# Trying to conceive with HIV



## chloe.v (Oct 19, 2016)

Greetings you all.
I hope I'm writing in the right place.
A while back, I guess three years or smth, I found out that I'm HIV positive. It was a real trial for me to accept it. When the doctor came in with that pity face, I knew what I was going to hear. I thought I was ready. Bull****. When you are getting HIV test, you never willing to hear the only word. Positive. I instantly ran out of the room all in tears, got home and almost for five hours was crying out all the anger, the pettiness, I don't know, the cruelty of this world. 
On the next day, I received a call from the clinic. It was a receptionist. He told me that he is a social worker that helps people like myself and offered me a hand with getting on. Almost for a year, he was helping me to get used to it and somehow we started seeing each other. You know, when you got HIV you never know for sure how much time it is left for you. So after almost a year we decided to have a baby. We knew about the possibility for HIV to pass to the child.  To avoid it I was taking the ART during the whole pregnancy period. So the chance was unbelievably small. 
Our baby died suffering from simple cold boosted by HIV in the age less than one year. There are no words to describe how we felt that day and all the months after. It was our decision and our responsibility. We are the ones to blame! I don't know how, but we managed to left it all behind. But not the desire to have a baby. 
I'm here for some advice. There ought to be the way to avoid the virus passing to the child.


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## Pinkchick (Apr 2, 2015)

Hi there, I didn't want to read and run! I don't know very much about HIV and fertility etc but wanted to say im so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what that must have been like. 
Have your specialists been able to speak to you about ways you can move forward with having another baby if this is what you want? Is there anything they can prescribe to reduce the chances of passing it on to your unborn baby? 
Wishing you well x


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## kklee (Oct 24, 2016)

Hi chloe. First of all, I want to say, that I'm sorry for your loss. I almost lost my children once, so at least I could imagine these fear and terror you've been gone through. 
And yes, there are other options. I dont know much about HIV and how it is passing to the baby, but if it passes through blood or delivery waters, you cant carry a child. In this case the only option for you will be surrogacy. Probably you should consult with your doctor on this matter. Anyway wish you good luck. Write here as soon as you visit your doctor


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## chloe.v (Oct 19, 2016)

Hey,  pinkchick. Thank you for your kind words!
My doctor says that HIV can pass to fetus through placenta. So to avoid the virus passing to a child, I cant carry it. Of course, there is special treatment to reduce the chances of virus passing. But I did it once and it didn't work. And I'm not ready to lose my child again. I don't know what to do.. I heard something about surrogacy, that another woman will carry the child for you. But won't it be her child if she brings it to life? At one point it is her child and after delivery she can take it away from me!


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## chloe.v (Oct 19, 2016)

Martha, thank you for your support! 
Yeah, I heard about surrogacy. It is something, when a certain woman carries the child for you. You seem to be acquainted with it, can I ask you some questions. Like if she carries my child, won't it be hers on some point? And there is a possibility that she could steal my child, isn't it?


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## Pinkchick (Apr 2, 2015)

Hi Chloe, 
With surrogacy what they usually do is fertilise your eggs and implant them into the surrogate so that the baby is genetically yours. The surrogate would have no genetic link to the baby. I don't know the legal side of it if they refused once the baby is born but it would genetically be your baby. A colleagues sister struggled with infertility and their other sister acted as a surrogate for her and I know that worked out well for them. It might be worth finding out a bit more about it x


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## chloe.v (Oct 19, 2016)

Pinkchick, your words are just encouraging. I was assured that HIV won't pass to my child while the surrogate mother carries it, but I have no people around that will do that to me. I heard that fertility clinics could find a surrogate mom, as it is included with operation of IVF. But how do I find the clinic I need? There are just so many of them


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi Chloe

Here's a link to the surrogacy section http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=57.0. You will find more info there

Dory 
Xx


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

I didn't want to read and run,I have no real experience of surrogacy but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and how brave and strong you are to pick yourself up and try again.

There are some surrogacy websites for uk surrogates but I also know ladies who are looking into going to clinics in Georgia and Ukraine such as New Life and Biotex,have a look on the threads on here and you will find ladies who are currently going through it and can help you out with info. I think in Ukraine they find surrogate for you. Things like using a surrogate who is single or divorced helps as then your partner can go on birth cert whereas if surrogate is married it is more complicated 

Lots of luck with it all.


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi Chloe

I've moved your last post over to the surrogacy section as it seemed best suited to there, here's a link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=346612.msg6389583#new

Dory
Xx


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