# Anybody co-parenting?



## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

Just discussing this with a good friend of mine, P, and would love to hear from others who are already co-parenting, or who have considered it...wondering how the ins and out of the practicalities work...


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I have a friend (male) who co-parents with a lesbian couple and it seems to work out well, the child is just over a year. He was disappointed as it was agreed that he would go on the birth cert as well but as the couple were civil partnered he can't and this means his parental responsibility is not clear.
There have been various discussions on here and also on the single girls thread about co-parenting and agreements, and questions to ask each other.
I have a known donor and we have been TTC for over 6 years, we aren't going co-parent per say but we already have a close relationship and his partner lives with me half the week etc.
Good Luck 
Lx


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## Glitterintheair (Jun 8, 2010)

Hello

I am going to co-parent with my amazing donor Ben. We have discussed absolutely everything and laid all our cards on the table. It will be hard I'm sure but I am all for it. Any questions please ask  love Glitter xxx


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## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

I was originally planning on doing this with my girlfriend, and a known donor who would play an uncle type role. Since she has now decided she doesn't want children, I am now going alone and would like (i think) to co-parent. The known donor/coparent is my friend of 3 years.

The problem is, or might be, that I believe very strongly in attachment parenting...so extended breastfeeding until the child weans themselves, co-sleeping, baby-wearing and so on...and I feel it would be quite damaging for a baby/young child to be away from their mum for a significant length of time, and not overnight until perhaps school age. There would be no limit on how often he could come round and parent with me, sharing bath and bedtime, reading stories etc...

Originally we talked about me moving in to his spare room and living as a family, but since then he has got a Jew girlfriend and now feels It would be inappropriate for me to live there with her staying over. Hmm tricky.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I suppose the difference between co parenting and a known donor with an ongoing relationship as a father (I think what I hope to have) etc is the differences that need discussing in details. 
My friend, who offered sperm to me but as he v much wanted to be a co-parent and also was from Aus so I worried about the distance in the future should he wish to return etc. he has his DD stay overnight during the week, (she is just over 1) and at some weekends, he shares in the childcare having the child one day during the week off work for this, I would hope and have discussed how my donor and his partner will share this responsibility etc.

Partners - yours and his are another considerations.

I think that is slightly different when you are friends and know the person beforehand than meeting specifically for this purpose.

there was a thread ages ago about questions and contracts to work through so that you both if I can find it I'll add here it is 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=123942.0

Good Luck


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## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

just noticed my phone auto-corrected new girlfriend, to Jew girlfriend. Haha, oops, accident!

I think I'm leaning more towards an involved uncle type role, as oppose to actual hands on Dad...mainly because I feel future girlfriends may complicate matters and he may have less time for this child/ren if his relationship is serious...and that wouldbe easier for everyone to cope with if he were an uncle, rather than a dad...I can see myself feeling frustrated if his new life got In the way of his existing parenting responsibilities and Id rather minimise potential sticky issues.

It's a bit frustrating already because our original discussion was involving me living with him...and for me that would be perfect...but I really can't ask him to sacrifice his relationship, or chance of one, for me and our desire for children. I do want my children to live with both parents in a family home, but he doesn't think that's practical now so we have to find a new way to make this work.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

my friend was planning to co parent with her flatmate at the time, but turned to LWC when his new girlfriend (an older lady in her late 40's with no children) said 'won't it be wonderful when his baby is here' and started to talk about 'their family' as if it was her to be her child. My friend realised then that his and her understanding might be effected by their partners.  She spilt up with her then girlfriend over her not wanting a child. All worked out well in the end as now her and her partner both have a child from the same donor.

Mt friend (dad) who co-parents is also thinking of adopting so that he and his present partner have a child together so that they are both equal aprents , as well as having a sibling with the women so that his DD has a sibling.

I also thought that I would feel slightly awkward if my donor had a child with someone else- I don't think that i have any fears to be realised.

Wishing you loads of luck XX
L x
L


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## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

Yeah, there are so many things to discuss and issues / potential issues to consider  

I am surprised at how few people I've been able to find who co-parent (literally none) as I was under the impression it was slightly more popular than that. I guess many people change their minds when they get in to it ajd realise the many pitfalls and complications...


I feel a little as though I am wanting my cake and to eat It...I want the stability of a present father for my child, without compromising my strong opinions on parenting methods...a family situation for a child to grow up in, without the relationship complications for me.


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## deemo (Oct 13, 2009)

If you have a look on the Gingerbeer Rainbow families forum you'll find people there who co-parent. Good luck!


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## simplelife (Dec 2, 2011)

♥JJ1♥ said:


> I have a friend (male) who co-parents with a lesbian couple and it seems to work out well, the child is just over a year. He was disappointed as it was agreed that he would go on the birth cert as well but as the couple were civil partnered he can't and this means his parental responsibility is not clear.
> There have been various discussions on here and also on the single girls thread about co-parenting and agreements, and questions to ask each other.
> I have a known donor and we have been TTC for over 6 years, we aren't going co-parent per say but we already have a close relationship and his partner lives with me half the week etc.
> Good Luck
> Lx


There is no reason he can't go on the birth certificate just because the Mother is in a civil partnership and even if he does not, they can enter into a parental responsibility agreement with him. Does he have the agreement in writing? Sounds a bit like they may be going back on what they agreed


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