# How to cope with another BFN?



## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Hi,
I wasn't really sure where to post this message.  please let me know if there is somewhere else it should go...


I just got my 5th BFN following treatment (lost count of the 'natural' BFNs). my DH and i are into our 3rd year of tx - 2 ICSIs, no fresh transfers due to OHSS and 5 failed FETs.  my OTD is actually tomorrow, but AF arrived in full flow this morning.  i wasn't surprised....all the signs had been there since last thurs and, despite moments of hoping i might be one of the people who gets all the AF symptoms and still a BFP, i was leaning on the negative side.  probably a protective factor, i'm not really sure...


i am feeling pretty lost this morning.  i'm not sure why....we've been here before and i kinda feel like an old pro at the BFNs.  i had a bit of a major meltdown on sat night when i was sure it was all over.  had a big cry on DH and he cried back on me (heart broke a little), so i'm not sure if that got the need to cry out my system, but today i just feel kinda empty.  does that make sense?!


i guess my question to anyone who reads this is, what ways have you found that help you to cope with a BFN?  what has been helpful from others?  and what hasn't been helpful?  and how have you supported your DHs/DPs and other family members?


i was signed off work for a couple of weeks and am due to go back on thurs.  at the moment, i am feeling like i would welcome the distraction.  no one there knows what's been going on, which hasn't helped up to now (very unsupportive boss who has verbalised her view that people who have tx are 'selfish'...don't get me started!!), but i think might be good to go back to...


do you think it is the right thing to rush straight into another FET next month?  this was a natural cycle - i just had crinone and clexane post ET.  my instinct is just to keep going, stay motivated and keep trying.  i think physically it's ok, but just not sure about emotionally...


thank you for 'listening' to all my thoughts and questions!
jess x


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## Missy123 (Sep 12, 2009)

Jess i know how you feel hun    I have never seen a positive yet either. All we can do is   that one day we will.   
No one can advise you whether to go straight away for your next FET, only you know if you are ready but if you are like me the sooner the better. I can't stand the waiting around and the inbetween bit. 
I don't think you will ever get over the BFN's i haven't and they do get harder as you know but if you have a good DH you have just got to be there for each other.   
I keep tx as quiet as possible so i don't have to tell everyone the bad news    but the girls on here are brilliant and without their support i would be totally   
Sorry your boss isn't very supportive but with her views it's not surprising but it may help to go back and keep you busy. Just ignore her views as she obviously dosen't have any problems!
Good luck with whatever you decide and just stay     you have all of us on here and a great DH! Stay strong.


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

hi missy123,
thank you so much for your reply and for the   ... both much appreciated.  i have definitely found the support on here great while going through tx.  but then, like everything else (including a DH who cleans, tidies and cooks for 2 weeks), it kinda disappears when you get an outcome.  i find it hard being on threads with BFPs cos i so want it to be me, and even harder hearing about other BFNs cos i literally feel the pain others might be feeling.  i don't even know if that makes sense!!  i thought it might help to chat to other inbetweeners...!


i had my OTD appointment today, which was fine because i knew what was coming.  i always feel bad for the nurses tho cos i think it must be the worst part of their job.  i was told that next time, i will be put on prednisolone as well as the clexane and crinone.  have had a quick google, but can't find too much about it.  but it is kinda reassuring to know there is still something else to try...


hope things are going well for you at the moment.  thank you again for taking the time to reply x


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## Missy123 (Sep 12, 2009)

Jess i feel for the nusres too as when you have been at a clinic for a while you get to know each other and they are really routing for you. They must feel our pain too.
Have you decided yet if you will go again straight away or are you going to wait a while?
Have you had immunes done? I have thought about it but don't think my clinic do them i will ask at my follow up but don't fancy going to London to get them done (4 hrs drive away)
It does make sense with the BFP and BFN as i feel the same as you. I either wish it was me but really happy for them of really feel for them and get upset all over again.   
Let me know what you decide. Good luck hun for the rest of your tx.


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## bright skies (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi all not sure if im on right page not been on here since march/April. That was my 2nd bfn well technically it was a faint faint bfp but after 2bloodtests it had gone a biochemical pregnancy. It was awful i felt pg as i was weeing all time and my boobs killed. Now waiting to start 3rd icsi and am so so scared of not feeling the same and it being a bfn! Will be starting in Dec i think and not even been eating right i just feel deflated already but   i also want baby so so much. thanks for letting me rant x


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## jo_11 (Apr 1, 2009)

Jess,


My heart breaks for you 


As a total veteran of BFNs, I would say that what you have to take to heart is that you are YOUNG, and that you are getting good quality embryos... yes you're getting near to OHSS but high E2 levels are commensurate with high quality embryos.  This is a very GOOD thing (honest).


If you do embark on your FET soon, can you ask your clinic to add in some low dose steroids (prednisolone) - to hopefully overcome any implantation issue - together with some heavier duty luteal support (e.g. Gestone rather than Cyclogest), to delay AF??  


I'm not saying you should go down the immune route (which is a difficult journey) but the above 'should' be able to avoid any simple problems you may have... and you may not have any, but these are easy fixes (and your consultant should not have a problem with either).


Wishing you the best of luck.


xxx


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

hi ladies!
hope you're all doing ok today. i am now back to work and finding the sense of normality to be quite helpful...it's good to have some distractions, i suppose.
missy123 - how are you getting on? i have thought about getting immunes done, but am still waiting for our NHS treatment (been on the waiting list for 2 1/2 years) and can't afford to pay for more private tests at the moment. the private hospital have said they will put me on prednisolone next time, which i guess will help with any unknown immune issues. so i am definitely keen to have another FET this month, but it is a question of money (worst time of year with xmas around the corner!). plus i have been cited for jury service for what would probably be the crucial week! feels a bit like someone is trying to tell me something!...
bright skies - i am so sorry to hear about your BFN  how are you feeling about your next ICSI? after some of my BFNs, i have been really flat and kinda rebelled by stopping taking my folic acid and other vitamins and by descending into bad eating and not looking after myself properly. but this time i am trying really hard to do everything possible to look after my body in the hope that will make a difference. i have stayed on my expensive pregnacare vitamins and am ploughing on with the weightwatchers  i hope that you feel better soon....looking after yourself is so important for your physical and emotional health... my advice would be to do something really lovely for yourself, like getting a massage, or something else. do you have a DP to cook you some tasty meals? i guess it's important to start looking forward to your next treatment and to getting your body ready...
jo_11 - thank you so much for your message. it actually really made me feel hopeful, when not much else has. my clinic have already mentioned prednisolone - do you have any experience of this? what are the side effects like? i will probably endure evil clexane again and am thinking about asking for a different progesterone support as i'm not sure the crinone has been enough. what is gestone like? hope things are going ok for you at the moment...
thank you again for replying. hope you're all ok.
jess xx


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## jo_11 (Apr 1, 2009)

Jess:  Glad you're seeing a ray of hope   Re prednisolone, yes I've used this before... at the 10mg dose I don't get any side effects, but at the 25mg dose it does make me feel a bit, erm, euphoric I guess.  Which is nice for a day but when you're on it for a couple of weeks it can get a bit tedious.  Still, some ladies have no side effects at all; some can't sleep on it; I guess we're all different.  As for the gestone, I find it fine although you'll need to get your OH to inject - a ma-hoo-sive needle as it needs to go in your  intra-muscularly.  I prefer it to be the bum bullets as it's the only thing that's taken me to OTD without AF arriving.  Good luck.


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## bright skies (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Jess  feeling bit better today I have done my exercise for the day and eat.en pretty good  too. Hard to keep positive but def got too. Hope everything gets sorted with u with knowing what other drugs clinic may give u. You seem to have been on waiting list a long time. We are having treatment on nhs  this time as I turned the big 3 0 few months back but not really had to wait. I would chase it. Best of luck and positive thoughts to all xx


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