# Scared to get the ball rolling for next attempt



## Myla (Jan 29, 2008)

Hi everybody

Was wondering if there is anybody else out there who - during their IVF journey - suddenly got scared to continue because I can't even think of how to cope with another BFN.

Had two BFNs this year after ICSI in Feb and May. 

We have a DS aged 2, conceived naturally after 2 1/2 years trying and conceived a month before our first attempt at IVF was scheduled. Now been trying for nearly another two years, and after more than 20 BFN on natural cycles and the two IVF failures I suddenly got very cold feet about the next attempt.

When we started we said we'd do 4 fresh cycles and that sounded like a lot, and having managed one pregnancy before, I was enormously positive that one of those would work. The first BFN I managed to digest quite well - I always thought it wouldn't work as that would just be too lucky. But the second one threw me more than I expected and now I don't seem to be able to pick myself up and move on to the next attempt.

I'll be 40 next April and we were planning to have those two cycles (or ideally of course only the next cycle) before then. And if it didn't work then we'd try naturally until I'm 42. Which sounded ok and always having been a glass half full person that all makes sense on paper and plenty of reasons to still be positive and hopeful. But it's not how I feel. 

I've been stalling to set up an appointment with the new clinic for a couple of months now and whilst I always have good excuses the real reason is I just don't want to do #3 as I'm too worried of another BFN.   

Seem to be caught up in that loop. Not sure there is any wisdom that can help me, but just felt like i needed to share.

Mx


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## charlotte80 (Feb 27, 2011)

Hi Myla,
Sorry to hear of your BFNs.
I know how you feel, I thought my second round would work too. I have cold feet too as I can't bear another failure, part of me wants to get going with another round and the other half thinks if i'm not going through it i can't get another BFN.
I have booked our next consualtation with our clinic as feel ready to get the ball rolling (have just done it today). Sometimes I feel it has been too long (had last BFN in February) and other times I'm glad I gave myself a little break (well we have been busy having tests done and i'm booked in for a hysteroscopy next week)
I would give yourself that time to grieve, maybe have a couple of weeks where you don't discuss IVF, go and have fun with your DS, do things that make you happy and then after that book your appointment if you feel ready.


Charlotte


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