# Possible autism



## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

We have been approached about a LO who sounds amazing but they have recently begun to suspect he may be on the autistic spectrum, he is affectionate, looks for comfort, loves cuddles and kisses, has very positive relationships with his foster carers and other children within the placement.  The only issues at present are that his speech is delayed and he has some repetitive behaviours.

Just looking for some advice from anyone who has any experience of autistic spectrum, we feel as though they may be looking for something which isn't there as these may just be age appropriate behaviours but obviously don't want to be naive.  We have already fallen in love with what we have heard so far but want to be realistic about the future and be fully aware of any difficulties which may arise x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi crazyroychick.

You haven't said how old lo is but autisum didn't norm get picked up until 2-3 years of age. I have two children in my family who are autistic.

There are signs you could look out for and maybe ask if he is doing/not doing

[list type=square]
[*]Doesn't make noises to get your attention.
[*]Doesn't initiate or respond to cuddling.
[*]Doesn't imitate your movements and facial expressions.
[*]Doesn't reach out to be picked up.
[*]Doesn't play with other people or share interest and enjoyment.
[*]Doesn't ask for help or make other basic requests.
[/list]
I did check with a hv regarding my lo as he likes to spin and uses his hands a lot. But hv said it was totally normal for a toddler of his age. He use to do it a lot, now it's once in a blue moon.

There aims lots of help out there for children with autisum and their future is so much better now than is was years ago. My nephew goes to a special school as since he has been there in sept has come on leaps and bounds.

Good luck sweetie. Xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks macgyver, he is 2.5, it's really strange he is affectionate, seeks comfort, has really strong attachments with other children in placement.  If other LO in placement falls he copies her so he can get a cuddle! He talks to strangers when out although it's only hiya as his speech is delayed but just doesn't seem to fit with characteristics from spectrum?  Foster carers do not agree at all with possible diagnosis and they believe these are simply age appropriate behaviours.


Really don't want to be naive and want to get a clearer picture of what this may mean for us in the future if definite diagnosis.  I work with two women who have autistic sons but they are at opposite ends, one doesn't communicate at all and is quite violent whereas the other is at mainstream school and doing really well x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

I am no dr, but I would go with your gut feeling, if he turns out to have autisum and you know you can deal with it then follow your heart. I said at ap and mp that if our lo had autisum or any other condition then we would still love him no less. You can not stop a birth child having certain conditions and an adopted child is no different. 
As the poem says, they may not grow under our hearts but in them


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Totally agree we are in love with everything we know so far and they always talk about uncertainties with adoptive children, there are uncertainties with all children! No one has a crystal ball x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

Whenever you look at profiles you always need to look worst case and if you think you could cope then it's a great sign when you feel that connection.

I think current theory is that Autism may have genetic links but it's the environmental factors pre-birth and in early months that may switch on/off certain genes (but I'm no expert and only gained this for reading I had done prior and post placement). There's a theory on the Auk thread that supports early trauma effects can look very similar to autism (I think Dr's need the 3 elements/tests to diagnose) and Mac is right that it's normally around 3/4yrs that diagnoses can come about.

I have friends who teach autistic children and there is just so much more they know now to bring out the best in the kids.

I had concerns about my LO for a while (and still got some risk) but we know we can cope if it comes to it. If FC is quite experienced then their view will be important but if he has/is being diagnosed then I would push for support from the placing agency and get more information from medical advisor etc as to why they believe this and where they see him on spectrum (if he is).


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Little Pea has the possibility of Autism according to his medical adviser... And ADHD and hyper-mobility... We went a head because we felt we could deal with all of those things. However since he came home, it's clear he was just bored at FC and needed one on one attention. In the last 15 weeks it's become clear that the behaviors that were causing concern were just where he was slightly under-stimulated and babied.


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks Gertie, he has an assessment in June, our SW has offered lots of support if it is positive diagnosis and is going to arrange for professional advice before his assessment.  He has started speech therapy and this will continue post placement.  We definitely want to progress we just want to be fully informed to make sure we make the right decision for both us and LO x

Mummypea we feel they may be looking for something that might not be there but obviously the potential is there with any child, birth or adopted.  How long has your LO been home? Can't wait to be at that stage x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Pea has been home 15 weeks today  putting the paper work in to court for AO tomorrow EEeek!

We have found that SS tend to make things out to be far worse then they are. Little Pea was 13 months when he came home, but was slightly delayed in terms of mobility, eating (ie not self-feeding) and sleep (still having a night feed). Now he's a typical 18month old... In fact he's slightly smarter than any one realized. He can already recognize blue, green or red items 

Try and get as much information from the FC. And the end of day, they know LO better then a doctor who has seen them a couple of times. good luck xxxx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks MummyPea, we have to wait until assessment in June before they will even progress to a linking meeting as they want to be able to provide us with all the information before we reach a decision.  Sounds as if you LO is settling in great, good luck with the adoption order, how long does that take once paperwork submitted? X


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

It takes about 9 weeks to get a court date apparently. Should be done mid-July


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Best of luck, not long til little little Pea will be officially yours forever   xx


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Our son was much older when he came home, he has since been diagnosed with ADHD, but I have to say you could tick boxes for so many conditions with him, I am sure it all stems from early trauma, he came to us at 6, none of these things were ever mentioned or picked up on whilst in FC, it's good that they are picking up on them now at least that way you can make informed decisions, make sure you get a very good water tight care package in place. 

Good luck with the rest of your journey.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I work with lots of autistic children and firstly can I say it's the part me my job I love the best. Secondly I must add that work is 9-5 and this would be the rest of your life so I'm not playing it down and saying it's all sweetness and light. But with the right support your little one (if he does get a diagnosis) will do wonderfully I'm sure. Autism is a massive spectrum, they'll assess using the triad of impairments, social (behaviours, eye contact, interaction with peers), communication (verbal and non verbal) and imagination/play skills. They'll also look at other defining characteristics like repetitive behaviour and rigid thinking. However lots can overlap. A child may present as autistic when he has suffered trauma, is delayed, has attachment difficulties. I worked with a little boy who was in foster care and they were convinced he was on the spectrum. But he wasn't, he had just missed early life experiences so his language was delayed, he didn't know how to play and he was obsessive over items because he had experienced loss and didn't want to lose his precious possessions anymore and he repeated phrases due to anxiety. So nothing is clear cut. I wish you well, you sound very smitten which pretty much says it all


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Our daughter has some very repetitive behaviours and routines which have to be rigidly stuck to or things can get very difficult.  In general she has a massive need to control adults.  She also is very controlling about little things like sitting on the right side, having the toys lined up right, being held the right way, and lots of other little things which can seem ludicrous and be incredibly frustrating to deal with, but she gets incredibly stressed when things aren't done quite right.  Any change in routine or disruption will almost always heighten this.  She was 19 months when she came to us, and although we weren't told about any of these issues, we certainly noticed it when she was with foster carer, and it became much worse when she came to us.  It's never really improved significantly.  I've been questioned in the past as to whether I think she might fall on the autistic spectrum when discussing some of these issues, and I don't, but I'm not an expert and I certainly wouldn't rule it out.  My gut feeling with my little girl, now 3 1/2, is that it's just one massive control fight, and these little routines are her way of trying to feel in control and down to a huge insecurity and the result of trauma and loss.  I don't think she's autistic.  However, the control issue can be a huge one and it is incredibly difficult to live with.  I wish I'd been better prepared for this, and many other things about our daughter, before she was placed.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with MummyPea about SWs over-playing things.  I think you need to have all the information to be able to make an informed decision and good Social Workers will give you all the information and you should consider the worst case scenario, what the odds are of that happening, and not only whether you could cope with it, but whether you would want that to be your life, before making a decision.  Also, as others have said, where a child is said to have suspected additional needs, an agreed support package in place.  We didn't have anything like the full information Social Services held about our daughter and as a result we were unprepared for what we were taking on and how we would deal with the various problems, and we also have no support package in place at all.  I am unable to return to work and don't know when I will be able to which has a huge financial impact, and I'm left battling with post adoption support, HV, GP and various other professionals to try and get some appropriate support for our daughter and us as a family, which is somewhat like banging my head against a brick wall.  It's very difficult to get that support for a toddler age child so we find ourselves watching our daughter get older and her problems getting harder and harder for her and us to live with, and almost certainly more difficult to fix the longer she is without proper professional help, and just wondering how broken things have to get before someone will finally agree to offer us some proper help.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## NancyS (Oct 16, 2013)

I've got a medical background and work in a related field and I was wondering who it is that has the concerns regarding autism?  At this age, any concern would usually come from the carer of the child - and often most of the developmental assessment comes from the history as very young children will often just not co-operate with testing and it is fairly common for young children to not communicate with health professionals.  

SALT are usually good at picking things up and I would definitely try and get the latest SALT reports - and would want to know extent of current delay and whether there are concerns of speech disorder rather than just delay.  Does he still communicate his wishes by either pointing or using gesture?  Is he making progress?


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Like Lolly, I've also worked with high functioning children on the spectrum. They are beyond lovely. Due to my own upbringing, I really "get" them, and vice versa. But I wasn't their parent so I didn't have to manage their intensity 24/7. It is hard work.

I also have friends whose child is autistic, and I've known since he was 10 months old. You could see his brain worked differently, because he didn't pay attention to the same things other children did. For him it wasn't just developmental delay, it was developmentally different. His parents are amazing people. They worked very hard to give him a loving and safe home in which he could maximise his potential. He is still the same boy, but his coping skills are enormously different than a similar boy would have had without that therapeutic parenting.

If you are committed, go for it.


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks for your replies ladies, the support on here is just amazing x

Mini moo, my nephew has ADHD and my SIL faced some real struggles when he was younger but he is now a 22 year old amazing young man.  I know we are really lucky that SW are making sure we have all the information and are also offering professional advice and a care package if LO gets a positive diagnosis as I know a lot of other adopters aren't made aware of issues before placement.  I see from your signature you have just been through intros with number 2, how is LO settling in? X

Lolly, it is really good to hear from someone who has experience with children on the spectrum as we really don't have any.  Our LO has been with foster carers since he was 1 day old and they don't have any concerns about him at all, his SW said they strongly disagree with suggestion of autism and believe his behaviours to be age appropriate.  How is little pink getting on? X

Wyxie, thank you for being so honest, we really wanted someone to tell us about the struggles we may face as we need to make an informed decision without being naive and thinking it will all be ok.  Our SW has been great she has offered to arrange a meeting with a professional to find out more and they won't progress to a linking meeting until he has been assessed by the autism team so they can provide us with all the facts they have.  I am so sorry to hear about the lack of support you are getting from the professionals, surely SW should be providing this for you? X

NancyS, LO went for a developmental review in oct 2013 and was found to be in good health, hitting all his developmental milestones, however, another review in dec 2013 with another doctor was contradictory and she felt his speech was delayed and some of his interactions required further review.  SALT reviewed him and felt again that speech wasn't where it should be and that he showed some repetitive behaviours.  According to his SW and foster carers he is loving little boy who seeks affection and comfort, who displays affection, has positive attachments to all in placement, he enjoys play (although not keen to share but most 2.5 year olds aren't), he sleeps right through the night, has a great appetite and would eat anything! He says hiya to strangers when out and is very gentle with family dog.  SW said that if he wasn't in care he wouldn't even be getting an assessment as this could just be age appropriate behaviours.  His speech isn't great but he can communicate his needs clearly x

Handstitchedmum, thanks for your insight, I work with 2 women whose sons are on the spectrum but at very opposite ends, one doesn't communicate at all and can be violent but the other is doing really well.  Both just advised that we need to have all the information on where he may be on the spectrum so we can consider all the facts before making a decision, I know at 2.5 there is probably not much they will be able to tell us until he is older just really good to hear other peoples perspective x


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

Does anyone know anything about siblings who have autism? If one of more siblings have autism and learning difficulties what is the likelihood that the child will also be affected with it?


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

I think it depends on LDs and BPs lifestyles as well as genetics. Sorry that's maybe not very helpful and hope someone can provide some stats etc

When we spoke to medical advisor about a LO we were linked with, birth half sibs had diff LDs and they couldn't really give us any probability re the also developing the LDs so found we had to just decide based on worst case.

X x


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

I'm going to keep this quite brief as I don't want give away who I am should anyone involved with us be reading this.

We were told 15 minutes before going into the matching panel that our lo's FC suspected that our lo was possibly autistic, based on certain behaviours that were similar to a member of her family who has autism. This completely threw us as autism was a huge no for us when we had to do the list of yes/ no / maybe's. We really didn't feel that, at the worse end of the spectrum, that we would be able to cope. 
We had been linked with lo for 4 months and we're incredibly emotionally attached by this stage. We had 15 minutes to decide what to do before going into panel so went ahead on the proviso that we required more information on which to make an informed decision. We went to see lo's consultant who told us that there was no way they could diagnose any child under the age of 3 years old, but that she could not rule out that lo 'may' be on the autistic spectrum.
We did a lok of talking to each other and a lot of soul searching over the following couple of weeks and decided that if we had given birth naturally we wouldn't have a choice on the health of our child and that we would have to do what any parents would do, and manage and love the very best we could.

What followed after lo came home was beyond amazing, she started to speak, and shows none of the behaviours we were led to believe!

I can't advise you what to do but I can only tell you of our own experience and if we had gone with our gut feelings then lo would now not be here and would more than likely still be in care. We also would not be welcoming her birth sibling home in the next couple of days! It makes me so damn angry sometimes when I think of how we could have lost out on 2 of the most beautiful, happy and loving little children had we decided not to go ahead.


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thank you so much scoobydooby, that us exactly how we feel that if we had birth child we couldn't have chosen.  We have read the report and met his SW but not heard much about LO as they want us to make a decision based on facts for now before we find out more and fall totally in love with him.  That is amazing that you are expecting birth sibling too, best of luck xx


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

Thanks and good luck to you both whatever you decide. It's not easy I know but whatever decision you make WILL be the right one ;-)


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Somedaysoon

from my understanding of the stats, I think a person with a full sibling with autism has a slightly increased risk of being autistic. But it's really only a little bit. It depends a lot on the studies but, if we say that the rate in the general population is about 1%, people with a sibling with autism have about 2%-20% chance of meeting criteria themselves. But I think the 20% in your case would be unlikely, given that autism is not just genetic it is also environmental, and your little one would be growing up in a different environment from his/her brother or sister.

Also, autism is on a massive spectrum. Where there are learning disabilities and challenging behaviour, that's a huge amount to take on. But it can also come with strengths. My nephew, who's 5 and is being assessed for possible autism, is wonderful and funny and quirky and beat me at chess the other day!


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

Thanks, Ciacox and Gertie. I suppose its all part of the uncertainties that come with the whole process. LO we're matched with has siblings with autism and learning difficulties. It possibly comes down to nurture too though or lack of it. It's very hard to know. I work with children who have autism and it can be quite challenging at times. I worry about how they will cope socially in the future. Then again many of them are  intelligent at the aspergers end of the scale. It is a risk we will take and deal with if it arises. Having experience working with children with autism and also some training wil hopefully help.


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## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Hi I would say like others don't go on everything they say so wait and see with assessment later on its only suspicions but nothing else I personally work with autistic children and they are amazing xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks tigerbabe, meeting LO SW again tomorrow and autism specialist on Monday, keep you all posted x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Good luck for your meetings, I'll be reading with interest and hoping all works out just the way you want it too


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Hi 
Apologies if someone has already said this but have only skimmed through the replies... symptoms of autism also mirror attachment disorders and trauma. Our daughter is very 'traity' - she has obsessive behaviours, lines things up, has rages that are off the scale etc etc however you can kind of predict when these things will happen and are a good indicator of her anxieties - it's when she needs control as she feels things are spiralling out of control (new teacher at school, Christmas, change of routine). As her attachment becomes more secure the behaviours lessen, as she feels more insecure / ambivalent the behaviours increase.
Hope this helps a bit JB


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

That's interesting,  jitterbug. Our LO's sibling has a diagnosis of autism and attachment disorder. So I wonder how much the two go hand in hand. I read that adopted/fostered children often respond well to similar strategies for children with autism in the classroom e.g. visual timetables, brain breaks and can have similar sensory issues. I can't help but wonder is this sibling's autism heightened (or maybe even caused?) by the experiences they have been through.


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks for reply Jitterbug, really good to hear other peoples experiences, how long has your daughter been home? X

Thanks Lolly, just noticed your signature (how blind am I) massive congrats, hope your pregnancy is going well x

Well meeting today was great, falling more in love the more we hear! He just sounds like an amazing wee boy.  Autism specialist out mon then we have to let our SW know if we still want to progress, then we can meet his doctor and wait to get assessment results in June xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Just a wee update, we have had another meeting with LO SW and with autism specialist and we have decided it doesn't matter the outcome of assessment in June, we would love LO all the same.  Just waiting to hear from our SW what happens next.  Hope you are all well xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Aww that's fab CRC. Hope you can get dates for matching soon enough.
X


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

what a wonderful update, very happy for you both!


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Well Fri 13th turned out a really good day    LO had his assessment and is mildly on spectrum but very positive and he has great coping strategies already at 2.5 so we can finally get the ball rolling! Link meeting on Tuesday, hoping mid august for matching panel then home in September x


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## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Congrats hun sounds like LO will have a great family to come to xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Amazing news cc good luck xxx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Fab news   xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Wonderful news I'm so happy to hear that
Congratulations    
GG xxxxx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks ladies, how are you all doing? X

Sq9, any sign of LO for you? X

MummyDIY, how are your 2 little pinks settling in? Love the new name xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Really good thanks hun ( touch wood ) both slept through last night for the second time since being home so I'm feeling full of beans today. Hope things progress really quickly from here.  SQ9 praying for your lo to appear very soon. Huge hugs xxxx


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## Beckyboo3 (Jan 18, 2011)

That's wonderful - congratulations x


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Not sure if anyone still following but just wanted to post a wee update, wee man was given a positive diagnosis in June and moved in with us in October.

He is a wee star and amazes me every day, his speech is coming on great, he is loving nursery and is starting to interact with the other children.  He is very sociable with adults, loves his cuddles, loves playing games, loves swimming, soft play and loads of other activities he is just an amazing little boy.

Hope you are all well xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

So glad he's doing so well.  Congratulations xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks so much for the update. Congratulations!! Lovely news. 
GG xxxx


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Lovely to hear you are all getting on so well. 
Great update xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

So very happy for you all, he sounds to be doing brilliantly!


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

What a fab update congratulations xxx


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