# Positive thinking = baby??



## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hello all,

Hope everyone is feeling ok today  

This may be a daft post but I would be interested in anyone's opinion on this...

Each time I've had tx I've been told by the nurses after ET to stay positive and chill out, eat healthy foods etc. but other than that there's not much more I can do to help implantation. But surely if there is a medical reason why this isn't happening then all the positive thinking in the world isn't going to help one bit!!

I guess I'm stressing a bit as on the 2WW I find positive thinking practically impossible (as I'm sure we all do). I suppose I'm trying to blame something for my bfn and I know deep down, no matter how much I pretended to myself, I just didn't have a PMA.

I know they probably say it for our own good rather than it actually helping tx.

Sorry if I sound cynical but I just don't see what difference it makes...would love to hear anyone else's view on this...sending myself a bit   

Miki
x


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## brizzy (Sep 9, 2009)

I would love to know the answer as well.
My Dr keeps saying it will eventually happen.........
I stopped smoking 5 years ago, have 1 de-caff coffee a day, have the occasional alcoholic drink, am normal weight. Tried accupunture twice. Did not eat pineapple week of t/f. Taken multivitamines. What else to do
I'd love to hear some advice too.


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hello ladies,

I've had 2 BFN's, one with FET and one with fresh ICSI cycle.

I lost weight, gave up smoking, gave up caffeine, gave up diet drinks and sweeteners, took my multivitamins, ate my 6 brazil nuts every day, drank my pineapple juice, did not work for during any of my treatments, had regular acupuncture.  

I could package PMA, felt really positive through out all my treatments, and am lucky enough to be a natural optimistic.

STILL NO BFP IN SIGHT!!!

I used 'visualisation', happy thoughts, 'thinking' myself pregnant and still to no avail!!!!

It just seems such a game of chance and perhaps if we take enough chances, our dreams will come true.

Dee
X


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## kimberleigh (Dec 18, 2008)

hello Ladies, Sorry just to jump in..late as welll!!! But couldn't just read and run.

I feel the same too, I have had one fresh ivf and one FET(haven't typed it in my signature) both resulted in BFN , First fresh cycle, i took two weeks off work, told hardly no one, and tried to relax, when i saw the BFN, i cried for a month!!!! i started bleeding (sorry TMI) 2 days prior the otd, also the clinic told me i had excellent embie's and had a 70% chance of pregnacy !!!!! so it really hurt when it was negative!!!!

The second time with FET, they didn't say anything and told me to stay positve, i did nothing, i took 2 weeks off work again, and just lazied around the house, i didn't lift a finger, my poor DH   I took vitamins, had accupunture (both cycles) and eat health and again started bleeding but this time it was brown blood (day 9 of the 2 week wait), so i was still a little hopeful, i phoned my clinic and they aren't the most caring of nurses  told me very arsy, to do a pregnact test and if negative, forget it and it would be alll over!!! thanks!!!!

I keeep alot of my feelings locked up, cos i feel no one really understands, they just pity me...until this site, i feel i can spaek to ladies who understand. 

Whenever my period is late, i pray... that by miricle i am pregnant,   but the witch always finds me.

Sorry about the essay, just want to let you know that you are all not alone, 

Thanks for letting me jump in and have a lil moan 

Postive thinking!!!!

Kim x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Miki

I just wanted to say that if you can manage a PMA on the 2ww, it certainly won't do any harm but if you can't, please don't beat yourself up about it.

I managed it on my first two cycles but got BFNs both times.  My third cycle was a different matter - even before I started d/r, I felt that I was wasting our time and money, the clinic told us the chance of a BFP was a couple of per cent, the cycle was a nightmare (cyst then bleeding while stimming, cycle nearly cancelled due to lack of follicles/eggs, and far fewer eggs than the first two cycles).  After ET, I was totally convinced that it hadn't worked - I went through the motions of supplements, healthy eating, resting etc but was very far from perfect and my PMA was completely out of the window.  By the day before test day, I had decided that "seeing as how I won't ever be having a baby, I might at well sorting out the garden instead", and I had started planning which paths and trees I was going to dig out (Our garden was, ahem, a project ...).  I got up early on test day to start on the garden then decided, after swithering, that, despite being absolutely certain that it hadn't worked, I had better do a PG test because of all the heavy digging I was planning.   Suffice to say that no digging happened for a long time afterwards  

PS: I have to say that I didn't really manage a PMA during my pregnancy either as I was totally convinced that something was going to go wrong but I now have a beautiful little girl who is coming up to 3 years old. 

Wishing you all lots of  

Ellie


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Ladies, hope you're both ok  

Ellie thanks for sharing your lovely story and congratulations on your beautiful little girl. I am at a stage now where, after 2 bfn's I really doubt if it will ever work for us, you've given me a bit of hope today though    I think next time i will try to be as sensible as i can, but not stress too much about doing the right thing and take my mind of it as much as possible. Our garden will need sorting out next year so I may take a leaf out of your book...just planning though, no digging!

Hi Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your bfn's, I hope you're feeling ok about it all. It's so hard isn't it? My last bfn was nearly 2 months ago now but it's still so painful at times i feel I'll never cope. I too still get my hopes up every month and pray for a miracle but   always turns up   Staying positive is so hard, even now, never mind on the 2ww!

You can send an essay and have a moan anytime   this website really is fantastic to know you're not alone.

Love Miki
xx


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## kimberleigh (Dec 18, 2008)

Hi Miki D 

I know it is hard to stay postive, i am due my NHS go in December and i have said that if it doesn't work this time ( i know i sound so negative) but this is our last go,  , my life has been taken over by all this, everyday i go into work i am on this site, i dont know what i am looking for but i think, reading others stories (sucess stories) this keeps me sane and pray that one day, i will have a chid of my own. Because i have never been pregnant, i find it hard to stay positive  ( i sound do depressing reading this back...sorry)

well all i can do is sit and wait..again!!!!! hope fully we will get the baby we all deserve  


any plans for future treatment with yourself? 

kim x


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hiya Kim,

Hope you're feeling ok today  

I'm in the same boat, my next go will be my last NHS treatment , I'm just not sure if I can put myself through this anymore. It will probably be around Jan time, i'm really dreading it, i've been so down after the last one, i just feel like i'm setting myself up for a fall again.

I think maybe we feel so negative to protect ourselves in a way, it's the whole getting your hopes up thing that hurts, if I'd never had my hopes raised in the first place then it wouldn't hurt so much when it fails. This has totally taken over my life too so i completely understand  . I'm sick of it being there in the back of my mind all the time. I've never been pg either, I would give anything just to experience what it feels like  

I've just had to have a conversation with the guy I sit next to at work about his daughter starting nursery on monday. Oh my god it's so hard!! All i can think is...i'll never get to do that. I just have to smile and not show how much it hurts  

You're right though, we should read the positive stories on here and   our time will come. Thank god for FF!

Sending you a big hug   and some positive vibes     

Love Miki
x


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## kimberleigh (Dec 18, 2008)

Hi Miki,

I.m fine today  thanks

I know what you mean, about listening to that guy in work, i have to drop my step son off to school twice a week, and because i am not his mother, the looks i get from the other mothers, if feel like telling them, i would love to be dropping my son off!!!! if only they knew!!   but hay hoo.

I can't wait to start, just to know the end result, but this time i am gonna try and stay focused, take each day...yeah right, easier said than done!!! 

How many goes have you had on the NHS? I thin i only get one free go!!!! the first IVF and FET we had to pay private...cos me being me, couldn't wait! 

hopefully our time will come  

Love Kim x


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Kim,

Glad you're feeling ok today hun. I'm not too bad either, although that's probably because I have 2 weeks off work after tomorrow, I really can't wait!! Will probably mean a while away from FF though, hope I'll cope ok  

As for the mothers at school, like you say if only they knew how you felt!! Ignore them, they're just not worth the bother if they're like that, I can understand how hard it must be for you though.

Aww I'm really glad you're looking forward to your treatment. I don't think it's healthy the way I feel about it.

I've been so lucky, this will be my 3rd nhs go, if they accept me again (that's the max anyone can have I think). So if this doesn't work we would go private, I'm just not sure how many more times I can go through this though. It's so hard though as I will always think...one more go, next time might just be the one that works!!

Have you found out for definite how many you can have on the nhs? I know it can depend where you live (which is so ridiculously unfair) and other circumstances.

Keep in touch and let me know how you're getting on won't you, pm me if you ever want to chat.

Stay positive and happy   

Love Miki
xx


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## kimberleigh (Dec 18, 2008)

Hello Miki, 

Sorry only now replying, Well i hope you have a fab couple of weeks off,   Hope your feeling ok today 

Theres lucky you are to have three goes, we only have one and thats it....well hopefully it will be our time with our next cycle.  

Any thing planned for your holidays? Its just nice to be off and not be going through the 2 week wait!!!!!!

I will keep you posted with any progression, Hopefully we will be starting on my next period (sorry tmi)   Just got to get bloods but i will be wshing away this month now!!! I feel liked i have wished away this last couple of years, waiting for treatment!!! hay hoo the joys of infertility   

Enjoy the your hols, 

Love Kim


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## nilu (Oct 7, 2009)

Hi Miki,
join the club.  I am feeling the same as you. Yesterday I found out I had miscarried my 2 embies. I was overjoyed when I got the bfp on 30th sept and a day later it was gone. my mom, and my friends keep saying you are too stressed out with everything, etc etc but none of these things can make me feel good right now. with regards to positive thinking, how many times can you force yourself to think positive ? I found that very hard at the time and even harder now. Generally I am a smiley and this ICSI has taken much of me out of it.I feel like I want to thump someone when they say to me `relax things will get better'.


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