# leaving baby behind.



## finlay foxy (May 31, 2006)

Hello everybody i am going round in circles.  i am due to go over to Crete for imsi in september. I am lucky enough to have a 15month old son.  The longest i have left him is about 4 hours and then i ran in the house because i missed him so much!

The problem is i can't get anybody to come out with me. My DH is only coming out for his bit and flying back as he can't take time off.  So after ET i would have to look after a very active, over 2 stone little boy who likes to be picked up....allot!  

I could leave him with my parents (who love him) but i don't know if i could bear being away from him.  I know i need to give this the best shot i can, which includes rest, rest rest after et. But will i miss him terribly. has anybody else left there ds/dd and survived and got pregnant?  I need cheering up as i don't know a way through this other than leaving him 

Angela


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## Sasha B (Jan 24, 2005)

Hi Angela,

I have posted a link to this on the 'Hoping for another miracle' thread. Hope you get the answers you are looking for.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=131416.540

love,

Sasha xxx


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## Ms Minerva (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi Finlay Fox, (found your post, thanks to Sasha!)

Just wanted to say that I left my DD when I went for treatment and although it was hard, it was bearable. She was older than you DS, but I don't think that it matters.

Remember that it is in a good cause! However, I am not convinced that rest is the answer to getting a BFP and millions of women all over the world get pregnant whilst caring for other children. When I got my last BFP, I didn't really rest, in fact I went mountain walking 3 days post ET - sounds mad I know and I am not recommending it, but it was a beautiful day and we had the offer of a guided walk in the mountains.....

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Jules


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

Hi, Finlay fox, 

I have just come back from Kiev.  I left DD with DH for 4 days - he is a teacher so was off work. In truth he did the lions share of the childcare for a bit longer than that!  It was hard to leave her and to be away from her for so long but I knew she was in good hands even if she would be a little unkempt and scruffy when I got back!  DH is now more confident about his own childcare abilities and its a good sign that DD can cope with a parents absence for a few days at a time.  I have to say that the time had to be right for this; I would have felt uncomfortable doing this a few months ago as she would have been still highly dependent on me and DH was frankly not as competent as he is now.

I think its such a tense time that its good to go on your own if you can .
We did contemplate all going over there but it was too expensive and I did frankly not want the hassle. In addition the driving in Kiev is appalling and few cars have rear seatbelts , and I have never seen a child in a car seat there, so ferrying children around , especially with a UK health and safety mindset, is fraught with difficulty. Crete however is likely to be different in that respect as its in the EU. 
In addition the ' me ' time was and is I think very important.

For the last three txs abroad I have been largely alone, with DH either flying out for his bit alone or leaving early with me staying behind.  It wasnt the way I wanted it but it had to be done. 

I have to say also that I have never been that good on the rest front after transfer, apart from the hour or so immediately after transfer. Each time I had to fly home the day after. Even the afternoon after tx I felt I had to get out for a gentle walk on each occasion- and Kiev is fairly hilly!  When I got back to England I had to take over the childcare to give DH a rest. 
I had an active time last time and still got pg.  However you do have to do what you feel is best for you.  Personally I feel that light exercise is good for the circulation, especially after lying down after tx, and after a flight, and could only be of benefit.

I hope you make the decision that is right for you, and good luck with the forthcoming tx,


love roze  xx


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