# New to FF and trying to cope after twin missed miscarriage



## J0J0 (Dec 3, 2008)

Hi all,

I have been ttc for over 4 years and after many different tests and procedures my FSH level was too high and dh had low sperm count, which did improve.  To cut a very long story short, finally got told 2 years ago at 35 that I was probably suffering from premature ovarian failure and would never be able to have my own children.  This was hard to deal with at the time but my dh and I discussed our options and decided that we would try ivf with donor eggs.  We waited and then got the call earlier this year to say that a wonderful lady wanted to egg share.

This was the best news and we embarked on our cycle of treatment.  We had 7 eggs donated to us, 3 fertilised.  The day of transfer came and we had made the decision to have 2 put back.  The 3rd embie wasn't good enough to freeze so put our hopes on the 2.  After our 2ww got BFP and was over the moon.  DH flew to Ibiza on a stag weekend that night and I was feeling so happy.  Went back few days later for blood test and told that hcg level was rising but not doubling as it should, so I should prepare myself that the pregnancy was not going to continue and that I would probably miscarry in the next week.  This test got repeated over a 2 weeks and then all of a sudden the levels started tripling and I started to bleed so hospital got me in for scan at 6 weeks as they then thought the pregnancy might be ectopic.  Had the scan and to my suprise we saw sac and yolk and what looked like an empty sac, so they said one may not have made it hence the bleed but the other baby looked ok.  

At the same time my mother-in-law had been diagnosed with a brain tumour and was in intensive care with meningitis on life support so my poor dh was in bits.  Had another scan at 7 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat.  My heart skipped a beat and was so shocked after the problems at the start.  Had another scan at 8 and 9 weeks and each time strong heartbeat seen and baby was growing with us still thinking only one was still there.  Had another bleed at 10 weeks and my midwife told me not to worry and that she couldn't get me in for a dating scan until 16 weeks.  Naturally I was nervous about this but couldn't get an appointment any quicker and the midwife and my doctor told me not to over-react and just wait.  I reached 12 weeks and was so excited, finally starting to believe that I may be lucky enough to have a baby.  5 weeks ago at 14 weeks I started to bleed again and my doctor told me he would get me in for an emergency scan a week later!  Had enough, felt something was wrong and went to A7E.  Got examined, told cervix was closed, just old blood and everything should be ok but they would scan me 2 days later.  Scan arrived, scanning lady was not the nicest, just told me it was bad news and to go downstairs to see a doctor.  My dh questioned her as he had seen both babies on the scan but no heartbeats.  They left us alone in a room for 2 hours and no-one came to explain anything until my dh went to find someone and found our IVF consultant who didn't even work on that ward and he came to see us as no-one else would and he explained our options.  I think it was harder to take as I had thought that one baby had already gone but to suddenly find out both were still there but no heartbeats was sould destroying.  I kept asking what I had done wrong. 

My beautiful angels appear to have stopped beating at about 12 weeks but did not want to leave.  Decided to have D&C but that wasn't to take place for 5 days and I have no idea how I got through those days.  The past 5 weeks have been awful and I still feel like a mess. I keep bursting into tears for no apparent reason and feel so low.  I know that time will heal but now feel like have to start all over again to go on waiting list, find donor etc. 

The one positive thing from my experience so far is that my dh and I have become even closer and he has found a strength that I never knew he had, and he has been wonderful.

Sorry for so much information but was helping me to write it down.

Jo


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Jo 

 I am so sorry to read of your Joy turning to such sadness   
I hope that alongside typing this out you will find hope and strengh from the members here, and that you can smile again 
           

Pregnancy loss 
CLICK HERE

Forget me not -~A place for our members to remember their loved but lost babies. 
CLICK HERE

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## J0J0 (Dec 3, 2008)

Thank you Dizzi, really appreciate the kind words and hugs


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## Kookymare (Aug 12, 2008)

Hi Jo,

  , no words can make you feel better. But know that we are here for support

                                      Kooky x


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## dmpink (Oct 16, 2008)

Hi Jo

Just want to give you a  

Life is so unfair, I had a M/C but unlike you I did not get to see them on the scan as had an early M/C so at 7 week scan nothing there at all. I had no bleeding though so it was a complete shock. It is the hardest thing to get over. All I can say is try to stay strong and carry on.   Allow yourself time to grieve and get over this. As for the way you have been treated it is inexcusable and these people have no idea how much harder they make it. You must complain  

So pleased you and dh are strong that will keep you going.

Love D x


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## J0J0 (Dec 3, 2008)

Hi Kooky,

Thanks for the hugs  .  It helps to know that they are people that understand exactly how I feel x

Hi D,

Thank you for the hugs, sorry to hear about your m/c   

I think we are going to complain   but just need to heal a bit more first x


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## IVF Twin Mummy (Nov 26, 2008)

Hi JOJO... I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your twins. Sending you huge     

Take care of each other.
Love
Lou
xxxx


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## peanut butter (Jul 23, 2008)

Hi Jojo

Thought I would write and say hi.  I am sorry that you have been having a rough time - I have been having one too.

We have just completed our first treatment but during this cycle, about 3 weeks ago, my mum had a heart attack and died.  It was such a bolt out of the blue and I am absolutely devastated.  Everyone encouraged me to carry on, as they said it is what my mum would have wanted.  

I had my 14 day test on Friday and it was a BFP.  I was amazed it was positive after everything I had been through.  I started getting pains on Saturday and by Sunday I knew it had all gone wrong.  I had a blood test today and they confirmed that I was no longer pregnant.  The tears have not stop flowing for the past few weeks and I cannot understand how life can be so cruel.  I have been in and out of this website all day, looking at other people's stories as they are helping me to gather some hope and strength. 

My thoughts are with you and I am sending you a big hug. 

Take Care

Nikki x


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## J0J0 (Dec 3, 2008)

Hi Nikki,

Thanks for your thoughts and hugs...and I am sending them straight back to you.    I am so sorry for what you have been through recently and I can only imagine some of your pain.    I have been constantly questioning how life can be so cruel to those that have done nothing wrong....and I know that everything is meant to happen for a reason but at the moment when I think of me, you and all the other beautiful people on this site I struggle to find the reasons why.

I hope that the website does bring you some comfort as it has certainly been helping me for a while.  Just give me a shout whenever you need to talk xx


Lou - thanks for the hugs, means a lot to know that people care x


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