# Telling others



## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

I was just wondering whose told who they are/or were TTC? 

Some friends and family know we want a family in the future, however we have not told anyone yet, apart from my GP obviously, and now all you lovely ladies, that we are TTC. We felt this way it would take the stress off everyone asking how it was going each month. Also, for those few who may feel a bit uncomfortable with it,hopefully they will be less inclined to 'share' their views once we are pregnant.

However, I must admit I am finding it hard to keep quiet, as it is always on my mind. So just thought to see what others have or are doing, for tips?

S x x x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hiya

DP's mum knows about the same as what everyone on here knows and we are very close with her and tell her everything. My mum knows we want a family but doesnt know when we will be starting.... 

Most of our friends know we will start trying the end of this year beginning of next but we wont tell them exactly when we are doing a cycle...... the only people who will know when we will do a cycle is DP's immediate family everyone else will be told when/ if we get  pregnant and make it past the 12 wk mark.

Most people i work with know we want a family and are thinking of trying next year ish but dont know much more than that... 

Everyone who knows we are thinking of having a family has been ok ish to be honest the only person who has plan out told me they dont agree is DP younger brother... a few people at my work seemed a bit funny but no one has said anything horrid.

Keeping it secret is so so hard its all i think about all the time so everyone knows i want a baby they just wont know we've started TX or weather its worked until we are 12 wks gone.

Em x


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## Jode (Jan 1, 2009)

Hi

We,ve told my family and DP's family including grandparents that we are TTC. Everyone has been really supportive. It's made it 'realer' by telling people. Both of our families are really looking forward to it and we've even had offers of   from some of the blokes are they are outraged at the £££££.

People at work know I want a baby as a go super broody as soon as I see a baby or if anyone is preggers, but I'm not telling  them that are going be TTC until we hit the 12 week mark a bit like lesbo_mum.

Last night me and DP took her mum to a big Asda and she caught us looking at the baby clothes her face lit up a treat she's just as excited as us !!

Jody


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## kelz2009 (Jan 18, 2009)

my family know all, my dps family know. we told them b4 we went for 1st consultation. my work also know as i needed to explain why i would be needing time off, as every1 can be so funny about leave in my work place.  if they didnt know they would all be saying look at her taking all that time off etc...  im not in a very good mood with good days bad days with losin weight and trying to conceive, so probably  would have bitten heads off colleagues if they were *****in etc... I feel its really going to happen as i have had a lot of support from every1, my mum cant wait shes always saying when the babies here we will do this and that. i got to keep sayin mam there is no baby yet!!!!


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Thanks for the replies Kelz, Jody and Em,

I am finding it hard not sharing with other, especially my parents. I feel a bit guilty as I tend to tell them most things however DP and I decided not to tell anyone else until we are pregnant and around the 12 week mark. We had another discussion about it last night and she still wants to do this, as she feels like it is tempting fate otherwise. 

So for now, you ladies are honoured to be the only ones knowing our plans!

Love S x x x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

i told everyone pretty much everything all the way through but thats just me ... im rubbish at keeping things to myself.

gabs didnt tell her dad we were ttc, her mum actually told him a couple of weeks before my third iui, he was really thrilled, and im sure the weight off our minds that created helped us get preggas.

gabs didnt talk about it as much as i needed to, hence im on FF and she isnt!

axx


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Aimee - that made me laugh as I'm the same    . I just told everybody and when I first fell pg I tried so hard to be quiet but ended up telling so many people as a 'secret' it was ridiculous


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

i had these little 'seed' pins in my ears from acupuncture and even if someone like my hairdresser asked what they were for i would explain ...

yes im a lesbian, my partner and i are tring to concieve using donor sperm, im having acupuncture etc ...


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

I am finding it really hard to keep quiet...I just keep wanting to blab. But my DP wants me to keep quiet and because she will be the non bio mother, I want to make sure her wishes and feelings are respected as much as possible, so she doesnt feel left out. Plus right now I do think it would add stress to TTC, but I think I wont be able to keep   once I am finally pregnant (hopefully). 

S x x x


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## Guest (Mar 19, 2009)

Hiya, the first time round I think we only told my sister as we thought that if we were trying to get pregnant 'normally' we would not tell everyone we had started having unprotected sex! When I fell pregnant we were planning on waiting til the 12 week scan but we were too excited and told all the family at about 6 weeks. There was no way I could have kept it secret anyway because I was throwing up every morning and evening from 5-17 weeks - not fun   We are trying again with my partner this time and more people know because 1) once you've had 1 then people always ask when you are having another. 2) It is taking a long time and we ran out of money and have had to ask family for some more. 3) I have spoken to people for support and 4) My partner is typical irish and loves a drink with friends so whenever our best friends visit and she has just had treatment and isn't getting drunk they certainly notice!


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

just noticed your DS is Fionn so is my cousin, his other grandparents are irish ... his dad born in uk but feels irish!


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Hi Moo, thanks for the message. My DW has the same reason about not telling people, she said if we were straight we wouldnt so why should we now! But we have come to an agreement about telling close family and friends when I am preg, at about the 6 week mark and everyone else at the 12 week mark, if I'm not 'outed' by morning sickness and not drinking LOL  

x x x


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## Battenberry (Mar 18, 2009)

We told Mum's on both sides that we were planning to go to a clinic and explained all the ins and outs, but then didn't tell them exactly when we were going to start treatment. We did tell them when our first IUI was unsuccessful and they know we're waiting for a donor at the moment to get started again. They have both been very respectful and don't ask questions unless we start talking about it but both are excited about it.
As far as friends and work go, I told my best mate and another very close friend when we were having treatment, who were fantastic, it was lovely having someone to talk to other than DW who doesn't  talk as much as I do! They were really encouraging. However another of my friends asks everytime I see or speak to her if I have any "news" and it started to really annoy me, so I pointed out if I was straight then she probably wouldn't know until I was pregnant so I would tell her if I had any news.  It didn't really work she still asks a lot and I must admit our friendship has suffered and I don't see or speak to her as often as I don't want to say No, I'm still not pregnant etc ... I feel quite mean as it's probably me just being super sensitive about the whole issue! Not sure if it makes a difference she is straight with children so I feel she's coming from a different angle where it's not that hard to conceive.. 
DW said she wasn't going to tell her friend/work mates, but then got over excited and told them all when we were on our 2WW and said it was a little difficult when we got a BFN as everyone had been asking.. But they were all supportive.
I planned NOT tell my manager at work, but then ended up needing quite a few mornings off work for clinic appts so had to tell her, and she was really supportive, so I will be telling her next time round just to make altering my hours around clinic appts a bit easier.
I think it's a really individual thing, now I've tested the water I will be just sticking to my best mate next time around until we hopefully get good news! Like you MandMtb we would like to wait until around the  6 or 12 week mark but think we will get too excited to do that and blab before if we're lucky enough to get a BPF! 
B x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

battenberry - thats a real shame your friend didnt really get the hint!   could you just say 'i feel pressured by you asking me all the time, i would you please wait for me to let you know if i have any news?' or is she really thick skinned?


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## Battenberry (Mar 18, 2009)

Hi Aimee,
That's a great suggestion   I find it really hard to be direct as I generally worry I will upset the other person or it will lead to conflict. I tried to go down the line of "someone at work is asking me and it is really annoying me, I will tell them when I have any news" but she's not taken that hint either, perhaps she feels because she's in the friend camp she's entitled to ask!
Next time it crops up I think I will just calmly do as you suggest and be direct, and then see if things improve.
Thanks for your help!
B x
P.S. Seen the pics of your nursery, it's gorgeous. One of DW's friends has just picked the gingerbread theme and she thought it was so gorgeous she came home and showed me on the internet, but your pics are far better! Exciting.. x


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## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

Pretty much everyone knew that we were TTC, and I was so obsessed by it that I just wanted to talk about it all the time, even if things weren't going well. Gotta analyse every last detail.....!
I don't remember having problems with people pushing for info all the time, but then they probably didn't get the chance before I'd told them anyway. 
Everyone's going to know the timing etc. of this next IVF attempt too, can't keep it to myself at all


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## dyketastic (Nov 21, 2008)

Im exactly like nismat.  I told anyone who would listen    I now find myself avoiding the subject and not wishing everyone knew but hey ho, thats just me and my big mouth  

Its easy that work know as don't have to think of excuses for hospital appointments


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