# Can't get to stage 1



## honeyblonde (Aug 9, 2007)

We live in London and have called 6 LA's and been told the same thing from them all - they're not going forward with any white british couples unless we are in a position to consider adopting a child/ sibling group older than 7, a child with different ethnicity to ourselves (although my LA are not even keen on this anyway) or a child with 'very very complex needs'.


I 100% understand and support the need for LA's to utilise their limited resources and that their priority absolutely must be to find permanant homes for the children they currently have in care, but forgive me for thinking there will (sadly) always be white children under 6 needing forever homes so why can't we have a chance to be their mummy and daddy? 


I have a feeling this is as much to do with the LA's response to the recent government changes in regard to the time scales that SW's have to adhere to now - its just been cut from 9 months to 6 from initial interview to panel according to the LA's that I've spoken to - which I thought was going to be a good thing for us (hah!) but now I think this is the reason for this new blanket policy.


Im just so frustrated - do we give up? Do we hold out that things will change? 


Anyone else in a similar boat?


Honey X


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## swallowtail (Dec 8, 2009)

Hiya,
Totally understand your frustration   
We live in London and got told the same so going with a VA instead. We did say 0-2 yrs but now have said 0-3 yrs as the VA said 0-2 was a bit of a narrow range.
We will be on a national register straight away and ours has special links with some LAs, and we have been told they have lots of younger children coming through at the moment - so I don't think we are expecting 'harder to place children' as some people say about VAs. 
Are you able to call an LA just outside of London e.g. Hampshire or something like that?
xx


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## honeyblonde (Aug 9, 2007)

Hi Swallowtail,


Thank you so much for your reply. We actually said we would like up to two children age under 6 and were still shown the door (albeit politely)


I have spoken to one VA and had kind of ruled it out but after what you've said I think it's definitely worth trying a few more of them. 


Thanks again xxx


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## swallowtail (Dec 8, 2009)

I wish you luck in whatever you decide    xx


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi

I am not in London I am in NW England, I am halfway through my home study and have just completed my matching criteria.  I have always said that I wanted a child under 3 years and wanted one without any mega issues or as I like to put it as straightforward a child as is know to date.  I was told today that even if I was approved today there was not one single child of either sex under 5 that was straightforward and therefore would not meet my criteria!!  What a shock that was I was always lead to believe there were loads of kids waiting for homes and not enough adopters!  When I pointed this out to my sw her answer was that unfortunately when they say this, they mean loads if kids with issues but they dont say that bit.

My advice is to shop about and if you have to go to another county then do so, dont compromise your wishes, this child is for life and when the social workers are long gone you are the one left looking after the child so if you dont want an child with issues then dont accept one.  

Best wishes


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

I'm in the North and nearly finished home study. I have already been shown the details of 2 children, both aged 3 and with no major issues, unfortunately we missed out on them due to a delay in our homestudy and our panel being put back. The majority of children my la have are 3 and 4.


Our la are finding it hard to find homes as they have so many children to place and do have to use the national register. They have told us that in the past children on the national register tended to be the more difficult to place but that this isin't the case anymore. They have said that sometimes they go to the local consortium with say a 4 yer old child and there is not one approved adopter available who wants a child that age.

Just to add sibling groups are very hard to place, out of 9 couples on my prep group only 2 wanted a sibling group and the la have a lot more sibling groups than single children.

funnychic: I don't think my la currently have any children on their books that match my criteria but they have children coming through all the time. I think they like people to be open to children with issues and we have ticked a lot of maybes on the matching proforma. Also it depends what they mean by issues as all adopted children have experienced trauma and will have problems forming attachment etc. Your sw might just be worried that you are expecting a perfect child.

Its amazing what different experiences everyone has.


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

I would try Surrey, Windsor etc depending on what side of London you are in, it's pretty ridiculous really seeing as a lot of people adopt from different boroughs that they do the home study with! Be prepared to be flexible to travel a bit yourself and that may help, we went with an LA 50 minutes drive away as our local ones also said same as you, we ended up adopting an 11 month old boy. Our LA always wondered what the other LA's did with all their little ones! Call round and see what they say, good luck! I think it is so ridiculous and puts people off adopting!


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## honeyblonde (Aug 9, 2007)

Thanks for all the replies and the encouragement to keep going, its just what I needed. Just for the sake of the thread and for others reading, I have actually already approached Surrey and told the same thing, but I will endeavour to look further afield too and try the VA option.


Good luck everyone xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

we were told a similar thing when we applied (to one of the LA's mentioned) only children in the older age range..over 4 and lots of sibling groups or complex needs. I afraid to say we werent totally honest to get a foor through the door..i didnt really have any intention of  having older children (maybe a sibling group where one was older) and  i knew they had younger children..so i said we would be prepared to discuss older children, and possibly special needs as i had experience in that area..so we managed to get in on a bit of a fib really  
I think they do try to put you off initially..and i think many people walk away at that first hurdle unfortunately   such a shame..by the time you are approved in a year or so they have no idea what children they will have on their books anyway  

dont give up
kj x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Exactly KJ!

I can't believe LA's have 'no' babies or young toddlers on their books   . We are now post 'baby P' and SS are taking children into care earlier and the stats show that there are more children available.  There are young ones about.  Every couple who went forward from our prep course adopted a child under two (this is despite us all being told on our prep course that there were very very few littlies about!   ).

Like KJ said, the key is being 'open' to discussing a variety of children   

X


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Have you thought about concurrency? One of the organisations that does this is Coram Family which is in London.

If you would be open to children of a different race, why not say this up front as well?


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Our LA were only taking people who wanted siblings when I phoned a lifetime ago, they had closed their books to people wanting under 5s for 3 years previous and then only opened it for a month as long as you would consider siblings.  A year after that call we were approved for 1 or 2 children 0-4 years still wanting siblings but willing to consider single children......there were no sibling groups within our LA within our age range and we were matched with a DS who came home at 27 months.
There is a lot of process to go through before you can realistically say what your matching criteria would be so if you need to say you'd be interested in siblings to get a foot in the door do it.  People change their minds at all stages of the process and you can say no to children (not nice but likely to happen) if you don't feel they are right for you or you for them.  The process is meant to work out what would be best for your family and support network.
After 3 months you can go out of county and search for a child yourself.  For our 2nd we wanted a girl 0-18 months and knew we would have a longer wait.  We ended up 200 miles away and had a DD placed at 14 months with no issues, the placing LA had no adopters approved at the time and placed a lot of children out of county.
Good luck
OT x


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## Greyhounds (Jan 21, 2008)

Honey, I'll be watching this thread with interest. I am a year behind you in terms of making the calls as just recovering from a mc but have done a lot of reading around London Boroughs and agree that they are trying to put off white adopters at the moment. Their resources are so finite and they have so many non white children on the books that they are primarily interested in preping nonwhite adopters. I don't work in SS but know that this is the case in my employing LA. I feel we are in the best city in the UK for fertility treatment but when it gets to adoption living in London and being white seems to work against us.

Don't give up and best of luck, keep us posted.


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## honeyblonde (Aug 9, 2007)

Thanks again everyone, Im not going to be deterred! Yesterday I felt like our options were really drying up but after all your lovely posts I can see its a different scene outside London, so thats where Im heading! 



Gillydaffodil - sorry to hear about your recent loss, good luck with your next steps    xxx


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## fiona in welwyn gc (Dec 5, 2008)

Hi,

By the way, just heard from a friend who says Bromley are crying out for white couples.

Fee
Xx


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## honeyblonde (Aug 9, 2007)

Thanks Fee! Incredible how different each LA's needs can be X


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