# Putting on a brave face...



## PollyT (Aug 10, 2012)

So, my situation is that I have had four failed attempts at icsi. My last attempt being last December. After that we decided to have a break & get married. 
In the mean time by older sister has become pregnant via ivi (2nd attempt) and obviously I am pleased for her. The trouble is that I have been dealing with it my own way in order to come to to terms with it. I'm sure most people reading are familiar with the feelings of bitterness and resentment but wouldn't actually want that person to know how you feel! 
My family just don't get it and try to compare my situation to hers. I'm not playing iui down but we all know that it is nowhere on the scale of icsi and ivf. My sisters first attempt was successful with an early miscarriage and then she was successful the second time.
My sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy this morning and I am truly happy for her but obviously can't control my feelings of sadness for myself. I spoke to her on the phone and she said "oh don't do it" and "adoption is the way forward" I mean ...really? I know she's probably not thinking but it is just not the sort of thing I want to hear.
I'm going to visit her at the weekend when I am going to have to put on this big brave face and smiles for her and the rest of the family but deep down I will just want to burst into tears! I know my mum and other family members won't even think about it. My other sister will be there and she has an 2 year old so I am also aware that there will be lots more family events and I will be even more excluded as I don't have a baby to join in with.
Sorry for the rant but there is no one outside if this forum who I know who can relate to my situation in any way


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh flower, it really does suck doesn't it.

This is so all consuming that it's impossible to see out of our own trauma and isolation and be happy for others.  I know that it wrenches my heart out to be around people who seemingly have everything and are still completely insensitive.  Others will never know and infertility is the hidden 'disease' that people just don't want to know about, or who treat it like some sort of nice to have.

Visiting a new born baby is stuff of nightmares for most of us.  You are a strong and wonderful woman for going.  Sometimes we just have to do the impossible, suck up all of the nonsense and 'advice' and then give yourself an enormous treat for being the fantastic person that you are......then come here and rant / cry all you need.

I know that it won't help you now, and that it isn't the case for everyone, but it does eventually get easier with siblings.  I sort of see my sister as not counting in a weird way, maybe their just easier to blank out   xx


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## PollyT (Aug 10, 2012)

Thankyou Molly, it's just good to hear from someone who does actually know where you are coming from! I do know what you mean about it getting easier, to be honest it has with my sisters 2 year old, I think it's just the whole new born thing! I also know this won't be the last! Xx


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