# 45.5, 4 x miscarriages, End of the Road or Egg Donation?



## Canadablue (May 17, 2015)

Hi there
I'm 45, no children, between aged 42 / 43, I conceived at every attempt but miscarried 4 times in one year. Since then no conceptions. Its been devastating. I was taking really good care of myself at that time and since then, moderating dwindling hope every month has taken its toll and taking care of myself like I did before has been very hard to do. 
We had all the NHS tests available (miscarriage related tests, scans, tubes, HVS, sperm tests) - all OK.
Ive been to see Dr Gorgi in London and understand there are a raft of tests I could have to attempt to identify and fix any underlying issues (to explain miscarriages, all early, and infertility) - but i suspect the main issue, that can't be fixed, is the age of my eggs, and we really can't afford £4k in tests (plus) that may not be at all necessary, plus the costs of IVF, our funds are limited.
I know IVF with my own eggs statistically is extremely unlikely, and that egg donation is our best chance. It's a hard thing to get my head round as I feel very sad about the loss of being able to use my own eggs.
So Ive been at a cross roads for past few months and know I need to make a decision. I go in and out of facing it, then into avoidance / denial, but am living with a pain underneath that is never far from the surface.
Anyone else out there like me?
If we go down the egg donation route, in London, Ive heard Hammersmith or Lister. I know Hammersmith have links with clinics for egg donors in Spain and the US but I'm not sure about the Lister.
Any feedback / suggestions/ ideas would be appreciated.


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Sorry to see you've suffered so many early MC   

I was in quite similar position although had, had a successful cycle aged 38 following number of early losses then. Once DD was born we started trying again as soon as could & between ages of 39 & 43 managed several BFPs. Unfortunately even though we were putting top grade blastocysts back & were getting past first scan my pregnancies didn't make it beyond 12 week mark. We underwent numerous tests to see if there was a reason behind the losses but nothing was found. We started TTC when I was just 33 so felt there was probably more to our issues than just old eggs but again nothing ever shown up. My clinic were very supportive and although they were not willing to discount my chances with OE totally - being as we were getting top quality blasts - they did suggest DE would bring much better success rates.
Changing to DE was really hard for me to do as there was never any point in which anyone could say my eggs definitely were no good. There was (is) a chance that I could create a baby from them, however the chances of that baby being healthy were getting lower & lower each cycle.

After lot of soul searching & research into DE I finally accepted the move. It took us two full DE cycles but i am now pg. Knowing that epigenetics will be playing a big part in shaping our baby I'm nowhere near as concerned about things as I thought I might be. Plus, having the burden of risk of MC reduced from 50% to 15% during those first 12 weeks made huge difference to how I felt.
It wasn't an easy move for me but I definitely don't regret it.

Whether that's the right path for you it's impossible to say. For us we had reached the point where we knew we had to end our IVF journey. I'd tried with my OE for over 10 years so knew I couldn't say I'd done all I could. What we wanted out of our last cycle was a take home baby & it made more sense to us to get the best "lottery tickets" for our final IVF challenge than stick to the same we'd always gone for.


Such difficult decision to make & I hope you find a happy ending to your journey soon


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2015)

Hi I'm very sorry to read about your MCs too. I've also had 4. I think Fififi's reply is a good one and I think in the same situation I would go for DE at this stage. It's a hard decision but I've read so many happy stories on here of DE babies. Plus it might take the pressure off you a bit. I really hope all goes well for you whatever you decide xx


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## Canadablue (May 17, 2015)

Thank you both so much for replying. I think your feedback makes a lot of sense.
I am sorry to hear you have both experienced so many losses
Fifi, firstly congratulations on your pregnancy! Can I ask where you had your DE IVF was it in the UK?
Any suggestions on where would be a good place for me to start researching?
Don't worry if no time to reply, I appreciate that you already did
Canadablue xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Canadablue 
After repeated failures I too switched to DE and was successful first attempt with my boys.  I went to Cyprus which is very multicultural so had lots of donor choice.  Popular places are Czech Republic, Spain and Serum in Athens.  Take a look at the international boards for help in deciding which clinic you like the sound of.  I chose  Northern Cyprus because easy flights and reasonable price with good success rates plus they treated single ladies.  Czech Republic would have been my first choice but they don't treat singles.  Spain was the most expensive, you have little input into donor choice although success rates are very good.  Serum needed two visits, wanted lots of extra tests and flights more difficult which put me off choosing them -  this clinic is very popular.

Main difference is UK clinics will give your child a chance to trace donor as an adult.  Clinics abroad have anonymous donors.  UK clinics with links abroad will charge a premium to arrange things and do a couple of scans here in UK.  I was finding this was costing an average £2000 more than going direct and sorting scans myself.

Good luck with next stage of your journey.
TCCx


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Canadablue - thank you for the congrats
We did have treatment in UK. We were at Nurture in Nottingham. Found them brilliant & very supportive although longer waiting list than many other clinics (6-12 months depending on how close a match). We got matched 3 times & completed 2 DE cycles - first match my AF went haywire so ended up being pulled out as was an altruistic donor so her plus another lady ready to go. They were mix of donor types (2 alturistic & 1 egg share), ages 27, 32 & 19. We were given physical information about each plus details of hobbies, job & reason for donating (the physical information is always given but donors choose whether to put extra). Nurture only match you with one donor at a time, once you're top of their wait list, and you can have few days to decide if match right for you or not. If you think not then you stay at top of list & get offered next suitable match.

Our reasons for choosing UK clinic was ease of travel & to minimise time off work. We limited our choice to somewhere within 45 mins drive. Looked on HFEA website at the current success rates for DE IVF & cut options down to best two. We then went to both these 2 clinics open evenings & picked the one that felt more comfortable. First DE cycle was little more expensive as had to pay waiting list fee (about £500) & consultation. We were able to transfer all our notes & test results from previous clinic for about £25 admin fee. (Though we actually did 3 OE cycles with Nurture before making move to DE).
Once established in the clinic the actual cost of DE cycle wasn't that much more than OE in our case. My meds for OE were about £1300 whereas for DE only about £350.


It is hard step to take but perhaps for now just do little research. Have a Google of epigenetics. Look on HFEA website at success rates of UK clinics and/or contact few of the overseas ones to ask them their success rates. Maybe go along to few open evenings at UK clinics. Overseas ones, like Serum, often offer free Skype initial consultation so that might be worth doing.
You've had lot to deal with over last few years & it's fine to step back a little. If you think DE might be right step then time is far less of an issue as success is based on donor's eggs not yours. (Even though I knew deep down it was totally pointless we spent a few months just TTC naturally just in case before I felt ready to make definite move. We joined waiting list as felt that wasn't actually committing us to anything.)


Happy to answer any questions you have either via here or PM me. There's also lots of threads on DE section of FF that might be worth a read to help you decide what to do.


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

hello canada

I echo the words of the other ladies on your crushing experience of miscarriage, you sound like a very strong lady! 
and wonderful to hear you are doing super-great fififi keep growing lovely. 

we are in a very similar situation to you, 45 no kids but had no success naturally, not even a chemical, we started to go down the OE route, and then I read a lot in to the statistics, now we all know this data doesn't describe the human experience, but the numbers do reflect the general population. I realised that the chances of concieving with my eggs was extremely low. 

So we did a bit of sould searching, and asked ourselves what we were really looking for from this journey, and determined it was to bring a baby in to our family, love, cherish and bring it up with the best possible start. I acknowledged reproducing my genes wasn't a factor for me, so donor egg became a natural logical choice and not difficult at all. 

I looked to FF for input and almost everyone said go down DE you are far more likely to realise your dream, and more quickly. Sorry to be blunt, but we ain't getting any younger, at 45 its the very upper upper end of normal parent age, if you want to take advantage of your relatively younger years and maybe even have an option for a sibling then I would say its worth it. 

Neither me or DH is based in UK, and the country I live in does not offer DE so we had to travel regardless, we ended up with Prague becuase I have dark hair and blue eyes which is a common combination in Czech Republic. But the donor is anonomous so have to keep that in mind. 

So in brief I would say examine the 'why' of your journey and whats important for you and your family. 

Good Luck!


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## Mels11 (Nov 3, 2014)

Hi Canadablue, 
I too struggled with the idea of donor eggs although I had known for 8years that it was my only option of getting pregnant. My DH and I decided we would just have to come to terms with living without children.....but in the end I had to admit I wanted a child more than I realised and so finally accepted the idea of DE. Like a lot of other ladies, once that decision was made, it was so easy to move forwards and seek treatment and I've never looked back. I guess like Chooshoos says in the end the desire for a child outweighed everything else. 
As I've continued on the journey, I've come to realise that we have the child we were meant to have and now I'm pregnant, I want only this baby and I wouldn't swop her for anything in the world. 
I went overseas as someone on here said you should view IVF as a course of treatment and plan for three goes. When I priced up the UK compared to the Czech Republic, I could easily get 3 goes for the price of 2 here and the success rates are just so good it was hard to justify staying in the UK. Of course, if you get lucky and get frosties then the cost of your second go is negligible. 
I did (& do) have doubts about my child not being able to contact her donor which she could with a UK donor and I think that will always be something I wrestle with, but again, the desire to have her outweighed everything else. 

Good luck with your decisions xx


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## Cordelia (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi Canada I too wrestled with the decision to have DE but after 3 OE cycles that all had poor results (my eggs are terrible) we decided we just needed to get a take home baby.

I had one DE cycle at serum that didn't work out and then went to Newlife in Thessaloniki and I'm now pregnant with twins.  Like Mel says it does sometimes take more than one go, so for us going abroad gave us that extra chance for the same cost.

Best of luck.

Cordelia xx


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## Inca43 (Jul 12, 2015)

Hi Canada and all you brave ladies, 

2 miscarriages with OE IVF and I looked long and hard at the road ahead and how long it may take even with DE. I found a fantastic private fertility counsellor and slowly we worked through the heart break of going DE until I could just start to contemplate booking up an appointment at a clinic. I was like you Canada and bounced between OE and DE for at least a few months. I am just starting now with seeing a clinic with a short waiting list. I did a lot of research on success rates and waiting lists and found a lovely clinic not too far with good success and a super short wait and I am at Care Northants. We see the doc tomorrow for tests and have been waiting for 4 weeks with the wait list around 6-8wks. If you would like to pm me your email address I can email the chart comparing most UK clinics and their success rates. That goes for anyone else too - I wrote it for myself but you can adapt it for you and the success rates are on there.

I found it such a difficult decision and still do now - IT UTTERLY SUCKS to be in our position but the chances of success and the vastly reduced chances of miscarriage I absolutely love. Feel like I won a little on the fertility lottery to be back at 43 with 50% success rates!

Wishing all of us strength and love until we find a resolution x


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Canada,

You have fantastic replies to your thread & congratulations to all you ladies pg with ED!

I am in a similar position to yourself and after a lot of research & soul searching I have decided to move to ED. I started trying when I was 39, after 3 mcs a cancelled ivf cycle and no luck whatsoever I felt in my heart its time to try something different. Battling on with such low egg reserves and poor egg quality was starting to feel like a sign of complete madness and tbh I cant breath at the thought of having another mc and the most important thing for me now is a healthy baby. The thought of living a life childless fill me with terrible dread so I am going to embrace my new path. It hasn't been an easy decision and I totally understand how your feeling having to grieve and accept the lose of a genetic child but after reading so much positive stories about ED babies it does give me a sense of peace and reading up on genetics is a reassurance to me. Also I may not be so nervous if I was pg again with DE as less risk of further mcs.

I am going back & forth in my head at the moment while deciding between clinics. Not sure whether to go with my local clinic and have them arrange everything for me which is a toss up between Care Nottingham or IVI Alicante or cut the middle man out and head for Prague for the competitive prices. 

Inca I would be most interested in seeing your success rate chart if you dont mind. I will pm my email address and yes infertility does SUCK!

Wish you all good luck Xx


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