# How can someone be so cruel?



## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

I like many have been through ALOT with regard's to infertility and have tried to find a positive in the most negative of situations.
I won't go over the infertility detail as it's in my signature.
But for the past 18mnths I have been the only one bringing in the money as my partner had a accident and injured his back.
Even though this put the next IVF cycle on hold we have carried on as best we could.

Well he is now going to be returning to work in September which mean's we can catch up on bill's etc, but most importantly we can "hopefully!" go for IVF next year     

So I have been a happy bunny for the past couple of day's .......that was until yesterday at work 
I don't trust many people and so when I told 2 people I trusted about the good new's , I was chuffed when they where pleased for me.
I then went on my break yesterday and sat with a woman who I know as a "one upper" ie/ if you've had a cold she's had flu....(you know the kind!)
I sat down with my cuppa and straight away she said "So is Brian still not at work?"
I thought right Jen just tell her.
So I said "Actually he's going back to work in September which mean's we will be able to try IVF again" 
Her response was "How old are you?" I told her....she said "Oh well I suppose you want to hurry up and do it at you're age before health kick's in etc"   
I took a second and said "Actually I disagree, it's not the age of a person, health or wealth that make's a good parent but the person!"
After that I had to hold it together for 4 more hours before I got home where I then went to bed and burst out crying. 
Is this how people really are? Do they not think if I could have had a baby sooner that I would?
How can people be so cruel?
Needless to say when I next see her I will not be sharing pleasantries!! 

There that's off my chest.....sorry for the "me" post but this is where I feel safe and not judged!
Thankyou.
Jen.x


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

I'm so sorry Jenni.  I have experienced this too, people are just down right rude & insensitive sometimes.  

We seem to have to fight everyone in our journey sometimes, from the system through to friends and colleagues.  Everyone feels like they can have  their say, as if it's something that we've chosen to do or as if we didn't know.

It can feel like ttc is a dirty secret, I have to keep it from my step family and my manager at works asks all of the women when they will be thinking about babies but has never once asked me.  I'm too old right, I have step kids, I can't possibly want my own.



It is fantastic news that your partner is feeling better and going back to work.  It is even better news that you will be able to start IVF.  We have to fund privately too and have absolutely no chance of saving for it because everything is accounted for and we only just make ends meet due to mortgages, child support for my step kids, travel etc.  It is really, really tough isn't it.  To me, all that matters is starting IVF now but I have to wait patiently in line behind everything else.  It gets you down and you don't need horrible people pointing out the obvious and being negative, you need love and support for being an amazing woman who is sacrificing your own needs to support others right now.

You have here, you have women that do understand and do feel for you, even if we are strangers xxxx


----------



## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Molly 
Thankyou for your reply hun. I honestly think I would have lost the plot if it wasn't for FF 

I'm sorry that you're going through the mill as well. I really do hope that thing's will work out for you soon 
It's hard to juggle finance's for the "practical" thing's when all you really want to do is put all your money and time into becoming a Mummy.
But we can't give up.....and we can't let "know it all's" win by getting us down..
I'm not really a person that cry's very often, I tend to try and stay strong but I must say that I think the cry that I had yesterday was not only for what was said but also for the frustration that I was feeling about the last years 
Thank's again for your kind word's Molly, stay positive hun we'll get there! 
Jen.x
p.s...God help that woman if she passes comment like that again!


----------



## Birdiepie (Sep 27, 2012)

I am 40 and as you can see have suffered MC's and failed IVF. Unless you have been there people don't understand and it seems 40 is like THE cut off point that you can have a happy healthy baby. We had decided to give up and be happy for what we had which was each other and our dogs so were shocked to get a natural BFP so it can and does happen. Being older doesn't mean I will be a worse parent but yes the statistics show that you are more likely to have a child with a disability but I work with disabled children, the vast majority of which have young parents so as far as I can see it is luck of the draw. 

When your DH goes back to work you will be able to move forward and make a plan. It is what makes you happy and not anyone else


----------



## Wish-on-a-star (Jul 29, 2013)

Hi Jenni

I'm sorry to hear the comments that have been made. I'm not surprised that someone feels they have the right to come out with such rubbish. I moved  just over 4 years ago so mixed with a new group of people and back then I was surprised just how rude & nosey some people were. At first I wanted to get involved with the group but I now find I hold everyone at arms length and have not told many people about ttc apart from my close family (not even DP family). I have only just found this site and have a feeling it may become a life line that I desperately need because I've been keeping everything in. I have just read another ladies story of being 49 (I think) and just got pregnant and I just thought WOW!!!!!!! That is amazing and I'm so happy for her and yet she's a complete stranger. Go back to being a happy bunny and being excited and I will hopefully read some good news from you soon.

Xx


----------



## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Birdie and Wish-on-a-star!
Thank you for your replies 
It is so frustrating that people think they have a "right" to pass comment or judgement about something that is so important to us.
And it's right what you say about us hearing of other people on here who get pregnant and we are happy for them but that's because we understand and we don't judge!

Birdie...Many many congratulation's hun!   

Wish-on-a-star....Welcome to FF..this place is really good for helping with advice, a chat, a rant! or when you're on a cycle you can join one of the "cycle buddies group's for support etc! 

Thank's again ladies and feel free to keep in touch! 
Jen.x


----------

