# No More Miracles - Parents Place To Chat *



## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN MOVED FROM THE BABYDUST BOARD 

Hi everyone, welcome to this new thread.

We have decided to set this new thread up after an idea from one of our Moderator's who is also a Mum blessed with a miracle.

*No More Miracles.....*

*This thread is for Mums or Dads of miracles who have decided to stop TTC completely, either naturally or through treatments*. Its a place to chat about moving on and coming to terms with the acceptance of not trying for any further children due to financial or emotional restraints etc.

Please post here as often as you like but would ask that we respect the thoughts, posts and opinions of others.

Amanda  x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

OK so here I am, with the most amazing miracle boy, my adorable and very very special Matthew.  I can't face any more tx, and DP especially can't and doesn't even want to ttc naturally because we need to move on.    

I think I always knew that I wanted a large family, and I knew it would be a struggle to be satisfied with just one baby.  But I am quite stunned by how broody I am sometimes.  All my antenatal and NCT groups are talking about planning their next baby, two of them are already pg again, and an old friend of mine who was one of my last friends to conceive just called me up today and told me she's pg.  And back come all those feelings I had when I was TTC the first time.  Every pg announcement (except FF ones) hits me really hard.  I'm finding it amazingly hard to move on, it makes me feel guilty because I know there are so many people on this site who'd give their right arm to have a first baby, and it makes me feel guilty towards Matthew because he should be enough.  And in many ways he is, it's just a very unspecific but desperate urge to have another baby - I want to see another line on a pee stick, I want another bump, I want to breastfeed again, though I'm not sure about labour!!  Hey that's why you forget it probably so you even want that too!   

If another tx was guaranteed to work I'd do it tomorrow, but it's not guaranteed, and I'm not sure DP would do it anyway.  I also feel so lucky to have Matthew, I'm really very scared that if I tried again something would go horribly wrong.  And I/we really don't want to get back into ttc naturally, all that monthly heartache, can't bear the thought and I want to concentrate on bringing up my special little man and not go through any more pain thinking about IF. It took up so much of my life Andy would never want to go there again. 

I'm sure I'm not alone in this, hopefully we can send each other cuddles if anyone's feeling the same.  

I'm working on some positive thoughts too, I'll share them with you soon  

Claire x


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## pollttc (Nov 18, 2004)

What an interesting thread - I can only agree with much of what you've said Claire. I'm terribly broody. I'd love to be pg again and to b/f. But then I do worry about how we'd cope financially and physically with another one - but then I'd like D to have a sibling but then isn't she enough after all those years of trying and then what if something went wrong or our next one wasn't as easy and amenable as Daisy and then ... etc - the arguments  slip back and forth. Of course, this sounds like conception would be easy in the first place Ha Ha! 
DH and I can't make a rational decision because all the rational arguments are against another one but we'd both quite like another. Currently we've decided not to try and stop any miracle of nature - of course, all this supposes we're not completely knackered all the time so actually have energy to try. We've given it til D's second birthday naturally and then we have THE DISCUSSION about whether or not to investigate our frosties - may or may not go there.  
DH is already aware that he's an old father and isn't sure if he wants to be an older one so we have a time limit there. 
Every month I'm both relieved and disappointed that I'm not pg!

How odd - you'd have thought I'd have got over all this with the arrival of Daisy.

Not sure I have an answer at all -dilemma dilemma
And we seem to be working and stressing about cash and the future etc all the time anyway so would it be fair to bring an extra person into that - although it might force us to make the change of life we keep talking about.

Hmmm?

Poll


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## nicky30 (Sep 23, 2003)

I am not sure if I belong here or on the Hoping for Another Miracle thread. Very undecided and confused but as Ethan is still so young I don't feel under too much pressure yet but it is certainly on my mind (not helped by discussions at NCT meets etc). 

Poll - like you I think what if another one wasn't such an easy baby or there were problems with the baby or pregnancy. Apart from the 6 years of trying once we got the BFP it has all been plain sailing and I know I am blessed compared to some parents. Do I want to spend Ethan's precious toddler years in a haze of IVF hormones wasting money we could be spending on him feeling bereft (sp?) if it didn't work. Like you we are leaving it to chance but bizarrely feel relieved to get my period each month - a strange and new experience!!! I think that is more because Ethan is still not going through the night and the thought of coping with a newborn seems overwhelming at the moment. The other day we were contemplating BMS and I said 'Maybe we should wait until tomorrow as that will be Day 14 and I may just manage to ovulate' and then I thought No No No I am not doing this monthly torture again for another 6 years. 

Claire - I agree. If tx success rates were higher I would probably relax and enjoy Ethan and then plan for tx in a few years but the thought of 3 more attempts (based on last time) leaves be feeling exhausted at the prospect of it. I do not want to remember Ethan's childhood as a time I spent always searching for something more.

I think I need to have a long hard think about if/why I want another one. I think at the moment it is 95% for Ethan to experience having a sibling. I don't yet have a longing for experiencing pregnancy, b'f or a young baby again. Maybe I will in a few months though?

Bit of ramble   Will be really interested to see how others feel.

Nicky x


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Like Nicky not sure if I belong here or not.

I feel terribly broody sometimes & would love to have another baby. To know what I am doing & be able to relax & really enjoy the time instead of worrying about how to do things etc!

It took us 6 long years to conceive my little miracle & at the age of 40 with him to look after I'm not sure I could go through the stress of tx again. DH loves N to bits but has said he doesn't want another but if it were to happen naturally I think he would accept it.

I haven't accepted that I won't have another one but I do long for a natural miracle, should I accept that I'm blessed with one & move on now??

Gill
xx


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## pollttc (Nov 18, 2004)

Blimey we're all in a similar boat aren't we?? 
When my pgy was 'safe' with D I was so relieved that I could stop thinking about ttc and could concentrate on worrying about Daisy etc - really don't want to be thinking about ttc again - wish my brain didn't seem to be on overdrive!

Gill - I see you're in Portsmouth, whereabouts? I lived there for years - now otherside of Fareham , just off junction 9 - Sarisbury Green, do you know it??

Poll


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## Cuthbert (Oct 3, 2003)

Hi Girls!

I just typed a really long reply and then my computer crashed.  The upshot of it was that we were TTC for 4 years after Daniel and Charlotte arrived and finally (after lots of tests, HSG, laparoscopy, hysteroscopy) went through a second (and third because I was such a poor responder) and final ICSI cycle between September and November last year. The cycles used up all of our savings, and more besides, and my poor children really missed out on us focussing on them as they were starting school and should have been our focus. BUT we still believe that we had to do it or we'd have spent all our time wondering 'What if?'.

The fact that we are now at the end of our 10 year TTC journey is a HUGE relief and has changed my relationship with DH for the better - we're now able to concentrate on each other rather than on TTC. And I appreciate my children even more than I did before because we realise how completely blessed we are to have them. 

Gill, I understand how you're feeling and, while you're enjoying your precious miracle, there's no reason why you shouldn't still be hoping for that elusive natural miracle as long as it isn't getting in the way of other relationships.

Nicky, it's interesting to hear that you feel that you ought to try for a sibling for Ethan. It's hard for me to comment on this when I've never had a child without siblings but de won't miss out by not having any siblings because you'll be able to put so much time into your relationship with him - my two very rarely get one-to-one time from either parent. 

Poll, good luck with future decisions. It's not easy and in the end we went with our gut instinct.

Claire, I know what you mean about trying naturally and going back to waiting each month to see if anything's happened. When I became pregnant with Daniel and Charlotte, I was so relieved that the months of knicker-checking were at an end ... but it didn't turn out like that.

Good luck to you all with everything.

Jules


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## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

Hi all

Can I just take a moment here to reiterate all members that this thread is desperately needed by some of our members who have completely given up hope of ever having another baby by any means possible.

If you are trying still naturally or have the possibility of further fertility treatments in the future can I please ask that you move over to our "Hoping for another miracle" threads instead - link: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=153.0

We need to keep this thread as a sanctuary for members to post on who have absolutly no ttc hope left.

I don't wish to offend anyone posting on here, but feel it may be upsetting to the members who need this thread to read about others possibilities of TX/ttc in the future.

Thank you for your understanding 

Amanda x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Jules you sound very sorted and that makes me think I should probably pull myself together and concentrate on the positives.  
Yes there are many reasons why not ttc any more could be very liberating...... I'm still working on these in my head.......

Nicky you're so right.  I was gutted when Matthew stopped b/feeding and I know it was because I wouldnt ever do it again, and I could see his babyhood slipping away from me......I was conscious then that I mustn't waste precious moments with him by dwelling on the previous milestones so I tried to pull myself together and make the most of the next developmental stage, but I can't deny it has made me sad when he stops doing some things or starts doing others, and it reminds me that he's growing every day and not my baby any more.

One of my antenatal group said to me the other day, as we watched M bombing around the park while her little girl (not walking yet) looked on in bewilderment  "you so much wanted your baby Claire and you loved the baby stage.  Have you noticed how Matthew stopped breastfeeding before you wanted him to, walked at 9 months, held a bottle and fed himself earlier than our babies, climbs and now runs?   it's like he's doing everything he can to rebel against staying your little newborn!"     It's so true, he's going to keep me on the straight and narrow whether I like it or not!

This evening when I gave M his bath he was a little poppet.  He's been really poorly the last week, and spent most of the days whingeing.  Hardly an encouragement to want another!     Strangely the tiredness has made me more broody and feeling less able to cope with the heartache.      But this evening he was just so sweet and sat and played before he got in the tub and grinned and smiled at me as he chucked water all over me     And I thought I am complete, really I am, and owe it to him to not miss any of this thinking about the fact I won't have another baby.  But I'm going to need more of your inspiration Jules!    

The problem is that broodiness (as we all know from ttc no 1) isn't that rational is it?  

Claire xx


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## jane1604 (Feb 7, 2005)

We always said we wanted more than one but recently we have been discussing this. 

My DH was on dialysis for 2 years and then FIL selflessly gave him one of his own kidneys. Before the transplant I did a lot for him and he was in and out of hospital we tried to get on with our lives but couldnt avoid it controlling our lives. Life should have  been great after the transplant but 1 year later we were taken over by TTC  3 years on we were blessed with a bfp on our first icsi and now we have our amazing daughter.

We have 1 frostie dh thinks we should use this next time because he thinks FET would be easier on me (well physically) But a kidney transplant doesnt last forever no one knows how long it will last but estimates for living related donor are 15-20 years at best. We are 5 years in. IVF consultants believe that the cocktail of drugs dh takes are the cause of his low sperm count and if he goes back on dialysis it will be worse. So first instinct says save the frostie incase that happens and go for a full icsi cycle again. But DH worries about me caring for him Jenna and going through tx/being pregant/looking after another child being the sole earner

So bearing in mind that dialysis is inevitable we are starting to consider that Jenna is enough. I would like a sibling for her and I would like to be pregnant again, but we are starting to consider that having another child is not a sensible bearing in mind what lies ahead. So we have to decide whether to follow our hearts or our heads


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Jane honey have a little look on the Hoping for Another Miracle Board http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=153.0 , you may find some advice there, there's lots of ladies wondering what course of action to take.  you may find someone in a similar situation.

Best of luck
Claire x


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## pollttc (Nov 18, 2004)

Hi there 
Amanda 
Sorry - got carried away in my reply - hadn't meant to get so involved - you know how it is!

Poll


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## Bels (Aug 21, 2004)

Right,  think it's about time I posted here ...

As you probably know, my darling boy is 5 months old and for me, the pregnancy and having him has been the one of the highlights of my life and I firstly thank the heavens that I have been able to experience pregnancy, birth and motherhood, as I know many people on this site will unfortunately not achieve their dreams.

When I was ickle, I always "saw" more than one child in my life ... I didn't have a number in mind, but certainly more than 1.  Now that I am settled with Louis, I find myself looking at bump/scan pictures, trying to remember little details of my pregnancy and birth, as I am desperate for another child.  I know with only a 5 month old, it's a bit early to have these feelings, but they are heightened for me because I am 40 years old and DH refuses to ever have tx again and while the thought of tx again was initially a big no, my desire for another child has buried any misgivings I would have had. 

There is part of me that thinks I have had my good luck and at an ancient age ... so to push it is plain greedy, but if we hadn't had IF, we would have had more than 1 child.

As for trying naturally ... no point, as MF is our problem, so while we are not bothering with contraception, we are certainly not trying.

So here I am ... grateful, thankful but sad ....

Bels x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hiya Bels and welcome to our little sanctuary - I have to say it has been a complete relief to be able to say what I'm feeling about this -I don't really even talk about it in this much detail at home!

Honey I don't think it's particularly early to be thinking like you are. I started feeling like this, knowing we wouldn;t have another, from pretty early on, I'm sure M was only a few months old. And it wasn't that I really wanted another baby right there and then, it was just this sadness that all the things I do with him, and are so special, I won't be doing again once he grows up   I really honestly lost the plot about stopping breastfeeding, and as you know it can be pretty uncomfortable and painful, but I just wasn't ready to stop doing it forever.

I regularly dig out my photos of M's birth, trying to remember all the details etc, and getting quite panicky when there's bits that are getting quite hazy, I still look at the baby mags in the newsagent, like I haven't already read 100 times 'your guide to every stage of pregnancy' and what's the best type of baby bottle to buy or whatever  I'm becoming a worse baby obsessed saddo than I used to be before I had Matthew!  
Oh and you know how when you're pg there's always these older ladies who look at your bump and coo and go oh how lovely or look at your newborn and make 'oh how old is he?' type comments? WELL THAT'S ME NOW!!!  And you know I'm not much behind you agewise, we _are_ those 'older ladies' hun!!!!   

Like you I think my pregnancy and having my gorgeous boy are still the absolute highlights of my life, the best thing that ever ever happened to me and I can't believe I've achieved that dream and he is really happening to me! I'm trying very hard just to concentrate on that and most of the time that works, but I'm glad I can just sound off here every now and then when it does hurt.

I was at some antenatal friends for a takeaway curry the other night, and they literally got out their Miriam Stoppard pregnancy book and were looking at a conception plan - when to ttc to have a summer baby type thing. I felt very alone. I know they wouldn't mean to make me feel like this, I don't think they understand what it is like, and I don't hate them for it, they're very caring girls, but I just didnt' feel like I was a part of it, I haven't felt like that since I conceived M.

Claire xx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Awwwww more antenatal group talking about no 2 yesterday      Just feel quite left out.  

So lucky to have Matthew, don't feel anything like as bad as before I had him, but just a bit sad.


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## *looby* (Jun 14, 2004)

Ahh claire sending a Huge  your way 

I will be joining you on here, as soon as i get my Lazy   into gear 
and start posting   

xxx


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## nicky30 (Sep 23, 2003)

Claire -    for you. Can totally empathise with the antenatal group situation!! I am all over the place at the moment re ttcing again or not so don't feel its right for me to post here at the moment whilst there is still a possibility that we may try. So I am currently in the 'Possibly No More Miracles' camp and feeling a bit lost. Will keep an eye on here and hope that all of you that post here find good support from each other. I'm sure you will and I'll maybe join you later on!

Nicky x


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

HI , 
Can I please join you all ..

I too am feeling so broody and would dearly love another miracle ..  I cannot put in to words the way I feel . We have decided we will not go through it again due to my age ( 4o in April ) but also I was such a poor responder 1st time round .  I only had 3 follies ( they advised me to cancel my treatment 1 day before e/c ) but managed 3 eggs and we had our beautiful daughter Millie , 2 days overdue weighing in at 4lb 1 oz !! ..  I haemoraged ( excuse spelling ) really bad after birth and was in a bit of a pickle .

I am an only child and have no regrets about that but sometimes I watch Millie playing and would so love for her to have another little one to play with . She is such a joy and a very 'people' person , she is the life and soul of our parent and baby group- everyone loves her !! .. I know I sound like a big headed Mum , but hey , dont we all deserve to be with our precious ones ! . 

I find myself in Mothercare looking at all the Newborn clothes and somehow feel drawn to them .. sounds crazy eh ! .. 

If we knew we could do the same again with the same result then we would go for it , but we truly believe Millie was 'meant to be' . 

Claire - Thank you for starting this post , I joined the 3rd Tri just as you were leaving but I will never forget seeing the picture of you holding up Matthews birth certificate  after you had just registered him . I also read your post on the b/feeding . I was exactly the same with Millie , I really enjoyed the closeness that we had on the b/f and really miss that now .. weird eh  , I know she has to grow up but I feel in some ways I want her to remain 'my baby'  .. I too am like you and am trying to remember every single minute from labour onwards even more so .. I keep saying to Dp 'this time last year we were getting the nursery ready , this time last year I had my 'bump' ( oh I so miss that ), this time last year etc etc etc , He says we must move on and think about now and what a beautiful little girl we have who is developing and growing so wonderfully .  Since Millie arived she has bought so much love to all in such a small amount of time its crazy ..  Both sets of Grandparents are in awe ...

Sorry to have waffled on , but when I saw this thread I thought its just the place for me !! .. I would so dearly love another baby but its not gonna happen, BUT BUT BUT , when will my heart and brain understand that ??

I love my darling daughter to the ends of the earth and back and she gives us all we need so I am not saying she isnt good enough , in fact , she is so good I want it all again ! x 

Sorry to have waffled  , 

Love
Wanda
x x x


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## arthurwhitewhisker (Jan 5, 2006)

Hi
I hope you dont mind me joining in.  My little girl is only 9 weeks tomorrow but I would give anything to have another, but due to my age (40 soon) and dh (43 soon) and that my dh has children, 2 boys, from a former marriage and the fact we had to have ivf and it is sooo stressful, DH has said a definate no to another one.  I do understand what he says that he will be over 60 when Grace is 18 and he wants some sort of life when he retires and not still bringing up children (his boys are 14 so will be gone long before then) but I feel so broody and so upset that I will never have another.  I also had quite a bad pregnancy and not an ideal birth so that goes against as well.

I always thought I would have a big family and although the boys live with me and have for 3 years, and I love them I dont love them like I do Grace (and thats hard to admit).  They were 10 when they came and were very difficult and now they are teenagers so its not like loving a baby.

I have waffled enough, I just know I understand how everyone feels and how difficult it is to explain to people that I love my daughter more than I could ever imagine but I know I could love another too and it hurts that I wont get the chance and its upsetting that Grace will effectively be an only child as the boys are so much older.

Massive hugs coming to you all.  I already have cats and a dog that took the place of babies in the past years and I can see a few more joining the family in the future.  

Hugs
Ruth
xxxx


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi

Anyone out there 

Am I the only one feeling so broody but trying to accept it wont happen again  .? Please tell me i'm not !! .. I love Millie so much and would love her to have a brother or sister .. 
We sit and watch her playing and she brings tears to my eyes all the time , I am just so proud of her and in love with her..  Everyone we meet says she is such a happy girl and we have been blessed ..  I know they are right. 
We would dearly love another but I cannot put in to words how we feel .. We were so lucky 1st time I dont know how we would handle a BFN , we were so lucky not to have to face that..

Oh I dont really know how to explain it . I suppose  what I am saying is that  we would do it all again for another BFP but ..............

Me and dp cant come to a decisoon , some days we say lets go for it other days we say we have Millie and thats a blessing ...  

when people say 'do you think you will have any more ?'  we always say , No we were blessed with Miracle Millie ' but then it always sparks a converaation between me and dp when we ge in..!

OH  What to do !!

Sorry cant explain it .


Love
Wanda


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Hi all

Dont know if any of you remember me at all. I was 39 when i conceived benjamin on our 4th attempt at icsi. I had a rough pregnancy with sickness most of the pregnancy and having to be scanned weekly as he wasnt growing and had hardly any fluid around him. Luckily i got to almost 38 weeks before they decided i had to have my section and gave birth to him weighing 4lb 11oz.

I would have loved to have another baby, a sibling for him to play with. But after all we went through to get him, and with my age..i am now 44 i dont think it would be fair to put ourselves through the pain and heartache of having any more failed cyles. Plus our finances are still suffering from having to pay out nearly 10000 to achieve our special little miracle...not that i begrudge 1 penny of it at all...we just havent got the cash to fund another 1 treatment let alone any more that it might take.

So i have now resolved myself to having one child and spoiling him rotten in the progress.

karen


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi ladies, 
sorry I haven't been ignoring you I had problems with my computer so I've been offline for over a week - aargh found it very hard without FF!  

Wanda,  Ruth and Karen, welcome to the gang.  I don't think we're the only ones.    

Wanda, it was so nice of you to remember me honey, I think up until Matthew was a few months old I posted pictures of practically every moment of his life!  I thought I'd be boring everyone but I'm glad you enjoyed that pic of me registering him, it was such a proud day, makes me feel all weepy even now.  Especially as the registry office is just down the road from the hospital, so I was feeling all gooey about being close to where I gave birth to him too.    
Even though he's 15 months tomorrow, I still do the 'this time last year..two years ago stuff.  It's coming up to two years since I conceived him - I guess I'll have a little glass of champers or something!     Got to make the most of all the celebrations, we all worked so hard for them.    

Last week one of my friends gave birth to her second child, I was very honoured to be the first friend to visit her after all her family, and I got to hold him at 2 days old.    Luckily she's very sensitive to my situation and knows what we went through to have M, she also knows how much I adore newborns,  so she was fine when I was a bit tearful      but then she was tearful too!  

Karen I do remember you, what a rotten time you had.  I was 38 when I conceived Matthew (well, I was 38 the day after my 7 week scan).    I thought when I was the last of my then circle of friends to have a baby, I wouldn't feel like this and have to see other pregnancies and bumps, but of course most of my antenatal group and NCT group are younger than me and planning more, you meet so many other new people when you do have a child, I always thought when I was TTC being a mum is like a club you can't join. I was right about that, my social circle seems to have trebled.  Well now I've joined but I still feel like the outsider as the conversations turn to no 2.  There is one 40 year old in my antenatal and one in my NCT group, neither of them are planning a second child, but just not for the same reasons.  I would have loads if I could. 

Although having said that, I can completely relate to what you are saying, Ruth and Karen.  Age is a factor for us about why we're not ttc again.  Not only am I 40 in two month's time but my DP is 53 and his first three kids have grown up and tired him out!  He will be 70 when Matthew is 18, so Ruth tell your DH not to worry!  Or maybe we should just be more worried than we are!!  

Got to go girls, M getting clingy and grouchy so better put him down for a little nap.

big hugs

Claire x


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Hi Claire...i found the same thing about the baby group i was in...they were all so much younger than me, and some even had more than one already. Lots have gone on to have more, one had a natural triplet pregnancy, but unfortunately one of her little boys passed on not long after birth. 
They have all kept in touch, mainly cos they are all around the same age group but they havent all kept in touch with me, just a couple that live close by.
I dont mind really as i am meeting new people now benjamin is at nursery..although there are a lot there who are talking about having another one soon etc. When they asked me if i was considering, i told them what we had been through to get benjamin and said no as we couldnt afford it. 
I had both my tubes removed after 3 failed tries due to hydro and am convinced this is the reason it worked on the 4th try...so i dont even have the option of 'well maybe it may happen'
I am over the moon to have benjamin but would have loved to have more. Now, i dont have a choice on the subject at all.

karen


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

I've blown you all a bubble today to let you know I'm thinking of you  

It's a lovely day here in London, I hope it is where you all are, a good day to enjoy with our babies  

Claire x


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## Bels (Aug 21, 2004)

Hello everyone ...

The weather is lovely and I am going to take my boy out for a long walk today ... but I do feel old today too and I'll probably be jealous of the mummies with 2 babies ...    

Ho hum ...onwards and upwards ...

Bels x


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Hi all...off to london in a mo to mil house. we have a family party...suprise 60th to go to in dulwich.

karen

ps lovely and sunny here in kent too


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi girls,
I'm seeing my friend in a couple of days with her newborn and so I've been sorting out all my baby clothes to give her because she has a boy now and her first was a girl.  I've had another little look at all the tiny babygros and vests and little hats (not that M ever wore a hat after he came out of hospital) and kind of said good bye to them and that part of M's and my life.  Can't believe M was ever so small, I miss that, but I love my little person who runs around the house and giggles and laughs and 'chats' rubbish with me. I feel like those memories are really fading, I'm struggling to keep them.  Every mum does that I'm sure.  The tiredness robs you of your memory!  I'm glad I'm sending all my clothes to a very lovely family and a deserving home.    

How are you all doing girls?

Claire x


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

We are doing ok thanks.

It is hard when you see newborns everywhere, but i have had nearly a year now to come to terms with the fact that my age, and money is stopping me being a mummy again.

I am so happy that we have Benjamin, and i must say i spoil him too much and let him get away with things i shouldnt do

karen


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi, there are so many things I would like to say, lots of them are the same as the way you feel about your miracles.  But I will keep it short, already last year we had to make the decision to keep our frosties or not and dh said that we couldn't afford to take the risk of having twins next time so treatment was out of the question and we let them go.

I cannot bring myself to get rid of all of Kieran's things, though I know what is the point of keeping them as for it to happen naturally would be a true miracle and strangely we are using forms of contraception as dh is concerned about his job and as we also pay maintenance for his daughter from his first marriage, our house and car etc etc isn't big enough and we couldn't afford to pay for childcare for 2 so he keeps saying we cannot try, not that we would have a choice anyway.

When I sort of mention to my sisters that I would like another if we could afford it and if it was possible they nearly insinuate that I have a miracle and I was always under the impression that there would only be 1 and I should be grateful that I have him and he is healthy etc etc. of course I'm grateful, I still cannot believe he is mine and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I cannot help the fact that I would have loved to have experienced pregnancy and birth for a second time.

One day I will manage to give away and sell hes things, but not just yet.

Shazznewman


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Aw Shazz welcome to the gang.  

That must have been very hard to let your frosties go    We never got any, I was gutted that we didn't, but actually it would have left us with a big dilemma like that.  

We are using contraception too, (on the very rare occasion we actually do it   ) and it feels very strange, almost ridiculous, after years of not using anything to be guarding against a possible accident, which is highly unlikely, but wouldn't you know my luck, I bet now after all the tx and having M I would go and get pg and DP is the same as yours - doesn't really want another, I'm sure we could afford one really as people have kids with alot less than us, but he has responsibilities to his other three kids, even though they're adults you don't stop subbing them here and there, in fact it seems to get worse because what they need money for is bigger things like weddings and deposits on flats etc etc....
Also I know that if we didn't use anything I would get into hoping every month and that whole depressing cycle of hoping AF won't come, being devastated when it does and then getting into doing an early pg test every month so I'd not be so depressed on the first day of AF.... they were terrible days and I don't want to repeat them, so at least with contraception I'm not doing that any more.  But it is odd and a bit ironic.  

I have to admit I did laugh when I had to go and have the contraception chat with the GP though and the midwife after I had M.... 

Your sisters really need to keep their insinuations to themselves, just because you have your miracle does not mean you can't wish for another like people who aren't infertile.  In fact you wanted one so much it makes sense you'd want another!  I have the opposite problem when I say I'm sad because I won't have another to my NCT group they kind of say 'oh I bet you will' as though I just popped him out, and of course everyone's got a story to tell you about someone who did IVF and conceived naturally the next time... I know it happens, there's plenty of people on here that get lucky, but it does kind of depend on what your IF issues are.  It's a bit tactless to say it.  I saw several different midwives after M's birth and I can't tell you how many of them told me I could get pg again naturally - and they hadn't even stopped to ask me why I did IVF in the first place.....I do have my tubes still, but I might not have, and could have been very upset with them saying things like that.    

ooh sorry that turned into a rant!

Anyway Shazz, you take your time with Kieran's things.  He's still little so you don't have to move on yet.

Matthew has been a little poppet all week, he's teething on and off so he's been eating erratically and a little troublesome sleeping, but he's generally in a pretty good mood.  I love him to bits, I keep hugging him this week and telling him how much I love him (well I always do but this week extra extra huggies) I think I'm trying to see all the positives to just having my one boy and trying not to brood on other people's babies.  They are lovely but actually I don't get the same feeling from them that I get from my own, and he is who he is, a 15 month old, so no, I won't get a little newborn grip on my finger or a little newborn windy smile from him again, but I get lots of other gorgeous things from him, and I am loving this age.  Anyway he just thinks I'm being soppy and stopping him from running around while I smother him with mummy kisses so he escapes and runs off to harass the cat  

hugs to you all ladies,

Claire xx


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi Claire, thanks for your nice message, you sum up exactly how I feel about the contraceptive, feels really daft to be using it.  I felt like I was in the wrong when I saw my Doctor, I think she was wondering why I was going on the pill, she said well you wouldn't mind if it happened naturally anyway. 

Yes I'm really enjoying my time with Kieran and I try to think about the positives, like he wont have to share a room like I had to with my Sister and there will be more money to spend on him in general and for Birthdays and Christmas.  I do think it would be nice for him to have a Brother or Sister though, as his half-sister is nearly 13 so there is quite an age gap.  Kieran is such a happy contented little baby and I've never smiled so much in my whole life compared to the continuous smile on my face when he is around and I also cannot stop kissing and giving him little hugs and squeezes. He knows the word gorgeous as I'm always saying it to him and it instantly puts a smile on his face if I ask him who's gorgeous.

Thanks again.

Shazznewman


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## Sarah Lou3 (Jan 5, 2006)

Hi Ladies
Can I join you  We feel so blessed to have our little angel boy he is a joy.  We've decided that as dh says we can't improve upon perfection, so that's it for us.
However, I always pictured us having 3 children, but finance and circumstances mean it's not going to happen.
The problem I have at the moment is I'm at a point in my life where all my friends seem to be having their second child and asking me when we're having more.  It's tough isn't it?? Especially as my friends have all fallen pregnant with their second child very quickly and easily.
I kind of feel guilty as I feel a bit jealous but don't really know if I want more children am I crazy
Ceedubya - I remember seeing your name ages ago when I was first starting treatment, glad it worked out for you.
Thank god this thread is here.
Enough waffle from me for now.
Sarah Lou xxx


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi All , 

Not posted for a while , I have found the past week quite difficult .. 

My cousin and his wife are due their first baby end of March and I said I would give them any thing I could . We went to see them last week and gave them a load of stuff that Millie no longer needs , door bouncer , Galt doughnut ring etc we also gave them the moses basket , I think that was what did it .!! ..I spent ages washing it all and dressing it again as I remember how beautiful Millie looked laying in there .. I got very very teary the night before we gave it to them . Dp gave me big cuddles and said 'at least someone else will get the joy from it ' ' it was great for Millie but she is in a cot now and doesnt need it ' etc , he was being so sweet ..BUT I think its because it was a realisation that this was it .No more babies for us ...

I said to dp , most people 'put things away' ready for the next one ..but not us ..And I really felt that by giving the moses basket away , that really was the end ..  Silly eh ??

Sorry to just pop in and say this but I am still trying to get my head around we will never have another baby ...

We love and enjoy Millie so much and she has more than fulfilled all our dreams

Oh I wish I could really explain what I mean ....!!!

I think with Millies 1st birthday soon I am now feeling my 'baby' has grown up so fast and I find myself wishing I had taken more photos ( even though we have albums and bag fulls !!) , more videos etc etc ...

I am sure you all understand !! ..

chat soon

Much Love
Wanda
x x x x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi Sarah Lou
Were we cycle buddies?  I remember your name too.  I cycled with the superbabydusters in 2004.  

We've not been well in our house.   It's the first time we've all been ill together, though it hit me first so I got a day in bed while DP struggled on with M who was also not well.   But when you're both ill with a littel one who's ill as well it's pretty hard work isn't it?!  Actually it was easier with M unwell too, normally he's such a livewire I'd have really struggled to keep up with him.

Well I'm doing quite well at getting shot of some baby stuff - I just sold my car seat and carrycot to one of my NCT friends whose SIL has the loola pushchair like me and wanted the other bits to match the travel system.  Didn't make a fortune but got it out of storage where it was taking up space.   Found myself thinking alot about taking M home from hospital in the carseat, how it doesn't seem long since i was carrying him everywhere in it etc. but put those thoughts in check.   Then I had a slight panic that I was selling perfectly good stuff and what if I did need it again.  Had to remind myself I'm not going to need it again and it's just taking up space.     Also had to remind myself that one day I would have to get rid of this stuff, even if I'd had more babies I would have to stop one day and admit it's over, there won't be any more.  It might as well be now.  I'm just so very lucky and so glad I didn't have to decide it was over with none.    I think I'm going to put the money in M's savings account.   

Better go, got to do some more moderating before bed.   Hope you're all keeping positive girls, shout if you need any positive vibes  

Claire x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Oh Wanda    our posts crossed,  we were posting about practically the same things!  

Huge hugs to you hun, your DP sounds like a nice man, at least he gives you hugs when you're upset about it.  Sounds like you were very brave sweetie.

Claire x


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Hi to all the new ladies onboard the thread....i know its a hard decision to make about not having anymore.
Shazz, take as long as you need before getting rid of the baby things. You will know when the time is right.
We havent been up to much, just had my sis visit from Swindon so been busy this week entertaining her. 
Benjamin is being really good with his speach therapy and is now saying more and more words with the f sound at the start, and without having to think about it or be reminded..i am so proud of him.
karen


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## Sidsgirl (Oct 11, 2004)

Hi ladies i have read your posts in tears because i feel the same pain.
I am not sure i belong here because i have 2 little angels and i am very blessed to have them.
When they were born i said to myself, thats it, i am so lucky to have a ready made family in one go.
But as time has gone on and they are now toddlers i am getting very broody. Every time someone around me falls pregnant i have to fight back the tears. Then i tell myself off for being so selfish as there are so many out there who would give anything to be in my shoes.
We love the girls more than life itself and it is not that they are not enough to fullfill our life's, it is just that i think we all have dreams when we are young of what we want in our lives. don't know if i am making sense!
It was so hard packing away all the things they have grown out off.
Everyone keeps asking me "are you going to try again?"
I always say no i am too old.
Even though i have just turned 42 i would still have given it a go.
I have not told anyone this but the thing that stops me from ever trying for another baby is guilt. 
I had to loose my identical twin boys that were with the girls, so to get pregnant again to me would be such a dishonour to them, i just could not do it. 
Even thinking and telling you all how i feel makes me feel so guilty selfish.
I just have to accept it that i can never have another baby and just enjoy all the ones being born around me.
Sorry for such a depressing post but i think i really needed to get this off my chest. 

Love Carmela x


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

Carmela , 

Hello !! .. 

Dont not feel guilty or selfish about your dear boys .. They are still with you and always will be, I am sure they are smiling down on their beautiful sisters and their mummy and daddy and are very proud of you all x x 

I am 40 in April and would dearly love another baby , its a real yearning that is so hard to describe .. I try and remember every minute of my pregnancy , labour , birth as it was so preciuos and I dont want to forget it ...I want it all over again .. Like you say , its not that the miracles we have arent enough , I think its because it is such a wonderful feeling to be a Mummy and Daddy and nothing else can compare to it that we want it all the time ..Especially as we have all been on such a tough journey to get this far..

My logical sensible brain and body ( I was a very poor responder and was advised to abandon the cycle 2 days before egg collection, only had 3 follies! , and then had a very traumatic labour and a bad haemorage after Millie was born  )  says 'no' but my heart says Yes Yes Yes ..  I gave away lots of Millies clothes etc but the one thing that broke my heart last week was giving her Moses basket to my cousin , who is due end of March .. It was just a real heart wrenching feeling..

We totally understand ont his thread so please dont ever feel guilty or selfish for posting how you feel ..  

This is what we are all here for .. For each other ..

Take Care

Much Love
Wanda
x x x x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Carmela honey that was a very brave post.  You made me cry.    I hope it helps to tell us how you feel. 
You belong here, it doesn't matter that you have two already.  Please don't feel guilty about your boys.  We all have very personal reasons for not trying again, but it would not be disloyal to them to want another.  Many people still want a child after a loss.  

You're not selfish for wanting to feel all those wonderful things we felt when we were pregnant and first had our babies.  It's perfectly natural - why do you think women without IF go on to have lots of children?  We're no different.  In fact so much of our lives has been taken up with wanting a baby and doing whatever tx was necessary to have one that it's not surprising that the feeling didn't go away.  I adore children, it's quite simple.  I'm very lucky to have one but in my dreams I always wanted loads.  

Sorry ladies I can't post for long as I'm not well AGAIN - flu and chest infection this time - and I'm feeling pretty rough.
Will post more next week.

Claire x


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## Sidsgirl (Oct 11, 2004)

Wanda + Claire thank you so much for your lovely understanding words, it really means a lot to me that there are people out there who know how important these things are.
It does help to talk about it here because here on FF, everyone has suffered in some way or another and you know when you talk people know exactly how you feel.

Wanda - sounds like you went through quite a traumatic time so i can understand how hard it is to give away the things you must of dreamt of buying for so long before having your little one.

Claire - thank you for your lovely post and i am sorry to hear you are not well. Hope you get better soon

Love Carmela x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hello ladies
sorry not to have posted for a bit, I wasn't well and then had to catch up a bt on some modding and other stuff.  

I had a lovely day with my little boy today, we went to the library for monthly singing story telling thing, met with some mums and babies from my antenatal group, he ate a good lunch, had a good nap, went to the park and then a cup of tea with my friends back at ours with the babies all playing nicely together.  he ate a good tea, had a bath where I didn't get soaked for a change, drank his milk, listened to my reading him stories and went down in his cot with a smile and fell fast asleep - no jumping about for half an hour like usual.    

Made me realise that if I just enjoy what I have, he's such a joy,  he was laughing and giggling alot today, just before bath time I was giving him a cuddle and he put both his arms round my neck and gave me a huge hug - ohhhhhh did my heart melt    
If I was to start TTC or tx again I'd be stressed out and worried, miserable when it didn't work, constantly anxious, I wouldn't be making the most of this time, these quite ordinary but very special little moments with my incredible miracle baby  

Hey maybe it was the sunshine!

Claire xx


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## Bels (Aug 21, 2004)

Ah Claire, that's lovely ...

We had one of those days too today ... Louis was a true angel .... had a huge laughing fit cos Mummy was tickling him with a ballon    We only had a little moan today .... too tired after his bath, but this was soon solved with a raspberry blowing competition ... Louis won    

Makes me think how lucky I am and I should be content with my lot in life ....

Bels x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Ahh glad you had a nice day too honey.

I was telling DP about the lovely hug M gave me today - he said  "was that hug worth £9 grand?"  I said " you bet it was"  

C xx


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi All

Can I join you please 

I too feel a bit guilty to be joining this board as I am so lucky and blessed to have 3 children.  

I think the 14 years of waiting for the girls is so deep rooted its hard to shake off.

Love
Jennifer xx xx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi Jennifer
it doesn't matter how many you have, if you want more and you aren't gonna have them, then this is the place for you  

Claire x


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Thanks Claire


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi Girls , 

Sorry been a bit awol .. 

Millies 1st birthday was on 15 March and we had an amazing day with family , grandparents and close friends , a little do in our house . It was lovely .. We had a cake made for her and had pink champagne .  

It was abeautiful day but I spent most of it with tears in my eyes ..  tears of feeling so proud of our beautiful , smiling little girl , tears of feeling  'where has that year gone , where has my baby gone and tears of 'I wont ever have this again ' ..

Millie is such a beautiful girl , with a smile for everyone and I am so proud of her ,,  I love her to pieces .

My cousin had a baby boy last Friday , she doest live close but I am hoping to see him soon . I gave her Millies Moses basket  (which was so hard to part with) and apparantly he looks lovely in it all tucked up and cosy .. ( i remember looking at Millie for hours when she layed in there ) ..

Not expectinga reply from anyone but just wanted to write my feelings down ...I would say get it off my chest but after 6 months of b/f and only a mall chest to start with there isnt anything left !!  Hey ho , she was worth it and I wouldnt have missed b/f for all the tea in China !! ..

Love to you all

Wanda
x x x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi hun
I'm still up!!

I keep meaning to pop in and post but I've been a bit busy too....
with a birthday as well!  But not a baby one, mine!  Two days after Millie's - my 40th actually, which was lovely but also tinged with a bit of, well, you know    I'm 40, nuff said.  
.
Had a lovely dinner on my birthday with old friends and two of my brothers made surprise visits from Cape Town and New York, which was just wonderful. Then the next day (mothers day) I had a party at mine for all my friends with babies - ie antenatal group, some friends from FF, etc.  Another of my antenatal group announced at the party she's pg.  Not a huge issue, but next day i was with a friend from the same group who is 42.  She was quite down about it, she doesn't have IF issues but when she conceived their first (Matthew's best little friend) she had more or less given up because she thought she was too old.  Also her DP has massively time consuming health/disability problems in his family and she says at their age now as well, they probably won't have another.  She was very sad, I hadn't realised til she said it that the announcements were starting to upset her too.  I gave her a huge hug.  She knows I understand completely.  

Anyway I am not ashamed to admit it has been a bit hard this last few weeks, it seems everyone's falling pg around me. 

Also I got rid of my carrycot and car seat finally, and we had to clear out some storage so I got round to sorting M's old clothes into boxes for each age group - handed some boxes over to my ex neighbour who's just had her 2nd child, a boy, after a girl first time, and kept the rest for her for later. Cathartic in a way to be looking at his things one last time and saying 'oh how tiny he was',  but sad in another.  

Wanda I did the same on Matthew's birthday, thinking how fast it's all gone........but as much as I ADORE the baby stage (which DP just doesn't get at all!) I have to say this is a great age and my little lovely is being utterly cute at the moment, he makes me laugh so much, as well as being very challenging!  

Happy 1st Birthday Millie!!!  

better go, big day tomorrow, we're off to Prague for a weekend break (treat for my birthday from DP) but we're leaving M for the longest time I've left him - two whole nights - with my parents, so he'll be fine but I'm going to miss him loads, and then of course I'm not going to miss him because I'll be having fun and enjoying the lie in!!

Claire xx


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## Wanda (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi Claire .

Just a quickie to say have a fab weekend in Prague , I know by the time you read this you will have been there and back!!.. Its a beautiful city , me and Dave have been before , we loved it ..  So nice to just wander about aimlessly and admire the beauty ..( and so cheap too !!) 

Hope you both enjoyed it .. How many times did you phone home to check on M !!

It is my 40th in April , what an old fart !! ..  Dave wants to take me away for a weekend too but I have never left Millie overnight anywhere .. I have left her with my parents for maybe , 2 hours of an evening, but never ovenight .. ( twice since she was born ! )  and she goes to sleep fine for them..

I am starting to clear out Millies baby clothes and cannot beleive she was that small ( she was 4lb 1oz at birth so u can imagine how small her clothes were !)....I am going to give her very small stuff to the local baby unit at the hospital and the rest will go charity shops or e-bay !

Anyway , better go ..

Fill me in on your weekend , hope you had an amazing and special time for you both ..

Love
Wanda
x x x


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Wanda, just noticed you are in gillingham...i am from rainham...not far away.
Did millie have to stay long in the baby unit? I was lucky benjamin was allowed on the ward with me, he weighed 4lb 11oz and held his temp etc well. I was so relieved they let him come back on the ward with me.


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Hello, is it okay if I join you? 

I too would love another baby but it is not going to happen - no more treatment. I was 40 on March 14th -yuk  
Robert was prem too and I gave his first clothes to the neonatal unit where he spent his first month - he was 2lb 14oz at his lowest. I have car-booted a lot of items like car seats, travel cot, bumbo etc and am planning to do another as soon as possible before we are completely overwhelmed by all his toys - I am hiding loads of them behind the sofa at the moment! 


Can really relate to what others have said on this thread - constantly seem to see others popping babies out every five minutes when they haven't even planned them grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  

Hey ho - we are SO lucky to have Robert. I do feel sometimes that he is missing out on not having a sibling to play with and just be with though. My sister's little boy is only 5 weeks younger than Robert but they live in Manchester, about an hour from us. Robert also mixes with his friends at the childminders two days a week, so it's not all bad. We are trying our best not to spoil him, but it is very difficult.........

Love from Carole
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi Carole   Welcome 

I am a March baby too   I am on the 9th so very near yours 

If its any consolation, my ds grew up alone and he doesn't feel like he missed out.  I used to be a nanny so he had plenty of children around while he was growing up - He is nearly 15 now and all the adult contact he had through his years has made him a really confident, outgoing young man with a great sense of humour.  I really wanted to give him a sibling but it never happened (until recently, obviously).

Its nice that Robert has a cousin not too far away   My twins don't have any other family that are similar in age, and the cousins they do have live a long long way away.

Love Jennifer xx xx


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## B3ar (Jul 6, 2005)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=89803.msg1280473#msg1280473


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## arthurwhitewhisker (Jan 5, 2006)

Tracey - I so understand honey, I thought I was doing ok too, then I went on saturday to a 1st bday party and all the other mums were sitting there discussing their next baby and when they were going to start trying again, I drove home in absolute floods.  I dont begrudge them their babies at all, but it really cut deep in me that I would still have loved more than one.  I love my little girl so much and I know I have enough love for a whole batch of her  .  I know I have my stepchildren but I only had them from age 10 and they are 14 now so Grace will be an only child growing up.
Anyway big hugs and yep we understand.
Ruth
x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hellooooooooooooo ladies

I'm so sorry I have been very remiss about posting recently.  

Hello Carole and Tracey, we do understand, in particular understand that you can have good days and bad days.  There are days when I feel guilty because I have such a wonderful day with Matthew and I can't believe I fret about not having another. And then some days I just find it very very tough.  

Had a bit of a rough day in that respect today, I have been holding alot of newborns recently, and enjoying it - I am first in the queue always, when I was TTC Matthew I could usually still hold babies (just a few I found too difficult and stayed away) - anyway today I held a little one with very red hair like M was born with, I was at a friend from antenatal group (pg) with others from the same group, we mix it up with our friends from our NCT groups as well - anyway this girl turned up with her 2nd, only 6 weeks old, and everyone was doing their usual "oh I'm so broody" thing, oh, I don't know, although I had a cuddle of this baby I just didn't feel a part of it and of course my mind wandered off.......I think because I don't know some of the other women there as well they don't realise and were going on about having another too.   On the way back I found myself convincing myself that I really would find another one hard to cope with, M's been pretty hard work recently, etc etc.  

I think it was because last week I did the stupidest thing.  Well, at any rate, I thought the stupidest thoughts.    Last month we 'risked it' and didn't use any protection - big joke - and then although I got AF as usual,  I kept feeling so hormonal, flushes etc, and sometimes I think I'm heading for the change I feel so horrid.  But this time I could have sworn my boobs were feeling sore and heavier, I couldn't stop peeing etc etc and so in my head I was thinking 'ah, sometimes you can have AF and still be pg'.....then I got next AF EARLY   , so actually my cycle just went a bit funny and I probably am just showing my age, as it were    Stupid stupid stupid me, that's why I should use contraception even when it feels wierd to after all these years.  I can't go back to monthly knicker checking, it'll do my head in.

Wanda thanks so much for coming on to wish me a good time in Prague - it was a lovely weekend, and, as it turned out, quite eventful!  I got engaged!!  (I know, we're doing it all the wrong way round    )

Stay strong girls 

Claire xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Congratulations on getting engaged Claire - fab news! 

I really know what you mean about not taking precautions and wondering if MAYBE something will happen - daft as it may seem with a DH who is azoospermic (shooting blanks   ), I still hold out hope that one   might get through! And I am at that age too where I am wondering about the change and when it will happen, particularly as AF started when I was 11 (does that mean the change will come early too?) and I am not as regular as I used to be - also a lot heavier and more painful since Robert was born.

Most of the time I am just  so thankful we have Robert  - he is SO funny now, we are constantly in stitches.

Hope everyone is okay.

Love from Carole
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Carole, love the new pic of Robert!  Very cute  

I looked at my boy today and just thought "wow! I really can't believe he has come into our lives"    He is so funny, beautiful and precious.  And at times utterly irritating.

I was a bit thrown today.  We got a card in the post from a friend of Andy's who he used to play football with, we see them at weddings, christenings, the odd party or pub gathering, but less often than we used to when A still used to play (too old now).  They were missing at a big 'vets' footie match last weekend that he played in, and it turns out it was because they were having their third child that day.  I didn't even know they were having another, nor did Andy as it turns out.    For some reason it really made me quite tearful, probably becasue I remember meeting their first one and finding it very hard, as we were still TTC, but by the time we went to his christening I was about 10 weeks pg and not telling yet - she was already 5 months with her next!) And now she has 3.  I always wanted a big family.  In a way I do because I;m very lucky to have my fantastic stepchildren, but they are adults now and probably will be thinking of having their own families one day soon enough (not that any of them have partners at the moment!!!).  

Hey ho.  This amazing weather is just great, means you can do so much more with little ones. 

got to go

Claire x


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## Cheery (May 2, 2005)

Ladies, I'd love to join you... am feeling a little low so forgive my 1st post for being a 'me' post  

I've been reading your thread and I think we're in the same boat.... I really thought that having my little boy would be the answer to all my prayers and believe me, he's amazing and I'm grateful every day for having him. the thing is, I still pine for another one    

I've been reading the group posts for my group and this last week it's been   after   after   !!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to bits for them, but god am I jealous! I just wish it was me  

My cardiac consultants have said in no uncertain terms that I cannot have another child and, as IVF is the only possible way of conception, it's definately over.  I just so wish I could give Will a little brother or sister...  

I know I'm being selfish, especially when there are so many lovely people on FF who haven't been lucky enough to experience motherhood, but today is a real 'down' day and sadly, it's not the 1st.  I just wish I could get over it and move on.

I really love Will but I think I'm a little concerned that I will smother him...

Am I mad ladies    quite possibly. I would blame the hormones, only I don't have any     AAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH - shoot me now!  

Apologies for the rant and thanks for listening... just needed to feel like I'm not the only one in the world feeling like this.

Cheery xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Cheery


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Cheery honey - no you're not the only one and no you're not mad!!  You know, I think when IF hits you, you spend so much time wanting a baby it's hard to get away from that feeling, even when you are lucky enough to finally have one.  Welcome to the thread, hope that we can help you not to feel alone. 
  
It's really not that it takes over my life, and believe me, having Matthew is the positive culmination of so much heartache and has made me so much happier than I was before, but every now and again I get very sad that I can't have another. It's not much to ask, when people who are lucky enough to be able to get pregnant without help can just plan their families quite easily.  And I've gone from being one of the last people in my circle to get pregant, to being introduced to lots of new people having their first baby, so I'm now surrounded by people in my antenatal group and mum/baby groups etc who are all starting their families, so when I thought all the torture was over, it's kinda starting again!

hugs to you all
Claire x


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi just a quick one.

I keep wondering if later on I'm going to regret not having tried to have a sibling for Kieran.  I feel like I'm coping really well at the moment and I'm regularly selling off bits like his baby walker and door bouncer.  I've still got a stack of all his clothes, not sure why, haven't found the right person to give them to and don't feel ready to give them to a charity shop yet.  

We decided that we did have some money left to try IVF again, but dh was worried about the chances of twins and we wouldn't have been able to afford two more, we are paying maintenance and have my dh daughter from his first marriage over every weekend.  There would have been all the extra childcare costs and our cars and house wouldn't have been big enough.  It didn't seem long after he was born that we decided to let his frosties go as we didn't see the point in paying to store them if we wasn't going to use them.  Well all the money has now been spent as we have bought a bigger family car for me and dh changed his car as well.  I just keep wondering if I'm going to regret it big time as the years go on.  Kieran is amazing and I couldn't have asked for a more happier contented baby and I love him more than anything, just have this little doubt in my mind.  It would have been nice seeing Kieran grow up with a little sibling, his half sister is grate with him but she is 13 so there is a big age difference, she acts more like a second Mum to him.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Well hi to everyone, hope your all doing well.

Take care

Shazznewman


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Hi shazz

Kieran is gorgeous. It's easy for me to say, but I would go for it if I had the chance. Our problems are my age, pre-eclampsia, prematurity, and we had 4 BFNs before the BFP. If we had got a BFP on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th go, we would definitely have gone on with the others, regardless of the possibility of twins. It may be rubbish, but a lot of people say the first child is expensive but after that you survive with handmedowns and don't tend to spoil the others as much as you did the first. 

If you had twins, I'll have one of em - sorry I know that's not what you want to hear, and I'm only joking (weird sense of humour, no offence intended). 

I am a great believer that what will be will be - you have to make your own decision based on your circumstances and what is right for you. Don't beat yourself up about it - you have a gorgeous son, whatever else does or doesn't happen. And we are all here to listen if you need to vent/rant/let off steam etc. 

Lots of love and good luck whatever you decide - hope I haven't caused offence to anyone with my views.

carole
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Dear ladies

I'm sitting here feeling like a fraud  

It would appear that I'm pregnant.  

Don't ask me how that happened  

As you know we weren't TTC at all, I was very sadly contemplating no more babies, using contraception which was just doing my head in, when DP chose to take a couple of what he thought were very well calculated risks  ...... and then this month I was very late.  And got the biggest surprise ever when I started to feel some pg symptoms, thought I was imagining it so did a test to get it out of my head and get on with my life.  Well the result was somewhat different to what we expected    We're still in shock, and I'm terrified I won't get to my first scan    but I'm also over the moon, I never ever thought I'd be so lucky to have another miracle, the journey, for us was over when we had Matthew. 

I don't wish to upset anyone, so having told you my news I'm bowing out of this thread - having started it!  

You know I understand how the feelings don't leave you and what a struggle it can be wanting more but not being able to for whatever reason, so I'm the last thing you need on this thread.  I wish you all lots of love and happiness with your babies and the best of luck with moving on.  Some of you I'll still see on other boards I hope!! 

biggest hugs,
Claire x


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## isobel (Mar 30, 2004)

Wow Claire I am only a lurker here but just wanted to send my congratulations. Miracles do happen!

Sending you every good wish for a trouble free pregnancy.

Isobel
XXX


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Claire, wow, well done and good luck.

Shazznewman


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)




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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

I'm so glad I've found this thread, although it doesn't seem all that busy. All you ladies have expressed so well my own situation, although everyone is different, so I'll tell you my story:

We tried for 3 years naturally. Then I had a stroke (that's nothing to do with TTC nor did it affect my fertility, but it's a major part of my life). Mercifully we were amazingly lucky to conceive with our first go at IVF and my adorable Lara was born 9 months later   . I had a very difficult pregnancy. Medically I was very stable, but I just felt totally awful throughout.  I didn't have too much sickness, but every day I felt like all the blood had been drained out of me. I could barely move I was so exhausted. Plus I had an incredible thirst. I was drinking 6 litres a day and it didn't even help.  Towards the end I was in and out of hospital with high blood pressure (they said I didn't have pre-eclampsia, although I developed it after the birth). The birth was no fun, but it was only 1 day and if necessary I could face that again.

But because of the pregnancy I have decided I really don't want to go through the whole thing again. In my head I know I've made the right decision, so why do I feel so bad about it?  I love my little Lara so so much I just want to enjoy every single day I have with her, and know I wouldn't be able to do that if I had another bad pregnancy, but I feel like I'm deliberately depriving her of a sibling.  

Trouble is: DH is desperately hoping I will change my  mind. I feel like I'm being so selfish.  But I also gained over 4 stone of residual weight (after birth fluid/placenta/baby weight) which I am working hard to lose now. If I got pregnant again I'd have to lose that weight all over again.  Girls in my NCT group are already talking about having another one (they don't know about our fertility problems) and I just don't know how I'd cope to hear the first one is pregnant again.

Reading this thread makes me feel less crazy and less selfish,
Thanks for reading,
Desert

Lots and lots of love and luck to Claire - you're on your way hun! Take it as a blessing! 

Cheery - looks like you and I are in the same boat and the same area!


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## Cheery (May 2, 2005)

Hi Desert and welcome  

Goodness me. Listening to your story it sounds the image of mine... how spooky!    Were you at the JR? I should have been at Wycombe but they considered me too 'high risk', how very dare they   !  I did end up with my gorgeous little man though, so all worth it  

Still have days and days, but the whole pregnancy was so much of a strain that to do it again would not be good at all   especially as I am now due for more heart exams an possible surgery    

It's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster but at least we have our little miracles. I am reminded every day of all those who are still chasing the dream and it really hits home how lucky I am.  

How's all our other ladies? We're a bit quiet at the moment  

Speak soon,

Cheery


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## arthurwhitewhisker (Jan 5, 2006)

Desertrose/Cheery - Hi there, I to had a really rough pregnancy but not as severe as you two.  I had really really bad spd from about 4 months pg, I ended up housebound for the last 6 weeks or face a wheelchair.  I then had 18 hours of labour with a back to back baby who only came out as a csection because she was face first.  Unlike most ladies with spd mine didnt go as soon as she was born and I am still seeing a physio and doing exercises everyday to try and strengthen my body.  I am actually really really broody and its dh who says absolutely no!!  He has children from a former marraige, two of which live with us and I am mum too.  But I still long for another but and here is my but deep down I know it would not be a good idea really, I wouldnt be able to look after Grace properly if the spd got worse, which seeing as its not better yet is preety likely.  All my antenatal mates are talking about the next but I have promised to be chief babysitter.

I put on 4 1/2 stone and have come to terms with the fact I will never be a size 8 again but a 10/12 I would be happy with, only 2 stone to go then   

Anyway want to send you both a huge hug.
Ruth
x


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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

*Ruth/Cheery*, it's so hard isn't it? I'm absolutely torn. Unlike you *Cheery*, I have been told I'm perfectly safe to have another one, so it's ME who's imposing the restrictions, not anyone else. I just couldn't go through the same thing with another pregnancy, plus I love Lara so much and feel I'd somehow miss out on some of her growing up if I was feeling ill or dealing with a newborn.

I was treated at the JR Silver Star unit. They were great and I got a lot of support.

*Ruth * - I still have 3 stone left to lose, and am just about managing to squeeze into size 16s now. I too am coming round to accept that I'm going to have to be happy with a size 16 (I was a comfortable size 14 before). I don't think I was a size 8 since the age of 12!!!!


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## Cheery (May 2, 2005)

Spooky DersertRose, yes I was at the Silver Star too. Prof Redman and Ms Greenwood... they were fab!    

As for fighting the flab, well I've got about 3 sizes to lose too    and with the cardiac stuff going on, I'm not allowed to exercise    So who knows, I'll probably end up being an advert for tents at Milletts  

anyhoo, moan over... phew that feels better  

So where abouts in 'south Bucks' are you?  I'm a Wycombe girl (at the moment anyway)

Cheery x


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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

Cheery - I'm in Chesham, so not far away! Yep, I had Prof Redman and Ms Greenwood too (although I preferred Dr Harrington, Ms Greenwood was a bit frosty    )


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## Cheery (May 2, 2005)

hmmm, I know what you mean, but she did thaw a little over time... I think she found me a little interesting (in a 'pet hamster' kind of way   )


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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

'interesting' - Yes, I know what you mean. The trouble is she found me 'boring' , ie. pregnancy went well with no complications. And that just wasn't enough 'fun' for her    I spent most of my time with Prof Redman who controlled my medication.  He was wonderful - like a great wise owl!


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## arthurwhitewhisker (Jan 5, 2006)

Cheery - pants to not being able to exercise.  I can start doing small things now liking walking faster than a snail!!  Used to get really depressed when all the old grannies asked me to get out the way so they could pass   .  Re having another, the doctor said I could and could try for a natural birth if I wanted, but the 2 physios I have seen said it wouldnt be a good idea.  I do believe in theres a reason for everything so I guess I was just meant to have one of my own and then bring up DH's other children  

Hugs to all on a miserable looking day.  I want crisp cold sunny winter days, not wet mishog ones, never mind only 1 week and 5 days to holiday yay!!
Ruth
x


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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

Ruth - I can sympathise. It was the same for me after my stroke. I was excluded from driving, so had to rely on buses. I used to get dagger looks from all the old grannies when I sat in the 'disabled' seat at the front of the bus as I was an apparently healthy fit young woman. The trouble was that it was a hugely tiring effort for me to walk or stand up.


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi, sorry just need to get this of my chest, when I was little I was never career minded, I wanted to get married and have a couple of kids.  

Obviously life doesn't always go according to plan but we have been so so lucky and we now have Kieran through IVF.  My problem is that I'm having trouble deciding whether I'm totally fulfilled or whether I do want a sibling for Kieran (hope I don't upset anyone).  How can it be so hard, I'm still so mixed up and unsure.  We don't actually have the money to try IVF again at the moment anyway.  

The way I feel at the moment is that I am totally happy with Kieran and I do feel fulfilled, but at the back of my mind I would love Kieran to have a sibling, but I don't feel ready yet or financially, but then I don't want him to have a sibling if theres going to be a big age gap, he already has a 1/2 Sister who is a lot older than him at 13, I would want him to have a sibling near his own age and hopefully they get to grow up close and will be there for each other.

This has been on my mind for ages as I'm still struggling to come to a conclusion as I cannot make my mind up, I haven't spoken to my dh about how I feel.  We did decide that we would try naturally until we saved the money, feel safe as I know it wont work anyway, but then I feel if it did it would be a miracle and would mean it was meant to be, if that makes sense.  I've booked a holiday for next April and suddenly realised that we have to put things on hold for a while as I wouldn't be able to fly, as you can see, I'm really mixed up with my thoughts.  

Shazznewman


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Shazz honey I'm sorry you're feeling so confused. 

Can I suggest you have a look on the Hoping for Another Miracle board?
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=153.0

there are a number of posts there from people who are trying to get their heads around the decision, you'll soon find your way around the board, and there's a 'broody' thread for people not yet actively ttc but feeling the urge! It may help you make up your mind.

Sorry sweetpea but this thread is a little haven from talk of TTC # 2 or more for parents who have already made the decision, or had it made for them, that there really will be no more miracles. 

thanks

Claire x


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi, its been a long time since someone posted on here and it looks like it was me.

Well things have moved on, having stopped trying for a couple of months because of a holiday I was lucky enough for my Dr to do a blood test and to my surprise it showed my fertility level was ok.  Bad news is, dh then changed his mind.  How could I have been stupid enough to stop trying because of a holiday.  

I could except the fact if we had to go through IVF to have another, it wasn't financially possible, but to think theres a chance that it could happen naturally, but I will never know.  Dh is concerned about money, he is due to lose overtime when some new machines come in and he is a bit of a worrier and he likes the fact that we can afford to take several holidays and do things with Kieran and dsd.  I did have my doubts about job and money etc etc, but I'm also finding it hard and I feel really selfish that were not trying again.  I feel in years to come that I will regret this, but I don't see that I have a choice if dh wont change his mind, I haven't been able to talk to dh about this as hes made up his mind, I cannot help but feel we are being selfish and that lots of other people manage on a lot less money than we have.  I also feel maybe its ok for him as he has his dd and ds, but I cannot help feeling that although I do have a lovely dsd, it doesn't stop the fact that I would like to have had 2 of my own and given Kieran a sibling his own age that lives with us.

Sorry for going on.

Shazznewman


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

shazz - you weren't going on. Can't you just "forget" to use contraception for a bit?  

Tell DH how strongly you feel (if he doesn't already know). Maybe he might change his mind - worth a try. Plus you have got all the kit so second time  around won't be half as expensive! 

Good luck!

carole
xxxxxxxxxx


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## arthurwhitewhisker (Jan 5, 2006)

Shazz - I have tried every bribery under the sun to get dh to change his mind and try for another, although it would only be naturally, but its a firm no.  I even tried threatening to withhold s*x (not that it happens that often  ) but he just went "ok thats fine" so thats that and it is so difficult.  I have my stepsons living with me, twins of 15, and they have for over 4 years and he admits if they didnt he would agree to another.  So Grace is growing up on her own, yep she loves her brothers but they are going to be at uni by the time she starts school so effectively she is going to be an only child and I never wanted that.  I know all the reasons he states are good ones, ie boys, our age, I had a real bad pg and still suffer now, but I am still so broody.  Hey ho onwards and upwards.

Huge hugs coming at everyone.
Ruth
x


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## DesertRose (May 5, 2006)

Thought I'd ping this one to the top as I don't want to lose track.

No change for us.  I had a mild panic I was pregnant over Christmas and was very confused as to whether I would be pleased or not, but it turned out it was just me panicking    

It is eating me up inside that my darling L will be an only child, but pregnancy just isn't an option for me due to my health.  
Love and hugs to all,
Desert


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

to everyone


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi, I'm still hear and   to everyone.  Well I parted with a whole load of vests to the charity shop at the weekend   and I've just put some of Kieran's summer tops on e-bay.  His baby monitor and swing rings have gone in our local freeads and thats the last of his baby things, all gone.  This does make it all seem final, oh unless we win the lottery.

Must go, bed calling.

Take care

Shazznewman


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