# I just don't know what to do..........



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi all,

I recieved a letter yesterday. Sorry if i shouldn't post here. The letter was from my clinic st barts. Saying that my storage time for my 5 embryo's is coming to an end. I have been told it wouldn't be in my best interests to try anymore treatment, long story but very poorly last two treatments.

My husband and i are in the middle of trying to accept living child free. But this has been a bolt out of the blue. They have enclosed a form to complete to allow our 5 souls on ice to perish..........  

I am so heartbroken what do i do??

   

Please can someone help me......


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Oh sweetheart       Yes you should post in here, it's what we're here for    

You've been having such a tough time recently. I've not been in this situation so have no words of wisdom but I know what i am like and I would bury my head in the sand and ignore it - probably not the most sensible suggestion but i'm all about self preservation and i would much rather ignore it and if any more letters came through shred or burn them!!

On the flip side signing the form, whilst it will hurt like hell, may help in acting as another form of closure for you??

Whatever you do your priority first and foremost is you honey    

Amanda xx


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## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

forgive me if i don't make much sense. But it feels as if we have been trying to become parents for a life time. And now it really looks as though it will be final.I cannot begin to explain how i feel, and how this choice has affected me. I say a choice, but it isn't really a choice is it. 

When we started out on this dream, i was so full of hope. Our dreams of being parents together seemed possible.I knew of course it would be hard, lots of pitfalls and difficult times ahead to face. But together we faced it. Somehow we got each other through. But still we find ourselves without children. So i guess you could say we are right where we started. Not moved forward, not gained anything but heartache. We are still treading water i guess. And this will be the biggest part of the journey and the hardest choice to make. The one decision we have to make and live with for the rest of our days.

There isn't one single thing in the world that i would like more than to be the mother of my husbands child...........


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## Shell 2 (Oct 26, 2008)

dhiki
I really feel for you what a thing to be sent forms to fill just when on the last thread you were trying to be so positive.
I know how you feel we have just come to an end of our journey after 13 yrs my eggs are poor and have decided on a no to egg donation. It has been hard but as you said previously just have to take one day at a time. Perhaps a visit to a doctor or counsellor would help it definately helped me . Ihave taken a couple of wks of work given in and taken antidepresants not ideal i know but they are helping me get through each day.......... it is okay to have a bit of you time and try and get your head clear. i hope i dont sound like i am teaching you to suck eggs but just want you to know it does get easier once you really have to face what life has dealt us.It truly is a grieving process and one you have to go through to get through to the other side. but heh you do have to look at the positives you sound like me that you have a good strong relationship and i honestly feel the road we have to go through makes
a relationship stronger and by the sounds of it you have a animal family !!!!!!!!!!  So please know it will get better  let me know how things are going and if i can help in any way let me know
xxxx
shell 2


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## Montagne (Nov 27, 2008)

Oh Dhikki

What a letter to receive when you are trying to move forwards, it must be such a hard thing for you, I'm so sorry. I have no words of wisdom as I really don't know what I would do in your situation. All you can do is that which feels right.......This is such a painful journey and it is important to be as kind as you possibly can to yourself.

Sending you many hugs

S
X


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hi Donna

Just wanted to say your post did make perfect sense  Although i've now come to terms with being childless I do still remember all my dark times, i don't think the memory of the pain will never fade. I just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you and you know we are all here for you   



Amanda xx


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## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Well my husband signed the form last night. I haven't yet, i just can't bring myself too. This is so wrong but i hate him for it! I'm not a stupid woman, i know we can't do anymore we don't have the money. I am not allowed to do anymore on health grounds etc. But i don't want to sign this stupid heartless form, once i sign it, it really is over. All chance will be lost and gone forever, forever is a long time. 

How can the last 6 years and all the pain, have come to this? Sign the form and in the bin with my 5 embryo's and for what


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## Shell 2 (Oct 26, 2008)

Dhiki

I just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you at this truly difficult time.
Have you thought about counselling  if it is too painfull to go to St.barts im sure your gp could suggest
somebody it really is a loss you are experiencing and i think it would help to talk to someone to help you grieve.  Here if you need a chat
sending you lots of hugs
Love
Shell 2


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