# what do you think ?



## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

Hi 

I have started on the adoption path and have attended prep course ... do you think it is normal to still feel pangs of what if ?? "what if i shouldn't give up? although I know in my heart of hearts I don't and my body doesnt feel able to go through whole tx process again. I couldnt cope with more heart ache and we havnt got the funds it's just sometimes I find it hard. Does everyone on hear feel able to cope with the situation or do you sometimes feel    sorry think i'm premenstral as well i'm abit cranky. Feel this waiting lark doesnt help don't feel very relaxed at the moment.

Thanks for listening 
goodluck 
Sarahxxx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

i posted a similar question a few weeks ago, although i am far earlier in the process than you

some helpful replies on here...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=236347.0

fwiw i reckon you're probably fairly normal


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## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

Thank you so much Katie c for taking the time to reply,it's sooo complicated isnt it there are so many emotions to contend with it makes life so hard sometimes.  I wish you all the best in your journey to become a mummy and wish you so much happiness in the coming years   
Sarahxx


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## Banana Girl (Aug 9, 2005)

In our prep course the first section was a lengthy talk about the grieving process for the birth children you might not have- so this is certainly a feeling that SWs are familiar with and very common.

You are in the right place for these feelings to be expressed...Many helpful friends on FF xx

I'm currently wondering about my feelings of terror and doubt at some of the articles they have sent us to read- but I don't believe that anyone can enter such a hard process without a whole bucket full of feelings xxxx


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## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

Banana girl- Thank you for your reply everyone is so supportive on here, your medical history is much the same as mine although I did not get preg natually that 'foresight' thing sounds good. I admire you going for adoption ....I felt scared by all the paperwork they showed us but previous to that we both felt sure we were doing the right thing. I feel reassured to know that you and others have these feelings also although I would not wish them on you. 
please pm me any time you feel like a chat
I wish you every success
Sarahxx


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## Banana Girl (Aug 9, 2005)

Foresight was very good- though i don't want to confuse you by adding another option to your basket!!

A lot of people say the paperwork is scary. I personally think its a good thing to be scared...I mean to hear all the information we are given and not take a deep breath, well, that must be unusual.

I think this is a difficult road whatever path you find your child. x

Having a birth child certainly isn't a smooth road.  
Do you know your SW's feelings about coming to terms with infertility?
xx


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## Sarah R (Jun 3, 2004)

Hi 

I'm in a similar space at the mo 

As a single person I had 6 DIUI treatments and also some attempts from a sperm donor (friend of a friend) and no joy.  I have PCOS and one lazy ovary that doesn't appear to do much.  

Anyhow fast forward 2 yrs and i'd thought I'd processed the I'm never gonna be a birth mum thing.  I have looked into Adoption for some time and have begun the process - eg attended info session, considering various courses that might improve my case, reading loads and preparing for Home study etc...

Well yesterday my neighbours and God Son's (11mths) parents have offered to be a sperm donor   
So my head is all over the place.  I am aware that you aren't supposed to consider fertility treatment at the same time as adoption etc.... I  thought that I had moved on but.... I don't know if you ever fully accept or totally come to terms with not being a birth mum??!?!? 
Anyway - it's all rather mad.  I've just got my head around feelings about adoption, and now this has been thrown into the mix.  
(Also it goes without saying that should I decide to seriously consider their offer......there would need to be alot of chatting and consideration of the situation for all parties etc.....)


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Sarah, sarah r, and banana girl, sending you all big hugs. Don't think the feelings ever go away. Were merrily going through the adoption process, thought everything emotionally was going ok. Yesterday would of been my due date and i've gone to pieces. Feels like only yesterday our ivf journey had come to an end. Hopefully it will get easier again.


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I've just started reading a book which I think is so helpful in recognising how to come to terms with these feelings.  It's actually more centred towards recognising a childs 'loss' but also our own wishing that they had been our birth child and the loss associated with never carrying your own child.

Sending massive hugs to all xxx


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## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

Hi bee bee 

Please could you let me know what the book is called sounds like it would be very useful 

Many thanks...


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

Hi there Charlie, it's called 20 things adoptive kids wish their adoptive parents knew by Sherrie Eldridge.  It was given to me by a lady who works for our VA who is also an adoptive mum! xxx


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## Pinky3 (Jul 30, 2008)

Ask you self which route makes you smile and which makes you sad x x x


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## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

Thank you Bee Bee much appreciated  

Pinky- you are sooo right it took me a while to accept it but adoption is the path I am taking, have first visit from social worker tomorrow wish me luck !!! I know this is right for me at last...  

Good luck to you on your path..


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Good luck charlie x x 

pinky- your right hun, even though still find it hard at times 

gonna order this book i think x


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I highly recommend it sweets xxx


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