# Stress and Infertility... feel like i'm cracking up!



## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Girls

I was just hoping to find some sort of support from anyone with a simlar issue to me. We've been TTC for about 20 months and have had countless blood tests and sperm tests. All fine. I've had the lap and dye and two scans to check for PCOS.. all fine. So now I have got it in my head that the reason we haven't been able to conceive is due to stress. For the past 6 months around the time of ovulation/when I get my 'peak' days on my fertiltiy monitor, i just feel so anxious cos I'm so desperate for it to happen. I just feel physically sick and all I can think about is how much I want it to be the month. I feel like i'm stressing about being stressed! I know the medical world dosen't actually know the true impact of stress on conception but i'm terrified i'm doing this to myself. Making babies is meant to be fun, for us  it's just turned into a living hell. Does anyone else feel like this? or better still has conceived whilst feeling stressed out and anxious?! 

i'm on my third round of clomid now and see my fertlity specialist in about 5 weeks time. Hoping then to be reffered for a laparoscopy for endo. I do suffer with cramps for about half my month so i am wondering if it could be this.

just so fed up and convinced i'm causing myself to be infertile. Trying couneslling/hypno/accupuncture. Nothing seems to help.

sorry for rubbish negative rant, i'm just at my wits end

anyone offer any help/tips/ nice stories?

xx


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## Mrs Billy (Jun 30, 2010)

My  old acupuncturist said to me "if stress had that much of an adverse effect on fertility, women living in war torn places, in poverty, or with high powered jobs etc would never fall pregnant. But they do."  

That said,  I sympathise totally with how you're feeling, I went through entirely the same thing after we'd been ttc about the same length of time as you, and it was compounded by my nhs consultant telling me to "go away and stop thinking about it and it'll happen"   aarrrrggggggghhhhh. The fun and spontaneity completely goes from your sex life and  you spend your entire life on a roller coaster of emotions becuase it's all you want- how can you just switch that off stupid man!   Honestly, the only time I started to feel less stressed about it was when my hubby had to work away for 6months & ttc-ing had to be put on hold. I went a bit bonkers, got drunk a fair few times, ate junk & generally just put it to the back of my mind as there was no point in worrying about  the impossible.  


We're now going through IVF & to be honest, I'm finding that taking control and doing something active about the situation is a lot less stressful than being at the whim of my body- I figured that if there's something amiss, the clinic are more likely to pick up on it & be able to treat it. The side effects are a bit crud at the moment but I have never felt more positive that we WILL get our BFP. A bit of an extreme way to de-stress probably   but in a totally bonkers way   it's helped me.  

I'm not sure my mad ramblings will help you in any way (I'm blaming the drugs ok?) , except for you to know that you are not alone hun  

Amanda x


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Amanda

thank you so much for your response. You don't sound bonkers at all.. things being out of our control is something we are finding hard to cope with. We are at the whim of the NHS (and we all know the waiting times and sometimes the treatment aren't as good as they should be). I just feel like a complete and utter failure. Having babies is what we put on this world to do..so we can't we just do it!  i can't believe your consultant said stop stressing and it willl happen.. that sort of inane comment makes it worse!

very best of luck with your ivf, will keep my fingers crossed for you
x


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## mandimoo (Feb 28, 2011)

That monthly cycle of TTC is such hell.  It starts with your period (which is no fun anyway), moves through to stressing about whether and exactly when you will ovulate, and will you spot the ovulation in time, and trying to seduce DP without offending them, timing things just right, then on to the dreaded 2WW where you are so filled with hope and anticipation just for it to all start again when the witch knocks the door. 

Its not bonkers and of course you know you are not alone.  But being told that doesnt really help does it, its just not possible to block it all out and just relax.  I wonder if you would benefit from learning some relaxation techniques, or a relaxation CD?  My friend gave me a CD "Preparing for Pregnancy by Janey Lee Grace and a guided hypnotherapy session with Glenn Harrold."  I listen to the hypnosis CD when I go to bed.  I still laugh a bit when I hear it because he sounds a bit like some cockney car dealer (Im really selling it huh?!), but Ive listened to the CD a hundred times and only heard the end about 4 times and I am a notoriously bad sleeper so its been a godsend.

The only time I found some respite from it was when I learned that the one tube I had was completely blocked.  How crazy is that?  I went though the grieving for my tube and my chances.  I was upset then angry then depressed and finally it was followed by some sort of relief that I had been freed from that nightmarish cycle.  Mind you, its only been a short respite.  I found out about the blocked tube in August and I am now just about to embark on what will probably be my last ever chance by having IVF (due to my age and to some degree financial constraints).  So I really only had a couple of months respite in the end!


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## Biriyani (Oct 30, 2009)

Hi there,

Just thought I'd let you know that I managed to get a BFP during an ofsted inspection when I had just started a new job...so stress doesn't necessarily rule it  out.  I'm currently looking forward to another night of feeding my DS  every 3 hours, and it is all worth it!


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Morning

ahhhh thank you Biriyani.. that's exactly the sort of story I want to be hearing!  I know there is still a chance that something is physically wrong.. but until i know that i can't help but think that it's my emotions getting in the way.. but how can you not be emotional when it's something you think about 24/7... why are there babies everywhere? particularly when having a bad day after AF has arrived! anyway... massive congrats on the arrival of your little one, it really does give me hope.

Thank you for you cd suggestion mandimoo, will def look into that. Best of luck with your ivf  for you 

xxx


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## Em333 (Nov 16, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

Reading through all of these posts has  helped me. I have been feeling like I have been cracking up for a couple of months. We have been through all the tests, and as you will see from my summary below, I was diagnosed with moderate endo and have had it all removed, but my NHS consultant told me to basically stop thinking about it and it will happen'     If it was that easy I am sure we would all be doing it.

We have been told to keep trying till the new year and then will be referred for IVF, we will have to pay for the first cycle or wait another year as the PCT only pay after 3 years of trying! And I really would be round the twist by then.

GP has just signed me off work for 3 weeks, to try and get some space and get my head around it. Was crying at the drop of a hat and just not able to concentrate or do my job well, so think it is for the best to have a break. Will maybe try and get hold of some of those relaxation CD's.

Looks like you guys have tried acupuncture? Is it helpful, trying it next week and interested in feedback, also how often did you have it. All of this has such a financial impact too!

Congrats Biriyani, thats awesome news. Tis good to know that the stress isn't always a blocker. 

And lexiecat, I ssooooo know what you mean about babies everywhere! It seems there are more than ever, either that or people talking about the changes that happen to your body when your pregnant or after you have had children that went on all through my yoga class this morning! Nightmare....

Sorry stop waffling.

Will be keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.


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## Mrs Billy (Jun 30, 2010)

Em333   your NHS doctor needs shooting, I HATE it that they can be so insensitive. As far as acupuncture goes, it is a relaxing experience but at £40 a week it is quite pricey I think. I stopped it when I found out hubby was going to be away cos there didn't seem much point in continuing. We've now moved away & I did call a local acupuncturist to speak to him about it during my IVF  but I didn't get very good vibes from him during the phone call ( I don't think I'm a psychic or a hippy or anything but there was something about him that I really didn't like) so I haven't bothered and I'm done well so far    without it - there is a lot of evidence that it can help infertility but even without that aspect, it is a good way to relax and not in any way painful - you barely even notice the needles at all. 

Infertility is awful,  it's a constant cycle of hope and grief  driven by an intense need to have a child and only people who've experienced it can ever hope to understand how it feels. The NHS don't seem to view it as a medical condition that can be treated - if they suspected someone had a different medical condition, would a doctor really say "go away and forget about it"? I think not - they'd get sued. I'm not surprised you've had to take some time off work to help you deal with it   

The ladies on here are wonderful and will give you all the emotional support and virtual hugs you need. We all understand how it feels x x


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

It's not just the attitude of the NHS, other people can be so insensitve can't they! I know people mean well when they drop hints about it being 'your turn next' etc etc, but it just makes me feel worse! like theres all this expectation cos we've been married for 2 years. One of the most horrible things i've read was an article from a while back in the local York paper about the funding for IVF drying up ( i could be wrong but I understand if you are under york you don't get any free ivf?) and some horror had put up a post saying something along the lines of "oh well, these women wanting ivf are obviously not destined to be parents, tough shi* basically and we shouldn't be wasting money on them"

oh well.. shall we start telling cancer patients to die of cancer is their destiny?! so sorry, no drugs for you?! it made me feel sick, what a horrible thing to say.

I also had to defriend someone on ******** who put "woo hoo love the nhs..paying me to give up smoking" wtf? she was 6 months preggers at the time

despair...


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## Ella101 (Sep 5, 2011)

I know exactly what you mean lexiecat, that makes me so angry, how could anybody say such a thing about women & ivf! There are so many factors that go into it as well & I have thought the same myself, if ivf isn't a route that we should take then the same stands for any other medical treatments these days!
Life finds a way....

I also have a friend who is pregnant & has no intention of giving up smoking..

Very annoying!


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

At least we've got this site to rant on Ella! Imagine being blessed enough to be carrying a baby and selfish enough to carry on smoking. There is no justice is there  

best of luck with your ivf  
x


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## Em333 (Nov 16, 2011)

Can't believe that about York - lexicat  . How can they get away with that, when I heard on the radio the other day that the NICE guidelines say that all couple should be entitled to 3 courses of IVF on the NHS (not that I think any PCT has achieved that) that is still the recommendation. Yeah right, most places you are lucky to get one! I think they get away with it because they assume that people will find the money because they want it so much and so therefore the NHS can get away without funding it. Wrong, wrong, wrong! 

Very good we have here to moan though as you say!

MrsBilly - good luck for OTD,   for you!!  

to you all. xx


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