# Feeling overwhelmed anxious and exhausted mentally and physically



## ZC (Mar 14, 2016)

Will try to keep this short and hope that some of the info is helpful in that it will help some one prevent themselves from getting hurt.

Our first consult regarding infertility was with an Irish clinic - the big one. We paid them thousands for a batch of fertility tests that actually could have been done by our GP or elsewhere for very little. They swiped our credit card at every opportunity and fast tracked us to IVF. We were terrified. And ran a mile before we could do a cycle. In hindsight this may have been our only shot. As it was the start of our journey.

We moved to another smaller clinic who seemed much better. Little did we know they were only operating a short while and we paid them over 15K to help us. Inexperienced embryologist and a young team and they took on too many clients. I suffered terrible stress there and was left after a transfer when they forgot about us. They did 2 day transfer of low quality embryos a three day transfer of two ok embryos and a 5 day low quality blast. This would not happen in an experienced clinic. Every time they took the full amount up front. Always about the cash. Had discussions with them and the owner and after three rounds couldn't ever go back. GP care needed and support. 

Then we found a clinic in Prague. And wow what wonderful people. Sadly though after 2 years messing around with the other clinics changes of a normal embryo were slim but they tried really hard for us. They never once took payment in advance. They only ever took the payment for what they did. So if you didn't reach transfer they didn't ask for more money. Not that money is important but they were so honest and looked after us so well. They always had our best interest at heart. Superb embryologist and staff. It didn't work. But we had much better results. High quality blasts and frozen embryos. All down to their clinic and lab and experience with medication and so on. They can't control my age though. 

Now we are at DE stage and we moved to a clinic in Spain due to Spanish donors altruistic nature and reasons why they donate and for other factors. Again they never take tons of money they take deposit to cover each stage. Again very honest. Lab and embryologists and staff are all experience and honest. We know they will do their best for us. They almost cried when we shared our experience of our first clinic. When I look back I realise just how badly we were treated and terribly scammed as vulnerable people in a vulnerable situation.

But now I am exhausted, burnt out, afraid, anxious and we are in debt and broken. I feel so overwhelmed. I have support from my wonderful DH and I have been put on meds to help. My life revolves around this and I want to be free from it. How do you all cope? Especially those who have over 6 cycles behind them and nothing but debt and pain to show for it?

I find this a wonderful place to be but every day is difficult and now I feel that my time may have passed and I would really like for others 
not to have to go through similar. 

I would urge anyone who feels they are not getting support or answers from their clinic to stop ask and move on quickly if issues are not resolved.


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## Sasanach17 (Nov 17, 2017)

Wow, ZC. You've had a hell of a few years. I'm so sorry. 

I am still much earlier on the journey and find it all so hard and now have discovered that anxiety really is a thing! It frustrates me so much that living life and having kids seems so easy for some and then just a constant struggle for others (ie, us)... 

This might seems very simplistic but I found this little "workbook" called "How to be Happy (or at least a less sad)" by Lee Crutchley. I discovered it a few years ago when I realised I was going down a deep hole when I broke my leg and spent months and months laid up at home (DH and I had just moved to the UK, didn't have family or friends around so I turned into a right hermit) .... I've pulled it out again in recent weeks. It won't magically make you feel better, but it does help get you thinking about other stuff and get outside your own head (this is something I hugely struggle with, particularly late at night)... it's not expensive and certainly worth a shot...

You're in my thoughts, this stuff sucks.


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

I don't have any words of wisdom but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you have been through all that. What a terrible way to be treated.  It is frightening, stressful and heartbreaking enough to go through infertility when you are in the hands of a good clinic let alone when you are being treated so badly.  

sending big hugs. Xx


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## CopperBird (Jan 10, 2016)

Hi, I just wanted to add that although I haven't been through what you have with the clinics, I still feel the anxiety and frustration that infertility can bring and you don't need a clinic taking advantage when you're going through that.

The best thing I had was fertility counselling which I got from my clinic itself, the clinic I go to is part of the NHS hospital, we had to pay when our funding ran out but the costs were significantly cheaper than some others in my area. If you do decide to go any further I would see your GP and ask them to see if there is any counselling available to you. It really does help to speak to someone who understands infertility and never uses the phrase 'it just wasn't meant to be'!!

I still get frustrated thinking about the thousands we have spent so far. Lacking of treatment funding really is unfair and just causes added stress to an already stressful and intense process. Clinics should be more about helping people, not making a profit out of them.


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