# When do you 'know' to move on?



## Geordie_chick (Oct 18, 2008)

I am having an awful time and I guess I just wanted to off load or kill a curse!

We suffered the failure of our last straight ICSI cycle in March this year and have since been looking at Care in Nottingham as an alternative to Bourn Hall as they offer Chicago/immunology testings.

It has taken a lot of chasing between them and my NHS GP to get to the blood test stage and we're almost there.  Except I've been three times to my GP - the first time they forgot to tell me that one of the blood tests meant fasting so we had to cancel. The second time the nurse wasn't able to get blood from me (I have one lucky vein that wasn't giving up that morning) and on Wednesday we managed just half needed.  I have another test arranged next week and then I have to go to the Care branch in Northants for further blood tests.

I think the seemingly impossible blood tests task is a omen.  And I am starting to wonder if, at 40, I should be starting to somehow adjust to not being a mum.  The frustration of a static life pains me - we can't move house (no idea how many bedrooms!) or make holiday plans as IVF rules us - you know what I mean!  But are these kick responses and me trying to find an excuse or measured responses to what IVF has become - a tiresome and worriesome journey.  We would like to get a pet after losing our elderly dog last year but feel too concerned to do that which is frustrating.

I know that we cannot adopt, my husband is 65 and whilst I think - I know - we'll be great parents, our local adoption agency could not confirm if they'd start to consider us or not and we have to wait a year anyway.  That's then him at 66 so even less likely.

I suppose what I want to ask is, did you know when it was enough and are there ways of seeking the courage of convictions through counselling or actions.

Sorry, what a rambling and rubbish post..


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## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

Hi there

Didn't want to read and run. Not sure anyone can answer this question as its different for everyone. Some people just can't take treatment anymore....life on hold, dashing of hopes.For others its medical or purely financial and the fact that they simply can't afford to continue with treatment. It is so hard,  but it is something only you and your DH can decide.  Sorry I'm not much help here, but really think there is no easy answer. You will know in you heart of hearts when enough is enough for you.  Until that time hold onto your dreams and keep on going.... .you never know. I wish you lots of luck  x


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## bubblehead (Jan 29, 2009)

Hi there Berenice, 

Oh bless you. Well I do know what you mean. I'm over 40 too, but a little older than you and my IVF (official - dont get me started on the GP referral disaster!) journey started aged 39. Like you we've decided against adoption - for other reasons.  
I am now at the end of my ICSI journey after a recent and final attempt.  Like you I did think about taking the immunology tests too during our final treatment. I had heard mixed things about them and they are expensive. So I didn't do it, as putting steroids into my body was something I was not keen on if the results came back with anything negative around NK cells. It's all about personal choice though and though it didn't seem right for me, it might be for you particularly if the clinic is within easy reach? Maybe I wouldn't be posting to you now if I'd tried? Just think carefully about what is important to you.  

Do you think that if we treat the failure of IVF as a kind of bereavement we come somewhere close to the feelings that surface? That's how I felt and in a way it has helped me to deal with it.  I do think that there are things which can give us a sense of achievement in our life. Yes, maybe I won't have a grandchild in my arms, though perhaps I'll have given my time to many more people that will feel touched by my kindness?  Am I making any sense?  I hope so.... it kind of helps to write things down. 

Hugs from me xxxx


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