# Facing abrick wall



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

I am a 40 year old single woman who is absolutely DESPERATE to have a baby. I've been wanting a child since I turned 30 and my search for Mr Right, has fallen flat. Now at 40, I fell I can no longer wait for that elusive Mr Right to come along, if he ever does, so I am looking to self-fund and use the IUI path. However, despite not drinking or smoking and being pretty healthy, I am overweight. I never thought this was a problem as even though I knew NHS patients had to have a bmi of 30 or lower, I foolishly thought that self-funded/private patients were excluded from this. I just found out today, that for self-funded patients the bmi limit is 35. My bmi is 40. I am devastated. I've been trying to ring round as many fertility clinics as I can think of to see of any of them will accept a private patient with a bmi of 40 and so far, no luck. I've struggled with my weight my entire adult life and I just cannot believe that my only chance of being a mum is slipping through my fingers!! can anyone offer any advice, please? Am totally desperate!


----------



## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Mrs Moorhen

Welcome to FF!

I'm sorry I cant tell you about a clinic that will accept a higher BMI but as a person who also  struggles with weightloss i can offer you my advice on how to lose some of it!

I would like to preface this by telling you that I have lost a stone and a quarter in the last 6 weeks.

Apologies if you know any or all of the following!

If you have had a history of struggling with your wight perhaps you could consider approaching your doctor for further tests.

I found, through my further tests, that I have an underactive thyroid and I am borderline PCOS, I am now on Thyroxine and Metformin and they have helped me to lose my weight!

I eat every two hours, just something small to get my metabolism going to burn up some fat once my body has finished working on the food!

I use the app My Fitness Planner which records all of your exercise and the food you eat letting you know how many more calories you have left to consume!

I also use another App called Map My Walk it records how many calories you burn when you are out walking or running or cycling.

I know it seems impossible to lose weight especially if you have found it hard in the past but i have def found that I have a new motivation! I really really really want to have a baby and when i am exhausted on the exercise bike or want a chocolate bar i think which do i want more to give up or eat that or to have a baby!

I'm not naive i know that it still may not work but I have to give it my all and part of that is losing the weight not just to qualify for treatment but to make the chances of it working better.

I hope some of this has helped and again I apologise if you know about it already or have tried these things! 

Pudding
x


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i can't help you with the weight loss part, but i will say, don't get completely knocked sideways by the age thing. Women tend to be made to feel like reaching 40 really is a brick wall, some kind of solid impassable fortress where everything just goes south and there's nothing to be done. But i only started IVF at 41, and Mr Kicky is hopefully joining me in the outside world in under 2 weeks. It is terrifying, but take one day at a time. If you allow the age panic to floor you you won't manage to lose the weight, so you have to start believing now that in say, a years time, everything could be in place. It's no good at all trying to get from a BMI of 40 to a BMI of 29 in a fortnight, not without sawing off a leg or something. Weight loss will take time. So try and get a strategy in place that will allow you to plan... 

if you do get, no, sorry, WHEN you do get your weight down, it ought not to be too late for your own eggs, but it might be worth exploring your feelings regarding donor eggs as you go along, because for some people it does turn out to be the solution. I'm not saying 'think about it right now' but, IUI or IVF aren't a magic wand and even after you start treatment it can take a bit of time. In the event you are 46, 47 and still trying, you might need to look at donor eggs/embryos to improve your chance of being a mum. In any event, start saving, because the whole self-fund thing isn't cheap (we paid for three private ICSI cycles) and every little in the piggy bank helps. 

GOOD LUCK!!!


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

Hi Mrs Moorhen, in my area NHS will accept you only is your BMI is under 29 (not 35), but many private clinics will accept you even if your BMI is over 40, they will just tell you that a pregancy might be much more difficult is you are overweight. I would ask your GP for help about the weight loss (I discovered I have insuline resitance and Hashimoto's and that's why I kept putting on weight despite being always on a diet), and I would email all the clinics you might want to have treatment with asking if they have a BMI limit. Best of luck!


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

thank you ever so much for your help and support. No, it's daft of me but I just didn't realise what a crucial thing BMI is, try finding any information on it on the **** website and you might as well be fishing for gold! You'd imagine something so fundamentally crucial would be plastered up all over the place. I will definitely continue trying to lose weight, but going from a BMI of 40 to 35 or under seems almost impossible and if I do manage it, will certainly take me years to do, which pushes my age on and reduces my chances of conceiving yet again. I'm still hoping that one clinic will take me on at my current weight, but I think the chances are slim.  

Many thanks though. xx


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

Thanks Mario, yes, I know NHS patients have to have a low BMI, but as I'm single I'd have to self-fund anyway, so for self-funded/private patients the BMI is raised to 35. So far all the private clinics I have contacted still have a 35 BMI limit, I'm desperately emailing around to see if any will take me and my 40 BMI on. Thank you though, that's encouraging if you think some private clinics will accept more overweight patients...a little hope is much appreciated.

As for test, yeap, had blood tests a while ago, no thyroid probs apparently, just have always been big as an adult and can never seem to shift it. Will keep trying though, cheers.


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

the thing is it's not just them being awkward and saying no, it's about the chances of it working and you coping with the pregnancy. If you _think_ something is impossible, it is. The only choice is give up or believe you can do it.  you do have time to get there, but it takes you believing in it.


----------



## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

MrsMoorhen

I know we arent supposed to ask such questions but how much weight will you actually have to lose?

Like I said I have lost a stone and a quarter in 6 weeks, and i still have the odd treat, I have just changed what those treats are!

How much exercise do you do?

I have a home gym and so after i walk my dog for an hour or so i hot the gym for an hour, I'm lucky as I work from home so i have the flexibility to do this but i have found that if you want something enough you can find the time!  

Pudding
x


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

A lady that cycled with me at GCRM had a BMI over 40, so you might ask them  and also Gennet in Prague would accept you (this lady had her second cycle there and is now 30 weeks pregnat).


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

Thanks Goldbunny, well I've stopped crying for now, was just a huge shock this morning. I'd already booked up to go to an open evening next Thursday and was just phoning to ask about blood tests when the BMI bomb dropped! But you're right, I won't give up. If worst comes to worst, and no clinic will take me on, then I'll just have to go to Denmark! Cheers.


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

My BMI is 40, same as my age! It had been higher, but I've been trying to lose weight anyway. Going abroad is obviously a last resort, but if no private clinic will take me, then I've have to.


----------



## agate (Nov 14, 2008)

serum athens take patients with bmi of 40 and lots of women on FF think they are a REALLY FAB clinic and better than most in the UK


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

GCRM is in Scotland:
http://www.gcrm.co.uk/
and N. Ireland:
http://www.gcrmbelfast.com/

Have a look at Serum (Greece) too:
http://www.serum-ivf.com/

And Gennet (CZ):
http://www.gennet.cz/

Do not give up!


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

agate said:


> serum athens take patients with bmi of 40 and lots of women on FF think they are a REALLY FAB clinic and better than most in the UK


I so agree! I wish I'd found Serum sooner.  The treatment there is fab!


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

The annoying thing is that apart from being overweight, BMI 40, I'm actually very fit and healthy. Never smoke, never drink, no illnesses, walk everyday, regular periods, no fertility probs that I know of etc. I understand NHS treatments having to be selective, but really thought that self-funded private clinics wouldn't have BMI limits. Still emailing and phoning around and hoping someone will take me on, otherwise, it will have to be abroad.


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

Abroad can even be cheaper than having treatment in the UK.


----------



## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

I wish you good luck with however you decide to proceed!

Pudding
x


----------



## agate (Nov 14, 2008)

You'll probably get a more caring and personalised experience abroad. Tx in the UK can leave you feeling like just another number unless you get really lucky.


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi Mrs Moorhen,

If you ovulate and have patent tubes, and are simply looking for assistance conceiving because you are single, there shouldn't be any reason why you would have to have IUI, why not just AI with donor sperm? 

This would be much cheaper, can be done in privacy on your own terms & no need to be dependent on meeting a clinic's rules.

B xxx


----------



## MrsMoorhen (Apr 3, 2014)

A HUGE thank you to everyone for all your kind words and support. After my initial flood of tears, I collected myself and decide to put a sledgehammer to that wall. I went to the Open Evening at Bristol BCRM, and was again told in no certain terms that I was too fat. They have good rates of success and that means being selective in who they treat I guess, but they didn't even want to discuss my options. I was even ushered away from the other clients and put into a side room where I had to wait for someone to talk to me. It was all very demoralising and they were nothing but negative. But strangely enough, it lit a fore under me. The very next day I emailed a load of other fertility places and the only one who got back to me, was the London's Women Clinic (LWC) in Cardiff. They couldn't have been nicer. I was totally upfront about my age and BMI and they were at least willing to see me and discuss my options.
I went there three weeks ago and had an AMH blood test done. They discussed that they did want me to continue losing weight to get down to 35, but at least they treated me like a human being. I have since worked my **** off and have lost over 1 stone and now have a BMI of 39 nearly 38, so I'm getting there.
I went back to LWC today for my antral follicle count and the results of my AMH. I have 10 follicles and an AMH of 14.88 which is apparently good for a 40yr old woman? I have no idea what the norm for my age is, but anything that is positive, I'll take. So, at least I now feel that that brick wall is achievable. Where Bristol wouldn't even give me the time of day, Cardiff have been magnificent. I'm to continue losing weight and the moment I'm near to my BMI 35 target, I'm to call them so the ball can start rolling with the rest of the tests and the IVF treatment I'm going to go for.
Thank you SOOOOO much to everyone who helped me through a very difficult time. I know the whole process is going to be very fraught and stressful, and I as 40yr overweight single woman I have many challenges ahead, but having doors slammed in my face before I even started felt like the sky had fallen in. SO desperate to be a mum, thank you all, you've got me that little bit closer!


----------



## Charlotte022 (May 14, 2012)

I'm only 24 so younger than you but my BMI is slightly higher than yours & CRGW in llantrisant took me with out question I'm on my second cycle there but with a different partner, they are absolutely amazing people there x


----------



## Talkingfrog (Apr 17, 2014)

Mrs moorhen - congratulations on losing the weight you have done - stay focused and you will get there soon.  I went to an open evening at LWC Cardiff and CRGW and like Charlotte chose CRGW, but would have been happy with LWC too.  A friend of mine had an ICSI cycle with LWC a few years ago and got on well with them.  I think her BMI was in the 30s (she could not get it low enough for NHS  cycle) - she now has a lovely little girl after her first go.  Good luck with everything.


----------

