# Can people not stop thinking of themselves



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

I really didn't know what to call this post but, I'm really at the end of my tether. My In laws who do not speak english have phoned my husband to say that they want to come and stay. They usually like to sit their bottoms down for 3 weeks. My husband works very long hours and cannot and seems reluctant to book any time of work as he is saving it for when we have our fertility treatment. I've told my husband that I do not want house guests for 3 weeks, when he is not having time off to entertain them and that I really do not need the stress of going for scans and with the worry of them having full run of our house while I'm out (last time his mom nearly blew the whole house up (I won't go into it)). I think with all the drugs it will just drive me crazy. They have different ways of living to me and I'm very house proud and this is just going to drive me nuts. My husband is now not speaking to me, but to tell you the truth I don't care as he would not have to deal with them, I would.

Sorry to rant.


----------



## Jazzyj (Aug 27, 2013)

I'm not surprised you are annoyed, I start getting annoyed if people stay for more than 2 days!

Is there any chance that they could come for less time, or that you could delay it? If there is no way round them coming for less time, then try looking at not entertaining them - they are family - if they want to sit around then let them, but you carry on doing what you normally do. 

I would push for them to come when your husband would have more time - tell them it would be such a shame them coming when he is so busy.


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it is very difficult with inlaws. is it possible you could put them in a nearby hotel? that way someone else could worry about their beds and breakfasts and you'd be able to have a rest after you sent them back each evening, you could just agree to give them evening meals... maybe that would be a compromise...that way you sort of get your home to yourself, your bathroom isn't full of 'strangers' every morning etc.


----------



## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

OMG that is a LONG time for house guests!
Especially if they expect to be making claims on your time, space and privacy.
Have you considered airbnb if there isn't a hotel nearby or it's too expensive for them? If it was just for a few days you might be able to cope a bit better, but the worry (blowing up the house!??) would just make your process so much more stressful.

Do they know what you are going to, and could they be of any help? It might ease the stress a bit if you come home to a clean house and a cooked meal every day, maybe they might consider supporting you in that way.

When my lodger's mum and aunt came to stay when I'd just been diagnosed with a mmc, I really wanted to tell them to go stay in a hotel (I expected I might miscarry that weekend) but it turned out to be absolutely fine. They were very caring and considerate, brought me chocolates and didn't bother me at all.
However I expect with your own/DH's family it would be different, and my house guests stayed for 2 or 3 nights, not weeks... x


----------



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

Thanks for your replies. When we go over and see them we actually stay in a hotel, but for some reason they want to stay with us. My husband has explained to them that he works a lot in the week and at weekends also and would therefore need notice from them but he has explained that he needs to save time for our treatment also (that's what he says - you never know when people talk in another language). I have said can they not delay until we have had fertility treatment and then they could come. The main problem is that they don't speak english and cannot seem to understand me however they do understand other english people, hmmm. They know we are having treatment and all they say is why do you have to wait can't you just go to the doctor and ask for earlier appointments, duh!! I really can't stand the stress of having them and fertility treatment and I'm not going to delay it because they feel like a holiday. We were going to see them in 3 months anyway!! I really feel as if I'm being put on and my husband and his family need to learn and quick otherwise I will just end up slaving away. I just can't bear to even sit in the same room as my husband at the moment. I know we meant to be teetotal but I'm going to have a big glass of wine tonight.


----------



## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Babycrazy
sorry to hear that, it does sound like a nightmare and you're being backed into a corner!
How about you stay with a friend, at least for some nights a week to give them some room, and take space and some peace for yourself? xx


----------



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

I really would do. But after the incident almost blowing the house up, I would be worrying that I wouldn't have a house to come back to. My husband just doesn't want to take responsibility for them as he won't take annual leave. I wouldn't mind but they don't help and don't speak my language. I think the IVF hormones will just send me over the edge. I just don't see why I should be pushed out of my own home and ultimately I feel if this affects my chances of IVF and I end up being unsuccessful I will end up blaming them and my husband. I myself haven't had a holiday as I have been saving mine for my treatment. I think I've just got to say enough is enough, if they end up here I know with the hormones I would end up turning on them and it will be the end of my marriage. It may sound strong but I can't be making myself ill anymore. Thank you everyone. xx


----------



## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

What an awful position to be put in. You poor thing. Even if you weren't starting treatment that situation is not good.

What does your husband say when you explain this to him? He surely must care about you and your treatment as he wouldn't be having it otherwise and he wouldn't want to put anymore stress upon youthan is nessessary. 

Can you not demand he either takes annual leave so he is here to help or he needs to organise for their trip to be postponed /cancelled or get them in a hotel.

They re being very inconsiderate coming at this time and regardless of whatever language they speak they surely can see that. If you are home alone with them and they don't speak English how on earth do you fill the time with them? I would hate it. I have enough mother in law issues myself so I know how difficult it is but she speaks English so I can imagine how much worse it is for you.

Vent out your anger and frustration here - that's what this site is great for. Hopefully it will get sorted out.

Xxx


----------



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

Unfortunately my husband doesn't seem to want to spend the time with them as he wants to save his leave for the treatment etc, well he says. When I explain this to him he storms out and says that his parents say it will be fine for them to stay with me. Excuse me, we don't share a common language and sign language is not productive as I've tried this many times. 

His parents are always rubbing in the fact that we haven't got children as all his siblings have (this is done through my husband when they feel like having what they say translated). Up until a few months ago, they always assumed the problem was entirely with me as I have pcos however my husband has been found to have only a few sperm that look normal and move so we only have ICSI as an option. 

Once our first funded cycle has gone, and if it isn't successful, we will have to fund ourselves and I don't really think we'll have the money soon as they always end up making my husband buy them and his siblings and nieces and nephew things to take home. 

I got to get tough as I feel that I have being used by both my husband and his family. 

I would also like a holiday but my holiday sure as hell ain't gonna be spent looking at them!


----------



## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

What a complete and utter shame for you and it must be hard not having the support you need from your husband about it. 

It certainly does feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I hope somehow this sorts itself out for you. It really doesn't sound fair at all.

Xx good luck xx


----------



## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Im sorry but to be perfectly honest my reaction would be tough s**t for his family! 

why have you got to put yourself through all that when youre already going through sooo much.

your DH needs to sort himself out and talk to you properly about this; we all know family is important but you need to put each other first through this not 2nd.

Sorry to sound harsh but i dont think you should have to compromise at all.

Hope it all works out for you xxx


----------



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

You're not being harsh. I totally agree with you. Unfortunately, I think my husband is more willing to upset me than his parents. He needs to grow up and fast.


----------



## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Well if nothing else please take from my comment above that you are completely within your rights to argue this situation so don't feel guilty, selfish, unreasonable etc...

xxx   xxx


----------



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

My mother in law is awful, she is baby obsessed, her daughters both have kids 5 kids between them and 9/10 we see her it's either baby talk, or all about her and her youngest daughter (18 + 11week old + boyfriend) I recently asked about them moving out the mothers home (as you'd think at 18 and your got your bf and kid) you wouldn't want to live with your mum but..... Oh she does and coz I asked I'm now bad for stating my opinion... I do feel we get treated different as we don't have kids, which tbh I don't need iv already struggled with infertility without having people just not thinking about how we feel.., tbh I would just tell them you need the time for when you have treatment ( if you can) because if it's like my situation your always in the wrong no matter what you say or do ! Xx


----------



## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

Mzmaary23, I can definitely relate to you feeling like your always in the wrong!


----------



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

The way I see it now you don't like my opinion **** off out my life (sorry for my language lol!) but iv forgiven his family for so much that's been said to me, and some of it is really bad, but luckily for me majority of the time my oh takes my side, because I went through the just being quiet phase and I ended up cracking up with his family, so now it's no matter what I do your not going to like it so just butt the hell out and if they wanted to stay its to my terms, xx


----------

