# ICSI BFN - Disapointed and Upset



## Saf06 (Sep 20, 2012)

Had our results at the clinic today, failed ICSI cycle. it's been a real emotional roller coaster.  

Had 9 Egg collected, 3 fertilised and 2 split. 2 transfered back ( grade 2 and 3) 3 days after EC.

Have our appointment to see the Dr next week what sort of questions can we ask.

me pcos dh- motility issues

TTC - 5 years
1st Ivf cycle - BFP - 6 year old daughter 
TTC - 5 year
1st ICSI Treatment sept 2012- BFN


----------



## rory2011 (May 31, 2011)

Sorry to hear about your bfn. 
There is a list of questions somewhere on ff to ask after a failed cycle. It's at the top of the negative cycle and inbetween cycles thread. 

Hope your appt goes well xx


----------



## Saf06 (Sep 20, 2012)

Thanks for your post. 

XX


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Really sorry   Failed cycles are such an awful and lonely time. Everyone round you has no idea how to respond or comfort you. All my friends and family seem to think my life is a hollywood film where this magic baby is going to appear and everything will be fine. Which means they see me as impatient rather than thinking seriously about what I am going through. I really hope you have some people round you to look after you. If not try being honest with people about what you need from them so you are not on your own x x 

I had my follow up this  week after my second failed ICSI. 
I asked what the point of failure was? 
How had we progressed from last time in terms of knowledge of me and my partner and how to treat us? 
What would they do differently next time (if anything)? 
Having the information provided by this cycle have any of their views about either of your fertility or chances of success changed? 
Is there any further tests that could provide useful info? 

For me point of failure was implantation - they put back a 4BB blast which is a really good embryo and given I'm 27 really should have taken  
We have progressed because first time we did the long protocol and second time we did the short. I responded much better to the short didn't get OHSS produced a lot more eggs and embryos which lead to better quality day 5 not 3 embryos. 
Next time they would lower my drug levels as I am a fast responder
Nothing has changes for us - my husband has very poor sperm but we have learnt about variance in his samples and what is typical. 
They feel we have good chances of success now they are getting better embryos however 2 failures isn't great news in terms of likelyhood of success. 
Next time they would scrape my uterus lining the month before treatment (looking forward to that I feel my private parts haven't been through enough pain and invasion so glad there's more!!) 
Further tests would be genetic screening on embryos and partners sperm. They don't think that is necessary at this point. 

Sorry to harp on about me just making you aware of the kinds of responses you get because it can be quite upsetting to hear some of the stuff. However it also can be good news. Our cycles showed I was more fertile than tests indicated which is a positive for us because I need to balance out my husband issues by producing loads of eggs etc. 

Good luck hope I've helped x x


----------



## Lauren222 (Jan 24, 2012)

Hi Saf06, I'm not an expert by any means but I felt rotten after the first failed cycle. A kind person on here said that the hormones coming out of your body make it worse. I felt negative, emotional and couldn't understand why it didn't work given they put one top grade and one almost top grade embryo in. They were donor eggs too which have a better chance. The hormones subsided and then I started feeling up for the next go. However strong you are it's very difficult and I've come across lots of women who have been trying for a long time.

So... pamper yourself a bit and consider that's it's only one failed attempt you've had. You have one daughter so you know it works. Maybe you were expecting it to happen first go this time but it can take a few. I was told mine failed due to percentages. The Dr said that humans do not reproduce that easily and that in the BEST CASE SCENARIO (which we both had) it can be a toss of a coin and to keep trying. 

This time I've been taking baby (aspirin), had acupuncture and am intending to eat pineapple cores. Next time I intend to try the embryo scratch. The time after that I'll try intralipids etc. for immune issues. But.... it may work of course. 

I'm only telling my mum and best friend this time. Everyone is asking when I'm having the next transfer etc. I'm telling people it's a continuous process and not focusing on one part. It may help you to confide in one or two people for the time being as other people being disappointed and asking lots of questions may not help although their intentions will be good. People don't ask those trying naturally when they actually had sex for example and whether they've had their period. You need strong and understanding people around you. I felt that I am a strong person but reacted quite badly to the failed attempt. This time I am attempting to be a bit more balanced about it (for a while anyhow!)

I hope this helps.

Gwyneth, I had to laugh about the private parts comment. I was having the transfer and the Dr started talking to me. I looked up and there was his head - not where you'd like it to be ha ha!

x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Gad I made you laugh that was my aim!! We have to find humour where we can. I totally agree about the hormones I respond really badly after a failed cycle and I am renowned for being one of life's toughest cookies - everything else in life I have always battled through and carried of regardless. However what people miss about characters like me is being strong doesn't mean you hurt any less it just means you have a better capacity to carry on as normal. This sometimes needs pointing out to people as I get told - but you're so strong you can cope with it I'd crumble.   

The worst time for me is about 4 weeks after when I get my next period and the reality has sunk in for me . I ignore it and carry on regardless at first. The first time I got signed off work and put on antidepressants. Being off work was what I needed but anti depressants were a really bad idea it was the hormones coming out my system that was making me feel like that and I was then left with another medication to ween myself off. GP's are not our best port of call. 

I also agree that not telling people is better. First time close family (brothers, sisters and parents knew) and so did our closest friends mainly to stop the constant heart brake off people asking me why haven't you two had a baby yet? Second time we told none which for us was a lot easier - we are very private people. However other women find it easier to tell so do what is best for you. x x


----------



## Trix_bell (May 22, 2012)

Hi Ladies,
I got a BFN last weekend after first cycle of ICSI    I know that we are lucky enough to get another 2 goes on the NHS and I am thankful for that but it doesn't make the emptiness I am feeling at the moment any easier to bear.  We were told that due to the fact I only had 2 2day embies to put back we had a 50 50 chance.  I am hoping that they will learn something from this cycle as I only got 7 eggs and only 3 of them matured with 2 fertilising.

I don't know when our next cycle will be I am waiting on the letter from our clinic to give us a follow up appointment with the consultant which I have been told will be about 8 weeks time.  I just   and hope that we don't have to wait too long because in the meantime I am finding it hard to just switch off from wanting to be a Mummy. 

xx


----------



## XandersMom (Dec 3, 2009)

Hi all, I've just had my first failed icsi too   So heartbroken   
The day of my OTD (yesterday) one of my online mummy friends that I've known for 3 years broke the news that she thought she was pregnant as had timed nookie wrong and all the ******** conversation was about that, when she would be testing etc. When I was halfway through my 2WW another friend in the group found she was pregnant and as soon as she got her BFP I knew I wouldn't get mine.
I was that heartbroken that I've had to leave my mummies group, I just can't bear to chat about pregnancy, suspected pregnancy or one other girls new little baby.  I feel bad for feeling like that and deserting them but I need some time to get over this.
I'm quite an impatient person and really want to get going again with tx but can't as I didn't have any embies to freeze so I have to wait now until my ovaries are good to go again. Bearing in mind my cycles are 56 days long and my next af could be delayed because of the tx I am guessing I won't be able to start again for 3 to 6 months and thats also really upsetting.
I think that we are going to use a different clinic next time, my Dr had me on low dose drugs as she thought I would respond really quickly having PCOS. I didn't respond at all the first week and then the second week the follies grew really quickly! I still think that I should have been allowed to stimm for a few days more because on my last scan I only had 2 follicles over 18mm. the smallest one was 10mm. Out of 12 follies they got 10 eggs and I was told 4 were no good - I need to ask if this means immature eggs or poor quality. Out of the 6 left only 3 were injectable. Out of the 3 only 2 sowed signs of fertilisation. I had a 2 day transfer and was told that the eggs which had been fertilised 24 hours prior (due to having to thaw a second batch of sperm because the first was no good), had still only shown signs of fertilisation and that they would do better back inside me. I nicknamed them my little duds!!! I honestly think that they didn't really have a chance at implantation due to taking over 24 hours to fertilise and not even dividing. I'm guessing I went through the 2WW for nothing but at 5 days past the transfer I knew it hadn't worked, call it women's intuition!   
I'm normally really strong but today can't stop crying and am thinking about starting antidepressants but reading one of your comments above has made me think thats not a good idea right now.
I'm so sorry for all your BFNs, lets hope we can all return to sanity soon 
Good luck for all your new cycles        
hugs x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi Hun, 

You have to do what is right for you. I am so sorry about your failed treatment. Nothing makes this easy - I also have no friends that aren't pregnant or recently giving birth and it is so hard. You just need to hold your little boy and he will help to make  the pain just about bareable for you. Don't feel guilty I currently have 3 friends that have been really good friends for over 10 years that I'm having no contact with. The way I look at it now is they are happy and I am miserable. My misery doesn't affect their happiness but their happiness does make my pain worse. So for me this means I don't need to feel bad about cutting them out for a while. This will be my fourth childless Xmas and I'm naturally a people pleaser  so this isn't natural for me but when you've been on this journey that long you have to put yourself first to survive. That is what this life is about surviving and keeping going long enough for something to work. 

What I'm saying is forget everyone else they go back and close the door on their happy family life and forget people in our position exist put yourself first. I've said to people I'll see you if I feel strong enough I won't if I don't. My sister is also  pregnant with her second so all my coping is used up staying in contact with her (however I still needed a few weeks break from her when she first told me.) 

On the antidepressants line - you can't take alot of them if you are trying to get pregnant. For me they just made me numb - which bought me a few weeks and helped initially but I realised that I needed to face life and feel things again. However other women sware by them and say it's the best thing they ever did. Also I knew I was going to do another round of treatment and didn't want the risk of being on them. My other work of warning is that when I came off them (phased to be safe) I felt awful - pounding headaches, exhaustion and nausea. I would never go on them again as I couldn't face weening myself off them again. That said I have what was left of my prescription in a draw just incase.  

I hope this has helped in some way x x


----------



## XandersMom (Dec 3, 2009)

thanks Gwyneth, I'm glad Im not the only one who has pulled away from friends. I suppose if they are good friends they will understand we need space and will welcome us back when we are ready 
I have been on anti-deps before and have been ok with them, I generally take them for a few months, start to feel better and wean myself off them slowly over 3 weeks.  I haven't needed them for a year and a half now. I know you can't be on them with treatment which is why I came of them as we had started TTC naturally. I have really long cycles lasting 56 days plus. So am thinking it may be better for me to go back on them this cycle and then when I have next af come off them so they have another 56 days to get out of my system ready for our next try at IVF.
Can't believe how exhausted I feel after all this treatment   It really does take it out of you!
Hugs x x


----------

