# Adoption buddies - starting 2014/2015 - Part 2



## Dame Edna

New home.  Happy chatting


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## Flash123

Welcome home ladies xxxxx


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## Primmer

Yay a new home - hi everyone


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## Lorella

Mummy
Lorella
Becs

Mummy to be
Laws
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink
Not giving up
Tigerfeet
Loki Girl
RocketJ

Panel zone
Pringle - Jan

Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC

Starting out 2015
Sweetnats


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## Forgetmenot

Lol that's funny.... How everything changes from day 1 hey! Sounds like you are doing a fab job x


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## Forgetmenot

Got our PAR.  Not sure how I feel about it.  Thought I would be excited.  It's just, I am not sure what I was expecting.... Maybe to be wowed lol I know a silly expectation.... But I am not sure.  There are a few things I think are not right, but don't want to go on about my insecurities!! Will accept and deal and the quotes are a little a random!  It's all stuff we said... But she has focused on the little things.
And an annoying thing is dh is better with the lingo and his family sound lovely when in reality they are not (know shouldn't complain) but mine seem I guess a little more real.  When in reality my family are the supportive ones!!
I am relieved to have it.... So all that's left is panel, gulp xx


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## Loki Girl

Aww Forgetmenot sounds like it's not too bad lol. It must be so hard reading about yourself from a strangers point of view. Can't be easy for them either. Glad you are happish tho lol. 

Lorella - sounds like things are going well. So chuffed LO is settling. I can imagine it's hard to believe a life without her. 

Well we got through stage 2 training. A whole morning of them scaring us about mental health issues then all about e safety then a bit of irrelevance on adoption support. I mean when the children are older and if they have any issues then we will think about getting them support then. Really didn't want to hear about what support the birth parents get either. I'm not being harsh but by the end of the day I had had enough and the adoption worker was a bit dreary so wasn't beingg motivated to think about birth parents and what they might need!!

But anyways all done and nice to meet one of the couples from stage 1 again. 

Hi everyone else, hope you are all going ok


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## Tw1nk82

wow a new home  

Lorella sounds like you are dealing with everything fantastically so lovely to hear your updates xxx

Forgetmenot I'm glad you got your PAR. I'm feeling slightly nervous for ours in the next few weeks. I bet it is so weird hearing about yourself from someone elses perspective xxx

Loki glad you got through the training. I felt like our training in stage 2 was just a bit of a waste of time really but it is another hoop that we have jumped through xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx


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## Ruthie82

Hello can I join??

Hubby and I have just been approved to adopt  (still sounds surreal)

x x


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## becs40

Quick hi to everyone and welcome to Ruthie. Not too many personals I'm afraid but loving the updates Lorella it's what's keeping me going at the mo. So pleased things are going well, don't be too hard on yourself and just wrap yourself up in your own little world with lo and ignore the house and everything else. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job, I can only imagine how daunting it is to suddenly have this lo turn up forever and you be responsible for their every need no matter how much you prepare for it.


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## Forgetmenot

Welcome Ruthie x

Loki glad you got though the day.  The speaker is the people who make it.  We had someone on ours on attachment.... And she was just reading notes, it was dire!  But another thing done and engaged with so all good x

Thanks twinke, it's difficult to read your life and trying not to be harsh about it.... We are going to re read in the morning with fresh eyes x

Just not what I expected, though don't know what it was I was expecting!!

Just want to get it done now and move on with life... However this looks.... The wait is almost over (hopefully to begin again!!) xx


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## Lous mummy

YEY! New home  

Laws, the house is getting there, all major works are done, just a lot of decorating left now x

Lorella, you sound like a natural  

I have stage 2 training next week, should have been last week but was rearranged last minute! Now I have to argue with work to see if they will let me change my days off! I have no idea what they will say! Fingers crossed. 

I'm on countdown now until panel and feeling nervous already! Eeek! 6 weeks to go!


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## Primmer

Ruthie - welcome 

Lorella - sounds like you are doing a great job, must be daunting at first but you will get into a routine over the next couple of months and until then just go with what lo needs.

Loki - glad you got through training, you are another step closer to panel. 

Lous - hope you can get your leave re-arranged to make the training 

Forgetmeknot - it is strange to read par, I agree with re-reading it with fresh eyes tomorrow. If you still think things are right then raise them with sw and she will be able to reassure you and/or make any changes.

Our par has now been re-done and is with sw's manager up read today and then it will be read by a director and the panel advisor to make sure it is correct this time. We will then meet with sw  to go through the par.


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## Laws1612

Hi all....
not one for change...glad we havent moved to far haha. 

Forgetmenot wow panel date must be so close....hope wirh fresh eyes you are happy like primmer said anythin your not and speak to social worker....hope yoir feeling better

primmer your sw is busy my godness hehe bk at panel before you know it...keep us updated....

lous mum that has come round so quick how exciting...good luck gettong dates changed how frustrating..

ruthie congrats on getting approved....where are you in the world....what are the plans for you next....

tw1nk....lets see if we can reach another 160 pages hehe....we are keeping dame Edna busy hehe xxx

hi everyone else..xxx were atill waiting hehe xxx


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## pyjamas

Devastated! Placement order was not granted. We had already seen Medical Adviser and meeting with FC planned, planning meeting booked and panel on 18th November. we had began to believe that it was finally our time but it wasn't.


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## Paulapumpkin

Go everyone, just a quick hello to say my DBS has finally come through and we can now move onto stage 2 for interviews to prepare the PAR. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Sorry for lack of personals but I'm do busy at work right now. I will catch up with posts over the weekend. Have a good Friday! X


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## Paulapumpkin

Predictive text - hi came out as go! Lol


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## Primmer

Pyjamas - so sorry to hear that, you must have been devastated. This process is so hard at times. Sending hugs x


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## Flash123

Pjmamas I'm so sorry to hear your news. Massive hugs to you ((())))) You must be devasted. It's so hard not to get emotionally attached and then it breaks your heart when things go wrong. Have they told you the reasons why? Is it a total not granted or a delay while further assessments are made to bf? 
Flash xx


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## Troodles

Welcome Ruthie, congrats on ebing approved!

Lorella, Sounds amazing.  Are you still pinching yourself??  Can't wait to (hopefully) be in your position.

Loki, Hugs to you and glad training is done.  Getting there...!

Lousmummy  Good luck with work, can't imagine anyone being that horrid that they wouldn't let you change dates.

Forgetmeknot, I've read ours about 10 times so far!  Glad yours finally come through.  When are you going to reveal panel date lol

Primmer fingers crossed for a new panel date really soon. Still can't believe that happened!!

Pyjamas, don't know what to say.  So sorry to hear that.  Big hugs to you.

I had an email from SW today asking for back page of PAR to be signed and returned to her ASAP.  I said we will return it once we've read the amended version!!!  She said she's going to try and get it to us on Monday.  Really don't want to sign anything until I've read the new one.  Am I being unreasonable?

Keep feeling sick when I think about panel.  I work in the building next door to where it's going to be and stomach lurches everytime I walk past!!

Hi to everyone and sorry if I've missed some out.  Am trying to rush as at work.  

Wishing you lots of love.  Hope you have a lovely weekend.

T x x x x


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## pyjamas

Apparently the placement order was not granted because they want to reassess the BM to see if she would be able to cope if she had some support. She has mild learning difficulties and lives alone. Previous child has already been adopted. This assessment may take a few months and there will be another court hearing late January. So we may get another chance then but we will have missed out on three months and as she is only six months at the moment she could change a lot in that time. xx


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## becs40

Pyjamas I know exactly how you feel! We were linked with lo in August with a view to us doing foster to adopt after we were approved 4th sept. Then we were approved and they said they wanted to wait for the next hearing as that was oct and they'd be more sure of which way the court were to go. That hearing was yesterday and nothing was resolved and because of the level of uncertainty not willing to do foster to adopt so now have to wait for next hearing in December. Waiting for clarification as to whether this is the final hearing as we believe it will be before we make any decisions. The frustrating thing really would be a delay after the placement order if it's granted waiting for matching panel etc as that's likely to add on another 2 months at best. So it's the difference of lo coming to us at 6 months if po is granted in dec or 8 months if we have to wait for all the red tape etc.


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## Ozzycat

Hi pyjamas and becs im so sorry for what you guys are going through. . Ive got a question as I still feel very knew to all this.. how and why are u being shown profiles and aloud to put in an expression of interest to children who aren't infact "approved" to be adopted or foster to adopt??
That just seems so cruel on our part? U fall in lov with a child whos profile uve been aloud to see only for a good chance of all this happening? ?
I thought we would only be shown profiles of children who were approved by the courts to be adopted? ?
Im guessing these are the sorts of things they talk to us about on our training day.. its just so heartbreaking to hear u guys going through this!
Sending hugs


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## pyjamas

For us it is the second time we have been shown profiles prior to placement order hearings and both times orders have not been granted. I think it is just down to the SW whether they show you these or not. xx


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## Lorella

Pyjamas and Becs - so sorry to hear your news. Sending big hugs and really hope things turn around for you  

Troodles - getting exciting!

PP - yay to DBS arriving!

Primmer - glad things moving forward 😊

Lous mummy - good luck with work.... 6 wks will go in a flash!

Loki girl - good you've got stage 2 training done. 

Forgetmenot - good news you've got PAR. Good luck with panel. 

Hi to newbies and anyone I've missed sorry! I'm lying on our bed with LO asleep trying not to let the tapping on iPad wake her! Didn't even bother with cot transfer this afternoon.  

I honestly think I was in shock the day we brought her home. It was a really hard day that I wasn't expecting as all her routines were out and wouldn't sleep in cot... Teething too. 

However after some great advice and reassurance from family and lovely ladies on here, we are day 3 and each day it's getting a bit easier and I'm falling in love with her a little more. I had a moment today when I had this realisation that she was our daughter for good! That was nice. I'm also shattered and all played out and need to learn some more verses of twinkle twinkle but that's what we signed up for and wouldn't change it!!

Better go as she's stirring......xxx


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## Barbados Girl

Pyjamas, so sorry to hear your news. I do think it is a bit naughty of sws to do that to adopters, my sw was approached about a baby pre PO when we were family finding and said to her sw "we will talk when you have the PO, nothing until then". If the PO is granted after Christmas then perhaps things could move quickly then? A nine month old is still very much a baby, ours was that age when he came home.


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## Barbados Girl

Oh, and Lorella, notonthehighstreet do cushions which have all the words to twinkle twinkle, I have it!


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## becs40

Ozzycat in our case lo had been identified as suitable for foster to adopt and sw thought that court approval for such was in place, it turned out it wasn't and they were then going to apply at irh hearing but they didn't.
More news from sw today has meant that with a desperately heavy heart I think we will need to move on. Many tears here today as feel like we're betraying lo and giving up fighting for them but can't spend a minimum of another 6 months putting ourselves through it.
Completely sickened by the courts in this country failing so many children in order to protect the human rights of adults! It's truly disgusting. Have also pretty much lost all empathy I had with bm for doing this to lo. At best she'll win and lo will return back probably for 6-12 months before being removed again complete with all the problems that will bring. At worst lo will have to spend even more months in care before going to a forever home to live the life he deserves and is entitled to.


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## pyjamas

Many tears here too, especially yesterday. Hopefully one day all our tears will be of joy!


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## becs40

too pyjamas it's horrendous. I feel this has been much much harder than any part of our ivf. These are proper children whose lives are also being messed with throughout all of this.


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## Barbados Girl

Becs, I strongly suggest you email Martin Narey your story. When I emailed him, this was exactly what I said was the worry with these situations, adopters giving up on the link because they cannot cope with the uncertainty and waiting (quite understandably) and children getting older so harder to place and possibly facing extra moves and issues while the courts seek to prioritise the human rights of the birth families. Chin up xxx


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## becs40

It's just so typical of everything in this country. They change the laws to make the proceedings take no longer than 26 weeks because it's in the best interest of the child for things to be resolved quickly. But when it comes down to it that's not worth the paper it's written on if the bp's can keep on appealing. 
There's obviously a strong possibility at the moment that lo will be returned but I would stake my life on lo being removed again within 12 months if this is the case. How can that be right? lo was removed at birth so never been with bm yet could possibly be returned to her somewhere between 6-12 months old to in all likelihood come back into care by the age of 2. It's utterly disgraceful that this can be allowed to happen.


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## becs40

Thanks BG, I have just emailed Martin Narey. We may not be able to help this lo but his story may help others in the future. Here's hoping!


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## Ruthie82

Thank you for the welcomes

Pyjamas - So sorry to hear, it sounds like this is common, it must be so upsetting, thinking of you

Paulapumpkin - When are you expected to start stage 2?

Lorella - sounds like you are doing a wonderful job, it must seem surreal, enjoy being with your bundle of joy

Laws1612 - We live in Kent, how about yourselves? We join the waiting game, and pray it isn't too long. How have things been for you since being approval?

Does anyone have any tips for post approval/waiting ? Are you decorating the child/rens room during this stage? 

x x


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## watakerfuffle

Hi All

My husband and I have just been approved to adopt again (we adopted our 3 yr old son 2 yrs ago) Panel was all good, just a couple of questions and we were in and out in no time at all! The search for a lo has changed since last time, previously we had to wait 3 months before looking out of the area but have been told we can now look nationally straight away. Hoping to be more patient this time round as have my lo to keep me busy! 

Reading back through all your posts shows the emotional rollercoaster that this process is!


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## scooby-doo_123

Hi ladies
Sorry to gatecrash! I am hoping to apply to adopt soon, just waiting for my employer to confirm time off from work pre approval- as the policy just says at own 'discretion'. I've been waiting 5 weeks! ! I work for local authority so hopefully I should get some.  Can you lovely ladies give me an idea of how often  you had to see social worker-were they pretty flexible??
Thanks in advance xxx


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## watakerfuffle

Hi Scooby-doo, we had sw visits once a week over a period of a couple of months. She was very good about fitting round my husbands work, coming during lunch breaks and even came one evening after work. They all vary though on how thwy do things but most realise we have work commitments to work round. Good luck and welcome to the world of adoption!


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## becs40

We had 5 visits I think and most were scheduled for a Monday as I don't work Mondays although 1 or 2 of them had to be other days and de either came early (8.30) or late 4.00pm so not too bad.


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## rosex86

Hi ladies,

So it's been a while since we were told we were progressing to stage 2 as they had a shortage of SWs but we've now been allocated a social worker and have an meeting on  Wednesday  to meet her and sign paperwork to carry on with home assessment, anyone know what we can expect next?

Thanks xxx


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## notgivingup

Hello! I see we are making ourselves comfortable in our new home - a chatty bunch aren't we?? Although looking back to when this thread opened it's amazing to see how far so many of us have come - especially those with lo's home already! 

Lorella - huge congratulations - I'm amazed you have time to even get on here but glad you are getting some great advice and tips from people who know and understand. 

Pyjamas - really sorry to hear about the placement order not granted.  Frustrating and upsetting beyond words for you and lo.  

I too like many of you are frustrated about the bottleneck going on with the playground-like dispute between the courts and government resulting in placement orders not going through.  Sadly this isn't going to change any time soon until something disastrous happens which is just unthinkable.  But I keep the faith that our lo/lo's are out there and we will be soooooooo ready to have them. 

We are now in that limbo state of waiting for our PAR. Its due in November ready for panel in December (eek!) but I have to say prep groups and stage 2 has been a great experience for us.  It's not been easy as we have had major life changing events going on in the last 12 months but our sw has been so supportive and seems to believe we are an 'easy' couple to write a Par on (time will tell!). Some questions were a bit random and difficult to answer but generally it was cathartic and we feel well supported.  Now for the wait... 

Rose - glad you are moving forward. Everyone seems to have had slightly different experiences of stage 2. We had 9x2 hour meetings with our sw who was fairly flexible with times and met late afternoon. We covered attachment to style interviews (these were the scariest bit for me!) our background, childhood, relationship, infertility, our road and motivation to adopt, our knowledge on adoption attachment and trauma, and the usual finances, home safety checks etc. good luck! 

So many of us on here now! 
X


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## Paulapumpkin

Just checking in whilst in bed with Gastroenteritis 

Got our stage 2 SW visit on Friday, what do you think she will cover in this first meeting?

Also our house is being renovated, just got our kitchen to do and some decorating, we plan to finish this ASAP. Could they delay home assessment?

Xx


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## Lorella

Hi all

Just popping on quickly while LO ( I think we will call her Loretta) is asleep!

Barbados Girl - thanks. I will prob buy one of those!

Scooby do - our SW was very flexible. We had about 5 joint appointments I think and 2 each individual attachment interviews. They lasted about 6 weeks. Most were at 4pm so we finished work a little early. 


Hi notgivingup - not long now... Exciting!

Nearly coming to end I first week and settling much more into a routine. Loretta is gorgeous! SW visit today and she said all was going brilliantly. Am over the shock of moving day!

I am so looking forward to going out and seeing people. We know we can't let anyone pick Loretta up or do any personal care for at least a month but SW has said we ca see people. Looking forward to going to feed the ducks with Nana! Just the 3 of us went to a farm this afternoon. Was lovely, such beautiful weather. Really nice to have a family day out with our daughter. We had cream teas and Loretta has a bit of cream and jam off my finger. She loved it!

Better go as she will be awake soon and got a few other jobs to do! Love being a mummy!

hi to all and good luck to you whatever stage you are at xxx


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## Ruthie82

Lorella - That last post was such a lovely post to read

Paulapumpkin - We were doing works on our house, including our kitchen and we needed o have it complete by end of stage two or very latest before PAR completed. We had it done in time, just give yourselves targets each week.

Love to all

x x


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## Lous mummy

Hi Everyone,

Sorry in advance but I feel like I need a little moan. As I said in a previous post my stage 2 training day was originally a wednesday but was cancelled and is now this Friday. I have had every Wednesday off for my stage 2 assessments so this was never an issue, however, I have asked my boss if I can change my day and explained the reason why, at first she said no   I had to plead with her and she has eventually agreed to let me take it as unpaid! (I have no annual leave left) I know they have been good to me by letting me have flexible working hours but there have been a couple of pregnant girls who have been allowed to go off willy nilly for scan appointments etc and have never made time up or taken leave for them!


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## Forgetmenot

Lousmummy, have you got their policy?  You should be entitled to time to attend training.  Like you say, if you were pregnant, you would be off at appointments.  They might not like it, but I am sure they have to oblige.  I know most of us try and do our meetings in our own time, but the training is something we have no control over. Do you have a union in your job that you do? Worth speak with HR to clarify policy? Really hope you get it sorted soon xx


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## Forgetmenot

Paula, she will probably go over agreement and what is coming up in each session, though ours never stuck to it lol!!

Lorella, it's sounds like you are doing a fab job, and lo is starting to get into her own new routine with you both.  Bet it seems like a lifetime ago now!!

Notgivingup our sw was like that with our par.  It's so strange reading.  I don't know what I was expecting, but now I have been through it with a fine tooth comb and digested it, I think it's good.... From our  perspective anyway!!

Rose lots of meetings, covering lots of things!! Be prepared to drink lots of tea and talk a lot.  Covers motivations to adopt, relationships. Your home, family, pets, work, life chronology, support networks, children you would consider for adoption, child care experience  and it goes on!!  

BG and becs hope you are both ok x

Loki how goes it? X

Anyone I have missed I am sorry.... It's so busy at the mo x

AFM: Update.  Spoke to our sw and addresses concerns with PAR.  In all fairness, on reflection, it's me!  She is making changes and they have gone in and being done today.
Can't believe it is all done.  Feel sick at the thought.  Not bothered in reality about talking to panel, just the significance of it all.  One way or another, this is almost over, for better or worse!!  It will be weird not speaking with or seeing our sw... As she seems to have lived here over the last few months!  How have people found this whilst moving on to the waiting of matching?

Anyway I have been awake since 430... Can't sleep head in a whirl!!  Watching Christmas 24, so that's something.

Have a lovely day guys xx


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## becs40

Forgetmenot you'll be absolutely fine, I know it's easy for us to say as we were exactly the same. I was so stressed I was just on the verge of tears all morning on our panel day but it was fine. They were all very nice (except 1 old school sw who I couldn't read at all and we'd been forewarned about her) as it transpires she absolutely loved us -couldn't have guessed that!
Lous mum agree with forgetmenot about checking HR policy. When we started the process our policy didn't have things like that in but has changed in the past month in preparation for the law change next year where it will have to mirror maternity policy. Could also be worth pointing that out to them!
Afm well limbo land at the moment. Supposed to be meeting sw to discuss the entire mess but no appointment time yet. We've asked questions about timescales to try and see if we can sit everything out but not got a straight answer. From my own investigations yesterday I think and I may be wrong that if po is granted in December she has 21 days in which to request leave to appeal the decision. That will only be given if she can prove circumstances have significantly changed since po granted. She also doesn't appear to be entitled to legal aid to appeal. So from that it may not be quite as doom and gloom as originally thought but need to hear what sw has to say for herself.


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## StarryEyed

Lous mummy - as bess said its not included in most policy's from what I am aware of but as of April next year it will change so it may be worth talking to your HR department to see whether they'll make this move sooner rather than later.

Lorella - Glad to hear you enjoying it - you seem to be getting into your stride! 

AFM: First session with PAC today - turning up with a mouth full of ulcers... times are not fun for me!


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## pyjamas

Trying not to dwell on our disappointment. We will wait to see what happens at court in January. Meanwhile I have enquired about a few children on Adoption Link again. Have heard back from some and they have asked to see our PAR so our SW has sent it to them. We have had this happen quite a few times and have heard nothing more so wont hold my breath!


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## Paulapumpkin

Would any of you recommend going to a family finding event where they show DVDs of children needing families?


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## pyjamas

We have been to lots of Family Finding DVD evenings with LA. We found that the children we were interested in all seemed to have birth parents who lived near us so we couldn't be linked with them but its worth a go! x x


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## rosex86

Hi ladies, so we had our stage two meeting and have signed the paperwork and we have worked out and booked our house visits, we have 7 2hr meetings starting from 12th November and we have a panel date of 11th March!!!

It all seems to be real now and moving forward xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Congrats rose, very exciting!

Its nice to feel like you are on the move and getting somewhere.

Best of luck xx


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## teamug

Hi All, wow part 2 !!

Hope all is going well with you all, I don't get on much so not up to date with you all, though I have seen your great news Lorella, hope the sleeping is improving for you 

We are going ahead with the match for our 2 little pinks hopefully they are going to make up their minds next week if we can get to panel end of November for them to move in before Christmas ! very excited


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## StarryEyed

Rose, that sounds fantastic, glad to hear things are moving along nicely.

Teamug - it does sound exciting. Christmas will be crazy at your house 

Pyjamas - I hope things look up for you and maybe something will come from your enquiries. Fingers crossed!

AFM: 1st counselling session went down a storm. Honestly don't think it could have gone any better. Not sure how it will impact on the assessment process if at all, except from my end and figuring out how I would like to move forward with my agency, rather than them moving forward with me.

Realised that it is a year to the day today that I started my application!


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## 06tigerfeet

Hi all..

May I join in, we have recently been approved and are currently pursuing a link with siblings, a blue and a pink..

Exciting times!!!


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## Ruthie82

Congratulations Rose

Welcome 06tigerfeet 

When you are fortunate enough to be linked with a child post adoption approval can you still look for other possible links until you know more and have seen the cpr or...? I don't know how this part works! 

x


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## Freedo

Hi all, welcome to all the new members , I love reading all the stories , Lorella sounds like you are having a blast! 

Well,  as you know we were pencilled in for panel 8th Dec, well we had an email today off sw she had completed our PAR and could we attend panel week Monday 10th November, so we are !! She dropped PAR off today and it's fab so just minor amendments to make , I am in a shock but really excited!! 
Xxx


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## 06tigerfeet

Hi  Ruthie...

I'm not sure, the way our sw works is that he has made sure csw is only interested in us and on that basis we won't look at others.. So for us its pretty much decided, just need to wait on the formalities.. I'd be worried about getting attached to more than one profile... Not sure that helps :/ we have seen a detailed profile and met with csw.. And are happy to continue with the info we have x


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## Lorella

Freedo - so exciting! 10th Nov will be here before you know it!!

Welcome Tigerfeet and good luck with your link. 

Starry - great news your counselling went well. 

Teamug - whop hoo! So excited for you!

Hi to everyone else. Sorry just a quick post. DH has taken over the morning slot! We are getting into a little routine that I get up first and then he comes and takes over so I can get ready etc ( and catch 5 mind on here!). We have the health visito coming today so I've made sure I've wiped all the weetabix off Lorettas ( not real name) chin! 
All going well. We even went to Nana and Grandads for 30 min play yesterday and was very happy. Good to slowly start seeing people. 

Xxx

Ps. It's true what everyone says about making the most of your time together before LO arrives. We were both in bed by 8.45 last night! Also catch up on all your programmes as not a lot of time for TV. We just about manage 1 programme a night and I'm a major tele addict!


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## becs40

Hi everyone, welcome newbies!
Sorry not posting much at the mo, it's been emotional shall we say! I have been reading though. Loving your updates Lorella, all sounds like it's going well. 
Starry fabulous news on your counselling, I really hope things move forward properly for you now.
Teamug, very exciting for you. Hope they get you into November panel. Are they happy to still do placement in December as our la have said anyone at matching panel from now on won't be placed until after xmas now. Good luck.
Freedo not long for panel now, sure it will all be fine.
Hope everyone else is hanging on in there. Any news from you Laws?
Asfm well we had very productive meeting today so we just have to keep everything crossed now. If po is granted at final hearing lo will move to us immediately on f2a basis to avoid 2 month delay for Xmas and matching panel. So we won't know until the final hearing but they feel fairly confident po will be granted, if it is its going to be flipping quick! But most importantly our lo will be placed with us by the crucial 6 month stage!


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## pyjamas

Good Luck becs40. Hope it all goes your way


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## becs40

Thanks pyjamas its going to be a long few weeks.


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## Forgetmenot

Wondered if anyone had some advise....

We are due to panel shortly.  After having a long lecture, no children, blah blah blah, we have just had a email around from our stage 2 group.  One couple just been linked for a f2a and then there is an activity day or something.... Which some have been invited too.

I know we said we would be patient..but wondering why we haven't.... And whether should ask? Don't want to be seen as impatient, but also not approved yet ( with everything crossed, and a miracle) we would be by that day.

Any ideas xx


----------



## pyjamas

I would email your SW and ask if she will refer you to go on Activity Day, but I'm not sure if you have to be approved first? xx


----------



## becs40

Our la have only done 1 activity day but they invited any approved or those due at panel within a month of the activity day. It may be an oversight on your sw's behalf?


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Becs. Sounds really promising. Have everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

I meant it's an exchange day and in theory we should have been approved by then unless something happens!

I don't know whether it will come across as pushy. We don't know if she has anything in the pipe line for us as never said anything like that!  And were told there is no children and it will be a long wait!!!

Just don't want to miss an opportunity or mess about with fate lol!!


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Sorry not many personals or posting lately. Am checking in as much as poss to see how you're all getting on. 

Welcome to all newbies, well done to all new stage towers and approved mummies to be. Loving your updates Lorella. Good luck Becs, keeping everything crossed for you. 

Forgetmenot I'd say it's more proactive than pushy to ask SW about it. She. can only say yes or no. 

So our PAR was all signed and sent off to panel members last week. 11 more sleeps till panel!!! OMG I'm so scared. Keep crying when I think about it. Hope I'll be ok on the day!!

Big hugs to you all

Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - sooo exciting for you! That's coming around quick. You will be brilliant don't worry. The adrenaline kind of takes over! I was convinced I'd cry as soon as walked in the room but it was totally fine. The panel members were lovely and they really try to make you feel at ease x

We are going to take Loretta down the town today. I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing people we know who don't know we've adopted. Not really sure what to say. I have no problem being open and honest about it but then again I don't think it's anyone else's business. 

Anyone know a good one liner as a response ? I'm envisaging.....'ahh I didn't know you had a baby' .....'how cute, is she yours?' I know I can reply ' yes she's all ours' and then try and change the subject but what if they keep digging?
Xx


----------



## becs40

Hi Lorella,

We're facing similar issues but we live in a small village so there's no way we could hide that we're adopting. I'm just hoping by the time he gets to school in 4 years that they'll have all pretty much forgotten. The more difficult one is the background questions as they're the automatic ones, including the subtle sly ones dropped in about how he came to be in care etc.


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Lorella. Hope ours are as nice x

As you say it's noone elses business but people will open their gobs.  Just smile sweetly, say yes she's ours and then talk about the weather. If anyone does ask why she came into care just say well that's Loretta's story and she can tell people when she's older if she wants to. We've already said this to our friends and family. Some of them seemed a bit shocked. Oh well deal with it. I didn't ask what position you were in when your kids were conceived!!!! Lol
Xxx


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi,everyone. Haven't posted on here for a while. The whole adoption process has been really drawn out for us - baring in mind it's only supposed to be six months, it's now been a year and we finally go to panel on Monday - eeeek! We told our SW we didn't want to see any profiles until after we were approved but she gave us one of a six-year-old boy who was attending an activity day. If we were interested it would give us a chance to meet him. We did go along and it was the best decision as we really want to follow this up. All we need to do is get through panel first and hopefully no-one else was interested in him so we can pursue it.

I made the mistake of looking at what you need to do to get your child into school - our SW said realistically, if we go ahead with this link and we are matched, he could be with us just after Christmas, which isn't long. Has anyone else had experience of placing an older child in a new school in-year? Even though he's looked after and has a SEN, what happens if our school is full? Does he still go on the waiting list (albeit at the top of the list). I thought decorating and sorting out the room was stressful enough 😜


----------



## Nicola30

Hey all,

I'm looking for a new home if you's will have me here? 

DH and I were approved in July, feels like a lifetime ago and I am finding the unknown of the situation quite hard :-( 8 weeks ago we were approached about a competitive link for an 8 month old blue, he was out of area so my SW didn't have much control over the situation but we were turned down last week due to BP's having family in our village... I feel quite angry about it, our pen picture on the front of our PAR states where we live, they should have picked it up sooner, instead I have been staring at his little face every day for 8 weeks and falling in love. So anyway, we are back to the drawing board. SW told us if he didn't work out we needed to prepare for a considerable wait 😥😥😥 

so here I am, back on the boards seeking support and offering support 

Love to all, here's hoping this week might be our week for those searching x 

Good luck for panel TractorGirl 👍


----------



## Dame Edna

Nicola30 said:


> 8 weeks ago we were approached about a competitive link for an 8 month old blue, he was out of area so my SW didn't have much control over the situation but we were turned down last week due to BP's having family in our village... I feel quite angry about it, our pen picture on the front of our PAR states where we live, they should have picked it up sooner, instead I have been staring at his little face every day for 8 weeks and falling in love.


I feel for you  . I suspect (although I obviously don't know for sure), it was a 'budget' decision and they probably matched in house. Makes me so cross that SS put you through it and let you fall in love with the little guy  . It was a long time ago now, but we were kept on the back burner for 3 months (yes, 3 months  ), for a little boy who we fell for and were told we were 'perfect' for   ...... Then, we were dropped (coldly, I might add!) for a local couple  . I know it hurts . However, take heart, your little one is waiting for you and you will find each other 
Take care of yourself.
DE x


----------



## Nicola30

Thanks DE, I think I have my head around him not being the one for us - it was obviously not meant to be, it's so frustrating that money and incompetence stands in our way sometimes.

Luckily we have a fabulous SW who we trust implicitly and I know she will find us the right one.

Xxx


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## Laws1612

Wow....I cant Keep up...new home and lots of newbies....welcome....I hope you are all getting on great. I found all of the adoption process a breath of fresh air after a short period which felt like forever of ivf.good luck its great to hear how you are doing. Tons of advice between us all now too. 

Forgetmenot not ling now. Cant wait to see the day you post your approved I dont no how you manage to keep it your self. Wish you all the luck in the world. 

Becs thatd great news its finally moving forward so excitin...
Freedo....good luck tomoro yay. Can't wsit to hear the outcome another one on the list
primmer...lous mum....loki girl.....troodles....lorella.....teamug....starryeyed....hope your all well xxxx


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks laws!  It's only every time, anything remotely looked to be positive... Once it's there it goes wrong!

I just can't do it.... For fear of failure again!!  Being nuts I know.... We now have two pieces of paper that say we recommend you but waiting for panel to say, yes all fine, but come back when you loose three stone!!

Good luck freedo & troodles up next!! Yikes.... Xx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all

I can't seem to find our last list. Can you remind me:

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola

Panel zone
Troodles
Freedo
Forgetmenot
Lou's mummy
Starryeyed
Notgivingup
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
Twink - Dec 13th

Hope I've remembered this right! Sorry if not. 

Can the others who want to be added let me know and let me know your panel dates again! Sorry ladies xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Sorry I've been a bit quiet. Work had been absolutely manic over half term. It was much needed after not a good summer but I have just put in an 45hr week over 4 days so have been completely shattered. It was so good to see all the kids dressed up for Halloween and we had to dress up too. We had a members night with halloween disco and stuff which was so much fun. Just really hoping it may be us next year but that may be pushing it as I always seem to be saying. 

Anyways FIl not doing too great at mo. He just gets really tired easily so trying to plan a birthday for him next week that doesn't involve too much and that he can manage. Think we are just going to do a walk and dinner. In the midst of all this I was supposed to of finished the adoption book SW gave me as have a 2nd solo meeting with her on Wed. Really not looking forward to it sick of them making my adoption into a bigger thing than it needs to be. I have never seen it as a big thing. Just can't imagine how she is going to talk about it for 2hrs!!! This book is ridiculous and just talks about secrets and not feeling whole and not feel like you have been born. It just borders on being over the top Americans. I refused to read the chapters on pyschotic adoptees, adoptees who kill, adoptees who end up in mental institutions. Honestly if I had read this book before we started this journey I might not of done it cus according to this stupid author we are all screwed up so badly until we find our birth parents and start our journey back home   

Anyways just need to grit my teeth, stick to my guns, SW hasn't read the book so she can't discuss it can she? All I can say is that I don't know if something will trigger once I adopt children. Nothing has triggered with all the screwed up children I have nannied for in the past and if it does I will just have to deal with it. Doesn't mean I can't bloody parent does it? Just feeling really cross about it all. And the fact with FIL and everything going on we will of had 11 meetings with our SW during stage 2. Can't wait for end of Nov when she will hopefully be done!!!

Anyways you forgot me Lorella lol. We are at panel on Jan 6th if she doesn't think we are too screwed up cus I'm adopted and my FIl has terminal cancer  

Hi to the new ladies, good luck Freedo, and hang in there Forgetmenot. I know how you feel. We are still getting mountains emerge at every turn like it wasn't enough to throw them up during IVF it feels we need a few more to conquer during adoption. I don't think you will have any trouble if you are only worried about your weight. We have the fact I am adopted (even tho I always thought this would be a positive thing!!), my FIl having less than a year to live and DH being over weight too. I can't even begin to get excited at the thought of panel with them grilling us all about that lot  

Ok ok will stop moaning lol. We will all get there one way or another. I have to believe that otherwise I won't win this fight for a family that's been going on for 5yrs and I can't let and won't let all these mountains defeat us. 

Think I need some sleep and some days off lol. Hope everyone has a good day


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## Tw1nk82

Sorry ive been quite too. Can you add me please lorella panel 12th December xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks Loki, I feel for your so much x we have been on one h ell of a journey, and I feel your frustrations at every turn.  I feel our adoption process has been like that, but here we are at the end.  I know you have added challenges in your way, I got told off for say obstacles!! But I believe you will get there.  I feel for your dh and your fil.  Having lost my dad a few years ago, I know how you feel.... and get waiting is harder than the inevitable in someways.
Hang in there it will get better xxx


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## Lorella

How could I forget Loki Girl and Twink!! Sorry ladies xx

What I have done is saved it to the front page so will know where it is now!


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## 06tigerfeet

Hi lorella..

Could you add me to the matching panel list.. We've been told our link meeting is next week and we've been pencilled in for panel on December the 16th.. 

Great to hear everyone's news.. Really keeps me going knowing that there are others experiencing the same..


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## Paulapumpkin

Lorella can you adde too, stage 2 and hoping for a panel date after Xmas.

Our SW came on Wed and she was really nice, very rash to talk to. Got dates for the rest if the meetings booked in up until 3 Dec. we are going to a family finding event this month too.

X


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## Lorella

Hi ladies. I have looked back and managed to get this together! Any new ladies let me know if you want me to add you to the list. It's on page 1 and I will always update it there xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 

Panel zone
Troodles - Nov 
Freedo - Nov 10th
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th


Forgetmenot - TBC
Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC


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## Tw1nk82

Sorry lorella i typed the wrong panel date. Mine is the 11th of December   xxx


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## Freedo

Hi Lorella, can you add my date please? 10th November.......8 days!!! xx


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## Freedo

Sorry just saw you have!!!    Thanks xx


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## Ozzycat

Hi Lorella can u add me as a TBC.. training days in 10days.. already planning what to wear!!
Lov to everyone else, hope you all had a lovely weekend x


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## RocketJ

Hi Lorella, what a job you've taken on coordinating this list! Could you please add me? I have a panel date booked for Jan 9th, although my SW is hoping to move it forward to mid Dec if they can squeeze me in.

I've been invited to a family finding event this week - does anyone have any experience of going to something like this? Even though I'm not approved yet I think it will be useful to guage how I react to reading different profiles etc, and hopefully mean I am less apprehensive about going to such things in the future.


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## tractorgirl

Afternoon, everyone - just got back from approval panel with a big yes. Phew! They approved us with no concerns, which is great news. Just got to wait until 11 Nov for the ratification. Our SW had some feedback from the panel last week about some of the questions they may ask us, which we were able to prepare for. When she introduced herself this morning, though, she'd added a load of other questions as well, which we couldn't prepare for as we went straight in. What they asked us were:

How we found the process?
Had we lost any weight ( our GP had recommended we lose a little bit each)
The timescale for my husband's possible redundancy next year and how it will affect us
How would we deal with confrontation (we are hoping to adopt an older child so how would we cope with that)
What we understand about the issues older children might have
They asked about my adoption leave and whether I could take more time off if needed
They threw a couple of curveballs at the end - the first one was about our dogs and what we would do if a child was cruel to them, and then they asked us about diversity (because our SW had forgotten to write about that section in our PAR. How everyone missed that, God knows) and whether we would support our child if they came from a different ethnic background.

There was more questions than I thought and I completely babbled, but we got through. The panel chair even made a joke about me being an Ipswich fan (she supports Norwich) and I said that our application was doomed, which made everything laugh. Thank goodness we only have to go through that once. The panel was friendly, but it's still nervewracking.

Now we can start to move things with our link to our 6-year-old blue. Yikes - we could be parents straight after Christmas!!

Hope everyone else is ok xxxx


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## pringle

Hi Lorella
Could you please add me to the list. Panel booked for Janurary will find out date this week.

Thankyou

Pringle x


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## Ozzycat

Amazing news tractorgirl well done x
Wow a mummy by xmas that would be fab, good luck xxxxx


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## becs40

Congrats tractor girl, fab news!


----------



## chadwick13

Congratulations tractorgirl! At our aproval panel, they threw us a similar curve ball with our cats... It's great to have it over with!

AFM - We're still hugely distracted by an ongoing link we have on Adoption Link. We had to write a very short blurb on Friday for the childrens' sw to say why we were attracted to them, then on Friday afternoon our sw called up to say she'd recieved the lo's CPR and was going to drop it round to ours, and their sw wants us to write a much longer piece that outlines what we could offer, why we should be chosen, and how we felt after reading the CPR. We spent almost the whole weekend on it and emailed it off this morning. I've just checked AL and there now seem to be 4 active links going on with them, so I guess we just have to wait and see....


----------



## Lorella

Whop hoo! Congrats Tractor Girl! Welcome to the mummy to be list xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl

Panel zone
Freedo - Nov 10th
Troodles - Nov 12th
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringles - Jan


Forgetmenot - TBC
Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations tractor girl xxx


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## Loki Girl

Brilliant news Tractorgirl and thanks for the heads up re the questions. Always helps to know what they might ask. Hope your link with your little man goes well and he is with you for xmas. So exciting!!!!

Good luck Chadwick. Must be so hard knowing you are competing against other couples and have to sell yourselves. This is why really hoping that our LA has a match 'in house' if we are lucky enough to get approved cus they don't show that profile to anyone else it's just us. If they have nothing and we go to other councils then they we may have to compete also which I find awful to think about. Our LA doesn't do any of those activity days or anything. 

Anyways love seeing our list of mummies to be growing now just need a few more on the mummies list lol. 

Hope u all had a good day. We had a much quieter day on the farm spent mostly taking down all the Halloween decs ready to start on the xmas ones lol.


----------



## Primmer

TractorGirl - huge congrats, that's great news!


----------



## tractorgirl

Thanks everyone - let's hope we see a few more names on the parents-to-be list soon. It still hasn't sunk in yet, although the huge glass of wine I'm having now is helping  

Chadwick - good luck with your link. It must be a nightmare knowing other couples are interested. Our social worker told us today our boy had no other interest (apart from us) when he attended the activity day, but there's still a possibility he might have had some interest from other couples as he's been advertised on the adoption register for a few months. She'll try to find out for us this week if we are up against anyone else. It'll be heart-breaking if there is - I can't believe how attached you get to them after such a short while. Adoption really is an emotional journey!


----------



## Nicola30

Congratulations Tractor Girl, approval really is the greatest feeling 👏👏👏

No news from us, SW came out today to discuss the competitive link we weren't successful with, all very positive and I'm feeling upbeat about it - much more so than I have for the past 2 weeks. 

Onwards and upwards, DH phoned at work today and told me to book for us to go to NYC for New Year (my Birthday) so that's cheered me up lol. I feel so lucky to have him by my side at the moment. ❤

Enjoy celebrating TG and here's to that match working out very soon xxx


----------



## teamug

Evening all

Wow each time I get on here so much has always happened with you all, sorry not many personals you've all got so much going on 

Hi to all of the newbies good luck on your journeys 

Tractorgirl - many congrats great news x


We haven't heard anything more on our 2 pinks yet they are having planning meetings on time lines, may now go to Panel December and they move in January. They keep on changing the goal posts, jus-t wish they would talk to the girls and see how they take the news then go from there, it's how they feel that's important, so hard after having met them at an activity day to now not see them for months 

Good luck everyone wherever you are in the process


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well... Dh and I had a very special day today.  We did that thing we have been most scared off, sat around a table with some lovely people, answered lots of questions etc and these people decided that we are more than ok.

I can't even begin to believe that after 8 years, 10 ivfs blah blah blah that this has actually happened and that I may very well get my dream come true next year.  I can't even write it until I see the letter.... I just can't tempt fate.

But for tonight I will sleep happy xx


----------



## Ozzycat

3 months into the process and sw called yesterday after they realised they hadn't done our DBS checks yet!!!!


----------



## Ozzycat

Yeahy forgetmenot
Well done guys x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you so much x had to go to work this afternoon, and it was awful... Kids were crazy....!!

Had a little cry on my way home... Just overwhelmed..... and now much sleep is on the cards xx


----------



## Troodles

Well done forgetmenot . Been smiling since you told me!!
FAB FAB FAB news

Hope I'm saying the same thing next week xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

You so will be.... I might believe it by then if I get a letter... They might tell us they have made a mistake xx


----------



## Troodles

Hahaha only you could think that!!
Oh hang on I'll be thinking the same!!! Xx


----------



## Lorella

Yay! Yay! Yay! Well done Forgetmenot xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot 

Panel zone
Freedo - Nov 10th
Troodles - Nov 12th
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Loki Girl

Forgetmenot        I am so so so happy to read your news. You must be sooooo thrilled after all this time you are going to get your family my IVF buddy   Knew you would be ok, you deserve it sooooo much and I am so happy for you. Hope the wait for your family is not too long. What age and how many did you get approved for?

Well my 2nd solo interview went ok today. I was so so worried about it but she was only here an hour!!! Basically I told my feelings on the book and she said that was fine and she thought it would be hard going. It was all basically to get me to be aware that having an adopted child is such an impact that it may trigger in me the need to find my birth parents cus I will have no genetic link to the child. I can't say it won't and I wont know how I will feel if that happens but just had to say with all the support I have hopefully will be ok. She seemed ok with that!! Just touched on a couple of things we hadn't had time to discuss but she wasn't here long. She asked bout FIL and then asked if she could phone my parents again to see in light of that would they be supportive?!!!!!  I was like come on, she has already been so see my parents and know they are 100% supportive in everything we do. They are friends with the in laws so why wouldn't they be supportive? I think she really feels the need the dot her i's and cross her t's lol. Anyways only 3 more sessions to go. I asked her what else she needed to discuss and she said we have to discuss contact and tie up the loose ends. That's going to take her 3 more sessions   She's nice but after almost 3mths of weekly meetings I will be glad when she is done!!!

Anyways congrats again Forgetmenot and good luck next week Troodles. Sure you will be fine too!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you so so much Loki.... We have been through the mill, and our sw sounds a lot like yours.... Dotting and crossing!! However, now we are almost there, I know it is worth it... And potentially, there is an amazing future that awaits us. Breath deeply!!

They didn't say what we would be approved for.... We talked about two or three... So who knows.... Guess it comes on our ratification letter?

I am so pleased your meeting went ok... I think they want to hear that you don't know how you will feel, but you would seek support, and be aware of triggers... You are an intelligent lady.  You so will get there soon x we both will get there by next year I just know it xx


----------



## Primmer

Huge congrats ForgetMeNot - such great news!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Lorella, that list scares me!!

Thanks primmer x

Anyone else got some exciting news? Xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Forgetmenot - YIPPEE So very pleased for you

Lorella - thank you for posting the up to date list 

Love to all x x


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats FMN! That mummytobe list is growing!!! Glad everything went well for you.

Had second session of 6 today... counsellor is going to try and put me in contact with another adopter as a bother form of support. says i'm doing all the right things. Only question was have I taken enough me time which the answer was a resounding yes. I'm sure we will touch back on it but think he gets my desire to be a mummy. Nice to have another person believing in me.


----------



## becs40

Yay congratulations forgetmenot! Welcome to the rapidly expanding mummies to be list!
We also weren't specifically approved for number or ages. We had said up to 2 siblings and below 3 years old but nothing formally approved in our ratification letter. I guess our la decides to approve adopters then leave it to matching panel to decide the rest which seems eminently more sensible in my book! 
Starry so pleased the counselling is going well. Really hope this gets you back on track quickly now. You've shown such patience.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you so much Ruthie x bee an emotional evening!!!

Starry the counsellor sound great ... Someone to fight your corner which is Fab x

What happens once you finish these sessions?

And thank you xx

It's lovely everyone x still in disbelief and will wait for my letter, but now and for every 5th November.... Boom!!!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Becs x so not sure how it all works but for now I keep staring at lorellas list in complete shock!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Me again!! 

Wow! Still In complete shock and disbelief!! I am lying in bed and cannot sleep... My head is all over the shop ranging from huge excitement to omg to can they take this away to when are we going to get matched etc all of which there are no real answers too, and that's ok for now!!

I just feel so very emotional about the whole thing I can't even being to use the m word.... That, 'that' is actually going to happen... It's when and not if, albeit the waiting of course!!

We haven't even told anyone yet!! Well apart from tentatively you guys!! I know this seems strange, but after our journey, No one knew who had. Vested interested In us about yesterday, that's how unsure, scared, sceptical I have been that we would be rejected and you know what is was kinda nice last night not to have people phoning and impinging on this and making it all about them!!!

The one person I want to tell who would be so proud is my dad and obviously can't and that makes me so sad that there is a child ( gosh my child! ) that's never going to know their amazing grandad and daughter whose never going to share that. It made me really emotional, things would have been so different for dad being around. Am surprised how it's made me feel and I guess this is what they mean by triggers lol it's ok to be sad, think a lot of shock and I hope that if he's out there somewhere he is happy watching us.

I know you all now probably think I am slightly mad but it's hard to convey the sadness, fear, disappointment, failure all into one that I have to come to expect and feel and now there is a panel that believes in us. That dh and I have past the longest and toughest mr and mrs, and here we are today after everything that's been chucked at us are still stand and for once genuinely smiling (even though mine are through tears!!) it's amazing, so thank you all xxx

So as I lie here not being able to sleep... What next?!

What did you guys do? 

Do I email our sw and ask what next or just leave it and go with the flow

So much running through my head.

This was a little something I read on the morning of panel I thought I would share, 

' one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day'


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations forgetmenot no wonder u cant sleep xxxx

Starry glad the counselling is progressing for you xxx

Hope everyone else is doing good. Our last two referees are being interviewed on tuesday and hopefully not long until our PAR xxxx


----------



## becs40

Ah forgetmenot we've  all felt like that at points in this journey simply because of the adversity we've all faced. When you go through years of life going against you it's hard to believe that will change. But it does otherwise there wouldn't be all these adoptive families out there.
It's bound to make you think more about your dad as well as its sad he won't share the happy part of your life with you. He's with you in your heart and your actions though.


----------



## chadwick13

Forget me not - I think we joined Adoption Link within a few days of being approved. 

We still haven't heard much back about our potential link, but we got a call from our social worker on Monday to say she thought what we'd written about the 2 little ones was amazing. She said she had to read some of it out to a colleague she thought it was so sweet (phew!). We then got a message from the little one's sw to say she also thought is was a really thoughtful piece and was very impressed, she's waiting for one more family to send her back their blurb and will be in touch with us asap.... We're trying really hard not to get our hopes up!!


----------



## teamug

Forget me not - Brilliant news well done many many congratulations to you   

We were told by our SW to join Adoption Link, BMP, CHW, straight away as there were not many children in our area, so I did join them the following day after panel, in my opinion Adoption Link is the best site and I got enquiries back very quickly from SW's.

We went to an activity day and met our 2 pinks to be from there 

Our news - very happy today got our matching panel date 15th December, with the girls moving in early January  woop woop

Hello to everyone xx


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - that's fantastic news! Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Teamug fantastic news xxx


----------



## teamug

Thanks guys


----------



## becs40

Ah teamug how exciting! Fabulous news.


----------



## Ozzycat

Amazing news teamug, so happy for you xxx


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - such exciting news


----------



## Troodles

Fantastic news Teabag. So pleased for you xxx


5 more sleeps. EEEK!!!


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww such lovely news Teamug xxx

Haha 5 days Troodles how exciting. 60 for us not that I'm counting hahaha!!!


----------



## Laws1612

My godness its all go for the old group....so brilliant...

forgetmenot you have done it so happy for you you really deserve....welcome to the other side.....waiting we can drive eachother crazy.... 

Congrats teamug great news....so quick how exciting...xx

loving this thread xxx


----------



## Freedo

Forgetmenot , congratulations!! I know exactly how u are feeling with your dad, we have panel Monday and so wish my mam was here, my dad is coming and going for a coffee whilst we in there!! Tea mug congratulations for matching panel?! Troodles good luck for panel! Hi to everyone else 

Well as I said we are off to panel Monday lunch time, s worker came yesterday and talked us through panel, excited but scared! She also said she has a profile she wants to show us after panel so fingers crossed!!! xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Freedo that's fab bout the profile. I'd be so itching to find out what it was!!!! I'm sure you will be fine. Not long


----------



## Tw1nk82

Troodles not long now to go to panel xxx

Freedo good luck for panel on Monday and how exciting that there is a profile for you to look at too xxx

Hope everyone is well xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news Teamug! Freedo and Troodles good luck for your panels.

It has been fantastic having someone on my side, its a great feeling of validation for me. Counsellor really does seem great and actually has a much more sensible take on things. She doesn't rubbish the issues at panel but seems to just explain them better. As for what happens next *shrugs shoulders* - won't see my SW until the sessions are finished, I'm to keep her updated and then she'll have a 'conversation' with her team manager. I've emailed the team manager to find out what the status currently is, am I on hold or what but so far no reply, which is unsurprising really.


----------



## Troodles

3 more sleeps.  Aaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Exciting times troodles mine is 32 and counting xx


----------



## RocketJ

Wow, so exciting Troodles! I have 61 days to go - seems an unbearably long time to wait, but I'm sure with Christmas and all the trimmings it will fly by!


----------



## Freedo

1 more sleep! Be waiting to go in this time tomorrow , starting to feel sick!! xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww good luck Freedo. You'll be fine   Will be looking out for your news tomorrow xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

good luck freedo xx


----------



## Lorella

I'm soooo excited for you ladies with panel coming up!

Being a mummy is fab! I got my first slobbery kiss yesterday which was magic!

Loretta has settled so well. We are just so lucky. We are having a day visiting grandparents today. 

Good luck Freedo! Xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck everyone xx
Not as exciting but we finally have our 2 days of training this week. . Looking forward to moving onto stage 2 and panel  
Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs... It's times like these that you miss those that are not here x but life goes on, and I know where ever he is he would be so proud.  I can't wait to get this stupid toy yellow car down from our loft, that my brother was to health and safety to up my nephews in, dad was gutted.... It's just waiting for ours and we'll send it up to him! Gp crazy loon that I am  xx

Thanks twinks and chad x

Chad I can't believe you have matching soon... You must be beside yourself x

Troodles I am so excited for you.  You have to believe, I know you won't, as of a similar doubter!  But I know it will be ok (easy sad now through the other side)  x

Thanks laws... I am going crazy already, where are you at! Any more news? x

Freedo good luck for tomorrow, your mum will be there with you.  Dad was the first person I wanted to tell.... And it's sad, but you have your dad, and he will be super proud of you and no doubt got home and have a little cry x big moment for the oldies too!

Starry I hope you get a response soon... Boy are they making you work for this, and you should be so proud of yourself, for going with it, shows your desire, commitment and resilience to adoption and any child you adopt that you will go to the ends to get help and support for each other x

Hugs to Loki and rocket x. What's next for you guys? x

Lorella, it is lovely to read your updates and how quickly you have settled into being a mummy x gives us all hope x

Ozzy good luck with training and enjoy.... Remember they are making notes! We didn't realise this to begin with  x

Sorry to anyone I have missed... There is soooooo many of us.

AFM well, it's been 4 days and going CRAZY already lol.  I have organised to meet the sw in about ten loooooooong days.  Could I have some top tips of things I should ask and get signed up too, so I am not fobbed off! I want to know my rights lol.  We still haven't told anyone about panel yet apart from you guys..... We are waiting for our letter and to be honest.... I thought I would want to tell everyone but it's quite nice being in our safe bubble with no expectation on us!!

Dh is fed up with me.... I have been non stop! He's been very sweet however, and he has started the big sort.... We have so much cr*p!!  It's gonna be a big job.

I cannot focus on work..... Just want to be done.  I am not interested in our Xmas holiday, I just want our little family.  I know it will take time and be worth the wait....we still have to wait for our letter, so until that happens it's all pie in the sky.  I swing from yay this is happening to, well.... Just wait, they could still say no (I know they won't in my head!).  So anyway I waffle.  In limbo again like lots of you lovely ladies x top tips welcome x thank you so so much xx


----------



## Freedo

Thanks all, lying in bed at moment and I feel sick!! I know SW told us we will be fine but I am so scared!! Xx


----------



## becs40

Good luck Freedo, you will be fine! Doesn't help though until you're through the other side of it. This time tomorrow you'll be celebrating I'm sure!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck freedo xx


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Freedo. Thinking of you and know just how sick you feel. Can't wait to hear your good news xxx


----------



## Primmer

Good luck Freedo - you will be fine x


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Freedo! Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck freedo xx


----------



## Laws1612

Good luck freddo can't wait to see your post xxxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi forgetmenot

not much happening to be honest. Enquiring abiut childern on bmp cww and AL but seems to be a sloe process to be honest. I saw your other post I feel the same. Driving myself mad thinking of mothing else and just getting thro the weeks hoping for developments. Easier said then done. Been approved two months next week so not long but just thought or was under impression it would happen soon. 
Dont wanna go to work, feeling needy, and no head space for anything else really....xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ditto laws! Thought I would be cool with it and not even been ratified, but can't sleep!!

It's a funny limbo land x

I know we will all get there when we are supposed but really!!


----------



## Freedo

Post more later, but unanimous yes!!


----------



## Troodles

WOOHOO!!
Fab news. 
Well done xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations freedo xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Freedo        Knew you would be fine. Hope everything wasn't too stressful. Now u are a Mummy to be


----------



## becs40

Congrats Freedo! Enjoy celebrating.


----------



## Lorella

Whoo! Hoo! Congrats Freedo!!! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo

Panel zone
Troodles - Nov 12th
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Villa181

Hi- hoping to join your board. Been approved since Feb 2014- seems like we've been waiting forever and I know this is the place to chat to people in same circumstances. Congrats to Freedo for panel today xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Fantastic news Freedo! Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Yay freedo xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Wow that's starting to be an impressive list of Mummies to be. Now we just need some Mummies to join Lorella!!! Why does the matching seem to be taking so long? Are there seriously no suitable children out there for us?!!!!

Welcome Villa. Chat away lol. I haven't been approved yet but as you can see we have a few mummies waiting so you wil be able to support each other in what seems to be in some cases a torturous wait!!!


----------



## Nefe

Hi
can I join you. We are waiting start of introductions which is on Monday.
Thanks
nefe


----------



## teamug

Wahoo Freedo congratulations 

Welcome newbies xx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, thank you so much for your messages, we are so so chuffed . Will give you an overview of panel!! Met our SW and she went through a few things , the chair came and introduced himself and told us what would happen and then our sw went in, after about 5 minutes they came and called us, they asked us the following ; 
How we found the process
How would we deal with issues children would have
Why 1 and not 2
Support network , 
When we came out I couldn't remember what they had said!! After about 3-4 min the chair came out and congratulated us and I hugged him!! 

Our SW is fetching us a profile hopefully end of week of a 10 month pink, I feel drained now!! Went for food after with DH and dad and came home and popped the Moët open!!! 

Thanks all, hope all ok, Troodles you will be fine xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Freedo soooooooooo pleased for you and very exciting about seeing a profile of a little pink x
Got everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## pringle

Hello all

I have been following you all but I don't tend to post much. I must say that I have learnt so much information from you all and I plan to start posting now that I am in stage 2 .

Lorella can I please be added to the list. We hope to be going to panel in January? 

Congratulations Freedo.

Pringle xx


----------



## Lorella

No probs Pringle. I have added you and updated front page.
Freedo- your panel experience sounds like mine! So exciting about the profile. Hope it's the perfect match! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo

Panel zone
Troodles - Nov 12th
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Ruthie82

Freedo - so pleased for you!

I just wanted to ask why do agency's vary so much in terms of the link/matching process before a final court hearing? Some people seem to know ins and outs of the linked child, others are matched before final court hearing and others know very little about the child etc. Just wondered if anyone could provide some insight??

x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Interesting thought Ruthie, there's so much still to find out xx

Freedo down and troodles next.... Gonna be a bumper week.... Exciting xx

Lorella: can't get used to seeing my name on your list, I keep going back to it and think wow, that's me!! xx


----------



## becs40

I think in our case it was an error. Lo had originally been identified as foster to adopt but they hadn't applied to court for that. I don't think our sw realised so we were shown details and unofficially linked and then we've kind of just become part of the process with lo. So no final hearing yet but if po is granted will be placed with us as foster to adopt until matching panel to alleviate any more delays within a few days of the final hearing.


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi ladies not sure if you've seen/heard on the news the reports about why theres been a drop in children coming thro the adoption system but ive found this article. .
Www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-3002988
In short theres been a 34% drop in children being approved by the courts for adoption in the last 3 months and its because LA have been misinterpreting a judges ruling last sept.. new legislation has come out today to rectify this so please gd we will all start to be matched very soon..

Got day 1 of training tomorrow so im gonna be asking some questions about this will keep you posted xxxx

/links


----------



## mammawish

Thanks for posting the article, and good luck tomorrow, Ozzycat. I will have my first prep. group next week! X


----------



## Ozzycat

Just found 2 more really good articles in the daily telegraph. .. this has definitely given me hope and now im excited about tomorrow rather then feeling " whats the point"  
Xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Troodles - good luck for tomorrow xxx


----------



## Freedo

Thank you everyone for good wishes! Troodles good luck for tomorrow, I know you will be feeling worked up now but you will be fine xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck for tomorrow Troodles   will b waiting for more good news


----------



## becs40

Troodles good luck tomorrow. Look forward to you joining the ever growing list of mummies to be tomorrow.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck tomorrow troodles xxx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. Feel sick, stressed and emotional!! X


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck troodles for tomorrow, I know you will be great xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck Troodles, looking forward to hearing all about it x


----------



## Lorella

Good luck today Troodles! You will be just great! Xxx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks everyone. Can't believe I actually got some sleep. Been awake for ages though and feel so sick. Keep crying. Hope I can get it together for later. 
Panel at 3 so gonna be a long day!! X


----------



## Forgetmenot

You will!  Believe x

When you get there a calmness will come over you.... You have done all the hard work x

They won't trick you and they want you to succeed.  This is your chance to say her we are and we are great!

Any child will be luck to have you as there mummy.... It's your moment, grab it with both hands and I promise you you will be like wtf was that all about!!

The grief didn't equal the fear!!

Good luck xx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Troodles today's the day you have been waiting for after everything you have been through....cant wait to hear how your celebrating xxx


----------



## DRocks

Good luck Troodles.


----------



## pyjamas

Spoke to SW yesterday. SW for child that we expressed an interest in at Activity Day had come back to her to say that while they liked us they were looking for a family with no other children. We did tell them on the day that my husband has a birth son but they didn't say anything then! On the other front we are still hoping that a placement order will be granted for LO whose BM is being reassessed. SW said that she is hopeful that this will go our way as assessment does not appear to be going well for BM but it is early days yet. We hope to hear more on that in January once BM 3 month assessment has finished


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Troodles. Try and stay busy this morn lol. By this afternoon you will be a Mummy to be!!!!!

Sat here waiting for SW. Getting fed up now with these weekly visits lol but the end is in sight. Today is No.9 of 11!!!! After this one only 2 more to go. It's a lot to be talking to a stranger every week for the last 3mths. On the upside, she wrote lovely reports from all our references. Made us feel like saints   Hopefully all these visits will be worth it and our PAR will be equally as glowing tho in reality think there will be major bumps in there to do with my adoption and DH's FIL. Oh well will just have to wait and see. 

Hugs to you Troodles


----------



## Lous mummy

EEEK read my PAR today! It's excellent stuff, 3 weeks on Monday until panel


----------



## Troodles

Unanimous yes!! Hasn't sunk in yet. 
Post more later xxx


----------



## teamug

Troodles - Yay well done and welcome to the mummy's to be list  x

Loki Girl - nearly done then you too will be joining us mum's to be  x


----------



## Freedo

Yay!! Congratulations Troodles xxxx


----------



## becs40

Congrats Troodles! Knew you'd do it. Hope you're off out to celebrate.  

Lous mummy glad you're pleased with Par! Not too much longer!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Whoop whoop troodles aka mummy troodles to poodles! Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wondered if anyone was up for a chat in the chat room later? About 830.... Just a thought.... We could open up a room xx 

Or could set an evening or time if anyone up for it xx


----------



## becs40

I'd be up for it if I can sus it out again!


----------



## Forgetmenot

I can sort a room! Let me know time and day and will sort xx


----------



## Freedo

I'm in!! xx


----------



## becs40

Whenever is good for me forgetmenot, well evenings obviously!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Going in .... Adoption buddies password PAR xx

Will hang for a little while, otherwise will try tomorrow at 8.30 xx


----------



## Lorella

Yippee! Well done Troodles! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles

Panel zone
Primmer - Nov 19th
Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## becs40

How do I see different rooms forgetmenot? I just seem to see the welcome room?


----------



## Loki Girl

YAY Troodles - so pleased for you. Well done. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long for your family  

We had a good session with SW today and a good thing was she said we only need 1 more session - woo hoo!!!! So she's seeing her supervisor next week rather than see us then if there is anything her supervisor says needs coverig that hasn't then we can tackle it on her last visit in 2 weeks. Can't believe the end is scarily close even tho I know the likelihood of a placement is like zero for us I am getting excited about hopefully being approved and I didn't think I would be. At the mo FIL is doing well and he seemed almost normal when we saw him for his birthday on Sun. He just had to have a lot of rests on our walk. But we went for a meal after and it was all really nice. So fingers crossed we will get a match next year. 

Anyways fab news on the PAR Lou's Mummy. After reading the 5 pages of her reference report I cant even imagine reading all what she will write about our sessions!!!

Good luck to those on training days etc xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

We weren't allowed any info on ours  nothing!!
That's great news though Loki xx


----------



## Lous mummy

Congratulations troodles! You must be on cloud 9 today!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations troodles xxx

Lous mummy im hoping to get my PAR soon to read as we go to panel three days after you xxx

Loki girl not long to go now xxxx

Hope everyone else is doing well xxx

The reminder of our references have been completed and have last sw meeting on sarurday xxx


----------



## Primmer

Just popping on to say Congrats to Troodles!


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. 

Glad you had a nice meal Loki and good news re your PAR Lousmummy. 

We're absolutely shattered. What a day. Not many questions asked really and no shocks other than Sw saying she has 2 blues in mind for us. 
We were and still are dazed!! Think she thought we'd be more excited but we were more shell shocked about the whole thing!!

Sorry no personals. 

Hi to all and good luck if anything coming up. 

DH birthday tomorrow so got a couple of days off and going away for the night. 

Hugs to you all xxx


----------



## becs40

Ooh Troodles 2 blues! That is exciting! When will you know more?


----------



## Troodles

Well she said she'll try and phone on Friday but we all know what SWs are like!! Lol x


----------



## Laws1612

hi all.....back on night shift so lots of time to catch up on whats been going on. 

Troddles congrats and good luck with potentional link sounds good. What a great start to the family finding...keep us updated....this place is filling with mummys its so great. 

forgetmenot im up for a chat tomoro night anytime is good with me if everyone else can make tomoro would be good to have a catch up with the gang.....would love to meet you all really....

becs saw your post about adopting 6 months old getting very exciting....when are you gonna know for defo i bet it is is killing you.

loki girl you are not alone i got to the end of 6 and had had enough of talking about myself haha not used it to...panel before you know it.

lous mum wow it has gone so quickly for you....or feels like it....probs not for you haha.....hope the par reads well....

freddo whats the plan for you next....

hi everyone else sorry i havent done more personals could only see one page of pervious.....hi to all i hope you are all well and things are coming along....im losing track of everyones date and progress.... im sorry so many of us i saw the list and its so big its so promising to see some many names. 

news for us is its slow going but have had a couple of postives this week.....

had a call from sw regarding a la that we contacted for a slibling group...unfortuaely we were not put gorward for the silbings but they liked our profile and wondered if we would consider a little blue who will be one next month, put is in good stead as she has contacted us and they dont want to do a huge family finding for him. they are hoping for adoption order this month....no reason why it shouldnt be placed as birth parents have no contact at all.....
other news is enquired about a a little one and pink on website. childerns social woker has seen pofile would now like to see full par ( seems promising) and is contacting our social worker tomorrow for more information.....all seems to be moving forward at once which is great as was beginning to feel abit sorry for myself and so was more dh lol.....bless him.....keeping everything crossed and as i am on nights time is going quickly.
Will keep you updated and if you want to chat tonight let me no xxxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats Freedo and Troodles. Sorry I've been away, been overloaded with work for the last week and upped my training at the gym, plus the counselling sessions I seem to never stop! However, it is so lovely to pop back in and see all the good news!

Welcome to all the newbies too. This is a fantastic place to be and everyone is zoo supportive. I hope you feel welcome. 

FMN - still nothing from SW team manager - I could keep pushing but not going to get myself a reputation. I'm just going to finish these sessions and then get on their case. They are making me work but yes I hope if anything it shows my determination and commitment. 2 sessions down, 4 to go... Will be interesting to see where we go from this when generally the main thing that comes out of the session is that the process has been unfair to me and how sad that is. It's great to have that acknowledged for me personally but I'm at the stage where I just keep looking at the positives gained from it. Better adoption regulations when I am finally approved for a start!


----------



## Skittle40

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me joining? 
We're just in the middle of stage 1 with our LA, filling in our profiles and waiting for our first course in December. 
I've just got a question about family, do they do DBS checks on our parents and siblings? FIL had a bit of a sticky time (he used to smoke weed a lot) when my DH was young and we're a bit worried that this is going to be an issue. 
Thanks and congratulations to all you mummy-to-be's!
xx


----------



## Lorella

Skittle - my cycle buddy 😘 xxx
I was wondering if you would join! Yay! So pleased you have. 

They only do background checks on you two as far as I know hun x


----------



## Skittle40

Hi Lorella! Yay! I've finally plucked up the courage to join!  OK cool, thanks. I don't know what to do about it, do I mention it or not? I want to as I don't want to keep anything from them, but it's not relevant anymore as this was all about 20 years ago. xx


----------



## Lorella

It's best to be as honest as possible but with that sort of thing I would say don't mention it. They will go into detail with your husband about his childhood though so he will have to be prepared to maybe scoot around that if it looks like it might come up xxx


----------



## becs40

Fingers crossed Troodles that would be a great birthday pressie for dh! 

Welcome skittles, there's so many of us on here now at all sorts of stages so loads of people to ask and support. Dbs is definitely only the two of you.

Starry your commitment and determination in this whole thing screams perfect adopter! I hope your agency recognise this now, it must feel great to have that back up from the counsellor now. Will they do a report to your sw as I'm sure that would aid you immensely.

Laws, fingers crossed you hear something with possible links too. Afm the 9th is dday with intros starting on 11th! My last working day will be 1/2 day on the 10th so only 1/2 day between finishing work and intros


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

Just had our first proper assessment meeting, our SW seems really nice although she got lost trying to find us.

I feel kind of exhausted now as i'm going over everything we said incase i said anything stupid or wrong! We have a lovely pub at the end of our road,and i made a joke about it being the selling point because they sell all the ales my partner likes and now im worried she will take it out of context!

we made it definitely clear that we are looking for a single child as this what feels right for us and that a couple of years down the line we would then be looking to build our family with a 2nd sibling, she kept mentioning sibling groups and maybe by the end of this process we might feel differently, but we are ever so clear that one is right for us at the moment. 

At our first stage one meeting we spoke about age range and although we put 0-3 on our application we do think that under 1 would be preferable for us and our first social worker said she would recommend 0-1 also as i need that nurturing part, but advised that we would probably be in for a wait which we are ok with, however i get the distinct impression that they only have ages 2+ at the moment as she kept mentioning different things that steered away from younger age range and now I'm concerned that we will be moaned at for wanting under 1...

I'm all in a spin now xxx


----------



## becs40

I really wouldn't worry about any of that at the mo Rose. My Dh has over 70 bottles of whisky as he's a collector but nothing was thought of it!
As for your ages etc just stick to what you know is right for you, I would say to probably be more open minded about being approved for a wider she just so if you do have a change of heart you've covered all aspects. There's nothing wrong in saying you would consider a slightly older child but your real preference is under 1. 
I've heard a few people say they were absolutely set in baby but then gone to activity day or similar and seen a slightly older child that they just clicked with. It doesn't always happen but if you're approved for a wider age it doesn't cause any problems if it does happen.
As for waiting things are constantly changing and by the time you get approved the whole situation may be very different as to how it is now.
Good luck.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Just wanted to moan.... Finding it all a bit hard not knowing anything!
Finally heard our ratification letters have been signed off today, so will no doubt get them next week.  Here's hoping something can now happen.
Cannot even concentrate at work, feeling rubbish about it, as doing so bad..... How do you being to get psyched up for this next bit.  Been proper teary today  x
Sorry for the me moan  xx


----------



## becs40

Ah forgetmenot no words of wisdom as our situation has been different in having been linked right from approval. But that's not to say we haven't had days like that, there's been many tears of sheer frustration at the lack of communication and misunderstandings etc. truthfully I think we just deal with it like everything else, you have your bad days and allow yourself to feel sorry for yourself and then you just know you have to pick yourself up and get on with it again and things get better until the next time.   For you though and hope you're feeling better soon.


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi Everyone

Hope everyone is well this week.

Lorella - How are things going?

Congratulations Freedo & Troodles!

Primmer - good luck for next week.

Loki - glad your not going to need more meetings, it will fly by now until panel.

Rose & Skittle - welcome.

My SW said after being approved you can feel a bit flat especially waiting to be matched, thinking of you Becs and Forgetmenot.

Sorry for the other lack of personals.

AFM - we are having our individual meetings with SW and then review on the 3 Dec, I think we will go to panel in Feb.

DH and I are spoiling ourselves for Xmas and going on a cruise, hoping next year our house will be busy with LO's 

Have a good weekend everyone.

xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Last Christmas 2013 and this Christmas we thought would be our first with a new LO but it was not to be


----------



## teamug

Forgetmenot - I know exactly how you feel, it's so hard waiting to be matched after panel 

And now even though we did find our 2 little pinks on an activity day, we are still waiting, it was 6 weeks ago, we showed our interest and here we are still waiting matching panel is now 15th December with hope of the introductions early January, but we still have no dates of what early January actually is, been told by SW we wont be told until at panel  normally it all starts straight after panel but as Christmas is coming it holds everything up, so frustrating 

We have a meeting with the foster carers Monday morning at our house, after reading some other threads on here they are judging us, on whether we are right for the children, but I find this difficult as we were told the F/C's wanted to keep the girls, so how can it be fair that they can say if we are right or not ? surely if they say we are not they get to keep them?

What questions did you girls who have been through this ask your f/c's ? how were they ?

Sorry no personals hope you are all good x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi teamug,

I would try and not worry too much. SWs would only take notice of a FCS if they said there was a need the girls had and if the FC felt you couldn't meet but your SW will know you well enough to know if it's true and what can be done to help I.e. The FC doesn't know much that you don't tell them as they don't see your CPR. But if they raised a question about ethnicity in area or supporting the girls heritage then you could answer this. If the SWs had concerns about this meeting they wouldn't be suggesting it. Remember SWs choose you and not the FCS so you must have lots more to offer the girls long term so focus on that and I'm sure it'll be fine.

Ps most FCs relax once they realise you have the children's interests at heart as they can begin to emotionally let go as they know the girls will be in safe hands in their forever homes.

Good luck x


----------



## teamug

Thanks Gertie, that puts my mind at rest and makes me feel happier about the visit


----------



## Barbados Girl

Defo, Teamug. The meeting with FCs is for your benefit so you can ask questions about the children. It really helps bring them to life, I found.


----------



## Lorella

Hi Teamug

In your circumstances it would be unfair to take FC opinions into account. Every case is different and all LAs/VAs seem to present differently. 
Before this meeting your SWs will already know that you are a great match for the girls so don't worry. I'm sure there will be nothing FC can say that will change their mind at this stage. 

It was a good opportunity to ask how she was? What she likes doing? How she was meeting her milestones eg crawling, any teeth yet etc?  We did go armed with lots of questions about types of washing powder, bottles, milk etc but found it was more important to talk more about her and getting to her and her routine. We got plenty of time to ask those sorts of questions later over email. 
The FC was lovely and I'm sure by the time your meeting comes your FC will be very professional and of put any past ideas about about adopting them to one side for the sake of the girls. 
Good luck and don't worry. It will be fine. 
Xxx


----------



## teamug

Thanks Lorella, got to do a massive house tidy today and finish off the girls bedroom, do they look around the house ?


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - they didn't come to our house, we met at the offices so don't know about that one. Sorry hun. 

A little update from me. Loretta doing brilliantly. We had our FC. Visit this week which was positive. It does not seem to of affected her or unsettled her so that's all good. We are gonna stay in touch. 

Today we visited both grandparents and they had a little cuddle for first time. Was really lovely. Loretta was shattered today as didn't sleep for long this morning and when brought her in from the car she stayed dozing in my arms all the up to her cot! That was soooo lovely. 

We are going on play dates and love getting out and about. She will of been home a month next week. She is attaching well. Sleeping and eating well. Giving us kisses and coming to us and looking to us all the time. 

Feel so lucky every day!

Paulapumpkin - cruise sounds fab! Def make the most of it!

Pyjamas - hugs hun  

Xxx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Huge welcome to all newbies and hugs to everyone. 

Sounds amazing Lorella, I bet you can still hardly believe she's yours!  Good luck for FC visit Teabag, I'm sure it'll be fine. 

Well I'm shattered. It's been a long week. DHs birthday day after panel so been busy with that, went away to new forest for a couple of days and been catching up with friends and family. 

SW called on Friday to say that her and 2 blues SW want to come visit on 28th to discuss. She hopes we'll have our ratification letter by next Mon and then she can gives us the boys CPR. 

To be honest I don't know how I feel. I always said I didn't care which colour but when she said 2 blues I i immediately thought oh no what about a pink one! Also the ages are 1 and 2 and I wanted as young as possible, thinking under 1 maybe. 

I know if we had birth children we could have 2 blue or 2 pink so I'm being silly but I wonder if I'll always yearn for a baby or will forget all that when (if) I have 2 gorgeous boys. I suppose they're only babies for a short while and 1 and 2 are still quite young. I know I'm being silly and fussy. Just scared that we'll take the first 2 that are offered just because we want it so much. Things may seem different once we've read their cprs. We've asked not to see any pics before we read so we can be objective. 

Such a hard decision isn't it. 

Sorry for whinge. 

Hope you're all having a nice weekend
Xxxxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Troodles only you can decide what is right for you and I felt very strongly about adopting as little as poss but the thing that seeing videos on Exchange Days showed me is they are very much babies at 15, 16 months. In fact, we recently saw our friends' twenty month old twins and they are still babies (and v cute). Also, adopted children can be a little delayed and need to be babied so they fill in those missing blanks with you which may mean you get the "baby experience".

Of course, call me a hypocrite as our son was eight months when he came home. Mind you, he is desperate to be a big boy like a lot of children that age!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is well. We had our last sw meeting yesterday and hopefully we will get to see our PAR in the next few days. So excited to see what is in it. We had to send a photo for the PAR and i think we took about 100 before we got the perfect one lol xxx


----------



## Arrows

Troodles, I echo what Barbadosgirl said, at 1 they are still very much babies and to get a sibling pair at 1 and 2, although hard work (although they all are!) it is about as young as you could get for siblings! There's nothing to prevent you from adopting a pink in a few years time and perhaps they'll get a sibling pink later and they may be offered to you too.
Our LO was 10.5mths when he came home and he truly was a baby till he got to around 2yrs. So many wonderful milestones in that time and still getting amazing developments every day. 
He's now about to turn 3yrs and he can just about count to 20, do 8 and 10 piece jigsaw puzzles without help, recognising the sounds at the start of words, find inventive solutions to problems, he shows immense empathy when anyone is hurt or unwell, a couple of months ago he learnt to jump with two feet together, he mimics not only the words we say but tone and attitude too (hilarious and annoying at times too!), he sings all the day long and is starting to get a little more adventurous every day (which is incredible when he came to us bare able to sit upright unaided, crawled at 13mths and walked at 17mths). 
However, each adopter is different and you need to think about what works for you as a family. I recommend getting all the facts, listen to their SW talk about them and you will be able to see if they're right for you. Very hard to imagine what a child will be like just based on paper.
Good luck whatever your decision!


----------



## becs40

Good luck teamug! Our lo's sw did see the nursery but only because our sw loved it and wanted her to see it otherwise I don't think she would have asked. She didn't look around anywhere else though.
Lorella it all sounds amazing and love reading the updates makes it seem so much more real for us now. Just hope and pray that everything goes our way on 9th as its going to be an almighty crash down otherwise! Doesn't seem possible that last xmas we'd not long finished Ivf and we're still reeling from it to thinking that if all goes to plan we'll be here a year later with a beautiful 6 month old lo. Surreal! 
More bargain hunting for me today as we have a local for sale group on ******** and I spotted someone advertising an ergobaby carrier for £10! Having been looking at slings and carriers I knew what a bargain it was (currently £105 in John Lewis) so was quick to respond and picked it up this am. I am delighted with it as so easy to put it on by myself, only disappointment is it's an older one so the waist band is 12" smaller than the new ones. It's fine for me but not dh. Have emailed ergobaby to see if can still get the waist extenders they used to do. If not will look to see if we can get the buckles and get a strap made.
Troodles exciting for you! We said we never had a preference on pink or blue but know my mum would love a pink as already has 2 grandsons and I thought I would too but have to say the further down this road we've got I'm thrilled lo's a blue! 
Tw1nk I know absolutely about the photo thing we were the same! You want to get not only a picture you don't mind yourself in (I say mind as no way I was ever even going to like a pic of me) but also wants to purvey you as ideal parents so warm etc! Tough task! 
Hello to everyone else hope you're all doing ok.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Great news troodles.... Go with your gut, you will know x

Hope all is ok with everyone x 

Still waiting on ratification, so still in denial... and keeping stum!!

Hopefully it will be here tomorrow x

Going to pop into chat if anyone is about x FMN x


----------



## Laws1612

Hello....just showing my face....hooe everyone is well...still waiting to hear back....drives me crazy....thought I was reasonably patient haha.....

forgetmenot I popped in but think you may have gone....hopefully we can all do it soon 
Troodles - congrats my god that has moved so quick.....you will work out what's best for you....please keep us updated...sending hugs xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone such lovely news coming through,  Lorella I lov hearing all ur updates, soooo pleased its going so well xx
Afm we had our 2 days training last week which I actually really enjoyed. . But it was all pretty negative and extremely overwhelming! !
But they did talk a little about the children they have available and they mentioned 3 siblings 1,2&3.. I turned to hubby and he nearly had a break down!!
Must stop thinking with my heart  

Trying desperately to get the homework done and submitted as theres a chance we might get on stage 2 and day 3 of training by December. .
Although it was all very doom and gloom we are still super excited about finally getting there and hopefully being matched soon  
Xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Hi everyone, it's so great reading this at the moment, so much is happening for people at all the different stages! Like Twink, I'm expecting my PAR this week, so hopefully all on track for Jan panel. I'm hoping for a bit of advice now though...

I went to a family finding event a couple of weeks ago - I definitely went mostly as an exercise to see what it was like, not expecting to be looking 'properly' at profiles since I'm not yet approved, but I surprised myself and was particularly drawn to the profile of one child. The child's LA were keen to talk to me, and took my name and the details of my LA, but they didn't ask for contact details for me and I have an independent SW who will only be with me to panel, so I didn't give her details. Also, the child's SW wasn't there, so I'm concerned that they might not follow it up and I won't hear anything more. I've drafted an email to the SW (her email address is on the profile which I have) and was wondering about sending it - introducing myself and requesting more information. I thought I could also attach the pen picture I wrote for my PAR. The thing is, I'm a bit worried that it's not 'the done thing' and that I should just be patient and wait for them to contact me via my LA. But then also worried that if I do that, I might not hear anything, and miss out on a match that could be just right!

Sorry - that's a bit rambly, but I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts?


----------



## becs40

Hi Rocket,
It's a difficult one. I'd be inclined to email and see if anything comes of it. What I would say though is to not get your hopes up as they may not be willing to take it further until your approved. Realistically very few sw's would link before approval as if there were any delays or issues it could have stopped another equally suitable match going ahead. I don't think you've got anything to loose by emailing though.


----------



## teamug

Evening all, wow lots happening,

Thanks for the well wishes for FC visit tomorrow and what happened when you had your meetings  it really helps chatting on here  we have finished decorating the pinks bedroom, got bedding, lamp shades, rug etc... looks lovely hope the FC think they will like it 

Lorella - love hearing your updates of little Loretta great news she is doing well 

Good luck reading your PAR's - Twink & Rocketj

Troodles - great news 2 blues 1 & 2 is still very young and very much at 1 still a baby, it's a hard decision on whether to wait for a pink but I too echo what the others have said and go with your heart, you may well be able to adopt again later for a pink, good luck  

Ozzycat - all sounds like its going well good luck 

Rocketj - I say send the e mail, we have been pushing and chasing through this whole process, I keep apologising to our SW for annoying her but she says she would rather know how much we want this by us keep on sending e mails etc, rather than be quiet and do nothing she would then question how much we really want this. So go for it  we went to an activity day and so far it's taken over six weeks, which we have been told is quick!  so even if you are not passed through panel yet it's worth a try as everything does take a long time and lots of waiting   Good Luck  

Hope everyone else has had a great weekend and ready for the next week of adventures in our world of adoption


----------



## RocketJ

Thanks for the advice, I think I just needed someone else to say yes, it is a good idea, so I've clicked send. I'm not going to pin too many hopes on this, but I'd rather know that I've done what I could to pursue it, and if nothing comes of it then it's not the right link. (That's the rational side of me talking - I'm trying not to let the emotional side rule the roost at the moment!)

I hope it all goes well tomorrow teamug, it sounds like you've made their room up beautifully xx


----------



## Troodles

Thank you for your wise words ladies. Hopefully I'll get a good feeling when we read the CPRs. 

Fingers crossed Rocket. Thanks Laws will keep you posted and hope you're rewarded soon for your patience!!

Thinking of you tomorrow Teabag 

Hi to all and lots of love, luck and hugs

Forgetmenot I can't get chat to work on my IPad. Will have to crank up the lap top next time there's a sesh 

Xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Es2013 x your inbox is full x but most definately happy to help xx


----------



## Rayofsunshine

Hi star 

I'm at almost the Sam stage as you. My and hubby start prep groups in jan and we are also filling out our registration paperwork! Wishing u lots of luck with ur journey. 

Ive bin volunteering as a school governer to get some more exp and have been babysitting my friends kids a lot! 

Have you gone with a VA or an LA? What part of the world are you from? 

Ray xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Good Luck to you both as you start this long hard process! I think if you haven't had much experience with children then your SW may wish you to try to get some, though this wasn't an issue with us as my husband has a birth son who I have had a lot of contact with. I think the most important thing to be aware of at present is how hard all the waiting can be especially once approved.


----------



## pyjamas

I am off work with bad back at the moment so struggling to find things to do! Have enquired about a few more children on Adoption Link and one has responded, asked for SW contact details and is sending her some paperwork. This has not happened before as usually they ask us to get SW to send them our PAR and then we hear nothing more! We have to wait till end of January to hear if the LO we are already interested in will get PO but SW says she is very hopeful. I know we shouldn't pin all our hopes on anything really as we have been disappointed before but it would seem strange to be considering another LO at the same time. Still I'm getting ahead of myself again as nothing may come of what SW is doing! xx


----------



## Laws1612

Thats postive pj....thats what we have to keep hold of all the postive things.....hood luck for jan that must be a killer....

im also off with bad bk...pulled it at work what a nightmare....xxx


----------



## chadwick13

Feeling frustrated today. We were supposed to be meeting the sw, etc and foster carer of 2 little ones this week but it's had to be postponed by a couple of weeks because they couldn't find a date when everyone's free. 

The plan is to meet out of county in the first instance, rather than at our house. If they like us, does anyone have any ideas how long it might be before they want to visit our house? We've been slowly getting organised (filled in the pond, etc) but still have a lot to do!


----------



## Arrows

when we did it, the SWs visited our house first, then the had the linking meeting and we met the FCs etc after we'd been linked. Everything happens very quickly after the meeting and everything being decided. You'll need to act quickly but don't stress about decorating etc until the link is set. They just want to see a clean, homely place with room for the kids and a good knowledge of your local area and all the fun things your kids can do once home.


----------



## Skittle40

Hi star and rayofsunshine! 
I'm at the same stage too! 
We are just filling in our profiles and writing our family tree. Finding this hard as really not used to talking about myself in such depth. We are booked on to the 1 day course on 19th dec, not got dates for the 2 day course yet.  We were looking to go with VA but are now with LA. 
Good to know there are a few of us together. 
Xx


----------



## teamug

pyjamas and Laws - hope your backs are better soon  

We met with the FC yesterday at our house, was nice to meet with them and talk about the little pinks the FF and SW came too which we found helpful, we now have been given an appointment with the pinks medical advisor just a couple of days before matching panel, it's so hard to not be doing anything I am so impatient and want to go buy loads of stuff 

The Girls SW had already looked around our house on her first initial visit and the FC didn't mention they wanted to look around, but I did take them to see the girls bedroom, they said they will love it  this made me very happy 

Now just more waiting 

Have a good week  x


----------



## tractorgirl

Evening everyone - hope you're all ok. It's very exciting to see so many of you with potential links, etc. 

Isn't the waiting post-panel hard, though? This is probably the most difficult part of the process so far. After the stress of assessments, panel and ratification, we now sit here waiting for that phone call or email with any news. It's torture!

To make it a bit easier we made the dreaded trip to Ikea on Sunday and bought a bed and drawers for the new bedroom. I love Ikea products but the whole shopping experience was hell - haven't people got anything better to do on a Sunday - lol!

Anyway, we are now in flatpack hell but at least it'll keep our minds off the waiting for a little while.

It's the third anniversary of my mum's death this weekend - I think this year will be even harder knowing what we've been through and the fact she won't be around to see a new grandchild. She was such a great grandma with my niece and nephew.I'm sure she would have been chuffed to bits knowing we are hoping to bring a child into our lives.

Anyway, sorry to bring the mood down. If anyone's good with a screwdriver, feel free to pop in and erect some furniture xxx


----------



## HannahLou

How exciting!!! Volunteering will definately help, i work in a nursery so i was fine but my SW did mention it to others in our group, unless you have lots of little children in your family


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi tractor.... I know how you feel.  The one person I wanted to tell we were through panel is, not here.  I went back to school after panel and on the way home in the car I sobbed.  Happy and sad tears as I know he would have been so proud and would love whoever we are blessed enough to come into our lives.

Waiting is hard.  But I hope where ever they are our lo's find there way to us xx

Hope everyone is ok x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sorry for lack of personals. Got a phone call off sw to say that our PAR had been read by her boss and that it was a positive report and that it had been sent to panel. Apparently it has been posted to us today for us to read and sign and return. Did anyone elses go to panel before they even read it? Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Hey Tw1nk I would of thought you get to read it first incase anything is wrong? We asked our SW if we could alter anything. She said if anything was factually wrong we could change it but everything else was her opinion. We couldn't change that but if there was anything we felt strongly about there was a place we could write it down. 

I don't know what normally happens but it doesn't sound right to me. Hopefully someone who has been through it can let you know what happens. Sure it's all lovely tho


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello ladies,

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I have been finding the wait hard. I should know coming on here helps to share knowledge and support one and other, as I know so many of you have been here or are here with me at the moment in the waiting game.

Sorry to hear about the bad backs.

Tw1nk82 - We were the same as Loki Girl however different agency's seem to vary in some many things perhaps this process is varied too? 

Love to everyone else x x


----------



## teamug

Tw1nk82- we also were sent our PAR to read before it was sent to panel and we could ask if we wanted anything amended. We got to read it a week before it was sent to panel.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks ladies i just wonder if it was done this way as i think they are trying to push us through quickly as panel is in three weeks. Hopefully everything will be fine. I will let you know tomorrow if itturns up xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs Ruthie, it's so tough... I for one is struggling... Though early days.  Trying to keep in perspective now!!

Twink we got ours first x maybe because they are moving you ahead, that reflection time isn't there, however if they are positive, then a good sign x

How's your meetings Loki... You must almost be there now x

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## Troodles

Just a quickie to say good luck Primmer for tomorrow. Can't wait to hear your good news xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

How did I miss that! GOOD LUCK PRIMMER XXX


----------



## Freedo

Good luck primer!! Xx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck today Primmer! You will be great xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Morning you gorgeous lot!!! 

We had the best news yesterday. We have been matched with 2 blues....we have been shortlisted for them so they are ours.....so exciting!!! Cant believe our luck there amazing....we new straight away. Xxxx


----------



## Laws1612

Good luck primmer.....cant wait to hear the news xxx


----------



## becs40

Good luck Primmer! X

Hi to everyone else.

Lorella loving reading your updates (promise I'm not stalking you on the parenting thread, but interesting reading!) 

Laws very exciting news! What ages? Do you have timescales yet?


----------



## Troodles

Oh wow Laws that's amazing!!!

What are their ages?

So pleased for you 
Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Thanks gals no timescales waitimg to talk to sw tomoro for what happens next.....troodles there 3 and 1  xx


----------



## Lorella

Wow! That's excellent news Laws. So so pleased and excited for you!

Becs - hee,hee! I hope what I post is helpful. It is a big step going out to groups and classes so think any feedback I give might help others when they are in that situation 😊. However after coming back from that Loretta has developed worse drooling rash! Hope not because of toys in mouth sharing 😖!! When you are a mum you worry about everything!

We have our LAC review today 😖. Hopefully will be fine. 

Hi to all xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck today Primer
Ammmmmmaazzzzzzzzing news laws... cant wait for u to get them home  

Lorella I hope u have enough napkins for all the drool he he xx

Afm we had a meeting with the sw yesterday to give us feedback on how we thought the training day wrnt.. they thought me and hubby came across well and asked lots of questions and she even said "I really like u guys and will try and take u on as mu next couple. . " so we must of mafe a good impression  
Stage 1 homework finished now just waiting for a date to start stage 2.. sooo exciting especially when u read all these lovely matches coming thro xxxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Primmer hope everything goes well today. Will b watching for your update. 

Laws - amazing news - that would be my dream 2 little boys lol. Hope it all goes smoothly!!

Forgetmenot - I'm with you. So scared to get approved then nothing happens. Has your SW not said that they have anything for you? I guess if they have kids in mind from their LA they show you profiles straight away but if not you are just left in limbo? Frightens me that we may have to try and source children and like pyjamas said just have to wait and then you might not hear anything. It's crazy!! Really not looking forward to that especially as I know odds are against us with FIL. Still as always it all out of our hands. I have been told time and time again through miscarriages and ectopics and failures that your children are out there it's just not time yet. So annoying cus I think 5yrs of heartache is long enough to wait!!! I have been waiting an eternity for something so simple to most people and it's as annoying as hell. I'm beginning to think getting approved is actually the easiest bit!!!

Anyways no SW visit for us today woo hoo. She is meeting with her manager so we should have final meeting next week and then in the nicest possible way that will be the end of her till panel   Sounds awful I know but she has some annoying sayings like the bloody we don't have a crystal ball which she says about 10 times a visit!!! Me and hubby take the mick about it all the time now lol. She is lovely but I'm tired of her judging my life and our thoughts and feelings and just trying to say what you think they want to hear. 

Got a horrible cold so bit under the weather and the witch is due so prob a good thing SW not here today   Hope those waiting hang in there cus what else can u do. Hope those with bad backs start to feel better and those with training and meetings etc are all going to plan. 

Group hug sent to everyone


----------



## becs40

Good luck Lorella sure it will all be good! The updates are very useful. I'm really struggling with how we can keep lo's adoption private, we live in a small village and hubby is chairman of parish council so we're well known in the village. Everyone will know we've adopted at all the village groups, sure they will forget over time. We will also do other things out of the village so that will be easier. Our la also does a stay and play group once a month for adopters only so that will be really good and I'm looking forward to that as feel that's going to be so much easier.
The comment about the emotion was a useful one too. I'm ridiculously emotional at loads of things so I'm sure that one will get me too so good for the warning!
We had a strange thought yesterday that we'll have to take lo to matching panel with us which will feel somewhat odd and a bit pressurised if I'm honest as they'll be seeing us face to face with lo to make their decision!


----------



## Loki Girl

Well thought I had escaped his week by no SW has just emailed us 3 case studies to go over and then we can discuss next week. Also got a list of identity questions to answer. 3 mths, weekly meetings only 1 to go and still getting homework


----------



## pyjamas

Loki girl, I think you are right about getting approved being the easy bit! it certainly was for us . It has been hell since approval. So much waiting about and nothing seeming to happen x x


----------



## Loki Girl

Pyjamas - I can't even begin to understand your journey length. You must be soooo frustrated. Did u get approved with your local LA? Have they seriously had nothing for you in over a year or have things just not worked out? I'm not even going to begin to try and be helpful by saying your child is out there somewhere cus I know when you have been waiting for sooo long it doesn't matter. I can't believe you also enquire after children and you don't even hear anything. It's like applying for a job but it's shocking they don't even reply to your enquiries. I always wonder if I will ever be in a position where I am a Mummy and it might not be easy but we will be a family and we'll try to do our best, but am always wondering if I will look back and think see it wasn't that bad. Yes we waited a long time and had to go through hell but then we wouldn't have these kids and maybe I won't be able to imagine a family without the little ones we end up with. I really hope next year is the year for us both and lots of other ladies on here. It has to be. Sending u a hug


----------



## pyjamas

Loki Girl- we have been to 2 Activity Days and most of the children we were interested in went to other adopters. we saw two CPR as a result of first Activity Day but felt that both were beyond our capabilities. Our SW has shown us 2 CPR before Placement Orders were granted and both did not get them. SW is still hopeful that the second one will get Placement Order when it goes back to the courts in January xx


----------



## Primmer

We got an unanimous yes at panel this afternoon - so relieved!


----------



## Laws1612

New you could do it......congrats primmer......woohoo another mummy to be xxxx

Thanks girls for all the support. Its really great....there has never been anything but good things said on this page and im so glad that we can all share our positive and sad news altogether....

Loki girl -  they are working you hard girl lol....like being back at school. hehe..

lorella your news is always so lovely to read...cant wait to be that worrier....I worry about my dogs im gonna be a nightmare haha....

Becs - I no I keep asking but when is the date happening -  I just want that gorjus nursery of yours to be full!!

forgetmenot - have you told people yet...when is your sw visit?

PJ -  im so sorry to hear that your having a rough time, it will happen for you. I know it always feels like nothing is happening im sure your sw is busy behind everything you see I didn't realise quite how busy my one was enquiring for children for us. I think the problem is there not allowed to tell you ales you get shortlisted and it feels like nothing is being done. Atleast you are being proactive. Adoption link keeps filling with children most days im finding there are always new ones. keep smiling....

ozzycat - hows things?? xxxx
sorry if ive missed anyone tried to get as many as possible. xxx sending  to all xxxx


----------



## Primmer

Thanks Laws - congrats on your match, how exciting!


----------



## Rowan22

Can I join you, ladies?

After a couple of years of trying to do surrogacy via COTS, which didn't work for us, we decided to try adopting again and we've now been accepted by a VA! We've just had an email with a lot of papers and forms this afternoon and I'm confused just trying to take them all in at the moment (what is an ecomap? A genomap?) I'm worried about the medical because I do have medical conditions but we were told at the first meeting that these shouldn't be an issue (I hope). Just filling in that form is depressing, though, because the poor health is why I couldn't conceive. 

Anyway, I've been following this thread and congrats to those of you who've been through panel and are waiting for your matches. Exciting!


----------



## becs40

Congrats primmer wonderful news!

Rowan welcome! Only got a minute to reply as off out but don't worry about medicals, a lot of us have various things etc but if they've discussed these at your initial meeting and seen no reason not to continue you'll be fine. Many people have illnesses or disabilities and they really just want to see you can manage.

Laws, lo hopefully moving in mid dec will post as soon as we've heard for definite but will be super quick placement.only expecting a day between being told and intros starting!


----------



## Freedo

Congratulations primer!!! We had email off sw today to say we have been ratified so we awe now fully fledged adopters!! Also I'd all goes well with this little pink she wants us to go to panel 13 Jan, but one step at a time!! xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Brilliant news Freedo and Primmer, and how exciting for you Laws! There's so much action to keep up with   
I decided to email the SW directly about the child I am interested in, and she replied yesterday to say she'd be in touch with more information for me, so it seems being proactive and a bit pushy is definitely the way to go! I'm expecting to get my PAR to read tomorrow, and then I won't have much to do until the new year.


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Primmer


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Primmer - well done. So thrilled another Mummy to Be had been added!!!! Fill us in when u get a chance. 

Good luck Freedo as well hope it all works out tho don't blame u being cautious. I know I would be!!

Welcome Rowan, I echo Becs, I wouldn't worry too much. The main thing is showing you can cope and asking for help from your support network should you need too. Our SW is constantly asking if we would ask for help lol!!

Basically the ecomap and genomap is your family trees and your support network of family and friends and how often u see then etc. it's quite cool when it's done as it's amazing how many friends and family you can end up with. We even added in the people we meet dog walking lol!!! We did these with our SW rather than on our own but you should be told what they expect it too look like. Good luck. It's exciting to get started!!!


----------



## tractorgirl

Congratulations, Primmer - fantastic news! 😀


----------



## Tw1nk82

Primmer and freedo congratulations xxx

Laws how exciting two blues xxx

Rowan welcome xxxx

Hi everyone xxxx

So PAR never turned up today but sw rang to say that panel advisor had read it and we needed to add extra info to some bits. She said that this was positive as it means that hopefully we wont get asked too many things at panel. She has resubmitted the PAR now so we will have to see what they say. Our new PAR will be posted out to us again tomorrow. She did say that a new sw will be coming to see us soon which will be our family finder xxx


----------



## Lorella

Yipee! Great news Primmer. Really pleased for you!
That's it for November now I think.....4 coming up in December though. You will all be getting early Xmas pressies I'm sure! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer

Panel zone

Notgivingup - Dec
Lou's mummy - Dec 8th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Ruthie82

Congrats Primmer 

Love to all x x


----------



## Troodles

Hi everyone, welcome newbies. 


Sorry just a quickie


Congrats Primmer. Fantastic news!! Xxx


----------



## Primmer

So excited to be in the mummies to be part of the list 😄. We had a 45 minute delay before we went into panel due to the one before us overrunning which made for an anxious time as we had wait around ages last time only to be told it wouldn't go ahead and so didn't help my nerves!

When we did go in the panel were really nice and we were asked a few questions but nothing too bad and most of which we had thought they might ask.
Only out of the room a couple of mins when our sw came out and told us it was unanimous approval. Our sw also went through with is all the positives that panel had mentioned to her which was really nice.

DH and I did go out for a late celebratory lunch but it was a bit muted as my dad had been taken into hospital on Tuesday and was having surgery yesterday and so went spent last night at the hospital. It was good to share our news with him and he was really pleased. As a result though we haven't really had a chance to tell many people yet and so will try and do so over next few days and weekend.


----------



## becs40

Oh primmer so lovely to hear! You'll be able to celebrate at the weekend. You shared it with the most important person so that's nice and sure it was a tonic for your dad. Hope he's swiftly on the mend!


----------



## teamug

Evening all, wow loads been happening  

primmer & Freedo -  Congraulations 

Laws - Wow wonderful news 

Rowan - Welcome 

Rocketj - well done on being proactive the SW's do seem to like this   good luck 

Becs - great stuff it will happen for you before Christmas 

   to all


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello all,

So glad to hear of lots of good news on here

We have a meeting with our sw and a possible match child's sw next week at our home. Any ideas of what to expect? Feel so unprepared but don't know how to prepare!?!

x x


----------



## notgivingup

Congrats freedo, primmer and laws. Great news. 

4 weeks and counting till approval panel for us.  Just wishing the time away and then Xmas will be upon us! 
X


----------



## chadwick13

Ruthie82 - congratulations! You might want to read this http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329704.0


----------



## Tw1nk82

notgivingup i know what you mean. We are three weeks and counting until panel xx


----------



## RocketJ

PAR arrived today, and despite having a million and one things I should be doing (packing to go away tomorrow, marking my class's literacy books...) I've spent the last two hours trawling through it! I'm pretty happy with the report, but I couldn't stop myself from correcting all the typos and formatting issues, so I hope my SW doesn't take offence!

Primmer, I hope you have wonderful weekend sharing your good news with friends and family xx


----------



## Nicola30

Welcome to the world of adoption 

Buckle up tight and enjoy the ride, it's perfectly normal to feel nervous (scared, excited, anxious, unsure, happy etc).

I think a lot of people on here will say the same, the process is the easiest part, it's what comes next that's difficult. Enjoy discovering yourself, and finding how strong you really are 

Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Ruthie- great news on possible match. After our meeting like that things started to go really quickly as we knew already she was the one! We also knew they really wanted us so was quite a relaxed meeting. We got to see more photos and ask some more questions. Just really made sure we came across well to child's SW really. Good luck 

Rocket - great news on your PAR. 

I'm sure Loretta said mum yesterday! She's using her walker well so I don't think it will be long until we get some steps so exciting times!
LAC review this week went very well. We've been given a date at the beginning of Jan when we can apply for adoption order!! So exciting! 

Exciting times for lots coming up. Hi to everyone xxx


----------



## tractorgirl

Evening, everyone - thank goodness it's Friday and almost wine o' clock!!! Our SW rang me this morning to say they were having a matching meeting about us this afternoon and the six-year-old boy we are linked with. Apparently it went well and they believe we have a lot to offer him, which is great news. The only concern for us is that he is prone to violent outbursts, although he has been much better since been taken into care. He recently spat at his foster carers' dogs and cats (they don't know why), and this is worrying us a little as we have two lovely little dogs and cats. They've never bitten anyone before and our worry is that this little blue could show aggression towards one of them and there's a risk he could get nipped. We can't even contemplate re-homing them. These dogs are our children but we know we can't monitor the boy 100% of the time and there's always a risk he could lash out. Does anyone else have any experience of this? I don't care if he hits me, but I couldn't cope if he did start on the dogs. He doesn't hate animals, but I think his birth family had pets and they probably weren't treated that well, so his foster carers are re-educating him. This is such a dilemma as he's great otherwise. We've met him and got on really well with him - it's just this pet issue that's ruined the otherwise great news we got today.

Time to open that wine, me thinks! xxx


----------



## becs40

Oh tractorgirl that's a really tough one! I know during the assessment we had to be prepared to rehome if there was a problem and our sw did say more often than not it's because of the child and not the pet that's the issue.
I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid but can understand how difficult this is. I was devastated at the thought of having to rehome our beautiful dog, not least because of the crap life she had before us and she's about 11 now we think. So it would be traumatic for her. We are exceptionally fortunate that if the situation did arise my parents would take her and they're only a mile away so it wouldn't be completely horrendous for her but bad enough.
 For you though because that's not a nice position to be in. Is there a room you could shut off with a stairgate to make it difficult for him to access the dogs? Just at least until you can trust him more?


----------



## Arrows

tractorgirl, our son is currently going through a phase of hitting, kicking, headbutting and throwing things at me (well mostly me anyhow!) and we've had issues with him hugging the cat tight and throwing things at her. We've taught him cat body language i.e. flicking her tail, hissing etc means she's cross and doesn't want to play or be stroked. We've also taught him consequences to his action through both our disciplining him for bad behaviour (i.e. threw  a wellie at my head and hitting me because I told him no TV. He gets 3 clear warnings with the consequence clearly stated each time and in this instance the consequence was no bath that night) and we ALWAYS stick to what we say.
In the same way we have told him that if he hurts the cat or keeps pestering her when she has said no by hissing or flicking her tail, then she will get cross and may scratch him. He then gets help cleaning up or to calm down if upset but very little sympathy and once he has been cleaned up/ calmed down he has to apologise to her. He is about to turn 3yrs. We have followed this principle with all children who have ever visited the house.
My parents have two very large dogs and have taught our son how to behave around them too.
Involving him in the care of your animals will help, as well as describing feelings constantly, yours, his, the animals too.

If your dogs growl or bark there'll be no problem but if they bite it will be a serious health and safety issue and you'd have to consider a muzzle or rehoming. Cats it depends of if they just bat him with a paw, scratch or bite but mine has done all of those to DS, almost all provoked by him and he adores her.
He now takes pride in being gentle with her.


----------



## tractorgirl

Thanks for your replies. 

Arrows - our dogs have never bitten anyone before and they have plenty of experience around children as they stay with my friend and her four children when we go on holiday. She also comes round to dog-walk them for us at lunchtime when we're at work. Her children insist our dogs sleep in their beds when they stay and our dogs love it so they're very loving and friendly with children.

They are crate-trained and when my nephew and niece come round, they'll often disappear in their crate or upstairs under our bed where they can get some peace and quiet. We could crate them if we had to leave the room for a few minutes - it's not ideal as really we'd like to teach our child to respect animals. If he treats them with respect they'll be the best friends he'll ever have.

My worry is that he might suddenly lash out at one of them (even with us there) and he could get a nip from one of them or a nasty scratch from the cat.

If that happened, what would social services do? Is it a clear case of us getting rid of them, even though it was the child's fault, or would they look at it as part of his re-education but insist we monitor it closely. With the behaviour he has shown in the past, this is a possibility. 

I'll probably email my SW over the weekend to share our concern. Fortunately she's very level headed and has dogs of her own so she might be able to offer us some advice.

Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Going to pop into chat if anyone fancies one x


----------



## Ruthie82

chadwick - thank you for the link It is good to hear of others experiences.

Lorella - thank you  glad to hear your little one is doing well Exciting about January!

Tractorgirl - definitely voice your concerns with your sw they may be able to offer some advice/tips 

x


----------



## Rowan22

Thanks for the welcome, everyone. Loki, I love your name! Is it your dog's name and is he very mischievious?
I'm still looking through everything that needs filling in at the moment. We don't get any visits until stage 2 starts. We have to book medicals but the doctor I saw yesterday for a review appointment said he'd say I was fit, despite the conditions, so I'm hoping he's the one I see when I have to have that form filled in!

He kept trying to persuade me to foster, though, because that's what he does with his wife and he said it's easier than adoption and you get more support. I don't know about that, the problem I'd have with fostering is that I wouldn't want to give the child back. 

Tractorgirl, that's a tough one. We have two cats and they're much loved family members, even if one does wake me up half the night wanting early breakfast! I wouldn't want to rehome them.

Rx


----------



## Primmer

Tractor girl - that is a tough one. We have a cocker spaniel but luckily he has been crate trained and sleeps in his crate and goes in there willingly she we are out or if we are eating meals and so we will be using the crate she we get a child both to keep the dog safe if necessary and to give him some peace and rest.

Despite only be approved on Wednesday we were sent 10 profiles of little blues to consider and of the 10 we have expressed an initial interest in 8 so fingers crossed we hear something back.


----------



## Lorella

Wow Primmer 10 profiles is great! Hope you hear something back soon. Sounds really promising 😊 xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow primmer... Your sw on that ball. I can't believe how different each local authority are.

Ours has come up with nothing.  We are just registering with all the other things online, and seeing what's out there.

Good luck xx


----------



## Lous mummy

So, 2 weeks until panel and the social worker will come out and see me on Wednesday for panel prep, this will be our last session as a not yet approved! I don't know why but for some reason I have this really odd feeling that she is going to bring a profile with her, we did talk briefly a couple of weeks ago about a couple of children that were very close to receiving their adoption orders, and she has said in the past that she may give more info before panel, but this feeling I have, it's weird, I've even dreamt about it! I'm I mad? Maybe just hoping?!


----------



## becs40

Primmer that's amazing fingers crossed something comes of them!

Tractorgirl sw sounds like it's definitely the right approach especially if she has dogs as they're always a bit more understanding and realistic about things!

Lous mummy you never know, if she's mentioned a couple of possibilities nearing placement order then the timing could be just right, fingers crossed! Dreams can be incredibly telling. I had a friend who had been ttc for a couple of years and I had a dream she was pregnant, I texted her and told her and it transpires I had the dream the day she found out she was indeed pregnant! I dreamt last night about our lo and us as a family which is the first time and considering we first heard about lo 4 months ago it seems strange so hope it's a good omen.

Hi to everyone especially the newbies, you're joining the board at quite an exciting time with lots going on for lots of us. If you read through though we've all had ups and downs throughout so don't panic if you hit a down for a bit as that's all normal but we all will hopefully get there in the end.
I always think of it as a bit like getting married, a lot of people dream of the fairytale wedding and that's the happy ever after end of the story when in reality it's the beginning of the book. Much like that approval panel is the beginning of our books where the journey really begins.

Lorella I'm so envious of your updates and hearing all the lovely things going on.

Laws any news from you? Last time you were waiting to speak with sw, I know things move unbearably slow in ss world though which is frustrating to say the least!


----------



## Laws1612

Hi becs......sw was off thursday and then childerns sw off friday....arrggghhh....need to know something hehe....
Hoping to get dates for meetings tomorrow so i will let  you all know. 

Had a busy weekend and now back to work with my bad back which is not good may have returned to soon, hate being off work tho..

sorry i havent done any personals. I hope you are all ok. have read all the updates there are some things coming up very exciting, as usual you guys will be the first to know my updates ( Normally before DH if i cant get hold of him) haha......sometimes i think im gonna burst if i cant just tell someone haha.....

I will try a big update soon hehe...
Love xxxx


----------



## Lorella

Forgetmenot - good luck with your online enquiries Hun. 

Lou's mummy - ooh hope you get to see a profile! So exciting!

Becs - can't wait to be hearing all about your mummy adventures soon 🙏

Laws - hope get dates soon

Hi to everyone

We have the life story book coordinator coming to see us today. Yesterday the 3 of us had a photo shoot ( of sorts!) to try and get some nice ones of us to go in it! Then we are meeting Nana, grandad and Lorettas cousin at the duck pond and back to nanas for lunch and play 😊

Have a great day everyone. Hope you all get lots of good news and things move forward xxx


----------



## Troodles

Morning all

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. 

What have you all got going on this week in the crazy world of adoption?

Tractor girl hope meeting went well Friday and you find an easy way to solve the doggy issue. 

Becs not long now hun. 

Forgetmenot click enquire!!!!

Blimey Primmer 10!!! Good luck. 

Lousmummy sounds promising and panel almost here!!!

Lorella love reading about you family. 

Laws good luck, hope you get news this week. 

Hi to all and sorry to anyone I've missed, especially newbies, hello and welcome!!

We are expecting our ratification letter today or tomorrow and then SW is dropping blues' CPRs off, then her and the boys SW are coming to house on Friday to discuss them with us. 

Scary stuff!!

Have a good week all and I look forward to hearing your news

Xxxx

Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - it's all go for you and your little blues! I'm so excited for you! You will be a mummy soon! Xxx


----------



## becs40

Sounds like a lovely day planned Lorella.

Troodles exciting stuff, it's torture waiting for more news.

Same there Laws, it feels like the world stops turning just waiting for the next step all the time! It's agonising knowing the lo's are out there and could be ours but we have to wait through all the paperwork bits etc when they could be with us getting on with our lives.

Tractorgirl hope sw has managed to reassure you.

Afm well getting more and more scared as d day approaches! Scared it won't go through then scared it will lol! Getting organised by doing xmas shopping so have most pressies sorted now for people. Xmas cake in the oven as we speak making the house smell lovely. Fil's house is keeping us occupied too as building well under way and new windows and doors going in from tomorrow so can't wait to see the transformation that will make. Was supposed to be meeting kitchen designer on site this am but they cancelled for the 3rd time now! I've done a plan myself that I'm happy with so they're just coming to measure up and make sure they can't come up with anything better. We're on to the bits I like most now -shopping! Tiles for the bathroom, cloakroom suite, bath, carpets, kitchen obviously and paint etc so all the fun bit whilst everyone else does the work now. 😊


----------



## moobags

Hi all can I please join you.

We were approved a couple of months ago its been a tough old journey 9 ivf cycles one miscarriage and 6 chemical pregnancy we should have given up and gone down the adoption route earlier but hind sight is such a wonderful thing.

Not sure what we can do other than register with CWW BMP and AL our social worker is not the best she has only come to us with one profile who was way out of our matching requirements and I suspect she only brought us that so it looked like she was doing something.

It's so frustrating I am fully aware we haven't been waiting two minutes but it doesn't half drive you daft we go from days of we can handle the wait etc etc to desperation and despair I am sure all of you lovely ladies have felt the same.

Becs do you have a date for when LO will be home with you how old is she I bet you cannot wait.

Lorella how old is you LO have family intros gone well how did you manage to keep family away without upsetting or offending them I know if we get to that point my Mum will be practically camped outside our door.

Troodles and Lous good luck for panel.

Moo x


----------



## becs40

Hi moobags, welcome. You certainly did go through it didn't you! I'd always said if only there was some way of knowing right from the start that it's not going to happen for you, how much more heartache it would save.
Hoping po will be granted on 9th then intros start on 11th. Lo will be 6 months. It's the only profile we've seen and we've been hanging on waiting through several changes of plan since August so it can't come soon enough! 
I know my mum is also going to be the same and only lives a mile and a half away, especially as it's Christmas in 4 weeks! My dad genuinely said they'd be meeting lo the day hd moves in!   So it's going to be interesting!


----------



## moobags

Wow not long at all although for you it probably seems a lifetime away.  We have toyed with the idea of not telling parents until after LO came home (if we get that far of course) my family are all on the doorstep and they wouldn't be able to stop themselves from just calling in.

What a wonderful Christmas present for you.

Fingers crossed for all the LO's that PO's start being granted sooner so that they don't have to wait for their forever famlies I know the wait for us adopters is a killer but the poor mites just waiting with each passing month just breaks my heart.

Moo x


----------



## Ruthie82

Moonbags - Didn't want to read and run. I know exactly what you mean, some days the wait is more bearable other days it isn't and with that i sometimes find it isolating too. Natural i guess Have you had any links? What age group are you looking for?

Lorella - Sounds like an interesting and fun filled day


Love to everyone else x


----------



## moobags

We had two links on adoption link but they didn't progress as in the end he issues were far too complex.

What stage are you at ruthie x


----------



## Ruthie82

Moobags - Arh that's a shame but you have to follow what is right. We have been approved and now have a possible link so we will see once we find out more


----------



## Lorella

Welcome Moobags. Good luck. Our LO is 10 months. Family intros have gone great. We made sure from very beginning that they knew all about the process and what it entailed. Parents went on a course, gave them some books to read, opened a private group in ** for all best friends and family and kept them in the loop the whole way. They have all been absolutely brilliant and totally gone with everything I have said. Mum couldn't wait to pick up Loretta but I made her wait a month but she totally understood and respected that. No one has been upset or offended because they knew the score from day 1 😊 xxx


----------



## Freedo

Hi sorry no personals at the moment. Sw came out and showed us the profile of the 10 month old pink, she was perfect meeting all milestones but complicated bf background, when we seen pics and video although she was adorable we didn't feel anything, we decided not to take it any further. Feel awful but know it was the right thing. Sw is going to keep looking xxxx


----------



## Lorella

Freedo - that's a shame Hun but you have to do what feels right for you so don't feel bad xxx


----------



## moobags

Freedo it is hard saying no we felt extremely guilty when we pulled out of an enquiry what doesn't feel right for you and I will be a perfect match for someone else.

Just wondered if any of you have been considered or have the support of your SW in looking for children of a different race our social worker is not willing to be open to the idea and was wondering if this is typical of all workers or just ours.  

Moo x


----------



## Laws1612

Moo.....we actually got cprs for a sibling group who were mixed race (we are both white British) unfortunately we saw a few pofiles and another one was picked up our social worker never mentioned the fact they were mixed race. I think if it is right for you and the childern that should be the only case xxx

hi everyone!! Bk bk later xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Lorella - That sounds like a good plan re family, how do you begin that process? 

Freedo - However hard it is good you follow your feeling and what was right for all involved.

Moobags - we were asked during stage two about different races I suppose they have to be cautious.

Love to everyone x


----------



## Ruthie82

Has anyone had any luck finding talking books?


----------



## moobags

Our social worker for some reason sees it as an issue I have five cousins who are all dual heritage it maybe worth us having another conversation with her.

Ruthie I think I saw somewhere that there is a talking book on Amazon how are things progressing for you how old is LO

Moo x


----------



## Ruthie82

Moobags - Definately worth another conversation with your sw.

x


----------



## Freedo

Hiya our s worker emailed today to see how we are, and said that she thinks we made the right decision, so I feel better now also. She said they have a little pink which they are hoping to have placement order for in two weeks, but in meantime she is going to look with other la 's as we are in wales there is now a merged register, so fingers crossed. Hope everyone is good xxxx


----------



## Troodles

Ruthie

Have you seen this?

www.toysrus.co.uk/Babies-R.../Lamaze-Flutterby-Photo-Album(0130261)

We were told about 2 blues last week and felt we would go ahead if there was nothing shocking in the CPR. Once you've read that im sure you'll be able to make the decision. Good luck.

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all ok.

We had a yes from ADM today so that's good then Sw dropped 2 little Blues CPRs round. Just off to read them again for the 20th time!!!

Big hugs to all xxx

/links


----------



## Primmer

Moonbags - welcome to this thread, I hope you find your lo soon.

Lorella - really love your updates, sounds like you are settling into to family life x

Freddo - I am sure you will find your lo, sounds hopeful about the other little pink, fingers crossed for you.

Troodles - how did you get on reading the 2 blues CPRs?

AFM - it's so tough reading profiles and CPR reports and deciding if the lo could be part of your family. Since Friday we have seen about 15 profiles, all of little blues. We have also read 3 CPR reports, 2 of which made for very difficult reading. Of the 3 CPR reports we feel that 1 child has too complex medical issues for us, another child we are concerned about huge levels of uncertainty regarding whether lo could inherit personality disorders of the parents. The other CPR does not contain much detail and is quite out of date but we have indicated that we are interested as from the brief details we know he sounds like he would fit in with us.


----------



## Troodles

Hi Primmer (and all)

Wow so many things to read, your heads must be spinning!!  Fingers crossed for this little blue, hope you get the information soon and all is good.

2 blues CPRs didn't bring up any concerns really which is a good sign.  It's weird that I don't have this huge feeling of WOW THIS IS IT WOOHOO!!  There was nothing in the report that would put us off, other than an unusual name of one of them and we would be concerned that he would be easily traceable in the future.  SW has already said she has asked whether a name change could occur.  Meeting her and the boys SW on Friday to discuss more but ATM can't thin kof any questions to ask her.  There must be something!!!   

Hope you're all having a good day.  It's the middle of the week so the weekend is in sight.........!!

XXX


----------



## pyjamas

Nothing much happening for us. I guess that's it for 2014 and we have to hope that come end of Jan 2015 LO will get PO this time after second assessment of BM. Lots of good news for others. We hope to be in your shoes next year


----------



## Loki Girl

Woo hoo. Can officially now say we have had our last SW meeting!! Can't believe how excited I am. Think cus I had been telling myself there must be more and she'll come today and tell us we need more sessions but she didn't. She was here for a bit longer just to tidy up some questions she hadn't asked but we got there. We are officially booked in for panel in Jan and all she needs to do now is come back mid Dec with our PAR. I thought this got sent to you? Bit worried that she is going to bring it and we have to sit there and read it in front of her and try and digest it all  But anyways apart from that can't believe  we are nearly at the end!!!! Did everyone else get their PAR sent or did u read it with SW?

It's so exciting hearing all bout these profiles and am really hoping we are finally one of the lucky ones who can see a profile quickly. It was funny cus she had given us some case profiles to look at over the last week and we had noticed they were all boys but then she said when I picked them I did boys cus I know you have a preference - she does listen  

Anyways it's hard to keep up now with who's looking at profiles etc lol but Troodles I think we expect to get an instant connection with these children but it's hard to look at pics and imagine them as your children so I wouldn't worry bout not feeling over the top. 

Primmer I couldn't even imagine being sent 15 profiles!!! We only get to see 1 at a time. Hope your little man is the one.

Freedo - only you can know what's right for your family. Maybe the next little pink will be the one

Moobags - funny our SW threw us a curve today asking if we would consider mixed race children cus apparently government is keen for this. We kind of said we wouldn't mind but didn't want our children to stand out if they were totally different to us and our family. We agreed on white but any origin like European etc.

Becs - not long to wait now. Hope u are doing ok with the wait!

Tractor girl how's it going? Must b a hard scenario to know what to do. I discussed it with DH and we thought for us we probably wouldn't go with that placement knowing the violent outbursts. We had our Loki girl after my 1st miscarriage so is really my baby lol. There is no way we could get rid of her so hopefully our placement will be fine with animals!!! Tough one tho. I def feel for you. 

Forgetmenot - have u done some enquiring yet  

Lorella -sounds like your little one is doing great!!!

Hi everyone I have missed hope all having a good week before we all descend into Xmas madness lol xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey ladies sorry to dampen the mood just feeling a bit down. ..
The sw worker just called and said there not sure if they can progress us to stage 2 at the moment. 
My dad was diagnosed with bone cancer in march and hes a proper fighter
Hes on his 5th round of chemo , 1 more to go and then hopefully an operation and then the all clear so the end is in sight. 
The sw's are worried that we can't cope with stage 2 and my dad being ill at the same time. 

I fought my corner and said we've been dealing with this for 9months now and this is the best hes been but its their decision. 
There meeting again next Tuesday and will then let us know if were doing the 3rd day of training 2 days later which were provisionally booked on or wether our application will be on hold till..... ?? Something else they will need to discuss! !!!!!!
If its next year then its because our little one isnt ready to come to us yet  
Xxxx


----------



## teamug

Hi All

Ozzycat - sorry to hear your sad news, hope things work out for you 

I am also on a downer now as had a call from our SW this afternoon and our panel date is now not happening in December    we have a meeting on Friday to go and talk to SW and her supervisor for them to discuss what's happening very upset.


----------



## Tw1nk82

ozzycat and teamug sending you both big hugs   xxx

Loki i bet you are happy that your final meeting is over. wont be long until panel now xxx

Primmer i cant imagine reading through 15 profiles. Hope you have found the one xxx

Troodles good luck with the 2 blues xxx

Hi to everyone else xxx

So our PAR finally landed today and i can honestly say that i am happy with it 100%. Now just need to try and chill until panel two weeks tomorrow as if eh? xxx


----------



## Primmer

Ozzycat - sending hugs, hope any delay isn't too long xx

Teamug - so sorry about the news, hope the delay is only to January x

Lokigirl - what a relieve to have finished the meetings

Twink - great news about your par. Hope your 2 weeks fly by x


----------



## becs40

Ozzycat and teamug sorry to hear your news. I hope the next few weeks speed by and you both get to panel quickly.

Loki how fab to have finished your meetings. One step closer!

Twink great news on par! Not long now.

Troodles looking forward to hearing your updates soon 😊


----------



## Troodles

Ozzycat big hugs, really hope they reconsider. 

Teabag so sorry Hun, fingers crossed it's rearranged for very soon. 

Lokigirl hoorah meetings all done well done. 

Twink fab news about your par, panel will be here before you know it and you'll be in the m2b gang!

Thanks Becs, will let you all know how mtg goes on Friday. Still can't think of any questions for blues' SW. 

Love to all xxxxx


----------



## Primmer

Troodles - hoping your meeting goes ok and look forward to hearing about it.

Although we have received quite a few profiles, frustratingly we have only heard back on one of them with a CPR. It seems that there is so much interest in the children that a lot of the time the child's social worker doesn't get back to everyone. All the profiles and CPR's we have seen have been for little blues until today when we have received details about a little pink but we have some questions about her before we can go any further. I think that since approval I have been checking my emails hundreds of times a day to see if sw has sent anything!


----------



## Ruthie82

Troodles – thank you I will take a look Have you come up with some questions? You’ll probably think of some during the conversation. The child’s routine, likes/dislikes, perhaps ask if they could draw up a list of the products they use that’s good to know and use during transitional periods. Look forward to hearing how you get on and thinking of you

Primmer – That is a lot of heavy reading, it sounds like you are making some hard decisions while staying true to yourself. I hope you hear something about the last cpr soon)

Loki – Another chapter complete, it will be a good focus for January We had to sign for ours in the post but I guess there is no reason not to drop it in if someone from the team drives by you? We have had other paper work dropped in this way. It puts you off a little when they do something like that and you are not expecting it.

Ozzycat – So sorry to hear that, I hope they make the right decision for you and your little one to be. When they are ready to join your family it will happen. Big hug 

Teamug – hope your meeting goes well, keeping everything crossed for you.

Tw1nk82 – Glad PAR looks good, now the 2ww (13 days now) hope it goes quickly!

Lorella - How has your week been? During the first few weeks of bringing the little one home could either of you go out for a couple of hours and leave the baby with the other parent? 

We are kind of in limbo at the moment waiting, it feels like the 2ww with ivf all over lol. We have seen and liked a profile just keep reminding myself if they are the one it will work out

Love to all

x x


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## Troodles

Thanks ladies.

Haven't thought of any questions really.  We're only meeting SW so would think when (if) it goes ahead and we meet FC, then all the likes/dislikes/routines/products etc will be discussed.  Hard to know what to ask SW that hasn't already been covered in CPRs.

Anyway, love to all.  Going to leave work shortly to clean my house again!!! lol

XXX


----------



## Lorella

Hi all

So much going on! Lots to catch up on. 

Ruthie - we were so lucky with our talking book. Just found one on shelf in BabiesRUs! They are useless though so totally understand why they've been discontinued. Ours was fine for intros but now it doesn't work! 
I don't think either of us left her for the first two weeks while DH on paternity but at about the 3rd week I think I went and met a friend for an hour after she had gone to bed. Also now I have left her on own with DH when I have gone round my mums. Next Saturday he is having her all afternoon when I go xmas shopping with my mum! Gonna be weird! I think it's good to spend first 2 weeks all together but then depending on how well LO has settled ( or for your sanity) it's ok to get some 'me' time after that. Good luck with the profile. 

Troodles - good luck today. 

Primmer - hope you find the one soon. 

Twink - great news on PAR. 

Teamug - am so sorry hun, I feel for you. Hope new date comes around quickly  

Ozzycat -   Sorry to hear that hun. My MIL went through cancer treatment during our process and was not an issue. I really hope they say you can carry on  

Loki girl - yay to no more SW meetings!

We went to a baby sensory class this morning. It was good. The mums are so young though.... Made me feel not old but def older! Loretta is such a fast crawler she didn't like sitting still for long but we are gonna go again as it will be good for her and for me to get out and about. 

Health visitor visit this week also went well. They come every month for newly adopted children. 

It's exciting getting Lorettas stocking presents and Christmas outfits. Just ordered her a 'my first xmas baby grow' to wear xmas eve night! Magical!

Hope everyone's ok. Can't wait for more mummies to add to the list. Hi to all

Xxx


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## Laws1612

Teamug and ozzycat - I'm so sorry about your news.....it's horrible to get this far and it be snatched away....keep my fingers crossed for both of you......xxx

Troodles.....how did the meeting go?  Would love to know howi it went we have ours Tuesday with view of meeting fc before Christmas.....did you get to ask questions too....

Lorella.....so glad your loving being mummy it sounds so amazing....can't wait for my turn xxxxx

Hope everyone is ok xxxx


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## Troodles

Hi all

Meeting went well. We got 2 photos and saw a video clip which was amazing. We are meeting FC in 2 weeks, then medical advisor the week after. Even have provisional mp date!!!

Felt very exciting talking about them with SWs but still no amazing feelings of wow these are the ones. Definitely doesn't feel like they're not the ones though. But don't know how we're supposed to feel. 

Questions came naturally during the conversation Laws but not many really as there doesn't seem to be any real issues with them. 

Hope you all have a good weekend. I'm off for a spa and show with my friend tomorrow. Bit of girlie time. 

Xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Sounds like it's good to go if you guys are happy!!

If they give out panel date! 

Yikes x

Will pop back later with personals x


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## Tw1nk82

Just put all our christmas stuff up. Is everyone else thinking the same as me hoping next year it will all be so different and doing it all with our lo. Heres hoping xxxx


----------



## teamug

Thanks for all your well wishes

Troodles - wow exciting news 

We had our meeting yesterday, now we are not at panel in December but ironically the date which we were meant to be at panel all the professionals are having a meeting to discuss the future of our little pinks so we should know on 15th if we can still go ahead with the adoption 

Twink - wow you are early with the decs I will leave it another week or so before putting ours up, fingers crossed next year will be very different  

Have a good weekend everyone x


----------



## Arrows

Twinkle, I love that you did it too! I was busy putting up the tree, advent calendar and nativity figures today. 
LO has been home just over 2yrs and now that he's about to turn three he's now at the age to 'help' and enjoy himself. He met Father Christmas today and was thrilled, it really was magical.  

Teamug, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Keeping fingers crossed it's just a minor delay. x


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## becs40

Twink super organised! I'm Hopi g this Christmas will be our year, if it is lo will move in on 15th! 😱 so Christmas will be a tame affair this year with just the Christmas tree up inside and our icicle lights on the front of the porch.
Teamug fingers crossed for you its a horrible time all the waiting and uncertainty isn it. 
Troodles how exciting! Hope the next couple of weeks speed by for you.
Hi to everyone else.
Laws how's the waiting going? Are you managing to keep yourself busy?
Lorella I bet you're very excited planning your first family Christmas now, not long now!


----------



## chadwick13

Meeting sw and fc tomorrow... Terrified!


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## becs40

Good luck Chadwick! Sure it will be fine. We've gyet to meet lo's fc but sw meeting was fine.


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## Primmer

Chadwick - hope your meeting goes well today.

I always thought I was patient but the wait to find our child is already stressing me out. We have seen lots of profiles but nothing happens after that I assume because so many others are interested. Must learn to be more patient!


----------



## Troodles

Just a quickie

Good luck Chadwick, hope all goes well.  We only met SW, meeting FC next week so will be looking for tips!! lol

Lots of love to you all.  Will try and write more later if I get 5 mins

xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Last year we thought it was our last Christmas without a LO to share it with but maybe this will be it!   We are a bit 'bah, humbug', though and only put tree up weekend before Christmas and I'm longing to get it down again day after Boxing Day! x x


----------



## Ozzycat

Sw just called after a week of stressing we can now move to stage 2 but on the understanding that if my dad takes a turn for the worse the process will be put on hold.. talk about making us sweat!!
3rd day of Training this Thursday eeeeekkkk
Im guessing this is one of the many bumps we were warned about! 
Lov to everyone x


----------



## Lorella

Ozzycat - so pleased you can carry on to stage 2 x

Lou's mummy - 7 more sleeps! Exciting. Hope you're feeling ok x


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## Tw1nk82

Chadwick hope your meeting went well today xx

Ozzy good news about moving on to stage 2 xxx

Primmer i think waiting for panel is bad so i dont know what i will be like waiting for our lo xxx

Hi to everyone else xxx

We got a phone call today as we had an indepentant sw do our assesment another sw has to come and varify everything with us. This is good for us though as the sw that is coming is going to be our family finder so at least she can come and get to know us. Still havent been given a time of when panel is next tuesday so hopefully she might know more xxxx


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## Laws1612

Hello all.....think I have missed bits....but been busy sorry gals....
all xmas presnts done and wrapped....weight off my mind.....

Had a meeting today with ours and childerns sw....got matching panel date and rough date for intros....meeting foster carer next Monday.....
meeting was lovely theu didnt ask us any questions really andwhat they did was very brief....then just wanted to confirm we were happy to go ahead....of course....cant wait....was so nice when she referred to our house as the boys home was so great xxx very exciting hehe.....

any news for anyone....im out of touch xxx


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## becs40

Hope meeting went well Chadwick.
Pyjamas   It's rubbish when you've told yourself this will be last xmas alone etc. try and have some lovely things planned for you to look forward to and enjoy and make some more memories before next Christmas!  
Ozzycat good news on stage 2, I hope it goes smoothly for you.
Twink not long now!
Laws how exciting, it must be lovely to have a plan in place! I am really missing that piece at the moment especially being a real organiser. When's mp for you?


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## Lous mummy

Oh lorella I'm not feeling so great, Im starting to really worry now! I've been quite confident and relaxed throughout the whole process but now I'm feeling stressed and anxious. I just can't wait to get panel over and done with!


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## becs40

Lous mummy you'll  be absolutely fine I'm sure. We all felt the same way I'm sure. I'm feeling mightily stressed about next week too and trying to make myself feel better by yoga breathing, walking in some fresh air every day, eating lots of fresh fruit and veg, nice relaxing hot bath every evening and early nights. It's helping enormously.
Just remember how much you've overcome to get to this point and that's why your sw is taking you to panel how. Good luck.


----------



## chadwick13

Sorry no personals - We're linked!
They're hoping for placement in mid February! 
Terrified doesn't cover it.... Fc had some lovely videos of them and we had a wonderful talk about how they're doing at school, etc... Still shell shocked atm... Can't quite believe it!


----------



## becs40

Oh Chadwick huge congrats! How lovely. You can really enjoy your last xmas and focus on your new family arriving shortly afterwards!


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## Tw1nk82

Chadwick fantastic news for you xxx

Becs sounds like a good plan i think i need to do exactly the same to chill. I dont know what i am going to be like waiting for our lo xxx

Lous mummy i know exactly ou feel hopefully next week is going to be a good one for both of us xx

Laws so happy everything is going good for you too xxx

Lorella hope you are going absolutley crazy and buying loads for lo im sure you are for your first xmas xxx

Hi to everyone else xx

I will be doing the frantic clean again tonight for new sw coming xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all

Just got home and Loretta was asleep in her car seat. Carried her in still asleep and now dozing on sofa bless her!

Twink - it's great xmas shopping but we haven't gone toooo crazy. We spent loads on toys for her when she arrived so we have got her a stocking full of presents ( a lot of In the Night Garden' stuff) and her main pressies are a ball pit and play tunnel. Just can not wait for Xmas day. She's also got lots of Xmas outfits incl a gorgeous red dress to wear Xmas day and a xmas sleep suit for xmas eve! I love Xmas! Hope meeting goes well. 

Chadwick - fab fab fab news!!!

Lous mummy - you will be absolutely fine hun. I know you will be feeling nervous but they need you so remember that! 

Laws - glad everything moving forward. Am impressed you are all wrapped up! Nowhere near for me yet. I like to do it in little bits.... Makes the lead up last longer!

Primmer and pyjamas -   Hope you get your link soon 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all doing ok

Xxx


----------



## chadwick13

Thanks for the congratulations everyone. It's been a hell of a journey the last 6 years, but it finally looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing all of you the good luck and great news we've had very soon x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi, sorry for being AWOL and missing everyone's exciting news x x

We have had our first adoption heartbreak and a lesson well learnt.

We fell in love with a little baby blue, hook line and sinker.... and I don't think I will ever forget him.  We would have been dealing with more uncertainty than we wanted but we felt he was worth the risk.

However, through no fault of our own, we can't proceed.  Am so sad about.  We had begun to planned our future as a three and the new year was looking great.  Now I just can't snap out of it.... Know I am gonna have too, but for now, am sad xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Ah forgetmenot how horrible xxx
Sending u massive hugs    
Stay strong,  ur little one is out there xxx


----------



## Troodles

Awww hun. I have no words I'm afraid. Just a great big hug. Thinking of you xxx


----------



## becs40

Massive   Forgetmenot. I know how you feel when we were told our link to little blue could not proceed I was devastated. Fortunately ours had a complete about turn a week later but that week was one of the worst of my life. I truly understand how heartbroken you must feel on top of years of disappointment it feels that you're never meant to get there. You will though and it will make you stronger. Still nothing makes you feel better when your in the midst of it, hang in there. It will get better and your perfect lo is still out there waiting for you to find each other. I'm a great believer in fate and although at the time it doesn't help, you will look back and realise it is the way it is now for a reason. Take care of yourself. x


----------



## Lorella

Forgetmenot - big hugs Hun   Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Forgetmenot.....how terrible....the first is alwaysideas of matching oanel xxcbad....I remeber every child we have enquired about....I dont think you will forget but your little one is out there and will come forward when the time is right...how are you finding the searching? 

Becs you must be fit to burst now....were getting closer.....

troodles whats next for you now?? 

Chadwick....congrats we are at the same srage? Any panel xx


----------



## becs40

It still feels completely surreal talking about finishing work on Wednesday lunchtime, intros starting on Thursday but then thinking it might not happen at all if it doesn't go the right way on Tuesday.

How about you Laws when is your MP? Are you on a countdown yet?

Hi to everyone else.

We are going to put the xmas tree up at the weekend. I normally do it the week before xmas but figure may be a bit busy so will go up early. Just the tree and outside lights this year though to keep it simple and less confusing to lo.


----------



## Laws1612

Wow so amazing...its been a long time waiting for you hasnt it.....matching oanel in jan 14th so excited....nice to have pir last xmas just us and sking holiday inbetween so has worked out prefectly....do just want them tho hehe xxx im realsing how expensive childern are lol....what are we doing hehe xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Where are u skiing, we are off too! 

We should have had lo moving in jan 

Super news xx


----------



## becs40

Oh Laws my birthday! Good omen 😉. We saw lo's profile on 2nd August so it feels like forever ago!

Forget me not I hope you have a lovely time and the break helps.😊


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone sorry for lack of personals. So varification of our PAR went well and she said that there is nothing to worry about at panel. We got a morning panel next week so happy with that. She really thinks that she will be our family finder and that because we are hoping for siblings that we shouldnt have a long wait. I hope she is right xxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Forgetmenot - So sorry to hear your news. I know it doesn't help now but your little one is on its way soon

Tw1nk82 - Glad things went well.

Love to all x x


----------



## becs40

Well we've seen our intros plans today! All seems scarily real now! Looks like we have 1 nasty day out of 5 so not too bad! Going to be over 13 hours with fc's. We get to take lo out for 2-3 of those so trying to think of where to go and what to do.
Also had to get a talking photo album to do to handover on Monday! Nothing like notice! Found the new Lamaze one and had to pay £6 for fast delivery and hope it comes by Monday. Not sure how worthwhile it's going to be either given how young lo is.


----------



## Tw1nk82

This is it now becs it is going to move really quick. Hope it all goes smoothly xx


----------



## becs40

Thanks Twink. Still have Tuesday to get out of the way then hopefully our feet won't touch the ground! It hardly seems 5 minutes since you read my post about deciding on adoption and said it had given you food for thought and now here we both are! You being approved on Tuesday and us hopefully getting the go ahead Tuesday!
Good luck to you. x


----------



## Lorella

Ooh exciting week coming up!

Becs - so excited for you!! It's all happening now. Keeping everything crossed for a smooth start to intros week for you x

Twink - not long now. You will be brill at panel! X

I have an anxious week coming up that will be pleased to get through. Got last pre Xmas SW review, followed by a meet up with FC that I didn't instigate, followed by meeting with BM. All in 3 days. Got to prepare a settling in letter and photo to give to BM this week. I am happy to be meeting BM but obs just bit anxious about it and be good to get done. Also need to think of questions to ask her 😊
Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats becs x

Well after an awful week, we got sent a profile of siblings.  Slightly annoyed as these were on adoption link and gone off line, so I know they are not available....  this is killing me.

I just can't be I am being shown stuff not suitable.... Seems cruel.

So.... Back to square one.  Is anyone on the national register.  If so how does that work?  Think that's the last thing to be one!


----------



## Troodles

Becs and Twink, so exciting.  4 more sleeps!!!  Will have everything crossed for you.
FMN, it’s outrageous that they’re sending you profile of Los that aren’t even available.  What are they thinking?  Big hugs
Laws, wowser going so fast, it’s great.  We’re meeting FC on Wednesday and Medical Advisor the following week.  Our MP is 23 Jan, 2 days after my birthday!  SW said if all goes well she’d like to start intros around 9 Feb but I need to work until end of Feb to be eligible for Adoption Pay so fingers crossed will be beginning of March.  Trying not to get too excited as so scared this will end in tears like all the ttc/tx

Lorella wow that’s a heavy week.  Why have you got to meet FC? As for BM, I think I’d want to ask all the things that I think Loretta would be curious about when she’s older, like favourite colour/film/music/food etc.  Interest/hobbies.  

Sorry if I’ve missed anyone, but love and hugs to you all and hope you all have a lovely weekend.
xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Becs i know i cant believe how things have changed this past year. My panel is on Thursday not Tuesday but wish it was so it was here quicker. Hope Tuesday goes well for you xxx

Lorella sounds like you are going to have a hectic few days. Hope it all goes smoothly for you xxx

Troodles it wont be long for you now. It is all going quick xxxx

Forgetmenot it must be really frustrating for you at the moment. I hope you find lo soon xxxx

Hi to everyone else hope everyone is ok xxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi everyone,

It's been a little while since i've been on so i thought I'd pop in an say hi. Then I saw that there were 15 pages of messages since I last checked in so sorry for the lack of personals! Looks like everyone is really busy and things are moving on for lots of people. Twink - Hope everything goes well for you next week. I hope everyone else is well. x


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies hope you are all well.

Lorella sounds like you got a tough week I guess the only saving grace is that you get it all over and done within a short period of time hope everything goes well.

FGN I do wonder what these SW's are doing any potential match is what we have found we have had nothing from SW I know it's all been a few month but if we can look I am sure she can too.  We are on the national register and so far nothing our agency are part of the pilot scheme but it's still not up and running for people to search on and when I spoke to them a couple of weeks ago they don't have any idea when it will be.  I feel your frustration we are on all sites but even when you make an enquiry you don't hear anything.

Trifles and Laws sounds like thinks are motoring forward.

Becs40 not long now how scary and exciting.

Nothing happening for us we have resigned ourselves to the fact that given the time of year any enquiries etc will not be responded to till new year.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hey moo x I know how you feel.  The little one we were linked with would have moved in mid January.

Work have been vial to me this week, so just thankful it's over.  I think we are signed up to the national register, but not sure if you. Search or anything.

Just fed up with being fobbed off.... If there is no one for us, that is fine.  Just don't want empty promises.

So all that's to do is drink xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi ladies, sorry for lack of personals at the mo. Just soooo busy on the farm, got loads of school kids in visiting farm and our Santa's grotto which has been so lovely. Still praying may be next year we may be taking our kids to it instead but been 5yrs of Xmas praying so prob won't be holding my breath lol. 

Anyways, sorry some of you have been having some tough times, forgetmenot that's just insane. Am going to message you when I get a few mins lol. Ozzycat, so happy you are continuing with stage 2. We have all the same uncertainty with my FIL which is why not holding my breath to being matched anytime soon after hopefully we are approved. Tw1nk, can't believe you are nearly there!!! You will be fine and good luck for Thurs. 

Well we had our last SW visit and she is now writing our report. She said to us it needs to be done by 8th. We get an email yesterday asking for us to drop a photo into the office!!! We were both at work and this weekend we are down in Kent visiting friends. To me it's quite important, want to make it look nice not just hastily take a pic. Could she not have warned us before about when she needed a photo? What did you guys do, use ones you had, take new ones, full length, close up, inside or out? Just wondering what you all did lol. Got to get DH to get his haircut first  

Anyways hello to everyone, hope everyone is on their way to being prepared for Xmas. I'm not just been way to busy and now we have late night Santa nights on a Fri so will be working Friday's from 8.30am through to 9.30pm. Thank God the farm is closed Xmas and Boxing Day hahaha. 

Hope next year all of us are having a very different Xmas and to those who are finally getting it this year I hope you enjoy every lovely second of it. You deserve it


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi everyone! 

I feel sick, nervous, anxious etc!! Panel is tomorrow afternoon! 

I know in my head that it will probably be fine but my heart is already breaking at the what if?! It feels like I've been in this process forever and for something to go wrong now I feel it may devastate me! 

I would like to add though, I don't think I would have got through it all so smoothly if it wasn't for you ladies   and for that I thank you all! Xx


----------



## becs40

Lous mummy you will be absolutely fine! We all felt exactly the same way. I was ridiculously tearful on panel day because it all caught up with me but it was actually not bad at all. Once you're in there it goes really quickly and they want to approve you don't forget!


----------



## Lous mummy

I think my main worry is that I have been so confident about the whole thing from the start, I never had any doubts about wether or not I would be approved, but the last week or two every different 'what if' has crossed my mind and Its made me a nervous wreck! Did you feel like that?


----------



## becs40

Yes definitely all normal. I think until this point it's just a process, this is the point it becomes real and as with anything in life that's the bit that starts to make us think more and be more anxious. I think you have to try to put it all to the back of your head and just try to be positive. It's horrible being the afternoon for you too, ours was 10.00 am although was 11.00am in the end and that was bad enough.


----------



## Lous mummy

Thank you Becs, I will take your advice and try to put it out of my mind, I'm going to take my friends little boy to watch Paddington so that should help I may even put the tree up   xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lous mummy i am feeling exactly the same way. Cant wait for thursday to come but what if they say no argh xxxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Oh Twink, you just can't shake it can you? All of those irrational fears come to light! I've been thinking all kinds, I've lost a lot of weight recently and one of my fears was will they think I haven't been eating haha! Especially since my social worker mentioned it the other day and I wasn't really overweight to begin with, all I've done is cut out snacks and have been eating more healthy foods, I know that makes no sense but it's like my head grasps at ridiculous ideas, almost like I'm searching for reasons for them to turn me down x


----------



## Troodles

Lousmummy huge hugs in. I was exactly the same. So stressed, couldnt eat, couldn't stop crying. Even had slightly cross words with SW the week before coz she just couldn't understand how I was feeling. 

It's really not as bad as I thought it would be. The waiting was the worst bit and I convinced myself we'd got a no. When they called us back in and said yes I burst into tears!!!!  Still can't believe it now. 

Nothing any of us say will make you feel better but just know we are all thinking of you and can't wait to hear your good news!!

You too Twink!!

Hi to everyone xxx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Lou's Mummy! You will be just great xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck tomorrow lou x you will be fine, but none of us can tell you that.

You will knock em dead xx

AFM have had a really hard day.  Tried to finish the shopping today, and got all tearful.  It's so hard, another christmas on our own.  No traditions, wishing it over.  I can't believe how different it was last weekend, thinking, well next year he will be home..... I know things are just around the corner.... Maybe, just doesn't feel like it.  Just don't know how to keep picking myself up. I know I am preaching to the converted here..... Just want to shout and stamp my feet!!

Hope everyone else is doing ok x lots of love x


----------



## becs40

Ah forgetmenot  . You will pick yourself up again because that's what we do, but only when we've had our time for sorrow. Time is the only healer and it will help and I'm sure next Christmas will be the one you've always dreamed of. I know no words help at the moment but we're all here to support each other.


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Good luck tomorrow Lou's Mummy, everything will be fine. Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs x arghhhhhh just done! just being a grumpy moo xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck tomorrow lous xxx
Cant wait to read your big fat yes xx
Hugs forgetmenot x
Lov to everyone else xxx


----------



## Primmer

Lous - good luck for tomorrow, can't wait to hear all about it 

Forgetmenot - sending big hugs your way.


----------



## Lous mummy

Thank you everyone, I'm still wide awake at this silly time! Can't wait for it to be this time tomorrow x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck lous mummy xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck Lou's Mummy. Will be looking out for your update. You'll be fine


----------



## Lous mummy

Just a quick update from me! It was a big fat unanimous yes!   I am so delighted, I don't know wether to burst or have a nap haha!


----------



## pyjamas

Congrats Lous mummy, now for the hard bit!


----------



## Primmer

Lous - huge congrats, great news!


----------



## Lorella

Yay!!!!!! Never a doubt. Congrats Lou's Mummy!! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy

Panel zone

Notgivingup - Dec 20th
Twink - Dec 11th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## becs40

Congrats Lous mummy! See we told you!   hope you're enjoying some celebrating tonight.

We met lo's fc today. She was lovely, it was amazing to hear her talking about him and how he is and I'm now completely desperate to meet him! So just tomorrow to get out of the way, then hopefully it's all systems go. He's not bringing much with him so I have weds afternoon to go and shop for bits.


----------



## teamug

Woop woop Lous Mummy well done  

Becs - wow all systems go how very exciting, can't wait to hear your updates when he is home


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats lou xx

How exciting becs xx

It's all go  xx


----------



## becs40

Not quite yet teamug. Tomorrows court hearing to get out of the way first. Going to be a sleepless night and long day tomorrow!


----------



## Troodles

WOOHOO well done Lousmummy.  Welcome to the club!!  So please for you.

Becs, good luck for tomorrow.  Hope all goes swimmingly.  Will be thinking of you.

Hi to all and lots of love and hugs
xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Fantastic news Lou's Mum!

Becs - exciting time.

X


----------



## tractorgirl

Congratulations, Lou - fab news!

Our SW emailed to say she's booked us in for matching panel in the middle of Feb. We're meeting LO's old and new social worker on Thursday. Very nerve-wracking! It would be good to get some rough dates of when things will happen after panel so I can start planning properly. We feel like we've been in limbo for ages. Only one more bit of Ikea furniture to build and then we can start thinking about the nicer stuff. Those of you with links - aren't you tempted to start shopping? It's a nightmare for me - I'm dying to buy stuff. I relented yesterday and bought some general pens, crayons, paper, sticker books that are quite general, just in case this link goes pear-shaped. I keep seeing toys and clothes but I must be strong - lol! I've no idea how much stuff LO will bring with him so hubby will have to hold me back for now.

I suddenly remembered about the photo album we'll have to prepare. I've got hundreds of photos of hubby but none of me because I'm interested in photography and alway behind the camera (plus I hate having my photo taken). Now I've got the prospect of having to sit for a load of photos of me "doing stuff". Yuk! Perhaps a few glasses of vino will help me relax - hehe

Hope you're all ok and getting ready for Christmas xxxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations  lous mummy you must be over the moon xxxx

Becs hope tomorrow goes well xxxx

Hi to everyone else. Im stressing again. Now about the weather. Our panel is a 2 hour drive away and bad weather is supposed to be coming wednesday and thursday just something else to worry about xxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks everyone.

Tractorgirl I did start manically buying after we were linked. Mind was kind of general - cot, car seat, buggy etc etc all suitable 0-4ish. It's a good job I did as we won't find out until tomorrow if this lo is coming to us and if he is we start intros on Thursday and he moves in next Tuesday so we have a week inc 6 days of intros. He's not coming with much either so it would have been horrendous to try and sort out his room, cot, car seat buggy as well as all the small stuff, toys, clothes, food etc in basically 24 hours!


----------



## Loki Girl

Well done Lou's Mummy - never a doubt!!!

Becs good luck for today. Hope they get their act together and get this little guy into the home he deserves


----------



## becs40

Thanks Loki, I feel physically sick! Feel a million times worse than I did for approval panel. Just hope it's over nice and early.


----------



## Primmer

Becs - thinking of you today, hope the court result is known early today and that it's full steam ahead with your lo x


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Becs. Thinking of you today. Hope all goes well xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck Becs xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck becs, got everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Good luck for today Becs  

Thank you everyone, I'm still on cloud 9 I think x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everything goes well today becs xxx


----------



## Mouseycat

Good luck for today's becs, my LO is asleep upstairs as I type, been home nearly three weeks now, he's full of cold, it was a roller coaster ride that's for sure, but yours has been going on for ages I know, will keep everything crossed for you   x


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news Lousmum and keeping my fingers crossed for you today Becs.

AFM - Just phoned my adoption agency to talk to the team manager, only to find that she has since been transferred to another department. This journey is getting beyond a joke and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Deputy is going to look into what is happening next with me but I think I'm going to move agencies.


----------



## Primmer

Starry - sending big hugs your way you LA has messed you about so much. Hope it can be sorted out for you.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Starry i cant believe how much they have messed you about. It is so fustrating for you xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Big hugs starry xx

I just want to publically jump up and down and scream and shout.... Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Just arghhhhhhhhh xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Lol - u ok forgetmenot? Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

I am just lost for words.... Just so fed up with the lack of any sort of urgency or attention to detail.  I know it is just a job..... But it's my life.  It's been one hell of a ride, and I just want it done now.  I know it takes as long as it takes etc etc...... But just a little consideration, and a little sympathy...... Too much to ask.  Just done x and out x

Sorry just grumpy and a bad day x


----------



## becs40

Amen to that forgetmenot! Nice to know its not just our sw then! Absolutely bottom of her to do list!


----------



## PixieMcG

Hello ladies.

I'm not sure if I'm on the correct board.

DH and I started the adoption process January of this year. We're still awaiting a social worker to be assigned but called them and it's looking like January before we get one.

Looking to talk to some people that are going through similar waits etc.

Cx


----------



## StarryEyed

i wanna jump up and down and scream arrggh! too FMN.    Honestly don't know what to do anymore. Should I stay or should I go? Start again... another 8 months to be messed around? Will there be a new manager? Will I ever get another panel date? Will I be approved? So much uncertainty


----------



## StarryEyed

Welcome Pixie. You are indeed in the right place. Ladies here are lovely. Not all as negative as I am at the moment but reaching the end of my tether with delays. Usually a pretty bright bunch I'd say, with lots of good news amongst the complaining. Feel free to share joys and woes alike! x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Request a meeting starry with manager and see what they say.  What does adoption uk say in this situation?  Can or do they suggest an intermidatory body to support?

It really does seem ludicrous x. I feel your pain and we are out the other end waiting and dealing with incompetencies..... Which I don't think is deliberate or that they are horrible people, it's just their job and they are over stretched.  They said this part would be hard, but honestly I can cope with waiting if people are honest and do stuff when they say.  If I was like that in my job I would be fired!

Morning rant over.  Off to face the music.  Feel rubbish today.  Have to drop dog in day care on way in as she is poorly girl.  Waiting for results (and we know it's not going to be good.  I cannot tell you how devastated I am about my baby girl xx).

Anyway, have a good day.... Moan over lol xx

Lots of love xx

Ps good luck troodles today.... You will be great x can't wait to hear all about it xx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, welcome Pixie, hope you get some answers soon starry. Forget me not, hope you had good news about your fur baby xxx

Well our SW was supposed to come out tomorrow but she emailed today to cancel as the link she had has had court delayed until next week, so she is coming next Fri , she said she has two possible links for us, waiting is killing me!!!! Off to a carol concert in a bit so should enjoy that!! Xxxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Twink - good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you!

Big hugs to FMN, SE and Becs.

Welcome Pixie.

Hello to everyone else, hope your all having a good week.

X


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Twink! Xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Good luck for tomorrow Twink xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks paula, lorella and lous mummy. I am so nervous about tomorrow and i have given myself a bad head now with tension xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww u will be fine Tw1nk. Keeping everything crossed for you tho know u won't need it. Can't wait to read your update tomorrow. 

Forgetmenot - hope your little fur baby is ok. They are such a worry when they are poorly. I couldn't do without my Loki Girl. 

Welcome Pixie

Ooh 2 links sound promising Freedo - keep us updated!!

Hi to everyone else and hope Xmas keeps the waiting at bay for some of you


----------



## becs40

Good luck Twink, you'll be absolutely fine!

Freedo good luck with the links.


----------



## Arrows

Becs you never said how your panel went!!!


----------



## becs40

It wasn't panel arrows it was the final hearing waiting for placement order. Not the best! Case adjourned until next week and now being told it could go either way! 😞


----------



## Arrows

that sucks becs, I really hope they reach a conclusion so you can move forward.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs becs x this is just so emotionL x we need suits of armour x


----------



## PixieMcG

Thank you ladies. I hope to catch up on all your stories soon, sometimes it good to just have a moan with the only people who know how you feel. 

I hope you all haven't had to wait too long. Although every stage does seem to take forever. 

C x


----------



## becs40

Yesterday we really felt like we'd been through the wringer! We'd been building up to yesterday being a conclusion for us and had been expecting to hear by lunchtime. Unfortunately we were very low on everyone's priorities so we didn't actually get the call until gone 7 last night! Two hours after the court had finished. Feel incredibly let down by our social worker that she couldn't imagine what hell it was for us yesterday. Just hope it's not a repeat performance next week.


----------



## Ozzycat

Oh Becs im so sorry,  id had everything crossed for you, please gd next week will have a better outcome xx
Good luck tomorrow twink x
Hugs to everyone else.. This process is so tough, especially after everything we've all been through to reach this point xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs becs x I feel your frustration and pain... And we were only a week in to a link.  I can't imagine what you are going through x social workers do try but think overwhelmed and with all of us on their cases, hard too.  I know I am harsh on mine and in reality I don't know.  All I know, is they don't undertsand our journey to this point and what it means and pay lip service to it..... For us it is very real, our last chance of a family life of what so many take for granted and after so much disappointment we need consistency, honesty and a little consideration.  Take care lovely xx


----------



## becs40

Thanks everyone, I feel much better after a day of my colleagues humour! That and a clearer phone call with lo's sw. I think my biggest disappointment was my sw yesterday, she text to say she was just going into a visit but she'd ring when she finished. So we knew that didn't sound good but gad to torture ourselves for another hour and a half. I just feel she could have said to whoever her visit was with could they give her 10 minutes to call us.i know if it had been us she was visiting I wouldn't have cared one iota of she was going to be 10 mins late. It's been a very long 4 months and a huge roller coaster of emotions but we're so close now I just hope to god it's the right outcome next week.


----------



## StarryEyed

So slightly more positive news...I rang around today to see about changing agencies and waiting for a call back tomorrow from one and the other is trying to get me a meeting with a social worker over the Christmas holidays.


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Twink. Can't wait to hear your good news!!

Big hugs to FMN, Becs and Starry and huge welcome to Pixie. 

Hi to the rest of the gang. Hope you're all ok. 

So, we met the FC of the 2 blues at her house today. So weird thinking they live there. All their stuff was there but not them!  FC was lovely and all seemed very positive so might let myself get a little excited. We have MP on 23rd Jan and all being well intros starting beginning of March. Thank gawd for the January sales. Have to get everything x 2!!!

Is this really happening?

Take care all xxx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All

Sorry to just dip in and out on here, im rubbish at keeping up! becs40 I could really relate to you re the waiting for that call   We have been on the foster to adopt path for the last month and it's been one hell of a rollercoaster!! Obviously with this path everything hangs in the balance of court decisions and family finder choices. We have been put on standby for a few babys and the waiting and not knowing is a killer. Things finally seem to be going our way we have a foster to adopt placement starting imminently with a baby blue who has minimal uncertainty with regard PO.  Everything seems set to happen but I am scared to death to get excited as I still feel things could change! Like others have said I also feel we don't always get treated as we should or our feelings taken into consideration!


----------



## becs40

Starry I really hope you get some swift movement with another agency.

Troodles it's lovely hearing all about them from fc isn't it, we were the same on Monday sat looking at his empty pram and jumperoo!

Watakerfuffle same here we were to,d this was an open and shut case and were expecting to have lo placed once we were approved 3 1/2 months ago. Then it was shall we wait until then, then this, then it looks like it's not clear cut so too risky will wait for final hearing and we were supposed to be meeting lo this am now all wait again until next week. It has been absolute torture. I hope your journey is a lot smoother, good luck!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Well today is the day. Feel so so nervous. Hopefully i will be on later with good news xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck twink x


----------



## Laws1612

Twink you wil be fine.....thinking of you.....

troodles......how exciting two blues are yours.....we have meeting with foster carers on Monday dontsuppose you could fill me in as wat to except....

Becs....what agony at the moment I hope you know soon you deserve it all the waiting you have done for this speical lo....

forgetmenot...how are things 

Starry thank godness....what a terrible time you have had....postive for the new year then....

lorella.....how is your gorjus lo?? 

Loki girl.....how are things going xxxx

hi everyone I hope things are all coming along....cant wait to catch up on all the progression xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

We are approved xxx


----------



## becs40

Well that's very understated Twink! Congratulations!!!


----------



## becs40

Thanks Laws. Our meeting with fc was on Monday and we were there for about an hour and it was very relaxed, just a chat about lo and an opportunity to ask questions. I guess ours was slightly different in we also had to find out what lo was bringing with and what we needed to get.


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Tw1nk      don't get too excited     Congratulations


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks ladies i think i was in a state off shock before. Im so so happy it hasnt sunken in yet   xxx


----------



## Primmer

Twink - congrats - great news


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats x still waiting for it to sink in x hope you get some news soon xx


----------



## Lorella

Whoop whoop! Great news Twink! Xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink

Panel zone

Notgivingup - Dec 20th
Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Tw1nk82

Wow thank you lorella im so happy to be on the mummy to be list. Just need tohope and pray that a few more of us join you on the mummy list real soon. Hugs to all xxxx


----------



## teamug

Yay congratulations Twink  x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Fantastic Twink!!!! X


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news Tw1nk!!! Really really happy for you. Just brought a bigger smile to my face today. Loving seeing that mummy2be list growing again, especially now I have renewed hope that I might actually make it there at some point.

Had a really positive phone call from Barnardos today and just waiting to hear back from their Head of Service. Add that to the positive call from PACT and I feel like I have options again if I do choose to leave my LA. Feel like I can go into whatever meeting is arranged whenever it finally is arranged forearmed with an idea of where I might be heading.


----------



## PixieMcG

Tw1nk82 said:


> We are approved xxx
> 
> Congrats tw1nk82


----------



## Forgetmenot

I feel like such a drama queen these days,s but have just been out with some friends... One of my referees.... And walked into a congrats you are approved.  It floored me. Only three referees know.... And you guys.... So how.....

I was so upset I brushed it under the carpet, but I am gutted.  I have worked so hard to keep it private to keep expectation to a minimum and to allow me to have some sort of joy in sharing my news when I am ready and once again, someone has taken it away from me.

I am gutted.  Ip who can you trust.l. Clearly no one.  I asked friend best mate and she said it's not her, so do I believe her.... Oh god this is so hard.  Have this sick sinking feel.  Only because for work it needs to remain quiet and now it's out there in the public domain.

So so so upset x have sent messages saying sorry, wasn't aware etc..... Prob cause arguments now!!


----------



## Arrows

oh Forgetmenot, I'm so sorry.  Huge hugs. Someone has obviously let it slip and regardless of whether it was intentional or not, it wasn't their news to tell. I know it especially hurts right now with your recent disappointment. 
I'm hoping and praying that a family finder (FF) contacts your SW in the next few weeks to tell you of a special LO who is perfect for your family. Lots of love xxx


----------



## becs40

Fmn that's really rubbish! I hope as Arrows says you get some good news for you to concentrate on soon instead.


----------



## Forgetmenot

I just feel constantly let down by people..  I can't believe I have turned into this whingy person these days.... Adoption will be the death of me!!

Up early planning a lesson for my observation today.... Just can't be bothered with it x

Sorry for moaning.... AGAIN xx


----------



## Lorella

FMN - hugs Hun. That's rubbish   X

Starry - great news! I am really pleased things looking up and more positive x

Troodles - it's all go for you! So exciting. Enjoy all the shopping! I loved that bit! X

Hi to all xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Have had an email from SW. SW and her boss are coming round next week for a formal review as we have been approved for so long and still waiting. Its 17 months now! SW says she is still hopefully that LO will get PO in January as BMs reassessment does not appear to be going very well. xxx


----------



## PixieMcG

Hi ladies 

I had a read through some of the recent posts it seems that some of you have had such tough journeys. I know myself that this won't be straight forward, my DH and I are expecting and trying to mentally prepare for a long difficult process. You can read the information they give you about what is supposed to happen but how do we prepare for what actually in reality might happen.

We applied in Glasgow January 2014 and were only just being assigned a social worker next month. What happens next? 

Cx


----------



## becs40

Hi Pixie,
Wow that is slow! We applied in March this year and were approved 1st September so I feel your frustrations! Have they even done stage 1 with you yet? If not stage 1 is the checks and references and this is the quick bit to be honest! You will have lots of homework to do such as family tree, support network etc whilst they do the dbs checks, local authority checks and references. Stage 2 is the actual assessment bit where they'll meet with you at home and discuss pretty much everything in your life from birth until now! Then it's approval panel!


----------



## becs40

Hi Pixie,
Wow that is slow! We applied in March this year and were approved 1st September so I feel your frustrations! Have they even done stage 1 with you yet? If not stage 1 is the checks and references and this is the quick bit to be honest! You will have lots of homework to do such as family tree, support network etc whilst they do the dbs checks, local authority checks and references. Stage 2 is the actual assessment bit where they'll meet with you at home and discuss pretty much everything in your life from birth until now! Then it's approval panel!


----------



## oliver222

PixieMcG said:


> Hi ladies
> 
> I had a read through some of the recent posts it seems that some of you have had such tough journeys. I know myself that this won't be straight forward, my DH and I are expecting and trying to mentally prepare for a long difficult process. You can read the information they give you about what is supposed to happen but how do we prepare for what actually in reality might happen.
> 
> We applied in Glasgow January 2014 and were only just being assigned a social worker next month. What happens next?
> 
> Cx


Hi 
I went through Glasgow, we also had a long wait for social worker to be allocated. 
Info evening Jan 2012
Prep Group April 2012
Sw allocated Dec 2012
Homestudy started Jan 2013
Panel Sept 2013
Then had a long wait for a match.
Little one came home 1st December 2014 (and she is perfect)
So we were nearly 3 years from start to finish.

Is other people I know in Glasgow who have been much quicker. Sw allocated within few months and matched quickly. I suppose it just depends on sw availability and then suitable children to your profile. If you need to ask anything send me a pm.


----------



## Treaco

Pixie we were also Glasgow and our whole process took about the same length of time as Olivers due to lack of social workers.  We were approved in June and have 1 match that we turned down and have just been asked about another but it's possible due to her rare medical condition we will turn that down as well as we have a BS we have to take in to consideration with matches. There is kids out there but our sw said the other day that courts are making strange decisions now making placements harder.xx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all

Busy and emotional week for me. Have met BM. Had another meet up with FC and had last SW review before Christmas. So pleased this week is over! All went well though so that's good. 

It was very surreal meeting BM. Very pleased to of done it. Got some more information for Loretta and a photo of us all together. Feel better having met her 😊. 

All great here and we are looking forward to Xmas now. Last night I wrapped up all my DHs pressies. Stocking presents from Santa, a big present from me and lots of presents for daddy from Loretta. Was amazing to write the labels. Finally getting Xmas I've dreampt of. 

Really keeping fingers crossed that our mummy's list starts growing and that next year we can all share our Xmas stories. Big love to all

Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lorella im glad your meeting went well and it is lovely to hear about your christmas preparations. Hoping that we all can do the same next christmas. Hugs to all xxx


----------



## becs40

I'm sure you feel a huge relief at this week being over and can now enjoy your countdown to Christmas!
Bm meetings is always something I would have liked to have done if we could but if it goes through with this lo it won't happen as she lives too close so too much risk.
I just wish Monday were out the way and we could get on with our lives, it's like reliving the whole 2 week wait over again only worse because you're talking about an actual baby whose pictures you've seen and heard all about.


----------



## Tw1nk82

It must be so hard for you becs. I hope you get good news soon xxx


----------



## Lorella

I've heard a few of these situations going on recently Becs and really feel for you. Hope this weekend goes quickly and you get a conclusion on Monday   X


----------



## becs40

We've been told we will definitely get conclusion one way or the other as it was just because they ran out of time this week! So expected only to be 1/2 hour on Monday summing up and giving the decision.
Dh was out on his works xmas do last night so I had an evening alone last night and it was surreal thinking that in a weeks time, (this coming Friday now ) he could be asleep upstairs in his cot!


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello Ladies,

Sorry I haven't posted for a while I felt it was best I took some time out,out of sight our of mind with regard to waiting and wondering! I have missed hearing how you are all doing, I have had a read to catch up a little

Twink - Congratulations

Lorella - That sounds like a draining week! Enjoy the build up to Christmas now

Becs- Sounds painful and draining the past week I hope you get some news asap!! 

We are going to matching panel in January! Our little man should be home with us February!!! It really hasn't sunk in. It is going to feel strange informing work of my notice to adopt leave! 

Did anyone tell many people at this stage? Waiting until after matching panel seems too late when intros and moving in are straight after.

Love to all x x


----------



## becs40

Lol Ruthie everyone knows of ours as the plan has changed so often! Trust me it was an even weirder experience leaving work yesterday not knowing if I'll be going back!

It's great you have your panel to look forward to and gives you something to focus on. How old is lo?


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats Ruthie x we were going to wait til matching panel and probably will again.

I am one from worrying and things going wrong.... And clearly nothing stays quiet anyways!!

You have to do what's right for you both.  I feel I need to reign in people's excitement and expectation.... And allow us some time.  You will know what's right for you.

Fab news though xx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi Ruthie...thats the same as us we have matching in jam and intros first week of feb for two little blues.....so glad there is a few of us that no each other.....its so fab...

we were told after sw visit we could tell everyone....think you would give people a heart attack giving them all a week or two notice haha...

off to meet foster carer on monday!

How old is your lo....what stage sre you at?? Xx


----------



## PixieMcG

becs40 said:


> Hi Pixie,
> Wow that is slow! We applied in March this year and were approved 1st September so I feel your frustrations! Have they even done stage 1 with you yet? If not stage 1 is the checks and references and this is the quick bit to be honest! You will have lots of homework to do such as family tree, support network etc whilst they do the dbs checks, local authority checks and references. Stage 2 is the actual assessment bit where they'll meet with you at home and discuss pretty much everything in your life from birth until now! Then it's approval panel!


We had the information evening in March, prep groups in July a home interview in September. I called them last week and they said January for a case worker.

It's really slow I wasn't sure if that was normal for everyone. So is that what they do stage 1, background checks and financials?


----------



## PixieMcG

[/quote]

Hi 
I went through Glasgow, we also had a long wait for social worker to be allocated. 
Info evening Jan 2012
Prep Group April 2012
Sw allocated Dec 2012
Homestudy started Jan 2013
Panel Sept 2013
Then had a long wait for a match.
Little one came home 1st December 2014 (and she is perfect)
So we were nearly 3 years from start to finish.

Is other people I know in Glasgow who have been much quicker. Sw allocated within few months and matched quickly. I suppose it just depends on sw availability and then suitable children to your profile. If you need to ask anything send me a pm. 
[/quote]

Wow that is long I thought once you get allocated a social worker things started to move a bit more quickly x


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Wow been busy the last few days and have a million posts from you all to catch up on. Will try my best....

Congrats Twink. Great news hun.

Becs, everything crossed for Monday.  Really hope this is it for you. 

Huge hugs forgetmenot. Hope you're feeling a bit better. 

Laws good luck for Monday too. I'll pm you details of our FC visit. 

Lorella, glad your stressful week is over and BM visit was okay. Must be so exciting getting ready for Christmas. Hope we're all doing it next year!  When did you start buying? I'm a bit too scared. Matching panel is 23 Jan so need to start really. Bought 2 little Gap hoodies today but can't bring ourselves to get anything else. 

Ruthie we've told our family and friends but said its not definite although we really hope it is!!

Pixie hope things start moving for you. 

Really sorry if I've left anyone out. Hope you're all having a good weekend. 

Big hugs xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Troodles, I would honestly wait and see what FC sends. Pixie has only just grown out of what FC sent. X


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - we went and did a big big shop the weekend between MP and intros starting. Bought a load of clothes, toys, medical supplies etc. Was great fun! We felt we had to wait until after MP though as didn't want to tempt fate and all that!

Make sure you know the boys sizes. Loretta is tiny. We bought everything a size down from what she should be and she's still in most of it now! 

You will need to order any car seats and strollers though pretty soon I would of thought. We had to wait 6 weeks for our stroller. 

Most of the other stuff you can buy last minute though. 

Have fun! Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Last minute is great if you can afford to buy all those things for two......i know i cant hehe.....seeing foster carer and social worker tomorrow so going to ask if its ok to start buying things after meeting.....( think that is understanding considering the situation and with christmas just around the corner!!!
Wish me luck....so excited to find out more about my little lads hehe xxxxx

Hope all is well....

Becs.....let us know when you do!!!!! Thinking of you xxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Becs- I bet it was! Hope all goes well tomorrow

Forgetmenot - I know what you mean, I want to want until we know but I don't think we'll truly know until he is home with us if that makes sense! My boss is also my mil and I have to give my notice of leave by this Friday so family will know through her I would have thought.

Laws - We are meeting fc on Tues Hope you enjoy it tomorrow will you ask about lo's routine etc?

Troodles- yes that is probably the best way to say but ay it isn't 100%

Lorella - thank you for the tips.

Love to everyone else x


----------



## Tw1nk82

All this talk of buying things for lo is all very exciting. I cant wait until we can do the same xxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks Laws. Have been busy washing all day to keep busy but also needs to be done if it does go ok.
Hope meeting goes well for you tomorrow, it's lovely hearing fc really bringing them to life.
On the subject of clothes too, our lo is the opposite of Loretta so he's apparently already outgrown car seat and is in 9-12 months clothing despite being not quite 6 months! 😱
A very hectic shopping afternoon tomorrow if all goes through to get everything we need. Terrified it won't at the moment but must try to stay positive.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everything goes well tomorrow for you becs and that you are running around tomorrow buying everything you need xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Good Luck becs.  We (well really probably only me) cant wait to be able to go shopping! My poor husband will have to come too in case I go crazy!


----------



## becs40

Well finally p/o was granted so intros start tomorrow and our baby blue moves in on Friday or Saturday. Still in shock and been a whirlwind now it's finally happened. More washing on now and a last meal out tonight with our final shopping!


----------



## pyjamas

Good news becs. Will probably take a while for it to sink in after all the setbacks you have had!


----------



## Troodles

OMG Becs that's great news. Finally!!!!!!!!
So pleased for you. 
Look
Forward to hearing your updates xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Super news, Becs. Those chunky little blues are the best! X


----------



## becs40

Oh BG he certainly us chunky! Over 20lbs and 9-12 month clothing already!
Thanks girls I know you've all been following the ups and downs with me. I've already got my perfect xmas, even if it means no sleep, covered in vomit and other lovely bodily fluids and cheese on toast for xmas lunch there will not be a happier mummy anywhere.


----------



## Primmer

Becs - that is great news! So pleased for you! X


----------



## Arrows

Great news Becs! Congratulations!!!


----------



## Norma12

Excellent news becs xxxxx


----------



## Lorella

Becs - I am so thrilled for you! You have been through such a lot to get to this point. I bet you can't quite believe it. 
Enjoy your last meal out for a while and the shopping and good luck with intros. It will be amazing when you meet your little blue. 
Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Becs fantastic news so happy for you. Enjoy your last meal and shopping trips. What a fantastic christmas you are going to have and all the ups and downs will be worth it im sure xxxx


----------



## Ozzycat

AMAZING news becs, soooo pleased for you, santa has bought u the best gift xxx. . Lets hope by the end of 2015 that mummy list has all our names on it   
Xxxxx


----------



## pringle

Congratulations Becs  

Pringle x


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Becs


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Becs. What absolutely amazing news. I am so thrilled for you it's finally over and your little boy will be home for Xmas. Glad the judge finally saw sense!!

Well we got our PAR today. Totally surreal reading all about our lives and reading what our SW's views were. I had nothing to worry about as it was all lovely and positive. I would give us a kid tomorrow     There are no concerns apart from a couple of factual things wrong like the year we got married lol but otherwise I am so happy and totally stoked and maybe starting to believe just a tiny little bit that maybe maybe our luck is beginning to change. 

Anyways sorry no personals but hope this weeks panels go ok as I am sure they will and hope everyone'a week is off to a good start.


----------



## PixieMcG

Wow becs that is great news. You must feel amazing.


----------



## Mouseycat

Becs - sooo pleased for you, been keeping an eye out for your news!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Lovely news becs x
Loki, lovely to hear you sound so postive, so pleased for you.... Finally on your way xx


----------



## Freedo

Congrats Becs xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Loki im glad you like your PAR. We felt the same. It is nice to read what people think of you xxx

Tigerfeet just looked on first page and it says you have panel tomorrow. Good luck xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks so much everyone. I know I've made you all "suffer" our journey with us. Lorella you're right it still hasn't sunk in. Unpacked the bottle steriliser etc tonight. Doing final load of washing tonight of some grobags, bodysuits and towels. I washed all my nappies at the weekend as they recommend pre washing them 8 times before use to get them to maximum absorbency. So they're all ready to go stashed away, I was going to stick with the disposables to start with but think I might not move on if I do that. So we'll see on that one how it goes the next few days.
Loki so pleased to hear Par is good. If it's any consolation until 11.15 this morning I was still utterly convinced that we would be the exception and that we would be the ones who's luck didn't change. That all these setbacks were just more along the way to the ultimate end that it wouldn't happen for us, that the "plan" for us if you like was to remain childless. But it does happen and it will for you too!


----------



## StarryEyed

Great news becs and Loki. The ups and downs all seem worth it now I guess! Sounds like it will be a magical Christmas even with all the hard bits x


----------



## Lous mummy

That's fabulous news Becs! Congratulations xx

It's been a whole week since my panel and I'm already feeling rather deflated! Is this normal? I'm so eager to start searching but I feel like everything is at a stand still!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Becs, am a cloth bum girl but I made life easier for myself by transitioning to cloth nappies gradually. They are fine once you are in the flow but disposables are easier for the first few weeks. Do be kind to yourself! We introduced one change per day for Pixie, whether a new toy, new top or new food. Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Becs amazing news im so so happy for you....youve done it.....cant wait to hear all about it....please keep us updated xxxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks BG, that's useful. We were trying to stick to as few a changes as possible (things that is not nappies! 😱) but he seems to be coming with such a tiny amount of stuff that quite a lot is going to be new. Hoping he will have enough clothing for a couple of weeks but don't think he's bringing many toys or bedding etc as fc has bought most of that themselves to keep for other foster children.
He's only just started weaning so the food thing is a given at the mo anyway. So nervous now!


----------



## becs40

Just looked at our timings again, today is 41 weeks and 2 days since we started stage 1! That's quite amazing that it's identical to an average pregnancy! Only difference is our "newborn" is a hefty 20+lbs!


----------



## PixieMcG

Wow becs is that 41 weeks from being assigned a SW through approval matching and placement? 

We had out initial interview months ago and only just got a call to say they were coming out to do another interview. When I explained we had that already she said there must have been a mix up with our file and they would try and assign us in jan.


----------



## becs40

Yes pixie from our stage 1 acceptance letter to today. We're doing foster to adopt in a kind of fashion! We're fostering until we go to matching panel next year.
Today was the most amazing day ever! We are incredibly lucky!


----------



## PixieMcG

That's is fantastic news becs. 

I hope ours is as quick at that.


----------



## Flash123

Pixie, I know we started back in 2012 but we were also  incredible quick.  We piloted the new system and we were so, so lucky.
Initial inquiry and visit -aug
Hs started - oct (should have been sept but it was delayed for my mum's breast cancer surgery)
AP Panel -  feb
MP - may (delayed from march due to med/legal issues)
In ours arms end of may 

So with several delays we were still only 9 months.
Keep the faith because it can happen - just be prepared and, in ss world, expect it not to!


----------



## PixieMcG

wow thank you this is really positive.

How long once your allocated an SW does it take for the assessment period for approval panel?

I know it can depend on circumstances but i guess roughly.


----------



## pyjamas

Formal review later today with SW and her boss, (because we have been approved since July 2013 and not yet matched!) Don't know what can be said though as our criteria is not limiting and we have only seen a few profiles, and two of these were prior to PO and neither got PO granted. Have also enquired about loads on Adoption Link with no success


----------



## Loki Girl

Pyjamas really hope something comes from your meeting today. That just seems an obscene amount of time to be waiting. Really hope you as well as the rest of us get our dreams in 2015. 

Pixie - We put in our initial application at the end of April, the followings week we had a visit from a SW just to talk to us about it but she made the decision there and then we could proceed. Because we had just missed the stage one course as here they run every 2mths we then did nothing until our 1st day of stage one prep course which was end of June. After the 3rd day of prep in beginning of July we had our SW assigned. We got our medicals done but didn't have our first meeting with SW till beginning of Sept. We then had weekly meetings for 10 weeks. We waited a long time for our DBS checks to come back but luckily they did in time for the stage 2 prep course at end of Oct. We have just received our PAR and will be going to panel first week of Jan. So from the visit with our proper SW it was only 4mths for us and that was with extra sessions for various things that she flagged up as well. Guess we have managed to keep to the 4mths they recommended for stage 2. Good luck and hope things now start moving quicker for you!!!

Becs - how is the plannig come along - are u nearly ready for your little man?

Our SW came today to get us to sign our PAR. Had to make a few factual changes but she had fixed it all. She chatted to us about panel and said we should get a letter in next few days with all details. Even tho our PAR was lovely I still think something will prob go wrong. SW was lovely she said we have nothing to worry about and after her manager had read it and seen our photo she said we looked and sounded lovely. It's really nice to hear but once again the horror that was IVF rears its head - how many times were we told everything is perfect, you will be pregnant, there's no reason you can't get pregnant, everything is looking perfect, you have perfect embryos blah blah blah. Guess we all have that reserve with our histories it's just so unfair. 

Anyways fingers crossed in 3 weeks I will finally be a Mummy to be!!!!

Hope everyone having a good week


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone. We still havent had our official phone call yet off the decision maker. We were told that they would ring within two days of them recieving the minutes and we were at panel a week ago tomorrow. Why do they not think that we wouldnt be stressing about this   also we havent heard anything from our family finder yet either. It seems you build yourself up for panel then after that it all goes quite. Sorry for the rant xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Congratulations becs! That's great news! 

Twink- hope you get confirmation soon.

Please can I be added to the mummy to be list - we got unanimous approval today.  It's was so quick and they didn't have any questions for us. Time to celebrate now and start the search in January!


----------



## Lorella

Woo hoo! Congrats buddy! Soooo pleased for you!

Becs - when can we add you to the mummy list?? xxx

Mummy
Lorella

Mummy to be
Laws
Becs
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink
Not giving up

Panel zone

Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## becs40

Congrats notgivingup on approval, fab news!

We're halfway through introductions now with move in day possibly Friday if not Saturday morning. Shattered as we've done 8hour day yesterday and 11 hour day today. He comes to us tomorrow.


----------



## PixieMcG

Thank you Loki

I think our process is a bit different not sure though.  We applied in Jan, went through info evening and prep plus initial interview and only after all of that are we allowed to formally start the process. Looks like a SW will be out on the 5th Jan, no letters no explanation so fingers crossed that's the start for us. 

Becs it must feel strange for you but exciting aswell x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats Becs and not giving up x so lovely to see x

Two more days.......


----------



## Loki Girl

Fab news Becs. Won't be long before he is home for good. Glad it's all going well. 

Yay - notgivingup - congratulations!!!! Hope your wait is not too long


----------



## Troodles

Congrats Notgivingup!!! Xxx

Ooh Becs it's so exciting!! Xx

Hi to all xxx

We have blues medical advisor tomorrow. Mp has been put back a month (at our request) as we won't be entitled to any adoption pay if we're matched before end of Feb. Gutted as Sw initially said intros could start beginning of February. oh well I suppose it's only 4 weeks and the money will be useful. 

Big hugs xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats notgivingup! a unanimous approval with no questions - sounds like the holy grail to me!!!

Well had what was supposed to be my final counselling session today, spent the whole hour drawing my life story (sort of took 3 sides of A3 paper...) so now I have to do a seventh so we can actually talk about it. 

But to put the icing on the cake my SW did actually get in contact with my counsellor today with the outcome of she wants me to continue with more sessions (I'm not sure on what basis seeing as she hasn't spoken to me properly since before I started).  The problem with this is that the Local Authority I'm with will be paying for them, which again traps me in with them. I didn't know whether to scream or cry after, so I hit the gym and feel much better now. 

I just feel like its more delay tactics and for me I'm not getting much out of the counselling. My only thoughts are that they want to make sure they have explored every little possible detail which with a childhood like mine it could take an eternity to just tell the story. They seriously want to cover their backs.  It's just frustrating because they want to hear it but I don't need to tell because I've done it so many times before! I've told them once but it seems unless I go through it all again with a counsellor nothing I say can be trusted...

Frustrating day, but look forward to hearing what they have to say if they even bother to contact me...


----------



## Primmer

Notgivingup - huge congrats on approval, hope you don't have too long a wait to find your lo.

Becs - how exciting! 

Starry - so sorry that you seem to be facing further delays. Really hope your sw can give you some answers on how many more sessions they want you to have - sending hugs your way as it must be so frustrating!


----------



## GERTIE179

Hey Starry,

Nig hugs. I've followed this thread since your panel delay and I just wanted to say you come across as a very level and mature person and I am sure the LA are just covering tracks and making things more straight-forward for you in linking.

One thing i found extremely difficult pre-placement was how different adoptive parenting is. I got all the theory and the therapeutic style and we do this (mostly), but i hadn't actually prepared for is the triggers.  We all have them relating to our own early experiences and small nuances in experiences and things our family did can really trigger a strong emotion in you when your child presses that button. I'm not sure if you are in touch with any adoptive parents of school age kids etc but my one thought was could you ask to speak to your SW for "advice".  Say your thankful for the sessions as it will give greater comfort for next panel blah blah, but you've been thinking more and maybe a few meetings with an experienced Foster Carer may help you look at how they deal with their own feelings when the kids are being oppositional or other difficult behaviours?  An experienced FC would have seen a lot but i found it very interesting talking about how they handled things and were very serene through a lot.

Sorry if this seems like another "hurdle", I am trying things from a SW/Panel viewpoint and thinking of another area you can be proactive in.

Good luck and I cant see how they could possibly turn you down after this.
x x x


----------



## pyjamas

Review meeting yesterday was reassuring that they have not forgotten about us! SW was very positive and said we have been unlucky so far but are doing everything we should be doing. Found out that court hearing for PO for possible LO is not until 17th Feb. We were hoping it would be Jan. SW feels that this time PO will be granted and we will be able to proceed. So we have everything crossed!  
So exciting for you becs, at last


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all......congrats notgivingup that's great news.....

Becs.....how's it going? 


Primer......any news for you yet? 

Forgetmenot.....you have been quiet any news or updates for you yet? 

Troodles how did it go today? 

We have had meeting with foster carer and all has gone well was great to hear the boys being brought to Life by the lady looking after them so lovely to be referred to as mummy and daddy and there forever home......so excited.....been told we can start buying now and matching panel is 14th jan all paperwork sent back and ready just a case of waiting now but with christmas and a holiday at end of jan feb is getting closer and closer.....
Hope your all well..... Xxxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Becs - Congratulations. I bet it still feels unreal on the one hand but the 8-11 hour days probably help make it seem real! Not long until you can bring him home.

Lous - That is totally normal I think, we felt very up and down emotion wise during first few weeks of post panel approval.

We have had the medical and meet with fc, lovely seeing photos and videos of our blue. MP is in January. Had to give my notice in today at work as off for holidays and January will be too late eek. Excited yet can't quite believe it. 

Love to all x x


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey ladies. ..
Notgivingup massive congrats, I hope u get matched quickly x
Ruthie and Laws ur news is so exciting and I know its keeping me positive, I hope it all goes smoothly x
Becs how the introductions going?  Not long tl ur little one is home xxx

AFM well weve been assigned a SW and our first home visit is friday 7th jan.. work have been great, I work shifts and theyve let me changes my work days, which makes it all a bit less stressful. .
Were off on what will hopefully be our last couples holiday. .. after everything weve been thro weve booked a blowout holiday to burma for xmas and New year. . Leaving tomorrow yeahy 

Hugs and kisses and xmas wishes to everyone else. . May 2015 be a great year for us all and we compete that mummy list xxxxx


----------



## becs40

Hi everyone, apologies for lack of personals as just so much going on its hard keeping up.
Ozzy enjoy your holiday.pyjamas stick with it, we waited 4 months for lo's placement order and he is absolutely perfect. Even his foster daddy said "he's definitely your boy!" So many have said he looks like dh it was just meant to be. 
Today has been utterly amazing, the difference in his I feel tonight to last night. I was completely exhausted last night, very hard. Today we've been at home by ourselves for the day and we feel so much better. Had an amazing day topped off by the news that lo is moving in tomorrow! Intros have gone so well and fc has done an amazing job with him that he's been totally relaxed with me and when we took him back tonight he was looking for me rather than fc. Looking forward to a nice weekend at home relaxing.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Fantastic news becs. You are going to have the best christmas ever xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Becs thats amazing news congratulations. Im so happy for you.

ruthie.. its amazing handing the notice in tp have a chunk of time off isnt it hehe....did medicals go ok? Xx when's a rough intros date for you?? Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Congratulations Becs! So glad intros have gone well and your little man is moving in today. Enjoy every minute, it's such a special time. So so pleased for you xxx

Mummy
Lorella
Becs

Mummy to be
Laws
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink
Not giving up

Panel zone

Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
Loki Girl - Jan 6th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - hope meeting medical advisor went ok. I'm getting excited for you and your two blues!

Starry - so sorry to hear about more delays. You are so strong and determined and I admire your strength. I also have no doubt that at the end of this you will a mummy so hang on in there my lovely    

Pyjamas - that sounds positive. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

Laws - enjoy all the buying! Getting excited for you too and your boys!

Ruthie - it's great handing in your notice isn't it! Another blue for our group!

Ozzycat - enjoy your holiday. Sounds amazing. Good luck with the start of your visits in Jan. 

AFM - Loretta cut her first tooth for us!! Amazing! 

Love and hugs to all xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

becs hope everything is going well and cant wait to hear about everything xxx

Lorella first tooth amazing. There are a lot more firsts to come I'm sure xx

Exciting that a lot of little blues will be going to their forever families soon xx

Good luck to everyone at all stages xx

We had the phone call today to say we are officially approved by the decision maker. I know they said that the recommendation really changes but i thought we would be one of these. There is talk of activity days and that our profiles have been sent to these and that also our profile has been sent to our local authority. Our sw is now on leave until the 6th so now i know i can relax and enjoy Christmas and hopefully get fully started in the new year xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi everyone and thanks for all the messages of support. I'm feeling a little more positive now and one of the voluntary agencies also got back to me which was good to hear (just for looking at all my options).

Gertie - Thanks for all your advice. I did actually ask my SW to put me in touch with other people, however this was declined not long after panel. In the end I've met up with a fantastic group of single adopters and prospective adopters with children across the age range through the forums and since then in person, which has been fantastic for learning about people's journeys and how they have coped throughout and the challenges they still face. Also back in October I went to a fantastic conference organised by an organisation for adoptive parents run by an adoptive parent all about trauma which was also fantastic - especially as I got to meet face to face lots of the people I actually converse with online! I'm being as proactive as I can possibly be which is the most frustrating part when it feels like my LA are doing very little except delaying. Either way it's more learning and I'll hopefully be an even stronger adoptive parent for it!

Not expecting to hear anything from my SW now until after Christmas so I'm just going to try to take it easy, do some clearing out and prepping for a new year and then just relax and enjoy myself. 

I hope everyone else is going to enjoy their Christmas regardless of where they are at this stage. Hopefully the new year will bring good things for us all!

Last but by no means least congrats to becs and Tw1nk. I hope your moving in day has gone really well becs and Tw1nk that you enjoy your Christmas break ready for moving forward looking for a match in the new year.


----------



## TillyT

Hi everyone

Well I haven't posted for a while but I do still lurk as it's great to see what everyone is up to. Our little pink has been home with us a month now and in all honesty I really can't remember life without her.  I can't believe that 2 years ago I had just had my first round if unsuccessful ivf.  There have been lots and lots of hard times but the good times ahead definitely outweigh all that now.
Our journey is moving ahead now but it's not ended yet I'm sure! I just want to reassure everyone starting out to hang on in there, keep talking to those people close around you and as much as possible enjoy and keep positive about the whole process, it's worth it all in the end.

Merry Christmas everyone and I hope 2015 brings you everything you wish for.
-Tilly x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Starry thank you. I hope 2015 brings good things you deserve this xxx

Tilly its lovely to read your post and im glad everything is perfect for you xxx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is ok.

Am after some advice if possible . Our Sw came out yesterday and showed us a profile of an adorable 9 month pink, info we were given is bm is a drug taker and lp was in special care for 2 weeks for wirhdrawal, she was 4 wks early. Recently she has been seen by health visitor and is said to be ahead for her chronological age in development and in good general health and meeting development milestones, all this seems great the only thing which I am concerned is is that the birth father is unknown. This scares me as we would not know anything from this side. Has anybody been in this situation please? 

Thanks 

Xxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Ozzy – That is good that work are being amenable. Enjoy your Christmas this year and your last couples holiday  

Becs – SOOOOOOOO pleased and excited for you!!!! Hope you are enjoying your first family weekend

Laws- Yes medical went well, our mp is 19th Jan  !

Lorella – exciting about lo’s first tooth since being with you !

Tw1nk – Really enjoy your last Christmas now and look forward to 2015 and finding your lo 

Tilly – I am so p[leased for you, enjoy your first Christmas together 

Freedo – This is a hard position to be in, I always wondered how I would feel in that situation. I don’t think anyone knows until they are in your situation. Sorry I know that is not much help. I hope someone on here can give a different/better perspective. 

Love to all x x


----------



## becs40

Well 2nd proper day on our own even though he officially moved in friday, we had to go back to fc's in the afternoon for contact and farewell tea so today is our second full day at home on our own. He is so settled bless him, he is just the most placid, happy, tolerant baby and we are amazingly lucky people! The only real tears we have is when mummy has to give him the nasty antibiotics for his bad cough. First night he didn't go down until 9.40 and woke at 5.30. Last night he was asleep at 7.00 and he woke at 1.00 with his cough and a wet nappy. Changed and put back down and was a bit grizzly half an hour later as then had a messy nappy! Finally settled at 3.00 without any bottle and we then had to wake him up at 7.45! So that would be nice without the 1-3 bit lol! 
Antibiotics is having a lovely effect on nappies, we've had 3 poonami today so the washing machine has been on constantly including the jumperoo seat! 
He is in a good routine for feeds but not naps so we're trying to establish that as well at the moment. He used to just nap as and when he felt like it and what fitted in with fc's day to day stuff so trying to structure that a bit with him. It's exhausting, emotional but we wouldn't change it for the world and I can't believe how lucky we are to have such an incredible baby.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Wow becs sounds like you have settled in to mummyhood so well and was looking forward to seeing your update. I cant believe how much different it is since last year and hope to join you as a mummy to be real soon xxxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks twink it's a roller coaster still. The emotion suddenly hits you when you least expect it and the anxiety! Put him down at 7 again as was very sleepy but watching him on the monitor currently boxing the toys on the mobile! 
It's going to be really strange tomorrow when he goes for contact as he'll be gone for 2 hours!


----------



## Lorella

Becs - sounds like you are doing an amazing job and so pleased to hear LO has settled in well xx


----------



## Primmer

Pyjamas - glad your review meeting was positive, fingers crossed for lo's court hearing in February.

Laws - not long now till matching panel, with Christmas and new year celebrations in between. How exciting!

Ruthie - good luck for your MP in January.

Ozzycat - hope you are having an amazing holiday!

Lorrella - love reading your updates, lo is an amazing part of your family and yay for cutting her first tooth.

Twink - glad you received the call from the decision maker, you can now enjoy Christmas and hopefully you will find your lo early in the new year.

Tilly - lovely update, enjoy your Christmas with your lo.

Freddo - it is difficult isn't it when there is uncertainty, it largely depends on the level of uncertainty you feel you can manage.

Becs - so pleased to read that you have your lo home with you, must be an amazing feeling.

AFM - no real news, we have seen lots of profiles but unfortunately there has been do much interest in the lo's that we have not had the opportunity to process with any if them do far. Hoping the right lo is out there and that we find them early in the new year.


----------



## pyjamas

Our SW has now gone away to New Zealand till the end of January. At least it means I wont be waiting to hear from her over Christmas/New Year and can just try to enjoy it with no adoption stress. When she returns it wont be long till we hear about the PO hearing for LO, February 15th


----------



## becs40

It goes from bad to worse here! Think lo is teething as well now so now has the signs of the beginning bit of nappy rash, probably also due to the number of poonami nappies as well because of the antibiotics.
Today I have bitten the bullet and swapped to cloth nappies, can not tell you how much better they are! 3 what would have been poonamis in them and all contained! Swapped back to a pampers for his contact session and within half an hour of arriving back another poonami! He's got cloth on tonight so hopefully he will awake tomorrow without being soaked through to the sleeping bag in poo like this am.
And I also now gave his cough and discovered our benilyn we had went out of date 2 years ago! Oops!
Still loving it though and still constantly in awe  of just how special our little boy is. He arrived back from contact today and we opened the front door to masses of smiles!


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi everyone - hope you're all ok. Things starting to move quickly now with dates being pencilled in for intros, etc. Our SW has book us on a two-day theraplay course next month and just wondered if anyone else had done it and how useful it's been. To be honest, I've heard nothing but good things about it so we are looking forward to it. Hubby's a bit unsure as to what it's all about, though, so it would be good to reassure him if any of you have done it. xx


----------



## Flash123

Tractorgirl, I'm so jealous. I would love the opportunity to go on a theraplay course. (Cant justify the expense at the moment  As the months have one on with wee man I have read more and more about it and try to use it in our lives as much as possible so I can only see it as a wonderful opportunity to have that chance so early on in placement. What fab preparation by your sw.

Hope it lives up to expectations and I really looking forward to you sharing all the fab ideas


----------



## Forgetmenot

We got this great book recommended when we had a session at training.... She was a therapist and fab! We took away lots of ideas.... Away at the mo, but will find you out details if you want them.  PM me x


----------



## tractorgirl

I'm glad you've all found it useful. Our little man is going through a wobbly period at the moment, apparently, so anything like theraplay sounds like it will be so useful.

Forgetmenot - I've just PM-d you. Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all
I just wanted to wish you all a merry Xmas and new year. 
This group has been so lovely and supportive and will hopefully continue to be as we go into 2015!

  

Xxx

Ps. Just experienced my first projectile vomit. Might not quite be getting the Xmas I dreamed of!


----------



## becs40

Merry Christmas too! Hope Loretta is better for xmas! We're currently on about 6 dirty nappies a day at the mo although at least now contained by cloth nappies so not all up the back. Lo didn't have enough nap time today after getting thrown out of routine by sw visit so was very tired and unsettled. He normally has a dream feed at 9.30-10 but woke just after 9 very very upset. Poor little thing was inconsolable.😞
Also mummy now has his cough too and has been sick through coughing too much throughout the day so out xmas is also not what we would have imagined but lovely none the less.


----------



## Lorella

Becs - awww bless him. I remember in first few weeks Loretta used to get really unsettled when routine changed. 
We have just had the other end this morning! 
Hope you feel better soon xxx


----------



## Troodles

Hi All
Sorry not been on for a few days, just been so manic!!
This is just a quick one as am in work, so sorry no personals other than Becs it's so lovely reading your updates, even the pooh and vomit, can't wait to be covered in it myself lol.  Hope you and LO are feeling better.
Just want to thank you all for your support, wisdom, laughter, tears, joy etc etc  What would I do without you all.  It's nice to know you're all there when I need you and know exacly what I'm going through and don't think I'm being stupid or over sensitive!!  You're all fab!!
Have a wonderful christmas, to the mummies, enjoy your first one and to the rest of us, lets enjoy the peace and this time next year our dreams will have come true too.
Take care all.  Lots of love and hugs to you and yours x x x x x x


----------



## Ruthie82

Merry Christmas everyone

Becs and Lorella glad all i going well even with all the vomiting and poos!

To those who have their bundle enjoy your Christmas together as a family To all of us who haven't found our family yet lets enjoy our hopefully last peaceful and quiet Christmas 

Wishing all a happy, healthy and contented 2015


----------



## Loki Girl

Just wanted to wish all you lovely ladies a very Happy Christmas!!! Those with their little ones at home I am sure you will enjoy inspite of the sickness and pooey nappies   To those of us still waiting please let 2015 be our year because I really believe we have all done enough waiting and it's all our turn now!!

Been really manic at work so haven't been on here much but love your updates Becs and Lorella. Hope we are all able to relate soon lol. 

We picked up our letter today inviting us to panel. Can't believe its now less than 2 weeks!!!     We got a picture and profile of all the panel members and what their role is etc. Have to admit looking at them I still struggle to think these 10 strangers are going to decide if I am good enough to be a parent!!!! We had last visit with social worker to sign off the PAR and she said we have nothing to worry about but easy for her to say. I'm struggling already and its 2 weeks away!!! Luckily our hearing is early morning so won't have to be freaking out all day   

Anyways ladies thank you for all your support and hope I can continue to do the same for you all. Becs and Lorella thank you for continuing to share and support us even tho you are now mummies. It means a lot you are both still around. 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS


----------



## Tw1nk82

Just want to wish everyone a merry christmas. Becs and lorella i wish you a magical christmas and new year and hope that 2015 is the year we all become mummy xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well, sat in my very posh hotel, having my very exciting adult christmas!  Everyone kept telling me to enjoy it, but our hearts aren't in it! Both of us have had stomach bugs and dH is still in bed!! The dog is at home with nana and is very poorly, and wish we hadn't left her.... even looked at flights home today, as well as car hire!!  Touch and go if she will be there when we get back.... feel awful for leaving her.  Seems that she will not be with us to meet her future brother/sister as always anticipated.  

So as I sit here and contemplate another christmas and another year, it makes me think about what to write in DH xmas card..... I always try and write something meaningful and thoughtful about our hopes for the future and anticipation of the year ahead.... And this year.... I think I won't preempt anything!!  Surely this has to be the year.... But so many people wait for their little one..... The right one to find them, but I don't know if I can still be in this boat next year.  Something needs to change!  I am hopeful, I do have hope and optimism, that they are out there......  God willing it won't be long and this time next year, rather than making small talk in a bar, I will be sat at home, decorating our ginger bread house,  settling down in our new xmas pjs and starting many a christmas tradition.... Surely?

Thank you all who have shared this journey... They say it makes you stronger.... I feel strong enough now..... Let all of us get there soon.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas with lots of love, laughter, health and happiness xxx


----------



## becs40

Ah forgetmenot   Poor you that really is crap! I know our 4 legged friends are so much to us, they are our babies too. Next year will be your year I'm sure. I never dreamt it would happen so fast for us, although the link was identified early until the placement order nothing happened. To think our lo only had po granted last Tuesday and here he is just a week later with us is incredibke so when it happens it can happen quick!

Lorella we have had loads of that  too over the last few days including projectile poo down my pyjama top from the change table this am 😀
I've reached the stage now where I'm deciding on just how much dribble or sick is enough to warrant me changing my clothes at the moment (yes the pyjama top definitely went into the wash!)😀
I'm pretty certain it's a combination of the antibiotics and him getting used to our water so should ease up soon. Only 5 more doses of antibiotics.
There's another plus side to mummyhood that I'm discovering, as we've been just getting something to eat as and when we can it's usually a sandwich, soup or toast and we're out for a walk 2-3 times a day for naps and I'm up and down the stairs all day (not having a changing mat etc downstairs as it's good exercise) I've lost 6lbs since Friday.😀
Well a very merry Xmas to all of you and hope there's a splurge of mummies to be joining us on the mummy list very soon. Enjoy the alcohol and lie ins and sick free clothing for just a teeny bit longer as before you know it you too will be crying for being a terrible mummy 5 minutes after leaving the house in the car and realising you didn't bring a hat with you! 😱
Merry Christmas! 🎅🎁🎄


----------



## notgivingup

Just  popping on to wish everyone a lovely Christmas, whether you are living the dream with your new family or wishing for it to be you next year! 


Becs, it sounds like despite the nappies you are enjoying every minute! 

Lorella hope you have an amazing christmas with your little one too. 

Fingers crossed all of us on this thread will be doing the same next year. One week after approval and we've been linked to 3 seperate sibling groups! And there was I thinking all social workers would be off work this week.  Don't think any of them are right for us but it feels very flattering to be asked to view them! 

Merry Christmas everyone x


----------



## Laws1612

merry Christmas everyone.... whatever your plans im sure everyone will have a lovely time one way or another!!!
.thank you all for the friendship you have all provided and the love and support during the ups and downs.....

im sure it will continue throughout 2015. It will be time for another new thread hehe....

defo lots being added to mummy list the first few months of 2015. So excited....

enjoy thr festive period.....its what we wait for all year hehe xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Enjoy everyone x merry Xmas xx


----------



## PixieMcG

ladies, i hope you all had as lovely as a xmas as can be given all of our circumstances.

For those who have little ones at home for the first time, i really hope it was a wonderful family day for you all.

look forward to keeping up to date with all of you in 2015, lets hope we all get our little ones.


----------



## GERTIE179

Happy Christmas everyone! For those that are parents to be, we've just celebrated our 2nd Christmas since lil man came home and was by far the best. It gets better the longer they're home so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your journeys have momentum in 2015 as adoption is only the start and one that has given me my wonderful family. 

I hope this gives you hope for anyone who had been hoping for your children home by Xmas past, there are so so many wonderful moments to soak up once your little people settle into your family and you create your own shared memories. I feel once lil man came home, all the waiting we had done truly paled away and I don't even think about it now - you know when the right one comes along x x x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas, thank you for all your love & support this year.

I'm so looking forward to 2015, what a year makes. I was in such a low painful place last Christmas. 

Sorry for the lack of personals but just popping in.

Lots of love.

X


----------



## teamug

Just popping in to say - hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas especially those with a new family X


----------



## StarryEyed

Just a quick hi from me too, wishing that everyone is having a lovely Christmas. It's been good for me to take a moment, step back and reflect and go into the new year positive again. Likewise FMN I'm not putting down any adoption related wishes for the next coming year - having hoped to be a mummy this Christmas, I don't feel that it's right to put that much pressure on myself for next year. I'll just see what the year brings - particularly as for some crazy reason I've got to have more counselling at the request of a SW who hasn't seen or spoken to me properly in 6 months  

Becs and Lorella, hope you've had a particularly lovely christmas with your LO's. Sounds like you are enjoying it becs even with all the messy bits! I know Christmas can be hard for adopters whichever stage they are whether prospective, waiting, newly placed or had their children home for a while, so hoping people are taking it easy on themselves and remembering it can be difficult for all.

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank you ladies for all being here over the past year. You guys have helped keep me strong, and listened and been sympathetic when I've needed to rant and I've been ever so grateful. I hope that will continue into 2015!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi, hope I'm in the right thread.  Hope you all had a good Christmas and I'm looking forward to getting to know you all x


----------



## HopeFaith

Hi all,

I'm new to this thread & to the whole adoption journey. Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Ultrafirebug - looks like we're at similar stages. We have just done some initial enquiries & have our first information evening in January. I can't wait to get started  

Hope everyone else is well xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Happy New Year everyone, you are all incredible and have made my 2014 fantastic!

A big welcome to ultrafirebug and HopeFaith too xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Happy new year hope everyones dreams come true in 2015 xxxx


----------



## becs40

Well it's been an eventful 2014. We started our adoption journey and can't believe we've got the most amazing baby boy upstairs in his cot as we start 2015! 
We have been incredibly lucky that our journey has been so short by adoption standards but ladies it is so worth any wait I can assure you. I hope you all progress to the mummies list very soon and will also be at home with lo's next New Years eve.

There's some amazing people on this thread who have been great support and inspiration. In particular Starry for inspiration, I am truly in awe of your tenacity and patience. You are going to be an incredible mum and I sincerely hope that dream is realised very soon for you. 

To the newbies just starting out, welcome, good luck and try and enjoy the journey. 

May 2015 see many more progress to Mummy status and many more lo's find their forever families. Good luck and Happy New Year everyone.


----------



## Lorella

Happy new year to all the lovely ladies on this thread. 
I too feel extremely lucky that we have our daughter sleeping upstairs while I sip champagne, play board games and eat Chinese with my DH. 

I hope all your dreams come true in 2015. Thanks for all your support this year. You've all been awesome!

Lots of love xxx


----------



## teamug

A very happy new year to my online forum family  here's to a very happy 2015  

Welcome to the newbies and good luck on your journeys  

We get our phone call on Monday decision day for our 2 little pinks to see if the professionals still think the best way forward is adoption, everything crossed x


----------



## Loki Girl

Happy New Year to you all and welcome to the new ladies. We are a lovely bunch and are here to help with all sorts of things and offer support on your journey. These ladies have been my lifeline for the past 8mths  

Can't believe it's nearly time - only 5 more days before panel!!! I am having an easier 2WW than with IVF lol but the doubts are now starting to creep in the closer we get!!!  DH says he's not worried at all - great for him lol!!! 

Rocket - how u holding up - u go to panel just after me don't you? 

Becs and Lorella - hope u had an amazing new year with your little ones. What a fabulous different start to the year for you both. Hope u're little ones are settling in. 

Teamug - fingered crossed you get the decision you need and your little pinks will soon be home. 

Everyone else good luck on your journeys this year. I have a feeling we are going to have a long list of mummy's and mummy's to be this year


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Just a quickie to say happy new year to you all and here's to our dreams finally coming true in 2015. I've started shopping for our 2 little blues so fingers crossed nothing goes wrong!!

Welcome to the newbies and wishing you lots of luck. 

Thank you all for being  so supportive and for just always being there.  Look forward to hearing lots of lovely news as the year progresses.  

Big hugs and lots of love
Xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Happy New Year everyone!

Loki - panel is just a week away now, been busy doing some work on my back yard that I was told to do before panel, and looking through the questions my sw thinks they may ask, but other than that I'm feeling okay about it. I hope it all goes smoothly for you - will look forward to seeing both our names added to the 'mummies-to-be' list!

Welcome to anyone new; I have to say that although I don't post all that often (the last couple of months there's not been much to report!) it has been a real encouragement to hear about everyone's journeys and it's reassuring to know this is a safe space to voice any concerns or questions to people who understand!

I inquired about a child a couple of months back after an event I attended, and although they initially sounded interested I then didn't hear anything from the SW, so if I am approved next week I will ask my family finder to pursue that some more. Troodles/Teamug/anyone else with links in the pipeline, I hope things make the progress you are wishing for over the next few weeks xx


----------



## PixieMcG

Hi ladies

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year.  New Year new beginnings hopefully for all of us.

I was wondering if anyone could share what happens during your first home interview after being assigned our SW she wants to come on Monday.

We had our initial interview in sept after prep groups.


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi Pixie, good luck for Mon. I was sooo nervous on our 1st visit lol. Was so worried bout saying the wrong thing and worried about what she would think. It was horrible but luckily I relaxed after the 1st one. I would think everyone is different but for us we discussed our family tree so me and DH each had to draw out our family tree going back to grandparents. We also did our eco map which outlined all our support from friends and family and how often we saw everyone etc. After that she told us what she would be discussing with us the next week e.g. our relationship, our journey to adoption, our separate interviews, our finances etc. 

Try not to worry and hope it goes well


----------



## PixieMcG

Thank you Loki girl that's great. So pleased it's more straight forward the first time.

Wasn't sure what to expect.  How long do they last?


----------



## Loki Girl

Yeah I think they understand u are bound to be nervous the 1st time. It gets easier as u get to know your social worker. Our visits were on average around 2hrs. Some of them were an hour and a half but most were around 2hrs. Get used to talking about yourself- it gets quite tiring after a while     It's great you are getting started though. Good start to the new year!!!


----------



## rosex86

Hey ladies, we've got the first of our prep sessions on 8th January then 15th & 22nd. 

Can anyone advise what to expect at these sessions?

We have our final SW visit on 29th Jan then she will be writing our PAR, panel date is March 11th!!  

Xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Arrghhhh trying to keep calm and thankfully am at work. Can't believe by this time tomorrow our whole life is going to change for better or worse!!!!! It's better than the 2WW ever was but am starting to get really nervous. It's consuming my every thought lol. 

Anyways hopefully we will be celebrating tomorrow!!!!

Rose good luck for prep. We enjoyed ours was just really good to feel like really getting started. I can't honestly remember what we did on the first day. Lots of things are covered. Be involved as much as you can cus we had an assessment in our PAR bout how we did on the courses. The only thing I remember thinking is they do try to scare you with worse case scenarios so try not to let this put you off!!

Hope everyone else is doing ok and had a good new year. Sorry no personals but trying to keep calm


----------



## becs40

Loki you'll be fine! Have you got to wait until tomorrow afternoon? That's so hard!

We're on our first day home alone without daddy today! Been ok actually and surprisingly productive! Taken the decs down and got them back out in the garage, tided up everywhere, hoovered, washed a load of nappies and got all the bottles sterilised for the next 24 hours all before 11.00am! Little man has a contact session this afternoon and I was quite taken aback at quite how hard it was to hand him over to the driver, felt really upset. Done some faking whilst he's been gone so 2 bananabreads in the oven currently and he's due back in 15 minutes! 😊


----------



## Lorella

Becs - sounds like you are getting on brilliantly!!

Loki - good luck tomorrow! You will be great!

Loretta has only just got back to normal after sicky bug she had all over Xmas! Never mind , still had a magical time.....not sure would include her projectile vomiting in her high chair at Nanas table on Xmas Day but certainly one to remember!!

Hope everyone's ok. We can apply for adoption order from this week! Gone so quick. Back to the form filling!

Xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi all

Just to let you know the professionals had their meeting today ref 2 pinks and have decided they are to now stay in long term foster care 

So we have to start all over again.


----------



## becs40

Oh teamug so sorry to hear that. You must be gutted.


----------



## Tw1nk82

teamug so sorry it must be so hard xxx

Lorella and becs sounds like mummyhood is treating you both well xxx

Loki good luck for tomorrow but you wont need it you will be fab xxx

Rose good luck with your prep courses. We made really good friends with another couple there xxx

Hope everyone is doing ok. Well our sw is back in work tomorrow so im hoping she will be in touch to discuss family finding xxxx


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki hope all goes well tomorrow. Keep us posted but you will be great.

Becs wow that's amazing, can't imagine how hard that was for you today. 

Teamug I'm so sorry that's such a shame.

Our SW came out today, we are finally starting the assessment. Hoping for panel in the summer.


----------



## Freedo

Good luck Loki for tomorrow xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Best wishes for tomorrow Loki!

Teamug - so sorry to hear that xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck Loki.... Beginning of the end and the start of the beginning x

You and dH will be fab xx


----------



## notgivingup

Really sorry to hear that teamug  

Loki- good luck tomorrow! 

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and new year
Xx


----------



## Troodles

Oh Teamug I'm so sorry to hear that. Big hugs. Lorella and Becs glad all is well. How exciting Lorella!Loki good luck for tomorrow, nothing we can say can take away those feelings but just know you're going to be fine.Rose hope you enjoy the prep course, we did and still in touch with everyone from it. Good luck Pixie. This time next year .....!!!!

Hi to everyone. Hope you're all ok.

Lots of love and hugs xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone happy new year back from an amazing few weeks in burma.. incredible country. . Now ready to through ourselves in starting with our first stage 2 meeting with the sw on Friday. .
Good luck today loki u guys will do great x
Teamugs im so sorry for ur news, but ur little ones are out there and waiting for you x
2015 is going to see that mummy list have all our names on it... stay strong,  weve all made it this far x


----------



## Primmer

LokiGirl - good luck today

Teamug - sending hugs your way, so sorry to hear your news, your little ones are out there. 

Ozzycat - your holiday sounds amazing. Good luck with sw visit on Friday.

Lorella & Becs - love reading your updates, sounds like you are both doing an amazing job.


----------



## Laws1612

Good luck loki xxx you will be fine xx


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - so sorry to hear that Hun. I know it must be very upsetting for you as you would have been imagining them as part of your family. Stay strong though and remember that your little ones are out there. Sending big hugs   Xx

Loki girl - can't wait for your update later! 🍀

It's been 2 and a half months since Lorettas been home and just this week all of a sudden she has started giving cuddles. I feel quite emotional writing this. It is amazing! 

Xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Just a quickie. We did it!!!! I am finally a mummy to be!!!!!! So surreal and I cried in the room hahaha. Couldn't believe it, 2 questions, 5mins later, unanimous decision made while we sat there!!! Can't actually believe it and sat here now with a huge coffee in Costa lol. 

Thank you to all you lovely ladies for your support getting me here. Now hopefully not too long till I can enjoy being a mummy  

Lorella - that is so cute bless her. 

Teamug - so sorry Hun. I know it's no consolation now but the right children for you are out there. Hope it doesn't take too long to find them


----------



## Troodles

WOOHOO congratulations!! Welcome to the mummy to be club!!!

So pleased for you xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Finding it really hard waiting for 15th Feb to come round when we will hear again whether PO has been granted or not! SW is away for all of Jan as well so will not expect to hear from her before then either. Just have one query. When we discussed LO with SW in October, she was 6 months and we were told we would have to move cot into our bedroom. How old or at what stage would you expect her to move into her own room at night? x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Yey congratulations loki xxxx


----------



## Lorella

Whoopy!! Great news Loki Girl!! Sooo pleased for you xxx

Mummy
Lorella
Becs

Mummy to be
Laws
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink
Not giving up
Loki Girl

Panel zone

Tigerfeet - Dec 16th
RocketJ - Jan 9th
Pringle - Jan


Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


----------



## becs40

Congrats Loki! See we told you! Hope you've got some celebratory plans lined up now?

Lorella how wonderful, our little man is very cuddly and smiley but over the past week has stopped resisting me holding him and rocking him to sleep. He used to go rigid and turn away and now he just stares into my eyes and melts my heart all over again.

Pyjamas I fully empathise with you. Waiting to hear about po for little man was horrific and then the case was adjourned another week as they ran out of time. When we finally heard it had been granted I just sobbed in sheer relief!  Little man is 6 months and was in his own room and sw asked if we were happy to continue so we have done and he's been fine. We do make sure we go straight to him for any kind if stirring at all so he knows we're close by.


----------



## Lorella

Pyjamas- Loretta was in with FC and when came to us at 9 months went straight into own room and own cot bed. Took a couple of weeks to adjust but all normal stuff you'd expect xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay I am on the mummy to be list!!!! Thanks Lorella  

Yes off to take the Loki girl for a lovely walk then treating ourselves to a nice dinner. Have loved sending texts to everyone


----------



## teamug

Congratulations Loki


----------



## Primmer

Lokigirl - huge congratulations! Great news!


----------



## Arrows

Huge congratulations Loki!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki... SO SO SO SO HAPPY for you x huge congratulations! Xx


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki that is amazing news well done x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Loki - I'm so happy, I cried when I read your post as we've been on a similiar path for ages now on FF. You deserve this Hun!

Hello to everyone and Happy New Year.

We are still waiting to hear from our SW about our PAR, hoping for a panel date next month.

I'm so excited for 2015!


----------



## StarryEyed

Just a quick one to say congrats Loki! Great news. Seeing that mummy-to-be list grow makes me smile.

Teamug - I'm so sorry to hear your news but as others have said your little ones are out there. They just aren't ready yet.

Lorella and becs - You guys warm my heart. sounds like you are both absolutely loving it. Thanks for keeping updated with your news.

I'll update if and when anything changes...


----------



## Lorella

Hi all
Just had to pop on. Loretta has just had her first swimming lesson. I was bit worried how she would be as never been swimming before and she's gone into a group of more advanced swimmers as I didn't want her to be in a beginner group with newborns. Well the other mummies were very friendly which was nice and Loretta absolutely loved it! She was a natural. No tears. Some lovely smiles and little squeals! She even went underwater! It was just amazing. Highly recommend it to you ladies once you get your little ones. 
I've been feeling a bit guilty recently about having Loretta as she is so so gorgeous and I feel a lot if guilt that we have taken her away from her birth mother. But things like this make me feel more that she is with the right parents as she wouldn't get these opportunities otherwise. 

Hi to all xxx


----------



## becs40

I'd love to take little man but not sure on where to go locally as the pools all seem so cold and he really feels the cold. We'll need to wait a while anyway until his cough is all gone - if it ever  goes!
He had me in tears this afternoon, he'd got very tired and grumpy when yet another poonami resulted in another full change of clothes and was getting himself into a right state. Anyway we calmed down with some cuddles and then went to see if he'd  have a nap on our bed with me lying next to him and he just lay there stroking me, pulling my hair and then let loose on some real hearty chuckles and we just cuddled and giggled for about 5 minutes. It was magical.


----------



## RocketJ

Well done Loki!   It's reassuring to hear about it going so well, I can't believe you were only asked 2 questions! I have a friend coming over tomorrow night to go over how I will answer their questions, so hopefully by Friday I will be fully prepared.

Becs - near me there is a special education school which has it's own pool and there are some children's swimming classes run there. Because it is used for therapy sessions etc by the school it is kept warmer than normal pools. It might be worth checking if there is anything similar in your area. I'm sure I've heard people say swimming is really good for building attachment - I think because they have to be dependent on you, plus you have skin to skin contact.


----------



## becs40

Thanks Rocket, I'm not aware of anything like that nearby but will investigate. There is a special private baby pool which runs classes but it's £119.50 for 10 sessions and you can't do one offs etc so not sure want to commit to that not knowing if he'd enjoy it. I may look at the baby wetsuit things first and then just take him to the normal pool to begin with.


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi everyone, sorry its been a while, 

congratulations Loki! 
Becs, you sound like a natural  

As for me, I am still feeling deflated, SW is coming to see me on Monday and I am desperately hoping there will be news of a little one! I know I could be waiting a long while but I already feel like i've waited ages! (I sound like a spoiled child) 

For you lovely lovely mummies, how long did you wait before you were told of your little one?


----------



## becs40

Ha ha Lous mummy it feels natural when you've been pee'd, pooed and vomited on and that's just today!
For us we heard about lo the month before we were approved then we had to wait 4 months after approval for the whole court process to play out so I can only imagine how hard the waiting is to hear about a lo. Hope it's not too long for you.


----------



## Lous mummy

Thanks Becs, 

There seems to have been a couple of little ones the SW has briefly talked about in the last couple of months but never any specifics, i've tried to quiz her but she is a closed book even though previously asking me if I wanted to hear about any potential little ones that were still awaiting court (I said yes) the last time we spoke she said they were pretty busy in court with a few of them right after christmas. I hope this means she will have news come next week!


----------



## Lorella

Lous mummy - hang in there Hun. Hope you get some news soon. We knew of Loretta before we were approved. 

Becs - the pool we go to is a private pool that's rented out for lessons. It's really warm....like 37 degrees! Lovely! We had a free trial as also didn't want to commit to something if she didn't like it. Most baby groups do free trials I have found. Ours is £10 a session. Does seem quite expensive but it's worth it. It was truly amazing seeing her little face and having that skin on skin contact. 

Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Just want to vent.... Sorry to come in with a me post, but finding all this waiting hard!

Trying to be proactive.... Have expressed interest in some children and waiting on another group..... However, the ones I expressed interest in befor xmas hasn't been acted upon until today.

I was hoping to hear, yay there interested or no there not.  It's been like 3.5 weeks, and nothing.  I just feel I am constantly chasing up and things only happen when I challenge.

I am sure it's not the case, and we are not sw only couple.  Trying to come across and non demanding and yeah whenever is fine, but seriously! So frustrated.  I know everyone says it will happen when it happens etc.... But I don't know how to distract myself.

I constantly look and constantly on my mind xx


----------



## StarryEyed

FMN - I think we all need a 'me' post now and then. I can't begin to imagine your frustration. Waiting is hard enough pre-approval let alone when you are waiting on news of potential links, and you are right it is all well and good saying it will happen in the end but it does nothing for the meantime. I'm a person that likes to keep busy so waiting with nothing to fill the time drives me crazy.  I'm not sure I can suggest anything more in terms of distraction wise because I just fill my time with work (teaching seems to make it incredibly easy to do that), but I'm here to just as a sympathetic ear. Same goes for you too Lou's mummy.

AFM - I've finished counselling - Yay! So a phone call to my SW tomorrow I think to find out where we go from here, I'm not going to keep sitting around and delaying more.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lous mummy and forget me not i am feeling exactly the same way as you both. It is so frustrating. Ihave been approved a month tomorrow and my family finder hasnt even been to see us yet. I emailed her today and guess what no reply. They do not realise that this is our world xxx

Starry i hope the phone call goes well tomorrow and that things are positive and that you can progress xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Starry I am keeping my fingers crossed for you tomorrow, hopefully there will be good news for you! 
Twink, I have also been approved for one month and I'm pretty sure when SW was booking our appointment for Monday she said that guidelines state they have to meet with you within so many weeks of panel approval, I thought it was 4 but could be 6!


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies I feel your frustration approved now for a few months had nothing from SW every possible link has been through ourselves looking on the relevant sites.  I also get the distinct impression that she is ignoring our calls everytime we ring and say who is on the phone our worker is suddenly in a meeting not in the office or on the phone.  I have left a message for her to call us if I haven't heard anything by the end of the week we are going to complain it's not the first issue we have had with her.

I do feel like as soon as you are approved you enter limbo there doesn't appear to be any support there for the waiting process even if workers just called to say hi you are still on our radar etc etc but nothing.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

I know how you guys feel!

It's not being anti social worker or they are lazy... Am sure lots is going on behind the scenes, but if that was just communicated, one would feel better x

I know we are a number and they have huge case loads! My gripe is nothing gets done til I email then it's just, oh done this and that, you can tell just before sending our reply!!!

Also when stuff done independently our par has been sent to kids we are not interested in and I think did you actually read that profile!!! It just feels like easy wins to put on the form of this is what I have done when we next meet, says the cynic!!!

I so am going to get focused at work as lack focus! What to just leave but stupid to do so, so limbo continues. If we are no further on our enquiries, then will request a meeting.

I just need reassurance that everything is in hand.... I know when we get the call to say this is the one... It will all disappear, but!!!

Sorry moan over x have a super day all x lots of love x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Forgetmenot i agree. If our sw would just email to say that there is no news i would be happy with that. Im hoping that mine will email me back today but we will see. I totally understand the work thing. I just want to finish it is really getting me down now. I have hated my job for so long now. Heres hoping that this is just a little christmas glitch and that we all hear something soon xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww ladies. I can imagine your frustration. It hasn't hit me yet as I am still revelling in the moment that we actually got approved on Tues lol but I'm sure it will. 

Although I found the weekly sessions from our social worker hard going at times I have realised that our social worker has been really really good. The other 2 couples we started with are way behind cus their social workers have missed sessions or something came up. So one couple are only just having their separate interviews and we had ours back in Oct. The thing that scares me now is our social worker was only a contractor who worked for our council. Our link worker will be a social worker from that team. So now I think they won't be as good as the social worker who took us to panel. 

The thing that I dont understand and obviously I dont know the size of the councils you are all with. But do your councils just not have ANY children to offer you profiles on? I find it hard to accept that some of these councils must have a lot of children in care so why are their profiles not suitable? Are they that bad? I know our council has said they want us to give them a chance to find 'in house children' as they call them for us before we go off nationally but we are with a very small council. I did find a link tho think it was through adoption uk which had a map of all the councils and their statistics for children in their care, how many adopters got approved and how quickly and how quickly children were placed. Our council it said only had 15 children but neighbouring bigger councils have over 100. I don't understand what goes on

Anyways I guess since there are government targets to get adopters approved in a timeframe but not targets in getting children placed (I don't think?) that this is why they are not that interested after you are approved. Considering they are supposed to be all for the children makes me sad for all the potential children still in care that could be in homes. 

Let's pray we all don't have to wait too long!!!!

I had a fab day in work yesterday it was so nice to get all the congratulations. We went through so much IVF alone that it was just so nice to be the centre of attention for good news!!

Starry - brilliant news. U must be so fed up of counselling lol. I admire you so much for keeping at it, really hope they see that and 2015 will be your year. 

Love to you all and hurry up our children. There are lots of special mummies and daddy's waiting for you!!!!


----------



## AoC

Loki - the 'no children in the system' thing actually means there are no children ready, with placement orders, and all alternative avenues explored. They probably have plenty of children in care, but none ready to be adopted. There have been some shifts in case law recently that are putting pressure on SS to ensure they've explored every avenue of possible birth family/friend care before getting placement orders for children. Though this was for very worthwhile reasons - no-one wants to adopt a child whose been forcibly removed from potential loving, capable carers, or who's going to have a birth parent pop up and say, "hang on, nobody told me about this!" - it's meant that there are much longer delays between children being removed from risky situations and them being made available for adoption.

The positive news is that 1) SS are being properly diligent to make sure the right care option is being pursued for children, instead of just 'defaulting' to adoption and 2) there has been more recent case law and papers (such as this:- http://www.first4adoption.org.uk/news/adoption-leadership-board-publishes-myth-buster-impact-recent-court-judgements/) basically appealing for calm and not being over-zealous so as to make children wait too long.

 Good luck everyone!


----------



## GERTIE179

Huge hugs to those of you guys waiting. we waited almost a year and only 1-2 profiles in that time that were unsuitable. A bit of common communication from SW's to say no news is much better than in limbo (as we were at times even with a great SW).

However, I am not sure how many of you have seen the recent issue over the last 9-12 months where adoption placements (a child needs a placement order before they can seek an adoptive home) have slowed right down. It is a knee jerk SS's reaction to a High court care "B re BS" that the child should have been placed within her wider family and SS's were too quick to place the child in an adoptive setting and thus permanent severance from the wider birth family when family members were deemed "good enough". Likely some of these authorities are overwhelmed with children but cannot get placement orders or the children are with family members whilst assessments are being carried out. Foster carers of young children report a shortage of placements and some have went months without any babies in their care when they would normally have 2 under 3years.

This articles is interesting as I think 2015 may see SWs starting to come to their senses again but may trickle through and unfortunately you ladies may be caught up in some of these delays depending on what is on in your area at this precise time.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11297077/Social-workers-must-not-shy-away-from-adoption-top-family-judge.html

Good luck to you and hope this information is useful (although not as uplifting as we would like to see).
x


----------



## AoC

Great minds, Gertie....  ;-)


----------



## pyjamas

We had a review just before Christmas as we have been waiting 18 months since approval. SW said that we are top of list and every child is considered as a match for us before others. Since approval we have seen two CPR as a result of Activity Day but both had medical issues we felt were too complex. SW has shown us two other CPRs both of which resulted in PO not being granted. That's all we have been shown (despite apparently being top of list!) after 18 months, and our criteria is not limiting. We all need to be prepared for a long wait. We do however have a very faint glimmer of hope that one of the PO not granted will be granted in Feb  xx


----------



## Loki Girl

AoC - thanks for that. I guess I hadn't seen it like that so that all does make sense. Think must resign myself to a long and frustrating wait lol. But hey you never know lol. Like I say for me at the mo just happy in the fact we got this far. The frustration and ranting will prob come later


----------



## AoC

The thing is, things shift in adoption land relatively quickly.  I do get the sense that things will start to move more quickly again in 2015, but it's just a gut feeling.  Nothing ever stays the same for long.


----------



## GERTIE179

Pj's - your time will come and im keeping everything crossed for you that Feb brings good news. although the wait was tough - I'm so so glad we did as we have the most perfect little boy (although still within our criteria he probably has all of our "would accepts" and some "would considers" too and he's still young so time for more to be diagnosed ;-) Although I know others who were matched with littlies with "no issues" and now things are starting to feel there's more to them and the referrals are being sought.

Loki - I told everyone we could be waiting 9-12 months to stop folks asking all the time. Totally didn't think that it would be actually true and I found it tough especially as our SW said we would be snapped up soon and we were pipped to the post in our own agency on a few occasions. Ps Rant away as this Forum folks get it. Those around us just see the ideal parents waiting for their LO's and don't understand all the red tape in the way and so can sometimes wind us up more.

Hope you guys start to see things moving more as we get into 2015 and you'll be parents in the blink of an eye! xx ((hugs))

x x


----------



## pyjamas

Thanks Gertie. All the support on here is amazing. Thank You Guys!


----------



## DRocks

Can I join the group hug for the waiting mummies?
Been approved almost 10 months now. Found it difficult for the first six months, I then relaxed a bit but since January 1st I'm all anxious again. I do feel positive that this year will be our year, but after loosing out to another couple in November I think my confidence has been knocked. 
My partners entire to a meeting with SW and ff yesterday to discuss profiles etc. they seem to think a change in government this year may help with the lack of children. We are in one of the biggest counties but there has been a 70% drop in children this past year. 
They did tell us about a little one but doesn't look like she will be free'd for adoption. And another we were put forward for in December but grandparents moved to our town.

It will happen, but it's just taking its sweet time.
It's nice to hear our sw say that our daughter is out there waiting, they just need to fine her.

Big hugs to you all.


----------



## Primmer

I have only been approved since mid-November and it already seems a long wait even though I was aware that it could take a while.  Time seems to go slowly when you are waiting for something this important! We are with a voluntary agency and at the moment it seems that most of the lo's are been matched within their own authorities due to the decrease in children. Having said that, I would guess that we may have seen profiles of about 100 little ones since approval which demonstrates that there are still children out there and so I am trying to hold onto the hope that our little one is out there and we will find him/her soon. 

Pyjamas - really hope that the PO will be granted at the hearing in February 

Hugs to all us mummies to be xx


----------



## Treaco

Disneyrocks and Primmer we're the same with waiting, we've now been approved for 7months and the waiting is hard but hoping 2015 is the year for us all to get our little ones. We've refused one match and been asked if we would consider another one but she has a medical condition that on research can affect her as she gets older so we won't be going with that one either as we have a bs and it wouldn't be fair on him. Our bs also keeps asking when he is getting his wee sister as they don't understand why it takes soo long. Haven't heard from our sw now since the week before xmas but hopefully she'll be in touch soon.

Hope we all get our matches soon.
Hope all is going well for those already matched and those that's little ones are home.

M xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks for all your comments guys, I share your frustrations.

I heard from ours today and I think I have peed'd her off..... Said something about checking up on what she was doing!

It's so hard getting a balance, but want to know more info!!

I need to learn one email a week lol x think I am black listed in the office xx


----------



## pyjamas

Since we were approved in July 2013 I think we have heard from our SW only every 6-7 weeks or so but it was longer at the beginning of 2014 when our SW went on long term sick leave as we weren't told and no one took over our case, until we queried with another SW at Activity Day why we had received no response from her for months! x


----------



## becs40

The lack of communication from them is the hardest part. I used to feel guilty sending emails or chasing and then I'd get the dual response "there's lots going on in the background so we haven't forgotten you". I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that lots only went on between my email being received and their response back! 
I wasn't prepared to sit back and let them prove me wrong though so we'll never know.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi All, 

We are hoping to officially begin our adoption journey this year after an initial deferment. We were lucky enough to meet some fabulous people via FF during our TX journey and I suppose I'm hoping to now meet some fab adoption buddies to share the journey with too.  

Our IV is Jan 30th


----------



## liveinhope

The wait is frustrating.  I know we are lucky as we have a great social worker who is really proactive.  That said, she knows I would chase her up so I guess its easier just to do it!
On a positive note, we have a visit on 27th January about a little pink aged 18months- fingers crossed......


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi All, 

I know the threads been established for quite a while, and a lot of you are much further on in the process, but hope you don't mind me joining, if nothing else I'm sure I'll be able to learn a lot about what hopefully lies ahead. 

We have just re-applied after an initial deferment and if all comes good on Jan 30th hope to begin the adoption journey this year after what feels like a VERY long wait. Adoption is by no means alien to us as I'm adopted myself and close friends have adopted previously. 

I recognise a few names and hope to get to know you all better. 

Fairy Dust to all, wherever in the journey you now are


----------



## Lorella

Hi Mr and Mrs Bubbles 😊

Liveinhope - good luck with your meeting. 

To those of you waiting sending big hugs and hope you get some news soon 😘

Xxx


----------



## Sweetnats

Hello Ladies

Would it be ok to join you? I have not been on FF for a while now as been having time out since giving up TTC. We have now started the adoption Process and have had informal interview with our SW and have all the paperwork and Intention Form to complete and send back. As DH works offshore we have to hold back on sending it as he is due away next week. So when he is due home we will send back so they can get us straight in  

Am so excited and anxious all at once..... Hope to have a read back and see what i can catch up on  and where people are in their journeys

Nat X


----------



## Ozzycat

This must be a record.. first session with our sw and we fired her before she'd even got in her car!!!!
That was an absolute nightmare! !
Without blowing my own trumpet me and hubby are really chatting,  friendly outgoing people and there was no repour and I would have had more conversation with my toenails!!
She never introduced herself or told us anything about herself and she started telling us about all the homework and things we needed to write about ourselves. . Finally we pipped up that we had infact done this already. . All 20pages of it.. she hadn't read any of it, knew nothing about us... couldn't answer any questions we had and the final straw came when she asked me to talk about my previous marriage. . Ive been with hubby 12years and the longest relationship b4 that was 4weeks!!!!!!
There was no conversation,  it was so awkward and we were done in 1hour.. not what we expected! 

Hubby was soooopo angry he got on the phone and asked to speak to a manager,  no one in till Tuesday but the receptionist promised to send an email to her detailing our concerns. . But in short we will not be working with her even if we have to wait a few more months for a sw.. nightmare!!!

Hello newbies, trust me this forum is the best place for a rant! X


----------



## Ruthie82

Ozzycat- That sounds horrific!!!!I bet you are fumming! Rightly so. I do hope they call you back very soon!!

Loki- Congratulations!! 

FMN – It is so frustrating.  Have you try booking things in – couple things, girly days..or even weekends? It has helped me a little in between the frustration 

Liveinhope – I bet you are excited about 27th to hear more about the little pink

Love to everyone else and hope we all have positive journeys this year

x x


----------



## becs40

Ozzycat that sounds pretty much like our first meeting but we only saw that social worker once as didn't have any other stage 1 meetings then we were allocated a different social worker for stage 2.


----------



## Lorella

Ozzycat - you poor thing! I really feel for you. You don't need that. How unprofessional and very annoying for you both. Hugs to you. Hope you get some answers soon and can move forward xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Welcome to mr and mrs bubbles and sweetnats the support on here is fantastic xxx

Ozzy I cant believe the sw acted like that. So unprofessional. Im glad your husband got right on the phone about her xxx

I phoned our sw today after she ignored my email. She has book a meeting with me for the 20th. She said that they (VA) had shared our profiles with LAs and that if there was any matches before then she would be in touch. All i wanted was for them to say that things were happening and that we hadnt been forgotten about. I dont know how you ladies that have been waiting so long have coped. You are and inspiration and rocks xxx

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## Primmer

Bubbles & Sweetnats - welcome to this thread, great support and advice, a place to rant and to share good news.

liveinhope - fingers crossed meeting goes well.

Ozzycat - that does sound poor and the fact that she had not done her homework before meeting you was awful. At several of out meetings or sw kept forgetting that DH had a grown up daughter and then when she did remember she could never remember her name!

I must admit that our family finder has kept us up to date on a regular basis even if it's just to say that there is nothing to report. She is really good and I have every confidence in her. My concern will be when a potential link is identified and our sw becomes involved again as she is relatively inexperienced but will cross that bridge when it comes to it.

My DH and I have booked 2 nights away at the end of this month as something to look forward to and in the hope that soon we won't be able to do such things. Got a really good deal which includes a 3 course dinner on one night, afternoon tea the next day and breakfast both mornings. Can't wait!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Welcome newbies x

Be hugs everyone else and the new mummies!


----------



## Sweetnats

Thank you for the welcome ladies. 

It's great to read all your journeys. You read about things you haven't even thought of. Have mainly been thinking about the process etc and hadn't even thought about the wait at the end for a match. 
Also horrible to read about your sw ozzy. We met a few from out LA and they all seemed so friendly. Hope it doesn't change once we start!


----------



## Kylie47

Hi ladies

I'd like to join you if that's ok! We're in the very early stages,  still trying to decide which service to go with.  Have an initial meeting with an LA on Monday and VA on Tues next week - both highly recommended to us and based on my initial phone calls with them (plus info eve for the LA) I'm really impressed with both. So, a good start!  

The main crux for us is that we're really keen for a baby, and of course there's not many available for adoption at the moment, which has been confirmed by the LA and VA. We're still keen to proceed though, not going to be thwarted  .

Do you guys have any advice re what questions to ask at our initial meetings with SWs, in order to help us decide which is the best service for us? I can see advantages of both LA and VA so imagine we'll nor find it easy to decide!  

Of course they might reject us! I have a complicated history, what with fertility treatment, bereavements of close family members, social services being involved with one family member, impending surgery for me and other things.  We feel confident we're ready for a child and the time is right to start the process... just hope we can convince the SWs of that!  I'm sure many of you will have had similar concerns!

Anyway I look forward to getting to know you all and wish you the best of luck whatever stage you're at in the process!

Xx


----------



## becs40

Hi Kylie,
My experience here with the difference between LA or VA is that the VA advised us they generally have the children that are harder to place. LA's generally want to match their own children with their own adopters for financial reasons so unless a child specifically has to be placed out of area the vast majority of "easy to place" children will be matched within house.
This may be different for other areas but is certainly the case for our area. We've just had a 6 month baby boy placed with us with no issues and there is absolutely no way he would have been matched outside of the LA because they would have had their own adopters queuing up for him.


----------



## Sweetnats

Hi kylie

There aren't any VA in our area. We went to an info evening for to LA as we are close to two. The first info evening was very ..... What's the word...informative but also very classroom effect. Also was about 30 couples. The second we went to I just got a better feel and they went through the basics in the meeting then a social worker took us to a room for an informal chat. There was only 3 couples on this one. Just feel so much more friendly. So was an easy decision for us


----------



## Helend75

Hello, I'm another at the start if the journey. We went to an ion evening towards the end of September, but having only recently finished treatment we knew we wouldn't be able to proceed until after Christmas - but nonetheless wanted more info on adoption to weigh up our options. 
We are due to attend a neighbouring la info evening on Tuesday & hopefully start the process in February.


----------



## Loki Girl

Just wanted to come on and say hi to all our new ladies. I remember when we started and it seemed like ages as we had to wait from our initial SW visit to the first prep course which was 8 weeks. Seemed like a life time just twiddling our thumbs waiting for DBS to come back. But then once we hit stage 2 it just seemed to go really quick as we had weekly meetings and homework and reading to do etc. Despite needing a couple of extra sessions with SW from our first enquiry at end of April we just got approved last Tues so approx 9mths. It's all very exciting times and it will go quicker than u think. 

Helen I remember that was us last year. Although we had been to an info evening in Dec 13 and I was really excited that adoption would b for us we went for our 5th and final IVF which didn't work. We still gave ourselves 4mths after that before we felt ready to proceed. I don't regret the IVF and I think we had to give ourselves those chances but now looking back wish we had stuck to the original 3 goes we had promised ourselves (ended up being 5 lol) and done adoption sooner. Still I know our children are now physically out there waiting for us to be their mummy and daddy and they will be the right ones for us. 

Can't help with VA verses LA as we just went with LA but I had heard also that VA have the more difficult to place children so we decided to try LA. 

Hi to everyone else. Rocket have u been to panel? Thinking of you xx

Good luck on your journeys and we are all here to help you through the waiting and the questions and the homework etc. It will all be worth it.


----------



## RocketJ

A quick hi to everyone - just got back from a busy weekend staying with my family after panel gave me a welcome 'YES' on Friday!!! It's not properly sunk in yet, but I'm looking forward to getting started on the search for my child  

Like Loki, it's taken about 9 months to get to this stage, but when I look back it feels as though it has moved at the right pace for me, allowing me to take the time to get my head round things as I needed.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations rocket xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Congratulations Rocket!!!

Welcome Newbies, it's all daunting at the start and I'm sure you have so many questions. This is a lovely supportive group.

AFM still waiting for our panel date, SW sent a text lady week to say she hasn't forgotten about us! Looking forward to reading our PAR.

I've cleared out the spare room this week ready to paint it, keeping myself busy!

X


----------



## Sweetnats

Wow congratulations rocket. Can only dream of being at that stage!!!


----------



## Troodles

Yay congratulations Rocket. That's fab!!


Hi to all newbies. Lots of love and luck.  Everyone here is amazing!!


Hi to all. Hope you're all doing ok. 


Lots of love and hugs xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Rocket so fab to wake up to your news. Love seeing that growing list!!! Now let's see that Mummy list growing in 2015!!!

My friend who's not on here was approved in Sept has just been linked to 2 little girls so only 4ths for her. Let's hope the rest of us not waiting too long. Met my friend yesterday and she gave me a teddy which was so cute to think wow this is actually happening. We are happily thinking of rooms as well and will prob start clearing out. Just to be proactive and keep myself busy while we wait lol. 

Hope everyone has a great week


----------



## becs40

Congratulations Rocket! Fab news!

I hope you mummies in waiting get some news soon.

Welcome to all the newbies, this is a lovely thread with lots of advice and support so ask and chat away!

Afm well it appears 3-4.30am is a great time to be awake in little mans eyes! Not in mummys! Back to the dr's today as still has this pesky cough which isn't really bothering him but it's been too long now. Also supposed to be going to drop in session at health visitors tomorrow so that will be interesting when they weigh him! Chunky monkey that he is and doesn't my back know it! I did a Mile walk with him in the sling yesterday and ouch! He's fine in it if we're just mooching about the house but walking really screws your back up as all his mighty weight shifts lol!


----------



## Primmer

Rocket - great news - congratulations!!!


----------



## Lorella

Whoopy! Many congrats Rocket! So excited and pleased for you xxx

Mummy
Lorella
Becs

Mummy to be
Laws
Teabag
Nicola
Ruthie
Pyjamas 
Tractor Girl
Forgetmenot
Freedo
Troodles
Primmer
Lou's mummy
Twink
Not giving up
Tigerfeet
Loki Girl
RocketJ

Panel zone
Pringle - Jan

Starryeyed - TBC
Paula pumpkin - TBC
Rose - TBC
Ozzycat - TBC


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## Lorella

Hi to all newbies  

Becs - you have my sympathies. Loretta is quite a good sleeper but she's been teething a bit last few days so been waking up about 5.30. This is hard on the system so know what 3.30 must feel like! She was back to 7.00 this morning though which is great! Hope little man feels better soon and starts sleeping later. 

Loki girl - ahh that's lovely about the teddy. I remember when we got back from panel we bought some stacking cups! Was so exciting! Nows a fab time to start clearing out rooms. I remember we did the same and it felt good to just have that room all clear and ready. 

Paula - hope get panel date soon

primmer - enjoy your nights away. Sounds lovely. Def make the most of this time together I say! We've just booked lots of mini breaks in England for the summer to take Loretta to our favourite places. Can't wait but know will be very different with a toddler!

Hugs and hellos to all you lovely ladies waiting for news. Really hope you get some soon. 

We are checking out our village toddler group this morning. My friends whose got a baby is coming with me for moral support! 


Oh and we've just sent off our application to adopt! So now we wait for a court date......
Xxx


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## RocketJ

Thanks everyone, it's a really good feeling to see my name on that ever-growing list!

Becs/Lorella, it all sounds so real when I read about you and your little ones - here's hoping you both get a good night's sleep tonight!!


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## Sweetnats

Hi ladies.

Could I go on the list? Just started...been to info evening and will be sending forms off in 2 weeks when hubby back


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## becs40

Woohoo excellent news Lorella! Can't wait until that's us! 5.30! I wish! 😀 it's been every night from somewhere between 3.30 and 4.00 am and up for at least an hour with the exception of one night. I did get 7 hours sleep last night as went to bed at 8 lol!
Well I can honestly say I am completely and totally in love with little man, I never thought it would be so quick. I can not believe how incredibly lucky we are to have him in our lives, he is such a ray of sunshine.


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## teamug

Congratulations Rocket 

Lorella and Becs - your news about your little bundles always makes me smile, I do hope we don't have t wait too long for another link and this time for it to got all the way 

Hope everyone is doing well, hello and welcome to the newbies x


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## Lorella

Becs - we are lucky that Loretta sleeps through the night! 7-7 on a good day! Can not complain about that! We feel same about Loretta. Just got to get through next few months waiting for adoption order. Think will be a tense and nervous time. Hate it when little doubts come into my mind that there is still a tiny possibility she could be taken away from us. Would be devastated beyond words if that happened. 

Sweetnats - I have added you to the list on the first page. If anyone else wants me to add them let me know 😊

First toddler group went well. Although note to self - for her to wear dark colours and must get Lorettas feet measured and get her some shoes! She got filthy sliding around the hall. She loved it though and I don't care 😊
Xxx


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## becs40

Ah wow Lorella! I'm starting to venture out and took little man to hubby's office last week followed by lunch at John Lewis. Yesterday took him to one of my work offices to meet one of my colleagues, she's based at a local library where the sure start centre us do think I may start going to the rhyme time session and stay and play there soon.
We made it to 5.30am today! Hooray for new nappy! Hoping its that and it wasn't just coincidence. We're going to weigh in clinic this afternoon so getting prepared for the comments on his weight lol as he's huge! He's a tall boy too though!


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## PixieMcG

Oh becs and lorella sounds great. Hard but worth it I'm sure.

I can't wait to get through our home study. It's different in Scotland, we don't have stage 1 and 2. We're just starting the assessment and were told it would take 6 months. I think they are overwhelmed at the moment as we applied to adopt a year ago.

Frustrating for everyone I know but hopefully now that we have started it will move quickly. We completed our motivation story and out life stories this week ready for SW coming again on Friday.


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## Laws1612

Hi all.....
welcome to all the newbies I can no longer keep up hehe....lorella and becs your uodates are so lovely and im so happy for you both 

the old gang hang in there it will be your turn soon. I know the waiting ia horrible but we will be on the position soon pulling our hair out hehe....

im off to matching panel tomoro for our two blues nervous and excited all at once. 

Love to all xx xx


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## becs40

Good luck tomorrow Laws, not that you need it! 
Have you got dates for intros yet?
What ages are they?


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## Tw1nk82

Hope everything goes well tomorrow laws xxx


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## RocketJ

I can't believe you are at that stage already - it gives me hope that perhaps the wait won't be too extreme for the rest of us. I hope panel goes well xx


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## Laws1612

Dates for intos forst week of feb so excited.  There 3 and 1. Cant wait to meet them.....xxx
whens your matching panel?? So pleased for you....xxx


rocket and twink thanks.....will be you next im sure....stay postive xxx


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## Dame Edna

New home, this way ...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=331726.0

X


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