# IVF 45 and over



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

I've just had my first and only failed IVF cycle with OE and due to circumstances have decided not to try again for 2 or 3 years, which will take me to 45... with or without a partner (hopefully with  ) However, I realise the chance of conceiving with OE at this age is slim so I've resigned myself to DE IVF of adoption.  I'm really struggling with the here and now and waiting until 45  or above feels an age away. I guess i'm really looking for some encouragement. Any ladies in the same boat? It feels like everyone one around me is either pregnant or has children and whilst I know I'm not alone it doesn't help that I live in an area which I can only describe as nappy valley  . I'm really struggling with this and I'm sure it's just part of the journey (i.e normal in the context of infertility and IVF) and really need some support from somebody who understands... work is a godsend, but it's the weekends which are the hardest   I would also love to hear from anybody who had a baby at 45 and above to give me some hope


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Gaia

Sorry to learn of your recent IVF cycle.  

I gave up on my own eggs when I was 43 and took 18 months out before going on for DE treatment.  I am now 18 weeks with double donor twins.  Once you make the DE decision time pressure is taken off you as you have quite a few years to make your mind up about exactly when to go for it.  At the clinic I went to there is no age limit and plenty of ladies in their 50s go and have successful cycles.

In the meantime do the things you won't be be able to do once you have kids.  Be spontaneous at a weekend disappear and book yourself in a B&B for a couple of nights. I hate where I live and don't normally hang around at the weekend even if I just go out for the whole day.

I had to go it ahead solo in the end, scary but there are lots of us over on the singles thread here on FF.  Please feel free to PM me if you wish
Good luck 
TCC x


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

My daughter arrived just after my 45th birthday....after a long, hard journey and DDIVF, and we are just so glad to have her x


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks for sharing your experiences with DIVF. I've resigned myself to that route now mainly due to age and the fact that it will take me a couple of years to save the money (if money were no object I'd be giving it another go with OE as apparently my egg reserve good - not sure about quality though)... That is the frustrating part really  ...Still without a partner (at the moment) it is probably best I wait for a year or so because I know from experience things can change so much in a year. At least the time pressure is off in terms of reduced fertility with OE. My main struggle (apart from saving on a single income) is filling the in the time. I love my job (albeit stressful) and have great colleagues (a godsend) but I find the weekends so stressful in a different way because traditionally it's family time  ....Rather than live for the w/e I live for Monday (how weird is that)... I know I will get there eventually, but it's just so hard being just me at the moment. I only want to spend time with certain friends now (i.e. the ones without children/similar circumstances) and that changes frequently. So I feel lonely (own choosing). Can anybody relate to this? Also, if I save the requisite £8,000 (DE IVF UK) what  if it fails? (money lost) I feel like I'm in a blind panic. I'm not ready to consider adoption yet, but this fertility journey is so expensive especially when self-funding. Feeling glum, but will be ok soon x


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Gaia
My DD IVF only cost 5600 euros in Cyprus equivalent to around £4400.  Success rates with DE are more than 80%.  Flights cost me less than £200 and accommodation in total was around £250 as I went out of season.  10 day stay relaxing stay and I came home knowing I was pregnant with a BFP the morning I flew back home!  You will also need to factor in a cost for a scan in the UK and something for medications but those are not expensive really as you will not be using stimulation drugs.
I believe Invicta in Gdansk Poland are even cheaper with success rates of 60%. Czech Clinics will not treat single women but again are similar price and success to Poland.
yes weekends are lonely.  You could always have a laugh and give internet dating a try.  I only ever met the weirdos which you just have to laugh about and you never know it does work for some. 
TCC X


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## morganna (Sep 16, 2008)

Gaia,

I will be 57 when my baby is born. God willing!
I am nearly 16 weeks with double donation.
The longing fora baby never goes away.

It will be my first bio child. And its a dream come true.

Don't lose heart. It will happen for you.
I know a lady who is 50 (single) and she recently gave birth to twins from double donation. She used pedieos clinic in Cyprus. They had an offer of 6 tries for 7,500 Euros. So she went with them. She is so happy.

All the best,

Morgana xx


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## Coolish (Jul 10, 2012)

I finally had my little girl 2 days after my 49th birthday. Good luck xx


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Wow all your replies give me so much hope... I guess I just needed to read it to believe it   

Wishing you all the very best on each of your respective journeys.

Tincancat, I've tried internet dating before (and yes it can be fun and yes I've met some weirdos in my time too, but not all). I seem to attract the commitment phobics mainly though  

I guess I just need to find some more hobbies or something (for the weekends - too tired after work). it's difficult though because everywhere I go I see reminders of family life so I tend to retreat to my flat (early mornings and evenings my best friends at the moment). I think I'm just dealing with the breakdown of my relationship and IVF failure at the same time and it's going to take time.


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

May I ask why people chose to go abroad for DD/DIVF?.... Stats, finances, other factors?  Just curious


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## Vanilla Spice (Dec 27, 2007)

I had DD at 45 and sibling soon to arrive at 47!  Took many years and so worth it!  Hope all goes well with your plans.  VS xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

All those reasons Gaia, plus it is so much more relaxing with less hassles than in the UK - I just treated it like a holiday with a day at the clinic needed.  Only downside is all donors are anonymous when having treatment abroad.
TCC x


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

For us, it was the fact that there was no waiting list, cheaper than here for DD, the thought that if it didn't work it wasn't a total waste of money cos we'd had a holiday. Also, we could keep the donor aspect secret from our medical records - as I have a chronic illness, with many, many hospital appts we didn't want' the world and his wife' knowing, this way disclosure is at our discretion.. Pregnancy at 44 was still possible nturally, so I declared the IVF bit, and no one pushed it. Of course it went down on the Downs screening as the donors age was important, but that was it.
So sorry to hear you're struggling with the relationship breakdown too,


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## morganna (Sep 16, 2008)

There was no age limit. Plus high success rates. Plus cheaper than UK.
Morgana


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## Altai (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi Gaia,

Sorry about your recent failed cycle. 
Just wanted to suggest to have a look at Serum de ivf. it costs €5000, also they have embryo adoption program, which I think costs around €2-3k. 
I know that some ladies put ivf costs into interest free credit cards, could it be an option for you? 

Best of luck,

A.


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thank you for all the replies. It's really helpful. 

Altai is Serum in Greece? (excuse my ignorance).... unfortunately credit cards aren't an option right now - trying to pay off £7,000. Doesn't sound a lot, but I want to pay that off as soon as possible. I could probably get a HI credit card, but I don't want to do that. I wonder if any clinics do payment plans? Also, what's embryo adoption?

I'm sorry for all the questions. Just too many. I never felt I had enough time to ask them at my fertility clinic. Felt like I was being pushed along on a conveyer belt sometimes  . I didn't even get the counselling (DIVF) I was promised (albeit one session).


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

Embryo adoption is being recipient of embryos created in another cycle, basically a baby conceived by using both a sperm donor and egg donor, like our baby.


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## Altai (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi Gaia,

As seemedlike4ever said it is an embryo created for another couple and who decided for whatever reason not to use these embryos. I assume they stop paying storage fee and donate them to the clinic. And ivf clinics being a business enterprises, try to make as much money as they could from embryo donations but it still much cheaper than doing  oe or de cycle. If you  are doing embryo adoption, you cannot choose specifics of the donor like eye/hair colour etc apart from race, I assume. 
A friend of a friend had embryo adoption and now has a beautiful 3 yo boy.  I think she said she did in LWC. 

Yes, serum is in Greek clinic.  Unfortunately I don't know much (apart from prices) about de and embryo donation in serum as doing oe.  But you can check  details  with the clinic. Peny is always good in responding. 
Me, too single and doing it from a single income which is really hard, so I can totally relate to you. 

Re counseling- if u did ur cycle at create, don't think they have this service for free. 

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.


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## Purdydog (Jan 15, 2014)

Hi Gaia

I put my fertility treatment on semi permanemt hold from 40  to 45 due to being overstimulated and hospitalised when undertaking my iui in the UK for the first time. Prior to that, family bereavement and illness had stopped us undertaking free NHS treatment on the NHS.

I associated that period with trauma and had resolved myself to not trying ivf again due to trauma and cost. Hence I believed I would most probably remain childish, but i did remain in my couple. We invested our time in hobbies including dancing ( ceroc) was a great way to dance with others than remain in your couple. Lots of singles go to sonit is a great way to make friends  I did  mainly adult activities because family events and activities continued to evoke sadness. As time passed this became less painful to bevapart of eventhoughbwevremained on the outside.  Our pets have been very comforting but not a baby substitute. They get us out daily and every dog walker we meet likes talking about their own pets funny ways so over the years been fee on part of a community.

I realized quickly I was in bereavement and my own lost child would have been 13 yrs old this year if actualised so s/he is real to me even though not born. Its strange as culturally we have no rituals to honor this profound and personal oss so it was important we made up our own rituals as a couple. We also needed to talk about the painful sense of personal failure and responsibility. We had a lot of personal private therapy to process our individual grief. On thing we realized was that any child subsequently born will not replace him/her as s/he exists in us still.

At the age of 45, following a serious illness, a part of my recovery was realizing I wanted one last try at ivf so I had no regrets. I decided to go abroad. It was cheaper and the clinic specialised in older women with complex or unexplained infertility issues; they provided own egg and donor egg ivf so it would be easy to transfer from one to the other if necessary.

At 47 despite having OE ivf of A grade eggs I was unsuccessful. I have now had DE transfer and currently 3 weeks pregnant . obviously I need to take things step by step, but my donor was younger so the eggs are more robust with a higher percentage of lasting the term of pregnancy

One thing I would say is if I had realized I could have frozen my own embryos, I might have done so in my thirties or early forties. However, there is a charge 1000 euros per year, to consider, but it is an option. 

As for the time i thought I had abandonned ivf, I really searched to enrich my life whilst coming to terms with who I was, experience lonelyness and grieve my lost child and family in my own way. Believe it or not I feel I will Make a better mum now than before albeit older.I am also more pragmatic and more honest with my partner about my wishes. He too is more open.

I won't forget my first embies but I am committed to my present embies for however long they choose to stay. If they leave too soon I will cross that bridge and honor their stay and departure albeit how brief. 

Warm regards and don't forget to nurture yourself particularly during by no sec times of loss.


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thank you for all the replies and messages of hope. You've all got different stories to tell, but it's encouraging that I've still got time. My main problem is financial limitations (due to lack of second income and other factors). So trying now isn't really an option. Hopefully, when I'm in a position to try say DEIVF I'll have met somebody new who hopefully would be willing to go down the IVF route with me. Otherwise, I WILL go it alone... for the IVF and then who knows... I never imagined my life would pan out like this. I know there's so many people worse off than me, but I can't help feeling cheated by missing out on the marriage and kids (in that order) - i.e. girl meets boy, gets married, gets pregnant, happy ever after (I know that's the idealistic situation, but it's a dream non the less). Not after a millionaire lifestyle, fast cars and expensive holidays. Holidaying in UK will do fine thank you. I just want to be happy  Right now I'm not very happy, but I still have hope. It's learning to deal with the here and now that I'm struggling with and the fear that I'll grow old alone and childless   . Sorry for the negative rant, but that's how I'm feeling at the moment it will pass. Not helped by the recent breakdown of my relationship and other things beside IVF failing the first time.


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## Sassy-lassy (Apr 19, 2012)

Hello Gaia

I am 46 and currently 8 weeks pregnant following DE IVF at Serum, Athens. It has taken me 5x DE IVF attempts and 2x hystos to get to this point. If this pregnancy is successful (I still feel a little detached after an ectopic pg last November), I will be 47 by the time the baby arrives.

If anyone had told me ten years ago that my life would take the path it has, I would not have believed them. I arrived late at the baby-making phase, but not too late (or so I though) - I did however, leave it too long before then seeking help, and when I finally did, could not have anticipated that the road to parenthood would be so long, so fraught with financial and emotional difficulties and have such a catastrophic impact on my career aspirations. I am trying to keep the faith that eventually it'll all be worth it!

I should also say that I spent too long waiting for a prince charming who didn't materialise, but was too scared to go it alone. So I made a pragmatic decision regarding my choice of OH. He is a genuinely good man and a rare find, but he is from a very different culture/educational background to me and starkly different to the life partner I'd expected to have.

As a result of my experiences, I have revised my definition of what makes a successful life. It has nothing to do with exotic holidays, perceived status and what other people might think! In a way, this is quite liberating, because formerly, whilst outwardly successful, my outlook was narrow, my horizons limited and all I ever did was work. At that time, if I'd sat down and written a post from my heart, it would have looked very similar to your last one below.

So.. what am I trying to say here? First of all, I'd like to offer reassurance that whilst you might feel alone, you are not. There are many women in your position and you will find a lot of them on here. Also, whilst the outlook may seem grim at present - and a relationship breakdown/failed cycle won't have helped - life can take the most unexpected turns at times and a couple of years might find you in a completely different place. It's ok to be a bit scared of what lies ahead, because that is what will prompt you into action.

Ultimately, it probably doesn't really matter _what_ you decide to do, as long as you do _something _! If you do decide to go it alone, there's no reason why you shouldn't start planning for that now. Yes, it will be hard work, but you will be fine and if the right knight-in-shining-armour turns up, he won't be put off by a baby&#8230; They're much more modern these days! .

Good luck xx


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Lovely post Sassy  

Just wanted to second what other ladies have said. I'm very lucky I have a wonderful DP but we met late in life after my first partner cheated on me (after ten years) and my second died in a RTA. When that happened I resigned myself to a single childless life. Life is weird how it can bring good things to you when you least expect it   . You never know what's around the corner. Take some time to look after yourself Gaia and then when you feel ready start to make a positive plan for ttc.  If you plan for that to be without a partner then it will be a lovely addition if you end up meeting someone on the way  

Grey xx


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## akasaka (Jul 18, 2014)

Hi,
Same here. I have been trying since 2012, I am still trying. 

I will have my first cycle at ARGC soon. This cycle is the monitoring cycle. I do not know what will happen but I will try my best while i can.

Have a nice day!!


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