# Friends :-/



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi ladies,

Been a while since i've posted on here but been trying to get myself focused on losing weight for IVF.

I'm really struggling at the moment, my fiancé works as a Team Leader at Tesco & in a way of saving money they are getting rid of the role, so he either has the choice of redundancy or dropping his pay down and dropping back down to a Grocery Assistant with a "pay off" which is hardly anything. I've got that on my mind now plus the whole fertility thing, my job is cr*p and I can't get extra hours and I can't find another job because of everything that is going on.

I hope i'm not alone in this, but i've got no friends anymore. I didn't have many before IF but now I have none, no-one I can talk to about this, no-one I can meet up with to forget everything, just no-one in general. I don't know how to get my social life back because it's hard enough me just going out of the house to go to work, which I hate every single time. 

It's even getting to the point now where i'm accusing my Fiance of cheating on me because he's on his phone a lot talking to his friends and it makes me jealous, i've tried explaining it to him but I think it just angers him that I think he could cheat on me (which he wouldn't I know but it makes me sick to even think it)  

I can talk to my mum but I really don't want to upset her and make her feel down all the time, I put her through enough when I was a teenager! & my fiance is great sometimes but sometimes he just doesn't get it and he's got enough on his plate with work.

I just feel so lost  and I don't know how to find myself again until i'm pregnant, I know it sounds silly but it really will make everything better and get me back to normal. 

Please tell me i'm not alone in feeling this way?  

Carls xx


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

Hi Carls you're not alone.  Infertility can be so isolating.  It's not something you want to shout from the rooftops. It's hard to reach out to people and be sociable when if you're feeling fragile.  Thinking back to when I was in my 20s infertility never crossed my mind for a second so I can see how your friends may not know how to relate. 

It's horrible when you're stressing over money on top of everything else. Just started temping. I've gone from mega stressful in my old job to mind numbingly bored in this one. The money is also less than I'd hoped.  I'm panicking a bit as I've heard nothing from different job applications. 

My advice would be to go to your GP and ask for counselling.  If you can get someone who specialises in infertility counselling even better.  You need to unload your emotions.  Journalling also helps. 

I wish I could offer some advice about reaching out to distant friends but I've also found this a challenge.  Most of mine know what I'm going through but I feel bad that I've not had the emotional capacity to be there for them.  I'm only just coming out of a depressed phase but I'm not there yet. I have one friend in particular who I haven't seen for ages.  I'm godmother to her kids and lovely though they are I find it hard to be around them as they have the family life I long for and I feel so inadequate.

Be kind to yourself and best of luck.


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi Carls305,

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone  . I also withdrew from friends after losing my fertility as I found their effortless pregnancies left right and centre hard to stomach, & still do to a degree although I am lucky enough to have a beautiful IVF daughter now.

I felt my life was on hold whilst saving up for IVF & between cycles, & also didn't want to spend money on anything that would mean longer to have enough for my next cycle. Would looking into getting a second job be an option for you? This would help with money and be an opening to meet new people, who may be at different stages in their life or childfree.

Also would egg sharing be something you feel you could do? This may help you access IVF much sooner as it is either free or greatly reduced as an egg sharer. I looked into this myself but was turned down due to a BRCA2 mutation in my family, but it is a great option if you are eligible.

Best wishes,

B xxx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thanks for your replies ladies, glad to know i'm not alone in feeling this way!

Banjo55, i've tried so many times to get counselling but apparently I don't qualify for it! and definitely cannot afford to go private!
I do keep a journal but don't write every day, think I should start again. My partner and I were supposed to be godparents to our friends little girl but long story short they just treated us both like cr*p, seemed to think the cure of infertility was lots and lots of s*x and they just used us for babysitting and lifts, needless to say we cut them out of our life!

bombsh3ll,
congratulations on your IVF miracle, praying I get one too   
I honestly don't think I could get another job in this situation, never heard of egg sharing but i'll look into it, thank you


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