# A request from Emma



## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Hello all and especially our lovely mod Aweeze

I have thought of making this request a few times but have always just logged off and not done so. However, having just had to confront this again I'd like to make a request and see what you all think.

As you all know (well, I'm assuming really because of my signature  ) I sufferred a huge huge loss in 2005 with an adoption breakdown. I still find myself going through the ongoing 'bereavement' and trauma from that. I rarely go into detailas as its too traumatic but I was extremely ill afterwards - as you can expect following a child loss.

It is nobodies fault AT ALL that this is an unusual situation and throughout this site and many others, adoption is often talked about as if its the 2nd and easier option. That is in no way a criticism AT ALL - its just a fact. Clearly I find that as difficult as anybody does if they're going through IF and others have no real understanding of it. 

One of the reasons I love FF is that the site is split into great sections which gives her the opportunity to 'avoid' certain sections of they are painful. I find this with the adoption pages. If I have friends on here going through the process I can bee 100% happy and supportive of them - whilst also not having to read the threads on days when I'm in pain from the experince.

So, and I'm sorry its take so long to to get to this bit, could we please consider having a post for those going through the adoption process. In just the same was we do for IVF, or IUI etc? I wonder what you all think? It would help me hugely so I can avoid, if possible, reading threads where a flippant comment is suddenly thrown in  . 

If you don't think its doable thats fine but I thought that if I didn't explain then you'd never know  

  

Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Emma

I think that is a great idea!  Why don't you just go ahead and start a thread.  

I know I am not in a position to be considering adoption/fostering at the moment but it is definitely something that I have thought about before and may come back to in the future - it would definitely be useful to have a resource on here specifically for single women and I know that you and Lulumead probably have a lot of knowledge/support to share, not to mention others who may be reading the threads and just waiting for a thread like the one you suggest where they can feel comfortable to post.

Some1

xx


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Sounds a brilliant idea to me Emma.  Go for it.  I've seen a few people mentioning they're going through or thinking of adoption and it would be great to have somewhere for singles to share ideas and experience.

Love and hugs, Felix xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Emma I also think it is a good idea to have a special place for adoption as a single woman.
L x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Em -   

Completely understand where you are coming from and thanks for bringing this up (only sorry that you didn't feel you could do it sooner....we should all feel comfortable being completely open with eachother on here - it's one of the few places we can be after all   )

A thread for those going through/considering adoption sounds like a wonderful idea...go for it

Laura
x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi Emma

Great idea. I haven't really used the adoption message board, I only really log on here as I find everyone so supportive, even though people are having tough times they always have time for everyone else.  I'm sure this thread will give support and space to share.

I'm in the process of an adoption...but China is on slowdown and my predicted referral is 2013! thought it would have happened by now!  I'm really struggling with my options...if I try to get pregnant I possibly lose the chance to adopt (and even though no child is yet referred, I feel like I would have to grieve my chinese daughter - maybe that sounds weird), and if i go ahead and wait for the adoption I possibly risk losing the opportunity of having a birth child as I might be too old and not be able to afford fertility treatment. If I tell my social worker that I'm doing insemination they might stop my process and then I might not even be able to conceive and I could have lost out on both - so I'm forced to with hold information which i don't like doing.

I'm so sorry to hear that your adoption broke down, you must be heartbroken.  I feel very strongly too that adoption is just a different choice, not a second option even though at the moment I feel like my social services view it like that.  They are currently suggesting going back to panel about my situation because they say they have never had someone proactively choose adoption before trying to give birth and if I get pregnant - they don't know what to do!  I think the adoption process is extremely tough and actually something that all prospective parents should go through!!! I found it really prepared me and made me ask lots and lots of questions which I know my friends who just got pregnant never considered, I also feel that there is some common ground with using donor sperm, especially around identity issues.

Sorry to go on...sometimes I get very fed up being positive about waiting for China and defending the Chinese Authorities to my friends who get angry on my behalf because of the wait.


XX
PS Emma - if you want to talk separately feel free to contact me.
PPS thanks for suggesting this. x


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## dottiep (Nov 20, 2007)

Emma - like the others have said, I think you should just do it.

I went down the adoption route before ttc myself...lulu, like you, I looked at the chinese route as I was (and still am) horrified by what is happening there.  I also spend quite a bit of time there with work.  Unfortunately (as you know) china have practically stopped single women adopting - but there are other countries who are more open to it now. 
i don't think either option is 'easier'- they are both very different.

Lulu - if I was you, I wouldn't tell your social worker as they made it clear to me that you couldn;t be considered if you were ttc..

Dx


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Ahh - thank you so much for your lovely messages and understanding


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