# Baby shower invitation - what to do?



## Dancing duck (Sep 12, 2014)

Hi ladies,
Need some advice please - I've been invited to a baby shower for my cousin due in March and don't know what to do.
I don't feel like I can cope with going - they don't know my situation - but will feel like a truly horrible person if I dont.
My mum - who does know our situation - is pressuring me to go because she doesn't want to go on her own and thinks I'm being horrible.
Should I grit my teeth and go and make an excuse to leave as soon as is reasonably polite or just decline somehow?
I am not partcularly close to my cousin anyway - she looks down her nose at us as we are not part of the 'posh' crowd and she only ever gets in touch when she wants something for free like decorating or garden work doing (my husband is a decorator and landscaper).
What would you do ? Has anyone been to a baby shower and managed to get through it without falling apart in tears?


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## LuluLimon (Jan 17, 2014)

Dont go if it will make you upset and you arent particularly close anyway. Just say you're away. I always declined any such invites to look after my emotional health. If it was a close friend maybe for a little bit..but your mum should know better than to pressure you into going.


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Dancing duck said:


> I don't feel like I can cope with going


Don't go! Relax with a glass of wine and a good book, instead 

X


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Don't make any definite decisions yet, see how you feel nearer the time but don't feel guilty if you don't feel like going then or even only pop by for a short time.  To be honest it sounds like your mum isn't that bothered about going either if she only wants to go if you do so try not to worry about that either, put yourself first as noone else will xxxx


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## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

This is a look after number one situation.  Your mum should know better and can cope with going on her own.  Make your excuses and if you're the sort to feel guilty, send a token gift along


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## muddy paws (Apr 7, 2014)

Make your excuses and don't go. If your mum doesn't want to go herself then she can opt out too! She shouldn't make you feel bad about it. If it were a close friend then that'd be different but if you aren't close then I don't see the point in upsetting yourself xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

Things like this never bothered me, I just don't really like or agree with them.  If you are not close to her, then don't go.  I can't see why your Mum can't go on her own?  Surely there will be other family members there who your mum can talk to?

X


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## Josie1 (Sep 30, 2013)

Don't go if you don't want to go, no point in making yourself upset for someone that you're not close 2. If it was a really close friend or close family member I'd say to go even for an hour x


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## HopingAndPraying (Mar 28, 2013)

Hi

I would say don't go as if there's a chance it will upset you then it's definately not worth the tears! I went to my sisters when going through Ivf and it was torture! My poor sister was not the issue it was all my aunts who didn't know my situation that kept going on about when was it going to be my turn and to get my skates on etc! 

Needless to say I balled my eyes out after it! I held it together at the actual shower! 

This journey is hard enough without things like that adding to it! 

Good luck xxx


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

right ive been to quite a few baby showers over the last few years due to all my friends getting preggers (theyre all too damn horny for my liking  ) 

anyhoo - so 7 babyshowers later and i have figured out what i can and cant cope with - and if i know its a situation i cant cope with - i dont go its a simple as that.

3 of my mommy friends i am very close with; and i get alot of support from them - they know my situation very well. these baby showers i know i can cope with as i feel their support during the whole evening.

however i have found that going to showers without these 3 friends is extremely hard - these are usually the showers where i only really know the mother and maybe 1 or 2 others. but i just never feel emotionally safe in these situations so i have decided to stop going.
i still send along a card and small present to show i am thinking of them and that i am very happy for them but i just cant keep putting myself through this constant 'i have to be strong for others and get on with things' because no matter how much you try to do that it doesnt help - it drains your emotional strength and then when you really need to be strong for yourself theres nothing left and thats when you crash, fall into despair and run the risk of sufferring with real depression.

it may sound selfish but you really do need to look after your own wellbeing so much during IF. no one else can because no one else knows what your going through, no one else can carry your burden or your heartache.

so in summary - ignore your mother and do whats right for you; if you feel you can go and can enjoy it - great... if you feel you cant then dont - dont even waste time worrying about it. 

love'n'hugs


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hi,

I was in the same situation and I pretended to be ill so I didn't have to go. I know that you shouldn't have to do that but no one questioned me over it whereas if I'd of said I didn't want to go I would of got a lot of stick for it
I'm soo glad I didn't go because even the photos of the day on ******** made me cry. X


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## smallbutmighty (Aug 5, 2013)

I'm with everyone else.  Don't go.

a) Because baby showers are BORING. You don't have kids (obvs), ergo you can go to the pub. Or a rock concert. Or heliskiing. Or for a facial. Or shopping. Etc. Anything other than sitting round doing nothing for a couple of hours except talk crap whilst ooooing. I only ever went to one before we even started trying and we had to do a babyfood tasting. Was never gonna happen twice. Why would you ever sign up to do that when there is good wine in the world to be tasted? Honestly, showers are like really, really rubbish hen dos. 

b) (going to make myself controversial here) They're also self-indulgent cynical, commercial affairs designed to extract gifts from people in my honest opinion. Celebrating the birth of a child, sure, that's an amazing thing (don't we all know), that should be celebrated with a christening or whatever. It is a real rite of passage. But celebrating having got laid 8 months earlier? I mean, seriously? "Hi ladies, 8 months ago I laid on my back and let someone hump me and now I'm pregnant and I wondered if you all wanted to bring me presents to celebrate my achievement. Thanks xxxxxx". Errr, no.

Oh yes, and c) because you're in the middle of a load of stuff of your own and need this like a hole in the head. Your mum can man up and go on her own.


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## Ames xxx (Nov 24, 2014)

love that last post smallbutmighty. You are my type of lady ( thought wise lol) xxx


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

LOL @ smallandmighty!!!


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