# Applying to adopt & suffering depression....



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi girls

As some you know, I am already the lucky mummy of a gorgeous little "boo", and I'm loving being a mum.
When we went through the process the first time, I opted not to diclose my history of depression. I was so in fear of anything stopping us. And it hadn't affected me for 9-10 years. So I'd hoped it was all behind me.

Over the past 2-3 months I've been down and I knew instantly it wasn't just a bad day or two. So I went to see my GP this week. I'm taking some mediction (hopefully for the short term) and I've asked to see a councillor.
My husband didn't want me to admit it to the doctor and my best friend also asked me last night if this might affect us adopting again.
We will be applying again for boo #2 in the new year. I'm hoping that we'll get the same SW again and I can be honest and open with her.
I assume that they'll be more favourable about someone who can recognise a problem and seek help, rather than someone who sticks their head in the sand.

Any thoughts?


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Ever,
I am really sorry to hear you have been low for a while I think it is really positive that you can recognise the signs and get help when you need it. I don't have any advice but I know only too well what it's like having been there and lived with people who have been depressed too. Take care love JD x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks Jill

I am functioning fully normally   (well, as normal as I can be!!).
In fact, so much so, that no-one other than my DH has noticed!

I'm carrying on with everyday things, like you have to, and coping well with most things. I think it's just a build up of things over the last year that have suddenly caught up with me and made me a little sad. I guess it's to be expected at some point.
And hopefully with a couple of chats with a nice counsellor I can shake it all out and get back to my happy go lucky self. That's the plan anyway.


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Ever

I'm sorry to hear that you've been suffering from this and hope that the medication/counselling will help get through this.

I will be honest and say that I hope that they would realise that it is a positive thing that it is an illness that you are aware of and have arranged treatment for.  However I also think that they would question why it has occurred again now after such a long time and, although you love being a Mum, whether the stresses of being a parent (and I know from my own experience that it can be stressful sometimes) has triggered this attack.

I personally feel that you should not think too much about the second adoption at this time but concentrate on getting better.  Hopefully with your conselling and medication you will soon be able to put this bout behind you.  Then it would be easier to say to them "I had a bad spell last year but I arranged the support I needed to get me through it and I am ready to increase my family".

I know that others on this thread have also sought help for depression in the past and maybe they will be able to share their experiences with you on how it impacted their adoption.  I suffered from depression for about 6 months following my miscarriage.  I never sought help at the time, which in retrospect I think was a mistake, but after time I finally came through it.  I never mentioned the word to my SW as like you I did not want to jeapordise my adoption chances.  Fortunately for myself, I have not suffered since but to use a cliche it is only a case of "there but for the grace of god".  

I realise that it is a hard thing to bear and really hope you can get through it quickly, please realise that if it helps to sound off to any of us here we would be more than willing to lend an ear.  

Take care
Cindy


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Everhopeful - just wanted to say GOOD ON YOU for being so constructive and brave re seeking instant help from your GP to get your recent attack of depression under control.

It takes a huge amount of bravery to first accept depression, and then to ask and admit for help, so I applaud you for being so open. It is a topic so many avoid acknowledging and asking for help with, but depression is a very powerful beast which really does benefit for many by seeking medical support to get through its really bad phases. 

For you to have been so open with your GP when knowing this will have to be declared to your SW when you apply to adopt Boo #2 makes you even more of an amazing person and am hopeful that any decent SW will see that too. I hope that your depression will soon ease away again, and I wish you the world of success with adoption no 2 when the time is right. Good on you for raising such a difficult topic.

Love
Hippy
xxxxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Dear Everhopeful,

I just wanted to reinforce what the others have said about the positive way that you have approached getting help and support, I have a couple of close friends who have suffered post natal depression and I don't believe that having depression stops you being a good Mum but not getting help and support when you would benefit from it certianly would make things more challenging.

I'd echo what Cindy said and say maybe you want to slow things down for a couple of months with the second adoption, get back on an even keal emotionally and then be able to present the whole episode as a really positive example of how you can seek help and support when you need it.

Hope you feel better soon...I wonder if there is a risk when we have all gone through as much to become Mums that we then have too high expectations on how we will feel about our motherhood and our little Darlings! Becoming a Mum will always bring huge changes and impact on our identitiy no matter the road that takes us to motherhood. (Have discussed this at length with quite a few friends!) Don't be too hard on yourself or feel bad about how you're feeling.
Love
Viva
XXX


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thank you all for your messages of support.

It's certainly not a random thing. And I'm fully certain it's nothing to do with becoming a parent either.
It stems from my Dad being very ill this time last year and my Mum suffering with illness and causing much concern this year. I guess I had my strong head on and organised everyone and didn't have time to cry. Now it's caught up with me.
And I realise now how badly depressed I was 10 years ago because I'm no-where near it now and that's why it's difficult to believe it's actually depression this time round. But then again, with Little Miss Boo around, I can't possibly not smile and laugh everyday!!

Thanks again. I'm feeling better already with your support! I'm sure this is a blip.

xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi ever

Just wanted to add to what everyone else and said WELL DONE for admitting you have a problem and for recognising it for what it is.

I hope you get the help and support you need and like Cindy has said, concentrate on getting better first, everything else will just fall into place!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Ever, I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.  It's hard when you are trying to shoulder so many burdens.  Having gone through bereavement and serious family illness myself in the past, I know exactly what you mean about things hitting you at a later date.  All I can say is, although it is difficult when you have children, try to find time to let it all out.  With so many people depending on you it's easy to feel guilty about little things like having a good cry but sometimes you need it.

I hope your Mum and Dad are better and as you said I'm sure this is a minor blip and little Miss Boo will soon help you get over it.

Take care
Cindy


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Ever

Just to echo what everyone else has said.  I can understand the situation you find yourself in having had my parents both seriously ill this year.  It always seems to catch up with you when you relax.

As the others have said it takes alot of courage to admit that you need help.  I think Cindy;s suggestion of getting your help first before taking on the new challenge of a sibling for Little Miss Boo.

Good luck and hope that you are feeling better soon
Karen x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Ever,
Just checking in to see how you're doing? 
Love JD x


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