# Infertility emotions - Resentment



## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Hi,

Fertility struggles have brought up all sort of underlying issues I never realised I had!  It appears I have stored every single strong emotion deep inside me since I was a child, and they now want to come out and party.  I was trained to be a people pleaser from a young age, the side effect is resentment for putting yourself second.

Anyway, after waking at 4:30am in rage about the past, again, I started looking for answers. Found this excellent article. BTW, I have had numerous years of counselling so I have learnt the cause of my issues but never really dealt with the emotions. My family dynamics are dysfunctional and deep routed.

This is probably useful for any of you who have put other people come before themselves in the quest to becoming a mummy (or daddy in case there are men reading):

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/how-to-let-go-of-a-resentment.html

Holding onto anger is like holding on to a burning rock, the only person you hurt is yourself.

*Follow These 4 Steps to Let Go of Resentments*
Step One- Make a list of all the people you have resentments towards. If you do this honestly, then the list should be pretty long. Include ANYTHING that gives you an automatic negative feeling. You can also include places and institutions (a school you attended, an airport you had a bad experience in) nothing is too trivial or too small.

Step Two- Next to the person's name; write what they did to cause you to resent them. Again, nothing is too small. If you resent your boss, it may be because that person gives you unreasonable deadlines, or could simply be because you don't like their hair. The reason for the resentment doesn't have to "make sense"-it just has to be honest. This is where it will get hard, and you will feel worse than you did before starting. Try to have faith that the end result will be worth it-because it will be!

Step Three- Now you write what part of your life each resentment affects. If you resent an old teacher who made you feel inferior, you might say that it affects your self-esteem or confidence. The point is to become acutely aware of the specific ways that the resentment is impacting your identity, and your ability to feel safe, secure, and loved.

Step Four- Next to the reason, or cause for resentment, you are going to write down your part. This is how YOU have contributed to the problem. Back to our boss example, at this point you've established that you resent your boss, that you resent your boss because of unreasonable deadlines. Your part in this problem could be that you never spoke up and asked for less work.

This is where honesty and willingness come in. You must be honest about your part, and willing to admit it. Otherwise, you may get stuck.

Taking It All in
Now, read from left to right. You should be able to develop a clear picture of who you resent, why you resent them, the negative ways that it affects your life, and the part you played in all of it. Understanding your resentments by breaking them down will hopefully start the process of evolving from a person who constantly lives in a generalized cycle of resentment, fear, and anger, and help you transition into someone who can identify the source of their feelings and target specific areas they want to work on.

The purpose of this writing assignment is to experience freedom by letting go of secrets, fears, and lies which we have been holding onto, and getting these issues out of our heads, and onto paper. What is done with the paper afterwards is up to you. Some people choose to share it with a trusted friend; others burn it as a symbolic gesture of surrendering those feelings.

This is a tried and true method adapted from the 12-step program model, which literally ANYONE can do. Unlike expensive therapy, this will cost you nothing, other than the price of a pen and paper. What do you have to lose?

/links


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Hi dee dee, I can see this be very helpful and willing be giving it a go. I just hope I have a big enough piece of paper.

Thank you so much for sharing this.


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

I'm going to give it a go too!  I figure it might help me be more positive.
I have found a spare A4 pad when clearing out today. I bet I fill it.


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