# Mothers Day



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Its something we can't get away from, and every year since my mum passed away its been a double whammy for me   and I miss my mum like crazy on days like today, and of course, I miss what could have been.

So today we are going to see my MIL (yikes/yuck/puke)!   and we'll have to sit and listen to her droning on and on about her wonderful grandchildren whom we don't have any contact with because their parents (DH's brother and his wife) have a hang up about our IF and childless (actually, I quite like the words child free that I've seen on another thread here) life. I have to admit, the kids are spoilt rotten and little tearaways, and at times I do feel quite sorry for MIL as she looks after them all the time, but not too sorry if you get my drift  

So lovely ladies, I am going to make sure I look my best (partly because I know she will be analysing everything we say or do to relay to the rest of the family) and go on and on and on about our lovely summer holiday we are going to have this year for 2 weeks of pure, unadulterated relaxing BLISS   Then we will come home and have dinner at our leisure, at whatever time suits us best.  

Ho hum, families - what a parlarva... and mum, if you're looking down on me, know that I will give my moomin MIL as good as she dishes out! LOL! 

Hope the day passes gently for you all out there
Lots of love
Emcee xxxxxxxxx


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Emcee

Good luck with your MIL today. It must be really upsetting for you about your DH's brother and wife. Words fail me.

This morning driving into town, it was actually a great experience, because the roads and town were quite empty as most people have gone to their mothers for the day. The only bad thing was having to turn off the radio because I couldn't listen to another mother's day announcement without feeling a failure because I'll never be a mother. 

My MIL is coming around later for tea and cake, and it will be an okay experience, because she's actually quite nice. And, she never, ever nags about grandkids. It helps that DH's brother and wife are 13 years older than us and have never had kids, due to complications, so maybe they think we're going through the same. Plus MIL had 3 miscarriages before DH arrived. 

How is everyone else coping with today?

Love
Katherine


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

and  for today


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there ladies

So far so good for me, but as I type this I can see my MIL is ringing (bless the person who invented the caller display) because dh (only child) must be running 10 seconds late in his promise to pick her up at 16.05 to bring her over for supper - I've just let it go to answerphone and what a lovely sensation it was.

I'm sorry to read that your sense of loss is twofold today emcee.  Hold your head up high, look fab, sock it to your MIL and then toast your Ma over dinner when you get home.

Glad to hear you've managed to bag one of the few MILs on the face of the planet who doesn't go on about grandchildren Katherine - well done you!  Keep that radio turned off for the rest of the day.

I'm sort of looking forward to have my MIL over for dinner as she is sharing mothers day with our 18th wedding anniversary (she refers to our wedding day as "the ides of March" - charming eh?).  We've opened the book, I reckon it'll take her 15-20 minutes to reference our child-less (rapidly becoming child-free) status means there are no mothers day cards on the mantle but hubby thinks she'll break her all time record and nail it in under 10.   Can't wait!!

Have a good evening ladies


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## perkyone (Dec 8, 2005)

Hi everyone,

Mother's day  just another reminder of we don't have.  I hate the family get togethers at tea time, with me usually doing the catering as I am the one who isn't a mother and would have enough time.

This year is different though, my brother in law suggested a weekend away to me and dh so we have just come back from Warwick after after having a lovely relaxing - forgetting weekend. .  It has done me the world of good.  Apart from reminders of mothers days lunches outside every pub we passed on route!

My mum lives away and we ordered flowers before we went and MIL is also away as it their wedding anniversary.  We are just entertaining Nan this evening and thought we would go out for an indian - probably no children there .

After my last week of tears every day to get away from it all just for a couple of days was the best thing to do.  I have just got to get myself back to work tomorrow and back into a routine or I really will go  .

I have posted in various threads and would like to say what a great site this is.  Everyone really understands as we have all been through it.

 to everyone

Perkyone


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi girls,

I hope you are all coping OK today.  I would just like to give you all a glimmer of hope ..... in a weird way.

This time last year I had just had my M/C after my 3rd IVF and spent all of mother's day in tears with a big bottle of wine.  I thought I would never cope with anothers mothers day as long as I lived.

Today, I didnt even think about it.  dont get me wrong, of course I have bad days and always will.  but I feel quite good knowing that as the year has passed, it has obviously strengthened me a little.

I am thinking mother's day, like Christmas is more about commercial greediness nowadays than anything else.  We can be good to our Mums any day!!!  

And also, most people only moan about having to go and see (and be nice) to the "mother in law" anyway - so what's to celebrate?!!

Bah-humbug!!  (But it helps)

.... We may not have the family but we have each other.  xx
Love to all gill xoo

PS.  Emcee - Hope you are feeling strong and happy about looking gorgeous (with NO stretchmarks) and making everyone jealous of your lovely holiday.!!!


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## Smurfs (Oct 19, 2004)

Hi girls

I cut myself off this year, delivered cards and flowers yesterday so today was our day.

I had a little wobble earlier on and said to my DH, this would have been my first mothers day   

Still, we have had a lovely day, stopped in and had a nice dinner and just spent some quality time together  

Love to you all

Shaz xxx


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Emcee - I can totally sypathise with you about the "yikes/yuck/puke" feelings regarding your MIL.  I'm fairly lucky now that my DF's mother is only 9 years older than me and relatively easy to get on with (even if she can be a bit two-faced and is a bit "dotty" - likes talking to spirits and whatnot), but DF's grandmother is an absolute  and has vowed never to meet me, nor shall I ever darken her door as long as she has breath in her body.  This is because I am 10 years 9 months OLDER than her grandson.  She misses no chance to run me down to my DF although she has never even met or spoken to me.   As far as she can see, I am Satan in a woman's form.   If I go to work I'm not a good housewife and I'm selfish.  If I don't go to work I'm lazy and we'll end up in financial ruin.  If I get pg I'm using her poor 23 year old grandson to achieve my sordid aims.  If I can't get pg her poor grandson is stuck with an OLD infertile woman (this old witch is in her 80's and she has the cheek to call me old?!) who can never make him a father.  I can't win.

Ex-hubby's mother was a dragon of the fire breathing kind as well (although not as bad as DF's grandmother) so I was glad to get out of that.

I have trouble with my own mother, due to her complete inability to "be there for me" in any way whatsoever and her tendency to say things that are actually quite hurtful (even if she doesn't mean them).   she expects everybody to be a saint and is constantly accusing me of "bitterness" and jealousy" over my IF and telling me not to burden her with it - its not fair blah de blah.   I love my mum and I know she loves me but I have to get rid of the idea that she is ever going to be the caring, considerate, sympathetic, shoulder to cry on mother I have always wanted.  My DF keeps telling me this and I just can't get to grips with it, even after 34 years of knowing her!


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Girls
After reading all through the posts i am quite surprised how many of us have difficult mothers, MIL and grandmothers? it makes you wonder about all this hipe for Mother's Day and it isn't such a loving day for everyone....its a bit of a chore in some respects!!!? 
Well Emcee i am sure that this was a difficult day for you, concerning the loss of your mum....on the other  hand you seem to be in control over the situation with MIL...go for it girl.....you keep your head up high and do not go down to anyones level....I am so glad Gill you feel better this year, i cannot believe its been a year..you have done so well......
Boy Lady Moonlight, you have alot on your plate...you sound as if you have a very positive relationship with your partner......thats all that matters....its sounds to me that his family would probably give any girlfriend a hard time....You sound a breath of freshair for him....As far as your own mum is concerned i do understand, we always want what they cannot provide and sometimes all that is, is reassurance...
SHaz and Perkyone i hope you are feeling better now today is drawing to a close....well done for taking some sort of charge of it..
Flipper - i cannot help it, you always make me laugh....congratulations with the Anniversary (18yrs) i was surprised i made more than 18months...
Well my Special occassions are always marked with me working. It doesn't matter if it is Christmas, Mothers Day or Easter i get to work all of these days,....i suppose you can guess why? 
So after clearing up puke, poo, wee and sputum, you kinda forget what sort of cheery day it is. It actually takes my mind off things and puts me off my food....no actually nothing does....
The good thing today is we were both chatting and we have decided to save up and buy a car next year . Seating only for two. We are going to cruise through the villages, stop off the pub for a lemonade (guess who will be driving and i won't mind for once). With Meg my little dog catching her hair in the wind.!!!   . So a good day for me, looking forward to feeling young again and free...
Take care
love astridxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

p.s
my 92 year old neightbour, who is also childless bought me some flowers and wished me a happy day.....
how sweet...!!!!
love astridxx


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

astrid said:


> p.s
> my 92 year old neightbour, who is also childless bought me some flowers and wished me a happy day.....
> how sweet...!!!!
> love astridxx


Thats so lovely! I asked my DF for a mothers' day card from the dogs, but as we had to have one put to sleep this week and he's been a bit busy he never got round to buying one


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Moonlight
i am sorry about your dog being put to sleep. Maybe your partner was a bit cut up about it too and couldn't face buying a card. I would be devastated.....I love my dog so much!!!!I feel like i am a mum to a furry daughter!!!
love astridxx


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

We all survived to fight another day!


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi girls. I survived ok. We actually went out on fri nite - my mum,sister and stepdaughter. It was better than seeing all the young families on the Sunday.My stepdaughter had to see her birth mother on sunday(she goes every sun so it wasnt a big deal really). 

Last year however i was waiting to test after iui   and i knew it would be neg as we had a disaster at the clinic. I waited to test til the Monday and it was a neg.I feel a bit better this year tho 

However we found ourselves free on sat night as sd was going to a party round the corner and we went to golf club for a drink. She then phoned to see if she could sleep over so we had a few more drinks   and i ended up a bit mad about something silly!!! Threw a fridge magnet at dh!! Of course missed! Felt bad after as he had got me flowers etc.  

Just went to my mums yesterday- brother and sister there too. They arent married or have kids yet so it was ok. I feel so sad for those of you who have sadly lost their mum as well. hope you all survived the day xxxx


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

Irisheyes - a fridge magnet!   
Wasn't there a frying pan to hand   

Sounds like it was a good weekend all in all though.

Deb


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

I bought myself a lovely mother's day bouquet, rang my mum and chatted for 2 whole hours and cooked a delicious Sunday lunch. After that we went out and did a bit of gardening and had a great big bonfire, then had a rhubarb crumble and watched 'Planet Earth' - anyone see it? The caves with the cockroaches in was where I've just been as part of my holiday in Malaysia. Gross!


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Lucy
Your day sounded good and positive....i love the idea that you bought some flowers for yourself....
Ummm rhubarb crumble....any room at the table next time you are cooking! I love crumble.!!!!!
Wow the cochroaches, i did see a snippet on the T.V, but i was at work at the time...How amazing!! It sounds as if you had a great holiday!!!
Love Astridxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hey Girls
My dh and i were talking about Mothers day and he said something that was so profound....
He said that we have all tried so hard to become Mothers!!! We have tried even harder than most people to be a Mother and that is something to feel positive about!!
I thought that is so true!
Love Astridxxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Astrid, 

You are so lucky to have such a thoughtful, sensitive hubby!  He's a wee sweetie.  

I am feeling a wee bit disappointed and confused at myself, regarding my best friend and i dont know if i'm probably just being over-sensitive AGAIN!  (Yes I probably am actually .....)

Anyway, I called her on Monday as we hadnt spoken for a while and she started to tell me about what a rotten mother's day she'd had - no-one in the house (DH) did anything for her, (2 kids 5 and 18 mths and a hubby) she got a present and stuff but she just felt they weren't really bothering about it.  As I'm sure you will all understand, I just went very quiet like "take the hint" but it didnt work.  She kept going on about how rotten it was and what her plans will be for Mothers Day next year and how she definitely wouldnt be doing any house work next year, her and her sister and their kids would be going out for lunch etc etc etc.  I felt really hurt that it didnt even cross her mind to think about my position.  Is that selfish and stupid??

Is IF REALLY all that difficult to try and empathise with?  I wonder how I would have felt had the roles been reversed ......

I suppose its such a HUGE thing to me, I forget that no-one else could possibly understand, but sometimes, I am taken aback by the complete lack of understanding.  i dont understand what;s so difficult to try and imagine - I'm sure they could easily imagine life without their children and no hope of ever having any??  Maybe not.

Anyway, sorry for the slight ramble here......
Love to all
Gill xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Gill
I can really understand where you are coming from and please this is the best place to say what you feel.
I often wonder why friends/family/ acquaintancies cannot understand things from our point of view. We are not really asking for much but maybe alittle understanding. As you say if they imagined a life without their children, then maybe that would stir some emotion for us going through IF.
I am not sure if people can totally understand things that are alien to them and so its not always acknowledged...
It seems as if your friend is in her own little world and thats what is important to her. She felt left down by the ones she cared about and that was it for her.!!! But as a friend it comes as a two way friendship and after ranting and raving, did she give you any thought to the way you were feeling? If not, then is this  relationship important to you, or can you distance yourself, as she obviously hurt you??
I am making some judgment here, but i don't think true friends ignore your feelings. I think they try to  understand your issues, the best they can..If they don't then are they really worth it, or are they more of an acquaintance?
I was saying to Paul on sunday, do you think anyone really gave us a thought about what day it is? and we both come to the agreement, maybe a few people but not many. Thats the reality of it all!!!!
Boy its one upward and downward battle this IF...
take care Gill
love astridxx


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