# Just an idea



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I have been thinking about our current problem regarding unhelpful posts and it occurred to me that what often happens is a person makes an unsupportive, upsetting or whatever post and then others (and I am guilty of this) will come in and try to defend the original post. And in trying to rebalance the situation, we actually ignite a huge row... It is frustrating and I think the reason it happens is because we are using email - ie our arguments are not in 'real time'. Anyway, I get very upset with the way the threads turn out - they seem to get worse and worse and we are only trying to make things better. SO - I was thinking that maybe we should come up with a simple way of just saying 'that last post wasn't helpful' and leave it at that. Do you see what I'm saying? If we could think of a calm way to just say - 'I don't appreciate your remark' or something. Then maybe it wouldn't flare up each time? I'm just putting this idea out there - to see what everyone else thinks - or whether it will work?
Bernie


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Nice one Bernie 

I think you've hit the nail on the head about posts that cause upset.

Another problem is with the written word there is no inflection behind it, nor can anyone see the facial expressions of the writer, nor necessarily pick up on the emotion, so things can be taken the wrong way. Its easily done - I know when I was new to all this messageboard stuff I could get upset really easily. I've since had the experience of plenty of places similar to this and have learned to take a deep breath (or 100)! before responding to something that has caused me upset.

The most useful tip is writing something away from the boards about how you really feel, then amending it once you have gotten it out of your system. Here is an example I could give you about something that happened this very weekend!

Dear Sturgeon Breath
I brought my lovely pals who travelled half way across the flippin country to your restaurant on Saturday night and we waited so long for the blimmin meal I swear to god one of your kitchen blokes must have ran down the M6 and chopped the rump off the cow for the steaks then thumbed a lift back.

We were so flippin hungry after waiting so long we were gnawing at the table. And what happened when our meals did arrive? Your dumb waiter (not the lift variety, probably would have had more get up and go in it though) didn't provide us with cutlery so we had to make believe we lived in medieval times and use our fingers, which were covered in splinters from chewing the stupid table.

Myself and another guest were supposed to be having a carvery meal, by the time we waited and waited and waited, slept a little, woke up, yawned, stretched, scratched our bits etc we got served. Which meant by the time we got back to the table the others had finished their meals and were eyeing ours up hungrily.

Next time I think I'll take them to the local chippy and we'll get ourselves a carry out from the off licence!

Yours, starvin Marvin!

After writing this, I actually rang the restaurant chain and was able to put my point across clearly without getting mad down the phone, explaining that the whole evening there was a joke, and it wasn't on being kept waiting 2 and a half hours (for crying out loud)! Getting it off my chest by writing the above really helped me cool down though, and think about what I wanted to say without going off on one!

Maybe we could PM each other with our ranty stuff before posting if something triggers our emotions? Just a thought.

Love to all, and I hope you are all doing ok out there.
xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Oh Emcee!!!  I see your point – but I'm so glad that you posted the letter here and that it didn't go to waste! It was inspired. 
Bernie x


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

I used to love receiving complaint letters like that .. having worked in complaints for ten years I have seen a few ..you should have sent it to them lol.. thanks for making me laugh I needed that tonight x

Cat x


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## gbnut (Aug 4, 2006)

emcee  I loved you letter it put a smile on my face.

I like bernie idea as things really do get underhand.

i really think we should be allowed to have a rant and should not be critisised for it and i can see how this is hard when at times we may offend some people that have children.  I can not see an easy solution for this.

Do we have a thread on here that is just chatty getting low support , getting to know each other

Susan x


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi girls

Just read that letter and it made me laugh out load!!!    

Totally agree with you about the posting "That wasn't helpful" remark or something like that as it just gets worse and worse the longer it goes on for.

I havent posted much on this board but in the last 2 years have been reading and its really helped me to know i'm not alone,  now we have made the decision to stop all treatment and just accept our situation i will be posting more if you girls don't mind.

Looking forward to getting to know you all
Lisa x


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi Ladies 

that letter has made me laugh had to read twice, ( think its my age )   l think you have hit the nail on the head, to be honest ladies i have posted alittle bit on hear lately but then it all kicked off again and have just read, but this made me want to post made me laugh and god do i need that at the moment,

had a funeral on friday a very old friend and my family was there but i held my head up high and thought i dont care l need to go and say goodbye, anyway got to the wake after and stood there on my own and my mother and sister was there and my mum looked me up and down and said to my sister is that a friend of yours from collage and my sister looked at me and said no l dont know her, l was completely gob smacked my own mother and sister did not recognise me, but saying that the ladt thing my mother said to me was i can get grand children from you brothers and sisters dont need you and i have not heard from her since, but i got home and cryed there was pepole there who had not seen me for 15 years and new who i was my mother seen me what 1 year ago to a couple of mins, god i am so shocked,

anyway sorry ladies needed to do that soooooooooooooooo sorry, thats all l seem to do lately is cry cry and more crying,

bell          ( hope i did not hurt anyone with my comments i made ref to problems on the thread


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## gbnut (Aug 4, 2006)

Bell sending     

Hope things get better for you soon hun xx  Your family are not worth it hun

Susan x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh gosh Bell

Your family sound like selfish immature eejits honey, and I am sure your life is much more enriched for not having them around to drag you down on a daily basis hon  

You know what they say, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family...

Glad to hear you held your head up high though, even though you were hurting so badly inside.

Love to you
Emcee xxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Bell that is so horrid and I think you are very strong to have gone to that funeral. I haven't spoken to my father and brother for 5 years and I know I would not be able to go to any funerals that they were going to. Although when my Granddad died they didn't tell me as they said I didn't deserve to know so I ended up finding out from a friend some months later. Just confirmed to me how right I was to cut them out of my life. I think your mum and sister knew exactly who you were, they were playing stupid games to hide their own embarrassment at being ignored (quite rightly) by you. When my brother lived round the corner from me we would often see each other in town, even walk past each other, neither of us would say a word and if you were a passer by you would think we were strangers. I have no time for relatives that show no love, life is too short for sticking around for that. You stay strong and if you are anything like me you did EVERYTHING in your power to make things work before you walked away so your conscious is clear. Like you my father has never picked up the phone to me and all because I didn't attend his 60th birthday party (long story). 

LOL
Yamoona
xx


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi Ladies

thankyou for your lovely messages, all you ladies just know how to make someone feel important even when l am  moaning, " GOD " you are all so nice and supportive, l think your all great and thankgod for this thread, 

l dont know ladies  but at the moment i feel like i moan all the time,l feel sooooooooooooooo  very angry ? l think this is the last emotion l have left as l just want to scream  " why me " and to be hated by my family is just not doing me any good.  l just feel completely s*** to be honest, l am normally so happy but  at the moment i feel like a target for everyone to pull that arrow straight into my heart, but its there loss and l want to be hard and say "what ever" but it hurts, the cat is sitting next to me now screaming in my ear for some food so i will be off ladies and again thankyou for reading my daily moan at the moment,

bell


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