# Anyone else going the free donor route?



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Forgive me for starting yet another thread, but I can't quite find an extensive thread about this area. I'm fed up with failed IUI attempts, with not having control over what happens to me, of the whole factory-line clinic system, of  these exorbitant costs. I'm looking into the free sperm network and I've had various replies from men who seem, at least so far, very genuine and altruistic, most of whom want no claim on the child's life unless specified. They've also provided me with extensive blood tests etc. I know there are horror stories about this but does anyone out there have any good stories? Or are any of you doing this thing or considering it?


----------



## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

Hi Sally,

Yep, my partner and I are doing this. It wasn't just the sanitisation of it and the cost for us, but when we first started all donor sperm through clinics in the UK was anonymous which wasn't something we wanted. Now we might be inclined to think differently, but we're very happy with what we're doing at the moment and have n plans to change unless it seems it'll be medically necessary.

We met our donor online, on one of the gay parenting forums (although as it turns out, he's not gay himself). We spent time getting to know him and he showed us all his test results. He'd already donated to several other people who were willing to vouch for him and that gave us confidence in our ability to trust him. Two years on he's stuck with us through miscarriages, irregular cycles and our own changing circumstances and he still dries to us twice a month for inseminations. We're ever so grateful to him, and it just goes to show that there are really good donors out there who really do donate out of the goodness of their hearts.

When he donates to us, he comes to our home, joins us for a cuppa and a chat then goes upstairs to do his thing before leaving. We then go up to find a specimen jar with his sample waiting for us in the bathroom which we draw into a syringe and inseminate. It's very low-tech and really, really, as long as you're able to chart your own cycles so you know when your fertile window is then it's something anyone can do. We're still waiting or that elusive BFP that sticks around, but we're still hoping. There's someone else on these boards that used this technique with a known donor and got a BFP first time.

The only thing to be aware of is the legal side of thing, as there is no legal protection against a known door claiming paternity further down the line. We have a contract with our donor that clearly states the intentions from both sides, but it isn't legally binding. You really have to be able to trust and trust some more with this route, but if you can find someone that you do feel able to trust that much then go for it! 

Best wishes,

Gina.


----------



## hh6134 (Jan 1, 2007)

Hi Snagglepot and Sally, 

I am using a known donor, who I met online,,  I met up with him a few times in order to feel totaly comfortable with him, I trusted him more or less straight away which is probably niave of me,  but my donor made me feel very comfortable and he knew procedure,  He has donated before to two couples and and donated for me one which did not work this time, 

I have also got a contract written up. I initionally went to seek legal advice on this but I was told me there is no such legal binding document, however the contract I have makes it clear what we both want out of the donor procedure, and if you are open and honest with your donor from the start you can actually become good friends,

My son was concieved with the help of a donor 8 years ago and he and I are good friends, he has no input in my son's life but we maintained the contact purely for my son' sake.

There are some weird folk out there who do it for the wrong reasons so always go with you gut feeling, its worked for me.

HH6134 xx


----------



## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

We used a known donor that we met through free-sperm-donations-worldwide and I'm now 6 weeks pregnant!!!

This method worked for us and we have no regrets at all.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Rach x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I used a known donor (a dear friend) through a clinic and we managed to get pregnant on the first attempt but I then m/c'd.  Planning to start another IVF/ICSI next week!  Like the other girls have described we did home inseminations, but after 4 months moved onto the clinic.

L xx


----------



## Chenoa (Jan 30, 2007)

Just found out I'm pregnant!   

Second attempt, self insemination, donor found at free sperm donations worldwide.


----------



## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

That's great Chenoa - congratulations!

As it was, I got a BFP the day after I posted my reply to you and am now 14 weeks pregnant. I guess we're living proof that this route can work for those of us it feels right for. 

Wishing you all the best for the months ahead.

Gina.


----------



## Chenoa (Jan 30, 2007)

Hello Snagglepat,  Congratulations to you too. I'm so pleased for you.

    We had been trying for 6 years. Our only hope was ICSI or a donor.
    Our local health authority have no funds for any fertility treatment.
    Our donor is a lovely man, who has helped 3 other couples and has a daughter with his ex partner who is the apple of his eye. He put us in contact with the other couples, who all sang his praises. He travelled miles to get to us. We used an ovulation kit to make sure the time was right. Success on the second month!

Keep me posted...as I will you 

Rebecca


----------



## beckyb (Feb 27, 2007)

Hi there

hope I can butt in, I usually post on the NOA thread as we are still undergoing investigations for my DP's infertility.

Yesterday we received a telephone call from is brother saying that if we had to go the donor route he was more then happy to help us.  for us both we feel that this is the best route for us as at least a baby would still be genetically linked to DP .  but then again  it also opens up a whole minefield of questions.

my concerns are:

1)  from my health point of view I would still need to know that he was 'ok',  what tests would we need to get carried out ie  hiv, hep c, std's etc?

2)  I presume from what Ive read that if you do a home insemination then all the legal rights dont apply.

3)  how would we do it, obviously have heard of 'turkey baster' but i'm sure that using one isn't the best way . is it?



This is still in early stages as he & his wife have just got married and are hoping to try for a baby themselves,  so we all have a lot to talk about,  but I just wanted to find out a little bit before we went to speak to them about it.

thanks 

Becky


----------



## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi guys

Just thought you might be interested in knowing the legal position if you switch from an unknown to a known donor, as it can make a crucial difference.  

If you are home inseminating, a known donor will be the legal father of your child, regardless of your situation.  He won't have parental responsibility unless you name him on the birth certificate, but he can apply for it and can be pursued for financial contribution to your child's upbringing.  If you are a straight couple, it means that the intended father (i.e. your husband/ boyfriend) won't have any parental rights and can't be named on the birth certificate - he won't be your child's father, legally speaking.  If you are a lesbian couple, the non-birth mother can't be named on the birth certificate anyway, but is similarly left without parental rights.  The only conclusive way of fixing the situation is to apply for an adoption order, which will both extinguish the donor's rights and give them to the non-genetic parent, but that's quite a lengthy and involved process.

If you are using a known donor through a clinic, you are more likely to get an exclusion of the donor's legal paternity, but the legal position can  be quite complicated.  To summarise:

*  If you are an opposite sex couple (married or unmarried) having treatment together, the donor will not be the legal father of your child.  Husband/ boyfriend can be named on the birth certificate and will be the legal father for all purposes.

* If you are a single woman or a lesbian couple, there is no alternative father to displace the donor's rights, and that makes his legal position much less clear.  All depends on whether you are having treatment 'together' with the donor in a 'joint venture'.  If you want to exclude his legal rights, you need to be clear that he is to have no ongoing involvement with your child - signing a statutory declaration to that effect is probably a good idea.

I hope that's of help.  Feel free to email or PM me or post a query on the Ask a Lawyer page if you want to know any more.

Natalie
[email protected]


----------

