# It can get easier...



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi everyone

Ok, i have tried to type this message 3 times and keep losing it!!!!.....so here goes again....technology Argh!!!!  

I just thought I'd write and share some positivity with you all. Last night i went to my evening class. I spoke to a lady i had never met before. She told me that she has two children but doesn't want any more. Then she asked me the dreaded question, do i have any children? And for the first time *EVER* i said "No, i can't have children" and quickly followed up with "But it's OK" as i didn't want her to feel sorry for me! I was so proud of myself as normally i would have tried to gloss over the subject and mumbled something about "maybe one day". But i was just honest.... and you know what? I think it IS OK!!

I only have one life and i don't want to send it ashamed of who i am. I may be infertile but i have a lot of other great qualities as do all of you. I reckon we should be so proud of ourselves. We endure SO much heartache. More than most people could ever imagine. And yet we survive.....some days are OK and some days are so sad and yet we keep going...some how!!  I think this strength is something to be celebrated.

Hopefully being honest about my situation is the first step to accepting the cards i have been dealt. I know the pain of infertility will never go away but i hope it will be bearable so i can enjoy the other wonderful things life has to offer.

Lots of love
Florie xx


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Well done Florie    I still remember the first time i said it when someone asked me and I felt proud too along with a really big wave of relief, it kind of felt like i was letting go of a big secret i'd been keeping. 


You are right to feel VERY proud of yourself hon   


Amanda xx


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## Montagne (Nov 27, 2008)

Hi Florie

Thank you for your positive post - it was just what I needed to see when logging in tonight ;0) . It is a great feeling to be able to be honest and up front, well done.

S
X


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## maybe tomorrow (Jul 5, 2008)

Well Done Florie!!!  
I was faced with a similar situation a few weeks ago - I was asked if I had any children, and like you, I said no, unfortunately I cant have children... without feeling anger or sadness!!! I felt quite proud of myself for not feeling negative thoughts.  

A customer was in the Showroom at work a few weeks ago, and had young twins and an elder boy - one of the twins needs a kidney transplant and the elder boy was disabled and also needed a kidney transplant. She went on to say her sister had 4 babies one after the other, no problems at all and she felt like she had been dealt a bad hand... I felt for her so much, she must have so much pain and turmoil in her life... She asked if I had any, as I mentioned above. I actually felt quite fortunate with what I have been dealt after speaking to her and seeing her pain.  

A friend of mine came back into my life recently and has helped me with positive thinking, and boy, it helps. I am now able to turn any negative or down thoughts into positive happy ones. I am recovering from my operation now; its been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and deal with, mentally and physically - just as you have Florie, its so so hard, but we are strong and will get by.
 You have to be honest with yourself, and cope with what we have been sent, and make the most of the rest of our lives.... I am fortunate to have a wonderful boyfriend and he has his girls. We are looking forward to a holiday in July, just what we all need after a turbulent 5 months.

Sending you lots of love , and Im so pleased you are feeling better
KAren
xxxx


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Karen

Lovely to hear from you    i'm so glad you are feeling better after your op and feeling so positive. Well done for also being brave and being honest.....it isn't easy is it?! 

I know we ahve talked before about the possibility of me having a hysterectomy too and reading your post fills me with hope that i can bounce back from it too    thanks for your positivety   

If you get time can you drop me a PM with some of your friends tips on turning negativity into positive thoughts, would love to hear them   

Bet you can't wait for your holiday...lots of    

Love
Florie xx


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## maybe tomorrow (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Florie,
I most certainly will - do you have an email address, I can forward you something that I find tremendously helpful.
Last night me and DP went to see Faithless in Wolverhampton, met a couple who we just got chatting to - the FIRST thing she asked was "do you have children" then waffled on about her 3.... DP said he had 2 girls, I said "no, I cant have any, I had to have a hysterectomy 5  months ago"!!!! It was so easy....she said "oh, Im so sorry" - no problem anymore!!!!!   

Keep smiling lovie and PM me your email address
xxxxxx

P.s I swam a mile in 48 minutes this morning - Im chuffed to bits, and have lost 2lbs too!!!
  
xxx


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Yay!!      well done you, it's brill that lady didn't spoil your night, it shows how well you're doing . I'm glad you're well enough to swim, sounds like you're pretty speedy!

I'll PM you now 

Florie xx


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## Kazzz (Feb 20, 2008)

Hi Florie
Your post brought tears, you truly are a strong person.
I hope i have the courage and strength to tell the next person the true when they ask if i have children.
Kazzz


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Hi ladies, I have been on and off this board since 2006 but now this is my permanent home. To cut a long story short our IF is MF but as I have an underactive thyroid all fertility treatment seems to make me feel ill and after 5 attempts none have worked. We did have one more NHS cycle at the Chaucer in Canterbury in our hands but my thyroid decided to go severely underactive again. It was at this point that I realised I couldn't get my weight or thyroid levels back down in time for the appt so decided to turn it down. As I am 39, turning this down means I have said goodbye to anymore NHS treatment and I am certainly not paying for anymore.

So now the end is finally here and I am just getting used to the fact that I am never going to be a mum. Can't quite believe it. Now when people ask I won't be saying we are having fertility treatment but instead that we can't have children. I find myself thinking I am the only person with no children and feel like a social outcast but I am slowly trying to rebuild my life after being on this road for 8 years and looking forward rather than backwards. We are not rich so no big holidays for us but things like getting our house finished, thinking about doing an OU course next year etc. Be great to keep this thread going as we all seem to be at the same point and the same age   xxx


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Aww thanks Kazzz   i think we're all pretty strong on here!

Yamoona I'm sorry to hear about your difficult journey, you sound very strong despite all the heartache you have been through   I agree it would be great to keep this thread going...i think it's important to focus on the positives sometimes and not just on all our heartache. I look forward to chatting soon. 

I'll let you know if i tell anyone else!!   

Love
Florie xx


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