# Noodles is on the 'A' Road!



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Everyone on this thread. Thought I'd start a diary of our adoption story as I would like a record of what happens - to hopefully show our little one(!) when the time comes! Also I do think I will need all your support (hope that doesn't sound selfish!)   


Our background is I am 38 and my lovely husband is 40. We had been trying for 4 years to have a baby. After a year we suspected something might be wrong. I had a laparoscopy and they found I had 2 completely blocked tubes - thought to have been like that since birth. At this point my husband and I applied to adopt as I has heard horror stories about IVF. 
A good friend of mine had tried the process many, many times and was so emotionally overwhelmed by it all she wasn't the same happy go lucky girl. .... I could see the affect it had had on her and felt so terribly sad and helpless....
However on lots more consideration I thought we had better at least TRY  IVF. So the following year, after losing 2 stone in weight and a relaxing holiday,  we tried IVF. We did fall pregnant. We were ecstatic! At 6 months into the pregnancy the doctors told us crushingly, the baby had a 'diaphragmatic hernia' which ment his diaphragm had a hole in it and his liver was lodged between the baby's lungs. This had stopped them developing. They told us our child would at some point die - whether it was in the next 3 months or when I delivered. There was nothing further they could do.    So........a very difficult decision........ we had to get the babies heart stopped. For two days the baby would not deliver so I had to have a little operation to open the cervix. Then I gave birth...... A tiny, beautiful boy who we met very briefly and called Jacob.    This whole experience was Horrendous. From my own emotional pain to my husbands. A real life nightmare. 


In the subsequent year we did try IVF once again. It didnt work. We both felt terrified of it working and not working...... More decisions to make...... Then after lots more deliberation we decided Adoption (our first idea) was the way for us.


So here we are now having completed  our Prep course in November and this Monday(13th) our social worker is visiting to start the Assessment process. We are very, very excited to say the least!!!!!! I think this is us really starting now. I am terrified I do something wrong! I am terrified I cant do it. I am just frightened - is that natural?? 


Hubbie is so, so excited which is lovely to see. I think our journey to having a family has been really sore on him. After losing our darling boy I know my husband was completely and utterly heartbroken. I do hope this process is relatively smooth? Is anything?   


Anyway I am blethering on..... hope all you lovely courageous girls out there are progressing on the A Road and your dreams are getting nearer.   FF has been a great support to me throughout the years.   Thanks to all for reading. Any advice or stories about the Assessment process would be appreciated.


I will write again after Monday and let you know, hopefully our time scales!!!!! Wish us Luck! Take care Noodles xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi noodles 

So sorry to hear of your heartbreak it must have been awful. 

Good luck with your journey we're only just starting ours hopefully we start prep course in march. 

Look forward to reading your update on Monday 

 
Emma xxxx


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## flickJ

Hi Noodles,

Best of luck for Monday, I hope everything goes smoothly for you.  

Just starting out on our journey and the nerves are kicking in for us too, but when I think of what we hope will be the end result,  it is all worth it. Your story was really heartbreaking and so moving, it really upset me   and I pray for a happy outcome for you and your hubby.


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all! A quick update my lovely ladies. We have now started The Assessment. More indepth forms to fill in and then we meet up in two weeks time. We've to find and show forms of identification which we looked out last night. Luckily everything was there!


Our social worker was very pleasant. She is very professional and organised. There will be around 10 meetings in all. We hope to go to panel around August time!!!! 


She met our exuberant dog for the first time and thankfully he behaved!   He is always good except when someone first comes into the house as he wants to sniff them (and do what dogs do, I guess). Anyway she took it all in her stride so hopefully it will be ok. At the moment I have this terrible habit of analysing everything and I am now worried we will not get a child as we have a 'biggish' dog. I know silly, silly, silly - my dh says there's no way a dog can be a problem. Anyways the truth is he is very well trained and does generally do as he is told! I guess I just want a child so much I keep thinking what else will stop us   


But to be honest and not neurotic I'd say it was a very positive meeting and dh and I were so happy it went well!    We treated ourselves to dinner at our fave. restaurant. 


Hope to catch up sn. Had better go and walk said dog as he is whining at the bottom of the stairs!! Noodles xx (we're getting there!)


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## Mummy Noodles!

Flick and Emma thanks for your encouragement!! 
It helps to know there are others out there too. Wishing you both luck in March   
For some reason feeling really impatient today and have a LOAD of paper work!! 

Noodles xx


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## flickJ

Its really started now, you must be so excited! So pleased it went well.  

Glad your dog was well behaved, I have the same worries as you that it may be a sticking point in the adoption process (in our case not one dog, but six!)

It sounds as though your sw is a really nice person so good luck, and keep us up to date.


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## wendycat

noodles - Just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world   


Wendy


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## rikschick

Hi Noodles, 
Was so sorry to read your story and hear of your loss. Just wanted to wish you all the best on this new journey xxxx


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all! Thought I'd write a small update - not that much has happened. We've filled in our application and have checked with our referees that they will definitely be okay as a referee. Both parties are very willing    So our next SW meeting is this wednesday at 4.30pm!!! Quite excited but also dreading it as don't know what else they want from us!! I hope it goes well as I am a little worried that she doesn't like our labrador and dh thinks we should send him to Granny day care (he often goes there) .... however our SW will be here every 2 weeks so perhaps not a good idea. As the SW needs to get to know us with the dog around?? He is very well behaved ---only a little boisterous when someone first comes in.... 


Let me know what you think ? Take care Noodles XX P.S Needing a


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## Mummy Noodles!

Two days till our second meeting..... and  I am getting excited!!!    Every day when I wake up I think '1 day closer' to having a child!!
Oh I do hope it goes well. Wish us Luck!   


Noodles x


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## flickJ

Best of luck Noodles, I have everything crossed for you


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## KJB1978

Good Luck Noodles!!


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi like minded people! Another visit down...and... I think  it went  well - I think! We had all our documents organised, dog walked, house tidied and well I think it was okay. How can know if you are saying/doing the right things?


Every time we meet our sw it gets a little easier. She has to be guarded, obviously, as she is assessing us, but today she was rather nice. I rather warmed to her. We had more forms to fill in and more homework to do. I feel as though it is a never ending paper trail! 


As our sw is on holiday for a week our visit is not for another 3 weeks! For me that feels that a life time - they are usually every 2 weeks....Alas 'patience is a virtue' is really true in my case!


Anyway the dog behaved. dh was nervous (God bless) and very efficient - he asked loads of questions I didn't even think of - and occasionally made jokes (his nature) , I chuckled to myself and well sometimes we all laughed! So all in all very positive.   


So waiting for 3 weeks time. A good experience     Noodles xx


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## flickJ

Brilliant, Noodles - so happy for you, three weeks will fly by (I hope)


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## rikschick

Sounds like a good visit! Laughing is always good. My DH cracked some terrible jokes and our s'wer always laughed! Yes, last summer our s 'wer cancelled a meeting because she was poorly, then we went on holiday. Didn't see her for a month, felt like ages!
3weeks will fly by! 
x


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi there, just checking in again. Only 6 days until our next SW meeting. Looking fwd to tking another step fwd. Our homework has been to write about our past family life. I have done mine but I am unsure if it's correct. Has anyone else done this> and what did you include? DH has written 2 pages , I have written 6...don't want to bore our SW and give her too much to read!!


Tonight I feel as though things are going rather slowly  


Noodles xx


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## snapdragon

Hi we have done homework about our childhood. We were asked quite specific questions, how we were disciplined, what we would do the same and what we would do differently, good memories and bad, exciting times (struggled with that) relationships with each parent and any siblings.

I guess I'm at a similar stage to you. We started homestudy in Jan but after 4 meetings our sw was taken ill and couldn't continue. We are starting again with a new sw next week. Its set us back about 6 weeks and we will have to repeat some of what we've done already.  I know how frustrating it is waiting for your next meeting, Ive not had one for 5 weeks and its driving me mad.


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## Mummy Noodles!

Top of the morning to you all! Just on for a wee update. We have had our next SW meeting. I think we have done 3 now so we must be making some progress.    All our references are back in except my work. I asked my boss and she said she sent it - so think she may have to do it again!    Handed in our family stories and trees which I HOPE are okay. Mine was eleven pages long and I still feel it wasnt quite good enough!! ! Was chatting with my sister yesterday and she was saying the process takes absolutely ages! This morning I feel as though we will never ever get there!!


Our individual interviews are next. DH is first next week and I am the next again week. Does anyone know what is asked?? Trying hard to be patient!    I'm wandering how much longer it will take.... maybe another year (and a half) ?   


Oh well - at least we are making progress. 


 Noodles


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## flickJ

Nice to hear from you Noodles, sounds as though you are getting on well - hang on in there, you'll get there and it is sooooo worth it!


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## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Flicks! What stage are you at? Are you now ready to start the homestudy? All the best to you too honey XXX


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## flickJ

Dh and I have our initial interview on April 5th and form that we hope to be taken on officially. All the feedback we have had is positive so we are hopeful but I know there are so many hurdles yet. It must be so good to be making such progress like you and to know you are nearing your goal. Good Luck Noodles


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## Mummy Noodles!

And good luck to you  - is it on Friday?? Hey not long away.... We are getting there. It is a long winding road but one day we will make our dreams come true. DH has a meeting on Monday. I do hope he is okay - he 'says' he's not nervous but you know men they never really admit these things. I am here for him anyway   And the next week I have my solo interview. I hope all goes well for you too Flick. All the best!!!! Exciting times right enough!!!!  


Noodles xxx


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all! How is everyone this fine Easter holiday? I am in good form - partly to do with being on holiday and the adoption IS moving along    DH had his solo interview last week and by all accounts, well only his (but just going to listen to that as there is no point in worrying) it went well. He was interviewed for 2 hours!! I thought this was rather long. He was asked EVERTHING - in his words not mine! He found some of it hard going especially about losing our son at 25 weeks. DH tends not to talk about it, as you can imagine this part was very difficult for him as he struggles to explain his feelings. He was very emotional and shed a tear. i think our SW was close too!! I really did feel for him   Hope this doesn't go against us ! I know it is silly to feel like that but I am never really sure what is expected!   

Appart from that they asked about; the way he was brought up, his friends, ex-girlfriends, hobbies, our relationship, his family... so yeah a lot!  


My interview is on Tuesday so a bit nervous but I'm sure it will be fine!!!!   Hope I manage to make a good impression!!! 


Flick - hope you got on okay yesterday? Let us know... x


Onwards and upwards Girlies!!   


Love Holiday Noodles xx


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## Mummy Noodles!

On Tuesday I had my solo interview and it's not for the faint hearted!! She asked me everything! I've had a lovely upbringing but felt as though the sw was trying to get me to tell her I was unhappy in some ways!! Thinking about it now makes me feel   DH and I have lovely families with no probs and I know we are lucky... It lasted 2 and a half hours. I found the interview very nerve wracking and I was shaking (with emotion). Was relieved when it was over...


Then DH came back from his Medical with 'high blood pressure'!!!   He was really upset about that! However, we have a blood pressure monitor in the house (his Dad has high blood pressure) and checked it before he left for doctors app. and it was fine!!!! It was the pressure of the appointment that gave a high reading!  


It aint easy...   


Keep trying to imagine a little one in our house as this cheers me up and keeps us going!!!  


Hope everything is going to be okay. Noodles


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## flickJ

Gosh Noodles, that sounds rather intense   I understand why you are glad it's over. Do you get feedback on how each session goes or is it all in the report at the end? 

Not too long to go then ....... best wishes to you both   

I am waiting for the official go-ahead, got everything crossed (even the dogs' paws! all 24 of them)


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Flick!  Thanks for replying.....Had a wee chat with some of my friends/family and they reckon DH blood pressure will be okay as long as DH makes an effort to get it down - which he is. I think they need to ask a lot of questions to make sure we are good enough but at the time.... it really ruffled my feathers!! 


Feeling lots better... and listen dont you be put off - I dont think all solo interviews are like that. Each council and sw does it differently from what I can understand. So dont you worry about it!! I have had many deaths in my family and raking it all up again made me think of all the good times and how much I miss them - it was very difficult. Ive got to admit our sw was nice - it was just a lot for me. 


We didnt get any feedback unless that comes later on in the process? All the very , very best with your application. You should hear quite quickly...


We're getting there! Noodles    


P.S Just dawned on me there perhaps it was so long as I do tend to talk a lot once started!!!


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## snapdragon

We have our individual interviews next meeting, not looking forward to it. Was very surprised to be told these will be our last and our sw is then going to write up our report.  Panel won't be for ages though, was moved back a couple of months as sw thought it would take her longer than it did.

Don't worry too much about the blood pressure, not surprising in the circumstances and lots of people have the occasional high reading. My dh is actually on medication for his blood pressure (and his cholesterol) and it isin't seen as a problem.

Had some bad news today, we had seen the cpr of a little boy but because of a delay in our homestudy, had to start again with a new sw after the first one couldn't continue due to illness, they have found a new family for him. We had prepared ourselves for this but our sw has been trying to find out for weeks, her emails and phone calls going unanswered, and the message from the family finder today was don't worry we've got lots of other children. 

Goodluck with the rest of your homestudy.


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## Mummy Noodles!

Good luck on your intreviews Snapdragon!!And then panel ... now that is exciting!!


We are getting ready for our next visit. Ive cleaned the house from top to bottom. Feel that at least that is one thing I can control. I think this is our 4/5 meeting so hoping we are half way. Hoping to go to panel August. 


Ive stilll to have my medical so that is a biggie!!


Each day is a step fwd!!   Noodles xx


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## Mummy Noodles!

How did you get on Snap Dragon with your interviews? Any interesting questions??


Another visit done and I think we are moving forward. We had our dog and house assessment and I think it was okay. Hoping to go to panel July/August. It's hard going but I am trying to be patient. My medical is next and I am about a stone over weight - so have to lose that for the middle of June. Jogged 4 miles this morning so I am making an effort. 

Hope now until the panel goes in quick!!!  Hope you are all getting there  Noodles x


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## snapdragon

My individual interview was a lot better than I was expecting, only 45 mins. They seem to vary a lot. I was mailnly asked about what kind of parent I thought my dh would be, about his parenting strengths and weaknesses and about his strengths and weaknesses as a person. I was also asked about us as a couple, how we made decisions and about who would do what in terms of childcare. Other people seen to be asked a lot of stuff about their childhood but we had already covered that. Anyhow our sw is now writing up our report.

Good luck with the rest of yours


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Snapdragon - good to see you are making progress! So pleased your interview went well. You'll be glad it is over! It is interesting to see what is asked as our sw wanted to know a lot about the way I was brought up. My guess is because this influences how you would bring up your own son or daughter. And now you are onto the report ... hey definite progress!!  


Hey Flick - how are you doing? Hope all is well and you have got started without any cliches.  


We've got another meeting this Wednesday and we've to discuss different CPR's - what does this stand for? I know it is about different children's backgrounds and how we would support a child. I hope it isn't too difficult to answer!!!


The last week or two Ive been feeling as though time is dragging in. Met an old colleague at a meeting the other day. I used to work with her and she is a lovely person. I was so pleased to see her. Anyway, we were exchanging news... and she said enthusiastically ' I heard you've got a family now, what have you got?' My spirits sank as I replied hastily ,' Not me ... nope .... em... well we have a dog and well that's it. No change.' I felt awful and struggled to keep up with the rest of the conversation.


Been thinking and at my own work and with friends and family everyone knows my situation so nobody asks me. I was totally caught off guard and began wandering to myself. What have I been doing for the last 7 years?? I felt so empty inside   . In my ideal world Id have had two children running around my feet. I had not planned this life....


Went home and had a good cry and well have picked myself up. Afterall we are getting there with the adoption. Even though I feel at the moment it is slow. Patience is a virtue!!!  I am currently on a eating and exercise plan as I have my medical in  June. Got to stay positive!!!   Me and hubbie (he's feeling it too) together we will get there. 


Noodles xx


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## flickJ

Hi Noodles, Sorry to hear you you had a bit of a down moment. 

I think this process makes us all have doubts and questions, but somehow we have to look towards the future and forget our past. One day you will be a mum and it will all be worth it and next time you see your friend you can proudly show her pics of your LO's     

Good luck to you and your DH, I'm sure it will all turn out positively


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## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Flick!! We are getting there. Another meeting over. Next step is for our referees to be interviewed. hoping all goes well with that as well. Quite a lot of pressure to put them under too.   


Inching forward!!


Noodles xx


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## nutmeg

Hope you are feeling brighter now and you can see your way forward


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## Mummy Noodles!

A quick update.. I feel as though I haven't been on here for ages!! We have got all our referees seen now. We have one more visit from our sw and her boss(!) and then to panel in August!!!!! So things moving along well. I'm booking my medical tomorrow.Hope that all goes smoothly. Ive been trying to lose weight but all these BBQ's are playing havoc with my waist line. 


Life has been a bit stressful - we both found all the interviews worrying  and work has been hectic too. However yesterday dh and I concluded that we are moving forward....


I am now wandering how long it will be before we find our child...- more waiting!    


Righty I am off for a jog - want to be a 'fit mum' when the time eventually comes!!  


Hope all is well with everyone else Noodles xxx


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## Mummy Noodles!

Well, well well time is moving on and we all must be getting closer!! On Monday we have our last sw meeting , with her boss also, before panel. Fingers crossed it all goes well. I can feel the pressure building up again. Always feel like that before a meeting...... Then our next gigantic step is Panel!!!!!  

Lol Noodles xx


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## flickJ

That's great news, I'm so pleased for you ....... nearly there now   Best of luck, hun


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## Mummy Noodles!

Had our, I think, official last meeting! It went well and dh and I are beginning to get excited! Panel at beginning of August and then hopefully not too long a wait..... We are thinking of starting to clear out and decorate a room after panel. Oh my it is our dream and it is starting to come true     We are excited and terrified    


Hope you all are moving along nicely.   


What a journey and still farther to travel but every day is closer!   


Noodles xx


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## wendycat

Noddles, so glad to see things moving along. XX


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## nutmeg

Oooh very exciting - have you got the date in August yet?


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all! A quick update... we got our report for panel to check yesterday and it's appears very good. There is nothing negative in it. Our SW does write that we are 'vulnerable' as we lost a son at 25 weeks gestation a year and a half ago. I hope this doesnt go against us at panel... We go to panel on Thurs 2nd August. Our SW also thinks it could be quite a wait until a match   .


Trying to keep positive ... 


Noodles xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh wow so glad your report reads so well. Im sure it wont go against you at all. It shows great courage to continue your fight after the heartbreak you have been through. Strong and admirable, you will be fine. Hope time flies by and you get a match before you know it *hugs* x x x


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## wendycat

Got every thing crossed for you


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## nutmeg

Ooooh so close to your date. I'm sure everything will go perfectly


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## Mummy Noodles!

Passed Panel - well it has still to be rubber stamped by the high of the high but it's looking good...


We did a lot of celebrating yesterday                        


A very chuffed Mr & Mrs !!


Noodles XX


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## Mummy Noodles!

Thought Id write an update in my diary as it has been a couple of months. Since panel our SW has been to see us once, joined Adoption UK and we've been to one meeting. Apart from that not a lot has happened... We are both struggling with the never ending wait. It feels like we are kind of Stuck. Been saving money so that I can stay off for a while when we get our LO - so at the moment skint a lot of the time.   


Praying that we hear something soon   


Fingers crossed x


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## flickJ

Noodles, I was so happy to see that you have passed your panel (I'm so sorry I missed the date but I haven't been on here for a while)

The waiting must be tough, but it will all be worth it for you when you are finally a family.
Congratulations and best wishes


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## Mummy Noodles!

A small update .... as I feel this is becoming significant. The Waiting is really, really tough... I am sure I will feel differently when we finally get there but it's very hard. Even DH is struggling  . He had pinned his hopes on before xmas 2012 but there has been no matches(I did tell him this but I think he is now that desperate that he has not listened) I feel bad for him also.


I really hope that next year we don't have to wait forever. Sometimes I think I dreamt passing panel and being approved to adopt as there are no visits, hardly any contact(monthly half hour visit from our SW) and meetings. I feel as though it was a lovely fantasy I had a couple of months ago but really it will never happen.   


It has only been 3 and a half months since we were approved but the joy of that has worn off. 'Limbo Land' has taken over. We are saving as I want to be off work as long as possible and then go back part time. So watching all the pennies (for what though?) .....Its rather an uncomfortable feeling as you feel as though you are not moving forward and cannot until our LO comes..... We have a meeting with our SW next Wednesday so hopefully this will help us move forward.   


Noodles (Still waiting and hoping to be a Mum one day) x   


P.S Sorry for the moan. I am usually upbeat - will need to try more I guess.


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## Maccer

Hi Noodles,  

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time,  We have been exactly where you and your DH are.  After being approved it really is the hardest time because you are waiting for that phone call or email and there are no set meetings.  Have you been put on the national register as of yet?  Once this happened for us we received a number of profiles and eventually some CPR's.  we have now been linked with a little boy and we were approved in May.  Please don't give up hope but also try to keep everything as normal as possible and believe me I know hard this can be!  Hope you hear some good news soon!  

Maccer xxx


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## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Maccer for your words of wisdom. Congratulations on your match - a little boy in January!! You must be so excited and ...terrified!! These stories give me hope. I am indeed 'trying' to keep everything normal. Said to DH and we don't think we are on the national register (can't understand how we do not know - the sysytem can be a bit of a minefield)  so we will ask lots on Wednesday with our SW. It's good to know there are others out there who understand   


My aim this weekend is to try to be positive!     
Thanks. Noodles x


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## Mummy Noodles!

Cant believe it was November when I last updated this site!


We have finally been matched to a 2 year old LO. We are ecstatic!!!   


We have to go to a provisional panel in mid May and the intros in June... seems like ages away and we are waiting AGAIN!


However the Wait has an end in sight this time     Feel a bit overwelmed and anxious about the next part....but I'll get there.


Hopeful days XX    Noodles XX


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

That's amazing noodles congratulations. 

We are both running along the same time scale we have provisional matching panel date of mid may and meet our beautiful lo in June. We'll be doing this together how amazing. 

Big hugs xxxxxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Another congratulations Noodles so glad x x


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## Mummy Noodles!

Another update for the diary. We got an email last week and we've to meet out LO on the 14th June - this was my Dad's birthday - he died 14 years ago ... I am thinking this is a good omen. So excited about meeting LO. I have bought a few so, so cute clothes. I keep going into his room and just looking at the size of them. We have alphabet wooden flooring so he can drive his little trucks and cars about   


There is a meeting for our LO on the 13th June and all being well everything will go ahead. I am praying every day everything will go ahead.  I don't think I have ever waited on and wanted ANYTHING so much in my life!!!  


18 days to go!!!!


We've also to meet bio Mum at some point. I am really , really nervous about this as having had my own child (25 weeks gestation) I know the Love you feel for a child. And surely EVERY Mum feels this. For many reasons, which I cannot and will not go into, she has never had our LO...However I do still really, really feel for her.   I am so grateful to her ...... It's going to be a tough one!    


Anyway time is moving on and every day we are closer to meeting our LO!!


Righty I had better go get the dinner on!


Noodles xx


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## Wyxie

Wow, that's really near.  I just realised how near.  Terrifyingly near.  Mostly terrifying for me because I just realised how soon that is and that's exactly the same dates we've got for life appreciation/planning and intros starting.  Errrk.  18 days you say?  Bloody hell!

I think it's really good that you've got the opportunity to meet with birth mum, and I also think you're absolutely correct.  Just because a parent cannot look after their child, it doesn't mean they don't love them.  I hope you manage to get something useful out of the meeting.

We had the opportunity to meet with Wyxling's b/m but for various reasons Social Services related it didn't happen.  I just wanted to try and find out something about her that I could tell Wyxling, other than the very negative aspect of her life we know about, even if it was just what music she liked, or what hobbies she'd had when she was younger.  Now it's thought that she'd be unlikely to agree to a further meeting unless her new partner (Bladelet's biological father) is involved and that's too high risk.


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## Mummy Noodles!

Can't believe it's been so long since I've updated this!!


We met our LO, a super gorgeous little boy aged 2yrs + at the end of June 2013. As he was such a cutie I was in awe of him straight away. He chattered to us and I was over the moon if somewhat nervous!!!   
We brought him home a week later. I recall Introductions being very emotional, tiring and too much. Our FCs were absolutely lovely and had done a terrific job. They were really upset about him leaving however they tried their best not to show it. 


I remember on the way home with LO  - it was a long, long drive - DH CRIED. This in itself alarmed me as he has never been like this. I think it was the build up .....leaving the bereft FC - the fight with infertility-losing the baby- and now FINALLY bringing our boy home. Wow it was too much! I took over the driving and worried about LO and DH!   But also inside myself I was truly elated at bringing home our boy. I think that is what kep't me going.


The weather that summer was amazing and all the family had a great time outside in the paddling pool and BBQs. I recall it was also a nervous time as we were constantly trying to make sure everything wasnt too much for LO. We introduced everyone very slowly. In those first few weeks he was quite quiet...


Move along to now...10 months in placement he is a confident, energetic, chatterbox and has a will of iron!  He has grown so much and actually looks like a proper little boy. My little baby is gone    He is still utterly gorgeous ( I could eat him!!). He is a Mummy's boy and we spend many happy hours together building duplo, watering the garden in the rain(take from that what you will!), making muffins, playing in the kitchen sink, walking the dog and going on day adventures together. He is my World.


It has not been an easy journey. LO sees a lot of me, Gran and Grandpa and thus has bonded very well with us. Dad, who has to work hard 'to bring home the pennies' has had less time with LO and really misses him. At the weekends they wash the cars, chop up wood ( watch the fingers!!!!), jet wash the patio and swim. DH is knackered and LO is still bouncing   So yeah they are getting there. DH has a great sense of humour and LO in the beginning didnt get it. Now he says to me 'Daddy is joking Mummy??'


Our AO was granted in April and the local court is about to process our application. So we are on the last leg of the journey. We are told by SS this could take another few months depending on how busy the court is. Thus far it has been since Prep group 2 and a half years...so we will see when it is totally finalised......CAN'T WAIT!!!


This journey has taxed me in many different ways. Ive had huge highs and lows. Ive learned loads about myself. Some of it is good some it not so good. Ive learned I am relatively patient (!) , nuturing, very loving, fun, organised. On the down side a little selfish?(8 yrs as a couple so big shock), highly strung, changeable and a worrier. Hey ho I am willing to learn and I'm trying all the time. In many ways according to DH   


I now feel happier inside myself. I no longer have a deep sadness. This is wonderful. I am very grateful for our LO. He fills the house with chatter, laughter, life and much, much more!    Life is good if not somewhat anxious but I'm sure this will pass in time. 


My next big step is going back to work next month. How do I leave my LO?   ?? Life is a journey.


I will try to remember to update this (!!) when back at work/after Court.


 Noodles xxx


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## Sq9

Fab update noodles.  Hope you get your court date very soon


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## Mummy Noodles!

Oooops time flies by so quickly ... and so an update. We are nearly 2 years into placement now   

Court dates went through and I went back to work   Leaving LO was extremely difficult. All that time (14 months) of just me and him and now I was leaving... So off I goes back and literally had to throw myself into work to try to forget the sadness. The result being that after 2 months I was exhausted and decided to go part time to 4 days. This did help although still missed my boy. 

8 months into working life I have had to slow down at work and home as I was literally running myself into the ground!   I'm currently on the vitamin tablets and trying to take better care of myself. I've learned my happiness/health reflects on my parenting and thus happiness of my child. 


Recently been off work for 2 weeks for Easter and , to be honest, it has been Bliss really catching up with LO. He has just turned 4 and is an amazing little boy ... he gives me/us such happiness. I didn't know you could love a tiny person so much!!!!   My life is completely different and for the better. I feel very fortunate indeed. 

We have visited LO FC's recently and they and us were totally fine. Our LO calls them Aunt & Uncle and is fine with that. We have become firm friends. He knows they haven't disappeared - I think this is for the best.

My next challenge is to try to BALANCE work and home life.   


Life is good. Better than I thought it would ever be. This LO was worth the wait and the hard work. 'My son' (!! still love writing that)  tells me daily.... 'Mum I love you a trillion billion and one times' I say with a bursting heart  ....'I love you more Honey'. 


 Noodles


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## mandalay

I'm so happy for you.  Your thread made me cry.
Lovely people do deserve lovely things to happen - you just have to keep believing!
xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing up date. Sorry you're so busy with work and hope you find more time for yourself. Lovely to hear from you xx


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