# Adoption advice needed for my hubby



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hey everyone, my first post, I really need some advice from parents in our situation. We have 2 bc, tried for years to have more but nothing and no reason was ever found, which was even harder to deal with. Now we have been to an adoption meeting but my husband is not sure how he feels and how different an ac would be and I don't have any answers. Any dads got any kind of advice or stories of their own to help him.

 x x x


----------



## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi mum and dad

I'm afraid not many dads post here so hope the one or two who do, pop by for you.
Sorry you haven't been able to grow your family yet and I hope adoption proves to be a way forward for you.
I'm the one in our relationship who was most unsure about adoption. It took months for me to learn to accept the idea of having a non genetic child. But I did get there. In fact the issues an adopted child can have ended up being a far bigger concern than genetics. Anyway I now have a little boy through adoption who is the light of my life. 
I can't compare it to having a bc but would say it will be quite different but perhaps no less joyful for it.
I hope your dh will keep thinking about it. It might take some time and I'd say that's normal.
Several women on here say their other halves took a lot longer to get their heads around it but most of them did eventually.
Good luck
Gettina 
X


----------



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hey,
Firstly congratulations on your little boy they are a joy....
Thanks so much for your reply any info at this stage from mums or dads is greatly received,  I think his main concern is how he will feel about an ac compared to how he feels about our bc, and I guess that is the thing you may never be able to answer.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi MumandDad, I'm sorry your husband is feeling this way.

I was ready to adopt before we even tried fertility treatment and so I didn't really have any doubts, we also didn't have bc and so I don't know any different.
I mourn the loss of the time we didn't spend with her (between birth and placement), and LO has even said that she has missed me and DW when she was with her FCs.

I don't believe you love your children any differently, the main difference with adoption is that you are more likely to be matched with a known personality than just a plain baby who hasn't learnt anything yet, and so the match could be closer to you than a bc.

Good luck,

Paul x


----------



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hi Paul,
Thank you and congrats on your adoption


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

BAAF do a good book for men
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Approaching-Fatherhood-Guide-Adoptive-Others/dp/1903699657

kj x


----------



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hi,
Thank you so much, 
will defiantly look into that any info is a massive help,


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I also have that book, it is out of print and so you can only buy it secondhand. It's out of date by 9 years, and so some of the advice isn't great.
- I'll dig mine out this evening and see if it will help you and your DH, to be fair I can't remember much about that book.

I much prefer the "What To Expect When You're Adopting" book as it's written from a male perspective and is also a true story, which I find helps me to understand better.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Expect-When-Youre-Adopting/dp/009192412X/ref=pd_cp_b_1


----------

