# Please help, I've done something really stupid! *UPDATE!*



## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Hi ladies, wondering if someone can help put my mind at ease as I've been so stupid  
I won't go into my full history as it's too long and complicated but I have a 5 month old ds with ovulation induction after many failed cycles.
I'm 38 and didn't want to wait too long to try for just one more as my age isn't exactly on my side.
Anyway, with previous cycles before conceiving ds I was on 50mg clomid and 75iu gonal f and always had 1 leading follicle and 1 or 2 teeny ones. I was on higher doses for my failed ivf cycles where I had 19 follicles and only 1 egg retrieved. So this time I was on the same dose except I was on puregon and pregnyl trigger as ovitrelle doesn't work on me.
To cut a long story short, because I never had more than 1 follicle except with ds where I had 2 follicles my dh and I had unprotected intercourse a day before our scan only to find out we have 7 mature follicles!
Obviously the cycle has been abandoned but because with my ivf cycle only 1 egg out of 19 follicles and being told my ovarion reserve is really low I in the heat of the moment thought there is no way I have 7 eggs in those follicles and they are probably all empty which wouldn't surprise me.
I took the trigger shot! I know it was the most stupidest thing to do and please I don't want any bashing as I feel stupid and beating myself up about this and I'm feeling really down and all I'm looking for is support/advise.
No one can make me feel worse than I already feel  
I'm unexplained so they don't know what's wrong with me but I do have a ds who is 16 who I conceived naturally.
I haven't told my clinic who are abroad and I'm now feeling petrified and alone.
What are the chances all follicles will have eggs or that they'll stick?
I haven't had sex after the trigger because as soon as I took the trigger I realised my mistake and started panicking. 

Please, please don't be negative towards me as I'm feeling very vulnerable at the moment and I really need support.
Thanks in advance xx


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Hi Lambie,

Why don't you call the clinic to ask for advice? Otherwise you'll be driving yourself crazy for the next couple of weeks! From your history, it sounds super unlikely that you have 7 eggs waiting to go, but you really won't know how many and I think the collection is the only way the clinics even know. They would be the best people to advise you I think.

I hope you work it all out. We all do crazy things at times, so don't beat yourself up. Just stay focussed on talking it through with the clinic and getting their input and hopefully they will be able to reassure you.

All the very best!


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks VicksterM, thanks for the reply and for understanding   I'm too embarrassed and scared to 
call the clinic, I told them I had done the deed without protection but they don't know anout me stupidly triggering. I'm still waiting to hear from them as they only respond to emergencies on weekends. I'm stressing thinking I'm going to be the next octomum because I don't want to, u know how things happen if u don't want them to happen but when u do it  never happens, hope u understood that lol as i think I'm talking gobbledygook!


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## stelmat (Feb 1, 2014)

To be honest I would probably have done the same!  I'm at the stage where I will take any chance at all.  I think your chance of multiples could be good, but I would suspect that you would most likely get 2 rather than 6-7 as you say several most likely don't contain mature eggs.  Stay calm and see what happens, there is no point in stressing about 'what ifs'.  Good luck


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks stelmat, I was feeling like the worlds stupidest person!
It's amazing how desperation influences us.
My follicles were all very mature, their sizes were- 28mm,24,24,22,19,18,16.
Just hoping with my age they won't all contain eggs!
Now for the horrid 2ww, wish me luck.


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

I would have kept on having sex.  If you have multiples or even just one it is a blessing and no guarantees as the next 2ww is even harder.  

Don't worry about it - you may get lucky with a baby


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks teeinparis, can't believe how lovely and supportive everyone is being  
If I'm honest I secretly would love twins but the thought of being the next octomum or being on the news for having 6 or 7 babies is mortifying, im only 5"2 so I don't think my body could handle more than 2 babies lol.
I will let you all know how I get on so that if anyone else finds themselves in the same situation then perhaps they can find this helpful


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

You will be fine I am sure.  A woman on here a while back had something like 20 follicles and her IUI was cancelled.  She still went ahead and DTD and she got a BFP and like you she was terrified.  A scan showed one baby.

X


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

Sometimes these types of risks are worth taking 😉 if the worse did happen then there is reduction so please don't panic until you have to or not. I had years of infertility. I had an IVF baby and now seem to be able to get pregnant easily (I've had 3 natural bfps in 3 years) so I know how it feels to want something and think about the risks later xx


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thank you ladies, I feel much calmer now  
The 2ww is maddening as it is and now I'm getting even loopier  
One minute I'm convinced I'm going to get pregnant with 6-7 babies and the next I feel disheartened that it won't work as we only dtd once, the day before the scan  
Time will tell i suppose.
20 follicles and only 1 baby! Wow, who would have believed such a thing eh


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

An update ladies, I got a bfp yesterday at 9dpo!  I did the the test in the evening as I had been feeling quite nauseous but I didn't think I'd get a line never mind an obvious one at only 9dpo  
The trigger is definitely out of my system as I tested it out.

I'm now panicking like mad, my dh is scared out of his wits and we both feel so stupid.
Never did I think it would work because of my history.

What am I going to do?  What if there's 7 babies in there? How the hell am I going to explain that one?

Really need some reassurance as I'm ready to have a heart attack!


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

Breathe!!  

Firstly congratulations-I got a BFP at 9dpo this time and the lines were strong. I got 2-3 on the digital 2 days before I was due AF. I was panicking about multiples but a scan has shown one baby. I've never had a BFP before 12 dpo before. Even when I was pregnant with twins. So please don't panic yet.

What are your next steps? X


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks Faithope, gosh, I don't know what the next step is as I'm still in panick mode and dh is in denial mode lol!
I had a bfp at 9dpo with ds but that was a fmu not a diluted evening sample. I know that's not an indication of multiples but I've got a sinking feeling there's more than 2 or 3. Twins or even triplets I can get my head around but any more than that, especially 6 or 7 is my worst nightmare lol. I'm so confused woth my feelings as getting pregnant was the dream and when you've struggled with infertility you don't expect to be feeling like the way I'm feeling when you do get a bfp iykwim.

I guess the next step would be to have a private scan. When do you think I should have it? Dh says at 6 weeks but will we see anything that early?
Don't want to leave for too long as I need to know but at the same time I don't want to know as I'm too scared.

I guess I deserve this for being so daft  
I emailed my clinic last week and explained what had happened and they said I have gone against their advice and triggered and by having intercourse 2 days before the trigger there was a good chance of pregnancy and they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, I don't blame them


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## Loulou4- (Sep 18, 2014)

Lambic at 6 weeks you will be able to see how many sacs and can even see heartbeats, but that can take up to 7 weeks. I'd go at 6 weeks and see how many. 

Congratulations on your bfp. Sorry you can't really enjoy it due to all this stress. That seems a bit harsh of the clinic, I can understand it to a degree, but you know what you've done and can't change it now. Xx


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## stelmat (Feb 1, 2014)

Wow congratulations and I have my fingers firmly crossed for 1, 2 or 3!  You will certainly see how many at 6 weeks, so I would book a scan for then.  I wouldn't have told them about the trigger but what is done is done.  I hope you can enjoy this as much as possible, it must be such a conflict of feelings.


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

You can't really see anything until 6 plus 3 days.  That is when you see the heart beat.  So worth waiting.

Are you taking any baby aspirin and folic acid?  You perhaps should be.


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

To be honest I am surprised they didn't switch you to ivf


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

I agree to 6+ weeks to see how many. Take this a day at a time x


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thank you ladies for the replies and not being judgmental  
Can't believe it still as we tried so many times before over many years and finally got my 5 month old ds. 
Gonna book a scan for 6+ weeks and see.
I'm trying not to stress but can't help it, keep wondering what explanation I'm going to give if its more than 3  
Had my tx abroad but they did say not to trigger so I can't blame the clinic.
Any ideas anyone?

I will come back to update after my scan if I don't die from a heart attack first!
Just out of curiosity, does anyone know if anyone else has gone through something similar?

Teeinparis, I'm taking follic acid but not aspirin as I don't need it according to clinic.


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## Loulou4- (Sep 18, 2014)

I've never done own egg ivf so not too clued up on trigger shots etc but if you need to explain this at some point I.e at the scan can you not say that you got confused and had the shot when you weren't meant to, and you'd already had sex (which is true) 

There's no accounting for stupidity, I'd pretend you messed up by accident xx


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## maybebaybee (Apr 17, 2016)

Hi Lambie, first of all congrats on your BFP! Enjoy this moment, as it's only the first step along the way to getting your take-home baby. 

Before you panic too much, schedule your HCG betas. First one should be at 14 dpo and the second at 16 dpo. Then schedule a 6-week (ish) scan. There's nothing you can do at this point to increase or decrease the numbers, so schedule the tests and let it go. Remember stress is not good for any of the embies or for you. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

As others have said, make sure you're taking your folic acid and vitamins, and anything else the docs have told you to take.

Just for fun, let's play with numbers to hopefully give some perspective about how many could realistically have implanted. This is based on reading the forums here and scouring the web for ideal follicle sizes as I was going through my various cycles. I was obsessed with knowing what was exactly right. Of course there are exceptions. 

You said your follicle sizes were 28, 24, 24, 22, 19, 18, 16. The 28 mm was already over-mature prior to trigger. That puts you at 6. The 24s were likely over-mature because they do continue to grow another few mms after trigger. I'd say that reasonably leaves you with 4 possible to fertilize and implant. In any given IVF cycle, only 75-80% fertilize. That puts you at 3. It's hard to know beyond that since everything happened in your body and not in a lab. But I think it's reasonable to assume not more than 3 have implanted at this point.

Even if you see multiple heartbeats at 6 weeks, try not to panic. Many, many ladies on here have posted stories about vanishing twins and triplets. Multiple heartbeats doesn't _always _mean half a football team 9 months later. 

As for the clinic walking away, try not to take it personally. There might be legal implications or just moral qualms for them if they continue to treat you after you've gone off-protocol. Many countries have governing bodies that check up on the records. At this point, there's not much the foreign clinic can do. I'd say it's the universe. The universe knew that this was your time and that's why you took the trigger.


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks Loulou4 for great tips hun  
Maybebaybee thanks for your reply, I calmed down a bit after reading it 
Just trying desperately to stay calm but it's so hard! I know there's nothing I can do now except wait for the scan but the next 3ww is going to be torture.
I firmly believe what's meant to happen will happen just hate the fact l put myself in this situation.
Some family members dont kno about my feetility problems over the years as im a very private person and my family members are not the understanding type iykwim, the last thing i want is to have more than 3 and have them find out about my fertility issues and how stupid ive been as i know what their going to be like and im dreading that the same as im dreading being the next Kate Gosseling


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Huge congrats on the BFP! Agree with the other ladies that booking bloods would be a good way to go as that can indicate multiples. Totally agree that it's not likely to be a school full. Just concentrate on looking after yourself and getting to the bloods and scan.

All the very best!


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## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi Lambie, I have been following your story since you posted it. Congratulations and looking forward to reading the outcome from you scan.


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Awwwww, thanks for all the support and understanding girls  
Can't get over how nice everyone is being, don't know what i'd do without you all


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

Question as our little one is 7 months.  Are you not breastfeeding?  I would like to do treatment but she doesn't seem to want to stop breastfeeding.  Although I do get periods they are not regular.  I went two months without one...


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Hi Teeinparis, my ds loves breastfeeding but unfortunatly i had supply issues from day one and due to ds losing too much weight I was advised to top up with formula. Eventually ds was fully bottlefed but still comfort feeding on me.
I was told to stop breastfeeding if I wanted to start tx and because ds was bottlefeeding it was easier to stop.
Ds still had the occasional moments where he cried to comfort feed which was upsetting but after a couple of weeks he was fine. 
If your ebf'ing then you might have to wait till your lo stops im afraid.
Does your lo take bottles at all?


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

We never introduced bottles as were meant to travel to Australia at 5 months then wean on returning back.  But we had to delay the trip until this month.  I read EBF was best and definitely had NO problems with supply so didn't see the point of introducing bottles.  We tried formula from her beloved sippy cup but she doesn't like it and frankly breast feeds through the night just for comfort.  But with the trip coming up figured I would let it go as the WHO guidelines do say 6 months EBF (if you can) and 2 years with solids!! That won't happen hear.  I don't pump as frankly didn't want my supply to get any bigger.  I still leak on occasion!


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Really pleased that you've got a goid supply and able to ebf hun, i dreamed of doing that with ds but due to an awful supply and ds losing dangerous amounts of weight I had no choice but to bottlefeed which was a shame as he was doing everything right but my body wasnt!
After a lot of tears and heartache i finally calmed down and realised that although ebf'ing is the best thing what mattered most is getting ds fed even if that wasnt the way i dreamed of feeding him. That's what sort of made me want to try for "one more" otherwise i would have had to wait until ds had stopped bf'ing which was fine


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I got a BFP at 7dpt and a scan showed one baby.  From what you have said I very much doubt there is more then 2 in there.  Try to take things one day at a time.  There is nothing that you can do until you have a scan.  I have had scans at just over 6 weeks and the embryo was really clear.

Keep us updated.

X


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks staceysm, i hope your right hun but iv'e got a feeling it's going to be more than that  
I dont think i can relax until i know for sure which is why i cant wait for the scan but im dreading it at the same time lol!

Gosh, I hope no one goes through what im going through  
I know there's reduction and all that but the thought of that after all that we go through to get pregnant is the worst feeling ever, I really hope that's something i wont have to go through.

Im going to book my scan today and i will update as soon as i know xx


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## poppy05 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi lambie
Ive followed your thread since your first post, firstly congrats on your BFP, secondly, please stop beating yourself up about what you  have done, i know this is slightly different, but i had a friend who went against clinic protocol with her clomid, she had been trying with it for a year, and she ended up taking double the dose which was something her dr had said do NOT do, well my godson is now 7 months old!! I very much doubt you have more than 2 in there, not all of those follicles necessarily contained an egg, some were prob over mature, please try to relax a little, whatever is meant to be will be hun, and i think you should be honest when you see a doctor, everyone makes mistakes and you had a mad moment, lets face it, most of us have done silly things while ttc, we will do anything to get a bfp, whats done is done, and im sure you will see 1 possibly 2 healthy heartbeats.
take it easy, and good luck with your scan and bloods, i await your next update.


poppy xx


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Finally plucked up the courage to book the scan, its on the 16th August in evening  
I think i'll be about 6+3 so hope i have'nt booked it too early.
Wish me luck ladies xx


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

have you done your bhcg's?


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

No hun, decided to use that money for scans instead as bloods aren't really an indicator. X


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## stelmat (Feb 1, 2014)

Good luck, it will soon come around.  Do let us know how you get on


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## Sarahlo (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi Lambie

I'm so glad I came across this as I'm in a similar situation tbh and now I'm panicking a little. 
To cut a long story short 1mc, failed IUIs failed IVF and failed fet. so myself and DW decided that we can't afford anymore IVF for a while, I'm getting an nhs referal and in the mean time we will try home insems with cryos and use the Clomid I have left over from the clinic. 
I do usually produce a good amount of follciles on Clomid but as I wasn't triggering and the dr who was scanning me for a follcile tracking scan said I'll only ovulate the lead follcile. I did some reviews with mixed answers and well we went ahead at the weekend because also I was having issues with opk but felt ovulation pains Saturday. 
Anyways today I went for a progesterone blood test day 17 and she was pretty much writing me off as usually it's day 21 and I'd prob have to have another one as it prob negative etc. Anyway it turns out they are sky high which means I must have ovulated more than 1 egg 😬
last scan I had was weds and I had 1x18mm 4x15mm, 1x10 and 1x11. all had kept growing since my scan 2 days prior so now I'm panicking that I had 7 mature foilicles and time of ovulation on Saturday. 

TBH I've had iui with 3 follciles once and got a bfn but we have also changed donor so tbh I've no idea anymore. 

Hope all goes well at your scan Lambie x


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## mo89 (Feb 4, 2016)

Hi lambie just read your story. I cant believe they would cancel anyway. If you had listened to the clinic you would not be pregnant right now!!! And I think even 4 babies is vetter than none! Although im sure itl only be one or twins. Xx


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks ladies, scan is tomorrow and im really panicking today, feel so tense and stressed out thinking all sorts.
Really hope there isn't more than 2 in there although my heart says there is going to be more than that!

Hi sarah, gosh, I can certainly relate to the panick you must be feeling hun. When are you testing?
I was convinced  i would not be pregnant as we only did the deed once before the scan and after taking the trigger panick set in and I didnt want to risk it any further. I had hot baths and did the opposite of everything I usually do during 2ww but if its gonna happen then its gonna happen i guess. To think of all those times during tx when I did everything by the book and didnt work.

My nausea is so bad at the moment and ive never felt this tired in my life! Infact, im off for yet another nap!


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## Loulou4- (Sep 18, 2014)

All the best for tomorrow Lambie, I hope it's good news and everything is ok. I'm sure you'll feel better for just having had the scan and knowing where things stand, the worry must be very stressful on top of normal 2ww wobbles xx


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## Mrs_F (Oct 2, 2011)

Thinking of you tomorrow Lambie  hoping you are blessed with just the right number of babies to complete your family! I followed your story before with your first born, and this new pregnancy seems like a wonderful addition  let us know how you get on x


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thank you so much Mrs_F and Loulou, its so amazing the amount of love and support I've been getting on ff, everyone here are so amazingly lovely. You have now gone and made me cry lol  
Scan is at 5.30 so I will definatley update tomorrow. Thank you all once again for all your well wishes and support


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

Good luck xx


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## starmaker78 (Aug 5, 2016)

Been watching this thread with baited breath....good luck today!! 😀


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## LA2015 (May 20, 2015)

Me too!! Good luck xx


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Well, im back from the scan but before I give everyone the result i'd like to ask everyone how many embies you all think has stuck. I will then give the results later in the evening


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## MadameG (Jan 13, 2012)

Lambie you're mean   I'm going for one chunky cherub xxx


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## mo89 (Feb 4, 2016)

I will say 3. Xx


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## Daisyboo1203 (Jul 23, 2015)

You don't sound very worried, Lambie, nor that you need support now as you mentioned at the beginning of this thread. 
So i will assume it went ok and I will wish you good luck for the future! X


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## LA2015 (May 20, 2015)

Il go with 2 x


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## Mrs_F (Oct 2, 2011)

I'm going to say 4! 😮


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## starmaker78 (Aug 5, 2016)

I reckon 2!!


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

2...

Come on missus!!!!!


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

I didnt beleive it and I was shocked when the sonographer said it was just the 1!
I was so nervous that I threw up 2x in tge car on the way to the scan. Out of 7 follicles only 1!
Goes to show how sometimes you need to take risks sometimes. Had I followed clinic protocol then right now i'd most likely be crying over yet another failed cycle. The sonographer was lovely and when i explained my story to her she said she will give me another quick scan next week for free just to make sure there wasnt another beanie hiding away although she said that was unlikely as she had a good look around in there.
Still in shock ladies as i was convinced I was gonna have a minimum of 5-6 in there  
Have to admit though, i was still a little greedy and hoped she found 2 but that makes me sound really ungrateful and im not, im so blessed . I know it's early days still and iv'e had early miscarriages in the past but im just going to take one day at a time and count my lucky stars that im not in an awful position where i would have had to reduce a few of my precious little ones.
I would like to thank everyone for the enormous amount of love and support everyone has shown me during one the most stressful 2ww.
Hope all your dreams come true


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

Fate 😘 brilliant news x congratulations x


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## Moomin16 (Nov 10, 2015)

Whoa just read this thread - gosh what a roller coaster! I am going to say 2!


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## starmaker78 (Aug 5, 2016)

Congratulations and glad that your mind is now at ease. Time to relax and enjoy your pregnancy!! Good luck.xx


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## MadameG (Jan 13, 2012)

Congratulations   relax and enjoy xxxxxxx


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## Mrs_F (Oct 2, 2011)

Yes!!! So pleased for you. A miracle baby. Wishing you a healthy and happy 9 months xxx


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Wow - huge congrats! All the very best x


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## LA2015 (May 20, 2015)

Congratulations xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Fab news.  I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

X


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## poppy05 (Apr 10, 2006)

Congratulations so pleased for you, what a big weight off your mind, we all know how worried you were, hopefully you can relax a little now and enjoy planning for your little one.


poppy xx


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## Round two (May 31, 2016)

Congratulations! What lovely news. Been following your thread since the beginning x


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## Lambie36 (Sep 10, 2014)

Thanks everyone, i have to admit i dont look half as pale as i did when i first walked into the scanning room. You should have seen my dh, he was shaking like a leaf and kept saying to the sonographer "are you certain there isn't 7 in there?" And when she said yes and showed us a close up of our little bean with the heart beating I just burst into tears and dh put his hand on heart and said " thats it, there is no way we'll ever go ahead with more than 2 follicles!, my heart cant take all this drama!"  
I told him not to worry as this is  definitely the last time we do this.
But I have to say, I am glad we took that risk as we wouldn't have a bfp if we did'nt.
Wish I didnt feel so sick and exhausted all the time though, but ai guess it's a good sign and means things are progressing the way they should.

Wishing you all the very best for the future xxxxxx


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## stelmat (Feb 1, 2014)

Oh Lambie huge congratulations, I hope you can now enjoy being pregnant.  Best of luck!


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