# In limbo, do you feel your life is on hold while TTC No2 ?



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Ladies,

I had my son by IVF and we were going to use our frozen embies this month.  However after finding out I was ovulating naturally for the first time in 3 years we are going to try naturally for 6 months and then use the embies in the Summer if needed.

Already I feel angry with myself, because although promising myself I wouldn't, I am in to the obsessing every month about pregnancy symptoms in my 2 ww.  I am planning s*x around ovulation and then just wishing my life away and convincing myself that I must be pregnant because I felt different this month.

I would also like a holiday and wanted to do college course's, but I am putting it off in case I get pregnant. I was then down for 2 days because my period started and I honestly hate myself for being like this.  

Anyway, does anyone have any ideas on trying to have a life away from TTC?  Or how I can stop obsessing? Perhaps hibernating for the 2ww every month will be a good idea : )

Stacey
x


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## rosebud5 (Apr 19, 2005)

Stacey,


I'm in almost exactly the same situation.  Our son was born in December 2009 and now we are considering whether to go for an FET or try naturally for it bit.  After one month of trying I started obsessing again and its not surprising really.  Infertility is a traumatic event and the experience we both went through to have our children is not something that disappears even when you are lucky enough to have your prayers answered.  I'm afraid I don't have an easy answer, especially when I obsess and can feel very negative myself.  However, I do try to hold onto these thoughts.  


I'm a Mum!  Isn't that great!? I honestly believed for a while back that it wouldn't happen.  I always said, with tears running down my face, when a treatment hadn't worked (and there were many), I'm never going to be a Mum! 


Although we had to wait for 6 years for our first baby, we are still at the very beginning of our quest for this baby.  Who knows - it might not take that long this time.  


At least you know this time your body actually is capable of having a baby.  I don't know about you but I wondered before.  


Keep busy!  Do the course and take the holiday - even if there was nothing wrong with you it could take years to have a baby.  I put a lot on hold waiting for our son and then I realised what a mistake it was - not only do you not have the baby you want but you also don't have the holiday or the career move that you would have enjoyed and who knows, it might tempt fate, I sometimes think, if you have to go to the inconvenience of reorganising a holiday or course.  


Also, try not to think of it as a disaster if you don't have another baby.  I know many happy, well adjusted, chilled out so called "only children".  So don't feel guilty about wee one not having a brother or sister.  You've done so much for him already.  My husband often tells my oblivious one year old how determined and unrelenting my efforts were to bring him into existence.


If this is to be my only experience of motherhood then I have to squeeze every bit of happiness out of it.  If my time is diverted (and inevitably it is going to be but not too much hopefully) away from the child that I do have, to have another, then we are both missing out on special time that we can't get back.  


I hope that helps a little bit and doesn't sound patronising.  I am not able to think positive happy thoughts all the time and you may well see more desperate posts from me on here as time goes by.    We're at the beginning of round 2 of this make a family business and we deserve to feel hopeful!!


I really hope everything works out well for you and that you are soon dusting down the mosses basket again.


xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Rosebud,

Thanks for taking the time to reply and I am glad to hear I am not the only one you feels like this.  

I was setting myself deadlines of when I wanted to be pregnant by and keep on comparing this TTC with last time and panicing.  I am now 37 yrs old and had decided that If possible  want another within the next year or two at the latest, however now I am thinking that if it takes longer then so be it.  My hubby also reminded me that it took my sister-in-law a year to fall pregnant and there is nothing wrong with her.

I have talked my DH in to us having a nice fun holiday in the sun with our boy, so I am looking forward to that.  I am also going to having a look at the college courses and go for it to.

Thanks again.

Stacey


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