# How do I cope with this.



## Heartbroken (Feb 11, 2016)

My step daughter just announced she is pregnant. I can't stop crying. It physically hurts to even think about. My husband and I have been ttc for 3 years. We have unexplained infertility. Not eligible for IVF on the NHS as he has a child., and private is well outside of our reach. I'm too old for egg donating at 32. 

I can't talk to him about this as he is so happy about being a grandad. Asking me to pick out baby items and what he wants to buy. I cry in private so he doesn't have to see it. Now I don't know what to do or if I can get past this.


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## Calluna (Jun 14, 2012)

Hi,

I've just become a step-grandma before managing to become a mum. I find it helps to look at it as if you were looking back from the future, when you will hopefully have completed your own family. When this whole infertility nightmare is over and I have my babies, I wouldn't want to look back and think that I missed out on sharing in their joy because I was too wrapped up in my own sadness and worries. So I tell myself it will work for us in the end and it frees me to be happy for them now. It's particularly ironic that they have chosen the name we wanted to use if we have that sex. I'm sure if I let myself look at the whole situation a certain way I could become very bitter!

Do speak to your husband though so he understands the full-on baby shopping is hard for you. 

At 32, you still have time and options. I always find having a plan helps to drag me out of the dark days. Not sure if it might have changed but when I was there, the London Womens Clinic accepted egg donors up to 35 so you could look into that.

Good luck x


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

You can still donate up until age of 35


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## Wishings15 (Mar 27, 2015)

Yeah my clinic is 35 as well, I found it so hard when my best friend turned pregnant at the beginning, but now she's 5 months something has changed. I had my own space for a while and I don't know what happened I just became happy for her and less bitter, 

I'm still sad about my own fertility but I don't know it something clicked and I realised that if my ivf is unsuccessful I would always adopt and she'd be the first one there for me, so I should be there for her not making it all about me. Don't get me wrong seeing a few things still get to me like clothes and when she rubs her bump but she can't help it x


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hi,

My DH had a daughter from a previous marriage but as she was over 18, we still got approved for 3 rounds of treatment. I completely understand your unhappiness as I used to obsess over whether my DH would be a grandad before he became a dad again. 

If your DH's daughter is expecting her own baby, am I to assume she's over 18 (not that that is always the case) or does he have younger children also?

Worth checking with your local authority. I'm based in Ipswich and that was the rules here.

Good luck,

Dee


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Have you thought about going aboard for treatment? Have a look at Reprofit in the Czech Republic. xx


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## Caan (May 24, 2010)

Are you in the U.K? Look at egg share at the CARE clinics.

Good Luckxxx


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