# Starting another cycle tomorrow - am i making a mistake



## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Hi all
I have a 6 month old daughter from a FET cycle following my first failed attempt at ICSI. As soon as I had my daughter I felt I wanted 3 more - I only ever wanted 1 before I had her. 
My husband has agreed one more go at ICSI but were both terrified. Part of us thinks we have used up all our luck having our daughter and were not sure about all the risks that go along with another pregnancy. I had preeclampsia and had an emergency c-section in the end with a bleed. 
We are rushing because im 39 already and I have crohns. Its in complete remission but we don't know how long that will last. When we wanted to start treatment I got diagnosed with crohns and it delayed treatment 1 year. We don't want to risk that again. 

At the IVF clinic they treated me a bit like I was mad and I should just be enjoying my daughter. My MIL is the same even though she has 4 kids. Most people that say I should only have 1 have more than 1 but they didn't need treatment. 
Im having such serious doubts today im thinking of delaying it all. Alternatively were thinking we will just get the embryos and then freeze them and wait until our daughter is older to use them. I just don't know. 
My daughter is perfect, we do loads of baby classes, have made great friends and I love being her mum. She is so easy to take to my own sports events aswell. Were also looking at the chance to send her to private school - we could never do that with 2 babies. Life is just about perfect. I don't have to rush back to work soon either. but then when I think of being pregnant ill be tired, probably a bit sicky and terrified ill lose the baby to preeclampsia and it makes me wander what the hell im doing. 
We have agreed this is the last attempt and my husband asks a lot about how will I manage with 2 young children and I say I just will. But what's managing got to do with it- I love it as we are but im so old I just cant wait longer for the eggs really. 
Maybe we should just go with collecting eggs and freeze them. Then we have options in the future. Aggghhhhh

I saw coweyes (I think it was coweyes - not sure about FET for number 2) recent post and in a way your so lucky. I wish I didn't want number 2, I really do. I wish I could put this whole IVF yukky journey behind me. I never thought id want number 2 before I had 1. 
Cripes now I think ive talked myself in to storing the embryos and just enjoying my daughter. I drive myself mad sometimes. 
Sorry for all the waffle.


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Congratulations on your daughter.

I think in many ways starting the cycle and seeing how you get on sounds like the way forward ( i assume you're not bf ). That way you can decide if you do a freeze all or go foret. 

I would say that you should check your clinics stats for fet as they vary hugely - generally more than for fresh cycles.

Good luck deciding.

Oh and i cant tell you if two is hardr than one as i've never had one. But i plan on doing a freeze all de cycle with transfer at the start of next year as i want more. 

Like you i had an emergency c-section. I developed hellp syndrome - a severe form of preeclampsia.  The drs have given me a 25-50% chance of recurrence if i have another multiple pregnancy. A friend of mine who had hellp with her first was only given a 10% chance of recurrence ( hers was a natural conception with a singleton ) She now has a second little boy and was fine.

I know they say you should be on aspirin 75-100mg once daily as it reduces chances of recurrence. I was on it anyway for clotting probs.

The other thing to remember is they will monitor your next pregnancy more closely as you has pe in your first.

Oh and my mum and a lot of her friends had pe in their 1st preg and not with subsequent so she tells me not to worry.

There is also a trial going on atm in edinburgh looking at statin use to prevent pe.

X x


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Thanks for your reply meirran. Sounds like you went through the mill to get your twins - I love the thought of twins, maybe not the pregnancy but afterwards 
I had a complete wobble this morning so I spoke to my clinic for more information. They have a higher success for fresh cycle than FET (even though our daughter was FET). They said it was worth freezing embryos now if I wanted to wait a few years for the next baby but were thinking of trying next year. They said in that case its best to do another fresh cycle next year. My AMH was bad but is now good (Im sure the crohns flare affected it previously and its now recovered). I had a limit of when I was 40 to stop treatment. However ive decided thats silly. My risk of pregnancy and issues with the baby wont suddenly go up when im 40. So im not doing anything at the moment treatment wise and im going to see when the time feels right next year rather than rushing to do it before March when im 40.
Maybe then I will be less nervous about the pregnancy if were lucky enough to conceive and I will have had longer with my daughter. 
I just woke this morning and thought what the hell am I doing. My daughter is only 5 months. It doesn't matter if im 40 when I have a second. So what. So I told myself to stop panicking and rushing. And strangely I feel more content with the idea of just having 1 baby. At monkey music today I was struggling to lift her as she us heavy and I have back problems so all the sitting on the floor does me in. I never felt so old as I did this morning. So maybe 1 baby is for the best. 

Great to have the forum to do a brain dump on as it helped clarify things even if no on could understand the rant very well!


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Glad you've made a decision and are happy with it  You're right - there is no sudden jump in problems. And this way you get to spend time with dd and see how you feel next year. 
There are advantages to having the one too - no division of time or money. So there is no right or wrong - just what is right for you.

X x


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