# What would you do?



## mac74 (Dec 5, 2010)

Hi fellow forty somethings!!

I would love some advice please.  I've been a member of this forum and it's been a huge source of help for me.  I'm finally an active member and I'm a bit nervous. I am 41 (just turned) and I don't know whether to use my own eggs for one last ivf or use donor eggs. I haven't got unexplained fertility but have blocked tubes and subsequently had a tubal ligation. I got pregnant first round of ivf but lost my darling boy at 36 weeks (no postmortem result given).  Against advice I continued on with my next round of IVF a year later and miraculously gave birth to my son who is now 2. I then used frozen eggs left over from my first round which resulted in a 5 aa hatching blast (blighted ovum At 7 weeks) and then two 4aa frozen blasts which didn't take.  
I was then found to have high killer cells and thrombophilia. 
I was advised by my doctor to give my own eggs one last try as my AMH is 3 but AFC is 14 and I've always had good response to ivf. I feel that it's all very well for the docs to recommend that I do my own eggs but they don't know the pain of a miscarriage or sitting in the bathroom with a negative pregnancy test in your hand. Girls, I know you know what I mean. They don't call, they don't write 😜😜.  Seriously though, it feels like an experiment to them. It's our lives. I feel donor eggs would be a less painful option. Although I worry the child would be affected later on. That's the last thing I want. What should I do?


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Mac,
Sorry to see you've had such a horrible loss from your first IVF. Brilliant that you've since managed to conceive and get a sibling for your angel baby. As someone currently pg after several early MC I can only begin to imagine how hard that second pregnancy was for you.

As for what now. You've a fairly similar dilemma to the one I was faced with two years ago, age 42. I was getting top grade blasts and yet either BFN or when joy came along it was taken from me not long after. My clinic were happy for me to carry on with my OE and were hopeful that it was just a question of getting the right embryo. However they also were aware that finances and emotions were running on empty so talked me through the advantages of DE. It was so hard to know what to do. No one was telling me that my OE wouldn't work so that was one option - albeit with about 15% chance of a BFP and then close to a 50% chance of MC. We'd taken those odds for three cycles already and got pregnant on one of them so perhaps the next time we could beat both sets of odds? Our other option was to try DE - pretty much 50% chance of BFP and only 15% chance of MC.
Looking at the numbers the choice seemed obvious and were I not in possession of feelings would have switched in minutes. It took us around 6 months and a counselling session about DE to make the decision.
For us DE became the right choice. We planned that this was going to be our last cycle and felt that we needed to maximise our chances of a take home baby. I grappled and grappled with the implications of it being DE not OE but for me I realised I wanted that better chance.
In my case it has paid off - though not first "final" cycle! Each time once the phone rang & the embrologist told us how many embryos we had I felt exactly the same emotions as I did when my own eggs were involved. The 2ww was no shorter! The only real change came once I got a BFP and went for my first scan. Knowing the eggs had come from a much younger lady I lay down on the scanning bed with hope rather than fear.

What was right for me is not going to be right for everyone. But hopefully sharing my experience will help in small way. There's loads of threads on the "donor egg" forum with ladies in similar dilemma. (go back a couple of years & you'll see I wrote pretty much a novel with my thoughts & fears!!!)

Hope you find a way forward that feels right for you and that it leads to another joyous event


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## mac74 (Dec 5, 2010)

Thank you so much for your reply fififi, you sound exactly like me. I feel even more inspired to go ahead with my decision. When you said you lay down with hope with much younger eggs, I can totally identify. The worry is gone. I'd love to speak to you morevabout this if you're available xx


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

More than happy to chat. My way of coping with the cr*p life has thrown at me is to try and use those experiences in a positive way. Supporting others being given similar things to deal with helps make some sense of what has happened. (That reads a bit American movie but I hope You get what I mean!)

Either post here - or if you want to talk on more personal level send me a PM


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