# ED characteristics/personality profile ?



## amies (Apr 19, 2005)

Hi all,
I haven't posted for a while but have been lurking while we work out where to go next. DE is certainly our next move but I am concerned about the seeming lack of details given to recipients about egg donor characteristics. For instance, I have been reading that at IM in Barcelona they only tell you details 5 mins before tx ! Can this be true? 
Is it the same at all Spanish clinics? I understand that in the US the donors fill out a personality profile to help recipients in the matching process - does this happen in Europe at all? 
I only ask because a large part of me would like to know something of the donors genetic history before making a decision. Or am I being too choosy? Love to all, Amies


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## radnorgirl (Oct 18, 2005)

Amies,

We are having treatment at Ceram and Ruth has just advised us of the details of a potential donor and we would be looking at treatment in July. We were told age, weight, eye colour, blood group, skin conmplexion, hair colour, whether her hair is straight or curly, her occupation and her hobbies.

I would be surprised if you receive more information than this elsewhere. I then went back to Ruth with a couple of further questions - whether this woman had donated before and whether she had children. I felt that all of this this was sufficient detail.

Helen
x


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## Lorna (Apr 8, 2004)

We went to the USA, and were able to chose our donor, and meet them.  Since then, I have been looking for somewhere cheaper/closer to home to do the same kind of thing, and I haven’t found anywhere, yet.  Sorry not much help.
And no I don’t think you are being too choosy.  IMO, you need as much information as possible to help you do, the best job you can in raising your child.  You don’t have to use the information that you are given, but you know it is there just in case...

I think there are various reasons, why governments will not let donors, and recipients meet.
Reason 1 is that, IMO, people confuse organ donation, with sperm/egg donation.
With organ donation, the relatives of someone who has died, gives permission for the organs to be removed and given to someone, so they have a chance of life.  You end up with one live person at the end.  A dead donor, is dead, obviously, and can’t meet the live recipient.
But with sperm or egg donation, it is the donor, themselves, that give permission, and you start with 2 live people and end up with 3 or more live people at the end.  The donor doesn’t die in the process of donating.  Well at least we hope they don’t.  The live donor can interact with the live recipient and/or the child created, so intuitively you need a completely different system.
Also a dead donor does not benefit from any donation.  Dead donors, don’t even get a warm fuzzy feeling, from having done something nice for someone else.  They don’t get to chose.  They don’t even decide what happens to their earthly remains.
A live sperm/egg donor, does have other choices.  They can benefit from their donation.  They can get a warm glowing feeling, spend their compensation, whatever....  So maybe we should change the system?
And another thing with organ donation, until very recently, a live donor, had to know the recipient.  ie a mum, can donate to her child, a brother to a sister, but I couldn’t walk into a hospital, and say, I would like to donate a section of liver to an unknown recipient.  I would probably be sectioned
So if for years, we have, forced live organ donors to know, and be on very close terms with their recipient, why do so many countries prevent sperm, and egg donors meeting?

I think reason 2 is that donors, and recipients have feelings.  Doctors/clinics do not want to have to deal with these messy emotions.  They salve their consciences, with “it’s in everyone’s best interest”  And certainly for the first few years, it doesn’t matter.  All my children, want is mummy’s, and daddy’s love.
But, I suspect, as my children become older, they will start asking questions, like where did I come from?, who am I? etc. and they will need to know about their birth mother, and their biological origins.  And like most parents, we will no longer be in touch with our clinic. So clinics don’t have to deal with any emotional problems that donor created children have.  So why should they change?

Reason 3, IMO, the governments genuinely believe they know best.
I remember the boom in the 80’s where organisations/companies were competing for labour, and it became trendy to introduce schemes that would make an organisation more attractive to women.  I went to one conference, where one company boasted about how they had introduced these fantastic schemes.  One questioner asked “What do women think of theses schemes?”  And a blank look came over the speaker.  You could see the thought process: ask women? we are senior male managers of an organization; of course we know what is best.  The answer that came back was “We don’t know.  We haven’t asked them”
So, IMO, people just don’t see the need for change, as the system is OK? Isn’t it?

Reason 4?  anyone

Lorna

PS IMO, the system currently in place in the UK, is the most ****** mess imaginable.  Bad for donors, bad for recipients, and unbelievably cruel to children.  How about implementing a sensible system, that is fair to donors, and recipients, and does actually look after the “Welfare of The Child”?


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## Womb with a View (Dec 7, 2004)

Hi Amies.  I think that any donation, be it anonymous or not, is a compromise on some level (we would all wish to use our own eggs or sperm but have to compromise for many reasons).  However, anonymous donation involves far more compromise than known donation.  I blame the system in this country (UK) - having changed the laws 15 months ago we are now faced with a huge shortage of donors.  Hence, we are now having to compromise even more by going abroad for tx (although, let's face it there are many benefits that far outshine the UK's treatments in many clinics.)  There is no ideal situation and you must go with what you feel is best for you and your child.  Not a conclusive answer and not an easy task for any of us.  Although we have to compromise, be it to differing levels for each of us, one thing we mustn't compromise is our individual integrity.

Good luck. x


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## three_stars (Jan 19, 2006)

I am always interested in this topic.  I still feel that the solution may be a system that leaves it up to the donors and recipients.  Allowing donation to be anonymous or open would respect the wishes of both parties.  And let the donor decide how much extra info they would like to give out, such as photos, etc. Of course some would say this makes it more complicated and costly to the clinics.  

Often I feel that keeping it all anonymous is the preference of the clinics, making it easier to do egg share for instance.  In fact I sometimes wonder  how much you can really trust a clinic with what little info you do get?  How would we even know the difference. 

I say this after just starting to do injections for my first cycle of DE/DSperm anonymously.  My choice would have been to see photos, more detail and choose the donors myself with the option to be able to contact them down the road if needed for any medical questions.  This would be my preference but for some stupid reason I can not do this anywhere in Europe.  And doing it in USA just puts it out of range financially.  So compromising is the only this that can be done if I still want to try to have another baby.

I wish the governments would butt out of our personal lives but I guess that's what we all pay taxes for-to have leaders out there that pixx us off- HA HA  In fact if it was not something that is so personal then we would likely all be out there lobbying for changes.
b123


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