# New here and desperately seeking support



## melmel (Dec 4, 2010)

hi there,
firstly i would like to say, just how gratefull i am for this site and thankyou to all those that make this happen......
I didn't realise just how isolated ivf would make me feel!!!........

erm , ok, so where do i start....a bit about me i guess........

hi, my name is mel, i am 34, i have been married for just over a year now to a wonderful wonderful man(he is my rock) We moved to Cornwall last year, which has been amazing for us, we are very happy......,But  sadly, i now live miles and miles away from my family and friends, which is tough!, and to be honest because of the nature of my job i have not had chance to make new friends down here  
We went through our first lot of ivf this summer, which sadly didnt work   
And because of " the above"  i found it to be a very difficult, lonely, isolating, sad, bla bla bla... time...
I didn't respond to the medication first time round and also as a result of recent blood tests, it shows i  also dont produce eggs so well....
I knew in my teens, because of medical problems, that i would struggle to have a family ( and i am one of those woman that wants so desperately to have children)
Over the years I have had a few ops  for dif levels of cervical cancer and i suffer ( pretty badly) with endo. It seems to me like endless problems down there, its always something!!!!
Amazingly, i fell pregnant about 4 yrs ago with a previous partner, but sadly it turned out to be ectopic, they caught it just in time!!!!
So,so far its not been so good.............
OK
We are just about to start round 2 of ivf. This time all my meds are being squashed up into about 2 weeks, starting my injections 2 days before new yrs eve!!!! ( guess whos seeing this new yrs in on orange juice!!!!  )
So, thats me, thats where i am.....
I really could do with some support ....and it would be great to make some friends too......
I think this reads quite blunt and i am really sorry for that i think its my nerves, i am not a shy person at all, but i think my feelings around all this are super shy.....
thanks for taking the time to read this,
have a beautifull day..
mel xxx


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## louise36 (May 18, 2010)

Goodmorning Mel!

Hope youre well this morning and sorry to hear about your situation. Its so tough isnt it and you definatley feel lonely and isolated even when there are people around its tough so it must be difficult away from home.  We are about to embark on our third cycle in Jan and this time we're not telling anyone as to be honest I cant handle people asking me hows it going etc, also 2 of my closest friends are pregnant and i cant handle them asking me whilst nursing a bump!

It does help coming on here and you dont feel quite so alone. My last cycle was squashed into 2 weeks too as Im low amh which was discovered after our first failed cycle.  I try to take myself out of the situation and think what would i say to one of my friends if they were in my shoes and I would tell them to keep going and only focus on whats going on in their life not everyone elses (i.e everyone getting preggars!).

We are looking at egg donor if this next cycle fails (we've only been given a 5-10% chance with my eggs).

I hope you feel a little less isolated as youre not alone.

Take care

Zxxxxx


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## melmel (Dec 4, 2010)

Hi Zen,
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply to me, Goodness its like a real weight has been taken from my shoulders, knowing i am not so alone with all this any more.  
So it sounds like i may be in a similar situation as yourself.... i am not so good with the language on here yet, so please wots amh stand for?? 
We have been told that if this next cycle isn't successfull, we may have to look into alternatives??!! but to be honest, i have to keep it in the day, lets get through this next cycle first.
I know what you mean about being around pregnant friends, its real tough aye....
When i fell those few yrs back, 3 of my closest friends back home fell pregnant to, it was great, they would all go to nusery together etc etc etc and then the ectopic happened.... I couldnt even be near my friends for quite awhile... 
Now i am on the ivf road and they have either had a second bab or a planning, sometimes i think its a blessing that i dont live in my home town anymore, dont get me wrong, i miss all my frinds n family soooo much but i know it would drive me crazy being around them.....and how on earth do u tell them that!!!!!
Well a big big thankyou once more,
wishing u well xxx
mel xxx


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## louise36 (May 18, 2010)

Hi melmel

Sorry AMH is where they measure your ovarian reserve i.e how many eggs you have left. Its a hormone that is in your ovaries and apparantly the less you have the likelihood is that you have less eggs left (than someone around your age with an average amh reading). It cant however test for egg quality only egg quantity but they figure that the less eggs you have left the less likely they are to be of good quality.  However, its not 100% accurate women with really low AMH have conceived and like i say it doesnt test for egg quality only quantity, and it is quality that counts. Phew, hope I got all that right! Im such a fertility geek these days!

Youre so right to take it one step at a time otherwise your mind will run away with you. Im the same and have to rein myself in some days so i dont obsess with "what ifs".

I hope it all works out for you, each cycle they learn something new and adjusting your drugs could do the trick.

Lots of love

Zxxxxx


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

to FF!

Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too, lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*Endo ~ *CLICK HERE

* Negative Cycle Follow up Questions ~ *CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

*Keep a diary of your treatment ~ * 
CLICK HERE

Board for Cornwall, you're bound to meet someone close by, going through the same emotions as you  http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=223.0

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


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## baby1day (Dec 5, 2010)

Hi, I am new to this site and was recommended it by someone at work and through help on this site and recommendations they are now proud parents to a baby girl (they went abroad).  You will be amazed how many people you do come across who are on IVF. On my floor at work there are quite a few as it turns out, my sister in law, 3 close friends struggled and caught using Chlomid and another girl at work has just had twins with the help of chlomid too..  and all these I have said to them not to delay and wait and request referral but I hate to say it, it does make you bitter that the tablets worked for them and I am still here trying.  I started IVF at 24, I am now 39 and was told at 28 I was early menopause and producing no eggs.  At 30, my first egg donation IVF, i fell pregnant but miscarried at 9 weeks. It took me till the start of this year to get the money and waiting for a donor and had another go. The eggs died before they were put back in and what grieves me, they say that they can keep the £4200 it cost. I argued the case and they put it as a aborted cycle and so I had a %% of the money back. I am now dying to have my own baby but scared of paying out and loosing the money with doing egg share in this country. So I am now thinking of going abroad. I just feel that in this country on egg sharing, the donor does keep the better follicles/first choice and then the recipient (me) has the left overs depending on the quality whereas abroad I think you get the best follicles so therefore better chance of success??  Whilst I moan, I also feel slightly hard done by because the majority of the cost for having egg donation, the cost is mostly paying for the actual egg donor so they get cheaper rates but us women who need the eggs have to pay alot more... just seems unfair..  All the IVF confuses me but I really want to go abroad next time, I don't know how to do it and plus I need to try and scrape the money together to do it all as well. 
I do hope your wish come true and sorry if my story is slightly on the depressing side but you're not alone..  life is unfair and I really wish the NHS was more sympathetic to us women out here.. 

fingers crossed for you xx


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## nicci t (Nov 30, 2010)

Hi Melmel,

It's a bloomin' hard slog isn't it. Like you I have found this site fab and has helped keep me sane. Good to see Zen has sent you a post! Much love to Zen  . It must be hard not having your friends and family close. I haven't told my friends and family but there on hand if I changed my mind. Sometimes it is nice to have a hug off someone and a bit of reassurance. You will just have to put up with love, hugs and support off us instead, chick!! I am sorry if you have probs translating my posts but I am from Liverpool and have a tendency to type as I would talk!!! Ha  
I am on Chlomid at the moment but was told by Dr I needed IVF. I was a bit shocked so starting myself on Chlomid to get my head ready for the IVF route. I think you are a little trooper and you should be really proud of your ability to cope. I can only imagine what you are going through and how you are feeling but you have plenty of lovely people to give support on here. I use the Liverpool Womens thread which has been good. Lots of knowledgable supportive ladies. What clinic are you at? 
So although I am a fertility virgin in comparison to some I am a good listener and here if you want a rant! Zen and I do about our friends!! hahahaha!!!
SO I am sending you a huge-amus hug and lots of wishes for a new year filled with luck, love and happiness and dirty nappies!

Nic xxx


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## melmel (Dec 4, 2010)

hi nicci t
its sooo good to get a reply from u, u really have put a smile on my face 
this place really is filled with oodles n oodles of support n love and you have shown me that...   
it just keeps giving and giving, my gratitude also keeps getting bigger n bigger 
Zen was the first one to reply to me on here, so i will always remember her and am so thankfull to her 
I look forward to meeting up with u guys in the chat rooms xxx

I am at a clinic in cornwall, the only one i think ...lol
i have posted on the cornwall  thread and am jus waiting a reply now, am soo hoping to meet some peeps going through the sama sama..
It sounds like we all have very different journeys in this but at the same time, we r all peas in a pod!!!
and believe me i am soo happy to find out i am a pea in your pod....  
once again, thanks xxxx
xxxmelxxx
oh ps
am still not sure how this site works will it notify u that i have replied to u here?
ermmm i will send u a private message to let u know just in case....


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## nicci t (Nov 30, 2010)

Hey Melmel,

How's it going chick? Hope you are good? Any plans for the weekend? X factor tonight so I wont be budging. 
Just thought I would check how you are getting on!! Ive been on a two day low which was instigated by watching Coronation street this week and then I was crying for anything and everyone!! Ha! I have had a really bad back so a few tears may have been due to pain especially when I was scraping the ice off the car, aow! Think Christmas can generally be a hard time of year and you start to think about children and what the New Year has in stall.... I have put our order in with Father Christmas so keeping fingers crossed that we have our Christmas wish in 2011. 
Sending huge hugs


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## melmel (Dec 4, 2010)

hey nicci t
hows it going
Been really busy with flippin xmas parties at work all weekend, but luckily  2 days off now to finish crimbo shopping...
sorry to hear u have been having a few down days.....n i hope u are feeling better now.... 
I know what u mean about  xmas..... i hate it and always have....
all my siblings have children now so its all about "the grandchildren at grandmas house"....to be honest i get quite resentful and jealous of them this time of year....(is it wrong to feel that way)
lol, and watch me go......ivf over xmas and spending it with the family to     
I have managed to avoid the last 3 yrs by buggering off to asia every winter...
Because i live so far away from all my friends n family i have been trying to sort out a get together while i am back......
But its not working out as i hoped?!!!!?
They all seem to busy for me!!!
To be honest i feel like screaming at them all.......".OI, i am jus about to start another round of ivf.....WHAT ABOUT ME?"
but i wont, cos i am not like that, but i bloody feel like it......lol
Goodness, look at me rant lmao..
well sweetness i hope your feeling better this week, and jus maybe my rant has made u laugh, so thats a good thing   
lots of love
big big wishes
mel xxxxx


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## still a mum (Jul 31, 2010)

hi mel welcome hun x

i know exacly how u feel my family all live 200 miles away from me and they r always 2 busy for me lol!
i have 5 sis and 2 bro's and they all have children (22 in total) so i am the only childless 1   .

this site is a god's send and the ladies r fab x 

hope ur ivf goes well hun x enjoy xmas x


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## Angs (Jul 4, 2010)

Hello melmel,

How are you feeling? It really is tough isn't it! I'm dreading this xmas, as my best friend has just had a baby, and my other v.close friend is 4 months pregnant. We're all supposed to be going out next week and all of them have babies. Really don't know if I can sit through all the baby talk!!

I'm finding it all really tough! I've been sent home from work 3 times! Blubbing like a baby in my boss's office! Luckily she's been fab!

Have you started your treatment yet? I just got my dates, and will be starting Suprecur injections on jan 4th.

This time of year is tough for us isn't it! I really hope you're feeling o.k about your treatment! Just be kind to yourself! Come on this site and rant as much as you want!! Sending you    .

Angs xx


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