# Intros come to a stop



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hey ladies

Well things have come to a stop today which is day 8 of intros as bm had put an appeal to the high court and her case is going to be heard so legally we can no longer see lo whose was supposed to move in yesterday (Thursday) I can't believe our sw has let this happen and as usual is on leave and hasn't made contact with us to see how we are (not that she is very compassionate anyway) so now we are left feeling devistated and not knowing when the case will be in court and again in limbo.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Oh my goodness this is so heartbreaking and should never be allowed to happen, you poor poor things   Have you the support of placing authority's legal team? Screw your SW, I would be going straight to management on both sides, however I am aware it is gone 5 o'clock on a Friday.... So very unfair. Have you been given timescales? Poor little one, surely this is not in the child's best interests?!


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

That's the most frustrating bit we have no clue of a time scale and so can't really make any decisions, it is heartbreaking as lo was making such good signs of attaching to us fc couldn't believe how well it was going and lo would look for us and not fc so much. We were only offered a phone call on Monday from the lady on the legal team no other support, it's a total joke.


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Omg mumanddad this is devastating for not only you but lo also! How confusing for her to be told about her new mummy and daddy and preparing her for you to suddenly disappear! 
I really hope it's resolved speedily. Don't understand if she was supposed to have moved in yesterday how this happens today as once she's placed bm can't appeal so very lapse on la part!
Huge hugs to you, I hope you get some answers as a matter of urgency for you all.


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## liveinhope (Jan 8, 2008)

Just want to send my love and support to you.  How must it feel for your poor LO.  I really hope you get this sorted soon


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Becs40 we were told that bm was going to appeal a week before intros started by fc but sw assured us they hadn't received any paperwork and as bm has lied in the past sw decided we should carry on with the plan to start intros, so on Tuesday at our review sw then said bm had filed an appeal and lo couldn't move till the judge looked at the case and that was being done then, and we should get an answer Wednesday day before lo due to move but we didn't so on Thursday move day we were told take lo and all the stuff as if lo was moving in and if we got no answer from court we had to take lo back to fc,, which is what happened.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I don't know of timescales etc but as you are mid intros surely they have to fast track this? I know something similar happened to crazy spaniel and intros continued but obviously they were prolonged while everything was resolved. So they continued seeing LO, it may not be possible if this is to be dragged out for a while, but equally new mummy and daddy appearing and then suddenly leaving again is surely damaging for little one and future attachments to you when, fingers crossed, intros resume again. I would be having stern words and looking at it all through the eyes of little one as its their duty to act in their best interests. So upset for you all xxx


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Lolly- we were told today that legally intros have to stop as the PO is in dispute and we can't see lo again until it's cleared court, God only knows what lo is making of all this, lo has been over to ours then back to fc the last 3 days as fc can't come to ours for safety risk from bm.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I know systems have changed and the scenario I was talking about was over two years ago.... But I still maintain this is still so wrong, birth families have more rights than anyone, even the innocent babies at the centre of this mess. I think it's disgusting you have no support until a rubbish phone call on Monday too. Raging for you lovely xxx


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thanks lolly means a lot to hear from everyone, bm has run this whole process and not sw, it's crazy her case is even being entertained, this is lo number 5 in care and like you say bf still have all the rights what sort of system is this.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Our little one is number 5 too and while we didn't go through anything as awful as this, BM did appeal adoption order. It broke me for a few weeks but all was well.... Really hoping this mess is sorted quickly so LO can come home very soon


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## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

Just a thought but have you considered contacting SW legal department direct and asking them to provide info re time scales - some are really helpful and the worst they can do is say they can't give you any info. Knowing what your going through might help them put the pressure on a little with the Court. At least you can get info first hand instead of waiting for your SW who isn't being helpful or supportive.Good luck and hope this is over quickly for you and LO x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

As lolly says this did happen to us, intros continued whilst bm was given time to prepare her case ...
Seems very strange that is now 'illegal' for you to continue. Intros were scaled down but everyone felt it was important that we maintained daily contact with lo. I think court date took about 3 weeks, appeal was turned down and lo moved in the same day.
I would be on the phone tomorrow to the duty team your sw manager should be getting involved if sw is on leave.
The needs of lo, you and your birth children need to be considered.
Good luck


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

I just wanted to say how very sad for you. I also see you have birth children, how will you explain to them? I truly hope this gets sorted quickly. Sounds like your SW isn't the best. Wherever she is she has an obligation to you. 

Look after yourselves and I do hope to see some good news from you in the near future.

It is no wonder these kids are so traumatised with this process. It is SO unfair in them 

Hugs
Xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hope it was ok to throw your name into the mix crazy spaniel   Hadn't seen you had birth children too, I'm now even more furious! Big big hugs xxx


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

I am so sad to read this lovely.  It's absurd.  I would be making my feelings known to the out of hours people.  They have left you dangling and lo.  It's really hard especially over a weekend.  Adoption uk and adoption link might have some info.  I know adoption link have practitioners that do respond with some good info, so might be worth getting some additional answers/general information before you get to speak to sw on Monday.

So hope this is resolved quickly and goes your way.  There is a lo at the heart of this xx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Simply heartbreaking for you all - am so angry for you - just hope they get it sorted ASAP. 
Kiz  x


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

So sorry to hear this is happening to you all. Hope you get to speak to someone helpful today. Sending love xxx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

I can't believe this has been allowed to happen  . How on earth can any of the professionals think this is in yours or little one's best interests? I would have thought prolonging intros is the answer not stopping them as it is a very steep hurdle BM will have to scale at this stage and then get over before there will be the slightest chance of her being successful. I know it's easy for us to offer suggestions when we aren't the ones going through the nightmare, but if it was me, I think I'd go down to placing la for when they open on Monday morning and insist that i speak to someone who can explain why this was allowed to happen and what the timescales are. I would have thought the court will expedite any hearing because of the fact you were at the end of intros. As has been said, adoption uk and or adoption link are also good places for advice or try ringing a solicitor on Monday who is on the children's panel as they will have the expertise to know the procedure and timescales - it might be worth having a look whether any in your area work out of hours and weekends. I can't imagine how you must be feeling - I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you all and really hope things are resolved very quickly and you can bring lo home xxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

This is awful.  

I personally would not be taking anything they said about what they legally can and can't do at face value - so much is interpretation.  Could you perhaps phone Adoption UK or CoramBAAF and get some advice about what is and isn't allowable pending the court decision?  I would be fighting for ongoing daily contact with LO - just because they say it's illegal doesn't mean it is definitely is in 100% of cases, it could be that they've just been given poor advice.

Good luck and go direct to senior management of your agency to ask for support.


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Just sending love and hopes this is dealt with urgently. Horrified. You've had good advice on pushing for different handling - it's amazing how the answers can sometimes change with a bit of challenge from the adopters it seems. 
I hope LO is with you v v soon.
Gettina


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

I wanted to send you hugs, I really hope that they sort this out quickly as this is so bad for you and your lo. They should still allow contact with lo as this is going to cause lo so much confusion. I can't believe they let intros start if there was any chance bm would contest.  Totally horrible for you all 

You are all in my thoughts xxx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

so sorry to read this


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Hope you get some answers today lovely X been thinking of you x


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thanks for all your support ladies, social workers manager is on her way to collect Los thing that we transferred during intros, hopefully she may have some news but on the phone this morning she said that info may come in in drabs and drabs over the week. 
Has anyone switched sw at this late stage?
Becky x x x


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

There is only one word for this - incompetence!


Surely matching panel also at blame for matching a child that is not yet totally freed for adoption. Really hope you can get this sorted soon, not fair on you or the lo at all.


Sending hugs xx


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## HCooper (Nov 2, 2015)

Thats really bad, By this stage they should have made it so the bm couldn't even go to court, not fair on the child at all. x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Any news mumanddad? 
Sadly it's not necessarily incompetence on LA's behalf more a legal system that allows a bp to challenge the decision until the child is actually in placement. It should be that they can only challenge to either a matching panel point or intro point otherwise this can just go on and on.


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Becs40 no news yet, the head of the family finding team came out to us yesterday to collect Los things and she said that the info might come in in drips and drabs over this week, the trouble is its just not good enough but because it's in the high court now there is nothing our la can do to speed it up. She had no answers as to how this was allowed to happen and is going to look in to it, but it's to little to late now, the pain our family is in is happening now and our bc are looking to us for answers which we just don't have.
Becky x x x x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Massive hugs, MumandDad.  I hope your family and friends are surrounding you in love at this time.


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## Tw1nk82 (Dec 5, 2012)

Ive just read this it is terrible. Sending you big hugs xxx


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

This is awful news we had our intros postponed due to BM yet again threatening to appeal LA gave her a deadline which she missed so we were then told intros could go ahead which they did but the threat was still hanging over us.  Now we researched all this and as far as we were aware it would cost approx £170 to lodge the papers for an appeal but to take it to the high court BF would need £6k now I may have this wrong so don't take my word for it.  The case should be given priority so that little ones future and yours is resolved as quickly as possible. 

If I were you I would be making a formal complaint as to why this has been allowed to happen at such a late stage how long had the PO been granted.

Sending you hugs

Moo


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Sorry you are going through this, I hope your support network are rallying round and looking after you. Thinking of you, your BC and your LO  

Xxx


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thanks again for all your support 

Moobags - PO was granted on the 21st of October and we were told bm had 14 days to appeal, but now it turns out it was 21 days and yet again we were miss informed by our sw.

Cloudy- I've kept everyone away at the moment because I can't talk about it to them I'm still in shock as to what has happened and not really sure how I feel other than numb. So for now chatting on here is getting me through and none of my friends have been through this and so they just send messages saying I don't know what to say, which is understandable.


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## Ozzycat (Mar 18, 2013)

Sending massive hugs mum and dad   
Xxx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

xx


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

OMG I can't bare this waiting for information it's driving me CRAZY,  I just can't believe we are being treated like this, still no news on when the appeal is going to be heard.
A week ago today was supposed to be the start of our new life as a family of 5 and instead we are in limbo


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm so very sorry you are in this awful limbo. 
I hope you get answers soon and LO is with you.
It's unbearable.
Xx


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## ♥Saila♥ (Mar 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry this has happened to you  xx


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

This is awful for everyone concerned. I really hope its resolved soon, you must be going insane with waiting for information!! I know I would be, I cant believe this was allowed to happen. Its just terrible   
x


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Really hoping things get sorted for you all this week xxx


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