# How do you sort dates with your donor?



## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

Hi all

As you all know Ive been on the KD route for about 7 months..  A bit of a snapshot :

3 months prior to starting with KD was tracking my ov dates and was always day 12 and a regular cycle, since we have started on the rollercoaster I have been anywhere from day 12 - 17 which obviously makes it hard.  1st attempt was the day after I got a smiley face, next two attempts I ovulated 5 days later than when we inseminated, 4th attempt spot on timing as am using the clearblue fertility monitor and got preg (unfortunately mc'd).. 

So a couple of weeks ago we tee up our donor saying it will be mid feb and is he avail, he says yes definitely so then we get in contact Monday just gone and low and behold he is only free sunday / monday as now he is away next week and has asked we give him more notice..  Given my cycle is so erratic I feel like Im literally guessing a month in advance when Im going to ovulate.

How does everyone else do it or do you have a regular cycle so dont have to worry?

Now that we have booked him in for Sunday / Monday and it being my first cycle after the mc I am on day 12 and still showing as low (normally I would have hit high a couple of days ago) so Im fearing that this attempt is going to be another waste of time and money (hotels) but DW wants to press on in any case and hope that possibly it is because we didnt do a hard reset after the mc on the monitor (im also peeing on the clearblue OPKs)..

Anyhoo any other stories on how you guys manage it would be great as it is so hard not to get annoyed and feel let down but then I feel for him too not having exact dates..

xxxxxx


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## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi Strawbs,


This is the same problem we face month on month! Ours is also compounded by the fact that our donor can't do weekends and we work nearly set shifts, so we can usually only insem on mon/ wed and fridays! I am lucky in that my cycles are usually very regular and I either peak on days 11 or 12. We usually try and insem on the 'high' before the 'peak' and on the first 'peak' as this is the days we insemmed on when I got pregnant with Alex. If we can only do one day we try and aim for the firts 'peak' day.


What days of your cycle would sun and mon be? I reckon you should go ahead as you never know!


It is so hard to pin point the dates but what I tend to do is tell the donor when the likely dates for the next month will be and then when my period arrives we organise to meet him on days 10+11 or 11+12 depending on which days these fall on. If it falls on a weekend we have to miss a month. It is such a pain as I'm usually found trying to frantically re-arrange shifts, childcare and book hotels with ten days notice!


How do we ever conceive with all this stress??


Good luck!!


Rach x


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## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

God and I thought mine was complicated! That is even worse having to miss if it is a weekend..


I will be day 14/15 on Sunday / Monday so in theory I should be OK but my clearblue fert monitor is still showing low, although i did just speak to the cbfm heelpline and they said I should have done a hard reset (I tried about 8 times but truly it just wouldnt reset so we pressed on).. 

Im using the clearblue OPKs also this month just to make sure and Im defo starting to get signs that it is coming but it is so wierd that I was like you and dead on each month for 3 months then bam as soon as we started it all went haywire!  

We were at the point this month of thinking of finding someone else but that is no easy task so have decided to stick it out.. I think the impatience thing comes in to it also as it is just such a wasted opportunity when another month passes and the timing wasnt right.. In a way I wish we knew someone like a friend and they would flex with us but its not really an option that we wanted to take (and dont know anyone anyway hahaha)..  I often joke that I wish we had a husband locked in the spare room and I could just let him out when I needed to hahahaha but at the moment I wish it was true!! hehe..

After my mc, I ovulated day 19 but Im guessing that I dont count my mc as day 1 of my previous cycle? Its such a mine field dont you think?

x

totally agree with you re the stress levels man alive I have no idea how anyone gets and stays pregnant dealing with all of it..


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## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

I know what you mean, it's so so frustrating when we have to miss a month.... I am so grumpy when I'm ovulating as it definitely feels like a missed opportunity.


My monitor went a bit haywire this month too as I didn't use it last month and it though my last cycle was 52 days! I wondered if that's why I didn't peak till a day late this month. I think I might give up using mine after I've used this lot of sticks as I know my body so well after trying for so long that I know exactly when the right days to try are....ITS JUST NOT BLOODY HAPPENING!!!!!


good luck strawbs xxx


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## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

You could always use the OPKs instead but I guess its the same as buying the sticks for the monitor isnt it.. I posted up some links to some sites with cheap clearblue stuff on there so that may help, I spend a bl00dy fortune on sticks and digital preg tests etc..  clearblue all the way for me - I think Ive put the CEO's kid through uni! hahaha..

good luck too hon, Im hoping we get there and soon! x


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## Valhalla (May 25, 2006)

If you are a serious donor you have to be available when the girl is ovulating, not one that is only available for weekdays. And you need to be available the same day she tests positive. Otherwise you are wasting her time and yours. And this is without looking at the cost implications of hotels and travelling expenses.....


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## BobbyS (Sep 23, 2010)

I know what you mean ladies, our kd is only a Monday - Friday donor as he has a family and we need to book at least 2-3 weeks in advance as he gets booked up. We then book the time off work, hotel and train fares (in advance to get the cheaper prices otherwise the prices are ridiculous) and then even if I know I'm not peak fertility from using the monitor we still have to go and take the risk because we can't change the arrangements (or cancel without losing our money and wasting another month). I vowed after the last time when I ovulated 5 days late that I couldn't do it anymore which is why we are now going down the clinic route. It was mentally (and physically) exhausting!!!

Bobbyx


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## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

God Im beginning the think Ive got it good, clearly I need to stop whingeing! hahaha.. Bobby it is totally draining and the clinicn route has definitely crossed my mind this week but I dont think we are quite there yet so will press on for atleast the next few months.. I guess after my mc I just so desperately want it to happen AND RIGHT NOW that I am wanting it all..

Good luck at the clinic, when are you starting hon? x


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## BobbyS (Sep 23, 2010)

It took us 14 trys before I thought enough is enough!The clinic is expensive and I would have preferred the KD route for many reasons but I resigned myself to going with whatever road fate takes us down in order to have a baby. Lucky I did otherwise the scarring would not have been found and we could have been trying with KD for another few years with no success! Have just finished some hormones and just waiting for AF to arrive before starting the process  

I know when I had my ectopic I was desperate to try again straight away and was counting the hours, so I know how you are feeling Strawbs xx


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## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

Im crossing it all for you hon, I really hope this shot is your shot!! x


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## BobbyS (Sep 23, 2010)

Good luck for Sun/Mon Strawbs and good luck for you Rach xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

When you started with your known donors did you set out a contract with your commitment and expectations of him? Also for how long they are willining to try, ie 6 months is a usual figure. For us it is the only thing in our lives for them it is not!I found doing AI's more stressful than clinic ivf cycles as I had to control everything whereas ivf it's out of my hands!


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## Valhalla (May 25, 2006)

How can you set out a contract with a donor? He is doing it of his own free will and isn't receiving any payments. What would you do if he missed a month due to work or family issues? Sue him?


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

It is more of an agreement so that both your expectations are clear and explicit from the start, and you both know each others expectations there are numerous samples on the internet, of from pinkparents/US books etc. I suppose that my donor was extremely flexible so I was lucky
Wishing you luck


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## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

Valhala not sure there is a need for that, jj was just asking a question we are all here to support one another xx 

Jj no no contract and no time limit, I must admit I was just so grateful he was willing to help me.. I know I am the longest though as the others got peg 3rd time and it took us 4 tries over 6 months and now we have had the mc we are starting again but he has had a good break as the last time he saw us was 1 dec..

Xx


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## Valhalla (May 25, 2006)

I am just saying that a lot of good will is needed on all sides, the girls sometimes don't ovulate on the day they anticipate and the donor needs to rearrange his work / home schedule. Everyone needs to be understanding and flexible. But we are are here to support one another


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