# Another set back. Help!



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hi all,
I really need some help on what to do. The lo we have been told about has not had her court plan decided yet we have had 2 delays as bm keeps finding family members to put forward, we went to a meeting last week and were told by our sw and lo sw that final court day was 7th August no more delays... Yet yesterday we received an email saying bm has found someone else and they are going to be assessed and court put back to 30th September. Has any one else been through this. Hubby thinks bm is running the whole process and we are caught up in it all, she has said she will never stop finding family members to be assessed. 

What do we do now? we have older children living at home and it's tough for them too.
Any help/advice would be great as I can't think straight.


----------



## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

That's really hard  
Personally I would go back to whoever you had the meeting with and ask why this has been allowed to happen again....
I'd you feel this LO is the right match then I would wait but not sure i would accept any more delays after that.
Good luck


----------



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thanks so much for your thoughts, our sw emailed us yesterday then never replied to us or answered her phone so I'm hoping to hear from her today, we feel lo is right but bm is a nightmare and we are now concerned she will never give up and try to find us.


----------



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Good advice from CS. Unfortunately the courts are also likely to allow this as they're under a lot more scrutiny from out with influences challenging the decisions to "break up families".

I'd be inclined to either wait if this is the right lo or go back to searching. In adoption land things will be as they're meant to be I believe (fate brought our perfect match together so I believe this is true).
X


----------



## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Hi mumanddad
I've sent you a pm.


----------



## Nieta (May 7, 2015)

What a frustrating and upsetting situation to be finding yourself in. It sounds like you want to stick with lo but it's very hard to be dragged along from court date to court date and deal with that uncertainty all the time. 

Unfortunately Gertie is right and courts have to keep assessing whoever BM throws at them. She certainly seems to be in charge at the moment. 

You need good support and advice from your sw to continue on this rollercoaster. I assume she knows how difficult this is for you? Maybe meet just with her to talk it over and be heard? It won't change the court saga but might give you a little extra strength and sanity to go on.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Really sorry this has happened, must be awful and heartbreaking   it happened to a really close friend of mine and their placement order date was pushed back three times. In the end it was all ok and hanging on was the right decision as he was meant to be their son. But at the time she was a mess   My social worker was horrified that they were linked prior to placement order as until this point even the most certain cases can be difficult for one reason and another. I've got everything crossed you can get this all sorted out for your family. I see this happening too often, it's not fair xxx


----------



## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

I'm going to be really honest with you...

If you're having doubts about the order being granted then walk away sooner rather than later. Courts are changing an they want children to live with their biological relatives as much as possible..

Our youngest was to be placed with us 6 months after eldest moved in, we had 3 battles with courts with birth parents constantly delaying which took us to hell and back. Because it was our sons sibling we stuck with it but only just, there was several times I was ready to give up because the stress was too much. 

What the courts are doing is really cruel but if they keep going then you're only going to get deeper, there was a lady on here who had an awful time of it with the PO overturned and intros halted because they just wouldn't stop contesting.

Good luck with everything and be kind to yourself throughout the process xxxx


----------



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thank you ladies for all your support 
shame our sw couldn't be as supportive all she has said is she can't answer any of our questions  
So I guess we just live in limbo until ??


----------



## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I think you can only make a decision when you know exactly what's what. I'd request a meeting with your sw's manager and find out exactly when final hearing is etc and see how you feel then.
I have to say it was the best thing we did, as soon as we went into that meeting everything changed, we were given way more information, a proper plan was put in place and everything just seemed so much clearer.
Good luck, I don't regret all the delays and setbacks with our lo at all. It really is true once they're here it all gets forgotten. That's not to say at the time that it wasn't  a living hell as it was and it really tests how strong you are emotionally.


----------

