# Help, How am I meant to cope!



## MrsRTodd (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

This is my first time on this site and just really needed somewhere to turn to!

My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years and are literally at the stage of beginning our IVF cycle, got day 1 of cycle yesterday so called the hosp today to arrange for our drugs and app for day 23  

However as much as this is AMAZING news, I'm feeling really torn as i feel that I don't have anyone to turn to as over the past 3 months my Best Friend announced she was pregnant, my cousin (who is the closest person to me ever) also announced that she is expecting then last Thursday my 18 year old sister announced she is expecting (this was unplanned and a real shock) and I'm just in turmoil over it all.

Does anyone else feel this way when they find out about other people being pregnant?


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## sallyann30 (Mar 25, 2012)

Unfortunately yes i have felt like this before, but it does get better. 
It's always hard when someone has something you want. It makes it worse that you have to go through so much to get it to. But everything will be worth it. Keep strong x


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## mellisa (Jan 6, 2012)

It is hard my friend told me she was pregnant on xmas day. of all days
and keeps txting me bout everything to it moving and scans. i could cry they were only trying for one month. 
Weve been trying for years.
It is hard but try and keep positive 

mellisa


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## Emms80 (Feb 22, 2012)

Im in a similar position, we have just started to have investigations to see why we arent concieving and I have so many people who are pregnant around me. I have days where I find it so emotionally difficult and just want to lock myself away. Its hard when your having to look at scan photos and listen to baby news so i completely understand how your feeling

I   that it will he us showing everyone our scan soon enough. Xx

Message me if you ever in need of a chat


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I think it is totally understandable to feel like this.

My best friend had 2 children very easily and her favourite comment to me is "are you sure you want kids, take mine, they are doing my head in". She is so supportive in many ways, but then comments like that are really hard to deal with.

A friend recently announced that she was pregnant and I was really pleased for her as they have been trying for quite a while and were at the point of starting investigations. On the other hand, I know a few other friends are now at the stage of trying and it's only a matter of time. Of course I want them to have it easy, I don't want them to suffer like we do because it's awful. I just hope they handle us with care and tell us directly, rather than doing it in front of everyone or via text as seems to be the norm these days!

Hugs honey, you aren't alone, glad you have found FF  . Xxx


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## MrsRTodd (Mar 26, 2012)

Many Thanks for your your supportive messages,

Its good to know im not the only person out there feeling this way.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

It is really really hard, but try not to see it as "them and us".  I have had several friends who have been very supportive and then become pg.  I struggled to know if it's  Ok or not to confined in them, but they want to continue being there for me so nothing has really changed. Yes it's hard but friends are friends, a bit of consideration on both sides and things can remain good.


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## staceyemma (Jul 30, 2011)

Mrs Todd I am here for you

My sister has 4 children I've had to watch her announce each pregnancy time after time.
None of them planned or cherished- not the way I would cherish them anyway...

We all understand that feelign here I start Down Reg 14th April so very close to you!!

CHin up xxx


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## Lannypoo (Jan 19, 2012)

Hi Mrs Todd 

Yes Hun I have felt like this for years!! We are all here for you.... Unfortunately the only way I have been able to deal with these people is to distance myself from them. Before I did this though I took them to one side and explained the reasons why.... Trust me they are now a lot more sensitive towards my feelings and I don't get scan pictures thrust in my face anymore. 

I have also been generally open with my situation. There have been many times when I have been in the office and someone has asked me... "so when are you going to have a baby then" promptly followed by "you are not getting any younger!" this usually resulted in me running to the toilet and crying for about half an hour. The thing was that these people didn't know what I was going though so they had no idea that they would upset me. So now when it happens I handle it by telling them that I have just started my first cycle of IVF. Some people don't know what to say and others are genuinely interested. But the main thing is I don't cry in the toilets anymore  

It is great news that you will soon be on your treatment path. Trust me as soon as you start the injections all your feelings towards everyone else will go away. All you will think about is yourself and your partner and guess what.... That's all that matters in this. Funnily enough my fiancé has always said this to me but it has taken me nearly 3 years to realise this  

Take care hope to see you on the cycle buddies boards very soon  

Leanne xx


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## Bella4 (Jul 29, 2011)

Hi

I've just found out today that a colleague is 14 weeks with her 3rd child which I've been expecting, she has fallen pregnant the first month with trying with all of them. lucky I was the only one in the office when she told me and i managed to hold it together to congratulate her. Managed to stay away from the toilets however now I'm home I just want to cry especially as if my first tx had succeeded I would only be a month behind her.
But Lannypoo your right the only thing that matters is you and your partner even if it is hard to realise  

x x x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

nearly two years ago when my younger sister became pregnant i found it very difficult at first. It seemed totally unfair - she already had a child - it was 'my turn' not hers! However when the baby was born he was just lovely, and somehow it didn't matter at all. I have lost contact with many friends over the years because i couldn't cope with all their constant chatter about their children - especially as they all seem to complain about them and say things like 'it's alright for you, you don't have to attend parents evening/get up in the middle of the night/bake cookies for the scouts/whatever', and it just got to be too much... i am now at a stage where even the people i knew who i never thought would have a family all seem to have one, it feels like there's only me left who hasn't managed it and it's horribly socially crippling... 
but thankfully i have found some people in here who understand, and i have a plan, and i'm starting ivf, so it may yet get to be 'my turn'. 

and boy am i planning to milk it when it is! all those people i know with their smug families - they will get daily, no, wait, hourly photo-updates of every single move it makes. revenge will be sweet!


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## alicat (Oct 25, 2004)

I feel exactly as u ladies my hubby and I have been trying for 14 yrs wow I have 5 sisters who all have kids yrs ago I would get so upset but now I'm honest with anybody who asks people can't believe how open I am about it I have my moments when people announce their pregnancies but then I just keep thinking one day hopefully it will be mine and the hubby's turn we are about to start our 2nd Ivf paid for by my lovely MIL and step FIL which me and hubby are so gratefull for but it will be our last attempt 14yrs is along to be trying and I do have all my lovely nieces and nephews to spoil and godchildren let's hope this will be all our yr x


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## gottahavehope (Jun 22, 2011)

Hi Ladies

I totally agree with you all a bit of consideration from the other side and a touch of honesty from your side, just enought to protect 
yourself mind! And a good dose of     from people of FF should be a good receipe to cope x 

ps goldbunny love it!!


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## WeCanDoIt! (Feb 24, 2012)

Hi,

This is my first post here on FF (although I have been board stalking for a while)

It is so good to see someone else voicing what I have been feeling - it makes me feel slightly less nuts! One of my best friends has just given birth to the cutest little boy, and being around her during her pregnancy was tough. Part (a big part) of me is so SO happy for her, but I can't help feeling 'Why not me', and then I hate myself for thinking that.

Most days I'm pretty positive, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what I'll do if I never get to be a mum....then I mentally slap myself and get on with things.

Compared to some people we haven't been trying long at all (about 18 months) but its a hell of a lot harder emotionally than I ever expected. I think my poor other half does wonder occasionally what happended to his happy go lucky, rational girlfriend!!

Think we just have to keep positive, try to keep busy doing things that we wont be able to do with a baby & blame the crazy feelings on the damn hormones!

E xx


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## ninag318 (Apr 7, 2012)

Hi, Im totally the same, i kid everybody not.  Literally every person in my life has had a child since we began trying, my brothers, my fiances sisters, my good friends.  
It hurts a lot. 
I began resenting everybody and not being able to be around them as it hurt so much.  This whole fertilty stuggle is an emotional rollercoaster, each day you dont know how you will cope with babies everywhere unitll your faced with it. Everybody tries to understand but untill you have been through this, you never truley know how it feels. I never expected anybody to hide stuff from me i just asked if they could respect how i felt. Now years down the line the thing that personally hurts me the most is seeing peoples childeren celebrating there 2nd birthdays and we still dont have what we want so much.
I have only recently dicovered this website but already feel like there is support on hand and its hear warming to read other peoples stories. It took alot for me to post on here and admit i finally needed help but im so glad i did. I finally feel that im not alone.
I wish everybody the best of luck.

Love and


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## L21 (Oct 1, 2010)

Hi all,

I feel the same and all i'd say is that there are good days and bad days. It is so crippling sometimes. It does seem okay once you start treatment though, feels like you're doing something at least. The hardest bit for me was the wait to start!

Wishing you the best of luck.
xx


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## Chrissy86 (Apr 10, 2012)

Hi, 
I feel exactly the same, currently at work there are 6 colleagues away on maternity leave and one pregnant, due in June. we work very closely and every time the baby moves she is asking me to feel it.  A close friend has just had a baby, she fell pregnant after trying for one month. my best friend has just had her second and my cousin is now expecting her 3rd. she is a year younger than me. I am the 'official babysitter' as I'm the one with no children. and to make matters worse i run the babyroom at i nursery. i love my job but its very hard to cope when there is no escaping the fact that i cant have my own. its heartbreaking having to wear that fake smile and pretend you're happy for everyone else while its tearing u up inside.


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## L21 (Oct 1, 2010)

Jeez..its sounds like a difficult time for you, where you work and also with your colleagues. Maybe you could explain to them the situation? My husband is not keen on us telling anyone about our infertility issues but then that makes it hard as I have to endure endless baby/pregnancy chat so I do usually end up telling people! If they feel awkward thats their problem!!
Most people dont even know that they are being insensitive. My mum makes endless unhelpful suggestions - one was that I could use my husband's brother's sperm as a donor! (bit weird eh)

xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i don't think that's weird, as it goes, i have heard of people doing that. it's no more odd than the idea of my using my sisters eggs which i would do if i was able and she was able - she did offer but we haven't got to the stage of finding out if my eggs are ok yet. 
if you use a brothers sperm at least they will be related to their cousins/grandparents which you wouldn't have with a random donor. i can see it would only work in some families though. x


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## Chrissy86 (Apr 10, 2012)

I have spoken to them and they do get better for a while but as time goes on, they relax and seem to forget that I'm in that situation. i guess because i cant really talk about it at work.  I agree with goldbunny.  I can see the thinking behind using your husbands brothers sperm but at the same time i don't think it is something i would be comfortable with. Hubby is an only child so i don't have a choice either way lol


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## L21 (Oct 1, 2010)

Godlbunny/chrissy,

My husband's brother is a total idiot and my stomach feels queasy at the thought! ;-) He got a girl pregnant who he met in a nightclub, then moved back to Zambia after living in the UK for 3 years without telling her, hasnt been to see the baby who is now 7 months. Would rather have a total stranger be the sperm donor and not know who it was.
But yes, can see how it might work in some circumstances.

xx


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