# 2nd adopted child - what age gap did la want?



## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi


We adopted a little boy July last year when he was 10 months, we were hoping to get started with 2nd one some time later next year but have been told by our la that they want a 3 year age gap with our son so can only get approved when he turns 4, he is now 2 years 3 months.


I thought the age gap was 2 years, what is your experience? Not in any big hurry but not getting any younger and looking after babies is hard work!! Especially for my back  


Panorama x


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

We have been encouraged to go for as big as possible, our son is 9 now and we are looking at 3-6 year olds, our personal preference would be 4-5 years. Our son was much older than yours though when he came to us, he was 6 yrs old, he has ADHD and attachment difficulties so SW thinks a big age gap would be advisable and also to go for a girl this time as well.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Its another point that varies from agency to agency    Some say 2 years, some will say the existing child has to be settled at school first.

Surely you can start HS again later next year when he is just over 3 as by the time you are approved and matched he will be very close to or possibly 4 anyway.

Good luck with number 2!

OT x


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Thanks miny moo and old timer

Told her I was hoping to start hs end of next year and she says to contact her later next year and she will see what they can do. We'd like to go for a girl next so obviously may take longer to find and get matched so hoping they will see this, and from experience with our little one it took 3 months from getting matched to intros due to legal stuff. It's so funny when they say how the are crying out for adopters yet they have all these rules..... Oh well... will enjoy next year anyway! 

Hope you both have a lovely Xmas!

P x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Panorama,

We had a similar problem, we were initially told that there had to be a 2 year age gap so had planned to start the process for our 2nd lo when our little man was 3.
It's turned out to be a bit more complicated though (as you are also finding).
The LA we went through the first time are currently only recruiting prospective adopters for sibling groups of 3 or more plus children with specific special needs. They also said that they would not consider us anyway atm until our ds was about 4 as they now have a 3 year age gap so the goal posts have changed since we went through the process   . You'd think they'd also make an exception for their own adopters, but no.   

To cut a long story short we have called numerous LA's and have even had an initial visit from one plus been invited to an info day from another but with no luck. We have now finally found an LA that will take us on and have our prep-course in Jan (some LA's don't require you to attend their prep-course if it's your 2nd time but unfortunately the one we are now with want us to attend as we weren't with them the first time around  ). It's no biggy though, we all know how it works, and I appreciate that they have to cover every angle etc.
It was almost the same story with every LA we spoke to in that they had an issue with our little man's age!
He's been with us over 2 years now and will be 4 before we are placed with another lo so it really shouldn't have been so hard to be taken on!  . Even the LA we are now with had reservations to start with but after they came out for a home visit they thankfully looked at the bigger picture and agreed to take us further.

All that said, our little man is about a year older than yours so you may still struggle unfortunately  
I totally agree with you in that we're not getting any younger! We don't want a huge age gap either and to be honest with all things considered if we had to wait to even get started with the process until he is 4 years old it would be very likely that we would decide to stick with the one little blessing we have. 

I don't mind if you want to pm me if you want any other info, I must have called/dealt with about 15 LA's in total, I'm not sure if you even live anywhere near me so therefore the info I've collected may not even be relevant to you, but feel free   

Anj x


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi Anjelissa


Thanks for that, it's crazy how they keep saying the are struggling to find adopters and yet they put up so many obstacles!


Saying that we are not in any rush just yet and are happy to wait another year, but they want to wait another 9 months more! My Lo will not start school till 2015 as he was a September baby. Emailed my sw saying we would like to eat started jan next year and she did not say no, said to keep in touch so hopefully will be ok. We would like a little girl next time so may take a while to get matched anyway, we will see, will contact them again around October and see. May alsok end up with just the one too if its so hard, I don't think we want to go with another la as the were great and the others round here are worse! 


Good luck to you anyway!


MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!   


P xx


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