# Lesbian couple in need of support



## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

Hi, I'm new to this site and forums in general. This seems like a very supportive place, which is what we need.

I am a 25 year old woman in a relationship with my 28 year old partner and we are currently going through the process of referral through NHS Wales

Reasons for this is due to same sex couple and myself having endometriosis (also had ovarian cyst removed last year through laparotomy)

We are at the stage where we are going for appointment in Cardiff on 30th April to discuss the eligibility criteria after going to the initial consultation 6 months ago.

I am hopefully on track to being 30 BMI but it is worrying me that I won't. my partner won't achieve it by April 30th. We haven't been informed of the criteria until received the letter last week.. Throughout entire process nothing has been mentioned about BMI.

Has anyone got any insight on this? Will they accept us onto waiting list if almost at 30? Will they consider the endometriosis over the weight criteria If I don't quite achieve 30?

If we are denied due to BMI, what is the next step? 

Are you told at that appointment if you are successful or do you have to wait for another letter?

Sorry for all the questions, have lots we want clearing up or support with.

Thank you


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## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

Hi,

Pretty sure they could accept you on to wait list if BMI over 30 however it would be highly unlikely for you to get treatment if you're over limit.

I'm not 100% of this though as my wife and i aren't eligible for funding as we are over age 35 and thats the cut off in our PCt.  Good luck with your journey.


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

Thank you so much for the quick reply.

We are coming to realisation and acceptance of the possibility of not being eligible  and have revisited the idea of going private when we are able to afford this.

If you don't mind me asking, how have you and your wife gone about treatment?


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## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

One of the first things we did was go to the fertility show in London, it was great to get a feeling for so many clinics.  We then wrote away to a few clinics that we liked the look of and got the prices.  Also checked the **** website to find clinics close to us and also find out their results.  We then attended an open evening at a local clinic but we didn't get a good feeling.  Then we attended the Alternative Family Show in London and while there London Womans Clinic was offering a 50% discount for first consultation so I signed up for that.  LWC were always on our short list as they have their own sperm bank, are within easy reach of where we live and are very used to same sex couples however they are probably one of the more expensive ones and also they are not incredibly warm but they are nice and quick to answer questions.  When we signed up they sent a list of blood tests to do and I was able to get most of them on the NHS just by asking my Doctor.  First appt I had another blood test for AMH as the NHS does not do this.  I also had an internal scan to check follicles and we signed a lot of paper work.  A couple of weeks later we had a counselling session which you have to do if you use donor eggs/sperm.  Then I had a HyCoSy to check my tubes are open.  Then it was choosing sperm and waiting for ovulation.  Currently on 2WW so fingers crossed.

I would say even going private to leave six months aside before you do the treatment as it means its less stressful.


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## NickiCB (Nov 5, 2013)

I'm in Swansea so come under a different trust, I know the BMI cut off is 30 here.  From what I understand your BMI won't affect you being put on the waiting list (I was borderline) but no treatment will be done if you are over. Me and my wife were both referred via our GP's for NHS treatment and my experience has not been great, we ended up visiting LWC and are now having private treatment.  It's such a challenging journey, and their support has been amazing.

Good luck with whatever lies ahead for you


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

Thank you mrsww, it was quite daunting at first trying to understand the process but we are now more comfortable after researching all options. Good luck, hope everything goes well!

NickiCB our criteria states that cut off is 30 also.. I'm hopefully on track to losing enough weight but not so sure. Possibly will be over, in which case no treatment. Do you get to find out at the appointment if you're granted funding or do you have to wait for another letter?

Thank you for the reply and support   we are more at ease at the moment from more research into going private. We were disheartened when got the letter with list of criteria but if it means going private then that seems a more supportive and speedier process anyway.


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

We had the consultation today and despite being 31.9 BMI they have accepted us onto the waiting list ready for stimulated IUI with waiting list to get started approx 6 months!   so happy!!


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Fantastic news!! My wife and I also got funding and at the start was just under the 30 BMI but not really sure if anybody checked this prior to starting but I assume they must of done, I think during treatment i'v crept over the 30bmi tho and nothing has happened about it, maybe we're just lucky. We feel very very privileged that we managed to secure funding, the system throughout the country seems very unfair to be honest and I really don't know how long the Nhs will continue to fund fertility treatment. Good luck to u both x


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

Thank you, we are also saying how lucky we must be for then to have said yes!
I agree, the way in which the criteria is set out is terrible and we've had so many worries about it that we almost gave up with NHS. 

We have been granted with funding for 3 stimulated IUIs. We didn't discuss where the donor sperm they use is from though so we are wondering what the option is like with regards to donors? 

I also notice you've recently got a BFP  congratulations! Was this through the NHS or private? If you don't mind me asking.


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Hi, we were funded for 6 iui's and 1 IVF treatment. We got our BFP on the fourth go of iui and not to sound too negative but the funding stands until a live birth so worried about mc at the moment, will feel better after first scan a week on Monday! As for the donor sperm our clinic arranged it all, we were allowed to pick height, hair colour, completion and eye colour, which we have matched mostly with my DP!! We changed our donor after the second go of iui too so you do have options but we don't know any of his history or interests or jobs but can't have everything. We feel extremely lucky, good luck xx


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Sorry yes it was NHS treatment that has resulted in our BFP and we are at the same clinic we would of chosen if we'd of gone private


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## NickiCB (Nov 5, 2013)

Is there a waiting list for donor sperm on the NHS? The NHS wanted me to have ovarian drilling without any discussion of next steps or if we qualify for IUI/IVF. As this procedure works best in the first 6-9 months would have thought they'd discuss this lol but then I had one appointment with a gynae registrar who phoned me a few hours later to say they thought this procedure would benefit me and then a few months later an appointment for operation comes through the door without out any other info. A bit baffled by it all. Congrats on your BFP


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Nicki - not sure if there is a waiting list for donor, we waited a year to secure our funding in our pct from our initial GP appointment to receiving the letter offering us funding. When we were ready to start treatment we had to phone the clinic to organise the donor the month before we wanted to start treatment. We had to order the donor every time we had treatment usually a couple of weeks to a month before treatment. We did a month of treatment then had a month off and so forth until the BFP  hope that helps?


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

That really is extremely lucky.. Especially receiving treatment from same clinic! You must both be so excited! 

Sounds like the selection for donor is straightforward. We had been looking into European sperm bank and xytex for a donor if private clinic is needed and we love being able to see the photos, but wasn't sure about legalities or shipping etc. Being able to select hair and eye colour etc. through NHS is good with us!  .. Can't wait for this to move forward now we are finally at this stage! 

We were told we would get phone call Thursday or Friday to schedule counselling but there was no call, so will give them a ring this week to get that sorted too! 

Exciting and nerve wracking times!! Xx


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

SMw - very exciting times! The counselling was a breeze for us, in fact he was very interested in our plans and ideas of how we'll explain the treatment to potential children and how we'll deal with the stress of the emotional roller coaster that treatment brings. We both feel extremely fortunate even better than how we'd imagine winning the lottery would be!! Although we are both still very nervous and uneasy but think this will go after the 12 weeks mark. I am extremely tired and nauseous and unfortunately my wife has just had surgery (timing not brilliant) but so unbelievably happy  we've ranted this for so long!! Good luck with your exciting journey it really is a roller coaster of emotions but you will get there  x


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

Thank you, it is a roller coaster but will be so worth it. How are you and your wife feeling now? I bet it must be tiring but so lovely at same time. 

We have been booked in for counselling on Monday. Surprised with how quickly that has been sorted!  x


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Sadly our pregnancy has ended, had severe cramping Friday night it eased but Saturday it was back with a big bleed. A&E confirmed mc early hours of this morning, we didn't make it to our 7 wk scan booked for tomorrow (our wedding anniversary) we are both devastated, no words can describe! We have 2 gos of iui left and 1 of Ivf but I think we need a break from all things related to it to grieve :,( good luck to u x


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## NickiCB (Nov 5, 2013)

I am so sorry to hear your sad news :-( this journey really is a hard and cruel one! Its so tough emotionally and physically. We're taking a couple of months out too, just had a trip away to london to be ourselves again and to remember to enjoy what we already have.... No words can ease your pain right now but take care xxx


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

I am so sorry to hear such sad news.. I can't imagine what you must both be going through. Take care and enjoy each other xx


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

It really isn't an easy journey, such a roller coaster of emotions and so unbelievably cruel! On top of everything i'v gone and broke my toe and my wife is recovering from surgery. We're trying to come to terms with what's happened and never understood the true pain of a mc! We do have other plans if none of this treatment works but desperately hoping it will, good luck to you both, I hope none of you have to go through this!! It really does test the strength of you relationship!! That's the one good thing, we are both rock solid and know exactly how each other deals with things when to give space and when to give hugs..... Good luck x


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

How are things going Divas? I hope you and your wife are still strong support each other needs.

My partner and I are now going through CRGW clinic as I've had some further complications. Had an ultrasound and have 2 more cysts in left ovary and had AMH test which came back low.

We are looking to start medicated DIUI as soon as possible.


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Smw88 - really hope your DIUI is a success!! As for us, we are getting ready to start our 5th DIUI, not really the best of time to start as my wife may be facing loosing her job but emotionally we are ready and want/need to start the treatment again! Hoping it will be a success but not getting hopes up too much if that makes any sense? We kinda think we'll probably have to go through IVF but will have to wait and see.....good luck to you both x


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## chellelauz (Jun 30, 2013)

Hey guys just been reading this thread so sorry for the rough times some of u have been though   how are things/plans going now?

Smw88uk i remember u from before


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## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

We had another shot of iui which was sadly a BFN, that was our 5th go. We are planning on moving on to IVF next but going to have a break to sort ourselves out. In all honesty I don't think we was ready to go through iui again after the mc. Plus we are both going through a lot of stress with work so need to feel as calm as possible before Ivf. Good luck everybody it's so hard x


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## NickiCB (Nov 5, 2013)

I feel you with the time out! We've just suffered an early miscarriage 😢 so devestating and heartbreaking. I'm back at the gym to get in shape and clear my head, we're having a few months off and plan to  enjoy Christmas before we start the process all over again in the new year. I love my life and who I am and wouldn't change anything, but it sucks that by itself the overwhelming love me and my wife share can't produce the one thing we want most in the world. But we will not let this process beat us, it has strengthened us and made us more determined. Thinking of you all x


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## Smw88uk (Apr 2, 2014)

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss... Must be the most horrible experience. 

I'm currently on day 7 of injecting 30 suprecur and 50 gonal f. 

Went for scan today to check follicles and have 3 growing... One on side of cyst which is 11.8mm and two on right side 13.0mm and 12.2mm. Thickness is 13.53mm. The nurse seemed happy with this and has said to continue same injections tonight and tomorrow and go back for scan on Wednesday. 

Are these measurements ok? 

Nurse said if all ok Wednesday could be looking at insemination on Friday or weekend! 
No mention of trigger shot so I was wondering when this will take place if scheduled for Friday or Saturday? 

So many questions after appointments!


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