# Carole's Story...



## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

I wanted to wait until my story was complete before I joined in here... so here goes, it's a long one so get a cup of coffee... lol.

DH and I started ttc in October 1997, 1 year after we were married.  We were convinced it would work straight away, although now in hindsight I seem to remember having a niggling feeling that it wouldn't.  We tried for a year before we had tests... and in that time, I had some spiritual healing and a reading with a clairvoyant.  She said that my fertility was dormant at that time and would return by November of that year (199.  It didn't, and every November of every year, I would get more upset than normal. I would never listen to a clairvoyant again.  We had all the tests which showed that we were quite fertile... dh had high sperm count, we were compatible (even more so than with the donor), and the consultant said there was absolutely no reason why we shouldn't conceive... in fact, he said we should have succeeded first month looking at our results (very helpful!). 

I was determined not to do IVF, so I threw myself into my holistic therapies over the next 4 years.  I tried everything... reflexology, massage, hypnotherapy, more healing, bowen treatment... etc.   I even gave up work, retrained as a Holistic Therapist myself, and set up a small business which was great.  But as soon as that didn't work, I got bored of it, and I knew I had only done it really to conceive.  

So... we decided to try the dreaded IVF.  Again, consultant said no reason why it shouldn't work.  FSH level of someone in her 20's and I was 34, everything went by the book - had 24 follicles, collected 15 eggs, 7 fertilised... 2 grade 1's put back and 2 were good enough to freeze.  How could it possibly fail??  Well it did. I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I went to the loo on the morning of the blood test and screamed.  We were distraught.. it took us 6 months to get over that fully.. and we really pulled together in that time as we felt no-one could understand our pain.  Of course, in all this time, friends were on their 2nd and even 3rd babies... the pain was horrendous.

Anyway, a year later we did an FET, only this time we weren't holding out much hope that it would work... we weren't surprised when it didn't work.  That was it, we would never do IVF again as I hate what the drugs do to my body (being a holisitic therapist, it goes against everything I believe in)... and we just couldn't hack it.  So... we just carried on ttc naturally, still getting upset every month... but still living life to the full as much as we could, going on holidays/hotel breaks/out a lot socialising. We got closer and closer during this time, so at least one good thing came out of it.   We even paid a visit to the Fertility Giant in Dorset... as a last ditch attempt.  We woke up on the day and I had all the ov signs (I even know now when I'm ov'ing... I still get all the right signs...).. it was 2 weeks smack in the middle of my text book 28 day cycle.  We were quite hopeful, and even did the deed in broad daylight right by the Giant (behind a bush... we were lucky no-one saw us).  Then I lay upside down (it was very steep) right by the Giant with people walking past thinking I was a total nutter.  I was distraught when it didn't work.. I really felt like it was our turn. 

So... we just carried on.. I had more hypnotherapy and this seemed to be very useful.. and even though we didn't conceive as a result of this, I am convinced that doing that was instrumental in going forward in adoption eventually.  I felt like I had cleared a lot of issues from my childhood... she regressed me to 8 years old when my Mum had a miscarriage, and it appeared that I blamed myself for the miscarriage as I fell down the stairs and accidentally kicked my Mum in the back while she was pg.  Subconsciously I had blamed myself for it, even though she didn't miscarry for another month. 

Anyway, back at work (I did project work with a local company who asked me back when they needed me), I bumped into an acquaintance who I'd not seen for ages... she told me she was leaving.  I was shocked as she had been there for years... she told me she was adopting a girl and a boy.  We chatted for over an hour... in the car park, and I asked her lots of questions.  DH and I, up to that point, had dismissed adoption because it just seemed so complicated and we'd heard lots of horror stories.  I always remember her saying that the process was a doddle up to IVF (she had done 7 cycles)... and I now think the same myself (even though I only did 1 full cycle). 

I went home and asked DH if he thought we should consider it.  He said actually he thought we should and perhaps we should look into it the following year... we weren't ready at that point.  Anyway, the idea wouldn't leave my head and by October that year I told dh that I really wanted to get info now, and see where it took us.  He agreed and so we made our initial phone call in November 04.  They sent us a pack and sent out a SW to meet us in the December.  We wanted to take it slowly, but had decided we wanted to go ahead and attend the prep course and SW recommended us to do just that.  Still we weren't in any hurry, which was a blessing TBH, as when you are desperate to go forward, it's so much worse.  We ended up on the June prep course, and we nearly cancelled due to our concerns about it all, and what we'd read on an official adoption website... it really scared us.  

Also around this time, a friend offered us her embryos.  She'd had her 2 children via IVF and was desperate to help DH and I.  We were so touched, and spent a couple of weeks thinking about it... but decided we preferred to go down the adoption route.  Although we are not that close to them (she was a work colleague on a temp job who I kept in contact with), it would still feel a bit weird having their baby... and also if it didn't work, we'd be that much older and felt it would be harder to adopt a baby.  The day we made that decision, she called us and told us that as she was over 35 by 1 day when they collected her eggs, they wouldn't allow it to go ahead.  But it was almost like we had to make that decision ourselves before moving on.

So, we attended the prep course... and loved it.  Felt really positive, until the last day when they said that very young children are so few and far between that it would be unlikely that we'd be accepted to adopt one.  We were really upset at this, as they knew what age we wanted, so why were we on that prep course?  Anyway, we were allocated a SW in July and disillusioned by it all, we panicked a bit, met up with her and told her that we felt it was going too fast and could we put it on hold.  I had broken my leg as well, and dh was doing a lot of work at home for a promotion.  She told us that she felt we were really strong characters to put it on hold and that it wasn't easy and she respected us for that.  She told us to write in when we were ready.  And in fact, as soon as we made that decision, we felt ready but knew we had to give ourselves some time.  We wrote at the beginning of September and asked for that SW back, as we really clicked with her.  We were so lucky that they agreed that, but she wouldn't be ready to start the home study until the November.  We didn't mind that.  

So, home study started... our SW was so fantastic, she made it so easy... she was wonderful.  We sailed through it.  I am an open book anyway, and she always said to me that she barely needed to ask any questions because we told her so much.   We went to panel in April 06 and were unanimously approved.  Yipeeeee !!  It felt so great.  We finally felt like we would become parents. It was also very scary.. all those unanswered questions about being matched etc.  Anyway, barely a few weeks after panel.. on our way to the station to go to Paris... we got a phone call about a match.  A girl of 3 and a boy of 18 months.  We had been approved for 1 or 2 children, but this seemed too soon... for some reason we wanted to hold out.   Again, SW was fantastic and reassured us that it would not go against us.  It just didn't feel right to us at that time, although we felt bad that we didn't even consider these children.  

A couple of weeks later, we were matched with a little boy of 12 months.  We went ahead to the next stage, the information meeting, and in the week we had to wait we had convinced ourselves this was it.  One thing DH said was that even though he was excited, something was telling him that we were going to be parents to a girl, and obviously this was a boy..  but we put that to the back of our minds.  10 mins into the meeting and we realised that this little boy wasn't for us.  I tried and tried to fit him into our family, but DH was adamant he wasn't right. It felt awful, but we didn't feel he was a good match and therefore had to say no.  (We have since been told by another SW that she was surprised he was matched to us, as he didn't fit in with us at all.. so our instinct was right). 

We then had a few months of nothing, and we got to the stage when we realised we weren't going to be matched by Christmas.  It was September and still nothing, and we knew they didn't place children before Xmas. We decided to go on a nice holiday in Jan 07 and just get on with our lives for now. 

Sept 27th... I got a phone call at work - another one of those moments that you remember so clearly.  We'd been matched with a 6 month old baby girl.  SW said "in adoption terms, she's a perfect baby".  I was so excited, I could hardly breathe.. so we agreed to go ahead. 

October 11th... the baby was released for adoption and on the same day we met up with our SW to find out all about her.   We fell for her that night... finding out all the info about her, not to mention her name, which is a shortened version of my late Nan's.  It all felt so perfect.  A nerve wracking 9 days we had to wait to meet the SW's working for our potential daughter... it was the longest wait ever.  Anyway, we knew we would say yes, but the SW's tried to hold us back a bit.  We eventually persuaded them to show us a photo... and she was just gorgeous... we couldn't believe our luck.  They told us that afternoon that they wanted to go ahead with us... we were absolutely over the moon.   They told us the intros and placement would take place next year, it was very unlikely to be this side of Xmas.  

So we met the FC and medical adviser at the beginning of November... and we knew we wanted to go ahead, whatever the outcome seeing the medical adviser.  FC was lovely, gave us lots of info and once SW was sure that she'd seen enough of our enthusiasm and knew we were going ahead, she told us when panel would be - 23 November.  Then she said "all being well, you'll start intros on 4th December"!!!!!!!!!!  We were gobsmacked... couldn't stop smiling, and all thoughts of "how am I going to leave work that early" came in one ear and went out the other.  

Waiting for panel, my family threw a surprise baby shower for me.  I cried all the way through it... they got me there under the pretence that we were going Xmas shopping and I moaned about going shopping on a Saturday for days beforehand.  Kevin the teenager had nothing on me... lol.  I was so shocked and so so touched... it was one of the best days of my life.  

Panel came and we were unanimously approved.  They remembered us from April and said they were really happy that they'd seen us from approval to being officially matched.  

Intro's started on 4th December.  I felt sick that morning, and just couldn't believe what we were doing.  We walked into FC's house, and this little tiny baby (who didn't look old enough to be crawling) crawled towards us... stopped, looked up at us and gave us the brightest smile.  I got down on my knees and felt like falling apart sobbing... but knew I couldn't in front of her.  She crawled onto my lap and put her arms up to me... and then got down from my lap and did the same to dh.  It was a heart stopping moment and the FC and SW were both in tears.

The 2 weeks of intros were very hard, emotionally and physically draining... but so worth it when we brought our daughter home on Friday 15th December - 10 days before Xmas Day.  The whole time was a total whirlwind, but she settled in so well, and our family were besotted with her from the minute they met her.

That was just over 6 months ago.  We had so many concerns about being parents... as we had had 12 years to ourselves.. but they are all unfounded.  She is the light of our lives and on Friday, 1st June offically became our daughter.  She is adored by all around her, and she draws attention and compliments wherever she goes.   We are so very proud to have been chosen to be her Mummy and Daddy and we don't regret one bit of pain we went through to get her.  

And so that ends our 9 year journey...  

Thank you for taking the time to read it...


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Oh what a lovely story.  Its a good thing I can touch type as I can't see the keys for the tears !

What a lovely happy ending - I am so glad you have your beautiful daughter.  It was obviously meant to be 

Wishing you love, luck and happiness in your future together as a family :0

Love Jennifer xx xx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Carole,
How beautiful!!!  I think your story will inspire others at whatever stage they are at.
Speak soon love JD x


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

I too am sat here with tears in my eyes, what a fantastic story.

Congratulations

Fiona


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## honneybee (Feb 21, 2007)

Your story is amazing and I think will give a lot of encouragement to the girls here going through similar experiences.... Congratulations on your precious daughter. I too have tears of happiness for you and dh.

mitch
xx


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## pobby (Jun 2, 2005)

How beautiful...I am very teary eyed aswell. Such a moving story and it is a joy to read a story with such a happy ending! Your daughter sounds adorable.
congratulations!
Love Pobby xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Carole what an amazing story, you tell it so well   my eyes have gone all misty  

pam xx


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## BunBun (Apr 25, 2004)

Carole - well done on writing such a lovely piece and for sharing it with us all.
Many congratulations again.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Carole..........what a wonderful, heart wrenching story you have told us.

thankyou so much for sharing this with us, you sound so happy and after all those years, YES you are now a Mummy!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Carole,

A lovely story....and a wonderful ending for you all.

Laine xxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Carole

What a lovely story.  Its hard to believe everything we go through to reach the dream, but you have done it and have many happy years ahead

Karen x


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Oh blimey, thank you so much everyone. I didn't expect any replies to this one... so am really touched by all your kind words. 

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world..  

I hope all your dreams come true...

Love Carole xx


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## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

What a lovely story. congratulations to you.

Nicola x


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## Lizz (Mar 10, 2005)

What a wonderful story. I am so pleased for you and DH. 
We are at a crossroads of where to go next and you have truly inspired me

Thankyou


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

awww Fab  

My eyes are misty also 


xx


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## REC (Jun 16, 2004)

What a beautiful story..

Got tears in my eyes reading it.

Love

Roz
xx


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## Angie07 (May 30, 2007)

Hi Carole

What an amazing inspirational story,I'm sat here at my computer all teary eyed,you have given me so much hope.My husband is infertile so have been looking at going down the doner route which scares the hell out of me but I feel its something I need to do as I don't want to live my life forever wondering 'what if'

I want to adopt regardless of any treatment we end up having as I feel there are so many children out there that need a home,I sometimes feel that its such a horrible world we live in so why bring another child into it when there are loads of little ones out there that need a mum and dad!!

Thankyou so much for your story its really cheered me up and made me feel so positive,

Good luck for the future with your gorgeous little girl,she is very lucky,

luv

Angie xxx



Barbarella said:


> I wanted to wait until my story was complete before I joined in here... so here goes, it's a long one so get a cup of coffee... lol.
> 
> DH and I started ttc in October 1997, 1 year after we were married. We were convinced it would work straight away, although now in hindsight I seem to remember having a niggling feeling that it wouldn't. We tried for a year before we had tests... and in that time, I had some spiritual healing and a reading with a clairvoyant. She said that my fertility was dormant at that time and would return by November of that year (199. It didn't, and every November of every year, I would get more upset than normal. I would never listen to a clairvoyant again. We had all the tests which showed that we were quite fertile... dh had high sperm count, we were compatible (even more so than with the donor), and the consultant said there was absolutely no reason why we shouldn't conceive... in fact, he said we should have succeeded first month looking at our results (very helpful!).
> 
> ...


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

Hi Carole,

I'm sooo pleased for you!, youre a mummy at last! Its such a long painful journey thats finally over for you. just cried my eyes out!! hope i one day can have the same blessing. 

lots of love

avon queen xxx


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

WOW, what a bueatiful story. Love to you all.
WelshyXXXXXXX


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you so much everyone...  lovely of you to reply.

Angie07 - all the luck in the world with your decision (if you see this)... I'm sure you'll make the right one.  Glad my story made you feel positive.

Love C xx


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## BH (Aug 20, 2004)

Hi Carole,

Don't know if you'll see this now, but thanks so much for posting your story.  We have just started thinking about the possibility of adoption, although may try one more shot at IVF, not sure yet.  I find the prospect very scary, as always thought that when I gave birth to a child, I would just automatically know how to be a good mum.  So it scares me that if I adopt, how will I know?  Reading your story has given me strength - and particularly because I was in floods of tears reading it (here I go again!), I know that this may well be the right road for us.  I really know that I will love our child, however he or she joins our family - and will just have to let our instincts at being good parents kick in naturally.

Thanks again and wishing you all the luck in the world - congratulations!

Take care

BH xx


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## Siobhan1 (Jun 24, 2004)

What a wonderful story!

Congratulations on becoming parents to a lovely, lucky little girl.

xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thanks so much BH... I know what you mean, I had the same feelings... and never really questionned our ability to raise a child until we started the process and thought "oh my goodness, this really is it"...!!  Before we never thought anything would work, so didn't give it much real thought.  I just know my little girl is in the best place... and I'm sure you will realise that if you get that far (if you end up adopting).  Take care, and very best of luck xx

Thanks so much Siobhan1... that's really kind of you.

C xx


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Barbarella

I just read your story, and what a lovely one it was to read.

Glad everything worked out for you in the end.

Lots of love

Crazybabe


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Many thanks Crazybabe...     
C xx


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## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

You give me home. Thank you.


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you Guitarangel... I am so glad.  Best of luck.
Carole xx


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## Angelat (Nov 27, 2006)

Carole

Thank you for sharing your story - you are an inspiration to us all    

Like you, I have only done one course of IVF and hated every moment of it, plus I ended up in hospital overstimulated, got pregnant and then miscarried - the worst scenario I could have possibly imagined.     

We had talked about adoption before IVF and decided that we would like to follow that route if IVF failed.  We have 3 frozen embryos that I feel I have to try and use in the New Year, but we have just made our first phone calls about adoption to find out how it all works.  I don't want to miss out on being a mother and I feel the longer I mess around with treatment, the more of my life we are wasting.

So thankyou for your story, it fills me with hope    

Angie T


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Angie, you are welcome.  Wishing you lots of luck as you continue on your journey. One way or another, you will be a Mum... adoption has been the best possible outcome for us.  
C xx


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## Gen (Dec 9, 2004)

Thanks for sharing your lovely story!  Congratulations to you all.


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## mandy_1986 (Jan 21, 2008)

hi carole that was a lovely storie it made me   inside . im 21 and ready to be a mummy but my partner is 23 and not ready to be a daddy i found out at the age of 14 that im in fertile


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

hi crazybabe

sorry to butt-in was just reading thread and i realised i have called barnardos and they said to me that they dont do as much adoption as they used to and no babies, social services have those i believe. the lady i spoke to said to call social services she said they mostly dealt with children with regards to foster care and were mostly older xx


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## CAREbear1 (May 15, 2005)

What an inspiring story, thank you for sharing it. Gives me hope during a bit of a flat time!
Thank you


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## hurtbuthopeful (Oct 27, 2008)

wonderful story, m really happy for you and ur little girl.
i and my husband are thinking about adoption too, but it just seems so frutrating, and....well, we r very private people and if we do decide to adopt, its almost opening up our whole lives in front of complete strangers...which makes us very uncomfortable. to make it worse we need an approval from my husband's ex who, is not an easy person to say the least!!!!! he has 2 children from her, and the SW whom we spoke to told us that the children will get involved too!!!
so, its so scary!!!!
but i still hope that some day we will move past this and i will have little ones calling me their mammy!!!
lotsa love
bye


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Carole - just read your story and had to say thank you for giving me hope. It's wonderful to hear that after so many years of trying for a family and so many hurdles you got your little girl and the chance to be a family. 

Your story brought tears to my eyes but in a good way. So nice to see a happy ending - or should I say the begining of happy times.   

Wishing you and your family much happiness. CG xxxxx


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## Heather 5 (Feb 6, 2007)

wot a touching story, I too was in tears, We are just starting induction classes in two weeks time after 4 failed treatments & lots of heartache,  It has given me encouragement & hope.    Thanks


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you to you all.  I haven't logged on for a long time but it was so nice to see your messages.  I wish you all lots of luck on your journies and hope you too have a happy ending. xx


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## SUZ 8 (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Carole,
I wanted to say how incredibly moved i am by your story. Your courage and strength are a real inspiration to me.
I have just completed my first cycle of IUI and like yourself knew deep down that it wouldn't look. I too am very spiritual and am training to be an acupuncturist so totally understand where you're coming from about strange drugs! I don't even usually take headache tablets!
I've always had a real urge to adopt and felt that it was my calling in life. My husband desperately wanted a natural child so we agreed to do 3 lots of IUI and 1 IVF. If that failed then we would then try to adopt.
Having just completed the first IUI i feel like i've had enough. It's making us both really unhappy and putting a huge strain on our marriage.
Your story has given me the courage to sack the IUI/IVF and remember my values.

Thank you Carole xxx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Hi Suz

Thank you so much for your kind words... I really appreciate it.  I am so pleased you are going with your heart.. at least you have both tried all avenues and will know this is the right thing for you. 

Thank you again for commenting on my story, that's really nice of you.
Carole xx


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi Carole

I just had to write to let you know that your story has just brought tears to my eyes.  What an inspiration you are.

My husband and I have done 3 courses of IVF, the first ended in miscarriage.  I am currently 9 weeks on my 3rd go, but had a scan last night and it looks like this one is also going the same way.  I just know I dont think I could go through it all again, losing babies like this is just too much emotionally.  So our next step will probably be adoption.  Do you mind me asking what age you are, hope you're not offended.  We would dearly love a baby but are worried because of our age that this wont be possible through adoption.  I am 40 and my husband is 41.  Do you or anyone else here know anything about the age limits.

Again, you story has just inspired me. 

Dee xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you so much Dee... am so sorry to hear of your heartache... life can be so unfair.  

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply but I don't log on as much any more.... but I was 38 when we were matched with our little girl, DH was 35.  But in my experience, age isn't as relevant to social services as experience and availability of young children.  It's that which usually determines the age of child.  I think most LA's use the "max 45 years" older than the child. 

I think you just have to go for it and have faith that you will be matched with the right child and everything will work out in the end. You will still have worries and concerns but then you do with anything... wishing you lots of luck on your journey.. I hope, like me, it ends your heartache. My dh and I have never looked back and wouldn't change a thing.

Carole xx


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## debblaze (Jan 19, 2007)

Hi Barbarella

I just had to write also as reading your story brought me to tears, i could just imagine this little girl looking up at you both and holding her hands out.  I hope one day I get to see that and im sure if i do Ill feel as emotional as you did.  Im sure she is much loved and a very luck girl...

We are going to an info even in jan as Im not sure i can go down the egg donor route which i think may happen, will just have to see if my high fsh causes us problems.  My partner has a heart condition but is very healthy and i have ocd so im not sure they would say yes to us anyway but hopefully can give us some more information in jan.

Take care and have a fab xmas

Debsxxxx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you Debs... I wish you lots of luck whichever path your journey takes.  Hope you have a happy ending too.
Carole xx


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## donna1979 (Feb 5, 2009)

Such a wonderful story....congrats on your beautiful daughter!


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## Spuds (Aug 6, 2008)

Carole 

I am sitting here in bits ! Tears streaming down my face in happiness for you and your lovely family - what a truly truly inspirational story - you have helped me no end by sharing it  

Thank You
Jerseyspuds 
xxxxx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thanks so much Donna and Jerseyspuds (love the name lol)... 
Carole xx


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## Kewoo (Dec 6, 2011)

Your story really touched my heart and brought back all the memories (which are all still so fresh anyway) of our journey.  We too were blessed with the most amazing son in the whole world.

I hope you and DH have many many fantastic years with your DD.

Love Kewoo xx


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## sparkles83 (Jan 11, 2013)

amazing story,tears in my eyes,  truly inspirational. Your daughter sounds so cute too lol obv meant to be  I hope my journey has a happy ending too x


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## Kobby76 (Jan 28, 2013)

Thank you so much for sharing your heartbreaking yet wonderful story! My DH and I are just starting IVF but have talked about looking into adoption as a back up plan. I too had heard horror stories but have been given a ray of hope after reading your story.

Congratulations to your lovely family xxx


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