# sample known donor agreement - question



## elfgypsy (May 30, 2010)

Hi, I am considering sharing our donor agreement and wondered if it would be most useful in a sticky or if there is a place to put it where there are other documents to support women to have easy access to different ones.
xx


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## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

That's a really good idea. Maybe we could have a sticky thread of sample donor agreements so that anyone who wanted to add their could and they'd be available for anyone to copy and paste. 

Gina.


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## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

That's a brilliant idea - I was just about to start a thread asking if anybody had / knew of any example donor agreements, as we are about to start drafting one and have NO idea where to start or what to put.


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## katena (Nov 14, 2007)

Fab idea!!!

Sticky Sticky sticky!!!!!   spin

K


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I had some but before from Lisa Saffron books not sure where they are now! there are some on the websites as well - I will hunt around

I found this on an old thread on here it was questions a lady who was meeting a man to ask about being a KD/co-parent was asking for:
Trying for a baby / being pregnant

Process of conception:
How do you feel about: DIY at home; assisted conception at a clinic; how many attempts you would be willing to go through (what if it took months / years even?); being present at clinic appointments.
Are you absolutely certain that you are happy to try for a baby with me, given my age and potential fertility issues?
Would you have a fertility test?
Would you bank a sample for quarantine in January?

Decision-making about treatment:
Would you be happy for me to have the final say on all decisions that affect my body / health?

Pre-natal tests:
What's your view on screening for disease; How would you deal with any results?

Pre-natal process generally:
If I do get pregnant, how much of the pre-natal experience would you want to be part of? Attending scans; classes; choosing hospitals; birth styles; reading up at home.

Me being still legally married:
I don't know this might affect things legally. Probably not at all. Do you have any view on it?

Health, drugs, alcohol:
To what extent are you prepared to optimise your health and fitness for conception? Eg, would you moderate alcohol, give up cigarettes and drugs (if you take them) and take zinc supplements?

Sexual health:
Would you screen for all STIs in advance, and take all precautions during the period?

Commitment to the effort:
What's your view on changing our minds along the way?

Current partner:
Is you current partner supportive of the plan?

New partners:
What's your view on your own relationship status changing, or mine, during the process of trying?

Privacy:
Would you want people to know about the process?

Why do you want a child?
Why do you want to co-parent (as opposed to adopt / surrogacy)?
How do you feel in your gut (or wherever you keep your non-cerebral 'feeling' self) about all this? Terrified?

All goes well, and we have a baby!

Custody:
How much time, and how, would you want to spend with the child? Eg, 50% from the start, at your home. One weekend per month? What would you consider best for you and best for the child?

What would you want to be known as?:
Dad? Uncle? Christian name?

Childcare:
How do you feel about childcare generally? Would you work part-time and do child care part-time? How do you feel about what I do? Are you willing to split the cost of childcare if we both chose to work full time?

Finance:
How much of the financial cost of having a child would you contribute? Would you exclude anything?

Religion:
Are you religious? How would you feel about religion for your child? Would you want a child christened?

Education:
Where do you stand on private v state education, singe-sex schools, boarding school, education in general?

Naming on the birth certificate:
Would you want to be named?

Naming the child:
Any thoughts on how on earth we would do this one? 

Sex (of baby!):
Any preferences?

Multiple births:
What if it was twins? Triplets?

New partners:
A critical one this. What would you want your partner's role with the child to be, and what would you want my partner's role with the child to be? What about if those partners changed a few times for each of us?

Location. (How close you and I live to each other):
Ideally, how would you approach choosing where to live? How would you feel about living very near, or very far apart? Do you have a sense of where you might like to settle over the next decade or so?

Custody in event of death:
If we had a child, and either of us died before the child was 18, what would you want to happen?

Child's relationship with extended family:
What about grandparents, aunties and uncles? Conventional relationship?

Our role in each other's extended family:
Would you want your family to know me? Would you want my family to know you? How involved might we be with extended family?

Extended family health:
Can you detail any major illnesses or hereditary conditions

Nature of our friendship:
A difficult one this, but what would be your ideal here? Do you see this as quite a practical joint venture, or would you like our friendship to develop, and to co-parent as good friends?

What would we do if our friendship broke down? (A plan for conflict resolution):
Nominate others? Professional mediation?

Decision-making (eg, diet / MMR):
What degree of decision-making would you want to be involved in? Daily? Just the big stuff? Would you be happy to make decisions on your own? To allow me to make decisions alone? Would you be happy for the balance of power on all decisions to sit with me? Or you? Always equal?

Event of a sick / disabled child?:
So, the terrible scenario that a healthy baby becomes very sick or turns out to be disabled. Or, even minor disability. Autism / ADHD, crikey it could be anything. Can you put your hand on your heart and say your commitment to your child, and your responsibility to share care, would not waver?

Would you want to put anything in a contract? (Not sure what could be contracted? Finance)

Politics:
Do you hold any political views that could significantly affect a child? BNP membership?

Life philosophy:
Do you have one? Committed Buddhist?

Own childhood experience - inherited parenting style?:
Lavished with love and toys?

What do you imagine your parenting style to be?:
Children should be seen and not heard? Children rule? Children should be wrapped in cotton wool and not strapped on and climbed up mountains?

Where would you need support from me?:
Sharing knowledge? Helping with middle of the night fears and worries?

It doesn't go well, and we don't have a baby
Have you thought about how this might feel? Are you prepared for it as an outcome?
Have you thought about having to face dealing with miscarriage, or terminating?
Are you prepared for any outcome for our friendship if things don't work out for any reason?

And because we must end on a positive note!
What's your star sign?
Just joking 
_
Lx_


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## elfgypsy (May 30, 2010)

great feedback, does anyone know how to make a sticky?? xx


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## Dominique123456 (Jul 12, 2008)

Wow that seems really comprehensive and a good eye opener for those just starting out I'd imagine! So much to consider! Great to have it to hand


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## floralou (Jul 21, 2010)

Wow that is really comprehensive...think it might be a bit more useful to someone trying to find a donor, rather than if you've already found one though. 

Am still looking for examples of how to word an agreement re: parental responsiblities and stuff so if anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear/read  thanks


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## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

I'll try to dig out a copy of ours later - don't have the right computer to hand atm though. 

Gina.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Here are some links on the web that might be of use, I joined the Darcy Laine Foundation and they also had some sample agreements, Lisa Saffron has some printed in the back of her books on this subject

http://www.spermdonors.org.uk/sperm-donation-agreement-deed-KD.pdf

http://www.knowndonor.com/contract.php

re;sticky a Volunteer can make a thread sticky so ask Skybreeze

/links


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