# Just found out our Known Donor has azoospermia!



## TwoBumps (Nov 22, 2007)

We are totally stunned to have found out this evening that our wonderful, kind, patient friend (and known donor!) has no sperm. None at all!
He's finally been to see his GP today to discuss the test result (which was done in August) and was told the sample had high viscosity but NO sperm. His GP asked him if he'd ever had mumps as a child & advised him to have a sample retested but was of the opinion that not much can be done to improve/ bypass a complete absence of sperm. Well, I don't suppose it takes a GP to work that one out!! We don't know how we can support him, athough he said he felt ok, just shocked.  If it wasn't for us asking him to help us he would have been blissfully unaware of his condition so we're feeling a bit guilty & responsible.

We are also in total shock. What else can possibly go wrong on our TTC journey? Obviously we can revert to using anonymous donor sperm and thankfully at least we have that as an option. But we had so much felt that we wanted him as our children's father, helping us to create the genetic link between the two of us & our children and also to be able to help the children make sense of their identity. He's such a lovely man & would make a wonderful father. We're sure he'll still play a part in our children's lives, whatever happens, but this is such a disappointment for us all.

Why is this being made so difficult for us? Whatever can go wrong next?!


----------



## Pinktink (Dec 17, 2008)

I don't know what to say   I know thats no help but didn't want to read and run!

xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I'll pm you as have been in a similar situation
L x


----------



## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

Oh wow. What a shock that must have been/be for you all. 

On the plus side, you do still have options, and he can still be as much a part of your future children's life as you wish. 

We stopped using our first known donor (a good friend) for other reasons than this, but when we realised we'd have to stop we felt a real sense of loss. Like you, we knew he could still be a part of our future child's life. As it happens, he's now moved to Australia and has never even met our daughter (although he might be visiting in February next year). Things change, but you'll come out the other side and things will work out eventually.

Best wishes to you through this.

Gina. x


----------



## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Oh Lottiemaz i cannot believe it   Glad you can still revert bacj to anon sperm but still its a real shame for all of you.


----------



## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Lottie, 

I'm really sorry to hear this. Sounds as if you had become very close with this gentleman too.    You can't but help feel sorry for him, have you spoken to him since? It must be a shock to the system for all of you. 

It certainly isn't the right thing to say, but at least you have the back up option of ging back through the lists of anon donors and even maybe trying to find another KD.

Try to say both stay positive, they say things happen for a reason, even though this must feel like a low blow xx


----------



## TwoBumps (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi,
Thanks to you all for your kind words. 
We're still in shock about the results but now we've had time to adjust to the idea, we've discovered that there _might_ be some options still open to us. It'll all depend on whether the problem is due to a lack of production of sperm or if it's that there is a blockage in his 'plumbing'.
Even though we've known our KD for many years, we're not sure how to approach the question about where we go next with this. We already had an appointment booked at the LGI for next week, which was supposed to be to arrange the 6 month quarantine freeze for his sperm ready for the next IVF, so we're going to all go along & explain the situation & see what they suggest as the next move. I think we'll then see how he reacts if surgery is suggested as an option as to whether we then have that discussion with him. It may be that our only option is reverting to anonymous donor sperm which would be a shame but we're still grateful to at least have that as a back up plan.

Someone's not making this easy for us, are they...!?


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

LottieMAz it is hard discussing issues but in the end you will be able to he'll also feel bad for you and letting you down and in the long run it may bring you all closer together.
Do you all go to the appts together? might help
L x


----------



## TwoBumps (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi JJ1,
Up to now we've only been to appointments about me & DW so we've gone as just the two of us as all our previous treatment has been using anon sperm. The appointment next week is (_was_?) our first one to organise us having treatment with our KD so we were all going together. We'd been doing home insems in the meantime whilst we awaited the appointment (after having the safety health tests obviously!) and had planned to continue with the home insems until the quarantine period was up, but there doesn't seem much point now.
We feel so sorry for him because _we _ put him in this situation. Like you, the reason we asked him to be our donor was because of his lovely qualities. When he agreed we were over the moon. We'd still love to be able to go ahead with him (if that's an option?) for all the reasons we first chose him, but we don't want to assume that he will want to continue if it means him having surgery. We want him to know that if there can be a way forwards for us we'll be happy to continue with him if that's what he wants, but we don't want to put him in the awkward position of having to feel like he's letting us down if he decides he doesn't want to continue.

You're right though, there's no way around it other than to have those discussions, once we know the options... if there are any.

Thanks again for your support xx


----------



## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

lottie!!     poor you guys!  poor donor/friend ... it is such a twisty tale for you guys isnt it?


----------



## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

What an awful discovery for you all, such a shock. 
I'm really sorry, such disappointing news, and with so many implications. And so sad if ultimately it means that your friend can't be the donor that you hoped would help create your child.
There must be so many emotions going round for you all, and it's not surprising if there's some awkwardness talking about it. However, your last post showed such sensitivity towards him - I don't think that it would be at all inappropriate to say all of this to him, quite possibly via an e-mail if that's easier than face-to-face, as it would show him how much you appreciate him, and what he may be going through, without requiring an immediate response from him. I think it would be far better to have a brief e-mail communication than to say nothing at all before you meet next week, as it's the kind of situation where he could feel ignored/abandoned (even though clearly that is not your intent at all), and it would probably make meeting up then, a lot less awkward, because he will know that whatever the physical/biological problems, you love and appreciate him as a person, and still want him to be involved in your lives.
Many good wishes and love to you all


----------



## TwoBumps (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi all,
Just thought I'd update you on this week...
I managed to get hold of the hospital regarding our appointment next week. They said (in a nice way) that there is no point taking our donor as we will now have to revert back to using anon donor sperm. They said that even if his next SA shows some sperm (which she was 99% certain in wont) it still wouldn't be enough to use in ICSI. Even though they hadn't actually met him yet, she offered counselling for him if he wants it.
I've spoken to him a few times since then & he does seem ok. He said that because he was literally going to be a 'donor' for us, although we had all planned for him to be known to the child(ren), he didn't have the same emotional attachment to the situation as we did. He's also started signing off his texts as 'the seedless jaffa' (he's ginger!) so hopefully his lighthearted attitute towards it is real and not just a cover-up.
xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I hope that he is ok, but for me the reason why I stayed wtih my KD it would have changed the way that I had planned the life for my child etc knowing their father etc- that's how I felt if I went down a anonymous donor route.  

I can understand what the clinic are saying but our first sample we were told there were 3 sperm in the sample on subsequent tests have had 5 million and for ICSI you only need one! If you wanted to pursue and have a second opinion- look at the stories on the male factor thread, and men who have had surgical excision of sperm and then only had a few but fathered their child.

Good Luck to you all and really hope that you get your baby with anon sperm or alternaive donor
XX


----------



## TwoBumps (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi,
Thanks for all your very supportive posts over the last week or so.
We had our clinic appointment yesterday & discussed the situation thoroughly with our consultant. Following the chat, we've decided to definitely revert to using anon donor sperm, mainly due to mine & DW's ages and the length of time it could potentially take to investigate our KD's absence of sperm. Unfortunately we don't have _loads_ of time to carry on ttc, particularly when we consider our lack of success so far.
It's been a difficult decision to come to, but now that we've made it we will be able to commence our 4th IVF cycle within the next couple of months.

Our consultant told us that 30-40% of men who apply to be sperm donors don't actually 'make the grade' when they have their sperm analysed, so apparently it's not unusual for a healthy man to have sperm problems. However, he's asked us to get our KD to see his GP to ask to be referred to a Urologist as in rare cases, complete azoospermia can be a sign of an underlying condition, which I'm not even going to type the name of because I don't want to tempt fate! We're praying that it's not that, but he needs to get checked out just in case.

Thanks again to everyone who has given us their support with this situation.

Lottie & Maz xx


----------



## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

That is a real shame that you are having to "close the door" on having your friend as a donor, but at least now you know what you are going to do, and are able to move forward with having treatment relatively quickly. 
I know that everyone talks about TTC being a rollercoaster ride, but you two have really had more than your fair share of twists and turns  

Very much hope that your friend doesn't have the underlying condition


----------



## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Lottie and Maz - loads of   , this must have beena really trying time for you and your donor, life throws some tought stuff sometimes..good that you can move forward with treatment but sad that you have to lose your freind as a donor...hope he is ok and doesn't have any problems...   

em x


----------

