# Giving up treatment



## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi there

I am interested to hear from people who have recently taken the decision to give up on IVF etc and go for adoption, as that's where we are now.  

As you can see from my signature, I hvae had various treatments, all of which failed at more or less the same point.  My IVF consultant has suggested an op to remove a fibroid, but is very vague as to how far it will improve my chances, plus we're looking at £5,000 to have it done privately if the NHS waiting list is too long, then the cost of a further round of IVF, which last time came to nearly £4,000 because I was on huge doses of Gonal F, and I really wonder whether it's worth it.

So we've also been looking into adoption, and went to an information meeting last week.  They got an adoptive Dad to talk about his expeiences and their situation was very similar to ours, ie failed IVF and wife now over 40. But he spoke so warmly and affectionately about his 2 new children that I really felt inspired - it obviously can and does work.  It is also encouraging reading some of th posts on this site from people who are very happy with their new families.  Sometime, I think Social Services are so keen to stress the difficulties and challenges of adoption (for understandable reasons) that we are in danger of missing the benefits.

Since then, I have spoken to various family members, including one who was going to adopt but gave it one last go and had donor egg twins, and they ask whether I will regret it if I don't have one last go myself.  I know everyone is different, especially when it comes to reasons for infertility, but I would be grateful to hear your thoughts about the decision to give up on IVF and go for adoption.

Many thanks

Essex Girl aka Ruth


----------



## gillywilly (Apr 18, 2004)

Hi Ruth
I read your post and was interested to speak to you. We have decided to stop treatment and last week had an initial meeting with our LA. They dont hold an information evening we spend an hour with a social worker. We have filled in a form to proceed and are waiting for sw to be allocated. You complete preparation course during homestudy.
I feel so positive and upbeat proably the best I felt in years. When we both made decision to stop it was just pure relief. Our story 1 attempt at icsi lost our precious baby at 21 weeks last year. i attempt at frozen embies negative. I have a condition that may or may not mean I can carry a baby long enough so.... Its not a easy decision because I think you always think 1 more go. I remember someone saying its like a rollercoaster and I feel the best decision we made is to get off it. I feel ttc took up my whole life and I didnt want it to just go on. I know well adoption is a long path but its different if you know what I mean.
I would love to chat more  especially has we seem at similar stages.

Love and best wishes
Gill
I hope I didnt go on too much


----------



## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi girls I hope you don't mind me crashing in on your posts, but I am at the same point in my life as you both. We have been ttc for six years with a lot of disappointment so we have decided to give it up. We are attending an information evening on Mon 23rd May so we hope to find out more then. although they have said they like ex Ivf patients to wait a whole year before we can really start, although they are sending us to this info evening and to preparation courses. I was really disheartened to hear we would have to wait so long but we are getting pretty good at this waiting business. Has anyone else been told they have to wait for a while? The council were very nice to me and have now made me really excited about starting. It would be really good to have some buddies on the long road! . 
LOL Keli


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Welcome to you all.

The decision to stop is very much a personal one and you will see from many posts on here that different people stopped at different times and for different reasons.

Whatever you decide the adoption road is still a rollercoaster but a very worthwhile one at the end of it (although as I type my 2 and half year old is refusing her nap although she can barely keep her eyes open or stand up!)

We have a thread that we post all our regular news on. Should you decide to join us, I will add you to our list. Please can i also draw your attention to the following information about posting on the adoption thread.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,21288.0.html

Good luck
Karen x
Adoption Mod


----------



## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hello ruth

I am at the very early stages of the adoption process - and as karen said the decision is a very personal one but I am happy to share my experience with you as I know it has helped me to hear about others.

I had one go at ICSI with no luck - dh had previously been against adoption as we had bben led to believe it was very unlikely to get a young child. however after our first treatment we weren't at all sure we wanted to have another go so started to investigate other options.

We had an initial visit from a SW who suggested there was a real possibility in our area of being matched with a young child - to be considered for adoption all treatment must be finished. This really hit me hard - i had never been overly set on having My baby but was driven by the desire for a family but saying no to ever being pregnant was a real tough decision to make ( specially as our infertility is due to male issues.)

I understand when people say don't you think you should have another go, don't you think you'll regret it but what i would regret is never having the chance to have a family because i carried on with fruitless treatments and then missed the boat with regards to adopting a young child.

So there it is in a - not too short- nutshell! We start our prep course in June and have been advised we could be approved by dec. Then the waiting and excitement can really begin!!

Good luck to you in your deciaion making

HHH


----------



## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

hi girls well we got a little  excitement  here  we got our crbs back from the police and is very good all clear and the s- worker is just going to write  everyting up now and we got to PANEL  in AUGUST and its my birthday in AUGUST as well.    .
we are starting to get excited now , we was told from our s-worker this are looking v good. need to set a date as well to get married.
hope you are all well. i also got a be my parent book this week its the 2nd book now . take care girls ,.
Karen can you put me on the list again for panel in august.. thanks


----------



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Essex girl

I can't speak for anyone else but DH and I just felt the time was right to stop treatment. I used to sit in the waiting room at the clinic and hear everyone chatting about where they were in their cycle and so on, some girls had been having treatment on and off for years, and I just thought I can't do that. Deciding to stop was the best decision we have ever made. It is as if a big cloud has been lifted from above our heads and the sun has come shining in. DH and I have found a new closeness and have never been happier.

There will always be a little piece of our hearts that belongs to the babies we lost and the ones we will never have naturally but as an adopted child myself I know that making a family is more than just genetics. I could go on and on here but I won't.

All I will say is trust your instincts, it if feels right to stop then stop, if you don't think you can live with the not knowing then have another go at treatment. I think most people who have got as far as I have on the adoption route would agree that they knew when the time was right to stop treatment.

By the way I am an essex girl too (honourary cause I have only been living here a few years)

Take care

Morgana x


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

as everone has already said before me, the time to give up & move on, is a very personal one & one that can not be made over night.

We've been married for 13 years (Unlucky for some - but not me!) We found out very early on in our married lives that we were unable to conceive & had what treatments were available for us at the time.  None of which worked & we decided enough was enough.

We looked into adoption & despite a few minor hiccups we eventually found a social services.  The rest they say is history, we adopted a 3 year old little boy, that was 8 years ago.  We then went onto adopt a baby girl (9 months) four years after our ds came to live with us.

I love my children to bits & they are mine!

What ever decision you make, you will know it is the right one.  I for one do not regret that we didn't continued with any more treatment, I'm glad we chose to adopt, it's not for every one & I appreciate that, if you read the messages on this board you will know from previous people who have adopted they all agree it's the best thing they have ever done.

Wishing you lot's of luck as you make what is a very difficult decision to make.


----------



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Ruth

Not sure why I didn't post here before, just been popping on quickly onto the site.

I am a similar age to you although we had been ttc since I was 33.  I did get pg with ICSI but lost the baby and although we had some frozen embryos left the FET didn't work.  We decided to give up mainly because of my age.  Although part of me wanted to carry on trying (I thought if it worked once, it could work again), the fact is that it does become harder to conceive the older you are and the chances of m/c become higher.  Also I was aware that age would be a factor considered in adoption and I knew the longer we left it the less our chances of adopting younger children.

It was a hard choice but to us it was more important to have a family than it was to have a baby.  Having our son now is great, physically he looks a bit like both of us but is much better looking   .

It is not an easy decision to make and unfortunately no-one can really advise you on what to do.  The only person who can make the decision is yourself.

Best of luck

Cindy


----------

