# Do you ever stop feeling winded when you see someone who is pregnant?



## Fordy girl (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi ya, 

Just wondered if you stop feeling winded when you see someone who is pregnant? Whenever I see someone, it's like someone has jabbed a knife into my heart and I can't breath. I keep thinking that at some point it will stop, but it's been ages and I still feel the same. I can't watch anything on TV with pregnant women in or with babies. Will this feeling ever go or do I just have to learn to deal with it?

Vicki x


----------



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Fordygirl - you're not on your own. It was my first day back at work today after m/c and 2 girls sat across from me are pregnant - bumps sticking out a mile. I can't bring myself to look at them. Went out at lunch and again pregnant women and babies at every turn. Even at home there's no escape on tv!! 

I'm not a jealous person but all this ivf is turning me into someone I don't recognize.

I can't say if or when these feelings will go but Hopefully we'll be joining the pregnancy club soon

Essie xx


----------



## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Don't think that feeling will ever go away completely, some days are worse than others!

We have decided to move onto adoption, which I am totally happy with as treatment was destroying me but hurts to know I will never experience pregnancy.

Good luck in your journeys ladies, hope we all get to be mummy's soon xx


----------



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Crazyroychick - just wanted to say good luck on your adoption journey. DH says we should consider it but feel I should give Ivf one more go before going down that route.  Just the thought of not ever experiencing pregnancy crushes me but I'd like to think I would consider adoption if it came to it. 

It takes a remarkable and special person to adopt.

All the best
Essie xx


----------



## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks EssieJean and so sorry to see what you have just been through we had a m/c on our first cycle and it was just so cruel to get your BFP and have it taken away again is just heartbreaking, big   

Good luck with your next cycle and really   you get the happy ending we all deserve so much xx


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

I totally know the feeling!  Total gut wrencher!  I've stopped watching certain programmes on TV - never watched "One Born Every Minute" it seems to be a right of passage for pregnant women... I'd rather pull out all of my own finger nails!!!  

Beans.x


----------



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Haha me to Beans- never watched it, never want to! 

Essie xx


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

I kinda think that even if I do get my happy ending I wont watch it!  

I also deleted my ******** page!  If I have to see another scan picture/pregnancy announcement/pregnancy or bump update/baby photo I think I might scream!  

Beans.x


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Fordy Girl


No your not unusual  Im very very lucky to be 36 weeks pregnant and i have still struggled to not have those feelings.  Going to my nct class and sitting there with 7 other pregnant woman, i have to remind myself that im also pregnant!  Its a very deep seated set of feelings and not something that changes over night. 


My work colleague told me she was pregnant last week, she joked around about how her boyfriend was a bit upset at how quitckly it happened, its still like a different world to me.  xxx


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

Yep, my work and friends (like all of us here!) are the same.  They literally just have to look at each other to conceive - even when they don't necessarily want to.

I find babies and young children in the IVF clinic really difficult too - particularly when I'm there to give my negative pg test bloods.  I know that the ladies there have been and/or continue to go through this same journey and are comrades not enemies - I just think its hard encountering babies anywhere!    But short of being a hermit........


----------



## emotional (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi Fordy girl,

I know exactly how you feel and it's awful! I still feel winded when someone announces their pregnant even though our second ICSI was successful and we are so lucky to have a beautiful healthy baby boy. I honestly thought it would change after I became pregnant and had my own baby and it did get a bit better but it has never completely gone away. 

For me I think the pain of infertility will never truly go away. It's easier, yes, but it's still there. 

Coweyes - people who are 'upset' by how quickly it happened really iritate me! I too know someone who said the same thing. I could of smacked them!! I didn't however and just politely said, " you should be very thankful for what you have and NEVER take it for granted". 

I wish you every luck on your journey. Sending you lots of baby dust xxx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

It never, ever goes away. I've got teenage twins but have had losses since then and the pain is still gut wrenching that no one else (except you girls) understand. Coweyes you're right it is a different world, people who conceive naturally absolutely amaze me! To me it's incredible that they have sex and get pregnant, that they chose when and if they conceive.... So, so odd and so far removed from our lives.   xx


----------



## Fordy girl (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi everyone, thank you for replying. 

My brother and his wife got pregnant really quickly and my mum said that I should feel sorry for them! Sometimes I just can't believe people who are supposed to be there for you. Needless to say, I didn't talk to her for about a year, it was what she needed to realise that she can't just come out with that sort of crap and what I needed too.

I must admit that I thought these feelings of sadness, jealousy, anger, dispare would start to ease but it doesn't seem to. 

Here's   that we get to be mummy's soon. 

Thank you for replying to my message. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings. I think that infertility has made me feel really alone and while I have a great DH, he doesn't always understand. It is a real comfort to know that if I need some help, or a hug that you are there.

 xx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Fordy, you also have to remember you have been through the most horrendous loss (I saw from your sig  ) so please go easy on yourself as you are still grieving. Families really don't seem to get it do they   my brother and his partner conceive at the drop of a hat.... Bought a new house to have a family in...pregnancy conceived the weekend they moved in , wanted a sibling for their little boy, came off the pill and were pregnant before they'd even started 'trying'   
Wishing you all the luck and love in the world xxx


----------



## keyno1 (Aug 30, 2009)

Hi Ladies
I work in retail and i am constantly being asked if we stock our maternity range , breaks my heart every time . Just a few weeks ago i was sat at my parents house my brother and his partner were there with their 2 boys , both my sisters who have a toddler each , later that evening my sister txt me and said that i was quiet earlier , i just dont think people get it . I was sat looking at all my siblings apart from another sister who is 21 thinking why me?  I am scared of the future , i look into it and see no children. It scares the hell out of me   
Bestwishes to everybody XXX


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I think its a really hard one.  I think its true that others dont understand, but how can they?  I really battle with the thoughts of being happy with what iv got.  Im just about to have my first baby after 6 years of trying and truely beginning to believe that it wasn't going to happen for us.  So what happens after iv had her, do i pursue having another or do i count my lucky stars?  I have 2 frozen embryos so we will use them at some point, but have already discussed and disided that we wouldn't   have another full cycle.  We need pgd so the odds are even more against us as well as being more expensive.


Where does it all stop? Sorry these are just my thoughts, so excuse the waffling!  Personally and this us just me i dont think we can compare ourselves against the general public who just want and have a baby.  Well i dont think i can compare myself anyway.  My work colleague who said that her boyfirend was a bit upset that it happened so easily, meant nothing by it shes a lovely lovely lady, im happy that she has not had to struggle like i have.  But iv also hit the jack pot, regardless of how i have got there, im having a baby!  I dont know it messes your mind up a bit. xx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Coweyes, I started txt 18 yrs ago, had last tx almost 3 yrs ago and I'm still on here   although I know I'll never have another baby I don't think I'll ever get over my infertility and the wanting of another baby    xx


----------



## sonyab1983 (Jan 2, 2013)

Hi Ladies,

Hope you don't mind me jumping in ....

I don't think the feeling will ever leave it breaks my heart everytime i see a pregnant woman or people on ** announcing they are pregnant, it hurts so bad that i cant even describe to my family. 3 weeks ago my best friend announced she is expecting, it absolutely broke my heart, i cried all night i couldn't speak to her and i still haven't, I'm happy for her of course, yet its killing me and people just do not understand what your going through, I'm sick of hearing, try not to think about it, it'll be you soon enough, maybe you think about it too much.. WTF?!?! After 9 years of trying what else can i think about!!!!

My ******** will be the next thing i delete from my life, as i just cant take it anymore....

EssieJean i was on another thread with you when you announced, and now have just seen your sad news, and just wanted to say how sorry i am.

I wish all you ladies every luck in the world


----------



## Fordy girl (Jan 4, 2011)

I have already given up on **, just can't cope with the scans and news if people's growing families, who don't seem to try hard and aren't actually that nice people who keep getting the things I am fighting so hard for. 

It terrifies me that I won't have children, well other than my angel babies. I just want to be a mum and I'm a good person, I don't know why it is so much to ask. It's making me really bitter and I hate to see that in me. I'm moving in March to a new town. We are massively down sizing to a one bad flat to try to save money. My DH made me laugh, he went to buy a new sofa and has bought the cream one. He said that its about the only thing that we haven't tried. We have made every decision in our lives around starting a family and maybe choosing things that wouldn't fit will be the thing that will change our luck. I'm not hopeful, but ill let you know if it works .Bless him, he came home really upset because when he was arranging the finance the guy asked if he had any dependants. It's strange the times when those feelings catch up with you.


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Isobel snow drop (cute name)


18 years wow.  Thats kind of my point.  My dh said to me several years ago having infertility problems is like a life style, basically what he meant was that it was something that we are going to have to learn to live with for the rest of our lives, regardless of if we are lucky to have a child or 2 or 3.  I kind of agree with with him, it has to be easier if your lucky enough to have a child or several but i think it does always set you slightly aside from others.  A fundermental aspect of your life just isnt as easily achievable as others.  Hope that makes seance


I have a feeling that after i have had the baby everyone is going to think, that the whole infertility road is over for us.  That its no longer a problem that they can have babies and its a huge struggle for us! Mmmm we will see   


Regarding **, omg iv read some terrible things on there before and for several years i stopped going on it.  There is a function where you can stop peoples news feeds.  So if someone announces their pregnant and your worried your going to see all their scan photos, you can press this button to stop it.  I dont know much about it but my dh knows so i can ask him if you like.  ** really messed with my head and i became quite anger and cross with the world, i also because quite obsessive about it and about certain peoples posts, to the point that i closed my account, which was the best thing i could have done at the time.  xxx


----------



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi S*onyab1983* - thank you  I'm back at work now, 2nd day, walking around zombified and trying to dodge the expectant tummies 

Sorry for lack of personals - off my lunch break now, but I totally agree and sympathise with everyone of you.

Wish everyone all the luck in the world for the future, wherever the road takes you.

Essie xx


----------



## canadagirl (Nov 4, 2011)

Just another variation on this theme is all of your TTC friends who get babies (one way or another) and you are the one left with nothing.  
I have been very good with pregnant ladies at work, on the street etc. as I had friends who knew what it was like for me.  Now the last childless one of them has just been matched for adoption with 2 babies (full siblings) under 2 years old which all going well she will have before her summer birthday.  This information, after my initial euphoria and joy for my friend, turned out to be the most painful thing for me.  It also took me completely by surprise.  All my old anger at my situation, and my DH resurfaced.  DH refused to entertain adoption as an option and so I know that this will never be my happiness.
  

I just wasn't prepared for being the last childless one of us.


----------



## CC_Lee (Nov 8, 2012)

We went to see our new GP yesterday (we have moved house) to bring them up to speed on our treatment and what we're doing with supplements, DHEA etc, and BOOM went into the room to be faced with her bump. I know she can't help it and hey maybe just maybe that's an IVF bump but it still hurts so much. What I don't understand is why bumps are so much harder to deal with than babies??!


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

Re ******** - yeah I found the "unsubscribe" button which means that you are sytill friends with people but heir updates don't show in your news feed.  It worked for a while but it doesn't stop me seeing my friends comments and "likes" on other people's scans.  Found myself snooping and being jealous of complete strangers   that and the fact that often its my closest friends having the babies and if I don't comment and "like" I just look bitter (which I am of course!!)

I totally agree, the turning into the bitter, jealous person is the worst of it.  Distancing myself from pregnant friends (starting to run out of friends now!  lol!) my heart stops everytime I get a text from a friend who I haven't spoken to in a while as, 9 times out of 10 its a text to share their good news!

Aaargh!

Beans.x


----------



## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Hello ladies, hope you don't mind me jumping in too!  So sorry we're all feeling like this   

It is total torture as you all say, and although it would be lovely if none of us were in this situation, it does help to know that others are feeling the same way I do!  I think sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with all the thoughts in my head ^idiot.  

I used to be so happy and excited for my friends and their announcements but now it's torture and I feel I just can't be one hundred percent happy around them anymore because my heart is breaking   Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them but just so sad for us at the same time!  My friends have had around 30 children between them during the last 13 years with six more on the way in the next couple of months, one best friend due the week we should have been.  The ones I am finding the hardest though are my sister and sister in law!  My sister announced her 'accidental' news the night before our egg collection this time, when we had been told they wanted to cancel our treatment and wouldn't offer us anymore!  I just can't get my head around why she thought this was the best day out of the thirteen weeks to tell us.  I think I'm finding it difficult because it wasn't planned and I know her bf didn't want a baby and we have been desperately trying for what seems like a lifetime!  I know my sister and sister in law don't understand why we have been so upset on this journey and just don't get how hard it is for us anyway asides their pregnancies.  

Like you all say, this journey has turned me into someone I don't recognise anymore.  I feel dreadful for not being so excited for my sister, but the thought of seeing her with her bump is killing me and I don't know how I can be part of it at the moment, although I know I will.  I know my parents are devastated for us but so excited for her and no-one seems to have realised that whenever her baby celebrates a birthday, our baby, who would have been born just before hers, won't be   I really want to be happy for her and part of her exciting journey but I just don't know how to at the moment. I know this will change though once we have got over our negative result and I know if things were the other way round I would give her space and time to come to terms with everything.  I seem to avoid all my pregnant friends too (although we do still speak regularly) which makes me sad as I feel I don't even have a life anymore but how can you be part of all the baby banter when you don't have one?!

It does seem it happens to everyone else around you, except you.  Even my acupuncturist text me last week to say she is too!!! Who next...?!

So yes, you're all right, it's everywhere... friends, family, television, adverts, ********, and it all hurts so much! I'm sorry I don't have advice on how to handle it, seen as I don't cope very well with it all myself    but I do hope at some point the pain begins to lessen a little.  I am so sorry to read of everyone's heartache and I really hope we all don't have to endure this heart breaking journey for much longer.  I wish you all lots of love and luck on your journeys and hope that one day it is us announcing our happily ever afters to the world..... I by God will I shout it!!! Love and hugs to you all, Emma   xxx


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

Hey Emma

You are soooo not alone feeling like this.  big hug.  I can imagine that your sister's pregnancy is like torture for you.  I am in the "fortunate" position that my sister has no children, and while she is not single, children are not on the agenda - mayb eone day but not at the moment.  My brother in law is the eternal bachelor as well so there is no sign of any other little ones in teh family - yet!  That make sme feel sad too - surely both our parents deserve to have grand children, what if we are their only chance and my stupid body wont work!

I know a woman who is going through all of this whose brother and partner had a baby weeks before the (first) one she lost would have been due.  She says it is really hard but that she really loves her little nephew, and adores being his Auntie.  Perhaps this wll be the same for you.  I know it doesn't make it better or make you feel better about your situation but maybe it will turn out to be a new kind feeling which can be good  

Beans.x


----------



## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Beans, thank you for your message.  I do hope I might feel like that when the time comes.  I have loved being fake 'aunty Em' to all my friends' babies so hopefully this will be the case for my sister.  Maybe everything is just too raw at the moment and I need to give it time.  I think it was just a shock, as like your sister, I didn't think it was on the cards for her, they like their partying too much!!  And the timing hasn't helped but I guess with several friends due around then too, what's one more?!!  Still makes me sad though   but thank you so much for your message and help.  So sorry to read your journey so far too!  It does suck doesn't it?!  I wish you lots of luck on your next steps and hope you have your happy news very soon   xxx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

We are staying with my husbands sister for a couple of days and guess what... She's pregnant! She hasn't said anything but came in the bedroom today with her trousers unfastened and a protruding belly (skinny everywhere else) !


----------



## knickerbockerglory (Aug 10, 2011)

Hi ladies
just thought I'd let you know about my own experiences, whilst my head tells me I'm being irrational, the heart works another way.........

I have a friend who had to have IVF and on her first tx got pregnant. this was years ago before me and DH were TTC so I was a bit oblivious to it all at the time. fast forward to 2012 and she and DH decide to try for a sibling and embark on round 2 of IVF. of course this time round I've already had one failed cycle and thinking about cycle no 2 so we are now TX friends as well as actual friends. anyway my friends second TX was successful. and when she told me, my first thought wasnt 'oh I'm so pleased, they have had a hard time over the last few years and I can appreciate how hard IVF is' oh no, my first thoughts were that they'd had it easy, 2 TX and both successfull, I just felt horribly, horribly jealous. and then very upset with myself for feeling that way 

Nicxxx


----------



## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi ladies,

I know exactly how you all feel!! Up until I had my laparoscopy last year I wasn't really bothered by pregnant ladies, it hurt a little but that soon faded. I thought I was OK with the results of the surgery saying we would never conceive naturally and we were in our own little bubble and then my friend/colleague at work announced she had decided she was going to try for a baby...cue endless conversations about how easily she would get pregnant and even one comment made infront of me about natural selection (she is aware of my situation)   wow!! Of course she got pregnant very quickly and decided to tell me via a ******** message whilst I was on honeymoon...that really hurt!! When I returned to work all she seemed to do was moan about how sick she felt and every conversation seemed to be about her pregnancy, although I think I was picking up on little things too much! I felt very bitter about it at first (feel like such a bad person!) but I started to feel a bit better as I went back to my bubble once we started our first cycle and then a couple of days after it was cancelled I recieved a call from my brother, who I haven't ever really had a good relationship with, called me with 'your going to be an auntie' ... I felt sick to my stomach and couldn't stop crying!! He actually said when me and DH got engaged....'well you 2 may be getting married first but I will make sure we have a baby first'     We had already been trying for a long time, longer than they had even been together! And having a baby would be so precious to me and my husband I would never see it as a competition with anyone!! I wanted to punch him!! It is so awful but I don't want to hear about their pregnancy still, I feel like such a bad person but I feel like I need to preserve the little sanity I have left. I seem to just be getting worse though as I can't bear to see any pregnancy ladies bumps, I feel sick and my head starts spinning!! 

Thank you to all the ladies who have written on here as you have made me see I am not an awful person, it is a natural feeling when we have all been through so much! These things are sent to try us   to all xx


----------



## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

After reading more and more of these posts, it's so sad (but comforting) to hear we are all in such a difficult place and I realise too, it's not that we are bad people (as we all seem to think this of ourselves), it's the total opposite really.  Every time someone close announces their news, it adds to our heart ache, which I think is only natural.  It's not that we don't want anyone else to have a baby, it's more, why can't that be us too?!  When we are all hurting so much and having to go through so much just to even get to the point of a positive test, then it takes every ounce of our being to just stay afloat, so we try to protect ourselves in any which way we can, just to keep going!  So if this means keeping our distance then I think maybe that's right to look after ourselves and other people need to realise the hell we go through every day and accept this is how it has to be for a while    And that this doesn't make us bad people as we are happy for them, just sad for ourselves.  So I just want to send all you lovely ladies a big hug   and to say I'm so sorry that we are all hurting so much!!! I hope we can all have happiness soon.  Lots of love and luck on your journeys, Emma xxx


----------



## Beans25 (Feb 15, 2013)

[/b]Emma[/b] Hang in there. It's so hard I know and I really hope that your family learn to be sensitive to your situation. Nobody who hasn't gone through this knows exactly the extent of the pain and misery we go through.

Everyone, I have often struggled with feelings of self loathing. I am truly ashamed to admit someting that happened a couple of months ago. A friend of mine text me with the headline "news" my heart sank as I have become all too familiar with the content of the "news" as it's always a pregnancy announcement. I was right in this case too - sort of. She had text to say she had had a miscarriage. I am thoroughly, thoroughly ashamed to admit that for a split second, and it was just a split second, I felt relief. Relief that I wouldn't have to send a gushing congratulations text despite feeling like I had been stabbed in the heart, and then either suffer htroguh seeing her grow her baby or avoid her for the next 9 months. Having had my own loss I hate myself for feeling that, even if just for a split second. But I know that that is not the person that I truly am - its this horrible affliction that has done it to me. After the last friend's announcement I decided, like someone has already said, that I have to distance myself. I know they might not understand how I am feeling but I hope that they will appreciate and respect that I am being honest when I say that I just cannot handle being around them at the moment - nothing personal but I have to look after myself. I was always taught that unless you can say something nice, then you shouldn't say anything at all and with some of my friends at the moment I really can't think of anything nice to say. All I want to shout is THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!

Beans.x


----------



## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Beans,    I don't think you should beat yourself up for thinking like that!  We are only human and you will know deep down that if things were different with your situation, then that split second thought wouldn't have entered your mind at all.  You shouldn't hate yourself for it and I see where you're coming from as like I said above, I too am ashamed at how I've been feeling with regards to my sister's pregnancy.  I am usually so happy for others but I can honestly (and shamefully) say that I am not feeling overjoyed for her right now.  That's a terrible to thing to say about my own sister but deep down I know that's not the 'normal' me talking!  It's this other part of me, the angry bitter part, that some of me seems to have become because of our journey. I know this would not be how I would react at all had we not been going through this nightmare!  I'm not religious but I hope I will be forgiven for not being so thrilled for her.  I know, or at least I hope, that these thoughts won't last and are just because of our circumstances at this moment and her 'accidental' circumstances.  I hope in time I can become the happiest sister to her, as deep down I really really want that and I know I would be ecstatic for her if it wasn't for our recent heartbreak!  This infertility does turn us into people we don't recognise, if only it didn't.  Anyway, you're right this is so unfair!!!  And you have got to look after yourself, it's the only way to keep sane!  Take care, lots of love Emma   xxx


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I honestly dont think that what ever you think is a problem!  Its totally normal to feel angry, bitter and as if you diserve it more   .  Also you dont have any control over what you think.  The crunch of it all is how you act, and its the actions that affect others.  Yes its very hard but if your able to remain gracefull then people will have a lot of resppect for you.  Also it is someone elses moment and you hope byond hope that if your lucky enough to get pregnant others will be estatic for you.


I am lucky enough to experienc this.  Its taken me and my dh 6 years to become pregnant, watching friends and family have one child then then next, my sil has had 3   , all 5 and under!  Our last treatment worked and im just about to have a baby girl, everyone has been so so pleased for me and im glad that i have managed to maintain friendships that at the time have appeared very difficult due to them being pregnant or having a young child.  


Also even though it is lovely for someone to announce their expecting i do think we put ourselves under a hell of a lot of pressure to say the right thing back.  Well and truethally all they want to hear is "congratulations".  xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Congratulations Coweyes, that's lovely news!!  Good luck with the big day and the safe arrival of your little girl!     

You're right about remaining graceful.  I think I have tried to remain as graceful as I can, as I always congratulate others and say how thrilled I am for their news and I don't make it known to them how much I'm hurting inside.  It is only recently and since our loss that I have found I have to take a back seat physically.  I can't have that level of enthusiasm or involvement with their pregnancies/newborns, like I used to have with them all in the past, however, I am supportive to them from a distance and I hope they all know how happy I am for them.  I will be involved with my sister at some point soon, I think just the way she announced it hurt and her timing wasn't the best but once I've got through this grief things will be ok.  It's only on here that I can let my true feelings out and actually say how much it hurts and admit this is why I have to keep a distance, but I wouldn't directly tell my sister or friends that this was the case.  I think, well hope, they understand how hard things have been since our loss, and to be honest, I think they are also accepting of this and they too are happy to have a distant friendship for now.  I hope that makes sense   and I didn't come across as some horror of a friend lol 

Anyway, wishing you much love and happiness with your soon to be new arrival and congratulations!   xxxxxxx


----------

