# Letterbox contact prior to adoption order



## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Has anyone started letterbox contact prior to adoption order being granted? If so what sort of thing did you say in it?


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Yes we did. Wee man moved in in June and first letterbox was in Oct. I am pming mine to rsm as soon as dh remembers the laptop, I'll drop them to you as well bex


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Thanks Flash. It feels a bit odd as it will only be a few weeks before the hearing, in fact bp's will probably get it a week or 2 at most before so not sure if that's a good thing of not.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Becs we was told not to do letterbox so close to the hearing and wait till after, could this be the case for you? 

Our first will be due at the end of the year after eldest been with us 18months x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

No our sw has said she thinks it may be a good idea but I'm not convinced. We have to go by their experience but I'm not certain it's the right thing.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Don't hold your breath about when they will receive it! We know from the reply from birth grandmother that they have received them at least 2 MONTHS after we have sent them! Our first to birth mum and dad was also due the same time as AO was granted but we had so many things happen at that time - complications to AO, dh mum dieing that we never managed to get it completed in time and ss were fine about it. Tbh that's why I don't bust a gut and worry too much about meeting the deadline. i will always do it but our life comes first so as long as I get it done roughly the same time I'm happy.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

So true flash, life comes first, I like it! X


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Yes you're right flash about us coming first, often that's not the case with ss!
Sw said the letters usually take 4 weeks so I guess the reality is probably more like 8! 😊


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hey Becs
We had to pick 2 months , 6 months apart to do our letters and first one fell just before AO granted. We clarified with SW if they wanted us to write it as I thought it a little weird sending it when AO hadn't even gone through but SW were happy AO would be granted so said to go ahead ( it takes them a while to then go through it and and send it on). 
As it happened I didn't get round to sending it off so actually emailed it to SW a few days after AO granted anyway. Dont think it's gonna matter in my case as BPs not interested so will just be kept on file, which makes me very sad for LO xx


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

We're fully expecting ao to be contested so it seems a bit odd but will do one anyway. Sw seems to think it may act as a sweetener which I doubt but nit sure it can do any harm.


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## Beebo (Oct 21, 2012)

We have had our son placed with us for only four months but have already sent the first letterbox contact and had a response - our first hearing is in July and like yours will be contested. 

In our case we had met the birth mother during introductions so in our letter thanked her for meeting with us during what must have been a very difficult time for her. We reassured her that we were committed to letterbox contact and would tell our son about his birth family as he grew up. We referred to some of what was said i.e. she told us our son likes animals and we wrote that he has enjoyed going to zoos and farms with us. We emphasised that he was very bright, as she had said, and that friends and family were all very taken with him; we said that he was very healthy and learning new things. Her response was surprisingly positive - she actually said that him being adopted was unbearably painful but that she did not hold this against us personally and hoped we would love and care for him.

If you are stuck for things to say it would probably be helpful just to stick to factual matters about his development, outline some of the things you have done together and some positive things that he has achieved. Our social worker had advised us that the first letter could be very brief given that he had only been with us for a couple of months.


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Thanks Beebo that's really useful. I was struggling to think what to put in it but you've given me some good starting points there.
I hope all goes well with your hearing.


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Our AO has just been granted and letterbox contact was increased from once a year to twice   so we also have been told to pick 2 months that don't relate to any birthdays / christmas etc, BUT it was then added in that as bm hadn't received any update since their goodbye meeting back last July that we would be expected to do one soon after the AO, so that will be an extra in my eyes as it falls no where near the months that we will need to use!

Have to add I'm not overly keen on sending a pic, even though were told it will only be shown on a computer screen and they will have to visit the office to see it, I have said that I want it in the letterbox contract that if I see any pics on ** ever that I will no longer send any, I will stick to my guns and if its not written in the contract I wont sign it!


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Congrats on ao! That's a bit sneaky the extra contact! We have to do 2 x year for bm,bf,and paternal and maternal grandparents once yearly! 😁
There won't be any photos under any circumstances with us so that's one good thing at least.


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Stick to your guns WP. It might be worth talking to them about the pic. It's in our paperwork to send pics but the SW said they didn't thinking was a good idea and we totally agreed so we are not. So in our case just because it was in the paperwork to do so it didn't mean we had to do it. X


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