# IUI With Vaginismus Part 19



## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

New home ladies


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning!

Just wanted to beat Polly to being 1st on a new thread! 

How is everyone today?


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Annie



I'm fine today, but got up a little late and wondering if I'm going to have a migraine. Going to have a cup of tea and some paracetamol in a sec.

Was going to have a sewing day today, but just realised that my patterns are not quite right, so I'm off to sort that out...

What are you up to?

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Well Polly, I am supposed to be working but that just seems so unappealing today!

Thought I'd pop back to see if anyone had posted before I play eenie meenie miny mo with my cases!

Have got lunch in an hour with two colleagues who left earlier this year to go on mat leave. So that'll be an hour listening about nappy rash, cracked nipples and the colour of thir babies pooh no doubt.... oh and of course endless tips on what I should/shouldn't do and buy. How fabulous


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Have fun!  

I'm getting nowhere fast here....

Interesting being home during the day - a whole new world!

Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Well, I've had my 2 duvet days and instead of making me revived and rested, instead I'm in a foul mood and apart from af being due next week I have no idea why as I'm worse that usual.  I think work colleagues think I'm just poorly still (like I was in the first place, not!) as I don't think I've cracked so much as a smile all day, and I was horrible to bf last night (in fact, I just wanted him to leave from the moment he arrived and silently fumed all evening).  No dilators either as I haven't had any time to myself for about a week now.  Pff.  Also, a friend of mine has emailed me pics of her new baby this morning, who I have to admit is gorgeous but I'm just envious as I want to be married, happy with 2.4 children - now!  ... Ok, that's over now.  Sorry. 

Donna, how was the meeting?

Hope everyone else is well (and happier than me!).

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Claire

Sorry you're feeling so  . I don't know how long you've lived alone, but I certainly found it hard to adjust to DH actually being there in my flat all the time! Of course, maybe you're just in a bad mood, and it happens to all of us.  .

Take care

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Ugh! - back from lunch. Had to endure at least 10 rounds of the "wheels on the bus"  whilst trying to hold a conversation. Please slap me with a wet fish if you ever catch me sounding like that!

Claire - It is perfectly alright to feel grumpy sometimes, particularly with other halves. No, they don't need to have done anything or said anything wrong. It is quite acceptable for us to just be annoyed by their presence  

Polly - Have you discovered the world of trashy afternoon t.v. Is Columbo still on?


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Annie - you'll be there, the whole nine yards, it seems inevitable! Sorry, no Columbo, or at least I'm not watching it - I've got a boxed set of Marilyn Monroe films I am working my way through!

But I seem to have solved the printer problem, so I am getting a new pattern through as we speak, and may even get cut out before DH comes back. 

Work hard - someone has to pay the taxes!  

Love
Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Today has been a more successful day. I have finally done some Christmas shopping and dh has bought us a car. The silly man has bought a used car off the internet without having seen it,  but there is no point me worrying about all that as it is too late now. It won't be delivered for at least a week which can't come quickly enough for me.

Claire - perhaps it is the weather? I've been the same for the last few days. The slightest thing makes me want to bite someone's head off or burst into tears (and I've done both with dh on the phone). I hope you feel better soon.

Annie - is it suitcases or work cases you're pondering over? When I first read your post I thought I thought that you too were about to desert us for foreign climes. 
I bet you'll be singing the wheels on the bus this time next year. 

Polly - poor you having another migraine. Must be all that stress. Can you knit as well as sew. I'm contemplating having another go, but I haven't knitted anything since I made a scarf for a toy penguin about 23 years ago. The scarf outlived the penguin though..... A very sweet old lady (neighbour of dh's grandmother) has knitted some baby stuff for me already. It was lovely of her but really freaked me out as it seems far too early for all that.

Donna - I wonder how you got on yesterday? I can't wait to hear all about it.

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

YOOHOO! DONNA!

Waiting to hear....


Emma - I don't really enjoy knitting as much as sewing, although of course it is a much less untidy hobby. But if there was a Pollybaby on the way, I think I would get into it no probs.

I can't imagine what I would say to my DH if he bought a car over the internet (apart from "clever boy", cos I don't think he has a clue about cars or the internet)  Never mind, if it doesn't work out, it should be good for winning in arguments for at least - oh - twenty years.  

I managed to stave off the migraine enough to get my jacket cut out. Christmas shopping tomorrow after the dentist and then I'll cut out DH's and sew over the weekend.

I have just heard that The Lad is spending the rest of December at my sis's. So glad that we are off to Tenerife, and also that he doesn't work for us any more - I feel really sorry for him spending Christmas with my WHOLE family, including my dad!   But I couldn't bear the shame if I had to "boss" him again in January!

Donna - come on!!

Love
Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hello all,

Annie, I sing all those annoying songs all day long and they get stuck in your head! I even sing them at weekends - DH things I 'm a fruit cake  

Claire I hope you are feeling better  

Emma, what car did DH buy?

Polly, you are soooooooooo clever making clothes! is there really no end to your talents! can you juggle? bet you can  

Right sorry to keep you all in suspense but was to tired to come on here last night after meeting.

Meeting was fab but bloody intense! 
DH and I haven't discussed all of it yet as wanted to digest it all in our own minds first (will talk tonight) but noth our intial reactions as we left the meeting were ' lets go for it'  

It is going to be no easy ride and probably more of a rollacoaster than IUI but it will be worth it! some parts of the meeting nearly had me in tears so I think I am going to be very emotional about the whole thing - trust me eh!
Once we apply we will have a 1:1 meeting for about 2 hours with a social worker to disucuss it all in more depth and so they can ask us questions about ttc and stuff, if we pass that stage then we go on a prep course in feb! and when thats complete we are about ahlf way there! sounds simple but its not really!

After prep course our homestudy will start which will be very intrusive and want to know EVERYTHING about us past, present and future we will also be police check ( I am already!) and give 3 referees! then after that we go to pannel and hopefully get approved! we will be in about september by then! once approved its time to find a child, we will staff with lewisham (our LA) for 3 months after that we can join adoption register which is nationwide and will also make leaflets selling ourselves to give to other LA!
Thats it in a nutshell, its a very scary dicsion and I hope you will all be with me every step of the way.
Just told my mum and all she said was 'right ok then' not really the reply I was after -  I don't think she gets it at all unsurportive moo!

Anyhoo thats me  

Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Donna

That all sounds very positive! 

Juggling!    

Dinner's ready!

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Donna, your meeting sounds very promising, that is good news.  

I'm feeling a little better now, but still abit annoyed and fed up (and still no idea why).  Went to the cinema to see Flightplan last night with a friend which cheered me up and bf had bought me flowers as well which was really nice of him considering how grumpy I'm being.    Off to Switzerland tomorrow for the day, going to the Christmas market and into the Black Forest.  Very excited... once we land.  I have already filled up my hipflask to the brim with brandy and will be making a beeline for the nearest wine provider at the airport.  We've got a big Christmas lunch today too - I should be over the moon with happiness... 

Emma, have you bought a car yet?  What did you go for?

Annie, Polly, hope you're well.

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello, here's hoping 3rd time lucky. My first post was lost when the PC crashed, then we had a power cut for 2 hours as I was doing no 2.

Donna - I am so excited for you. Sounds like everything went well. It is* wonderful * to hear you sounding so happy and excited. I'm sure it will be a very difficult and emotional process, but you are strong enough to cope with it. Your mother will come round. She just needs to get used to the idea. We'll be with you every step of the way.

Polly - hope the shopping and sewing is going well. Is there no end to your talents? You haven't really convinced me that knitting is much fun.
You are so right about dh and the car. What with that and the failed job/house move up north, I'll be able to say 'I told you so' for years.  I'm not going to worry about it. The car is still under warranty for another year, so there is some peace of mind there.
It is an Audi A6 (scarily huge estate). I'm only used to driving and, more importantly, parking a tiny car. 

Claire - I'm glad you feel a little bit better today. Perhaps by Monday you'll be back you your old self. Don't worry about those pesky dilators until you are good and ready. Have a lovely weekend in Switzerland; I hope the flight is OK. Have some fondue for me.

Annie - hello again!

I'm really looking forward to dh coming back this weekend. My BIL (the prodigal son, baby brother) is also coming for the weekend, and I get to meet his girlfriend for the first time. Everyone here gets so excited about BIL's arrival and talks of nothing else, it is all quite baffling.

Emma, xxxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Crikey Claire - Sounds like you've got an Annie weekend planned  

Have a fabulous time in Switzerland. Hope you come back with lots of nice goodies.

Donna - I'm so glad the meeting went well and that you & DH both came out of there feeling more positive about going for it. You can 100% count on me to be here for you all the way. I feel really excited for you & DH. I know it's going to be a long and sometimes hard road, but we'll get you through it and celebrate with you when you get your very own little person! We should seriously think about meeting then and having a little celebration!

Polly - Interesting news that The Lad is spending Xmas with your family. Sounds serious! Wedding bells next year maybe  

Emma - What car did DH purchase for you?

Had a bit of a sad morning. We have a lovely guy who joined my team a few months back and I get on with him really well. His Father has a terminal cancer. His situation very much mirrors the one I had with my Dad and he learned of this shortly after joining us. He told me a fair few weeks ago that he'd heard about me loosing my Pops and disclosed to me about his and asked if and when he needed to if he could chat to me about it.

Well this morning he has come into work and I could tell something wasn't right. He asked me to go for a cuppa with him and he is ever so upset. He was trying desperately hard to hold back the tears. We chatted for about 40 minutes and we talked about how it all went when I went through it all and how I felt, what I did etc. 

I really hope I was of some help. I always feel like I never have the right words.


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Annie - Audi A6 (big estate)

That poor chap. I'm sure it did help him to talk to you. It doesn't always matter what you say (and you probably did say the right things) but more that you were there for him.

Our moving plans are not going to plan. The chap we're buying from hasn't returned all the bits of paper to his solicitor, and nothing can progress until he does. It is soooo frustrating.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hello,

Annie, going on the advice you have given me recently I am sure you said and did all the right things xx

Emma, lucky you I am so envious I love audis, not sure about A6 though Very big!  

Polly, how are you? I have a feeling your not to sure about me adopting? not that your opioion would stop me (no efence) I would still like you input?

Claire wow ebjoy your weekend you lucky moo!

Well cant turn back now, posted reply slip in this morning so have to wait now to hear back from a social worker and be called in for interigation, oops I mean interview!

I am very excited and very very scared! much more scared than with IUI! I have some of the same feelings I had when I started treatment with a whole load of new  ones thrown in!

Will the child feel like my own?
Will I look at him her and see my child?
Will they love me as much as there 'real mum'
Will others love them as they would my biological child?
Will we even get as far as being accepted for a child?
  
Thought I would share my thoughts for today.

I hope you are all well, I have college tommorrow  

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Donna - I'm also worried that the A6 is too big. Thank goodness I won't have to parallel park anymore at the new house. I don't get it until a week on Tuesday. Then I'm going to drive around here where there is very little traffic and practice parking in empty carparks. It is like learning to drive all over again.

It is perfectly natural to have all those questions and concerns about adoption. I'd be worried if you didn't. You will be a fabulous mother. How the child feels about you will depend on it age and background and life experiences. A very young one might adapt much more easilky than a 13year old. Can you put an upper age limit on the child you'd adopt? Would you want to?
Although you will worry about it all when it is an abstract idea, once it actually happens I bet half those concerns will vanish as you and dh (and your friends and family) just get on with the business of looking after the child. Would you carry on working?

I hope college goes OK. Make some time for yourself too this weekend.

What is everyone else up to?


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi Emma,

Well DH is taking his mum xmas shopping sunday so will have day to myself but should do college work I will be set tommorrow as wont be much time over xmas, plus have childrens reports to make a start on!

Yes we can put an upper age limit and at the moment our thinking is 0-3yrs but that could change, dont really think we would want an older child cause we would feel we have missed out on so much, plus given our ages a younger child would suit as better as it will appear more natural. If we were matched with a 10 yr old I would have given birth at 13!

Donna x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

oh ment to say AF as not arrived yet? its so weired not to be thinking and talking about it all the time!

Didn't have bms this month so I am absolutley sure I am not pregnant! just very refreshed not to feel anything for AF infact I wish it would arrive!

Donna xx

Oh and Emma hopefully I will give up work, for a year or 2 alteast


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

Donna - I can't imagine what I have said that makes you think I'm not sure about you adopting   I think I've only said positive things   I have been quite tired and not brill for the last few days, so maybe that came over a bit in my post?

Anyway, apart from the fact that you are right, and my opinion shouldn't make any difference,  , I think that it's great to be thinking about offering a family to a child that needs one, and be prepared to taket hat journey, and it will be fantastic if/when that "thought" turns into reality for you and a new child. You'll make a great family together. We have adopted children in our family, not of course that it makes any difference there either  . I've been racking my brains to remember how the various stages went, to help out, but I'm afraid that I can't remember any useful detail - just the broad brush stuff that you will have heard at the meeting I'm sure.

Anyway, you have my support - as long as it's right for you, then it's right. What I mean is that I'm with you, and if it also happened that you got so far and decided it wasn't right (yet), I'd still be with you. Does that make sense? 

All your questions are quite normal, but you will be their "real" mum, so all the questions will be redundant once you get that child in your life!

We did ALL our Christmas shopping in about 2 hours today. We went to St Albans (Emma will know there is a great bookfair there every December) and between that and other shops, we did it all. I think it helped that we were on such a budget, so we had less choice. But we were pleased with our results! 

Emma - didn't you say that you were hopng to move in at the end of this month? Has it just occured to the vendor that he'll have to move so soon after Christmas? Maybe if you renegotiated the moving date by a week or two he might be more co-operative?

Annie - I'm sure you said the right thing to your colleague, but just listening was enough I'm sure.   about wedding bells - it'll be a goth wedding i think!

Claire - Have a great time in Switzerland! 

In a week, we will be in Tenerife! Got a pig of a week ahead, finishing off little bits and bobs, but I'll be on that plane on Friday! 

Love
Polly

P.S. Donna, did you stop charting this month, given your decision? And you say that you didn't have BMS, did you have any S? (what intrusive questions!)


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning, Morning, Morning Dear Friends

Aaaah, Saturday! Feels good wouldn't you say? I led in bed until 10am reading Harry P again! Then had a major blitz of the kitchen. What I didn't clean, I threw out. Well... it'll all be going soon hopefully. New everything please DH  

Well last night I went for a nice back massage. Birthday treat from a friend. Then had dinner with said friend and a good old natter.

Was meant to be babysitting overnight, but my friend is poorly so my services are no longer required. I'm just going to have a quick bath , grab a Big Mac and head on over there to see her and the girls.

Tomorrow is reserved for a smidge bit more cleaning, lots of pressie wrapping, card writing and visiting the Grandparents.

Not much of an Annie weekend, but boy oh boy do we have an Annie week ahead - 

Monday - Meeting old friend for drink
Tuesday - Visisting friend who recently had baby
Wednesday - Surprise 30th birthday party for best friend
Thursday - Night Off!
Friday - Work Xmas Do

....and then collapse in a heap and sleep for 2 days and figure out how to download piccies from new digital camera DH bought Thursday! 

If one is feeling brave and we get any decent shorts from these events, I may PM a "normal" piccie of me so you can see the real Annie - school uniform  

Have a fabulous weekend everyone xxxx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Annie - still sounds like quite a busy weekend to me, and what a week you've got coming. How do you do it? I'm looking forward to seeing pictures of you looking normal. 

Polly - I am so jealous of you going to St Albans yesterday. I wish I was there. the shopping is a zillion times better than here (unless you want beige cardigans in unpleasant synthetic fibres, the local speciality here).
Yes, moving will be into the new year by now. We spoke to the estate agent today. I don't think the vendor is being deliberately difficult, he just doesn't have the same sense of urgency as we do. We don't want to upset him though as he'll be our neighbour; he's built a new house behind his present one.

Donna - how was college? Are you doing something nice tomorrow?

I've spent the day shopping for food, visiting dh's grandmother and carrying our various errands for her, and just vegging out with dh. Very nice it has been too. Even managed a bit of 'S' this morning, the first time in ages, although we had to try and do it silently. 
I'm off to get a Chinese takeaway now.

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Sorry Polly I hope I didn't upset you in any way? I did feel you were being positive but thought from your text that maybe you wasn't 100% sure, guess thats the problem with just reading things itsi in teh eye of the reader.

Thanks for all you have all said its so nice to have your support! I would love to have a child by next christmas, but DH is worried I am setting a target that may not be met I know he is right but just can't face waiting till 2007 to be a mum!

Polly we to did our shopping in a few hours which was helped as you were by the fact we had a tight budget!

Annie, what a week   where do you get the energy? I cant do anything on a week night!

Still no AF?
Had no bms or 's' this month so cant be pregnant. had period last month which was very very painful on first day (had to take day off as couldn't move I was doubled over in pain) and I felt very faint.
AF only lasted 1 or maybe 2 days though hard to remeber now. That does happen to me sometimes though!

I stopped charting so can't tell anything from that, only that from day 1- about 13 my temp seemed very low to me 35-36.5 mostly

Nothing exciting planned for me tommorrow, DH is taking his mum and sister xmas shopping so I have day to myself where I will probably Start the masses of college work I recieved today (have less time this month as I am off work over xmas) make a start on childrens reports, write xmas cards and wrap presesnts although I will probably feel like doing none of the above!

Changed internet and phone line providers today and having a nightmare! broadband still not working probably so there customer services will be getting an ear bashing form me on monday!

Donna xx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Morning all,

Its freezing isn't it.

Hope you are all having a nice weekend and a restfull sunday.

Woke up at 9am and its sunday   was not impressed! but hay guess it makes the day longer.

Just been watching tv (as we now have digital) have any of you watch price drop tv I think its called? its so addictive and even if your not buying anything you can't help but watch to see what the items finally go for! crazy!

Just looked at the kitchen and its shocking so think I will be cleaning today! and then starting childrens reports!

Hope you are all well

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Donna - 2 tickers!  I think 9am is quite late to be getting up on a Sunday, but then I can't stay awake in the evening beyond 10pm. It is freezing cold here too and very foggy.

Got to go. Lots of people are here for Sunday lunch. Dh is cooking a huge pork roast. Yum yum.

Hope everyone else is OK. I'll be back later,

Emma, xxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

HI,

Not a fan of pork but as I know your DH is a fantastic cook I know ti will be very yummy.

Emma, sunday morning is early for me full stop  

Well cleaned kitchen a lttle, ended up takinmg blind down and washing it and cleaning windows, only inside though as its to cold.
Written a few christmas cards, just ordering last few little bits for christmas on net now, then must really start childrens reports, think I'll try writting atleast 2 today.

Donna xx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

So bored today,

I have done half of everything! done half of a report! writen SOME xmas cards and done a bit of cleaning! just can seem to finish a task!

Just made an apple crunble so hope that comes out ok! its in the now!

Just waiting for DH to come home from xmas shopping with his mum so we can have roast! I am starving

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Sweet Lord I am tired today. Fell back to sleep this morning reading Harry - until 11am!!! Feel really rotten for it though

Just had a nice chinese, watching Home Alone (classic) and finishing wrapping.

Then off to bed. Will chat more tomorrow - more time at work 

Just wanted to say hello xxx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

hello again,

Annie- hope you feel better for an early night.

Donna - I really want some apple crumble now. I love it but rarely have it as dh isn't keen. I hope your roast was yummy.

Claire, Polly - have you been affected by the fire at Hemel? Can you see the smoke from your houses?
I panicked when I turned on the news this morning Our furniture etc is all in storage in Hemel. I've checked it out on a map and it is the other side of town to the fire, so everything hould be OK. 

I am really tired today too. Perhaps yet another snack will help.
Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxxx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

How are we all today?

Claire - how was Switzerland? How was the flight?

Polly - how is your sewing going? Are you ready for your holiday yet? I am so jealous - i'd love some winter sun.

Donna - I hope you had a lovely evening with dh.

Annie - are you feeling refreshed now and ready to face your week of partying?

I have the house to myself today which is just bliss. MIL has gone to a conference all day. I'm going to do a few errands and pop to a supermarket and then crash out on the sofa all afternoon watching DVDs. Heaven. 

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

Claire - how did Switzerland go? I hope you were ok on the flight?

The wind was blowing in the other direction, so we have had no smoke problems - in fact I didn't even hear anything! But talking to people today, it is all a right mess...

Annie - less tired now? I'm at home and thinking of having a lttle nap before finishing my jacket. I decided I didn't like it last night, but now I can see how I can change it so that I do. But a little snooze now would be good...

Emma - hope you are enjoying your day alone, and watching lots of trashy films. Does your MIL think that you need lots of rest, or does she think you should take it all in your stride (that is, when she is not having by-elections...)

Donna - has AF arrived yet? Did you get your work done?

No news from me really. Think that I might have o'd early this month, but if I did, our timing was good. Not that it helps, though. But that does mean that we have no chance of the next cycle falling so that we can go on to injectibles, just plain old clomid, as probably af will be on Christmas Eve, Day or Boxing Day. Right in time to spoil the second week of hols! 

The day after we get back, we have my parents staying for a week. Always interesting!

Love
Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Polly - MIL thinks I should take it all in my stride. She used to be a midwife and then was sister on an obs and gynae ward and thinks she has seen and knows everything.  Hre knowledge is at least 30 years out of date but she refuses to believe anything that has happened since 'her day'. She's have me eating soft cheese and liver and drinking coffee and wine all day long if she could. She is often telling me that women today make far too much fuss about being pg and that she just popped her 4 children out like peas without pain relief. I have to bite my tongue and smile sweetly. I wish she would tell me to take things easy - there's nothing I'd like more - but she makesme fel really guilty if I do nothing, so I take it easy when she's out and save running around until she comes back.

Sorry, that what a moaning minie I sound like.  I am very grateful to her for putting me up for so long, but it is so hard to adapt to living to someone else's rules when I'm used to my own way of doing things and to having my own space.

Polly - hope you had a nice snooze.

Emma, xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Oh yes, lovely snooze, about 30 minzzzzzzzzzz!

I do understand about the difficulties of living with someone else's rules, habits, way of doing things. I imagine that you and dh are staying there over Christmas? How much time can he take off to spend with you? If he is off for a good bit, that will make it easier. I suspect that she is right about the liver and soft cheese (although I would never eat liver if my life depended on it  ), but it is the tiny percentage where it makes a difference where it really does matter. 

I didn't know about coffee - why is that? Left to my own devices, I wonder if it is to do with the increase in ADD/AHD that children seem to suffer from so much these days? On the other hand, I think a good night's sleep and knowing who was in charge would cure a lot of that!  

Well, better get on....

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Guys

Had a bit of a busy one at the office today. World and his wife wanting me for something! 

I am still absolutely pooped. It's only Monday and we have a whole week of Xmas social events to get through. Maybe I can catch some zz's at my desk this week? Not sure exactly when I'm meant to be seeing DH this week either. Might manage to sneak a cuddle before I collpase in a heap in bed! 

Emma - Day watching DVD's as you know is my idea of heaven. My MIL was a Madwife about 30 years ago and she says exactly the same things as yours. "don't know what all the fuss is about" and my fave "in my day"

She's actually in my bad books at the moment. Seems she's taken to stopping friends of mine if she bumps into them and telling them:
A) - how much she loathes one of the names we like
B) - that I'll never be able to keep the sex of the baby to myself
C) - that if I think she's giving up work to look after it I'm seriously mistaken
D) - the one that actually does upset me - that she's not that excited about her 1st Grandchild as she's worked with kids for 30 years.

I cried all the way home on Friday evening after my friend told me she had said that to her. Is she completely insane in thinking this would not get back to me 
I don't understand it because as far as MIL's go I thought I had one of the best. She's really lovely...usually!

Polly - I wouldn't eat liver for the crown jewels either, although I don't mind liver pate...hmmmm
So is there a chance you might have caught ovulation at the right time this month!?! Maybe you'll get your own miracle on Xmas Day!


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Annie - that's awful about your MIL. Particularly that it's not expected! Csn you wrong foot her by saying that you've heard that she doesn't like one of the names and which one is it? (You don't have to let on that you know which one). Then maybe sweetly say that you've also heard that she is "thinking/worried about" giving up work to look after the baby, and that you need to put her mind at rest that you wouldn't dream of it. And would she rather that you told her the sex of the baby when/if you know? Maybe she will feel a bit embarrassed at being caught out, or maybe she knew that it would get back to you, and it's her way of raising the issues with you? (why?)

As for getting a Xmas day miracle, to be honest, I don't feel that it is remotely possible. I think more about how I will live/exist/survive as a childless person than anything else just now - and it seems a bleak future. I don't even think that IUI is going to help, or even IVF/ICSI. I just don't think that it is something that I am allowed to have. We will go through the IUIs that we have planned, but there is a large part of me that says just do it to get it over with so that you can start coming to terms with the situation. 

Ooops.  

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

OMG Polly   Please don't think like that. I can quite understand that after disappointment on the first two goes it's making you feel like it might never happen, but it will. Those Dr's need to have a decent play around with the level of meds you're taking. You've not even had a go on injectables yet. Your body is responding really well on the clomid alone and look how fab DH's wigglies were last time. Give the IUI's another chance and don't write off IVF yet either. There's nothing wrong with you or DH so there's no reason why this won't happen. Keep going hun, you can do this.

You will win!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Polly - don't give up yet. There is still every chance that it could work out for you and dh. I agree with everything Annie has said, so won't repeat it all.  

Re: coffee. It greatly reduces the chances of conceiving and greatly increases the chances of miscarrying in the first 12 weeks. After that stage it is linked to birth defects. I don't know about ADD. You're allowed a max of 3 small cups a day. I have one to get me going in the morning but after that only have one decaff coffee and caffeine-free tea.
There are so many things one is told not to eat or drink. I've memorised the list but not the reasons. I'm sure that I am being over-cautious but after taking so long to get here I don't want to take any risks. 
I hate liver (and all offal) too, so that restriction is no great hardship. What I really miss is brie, smoked salmon and, of course, wine.

Annie - I don't understand why your MIL would say such things? Can dh have a quiet word with her? In terms of her saying that she's not excited, did she perhaps mean something else and it just came out badly? My MIL says that although she is looking forward to having a new grandchild (her 4th) that they aren't very interesting when they're babies as all they're interested in is their mother. Perhaps she meant something like that. 
Mine is p****d off with us because we've said we'll go on holiday with her next year, mainly as a thank you for putting me up, and she wants to go in June, whereas we want to go in September. When I said that I didn't want to go just after giving birth I was told that I was making a lot of fuss about nothing ('in my day we just got on with it' etc). Although I'm really hoping to avoid it, there's a chance I'll have to have Caesarean (I have a small pelvis, apparently), and the recovery time for that is 6 weeks, but that is all 'stuff and nonsense' apparently.
Sorry, I'll stop ranting.  

Claire, Donna - hope you are OK.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello all

Switzerland was lovely, we managed to cover Basel and Bern in one day and do both Christmas markets etc.  Flight going was fine as I'd had a large glass of wine and two double brandies first.  Coming back was awful and I'm ashamed to say I was a little tearful.  But I survived!

Hemel - hasn't affected me really, thanks for asking.  The wind was blowing the wrong way.  The explosion did wake me up though, I heard the bang and my house shook.  Freaky.  

Emma - an A6, wow.  I'm sure you'll get used to it.  When I first got my Golf which isn't particularly big but was much bigger than my previous car, I had terrible trouble parking it.  In fact, I reversed into another car in the third week.  But now (touch wood) it's fine.

Annie, I wonder if it's like chinese whispers with MIL?  Sometimes things come out wrong or get misread by the other person.  All the same, I think I'd subtely let her know I knew she'd said something so she has the chance to put it in her own words to you.

I'm still fed up.  I have been thinking about it and think I'm feeling claustrophobic with Bf around so much now.  Which is a bad sign, as surely I should welcome him into my home no holds barred?  I feel I have to make it work as he is being so understanding about the vag and I also badly want a baby and worry that I'll end up alone surrounded by cats wearing a purple felt hat otherwise.  I lived alone for coming up for 5 years so maybe that's the issue...

Donna, I think the questions you listed as concerns are not only natural but it would be a worry if you didn't have those concerns so it's a good thing?  I'm very impressed you are offering your love and home to a child who needs one and have everything crossed for you.

Polly, lucky you, Tenerife... I could do with some escapism!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone!

Claire - Really pleased to hear you had a fab time in Switzerland. It's sounds totally normal what you are feeling having bf around alot more. My friend was exactly the same, it just seems to take a bit of time to adjust. She had lived on her own for 6 or more years and when she asked her bf to move in she found it difficult at first and very claustrophobic. It did change though and they got married last year!

Emma - Stick to your guns with MIL. Don't allow her to bully you into doing anything you don't feel ready or willing to do. You, DH & Baby Daffodil come before upsetting her feelings or plans. And don't feel bad about it either!

Polly - Are you o.k?

Donna - Big squeeze to you. Are you alright today?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Hope you're right.  We're off to see Narnia at the cinema tonight so be good to spend some time together out of the house and without the stress of an airplane involved!!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Ooh Claire. I'm seeing Narnia on Saturday! You beat me to it this time  

Have a great time x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

SOOOOOOOO busy at work this week and next with the run up to xmas! I am shattered!

Still no AF     SIL thinks I should test but as we had no BMS or 'S' this month its pretty impossible! I am not usually a week late though! maybe stress I guess after how I have been feeling lately it bound to effect AF!

Off for a bath now and I'll try and come back later for a longer more in depth chat if not there is always tommorrow, and I am home in the afternoon yeah!

Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi girls

Donna - was your last af normal or early? 

Claire - I lived for a long time on my own, and really hated DH doing things his way to start with. Can you make some ground rules until you get a bit more used to it? It would be for the health and longevity of your relationship, not a back pedalling! Glad you enjoyed Switzerland!

Emma - you do need to do what is best for your family - is there a good reason why she wants to go in June, or does it just suit her better? Are you paying for her holiday? Are you going somewhere hot, in which case, it must be easier to deal with a slightly older baby (I have no idea, I'm just making this up  )

Annie - have you had a chance to talk to your MIL?

Thanks for rallying round about my feeling negative. I think that part of the problem is that I said at the beginning of this year that November would be the time to stop. But then I didn't know that I would have to go through surgery and the time delay that would cause. But none of that makes me any younger unfortunately, and if I got pg this month, I would be 45 when I gave birth. I don't have a problem with that as such, but more that I have to be realistic, and the older I get the less likely it is that I will get pg, and at some point I do need to stop. If I was younger I would know that I had more time, and could try one course of treatment, and then another. I am so furious with myself for not knowing that I couldn't get pg before, and with the docs for not mentioning it, and horrified at the idea that it might all be too late and/or we might be spending time doing the wrong thing. What is that elusive change that would make the difference?

Sorry for moaning.

Love
Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi,

Sorry only a quckie think I am going to row with DH!

Polly, so sorry you are feeling as you are and I wish I had a magic cure or even something usefull to say! I know how I feel and thats bad enough and I can empathis with you greatly hun as we all can. what you have been through is terrible and I hope it never happens to any other women. Have you thought anymore about logging a complaint?
Just a thought, would you consider a donner egg? 

Last AF was bang on time! with loads and loads of pain I felt lousey! only lasted about 1-2 days though but thought maybe as it was more painful mother nature had been kind and not made AF last that long
Had a little pink discharge when I went to the toilet eariler so sure AF will be here tommorro

Donnaxx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

I haven't been around much today. I had my hair cut this morning (2nd time in 2 weeks, but the last attempt was most unsatisfactory and needed rectifying) then out for lunch with MIL. Then this afternoon I felt horrible (temporary resurgence of morning sickness I think) so took myself to bed. I'm much better now though.

Polly - what you have experienced is terrible and such a waste of your fertile years, and I totally understand why you would be incredibly angry and frustrated, but you have to look forward. Time hasn't run out for you yet. I think you're doing everything you can to give yourself the best shot at a BFP, and there isn't some elusive change that would make a difference. Isn't it the case that even when conditions are perfect (your and dh in tip-top shape, sex or IUI on the right day, ovulation occuring etc) one would still only have a 25% chance of it working in any one month.
I should probably be quiet - I feel guilty for trying to say the right thing when I have somehow been so lucky to get pg.  

Claire - glad you enjoyed Switzerland and survived the flight OK. I really want to see Narnia, but it isn't coming to the cinema here.  I'll have to wait for the DVD. I can't really advise about living with someone after being used to bein your own. Dh and I got together at uni and have been together ever since. I know that I'd go mad it he was under my feet all the time though. We both love having time to ourselves and find it makes you appreciate the other one all the more (although I'd like to see a bit more of him than at the moment).

Polly, as ever you are right about MIL. I'll tryand answer your questions. We are planning on going to the south of France. I reckon the temperature will be a bit hot for a baby (and me) in summer. We were there a couple of years ago and it was just too hot for sightseeing most of the time. We're paying for it. She wants to go in June because she has other holidays and political conferences in Auguest and September. We'll let the dust settle for a few weeks before returning to the subject.

Donna - Christmas will soon be over, then you can rest. Do you get much time off from the little darlings?

Annie - how are things with MIL today. Have you talked to her? Does dh know your concerns?

Got to go to bed now, as it is way past my bedtime.
Sweet dreams everyone,
Emma


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Feeling a bit better today.  Annie, I thought Narnia was superb!!!  I was sorry when the film ended, it's very well made and funny in parts too.  Definitely something to fill in the gaps between Harry Potter!  

Polly, I don't really know what to advise, except to say that you have some time yet.  My dad was born when my grandmother was in her early 50s and he turned out just fine.  (He was a mistake, but we don't talk about that...........)  

Emma, I agree with the others, you have to do what is right for your baby.  I suspect it's a hard conversation to be having when she's letting you stay in her house though, how long will you be there?  You might feel in a more assertive position when you've moved into your new home (after Christmas, was it?).

Donna, any sign of af?  I'm mid way through af and have the worst headache imaginable.  I'm on anadin and I never take painkillers usually.

Had a talk with bf about feeling claustrophobic.  He was a bit taken aback but has agreed to back off and give me some space of my own.

Gotta run, meeting at 10am.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All

Claire - Glad you had a fab time at Narnia. A lady I work with went last night too and she also said it was amazing. I can't wait to go now!
I'm also really pleased that you had a chat with bf. Sooo the right thing to have done. If you are open and honest with these matters it's much better than bottling them up until it burts out in a non pleasant way!

Polly - I agree with everything Claire and Emma said. My Nan was 45 when she had my Dad - (also a little accident Claire that we don't speak of ). She was absolutely fine, as was my Daddy.

Donna - Hope you get a chance to have a bit of relaxing this afternoon!

Nope, haven't spoken to MIL. Decided to let it lie for now and see if anything else transpires. I wouldn't want to fall out with her over Xmas and I still find it hard to believe that she would say these things and mean it so nastily. She's a really lovely lady, so I'm hesitant to go in there all guns blazing. For her, I'd let it go.

As always though there's more problems in the land of Annie. One of my best friends has pretty much cut me off since finding out I'm finally pg. Of course, more than most, I understand how hard it might be to be around me right now...I can't lie though, I am a little bit upset  
I don't talk about it when I'm with her and I'm giving her lots of space without being too distant myself. Hopefully in time it'll be alright.


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

I am back to full health this morning. 

Polly - just remembered, after seeing Claire and Annie's posts, that my grandmother was 45 when she had my mother too.
How are you today?

Annie - is your friend someone who is struggling with ttc? I think it is best to leave these MILs alone and hope that things blow over. The last thing you want, at this time of year particularly, is to fall out. 

Donna - hope you can have a lovely relaxing afternoon off.

Claire - I'm glad your talk with bf went OK. Are you feeling a bit happier (and less headachey) now?

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Emma

Glad you're feeling better today.  

Yes am feeling a bit better about things, bf is going out tonight so I'll have my space for the evening - I think as you say that I will appreciate seeing him more when I see him less, if that makes sense.  

Headache is being held at bay by jumbo painkillers at the moment too, just hope it doesn't come back with a vengeance!  

Off to lunch with a friend, he's going to advise me on a trip to Tallinn which I'm planning for bf's birthday in March.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Again

Claire - Where's Tallinn? Sorry if that's mega ignorant, just don't think I've heard of it!

Emma - Friend in question would consider she's having problems ttc. We who have had obvious problems and have had them for years might feel differently. I would imagine alot of the IVF ladies might scoff at her and say "is that all". She's been ttc for 8 months. No obvious probs with her or her DH so far. I guess it's frustrating after a few months for anyone though. I'm sure way back when I got frustrated early on.... until it clicked I had vag


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Tallinn - it's in Estonia on the coast across the water from Helsinki.  Quite a popular short trip destination like much of the Baltics is now.  We're thinking of going for 4 days.

Claire


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Oooh how lovely Claire, I'm going to look it up!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Oooh Claire,

People I know who've been say Tallinn is lovely. Will you be flying there too?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

Yes unfortunately it will involve a flight and looks to be about 3 hours!

Claire x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Right I will try again, new internet provider aren't all they cracked up to be!

Hi everyone,

Polly how are you? I hope I/we haven't upset uou or been insensitive sorry if I have  

AF arrived this morning and has made me feel ill! was planning to leave work eary but then OFSTED arrived so lucky I didn't! ended up getting out late  We got through the inspection though  
they had had a complaint about us hitting the children - As if, but they have to investigate.

I feel kinda pleased that AF as arrived, obviously as it is a week late I did have hopes but now that it has arrived I am not beside myself and considering how late I am thats amazing! maybe I am moving on better than I thought  
Still no word from social worker but think I am being very very inpaient! but if I want something I want it now! cant stand waiting for anything - little madam aren't I.

Must get back to writing childrens reports have nearly completed 2 so not to bad but could be better!

take care

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Donna - what a shame you didn't get your afternoon off, but at least OFSTED went well. Do they turn up unannounced? I hope you aren't suffereing too much with af now. At least it will be over in time for Christmas.

Polly - in case I don't catch you again, have a lovely holiday. You certainly deserve it. How will we all survive without you?
Have you heard back yet about any of the jobs you applied for or the consultancy thing?

Annie - how are you? Are you managing to survive the endless round of Christmas festivities?

Claire - how's your headache? I've got one myself today (very unusual for me) so you have my deepest sympathy.

I'm off for a walk in the hope it'll make me feel a bit better. I didn't sleep very well last night - baby daffodil was wriggling around like you wouldn't believe. 

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Just a quick one, as we're off to our work Christmas do soon, starting with a big lunch  

Headache has almost gone, I'm pleased to say.  Feeling much better generally.  Bf is away tonight, he's taken his mum to Budapest for her birthday.  Am going to do some knitting, am knitting sacks for my mum and dads presents to go in this year (first knitting project ever, it's not going too badly but I'm abit behind schedule!).

Hope your headache has cleared, Emma.  Polly, have a great time in Tenerife!!!!!!!!!

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Claire hope you had (or are having) a lovely   lunch. I'm seriously thinking about having a go at this knitting lark. I want to make something for the baby, but not clothes (too complicated, it will be sick over them, amd it will need handwashing). 

My headache has gone, thank goodness.

No excitement here at all. I get the house to mysef tomorrow (MIL is going to stay with SIL) and then dh arrives in the evening. Can't wait.
Still no news about moving. I spoke to the removal people today who confirmed that our furniture etc was nowhere near the site of the oil depot fire. What a relief.

Hope everyone else is well.
Emma, xxxxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Oi you two! You've both sent your headache to me!

Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Sorry Polly.  Let's hope all that sunshine makes it go away for you.


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone

Sorry -decided to take a day off today. Am feeling so unbelievably tired. I know it's entirely my own fault. I shouldn't be rushing around like I used to. Must make more time for myself! Stupid thing is, even after taking the day off, I spent 5 hours out and about. Took my Mum Xmas shopping, met a friend for lunch, took parcels to the post office, cleaned the house, went shopping with DH. I am nuts I know. 

This is my first night home in nearly 2 weeks. Must learn to say NO! Is it any wonder the baby isn't making himself known yet. I'm not giving him a chance  

Polly - Sorry to hear you've got a headache. Have you been busy packing? When do you leave? And more importantly - when do you come back?

Emma - What have you got planned for your day of freedom tomorrow?  Any plans for your evening with DH? Really pleased to hear your furniture isn't smoke damaged! Take it the move won't be happening til at least mid Jan then?

Donna - Did anyone tell you how long it might take to hear from your Social Worker? Quite likely their offices are on minimum work if any this close to Crimbo - typical government workers!!!

Well, I shall hang around a while longer and then go treat myself to a nice long bubble bath!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hi Annie,

Slow down.  Anyway, I'm sure what you consider to be wind *is* the baby making himself known. 
Mine has just given me 2 big kicks. 

Tomorrow I'm going to go into town to M&S and buy lots of food that I really want to eat. MIL's cooking is very good but rather limited in range and there are lots of my favourite things that she doesn't eat at all. How can you not like cheese or tomatoes, I ask you. I think I'll be enjoying lots of pasta and pizza this weekend.  In the afternoon I'm going to have a DVD watching fest, secure in the knowledge that I won't be interrupted. Dh should arrive in the evening, but not until very late. I'm also going to play CDs as I potter around the house (MIL hates music) to my hearts content. I'm also thinking of making a Christmas cake, but a fairly light one (I don't think anyone excpet me is a fan of the real deal). Or maybe a chcoclate cake. Perhaps both. I must stop. I can feel myself turning into Homer Simpson.


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hello,

Feeling really rubbish today   thought I was passed all that   obviously not.
Really not looking forwad to xmas at all! and just feel generally down.

Beginning to doubt adoption, saw loads of pg people today and it really upset me, and with the talk on here of babies kicking (its ok don't feel bad or anything) just feel I'm missing out

Anyway didn't come on here for that, wanted to say I hope you have a lovely holiday and a welcomed break you and DH deserve it and I am sure it will give you plenty of time to reflect and make new plans. Have a great time, and MERRY CHRISTMAS! Have a good one xx   

Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi girls

headache turned into a rotten migraine, so had an hours kip, but still there. DO NEED A HOLIDAY! We have to get up at 3, and I have to pack yet. HAd a really busy day, not helped by the fact that I realised I didn't have enough clomid to take on holiday, so had to go all the way over to the clinic.

Anyway, I'm a quick packer, and a light one, and DH has already put out what he wants.

I'll be back on 30th, although from 31st to 5th got parents here, so won't have much chance to spend with you (father always nosy about what people do on computers!), but by then will be into scanning again and ready for another shot at babymaking.  

Have a Great     everyone, and speak to you then. 

Take care
Love and stuff

Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Donna - sorry you are feeling down again. I am sorry that I have been so insensitive and rabbited on about baby stuff.   
It is only natural to have doubts about adoption, particularly when you are waiting for other people to get back to you and feel that there is nothing you can do. Try and remember how you felt last week when you went to the adoption meeting. You were so excited about it all.

Hope everyone else is OK.

Emma, xxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All!!!


Donna - Apologies once more if mentioning baby has upset you. I was having a worrying moment yesterday, sorry  
And sorry to hear that you're feeling a bit low again. It's quite understandable that you would have doubts. I'm sure there'll be a few more days like that as you get going. The only thing I would mention is to remember that adopting doesn't mean you can't have your own one day aswell if you wanted to. If you & DH keep going with un protected S there's every chance it will happen.

Polly - Hope you got off alright this morning

Claire - Morning!

Emma - Have fun at M&S today getting all that lovely food in.


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Afternoon all,

Annie - yes, I bought my yummy food. I had a lovely bowl of pasta for lunch, and now I'm going to watch a DVD and eat chococlate cake. My kind of afternoon.  

Donna, Claire - hello. Hope you're both OK.

What exciting things are you al doing this weekend? I'm planning a lovely lazy weekend with dh (probably means he'll end up working ). MIL is now away until Sunday evening so it'll be nice to have some time to ourselves. 
Things are finally starting to happen with moving house. Our solicitor has all the relevant paperwork now so we can get the contracts drawn up and signed, hopefully. I doubt much will happen now though until after Christmas, so it looks like mid-Jan before we can move. 

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Well a usual Annie weekend for me:

Tonight - Work Xmas Do

Tomorrow - Home until 2:30 then taking friends little girl to a party for her. Drop her off and head to the cinema to watch Narnia. Fingers crossed I'll then be in for the night watching the X Factor Final

Sunday - Lunch at the Out Laws
            Santa's Grotto with Godson
            Church with DH, Mum & Nan. Out Laws are in the choir. Special Xmas Service!!!!

Have a good one everyone xxxxxxxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all

Just a quick post as very busy.

If I am honest the baby talk did upset me a little (sorry if I upset you by saying that) but it would upset me if you didn't talk about it! I truely want to know about everything you are going through and if possible be there and support you through it, that will be hard for me sometimes but thats mine to deal with and not yours. neither of you were insensitive and I really want to know so please don't feel like you cant talk on hear about it!
we can all say and talk about anything on here right? xx

Got inlaws over for dinner tonight as we are spending xmas with my parents, had a very upset tummy yesterday and was up most of night so hope I am ok tonight   just feel really drained and weak!

Busy busy busy, just washed childrens costumes for nativity and put them on the line, god knows what the neighbours think  
Have to start own washing in a min, tidy and clean house and go shopping!
Also have to finish childrens reporsts and start college work sometime this weekend.

Going to grandparents grave on sunday to tidy it up we haven't been for a while  

Hope you all have loevely weekends, Emma I hope DH doesn't do anywork you enjoy your time together. is DH off much over christmas?
Annie, don't over do it hun your make yourself ill  

Donna xx

missing polly already


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Donna - poor you. I hope you're feeling a bit better. Was it something you ate? It sounds like you've got a very busy day ahead - I hope you'll be OK. Are you cooking a Christmas meal?

Dh did make it back late last night. He doesn't know yet when he'll be working over Christmas. Unfortunately, as always seems to happen at this time of year, he is working for clients in a country where they don't celebrate Christmas so they'll expect him to be in the office. He'll certainly get the day itself and Boxing Day. I was hoping he'd get the whole week off.

Got to go and visit dh's grandmother now and run a few errands for her.

I hope your dinner goes well.

Emma, xxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi,

Hope you are all enjoying your weekend and having a nice sunday.

Dh and I just wrapped all our presesnts, still don't feel christmassy yet?

Saw brother and his girlfriend today, she was suffering poor thing I guess being 8 months pregnant isn't that fun. thing is it would be for me! My mum was making a fuss of her which is fair enough but I tried talking to her again about the adoption but she doesn't seem interested, she was the same with IUI never seemed that bothered. It makes me so angry and hurt!
So if I cant produce my own child does that mean I aint good enough for her! Its probably her fault I have issues with sex, as I have seen what sex can do to some one! (my mum as had numours affairs!)

Sorry just feel really upset, angry and fed up! I hate christmas!

Donna xx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Hope you had good weekends?  Annie, did you enjoy Narnia  I had meal at parents on Friday night, hairdressers Saturday for a cut and highlights ready for Christmas (it's gone a little bit more blonde than planned!), meal at a country pub (Hexton) on Saturday night with bf (we did the vibrator when we got back... went really well   ) then met an old university friend for lunch on Sunday to swap presents   .

Donna, hope you're feeling better and the dinner went ok?

Emma, hope DH gets some decent time off over Christmas!

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Claire - you're weekend sounds lovely. I'm so pleased to hear that your night with bf went well. Does that make you feel happier about everything?

Annie - how was your weekend? Are you exhausted now?

Donna - I'm sorry you had such an upsetting time at your mum's. Have you told her that her attitude is upsetting you? (Mind you, I could never say something like that to my own mother). Could dh have a word with her? I can't begin to guess why she is being like this with you. It might be good to talk to her about it, if you can, and clear the air once and for all. 
I'm wondering if she thinks you are older and wiser and can take care of yourself, whereas your brother (and his gf) are younger and weren't really prepared for all this and need  - to her mind - more encouragement. She may not have any idea how much you need her support right now. She may also (consciously or otherwise) be making a fuss of the gf because she's worried about what will happen after the birth. I can't remember if you said they were living together or were going to get married?  
It would be a shame if all this dragged on over Christmas.

I'm actually doing some work today  and hoping to get it all out of the way fready or Christmas. 
My new car should be arriving tomorrow. I'm very excited and more than a little nervous too; dh would be very upset if i crashed it before he'd even had a go at driving it. 

Hope you all have a lovely day,
Emma, xxxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Emma

I'm feeling a lot better about things, thanks.  Must have been having an off week  .  Haven't spent any time doing dilators thanks to being busy and then af but hoping to do some this evening if I get a chance (I'm having a meal at Bella Italia after work with a friend but hoping not to be too late home) as the week ahead is pretty packed and I'm getting out of the habit of doing it, which I don't want.  

But I did show bf the dilators on Saturday night which I'd said I'd never do as they're so clinical looking and ugly, and he measured #4 against himself (without me even having to ask!) and they're definitely about the same size  .  

He said that him being softer and less rigid (and obviously not plastic) should help make it easier to have sex than do the dilator  , what do you think?

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Claire - this need to measure onself against a dilator must be a man thing. My dh did the same. 

I reckon that the 'real thing' is both easier and harder (no pun intended) than dilator #4. On the one hand, it is easier to manoeuvre the dilator because if fits into the hand and you have complete control over it (important for a control freak like me). I found that the first time we tried with dh, after using the dilators, his body was in the way. You can't just wiggle a penis around because it is attached to a lot of man  Also, when you smear them with lube, those dilators are reasonably easy to insert, they sort of slide in on their own. Also I was very worried about hurting dh when I was experimenting with inserting him.  Mind you, he said I wouldn't hurt him and I shouldn't worry about that.

However, in many ways sex is easier. Crucially, you are likely to be aroused and excited (and don't even attempt it if you're not), and that makes things much easier and more enticing. If you are very wet 'down there' it really helps. Also being slightly softer does help. It doesn't matter if you can't get all of him inside, anyway. You might need to try different positions to see what is easier for you. At first I could only manage to get dh inside in the classic missionary position, but I think other people could only do it if they were on top. 

I don't know if that helps?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Emma

Thanks for that, it does help.  

Your post made me laugh, I have all sorts of visions in my head of trying to get it in at funny angles and bf being in weird positions/standing on his head/etc while I wiggle it about  !  He thinks me on top will be easier but I think I'd quite like to pass some responsibility to him to get it in as I might have a mental block.  Who knows, my control freak side may come out at the last minute!  Anyway, I'm hoping for an attempt at s in the next two months (and I think bf is too...) but there's no pressure from him to do that.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning Everyone!

Claire - I did enjoy Narnia! I thought I had forgotten the story, but it all came flooding back.
I think it's great that you and BF managed to both have some fun with the vibrator. BF's right aswell I reckon. Their tool is alot more pleasant than a plastic dilator - but only when you're ready and relaxed enough. My advice would be to try work on the foreplay side of things when you give sex a go. It's just that I remember when we gave it a go it was a bit like a task and we just went for it. I would then find it a bit painful and sometimes a no go! I had to learn to get myself excited enough first or build up to the big event. Does that make any sense? Hard to explain on here without sounding entirely crude!

Emma - How exciting that the new car is arriving! Wish my MG would hurry up and go. I've warned DH that if he doesn't sort it pretty soon I shall drive into the first garage I come across and change it myself!
What are you woeking on today? Checking the translation on a document again?

Donna - I think you need to try and encourage a proper chat with your Mum. Do you think you could create a chance to catch her on her own and ask her what she thinks to your decision? You might get a better understanding about what she really thinks about it and be able to bash it out with her.
I think some people of that generation find it hard to understand why a seemingly young healthy lady is A) - having problems ttc & B) - would look into treatment, adoption etc.
My Mum never got it. She said some really insensitive things such as "might as well go buy a dog the rate you're going" 
I know it's hard, but I'm sure she doesn't mean to upset you. You just need to give her a chance to understand.


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Annie - how was your weekend? You didn't say. Are you getting rid of the MG? Don't you love that car? Are you getting something sensible/boring instead? Did you ever sort out the insurance claim from dh's accident?

Claire - it was a bit like that  Don't rush things and don't worry if it don't go perfectly first time. I think we had a few disastrous attempts (couldn't get it in at all - very frustrating), then a few where we got it in but it hurt and wasn't much fun, and then we were finally able to actually enjoy it. Mind you, things might all go swimmingly first time for you.

Yes, I am editing a document today. That's why I'm getting distracted and coming on here every 5 minutes.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

I do actually feel quite excited about the possibility of s now, which is new...  Anyway, as you say, no rush, we'll see how it goes and I certainly don't expect it to go well first time!

Annie, I'm glad you enjoyed Narnia!  

Emma, good luck with the document.

I'm off to a cardmaking class one-off that's being held over lunch today now.    Hoping to make a nice Christmas card for my parents.

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Wow Claire, that sounds so creative. What a nice firm you must work for.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

I do work for a nice organisation, sometimes I forget how lucky I am!  Anyway, I've made a lovely card with a snowman on it, hope my parents like it!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Crikey Claire - I thought my company was ace, but that totally tops anything we've done!
I'm getting excited that you're feeling excited about giving S a go. Such progress!

Sorry Emma - My weekend was good thanks. Friday night was my works Xmas Do and that was really good. Went a bit mad on the dance floor though and had an achie belly that night! 

Stayed in my PJ's until lunchtime on Saturday then took my friends little girl to a party for her. Left there and headed to the cinema. Once Narnia was done I got home just in time to see the X Factor results show. I voted for Journey South by the way!

Yesterday was another pyjama morning followed by lunch at the Out Laws. Then took our Godson to see Father Christmas which was lovely. Then in the evening we went to church for the annual christmas service. The choir (which the out laws are in) sang all my fave carols and sounded amazing as always!

6 more sleeps til Santa - can't wait!!!!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Annie - you sound so excited about Christmas. It is infectious.  I wasn't feeling terribly Christmassy before (not anti-Christmas, just ambilavent) but now I am. MIL has put lots of presents under the tree and cards have been coming in thick and fast (for her, not me), and it all feels a bit more festive now. 

Claire - I'm sure your parents will _love_ their card.It will be like you are back at primary school. 

Donna - how are you feeling today? Any thoughts on how to handle your mother?
Have you had the nativity play yet?

I've just eaten far too much of a yummy beef casserole. I'm off to slob out in front of the TV now.
Take care people,
Emma, xxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Emma, it is like being at primary school, I'm hoping they'll put my card on the fridge!  

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it...). My car should be here within the hour.

Claire - I love your reindeer. How did you do it?

Annie, Donna  - how are you today?

I'll be back later, and hopefully the car (and me) will still be in one piece. I have an appointment with the midwife later today too - just routine to check all is well (particularly my blood pressure).

Bye for now,
Emma,


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

hello girls!!!!

It´s p'ing down with rain here - only had one day of sunshine - typical Polly holiday! But today is the first day it has rained, so we haev taken advantage of the cooler weather (they say it won´t last) to go for lots of long walks along the coast, read book and generally slob about. 

Had to find an internet cafe today to apply for a job, so just had a furtive look through the posts. 

That´s all for now, take care all, and have a good Christmas!

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone!

Been to the most boring conference this morning and the lunch buffet was no compensation. Lunch for me today is a bag of prawn cocktail crisps and a kit kat!

Emma - Has it arrived!!!!!  Hope all goes well with the Madwife today - let us know

Polly - Great to hear from you. Shame about the weather but doesn't sound like it's ruining your hol

Claire, Donna - Afternoon to you both

5 SLEEPS TIL SANTA!!!!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

Emma, any sign of the car?? The reindeer I just got from the [more] section on the symbols bit (not a very technical explanation, sorry!)

Annie, afternoon to you too.

Claire


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Polly - it is lovely to hear from you.You may not see this but I hope you and dh have a lovely Christmas.    

Claire - as you can see I just found the reindeer. I never spotted that one before. 

Annie - you need to eat more than that.  I hope you've made up for it since

Donna - how are you? Will you get your afternoon off tomorrow?

Well, the new car came and it is fabulous. I love it.  It seems _very_ wide  but hopefully I'll get used to that. I haven't dared try and park it between other cars yet - I went to the supermarket and parked at the end where nobody really goes. I'm going to go for a long drive tomorrow over to Hay-on-Wye (twee town with lots of bookshops).

My appointment with the midwife went well. My blood pressure was a lot lower and back in the 'nothing to worry about' range. It must have been high last time because of moving. I got to hear the heartbeat, which is always reassuring. She even complimented me on my stomach muscles.

All in all a most successful day. 

Bye for now,
Emma, xxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All!!

4 SLEEPS TIL SANTA!!!

Well, little bit of a panic last night. MIL called me last night to say she has shingles!!!! Wasn't too concerned as I know that both DH & I had it as children aswell as chickenpox, but we weren't sure if you can catch it again. Called the Madwife's office this morning and they didn't seem to think I had anything to worry about, but told me to keep away from MIL for as long as possible! That gives me until Christmas Day! Her GP told her she's alright to have contact with people from Friday, so two extra days for good measure.

I've snuck my IPod into work today and have strategically placed the wires down my back and under my hair to conceal it's presence. Soooo lovely to have some music to listen to whilst plodding through my cases. just have to remember not to sing along and pray I don't get caught!


Emma - So pleased the car arrived and you're having fun with it. Have fun driving out to Hay On Wye today! 
It must have been so nice to hear baby's heartbeat yesterday. 8 days til I see the Madwife again and I'm willing the days to fly by 

Claire, Donna - Good Morning to you both! How are you?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello

Emma, hope your drive goes well today.

Annie, very inventive re the iPod.  I'd probably get caught though!!

Had a low last night  .  Decided to do dilators as was worried there'd been quite a break from last time due to Christmas dos and af.  Did #3 and it went quite well, but #4 still hurts alot.  I did get it most of the way in (furthest to date) but despite trying to tighten then relax muscles no joy.  Gave up after a few mins.  I don't remember #3 taking this long to get used to.  Is #4 harder because it's penis size yet I'm not 'excited' (and apart from the obvious reason that it's bigger than #3)?  Would anyone without vag find it hurt if they did this without being excited, do you think?  

Bf wants to talk to me about all this tonight when we get home as he knows I'm a bit upset about it.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

aaah Claire, don't be so hard on yourself. Number 4 probably will be uncomfortable for a while until you have had some really good goes with it. Keep going with it, little and often and before long you'll be getting on much better with it.

It took me ages to make progress with the speculum, tampons and the vibrator. I just had a go as and when I could and would gently nudge them in an extra milimetre each time. If I was feeling brave and relaxed enough I'd go for a bit more. You know your own limits and don't feel bad because it's not gone in all the way and pain free at what is still one of your firsts go with it. It will happen Claire,just keep going with it.

Did you try re positioning it? Just thinking back I sometimes found it a bit painful when I got the angle slightly wrong. If I took it out and tried again slightly differently that often helped. Are you tilting you hips upwards too? That was a good tip I got. Pop a pillow under your bum to help there. 

You're doing brilliantly. Just look at how far you've come in just a few months. give yourself a pat on the back!!!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Yes, you're right, I should look at the positives and how well I've done. I remember only about a month ago I thought #4 was a no way area, and now I can at least get it in etc. I did try repositioning it as that did help a few times with #3 and has helped with tampons, but it didn't get any better. However, I will do as you suggest and persevere little and often with a pillow and see if that improves things.

Perhaps a little low because a friend of mine has announced that she is pg with her 2nd child and I'm very envious of her growing family. I also have a spot the size of Vesuvius on my chin. 

I've booked Friday off as our boss has emailed to say that the team meeting at 2pm on Friday will be going ahead.  No way! Will be able to make a bumper batch of mince pies to take to my parents for Christmas Day.

Polly, *Happy Christmas  * if you log on again from Tenerife.   

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Claire - don't be too hard on yourself. #4 is just horrible. I bet a non-vag person would actually find it horrible too. The body isn't really designed to have things of that size inserted in it without an element of excitement, I reckon. Think of all those Victorian ladies who were told to 'lie back and think of England'. 
Have you tried waggling it slightly from side to side, whilst gently trying to push in further? That might help.  Are you using lots of lube? Annie's pillow tip is a good one too.

Annie - I admire your cunning plan but how on earth can you manage to listen to your iPod and not dance along to the music.  

I had a lovely time driving around the countryside this morning, singing away to myself as I did so. I didn't buy any books, but managed to get a few last minute presents for MIL. I found a fabulous shop selling the most beautiful baby stuff and was very tempted, but i think that might be tempting fate. I can always go back nearer the time.

I hope you are all well. Donna - are you OK?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Positive attitude is returning    

Emma, glad the drive went well, you'll be used to the car in no time and parallel and reverse parking with ease!

Annie, hope you didn't get caught with your ipod  .

Donna, hi if you're out there.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Didn't get caught, but did chicken out when the Big Boss walked in the door! Still, the 2 hours I did have were much better than nothing.

Emma - Glad you had fun driving around today!

Claire -  Keep going with those positive thoughts. I used to find getting mad with these things quite helpful . A sort of " you are not getting the best of me" type thing. I'd say that a few times, grab the instrument of the day and stride up the stairs and give it another go!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

I hope you are all well today. Annie - are you getting *very* over-excited about Christmas now? 

Do you all have lots of time off work during the festive period?

I have a thrilling morning ahead running errands for dh's grandmother (I guess she is GIL). It will involve Sainsburys and a garden centre, at the very least. The excitement...

Bye for now,
Emmma, xxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning!

Emma - I am so over excited that I am having trouble sitting still and even breathing at times! 1 more sleep til last day of work. 2 more sleeps til I see my Brother & 3 more sleep til Santa!
You are crazy to even contemplate going near Sainsbury's today. Make sure you don't get crushed in the crowds!!!
P.S - Congrats on reaching the half way stage!

Claire - Seasons Greetings to you. How are you this fine day?

Donna - Are you alright?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello

I'm really excited too.  I've got tomorrow off and not back to work until 3rd Jan so lots of festive fun for me!    (will try to log on here from home when I can)  I can't wait to see my parents faces when they realise that I've knitted them Christmas sacks (my brother and I have had them for years and years and there presents are always on the floor!).

I agree with Annie, I'm not going near a Sainsburys again until at least the 27th!  In fact, realised I hadn't defrosted some chicken for tonight's dinner and rather than face the crowds at lunchtime have got my lovely dad to agree to defrost some of his for me  .

Bf was nice about the dilators last night.  We've agreed that we will have lots of foreplay (!) (and wine) and will then experiment with trying to put him in me, if I feel ready to.  If I don't feel ready then we won't.  Thanks for the comment on the Victorian women Emma, and the 'get angry with it' idea Annie (made me laugh out loud when you said grab the instrument of the day!) they helped alot.  I need to view it as a more humourous and erotic event rather than a chore I think.  

Come on home time...

Claire x


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Leaving work in less than an hour so thought I'd better wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year now incase I get deluged with a last minute emergency!

So, *Merry Christmas *  and *Happy New Year*!

Hope santa brings you everything you want!

  

 

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Merry Christmas Claire!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Claire, it may be too late but I wish you a very happy Christmas, and a fabulous new year.     

Annie - your excitement makes me laugh so much. It is just wonderful.  Please do make time for breathing though, it is quite important. 

You were both quite right about Sainsbury's. I went at 11am this morning, along with the rest of Herefordshire it seems. There were no spaces in the car park, so I went straight home again. I'm going to try again this evening, when they'll probably have run out of food but at least it will be quieter. MIL, on hearing my experience, has decided she can't face going tomorrow, so now I have to get all her shopping too. 

Donna - where are you?

Bye for now,
Emma,


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi All,

Sorry I have been away for a while, I have not been coping at all well this week. been having al sorts of thoughts and feelings and been quite scared about how I have been feeling. Luckily psychologists got in touch and I have replied to her letter so will have to wait for an appointment now, hope its not to long as I really need it!

Decided I am going back on the pill to! I have to get it into my head that I cant have children, I know I may be able to in the future but its messing wiht my head to much!
Still haven't heard from social worker but hopinh we will ehar in new year!

Nativity was on wednesday I was so proud of the children I nearly cried!
Finished work yesterday till the 3rd, looking after 11 week old freya today and a few days next week.

Sorry I have been distant but I have been in no state to talk to believe me.

Hope you are all well

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Donna - I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such a tough time of it this week. You can always come on here and vent your feelings, if it would help. Perhaps the break from work will help? What are you doing for Christmas? Did you sort things out with your mother? I hope you feel a bit better soon, petal. 

Annie - I can't even begin to imagine how excited you are today. 

I may be back beforehand, but if not I'd like to wish you all a very Happy Christmas. I hope Santa brings you many delights.  

I'm off to make some mince pies and a chocolate cake now.

Emma, xxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Merry Christamas Everyone xxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

couldn´t resist coming back on - wanted to check out any replies to job ads, and it looks as though I have a phone interview at least when I get back  .

Donna, forget about everything and just have a few days off worrying, and have a good Christmas.

Same to the rest of you, Emma, Annie, Claire - I hope that you have a really great Christmas, and that Santa brings you everything that you want (although he´d have his work cut out with you and I, Donna!).

You´ll be pleased to know that the sun is shining and it´s really warm, so DH and I are planning a slobby day on our terrace, reading (and in his case, snoring!). Pool is a bit crowded out with yelling kids, so avoiding that. 

Anyway, take care everyone, and have a really good week, and be VERY self-indulgent!

Love
Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hello all,

Polly great to hear from you, hope you had a nice christmas?

How was everybody elses?

I am hoping this was my last xmas without children (I say that every year) but hopefully adoption process will get moving!

I have tried my hardest to get through xmas, and all in all it hasn't been that bad - been hard at times though!

Hoping psychologist appointment wont be long either.

Love to all

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello people,

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Donna - I'm glad you got through it OK.  

Mine has been OK, but I'm going a bit stir crazy now. I really miss being in my own home and being able to do what I want and when I want. MIL has been watching non-stop sport on TV in the overheated sitting room, whilst BIL has been playing computer games loudly in the dining room, and there is nowhere for me and dh to go, apart from skulking in the bedroom, which looks really anti-social and gets a bit claustrophobic.  

Got to go, they are all starting to hover around. 

Emma, xxxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

We did it!!!   Last night we had (sort of) s!  And it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  Wasn’t very successful having said that, I think we’re some way off becoming porn stars  , but it was in almost all the way and apart from initial pain it was ok, almost nice at times – which is more than I expected at this stage.  We were just going to try putting it in but as that went well (and we'd had a bottle of champagne and a few beers) we thought a bit of movement wouldn't go amiss and that was that!  Bf didn't come because I didn't feel ready to move properly incase all the progress was undone (I was on top) but all in all I'm counting it as a success.

I hope you’re all having good Christmases.  

Claire x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Well Done Claire   that really is fantastic progress in a few short months! well done xx

Home from parents now, we have just taken down tree as cats had recked it in our absence! then it kinda got out of hand - we hoovered once we had taken tree down as it had made a mess, so I thought I would hoover whole house, and seeing as I have hoovered may as well wash the floors to   1 less thing to do tommorrrow I guess which is good as I'll have freya again.

Think I will have a nice hot bath and relax for teh rest of the day now!

we are going to decorate in teh new year (I know I know you have heard it all before but we really will this time!) thing is I want new sofas, we don't need them I just don't like the once we have anymore there only about 4 years old and really cant afford new ones so guess I'll make do!

Hope you are all well

Donna xx


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## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

New home this way http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,44753.new.html#new


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