# First IVF consultation - thoughts please?



## Mrs Woman (Oct 25, 2008)

So my appointment was this afternoon. It went well and looks like we are still on course for starting treatment Jan/Feb. We dropped off DHs sperm sample on the way there. I am panicking at the moment that I let it get too hot coz when we left it was like gloop and when we got to the hospital it was like water  . I had it in my cleavage for most of the way but then transferred to between my legs but forgot that I had the heated seat on - I hope to god it comes back ok  . We know his sperm is good as he has managed to get me pregnant 5 times!

My Day 21 bloods were good and showed I had ovulated - figure of 33 but not sure what that means exactly. My Day 1-3 bloods showed my FSH was 17. Doc wasnt happy with that, it was on the high side apparently so I have to repeat it this cycle. He wants it to be 15 or below and we will just have to keep testing until it comes down. Again, fingers x that it came back high coz i had to have it done on day 3 coz that was a Monday. Have to wait to see if GP will agree to do Day 1 bloods, if not wil have to pay.

He is also going to write to GP to see if they will do Hep B and C screening and HIV test. Some GPs dont like to do it in case it comes back as positive so thats another wait and see.

He was really good at explaining everything and understood why DH doesnt want to be there for the EC (He has seen me suffer too much over the past year and doesnt want to see anymore). My DH is adamant that he doesnt want twins and the doc has suggested that we consider only putting 1 embie back. Swedish studies have suggested that for my age this has just as much success as putting 2 back but I am not sure. I know it would make DH happy and make him feel better, but i want to maximise our chances. however, the complications that can come with a multiple pregnancy do scare me and maybe 1 would be better - I am just not sure.

So now we have to wait for all the test results to come back and take it from there. For once in my life I want to be umremarkable and average and for everything to go smoothly.

Since the appointment DH hasnt spoken and is refusing to talk about the whole thing. I know it all really scares him and he is really worried about things going wrong after what happened in the summer - I am leaving him in his cave for the time being and waiting for him to start the conversation rather than push it. Has anyone else had this experience with their DH?


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## jasmine372 (Dec 5, 2008)

hi Mrs Woman
not sure if you still read this thread as i see you started it in dec.
just wanted to tell you im in the same boat as regards your DH not talking. i have started a thread in relationships called' advice re communication with bf over 1st icsi.' maybe u can read and pass on some advice to me!

he must have come round tho as i see you are starting DR very sson. all the very best for you both....

Jasmine x


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## Mrs Woman (Oct 25, 2008)

Hi Jasmine,

Sorry but I probably being blind (and still finding my way around the boards) but couldnt find the relationships board.  Sorry to hear that you OH isnt talking much either, its so hard isnt it.  

I cant really say that we have talked much since December but we have had some discussions.  I have to wait for him to talk to me, it goes back to the whole man in the cave scenario.  If I try and bring up a subject and he is not ready then we just end up arguing and I get  upset because he has said something that is really negative.

He usually chooes to start discussions when we are in the car or out shopping - the most inappropriate of places.  

He says that it takes him longer to get his head around things and that I just have to wait for him to catch up.  Its fair to say that I am leading this journey - he finds it very unnatural to be relying on this treatment and doesnt like the clinicalness of it all.  I think because we already have DD he still finds it hard to accept that this is the place we are in and have to rely on science to help us have another baby.  What happened to me last summer was very traumatic and in some ways more for him than for me.  He is very worried about going through this process and something awful happening again - he has already said that he doesnt want to be with me for EC or ET because he cant face watching me go through another clinical procedure.  I am fine with that and totally understand his reasons.

I am not sure that there is really much advice in there for except that i found you have to wait for them to open up to you.  its incredibly frustrating and I find his reactions to certain situations really annoying (whenever we visit the clinic he goes really quiet and wont talk at all) but I have to accept that is his way of dealing with it and the best thing for us both is to leave him alone to get his around it.  Thats when my friends come into play and places like this - so that I can do the talking that I need.


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi hun

Just saw your post and want to give you a 

Men eh!!  

My DH is so different, he will talk about it, but i am the one leading everything. He is the one with the problem so i feel that i have to keep calm for him, buton the other hand he has to look after me through the proceedures and the aftermath.

It must of been so hard on him seeing you in pain etc. But please don't take this the wrong way, but my DH has said he has not got the maternal yearning that us women have and if it came to it, would except life without children. So maybe your DH is not too worried as you have your DD and cannot cope with seeing you in anymore pain.

As regards to EC, it is fine, you are sedated and do not feel anything. He will have to be there as he has to give his 'stuff'!!! ET is nothing, it last for a few mins and is painless again, its like having a smear. It is the exciting bit out of all this.

Here is the link you were looking for

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=178492.0

Hopefully you wil get him out of his cave!!! Good luck


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## jasmine372 (Dec 5, 2008)

hi mrs woman

thanks for the reply. i think you have to have posted 30 posts before you can access the relationship page but i was told to go to the games forums and post a few there which is quicker to get the total up!!

thanks for your advice, caveman attitude indeed, !!! im getting fed up of waiting, im 37 and i know what i want , so what am i meant to do? put my fertility on hold until he catches up and when he does, i might have rotten eggs!!! besides he has kids already whch is great for him but not me... call me selfish but i want some of my own.!  ok i know im being impatient but ive hardly got time on my side.....

bf sounds like yours. he doesnt say anything in the clinic appts and then when we re out, he asks me questions !!

GRRRRR!!


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## Mrs Woman (Oct 25, 2008)

Mini mouse - You are so right and that men dont have the same maternal yearning that we do.  DH has said the same thing but that he knows how important it is to me to have another child  and he wants to give me what I want.  He doesnt like the baby stage at all and so he has said that is what puts him off but that he too wants another child but that if i wasnt so keen he wouldnt necessarily be pusuing it.

He is very worried about the whole process and how it will affect me after last year and I completely understand that.  Obviously he will be there for the EC to do his bit but the clinic did give him the option of being there to hold my hand during the procedure but he has declined.  I am ok with that and like i said understand why he wouldnt want to be there.

Jasmine - You are not selfish at all for wanting children of your own, the maternal instinct is one of the basic and natural instincts and one you cant ignore.  When the instinct kicks in there is just no ignoring it.  My DH does the same as yours and asks me all the questions when we get out of the appointments!!!!!  I think this is just because it is so much to take in for them.  Good luck with enticing him out of the cave, its frustrating but Ihave found once they start talking you just have to sit there and listen and there is no stopping them!  We want everything to happen yesterday and they would prefer it all to happen tomorrow


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Mrs Woman

As long as you remind him how important it is to have another child and how happy it would be then i think he will be ok with it.  
As for EC at our clinic the partners are not in the room.  we are sedated so no hand holding required there!! Obvioiulsy each clinic is different.  Tell him ET is nothing and he won't see anything as you will have a sheet over your 'bits'!!   and it doesn't hurt!  

He sounds like he just has your interests and health at heart and is being a typical man!!!


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