# Coping with Christmas



## Debs

​
For some of us Christmas can be one of the hardest times of the year.

Dreams of what could be and what should have been seem even harder than usual.

We dont have a magic wand on FF but we do have each other 

If you are struggling, then share it with your friends on here and between us all we can help each other along.
*
Remember:*

* You dont have to do anything you dont want to do (its your Christmas too)

* Make time for you and your other half to do something nice and spoil each other (not necessarily £wise but just some extra you time)

* If you need to buy presents for children ...... do it online or buy vouchers 

* Tell people that you are struggling - most of them will understand (although we all know there are some that wont  but you just have to shout louder to them!)

* Gatherings including children - again you dont have to go  but if you do feel you have to go, then show your face for as long as you can deal with and make your exit.

* Remember it wont always be like this  For some of you, you will get your dream one day  For some of us though we wont  but you will gain strength and find ways to move forward with your lives one way or another (and I do say this from experience and you are more than welcome to join us on the moving on board for tips on doing this).

The Team here at FF hope with all their hearts that you all will have a good Christmas one way or another ........ but remember we are here if you need us.

Love

Debs xxx


(and before anyone asks - I know the board ive posted in is supposed to be non tx related ...................... but we wanted to make sure this post was here and accessible for everyone  )


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## Stubborn

Thank you for that.  
It helps to know I am not a nutter for feeling the way I do.

I wish a calm and heartache-free Christmas to everyone on FF


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## Betty-Boo

Thank you Debs   


finding this one particularly hard .. So reassuring that somewhere my feelings are normal.


   


Mini xxx


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## justone

Hi there,
So identify with Christmas being hard...    Finding this Christmas particularly hard.    DH and I are hoping to embark on our 3rd ICSI cycle early next year, hopefully in Jan.       Both of us feeling very down.    We both had a DN born recently so between us we now have 24 DN and DN aged between 19 y.o. and 2 weeks!  Extended family get-togethers are particularly difficult.   
I'm amazed how insensitive colleagues can be too!    One of mine (let's call him Bill) recently made a big scene of another colleague (let's call her Christine). As a "joke" Bill congratulated Christine for being pregnant (she isn't!!!!) while I was right next to her!!!!!


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## CKay

What a good idea think I might be here over the hols -    all CKay xx


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## Purple Star

So glad I found this! It's reassuring to see I'm not the only one who feels like this, although I wish none of us had to feel like it   

Thanks for all those tips Debs. I especially appreciate the 1st one as I feel so guilty when I avoid social situations that I find difficult, but what's the point of doing things that upset us? IF is a difficult enough journey without making it harder for ourselves.

I usually love Christmas but just want it to be over and done with this year. I can't even bring myself to decorate the house or buy any presents   

Lots of    to everyone
xx


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## SuzieW

Hi Everyone!

Let's be Scrooges together    

I find Christmas such an accute reminder of yet another year having gone by and last year you were sure it would have worked by now.... bah humbug.

It's not helped by the types of 'friends' who come out with comments like "Christmas isn't the same until you have children" - errr thanks. We're not helped by the fact that we are most definitely "in the closet" - only a very small number of close family members know our situation, so we just come across as being awkward and antisocial by avoiding social situations and being generally grumpy about Christmas.

I'm sure we'll be talking more, but wishing you all a restful and low-stress late December


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Ive only just found this thread and Im so glad I have! Ive been finding this Christmas particularly hard and have been feeling very scrooge like.  I just want to get it out of the way so we can move on to our next cycle of treatment. I know Im wishing my life away but Christmas is so hard when you have fertility issues isnt it??!!! Its so nice to know that Im not the only one feeling this way. Hubby has just told me off for being so miserable and for hiding away from everyone but I cant face seeing friends with children and Im so fed up of people making insensitive comments. 

Think I will be visiting here regularly over the festive period. 

Love and hugs to everyone

xxxx


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## Purple Star

Penelope, my DH sometimes gets frustrated that I don't want to go to things we have been invited to, but right now I just feel like hiding away. I know he only wants what's best for me and thinks that keeping busy will help 'take my mind off things', but it really isn't what I want. And let's face it, IF is never far from our minds!

SuzieW, we are the same in that not many people know. I am fed up of the question we always get, 'when are you two going to have kids?' Normally I mutter something about wanting to get a bit further on at work before taking a career break, but sometimes I have the overwhelming urge to reply, 'urm.. maybe when I start ovulating and DH's sperm count increases dramatically' or 'well, it depends on whether our third cycle of IVF works or not'. I would never say that, but part of me would love to  

justone, how insensitive, can't believe he said that!    I am just about to start my 3rd cycle and all being well should be down regging over Christmas. I can't wait for January to be here so I can get cracking.

Hi to everyone else, debs, stubborn, mini minx, ckay. Hope you are all doing ok  

I've got my works Christmas do tomorrow so time to plaster on the 'happy, festive face'!

xx


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## disco

Evening ladies, I've just found this thread - hope it's ok to jump on board  

Purple Star - hello again...I recognise you from cycle buddies, how are you?  

I got  a BFN this morning after first round of IVF and am dreading Christmas... it kicks off this weekend with a friends get together, all except us who have children. This year is going to be really difficult. 

SuzieW - I feel a bit scrooge like...I used to love Christmas but this year I want it over and done with already!

Penelope - I want to hibernate and hideaway...and I've been thinking about faking an illness so I don't have to go out! Have become quite comfy living in my pjs past few weeks at times  

Hi to Justone. CKay, Mini Minx, Stubborn and Debs  

Love to all,
X


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## Purple Star

Oh disco, so sorry about your bfn, it really is such a heartbreaking thing to deal with    I haven't been on the winter wonders thread for a little while but you are all still in my thoughts. I'm doing ok thanks; should start down regging for my FET next week. I'm   one of these frosties is the one. Regarding your get together this weekend, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not going if you feel it is too much. You need to take time for yourself and do what is best for you. I'm totally with you on the pjs, I put mine on the moment I get home from work  

Lots of love xx


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## Debs

Oh girls im sending you all a big fat  

Im glad you are finding this thread helpful ......... just wish there wasnt a need for it  

Love n hugs to you all.

Debs xxx


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## Kitty71

Hi ladies,

Can I join you? 

Debs I like your first point "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." 

I think sometimes to protect your own sanity you have to be a bit selfish and do what you need to do to get through it. My DP and I live with our in laws right now    because we're saving for a deposit but we are hiring an apartment over christmas to get away from it all. We're not going far but I won't be doing any visiting and will probably spend all day in my pjs    I can't face the little ones and there are even twin nieces who are 3 on Christmas day!! 

So I'll be stuffing my face with turkey and chocolate and watching crap TV but I'll be as happy as possible. I won't feel guilt and if anything I'm saving them all from seeing me mope around.

I hope we all find a bit of peace this christmas. 11 sleeps and it's all over.

xxxxx


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## mclou

HALLELUJAH!!!! i knew i find others who feel the same and understand.
i know people really dont realise that things they say are upsetting. i know they dont mean it. but sometimes it literally feels like being wacked with a baseball bat.
about a month ago i was quite excited about christmas and was looking forward to the holidays. now i feel like i want it to be january.  we are starting icsi in january so we are both thinking about that all the time. trying to be careful with food, alcohol, caffiene etc etc etc and christmas and visiting family doesn't make that easy. 
i opened a christmas card the other day and inside was a little wooden angel covered in glitter. my 2 year old niece had made it for my christmas tree. i just cried because i want to be making decorations with children of my own. i want glitter and glue all over the table.  i feel like i cant say to my mum or family that it upset me because they would think they just can't get anything right. i was very touched to get the homemade angel and lovely glittery card but sometimes  everything is a reminder of what is missing.  
sending you all love and hugs.

mclou x x  x x x x x


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## Purple Star

Kitty, your plans sound perfect   We thought about hiring a cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but decided to do the family thing in the end.

Mclou, I feel the same about my nieces, I love them to bits but it's a bittersweet feeling when I spend time with them. I love being an auntie but I'm desperate to be a mum.

Love to all xxx


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## Vickytick

Hi Ladies.

I too stumbled on this and so glad I did.

I used to love Christmas but after ttc I find it very bittersweet. This is not helped at all by the fact that I m/c at 12 weeks on Christmas Eve last year a day after my 12 week scan showed I had lost the 'miracle' baby.  I then proceeded to have a complete meltdown on the 'day' itself and ended up visiting the emergency doctor at the hospital to be sedated... Now all I keep thinking is that I should be welcoming my baby's first Christmas. Or even be 5 months pregnant following the IVF in July but that failed as well. 

I so wish none of us have to go through this and people's insensitivity (its always the ones you least expect isn't it) does not help. If one more person says relax or I know someone... then I will quite frankly deck them. I've actually started saying I can't have children. It pretty much stops people dead in their tracks and makes them realise how insensitive their question was in the first place. I'm not ashamed of needing IVF and refuse to deny it. I am finding all these babies very hard Christmas isn't the same without children but we have to believe.

So let's hope 2012 is a better year but whatever happens this board is a god send to me so thank you to all the ladies who work on it.

xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

I really dont wish anyone to be going through this but it is so nice to know that there are others who feel exactly the same way. I have been reading through everyone's posts and I can share everyone of those feelings and emotions. We had our first IVF in Sept/Oct and would have been having our 12 week scan today  but it didnt work. We are due to go again in Jan/Feb and I just want Christmas over and done with so that we can start again. Mclou, we too are being careful with food and drink etc and it is hard when visiting family, if one more person says to me 'why dont you just realx and have a drink, it wont make that much difference will it?' I think I will scream!!! 

Vickytick, I am completely fed up with people say 'I know someone'. I know that they think they are being helpful but they arent!!! 

Every Christmas I say to my hubby 'this time next year we will be parents' I feel like Im turning into Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses!!! 

We will have to visit friends and their little ones soon to drop off presents and Im dreading it. To top it off 4 of my colleagues are pregnant at the moment and on the one hand I hate being around them as it just reminds me of what joy they have to come and on the other hand I find myself staring at their bumps with fasinaction and awe as if they are some higher being that I will never be.    

Roll on 1st January everybody!!!!

xxxxx


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## Shellebell

Another year I am posting on this thread    I love Xmas in some ways, but the shopping for 4 grown nieces, 2 great nephews and 3 god children breaks my heart every year    


The funny thing is I can put on all the fake smiles and 'cope' by taking time for myself over xmas day/boxing day, it's New Year that I tend to break down more


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

Can i join you also.. So glad i stumbled across this thread.

We really thot this year was our year sadly it wasnt to be.. Keep thinking if our ivf had of worked i would have my wee bundle...

On the plus side ive 2 beautiful nieces who are 7 months old..Maybe with dad taking ill things happen for a reason..

We are hoping to start our 2nd round of ivf in January and are up on the 12th to get our schedule..

Ladies you are all truly wonderful girls and hopefully some day our dreams will come true.

Jillyhen xx


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## Kitty71

Ladies we're down to 10 sleeps now.

I'm including boxing day    deep breaths!!!! We'll get through it. 

xxx


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## (hugs)

Evening all am i ok to join all you lovely ladies? 

i recognise Disco and Purple Star from Winter Wonders hows you to?  

well this whole IVF journey has been tuff and I'm so glad to have found this thread as i seem to be alone in what I'm going through! me and DH embarked on our first IVF cycle in November well was praying for a BFP and my AF arrived even before my OTD i am devastated   to say the least with all the odds stacked it looked really good, I'm disappointed in my clinic as when i told them AF arrived they told me to carry on with the lovely pessaries for two more days so this morning confirmed again that it was a negative, my clinic have offered counselling so Ive taken them up on there offer when i went to fill the form out not even one of the nurses came out to say anything!! 
i have some icebabies so looking at fet in Jan/Feb now hope 2012 will be all our year  

hmmm about looking forward to Christmas it will be alot of drinking, eating and fake smiles, my DH came in yesterday and told me that his mum had invited us there on boxing day which they have a massive family kids and everything i sounded horrible as i said i wasn't going but i cant force myself to sit there when there all playing happy families giggling and enjoying there self's when i feel angry and mad and just want to be left at home to


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## Purple Star

Evening everyone, and a huge   to all.

hugs, I'm so sorry about your bfn   As I said to disco all of the lovely winter wonder ladies are still in my thoughts, and I was   you would all get the bfp you deserve. I hope one of your icebabies comes good for you.

kitty, I'm liking the countdown!  

jillyhen, hello   I really hope your next cycle is the one  

Shellebell, I'm yet to buy presents for my two nieces, I'm putting off having to go into those types of shops. I wish I had been more organised and done it on line. I'm looking forward to saying good riddance to 2011 and   that 2012 is the year for all of us.

vickytick, I too get annoyed when one of the few people we have actually told bring out the 'I know someone story'. I know they are only trying to help, but it doesn't.  

Lots of love to all xxxx


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## roxcooper

Hey Everyone...

Im going through the same 

Big hugs to eveyone!   we will get through this christmas!

xxxx


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## justone

Hi again. Just bookmarking! Sending each and every one of you massive


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## SuzieW

It'll all be done and dusted one week from now  

Bah humbug!

Suzie x  

PS: I know someone who knows someone who's Dad's neighbour's dog's brother's owner's boss' wife got pregnant on her 43rd go of ivf after eating nothing but cadburys creme eggs and Doritos  . Is that helpful?


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## Purple Star

Susie, yes that's very helpful thank you- haha!  

Hope everyone has a good week, only two more days at work left for me  

xx


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## Vickytick

Susie - you know I think I may know that person as well. I'm sure my Aunt twice removed daughter's cousin was her best friend- LOL    xx

Ladies only a few days to go then we can look forward to either a nice calm year or some more treatment. xxx

Love to all 

xx


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

Suzie 

You have made me laugh.. I wonder if there is any truth lol if so i should have 12-15 babies by now..

Jillyhen


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## Katie Kate

Love that Suzie! 
I think my friends sister knows that person too!
As Xmas is "all about the kids really" I'm just going to get drunk and eat cream eggs


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## Nordickat

Hi, 

Can I join the anti-Christmas party too? Can I also moan about New Year as well? I find that almost as hard as Christmas. Every year we toast to a new and better year ahead and it never is any better, usually worse in fact. Maybe this New Year will be better because I already know that 2012 is going to be hell so I´ll be toasting 2013! Sorry, thats all a bit woe is me. I only got my BFN last week so its still raw and I´ll chirp up soon.

Love the thought of getting drunk and eating cream eggs by the way   

 Kitty

With love, Kat - the ultimate scrooge


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## Penelope Pitstop

Yeay to the fact that it will all be over and done with by this time next week!!! 

Nordikcat, I agree, New Year is almost as bad a Christmas. Cant stop myself from saying,'next year will be our year' only to be faced with yet more disappointment and heart ache!!! So sorry to hear that you got your bfn recently .

Keeping in the spirit of things, hubby bought be a fantastic xmas card, which said f**k xmas on the front, it then opens to show a snowman giving everyone the middle finger and then on the back the snowman is being eaten by ravid beavers!!! He saw it and thought of me!!!

xxxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

p.s.Suzie  I love the "I know someone" story, it did make me chuckle!!! It drives me made when people say "I know someone"!!!!


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## (hugs)

Evening Ladies  

Penelope the card you got sounds ace wish my DH would get me a card like that...lol 

Nordikcat and penelope yeah new year is also another day i want out of the way i will also be toasting and saying 2012 will be my year!! bloody hope so   i also got my BFN last weds as AF showed up before OTD witch would of been tomorrow   some days are harder than others heres to plenty of food and booze out with the odd and in with the new  

big hello to all the other ladies


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## Jillyhen

Hey fellow humbugs!!

Love the card Penelope.. Sounds like summit my hubby will by..

Im still gettin have you had any investigations and tried clomid!!! Erm been there and done that..

I will just stuff myself with doritos..

Jillyhen


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## A J

Hi ladies,
Can I join you please for a bit of support at this time of year?
I really will be so glad when the day is over. What is it with people that everything revolves around this one day (I know I am a Christian and realise that it is an important day) but why oh are we all expected to be full of cheer, spend loads of money, and make such a damn fuss?

I know I am being a bit scrooge like but I cant help it. It always seems like its Christmas when m/c or failed ivf has happened, at least for the last 3 years anyway plus the others in between.

Just had an early m/c after a DEivf, exhausted and really disillusioned. Am on the pill again for a few more days and just had down reg injection before lining build up next week prior to FET early January. I really cant get up any hope for this, I know I should. I suppose in a little way it is going to help me get through the next week as I am trying to do something again, just feeling resentful and jealous of all the people I know who have had children this year while I'm still waiting. 

Reading this I'm really feeling sorry for myself aren't I...sorry guys...only just joined you.

Anyway, off to eat some chocolate now. I dint care if theres still 5 days to go. I'm going to eat whatever I want and not feel guilty one little bit   

Love and hugs to you all
AJ xxxx


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## Nordickat

AJ

PP -    I love the card 

I´m going Christmas shopping tomorrow and I´m not spending a single penny on anybody except me    ........... I thought that might cure my bah humbugness. Credit card is flexed and ready to go


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## Shellebell

Can I just vent on here for a few mins           


I've had enough of pregnancies/scans and new babies on ******** today which have really wound me up    
(well apart from one, a FFer that has been waiting soooo long for bubba and today found out its a    )


You never get just one picture or comment, you get one after the other after the other from the same person.


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## (hugs)

vent away shellebell i totally understand were your coming from when i found out that i got a BFN last week, a girl that i went to school with announced she was 14weeks pregnant last week GUTTED i wouldn't mind if she really wanted a baby but it really   me off when all she had to do was look at a guy and she has a bun in the oven thats what she posted her own words !


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## A J

Shellebell hun, Im with you on that one. ******** does my head in. Do people seriously think we want to see a scan that they have just had done? PLEASE
Get that rant out girl, makes you feel so much better. I want to scream at people constantly. Seems like everyone in work is getting pregnant...sick of hearing about it all. 

Nordickat, I did exactly the same on Saturday....shopping for me.
Cant wait for the sales too...love it!!

Enjoy your shopping trip and happy self spending and spoiling to us all hee, hee!!   Dont we deserve it? 

AJ xx


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## Katie Kate

Totally agree- here's to a better 2012.... Didn't i say last year that 2011 would be our year? X


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## Penelope Pitstop

You rant away Shellebelle!!!I am no longer on ******** as couldnt cope with all the scan pics and pregnancy announcements. Its just as bad at work at the moment though as 4 women are pregnant, cant wait to have some time off just to get away from them!!!

You spend away Nordikcat, we deserve some pampering after all!!!

Jillyhen, I got told the other day by a work colleague who doesnt even know that we need IVF that if I was tying for a baby and having difficulties that I should try this new multivitamin that replaces IVF!!! Silly me....that must be what Ive been doing wrong all this time!!!!! People say such silly things dont they??!!!

xx


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## Purple Star

As the others have said Shellebell, rant away!! I must confess that I 'un-friend' people as soon I see a big announcement. I can't face the daily updates/ scan pics etc so figure it's best to get rid of them! That must make me sound so anti social!   I'm thinking of deactivating my account as getting fed up with ******** in general.

Nordickat, enjoy the shopping  

PP, love the sound of that card! 

AJ   so sorry to hear about your m/c. I really hope this FET is the one  

Lots of love to all xxxxxx


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## Purple Star

PP, cannot believe your colleague said that!! That's given me a right giggle   Maybe I won't bother with this cycle, I'll just pop to boots for some of those magic pills!

xx


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## disco

Evening ladies, hope we are well

Would just like to join in the rant...      bad times    

I have been trying soooo hard to keep it together since BFN last week. Yesterday I survived friends Christmas get together with children running around....every year I think "this time next year..." 

Today I had someone at work asking after  a work colleague who has just had a baby and after smiling and telling her how lovely the baby is, I was then asked "aren't you interested in having one?" ..."Interested? Of course I'm f***ing interested you idiot!!" that's what I wanted to say, not what I said of course. "Oh, you know, I like other peoples" was the real response. How crap.  

Christmas is also extra hard because my father was diagnosed with cancer having spent a week in hospital just before Christmas 6 years ago, though it feels like only yesterday. We lost him 7 months later but I always feel worse in December more so than July when he passed away. But as well as struggling with that, equally difficult is coping with my mother who is very depressed and VERY dependent on me..and coming to stay with DH and me this Christmas. DH is fab, I'm so lucky, but this year I just want to hide under the duvet and reappear in about Feb/March ready for IVF round 2. 

Apologies for the rant....just had to let it out. 

On the subject of shopping, I went late night shopping on Friday and bought nothing for other people, all clothes for myself!!! 

Love and hugs to all, we can get through this.
X


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## SuzieW

Grrr don't get me started on ********!    It's full of smug people shouting "look how great everything is for me!" "look at my amazing kids!" "I'm so fertile - check me out!"  I had to cancel my account a few months ago as I was getting depressed and angry by it on a daily basis and falling out with people like my sister as she kept "liking" my friends' baby pictures or comments from my pregnant sister in laws about going shopping for baby things.  It's surprising (and a little bit disappointing) that most people haven't even noticed I've gone - just goes to show how wrapped up in their own little worlds they are.

Disco - sorry you have double reason to hate this time of year   and must be hard supporting your mum when you're in a low yourself xx

PP - got to get me some of those magic pills!  They sound amazing! 

(hugs) - I get so angry at the people who get pregnant so effortlessly.  Especially when they then complain about it or about how tough pregancy is... if they knew what the alternative was like...  

Kat - Retail therapy is definitely the way to go - don't spend a penny on anyone else  

AJ - love the card - describes exactly how I'm feeling!  

Hi Purple, KK, Shellebell, Jillyhen, Vicky, Justone, Rox, Kitty and anyone else browsing  

AFM: I'm working abroad at the moment which on the one hand is nice as they don't celebrate Christmas here so I'm spared the constant reminders, tinsel and Christmas carols, but on the other hand I'm having a bit of a sh!tty time here - don't know anyone and not getting any down time from work for any me time (working til 11 last night, straight to be no tea then back in office for 8 this morning  ) so I'm feeling a bit more sorry for myself than normal!  Trying so hard to stay upbeat (in general), but it's hard at times isn't it?  I fly home on Christmas Eve - can't wait to see DH and to sleep in own bed for a week, so in a weird way I'm kind of looking forward to Christmas, but not for the usual reasons and I don't intend to give it any acknowledgment  

Love and   to all xx


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## Vickytick

Ladies you all just speak what I'm thinking. Christmas is a nightmare which quite frankly can't end quick enough. When I told my SIL that I'd happily not even decorate the house or have a tree if it wasn't for my SS she said 'oh that's awful you'll feel differently when its the day' eh HELLO do you remember last Christmas Eve oh yes that'll be the day I was in hospital losing my 12 wk baby and Christmas Day was the day I lost it so bad I was sedated. Yes I can't wait to be reminded of that..- . No-one seems to have even thought of the anniversary because you know I was only pg it wasn't a 'real baby' so its not the same. Its just hell. When my DH went to a drinks do he was asked why he wasn't drinking so he told them (we're v upfront about IVF). One lady's response 'oh I only have to look at my husband and I get pg its really annoying'!!! Apparently people around were dumbfounded that she made such an insensitive remark.

Television etc its all about babies and children dressed as elves etc and comments such as ' Christmas takes on a new meaning when you have children' I hate that because its suggesting we're lesser people because we don't have them.  you insensitive people.

Rant over. I *do hope* that 2012 is a better year for us all but honestly, for me, I'm not holding out much hope anymore. But its definitely decision year for us - scary.

Xx


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## Kitty71

7 sleeps to go!!!! (that gets us to day after boxing day for good measure) 
Hey fellow Scroogettes,

Well I'm embaressed to say I'm in bed with a terrible hangover after my Christmas do yesterday. I was so dreading all the possible baby/family talk that I let my hair down a little too much when it didn't materialise. Feel so awful and going to blame it all on my recent BFN. Can't even make it downstairs to make something to eat so I've just ordered in Sushi from my bed!!!!

Not much longer now ladies 

Hi Kat 

xxxxx


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## A J

What is it with people and their insensitivities!!   Just reading what some of us have written about what they have had to listen to and OMG there really are some dimwits out there. I know loads myself... 
But why do we have to keep listening to the same old, same old from people who havent got a clue!!

How annoying is tv as well, surely somthing can be non Christmas related? Every channel that I put on has some sort of tinsel, Christmas food or people having a jolly. I dont want to watch this anymore, ******** can get s.....d too. Think I will hibernate in my bed til its all over-if only it was that easy! 

Hope you are all surviving today, 1 day less xx


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## DoodlePip

Hi everyone    can i join you all? So glad to have found this thread as I have been a right misery guts this festive season   


Some people do say the most amazing things and some people are soooo insensitive- it's shocking!
As for ********  - don't even get me started on that one - I've also deleted my account, it was making me so angry - my news feed was just full of scan pictures and photos of new prams     


Anyway not long to go now


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## Lexi2011

Ahh ladies I love this thread, can we start a new one called "I hate ********"

I have deleted my account and simply cannot bear to see one more scan pic, baby pic, status update about what wonderful dads their husbands are when I know they are not!!

Just needed to get that off my chest, roll out 2012 xx


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## Purple Star

Kitty, hope your hangover is better now!  

Susie, you'll definitely be ready for a break after working those long hours!

Disco, sorry to hear about your other reason for finding Christmas hard, lots of  

Vickytick, seriously, that woman thought that was an appropriate response to what your husband said?? I'm gobsmacked! 

Lexi, hello, see you in about an hour!

I think you ladies have inspired me to delete my ** account!

Lots of love to all xxxxx


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## Kitty71

******** could have a thread all of its own   

Also TV advertising. They'll use a baby in everything from carpets to car insurance. And If I ever meet the person who came up with the "mums go to Iceland" slogan, grrrrrrrr!!!!

We'll have to start some new threads after Christmas, it's very cathartic   

Purple star I still have a hangover    DP has run me a bath and is cooking me a full breakfast with chips as we speak so I'll feel human again soon I hope.

Love to all the Scroogettes,

xx


----------



## Purple Star

Kitty, I hate the Iceland advert too! Thought it was just me being over-sensitive but it seems not. Hope the cooked breakfast does the job!

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just wanted to say Hi to my fellow scroogettes!!!

I have just had to endure an evening with my family who can be the worst with their insensitive comments. My cousin turned up with her 1 year old which was hard enough as she is only 22 and the pregnancy was an accident but to top it off she coudlnt even be bothered to look after her own daughter and was letting her wander around my sister's home, clmbing up the stairs etc. It just annoyed me so much but also left me feeling so sad that I may never have my own    

Please ignore me, Im having an emotional 5 mins!! (more than normal anyway!!)

Purple Star, the Iceland advert is awful for those going through this!!! 

AJ I will join you with hibernating, I just want to hide away until we start IVF again in the New Year. 

Kitty how is the hangover after your fry up??!!! Dont blame you for having a blow out we all need it from time to time. I probably would do the same but trying to be good now before starting 2nd cycle. 

Hope I havent missed anyone?

xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

The worst advert for me is the littlewoods one where that (actually very sickly and annoying) little girl sings "my lovely lovely mother" makes me want to smash my tv! 
I'm the same with ******** - the most recent one being 'although it wasnt planned and we weren't sure to start with, I am expecting my third child'. Also hate the 'bump' pictures of people comparing their bumps and if course the scan photos EVERYWHERE 
Not long now guys and it will be over! 
DH and I have decided to spend NYE on out own this year with drinks and food at home. I know if I go out and drink I will get very emotional and don't want to put myself in that position- I don't fe like celebrating such a rubbish year and will use the excuse of being skint  xx


----------



## Nordickat

Hi all,

I reckon by Christmas day this will be one of the busiest threads.

Kitty  HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW? Sorry, i hope shouting didn´t hurt your head  

DoodlePip - I remember you from the dim and distant past. I too am facing my first Christmas knowing that they will all be childless like this one. I feel your pain  

I´m sorry that the rest of you are hurting too 

I have never been on ** for the reasons you all mention and thankfully I´m not in the UK so don´t have to suffer your upsetting adverts. I have also become a complete hermit since my journey began so I´m rarely exposed to any stupid comments. After a small incident at work today my boss suggested I might need some sick leave and should at least start my holiday today ...... and who am I to argue with that  . My shopping trip wasn´t very successful though but I plan on trying agian later this week.

I hope you have all managed to find some peace from the world today.
Katxxx


----------



## Kitty71

Kat your green font colour is very appropriate, describes my condition perfectly.

OMG I forgot the littlewoods ad. I have to change channels when it comes on.

K x


----------



## Kitty71

Good morning Scroogettes  6 sleeps to go!! 

Well I'm nearly back to 100%. My boss is teasing me and luckily most of the people who saw me in my messy state are off today  .

Have a good day everyone and keep the annoying ads coming. I think we can include every breakfast cereal ad apart form Special K 

xx


----------



## SuzieW

Morning Humbugs,

Just wanted to share my fun experience this morning with you:  I had to go and get my residency permit so this consultancy guy came to pick me up and usher me through the proceedings.  In fairness he was trying to be friendly, but couldnt' have picked a worse topic of conversation - it went something like this:
"So..are you married?"
"Yes"
"You have children?"
"No"
"Ah - not yet.  Make sure you make the most of your life now before you have children.  When you have children it changes everything.  My wife - she used to work for big company, but now she has children her life is changed much. Now she does not work..."

It went on like that for some time, then I think he picked up on my silence and decided to give up talking to the 'moody cow'!

Advert wise - it's not a Christmas one, but that famous John Lewis one with the woman in the red dress and "always a woman" as the soundtrack that everyone raves about really upsets me as it's all about the passing of generations - anyone else know what I'm talking about? Getting emotional just thinking about it!!


----------



## Kitty71

And this years John Lewis one with the little boy waiting to give his parents the gift.

Cheers John Lewis!!

x


----------



## SuzieW

Thanks W1nsome - I haven't listened to the show yet, but read the Daily Mail article it referenced and will listen to the show later.  I thought the article summed it up well, although some of the heathen comments below made my blood boil - I reported the top one from Eddie, NY as offensive!!!

Out of interest (and I hope you don't mind me asking) - which clinic did you transfer to to get your BFP?  I was reading your signature and was interested in the fragmentation and immune issues... would be good to know who the experts are in treating cases like that!  Did you use OE or DE in the end?


----------



## Purple Star

Katie kate, I'm so with you on wanting to punch the tv when she sings 'my lovely lovely mother' - arghhhhh it makes my blood boil just thinking about it!! 

Susie, why do people always ask if you have kids when they find out you are married - it drives me mad! 

Hello to everyone else, hope you have had a good day  

Lots of love to all xx


----------



## A J

TV adverts and ******** should come with a health warning  

Hope all scroogettes are doing ok today?

Im feeling really miserable today. Had an interview for a teaching job today which I didnt get. Sick of being a supply teacher thinking to myself, its ok I will be off on maternity leave soon anyway so I dont really want that permanent job. Who am I kidding!??
DH is having his extre 'Christmas day' with his 9 year old son from his first marriage on Christmas eve which really pisses me off. They have always done it the last 5 years since we have been together but it really brings it home that I cant share this special day with a child of my own. 
Really down on one today, sorry guys but I know your on my wavelength and I can let off steam here.

Well, there's always chocolate xxx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ I know how you feel- my DH has a 10 yr old son- from a casual relationship when he was 20 :-( and seeing him enjoying spoiling his son, and his son loving his dad s much is so hard. We have him for Xmas this year and it will be really hard- but of course I will grin and bear it as it's not the poor boys fault! 

Advert wise- there is if course the milk formula one- far too in your face- and the clearblue ovulation one gets on my nerves - but I still thing "my lovely lovely mother" is THE worst!
Hope everyone is doing ok
Xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello everyone!!

Nice to have a Christmas corner to let off some steam.... today has been a bad one.  A *really* bad one...

i) Work is looking a bit dicey at the moment and I'm not sure what I want to do re: jump or be pushed from job.  Anyway, my friend said "What you really need to do is go off and have a baby!" And started laughing because she knows I've been trying for 5 long years... que?  Why? How is this funny  I gave a weak smile...
ii) Christmas card arrived from DH relatives in Canada announcing Aunt's DD was expecting her sixth child on page one
iii) ... and the newlyweds on page two are expecting their first, so everyone is excited...
iv) I work at Littlewoods (not in marketing) and it's full of bloody family Christmas cheer - it's not just the ad!!!     

DH has been great today - allowed me some ranting and told me how wonderfully kind and gorgeous I am and that I shouldn't forget that...

Just wish I didn't have ga-zillions to wrap and pack before going away.  

We are off to my in-laws (all good - I love them - nice and uncomplicated), then onto my severely depressed and suicidal mother, then onto my grieving step-mother & fathers (stepmother's mother died from motor neurone at the start of the month & there are a million family feuds going on)... and then back home.  Everyone on my side of the family is having a rough time - but I haven't told them about my 3rd cycle failing in October.  Not sure how to bring it up, but I feel a bit like I'm propping them up but there is no-one to prop me up, then I feel crap and it all starts again!!  Bit hellish to be honest... but I just keep smiling (weakly) and getting on with it.  Got some more counselling arranged after Xmas which is helping - but just a bit shaky on what having to deal with very emotional people will make me feel like on my return.  I already feel knackered!!  Thank god my sense of humour has remained intact.

So anyway - on with the wrapping (whilst I listen to Jeremy Vine above).... totally agree about adverts, ** and well meaning 'just relax and it will happen' friends.  V annoying...

*draws breath*  Feel better now    Thank you FFs!

  to you all xx

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Mrs P* that's exactly what we are all here for and have all been through. After a couple of years of ttc you feel like everyone is bored of hearing your tales of treatment or they have no idea how to be around you anymore. Its as though you have a terminal illness..

Somehow and someway we're all get through this together

*AJ* - Know exactly how you feel I took redundancy from my job two years ago expecting to be pg so thinking I could use the money for baby things. How wrong was I still ttc and the money is being spent on immunes testing, mri scans etc - they'll be none left by the time we have a baby (  please santa I've been good all year). I have a ss who is 6 and have to watch the whole Daddy at Christmas time thing. Normally I have to get the present and card because his ex says the new partners should (that is her arrangement with her partner and his ex and so on). I hate it because I'm the only 'new' partner without my own child so getting a Daddy card for another child breaks my heart. I want to be doing it for my own child. His ex is a bit insensitive and I won't bore everyone with the tales or crass comments. Although I actually got the present and card from my ss for this mum this year which was a bit too much. 

Its a tough time and I'll be glad when its over and I can go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. I've got a New Year's Eve party to go to and dreading it a bit because we'll get all the usual questions esp as we won't be drinking!!. But we said new year new start so that's what we are going to do.

Talking of adverts if I see the pampers one during the most obscure programmes I'll chop my head off.. 

Huge hugs to everyone  

V
x


----------



## Purple Star

MrsPootle, sending lots of    your way, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment. 

AJ, so sorry you didn't get the job   

I've just arrived at my parent's house for the festivities and am trying really hard to be the fun, bubbly person I used to be, when all I want to do is hide under the duvet and cry   Well only a few days then we will all have got through this.

Lots of of love and   to everyone xxxx

P.S. I deleted my ** account last night - I feel liberated!!


----------



## A J

Just want to say hi to everyone, another day down.
Finished work for the hols today, schools here only breaking up today, seems like the rest of the country have been off since last week. Still, at least I get a few days less trying to fill my time before 'C'day. Amazing how I can spend all day teaching other peoples children and be ok but with SS when its closer to home I fall to pieces.

Im SO tempted to delete my ******** profile but think I may have to chuck the tv away at the same time as it all gets on my nerves.

Feeling so on a different planet at the moment. I had pregnancy hormones 4 weeks ago, been on the pill since miscarriage and just had down regging injection so having menopause symptoms right now. Will be on oestrogen pills next week so a nice hormone shift to look forward to. Oh the joys of fertility!!

Bit of a jumbled post, but thats my head at the moment, no wonder they didnt give me the job. Commiserated with lots of choccies...more to come. At least Crimbo is good for one thing  

Hugs all around     xxx


----------



## Nordickat

((((hugs)))) to all of you. i am sorry things are so hard for so many. life sucks sometimes xxx
its little christmas eve here today so christmas has officially started :-( I am feeling a bit lucky today though as we are are hiding in the mountains and are avoiding all of the 'fun' that the rest of the happy world are trying to enforce on us.


AJ. sorry abou the job and everything else. i hope you manage to have so nice moments with dh and can focus on those to get you through the rest.


mrsP. xxx your world sounds hard enough right now without christmas on top. hang in there.


purplestar. hoorah for your ** free future. i find the fake smile and bave face completely exhausting but i hope you ge through it.


vicky. can you drive to the party or mabe have a huge pretend hangover from the night before to avoid all questions ad speculations?


xxx to the rest of you struggling too and i hope the reality of christmas turns out to be much easier tham you all think.


katxxx


----------



## Kitty71

Hey girls,

Hope you're all hanging in there today. 

Kat enjoy the mountains, give pups a cwtch from me.

I managed to go and buy my 3 year old nieces clothes yesterday and managed not to cry. I couldn't help picking up some cute baby girl dresses and it nearly broke my heart - but not quite. Then we had dinner in a restaurant which is very "child friendly" and managed that too. I don't know whether I'm hardened now to the dissapointment or it's just a phase. I'll enjoy it before I fall apart again   .

Not long now to go. If I never hear "Fairytale of New York" again it will be too soon!!!

xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Evening ladies,

Well just 12 hours now til I fly back to full-on Christmas festivities    At least seeing DH again should make up for it  

Kitty - Well done on your achievements! I don't mean to sound flippant - sometimes the most simple things can seem like and ordeal.  Let's hope your strength lasts into the new year 

NordicKat - Hiding in the Mountains sounds fab!  Enjoy the peace and quiet  

AJ - doesn't chocolate help regulate hormones...?  Dr Suzie prescribes a large dosage!

Purple - Well done for joining the ******** revolution! It's the bra-burning of the 2010s  

Mrs P - Those annual update letters in Christmas cards should be banned full stop! If I wanted to know what you were doing, we'd still be in touch!  

Vicky - Pampers - grr - sickly cutesy babies interrupting our carefully selected baby-free viewing.  Schedulers should be shot  

Hi Katie, Penelope, Doodle Pip, Lexi and other browsers - Hope the Christmas Blues   aren't proving too much  

3 days and it's over! (Kitty - love the ticker - how do you do those?!!)


----------



## Purple Star

Kitty, well done on the shopping front and for keeping it all together. I finally braved going shopping for my 2 nieces today (3 years and 5 weeks old). It was so hard seeing all the baby stuff and wondering if I will ever need it for my own, or if I will spend the rest of my life buying things for other people's kids. Last night I spent the evening with my sister and the 5 week old. Had lots of lovely cuddles but when DH was holding her it nearly broke my heart, as I want him to be able to hold his own baby  

Susie, bet you can't wait to see your DH. I hope you have a lovely time and can manage to avoid too much festive cheer.

AJ, it's no wonder you are feeling a bit all over the place with all those hormones, take care of yourself  

Kat, have a lovely time in mountains, what a brilliant way to spend Christmas.

AFM, am feeling very frustrated at the moment - I'm currently waiting for AF to appear so I can start down regging for my FET but she is not making an appearance. I finished the provera tablets last Friday so was hoping I would be bleed this week but nothing! Why does she not appear when you want her??

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## dreamer01

hi guys. can i join you   i am also finding this time of year very hard. DP has two teenage kids and i hate having to wrap their presents and see him getting them a special son/daughter card. i know its stupid and i probably sound so nasty. But i keep thinking things should be so different, our babies should be here. but they are not. He has 2 kids and i cant give him one. i cant wait for xmas and new year to be over. every year we say...this time next year it will be different. 4 yrs along and its no different.  Sorry for the moan xx


----------



## A J

Dreamer01 I know exactly how you feel about the kids in your DP's life... I knew when I met my hubby he had kids but I didnt actually want any of my own right then so didnt bother me too much but as the years have gone on with us wanting our own, having m/c's then failed ivf's I am now very resentful of his children. I know its selfish but I cant help it. So much time, love and money goes towards them while Im really struggling with it. We do have fertility councelling which helps a bit but still cant stand talking about his kids.

Purplestar ... Its so ironical isnt it that we actually want af to arrive so we can get on with this fertility journey. I too am waiting for mine after down reg injection last week and stopping pill on Wed. I have a feeling it may be a long wait as my body has a mind of its own, drugs or no drugs!

I hope everyone else is coping with today? How mad were the shops!! Or, more to the point how mad was I for going!

******** bit me on the bum again...wife of a friend is a day overdue so put a side on profile pic of her on with her massive bump, made me so tearful. Then to top it off did anyone watch corrie!! 
Babies everywhere...no getting away!

Still nearly through another day intact, still smiling.

Not looking forward to tomorrow. DH with his son and Im going to visit my parents grave to put a Christmas wreath. Since losing both my parents over the last few years it has made the desire to have a family of my own so much stronger sometimes its almost unbearable!

Take care everyone, nearly there xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Anyone any tips on how to cope with overbearing parents?  
I know mum means well - but when I mc earlier this year I strongly stated that I didn't want to do ANYTHING this Christmas .. but alas the full shebang seems to be going ahead .. 
I really can not face going round there - a friend invited me over to hers - just to break things up and mum sulked.  I'm just so fed up with trying to please others needs .. when they don't think about mine..
Sorry for rant ... 


Couldn't watch Corrie - was just a wee bit too much tbh.  


I feel so detached from the person that was me and pregnant - its like the whole thing happened to someone else and I'm just functioning on the outside of her world .. 
Right enough of the self wallowing .... 


      I'm thinking of you all and truly hope this time next year will be different for us all, which ever path we choose.


Mini xxxx


----------



## CKay

mini self wallow all you like that's what we're here for   

I'm alone for Christmas DH is away with his family abroad.  I chose to stay home as his sister has had new born twins and what with me having a miscarriage in November I didn't feel strong enough.  I'm going to my sisters tomorrow and staying Christmas night, but finding today hard.  It's the first day I haven't planned to see anyone thought I'd pop to the shops (to get starter for tomorrow) then watch loads of films.  The plan is not filling me with joy to be honest.  What a hard year it has been and I feel I am losing hope that we may never have our own children to enjoy Christmas with.  I have some immue issues so just don't know now if carrying baby will ever be possible   .  Well off to watch some more TV!!!!  

CK xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

CK      - I'm doing the sitting on sofa with Christmas films .. not sure its helping though.


Take very good care xxxx


----------



## Lexi2011

Hope the next few days are bearable for everyone. I just can't wait to go to sleep on new years eve and wake up to a new year! One that will hopefully bring us all some peace from this hideous journey we've been lumbered with!!! The best thing about christmas day for me is downton abbey special at 9pm! Saddo or what. Love to all and big up to all my fellow ******** boycotters xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say I hope that Christmas isnt too tough. This time tomororw it will nearly all be over and done with!!!

Lexi Im with you, I just want it to be New Years day and I am really looking forward to the Downton Abbey Special too!!!! 

Speak to you all in in a few days. 

xxxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Santa has bought we a great pressie this year- my Bloomin period. Thanks a lot- rub it in why dont you! X


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone,

Logged on last night on the way down to the in-laws but wanted to put together a proper reply - free of autocorrect spellings that a phone would give!!

Thanks to all who replied to my email - things are feeling a bit easier now I'm in the 'safe place' called my in-laws.  I broke down completely yesterday after work, hubby was great.  Suddenly realised I'd been giving OUT so much emotionally that I hadn't left enough for myself to get through this holiday period.  Talked some more on the way down and realised, it's the situation with my stepmum losing her mother which scares me most, as the funeral weekend at the start of December was both intense and tense!  They also tend to just 'get drunk' as the catch all to stressful situations - which just isn't the environment I want.  But hubby and I have vowed to get some us time out together for, at the least, a few hours.  I'd like to do that on 30th if possible (as we miscarried #1 two years to the day).

So trying to keep perspective, went running, helped the in-laws (who are in their 80s) prepare the veg, put up the tree.  All good distractions and I have my niece and nephew coming over tomorrow - which I'm really looking forward to.  And had a long chat with my MIL, who lost 5 babies one way or another - she's really understanding having been through so much herself.

Anyway, time to engage in some sisterhood chat:

Katie Kate - poor you - timing just sucks doesn't it?  Must try to burn the tape for next Littlewoods marketing campaign before it is unleashed on the public x

Penelope Pitstop & Lexi - Hope you get through the day ok tomorrow and enjoy Downton Abbey x

Mini Minx - I'm not sure I have any sterling advice for dealing with overbearing parents - but you could try my trick of getting outta there on pretence of a walk so some such thing - or spend half and half with family and friends?  Important that you get something out of the day that is your choosing - to hell with everyone else is what I say!!  I do empathise with feeling like you are having your own needs overlooked - I feel the same.  I think I'm my worst enemy though - too bloody sensitive!!  Will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

CK - I'm about to start the immune journey next year.  Sorry to hear of your miscarriage and I hope you get some love and support at your sisters.  I think you made the right decision not going away - I felt much the same after my mc.  As for tonight - TV is probably good - although looking at other posts - avoid Corrie!  I have also got some magazines in to read if I need to get away.

A J - Am thinking of you today and hope the 'extra' Xmas has been ok.  It must be really hard to deal with your partner's son alongside your own problems.  Hope you aren't feeling too rough with all the pills/injections - you are a superstar to be able to cope with all this.  Hang in there x

Purple Star - I could do with a fun, bubbly mask most of the time to be honest   Well done on the ** profile - liberating indeed! x

NordicKat - Have a nice time in the mountains - think we would all like to join you!! xx

Vickytick - trying to think of some suitable drink excuses - everyone seems to think it's a lifestyle choice we have made now with us.  If only I didn't have this poxy reason instead... Sometimes I drink Becks Blue instead from a glass - then no-one notices.  I had a friend who tells everyone her J20 is Bacardi Breezer.  Seems to fool them!

Good luck everyone with tomorrow - will be thinking of you all.  And thanks again for being so brilliant and listening

Lots of love
MrsP
xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Oh and...

Kitty -well done on the shopping front and hanging in there - keep up the good work  x

Dreamer - I know how hard it is - I'm on many years of fighting this.  But as my MIL said, we have to keep looking forward and being hopeful.  Really hope 2012 turns out good for us x


----------



## Shellebell

Hope you are all hanging in there girls


AFM I opened the door the other day to see Santa doing his rounds. They have a 'sleigh'  that goes round the streets of Luton to raise money for the local hospice. Santa saw me and waved and said Merry Christmas sweetheart    I'm sure I don't know him, so my first thought was that he thought I had children with me    (well the house does look like it should with lights etc   ) I shut the door and broke down    
it's the silly things that start me off


----------



## (hugs)

Evening all,

Shellebell i totally understand it is the small things that get you, i was sorting some presents earlier under the tree for me and DH and saw one for my nephew and thought when is it going to be my time to buy presents for my kid(s) i had a   it makes me feel so sad all the adverts about family's/children its so frustrating the pampers ad gets on my last   i really hope and   this time next year i have my miracle in my tummy or in my arms....come on 2012 bring us ladies our much wanted miracles  

I'm spending tomorrow with DH at my fathers with his partner (no children) to upset me but have family coming to us on boxing day might be a few secret tears!! 
I'm going to eat drink and be merry and watch t.v films etc and not socialize with the outside world, i hope each and everyone of you manage tomorrow big hugs girls


----------



## Kitty71

Dear Scroogettes,

We're nearly there!!!

It takes a huge amount of fortitude to do what we do and I soooo hope we all get there in the end. I hear all the time how hard parenting is - blah blah blah - but we are all so strong to do what we do to even get to that point.

Have the best day you can and be kind to yourselves.

xxx


----------



## Purple Star

Merry Christmas ladies,

Just wanted to say that I hope today is as good as it can be for everyone. We are nearly through it, not long to go now!

Lots of love and   to all
xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Take care today ladies - thinking of you all. 
We can get through it - me with a massive hangover!

Mini xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Blimey - today has been more of a sucker punch than I expected.  I'm safely tucked up at home again and am spending today here with DH, just the 2 of us. Thank god we didn't make other plans as it was tempting to do so a few weeks ago - its tough enough putting on a brave face for DH and he's being fab.  He's gone over to his Mum & Dads for an hour or so this morning, so am allowing myself a bit of time to be melancholy  

Hope you're all getting by ok today - this time tomorrow the battle will be almost won


----------



## jen747

Morning ladies. I have just spent the last half an hour reading your posts and feel relieved to find you, and discover that I'm not alone in dreading xmas. We got our third bfn yesterday and I'm so very fed up with it. Every time I distance myself from it all but then hope creeps in just before otd so when the test comes up negative it cuts that bit deeper. I remember reading someone say that with every failed tx you lose a bit of yourself...that's how i feel right now. My sister has 4  children which just doesnt seem fair...I think she has my share too. 

I am on my phone so its difficult to read back but i have to say, all credit to whoever it is that has escaped for Xmas...what a fantastic idea. We are with in-laws and there are no children here and my two brothers-in-law are alot of fun but my heart just isnt in it. 

Alcohol might be the only answer! 

Jen 
Xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Jen - what awful timing! Big   to you.  Hope you can have a nice afternoon with family, even if the cheer is alcohol induced  

This thread has been a godsend - glad you've found it helpful too.


----------



## SuzieW

Just been on the BBC website and seen the theme for the Queen's speech this year is "family" - thanks Queen!


----------



## fingersarecrossed

Ladies

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas. I spent many years having the same thoughts as the rest of you at this time of year, I remember one year finding out tx had failed on Xmas Day    

15 years it took for me to get my precious son but I will NEVER forget those past Xmases and how it felt to see others enjoy what I wanted with every fibre of my being.. I wish you all lots of love and     to get through today as best you can and lots of    for the New Year. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## A J

I will be so glad when today ends! I really do feel like a humbug.
DH spent all day yesterday with his son. Woke up this morning feeling sad missing my parents then SS rang and DH all happy etc. I ended up in tears, having words etc, etc. I cried all morning.
Went to SIL's who has 5 (yes, 5) kids for dinner, Catholic family!! With all the rest of his family so difficult. Back at home now sitting on the sofa. Things bit edgy between DH and myself. So want all this hurt to end. I know I am doing it to myself as its just another day in this journey. But the trying to pretend to be happy and ok is a killer. I wanted to scream over dinner!! But fortunately didn't and kept it together stuffing my face. My way of blocking the pain. I could get away with it as everyone else was too.
I know DH wants this baby as much as me but I feel its OK for him he has his child and family just around the corner. 

Sorry to be ranting but need to get this out.

I really hope you are all getting through today. It is nearly over so well done everyone for keeping it together. You are all fab and have helped me so much over the last few days. 
Love and hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Purple Star

Oh AJ, so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time today, lots of  coming your way. I'm so ready for today to be over as well. I've had just about as much as can cope with being all happy and joining in with the family. Have just been feeding my 5 week old niece and had to try so hard to keep the tears back   

Jen, what an awful time to get a bfn, I hope you are coping with today ok  

Lots of love to all xxxx


----------



## A J

Well done ladies for making it to today, I know its still a bit Christmassy (the adverts and tv seem to go on and on) but the hardest day is over.
I have had a better day today, just DH, myself and the dog out for a lovely walk.

af arrived today so starting on the progynova and hopefully tx the week after next.

Love and    to you all, thank you for being here 

AJ xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Everyone,

Well boxing day is nearly over and we just have to get through New Years eve now!!!

Hope everyone's Christmas wasnt too hard. 

AJ bet you are glad to be starting injections soon? 

Jen, I am sorry you got another bfn. It is so hard to lose sight of why we are doing this after so many disappointments isnt it? Hope you any hubby are looking after each other. 

How was everyone elses Christmas day/boxing day?

AFM, spent Christmas day with in-law and s.i.l's. Wasnt too bad to start with but then hubby's' older single sister announced she is going to sperm bank in New Year. She then joked about getting into a competition with us to see who could get pregnant first!!! I didnt know whether to laugh or cry!!! 

xxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello Ladies,

Hope you are getting on okay at least we have a break of all this Christmas cheer for a few days.

*Penelope Pitstop* - the way I feel at the moment I'd have probably hit her...sorry but this process is making me even more impatient and angry than I was before.

I was fine over Christmas as we went away to my sister's and I could 'forget' the whole process for a few days. Came back yesterday and my DH went to pick his son up straight away. I had to listen to what a great Christmas he had with his mum, her partner, his dd and my ss 10month year old new sister. He got totally spoilt for a 6year old with money provided by us. Its so unfair that she seems to have everything and I have nothing. I'm bitter and twisted but after all this time this is how I feel.

I really hope 2012 is better as it can't get any worse.

Huge hugs to everyone whatever you're doing for the next couple of days. Me I'm going to spend some money I don't have, in the sales with my sister.

Take Care lovies

XX


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Vickytick,

I nearly hit her too!!! I am very angry and impatient with everything at the moment, I think some of that is down to pmt but I have lost patience with the world!!!

Ive been sale shopping, was very restrained and only got a few things, didnt cheer me up though!! I then went and fell down the stairs so I have a very sore bottom and a whopper of a bruise developing. I was trying to be good and not indulge in any chocolate but Ive given up and hit the selection box!!!

xxxx


----------



## Purple Star

PP, think I would have swung for her!   Sounds like hitting the chocolate is a good idea.

Vickytick, enjoy the shopping. I went this morning and got a few good bargains; was good to spend a bit of money on nice things rather than drugs/freezing embryos etc.

Hope everyone is doing ok, we only have new years to get through and then we have made it through the festive season!  

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## A J

Wow PP...yes I would have hit her too, no doubt about that!! Hows the bottom? Poor you  

Chocolate is defo keeping me going at the moment too. Dread to think how much weight I'm putting on but who cares   

Vickytick...yes I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am totally bitter and twisted when it comes to SS, I actually hate the fact that he is around. Its not his fault, I know its my jealousy doing it but it is so, so hard. DH's ex has never met anyone else, I wish she would.
Its 'daddy and son time' again tomorrow. As usual I will make myself scarce, go shopping and spend some money on me. Sick to death of all DH's money going to her when I have to fork out a fortune for fertility treatment. I'm using inheritance money but I so resent all that he gives her.

Anyway, thats all ongoing. Need to concentrate on getting through this time of year a day at a time. 

Hope everyone is doing well?   , I hope we can carry on with this thread to get us over the New Year too xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

PP - can I join the queue to give her a swipe? That's just plain inconsiderate.
Hope everyone is doing ok.  I'm pretty down today - nervous about seeing my Mum, but when I've spoken to her she's been ok, so hopefully she will be alright for the 2 days I'm staying.  Had way too many wines last night (I had been avoiding alcohol as I just can't handle it's effect on my moods) and suffering today which isn't helping.  Lovely to pile some guilt and embarassment into the equation huh?
Anyway probably won't get a chance to be online unless via my phone til after New Year.  Hang in there girls - not long now  
x


----------



## A J

Good luck MrsP spending time at your mum's, stay strong xxx


----------



## silverbird

I'd like to join as I am having a hellish christmas.

I find it really hard to know if an event will be too difficult becuase I often enjoy doing things with children but if I can't cope it's hard when I'm trapped without a lift home.

bring on jannuary.


----------



## Katie Kate

Hi everyone
Welldone to all for 'getting through' the last few days. I've actually managed to have quite a nice Christmas, drank too much each day but didn't cry and didn't argue with anyone  my sil did tell me they are going to start 'trying' in the new year, which I found difficult as I now know she will be pregnant before me- but I've told her our issues and she is lovely so I'm sure age won't be too annoying about it all ;-) 
Got to spend yesterday with my two bribes which again was fine, especially as they were very grizzly so that took the edge off! 
New year has been the one I'm dreading as I feel all I have achieved in 2011 is a miscarriage and an extra 1 1/2 stone! I should be 6 months pregnant and receiving gifts for my nursery not looking on ******** and seeing others that are :-(
Anyway today is a day for me. Dh is going to work so I will go to the sales, then to homebase then do some theraputic decorating. 
Hope everyone has a good few days before the annoyance of the weekend! 
X


----------



## Katie Kate

Sorry on my phone- age=she and bribes= nieces! X


----------



## Stubborn

I hope Christmas has been better than expected for everyone.  

My difficult day was Boxing Day.  All the in-laws including the great-grandchild (who was unexpected, the parents were 16 and at school, and he is 3 months older than our son should have been).  When everyone is making a fuss of him I think about our boy, when he opens a present I think about our boy. When my husband holds him I realise how much my IF has cost him. He would be a brilliant Father.  
Thanks goodness for wine, it was the only thing that numbed it enough for me to avoid sobbing over the dinner table.

Now we just have to get through New Years Eve... with my family saying this will be 'my year'.  They said that every year for the past 6 years and it has just got worse every time, grrr.


----------



## Vickytick

Never went shopping as my sister never called and is too loved up with her new boyfriend. At this precise moment I'm sat in my dressing gown crying  my eyes out wondering why my life is so s**t. All my life I've had to fight for things and I'm done fighting. Every Christmas I used to dream of having a husband, children and being happy. Last Christmas fate took that away from me and this Christmas I'm just constantly sat here thinking I should have a 5 month baby. *AJ* I too resent my ss and his mother so much its quite scary. I will admit I'm bitter jealous that she can do something I can't. She has a bond with my husband that I can't break - she gave him a child which I might never be able to do and that is killing me inside. None more apparent than at this time of year. DH wants his son next Christmas so he wakes up in the morning. I won't be able to do that so if we are in the same situation I'm not sure where that leaves us or more importantly me. We had a huge row yesterday because I was fine with my family but couldn't cope having his son here. He kicked off saying I'd ruined his special time with his son and that he might be the only one he ever has. What about me? I might never have a child and have to cope with his.

Dreading New Year as I don't really want to go. I'm not a great one for socialising (hubbie is). I prefer my own company or close family/friends. Its that whole 'Next year will be your year you see' mentality that goes on. Really do they have a glass ball that shows them the future. I'm scared that next year will be exactly the same as every other year has been - no closer but further away from the dream.

I think these days are tough because its in between but I truly hope that next year is kinder to us ALL.

Whereever you are whatever you are doing I wish you all the best.

Thanks girls for listening to me rant its quite a lost post today.

Vicky
xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

We have made it thru the dreaded Christmas...

Penelope can i have a go at your doll 2?? How inconsiderate can someone be!!

Jen
Sorry to hear about your bfn.. Chin up hun

Im back to work today christmas for us was quiet with no children at the table as we where at my inlaws and hubby is a only child.. We are heading over to see my sis n bro in law for the new year as my twin nieces are getting christened on sunday.. I did have a wee weep on xmas day before hubby came down before the present opening wiching we have a wee one to share it with except for the cat and dog.. Again it wa what if the ivf had worked we would have a wee bundle..Well saying af is due and im feeling sorry for myself!!.

Must get back to work 
Jillyhen x


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## Purple Star

Katie Kate, I did wonder what your bribes were!  

Jillyhen, hope work is ok.

Vickytick, your post brought tears to my eyes. My DH doesn't have any kids so can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I   that your dream will come true soon   We are staying in for new years, just me and DH. I will be glad to see the back of 2011 but am terrified we will be in exacty the same situation next year and I cannot bear it    

Stubborn, that must have been so difficult to deal with, lots of  

Silverbird, yes bring on January!

Hello to everyone else, hope everyone is finding a way to cope.

Lots of love xxxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Everyone!

I too am having a bad day so I feel for all of you who are feeling the same!! My AF is due so I am irritable and crotchety and I amd dreading New Years eve. Not because we are doing anything, Vickytick, I am very much like you, Im not big on social events I prefer the company of close friends or just hubby but he is very sociable so is very annoyed by my requests to hide away!!! I am just dreading 2012 as I fear that it will be the same as this year and that I will still be without our own child this time next year. Hubby and I have had a row today as he is fed up of me being miserable and says he cant remember the last time I laughed or smiled. Im just so sad  . 

Big hugs to everyone  

xxxx


----------



## nursejue

Hi all,
can I join you? Yes, great thanks.

Well thank god christmas is over!
As you can see from my signature I lost my beautiful baby girl Tilly on 3rd Nov at 21 weeks. I was dreading christmas and had a really bad week up til the big day. The big day went ok and we spent it with adults we both like. I think the build up was worse as everyone is jolly and jovial and I wanted to throttle everyone  

My lovely dh bought me an eternity ring and he had the middle diamond taken out and had a topaz (Tillys birthstone) put in. Its beautiful and i am very lucky.
My hardest thing is not being pregnant anymore. I would have been 29 weeks tomorrow     

I'm not dreading new year as we hope to try again very soon in the new yr. I'm 46yrs young on 28th Jan so not getting any younger    we have booked a holiday to cape verde on 24th Jan so looking forward to that.

As for ********, I am still on it but only because of the closed groups on there for premature rupture of membranes and incompetent cervix, which I am convinced I have  
if we are lucky enough to get another bfp i think i will retreat to a hosp bed for the whole 9 months  

anyway my thoughts are with you all and I hope things get better for all of us,

love
Nursejue


----------



## Stubborn

Oh Nursejue    What a horrible Christmas you must have had.
I know when we lost our little darling at 17 weeks I was utterly shell shocked.  It is so unfair isn't it.  

Your ring sounds beautiful.

I'm here if you want to PM me.


----------



## smc81

Hi All
Reading some of your stories I see how amazing and brave you all are. I am olnly on the very beginning of my journey, but I also find this time of year very hard. Being surrounded by friends with children, family who are (unwittingly) putting lots of pressure on me, people saying 'you are so lucky you get to go home to a quiet house', and then in the next breath say how Christmas is nothing without kids.

I have spent most of this holiday wanting to scream, and now I am sat in my quiet house, just imagining what it would be like to have a little baby keeping me awake, making me run around like a crazy woman - I think I would be the happiest woman alive.

If only the people that have had it come to them easily could actually appreciate what they have - but also stop throwing it in out faces.

Hopefully 2012 will bring some good luck and a change of fortune for us all.

Sending hugs to everyone who needs it

S xx


----------



## Vickytick

Its lovely ladies that during a horrible time we find comfort in each other especially as we can empathise with the situations past and present.

*Nursejue*- What an awful way to lead up to December and Christmas. It must've been very hard for you both and your hubbie sounds lovely as that is an extremely thoughtful gift. See men can surprise us sometimes.  I like the fact that you've already got a plan. I too am only on ** because of a FF private group which is v supportive. Have a lovely relaxing holiday hun.

*Purplestar* - Its so hard because we are all hoping that next year will be different whilst internally dreading that its going to be exactly the same and that scares me. I start wishing my life away. If only we had a crystal ball.

*Penelope Pitstop* - Its hard to be happy again. My sil said a similar thing to me but its the toll this process takes on you and your life. Its all consuming and unless anyone has travelled this road they have no idea. Social events often cause us issues as I'd rather be at home snuggled up just us two.

*Stubborn*- Hope you are feeling better today and you will get through NYE.

Only a few more days ladies then its all over. What will happen to this thread as I've enjoyed 'chatting' with you all during Christmas. It seems a shame it'll all stop on Jan 1st.

xx


----------



## Purple Star

Oh nursejue, so sorry to read your story   What a lovely, thoughtful gift from your DH.

PP, big   to you. 

smc81, it really doesn't help when people make comments like that does it!   I hope your journey is as short and painless as it can be. Lots of luck    

stubborn, hope you're doing ok  

vickytick, I wish my life away at the moment too; all I'm interested in is time going as fast as possible so I can start my next cycle (and wishing AF would hurry up and arrive so I can start down regging!)

I agree, it would be a shame to end this thread, I have found talking to all of you lovely ladies invaluable. Before I found this thread I felt so guilty for wanting Christmas to be over, and it was a massive relief to see I wasn't the only one and it was ok to feel like that. Perhaps we could change it to 'coping with adverts'!   (although hopefully a lot of the really sickening ones will go away after the new year!).

Lots of love to everyone xxxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

I agree it would be a real shame to end this thread. I thought I was alone in my dread of Christmas and the New Year but it has been lovely to come on hear and find others going through the same emotions. Maybe we could have a 'coping with 2012' thread as I know alot of us have mixed feelings about welcoming in a New Year for fear that nothing will change. 

Purple Star, I am waiting for my AF to arrive so I can ring the clinic to book dates to start down regging but typically it is already two days late!!! Why when you need it to arrive on time does it not show and then when you dont want it to arrive it shows up early!!!! Arghhhh!!!

smc81, sorry to hear you are having to endure other peoples insensitive comments. People just dont think do they. 

Stubborn, hope you are ok? 

Vickytick are you feeling better? I wish my life away at the moment too. Its so hard not to focus on the next treatment and enjoy other things but thats the only way to get through this (for me anyway!). 

Nursejue, so sorry to read about the rough time you are having at the moment. What a thoughtful hubby you have. 

AJ how are you?

Hope I havent missed anyone. Sorry if I have. 

xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Hi everyone,

I've been keeping my head down for a few days trying to not let it all be about IF - I only have a few more precious days with DH before I have to go back away again for work so am determined not to let IF spoil it all!

Some of you have been through so much and must have been very strong to cope with it all - I hope you start to see some luck coming your way soon!

We were out with a big group of friends on Tuesday - its an annual thing.  One of my SIL's had a baby earlier this month (obviously without any effort whatsoever).  Despite the fact that my own sister and other sIL are both also pg at the moment (which have both been tough to deal with in their own way), I have found this first one the hardest to deal with and it has been a big source of anxiety for me this year and of arguments with DH.  I've not been able to see her or speak to her since she made her announcement in May and although I knew it had been born, I knew no details about the baby (name, weight, any of the usual details) by choice - DH has been very good about not forcing it on me.  So anyway we were out with friends on Tuesday and it was like they'd all been prompted to ask I'd SIL had had the baby, and poor DH couldn't really do anything but answer their questions when they asked him directly when I was there - they don't know our situation, so to the outsider it's a little odd that I can't bear to hear anything about SIL's baby.  One of them even got him to show her a photo on his phone, which she they waved in front of my face going on about what huge socks it had.  I couldn't look, but had to try not to be obvious about it.  I know this all sounds like I'm being a big old drama queen, but I can't face it yet.  I know I'll have to at some point, but I don't want to yet.  It should have been our turn first and now they're having their 1st Christmas with their newborn baby that they hadn't even started trying for a year ago, we still are no closer than we were 3 years ago.

I like the idea of keeping this thread going after the new year's here: its nice to have made some new friends here and it's not like come Jan 1st every days going to be a good day for us all unfortunately! Maybe the mods can move it to the cycle buddies section and call us the "Humbugs"!

Big hugs to everyone - brace yourselves: we're almost over the final hurdle


----------



## A J

Hi everyone,

I would like to second, third or fourth keeping this thread going somehow. Its been you wonderful ladies that have kept me same over the last couple of weeks. What we are going through doesnt end at New Year and I know for me that NY is in itself a difficult time.
Looking back over the last year, what could I have differently, how am I going to get through this year ahead. The fact that I will be 43 next year is a huge one for me as it is every year realising the body clock is ticking too. I hate that feeling, I know my birthday isnt until September but in fertility terms it might as well be on NY day.

Im feeling really low at the moment even though Xmas is over. DH is off but I am aware that I spoilt Xmas with my saddness. The day was awful for both of us. We had councelling this morning and we did get a chance to talk about our feelings which has helped a bit. Im having a frozen embryo transfer in 12 days time in Spain (hopefully) and cannot seem to feel any sense of hope at the moment. I so wish this feeling will pass, Im sure it will...

Hope all of you are coping a day at a time, hugs to all 
AJ xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, I know exactly what you mean about not having any hope at the moment. We are due to start another cycle again in Jan but I cannot get excited about it as I dont hold out much hope of it working,ever! It so hard to pick yourself up after each failure and face the next hurdle with the same enthusiasm and positive outlook sf before.  I ruined Christmas for us too, as was down right miserable but cant seem to snap out if it!! Cant see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. 

Suzie, I dont think you are being a drama queen at all. Although my sil's and sister are not pregnant yet and do not have any children I am obsessed about them getting pregnant before us even though they arent even trying. Well, my one sil is going to a sperm bank in the New Year. I know this sounds awful but I find it so much harder to deal with other people getting pregnant if they havent been trying as long or if they werent trying. Completely irrational thought process but I cant control it. My cousin who is 22 got pregnant by accident a year ago and I still havent dealt with it. I think I would be the same if my sil got pregnant I wouldnt be able to see her either so try not to punish yourself for it. 

I am still waiting for AF, and beating myself up for not sticking to the healthy eating over the Christmas with a cycle so close!!! 

Hope everyone else is ok?

xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

evening all I'll second third Fourth it that this thread keeps going its been great to just let off about how your feeling when it feels like no one understands!  

I'm very glad Xmas is out of the way i haven't been on here much but been reading all your post's and you've all been a great support for each other nice to know theres people in the same bubble   as me Christmas was ok(ish) very quiet spent it with DH my father and his partner, came down with flu/cold boxing day typical so lastnight was the first night Ive had a drink me and DH had words last night due to him always on call ye i understand its work! but I'm feeling really low i know it was my first attempt at IVF in Nov but if that was a fresh cycle and it didn't work and my odds was really good i just cant seem to get positive about my FET cycle with the clinic still shut i feel left in the dark its been weeks and i still don't have my date for my follow up appointment, i cant wait to find out whats whats!!

whats everyone doing for NYE? think were having a few drinks followed by a takeaway nothing exciting don't want to go out cant be doing with socializing! 

hope everyones OK?


----------



## Purple Star

Hugs, I feel exactly the same about my FET - I feel like if the fresh cycles didn't work what chance has a frostie got? But then I look at all the successes people have with FETs and try and be positive about it. I think the whole cycle will be less stressful than a fresh cycle so I should be feeling good and ready to receive the frostie. Try and keep positive (I know it's easy to say and a lot harder to do)  

Suzie, you're definitely not being a drama queen. My sister got pregnant with her second just when we were having our investigations. I found it really hard to talk to her (not that she said anything that got to me) and only saw her once during the pregnancy. We are close and I normally see her more than that but just couldn't bring myself to. It was my way of protecting myself from more upset.

PP, I have been terrible food wise this christmas; I have eaten so much junk! I really need to get back to the healthy eating thing too. I'm going to have a fresh start on new years day.

AJ, so sorry you're feeling down   As I've said above I'm also finding it hard to be positive about my FET. Lots of luck   

AFM, I rang the clinic to tell them I haven't bleed from my provera yet. They said to come in for a scan to see if I can have the prostap anyway. I don't understand why I haven't bled, has anyone else experienced this? Really hoping I can start as I want to get this cycle going!

I've actually had a lovely day today - I met up with a fab lady I met on my clinic thread for lunch/ shopping. Like chatting with all of you, it is so refreshing to talk with people who get it and have been through the same. 

Lots of love to all xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Thanks Purple Star i feel exactly how you said but very true i do look at other peoples stories and there has been a lot of success stories on FET I'm trying hard to look at this from another angel and think positive thinking to my self less drugs no stimming so you never know fingers firmly crossed for us   just finding all this very hard as when i got my BFN my clinic was due to shut and waiting is killing me come on January i need my follow up haven't got no feed back yet, i have questions that need answering and dates!! inpatient i know   you stay strong to   have you got any dates yet to when you start?


----------



## Purple Star

hugs, the plan was that I would start down regging last week and have transfer mid January. However, my body is not playing ball and as I haven't bled yet all the dates are out the window! I have my scan next Wednesday so hopefully will have a better idea after that. When are you hoping to start? Luckily my clinic have only been shut for the 'main' days, i.e. Christmas day, boxing day, bank hols, so have been able to get hold of them to ask questions this week. I can imagine it has been hard with them being closed and not having your review appointment yet. Am I right in thinking you're in Hull? I will keep everything crossed for us both and   that these frosties come good for us.

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

oh dear think when you want her to arrive she doesn't, and when you don't she shows up...typical always the case  
i hope all goes well at your scan and you get the thumbs up for the go ahead hate waiting!! at least this time round we don't have to stimm and have EC always a bonus i suppose yeah clinics differ i guess mine are shut till at least the 3rd so its been tuff not being able to have our questions answered but all in good time i did speak to the receptionist and she told me that the whole team reviews everything than i get a follow up she said i would be looking at late Jan earlier Feb as I'm due in the next week I'll have to wait for AF to arrive again!!
I'll also pray that these ice babies come good for us too 
takecare and have a good new year nearly 2012 eeeekkkk


----------



## (hugs)

soz forgot to say yes im from Hull


----------



## Purple Star

Thanks hugs. I hope you get your review appointment soon and can crack on with the FET. I hate all the waiting, I'm such an impatient person! Thought you were in Hull, I shall be back to commuting there for work next week. Not looking forward to the early starts, have really enjoyed having some lie-ins.

xxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Hi scroogets....
Just wanted to say that I hope you all manage to spend this evening doing exactly what YOU want to do. I totally agree with what u have all been saying about being scared about what the new year will bring and remember feeling exactly the same last year (although not quite as intensely). Fir me i know 2012 will either be the worst year I've had since TTC or the best and it us the unknown and the worry that it will be the former that is getting to me.
But hey, I'm going to drink champagne, eat bad food and come Monday I will go on a detox, start pilates and prepare my body for the Ivf in february. 

I think that I would feel the same as u lovely ladies about the FET but agree that surely the less drugs u have to take and the more relaxed and ready you can be has got to be a good thing. 

I sincerely hope that all of you lovely ladies find happiness in the new year, and that we can continue to support each other through what is bound to be a year of ups and downs
(oh dear I've started on the deep and meaningfuls already!)
Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning Ladies,

Well its New years Eve!!! What are you all doing? Hubby and I are going to take the dogs for a long walk on the beach and then going for lunch out. Not sure about the evening yet. Cant face doing too much. 

Purple Star and hugs, I know exactly how are you feeling about your FET. If Im being honest I feel the same about my next live cycle! I just dont think it will work as it didnt work the first time. But as you said I have seen so many success stories come from FET's so there is no reason for it not to work for you. 

Purple Star, I am waiting for my AF to ring the clinic to get dates and order drugs etc but its already 2 days late!!! To top it off if my period arrives much later we may not be able to start the cycle in Jan as hubby is due to go away to Seattle with work and it will fall around EC/ET    I have made some friends on this forum and others and meet with one of them regularly for coffee. It is so nice to talk to someone who really understands and shares the same emotions. Glad you have that support too!

KatieKate, I am not drinking this New Years eve but I will be eating healthy and going to yoga as of tomorrow!!! 

If I dont come on before the day is out, happy new year guys. Here's to us being there for each other in 2012. 

Big hugs all round 
xxxx


----------



## Caz

Hi ladies, just popping in to say, there's no reason why this thread needs to close yet. We will need to close it before next Christmas though, because next year there will be new people and some of you will have moved on, but we can sort something out to get around that. 



C~x


----------



## emmieflo

Hi ladies, I've only just found this link! Thank you, it makes me feel less alone, although obviously I wish none of us were feeling like this! I have felt like I was quietly going a bit mad this December, and just want to cry at anything, although I can't seem to do that properly either, just like a great miserable bolder has lodged itself in me. Our BNF was in September and things were getting a little easier, until my Italian mother-in-law to be landed in the country in November. She stays in England for 6 months every year, fortunately in her own house an hour and a half away. She is just pure poison and blames me entirely for the BNF. When we were having treatment she was on the phone telling me she would take the baby to Italy for 6 months and I could ring it up- over my dead body she would! DH told me to ignore her as she speaks a lot of rubbish, I told her that wasn't going to happen, I was so shocked, but polite to her. Since she has been in the country she has been on the phone telling me I shouldn't marry her son if I can't have a baby, and that if I didn't see her before Christmas I wasn't welcome at her house. I told her that was quite alright I wouldn't come, and I wouldn't come if we had a baby either. She soon changed her tune then. I'm just so angry and fed up, I wouldn't stand for that sort of treatment from anyone else, but she gets me right to where it hurts the most, DH is lovely but I guess it is hard for him being in the middle, and he had to grow up with the evil old witch. His advise is to ignore her, but I can't. She made Christmas even worse by making out she was dying, so DH spent it with her and his sister and dad. She had a mini stroke a few weeks ago which is being managed perfectly with medication, she just couldn't stand it that it was my family's turn for Christmas. I went to my sisters as planned though, but got a bit upset. I think she probably had a mini stroke as she had been slamming doors and swearing when the IVF hadn't worked. She's so bloody manipulative she told us she needed an op and it would probably be her last christmas, and her poor son didn't know what it was like to have children.My partner was working the rest of the christmas period so I haven't seen much of him, and then I was really miserable. He is very calm and patient, and did try and reassure me, but I wish he would stick up for me a bit. 
Sorry for the rant, I'm staying in this new years eve (DH working) but I'm going to have some large wines read a book, and cuddle up with my cats, cos that's what i feel like. Please please let 2012 be a happy year for all of us xxxxx

l


----------



## smc81

Sounds awful Emmmieflo! Why do some people have to be so horrible?! It sounds like you handled it better than I would have. I moan about being on my own, but sometimes I think I have it easier than those of you with demon in-laws!
Sending big hugs and hoping 2012 is better for you.

I am also spending tonight alone, all my friends have children and husbands, or wealthy boyfriends taking them away. I shall be drinking as much wine as possible and eating all the chocolates left over from xmas - 2012 is to be an alcohol free and healthy year for me or at least that's the plan!

S xx


----------



## emmieflo

Thanks Smc, I reckon new year bit over rated anyway. I didn't meet DH until I was 44, so I know what it's like when it seems everyone is going to have a lovely time with their boyfriends and husbands. In reality though they're probably a bit jealous of us too. I shall raise a glass or 4 to you, cos I am going to have several very large glasses too! xxx


----------



## Stubborn

Smc and Emmieflo I have had several alone New Years too, which is maybe why I don't really rate the whole wild celebration thing. 

I have got myself worked up today over a ** comment from my sister.
WARNING *rant alert*

I made a comment I was fed up and not looking forward to NYE.  Her reply was to think about what I had, not what I 'nearly had'.  I know she meant well but...
...I did not 'nearly have ' a son.  I had one, but he died.
...she made it sound like I wanted an iPhone but didn't get one.  I want to BE a mother, I have spent 20 years wanting to BE a mother, I don't want a baby as a pet!
...this year I had cancer, is that something I 'had' that I should celebrate?

She meant well, but it just got my back up.  This is the sister who missed my wedding because she had a baby the day before.  She knew when the wedding was, and was trying to get pregnant.  She knew about the problems we were having. She even knew how we felt, as she had taken 3 months to fall pregnant and was starting to panic so that's the same isn't it... 

I know I sound like a self-pitying miserable cow, but somehow writing it down gets it out of my system so I won't now spend the evening biting DH's head off.  We are staying in (my choice, not his at all, poor chap) and he is presently down the offy getting a bottle of red wine to go with the salad, olives, cheese and home-made bread we are going to have for supper.

I hope the evening goes well for all of you girls   and I hope our luck improves over the next 12 months 

Have a great New Year


----------



## woodwitch

Just wanted to pop on here and wish you all the best for next year. I have had 13 NYE whilst ttc and I know how flat and empty it can make you feel. If you can keep going please do and I wish you all the strength in the world. I always approached NYE with the attitude that it was an arbitrary date and a commercialised "event" and I think that helped a little bit but I always stay at home so maybe that makes it easier.

Woody x


----------



## MrsPootle

just wanted to pop on and wish you lovely ladies a Happy New Year & deffo want to stay in touch... and I've got thru visiting my mum, twas v v difficult but I'm in one piece (just). With my dads side of family and had long walk in Cotswolds which was wonderful. One more day & we have done it xxx love to you all


----------



## Tommi

Just wanted to say I hope 2012 brings all us ladies some good news! Reading this thread just shows what challenges many on this site have had. But that just makes you awesome, resilient women who can experience all that stuff and still get up and say "in 2012 I will carry on pursuing my dream". Whether you are seeing the new year in on your own or with others, I will certainly be saying a toast for you all and sending a wish upwards that next new year will be different for us all. 

T xx


----------



## emmieflo

Stubborn, I am so so sorry, I know she is your sister but she really doesn't have a f******g clue here does she!!?!!I seriously don't get people, wanting a baby is such a deep deep thing for so many of us, how can they not understand. someone said to me that you have to be happy with what you have, I really wanted to punch her! 

I was friends with a little old lady, who died this year, she is my inspiration, as she was in a home and still talked about how her and her husband had always wanted children, but it hadn't happened. I am 48 now and have to use donor eggs, but I know she would have grabbed whatever chance she could have had. She had alzhiemers and had better days than others, sometimes she would swear like a trooper, so for all those who don't understand what we are going through a new years toast from my little friend Violet, 'shut your bleedin mouth' 
love you all xxx


----------



## A J

Thanks Caz for the keeping going info xx

My wish for New Year is that all of us ladies on here have our dreams come true in 2012- I have a good feeling about the year ahead. I dont want to keep looking backwards with regrets and sadness as Im so tired of that. We are all worth more than that!!

Tonight I have been to my favourite Indian restaurant with DH, now back home to watch some tv. Will hopefully be asleep by midnight and can wake up tomorrow and carry on as if its a normal day (well its Sunday anyway)

Love to you all tonight xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, I second that .......I am fed up of looking back over what has been. 

I am at home watching tv and hoping to be in bed before the New Year!! Lets look forward to a fertile year for all of us in 2012 and maybe we can rename this thread to 'looking forward to Christmas with our babies' before next Christmas!!!!

Big hugs to you all  xxxxx


----------



## smc81

Stubborn - my heart really goes out to you. I know she is your sister, but how awful! I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it (and by it I mean all of it!) but I don't see how people can be so insensitive! I know that none of us is perfect but it seems to me that the ones who have everything really do not appreciate what they have. Especially those who have babies so easily, they have no idea what it truly means to really want a child.

I am sick of feeling angry and hurt, so I am going to try in 2012 to be more positive and to stop allowing others to have the power to control how my mood goes. We'll just have to see how that one goes!

Sending you all lots of love tonight xx


----------



## Purple Star

Well ladies, we have made it!! Happy New Year to you all, I   that one way or another all of our dreams come true in 2012. 

Thank you for the support over the last few weeks, this thread has been a god-send.

Lots of love xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Happy new year ladies - we made it


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Happy New Year my lovelies!!! 

My AF arrived at midnight so ready to start cycling again this month!!! 

Thank you for all the support over the last few weeks. Hoping we can continue supporting each other through the rest of our journey in 2012. 

xxxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Happy new year ladies. May it be a fun and fertile one 
Today is a day to wipe the slate clean and look forward positively xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all.

Hope everyone is well? Are we a ll back in work tomorrow after the Christmas Break? Its my first day back after 11 days off and it will be the first test of the New Year as 4 of my colleagues are pregnant and they are all due to go off on maternity leave in the next few months. Just getting used to the fact that they are pregnant but now I will have to deal with all the fuss as they prepare to go off and the baby showers (not that I will go but will have the build up to them to cope with).  My boss is leaving at the end of Jan too and she has been great while we have been going through treatment so really sad to see her go and slightly anxious as to who will take her place.  My supervisor is one of the pregnant women so I will also be allocated a new supervisor when she starts maternity leave at the end of Feb and there are only a tiny amount of people who I would want to trust with the fact that we are going through treatment so worried about who I will be allocated to supervise me.  I have been very lucky up until now just hope that I get someone who is understanding and empathetic. 

Sorry to moaning, just needed to get it off my chest. 

On a more positive note I can ring the clinic tomorrow and schedule dates for treatment and order my drugs!! Looking forward to getting started now. 

Hope everyone else is good. 

xxx


----------



## Purple Star

PP, yep back at work tomorrow for me. Have no idea how I'm going to get up at 6 am after all these lie-ins! Plus DH has another week before he goes back to school so can stay in bed! I hope everything works out ok with your new supervisor and that you can cope ok with the pregnant ladies. Stay strong!   Great news that you can get started though.

Love to all xxxx


----------



## A J

Hi Ladies,

Yesterday I took down the tree and decs (good riddance) and had a full on clean. It did make me feel better, starting fresh etc, etc.
Today I have been therapeutic shopping as DH at football...I did enjoy some ME time!

DH back at work tomorrow, going to really miss him being around as I am off until next Mon potentially longer as I'm a supply teacher so may not get work straight away.
Tomorrow I have my lining scan for FET next week (hopefully), so a little anxious. If ok then I will be flying out to Spain on Wed so will def have to take a bit of extra time off work. I'm planning on flying in for transfer and flying back out the same night as dont want to stay away on my own. DH cant take more than a day off so he could come with me for the day- so hate this uncertainty, having to book flights last minute etc.
At the moment I have been put on antibiotics for a throat infection. The doctor told me that it was safe to take with progynova and prostap I'm on but I'm still worried that its not wise to take together but want to get it shifted before transfer. I have been feeling really run down after m/c last month so its just a symptom of that I guess.

Anyway, thats me today, not doing too bad. I hope you are all doing ok too.
Hugs to everyone
AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone!
Firmly back in my little home nest... feels SO good.  We did it!!  I'm with you AJ - I just spent the afternoon unpacking and took down all the decorations as i just want to get on with 2012 and whatever that may bring   Christened my new teapot (v important) and went for a 3mile-ish run.  Ran hard (well the adrenalin did the most of it) which means I'm nicely shattered so I can sleep well tonight.
Done all the family visits, have to keep checking in with them this week (complicated, but stepmother has to be a witness in a court case, mother is still requiring some support via phone) but from next week I plan to cut down the calls to only once a week.  Fingers crossed.

It's been so nice to share my Xmas madness with you all.  And I think our thread shows that coping with Christmas can be so difficult in many different ways.  You ladies are a very inspiring bunch - I hope everyone realises how strong we all are.  I really hope that 2012 brings us all some happiness and peace.

Anyway - PP - I'm back to work tomorrow   Christ only knows what I will go back to - possibility of redundancy looms - but I have told myself that whatever happens DH and I will face it, take one day at a time and ride the storm or bask in the sunshine!

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## SuzieW

Back at work and back away from home again - the holidays go too fast!

AJ - good luck with your scan today: let's hope FET goes ahead next week and you can christen this board with it's first BFP!

Katie Kate - I'm with you on wiping the slate clean: 2012 is a new start for us all and some of us WILL get our little miracles this year 

PP - Uncertainty can be the worst thing.  I really hope you end up with a supervisor you can trust as I imagine that support at work is invaluable.

Emmieflo - your MIL sounds like a nightmare.  Glad you're DH is understanding and supportive of you with is as, in my experience, situations with the in laws can be the most challenging aspect in this IF journey when it comes to how it affects our relationships with DHs.

Stubborn - sorry to hear your sister was insensitive.  Rant away here.  The problem is people who have not been through IF just cannot understand.  Have you read "So Close" by Tertia Albertyn?  I'd highly recommend it as a good read anyway, but I lent it to my sister and it really helped her to understand what I was going through (that said, she did then go and get pregnant the next month...!)

Hi to Purple, Mrs P, Vicky, Tommi, Woodwich, SMC, (hugs), Caz, JillyHen, NurseJue and anyone else who's been following us 

Who's having treatment this month (other than AJ of course)?  I hope we can now start to support each other through some more positive times that bring lots of good news 

AFM: after 1st IVF failed in November, we're having an (enforced) break while I work away for 3-4 months and will start treatment when I get back (so hopefully April/May time).  Cycle 1 didn't exactly go to plan - it wasn't a text book BFN - so people will be watching our 2nd cycle with much curiosity to see if we had bad luck or a more serious issue to contend with.  If it's scenario 2, I suspect next step will be to go to a more specialist clinic to bring out the big guns - I'm thinking Lister and Serum based on reviews and success rates, but let's hope it doesn't come to that 

Much love to all xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi Ladies - Sorry I've been really poor at getting on here over the last few days. Blame the curse of hubbie being home- its like having a child I never get 5 mins peace. Well we made it through and I'm really hoping that 2012 will be our year. I'm very much in the camp that its never going to happen for me I feel like I'm going through the motions to satisfy everyone and prove a point. Also call me bitter and twisted but I also get peeved off with all those people who get pg and almost want them to suffer, a little, like we all have.  My ttc is put on hold until earliest March as a result of my prolactin levels being too high and needing sorting out. The drugs are making me feel sick which is not a good thing (much rather it'd be morning sickness - lol). 

You all really have made me feel sane over the last few weeks and not a hideous nasty evil childless witch. I have questioned that given some people's insensitive comments at times. 

My New Year's resolution make time for me and hubbie and not feel obligated to family when we don't get the same respect back. Its our time and our year. 

I hope that work is not too awful for those gone back. The weather is horrific down here so I'm staying indoors.

Love and hope to all
xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening everyone   and happy new year to you all 
yay we all made it through...2012 hoping is going to be a good year for me and all you lovely ladies  
got up today fresh as a daisy poured out all the left over wine and food went shopping got some more vitamins, and fresh veg, salad and fruit total detox before i start FET no more chocolate now first day done so thats a success up to now!!
waiting for my follow up now the clinic are back to normal cant wait just want a date so i can get started, as I'm due on soon so if i miss this one will have to wait for my next AF  

hope everyones OK?


----------



## jen747

Evening ladies,

What a horrible day today! Fingers crossed for better weather tomorrow - I was well and truly windswept and soaked when I got to work this morning!

Really don't like my job so going back today (after two weeks holiday) was quite tough. 

Hope everyone else made it through today and here's hoping that this year is a good year for all of us. 

xx


----------



## SuzieW

Afternoon Humbugs 

Vicky - It sounds bad to actually write it down, but I so know where you're coming from about wanting others to suffer when we have to - it makes me so angry when people blink and get pregnant and even more so when those same ones then dare to complain about it    What do high prolactin levels mean? That's not one I've come across before.

Hugs - You are very disciplined - all that wine down the sink?    Hope your clinic can fit you in before AF starts so you can get cracking with treatment

Jen - Going back after 2 weeks off is tough even when you do like your job, so all the worse when you don't  Hope the 3 day week goes quickly for you.

Hi to everyone else - hope this first week back isn't proving too much!

Suzie x


----------



## A J

Actually Im not keen on January either, not only Crimbo and NY- anyone else?

Or, could I just be not keen on the same old trying, failing, feeling sad, getting some hope back cycle which Im stuck in!

I had my lining scan for frozen transfer yesterday and it was only 5.9 so they have upped my meds and the transfer date has been changed from next Wed 11th to Friday 13th- *FRIDAY 13TH* (who on earth flies out to Spain and has a transfer on FRIDAY 13TH?) me!!!

So typical, still they say unlucky for some. Maybe it will work in reverse for me and actually be lucky 

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

How is everyone? 

AJ, I think maybe you are right, I think all the bad luck will be reversed and having your FET on Fri 13th will be lucky for you. We need a bfp to start us off on this thread!!!! 

Our drugs are all ordered and paid for and will be delivered next Fri. I was initially excited about starting again but know Im just scared and all my positive thinking and optimism has gone. Is this normal when you have had one failed cycle

Vicky and Suzie, I too hate it when pregnant women moan about being pregnant. One of the women who I work with who is pregnant spent ages telling me how awful it was trying to get pregnant as it took them so long......5 months!!! and then all she has done is moan about being tired or having to buy new clothes!!! 

Jen, I dont like my job much either. It is hard going back isnt it?? 

Hugs, hope you get to go with this cycle and not have to wait. 

Vicky, I like you New Year's resolution. I think we all spend too much time trying to please other people and ignore our own needs. I started doing what I wanted to do at the end of last year as Id had enough of doing what everyone else wanted or expected of me. My family didnt take it very well but they will just have to get used to it. 

xxxx


----------



## A J

Cant believe Im still on holidays...schools here not back until next Monday. Still, shouldnt moan but feel like I have been off forever. As a supply teacher I amy well be off for longer too, waiting for people to go off sick so I can jump in their shoes!

PP...I know what you mean about the lack of optimism after a failed cycle. I have lost a little bit more belief that Im going to have a baby with every cycle that fails. Im spending ages on the internet looking up things from immume issues to different clinics. I know I need to concentrate with the FET cycle Im currently in, but so hard.

As for pregnant women complaining...dont get me started...I really feel that some people dont deserve children and of course feel resentful that they have or are having them. I find it hard even to watch pregnant women on tv etc. Think Im losing the plot at times. At least those blooming Crimbo adverts have gone!

Bit stressed today as not many flights going from near  here to Alicante for next Friday and have to wait until after the scan on Monday to confirm that Im going anyway and to start the cyclogest.

Hope everyone getting through January ok...they dont call it the January blues for nothing xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey everyone 

How are we all?

Im back to work after the new year, ive only worked 2 days and im shattered!!

Why do pregnant women complain every time i hear someone give off i feel like thumping them.. If they had to go through what we have then they would shut up..

We go next thur to our planning appointment and now i want to move house.. Have just seen a lovely one on a website.. I think im having a mid life crisis on my early 30's..

Roll on payday.. I hate Jan as its a long month when you paid monthly..

Could we not change the title of this thread to coping with life?

Jillyhen


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Sorry for just jumping in but only just found this thread today!
At the start of December I posted on the general site about this very subject, but only got two replies!
As a teacher (but not yet a mum!), I find Christmas particularly hard and this year was worse - we had a cancelled tx in September due to poor response. I am very conscious that I made up for this by being extremely generous in my present giving at school and with my relatives. I've been very sensitive to "older" relatives comments of: "Well, they have no family to spend their money on" this year.
On a positive note we have an initial consultation next Monday (16th) for DE. Here's hoping 2012 will be successful for many of us!
Mojo


----------



## SuzieW

Afternoon ladies,

AJ - do you use skyscanner.net?  It's really good for finding out alternative routes/nearby airports and who flies where - there's an interactive map thingy that you can just hover over to see what routes exist between 2 particular countries/cities or whatever.  Also, if you can't get a flight to Alicante, it might be worth considering Murcia as it's not far away (maybe an hour's drive).  Good luck! I hope it all falls into place for you.

Mojo - what mean comments from your relatives.  Do they know your situation? I always feel annoyed about the assumptions that people make about our financial sitiation:  our friends know that DH and I both have well-paid jobs, so they assume we have loads of spare cash and if we're not spending it visibly we're being tight.  If only they knew that actually we have very little spare cash as every penny has to go towards treatment.

Jilly - I agree with a title change: maybe something about coping with calendar events as, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm not exactly looking forwards to Mothers' Day either!  Perhaps something a little catchier than "coping with calendar events" though  Any suggestions?

Hope everyone else is well.

Suzie x


----------



## MrsPootle

Feeling a bit January blues x 1 million today... but wanted to say to AJ - I passed my driving test on the 4th attempt on Friday 13th - so I deffo think it's a lucky omen for you!

I'm off to hibernate for the weekend I think... may be back on later 


MrsP
x


----------



## Stubborn

Just a quick one (DH wants the laptop!)
I just want to say hi to everyone and I really do want this thread to continue as so many posts echo how I feel totally.
You are all great support  

Role on the longer, lighter evenings eh (Oh, and I usually end up in tears at some point on Mothers Day, and when I see Fathers Day cards in the shops and can't get one for my lovely DH)  

Take care and be gentle on yourselves xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Mrs Pootle, Im planning on hibernating this weekend too!!! Must be the time of year!!


----------



## koral

Hi Guys 
I'm new on the forum,and I really shouldn't be writing this as I'm already late but hey Don't tell my Husband who is walking the dogs to save me some time
Christmas is the worst time of year for us and has been since we found out about our problems.Last year it was sooooooooo hard ,I cried all the time and spent almost all day in the bathroom sorting up my make up.Few weeks earlier we had a BFN after 2 IVF.
My Family knows about it but not always understands ,so 'I wish you had a baby soon' killed me completely.
This year we said 'enough is enough' .We rented a small holiday house and left in Christmas Eve ,got back 4 days later.And you know what?That was the best(and bravest) decision ever!We got dressed only to walk the dogs,spent all the time in bed watching Dexter ,enjoying peace and quiet,no mobile phones,nothing at all,just us!
A lot of people thought we were selfish to leave our families over this time -well,hallo!I'd get in mental hospital if we didn't do this!We did explain how hard Christmas time was for us-if they understood-great,if they didn't-not my problem.
I have also find out on another fertility forum that 99% people would love to do the same as we did.
That was my best Christmas Ever but I also believe our last without a Little One!


----------



## A J

Morning ladies,

Strange but on this thread I seem to connect more to you all than I do anywhere else. Identification with others in the same situation really helps so a big thank you all    xx I feel the same as you stubborn, there are reminders all through the year that we are not mothers. Mothers Day is a huge one for me, especially since I lost my mum too. I feel totally lost on that day. Its such a shame that society is ruled by dates and events, most of which are money making ventures anyway. But there are such huge expectations and pressure that we have to celebrate everything and be happy.

Koral....that sounds like the best idea for Christmas. DH and myself talked about it but were not brave enough to do it, it sounds like it has worked though so if I find myself in the same (please not!) baby-less or pregnant-less situation then maybe that would be an option. My dog would have loved it too instead of being stuck home alone while we visited the outlaws for dinner! xx

MrsP...I know, its only superstition and you have helped confirm that positive things happen on Friday 13th too. Thank you. My birthday is on 13th so every now and again I get a birthday on Friday 13th and nothing ever bad has happened. xx

Suzie...thanks for the info on Skyscanner net, I will check it out this evening. "coping with calender events" sounds good. xx
Or like Jillyhen said "coping with life".

Penelope Pitstop....enjoy hibernation xx

Mojo72....hi, welcome. I know totally what you mean about it being difficult in school at Christmas. All the children (and staff) being so excited and I had to hide my feelings and pretend that I was looking forward to the big day when infact I was dreading it. As for the rellies, it is so hard not to scream at them when they come up with such insensitive comments (might shut them up if we did!)  Good luck for Monday 16th. I have had a DE cycle and am having a frozen DE tx next week, mine was after 2 ivf which were cancelled due to poor response. Its such a huge step forward. PM me if you want a chat xx

Everyone else I haven't mentioned, you are not forgotten....hope you are all OK?

The sun is actually shining here today so I'm going to try to enjoy it. DH is with his son (which I hate!! but have to put up with the situation) so a day to myself. 

Love and hugs
AJ xxx


----------



## Purple Star

Morning all, hope everyone is doing ok today? Lots of   to those feeling the January blues.

Koral, that sounds like the perfect Christmas! Like AJ, we talked about it but weren't brave enough to do it. Really wish we had as I spent most of christmas trying to hold back the tears.

AJ, I'm keeping everything crossed for you and   that Friday the 13th will turn out to be a really lucky day for you. Hope you can get the flights sorted ok and that transfer goes smoothly.

Mojo, welcome  

MrsP and PP, enjoy hibernating!

Hi to everyone else, hope you all have a good weekend.

xxxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Afternoon ladies

Koral what a lovely christmas, i would love to do that but me and hubby would argueon what to watch as i love all the police dramas..

Aj, hope fri 13th is a good omen for you..

There must b summit in the air as ive nothing planned for all this weekend and not even in the mood to socialize which is not like me at all.. I amd out tomorrow nite for a belated xmas nite out with the ones from the pub i work in occassionally which wot be very wise..

Must go and get some cleaning done, house is a tip and i need to take the dog out for a walk  casting terribly.

Have a nice weekend

Jillyhen x


----------



## Debs

Ladies if you can come with a new name you all like then Im happy to change it for you  

Love

Debs xxx


----------



## justone

Some great suggestions have been made so far... or what about simply calling it *Coping with...* so that we can talk about almost anything such as insensitive comments, big occasions, difficult situations etc?


----------



## Kitty71

Hi ladies,

I haven't posted on here for a while but after getting through christmas remarkably well I'm having a meltdown now   . I think maybe it's because of another possible BFN around the corner. I can't even face going to the supermarket today because it will be filled with the usual happy familes and babies in shopping trollies. I wish there were adult only shops.

Sorry about the me post. 

I'll read back and catch up with you all.

xx


----------



## Purple Star

Kitty, I felt exactly the same as you yesterday about the shops. Went to the supermarket to stock up on lots of fruit/veg/brazil nuts etc for my cycle and everywhere I looked there was either a massive bump or a baby in a trolley. I can't bear it   I swear I have some sort of force field that attracts babys/pregnant women to me. Lots of   When are you starting your next cycle?

Hope everyone has had a good weekend xxx


----------



## A J

I thought it was just me....that I was being a pregnant woman or woman with baby magnet!! They are everywhere. 
Also, how annoying is that advert that keeps coming on for actimel and breast feeding? I have to switch over when it comes on. Channel 5 is the worst!!  

I have wracked my brains for a name for this thread- I think the medication has frazzled it as Im stumped.
We do need one though as not sure if we can keep going without?

Loads of good suggestions here. Something like as has been mentioned - coping with...the triggers of life...a day at a time... mmmm?

Or,
I get by with a little help from my friends?

Im losing the plot now.

I do hope everyone is ok, those of you in hibernation over the weekend I hope you are well under there?

Love and hugs,
AK xx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
As the others have said, I too notice pregnant ladies and people with prams/toddlers everywhere now  
My DH today suggested going to the cinema. We went to see 'The Iron Lady' as he said we could guarantee their wouldn't be any kids watching it!
Mojo


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, yes those adverts are so annoying!! I also keep seeing the clear blue ovulation one at the moment. That smug women who makes it seem like all you need to do is poas and hey presto you'll be up the duff! Why didn't I think of that?!! I just want to slap her  Hope you are feeling well in yourself ready for transfer?

Mojo, hope you enjoyed the film.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a baby/pregnant women magnet, although obviously wish none of us had it!

xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening ladies  

oh my i have to second, third that everwhere i seem to go also is a women with a bump or a small child i went to asda yesterday for a walk round by myself and to grab a few things!! well every i went there was children or pregnant women   i mean for peeps sake give us a break!!

i totally agree the adverts just keep coming have you seen the new mac Donald's one ladies?? were the lady is mad with her husband and she's having a scan, than he walks in with a chicken burger for 99p and shes no longer in a mood. how annoying!!

I'm also glad that this isn't just me thinking like this   hope everyone is well?


----------



## Purple Star

Hugs, I've not seen that one yet but it sounds hideous! Have you had your review appointment yet? 

xx


----------



## Kitty71

Morning ladies,

Purple Star I start jabbing for tx #5 on the 26th. How about you are you do a medicated or natural fet??

Has anyone mentioned "One Born Every Minute" yet on this thread. I think that that is just about the ultimate torture.

Anyway lets hope we all have a good week. I think that today is officially the most depressing day of the year, and I think they must be right by how I'm feeling.


----------



## SuzieW

Ladies,

Sorry I've been AWOL over the weekend - the WIFI is still down at my apartment - getting angry now!    

As for a thread name - here are a few of the suggestions going round: cast your votes and we can let Debs know ready for a big re-brand!

1) Coping with....

2) Coping with Life

3) I get by with a little help from my friends

4) Losing the plot now.

5) Bah Humbug to Annual Events

Also, something inspired me this morning to look into what chinese year it would be this year (long story) and this is what I found:

"According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, which begins on January 23, 2012 and ends on February 9, 2013.  In ancient China, the celestial Dragon represents an emperor and  power. Today, it  is the ultimate auspicious symbol signifying success and happiness.  May the celestial Dragon bring great good luck to everyone."

As opposed to:

"According to the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of 2011 is the Year of the Golden Rabbit, which begins on February 3, 2011 and ends on January 22, 2012.  According to Chinese tradition, the Rabbit brings a year in which you can catch your breath and calm your nerves.  It is a time for negotiation.  Don't try to force issues, because if you do you will ultimately fail.  To gain the greatest benefits from this time, focus on home, family, security, diplomacy, and your relationships with women and children.  Make it a goal to create a safe, peaceful lifestyle, so you will be able to calmly deal with any problem that may arise."

I'm not very supersticious myself if I'm honest, but I like the idea of this year being about luck, success and happiness     

Will do personals later.  Love to everyone in the meantime xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies  

I like "Coping with..." That should get us through mothers day, fathers day and any other day designed to make just about everyone feel inadequate!  

SuzieW - love the sound on the Year of the Dragon! Can't wait!

Kitty71 - for some reason I really like One Born Every Minute. Not sure why that doesn't wind me up... maybe I need to give it time!

Have a good day everyone 

T xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

How are you all?

I think renaming the thread "coping with" sounds good as it covers all areas we can moan about...

I had seeing the averts and the mcdonalds one winds me up..

Im not sure if i had mentioned this or head as ive a brain like a goldfish!! When i asked my parents for a loan so that we could have another cycle of ivf mum replied i dont why you want to spend all that money when it wont work, i still believe how imsensitive she was it was ok for her she had 2 successful pregnancies i texted my sis and she rang and gave off to her..

We collect our drugs on thur and im starting to brick it..

Jillyhen


----------



## Purple Star

Kitty, I'm doing a medicated FET and have been down regging for nearly a week. I can't bring myself to watch one born every minute, I would be in tears the whole time.

I like 'coping with' as well.

Jillyhen, what an awful thing for your mum to say! 

Hope everyone is having a good Monday.
xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi Ladies.

I like Coping with as well as it covers a multitude of sins doesn't it. I hate mothers day and fathers day. I actually buy a card for my dh for my stepson (don't ask why his mother won't!!!!). I really want to be doing it from my child and have such great ideas but resent using them on someone else's son (*AJ* i'm sure you'd relate..)

I love the fact that you ladies feel like me. My mum thinks I'm a nutcase for not wanting to leave the house or get dressed somedays and it causes arguments. You girlies make me realise I'm sane.

My latest bug is that our local Tesco's has the pg tests, ovulation kits etc down the same aisle as the baby stuff. So I stood there on Sat morning with DH discussing the pros and cons of the tests in preparation of more ttc to come face to face with a mother and baby. I decided to talk really loudly so she heard the words IVF etc. Petty and perhaps not nice but I wanted her to feel slightly guilty for having something I didn't. 

*Purple star* - I'm not sure anyone doing ttc could watch that programme I can't even look at the trailers. How's the dr going??

*AJ* - Not long and I hope you get the flights sorted out

*Jillyhen* - thats the trouble until you've done this you can't possibly even try to understand what its like. I actually think that is what makes us all worse the lack of understanding and sensitivity. It puts you more on edge as though you are trying to prove a point.

Anyway heres to more rants and hopefully a good year for us.

xx


----------



## Purple Star

Vickytick, your comment about talking really loud about IVF made me giggle! I know what you mean though, some people have no idea how difficult it is for some people. Down regging is fine thanks; I'm on the one off injection so not got any sniffing or jabbing to do.

I'm afraid I've got a bit of a rant ladies...

I have one friend at work (other than my boss) who knows about the IVF and has been a fantastic support to me throughout my cycles. She has a young daughter and told me a few months ago that they were going to start trying for another. My first thought was 'oh great, there's another person who will get pregnant before me!' but I'm used to that now. 

Well we were having a tea break and as we often do, got talking about ttc. She started off by saying that she's read a book which says fertility declines sharply at 35 (she has just turned 35), and how it had made her stomach lurch that she might not get pregnant easily. Then she said that her 1st period after ttc was a few days late and she thought she was pregnant, and that she was really really disappointed that it hadn't happened straight away. She then went on and on about how terrified she is that it will take them longer than the few months it took the first time. I just said there gobsmacked that she thought I was a good person to share this with - she knows we are on our 3rd cycle, I probably don't ovulate and my DH has a v low count and she thinks she's got problems!! I was fuming inside and actually really disappointed in her as I've often told her about insensitive things other people have said.

Later on that day we were having a team resource planning meeting - to cut a long story short she has some big deadlines in September and said to our boss: 'if I had known those deadlines weren't until September I would have gone and had another baby quickly'. Again, this was in front of me.   

..and breathe! Sorry ladies but I needed to get it off my chest as it's really been bothering me.

I'm sure she doesn't think about how these comments may affect me and maybe I'm over reacting, but I now feel like I don't want to confide in her anymore and found myself avoiding her this afternoon (not in an obvious way but not going out of my way to talk to her). I guess everyone thinks their problems are the worst but if she carries on like this I won't be able to cope!

Sorry again for the me post xxxx


----------



## Caz

Hi ladies. 


I know you're still under negotiation over a new name but meanwhile, we've recognised a bit of a gap on FF for general emotional support like this so I've moved this thread into a brand new home. Carry on as you were. 

C~x


----------



## SuzieW

Caz/Debs - so far there seems to be unanimous support for "Coping With..." so rename away (hope people will still be able to find us is a new place with a new name   )


----------



## SuzieW

Ladies,

Vickytick - it really annoys me too how they position stuff in a supermarket together, not just the ttc stuff, but also all the tampons etc - just to rub a bit of extra salt in the wound when the witch has just arrived or your buying "lady products" as a reminder that you're STILL not pregnant and then there's all the pregnancy stuff right night to it.  Stupid male supermarket merchandisers    

Purple - People thinking they understand because it's taken them a few months to conceive is quite insulting isn't it? My sister is a bit like that as it took her 7 months to get pregnant with her 2nd child and has said to me countless times "I kind of understand - I remember what it was like when we were trying to get pregnant with G" - no - you don't understand - 6 months of failed POS when you've already got one child so know that the likelihood is nothing's wrong (and in fact just weren't timing things right) is not the same as 3 years of failed cycles, clomid, injections, procedures, ivf, then still no baby.  Grrrr.  Glad DR is going fine - when do you start stabbing?

Jilly - I can't believe your Mum responded like that!  I struggle with the opposite, as I think I've said, that people seem to assume that once you start treatment problem solved as surely it works for everyone.  I hope she realises how insensitive she's being or that you have other options to fund IVF  

AJ - are you still on schedule to fly tomorrow? How exciting! Hope everything's going as planned.

Kitty - when we first started ttc I liked watching one born every minute as I found it 'educational'   but now I can't watch anything like that.  I find programmes like "16 and pregnant" even more offensive!

(Hugs) - glad I'm out of the UK for now as by the sound of it I wouldn't like that McDonalds add at all.  Advertisers sometimes just must not think.  Or maybe we're considered a small minority that it doesn't matter if they alienate us... There was another advert with a woman having a scan recently too that I couldn't watch.  Can't remember which is was now - that one was more in the vein of 'look at this wonderful family moment' - bleugh

Mojo - love the idea of choosing a bit of Maggie Thatcher to ensure not kids!   Was it any good?

Hi to Mrs P, Penelope, Tommi, Koral, Justone, Stubborn, Caz, Debs plus anyone who's not posted in a while  

AFM: my new boss started yesterday.  It's early days, but so far seems like an improvement on the last one.  Almost blew it though when I was googling something IF related and had a load of screens with fetus pics on my screen when he walked over!     Fortunately I think I clicked away before he saw anything    Would be disastrous if my work knew we were 'planning' to get pregnant!


----------



## malbec

Hey ladies, I just came across this thread and wanted to wish you all a good new year. I hope 2012 brings you everything you wish for.

I still don't watch One Born Every Minute and I still refuse to buy things from JoJo Maman Bebe after they bombarded me with marketing emails and post for months despite repeatedly unsubscribing (just because i'd had to buy something from them for a work colleague's maternity leave presents several years ago).

I tell anyone who asks whether we have twins 'in the family' or whether it was 'a big shock' that we had IVF and people who suggest it must be a negative thing having two I make a point of saying 'it feels right having two children by now actually as it took us so long to get them'.

Massive hugs, support and understanding.

xxx


----------



## Purple Star

Susie, thank you for understanding. You're right 'insulting' is the word. I also wanted to point out to her that everytime we try it costs us thousands of pounds! We dont have the luxury of being able to try each month for free. I have a pre-stim scan next Wednesday so hopefully can start stimming then. It's with tablets so looking forward to that instead of jabbing. I'm glad your new boss seems to be an improvement, and hopefully you clicked away in time!  

Malbec, thanks for your kind words

xx


----------



## Kitty71

Morning girls,

Hi Malbec, remember me You, I and Slug had our own little thread many moons ago    can't even remember what it was now. Congrats on your twinnies.

Just wishing you all a good day, I was going to have a rant about something on the telly last night but I've frogotten what it was   .

k xx


----------



## SuzieW

Hi Malbec - I love your responses to peoples questions.  How true that after trying for so long twins seems about right!!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How are you all?

Ive just had a quick read thru your posts..

Purple others must think ivf is free, folk can be really insensitive.

I had checked my emails this morning only to find that ive paid for summit over my pay pal, so ive spent 30 mins on thep hone to them trying to sort it out so fingers crossed i will have a refund.. Its only £26.72 but its the middle of jan which is a long enough month anyway, colnt believe the cheek of the hacker!! I did wonder why i had transferred cash it didnt show.. Now i know  Raging isnt the word..

Caz, where do we find us know?

Jillyhen


----------



## (hugs)

just a quick replay Purple Star i haven't heared anything from my clinic yet i cant believe were in Jan and i haven't had my follow up. since getting my BFN in early December Ive been left with no answers etc....

everyday the post man comes i rush to see if it off them but unfortunately not!! at this rate I'm going to be starting in February! 

hope the down regging is going alright? and a big hello to everyone else


----------



## Purple Star

hugs, how frustrating! Could you give them a ring to try and get a review booked in? Hope you get it sorted soon  

xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

thanks purple star   if i have not heared anything by the end of the week. Monday morning I'm going to ring them...as i think there taking the "beep" lol


----------



## malbec

hey ladies, yes i remember Kitty


----------



## Katie Kate

Hi ladies,
Sorry I haven't posted for a while- I hope everyone is ok and not getting too frustrated with all of the insensitive friends/ family/ colleagues and strangers! 
Not much going on with me, got to go for updated fsh in a few weeks which I'm quite nervous about & then appt to hopefully start ivf on 31 jan.
Talking of upsetting/ rediculous things than seem to happen to us... I went for a smear the other day and she couldn't work out why I was down to have a flu jab... Finally realised it's because the system still thinks I'm pregnant  :-(
Also received a free baby bottle through the post the other day :-(

And while I'm ranting- why do my family insist on telling me every single detail about their friends pregnancies like because i want to get pregnant I must want to know how well everyone else is doing!

Also currently trying to avoid the baby shower I've been invited to I a few weeks time- there will be more pregnant people there than not And I don't fancy that one bit!
Anyway- nearly half way through the week :-/
X


----------



## SuzieW

Afternoon ladies,

KatieKate - No to Baby Showers and Christenings! You have to protect yourself, so unless you really want to go, don't feel obligated to spare anyone else's feelings - they won't spare yours!  I had a similar thing a few months ago when  friend of mine had her daughter Christened: she is one of the few people who do know about our problems - I made the mistake of telling her we were trying before we knew we had problems, she started trying after, so it's a particular punch in the stomach.  Anyway, she had the baby Christened in August and for ages I was sitting on the fence about whether to go.  In the end I decided i just really didn't want to and the only reason I would go was for the sake of politeness, so I didn't.  I think my friend was a bit peed off by it, but I really don't think my attendance would have made or broken the christening, so I'm still glad I avoided it.  Do what's right for you.  Als0: how awful about your trip to the doctors and the free baby bottle 

AJ - are you Alicante bound?  I hope so x

Jilly - Cheeky sods hacking your paypal account.  I must check mine for unlawful activity! Are you excited about starting stabbing tomorrow?

(hugs) - I'd be tempted to get onto the clinic today: that way, they can tell you if something is already in the post, then at least you know to be patient, but if you've dropped off the system you might spur them into action sooner rather than later   

Hi &   to everyone else xx


----------



## jen747

Hello everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been reading though and spend all my time reading your posts and nodding in agreement! I love that I am not the only person who struggles with stupid adverts on the tv or insensitive people. One of my friends sent me a text this week telling me that she had been for her 12 week scan (2nd baby) and going on about how glad she was that there was only one baby and not twins. Seriously..I would give my right arm for twins! I think people who haven't been through this really don't realise how much it affects you and how fragile you can end up. I think they just don't think.

I had a follow up last week after our BFN on xmas eve and as expected they had nothing to tell us. They just don't know why it isn't working for us as we seem to create good embies they just don't implant. I was supposed to having my final nhs funded fresh cycle starting on my next AF (end of Jan) but things have got a bit complicated. I have thryoid problems and have been taking thyroxine for the last year and it has been stable and controlled. However, I had it checked last week and my TSH and free T4 have both risen. I had an appointment with my doctor last night who said she doesn't know what to do as giving me more thyroxine will lower the TSH but make the T4 rise. So I am waiting to hear what I should do. My doctor did say that I should put the ivf on hold till they work out how to stabilise my thyroid. FFS - it doesn't get any easier does it!!

Rant over.

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

I havent posted for a while as hubby has been working away and took the computer.  I've tried to catch up on all the posts but Im not going to do personals as there are far too many!!! 

As for being a magnet for pregnant women I can totally relate to that. Everywhere I go I seem to attract someone who is pregnant or who has just given birth. I thought it was just me but maybe there are just more pregnant women around at the moment??!!!  In work there are 4 pregnant women who are all just about to go off on maternity leave. Work is hell at the moment as everyone is fussing over their ever expanding bumps. I find myself looking at them in awe whilst also not wanting to be anywhere near them!!!! 

The TV adds are doing my head in too. I keep seeing the clear blue ovulation sticks one which is midly irritating and the McDonalds one now too!!! Just when we thought we could escape the ads because Christmas was over we get another fresh batch!!! 

As for the name of the thread, I like 'coping with.....'. as it covers everything that we find tough (which is alot lets be honest!!!). 

I hope everyone is well and getting through January ok. Is it me or does it seem to be going very slowly? Perhaps that because Im counting down to start treatment??

I know I said I wasnt going to personals but I just wanted to ask, AJ, have you had your scan and booked your flight for FET? 

xxx


----------



## Purple Star

katie kate, how awful about the flu jab and bottle, sending lots of   your way. There is no way I would go to a baby shower, I cannot think of anything worse right now, so I would definitely be making my excuses!

Jen, I hope you get the thyroid issues sorted soon and can crack on with your next cycle. How frustrating!

AJ, is everything set for Friday?

Hugs, like Susie I would get onto the clinic now (unless of course you received the letter today!).

PP,  . I agree about time going slowly - I feel like I have been down regging for weeks but in fact it's only been one week and still have another to go.

I've just seen an advert for a programme on tonight - 'how to be a good mother', which is on straight after one born every minute! So thanks very much channel 4 for yet another programme reminding me that we still don't have a child! grrrrrr!   

Hope everyone is well?

Lots of   to all

xxx


----------



## A J

Hi everyone,

Just a quickie to say hi   
I have to get up at 4am to get to the airport. Bricking it at mo.

Let you know how I got on at weekend.

Hope everyone is doing ok?

AJ xx


----------



## (hugs)

Hey everyone,

just a quick one from me just wanted to say hi to all and hope everyone is well?  

just to update i finally have my follow up on Monday   thanks purple star and Suzie but i don't have to ring now so chuffed finally get some much wanted for questions answered and hopefully get the ball rolling  

well i shall let u no how i get on next Mon, takecare all


----------



## SuzieW

AJ - woowoo! Have a good flight and let us know how you get on


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, sending lots of luck your way    Hope transfer goes smoothly.

Hugs, great news re appointment. Yes, let us know how you get on.

Hope everyone has a good day, it's nearly the weekend! xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* - You probably won't read this now but GOOD LUCK hun  

*Katie Kate*- that must be awful getting things like that through the post still. It makes me think twice about how early I register with the midwife next time after my m/c (positive thinking eh!!). People think because you want to get pg you are an expert on the how process and want to share in other people's pg's.

*Jen747* - I really hope that it gets sorted out for you. Sometimes it feels like one step forward ten back doesn't it. You can't help but get knocked down by it. 

*Suziew* - Agree with you about your sister. TTC naturally for a few months is NOTHING like the years of tests, poking and proding, ups and downs we all have to undertake. My dh family aren't great at support this process. I'm sure they think we're over exaggerating it all and my dh already has a son so its not such an issues for them. My sil is now working with a lady who is on her 4th cycle she now seems to be an expert on the process saying I now see how hard it is for you (no you don't) but what is insulting is why she listens to a stranger but not us after all this time. People really do think IVF is the works for everyone solution - IF ONLY.

*Jillyhen* - hope you've got it sorted that is my worse fear with those things. Its another stress you don't 
need. 

*(hugs) * - good luck Monday hope you get all the answers you want. 

*Penelope Pitstop* - When do you start, begin of Feb??

*Malbec*- I love the reply. I'm a twin myself through fertility treatment (wonders of treatment nearly 40 years ago..) so I automatically get people saying oh you might have twins so I have to say no I'm the result of fertility treatment so its unlikely. But I would like it as I know what its like and its a ready made family.

*Purplestar* - how are you??

Hello to everyone else. Not much for me at the moment waiting until my prolactin levels, they're too high stopping me ovulating, have dropped so I can start my 2nd ivf it'll affect the drugs working apparently. Last ivf i got 4 eggs, 2 fertilised with 2dt so really need more this time otherwise its de for me. Fingers crossed in March.

Have a good day ladies.

Hugs to all

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!!

How is everyone? 

I know you wont get to read this but GOOD LUCK AJ!!!

Vicky Tick, my drugs are being delivered tomorrow and we start DR next Sat. Got mixed feelings about this cycle. 

Hugs, great news on your appt and good luck, hope you get some answers and hopefully some dates to start again. 

Hope everyone else is ok? 

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
Thankfully i got the fraud thing sorted and im getting my money refunded..
Penelope we will be starting around the same time, i was up at the clinic today and have collected my drugs to start on the 17th.. Getting a bit excited but scared at the same time..
Im sorry i never remember all the name, my head is like a sieve..
What has been decided about the change of name?
Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

OOOh Jilly Hen we will be cycle buddies!! Sounds like our first cycle was pretty much like yours looking at your signature. Its hard to feel positive as you dont want to get your hopes up do you??

OMG!!! What is it with McDonalds at the moment, Ive seen the advert with the woman having the scan but theyve got another one with a guy telling his sister she's going to be an Aunty over a coffee!!! I dont like McDonald much anyway but are they trying to torture everyone who is having problems!!!!! Arghhhhh!!!!

xxxx


----------



## Tommi

I haven't seen these ads but it sounds like they've made a massive error of judgement! Won't shed any tears for a company like that though  
T xx


----------



## Purple Star

PP, not long until you get going again. Wishing you lots of luck for this cycle    I know what you mean about finding it hard to stay positive. One minute I'm really upbeat and convinced this cycle will be the one, and the next I'm thinking 'what if it never works?' We really must try to be in a positive state of mind but it's easier said than done! I've not seen that mcdonalds advert but it sounds absolutely horrendous! 

Jillyhen, glad you got the money sorted. Things like that make my blood boil!    Lots of luck to you too for this cycle   

Vickytick, I'm good thanks. Hope you get your prolactin levels sorted soon.

Susie, looking at the time of your post this morning, you're an early bird! I thought I was for getting up at 6am!

AJ, more      coming your way for tomorrow.

Hello to hugs, Jen, Tommi, Katie kate, Kitty and everyone else, hope you're all doing ok  

So glad it's Friday tomorrow, work is really stressing me out at the moment. I hope it calms down soon so that I can feel more relaxed, especially for ET and after. I really want to give myself the best possible chance and can't help but think that stress at work isn't a good thing.

Lots of   to all.
xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

....takes duvet cover off head and wakes up - MrsP is back from hibernation  

Blimey - you miss a week and so much has gone on!!  Won't try to do personals, well, I might try a bit:

Suzie - I like the skyscanner website - tis amazing and love 'Coping with..' as a title - even covers McD's adverts that way - un.be.liveable!

A J  - Hope everything is going smoothly

Purple -  a belated  for this week's rant!

AFM - well I got my box room decluttered last weekend and started fitness drive 2012 - lost a whopping 5.5lbs in 6 days so I'm very happy and smug - but it's been hardcore (Matt Roberts Fat Loss) as I'm exercising every other day and on a low calorie (but v filling) diet.  Loving it!  Tried to do lots of 'slow breathing' sessions to get my blood pressure down - read about it last month and started it this week.  Seems to be working and BP is down without meds.  So all good news.  My bad news is that DH's workplace is shutting.  We sort of expected this, but it doesn't make life any easier.  Having said this, I'm feeling really super-positive and trying to tell myself that if we end up moving, I'll be closer to London and their many clinics    In seriousness, all seems ok - and I know that whatever happens me and DH have each other and we have some money tucked away for the next cycle. 

Not made any progress on getting my NK tests organised - but will do so next week.  Excitingly AF seems to be 5 days late, but two tests say BFN and stomach ache tells me it's just a matter of time before she's here.  

So, a good week - how's everyone and what are your plans for the weekend??

Love
MrsP
x


----------



## Purple Star

MrsP, good to have you back   The having a scan mcdonalds ad came on just as I was reading your post! Luckily, thanks to the lovely ladies on here I knew what was coming and managed to turn over before I felt the need to punch the tv! Well done on the weight loss, that's fab! I've been trying hard to get fitter since new year, doing ok with the exercise and eating, but I don't have any scales so have to judge it on how snug my clothes feel. Sorry to hear about DH's workplace  

Hope everyone else is doing ok and has a good weekend planned. I've got my niece's 3rd birthday party on Sunday and we will be the only ones there without kids   I'll probably have a good cry on the way home.

xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Mrs p- it's great to hear your positive attitude- must make it rub off on some of us!
This diet sounds intriguing- what type of foods are you eating? Can you buy a book or something? I've been trying to be good since new year- eating lots if soup and veg but a few bad things here and there! Also bought running shoes and sports bra but only been jogging once (dud thunk I was going to due afterwards!) 
X


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks Kate and Purple.  It's nice to be back!  The diet is a book (Matt Roberts Fat Loss) and the food is all healthy stuff - tons of fruit, veg, chicken and fish.  You get some carbs - pitta bread, polenta (lots of that) and quinoa (which is actually more protein than carbs)


----------



## Vickytick

Welcome back MrsP from hibernation. Can we all do that until we have that baby in our arms - if only dreams were that easy eh.

Quick hello to everyone else off bowling now so feel like I'm about 12 again- lol.

Enjoy the sunny but cold day ladies.

xx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, I have missed you all so much. Really could have done with chatting with you all when I was away  

Thank you for your good luck wishes, it has been great to catch up with your posts from over the last few days...hope you are all ok? I will get round to personals soon  

AFM, what  a very tiring experience the last few days has been! 
I had another scan on Thursday in Alicante but lining was still only 6.9mm. I told doc I was happy to cancel the cycle but she said to go ahead, that my lining was tripple pattern and that there was no definite correlation between thickness and pregnancy rate. I was put on another drug (for increasing blood flow) and went back in for tx on Friday.

Only 1 out of the 2 embryos survived (thank goodness for that one, I was really nervous that there wouldn't be an embryo there for transfer!) so I had that put in on Friday afternoon. 
I flew back out late Friday night so glad to be back home now. Missed DH like mad (and the dog too!!)

OTD is 23rd Jan as it was a 5day blast put back. Im trying to relax as best as I can but finding it so hard. Every little twinge feels a million times worse than it is Im sure, dont know how Im so gotta get through this 2ww without driving myself nuts....

Love and hugs everyone 
AJ xx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, great to hear from you, was thinking about you on Friday. I'm glad to hear you have a blast safely on board! Hope you can get some rest after your busy few days. Take care of yourself   Will be keeping everything crossed for the first bfp on our thread, lots of luck     

Vickytick, hope you enjoyed the bowling  

Hope everyone is doing ok? Can't believe it's Sunday night again  

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Aj hope your wee bubs hangs on tight..

Where has the weekend gone? Cant believe its monday morning..

Did any of you watch call the midwife, i couldnt resist watching it.

I start my drugs tomorrow in a way im a bit nervous

Must go and start a bit of work.. Have a nice day.

Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

Hi Jillyhen

I watched Midwife. Fascinating stuff! What about the woman with 25          

Good luck for tomorrow. I remember how nervous I was just taking clomid    I hope it all goes really well for you.

T xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Flip Tommi

Not a fizz out of her!! 25 kids omg and she kept popping out more..

Jillyhen


----------



## SuzieW

Ladies, after having a lovely weekend with DH visiting me, I came back down to earth with a bit of a bump today.  

I think I've mentioned the saga with my many pregnant family members before.  So after one SIL had baby last month, I found out this morning the other had hers prematurely on Friday.  What is upsetting is they didn't tell us, so we found out via my own sister who'd read it on ********.  Because DH and I have both cancelled our ** accounts, they obviously assumed we wouldn't find out, but then when I went to send SIL a blackberry message, she'd also changed her profile picture to a pic of the baby! Surely it's common sense that if you can't tell someone important immediately, you wait until they do know until you post it on **?

So I messaged her anyway to check everything was ok and that we'd found out.  She just said they were planning to tell DH tonight when he got back, no apology that we'd found out via ******** - how hard would that have been to write?  What is most upsetting is that they had they had the option of telling us while we were together and could have supported each other, but we found out an hour after he'd left for the airport so werent even able to speak to each other about it.  DH has just landed, but as suspected cant see any fault in what his own sister did, only in my sister for telling us, but she (rationally) assumed we already knew.  Felling blue and isolated


----------



## Purple Star

Susie, I totally understand how you feel. My sister recently had her second and I found out via ** (that was before I cancelled my account). It turned out that they had tried to ring me and sent me a text, but we were on a weekend away with no phone reception. I happened to get some 3G and was browsing ** and saw that our step-dad had uploaded some pictures of the newborn! I was really upset as I didn't know they had tried to ring me - it felt to me like they didn't want to tell me in case it upset me. I was completely miffed and felt completely left out until the missed calls/ messages came through the next day. I know it's not quite the same situation as yours, but I do know how you feel.  

Jillyhen/ Tommi, I'm impressed you watched it ladies, I cannot bring myself to watch anything involving babies/ pregnant ladies.

Jillyhen, exciting that you're off again, lots of luck   

Hope everyone has had a good day. I'm having one of those days where you feel totally worn out by the whole IVF thing and fed up of it all. Had a good cry to DH when I got home from work. I'm also researching other clinics in case we get another bfn, so lots going round in my head.

Love to all xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Susie- sounds like a nightmare :-( ******** is genuinly the devil :-( we all feel isolated sometimes, you're not on your own!

Purple star: I totally know what those days are like! They come way too often at the moment too :-( having a good cry always seems to help me, and chocolate! 

AFM- think I mentioned the dreaded baby shower invite- well I made my excuses and the husband has only gone and changed the shower date so that I can make it! Said I was too important to not be able to make it! Well and truely stuck attending that one! Me and about 5 pregnant women. Brilliant can't wait. 
Anyway.... Had Accupunture tonight so feeling nice and relaxed and mustn't start stressing xxx

AFM


----------



## Purple Star

Katie Kate, if I were you, I wouldn't have known whether to laugh or cry when they told you they had changed the date so you can make it! How awful. Perhaps a tummy bug in the morning if you really can't face it? I guess it hasn't crossed their minds that it may not be the kind of situation you need right now (or do they not know?)    Yes, chocolate is always a good plan on those days  
xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening all,

AJ fab news on your blast  

Jillyhen I meant to watch midwife but forgot all about it!! good luck on starting your drugs tomorrow  

Purple Star hope your feeling better now bloody drugs..lol  

Hi to everyone else and thanks to all that asked and wished me luck for today!! well the update is IVF is firmly on hold for a good few months  
I had my consultation today the guy was really nice and sat with us for ages going through it all, when i started my treatment in November all was really good i responded well to all the drugs apart from one down fall i had fluid on my pelvis everytime i had a scan but the nurses wasn't to bothered about this at the time it was before Christmas so i had a 5day blast and i was rushed through, i was also told by the nurse that the fluid is toxic and can kill your blast/embryo!
well as you all know it did result in a BFN and found out today that the fluid could well have coursed this   and my IVF has to be on hold until i have my lap opp to rather clip or remove my tubes I'm absolutely gutted my consultant told me hes going in to clip my tubes to give me the best chance for my FET but if there badly damaged then he'll be removing them! 
I'm feeling rather down now diet is out of the window and my AF arrived today  

I hope you all are well


----------



## Purple Star

Oh hugs, so sorry to hear about the fluid, what rubbish news to hear   I can imagine how disappointed you are about this set back, especially as you were hoping to get cracking again soon. This journey isn't easy without extra problems being thrown at us. Lots of    coming your way.

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*(hugs)* - I'm so sorry to hear this are the clinic admitting liability in any of this? Surely they shouldn't have put the embryo back?? I know it doesn't help the heartache and having another setback.  

*AF* - Congrats on having the blast. Interesting you've got otd 23/01 I know another lady who was in Alicante at the w/e for et but she's been given otd of 28/01 both of you were 5dt. Best of luck though everything crossed for you and rest up lady!!.  

*KatieKate* - I can't believe they changed it your face must've been a picture. Why does that always happen? What will you do now, can you go for a little while and just leave - easier said than done I know. You can always come back and rant to us - lol x

*Purplestar and susie* - What a way to find out why do people insist on using ** instead of letting people know the oldfashioned way and update the most stupid things . One of the people on that cruise liner that sank actually updated her profile whilst still trapped on the ship!!!. Not sure it'd be the first thing on my mind if I thought I might die...

I did watch Call a midwife hubbie said was a I sure I wanted to weirdly its only modern day things that affect me. I actually quite liked it although glad I'll ( ) give birth in the 21st century..Had a giggle over the rectum tool. Took us ages to figure out what it was used for- lol.

Love and hugs to everyone.

xx


----------



## SuzieW

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for your messages after my crisis post yesterday   The dust hasn't settled yet - still feeling very hurt and angry.

Purple - you must have been gutted to find out about your sister's baby like that.  Why don't people a) think or b) try a bit harder?

KatieKate - what a nightmare!!! I have to assume that the couple who's baby shower it is have no idea about your situation, otherwise they're being very insensitive.  I like Purple's suggestion of illness on the day.  I still don't think you should go out of politeness (I am brutal like that now!)

Vicky - what an idiot on the cruise liner! What was her post? "XXX is queuing for a lifeboat"?!

(hugs) - so sorry to hear your news.  While logically you know that it's just the next step in the journey and will hopefully improve your chances, everything in you must be screaming "don't clip my tubes".  Do you know when they can operate?  I hope it's sooner rather than later so that you can move on with your tx journey.

Jilly - good luck with the meds today    

Tommi - one woman had 25 kids?!! Is that even possible?!

AJ - glad you made it home safely with 'extra baggage'.  How is the 2ww so far?  

Mrs P - Welcome back from hibernation! The diet sounds impressive  

Penelope - how are you getting on?  Is it the beginning of feb you're due to start?

Hello to anyone who hasn't posted for a little while and   to all xx


----------



## Stubborn

Hi all, how are we coping?

SuzieW sorry to hear about the ** issue  I suppose they are so wrapped up in the situation they just don't think about how their actions could affect others. I hope you are OK.

Katie, I can't believe they changed the date of the baby shower  Do they know about your situation? If so I would tell them again that you can't make it. If they don't then you need to get a convenient tummy bug or bad cold that you don't want to give to anyone else there. You need to protect yourself and if that means not going then don't go and don't feel bad about it.

Hugs, it must be so frustrating to be held up. I know I always wanted to try again straight away when a treatment failed. Hopefullt the tube surgery will solve the problem and everything will be perfect when you do try again 

AJ how are things?   

I cannot watch _anything_ with babies in. We watched a lot of Christmas specials on tv and so many of them involved a birth it wasn't funny. DH usually notices things like that and turns over for me, but he became immune after the third one in a row (honestly - on blimmin' Gold) so I had to go upstairs for a cry 
As for those McD ads, grrr 

We have had all the blood tests (we could have bought a car with the money they cost ) so once we get the nod (in about 6 weeks?) we will have to troll back over the bridge to Cardiff with SIL and get started  I don't feel at all excited, and hope I stay that way. One thing about the hysterectomy, I no longer have a 2ww every month followed by sobbing and heartbreak. After 5 years of constant disappointment I have found it surprisingly healing (although for a while after the op I was still symptom spotting automatically )

I hope everyone else is OK 

XXXX


----------



## (hugs)

Evening ladies, 

thanks for all your kind words  

I'm feeling OK i think today had a good catch up with friends they know about the whole ivf I'm just sick of waiting Ive waited so long already and now more waiting ahead i have a date for clipping or possible removal 5th of march hmm yes I'm not impressed i though it would of been sooner, so this means my fet is on hold until erm lets say April/may time possible   I'm abit miffed about that but what can i do the thing what I'm more ****** off about is my clinic knew about the fluid and did nothing carred on with the treatment and it cost us a fresh go and a bfn!  

Penelope how's you getting on?  
Mrs P that diet sounds very strict good luck, mines gone right out the window..lol wish i had more will power when it comes to diets..lol  
AJ how's the 2ww going hope your coping alright?  
Tommi how's you?  
Vicky how's you?  
Jilly how's the treatment going good i hope?  
Katiekate how's you?  
Purple how's things with you Hun?  
SuzieW How you feeling now? better i hope?  
Stubborn thanks yeah its very frustrating but onward and all that! how's you?


----------



## MrsPootle

Evening all!

I think we should start some awards for companies that really should know better... I have a new nomination - thankfully, I found this funny rather than upsetting, but I was still startled!

When I came back from Xmas I had an answerphone message from Ultralase asking about my appointment - I thought this is really odd, as I did go to see if I could have my eyes lasered about 2 years ago.  Thought to myself they must have picked up the wrong appointment book or something and it was a mistake.  Forgot about it.

Anyway, at the weekend, they rang me again, and this time I answered.  They explained that this was a follow up call and that the last time I was there was January 2010, was that correct?  I said yes, anyway, they continued and said, quite matter of fact - 'you were a perfectly suitable candidate for laser treatment but you said you were trying to have a baby so wouldn't be taking it up until that had happened, well, it's two years on so are you interested in having treatment now'!!!!!  

I couldn't believe my ears!!!! Anyway, my answer was polite but put them in their place.  'I said, unfortunately, I'm in the position of still being on a mission to have a child, as I have for 6 years now, so no, I won't be considering laser treatment now.  Feel free to call me back though in 2 years and see if I've managed such a thing!'

UN-BE-LIEVEABLE!!!!!  Okay, I did remember saying that at the consultation, but to bring it up so matter of fact!!!! Idiots!!!

Otherwise, all is good-ish.  My diet is going well, another 2lbs off, but I'm getting quite sick of polenta and quinoa.  But loving salads for lunch and the breakfasts!!  Hubby very down about work, but at the moment, I have enough positivity for us both.

Quick personals:

Hugs - really feel for you - it's awful when suddenly there is another step in the way before you can try again.  I had a similar thing with 10 months of waiting on the NHS for my prolactin level to be looked into (which in the end was normal).  But keep the faith and a smile on your face - it should improve your chances next time

AJ - Yayyy  well done with the blast - you're PUPO!

Katie Kate/Purple/Suzie W - You've all had a really hard time - ** is the devil itself I think!  And I'm with you on the blooming cruise-ship - I only said to my boss yesterday that if I was going down with the ship - I wouldn't be tweeting or videoing it on my bloody phone!! What has happened to people!!

Jillyhen - good luck with starting meds- it's today isn't it?

Love to anyone I've missed  

MrsP
x


----------



## Tommi

Hi everyone  

Thanks for the hug Hugs!  

MrsP... unbelievable phonecall from that company!    We definitely need to award Ultralase! What shall we call the award?! 

Really sorry to hear about the various insensitive folk and other struggles some of you are having to deal with.   

Sorry to be in a rush but just wanted to drop in to say hi  

T xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Hi all, just off to bed so no personals Soz- but just to say yes I believe my friend does know everything, she is one of the few people who knows I had a miscarriage. However it's a suprise baby shower & although I'm sure she would have told her husband he has probably forgotten! She has had a hard year with her mum dying only a few months ago so I think I'm going to put my feelings aside for a Few hours and go along.

Can't believe that ultralese phone call- typical type of thing that hits us where it hurts when we least expect it.
Also just seen the mc d advert so off to bury my head.... Night night ! X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Everyone 

How are we all? I havent been on here for a while as Im not coping with my emotions very well so apologies for not doing many personals. 

AJ, how are you? 

Hugs, nice to see you over in the tubal removal thread, you will get all the advice and support you need over there. 

How is everyone else? 

AFM, I am due to start DR on Sat but have to go for a scan first as Im very bloated and worried  that I may have a cyst. Im very low and angry about everything and everyone at the moment and so worried about the next cycle not working that I have managed to stress myself out and now I cant relax. I think I am losing it ....help!!!!

xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Penelope - that's what we're hear for! If it helps to vent then vent away  . It might not be what you need, but have you heard about "The Secret" (it's a book and a film).  It's basically about applying the law of attraction (which you can also find loads on if you google it) and I found it helped me get out of a bit of a rut around November of last year.  I think you need to be of a certain mindset to buy into it, but where I was then I just felt like I had nothing to lose through giving I a go and whether it works as its supposed to or not, i definitely feel better about life as a result. Initially I rented the film on iTunes, but then I bought the book so I can keep reading sections when I'm losing that positiv 'edge' and get back on track.


----------



## A J

Hi lovely ladies,
Sorry I havent posted in a while.
I hope you are all ok- half way through January already!!

Not sure what I thought about call the midwife...I say a brief few mins but didnt really want to carry on watching. I try to avoid anything with pregnant ladies and babies. Its the adverts that get me though cos you dont expect them coming, they just jump out at you  

Well, Im 5days now after tx. I wish I could say that I felt a bit different but this time Im actually not feeling anything so of course am taking it as not a good sign. I always manage to look for the worst- Im my own worst enemy.

I guess we are keeping the name of this thread for now...or have I missed news of a change?

Sorry not got round to personals- Im not very good at those.

Sending lots of love and vibes. Spring is round the corner  

AJ xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ *- every cycle is different and everybody is different so I wouldn't get too hung up on either not feeling something or feeling terrible. Thats the only downside of FF. I found with my last cycle I was on the july/augu thread and kept comparing my symptoms or lack of to the other people who had got bfps in the week before me. Its a mind game so try not to worry too much (much easier said than done I know) lots of   your way.

*Katiekate* - I can see why you want to go to the baby shower. I'm not a fan of them its so American but I went to a close friend in Dec and everyone was tiptoeing around me which didn't help. I want to show people that I can think of others - close friends/family only and am not a bucket case (although we might feel like it inside)

*Penelope Pitstop* - as Suzie has said this is exactly what this page is for. Ranting with no recriminations or judgements. We all have huge downers and feel like its never going to happen - ITS NORMAL - so please don't worry about just putting a one liner here.

Hello to everyone else. Sorry I've got someone viewing our house in about 5 mins so can't be on for long.

Huge hugs ladies and its just a shame we don't all live near each other for a face to face meet as this is one of the best threads.

xxs


----------



## Tulipwishes

I read the book to call the midwife which was excellent, the programme was good but not as good as the book.

Strangely I cope can with things like this I even worked in maternity for 12 years whilst knowing I would need tx and during and after tx, only once in that time did I go off to have a little cry.

I have always found it harder if it is someone I know who is pregnant, I have even had to deal with ex partners coming in with their pregnant girlfriends or wives, including my current partner who I have known since we were young kids, that one was tough lol


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all,

Well I am feeling a little better today after my mini meltdown yesterday. I have booked tomorrow and Monday off work and have a massage booked for tomorrow afternoon before starting treatment on Sat.  

Suzie, thanks for the recommendation of the book and dvd, I think I will give those a try. 

AJ, I know it is easier said than done but try not to worry too much about what you can or cannot feel during this 2ww as you will drive yourself mad!!! Im a fine one to talk as I did  the same with my 2ww but as everyone is different and even each cycle can be totally different you never know until OTD. I have everything crossed for you and you can hopefully start us off with our first bfp!!!

xxx


----------



## A J

Hi my special friends, just wanting to say hi and thank you all for your kind thoughts in trying to keep me sane   


Vickytick...Oh how fab would that be for us all to meet up together- I feel like I have known you all for years and am so grateful to have you all in my life. Are you selling your house, its such a stressful time- I dont envy you. Hope the viewing went well?  xx

PP...hope you are ok today hun   what a fab idea booking a massage, I do that quite often and it really helps, enjoy your couple of days off work xx

Tulipwishes...I totally agree with you about being harder with people you know being pregnant. I keep thinking that person can tell how Im feeling. It does come between us and I try to avoid them even if I have known them for years. Its sad that I have actually broken friendships with people because of this. As for ex's children AAHHH...what is it?  

Suzie...that book sounds great, may look it up myself.

And a big hug to everyone else who I have missed out, how are you all, hope today is a good one?

AJ xx


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies, hope everyone is doing ok. I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow, this week has flown by.

AJ, hope the 2ww isn't driving you too crazy, sending lots more luck and sticky vibes your way. I'm keeping everything crossed for you   

Vickytick, you're right, it is a shame we live all over the place, a meet would be great.

PP, enjoy the massage, what a lovely idea.

Tulipwishes, I find it harder when it's people I know too.

MrsP, what an awful phone call to receive   to ultralase.

Hugs, hope you're doing ok?  

Hi to everyone else  

Lots of love xx


----------



## Tulipwishes

How is everyone today?

AJ, I know exactly what you mean, I am so worried that people will know what I am really thinking and feeling that I end up over compensating and going ott, just to cover it up.

It can be quite mentally draining


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
How is everyone?
I havent been on very much i totally shattered, is this normal 4 days after starting sprays??
Mrs P, what a bunch of insensitive gits!!
Are all you ladies from across the water.. I sound like a flippin foreigner!!
Sorry no personals there is so much goin on here at the minute i cant keep track.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend
Jillyhen x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening All,

How is everyone? Hope everyone is having a good weekend. 

Jillyhen, sorry I cant answer your question about sprays as have never used them but I'm sure on of the other lovely ladies will be able to share their experience with you. 

AJ, I have broken off friendships because people have got pregnant, its sad isn't it but we have to protect ourselves. 

Purple Star, definitely recommend a massage, it was great and got rid off all the tension I was carrying in my shoulders and back. Just what I needed. 

Hope everyone else is ok. 


xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Jillyhen I was really tired on the sprays too- it's putting either way to much or way too little hormones into your body so I guess it's to be expected?! In fairness though thinking back, I suppose I was actually pregnant from when u started sniffing so that could be why I felt strange. Good luck anyway! I think I will be about a month behind you x

Having a diy Sunday, just pulled up the old Lino in the kitchen only to find another layer of firmly stuck down very damp Lino. Nothings simple is it! 

X


----------



## Purple Star

Hi all, hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Katie kate, hope the diy works out ok.  You're right, nothing is ever as straight forward as it should be!

PP, glad you enjoyed the massage, sounds like it did you the world of good.

Jillyhen, are you feeling any less tired now? Never been on sprays so can't offer any advice/ experiences, sorry.

AJ, how's things?

Tulipwishes, how are you doing?

AFM, having a great weekend so far. Had a lovely long lunch and a good chat yesterday with some friends from my clinic thread, and then went to the inlaws for dinner. Got a scan next Thursday to check my lining and then hopefully ET will be sometime the week after. I'm now getting nervous about how my frosties thaw, really hope they do ok  

Lots of love to all xxxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Just popping in to say hi!

Not much to report.  Decided to give up acupuncture to save some money now DH has redundancy a-coming in the next month or so.  Wasn't really feeling any benefit the last couple of times.  Started doing some 'slow breathing' to relax instead - it's working - my blood pressure is quite awesome at the moment.  It is like it says on the tin - short breath in, longer out - and I find it nice to do to some slow music.  

On the feeling down side - I frequently find myself in the doldrums.  I find writing it all down very helpful for two reasons.  Gets it out of your head and if you keep it, it can be good to look back on to convince yourself you can come out the other side (which I did when I had my 3rd failure - I looked back at the 2nd and it was comforting to see that the same emotions were coming through and therefore things would get better given time).

One other thing my counsellor asked me to do the other week was to think about the things I miss from pre-treatment and what I've learned from treatment and the positives that can be taken from it.  Then to re-assess what I could bring back into my life.  So, for example, I miss spontaneous holidays and I've learnt that I find exercise is a great de-stressor (it's not just for a weight loss).  It's about focusing honestly on the positives and negatives of the situation.  But then, this works for me as I'm a keen planner - but not so good with emotions (bury those thank you very much).  but it helps me gain perspective.

That's all for now - computer is threatening to re-start!

Hope everyone is well x

Lots of love,
MrsP
xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Mrs p- you've got me thinking about things I miss... Being able to plan a holiday in advance because I don't know if I'll be having treatment and when... Spontanious sex.... Going out and getting drunk with my friends... Cooing over a baby without wanting to cry... Pain free periods when I was in the pill... My friends and family not tiptoeing around me... Being able to say 'I want to have three children when I'm older'... I'm not sure this is the type of thing your councillor had in mind!!!! Oh well, writing it down did help! ;-)  back to the tiling... K x


----------



## MrsPootle

Oh Katie Kate - if it's any consolation all of those things came up with me too.  Particularly the, er, sex one!!  I've made an effort to have 'bonus sex' as I call it - even if it's just one night a month where there is no baby-making in mind.  And the drink - well, we don't have to be saints 24/7 - in fact although we've both given up the booze - but we are allowing ourselves a bit on special occasions.  And I've learnt to have nights out with friends and no alcohol and a good natter & gossip is just as good.  I do miss the carefree spirit I used to have - but I've realised it's still there, as are hopes and dreams.  And it's good to have hopes and dreams - it's a positive isn't it?
On the holiday front - I had planned a trip away - buuuutttt, then the redundancy thing has come up - so that's on hold (as is IVF) until we know what's going on.  Madness.
But I'm planning to be a bit more easy on myself (other than where diet and exercise is concerned!!) and I guess moderate.  I've felt too much like I've just been surviving the last few years and I want to start living & continue with the fertility treatment.

Hope the tiling is going ok.  I was meant to be doing lots of web design stuff today (I do it as a side voluntary thing) but I've been very distracted all day.  Ah well.  Tommorrow is another day huh?

x


----------



## A J

Mrs P and Katie Kate you have really made me smile with your posts    
Actually had this conversation with DH earlier- we have lost a lot of our relationship since ttc and realise we need to put some effort into it again. 

Girls I've been naughty and done a sneaky HPT (well 3 actually), talk about stressful!
OTD is tomorrow but I couldnt wait so Friday I did a 1st response and got a faint positive, yesterday I did an asda early test and it was negative. Spent the last day and a half in floods. I have no pregnancy symptoms at all!!! Nothing   I wanted to do another 1st response again to see if that was negative as well but it shows a slightly darker  line than the one on Friday. I so wish I hadnt tested as the whole thing has messed my head up. Blood results will take 2days to come through so wanted to know in advance, now I just dont know what to think  . Im s...t scared as last time I had a positive it  didnt take long before the faint line vanished into thin air    this time will be different.

Anyway, will carry on eating what I like, thats the only benefit of the 2ww- not feeling guilty for eating lots  

Love and hugs to you all
AJ xxx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, it sounds pretty promising to me!! I totally understand why it's stressing you out though  When do you get your blood results? 

Katiekate, they are all things I miss too.

MrsP, 'bonus sex' made me laugh!  

Love to all xxxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ very excited for u and hoping so hard for u that it's what u think  when I was pregnant the line was soooo faint to start with and I was already 5 weeks so fingers crossed xxxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

Mrs P- the "bonus sex" made me smile too- we all know about that ;-)
Also, know exactly what u mean about putting your life on hold, I have put off so much because 'I might be pregnant that I have literally wasted the last 2 years of my life standing still (and crying too much!) x


----------



## Tulipwishes

AJ, wishing you luck xx

I know exactly what you mean about IF taking over your life. Inside I always feel so sad, and it has broken my heart. But I do like the idea of bonus sex  

My dp wants me to have counselling, he thinks that my "issues" will suddenly then be resolved, but I dont think it is that easy and I really dont have much confidence in counsellors.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

Just a quickie from me. 

AJ, I so hope that its a positive hun, I ve got everything crossed for you. Maybe hold back from the home tests and just wait for the blood results to come through? Easier said than done I know.   for you!!! 

Katie & Mrs P, I have felt that our life has been on hold since starting ttc and hubby and I have lost our relationship. It is ironic that the only time time I am relaxed and happy is when I am going through treatment??!!!

xxx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies,

I would definitely recommend counselling to help with the huge amount of feelings infertility brings. I have been lucky to get it on the nhs-the only thing we have manged to get for free due to my age. I find it a Godsend particularly as I struggle with DH already having kids, that drives me nuts!

Briony...has that spotting subsided hun? Really hope so, its such a stressful time isnt it?  
PP...I'm with you in feeling at your best when going through treatment. It helps me to feel in control of the whole damn situation. I had my bloods done this morning but wont get results until tomorrow. I'm already planning what to do next if this doesn't work out.

AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi Ladies,

This thread is so freaky it scares me. At exactly the time I've been having a real s***t time you ladies write about the same thing. You have made me feel so much better and *normal.* Had an awful weekend huge rows with dh mainly around his ex and child (she wants more money...) but he says my mood swings are unbearable. He threatened to leave and us get divorced. Family are worried I've finally lost it and think I'm permanently unhappy - true enough at the moment. The worst part is that I went for an initial GP counselling session in Nov to see if I was eligible - which I was - but the waiting list was 6 weeks but its been way over that now and I really feel that I need it now. I'm pleased to see that it helps you *AJ* and I think I might need to chase it or perhaps even pay??

*KatieKate and MrsPootle* so with you on your things you miss pre ttc. I feel like my life has been on hold for 2 1/2 years now and will be for the next year or so constantly saying we can't book things as we don't know where we'll be, how much money we'll have etc. I struggle to get happy about anything at the moment or anyone. I'm so angry with the whole world and it all seems so unfair for us ladies.

*AJ *- I was told you can't have a false positive only a false negative so that should give you a bit of hope? Everything crossed for you that its the right result. Good luck for tomorrow morning. 

Hello to everyone else and lots of love and best wishes sent to each and everyone of you.  

V
x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, good luck for tomorrow, let us know how you get on, got everything crossed for you and hopefully you wont need a back up plan as you will be pregnant!!!   

Vickytick, everything you have just said is exactly how I was feeling last week. Hubby said he'd had enough of my mood swings and me taking everything out on him. I really thought I had lost the plot at one point!!Its hard  carry on with life when you are in this cycle as you cant plan anything as you said. We are desperate to plan a holiday but cant as not even sure if we can afford it!  I have counselling on the NHS and it really works for me. I see her approx every 4 weeks depending on how I am feeling and it helps just to talk to someone who is impartial to the whole thing.  

xxx


----------



## Tulipwishes

Vickytick, PenelopeP and AJ, I can also relate to everything you have both said.

I feel quite scared to have the counselling, mainly because I dont want to cry, which I know I will and then wont be able to stop crying.

I dont even feel ready to cry in front of my partner when it comes to IF, I've cried over over things but when it comes to IF if I feel the tears coming I walk away. I think it's because he has children and I know he wont/can never understand how I feel which stops me.

Tulip xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tulipwishes, I can understand not wanting to cry but sometimes it is good to have a good old weep. Suprisingly I have never cried in front of the counsellor, I am always very calm and really good at expressing some of my deeper emotions with her. Maybe your partner needs to see you upset to understand how this is affecting you? I wish I wouldnt cry so much, poor old hubby sits there and doesnt know what to do with me most of the time!!!
xx


----------



## Purple Star

Just a quickie from me as off out...

AJ, wishing you lots of luck for your blood results tomorrow, will be thinking of you.   

Lots of love and   to all xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening all  

just a quick one busy so cant do personals off to see my nan! just wanted to wish AJ all the luck hun for tomorrow everything crossed for you       

hope everyone is good and well, and had a lovely weekend?


----------



## Tulipwishes

Thanks PenelopeP, I will try to have a good cry about it all, and I think I will enquire about counselling with my GP.


----------



## SuzieW

Hi Ladies,

Sorry I've been AWOL for a few days - I went skiing on Saturday, which was fun, but as my pennance I have been struck down with a mystery bug since and still feel rubbish   It's at times like these when I miss being at home, having DH to look after me and having medicine brands I recognise and knowing where to buy them!!

AJ - I really hope it's good news for you today. As the other ladies have said, a line is a line.  The FR test will have been more sensitive than the Asda one, and I really hope it has stuck and got stronger    

Tulip - I have also had counsilling through my clinic and found it helpful: I went on my own first then have been back twice since with DH.  Although sometimes it's a bit irritating (imagine your stereotypical softly spoken psychiatrist) and she doesn't judge but she also doesn't endorse - she's just like a facilitator, but it did help me to work through some of my emotions and actually going with DH really helped our relationship and to be able to talk to each other about IF which we previously weren't really able to.  I feel like we're stronger as a result.  As a health warning though, I bawl my eyes out every time I go to see her - I can't help it - but she's so used to it (not just from me) and always has the tissues to hand 

Vicky - I'm sorry to hear things have been tough with your DH - it must be so difficult to deal with his ex and her demanding more money for your SS.  I hope you can work through things with him as you need each others support.  Maybe you can arrange some quality time together and ban conversations about IF or his DS just for that time, so you can work on being yourselves together again? Sending you  

Penelope - Glad I'm not the only one who's a blubbering wreck! I wish I could control my tear ducts better - they have a mind of their own!

Mrs P - what a can of worms you've opened!  I really miss being someone who wasn't defined by IF as it ends up being such a main part of everything I do and every decision I make.  I miss the happier, optomistic me, rather than the bitter twisted person I've become and I miss being able to be happy for my friends as 90% time these days the reason to be happy for them for is baby related.  I also really miss the close relationship with my sister that I had before she told me she was pregnant in November - we still talk regulary, but it's strained  

Jilly - over which water?! Are you in NI?

Hi to KatieKate, Purple, (hugs) and anyone I've missed.  Will do more personals when I don't feel so [email protected]!

Sxx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies,

Not good news I'm afraid  , hcg levels came back at just 12. It should be a lot higher at this stage. I need to have a retest tomorrow to show what my gut instinct is already telling me- not this time!

I have made an appointment at CRGW which do immune testing as I really want some answers. It certainly isn't the age of my eggs that caused the initial 3natural m/c, even DE haven't worked.

Sorry to be so negative but feeling like s..t right now

AJ xx


----------



## Purple Star

Oh AJ, so sorry to hear it wasn't better news     

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## Tommi

So sorry to hear that AJ  
Thinking of you.
Txx


----------



## A J

Even the 'One Show' has to go on about babies!!
I think its just me being over sensitive tonight xx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, I changed the channel!   to the one show.

xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, Im so sorry flower. Sending you big hugs. CRGW are a fab clinic and the staff there are so friendly. 

xxxx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Hope everyone is OK today and survived another day of work and avoiding too many upsetting comments.
AJ I'm so sorry to hear your news.
AFM We went to visit my in-laws at the weekend as MIL's birthday and within 5 mins of being there she was telling us about several different people who are now expecting including my DH's cousins son's girlfriend (18 years old). MIL shocked by this and kept fixating on it all weekend. DH's cousin is only 3 years older than him and said she has been desperate to become a granny! Both of us feel as felt as if we'd been slapped and useless.
About an hour ago we got a phone call from MIL to say this girl has had a miscarriage. Don't know which made me feel worse!


----------



## Purple Star

Mojo, sorry to hear you had such a tough weekend    

oh god, the clear blue ovulation ad has just come on as I type!

Lots of love xxx


----------



## (hugs)

A.J so sorry hun to hear that news big hugs from me


----------



## SuzieW

AJ - sorry it wasn't great news today.  I know you may want to prepare yourself for the worst, but I do know of a few people on here and off who've had very low hcg readings initially and gone on to have healthy pregnancies.  I    maybe that's the case for you.  We're here for you whatever the news tomorrow


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ we are all here for u, and hoping things will change for the better tomorrow xx


----------



## Tulipwishes

I'm sorry to hear that AJ  

Tulip xx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ *- I'm so sorry that its not the news you wanted. Immunes testing is a good idea to help get answers. On top of everything else you must feel like the world is against you hun. Lots of   going your way.

Its a tough old ride this especially when we all hope for a brand new year and brand new start...

Watched the McDonalds scan advert yesterday which made me fume..

*Mojo72* - I'm probably going to go to hell for saying this (and apologise now if it offends anyone as its simply how I feel) but whilst I *DON'T* wish a m/c on anyone sometimes there is a small part of me that says now you have a very small inkling of my world. That unfortunately is how bitter and twisted I've become. I know a girl who told everyone - she does love the limelight - that she was pg at 6 weeks then m/c now everyone is running around saying how awful it is - yes it is but there is a 12 week scan for a reason. How many people go through this and never let on to anyone??

I do hope that today is a bit better for everyone.

love to all
V
x


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, how are you doing hun? You are in my thoughts  

Vickytick, I totally understand your feelings. 

I had my scan today, lining is nice and thick so will be having ET next week. They are thawing our frosties on Tuesday and transfer will be either Wednesday or Friday (assuming they survive the thaw     ).

Hope everyone has a nice weekend planned. I'm off to see War Horse so will have the tissues at the ready! Will be a nice change to cry about something that isn't IVF/ baby related.

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## A J

Vickytick....as usual I totally agree with you. There is a woman I know who had a m/c at 5 weeks, told everyone and had all the sympathy etc. I spoke to her at length as I had previously had 3 m/c myself. She got pregnant again within 2 months and has a little girl now yet she still goes on about how depressed she was after her m/c. Yes, I dint wish it on anyone but I want to scream at her- look at what you have, try not being able to have a baby and keep m/c everytime you do get pg. I find it quite hard to talk to her now. 

Purple star... that great news about the transfer next week    they will all survive and be nice strong embryos for you.

I had my follow up blood test today- what a nightmare that was. It took 2 nurses, both arms and 3 attempts to get blood. I left the hospital in floods of tears after the first nurse who had given up stayed to hold my hand while the other stabbed at me saying 'you have been through so much'- you can imagine what I wanted to scream at her. All this just to confirm that the level has dropped enough to stop meds. I'm hoping the results come through tomorrow or I will be taking them all weekend. I want to get back to feeling a bit normal for a while and not so fat and bloated.

It seems that every school staff room I have been in this week they have been on about pregnancy and babies. I decided to go to a cafe yesterday lunchtime to chill a bit when there were 3 tiny babies in there- I'm convinced I'm a magnet. Just not to my own  

I hope everyone has some nice things planned for the weekend. I have DH to myself as he hasn't got his son HORRAY!!! for small mercies  

Love and hugs
AJ xxx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, what a nightmare the bloods sound, and not what you needed at all.   I know what you mean about being a baby magnet for all but your own, it really is so hard to deal with  . I hope you can enjoy the weekend with dh, take care of yourself. xxxx


----------



## justone

*AJ* I know exactly what you mean about staff rooms.  99/100 of the conversations are to do with babies/children/teething/sleepless nights/colic... You name it, it's talked about.  I deliberately opt to sit beside the male staff as they talk about other stuff such as politics, travel, sports, nights out etc etc.


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* - You really have been through the mill this week but fingers crossed you have a nice weekend with DH and without other distractions 

It does seem that when you are feeling your lowest there are babies everywhere. People also assume that your female so will want to discuss it all endlessly. Why is the first question everyone asks you when they meet and know your married or over the age of 30 'So do you have any children?'. I know someone who doesn't want children (they'd struggle anyway as he had cancer in his teens) but whilst I can't understand that I respect her and her DH decision.

*Purple star* - fingers crossed and lots of   for the frosties thawing for a nice et next week.

Its cold but the sun is shining so I hope everyone has a good weekend. We finally made the decision that the house was too big for just us (and possibly 1 child) so we're selling much to my family's disappoint and looking for something smaller but its not easy and I hate keep looking around people's houses it just seems rude.

Have a good weekend all


----------



## MrsPootle

Helloo ladies,

Gosh where did the week go? Hope everyone has been enjoying lots of 'bonus sex'   

AJ - So sorry to hear your news - was thinking about you earlier in the week but this is the first chance I have had to go on FF. Sounds like immune testing might be the way to go. I'm on this particular treadmill after 3 failed IVFs and 1 natural miscarriage. I need to phone the clinic and get some type of uterus biopsy done - however, apparently you need to ovulate and at the moment since IVF #3 that's the one thing that hasn't come back yet. I'm dutifully peeing on sticks for my Clearblue Fertility Monitor and become completely crazy looking up such things as how to read the sticks themselves as I don't trust the monitor. Nuts  Clearly I am going mad!! Also a book I have started reading is this

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Body-Baby-Friendly-Unexplained-Infertility/dp/0978507800/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327698561&sr=1-1

by Dr Beer - if you haven't looked him up, google him and the immune section on FF is good too. The book is enormous - I started reading it before Xmas but then went through a period of not being able to face up to ANYTHING fertility related - but I'm back out of hibernation. If anything, it is an encouraging read that even just the first chapter made me feel less 'at fault'.
Hope you have a good weekend with hubby and get a chance to relax and be kind to yourself.

Tulip - On the crying and counselling front - I used to be the most amazingly stiff upper lipped person ever. Sometimes I can just switch off devastating feelings and slap on a smile and, believe me, no-one knows any different. I find it hard to cry in front of strangers and counsellors can fit into this category!! The strange thing is, talking to someone impartial almost makes my own inner voice louder and I find, eventually, I respond and tears (and relief) will eventually spill out. It didn't come immediately, but I can't tell you how good it felt to have someone accept my frustration and upset. But it's not compulsory, there was no pressure to spill the tears, it was just something that slowly happened... and did me good. I think you might find it useful, but sometimes it depends on the counsellor and you gelling - if one counsellor doesn't feel right - try another!

Purple Star - v excited for you - fingers crossed for those frosties  

Vicky & Mojo - sounds like you have both had a terrible week - hope the weekend gets better for you both - remember we are all here for you  

AFM - I did Aquafit for the first time ever this week. And, you know the bit where the girl gets attacked by the shark at the start of Jaws, that was me dear friends!! I don't know how I'm so clumsy/accident prone... nothing broken (pool, rubber pole or bones) but I just looked like I was drowning all the time. I think it was partly because the water was slightly too deep (I was with a friend who is about 3 inches taller than me, I'm only a midget - 5 foot 1 - hope I've not offended anyone there! ) so anything complicated meant lots of bubbles! It was fun. I was at a spa day for said friends birthday and it was lovely. No progress on tests or redundancy stuff, but I have been thinking about lots of other things (peeing on sticks mainly)... generally pretty chirpy, will be chirpier IF I OVULATE!!! The caps were deliberate so my eggies could hear me!!!

Anyway, non-bonus sex calls - as at least the CBFM says high - which it did for 20 days last month (v exhausting)... 
Quick hellos to Jillyhen, Tommi, PP, Katie, SuzieW, hugs and Tommi - and anyone else I've forgotten to mention!

See ya later peeps!


----------



## A J

Mrs P...lovely to hear you again. Hope the shouting got that ovulation kicking in. Isn't it so frustrating when our bodies keep having the final say and not the one we want to hear! 

Goodness knows what is going to happen to my body now I have stopped the meds. Blood test results came back as expected at a measly 2 so the bleeding has started in full force. Its so frustrating that since yesterday I have actually been having pregnancy symptoms now that the pregnancy is over. Most months I'm felling sick in the mornings, flushes, night sweats and sore breasts etc. I think its menopausal symptoms but they are so similar to pregnancy symptoms. 
Actually, I dont know what is normal and what is not, it was strange to be pregnant again all be it for a few days this time without any symptoms I'm defiantly not normal!!!

Cant believe the weekend is nearly over. Yoga for me and DH tonight. That should bring a smile to my face. DH on a fitball   
Will catch up with personals tomorrow hopefully   , I hope you are all OK? Maybe snow for us here tomorrow  

Hugs to you all
AJ xxx


----------



## A J

Hi girls,

Hope you are all well? Its been quiet on here for a few days so thought I'd say hello  
Hey, we got through January as well as Crimbo and NY!! HORRAY the crappiest month as far as Im concerned is over.

AJ xx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Hope everyone is OK. I haven't been on for a week because my laptop died on me last week and we finally got a new battery, that we ordered that night, today!
Since last on I've not been well between flu like symptoms, terrible migraines and sickness so had lots of bed rest and feeling sorry for myself  
Just a quick question since my treatment was cancelled in September I have really bad sickness/upset stomach on the first day of AF. Never ever had these symptoms before in my life. Also, my breasts are getting bigger and bigger each month! DH thinks I'm imagining it as I am well endowed anyway but when I'm struggling to get my bra on and it is tight and uncomfortable, as well as looking in the mirror and seeing them sticking out a mile and heavy as hell I know it's true.
Is this normal? Has anyone else found going through tx has made their bodies go strange?


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies

Mojo, sorry to hear you've not been well. Can't help on the (.)(.) question, sorry!

AJ, yes you're right, we have made it through the worst month!   How are you doing?

How is everyone else?

AFM, they thawed our frosties today and will be having ET either tomorrow or Friday. I'm so so nervous and not sure I can face another bfn  

Is anyone at ARGC? I think we are going to try there next if this cycle fails.

Love to all xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

hey ladies, 

sorry i haven't been on either for a while Ive been sort of distant from FF for a while Ive been checking in and reading all your posts though   I'm so glad January is over bring on march for me to be honest i feel i cant move on until Ive had my opp than i can concentrate on ivf when i am healed and well! me and DH have been arguing alot lately over daft things, and i think its down to me having the opp coming up and i don't think he actually realises how much all this has affected me but whey hey I'm strong.. and i bounce back and so are all of you ladies thinking of you all hope you all are well  

Purple Star i just wanted to say I'm wishing you all the luck Hun for ET and i hope and   this is your year Hun  

AJ how are you doing Hun   wow i second or third that January bye bye lol 

Mojo sorry to hear you haven't been well hope you feel better soon


----------



## Purple Star

Hugs, thanks for the luck. For some reason I feel like this cycle is already over before I've even had transfer. I know that isn't a good way to think but it's just a feeling I have. Sorry to hear you have been arguing with dh, it must be hard for him to really know how it has affected you. Have you had a proper chat with him about how you are feeling? Roll on March!  

xxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi Ladies

*PurpleStar *- Good luck with ET . I'm not going to patronise you and tell you this'll be the one, its all about PMA etc. Its a tough process after a while it feels like its never going to end and you struggle to drum up the  again. All we can say is the very best of luck and we *hope* its your time. I do know a feel FF ladies that are on ARGC through a ** group that was set up as an offshoot of FF. I can put you in touch with them?

*Hugs* - Sorry its not so good at the moment. The worry of the op must be giving you both the heebie cheebies so its natural to take it out on the person closest to us. Its a stepping stone in the right direction but a pain in the 'ass' in terms of delaying it all.

*AJ* - hope you're feeling better and ready for your next plan of action you certainly sounded it..

Hello to everyone else.

I agree bye bye Jan hello Feb but I am a little bit biased as its my birthday this month.

Its very very cold today but sunny. Just been for a run and never felt really warm once like I normally do. Think the funniest thing was doing a bit of quick diversion running by crossing the road to avoid DH ex walking her son home from school with the baby.. not sure if I got caught out but will find out later when SS comes for the night ooops me thinks I might be in trouble... 
xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

Sorry I havent been on here much either lately. Ive been taking a break from FF for a while. 

Hugs, sorry to hear you and hubby have been rowing alot. I think every couple going through this rollercoaster experience highs and lows. I know hubby and I rowed an awful lot over Christmas but now that we've started treatment again we are ok. Alot of the rows were started be me as I was so angry all the time!!! Its understandable that you just want the op over and done with so that you can deal with it and move on. 

Purple Star, good luck for ET. I know exactly what you mean about thinking that the cycle is over before its even started. The further you get in this journey the harder you fall and we all dread another bfn but I have everything crossed for you that this is your turn!!! 

AJ, how are you my lovely? Have you been to CRGW yet?  

Hi VickyTick, I like Feb too as its my brithday this month too!!! When is your b'day? 

xxxx


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies

Well I'm now back from the hospital with 2 x day 3 embies on board. Am a bit disappointed we didn't get to blast but   one of these will come good. One of the reasons I'm feeling so fed up with this cycle is that I've only just had ET after having EC in early November so it's been dragging on for ages.

Vickytick, thanks for the kind words. If you know some ladies on ff that would be happy to answer some questions/ chat that would be great if you could put me in touch, thanks. Have had a look at the ARGC threads but am not sure where to start. Hope you're not in trouble!  

PP, where are you up to with your cycle?

Right, I'm off to watch some more trashy tv. I'm determined to stay away from Dr google on this cycle as I always look stuff up and stress myself out. Think I will go back to work tomorrow to keep myself occupied.

Love to all xxx


----------



## (hugs)

YAY Purple Star PUPO i wish you all the best Hun  i don't blame you for feeling the way you have its all down to luck i think and i hope this year will bring you some good news hope you can keep away from symptom spotting its so hard but your strong!  

P.P thanks for that yeah i think most of our arguments was over Xmas and NY but we seem to be OK for now   Roll on march for me! than i can hopefully crack on with the IVF in April,may maybe. how's your treatment going?  

Vickytick thanks Hun yeah it is a pain in the **** and delaying my IVF but needs must and all that i suppose! i hope you didn't get caught on your run...lol


----------



## SuzieW

Morning ladies, another one back from hibernation!

Purple: congratulations on being PUPO!  I know plenty of people who've have BFPs on day 3 transfers and plenty who've had BFNs after blast transfers, so there really is no rhyme or reason as to what works and what doesn't.  Glad those embies are finally back where they belong and sending you lots of positive vibes      

Mojo: sorry you've been feeling rubbish.  In terms of treatment messing with your body - it defnitely does, all those hormones do some strange things.  I've not had the booby issue (if only - I could do with a couple of extra cup sizes!   ) but my periods are all over the place - sometimes light, sometimes very heave, clotty and painful, strange mid-cycle bleeds - sadly it's all normal 

(hugs): hope things improve with your DH - it's really tough when on top of everything else you're arguing at home  - it's the last thing you need.  Hope you can work it out  

Penelope: How are you lovely?  What's next for you?

Vicky: Don't blame you for your aversive tactics - hope you weren't spotted!  Maybe get yourself a trench coat and some dark glasses  

AJ:  Sorry it wasn't to be this month, hope you're not feeling too low  

Mrs P: I've had 2 uterine biopsies - it's quick but painful, so my tip is ask for gas and air in advance!!

Tulip: Did you decide to give counselling a go?  Hope you're ok  

Justone: why is it that women who've had babies seem to lose the art of conversation about anything else?  Don't blame you for hiding out with the male staff!

KatieKate: How are things with you?  Are you hibernating too?  

AFM: had a not so fun weekend of travel last weekend trying to make it home to see DH - snow in Istanbul followed by stupid ill/drunk passenger meant a 6 hour flight delay on the way out, then every road between Manchester Airport and Sheffield was closed   Fortunately good old British Rail got me home same and sound, albeit a bit later than planned.  Had a lovely lovely weekend with DH, before another 4 hour flight delay on the way back!  Flipping snow


----------



## A J

Just pooping on to say hi  
Weekend again, a blooming freezing one too!

Roll on warm weather...

Purple star...hope you are coping ok with the 2ww, I hope Dr Google isn't nagging too much? xx

SuzieW...I hope this weekend is a bit less hectic than last? xx

Mojo...I suffer with the swollen boobs every month too, I think its my hormones going into overdrive. I get sickness in the morning throughout the month exactly the same symptoms as the pregnancy ones so really annoying. I have an appointment at a new clinic the week after next so will get their opinion on it. xx

Vickytick...hope you didn't get caught out doing a detour run the other day, I would have done exactly the same   xx

Penelpoe pitstop and hugs....hope you are both ok? xx
And to everyone else I haven't forgotten you but DH has just arrived by my side to go out on our weekly venture for Thai food - I love it and is just the thing to warm me up

AJ xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies how are you all today. Thank crunchie it's frid. Spent the morning running around for blood tests for my prolactin tests. Dh has spent the last 4 days chasing NHs for fu - been a nightmare! All sorted now.

PP my bday is 26th when is yours?

Suziew travel is always a nightmare when you really want to get somewhere fast. Glad you managed to get there in the end and safely.

Hugs feb is a short month so march will be here soon? We might be cycle buddies in April. Glad things are better with dh? It's so hard to keep doing this constantly. If its not ivf it's the tests.

Purples I'll find out their ff names and get them in touch with you. Hopefully they can help and they are lovely. Hope 2ww is treating you well

Hi aj you sound a bit more positive? X

I didn't get in trouble wasn't seen but I did tell dh in case. Have a good weekend ladies.

Xx


----------



## Purple Star

Vickytick, thanks that would be lovely. Glad you didn't get in trouble!

AJ, enjoy the food, I love Thai so am very jealous! Have managed to stay away from Dr google since ET so quite proud of myself.

Susie, your journey last weekend sounds like a nightmare! Hope this weekend is more relaxing.

Hi to everyone else, hope everyone is ok?

Love to all xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Purple star I've sent you a pm with the lady from the Argc clinics ff name. She is happy for you to contact her.

Not having a good day ladies. Dh and I keep rowing about his ex at the moment but the worse part is everytime we row he threatens divorce so I runaround trying to make things better taking the blame. I know. I'm struggling at the moment but it's not all me. 

Hope everyone is having a much better day.

X


----------



## SuzieW

Vicky - sorry you're having a rubbish time.  Have you tried couselling with DH?  It really helped my DH and I when we were just arguing all the time and he was ready to throw the towel in.  He did hate it, but it helped us to communicate better to each other how IF makes us feel.  Hope you get things sorted


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening Ladies,

How is everyone? 

Vicky, sorry to hear you are having a rough time of things at the moment flower. Suzie may be right, counselling may help you to talk things through with someone that is independent I have a counsellor and Hubby doesnt normally attend the sessions but when we've been rowing alot I ask him to join me so we can talk about things with the counsellor and it has helped. I dont think that men get it sometimes and hearing it from someone else i.e. a counsellor or from you but in a neautral environment sometimes help. 

Purple Star how is the 2ww going? Hope you managing to stay sane and positive. Are you back in work or are you taking some time out? 

Hope everyone else is well. 

xxxx


----------



## A J

Vicky hun   , I hope you are OK? Its so hard isn't it with the ex when she has such a hold on DH. We have similar arguments in our house and I know that if I was to ask him to cut off ties in any form with his ex he would leave me. Both DH and myself have been married before but I dont have any contact with my ex husband (it helps that he is Japanese and living in Japan!!) whereas DH sees his ex every week and has to give her money while I'm the only one paying for fertility treatment. I could seriously kill her at times. And, actually she is completely oblivious to the fact I cant stand her. We have never met and I hope we never do. If only there weren't the children that they have together giving them a bond that it seems I will never be able to have.
I do know where you are coming from...

But, I think I'm a bit obsessed with DH and his ex's not only the one he was married to and is the father of their children. DH has started coming to Yoga with me and one of his ex girlfriends has started coming too. She was there last week and he told me after the session who she was and she was there again last night. I couldn't consentrate on what I was doing but was busy keeping an eye that they weren't watching each other. When we got home I questioned him about her and he told me they only ever saw each other about 6 times and it was years ago, that I'm jealous and feel intimidated by her. Of course I told him it just made me feel a bit uncomfortable but why is it one of the only things we really do together there has to be this ex there now. I seem to be surrounded by his past. We have talked about moving to a different town that will be new to us both but he wont go far from his children.
It is hard but I will keep plodding on!

Oh yes, and I had my blood test results back for thyroid, Full blood count etc and of all things it came back that I'm borderline diabetic so have to go into hospital next week for a glucose intolerance test- more blooming blood tests!!!

Deep breaths,

Sorry girls for that rant..... I hope you are all doing OK- I am OK really all be it a bit nuts xxxxx


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies,

Vicky, thanks for that. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it lately.   Sounds like some good advice about counselling.

AJ, what a nightmare with your DH's ex at yoga. That should be the place where you can relax and escape from it all. Good luck for the next lot of tests.  

PP, I'm doing ok thanks. How is your cycle going? I went back to work the day after ET as if I'm at home I would just obsess about it all and spend all day on Dr google.

I am getting fixated on silly things and thinking that they mean something, like if traffic lights stay green I will get a bfp and if they go red it will be a bfn, or if I look at the clock and the minutes are even it will be a bfp and if they are odd it will be a bfn. I know that makes me sound bonkers!    Think this 2ww is driving me a bit  

Love to all xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ I know exactly how you feel about the ex, and the step kids- I find the bond that my DH will always have with his ex because of their son very hard, and hate her with a passion! I know how u feel about the money too. I spend all if my wages on the mortgage and all if the bills as I am the main earner with a steady income but any money he gets in (self employed) seems to go to her- even when we can't even afford food! Roar! 

On my phone as usual so can't update properly but I start down reg on Thursday- can't wait  
Hi to everyone- Mondays over- wooppee! Xx


----------



## Mojo72

Ladies,
Sorry to hear so many of you are having trouble with your other half's ex's and kids.
I am getting more and more down hearing about people having multiple kids and not being able to look after them.
The latest one today (discussed at work) was about a lady who ended up in the local hospital this weekend and was nursed by a colleague's daughter. She is pregnant with her 15th child! None of them live with her having all been taken into care.
Why is life so cruel?


----------



## Katie Kate

Watching 'protecting our children' on bbc2- finding it very upsetting- I feel so awful for them, but it also makes me angry :-(


----------



## A J

I totally agree and get really angry when I hear about those who have multiple babies and who cant cope...life is TOTALLY unfair!!  

Today at lunch time I had to listen to one of the teaching assistants going on about her part time weekend job in the birthing suite at the local maternity ward. How she loves watching the babies being born then everyone else joined in with their tales of either the birth of their own children or people they know. 
Then I went back to class and the two TA's with me were discussing how awful smear tests are etc- just try going through what most of us have to go through!! 

Rant over....

Purplestar....you are not alone with your thoughts re has it worked or not. I was looking for signs everywhere. The final 'decider' for me was that my left palm was itching. I have become very superstitious during ivf and really believe the 'right to receive and left to leave' saying was my sign. I have always gone back to work straight after and really helps me to keep my head out of googlemania. I hope the 2ww isn't being too painful for you?

Hugs all around xxx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, I've not heard of the saying about the palms, that's another one to add to my list!  

Katiekate, how exciting you are off again on Thursday! Really hope this is your time  

Love to all xxxx


----------



## Mojo72

We have magpies in our school playground and when I was going through tx, resulting in a cancellation, kept seeing a single magpie for a whole week (one for sorrow). Always thought go away and bring your pal to get two (two for joy)
The last two days I've seen three (three for a girl) and I'm not even going through tx at the moment!
Never used to be superstitious but this process makes you grab at all sorts of threads. 
Hope everyone is OK


----------



## Purple Star

Mojo, I'm really superstitious about magpies. If I see one on it's own I always salute it as that's supposed to ward off the bad luck. I hope you seeing 3 means something good on the horizon for you.

xxx


----------



## A J

Just stopping by to say hi  , hope you are all doing ok?

Purple star - the days are ticking by, you seem to have to wait a long time until OTD, wont be long now  

Mojo- starting down reg today, another step closer  

Katie Kate- I find it such a struggle knowing money is going to the ex wife. Its supposed to be for DH's sons but I do wonder what she does with it. We are having fertility counselling and I even hate it when the subject of them comes up- instead of getting easier over time it has actually got harder. I guess its corresponding with my struggles with fertility. Vicky tick...I know you are with us with this battle too   xx

Well a week off next week thank goodness but feels strange not to be in the middle of treatment as I always seem to be during hols, still a consultation at a new clinic is kind of treatment and a step in the right direction I guess?
DH with his son right now (really brings out that humbug feeling in me), so Im going for a facial to cheer myself up. 

PP, Suzie and all my other special friends hugs all around, weekends nearly here xxx


----------



## Purple Star

AJ, yes my clinic do seem to have a longer than normal 2ww. In fact, mine is 2 weeks and a day this time (not that I'm counting or anything!). Will definitely not hold out until otd so will do a sneaky poas maybe next Tuesday or Wednesday. I hope you have a lovely week off, and yes an appointment at the new clinic is definitely a positive step in the right direction.  

I'm having the exact same cramps as last time I got a bfn so not feeling particularly hopeful. I know it's probably down to the progesterone and I shouldn't read too much into it, but I'm struggling to muster up any enthusiasm or positivity. I'm having one of those days where I feel so worn down with it all   Sorry to sound so negative ladies, but I feel like I can be my real self with you and not have to pretend I'm feeling positive.

I hope everyone else is doing ok?

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies 

Just wanted to send some hugs    

Purple Star I think what you're feeling is perfectly understandable.   I hope tomorrow is a better day.  Look after yourself  

AFM I'm in the middle of a medicated IUI cycle. Scan tomorrow to check on follie action.   They looked a little too busy in the scan on Monday!

 for everyone!

Txx


----------



## Purple Star

Tommi, best of luck for the scan tomorrow, hope your follies are behaving xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Don't get me started on magpies - I get obsessed during treatment with them.  I always count to 10 if I see one... to ward off bad luck.
This week has been, huh, interesting - being offered VR at work.  Looks like it's fate - both likely to be out of a job, so a big move south may be possible and then I can try some of the London clinics for a second opinion... I have the most massive to-do list, bit stressed they might not agree to me taking VR, but trying v hard to not look too far forward as there are so many variables at play!

Tommi - hope the scan went ok yesterday xx


----------



## Tommi

Thanks PurpleStar and Mrs P   All went well but they have halved my dose of gonal f, which I'm pleased about. Don't want to risk cancelling the cycle. I'm really impressed with the amount of monitoring they do. Next scan on Monday. Hopefully not too many follies then!

Sorry to hear about your job MrsP. I hope things work out well and there is a silver lining. I know what you mean about magpies. I've tried to coax myself out of that by just watching them (even if it is only one!). They are such beautiful creatures that I can't believe now they could possibly bring bad luck! 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you're having a good Saturday. Sunshine here but still freezing cold.

T xx


----------



## (hugs)

Hello Ladies, 

how's everyone doing? any plans this weekend? 

Sorry to hear about your job aswell MrsP hope something works out for you   must say I'm also the same when it comes to magpies too I'm a firm believer that if i see one its means one for sorrow, and two for a boy and, three for a girl. But when i next see one on its own i may try counting to ten  

Tommi glad to hear everything went well at your scan you'll soon be having EC how exciting  

Purple Star how's you coping in your 2ww Hun, not long to go now  

AJ hope you enjoy your week off have you any plans?  

Katie Kate i too watched protecting  our children so sad to see what some children (what haven't been asked to be born) are brought into this world to those kind of situations   and theres all us woman wanting a baby for all the good reason! crazy!! 

hi to all the other ladies and big    s 

ATM for me I'm still waiting till my opp getting a bit nervous now as its getting closer eeekkk!! Ive got a pre opp assessment on the 20th to see if I'm fit and well. but apart from that its been so hard to give up all the nice things but i have started excisering 30Min's a day, better than nothing for me ..lol 
whats everyone up to over this weekend well here it is freezing just hope we don't get any more snow i shall be staying in this evening dyeing my hair and having a big fat glass of wine while watching take me out


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies how are you all?

Tommi - glad scan went well  

Purple star - when the official otd ? I don't blame I you for testing early I waited last time but won't do that again. I think you know deep down.

Aj - I hop things are going okay good luck with the clinic next week and enjoy the break from work

Katiekate - it's good to hear from others in the same boat with exes I get told I'm overreacting but she really is a self centred """ even though she knows what we are going through. I could go on for hours but won't bore everyone. - lol

Mrspootle - it's amazing how superstitious we all get during this process clinging to any bit of luck we can.

Hello to all you other lovely ladies.

Had abut of bad news this week whilst my prolactin level has come down they still want me to put the 2nd ivf on hold for another 6 months which will take me to over a year between 1st and 2nd cycle. Not sure I want that esp as I'm 38 in a couple of weeks. Had to do some tough decision making.

Hope everyone has a good weekend off out to a party at a country club but a sober one as my tabs make me feel sick if I drink!

Xx


----------



## Purple Star

Evening ladies  

Tommi, glad the scan went well, hope Monday's does too  

MrsP, sorry to hear about your job, but it's good you can see a positive in a possible move down south. 

Hugs, a massive glass of wine sounds perfect   If I get a bfn next week then that's my plan.

Vickytick, sorry to hear about the prolactin levels and possible hold up. It must be so frustrating when all you want to do is get going again. Hope you enjoy your party. My official otd is the 16th which is 15dp3dt. My clinic test later than others so I may test on day 12 which is Monday.

AFM, am doing ok and am now feeling really calm and peaceful about the whole thing (which is not like me at all so wondering where the real me has gone!). I think it's because we know what the plan is for the next cycle so hopefully I will be able to accept a bfn and move on to the next step.

We are off to a hotel in the yorkshire dales tomorrow for the night (I have Monday off work and DH is on half-term). Really looking forward to some time away, but not sure if testing on Monday is a good plan as it may spoil our break. May leave it until Tuesday but that means having to go straight to work after testing which may be awful. Will see how I feel.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and is wrapped up warm and cosy in this weather.

Lots of love xxxxx


----------



## Purple Star

Tested this morning and it's another bfn for me  

xxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Purplestar sorry to hear about your bfn. I'm not an expert on these things but is it possible that if you tested again on the 16th it might be different? I do believe that we know deep down as we get so in tune with our bodies. Xx


----------



## Purple Star

Thanks vickytick, I will test again on otd but deep down I know it's the right result and 12dp3dt seems fairly standard for testing. There wasn't even a sniff of a second line.

Have just sent off my ARGC forms so at least it feels like a positive step.

xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Purple Star I'm so sorry to here its a BFN Hun I'm hoping and   on OTD thats its a BFP Hun   i hope your OK? big    s


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Purplestar I am so sorry to hear that its bfn, I really hope that it turns out to be a bfp in a few days time on OTD. 

Hope you are ok? Sending you lots of   

xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Purplestar - keeping everything crossed too - I know that these things can turn around and I hope they do for you xx


----------



## SuzieW

Happy valentines day ladies!  At least this is the 1 non-children orientated celebration of the year, so let's enjoy it!  

Purple - so sorry it was a BFN, but still   for you that it was just too early:  I know a lot of people who've had very low levels at the start on OTD and gone on to have healthy pregnancies, so I hope you turn out to be one of those   

Tommi - How did your scan go yesterday?  Do you have a date for EC yet?

Mrs P - I hope VR is the universe's way of pushing you in the right direction to get everthing you want: these things happen for a reason, and I hope you and DH both find fantastic new jobs when you relocate.  Where are you thinking of moving to?  If you're lucky, you could even persuade a new employer to pay your relocation costs  

Vicky - sorry to hear about your prolactin levels.  I think I've said before I don't know much about that, so don't know what the implications are, but maybe it's worth getting a 2nd opinion.  If you're being treated by a local NHS clinic, from my own experience and other people I've spoken to they seem to take a very conservative approach.  I don't know if it's because they're cost focussed or because of the way their targetted, but maybe a consult with someone like the Lister, ARG or Serum would give you some other options to consider (time is so precious on this rollercoaster!)

(hugs) - your op will be here in no time.  Hope everything goes well on 20th.

AJ - hope you're enjoying your week off.  When is your consult?

Hi Mojo, Penelope, KatieKate and all others not mentioned personally.

AFM - well my boss here has finally started talking about fixing a date for me to come home - wahoo!  It looks like April.  I (perhaps prematurely) have booked myself a follow up appointment for 19th which may be a week too soon: I originally went for the week after but then found out that DH is on a course all that week so I'd rather take a gamble with the earlier appointment than accept not to do anything until May.  Interviewing for my replacement this week, so hopefully one of them will be good and then accept an offer!  Keep your fingers crossed for me!


----------



## Tommi

Purple Star - everything crossed for you here!    

SuzieW - everything crossed for you too!       Scan was good yesterday, thanks. I'm doing IUI so no EC but my body responded a little too well to the drugs even though they reduced them... 3 large follies and they only like treating with 2. Consultants have agreed I can go ahead. Huge relief! Although I was daunted by the question: "How do you feel about a multiple pregnancy?" Realistically, I'm 42 so the chances of all 3 producing viable eggs that fertilise is pretty remote but I love the positivity of my clinic! They really have been fabulous.

Hi to everyone else   I hope today is a lovely one for you all.

Txx


----------



## A J

Purple Star....I am so, so sorry to hear your news. I want to send you some massive    
I pray that you have the strength you need right now    and that OTD gives you your dream....

AJ xxx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, I hope you are all doing ok today?

I love reading everyones posts but please excuse me as Im useless with the personals  

Purple star, I hope you are ok? xx
SuzieW...fingers and toes crossed for you that a replacement comes along super fast xx
Tommi...rightly so that the clinic ok's the iui with 3 eggs. I am thinking of you hun and really hope this is your time. xxx
Vicky...have you looked into getting a second opinion? I would def get one, its so frustrating for you hun  

AFM...I went to CRGW for an initial consultation yesterday and they are fab. They said that they would prescribe steroids and do intralipids if I wanted them with my next cycle without having to fork out the £1000 or so for the test. They explained that it doesnt harm to take these things in addition as they just boost the bodies normal levels anyway...so that suits me. I could either do a cycle through them or carry on with the same clinic I have been using.
So, today I have emailed Spain and told them I will do another DEcycle supported by the clinic here with the additional meds they will prescribe. I really want to get going again....I cant stand being between cycles with the clock ticking.

A quick gripe, what is it with all these programmes about babies at the moment? 
Did anyone see 'protecting our children?' How unfair is life? I know its harsh but some of these people really dont deserve to have children especially when there are so many of us who would give anything to be in their position....it made me sad, angry and so much all rolled into one   

Love to all of you that I havent got around to mentioning.

Oh yeah, I have more blooming blood tests tomorrow for my blood sugar, still got the scars from the last tests. I bet there will be lots of nurses going in the opposite direction when they see me coming!

AJ xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Morning ladies  

Hope we are well as can be expected.

AJ good news on the drugs without the cost. It's always nice to get a bit of luck in this process we'll take anything positive.

Purple star how are you hun? Hope you're feeling better 

Tommi i heard that older paddies have more chance of multiple births. Not sure if that was one of the many ivf myths touted or it's true. Good luck thinking of you.

Suziew hope the interviewing is going well and you can home. You must so excited.  

Mrsp how are things with you and the vr?

Hello to everyone else.

Afm thanks for the advice ladies. It's a bit complicated as my ivf clinic is h&e which is private but takes nhs patients. My immunes were done by the m/c clinic in London and the prolactin issue originally found by m/c clinic is being managed by the gp and nhs endocrinologist  after the gp had to repeat bloods. H&e just say come back when ready but the levels should be low for ivf. It's the nhs endocrinologist who wants me to wait. we've decided to wait until April then start 2nd cycle. So only two months and I can't wait.

Had a bit of nightmare though my sil gets married in aug and is booking hen do. Ive said it's a tentative yes due to ttc and ivf. It's caused a bit of a prob as she is not happy but dh is upset that they can't be more considerate to what we are going through and we just can't plan things.


----------



## Tommi

Thanks Vickytick and AJ!  

I had IUI yesterday and it all went really well. I'm so impressed with that clinic compared with my last one. I have Crinone gel this time so fingers crossed no early spotting. So want it to work this time. Woke up so worried about how I will cope if it doesn't     Not exactly a positive attitude is it?! I'm wondering if it's all the hormones (had Buserelin, Gonal F and Ovitrelle this time). Just feel quite tearful today. Fortunately I'm working from home today. Hope I'll be more "together" in a while!

Thinking of you all on this rollercoaster!    

Txx


----------



## SuzieW

Afternoon ladies,

Tommi - Glad IUI went to plan yesterday.  Drugs will make you feel teary at the best of times.  Get yourself a positive thinking CD and play it to yourself whenever you're having a bit of a wobble     

Vicky - It's a difficult situation with your SIL, but I am a strong advocate for doing what you need to do for you in these circumstances and I am with your DH in feeling sad that they are not more considerate.  Ultimately she will have a fab hen do and you can make it up to her another way if you miss it, but if you don't give treatment the best chance of working you may always regret it.  I know I've mentioned it on here before, but the book "So Close" by Tertia Albertyn is a good way of getting close friends and family member to have a better appreciation of not just the physical but the emotional rollercoaster that we have to go through.  I hope you don't have too much family stress  

AJ:  Hope the blood tests this morning go ok - why are they testing your blood sugar?

Purple:  Haven't heard from you since OTD - hope you're ok lovely  

Hope everyone else is having a good afternoon xx


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies

Just a quickie from me as off out..

well otd was today so got our bfn confirmed as expected. I'm actually quite proud of myself, as I managed not to cry! I have requested our notes and am waiting to hear back from ARGC about our appointment. I'm coping with this bfn so much better than the last one, perhaps because we have a plan in place for round 4.

Sorry for not doing personals, but hope everyone is doing ok   

Lots of love xxx


----------



## Tommi

So sorry to read your news Purple Star   You sound as though you are coping very well. Thinking of you  

Thanks for the suggestion SuzieW  I had a little snooze at lunchtime as I suddenly felt exhausted. It did me a lot of good. I've got some meditation CDs so will listen to those. Feeling a bit more awake now! 

Hope everyone else if doing OK today    

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all,

Purple Star so sorry to hear that it bfn, but on a positive note you sound really positive about everything. I do think it helps to have a plan in place so fingers crossed for new clinic, new cycle. 

Sorry Im not very good at doing personals and I havent been on here much lately so not up to date with whats going on for everyone but I will give it a go. Sorry if I miss anyone out!!! 

Tommi, hope IUI has worked for you. 

AJ, sounds like you have a plan in place. CRGW are fantastic and I really hope that the support that they give you this time around helps.  

Vicky, the two month wait til treatment will fly by and gives you chance to do everything you wont be able to do when you get pregnant!!!

AFM, Ive got a scan Sat to see how follies are growing and then we should know when EC will be. Im feeling a little more positive about things now but had a few wobbly days in the week, probably due to hormones etc. 

xxx


----------



## Mojo72

Purple Star, I was sorry to read your BFN news  
Today I have seen two magpies (two for joy) every time I look out of the window and DH found out this afternoon that he has been offered a promotion at work. Linked?
DH watching a programme about how men cope when their wives are pregnant. Can't stand it so suddenly the housework seems much more important as a distraction for the next hour!


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Ladies!

I really need to log on mid-week to catch up with everyone.  Thanks all for your lovely words about my VR situation.  I've gone and applied this week, had a major wobble, then felt better.  Nuts. As usual!!  Keeping fingers crossed as I don't find out until the 5th at the earliest - makes a change from the usual reason for a 2ww.

Looking at CRGH, ARGC or Fertility Academy in London for treatment.  Slight issue is that I've got no idea where in the country I'll be living, but I have friends down south so hoping I can stop over with them if necessary.  DH is starting 2 months down in Essex - so it might, or might not overlap.  Chance are, if I get it, I'll try a cycle then worry about the whole work thing whilst hubby finds something full time.  I work in IT (databases) so hopefully I can find a job anywhere in the country.  All change whatever happens, and I'm feeling positive about it all (most of the time).  Going to miss hubby though.

Some personals:

Mojo - yay to the magpies and well done with DH promotion!

Tommi - how are you feeling?  Snoozes and CDs doing you good?

Purple Star - sorry to hear it was a BFN   sounds like you have an ace attitude and being v positive and strong 

Vicky - Hen parties are a bit of a mare, last year I had my BFN 3 days before - just didn't feel like celebrating.  I went along though to keep up appearances & it was one of my best mates - just kept it low key (as being miserable and drunk isn't a good combo!) - and ended up enjoying it more than I thought.  Was in bed by midnight though - would it be possible to make a getaway (migraines are good excuses) if you don't feel up to it?

Suzie - how's the interviewing going?  

AJ - hope all is good with you, sounds like you might be feeling like a pin cushion!

Anyway, have great weekend - will pop on in a few days (promise)!!

xx


----------



## Vickytick

Afternoon ladies I do hope that we have all been enjoying the nice weather - well it's certainly been sunny down here in the south if not a little cold!

Mrspootle thanks for the positive comments someone else said about using the time todo the things I won't be able to in April. Way more positive way to approach the wait which is exactly what the counsellor said tome on friday.

Tommi how you feeling ? Hopefully resting up.

Mojo72 my hubby reckons he's going to write a book on ivf from a male perspective as there is nothing out there for them. I can't watch any baby related progs the moment.

Aj glad you like the new clinic sounds very positive.

Purplestar I admire your resolve and to already be thinking about the next cycle must help. Onwards and upwards..

Suziew thanks for the support. I'm definitely going to check out that book and pass it around like a book club anything to get people to understand even a little bit.

Penelopepitstop how did the scan go Hun? 

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

Hope we are all ok? Beautiful weather today wasnt it? Its my b'day today so went for a lovely long walk on the beach with the dogs then went for Sunday lunch with the family. Hubby has spoilt me rotten too and is waiting on me hand and foot today!!! 

Scan went well and we are booked in for EC on Tuesday morning so my last jabs are tonight. Eeek!!! Im off work now for a few weeks as its very stressful there at the moment so taking some time off to relax. 

xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

PP - good luck on Tuesday! And Happy Birthday - crossing my fingers for you xx
Vickytick - it's been lovely oop north too & aren't counsellors wonderful?  I like the way they help you see things from different perspectives xx


----------



## Purple Star

PP, happy birthday! Loads of luck for Tuesday, let us know how it goes  

Hope everyone has had a good weekend xxxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies..

How are we all?

Sorry i havent been posting. just lurking.I have read some posts but you have all been busy.

I see we still havent changed our name yet..

Penelope, we are having e/c the same day as you.. Hope all goes well.

Jillyhen x


----------



## Vickytick

Best of luck tomorrow jillyhen and Penelope pitstop   xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good luck for tomorrow Jilly Hen, hope it all goes well. 

Thanks Vicky xx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen and PP, wishing you both lots of luck for tomorrow  

xxx


----------



## A J

PP and Jillyhen....GOOD LUCK for tomorrow    I will be thinking about you both xxx

Well, I have just had a lovely couple of days in retail therapy heaven. A 2 day coach trip to Bath and Bristol. Left DH behind as he had his son and had a lovely time spoiling myself. I will have to make sure it doesn't become too much of a habit but hey, why not!!! 
Back to work today after half term. We had an inset day on manual handling and sat next to someone who has just found out she was pregnant, so loads of time in baby talk again AAHH!!!

Hope you are all ok?
Spring is on the way, we have nearly made it through winter as well  
AJ xxx


----------



## (hugs)

PP and Jillyhen all the best of luck tomorrow ladies   will be thinking of you both


----------



## SuzieW

Just a quickie to wish Penelope and Jilly the very best of luck today -     you both get a fantastic haul and have no pain


----------



## Tommi

PP and Jillyhen... Good luck!          

Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks Girlies for all your well wishes

We had 10 eggs collected this morning and as i hd a sedation i was painfree well almost felt a couple of wee twinges but nothing as bad as last years..

Pp how did you get on?

A J your wee trip away sounds lovely.

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Great news Jillyhen!    
Txx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen, great news! Hope they all do their stuff tonight   

PP, hope you got on ok?

Hi to everyone  

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Quick hello - excellent news Jillyhen  

PP - hope you are ok hun 

MrsP
x


----------



## A J

Jillyhen...thats fab news.   they do their magic tonight xxx

PP....let us know how you got on when you get a chance   xxx

AJxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Jilly - hope your embies have been busy getting jiggy over night    

PP - hope EC went well yesterday and that you also have lots of busy embies


----------



## Vickytick

Just a quick note for our ec ladies.

Jillyhen really hope you get some very good news this morning 

Penelope hope you are okay and ec went well.

Rest up ladies.

Hello to everyone else. I'm off to NY today for a few days and my bday so won't be able to access this site. We've decided to cut ourselves off from home and just be us two for a few days. So no Internet browsing etc.
Look forward to hearing your news when I get back on Tuesday.

Xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Afternoon Ladies, 

Jillyhen thats brilliant news 10 eggs   hope they all get busy    

PP hope EC went well for you Hun and you got lots of eggs  

Purple Star hows things now Hun? whats your next step?  

Vickytick hope you have a great time away and have a lovely birthday  

Hope the rest of the ladies are all well and fine cant believe its Thursday already the days are flying by! takecare all


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey lovely ladies

I got the phone call yesterday to say 6 wee embies had made it.

Just waiting for the phone call today.. Very impatient..

pp how did you get on?

Thanks girlies for your well wishes.

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Lovely news Jillyhen!  
Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey girlies

We now have 3 embies to go ahead for transfer tomorrow.. 2x grade 2, 1 x grade 3.

3 of them didnt make it as they started to split   

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Jillyhen - that sounds great! Sorry to hear about the 3 that didn't make it but 3 are obviously resilient little embies so lots of       and       for a happy transfer day tomorrow!
Txx

PS Lots of this too!


----------



## A J

Jillyhen...good luck for transfer tomorrow. 3 left at this stage sounds really good to me.
Will be thinking about you  
PP...thinking about you too hun, hope things are ok?  

Vicky, you lucky girl, enjoy!! xx

Well, hectic week for me with work but the week is nearly done. DH and myself are planning on buying a campervan on Saturday. Never had one before so sounds great in theory!!
Its been one of things that we have kept putting off incase the baby does decide to come along but Im fed up of things being on hold. Im the same with so many things, like clothes that I really like and are a bit expensive. I think, what a waste if I get pregnant (yeah like when??) and cant wear them. I have to start living in the now more.

Hope you are all ok and if I dont speak before, have a great weekend 
AJ xx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen, lots of luck for transfer tomorrow   

Vickytick, enjoy NY!  

AJ, I'm the same with clothes. I held off buying a new pair of jeans for ages for the same reason, but finally decided that was daft so treated myself to some news ones. Enjoy campervan shopping, sounds like a fab idea!

Hugs, I'm doing ok thanks. We've got our appointment at ARGC next Wednesday so looking forward to getting the ball rolling. I know it's the start of another long journey but at least it's a step forward.

PP, hope you are doing ok?

Hope everyone else is well, nearly the weekend! I've got a hen weekend which I'm partly dreading, as I'm not really in the mood. Plus, I only know the bride so will have to make a big effort to get to know everyone and join in. I'm not sure I've got the energy for it!

Love to all xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Just a quickie to wish Jilly good luck today - getting to ET is a big achievement in itself so     

PP -thinking of you lovely


----------



## Katie Kate

Hi everybody
Good luck today Jill
AJ I'm the same with putting off buying things- but agree with u that u should just go for it and try not to put things on hold all the time- easier said than done! I've been putting off decorating the spare room and buying a new car for the same reason :-(
So I start stimms today- very excited! At down reg scan on weds was told to keep going for a couple of extra days so Im a few days off plan but pleased they were so cautious. Might cause a potential problem that DH will have his son on the weekend when we mght have ET but have asked my mum to be on standby to have him for a few hours- just got to think of an excuse to tell himwhy he has to spend a few hours with his step nan at short notice!
Thank god it's Friday ladies- it's been a long week!
Lots of love
X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

Sorry i havent posted for a while, I have been following you all, lurking in the background!!

Jillyhen, great news on 3 embies, good luck for transfer today, are you having all three put back?

Katie, good luck with your cycle, its good to get started isnt it? 

Purple star, I hope the hen weekend isnt too bad for you. Will be thinking of you. 

AJ, how exciting buying a campervan!!! You will need it for cheap hols when you have a little one!!!

AFM, had a pretty stressful time of things at EC as I had a bleed during the proceedure and had to stay at the clinic for 5 hours so they could monitor me. Im ok now and pleased to say that out of 6 eggs 5 fertilised, had a phonecall this morning to say 4 are viable so they want to take them to blast and ET will be on Sunday. 

xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

PP - That's great news! Potentially 4 little blasties!  Sorry you had a rough time during EC and hope you're recovering well now.

KK - Happy stabbing!

AJ - What kind of campervan are you going for?  Sounds fun and as PP said make sure there's space for a little one on board 

Jilly - Hope all went smoothly today and you have your feet up

Vicky - Enjoy NYC - sounds fab!  A few days cut off from technology does no harm at all - we'll still be here when you get back 

Purple - Hope the hen do turns out to be better than expected (it's usually the way: the one's you expect to be amazing can be disappointing and others surprise you).  Hope you can enjoy a few cheeky glasses of vino  

Hi to Tommi, MrsP, (hugs) and all not mentioned personally.

AFM I have decided to detox and have shelled an obsene amount of money on a "fertility cleansing kit" which can only be bought from the US (so most of the cost is postage) but it's supposed to rebalance hormones, detox and clean out the uterus of any old tissue that it's not shed, which I seem to have symptoms of.  Part of me thinks I've been a mug and I'd normally be very cynical about these things, but it had a lot of very very convincing reviews (fertility related and just about getting AF back to a more healthy state) so I figured if I'm going to shell out a few thousand quid on ivf treatment, I might as well spend a bit up front to give it the best possible chance.  As the only postage option was "express courier" it should be here in a few days so I can start purifying!   

Incidentally, has anyone else heard of or had the "hidden C" test from Serum?  I've heard some really positive reviews of Serum and it's one of the standard tests they seem to do on most people before consultation, so (as Serum is my back up plan if my NHS clinic won't play ball) I'm planning to send off a sample this weekend.  It's a bit grim (if you know what the test is you'll understand why) but I figure it won't hurt.

Finally from me (I'm being a board-hogger today!) I have a much anticipated visit from DH this weekend - first time we've seen each other in a month, so both very excited, although unfortunately AF is due to make an unwelcome appearance which may hamper our reunion somewhat!  

Hope you all have a fab weekend


----------



## A J

PP...I have been thinking about you today with tx, really hope things went ok and you are able to put your feet up a bit. You have had a tough few days  

Suzie...I love the sound of the detox, I know my body would benefit from it. Let us know how you get on with it. I have heared about the hiddenC test but I have never been recommended to do it. Isn't it frustrating that we all know so much about the tests available but often have to fight our way for them or find clinics who do them. I hope you have enjoyed weekend with DH xx

Hi to everyone else...I hope you are all ok and have enjoyed the weather this weekend? Its been lovely here  

I had a bit of an emotional wobble this morning in church. One of the women said to me your looking really well and patted my stomach (cringe horror!!) I didn't know what to say so just mumbled something about being fat. She said oh I was hoping for some news by now...I replied that I'm 43 this year and am not getting any younger. She said that she had to tell her daughters when they got into their thirties that they better hurry up etc, etc. I didn't know what to say, went bright red as there was a guy I have known for years standing with us and mumbled something about that if babies were going to come along they would if they were meant to. (one of those moments when I wanted the ground to open up) i cried all the way home. 
Some people just dont get it!!!!!! Going to avoid her like the plague. Actually, while I am thinking about it it was her husband (who is a preacher) who once said that it wasn't womens entitlement to have children, it was a privilege....avoid them both like the plague!!!

Sorry, rant over.
On a lighter note, we got the camper van. Cant wait to get out in it. Unfortunately DH has his son for the next 3 weekends which is really annoying (as usual) so it has to wait!!! 

AJ xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How are you ??

PP god love you hun its sounds like you had a horrific time.. Good luck for e/t today..

A J some people can be really insenstive..   Health to drive ( i think thats the saying ) your campervan.

Purple,Suzie,katie,Tommi,Aj,PP thank you for all your well wishes, i hopefully have 2 wee embies snuggling in as i type unfortunately the 3rd couldnt be used as it had started to fragment   So i have 1 grade 2, 6 cell and a grade 3, 6 cell so fingers crossed they hang on tight.

Jillyhen


----------



## Purple Star

PP, hope ET went well   

Jillyhen, glad to hear you've got your embies safely back on board   

AJ, how awful, can't believe she said all that   Hope you get to use your camper van soon.

Susie, hope the detox goes well. I have also heard of the hidden c test that Serum do but don't really know anything about it (although I do know what sample you need to get and like you say it's a bit grim!).

Katie Kate, how's stimming going?

Hope everyone has had a good weekend.

xxxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Jillyhen nice to hear you have 2 wee embies on board congrats on being pupo  

AJ omg i hate people like that its so unfair it really gets on my (beep) i feel like punching someone when they are so incentive to our feelings. i just put on a fake smile and greet my teeth! now were having some nice weather i hope you get to use your camper van very soon  

PP i hope ET went well for you today Hun big  

Susie that detox sounds good think i need something like that..lol never heard of it tho, its amazing what you can find out on here! hope you enjoy  

Katiekate Hows everything going?  

Hi to tommi, vicky, susie and MrsP and Purple Star hope you are all well and had a lovely weekend... sorry if i have forgotton anyone 

AFM not alot to report really weekend was OK got a new pair of slippers for my opp went to shops with DH and had my nephew yesterday and today, cant believe i have my opp a week tomorrow its just flying by eeekkk! well going to watch the rest of my programme. Takecare all


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All!!!

Going to try to post but using our old computer as hubby has taken new one to Seattle with him for work. 

AJ, what an awful woman (and husband). Im not surprised you were upset, it always amazes me how insensitive people are. Ive started keeping a diary and logging what people say as I just cant believe is sometimes.

Jillyhen, hope your embies are settling in nicely. Fingers crossed!!! Are you taking some time off work? 

Hugs, wont be long now before your op. I went out and bought new slippers for mine last year!!!  

AFM, had ET yesterday and had two blasts put back. One was a grade 3aa and the other one was a strange sausage shape but viable !!!! So Ive named them burt and ernie due to the shape of their heads!!! Think Im losing the plot already!!!!  The other ones didnt make it so had nothing to freeze. 

I hope everyone else is ok? 

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Fantastic news PP loving the names by the way   made me giggle! sending lots of good vibes your way    hope the 2ww flys by for you


----------



## Jillyhen

Love the names PP

Its strange how each clinic grades them ours are graded 1-4!!

Hopefully my wee bubs are hanging in there, have been having period like cramps all day and had a wee panic this morning.. Though it was all over had a good wee   ..

Jillyhen


----------



## A J

PP...I hope Bert and Ernie are snuggling in well, glad tx went well  

Jillyhen....period type cramps are perfectly normal, although I do understand how scary it can be xx

I hope you both are getting as much rest as you can and the 2ww is not too difficult, it is the hardest part xx

I'm still waiting for af to arrive so I can go back on the pill to start down reg before next donor cycle. I have no idea about when to expect it as had the drop in hcg on the 27 Jan test, stopped taking meds and started bleeding the next day. The last couple of days I have been feeling a bit strange, very crampy, tired, sore boobs etc but not unusual for me. I for some strange reason decided to do a hpt which came back a very, very, very faint poss (you have to look really carefully to see it) which has freaked me out. I'm petrified that when I test again in a few days it will have vanished again. I wonder am I so crazy that I have imagined it, or maybe its the hcg left from the last pregnancy although the level had gone down to 2 a month ago.
I just want to get pregnant and stay pregnant. All this never really knowing is driving me crazy!!!

I just wanted to get that off my chest xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

OMG, AJ, trying not to get too excited for you as understand your apprehension but hope that this is a good sign. Maybe do another test again in a few days time? 

I think Im going insane already and its only been a few days!! Im off work at the moment but thinking about going back next week just for a distraction but I dont really like work and there are alot of pregnant women around at the moment so not sure if that would be the best move either Going to a friends for a cuppa and biccies later so that should take my mind off things. 

Jillyhen, I hope those cramps are a good sign, if you are taking cyclogest then this can cause period like cramps so try not to worry too much (so much easier said than done I know!!!). 

xxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies. I'm back after some much needed quality time with dh. Had a great time and feel quite focused on ivf now. Both feel it did us the world of good. We're off to a counselling session on mood and stress tonight for coping techniques. We've also been invited to a wedding in Rhodes in aug which before I'd said no as I might pg etc but we've decided to go (if dh's ex will have ss as its our two weeks but he's not invited) as it'll be good and give us something to look forward to.

Been catching up and have missed a lot in a few dAys!!

Aj - you must be so confused poor thing. Will you do another test? I really hope it's what you think  oh and I cant believe the insensitivity of some people. Apparently the pope has been talking about fertility treatment and the religious stance.

Pp and jillyhen - lots of positive vibes going your way girlies. Fingers, toes and legs all crossed. 

Hugs - cant believe it's only a week till the op it's come around quite quickly but then who can believe its nearly march!

Katiekate, purple star - how are you ladies?

Xx

Suziew - how's the detox going? Hope you and dh had a good weekend


----------



## Katie Kate

Hiya 
Vicktick- really good to hear u all positive- I think the best thing to do is plan things to look forward to & enjoy them (& I hope ur ss's mum plays ball!)

Pp&jill- I hope u are coping with the dreaded 2ww, I know I always go crazy, and litterally can't think if anything except fertility and babies so I know how it feels  good luck both

AJ- Im really really hoping that what u r hoping for is true  I fell pg naturally out of the blue and it started so faint I thought I was imagining it or going crazy. I agree wait a day or two then maybe buy one with a cross instead of a line xxx

AFM- on day 6 of stimms. I'm soooo bloated, got headaches & really thirsty and tired. All worth it though. Got first scan Friday to see how I'm doing. I'm nervous! I think one of bosses at work is pregnant, in fact I think loads of people are pregnant- I'm going mad thinking about it! I'm worried that I won't be ready for ec when is planned and I'll have to change my annual leave. I only have 5 days left and haven't told anyone about the ivf 
Hopefully I'll know more Friday.

Hello to everyone else

Speak soon xxx
Ps the countdown to mothers day has begun :-(


----------



## A J

Vicky..glad you had a lovely time away and had some quality time alone with DH that you really deserve  

Katiekate...its always tricky isnt it juggling holidays to fit fertility treatment in. I hope you are plodding through the stimms ok xx

PP...I have always continued to work after my ivf/tx's as I found it helped me keep away from the symptom searching.

All that is taking over me again at the moment and Im finding it really hard. I have done a couple of tests now, those lines are difficult to detect when they are faint so I did a clear blue digital which shows pg 1-2 weeks. I am having some quite strong cramping pains on and off and a bit of brown spotting today so not really hopeful. My epu have given me cyclogest twice a day and the new clinic I went for an initial consultation with are prescribing the steroids tomorrow. 
I cant stop knicker checking all the time and that bit of brown (tmi!!) has really made me think this pregnancy is going the same way as all the others. 
I have had the odd moments of hopefullness but it keeps getting snatched away.

Just came back from my grad dip course and the lecturer  spent the first 20mins showing us a picture of her 3 week old granddaughter and all about the pregnancy etc,etc. Babies and pregnant happy women everywhere. Dont think I will ever get to feel that.

Oh, and dont start me on Mothers Day....another awful one.
I really am a misery aernt I? Just   scared...

Hi to everyone else I havent mentioned, hope things are going ok?
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh AJ honey I dont know what to say to make thins better. This must be awful for you. I have everything crossed that your little one hangs on tight with the help from the steroids and cyclogest. The spotting and cramping could be due to implantation but I know how hard it is to stay positive when you only have negative experiences to relate to.  

Im up and down like a yoyo at the moment and convinced that it hasnt worked again. There are other people on my clinic thread that are due to test the same time as me and they all have symptoms at this stage and I have nothing. 

Vicky, those fears about not being ready for EC are normal, I had all of those worries this time and they were completely unfounded but it is such an emotional rollercoaster isnt it. Fingers crossed for you.  

I hope everyone else is ok? 

As for mothers day, yes I am dreading it. The TV ads have already started and my supervisor in work is due on mother's day too  . 

xxx


----------



## SuzieW

Morning ladies,

PP - Loving the embie names: will you keep them once they stick?!  

AJ - How confusing.  Have you been back to the doctors?  I really hope things start to head in a positive direction    Incidentally my boss constantly uses analogies about babies/childbirth/labour - I feel like he must be doing it deliberately and I have to restrain myself each time!

Vicky - Glad you enjoyed NYC and have come back feeling refreshed.  I think it's good not to put your life on hold as it only makes you more resentful while you're waiting

Katie Kate - Good luck with your scan tomorrow.  I hope your pg suspicions are wrong - I do the same: I constantly fret about who will be next, who's secretly pregnant and about to hit me with a sucker punch and somehow I always feel really stupid when someone does announce it, like someone else who's cracked the code when I haven't  

Jilly - I'm guessing you're scottish, but your post made me chuckle as at first I read that you had a wee that morning (which confused me   ) Hope the cramps were a positive sign  

(Hugs) - how are the new slippers working out? Or are they being saved for best?    

Hi Purple, Tommi, Mrs P and anyone not mentioned personally

AFM: Detox kit still not arrived   Hoping it'll be here by Saturday which is when I'm due to start taking it, otherwise it may have to be next month.  Hope it clears customs OK!    I had a lovely weekend with DH, but then on Monday I had a bit of a nightmare with AF.  Don't want to go into tmi but put it this way my superduper strength belt and braces lady-products approach failed and there was an 'incident' with the carpet & my chair at work - mortifying.  I'm hoping noone noticed, but I think they're just being too polite to say after I went home "ill".  I went to the doctors on Tuesday as I just didn't feel right - very light headed and weak, so I'm going back on Monday for blood tests as I suspect my iron levels may be down.  It's just one thing after another!


----------



## Tommi

Morning ladies! Gosh I have so much to catch up on.

AJ   I have everything crossed. It really is the hardest time.  

Just want to send good wishes to everyone  

I've just had my third BFN. Lots of drugs this time but not enough to stop   First day of a BFN is always the hardest. Need to sort out my plan!

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommi, Im so sorry to hear about your bfn, its so hard isnt it? Sending you massive hugs   and make sure you treat yourself to something nice to cheer yourselve up. 

xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Tommi - sending you lots of    Don't think BFNs ever get easier.  Just hope you don't have many more


----------



## Tommi

Thanks so much ladies


----------



## Vickytick

Just a quick post from me before I pop out to the shops.

Really sorry to hear the news Tommi its never easy is it. Its the shock on day one I think.   

AJ - Fingers and toes crossed for you and I hope it gets stronger. Good that you've been given the steriods as that should help. x

To our   ladies how are you coping? I think its true what everyone says I can take the drugs, injections, everybody looking up my body parts but its the 2ww that got me last time and the one thing I'm dreading when thinking of the 2nd IVF. Never know what to do take time off or keep busy everyone has an opinion on what worked for them. Lots of    your way.

Suziew- Poor you you must have been mortified its the curse of being female. I had a staff member who had an 'incident' where she had to go out and buy new trousers as a result. Lucky it was me in charge, imagine telling a male boss - eurgh no way..

Katiekate - hope the scan goes well.

Hello to everyone else.

Can't believe its nearly mothers day. Another disappointed year made harder by the fact this should've been my first one as the baby was due July last year. Hopefully next year we'll all be on our way or even with babies (2ww ladies  ).

xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

My god its busy on here. I cant keep track, im trying to multitask and type and read..

Tommi so sorry to hear your news hun   

Suzie im from northern ireland.. Sorry to hear about your incident xx

Aj are you on the 2 ww?

Pp how are you finding your 2 ww?

Afm, i have been having a wee panic this week have been having cramps all week esp after cyclogest so its continious knicker checking.. Has this happened to any of you other lovelly ladies??

Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

Thanks so much ladies   I really hope that's the last BFN for this thread! I have everything crossed for some BFPs. I need to hear some good news!
Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Jilly, Ive read that the cramps are caused by cyclogest, Ive had them on and off all week too and they woke me up last night. How are you feeling? Im swinging between positive thoughts and total devastation as Ive convinced myself it hasnt worked again!!! This 2ww is really dragging!!!


Suzie, thanks for the supportive words!!! Lets hope we are all mummies or mummies to be by next mothers days. 
xxx


----------



## A J

Tommi...Im so, so sorry to hear your news    it is the most awful feeling immaginable. I pray your dream will come true very soon xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Pp

I have been the exact same, apart from the cramps im feeling great.. One minute i think its a positive and the other im convinced it hasnt..

I also keep comparing this cycle to last years, i had 2 embies transferred a week after e/t i had awful cramps and started bleeding 3 days later.. This time my embies had an extra day in the lab.. 

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Thanks so much AJ  

2ww ladies I have everything crossed for you! 

            

      

Txx


----------



## (hugs)

Tommi im so sorry hun to hear you had  bfn lots of


----------



## Katie Kate

Morning ladies,

I'm just waiting at the hospital for a blood test after my first scan this morning. It shows 22 follicles! At the moment think only about 6 are large enough but worried about OHSS as really bloated so having blood test for oestradiol (am reading that off the sheet as I have no idea what it is!) fingers crossed I will just reduce my dose slightly and a few more will catch up, but not too many! Hoping to be ready Monday & EC Wednesday. 
Was hoping to get to work early today as driving to Suffolk for a wedding later and wanted to leave early. Now looks unlikely. The stress of juggling a full time job & all these unexpected delays is doing my nut in! Anywho, happy Friday! X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommi thanks so much for the positive vibes!!! I need all I can get at the moment as all my PMA  has left the building today. 

Katie, fingers crossed that you do not have OHSS. If it helps put your mind at rest I had 35 follies at this stage and they lowered my dose for a few days so that I  didnt grow any new follies but so that the smaller ones could catch up. Hope you can get back to work so that you can shoot off early for the wedding. 

I hope everyone has a good weekend. 

Jilly, will you be testing early? I was going to hold out til test day and buy a test then to avoid the temptation but the clinic give me a test so its staring at me all the time even though the thought of it is petrifying me!!!!

AJ, how are you my lovely.  Thinking of you.  

xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ thanks PP that does make me feel better- all good though, blood results are fine so carrying on on higher dose till Monday- just got to eat lots of protein! Am sneaking of work in an hour or so so best do some work... X


----------



## Jillyhen

PP

Hubby wont let me test early..

My    has taken a downward spiral, day 5 of cramps, have a headache today and it seems like af is on its way..  

I had no symptoms last year until a week after e/t.

Katie, glad your bloods are ok.. Hope you have a lovely weekend 

Jillyhen x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Jilly, its still not over and they may not be a sign of AF but I know exactly how you feel. Ive lost all hope that this cycle has worked and so scared how Im going to cope!!! I was going to test 2 days early on Thursday but hubby is away with work and dont want to be alone after testing so thats off the cards.  Sending you huge hugs     



Katie, great news on bloods. Yeay, for EC next week then??!!! Enjoy the wedding.

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Aw Pp

The 2 ww is crap.. Hang on there    

I only have to wait till thursday.. Only 5 more sleeps!! 

Supposes it all depends on how these symptoms go..

Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

Aw ladies it's horrid isn't it? But I'm full of optimism for you. Here's a whole wall of it!

                  

As my acupuncturist said to me yesterday, "hold your hand kindly"... it's such a tough thing to do and we need to be gentle with ourselves.

So here's a delicate hug for you all  

I saw a friend of mine today who is a monk. I put in a request and he's on the case for us all!

                

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi...thats a really nice thought. perhaps your Monk friend will be able to give us all lots of    vibes. I hope you are doing OK? xx

Jillyhen and PP...hang in there girls, it is the toughest time isn't it? Its so difficult when af and pregnancy symptoms are the same. In fertility struggles we learn to look at every sign and analyse it to the bitter end. What are your OTD's? xx

Vicky...how are you doing hun? Did you treat yourself or get treated to anything nice while you were away, or maybe just relaxed and had some quality time with DH and no distractions. xx

KatieKate...I'm so glad the bloods came back OK and things are still on track for you xx

Hi to all the rest of us special ladies...hope you have some nice plans for the weekend, the sun is shining here again  

Well, I'm still hanging on not really sure what is happening. I have been having strong cramps on and off for about 4 days now and brown spotting for 3 days which is awful. I did another hpt today which still shows positive, a little stronger but not as dark as the control line. 
Today I have been for acupuncture and ended up in tears talking to the lovely lady who did it (we had never met before, she was wonderful so am seeing her again in the morning). I also went for a blood test the results wont be through until Monday. I am totally convinced that this pregnancy is failing so have decided to get them checked or I will be doing pee sticks every day and driving myself nuts comparing lines. I keep digging them out of the bin and checking! 
I cant believe this is my third pregnancy in as many months, my body and head dont know what is happening  

We haven't had chance to go out in our new toy, the camper van yet but will take a run to one of the beaches Sunday afternoon and pretend we have been there all night   The dog is going to love it. Its only a small camper but has everything we need like toilet, shower, cooker, tv etc and a bed which is going to be a bit cramped (cosy is a better word  ). 

Have a great weekend everyone, love and hugs   xx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ I'll be thinking of you on Monday when u get the blood results. It all sounds really positive to me, but when you have been through what you have in the last few months it is understandable to be cautious and confused. Take care of yourself xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommi, thanks so much for the gentle hugs and I really hope your friend's positive vibes work for all of us!!

AJ, you poor thing, this must be so hard for you. Dont blame you for getting your bloods done, hopefully they will show good numbers and it will put your mind at rest. I know a few people who have had brown spotting at the early stage of pregnancy and everything has worked out ok but I understand that it is hard to stay positive given everything that you have gone through before.  Your plan for Sunday sounds lovely and the weather is glorious at the moment so enjoy!!!

AFM, my test date is a week today. I started off thinking I wasnt going to test early and was going to buy a hpt on the test date but then the clinic gave us a test so I thought we might test 2 days early on Thursday. However hubby is working away that day and I really dont want to be on my own so think we will just go back to the original test date!!! I know its a week away but Im petrified and am now totally convinced t hat it hasnt work. I dont have any symptoms at all and the cramping has stopped  

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Aj I hope it went okay today remember we are all here for you.

Pp it's so tough knowing if to test early or not but please don't write off this cycle until otd everyone is different and some get symptoms whilst others don't. Lots of virtual hugs your way  

Tommi hope you are a little better in the circumstances  

Jillyhen how's the dreaded   

Katiekate Are you sorted?

Hi to everyone else.

Afm I go back to work tomorrow and feel sick about it. I've not worked for 8 months due to leaving before first ivf so feel like this is giving up but the money will come in handy and it's only 3 days a week. It's the place really as I know it's going to be a nightmare. Hopefully I'll be surprised....


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
Aj have you got your results yet??  
Pp how you doin?
Vickytick, good luck on going back to work tomorrow, i supposes when you are back it wont seem as if you ave been away.
Im in a bit of a pickle, i have noticed brown spotting and i think im starting to bleed im really panicking that my af is on the way.. I didnt make it past day 10 of transfer the last time.
Jillyhen


----------



## Katie Kate

Hiya
Jilly I really hope it's not AF, how frustrating and confusing
Vickytick- I hope tomorrow goes ok x
I'm just about to trigger, got EC on Wednesday, Eek x


----------



## A J

KatieKate...good luck with EC tomorrow, let us know how you get on. Sending you lots of     

Jillyhen...oh hun, I hope that spotting has stopped for you as its so very common when the body is adjusting to changes  xx

PP...I hope you are coping ok with the waiting and not doing what I spend my time doing...Dr Googling as he drives me nuts!! xx

Vicky...I hope work isn't too painful, I'm sure it wont be as bad as it seems when you have been there a few days and got settled in. I'm trying to settle into a new school at the moment, I'm there until at least Easter, maybe until the summer as person I am covering is off having chemotherapy. It the staff room that I find hardest, I dont know about you? Hope it goes well though xx

Tommi...how are you doing my lovely? xx

AFM...well over again as quick as it came. Its been a crazy 10 days getting a natural positive after all these years. It was too good to be true. I had blood test Friday then started bleeding on Saturday. I have carried on taking the meds as I have had to have a 2nd blood test today. I have decided to get both results together as one isn't much good without the other. I knew I was pregnant as hpt's told me that. Yesterday I did another digital one which said not pregnant in nice bold letters. So the blood test today has been a bit of a waste of time but really wanted it for the record.
I have contacted Spain who have said that I can do another DE cycle next month as we are in Spain over Easter...how mad is that!! I honestly dont know what to do. Part of me wants to jump straight in the other part thinks my body really needs a break. I have had 3 consecutive pregnancies now without a break but I'm getting desperate. Its only when I'm cycling that I have that hope again. 
Anyway, I will stop the cyclogest tomorrow when I get the official hcg drop and wait for af then decide. 

Lots of love to you all xxx   xxx ^hugme


----------



## Purple Star

Hi ladies

Not been on for a while so apologies if I miss anyone...

Tommi, so sorry about your bfn, take good care of yourself  

AJ, what a time of it you've been having. How cruel to have this taken away again    Personally I like to get straight back onto a cycle, as like you it gives me hope, but maybe a break would be a good idea. Do whatever you feel is best for you and your body. Take care.

Katie kate, good luck for EC tomorrow, let us know how it goes   

Vickytick, hope work went ok today?

hugs, how are you doing?

Lots of luck to our 2ww ladies, PP and Jillyhen, keeping everything crossed for you  

AFM, had our appt at ARGC last week. I got a really good feeling about the clinic and came out feeling v positive. I'm now waiting for AF to arrive so I can start my monitoring cycle and then they will decide on the protocol. I'm also having all the immune tests done so am interested to see if that shows anything up. Fingers crossed this one works   

Love to all xxxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Katiekate - good luck for EC tomorrow - hope you get lots of juicy egged

Hi to everyone else - just a quick hello before bed


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning All,

Sorry I havent been on for a while, the 2ww has been driving me nuts so thought Id take a break from everything for a while. 

AJ, Im so sorry to hear that you've had such a tough time of things lately. You poor thing. I can understand your concern about having another cycle straight away but maybe it is meant to be 

Katie kate good luck for EC today flower. 

Purple Star, great news on starting at new clinic. Hope AF arrives soon so you can get started. 

Jillyhen, how are you doing hun? Hope the spotting has stopped. Are you testing tomorrow? 

As for me, well after having cramping all last night we decided to test this morning (3/4 days early) and it was bfn    I know it is a few days early but not holding out much hope for a positive on OTD. Cant stop crying and totally devastated. 

xxxx


----------



## Katie Kate

AJ I'm really sorry to hear that, how very cruel. I know what u mean about giving yourself a break. Perhaps your body needs it mentally and physically? X

PP you've tested too early! Im sure I will too though! Fingers crossed it's not AF cramps though and the PT just wasn't sensitive enough x

Hi to everybody else- I hope the 2ww or break in treatment is not driving you too nuts.

Just got back from EC. Was longer than I thought as had a bit of a funny turn after with my har rate at 146 for a while! Anyway the good news is DH got the eggs to the lab on time and I now have 17 eggs in the lab of love hopefully getting jiggy! Feeling really bloated and uncomfortable but hoping that will ease. Really pleased with 17 as was expecting about 10- just hope at least half will fertilise and make it to blast. Nervous about the phone call tomorrow to tell me!

Off to lie on the sofa
Take care all
Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

17, wow thats great news Katie Kate. Rest up and let hubby pamper you tonight and good luck for the call tomorrow. xxxx


----------



## Purple Star

Katie kate, great news! Hope you get a good call in the morning   

PP, it sounds like you have tested very early so it's definitely not over yet. Lots of luck   

xxxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Katiekate - great numbers best of  luck with  baby dance  

Aj - im so sorry that this has happened to you it's just not fair hunni with everything else you put up with. Do whatever you feel right with ut me would jump straight back on. I'm grateful mines funded but the wait is a killer.

Pp - I don't want tp patronise you as I really believe at we know deep down if it's worked but try again in a couple of days. Really hope it's then the right FAIR result for you.

Jillyhen - hope its all okay.

Purplestar - I'm on a ** age offshoot from ff and a lot of the are at Argc and rave about it but I hear it's expensive is that true?

Tommi- how are you hunni?

Hello to hugs as well.

Work not too bad only or to get through tomorrow - lol xx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Ladies,

Had my opp on Monday i was a nervous wreck but all went well i had both tubes removed and while they was there a cyst on my left ovary was found, so he also removed that. I was sick as a dog off the morphine so i didn't get discharged till yesterday, so I'm now home taking things easy glad its all done now and i can move on i have to have two Menstrual  cycles before i can start fet looking at may   cant wait well just wanted to say hi and update everyone hope everyone is doing OK will catch up over weekend takecare all


----------



## Purple Star

Hugs, glad the op went well. Bet you can't wait to get going again  

Vickytick, yes it is expensive. Average cycles seem to be £12-15K and then more if you get a bfp as they carry on with lots of monitoring/ drugs if you need them. It's going to be a bl**dy expensive bfn if it doesn't work!

xxxxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Morning ladies,

Katie Kate - Well done on getting 17 yesterday: I hope you get great news today     Loving the "lab of love" term too  

Hugs - Glad the op went well - 2 months will fly by  

PP - I agree with Katie that you tested too early!  I   there's some positive activity and better news on OTD

AJ - What a rollercoaster you're on missus   Hope you and DH can have a bit of fun in your new toy and give your body a bit of a break for a couple of months  

Jilly - Hope you're holding up ok on these last couple of days - is tomorrow OTD?

Tommi - here's hoping your Monk friend uses his direct line to the big man well!      

Vicky - hope you're ok.

AFM: after a week of being convinced it had been seized by customs, my detox kit arrived on Tuesday - yay!  So I am officially in detox mode and am also trying to do a fertility diet that the same site recommends: I took a trip to the supermarket last night and came back loaded with organic lentils, brown rice and beans - tasty...!


----------



## Katie Kate

Suzie this diet sounds intrigueing!
I just got 'the call' and 12 have fertilised  really pleased  am booked in provisionally for ET on Saturday but if can't see which ones are strongest then will wait till sun or mon. And breathe! X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Suzie, great news your detox kit has arrived. 

Katie, lovely numbers lets hope your little embies grow ready for ET on Sat or next week!!!

Jillyhen, hope you are ok flower? 

xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

bHi Ladies
Sorry i have been awol for the past couple of days.
Pp how are you hun?
Katie congrats on your bubs, lets hope there is a lot of loving in the lab    
There has been so many updates on here and i really cant remember everyone's names.
Today was my otd and im happy to announce that im pregnant.. Still in a bit of shock.
There was so much going on this week with all the bleeding i had convinced it was all over.
Jillyhen xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Jillyhen- Big congratulations brilliant news you must be over the moon- enjoy every second xxxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Fab news Jillyhen! 

xx


----------



## A J

Jillyhen....CONGRATULATIONS!!! BFP, I'm so chuffed for you   

PP...still early hun, I really hope its good news round the corner for you too xxx


KatieKate...things are looking really fab with those eggies. How many are you having transfered? xx

Hugs...so glad the op went well and I hope you are getting some rest now? xx

Suzie...cant wait to hear how you get on with the detox kit. I'm intrigued?!?! xx

Vicky....I'm so glad work hasn't been as bad as it seemed before taking the plunge. It certainly keeps me a bit more level headed as well as money coming in to keep the next cycle of treatment less of a strain xx

Purple star...glad you have found a nice new clinic, it helps to refocus before moving on xx

Tommi...how are you doing my lovely? xx

Wow, its amazing how we have all stuck together...I know I have missed some names out but its hard to keep track.

I have had such a tough time making a decision today not to start taking the pill for a new DE cycle next month or even to begin oestrogen for a mock cycle. My head is telling me to get back in there but my body is in a mess. I'm going to take a month out and then get back on. I said that last month but got pregnant...here's hoping...now that really would be a miracle again! If I get to midnight without taking either the oestrogen or contraceptive pill then I'm on a break....why do I find it so hard to do what I know is best for me? Stubborn is my middle name. My counsellor is so sweet she likes to call it courage. She has had me in tears when she has said that. 


On a slightly different note I'm not looking forward to Mothers Day one little bit   , another year without a baby and those same old feelings of why me? why not me? anger, jealousy, you name it. They are all starting to raise their ugly head. DH and myself will be away in a cottage for the weekend which I'm so grateful for. He wont have his son for the weekend and I can hopefully not have to see much of the fuss that is always around mums. I do of course miss my own mum like mad...its a real double whammy on that day.

Well, enough of me rabbiting on... the weekend starts tomorrow. HORRAY!!!
AJ xxx


----------



## (hugs)

congratulations jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Jillyhen that is great news!      How wonderful!

Katie Kate big congratulations for you too! Everything crossed for your embies    

Suzi my monk friend is still on the case!        I'm really intrigued by this diet. What's the site? Did you see One Born Every Minute? There was a couple on it last night who only got pregnant when she did a fast. I'd try it if it worked!

Hugs I'm glad you're home and on the mend. Take it easy  

PP   How are you? It's so hard.   

AJ   what a rollercoaster.  

Purple Star that sounds great about your appointment. Lots of   and   for you.

Vickytick I hope work has been ok so far.  

Big hugs to anyone I've missed. I had a lot to catch up with! Been very up and down since the weekend. I've seen the consultant and counsellor at my clinic this week. The consultant is great - he's so sympathetic and understanding. But was also very realistic about my chances at 42. Although he does seem pleased with my AMH (19) and I respond well to the drugs so he thinks I should produce some eggs if I have IVF.  The counsellor was excellent and helped me work out a plan. So, I'm going for IVF at the end of April. I've got 7 weeks now to get myself ready. What do you ladies recommend? I'm on a load of supplements and don't drink alcohol at all or caffeine. High protein, low carb diet. What else should I be doing? I've got the Zita meditation CD. 

I'm hoping mothers day will be OK - my brother and I are taking our parents out for lunch on the Isle of Wight so it'll be a lovely day out. Although I was in M and S choosing a card for mum and just burst into tears    I had to stare at all the cards for ages before I got myself together. Surprises me how it hits me sometimes. 

Nearly the weekend. Have good Fridays everyone.  

Txx 

AJ you posted while I was typing... my counsellor says the same. She had me in tears today when she said "I don't think you realise how well you're coping with this" - but I cry all the time!    The courage word always gets me because I feel so uncourageous. I'd like to say whatever will be will be, but that's not how I feel. I want it to work too much.

So sorry to hear about your Mum. It must be so hard and I hope the weekend away will be the perfect way of avoiding the madness.


----------



## Purple Star

Congratulations Jillyhen!!!! Fantastic news!! 

xxxx


----------



## A J

Tommi...thank you so much for those words xxx   xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Quick one to say congrats jillyhen and Katiekate I'll be back tomorrow for better updates. Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls
To be honest we are still in shock i cant believe it..
Pp when do you test hun? I thot it was today
Vicky how was your 1st day back at work?
Aj,Tommi how are you ladies..
Katie will you get another cal tomorrow??
Hugs how are you feeling after you op?

Jillyhen


----------



## MrsPootle

Quick hello from me!  Not been on much, got lots going on...not least that I am in the last few days of a period in which I actually ovulated!!!  Head is a right mess and I've got lots of conflicting symptoms...

Congrats Jillyhen - over the moon for you  

Love to everyone else too - you are a strong courageous bunch - more personals another time xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Morning ladies,

JillyHen -  woo hoo!!     

Katie Kate - 12 fertilised is brilliant! Hope they've continued to get jiggy since  

Penelope - any more news? Hope you're ok 

AJ - what happened at midnight? Rest month or cycle month? I'm sure you've made the right call whatever 

Tommi - ill add more info on the diet and detox further down - so far it's going fine, although I feel really bloated (which I don't usually get) which I guess is to be expected if its getting all the toxins out of my liver. Holefully ill start to feel amazing in a few days 

Mrs P... We're on tenterhooks - I hope the symptoms are a sign of something good  

Hi to Vicky, purple, hugs and anyone I've missed 

For those of you asking about this detox/diet, this is the site I got both from: http://natural-fertility-info.com/prepare-for-conception (cue link warning message from the moderators!)

There's info on the diet on the site, but when I signed up they sent me a PDF which is more comprehensive: if any of you want me to sent it on, pm me your email address and I'll wing it over. The crux of it is the following checklist:

Every day:
1 serving dark leafy veg
1 serving fresh veg juice or 2 portions do colourful veg (raw or lightly cooked)
1 serving essential fatty acid rich food
1-2 eggs
1 serving nuts
1-3 servings of fruit
1 serving butter/coconut oil/other fertility superfood
Whole grains
Water

Weekly:
2 x lentils or beans
3 x grass fed red meat
1 x liver (think pâté) or caviar (ha!)
2-3 x wild caught high omega 3 fish

Avoid:
Processed sugar, sweetener and pasteurised fruit juices
Caffeine
Soy foods
GMO foods
Fat free/low fat foods

Hope that helps!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning All,

Jilly, my test date is tomorrow hun and clinic have advised not to test before that!

There's been quite a few posts and Im tryin to catch up with them all but my computer is playing up so forgive me if I miss anyone out. 

AJ, I have exactly the same feelings arising again with mothers day looming and another failed cyce under our belts, resentment, anger, sheer frustration and despair. This is getting worse as my s.i.l las now decided that she's jealous of us ttc (why I dont know as we havent had the easiest of journeys so far) so she is going for donor sperm this month. I know this makes me sound like a  horrible person but Im petrified that she will get pregnant and I wont be able to be around her.  Have you decided to give things a break for a month or are you going to crack on straight away? 

Suzie thanks for the diet info. Hope you start to feel better soon, Im sure its just your body getting used to the change in your diet.  

Tommi, great news on your start date for IVF. Sounds like you are doing everything to ensure you are ready. Bless you for gettin upset in M and S, this is a hard time for us ladies isnt it. 

Katie, good luck for your call tomorrow. 

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Pp - best of luck for official test date  

Aj - how are you hun . Change your mind at the last minute.

Jillyhen - still getting used to it?

Suziew - very dedicated diet you've got there. I'm not sure I have the willpower. Alcohol and caffiene are easy to give up to sure about the rest of it..

Purplestar,hugs, Tommi - huge hello

Katiekate - are you having et tomorrow? If so best of luck. 

Mrspootle - lovely to hear from you again. Congrats on ovulating..  

Afm - work was okay in the end. Got a bit of a dilemma at mo still waiting for af which is now 7 days late. I've never been this late. Keep thinking it'll turn up tomorrow. Done 3 hpt last one tues all neg. it's he second month of taking my prolactin drugs which should make me ovulate. Decided if af still not here on Monday going to gp. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Vickytick and SuzieW - no excited squeals from me yet - did test today and was negative but no real AF starting either?  But you can bet the witch will be here over the weekend.  But I'm quite chipper about it!  Liking the diet & hope you are okay Vicky - sounds like you are stuck in a similar state to me.  

AJ - hope you are ok - you'll make the right decision for you I'm sure, that is what is important.    Thinking of you x

PP - Sorry that the cycle doesn't seem to have worked.  Take some time out & be kind to yourselves xx

Tommi - nice you have a plan!  The only thing I'd try if you feel it would help is acupuncture.  I found it quite relaxing and it's beneficial to start before treatment as it's meant to clear things ready for IVF.  But then I'm a stressbag personified!   I'd just eat healthy, avoid alcohol and caffeine (although the odd treat won't be the end of the world) and get some gentle exercise (good for the head)!

xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Morning ladies 
This is a v selfish post but just have to tell you!
Got a call this morning- 10 of my embryos are top grade 8 cell and being taken to blast for Monday! So pleased! The clinic said the are excellent, above average and I should be very happy! I am! 
X


----------



## Vickytick

Hey its not selfish at all its lovely to share such good news with the rest of us. So pleased for you. Try to relax over the weekend. Are you having two back or one? Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Morning ladies
PP how are you hun   
Katie, great news on your embies.. 
Vickytick, how was your 1st day back??  Im still getting round to the idea i dont think it will hit me till my scan..
Aj,Tommi,Purple,MrsPootle hope you are all well
Jillyhen x


----------



## Katie Kate

Ah thanks  I would like 2 back but the clinic have lectured me about just having 1 and want me to just have 1. It's a hard decision as I want this so badly (as do we all!) but do understand the risks with twins. What is everyone else doing? 1 or 2 blasts? Jillyhen did you have 2 blasts put back? X


----------



## Purple Star

Katie Kate, brilliant news!! Hope they continue to do well   If we get to blast on our next cycle I will have two put back (as long as there are 2 to put back of course).

PP, how are you doing?

Love to all xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Katie Kate - just quick logon to say EXCELLENT news - woohoo!    xx


----------



## (hugs)

Katiekate just wanted to say thats brilliant news Hun   hope they continue to grow, grow grow!!  

PP hows you doing Hun?  

Big hello to all the other ladies hope you are all well and enjoying your weekend lovely weather here


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

Just  quick log on to see how everyone is..

pp how did you get on yesterday   

Aj,Tommi, purple,hugs,mrsP hope you are all good.

Katie i had 2 embryos put back, surely is it not up to you how many you want to put back in??

I have had a bit of a traumatic morning, bleeding started earlier and i was convinced it was all over    clinic advised me to wait as there was nothing could be done at this early stage.. 
Have bought another pregnancy test and its still positive...

Jillyhen x


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Jillyhen - sorry to hear that, keep positive, I'm told bleeding is quite a common thing with us IVF'ers.  Hang in there honey lots of sticky vibes heading your way     Lots of love Mrs P xx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen, sorry to hear about the bleeding, hope all is ok   Like MrsP said, bleeding in the early stages is quite common but I can imagine how worrying it must be. Take care.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend, it's been beautiful sunshine here - so nice to get a bit of sun!

xxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Quick one for jillyhen - hang in there hun   x


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls
My Dr wants me to go to the early pregnancy clinic @ 11.30 im a nervous wreck!!
Still bleedin & pains so hopefuly they can tell me what is goin on.
Sorry no personals
Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

Quick one for Jillyhen...     Thinking of you! xx


----------



## Katie Kate

Jillyhen hope all is ok xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls
Just back in from clinic..
Nothing can be seen on ultrasound, just the womb and nothing in it!!   
The nurse said it cold be a chemical pregnancy   
Hcg bloods done so fingers crossed it still says im pregnant!!
Did a hpt this am and it was positive 
Fingers crossed.
Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Jillyhen, thinking of you    
All the positive thoughts in the world    
Txx


----------



## Katie Kate

Fingers crossed for you Jillyhen. I would have thought it would be too early to see anything anyway?
I had my ET today- after agonising over 1 or 2 we went for 1. I probably would have gone with 2 bur DH and the ebryologist both thought 1 would be better. I was a double aa top grade hatching blast which apparently is good though. At the moment only 2 for the freezer but hoping the others will catch up tomorrow.
Have got 4 films out so will keep me occupied till back to work in weds. 
For some reason I'm not feeling very positive. I think it was all done so quickly & it hurt quite a bit that I just don't feel great. Must put my positive cap on! 

Take care all x


----------



## Tommi

Fingers crossed for you too Katie Kate! Sounds like you have the perfect embie on board.    
Enjoy the films.

Still sending out the vibes Jillyhen     

Sorry I have got quite behind. Had a rotten week last week with various appointments but have managed to pull myself together after a great weekend in London. Onwards to IVF!

Big hugs to you all  

Txx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen, thinking of you and got eveything crossed  

Katie Kate, lots of luck     Enjoy the films.

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey ladies
Have just had blood results they are sitting at 94 which is on the low side.. But at least im still pregnant at the min..
Can anyone shed a light on what levels they should be and what they mean..
Jillyhen


----------



## MrsPootle

Jillyhen - I'm not sure what the levels are meant to be, other than they double at a quick rate early on.  Like Katie Kate, I didn't think they would be able to see anything this early on.  The fetal pole/sac I think can be visible from 6 weeks onwards but more typically 7 weeks.  Got arms, fingers, toes and legs crossed for you     xxx

Katie Kate  - you are PUPO - so congrats!  I think it's fairly common to feel a bit, so that's it(!?!) after transfer.  I'm sure you made the right decision re: number, and it's a top class embie in there - I hope it snuggles in tight xxx

Hi Purple star - how are you? xxx

Tommi - glad you had a nice weekend - I travelled thru London, weather was lovely!

AFM - the witch is here (boo, hiss!).  The upside being I'm no longer plagued with PMT?   It's been horrendous hormones month for me - if this is what ovulating does to me you can stick it!!!     Not really... anther month, another chance.  Looks like I'm finishing work up at the end of March, so it will be sorting out a London clinic, decorating to sell up and hopefully a spring/summer cycle #4 - onward and upward xxxx


----------



## Purple Star

Jillyhen, I'm not sure about levels either, but really hope everything continues to develop as it should   

MrsP, I'm good thanks. Have you got any thoughts on which London clinic you will go to?

xxxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Jillyhen thinking of you Hun everything crossed for you and those numbers keeping rising takecare and take things easy   

Katiekate   on being PUPO enjoy your films Hun  

Hi to everyone else hope you all are well and everyone had a lovely weekend


----------



## Jillyhen

Katie katie congrats on being pupo .. Snuggle in tight wee one 
Thanks girls, fingers crossed things are on the up, feeling very cramps & sore today i just hope my wee bub is snuggling in    
PP how are you hun?
Jillyhen


----------



## Katie Kate

Thanks girls. Been pretty crampy today- but I guess that is normal? 
Jillyhen- everything crossed for good news xx


----------



## Vickytick

Just a quick one as I've just come home from work, need to eat before I go out to my Stress and Mood counselling thing. Tonight subject is anxiety something we can all relate to there I think...

*Jillyhen* as the others have said I'm not sure what they should be only that they double every day or so during the first few weeks and then level out at 12 weeks. Don't worry if they are on the low side mine were really high during my last pg and I m/c so there is no exact figure or science to this hun. I know its very hard but try to stay positive its not over yet.  

*KatieKate* - congrats on being PUPO everything crossed for you and the little bean. At least by not having two put back you've technically got another go at least.

*Mrs Pootle* with you there. I have periods but don't ovulate naturally hence the high prolactin and the drugs I've been given. Last two months I have ovulated and the pms has been worse than usual - not sure DH thought it could get any worse - lol. All be worth it

*Tommi *you sound more determined its amazing what a bit of time out and a nice break can do for us all isn't it.

*Hello to everyone else *

*AFM *- job is a nightmare the team clearly don't want me there and are expecting me to clear all the problems. I was only there for 8 months and left 8 months ago so hang on its going to take me a bit of time to remember everything and even then I needed help sometimes. Getting so annoyed by DH says take it all with a pinch of salt and remember its only 3 days a week - easier said than done when I take things to heart. Need to concentrate on TTC methinks...Sorry rant over.

xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
Thanks again for all your well wishes.. My   has taken another skydive  
I dont know what to expect tomorrow, i suppose if we arent meant to be parents this time my wee bub will stick.  
Tommi are you hoping to start soon again??
Aw Vicky sorry to hear work is a drag..
hugs,katie,mrsp,pp,aj and everyone else hope you are all well
Jillyhen


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## Purple Star

Jillyhen, sending you all the luck in the world   Thinking of you  

Vickytick, sorry work is a nightmare, it's so hard if you aren't happy at work. Hope it improves.  If I'm having a tough time at work I try and remind myself that our dream of having a baby is the most important thing in my life and work needs to be kept in perspective. Having said that I need the job to fund the tx! 

KatieKate, I had cramps for a few days after ET. After all that poking around up there I think it's to be expected   

Hi to everyone else xxxxxx


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## Tommi

Hi Jillyhen

 What a difficult time you're going through. I have everything crossed for you. We can only deal with the facts as we know them... and the fact is, you're pregnant. It's just so tough that you're going through this. Here's a load of positive vibes from me! 

                                                                         

I'm hoping to do IVF in April. I've got an appointment with the consultant on 26th March so will find out more then. Need to get myself psyched up between now and then!

Vickytick sorry to hear about work. Life's tough enough sometimes without that isn't it?!  

Katie Kate    

Mrs P hope you're feeling OK now! I was the same when I took progesterone. I thought if that's what having progesterone in your system is like I'm glad I'm deficient!  

Big hugs to everyone else. I hope you're all having a good week.

Txx


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## MrsPootle

Jillyhen - wishing you lots of luck and sticky vibes for tomorrow      xx
Vickytick - work can be such a horrid affair - I'm going to be glad to see the back of it for a while!  I do know how you feel - today was a nightmare for me - everyone wanting something or blaming someone - you think, guys, just chill out!!! xx
Hugs - hope you are ok hun xx
Katie Kate - hope all is good with you - the 2ww is a real bind, but keep strong, wishing you lots of   xx
Tommi - know what you mean re: progestrone - this was well worse!!  Feeling better than ever today!! Which clinic are you off to? xx
PurpleStar - thinking about CRGH probably.  Was thinking ARGC but worried I might be advised treatment I can't afford.  If I'm honest I think intralipids are about as far as I can go, IVIg or whatever - I just don't think I can cope with that!!  But first, there are all the tests.. but hey, you kinda get used to that!

AFM - goodish day.  Feeling pretty much like emotionally I'm ready to leave work (to fill in those who didn't know I got voluntary redundancy on 1st), which is better than feeling hormonal and mad!  Got a ring from the old clinic (Liverpool) and they have my notes ready to collect - except I need to get DH signature on a form (he's in Essex right now) and I need to pay a fee of.... 40 QUID!!! Even the CRGH only charge £20 so I expect the notes have been copied onto gold leaf for that price!!  
Missing hubby   but we have discovered Skype this week so much happier - it makes a difference when you can see one another.  I miss him so much - much more than I thought I would (given I've got the easier option of not having to live out of a suitcase).  Ah well, 3 days and he's back oop here - yippee!

Hi to everyone else too xx


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## (hugs)

Hey everyone,

Jillyhen wishing you lots an lots of luck and sending lots of positive vibes your way for tomorrow Hun     
Vickytrick and MrsPootle sorry to hear work has been such a pain in the **** for you both   hope it improves for you both!!   glad to hear you have discovered skype he he what would we do now if we didn't have the internet  
Tommi glad to hear you'll soon be starting ivf how exciting!!
Katiekate hope your coping in your 2ww i think a few cramps are to be expected as what your body has been through!  
purplestar hows you Hun when are you starting treatment again Hun  
AJ hows you Hun hope everything is good  
PP Hey Hun hows everything with you good i hope  

Well not alot to up date really boring weekend even though it was beautiful weather made an effort to get dressed today and walked all the way to tesco for some shopping and think i over did it my side was hurting a little but Ive rested and i am fine I'm popping to see my friends tomorrow so looking forward to that but i shall be getting the bus..lol


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## A J

Hi all,

Just popping on really quickly. Im trying to write an assignment for my Grad Diploma and have had enough!!!
Jillyhen     I hope everything is ok sweetie. Its the worst time isn't it waiting for test results.   everything puts your mind at ease tomorrow. xx

I will catch up with everyone hopefully tomorrow before I escape for a long weekend away with DH.
Oh yeah and some sort of af seems to have arrived today, a week and a half after the last m/c...my body is truly a mystery  

Love and hugs to you all xxx


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## Tommi

Morning ladies, how are you all? 
Jillyhen how are you?  

I've had a tricky few days... made a dental appointment on Tuesday to get a nervy tooth looked at. Then during Tuesday night that side of my face swelled up massively and was complete agony. Turns out I have an abscess and infected nerve and am booked for an emergency root canal today.  

I'm on a double dose of antibiotics and as many painkillers as I can get down me. Funny how life turns out but all I can think of is how worried I would have been about how a little dot would have coped with the infection and drugs if I'd had a BFP and not a BFN a few weeks ago.

Need to be brave later!  

Hope you're all doing OK.

Txx


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## Purple Star

Tommi, that sounds very painful! Hope the root canal sorts it out.

Hugs, I'm good thanks. I'm starting my monitoring cycle with next AF (have no idea when that will turn up as it tends to go AWOL after a bfn). I will also have my immunes tested when I go for my mid-cycle scan. Based on all the results of the monitoring they will decide on my protocol and then fingers crossed I will be off. I cannot wait.

AJ, hope you got your assignment done!

Jillyhen, thinking of you and hope everything is ok   

xxxxx


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## CKay

Sorry girls I posted ages ago and have been reading on and off.  Just wanted to say   to Jillyhen - hope test results come through for you soon.

Tommi - I had second half of route canal today snap!  Found the first half really painful then whole side of face swelled up.  Keep up taking the painkillers because when mine wore off ouch!!!  Todays one is so far so good he's finished it off and now all complete no pain like last time.  So a big   hope all OK.

 all CKay


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## (hugs)

Hey purple star nice to hear you'll be starting monitoring cycle soon when your AF shows up ha ha very well said they do tend to go AWOL when you've had a bfn hope it does turn up for you soon Hun so you can start allover again, I'm really looking forward to staring again cant wait now Ive had my opp I'm thinking more positive just hope may will hurry up! he he I'm healing quick just the one which is taking its time but I'm using April as a month to cut back on all the bad things and exercise some at least..lol ready for may   
hope you have a nice weekend!

Jillyhen hows you Hun hope things are alright? big   

Hi to everyone hope you are all well nearly weekend again   if i don't speak to you all soon then have a good weekend


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## Tommi

CKay - big hugs to you   How long did the swelling take to go down? My flared up on Tuesday night and is still so bad that the dentist couldn't get the instruments into my mouth yesterday. All she could so was open the tooth and put some antibiotic into it and cover it up again. I'm starting to fear I'll be stuck like this forever!  

Hi to everyone else  

Jillyhen  

Txx


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## (hugs)

Tommi that sounds really painful hun hope you get it sorted soon, i do feel for you big


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## CKay

Tommi   oh no!  I had the beginnings of two abscesses but he could get in with the instruments.  The swelling only lasted two days on the face  a bit longer in the gum.  The second half I had yesterday has left me with no pain so the first part is the worst and once that's over it's all down hill from there.  My advice is take some painkillers before the anaesthetic wears off - I did not and the pain was quite a lot   .  I think I would have been alright if I'd taken painkillers early.  I feel much better now it's all sorted I didn't realise how much pain I was putting up with (went up the cheek and down the neck).  I promise you you will feel better.  I hope the infection clears up for you soon and I do feel your pain   

purplestar - all sounds exciting re cycle I had a few things thrown up by immune testing very glad I did it.

hugs - hope cut backs and healthy options aren't too bad.

AFM - After root canal yesterday am feeling much better.  I can finally sleep soundly with no neck ache.  Having a little vino tonight   nice.

Have a good weekend all   CK


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## Vickytick

Tommi and CKay sorry to hear about your teeth problems sounds very painful - OUCH  

AJ hope you have a fab w/e and got your work done.


Jillyhen how are you coping and feeling.

Katiekate hope the dreaded 2ww is being gentle on you hun

Mrs pootle hope you are enjoying dh being back. I agree the cost of getting info is stupid. They only photocopy the bl&&&y things.

Purplestar hope your af turns up soon so you can get on the rollercoaster again

Hugs hope you're recovering from your op now and are getting yourself raring to go again.

AFM had a counselling session today and it went well. We discussed the work issue which helped get it into perspective. 

Have a good w/e all.

By Monday we'd have survived another dreaded mothers day.

Xx


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## Katie Kate

Hi ladies

Sorry on my phone so can't do personals but hope u are all ok x
Your teeth problems sound awful! I've never even had a filling! (but have had my wisdom teeth out and that wad ouchy!)
The 2ww is driving me CRAZY!!! I've had so many aches and pains and am now convinced AF is just around the corner. I'm so scared about what I will do next. I know it's not over till it's over but its very hard to be positive. 
Vickytick I see u had immune tests done- how did u go about this? If this cycle fails I really don't want to waste my only other nhs chance without maybe doing some more tests?

Another thing on my mind at the moment, if I hadn't off miscarried in September I would be going on maternity leave right about now. I've been crying ALOT- feeding what I'll be like on the due date! 

Take care all
Xxxx


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## MrsPootle

Hello everyone!!

Youch to all the teeth posts - Tommi and CKay hope you both feel better soon x

Vickytick - glad your counselling went well - hope you are having a good weekend x

Jillyhen - hope you are ok x

KatieKate - hope the 2ww isn't driving you too crackers - I have my fingers crossed for a good outcome for you x

Hugs - I'm using April to get fitter again (see below) and hoping to knock another half stone into orbit  hope you are taking it easy after the op x

AFM - Well, had 121 with HR yesterday and I finish work THIS FRIDAY!!! I'm both overjoyed (as had little work left) and terrified (as keeps crossing my mind - what have I done??) and it's brutally quick.  13.5 years of my career finished just like that!   This week is going to be rollercoaster to rival the 2ww I think!  
Small issue of a leaving do to organise, then I need to get head straight.  DH thinks it's all working out great as I can take a complete break from work, but it's weird as I still feel hugely stressed at the moment about all the "what ifs" - what if it works and I can't find a job, what if DH doesn't find a job, what if we can't sell up as quickly as we need to, what if I can't ignore various offers from ex-work colleagues about offers of helping me look for work (most don't know my real plan).. but then other times I feel GREAT!  Had to resort to some herbal anxiety tabs today as have had pounding head since it all the final detail became confirmed.  I know I'm worrying over nothing but it doesn't stop you doing it does it? 
Main plan is to get my list of questions out to my top 3 clinics (ARGC, CRGH and Fertility Academy) this week.  Should anyone have any opinions on these ones I'd love to know!  I'm going for immune treatment I suspect - as I've had 3 failed IVF and 1 miscarriage.
April will be a mix of visits to friends, getting the initial consultation at preferred clinic and, er, DIY in order to sell the house!  I think I'll be busy enough then...

Hope everyone is having a good weekend,
Love
MrsP
xx


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies hope mother day is not too bad.

Katiekate one of my friends from my local support group was recommended the m/c in harley st a mr *******. He wasn't too expensive and was recommended by our ivf clinic H&E. X


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## A J

Just stopping by to say hi...I have just read everyones post and not got time to post properly so just sending you all a big   for now xxx


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## Katie Kate

Hi all
Just thought I'd pop in and say hi, and let you all know I got a BFP today 
Obviously I know it's very early days and I will take it a day at a time, but right now I feel very lucky x
Thinking of u all, and hope u are all ok 
Christmas is a distant memory now isn't it!
Xxxx


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## Purple Star

Katie Kate, fantastic news, congratulations!!!

xxxx


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## Tommi

Katie Kate that's fantastic news! Congratulations! Time to release the dancing bananas!

            

Txx


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## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
Hope everyone is well..
Sorry i havent posted over the past few days have been over with my sister & nieces and taking time out..
When i went for bloods last wed the levels had dropped till 24 so basically we knew then that it was all over.. Have to go for bloods tomorrow to make sure that everything is away   
On the plus side at least now i know i can get pregnant, so we are having our review on the 17th April and hopefully get a rough idea on the cost.. Will definitely be our last go..
Katie congrats hun absolutely deligted for you..
Jillyhen


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## Tommi

Jillyhen, just wanted to give you a big hug. Glad you have a plan   
Txx


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## Purple Star

Jillyhen, so sorry to hear that, you have been in my thoughts lots recently. Sending lots of     Like you say you now know you can get pregnant which is positive. 

xxxxx


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## MrsPootle

Dancing bananas then pompoms!

         

Great news KatieKate - so happy for you!! Christmas is well overrated compared to this   

Mrs P
xx


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## MrsPootle

Hi Jillyhen,

Oh my goodness sweetie - big hugs     I didn't see your post immediately as I was on the previous page when the browser refreshed.  Make sure you line up some really nice treats for yourselves and take the time out you need.  I needed a few months to get over my 3rd failure and it was worth the wait as I feel tip-top now.  Really feel for you xxxx


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## A J

Jillyhen....   Im so, so sorry to hear your news. Its the most awful time. Im so glad you are going for a follow up consultation straight away. It always helps me to have something to refocus on. Treat yourself to something nice...you deserve it!! xx

katiekate....CONGRATULATIONS      thats fantastic news. Have lots of rest and let nature work its wonders. xx

Oh yes and Mothers Day is over too. it wasnt too painful for me. DH and myself were away for the weekend. I said a little prayer for my own mum who I miss every day, not only on Mothers Day and for all those babies that were not strong enough to make it...there is one coming along for all of us Im sure. 

Im shattered atm. I started in a new class  3 weeks ago, it was supposed to be until Easter but looks like it will be until the summer which is great but Im already worried about having to take time off for fertility treatment. When I was on general supply I could take a day off whenever, things will be different now though. Oh well its all part of the plan Im sure. 

Sending you all lots of love, I cant believe its almost Easter, we only just had Xmas   xxx


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## Katie Kate

Jillyhen I'm so sorry xxxx


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## CKay

Jillyhen - I'm sorry to read your news - I hope making a plan makes things a bit easier for you    it certainly helped with me.  I had fluictuating HCG levels so know the uncertainty it all causes for you.  Like you say  - it did work which can give hope.    again.


KatieKate -          YAY for you so pleased for you.


Tommi - how's the dreaded tooth!?

AJ - I know about diary porblems and fertility tx it is a worry I have it with my job too.  In the end I have to think well my tx is most important which helps me to feel better.

Mrs P  - how does it feel are you now a lady of leisure?  I've been to the Fertility Academy with Dr G I can tell you more if you'd like to know.  The thing that really helped me was having the tests (which I know ARGC do too).  It finally gave me answers and showed me that my issues were no longer unexplained.  

AFM - trying to do some work and failing must get on!  Writing an assignment for my study course and I am making very slow progress!    all CKay xx


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## Tommi

Thanks CKay, the swelling is much better than it was. I'm only a bit lopsided now and only people who know me very well laugh at me as opposed to everyone who saw me when I had a really fat cheek!     Root canal this afternoon. I will be brave!

Big hello to everyone  

Txx


----------



## (hugs)

Hello ladies wow so much to catch up on cant do all personals now but will pop on sometime soon! 

Jillyhen I'm sorry to hear your news Hun massive hugs to you Hun    

KatieKate BFP congrats you must be over the moon fab news   take it easy Hun  

Tommi I'm glad to hear the swelling has gone down to what it was Hun big hugs for your root canal this afternoon   

Hi to everyone else hope you all are well  

ATM I'm falling back on my uni work coz of my opp i had two weeks off, so really need to crack on with these essays but just don't know where to start got the easter break to tackle them both!!   apart from that i cant believe its Friday tomorrow   and its so good to be back on my feet i have healed now and am back to my normal self just need to start some healthy eatting and fitness for my TX


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## Vickytick

Just a quick one whilst I'm in the car driving to my appt with the m/c clinic.

Jillyhen - so sorry to hear your news. Hugs your way hun

Katie - congrats on the news getting this far is a huge achievement

Hello to everyone else ill be back for more personals I promise. 

Hugs and fairy dust ladies.

Xx


----------



## CKay

Tommi 'ouch,' keep up the painkillers hope it went OK today - it's all better from here on in!


----------



## Tommi

Thanks CKay  
Dentist said she can't finish it off until there's no swelling and no infection so she packed the tooth with antibiotic again and covered it up. Back again next week!
Txx


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## CKay

Oh jeepers Tommi it goes on - Guess what I cracked the same ruddy tooth today!  Back to the dentist for.  Lord only knows what happens now.  I knew I shouldn't have eaten the damn corn nuts!  Don't know whether they'll just say have it out now I'll ring tom.  Hope swelling has gone down for you.    CK


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## Tommi

Oh CKay that's awful!   What did the dentist say? I really hope they can save the tooth. The tooth I've got all the problems with I originally broke on some nutshell at a restaurant in London. The dentist managed to repair it and has now done the drilling for the root canal. There can't be much left of it but she is determined to save it (as am I!). You never know it might be possible for your tooth! I hope so. 

Hi to everyone else. I hope you're all doing OK!

Txx


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies how is everyone doing?

Tommi and ckay sorry to hear about your teeth trouble. I don't min the dentist but I'd rather not go if I had the choice.

Aj how are you and how is the study going. Two weeks off for you soon..

Hugs glad you are feeling alot better. Any idea when you are starting tx again?

Katiekate hope everything is still going okay with you and bean. Do you gave an early scan booked with th link yet?

Mrspootle how does it feel to be a lady of leisure? Working on the three clinics you listed. Ive only heard of Argc so can't comment on them. The ladies I know rave about Argc but their success rates are high cos they're picky on who they accept apparently.

Purplestar how are you doing?

Jillyhen I hope things are okay with you. Not too long to wait until your follow up on the 17th.

Hello to everyone who've I forgotten 

Enjoy the sunshine and light evenings. This time of year always makes me feel more positive. New starts and all that.

Xx


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## CKay

Vickytick - the long evenings are great aren't they so much more uplifting.

Tommi - tooth saved, but missing some of it now feels very odd.  A quarter had broken so another injection and he broke it away then filed it down.  He said next stop is a crown, but the NHS only do metal ones for the further back teeth   .  Ho hum no more corn nuts for me   .  Hope your drilling wasn't too painful.

Hope everyone doing OK xxxx


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## A J

just a quickie to say Hi...Im getting really pants with my posting recently!!
Im trying to get an assignment (boring as anything) finished as well as planning for my new temp class-kids are fab but roll on Easter hols!!

We tried out the campervan last weekend- lots of fun, very cramped but me, DH and the dog all came back still speaking. My poor little furry baby has to go into the kennels (sob,sob     ) next week while we go to Spain. Another appt with the clinic to see what they come up with. Im hating this between cycle business...roll on pills and injections...

Sorry I havent done any personals but sending you all     -loving this weather


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies
Just a quick log on, ive been lurking & reading..
ckay & tommi you have been thru the mills with your teeth.. You cant do with them and you cant do without them!!  
Hope you are well.
Jillyhen


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## Vickytick

Sorry ladies but this is going to be a bit of a me post. After taking the bromocriptine for two months I got a natural bfp. Having had 2 m/c before I was very nervous but we saw the hb last week so were relatively positive. Found out yesterday the embryo died so today I'm having an op to remove it so Harley st can send the foetus off for testing. To say I'm devastated is an understatement but also v angry and starting to doubt all this immunes stuff. Ive been taking all the drugs aspirin,vit d, frolic acid, pregnacare, omega 3 etc for months and took the steroids and cyclogest at positive bfp YET still I m/c at exactly the same point (once again this is a missed m/c). The baby dies about week 7/8 but I don't m/c straight away in fact the sac is still growing hence I've got a slight bump.

Everyone says but at least you got pg which is totally trivialising the physical and emotional pain a m/c causes. It's horrific and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. How we carry on I don't know because with dh having a son each loss is just pushing us further apart.. We really thought that wed have a good Christmas this year.

Hope everyone else is well an sorry to bring the thread down. X


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## Stubborn

Vickytick, I am so sorry to read about this.  
I agree, 'at least you can get pregnant' is a far from helpful comment when you have lost a baby, at whatever stage of pregnancy.

Very best wishes


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## Tommi

Vickytick - so sorry to read your news   Take good care of yourself   It's just so hard. I'm thinking of you  

CKay - so glad they saved the tooth! My appointment yesterday was cancelled... because the computers were down! So I'm still half way through a root canal.  

There seems to be a shortage of Pregnacare Conception. I've tried all the usual local shops and they have all sold out and not had any deliveries. I haven't taken it for a week now. Does anyone know why? Should I just go for the one you take when you're actually pregnant?

Thanks ladies  

Txx


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## CKay

Oh no Tommi - hope they come up with new appointment soon!  What about the normal pregnacare or I've opted for the Zita West pregnancy plan ones (one tablet a day) got through nutrisun as discounted - maybe worth a look for you?

Vickytick -    not helpful at all - I had the same with ectopic and last micarriage.  It is no consolation.  One test they should do for you now is the thrombophillia panel.  It tests a variety of things and causes miscarriages.  I had to pay for mine but glad I did as found to have an aspect of this. The outcome if you do have something is Clexane daily for IVF and once you have a BFP - it's a blood thinner.  It stops your blood from clotting and baby miscarrying.  They usually will carry this out for free on the NHS if you have had 3 miscarriages.  I hope that helps a bit - it's explained more in the book:  Is my body baby friendly - very technical but good. 

  all CKay xxx


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## Tommi

CKay - I found the last two boxes in Superdrug so snapped them up! If it happens again I'll go for the Zita ones, although hopefully I won't have to keep on buying the "conception" ones and can graduate to the "actually pregnant after all this time" ones after these two boxes are finished!  
Txx


----------



## A J

Vicky...I am so, so sorry. I know that there are just no words that are going to help you today. But, yes, some people's comments need stuffing right where the sun doesn't shine!! I'm sick of being told the same...the prognosis is good, at least you can get pregnant etc, etc. These people have NO idea...and some of them as you know actually work in the fertility field. Sickening      

I am with you on so many levels, when DH already had a child it does keep pushing that wedge deeper. My last 3 m/c bleeds all started on the day DH had his son and I have built up so much resentment around their relationship. You are not bringing this thread down, you are using it for the way it should be for support and to get things off your chest    . 

I know what you mean about immunes stuff, I too took steroids and cyclogest on my suprise bfp and it did no good for me either another wk 6 m/c. Hopefully, as awful as the process is, the lab can give you some answers. I hope you are OK tonight and are being easy on yourself...

I am just waffling now but just wanted to tell you that I understand.

Lots of love to you all xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Thanks aj you've said how I feel. To top it all yesterday morning dh ex got his son to call dh with no warning at all. How to remind me what I can't do on the day my baby is removed from me...I said she should've texted to say he wants to speak to you is it okay? Not just call. Luckily after I got vvvv upset dh called her to say it was insensitive to me.

Hope everyone is doing okay

We wil get there ladies we have to believe that....

Xxx


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## Tommi

Vickytick   Just what you don't need. Women can be amazingly wonderful and they can also be a little less than wonderful sometimes   
Txx


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## A J

Vicky... I love your last sentence...keep the faith sweetie. It will happen for us all. I do believe that.
I hope you are ok today after yesterdays events   , easier said than done I know. Sorry I havent pm'd you for ages but you are in my thoughts lots xxx

Hope everyone is doing ok? Bit cold here today, hope Spain is a bit better. Going tomorrow, appt at clinic on Wed. Really not sure what to do next af arrived today so no chance of starting a new DE cycle yet and not sure anymore if that clinic at the moment is the best route?? Oh fiddlesticks!!

Hugs to you all xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Vickytick,

So, so sorry to hear your news.  Being a fellow miscarrier at roughly the same point too, I can really relate to what you are saying.  Life is so bloody unfair at times isn't it?  As I'm sure you know, these things take time to process, so go easy on yourselves until you feel a bit stronger.  Like A J I also believe that we will all have a family one day - we are just having the toughest of journeys to get it!

Hope everyone else is ok & well - I've had my first week of 'retirement' (as my Dad keeps calling it).  Been a bit up and down, had further angst trying to work out which clinic to go for, but I've emailed the ones on the list some questions and hope to have a consultation request sent off by the end of next week.  Fingers crossed...

Hope you are having a good weekend,

Love
MrsP
xx


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## MrsPootle

Erm, on something different - does anyone else find this thread won't appear in the 'new replies to your post' list??
Very odd... 

Check out my new signature - I've just found something in the lyrics to Firework by Katie Perry that just seems to encapsulate the journey we are all on.

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## (hugs)

Vicky I'm so so sorry Hun massive hugs to you    

MrsPootle loving the Katie perry lyrics


----------



## Jillyhen

Vicky
So sorry to hear your news hun    
Jillyhen

Ps Hello to all you other lovely ladies


----------



## Vickytick

Jillyhen how are you coping not long until your appt. let's hope you get some answers.

I really think this journey is way tougher than I ever could have imagined. How we come out unscathed ill never know

Hope all you lovely ladies are looking forward to the long weekend.

Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

I havent really been on here that much, taking a back seat..

Vicky i doin ok still good and bad days, review in just under 2 weeks so im actually ready and raring to go again only if my flippin af would appear!! ive been having cramps all week and my (.)(.) are still aching..

Jillyhen


----------



## CKay

I've bee keeping quiet about recent cycle got a B bleepin' FN today.  With all immunes am so sad    when will it ever be our turn!


----------



## Vickytick

Ckay sorry to hear that it never gets easier and you always think the drugs are the answer..I m/c earlier on the drugs than without - go figure..thoughts are with you   X


----------



## Tommi

Oh CKay so sorry to hear your news   It's so unfair.
Be kind to yourself. Thinking of you.
Txx

PS Attempt #4 at root canal today - still couldn't finish it so back again after Easter for #5! What is it about making babies and having root canals?!


----------



## (hugs)

(CKay) sorry to hear your sad news Hun sending lots of hugs your way


----------



## A J

CKay...so sorry hun..this is such a hard course to run isn't it? I honestly never thought that trying to do what most women do so naturally every day could be so hard. Sending you lots of     xx

But, we are a tough lot...despite everything we find a way to get up and move on somehow. I have called it stubbornness but my counsellor prefers to call it courage which sends me into floods of tears every time I'm told that. It is true though isn't it the courage we do have to carry on, whether its a new cycle or to carry on with the ups and downs of life while we take time out.

I'm still in Spain at mo...sun is shining and its been lovely. Had appt at clinic last week who still want me to do a mock cycle and possibly a hysterescopy depending on the response to drugs. Yet, I have had loads of cycles and the response is always different. The mock cycle could show one thing and the actual prove to be another!! Also, clinic in UK dont think I need a hysterescopy and they are the ones who I will need to do it as I cant keep flying out to Spain for the odd days.
Feeling like I'm going backwards instead of forwards at the mo. 

Anyway, going to get out in the sunshine. DH is in the internet cafe next to me on some football forum...men eh- if only my life was so simple.

Love to you all, enjoy the nice long weekend
AJ xxx


----------



## Tommi

Just wanted to send big hugs to you all  
Here we are at Easter! 
AJ - thinking of you. It is so hard knowing what to do for the best  
Hope you're doing OK CKay  
And everyone else... have a hope-filled Easter  
Txx


----------



## CKay

Thanks Vicky, Tommi, AJ and hugs.  AJ you're right about the courage that's a lovely way of putting it.  

Tommi - ouch!!! why number 5 jeepers.  Did I tell you my tooth broke crunching on a corn nut!  So now have 3/4 of tooth left.  Next step he says is a crown or out   .  Note to self avoid crunchy things, and especially avoid toffee!

AJ - think I'm going to have  a hysto before next cycle.  Another expense but hope it's worth it   

Tommi - I can't believe it is Easter too where has the time gone!  

Happy Easter one and all.  It's my birthday on the 11th at least I can have a wine now - every cloud has a silver lining.


----------



## Tommi

CKay we're obviously hapless with our teeth! I have to keep going back because the infection is still there. She can't finish the job until it's gone completely so she keeps opening the tooth up and putting a temporary filling in. Can't have more antibiotics because I had such high doses a few weeks ago. It's all new to me! I just turn up, she drills a bit, pokes around and sends me away!    At least we're OK this weekend... chocolate shouldn't cause too many challenges!

Have a very happy birthday on 11th!    

Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone!  Happy Eastertime!

CKay - Sorry to hear your news - big hugs   x

Jillyhen & Vicky Tick - Hope you are doing ok sunshines x

A J - Yes, men.  What more can I say??   x

Tommi - I've got the dentist on 16th - just a check-up - but I have a bit of pain where I think a filling is loose.  Yikes!   x

All ok here.  I've been filling my time with travelling up and down the country to see the other half, lots of cinema attendance (Hunger Games, Pirates) and gardening.  My achilles are on the mend, so I'm really hoping I can get back into running in a week or so after 3/4 weeks off.  Hopefully my final 'payment' from redundancy should be thru this weekend.  Keep getting offers of work - which is oddly unsettling - it feels wrong to turn them down, but it's vital that I concentrate on the next cycle & chilling.  

Spent 8-10 hours wading through hospital notes this week and put together a 'pack' to apply for ARGC.  I thought I'd feel excited when I'd sent it off, but I'm just knackered!!  But yes, the road is starting again, I just hope this time it works.  Initial consultation is probably 4-8 weeks away and I'm guessing starting a cycle will be another 6 weeks or more on from that!  Which means I probably won't go back to work until after the summer, if we can afford it.  But hubby has been offered another month of work prior to taking redundancy and they seem quite keen to keep him.  So I might be a kept woman!!  It's all a bit strange though - I'm not very good at sitting back but I'm trying my best!!

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend ladies - not sure where I'd be without you all to keep me sane!!!

Lots of love
Mrs Pootle
xx


----------



## Vickytick

Mrspootle glad to hear you are keeping yourself busy and wouldn't that be nice to enjoy the summer itd make treatment less stressful

Tommi/ckay the teeth thing sounds really painful I think you both love medical treatments - lol  

Aj would b nice to be somewhere warm today its horrible here and  I'm supposed to be resting but dh is useless  at cleaning so I sent him the garden instead whilst I did inside...

Hope everyone is okay.

Quick question I'm canvassing opinion  have any of you done the hidden c test and what are your thoughts? I'm looking at reasons for m/c as immunes tests are pretty much clear and I'm on the basic drugs for the borderline ones.

Thanks enjoy the rest of the weekend.    

X


----------



## CKay

Hi Vickytick I've done it mine came back negative thankfully, but I also had a high V swab which found an infection I didn't know I had (ureaplasma).  DH and I had strong anti bs for 3 weeks and all gone now.  It's much cheaper to send hidden c sample direct to locus medicus in greece - here if you have any questions xxxx

Mrs P - a kept woman sounds fab make the most of it I say   

Tommi - any more progress on the tooth?  I wondered if all the dental work had an impact on my cycle this time I haven't googled it yet but I might do to see what people say.

Hugs all CK xxx


----------



## A J

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing OK?

Vicky... how are you doing? I have been thinking about you. xx
I'm thinking of having hidden C done too. I think it will have to be via a clinic in Greece- I did email them the other day but its something else I have to get around to doing. Where are you thinking of having it done? I too am looking for reasons for m/c- there have been no real answers from anyone. With my last pregnancy I took drugs for immunes as a precaution from clinic yet no difference. I have had all the bloods done, nothing showed up. I have not had a hysto done yet.
Does anyone know at what point in the cycle does it have to be done? I have heared so many different things.

I'm feeling a bit low atm.  This whole sorting out stuff is getting on my nerves. I have come back from Spain with no real answers from the clinic- I want miracles to happen!! 
They want a mock cycle but the thought of that with extra scans, pills and injections somehow seems like a waste of time yet I realise that something must be wrong. They said they would only ask for a hysto if mock cycle wasn't satisfactory. The clinic here who I'm on the Russian egg waiting list with have said its not necessary. If I do the mock cycle for Spain then the clinic here are the ones who I will have to request a hysto from. 

Well, I hope the sun is shining where you all are. It actually is here although I wish I was back in Spain and not going back to work on Monday.

Yesterday i lounged in front of the tv and watched 'The Memory Keepers Daughter'. It really upset me how anyone could give away a baby just because they have Down's syndrome. I teach 3 Down's children at the moment and they are such loving, fun unique individuals. I would be over the moon to have a baby whatever or however they turned out to be. 
Just having an emotional few moments xxx


----------



## CKay

AJ - they say to normally do on day 2 of AF so when in full flow as it were (sorry tmi!) If you look at Agate's immune file she has all the details on hidden c link here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.0

Did you have the thrombophilia bloods done too?

Hope that helps xxxx


----------



## SuzieW

Vicky & AJ - I recently had the Hidden C test done through Serum, along with the Mycoplasma and Ureaplasma.  You can get at least the hidden C test done directly through the lab (Locus Medicus) which I think works out a bit cheaper, although if you go through Penny she can provide a prescription to you afterwards if you need.  As CKay says, it should be done on the day of your heaviest flow, usually day 2, as (tmi alert) the blood should be collected without using any muscular contractions.


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies
How is everyone?
I have been taking a bit of time out havent been in great form..
Had review today and ive signed the consent forms to have my 3rd & final go..
Tommi, root canal is awful, ive had a couple done and ive the worst teeth for a dental nurse!!
Jillyhen


----------



## A J

Suzie...I'm thinking of getting the other tests done at the same time as hidden C, I might as well. Have you had the results through yet and how long did it all take. I'm waiting for af to do the yucky bit (hope I can??) before sending it off. I'm going to do a mock cycle then at the same time, so depending on how the results come back it could change my plan a little.

CKay...did locus medicus not test for ureaplasma the same way as for hidden C? Serum said that they could but costs 270 euros if you have all the tests done the way? was it easy to do and get it to them? How long did results take to come back?

Jilly hen...so glad you are giving it another go.     this will be the time for you xxx

Big     to all my lovely survivors here, every day is a day closer to us becoming mummies xxx


----------



## SuzieW

AJ - I had the hidden C, ureaplasma, mycoplasma and general bacterial load all done at once.  I went through Serum and it cost €270 (or thereabouts anyway).  My sample took a while to get there - over 2 weeks, but once it showed up I had the results pretty quickly - about 3 days I think.  I do have a friend who had it done when she was about to cycle and she got her results next day, so they can move faster if you need them to.  I should have thought you could get all of the tests done directly through Locus Medicus as they obviously are the lab who perform them all (my results were on headed Locus Medicus paper) - have you been on their website? Im sure you can find out how to go about it on there.


----------



## CKay

AJ - I had mine done with Dr Gorgy in London he did a swab for urea and myco plasma which was £75.  You can then do a separate hidden c for 90 euros or as AJ says all of them done at the same time with Serum which is called the life code tests I think (or send directly to locus medicus).  It's easy to post sample you mix it with a bit of saline and then send recorded or to be signed for.  I had results back after about 10 days.  Hope that helps.

Suzie - are you having tx with Serum - I have too it's lovely there.

  all xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Aj - only thing with locus I that they can't prescribe the drugs apparently. Not sure who would as my gp won't even prescribe my thyroid drug let alone antibiotics for tests done in Greece! I haven't decided not sure I believe in it all tbh ( personal opinion). Am going to wait for m/c fu then make my decision. Definitely going to do 2nd ivf in June. 

Jillyhen nice to see you back . Sorry to hear its been tough. Planning for next cycle has definitely helped me. Now I know I can get pg just need to stay pg..

Hope everyone is okay. Very quiet on here at the moment...

Love and fairy dustxxxx


----------



## SuzieW

CK - I've been in touch with Penny as I'm thinking Serum will be my next port of call, but still planning to have my next cycle at my local clinic.  I've heard such good things about Penny though and know of some good success stories too, so it just feels like a natural next choice.


----------



## A J

Hi everyone,

Sorry not posted for a while but have been keeping up to date.
Thank you all so much for the info on testing, looks like I'm going to send it off to Serum incase I need a prescription. Just a quickie...how do I get hold of saline solution for the sample?

Af looks like its on its way so am going to start a mock cycle with the Spanish clinic. They seem to think that if all goes to plan I can have the proper cycle during half term in June, depending on if I need a hysto in the meantime.

Even though its only been a couple of months I really feel so disconnected from the whole process and it seems like so, so long ago that I was last getting ready for a tx.

Vicky...any news on the m/c testing hun? I am so glad you are planning on a new cycle in June xx 

I hope everyone is doing OK...drop by and say hi my fellow survivors.
Doesn't it seem like ages ago that we were planning on how to get through the humbug season?

AJ xxx


----------



## SuzieW

AJ I understand you can buy saline solution just from a chemist or from Boots, but you can also just use water that has been boiled first (then cooled!) - I did that, just boiled the kettle the night before, then poured the cold water in after collecting my sample and it was fine.


----------



## A J

Ah thanks Suzie...the kettle it is xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone,
I've been quiet the past few weeks... just getting used to not working.  I thought it would be dead easy, but you just don't stop worrying do you?  

Anyway, I am awaiting my initial consulation with ARGC.  They rang me today to lecture me about my blood pressure.  I know they are just covering themselves, but I felt really upset as the consultant wasn't really listening to me.  I suffer really badly with white coat, and was, I believe misdiagnosed as having 'essential' hypertension (i.e. permanently high bp) about 10 years ago.  Everytime I go into a hospital I have the same arguments with the docs, which in turn makes me more nervous which makes my BP higher.  I'm not against going back onto meds at all if it's helpful for the cycle (I've done the last 2 on meds), but I don't want to be on them full time as I don't believe I need it - and have the readings to prove it!!  Besides, there are only two meds I can take whilst trying to conceive - betablockers (which make it difficult to exercise and lose weight) and alphablockers (which make me depressed after a few weeks).  Anyway rant over.  Thanks for listening  

Trying to do a mindfulness course online, which was helping, but this week has been really busy (I had a funeral to go to), so I haven't had the chance to practice. So I think this week will have to go down as a bad job.

Anyway, hubby is back in town today til Monday - whoopee!!  He is still working down in Essex as his pseudocontract has been extended to the end of May and then now, there's talk of til the end of June.  Not sure how I feel about this, but I can't see a cycle starting til July at the earliest (given the possibility of a dummy cycle + other investigations/blood tests).

On the good front - celebrated 10 years marriage - and even better - the old ovaries were celebrating too - I ovulated this month - and, as chance would have it, as it was on my anniversary, we were in the same county!!    So fingers crossed, but I'm not holding out much hope for a miracle, but it would be nice...

Anyway, happy weekend to everyone else - hope you are all ok.

No personals - just a bit down at the minute... hope I've not brought a cloud of doom with me...oops!

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello people!!!

Is there only me here??  Hope not.

Anyway, in much brighter mood - have initial consultation @ ARGC, so v happy.

Hubby coming home for good on 25th May.  Or at least until we find jobs elsewhere!

The rain is annoying me - but that's all for once. Had a good 2hr chinwag with my mate today and have continued to sort out the house - 3 bags + one chair delivered to the local charity shop.

Hope everyone is ok out there - AJ, VickyTick, JillyHen & all you other ladies,

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi Mrs P and all!  

That's great about your appointment! I hope it goes really well  

Apologies in advance for the me,me,me post! I have loads to catch up with on here. I hope everyone is doing OK. Believe it or not, my tooth is still not finished! Dentist hopes that the next appointment will be the last one. Me too! I think I have had 6 or 7 temporary fillings put in the same tooth over the last 2 months.

I had a hysteroscopy yesterday. Consultant wanted to see if he could find out why I get such strange bleeding after a treatment (thinks it might be implantation failure). Had a nasty reaction to the anaesthetic so ended up staying in overnight. Got the uncontrollable shakes and shivers - I hate that! Ended up feeling like I'd been beaten up! Blood pressure was high one minute and low the next. I don't really know what was going on but they kept giving me painkillers and anti-sickness tablets and the end result is I've only just woken up! Consultant said he found an area where the lining was polypoidal which he removed. Really want to find out more when I get the results and have my follow up in a few weeks.

I really hope you lovely ladies are doing OK!

Txx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies...sorry I have not posted for a while...hope everyone is doing OK?

Mrs P...great news about the initial consultation at ARGC and about hubby coming home     Hopefully this will be the start of some really, really good things coming your way xxx

Tommi...so sorry that you had such a hard time with the hysterescopy. I hope you are feeling a bit better this evening? I am having one in 4 weeks time and am absolutely dreading it!!! I'm not having anaesthetic but will be taking a Valium tablet 2 hours before- bit worried that its not going to mask the pain at all. But my clinic only does it that way...yeuch!!!
Still I know like you that its the only way they can find out about irregular bleeding and maybe why I have had 6 m/c (with both my own eggs and donor eggs). I will be watching to see what the results show hun xxx

I have been having eratic bleeding again this month. Am on the pill (for the last 2 weeks)  before starting a mock cycle yet I have been spotting every day since starting them. I emailed the clinic today who said carry on with the pill...just seems a bit weird?? Nothing ever goes straightforward where my body is concerned- no wonder it doesn't know how to stay pregnant!!  

Anyway....I hope all my fellow survivors are doing ok?
AJ xxx


----------



## Tommi

AJ - I think a lot of my issues were with the general anaesthetic rather than the actual procedure so you should be fine. They were very good with pain relief. I was asked many times if I needed more analgesic and once said "I can live with it" and the response was that any pain should be managed sooner rather than later.  I had so many pain killers I haven't been to the loo for days! (Sorry, TMI!) I'm sure they won't let you feel anything.  
Txx


----------



## Vickytick

It has been quiet on here recently keep popping on but no posting  

Sounds like you had a tough time Tommi with th drugs. It amazes me how much we put our bodies through really.

Mrsp you sound quite bright and it must be great to have hubby home soon.

Aj I hope you are okay half term for you in a couple of weeks - yay )

Finally I have my fu for my mc the results are in but could only get apps on 25th may bit peeved when it's private but can't o much about it. Not sure what to expect but still on for ivf cycle in June. Bloods all done and clinic told. Really hoping I get more than 3 eggs and past 2dt this time.

I'm decorating at the moment to pass the time. Think my relationship can survive two mc, fAiled ivf and a [email protected]@@h ex wife but DIY I'm not so sure  xx

Love to all


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi girls!!!

AJ - Sounds like you have the same as me - my body pretends to have one problem one month then changes it the next!  Can't it just decide to do the right thing for once, eh?  Hope you are ok xx

Tommi - hope you are recovered by the time you read this - I am preparing for the possibility of an hysterescopy - who knows? Thankfully I'm usually good with anesthetics, just my ever misbehaving blood pressure confines me to hospital!! xx

Vickytick - How annoying the appointment can't be sooner - you think when you go private you might get better service but this never seems to be the case.  Cross my fingers you get some learnings from the FU.  Loved the DIY comment - I am in that boat too - see below xx

I'm good.  Hubby has accepted a job in Chelmsford this week, which means we will be, hopefully in a rented pad come mid-July, which I hope should tie up nicely with treatment timings (which I can only guess currently).  So happy!  I'm looking at jobs - not intending to apply for anything until I complete treatment - luckily I have this option - just hope it pays off!!  The down side is getting the house in Liverpool ready to sell - I can't believe how many little jobs we have let slip - partly from being in an IVF treatment 'fug' for so long... but anyway, just gotta smarten things up, but there is something in every room of my semi to have to attend to.  Best room is 'papering over a crack', worst room is the kitchen - which has 70s cupboards, a mix of 50s and 80s tiling and generally needs a bomb put under it and to start again... but, we plan to just tidy things up - new owners are likely to want to extend.

Also, got my bloods back from my GP today.  Prolactin was normal - big cheers  - was so worried about that.  FSH seems a bit higher than normal - 9.4 - but I haven't ovulated this month so I guess that stacks up.  Everything else seems normal too - so big cheers all round.  Except it won't be as I'm giving up the alcohol this week in prep for treatment... ah well!!

Right - dinner calls!! 
Love to you all,

MrsP
xx


----------



## A J

Sitting in staff room in the middle of pregnancy, birth and baby talk as someone is bringing their newborns in and someone else is due in a few weeks time- I could literally scream at them all how lucky they blooming well are....instead of complaining about aches and pains and names and labour etc, etc!!!

I want to run atm so thought I would focus on saying hi to you all-friends who understand how it is for those of us still struggling. 

Blooming af atm and progynova for mock cycle...what joys this fertility lark brings.

Sorry for rant, thank you all for being here xxx


----------



## Tommi

AJ - huge hugs for you!    

That never gets any easier does it? I really hope that if ever I get to be pregnant I am a tad more sensitive to others. A friend posted a very funny cartoon on ********... it's called "******** in real life". It just shows how crazy it is when people want to shove their food, babies and pets in your face! I won't be able to descirbe it well enough but with the baby one basically there's a new mum (stick character) holding a baby in another stick character's face and shouting "Look at my baby! I had it 4 minutes ago! It's naked! Look at the baby!" Always makes me laugh, especially when ** is full of scan pictures etc!

Good luck with the mock cycle and rant away whenever you need to!

 

Txx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies! Hope all's well with you all. I was half way through writing this when I saw AJ's post so dived in to reply to that so excuse the random nature of this!

Thanks MrsP, I'm much better now and have my follow up on Wednesday. Looking forward to it in a funny way.

And, ladies, I have to report that my root canal is finally finished! Ten weeks after the troubles began... all three roots are now filled and happy! No more weekly dental visits. Feels like the end of an era 

Good luck with the house sale MrsP  

Vickytick - really hope the appointment goes well  

Lots of hugs to everyone else. I hope all things fertility related are going well.

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi...that cartoon sounds really funny  

DH and myself are both on diets atm...talk about wanting to kill- we love our food but need to shed those few pounds. I have put on a good half a stone during the last year with on/off cycling. When Im on a cycle of ivf drugs I let myself eat whatever I want then when it goes wrong I comfort eat for a while too...my only excuse is feeling ****** off with not getting and staying pregnant now and I cant keep making that excuse to eat whatever I want or I will be the size of a house the way things are going!!!

Hope everyone is doing ok? xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies,

Well we survived decorating and are even looking to do another room - its called mission occupy Vicky I think. It keeps my mind off things ep appt looming on fri which I'm quite nervous about,

Aj I know how you feel one o the guys announced his wife is pg you'd think he was fathering the next king o England all so over the top and no thought about those who have probs. I'm off alcohol now for ivf 2 it seems so long ago since the first on an o much has happened.

Mrsp you'll be down the road from me I live about 10 mins from Chelmsford. Hope the decorating is not too bad. 

Tommi hope today went okay for you and you got one answers really glad the teeth are finally fixed.

Hope you've got sunshine and are able to enjoy it. Xxx


----------



## A J

Vicky...will be thinking of you on Friday. I hope they can give you some well deserved answers xx  Glad the decorating is going ok- are you still selling or have I missed an update?

Tommi...how did your appt go hun?

MrsP...how is the mindfulness going? I have a CD which I used to do quite a bit...its hard but worthwhile, maybe I should get back on ot   glad your tests came back ok too xx

Feeling a bit bored tonight so stuck on the pc- what a sad life...but after work Im too shattered to do anything...feeling my age today, not good   

AJ xx


----------



## CKay

Tommi -     yay for the tooth so glad it's finally sorted!  Did I tell you I went and broke mine a week after having all the work done.  Now I have 3/4 of ruddy tooth at least I have that should be grateful   .  

Vicky - I too will be thinking of you Friday and hope this gives you a way forward.  I bet the house looks tip top now    hope it's been a non too stressful distraction for you.

AJ - hope diet going OK and sorry to hear about the staff room chats.  I have the same I work with mostly females who all have children, are pregnant or who have recently had a baby.  It's all the photos and 'sharing,' on ******** that gets to me a little, also the pitying glances and comments in my direction.  Have also had people scared to tell they're pregnant which I think is almost worse.  I don't want their babies I would like my own.  Jeepers I could go on - sorry rant over! I must have been holding it all in   


Mrs P  -     YAY for bloods being all normal - and good luck with the decorating.

AFM - there must be something in the air.  I too have recently had a hysto, I went to Greece for mine as having tx at Serum.  They found loads of scar tissue which helps to explain why things didn't work last cycle and why my AF has been very strange since the miscarriage.  So scar tissue has been cut away and now on hormones.  Ho hum the journey continues I don't know whether to be hopeful or not for next tx it's hard.  Have been feeling very down hearted about it all and been thinking enough is enough, just fed up with it dominating me and DH's lives, yet don't want to give up yet.  

Right best go it's Apprentice time I'm hooked!  CKay xxx


----------



## A J

CKay...I feel exactly like you. It has dominated my life for far too long but also not ready to give up. Every holiday for the last 2 years have been back and forth to Spain for consultations, DE cycle, frozen tx and now Hysto. DH and I just want a holiday for us away from clinics, being prodded and poked and being filled with hormones etc. Its so difficult to make other plans with time/money being ploughed into fertility. When will it all end?  This forum helps me a lot for which I am so grateful. Feel free to rant away, thats what we're here for xxx

Vicky...good luck for tomorrow xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies,

Aj - sorry to see you're feeling a bit down. This process is so consuming of our lives especially free time. Made worse by having to factor other people into everything. Sometimes I want my free time to be Scott and I not plus ss. We always use the time it's just us for appts etc. I really hope you feel better this weekend.

Ckay - we are coming up to 3 years ttc and I know others have been doing it far longer but we've only been together 3 1/2 (we knew this was it) it's all we've known for so long. You just have to let the bad days come and go then move on. The positive is you've had the hyso and they've sorted it out. Fingers crossed it helps next time  

Afm - got my results. Nothing wrong with the foetus but they told me it was a girl. Which shocked me as I really want a girl but thought as scott already has a son it'll be a boy. Not sure how'll I feel WHEN it does work if it's a boy. Yes I'll be happy I'm pg and would love a son but always thought if I have only one with a girl I'd share things for longer ie shopping, daning classes a boy would do stuff with daddy. They are upping everything now steroids to 40 mg, this time I'm having clexane and also intrallipids. It's a case of try it all I think. But it's made me positive if I can get pg itll stand a good chance. So ivf round two in June.


----------



## A J

Vicky...so glad you got the results back. I like you would really like to have a girl for the same reasons. DH already has a son to go and do the boy things with. today they are off somewhere while Im left to do housework, a little bit of shopping etc. we both walk on egg shells when he comes back as Im not really interested in what they have done (more like it upsets me too much!) they are always with his family, grandparents, cousins etc which I cant be a part of until we have our own together. At least today I get hubby back earlier as roads are being blocked due to the Olympic torch. Will get to watch it with DH instead of with his son. The son can go with his mother. OMG I really sound so bitter, but sometimes I just am  . Its right that if we can get preggars we are in with a better chance. Its finding that missing link isnt it? xx

Glad your cycling again. I cant wait to start mine. Got to get the Hysto out of the way first then schedule it around the school hols. One more week and Spain for Hysto, then 6 weeks school and hopefully DE cycle. Its the longest I have ever had between cycles and its killing me.

Has anyone seen how many blooming baby adverts are around atm, whats that all about? 

Enjoy the sunshine my lovelies xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've not been around - travelling between Liverpool and London the last two weeks - and this is now to extend to Kent next week!

Vicky - glad the appointment went well, sounds like they are doing something different this time, which always makes me feel better when that happens.  Wow - you're in Chelmsford too!! I might bend your ear on good areas to rent in too if you don't mind.

A J - I'm ok - how was the Olympic torch?  I can't believe that I'm going to be in the wrong part of the country each time I *should* get an opportunity to see it!! Typical!

Tommi - How's it going?  

AFM - got appointment with ARGC on Thursday.  Just hope they say something positive!  Had a nasty fall on the stairs at home yesterday - I think caused by some antihistamines given to me the day before at the docs.  Went woozy then clunk - almost 2 sprained ankles.  The left one has an attractive and painful large golfball sized lump on it.  I just hope I am walking ok by Thursday... other than that - I'm ok.  Me & OH have our hands full with sorting the house out & getting moved down to Chelmsford by mid-July, but why would anything in my life be anything other than full-on!!

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Ooh - AJ - you asked about the mindfulness - I started well but still have over half the course to complete.  It's really helped though - just reminding myself to concentrate on the present and not the future or past has been such a pressure off me.  I still need to do 'formal' practice more often though.  I decided it might be something worth doing because I'd tried IVF/fertility specific relaxation treatments such as acupuncture or hypnosis, but they only served to remind me of my problems 24/7.  This is different - it's more of a change in attitude.  But ask me when I'm into my next cycle(!) that will be the real test!!


----------



## MrsPootle

Me again!
Gah! Had complete meltdown today but feel better for it.
Got appt tomoro & got all upset as I felt like I couldn't bear listening to someone reviewing our case & telling us that I'm defunct in some way...
Added to this my mother is going for a detailed investigation for what could turn out to be breast cancer and I just feel like I can't cope with it all...
But a good cry did make me feel better. I think I've been bottling it up all week.
Anyway, wish me luck, I'm hoping this will all feel better tomoro when I've been & gone to the appointment..
Love MrsP
X


----------



## Tommi

Big hugs to you Mrs P  
And to anyone else going through it right now  
Sorry for the rush - off to an evening lecture of all things on a hot, sunny evening like this!  
I will catch up properly soon.
Txx


----------



## Tommi

And good luck Mrs P!


----------



## A J

Ah Mrs P bless you...wishing you all the luck in the world for tomorrow. Let us know how you get on xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Mrs P - hope it went okay. huge hugs your way.

Life is a [email protected]@@h as they say and that is so true for us ladies. I'm due to start 2nd IVf next week but stressing about work (even though I'm a temp). I've got deadlines for end of June but as I only work 3 days a week and will have to fit IVF clinic and immunes clinic in I'm worried I won't get it done. On top of that everything else seems to be just going wrong at the moment. Why does everything happen at the same time. I just feel like crying today and hiding in my bed...

AJ - I know exactly what you mean as always. The last couple of bdays and father's day I've brought hubby a present/card as his ex apparently can't afford to (despite numerous holidays and giving up work recently) but I've decided there is no way I'm doing it this month. Emotionally I won't be in the right place to do that this time as it'll be during my ivf and shouldn't be expected to. It should be me doing this for my child (it would be their first bday in July) not someone else's. 

I hope that everyone has a lovely long weekend and for a small time we can forget what we have to put up with..

Vicky
xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks Tommi, AJ and Vicky Tick - I survived!!

All went well - got Dr Ranieri and he was very positive about what can be done.  I was a bit disappointed that all I did was chat - I'm used to be poked, pricked or at the very least being told to get on the couch!  I got my AF today as well - so was a bit sore and grumpy.  Looks like I've got another month to wait until I can start a monitoring cycle & get my immunes checked out but DH is being checked out for DNA fragmentation and we are getting karyo...blah-blah(!) done to check our compatibility.  So all logical stuff.  Dr R was great, spent lots of time with us and explained things very clearly.  Also came away understanding the concern about my blood pressure better too (rather than just being mad).  Decided against starting the monitoring cycle today as we need to move, so it's enough on our plates.  I'm sort of ok with this - I just want to get going though? But I also know that move stress, finding a place to rent stress and being in multiple places to do monitoring cycles stress isn't ideal either!  Most of all though, don't feel so bad about my body being so rubbish - so that's quite a nice feeling - and it's encouraging when you hear of success with other patients.  I love this 'ignorance is bliss' part of the treatment at a new place - I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts!

Vicky Tick - sorry it's all such a stress at the moment.  With the news about my mum I can SO relate to the hiding in bed and crying (in fact, I did that yesterday)! I know it sometimes feels like it doesn't rain but pour, but, try to take only one problem at a time and the IVF/immunes 'just' needs to be top priority for a bit of time - stuff everything else!  I know it's not that easy - but try not to be too hard on yourself.  I've done that all too often of late.

Tommi - Evening lecture - sounds nice - where has the hot sunny weather gone now though - BOO HISS! I want it back!

A J - they mentioned hysto to me - but that won't be until I've had a million other tests.. so I can't stress about that yet.  Did you see the torch?  It's in Liverpool tomorrow by which time I'll have moved from Kent (where I am now) to Dudley!  Saw some pics of it in Warrington and was quite jealous...

That's all for now - long day - so bed beckons!

Love
MrsP
x


----------



## A J

Mrs P...I'm so,so glad consultation went well and that you have a plan to move forward. It wont be long before you will be cycling again. It seems like the clinic are being very thorough- excellent!! xx

Vicky...hope your feeling a bit better today chick? Its fab that you are staring another ivf   I totally understand about the job stuff. I'm on a temp contract too but am stressing about scans that I may need coming up before the summer hols. There is always a way of juggling it about, its a bit of headwork though...try not to let it all get you down too much xx

Tommi, Ckay and everyone else I hope you are all ready for a nice long Jubilee weekend and are getting a bit of extra time off   

Well I'm off to sunny Spain in the morning (getting up at 3am..yeuch!!) for a Hysto and hopefully some sunbathing too   Dreading the Hysto but will get through it as I know I need to get this sorted to move forward.
Took DH to airport Wed morning (another 3am get up) so he could get a cheaper flight out to the apartment. I have had to take my dog to the kennels after work today so am feeling a tad lonely this evening. Its been years since I have been completely on my own and its not fun at all. Certainly has made me grateful for those I do have in my life.
Anyway, finished school for the hols today with a Jubilee party. It was fab..releasing 500 red, white and blue balloons and the queen came to visit, actually looked more like a bloke in drag. It was so funny as one of the teaching assistants dressed up who has a tattoo on the back of her neck. The younger infants were amazed that even the queen has a tattoo. A great day considering I'm not much of a royalist at all!!!

Anyway my lovelies, may get on internet at a cafe while I'm away and catch up
AJ xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How is everyone??

I have been a bit awol for a wee while.

Mrs P hope all is ok with your mum..

I havent had much of a chance to read back im logging on quickly at work.. My laptop is getting fixed and has been for the past 3 weeks..

Vicky good luck on getting started again..

Afm, im back on the bandwagon, started Dr injections last fri feeling not to bad.. We did have a set back a month ago when we went to collect our drugs and the clinic told us they coulldnt start us due to them closing for 2 weeks!! We where so gutted and p***** off, i had my self all syched up and everything so we did consider another clinic onyl to get an appt with them and then the other rang to check dates etc.. So needless to say we stayed with them as i wanted to get going and if this didnt work then we can have closure and look towards adoption..

Jillyhen


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Jillyhen - nice to hear from you - glad you are getting things moving again with another cycle coming up.
Hi AJ - guess you are in Spain by now, hope all is going well.

AFM - thought I'd let everyone know that my Mum got an all-clear on the lump in her breast.  It's benign thank goodness.  I'm ok - starting monitoring cycle next month, trying to organise move in the meantime.  Had great day yesterday doing a car boot sale with my man - it was such a laugh and we made £220 so that's in the IVF pot - it's funny how you start to equate money to a blood test or two!

Love to all
MrsP
x


----------



## Jillyhen

Mrs P 

brilliant news about your mum, what a huge weight lifted.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!

Havent been on here for a while so forgive me for not being up to date with where everyone is at the moment. Ive had a quick glance back through posts but Im sorry if I miss anyone. 

Jillyhen, great news that you are cycling again. Ive got everything crossed that its 3rd time luck for you lovely.  

AJ, are you still in Spain? I hope the hysto went ok and you managed to get some sunbathing in??!!!

MrsP, great news on your mum getting the all clear, that must be a huge relief for you and your family.  I hope the next month goes quickly for you so that you can get started on your tests etc. The waiting around is the worst part isnt it? 

Vickytick, hope you are feeling a little better and less stressed this week? Have you started your ivf this week? 

Hi, Tommi! How are the teeth?

Sorry if Ive missed anyone, Im not great at doing personals and Ive probably missed alot as Ive not been on here for a few months now. 

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello,

Crikey MrsP you do like to keep yourself busy don't you..glad about your mum that's a huge weight lifted. So true about equating everything to money and ivf. Anything not used for more than ten mins in our house nd it get sold on eBay - lol 

Aj how was sunny Spain a lot warmer the here I bet hope the hysto went well.

Pp how are things with you?

Jillyhen you must have been so annoyed as I takes lot to psych yourself up again after a mc. I really hope Thi does work or you.

Afm started stimms yesterday all go with full immunes intrallipids, clexane etc and on highest dose of . Ec provisionally booked in for 26th. Just hoping I get more than 3 eggs fertilised and past 2dt.

Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello gorgeous girls!!

Just logged on to see how everyone is, thanks for your good wishes about my Mum, it is a huge weight lifted indeed.

I'm ok - we've found a new home (renting) down in Writtle (near Chelmsford) at that waiting for our application/references to be approved.  If all goes well, we move in second week in August.  This means my monitoring cycle might not start this week - I'm really unsure when is the best time to start really.  I need to ovulate, and after having ovulated every other month since Christmas I didn't this month.  which was sort of good, as I didn't opt to start the montiroing cycle this month - but I can just tell I'm gonna stress!!  But at the moment, I'm pretty happy - just trying to help as much as possible with move then I can put my feet up once I've changed docs and moved in.

Vickytick - good luck for 26th -     for lots of eggs and embyros.

Jillyhen, AJ, Tommi - how you doing?

PP - welcome back!  What are you up to?  I'd say are you enjoying the sunshine, but we've not had much of that at all have we

Anyway, love to you all,

MrsP
xx


----------



## Tommi

Hello ladies!

It's been ages since I've had a good catch up on here so here goes...

MrsP - best of luck for your move! I really hope it goes swimmingly  

Vicktick - good luck! I hope it all goes well on 26th and loads of positive vibes for some perfect little embies        

PP - how are you doing?   (My teeth are just fine now, thank you!)

Jillyhen - how's the cycle going? I have everything crossed for you         

AJ - how are you doing? How was the hysto? I hope the trip to Spain was a good one  

Sorry if I have missed anyone out. I hope everyone's doing OK. Shame the sun has disappeared again but at least the heavy rain forecast hasn't materialised (here anyway!). After the recent floods we can do without that again!

I am about to start an IVF/ICSI cycle. I have my scan booked tomorrow and if all well I will start the gonal f then. I am very excited!

Take care everyone!  

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Quick one or Tommi hope the scan went well.


----------



## Tommi

Thanks Vickytick! Scan was fine and I'm now on my fourth day of gonal f. Got a progress scan tomorrow morning. Feeling very bloated    I really hope that something is going on in there and I get an egg or two! 

Hope everyone else is doing ok  

Txx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, 

So sorry I havent been on for ages...just had a read back and am trying to catch up.

Vicky....hows it going? Did you have e/c yesterday? its such a nerve wracking time isnt it? Thinking bout you hun xx
Tommi...glad things are going well and the scan went well, being bloated seems like a good sign to me...good luck with next scan xx

Im useless at personals at the best of time so just saying hi to you all for now. Hope you are all well...cant believe where the year is going. Only seems like yesterdy that we were here trying to encourage each other through Crimbo!!

Not much happening with me really. Hysto showed nothing so am starting a fresh DE cycle meds next week, hopefully a trip to Spain and tx the first week of the school hols.

AJ xxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi AJ - good to hear the hysto didn't show anything and you can get on with treatment.    

Vickytick - thinking of you      

My scan was fine today. Looks like there are 15 follies getting active so I really hope they can get some eggs from them!

Hope everyone else is doing OK  

Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Hope you are all well..

Ive no laptop at home so have to log on to the work computer do im a bit lost to what is happening..

Tommi, you arent to far ahead of me, i started gonal f on wednesday, so far so good no side affects.. I had a scan on tuesday & the nurse can see 12 follicles and when she checked the measurements 1 was 5mm, the lining is nice & thin so thanksfully all is good. How are you feeling?

Vivky hope are you hun?

Mrs p hows your mum? Hope your move goes smoothly

The weather is horrendous at the minute, please come back sunshine..#

Must go & get some work done, really cant be bothered..

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Hi Jillyhen - that's great that you're on the gonal f! And what a brilliant starting point! I had a scan this morning and now have around 18 follies but they think around 12 will be big enough for EC which will be next Wednesday. Lining looking lovely! I've been fine on these drugs. The gonal f is easy and absolutely no ill effects, but the cetrotide is a bit of a science kit and I'm all fingers and thumbs with it. Not sure I'll get used to that!

Lots of follie-growing vibes for you Jillyhen!      

Vickytick - how's it going?  

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies it's going well. We're having ET tomorrow with 2 blasts hopefully if nothing goes wrong overnight   can't believe the immunes testing has made such a diff but the prolactin drugs increased th number of eggs so we could go for blast. Otd is 9/7 so not long to hol out. Nervous but Freddie the puppy is keeping me busy...

AJ glad you've got a plan to focus on and de will be soon. That's great news.

Tommi sounds like you're doing well a good number of follies as well. Everything crossed for next we'd

Jillyhen it's good news for you as well


So pleased everyone is progressing with treatment let's hope for some good news over th next few weeks.

I'm off for a sleep these steriods are makin me sooooo tired.

Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girlies

Tommi i have been on the suprefract for 3 weeks instead of the nasal spray so hopefully that will help.. They couldnt guarantee i was getting all of the stuff before..

Brilliant number of follicles.

Aw vicky hope all goes ok tomorrow hun, fingers crossed

Hows the pup settling in?

Will be a bust couple of weeks on here then..


----------



## MrsPootle

Just a quick hello from me and to wish you luck with your cycles!  I do think about you all often - I'm crossing my fingers that we all have some luck in 2012 - which, as A J says - is WHIZZING by!!

Thanks for your good 'moving' wishes - it's all go still here - I have paint and wallpaper paste in my hair.  I found a new use for some spare IVF syringes - using them to put paste into air bubbles or awkward repairs on wallpaper!! LOL.  Decided to start monitoring cycle at end of July, til then bring on the moving stress!!

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## MrsPootle

As ever I forgot to mention something, I feel I need to share.

I was a little sad yesterday as I was decorating our spare bedroom.  It hadn't occurred to me til then that I had expected to redecorate it as a nursery, and this was why we hadn't done anything with it for 6 or so years - leaving it almost as identical to when we moved in (it's an 1980s horror).  But, despite my sadness, it did feel, by decorating it, that life is moving forward again.  

I don't know what the year holds for me, I don't know if the treatment will happen this year or not (immunes might have a hand in that) but I do know this - I think I'm gonna be ok and I'm feeling almost hopeful again.  It was strange that something I would normally regard so negatively actually felt like a positive.  In going through such a BIG change of scene - not currently working, moving house - it feels like casting off the old feelings and opening my head to new possibilities.

Anyway, that's my new-age thought for the weekend...!!!!  Enjoy yours!

xx


----------



## Vickytick

*MrsP* lovely thoughts about looking at things differently. Sometimes changes give us the impetus to change our outlook. It's not the end just a new chapter or a different route. Glad you're keeping busy. I'd love to be decorating our other spare room but obv not allowed and I hate not being able to do things I want. Im a perfectionist so it has to be done my way - lol.

*Tommi* how are you follies still growing nicely I hope. Still set for wed? Fingers crossed for you.

*Jillyhen b] puppy has changed overnight. He's now play biting all the time. No more cute cuddles and so hyperactive. I've always had quiet dogs and I think he's going to b a handful. So it's not going down well t home. Few arguments over him an whether it was a mistake! Timing is probably just wrong. Im v worried about keep getting up and down to him saying no which can't be helping me stay calm....hope your follies are growing nicely.

Aj how are you? How's life at home at the moment with the ss. Have you started the de meds yet? Back on the rollercoaster of ttc.

It's lovely to see us all getting back on our journeys lets hope we start getting one positive news.

Xx*


----------



## Vickytick

It was a BFN or me again. It wasn't really a shock as after 3 yrs of ttc, 3 mc and 2 failed ivf I think I know my body well enough to know when it's pg or not. Going to take time out as I can't start 3rd cycle until dec anyway (nhs rules as no frosties) but not sure I can face the physical and emotional pain again so will look a other options. However many people accuse me of 'giving up' being a mummy is more important to me than giving birth.

Hope you are all well at whateve stage you are at.

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Really sorry to read that Vickytick   Such a tough time. Good for you having a plan for the next few months. I wish you lots of luck!        

Egg collection went well and they got 11 eggs, 7 of which were mature enough for ICSI. All 7 did well and they took them to blast stage so I had 2 blasts transferred yesterday. They are going to let me know today if any of the others are strong enough for freezing. 

So I'm on my 4th 2WW but it does feel different this time in that I saw the little embies before they were transferred and then again during the scan afterwards when they showed me the little fluid bubble they had arrived in. It was such an amazing experience! I hope I can remember that, whatever the news is on 18th. 

I hope you're all doing OK ladies!  

Txx


----------



## CKay

Tommi - PUPO      ET sounds a lovely experience.

Vicktick - I'm sorry to read your news.  We also recently (Friday) got a BFN.  I feel hopeless and don't know if it will ever work for us.  Mrs P send me some of your positivity.  To top it all DH's aunty died so we're very sad right now.  Off to North Wales tomorrow for her funeral on Friday.

Hugs all CKay xxx


----------



## Tommi

Really sorry to read your news CKay. I hope Friday goes as well as can be expected.  
Thank you for your positive vibes!
Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Vicky & ckay so sorry to hear your news ladies..   

Sorry to hear about your recent bereavement.

Tommi congrats on being pupo..

Afm, i had e/c yesterday and was a bit deflated as we got had the 5 eggies, so after an anxious night the clinic rang this morning to say 4 have fertilised so transfer is on thurs at the minute unless the are strong enought to go to blasto..

How are the rest of you lovely ladies

Jillyhen


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone,

Right - here are lots of positive vibes from me       

Vickytick and CKay - really sorry to hear your news, it never gets any easier does it?  Make sure you get lots of treats in (whatever that might be - a walk in the glorious July sunsh.. scratch that - chocolate, facial (at home), favourite films all do it for me) and be kind to yourself.  It's important to take time out, as I am sure you know - something un-IVF and un-baby related is good - can you get away for a short weekend with your OH? Vicky - I can relate to how you are feeling in that I think, if my next go is unsuccessful it will take a small army to get me to do another cycle - but you can never tell how you will feel in a few weeks or months - so don't make any rash decisions right away would be my advice.  Love and     xx

Tommi - congrats on being PUPO - I have fingers crossed for you   xx 

Jillyhen - As they say - it only takes one - so don't be disheartened.  Good luck for ET on Thursday - will be thinking of you   xx

A J - How are you getting on with the latest cycle - what stage are you at?  Hope all is good xx

AFM - Well, positivity swings to uncharacteristic crying sessions - three times in one week!  But it is probably down to the emotional upheaval of moving.  Not much cycle action for me, every thing is 'on the horizon' - starting 27th July for my ARGC monitoring cycle (should my period arrive on time) and other tests to come thereafter.  This will be challenging with the fact we have a weekend in London for the Olympics on 3-6th August - but hey, it should be a distraction?!?  The other distraction is decorating - pretty much fed up of it and I think I have another couple of months ahead of me with that in place... ho hum... positive thinking is not coming easily as last week!  

Anyway, love to you all - and nice to hear a bit from so many of us Xmas'ers.  Hard to believe over 6 months have passed - where is the year going?!?

MrsP
xx


----------



## A J

Vicky and CKay...I'm so, so sorry that you have both had the worst news this week. As Mrs P put it, it never gets any easier does it. A bit of you time now....a little of what you fancy, or just do nothing, but please be kind to yourselves. The time WILL come for us all     I just want to send you both huge hugs and make things ok xxxxx

Tommi...congrats on your tx, fingers crossed the magic is working away and those little embies are settling down nice and snug xxxx

Jillyhen...roll on Thursday when those little ones will be back where they belong. Praying that this is your time xxxx

Mrs P...wont be long now before you can get that monitoring cycle underway. I hope the decorating is coming along nicely...wish I could get my act together and do some here too xxxx

afm...on the horrible progynova building up the womb lining and scan next Tuesday. Been looking at flights to Spain but super expensive. Its just a bit annoying that I will only get 48hrs notice from the clinic that the donor is ready so cant book anything. Its always so stressful.
I'm busy at mo going to curves gym and flabelos vibration plates to try to lose a few pounds before I go to Spain. As well as hopefully having a transfer I want to get a bit of a holiday in too and feeling a bit porky around the edges. I hate exercise but I'm giving it hell!!!

Big hello to everyone else I have missed out today...remember that we are survivors!!!!!

Love AJ xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi AJ - I was on hols last week in Devon - too many cream teas has rendered me, ahem, portlier than for a while!!  I too am on a health kick (in readiness for the monitoring cycle)... for today and tomorrow at least - then I bet I'll cave in...  ah well - bed calls (if I can find it as half the bathroom is in the bedroom, half the other bedroom is downstairs, etc... etc....)  I think work was less stressful than decorating!!!  Hope the flights get worked out - I'll do a flight dance (in the style of a rain dance)  ... night all! Mrs P xx


----------



## Vickytick

Seems really busy on here for cycles at the moment which is great news.

Ckay sorry to hear your news it's so hard isnt it. I've found the comments from others hard this time you know don't give up you've got to give it another go etc. 

Tommi and jilyhen congrats on being pupo     really hope it works as itd be lovely for this thread to have some bfp's.

Mrsp sounds like the decorating is getting you down focus on the end. It must be great exercise though..lol. Not long until your monitoring cycle and ARGC have a v good rep with results so  

Aj good news that you've got your scan next week. Nice idea for a hol sun always helps. Fingers crossed for Tuesday.  

Afm was feeling more positive but called clinic today to book fu  to be told that their nhs satellite contract has been pulled so I've got to choose another clinic. Trouble is which one and what if they had a waiting list do I go to the top as its my 3 IVF cycle. Ive got to wait 6 months but don't want to leave it too late before I contact them. Bit of a nightmare when youve built a relationship with the clinic

Good luck to everyone over the next couple of weeks. Huge   Being sent your way xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Vicky how you doin hun?

Tommi how are you feeling?

Aj, i quite liked curves, my local one closed down & i was gutted.

mrs P i hate decorating..

I didnt have transfer on thur my 3 remaining embies have made it to blasto so we are up in the morning.. The clinic couldnt tell me how they looked, from yesterday's call we had 2 grade 1's @ 8 cell & a grade 2. They did say there was a chance they all wouldnt make it but we decided to try as we have never had a grade 1 before and the embryoloist said they where good looking embies..
 that my wee embies are ready to come home with mummy..

Jillyhen


----------



## Vickytick

That's such good news jilyhen. Best of Luke today   . It does makes the 2ww easier a 5dt as less days to think about it.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good morning all!!

Still following your posts in the background. 

Jillyhen, best of luck for this morning. I have everything crossed for you. 

xxxxx


----------



## Tommi

Good luck JillyHen!    I have everything crossed for you. Having a day 5 transfer has made a huge difference this time. My 2WWs before have been the full 2 weeks after IUI but this one has flown by so quickly. It's blood test day for me on Wednesday... already! I hope it flies by as quickly for you.      

CKay - I hope yesterday went as well as it could.  

Hi PP, MrsP, VickyTick and AJ and anyone else I have missed!   Vicktick - I had to change clinic this year and it is a bit unsettling but my new one is a million times better than the last one so I've been so glad I changed. I hope the switch goes smoothly for you.

MrsP - not many things nicer than a cream tea! 

Good luck with the flights and everything AJ. The acupuncturist I go to has a room at a Curves gym and it looks really nice. Not high tech but very friendly. I've decided to join once I know what's going on with this cycle...

Hope you all have a good weekend. Rainy here.... again!

Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Just a quick log on heading up to mums..

Had a 2bb blasto transferred yesterday, the other 2 where a bit slow and at compaction stage. However they have mad it to blasto today but unfortunately cant be frozen   

Be on later to read thru the posts..

Thanks for the well wishes.

Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

That's great news about your little blasts! I have everything crossed for you!    
Txx


----------



## CKay

Jilly - wonderful news may the little ones be snuggling in tight as I type      

T - and you too!!!


----------



## MrsPootle

Fabbo news Jillyhen - thrilled to little pieces for you!!

Thanks for sharing the decorating burdens...     time for bed for me - had a girlie night at my best mate's as DH starts his new job so is down in Chelmsford... yikes and double yikes!!  So I'm left holding the paintbrushes... 

Gotta sleep - love to you all xxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies

Just wanted to tell you that I got a    today!

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Tommi HUGE CONGRATS I'm so pleased for you some good news on this board for once.    

You've finally got the  after the rain.

Here's to a healthy 9 months 

Xx

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Tommi

Thanks so much Vickytick! I am so excited! Now I'm on the 3 week wait for the 7 weeks scan! 

May there be many more    on this thread!

Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Wow..

Brilliant news Tommi congratulations..

Im slowly starting to hear my hair out!! Tbh i dont think its good news, ive been having awful cramps for the past 2 day   

How are the rest of you lovely ladies??

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all,

Tommi great news on your bfp!!! Here's to a healthy happy 9 months!!! Hope you dont mind me asking but did you have De-IVF as I noticed that you had DIUI before? 

Jillyhen, hold on in there flower, you dont know its bad news yet and people have had cramping and gone on to get BFP's. 

Hope everyone else is ok? 

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks mrs

I had cramping all thru my 2 ww the last time and it ended as soon as i had my 1st ever bfp.   

How are you feeling?

Vicky how are you doin?

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

I have everything crossed for you. When is your OTD? 

Im very good thank you. 

xx


----------



## Tommi

Thanks Jillyhen and PP  

Jillyhen... I had a killer migraine and sickness on Sunday and was convinced that nothing would survive that! Hang on in there. I'm sending you loads of positive vibes!    

Mrs P... I had DIUI as I'm doing this as a solo mum by choice so this time I used the same donor for IVF and my eggs.  

Have a good evening everyone!

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi...CONGRATULATIONS hun..that's fantastic news     Im so, so pleased for you xxx

Jillyhen...Im so, so sorry that you are having a hard time atm. Im with you on that one!! Sometimes I think I worry myself into things going wrong-if thats possible? I have been told that cramping is normal especially after transfer as the body is adjusting to changes from meds etc. But, its so true that we learn to know our bodies best xxx

Im worrying atm as I am trying to build up my lining with progynova for a DE cycle next week, or early the week after. I've been having cramping everyday and bled quite a lot last weekend. I had a dy 10 scan on Tuesday which showed a tripple pattern lining and they couldnt work out where the bleeding had come from but said lining was ok although only 6mm. Im continuing with the meds, flying out to Spain on Saturday morning and new scan at clinic there on Monday.
It does my head in being so far from the clinic, they say lining ok yet Im cramping, thank goodness bleeding stopped, uk clinic said they would abandon. Already paid fortune for flights, thousands of euros to clinic etc, etc,

OMG...sorry Im really ranting here...sorry ladies.

Hope you are all ok...hey the sunshine is coming (as Im going) 

Vicky, Mrs P, Penelope, CKay and everyone else bighugs all around    
AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

Jilyhen - its hard to stay sane during the 2ww and i knew despite what everyone said that it hadnt worked after all this time i think we know our own bodies. Having said that don't give up hope just yet the cramping could be implantation.  

AJ sounds like its all a bit manic for you but at least it school hols now. Good luck with the scan on mon hope it goes okay. How's things a home and with ss situation??  

Tommy has the news sunk in yet? You've just had a wait and now have to wait another few weeks for your scan. It's never ending worry isn't it hun. Hope the time flies by.

Afm well I'm getting used to the fact ie got to wait another 6 months chosen new clinic so hope I get at least a consultant appt soon and have started looking into adoption. Ive taken, off my own back, clomid this month tht I still had at home you never know it might help although it never did before...I feel like I'm doing something to try to get pg.

Have a good weekend girls.

Xx


----------



## CKay

Tommi - just read news          yippeee!  You made it!
jilly - hoping cramping a good sign for as as Vicytick says.  

AJ - as long as Spanish clinic says it's OK then go with them.  I've read somewhere that the lining doesn't need to be as thick for a donor cycle, and you have a few more days for it to thicken up nicely.

Vickytick - we've also started to look into adoption I'm nearing all I can manage with IVF now.  I have prob about 2 rounds left in me max.  Hopefully the 6 months will fly by.

AFM - well we've cried and feel a bit better each day.  I think we're going to try a donor cycle in Spain and then I think that's about me done.  We've started looking into adoption and have an open evening in September.  DH not so keen as me so I don't know how it will all pan out.  Very tired today as drunk too much wine last night    needless to say I am not getting much work done!  Hugs all CKay xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

* head pops up from the paintbrushes*

Hello everyone!!!

Just to say a FABULOUS   to Tommi - So, so, so, so absolutely thrilled for you!!!!  Hope the weeks fly past til scan #1 and that you have a happy and healthy 9 months.

Haven't got time for other personals - but Vickytick, Jillyhen, CKay, AJ, PP a big hi to you out there!! Jillyhen - keeping my fingers crossed for 25th for you   

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you Mrs P and CKay!  

I hope all you ladies are having a lovely weekend. The sun was out today but I had an afternoon nap. Haven't ever experienced tiredness like it!

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

How's it going Tommi?  

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay. Can't wait to hear everyone's updates. Nothing going on for me. Dh is in NY for three weeks now so home alone quite liking it at the moment and my sister and family arrive on Sat which will be good.

Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi VickyTick,

Not much going on for me other than awaiting the AF that kicks off the monitoring cycle.  Packing now (as well as decorating) not sure which is more tedious!  Loving having the week back to myself though, my and DH are getting on better as a result - 7 weeks of permanent living together was, er, trying!!   But I do miss him - honest!

Have a lovely few days and hope you have a good time with your sister & family from the weekend,

Love MrsP
x


----------



## Tommi

Hi Vickytick - I'm doing OK thanks! I had another hgc test done and it had more than trebled in 48 hours which reassured me. How are you? I hope DH brings you some lovely presents from NY!

Happy packing MrsP!

Txx


----------



## CKay

Vickytick - make the most of the house while you can    how long is your sister staying with you?

Mrs P - you too!    hope AF comes soon for you.

Tommi - YAY good news for you glad all going well and trebling is a very good sign!

AFM - we have our appointment coming up at the Spanish clinic next week initial consultation so we shall see what they say.  Then it's a case of waiting for AF then don't know how long I'll be waiting before tx can start.  Guess we'll find that out next week CK xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks CKay!  Off to get YET MORE boxes!
Hi Tommi - that's just fab news - so happy for you!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

I thought i better tell you our news im got my   yesterday.. Still in shock and anxious after the last time.. Have slight brown spotting and cramps and of course sleep for ireland..

Tommi im sure yo are delighted..

Mrs P you are really doing things by half, decorating & packing..

Vicky how are you hun, i loved it when dh is away i get my head shared and the tv to myself!

ckay im sure you cant wait to get started again..

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Jillyhen that's fabulous news!  
Congratulations! We're only a few days apart!

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Yeay congratulations Jillyhen!!! Been waiting for your post all week!!!  

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks ladies

I dont think it has sunk in yet..

Jillyhen


----------



## CKay

Jilly -               well done for you xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Jilyhen - so pleased that we are getting some positive news on here. Huge congrats      fingers crossed for both you and tommi for a healthy 9 months.

Ckay good luck with appt next week.

Mrsp packing I hate that it's do tedious an it's amazing how you acculumate stuff isn't it. It's nice to have the house to myself. Sister is staying a week but feel a bit like a b&b. She's got so much planned she's hardly here. Harry potter world, Olympics tickets, wizard of oz show and the list goes on - lol. Heres hoping monitoring cycle goes well and af turns up soon.

Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Woooooowwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Jillyhen -  ^Congrats^ on that BFP!!!  Wicked news - here's to a happy and healthy 9 months.

Yey for both Tommi and Jilly - it's such great news, the sun is shining, the Olympics are here....!!

Vickytick - so you have visitors with Olympics tickets then?? We are going next Friday and Saturday - I'm meant to be trying to meet up with some people who are going to be around in London, but what with everything else going on in my head, it might be a plan too many LOL 

AFM - Well, just on time, blooming AF arrived around 4pm on Friday - so Saturday is counted as Day 1 so I'll be flying to get a blood test done and to arrange a scan 'a few days before ovulation', which is a giggle as I generally don't appear to be ovulating at all at the moment.  But, assuming it's based on when I would normally ovulate on a good month, that's day 13/14 which makes it the weekend of the move!!! But it is meant to be the day before.

DH was home this weekend, the last time he will be down whilst the house looks like 'ours'.  Having said this, he has spent most of the weekend in the garage sorting out his 'man stuff' into categories of car, gardening, tools and other DIY nonsense.  But it looks pretty good now.  He seems quite impressed as to how much of a mean machine I've turned into.  Honestly, the weight I can lift now - it's amazing when you just have to 'get on with it' what you can achieve'.  So anyway, til mid-week I will continue to pack - I'm optimistic of being just about finished by Tuesday, but we will see.  Then I'm going for some more blood tests next Friday (karyotyping & DH has a DNA fragmentation test..), Olympic'ing, picking up the keys for the new place, a bit of nesting in new place, go for a scan, travel back up here, last few tasks for moving (er, dismantle cooker from mains, ditto washing machine from plumbing), order some men and a van about(!) then by, I hope, the 11th I will be in Chelmsford doing the reverse - UNPACKING!!!!

So, I fully expect to be a shell of a woman 2 and a bit weeks from now - but hey, it's a break from the norm of working and stressing for that eh??

Anyway, more to do - wasn't the Opening Ceremony A-M-A-Z-I-N-G - I loved it, great vibe!

Take care everyone - lots of love
Mrs P
xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Evening ladies

Meant to post on here yesterday!
History is repeating itself  
I started bleeding on fri, bad cramps so had to go to the hospital scan showed a sac but 2 soon to see anything. Bloods where taken to check hcg levels, results back on sat 364.7.
Had to go tonite to get them repeated, I've been passing clots all day so I'm not very positive that they will double. 

I think if it's ends like my last preg I will be asking if I can be referred to see why I can't carry an embryo

Jillyhen x


----------



## Vickytick

Jilyhen sorry to hear about the bleeding. I hope it's eased up now . Definitely consider immunes testing as you can clearly get pg (with help obv) it might be the answer. Thinking of you. Xx

Mrsp blimey you are busy you make my little bit of decorating look silly. I agree once you know you hve to go it we get on with it. I do think thi process gives us a can do and won't give up attitude though. Good luck with it all. I'm the only person I know wo hasn't got Olympic tickets but tbh I'm not that interested too much other stuff on my brain...

Hi to everyone else.

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good morning all! 

JillyHen sorry to hear about the bleeding, I really hope that your blood results show that your hcg levels have doubled and that the bleeding is just your little embryo burrowing in. 

xxxx


----------



## CKay

jilly -   me too I'm with Penelope hope it's just that embie digging in deep.   Take care   CK


----------



## Jillyhen

Afternoon ladies

Just a quick log on... My hcg levels havent doubled but have risen from 365.7 to 528.6..

Fingers crossed my wee monkey is snuggling in tight..

have to go back tomorrow evening for more bloods.. Thankfully the bleeding is starting to ease

Jillyhen xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Yeay, great news on the rising levels Jilly. I have everything crossed for you!! Hang in there little embie!!! xxx


----------



## Tommi

Jilly I have everything crossed for you! That is great news on the HCG levels      
Txx


----------



## CKay

Jilly -    so pleased to hear it good for the little fighter!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello all

Thanks girls, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders..

Tommi how are you feeling??
Vicky hows the pup?

Mrsp i think you should come over to me and sort my house out..

If the bleeding isnt a miscarriage, what is causing it??
The nurse said today that they may scan me before friday..Fingers crossed..

Had my booking in appt with the midwife today, was seriously going to cancel it as i thought there was no point and i did say that to her.. Was glad i went now.. Im now the proud owner of a green maternity file.. Never thought i would see the day!!

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Jilly, the bleeding can be caused by implantation as this continues for a while after you get your bfp. I had some bleeding on and off for a few weeks after and had to have early scans. It is scary but hopefully the increase your hcg levels increasing are indicating that all is well!!! 

Yeay on the green file!!! I was so chuffed when we got our yellow one as I had longed for one of those for years!!! Little things??!!!

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Jilyhen it's scary esp for us because of what we've been through before we assume bleed = mc but that is not always the way. It can be implantation and also you think how many drugs we tke to increas the lining for IVF it' doesn't need all of it so some might come away? . Glad the numbers are rising that's the important bit.   for you for the next few weeks. Xx


----------



## Tommi

Jilly that's exciting about the midwife appointment! I decided to wait until after my 7 week scan to be referred but I'm wondering about that now! I'm so glad all is going well for you  

I feel surprisingly OK, to the point where I wonder if anything is going on at all  

Big hi to everyone else! I'm off to London now. Shame the sun has decided to hide!

Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Tommi

When the girl rang to arrange the appt she said if i couldnt attend that appt it would be september..She was lovely

Im back tonight for more bloods so another anxious 24 hours ahead..

The only symptoms i have is the aching (.)(.)!! Felt a bit nausous today tho so fingers crossed its a good sign..

Thanks for all the reassuring posts..

Jillyhen


----------



## A J

Jillyhen...just a quickie to tell you I have everything crossed for you xxx

Im in Alicante atm. Ed was on Monday donor had 10 eggs, 7 fertilised so going to clinic for an uppdate tomorrow. Tx by saturday hopefully.
DH had to go back to work so Im staying and enjoying the sunshine all by myself.

I will update as soon as I can.

Love and hugs to you all
AJ xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Aw Aj

Thats sounds bliss..

My levels are now up to 820!!

Im a bit confused as to how far on i am!! Do you count form last af or date of e/c??

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Great news Jillyhen!! Cant remember when they count from but think you are 4 weeks on your OTD.


----------



## A J

Hi all,

Jillyhen...how are you doing hun? xx

Well I'm back from Spain with 2 dy5 embryos on board and cant stop the same old, same old symptom checking even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. I blooming hate the lower cramping that always comes along for the ride...I know its from the meds but its awful when you think af is on its way and I'm only at the beginning of the 2ww. At least I get an early test date 13/8 by blood (which I hate) or 2 dys later by hpt. I will do both.

Cant believe this weather here....yesterday I was on the beach 35degrees...today rainy Wales! Too much time on my hands is my problem now that its the school hols but at least I can give my body some rest time. Loving being back with my dog though as 16 days without him was far too long!!   DH came back 5 days before me and I quite enjoyed being away by myself, I had a hire car and got myself a lovely suntan too.

I will have a good read through everyones posts later and do some personals too. Sending you all big hugs xxx


----------



## CKay

AJ - being away sounds nice and bet your glad to be back.  How was seeing pooch after so long - I missed ours while we were away we got a lovely greeting when we got home xxxx


----------



## A J

Yeah the pooch hasnt stopped watching me and following me around everywhere! I think its time to take him for a walk down the beach...dressed a bit different than the beach I was on yesterday though 
AJxx


----------



## Vickytick

AJ best of luck for the dreaded   I think it's the worse part of it all. I can cope with injecting - just lol - but waiting no way I'm so not patient. I also did exactly what you are promised I'd take it in my stride but was worse than the first cycle. Everything crossed for you  . Shame you didn't bring the weather back with you Hun. But a walk on a beach is still very refreshing enjoy.

How our pg ladies are doing well and resting up.

Hello to all the other lovely ladies.

Afm just waiting for frid when dh finally returns. I took my clomid this month but bfn as expected. I've still got some so might try again. I'm waiting for Barts to tell me they're had my notes transferred to them from the old clinic and heard nothing. Not sure if i should chase really as I'm not due to cycle again until dec.


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi girls,

Jillyhen - how you getting on my lovely - hoping all is ok, sounds encouraging, I've got my arms, legs and fingers crossed for you  

AJ - Oh the wonder of the 2WW - it's such a hard time.  Hope you are ok and enjoying the sunshine (there's been a tiny bit the last few days)...

Everyone - oh yes, I am open to offers for house clearing, decorating and generally moving house planning!!   

AFM - bit shattered today.  Olympics was blooming FANTABULOUS - but tiring.  Got train down south on Thursday, Karyotyping/DNA frag Friday morning, Olympic stadium Friday evening, Olympic Park all day Saturday, Womens Marathon & sight seeing Sunday, Immune tests / monitoring scan Monday morning, Meet up with cousin on Monday afternoon, pick up keys for new pad today (where I'm writing this) and suddenly my head and body aren't working!!!  I feel SO tired and I've got to travel back up North tomorrow to arrange/order the removal men around, drive back south Thursday and our stuff arrives Friday.  I need some energy - other than sleep - any offers of advice??

Clinic was ok, but immunes was 18 vials of blood which probably is why I've conked out today.  Plus they checked my blood pressure (I have probs with that, but also suffer from white coat where anyone approaching me with a blood pressure monitor sends me loopy)... it was high - 154/93 both times but it was chaos in there - I had it taken in reception for goodness sake!!  Just hoping some sleep gets me sorted for the next 48 hours as they are going to be mega hectic!

Landlady has left us a moving in bottle of Merlot - I'd sink the lot but we're both off alcohol at the moment as treatment MIGHT start this month.  Which, crazy as it sounds, I hadn't thought about  ?  What really, the madness begins again so soon    So I'm wondering if I could decide to delay one month to recover from the move.  I'm just annoyed I feel so wretched, I'd been doing fine until today!

Right - off to find somewhere to food shop - or get a kip - not sure which...

Love
MrsP
xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Sadly our ivf journey is over..

I had to go up for a scan to the clinic last fri and straight away when i said to the consultant about the levels he said straight away that it sounded as if i was starting to miscarry, did a scan and there was a empty sac.  
We are both devastated.. No more ivf for us!!

I think its time to be asking questions as to why this has happened again.. There must be issues with me keeping the embryos..
Have enquired about adoption again..

Mrsp, gosh you are a busy bee

Aj when do you test??

Vicky how are you hun?

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

So sorry to hear your news Jillyhen    What an incredibly difficult thing to go through. I hope that the experts can give you some answers and a way forward. I have heard great things about Penny at Serum in Athens. I emailed her a while back after one of my failed treatments and got some great advice from her. I really hope that you can work out next steps soon  

Take good care of yourself.

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Jillyhen, I am so so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you and hubby. I know there are no words that will comfort you or make things any easier but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. 

Sending big big hugs to you both   

xxxxxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Jillyhen* so so sorry to hear your news. I know that as Penelope has said nothing we saw will ease that pain or provide real comfort but my heart does go out to you. Its so cruel to be give that glimmer of hope an have it taken away from you.  

*Mrsp* you sound really busy perhaps delaying it might give you a chance to be mentally prepared rather thn rushed? Either way bet of luck with the moving this week it's horrible getting somewhere to feel like home.

*Aj* hope you are getting through the days.

Xx


----------



## CKay

Jilly -     so sorry to read your post.  I've had some tests done with a Dr in London and Penny @ Serum who Tommi wrote about.  Anything I can help with let me know.

Mrs P - goodness what a few days, and all that blood!  No wonder you feel tired!  Hope you feel a little recovered by now.

AFM - started mock cycle today more oestrogen for me, I can already feel my jeans splitting at the seams


----------



## MrsPootle

*Jillyhen* - so sorry to hear your news honey - I really want you to know I'm thinking of you at this difficult time. It's such a horrid thing to go through, I remember it like yesterday when I had my miscarriage early on. Please take it easy and give yourself time. I'm getting some tests done to see why I can't seem to get things to stick - so if you want, at a later date, just ask me and I'll let you know more if you are interested.

*Vickytick* - Yeah, I'm thinking a delay might be good. Plus, as I was staring around the new place this morning, we haven't got nearly enough storage, so it will give me some time to sort all that out. You know with nice things, not just functional cheap tat!!! That's what I did with the old house  Have you heard 'owt from Barts yet?

*AJ* - Hope the days are flying by for you, if you were on my timeline for packing, then you'd feel like it was going at lightning speed!

*CKay* - Yep, feeling better today - hope you are ok and aren't fit to burst yet!!

*Tommi & PP* - hope you are both ok too.

MrsP
x


----------



## A J

Jillyhen...I'm so, so sorry sweetheart that this has happened to you. I dont have the right words so sending you a massive hug    be kind to yourself. Infertility is cruel xx

I'm feeling very low today...cramping on and off which is really worrying me. I know I had it on each of my cycles where I got pregnant but they all ended in m/c. Why should this be any different? I was hoping that I would feel some tenderness in my breasts by now but nothing.
Fertility counselling with DH tomorrow I know I will end up in tears..with all these blooming pills and injections rattling my cage. If this cycle doesn't work I will go straight for the frozen cycle...I really feel desperate at times especially when theres another birthday round the corner.

Sorry to be so negative my lovely ladies
AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Just thought I'd send a little   AJ, this malarky never gets any easier does it?  I'd recommend a good bawl, either at counselling or out - a 'bonus bawl' as I like to call it - always makes me feel a little bit better afterwards.  Try not to look forward too much, try to keep in the present, sometimes that helps me - it's hard though!

Right - more blooming boxes for me - they ain't gonna pack themselves.  Then I have to dismantle a bed and disconnect a cooker!  Remind me in what way is this easier than working 9-5?  Looking forward to a treat of chinese takeaway and hockey if I ge tit all done by 8pm!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ,

Sending you a huge   . Hope these feelings pass. I found my counselling sessions really helped especially during the 2ww. I dont  think you would be normal is you didnt feel this way. 

xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Just sending hugs to Jillyhen and AJ   

Hi to everyone else - hope all's well in your worlds!

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*Jillyhen and an* how are you ladies? Been thinking about you both over the last couple of days. I hope you are both getting through it all with support.

*Mrsp* how's the move going filled all your boxes yet?

*Ckay* how's the mock cycle going?

*Tommi* how's the pg going? All good I hope Hun.

Hello to pp and everyone else.

Can you believe we are actually nearer this Xmas than the last one now. V scary eh.


----------



## A J

Hi all..yeah Vicky thats right it is closer to next Crimbo than the last...thats nuts!! Hope your ok hun? xx

Hows everyone doing...Olympics over and all that. To be honest I didn't see a lot of it. I was in Spain for the beginning and didn't get into it when I got back. Saw lots of the highlights though which were fantastic...well done Team GB  

I'm feeling such a mixture of things atm. I had 2  DE embies transfered in Spain on Sat 4th Aug otd was yesterday. I hid a sneaky hpt on Friday which was positive and a stronger positive on Sunday. I'm waiting for blood results to come through later today which I have to have redone on Thursday and again twice next week. I HATE those things!! 
But, despite being happy that I am pg again exactly the same thing has started to happen as in the last ones. Spotting and cramping     . This time the cramping is not too bad and seems like what is to be expected from the meds but the brown spotting which has been every morning since Saturday and lasts until approx 11 am is scaring the life out of me....here we go again!! I dont know how much more of this I can take with my emotions all over the place...

Sorry for me post...

Hugs to each and everyone of you

AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* congrats on your  that is such good news. I really hope the crampingnd spotting is just implantation but I can completly understand your concern given your history.   for you Hun that this is your time. Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good afternoon all! 

Sending you tentative congratulations AJ!! As Vickytick says I hope that the spotting is just implantation but I can compeltley understand your apprehension. Ive got everything crossed that those HCG levels carry on rising and that those little embryos stick this time!!! 

Jillyhen, how are you? I have been thinking of you and hope that you and hubby are looking after one another and taking some time out for yourselves. 

Tommi, Mrs Pottle, how are you? 

CKay how is the mock cycle going. Hope those jeans didnt burst!!! 

Hope everyone else is ok and I havent missed anyone. 

xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Ladies,

Well I'm nice and settled into the new house.  New job is UNPACKING boxes....

AJ - Great news on your BFP, can understand your concern but I really am    this is the one to stick.  Will keep sending those positive vibes to you xx

Vickytick - OMG - you are right - we are now closer to next Xmas.  I was in the Card Factory yesterday and there was a Xmas aisle ALREADY!!! What, what, what?!  Hope you are ok, weren't you decorating?  How's it going? xx

PP, CKay, Jillyhen and Tommi - hope all is well with you xx

AFM - Bit of a whirlywind this week.  Was feeling very up, and finished my monitoring cycle with the ARGC yesterday.  But they rang in the afternoon wanting to arrange a consultation.  I explained we'd had a million billion tests (well, it feels like it) so I want to have the consultation after they are back.  She said ok, how about next week.  I said - but some of these tests take 4-6 weeks to come back and she said that x test and y test haven't come back yet but don't really affect the protocol decision anyway. So I'm meant to be going on 24th.  They'd wanted to do this Friday but I told them to sod off as it's my birthday - it will be the first time in 4 years that I haven't spent it in hospital or on treatment and I wasn't gonna let them spoil it.  Then they also happened to add that the doc needs to talk about my blood pressure.  Thanks.  That'll make it shoot up!! Basically it was a bit high, and ARGC seem to be funny about this as they don't have a full medical unit on standby.  Never mind the common sense approach that nothing bad has happened before in 3 cycles and my continual pleading that this is normal for me - tell me you are about to take my blood pressure and I'll get anxious.  So I suspect that I'm gonna be forced to try to get the doc to put me on higher tabs, although last time I asked they wouldn't do it as my home readings are fine.  Sorry to go on, but it's just put me in a bad old mood.

So *slaps smile on face and grits teeth*, everything really is ok - honest guv  

In the meantime, nesting in the new home is lovely.  Apart from the minor disagreements with DH over cushions (why do we need more he says, she says because they are the wrong colour) and a bit of a feet-finding mission now we are living together with different roles (he breadwinner, me mega-moaner).  Spending most of my birthday in solitary confinement whilst he works during the day, but plan to go shopping and possibly get a facial somewhere.  But we are going out for a meal in the evening.

Sorry - longer than intended.  Hope everyone is ok out there xx

MrsP
xx


----------



## Vickytick

*MrsP the moving things around the new home should be the fun part. I just add house extras as a done deal then dh can't say anything...I know why you mean about roles. I'm a housewife these days and find it frustrating as I was a manager at work earning a v good salary with responsibility so being at home washing and cooking is hard sometimes. Feel v unfulfilled diff if I had a baby though. I get jealous of dh talking about work as we both worked in the same industry. Good news about your appt though not such about your blood pressure. Are they really that fussy about blood pressure etc at ARGC.? Sounds a bit unfair as you say it's normal for you. I thought that was the good thing about that place is they treat everyone as individuals. How do you find getting to appts as its quite intense regime there isn't it?

Hope everyone else is good.

AFM finished decorating for now. We've got building work going on which is a nightmare with an inquisitive puppy - lol. Once thats done more painting for me. Heard from new clinic Barts to say they have referral they're now checking something out with my pct. sounds ominous bu hoping its okay. Roll on dec. say or ttc to start again.

Xx*


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!

How is everyone? 

AJ any news flower? Hoping that your HCG levels are on the increase??!! 

Jillyhen, hope you are looking after yourself? 

Mrs P, dont blame you for not wanting any appointment on your birthday!! I hope that ARGC listen to you about your blood pressure and you don't have to go to GP for higher dose tablets.  

Vickytick, we've had the joy of decorating with a nosey puppy....fun huh??!!! 

AFM, just found out that sis-in-law has gone for IVF because jealous of our bfp and is now pregnant. I have very mixed feelings about this as after our hard journey to get our bfp I still feel resentful of people who take the gift of pregnancy for granted and I wish all you lovely ladies could get your dreams come true as you all truly deserve it. Life feels very unfair sometimes. 

xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Hello ladies

Sad news from me. I had my 8 week scan on Thursday and there was no longer a heartbeat there. I am totally devastated. I will be having an ERPC first thing on Monday morning.

I'm sorry for the me post. I will catch up with everyone soon.

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi...Im so, so sorry sweetheart that this has happened to you...so, so unfair. I pray   that you have the strength you need to get you through this weekend     
AJxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Tommi, please dont apologise for a 'me post'. I am so so sorry to hear your news, I hope you have good and friends and family around you to help you through this. Sending you big big hugs   

xxx


----------



## CKay

Oh Tommi I'm so sorry take good care of yourself over the next few days and weeks.  I will be thinking of you on Monday


----------



## Vickytick

*Tommi* so sorry to hear your news . Huge hugs to you both. This journey is unbelievable cruel sometimes. Nothing I say will ease your pain but I'm thinking of you. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Tommi, really sorry to hear your news.  This path is such a difficult one.  Like everyone else, I am thinking of you.  Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve.  Hugs Mrs P xxx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much ladies    I really appreciate your support and kind words.
Txx


----------



## A J

Thinking of you today Tommi    AJ xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls


Sorry ive been awol for a few days..

Form hasnt been great..

Tommi im so sorry hun..  

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Jilly, totally understandable that you are not in a good place at the moment. Please pm if you want a rant flower. My virtual ear is always available!! Sending giant welsh cwtches. I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking some time away from everything. 

Tommi, thinking of you. Hope someone is looking after you after yesterday. 

xxxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi ladies,

Just thinking of Tommi and Jillyhen - hope you are being well looked after since the news last week.

I'm back in Liverpool and AF is rearing her VERY ugly head... think it will be a few days and BAM - it will be here.  Why oh why is it that tracking ovulation just makes you more hopeful when you DO ovulate and more cranky when you don't, as a result, conceive.  In the words of some comedy genius - 'It's SO unfair'.

Got my follow-up appt at the ARGC on Friday - bit nervous about it all.  Bit worried all our test results won't be in.  It's the lack of control that gets to me    But *screws positive head on* it means it's likely that cycle #4 and whatever that has in store is around the corner.  It's the last - nothing like pressure huh?  But I'm trying to be relaxed - and most of the time I am - as long as no-one with a blood pressure monitor comes near me!

Anyway, feel I'm being very trivial when others are having such a rough time. Just a tiny bit down and apprehensive today.

Love MrsP xx


----------



## A J

Tommi and JillyHen...been thinking bout you both   xx

Bit of a me one again I'm afraid...but thats exactly it I am AFRAID!!   Bleeding again   bit of spotting last night but the real stuff this morning. Hospital wont do a scan until I'm 6 weeks (5 days to go) so have had more bloods done. I'm sick of going there now and wondering how many arms and nurses it will take this time-only one of each today...she was great, and I told her.
If this pregnancy isn't going to work, then I just want to know. All this waiting is driving me nuts!!! Or nuttier!!! Fed up of laying on the settee, crying then having a day or so of feeling good again...when will it all end?
Mrs P...I wish I had a positive head like you to screw on today  

Hi to everyone else that I have been too wrapped up in me to mention    

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Mrs Pootle,

Understand your nerves about the appointment coming up but hopefully all your tests results will be back and they can put a plan in place for your last cycle. 

My favourite saying when we were ttc was 'lifes not fair', and its not its true. I also turned into 'Del boy' from Only Fools and Horses as I kept saying to my hubby "this time next year........"!!! 

AJ, sorry to hear that you are still having a rough time of it. I truly hope that the bloods indicate that embryo is continuing to implant and grow and hang on until you can have your scan in a few days time.  Has the clinic upped your progesterone. When I had bleeding at the beginning I had to take more Cyclogest. I know you are probably already doing everything you can and I hope that Im not coming across as patronising. 

Sending everyone a big big hug. 

xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much for your kind words ladies    I have had my ERPC cancelled twice now. And I know it definitely won't happen today. I've had two consultants and a registrar tell me that I'm high risk having had IVF, age etc and being sure that I definitely want to try again and apparently I should have a consultant to do the procedure to reduce the risks of complications. But the ward doesn't seem to want to make that happen. I seem to be caught in the middle of a power battle between the nurses and the doctors. I'm wondering now whether I should just wait for things to happen naturally although I've been told that can be a traumatic experience. Sadly all three of those docs who have been fighting for me are now on holiday although one has given me his mobile number and told me to contact him any time. My GP is on holiday too. The ward has said the only way I can have a consultant do the procedure is if I pay. 

If I was less emotional I think I'd probably feel that this treatment is appalling but I actually feel quite numb with it all. I did end up losing it with the ward sister yesterday and told her she had no idea how stressful it is to know your baby has died, to not be bleeding and to know you have IVF in front of you again and to have people at the hospital say different things    The reason the first ERPC was cancelled was because the ward didn't give me a pessary in advance of the op so when I got to theatre the doc said he couldn't operate because of the risk of damage to my cervix and uterus. There followed a heated discussion between the ward nurse and doc, one either side of the trolley I was lying on. The nurses think I shouldn't have the pessary and the docs think I should. All the info I have looked at on line and all the women on this site say that a pessary is normal. I cannot understand why there's such a fundamental disagreement on the ward and why it isn't resolved. Even the info sheet they gave me states that's normal procedure and when I showed it to the nurse she said "Oh this is just a national info sheet".

I'm now looking at other hospitals. It's a week since my baby died and my miscarriage hasn't been managed at all. I feel like I'm spiraling downhill. I'm sorry for the rant. I just never thought this part of the process would be so hard. 

AJ - I'm really sorry to hear that you have been bleeding   I hope the hospital is reassuring and I have everything crossed for a positive outcome    I know what you mean about having bloods done. I had a junior doc do mine for the pre op and she tried twice in one arm, twice in the other and twice in one hand before going back to the first arm. When she eventually found blood she hadn't secured the needle properly so the blood poured down my arm and onto the pillow it was resting on rather than into the syringe (she was using tubing and a syringe - never seen that before). She then cleaned me up and the pillow but she didn't wear gloves for any of it. When I asked her about that she said I wasn't high risk. I was stunned. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts    

Jillyhen -  

Mrs P - all the very best for your appointment  

Big hugs to everyone else. You're a great support. Thank you  

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommi, 

Oh my god I cannot believe you are receiving such appalling care. I am so sorry that you having to endure such a traumatic experience. I hope that you can have your ERPC very soon so that you can start dealing with everything and moving on. Thinking of you sweetie and I really hope that you start getting the treatment that you deserve.   

AJ, how are you? 

Jilly hen  

HI to everyone else, hope you are all well?


----------



## A J

Tommi...oh sweetheart...Im so, so angry and upset that you have had to endure this on top of everything. It should never be allowed to happen. I really hope they have got their act together and give you the care that you deserve    

AJxx


----------



## Vickytick

Tommi I am also actually lost for words. What an appalling way to deal with someone experiencing such a loss. Amazing such lack of care from our nhs...to tell you to pay is outrageous. I feel for you. I pray you get it sorted out soon.  

AJ sorry to hear that you've been spotting. I really hope it's not going to be bad news Hun and fingers, toes everything crossed for you.  

Jilly never feel guilty for having time out or feeling low it's natural with this horrific process. Hoping you are feeling a bit better about the future. X

Mrsp I know what you mean I'm a control freak and hate that I can't control any part of thi process of my body. It's definitely a warped sense of fairness out there. It's hard enough getting pg though IVF but to have it taken away is just wrong. Certainly enough to send us   Hope the appt goes well

PP hope you are well Hun.

Bit of a low one at the moment for this board so sending huge hugs out   and prayers things get better for all you lovel ladies.

Xxxxx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much ladies. I'm now booked to have it done privately tomorrow evening by one of the consultants from my clinic. I feel very reassured by her. It is costly (£2,000) but at this stage there's no limit to what I would pay to get it done in a caring environment.

AJ - I hope everything is OK with you. It is a stressful time  

  Group hug time! I hope we all have some very positive news soon    

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi...I cant believe you have been forced into having to pay for this. It really is a disgrace but I'm glad that you have found someone that you will feel at ease with...Sending you a big hug   and lots of love xx

My hcg levels are still doubling which is reassuring- I just want the bleeding episodes and on/off spotting to stop. Scan booked for Tuesday.

Anyone got plans for the Bank Hol weekend? We are off somewhere in the campervan for a couple of nights. We wanted to drive from South Wales to Scotland but dont think its a good idea atm as I'm trying to get as much rest as possible so maybe just down to West Wales. My furry baby loves going...he has a little basket in there and sleeps under our bed, when he's not on the front seat on guard duty.

Vicky...how's your little puppy doing? xx

Mrs P...how's Liverpool? I love that city. We had our last campervan trip there. It was where DH went to uni so he loves to reminisce every now and again xx

PP, JillyHen, Ckay and all my other lovely friends...hope you are all doing ok?

I love the way this thread has stuck together...we have seen each other through loads    
AJxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Tommi - really hope that today goes ok - I am absolutely speechless at the treatment you've had to endure on top of everything else.  It really is NOT right at all.  Sending you a big hug and hoping that today at least gives you some closure to the current stress  

AJ - Liverpool was cool - bawled my eyes out when I left yesterday!  Honestly.  Hormones!!  Bawled my eyes out when I got to my new home again too    How are you?  Good to hear the hcg levels are doubling - I really hope this works out for you xxx

PP & Vickytick - Yes - I'm just trying to focus on the fact that today, I will find out a few more things about my infertility. And I've been practicing taking my blood pressure and breathing deeply - so I may have cracked it if they bring that pesky monitor out!

Jillyhen - just another hug for you   really hope you are ok x

AFM - at the stage of 'just wanting whatever news the consultation brings' really.  I've developed a whoppa head cold that is making me feel rather ill - but on the plus side - it seems to have knocked all intentions of worry out of me too    Trying to decide whether I have the energy to cycle to the station - it will keep my temp down if nothing else - ha, ha!  Can't take ANY remedies as - guess what - they boil my blood pressure if I do.  Nuts.  But chirpiness prevails.  Will let you know how I get on.  Better get packed actually....

Love
MrsP
x


----------



## CKay

Tommi - I just wanted to give you a big      it made me so sad reading how things have gone for you.  What an awful experience on top of miscarrying.  I hope today goes well and you have someone doing the ERPC that you know and have confidence in.  

Mrs P - Hope appointment with ARGC goes well for you today - keep us posted    


Jillyhen -    to you thinking of you.

AJ - good news on numbers     

Vicky and PP     

AFM - mock cycle going OK I'm on day 16 now I had a lining scan on day 13 and it was only 5.2mm not good    I've been gluggling pineapple juice and only hope it thickens by Tuesday for my day 21 scan.  Why oh why do I have to have lining problems on top of everything else - sorry to bleat.  CKay xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

CKay - hello hun, I'll be doing 'thick lining dances' (like raindances) for you for the next few days - keep glugging the pineapple juice - aren't brazil nuts meant to be good too?

Well - I'm back from the dreaded appointment.  All good really (in a bad kinda way - you'll see what I mean).  At long last, I have had the diagnosis I suspected for years - I have various immune issues (NK, thyroid and TnF) which coupled with a lack of ovulation means my chances have pretty much been scuppered from the outset.  This is, bizarrely, a huge relief!  I burst into tears on OH when we left - partly of joy - I said - I'm not going mad, there has been something wrong with me all this time and now we know what it is.  Anyway, got the joys of Humira to come... amongst other weird and wonderful drugs, this would take 5-12 weeks before starting, then I'll be on the short protocol - no downregging - hurrah!  OH passed his tests with flying colours, and our chromosomes have no issues.

And the blood pressure - I took an extra tablet before I went in, did deep breathing whilst sitting in the waiting room - he didn't take it after all of that!  He said it was ok - he wanted to check the 'nervous rate' wasn't a rocketing sky high one.  He just said keep on with the meds, no increase required, which was good.

Anyway, back to bed for me - just big old sinus pain - but at least I can take something for it now without fear of high bp woes!!!

xx


----------



## CKay

Mrs P - so glad you have some answers now.  I know it must feel like a relief to have things explained.  Hope cold going away by now.


----------



## A J

MrsP...Im so glad that they have given you some answers. I'll bet its a great relief...now you can move on with renewed hopes xxx

Ckay...praying chick that your lining gets thicker. I was cramming down the brazil nuts during my last tx. I suffer from lining issues as well. On my last mock cycle it never got past 6mm so on the actual one I didnt expect it to thicken either but amazingly it did. Mine is different everytime...no rhyme or reason. Amazing things happen...even in a few days...xx

AJxx


----------



## CKay

AJ - it's a pain isn't it.  I've got up to 8mm once but never since.  Just off out to but some brazils xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all! 

Hope everyone is having a nice bank hol weekend? 

Tommi, I am utterly speechless that you have had to pay for an ERPC but I am glad you are finally getting the treatment that you should have had in the beginning. I hope that the procedure went as well as it could and that you are looking after yourself and not going through this alone. Sending you big  .

Jillyhen, thinking of you hun. Sending you a big  .

CKay, good luck with the brazils and pineapple juice, I have everything crossed that it will work and you will have a nice thick lining!! 

Mrs Pootle, I am sorry to hear that they have found that you have immune issues but on the bright side at least they have identified the problem and they can work on putting it right for you and get you closer to getting that long awaited bfp   !!! I hope you are feeling better today and that pesky cold is on its way out. 

AJ, how are you? Great news on the increasing HCG levels. I am   that this embryo stays put and you can start to enjoy being pregnant. Good luck with the scan on Tuesday.  

  to Vickytick and anyone else I may have missed. 

xxxxxxx


----------



## Tommi

Mrs P - That sounds like a big relief to have finally got some answers. I wish you lots of luck with the treatment. Many women have success once underlying issues are treated. Penny at Serum in Athens seems to be very good with immune issues.  

Jillyhen - how are you doing?  

CKay - lots of luck for a super lining! I hope the scan goes well   

AJ - how are things going? I have everything crossed    

PP, Vickytick and everyone - thank you so much for all your kind words. The ERPC went really well and the care was amazing. I did have to stay in as my blood pressure dropped too low so I was put on a drip and told not to move! The nursing care was fantastic and although it was expensive, I'm so pleased I had that level of care after losing all confidence in my local EPU. I still need to get my blood pressure up a bit - at least get that upper number above 100. Not on painkillers now but still feel quite tearful. I guess that will take time. It just feels like a different stage - last week was all about trying to sort out an ERPC and now it's done it feels very final. All a bit strange until I can try again.

I hope you all have a good day today  

Txx


----------



## CKay

Tommi - big hugs to you   I'm glad the ERPC was the best experience it could be for you.  Hope the next few days are OK for you take good care of yourself.

AJ - I'm also off to a SPanish clinic did they suggest anything to thicken lining?  I think I've had all under the sun but just wondering.

AFM - last lining scan today and it's much the same only around 5.2 mm, not good news.  Pictures sent to clinic so we'll see what they say. Just wondering if we should give it all up at the mo and move to adoption.  This is all so hard.


----------



## Tommi

Thank you CKay    
Sorry to hear about your scan - see if the clinic has any good ideas. There are so many hurdles aren't there? Big hugs for you    I hope the clinic gets back to you quickly.
Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

CKay - sorry to hear about your scan - like Tommi says - perhaps the clinic will have some ideas? It's such a hard journey   x

Tommi - glad that you got some good treatment, I'm still speechless on your behalf.  Hope you have a few easier days now.  I'll send you some of my higher BP vibes if you like! x

AJ - How you getting on? x

PP - Hope you are well x

AFM - All ok here.  Cold was the worst I've had in a long, long time (hey, where are your immune thingys when you want them to attack)!  Started to read up about what is planned.  Decided I won't read too much as I just end up worrying!  I feel there is renewed hope, but it's hard to stay grounded.  I think my body is just about trying everything it can to not let me get pregnant and I shouldn't lose sight of that.  Sounds negative, but I'm just trying to protect myself really    Looking forward to another crack at it though.

Weather has been glorious today, but I haven't done much with it.  Still quite tired and had lots of housework (the glamour) to do and paperwork for both the houses to sort.  Haven't even started on the latter.  Going out for tea with a girl I've met in my new area, which should be great, but I'm just a bit knackered really.

Looking at trying some GI way of eating as this should help my issues.  But instead just feel like devouring lots of choc!!!  But that's AF for you too.

Right, I'm rambling now - better get on,

Lots of love to you all,

MrsP
xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi to everyone back home now   to not so sunny England.

Just catching up on everyone's updates at the moment.

Tommi - glad the erpc went well. I had mine private after giving up with local epu I even complained formally but it was a waste of time. Anything that can make a horrible experience better is good. The diff in bedside manner was amazing. It's hard as you want to start immediately don't you.

Ckay - hope the lining was good enough or the clinic have ideas for you to help. Fingers crossed Hun.

AJ - how are you still hanging in there I hope. Everything crossed for you  

Mrsp - sounds like you are busy and settling in whih is good. Finding the immune issues is half the battle.

Penelopepitstop - how are you Hun.

Xx


----------



## Tommi

MrsP - we could swap blood pressure vibes! Wouldn't it be good if things worked out like that?! I have a very low TSH result too if anyone needs to reduce theirs?! I've been thinking about the low GI diet too. I've got some of Patrick Holford's books. Met him at a talk a few years ago and really liked his approach. I just need to learn more about it. Let us know how you get on.

Vickytick - sorry to hear you had the same experience with your EPU. I'd like to think I'm not too needy, but it left me feeling like I'd been kicked while I was down. The difference in the private hospital was incredible. I can understand having to wait longer on the NHS but surely quality of care is something that everyone should have access to? Having been carefully nursed through the low blood pressure, fluid drip and high temperature, I dread to think what would have happened if I'd just waited to see what the EPU could do especially as they had told me that if the doc insisted I had a pessary I would have to pick it up from the ward and find somewhere to do it myself    I think I will make a complaint at some stage but I really wouldn't expect it to go anywhere. But just passing it on to someone will do me good. 

CKay - any news?  

AJ - hope all is going well   

Jillyhen - hope you're doing OK  

Big hugs to everyone else. Have a good day. Sun is out here for a little while at least.

Txx


----------



## CKay

Tommi and AJ - I also had ERPC at EPAU it was a horrible and  very unsympathetic experience.  Sadly I then got an infection and developed dreadful scar tissue which later affected IVF so I reckon you both did the right thing, although painful at the time.  

Phonecall with clinic tomorrow morning we're going to try Trental for lining (had before and it got to 8mm) so here's hoping.  We'll see I think one more try for us and then we need to think of other ways we can be parents.  Started to look into adoption so we'll see.  Hope everyone OK I'm so glad you're all here at the moment! Like minded and we've all been through it a bit haven't we.


----------



## Tommi

CKay what a dreadful experience! What is with these places?! I was initially angry about having to devote money to it but the difference in care was worth every penny. I hope that your plan for your lining works quickly    Everything crossed for you     
Txx


----------



## A J

CKay...Trental worked for me on a frozen tx. I took it the day before tx and I cant remember by exactly how much it increased the lining but it was enough to get a bfp. It increases blood flow to the endometrium. Good luck chick xx

Isn't it amazing how we have so many unbelievable stories at the hands of nhs clinics. I know their hands are often tied but surely it is part of the training to have some sense of compassion, courtesy and common sense?? 

AJxx


----------



## Tommi

AJ - I totally agree about the NHS clinics. The things that would have made my experience more tolerable cost nothing. It's not about resources, it's about having the will to be compassionate because everything will follow from that. It makes me sad to think that so many in the NHS have lost that, or never had it. The best thing they can do is get another job, or at least do some CPD in hospitals that have got it right so they can witness how it's done.

Good luck with the trental CKay!    

Txx


----------



## CKay

Thanks Tommi and AJ - AJ did you take Trental from ET or from day 1?  I'm taking from day 1, 1 a day to start think I might need 2 a day.
AFM - doing another mock cycle with Trental so I can relax    let's see how it goes this month then hopefully we can get on with it next month!


----------



## Tommi

Good luck with it all CKay  
Txx


----------



## Vickytick

How are we all ladies?

*Tommi* - The complaint wasn't really looked at and I'm a bit worried that if I ever get pg that the hospital might be funny with me as I've complained. I think the staff were lovely but it was the actual sonographer who was appalling she told me one minute I was pg with twins then I had a clot but not to worry. It was a joke but she is actually one of the maternity staff so that worries me slightly. Mind you I've got to get pg first so why worry at the moment.. It just made me feel better to have aired my views officially. Hope you are feeling better. Physically I found it took longer to recover from the ERPC than a 'normal' mc which I don't understand but there you go...

*Ckay* - Good luck with the mock cycle. I see a lot of ladies on here have these. I assume they are looking to see how your body reacts?? so they can tailor the actual cycle and have a better success rate?

*Mrsp* - what a social butterfly you've made new friends already you must tell me your secret. Its the one thing I miss from not working having that social contact and I'm trying to find social drop in groups but guess what its all baby or toddler groups. Can't really turn up think I might look like a baby snatcher...lol

Hope ALL our girlies are doing okay and here's to a good week. Its hubby's birthday today so once ss dropped off back to mum we are off out. Nowhere special unfortunately due to tightening of purse strings but it will be nice as we are going to be daring and have a bottle of wine breaking our rules for the night..shussh don't tell anyone.

xx


----------



## A J

CKay...I took Trental from the day before transfer. I had a day 11 scan which was 5.9mm I think and went to Spain a few days later for transfer. They rescanned me when I got there and it was still the same so gave me Trental from that day and I had the transfer the next. Hopefully they can start you at the beginning then you will have an excellent chance of a great lining. Fingers crossed xx
With my last fresh transfer they decided to start me off with more progynova so I did 4mg from the start,6mg from day 6-9 and then 8mg to transfer. Transfer was actually day 24 in the end so my lining had increased to 9.8 by then.

Im struggling a bit atm. Scan didn't show what they would expect at the dates I am so rescan in 2 weeks. At 6weeks 1 day sac but no fetal pole yet and I am still spotting and on/off bleeding. A trip to A & E yesterday was really unhelpful. The couldn't rescan me and said that if bleeding got heavier they would admit me calling it a threatened miscarriage. I think I knew much more about m/c than the duty doctor who felt my tummy and asked me if I was constipated?? Bleeding has passed off today but Im certainly not hopeful at this stage. I just want to know now either way  

Hi to everyone I hope you are all doing ok? I cant believe its September already...the countdown to Christmas will be starting again before we know it. Bah Humbug!!

AJxx


----------



## CKay

Thanks AJ - that's really helpful and glad it worked well.  They have me from day 1 of mock cycle so we'll see.  Only 1 a day though and I've read it should be two a day so I guess scan will let me know.

EPAU dr sounds     2 weeks is a while to wait was there no chance they could scan sooner?  Hope bleeding all gone


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* sounds scary and I know how awful the wait is for the next scan it's like you are in limbo isn't it. Hopefully it will all be good news and growth would've caught up with the dates. 

Hope everyone else is okay 

Things aren't great for me dh and I keep arguing and I'm struggling to have him around me even trying to get up after he's left for work. I can't even summon the strength to say morning isnt that awful. He's threatening to leave now so not sure what is going to happen. Wondering if a trial separation might help but neither of us have anywhere else to go (family dont have the room) and hed have to stay in th house because of his son. I don't work so have no money. It's all a mess and I can't find a fertility counsellor in Essex at all. Can't even be bothered to get dressed today.

X


----------



## Tommi

AJ - thinking of you   It's such a worrying time. I really hope they can scan you sooner. Maybe tell them your symptoms are worsening and you need to be scanned? Anything can happen at this stage so here's loads of positive vibes for a lovely outcome    

Really sorry to hear your news Vickytick   You may be able to find a counsellor who does phone consultations. This lady might be worth a try in Romford: http://www.kp-counselling.com/ She seems to specialise in relationships and fertility so if she can't help she may know someone near you who can. Do you have anywhere near you like a lake or a river or the sea? I always find being near water when I feel emotional is very soothing and a little walk can be very therapeutic.

I hope everyone else is doing OK 

Txx


----------



## Tommi

How are you doing today AJ? And Vickytick? 
Thinking of you  

Hope everyone else is doing OK  

Txx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies...the sun is shining here. I hope it is with you all too?  . I hope you are all well? xx

Vicky...Im so, so sorry hun that you are feeling so low. I really hope that you manage to find a councellor close to you. Ours was through the NHS. When I went to see the consultant gynaecologest for a routine appt last year I asked if there was a councelling facility and there was so I got a really quick referal. It may be worth asking if you are in the NHS system as I have been told by mine that it is something that has been a recommendation and that authorities are supposed to provide it??
There is 'Relate' councelling around the country- maybe theres one by you?

Well, I went for a scan yesterday after a referral from A & E. I was so expecting the worst after last weeks when I was pretty much told that there was no hope and A & E who called it a threatened miscarriage. The bleeding has continued on and off- its bizarre!
The sonogropher was taking ages and told me that they dont like to scan before 8 weeks and she wouldnt be able to give me a conclusive answer right then. Then suddenly she said 'We have a live baby in here' and turned the screen round to show me and there it was. After 6 prrevious m/c this is the first time I have ever seen a heartbeat- truly amazing!
On the down side I am a couple of days behind size wise which they werent worried about in the slightest, but there is a bleed adjacent to the sac. Again they didnt seem too bothered but of course it is bothering me like crazy.I got referred back to my GP who has booked me in for an appointment with the midwife tomorrow. I need to get a referral to see a specialist or someone who can advise on the bleed. Its at times like this that it isnt helpful having an ivf clinic in another country. Im waiting for them to get back to me re Clexane injection which Im taking daily. It can cause bleeding so need advice on that.
There will always be something to worry about. But, at the moment Im one happy lady.

Love and hugs to you all
AJxx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* That is fantastic news  it all carries on so well. I've heard of other cases where the baby catches up size wise so dont worry (easier said than done I know). You must give so pleased to have got this far which is encouraging. Really hope it's your time and glad we have some good news on here.

How is everyone else? Enjoying the nice weather I hope..

I'm better today we went out last night to the cinema which helped a bit but I can't help my niggling doubts and I have no idea where they've come from..think I've found a private counsellor through the infertility counselling association so going to give her a call. I did have nhs counselling in feb/ march but i felt like she didnt like me and i was wasting her time. Neurotic i know  It hasn't helped that I've had to explain to 2 people already this week that no I don't have children as I can't.  trying to keep busy and not think babies 24/7 as that is part of the prob. Dh told me I've lost the will to enjoy life which is probably true. I've looked up Relate. Im astounded that they have a fee scale based on your income so as dh earns over the top band they negotiate the fee...surely it should be standard.

Enjoy the rest of the week ladies.


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello ladies,

Back again after a round trip to Liverpool and back over the last 5 days. I'm back as I'm awaiting my delivery of Humira - dur, dur, duuuurrrrr!!

Gosh - so much has happened!

AJ - Really pleased that things are looking up - I keep my fingers firmly crossed. Great that there was a heartbeat - how exciting!!!

Vickytick - You sound a bit like me last week. I'm not working and last week for some reason, was really tough. Kept bursting into tears, couldn't be bothered to get up (but forced myself) and just felt guilty and stressed all week for nutty reasons. This week, I'm a new woman and back on the high. Looks like I might have some a small contract to keep myself busy over the next few weeks, but I was out with a friend yesterday up north, and she reminded me that my time off shouldn't be all about decorating and functional things. So I'm going to make an effort to do some bits and pieces. Painting, a walking holiday with my step-mum, joining that yoga class. It won't solve everything but it's a start. Counsellors need to be the right fit for you - I cannot believe Relate charge based on income - that's outrageous!! I have seen two in recent years, both in Liverpool, one NHS and one private. The private one was really good and I'd started seeing her just prior to the whole fertility issues raising their head. However, after a while (I saw her on and off over 6 years) we became too familiar with each other. So I tried a fertility counsellor at my clinic and she was very practical. I find practical advice good, as I like planning which is why this process drives me nuts!! But I'm less good at emotional stuff - so I regularly need a poke to let out those emotions as I'm one for bottling things up. Really sorry to hear you and your OH are going through so much but you might find some counselling helps.

Tommi - Haven't dared check my BP as done nothing but eat cakes - not very GI is it??  After further reading, allegedly I need to stop eating cakes and sugar. But with caffeine and alcohol off the menu, what ELSE is there left to enjoy??  I've heard of Patrick Holford - in fact, I have the Optimum Nutrition book he wrote. But I'm about to read Ben Goldacre's bad science - which has a section devoted to him, and , needless to say, Ben doesn't like him. But I have always found Patrick a good read - besides which, if we went by the scientific approach, I wouldn't be allowed to take Humira eh?

<Slight interlude as Humira arrived - as if on cue>

Right - no real instructions arrived with this... cue phonecall (i.e. rest of afternoon) to ARGC...

CKay - Sounds like you have a new approach planned - good luck with the mock cycle. I am pondering other routes if this next cycle isn't a success. But I always say 'this is my last' until it goes wrong and OH and I look at one another and say 'lets try one more time'. But, ARGC is eye-wateringly expensive, so it may well be the last time. Although I found myself talking about a year out from treatment then trying again the other day. I am an optimist, I promise! No really, I am! It occurs to me it's almost exactly a year since my 3rd cycle started. I didn't mean it to take this long - just other things & being tested have taken time... Adoption may be a route for us - although I think I'm keener that OH. But then, OH is very "we don't need to think about that yet".. but that's men for you - they concentrate on the present. Whereas I'm always simultaneously in the past (what's different to last time) and the future (what will we try next).

Jillyhen / PP - hope you are both ok.

AFM - enjoying doing NOWT after spending 4 days decorating on the trot. OH has the better deal with 'just' working I think  Anyway, off to hassle ARGC and an afternoon nap..

Lots of love to you all
MrsP
xx


----------



## Vickytick

Firstly I'd like to say thanks for all your kind messages of support it means a lot as I often feel I'm wasting peoples time and should have that British stiff upper lip thing going on. I did see a counsellor yesterday privately who was nice but I do find the whole process weird and I'm scared (irrationally) that if I choose the adoption route it will be held against me so am nervous about being truly honest. I do have this thing that the world is against me at the moment..dh tells me to think about those worse off like people with cancer etc. she wants to see us both next time and I'll need to persuade dh though. She told me I need to start dealing with it better and move on. The catalyst for me was the 2nd cycle as it was a dream one but didn't work which I realise now has brought home to me the reality that this might not happen ever.

Anyway enough about me how are you ladies?

*Ckay* how is the mock cycle going?
*AJ* fingers crossed its all still going well and you're on countdown to th 12 wk scan 
*Penelopepitstop and jilyhen * how are things with you both?
*Tommi* how's the recovery going? Emotionally it will take a while but I'm hoping physically you are getting better. It's he'll what we put ourselves through isn't it with little nhs care.
*Mrsp* you summed up how I've been feeling bu today I feel more positive. It's odd it just hits you one day then a couple of days later you can feel better. I'm not great at showing emotions I block everyone out which worries me about adoption I think they'd turn me down but there you go. Glad you've got things planned. I've started in a charity shop this week which is good and applied for a couple of pt jobs. We've thought about ARGC for our private go if the 3 cycle fails in dec but the cost worries me a lot. I know they are good but it's still a worry. I looked on their website and it didn't look too bad but ive been told it can cost up to 12 grand..You seem to be settling in nicely which is good although you must be sick of painting it's definitely easier sitting in an office..lol. I bet you can't believe you've been at home for so long already. The weeks really go quickly.

Have a good weekend ladies.


----------



## MrsPootle

Just a very quick one to Vickytick - right there with you on the adoption front - I worry about saying the right and wrong things if the time comes.  That's the trouble being a perfectionist    Glad the counselling went well - I'd concentrate on small victories too - I am thinking about some voluntary work too, possibly teaching how to use the internet at my local library.  Regards ARGC - yep, it's like an unsigned cheque - I'm still a bit concerned about the escalating cost... it's not like they give you ANY idea what you will spend as it's so dependent on the issues you personally have.  What is really annoying is that standard IVF drugs are included in the price on the internet,  but blood tests, which will happen every day during stimming, are extra.  Which all seems a bit daft to me.  But hey, this was why I took voluntary redundancy from my job in March - to pay for this last chance.

Love to everyone else too - gotta dash as hubby is expecting I join him on a cycle ride today (do I sound keen - yeah, I think you know the answer to that)!

MrsP
x


----------



## CKay

AJ - so glad all OK with LO in there hope all goes smoothly from now on   


Mrs P - It's one step at a time for the men folk eh    I looked into ARGC too last year costs are high, but so hope they are worth it for you.  The adoption route can always be a back up plan.

Vickytick-   such a tough time you're having - I've been reading a bit about adoption for us too and as far as I can tell it is viewed positively if you seek counselling about infertility as it shows you're trying to move forward with things.  Try not to fear saying what you want to say because of this.  Counsellors can't disclose what you discuss due to confidentiality they can say they have seen you that's all.  I'm going to get the book:  What to expect when you're adopting to have a read through it's supposed to be a good one.  It's such a horrible journey we've all had, no it's not a terminal illness, but I read somewhere infertility has been likened to one as we have to have invasive procedures, we can't move forward, and it's so emotionally up and down.  

Tommi -    hope things oK for you

AFM - Mock cycle still going strong am waiting for day 14 scan on Friday will let you know what it brings.  DH and I keep swinging from shall we even bother going through with tx and move straight for adoption instead.  We went to an open evening last week and it gave us hope.  It helped to think that there may be other options for us.  Happy Sunday all am very tired early night for me tonight   

CKAY xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Ckay * glad that th mock cycle is going well. I know what you mean about carrying on ttc. Weve technically given ourselves a deadline of the end of the year. If still not pg then stop ttc wait the mandatory 6 months then do adoption if we pass....But we are considering ARGC if dh gets a good bonus in April but that puts it all back and I'm 39 in feb.

Hope everyone is okay. I'm feeling more positive as charity shop work is going well and have an interview for pt job tomorrow.  dh and I are going to counselling next week. This seems to be a good week such I the rollercoaster of IVF I suppose.

Xx


----------



## A J

Its over for me again  

Scan today showed that the embryo has stopped growing since last week and there is no longer a heartbeat. I cant believe this has happened again...what is it going to take? Cant get my head around things right now...

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh AJ I am so so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you and sending you big big hugs my lovely. Life is so unfair isnt it. xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Oh AJ   I'm really, really sad to hear your news, I'd hoped things would turn out better this time around.
Please know I'm thinking of you, words are woefully inadequate at times like this, but I'm gutted for you - life can be v cruel xxxx


----------



## CKay

AJ - I'm so so sorry  -


----------



## Mojo72

AJ - Like the other girls have said, I'm so sorry to hear your news  
You need to take care of yourself just now and wallow, cry, scream and speak to your OH/family/friends

Did anyone else hear on the news last week that fertility experts have discovered that ladies who have multiple miscarriages are actually over fertile!


----------



## A J

Finding accepting this pregnancy is over very hard. I had a rescan for a second opinion today which of course showed exactly the same...yet, still I doubt the sonogrophers and their machines. I have never experienced this feeling before.  I think its because it was the first time I ever saw a heartbeat and cant believe its just gone when I still feel pregnant. The lady last week took ages finding the heartbeat and just when she was about to say leave it for another week, there it was.
I have not taken estrogen and progesterone this afternoon but I feel like I'm doing something wrong- almost like I'm killing the baby yet I know its already dead  

I have opted to let the miscarriage come naturally by stopping the meds which I have done in the past. It is a bit drawn out but cant face surgery. Dont know if I'm coming or going today but I know this feeling will pass.

Hope everyone else is doing OK?

AJxx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* so so sorry to hear this news I too really thought this was your time but each mc takes a little more of our hearts to the point we fear getting pg in the first place. Thoughts are with you Hun but as the others have said words are simply not enough at this time. Cry, scream but i can undertand you are probbly feeling very numb at ths moment. I dont understand how life can be this cruel you deserve your baby now. Huge huge hug to you both.  

*Mojo72* I too saw this the other day but don't understand as I can't get pg easily as have poor ovulation but when I have done 2 in 3 years I've mc both times.

I struggle to understand with all medical advances why they can't find a definitive reason for mc in individuals. No one can tell me why it happens thy just chuck theories and drugs then hope for the best but it puts you off getting pg if it's all a guessing game and the risk is we lose another much wanted baby. It all makes me want to give up. My heart goes out to us all at these times when another one of you lovely ladies had a loss it's all so unfAir when there are people killing their children.

Xx


----------



## CKay

Oh AJ it's so upsetting and I really feel for you - I think the natural way may be kinder for you, I wish I'd opted for that rathet than the D and C I had last Nov.  The Drs insensitivity and lack of reading notes added to the upset for me.  Hold in mind one step at a time and give yourself time to cry as Vickytick says.     

CKay xxx


----------



## Tommi

Oh AJ I am so, so sorry to hear your news. It is so unfair. As CKay says it can be traumatic going for the op (certainly was for me). It is very hard to come to terms with. It is 4 weeks since my baby died and I think I am only just beginning to really accept it. I still have a tearful time every day. But what I can say is that it really does seem that every day is just a little bit better. It's slow progress but it is progress. We will get there but it's a definite process so take your time and do what feels nurturing. I am thinking of you    

Vickytick - I am rapidly reaching the conclusion that although medical science has lots of answers for many things, when it comes to fertility it relies an awful lot on the grace of mother nature! I had such a long list of questions for my appointment yesterday but the bottom line it they don't have many answers. It is so frustrating but I think we just have to do our own research, talk to each other and keep on moving clinics until we reach our goals  

Mojo - I didn't hear that but would like to know more! 

Hi to everyone else!

I am going to be doing another cycle of IVF before Christmas. I'm trying to do all I can now to get great quality eggs! 

Txx


----------



## CKay

Good for you Tommi about te eggs - have you heard of reservatrol (sp?) think that's supposed to be good for egg quality and DHEA but not sure what doses for that and think you need to stop a few months before tx.  

Scan today decision time


----------



## Tommi

Thanks CKay   Good luck for the scan!    

My consultant strongly advised against DHEA because of the testosterone content (she said "you really don't want that anywhere near your system when you're trying to conceive"!!). It's funny because I know some people take it but after that little warning from her I'll stay away. I don't know anything about reservatrol so I'll look that up. Thank you!

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*Tommi* I know of a few people that have taken dhea and got more eggs but I wasn't sure it was readily available. Good for you in doing another cycle before Xmas. I find it helps to focus on the next steps. Fingers crossed that all this preparation will help.

*Ckay* good luck for the scan today 

*AJ* how are you bearing up today? Been thinking of you over the last couple of days. It's all so unfair.. 

Hello to everyone else 

AFM well feeling more positive or realistic not sure which. My mum keeps telling me I'll get my baby but I'm not sure. I dont know whether to go to gp to be referred to nhs recurrent mc clinic or will they do anything diff to Mr ******* in Epsom. People keep telling me to ask to be referred but that could take ages an I'm 38 already struggling to even get pg. I think I need Clexane but Mr S will only give it to me during IVF not if I do superovulation or if I fall naturally but I'm scared that I could mc again as I think I get blood clots which cause a mc at 8 weeks. It's so hard to contradict a Dr but I couldn't cope with another mc. Anyone have any ideas or advice?

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Vickytick - can you be referred anyway? Even if it takes a while you could pursue other treatments in the meantime but it might be worth getting on the list. I'm at the stage where I want to have as many bases covered as possible so I'll go on any waiting list going!  

I'm quite confused about the DHEA. I did take some for a while last year (it's widely available - I got mine from Biovea) but instinctively I wasn't sure about it. I will avoid it but have a number of other supplements up my sleeve in operation perfect egg! I have spoken to a nutritionist and now have loads of notes to go through. She's going to check my final list. 

I wish I could get rid of these headaches. My ERPC was 3 weeks ago today and I've had a headache every single day since.  

Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone!
Deffo see a nutritionist, I saw Melanie Brown after seeing her recommended here. She was really great, and it was nice to get advice specific to my needs.
All a bit upset today, just disappointment as my new job contract has fallen thru. Crap really, but I just need to man up & get on with it. Sorry no personals, on phone!
Love MrsP x
CKay, good luck with scan though xx


----------



## A J

Hi,

CKay...how did scan go hun? Hopefully things are looking good for you xx

Vicky...is it possible to make a private appt with a GP and ask for meds on a private prescription. Clexane isnt cheap- approx £50 for a box of 10 injections. The fertility clinic that I have been using for lining check scans gave me a private prescription for steroids even though I didnt do the actual cycle with them. Is there a private clinic or GP that you can contact? Its real headwork isnt it...trying to juggle clinics, treatment, opinions, drugs etc, etc. When all we do is keep throwing the money at them  xx

MrsP...Im so sorry sweetie that your job contract has fallen through-life b....y well sucks sometimes. I hope something comes along super quick xx

Mojo...I did read that report and perhaps it does make sense with me. I dont seem to have a problem getting pregnant, just keeping pregnant...wish they would come up with some answers to their theory though xx

PP...how are you doing my lovely? 

Tommi...Im really glad you are going for another cycle. Not sure about egg quality issues as im using donor eggs. Actually, I have had the same issues with my own eggs and donor eggs which is a bit frustrating as I would much rather be using me own which brings me on to...

Im racking my brain and wondering if anyone can give advice....a few people have suggested getting further testing done which I agree with. I had recurrent m/c testing after 3 m/c about three years ago on the nhs which covered the very basics and nothing was found. Donor eggs were suggested after failed ivf with my own eggs (lack of response to drugs) yet Im still having the same issues- early m/c. My local clinic here put me on steroids- a low dose of 10mg but they felt that further immune investigations were a waste of money. My Spanish clinic prescribed Clexane yet I feel that there is something else that needs addressing.
I know a few of you have had full or part immunes testing done and had cycles with treatment. Can I ask did it make any difference and would you continue with the immunes treatment in future cycles?
I dont seem to see any concrete evidence of it all actually working. If there is some glimmer of hope then I would jump at it....but I have my reservations. I have asked my Spanish clinic if they have links with any miscarriage specialists here but am still waiting for them to get back to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated- I have got to do something!

I have found it hard to let go of taking the meds to bring about a m/c this time. I know its crazy but I have just cut down. Im not really sure what my thinking is but I just want to m/c naturally and not feel like I have made it happen myself...I have to stop this or I will make myself both physically and mentally ill...

Love and hugs to you all
AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi A J,

I've just had immunes done, and so far, the blood tests appear to tie up with my history of not being able to keep embies. I've started with humira & so far, so good, although the big test will come with round number 4.  I share your scepticism, but frankly, this is the last go for me so I'm throwing everything I can at it, with the grand illusion that if it fails, I'll be able to say I tried everything I could. 

So crossing fingers & wishing is what I'm doing!

Love MrsP xx


----------



## MrsPootle

And Vickytick, I think its worth going on the NHS list if only to keep options open whilst you think about it xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good evening everyone.

AJ, how are you? Sorry cant really help with the immune side of things other than we enquired about it at our clinic and were advised not to waste money on having the tests done and were given steroids. However I do know a few ladies who have had the tests done and are taking various types of medication. I hope you have some luck with your Spanish clinic and miscarriage investigations. Have the clinic said what the quality of the embryo's are you are having put back in?  I can totally understand why you dont want to stop taking your medication I think any of us going through what you are would feel the same.  You are going through a greiving process and it will take time for you to heal from this. Do you have access to a fertility counsellor? Im sure you have already tried everything but I found accupuncture really helped me take time away from everything and relax even if just for 30mins. Its not for everyone though especially as it involves yet more needles!!!
i
Tommi, I hope you are ok too? Ive been thinking about you and AJ alot over the last few days. I dont know if you've already looked into this but I have read about a few ladies having consultations with Dr Gorgey (I think thats how you spell it??!!) regarding improving egg quality. I went to see a nutritional therapist before we went through IVF and found her advice invaulable.  I hope the headaches are easing. 

CKay, hope the scan went well? 

Mrs Pootle, so sorry to hear that your job fell through. Dont beat yourself up for feeling low about it, you are entitled to a bit of self pity everyone now and again!! Do you have another contracts in the pipeline? 

Vickytick, Im with Mrs Pootle, I would go on the NHS list. Are you with a private clinic for treatment or NHS? Maybe a move to a different clinic who will prescribe clexane for superovulation I know some clinic are open to different options where as others arent. Just ignore me if this isnt an option or you have already thought about this. 

Jillyhen, I know you are taking a break but just in case you are still checking in to read posts, I just wanted to let you know Im thinking of you and hope you are ok. 

I hope I havent missed anyone, really sorry if I have. 

Big hugs 

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* Its so tough trying to get everyone to be on the same page. I start wondering who to believe and who not to. Its ridiculous why in this day and age they can't find more concrete proof for it all. I have had my full immunes done and have to take various drugs including steriods. I took 40mg for my last ivf but only 25mg if ntrl pg or through superovulation. I know some people don't agree with it and tbh I'm starting to doubt it all myself. I've had 1 ivf cycle with full immunes, 2 SO with immunes and 1 ntrl pg with immunes but either bfn or mc. I would consider paying to see a mc or immunes specialist if only for peace of mind. I can completely understand why you don't want to let go especially as you saw the hb and got further than before. You need to handle this in your way in your own time. 

*Mrsp* I'm off to the gp this afternoon. My theory is don't ask don't get but after 3 mc and 2 failed ivf and being over 35 i'm hoping they might refer me. Like you at least if it all fails I also can say I've tried everything I could have done. Hope you get another contract soon. When is cycle 4 starting?

*PP* Can't believe the time has flown for you not too long now eh.. 

Tommi, Ckay, Mojo and Jillyhen how are you all?


----------



## CKay

HI all,

Just a quick me post - the scan wasn'y good news - my lining was only 4.8mm so we're abandoning tx now I think it's just putting us through more heartache and pain, and financial strain.  We're going to have a break for three months then move on to adoption (if we're accepted!) which is another journey in itself but feels the right one for us now. 

Hope all OK Ckay xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Ckay* Sorry to hear this news it must have taken huge strength for you both to make that final decision to abandon trying for your own biological child and go down another route. I totally agree about the financial strain and the impact it has on our relationships. I stand by what I say that its not how the child came into the world but how its guided through it and adoption makes us no less of a mother. For me its about caring and nurturing a child and having them call me mummy not whether I gave birth to them. Something my mum actually said to me about a year ago and its very true. When the time comes you will make a great mum. 

*AJ* Have you made a decision about what you want to do yet about the immunes? Good luck with your decision anyway.

Hope everyone is okay and muddling through the week. I seem to have had a surge of nesting - without the pg - today as I've been sorting out cupboards, scrubbing the bathrooms but feel good for it. Not sure hubby will even notice though - lol. The gp has agreed to refer me and said I should have been referred back in Mar after the 3rd mc but I went private for my erpc because of my awful EPU experience. Hopefully I'll get seen before my 3rd IVF in Dec and they will help. After that its possible one go with ARGC, surrogacy (if I can convince hubby) or adoption for us as well.

 to all

x


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Sorry ive been awol for a while.

Thank you for all your well wishes i really appreciate them all. I had been lurking briefly.

A J how are you doing mrs?

ckay sorry to hear your news.. We are also going down the adoption route.. Wherabouts are you??

vicky i wish i had that urge..

mrsp, pp how are you both?

Afm! The form hadnt been great was in such bad form last week i had a few breakdowns. Af was taking her time to appear and thankfully arrived on saturday night so since that ive been in better form.

I had my appt with the miscarriage consultant yesterday, he is sucha lovely man. Thinks there may be issues with implantation so im o have all the relevant bloods done at my gp's, then start on the aspirin & high dose of folic acid, hubby has to be banished to the spare room and see him again on 2 months.. That perked me up a wee bit..

We have also considered adoption and will be doing the 3 day preparation course in November..

So thats all my news. I cant believe this thread is still on the go.

Hoping we will all have our wee miracles either ivf/isci/adoption or naturally some christmas..

Jillyhen xx


----------



## Vickytick

Jillyhen  - good to hear from you and glad you are feeling better although no one would expect you to be ongoing from the treetops after what you've been through. One question for you re adoption. We were told we had to wait 6 months  after all fertility treatment had finished before we even fill in the form. I'd like to start the ball rolling sooner so I'm keen to know how you've got to go on the 3 day course. Any tips? Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Vicky

We had the social worker round last year as we had our hearts set on adoption it was then put on hold because of the ivf, when i knew the miscarriage had happened this time i wa straigh on the phone to them didnt mention the miscarriage and just said we where ready to adopt n that was that

Jillyhen


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## Vickytick

Thanks. 

Dh wants to try to get the ball rolling by not being totally honest with them about further treatment (still have IVF in dec) but I'm worried what will happen if they find out. How was the social worker visit did they scrutnise you and your home? Sorry for the questions I just dont know anyone who has been through it to ask.

Thanks
Vick


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!!

Jillyhen, lovely to hear from you. Im glad you are slowly on the mend. Its going to take time as you've had a rough time of things. Your consultation with the miscarriage specialist sounds very positive. Are you hoping to have another cycle when you get the results of the tests? Do you feel better having some sort of plans in place? 

AJ, how are you my lovely? 

Tommi, hope you are ok?

Hello to Mrs P and Vickytick. 

CKay, so sorry to hear that you have had to make the decision to abandon your cycle. Taking a break for a few months sounds like a good idea, take some time to spoil yourselves and look after each other and then you start the next stage of your journey exploring the adoption route. 

Hope I havent missed anyone.

Big hugs to all

xxxxx


----------



## A J

Hi everyone...hope you are all OK today?

CKay...so sorry about this cycle. I know you tried so hard to get it right. But great news about going down the adoption route xx
Like Vicky said, I am a bit anxious about starting the process as I haven't finished with ivf yet. Its annoying though that they wont consider at the same time especially as the process takes so long.
I'm tempted to make surrogacy the next step when I have completely slogged the ivf route. But with that it wouldn't be mine at all- I would have to use donor eggs too. Vicky..I'm glad you are thinking of all angles xx

Jillyhen...I like the idea of banishing DH to the other room for a few months..hehe!! Glad the consultation went well though xx

PP...glad things are going well with you xx

Mrs P...thanks for your thoughts on immunes,I still cant decide what to do. I have contacted two places and am waiting for them to get back to me and will go from there xx
Tommi....how are you doing chick? xx
Mojo...how are things your end? And anyone else I have missed...

Had a bit of a melt down today at the hospital. I have decided that I cant take the pregnancy symptoms anymore knowing it is over so I have opted for medical management. Went to get the first tablet and the staff there were so nice (nhs as well!!!), in fact so nice that I broke down. I asked for a final scan first which they agreed to and even let me skip the bloods (I cant bear them). So, I'm in for the day on Saturday then hopefully I can move on at least physically.
I'm so, so exhausted from this more than any of the other pregnancies. I think because I started getting ready for it in March with going on the pill, hysterescopy, planning things around the school holidays etc and the symptoms have been so strong....to come to this  

Still...I will survive. Hugs to you all  

AJ xx


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## MrsPootle

Hi girls!

Back south again with broadband hence my arrival online again!

CKay - sooo sorry to hear your news about having to abandon the cycle, but I think its excellent that you have come to the decision to go down the adoption route, it can't be an easy decision to make.  Good luck to you and your OH with adoption and keep us posted xxx

Vickytick - Nesting eh?  Can you come around and do some at my new pad please?    I think I need to do some nesting as having been away at the north house for a week, no housework has been done here by OH!!  Glad you got referred and totally with you on the difficulties of playing by the rules / trying to optimise chances / reality of the IVF and adoption route.  Nightmare - but I think it's good to try to pursue as many roads as possible, even if it's a slight bend of the rules here and there.  Cycle #4 will start when/if the Humira sorts my immune system out - I'm really hoping it's mid-Oct but it could be as late as December or January.  But OH still is with the plan for me to take time off until it's over.  Just hope I can stick it out as I keep getting cravings for office life (sad but true). xxx

PP - How are you my dear?  Not long now, hope everything is good with you xxx

Jillyhen - Always lovely to hear from you, glad you are slowly getting back on your feet.  As PP said your consultation sounded really promising.  Keep on taking it easy - I always try to run before I can walk and end up regretting it - hope your plans come together soon for you xxx

A J - I think meltdowns are allowed, nay, necessary with everything us ladies go through.  We wouldn't be human if we didn't!  Keep resting up though, it's been quite a year for you and perhaps some break is required before ploughing forth with next steps (but then, remember I'm the one who runs before walking - tsk)!  xxx

Mojo / Tommi - hope you are both ok xxx

AFM - weird week.  Humira brought my period on early by 5 days - which was unexpected.  As was a hilarious rash on ONLY my chest and legs.  So I look ridiculous!!  Blooming side effects.  Started a yoga and mindfulness course which I am absolutely loving.  It's really good and I'm enjoying the relaxation aspect and the observing of 'negative space' e.g. noticing things like, the tiny pause between inhaling and exhaling - sounds like I'm turning nuts, but hey, I'm already nuts!!   Spent most of the week up north, cried buckets (again) when I left (blames Humira) and it was a long journey back by train on Thursday... but I'm almost recharged now with some excess energy to burn (hence burning midnight oil).  
In other news, got a success with some web design voluntary work for a local bipolar self-help charity - although the guy who runs the show seems a little, er, forward, in that he was describing me from my ******** page as a "bendy veggie who likes running and fast cars" - which in fact, I'm not veggie but I can see how he got the idea from my status updates on chickpea burgers & F1...  Anyway I meet him in person on Monday - think OH is a bit worried since the messages have also proclaimed love until he noticed my status was married... I think he's just got a big personality.  I guess I'll find out...

Visiting in-laws for Sunday lunch tomorrow, looking forward to that & Singapore F1 on the telly.  Must try to fit a run in too.  OOOHHH YES, and I'm also going gluten free and will be on some wacky detox next week - so I'll probably be constantly on here moaning about being hungry!!! 

Love to you all,

MrsP
xx


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## Vickytick

AAGGHH - Just did a huge reply and went to post then the bl***dy internet went down for some unknown reason..

So I'll start again.

*MRSP* Sounds like you had a nice break back up north hope you're rested and raring to go again. Its always tough leaving home again. For the first few months of uni I hated going back after being at home but after 3 years didn't want to come home!! Sounds like the side effects aren't great hope they are not being too nasty. That's one of my annoyances that 'people' don't understand what toll both the process and the drugs take on our body and think IVF is a walk in the park and a cure for all. As we all know sadly thats not the case. The charity guy sounds a bit  so good luck with the meeting perhaps DH should be lurking in the corner just in case - lol..Hope its Oct rather than Dec as it seems you've been waiting for ages to start again. 

*AJ* How are you bearing up? Your reaction to wanting a final scan to confirm is perfectly normal. To take the drugs is almost like ending it yourself and you will always cling to the smallest of hope that whilst its still there there's a chance its still a viable pg. I struggle to hold it together whenever people ask me about children so don't ever apologise for getting upset this is a major journey we are all going through. Sending you huge hugs . Hope DH is taking extra special care of you. You are a strong lady and will pick yourself up again.

*CKAY* Good luck with the next steps and I hope the break helps both mind and body to heal. 

*JILLYHEN* Its lovely to hear of a nice consultant as they often can be so clinical and make you feel like you are simply an equation or sum to be solved and lack the warmth or empathy that the situation demands. To have a genuinely nice doctor always puts you at ease. Sounds like you got your plans and Nov will be here before you know it. You'll have to let the rest of us know how the course goes.

Hello to MOJO, TOMMI and PP 

*AFM* Just waiting (is that all we ever do - lol) for Barts to contact me re IVF in DEC and for the recurrent mc referral people to get in touch. Hoping they will coincide so the IVF is not in vain again. Urged on by CKAY and JILLYHEN we are looking at more adoption open evenings and starting to complete the initial form so at least its ready. Got myself a little pt job which was supposed to be 12hrs but next week I've got 20hrs which I'm not overly happy about as its late nights (I'll just about be able to stay awake  ). DH says one minute I want a job the next I'm not happy  He just doesn't get women does he.

Love to all and have a great Sunday ladies.


----------



## CKay

Mrs P -      your post made me laugh - hope funny man reigned it in a bit!  I quite fancy yoga they run a course at my local leisure centre 5 mins walk - it's for an hour and a half which seemed quite long to me but think I might give it a go.  I'm not very supple does that matter?

Vickytick - hope clinic and miscarriage people get in touch soon - a little frustrating for you I should imagine.

AJ - hope you're OK, what a hard and horrid time for you    I hope you've had some closure on it all by now (if that's the right word), at least then you can start to grieve   .  We thought about surrogacy too - we would also need to use donor eggs and the expense would be quite high.  Just feel adoption right for us in a funny way.

Jilly - wow great news that you're on the course in Nov.

AFM - well we've been to two adoption open evenings now and have the form to fill in.  Going to wait until Dec to put the form in. I started to worry about having tx in June and thought what if they find out and then know we've told a porky.  They interview family, friends and employers and all know we had tx so think someone will slip up, and DH wants to do things by the book.  Never mind I can enjoy spending a little cash that we haver never be able to spend before because of tx, start yoga   , and normalise my hormones (going to take some herbs).  I'm thinking of having some counselling too as don't know that I'm letting myself grieve properly I wish I could carry my own baby but sadly it's not meant to be.  Adoption of course is also children who have had difficult starts and with that brings it's own problems so am under no illusion it will be easy, but then having your own children is also not easy so....  Anyway probably good for me to have time out to think all this through.   all what a grim day today bring on the sunshine


----------



## Vickytick

Quick one for CKAY I was told we only had to wait 6 months until after treatment finished to apply for adoption so you should be okay with applying in dec. I have the opposite prob I want to play it by the book but dh wants to get the ball rolling. Form filling this week for us. Nervous about some of it as we seem to have lost a few friends on the IVF journey and worried how that will look. But all sorts adopt so should be okay. Enjoy the time out being you again. Xx


----------



## Vickytick

Not happy ladies   

Heard back from Barts referral team yesterday and it seems they've had to refer my funding question to the head of east England contract. No idea what that means or why but I know the rules have now changed and the fact that dh has a son would exempt us from funding under the new rules. Have a vv bad feeling its going to be pulled. If not thy say my tests are out of date but they were done in April so can't be. The earliest hey are looking at IVF to start is feb/ mar. Which we be a min 9 month wait for us from last cycle. This impacts everything if it fails as it puts us back for adoption as well. Very down now. On top of that new job is 12 hrs but they are giving m double that with all night or weekend shifts which I don't want. My course has been cancelled.

Aargh I just want to scream at the moment. Sorry for the rant but its all so rubbish. Xx


----------



## A J

Ah Vicky...I can hear you scream from here!! The system is so unfair...infact life is so damn unfair. There are better words I could use but I dont think I could get away with them. I really hope they get their act together but it seems like there are real cut backs everywhere. I remember being annoyed that I had to wait for an initial consultation after having a m/c. I had already spent 18 months being 'infertile' then was told oh, you can get pregnant but to look further you need 3 m/c which happened. Then I had an initial consultation and tests were arranged by which time I was too old at 38 to have any treatment on the nhs anyway!!! The consultant still sees me but I cant get any treatment off them- i get the occasional blood test and have had counselling but otherwise zilch  

Sorry I haven't been on for a few days but have just had a quick read through everyones posts...lots of love and hugs all around. Haven't got time to do personals today but will get round to it.

Saturday was a toughy having medical management. I had it twice before so knew what to expect. I waited for the inevitable to happen and when I passed the 'products of conception' as they call it of all the people to come and take it away was a heavily pregnant nurse...I'm upset now even thinking about it. She was lovely but to have this woman taking my baby away was a bit too much to take  
I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was nearly kept in over night as at 7.30pm with shift changeover a nurse came on duty who thought she was a doctor (actually I didn't see a doctor all day?) and told me that as I was still bleeding and had passed clots they would need to give me an internal exam before thinking about sending me home. As I was about to let her do it I thought...no way Hosea!! So I promptly told her that it is perfectly normal to bleed after this procedure, which I had done twice before and that as this is my 7th miscarriage I know the score by now...she did blush and then let me go. But what a cow   
Of course now I have been home a few days and the bleeding continues with on/off cramping I'm trying to remember how long this goes on for...for a while longer I think. I was told to do a pregnancy test after 2 weeks to see if my hormone levels have dropped back. atm they are still really high which is frustrating as it means I have a while to go before I can think about the frozen cycle.

Anyway, enough of me...hope you are all ok and the weather is not too bad your end?

AJ xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

Just a quickie from me.

AJ, lovely to hear from you, I have been thinking about you. I cannot believe that after all you have had to contend with over the last few weeks that you then had to deal with a pregnant nurse coming to take away your little one!!! That is disgusting and a thoughtless oversight of the nursing staff. I am in total shock!!! 

Vicky, you go ahead and scream my lovely. AJ is right, the system is so unfair and I really feel for you. 

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all ok. 

xxxx


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## MrsPootle

Morning everyone!

Oh Vickytick - massive   - with bells on!  That sounds pretty rough... the cut backs were really sharp up north but by then I'd had to go onto self-funded as I'd exceeded the 'criteria of the day' for NHS funding.  And of course, if you cross that threshold, it's bye-bye to NHS.  I'm waiting to be accepted by our local surgery - OH got his letter through last weekend but mine hasn't arrived.  The form had a pathetically small area for recent operations / recent ailments etc I may have frightened them off!  Can you tell the part-time people to shove it if they are making you (practically) work full time?  Is it temporary or something that will become a regular 'feature' of the job?  Don't put too much on yourself, you sound like you have enough to contend with.

AJ - Un.Believe.Able!  That is such a nightmare with the pregnant nurse.  Really bad form.  I know what you mean about getting discharged - I'm always ending up arguing with the nurse that, yes, my BP is high, but yes, I'd like to go home, and yes, I have a monitor at home, yes, it's not a wrist cuff, and no, this argument won't be helping my BP!!!  Good on you for putting the nurse straight.  Anyway, it's lovely to hear from you and I hope you are taking things easy.  

PP - Hi there!  Hope you are ok xxx

CKay - An hour and a half of yoga flies by I promise you - do it - it makes you feel AMAZING!!

Hello to everyone else too xx

AFM - The potential nutter turned out to be a lovely man - thank goodness!!  And I got the web design gig - it is a larger job than I thought but it will keep me occupied for a couple of weeks at least.  Waiting to hear back on the teaching computing locally to adults which was another voluntary job I went for.  Also worrying about the retest of my immune levels on 11th.  My AF is due about a week later, not convinced this is enough time to get the results back, and if ok, get going.  Otherwise it will be at least another 5-7 weeks if they put me on another course of Humira.  I'd really like NOT to be on a cycle over Christmas - but it would, I expect be the remainder of a 2 week wait. And it's not like I'm not used to behaving like a nun - well almost nun-like    It does feel like I've spent most of this year 'awaiting IVF', but then I step back and see that this year will have been the biggest set of changes for well over 10 years.  A new job (eventually) and a new home (with 2 moves by the end of it)!  It has been good to have so much self-indulgent thinking time too - all too often I think I plough into the next stage, taking the next opportunity offered to me without really thinking about it.  It's been nice to have some time to ensure my next step career-wise will be one I want.  Not that this is first priority at the minute of course, and it's still tempting to have two life plans on the go, or three if I consider the adoption route - but it helps to have the time to think all these things through...
Anyway, I'm doing my rambling again - better get on - got smoothies to make (on detox this week - it's murder)!
Love to all,
MrsP x


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## Vickytick

Thanks ladies for your support. I feel like a right moo sometimes as we are v lucky to we even got the funding we did so if they do we it away at least we had a chance. I don't know ow they'd know about ss but cant think why else the pct would refer Barts question re treatment to the head.  Have to wait and see. Had a 'chat' with manager and told him all these hours are a no go so he changed them 

*mrsp* love the whole multiple life plans thing. It's just what dh and I do. We have 3 plans : ivf bfp, adoption accepted, or no child. Lets hope you get the all rolling soon you don't really want a 2ww over Xmas that would be tough going. You've had massive changes this year. Btw your area qualifies for nhs funding same as me 6 goes (3fresh 3 fet) not sure if youd be able to get a cycle on the nhs now.

*aj* what an unbelievable thing to happen as Mrsp says. When I read it my mouth was open in shock. Surely someone else could've done it and as a pg woman/nurse shouldn't she have realised what a thoughtless thing to do. So much for the caring profession...my symptoms were worse with medicated mc than natural and it went on for a couple of weeks hopefully yours won't


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## SamJ

AJ   

I could have knocked out my consultant when he referred my pg loss at mmc 'as products of conception' on our first mc at 8+3.
Enough said.

Sam


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## A J

Reading replies to my post I now realise that it is completely wrong the way they call the pregnancy 'product of conception' and then to let a pregnant nurse take it away....can't actually believe all that happened. Still I'm surviving thanks to you guys  , DH, yoga (love it, I do it weekly and would reccomend it to everyone) and reflexology which I had last night and was great! Reflexologist is going to give me a freebie Reiki session next week xx


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## A J

Quiet on here recently...how is everyone? Hopefully all ok but sending you all a hug just the same   AJ xx


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## Loui32

Hi there 
Never posted in here before but stumbled upon it. I've been dreading Christmas since our m/c earlier this year, especially since my little sister announced her pregnancy. She already has a toddler and the thought of another Christmas with all the women in my family cooing over him (I feel terrible as he's my nephew and I do love him, but it's so hard) and asking her about her pregnancy just makes me cold with fear. 

I desperately want to go away for Christmas to avoid it all, but I know my mum would be devastated. And not sure my OH would be too happy either, although I would hope to talk him round. 
Do any of you have any coping strategies or ideas for how to avoid difficult situations? Short of faking flu on Christmas morning, I don't know what to do. OH has also just been made redundant, so not sure how financially viable a holiday is :-(


----------



## A J

Hi Loui...welcome  

This is a great thread that has offered me amazing support since about this time last year...I cant believe where the year has gone and cant believe that its almost Crimbo time again which like you I'm already dreading  

As for coping strategies...mmm...not sure really but I know that by coming on here and sharing how things are really helped me. We are hoping to escape it all this year...not that there are any pregnant women or babies in our family but I actually even find it hard to try to be happy on the day when inside I'm dying...but if we do go away I will be left feeling very guilty. We usually spend the day with DH's family (15 of them, a big Catholic family) as my parents have passed away and as his father is old now and not in the best of health I worry that I would be stopping DH from spending potentially what could be the last Xmas with all his family together. Yet, they are not my family and I will never feel that they are until we have a child of our own...

Sorry, this post just went on about me...its just brought it all close.

I hope that you can work through this as there are is no real way of doing Xmas pleasing everybody, even in the best of situations. But, you must put your needs and feeling to the forefront

Hi to all you other lovely ladies

AJ xx


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## Loui32

Hi AJ
I'm writing this crying my eyes out because I feel completely the same, like I'm dying inside when everyone else is so happy. I'm ever so sorry to hear that your parents are no longer with you. We too could spend Christmas with my partner's family instead, but I just don't want to do that either. There are no babies that side (yet, although I suspect it won't be long), but - this sounds awful - but I just can't cope with his mum. She has upset me countless times over the fertility treatment. She doesn't believe we should be spending our money on it and has made it clear that she would never help us financially (as she knows my family have helped in the past, so she wanted to make it clear she wouldn't). I don't want her money, but her lack of support makes my blood boil and I'd rather spend Christmas on my own than with her.
I'd love to spend Christmas with my own family, but it's just so painful. 

What would you do if you didn't go to your DH's family? I wish there was a nice hotel we could all go to with no kids, a big roaring fire and just get drunk until Christmas was over...


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## A J

We bought a camper van a couple of months ago. DH and I have talked about driving from South Wales where we live up to Scotland- leaving on Xmas morning with the dog and lots of nice food. It does sound lovely but I'm going to feel so guilty about his family. He is serious about going and has google routes etc and mentioned it to his family...its just me! I know I still have so much guilt as I wasn't around for my father's last Xmas. I used to live in Japan and didn't realise my dad was so ill that last Xmas.

Yet, I know I cant go through another Xmas here with DH's family. His sister had 5 kids and brother has 2- most are grown up now but they are so 'family' orientated whereas I have blocked that off in myself over the last few years as a coping mechanism.
DH has children from his first marriage and Xmas eve is actually worse for me as he spends the day with them visiting all his relatives, opening presents etc while I'm alone.  

I so want this year to be different...I guess it is up to me...Roll on when its over....xxx


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## Loui32

That sounds like a lovely idea. The roads would be nice and quiet and you could cosy up with your DH and doggie in your camper van and try and block all the other stuff out. It's impossible not to feel guilty. I feel guilty constantly (for not seeing my little nephew when he's growing up so fast, for not seeing my pregnant sister as she's the only sister I have and I know it upsets her, for avoiding OH's family, for avoiding friends...the list is endless) but it's self preservation. If your DH is comfortable with it, then it's his decision. Try not to put the pressure on yourself.
Maybe I should follow my own advice huh? 
Would love to go away somewhere hot for a week, especially as we haven't had a holiday this year. Well, we had a few days in Dublin after our m/c but wasn't exactly relaxing. 
I feel that if there are solid plans to go away, telling the family you won't be around is more bearable. Just telling them you won't be there and staying at home would be a real insult to them. Especially as my mum only lives around the corner! My mum would say she understood, but she would actually be really upset. 
I never thought Christmas could be so cruel.


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## Vickytick

Welcome *Loui32* youve come to the right place..As *AJ* said this thread started last Christmas and nearly a year on there are about 8 of us still here chatting away. It has been quiet over the last week or so but it goes like that. We've had a very tough year on this thread with a number of us having mc's or failed cycles, even deciding to go down the adoption route but one of our lucky ladies - PP - is due quite soon and she gives the rest of us inspiration.

Christmas is a tough one to get through and every year I think it gets harder not easier. As my counsellor said yesterday there is a mythical idea of what the holiday period should be like and children are at the core of that. Which I can understand as I know there are arguments etc but having my own child to share that delight of Christmas morning would be a dream come true. I used to love Christmas but after I had a mmc on Christmas Eve 2010 and completely lost it on Christmas day I hate it. I mc again in March and was due in Nov so I was fully expecting this Christmas to be different and for me to have my 6 weeks old baby but no not gonna happen. Like AJ my DH has a son and this year he is at ours for Christmas Eve and Christmas day so however hard its going to be I've got to plant a big smile on my face and do the whole has 'he' been with someone else's 7yr. Its going to be v v tough and its something we are discussing with the counsellor on how I handle it. 

Umm in laws are a problem in themselves in fact I reckon there could be a whole new thread for them. Mine so unsympathetic its frightening but my mil is not maternal at all she has a husband (not DH dad) and they are very selfish in their attitude. They never see my sil children or my ss and to this day has never invited us for Christmas or even sunday lunch. My DH sisters don't know how to react as our IF has been 'going on' for over 3yrs and tbh i think they are all bored of it. One of my sil suggested I did surrogacy and tried to tell me why it would be a good idea and don't disregard it. One she doesn't have children or even tried to get pg and two has no idea of money (told us to get a loan for 20 grand!!). I'm just glad my family (well bar my older sister) are very good about it and Christmas day will be spent with them. My twin sister will take me aside and keep me sane..We've just kind of given up with dh family which is why not being able to have our own child hurts even more as we want to create our own little family and say FO to the rest of them.

I really want to go away next year me, DH and my baby freddie (5 mth cockapoo puppy!) where we can walk on the beach, chat and get drunk on our own but with DH having his son its hard getting him to go away as he'll not see him. But honestly next year is crucial for us in our ttc journey and I think if we are no further forward he will agree to us spending it alone. 

Coping mechanisms as AJ said not sure there are many tbh apart from alcohol to blot the whole thing out (joking!). I think the only thing to do is remember its one day and we are strong enough to get through it. If you have to go to the family can you go later in the morning or stay a shortened period of time so you are reducing your exposure as it were ? I will probably go out for a walk with the dog in the morning to get a bit of me time and take myself out of the situation leaving dh with his son for a bit. Removing myself from situations and being on my own is the only way I know how to cope sometimes.

Anytime you want to rant or rave or look for support this is a great thread with some lovely ladies.

How are you *AJ * have you decided what to do next?

Hello to all the other ladies hope you are all okay as AJ said its quiet on here at the moment.

Vicky
x


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## Loui32

Hi Vicky
Thank you for such a warm welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult journey. This really is an ipossible situation to be in. I would insert a hug here but can't seem to be able to on my phone!
It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive sister. I was very close to my sister before IF barged in. She's younger than me and is on her second pregnancy. The past two Christmases have been torture for me because she has either been heavily pregnant or had her baby with her. This year she will be both. 
We usuall spend the afternoon and evening at my mum's  with all the family. We have a big buffet tea and play games. (Last year silent bingo as the baby was sleeping). If we didn't stay for the whole lot I know my mum and grandm would be upset. My grandma would probably think me selfish for resenting my sister.
Starting to think the flu idea is the only way!

Do you have any plans for further treatment?

Ps - my cat is called Freddie!
X


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## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all, 

AJ it has been quiet on her lately. How are you my lovely? 

Welcome Loui, as Vicky and AJ have said this thread is a wonderful place for support and it really helped me get through last Christmas. The ladies are wonderful and despite that fact they everyone has their own rollercoasters to endure everyone is there for each other. As for coping stratgegies, the only thing I can say is above all, be kind to yourself. Do not do anything that you dont want to do or that is likely to cause you any upset. I know this can be hard especially at Christmas as people expect certain things of you and although it may seem selfish you need to protect yourself.  

Vicky, I totally agree, we need another thread just to have a rant about insensitive in-laws/family members. Some of the most insensitive comments were made by either my or hubbies family. I think Ive probably told you all that my sis-in-law who always has to be the centre of attention got jealous of us when we got our bfp (despite knowing what we had gone through to get it) so she went out and had donor sperm IVF and got pregnant!! She said it was easy and didnt know what I had been making all the fuss about, I just needed to relax more!!! 
My parents in law were not very supportive when we were going through our treatment and have shown know interest in us throughout my pregnancy either ( at least they are consistent I suppose!!!). 

Sorry I didnt want to make this post about me, I just wanted to let you know that we all seem to have unsupportive people in our lives and it seems to be those that are closest to us and who should be there in our times of need. Ive lost alot of friends along our journey and IF has really challenged some of the relationships I have with my family. 

I also wanted to say that I would like to continue posting and following your journey's but if me posting is causing anyone upset or anxiety please let me know and I will disappear as the last thing I want to do is upset anyone. 

Big hugs to everyone xxxxx


----------



## A J

PP...dont you dare go disappearing on us my lovely lady. You are such a huge inspiration and loads of support for us. Personally I love hearing how you are getting on as a survivor of this through and through. Big hug xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Thanks AJ!! 

xxx


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## Vickytick

*pp* totally agree with AJ I would hate for anyone to feel ostracised just because they got their dream. Its not often we get good news on this thread. I do remember about your sil as I was amazed anyone could do that just to prove a point. I think you are right it's harder when family let you down. Funnily enough dh and I have discussed his family a lot recently because of counselling and the adoption process. My twin is very supportive but I fell out with my older sister back in August and we haven't spoken since. She lives abroad so it's easier to handle but like your sil I think it's jealously as she has 2 lovely girls but I'm the centre of my mum attention atm due to ttc and she thinks her daughters should rule all our lives...very sad.

*loui32* It's a toughie your predicament but I think as PP has said only do why you want to do but I fully understand the not letting anyone down and upsetting family. It's so so hard. But remember we will be here Xmas day as well as we were last year just for that rant or moral support.


----------



## suzymc

hi ladies
this thread really struck a chord with me. we must all see xmas as a goal. every year i think and dream how lovely it would be to be pregnant for christmas. it's not happened yet, so why should it happen now? i have my 4th ivf cycle coming up in 4 weeks time. One last shot this year to be pregnant. infact one last shot before i'm 37. yikes! 
the worse thing about xmas is drunk relatives going on about why we haven't produced a grandchild (insert relationship etc etc) yet. erm! it's not like we're not trying! 3 christmas's ago we spent the day barely speaking after a row the night before. we haven't spent a xmas with my in-laws since. but i think they're coming this year. it's gonna be so so hard if it's another bfn and so close to xmas. 
agh! help!
suzy x


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## MrsPootle

Evening all,

Welcome Suzi and Loui. As per what everyone else says - this thread was a godsend last year. Perhaps my take was slightly different, I'd just come to the end of another 3rd failed cycle in November and I just couldn't 'cheer up' for Xmas, to be blunt. Plus my mother was suffering badly with depression so that (selfish of me to say I know) didn't really help either. Plus, as I think we all know, you can divide years up using Christmas and I for one, have been guilty of, well, perhaps next Christmas I'll have a child or be pregnant. I'm still waiting!

Cycle 4 is hopefully going to be in November - so this puts Christmas as either bearable (if BFP) or with head in sand once again (if BFN). It's the last go for us, not that it makes it any less or more likely to work. Although I have changed clinics, just trying to stay hopeful without letting any hurt in!! 

*PP* - please don't leave - it's lovely to hear from you and as Vicky and AJ say, it gives us hope that we can get our happy endings!

Got my immunes test next Thursday - hears hoping the results are in quick and positive - as if they are it might start in October instead. But I think November is more likely (as long as FSH behaves). On a positive note - I ovulated this month - 4th time this year, which I hope is a good sign that my immune system is going easy on me again. Cross those fingers!!! 

Love MrsP x


----------



## CKay

Suzy and Loui welcome to you both     

We're all here for each other and do type and get your feelings out there I find that's a help in itself.  

PP - don't be silly !!!! 

I haven't posted for ages as nothing new going on really.  Have spoken to various adoption agencies and think we have decided which one we might like to go with so going to post our initial papers off today    I think they'll say wait when they see we only had our last round in June but we'll see.  I've been having a funny time of it of late.  Experiencing a loss of confidence all round socially and work wise.  Not sure why but hoping it's a phase.  I haven't thought about it enough yet to begin to understand why, but I think it is essentially about life not turning out the way I had planned.  Also in my line of work people are constantly critiquiing which I'm  finding it difficult to bounce back from.  Why call it constructive criticism when really it is just cruticism.  Rant over - will post more later.  Lots of    CKay xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi *ckay* it's lovely to hear from you Hun. We were told 6 months which is jan but are going to another open evening in nov with our preferred agency and aim to take the completed form with us on the off chance..you never know. Good luck with it. I think it's prob the whole acceptance thing that is making you feel a bit insecure or lacking in confidence it's a blow to our self esteem having to accept that you cant do something that others can do so easily it makes you question your ability to do everything. Personally it makes me feel like a failure which is hard to accept as I've never failed at anything.

*Mrsp* good luck thurs fingers crossed you can start earlier and have good news for Xmas.

Hello to everyone else  xx


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## A J

Mrs P...keeping everything crossed for you hun. I haven't had all my immunes tested and to be honest I'm not sure what is stopping me I'm so hoping that you get the all clear to get started asap xx

CKay...good to hear that you have sent those forms off. Fingers crossed you get a quick and positive response xx

Vicky...I totally agree with you about feeling like a failure. The only time I remember failing at anything in the past was my 'O' level French (showing my age now  ) I passed 11 others but I was so devastated at the one I failed...and I hated the subject too! I will never forget that feeling of failure which overtook the joy of passing the others. I tend to dwell on all the negatives in life and BOY is this a tough one to take. Its so difficult not to be hard on ourselves but we do need to give ourselves a pat on the back if only for the strength and courage that we show even at the lowest points xx

Suzy and Loui... how are you both doing? I hope you can use this space to help in anyway at this time of year...I personally cant do without all the special friends I have met here....big hugs to all you lovely ladies    

Tommi and Jillyhen...how are you my lovelies? Mojo...are you doing ok?  xx

PP...I hope you have decided to stay with us xx

afm...I'm getting a bit frustrated at the bleeding which has continued since medical management and my bhcg is still high. I'm using pee sticks every other day to check. I just want my body to get back to normal so that I can plan my fet. I was hoping before Xmas but looks like it wont be now    on the up side at least it will be something to keep hopeful for over that Crimbo time that early in the NY I can begin.
I'm doing all I can to get my body and mind back to normal (NORMAL...not sure thats the right word!! ) so had a lovely reflexology session last night and off to yoga now... 

AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks ladies for your good wishes - well 1.5 hours travelling to have 6 vials of blood taken then 1.5 hours to get back and I'm done.

Scary thing is, AF is due next week, so if the results are back and ok - CYCLE NUMBER FOUR STARTS NEXT WEEK.  Eeek!!!!!

Which has sent me into a tailspin!!   After wanting this to happen for so long this year (changing to the ARGC and the big move north to south has meant lots of delays)... it *could* suddenly be time to embark on the rollercoaster once more... eeeeeeeeekkkkkkk!!!! 

Anyway, first things first - if results aren't ok - it's 5 weeks of MORE humira treatment plus retest which, I think, would mean it would happen over Xmas so we'd go for January instead (as I reckon there will be closures over Xmas).

October or November is my desired outcome - I might be fractionally too late for October - but then, my protocol will start with stimming on Day 2/3 for a change..  I just want to know.  Anyway, can't hassle the clinic til Tuesday... so have to put my patience hat on.. grr!  Now I'm feeling all excited.  Someone send me to the loony farm please!! 

Hope everyone is ok - love to all,

MrsP
xx


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## Vickytick

*MRSP * Good luck and fingers crossed that it starts next week  you've waited long enough for this to start. Hopefully this means new start and new life to be created...Lets have some good news on this thread before Xmas as its been a tough year on here.

*AJ* I always have this theory, wrongly or rightly, that if I won't succeed at something I won't do it. I don't have to be the best or brillant but just be able to do it and pass. So this is tough as it does make you feel like a failure especially as you get 16yr olds able to do it with a blink of an eye. I like the idea of having the cycle to focus on after Xmas. You can be really geared up then. New Year New Start. With the immunes thing I'm now having them done via NHS as I won't pay for the MC clinic anymore I just feel like they were taking my money and applying a standard approach. I'm still doubtful over it all tbh as I've seen successes and failures with using full immunes. I've come to the conclusion that the success of a cycle is pure luck and there is not alot of science around it which is probably a controversial opinion.

*CKAY* How are you? Hopefully you are feeling much more positive and you've had an acknowledgement of your forms.

Hello to all the other ladies Tommi, Jillyhen, Suzi and Loui and to our pg lady PP. 

*AFM* - Barts finally came back to me asking for all bloods to be redone but they're still implying they need to recheck we fulfil the criteria. Think that as dh has son & the rules have changed they will pull it. I'm lucky to have got 2 cycles but if I hadn't had to change clinics this wouldn't have been an issue. So we are also busy filling out the adoption forms but struggling on referees as we need 3 that know us both as a couple but we've only been together 4 years and most of our time is spent with my sister & her bf or my sil and hubbie. You can only have 1 family referee. I said to DH most couples make their 'couple friends' through their children either NCT or school. Going to open evening on 14th Nov so will air our concerns then. The rest of the form is okay but having to analyse your own personality is tough as you could end up sounding like Mary Poppins -


----------



## suzymc

hiya ladies 
thanks for my welcomes.
Well we've just been accepted on a November IVF cycle. So i start stimming in 3 weeks time. I nearly dropped dead when she said Nov was full and it would have to be December. She told me EC would be XMAS EVE!!!! Can you believe it? I wanted to cry. Anyway after she saw my reaction to that news she started doing what she could to arrange a Nov cycle and a Nov cycle it is.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me be blessed with pregnancy news for Christmas. Wouldn't that just be amazing? I don't know if i can cope with yet another one with another BFN  

mrspootle - so me cheering up and getting into xmas is all dependant on the outcome of the above!!! there's noway i can even contemplate getting xmas pressies during a cycle though so it will be a last minute amazon job this year. we may be cycle buddies?

A J - are you on **? you may want to check out my fertility friendly recipes ?  good luck for a cycle early next year.

vickytick - good luck with analyzing your personality! maybe ask a close friend to help? good luck with the path you choose to go on

p.s. my SIL asked me last week what i'd like for christmas. needless to say i told her off and suggested she can wait until late november or actually think what i might like for once........ ugh!!!! lol

have a gr8 weekend ladies
Suzyxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!!!

Wow theres alot to catch up on at the moment. 

Firstly thanks for your kind replies saying its ok for me to hang around and stalk you all!!! This thread was such a support to me last Xmas (well not just at Xmas) and I really want to continue follow all your journey's and watch you all become mummies (in whatever way that may be i.e. IVF,surrogacy or adoption).

AJ, Im sorry to hear you are still bleeding, I hope it stops very soon so that you can move on a prepare for your FET. I agree with Vicky, perhaps a cycle in the new year will be good so that you can start the year afresh and let your body recover a bit over the Xmas. I know that the waiting is never easy though and sometimes its best just to get started again. 

Suzymc, great news on starting  your cycle next month!! I dont think I would want EC on Xmas eve either!!! I hope that you get a bfp for christmas this year!!

MrsPootle, what a trek for bloods!!! Fingers crossed that they come back ok next week and you can get cracking on your cycle, but if not then maybe you and AJ will be cycle buddies in the new year??!!!

Vicky, I can imagine that having to analyse your own personality is difficult but I suppose just be honest, we are all human at the end of the day and no-one is perfect and I dont think they expect that. I speaking as someone who works in social services so have a little bit of an insight.  I have everything crossed that they dont pull the funding for you with Barts. Keep us posted. 

Hi to everyone else, Jillyhen, Tommi and Loui. I hope that you are all well. 

xxxxx


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## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
I haven't been on for a while, life has been so hectic recently.
I do check in regularly to see what everyone is up to.
It's good to see some new faces joining us. Welcome  
PP - I'm so pleased for you and look forward to hearing your good news. As said before it gives us hope that we too can gain success in becoming mummies through our own circumstances.
Reading some of the recent posts left me in tears   as I can relate to the situations so well.
I am a primary school teacher, in a deprived area of my city, so I find Christmas really hard. Not having my own children (yet) and seeing the backgrounds/lifestyles the children I teach come from I know I overcompensate by spending money to give these children a decent Christmas present. It drives my DH mad but as Nana (aged 96) said "Well she doesn't have her own kids to spend her money on and she can't take it with her".
We have decided to go down the adoption route too. We always said if IVF didn't work this would be what we would do.
Although I wanted to have another try at IVF (with donor eggs) the tx to date has messed my body up and caused underlying problems, I didn't even know I had, to flare up. In a heart to heart my DH pleaded me not to put my body through any more as he couldn't stand seeing me in any more agony. Don't you hate it when guys are right  
We have had our training and are now waiting for the assessments to begin (probably not until Feb at the earliest). In the meantime I have to get my head around another Christmas. Note to self: Strap on that smile and ignore the empty feelings inside your heart  
A dear friend told me today in a very excited voice "It's only 70 days till Christmas. I'll have to start getting prepared". To say I had to grit my teeth and sit on my hands was an understatement  
At least we have each other and can come on here to vent our anger, tears and frustrations.
Mojo


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## MrsPootle

Hi Mojo - nice to hear from you - glad you have had some time out and sounds like you have made some big decisions.  Not sure what the next step will be for us if this cycle doesn't work... time will tell on that one.  Yep - Xmas, tsk!! Time to 'slap on the smile' and try to keep sane 

Just a quick one from me - literally just got my results - I have moved from 38.4 to 26 TnFa ratio which puts me in the league for a cycle THIS WEEK.... I think. My file is on the pile for review, but she said come in for my Day 1 blood tests when it happens.  AF is keeping me guessing but the spotting is getting heavier so I think I'll be heading in tomorrow.  I'm relieved on several levels - firstly, it means I'm good to go, secondly we haven't go to find an additional £1k to get another course of treatment.  I'm a bit worried my head isn't quite in the right place for the daily visits into London and the general stress and hassle - but hey, it had to come around sometime and I've been waiting since May.  DH, love him, but I know he will be pleased for a third reason - past ET he can have a pint of beer in one go - he's drunk only the occasional half all year, god bless him. 

So, both relieved, terrified and happy.  Got to dash to the shops - this week I cannot concentrate at all - I wrote a list of things to do this morning and I think I've managed one of the 14 items - laundry!!

Eeeekk!  Why am I so scared all of a sudden??   

Bye for now,
MrsP
xx


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## A J

Mrs P...FAB! FAB! FAB! I'm so pleased that you can get going again after all that waiting. It is scary hun, its a life changing thing and hopefully life creating thing too. I really, really hope this works for you   and we can have some good news on here xxx

Mojo...so lovely to hear from you. Yes, that time of year again to grit those teeth and put on a forced smile when needed. I'm glad you have made some decisions that are going to be right for you. Sometimes just listening to our bodies gives us the answers we are searching so hard for xx

I hope everyone else is doing ok. I have one rant for the day and it is that statue they have put up in Ilfracombe today of a pregnant woman with half of her insides exposed...I cant remember what they said on the news was the purpose of it but it most certainly doesn't do it for me...

AJ xx


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## MrsPootle

Thanks AJ.  Just read thru all the documents we were given back in May.  Doesn't look like the process has changed much  - actually I'm on short protocol so direct to stimming.  Just worrying a bit about my FSH - it hovers around 8-9, I think they won't let me start if it's over 10.  I will be gutted if I am cancelled because of this (not to mention I'll have shelled out about £300 for nothing).  Ah well.  Positive head on!  Hopefully all will be well & the humira may have lowered that too... too much to wish for?


----------



## MrsPootle

Seems awfully selfish - these me, me, me updates...

Anyway, seem to have passed my next stage - FSH is 8.5  but estradiol 190 Possibly 119 I was a bit worried by that - but they didn't seem to be.  Fingers crossed.  Next step is hideously early start to be in London for 7.30am (er, 5am get-up then since I have to cycle to station then get train then underground... etc,etc) for another blood test and a scan then a teaching lesson (sticking needles into oranges perhaps?) about how they do things at the ARGC... hmm.  Then to really upset me, they said - we'll be taking your blood pressure too - ARGH was my response to that 

So, early bed, much needed as, without going into details, I had a really big row with my mum tonight.  The conversation ended fairly ok - we were at least speaking still, although not really sure where we go from here.  She's broken my trust, not for the first time, and I was really angry.

Anyway, hope you ladies are all well, fingers crossed tomorrow - again(!).  This is really crazy this life isn't it??

Bed for me in 15 minutes I think!  Although Dallas is on tonight isn't it?

Love MrsP
x


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## A J

Mr P...I'm so happy for you hun, up and running yeah   hopefully you can get a bit of sleep tonight before you are up bright and breezy tomorrow.
I have the fear you have but with blood tests...I cant stand them...infact it gets harder not easier each time.

I really hope things get sorted with your mum     I'm sure things will feel different tomorrow.

Will be thinking of you (although maybe not at 5am if I can help it!!  ) fingers, toes and everything crossed

AJ xx


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## Vickytick

Mrsp  - that is great news. Interesting how the clinics have different barometers on fsh levels Barts have said its got to be under 15. Hope it ll went well today esp the blood pressure. Fingers crossed we get some good news on this thread.  

AJ - good to hear from you. How are you ? Didn't know about the statue but it seems v insensitive to me. 

Hello to everyone else.

Afm got my appt with Barts today on 6th nov we've got to be there all day so hoping we can start 3rd cycle sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed. 

Xx


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## MrsPootle

Ah Vickytick - glad you got your appointment thru - will be keeping fingers firmly crossed for you!

AJ - It's been a 'bad' fertility week newswise - Verity (Ilfracombe) then this morning the following 3 items on Sky News on repeat in the waiting room - conjoined twins story (a happy ending I can't be too grumpy about), lack of breast feeding costing NHS ££££s and the first abortion clinic opens in Belfast!  Terrific!  I for one think the Ilfracombe statue will look bloody awful - can't stand Damien Hirst at the best of times...

Hi to everyone else reading too.

Well - it's on!  Cycle #4 has begun.  I am SO relieved... so tired too!  Thanks for your good wishes too.  In the end they have decided to do a follicular protocol, which means a shorter downreg, so Suprecur it is again, yuk! But if its short, I won't get massively depressed at the very end like I normally do.... thank god! Was a bit disappointed that I wasn't doing a short protocol and going straight to stims, but it also means I can pop up to Liverpool this weekend to see the new kitchen work. Back in the clinic on Monday for bloods - then probably every day for 2 weeks or so.  It will be intense, but at least not all are 5am get-ups.  The downside is I am doing my Suprecur injections at 6am.  That sucks!  Only other news was a bit of an over-large follicle - could be a cyst, but they will pop it if necessary when I have a hysto sometime next week (if the Suprecur doesn't do the trick).  So fun times ahead, I'm strapped in and raring to go on the rollercoaster once more.

Anyway bed calls - no idea why I'm still up - I made it to yoga tonight but almost fell asleep several times.

Love MrsP
x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!!!

Mrs Pootle, great news on starting cycle 4!! I have everything crossed for you. Sounds like a pretty gruelling regime but soooo worth it!!! Sorry to hear that you have fallen out with your mum. I hope that you can get things sorted soon but try not to let it affect you too much as this is an important time for you. 

Vickytick, not long to wait until your appointment and fingers crossed you can get started soon so that you are not cycling over Christmas?? 

AJ, how are you my lovely? I havent seen that statue in Ilfracombe but it sounds awful!!!

How is everyone else? 

I finished work today. Hasnt really sunk in yet but sure it will when I dont have to get up for work on Monday morning!!

xxxx


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## A J

PP...I cant believe how the time has flown. It really is the countdown now. Monday will be strange for you but, so, so exciting too- just a few weeks to go!!! xxx

Vicky...so chuffed you have had an appt through...roll on the next cycle xxx

Mrs p...I hope things going well with the meds chick? xxx

Hi to everyone else..hope things are going ok? Not impressed with all the crimbo decos everywhere-did I miss halloween I'm sure its all getting earlier each year xxx

afm...I had arepeat scan today which showed the clot is still there. I'm down to spotting now and a much fainter poss on pee stick this morning. EPU staff are great not like those who work in the gynae ward i had to deal with last week. The nurse has told me that its fine to keep holding on and that I didn't need to have surgery unless I wanted to which I dont so scan in another 2 weeks. She said that hopefully when I get my period it will clear everything at the same time. Also, dont know if I mentioned it on here but i tested positive for Hidden C so me and DH are taking AB's for 25 days. Hopefully these few weeks will clear a few things and I will be a step closer to the next cycle.

Love and hugs to you all

AJ xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, Im glad the staff at the EPU are giving you good support. Hopefully the arrival of AF will give your system a good spring clean and you will be raring to go for your next cycle. Are you hoping to go again this year or will you wait until the New Year? 

I agreed about the Christmas decs..........they came out in tescos several weeks ago when Halloween was over a month away!!! Im sure that the shops used to wait until Halloween was out the way before bringing in all the Christmas stuff. Its not as if we are going to forget about it!!!!

Hi to everyone else. 

MrsP, hope you have a good trip to Liverpool this weekend to see the kitchen!!!

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*mrsp* wow back on the rollercoaster how's it going I should imagine the regime at ARGC is pretty tough going. It's the getting there and daily apps that worries me as I stress about everything so would definitely stress about that. Like you I'm coming in from Essex so a bit of a trek. They do have good results though which is the most crucial point. I'm on a ** group that started from FF and lots of them are ARGC. I did a mini survey and most of them got bfp with their first ARGC cycle when they had failed elsewhere . Do good odds.

*aj* did you get the hidden c test one through the Greece clinic? Are you looking to get going soon or wait until after Xmas now.

*PP* cricket it's all so real suddenly not long now until you are a mummy. What a great Xmas you will have. Xx

I'm looking forward to my appt as it feels like I'm doing something again. Need day 2-4 bloods but as typical af is not playing ball. Feel a bit weird as its nearly my due date from my mc in march can't help wondering what would've been especially as I know it was a girl. Onwards and upwards  xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Quick one from me.  Now on a 10 day break from ARGC - or thereabouts.  I have a cyst on the left ovary that they are trying to zap - originally they said they would pop it at the hysto, but now they are treating it with drugs instead.  Not sure why!  But effectively, my oestradiol is up because the cyst is pumping it out, so they have, essentially, bailed out of this cycle and instead are bringing forward my next period with HCG and Provera.  Madness.  Still have to get up at 6am everyday as I'm on Suprefact.  I'm ok though, in fact, pleased with the rest as I'm a bit tired from the commuting and general not knowing where the next steps are going.  One bonus of being monitored closely is they can pick things up such as this (the cyst would have caused probs at stims) but the downside is things can change one minute from the next.  But my motto is 'expect the unexpected'!

Anyway, off to yoga to have a stretch!!  More personals later I promise - love to you all xx


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## Vickytick

*mrsp* that's exactly what all the ARGC ladies tell me it's tough going but the monitoring means you are less likely to have a cancelled cycle at the most crucial point. Guess that's why you pay for. Good luck

Hello to everyone else HUGE hugs xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello everyone!

How are we all? 

Just a quickie from me to say that my little baby boy decided to arrive 2 and half weeks early on Thursday 25th Oct weighing 7lb 10. We've called him Noah Christian. I had a really good birth and we are now home and enjoying every precious moment with him. 

Big hugs to everyone. I will do personals when I have a bit more time on my hands!!!

xxx


----------



## Tommi

What wonderful news PP!  
Huge congratulations! I hope you are enjoying every minute  
Txx

PS Hi to everyone else!  I hope you are all doing OK  Sorry for my silence. After the miscarriage I got stuck into work and it has been a great distraction. I'm now trying to sort out what to do next... stay with my clinic here or pop over to see Penny in Athens... xx


----------



## MrsPootle

PP Big super huge smiley  from me. Wonderful news !Relax & enjoy! ;-)
Vickytick - yeah, I can't complain. Whereabouts are you in Essex? I'm in Chelmsford we should meet up for a natter before or after I'm out of the clutches of the ARC. 
Tommi - nice to hear from you & you sound well. Keep the faith, we will all be Mummies eventually xx
Hi to everyone else!
No change for me, still downregging at 6am and still no brought forward bleed. Just trying to get other stuff done whilst I have time. Might even start on the Xmas shopping!


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## Vickytick

*PP* What *fab* news so good to hear lovely news on this thread for a change I was starting to think us poor ladies were blighted.  Im doing lots of  at home for you. Lovely name as well.

*Tommi* Nice to hear from you glad you are doing okayish and you are thinking about what to do next. A plan always helps me keep my mind off things. THe counsellor can't believe we are juggling so many things: adoption, recurrent miscarriage clinic and third IVF. I need to have a goal or focus or I'll go mad. Its been a tough year for you so hopefully you're going to have an easier end to 2012.

*Mrsp* I'm in Billericay so literally down the road and I do all my shopping - clothes and food - in Chelmsford as I've grown up in the area. Yes when you are free from your ARGC antics let me know and we can meet up 

Hello to everyone else I hope you ladies are all okay 

x


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## MrsPootle

Vickytick that would be lovely to meet up. I'll pm you once I know more about what the heck I'm doing!
AJ how's things going?
Hugs to everyone else.
Being driven nutty by the Suprecur & the waiting. Other than being moody there is not a single sign of anything turning up at all. I'd really hoped the Provera would work within 10 days from the hcg shot. Wondering if its worth trying to travel to Liverpool to do some house stuff with the proviso I'll dash back when needed (they need me in on day 2). Started to think about planning for work post cycle. Put out some feelers for London working but this has resulted in ppl  jumping the gun & passing me for a cv.  So I'm just hoping that things will calm down but I can see me ringing on Friday as it could mean a Sunday clinic visit which you need to forward them of. 
Wish I was feeling a bit more positive but I guess its the Suprecur... 
Cheerio for now. When I have some news I'll let you know.
Oh yes, sorted things with my mum so that's good.
Love MrsP x


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## Mojo72

PP - I'm delighted to hear your news  . That;s a good weight for being two weeks early and what a lovely name. Enjoy every moment of being a mummy, you deserve it.
Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all doing well.
Mojo


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## CKay

pp -      lovelty news, and lovely name enjoy Noah.

Tommi - Think you know I've been out to Serum 3 times Penny is lovely.  Anything you want to know pm me.

Vicytick- hope it gets easier with all the juggling   

Mrs P - hope AF comes soon for you.  Maybe the HCG put it off - when I've had provera its usually arrived 7 days later.  Stick with it.

Mojo -    hope all OK.

AFM - still going down adoption route waiting on an LA (Local Authority)to get back to us about their info night.  Will need to chase them up I think.  I'm hearing dreadful things about some LA's turning people down.  I have to say the break has been nice we've been able to finally get a new shower and going to have kitchen retiled with new work tops which I've wanted to do for so long but money always went to IVF savings.  Also planning a lovely holiday so it's nice to have things to look forward to.

Hugs all CKay xxx


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## MrsPootle

Excellent CKay - glad to hear things are moving forward for you and you've sneaked a few treats in too!!  Thanks for the advice re: provera - looks like the witch is on her way... well, from the stomach cramps I'm suffering at least.  

Hiya Mojo - hope all is well x

AFM - So looks like a trek into London on Sunday and then, hopefully - I'm back on and things will get underway.  Suprefact is driving me demented - I was feeling quite down yesterday but have perked up a bit.  Wasn't impressed by catching my little finger on the syringe needle this morning - I was trying so hard not to wake up lol.  One good thing is my stomach is COMPLETELY unbruised - a major feat given I've been injecting for over 2 weeks now...


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## MrsPootle

Ok - quick one from me - also known as Moaning Myrtle... 
Bit of a delay but finally AF is here!


Which means the 'Day of Reckoning' is tomorrow - possible outcomes are things continuing and a hysto on Tuesday   or, cancelled cycle   ... should know by tomorrow evening.... really hope it's the former as given I've been on Suprecur for 17 days....


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## Debs

Hi ladies  

My apologies for butting in on your thread but I just wanted to talk to you about it.

I will in the next few weeks be starting a new thread for coping with christmas for this year to help those who are struggling with the run up to christmas etc.

Of course I appreciate that since December 2011 you have a nice little group set up here - and I in no way wish to disrupt you all chatting together    But this thread will indeed attract a lot of new attention and you may find your usual chat alot more busier with new people.

With this in mind I just wanted to outline an option that may appeal to those of you who wish to continue chatting amongst your little group - and that is to set up a new thread specifically for you in the Chit Chat Long Term Buddies area which can be found in the General section of the site.  There you could continue this group albeit I would need a new name for you all  

Of course you will all be welcome to use the new Coping with Christmas 2012 thread should you wish to do so  

I just wanted to give you both options and ask if you could decide amongst yourselves if you would like me to make a new home for you or if you would prefer to use the new Christmas thread.

I will look at your replies (of course you can pm me if you prefer) and on Sunday next week will ask you for your answer.

If you need any further help/information please dont hesitate to shout - as I say Im just trying to keep you all together in the best way  

Love

Debs xxx


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## A J

Wow...so much to catch up on. But, just a quickie this evening.

PP...CONGRATULATIONS my lovely lady. What fantastic news       A great success amongst us which shows that it can be done. I hope you are well and enjoying every minute of mummy hood. I'm sure we will all be with you one day. I'm so chuffed for you. keep us updated... xxxx 



Debs...thank you for your post. I know its amazing that we are still calling ourselves 'Coping with Xmas' a year on but we have seen each other through so much that we have just carried on chatting and I for one would really like it to continue. 

I do agree that there may well be many more people looking for support at this time of year and a new thread for this would be great. 
Your suggestion of moving us on to a general chat thread and keeping us together seems to work for me and I would happily continue to chat with all the lovely friends I have met here and chat with new friends on a new Christmas thread.
What does everyone else think?

I will post again with personals tomorrow. Got back from Spain early hours of the morning and ended up with a days supply teaching today so shattered!!! Hugs to you all  
AJ xx


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## Kelloggs

Never posted on this section before, but as i am struggling at the moment i think i need to! My sister has just recently got her BFP, she had only come off the pill for a couple of months... i've been trying for 3 years this xmas. I have avoided her so far but as christmas is looming i am forced to make a decision, do i be brave and go to my mums with both sisters, one with 3 kids, one thats just pregnant? or shall i be at home with my husband and puppy? if i stay at home it will cause arguement with the fam and i wont see my nieces and nephew. BUT by xmas my 3rd round`of clomid is gonna be over, either success or failure, if it fails i really dont think i can cope with everyone cooing over my pregnant sister  sorry for the essay here. Just driving myself mad at the moment. x


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## Vickytick

Welcome Kellogg's this is a really nice little group. Sorry to hear its been rough for you every Christmas for the last few years I've thought next year it'll be different but it hasn't been yet!

*aj* how was Spain ? Good you've got work but you must be emotionally shattered as well.

*pp* how's motherhood going getting much sleep 

*mrsp* how did I go is it all steam ahead or cancelled hopefully the former.

*ckay* I've also heard horror stories about rejection and it scares me how'd I'd cope with both nature and social workers telling me I wasn't good enough to be a mum when there are child abusers and lots of unfit mothers young and old out there free to procreate whenever it suits them. Good luck we've got an open evening next week. Hope it goes well for you they'd be mad not to take you. It must be almost a relief now you've made the decision as you can move on.

Hello to everyone else.

Afm we had appt at Barts staff lovely but hosp not so great think we've been spoilt by having nhs treatment at private clinics. They say I should be able to start jan/feb contrary to dh opinion I definitely think my chasing has helped this. They just need approval from my cardiologist before they start even though if had 2 IVF cycles already. I'm hoping it won't be a show stopper. Xx

*debs* I'm like AJ I like our little group so would be in favour of moving us and then starting another new one for this year. Thanks


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## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!!

AJ, hope Spain went well and you arent too tired??

Debs, I agree with the other ladies, I like our little group and would be happy for you to move us. 

Welcome Kelloggs. I totally understand your prediciment. You have to do what is right for you and dh and ignore eveyone else (I know easier said than done but you must come first). 

Mrs Pootle, any news?

Vickytick, good news on poss start date of jan/feb. Its good that the staff are nice as it really helps to make the whole thing easier but I know what you mean about the difference between private and nhs facilities. 

AFM,loving every moment with little Noah. He is worth every ounce of heartache we went through....I really hope that all you lovely ladies get to experience motherhood whether it be through ivf/adoption etc. 

big hugs all round

xxxx


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## A J

Trying to take some breaths today and get myself back together.....

Tuesday I had a rescan in the EPU to check on the clot left after m/c. I had bled loads while in Spain (more than af) only to find that the clot showed bigger on the scan  
So, decided to try medical management again crossing the corridor from EPU to ward and taking the meds all over again (third time lucky...or not as it turned out to be) Spent the day there and nothing happened...my body is blooming useless! I was given the decision of waiting and hoping my body reabsorbs it or having an ERPC which I reluctantly decided to do. So, I went home 8.45pm Tuesday to go back at 10am yesterday....a horrendous experience in so many ways. I think I freaked the anaesthetist out by bursting into tears when he tried to put the needle in my hand- he ended up giving me a shot of diazepam to calm me down.
But hopefully I can put this behind me now and move on as I have bled constantly for 2 months, just a couple more days hopefully...

Sorry about the 'me' post. Hope your all ok? kelloggs- hi. Welcome to a lovely group of ladies who have kept me sane on many an occasion  
AJ xx


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## Vickytick

*aj* that all sounds horrific. I really hope that this cycle finally comes to an end for you and you can start to move on physically. Huge cyber hugs . This is this journey at its absolute worst with PP showing the absolute best. Xxx

*pp* glad it's going well with Noah and you are enjoying motherhood. This is going to be a grey Christmas for you. Xx

Xxx


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## MrsPootle

AJ - Big huge comforting arms are being sent your way   Like Vicky said, I really hope the bleeding comes to an end soon xx
PP - Glad to hear motherhood is suiting you well xx
Kellogs - Hello!! Welcome to our little group xx
Vicky - Good to hear you have lots of plans on the go - always makes me feel better  xx

I am in agreement with everyone about shuffling us somewhere else and setting up a new thread for 2012 Xmas'ers.  I did email Debs to say that we did, at some point, have a number of names we thought of earlier this year.  I'll have a look when I've got more time.

Ah yes, and can't remember where we were up to but I'm stimming  !! Whoop, whoop!  My cyst had gone from the left ovary only for me to get one on the right, so I still had a small op to get that out on Monday along with a hysteroscopy.  This all came back good, aside from suffering the clumsiness anesthetist on the planet (honestly, he was wiggling the needle around so much that all of a sudden my arm was spurting blood like something from a horror film) and a little bit of distress as I had a coughing fit as I went under.  This isn't filling me with pleasure for EC I can tell ye!  The routine is pretty gruelling, every morning is spent travelling to London, getting bloods and/or scans done, then you wait for a phone call with your next directions.  This will continue like this til mid week.  Then I get double bloods/scans morning and afternoon with a wait for the phone call.  And I have to carry meds with me at all times in case they want me to TAKE IT NOW!  I've had two of these over the past two days.  But if it gets to the BFP then it will be worth it.  I've had my NK cells checked yesterday so I should find out if intralipids are on the menu over the weekend.  Fun, fun, fun!  

But anyway, so far, so good - will let you know when the main event arrives.  I am feeling fairly chilled unless I think of the outcome (negative = heartbreak, positive = financial breakdown as more meds will be required to try to keep things going).... so I'm not doing anything but taking one day at a time.

Right - bed calls as I have another 5.45am start tomorrow....


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## Tommi

Hi ladies  

A lot to catch up.

AJ - so sorry to hear you've had such a traumatic time    I really hope that now things can start to heal. Have they put you on iron supplements? I have only just found out that I was very low after my erpc. The lab had flagged it up to my GP surgery that I am iron deficient but the GP that received the results told me my iron levels were normal. I kept on asking and eventually got a print out which showed they were way below normal. Spoke to a different GP and he told me to take supplements. Now I'm having to delay treatment until my iron levels recover so I really recommend getting it checked asap and insisting on getting a print out of results so that if a dozy GP thinks anaemia is normal you can sort out treatment for yourself! Sending you lots of healing vibes. You've been through such a lot.

PP - fabulous! You give me so much hope!  

Kellogs - welcome! So hard facing decisions like that. Can you talk to your Mum about it and let her know how difficult you're finding it? 

Vickytick - good luck with your plans! 

MrsP - Good luck!  

I would really like this group to continue too. Can't believe it's nearly Christmas again! And it's my birthday today so I'm trying to cope with being 43 and not 42. Another birthday, another load of treatment over the last year and still no baby. Oh well! I'm having a day off today and going to Covent Garden for a wander and dinner. Then seeing a show tonight. Can't wait. Going to try to put everything behind me and start a new year with new hope!

Huge hugs all round ladies!

Txx


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## A J

Happy Birthday Tommi...I know where you are coming from I'm 43 too! I hope you enjoy your day    

Thanks for the thoughts on iron. They did a full blood count when I was there and I wasn't told the results so I will chase them up xx

Mrs P...I'm glad i didn't have your anaesthetist or I wouldn't be here to tell the story- needles are not my thing   hope your coping ok with all of this hun? xx

AJ xx


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## MrsPootle

AJ - Sort of 'coping'.  Having a wobble this evening as they have sprung that I'll have Viagra and Clomid as part of the cycle Think I'm just overtired.  Got bloody engineering works on the Chelmsford-London line as well so I'm driving to Billericay.  But nothing a good night's sleep won't solve   <- I look like that at the moment!! xx

Tommi - belated Happy birthday!  Hope you had a nice time xx


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## Happycatz

Fantastic thread glad I've come back to Ff I need you more than ever x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Morning ladies!

Just a quickie from me today....

Happy belated birthday wishes Tommi! 

AJ so sorry to hear what an awful time of it your are having at the moment. I hope the bleeding stops soon so you can put this all behind you and look forward again. 

Mrs Pootle, I bet you are exhausted, what an intense treatment cycle you are having. All worth it when you get that long awaited bfp though??!!!

Vickytick, hope you are well?

Hi to everyone else. 

xxxx


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## Mojo72

Hi Everyone,
I can't believe so much has happened since I was last on (10 days ago)!
AJ- Sorry to hear what a terrible time you have been having. Hope the bleeding stops soon.  
Mrs Pootle - I can't believe what an intense tx timetable you have. My head is in a whirl just reading it  
PP - I'm so happy for you and baby Noah. I'm sure you are enjoying every moment of motherhood, as well you should.
Kellogs - Welcome!
Happycatz- Welcome back
Everyone else I have missed I hope you are all well in your various stages of tx/adoption.

AFM - We had the next part of the adoption training on Tuesday and got some good news. The assessments will now be starting for many of us in January (it was going to be April at the earliest) as several sibling groups have come to the head of the list since our last lot of training in July. Those to be assessed will receive a letter soon. DH is convinced the woman stared at us when she said that and it's a sign. I will not get excited until I actually have the letter in my hands.


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## Vickytick

*mojo72* hello lovely glad to hear things are looking up or you everything crossed that stare was significant. Good luck 

*aj*definitely get your iron levels checked as you've been through so much I'd be surprised if they weren't low at the moment. Hope you are feeling better. Xx

*happycatz* welcome back xx

*tommi* happy belated birthday hope you had a fab day and enjoyed yourself its the least you deserve. Xx

*mrsp* fingers crossed its all going okay for you and the daily trips aren't getting you down too much it's Pugh but the end result will be worth it. Hang on in there. 

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay.

*debs* let us know our new name and home ) xx


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## Debs

Hi Ladies  

Thanks for your pm's and messages on the thread - it looks like you will all be moving home shortly  

I will go back and take a look to earlier on in the year when you were discussing new names for your thread and see what I can find there - alternatively if anyone has any suggestions then please feel free to share them  

I will aim to do this in the next few days (wont be tonight as I have a date with Ant n Dec in the jungle   ) but will give you 24 hours notice and of course will leave a link to your new home.

Thanks again.

Love

Debs xxx


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## Vickytick

Hi Debs have you thought about our new name and home? X


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## MrsPootle

Just a tiny update from me - yes, I'll try to keep it short!

Things going pretty well with the ARGC, I'm on day 12 of stims and feel about to pop.  The massive amount of monitoring and tailoring of meds has made me feel pretty secure and I've met some lovely ladies along the way.  I think I may be triggering tomorrow.  I've got about 10+ follicles on the left and about 8 on the right, the biggest being 2.4cms the rest looking near to 1.6-1.8cms.  I had started with around 12-14 earlier in the week but this has ramped up.  A bit nervous about the quality, but lets see how many have viable eggs.  I lied when I said to the doc earlier today 'if you're not worried, I'm not worried'.

So it comes all to quickly to EC in the next couple of days.  I think I'm just about bankrupt!  This week alone was £1,700 in blood tests and meds (scans are, at this point 'free' although this means included in the main IVF fee).

Scared and nervous.  But after all the water / milk / protein drinks, protein and gluten free diet and masses of drugs (changing almost daily) we've given it our best shot.  DH is yet to obviously contribute(!) but he's been off the booze for the best part of a year and is diligently trying to time things so they are 'optimal' (snigger)!

Will be in touch when there is more news.  Thanks everyone for being complete rocks to me this year - I think I would have gone insane without you xxx


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## Tommi

Mrs P that all sounds wonderful! I have everything crossed for you.    

Txx

PS Thanks for the birthday wishes ladies! I had a lovely day


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## Penelope Pitstop

That sounds really positive Mrs P. I have everything crossed for EC for you.

Tommi, glad that you had a nice b'day. 

Hopw everyone else is well? 

xxx


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## Tommi

Happy Sunday everyone! It's a very sunny one here.

Happycatz - how are you doing? 

CKay - just remembered I didn't ever reply re your offer to help me with Serum planning - thank you! I'm sure I will be in touch!

Txx


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## MrsPootle

No trigger!! And at risk of OHSS overnight!!  So coasting again tonight - which I hope doesn't carry on too long.  I'm absolutely shattered, up at 5am and back at 7pm after long day of crap trains.  Gulping down the water (which I had been doing religiously anyway) and the milk and downing the protein....

Fingers crossed tomorrow happens, and that the worst case scenario of developing OHSS doesn't happen.... an E2 level of 15k is a bit frightening really.... although apart from discomfort in my tummy I feel generally ok.

x


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## Tommi

Oh Mrs P! Everything crossed that OHSS stays away and EC can happen v soon    
Txx


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## Debs

Hi girls,

Just to update you that I will be moving you tomorrow night   

I have to apologise I have been poorly with an ear infection and bad cold so havent been online much this week so I havent read back to your suggested names - but I will  

I will leave a link on here as to where you will all find your new home and will lock this thread so that it prompts people to find your new home  

Love

Debs xxx


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## Tommi

Thank you Debs!

Mrs P how are you doing?  

Txx


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## Jillyhen

Hello everyone

How are we all??


Sorry ive been a bit awol.. Havent really been on ff as much as ive no laptop at home...

Not much craic start the preparation to adopt classes tomorrow..

Jillyhen


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## MrsPootle

Jillyhen - that sounds like great news!  Good luck with the classes.

Tommi - I'm not bad - how's you?  Good birthday then?

Debs - thanks, you are a star and I hope you are feeling better 

Vickytick & PP - hope everything is ok with you

Well, I triggered today!!!  My 2nd bloods showed it had gone from 15k to 17k but thankfully it was down to 13k this morning and the afternoon test must have been better as they have allowed me to go ahead (albeit on a 0.75 dose).  Feel exhausted but after 16 days of trekking into London (bar one day) but every morning being either a 5am or 6am get up, it feels good to look forward to a lie in.  Then we are off to stay the night before EC in London - neither of us wanted any cancelled trains to get in the way.

Cross those fingers please!!!  Will keep you posted - I still have masses of follicles but whatever will be will be (as Doris Day said), and I am trying to remain positive/optimistic.

xx


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## Debs

Hi girls - as promised here is the link to your new home 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=297664.new#new

If anyone struggles to find their way please let me know - you are now officially titled *" Golden Christmas Crackers"*

Love

Debs xxx


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