# May be helpful to all with BFN's.



## madison (May 6, 2005)

Hi all,

I didnt know where to put this cos so many of us look at different sections of this great site so I thought I would put it in a couple of places & if its not classed as being in the right place then it can be moved.

This morning I got a BFN in my second IVF/ICSI. I would just like to say that after my first I did lots of..... what if I had done.... What if I hadnt have done..... What if I had of eaten.... there were just So many

................ WHAT IF'S

I was bacically just beating myself up with them thinking I could have changed the outcome.. BLAMIMG MYSELF.. I know many of you women will be also so I just wanted you to know.....

This time I did this.

*ONE* I stopped smoking properly 2 mths before treatment,, NO nicotine replacements.

*TWO* Havent touched a drink in all that time also

*THREE* I had vit tablets.. Omega oil capsuels.. Extra vit C & Zinc

*FOUR* Drank pinapple juice & Ate Brazil nuts every day

*FIVE* Drank at least one pint of milk a day

*SIX* I stayed in bed for the first 4 days from ET & in the house for a week

*SEVEN* Had baby asprin every day from EC onwards

*NINE * Only had showers, no baths

*EIGHT* Anything else that would stop me having any ... what if's.

Basically I wanted you to know that this time I have a totally clear conscience & there are no what if's & I still got a BFN .... SO..... if you are filling your head with... what if's......... & blaming yourself for you negative result.... DONT its not your fault , if its supposed to be it will be, you couldnt change the outcome.

Good luck in the future Love & hugs Katy. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Good Post Katy

I couldn't agree with you more.  

love Nikki
xxxxxxx


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## helen1602 (Sep 27, 2005)

I agree too.  We all beat ourselves up so much about what we did or didn't do, but at the end of the day it just wasn't meant to be this time.  Everyone is different in how they deal with it, and somethimes people outside can seem very cruel, usually because they don't really understand what has happened to us, or they are just embarressed and don't know what to say.

I am going back to work today, first time since my BFN (4th cycle), and I am nervous of how I am going to deal with it, but life has to go on doesn't it.  I am so lucky as I have ds from my successful 3rd icsi.
Don't give up hope!

H


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Helen

Will be thinking of you today.  I found it very hard going back to work after my miscarriage in March.  In fact I left work just before I started IVF in May.  I know how you feel.  I don't work now - but I find that I am better in myself for that decision.

Sending you lots of hugs for today 

love
Nikki xxxx


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## helen1602 (Sep 27, 2005)

Thanks Nikki,

Work was okay.  Very hard going back, but got it over with today.  Went in late, and didn't do much, but glad I got the seeing everyone over with.  Boss and some others have been very supportive, but a few snidy comments from one because everyone was told I was off with stress.  I am glad I made the decision to have the time off as I needed to focus on the treatment.  I only work part time as I have a toddler, and I don't want to miss all his growing up.  I really admire you for makng the decision not to work for now - and I really hope that you get the baby you so deserve soon.

Keep in touch.  Helen


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## poopy (Oct 11, 2005)

know just how you feel katy just got a bfn for the 2nd time last week and its so very hard to understand why me!!!!!!!!!!!!got next tx in january and i carn't stand the waiting either this will be my 3rd go in 7months. just got to keep trying and thats all we can do.


love poopyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Helen

Thank you. 

love Nikkixxxx


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

hi Poopy,

I am hoping to try again in Jan also, I should find out at the end of next week to see if its possible.
We may be cycling together   

LOVE KATY . XXXXXXXXXXXX


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

BUMP !!!!


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## hevvy (May 15, 2005)

Thanks for bumping this up Katy - I am in same position, just had 2nd Bfn, but did so much to try and help it work, but no good this time.  Good luck with your 3rd attempt,

Heatherxxxx


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

Heather,

Thank you. 
    Sorry about your neg again. xxx  

I am starting stims on Wed if my scans ok tomorrow. I am even more nervous this time & its only 4 weeks away now till I could get my third BFN & im soooo scared.

Good luck in the summer. xxxxxxx

Katy


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## tootie (Jan 3, 2006)

hi katy

just stumbled across this thread now. thank you so much for your post. i think its just what i needed to hear as i am one of the 'guilty' ones constantly thinking about what if's and blaming myself for my first bfn.

good luck with yr cycle coming up. hope you and the rest of us get that bfp.

lots of love
tootie


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## beeble (Dec 28, 2005)

I just cannot tell you how much what you wrote has just helped me.

I have just (like 10 mins ago) had my first BFN after IUI (we tried for IVF but only 2 follicles). I have been beating myself up. I feel like framing what you said.

Good luck with your treatments. If it helps you, my clinic, the Lister, told me to live my life and get on with enjoying myself. Well, it cant hurt can it?

xxx


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## Anne_7 (Mar 20, 2005)

Just thought I'd bump up the page


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## Anne_7 (Mar 20, 2005)

My second BFN was the worse.  On my 4th tx started to MC while at work, went home half day, but came back the following day and continued like nothing had happend!! It was really hard to keep up a brave face. I was their in body, but not in mind I really should of stayed home as I was no use to anyone. 

Love, Anne X


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## Fidget (Jan 27, 2005)

So Katy..........

What did you do differently this time  

So so so so so pleased for you hunni, it warms my heart, you se deserve this  

Debs
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Gwendolyn (Oct 24, 2004)

This IS an excellent post.
We just did our 2nd full IVF cycle and I felt so awesome throughout it!  I felt strong...felt confident...felt relaxed...took 3 weeks off work....did acupuncture/acupressure...had counselling support...did my prayers....went to church more ....paid attention to a healthy diet and lifestyle.......reached out to friends/family more  than ever........but most importantly- really, really BELIEVED that this would be IT, just felt full of HOPE in my heart (and believe me- I am usually a very hard critique and cynic when it comes to ME....ask anyone!). 
I rationalized and intellectualized that the only challenge this time up was keeping the baby past 3 months (I became pregnant during our first IVF work-up and miscarried at 3 months).  There are no identified fertility issues with me...and the male factor issue was "erased" with the fact that we are using donor sperm ("top notch, screened sperm!").  We used the same donor as last time when I got pregnant.....the embryos harvested were rated better than the last time.....even had one for the freezer!  
AND IT RESULTED IN A BFN this week!  I guess it really doesn't matter!  There is a massive component that is inexplicable!  We feel completely stripped emotionally.  It's a crap-shoot!  I didn't think the pain we have felt over the last 4 plus years could get worse, get more RAW and CUTTING....and yet it really can.  WHat a deep drop this time.  I have no idea how to begin to recover from this...........and the biggest loss is my loss in BELIEVING things can turn around for us.
Thanks for this safe place, Gwendolyn


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## roo (Mar 14, 2005)

Hi 
This is a great post...
I've just been through 3rd ivf and didn't even get to the 2 week wait!  
This cycle here is what I did differently
-followed zita west to the letter and took all her supplements and vitamins
- ate 2 eggs per day and a pint of milk
- took protein powder
- no alcahol
- gave up smoking 4 months ago
- got early nights and took time off work during stimms

This time they only got 3 eggs , only 2 fertilised and then failed to divide, so no transfer. previous attempts were 12 and 7 eggs and some good quality embryo's..... but at least I know I did nothing wrong and I haven't been berating myself. I think my clinic have stuffed up by not checking my fsh level prior to cycle, I'm sure it is elevated judging by my response....
Anyway, just goes to show....
rooxx


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

Bump.


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