# Laughter and coping with infertility



## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Last week my DH had another semen analysis and after a bad experience last time where he felt really embarrassed and could hear people moving about outside the room, he opted to do the sample at home. We live 15-20 mins' drive from the clinic, but the traffic is often really unpredictable. So that meant some time constraints as the sample could not be any older than 60 mins when it arrived at the clinic, but also that there was a fixed appointment start time when it had to be there. We live 19 mins' drive from the clinic. In the end it was a fairly stressful drive, but I got there in time. I hung on to the thing which had kept me giggling beforehand - which was, I could really do with some flashing lights to get me through the traffic quicker! Maybe orange flashing lights?! (Not wanting to imply this was anywhere near blue lights) There was also a moment just before I left when I could not find the sample anywhere! I knew it was in the flat somewhere as I hadn't left and it had been in my pocket keeping warm... Turned up on the bathroom floor, but seriously! More nervous laughter. Not funny at all if I had really lost it or we missed the appt, but crazy in the circumstances. You could write a comedy sketch of sorts - and it would only be funny if you were in the right place.

Looking at the insensitive comments thread, the intention when it started was to laugh together as well as to commiserate about some of the things people say. I have a habit of giggling a lot and sometimes quite uncontrollably - often when I'm in a lull between feeling really stressed, and anything can spark it off, often the least funny things! I kind of think it can be a way of letting out tension when I feel safe(r) between the scarey and the distressing things. Can anyone else relate to this? Does laughing help? Or do you feel like it so rarely that it's not a coping mechanism at all?

(With apologies in advance if I have upset anyone or trivialised what we are all going through - just trying to find the light amidst the dark and difficult)


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## ~Sapphire~ (Apr 14, 2008)

Yes, I think laugher can be a coping mechanism.  I have come to the end of my fertility journey but I know at times I felt like I had to have a sense of humour about things in order to not let them break me.  I am going through something else difficult at the moment that is not funny at all but I find myself laughing at the parts of it otherwise I think I would end up falling apart.

Take care and good luck with everything.

S xx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Yes I think laughter can be a good coping mechanism. I've just had a missed miscarriage after our first ivf (3 years ttc) and I'm finding I'm using laughter quite a bit at the moment to get through. Was out for a walk with my partner yesterday and we were chatting about wedding planning and table names. I joked that we could name the tables after ivf related things....'trigger shot, two week wait, progesterone, embryo transfer...' it was very silly and we both laughed quite a bit which made me feel better.


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

At my embryo transfer the other year i was in the theatre, legs in stirrups and the nurse had just put the sheet over me. The Doctor lifted the sheet and said "Erm, Cloudy, you are still in your underwear!" I turned to Mr C and said "so that's where we have been going wrong all these years!"     

It was even more ridiculous when the theatre team formed a "wall of dignity" in front of me so i could take my pants off - a bit unnecessary considering that everything was going to be on display very shortly!

Xxx


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

i think its a sad old day when we stop laughing. Yes for sure there are moments, when its REALLY difficult to see the funny side of a situation, but i dont think it pays to take ourselves of life too seriously

if we woke up in a warm bed this morning, can look forward to at least one decent meal, have the tools be it a phone / tablet / laptop to post on FF, have family or/and friends around us, then we are, compared to many very privilidged. 

so let us laugh, be joyful, enjoy the tiny and huge wonderful moments in life, and be thankful for our lot - albeit a bumpy road 

Cloudy - LOVE the dignity wall !!


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Thanks ladies! Keep finding the laughter amid the tears.

Cloudy - your dignity wall!!

Xx


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## Bahhumbug (Nov 30, 2014)

Loving this

Apologies in advance as this is rather crude...

Our clinic give us the option of choosing a song to play during transfer. So far we have decided not to in case, being naturally sceptical, we didnt want our favourite song/s to be forever tarnishes.

The closest we did get, however, was thinking of having Elbow's One Day Like This (? Not sure of exact title), which makes me feel optimistic and fearless... Then we realised we wouldnt be able to keep a straight face with the regular refrain 'throw those curtains wide' whilst i would be lying there, legs akimbo!!!

Sorry!


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

@bahhumbug


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

It could be worse Bahhumbug, you could have chose "Lets get it on" by Marvin Gaye, or the 80s classic "Hit me with your best shot"   I wish my clinic did this, I wouldn't be able to help myself picking something inappropriate like "we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time"  

Xxx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Love it Cloudy and Bahumbug!
Oh the indignity of fertility treatment!


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

I've just been given an urgent appointment at the breast clinic because I seem to have cysts in my breasts to match those on my ovaries. I am not seriously worried about cancer but needs to be excluded, so I'm in a bit of an emotional pickle about it, and worried about interventions been suggested that I'm not keen on. Not one, not two but all three of my band of lovely close friends (who know about the IF too) have said they're willing to come with me! I giggled all the way home thinking of the four of us challenging some of the clinicians I have met in the past who have not been very open to discussion! (While feeling that the vast majority of clinicians are amazing).


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Another amusing moment amid the sadness.... We went to the seaside at the weekend and stupidly despite knowing my period was due any day now after our latest Clomid round, I didn't go prepared.

As we got back into the car to drive home, I felt the first drops of blood. Eek! So we found a supermarket and I decided it wasn't urgent enough to just run into the toilets. So went and got some bananas and queued up to pay at the place with the shortest queue - only to find the most complicated request for cigarettes being placed and the assistant couldn't find the right brands and types behind the closed doors so it took what felt like an age. I felt like shrieking hurry up or I'm going to bleed all over your lovely clean floor! (We happened to find Waitrose first) But of course I didn't...!


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## littlerosie (Apr 27, 2014)

Went for a scan during the week as part of FET cycle. Hubby with me looking at the scan. All was fine thankfully. 
He told me after "I think you've two of those cysts but the nurse didn't mention it. She mustn't be concerned"
So just said "you sure it wasn't my ovaries she was looking at?"
Him "maybe it was. How many of them have you?"
Nearly wet myself laughing. This is the 6th cycle of some sort and we've been so lucky to have 2 babies
How does he not know


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## littlerosie (Apr 27, 2014)

Cloudy I'm laughing at the songs. 
When we were driving to the hospital for first mc, Oasis Wonder wall came on the radio. At the line "I think I've got a feeling I've lost it inside" we just looked at each other and laughed, couldn't make it up.


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Littlerosie - thank you!


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