# March/April Chat



## Laine

New home for us all...


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## Laine

Hey Everyone,

Sorry for not being around much...I need to catch up with you all!

Sarah ((((((((((((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))))))))))))

Will be back later xxx

Laine


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## sas jane v

Thanks for new thread Laine and how are you -revising hard for the RHS 

Astrid thanks for your post and have IMd you 

    sarah x


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## Laine

Sarah

Yep very busy with the revising which gave me a bad migraine yesterday.  Today have taken a break although I may read up on some in a little while.

Aside from that been busy making tag cards for Mother's Day!

What have you been up to and everyone else for that matter?

Where is everyone?

Laine x


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## jellybelly

Well thought I'd be the first to post - nobody seems to have been around for a while.

Have booked three holidays this year!! - My nephews christening is in April so booked a few days in Durham.  Then booked five days in Torquay and then a week in Aberdovey, mid wales.  I'm so excited about all of it really.  So kept my mind off thinking of babies.

My friend has just become a grandmother and went to see her little grand daughter today.  It was a bit hard - but was very strong and just kept thinking of the lovely time I was going to have with DH and my holidays,

Hope you are all ok and all coping with everything.

Hope to hear from you all soon

Jelly xxxx


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## Laine

Hey Girls,

Jelly - Three hollibobs - good for you!

Where is everyone else?  Any  

I'm still head on with my revision.  Have made my mum a lovely Tag Book for Mother's Day.

Hope everyone is o.k?

Laine x


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## Juel

Just wanted to pop in to say i'll be thinking of everyone today.....   
Hope everyone copes ok  

Sorry i haven't been around but i seem to post here there & everywhere when i come on here.....don't seem to get much time online though lately 

Laine......i was looking at your ticker & at first i thought it was a side view of a rabbit with a dove on his nose    can anyone else see that   ......can see it's 2 doves now though   .....hope you're ok hun   

luv
juels xxx


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## Laine

Hey Everyone

Juel - Nice to see you stop by, you should come more often - no excuses eh!!!

Hope everyone is ok today xxxx

Laine x


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## astrid

hi elaine, jules and the girls

I hope all is ok? life is alittle boring at the moment i should be revising for an exam in a weeks time. Can you beleive it falls on St Patricks Day, i know where i would rather be (yep in the pub)..
My hubby has become engaged or married to ebay, we have c'd's delivered to this house every day....
We managed to get some tickets for U2 in concert, at Twickenham and again in Cardiff. We have decided to go camping for a few days in the Welsh vallies whilst he goes to the Concert. Can you beleive its only 12 pound for four nights. I love camping, but hey i ain't looking forward to it to much, because i know it tends to rain down there...Great for our little dog though..
I am off to work this afternoon until 10pm...not really in the mood, but the patients we have at the moment are really sweet...well lets wait until the shift ends....?
I hope all is well with everyone else.?
How are you Sarah?
love astridxxx


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## sas jane v

Hi Astrid and girls

Astrid -best of luck with the camping -know what you mean about the rain -am now at caravanning stage/B&Bs/hotels - must be my age !!!
are you NHS by the way -Im a physio and NHS at the mo but work til 5pm 4 days a week and then have Fridays off-am feeling much better this week quite perky today thanks for your IM still not sure what were doing 
Jelly -nice to hear from some more folks  - your hols sound good -does that mean youre going to your nephews christening
Juel - hi there -you sound a happy bunny -glad to hear thinga are going well for you at the mo
Laine -whats a Mothers Tag  youre a busy bee as ever hope you are plodding on ok

..as for me having a better time this week and looking forward to dh finishing off the kitchen -we are now apple green and cream with a new cooker and sink coming soon -have promised dh a birthday cake if he can get t all done before his birthday 19 March ! -his Mum was 84 this week and enjoyed the teddy and jigsaw we gave her !!!

hi to everyone else -lets hope spring starts soon -have had enough of the snow now thanks

          Sarahx


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## Topsy

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't been around for a while -had dh's 40th to organise.  We had a wicked party, dh was thrilled as old friends came from around the country.  The nice thing was that a few people with kids had arranged sitters so it was really like the old days!  We went on until 3 am which is  WILD for me these days.  Drank far too much and have been hung over for about a week.  Coming back down to earth now...but hey, we still have all the wine and whisky dh got given for his birthday to fall back on

Sarah-your kitchen sounds gorgeous, we need to do ours but it's so vile and so much work (artex,tiles with brown edging) that we keep putting it off and doing "nicer" jobs like working in the garden.

Astrid-I live in South Wales so am all too familiar with rain but hope it holds off for your camping trip. This weekend was gorgeous-I spent most of time in glorious sunshine digging garden, long may it continue! (sunshine, not digging..my back is killing me!)

Hope the revising is going well Laine and not giving you any more migraines

Hello Juel and Jelly and all the other girls on this bit of the site

Love 
Topsy

PS Am about to order book from Amazon about living childfree after infertility-called something like "sweet grapes"-don't know if anyone's read it?  Once I get it will report back.


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## Laine

Hey Girls,

Astrid - Just love U2, saw them a few years back at Wembley and they were fabby.  Also can understand how your dh is addicted to EBay too.

Sarah - A tag book is like a set of 5 embellished, hand made tags.  My mum loved it.  Pleased to read you are feeling much better.  Love the sound of your apple green kitchen too.

Where is everyone else?  It is very quiet here again.  Post and let us know you are o.k.

Well I had my RHS exam yesterday and after 3 hours and two papers, am glad it is finally over.  Just hope I pass.

Going to be studying again, this time to re-sit an exam I failed two years ago in International Trade.  Keeps me busy.


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## Mojo

Hello!

Good to read everyone's news.  I too, am busy with holiday plans for 2005...Easter in Tenerife (have never been to the Canary Islands and really looking forward to it) then, a long weekend at the end of May in Salamanca in Spain; my sister celebrates her 40th this summer and would like to hire a villa for a big family holiday!  Can't wait.  Now that the daffodils are nodding in the sunshine these days I'm desperate for a little heat to take the chill out of my bones.  Old age does not come alone, eh?!

Everyone seems very upbeat and busy on the thread.  I hope last Sunday wasn't too onerous for you all?  

I had to see my lawyer today regarding final papers to sign regarding my separation.  Looking forward to the day when this is all over and no more lawyer's letters are behind the door when I come home, or worse, on a Saturday morning.  I am now sole owner/ocuppier of our home and have a far lighter bank account now that I've paid over his share of the equity.  Don't really know how I feel about all of this yet - just gone into "not thinking/feeling" about it at the moment! the good thing is that I have tons of work to occupy me and therefore I don't have to think about any of it...but I think I'll go and have a large glass of wine and an early night instead!  

I have also joined a soft furnishings evening class and am busy making curtains and cushions for MY house!  Apparently sewing, knitting etc are THE new pastimes for 2005.  Finally, I'm trendy!!

Take care!

Mojo


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## Laine

How is everyone?  Gone all quiet here!

Mojo - Good for you on starting the evening class.

Sarah - How are you doing?

Not much news from me.  Speak soon

Laine x


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## astrid

hi girles
I hope that you are all ok
Mojo have alovely holiday over Easter, i think you really deserve it after what you have been through over the last year......
Laine hows things with you? This will be the first time for me to see U2 and i have to say i am looking forward to it. My dh is a fan and has seen them numerous times and i have to say i am now converted.
How are you at the moment Sarah? i hope things are ok with you at the moment. I am thinking of you.
Topsy you sound as if you have been really busy with your dh 40th birthday. There is nothing like a good party, it makes you feel human again..
We have just been for a walk in Epping Forest its absolutely lovely there, we are going to put up our tent there in the summer. Our little dog Meg loved it and of course she keeps us fit...
We have booked tickets for camping at the V Festival in the summer. We usually have a great time and enjoy a beer or two...
Not else much going on at the moment. I have my exam tomorrow night and i am not holding out much hope..I haven't revised alot, so i can only blame myself....
Well i hope everyone else is ok...
love astridxxx


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## sas jane v

Hi girls 

  hope everyone is ok

  laine -hi and hope you are ok -you sound busy with your various exams and are going to be so well qualified thanks for asking how I am
Astrid -hi and been wondering how you are too  your trip to New Forest sounds lovely - we areoff to my folks in Dorset next week for Easter and love seeing their dog (12) who can just about put up with ours (3) -they are both springer spaniels and nutty as fruitcakes !!

  as for me not too bad at the mo a bit up and down but looking forward to spring we have now got cooker/sinkand new worktops for our kithchen so looks like this w/e will be DIY -eeek!! not so keen myself but will like it when finished then away for a few days so much better if I know I can get away after

  hi to everyone else !!!
      Sarah x


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## sas jane v

Astrid -i meant Epping not New Forest hope you enjoy the V Festival -I think Maroon 5 are on arent they and hope you enjoy U2 like them more now than years ago!
Sx
am hoping The Stones may tour again dh loves them
it was his era !!!


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## Laine

Hey Girls,

It is a lovely Spring day here today, makes me feel better when it gets nice.  Also the longer days help too.

Astrid - Used to go to Epping Forest lots when I was younger, lovely there.  What exam are you taking?

Sarah - Your kitchen will look fab when it is finished.  What is next on your list?  I still have all our woodwork to paint in the hall after decorating the walls about a month ago.

Been busy in the garden.  Went shopping and bought a couple of mushroon (ornaments), really cute.

Started to study again for a re-sit of an exam I sat 3 years ago and failed!  Well I took 4 exams and failed 1 so not bad.  Anyway completed the first assignment yesterday.  The exam is for International Trade.

Speak soon...

Laine x


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## astrid

hi liane
Well done with your exams, i must say that you seem very well focused...Goodluck with the next exam, what is Inernational Trade?
My exam was anatomy and physiology, i wanted to brush up on it for my nursing and also it can lead me onto doing courses in alternative therapies. I am very interested in reflexology, but first i have to do another course in January...I don't think i passed..
Sarah your kitchen sounds lovely. We are also decorating at the moment, but with this lovely weather we would rather be in the pub...
My dh also loves the Rolling Stones, it is his era as well..
I am working the weekend and cannot be bothered, i suppose its not so bad when you get there....i am trying to convince myself..
I hope everyone out there is ok....
Have a great w/e...
love astridxxx


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## astrid

hi holly
I have just read your posting with interest. I think that it must have been difficult to finally put these words to gether and write them down. Sometimes i think that it can be therapuetic but it can also been quite an emotional thing..well done for getting this far..
Its such a difficult thing to face life without children and it doesn't come easy at all..I am not quite sure when you come to that decision, but i think its a matter of time and acceptance.
It sounds as if you have got some great plans for the future, to sell your house and enjoy your life which is very encouraging..I hope that i am not stepping out of line, but i hope that it is what you want..When you start making decisions and changes its about the both of you. You both need to want these changes, because they can only happen when you have some sort of peace of mind.
I want to move on and i am nearly there, but the need to do one more tx, will give me peace of mind. There has been some battles with my DH, but i think now we are singing from the same hymm sheet. I have had some input from a counsellor, refelxologist and without them i would be a wreck...
Just be true to yourself Holly, you deserve that. I do admire you for putting in your plans into place because that is a positive step forward..
All the best..
love astridxxx


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## Eilidh M

Hi Holly,

Welcome to the childfree boards.  Hope you find lots of friendship and understanding here.     
Like Astrid, I found your post very interesting, and it has shown me that  there are different ways of moving on after treatment.
We stopped over a year ago, but since then haven't made any huge changes in our lives.  We are both in the same jobs and find ourselves increasing frustrated , but for different reasons.......I don't have enough to do which gives me too much time for thinking about the IF, while poor DH is just overboard with work all the time , and he starting to hate his job.  The question "Why exactly are we doing this" when we don't have the responsibilities of children is now looming large for both of us.

Did you go for a complete change of career which has required a lot of retraining  ?  I've been in the same sector for about 13 years so the idea of a complete change is scarey, but then again, so is the thought of doing the same thing for the next 25 years !
Your decision to relocate is brave too.  I'd recommend Scotland   
We haven't considered that one, because we'd find it hard to find anywhere nicer than where we currently live in our opinion (spoken by a true conceited Scotswoman!).

We have just taken some smaller actions so far.......had 3 foreign holidays last year and have a major home improvement project planned for this year.

From time to time I waver about the decision we made last year, and I do have periods when I feel unbelievably sad about our situation,  but that is a lot to do with the fact I haven't yet found my feet in the new world of the childfree.  The biggest challenge for me personally, is just knowing what to do with my free time, so that I can feel fulfilled.

Please do keep in touch with us all on here.

Hugs from

Eilidh M
xxx


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## Laine

Hey Holly,

Welcome to the Living Childfree baord.

I too read your story with interest and admire the way you have made decisions and are seeing them come to fruition.  I agree with you about having money to enjoy your lives, especially after the amount you have spent on tx.

It was obviously hard for you to post here and I am really pleased you have.  Will be great to get to know you and share your experiences.

Laine x


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## astrid

hi holly
I just wanted to say that you must be a really lovely person to say that your marriage and Dh mean so much to you. I wish that i had that strength and courage to have put my hubby first during our tx..Sometimes we get so carried away that we forget what we have in life and what is important...and thats a good place to be...
Goodluck with your ventures it sounds as if you have quite a new and exciting path to discover. I am sure there will be a reason why for all of this, but sometimes i cannot understand why we have to go through all this pain and soul searching to find the answer...
Regarding peace of mind Holly i am sure that comes with time...
I wish you all the best and hope so happiness and joy will come out of this as you deserve it...
love astridxx


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## sas jane v

Hi Holly and have just read your initial post and 
welcome if you here -we have posted before sometime ago if you remember and understand where youre coming from - feel the need for major changes but am not sure where to begin so starting with DIY on the house and counsellinge could sell up and move/change jobs tommorrow !!
  have suggested a girls day out on the meeting couples thread if anybody interested 
I am in midlands but can travel 

  Sarah x


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## Dydie

Hello Girls  
Can I join you on the child free boards?
I have been around for a while but have recently made the decision to stop trying, I am not at all depressed about this decision, and am for the first time in ages looking forward to my life again.
I have been to the bottom and now feel at least 3/4 of the way back up to the top of my game !

I am sure you will identify with that 5% of me which will never really go away and keeps tugging at the heartstrings wondering "what if" but the other 95% of me is now strong enough to accept that my little family is now complete, me, dh, our new found love of caravans, our host of pets! and lots of neices and nephews who I can borrow and then happily hand back when they become a nuisance, Thats us in a nutshell!

I look forward to chatting more with you all.
Take care everyone
Love Dydie xxx


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## sas jane v

Hi Dydie -and a big welcome to this thread ! 
Ive read some of your posts recently and am so glad to hear youre feeling better than you were
I do know the rock bottom feeling too and it is not much fun when you feel like youre going nuts

  I hope you find loads of support here and Im sure theres always someone around for the good and bad days
  we are hoping to arrange a lunch in Oxford june 18 if you can make it if we get enough interest where we can have a good gossip and nice food !

    welcome again and congrats on making some progress even if this isnt necessarily it its a good place to get some support thru the whole process

        sarah x


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## Laine

Hi Dydie,

Welcome to the thread!

Will add you to the members list.

You sound like you are doing well, and I too hope you find lots of support here.

Laine x


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## Dydie

Thanks for the kind welocome to your boards ladies

Holly, good luck with the purcahse of your caravan, you will be surprised how hard it is to choose one, we are not experts but this is our second caravan so I know what to look for in layout etc now, if you want, when you find one you like let me know what model it is and I can have a look at the layout for you to advise of "problem areas" in lots of caravans there are particular little things that are missing or in the wrong place and it gets really annoying   

I keep thinking about taking one of my moggies with me in the caravan but dh will not have any of it! he says it is bad enough with the dog (now dogs) I have 4 cats, 3 of them would hate being in the caravan the other one would love it!
you know your own moggies temperament so ask your heart how he would be, you will already know the answer.
The only thing that worries me about taking a cat is if he should escape   knowing cats most would panic to find themselves in a strange place and run like hell  
I would have liked to come to your gathering but we will be away on holiday on that date, we are taking the caravan and touring bonny Scotland
I will keep and eye out for the next meet up and will try and come to that one.
Good luck with getting your heart to the 95% stage
I think it is as much as we can ever expect!
Love to you all
Dydie xx


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## Dydie

Hi Everyone
Just posting as I am feeling a bit wobbly today, my percentage of being 95% happy with living child free seems to have turned the other way lately and I am now about 5% happy living child free, I guess we all have our weak times, I don't even know what has set me off, nothing in particular has happened but I find myself reading posts of those still going through tx and feeling jealous  
I don't know why I am jealous of them, they are going through hell and I am sitting here feeling jealous   
I keep filling my life up with animals and they ease the pain for a little while and then that hole in my heart reappears .... will this pain ever go away   
I cannot keep collecting animals   
Love to you all
Dydie xx


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## Eilidh M

Hi Dydie

Hugs to you today      .

I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I know exactly how you feel.  I felt initially relieved to have made the decision to stop tx at the start of last year, but I find the "what ifs" have starting creeping back into my thoughts, particularly as I'm approaching 40, and it really is last chance saloon time.  

I also can relate to what you say about reading the other boards.  I seem to be drawn to the Mummy's Place to Chat Thread regularly.  How mad is that ?   .

I think coming to terms with IF will be a life long process for us all.  I am trying to accept that feeling sad and empty at times is natural given the enormity of what we have all been through and what it means for our lives.

As for filling your life up with animals, then that's no bad thing.  They are gaining a lovely home with devoted mum and dad.  Much more constructive than my own outlet which is shopping 

Take care of yourself,

Love, 
Eilidh
xx


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## Dydie

Thank you so much for your kind words and support Eilidh
Just when you think you have got your emotions under control they jump up and bite you  
In some ways it is hard to stay around these boards but in other ways I think it helps, I am not just slipping away and forgetting my pain, I am facing it head on each and every time I log on here, I know that if I were to stop coming here it would make it easier to push to the back of my mind somewhere and let it be buried but I have learned that you can only suppress feelings for so long, so it's best to keep facing up to things instead of hiding from them.

The people on these boards are so supportive and understanding, I really do not know where I would be today without you all  
Dydie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Topsy

Hello Dydie

Sorry you are having a wobbly day and sending you a big hug.  Like Eilidh says I can completely identify with what you say and  I think it is a long process.  I can go along for weeks feeling positive and then have a period of despair.

I find being childfree can feel very aimless at times. I didn't enjoy the years I spent waiting for hycosy/laparoscopy/review appointments etc (never got as far as IVF) but I did at least have short-term goals then.  So I can understand what you say about jealousy for those having treatment.  It is difficult to work out new goals in life after having been completely geared towards trying for babies!!  

I think it is lovely that you have lots of animals.  I love dogs but have not got one yet, with the warped logic that, if I can't have kids, I want to be completely free to travel off at a moment's notice  (not that I actually do that often!). So  I think I might change my mind in future as I read from so many of the other girls' posts what joy they get from their furbabies.  

Love to you and all the other girls on here
Topsy


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## sas jane v

Hi girls -just a quick post as I am in local library !!!

Dydie -do understand totally the rollercoaster of emotions you are going thru and just stopping is the worst part -initial relief and then you can feel worse again (but not for ever) hang on in there -have you had some counselling -the lady I saw had been thru it all herself and assured me the pain would go eventually
wouldnt be without my cat and dog now tho
Topsy -you can always put them in kennels when you go away and its so nice to come home to something friendly and furry -apart from dh of course

    ...as for me have had a really good spell for a couple of months until saw a good friend last night now pg after 6 months trying -she very sweetly popped round to the house to tell us before last night but we were out so was caught off guard and feeling fed up today -bit pi**ed off really as going on hols tomorrow so hope to pick up by then -as we all know these things can just trigger you off (at least dh is feeling peeved as well) usually its just me

  at least I know that you can feel good as proir to that had been feeling best Id felt in years -bring it back please !!!!

    hope everyone else ok and we will all pick up soon

      Sarah xx


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## astrid

hi dydie and girls
I have just read your posting with interest and sadness. I Just think its so hard and i can understand that feeling of being left out. As you say the initial decision to give up treatment is one of relief. But the things you are not totally prepared for, just hits you out of the blue...
I think its so hard that there is a small group of us that have to face being childfree. It seems that you are not toally apart of anything and as you say there was 'hope' and something to plan for, in the IF days.. Even though it was an emotional rollercoaster looking back we probably wouldn't want to go through again...
When i read Sarah's post, and she says it gets alittle easier with time 'this gives me hope'. That with time it will get better and that eventually the pain will start to get easier..
I keep watching those 'teenage troubled programmes' and that makes me fell better...ha ha. Some of the kids are a nightmare and i don't know how these parents cope....
Hey Dydie, i know what you mean i keep going through the animal kingdom and wanting to adopt more animals. Topsy, i have a furry one (dog) and its the best thing we ever did. They bring you joy when you are miserable and they love you, do not answer back and don't ask for money....
Its good to know there are girls on this thread that understand..take care everyone...Enjoy the weekend. Have a drink and wake up with a hangover, thats my plan this w/e....
love astridxx


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## Dydie

Thanks Ladies
I know it will ease with time, it just caught me off guard this morning, I have a list as long as your arm and leg with all the cons of having children (did not do the pro's   ) in fact are there any pro's    
anyway Astrid you enjoy your drink this evening and have a lovely weekend
Sarah Have a fab holiday   you lucky thing 
and all you other lovely ladies out there, Thank you and I will catch up soon.
Take care everyone
Love Dydie xxxxxxxxxx


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## Laine

New home this way...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,30613.0.html


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