# Waiting for third 3rd IVF cycle, should I turn down job opportunity?



## Laura11 (Apr 18, 2015)

Hi everyone, I am going a bit crazy trying to figure out what to do and would so appreciate any advice. We have have had one fresh and one frozen cycle both BFN, but are lucky enough to have one more fresh and one more frozen round funded on the NHS and are due to start the fresh one in September. I know it doesn't sound like many cycles but on top of 8 rounds of Clomid and 2 years previously trying naturally, with no obvious reason it's not worked (only diagnosed problem is lack of ovulation due to PCOS) we are mentally exhausted and are already thinking we will call it a day after our NHS funding and move on to adoption (which we've considered from the start and could be very happy with).

The complication now is that we are having a big restructure at work and I have the opportunity to move to a new role in a really exciting new area which would be fantastic for my career....starting in September. Or I can turn it down and take my chances on being given something else interesting where I am now, which is possible but uncertain. My instinct is to turn it down and focus all my energies on the IVF - the new role would be very demanding and long hours and taking time off for appointments etc right at the start would be very difficult, whereas I have a very understanding boss and lots of flexibility where I am now. But on the other hand I'll be gutted if it doesn't work again and I've let another career opportunity pass me by, it would make it even harder to take. Despite this I'm still leaning towards turning it down...but am I mad to do this when I have no idea whether the IVF will work? I keep being told that I have a good chance because of my age and good quality embryos on the last round...but I have still never had a BFP and don't really believe I ever will. 

Sorry for rambling, but any advice would be so appreciated. I think it's very hard for people not going through this process to offer advice, and this forum has been such a wonderful support to me during my last cycle which hit me quite hard. Thanks all xx


----------



## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Laura
Apologies first - I'm typing this one fingered on the iPad as baby snores in my other arm, so I will keep this shorter than I would have liked.

Ultimately of course this is your decision as only you know all that is involved at work.  My experience relates to a voluntary position (on top of work) but may still be of interest.

In December 2015 I was asked to be chairperson of a committee of a national organisation.  It was a huge honour, would have given me opportunities (and challenges) and would have been a great feather in my cap.  Having not put myself forward for years "just in case" I got pregnant, I accepted.  By that time I had been through 7 cycles with only an early miscarriage to show for it all.  I was due to start our final attempt in January but in my mind it would fail, it was simply another attempt to say we had done absolutely everything we could.

I'm now a big fan of Sod's Law   By getting on with my life, this was the cycle that finally gave us a baby.  I did step down from the position but there will be other chances and besides baby was more important.

My dad always says that things always work out.  It drives me mad most of the time but he is right.  If you get your bfp you can work out the job stuff then.  However as said only you know what is really involved and how you feel about your current job.  Good luck in your decision and more importantly good luck with your next attempt.
Turia x


----------



## peaandme (Oct 8, 2015)

Hi Laura. It's tough isn't it?! 

It sounds like the new job could be an exciting opportunity. Having said that, your mental health and wellbeing is more important than your career, or even becoming a parent. For example, have you given yourself time to grieve? If becoming a parent is where you want to focus your efforts then I would be inclined to stay put. You don't say that you're unhappy in your current job and having an understanding boss and flexibility is invaluable when going through IVF - those things in themselves can help to alleviate what is a very stressful period in your life. I've heard people say that you shouldn't put your life on hold because of IVF - clearly, they don't understand! We make sacrifices to go through this process; one that is full of uncertainty. I'm not sure how old you are but assuming you've got plenty of years left to work there is time to seek out and work towards other opportunities in the future. Perhaps you could make a list of the pros and cons of turning down the job (or taking it, whichever you prefer!) Sometimes it helps to see it in black and white. Good luck.


----------

