# Foster Carers wanting to keep child



## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

I'm just wanting some advice as I can't stop thinking about it 
We are matched with a 4yr old and last week foster carers came to see us. Just before they arrived our SW told us that the foster carers had asked if they could have special guardianship.  Apparently they were told no by the LA.  This is fine except he has being with them over 1 year so I'm pretty sure that despite what the LA want they can still apply through court and would likely to be successful.  The meeting went surprisingly well under the circumstances but what do we do now Just sit and wait?? I'm dreading if it evens gets to intros that they will sabotage it. They said a few times he didn't want to leave them and he hasn't being prepared for adoption at all. Anyone have experience of this?


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi, you need to get the sws involved to sort this out, you shouldn't have to be worrying at this stage.
If fcs are not preparing LO his sw needs to ensure it happens.
How close are you to matching panel? I'm not sure but I don't think a judge would consider their application if a match has been made?!
Good luck x


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Thank you so much for replying.  We're supposed to have matching panel 21st January.  We are with an agency and its out of area adoption.  I don't even want to decorate his room now as I'm so worried it won't work out. He's apparently had over 10 SW so none know him terribly well I don't think.  I do know his social worker is not supporting them but I can't help but think that his foster carers will spring it on us just before intros. As he's being with them over a year I think it goes to court and taken out of SW hands.  I just don't know why they came to visit us after they had enquired about an SGO. Should I get my SW to see if they have said anything else Apparently his SW said not to worry it's not happening but still ....


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

I'd prob take the 'don't worry it's not happening' with a pinch of salt...
Fcs will have a sw too so they need to get involved as well. If I were you I'd want clarification as well, no harm in asking x
Must be an awful time fior you


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

I think the court would be likely to rule in their favour if they were applying to adopt him - SGO is not giving him permanency so puts the FC in a weaker position. Are they going for SGO because they still need the income?


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Didn't realise they had a separate social worker.  That makes it even more difficult.  I do wish they had enquired before it got to this stage.  It has bothered me so much more than I actually thought it would.  It's awful feeling out of control. It's strange how you can feel a connection to a child you've never met. I've not looked at his DVD since and I looked at it 3x a day a least before this.  I can't see a positive end to this for us tbh.  Thank you for your time 
Tic Toc I'm not sure why there not going for adoption.  They both work.  Maybe they will move onto adoption instead. I do believe they would win that's what's worrying me.  I do know they want him out of area due to birth family being so close.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

They might have asked about special guardianship because they want some kind of financial support from the la. They might not be prepared to adopt him.  I know they can apply to the courts in regards to adoption but don't know what the situation would be with special guardianship. You could try phoning adoption uk for advice on this.


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

If they foster for income, if they were to adopt they would probably have to leave the fostering for some time. My LA has a rule that if a fc does adopt a child with them, they can't foster for 2 years 😬


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Thank you for the advice.  I think they can go to court for a SGO as its being over 1yr.  Even if they end up being unable to keep him how awkward will intros be now? I got the feeling they do need the money they receive from fostering.  This will definitely ruin my Christmas now. I wish the foster carers would just  tell us what they plan to do.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hello vader
Just to help put your mind at ease we currently have a 13month old little blue crawling around. He was placed 12 days ago. His foster family wanted to adopt him. 

  They would need assesed as adopters which as you know takes time . The family finders have choose you and like us they said they would never support the foster family in the adoption of our LO. 
  Lo needs to move on and they would be holding this up by applying to adopt them.  Theu wouldnt be able to foster for a long time if they adopted . X


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Thank you sass I hope your enjoying you new life.  What worries me is as he has being with fc for over a year they can legally go over his SW head and go to court for an SGO even though the LA are not supporting them (i think)


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

are you sure they can go straight to court for an SGO

i thought it was only if they wanted to adopt. surely if they only want an SGO and the plan is for the child to have a permanent home then no court is going to rule in favour of an SGO! how is that in the best interests of the child


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

According to council websites a special guardianship order can be made by a foster carer who has had a child over 1 year with or without SW support. They can legally go to court for it changing. I've just read about it as its sending me crazy with worry.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

that might  be the case bt surely the court wil view a  more permanent solution as preferable for the child.

i think you need to speak to your social worker and ask them  for the details as to  what the court's view on SGO v adoption is. Not there view on what they think is best but what they think is possible.


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

I'm phoning her on Monday to see if she can find anything out and tell her my thoughts on it. The only hope is they do want him out of his area and foster carers live close to birth family. His social worker wanted to rush us to panel in December but ours said no he needs more prep work.  Maybe that's why his SW was rushing us cos she knew.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

ok - wellgood luck with it all - adoption is so stressfull really but totally worth it in the end.


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Thank you will update once I know more x


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## spoonfullofsugar (Nov 11, 2015)

Sounds to me like the foster carers love this wee person very much, and are panicking at the thought of losing him. I imagine they came to visit you to see if they could see the child living with you and developing a similar attachment to you as he has with them. I can only hope for your sake they can and that you've put their minds at ease. But this really isn't about what's best for you or the foster carer, it has to be about what's best for the child. Maybe it would be less damaging for him to remain with the foster carer? Is there no way you can just ask them directly what their plans are? Sounds like social work are not keeping you in the loop. Hope you get support with this I can imagine how lost you must be feeling.


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

I so wish I could just ask them.  If I knew there intentions were to keep him I would walk away. Even if they didn't get approved for an SGO intros would be impossible for us.  I actually really liked her and we had a laugh together when I showed her upstairs.  I think it would be less damaging for him to stay with them as no work has being done about his life story or adoption so intros would be so hard I think.


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## spoonfullofsugar (Nov 11, 2015)

If the foster carer doesn't get approved for an SGO, I'm sure she would prefer the introductions were with you rather than someone she has no relationship with at all, especially as it sounds like you both got on well. I really hope it doesn't go that far and the carer is able to see that although it's heart breaking moving a child you love on she will eventually come to terms with the loss and be able to give other children the same degree of love and support. It doesn't have to be the end of her relationship with the wee guy, and if you do get the opportunity to speak to her again reassure her that you understand he is very special to her and no doubt she is special to him and you'll be happy to check in with her now and again to let her know how he's getting on. Please don't worry about life story work not being done, in my experience that's not at all unusual!  You need to hold on to the positives, he is clearly loved and will be well looked after and he will have formed an attachment to his carer which means he will find it much easier to form an attachment to you. Hope you get some answers on Monday.


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

Apparently SGO applications can take 6months and it's likely they would get one so I wouldn't wait I don't think. We actually did say those things to her when she was at our house.  She said there will be lots of tears which I said I'd be crying too. Our SW told her it was wonderful she loved him and that it would only help me and DH to build attachments with him too.  Oh the stress of it all


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

It's a tough situation, and I think you need to find out what's really going on.

We adopted a little girl whose foster carer wanted to keep her.  We didn't know.  We didn't know the reasons why she couldn't or any number of other things.  We thought things were a bit out when we met her before intros but we down played it.  The foster carer was intensely hostile to us and behaved terribly during the introductions in front of our daughter and when we took our daughter home on the final day it was a nightmare.  It honestly felt like we stole her, and I'm sure it was terrifying for our daughter.  While I'm sure there would have been problems for our daughter from any number of other issues, this difficult transition and open hostility on top of everything else was incredibly damaging and three and a half years on we are still trying to pick up the pieces.  I would urge you to contact your SW and try and arrange a meeting with the foster carers or their SW to find out exactly what is going on and make sure that the introductions are going to be OK.  It's incredibly important because it's such a hugely traumatic period for any child even when done well.  

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

I'm annoyed with myself for not chasing the SW up sooner.  Being so close to xmas we prob won't get any answers this week.  What you are saying about intros is what really worries me. Do you Ming me asking how long your daughter was with her foster carer??


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## spoonfullofsugar (Nov 11, 2015)

Hi Wyxie

Just read your blog. Don't know what to say really other than how sorry I am you've been let down by so many people. No wonder you're angry. I really hope you have a great family/friend network to support you. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas.


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