# going to meet in law- bro in law has new baby help!!!!



## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

so at the end of this month my dp and i will be travelling to ireland to see his family. it will be my first time meeting any of them. 

3 months ago his brother told us he had just become a dad - an unplanned pregnancy with a women he wasnt dating. 

im dreading it so much that im thinking maybe i shouldnt go. i dont want this to spoil my trip but i still havent accepted this baby. seeing pictures of him makes me want to cry and im not sure how im going to cope hearing about him and seeing him and i know how happy this new baby has made everyone. even the thought of my dp holding his nephew makes me ill with worry as i know it may never be us. 

im driving myself nuts with this but for some reason i just cant come to terms with this. my dp and i were hoping as we are both the oldest child we would be the first to produce a grandchild for both mothers, the month we found out about thi child was a month i thought i was pg and then we found out i wasnt! 

whats making this 10x worse is if we arent successfull this cycle then the week my af is due is the week we will be in ireland!! 

i just dont know what to do as id love to go over and we are going over that week because its my dp's grandfathers party and hes very ill so this may be the last.


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Oh Temptress, you're in a very difficult situation, it's hard enough meeting 'the family' for the first time, but when you've the added pressures of an unplanned pregnancy / meeting new baby too - as well as the timing with your cycle of treatment - it couldn't be much worse. BUT your treatment 'might' work, and you can meet all the family, young and old, smug and happy in the knowledge that you're going to be adding to their joy.
Besides which, this may the the only chance you get to meet your partners grandad - and I'm sure that in itself will mean an awful lot to your partner.

I know it's easy for me to tell you to think positively.... but I do think a PMA goes a long way in helping you get through the ups and downs of going through a cycle of treatment - even if this cycle doesn't work - a break away from it all will do you both the world of good.

Hoping soo much that it's your time.
Best wishes
Sheila


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I think you have to try and forget about the way the baby was not planned etc, as its kind of irrelevant and more importantly will drive you potty!.  the bottom line of it is that there is a baby in the family and thats always difficult when you havnt had your dreams for filled yet.


Maybe you could think about how to minimise the pain of it all.  Eg how long you spend with the family and baby, how much contact you have with the baby and how you think its best to react.  Eg there has been 6 babies in my family born while we have been trying and even though i always found it hard, avoiding them was not really an option  So say if they were having a family day out and then going to my mums for a meal, i would just go for the meal as i know the day out would be too much, + all the gooing over the children!.  I would just say i will come for the meal later on but iv got things i need to do during the day.  Or i would leave the room or go to the loo when i was struggling to handle the conversation.  Believe it or not there is actually a lot you can do to avoid having such a huge upset.  Yes its still hard but you can still have some control over it all.


Are you staying with the family? can you stay else where? can you try and meet the baby at a time where the whole family arent there, as it will be less intense? 


xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

hi girls thanks for your replies - i have been thinking alot about it over the past few days, and spoke to my mum about it. and i have decided there really isnt much i can do, i cant avoid the baby for ever and usually im fine with new borns, fall in love with them instantly, so im trying not to think of this baby as any different. we are staying with my dp's mum and dad as funds dont permit a hotel, im not sure yet if bil will come down to the house or we will go to his house to see him and the baby but my dp has been incredibly supportive over my worries and he also suggested i step out of the room if things get too much. 

i do cross stitching and decided to do a little birth sampler as a present for bil as i do with every other new baby in my family and that seems to be helping as iv been focusing alot more on that. 

when i really think about it all i think what has been upsetting me most is because its the week i find out if my dp and i are pg or if itts another bfn so i keep telling myself this new baby might be just the lucky charm we need and for all we know we might have good news to tell them while we are there. 

also as we are only ttv naturally atm while we wait for our referall im keeping my fingers crossed we will have news about that before we go to give us some positivity. but as you both know sometimes keeping upbeat cn be so hard when all you want to do is hide away and have a cry lol


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Good for you!


Just get on and meet the baby and dont over analyse it, it is what it is and your right we carnt avoid babies. xxxxxxxx


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## Passenger42 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hi there Temptress,


I hope your trip to Ireland goes well for you.  If the baby is by a lady your DP's brother was not in a relationship with then its probably fair to assume he will only have limited access himself to the baby as if its barely 3 months old she must want it with her a lot of the time.  Maybe its will only be a few fleeting visits so your partner can see his nephew.  I am going to be a single parent soon and I have no intentions of passing my baby over to my ex family without plenty of prior notice and arrangements and he is only getting limited supervised access.


Try not to worry, all will be OK, the focus will be more on his grandfather and the party.


Hugs to you Passenger x


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