# Its all over :(



## maxmarnie (Oct 27, 2005)

Me and my boyfriend split up today things have been so tense what with the fertility treatment and recent miscarriages and he's been working nights for the past month, I have been so angry in myself and haven't been able to talk to him without him getting angry or misinterpreting what I am trying to say. This morning though I lost it and threw a ceramic cereal bowl complete with spoon which smashed as it hit his head, it was like my anger took over me that had built up over the weeks and in that moment I was out of control. I love my boyfriend dearly and we live together, I really want to sort it out, but don't know what to do, since he's been workng nights we are like 2 different people I am unhappy and I don't suppose he is all that chuffed with the way things are, maybe I should of stopped the fertility treatment as I know that causes me alot of anger and frustration, but I am not sure there is any way back for us on his part and I don't blame him, I wish I could turn back time, I can't believe its going to all be thrown away. I am sooo unhappy . Maybe if my test was positive in 6 days it may be our saving grace, although im on day 24 and have sore boobs since ov and just feel like well throwing cereal bowls I guess.  

Max.


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## sparkle (May 30, 2004)

Hi maxi, so sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend. I know what it's like to feel so angry and being short tempered and it is all to do with the fertility treatment it sends our hormones overboard. Just give him some time for him to sort his head out and also for you to sort yours out. Hope everything works out for you.
Take Care Alison xx


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

It is a very stressful time for you both. Don't know w hat else to say really. 
Sending you big  . LKove Mel***


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

Hi, 

I just wanted to send u a message of support. IF causes so much pressure on any relationship.  Some days I'm surprised that DH and I are still hanging on.  I hope it works out for you. Take care, 

Tracy xx


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Max
when i was on clomid, i was an absolute witch - the mood swings were horrendous - I threw a clothes rack at dh and when it missed picked it up and tried to squeeze his head thru it   I can honestly say im not an angry or violent person but the hormones or whatever just took over and it felt like PMT x 10  - i think it may very difficult for you to see things clearly whilst on clomid -  and its hard that he's working nights as when you try to talk one of you is bound to feel tired and thats when arguments start - maybe you could just agree to give each other space with no hard discussions and on the days you are not working go out somewhere together and agree not to mention any 'issues' eg fertility tx, £ etc - i hope you sort things out 
thinking of you
casey


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## ♥Saila♥ (Mar 27, 2006)

Hello, I hope everything works out for you both. It's such a difficult time for any relationship, I really hope and wish you the best of luck!! I'm sure things will work out for the best!!


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## carrie3479 (Nov 30, 2005)

Hi Max,
I hope you sort out everything between you and DP. its such a rollercoaster of emotions. i have told my DH to leave on numerous occassions to find some one who can give him children, but he tells me "i love you for you, children are a bonus". maybe a few months break from tx is what you need. get all those hormones settled down. some time just for you and DP to enjoy yourselves and not worry about everyday stuff. i know that when i was on 2ww and leading up to tx i worried about every little thing i did.
take care lots of    sent your way.
Corrina


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey hun

firstly massive hugs

secondly - i have been there- clomid mad me phyco! and also tx made me feel so bad in a sence of "how come others can get preg why cant we"

i think you need to take some time out from ttc and get your self and your relationship back on track as without a strong relationship your find it hard going through treatment

u ahve to say for me and my dh we have ben ttc for over 7yrs now however we are stronger then ever- dont get me wrong we still have our bad days- never used to fall out ever b4 treatment however as alot of people on here will say tx and ttc does take you sadly to a dark place at times however you need to remeber to be there for each other

when it comes to talking to my dh and getting things said without them being misunderstood(esp if im angery or tearful) i write him a letter- may sound mad but makes sence as you can get everything down without feeling the need to throw things(im naff at throwing things- have tried but failed) 

feel free to IM me if you want any time hun

hope what i wrote makes sence

hugs

MJ
x


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## Emma74 aka Emmett (Dec 31, 2005)

Hi Max

I went through exactly the same 2 weeks ago we werent speaking for 2 days because of him finding ivf un natural etc, he also wouldnt give me a date when he would go for his sa and blood tests, so i was upset thinking he doesnt want kids with me etc, then he said that because i came on here i was getting desperate and its all i think i about..told him that i felt it easy talking to people who understood.. anyway we had a blazing row he was going to move out etc etc, then he calmed down and so did i and he said that he was just scared and was also fed up of people at work asking him "when it was his turn to be a dad" i told him in future if anybody asks tell them were infertile  that will shut them up!!!
All im trying to say is let him calm down or send him a text or something telling him how much you love him and how all this is probably down to the IF and maybe arrange a meal somewhere and talk about how you both feel, it maybe that he has been trying to be strong for you but cracking up inside as he has feelings too.
I hope everything works out for you honey let us know how you get on.

Take care
Emmaxx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Hi Max 

From one hormonal clomid chick trust me I know how you feel, I'm sure anyone with IF knows where you are coming from.  Sometimes I have to rush out of the house before I lose it with dh when he hasnt done anything wrong.  

Is there any time when he won't be on nights?  Or could he have some time off, it might do you good to spend some quality time together do you think?   Give him some space, I'm sure he is hurting, and is hurting that you are hurting too.  I hope you can sort things out xxxxx


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## Bratt (Sep 21, 2005)

So sorry Hunny, I know what you are saying, we are struggling too, have given up on tx to try to get back to 'us'

It is so hard, I can hardly remember who I used to be

Jen
x


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## maxmarnie (Oct 27, 2005)

Thanks for all your support my heart goes out to all of you some really good advice there some things my friends and family have also told me which has really helped, has really brought to light a few things I need to change, I think the IF needs to hold to concentrate on us. I really hope he comes round and its not too late, we were texting today which has been better than talking, I got to know a bit about how he was feeling which made a nice change, he still loves me more than anything but feels I have ruined things for good now, hopefully I can address my anger by concentrating on the good things we have and not what we haven't got, and losing the Clomid!. Ironically he started back on days today one day too late 

Max
x


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## carrie3479 (Nov 30, 2005)

hi max,
glad to hear you are texting, at least thats a good step. i have to agree with M J, when ever i have had a falling out no matter how big or small i find it so much easier putting it in a letter. it breaks the ice and gets you on the road to talking again. hope everything gets back to "normal" (if there is such a thing for people going through IF) asap.   
take care
Corrina x

ps. i notice your in west sussex - SNAP me too!!


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## Emma74 aka Emmett (Dec 31, 2005)

Max

Glad to hear you have been texting   you havent ruined things for ever like i said earlier i have been there got violent too just the clomid (although no excuse) but he understood and i flung a fan at him too last summer   poor bloke he was fine after he said how he really felt about the IF and now talking regularly about it which helps 

Good luck honey


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## maxmarnie (Oct 27, 2005)

We managed to talk today, and he willingly gave me a hug! he doesn't want me to leave and is deciding on whether to start afresh, although he doesn't know how things are going to change so told him what I was going to do I have decided to get rid of anything to do with fertility have a big break just for my sanity (let my sister look after it all) and then I am going to address my anger with the doc and then I'm going to only make love when I really feel happy to make love. I suppose it has taken this to shake me up and get my head sorted out. I could of of lost everything but I want to do as much positive as I can't to scrape us back from the brink. Thanks for all your support x

Max
x


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi max 
plz read my post i have set up on the relationship,sex&bms ,i have started 2 post  plz read both u might relate to some of my probs 
as i too was in the same bout as u and me and dp have agreed only last wk that it is time we take abreak from ttc 
as all i can see is us getting the BFP and me ending up a single parent 

i want to have a baby to enjoy to loving parents not 2 that are stressing out at each other all the time 

since we agreed to stop ttc the pressure has lifted and touch wood (my pc table )
we havnt rowed all wk we are feeling relaxed already 
i know we have got a long way to go b4 we are the way we used to b but i think we can sort things out
i believe that we have got something worth fighting for and if that means taking a break from wot we both want so much then that is wot we must do 
i hope this is the case for u that ttc can help restore ur restore ur relationship 

there are so many couples who carnt carnt stay strong enough wen going through IF probs they end up splitting up over it ,i hope me and you will be able to come bak on here ofter our break and tell a more posative story 

i wish you and ur dp the best of luck 
and most of all enjoy each other 
take care steph


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## YorkshireSue (Jan 26, 2006)

We're all here for each other and thats such a comfort. You can always talk to your FF friends!!


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi max 
im so glad u went and read my post 
i really hope u can sort things out with dp
wen i 1st came on this site  i was talking to girls on here telling then all my IF probs and reading about their probs then i started to feel like i was on my own as everyone sounded very happy with their DP/DH and there was me not having a gr8 time with mine 
i started to think why am i doing all this ?
why am i going to all my hospital appointments?
why am i talking about ttc wen our sex life had become non excistant?

then after reading post from others i had realised that im not on my own anymore 
and that all the problems we are having are all part of the nasty( I.F )road
and i started to realise that i had to fight for wat i have as many couples going through (I.F)
have split up coz of the stress of it all .
i have a friend who i work with who had been going down the (I.F) rd and her and her  (EX) DP 
have now split up and gone their own seperate ways  their relationship wasnt stronge enough to survivethe long nasty rd 
i am convinced that mine is stronge enough and i am sure that urs is to
we have to fight for wot we want 
dot only do we need to feel special we need to make our DP'S feel special aswell 

last wk i was talking in a different frame of mind i was convinced that i had come to the end that i couldnt carry on with the relationship anymore as we were being so cold with each other
me on the P.C every nite and DP watching T.V all nite and we were not really talking to each other and worst of all we werent making love anymore .
i had gone past wanting to have BMS i just wanted us to make love so we could feel close again 
talk about putting a wedge between us u could ov put a brick wall between us 

untill i wrote all my feelings down on my thread ,got replies bak from other members and then asked DP to read them all ,as each time i tried to talk to him the words would come out wrong and or i would star crying and be able to finnish wot i had started
but since DP has read the post and the replies things have been so different 
at last i feel close to him for the 1st time in at least 12mths 
i big part of it is agreing to stop ttc for a while 

and YES starting to have the ANN SUMMERS parties again has played a good part in spicing things up again
i had my friend round wed nite getting everything ready for the party and we had the clothes and the toys out and my DP and my friend have always got on really well ,she is the only 1 who knows everything that we have gone through including lack of sex life ,and DP knows that she knows everything and is fine with it coz she doesnt judge she see's both sides of things and will offer him support aswell as me 
so wen we opened all the stuff up me and  my friend were asking dp for a males point ov view so that we could recomend different things at the party 
we had such a laugh getting ready for the party ,it was like old times as wen i 1st met dp i was addicted to ANN SUMMERS i would hold a party about every 6wks and with my commition built up a good suply of nice things (lol)
so that nite things really did spice up( i got my back pay . lol)   

i had the party last nite and it went really well wot a laugh we had 
i had a lot of intentions for wen dp gome bak home but we were both a bit drunk and fell asleep on the sofa together 
ok all didnt go to plan but it was so nice just to both fall asleep cudled on the sofa as it has been along time since we even lay on the sofa together 

plz max if things r still rocky then if u havnt already then ask ur DP to read the post on the threads 
i wot i have wrote on mine relates to u and DP then feel free to show him mine 
i didnt think anything was going to get through but using the post to get ur DP to realise how desperate u r to save wot u have got is the best way that i have found 

do keep in touch and lket me know how u r doing    

luv steph


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## maxmarnie (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi Steph,

It was great reading yur thread, made me chuckle  especially the making up for lost time bit hehe. Me and dp have had a good few days dp hasn't been at work and we have been working on getting our garden sorted, in dp's job theres been been alot of work thrown at him lately and I defently think the pressure has contributed to the tension in our relationship hes really not looking forward to going back, someone has spoken to him about another job he could be interested in which makes me feel a little happier that he's considering someting different. I feel better for not concentrating on the fertility side of things but still crave my fix now and again, but done no charting, temp taking or following cycle days so been going well so far, me and dp have both been making concious efforts with each other and it feels like we have new respect for each other, and I feel really close to him at the moment which makes me realise how the IF can reck lives as it can replace feelings of love and contentment with feelings of anger, controlling and selfishness, so I guess theres has been some good out of it as feel a weight off my shoulders , I guess sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to be able to come back up again. He bought me a lovely easter present which is a crystal egg in a crystal egg cup, which really suprised me and made my day and I was suprised he's gone to the effort to get me something special  , Although I know were not completely out of the woods I am taking a day at a time and today is a good day and that's good enough for me at this moment in time. Keep me posted on your progess x



Max
x


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi max 
happy easter
im glad u have had a good e/end and u and hubby are getting on 
like u im taking  1 day at a time  and yes same as u we are not completely out ov the woods yet but we are trying and i gree that u have to hit rock bottom in order  to come bak up again and i think i hit as low as i could 
so now we can start having sum fun  
so like the song s says 
"THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER "
so nxt time u hear that song i know wot u will be thinking about  

we have both got this site a lot to thank for coz i really do feel that if i hadnt ov found this site wen i did we would ov split up writtingdown all ur feelings getting gr8 replies then having john read them as beeen the best thing for us 
r u on msn  if so feel free to talk on msn any time i feel i am getting to know u really well now

thanks for ur part in supporting us
luv steph


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi max 
i hope things are getting better now with u and ur other half 
i wish i could say that me and john are ok but we arnt i left him today and moved bak to my parents 
coz ov his drinking 
ive just wrote the whole messy story on my post on this thread 
just went i though we were sorting things out it goes and gets worse 

sorry to moan on max ive just had the worse day i could have 
i chose to walk out on him but i had no choice 
i carnt fight the drinking any longer
steph


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