# help - toilet trouble!



## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Hi,

I am at my wits end and need some perspective which I know I can rely on this forum for.

My eldest is almost three and was supposedly potty trained in August - I followed a book, did my best, have been very positive and yet we are going nowhere fast.  

She wet herself four times yesterday, pooled twice and weed twice today. This is nothing new, it's like this all the time unless I take the lead and take her. Even when I a, asking do you need a wee? She says 'no thank you mummy' the five mins later we have  puddle!

It's exhausting and so frustrating. She's absolutely fine about using the toilet, but she seems too preoccupied  or she's not reading the physical signs of needing a wee.

What do I do? I've tried sticker charts, I've tried being cross, I am fed up of wet pants and just need some ideas please.

Thanks for listening, I know there's wisdom out there...


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

She might not be ready to be toilet trained. Our lo is 4 and was exactly the same, he has only just become dry during the day. Haven't even tried nights yet as his pull ups are soaked in the morning. 

We tried absolutely everything but they are ready in their own time. We did find he had less accidents when we only gave water and milk as drinks though. 

It's a difficult one as you won't want to go back to pull ups but it may be worth it if there is lots of upset and stress.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

personally i would go back to nappies, leave it 3 months and try again..remembering the 'parent them younger' mantra, perhaps treat her as more like 2 1/2, less even maybe, then your expectations of what they *should* be doing gets lowered hugely  


Kj x


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Have to say I agree with the others, having worked with toddlers for many years I'm a firm believe in that there is no point pushing children to potty train, when they are ready they will let you know.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

think i wasn't reliably trained til i was 6. under three sounds young to me.


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

I would leave her a bit too.

If its stressing you out it is going to stress her out too. I would try it again, but when there are no big things happening (birthdays, letterbox etc). You need to spend a couple of weeks at home. And I would just get her to sit on the toilet about once an hour, even if she says she doesn't need the toilet. And talk about when you go to the toilet too, and anyone else who she is with regularly. Just say mummy/grandma etc needs a wee/poo so they/im going to the toilet.

I am also a believer that pull Ups are a waste of money. Yes you have more mess for a but if you just use pants, but children normally understand better if they have an accident.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Just an observation we have made with bubba. Fruit shoots of any variety make her wee and dribble constantly and often before she can get to the toilet another big no no for her is blackcurrant squash.  I had bladder problems following my hysterectomy and was told to avoid blackcurrant as it is an irritant to the bladder.  
Bubba has a small kidney so probably watch for infections etc more than I would have done. She had party at playgroup yesterday morning and we had 5 pairs of wet knickers later in the afternoon her juice wasn't touched so asked her what she had to drink and she said blackcurrant mummy I love it.
She will get there we are all so pressured to get it done before they get to a certain age and sometimes kids are just not ready. I have twin nephews who were 5 in Aug and they weren't dry during day until recently and 1 is still in nappies at night.
Xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Sounds like she's not ready, rather than messing your around, in which case no amount of incentives or cross is likely to have any effect.  I'd just use nappies again for a while, but encourage her to "save" her wees and tell you when she needs to go.  Once she's doing that fairly reliably, have another go, say in a few months time.  It gives you the opportunity to praise her when she gets it right without any hassle when she gets it wrong.  Removing the stress may help a lot.  

Wyxling didn't potty train until she was nearly three, most girls her age did it some time before, but she wasn't ready (although in Wyxling's case she new when she needed to go and was just refusing to cooperate).  I tried to potty train when she was about 2 1/2 and it was a disaster, and I gave up and went back to nappies.  I worried about it a lot because I just couldn't imagine how I was ever going to get her to do it, when she clearly had decided because Mummy wanted her to, she wasn't going to.  In the end, she just developed an interest in it overnight almost, and when we did potty train it was very straightforward.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

yes i generally find its a lot more straightforward when the are older..both mine were just a touch off 3 and they did it really quickly.


I'd echo what aaa says about juice..mine have juice (watered down) at breakfast and then water for the rest of the day..if they have juice at any other time for treats /out for lunch etc they wee for flippin England and will more than likely wet the bed at night too  


kj x


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Thanks so much everyone - just nice to 'share' when you're feeling a bit demented with it all.

AAAis a Mummy - I didn't know about blackcurrant so that's really helpful because she drinks apple and blackcurrant squash everyday!!! I am going to switch this to water with the occasional orange squash and see what happens.

I know what you all mean about nappies but she's been out of them since August so we're not going back - hopefully the switch from blackcurrant will help and I'll try to remember to think of her as younger than she is to keep my stress at bay really good point that one, thank you 

Xxx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Your welcome hun it makes a massive difference to bubba. She said to my mum today granny PLEASE can I have blackcurrant like the boys (my nephews all drink it) so my mum said no darling you are not allowed it are you. Oh says bubba I not allowed it makes me wee granny. My mum was in fits  
Hope it helps she is fine with any other squash/juice or water
We do still get days when we have wet knickers and have been going since end of May but in her defence its mainly when she is totally distracted usually at our local soft play centre bless her she appears at the bottom of the frame saying mummy I wet I sorry.
Xx


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Hi,

Just wanted to share an update - we stopped blackcurrant and also switched mentally to thinking of her as very young and since then we have had no accidents!!!! I can't quite believe it, she is asking for the toilet when she needs it and generally doing very well.

All this through non-routine Christmas holidaystoo! I always knew she was perverse!  

So thank you all for your support and advice, it was really helpful to have different viewpoints to consider and also to reassure me that she wasn't the only one who struggled.xxxx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Fantastic so pleased its all worked out. Xx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

That's great!  Well done you.    It's incredibly frustrating.  I have a friend with two birth children, difficult labours... says she would rather give birth than potty train any day!

Bug took to it well, but then had a big regression and I was tearing my hair.  I no sooner cleared up one puddle on the carpet, than there was another one on his bed, or on the sofa (sob).  We tried everything, but in the end we went into pull-ups (because they have lightning mcqueen on them!) for ten days or so, just to give everyone a break.  We hadn't used them in training, but had used them for a couple of long journeys and trips into London and he liked them.  I knew it was against all the rules, but was willing to try anything.  Ten days later we went back into big boy pants, and have had very few accidents since.  I think we just all needed a break from each other and the cycle of toilet/resistance/accident/change/clear up.

Now I realise there are no rules, just what works for you....  

And *high five* for your progress.


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

AoC - think you've got it there - no rules, do what is right for you and your LO. O would add - ignore the pushy in-laws too!!!  

On a more serious note, I have a friend who has been a child minder for years as well as having four of her own and she says every child she's ever known always has a regression a month or so after training.

It can only get better, although m dreading working on nightimes without nappies!


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

P.s. just read that back, to be clear, it's me with the pushy in-laws!


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

LOL!  Yeah, mine are mostly great.  

We're tackling overnights now, using pull-ups.  So far so good!


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