# New home for daily messages!!!!



## emilycaitlin

Welcome to your new home ladies!!!!!!!! Lot's of         for all the secondary IFers for 2009!!!!


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## whippet

Thanks em I see you dont have long to go either are you getting nervous?

whippet x


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

where is everyone? Too much Christmas shopping going on I suspect. Hope we're all spending lots of money and helping the economy along!!!

Whippet - when's your due date, I can't believe your 37 weeks already - is that right?

Faithful x


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## Pand

Hi everyone,

Whippet I can't believe you are already so far down the line!!!  Good luck hun and you Emily.

Well I'm still here.  Just thought I would pop in and say hello.  Busy week at school this week and little DS's 6th birthday.  I've been re-reading Isla McGuckin's book, Pink for a Girl and believe it or not have managed to link up with her on ********.  She is due to have her baby any day soon too.  Am so pleased for her.  She went through so much.

Anyway, I'm doing ok.  Had a little cry the night before DSs birthday cos I realised that I won't ever put a 5 year old to bed again.  But apart from that I've been so busy with so many things to keep me occupied that I haven't had much time to be sad.  Looking forward to this weekend, lots of Christmassy things planned.  I still ache when I think about the fact that I won't have any more children, but I'm doing much better with it than I thought I would.  I may feel differently on Saturday when DS has his birthday and i see my very pregnant sister in law!!  

Anyway, hope you are all well.  Love to all of you.

Pand


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## whippet

Hi faithful and Pand yip I am 37 weeks due date is jan 7th but so hoping it comes before that was thinking sunday would be good as getting highlights done on sat and sunday was my mums birthday although ironically jan 7th is my dads birthday so who knows. How you ladies doing?

whippet x


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## Keira

Hi Ladies

I have not been on this thread for ages .... but just popping on to see how you all are      

Pand  -  My boy has turned 6 as well ... and how excited he is about Santa coming.    What a lovely age for the whole Christmas experience.    I also read 'Pink of a Girl' ... very good and I could not put it down.    I did not realise the author was now pregnant -  was it a natural pg or tx ?    We can but hope  

Hi Faithful, Emilycaitlin & Whippet ... Hope you gals are all keeping well.    Hope to get on FF more often and get chatting again to you all  

Kx


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## sarylou

I am so sorry I have been awol ladies. 

Pand I am truely sorry your dream was not to be       I hope this weekend goes well with the pg SIL and Ds had a wonderful birthday. I hate jords birthdays as it just reminds me each time of how he is a whole year older and still no nearer a sibling. 

I hope everyone else is doing well. I am trying to avoid xmas at all costs at the moment and still havent even sent cards or anything  
Im working so hard and doing lots of extra and i am truely exhausted. Dh and me are still at breaking point and he wants to cancel xmas as he just cant face it      
My grandad is in a coma with pnemonia(sp) and has been given only hours to live so dad is beside himself with worry and grief. This was step mums first xmas she felt up to enjoying after loosing her DS in 2006 so it all just seems so crappy at the moment. 
So im cheering myself up til dh comes home by playing wii sports with ds-he is beating me btw


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## missyb

hi ladies!

i just wanted to say hi and apologise for going AWOL. Like everyone it has been manic with xmas prep and work. also we had 2 pg announcements and ex h baby was born last sunday. i have to admit i have been feeling pretty sorry for myself   af also came 3 days early and so it seemed to be in my face even more that whilst my body is up the creek everyone elses' seems to be fine!

anyway, im feeling much better and on the bright side at least i can eat (check) drink (check) and be merry (getting there!) and start looking forward to 2009!


just wanted to wish you all a fab xmas and a wonderful new year.. with lots of BFPs, peace and happiness.



     




amanda xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

Pand - sounds like you're doing well. I think it's a hard time when your child has a birthday too, so having to deal with that at the moment as well is going to make you a bit    I hope his birthday party went well and you were able to deal with prg s in l.  Hope you have a good xmas and that you're enjoying your holiday.

whippet - good luck with everything, hope the birth goes well. you never know the next time you're on here you may have a little baby in your arms!

Sarylou - so sorry you're having such a hard time at the mo. Hope things pick up a bit and that xmas isn't too bad after all.

Keira - In answer to your question re 'Pink for a girl' author, yes I think it was a surprise natural pregnancy. I remember us chatting about it on here a few months back. It's lovely to hear of stories like that isn't it.

missyb- Sorry you've been feeling a bit down. Your ex having a baby must be so hard for you. I think once the baby has arrived and been around for a few weeks it makes it a bit easier. What's happening with you at the moment? Are you doing any more tx?

Me - Doing fairly well at the moment, looking forward to xmas. Me and DH goiing to have a good chat over the holiday some time to decide on next step. He has always been dead set against ivf, but actually brought it up the other day, so we might be considering that in the new year. If not then think will definitely do iui again. Not sure what I think about the whole ivf thing, sounds a bit scary for lots of reasons, but deep down I know that if dh decides that he's ok with it that I would probably go for it too.

Anyway will keep you informed.

Have a great Christmas everyone, and to echo missyb, at least we can eat, drink and be merry this year!!!


Faithful xx


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## Pand

Morning ladies,

Sorry I haven't been  on much.  I have been busy with preparations for Christmas and have been giving myself some space.

Sarylou - I  can't believe how much bad luck you are having at the moment.  I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad and that things still aren't good with your DH.  You are having such a horrible time of it, it's no surprise your relationship is under so much pressure. Hang in there hun.  I really hope things settle down a bit for you.

Missyb - Lots of love to you and I am still thinking of you.  I really hope you can enjoy this Christmas as much as possible.  Are you going to do something for your mum? Always on the end of the phone if you need me, you know that. 


FFH - Glad to hear you are still doing so well.  If you do decide to go ahead with IVF there are lots of us, me included, who are experts so if you have any questions just shout!  We will get you through it.  It's not as bad as you might think, honest! 

Keira - Sounds like we are in a very similar position!  As for Isla McGuckin, I believe it was a natural surprise pregnancy after about 8 years of ttc!  She is due any time soon.  I really hope it works out ok for her.  She has been through so much and her book has given me so much comfort and advice.  

Whippet - Good luck chick!!

Cinders - Put the chocolates down, step away from the chocolates!!  Seriously, thank you for all of your support as always you have been such a good friend.  Have a lovely Christmas and enjoy it, you have earnt every second of happiness.  

Susie - I know you are using ** more than here now, for obvious reasons and I think I will be doing much the same next year.  I hope you're ok hun and that Lola is making the most of the Christmas decorations!  Still here for you. xxx

Lainey - How you doing chick?  I think us Golden Girls are going to end up more on ** than here now, but I hope you have a lovely Christmas and that you find some clarity about where you are going in the new year.  

To everyone else I just want to thank you all so much for your support these last couple of years.  It has been a distinctly rocky road and you have been my rock.  I truly don't know what I would have done without you all.  To those of you who have achieved a BFP I wish you the very best I really do, and hope that you have the uncomplicated pregnancies and births that you so deserve.  To those of you still battling I will still be lurking and always have big shoulders!  I hope you all get the BFPs you deserve.  To those of you, who like me, are trying to move on and accept our lot in life, I hope you find the peace and contentment that you deserve and that the baby hunger eases over time.  

Have a lovely Christmas everyone and here's hoping for a much happier New Year.

lots of love

Pand


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## lyndalou

Just popping in to say happy xmas to everyone


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## jobo5572

Just a quick one from me to wish you all a very   Happy Christmas  

Love to everyone

Jo x


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## kittyx

Happy Christmas everyone


Love and hugs kittyx


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## dustyrose

Happy Christmas everyone! Thinking of you now & always... Shelli aka dustyrose xxxxx


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## cinders35

Merry christmas my lovelies.
  
Cindersxxx


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## missyb

ok better late than never ha ha! 

happy xmas!!!!!!!!!


hope you all had a fantastic day. my day hasnt been too bad. Pand gave me a fab idea of writing a letter to my mum and taking it to the beach and then setting it alight. i had a good old cry writing my letter; but the walk along the beach did me the world of good.

to pand,jobo,susie and lainey.. thank you for your texts.. they have meant the world to me.. the golden girls rock!

hi faithful... me and dp have decided to get fitter and see if that helps.. and then if that doesnt work its back to the fertility clinic. to be honest though i just dont want to go down that route for a variety of reasons. im sure that you and dh will make a decision that youre both happy with. you know that we are all here to support you whatever you decide.


love to all.

Amanda xx


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## Pand

Hi,

Gosh it's been quiet on here!  You all busy drinking too much?  

Just wanted to wish everyone a happier New Year for 2009.  Whereever you are in your journey's I hope you reach a destination that brings you some peace and contentment.  For those of you still planning on tx or continuing to ttc good luck and keep strong, I really hope you all get the BFPs you are praying for.

As for me, I'm feeling a bit pensive today.  I never thought I would be one of the ones that would end up not having any more children and I'm still finding it hard around friends and family who have just had babies or who are pregnant.  My BIL and SIL broke their news to my little man on Saturday and I found it so hard.  But I've started running and am trying really hard to live for the now, leaving the past behind and not thinking about the future.  God only knows what 2009 has in store for me, I just don't want to think about it.  One step at a time I guess.  Every New Year I pray this year will be better than the last and every year, I'm just tested that little bit more.  So each day that nothing awful happens is a bonus!!!!  Sorry this is more depressing than I thought!  I think it's just going to be hard to see in the New Year knowing that I will never be a mum again.  But on the plus side, I do feel like a weight has been lifted.  The pressure is off.  I just hope that somewhere down the line I find some contentment.  

Good luck everyone and have a great night tonight whatever you may be doing.

Love to you all

Pand


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## ramblingrose

Just a quick one from me to wish everyone a happy New Year. I am very glad to see the back of 2008 for all sorts of reasons, as I'm sure some of you are, and let's hope 2009 is a better year all round, eh?

I usually go to bed before midnight but I'm staying up this year even though my DH is working, so I'll be on my todd. Got a lot of decisions to make this year and hoping a fresh year will freshen my outlook a bit!

Enjoy, everyone.

x


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## jobo5572

Just a quick one from me too before I head out with DH and DS.  Just want to wish all you lovely ladies a very Happy New Year.  It's good riddance to 2008 as far as I'm concerned for a number of reasons and I'm sure many of you feel the same.  To those that have also had a crap year, I really hope that 2009 is a much much better and happier year for you, whether that is continuing with TTC or moving on from TTC - I just hope that you all find a happier place in 2009  .  To those that have had BFP's this year, well done ladies, and I hope you enjoy your soft drinks this evening   - of course I hope that 2009 is a brilliant year for you too and I wish you all the very best with your impending arrivals !!!

Happy New Year ladies 

Take care

Jo x


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## kittyx

hi all

Just to wish you all A HAPPY NEW YEAR whatever it brings.

I'm gonna do something i've never done before, at midnight i'm going to open the back and front doors to let the old year out and new year in. A old wives tale but maybe it'll bring better luck. 

I don't know yet where my tx journey will take me but i'm not ready to accept no more babies yet but i'm gonna try get on with my life instead of letting it rule it.I've actully booked my 40th bday party which isn't til june but i've been putting it off for over a year thinking i might be pregnant, so now it's booked and if i do happen to be preg then it's a win win situation. 

I will be glad to see the back of 2008 for many reasons too but i've said that for the last few years and each has bought new challenges. Lets hope 2009 brings better things 

LOve to you all   

Kityx


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## sarylou

Just wanted to wish everyone the very best for 2009 and that all those who are ttc get that precious bfp and those who are moving on (me included) can do so and hopefully feel some peace.


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Happy New Year to everyone. Let's hope there's lots of bfps on this thread this year  

Faithful x


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## missyb

hi ladies

hi faithful.. hope that you are right and that there are lots of bfp's this year on this thread as we all so deserve it.

where is everybody?


hope that all is well.

thanks pand for helping me with the nicotine withdrawal induced tourettes!


amanda x


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## whippet

Hi guys sorry about the delay but have pleasure to announce the safe arrival of Margaret, Isobel on Jan 7th at 19.50hours weighing in at 8 pound 12 oz. Both home last night shattered but so absolutely besotted. Promise to catch up and fill in more details soon.

love whippet x


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## missyb

[fly]CONGRATULATIONS[/fly]


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## kittyx

Congratulations whippet       love kittyx


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## jobo5572

[fly]CONGRATULATIONS Whippet ![/fly]


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## faithfullyhoping

Congratulations Whippet - fantastic start to 2009. Let's hope we have some more this year!!!!!!


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## ramblingrose

Big congratulations, whippet. Lovely name and a good weight too. Great start to 2009


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## cinders35

Big   Whippet. So pleased to hear your news   ! Your baby girl was born on my birthday!
Enjoy it all, and try and rest as much as you can  !
Right ladies, 2009 could be a good year, we're under starters orders here...... 
Love
Cindersxxx


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## whippet

Many, many thanks ladies for all the good wishes cant say how blessed we feel.

Cinders lovely she was born on your birthday she also shares a birthday wi my dad, talk about a proud papa  

Margaret doing really well. I am breastfeeding this time which I didnt do first time round. Milk came in yesterday makes Jordan look like Bianca from Eastenders. Finding the first 5 mins of every feed really sore but my sis has reassured me this settles in a few weeks so really trying to persevere as so want to do it this time.

need to go get some housework done before guests arriven and whilst she sleeping not washed sons clothes yet for school tomorrow never mind ironed them.

love to all

whippet x


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## Pand

Hi Whippet,


I'm truly pleased for you hun.  You deserve every minute with your little girl.  It's so lovely to see that some people do get their happy endings and I'm sure it will bring a lot of hope to those ladies still ttc. Good luck and enjoy 2009 hun.

Take care

Pand


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

Hope everyone has settled back into life after the festive season. It seems like forever ago now to me!
It's been quite quiet on here recently, I know that a few of the regular chatters are moving on from ttc so perhaps that's why - lots of love to you if you are.

We had a nice Christmas and new year, but me and dh kept putting off a difficult conversation about what we were going to do about ttc this year. He has always been against ivf for religious reasons but a few weeks before xmas suddenly mentioned it out of the blue and said that we would talk about it at xmas.  Anyway when we finally got around to talking about it, he was still thinking about things and wanted us to both think about things and talk about it again! I have to say I was pretty frustrated as I thought he was going to tell me what he'd decided!!!   

So that's where I am at the moment, still in negotiations with dh, and too scared to hear what he's going to say in case he decides no! On the other hand we haven't discussed the emotional and physical impact of doing ivf either yet as it seems pointless discussing that until we know if it's even an option for us. It does scare me, but with all the iui and lap that I've had done I feel it's prepared me quite well for IVF and I'm certainly not as worried about it as if I hadn't had that done.  Also worried about my age, I'm 34 at mo 35 in April. Have I left it too late?!!! 

Anyway, Hi to everyone, Pand, suszy, jobo, missyb, Kitty, Jo, cinders, ramblingrose, sarylou and anyone I've missed.

Faithful x


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## missyb

hi faithful!

it has gone a bit quiet on here.. i think lots of people have had that lurgy thing that has been doing the rounds and some have moved on.. xmas does seem like it was a long time ago!
can i ask a personal question? what is dh's religious objections to ivf? i only ask out of ineterest and not to critisize. you must feel like you are in limbo at the moment.. but at least it sounds like he is coming round to things.

i dont know much about ivf but im sure the cut off was 35.. im sure the other girls will know more on this though.

hope you are ok and that whatever you decide is right for you both.

hi to all the other lovlies on here..missing you all!


amanda xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi missyb

DH felt uncomfortable about IVF as he feels that it is intervening too much with what God originally intended.  And also that perhaps we'd be going against God's will by pursuing having another child when maybe he doesn't intend us to have another one yet. However, we've been talking it through a bit and trying to get our heads around whether this would be the case. I've personally concluded that as IVF isn't a 100% guarantee (far from it!) that if it's not God's will then it won't happen anyway! DH still trying to decide - it's a big step when you've had strong beliefs against it.

But yes feel a bit in limbo!!  But don't we all...

How are you doing anyway?

Faithfulx


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## cinders35

Hi Faithful,
I think with men, it is best to give them the time to come round to the idea! Which seems like the exact way you are dealing with things, pushing them, may only push them in the wrong direction !
I think even when you have strong religious beliefs, _sometimes_ your goalposts change as your problems arise. Nobody ever starts off thinking I want to have an IVF baby, but when mother nature fails to provide, and it seems like the only option, suddenly you'd give anything for a baby, no matter how they are concieved.
However, as you already are doing, respecting each others feelings, beliefs and needs as a couple is also important.
I am in such a waffly mood tonight  !
Anyway, just for you to know, in the land of IVF, 35 is a mere whippersnapper. You definately haven't left it too late!
Hope this ok, and have not offended you or your dh in anyway .
Love
Cindersxxx

p.s Hello to Missyb, and all my other lovely ff's.


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## missyb

hey cinders!!!   i couldnt have said it better myself and im glad that there is not cut off with ivf goodness knows what i was thinking of then. i knew someone would know 

faithful i think cinders has said it all. men are funny creatures and it seems to be a case of sowing a seed and they tend to come round to your way of thinking (and then think it's their idea ha ha!). yes i think we are all in limbo. i know that when it happens (it being a bfp) it will all be worth the wait.


amanda xx


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## missyb

well there is a cut off im sure just not yet for you! now who is waffly?? sorry xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi cinders and missyb

Cinders - Am I really a whippersnapper - yippee!!! Thanks for your advice re men, and I'm trying really hard to be patient, and not pushing him too hard - they're so infuriating though aren't they?!!!!
Not long for you now is it? How are you feeling? Do you know what you're having? 

missyb - glad it's not just me that goes into waffle mode!!!  It's nice to hear you talking about when we get a bfp - not if. I sometimes forget that it does actually happen for people!!!

Had very annoying day today - car broke down, had to be towed to a garage    garage just rang to say that cambelt has gone on it and they can't tell what it's going to cost until they've stripped it down    But I was very good and went to gym this morning to do bodyjam class so don't feel day completely wasted!!

Faithful x


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## missyb

awww sweets that sucks. it makes me feel ill when something goes wrong with the car as i know its going to cost major ££££££!!!  that it isnt too bad sweets.. well done you on going to bodyjam. i LOVE bodyjam... im totally [email protected] at it but it's soooo much fun. i was going to go tonite but to be honest by the time i got home i couldnt be bothered! im going to go on thur now.


we will get there!!


amanda xx


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## kittyx

hi all,

Faithful i just wanted to add that altho i'm not really that religious and do believe that fate takes a hand in our lives but i think that god has let medical science progress for a reason!

I had 4 iui before my ivf, and it does slightly prepare you for ivf. I'm 39 going on40 so yes you are a youngster.
I will prob be 40 by the time we have next treatment and i know it's a low success rate but i can't give up yet. 
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Hope everyone is ok.

love and hugs kittyx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Kitty

Thanks for that - I think we all get hung up about our age a bit don't we?  I really hope it works for you next time.  Do you have a diagnosis, or are you unexplained?

F x


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## sarylou

Sorry I havent been on for a few weeks things have been chaotically strained my end of the world. 
After losing my grandad 3 days before xmas and cremeting him the 2nd of Jan we tragically lost my step brother in a car crash Last weds just 4 days later.     
The whole family is inconsolable-we lost my other step brother 3 years ago in May and now my poor step mum is childless.    Both taken aged 18 and with their whole lives ahead of them. 
His funeral is next Friday and I am dreading it. DS is so lost without him-he was a brother to him and he idolised him. 

I finished my counselling and in that respects I am feeling much more complete with ds. I have faced up to never having any more kids and I am at the moment ok with that idea-before I would of been howling with sorrow and sadness but i think recent events have made me realise just how lucky I am to have ds. 

I really wish I was posting with more happier news


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## jobo5572

Hello there ladies - sorry I haven't been around for a while. Hoping to squeeze in a quick post whilst at work (tut tut) watching the clock until I can go home, so here goes......

Sarylou - couldn't read and run. I am so so sorry to hear of the tragic news about your step-brother, and the fact that you lost your other step-brother so recently too - life is so cruel sometimes. My heart goes out to you and your step-mum . I am also sorry to hear about your Grandad passing away . What a terrible time you have been having lately. I am glad to hear that the counselling has helped in relation to SIF, but that in itself is tough enough to cope with, let alone all the other stuff you've had to deal with recently. How are things with DH ? I hope he is being supportive at this particularly hard time for you. Thinking of you 

MissyB - hi hun . How's the nicotine withdrawal going ? Still given up the **** ? I've never smoked but wish I could give up chocolate as I'm addicted to that instead I think. Thanks for your texts x

Suszy - I know you don't come on here much any more hun, but I wanted to say hello and hope you're doing OK. Hope you had a good day out with your mum. Lots of love 

Cinders - how are you doing, and how is the bump progressing ? Don't forget to send that cream my way !

Whippet - hope you're OK, and little baby Margaret.

faithfullyhoping - you're a mere youngster ! I was 36 when I had IVF and my consultant said that they don't really get too bothered until you turn 40. Hope you and DH manage to sort out what you are going to do next WRT TTC 

Jo1983 - hope you're doing OK. Thanks for your texts. Hope all goes well with the move. Not long 'til 12 weeks now . Seems like AGES since you told me !!!!

ramblingrose - how're you doing hun ? Hope things are OK with you and things are better with DS. Keep me posted 

dustyrose, kittyx, lyndalou and anyone else I haven't mentioned - hope you're all OK.

As for me, I haven't been on here much for a while. After my tx was cancelled back in November, I took it very badly and wasn't in a very good place for some time. Counselling began to help, as did some of my SIFF's and other friends, but one of the best things that happened (in an ironic sort of way) was DS going into hospital and all the time that I had to care for him whilst in there and afterwards. It completely took my mind off SIF and I was able to focus on what I did have rather than what I didn't. Much as it was dreadful to see DS go through 2 operations and be in so much pain, we had such a lovely time together and I was gutted when he had to go back to school for a few days before the holidays ! Not long after that it was the Christmas period where I spent 2 weeks with both DS and DH (OK, so spending time with the latter wasn't as enjoyable as that with DS ) which was great. The only "trouble" I had was when DS asked if he could have a sister - he's never really done this before. He also said "all my friends have got a brother or sister" which did tug at my heart strings somewhat - I know they have, but I was kind of hoping he hadn't noticed. Just after New Year, he changed his plea to wanting a big brother. Somehow I managed to get myself out of both situations with distraction techniques but I'm not sure how I did it !

I've even had numerous pg announcements over Christmas and the New Year and they haven't even bothered me, which feels very weird, and I'm sure it won't last ! Also, most of the announcements have come from work so I will have to watch bellies growing for 5 days a week. I also found out that our next door neighbour is pg with no.2 - I found this out as my midwife (as was, obviously !) came round to see me over Christmas. Bless her, she's so lovely, and keeps saying she'd love to see me again "professionally", i.e. if I was pg. I told her not to hold her breath ! She was an absolute angel to me after DS was born as I was very poorly - she came out to me for 7 weeks afterwards, and then would always pop in on me if she was in the area. She even came out to me when she heard that I was suffering from PND. We have kept in touch for the past 4.5 years, and she also came to see if DS was OK after his op. Sorry, I am waffling ! Anyway, at the moment I'm not really sure what our future holds WRT TTC. I'm not getting too hung up on it which seems to have helped though. I'm sure as time goes by this will all change...watch this space !

Really hoping that everyone is OK and I will try to keep up a bit more on what's happening on here.

Love to all

Jo


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Sarylou - I'm so sorry for your awful news, words really can't say enough   . Your poor step mother must be inconsolable.  It certainly does make you grateful for what you have got doesn't it.  I hope that as a family you are able to come through this some how.

Jobo - great to hear from you, was beginning to wonder where you had gone!!! I'm glad you are feeling better about things at the moment, and I hope that you can continue to feel like that, try not to worry if you do get a bit down as we all have blips.  Has ds fully recovered from his op now? 
Also, thanks for the advice re ivf, it's good to know that age at least isn't against me at the mo!!


Missyb - How are you doing?  I was a good girl and went to bodyjam again this morning.  My legs are killing me now!!!  


Cinders - How's bump doing?  It's getting so soon for you now, am so excited for you!!!

Hi to everyone else Pand, Kitty, Suzy, lyndalou, Jo1983 and anyone else I've missed. Hope you're all well.


Faithful x


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## ramblingrose

Hi ladies  

Just thought I would check in with you as I've not been around for a while.

First of all Sarylou I am so sorry to hear about your losses and how your family must be feeling I can't imagine. I don't know what else to say really but I'm thinking of you at this very sad time.

Hi to everyone else. Hope everyne's feeling ok. I for one am trying to greet this new year with some positivity - sometimes I manage it and some days I don't but you gotta keep trying, eh?

Jobo, glad you had some lovely time with your DS over Xmas. I hope he's feeling better now and back to his usual self? The relationship you have with your midwife sounds very similar to the one I had with my health visitor who was my absolute rock during some very trying times when DS was little and I was in the midst of PND and I had no one else. We staued in touch too until I moved away and I still miss her now.

I'm very much divided in my head about how I feel about me and DH going for IVF - it's been a hard few weeks in some ways and we still haven't come to any definite conclusions but DH has at least agreed that we should go and speak to someone at Liverpool. Only thing is that our case (or more specifically my issues!) have not been referred to there from our local hospital yet - no idea why when I know a friend who was in a similar situation as me was referred automatically (and there was nothing found to be wrong with her) but I am calling the consultant on Thursday when I get a day off work to try and set the ball rolling there. I'm due to get some counselling soon and am hoping that will help me see more clearly what to do for the best.

New job is still going so-so; I'm enjoying the money but not the long drive there every day or the humdrum of it all!

I'm sure there are other odds and ends to say but I can't remember them (!) and just wish everyone a more satisfying and positive 2009.

x


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## rachfenton

Hello everyone, 

I'm so glad I've found this thread!  At last I might have found some people who understand how I'm feeling! I've been on other threads but feel that I can't express exactly how I feel as it might seem ungrateful to those who are struggling to conceive even one precious child. I have to keep reminding myself how lucky we are to have one gorgeous boy already, but my unexplainable urge to have another is just getting too much! This week I have found out that 2 of my friends are pregnant again, my sister told me today she is pregnant and 2 friends gave birth to their second babaies on monday.  I am so so happy for all of them, but weach time I hear of someone else who is pregnant again, I feel , just sad that it hasnt happened yet for us again.  I feel awful for feeling sad, but I just do! I have a cry on my own and then I'm fine.  We've now decided to stop 'trying' so hard for a while and see what happens, the stress is getting me really down and i need to start enjoying life again rather than spending my time worrying about whether ive ovulated or not, or reading too much into every physical symtpom in the 2 weeks before my period, I need to start living again and treasure the time I spend with my gorgeous boy.  I'm sorry I've jsut rambled ! I hope you all understand and forgive me!!!

How do you all cope with the feelings you get?


----------



## missyb

welcome rachfenton!

you have come to the right place. the girls on here are fab and so supportive. ive blown you a few bubbles to get you started.


amanda xx


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Thank god it's Friday !  I have had a pants week at work, and to finish off the week, I had to have a tooth extracted at the dentist this morning - ouch  !  Not a happy bunny and am sick of that yucky blood-taste in my mouth - uugh.

Anyway, some quick personals.....

rachfenton - welcome to the thread  !  You have come to the right place.  I'm afraid I can't tell you how I cope with the feelings (as I don't know !) but rest assured you are not the only one and I'm sure all of us have written exactly the same things in our posts as you have.  It helps to come on here and vent your frustrations/release your pain and to know that others are in the same position.  Look forward to hearing more from you  

FFH - thanks for asking about DS  .  WRT the ops he has made a full recovery as far as we know - he had a follow up appointment last week but we won't know if the ops were a success until about 6 months time.  Have you made any decisions on IVF yet ?

ramblingrose - great to hear from you.  I hope your local hospital have sorted out your referral now  .  How did the call with the consultant go ?  Hope you're OK  

sarylou - how're things with you ?  Hope you're OK.

missyb - how're you ?  

I found out last weekend that I'm living in what I can only describe as a "pregnancy sandwich"  .  As I mentioned in my earlier post, one of my next door neighbours is pg.  Well, imagine my horror when at the weekend I saw for the first time the neighbours on the other side of us, and she was sporting a lovely bump  .  OMG !!!  I'm sandwiched between 2 of them !!!!  Help me ladies - I feel under attack  

Must go and have some more pain killers and feel very sorry for myself.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

Hello to all the ladies on here.

Jo


----------



## ramblingrose

Ah Jo     (although I do like the 'pregnancy sandwich' desription - I was in one of those at my last work til I left!! Must remember that one). Do your neighbours know of your struggles TTC? Just wondering if they will be understanding of how you must be feeling? It's awful isn't it; you don't want people to hide their pregnanciess as such but it's a friggin PITA having too see them as well  

Well I have bitten the bullet and set the wheels in motion for IVF consultation. My consultant's secretary was lovely and I've had a nice email from the lady in Liverpool too so hopefully we will have our first appt in the next few weeks

   YIKES!   is the thought that springs to mind, but I've decided we have to at least have a chat with them there and maybe it'd be better to try, no matter what the result, than not to try at all. And I'm not letting myself feel badly done to anymore (well, not today   ) and just try and get on with things and deal with the obstacles as they come along. I've cheered myself up by booking a couple of cracking weekends away in the next couple of months, and I'm determined to salvage what's left of my optimism..... It's DH's and my 10th wedding anniversary in March so we're off to London for a weekend (although we are taking DS with us) and going to see a show. I've reasoned if I have lots of good things to look forward to all year it wil keep me ticking along....I will beat those bloody hormones and negative thoughts!!!!

(Obviously I will post again in a couple of days and be a right miserable cow    )

Anyway, hope all you ladies are ok. Jo, is your DS fully recovered now from his op? And hope your gums are recovering. I had a dental 'incident' a couple of weeks ago so I know what you mean about the taste of blood - I found wine helped!! 

Ooops mustn't forget to say a big hello and welcome to Rach (sorry, me and my wittering got the better of me). As Jo and Missy said we are all here for the same reason and understand how you feel - like Jo I can't offer much in the way of advice with coping with feelings as I've not done that too well this last 3 1/2 years, but support here is great and makes all the difference when you're feeling really low.

Off to watch BB in a while ladies so have a great weekend - remember that summer is coming!  Less   and more   

xx


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## missyb

hi ladies!

hi jobo...   pregancy sandwhich!! what a nightmare!   how is your mouth now? hope you have a better week at work next week. im ok.. think af is on her way and wearing size 10 doc martens!

hi rambling.. glad you are feeling positive  just the thought of a nice summer made me feel better!!   you get your appt soon.


not much to report this end im afraid. just a quickie from me! 


amanda x


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## kittyx

hi all 

rambling  i'm doing same as you.........booking stuff to look forward to etc. Nothing really takes your mind off ttc but some fun in the meantime might help.

jobo i feel for you in your pg sandwich. I seem to be surrounded by pg mums at the school and 17 year olds coming in to have their hair done telling me they are pg! Hope your mouth is better

Rachfenton  hi..I know exactly what you mean. One day i feel positive and the next i'm crying my eyes out. I just will not accept that i will not be pg again and try to keep some hope going but after last year of full on tx, like i say, i'm trying to do stuff this year that's fun. I'm 40 in june so using that as an excuse.Sending you some   

Hope everyone else is ok,

I'm getting fed up with people telling me not to think about getting preg and then it will happen! Yeh right! we'll see 

Love and hugs to all  kittyx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Welcome rachfenton - nice to have an addition to our thread - although obviously wish you didn't have to be here - if you know what i mean!!

Hi to everyone else, will catch up later.

Faithful x


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## jobo5572

Morning ladies

Just been hearing all about that woman in the USA who's given birth to Octuplets  .  Now is it just me, or is that a little bit greedy  ?  Only joking of course.  Apparently she's intending on breastfeeding them all.  What a nutter.  I found breastfeeding one for 9 months was bad enough !

ramblingrose - good luck for your IVF appointment  .  My mouth is getting better thank you  

missyb - I'm just waiting for AF too.  So ruddy bored of it all !  Wish she'd just p*ss off  

kittyx - don't you just love the words of wisdom that people come out with - I feel tempted to respond with things like "no sh1t; thanks for that; I'll give it a try".  Do they think we're stooooopid ?!

FFH - hello !

Got to dash - off out for lunch and some mooching around the shops with a friend as I have a day off work !!!!  In fact I have 3 days off as my boss is such a stickler for rules and has therefore made me take 3 days this week as my leave year ends at the end of this week and I had 3 days too many to carry over.  Sad woman.  I am so infuriated with her as she only told me this yesterday.  Don't get me wrong - time off work is great....when you want it !!!! Anyway, rant over....shops to hit and food to eat !!!!

Love to all

Jo


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## missyb

hi ladies

hope that you are all well and that you are enjoying the snow... blimey its so cold and both dd's are home as their school is shut!

af arrived last wednesday in all her glory and i still feel pants today.. although she has pretty much gone im still getting af pain.. whats that all about

hi kitty.. if i had a pound for everytime someone told me that i could have at least a mth off of work!!! i want to go 'no sh1t is that where i'm going wrong??... so it has nothing to do with the fact that i have 1 ovary and dps sperm swim backwards!!'

ok rant over ( i seem to sound more and more doolally as the years go on!!)

hi pand,susie,jobo,cinders,rambling and all you other secondary ladies!


Amanda xx


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## ramblingrose

Hi everyone.

Told you last week I'd be posting something miserable so here it is.

Not having a good day today. I've felt so positive for the past few weeks but just feel awful today and just feel like giving up. Even if I fell pregnant tomorrow (which is obviously impossible anyway) there would be a 9 year age gap between my ds and a sibling and I just don't know if I've left it too late. They're not going to play together anyway so what's the point?

Feel pretty unloved and unwanted right now - difficulties with DS (long story) and boss at work obviously has taken a dislike to me for some reason; and just feel I need someone to give me a hug and have my interests as their first concern - no one like that unfortunately so guess I'll just have to get on with it eh?

Everything I try for, it feels like I'm swimming through treacle. Nothing comes easy for me and DH in anything, we are that couple who never get any luck and if something can go wrong it will. It's just not fair.

I try so hard to be bright and chatty with anyone I meet and I think I've just worn myself out today trying to please people who don't give a stuff about me.

I really envy some of you who are younger/have more time on your side or have little children still. My DS is 8 1/2 and is just being horrible to me most of the time and that cute stage is a distant memory.

Why is life so crap?


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## jobo5572

ramblingrose - couldn't read and run hun . _We _ love you and want you. Sorry to hear you're still having problems with DS - you can e-mail or PM me an update any time. Living with SIF is sh1t enough at the best of times but if you have other stuff going on in your life and people (like your boss) treating you badly too, it just all feels so unfair, and it is. I could've throttled my boss last week (you know all about her from previous emails !). It is perfectly normal to feel "why me" and that everything is against you. And I don't know why life is so crap - but it sure feels like that for some of us and that sucks. Sometimes I try to take SIF out of the equation to see if things really are that bad, but for one it is so hard to forget about SIF, and secondly, yes, things are crap ! But hey, you're not that old ! I may be younger, but only by a year. I know what you mean about the age gap stuff - I know too that if I fell pg tomorrow (oh ha ha ha) there would be a 5.5 year age gap and that DS wouldn't really have a play mate. I think I've had to resign myself to knowing that now he won't have a little playmate in a younger brother or sister, but what bothers me now about him being alone is that when he's older and I'm 6ft under, he'll be on his own as an adult, so any sibling whatever age is still desperately what I want for him. If I knew how to help you through the treacle I would, but I'm struggling myself - I think we all just need to be there for each other as we all understand what each other is going through. Do not feel bad for posting on here about how miserable you feel - that's what we're here for, and you know you can email me the stuff you don't want to discuss on here. Hope you're OK 

MissyB - Hey twin  No snow here ! We had some yesterday but today it has all melted. No school closures, and work has been open too, worst luck . Hope you've been forgetting the tourettes medication and giving DP what for after last weeks forgetfullness !!!

Me ? Well, cack-a-doodle-dandy. AF arrived last week, and so I thought that I would be starting my next round of IVF the day after (SP this time) - as had been suggested by the clinic after my last failed/cancelled cycle, and promised by DH (probably as a way of calming me down after being hysterical at the clinic when they told me the news). I distinctly remember them all trying to convince me that January wasn't really that far away, when all I could think was that it was a f'ing lifetime away. Anyway, January's chance has been and gone - and all because my DH is an @rse, as he decided that he didn't think it was a good idea to go for round 2 and that we couldn't afford it . I was so flamin' angry with him, and so upset at the same time. Since my failed cycle, although I tried to put SIF to the back of my mind, I always knew that January was the next option - but no ! AAARRRGGGHHH. To top it all, the very same day, the neighbour that I wrote about a few weeks ago - the side of the pg sandwich with a lovely bump - well, she popped out a baby girl . I've never even met the woman, as they've recently moved here and keep themselves to themselves - but the moment I saw them through the window getting out of their car with a "Baby Girl" balloon I had to turn away before I saw the baby. How awful is that ? Bad timing I guess. Anyway, I am now rambling, so apologies.

Hope everyone is OK, and that those of you with the snow are enjoying yourselves in it !

Take care

Jo x


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## SUSZY

HI Girls            
Some things never change! sat here with a glass of wine   and have to come into a room away from the fire as the lap top crashed on me half way through a message   dh watching footy , cousin in other room on ** and me on ff !
I am so sorry that I have been awol for so long and have missed you all.    
Wanted to send you belated xmas and new year messages.  Sorry been away for so long naughty me  
dh has now come in saying he needs to come on here so have to go off for a few mins but will be back - he watching footy so lets hope his team win.

congrats to Whippet -     well done honey and enjoy every mo but make sure you rest up as well and good luck with the bfeeding.

cinders not long now - enjoy the last few weeks - you know where we are if you need our support. Our preg golden girl!   

jobo so sorry to hear about your news about Jan - so frustrating when you have been looking forward to it - hope you get it sorted soon.
looking forward to meeting up with you in the next few weeks and anyone else who wants to meet up. Whats going to happen next. Must admit although have moved on and its a good place to be just being on here briefly makes me think if I had 5k I would do it all again!

lainey     hope you are ok honey - thinking of you and here for you too - let me know if you fancy a meet up

pand     well done on your running and keep the good work up.  You sound like you are doing well. Here for you honey, let me know if you fancy a meet up on thursday 19th

missby     - hope you are ok honey and here for you as ever sweetheart

ffh -    any further forward with the ivf stuff - very frustrating. Good luck. here for you too.

rambling -    lovely to hear from you but sorry still having problems with ds here for you if you ever want to chat and you know we are not too far away to meet up, met up with some lovely girls last week and it was so nice.

sarylou    so sorry for your losses - you really have been having a rough time of it, am here for you honey as ever

rachfenton -    welcome and glad you felt able to post, this thread is a little quieter than it used to be but we are all still here from time to time to help.

keira -    Hi am sure I remember you from years ago and thanks for coming on again

kitty     hi too sweetie - hope you ok 

jane   know you are not coming on much but just wanted to say Hi and thinking of you and wishing you luck with whatever you are doing

have missed this more than anything                         

Lola is my new best friend - she makes me so happy - any of you on ** needs to go over and have a look at photo of ds and her.
She makes us all so happy and its just lovely to have her.
i have been so ok and its such mixed feelings as have missed being on here as well but when you come back on and see everyone you feel so sad for the ones left behind and happy (if not a little envious of the ones who its succeeded for) Its just all so emotive.

I am keeping busy with one thing and another and although life after ttc is really good and its such a relief its not all a bed of roses have still fallen out with people or they have had a go at me but now have dog and do lots of walking its very therapeutic.
I am also currently doing cosmic ordering all about being positive, having positive thoughts, working out what you want and just going for it.
Giving out good positive signals rather than poor me ones which I have always been very good at in the past.
you never know what is around the corner good or bad and I am learning to accept that and embrace it.
I have been dealt a  rough set of cards at times (bereavements, miscarriages, failed cycles, being let down by people)  but I have also dealt some great ones (dh most of the time! ds nearly all of the time) - Lola except for when she is raiding the bin and ds plate. We need to live in the mo as just never know whats going to happen next.
I continue to be upset by people but also to be have random acts of kindess done to me as I do to others if that makes sense.
I have loads more words of wisdom or my normal brain or should I say wine dump but may save for another night!!!
I am here for you all.  i still struggle a bit with ** as I cannot be as open as I can on here.

I have a new phone so have lost lot of peoples texts numbers.

I am travelling down to Bournmouth for cousins 40th and her daughters 1st and am leaving here on Thursday 19th and plan to stop near Bham and hopefully see Ang briefly and am meeting jobo at Tewsbury think she said its junction 9 be for a late lunch and would love to meet as many of you as possible.  We are all on this journey together and would love a group hug with all of you. (gosh how I have missed this)
lots of love and light and healing to you all

           

love to everyone I have missed. 
lots of love
Susie


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## ramblingrose

Just a quick message before bed. Jo, thanks so much for the lovely words, means a lot hun   Hope you can cope with seeing that little baby around for the next few weeks/months - I know how you're feeling - I'm avoiding any small babies/pregnant women at the minute  as really need to sort my head out about all that. My nephew is 9 weeks oold and lives round the corner and I've only seen him about 3 times   I just have to be in the right frame of mind to cope with it and not been in the right frame of mind much lately!

Not in a good place right now. Have a friend who's really upset me with her lack of concern and I know I should get over it but it really hurts as I've been very supportive of her in the past and could really do with her right now. Work has been a bit of a nightmare again today and to top it all I came home and found a letter waiting with a long-awaited appointment with a counsellor for next Monday - too short notice for me to try and sort work out so I can't go  . No idea how I'm goingto get round it as counsellor only does Mondays and I work Mondays but in any case I'm not in work now til Monday so can't even try and sort it out with my not-very-understanding-boss.  

Only thing keeping me going is the thought I don't have to go to work for a few days and DH is off at the weekend - a rare thing, and it's his birthday so need to try and sort myself out emotionally so I don't wreck his birthday!

Quite stressed and need to find my 'off button' soon otherwise I will crack up I think.


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## SUSZY

rambling        
here for you honey
we all love you and are here for you every step of the way

please have a look at this wonderful photo you will know why I am so ok now

http://www.********.com/photo.php?pid=1262499&id=677523597&op=1&view=all&subj=716601918

dont think its worked

susie

/links


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## missyb

aw rambling.. im so sorry that you feel so pants at the mo. have you had it out with your friend and also the person at work? sometimes people are completley clueless to the fact that they have upset you or in the case of your work colleague that they are making your life a misery. i know what you mean about age gaps... if i got pg tomorrow there would be 12 & 13 years between my dd's and the new baby. i know that the baby will be loved and that his/her sisters (and us obviously) and that the gap wont make too much of a difference.. well thats what im hoping. i guess we could always have 2 (ha ha like thats going to happen!!).

hi jobo.. you always make me larf... cack-a-doodle-dandy!! lol!!! im so sorry about dh (and we know what dh stands for) has he said that you can go ahead at a later date? i know that when we are ttc we are always waiting.. it is hard enough without someone moving the goalposts.. me and dp are so so... sometimes i wonder if giving up the nicotine is worth it as we are both so grumpy!!! ah well i just keep thinking of getting a bfp and all of the £ we've saved! thank you for the texts sweetie  


hi suzy... as always it's fab to hear from you.. thank you for the texts sweetie   im so glad that there is life after ttc and that it is good.

hi lainey... how are you sweetie?

hi pand... thank you for being my rock-especially in the last few mths.. you have always managed to make me larf even when things have seemed bleak. hope you are well and that moving on brings you some peace    

hi cinders... how much longer have you got hun?

while im on the subject of pg golden girls how is ec doing?

hope that you are all well...and that the snow isnt causing too much chaos!



amanda


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## Bambam

Hi Girls

Just to let you know I have removed Suszy's mobile number and email address from her post. No personal contact information is allowed to be included in posts but do feel free to pm each other your contact information if you like.

I hope you all understand

Amanda xx


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## ramblingrose

Naughty Suzsy   LOL

Couldn't see the pic though - is it of your lovely doggy? (Just a guess). Glad you are still feeling ok; your positivity is a really good example to follow.

Missy, as for the friend and the boss,,,,,,firstly, friend - been here before, I'm afraid and think it's a pointless exercise. As for the boss - more chance of turning salt into gold  

Anyway, feel so-so today; I felt very tearful earlier looking at my DS and thinking he will never know what it is like to have a brother or sister. That absolutely kills me more than anything I feel for myself. He's been a real sweetie today and I just would love him to have a brother or sister more than anything else in the world.

Have cancelled my counselling until I can mention it at work next week to see how well it goes down - thing is I know I will need other leave in the next few weeks for appt about DS' behaviour and also for the IVF consultation, so I don't want to push it being as I've only been there 3 months. Not got much leave left to take so don't know what I'm going to do really.

Thanks for the nice posts and love to everyone.
x


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Well, the snow finally arrived here today and DS's school was closed, so combined with my flexi day off work we had great fun playing in the snow, sledging and making a snowman - it was great !!!!  Here's hoping for loads more snow tonight so that I can't make it into work tomorrow   !

Suszy - so lovely to have one of your mammoth posts back on here  .  I've missed you on here, but fully understand why you don't come on here much any more - and thank you for keeping in touch via email and text  .  I'm really looking forward to meeting up with you again in a few weeks, whether it's just the 2 of us or whether anyone else can make it too.  The photo you sent last night was just lovely - DS and Lola look so wonderful together.  You are a true inspiration to us all on here Suszy - I wish I could be more like you !

ramblingrose - you sounded so down yesterday  .  I'm really sorry things are so bad for you and that things haven't yet been sorted with DS.  As for the "friend", I presume it's the one you've told me about via email ?  It doesn't sound like she's paying any attention at all to how you're feeling or what's going on in your life.  When you're down it's your friends that you turn to for support, and she really sounds like she's cocked up big time.  I know you've tried, but try not to let your efforts get you down any more as it really sounds like she is giving nothing back, and that is not what you need, especially right now.  As for your boss, well she also sounds like she needs a bit of a talking to (to put it mildly !).  At the end of the day, if you have a medical appointment to attend (and I'm sure counselling could be classed as that), then I'm sure you're well within your rights to attend.  It is none of her business that you're going for counselling, just as it really isn't any of her business about the IVF appointment.  If you feel that she isn't approachable or that she wouldn't be very amenable to your requirements for time off, is there someone else you could approach at work ?  The last thing you want to be doing is getting yourself worked up about asking for the time off.  All the times you need off are for very important issues - all of which are causing you a great deal of stress and need sorting out.  Sorry - I sound like I'm having a rant at you !  I'm not at all - I've just been there myself with some very unforgiving bosses.  I hope you can find the courage to speak to her, or to approach someone else, and to come to some sort of agreement - if they're not willing to just give you the time off, could you perhaps work the hours required somewhere else in the week or something ? As for DS not ever knowing what it'll be like to have a sibling - I think we've all been there, done that - I know at my counselling I was repeatedly told to stop beating myself up about it, as my DS cannot miss what he doesn't know.  On my good days I can be rational and see what they mean, but when I'm down it still upsets me greatly that my DS is in the same boat as yours and will never know what it's like, so I'm fully with you on that one hun.  I hope you have a lovely weekend with DS and DH, and you know where I am  

missyb - you make me laugh too, especially with your texts  

Cinders - hey pg lady - not long now  .  Hope you're OK.

Jo1983 - hope the move went OK and it's finally sinking in that you're pg now it's official !

FFH - any news on the next step ?  Hope you're OK too.

Hello to all the other ladies that dip in and out of here - I hope you're all OK


----------



## cinders35

Hello all,

Thankyou for still thinking of me  .

Big   to those of you who have been having a tough time of it.

Best of luck to those of you embarking on next part of your journey, and also to those of you dealing with the feelings and emotions involved with moving on  .

Conratulations to Emily Caitlin for the safe arrival of Sophie Elizabeth, hope you are managing to get some sleep. and I know you will be treasuring every minute on behalf of all the SIF girls  

I am 37 weeks now, and have been manically decorating the whole house and washing everything in site. My washing machine keeps waving a white flag at me, but I just put another white wash on then!

I am both nervous and excited now  . 

I still wake up some days and wonder if I've dreamt being pg, I have to check my tummy, but it soon becomes apparent that I really am when I get out of bed like an old woman, and my varicose veins start throbbing  .
This time last year I was about to embark on our 3rd IVF cycle, I started d/r on our half term holiday in disneyland paris. It all ended in tears, but I never dreamt in my wildest of dreams that I would be sat here pg. I will never forget just how lucky I am, ever.

I think it would be better to just put my announcement  on the birth announcements page, so look out for it there.

Love to you all (new and old!),

Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Evening ladies,

Sorry I haven't been on for a while.  I still keep an occasional check on the board, but I'm in such a different place now that I don't feel I belong here anymore.  Whilst I really want to be there for all of you, I also need to close the book on my SIF experience, and coming on here reminds me of so many sad and difficult times.  So I will pop in occasionally but won't be around much.  I hope no one minds and that you all understand.

It's kind of strange.  I have finally accepted I won't be having any more children and I think, for the most part, I have begun to come to terms with it... and do you know what... it's not the end of the world for me anymore.  I love the life I have with my DH and my little DS.  We are such a close threesome and I just want to savour every second of our time together.  I have managed to only cry twice since the new year which is huge progress!!  

I just want to leave the last three very unhappy years behind.  I feel like a door has closed and I don't want to look back anymore.  I also don't want to look forward because I know only too well that life could still be lying in wait for me!  So I'm living in the now.  I've been exercising loads, and losing weight and even had my hair chopped off.  I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see, not loathe it anymore.  My body will always be useless but I can live with it if it looks good!!!  

And would you believe, I went to an Anne Summers party last night.. and guess what... the Anne Summers rep was heavily pregnant!! It could only happen to one of us SIFers!  But instead of it upsetting me, I found it utterly hilarious!!!!  

I know there will be bad times and times when I find it hard, but I'm ready for the next chapter in my life.  I really do wish everyone on here the very best of luck whatever the stage of their journeys.  I still think of you all often, and will stay in touch though.

Take care all.

Love Pand


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## kittyx

hi ladies

Pand you sound like you're being so strong and i wish you every happiness in your life. 

Rambling sorry you're feeling so low. I think age gap doesn't matter any more. My dd is 5 next week and my dh says that if we ever have another baby it won't be a playmate for her but to be honest, that wasn't the only reason to have another anyway. Hope things get better for you.

jobo  hope you're ok. 

I went to Bil and Sil anniversary meal last night and my sil announced 2 pregnancies of people there, and her mum was shouting out that sil should have more babies!( they have 2 already). Even dh is starting to feel sensitive to this sort of thing now. One of the husbands of the pregnant girl ( 3rd child) (he also has 2 other grown up children) said to us "what a stud he is cos he'll have 5 kids and now getting a son!" That made my dh feel great! NOT! Some people! 

Anyway, rant over. 
Hope everyone was ok in the snow. Hope we don't get any more.

Love and hugs to all kittyx


----------



## missyb

awwww kitty.. some people are just so insensitive.. it's so hard when people seem to get pg at the drop of a hat.. they just dont realise how lucky they are  ... hope you and dh are ok.   our time will come.


where is everybody? it's gone v quiet.. im hoping that you are all well   


Amanda x


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Sorry, no time for personals as am busy trying to pack.  Am heading off for a few days with DS tomorrow so will be AWOL for a bit.  Just wanted to say hello to everyone and wish you all a happy half term !

Love Jo


----------



## kittyx

jobo hope you have a nice time. Anywhere nice?

Just a quick moan from me..........DD was 5 yesterday and when i went to check on her in bed last night felt really upset. Really thought i would have at least been pg by the time she was 5, and now i'm starting to panic about coming up 40. Am i too old? Need to have ovarian reserve blood test in a couple of weeks but still hoping i won't need to but at the same time thinking i'm scared what the results that test will show. Going mand i think  

Anyway, hope you're all ok and have a nice half term

love and hugs kittyx


----------



## missyb

awww kitty   i wish i knew what to say. i have 2 dd's from my first marriage and they are nearly 12 & 13.. im 36 and i feel like you that my time is running out... but i also know that women have babies well into their 40's so dont give up. at least if you have the test you will know where you stand and whats what. 

sorry i couldnt be much help... but just wanted to give you a   


amanda


----------



## ramblingrose

Just wanted to say thanks for the nice messages, and thanks to Jo for the lovely emails.  

Kitty, I know so much how you are feeling. My DS is 8 and I am 38 this year so I'm in a similar situation to you. Knowing what is wrong with me doesn't help really, in fact it makes me feel really cheated. Hope you're feeling a bit better today.  

Love and hugs to everyone else. Sorry to be short this time; promise a longer message next time.


----------



## kittyx

missyb and ramblingrose  thanks for your hugs.........sending some to you too    kittyx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Girls
just a quicke ,. for some reason my in box is showing full when its not, not sure if its something to do with my charter elapsing.
anyway I am meeting jobo tomorrow lunchtime at a place on m5 cannot remember which junction think it might be 7 so if anyone else fancies it just turn up.  I have lost a lot of peoples mobiles due to new phone and am unable to get personal msg so thought would post on here.
will be back again soon.
love
susie


----------



## Bambam

Hi Susie

I got your pm and checked your profile. You're showing as a Gold Member not a Charter Member so you will need to renew your subscription if you want the full 150 message inbox capabilities. If you check your profile and look in the section marked subscriptions it will tell you the date your current subscription ran out.

Hope that helps!! 

Amanda xx

PS The personal info thing is for members protection as we wouldn't want just any old tom dick and harry knowing your personal contact info


----------



## Bambam

While I'm on i just wanted to send you all some      and      for 2009.

Kitty   with your AMH test. I eventually plucked up the courage to have one done last year and out of all the poking, prodding and testing i'd been through i was the most nervous i'd ever been so i understand how you feel  

Amanda xx


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

Back from my mini-break with DS.  Very exotic holiday   - went "up north" !  Had a lovely time staying with and catching up with 5 different friends and their children (am originally from up north and still have school and Uni friends up there).  DS had a great time playing with all the children and it did tug at the heart strings to see him so happy in other childrens company but I tried not to let it get to me too much.  We even went to the beach !!!!  Yes, the beach in north western England in February  !  It was a lovely beach with fab sand dunes for the kids to play in/on and they all had a whale of a time.  However, all the happy times we had were also tinged with a little sadness - one of my friends told me that they've been ttc no.2 for over 12 months and have been referred to a fertility clinic - she is 37 and very worried that she's left it too late but I tried to reassure her that it's still a possibility at that age, and beyond.  She is the only close friend I have with only one child - all the others have 2 or 3 - and she struggled to conceive her first who is now 18 months old.  Bless her, she was heartbroken, yet also relieved that she knew of someone that she could talk to about SIF.  I am hoping and praying that it all works out for her (and all of us of course !).

Anyway, time for some personals.....

Suszy - really looking forward to our meet up tomorrow   - it's junction 9 off the M5 hun.  Can't wait to see you  

ramblingrose - hope you're OK hun  .  I've been worried about you.  Hope you've sorted out the people making your life a misery  .  Hope to meet up with you soon  

cinders - looking forward to hearing the news of your impending arrival !  Hope it all goes well for you and labour is pain free  .  Good luck hun  

kittyx - sorry to hear of the pg announcements and the insensitive comments from people who just sneeze and fall pg.  Good luck for your ovarian reserve test   

Pand - glad to hear you're in a different place now.  You must be feeling great, what with exercising, losing weight and having a new hairdo !

missyb - how's it going nutcase ?

FFH - how are you ?  Any decisions made about the next step ?

Well, back to work tomorrow, worst luck  .  Meeting up with Suszy will make it much much better tho !  As for ttc, well we didn't even try naturally this month - just couldn't be bothered after what DH did to me last month and in any case DH's shifts didn't really coincide very well timing-wise !!  I do finally have something to look forward to though - we have booked a summer holiday abroad - yippee   - and although it's not for 6 months yet, I'm really looking forward to it.  We've got it really cheap through a friend at work which is also a bonus !  DS is really excited as it's his first time abroad - OK so he doesn't understand the concept, but he's excited nonetheless bless him.

Must go and get myself sorted for tomorrow.  Love to all the lovely ladies on here  

Jo


----------



## kittyx

jobo Glad you had a good trip. Hope you helped to reassure your friend. I have some friends who have been ttc for a while now and i say welcome to my world and give them all the info i can that i've learned over the last 2 1/2 years and hope they get some help or ideas from that. Nice that you've got a hol to look forward to. We go away in April, I needed something else to think about.

HAve a nice meet tom with suszy. Wish i could meet up but it would take me all day to get there and back  

LOve to evryone else

Kittyx


----------



## whippet

jo try and reasure your friend I was 38 when my treatment worked for us. Margaret is now 6 weeks and I turned 39 2 weeks ago. There is always hope honey.

whippet x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies! 

hi jobo... nutcase? moi   it's nice being able to talk to someone who understands what you're going thru or more to the point you understand them. did you & suzy meet up in the end? hope you had a fab time. where are you going abroad? we have decided to try and sort the house out this year so no hols for us... im   we have a nice hot summer or else i may decide sod the house we need a holiday!! we didnt get round to ttc  really this mth.. and by the length of my cycle it seems like i ov'd straight after my period!  


hi whippet... i cant believe that baby margaret is 6 weeks already... it has all gone very quickly.. you give me some hope as i think at times i get really hung up on age  

hi kitty & bambam  

hi pand.. thank you for all the texts and support and keeping me sane!

hi suzy... big   hope you got to bournemouth ok hun. sorry that we didnt get to meet up & hope we do soon though... its been 2 years nxt mth!!


anyway, hoping that you are all well and that you have a lovely week-end!


Amanda xx


----------



## Sammeee

Hi Everyone....

I feel a bit selfish when so many have such difficulty getting any babies and i already have 3 boys. 2 from previous marriage. I got sterilised as at that time never in a million did i think i would meet the most wonderful man and want more children, but i did. I had my reversal in march 06 and 4 months later wham BFP which resulted in my almost 2yr old son. Since he was born ive desperatley wanted to give him a sibling ( big age gap with my other boys) but it just not happeneing. My DR after HSG and hormone checks says IVF is our best option, ive got 1 tube blocked, DH no issues. 

We go for Consultation at clinic this week..... and i cant wait to get started, but of course am nervous.

We had our hiv/hep bloods taken last week at DR.s.... any idea how long we have to wait for results??... i forgot to ask.

Also people with children with their partners trying for that 2nd or 3rd etc... what have your experiencies been like and results??

Im so glad ive found this site.... and some of the stories really give you hope.... !!

Thankyou Sammee X X


----------



## missyb

hi sammee   wanted to welcome you to the secondary thread. i can totally understand where  you are coming from. i have 2 older dd's (11 & 12) from my first marriage and me & dp are trying for a baby together..which has been an 'interesting' journey  

i have blown you some bubbles to get you started. good luck with the ivf journey. the girls on here are fab and will help you thru the rough patches! 

usually the hiv & hepb takes about 2 weeks to get the results.


Amanda xx


----------



## kittyx

hi all

sammee welcome.....good luck with your journey and i hope it's a sucessful one 

hope everyone is ok. 

kittyx


----------



## Sammeee

Ah thanks for welcoming me..... im so glad i found these boards!! 

What are the bubbles for??

Thanks Sam X


----------



## ramblingrose

Hiya ladies,

Very quick message from me as I'm off work sick at the minute and not feeling too well at all but I am bored out of my skull and wanted to come on the PC for half an hour before I go and see the quack.

Thanks Jo for your lovely words - still trying to sort people out that you mentioned, but this week I've just tried to focus on breathing and standing upright without keeling over  

Helloto Sammee, and love to everyone else. I've not even read all the messages (sorry  ) since I last came on as reading annoys me at the minute but hope everyone is ok. We're plodding on and nothing's really changed since last time I posted.

talk soon everyone.

x


----------



## whippet

Hi Samee the bubbles are for luck honey. Know what u mean about having kids and secondary infertility. I had a previous son hubby had no children. We finally had success with ICSI after natural, clomid and IVF had failed us - our daughter is 7 weeks now and asleep in my arm as I type. Never give up there is always hope   

whippet x


----------



## cinders35

Evening ladies.
Bit quiet on here!
I have put my announcement on the birth announcement page, so that if you are up to it you can go and nosey, if not I TOTALLY understand.
Much love,
Cindersxxx


----------



## emsylou

hello evryone, just thought id pop on to say hi, i hope evryone is doing well?? Omg feels like i havent been on here for ages lol, anyways i suppose i should tell you my news, im 8 weeks pregnant!!! we have been having a few problems with bleeding and things but we have another scan tomorrow.
anyways i been thinkin about you all.
x x x


----------



## jobo5572

Just a quickie ladies as I'm at work.......

Cinders - such fantastic news hun  ! CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby son  !!!  Thank you so much for texting me the news - it really made my day on Monday.  I will post a super dooper colourful congratulations post on the birth announcements bit for you.  Well done hun - and what a whopper !!  You are a real inspiration to us all and I wish all the very best to you, DP & DD for the special baby that you have waited so long for   xxxx  I know he will be one special and very much loved little boy.  Take care of yourself  

Emma - congratulations on your BFP  

Whippet - hoping you and Margaret are OK  

ramblingrose - so sorry to hear you've been so poorly .  Thanks for keeping me posted with your texts - just want to know that you're OK  

Sammeee - welcome to the board  

kittyx - hope you're OK  .  We're going to France in August for 2 weeks - can't wait !  Where are you going in April ?

missyb - yo flo !  How're you doing ?  Thanks for your texts.........he's still breathing  

Me ?  Bit emotional this week but OK.  Have decided to try and forget about ttc as it really has ruined my life in so many respects.  Emphasis on the "try" though - sometimes it just doesn't happen and I get all consumed by SIF again.  For now I am focussing on losing weight (have lost just under 4 stone in 6 months on WW) and have entered the Race for Life with a friend from work - she wants to do it in memory of her BF who has just died from ovarian cancer, and I want to do it for all the friends and family I've lost to the disease, particularly my friend who died a few years ago at the age of just 29 from breast cancer.  Sorry, I'm not being too cheerful am I ?  I'm just trying to do something positive for a change and stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself as it's not doing me any good.  It looks like I'm not going to have the chance of being pg ever again so I need to buck my ideas up and do something with my life.  Another friend from work with primary IF had 2 embies transferred on Monday so I have everything crossed for her and she really deserves for this to work after all she's been through.

Love to everyone.  Will try and write more soon.

Love Jo x


----------



## amanda21

Hi 
      Thought i would come n say hi to you all,ive  been a ff member for a few years but hadnt been on here for a long while.Thats because i had to lose weight before i could be considered for tx.
I have children from a previous marriage but that didnt work out.I have re-married (7 yrs ago in april)and have been trying for a baby ever since.D/h has no children so here i am.

    Lv Amanda x


----------



## jobo5572

Hi Amanda21 - welcome to the thread  

It's gone awfully quiet on here.........................


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!


Welcome Amanda im another amanda in a very similar position to yourself... the ladies on here are fab so you've come to the right place.


hi jobo... how are you my sweets? ive been trying not to get too obsessed so although ive been spying on you all to make sure you're all ok.. i havent been posting.. next week i will have been on here for 2 years without even a sniff of a bfp   ah well looks like im here for the duration... how is dh (still breathing?? lol)  

congrats em!!!!!


love to all who i havent mentioned but havent forgotten



Amanda xx


----------



## amanda21

Hi All

        Thanx for that Amanda,it is very quiet on here isnt it.

                                      Amandaxx


----------



## CurlyGirl

Hi everyone  

I'm quite new to FF and not quite sure where I fit in best!

I have a DD aged 2 and 8 months with DH, project sibling not happening - 3 miscarriages since started trying in June 2006.  Last one was terrible as lost my Mum to a stroke in September and day 1 of that BFP was her funeral day, so took it as a good omen, but darling twins had no heartbeat at first scan at 10.5 weeks, they had stopped growing about 1-2 weeks earlier.  All these were natural, but I suspected something was wrong so looked around to see what private clinics did thorough testing and went for full immunology tests at ARGC in February.  These picked up some immune issues so am now on Humira to try to get body more baby friendly before we can start trying again.  Just had first shot last Friday, so another in 2 weeks time then I can retest to see if it has worked.

Also got some MF issues (very low sperm count), so might end up with assisted conception if we can't get pregnant in the ideal 3 month window after the treatment.

I feel guilty when I look at DD that I really want another, but I always dreamed I'd have 2 quite close in age, ideally about 2 year gap - but now absolute minimum of 4 school years.  Keep trying to think on the positive side though, if we are lucky enough to get pg again, they won't be doing GCSE's or A levels at the same time, more time for first baby before sibling comes along, probably much easier to be pregnant with an older child with lifting etc.

Good luck to you all xxx


----------



## amanda21

Hi CurlyGirl

            Well you have certainly had a bit of a hard time (((hug))) but you have certainly come to the right place.There are some great message boards on here with loads of info and the Girls are really helpful and supportive.

                                Amanda xx


----------



## kittyx

hi curly girl 
sorry you've had such a hard time. Have a look at the thread about age gaps on the sif site. Interesting reading. Wishing you luck on your journey  kittyx

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## whippet

Curlygirl had to laugh at your GCSE comment cause yes you guessed it my son is sitting his highers and my beautiful ICSI daughter is 10 weeks old. Dont get hung up on ages honey cause its fab at any age  

whippet x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies

i found the thread about age-gaps very re-assuring especially as my girls will be 12 + 13 this year... i dont feel it is as bigger deal as i made it out to be (in my head)   

hope that you are all well and enjoying the lovely weather we have been having.


Amanda xx


----------



## Sammeee

Hi Missy.. curlygirl... Kitty.. whippet and everyone else!1..

Not posted on here for a coupla wks... gotta have lap salpingectomy next wednesday as at IVF cons they found hydrosaplinx on my right tube.... so it has to be removed, plus my DR says he may have to perform open surgery as opposed to keyhole due to past surgeries but wont know till he's in there... Great!!,.. to say im shi*ting myself is putting it mildly.. so really not looking forward to that, but trying to keep positive!!...

Age gaps with kids... well mine (all boys) are 17, 12 and 2.... 17 + 12 were great wehn growing up.. the older one was very helpful but they also played together great... kept each other company etc... when the oldest hit 15 he kind of stopped having time for the little brother... i think it became uncool... AAGh!!..LOL
12 yr old with 2yr old.... sometimes i wonder who is the biggest kiddy.. in the nicest way... again he is great with his little brother. the hardest thing i find is because they are all at diffrent levels trying to please them all but in reality its no big deal!!..... if you get age gaps then you just deal with it for what it is.. a gap!!

Curlygirl I like you have been ttc 2yrs (since day baby was born) I had a TR in march 06 and caught straight away... both myself and dh wanted to have at least another one together, and one close in age toi my youngest... its not happened so now we are attempting to get on the ivf... no MF issues... ive got tubal issues!!... At least you are now getting help with your issues... its just a bummer it takes so long to find out what is wrong and very disheartening when you have had no issues in the past!!... GL and fingers crossed you get your sticky BFP soon!!

Sammee XX


----------



## crystalclaire

hi chicks  ,
      do you mind if i join you? me and dh been ttc 2.5 yrs i have a dd from previous rl, we have our first appointment at hosp next wends to see whats going on   im scared dont know what to expect   . Reading through all the happy endings has uplifted me  . lots of  to everyone and will be   for you all xxx


----------



## missyb

hi cc... i have responded to your post on the 2ww... just wanted to welcome you on here too. the girls on here are great and have been a lifeline to me. i have blown you some bubbles to get you started.



hi everyone! its gone quiet on here. hoping that everyone is just busy and that you are all well.


 


Amanda xx


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies

Sorry I haven't posted for a bit....am in complete limbo-land at the moment and hating it  .  Anyway, more about me later....time for personals:

Amanda21 - hope you are well  .  This thread didn't used to be this quiet but I know of a few who have got their BFP's or have had their little ones and/or have moved on from ttc.  Hopefully those of us that are still around can support one another through this brown smelly stuff.

curlygirl - welcome to the thread  .  Hope the Humira works for you  .  Being completely ignorant of anything to do with immune issues, is this something that's only tested for after mc's ?  As you'll see from my profile, we have no explanation for our SIF which is bl00dy frustrating to say the least, and I was just wondering if immune issues was something I need to look into or if it's not applicable as I haven't actually fallen pg at all in over 3 years of ttc ?  Sorry to be so thick on this matter  

kittyx - how're you doing hun ?  Have you had your AMH test and/or results ?  Hope you're OK  

whippet - hope you and baby Margaret are doing well 

cinders - hope you and baby William are doing well too .  Have you found anything to stem the colic ?

jo1983 - not sure if you still read this thread any more - just wondering how the bump is coming along ?

missyb - hello matey, how're you doing ?

sammeee - good luck for your lap salpingectomy today (?)  .  Hope they sort everything out for you.  I understand your frustration of it taking so long to find out what was wrong - I've been ttc for over 3 years with no ruddy explanation as yet and it drives me to despair !

crystalclaire - welcome to the thread .  Good luck for your hospital appointment  

Me ?  Well as I've said, I just feel in complete limbo-land at the moment and I hate being out of control.  We did IVF back in Sept/Oct last year which was a disaster, and were supposedly doing it again in January this year with sp instead of lp - that was until DH decided that we couldn't afford it at the very last minute so we didn't do it and I was devastated.  I'm conscious that time is ticking and I'm getting old (soon to be 37) so any eggs that I might have left (if any) will probably be shot anyway.  I mentioned to my consultant back in November about having an AMH test but he didn't seem to think I needed one but not sure why he thought that - I think his explanation was something like even if it came back not so good it would still be the IVF route we had to go down anyway - or something like that  .  Anyway, as I'm getting so old   I've managed to convince myself that I NEED to know what my ovarian reserve is because that will give me an answer as to whether or not it's even worth bothering to ttc naturally every month or whether to give IVF another go (after I've robbed a bank that is).  And do I need to have my FSH done again ?  I'm just so confused.......decided to try and get an appointment with my consultant but found out last week he's on LT sick leave and may be back at the end of April but that any appointment wouldn't be until end of May/June at the earliest, and longer if I wait to see him on NHS.  And to confuse me even more, a few weeks ago when I went for a smear at the GP's, I met a GP I'd not met before who was very interested in my history and asked why I'd not been prescribed Metformin ?!?  She said that as I was verging on PCOS and was told I was "multi-cystic" then I should've been given Metformin to try.  Does anyone have any info on Metformin ?  I'm just so confused and want to talk to someone about it all and what my next step should be but in the absence of my consultant and the GP not being able to prescribe Metformin or do AMH tests etc. I'm just in limbo-land !!!!  I know you all know what I mean when I say I can't afford to wait around and time is of the essence.....when you're desperately ttc the last thing you want to do is wait around.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, sorry.  I think for a few months I've been in denial about this whole ttc business and have been trying so hard to put it to the back of my mind but it has reared it's ugly head again and won't go away.  Any advice gratefully appreciated lovely ladies.

Hope everyone is OK and I will try and post more often.  Currently at work so better shoot.

Love to all

Jo


----------



## amanda21

Hi Jo

    Well im on metformin and its worked well for me,its regulated my AFs and i have lost weight and have more energy.I have PCOS,was diagnosed with it 4 yrs ago but wasnt told about it til last year,was rather angry.Anyway i atart IVF in June/July its all an experience for me as it will be my first time.

                                      Love to all.

                                Amanda


----------



## Jo1983

Well Hello there ladies.........long time no see  

I haven't abandoned you lovely girls, I've been reading and keeping up to date with you all, thanks for still thinking about me  

Jo, hun, I have no advice on the Metformin I'm afraid, have you had a look on here to see if anyone has any info? or is that a silly question  
Maybe you could call the clinic and ask to speak to a Nurse rather then your con and see what they say. How are you and dh getting on nowadays....do you still want to bury him in the garden? Sorry I've not text for a while, really struggling with working these nights and bumpy. I'm always here for you hun if you need me  

Cinders, Hope you and little William are doing well, and you are not too tired. The pics on ******** are absolutely beautiful  

Missy, how are you hun? here's hoping that your 2 years on here will be worth it this year  

I'm at work at the min so will say a quick Hi to Kitty, Em, Susie, Whippet, Rambling and anyone else I've missed, it's not intentional.  

A big hello to the newbies too, you will get a massive amount of support from the ladies here, hope to get to know you all better.

Quick update on me; I have 19 weeks left and counting....I can't believe it's actually my turn. Thank you all so much for thinking of me. 
Bumpy is doing just fine, down's test came back high risk as it did with ds so no suprises there, what will be will be. I will try and post a bit more, just don't feel that I 'belong' anymore, but I'm always checking up on you all and missing you   
My edd is 11/08/09 my ticker is 3 days out but haven't got round to changing it yet. (lazy as usual)

Lots of love and luck to you all
Jo xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hello my lovelies!!!
Sorry have been AWOL! Welcome to the newbies, I am an oldie!!! Strictly speaking I don't belong here anymore, but it was "home" to me for so long that I still pop in occasionally to check up on my ff. Though a lot of us seem to have moved on one way or another, I couldn't have got through without the support of the ladies on here  .

Jobo, sure there are some threads about metformin around. Have you done a search, or noseyd round the polysistic area? Nice to have a GP show some interest, and offer a new idea is fab! Sorry you in limboland, what's the weather like there?   I used the bath stuff you sent last night for 1st time. Thank's, it was lurrrrrvely!

Jo, over half way there! Well done you! Bet those nights are a killer. You must have a lovely bump by now  .
Thank's for still mentioning me you guys.
Ds looks so much like dd as a baby, it's uncanny! But he is COMPLETELY different baby. Dd was easy, placid good sleeper from day 1. Ds...not so much! Poor little mite has colic, and has spent the first weeks of his life howling with tummy pain  . Which has had a fairly similar effect on his mummy   !!

Wishing you all well, and to hang on in there  .
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

its so lovely to hear from cinders and jo as it gives me hope. at times i just want to give up and get my life back but i know in my heart of hearts i'm not quite there yet. you guys will always belong here! 

hi jobo... how is dh ( ) i have no advice re metformin but my friend is now pg with her 2nd in the time we've been trying thanks to metformin so it has got to be worth a try. im good hun.. glad it's the weekend!

hi pand.. thinking of you hun... i know you are moving on but you are always in my thoughts.

hi newbies! hope you are doing well.


as for me on wednesday i joined weight watchers.... i weighed myself at work which was   (im officially the size of a baby elephant!) but between lunch and ww i had gained 4lbs (i only had a flippin bagel!!) so my mission is to become a yummy mummy for the summer which will take my mind off of failing to get a bfp!


so i will keep you posted!



hope you are all well.

Amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

I haven't posted on here for a long time, but like Jo1983 I have been peeping in for a while.  I got to a stage where I don't feel like I belong here anymore.  I'm neither pregnant, nor ttc anymore.  I'm just trying to accept my lot in life and move on so posting on here feels like I'm back in the old pit.  But when I saw that some of the oldies had been on I thought it would be rude not to say hello!

Jo1983 - Really thrilled for you.  Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well.

Jobo - From what I understand Metaformin is sort of like clomid.  Hope you can make a decision and find your next way forward.

Cinders - Really sorry the little one has colic.  DS was a nightmare as a baby, I think boys tend to be worse than girls from what I've heard.  Hope it settles down for him soon.  I remember how hard those first few months were, but the reward will be so worth it so hand on in there.

Missyb - Thanks for thinking of me chick. I'm not as sorted as you might think honest!  Just trying to find some way of getting my life back!  Your texts help to keep me sane.  We shall be yummy mummies together in the summer!

Lainey - Hope you're well chick.  Text me soon and let me know how you're getting on!  Thinking of you!

Susie - If you're still checking I still think of you.  Hope you're ok chick.

A big hello to all the others (Rambling, FFH, Whippet) and any others I haven't mentioned and welcome to the newbies!  I'm sure you will find some wonderful friends on here just like I have.  I hope this thread gives you all as much support as it has me over the last three years.  I'm afraid my story doesn't end with a happy ending so I'm sorry if it doesn't inspire you as much as some of the other members, but moving on with just one isn't so bad honest.  I just want you all to know that you can come out the other side of all of this.  My path isn't an easy one (we have completely stopped ttc), but it's not as bad as you might think.  So whichever way your journey ends up, there is life after SIF honest.  Most of the time I'm ok with my life and happy with my lot.  Every now and then I have a minor blip and pregnancies and announcements still hurt, but not as much as they used to.  I just wish everyone the best of luck I really do.  

Love Pand


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

Good grief, the TV is [email protected] tonight  

amanda21 - thanks for the info on Metformin and I'm glad it's working for you.  I wish you the very best of luck for your tx in June/July  .  In the meantime I look forward to "speaking" to you more.

Jo1983 - hello stranger   !!  Of course I'd still love to bury DH in the garden but I guess I need his swimmers so I'd better hold fire for now  .  Hope bumpy is behaving itself - it'll be making an appearance before you know it !  And yes, you're [email protected] at texting  !!!!

cinders35 - lovely to hear from you on here.  So sorry the colic is causing William so much pain and discomfort and upsetting you too .  I hope it passes really soon.  Glad the bath stuff is OK and hope you get the chance to use it often !  Keep us posted on how you're doing  

missyb - hello nutcase  .  Good luck with WW though you don't look like you need to go.  I've lost 4 stone since August on WW (yep, fat biffa me  ).  Resisting the Mini Eggs has been the hardest thing but then I am addicted to anything Cadbury's  .

Pand - nice to hear how you're doing.  Sorry to hear about the minor blips - I guess SIF sticks with you forever and there's always going to be times when it hits you when you least expect it and it gets you down  .  We understand where you're coming from even if others don't.  I wish you well.

ramblingrose - how's things ?  Keep meaning to post on ** but am useless at using it   !  Hope you're OK  

Suszy - I know you're not coming on here much but wanted to say hi in case you were having a peek.  Looking forward to seeing you on the 15th  

Lainey - hope you're doing OK.

Everyone else - hope you're all doing OK  

I went to my own GP on Thursday (not the same woman who talked about Metformin).  Anyway, I tried to persuade her to do another FSH test, asked about getting Metformin, and asked about what to WRT not getting to see my consultant - I got absolutely nowhere and was not a happy bunny   !!  It made things a little difficult as I had to take DS with me so the conversation didn't quite flow as it should've done as he has VERY big ears and picks up on everything, however subtle you try and make it.  For weeks now he has been pestering me about having a brother or sister and asking me why I'm not having a baby  .  It really breaks my heart as he sometimes gets quite upset about it all.  I haven't even begun to explain to him about what's been happening (or not !) over the past 3 years - I just don't think he's old enough to understand but I fully intend to keep my IVF diary to show him in years to come, to show how hard I tried to provide a sibling for him.  I just keep saying "Mummy's trying" and managing to change the subject, but it just keep coming up over and over again..........any tips gratefully appreciated  .

Whilst at the GP I was telling her about various things that have been happening to me and some pain that I've been having (TMI so I won't go into it) and she thinks it may be endometriosis rearing its ugly head again.  However she didn't suggest (and nor did I as I was too busy keeping an eye on DS) having a lap again as I did about 6/7 years ago.  I am now wondering whether I should go back and ask to be referred for one ?  It was something that was on my mind anyway as I'm determined that someone should have a look in there to see what the ruddy hell is going on - my consultant was reluctant last year to do one though as he said the scar tissue in itself could cause me problems.  Aaarrgghh.  I give up.  Oh, and one thing I forgot to mention to you all after my last GP appt when I was told about Metformin - she asked if I used to be on the pill and when I said yes, she asked if I was on it for a long time and then did I come off it and get pg straight away ?  Well, I was on it for about 15 years, came off it, got married, and one month later I was pg.  She says that there has been some research done (??) to suggest that some women whose fertility is rubbish anyway can get pg after being on the pill for a relatively long time as it's almost as if coming off it kicks your body into action temporarily - in other words she was hinting that perhaps my fertility was always going to be [email protected] but the fact I was on the pill for so long and came off it just as I started ttc was just what I needed.  So, perhaps I need to go back on the pill ?!?!? Not for 15 years though, eh  ?!!  Can you understand why I am so confused  ?!!?!?!?!?

Anyway, enough rambling from me.  I hope you are all enjoying your saturday night and have a lovely easter break !!  I am off work for the next 2 weeks bar 2 days - yippee  !!!!!

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## ramblingrose

Yes, Jo, TV is [email protected] tonight  

Hi ladies, long time no speak. Sorry not to have been on for a long time but I've been really ill, and even when I started getting better and using the PC again I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to post here, if that makes any sense?

TBH I've not read all the messages since I last came on, so forgive me if I'm missing anything obvious - in my usual way I will go and read everything after I've posted  

Jo, no idea what Metformin is, never heard of it   - oh, and cheers for the 'old' references - I'm 37 1/2 so even more ancient than you  

Other Jo, can't believe you are so far along; where has the time gone? Hope the rest of the pregnancy runs smoothly for you.  

A general hello to everyone else and sorry for not doing more personals, but you're all in my thoughts.

As for me - well, without going into a long, boring story, I've been really ill with a virus which has also made my arthritis flare up really badly, and I've had 4 lots of blood taken in the last 5 weeks   - with another lot to come next week. My levels are all over the place and I have an appt with the rheumatoid nurse at the end of the month to discuss how to sort myself out, although generally that means upping my daily medication.  

I had to have 3 weeks off work, and had a trip into hospital thinking I was having a stroke - thankfully (ish) 'just' a severe migraine but very scary nonetheless. Had sick notes from the docs, but work have still disciplined me when I went back, and I was told on my first day back they might possibly sack me  . To cut a long story short they didn't but I had a disciplinary meeting this week, with the union bloke there to advise me, and basically they can do what they like as I'm not quite out of my 6 month probationary period - so they have failed me on my probation because of being off ill (even though they don't dispute I was genuinely ill as it was them that sent me home and they have the docs notes! and also know my medical history). So I'm not a happy bunny; there are one or two appeals on technicalities going through but I don't hold out much hope. My probation (which should have ended in 3 weeks) has now been extended until end of July. God help me if I'm off again!!!! (I hasten to add I'd not had a day off before that, and in previous jobs have never had more than a couple of days off). I've also had a written warning which stays on my record for at least 6 months, maximum 18 months.

Anyway, I hate the job anyway but don't want to have a dismissal on my record or a warning so I ain't impressed! Have made enquiries with my old boss about going back there, and still considering my options.

Fertility-wise, well, I called my hospital in January to ask them to send my referral for IVF through to Liverpool; and as I was ill end of Feb through to mid March I just left it and didn't chase it up and I was too ill. But once I started feeling better I chased it up, and after a few phonecalls/emails, it turns out Liverpool never received my referral as it has been sitting in a doctor's tray for the last 2 1/2 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She has been off sick for a few weeks and so it's not been touched!!!!!!!!! So I'm a bit upset (OK, a lot upset) about that, but hopefully things might get moving now. Almost 3 friggin months!!!!!!!!!

So, in short, last few weeks have been bloody awful, but am hoping for a better time to come. Loads of other stuff going on which I shan't bore you with, but I'm hanging on in there for the time being!

(OK, I said I wouldn't go into a long and boring story but I did)!!!

Love to you all. Thank the lord spring is here, my favourite time of year   

(I've not always felt this light-hearted of late, but I think the wine is helping tonight   _

xxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

aw jobo no wonder you're   i would be (not that it's hard for me!) i've heard that too with regards to the pill... but like you i'd be wondering how long i need to be on it for it to do the trick! so where was it left with the gp? did you get the met? hun you've done sooooo well to lose 4st since august... i need to lose at least 2 and im determined to do it! 


hi rambling... aw hun you just dont need the stress do you love? they are such f  that on top of the fertility stuff would be enough to make me   lets hope that you have a better time of it soon hun  


not much to add from me other than im hungry and could eat a scabby horse (deep-fried of course)!! im dreading getting on the scales next wed!!!


hope you are all well.


Amanda x


----------



## jobo5572

Another evening of [email protected] tv 

*ramblingrose* - Hi old bird . I cannot believe your work - was this all down to that wench you've been telling me about ? She needs a slap, the silly . You have enough on your plate without work giving you grief as well. That is so bang out of order . I don't know anything about employment law and probationary periods etc., but surely the fact that you had bona fide sick notes from the GP should make them understand that you weren't just pulling a sickie for 3 weeks for goodness sake ? I am hoping that you get a suitable outcome to all of this and I hope your Union have been helpful. You can email me in more detail, but I hope that K is behaving herself ? And I hope all is OK with DS. As for that doctor sitting on your notes -  - makes me so mad ! I know you were too poorly to progress with anything but that's not the point. Do these people not understand the need to move more quickly with these sorts of things ?! I must stop before blow a gasket ! Will catch up on email 

*missyb* - doesn't take much for me to be  as I have no brain, but I am certainly confused with all this ! I just don't have a way forward other than ttc naturally at the moment which means getting  with DH when I'd rather just bury him under the patio . Didn't get the Metformin from the GP - got nowt actually  so am still in limbo-land . I give up ! Oh, and I find scabby buffalo much more appealing than scabby horse . Good luck with the weigh in - that little finger of yours must be big as I don't see an ounce of fat on you anywhere else - I, on the other hand, make Buddha look anorexic 

SIF aside, I am extremely happy that I don't have to get up tomorrow to go to work 

Love to all

Jo


----------



## missyb

evening ladies....

im in a state of shock... did atest and got a


----------



## Jo1983

Missy

OMG!!!!!! When did you test hun? WOW, how fabulous  

 xxx


----------



## jobo5572

*Missyb * - just about choked on my tea when I got your text !!! FANTASTIC NEWS hun, you sly horse !!!!

[fly]            [/fly]

Now you can say  to WW !!! You're eating for 2 now so s0d the diet !

Well done - so happy for you xxx


----------



## Bambam

OMG *MissyB* what fabulous news     



Amanda xx


----------



## lyndalou

MissyB  Wow Wow fantastic!   

Well ladies not been on for a while but back on the rollorcoaster again! Sniffing at moment and start my injections on Saturday so no turning back now!


----------



## whippet

MissyB fantastic news what a dark horse you are   

whippet x


----------



## Pand

Missyb,

What a complete surprise!  Just goes to show, you just never know do you?  Am absolutely over the moon for you hun, but you know that.  Big hugs and take it easy.

Love Pand


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*Missyb * - has it sunk in yet ?!

*Lyndalou * - good to hear from you again, and good luck with this tx 

Just came on here really to post a link to a SIF article for you all:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/women_shealth/5088578/Secondary-infertility-One-is-not-enough.html

Love Jo x

/links


----------



## Sammeee

WOW MISSYB................Absolutely Fantastic News!!!... Congratulations!!   XX


----------



## missyb

hi ladies..


Just wanted to thank you all again for all your wishes. we are still in shock and to be honest i dont know what to do with myself... im scared  less !!


amanda x


----------



## cinders35

Absolutely wonderful news hun.
So absolutely thrilled!!!

    on that lovely     
Lot's of love,
Cindersxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Cinders  Just wanted to say a massive Congrats on the birth of your son How wonderfull


----------



## lyndalou

whippet  Big congrats to you too hon   wow everything happening on here while I was hibernating x


----------



## Jane D

Sorry I have gone awol for some time, but have been looking in and just had to post.

Many congrats to Missy B - marvelous news.  I am delighted to see a BFP here.
Jobo - that article just summed up everything about SI.  I noticed an article about Penny Lancaster and Rod Stewart last weekend.  She has been tryingfor a year.  I remember a year ago her proclaiming in the papers she was going for number 2, I did worry for her then in case she had problems and the poor lady has.

Dont know if I came on here and told you all, but I am now 12 weeks pregnant thru DEIVF at Ceram of Spain. Still feel like it is not happening.  Now got to go out and buy all the stuff I had previously sold off!!

To everyone out there big hugs and love


Jane


----------



## jobo5572

Jane D - good to hear from you again, and CONGRATULATIONS !!!  Another BFP on here !      I wish you all the very best with your pregnancy  

Missyb - how're you doing pregnant lady  ?!


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi ladies.

Jo, just wanted to say thanks for posting that link. It really got me right in the gut, so much of what she wrote there, and I'm intending to print it out for others to read as none of my friends or family 'get it' at all.

I've spent some time with my 4 month old nephew today and he was grinning away at me as if he's taken quite a shine to me, and while it was lovely in some ways, it was absolutely crushing in another.

Main news from me, re the balls up with my referral, is that I had a phone call from the hospital mid-week to say that as I am a private referral, my GP needs to do it.    

So almost 3 months of sitting in someone's tray when it needn't have been there in the first place.    So GP is now referring me, but I'm not a happy bunny, and at the moment I feel quite angry. Why the **** didn't they tell me that at the time?

Anyway,less of my selfish moans; I am really pleased (genuinely) for you ladies with BFPs - gives the rest of us some hope (although obviously I'm a bit of a lost cause without IVF and being as my health hasn't been great generally and I've now resigned from my job, it ain't looking too likely that we can go down that route.)

Sorry for being so miserable.  I'm off up North to see the family next week and looking forward to that at least.

Take care everyone.

x


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - so sorry to hear you're having such a cr*p time  and I hope that your decision to resign from your job was the best choice for you and you didn't feel forced into it by the ar*eholes you worked for . They really did treat you appallingly and it's disgusting that people can get away with doing things like that . I also can't believe that you have been mucked about so much in the wait for tx - WTF is wrong with people ? Don't they understand the emotional turmoil we're all in ? Well, sadly, I guess they don't which is why they don't bother sorting things out ASAP. Anyway, I will email you after posting and we can catch up properly 

My sister, BIL & 2 brats are down this weekend. Earlier on we all went out for a meal and the 2 brats were on top form. My sister said to me "see, aren't you glad you've not got 2 kids ?" - er, NO !!!!! I know she didn't mean anything by it and probably didn't think before she opened her mouth, but it still hurt . I guess it is only SIF people that understand as we have all said on here before. I was glad that the SIF article was in the Telegraph but there just doesn't seem to be enough of those articles around and I bet people don't realise it exists and/or how it affects people - I know I didn't before I was told I had it.

Anyway ladies, only 2 more sleeps until the easter bunny arrives 

Love to all

Jo


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Missyb and Jane D- huge congrats, couldn't believe my eyes, 2 bfp's on this thread!!!                

Hope you're all ok, I've been lurking on here and checking up on you all.  Actually I've started IVF, am currently downregging, but trying not to make too big  a thing of it.

Love and hugs to everyone

FFH xxx


----------



## whippet

Jane congrats to you too honey well done  

Rambling - dont apologise honey we all here for one another always  

Faith good luck with the d/r and the stimms honey keep in touch hope this is your cycle honey  

Jo people say the wrong things without thinking but you are so right yoiu have to go through the IF journey to understand it   for you hang in there

lyndalou thanks and how are you doing now that you out of hibernation?

love to all
whippet x


----------



## jobo5572

*FFH * - just wanted to wish you the very best of luck with your IVF tx  . So glad that you and DH came to a decision as I know you were deliberating over it for quite some time. Good luck !!

*Whippet * - thank you


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Whippet - Thanks

Joboi - Thanks too. Once we'd finally made the decision it really felt like the right thing to do. Even if it doesn't work at least we'll know, and we might even find out a bit more about what the problem is.
How's things with you? I was sorry to read that your DH suddenly put the spanner in the works with your treatment.

FFH


----------



## TC2

Hi i am just an old timer - who lurks around this thread to check in on old friends - and wanted to say congratulations to Cinders!  and of course to Jane.

My boys are now 17 months and i look at them every day and give thanks for my little miracles - Proof - Good Stuff does sometimes happen!  but i know how it is to live in the dark days and i will never forget that pain.  Keep hopeful and your dreams might just come true.

Good luck everyone.

Teena x


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladesi Hoep everyone is doing ok!

Had scan yesterday and there was 10 follies! Scan again tommorow x


----------



## jobo5572

Lyndalou - yay for those follies  !!  Well done and lots of   for the next step.

Missyb - you shifted those bowels yet hun   ?!!

FFH - how're you getting on with your tx ?  Hope you're OK  

TC2 - nice to hear from you and to see that miracles do happen.

Nothing to report really - am going to call my consultant's secretary on Monday to see if he's back from sick leave yet and will take it from there.

Love to all

Jo


----------



## hazelm

Hi I hope you dont mind me joining you guys. I thought it would be nice to chat to some people in the same boat as me. I have a 9year old son who I conceived naturally with a previous partner but have had no luck since then. I find it so hard going up the school and seeing so many people pregnant with siblings for their children and also when I meet strangers who ask me if I didnt want any more children and thats why I only have 1. I never know how to respond when people ask me that. I sometimes feel like an outsider, people tell me I am luckly that I at leat have 1 which I do I feel truly blessed but then I wonder why my body did it once and now wont do it again. I had one of my neighbours moaning the other day that she is not going to have any more children and she has 5 all under 9.

Sorry to come on here and start moaning but I know you guys know how I feel

Wishing everyone all the best whatever stage you are at in your tx

Hazel x


----------



## hbrodie

Hi all
Amanda suggested I joined this thread! so I didn't repeat my previous new thread I started I thought I'd do a link instead!

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=191323.0

what do you think? any opinions greatly received! dh is eager! well, he would be, my libido is -50%  and so any excuse to get jiggy and he'll be there


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Just thought I'd pop on quickly to say hello and welcome to *hazelm * and *hbrodie * .

*hazelm * - I think everyone on here can totally relate to what you've said and we've probably all written the same things as you have at some point on here. Do not apologise for moaning - you weren't - you were just telling us how you're feeling which is what we're here for. There's some great support on this thread and we all know where you're coming from . Oh, and give your neighbour a  re: her comment - 5 kids under 9 - is she greedy or just bonkers ?

*hbrodie * - great story about baby Emily being conceived just before your 1st tx !! Not sure what to advise you re: when to start ttc seriously or going to the GP. As I think many ladies on here will say (me included), sometimes no.1 child is conceived with no problems whatsoever and so we presume it will happen that way again with no.2, but oh no, mother nature has other ideas. I wish you lots of luck in your ttc  

*Missyb * - good luck for tomorrow - let us know how you get on  

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

thanks jo


----------



## missyb

Morning all!!

as you can see im still waking up at stoopid o'clock! my hayfever is really bad and i feel grumpy!!!   had my scan yesterday and a gestational sac was seen... the radiographer says my dates fit which is good   but odd as i think i must've ov'd on cd 6  


hi jobo... thank you for the texts.. you are such a darlin   sorry i didnt get back to you last night we were out watching a show and by the time we got back it was a bit late. will text you in a bit. the bowels are moving ok (i think) omg thow love it was hard work   how are you? how is dh

welcome to hbrodie & hazelm   the girls on the site are fab and it's really good to write down how you feel and know that everyone understands

hi faithful..  thank you so much for your wishes... sending lots of       for your treatment. please keep us posted.

hi lyndalou.. fab news about your follies... again sending lots of       your way.

hi to rambling,sammee, and bambam.

Hope you guys are having a good weekend.



Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

amanda - congratulations on your natural bfp hun! Hope ur hayfever eases soon   nasty at the best of times let alone not being able to take stuff 4 it  

am due af tomorrow (my birthday, nice!) so will see if bfp this month....silly isn't it, I am getting back to my old ways of getting my hopes up each month and having them dashed again


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

missyb - glad you've finally moved them  .  Thanks for your texts too - you always make me laugh.  DH's magnifying glass & tweezers are in the post for your boss  .  Try to relax over the next couple of weeks and look after yourself hun  

hbrodie - hoping that the old witch   stays away for you tomorrow  , and that you have a very      

Well, that's the end of the school holidays   and back to work tomorrow  .  I've really enjoyed loads of time spent with DS over the past 2 weeks.  Hope you all had a good easter break too.

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

gosh it gets really busy on here when I'm away!!! Been to Centerparcs - the place of the Fertile - think you're not allowed to go there unless you've got at least 3 kids under 5 - they let me in for good behaviour!!! 

Missyb - good news on the scan hun, when have you got next scan? Is it sinking in yet? Hoping it continues to go well for you  

Jobo - It's such a pain your consultant is off sick ( i know he can't help it!!) Are you at the priory?  If so was just wondering if you could change consultants if he's going to be off for a while? Mine is really nice, let me knowif you want his details.


Lyndalou - yeay for the follies          Hope they continue to grow well for you. Have you got a date for EC?  


hbrodie and Hazelm - welcome to the thread, it's nice to have some new people on here as it's gone a bit quiet recently. Look forward to chatting.
hazelm - ditto what jobo said, we've all said similar things on here, it's so frustrating when you've conceived one easily and then it just doesn't happen whilst the whole world around you carries on getting pregnant.
hbrodie - haven't had a chance to look at your thread yet, am supposed to be painting doors at mo!! Will have a look later.

Everyone else I've missed - Hi hope you're all oK

Me - [email protected] fine, downregging not too bad, thought I'd be a lot grouchier than I have been - so far!!! Got baseline scan on thurs so fingers crossed everything's ok then so I can start stimming.

Faithful x


----------



## missyb

[fly]      [/fly] many happy returns hbrodie!! hope af stayed away and you get the best bday present of all!

hi faithful...awww it must've been hard going at cp with all the families! glad the you havent been  on the drugs...   for your baseline scan on thursday.

hi jobo.. will be looking out for the postman and eagerly await the arrival of the tweezers for my boss!!! i have to admit although i miss my patients im relieved to have 2 weeks away from my boss! will dh miss the tweezers lol   hope work wasnt too pants hun... it mustve been lovely having some quality time with ds. 

as for me not much change though the morning (evening) sickness seems to be kicking in... its been nausea rather than chunks ... i have my next scan 6th may which seems like an age away but im sure it will go quickly.

hope all is going well for everyone.

Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

thanks all!
I got lots of lovely pesents and emily bought me some new things for my dolls house (I have a gorgeous collectable one) and dh took me to lunch at my favoutire beach (perranuthno) and we had lunch at the little cafe there then a walk then home to do gardening. I am noe feeding emily as I type  .................no af yet................had shiatsu massage this morning, was bliss!


----------



## Bambam

hbrodie



Sounds like you've been having a wonderful day 

Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

thanks amanda! had a great day, and just watched a film dh rented for me from the local shop - called ' unrest' - and it was a spooky one! coo, I'll have the night light on tonight!


----------



## hazelm

Hi everyone, thanks for making me feel so welcome

Amanda I think its brilliant you got a natural bfp, congratulations. It brings hope to all of us

Faithful hope everything goes well for your baseline scan tomorrow.

Im going for my first reflexology appointment next thurs to see if it can help to get rid of my cyst that developed after my 1st iui. I cant start my second iui until the cyst has gone, I was just wondering if anyone knows of anything else I can do to try and get rid of it?

Hope everyone is well

 for everyone to have successful tx

Hazel x


----------



## hbrodie

hi all

hazel -  where is the cyst hun? a I being dumb? I guess ovary? I suffered with ovarian cysts all my teen years   and had them aspirated under general anaesthetic   (they just did a laparoscopy and drained the fluid in it out) as they do sometimes go of their own accord bu the longer they are there, the thicker the fluid becomes thus the harder it is to just disperse itself   
How big is it hun? does it hurt? if it is preventing your IF tx taking place can you request it be removed?   

faithful - hope all was ok at your scan?! xxxxx


----------



## hazelm

Hi hbrodie yes the cyst is on my ovary, they said it measured just over 21mm on the scan, I dont know if that is big or not. It doesnt seem to hurt and they said that it should go on its own but if its not gone next month I might ask them if it can be removed because I really want to get on with tx

hope everyone is well

Hazel x


----------



## hbrodie

hazel - 21mm is just over 2cm and that is not a big cyst in terms of ovarian cysts but it is a big pain in the bum 4 u because it is interfering with your tx   so please do ask at your next scan hun   At least there is only 2cm of fluid to reabsorb. They can grow enormous! when I was 15 I had one the size of a lemon on one ovary and one the size of a grapefruit on the other - eek!


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies - just a quickie from me

*faithfullyhoping * - how did your scan go hun ? Hope everything went well and you can start stimming 

*hbrodie * - glad to hear you had a good birthday ! Can't believe the size of your fruity cysts  !

*hazelm * - I think hbrodie's right - get them to sort out that cyst, especially if it's going to interfere with tx 

*missyb * - how're you doing hun ? Keep us posted 

*ramblingrose * - 

*cinders * - thank you for the card/photos and I hope you are all well 

*lyndalou * - how's your tx going hun ?  

Hello to all the other ladies on here or reading this 

I called my consultant's secretary on Monday (as advised) and have craftily managed to get an appointment to see him on 12th May . Not only that, but it's at his NHS clinic !!!! A cancellation came through as we were on the phone so I was a very lucky girl. I'm hoping to get some answers to loads of questions I have about Menopur, laparoscopy, follicle scans etc. etc. and hopefully a way forward that doesn't involve paying lots of money for tx. Yeah right - who am I trying to kid ?!

(For the "oldies" - unfortunately I had to take DS back to the hospital today to see his consultant as we've had problems and it turns out he needs another op . I am so gutted for him . It will probably be the beginning of June and I am dreading it, the poor little mite). Why can't something good happen to me ?

Anyway ladies, I must get some kip - god knows I need LOADS of beauty sleep 

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Evening girls

Just a quickie as I have to go to bed!!!!

Jo - Sorry to hear about ds, you must be gutted, I don't know what the problem is but it's awful to see your child being ill. But at least good news re your appointment, that's only about 3 weeks away isn't it, and even better as you don't have to pay for it!!!! I'm sure he'll have a plan for you.

Hazel - sorry don't know any good tips for getting rid of cysts but hope it goes for you!!!

Missyb - Hope you're ok? How's the nausea?

Everyone else HI

Baseline scan was fine today, have started stims now which is good but a bit scary. You know how it is, I'm worried about OHSS, worried about not getting enough follies etc etc .... .. but at least we're onto the next phase!!!

night night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Faithful x


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies

Just a quickie to say I had EC today and got 7 eggs!

Will post again later when more awake.

Love and hugs to all xxxxxxxx


----------



## hbrodie

lyndalou - fabulous news on your eggs!  


sorry 2 post and run but I have to tell you all about my day. 

due AF any time between monday just gone and yesterday. No show. HPT         yay! OMFG, we r going to have another baby! yippee! scared and soooo excited at the same time. Emily will be 18mth by EDD which is 3rd jan 2010   
I go to work 3rd july then have 4.5mth there and then off again for 1yr mat leave - haha! I hate working there anyway! work / family / friends don't know yet !!!!! we will tell them after 1st scan. 
we have called this one 'Squiggle'  
Started TTC feb as we figured would be highly unlikely to work without ICSI tis time round as this is what we were told by cons. Were told by her that unlikely to conceive in the 1st place but we have emily so   to that theory! so 98% asa does not necessarily mean infertile! dh is proof. mily is proof and so is squiggle


----------



## missyb

morning all!!

just a quickie from me as i'd better go and get washed and have breakfast instead of sitting here looking like waynetta slob!!

hi jobo... im so so sorry about ds... you just seem to get hit with one thing after another.    im  that you get some answers to your questions on 12th.

hi hbrodie!!! omg!!! [fly]CONGRATULATIONS!!![/fly] wishing you a happy + healthy pregnancy!

hi lyndalou...YAY for the follies!!!!

hi hazelm.. how are you doing? lets hope the cyst goes of it's own accord or we'll send the boys round  i know that one of the girls on the 2ww nat thread has just got a bfp with a cyst in situ though i cant remember how big it is.

hi faithful... it must be a very worrying time for you... im  though that it will all be worth it.

as for me... not much change. the nausea isnt as bad as it was with the dd's though when it takes hold i know about it. ive found that stem ginger helps. my (oYo) are sooooo huge that i would give pamela anderson a complex! my cravings are for junk food and if it has vitamin c in it i dont want to know... ladies what is happening to me?!!!!

i hope that noone minds me posting on here and updating... i have spent so long coming on here that i'd be lost if i wasnt able to.

Amanda xx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Girls  All 7 have fertilised Yippee! going back to bed now didnt sleep worrying


----------



## hbrodie

lynda - that is excellent news hun!    come on embies!!!!!! 

missyb - aw, ms is awful. I had it for 21 weeks with emily   but oh so worth it


----------



## RLH33

Hiya

I haven't posted on here for a long time but I always read the posts and hope that some of you might remember me. However after all the good news on this board I thought I just had to post and say

[fly]Congratulations [/fly]

to hbrodie and Amanda on your wonderful bfp's. Also good luck lyndalou on your eggs - here's to  that at least one snuggles in nice and tight.

Hello to everyone else on this board as well 

Well after enduring 6 months of the dreaded clomid last year I had an HSG in January which came back perfectly clear. We saw the consultant soon after who said people like us were 'irritating' (in the nicest possible way) as we were bordering on unexplained and there shouldn't be any reason why we shouldn't get pregnant. Anyhow I explained that I seemed to be ovulating ok since the clomid and he was happy for us to see if af and ov settled down by itself and sent us on our merry way. He did leave a prescription for clomid at my gp's though for me to get if everything went awol again.

Having been off clomid for a couple of months my head was starting to clear and I realised what a state I had got myself into, obsessing about not having another, age gaps, whether to get rid of all the stuff in the loft, redecorate ds's old baby bedroom - the list could go on and on  I was really starting to come to terms with the fact that ds may only be an only child but I should treasure what I had got and not miss valuable time with him obsessing over what seemed like an unobtainable dream. Don't get me wrong I still wanted to go for treatment but was prepared for the worst. I had got my life sorted, just started a running course in anticipation for the race for life in June and longer term the Bath Half Marathon in March next year, doing slimming world to lose some weight, setting up a cake decorating business to work around ds's school terms in September.

However I went on a hen night in Bristol last saturday, got very drunk, threw everything up later (unheard of for me) and then felt queasy all day Sunday and Monday. Af was due Wednesday and I usually start spotting about 5 days before so I never get to test day without the dream being dashed. So no spotting by Wednesday (I'm thinking this is a bit weird) but really bad AF pains that evening so I told dh that no chance of a bfp this month. Bad AF pains all day Thursday accompanied by the return of the queasiness (I'm thinking this is even weirder ). Felt lousy but was scared to do an hpt, trying not to get my hopes up but was secretly praying for a bfp. Anyway was putting ds to bed on Thursday evening and thought blow it I'll do one now and then I can check it after his story - well I didn't need to wait it came up as a      immediately. Had to tell dh over the phone as he was working late but he was over the moon.

I can't quite believe it is happening, I really had started to prepare myself and come to terms with having an only child and am still in shock. The AF pains were there again on Thursday night but gone last night and I can vaguely remember having them with ds but we were on holiday at that time so I sort of brushed it off - it must be the egg snuggling in tight.

When I had ds I just assumed everything would be fine but having read what I have on here I am scared to think ahead too much and am just   very hard that everything is ok. By my calculation I am due around the 30/31 December so a bit fat Christmas for me  

Although we would have like to have kept it a secret for a while we have had to tell close family as my BIL is due to get married in a month and I was supposed to be going on the second leg of the hen do to Portugal next weekend. Also I had just bought my dress for the wedding the week before, along with a pair of Spanx pants to suck in all my wobbly bits    So I have said I am not going on the hen do (as they are going clubbing and visiting a vineyard), the fact that I am not drinking will be very noticeable  My close friend will have to be told as well as she is bound to notice I am not drinking at the wedding and I want any awkward questions in front of dh's wider family to be kept to a minimum. Oh and the dress - well I tried it on this morning and it has some growing room but the spanx are out - too tight and they will make me feel ill, I will have to find some that do not go over my tummy but at least hold my bum up a bit   With dh I had to go up a trouser size by about 8 weeks and this time my stomach muscles are shot so I am worried I will get a bigger belly sooner.

Anyway sorry for the long post, I don't post for ages then get a severe dose of verbalitis!!

RLH


----------



## hbrodie

oh wow, that is wonderful news. congratulations RLH33       yay! 
I know it really used to pi33 e off when people said this to me when we were ttc, but I actually think there is some truth in it now, that as soon as you stop obsessing it is more likely to happen! easier said than done....how on earth do you stop obsessing? when it is THE only thing you want in the WORLD and everywhere you look are babiesand pg ladies   but the month running up to startion ocp pre ICSI I said to dh no point in DTD because it would not work...but we got jiggy one night and that one night of doing it produced emily! so, 18mth of every other night of sex previously to that one night had been in vain!   and knackering   and somewhat illed our sx life   
then, this time round, we decidedwe would never be so lucky as to have a natural bfp again, certainly not this soon, so we figured we would start TTC and just not use protection or anything and if we did somehow manage a bfp   then we would be ready for another baby and it would be great! kind of expected to have to go for it for another 18mth as dh  has 98% antisperm antibodies ......so not really thinking about pg and hey presto....bfp!


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Crikey .....this BFP-thing is catching.....what is your secret ladies ? I'm obviously immune to it 

*FFH * - so glad your baseline scan went OK. Hope you're having fun mixing your powders - I was rubbish at it ! Try not to get too hung up about what can go right or wrong though I know it's easily done. Wishing you the very best of luck   

*lyndalou * - fantastic news on your 7 follies and them all fertilising !! Hope your run of luck continues throuhg your tx and beyond   

*missyb * - hey Waynetta , don't go leaving us  - we'd be lost without your charm & wit (well, something rhyming with wit anyway ). Hope you're managing to stuff in loads of junk food you lucky lady 

*hbrodie * - congratulations on your BFP    !!!

*RLH33 * - long time no hear, and many congratulations    to you too !!!

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!!

im still not sleeping that well but hey at least im sleeping!

hi rlh33... congratulations on your bfp!!!!! i hated the dreaded clomid... that drug turned me into an evil old harridan! i feel like im getting huge already though that might have something to do with the junk food cravings!!!

hi jobo... cheeky moo   how are you diddling hun? im    that your turn wont be long hun. i dont mean that in a patronising way. i just know what it's like... we've been on here for a couple of years and it gets hard going wondering when ur time will come.  

hi lyndalou.... yay!!!!!! well done on all 7 fertilizing!!

hi faithful,hbrodie and hazelm...   


not much change for me...i did do something naughty and impulse bought a maternity t-shirt... i liked it because it says 'prone to mood swings' on it   that's pretty much me all over!


Amanda xx


----------



## Bambam

WOW how wonderful to read all the wonderful good news on here    

Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

missy - loving that t-shirt! where from?


----------



## missyb

hi hbrodie... the t-shirt was from new-look it was about a tenner.... if you have any probs getting one let me know and i'll get one for you... i didnt want to tempt fate but i had to have it!!


Amanda xx


----------



## Bambam

missyb said:


> 'prone to mood swings'
> Amanda xx


  i've so got to go and get one of those even though i'm not pg


----------



## hbrodie

there r sum fings u just gotta have!   we have a large new look in town hun so I'll have a look in there - their mat section is very good and I got lots of things there when pg with emily. Thing is, I am gunna be pg at the oposite time of year to emily's pregnancy as she was born 28th july and squiggle is due 3rd jan....

how is everyone else today? how has the weather been where u are? it was dreadful yesterday and 3 people were swept to sea (still unfound) and 4 people washed away in their car in a village round the corner from me - 2 missing presumed dead   freak weather, we get it a lot here   but when it is nice it is glorious


----------



## missyb

hi bambam... my thoughts exactly... im   that nothing goes wrong with my pregnancy, but even if i wasnt pregnant it would apply!!! ha ha xx


hi hbrodie... im the same as you.. my girls were both summer babies and this is going to be an xmas baby... sounds like you have been having some really strange weather... it must be awful for the families of those people missing at sea   for them and for those people in the village near you. it really makes you think eh?


i have an appointment today with the gp as it seems like one of the joys of being pg is that my asthma (which i havent had problems with for years!) has flared up out of nowhere.  

hope you guys are all well.


Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

amanda - I hope your gp can help you out hun. I found my ailments were bad / worse than normal when early pg but as I progressed they got better  

how r u all today? how is all the jabbing and scanning going to those of you at that stage?


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

hbrodie and RLH - CONGRATULATIONS on your           

Can't believe all the bfp's on here recently, it makes a nice change!

Jobo - hope you ok and coping ok with news of ds   hope appointment goes well and you get some well deserved good news soon.

missyb - love the t-shirt, think i should get one too due to ivf drugs!!!! Ditto what jobo said, don't leave us please..... we love to have you chatting on here.  

Everyone else I've missed, Hi. Pand and Suzy if you still follow the thread we still think of you, hope you're getting on ok.

Me - Feeling quite tired at mo, but other than that no major side effects so quite pleased about that, scan on thursday to check how many follie, bit scared won't have any!!!

speak soon


Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

faithful - you WILL have  of lovely follies!!!!


----------



## missyb

(we need some pics of follies... ok eggs would do!!)

be positive faithful you will have loads of m & s quality follies!!!


Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

oh, liking the M&S folies, amanda! 
"these aren't just any follies, they're special faithful follies"


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks girls - that put a smile on my face!! 

M and S follies would be great, quality not quantity required - don't want any primark tat!!!!


----------



## hbrodie




----------



## missyb

lmao primark tat!!!! (or prada-mark as one of my friends says!) 

you have to say m & s follies in a sexy dirvla kirwan voice!!! 

like faithful said it makes a change to have some bfp's and some good news... for too long it has been heartache.

     
to all those going thru tx... i think we should all buy one of those t-shirts and have a synchronised wearing of said t-shirts... what do you think or do u think i need to get out more

by the way is anyone on **?


Amanda xx


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## hbrodie

I like the united t-shirt wearing idea  
I m on ** (I think under my maiden name though) I'll pm you


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*missyb * - I need one of those t-shirts, tho' not a maternity one . Mind you, with a belly the size of mine I could soon pull off wearing a maternity top I'm sure . Hope you get your asthma sorted out - is it ciggy withdrawal  ?

*FFH * - thanks for you kind words re DS - it is a very worrying time you're right . I like the sound of M&S follies - mine didn't even reach Poundland standard . Let us know how you get on at your follie scan - I wish you the very best of luck   

*ramblingrose * -  

Hello to all the other ladies on here.

I had a text today off someone who is known for her insensitivity - today's was "going on hols next week - can you imagine how relaxing that'll be with 2 kids ?" - er, NO I CAN'T !!!!!! I know she probably didn't mean anything by it, but this is just the latest in a long line of particularly insensitive messages !!! Don't you just love 'em ?

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

jo


----------



## hazelm

Hi everyone sorry ive not been on for a while

Hbrodie I cant believe the size of the cysts you had, congratulations on your BFP

Jobo so sorry to hear about your ds

Missyb ive not been on here long but I think everyone loves hearing your updates, It gives us all some hope that our dreams can become reality

Lyndalou congtatulations on your 7 embies

RLH33 congratulations on your BFP

Faithful good luck with your scan on thurs im sure you will have lots of follies

Hi to everyone else

Im off to see the reflexologist on thurs to see if that helps get the cyst moving at all

Hope everyone is well

Hazel x


----------



## hbrodie

morning
bit of a 'me' post. short n sweet.

started to bleed last night   . out of the blue. fresh blood. not as heavy as af but enough to need a pantyliner  . Rang mw on call to ask what to do, when to re-test. she said can't do anything, rest (with a 9mth old!   ) re test 1 week. I think that is far too long. Figure that if af or bleeding is there then it means HCG has dropped / gone   so will do hpt today and again tomorrow. too early for scan. Got a few crampy pains in the night   . Some niggles today. Trying to be   but it is difficult. I know I should rest in bed but I am alone today with emily so rest is impossible  . she is sleeping now so I am chillin out. I reckon squiggle could be a boy, it seems everyone I know who bled in pg had a boy! I am hoping it is just that squiggle has implanted lower in my womb than emily did and that is why I am bleeding a bit.....I have an erosion on my cervix and this can affect it I think   .  
Come on squiggle, hang on in there.
I can't stop feeling guilty that if we r losing squiggle that no one knew about him/her. He/she is just going and no one knows but us. I wish I had told people about the amazing thing that was happening to us and then people could have been a part of squiggle being there, ratherthan knowing after the fact and being all sad.    
Please, those of you who are religious (I am) please   for squiggle to stay put


----------



## missyb

awww hbrodie... im     hard for you love. im so sorry that you've got to wait a while before you get some answers... like i said to you before i hope that it is just bean just bedding down.


hi jobo... how are you sweets? you're always putting yourself down   i bet you're gorgeous!!! i think the gp either put the asthma down to hayfever or pregnancy... i get hayfever every year and so i personally reckon it's pregnancy or giving up the cigs is bad for you!!

hi hazel...    that all goes well on thur... sending you some   that the cyst has gone. thank you for being so sweet. ive been on here for a couple of years and have seen that miracles do really happen... one of the girls in here had ivf and had 1 egg transferred and still ended up with twins!! so what im saying is dont ever give up hope.  

hi to faithful,rlh,  and anyone else ive missed.


Amanda xx


----------



## jobo5572

Just a quickie ladies.........

*hbrodie * -    that everything is OK for you and that the bleeding stops.

*missyb * - me , gorgeous ?  - before you look at my photos on ** again get yourself to Specsavers love !

*hazelm * - hello again ! Hope your visit to the reflexologist shifts that cyst 

Off out to fat club soon to break the scales  

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All 

short n sweet as off for scan shortly, but didn't want to read and run.

hbrodie - sorry you're having a bit of a scare at the moment hope it all passes over and beanie is just snuggling in tight. My friend had bleeds when she had a boy too! Thinking of you   

Everyone else Hi


will update u later - hoping for good news - think DH thinks i'm being paranoid for nothing, hope he's right!

Faithful x


----------



## missyb

hi faithful...        coming your way hun xxx


Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

faithful . xxxxx

Just back from emergency gyn unit. NO pregnancy shown on scan as expected as only 4+4 at the moment. Have a cyst on ovary, which could either be ovulation OR corpus leuteum cyst left from when squiggle was conceived  . My lining is nice and thick which could be either ovulation  about to occur OR thick due to pg     
Had beta HcG levels taken (nice bruise from incompetent doctor!) and will get results rung through thisafternoon. then rpt again saturday. 
is >50 is good? I asked the nurse and she didn't know   so any feedback GREATLY received.

I am numb, been crying one minute then smiling and rubbing tummy the next, just have no idea whether to prepare for the worst or to keep spirits high and


----------



## Bambam

i have no words of wisdom re the levels but just wanted to send you lots of       for the phone call later 

Amanda xx


----------



## missyb

awwww hun like amanda i have no words of wisdom... ive tried to google beta hcg and found a site called obfocus that seemed quite good. i'm        hard for you sweet heart.

what time will they phone or do you have to phone them im nervous for you now........  


Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

no idea what time they will ring


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hbrodie - sounds quite positive to me, i don't know anything about hcg levels I'm afraid - I hope you get phone call soon which puts mind at rest       let us know.


Just to let u all know that scan went well for me, had 15 follicles which they were pleased with, got to go for another scan on sat to check that i'm not growing too many more as they will then alter menopur, then another scan mon. Am booked in for EC on wed - can't believe i'm actually doing this    never thought I would do ivf, although am actually quite excited about it.


----------



## hbrodie

wow, faithful, that is wonderful news!


----------



## missyb

wow thats fab news faithful!!!! you got your m & s follies after all!!!!!! [fly]woo hoo!![/fly]
keep us posted over the next few days xxx

hbrodie any news?

amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks missyb - hope they are m & s - guess I won't know until they get them out!!!

By the way - technical question - how do you make the text go across the screen like that?!!!!

hbrodie - still thinking of you


----------



## hbrodie

aha, the M&S follies!

I can't make my text dso funky things either, maybe a member thing?

my results are 205iu/ml which is a predictor of early pg.....just needs to double by sat


----------



## Bambam

fabulous news and sending lots more      for Saturday hon 

Amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

fab news hbrodie - fingers crossed for sat.


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## jobo5572

Just a quickie as I'm off out tonight....

*hbrodie * - great news on the bloods -     for your next test 

*faithfullyhoping * - wow, 15 follies !! Fantastic news . Hoping all goes well on Saturday and Monday and you have EC as planned on Wednesday  . (By the way, do you see the Bold, Italic, underline etc. etc. above when you're posting ? Follow the line along and you'll get to a moving "F" - that's what makes the text move).

*missyb * - you behaving yourself  ? 7 weeks eh ?!

*Bambam * - 

*ramblingrose * - 

 to all the other ladies on here.

I'm off out soon for a meal with 3 friends to celebrate mine and one others birthday. We do it every couple of months (usually around birthdays) and I do enjoy going out, but I always find it hard as 9 times out of 10 they all end up talking about their kid*s* - 2 of them have 3 and the other has 2 and is about to ttc no.3. I know I have DS, but the conversation is always about juggling childcare, sibling rivalry, how tiring or how much hard work having 2/3 kids is (which always gets me really ) etc. Hey ho, I suppose I should be used to it by now.

Oh, on the subject of birthdays,  to *Pand * for tomorrow. Hope you have a lovely day.

Must go and get ready ladies.

Love to all

Jo


----------



## jobo5572

And not forgetting Suszy (though I know you don't come on here at the mo) - hope you had a   on Tuesday hun


----------



## hbrodie

oooh, lots of birthdays! it was mine last monday - april is a very good month  
so,   to pand, suszy and to jobo!

jobo -   I don;t think we ever 'get used' to hearong people making negative comments about their LOs hun. It is annoying. I still get all knotted in my tummy when I see things that upset me, like pg ladies smoking or a pg lady with 4 kids already - good for her, I wouldn't wish IF on anyone but it just makes me wanna go up to her and say 'do you know how incredibly lucky you are' cos I think people take having kids for granted  
enjoy your night out hun. xxxx


----------



## jobo5572

Just wondering how *hbrodie * & *faithfullyhoping * got on today ?   everything went well for both of you


----------



## hbrodie

level has dropped to 125iu/ml      plus have just had a wee and found a small 1/2cm clot, dark in centre, on my loo roll. doc says sounds like could be embryo      I have to have a rpt again monday 1000am (dh can't get off work, am going alone again, and the worst thing is it is the new ward which is the old post natal ward where I stayed with emily when she was born) to check still dropping and rule out ectopic. I feel so numb, devastated, bewildered       shakey, I don;t know what to do     
thank you all for your kind and loving words over the past few days


----------



## jobo5572

hbrodie - I'm so so sorry    . We're all here for you hun


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - thinking of you hun      I hope you're taking time to grieve for your loss and are not being too hard on yourself 

Ladies - I made a complete tw*t of myself this morning at DS's rugby training - a lady I'd never seen or spoken to before had been chatting to me all morning about all sorts of stuff, and then she asked if I had any more children. And that was it - the  started flowing, and wouldn't stop . What a complete silly ***** I am. She put her arms around me as soon as I started to blub, which probably made matters even worse - I think that because no-one has shown any support/caring etc. to me (physically or emotionally) in the flesh for so long now, all the feelings, upset and emotion just came out . Don't get me wrong ladies, I thank every one of you for your support on here, but I think it was just such a shock to the system to have someone there in person. So now I feel like a complete tw*t for doing that to the poor woman. I hate what SIF does to me . And much as I try to pretend that everything is OK, it obviously isn't. Anyway, I'm rambling so will shut up .

I hope you are all enjoying your Bank Holiday weekend.


----------



## hbrodie

oh jobo, I think you obviously needed to let it out hun and I bet you'll find you have made a friend in that lady. next time you see her she'll come and chat to you I am sure


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - never mind me and my random blubbing outburst - how are you hun ? Thinking of you


----------



## missyb

hbrodie.... im so so sorry hun... i checked in yesterday to see how you were doing but it was before you posted.... im soooo gutted for you and hope that there is just some blip in your levels. i can imagine that you are feeling all of the emotions that you have described and more... i wish i could take the pain away. is there anyone that can go with you on monday? i hate the idea of you going on your own and having noone to lean on.        


jobo.... awww sweet-heart         i remember when me and ex h split a few mths afterward one of my male mates came over to see me... i hadnt seen him for ages and he gave me such a lovely hug that i burst into tears... it was just sooooo nice to have that contact, so i can totally understand where you are coming from. a little bit of compassion goes a long way. i know that if someone broke down on me i would feel priviledged that you felt you could share with me.. does that make sense? i hope what ive said hasnt come out the wrong way or offended you... what i mean to say is you dont get the support from dh and this lady wouldnt have put her arms around you if she thought you were  . dont beat yourself up jobo sif does it for us.   


Amanda x


----------



## jobo5572

*missyb * - thanks hun  I understood what you meant and you didn't offend me. I had no intention of balling my eyes out when I got up this morning, especially not to a complete stranger, but as you rightly said, someone showed me some compassion and that was it ! Serves me right for living in la-la land I suppose and pretending everything is fine.

*hbrodie * - ditto to what missyb says - is there anyone that can accompany you tomorrow, just for support ? Thinking of you


----------



## hbrodie

am going to the hossie on my own, with emily   dh is working, self employed, lone worker. He offered to shut down or get someone to cover but he'd have to pay them and on BH monday he doesn't take a great deal so I feel bad for asking him to do this. I told him I'd be fine. I know I will crumble as soon as I get there though. Best mates are away - one in USA and has no idea I was even pg as was going to tell her when she gets home on fri this week....the other is in birmingham and knows about the mc as I rang her yesterday but she can't help cos she is way up there and I am in cornwall.


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - oh that's such a shame that DH has to work and your friends aren't close by. Hun if I was any closer I would come with you. It is perfectly normal if you crumble when you're there - don't be too hard on yourself. Will be thinking of you


----------



## hbrodie

thanks jobo.


----------



## missyb

hi hbrodie.... thinking of you     


Amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi hbrodie... just checking up on you... thinking of you hun.   


amanda x


----------



## jobo5572

Me too *hbrodie * - hope you're OK 

*Missyb * - thank you so much for your lovely texts last night


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hbrodie - I'm so sorry hun, I hope you're ok and as jobo said, giving yourself time to grieve. Hope you managed ok yesterday, thinking of you.    

Jobo - you poor thing, like missyb said I think when somebody does show some understanding it kind of pushes some sort of release button. I'm sure that lady would have felt priveleged that you felt comfortable enough with her, you obviously needed to let it all out. Hope you're ok - it's not long to your appointment now is it? I've forgotten when it is, but try and focus on that as making a step forwards in things.  

missyb - hope you're ok.

Me - just to update u although feel bad saying anything positive in light of bad news but I've got 16 good sized follies and 2 smaller ones and am booked in for EC tomorrow am, got to get in for 6:30am! Did ovitrelle jab yesterday so everything all set now. Only problem is because we haven't told anyone that we're having treatment we've got childcare issues as we can't ask anyone to have dd overnight without them asking questions. So I'm going to have to go in on my own and dh will come as soon as he can once he's dropped dd as breakfast club    They did say we could take her in with us but I don't want her worrying about what's going on. Anyway it's a small price to pay for a chance at a bfp I suppose!  The nurse did say i'm borderline ohss risk because of the number and size of the follies and because I'm thin (20 is usual risk number but as i'm thin could affect me with less), I know they have to warn you but now that's in the back of my mind, I wish she hadn't said anything!!! 

Anyway hugs to you all

Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

faithful -    for tomorrow hun. It is pants when they tell you all the 'what ifs' and risks etc, all you wanna hear is that you have all those follies and that all will be ok. I guess they have to tell you to prepare you but I am sending you     all will be well.

I am doing better ta girls   still feeling totally numb and today af came   so I know it is all well and truly over. My hcg was 41 yesterday so really low. I am writing on my new thread for twinkling stars (forgetmenot page) as a diary and kind of a way of letting it all out. That really helps.


----------



## SUSZY

Hi
Know I have not been on for ages but just wanted to wish Jobo Happy Birthday for today.
Hope you are  having a good day.
Sorry for not coming on here but there are too  many reminders.
I am so happy for all the good news and there has been lots which is nice although I also know there is always bad news too.
Its just constant reminders of what I dont have and it really is the end of the road for us.
Sorry I am not going to read all the messages as really don't have the strength at the mo to support others and its taking all my energy to keep afloat.
We are all very happy with Lola - she brings much joy to us all- yet there are still so  many time when you realise she is not going to compensate 100 percent for a sibling as there are things she cannot do/go like the fair etc.
Dh is between contracts so its his second day at home today so we are getting used to the new way of life.
I am supposed to be updating my CV as he wants me to get a job so am going to try and go temping for a while.
I have also realised what a great life I had going to the gym, going out to lunch with the girls and its a shame I have spent so much of the last five years sad and wanting another.  I feel I am over it and yet would love a baby still.
anyway love to all the ones I know and Hi to the new ones.
good luck for all your tx and do hope you dreams come true.
I have a bit of space in my pm box now and am on email for anyone who wants to write.
take care
love
susie


----------



## hbrodie

hi hun


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies

*hbrodie * - big  hun. I've been reading your "diary" on the other thread which is really moving . You've got some lovely things planned for squiggle - make sure you do something for you too . We're all here to support you . I haven't been through a mc myself (and so apologise if I'm being inconsiderate/insensitive or useless to you) but have seen how mc's have affected friends and understand that when faced with SIF it makes it even harder. Be easy on yourself 

*ffh * - good to hear from you - wishing you all the very best of luck for EC tomorrow hun          . 16 is a fantastic number of follies . Here's hoping they're all M&S standard !! Do let us know how you get on when you're up to it. It's a shame you'll have to go up on your own tomorrow but I know where you're coming from - we didn't tell anyone until the very last minute when we needed to arrange for childcare at EC time - and then s0ds law, we didn't make it to EC so I could've kept it to myself after all !!! I think they're just pre-warning you of possible risks with the OHSS stuff because they have to so don't get too hung up on it - they didn't up my Menopur dosage early enough in my tx as they thought I was at risk of OHSS and then I didn't ruddy well get _any _ decent follies, never mind _over_-stimulate !! Anyway hun, less of my babbling - good luck !!!!

*Suszy * - lovely to hear from you on here but understand why you don't come on here cos of memories etc. Thanks for remembering my birthday . Do you realise it was a year on Sunday since we met in person - so much has happened to us all since then, and sadly not all good , but at least a couple have had great news which is fantastic . Looking forward to meeting up again soon. Take care 

*missyb * - are you back at work hun ? If so, take it easy and don't stand for any grief. Good luck for your scan   

Well, about half an hour ago I officially turned 37 . I'm feeling very old, useless and like my body has just given up. I keep reading everywhere that after 37 your eggs really go down the pan . No bl00dy chance then have I  ?!!!!! Anyway, I've had a lovely day with a friend, mooching around the shops and having lunch out and not being at work. DH is even cooking me a meal this evening . Good grief. Glad I was sitting down when he told me 

Must go ladies - DS wants some of my birthday cake !

Love to all

Jo xxx


----------



## hbrodie

oooh, jobo, enjoy your meal! and     
thanks for reading my 'diary' thread, I find it helps me to write things down / type things out


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

hbrodie - I think you're being very brave and strong, sorry it's all over for you, thinking of you  

Jobo - thanks for your lovely texts. happy birthday for yesterday. Try not to worry about being 37, I don't think there's a magic number where you've eggs suddenly turn to mush!!! Try and be positive about next course of action instead of worrying about something you can't change, I'm sure consultant will come up with something!

suzy - Hi hun, lovely to hear from you. Totally understand why you don't come on here anymore and to be honest I think that's the best thing for you to do. I hope you're slowly beginning to move on, and don't worry if it's not happening as quickly as you want it to because it's not going to be something that suddenly happens - more of a process I guess. Thanks for thinking of us.

Missyb - Hope you're ok, and that the nausea is going now.

Well had EC today and got 11 eggs    which I think is quite good, although does make me wonder what was going on with the other 5 empty follies!!!!  Just got to wait and see what happens now!! Will let u all know. My tummy is pretty sore, think he must have really given my ovaries a good poking, going to go and watch telly again! 

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*hbrodie * - I'm glad that keeping up your diary is helping you. Thinking of you 

*ffh * - great news about the number of eggs  - hope they're getting jiggy with DH's swimmers  . I am crossing everything for you   

Thanks to everyone for the lovely wishes for my birthday - been feeling a little down about it all today - just another milestone where I haven't even had a sniff of a pg that's all. I expect I'll be thinking the same this time next year ! Also, have just blubbed at Waterloo Road when Chloe had a baby - what am I like ?! I really should get out more 

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

jobo - I too cried at waterloo road, at both chloe having her baby and Miss Campbell having hers taken - I'd have done exactly the same thing as she did TBH.  

FFH - yay! 11 ! brilliant hun.    

we can't go to bed cos the bl**dy cat won;t come in! I am too soft to leave him out all night and the cat flap is not fitted yet   but I am soooooooo tired


----------



## faithfullyhoping

bad cat      Hope you got to bed in the end.

waiting for phone call from embriologist - so scary....!!!


----------



## faithfullyhoping

still no phonecall   am going slowly   Feel like it must be bad news now as it's not even morning anymore!!!! oh well i guess if there's  none fertilised at least I'll know what the problem is.

On the other hand perhaps embriologist is busy and hasn't had time to call!!!


----------



## jobo5572

Just a quickie as I'm at work....

ffh - how annoying that they haven't phoned you (ooh, have just received your text !).  If they said they would call you in the morning I'd give them a call - they shouldn't leave you hanging on wondering what is what  

hbrodie - hope your cat came home, the cheeky puss.  I'm as soft with mine too  

ramblingrose - thinking of you hun  

missyb - you ok ?

Be back later...........


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Just had the call 9 have fertilised!!!  Had convinced myself it was bad news - what a relief!!!!


----------



## jobo5572

ffh - as per texts, wahey    !!


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi ladies,

I'm apologising in advance because this will be totally miserable, so please avert your eyes now if you're in a good mood and don't want it spoiling.

Me and DH been for our initial consultation today, and I have come home feeling totally bereft.  I have no idea what to do for the best, and going over it all has resurfaced everything I've been trying to come to terms with the last few months.

We don't know yet whether we're going to go through the whole process. I just don't know if I can cope with it or if the results don't work. But I am terrifiied of not trying and letting our only hope go by.

How did you all come to terms with the treatment, and cope with the procedures/people's comments and the guilt that you are not satisfied with your only gorgeous child, and the fact they will never have a brother or sister? And do you cope with everyone close to you having their 2nd or subsequent babies?

I hate what SIF has done to me, the person it has turned me into. I never thought this would happen to me. I feel so angry and yet so guilty as the same time.

I swear to god I feel like my heart is being torn into shreds and stamped on.


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - have just sent you a long reply to your email hun . All the feelings you have are perfectly normal for someone in 'our' position hun so don't be feeling bad about it, or apologise for posting how you're feeling on here either.

You've been very brave getting over the first hurdle which was going to your initial consultation today, so you should feel proud of yourself. No-one but you and DH can make the decision of whether or not to go ahead, but take your time, don't feel pressured into anything, and ask as many questions as you need to whether that be on here or at your clinic. Don't feel silly about asking anything - we've probably all asked the same questions and the clinic must be used to it.

I've only done IVF once, and we didn't even make it to EC, so I'm not the best example unfortunately . That said, there are plenty of ladies on here (FF site in general as well as the SIF thread) that have been successful with IVF or other tx's - some first time, some 2nd, some after many attempts. Of course, sadly, there are those for whom it didn't work . However, we are all different, and the whole tx process is a gamble and unfortunately no-one can predict who it's going to work for or who it isn't - I've lost count of the number of times I've wished for a magic wand. I was completely bricking it before I took the plunge and went for IVF as I had no idea what to expect or how I would cope with it all, especially if it failed. I just kept telling myself that if I didn't at least give it a try I would never know, and it was my only hope for another child. I have to say that there were many people on here that were a great support before, during and after my tx and I wouldn't have got through it without them - I think it's always helpful to talk to people who know what you're talking about or can at least empathise with your situation. Admittedly I wasn't in a very good place for quite a while after my tx failed and I even lost some friends as a result which didn't help, but somehow I picked myself up and dusted myself down and am still here - the pills help 

Don't feel guilty about wanting another child - you love DS to bits, and it's nothing about him or anything he's done that is making you want another child nor is it not feeling satisfied with DS - your feelings/wants are perfectly natural and you want to provide a sibling for him as well as a baby/another child for yourself & DH. I don't know how you cope with not being able to provide a sibling for them as it is something that I am still struggling to come to terms with myself - perhaps if one of the ladies that have "moved on" are reading they could advise how they cope ? And how you cope with people and their 2nd & subsequent babies - again I don't know, but what I do know is that if I steered clear of all those in that bracket I'd be without most of my friends ! All my non-SIF friends have more than one child and it is hard. I also feel bad at the school gates as DS seems to be the only "only child" . I have lost a couple of friends with multiple children (mainly people I met though NCT classes having DS) due to their insensitivity about the whole SIF subject and their lack of willingness to even listen to what I had to say about it all - but in their defence I suppose I was like someone from another planet to them. You're right - SIF does change you, and I too hate the person I've become .

All I can say hun is that we're all here for you, and you must let it all out and not bottle it all up. You've got all my details if you want to give me a ring, and hopefully we'll sort out that meet up sooner rather than later.

I'll stop blethering and let some of the wiser ladies on here help.

Don't feel like you're on your own and be kinder to yourself - you've done nothing wrong.

Big 

Love Jo x


----------



## missyb

[fly]BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOBO!!!!   [/fly]

Im so sorry that i missed your bday hun... especially as you sent me such a lovely text on mine (which was so sweet as dp was a [email protected] and made next to no effort!) unfortuntatley im back at work and im finding that it's stressing me out.

hi susie.... thank you so so much for the card i want to write back as it made my day getting something in the post   miss you loads.

hi hbrodie... thinking of you and will pop off and read your diary.

hi rambling...good to see you back... im sorry that you are in a bad place   

hi faithful.... YAY prada follies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as for me not much change had my scan which puts my dates as 7 weeks 4 days today... which is    

im tired and trying soooooo hard not to get too excited as i know that so much can go wrong.

Amanda xx


----------



## hbrodie

Ramblingrose -       I completely second what jo says hun. Neverr feel guilty about wanting a second baby, the desire to be a mummy is as strong for many of us as it was 1st time round       and it still hurts to see others get pg willy nilly and with no real thought into it. It is always harsh when we r told face to face what is wrong / needs to be done / why things are like they are etc   I am sending you HUGE hugs   and a  

FFH - yayayayaya!!!!!! well done those embies!!!

missyb - I am just off to write my diary now hun, so nothing new from yesterday yet   thank you for reading though, it means a lot to me that little squiggles thread is seen and people know about him.   sorry u feel so tired   early pg is very tiring I remember


----------



## Skybreeze

Hi lovely ladies

I just wanted to come here and introduce myself as your new Board Assistant.   I will be helping the current moderator out. 

I'm Natalie by the way    

hbrodie... I am very sory for what you have been through.    

faithfullyhoping.. Well done on your embies!

Any problems please let me know.
Natalie xxxx


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - are you OK hun ? Am worried about you 

*hbrodie * - how are you doing ? Thinking of you 

*ffh * - any more news today on those M&S follies  ?

*missyb * - fancy missing my birthday  - call yourself a friend   ? If work is stressing you out too much hun, can you get signed off for a bit longer ? You don't want to be under any stress in your situation. Make sure you look after yourself or else 

*Skybreeze * - hello and welcome, and congratulations on your BFP


----------



## hbrodie

skybreeze - welcome hun., congratualtions on your BFP. U R one day ahead of where I should be, I shall be following your story and sending you extra   and   


ramblingrose -


----------



## Skybreeze

Hbrodie... Your so kind, thank you hun.   How are you doing now? xxx


----------



## hbrodie

still totally gutted, crying less each day though which is good but I feel a bit guilty cos it may seem to outsiders I am 'over it' but I won't ever be over it truly, will I? you can't get over losing a baby, no matter how early. 
How r u though? any MS?? when is your 1st scan??


----------



## Skybreeze

Oh hun, its something that you will never forget.... I cant even imagine the upset.   
I'm scared at the moment, I have my scan on Friday afternoon. 

Have a lovely Saturday ladies xxxx


----------



## hbrodie

hun, it will all be fine!      you'll see your LO snuggled in there nice and warm. I know that the time coming up to scans is scary though, but I have faith it will all be fine hun


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

Welcome skybreeze

Well 2 embies on board  this morning   both grade 1/2 - slightly confusing story follows so bear with me!! We had 9 eggs that fertilised but only 2 of them were good grades - the 2 which they put back obviously! When we saw embryologist she said we had 1 grade 1/2 7 cell 1 grade 2 7 cell and the rest were only 4 cell and were grade 3 (I think), so basically there weren't any good enough to freeze. Anyway, by the time it got to transfer the 2 they were going to put back were both 8 cell and the grade 2 had improved to a grade 1/2!!! so that was really good news the consultant was really pleased.  

Anyway when we went in for transfer the consultant explained that from 9 fertilised eggs he would have expected to have had more of a good grade and that's why doing ivf is good as it helps to see where the problems lie. So I guess I've discovered that a lot of my eggs aren't good quality although evidently a few are!!!! Just praying that these embies snuggle in so that I don't have to worry about it on another cycle.

Hope everyone's ok

Faithful x


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi again ladies,

Just wanted to say sorry really for going on about myself in my last post and not giving a thought to anyone else. No excuses really other than pathetic ones, so just hope everyone here is ok. I hadn't really been keeping up to date with everyone really so I feel a bit behind. hbrodie I'm sorry to hear your news, and hope that you get some understanding from the people close to you. 

FFH, good news about your embies, and if 2 are good grades and back on board then that's really positive, so keeping everything crossed for you.

Hello to Skybreeze, and congratulations on your news; I hope your scan goes ok and looking forward to getting to know you. 

I also want to say a big public thankyou to *Jobo* who has been brilliant support to me the last few days especially (and before then too); I've felt a little less lonely and idiotic thanks to you, so a huge







to you hun. I've not had a chance to reply to your email yet but will do later once the jobs of the day are done and I have Dh to take over with DS for a bit 

Feeling a bit more level headed today and me and Dh have had a chat about our options. Still no definite decisions made yet, but we're getting there. Still not told any of the family we went and I think for now it's the best way - no interference, you see 

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and hope you're not having the hurricane winds we're having here.

xxx


----------



## hbrodie

FFH -    PUPO!!!!!! well done embies for multiplying whilst having ET!!!!! will be   4 u hun  

rambling rose - I am glad u r feeling a bit better hun, and NEVER apologise for doing a 'me' post as we all need to from time to time, I know I do! that is what this site is for and we r all in the same (ish) boat and are here to support you


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*Faithful * - brilliant news , and congratulations on being PUPO !!! Here's lots of             for the next couple of weeks, and lots of    .

*ramblingrose * - no need for a thank you hun, but thank you anyway . Glad you're feeling a little better about it all and that you've had a chance to talk to DH. Hope you can come to a decision that you're both happy with. Always here hun 

*hbrodie * - how're you doing today ?

*missyb * - just read your diary - fantastic news about seeing jellybean's heartbeat !!! Can understand your anxiety but try and enjoy it at least an eensy teensy bit 

I've been asked countless times over the past few days "mummy, why haven't we got a baby ?" and "mummy, all my friends have got brothers and sisters, why haven't I ?" . How on earth do you even begin trying to explain all this cr*p to a 4 year old ? I've tried to explain that not everyone gets a baby when they want one, but all I get in response is "why ?" DS is obviously not going to understand at this young age, but I just feel that I am totally letting him down . It didn't help matters this morning when we went to a soft play place with my friend and her 3 kids and they promptly left after 10 minutes as her eldest (who is 4 !!) was being a right little scrote and throwing a massive tantrum (and I mean a HUGE ) over nothing. My friend was so mortified by her behaviour that she threatened to take her DD home - this just made her even worse, to the point where she was screaming and lashing out so much that the whole place was staring at her so my friend gathered their stuff and made a hasty exit. Anyway, my point is that DS was gutted that he was left (yet again) alone with no-one to play with. I careered around the soft play place with him like a woman possessed but obviously boring old mummy just isn't the same. I am so conscious of him being on his own - by that I mean without a playmate or sibling - I don't mean I lock him in the cellar alone (though if I had a cellar I may be tempted at times ) - and perhaps I am too paranoid about it all as I'm sure people with an only child through choice don't even give it a second thought. Every weekend he asks "can we go to so-and-so's house" - it's just such a shame that all his friends have siblings and I think people forget (or just don't even twig) that DS is on his own with only adult company every evening and weekend. I sometimes feel that they're all too tied up in their cosy little 2.4 children families to even give us a second thought. Anyway, as usual I have contracted verbal diarrhoea and am going off on one and probably not making any sense so I will 

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

Jo -   my step DD used to ask the same questions as your DS is asking you now, but she was 6 at the time and we were able to roughly explain why we hadn't had a baby. She used to take her dolly everywhere and we would have to wait for her to change its' nappy and clothes, feed it etc, and her mum even bought her a real buggy for it to go in   which I thought was a bit OTT   but this was very hard for me to cope with seeing as there'd be real baby clothes and nappies and toys and buggy etc everywhere I looked in MY house and no baby   
I know your DS is only 4 but does he understand baby's live in Mummys' tummy? could you say to him that you have a poorly tummy so a baby won;t grow there but one day you hope your tummy will get better and then you might have a baby? I know this is not the truth hun but it might just give him that little bit of some sort of an answer he needs, just to satisfy his question   
Could you arrange for a friend to come round one evening each week? or go swimming one night each week with your friend and her child(ren) so he can play amongst others then? Just a few ideas   I am sure you will have thought of them hun but I don;t like to read n run so thought I'd put my thoughts in words 4 u  
Kids r great but they ask awkward questions and are not happy with the answers most times   I ended up explaining to stepDD that a lady needs a man to help her make a baby, and the man has an egg and the lady has an egg but these eggs need to stick together to make the baby. I told her that my eggs were not very sticky so Daddys' egg would not stick to it and therefore we could not have a baby but that we were seeing a special doctor in hospital who was going to try and help get my eggs more sticky   This is totally simplified and basic for her (she was 6 , almost 7, as I said) and the issue was with DH sperm and not me but this gave her enough info to be happy with and from then in she shut up about babies   and I also told her that is upset me sometimes to see baby things everywhere as I wanted a baby but we couldn't have one right then so could she keep it all tidy and in her room please! she did!


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - thank you so much for replying to my post . Bless you, honestly, especially after what you're going through right now . Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I know I may be worrying about nothing wrt to DS having no-one to play with - I just don't know. A counsellor once told me that DS cannot miss what he doesn't know and therefore I shouldn't beat myself up about it but I do find it hard when he's asking why he's on his own all the time. I've often thought about having friends over for tea etc. after school, but then I know that the women I talk to at school are always keen to get their kids home to play with their siblings etc., or they are too tied up with running around after their other kids etc. I hate the school gates with all the yummy mummys and their 2/3/4 kids. It would be so nice if there was just _one _ other child in DS's class that was an only child !! Much as I sometimes agree with the counsellor's comment about DS not missing what he doesn't know, this same woman also told me that perhaps I should make friends with people without children or those with an only child !!! Can you imagine it ?!!! "Sorry current friends, you all have more than one child so can you please b*gger off and leave me alone". Or "hello new person - do you have any children ? If not, are you planning on having any ? Are you past the menopause ? Will you be my friend ?" 

p.s. hun - I think your idea of a plant in a pot for little squiggle is a brilliant idea - it will provide you with something to tend to and look after, plus a lasting reminder of squiggle, along with the heart & angel. You can also take the pot with you if you ever move. Lovely idea


----------



## hbrodie

thanks jo. I think I will go an buy a nice pot with emily this week - a journey out for us. 
 at your friend screening questions!


----------



## lyndalou

Hbrodie So sorry  I remember the pain of mc from last year. Be kind to yourself 

Missyb Fab to see the HB How exciting!

Faithfull Hope your resting up PUPO Princess!

Jo 37 Your only a young one! 
My son is 13 now so we have told him about our infertility! When he was younger and asked about having a sibling I
just used the :its gods will: quote with him [being a good Irish catholic girl] and he excepted that.
I always made an effort to his friends for tea weekly and got him involved with loads of clubs [scouts, swimming etc]
where he was surrounded by other children. Sometimes I think how different his life would have been if he had
brothers and sisters but I think there is sooo many benefits to being an only child too. Maybe a puppy would be good 
company for your son [ if you could bear it eating your shoes] Try not to bet yourself up about it hon because what
he hasnt had he cant miss so to him its normal! Hope that makes sense Take care x

Rambling So sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment  people dont realize how strong the longing
for a 2nd child can be 

RLH Congratulations on your pregnancy hon x

Suszy Lovely to hear from you sweetheart  You sound quite happy and content. Glad life is good for you!

Hazel hope reflexoligist was able to help with your cyst x

Sky Welcome hon! hows my fellow listerine!

Bambam 

Well ladies its a BFP for me!     Feeling very excited but worried because of what happened last year but for now good news!


----------



## Skybreeze

FFH.. Congratz on being PUPO!!! Good luck with the next 2 weeks, you embies sound lovely   Take care xxx

Jojo.. Oh sweetie, it much be very hard to even try to explain about not having a brother or sister for DH. You know where we are if you need another chat.   

Lyndalou... Congratz!! Whens you scan??

Take care everyone
Natalie xxx


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi ladies,thanks to everyone for the nice messages, and especially again to Jo who has been a good friend.

Jo hun I can identify with every word you have said; I have had this from DS constantly as well. It's now coming up to 4 years since we started TTC, so at first, my answers to him when he was your DS' ages were 'you will have a brother or sister one day but mummys and daddys have to wait their turn', then when we realised there was something wrong, it was 'Mummy's tummy doesn't work properly'.  Now he is old enough to explain that we wanted him to have a baby brother or sister but because mum's tummy doesn't work he probably won't ever have one.  Bless him, the last few months he has stopped asking as I think he understands a bit more.

I also have the same feelings about him playing alone, and like you, all of my family/friends/fellow school mums all have more than one child (and the one that doesn't is due to give birth in 2 weeks) so I'm in a very similar situation.  Even though DS has cousins nearby, the younger ones tend to play together, and the cousin his age plays more rough and tough games that my DS doesn't like so he prefers to play by himself.  It is very hard though, and like you I have been told 'he doesn't know any different' but in my opinion that's not quite the point! I hate it when we go on holiday and my DS is there playing on his own; it breaks my heart more than anything else, and I also have a huge problem with school photo time when everyone else is there with a gaggle of kids and my DS is sitting there on his own.  My MIL now has a lovely set of photos of all her grandchildren - all in pairs except for my DS (and he is the eldest).

Anyway what I'm trying to say in a long-winded way is, I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. My Ds is 9 this year. 9 years since I was pregnant, I can't believe it. I feel that even if I had a baby now they wouldn't play together anyway as the gap is now too big, so that is something I have to get used to whether we have another one or not. I used to want a 4-5 year age gap, like there is between me and my brother; then I thought 6-7 years might not be so bad. And now I'm looking at 9+ so the age gap thing has just got to take a back seat really. I don't think there's ever an ideal really  

Congratulations to lyndalou; and to anyone else with good news or who's just feeling more settled. Fingers crossed for those awaiting results/scans etc.

Keep smiling ladies.

ETA: I just had a thought about why I feel so miserable today. Not many people IRL knew I was going to see the IVF consultant, but none of the ones that did have asked me how we got on. Jo, you're in a minority of one!  If it wasn't for you hun, no one would have asked at all!

So much for friends, eh?

x


----------



## hbrodie

lyndalou - yay!!!!! congratulations on your BFP hun!

rambling rose - is IRL ireland hun?


----------



## jobo5572

*I*n *R*eal *L*ife hun . Easy mistake to make tho !!


----------



## hbrodie

ah! I thought you were Irish and saying no one there knew you were having an IVF appt   I am so dappy


----------



## jobo5572

*lyndalou * - congratulations hun  . That's wonderful news ! Thanks for your comments re: DS and my young age ( !!). There is no way I am getting a puppy ! DH wants one but I've always been a cat person, and my 13 year old cat would be far from impressed if we came home one day with a puppy ! I will try and make more of an effort to speak to the yummy mummy's at the school gates to see if they can prize their child away from their siblings for a few hours !! Congratulations again !!!!

*hbrodie * - not dappy hun - it made me laugh (not a lot does these days). Well done you for braving the christenings this morning - you should be proud of yourself. Hope you're being kind to yourself . (p.s. have you had my ** friend request ?)

*skybreeze * - thank you 

*ramblingrose * - thanks for your messages hun . I must try the "tummy not working properly" ones and see if they work. Am with you on the photos - at DS's last school photo shoot they said that those with siblings would be seen first and I had visions of DS standing at the very back of the entire school queue . They then sent a note out to say that parents could be included on the photo too as well as siblings so I dragged DH along and we had a family photo done (my ** photo) - I made sure we got there nice and early, and in fact we were at the front of the queue and DS was really happy that mummy & daddy were there with him. Apart from when the photographer said "is it just the 3 of you ?", I was actually quite amused at the bedraggled parents with their multi-child families that were tearing their hair out with all the bickering and squabbling going on. I have good days and bad days with it all as I'm sure we all do. As for Irish friends (or those in real life  - only joking hbrodie ), I don't know whether it's just cos they don't know what to say, or they can't be bothered to ask, or they're too tied up with their own lives or what it is. Not that I'm giving them any slack, but I guess it's only those that know what you're going through that care - perhaps similar to me having no sympathy with those friends of mine that moan about looking after their kids all the time when I would do anything to have to worry about more than one child. I have found though, that it is in times like this when you realise who your true friends are, and I know we've both been party to that. However, surely it wouldn't have taken much for those that know to just ask how your appointment went ? Look after yourself 

Gosh, there's been a lot of good news on here lately ladies - can you all slow down a bit and wait for the rest of us to catch up please ? Joking apart, I'm thoroughly happy for all of you and you give us all hope - I just hope that we _all _ get some good news soon . I also feel for those like *hbrodie * that have suffered a loss lately , those that are undecided as to what to do next or for the best, and for those like me that are sick of sinking in the stinky hell-hole pit that is SIF !!!!

Lots of love, luck and  to you all.

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

jo - when did you send the request hun? I looked earlier, about 7pm   I'll have another look in a mo.


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## hbrodie

jo, I have checked hun, no requests on **   I am Helen and my pic is of me laying on the floor with Emily when she was tiny (must update it   ) Or, pm me your details and I'll fine you


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## Skybreeze

Hi ladies

Can I please remind you not to put personal details on threads. Please use pm's.   

Take care ladies
Natalie xx


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*hbrodie * - I've PM'd you hun. Hope you're OK 

*ramblingrose * - hi hun . Hope you're OK. Hope my rambling, garbling email made sense last night - I must do better and forget about "things" I know  !!!

*missyb * - always on hand with the tweezers hun . Hope you're OK 

*ffh * - how're you doing, PUPO lady ? Thank you for remembering about my appointment tomorrow 

I am off to see my consultant tomorrow morning - the crafty one I managed to sneak in under the NHS due to a cancellation . Not sure where to start with him really as the last time I spoke to him my IVF tx had just been cancelled just before EC, and he sent me a new prescription for round 2 on short protocol to see if that made a difference to my lazy ovaries. We haven't gone for round 2 yet - it was supposed to be January but DH pulled the plug on it and we haven't done anything about it since (except argue !!!!). Trouble is, we just don't have the money for another go - we could've just about scraped by, but as DS needs another op and it's being done privately (long story), any money we did have is going on that - after all, he is the priority. So, I need answers as to how I am going to get pg without tx !!!!! Oh how I laugh . Last summer when I saw him before IVF in September time, he mentioned a lap but then said that actually perhaps that would cause more harm than good as it could cause scarring internally and adhesions. However, he did say that I could have adhesions from my C section and the only way to find out would be via a lap so we went around in circles . If he's still up for it, I'm going to beg for a lap as I really want to know what's going on in there. I have a feeling my endometriosis may have reared its ugly head again (due to some odd pains I've been getting) - I had a lap about 6/7 years ago as I was having odd pains, and they found endo and lasered what they could. He also said that just because my HSG was clear and showed both tubes to be OK, that this didn't necessarily mean that my tubes were working . So confused !!! How they find that out I do not know, but I also read something about eggs being released but not making it to the tube, never mind down it. For goodness sake, so many things that could go wrong !! On the other hand, if I was a poor responder at IVF, then does this mean that my eggs are shot anyway ?! Can you see why I'm confused ?! So many things to go wrong and I don't know which (if any) I need to be concerned about !! Unexplained is sooooooooooooooooooooo annoying !!! One thing I'm going to insist upon though, is DH doing another sample - why should it be just me that's prodded and poked and investigated ? Unexplained could be either of us, and he has produced a "below par" sample in the past. Even if he doesn't give me one (oo-er) I may still come home with a small pot to give DH . Ooh, I'm so evil 

Good grief, what a garble !! The poor bloke is going to wonder what's hit him tomorrow isn't he ?! DH isn't coming as he's working, but he'd be as much use as a chocolate teapot anyway so I'm fine going on my own. Having said that, the last time I went to his clinic, I had to be taken off into a side room to calm down as I was crying hysterically . Hope they don't remember me and run a mile ! I know there'll also be loads of pg women there too 

Anyway ladies, I will update you with any miracle cures on how to get pg tomorrow night after work. Note to self - get off la-la land Jo . Failing that, can I borrow the chair that all you pg ladies on here have been sitting on please ?

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

SORRY  
must not put personal details online.....I forget, like I am amongst friends....well, I am but I mean like real life freidns.....you know what I mean!  I forget public people can see too 

jo - got ur pm hun. Hummmmm, I think dh should do another sample, things change and he could have improved / deteriorated but it is best to know and as for the lap....go for it! I swear having my tubes flushed through via lap n dye is what helpd us get pg with emily! the 1st time we DTD after my op = we conceived!!


----------



## jobo5572

Thanks hbrodie !!

I will suggest lap & dye too.  Don't forget tho', my eggies (if there's any left) are 10 years older than yours so need their zimmer frames to get around so I may not be as lucky  !!


----------



## ramblingrose

Oi, Miss Jobo, stop all that talk about old eggs. Mine are older than yours, remember  

I just sent you a couple of emails, but, in any case, masses of







for tomorrow hun.

xxx


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## lyndalou

Hey girls less talk about the old eggs Im 40 

Jobo Good luck with your consultation today x

Skybreeze  Scan on the 26th. Whens yours hon x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Rambling rose - Hi hope you're feeling a bit better about things. It's definitely normal to feel stressed after appointment suggesting ivf. I remember coming out of appointmen after my laparoscopy last year and sobbing, I didn't even know why I was crying!!!! As time has gone on I have become accustomed to the thought that my dd may be an only child, she's nearly 7 now so any sibling wouldn't necessarily benefit here now anyway!!!  Having just gone through my first ivf cycle I would definitely say have a go, if nothing else psychologically you can feel that you've given everything a shot.

Jobo - I would recommend the lap, I was convinced I had scarring from my C section and it really put my mind at rest. If you have had endo in the past it may well be causing problems again so sorting it out could well be the answer. Hope you get on ok today.  

Lyndalou - How are you doing? It's good hearing that you're 40 and just got another bfp, I'm paranoid my eggs are too old at 35!! We all get so hung up about it don't we. I really hope you have a happy pregnancy.

hbrodie - hope you're ok and starting to feel a bit better. I hope you don't mind me saying but I think you've got lots of reasons to be hopeful for the future as you have managed to get bfp's naturally twice. I hope when you're ready to try again that it happens again for you  


Missyb - hope you're ok hun, when's the next scan?

Me - going mad already on 2ww!!! can't bear the thought of doing this again but we'd kind of agreed 3 rounds of ivf and then that's it -and I know if it's a bfn I couldn't let it drop so please be a bfp. Going to see a friends baby tomorrow, perhaps it'll give my body some maternal thoughts!!!!

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies

*hbrodie * - thanks for the PM's . Don't worry - I am addicted too . Hope you're OK 

*ffh * - thanks for your lovely texts . Will update below after I've done personals. Sorry to hear the 2WW is driving you nuts, though can imagine why . I have everything crossed for you  

*lyndalou * - hello spring chicken ! I think my concern over my zimmer-frame eggs is because I feel sooooo old, worn out and useless, so I'm presuming the eggies will be the same (if not worse ). Good luck for your scan  

*ramblingrose * - thanks for your texts too, and your emails . I will respond later tonight, but the 2nd one made me laugh, you self-centred, insensitive, uncaring person you !!!!

*missyb * - how're you diddling hun ?

OK, so here's the update on me......

I was in a mass panic driving around the grounds of my local hospital trying to park in time for my appointment this morning, so rang my consultants secretary to inform her I'd be late - she said "oh, Jo ? Appointment ? Today ?" which threw me into a blind panic and made me start raging . For some reason, although she remembers speaking to me a few weeks ago and arranging the appointment, I hadn't been put on the system and therefore wasn't down for seeing the consultant today . She made me hold the line, by which point I was nearly in tears, and then came back to say that I could still come in but I'd have to wait to see if they could fit me in !!! I'd already decided that I was going to go in and demand to be seen anyway as it was their error !

Anyway, garbling on as usual ! I managed to get to see my consultant and only had to wait about half an hour. Unfortunately he didn't have my notes in front of him due to the cock-up  but he remembered me from last time I saw him. He said that I seemed a lot calmer than the last time I saw him (which wouldn't be hard as I was hysterical !) and laughed when I showed him the list of questions that I had for him ! We briefly discussed my failed IVF attempt and I explained that we couldn't currently afford to go for round 2 which is why I wanted to explore other options if possible . He decided that it would be a good idea to have a lap to see if there was anything odd going on "in there" and to see if the endo had crept back or not. He'd also be able to check for adhesions etc. following the C section with DS. I mentioned lap & dye (thanks hbrodie !) and he said he would do that as well. I also asked about a hysteroscopy and he said he could do that too - after all, he might as well get it all out of the way whilst he was in there !! Wahey ! And all this on the NHS !! We also talked about the dreaded evil drug Clomid (which I've had before) and I also asked about Metformin which had been suggested to me by a GP recently - he'll look into both those after the lap if necessary as he did say that I may need some stimulation (oo-er missus). He also agreed to do another FSH test on day 3 of my next cycle to check that is OK, though he doesn't think it will be a problem (don't know why he thinks that). Forgot to ask about AMH though - duh ! Anyway, he said that the waiting time for the op would only be about 5/6 weeks, so fingers crossed, it will be fairly soon, and hopefully I may have some answers afterwards - of course there is the possibility that he'll get in there and find nothing, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it ! Oh, and he's going to look back over DH's samples to see if he needs retesting.

I have to say that I was pretty happy when I came out of the appointment because something is going to be done and there's not really anything I can do until after the lap when I'll find out if anything is wrong or not. If nothing else though, my tubes will be flushed, any endo will be zapped (hopefully) and hopefully it will kick my system up the bum and get things moving. As the lap is relatively soon I'm not panicking that I'm sitting waiting around for ages for something to happen.

So, fingers crossed that they don't screw this up and I get a date through for the op. I am now just waiting and can't do anything else.

Anyway, thanks for reading the above if you have. I apologise it's so garbled !!!

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## Skybreeze

Jobo... Thats amazing news hun! I am so glad the consultant listened to you... And getting everything on the NHS, what a bonus! I had a hysterscopy at the end of February I only waited 3 weeks for it. So I hope you dont have to wait to long. Good luck sweetie.    

Lyndalou... My scan is on Friday   I am not going to the Lister though as I found it cheaper to go to our local bupa hospital. I will let the Lister know everything. Are you going to the Lister?? 

Love to all
Natalie xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

yey jobo   so glad the appointment went well - don't think you could have asked for any more!!! I'm sure you'll get some answers and hopefully kickstart your system into action too!!! Well done you - were you trying to park at Worcester, it's a nightmare there isn't it.

Skybreeze - hope your scan goes well

Faithful xx


----------



## hbrodie

skybreeze -   4 ur scan hun   

Jo - wow, what a really good appointment! you sound like you got loads sorted out and an action plan in place....I find action plans help   so   not too long for your L&D etc   Mine took 5 weeks from the date I was told I needed one. 

FFH - nope, don;t mind at all hun   I myself have decided that is DH can father 2 children with 98%asa (one from prev marriage) and he fathered Squiggle too   then he can jolly well father another baby   he actually thinks he should be re-tested but he had 3 tests in the 1st place so they can't all be wrong   surely??


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hbrodie - I think it would definitely be worth a retest for dh. There's lots of evidence on here of men's counts getting a lot better. But completely agree with you if he's fathered 2 i'm sure he can make it 3!!!!


----------



## hbrodie

hummmmm, might suggest he has a test then as it is on his mind......and we just don;t understand how, after being told we needed ICSI but chances then would still be slim, he has managed 2 nat BFPs  

how is everyone today?

jo - how r u hun? 

skybreeze - hello! how r u feelin?

ramblingrose - hiya! how r u?


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi ladies,

Once again, thanks for the nice thoughts/messages and support.

Jo - you had a great appointment there (apart from the initial confusion!!) - I'm so glad for you, hopefully it means progress in the right direction.  

hbrodie, thanks you for the wishes and hope you're feeling ok.  

FFH - hope the 2ww passes well for you. Must be really hard to keep yourself busy.

lyndalou - don't get a puppy!!! (not if you value your furniture and your sanity anyway. if you need and good examples to put you off, I have tons of them!!! LOL)

Hi to everyone else and hope everyone's feeling ok.  I've been very up and down the past few days (no, not that in THAT way   ) and generally don't know what to do right now. Not looking too hopeful on the job front which has given me a bit of a knock, and I'm also quite upset that none of my RL friends have contacted me to ask how I got on. Feel a bit abandoned really  

Got to look after my little nephew again tomorrow, so have to prepare myself for a tearful evening again tomorrow night, which is a real shame as I really enjoy looking after him, it just gets me deep inside that I'm jiggling someone else's baby on my knee and not my own.  Got 2 friends imminently due as well, so gearing myself up for all that.

At the moment my bggest worry is how we're going to fund the tx if we go ahead. We're really suffering with me not working and I'm just not sure how to do it.  I think our only option is adding it into the mortgage; is that the general way of doing things when you've not got any savings? It's a terrible thing when a lot of it boils down to money and how many goes (if any) you can afford.  

That lottery win would come in very handy now.

Not much energy tonight ladies, and off to watch The Apprentice in a bit, so tata for now.

xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

rambling rose - yes money is a bit of an issue isn't it   I guess people do different things to get the money together but putting it on the mortgage is quite a common way I think.Hope you enjoy looking after your nephew today and that it isn't too traumatic afterwards.

Hi to everyone else

Had a bit of an emotional moment this morning, dh rang and I had a bit of a blub. Really don't think it's going to have worked, I just can't imagine that it will have - bfp's don't happen to me!!!   Anyway some friends came over and we went out for lunch and I felt much better afterwards. 

Faithful x


----------



## Skybreeze

FFH... Oh hun, I'm sorry your not feeling great at the moment. Please try and stay positive, I know its flipping hard.. I have been through 3 2ww and they are hard. But trust me people like you do get BFP's. I never thought I would be this lucky. If I am, you can be!

Take care sweetie
Natalie xxx


----------



## hbrodie

rambling rose -     tx is so expensive and it is so mean     and also   to your RL mates!

FFH -         

jo - hiya! how r u hun?

skybreeze - how r u?

am doin ok.....decided after a long chat that we will start TTC again in August as we r going away early sept for 2 weeks and if I do (by some miracle) get pg in the 1st mth of trying   then I will not have the dreaded MS by that point as with emily I was sick 21 weeks and with squiggle I started feeling sick after the bleeding started   so I think I am a sicky one....


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*ffh * - sorry you feel like you're not going to get a BFP . I expect the 2WW is praying constantly on your mind and driving you slowly . Can you try and keep yourself occupied and take your mind off it (OK, stupid idea me ). Shall I come over and bash you over the head with a big brick or drug you up so that you can sleep for the next week instead ?! Here's some positive vibes for you to see you through the next week                    . Try and stay positive hun, though I know it must be hard 

*hbrodie * - glad you and DH liked my idea hun . You seem to have good plan ahead of you. Hope you're OK 

*ramblingrose * - I hope today with your nephew wasn't too bad and that you are not too sad this evening . I think you're being very sensible with the money situation, unlike myself who was more along the lines of "worry about it later" when we did tx last year - at least at the moment I know we have no chance of any further tx due to DS's op cost but of course he is my priority and so there is no problem with it. I can associate with your problem with RL friends - they seem to just conveniently forget about our SIF as if it doesn't matter any more, or we are "over it" (as if ). But what I find more inexcusable is those friends in RL (not on here) that have had SIF themselves and still don't make the effort to appreciate how you're feeling . We're all behind you hun 

*skybreeze * - yes, it was nice to be listened to for a change !! And by a man as well !

I'm OK - having a bit of a nightmare with my silly ***** of a boss at work who is getting funny with me due to the time off I'll need for DS and my own op & recovery. Frankly, both these things are none of her business but she keeps trying to snoop and I am adamant that I'm not telling her what I'm having done, and certainly not why. I managed to keep my tx under wraps last year somehow so I'm sure I can do this too. In any case, for my op I can self certify for the first 5 days and then get a sick note if I need to for any more time off - I know I had 2 weeks off last time I had a lap as I had terrible pain afterwards which lingered on - this was about 7 years ago so it was a different boss, and back then I'd never even heard of SIF !

DS has got a birthday party at the weekend which will be full of kids and their siblings. I'm thinking of getting a t-shirt made to highlight my SIF for all the yummy mummy's to see - do you want one ramblingrose ?!!!

Love to all

Jo


----------



## ramblingrose

Jo - I'm liking the T-shirts idea   - I have a few suggestions for slogans if you want any  

Sorry your boss is being a cow, hun. As you know, been there, bought the t-shirt (ah, we're onto T-shirts again!) so I totally understand. I also understand you not wanting to tell her what the time off is for - it might give you just that little bit of pleasure knowing she is dying to know.    

FFH - aw hun    You can't keep up the PMA 24 hours a day, so you're bound to have an off-day. If its any consolation, 2 people I know who had IVF and both thought it hadn't worked during the 2WW - and it worked for both of them. I know it's really annoying when people say things like that sometimes, but it is true, and just becaise you don't 'feel' that it's worked doesn't necessarily mean anything.

hbrodie - well, I think you've made a fair decision waiting to TTC again til later in the year. You will benefit from a bit of time to heal, and you hopefully will feel a lot stronger by them    I can totally identify with the MS fear - I puked all the way through the 9 months with DS, and remember how I said to my boss at the time 'if I ever talk about goung through this again, please remind me about this.'  How flippantly we say these things, eh, and I would give anything to be throwing my guts up again for those reasons now   

Hi to everyone else and hope you're all ok.

I looked after my little nephew this afternoon as I mentioned. It was fine and I feel ok-ish tonight, just a little bit empty. He puked all over me a couple of times   before falling asleep in my arms. You forget how heavy 6 month-olds are!

Can't believe it's been a week since my appt - I'm ringing the bank tomorrow to make an appt to discuss our finances to see what the options are. At least I'll feel like I'm doing something.

Did anyone see Loose Women this lunch time? They were talking about fertility, how it had affected them (or not) and was interesting to see their experiences. I especially felt for Lisa Maxwell and identified with a lot of what she said.

I've had a horrible throbbing pain most of today in my left groin (sort of at the bottom of my pelvic bone) which has set me off worrying again. I am prone to urine infections, have blocked tubes, so worry it's one of these things getting worse, or something sinister there. It's very possibly a muscle spasm but it's really horrible (coming every 8 seconds - I'm timing it!) IUf it's not gone by tomorrow I might ring the docs, but I'm also terrified of going as my mind works overtime and I worry about what it is.

Anyway, less of my moaning. If I was a horse they'd shoot me. Hope you all have a nice evening and weekend if I don't get on here before then.

xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Just lost long post   too cross to do it again now - will come back later


----------



## jobo5572

I too am cross  .  Just got home and have received a letter from the hospital informing me that the waiting time for my lap is 2-4 months  !!  I was told 5-6 weeks by my consultant the other day  .  It's put me in a big bad mood as I was thinking it would all happen relatively quickly.  2-4 months seems like ages and time isn't on my side  .

Sorry for the moan  .  I know you girls understand that waiting around isn't very nice when you're so depserate for a way forward or some answers, especially when all the time fertility is going down the pan anyway .

Will come back when I've calmed down somewhat.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Jobo - so sorry it's going to be longer than you thought. It is possible that they are erring on the side of caution in the letter - I really hope so.  

Faithful x


----------



## ramblingrose

FFH - What was your long post about? Hope you're ok.

Jo - hope the appt comes through a bit quicker. Have emailed you anyway hun, but try and keep your chin up.

I am happy to report the throbbing pain has gone. That's my good news for the day


----------



## hbrodie

ramblingrose - I am glad your pains have gone hun  

FFH - what was your post about hun??

Jo - how cr4p your waiting time is so long! I thought it was an nhs initiative to have 6wk wait maximum??


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - thanks for your email - I've just replied ! Glad your throbbing pains have gone. I've got a big pain too - it's gone at the moment, but is due back about 10.45pm after work 

*hbrodie * - mmm, I've heard that too about the NHS. Suppose I'll just have to wait and see . Hope you're OK 

*FFH * - what was in your long post ? Are you OK ?

*missyb * - are you OK ? 

*skybreeze * - hope the scan went well today  

I've no energy left tonight for ranting any more, and it won't get me anywhere anyway so I will go to sleep and hopefully have snapped out of it by the morning (unless it is PMT in which case it may linger on for days     !!).

Hope you all have a lovely weekend

Jo x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies how are you guys doing? ive had a horrendous week (long story so i wont bore you all  ) 

i think my o key is playing up so im sorry if i mispell anything! 

hi jobo... im soooooo sorry that you have longer to wait then you were told. i know that all we seem to do is wait, and wait and yet more waiting. it will be worth it in the end hun.

sorry for no other personals... i'd better go and do some house work as im still in my pj's!

hope you are all well and have a lovely weekend.


Amanda xx


----------



## ramblingrose

missyb - hope you are ok - you sound stressed  

Don't feel that you're boring anyone by telling us what's been wrong this week. That's what we're all here for.

xxx


----------



## hbrodie

missyb - yes, I second ramblingrose   hope u r ok


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

I so need to get a life....tonight I found myself crying whilst watching "Britain's Got Talent" . Now, perhaps I was crying at the fact that I was actually watching such a dreadful programme, I don't know, but what a silly mare !

Anyway, thought I'd share that useless piece of information with you lovely ladies as I know you won't laugh at me - well not to my face anyway !!!

*missyb * - aw hun     . Thanks for the texts. I'm sure the ladies on here won't be bored by your story at all.

*ramblingrose * - hi hun ! Do you reckon between yours and my DH's shifts we'll manage to sort out meeting up before we're old & grey...oops, sorry, I'm already there  ! Hope to see you soon 

*hbrodie * - how's the throat ? Hope you're feeling better 

*skybreeze * - you ok ?

I've just finished reading "Fit for Fertility" by Michael Dooley which I got out of the library last week. It was actually quite a good read - dead easy to read and understand and covered all sorts of stuff. Whilst it is primarily aimed at primary IF, it does touch on secondary too, and just provides loads of information about all the tests, scans, procedures, tx's, conditions, etc. I may even buy myself a copy. Much easier to read than a book I bought recently - Alan Beer's "Is Your Body Baby-Friendly?: Unexplained Infertility, Miscarriage and IVF Failure". Finding it a bit hard going, and it goes on a lot about immunes etc. which is way too confusing for my small brain last thing in the day. Don't know what I expected to get out of the books - an answer to all my problems  ?? - but anyway. Perhaps I should go back to lighter reading - or not bother at all !

Psyching myself up for the fertility-filled birthday party tomorrow . Must get that t-shirt printed !!

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## missyb

awww guys dont be nice to me as i'll nly start crying (again) i seem to be doing that alot llately for ne reason or another!!! the long and short of it is my dd's have gone to live with their dad... he has been filling their head with shi* esp about the baby.... im s angry and upset... i know i have to bide my time... even though i have custody the police have said that there is nothing they can d as they are in no danger... it's been so horrible and their dad has got nasty as i wont sign custody over.


i dont know what to do  


hi jobo... thanks for your texts love   i wore my prone to mood swings t-shirt today as a warning to all!

amanda xx  ps [email protected]@dy o key!!


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## jobo5572

*missyb * - hope you're OK hun . As I said to you last night, I really hope the girls realise their dad is not all he's cracked up to be and that he has been talking out of his . It is such a shame that he has been brainwashing them with a complete load of tripe, and using your fantastic good news against you - how truly unfair - what a ba5tard . And all this just at a time when you don't want to be getting stressed . Take comfort in the fact that you have custody hun, and give it a little time and I'm sure the girls will come running back - he can only keep up the [email protected] for so long and then I'm sure he'll be bored of it and they'll see him for what he is. The girls are safe, even if they're living with a [email protected] temporarily, so you just concentrate on you, DP & baby missy    .      it all works out for you hun.


----------



## hbrodie

missyb - I lived with my dad for a time cos I thought the sun shone from his ar$e but soon realised it most certainly did not....I wised up to him pretty quick! your kids will too sweetie, I promise....and when the baby arrives they'll be so excited they'll wanna come back anyway       

jo - I crya t britains got talent too!  

I have a head cold, well, just in my throat   emily has a full blown evil cold.... streamin nose, flushed cheaks, screamed most of the day   and is now fighting sleep! no amount of medicine is helping poor thing   I feel so helpless and seem to just make things worse...she wants a cuddle so I cuddle her and she pushes away then cries when I put her down, if I go away from her she screames, if I go closer she yells   oh dear, poor thing.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

missyb - sorry about dd's, ditto what the others have said, I'm sure they will be back as soon as they realise their dad has been trying to pull the wool over their eyes. Try not to stress too much, you don't need this at the moment  

Me - Had bad AF cramps all night and still there now, I know the witch is on her way   and I know that it's not going to suddenly turn into a bfp I remember having AF cramps when prg with dd but I already felt prg then. I have no symptoms whatsoever it's definitely a bfn for me. Why won't anything work for me?    Sorry to be on a downer.

Faithful x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ps hbrodie - hope dd is a bit better today - and you too. She might be teething at the same time as having bad cold, my dd was inconsolable when teething.

ramblingrose - glad your pain got better. your post about morning sickness made me smile - I was exactly the same, vomiting for the full 9 months and moaning that I never wanted to go through that ever again..................now I'd give anything to have my head over the loo!!!!


----------



## jobo5572

ffh - just wanted to send lots of            that the AF-like cramps are nothing and you get the bfp you deserve.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks Jobo - really don't think that's going to happen though.

By the way - I cry at Has Britain got talent too!!!! We must be saddo's together!!!!


----------



## ramblingrose

Doesn't everyone cry at BGT It's what it's there for!

Just wanted to send some   to FFH and missyb. Hope there is light at the end of the tunnel, ladies.




I've just been for a counselling session and it was goooooooooood and I feel ready for the world now!!!!!

Who's first    

xxx


----------



## hbrodie

rose - glad you feel good after your counselling! I found it a tonic  

FFH - sweetie        

jo - how r u?

missyb - I hope you are ok too

all ok here, had a barney with dh today as I have at some point curbed the back nearside alloy on our car and not noticed and he is soooo finicky (sp) about it....we went out for a nice cuppa at a local cafe and he nboticed as we were going in, then proceded to sulk and snap 'what do you want' and I said a cup of tea I think, to which he snapped about not wanting to eat, or something   so I said 'oh for goodness sake, take me home I don;t wanna be with you when you're likle this' then on the way home I decided to ERRUPT at him about loads of things that annoy me about him, stepDD, my mum, people in general, the world......you get the picture, then at home I sat in the kitchen and cried and cried and he asked if I loved him and was happy in my life....  so I felt guilty and cried more   then we hugged, chatted, had a cuppa, fed emily and went out for lunch to a different place and then spent the p.m wandering round the local nationa ltrust garden then st ives   feeling better for my rant to him though


----------



## ramblingrose

Hbrodie - a good rant/row sometimes does the world of good. I had a very similar one with Dh a couple of weeks ago and felt much better for it afterwards.  

Well, after my earlier positive frame of mind, I am now sitting here having a right panic.

I just watched a video of someone injecting themselves (IVF, not heroin!) and it has totally, totally freaked me out. I am NEVER going to be able to do that.  Never.

I'm not scared of needles, but I can't look if I have an injection,, and the thought of doing it myself makes me feel really really terrified. And Dh can't do it because he's not home the same time every day.

I can't do this, I really can't.


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - oh hun . If only I'd video'd myself when I was doing my injections, you could've watched that instead and you would have more than likely wet yourself laughing than freaked yourself out. Only you can make the decision of whether or not to go ahead, but having done IVF once myself, I can honestly say that the injections themselves aren't that bad - in fact they're probably the easiest part of the rollercoaster ride. It obviously doesn't feel "right" or "normal" at first but you soon get used to it. I didn't think I'd be able to do it to myself either, and knew DH couldn't due to his shifts, but I just had to focus on the potential outcome and do it - I knew if I didn't that I had no chance. After the first one or two it becomes like second nature. I know that no amount of me going on about my experience is going to persuade you, but I just wanted to reassure you it isn't as bad as it seems. I'm sure your clinic will do a "practice" session with you - mine did and I know most do. Is it worth giving them a ring and telling them your concerns and seeing if you can go somewhere (perhaps more local, or the GP) to have just one try and see if you can do it ? I'm sure you're not the first and you certainly won't be the last person to think that you can't do it. What IVF video was it anyway ? Email me more if you like hun 

*hbrodie * - glad you're feeling better after your rant to DH. They all need a bit of ranting every now and then to keep them on their toes 

*missyb * - thinking of you and hoping you're OK 

Well I spent 2 hours yesterday afternoon at a birthday party sitting at a table of school mums all with 2/3 kids, and them all moaning about the trials and misery of having to run around after their 2/3 kids . I could feel myself getting more and more agitated and after a while I just had to butt in and say "my DS is an only child", to which one of the mothers went "ahhhh" in a really patronising way. I felt like saying to her "we don't need your bl00dy sympathy love", but instead just said "it's not through choice" but didn't go on to say why as I wasn't feeling particularly brave !!! What I did find interesting is that some of DS's school friends are the youngest sibling, and the mothers were saying how left out they felt when their older brothers/sisters went out to play with their friends, and how they were left on their own to play and how sorry they felt for them !! I did say that my DS is used to that, being an only child, and a couple did suggest that the kids got together after school to play/have tea etc. So, I may have sorted playmates for my DS, but part of me just wanted to say "bugger it" and leave them to their little smug family units. However, the more adult part of me took over and thought about the best thing for DS, so he is going to be playing with other children after school now and then. I'm hoping all that has just made some sense . I am very tired and must get to bed.

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Jobo - glad Ds got some friends to play with after school. My dd often goes out to play, or I have them here to play. In fact with swimming, ballet and youth group it's hard to fit it all in.  

ramblingrose - I was terrified of injecting myself. I first had to do it for iui and went into the clinic for the injections as they were only every other day. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable if you went to the clinic for your first injection and did it with a nurse helping you - I know that really helped me. Once I'd done it once supervised I was absolutely fine, the injections really aren't that bad - it's the 2ww that's the killer!!!


hbrodie - I think it does you good to have a good blow up every so often, I tend to sit and stew about things and then it all comes out at once!!! Sounds like you had a nice afternoon in the end though.

missyb - hope you're ok 

Well I tested early this morning, it was an out of date test and I didn't use the first wee of the morning but it was a definite BFN. AF still hasn't arrived but I think it's the cyclogest holding it off. Glad I tested as didn't want to get there in the morning and have my hopes up. Feel surprisingly ok at the moment, had my   on sun night when had pmt and AF pains. I didn't really expect it to work first time but you can't helping hoping that it might!!

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

*ffh * - oh hun, I am so so sorry _if _ the test was right     . I know they say that the first attempt can be seen as an experiment, but it still doesn't stop you hoping it will work - of course we all think that, or we wouldn't put ourselves through it, and of course it _does _ work for some people and I'm hoping you're one of them. I'm really hoping that when you test tomorrow at the clinic that your hpt was wrong .


----------



## hbrodie

jo - sounds like DS is gunna have some new playmates then   well done hun for being polite with the smug mums  

FFH -    get an IN date test hun and do it first thing in the morning   still  

ramblingrose - injections are not the nicest things in the world, no one likes doing them! I don;t like giving them to my patients! but there is a light at the emd of the tunnel in which you are doing this for sweetie....just picture that when the times comes


----------



## Pand

FFH - Oh hun. This waiting is like torture.  I'm not going to patronise you and say it may still be a positive.  None of us have a crystal ball.  You know your body better than anyone, but I truly hope you and the HPT are wrong.  Still keeping everything crossed for you.  You know where I am if you need a shoulder, but I really hope you won't need it.  It ain't over til the fat lady sings sweetie.  Sit tight til tomorrow. Big hugs.

RamblingRose - Don't let the injections put you off IVF.  I still can't watch someone else doing injections on me, but it's a very different ball game when you do your own. The only thing I can liken it to is if you squeeze your own spots it doesn't hurt as much as if someone else does it!  I absolutely promise you that the injections won't be anywhere near as bad as you think.  The anticipation and fear is far worse than the reality.  Before you know it you will be an injection pro.  Good luck.  xxx

Missyb - How you doing this week hun?  How many oreos have you attacked?  


Hbrodie - You have been through an awful time try to be kind to yourself.  I too curbed my hubby's new car today and it made me feel sick when I had to tell him.  He was really good about it but I felt blooming awful.  My heart goes out to you and the little one that you have lost.  I have been there.  I know how much it hurts as do many of the girls on here.  Just don't feel bad about having blips.  You are very much entitlted to get upset.  

Hi to everyone else and especially all the lovely oldies who rarely post anymore.  

Pand


----------



## ramblingrose

Just a very quick message as got a busy day today.

FFH - just wondering how you are, lovey? I have been thinking about you and keeping my fingers crossed, as I know others have been too.

Jo - you are a fabulous friend and thankyou for being so understanding about everything. Don't know what I would have done without you these last few weeks.

Hope everyone else is ok - missy, hbrodie, how are you both? You've not posted for a few days, hope you're ok. 

I'm still feeling a bit wobbly about it all, especially in view of the fact I have very little support from family and close friends, but hey ho. I've come to the conclusion that it's my life and they can all butt out. I have the joyous event of going to stay with my mother next week, and although i haven't said anything to her yet, if I get the devil in me I might drop it in and wait for what gems of wisdom she gives me so I can come back and report them here to you ladies and have a rant, because I know it won't be along the lines of 'we''re here for you' or anything like that..........! My mother is one of those who's stuck in her own little world of problems and can't see that people around her need a bit of support, which is a trait that makes me so   because I'm so not like that. Oh well, I shouldn't expect anything else really.

Well, I'm just sitting tight until we have the meeting with bank. I have a couple of friends due in the next few days who have had fertility issues so looking forward to hearing about their little bundles of joy. Looking forward to doing some baby shopping, even though it's not for me. They've both waited a long time to be in this position so I'm dying to hear what flavour they both produce! It's weird to think that this time next year I might be in a similar situation, or I'll know by then it's not going to happen. Just going to take it a stage at a time really, isn't that the only way?

Anyway, hope it's lovely and sunny where you all are like it is here. I'm off out with the dog before I go and get a much needed haircut.

xxx


----------



## jobo5572

Ladies - apologies if this is relatively brief and disjointed but I'm at work in a different office from normal so this screen is minimised and I can barely see it ! Anyway, *faithfullyhoping * has asked me to post on her behalf, as her PC is disconnected at the moment and she is getting ready for a break in the Lakes, so here goes:

She got a BFN yesterday which is what she thought it was going to be . She had a really good chat with the nurse who was really positive about how the tx had gone (apart from the result obviously), so she was feeling strangely quite positive and is going to try again in a few months time. Today she is surprisingly OK and looking forward to some time without treatment, and also feeling better for knowing what the problem might be - only some good eggs with others that are poorer quality.

*faithfullyhoping * - sending you lots of love and . Take some time to look after yourself and have a great break in the Lakes - looking forward to hearing from you when you get back. So sorry this tx wasn't your time, but sending lots of   for next time. Take care 

*ramblingrose * - you're fab   p.s. I'm convinced we share the same mother . Will catch up with you later.

*missyb * - hope you're OK hun 

*hbrodie * - hi hun 

Right, I'd better get back to some work. Am very conscious that there's some bloke sitting very close to me and I think he's looking over my shoulder . Perhaps I should ask him if he wants to discuss SIF ?!

Love to all

Jo


----------



## ramblingrose

Aw, just wanted to send FFH some of these    Glad you're feeling positive despite the situation, though.  I guess the way to try and view it is every step is a step in the right direction, like you say, knowing what's wrong is something to hold onto and move forward.  I know it's easier said than done, but you're heading in the right direction, and with a bit of support, the possibilities are endless.

Take care
xxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!
  

i have just written something and lost it!!   i wanted to say that i'm touched that you have all kept me in your thoughts even though you have your own journeys and trials going on.

thank you all so much for your advice..... im trying to chill out which is hard and look after me and jellybean.


hi pand... fab to see you posting on here... ive sooo missed you... i hope the rest of the golden girls pop in to see us soon too.

hi jobo... thank you so so much for the texts    dont forget to plug up the holes  

ffh....   hun im sooo gutted for you. i really hoped it would be a bfp for you. im glad that the nurse was so positive and that the next tx will be the one for you      

hi rambling...   families are a funny thing eh? when i say funny i dont mean ha ha either. im sorry that you dont get much support from your mum... may the force be with you next week when you stay. you made me larf about what flavour your friend is having   at the moment ive been eating like a horse so im hoping mine is raspberry ripple (im like a brown homer simpson at the moment!!) your turn will come hun and i bet your friends will be just as excited for you as you are for them.

hi hbrodie    how are you doing love? hope that you are looking after yourself hun. thank you so much for the advice re dd's. how long did you live with your dad for? i guess i just have to bide my time.


i hope you guys are all well. love you all loads. hope you have a fab weekend and that the weather wherever you are is lovely!!!!



Amanda xx


----------



## jobo5572

Hi ladies

Had some devastating news this morning (non-SIF related so sorry for posting it on here). The world renowned & only UK specialist in the field of surgery that my DS requires announced yesterday that he is retiring with immediate effect. This means that my DS's op on 1st June is no longer going ahead, and I am distraught    . I just don't know what to do now. My DS requires the surgery and I just don't trust anyone else to do it. His consultant was the only UK specialist - others will attempt the surgery but aren't specialists in this field so there are obvious risks doing this. All I ever wanted was the best for my DS and this has now been taken away from us  . Why the f*** can't just one, one eensy teensy little thing go right for us ? I don't know how much more my stress levels can handle.

So sorry to offload on you guys. Please bear with me if my posts are a little all over the place for a bit 

Jo


----------



## hbrodie

hi all

been AWOL for a while, sorry.

jo -   how come the cons is not honouring the surgery he has booked already and juts does not take on extra cases? maybe it is an urgent thing he has to retire for (health?) but     I can totally appreciate how frustrating that muist be for you and your DH , and your DS too!    have you met any other members of his team? do you trust any of them hun?

FFH - so sorry sweetie     take time out, enjoy tx free time and re-group. thinking of you.  

pand - hello!

rambling rose - hi hun.   am ok ta, feeling a tad delicate but I blame hormones as I think af is round the corner   Your mum sounds rather like my mum at times   I think it is their way - to be insensitive! Have a lovely time shopping with your friends and their LOs. It is not nice to have to shop for babies that aren't yours but also nice that these babies are from IF problems which have now been resolved. still, huge   4 u as it may be a difficult day  

missyb - how r u hun? how do u feel? I lived with Dad for 6mth of the year at a time - I decided to split it like that but it only lasted 2 years   cos he was a class A pillock!


----------



## jobo5572

So sorry about my selfish me post earlier ladies 

*hbrodie * - good to hear from you. I was beginning to get worried as you'd gone quiet. Sorry the old w1tch bag is on her way - I wish she'd just leave us all alone . Hope you're doing OK . Re: DS's surgeon - it's all a bit too complicated to go into hun, but suffice to say it ain't gonna happen 

*missyb * - hope your appointment went well today 

*ramblingrose * - I hope you'll be OK when the announcements happen  and I hope the one thinks before she opens her mouth as I know she hasn't always has she ! You're right to take this all one stage at a time - there's nothing more we can do really. Best of luck with your preparations for staying with your mother 

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend


----------



## hbrodie

jo -     no posts here are selfish hun, you need to vent then vent


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## hbrodie

jo - hun I am trying to pm you but your inbox is full


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## ramblingrose

Hi ladies, just another quick one tonight as I'm suffering a bit with a headache today and don't want to be on the PC too long.

Jo I'm so sorry to hear your news - how annoying; very strange that they were taking bookings for him and now he's finishing. I'm guessing it must be health or personal-related for that to happen    Anyway, I know you had your trust in him and him alone, but surely your DS isn't the only one and there will be someone out there who can do the op? What a nightmare for you all though; just when you were geared up for it.  

Missy and hbrodie; glad you are both ok (ish) Thinking of you both.

Well, I've had a busy day speaking to all sorts of people on the phone re finances for tx, managing my arthritis whilst having tx, etc....also am applying for a new job and have a telephone interview arranged for a week on Monday. Not sure whether now is a great time to be starting a new job (in fact I know it's not) but I'm finding being stuck at home every day a bit frustrating now and we could really do with the extra cash, so am applying anyway and just going to see how it goes.  

I'm contemplating putting of the tx for a couple of months until I know what's happening jobwise; being not well today has reminded me that I've not yet got that horrible virus out of my system that I had in Feb/March, and also I'm not the young woman I was 10 years ago just before I fell pg with DS. I had a nice chat with the nurse at my surgery today (had to go for regular blood test) and she was asking how we'd got on, and she was really lovely to me and I really felt like crying, as it's really the first time anyone irl has given me much kindness about it all. It was like she was the mum I should have    Anyway, I mentioned to her my fear over doing the injections myself, and she said they might be able to help me a little bit there if it's a real huge problem.

So, a little teeny bit of progress. I'm having a think about the timescale and how to approach it all now. 

Anyway, hope you all have a nice weekend.  If I'm not about it's probably because I'm trying to stay off the PC for a few days to try and sort my headaches out.

Wishing you all lots of love and sunshine.

xxx


----------



## hbrodie

rose -  your nurse sounds lovely! and like she will do loads to help you if she can. I helped out a fellow FF-er (at the time we were not on FFs as I didn't know about my IF issues and she was only just having bt's pre-IVF and is now a mummy to a gorgeous son!) by taking her bloods and getting her results through quickly and I got them printed out for her to take with her to her appt with the cons which we normally charge 4   but I used my printer in my room to do it......you may have found another version of me in your nurse!


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - hi hun. I've emptied some junk from my PM folder now, so fire away. Thanks for your lovely post 

*ramblingrose * - glad your nurse was helpful. I think you're being very sensible trying to sort all the various things out. I hope you're feeling better soon - you know you'll get lots of sympathy off your mother if you're not 

Thanks to all of you that have posted kind words and/or texted about DS - it means a lot to me. No progress, but then there's not a lot I can do at the weekend anyway.

Love to all 

Jo


----------



## hbrodie

hi all

jo - I am so scatty, I have forgotten what my PM to you was about ah, now I remember....I'll pmu   

how r u all?? rose - hun, how r u feelin?


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## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - thanks for the PM hun 

*ramblingrose * - hope you're feeling better  

*missyb * - thanks for your texts . Hope you've stopped making a mess everywhere 

I am resembling a red lobster, having spent too much time in the sun today . Covered DS in sun cream and forgot to do myself .

Hope you're all enjoying the bank holiday weekend.

Love Jo x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!!

hope youre having a lovely bank holiday! i need to get my   in gear and get dressed and go to b & q to get some planters and a incinerator bin thingy!

i have been sooooo tired ladies and feel like i have narcolepsy!

hi jobo... have stopped making a mess!! ha ha hearing dp wretching at me wretching was enough to make me laugh and cry!! how is the sunburn today hun i caught the sun a bit yesterday (it could hardly flaming miss me!!) but not too bad.   you are well... always here to provide an alibi!!  

hi hbrodie... thanks for the insight as to what happened with you and your dad... my ex is such a   and he amazes me at how evil he is and how low he will go. he told my eldest that i said that she was a mistake (forgetting to tell her how hard we tried to conceive her and the awful mc i went through just before we got pg with her) i cant believe anyone would stoop so low... am i just being naive?? i just keep hoping that they will see him for what he is and not hate me in the process.


hi rambling how did it go at your mums? do you need me and the girls to come and get you hope that you are ok love  


right im going to go and psyche myself up for b&q.


huge hugs to all


Amanda x


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## hbrodie

hi-de-hi ladies  

missy -   dh!!! you are not naive, you r like me and think the world is a nice place - we have the same rose-tinted glasses obviously


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

*missyb * - hope you enjoyed B&Q !! Is the incinerator bin thing for ex-DH ? Can't you just get DP to lift a few patio slabs and we can put him and my DH under there ? The sunburn is looking delightful - luckily the sun was behind the clouds all day today as I think it's going to take a few days to go down - what a  eh ?!

*hbrodie * - thanks for the PM hun 

*ramblingrose * - hope you're feeling better 

*faithfullyhoping * - still thinking of you and hoping you are OK 

I was  this morning - needed to go for my day 3 FSH test and of course being the Bank Holiday the ruddy phlebotomy department was shut . How inconsiderate of them . Surely they could've opened it up just for me ? I'm hoping that a "first thing on day 4" test tomorrow will be good enough


----------



## hbrodie

how did you get on with your bt hun?


----------



## Skybreeze

Hey everyone! 

I have been away visiting family in Manchester. Sorry I have been around.

Jobo... Oh hun, how upsetting.   I cant believe that he just retired just like that. So whats your next step? Hope that FSH test went well, day 4 is fine hun. Not to worry.

FFH.. I am so sorry sweetie, my thoughts are with you. 

Lyndlou.... Havent you got your scan soon?

Love to all
Natalie xxx


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## hbrodie

ooooh, hi! did ytou have a nice time hun?


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## Skybreeze

It was very nice thank you. Went shopping in the trafford center and went out saturday. It was fun, apart from the 7 hour car ride up there!


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## hbrodie

yuk! 7 hours!!


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

*hbrodie * - bt went OK yesterday thank you, but I forgot to ask how long I need to wait for the results . Been keeping up with your diary hun and wanted to send you a big . I hope you get some answers to put your mind at rest 

*skybreeze * - no idea what the next step is I'm afraid - DS's consultant is the only UK specialist in his condition so I'm stuck . Glad you had a good trip up north and that your scan went well.

*ramblingrose*, *missyb*, *faithfullyhoping * and everyone else - hello and 

I had yesterday off work and took DS out for the day, and met up with a "friend" and her DS (her other son aged 18 months was at nursery) - in the middle of lunch she announced that her and DH had been discussing adoption, cos they "felt like another" (ooh, I fancy one of them so I'll have one-stylie) but "didn't want another boy"  (her DH has an 18 year old from previous relationship and they have 2 boys between them). She "doesn't want to be pregnant again" (oh to have the choice ) and would "hate it" if she did get pg and have another boy . Oh, and in any case, she "tried for AGES" (all of 4 months ) to get pg with no.2 and "doesn't want to wait around again" - oh ha, ha, bl00dy ha, the silly . I was gobsmacked . She is known for her insensitivity and I've only remained sociable with her as my DH is friends with her DH and the boys like to play - they live half an hour away so it's not as if we see them very often thank goodness. When I first announced my SIF to her about 2.5 years ago, she replied with something like "I don't know what your problem is; that's nothing - my mum died 10 years ago", and "you haven't been trying that long" (coming from someone who thought trying for 4 months was a lifetime and didn't have anything wrong with them !!!!). Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh . I'm sure you ladies will understand what I'm on about and tell me that I'm not being bang out of order by being pretty annoyed with her comments.

Anyway, moving on . Does anyone know how long I have to wait for the FSH results ? If I had a brain I'd have asked .

Hope everyone is OK 

Love Jo


----------



## hbrodie

poo, my livebox updated as I posted and it got lost   t'was a long one !!!

jo -     to your mean insensitive friend. it always amazes me how flippant people are about the miracel of conception and pregnancy   and I feel compelled to tell them about how lucky they are at times  
I would ring your gp in 48hours after the test for the results. Officially we tell patients to wait 5-7 days unless we ring them 1st as that is when the labs send the results through on the computer system but in fact they normally have the results ready 24-48 hours after they receive it on their systems


----------



## missyb

hi guys just a quickie from me as we are going to watch a movie in a tick...

hi jobo..... mate i want to slap your friend!!!!! i cant believ that some people are soooo insensitive    i will make a plot by where next-doors cat pees as it would be just!!! tee hee room for ex h and your dh and anyone else if anyone wants to add to the list!!!

hi hbrodie... how are you my lovely?? i like having rose tinted glasses its everyone else who's wrong not us!!! hope you are well sweets

hi skybreeze hope you are ok 


right ladies im off to fall asleep on the sofa (losely translated to watching a movie!)


amanda xx


----------



## mykonos

Hello ladies,

I hope you don't mind me joining in!

i'm a bit of a ludite and haven't got my head round all the abbreviations yet

I just read what Jo said about her friend's comments I could not believe it !! (although people say the most thoughtless things - don't know why it always takes me by surprise!) And does she realise how long adoption takes?!!!!!!(much longer than 4 months anyways!!) Grrrr!! My preggers ,with her 2nd, mate said the other day oh i really hope its not a boy..they're so much work!! (my life! do you know how blessed you are??!!!)

Anyway enough ranting..........I'm Anna I have a 3 year old dd, been ttc 2 years now. Tests done etc found low sperm count so going for icsi . started dr a week and a half ago ..............wierded out by the side effects which are now thankfully calming down.we're doing the tx at kings and got scan on tues. 

love anna x x


----------



## hbrodie

hi anna! welcome hun! good luck with your tx    and I hope the side effects don;t freak you out too much   

amanda - what movie did you watch? dh bought me Bride Wars (girly flick!! yay!) for our anniversary (amongst other things - he is not a tight wad  ) 

all ok here. No af yet. hugely bloated belly, very tired.....am gunna ring gp monday if af not turned up at w/end which is when due


----------



## jobo5572

Well thank you ladies for reassuring me that I'm not horrible for thinking that girl was insensitive  ! It's not the first time she's done it and unfortunately it won't be the last . Perhaps we should all gang up on her and give her a good  !!!

*missyb * - get digging that plot hun . Can't believe you're 11 weeks already . Hope you enjoyed your film.

*mykonos * -  and welcome to the thread . Wishing you the very best of luck for your tx 

*hbrodie * - hope you can get to the bottom of your symptoms hun. Thanks for the advice re: the bt  - I will phone tomorrow.

*ramblingrose * - thinking of you with TDL 

*faithfullyhoping * - hope you had a good break and that you are OK


----------



## jobo5572

Morning ladies

I've just called my consultants secretary and my FSH result was 5.9 which apparently is good  .  Not quite used to good news so am a bit in shock .  Also, DH's last sample results were looked at and he doesn't need re-sampling (shame - I wanted to put him through something at least  ).  So, good news I guess, but still bl00dy unexplained !!!!

The not so good news (isn't that always the case !) is that there could be a long wait for my lap & dye + hysteroscopy as they have a severe shortage of beds.  They could send me to another hospital, but my consultant apparently wants to do the op himself as I am one of his long-standing patients.  I would prefer for him to do it, but part of me just wants to get it over with.  I'm a bit confused about the bed situation as the op would be a day case and last time I had a lap I was just in a side ward thing with 3 other women and we didn't take up the beds for long.  Hey, I'll have the op anywhere.....the corridor, the canteen, wherever !  Just to get it done  .  I asked the sec why I'd been told that I would have to wait 5/6 weeks originally and then by letter a few months and she said that the consultant has no idea of waiting lists  !!  I hate getting my hopes up for nothing.

Anyway, enough of my rambling.  I must get on with some work.

Hope all you ladies are enjoying the sunshine  .  Unfortunately I can only look at it through the office window  

Love Jo x


----------



## ann_of_loxley

May I join?...not that I really want to be here (and hopefully my stay won't be for long). 
My name is Ann - I am 24 and wife to my DH 36.  We live in Gloucestershire with our DS who will be 4 this September! 

The term 'infertility' is hard for me to take in. I am fertile... so whats the deal? I had to explain to my MIL what 'infertility' means and that they tend to use harsher words such as 'barren' for what one would assume 'infertile' meant.  

We have a wonderful DS  - who was conceived in one night (literally). He will be four this September. We have been TTC since end of June last year - so nearly a year now. I have no problem conceiving - they just don't stick around. I have had four miscarriages in a short time since we began TTC...I do not want to add to that.  

So whats the deal? Well - I am pretty sure I have endometriosis. In fact, I always have. From the first time I started my period they have been very painful. I was hospitalised because it was so painful my first period - but they did not know it was my period at the time. They thought it might have been my appendix. I kept fainting because of the pain. They eventually sent me home since it didn't seem like anything life threatening and it was only later that night that I disovered blood and knew I had started my period. I was currnetly living in a foster home at that time with many teenage girls and was just excited to finally be a 'woman'. They were always that painful though even after that - they have also always been very heavy and clotty. I thought I was just one of the unlucky ones. Looking back I am actually disapointd that they never thought it should be checked out though. I was called an overexaggerater as I sat there suffering from hot flashes. I just got used to the pain over time. (so much so that when I did go into labour with my son - I had a section but I got to 6/7cm before that - I could not feel the contractions other than externally with my hand...I had suffered and tolerated pain more than that everytime I had a period!). After having my son they improved for awhile but slowly have gotten worse and worse and back to how my periods used to be. It has not been officially diagnosed yet though (but if its not endo - what the smeg is it?! lol). I have only had blood tests so far which show low testosterone (for a woman) which affects my progesterone levels - which are also low. 

I have tried progesterone cream so far which has greatly improved my periods. They are not as painful or clotty - but are still rather heavy. Despite this, I have still had two miscarriages on the progesterone cream though. What has come out of me during this time has also looked very much like endometrial lining as well (tmi sorry) - so I doubt that, even with the progesterone cream, that the pregnancy would have been able to stick anyhow due to my sucky uterine lining. I don't think it will be as easy as just boosting my progesterone - I need to balance out my other hormones first (low testosterone/exess estrogen/etc) 

I have not had much help from my GP/Doctor. They have been inconsiderate towards me, dismisive and insensitive. These are supposed to be people that can help fix me - but they have left me in a worse emotional state than before! 

My miscarriages have all been early - between 4-6 weeks. But they have been real losses - deaths to me.  

I know I have a son - and I am thankful for that. I have also wondered why he is here - if I have suffered from endo/hormonal imbalances all my life. Well, during my research so far I think I have the answer to that...in fact, I think he is very lucky to be here. He was conceived when I was I was in the Army. I was the only girl there I knew who still had a period despite all the exercise - everyone else lost theirs (and if my understanding is correct about this all, that much exercise can produce too much testosterone which effectly - like PCOS - cause one to not ovulate for awhile = irregular cycles, no periods, etc). Apparently, its a natural way to help boost your testosterone levels (I guess it did this for me!). As my blood tests have shown, they are low. I think being in the Army helped to balance me out for a time. My periods after some time in the Army did become less heavy and less painful - so I think thats a real posibility and why my son was able to stick around when he did. 

I can not do that much exercise though (not now)! - I do exercise. I am a decent weight as well. I eat healthy (very healthy - mostly raw, veggie/veg, no soya, wheat free, etc). I am currently debating whether or not I want to have my endo diagnoses. It seems pretty invasive for something I already am 99.9% sure I have. Who do I need to prove that to? What can they do help as well? I tend to stick with alternative therapies so for now I think that is what I am going to do. I have not tried all I can in that department yet. From here I am going with TCM - I am on herbs and essences to help balance out my hormones. From there I will go with acupuncture and crystal healing. I am telling myself right now that if by next year I still have not coneived or have added to my losses - then I will go the modern medicine route (and even then, we might be going private - I just can not seem to look at my GP/Doctor right now). I don't want a quick fix right now though and I have heard many good things about alternative therapies for endo/hormonal imbalances. I hope I have good luck in that department - I feel pretty positive about it so far! 

This has been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. I have found myself hating myself and my body. I have found myself wanting to hurt myself because of how my body has let me down. I have even found myself resenting my son for his exsistance - wondering why he is here and the others have not suck -and the losses that I have suffered. I want nothing more than to have a baby and give him a brother or sister. I think he deserves that - I think he is ready. I find such comments (as mentioned in previous posts) very ignorant and hurtful - I have received all of these....'You have a son, it will happen in time', 'they were very early miscarriages though', 'maybe you are trying to hard, you should relax a bit', 'was it something you did? - Did you exercise too much, did you pick up your son too much?', 'whats wrong with your body?' and such dismissive comments from my GP/Doctor that basically says secondary infertility doesn't exsist! They make me question and doubt myself - they make me feel bad for feeling so emotional over it all. I never thought this would be my TTC road - but I guess I was naive. 

I had not heard from a friend in a very long time. She popped on MSN the other week just to tell me (so it seems) that she thinks she might be pregnant and that she was sorry (she knows we have been struggling - she was saying sorry to me). So why tell me? She wasn't even for sure, she said she just thought she might be. I had not heard from her for ages and this seemed all she wanted to tell me at the time whilst I was experiencing another miscarriage!  Are people that insensitive? 

Is anyone else here going through TTC with endo - or anything that is similar to what I have been going through?


----------



## hbrodie

jo - great news about your fsh hun   I am sure the nhs has a directive that states you must wait no longer than 6 weeks from pount of consultation to date of operation.....that said, if they are offering you another hospital within that time it may well be that was it   I agree with you it is odd as you'll be a day case so not needing a bed but I was a day case and stayed over night as was ill post op    so maybe they have to ensure they have enough beds for such problems   

glorious weather here, went for a lovely walk (ended up carrying the dog as he is old and I forgot he can't walk like he used to....looked very odd!)


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Just a quickie from me to say thank you all for your lovely posts and to Jobo for posting my news. We had a nice break which was a good distraction from the bfn. Felt horrible coming home last night though as it brought it all back. Feeling better today though, onwards and upwards I guess!!!

Jo - sorry to hear about your ds's op, I really hope you can get it sorted soon. Also the waiting list thing is a real pain, just wondering if you can find out what other consultants could operate if you went to another hospital - if it's a fertility specialist it might be worth considering? 

mykonos - welcome, hope the downregging isn't too bad. Personally I felt much better once I was stimming but not sure if that's normal!! 

Anyway Hi to everyone else, will catch up next week properly

Faithful x


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies !

*faithfullyhoping * - good to have you back hun . I'm glad you had a nice break but I'm sorry that coming home brought it all back for you . Take good care of yourself 

*hbrodie * - between trying to sort out mine and DS's ops I think I'm going a bit more  than normal which is quite disturbing . I hope you get some answers soon to your mystery.... 

*ramblingrose * - hope you have a safe journey home and enjoyed your stay 

*missyb * - how's it going ?

Love to everyone else.

Off to get settled for the BGT final !!

Jo x


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## hbrodie

jo - they soooo deserved to win BGT! their routine was timed to perfection! clever lads  

faithful - so sorry your return home brought back sadness to you. That is the hardest thing about going home after an event like that   

rose - how r u hun?

mykonos - how is the DRing coming along? do u feel any better today?  

amanda - how r u? 

still no af....huge belly, looks about 16 weeks pg!   wondering what on earth is going on tbh


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## missyb

hi ladies!

hope everyone is good and enjoying the gorgeous sunshine!

hi jobo... fab news about your results hun... im a bit of a bimbo where the tests etc are concerned but im soooo glad that you've had some good news for a change. im working away on the plot love so we will be ready for operation rubbish disposal soon!  

hi hbrodie... how are you hun? i wonder what is going on with your body  i still cant believe that you are so upbeat after what you've been thru hun and i totally take my hat off to you (and then you'd see my frizzy mop!!) as for the movie... well i have a confession to make... i fell asleep on the sofa and didnt even watch the opening credits!!!! ive been doing that alot lately and i feel so sorry for dp as im no company whatsoever!!!

welcome mykonos! look forward to getting to know you better over the coming months. the girls on here are fab ! you get used to the abbreviations and it all makes sense...      for your treatment.


as for me not much change.... i am counting down the days till i reach the 12 week milestone... i know that it doesnt mean im home and dry but it gives me something to aim for. i have my next scan on 12th june... 


just wanted to say yay!!! to lainey after the sexing scan.... hi to pand and susie who are gone for now but not forgotten   


right im off to check diaries and things.


huge hugs    


Amanda xx


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## hbrodie

hi all

amanda - fuzzy hair, you wanna see mine tonight!   great weather for getting a scan but boy oh boy, bad for my hair   

af started today, during church, thank goodness I was prepared as I was wearing a white skirt and that could have been disastrous    so I am feeling a tad cheerier as I know once and for all I am def not pg still. that sounds mad to say but I just needed to know one way or the other. Obviously I wanted it to be the other optio - still pg - but now I can def move on and stop crying again   I desperately wan to be pg, we all know that feeling I know


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hbrodie- sorry the   has turned up    I think it's so final when it actually happens. Hope it helps you to move on though.

missyb - I think it's only natural to hang on to the 12 weeks thing. When are you 12 weeks? Perhaps you'll start feeling a bit better then too.

Jobo- forgot to say good news re FSH, I guess that means you've got time on your side.  I haven't had mine done for a couple of years, consultant didn't think it was necessary!!!! 

Must go and get on

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

*faithfullyhoping * - how are you doing hun ? I hope you're OK 

*hbrodie * - I am so sorry that the old witch turned up  - I know that you knew deep down that she was on her way but it must've been so hard for you to be wondering "what if" about squiggle . I hope that keeping up your diary is helping 

*missyb * - is that hole dug yet ? And you are sooooooooooo close to being 12 weeks . What a milestone !!

*ramblingrose * - hi hun . I'm counting down the days !!! Hope all goes well with the bank 

*mykonos * - how is your tx going ?


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!  

ive been peaking but never quite having the time to sit down and say hi... i think it's coz if im not sleeping im eatig (yes an attractive picture im painting).

hi ffh... just wanted to give you a   and say sorry for not saying hi before... it wasnt intentional.. youre one of the golden girls and id never miss you on purpose xx

hi jobo... been busy in the garden hun so im ready when you are!!!!   ready to bury the dark lord and his followers!!! ha ha ha (getting slightly carried away) any news on your lap etc? how is ds??

hi hbrodie... i have got some serious frizz at the moment as ive been swimming quite alot... you have to go some to beat me in the frizz dept! sorry that the witch turned up but hope that it gives you an answer... miracles can happen again for you my love.

as for me.... well yesterday i went to the epu as i'd been getting bad pains in the night and am... no bleeding though but i'd started to worry as it was so painful...anyway, they asked me to go along and get scanned.. well jellybean all ok and my dates are bang on what they were so im 12 weeks today   although i know that things can go wrong at any time... but i feel a bit more at ease... i hope you dont mind me updating you re jellybean.


right ladies id better go and get dressed!!!


Amanda xx


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## jobo5572

*missyb * - get dressed you lazy tart . Just wanted to give you some                   for your  hun now you've reached the 12 week milestone. Please keep us posted on you and jellybean - I will  otherwise.


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## Skybreeze

Missy.... Congratz on being 12 weeks hun!!

Take care and love to everyone
Natalie xxx


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## hbrodie

to missyb!!!! I certainly don;t mind you posting her hun about jellybean  

how is everyone?

jo - an y date for your op yet hun?

all ok here, I think   , friends seem to be getting pg all around me again   why is that? there seems to be a surge of pgs every so often, or is it that I am just more sensitive to it?


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## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - hi hun. I think we're all over-sensitive to pg women whilst going through IF/SIF, and you will be rightly-so more sensitive right now due to the recent loss of Squiggle  . It's never easy, and they seem to be everywhere, even tho' they're probably not. I've just found out about 3 pg ladies at work this week . I expect that I'll still be sitting around in this position when they deliver their babies too in months to come . I think I need to find out which seat they've been sitting on . Anyway, no date for my op yet . Just want it over and done with.

Hello all you other lovely ladies......must go and catch up with the weirdos on BB !!!


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## hbrodie

slightly embarrassed to admit this......when one of my colleagues became pg, she went for a wee and I saw her come out and nipped in that toilet she had just come out of!   the things we do!


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## jobo5572

Oh hbrodie hun, that tickled me  .  The things we do eh  ?!


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## hbrodie

oh yes, I did the most bizzare things! once I even ducked out of work in my lunch break, drove like the clappers to get home, demanded dh took me to bed and we DTD   as my temp spiked at work that morning and I was mid-cycle, we DTD, I drove madly back to work and got on with the day (we were unsuccessful that month too   ) but it takes 20min to get home then 20min back again and I only have an hour lunch....had 20min to DTD plus allowing for finding a parking space at work when I got back AND I left work about 10min late at lunch as clinic was running late so we literally had a very very quick quickie!


----------



## cinders35

Hello all,
Just popped in for a quicky   catch up!
I miss you guys!!!
You newbies prob thinking who the h**l is she! I'm an oldie  
I am ever so busy, as I hope you will all be some time soon. DS keeping me running around and cream crackered! Worth it obviously  .

Pand, not sure if you still read this...but    .

Lainey, lovely news from scan   

Missyb, glad you have reached 12 weeks, but if you are like me you still won't believe it when he/she is born!  

Faithful    

Jobo, I'm sorry you have to wait for lap&dye, but I have high hopes for you after that. It certainly made a difference I believe for me. Ask them to do a hysteroscopy, and d&C while their at it, as I think a d&c can help and they might aswell have a look up there while their at it!
BTW, when the say they haven't got enough beds- they still class day care beds as beds too. So there must be a big list of people waiting for gynae day care procedures with your consultant. Pants  . But maybe it means he is as good as you think if all those ladies want them to sort out their lady parts too. 

Susie, don't think you'll read this. But I'm glad you are moving on and you and family enjoying your gorgeous doggy  .

Wishing all of your dreams come true guys. Ofcourse now that I am out the other end of my nightmare, I know that ds was more than worth the wait. But that's just it, you just never know whether you are going to be one of the lucky ones do you? We'd all wait quite patiently if we knew it was just a matter of time, but some of us get lucky, and some don't. There seems to be no rhyme or reason, and personally I think sitting on the loo seat after the pg lady was only sensible. Why miss an oppurtunity like that? What have you got to loose?!
I'd love to sit here and say keep trying ladies, it'll happen. But I can't, because I don't know for sure that it will for all of you. But I hope with all my heart that it does. For each and everyone    .
Sorry this is a bit muddled up.
Anyway, better go,
Really miss you, and think of you often.
Lotsaluv
Cindersxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## hbrodie

cinders - that is just what I thought, why miss an opportunity like that and not got anything to lose


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*Cinders * - how lovely to hear from you . I bet the little chap is getting big now. Hope you're all well 

*hbrodie * - have you any more admissions to make 

*faithfullyhoping * - I hope you're OK hun 

*ramblingrose * - just have a little patience   

*missyb * - can I have directions to the plot please ?

Ah well, I guess summer's over then ?! What bl00dy awful weather. Fits my mood I guess !

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## Pand

Thanks Cinders!   to you too. xxxx


----------



## ramblingrose

Well howdy, ladies. thought I'd better show my face as I've been AWOL for a wee while.

First of all, Cinders, what a lovely message, and how thoughtful of you to pop in and post it. You are so right - if we knew it'd work then we'd all feel that much more positive - it's the not knowing if that's the real  humdinger, isn't it? Especially when the odds are against you in one way or another. Thanks for your words of positivity - you're a great reminder that good things do happen sometimes  

Hope everyone else is doing ok; missy congrats on reaching 12 weeks, and Jo, hope you get some news about your appt soon hun. At least there are things on the horizon to look forward to  

Been a funny week or two for me. 2 friends that have had fertility problems have had their babies, and I am over the moon for them. Going to see one of them tomorrow, and just hoping I won't show myself up and cry or something! I've been very good at keeping the little demons out of my head, but they do creep in at times, and had an iffy couple of days this weekend, feeling very flat really, but I'm still ticking along ok, wishing the sunshine would come back, literally and metaphorically (thought I'd throw in some big words being as it's Sunday    )

Contacting the hospital tomorrow to try and get the next stage sorted, which will repeats of tests etc.. Still not telling most of the family, for a few reasons, and just trying to work out in my head how to keep it quiet as long as possible. Usually I'm like an open book, and will talk about anything, but this is something I very much want to control myself without outside interference, if anyone knows what I mean.  I knind of feel I will be able to keep myself focussed better if other people (ie the inlaws and my mother!) aren't sticking their noses in and adding to my stress levels.

Still not had any joy workwise, and had a slightly humiliating experience on Friday at my old workplace, but just trying to let it go over my head a bit. I did have a good cry yesterday to clear myself out a bit (!) Maybe it's for the best that I can focus 100% on everything else. I'm also thinking of going for some acupuncture while I'm having tx; has anyone else done this?

Right, better go and get myself ready for The Apprentice  

Love to you all.

xx


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - hi hun . Good luck for the baby visit tomorrow - you've done really well considering that there've been 2 births recently but I know it's always different when it's from people that have had fertility problems themselves too. I hope you get things sorted with the hospital. I don't blame you for trying to keep your tx from most people - it is a very personal and emotional process to go through and you just don't need the added pressure whilst you're trying to focus. I did exactly the same and hardly told a soul (except for people on here), especially those that I knew would stress me out (such as my mother ) but did come clean to friends and family when it all went pear-shaped as I was in such a state and no amount of trying could disguise the fact that I was a mess . Sorry to hear your visit on Friday didn't go too well - you'll have to fill me in. I'm sorry I have no experience of acupuncture but I'm sure someone on here will have. Being married to DH though I am used to small pricks  (oh I'm so awful ). Anyway hun, take good care of yourself. Hope it goes OK tomorrow - if emotions take the better of you then that is fine and I'm sure your friend will understand - if she doesn't you know where we are as we'll understand. Oh, and thanks for that article from sunny sunders


----------



## hbrodie

hi all

jo - nope, no more admissions of dodgy doings  

rose - hi hun.   for your embarrassing work thing   and also, if you cry at the baby then  that is fine sweetie. I am sure your friends will understand and I cry at babies all the time, even before IF issues   I am a bit of a numpty and very emotional   and babies are just so gorgeous they make me cry   but I know your friends (if they know about sif??) will understand and not think you are a numpty    I hope it goes well sweetie.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

sorry not been on much last couple of weeks - just been getting on with stuff I guess. Got follow up appointment on thurs with consultant. Feel a bit nervous about it in case he says that IVF is unlikely to work for me - not what the embriologist and the nurse said, but you know how these things go around our heads!!!

Cinders - lovely to hear from you, your post was so lovely and so true. If only we knew what was ahead for us we might be a lot calmer about life. Glad you're enjoying your little DS

Pand - Hi, thanks for your lovely text the other week. Hope you're ok.

ramblingrose - I've had acupuncture for the last couple of years and had it through my recent ivf treatment. I've found it helpful in keeping me sane, but sadly no bfp for me yet. I think finding a good one that you can talk to is important so try and get some recommendations if you can.

Jo - How are you doing, hope you get your appointment through soon, ditto what cinders said, I really think it could make a difference for you.

hbrodie - hmmm thinking of trying the loo seat one - a couple of friends are pregnant at the moment!!!! Any other suggestions, drinking out of the same cup, using same cutlery?  

missyb - hope you're ok too, can't remember if I've said congrats on getting to 12 weeks already, but if I haven't then Congrats  

Anyway, must go, got loads to do

Faithful x


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## hbrodie

FFH - good luck with your appt hun - think   and I will send some   your way   
I like the idea of sharing cutlery, might try that!


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## jobo5572

Hello ladies

I'm at work...in body but not in spirit...so will have to be quick.

*faithfullyhoping * - good luck for your appointment on Thursday . You had some positive encouragement from the nurse and embryologist so I hope that the consultant says the same. I hope you come out of the appointment with a way forward and what to do next 

*hbrodie * - I've tried the "sitting on the same seat" option which obviously didn't work. I haven't tried the cutlery sharing option either ! Must try harder I guess.

I've had to endure a graphic story of my colleague's sister who gave birth at 2.30 this morning at home in the kitchen . Can think of comfier places ! Much as I am delighted for the lady in question, I'm just not in the mood for birth stories today - on a bit of a downer 

Must get back to work

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Jo - Thanks for the words of encouragement.  
Nothing worse than birth stories, you've every right to feel    Hope tomorrow is better for you  

FFH


----------



## hbrodie

jo - I agree with FFH hun, you have every right in the world to feel   at birth stories  
I am dreading going back to work - many reasons actually but one of them  is because I do the baby immunisations and see all the newborns in the w/room and hear all about the birth stories of all the mums I see whilst I am jabbing their LOs   I smile and get on with it but it still makes me


----------



## faithfullyhoping

That must be so hard for you hun. Guess you just have to stay positive and think about when you'll be taking your little newborn for jabs  

FFH x


----------



## hbrodie

it is gunna  be a new experience for me altogether I think as now I have emily I know how it feels to be the mum holding the precious baby being jabbed   - yes, I cried   each time   and she has her hib/menc jab in less than 2mth! - but also I have SIF rather than IF (well, dh does thus I do too   ) so I still have to battle with the IF issues as well as the maternal issues of not actually wanting to hurt the wee bubbas in front of me even though it is for their own good cos I will be remembering my wee LO at her jabs


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - I don't envy you at all having to jab the LOs and being surrounded by babiess, nor do I envy you having to return to work after maternity leave as I still remember how awful I felt leaving DS at nursery when I had to return to work after 12 months off. That's a double toughie for you hun . Just remember that you are doing it for their own good as without the jabs the consequences could be much much worse than a little pain for a little while. I remember  my eyes out at DS's first jab, and so I made DH come to subsequent appointments and hold him whilst he had his jabs and then I cuddled him afterwards - "nasty Daddly doing that to you" stylie . Don't get me wrong, there are some people that I'd gladly jab (my evil streak ) but I couldn't do it to a LO. Are you able to have a "phased-return" to work or are you straight back into it ? And thanks for your kind words re: birth stories 

*faithfullyhoping * - thanks to you too for your kind words about birth stories . In all fairness to my colleague, she is blissfully unaware of my SIF, and was so excited about her sister and her new baby and wanted to tell someone so I just let her babble on. In any case, it's not that I don't want to hear people's stories (what kind of person would that make me ?), it's just I find it hard, and harder some days than others. Hope you're doing OK 

I had to go to the GP yesterday for some more happy pills. I keep saying I want to come off them but keep getting advised not to, as I still have pretty bad days. I just want to be medication free for ttc - mind you, after 3.5 years of no luck, I don't know why I'm even remotely bothered about that. I remember refusing to take medication about 3 years ago for labyrinthitis (awful inner ear infection with vertigo-like feeling) as it said not to take the medication if pg or trying for a baby. What a bl00dy fool. I could've taken them after all to make me feel better. Anyway, the doc had received notification from my consultant about going for the lap etc., and apparently he'd also put in the letter that he was "extremely surprised" that I hadn't responded very well to tx last year as my hormone levels indicate that I should've done . Huh ? Stupid body . As I was leaving the doc said something along the lines of "next time you come for your repeat prescription, who knows, you may be pg". Mmmm, yeah right love . I know she meant well but I didn't need it !

Anyway, I must get on with some work. My mind is just not on it though but if I don't pull my socks up I will be getting a battering from the boss.

Hope you're all OK 

Jo x


----------



## ramblingrose

Hi all,

Very quick post as I have a very dodgy internet connection and it could go at any time, and that'll be it then for hours!

Jo - grrrrrrrrrrr   for tactless doctors.  hbrodie - don't envy the going back to work after maternity at all, hun. Especially doing what you do, it must be hard  

And will everyone please stop talking about jabs because I've just got over my stresses in that department and feel they are on their way back.................!     

FFH - good luck for your appt, hun.

My baby visit went well yesterday. He is tiny!!!! I never saw DS that small anyway (little fella yesterday was exactly 7lbs; whereas DS was 9lbs 7 when he was born!! LOL). My friend waited a long time for him (her DD is same age as my DS) and knows about our situation, so i didn't feel I had to hold anything in, and thankfully I was having an ok day yesterday.

I currently have a very cheeky (if that's the right word) 8 1/2 year old to deal with; DS' latest gem was, during a bit of a row (ie him not doing what he was asked) he came out with 'Well, in any case, mum, no man wants to have sex with you."



There's no answer to that really, is there?

Oh the joys!


----------



## hbrodie

rose - OMG! cheeky chappy or what   but also   at that comment - remind him he said that when he is a teen or young adult, he'll cringe!   Glad the baby visit went ok hun. I look at newborns now and think OMG how tiny! but in fact they are often bigger than emily was (6lb 3) and they look so small, emily must have been titchy!

jo -   tactless gp  

well, I popped into work this morning to sort my shifts out, I start - as planned - thur 2nd july. Thur and fri each week. 0830-1700 with 30min lunch break. Everyone was very cheerful and asking when I was coming back and how did I feel.....I was honest and glumly told them the date I return to work and then rolled my eyes saying I don;t wanna!


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * -  to DS !!! I hope you washed his mouth out with soap ! Cheeky chap. Sorry, I will not mention those little harmless thingies again 

*hbrodie * - 2 days a week - what bliss ! I have to do 5 . Bring on that lottery win


----------



## hbrodie

I know I am very lucky indeed and I know if I had to do 5 days a week I would really struggle   so I do feel 4 u having to work 5 a week. I used to do 5 days a week pre mat leave   and hated every day


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ooh we have been chatty today, it's so nice to log on and have lots to catch up with  

ramblingrose- v funny what your ds said - he's not even a teenager yet    

hbrodie - didn't realise you'd got a date to go back to work, once you're there you'll probably enjoy having something to focus on. It is hard leaving  your baby at first but it's nice to have a bit of time back to yourself too - or perhaps that was just me being a bad mother!!!

Jo - positive that GP has received notification from your consultant. To be honest, I'm sure working 5 days must be tough but from an IF point of view at least you're not at home moping about not being able to get pregnant, I think too much time on your own isn't good with infertility.

Must fly got to pick up dd from ballet

FFH x


----------



## jobo5572

*faithfullyhoping * - you're not a bad mother !! I absolutely hated it when I went back to work, but after a while I could see that a break from DS was good for me as well as him as he gained so much independence. At first I had to go back 4 days a week but after a few months of him starting school last September I am back full time . Don't like it one bit, but finances dictate this . Still, at least the full time pay will come in handy when I'm next on maternity leave (she says laughing hysterically ). I know what you mean about not being at home moping about infertility - I do it at work instead !!!! I can't help it - it's not very often that I get so caught up in work that I forget about SIF unfortunately, but it's good in theory 

*hbrodie * - I'm sure your 2 days working will work out just fine, and you'll have 5 other days to spend with little Emily 

*ramblingrose * - any more pearlers from DS ?!

Right, off out to fat club now 

Love to all xxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Jo - by the way, I didn't have time to say previously but am talking from personal experience about the moping around house thing - I've only done supply work since had dd so often have periods of time when not working - it's really not good for me!!!


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## jobo5572

*faithfullyhoping * - hun, you are more than welcome to come and take over from me at work whenever you are free . Joking apart, I know exactly what you mean . I spend a lot of evenings/weekends on my own (with DH working) and it does make the SIF part of my brain go into overdrive somewhat. I also find my mind wandering at work too - far too often in fact - bad girl


----------



## hbrodie

hi all
how is everyone?


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi hbrodie - I'm fine thanks, how are you?

got follow up with consultant later, half looking forward to it, half dreading it!!!  Nuts I know hope he's only got good things to say!!!!


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## hbrodie

FFH - later as in today hun? how did it go??


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Just a quickie from me.....

*faithfullyhoping * - how did you get on today hun ? Hope it all went well and you have a way forward 

Hello and  to all the other ladies.

Jo x


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## Skybreeze

Hello ladies

Sorry I havent been around but we lost our baby on Wednesday. We had a scan on Monday and there was no heatbeat. To say I am deverstated is an understantment! But I am back now.

FFH... Hope your follow up went well.
Natalie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## jobo5572

*Skybreeze * - I'm at work so shouldn't be doing this but couldn't read and run. I am so sorry for your loss hun . There aren't any adequate words . Please look after yourself and take your time to come to terms with what's happened    . Life is so cruel.


----------



## ramblingrose

Oh Natalie, how utterly heartbreaking for you. I am so sorry to hear your news.  

Nothing to add to what Jo has already said, really. Thinking of you and look after yourself   Please don't feel like you have to come here if you don't feel up to it; we all totally understand. But of course we are here if you need a friendly ear or some support.  

x


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## hbrodie

natalie sweetheart I am so very sorry to read your news. As rose says, there are no words but I just want to send you a huge   and send you a   because hugs DO help and kisses, well, they r just nice


----------



## whippet

Natalie couldnt read and run just wanted to sa how terribly sorry I am at your sad loss there are no words   

whippet x


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## cinders35

Natalie,
I know we haven't 'met', but just wanted to say I'm so so sorry  .
Love
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Natalie,

I couldn't read your post and not reply.  I am so utterly sorry for what has happened.  I know how painful it is to lose a very much wanted baby at 10 weeks and I know that nothing I say can help you at the moment.  But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  The girls on here are marvellous and will get you through, but if you ever need a shoulder, please feel free to pm me. 

Pand


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## Skybreeze

Ah thanks lovely ladies! I know I am not alone on here! 

Holding up ok, going back to work tomorrow   

Take care and hope your all having a lovely Sunday 
Natalie xxx


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## hbrodie

natalie - how did work go today hun? been thinkin of you  

jobo, pand, rambling rose, FFH, whippet, cinders and everyone else - how r u all?


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Skybreeze - I'm so sorry hun   , I think you're being so brave, hope work was ok today  

Hi everyone else, sorry not been on for a few days, seem to have been a bit busy. Will catch up this week.

Faithful x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi I'm back again!

Skybreeze - hope you're coping in the best way you can we're all thinking of you. Hope you'll forgive me for updating everyone with how I got on at consultant last week, it feels a bit wrong to be carrying on when you're going through so much sadness  

Jobo - how are you? Any news on op yet? How much notice do you get with the nhs? Hope ds is ok, have you made any progress with his op?

hbrodie - how are you? are you getting your head around going back to work? 

missyb, Cinders, Pand, ramblingrose- Hi

Just to update how got on last week with consultant. It was fairly positive I think, he said that everyone he had spoken to re my ivf thought I was just unlucky. He felt that this had given us a diagnosis as out of 9 fertilised eggs only two were any good. Interestingly he said that my egg quality was fine, it was the interaction of the sperm and the eggs that was the issue. So basically as long as I get a couple of good ones again next time then it has a good chance of working. He talked about trying to get more eggs by upping my menopur but as I'd had 16 follicles I would be borderline OHSS risk which would defeat the object! He was going to chat to the nurses about it to see what they thought, he'd like to have more good ones to choose from and take them to blast - but to be honest I really can't see that happening. Anyway, we're planning another attempt for september!  

I feel happy to have the chance to have a go, but on the other hand I feel that I do need luck to be on our side. I kind of get the impression that if I had enough goes that eventually one would stick, afterall we conceived dd so it must be possible, but we've agreed on another 2 goes maximum, we can't go on forever emotionally or financially!!

Take care everyone

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

*Skybreeze * - thinking of you and hoping you're OK 

*faithfullyhoping * - glad your appointment went well with the consultant and you're planning to go for more tx in September. It will be interesting to see if the nurses suggest increasing your Menopur. I know what you mean about having to have luck on your side - that's just it with this whole rollercoaster - it works for some and not others unfortunately. I'm glad you and DH have a plan for more tx. Thanks for updating us on how you got on 

Got to go - at work


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Ladies,

I haven't posted for a few months, and for that I apologise. I can't keep away though as this place still feels like ''home''   

Skybreeze, I know we haven't spoken before but I wanted to say that I'm so sorry and you're a very brave lady from what I've read  

Jobo, Thanks again for your text the other day, really miss talking to you girls on here. What's this about ds having another op? ( I may have misread that post so apologies if I have ) Hope he's ok, he suffered enough last year with the op he had then poor little mite. Hope you've finally got round to burying that dh of yours under the patio  
Here's hoping your op comes through quickly, any news yet?
You take care hun x

MissyB, Hey hun, how's things with you? good I hope. Hope you're looking after yourself x

Cinders, How are you hun? Your pics on fbook are beautiful. Hope you're keeping well x

FFH, Pand, Suzie, Lainey, Ramblingrose, Whippet and all the lovely new ladies that I haven't spoken to as yet, Hi to you all, I will try and pop back soon and post again soon,

Jo xxx


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## ramblingrose

Hi ladies,

Jo1983 - can't believe you are 32 weeks already - how on earth did that happen?    Nice to 'see' you anyway and glad all is well.

Skybreeze, I hope your return to work went ok and you're feeling alright.  

FFH- Glad your appt went well and you have some positive things there to focus on. I think havign a set number of tries is a very good and sensible idea; we are much the same really.

Jobo - Hiya hun. Hope you're ok. Any news at all?

I must be honest and say i'm feeling a bit iffy at the moment. I think the novelty of not working has worn off, and tbh I'm pretty frustrated at lack of progress in any direction, and a bit bored, with DS being at school all day. I just seem to have lost my mojo a bit.

I've got my appt with the arthritis consultant on thursday to discuss my options (or lack of them!) of coming off my meds while we go through tx. Need to write few questions down before I go.

Just feel a bit flat really about it all and wondering if we're doing the right thing, and why it has to be this way. Not had an easy time of it with DS, and Dh is on a bit of a downer. I just feel a bit isolated really with no real friends nearby I can talk to or just go out for a laugh with.

Sorry to be gloomy; it just catches up with you sometimes, eh?


----------



## hbrodie

rose -      

FFH - greart news about your   appointment hun. I like how the cons was asking the nurses their opinion   us nurses know our stuff, see  

jo - congratulations on your pg, I was not here when you would have announced hun so I am delayed in meeting you   good luck sweetie  

skybreeze - how r u hun?

all ok ish here   not much to report, went to work yesterday to order uniforms as my pre mat leave ones are too tight   oops. felt awful cos it is so much more real now. 2 weeks tomorrow I'lkl be there, trapped again.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ramblingrose - sorry you're feeling out of sorts, it's so hard all of this tx stuff and so frustrating that something which should be so natural and easy has to become so clinical. I think it's only natural to wonder if you're doing the right thing. I hope you're appointment with the arthritis consultant goes well tomorrow. I completely empathise with the being at home thing, I don't have much work in the summer just odd days here and there and it gives me way too much time to think about things! I don't suppose you're in the Midlands are you? 

hbrodie - Yes I thought it was funny that he said he was going to ask the nurses - although he is married to one of them so that probably helps in the communication stakes! 

Jo - good to hear from you, hope you're keeping well and getting lots of rest.

Jobo - Hi, how's it going?

Feeling a bit fed up today, am really tired after having to go away with work on sun night, and don't seem to have got a good nights sleep since. Also, seems ages until september and I know that this time I'm going to be worrying about the quality of embies and if any of them are going to be any good. I hate this SIF thing!!! 

Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

sept does seem miles off hun   we r nearly in july...then aug...then it is sept....have you got things to 'look forward' to in july and august? kind of like markers to get to, through and past? I find that helps me pass the time


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Well I've got dd's birthday in a couple of weeks so got to sort that out and also running a church youth camp in the summer holidays so got lots of sorting out for that too. We haven't booked our holiday yet though so maybe that would help!!!


----------



## Skybreeze

Hi ladies

Thanks for your messages again.

I am just about copping, but trying my hardest to not let it beat me. I plan to cycle again in early October as the yerning at the moment is so stong. 

FFH.. Oh hun, dont ever feel you cant post about your appiontments tx.... I love to hear about what people are up to. But thank you so much for thinking of me.      Sounds like everything is positive with your eggs and hopefull you can get some brilliant sprem next time... Does you DH take any vitimins?? My DH took wellman from boots and it seemed to work. Plus you have a good few months before you start again, so give it time to work. Good luck with September!!! Thats going to come round to b;**dy quick!

Take care ladies, I am off to tidy my house as my darling dog dicided to chew a loo roll again!!!   And I need to get dinner started!

Natalie xxxx


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*skybreeze * - hoping you're ok hun 

*faithfullyhoping * - I know September feels like ages away but hopefully if you keep yourself busy over the summer holidays with DD etc., it will come round quicker. It's good that you have a plan in place to have another go and that you'll have given your body a couple of months off before round 2.

*jo1983 * - hey stranger - bet you're dead fat now . Yep, DS needs another op , and the only UK specialist surgeon has retired on us so it's a double blow . No news on my op  and DH is still breathing unfortunately . Keep us posted with what's happening hun.

*ramblingrose * - hope the appointment went well yesterday . I know what you mean about feeling isolated hun, but don't forget we are all here for you. Looking forward to next week 

*hbrodie * - sorry the return to work is looming hun as I remember how horrible that felt 

*missyb * - how're you doing hun ?

I'm afraid I'm on a bit of a downer ladies so I'd stop reading now if I were you. I've just had a really cr6ppy week and just want to curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry and then cry some more. In fact I have cried every evening for the past 3 nights - a mixture of hormones, anger, sadness, despair, upset and general feeling of cr6piness - you know how it is  I expect in the main it was just PMT - got the visit from the old bag  tonight, bang on target (which I know is a good thing in a way as my cycles are regular but I could've done without the *****), but teamed with a birth announcement yesterday of a friend from work who's had a baby girl, a sh1te week at work including an intensive 3 long days training course in the middle of a sh1thole they call Birmingham, my mother up to her usual nasty tricks, my DH being an insensitive 6rse and the usual day to day cr6piness of life where everything goes wrong - I am just feeling exceedingly low . For some reason, I was thinking last week that this month could, just ever so eensy weensy slightly, be my month - what a bl00dy stupid cow . I mean, get a grip. For months/years now I've had the usual aches/pains for the last 2 weeks in my cycle - I normally get AF cramps for pretty much the entire time and delightful PMT - but this month I had no pains and we had done the deed a few times (sorry TMI !) around ovulation time, so I did start to let my mind wander. What a bl00dy fool. I guess it was just my body being exceptionally cruel to me . And why this month of all the others I've missed anyway ?!! Duh. Why should this month be any different ? I think what is also getting me down is that it is DS's birthday at the end of the month and so yet another year of his life has gone by where he is still an only child with not even a glimmer of hope for a sibling on the horizon. He wasn't even 2 when we started to TTC no.2, and here he is about to turn 5. Any small-ish age gap has been blown totally and time is flying by with no progress whatsoever and I feel so out of control with it all. I know some of you ladies on here have DS/DDs who are older than my DS and you may think I'm mad for moaning about him being 5 and an only child - it just makes me so very sad . I really feel I have let him down. Part of me even thought last week that if I was pg, I could've told him for his birthday - OK, so lock me away in a padded cell - but you just can't help your mind wandering can you (or is it just me ?) ?

I am so sorry to moan ladies. I can't talk to anyone else about this as no-one understands. At fat club on Tuesday night for example, the 2 ladies I go with were discussing how "lonely" and "bored" they felt when out and about with their youngest during the day whilst their eldest were at school. Oh, and how "dull" it felt to do things with just one child and how much better it was with 2 (and in one of the cases 3). I (who was entertaining one of their 18 month olds at the time whilst they were too busy gassing) just had to pipe up and said "well some of us don't know any different having only got the one". That soon put an end to the conversation. People just don't understand do they ?

I've also developed a head cold which is really annoying as I'm doing the Race for Life on Sunday and all this snot is going to hamper my olympic-quality performance !!!!! I think part of me is also getting down about that too - the bit where you have to write down who you are running the race for - I've lost too many friends and family to cancer and have been thinking of them all this week with the race looming, especially my friend who died when she was only 29 of breast cancer - she died when I was on my honeymoon so I never got chance to say goodbye properly either, and the anniversary is coming up too.

Bl00dy hell, I'm a barrel of laughs tonight, eh ? I am so so sorry. Please forgive me - I will snap out of it pronto I promise. Bad Jo.

Love to all

Jo


----------



## Skybreeze

Oh Jo, Jo, Jo, Sweetie your not a fool... I cant tell you how many times I thought it was my months whilst ttc. We have tried for what seems like a life time and you would think there wasn't much hope... But I still thought I would be lucky. Trust me there are thosands of ladies like that! And I always think after being on FF there is hope, so don't ever think there isn't. We might be lucky one day, would be lovely if that one day is NOW!!! lol! 

It does make you sad a angry when you hear people being so slap dash about how lucky they are having 2 or three children. You know after losing our baby 10 days ago I have been so despite, its painfull... But its made be realise how lucky I was to be pregnant in the first place, I honestly never thought I would be lucky enough to even have a chance at being a mummy   .  But I was and feel very very blessed to have been pregnant for 10 (short) weeks. Also I am thankful for what I have now, an amazing hubby and great friends... Esp my FF ladies who have been amazing. 

Please if it helps carry on 'moaning' (Sometimes you need to vent!) We are all here for you. Give DS a lovely big hug and know that as long as you have him things will be ok.    

Best of luck with the race for life, your such an amazing person for doing it! I too have lost far to many people to Cancer, and been very fortunate to have both my Nan and granddad well after there cancers. 
Let us know who you get on!

Lots of     


Well ladies I have a wedding today. Not really looking forward to it... But it means I can get dressed up.. Only thing missing is my 12 week bump.     
Oh and I had a spray tan yesterday and look like I have been tango'd!!! Great! Depressed and orange! lol!

Lots of love to all!
Natalie xxxx


----------



## hbrodie

natalie -  I hope the wedding goes ok and it is nottoo much of a sad experience for you, YKWIM hun, I know weddings are appy times but not when you have just had a mc and people are all being nicey nicey and lovey dovey plus the innevitable babies and kids  so I am sending you  & , my tango-friend 

Jo - and to you too     carry on writing that stuff here hun, it is why we r here, to help and support eachother through the tough times and it sounds like u r having a tough ol' time at the mo  

dh is eager to get going again with TTC but I am scared  cos I don't wanna go through the 'what if' each month, only to find af or a BFN again - we all know how that feels, and *JO * - my mind wanders every month too, what if this is the pg month?? dreadful how we let it happen but we do don;t we 

I am slso scared in case we manage another miracle BFP (which I will be amazed at considering we were told emily was such a little miracle sunbeam then to have squiggle....) and we lose it again....I know I shuldn't think like that but I just don;t feel ready. I have told him and he says fine but he really wants to TTC I can tell and he said he didn't want to leave it too long due to his condtition  which I can understand


----------



## ramblingrose

Oh dear; we're all having a hard crappy time of it, it seems  

I haven't got any energy at all today (one of the joyful effects of my arthritis) so sorry if this is short and I miss out any personals. 

Jo, Skybreeze and hbrodie; sending you all one of these   because it sounds like you all need one. Hope your wedding is ok, Natalie; and hope the orange fades a tad so you look less like David Dickinson    I admire you for your positive words after all you have been through this month.

Jo, well what can I say that I've not said already hun. Just hang in there. We all know exactly how you're feeling, and I can certainly identify with feeling you've failed your DS as I have felt exactly the same many times; and yes, as each birthday goes by and any age-gap gets bigger it does affect you. FWIW, Jo, there is 5 years between me and my brother and we get on great, used to play a lot together, and in many ways it is the sort of gap I wanted. I've given up on an ideal age gap now - there is no such thing, and now any age gap would do me.  In fact I admit I see people with only a year or 2 between their children and my first thought is still 'Are they mad?' LOL  Of course in every other way I envy them like mad. As for your mum - well, again, what i can I say that I've not said already??!!!

Hbrodie; don't feel bad about feeling scared - of course that is totally natural. You are bound to feel as you are; but remember this will be a new cycle and nothing that has happened in the past has any bearing on any future cycles.  Your DH being so keen is a huge positive - mine has told me he's rather spend the funds we've sorted on some new windows for the house. No answer to that really, is there?   Anyway, you just go for it when you feel ready, hun, and we will all support you.

As for me, well, I contacted LWH last Tuesday (so about 10 days ago) and still not heard back. I was waiting to see my arthritis consultant first before I chased them up; so am planning on doing that on Monday (lots of other stuff to sort out recently and not enough time or energy to do them all - unfortunately our flooded kitchen had to come first this week    I had a great appt with my arthritis consultant though; he is so lovely and supportive that I almost blubbed while I was in there as I was half expecting him to give me ahard time and say 'what the hell are you even considering coming off your meds for??!'

Got DS' sports day on Monday and the weather is promising to be lovely and Wimbledon starts (Woohoo) so hoping for a good week to come. Not to mention the small matter of meeting Jo on Saturday, just to check she's not really a trucker called Geoff  )

Right, best be off, hope everyone's having a nice weekend.

x


----------



## ramblingrose

Where is everyone?

Feels pretty empty around here lately; and usually after I've posted. Is it something I said?


----------



## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - yes, it's all your fault  !!!! Joking apart, I don't know why it goes quiet on here from time to time but I'm certain it isn't you. How did you get on when you phoned LWH ? And how did you suss out my name was Geoff  ?!!! Damn, that's my cover blown 

*hbrodie * & *skybreeze * - thanks for your lovely words.

I'm feeling better than I did last week - marginally. I jogged (and walked up the hilly bits) the Race for Life on Sunday in 37 minutes, which I was very happy with given that I am useless at exercise and it doesn't fill me with joy to do. The atmosphere was great and I'm so glad I did it. DS's birthday is next week but I am trying to forget about the "lack of sibling" thing and just make his day special, and his party the weekend after. I suppose one advantage of an only child is that you can spoil them rotten and devote all your time and effort to them.

Hope you're all OK ladies

Love to all

Jo x


----------



## hbrodie

rose - gosh, u r so offensive in your posts I just cannot bear to post after you  .....nah hun, nothing to do with you   I seem to lose the thread every so often   odd. Anyway, certainly nothing to do with anything you have posted hunny   how r u?

jo - u r right, you get to spoil DS rotten   how old will he be? r u having his party at your house or elsewhere?

all ok here....ish. AF showed up last night. we DTD this month around about ovulation time but no luck this month. I was in mixed feelings about TTC again so soon but when af arrived last night I found I was ever so tearful again.....really wanna get on with ttc tbh


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

sorry, been busy and tired!!! And Jo I was in the same position as you at the weekend as AF was 5 days late - and even though I knew it was because of IVF and that I'd ovulated late in cycle I still started thinking that just maybe a miracle had happened     We can't help ourselves - I guess it's only natural when we're so focussed on our cycle!!!  Never mind.

Jobo - It's DDs birthday at the weekend too - she's going to be 7 - I can't believe it. But if it's any consolation I don't think about the age gap thing any more as whatever the gap is now it's too big to be a play mate. I want a baby for all of us now rather than just for a play mate for her - if that makes any sense!  And yes having one does mean that you can spoil them rotten - and that's exactly what i'm going to do at the weekend    Well done on the Race for Life, you did really well, it's nice to have something else to focus on for a change.

Rambling - How's it going with treatment - any news? Glad your arthritis consultant was understanding too, did you manage to work something out? Sorry beh en awol for a bit - nothing personal, honest!  How did you get on with Geoff by the way?!! 

hbrodie - Hi hun, sorry AF showed her ugly face for you too! It's rubbish isn't it? It must be really hard to know when to start again after a m/c but maybe just getting on with it is the best way? Are you back at work now or is it next week?

Skybreeze - Hope you're ok and that the wedding was bearable 

Everyone else, Hi, it does seem quite quiet on here recently in comparison to how it used to be it has to be said. But it does make it much easier to keep up to date!!

Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

FFH - hi hun! yes it is quiet!?  
I start work next thur hun. but, I am going in for 1 1/2 hours this fri to do a training session (resuscitation) so I am going to just get the swing of things b4 I go back fully.  How r things with you hun?

skybreeze - yes, how was the wedding hun? was thinkning of you  

rambling - how r u?

how is everyone else? r u all ok?

jo - u ok hun?


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Everything fine with me thanks, trying to keep myself from thinking about things too much as usual!! How about you?
I'm trying to give up alcohol again and start my healthy eating plan again but it's so much harder the 2nd time around as I can't convince myself that it'll work if I'm good!!!!   Must try harder!!


----------



## hbrodie

tell me about it! I have dh on his wellman tablets again, me on all my supplements too, he is not having alcohol..... it makes us feel like we have some sort of control I think, maybe?


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*faithfullyhoping * - so sorry to hear the witch kept you waiting . How cruel.

*hbrodie * - I'm OK hun thanks. Haven't got round to replying to your ** message yet - bad Jo . I've got DH on Wellman too but he is rubbish at taking them which really winds me up as it's the only little thing he has to do - grrrrrr !

*ramblingrose * - looking forward to Saturday !! I'll be there in my truck 

I was chatting to a friend earlier who has 3 kids; the youngest one who is 18 months was an "accident". Her husband went in for the snip yesterday as they "don't want any more children". Oh the luxuries of having an option


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hmmm, must get my DH back on Wellman tablets - he was actually not bad at taking those ones, I think it was because it said something on the box about them being suitable for athletes so he thought they would make him run faster!!! 

I know what you mean about the control thing brodie, the only thing is I've been trying to be good on and off for the past 5 years!!!!

I've just been browsing a few of the other boards - do you ever wonder why you're even bothering? After 5 years why do I think that a bfp is ever going to happen to me? I think maybe I've just missed my chance and that I might have had more children if I'd started trying in my early 20's  

Has anyone thought of adopting? I've been giving it some thought recently but the Social services intrusion really puts me off.

FFH x


----------



## hbrodie

jo - hi hun! I am not much of a ** poster I am affraid anyway, I rarely look TBH   normally I am here every night   addicted or what   I have a friend who is giving it another month of TTC then is sending her DH in for the snip cos she doesn't want to get pg after this month as she will be too old.....she is almost 39....that is not old! anyway, her dh has 4 LOs from previous marriage, in USA, the youngest of them is 18 and his LO with my friend is just 1yr old last mth. her dh doesn't want any more if they can't get pg this mth either as he has just turned 50. It makes you think about things when you hear people talk like that....personally we r gunna keep TTC well into our 40s because if it happens then then it will be as much of a wonderful thing as if it happened now. I think when you want something sooooooo much you just see things differently to others. It is dreadful when you know of people who just have tpo get DH to sneeze at them and they fall pg...oh how wonderful that would be. I truly think that people really have NO concept of how much of an amazing miracle getting pg is and how much they take it for granted is just bizzare   I know if they have not been in a TTC situation (IF and TX) then they won;t really give 2 thoughts to it but still, I think people have no idea   

faithful - we looked into adoption as an option when DH 1st got diagnosed....we were put off by the bloke talking to us TBH. It all seems to 'birth parents rights' orientated. and I felt like I was going to be inspected like a criminal for about 6-9mth then aferwards being checked up on....it is a good thing, it needs to be 'policed' I suppose but it just seemed brutal   but I think at the time we had not even looked into tx and I think it would definately be an option for us in the future   as we would be ready for it then, we just weren't at that time


----------



## hbrodie

I popped into work today for resuscitation training. was ok. Felt like crying when I was there though and I full on felt my heart pounding in my chest and I felt really breathless....I hope I am not developing panic attacks!   really felt unwell. 

The lady training us was about 19weeks pg, she said she was going to find out the sex of her baby next week (so I guess about 19 weeks   ) cos she wanted to know as she didn't go in for all this surprise at the birth. when she had her 1st baby 6 yr ago she said "they could have handed me a dog for all I cared and I told them to give IT to my husband, I was past caring by then"   and then went on to say she wanted a C-section as she " couldn't be doing with all that pushing" I was already upset at being there anyway, but this made me so   and also   that she could be so flippant! I really felt like having a go and telling her how bl00dy lucky she is to be pg and that she should actually realise just how blessed she is! but decided not to do that as I'd end up looking like a prize A tw4t


----------



## Jooles68

Hello, I wondered if I could join you?

I am trying to conceive no 2, and after reading through your posts, I realise I have the same thoughts & feelings.  

I had IVF last year with my own eggs but I have decided to go abroad for donor eggs (due to my age & I only want to try once more).  I have started the process but after having a hysteroscopy abroad, it has changed my position.  The op showed that I had lots of polyps covering my uterus, which would stop me conceiving & any IVF treatment would have failed. I feel I have wasted so much time & had to go to Greece to get this info.  So with my cleaned up uterus, I am now trying natural for a few months. If I do manage to conceive, there will be an 11 year age gap!  How did that happen? I sometimes feel 'what am I doing?' but I really want to complete my family.  I know my daughter is happy but she would really love a sibling & it breaks my heart when she writes about her family and always includes the cat!  When I first started trying it was very much if it happens great but I wasn't worried if it didn't.  Now with time running out, I can think of nothing else.

Anyway that's a bit about me.

Jooles


----------



## hbrodie

Hi Jooles. I am sorry you had to go all the way to flippin Greece for them to find out what was wrong. Yet again   NHS!!! I am sending you   for TTC naturally hun. Really hoping it works 4 u. R U having any reflexology or anything to help?


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

it's been a while and so i have spent some time just catching up on the posts... im so sorry that you are having such a pants time of it of late. i just wanted to say dont lose faith as i know from personal experience that miracles do happen.

as for me im 15+3 weeks and still cant believe im pg. i have had no ms or anything really that indicates im pregant other than im huge... the next person who says to me are you sure it's just one is going to get a slap! 

hi jobo... how are you doing love? well done on the race for life i know its hard when you've lost so many people to cancer but you did a great thing hun... how is dh? the plot is there hun.

hi hbrodie... how are you hun? 

hi ffh... fingers and vital organs crossed for you in sept.

hi jooles welcome! the girls on here are fab and a life/sanity saver.

hi skybreeze... thinking of you  

hi..rr... hope that you are well sweets.


right i better go and get dressed as this house isnt going to tidy itself (ive tried watching and waiting to see if it does but it doesnt)


hope that you are all enjoying the weekend.


Amanda X


----------



## hbrodie

amanda - u r right, the house won't tidy itself and I too have tried the watch and wait game   can't believe time has flown by so quickly 4 u! mind you, when I was pg people said that to me but in fact I found that it went slowly   I suppose the worry every day that 'is everything ok' makes things drag...I loved being pg and was actually glad it dragged  

how is everyone else?


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## faithfullyhoping

Morning All

Just a quickie as my house isn't tidying itself either!!!

Jooles - welcome to our thread. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for a diagnosis, I really hope it happens for you now. Look forward to chattin more with you.

hbrodie - can't believe that woman - what timing as well when you're just going back to work. I can't believe people can say such insensitive things.Hope it's not too awfulfor you going back to work this week. Am thinking of you  

Missyb - Glad you're keeping well. Personally I hated being pregnant due to constant Morning sickness for the whole 9 months, sometimes I wonder why I want to put myself through that again. Glad you're ok, keep posting, we like to know how you are getting on  

Jobo - Hope you're ok and ds's birthday goes / went well - can't remember if was this weekend or next weekend.

Skybreeze - hope you're ok

It was my dd's birthday yesterday 7 years old - can't believe it. Felt a bit sad on saturday as she's growing up so fast, but she had such a great time that I soon felt better about things.

Must go

Faithful x


----------



## Jooles68

Hi all, thanks for the welcome.

hbrodie - good luck for going back to work this week.

faithfullyhoping - yes doesn't time go quick, I can't believe my daughter is going to be 11 this year.  

I have decided I need a plan, I am possibly only going to try and conceive up to the end of the year, I think i then need to put closure on the whole thing.  My daughter really wants a sibling & I know she wants me to keep trying but I really need to get a full time job or go back to college. I need something for me.  Would love to do a course, which was the plan until the recession hit, but now I need the money.  So I am in a bit of a quandary.  I am applying for jobs a the mo, just to test the water. If i did the course it wouldn't matter if I got pregnant, but i would hate to start a job & then let them down.

Julie


----------



## hbrodie

fathful - hi hun. did dd have a party? was it a good 'un? I love parties   I too has MS but only 21 weeks of it....mind you that was long enuf! and when I was pg with squiggle - even though not for long - I felt sick too. I think I am sicky person   all worth it though. I think we'd both be as sick as dogs if it meant we could have a bubba again    

jo - how r u hun?

jooles - I think doing something for you is a good idea hun - good luck with getting the info you need and want sweetie     My step DD kept on and on about wanting a sibling, this was before we knew about IF and throughout ttc and even throughout tests etc -but I ended up sitting down with her (she was also 7) to explain in simple terms that sometimes people just can't have babies easily and it may take a long time or it may just never happen   and she kinda backed off after that which gave me the breathing space I needed.


----------



## jobo5572

Well hello ladies

Hope everyone is well and not too hot . Have been hearing all about pg women who are getting too hot in this weather, and all I can say is HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!! Oh I'm so evil. I don't mean it really 

*jooles68 * -  and welcome to the thread ! I think your idea of a plan is a good one. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

*hbrodie * - will be thinking of you this week going back to work 

*faithfullyhoping * - glad to hear DD had a good birthday. It's DS's birthday tomorrow and I am quite sad about it still as I can't believe he will be 5 years old and I've spent the last 3.5 years of that TTC with nothing to show for it except insanity . Poor little man - I hope my miserableness over SIF/TTC has not affected him. Anyway, I plan to make his birthday super special (as always !) and then his party on Saturday a party to remember. I am so lucky to have him and I love him to bits.

*missyb * - hope the weather isn't making you feel too poo hun 

*ramblingrose * - smashing to meet you hun . Now we really must stop squabbling over who's having who . They're all mine, OK ?! Hope your bloods come back OK 

I met up with ramblingrose at the weekend who is actually Jeffrey, a hairy biker . She's not really - she is lovely and we had a great time - much helped by the fact that we went to see Take That !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FWOARGH is all I can say - and that is for the boys, not ramblingrose (sorry hun ). Honestly, they relit my fire I can tell you. Cor ! And never mind it only taking a minute - take as long or as short as you like boys . Oh deary me - what has happened to me ?! I definitely need a divorce so that I can run off with Gary or Jason (or preferably both !). In fact, stuff waiting around for the divorce, lets just get on with it !! I'm sure they'd be up for it - they just haven't met me yet  . Honestly, I've just been all of a dither ever since I saw them. I really should get a grip and come back down to earth. A girl can dream though, eh ?

On that note, I am off to bed to hopefully have a very steamy dream about the boys.

I promise the usual miserable Jo will be back before long. Sorry ladies.......I don't know what's come over me 

Love to all

Jo


----------



## ramblingrose

LOL Jo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was fab to meet you, and especially in the circumstances. Obviously you are joking about Gary as you very well know that he's all MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     You forgot to tell everyone that we nearly drowned in the rain!!!!  Anyway hun, would be great to meet up again at some point now that  we have shared such an experience as well as the more horrible stuff in life.  Hope your DS has a lovely birthday today too.  

Funny you should say that about pregnant women in the heat - I was just behind one in the queue at Morrisons and she came out with the gem that she'd forgotten how horrible it all was and if she'd remembered she might not have bothered.    Still, I console myself with the fact that I was in her shoes once and it was bloody awful, and if I was pg now I'd be moaning as well  

Hi and welcome to Jooles - you're in good company here hun, everyone is lovely and we all know how we're all feeling. Good luck to you on your journey.

Hi Missy - nice to 'see' you; hope you're not too hot and bothered    - wasn't you moaning in front of me today was it??  

hbrodie- hope work goes ok this week.  

ffh - belated happy birthday to your dd and hope you're ok.  

I feel ok (apart from wanting to have a divorce and run off with Gary Barlow). Trying to enjoy not being at work and the weather being nice. Nothing much else to report really. I am obsessing a lot about TT, like Jo, which is more enjoyable than obsessing over SIF    Loving watching Wimbledon although Andy Murray gave me too much stress last night!!!!

Take care ladies,

xxx


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## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - in a cheesy "Four Weddings and a Funeral" stylie, "was it raining ? I didn't notice"      

Yes girls, we got absolutely bl00dy soaked but it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it. And the sexy rain ponchos we were sporting just made us even more gorgeous than we are already . How could the boys resist us ?


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## ramblingrose

jobo5572 said:


> *ramblingrose * - in a cheesy "Four Weddings and a Funeral" stylie, "was it raining ? I didn't notice"












Hope you like my new avi 

It's far too hot here. I think I will join all the pg women moaning - I broke up a sweat just going upstairs (so I will sit on my @rse for the rest of the day  )


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## hbrodie

rambling and jobo - you two sound like a) you really hit it off and b) you had a fabulous time = both wonderful news!!! and yes, loving your new avatar rambling   

pg ladies and their moaning - it is a right ol' pain innit   but I do remember my feet swelling HUGELY this time last year in the hot waether and I had to wear my mums (less than flattering) sandals = I whinged about that


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## jobo5572

*ramblingrose * - how dare you put a photo of my hubby-to-be as your avatar   

*hbrodie * - yes we got on very well. We found out that we share the same mother, same current DH and same DH-to-be !!!!!!!

Well, it is now officially 5 years since I was pg , as DS turned 5 at 6.47pm today. I do remember how horrendous it felt to be pg during a hot summer but I would do anything to be in that position again .


----------



## hbrodie

jobo - aw hun


----------



## pygmy1971

I'm new'ish to FF and after reading your posts, some reduced me to tears and others had me in stitches, i now feel a lot lighter...... emotionally........   not on the weighing scales!!

My rollercoaster was getting seriously out of control before i found FF, and now with just a few word of advice from some remarkable ladies, me and DP have managed to have a mega heart to heart and make firm decisions of where we go from here.

SSR will be planned a.s.a.p. and then i will be hopping aboard the tx treadmill.
We are just going to have to do a major finances overhaul, don't know how, but where there's a will, there's a way  

Ketchup with you all soon,

Vicki       wishing you all positive vibes and lots of hugs too!


----------



## ramblingrose

jobo5572 said:


> *ramblingrose * - how dare you put a photo of my hubby-to-be as your avatar
> 
> *hbrodie * - yes we got on very well. We found out that we share the same mother, same current DH and same DH-to-be !!!!!!!
> 
> Well, it is now officially 5 years since I was pg , as DS turned 5 at 6.47pm today. I do remember how horrendous it felt to be pg during a hot summer but I would do anything to be in that position again .


I know hun  It's hard. 9 years for me. In fact it'll be 10 years at Xmas that I conceived. That does depress me quite a bit but I just try not to think about it too much. Hope your DS had a nice day yesterday, and enjoys his party this weekend. I had a comedy moment with mine yesterday as we went to the beach and he decided to run in with all his clothes on  (obviously depsite me yelling like a fishwife not to go all the way in) and as I didn't have a towel of change of clothes with me (was an impromptu visit) and he was sopping wet, he stripped completely off and I drove home with him in the passenger seat completely starkers  (well, apart from his Crocs!!) He thought this was hilarious until we got home and he realised he'd have to get out and walk into the house like that!!!!! LOL After come careful car-door work we managed to get him in without shocking the neighbours!!!!!!

I'm still on a downer after TT - if it wasn't your DS' party at the weekend Jo I'd be trying to persuade you to go again 

Pygymy - hello and welcome. Good locuk on your journey and we are all here for support.

Hello to everyone else. Hope it's not as hot and sticky as it is here - I hardly slept a wink last night.


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## Skybreeze

Just checking ladies, my god your chatty!     

How are we all? 

Loving peoples new piccy's in the avatar! Gary Barlow, scrummy or what! 

Welcome to pygmy1971! Good luck with the SSR!

Love to you all
Natalie xxx


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## hbrodie

pygmy - what is SSR hun? good luck wioth your Tx plan     I too have found that FF has helped me sooooo incredibly much  

skybreaze - how r u ?

jobo - how u doin?

rose - and you? you ok?

am ok ish. back to work tomorrow


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## Skybreeze

Hbrodie.. Not doing to bad, I have my moments.... Have cried every day since it happened, and think I will do for a long time to come yet. Unfortunatly you know what I am talking about.... Do you find that *everywhere* you go there is *always* a pregnant women, just waiting to rub your face in it?!  I do and end up in a bad mood!! Any plans on trying again?? We are booked in for October with the Lister, but think we might need a tiny bit more time before we jump back on the IVF coaster.

Lots of love sweetie, good luck at work  
Natalie xxx


----------



## pygmy1971

Hrodie - SSR is Surgical Sperm Removal because no little swimmers come up his pipes anymore.

 that there are some olympic swimmers in there!

   Keep positive ladies    

Hope you've all got the fan on.....   summer is here, for a day or two! 

  my DP gets quite carried away when it hot


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## hbrodie

pygmy - ta for the translation   and oh no, DTD in hot weatehr, ew, far too much sweat  

skybreeze - aw hun, I think you will feel like that for a while, I did and still do TBH but less and less each week   I feel a bit guilty for feeling less pain   and u r right, there are pg ladies everywhere...especially in my local asda, they are in every inch of the place!


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

*hbrodie * - I was thinking of you today - how did it go ? Hope you're OK 

*pygmy1971 * -  and welcome to the thread ! What is it with men and this hot weather ? Mine wants to DTD too and I just can't bear it !

*ramblingrose * - hey hun. I would do anything to go to Wembley to see the boys again. Perhaps I'll nick the tickets off that mother at DS's party on Saturday . Hope you're OK 

*faithfullyhoping * - how are you doing hun ?

*missyb * - how're you in this heat pg lady (ok, less of the lady ) ?

*skybreeze * - you take as long as you need to come to terms with your mc hun. Although I have never experienced a mc, I can appreciate that it must be devastating, and at least doubly so when it is after trying for a such long-awaited-for baby. I am glad you have plans for another round in October which is something to aim for. Look after yourself 

Hello to all the other lovely ladies on here.

I'm so hot (shame Gary Barlow doesn't think so ). I have a day of cake making tomorrow for DS's birthday party on Saturday, and if this heat keeps up, the cake will be a disaster as the fondant icing and buttercream will just go all yucky. I can foresee a mad dash to Tesco on the way to the party !

No news on my op yet so am now getting very frustrated and angry as it has gone over the time I was promised at my consultation .

Anyway, must go and sit on front of the fan and cool down.

Love to all

Jo


----------



## hbrodie

jo - you have 3 options re;appt hun
1) ring your gp and ask them to chase
2) ring your cons secretary and ask her to chase
3) ring the hospital, ask for the appointments department and ask them where u r on the list - how long you still have to wait.
Either way, make it know u r not happy, it has been past the time you were told and you were under the impression  that according to NICE guidelines you should be treated within 6 weeks of consultation date / date referral made by consultant for the op.

work was ok, not wonderful but it was ok   I have my own clinic today, all by myself..let loose on the public   going ok so far - just simple things I have forgotten like where to sign my name on the smear forms, where to put the ECG reading printout when it has been done, what time the courier comes....these are niggly things that will all be ok soon. main thing is I have not forgotten how to be a nurse   

Good luck with the cake making, my attempts at making cakes have failed miserably since having an electric fan oven - I liked my gas one   but not able to have in this house   
M&S do fab ones though if you do get stuck  

how is everyone?

I am going to stay at my mums for the weekend with dh and emily so I may not be about much online but I will be thinking of you all


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Just watching Murray looks like he's about to lose 3rd set  

Rambling and Jobo - Am so jealous, sounds like TT were fab,glad you hit it off and had a great time.

Jobo - Think it would be worth chasing up op, you never know you might get a cancellation ifyou make a fuss

hbrodie - Glad first day back was ok, sounds like fun day, smear tests and everything    

I agree with the pg lady thing, they are everywhere, as are buggies with baby twins in!!!  Although i'm guessing that some of those must be from fertility treatment so I might let them off!!!
Been keping busy this week, out shopping spending money I shouldn't be!!!    oops o well, I can take it back next week  

Pygmy - welcome to the thread, look forward to chatting to you. Sperm retrieval sounds severe, good to see a man having to go through something for a change  

Have a good weekend all, hope he weather is good for everyone

Faithful x

Murray just broken back - maybe not going to lose 3rd set after all


----------



## ramblingrose

Oi, FFH, did you jinx Murray or what?   It's all your fault   

hbrodie - glad first day at work went ok.
Jo - you are Delia Smith, are you not??!!!!

Hope everyone's ok. Not much news from me apart from I feel tired, knackered and generally fed up. What else is new there, I hear you ask.  

And yes, there are pregnant women everywhere here too. And lots of twins.

Have a nice weekend everyone. Hope you feel more upbeat than I do at the mo.


----------



## Jooles68

Hello everyone

Sorry I haven't posted very much.  My daughter has been ill this week, so its been a strange week.  She is much better now, but I was so worried about her, as she has an ear infection, which effected her balance.  So she has been totally out of it mentally & physically.  What a worry they are!

Hbrodie- I haven't seen many pregnant women around but everyone I speak to, has two kids that seem to get on and play together.  I always feel sorry for my daughter but I shouldn't because she has a lovely life.

Well, next month is a goer for me to try & conceive naturally with my new cleaned up uterus.  I am trying to be positive, but after five years it is hard to be! I am so not sure whether to go for IVF again.


Jooles x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Jooles - sorry dd hasn't been well, it's such a worry when they're ill isn't it. Glad she's a bit better now. I don't know what to say about IVF really, other than that from your signature it looks like it was succesful, were your m/c's due to the polyps perhaps? If so then it may be that you have a good chance of it working? To be honest I think it's all a bit pot luck whether it works or not anyway. I guess you've just got to decide how far you want to take it, and when enough is enough. Easier said than done I know.

Rambling - Sorry for jinxing Murray   I promise not to watch him next time he's in the semi - finals!! Sorry you're feeling a bit fed up, have you got a plan/date for starting IVF yet?

Hi everyone else, hope you had a good weekend.

We're just trying to sort out our summer holidays but as we want to go at the end of the school hols i'm worried it's going to be when I could be starting next IVF. Does anyone think that the clinic will have a problem with me starting downregging whilst on holiday in France? Obviously it all depends on my cycle between now and then so can't be sure, but if I don't start then it will be October instead of september. There always seems to be something!!!!

Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * - thanks for the top tips - I will have to follow them up as I am really fed up with waiting 

*ramblingrose * - thanks so much for the links which are now in my Favourites folder 

*jooles68 * - sorry to hear DD has been poorly and hope she's better now

*faithfullyhoping * - isn't it just typical that your cycle/tx gets in the way of your holiday  ? I'd ring the clinic and ask for their advice. I'm sure they wouldn't mind you jabbing whilst on holiday but I suppose it depends on whether they'd want to scan you or not . Hope you get some answers.


----------



## hbrodie

jo - any news on op date?   

jooles - yay! good luck ttc with your 'new and improved' uterus  

FFH - how r u??

rose - u ok hun??


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi Jo and brodie and everyone else

Just popping in to say Hi. Am keeping busy at the moment which is definitely good, although I think I'm doing too much shopping which is definitely bad!!!

Think I need to ring the clinic then don't I, which is always easier said than done!!! I never seem to get to speak to somebody knowledgeable!!!! Oh well have to be firm. I'm going to have to get it sorted, we're in July now and DD breaks up next Friday then the time will fly!!!

Hope everyone ok

Jo - have you chased up hospital yet?

Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

hi all!

FFH - set a goal to ring them by friday afternoon hun   always helps me to set targets with important things


how is everyon?


----------



## jobo5572

*faithful * & *hbrodie * - still no news and I am getting extremely frustrated . My consultant's secretary is currently on leave until sometime next week and the hospital appointments department were as helpful as a chocolate teapot and said they couldn't help at all as I needed to speak to my consultant's secretary. Therefore the only option remaining is to speak to my GP and see if she can do anything but I don't hold out much hope, and/or wait for the consultant's sec to come back from leave next week. Grrrrr . Why doesn't anyone have a sense of urgency when it comes to fertility problems ? Don't they understand how it screws people's lives up ?


----------



## hbrodie

jo -   It irritates me that people seem to put fertility issues way down on the list of urgency


----------



## Skybreeze

jobo5572 said:


> My consultant's secretary is currently on leave until sometime next week and the hospital appointments department were as helpful as a chocolate teapot and said they couldn't help at all as I needed to speak to my consultant's secretary.
> Why doesn't anyone have a sense of urgency when it comes to fertility problems ? Don't they understand how it screws people's lives up ?


Jo    I had this in 2006, I had a abnormal smear and was waiting ages to hear about the results.... Then when I did call got the answer machine saying that the secretary was on hoilday for a month!! Yes a bl88dy months! I was fuming! 
I'm sorry I havent got any anwsers! Is there no one standing in for the cons secretary?? 
Hope you get it sorted!

How is everyone??

Natalie xx


----------



## hbrodie

hi natalie
How r u?

cons and their secretaries go on really long hols don't they


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * & *skybreeze * - went to the GP this morning and she too was as useless as a chocolate teapot. She said my best bet is the cons sec but that I shouldn't worry just yet as they only have to sort me out within 18 weeks of being seen . 18 weeks for gods sake ?! Not to worry ?! Worry doesn't even come close love - I'm bl00dy fuming !!!!!! I explained to her that I was sick of being in limbo-land, i.e. nothing is happening and nothing is being done to help me ttc, and the months are just going by. I'm not having tx ('cos haven't got any money), they won't prescribe me any more Clomid to try out again, I'm still awaiting an op etc. etc. They just don't get it do they ?


----------



## hbrodie

oh hun, I am so sorry you are hitting brick walla every way you turn    I too found that the medical bods didn't seem to bother about sorting IF tx out quickly. It is bad enough having to have hormone profiles done over a period of 3-4months - have a test then wait til same time next cycle x 3!   that takes up loads of time! I said at that point can't they refer me anyway whilst I am having these tests done to save time, but they said they couldn't (wouldn't! more like   ) 
It makes me so sad and cross also that IF takes a back seat in peoples' perception of urgency   Spend a day in the life of someone desperately TTC and see how they like it! 
When is secretary back hun? can you leave a message on her phone? is there anyone covering her? I like to complain when things go wrong (I do also write and praise when thigs go right too   ) but I would now be writing letters to the chief exec of the hospital and sending a copy to my GP and the consultant to say how disgusted I am to have discovered that nobody has been employed to cover the secretary's leave   and how r u meant to go about contacting anyone about queries etc   
We were having to pay for our ICSI as dh has a dd from previous marriage and it made me so cross because I had not had a baby but my needs were pushed aside....so we had to scrimp and save to get near ebough £6,000. We managed £2,000   and figured the rest would have to come in dribs and drabs during tx   but it is such a worry, the cost, isn't it. An added worry. and we all know people love to say 'relax' when you are ttc   so how are we meant to relax with that looming!  
anyway, off my soapbox now.
I am sending you HUGE mahoosive


----------



## Jooles68

Jobo - what op are you waiting for?  Is it the lap & dye & hysteroscopy?  Hope you get the appointment soon.  I went abroad for my hysto in the end.  As for the clomid, my consultant asked me to wait 6 months!  After pushing him, he gave in, but 6 months is a long while when you are trying to conceive.

faithfullyhoping - Have you sorted out your Tx yet?

As for me, I saw my SIL yesterday.  She is also trying to conceive her 2nd ( she had her first at 40 with no probs conceiving).  She surprised me by saying that it would be good if we conceived together then we could share the child care.  I was a bit gob smacked because what I really wanted to hear was 'wouldn't it be lovely for you to conceive after five years'!  It seems she would like me to conceive to help her out!  I know she probably didn't mean it like that but when you are infertile is does make you sensitive to what people say.  I know she will probably conceive again before me and I think when it happens it will be hard to take but of course I will be pleased for her.  I think it may take her longer this time as she is now 42, so she may realise what I have been going through.  

Well Af has arrived on schedule, so this month is the first month that it may actually be worth having BMS! Just hope it was the polyps that were the prob.  

Hope you are all ok

Jooles


----------



## hbrodie

oooh jooles, heres   for good ol' BMS working this month!!!! I know it sounds awful but in a way it is kinda good when those around us who have never had issues TTC suddenly find themselves faced with the possibility of TTC issues cos then they understand what we have been going through   does that make sense? not that I'd ever wish IF on anyone, not even my worst enemy!


----------



## Jooles68

hbrodie - yes that is true. My SIL had wanted children all her life but she didn't meet anyone until later in life.  So in a different way she went through her own problems thinking she wasn't going to have a child.
What stage are you at?  Do you think you will have another ICSI or are you trying naturally?


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Jooles - I hope SIL doesn't get too insensitive about things, and that for your sake she doesn't get a bfp straightaway. Lots of bms this month for you them, really hope it works. Try not to worry if it doesn't happen straight away, it could still be the polyps that were the problem but it might take a few months. Thanks for asking but I haven't got tx sorted yet. I'm going to ring this week, honest!!!!

Jobo - HOpe you manage to get through to consultants secretary this week, very inconsiderate for her to be on holiday when you need to speak to her  

brodie - how are you? Is work ok?

Hi to Rambling, Cinders, Pand, missyb, skybreeze and anyone else [email protected] missed.

Faithful x


----------



## hbrodie

hi all, hope you are all ok    

jooles - we r trying au naturelle this time round too   however I have evil thrush so no chance this month   although we dtd on wed night which was too late for ovulation so doubt that has worked anyway  

went to see friends today, and their LOs, and they are all on about TTC number 2 , kept on about it, asking me about it, I just said we were going to start ttc again when the time felt right - that way no pressure of them wondering about it and asking me all the time like they did when TTC emily


----------



## Skybreeze

hbrodie.. Ah hun, I hate that! If only it was that easy ah? How are you doing?

Hi to everyone!! xxxx


----------



## hbrodie

doing ok ta hun   feeling run down and tired   but still happy   am trying this new   thinking thing       gotta help, surely!  how r u?


----------



## Skybreeze

Not to bad, started going back to the gym to lose weight and I start weight watches (again) on thursday, I want to lose at least a stone before september! 

PMA is great hun, I'm feel a tiny bit more positive now. 

Take care
Natalie xxx


----------



## hbrodie

I think going to these weight classes helps, I found slimming world really helped, motivates and all that   I try to stay each week as when I don;t stay to the chat after weigh in I find I am less motivated that week


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies

Not long back from fat club (WW) and have lost another 1lb so going in the right direction.

Well, I finally have a date........sadly not with Gary Barlow . My cons sec finally got back to me today and offered me a date in August which unfortunately I can't do as we go away a few days after it and it won't give me enough time to recover. Then my cons goes on leave for about 4 weeks and so the next available date is 21st September. Seems like forever away at the moment but I'm hoping the time will pass quickly. In a way I'm glad, cos I want to spend as much time with DS as I can over the summer holidays - got 4 out of the 6.5 weeks off work and don't really want to be laid up after an op for part of it - nor do I want to have to leave all the packing to DH for the holidays - god forbid . I'm still a bit miffed though that it has taken so long to sort out and that is only cos I've been hassling them. The sec even made a flippant comment about my cons being available "any Monday" to do surgery - so why hasn't she said this before ? And why has it taken so long to sort out ?!! OK, in my rational head I know that there are plenty of other women who need their bits sorting out but my irrational "no-time-to-waste-cos-biological-clock's-ticking-and SIF-is-driving-me-more-insane-by-the-day" head just can't wait !!! All of a sudden she had a load of dates to throw at me - well why couldn't she do that 2 months ago ? Grrrrr 

Anyway, rant over, and I have a date.....roll on September (but make the summer holidays go really slowly too !).

*hbrodie * & *skybreeze * - please can you share out your PMA ?!

*faithfullyhoping * - roll on September for you too hun - have you contacted the clinic yet about going away and DR'ing ?

*ramblingrose * - you OK hun ?

*jooles68 * - here's hoping the polyps were to blame 

*missyb * - hello ducks 

*jo1983 * - great to catch up earlier 

Hello to all the other lovely ladies reading this.

Jo


----------



## Skybreeze

YEY!!!!!! Jo!! What a relief!! I am so pleased... It will go very quick between now and September!

Where you off to for your holes then hun??



Take care
Natalie xxx


----------



## hbrodie

jo - yippppppeeeeeee at flippin last!!!! hooray nelly! yipety doo dah!     sept is a way of fhun but like you say - you have a date   and also you really can't leave dh to pack, that would be awful   plus being laid up in hols also would be a bad thing   

how is everyone? af arrived today   sure not due for 1 more week


----------



## Skybreeze

hbrodie said:


> how is everyone? af arrived today  sure not due for 1 more week


I'm ok! Sorry Af arrived! I wish I had mine, its been nearly 6 weeks now... Hoping she isnt to long!

Natalie xx


----------



## hbrodie

skybreeze - wear white linen trusers hun, always brings my af on


----------



## Skybreeze

Hbrodie... I was thinking about doing a HPT, that always ensures AF arrival!!! Even thinking about doing one I get AF pains! lol  

Natalie xxx


----------



## hbrodie

yes, that will work too   aren't our bodies mean to us  
It seems whenever I wear white linen trousers and I go out to my mates house I seem to start af, even if not actually due   and I have had a couple of incidents where I didn't know til I went to the loo and saw a situation had occurred and made a hasty exit home to get sorted   flippin mother nature


----------



## missyb

lmao hbrodie! with you on the white trousers thing!!!! used to work with me without fail!

lol skybreeze i would be sat on the loo hpt in hand and then af would come!!!!


Hope you are all well. love to all sending   and   to all.

hugs to jobo... glad things are moving at last for you... thanks for the texts hun xx


Amanda xx


----------



## jobo5572

I'm in bits ladies , but I know that you will understand me. I've taken the day off today as I wanted to drop off and pick up DS from school on his last day in Reception class (which has already had me blarting  when one of his teachers gave me a hug). As DH is also at home (another reason to  ) we decided we needed to sort out the loft as it is in a mess and in a desperate need of a sort out - I went up there and started to pass things down to DH. And then I came across all DS's baby stuff, toys, moses basket, clothes, buggy etc. etc. and that was it - I nearly flooded the loft    . DH just doesn't get it and keeps telling me to pull myself together. OK, so I know that AF arriving this morning hasn't helped the situation, but I am so heartbroken seeing all DS's stuff - the stuff we decided to keep for our 2nd and possibly more babies. It seems so pointless now and we are going to have to part with some of it which breaks my heart . When will this pain and longing for another baby ever end ? _Will _ it ever end ?

I'm sorry to be so miserable. We've taken a coffee break - DH is watching Sky Sports and I'm on here - says it all really.

I had a feeling I'd be an emotional wreck today anyway with it being DS's last day in Reception - a milestone - yet so sad that this may be the last chance I ever have to pick up a child of mine from Reception . It all seems so final. I know my hormones are also raging today which will account for some of my behaviour, but I just feel so sad.

Sorry, this has just been a rambling blurb of blartiness.

I will catch up properly later ladies I promise.


----------



## hbrodie

jobo -  hun, no apology necessary     I see emily's baby clothes and cry and I think all the others here do too   so we understand where you are coming from    and also it is a big thing that DS is leaving reception and going into yr 1, so you are bound to be emotional....plus flippin AF   Rant / blart away  that is why we r here   
do you have counselling? Have you talked your feelings through with a 3rd party? 
DH's never seem to grasp our emotions do they   and no matter how we try to explain, in simple terms, they just don;t get it


----------



## Skybreeze

Oh Jo  No need to say sorry! Its totally understandable.... Its so sad to see all them things when your getting nowhere on the 'having another baby front'. Although I havent got any children, I always have the thought of never having a child to pick up from school. Sometimes its overwelming. 

Sending lots of hugs and love
Natalie xxx


----------



## jobo5572

*hbrodie * & *skybreeze * - thank you so much for your lovely words . *Skybreeze*, I appreciate that there is a difference between PIF and SIF and that I can never truly understand your pain  but I can understand that your thoughts about school must be overwhelming hun . I feel bad for moaning on .

It's been a sh1tty old day and I have done nothing but  at the slightest little thing. I completely balled my eyes out at the end of school today (as did the teachers and some of the other mothers thankfully !) - my baby is growing up so fast. He would tell me off if he knew I was calling him my baby as he is now a "big boy" apparently . And although I know he will always be my baby, even when he's 50, he really isn't a baby any more and hasn't been for some time.

There was a school disco after school finished today. I was looking around the room at all his friends and their siblings (younger and/or older) and I felt so sad for DS . For the next 6.5 weeks he's not going to be around little people of his own age every day like at school, but stuck with boring old mummy (and sometimes exceptionally lazy daddy) for most of the time. I will make sure that he meets up with his little friends as often as possible but I'm wary of getting on people's nerves by asking them all the time - after all, they have ready-made playmates for their children right under their noses and don't have to think about their children being lonely do they ? I don't think they realise (in all fairness to them) how important it is for only children to mix with others. Don't get me wrong - I would spend every minute of every 6.5 weeks with DS if I could but that is not fair on him. I will spoil him rotten and take him places and do lots of things - perhaps even things I couldn't do if I _did _ have another child - but it still won't take the hurt away and it won't stop me feeling terribly guilty that I haven't been able to provide him with a sibling, for now and for later in life.

I know I need to get a grip - I know nothing is going to change overnight - and I know that I have to come to terms with this sh1t that is SIF somehow - I just haven't quite worked out how . I know every day just how lucky I am to have DS, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Sorry ladies. I'm hoping brighter Jo might resume tomorrow when I wake up (who am I trying to kid )


----------



## hbrodie

jo - never apologise for posting your feelings, that is what we r here for hun


----------



## aracena

Hello

This is my first post here, so I hope you don't mind me joining in. I read Jobo's post and identified so completely I just wanted to say that you're not alone. There are some things which just make the pain of secondary infertility so awful...and such constant reminders of all your hopes and dreams that are disappointed. 

It is so hard looking through all the old baby stuff - I was doing the same today because I am running out of room to keep it. I know I really have to chuck it out but can't bring myself to yet - it would be like letting go of my dream of having another baby. I have given us another 6 months and then I will throw it out - after all, if by some miracle we do get a bfp after that, I'll hardly be moaning about having to buy new stuff will I?!
 

Aracena


----------



## bubblicous

hey everyone


how are you all ive not been on this site for ages most of you wont remember me 

im 26 and my dh is 31 weve been ttc for almost 5 years i have 2 gorg girls from a previous relationship my dh is ok i dont ovulate

ive had 12 months of clomid all bfn   last year i had a surprise natural bfp which sadly ended in a miscarriage  

at the moment im on no treatment the dr has suggested we look into private clinics for iui or ivf but is still monitoring me until my next appointment with her in september 
i had day 21 bloods done this cycle with a level of 21 so rather rubbish at the moment im lost i dont ovulate myself and at the moment we cant afford ivf we could do iui but the dr said the success rates are really low so not sure if i want to take that gamble 

all round me people are having babies or announcing they are pregnant i feel like im in limbo


----------



## Skybreeze

Welcome Aracena and Bubbleicous! I am your local friendly moderator  Feel free to ask for anything!

*Aracena*.... Welcome to FF! Nice to have you here.. Why not introduce your self on the intro's board... CLICK HERE

Good luck with your ttc!! I hope you are blessed very soon.

*Bubbleicous* Welcome back!! I am sorry to hear about your m/c, its a totally awful thing to have to go through.    Good luck with your appointment in September, I shouldnt see any reason why IUI wouldnt work with you. IVF can be a huge strane on the old bank balance... I have done egg share IVF in the past to get to one of the best clinic's in England, otherwise we could NEVER afford it there. Is it something you would consider? We paid just over £600 for our last go at IVF. So a massive difference to the usuall £6-8K.

Love to all!! 
Have a lovely night I am off to watch Harry Potter! 

Natalie xxx


----------



## bubblicous

skybreeze - egg sharing was something else we were looking into it would cut our ivf cost from 5k to just 1k which is much more affordable for us but were only looking into it  at the moment. how did you find it was it ok


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Bubbs I remember you   

I have also done egg share so if you need to know anything you can always pm me hun.

Hugs to you all, hope you are enjoying your weekends.  

Jo, thanks for the texts, extra hugs for you  

Jo xxx


----------



## hbrodie

bubblicous - welcome!!!! I was wondering about egg share 4 u when I was reading your posts and then saw others had though it too - we all have wonderful minds which think alike   So sorry to hear of your m/c. i had a mc at 4+1 back in april   truly awful. 

jo - wow, look at your ticker!   how r u?

skybreeze - how r u today hun?

aracena - welcome to you too   I love your last sentence hun, no - you won't be moaning about buying new things! 

I was at the next sale today, we went at 9am, got a few bits for emily, but I kept being drawn to the tiny weeny baby things still.....hoping, wishing. I should have been buying new bits for my baby had I not m/c'd. I'd be 16/40 today  

jobo - how r u?

tamsin - here's to happy times ahead indeed


----------



## bubblicous

hey everyone 

hbrodie - the consultant said they would love my eggs as im at a nice age for it and when we went to look at the private clinic we picked the nurse there also said my eggs would be brilliant so it is a possiblilty dh isnt too keen on the idea but does look at it realistically as its the only way we could ever afford ivf so i think it is something we will do but we did think that iui was something wed give a go first 


does anyone think iui would be a watse of money and wed be better just going straight for ivf


----------



## hbrodie

iui works for many many people hun


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls,
Hope you're all looking forward to the nice long summer hols   just hope we get some sunshine.

Bubbs - welcome back hun, sorry you've not had any joy - join the club!!!! I had iui 3 times with no bfp, and have had an ivf cycle with a bfn since too. IUI does work for some people and I would say it's more likely to work for you if you've got a specific problem such as no ovulation as they increase the chances of you catching by making sure that you've got 2 or3 follicles and by putting the sperm exactly where it needs to be. On the other hand if there are other problems iui won't necessarily identify them, in my IVF cycle I found that out of 9 fertilised eggs only 2 were any good - which is presumably why the iui didn't work for me, they didn't catch any good ones!!! For me iui was emotionally draining and in retrospect didn't stand much chance of working, having said that lots of girls I was chatting with on the iui thread did get bfp's. I think it's worth 1 or 2 goes maybe.

Jobo - Glad you've finally got a date, but how frustrating for you that it sounds like you could have got one earlier   The holidays will go all too quickly and soon september will be here. Hopefully you can enjoy the summer in the knowledge that you're going to get sorted very soon. I completely get the finishing reception thing, I feel the same way every year with my dd, she's just finished year 2, I really can't believe where the time is going.

Aracena - welcome to our thread, do come and chat with us, we're a friendly lot, honest!!!

hbrodie - How are you? How's work? I hope it's not too hard for you having to leave your lovely little dd.

Jo - not long to go for you now. hope it all goes well for you.

Rambling - How's it going? Any news on treatment?

Skybreeze - Hi hun, how are you feeling? Have you thought about doing another cycle yet?

Hi to everyone else.

I still haven't spoken to clinic about starting downregging in France, I was hoping that my AF would be late again this cycle so that I wouldn't have to start on holiday but of course it arrived a day early so I think it's definitely going to be then. So will ring them this week and see what they say.

Take care all

Faithful x


----------



## bubblicous

hi faithfullyhoping - its good to hear from you sorry ur iui and ivf havent worked lifes an utter bugger isnt it.  We are so confused just now lots of options and one of the girls on the clomid thread has halso mentioned the drug letzole i think thats it were thinking we might ask the consultant about thats though i think that its going to have to be iui or ivf.  Loads of people have said to us just to leave it as the time we got pregnant last year was without any treatment but i really just think it was a one off.  its just so hard to know what to do as there as lots of things to consider and i keep asking myself will i know when to stop.  goodluck with your next cycle i have everything crossed for you have a nice holiday too when is it you go.  were going away next weekend to orkney will be nice to be in the fresh country air for a couple of weeks


----------



## Skybreeze

Hi all

Bubblicous... I found egg share a very positive experiance, there are a few risk with doing it... ie getting enough eggs to share... I was in the situation on my first cycle of egg share (second IVF) I responded really poorly to stims but in the end after stimming for a lifetime   I got 15 eggs. I thik its worth talking about hun. With the IUI, it works for so many people! And you have had a natural pregnancy so I would say that its quite likely to work. However on paper the chances are quite low, where as IVF has a bigger success rate. At the end of the day its your choice, dont feel presure from your consultant to try either one you dont want. Good luck.   

Faithfullyhoping.... I would of thought DR on hoilday would be fine, your'll just need a note for the drugs. I ok thanks, slowly feeling ok about things... I still have my moments when life is just unbearable. As for another go of IVF, I have a follow up at the Lister on the 11th of August to talk about what happened.. (as if they can tell me the reason) Also as it will be my 4th IVF I would think immune testing will come into it now. More bl88dy money!   All being well and a total miracle doesnt happen then I start the pill end of September.. Maybe even October. I still have had a AF since losing the baby. So depends what AF does. Good luck hun.

Jo... No matter if its primary or secondary infertility, it still hurts!   Hope your feeling a tiny bit better now.  

Hbrodie.... Hey hun, how are you doing... I'm coping... Still having moments when I think how far I should be now... We were the same I think... My edd was the 4th of Jan. Its hard still but trying to think of the future. 

Love to everyone
Natalie xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## hbrodie

natalie - yes, I was due 3rd jan. I should be 16+1 today  

hello to everyone else! sorry no personals, just popping on in a rare spare 5min in daylight hours   must dash in a mo, dog groomer almost done with my doggies and needs paying


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies - just a relatively quick one from me as I'm at work with prying eyes behind me.

I am feeling much better than I did on Friday - yet another SIF blip . Thanks to all of you who've posted lovely things to me since then 

*hbrodie * - it must be so hard remembering where you would've been with your dates. There is nothing wrong with this though - you have every right to remember Squiggle  

*aracena * - hello and welcome to the thread ! It really helps to talk to people on here who are going through the same thing - it's just a shame we have to live in a world of smug fertiles and can't form our own little SIF-commune. Here's hoping you'll get your bfp before your 6 month deadline 

*bubblicious * - hello !!!! Long time no hear ! I hope you manage to come to a decision soon as to the way forward. Isn't it so unfair that we all have to stump up loads of money for all this tx required ?

*jo1983 * - hey fatty . Thanks for your texts too hun 

*faithfullyhoping * - I hope you get an answer from the clinic about DRing in France.

*skybreeze * - it really does hurt doesn't it hun, and no-one gets it unless they've been there . I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. And as I said to hbrodie, it must be so hard remembering where you would've been with your dates  

I'd better go ladies. Thanks for all your support


----------



## bubblicous

hey jobo - how are u tell me about it but its worth every penny if it works isnt it weve decided to have an iui shot then we will do ivf hoping to get it all going september time its kinda exciting


----------



## hbrodie

it is exciting hun, you're on the road to doing something...taking as much controil as you can in an uncontrollable situation. I found focusing on tx helped me cope


----------



## bubblicous

thanks hbrodie thst how i feel the past few weeks i have been down in the dumps and wanting to give up but since we decided that were going to do it i feel so much better

how is everyone else

im cd 28 today just waitning on af to come she was due today but hasnt graced me with her presence just yet we will wait and see

   for everyone


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

bubbs - glad u r feeling better now you've made a decision, I think it definitely helps once you've decided to do something proactive to sort things out.

Everyone else, just a quickie, have got to go and do tea!!! Finally got around to phoning clinic yesterday and they said it was fine if I wanted to downreg on holiday I just need to ring up on Day 1 of cycle and they would sort out dates and picking up drugs etc.... However I'm a bit undecided whether to go for it then or wait until my next cycle, it's also a matter of what fits in best with work. Need to discuss with DH I guess but we've been busy getting ready for a youth camp we're leading, must be   I know!!! So will have to try and catch him this pm. I need to ring consultant for prescription and to find out what drug's he's decided on for me if I'm going to go for end of August downregging!!! Part of me thinks I can't be bothered, but the other half thinks that I'll regret it if I don't get on with it now!!!! I don't feel very positive about it but still want to do it anyway!!!!

Faithful x


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## hbrodie

Faithful - ooh, decisions decisions eh   I hope you can chat to dh tonight and discuss it. Horrid when things play on your mind, such a big thing too     for you hun, xx

how is everyone?


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## faithfullyhoping

Thanks brodie - didn't get opportunity for deep and meaningful last night but having just looked at dates again I've realised that if I leave it until the next month it's going to be difficult because it could fall that transfer is when we're away for a weekend that we can't get out of. So actually feel quite pleased that my decision has been made for me!    Just need to get hold of consultant now!!!


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## ann_of_loxley

May I join?...not that I really want to be here (and hopefully my stay won't be for long). 
My name is Ann - I am 24 and wife to my DH 36.  We live in Gloucestershire with our DS who will be 4 this September! 

The term 'infertility' is hard for me to take in. I am fertile... so whats the deal? I had to explain to my MIL what 'infertility' means and that they tend to use harsher words such as 'barren' for what one would assume 'infertile' meant.  

We have a wonderful DS  - who was conceived in one night (literally). He will be four this September. We have been TTC since end of June last year - so nearly a year now. I have no problem conceiving - they just don't stick around. I have had four miscarriages in a short time since we began TTC...I do not want to add to that.  

So whats the deal? Well - I am pretty sure I have endometriosis. In fact, I always have. From the first time I started my period they have been very painful. I was hospitalised because it was so painful my first period - but they did not know it was my period at the time. They thought it might have been my appendix. I kept fainting because of the pain. They eventually sent me home since it didn't seem like anything life threatening and it was only later that night that I disovered blood and knew I had started my period. I was currnetly living in a foster home at that time with many teenage girls and was just excited to finally be a 'woman'. They were always that painful though even after that - they have also always been very heavy and clotty. I thought I was just one of the unlucky ones. Looking back I am actually disapointd that they never thought it should be checked out though. I was called an overexaggerater as I sat there suffering from hot flashes. I just got used to the pain over time. (so much so that when I did go into labour with my son - I had a section but I got to 6/7cm before that - I could not feel the contractions other than externally with my hand...I had suffered and tolerated pain more than that everytime I had a period!). After having my son they improved for awhile but slowly have gotten worse and worse and back to how my periods used to be. It has not been officially diagnosed yet though (but if its not endo - what the smeg is it?! lol). I have only had blood tests so far which show low testosterone (for a woman) which affects my progesterone levels - which are also low. 

I have tried progesterone cream so far which has greatly improved my periods. They are not as painful or clotty - but are still rather heavy. Despite this, I have still had two miscarriages on the progesterone cream though. What has come out of me during this time has also looked very much like endometrial lining as well (tmi sorry) - so I doubt that, even with the progesterone cream, that the pregnancy would have been able to stick anyhow due to my sucky uterine lining. I don't think it will be as easy as just boosting my progesterone - I need to balance out my other hormones first (low testosterone/exess estrogen/etc) 

I have not had much help from my GP/Doctor. They have been inconsiderate towards me, dismisive and insensitive. These are supposed to be people that can help fix me - but they have left me in a worse emotional state than before! 

My miscarriages have all been early - between 4-6 weeks. But they have been real losses - deaths to me.  

I know I have a son - and I am thankful for that. I have also wondered why he is here - if I have suffered from endo/hormonal imbalances all my life. Well, during my research so far I think I have the answer to that...in fact, I think he is very lucky to be here. He was conceived when I was I was in the Army. I was the only girl there I knew who still had a period despite all the exercise - everyone else lost theirs (and if my understanding is correct about this all, that much exercise can produce too much testosterone which effectly - like PCOS - cause one to not ovulate for awhile = irregular cycles, no periods, etc). Apparently, its a natural way to help boost your testosterone levels (I guess it did this for me!). As my blood tests have shown, they are low. I think being in the Army helped to balance me out for a time. My periods after some time in the Army did become less heavy and less painful - so I think thats a real posibility and why my son was able to stick around when he did. 

I can not do that much exercise though (not now)! - I do exercise. I am a decent weight as well. I eat healthy (very healthy - mostly raw, veggie/veg, no soya, wheat free, etc). I am currently debating whether or not I want to have my endo diagnoses. It seems pretty invasive for something I already am 99.9% sure I have. Who do I need to prove that to? What can they do help as well? I tend to stick with alternative therapies so for now I think that is what I am going to do. I have not tried all I can in that department yet. From here I am going with TCM - I am on herbs and essences to help balance out my hormones. From there I will go with acupuncture and crystal healing. I am telling myself right now that if by next year I still have not coneived or have added to my losses - then I will go the modern medicine route (and even then, we might be going private - I just can not seem to look at my GP/Doctor right now). I don't want a quick fix right now though and I have heard many good things about alternative therapies for endo/hormonal imbalances. I hope I have good luck in that department - I feel pretty positive about it so far! 

This has been a very emotional rollercoaster for me. I have found myself hating myself and my body. I have found myself wanting to hurt myself because of how my body has let me down. I have even found myself resenting my son for his exsistance - wondering why he is here and the others have not suck -and the losses that I have suffered. I want nothing more than to have a baby and give him a brother or sister. I think he deserves that - I think he is ready. I find such comments (as mentioned in previous posts) very ignorant and hurtful - I have received all of these....'You have a son, it will happen in time', 'they were very early miscarriages though', 'maybe you are trying to hard, you should relax a bit', 'was it something you did? - Did you exercise too much, did you pick up your son too much?', 'whats wrong with your body?' and such dismissive comments from my GP/Doctor that basically says secondary infertility doesn't exsist! They make me question and doubt myself - they make me feel bad for feeling so emotional over it all. I never thought this would be my TTC road - but I guess I was naive. 

I had not heard from a friend in a very long time. She popped on MSN the other week just to tell me (so it seems) that she thinks she might be pregnant and that she was sorry (she knows we have been struggling - she was saying sorry to me). So why tell me? She wasn't even for sure, she said she just thought she might be. I had not heard from her for ages and this seemed all she wanted to tell me at the time whilst I was experiencing another miscarriage!  Are people that insensitive? 

Is anyone else here going through TTC with endo - or anything that is similar to what I have been going through? 

Just got my results in for blood clotting disorders (and Lupus - apparently they checked for that as well  - and if I didn't watch House, I would have no idea what that was! lol) - and all is clear!
Next are my ovaries and a lap! - Hopefully I wont need them to check either!


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## hbrodie

hi ann  
so sorry to read your story / journey.
I hope the alternative therapies help hun. I have heard very   things about accupuncture   although I don't know much about crystal healing etc.
I tink it is good to follow your heart and beliefs and go with alt therapies 1st, then modern medicine if you need it at a later date  
It is a great pity people r so insensitive   and even worse when it is a medical person as they should offer support, not vindication   so I am sorry to read you have experienced no support from your GP. Is there a way you can change practice? you are, in fact, fully entitled to request a different GP when you make an appointment and you can chose which practice you go to. If it is an area thing you just have to write a letter putting your case forward.


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Am off to sunny wales for a week so won't be chatting for a bit!!!!

Ann - Welcome, sorry to hear about your problems, there's lots of us here in the same boat so look forward to chatting to you more. I've tried a lot of alternative therapies, I think there is a lot in them. I think it's important to give them a chance to work, but then to recognise that if it's still not working to seek further medical intervention. Hope it works for you hun.

Everyone else

spoke to consultant yesterday and sorted out my prescription. It was quite amusing actually as he had no recollection of our conversation about changing drugs to try to get more eggs, he said that with 16 follicles he wouldn't be upping drugs, more likely lowering them!!!! But he did say he would check my file!!! I guess they do see a lot of patients and I shouldn't really expect him to remember a conversation from 2 months ago!!!!
Feel a bit flat too as got a text from a friend saying she's pregnant with her 2nd. Made me feel a bit sick because she had trouble having her first, she had 2 miscarriages before having him and she was trying for him when we first started trying for number 2. I remember being really pleased for her the first time around, this time I just feel a big knot in my tummy and a feeling that I can't believe that she's having a 2nd and we can't    I know it's awful to feel that way. The worst of it is that now I've got to spend a week with her as she's coming on this youth camp that we're running. Talk about bad timing, I could really have done without having this rubbed in my face all week    

Anyway sorry to go on, I must focus on the positives - we're doing round 2 of ivf in september, and you never know it might even work!!! 

Anyway must go, still got a few things to pack. 

Lots of love

Faithful x


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## GirlGamer

Hi just jumping in on, this thread, hope everyone is ok. im newbie round here, with lots to say, feelings to write down, moans! years of frustration anger resentment jealousy hurt.. i cud go on we all know all of those feelings at some point. sorry that i have only read this page, so dont know any of u or wot yr up to, but will give a big wave to all and wish iall is well x


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## ramblingrose

Hi ladies, just a quick update from me.

I see there are a lot of newbies so hello to everyone. You'll find some good support here amongst like-minded ladies. Many of us have been hoping for a sibling for our little ones for a very long time, so we've all gone through every emotion possible and here is a good place to sound off and get some advice. Better than you get in the real world, if your 'friends' and family are anything like mine.

As for me, things not looking too good this end at the moment and think our journey may be over. Too long and boring for you all to go into, but I'm not in a very good place at the moment. We were supposed to be starting treatment properly next month but it's not going to be happening now it seems. Don't really think this is the place for me anymore, so am having to love you and leave you.

I hope you are all well and wish you all luck in the future, and thanks for the support thus far.

x


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## GirlGamer

aww rose, sorry. i know that place u mean i was there myself when my ttc with 2nd DP ended. i did get one go at icsi, but that was it. i was a member on another forum similar to here that gave me lots of support thru my ttc and icsi, but felt on the day of the -ive i cudnt continue on there, it was too painful.sending big hugs and lotsa love Rose xx


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## hbrodie

rambling rose - hun, what's up?! nothing is too boring, we r here to listen and to help, even if just to let you vent.....please don;t go!   

girlgamer - welcome hun, big   to you. sorry you are in a dark place too   

faithful - have a fab time in wales.....so sorry your friend is pg, I know that sounds odd, and it is good 4 her, but not so good for you. we all know how it feels to hear yet anothe rbl00dy BFP announcent from a non-FFer so here is a huge  

hi to everyone else, sorry it is a quick one, off to watch casualty!


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## pygmy1971

hello ladies..... i'm back!!!

I'd been lured away from here by my DP. He said i was 'disturbed and obsessive' by my desire to have another child and that by being on here just proved i was!!!  
 What an asshole!
Fortunatley newbie GirlGamer sent me a private message..... and so here i am, back where i belong.

Obviously if DP offered me even an ounce of support, then just maybe i wouldn't act like a woman possessed.
He had me arrested last year and then sectioned under the Mental Health Act.... i kid you not!!
We were arguing all the time, he just wouldn't listen to me, i discovered he was confiding in his ex-wife.... the phone bill showed her number..... so i smashed the house phone onto the floor, then went to chuck my mobile at him (in frustration-we were outside by then and he was telling me i was a nutter etc etc), the mobile hit his car... he dragged me inside, restrained me, called the police and had me arrested. I was cautioned, DNA took, fingerprints etc etc

A few days after, i was returning home after going out to buy a newspaper, and when i opened the gate he was waiting for me..... he physically restrained me.... again..... by this time i was very scared and very angry, so i fought back..... trouble was, he had called 999 and it sounded like i was going beserk, quick as a flash 7 policemen/women came. When they realised what was going on, they took me to one side to let me breathe, realising that i was no threat. (Under 5foot tall, but DP is 5foot 10 and about 15stone). DP convinced them i was insane, (because i dared to get sad in front of him, i showed how much i wanted another child and that was considered 'being off my head'. I was taken to a psychiatric ward, assessed etc. Discovered that it's just good old grief that captured me, and without any support and having to cry silently for so many years, my frustrations caused me to chuck my mobile phone a few times. 
Fortunately the professionals didn't class me as being mad, just very very sad. Plus the fact that i've ADHD which in itself causes difficulty with frustration and the tendency to be impulsive - chucking things etc. I'd never needed treatment for my ADHD before, it had never caused a problem, apart from the daydreaming and forgetfulness, but since being with DP i've found the frustration difficult to keep under control.
He knows i've ADHD and deliberately tries to provoke me. I'm the quietest and calmest person, but he makes me want to scream. I know he's the one making me ill, i'm not allowed to mention baby's, not allowed to read any support books regarding infertility (he says it's considered being obsessed), he says that just because i see his ex-wife flaunting her pregnancy, i should just ignore it!!!!

Apparently he was upset that the vasectomy reversal didn't work.... funny way of showing it.
Sometimes i wonder if he's 'grieving' too. He wasn't such a git when i first met him.

He has only took me out a couple of times in five years. Our first 'family' trip with DP, me and my DS was the other week.... waited five years to be took out!!!

The other night he promised to take me for a posh meal. Something him and his ex-wife did nearly weekly. He dictated that i had to wear high heels and stockings. I wasn't happy, plus the fact that i was having a mega fat day and AF was on her way. He said 'fine, if you can't be arsed, then you'll just have to put up with fish and chips, obviously you're not prepared to make an effort'.
We haven't spoken since. Obviously his ex-wife was more worthy of being taken out, even though he said she was a complete *****. Trouble is, because of their fake lifestyle bought on credit cards and numerous remortgages, he's up to his eyes in debt..... and it's me and my DS that is suffering because of it. 

I know you'll all say that he's a rotten apple, but last year his ex-wife told me that he had a good heart deep down. How bl**dy deep??

I just want the man i fell for...... before the baby making went horribly wrong. Maybe it is me, maybe i am a woman possessed and obsessed. Either way, it's my DS who is being tortured.
Luckily he goes to see his dad every fortnight! And to think that i left his dad because i thought he was a mega git, what's that saying..... Chip Pan and Fire

Suppose i'm just on a mega downer and see things as being worse than they really are.
Suppose i should seek counselling, to determine how i continue with my future.
I hold a lot of resentment for DP having a vasectomy, even though it was with his ex-wife. But since she became pregnant, miraculously only a couple of months after he told her that i'd need ICSI if we were to be able to have our own child, everything has turned into an erupted volcano!!

I've convinced myself that she got pregnant out of spite. After all, she's nearly 40 and hates children!!!!  Maybe i am mad

Aaaaargh....... all i ever wanted was a nice husband, a house full of children, the odd trip to the seaside.... not much to ask for..... but i get dealt the crap card time and time again.

Enough of my ranting. I must come across as wallowing in self pity. After all, i do have the joy of already having my DS, some never have that chance.

Emotions are such a powerful force.


Give a warm welcome to GirlGamer, if it wasn't for her message to me, i'd have contined to suffer in silence.

X X X


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## ann_of_loxley

Oh well...my dh's had a bathful of toys chucked at him.  My only regret after that was that I didn't have better aim! - He has stopped smoking though (so something worked!) ...  No, violence isn't okay but I think men and woman greive differently.  Which can make it hard - especially if you have a DH like mine who just likes to go silent and bottle things up.  
'Obsesed' is a word that has been thrown at me a few times as well - already (and we havn't been going at this for long!).  But look at me - I am discovering the blinkie happiness! hehe


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## pygmy1971

Thank you ann_of_loxley  

I've discovered that there are a lot of hubby's who hide their emotions, which then gets turned into negative behaviour.

I think i will have a word with our doctor next week.

Who'd have thought that ttc could turn decent people into such monsters.

 let's see what tomorrow brings.

 thoughts for everyone.

 this rollercoaster ride ends with happiness one day soon.

X X X


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## GirlGamer

thanks pygmy   if im honest uve done the same for me, i stumbled on here the other day, wuda jsut stayed as a guest prob, but i felt yr pain so joined so i cud say hello to u xxx
men do show there grief differently. my ex dp "dropped me like a sack of spuds" the day after our icsi -ve. i died that day, never been the same since, 2 years after i gave in and ended our relationship. it wasnt so much that i blamed him, i was just alone and felt unloved, unsupported and frustrated. we said we wud move on, it wa s relief to start, even tho we dint get wot we wanted, like it was an end to it. but it just never happended, he went controlling possesive, selfish, everythi g he wasnt before.  have been having councelling since last year, she said we shud talk about his MF. i asked him, his attitude was, well its tough, and as i dint feel any love from him for a long time, i said my love wasnt unconditional, wot was the point in loving someone to get nothing back? 
i had someone ask me if i was obsessed the other week at work, she has 4 kids ffs.how can we not be.
i remember trying to explain to ex dp how i felt about wanting sometihng so natural something that was for most a given right, a choice. i said that for him to imagine that every house on the street had a porsche (men and cars  ) every man he knew had one, every house in the neibourhood. didnt have to ask for one, dint have to save up, wait, it was just there for them and if they wanted 2 they just got it, there and then...now hes not allowed to have one, hes gotta wait, hope, have pain, heartache, take over his life and maybe one just one day if hes lucky, he can have one...but probably wont
anyway enuf of my ramblings  
xxx


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## pygmy1971

Phew...... oh my giddy aunt!!!   i cannot believe that there's another woman on this Earth that has felt/feels the same as i do..... unfortunately there are..... i wish it wasn't the case, i wish we could all have the happy endings we so rightly deserve.

GirlGamer, how you explained your emotions to your ex DP via the Porsche scenario is just brilliant.
I'm only just realising that my DP needs talking to as if he was a toddler, with very simple terms, so when i've stopped giving him the silent treatment i will repeat your 'everyone has a Porsche, but you can't have one' story. Hopefully my DP will understand a bit more   or do i just   him over the head and have done with it?  

 for everyone. Keep   and here's lots and lots of   and   too!!


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## hbrodie

pygmy - I am glad you have come here to let it out, as it were. yes, dp does sound   but he also sounds like a MAN   and men have MAN emotions which are subdued and stunted and build up and end up being completely incomprehensible!    
so, I hope we here on FF can help you and support you hun. speaking to your gp next week sounds good, a   to thing to do  

girl gamer - well done for joining to say hello to a fellow FFer! hope you too egt support from us girlies  

ann - of - loxley - hi hun! I threw a frying pan at DH last year (my best one   now dented!) it missed (thank goodness as otherwise it'd have really caused him damage!) but it did feel good for that split second it was mid-air and the look on his face was classic....like he was suddenly realising I meant business and was to be taken seriously! 

where is everyone? I hope you are all ok?? love and hugs to you all. I think we r all on a bit of a downer recently. it is awful, and I wish I could wave a magic wand for us all


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## ann_of_loxley

That gave me a good chuckle! hehe - Yeah, I think it was a realising point for my DH too (wish it didn't have to take such drastic actions though)

I am here wondering what is up with my temps - they are, on average, lower than usual.  Its like my whole chart has shifted to the lower region in BBT.  They used to be rather high for what they were (if I compared in the chart gallery, I always noticed my temps were on the high end of things and rarely actually saw anyone with temps as high as mine - 37.5 being high after O and 36.8 being my average before O)....The only diff this cycle is acupuncture! - So perhaps that is setting things straight for me (as I realise my temps before were pretty high - maybe not so good?) - They are lower this cycle, but 'average' in the general world of BBT, so perhaps a good sign?  Who knows.  I am pretty devastated the first few days of AF, then pretty relaxed about it all - taking one day a day at a time, but around O and during the 2ww, I am pretty manic!   hehe  And getting pregnant is only half the battle!  I wish I didn't want it - that seems to be the trick to getting pregnant.  

I am looking forward to getting to know you all more! - Hopefully my stay won't be too long though (hope? - Yeah, I still have some of that!).


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## GirlGamer

Hi ann yr cycle sounds like mine from the feelings, im the same with the af to start then calmer then all over the place for the 2ww. wish i cud not think! easier said than done! hehe


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## hbrodie

ooooh, temp plotting. I need to get on with that again   I have a file packed full of charts of CM, temps, Cycle days / dates.....oh the joys.


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## Skybreeze

LOL hbrodie!!! I started charting this months and will be doing OPK's.... Oh and I also bought a clearblue fertility monitor!! I am a women on a mission! We have descided to leave IVF until next year now, so will ttc naturally for a miracle!

Hi to everyone
Natalie xxx


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## pygmy1971

I could scream........  Aaaaaaargh!!!!!  

Me and DP having another fertility related domestic, sorry for airing my dirty laundry all the time, i'm just in turmoil at the moment.

I've tried to explain to him that as he loves fishing so much, what if he was unable to go anymore, but all his friends were still able to..... it drew a blank with him......  

I'm obviously resenting him for keeping his life, it hasn't changed one bit. Apart from his growing mountain of debt.

Am i being a selfish cowbag for stomping my feet when he wants to go fishing, as normal.

Because of his past, finances have dictated that i will never have another child if i'm with him.

So why should he continue doing what he loves, while i suffer the torture of seeing his pregnant ex-wife?

Why can't he sell his expensive fishing gear and put the money into an ICSI fund? After all, he can still go fishing when he's collecting his pension..... i only have very limited time to play with when my fertility is concerned. Is he the selfish one, or is it me?

I'm realising that me and DP aren't strong enough to get through this struggle, i'll always resent his failed vasectomy reversal and the lack of support/love he shows, and the crippling debts which has seen me live off Child Benefit and Child Maintenance for nearly five years.

He has cried, he has admitted that he would have loved one more chance to be a father (he lost contact with his daughter when she was five, she's 22 now and is a mummy herself to a beautiful little four year old girl). I've tried to build their bridge, but the slightest wobble and my DP drops his DD like a hot brick. He says it's because his past messed with his head, and he missed out on his DD going to school etc etc etc......  But yet when his DD turned up at his when she was fourteen, he had to turn her away, because his wife at the time raised World War Three.... she hated kids, which is why DP had the vasectomy, and which is why i'm so bl**dy angry that she is now pregnant.
Maybe how he now treats his DD and GD should open my eyes. Most men would die and go to heaven to have the chance of building a bridge with a DD he lost contact with many years ago.
I get blamed of course, because i get upset when i see my DS and his GD together, i obviously get emotional as my DS would have been a brilliant big brother. His DD tells me that its her father with the big problem, if he can't offer me support when i'm feeling sad, which she understands why i would be, then he can't use me as an excuse for not seeing his DD.... i'm the scapegoat.

Maybe he is distraught about the vasectomy reversal not working, and maybe he does need a break away fishing..... how nice for him..... what do i get?? Sod all.

We're on a slippery path.

I wish the Government would just realise how much infertility costs the economy.
So many couples split up..... then there's depression/mental health issues brought on by the infertility..... there's many who have found themselves in huge debt to pay for treatment......
The side effects are enormous..... and guess what? We're not alcoholics awaiting a liver transplant...... we're not junkies have expensive rehab paid for by the NHS..... we just wish to have another child..... and the consequences of not being able to mushroom into an almighty cloud of despair, anguish, desperation, anger, frustration, irrational and neurotic behaviour.

I don't like the woman i've become. The anger has made me bitter and resentful of everything.
I forget what it's like to be happy.
I still 'function' for my DS, i save up for trips to the cinema with him and we have great mother to son chats, and he knows how i struggled to conceive him and how very special he is to me, he also knows my desperation to have a brother or sister for him too. I suppose i'm lucky, i do have the probability that i may be a granny one day, many don't have that as a dream.

It must be my age, i swear that i can hear a clock ticking.

Come on girls, fire me with everything you've got..... men too..... i'd like to know from a man's perspective, am i being a Queen *****?
Should i let the poor DP fish until his hearts content, while i wallow in self pity?

Opinions greatly appreciated......


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## Skybreeze

hey hun

I have merge your post to here so we can all respond to it.

I have to say hun your DP sounds as though he is bearing his head in the sand to me. I dont think he wants to deal with the fact that the VR failed. And to top things off he had an ex wife that is pregnant after making him have to V in the first place. That must play on his mind as it upsets you so much. 

And I can totally understand where your coming from, it cant be easy after the journey you have had! Infertility is a terrible thing to go through, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You are in no way a B*tch...... Just upset and bruised by infertility. 
Infertility puts a big strange on most relationships... Have you thought about counselling?? Might be a good idea seeing as things are not going so well. DH and I have had counselling after our 2 failed IVF, it helped ALOT! 
It made DH open up completely.... I was shock on just how upset and useless he felt... It was the same as I was feeling.

Men deal with situation differently to us! We all know that hun. 
I wish I had a magic answer for you.  

Natalie xxx


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## hbrodie

you know what, pygmy, I was thinkning of all the things I was gunna respond with and say but skybreeze has said them all   we obviously think alike.
Hun, you are not being selfish. You need support and you are not getting it from the very person you most need it from   please don;t ever blame yourself


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## pygmy1971

Thanks ladies.

Suggested counsellling, but he's not interested, he's probably worried his can of worms will be opened.
I'm booking an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, i definately need more professional help and guidance with what to do with my future.
I can feel myself slipping rapidly into a black hole, and i'm clinging on for dear life.

The one person i have in my life, the one who says he loves me to pieces, can't be there to catch me when i fall, or 'when the rain comes'. That's very hard to deal with  

Oh well...... onwards and upwards, let the battle commence!

Thanks again ladies, your support and words of wisdom are invaluable


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## ann_of_loxley

Am I allowed to think thats lifes a F**king joke because a 'friend' of mine (who doesn't seem to know when to stop talking aout her 'success') is pregnant with TWINS! - TWINS...and she _JUST_ had a baby last year! (this will make FIVE children for her) - and I know its completly horrible judgemental of me to further go on and think 'and she lives in a council house on benefits - neither parent working - well I hope she enjoys _her_ big family on our taxes when DH and I will probably never be able to afford any kind of fertility treatment'... yeah thats pretty horrible of me . I have nothing agains benefits (or concil houses for that matter) - especially as I come from a country (don't worry - you wouldn't _believe_ the amount of money I paid just to get my British citizenship - and DH _is _ British! lol) where you would be screwed otherwise if you did not have the income (I know many people take the system for granted, but I am glad it is there for those in need as we never know what our future will hold for us!). But sometimes it really feels like life is taking the widdles. Im a horrible person I know   - But why me? - When is it _*MY*_ turn?!

lol @ widdles! lol

These are my feelings and my 'sometime thoughts' that run through my head. I don't mean to offend anyone. It just feels like we try so hard and we are doing eveything we can as perfectly as we can and still no luck. I think I would personally find this easier if we have just not been successful yet - but top that with my handful of miscarriages and you have an ugly mix. Its rather depressing.


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## pygmy1971

ann_of_loxley

Your feelings are echoed...... i only have to get on the bus, which passes through the local council estate, and find myself swallowed up with envy as i see those who wouldn't know what tax was, either pregnant with number two or even three, or with new babes in prams.
Life's such a *****.

I'd love to conduct a survey..... treading on toes here...... i call them 'the Jeremy Kylers', you'll know what i mean if you've watched it...... i'd love to know statistically, how many of those who live on benefits/council homes etc have trouble conceiving. My DP reckons it's their laid back attitude that enables them to conceive so easily..... not a proven fact, just our observations.

Nothing against benefits (we are on Working Families Tax Credits), and nothing against those in council houses (i lived in one when my mum and dad got divorced, until my mum bought a new house...... and when i left my husband, i was greatful to receive a council house and Working Families Tax Credits while i was a working single mum). I think you know the 'stereotypes' i mean.

I have a great coping technique i use, especially in supermarkets. When i see a pregnant woman, as is always the case when i'm feeling crappy....... i now tell myself that maybe she's 'one of us'....
how do i know how long it took her to conceive?? She may have had to move hell and high water to have that precious bump.
It does work........ but not if the pregnant woman is 16!!!!!!!!
Or........ if it's the 'i hate kids, have a vasectomy' ex-wife with her 36FF boobs and perfectly round bump and glowing skin and glossy hair........ yes, i'm jealous, envious and most of all resentful and angry...... but hey, i've emotions, it shows i'm human  

Take it easy ladies...... deep calm breaths.......  

Right, the weather' pants again, so i suppose i should pop to the gym  

Can't wait to see my doctor, i need to start counselling a.s.a.p.

   for you ladies!!!


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## Skybreeze

New home this way ladies http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=203442.0

Natalie xxx


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