# Time to give up?



## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi 


Trying to decide how much longer to wait to be a Mummy  


It's been nearly a year since we saw a child's CPR and had an interview (was a competitive match we lost out on).


Since then have been told about two children but neither of them have come to anything.


Don't have the energy for this any more…


Bluebells x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

oh Bluebells, I'm so sorry to hear that you feel this way.  I can't begin to imagine how hard it has been for you.   
I'm sure you have done all you can - CWW etc.  I    you will have some news soon and that you annual review will give you some answers and peace. 


Only you can decide what to do.  You have so much to offer a child - your determination and commitment are obvious.  Your day will come. 


Bx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

no advice i'm afraid but hope the review gives you a positive way forward


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Bluebells

(((((HUGS)))))  I can't imagine what the waiting is like for you and have no real advice for your review other than asking whether there is anything else you can do to sell yourselves better or tick that extra box in the eyes of LAC SWs.  How 'tight' is your matching criteria?  Could you open it up a bit by saying you will discuss something rather than a definate no?

Whether it is time to give up, only you can decide, but personally after all the time and effort I wouldn't give up, I'd rather still be in with a chance than no chance at all.

How much is your SW doing for you?  Doesn't sound like much tbh!  I think you need to keep on at them, they say the one that shouts the loudest etc gets noticed but you do also have to be proactive as most SWs are so overloaded with work they can't always do the best for you and expect you to take on finding a family yourself.  Sorry if you are already doing all this, I don't want to offend you.

Hope your review meeting brings some positive news for you.
OT x


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya bluebells

   sorry ur feeling the way u do. it must b so difficult to try and stay positive. i dont really have any additional advice apart from what the girls have already said.  

heres hoping ur review brings some positive news. 

take care of urself x x x x x


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

hi hun, 
have sent you a PM,
lol
Dxxx


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## Jet (Jun 10, 2003)

Hi Bluebell
Big Hugs   to you first...  I do know it is really hard playing the waiting game   .
What we did was sign up for "be my parent" and "children who wait" magazine which was helpful for A to see what children are available and B I rang the social workers for the children we found we would like to find out more,at least I felt like I was being proactive for our search, and finally I contacted my agency to find out about "open days"  which BAAF hold where loads of different LA go to help find homes for children.
Good luck and hope your search comes to fruitation very soon
Jet


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

No words of wisdom but I wanted to say I am thinking of you xxx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks for your messages everyone. Sorry it has taken me a while to reply.


We will certainly ask if there is anything else we can do to increase our chances, by 'ticking the extra box'. May be they can tell us what that box is too?


I'm fairly sure we are already in the Consortium and on the National Register, in fact our SW has told us about several children from LA's a long way away, but their SW's have never short listed us  


We will ask why we haven't been shown any CPRs for ages. Not sure what we're doing wrong. Hopefully we will find out in the meeting and will be able to make a better informed decision about whether to carry on waiting.


love Bluebells xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Sounds good Bluebells, hope you find your family soon.

Are you with a VA or LA?

OT x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi OT,

we're with an LA.

Bluebells xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Bluebells

in that case I'd be asking how many adopters they have waiting for that age range and how many children they have coming through the system.  Your SW should be able to answer these questions without referring back to the office.  

If they are looking at CWW it doesn't sound as though they have many children about but I would still ask as as a result of the Baby P incident children have been taken into care at younger ages than they previously would have been across the country.  Our LA is now seeing the impact of this as they have lots of children close to getting POs and very few adopters due to stopping assessments to save money!

Good luck with your meeting.  I know it must be hard to be waiting so long but you have been through so much, it would be a waste to give up now.

OT x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks OT, we will ask that question.

Bluebells xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Bluebells

How did your meeting go?

OT x


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## Nefe (Jan 6, 2008)

Hi Bluebells

I just wanted to give you some support my love and OT has given some wonderful advice. Please don't give up you will be a family. We have just had a child placed and we were waiting 21 months from approval to DD coming home.

I hope your meeting went well and you get some CPR's through very soon. Have you send your profile out to any other authorities?

Nefe
x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

noooooooo

never give up - you've done all the hard work and you are so close.......your LO's are out there somewhere waiting for you.

forget adoption, take a holiday, get busy etc - and that phonecall will come when you least expect it! 

 

ritz


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi everyone.

Sorry it's taken me a while to reply.

Meeting went ok actually and if anything I feel better now because lots of the questions we had were answered favourably, e.g. we're definitely on the consortium and the national register and our SW is on the case with sending our profiles out.

We were given 3 CPRs to read, just to get used to doing that again. We haven't been shortlisted for any of the children however. We need to let our SW know if we want to express and interest and she will then tell the appropriate SW and see if we're in the running. Only read them last night as had been on holiday or a few days.

I'm still a little nervous about competitive matches and that I've become rusty at talking about adoption/parenthood if we were to have an interview, but I guess I can do some swatting beforehand? 

Someone posted the link the other day on another thread - sorry can't remember who - about a Radio 5 programme which I've listened to. The couple who were interviewed had adopted a little girl and you could hear her gurgling in the background  It was very comforting to hear other people voicing the same concerns as we have at the moment, but to know that they had now successfully adopted. Made me feel more positive. I'd recommend anyone else who is waiting listens to it too. 

I've just found the link to the Radio 5 programme, here it is http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00sr3x4#segments

I've even ordered my first book to read for ages. I've got to believe this will happen haven't I?

Have a nice weekends all and thanks again for your advice and support,
love from Bluebells xxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Bluebells

Its great to hear you sounding more positive again.

I'm sure you will find your family but I know it must be hard at times to believe it will happen.

Enjoy reading!
OT x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Bluebells, all sounding good then. Keep plodding on and one day it *will* happen. As I have said before, it took us 4 years from start to ds2 moving in but all that waiting fades to nothing when you finally bring your child home.


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks OT and Mummyof2 


B x


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi bluebells

    im glad ur feeling better. all the waiting is def difficult. stay positive and strong.....ur gonna be a mummy one day soon, im sure of it.    

take care


love camly x x x  x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks Camly 
x


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