# What to say?



## Sunset (Sep 21, 2008)

Hi
We have been married for nearly 2 years. When my sis-in-law had a baby it def brought a lot of emotions to the surface for me. Should we adopt... foster... what to do?! DH is v happy as we are.
What I didn't realise was that when DH's family asked him if we were going to have a family that he v strongly hinted that I couldn't have a baby. He only told me that he'd made this comment a few weeks later.
I was q upset.   Mostly that he hadn't told me at the time. But also - it's v personal - to me. It's not something that I talk about openly.
I get fed-up fobbing people off when they ask the usual questions - how long are you married now? Would you not like children? etc etc. But when I talk about it I start to cry. 
I understand his reasons for wanting to tell his family. But I suppose I feel it's my business - not his. That's sounds really bad, doesn't it?!
Not sure how to deal with this. DH is a much more open person than me. I'm v private, TBH I don't see why we need to tell DH's family when most of mine have no idea!
Any suggestions/ideas?? 
x


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Hi sunset, so sorry to hear you are upset by this situation. Maybe your dh was caught off guard and made this comment just to put an end to the questions from his family. Does he know how you feel?
You know you need to talk to him about how this has made you feel so he can be a bit more sensitive to your feelings in the future.


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi Sunset,

Maybe your DH is putting on the fact that he's happy as you are, maybe he wanted them to know so he'd have someone to talk to about it? Have you sat down with your DH and had a proper conversation about it all? I understand how it's a very personal thing. We didn't tell people for a long time and my dad still doesn't know but I don't really know how my dad would take it. My auntie said my dad was very helpful to her and my uncle when they were having problems but I don't know it's never the thing my dad and I seem to talk about. I think there are certain people you don't want to know for many reasons and you're right it should be upto you as well when/if to tell his family. I understand that it's his family but you are married to him and you should decide things as a couple. Maybe once you've talked to your DH you could sit down with the closest members of both of your families and tell them together? You don't have to tell them everything but maybe they might be able to help you through it? I love this site having people to talk to that are going through the same thing but I love having my friends and my family too. Not everyone will be understanding but there will be some who will really help you through this tough time. 

Since I was diagnosed with PCOS i've kept a diary on my laptop. No-one has ever read it, my DF knows that I have it but it's a great way to get your emotions out without arguing with someone close to you - that's what i've found anyway 

Wishing you lots of luck and hope i've helped a bit,

Carls xxx


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