# Not fitting anywhere



## Hello Kitty (Aug 9, 2010)

Hi there
I signed up yesterday. I have been posting on another forum for years, but recently have felt like I can't really be myself there as I am one of the few people in my position. I am 39 years old and have a lovely five and a half year old daughter (conceived the first month of trying). We have been TTC number 2 since Sep 2008 with no joy. I have had some very superficial tests, but any testing on me stopped when they got the results of DH's SA. They came back pretty low, just 1 million. He was referred to an Andrologist who ran further tests and scans which came back with similar results but also that he only has one kidney.
He did suggest that our only option would be IVF but that our chances of conception would be low (5%) given our ages too, DH is now 42.
I am just at a loss really. In the two years that we have been trying, it has seemed like the world and his wife has got pregnant and I am now in the situation that two close friends that started TTC at the same time as me this time are now pregnant with their second babies.

I feel really happy for everyone who is having babies etc but at the same time I feel so lonely. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. I can't talk to DH as he is blaming himself as it is. I can't talk to friends as they don't get why I am upset.

Me and DH have decided just to keep on trying but I feel despair most of the time. DD keeps on taling about us having a brother or sister for her.

Sorry this is a bit of a rant!


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## Gypsy Moon (Feb 20, 2010)

Hi,


Didn't want to read and run.


I know how you are feeling.  I have been trying to conceive for a while now.  I suffered a miscarriage in August 2007 and I am now in the 2ww period after our first ICSI attempt.


It doesn't seem fair that some just have to look at their DH and they fall pregnant.  But it's just one of those things.  I am sure our time will come.


This is a good forum - you'll make a lot of friends here.


Take care,
Gypsy Moon
xxxx


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## Hello Kitty (Aug 9, 2010)

Ah thanks for replying. I really wish you lots of luck


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

hello kitty - welcome to the board honey    secondary infertility is hard as not many people recoginse it well thats what ive found i dont know how many times ive been told to be greatful for what i have as if im not i hope that you find these boards supportive and i wish you all the luck in the world with your ttc have you decided on wether or not to have ivf another thing you could consider is using a donor egg the sucess rate would be alot higher that way 

if you need anything feel free to pm me


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## Dannii_Doots (Jun 11, 2010)

hello  
omg you ladies could be talking about me lol 
it's like nobody understands unless they've been there which is why im so gratefull for ff
lots of luck on your journeys girls xx


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## Rockchick71 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hi Ladies

Yes, I agree so much about secondary infertility.

Hello Kitty- OMG- I can't believe how your situation is so much like mine!  I am also 39, DH is 37, we have a DD who is 5 yrs + 8 mths old concieved after 1 mth of trying. We have been trying for nearly 4 yrs, but no luck at all. 5 failed iui's + 1 icsi cancelled cos I never responded on very high dose. They told me DE only option with a 9-12 mth waiting list. I also have low AMH. But in the very beginning they thought problem was with DH, because his SA have been showing variable results.
          Anyway, earlier this year on FF I was looking at clinics abroad + 1 kept on being mentioned over + over again. So, I contacted the lady there - Penny - Serum clinic in Athens + we had a chat. She advised me to test for chlamydia in period tissue with them, which I did + was neg. Then she advised a hysteroscopy, which I had in June in Athens. I had a polyp removed which wouldn't have caused a problem but, they also found a large septum which they removed, did a mild d+c + also implantation sites. Penny said my septum would have been giving me the problems + our DD was very lucky to have implanted. At that time she was quite confident that we'd conceive naturally.
          To bring things up to date, I'm very negative about things happening naturally + we are planning to return in September for a natural OE cycle using low stimms. I dont want to waste any more time. I feel I owe it to myself to see what my eggs are like, but if this fails, I will move on to DE asap. There are no waiting lists there.
          I face the same questions from my DD, she can't walk past a pram or small child. It is truly heartbreaking. She sobbed this morning when she knew she wasn't seeing her cousins today. She is desperate for a sibling. This gets me down + upsets me so much  . One of her schoolfriends mums only decided to try for her 2nd a few mths ago, + she told me she is having another one. Im pleased for them, just wish it would happen so easily for the rest of us. When asked if we want another baby, now I just say no, not now, we are leaving it at the one. Nobody knows except for family.
          Good luck to you all with your future tx etc. If anyone wants to ask me anything, ask away  

Take care

Rockchick


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## Hello Kitty (Aug 9, 2010)

Hi ladies
Thanks for your responses, it means a lot.

I think I would need donor sperm rather than a donor egg?! Apparently I seem to be ovulating ok as far as they can tell but they are reluctant to do any invasive testing on me as they seem to have settled on the problem being with DH.

Thing is I even feel bad whingeing about all of this because some of you have been trying a lot longer than me and then some of you are stll trying to conceive your first. 

I think that as Bubblicious said people tell you to be grateful for what you have. I am so grateful for my DD, but that is part of it. I love her so much, I would like another. The worst thing we did was start to mention about trying for another as it just didn't occur to me there would be problems and we wanted her to get used to the idea. D'Oh!

I think that the reasons we have discounted any type of assisted conception are numerous. We can't afford it, I think it would be a total emotional rollercoaster (having seen two close friends go through it) and no-one ever stops at one go, do they. If it doesn't work you try again and part of me wonders when I would then call it a day and stop trying. 

The other option would be donor sperm but I don't know how DH would feel about this, I think he feels bad enough as it is without me suggesting using someone else's sperm. If it were the other way around, I wouldn't hesitate but sometimes men can be funny.

Of course the other option would be adoption. I am actually adopted myself so not averse to the idea but I cannot stand the way social services in this country deal with adoption. It is so invasive and judgemental and not without its heartache sometimes (one of the friends mentioned earlier is just on the point of adopting a one year old, but it has been a really awful experience for her with social workers and crazy panel decisions).

Dh has an appt with a Urologist at the end of August so it will be interesting to see what he/she comes up with, if anything.

Good luck to all of you xxxxx


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