# End of our journey



## Joanne R (Feb 5, 2006)

Hi everyone

I've just found out this morning that my final IVF attempt has failed.  Not due to test until next Tues but AF has arrived.  

Just feeling totally numb and not sure what to do or even think next.  I feel so angry and raw and feel like there's a gaping hole in my future that I'll never be able to fill 

Adoption is not an option for us as I've had quite severe mental health probs in the past and continue to do so.  So this really is the end of the journey for us.

I know it will take time and at the moment everything just feels too raw to talk about so please excuse the brief post.

Can anyone recommend any good books that would be useful?  I just desperately want to feel like I'm not on my own feeling like this.

Joanne


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Not sure about books as although helpful they tend to cater more for those that have chosen to be child free. I would recommend one of Maggie Mae's workshops though. You will meet others in your position and be given the space to express how you feel in a safe environment and some tools to help you continue on with your life. 

I am so sorry to hear your news and sending you a big hug  

x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi Joanne, 

I'm so sorry to read your post. You've come to a good place - so many women here will really understand how you feel. Everyone find their own path to feeling better, and I know it feels horrible today, but it won't always be as it is now. Use this place as much as you can for ranting, support and comfort...

As for good books, there are a few, my favourite being Sweet Grapes by Jean and Michael Carter. Try putting 'childlessness' into an amazon search and see what you get. Let me know if you want to chat more about this. 

Love to you, 

MM xxx


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## Joanne R (Feb 5, 2006)

Thank you Yamoona for your kind words.

Thanks also to Maggie Mae - I've PM'd you.

Joanne x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Joanne,

I am sorry to read your news. Take care of yourself, go gently. As you say, it will take time, so give yourself that time to start to recover

The time immediately after a final and failed treatment attempt or a miscarriage can feel very lonely indeed, but you are not alone. Like MM, I would encourage you to come here, a place where people understand and are about the most supportive people I have ever come across. 

Love  
Jq xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh Joanne

I am so dreadfully sorry to read your message. IVF is such a big deal to go through to have the treatment not work out.

I'd like to say that you didn't fail this IVF treatment honey - the treatment failed you.

Sending you my love and a very gentle hug.

Emcee xxx


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## Joanne R (Feb 5, 2006)

Dear Emcee

Thanks for you kind words.  That really is a lovely positive way of looking at it and it made me smile for the first time in 2 days.

Love

Joanne


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## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Hi Joanne

Although we welcome you with open arms, I am very sorry that you have found yourself at the end of your tx journey and the need to be here. 

I am sure you will find that we all recognise some of what you are facing right now, some of us are further along our paths than others, but we all have felt your sense of desolation at an unimagined future. I hope that with time you will find your way through the pain you feel right now.

You asked about books and I have recently read one called...

"Beyond Childlessness - For every woman who ever wanted to have a child and didn't" by Rachel Black & Louise Scull.

I got if off Amazon about £12.

It has lots of observations and stories from women like us and it resonated so strongly with me and made me feel that I am not the only one to have had the thoughts and reactions I have had. So many times I read bits out to my DH and said to him 'this is exactly what it is like, I feel this way too'. It prompted lots of discussions and I think helped him to see how it feels to be me and to express how it feels to be him and more importantly how we can retain our feelings and identity of us.

Of course it doesn't answer the questions I most wanted answering 'How can I face my life with out children? what will I do? how will we get through this? how can I ever bear this pain?

But what it did do is make me realise that these questions are valid and that eventually I will find my own answers.

I hope this helps.

Take care

Vicki
x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Vikki,

That book sounds well worth a look, thanks for the recommendation. I guess nobody can answer your questions as they are about "how can *I*..." and everyone is different. On this board and in books like that we can at least support each other to find our individual answers. I am often inspired by the other people who post here. I may not want to do it their way, but it is good to know that it is possible to find a way.

Good luck with finding your own answers, I hope you will continue to share that journey with us and get some support along the way.

Love

Jq xxxx


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