# Brummiemill's journey....



## Jacks girl

Hallo all

This week we have made the exciting step of enquiring about adoption and have completed our initial checks, questionnaire etc. Our info event is on the 18th March but hubster and I decided this was the way forward after a year of coming to terms with not pursuing tx due to our poor prognosis.

Hopefully its onwards and upwards from here and a LO or two as a sibling for DS!

Best of British

Brummie x


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations on taking the first steps.


----------



## flickJ

Good luck on your jouney Brummiemill,   hope it all goes well for you


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks ladies    xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Welcome again good luck for your open evening we really enjoyed ours. We went to 2 and there was such a difference in the vibe. It really helped us find the right one. Don't be afraid to talk to more than one agency - I didn't realise for a while that you could choose I thought you had to go with the LA you lived in.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Thanks Gwyneth27 and thanks for replying to me on other thread  Good advice, thank you. Have subscribed to BMP online. We had a look on there last night. Been on EBay today and ordered some books so we can start reading up as a family. Some great stuff on the threads on here, which am going to start doing like the ideas for home study. I know we have a fair way to go first but hubster said research can only help not hurt. 

Been thinking of looking at Barnados and registering with them and some other charities who arrange adoption. My question is would we need to go through the process more than once if we put details with more than one organisation. 

Thanks in advance. 

 Brummie xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

A lot of agencies do open evenings which is a good way to get a feel for them. We talked to staff at both of ours (we live rurally so not as much choice as others). You can make initial inquiries and go through initial screening with as many agencies as you want. However once you formally apply to adopt with them and start home study you have to commit to one. That is when they start investing a lot of money in you so have to stick with them. 

They will ask if you have talked to other agencies this is so they can just check with each other that you haven't been turned down by someone for a serious reason e.g. child related criminal record etc. x


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Gwyneth27  I have noticed from your diary we are both members of the same profession.  

Today I have been pondering affording adoption leave as I am the main bread winner but hubby wants me to be the main care giver after we adopt. He has applied for a better paid job here is hoping he can find one before we near the end of the process. The job he works in at the moment is averagely paid and there isn't much call for him to work overtime.

Been reading Boggy's tips for HS and as a result, requested some CPD through work on Attachment Disorder. I teach someone with it so it will benefit my professional practice and our case as would-be adopters.

How are you doing?

xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck with your journey honey xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Emma1605  xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi hun I have left teaching. Handed my notice in for Christmas. I knew that they wouldn't give me time off for prep etc so I would have had to choose an agency that did a course during my holster. And wait till the hols to do it. Also I was always working  60 - 80 hours a week. DH earns far more than me so I was always going to be at home when we had a family. I can honestly say its the best thing I've ever done. I can meet friends and family at weekends and have time to read books etc. I don't deal with constant nagging and feel pressured and miserable all the time. I still work in schools just more pastoral now secondary not primary. X


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Gwyneth

Aw that sounds ideal. I have started to resent the profession not because of the kids or other staff but because of the constant attack by the govt on us as a body. I long for the day I can slow down and go part time lol. Only trouble is have got myself into a spot of bother with what I earn. Hoping my LA are going to give me time off for prep. 

How's it all going for you at mo? Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I'm good at the moment thanks. I was like you fed up with constant criticism from a million angles  . We've always taken care to not get reliant on my salary. Down side is DH works crazy hours to make sure he makes enough to fund us but I am very grateful. 

15 weeks on Wednesday I start prep just hoping time starts to fly x


----------



## Jacks girl

Yay  hopefully the weeks fly by for you! Our books have all been dispatched today so looking forward to having reading to keep me busy till Info evening  xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I know just try not to overwhelm yourself like I did last week. Give yourself time to think and absorb information. x


----------



## Jacks girl

gwyneth27 said:


> I know just try not to overwhelm yourself like I did last week. Give yourself time to think and absorb information. x


Good advice huni xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Just an update adoption info evening tomorrow night at  local football club! Then discussion with DH, then whether or not we move forward. After all the research we have done we still feel its right for us and we just have both got institution it's the right path in our future as a family. Wider network is on board i.e. families and friends but my question is when should I tell my boss. I am management in a school working with SEN children. We are currently pushing the school to a "Good" grading across all areas after a disappointing OFSTED and I don't want to stress my boss out too early! Xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Intuition lol stupid predictive text!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think don't tell  boss till you need to for reference or time off. Pregnant people don tell bosses the day they find out and they then have 8 months till they are off. Realistically adoption will take longer so no  need to worry at this early stage.  If 5 / 6 months warning  enough to prepare for mat leave its enough for adoption leave too  xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Gwyneth how's things with you?  xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Really good thanks.  I'm starting to feel really positive and excited.  Then I get scared that I'm tempting fate and everything will go wrong.  Otherwise just counting the weeks till prep 12 and a  bit now x


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Really good info evening. Very relaxed. Felt it answered all our questions. We left after the presentation as it pretty much rang true of what we had read in our research. Hubster agrees as I do it's definitely for us so we are going ahead. My friend who was babysitting asked about our LA typical assessment period till panel and when I said how long (six to eight months start to finish) she said look on bright side it's like pregnancy but without the crappy hormones and weight gain. I have to agree. While a part of me thinks pregnancy is amazing experience the other part of me thinks amazing children at the end of it with just as much hard work preparing albeit in a different way. I am looking forward to keeping a diary of this process as I hope it helps someone one day but also so I can look back on the memories of the process. 

I think that really struck me tonight listening to the adoptive parents who took on the sibling group of three. In fact, listening to them really made me determined a sibling group is right for us and DS wants to be the eldest of three. He has been great talking about the while thing and reading the info book we bought specially for him. 

I feel really positive and good about the whole thing. I am looking forward to the prep and the study. The adoption team are lovely approachable people. 

Sending good vibes to all


----------



## Jacks girl

gwyneth27 said:


> Really good thanks. I'm starting to feel really positive and excited. Then I get scared that I'm tempting fate and everything will go wrong. Otherwise just counting the weeks till prep 12 and a bit now x


I must admit tonight my two main worries were the dogs who are lovely but dopey being a factor and also, the ex and his reaction to it all. I think the worry though makes us try really hard and its that which goes in our favour. Stay positive huni xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Waiting is the hardest part....I would just love a date for initial visit not had one yet - the trick it strikes me in this process is to have the next milestone to focus on. How TTC and then deciding on TX or not,, then moving onto either treatment and/or then onto adoption does not drive us all   I don't know. I guess it makes us stronger.  Oh well off to Spain next week   hopefully clear my head of everything - work etc and spend time with DH and DS. 

Today is a I would love a glass of vin rouge night but I have a strict no drink in the week rule and I have a strict rule on how many units I have a week rule. 

I hope everyone else is ok   xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Update 18 months on and we are approved but not linked...looking back at how long ago since I last posted in my adoption diary really makes me think we have been very committed to the process. It also makes me reflect on whether or not in 18 months we will ever have a link.


----------



## Jacks girl

Well my last post left us wondering if we would ever be placed.....well me of last year I have come back to tell you we are going to be placed with a beautiful and very special LO of school starting age. We are almost there and are hoping to have her home by mid-Autumn. It's a very exciting time for all of us and at last some very good news in what has been a difficult year xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news congratulations xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks huni - been a long time coming  xx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations jacks girl. Amazing news     xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Brilliant news xx


----------

