# How/when did you decide to give up trying to concieve and progress to adoption?



## ally b (Jan 25, 2006)

Dear Friends 

Just wondered how and when people decided that enough was enough of fertility treatment or trying to conceive naturally and that adoption was the best route forward?

We have had three miscarriages now, one of our own (genetically) and two DIUI. Personally, I never wanted DIUI anyway (as my sister had experienced 6 miscarriages and I didn't want to go through her pain) and also I would rather have persued adoption as it seemed like the right thing to do but family and hubby persuaded me that I'd regret not trying for my own. Maybe I would in the long term who can tell? 

Anyway, Know I feel I have tried it and it didn't work and I don't feel I want try DIUI mainly because the pain of miscarriage is too much to cope with and all the treatment is so stressful, I just want to move on with my life. Also weirdly, I have some issues getting my head around using DIUI sperm though adoption is okay, I don't know why? 

We are under the recurrent miscarriage service, I don't mind investigations but don't want invasive treatment though I know hubby will try to get me to have another go but it's not him who has to go though it everytime. 

How did you decide to move on to adoption?

Much love
Alison


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi again Ally

Well for us, before we had our final ICSI cycle, my dh was already resigned to the fact he'd never have his biological child, so he was open to adoption. At that stage, I was more wrapped up in becoming pregnant than I was to having a family.
After our final cycle, our consultant said he wasn't willing to put us through another. It was upto us. But in his eyes, the chances of conception were less than 5% and because I came so very poorly he didn't feel it was worth putting us through that again. He mentioned adoption to us as an alternative route. He said we'd make fantastic parents.
I cryed for days after that consultation. I didn't want to stop trying. My head knew this man was talking sense but it took my heart a while to catch up.

 x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

Alison

for us it was about realising that a pregnancy did not equal a family. we had become pregnant three times and each time lost our precious baby in the first trimester.

we could have pursued IVF till the cows came home and not had a family   dh was way ahead of me and wanted to adopt from day 1.......it was me who insisted on treatment because i could not deal with thinking - what if? - for the rest of my life.......

we had 9 tx's of IVF and FET - but only 5 transfers of embryos - and of those only 1 pregnancy (we had 2 natural miscarriages before our infertility problem).......in the end we decided that after 18 embryos and no live birth we could not keep putting ourselves emotionally (and me physically) through it all.

now we are due to go to panel in march   and cannot wait for our forever family  

hth

ritz.


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Alison

I think you know when the time is right to say enough is enough for fertility treatment, i had 1 ivf with a previous partner and really didnt want to go through it again but when i met my now husband he was keen to try ivf and so i agreed to one go, which was abandoned due to cyst and because i had pysched myself up for that cycle, we decided to pay privately and have one last shot, i only produced 1 decent embryo so the chances of it working were very slim anyway and really i suppose it was a relief to get it over and done with as it meant we could move on with our lives.  We started the process in January, and are hoping to go panel in March 2008.

Coxy.


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

well alison

For us too, we just knew it was time to say no to more treatment.

We went about things in a round about way..having one cycle of ICSI...then looking into adoption......after the training course we went back to more treatment. I just didn't feel right and wanted to try again at having our own chidren, luckily DH was able to support me in that decision.

At that point we changed clnics and decided we would have two more goes at ICSI - I had just always had it in my head we would have three goes. Anyway after 1 more ICSI, 1 IUI, we both agreed the next one would be our last. despite wanting to have a family we knew that we just couldn't go through any more treatment.

We got back in contact with the local adoption agency last December, after ICSI no 3 failed....and here we are today waiting for a match......finding out about a little boy and knowing we are in the right place.

It sounds so clear cut but there has been a lot of heart ache on the way!

I hope you and your DH can find your next step......

Take care

HHH


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## CubicA (Jan 7, 2008)

You know yourself how much you can take....... or not as I found.
I had 3 IVF + 1 ICSI and finally got divorced! I mentally couldn't go through another cycle and my husband was not keen on adoption. Stalemate!! 
I've ended up with a very successful intercountry adoption experience. We've been together over a year now and my daughter is 2 now. It's hard being a single Mum but it was much harder not being a Mum.

Good luck in your journey to motherhood whatever way it happens.

CA


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi Alison

I too, just knew. I had 2 cycles of IVF with my previous partner and 3 cycles with my husband.  When I first started on the IVF roller coaster I was full of hope, and over the years and cycles this gradually diminished to the point where we could take no more.  If someone could have told me I had to go through another 5 before it would defo work, I probably would have done so but the reality is I just couldnt face any more disappointment.  Plus the emotional and financial side was a strain.  

Anyway after starting on the adoption journey I have felt more relaxed and content with things.  I have long since accepted that I will never carry a child, but I also know that can still be be a good mum and I  can't wait 

I guess what I am saying is only you and your DH can make that decision in what is right for you.  Good luck in whatever you decide 

Lynn xx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Alison

you could be me 
we never suffered MC but personally dh was all for trying tx but to be honest i wanted to go for adoption straight off
however as tx wore on dh came round to the idea quite quickly and at our last cycle we had already decided adoption was where we were going
i thought the treatment was a nightmare from start to finish (personal opinion) and could not wait for it to be over. we laugh now cos dh says " mmmm see you got your way as usual" 

yep sometimes  i think about the biological aspect but it does not really bother me - anyway our Bubs is fab and i would not change it for the world - everyone tells me he is my double and even i can see it 
we know we are lucky and he was worth waiting for.  to me personally life is too short and i am enjoying my "mammy time"

take care
LB
X


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

For us we suffered 3 early m/c and one 2nd trimester one of twins, i did m/c testing and they thought htey had the answer, we tried everything and after 3 more IVF attemps i could longer even get pg, you get past the need for a biological child and just want a child. It is a wierd feeling.
I still, if i let myself, really struggle with the fact that i will never have a biological child and that hurts but all the time i am going through adoption i can cope, if for some reason we are not accepted as adopters then i think i will suffer.

We started the adoption process back in 2005 and started on the prep group and knew instantly we were not ready so pulled out. Now i feel different about the process.

We got al the adoption info and took it form there, we went to the open evening and it felt right

Good luck and i am so sorry for all your heart ache


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Having just read your post I can relate to you well. We have just decided that enough is enough and we can't go through any more pain with trying for own own genetic child. We were using donor eggs so I moved on a while ago. I have always wanted to adopt and am now thrilled we our starting this new journey. Through my sadness of repeated failed attempts of becoming pregnant, I can now see a light glowing and a warmth growing in my heart. I have read about , had one and heard about miscarriage and don't feel strong enough to go through that again...so here we are.

Kay xxx


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

When our friends told us they were pregnant we were extremely jealous - I found it painful to think about even, we had been told we were infertile for 5 months and on waiting list for ICSI.

However a pain that went far deeper than that was yet to come. Our friend miscarried a baby boy, our god-child to be, Matthew, at 20 weeks. He was born and lived for an hour. I blamed myself in part for the miscarridge it was as if I had wished it to be. I hadn't of course. I think it must be far worse to lose a child than to never have had the opportunity to have one. I sought counselling for my grief about my babies that would never be and about baby Matthew, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't being pregnant that was important it was my desire to be a mum. We then progressed to adoption.

That was November 2005. On Christmas eve 2006 our friend gave birth to our God daughter Alexandra and in November 2007 our beautiful little boy came to live with us. He is everything to us - absolutely everything.


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## VB (Dec 21, 2004)

Hi Alison, how are you?

I've not been on here for ages but checked in today and found some old messages we sent each other - hope you are ok?  I've seen you have had a very rocky road   .

Vx


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Sadly our option of fertility treatment was taken away from us, as my wife had to have a Hystorectomy so it was all taken out of our hands.
Although for me in someways it was a relief as my was suffering so much and i think if she would have had half a chance she would of carried on having IVF treatment, which at the time the drugs were making her condition worse.

But we both feel very happy now following the Adoption, which was a no for us both many years ago.
There is nothing i have heard that has put us off as a matter fact it is pushing us even harder

Getting through this process means so much to us, there isn't a day goes by that i dont think about Adoption and what a great thing it is.

I know if we get through this we will never look back

Cheese


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