# Age gap between prospective siblings...



## Autumn Jade (Aug 29, 2010)

Hi All, 

We have just been approved to adopt (yeay!) and have been sent info on a couple of sets of siblings that look lovely (we're looking to adopt two), but then our S/W called to say a s/w had contacted her about a 13 month old and an unborn due in the next few weeks and would we be interested... It's *really* thrown me and I'm looking for any advice/ experience  
So, my concerns are as follows(!): firstly, ok, so, it's two babies! two! How do you manage that?? How do you ever get them to sleep at the same time? get them out the house at the same time? feed? It's just so far out of my ball park! I work in a pre-school and am an Early Years professional, but I know toddlers the most, not newborn- this feels so different! Has anyone got experience of this, has been through twins maybe, and come out well the other side? Do you need a double buggy? Wow, it's so much to consider... I know when they get a bit older it will be fab, but...  through all the prep & assessment, I've got really used to the idea of not having a baby, it was so drilled into us that it just never happens that I've completely got into the thought of having, say, 2-4 yr olds. Now the idea of a baby seems really super scary! I used to really want one, we did IVF and I was devastated I'd never have those early months/ years, but have I got over that now or would it come back if we had them? The last thing is my OH is super thrilled. I've never seen him this excited- he was even looking at cots yesterday. It's just not him! I've pretty much dragged him through the whole process knowing he'd be a fab Dad once the kiddies arrive, but how can I let him down when he shone like that?? Just cause I'm scared of the work and don't feel the love just yet? Then I feel guilty and think I should say no so someone else who feels the love can have this amazing opportunity, but then there's my OH! Eeeshk! Help please!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

just a  thought.(.this is near enough the scenario we were approached with)..the newborn will not likely be relased for adoption for quite a while..although it will removed at birth it will take some time to get a placement order for him/her. so you may be placed with the first child and then the 2nd will follow later. unless neither have placement order currently and they intend waiting until both can be placed together...
as far for having 2 small ones..it sounds like you have plenty of experience under your belt, as i did ( I am NNEB trained) you will cope, you just will. its bonkers hard work (mine were 18 months apart) but soooo much fun! yes you'll need a double buggy (am selling my phil and teds..need it?!!) i managed to get mine to nap together..it wasnt too hard...getting out of the house is difficult but you just learn ways of managing it...for me it was strapping  them in their carseats and putting on music while i rushed about inside and got the last of the stuff together!
you dont 'feel the love' straight away, it takes time..you're just panicked at the mo, just breathe and get used to the idea...it takes a while for the reality to set in...
how lovely your dh has been smitten, mine was the same and it brings tears to my eyes just remembering seeing him hold our bubbas like a pro and looking so proud  

good luck with it all

kj x


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

Ours are 12 months apart placed at 11 months and 23 months old so a bit older than what you saying but still enough of a handful x 2!  I would def recommend just one word: ROUTINE! if you get a routine in placei n the beginning it will not only help them but help you also to keep on track with things. Also yes, get them to nap at the same time - it will save your sanity and give you a chance to recharge batteries with sleep, tea, biscuits etc. Yes its hard work but you will get used to it and you will cope.....any adoption is like being thrown in the deep end but never more so than with more than one baby/toddler...but my God, its worth it!!  Don't panic.....you will be fine. Put it this way - we are now considering number 3 and we wouldnt be doing that if it was really all that bad! 

p.s. you will need a double buggy btw. I was just looking like I could get rid of mine but having to hold on to it for a bit now....no they aren't great, you will obsess over the width of shop doorways forever more, but you will need it and it makes like easier when you've got them both strapped in! plus its good exercise pushing 2 munchkins up hill! lol

*not to now


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Iman, did you mean you ARE considering no.3 ot not..bit confused with your wording..i know you mentioned there was a no.3 but just wanted to know whether to say ooh exciting you are going for him/her... or not  

kj x


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

lol keemjay.....well its kind of 'watch this space' at the moment....Trying to sort a few things out to make it possible as its all happened a bit sooner than we expected. However provided everything goes to plan then yes there will be a no3 joining us!!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

wow great news..now go back to your post and edit 'not' to 'now'..it'll make much more sense  

kj x


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## Autumn Jade (Aug 29, 2010)

Hi Keemjay, thank you for such a lovely response, although I didn't have chance to reply earlier, it really calmed me down, thank you! I think you're right with the separate placing too, the eldest has all his court orders straight but the youngest still hasn't had anything decided so we're going to give it a few weeks before deciding. It's lovely to hear about the fun too, everyone keeps saying how difficult it'll be, it's good to remember there will be laughs too  
Hi Iman, thank you too for your reply, I'm a big fan of routine and am relieved to hear you can get a baby & toddler on the same one! Congrats on your number three, tbc! Am now quite biased in favour of two littlies, the double buggy weight loss plan sealed the deal!


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