# Juggling Work Commitments with Fertility Treatment ...



## Baby Blue (Feb 20, 2010)

*Juggling Work Commitments with Fertility Treatment*

I will be starting treatment on my next cycle and intend to continue every cycle thereafter.

My employer knows that I have had a few medical appointments recently but I have not told my manager why. I have a reasonably demanding job and busy work diary with lots of meetings. So far, I've managed to fit my medical appointments around my work schedule but there will come a time when I need to go for a scan at the same time as an important work commitment.

How have others managed this conflict? Did you tell your employer and at what stage? What was their reaction?

Thank you, Baby Blue


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Baby Blue

I started a new job a week after I started my first IVF cycle, albeit with a company and a manager I had worked for previously.  I tried to just say I had some medical appointments and would have to go in for day surgery at some point, giving a rough estimate of the date.  However, I didn't respond well to the drugs so my cycle got longer and longer and my "day surgery" date kept getting put back!  I found it very stressful as I couldn't explain why the date was moving and at one point I told my boss that "the hospital weren't happy with the way I was responding to the drugs", at which point he thought there was something seriously wrong with me, which he told when I eventually told him everything!   

Anyway, I did tell him and he has been absolutely wonderful about it.  He said I didn't need to make up the hours I had lost (about 6 altogether) for appointments.  I did take annual leave for my EC and on my OTD.  He has also allowed me to carry over some leave into the new leave year so I can use it if I need to go abroad for treatment.

Only you will know what is best for you, but for me it was a huge relief to tell my boss what I was doing.  I did find out before I told him that his wife had had 6 miscarriages so I thought he might be quite understanding.

Good luck with whatever you decide  
GIA Tooxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Baby Blue,

It's so stressful isn't it,   to you. The whole 'to tell or not to tell' is particularly tricky and probably depends quite a lot on your relationship with your manager/team etc. 
I have not told - I work in a very male dominated team, the majority of whom, including my boss, are in their 40s/50s, married with children, quite conservative and I have a feeling they would not really understand my situation. They know I am single and I think they might be a bit shocked. And I don't want to do or say anything which might jeopardise my role at work - the maternity benefits are great and I want to keep the job  

So I have mostly juggled appointments and made excuses - I've had dentists, deliveries to wait at home for, gas engineers, 24hour bugs etc. The one time EC date changed at the last minute, I said I had a migraine. I feel a bit bad about lying but I've really put in the hours over the past 6 years there and so I don't feel that guilty....

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do,
Suitcase
x


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## sweet1 (Oct 5, 2008)

It's very hard. I am taking Norethisterone at the moment to delay AF by a week to tie in with flying out to Reprofit. Haven't worked out how I will get time off, or where, to go for a scan yet though. I don't like the thought of taking any drugs tbh but it's just not going to work otherwise. And the witch hasn't yet arrived so fingers crossed the plan is working so far (although the heavy feeling 'down there' is really rather unpleasant)

Luckily I am just doing IUI for the moment, I can imaging IVF would be a lot more involved and if I get to that will probably try and book a coupe of weeks off at a time and just take it as annual leave.

Good luck, I'm sure it will work out 

And P.S. the  very first moment I intend my employer to find out is if/when I am 3 months pg


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## cocochanel1 (Oct 15, 2009)

Souvenir's don't get any better than that Cem! xxx


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

I'm hoping for a souvenir just like that Cem!!  

It is hard juggling tx with work, not only getting time off for tx but also concentrating on work when you are there!! That was the hard part for me the first time round, I just couldn't concentrate  

As for getting time off I've made different excuses, I hate lying but I'd rather do that than not have tx. Last time I was very evasive and said I had personal stuff to do, as I'd previously said I had some gynae stuff going on (so that I could get time off for a scan) my manager assumed it was that, and although she kept asking I refused to tell her. She did ask me if I had a D&C which I thought was a bit much!!!   It is easier if your boss is male cos you say the word 'gynae' and they just don't want to know   I am lucky in that I can take time off at short notice if no one else has leave at the same time. 

Good luck, but I have no doubt you'll work it out, as others said, if there's a will there is a way  
bingbong x


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## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

I had a fantastic boss during my tx who had gone through tx with his wife. They also had IUI so he understood the process. I had a close enough relationship with him to confide in him from day one. I also have back problems so my appointments were put in the work diary as physio appts. It depends a lot on time off procedures where you work. Some places require appointment cards to be presented before you get time off, others are more relaxed. Best of luck everyone.
Sam x


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

oh this is a hard one isn't it!  

I'm self employed which brings a little more flexibilitiy in terms of blocking out time in my diary for potential TTC but then if that means turning away work it is lost £££ for the TTC fund anyway.  I'm not restricted on number of holidays a year so that's something ...and I spend 5 separate weeks in Brno over 12months plus had some real holidays as well so there's no way I could have managed that if employed.  Now I'm hoping to have treatment at Care Notts.....the first possible chance will be early April (if they give me go ahead at my appt on Tues and start me down-regging straight away as tues is day 21 of current cycle) ...I have kept the April week free apart from one training workshop commitment which might fall between EC and ET (and have someone lined up as back up associate to deliver if can't be me).....but then realised April was prob quite a long shot......so if May it is a bit trickier....coincidentally I am going to be working in Notts anyway 1.5 days per week from mid April to end May.....might end up perfect with EC /ET falling either side of workshop commitments but if shifts a bit I don't know what I could do as this is new workshop that client only wants me to deliver.....don't even want to think about it!!!!!! 

where you're not you're own boss I think the decision on telling boss is such a tricky one and relies on weighing up lots of factors.....how sympathetic they will be and whether they will actually be on your side and make things easier.  Difficult call! 

..Winky


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Baby Blue

I think working out what to tell work about treatment is quite difficult.  I was treated at a Womens Hospital so was able to just say that I had an appointment there and on my medicated cycle just said I needed to have a series of scans there.  My manager just expressed concern, saying 'I hope everything is ok' but didn't ask any questions.

I was very wary about telling any fibs to work in case it backfired on me once I got pregnant.  If your employer finds out that you had fertility treatment to get pregnant and works out the dates to a time you were off for a fabricated reason it could make things very awkward.  At the time of my treatment my employers had recently fired someone because they had a day off for a job interview, their work was covered at considerable expense, the employer checked up on them and they hadn't gone to the interview - this is what made me so wary!  I think, if at all possible you should tell them the truth, even if it is an edited version, that way you don't have the stress of trying to cover it up.

Some1

xx


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## Baby Blue (Feb 20, 2010)

To:  GIAToo, Suitcase of Dreams, Sweet SA, Cem, BingBong, Going it Alone and Wink77

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me - this is very helpful  . 

It does feel like this is going to be almost as stressful as the fertility treatment itself ... 

I will definitely not say anything right now but as my treatment progresses I'm sure that I will feel under more and more pressure to say 'something' particularly if I have to miss meetings.  If my hospital can be flexible with appointment times then that will help to relieve the pressure too.

Thank you, Baby Blue


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## ambergem (Feb 14, 2010)

Hi Baby Blue

This was a really tricky one for me too. For my IUI's I managed to get by like the other ladies by saying i had hospital or doctors appointments but not really elaborating but it did become really stressful trying to arrange days off at short notice. Because i have my tx in London and i live in Northampton it means i need a whole morning or afternoon off work just for a 10 min scan!! 

In the end i decided to tell my boss before i embarked on IVF as i knew I'd need more time off and i was worried about him putting two and two together about time off for tx if i got pregnant (as some1 said). As it happened he was absolutely lovely and very supportive and I'm so glad i told him. Throughout this journey one of the things that surprises me the most is peoples reaction to my tx. My 63 year old male boss has been a hundred times more supportive of my decision than some of my "closest" friends!!!

Anyway i think the point I'm trying to make (not very well) is that you have to weigh up the risk of telling your boss and maybe getting a less than positive response against the stress of having to keep thinking of excuses for missing work and the risk of getting caught out. You really need to try and be as stress-free as poss because the tx itself is stressful enough!!

Take care and good luck    

Lxx


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