# Disappointed...



## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Over Christmas, we decided adoption might be a possible way forward for use.  I still have some intial questions that concern/intrest me and wanted some answers before we begin the process if thats what we decide. 

So inbetween my lessons, meetings and general crapness of the week have been sneaking out into my car to call me list of LA and VA.  We I have called lots, and got no where.  No one will address any questions until they 'post' us an equiry sheet and it gets posted back... and I guess from how they sound if we're deemed ok, we might get a call back.  Several others have not called back despite up to 3 messages being left.

This makes me so angry and upset, and I think will I ever be able to get through this process. I know nothing is easy, and tey should just give children to anyone, but I just want to speak to someone.

Already it feels very stressful and not even started (I think cos of my job, I can never make calls in working day.  I have to do lunch duty at school, so get one break, and if I have things to set up or kids to deal with, day over!! COntray to popular belief our school doesnt finish at 3!!!   )

So I dont know what I am asking... is this what the process is like.  I am in dorset, so any one any experience in this area?

I am also worried about the sorts of questions they ask, and is it really a difficult process as they say?

Anyway I waffle... saturday morning rant over.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

The BBC reported the other day a national number had been lauched for people to enquire about adoption. It is 0300 222 0022.

We just asked for the information pack from out local council and found everything we needed in there.

Good luck! Jes xx


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Thanks Jes!
Will call it on Monday.

I have information packs, though wanted to ask specifics, and how flexible on times since treatments etc as they are all individual. 

It's not about jumping ahead, but I guess I thought people might be a bit more civil and interest. I feel dh and I would be great parents (as we would) but they might not!!

I worry about how much your family (dhs) might impact decisions etc, just stuff I want not answered full cos I guess they can't til in the process but just a little guidance and reassurance!

I guess if we want our family then we have to work within the framework, but I can see it a month before we get to an initial conversation and that's what bothers me


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hiya, I know it's frustrating but I think adoption is just one of those processes where you have to be super patient. We rang and we weren't even allowed to put in our interest forms till we'd been on the prep course which was a 2 month wait, then we had to wait for a vetting visit before we could put in an official application. It's been nearly a year for us from the first phone call and were only halfway through home study. 

I'd try to fill your time with lots of other things to look forward to and expect the process to take at least a year and if things happen sooner then it's a bonus. We said that it'll probably take 2 years from prep course to having a child placed and were working to that and if it happens sooner then great!!! But if not then that's just how it is. 

Yes it can be very very slow, but not for everyone xxxx


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## kaz29 (Nov 4, 2006)

Hi,
I'm not sure if all LAs are the same, but ours and one of the nearby LAs had adoption open evenings which had lots of information and gave us a chance to speak to a social worker and get some answers to our specific questions before we began the process. They also took our details which made it a little easier when we did decide to go ahead as we were already 'in the system'. 
Perhaps if you can find any information on the websites it may be worth emailing over the weekend to ask them about open evenings? 
Good luck
Kaz


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## Treaco (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi not all LA are like that.  When I phoned to enquire initially the SW I spoke to was more than happy to answer any questions I had, they then sent me the information pack out and invited us to an information evening where we could go and find out more information.  At the infomation evening we were given a pack and a dvd to take home to decide if we wanted to continue, after that we then called them and they arranged for a SW to come out for our initial home visit.  This was all started in September and we're going on prep course in January for 2 days and after that we can put in our application.


At the information evening out LA told us the whole process for adoption should be shorter and when the SW came out to see us in December he told us that we should know if we had been accepted by November/December this year but that was him going on the assumption we wouldn't be doing prep till March so hopefully we could find out sooner. 


I would call and try and speak to someone else or call the national number you have been given.  You would think they would be wanting to give you the information you asked about to try and encourage people instead of putting them off at the start.


We're in Glasgow.


Good luck.xx


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi Jensw


I can hear the frustration and annoyance in your post and I feel for you but if you are frustrated now just making phone enquiries then I would have a long think about whether adoption is the way you want to progress.  It is the most invasive, long, frustrating process you will ever go through and all for valid reasons. Adoption world runs at its own speed with its own rules and its nothing like our everyday lives run!! Don't forget when you ring an adoption team the person that answers the phone is normally one of the social workers who you might end up going through homestudy with, they might have just popped in the office or are just on there way out, they normally have a very small team with a high workload so if you haven't had a brilliant first impression it wont be what they intended.

Having said all that in answer to your question, yes it is a hard process and they will dissect every inch of your lives but you have to keep your eye on the prize and know it will all be worth it when you have your child in your arms.  

I started the process in March 2011 waited 11 months for a prep course then jumped ship to another L.A got a prep course straight away and am now matched and start intros end of this month, all in all the whole process will have taken 23 months when my daughter comes home!! 

To offer a well known phrase "Keep calm and carry on"!!  

Very best wishes for your future


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Thank you funnychic.

It is very fustrating when you have put lots of thought into it and want to start... I read from lots of posts about getting a feel for agencies... and so far I cant talk to them.  I am never rude to the people on the phone as fully appreciate they will be deciding our fate in this case.  I was just excited about getting the ball rolling and in the context of a working day, I know we our all busy in our daily lives... its hard to make these initial enquiries and I can just book a mornings holiday to make calls, so was just a little upset.  I will however we will be trying again next week and being the process of rigour and endurance!!!

I am so glad the porcess has worked for you and hope one day to be as fortunate xx  

------------------------
Hi Traeco

Thank you for your reply! Those are the things I am wanting to find out and go along too.... they have no dates of info evenings etc on their website, so want to get us along to those.  Sounds like things are now moving for you and reaching the first pivotable point in the process.

I guess it is different for everyone and takes the time it takes.

Just the beginnings of a different journey.

xxxx

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Thanks Kaz and sparkle for your replies too.  Wishing you both luck with your future studies and journey.... and hoefully the end of one and the start of a new adventure xx


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## Guest (Jan 12, 2013)

Hi

It's so frustrating, been there!! It's a feeling of "we have spare bedrooms, love etc etc !"  I never thought the process would take so long as we felt that we have so much to give and will make suitable parents which we will.  We never thought it would take sooooo long, but after going to groups etc i can see why it does. 

However, lack of response from agencies is not right, I can remember calling them quite frequently to get just an update!! I would certainly try the new gateway number. We had a gut feeling with the right agency, and don't forget it has to be right for you both also.xxx


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Thanks Dinks!

I know we will get there.  Shall try the number on Monday and do some recalling.

It needs to be right for everyone... lots at steak.

Hope things have worked out for you and your family and are now moving forward xx


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## Guest (Jan 12, 2013)

We've had a tough time and going to panel in a few months, keep going! We tend to focus on the fact that we can do this and a little one needs us. 

It's a tough journey but am sure it's worth it!


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## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

Hi, depending on the phone you have BAAF have just launched an app which has some quite useful info on it, it's got a list of all the agencies on it as well. I think it's in support of the new single point of contact for new people looking into adoption. It's on the AppStore at 
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/baaf/id573552848?mt=8

I'd advise you to go to as many info meetings as poss and also to see when each la or va training courses are, everyone is different and some might want you to do the prep course first and others like ours you do the course as 3 separate days and do the home study alongside. With regards as to how long you have to wait until after treatment then again this varies between each individual agency. I'm pretty sure that the timeframe is more to do with when you formally apply and there's lots to do before you get to this stage, so don't let this put you off &#128516; good luck.

Summer Girl x

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