# always on the go!



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

Thought I would post on here and see if anyone else experiences this with there little one 

My AD is 22months now and extremely bright very chatty in fact the chatter is non-stop, she seems unable to relax in fact the only time she does is when we have the afternoon tv session which is usually after her nap for about 40minutes and she really relaxes then. the rest of the time she is like a ping pong ball (the only way I can explain) she runs everywhere and is so loud! When we are out at mums and tots etc she invades other childrens personal space not in an aggressive way but more an inquisitive way and if they have like a dora the explorer jumper on or bob the builder anything like that she will prod them and shout dora over and over again and I think other children find her quite overwhelming to be honest, nothing seems to phase her.

We went to baby ballet this morning and she was the only child who could not sit on her mums lap for just a couple of minutes to do some of the exercises she was just dancing about and generally getting very excited of course everyone else thought she was delightful which she is but sometimes I just think what is up with her?

We also now can put her down to sleep without the rocking, milk etc and she will chatter and play for about 30minutes then go to sleep but every night when we go and check on her she has always stripped off! and is laid there in her nappy we then have to do a military operation to try and get the fleecy suit back on and retrieve the dummy from wherever it has gone! we have to do this cos our house is quite cold and she would wake up in the early hours if we didnt!

Everything is on her terms and she seems to be quite controlling and defiant at times (i know toddlers can be like this) but to be honest I am quite exhausted by it all, if there are any simalarities in any of your children or some words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!, shes sleeping at the moment and I should be doing some housework 

Dawny
x


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## Talitha (aka Pickle) (May 13, 2008)

Hi Dawny,

Oh poor you!!  

She sounds just like my niece who is wonderful but it is tiring. The only thing I can say is that her personality responds best to very firm boundaries and guidelines, which you obviously have in place anyway. She is great when she's encouraged but also knows where the limitations are and gets plenty of physical energy. 'No' needs to be totally unambiguous with her and it's the worst when she manages to turn it round into a 'yes'!! So stick to your guns. you have done so well already. 

The only other thing I can recommend is a grobag! Look at grobag.com, under products. My dd had one of these as we live in an old house which gets cold too and it's worth every penny!

Clare xx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

i can sympathise! My DD is very busy too!  I used to use grobags but she finds them frustrating.

However, someone did recommend putting babygros on back to front - this was to stop her investigating the contents of her nappy - but it might work for you too?

Does she have anything in her diet that might be making her a bit more energetic than normal?  I know M is worse after sugar!

I know i've often thought - oh wouldn't it be lovely to have a nice quiet passive baby!!  But i wouldn't change her - despite how exhausting she gets!

Big hugs hun


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi Dawny

Sometimes it can depend on what background your daughter has come from. As a very chaotic background can lead to behave as you describe. My little one had severe attachment/behaviour issues when he first came to us and we have had to work hard at them. 
Do you think you might need to use the adoption support service or maybe just have a read up, try books about attachment/self regulation and see if they help

If you want some help/ideas please feel free to pm me 

love
suzie xx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Dawny - sorry hun, i didn't see that this was on the adoption thread - so yes, i think suzie may have hit on something i didn't realise! I still sympathise with having a hectic one though!!


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi, my ds2 is just the same and he is almost 20 months. It is very tiring. I think it is just toddlers.  My ds1 who is not adopted was similar in lots of ways at the same age but he would sit on my lap but ds2 won't for more than a few seconds. Personally I wouldn't worry about it as she will learn to socialise more acceptably as she gets older.  Going back to my ds2, he doesn't strip off in the night though but refuses to have a cot blanket over him as he has never had one while at fc.  We put a vest on, babygro on and a zip up fleecey babygro over the top!  If we don't he wakes up in the night as he is cold. Boys are much more lively than girls in the main but girls can be a live wire as well.  Unless you suspect that your dd's background could be causing this behaviour I would just tell yourself that it is a phase and she will calm down as she gets older.  Try and enjoy this time if you can as time whizzes by and all too soon this will just be a memory as your dd grows up   When she gets to 2 you could put her into a playgroup for a few hours to give you a break.  They would soon tell you if they felt that your dd's behaviour was not natural.


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Dawny, my DS was like that from when we first got him aged 14 months.  He was always on the go and could never play by himself, he always wanted our attention.  2 years later he was diagnosed as having attachment issues.  However before you start panicking, my DD has no attachment issues and also displays a lot of the behaviour that you have described as she is just a very independent, standardly stroppy toddler  .

I would take Suzie's advice and look backwards at the start your daughter has had in her life and what affect, if any, that could have had on her current personality.  In my DS's case his problems with self regulation weren't helped by the fact that he was fostered by somebody who childminded older kids so he became very used to noise/rough and tumble at an early age.  In our case there were more obvious signs as he always preferred men to women and could be quite resistant to me which is classic attachment issues behaviour.  We have read some good books and had lots of support from our After Adoption group so we have a good idea of what is going on these days and how we should deal with things.  Notice I say "should" as things don't always go to plan  

I'm sorry for such a vague reply as I know how wearing it can be from my own experience and all I wanted was for somebody to say "Yeah, mine did that, all you need to do is this or read this book and all your problems will go away".  Unfortunately parenting is never that straightforward.  Please fell free to PM me if you want to discuss further.

Cindy

PS I can also recommend grobags.


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Cindy thank you for posting that  I am not good with words sometimes so my post probably wasnt worded very well 
I am glad you get lots of support from your post adoption group as I have a feeling I will be using them for help also at some point 

Ditto it can be very tiring! and hope we can help in some small way  even with suggestions 

xxx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Dawny - you have just described my DD.  

She was like that from 18months through to 3.  She was 'more' energetic/flighty than other children but never soo much that it was seen as a problem or 'diagnosed'. However it meant we limited the kinds of groups we went to - she was 3 before she could do rhyme time at the library and sit still for 5 minutes. 

I thought it was 'just her presonality' or to do with the fact that her foster carers showered her with toys and attention meaning she never spent time playing quietly alone as a baby - until i went to a local adoption UK meeting and about 80% of parents had children exactly the same - irrespective of how old they were when adopted/moved to foster care etc.  

Apparently it is the 'primal wound' thing they talk about in prep course (so i am told).  I haven't read the book but one of the mums at the adoption group explained that it is a sort of 'inate' loss that even babies suffer and it affects their ability to just be 'calm and still' and not anxious at some level. it doesn't necessarily mean they have AD  - just that they are more 'fidgety' than other children and sometimes take longer to learn certain social skills (like personal space or noice control or ...in my DDs case..listening to adults and responding to let them know you heard them).

Hope your child is just like mine and grows more calm as she grows more attached/older. If it helps at all - my DD seems lots calmer now (even my parents noticed!) and will even sit for 20mins with a jigsaw with no problem just like her peers...and started at nursery school last week with minimal issues.  However, in the meantime perhaps a local Adoption UK group might support you and give you tips (mine were great).

Magenta x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

thanks everyone for your supportive replies and different view points which I have digested somewhat.

With reference to the attachment side of things I have always had a niggle but not on a big scale, when she first came to us at 13months she was very compliant (hope that is the right word) and was generally a cuddly baby if not a bit clingy, we then went through a stage of over friendly behaviour towards strangers lots of flirty smiles, and generally more interested in her environment than her mummy and daddy with one incident of putting her arms to a lady to be picked up again this was on a very minor scale, I managed to rein this in with stopping at home more lots of 1:1 games etc etc, and this has now subsided, I think the problem is that we get over one problem/behaviour and then another surfaces  thus the reason for my recent post, again we have good days and bad days with this.

With reference to her past she was removed from birth family at 8 weeks and stayed with foster family until us but did have two respites with paternal grandma over the first 12months which in my opinion must of been confusing for her, she had a close ?attach ed relationship with foster mum and dad who had 3 children of their own, a teenager a younger child and a 4/5year old adopted child so was a busy household is this what you mean Suzie about a chaotic background? 

I also take on mummy2 view point of it possibly being toddler behaviour and also from Magnenta that she may grow out of it, and also cindy thankyou and no I wont start panicking just want to give her as much help as possible and identify a problem if there is one, sally and talitha thanks for the advice and tip on 'growbags' which i will look into.

I have just ordered the margot sunderland 'what every parent needs to know' from amazon will let u know what I think of that, also any other tips to help with this hyper behaviour would be greatly recieved - currently we attend 2 x mum and tots group and baby ballet a week, we alternate with one of the mums and tots with an adoption support mum and tots group which is very informal and can be supportive unfortunately one of the little boys in the group keeps 'attacking' my little one in quite a viscous way so I tend to stick to her like glue to prevent the attacks which then means I dont get to chat to the other mums which defeats the object of attending some what!

Its good that my dh has also noticed this behavious and has expressed a slight concern questioning if it is 'normal' so feel we are both on the same side if you know what I mean!

Will keep you posted and I do try and look at the positives as I love her to bits and her character/personality just dont want it to develop into a problem.

thanks again

Dawny

Ps forgot to mention she plays very well on her own with her toys for significant periods which she didnt used to so thats an improvement!


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Dawny that is what a meant by a chaotic background, Often even foster families who have lots of children at one time can cause these little ones to revert back to past behaviours 

Sounds like you are doing all the right things with her , to help 

Its funny but K has just started prep school this week and due to change of routine he has reverted back to a few behaviours that I thought has gone for good! 
So I guess it is perseverance for us all 

xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi suzie,

Thanks for your reply I never gave the foster family a thought before but now I think about it it could of had an impact as it was so busy all the time and quite a small house 

Have just recieved the margot sunderland book and it has me gripped! only read first chapter which is about how the brain develops and how different parenting styles can help the different areas of the brain this covers the emotional regulation bit which at our little ones age she wont of fully developed so is up to us to help her manage her emotions, I think I was doing it anyway without realising but has made me realise how crucial how our responses to her behaviours could be detrimental to her emotional well being sorry going off on a tangent now 

anyway will keep plodding on and hope all is well with your little one pre-school is a big step isnt it for them? Hope he settles down soon and is enjoying it.

Dawny
xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hi Dawny

Sounds like you have a fab understanding of the way that looked after childrens brains can develop without the emotional things they need in the first couple of years of life  It really will help your little one lots as we can understand why they have certain behaviours and work with them to overcome them  

Prep school is huge for my little one as she still doesn't fair very well in large groups of people. Hence why we are sending him to independant prep school   as they only have classes of 10 to 12 children. Having said that they say he is doing really well 

 with the rest of the book. It is very interesting to learn all about why our little ones sometimes display certain behaviours

xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I have to echo what Suzie has said.  Good luck with the book, I read her "Science of Parenting and found that really useful if recognising some of DS's behaviour".  I might have to give the one you are reading a go as well.

Cindy


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