# advice for unique case please...



## emmafreckles (Jun 8, 2009)

Hi, I've just posted this on the general board, but was advised this might be a better place, so here goes...

I am a 31 year old single woman with aspergers syndrome.  I have never had a sexual relationship with anyone, and probably never will, but I really want children so have been looking into IUI as possibly my only chance.  I have found this site and hope that someone can give me some advice.

Everywhere I look it says that clinics only give IUI treatment to couples, so am wondering if I will not get the chance.  Also, given my 'disability' (I use the term lightly as I do not see aspergers as a disability) I am not sure clinics will give me a fair chance.

I know it's highly unlikely anyone out there is in the same situation, but was wondering people's thoughts on this?

Thank you in advance for your help.


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Hi Emma and welcome!!!
There are a few clinics in the UK who do treat us singlies - IUI/IVF/ICSI - where abouts are you?  I know when I first started out I rang and emailed all the clinics in the area to see if they'd treat me.  My GP gave me a referral for the one in Plymouth I was with.  Have you spoken to your GP  If they are approachable that might be a good starting point.  
Hope that helps - am sure someone else will be along soon honey to give there advice too.
Take care mini x


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Hi Emmafreckles, I'm glad you've found us on the singles board, where I hope you find lots of encouragement and good sources of information.   

First off, IUI is available to single women in clinics throughout the UK, so not being part of a couple does not rule out this treatment for you.    We have a thread dedicated to single women undergoing IUI on this board, so you should find out quite a bit by reading through this.  I fell pregnant with my son using IUI while presenting as a single woman as did a number of the others posting on the bumps and babes thread, so this should give you comfort that the treatment is available to you as a single woman.  

Regarding aspergers syndrome and whether this would count against you if you presented yourself for treatment at a clinic is less clear to me.  You can self refer to private clinics for treatment (so no need to go to your GP if you prefer not to), and since the law chances in 2005, single women have not had to undergo counselling / review for ethics committees before having straightforward fertility treatment.  I do not know how "obviously" you present with aspergers, and therefore I don't know if you could get away with simply not saying.  It may be that before a clinic would treat you, they would want an assessment done by a counsellor to ensure that the welfare of any resulting child would be assured, and that you as a single parent had a strong enough support network of family and friends to call upon as and when you wanted or needed to.  A resource you might want to contact before going further is the donor conception network, as the people there may have come across similar situations or have a better understanding of how British clinics would approach matters - at least you would be fully armed with information before you approach a clinic of choice.  

Good luck with your investigations, and feel free to post wherever you feel comfortable on the singles boards.

A-Mx


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi emma

just wanted to say hello!  I think Inde & mini have given some good advice but feel free to ask any questions...people on here know ALOT  

xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Emma and welcome,

Just to confirm Mini and Inde's comments  you will not be prevented from having IUI (or indeed IVF) because you are single. Majority of UK clinics now routinely treat single women. Some have longer waiting lists for sperm than others, so it does pay to call around and check on this before making initial appointments with clinics. 

I had my initial IUIs at London Womens Clinic - I had to have one session with the counsellor prior to commencing treatment - this was to ensure that I had thought through all the implications and that the 'Welfare of the Child' was taken into account. I found this more of a formality than anything else (I'd done a LOT of thinking about things before going ahead and was very clear about my decision and my support network etc)

Personally I see no reason why Aspergers should exclude you from becoming a mum - I'm sure you wouldn't even be thinking of going ahead if you didn't think you could cope/be a good parent. Inde's suggestion to contact the DCN is a good one to see if they can offer any further advice/guidance re this aspect of your treatment

Wishing you lots of luck,
Suitcase
x


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## Klingon Princess (May 10, 2007)

Just wanted to comment that I have a very good friend with Asperger's syndrome.  He's still a bit young, but when the time comes I think he'll make a fantastic father and its highly likely we will ask him to be godparent if we ever get lucky enough to succeed in treatment.

Knowing what I do about him, I have no reason to think that you would be any different and I'm sure you'll be a great mum.  As the girls have said, lots of single women have treatment and succeed.  I wish you good luck and pray you get your dream.

love

Kehlan


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Hi Emmafreckles and welcome ...

As the others have said, treatment for single women is not an issue (if you have funds to go privately that is as trusts dont fund single women   ) ... 

Is there any association or support group for anyone with Aspergers that can help with information on the parenting side of things?  Talking to others who have parented and how (if at all ) they are affected can only help you to strengthen your understanding of things and may help you present your case at any counselling session at any clinic you may use.  (as far as I understand everyone has to undergo one counselling session at least in which they are helped to think about how they will cope with treatment)..

I wish you all the very best.


Maya


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Emma

Just to echo what the others have said, I can see no reason why you shouldn't be able to get IUI treatment.  The majority of clinics do now seem to treat single women - very few of us have had problems on that score.  Your Aspergers is unlikely to be an issue, unless: your GP is unwilling to refer you for treatment (although many clinics do not even require a GP referral) or the clinic counsellor has any concerns about your suitability for treatment (anyone using donor gametes has to have a counselling appointment with a specialist counsellor - this is an HFEA requirement).  One of the things the counsellor is likely to ask about is how you will provide male role models for your child, so this would be something to give some thought to.  

Wishing you all the very best

Some1

xx


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Hi Emma,

Welcome to FF - glad you found us  

It may well be worth asking your GP - I went down that route for initial tests etc, if you have a good relationship with them certainly worth asking .... as others have said if it doesn't work out you don't actually need them to refer you.  My GP has been great but realise not everyone is so lucky.

Good luck!
Jovi x


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## Roo67 (Feb 12, 2007)

Hiya and welcome,

Nothing to add to what the others have said really. 


r x


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi Emma, just wanted to welcome you to the group  . I can't really add anything to what the others have already said, just good luck 

Lou-Ann x


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