# Is there anyone else who is so sad at what they can't have?



## Vivaldi (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi, a newbie to FF, and anyone sharp will see at least 3 postings in as many days on here but is there anyone else who is so sad at what they can't have?    Forgive me for having a real twine on....

I am so sad that my DH and I can't make love and fall pregnant nicely and in the comfort of our own home.
I am so sad that we will never have the luxury of wondering, gosh, when was my last period? and taking a pregnancy test and it being a BFP.
I am so sad that I can't walk into work pregnant with that delicious secret kept under wraps until after the first scan.
I am so sad that everyone assumes that because you have a child already you automatically need to have one exactly 2 years later and ask you regularly 'aren't you having another one?'
I am so sad that my son may turn out to be an only child - I so wish he could have a baby brother or sister! 
I am so sad that whilst trying for baby no. 2 the first 3 IUIs were BFN, and that I miscarried after the 4th IUI was a BFP.
I am so sad that we have kept dithering about what to make our bedrooms No 3 and 4 - nursery or guest room? And they still aren't done.
I am so sad that my little boy's baby things are all kept stored away and we can't bring them out and use them for a baby no. 2.
I am also so sad that my best friend gave birth to her gorgeous baby no. 2 at the exact day I was miscarrying my BFP.
I am so sad that I keep on hoping every month for a natural pregnancy and having to deal with the inevitable disappointment when my period arrives.
I am so sad that my DH and I have to go through this!

Is anyone else really sad?  

Sorry, having a tough time at the moment, will bounce back soon and will be able to laugh at it all   

Lots of love
Vivaldi x

Is anyone else so sad about the TTC business


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

I can so, so relate to your feelings


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## Flotsam (Feb 9, 2008)

Vivaldi 

I am so sad that at the age of 50 i am making my DH go thru all this
I am so sad that i started trying so late [at 32 and am now nearly 36]
I am so sad when i go to baby showers
I am so sad that we cannot have a baby naturally
I am so sad to have all the injections for IVF
I am so sad to be so desperate
I am so sad that i have big tops in my wardrobe waiting to be worn when i am pg
I am so sad i bought 'Mum to be' cream and then lost the baby
I am so sad when i pass by mothercare
I am so sad when i find out my friends are pregnant
I am so sad that i didn't get to tell everyone the good news
I am so sad DH and i no longer have that lovely secret
I am so sad my DH cries as he hugs my stomach
I am so sad to keep buying stuff for other people's babies
I am just so sad i could go on forever!

Floss


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## jrhh (Feb 6, 2006)

Jacks xxxxx


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## Vivaldi (Mar 29, 2008)

Ah, Flotsam, so so sorry about the m/c and all the things you are sad about  

What we need is a Big Fat   

When I wrote that post I was in utter despair - having fought and fought and fought to get pregnant the txt actually worked and then the m/c - just one shock after another. The posting helped a little bit to get it all out, although like you I could have gone on forever about what I was sad about!  
But you know, we need to bounce back. May be not now, maybe not next week, maybe not next month, but we will you know?  
In the meantime, we are ALLOWED to feel sad about the cards that have been dealt to us - it IS a huge disaster isn't it.  I'm not suggeting we should wallow in the bath every night sobbing over what might have been and what should have been.. (well, OK, we're allowed for an hour tops ), and when we're good and ready we can pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down and take stock of it all 
We can then congratulate ourselves on being tenacious, resilient, hardy individuals (well, OK, rock hard!!! ) - they are all excellent qualities!!

The other thing that needs saying... (well I feel like saying it tonight, obviously in the 'angry' phase as opposed to the 'upset' phase of grief! ) ..is, when well-meaning people say the wrong thing to you, you know the unhelpful comments like 'oh, you can just try again can't you?' or the _*classic*_ 'oh, well, the m/c means it obviously wasn't meant to be, it's nature's way doncha know' - YOU, Flotsam, are welcome to borrow my HATCHET and you can bury it in the back of their heads!!   (Only joking, FF, never been violent in my life, please don't ban me Moderators!!)

It's OK to be sad - the IF thing SUCKS!!!

Take care and LOL

Vivaldi xxx


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## Flotsam (Feb 9, 2008)

Vivaldi, thanks hun. Will reply properly on other thread!!  
Floss


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## ready4Family (May 14, 2004)

Hi Vivaldi,

Know exactly how you feel.  We've been thinking of moving houses and yet don't know whether to stick to a 3 bedroom (1 or us, 1 for our son, 1 for an office), or to get a 4 bedroom.  We spent 2007 TTC and had 4 BFNs (3 fets, 1 ivf) and don't know if it'll ever happen for us.  It's so painful thinking of that and that our son may never be a big brother...not that we're giving up yet.  BIL and wife are having their second mid May .  It was natural and easy for them.  Life just isn't fair is it?  I do hope you get that BFP.


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## Vivaldi (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi ready4Family,  
Thanks for your words. It really does seem like you've got your life on hold doesn't it - even when you're inbetween tx and you have to wait months/weeks, it is still hanging there like a big black cloud... my DH feels the same! If anyone has a strategy or wonder 'cure' for NOT thinking about periods, cycles, ovulation, test sticks, BFN and BFP then I'd love to hear!
Spoke to the counsellor (attached to the clinic) yesterday - mainly about the miscarriage, but also asked for advice about the 'obsessing' about periods, being pg, wanting to be pg, getting pg, not being pg, etc,    and she said some practical advice is to stop your thoughts/brain in its tracks and think of something else - so trying to do that, you don't have to let it run away with you - sounds obvious when you think about it, and there's me thinking it was compulsory to think about being pg!!!!   I'm trying but not getting any real peace at the moment! If it helps anyone out there, then great!
We're not giving up yet either, good luck for your txt. Sp sorry to hear of your 4 BFN - that totally SUCKS    
Also, I know what it's like to be seemingly SURROUNDED by people getting pregnant bang on cue when they've planned it (oh, we wanted 2 years between them..), and we don't even know if it's going to work again, and the length of time it takes to try!!! OHMIGOD.  

Take care and best of luck - we could all do with a bit of luck (do you know the person who dishes it out?? I don't but if you do, do you think they're open to bribes  ) Box of chocs? Wash their car? Iron their socks and pants? Now it's really getting silly now...I know I dont' have time to iron socks and pants!!  

LOL
Vivaldi xx


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## ready4Family (May 14, 2004)

Vivaldi, you are right in that even if inbetween cycles, it still takes over your life and it's hard to plan things.  I'm the exact same with obsessing about it and thinking about it all the time (when not thinknig about ds or dh).  When I read your question about if anyone knows a stategy for NOT thinking about periods, etc, my thought was "be a man".  Somehow they can put it at the back of their minds until an appointment.  Have no idea how.  Yeah...2007 was not a good year for us.  We've switched clinics so am trying to move forward and hope 2008 is better.  Glad to hear that you're also not giving up.  We're the same and wanted an ideal age of 2.5 years between them.  But our son is turnign 3 a week Saturday.  Your post made me laugh.  If only it just took a box of chocolates to get us that luck for a BFP.  I'd buy a whole choclate factory for all of us!


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## Vivaldi (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi again ready4Family,  you are right as well about men being able to seemingly 'forget' about it unless they're actually walking into an appointment!!! 
I think we are obessed ('we' as in us girls) because it it happens to our bodies and we feel differently throughout our cycles and treatment cycles, and every twinge or physical sign could mean we're pregnant, and of course the blokes don't have any of that, they don't have their body giving them little messages all the time.  I often say to my dh it's 'easy' for him as he hasn't got the agony during and towards the end of the 2ww looking for signs of your period coming - it drives me completely BATTY I can tell you - every time I go to the loo I can't help but check my pants OHMIGOD 
It honestly drives me nuts the whole thing and it does seem frustrating that our dhs seem to be able to switch off from it. Mind, isn't that ability part of the men-are-from-mars thing when they retreat into their caves which is their way of coping with it? Whereas us lot from Venus have to rant and cry about it??  
If I knew the answer on how to *not * be obsessed I'd probably be a very rich lady, and then could afford whatever txt I wanted, and get some hypnotist or whatever to 'blank' my mind like they do on Dr Who or Heroes! (Now I'm even sounding like a bloke talking about Dr Who... am I _turning_ into my dh?  )

Who knows, but I know what you mean!  

Don't worry, our ds is 3 and a half, and me and my dh are both ancient this year (3 so feel that it's now or never, and yes, not ready to give up the fight just yet!!!

Good luck for 2008 - and now we're back to the 'who's dishing out the luck' bit again, and - hurrah! - the bit about the chocolate factory... I reckon some good not-obsessing-about-being-pregnant therapy might be to _break in _ to a chocolate factory overnight and seriously deplenish their stocks!!   I'd better go cos the moderators will be after me again for suggesting unlawful activities and all.   

Vivaldi xxx


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