# My darling Kipper



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

My darling Kipper, the day is getting closer when we must say goodbye. It's too difficult to think of at the moment because you are still happy, still loving your food, enjoying short pootles and giving us so much love. But you are in pain, you are putting your leg down less and less. Every day you seem just a little worse.

The look that you get on your pain killers, just that little bit trippy, breaks my heart. I hope that you are still comfortable as my heart tells me you are.

You have led a colourful life, you have filled my heart at every stage and driven me to despair all at the same time. From the moment that I rescued you, I have loved you. You had such a bad start, I hope that I made up for it. You still sleep with your head at a 90 degree angle from your first year in a cupboard, even though you have the biggest most luxurious memory foam bed that money can buy!

I've only smacked you once, do you remember? I think that we'd only been together for 6 months and you had so many problems. You had a sad flashback and were afraid to come back to me. It was just you, me and a herd of cows. You didn't look once at the cows, you just did your panicked little flybys around me .... 3 hours of them until I finally flipped out of shear stress. It set us back months and I felt so ashamed, I never hit you again. Not really even a cross word. Not even when you really were a very naughty girl because you were never really that naughty, you were just doing your thing.

So many memories, I wouldn't trade a single one. Your stone rolling, your howls, racing up to bed with us every morning, disappearing under all 6.5 stones of you for one of your unending cuddles.

I will move mountains to make whatever time we have together now wonderful. Your dinners will always be truly spectacular and we shall stop and sniff for however long you want, even if it does mean breaking our 3 step rule or goes on for what seems like _forever _

Bone cancer is a terrible and aggressive thing. Two dogs in a row, what were the chances? Being here before just a few years ago gives me strength though lovely, I will be there for you when you need me and for every step in between.

My God I love you. My little stars and Molly will be waiting for you whenever you are ready and, in the meantime, you are mine to adore.

Good Good Girl xxx


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## TreeHugger (Dec 4, 2012)

Oh molly    

Make the most of your time left together, and cherish the memories  

We lost our beautiful pet because of a brain tumour, she is now cuddling up with our lost babies xxx


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

Sending you lots of hugs     I had to have my beautiful Labrador put to sleep 3.5 years ago after they found tumours in her liver & internal bleeding & it broke my heart as I held her in my arms, I hope you can enjoy the time you have left together x


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Oh Molly, this is so heart breaking, I'm so sorry. Sounds like you and Kipper are going to have some lovely days ahead, and she knows you love her and always will. Big hugs to you xx


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Heartbreaking......  so sorry about Kipper Molly but she knows you love her and you're doing all the right things to make her time comfortable and to enjoy together.....I did all the same things with my old boy when he started to go downhill....steak dinners   I figured he might as well....

Treasure every moment  

Grey xx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you lovely ladies, I've felt so strong about this but I had a real sad moment yesterday seeing her struggle to walk.  Thank you for listening  

I'm so sorry that you've all been through this too, I think that fertility issues creates an even strong a bond with our fur babies (if that's possible)

It's just so sad, I force her pain killers down her throat every day and she just looks at me with her big pleading eyes.  I follow them up with something fabulous but it's a horrible thing to subject her to because she's not a pill taker bless her.  I'm just swapping her from Rimidyl to Metacam, so at least I can squirt one of them    They make her so sleepy and confused but it's a horribly painful cancer so I know that she needs them.

She still wants to pootle but her head is telling her that she wants to go further than she can physically make it.  Having the will to do it is still a good thing though, it's when she stops wanting to do anything that I'll know she's ready.  It will be at home again, in her basket, or wherever she chooses, in my arms is without question.

I use the quality of life scale and I'm pretty sure that it's still high but bone cancer is just so fast and seeing her deteriorate either a little or quite a bit every day is heartbreaking.  The vet said that she probably had 1-3 months and that was a month ago  

I'm just happy for every minute that I have with her though xx


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

Molly I hope you & kipper have had a good day, just a thought but our miniature dachshund doesn't like tablets so we have to put her epilepsy drugs in pate & now she queues up for them, not sure if you could try this even if you have to break up the tablets x


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## ClaireDa (May 26, 2015)

to you and kipper xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you Amy and Claire    Kipper has been was so much brighter yesterday and today, a lot more alert and lots of waggy tails  

I think that the tablets might be working.

Amy, your poor minature daschund   was she born with epilepsy?

It seems like the bigger the woof the more of a baby they are about taking tablets!  We could pretty much put anything in a lump of cheese or meat and our last dog would take it, our pup doesn't even need a treat to take them!  Kipper is a whole different kettle of fish, she's a master poison detector    She even goes through the treat afterwards just to make sure that there's no trick involved.  She's an utter nightmare, crumbled, treatified, surprised with...she just won't take anything.  The only way that we've found for her is for my DH to hold her mouth open and for me to push it down as far as my fingers (and her tongue) will allow.  Bless her, it's not pleasant for any of us 

I looked into getting one of those syringes that can help get them further down but the Rimidyl tablet is half an inch big!

Hurrah for good days and wagging tails today - something to do with the salmon steak this morning?  Hmmmm   xx


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

HI Molly

I'm so sorry to read your post - it's just so heartbreaking to go through this.

My dog is a nightmare with pills and seems to be able to spit them up ages after supposedly swallowing them so we have resorted to crushing them in a mortar and pestle and then mixing it into cheese which she gobbles up - known as cheese bombs in our house.  We often use a strong cheese and I think this helps mask the pills.

Sending you virtual   for the coming weeks.

Morag


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

Molly lovely to hear that you & kipper had a good day   the dachshund was second hand (acquired from my sister when she found it too much combined with her kids) but we don't think she was born with epilepsy, the drugs seem to be working & she has been spayed to try & reduce the hormone imbalance to see if that helps, we tried a few different things like salmon, chicken & cheese before finding that the pate seemed to work as the tablet stuck in it better, I do have a labrador that rejects tablets & is a master at managing to spit them out   Another thing I have tried is magnetic collars (from amazon), I'm not sure how they work but my younger labrador had elbow dysplasia & surgery to both her elbows & she wears one as I figured it was worth a try.
Hope you & kipper have many more happy days x


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you Moragob, that's exactly it!  Kipper is a master at regurgitating the tablets ages after she's swallowed them and eaten something else    I'm glad that grinding it up works for you, sneaky!  Alas, Kipper is wise to the scent of anything dodgy, no matter how small it is!

I'm glad that's it not just me that has to resort to all sorts to get some medication down.  It's a good job that we're not this way during treatment and our DH's have to chase us around and stab us with needles when we least expect it    The thought did make me chuckle though  

Amy, your daschy sounds very cute, she would probably reach Kipper's knees, which would make a very sweet photo  

I used magnetic collars for years with our woof that died a few years ago.  She was a very big girl too and had bad arthritis, it's all airy fairy but I really think that it did help a little.  It's definitely worth trying xx


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

Molly I hope you & kipper have had a good weekend, the dachshunds legs are about 2 inches long so she has to run to keep up, we often end up putting her in a bag with her head poking out & carrying her part way round the walks with the Labradors  

I think I would easily be persuaded to take my meds if dp offered me chocolate, but then I am easily led astray  

Take care x


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

My darling Kippy,

Two months almost to the day since your diagnosis and the date is set for tomorrow.  We've been putting it off for a short while now because you are still there, the glimmer in your eyes, your love of the restaurant meals that you've been having (your own roast duck at the weekend   ) 

You had the most terrible night and I was up with you for the whole thing.  A very wise and fabulous friend said to me to wait for that 100% moment, and I reached it then.

4pm tomorrow and your favourite vet is coming to our house.  We have picked a spot in the garden that you love, you'll be under two of the trees that I bought for my little stars.

I feel sick at the practicalities of tomorrow.  You are our big bear, I wish that I could help your Daddy carry you.  

I honestly don't think that I would have made it through the last few years without you, I owe you so much.

If love could prevent this happening to you then you would live forever.  You will live forever in me and in the meantime, keep sleeping with your head on my lap x


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

xxx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm so sorry  
Dogs bring so much love to our lives
Xxx


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Molly - so sorry the time has come   you are doing a kind thing for your dear friend though   Thinking of you.....

Grey xxxx


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Molly so sorry to read your news, your post had me in tears.  I've lost several dogs myself and it is heartbreaking.  I just wanted to send     and to say thinking of you.
Turia x


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

I miss you so much Kippy, it feels like I'm missing a limb.  It hurts so much.  12 years of kissing you goodnight and good morning and now I can't.  You were every bit my child when I thought that I would never have any.  I don't think that many people can understand that.

I am struggling with the guilt and I have to say this out loud because it is troubling me terribly.  With our last girl, her bone cancer was so advanced that the decision certainly felt like an an act of love.  Although I had spent your last two nights up with you in terrible pain and walking was so hard for you, I am only remembering the beautiful happy cuddles that you gave me every second of that day.  When your dad took you outside, I'm struggling to remember you not wanting to go anywhere as all I can see is you trying to rush to me with your tail wagging.

When the vet arrived, you followed us all excitedly across the garden to a special spot that we'd put your basket. That bit broke my heart.

It was peaceful though, even when it looked like DH might go for the vet for not administering enough sedative for you big girl, because he'd never known it take so much.  Our big bear, luckily he hastily found an emergency vial and redid his calculations for when it really mattered.  I hope that you didn't hear our uncontrollable sobbing after that, I have never seen your dad cry like that.

I know that it was an act of our incredible love for you.  You trusted me though and I feel like I betrayed you.

My beautiful girl, my Ophelia in the garden, sprinkled with flowers from our wedding.  Thank you for being you, every bit of you - the good, the cheeky and the naughty.  I wouldn't have changed a single bit of you.

Thank you for being my girl and to whoever set our stars to meet.  We were meant to be, we found each other when both of our lives were hell and we left each other in a place of such happiness.  I will see you again darling Kippy.

Thank you for letting me pour my heart out and for listening lovely ladies.  I just wanted to mark the passing of my beautiful girl xx


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Oh Molly.....such beautiful words       what a brave and kind thing you did for your girl. Thinking of you so much and sending lots of love  

Grey xxxx


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## Amy76 (May 14, 2014)

Molly I know how broken you must be feeling, I think the sadness is the price we pay for loving our fur babies so much, take care xxx


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