# No one seems to understand :(



## Kayleighx (Nov 21, 2011)

This week i actually feel like i could have a mental breakdown! everyday it seems friends/family are annoucing that they are expecting! i feel like its forever untill i start my treatment and even then its not 100% to work.....I HATE that people don't understand how i feel!!! Am fed up hearing ur time will come bla bla bla! Well I want my time to come NOW! I hate that am not normal like everyone else seems to be! That's 8 people now that I know who are expecting (within the past 4 days)!! 5 out of them wasn't even trying!!!!! Sorry this is just a complete rant but i need to get this off my chest before i explode! my dp is very supportive but its not him who has the problem its me and i just feel awful xx


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

i know exactly how you feel, recently a girl i went to school with and my uncles partner both announced they were pregnant, the girl i went to school with has just posted her 1st scan piccy on ** and i could scream, as if that wasnt hard enough my new manager at work asked me if i was pregnant! i get so sick of going omg im so happy for you congrats blah blah! guess what .. im not,, it may make me sound horrible and spiteful but im so sick of hearing about other peoples babies. yes its a wonderful thing for them and ok so they dont know the struggle im having but it doesnt make it any easy, try reading the post why is everyone else pregnant? its on this board, and u might feel a little easier cos alot of the women on here feel the exact same way, keep strong hunny and one day it could be u telling everyone xxx


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## belle-bubble (Oct 7, 2010)

Hiya, 
We're all in the same boat here, I've been trying for years and in those have had to fake a ocsar award winning smile when I get a scan photo thrusted in my face- 
The best one is when I was recovering from a eptopic pregnancy, after surgery to have my tube removed on my third IVF and my cousin announced she was pregnant.. Yeah Cheers thanks for that.. wanna kick me again!!!! 

The truth is, having kids should be the most natural "thing" in the world, and it's a journey we're all on. 

Keep your chin up honey, and maybe put your feelings in a diary, Or ofcourse have a rant here. 

All the VERY best with your coming treatment x


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## Tilly4 (Jan 8, 2012)

Hiya Kayleigh, It feels better to have a rant and get it off your chest  Hope you are ok? good luck with your treatment!  
A lady at work just announced she is expecting.. Im so happy for her but it is so hard isnt it? I need to practice my ''award winning smile'' Belle- Bubble hehe

Take Care Belle-bubble, Temptress and Kayleigh!


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## Kayleighx (Nov 21, 2011)

thanks girls!!

it did make me feel better for having a rant but at the same time i feel guilty for not being overly happy for the people! we have been TTC for 2 years 1 1/2 naturally and we have had to wait 6 months for app at clinic, so ive known people that have fallen preg it did upset me but not as much as it has this week! it just seems to be like everyday i go on ** someone has annonced there preg or adding scan pictures or people texting me to break the news! i just feel total overwelmed this week as EVERYONE seems to be annoncing! i hate having to be like awww yaay congrats am so happy for you when really i want to scream why you? why not me!! i know i mean seem "young" as am only 22 but me and my dp have been together for 6 years, bought a house together and were 1000000000000000% ready! 

I just feel like am drowing......maybe the stress of it being so close to starting tx i dont want to be stressed but no one seems to be helping the situation either! 

xxx


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## poshandbecks (Jul 7, 2011)

Hi Kayleighx.  You don't need to justify your age on here, I understand that. I sometimes feel that when your young you got so much of "oh your still so young plenty of time for you yet". I was 21 when we referred for infertility test and wouldn't refer me to an actual fertility clinic until I was 23. I turned 24 in October and start IVF 18th Jan. 
I find you just have to concentrate on the pro's of all this. AT LEAST you are waiting to start something and nothing would be offered to you if there wasn't a chance, and think AT LEAST you are not at the end of the road like some people have to face. I can't even bear to look at the posts on 'end of the line?' don't want to think of it!! I never say your time will come as I don't beleive that I am destined for my 'certain time' I just take one appointment at a time and get over what ever hurdles I may come across and you will get there eventualy, time passes quicker than you will expect, don't look to far ahead or you will drive yourself crazy being impatiant. Enjoy the fact that you can get help and you have something to look forward to.

and as for the people you know who are announcing they're pregnant, slap that smile back on grit ya teeth and share with us on here! rant all you want.....


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## chuckv (Jan 13, 2012)

Know exactly what you mean. Been trying for ten years with no success, seems like everyone can have a kid but me. Even people who  don't want them end up pregnant. My wife has a son and says she understands but I don't think anyone can unless they are in this position. It seems like every week someone shows me a scan and I have smile and be nice. But I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I totally understand the why me, you do everything right and nature plays a big practical joke on you. Its like gods saying you know the one thing you want more than anything else in the whole world. Well you can't have it, but everyone else can. Im sorry if this post seems a bit black but that's how I feel right now.


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## Gabby Lamplugh (Jan 3, 2012)

Hi, I really feel for you. I've been in a similar position as I had three traumatic miscarriages before I managed to have my little boy. I don't think that anyone really understands what you are going through. Everybody has a different journey when they are trying for a baby and each person reacts in a different way. There's no point saying all the optimistic things to you, like "you are only young", "your time will come" etc as it doesnt seem to make much difference when you are having such a tough time. I remember coming out of hospital after my second miscarriage and seeing someone at work who was 6 months pregnant. It was like being kicked in the cuts, I had to go to the toilets and cry my eyes out. Life is just so cruel sometimes. I suppose that the only thing I used to find helped was finding out that so many people have difficulty conceiving. And, there are so many positive stories. you've just got to keep on going, accept that there are going to be good days and bad days. I went for reflexology to try and help me keep a baby to term, which worked for me. Since then I've retrained and work as a reflexologist specialising in fertility. So I do see a lot of couples every week who are trying for a baby, trust me...you are not on your own and many people can sympathise with you. I'm sending you a big cyber hug xxx


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## Minime77 (Jul 8, 2011)

Hi Kayleigh,

Like everyone else who has posted, I too have days like you have just had!! 

Me and DH live in Canada but are originally from Scotland so we went home to Scotland at xmas and surprised our family and friends. They were all over the moon, however, my best friend (already has a 3 year old son) was pregnant and her EDD was 3rd January and we were leaving Scotland to come back to Canada on 31st December, however, she ended up having to have a c-section and had a beautiful baby girl on the 28th Dec. Its sounds terrible but a big part of me didnt want her to have the baby until we had left to come back to Canada as then that way I would not have had to meet the baby!! Anyway, we went up to the hospital to see the baby and all we got from my friend and her DH's family was "when are you having one" & "you dont want to leave it too late" & your both getting old now"!!!!!! I so felt like turning round and saying "well actually for your bloody information we have been trying for over 3 years but nothing seems to be happening". I honestly could not get out of the hos quick enough but after i calmed down I did think to myself that its not other people fault, especially when they dont know your situation but at the time it doesnt make you feel any better.

Your not alone Kayleigh and I hope to read on here one day soon that you are letting people you know alll round about that you are expecting. Take care of yourself and if ever you want a rant you have come to the right place.

minimexx


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## Jen1883 (Jan 11, 2012)

Thank you ladies
You have all put my mind at ease.
I went through this feeling a couple of times recently when friends have announced that they are pregnant.
I only have 3 friends pregnant at the moment, so 8 much feel hurendous!
I have felt like such a cow for having those feelings and hating that they had no problems (1 wasn't even trying) 
And when people say, 'it'll happen for you soon' I just want to shout at them!
AND to top it all off, everything on the TV is all about pregnancy and babies (like the Mc Donalds advert)

It does make you feel better when you can have a rant to people who actually understand...thanks for the post  

Good luck to everyone

 jen x


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## kyliejade (Aug 23, 2011)

Us all on this site know exactly how you feel, it's frustrating and upsetting! Hang in there, your time will come. Xx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

My eldest sister had a baby girl last sat....i had my BFN wednesday. No one from my family have been to see me since, we share our friends, not one of them have been to see me also. everyone is busy visiting my sister with her bundle of joy......i feel so lonely and alone. Noone understands.......i may as well not exist.....


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## kyliejade (Aug 23, 2011)

Popsickles1 aww Hun so soz to hear your feeling that way, I'm here if u wanna chat pm me. It is tough but you have to keep your spirits up, try be positive! Shame to hear your friends haven't been more supportive.
Hugs x


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## wonka (Jul 27, 2009)

Hey Popsicles, 

I understand completely. My brother and my sister had their first babies nearly at the same time this week, only 2 months after my first m/c after trying for 7 years. The pain has been unimaginable, what we really need is for our family to remember us when we need it, not support and congratulate family members who are already very happy. 

Spread the love that's what I say!   

JUSTBEEXXXXX


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## Jen1883 (Jan 11, 2012)

Spreading the looove to you all. 

Hang in there xxxxxxxxxx      Jen xxxxxxxx


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## chucklebunnie (Feb 8, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same place - we have been trying for over a year and in that time it's got harder and harder to cope with, in the last 2 weeks i have also found out that 8 people i know are pregnant and i am happy for them i really am but i just wish it was me!! i have now left ******** because i can't cope with all the scan pictures, annoucements of pregnancies, baby photos, status updates of how wonderful their children and babies are. 

I came home last night and even my neighbour told me they were pg. i was like aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! my DH came home and i told him i was going to go into hiding!! 

chin up hunni, i hope things look up for you and you no you can always find support on here, so please i joined here yesterday, its amazing to be actually able to talk about how i really feel without feeling guilty for talking to a friend who is expecting or has just had a baby!!!


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## natsy (Feb 2, 2012)

We understand!

Sometimes it seems like everyone is getting pregnant. There was a time where so many ladies I knew were getting pregnant in the first weeks that they were off the pill. I used to think that I'd 'catch up' to these friends and family members and be pregnant at the same time as them. But they have the babies and I never get pregnant.

It is hard not to get jealous. At my worst I even tell myself that we would be better parents than some of these people. 

The thing I can't stand is, when youdo try to vent, people tell you to 'relax and it will happen'. I know they're trying to help but I hate it. How can I relax when I am in agony for 3 weeks of a cycle with endo? And isn't it so easy for people who have children to tell us to relax about it?

It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship already and I am sure that it will only strengthen as you guys get through this together. By the time baby comes you will be ready for anything!


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

Hi, I'm sorry that you are feeling down at the moment, I dont think it matters what age you are, when someone announces they are expecting it can hurt like hell for us that have IF problems. I'm pleased that your OH is giving you support, and rant away whenever you want/need to.

Tulip xx


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## keephopestrong (Feb 9, 2012)

For 19 years my husband and I have suffered.  A year into our marriage, when I was 22, I got suspicious as I knew I was fertile and we were not taking precautions, so I went to see my doctor (with hubby's approval) and I lied about how long we had been married.  They refused to look at couples who are less than 2 year's, so I just what he wanted to hear and he took my blood test and also Jem's.  Mine came back as fertile and Jem - Major problems!  Poor man had to have further tests done and they showed him to be sterile. He was around 30 then.

He wanted to commit suicide and even gave me permission to leave him and seek a divorce, as: he was not a man, but a useless machine (his words).

I wanted to cut off my breasts because I thought what was the point of having them when I was never going to suckle a child?!

I was born jealous and it reared its ugly head so many times.  I hated expectant mums!  When my sister seem to declare thousands of times that she was with child, I could have screamed!  The worst part, is her first child was taken from her because her home life was bad and she was given a choice: a flat and keep baby or go back to said environment and baby adopted:  She chose the later!  Since then, she went on to have 4 other children.  Her last child, she kept from me until she was giving birth and for that, it made the world of difference.  I was able to embrace her joy because she showed empathy.  However, not long after her phone call, my other sister phoned and callously said she was carrying and expected me to show joy - she knew our donor baby had died in my womb and had not shown a jot of love and now here she was  being a complete "b*t*h to me. Oh how I hated her for that!!

The worst thing is being a woman, one cannot get away from baby talk!  I worked as a professional ironer once and a young foreign girl married to an England chap used to say that she was unable to have children and then one day, said she was pregnant and all the women just flocked around her and I wanted to scream.  A baby book was purchased for her and then they said: when is it your turn Suzanne?  I just smiled and said: not sure.  In my treacherous head, I wanted her to fall and lose that baby   So because I felt so evil towards her, I showed the complete opposite and refused her to carry anything heavy - all to appease my mind.

Jem has for many years now, said: don't look, fat woman approaching.  But the horrible thing is, I have to look, sort of morbid curiosity I suppose.

I am a Christian as well and at our worship place, we have sisters getting constantly pregnant.  I would be able to ignore one or two, but when 10 were pregnant at the same time, that was treacherous.  I would often run out crying!

It is the natural thing to coo over a new born, but I just walk coldly away and once  I heard someone say: how cold is she!

I cannot go do the isle of baby things because it makes me sick to my heart.

When I amazingly got pregnant with our donor baby, I felt such freedom from my bonds of jealously!  But due to medical interference, I had a miss miscarriage and if I thought I was bad before, nothing prepared for me after this!!

I have shared that we are unable to have children with supposed "friends" and how upsetting it is for me to hear others are pregnant and all that is said in response is: oh such and such is pregnant. So never listened to me in the first place and now do not consider this woman my friend.

Another, after I said we can't have children, said: oh I fell pregnant very quickly.  How insensitive is that?

I am now 42 and Jem is 50 and we live in France and about to once again, try for a child.  He is getting another sperm test Monday and I receive my test results today, to find out if I am still fertile.  Since I have not seen a bleed since October last, I am thinking the worst!

We have tried to reconcile ourselves to not being parents, but can't!!

I am the worst because I can't feel happy for others; I want to but I just can't.  

Oh about a year ago, I actually was able to hold a baby and that was because we went to a wedding and moses type basket with a new born, was thrust in my hand and it was said: can you keep an eye on little one?  I could not very well say no, so just smiled and bared it.  I was petrified.  Baby's mum looked over at me and I felt so guilty as though I had no business with the baby.  Several women came up to me and smiled and I had to say: I am not the mother.  Eventually, baby woke and I had no choice but to pick her up, so I did with such fear. Her mum looked over and smiled at me.  Then an old woman came up and started to say I was not holding the baby properly.  What did give me joy - and wicked sense of satisfaction was the baby was smiling at me and calm in my arms, but as soon as the grandmother took her, she started to yell! I had to get out fast, because I could not contain my mirth!!

That sort of opened the way for the next time.  I actually felt rather proud of myself. The next time, was again with same baby and mum just plonked her on my lap and then stupidly got her camera out to take our photo.  I wanted to scream: am I such a novelty?  Every time I tried to give her child back, so said: no, you look after her for a while, but I could not keep it up and so smiled and said, it is best she take her child, so she did.

When another spiritual sister came up to me and found out I had held this baby, she asked how I felt, and I said, I think a bit better so said: oh that is a relief, now I can talk about my baby to you.  In all honesty, I wanted to slap her!!  She has family and friends around her, so this one sacrifice and she found it hard!!

I am coming to the realisation that it is not us who are selfish and unfair, it is those who have no problem getting pregnant who are the selfish ones.

I remember once, a young girl who was only 15, showing off her baby to me.  I found that so unfair that it was her and not me.  She then said the reason why they had a child and going to try for another one, is to get a flat!!

The sheer insensitivity is what makes it hard for us.

So I know your pain.

Suzanne


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