# I need to rage



## siob (Apr 10, 2011)

Hi, 

Sorry to bring a downer but I'm here to rage. Over the past 11 years we've been through so much - POF diagnosis, oe and de IVF, in England and abroad, then an adoption process littered with incompetence from social services. Out of all of it we have a 2 perfect children - 8 yr old DE daughter and 3 yr old adopted son. Finally, despite the pandemic, it feels like life is settling down for us and we can enjoy life as a family of 4. 

Then 2 weeks ago we get a call from social services informing us that birth mum is pregnant and due any day (she literally gave birth to a little girl 2 days later) would we like a new baby. We don't! I couldn't cope with another baby and we're happy as a 4. But I'm just furious that birth mum has had another baby. We always knew it was a possibility but the reality has been much harder than expected. 

I'm so angry that after everything we've been through we're now put in the position of refusing a baby. 11 years ago I would have snapped up the opportunity. But it's not right thing for us now and I'm confident this new baby will be snapped up by another couple. But I'm so livid that after all this time and everything we've come through, I'm still sat at my kitchen table feeling like **** because of a baby. 

We have agreed to be contacted by the new parents so that our son has contact with his new sister growing up which we're more than happy to do. But it's exhausting. He already has 3 other siblings who have been adopted by 2 different families and I'm sure this new baby won't be her last. We'll probably be in the same position again in another couple of years. I'm also worried about telling my daughter, I know she'll fret. When we adopted my son she was quite tearful about the prospect of social services taking away her own baby one day. I'm dreading having to tell her there's another baby that social services have taken but we don't want it. 

I know it goes against all our adoption training but I hate his birth mum. I hate her. She's a selfish piece of **** who shouldn't be allowed a have any more children. 

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel surrounded by well meaning people who try to empathise but they just can't. This bloody fertility journey feels like it's never going to end!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Sending hugs 
Your right that this bloody infertility journey doesnt end. I find it just changes.
I said on a previous post infertility is the gift that keeps on giving 
It sounds like birth mum having yet another baby and putting you in this position has stirred up alot of complex emotions. 
Dont beat yourself up for feeling what u feel.
I too would find something like this very difficult. 

When u use DE/DS or adopt to get your long for child, u face the fact that other people are involved in the 'making' of your child. And that definitely stirs up alot of emotions. 
Because frankly you want it to be you and your child and the rest of the world to blxxdy disappear!

Take care and focus on yourself and your children and remember to do something nice for yourself xx


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## siob (Apr 10, 2011)

The gift that keeps on giving!!! Exactly right!! 

Thanks. I'm in such a state about it but I think I do need to just let it sit for a while. There's no rush to tell the kids what's happened yet, it'll be months before we meet her. I'll try to focus on having a nice summer holidays. 

Xx


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

I hear you. Those ladies who keep getting pregnant without the ability or intention to provide for the kids should undergo an operation.


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