# I can't stop crying tonight....



## Patty83 (Nov 25, 2012)

I'm totally new to FF, never even been on chat room in my life! Just need somewhere to process things I guess! Would like some chat from anyone! Have been trying for nearly four years if I'm honest. Only got the ball rolling within Dr in feb this year.  We've had our first appointment with consultant last month, got low sperm so he only told us about ivf, surely there are other options?! I'm in breakdown mode as I can't even turn on the tv without hearing about Kate and wills!! Struggling to deal with this now......can't  put into words


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## EmJ82 (May 23, 2012)

*Patty83* I don't know what to say apart from You just need time to process everything and talk to your DH. Get out how your both feeling.

Have you been booked back in to see the consultant again?

Sending you hugs x


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## Patty83 (Nov 25, 2012)

Thanks for Hugs...Yes Dh was told to take extra vitamins for a month to boost sperm, told to make appt in a month but we can't get app til feb, totally gutted as that's  nearly 2months away. Consultant was very short with us, never really explained anything. We left feeling even more confused and over whelmed by it all. He basically said its iVF for us. I know it's a long road but, I'm not strong enough for this......


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## PixieMcG (Jul 17, 2011)

Hi patty, emj is right it takes time to process and I found joining here and talking it through really helped.  There is always someone who is willing to talk and share their thoughts and offer support.

My husband and I were the same we were really upset when we first found out and it was around this time two years ago, that Xmas was the hardest but you do get through it.

We reached the top of the list in July this year and will have our first cycle in jan.  It is a long process on the NHS and if we could have afforded to go private we would have.  We are currently saving just incase we need it.

Try be positive there are loads of ladies on here who have had really bad results but have had babies or are currently pregnant, I know it's easy to say but you will find a lot of info on here which may help you get through it.

Big hugs
C x


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I know it's hard honey, but you are early in at the moment and it's bound to feel daunting. It's a bit like learning to fly a plane; you can't expect to be able to cope with it instantly, it takes time and a bit of learning to get the confidence and strength you need.

Have you got a good GP? My GP told me that in she was mainly there to act as interpreters for consultants and surgeons  

Hugs honey, you aren't alone and have a look around the boards - there are some amazingly supportive people here, and when they say "I know how you feel" they really can understand (not like some people in the 'real' world who haven't got a scooby!)
  

Xxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Patty83, 



I really know how you feel as we were told recently that our only option is IVF as well. Consultants deal with it all the time and can forget that the peeople the are telling are not expecting it.   

When you go to your next appointment? Make sure you have a list of questions to ask, i always take my notepad so i dont forget and make little notes to myself during meetings.

Will you be going with NHS or private, as some NHS lists are very long  

Feel free to message me as i know how difficult a time it is for you both.


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## Sammilb (Sep 7, 2011)

Hi girls.

Yes i know how it feels especially when tests are done and its found that its male factor (low count) etc.

Me and my DH was TTC for a year, when we went to the GP for him to get a sperm count test. Berring in mind that he had testicular cancer when he was in his 20's that resulted in him having a testicle removed and chemo, and yes he had to have his sperm stored, but this is stored over in a clinic in Australia that is proving to be difficult when in conversation to get his sperm back to the UK!.

In September of this year he went to see Mr Underwood as every time we went for our appointments at ACS he was sent for a sperm count test ( 3 in total), on the 3rd time the results came back as the last two that they only found about 3! in his samples that where done by hand!!!. Due to bloods it was found that my DH carries the CF gene and that therefore they though that this could also be the reason that he wasn't passing a good amount (a man with one testicle!), so Mr Underwood done a procedure called a MESA and they found more sperm in the testicle but not a great amount x3 straws, and we have been told that they might have to use the 3 straws on one cycle!.

In regards to how people feel when they leave the clinic. Yes many of times me and my DH have left that place and by the time we have got back to the car park I'm asking him what they said!, then seeking reassurance i.e ''they wouldn't put us through this far if they didn't think there was a chance it could work'' things like that!. I think that GRI ACS unit staff just have that knack! of not realising how their coming acrossed!!. 

In regards to reacting to the news of pregnancies and births, all i say is congratulations and leave it at that!, but anyone that goes on and on about their pregnancies and children etc especially families i remind them to have a bit of bloody respect!, that something that they have found so simple!, is a major challenging event for us!.

We reached the top of the icsi waiting list back in October and its not going to be atleast Feb/mar time for my screening and APR/may time for actual treatment!.

They have offered my DH another MESA if they need more sperm however he's not really liking the thought of that again!, as he was very sore for a couple of weeks after!. However he has told me that he will get back the sperm from storeage from Australia if needed.

Try and keep ya chin up girls!, i know its easier said then done!, i feel rubbish the day before my appointments and CRAP! for a couple of days after! and the last appointment we had was when Underwood said that if that if that procedure that my DH had hadn't of worked then maybe we would consider donor sperm!!, i was so upset when i got home i took it out on an entire pack of chocolate biscuits!!.

But now there does appear to look like we have a glimmer of hope!.

Love to you all
Sam x


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## angie1 (Sep 14, 2012)

Chin up chik, ur stronger than ya think. I've had a rubbish week mysel afta 1st consultation kept goin on abt donor sperm (thu haven't even chkd dh 4 cause of low SA!) . Fell lyk cryin all the time  njus wanna bury my head in the sand sometimes! Gotta keep movin 4ward 4 a end result that will  Soooo worth it tho! Am using this site 4 support n 2 swot up a nxt steps. Got lots of avenues 2 xplore yet which really dnt think I'd b told abt otherwise. N knw wot u mean abt baby news, thinkin of comin off ******** as big announcements now doin my head in! All will b fine, just sucks gotta tke the long road!


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## Patty83 (Nov 25, 2012)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all comments, much appreciated.  I will take a note pad and pen to next appt in feb!! 
I have a friend who's going through IVF at moment, so I thought I was ready for consultants appt. we are currently NHS. We asked about paying on NHS and he said he didn't know how long we would be due to recent influx of Scottish government cash, they have to push through extra patients on NHS..... So they are really, really busy.  
at the risk of sounding very selfish after trying 3+years being told another two years is hard to take!! 

Does anyone know if you can transfer to private clinic once started process with NHS?? 

It has helped to read other stories, and I will keep looking on the site for more info.


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## Sammilb (Sep 7, 2011)

Patty -  I'm not sure if you can change to private from NHS?, i asked about that one once to go from GRI to GCRM and was told its not possible!.
Although i never questioned or challenged this. I don't see the harm in asking hunni.

Sam x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Patty83, 

May i ask where you are, as we were told the same thing about the extra funding from Government.

Yes it is possible to go private and still be on the NHS waiting list, each private treatment just takes away one nhs funded treatment. - Hope that made sense!?!

If in doubt, ask.  The worst that can happen is they say no, but least you will have some peace of mind knowing the answer.

Being told having to wait any more time is hard to take.


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## Dinapantz (Nov 26, 2012)

Hi Patty,

Low sperm is never good but its not 'no' sperm and it only takes one.  What about IUI?  Chances are slim but it may be a option.  It didn't work for me though unfortunately and we moved straight onto ICSI after 2 failed attempts.  Never in a million years did I think we wouldn't get pregnant naturally like everyone else although i later discovered that IVF is way, way more common than you think.  Sooooo as bad as it is these are the cards that we've been dealt with and we have to face it head on and move forward but you need to take your time to get your head around everything.  Research it all as knowledge is power and it will all workout....take it from an expert and if you need to talk ill be happy to give you my number.

Take care


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Oh Patty hun. Get your DH on the Wellman pre conception vitamins (maybe even get yourself on them too, you can get couples packs), they really can help with improving count, they did in our case anyway. Use your wait time to do all the get fit, stop caffeine, alcohol, stop smoking, lose weight if necessary etc, etc stuff would be my tip, you'll then be in the best shape whether it's NHS or private. You can self refer to any private clinic at any time usually, with fairly little waiting time.

Good luck


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Patty - If you call your local PCT they will be able to advise which clinics you are entitled to NHS treatment under, despite our inital referal being to the local hospital I found out I ahve two other options one being the fabulous clinic we are now at... best phone call and move I ever made it's a slightly longer journey but their knowledge/care and stats were way way above the inital clinic refered.

xxxx


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## wing and a prayer (Oct 6, 2012)

Hi Patty, you have to take one step at a time and try to remain as positive as possible.  Which is of course bloody hard!     fertility issues seem to be the hardest thing in the word to talk about and get your head around.  Like you I am just staring this awful journey and praying for a miracle.  My DH has been told by some awful urologist that he will never have children after only doing a SA (Showed zero) and a physical & ultrasound.  No blood test, nothing!  This is not in the UK though so we are coming back to see MR Ramsay who is one of the best in the UK to get a diagnosis and discuss options with someone who knows what they are talking about and can speak with experience and is at the top of their field.  What this has taught me after reading so much on here is dont just accept anything.  Get a second opinion, inform yourself about what is out there.  If I had not been reading threads on FF I would never have known about what we could possibly do - about Surgical Sperm Retrieval etc, Mr Ramsay being an expert in his field, about how many other people have had similar things said and achieved success.  I have become a little obsessed to be fair which I am not sure if that is a good thing or not but then I suppose its better than being in the dark about it all!

So keep your chin up honey, you will get there xxx


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## yachtcat (Nov 28, 2012)

Hi Patty,
I am totally new to this too - this is my first post! We also have a totally monosyllabic consultant who I got a really bad vibe from when we first saw him. I rang his secretary and got all my results sent to me and then we paid to see a fertility nurse consultant for an hour appointment (£200) just to have a chat with her. This was really helpful as we had enough time with her to really talk things through. She suggested that because of my results we should really start thinking about IVF straightaway - but at least I knew why. 

We went back to see the consultant again today fully prepared and when he offered me clomid for 6 months (when my AMH is undetectable!) I was able to say that I wanted to go straight for IVF. We were with him for less than 5 minutes but at least I am now on the list for IVF. 

Reading stuff on here has made me realise how lucky I am to live where I do. There is no waiting list at all here for IVF which is totally amazing and we should be starting in the New Year. 

Best of luck with everything. I felt totally devastated when I found out about my results but it gets better when at least you have a plan. xx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Patty83!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

I know the shock of being told that you have to have fertility treatment. As the others have said, you have to take time and digest the information and come to terms with the diagnosis. Then you can think about treatment and suchlike. Don't bottle up your emotions, talk openly with each other about how you are feeling.

Here are a few links that I think might help you.

Male factors ~ CLICK HERE

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Coping With Infertility ~ CLICK HERE

Diary section ~ CLICK HERE There you can read the experiences of others, and perhaps when you have treatment yourself you could make your own diary.

Regional ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!              

Sue


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## Patty83 (Nov 25, 2012)

Hi people, I'm not sure how to respond to individual comments and posts, so I'll answer questions here!  I am currently taking pregnacare vitamins and DH is taking co-enzyme and vitamin c as instructed by consultant.  
I am lowering the amount if caffeine, only drink about 2 cups of tea per day.  We are in pretty good shape as far as weight and fitness are concerned! Also we rarely drink alcohol, except for a few weekends here and there! Also I need a glass of wine now and again when the going gets tough!!! We don't smoke, either!!!
Eh just had blood tests for amh levels, he is trying to get the results in more detail as all the nurse said was "normal"!!!  We are NHL tray side, Scotland. Not very impressed with service so far!?! 
Thanks for all your advice and comments.


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Patty83

There are things well worth trying in terms of improving your DH's sperm count.  My DH's count was not great and it looked like we might have to go down the ICSI path.  However, we did some research, he took so many supplements that he rattled    and his count returned to normal.  I would really recommend you have a look a the websites of Zita West and Marilyn Glenville as they both have quite a bit of information on supplements, diet, lifestyle and complementary therapies etc when ttc (men and women).  They have both also written books which I found very helpful.  It is such a shock when you are told you need to consider IVF - I cried all the way home from the clinic (it was a three-hour journey  ) and there were many more tears after that too.  But if you do need to have IVF, you will find the strength to get through it, and there is lots of support and information on this website - I don't know how I would have managed without it.  As the others have said, try to take things one step at a time in the meantime, get as much info as you can, and do as much for yourselves as you can in terms of diet and supplements etc (this will also help you feel a bit more in control).

Re self-funding/going private, it is certainly worth doing if you can afford it.  (We had no choice due to my age.) It will cut down your waiting time and allow you to choose your own clinic.  But you do need to check if self-funding/going private will affect your NHS entitlement and, if it does, weigh up whether this is a potential problem for you.

Good luck

Ellie


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