# Would you hire a Fertility Buddy?



## moomoobaba (Oct 17, 2010)

Hello Ladies,

i have been through fertility treatments and IVF  to get our 2nd baby so I know the hardship and heartache that is involved with this journey.

I am thinking of starting a business to offer my services to families who are going through all of this. 

My question to you all is would you hire me to go with you to your Dr appointments, scan etc as a friend, a helper, supporter, another ear to listen to your next set of instructions, a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on.
I would offer moral support, practical support, assist in finding your closest acupuncturist etc.
Pretty much anything that would make the journey more manageable and less stressful.

There were times my husband couldn't come with me to my appointments and at the time my mother did not live in England so I usually went alone and at times this was very overwhelming.
I couldn't always remember what was said to me and think I would have found it very helpful to have had someone who was not all emotional to listen for me to help me understand what was happening.

Especially in the beginning it can all be a very scary process and I am wondering how many people would use a service like this.


I am thinking of also training as a Doula so I could then continue to be involved in your happy outcome this way.


Please give your honest thoughts and opinions of this idea.

Good luck to you all in your journey
Rebecca


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

No I wouldn't hire a person, as there is free support as knowledge around, and I always had a friend to accompany me, give all my injections etc - I think if I was hiring someone (I'm a nurse) I would want a professional fertility nurse if I was paying with knowledge/skills and evidence based practice. Many of the clinics I have been to also have counsellor/acupuncturists/mind and body programmes etc.
Some of the clinics also have their own treatment protocols e.g. immune therapies that other clinics don't. You'd also have to be careful not to have bias and also know about the merits of it all. Having been to 9 clinics they are all different, and you would also need insurance etc in case you advised or passed on the wrong instructions and messed up a treatment protocol- most clinics would probably only deal directly with a patient.

I personally wouldn't endorse it, and would see it a bit like making money out of a situation- why not volunteer to be a buddy for women?


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## Kazzz (Feb 20, 2008)

You've experienced the hardship and heartache, and you still want to charge for a service!!


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## Daisy-Chain (Aug 12, 2012)

I have been to appointments on my own before, I would never even have considered looking for a stranger to hire to come with me.  So my honest thought is pretty much the same as JJ1, no I would not hire you.


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

No


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

I wouldn't personally, I think Tx costs enough. I have been to appointments on my own which were fine. And I would also (like JJ pointed out) worry for you if the tx didn't work or things weren't right, etc if some of the blame was put on your shoulders. 

Although there could be a small % of ladies who would find your services helpful, I'd just be careful. If a lady doesn't understand/forgets something they can always call the clinic to confirm.

Xx


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

I'm with everyone else - not a chance.  I'd rather go on my own than pay a stranger to come with me.

Also, if I was going to pay someone to be an ear, etc., it would be a qualified counsellor and for anything I might miss at the doctor's appointment, I always prepare a list of questions in advance and take them with me, together with a pen and paper.  If I don't understand anything or forget it, I e-mail or phone the clinic afterwards to check.


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## foxyroxie36 (Jul 2, 2012)

Nope.
The only thing that would get me to part with extra cash (on top of the IVF costs themselves) would be something else that is proven to increase success rates, and backed up by good evidence to that effect.


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## Jules18080 (Oct 25, 2010)

No sorry!!!!


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## Twinkerbell x (Aug 27, 2009)

Nope, and I think to charge for something like this when someone is going through the stress and difficulties of treatment is appalling. I'd rather go by myself - any decent clinic wouldnt mind an email or phone call if you needed clarification or forgot something from an appointment. 


Sorry, but I think the idea is a non starter...


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## Dixie chick (Sep 6, 2010)

I'm afraid JJ1 has said what I was thinking about the fertility buddy idea. However, you would have something extra to offer as a doula, and given the choice I would pick a doula who had first hand experience of struggling to conceive and who would be better able to empathise more with the anxieties particular to those who have had assisted conception.


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

No Def not. I echo what everyone else had said. And I think your trying to make money out of  someone who can just come on here it call there clinic. Yes you have been there so you should no. good luck


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## Suke M (Jun 29, 2012)

Personally, I think you should just consider the Doula side of it.  There are not many out there so you could be offering a unique experience having had fertility treatments yourself.

As for the Fertility buddy thing, I have found this website to be all the support I needed when hubby was busy or being a jerk.  I think you need support from women who are going through it at the same time as science changes so quickly and the advice, procedures and meds vary greatly from one clinic to another as well as the NHS having different criteria for each PCT.  Also, private treatment is very expensive with many people having to sell vehicles, go without holidays, work overtime, etc just to have the chance of a precious baby and to have another service to pay for would be too much for many.

Good luck with the Doula idea x


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## moo84 (Oct 14, 2011)

I would echo what the other ladies have said. I just don't understand why you would want to exploit women at their most vulnerable by charging for a service which is frankly unnecessary- support can be found in many cost free ways. I also wonder how you think it would work feasibly? As a health professional I know that no clinic/ consultant/ nurse would speak to you as an alternative to their patient. I think it would be foolhardy to believe that you can advise someone on their treatment without knowing their (and their partners) full medical history- which frankly unless you have a medical degree you are unlikely to understand, and anyway would not have access to. and if you envisage the role being non-advisory I'm not sure what you ethically feel you can charge for? 
Sorry if that comes across as a bit harsh, I'm sure you have skills and experience which would be beneficial to a role as a doula.


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## galprincess (Nov 12, 2007)

Ive been through 2 ivfs with ICSI and wouldnt say im well equipped enough to mentor another lady through the journey i only attended 1 clinic i had straight forward procedure i wouldnt know about immunes and those sort of things and at a time that is already stressful and expensive the worst thing would be another stranger giving their point of view and more expense. why not offer to volunteer a a clinic or something
Making money out of infertility is what alot of companies and clinics do i actually think if clinics thought a fertility buddy would be of any help theyd offer a similar service.
I dont think you meant it in a way it sounds but you have to be so careful and i dont think youd be able to start this type of business because of legal implications.Why not skill up and train to become a fertility counsellor or advisor the money isnt great but if your desire to help women going through fertility is the mst important part of your idea then this would make a great career.
Id never use a fertility buddy because you dont know me, my body, how i may or may not respond, if i got a BFN how would you make that better? im not being cruel but it has so many floors i wish you the best of luck in future and Doulas do amazing jobs


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## sazzasarah (Jun 29, 2010)

when I read the first post I thought there might be something in this idea!  I was quite surprised that so many people have said no, they definitely don't want someone to do this, and it also seems people are upset with the idea of paying for it.

i completely see where all the other posters are coming from and I think you all express yourselves well ladies and I probably feel the same at the end of the day.  And for myself, I wouldn't have paid for this service.

I just wanted to send some positive vibes to the original poster Moomoobaba - I don't think she's trying to make money off, or scam everyone, I think she's genuinely thinking whether this could be helpful.

When I was doing IVF I would have liked someone to help sort out lots of life stuff, help to organise things for me and be interested in the scans etc.  The trouble is, I think, that we all feel we have to be on top of it ourselves, and someone else might not be able to actually be on top of it to the same degree as I could.  It's only now I understand what is involved, I could imagine letting someone else organise some aspects of it - and now, of course, I don't need that any more.

If it was a really luxury service you might get a market for it among pretty well-off IVF ladies.  If I had loads of extra cash, using my imagination, what would I have wanted during IVF?  

Well for instance if you did a month's supply of really amazing, protein-rich food delivered to the house for a lovely evening meal I didn't have to cook, plus snacks and healthy things like fresh juices for during the stimulation.  Someone to cook me barley soup for quick recovery from anaesthetic, and look after me after egg collection. I would have liked someone to collect all the medication throughout, (so that me, the posh IVF lady could go to her high powered job and not have to sit waiting at the hospital!) I'd have liked it if someone else ordered all the Zita West vitamins, booked acupuncture, and managed my diary so that I didn't have to juggle things; for instance when all my friends wanted to meet up during IVF, booking them in for the month after instead, like an efficient PA.  Maybe even handling work calls, if they came while I was at the hospital or at another appointment so I didn't get stressed.

Personally I probably wouldn't have been able to afford such a service - but there are plenty of well off ladies doing IVF who could, I expect!  Also ladies who have done a lot of cycles (probably well off enough to do a lot, too) might like this. I am just reflecting on what happens if you are a high powered business woman, and you have to do several years of IVF.  After a while, you can't keep taking time off work over 5 or 6 years - IVF becomes a way of life rather than a one off crisis.  If you're both trying to maintain a good job as well, you can't and you can't just get DH to take the day off the whole time to look after stuff for you.  

Of course, I know that sometimes people prioritise the IVF against the job, but there must be some who don't, because if 60% of us end up WITHOUT a baby, there are plenty of us who need to keep something for themselves so they are not left with nothing in their lives 10 years later... So if you are that sort of high powered business person trying to juggle IVF with your working life, then help might be welcome.

Even so, there are snags. You might run into problems with not being the patient yourself so might not practically be able to do all these things. Also, the type of people who want this level of "PA-style" help might already have PAs or housekeepers or staff of some kind!  They say if you are a "private concierge", the success factor is your relationships with restaurants, taxis, shops, hotels etc, not with your client.  In this case, the success factor would be whether the clinics trusted you to help their patients as you would have to work with them over and over again .  And they may feel it is not suitable or maybe not allowed under HFEA rules or whatever.

hope this helps!  and even if this isn't the business for you I applaud your wish to make the lives of people doing IVF easier.


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