# Trying for another?



## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi. 

My daughter will be turning 2 in March and I'm starting to wonder about having a second child 

It took 2.5 years to conceive our daughter and I had to have IUI treatment to do so. 

I always said I didn't want a big age gap and that I want a sibling for my daughter, but I just can't begin to imagine how hard it would be with a newborn and a toddler   as I find one hard enough! I also enjoy my sleep at night & I need it!

Also this may sound silly but how could another child ever compare for our first who we fought so long to have?!!! How on earth would I split my time and would I want too

We want to move house this year, but my partner says we would deal with it (that's his outlook on life deal with it if it happens!!) and to not worry!

Is anyone else stuck in limbo as to whether to try for another or not?!

I think I feel pressure because in the back of my mind I'm aware how long it took to have my daughter and also because I don't want a big age gap, but whether I am really ready I don't know.... I don't feel broody or anything but having said that I've purchased ovulation tests and pregnacare!   

I think when you try for a baby for so long it becomes a bit of an obsession and I want to prove my body can do it without help!


xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I think 2yrs of age is a nice time to start trying for a second.  I certainly found motherhood second time around much easier.  You learn so much from your first, so you feel more confident and relaxed.  You don't tend to get hung up or let the little things that don't go quite to plan beat you up.

Yes, the sleepless nights can be hard, but as you have already discovered it does get easier and isn't forever.  Also your little one isn't far of nursery age, so you will be able to get a little shut eye then.

Believe me, you will love both your children just the same.  From the minute I knew I was pregnant, this second baby was wanted and loved just as much as my first boy.  

You would be fine, I can 100% promise this.

X


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi Staceysm,

Thank you for your reply. 

Yes people keep saying that as my daughters nearly two we must be thinking about having another child now...but I don't feel broody and neither do I have that burning desire that I had when trying for my daughter. Did you have this? 

Another issue is I have zero sex drive and haven't done since before having my daughter! Me and my partner do argue alot which drives me nuts, but when we aren't arguing we are a good team and as a result we have a very clever, bright and loving little girl. 

The thought of the birth bit also terrifies me, I had to have a c section with my daughter. 

Soo many worries and concerns none of which I had when trying to conceive my daughter!! 

My daughter doesn't go to nursery, I'm very proud that I've been able to give her 100% of my attention for this long...which is another worry of mine. How on earth do you divide your time and how do you stop your first born feeling left out? What if she reacts badly to having another sibling?

Sorry im ranting a bit lol


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Ive been trying for number 2 for over 2 years and am finally 5 weeks pregnant. I have all the same concerns about baby 2. I am a stay home mum and my daughter wont start preschool until September when she will be 3.5. We have really been inseparable since she was born and I couldn't love her more. I trust what other people tell me, I will love baby 2 just the same and I will manage. I remember so much worrying about how id cope with baby 1 - I mean how do you get petrol, do you take them in to pay or not etc etc. The list of things was endless and they seem silly now. My daughter has definitely suffered through 2 years of IVF but hopefully she is too young to remember it. 

I was told once that you have to REALLY REALLY want a child to put yourself through IVF. I have resented IVF so much for the time its taken away from my daughter but the drive for number 2 has been stronger than the drive for number 1. That desire is the only thing that's keeping me going. 

If your not sure then take the pressure off. The only thing that seems to be pushing you is you want the children close in age. Im sorry to say but with needing treatment that cant be guaranteed. I wanted the same and my daughter was 8 months when we started trying again. She is now nearly 3 and im finally pregnant. Its going to work out well though as she will start preschool just as new baby is due. It means I can do all the lovely baby classes with number 2 that I did with her and she will be having fun at preschool. Its a win win. 

Maybe try naturally for now and try to stay detached (impossible I know) and then if you try a year say and nothing happens your daughter will naturally be needing you less and less and you can devote your time to treatment and number 2.  my daughter has just started going off at play groups and not needing me, she is naturally separating herself and its good for her so in hindsight this timing is good. 

Best of luck whatever you decide.


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