# What ages?



## Echo (Feb 3, 2014)

What age range has everyone said they'll consider? Just wondering really! Obviously lots start out saying as young as possible..but it gets stretched due to the reality of the process and the children out there.


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

When we went to panel first time we had said 0-5. The panel chair actually reduced it to 0-4 because of my age.
Don't get too hung up on ages as it is only a guide. Say you stated 0-2 and were matched with a 3 year old you would just have to cover why its a good match even though the lo is a bit older. It also happens the other way and people are matched to children younger than first thought.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

We went into it saying we wanted 3 - 7.  Through the process SW and referees convinced us to go for pre-school age, and we were matched with a 2 year old.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We wanted 1-2 children aged 0-4 but got convinced to go for 1 child. Approved at panel for 1 child 0-4 and got a 10mth old.


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

when we started the process, we were told we'd wait ages for a healthy white baby so were looking at 0-4. two years later we were told there were lots of babies in care so were advised to go for 0-2. our boy was 13 months when we met him.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

We went from 2 kids aged 2-8 to one kid aged 2-5, and we were matched with a 3yr old (she will be 4 in a fortnight).


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## Echo (Feb 3, 2014)

Thanks everyone very interesting


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

We said two kids, thinking realistically we'd have a 2&3 year old sibling group (ish). Our SW talked us down to one child as young as possible. We were matched with our daughter and she was 11 months old by the time we brought her home. BM was pregnant at the time and we went back to panel to be approved for a second child, our son came home aged 5 months. So we did indeed get the sibling group we had hoped for at very young ages in adoption terms.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

We were 1 child 0-2 but our sw said not to get hung p on ages because she knew we wanted a littlie. We were matched with a 5 month old who was 8 months old by the time we brought him home.


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

We go to panel shortly to be approved for 2 age range 2 years 8 months to 7 years! We'll see what the panel decide!


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

We have no idea! We said 0-2 but are now thinking of 2 0-4 maybe!


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

We were (are?) 0-9 years, with a preference for the older part of the range. But now we moving forward with concurrency so will likely end up with a child from 0-4 months. All I can say is be flexible and consider what you can parent. I very much think we will eventually adopt a 9 year old; it just might not happen for at least another decade!


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## Treaco (Mar 10, 2005)

We have a 7yr old bs and go to panel in May hopefully for approval for a girl up to 2 1/2.xx


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

We said ideally as young as possible but being realistic we said 0-4yrs when our PAR was done our SW had put she thought we should be recommended for 0-2yrs (I think she had a LO in mind) we were then linked to a LO when he was 7months......he is now asleep upstairs aged 11months xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

I would strongly recommend that you ask for what you really want in age range, even if it restricts your number of matches.  You can always change your mind later on!  If I was being assessed for the first time now I would be looking at no more than 10 months, and with no time in birth home, because that really is possible now.  

We were looking at one child where another was very likely (on the way), or two children.  We said under 18 months for one child, and if we took two oldest under three and youngest under eighteen months.  At the time I felt like 18 months was a baby.  I have an 18 month old now (second child I had placed who was 10 months at the time) and he really is a baby.  My daughter was placed at 19 months, having spent 7 months in the birth home, and almost a year in foster care.  At 19 months she was big, strong, and fiercely independent about everything.  Although her emotional development was and is delayed, she definitely would not allow me to "baby" her in any sense of the word.

As well as age, I would also be considering where they'd been for their short lives.  A child at 18 months old who's always been in foster care is likely to have many fewer problems than a child at 18 months who has spent some time in the birth home.  People really do underestimate the amount of long term damage that can be done to a child who is neglected and suffers trauma in the first few months of life.

All the best whatever you decide,

Wyxie xx


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## Echo (Feb 3, 2014)

Thank you that's great advice.


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## Tillywhitt (Feb 19, 2014)

I originally said any age from 2 -10 but my sw told me that that was too broad a range. I then thought 2 - 7 but again she felt the same. We agreed on 2 - 4 and I go to matching panel in 31/2 weeks for a 3 year old. It's a huge decision but it is possible to be flexible, you'll get a better idea when you start looking at profiles. Xx


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Hiya, were due to go to approval panel beg of April, been delayed twice... grrr, however we have asked for as young as possible but have been advised that unlikely to be under 12mths, more likely 18mths, which please don't get me wrong is absolutely fabulous, but I am reading more and more young ones being placed at literally 7mths upwards so why would we be repeatedly told they don't have any :-( I guess its just areas etc isn't it?  I'm adopted myself and was adopted at 13mths so really want a child to feel like its ours like I did with my mum & dad, hence the younger age, happy to take the risk of the 'what if's' and love our child for whatever comes with it x


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Hi   Our SW told us not to get too hung up on ages as some others have said. We have been told once we are approved at panel then we are approved for any age, single or sibling group. Panel can make recommendations but that is all it is. 

If you know what you want then say, bit if you have an open mind then that's ok too.  We know we would like an 18-24 month old blue so our PAR will be geared towards that age range. We started off thinking under 3 & it's gradually been reduced the more we have read & interacted with LO's. But we don't have a LO yet so it could still change


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Waiting patiently, we too were told we would have a long wait for a littlie as young as possible and we were prepared to do this. We also stated we wanted a lo who was in care from birth.  I think in some areas the reasons for this are genuine. I think other times it can be your sw preparing you for the worst. Despite being told we would have a wait we heard about our little man the day after approval panel and our sw had known about him for approx a month before that ( he was out of county and alot of the prep had been done behind the scenes) 

After we were linked we had an issue and we nearly lost him. During this time our sw had another half a dozen or so profiles that she wanted us to consider - all around 6 months. Done forget that you aren't restricted to your area alone, with consortiums/registers etc lo can be accessed from far and wide. 

Good luck all


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Thanks Flash123 and Wyxie very good advice, 

I feel guilty and even slightly scared to request what we really woul d like in terms of age as it feels like were constantly told of how damaged etc the available children are and that we wont get young ones so were wrong to think we will, seeing SW on Monday and really want to be honest but worried it makes us look unwilling and she will put us on the back burner when it comes to matching etc, you kind of feel like in this position you should be grateful for any child, which of course we would be in reality


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Waiting, i know you feel you need to be greatful for anything but the reality is that this is the biggest thing you will ever do in your life and it HAS to be right. You owe that to yourselves and most importantly to your lo. It is hard enough anyway so I think you have to be 100% honest and truthful in what you want and what you feel, realistically, you can cope with. Saying that, there are plenty of people on here that were found by their lo's. on paper they didn't 'fit their criteria' but they were meant to be together and have made simply wonderful forever families. 

Good luck x


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Thanks Flash, Im not worried about coping as such, funnily enough I know I can do that bit, have worked for years with extra needs and disabilities etc but its that tiny bit of feeling why shouldn't we be like any other parents and wish for our child to be ok, will deffo take your advice and pick up on this when we see her Monday so were on the same wavelength when child finding


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