# How can life possibly continue to get worse



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Honestly, sometimes I have to remind myself that I am so lucky. I have so much to be happy and grateful for.  There are millions of poor people who genuinely have to deal with so much more than me.

That said though, I'm struggling  

I thought that it couldn't get much worse when I miscarried our little babies (or baby). It was so early, at just 5-6 weeks they were barely there, but I loved them and they were all that I have ever wanted.

During this time, my marriage collapsed under the pressure. We were just getting back on our feet when my mother in law sent me a horrible text meant for a friend.  It had terrible, very personal, things about me that could only have come from my DH.  The backbone of it was that my 'miscarriage' (her quote) was a ruse to have a power trip and ruin my DH's life and make him abandon his children  

So, a week later, and we are in a very bad place.  We joked that it couldn't get worse.... Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I popped into the clinic for some tests and am now waiting on the results of an ovarian cancer test.

My whole world is falling apart.  All I want to do is try again and start our next cycle but it just keeps on getting further away and even more improbable.  I can't imagine a future without this though.

Feeling pretty sorry for myself, with a DH that just wants to bury his head


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## rory2011 (May 31, 2011)

Big hugs Molly.   
I hope your test results come back soon and are clear.


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## Hopeful15 (Oct 8, 2010)

On my 12th pregnancy (no babies) I was rushed in to hospital with an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, I was close to death. While I was in hospital my partner left me, things were strained after all we had been through and I don't think he could cope with anymore and the thought of what it would be like getting through this. 
I knew I had to do something drastic, long story short, after being in deep depression for a year I decided enough was enough.
I shut my business, sold my house, relocated 100 miles and went through ivf using a friend as a donor. I now have a 17 month old son.
What I'm trying to say is even when you think you can't carry on and you are rock bottom, time is a great healer, AND.......... Never underestimate the female species, especially ones that have been through losses like most people on here. So watch out those who are evil to us because one day we will feel better and we will kick your ass!!
The very best of luck. Xxx


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## gemmadobson (Oct 7, 2013)

Aww hun,

After reading your post I just want to end you big hugs   Ive had an ectopic so feel your pain for your loss.  As if you don't beat yourself up enough without the dragon of a MIL sticking her nose in!.  It must be hard knowing that you DH has confided in his mum and hearing some of the things he may of said, I would feel hurt too if my DP had broken the trust in this way, he is also one for burring his head rather than dealing with his emotions, they don't realise the pain we feel and the emotional journey of the IVF process to begin with let alone the loss.

Big hugs to you and good luck with the tests, keep us updated chick
xxx


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## Flips (Jul 12, 2012)

AllI can do is send you a massive hug Molly.Thinking of you x


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hey Molly

During the last year we have found out about our male factor fertility issues, I was made redundant, I had a cancer scare, we have had two chemical pregnancies and now we find out I also have issues.

I want to be able to tell you that things get better, I want to be able to tell myself that things will get better but honestly I don't know if that is true!

I think the only thing we can do is put 2013 away as a bad year and move on into 2014 afresh!

This post hasn't really helped has it?

Okay I'm sending you a big hug hopefully that will help in some small way to know your ff are all here for you!

Pudding
X


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Molly, I remember you posting about that witch in the 'IVF clangers' thread and my heart goes out to you.

There is also a thread on here specifically for relationship support, it's hidden so you can vent as much as you like. What exactly is your DH doing to show he's not being supportive of you? It's tough that you are suffering so much and your DH cannot show you more support.
Do remember that men show their feelings in different ways than women do, and he may well be suffering in silence... Also I have found that for men, a pregnancy becomes 'real' much later than for women, in some cases it is a totally abstract concept until they hold an actual baby in their arms.
I am just saying this because I've experienced it with my co-parent, but on the other hand my father and my DP are the other category of men, who do empathise with pregnancy and unborn babies a lot more.

You are still raw and grieving, I was in a dark place for at least 3 months after my last m/c, which I went through as a single woman. I found the help from this forum an enormous support, as friends/partners/relatives cannot always relate to how you're feeling.

And now you are worried about a cancer scare on top of it all, that is just terrible. Who is your biggest support at this time? Your mum, a friend, someone else? Try not to expect anything from your DH if he is unable to give it at this point in time, you will just feel like you're ramming your head into a wall. Look after yourself and let yourself be looked after.
If your clinic offers free counseling as part of their service, do take full advantage and talk to someone trained and neutral, often this can help you see things from a less gloomy perspective.

Write down that text from your MIL and BURN it. She is bitter and twisted but that's not your problem. Focus on yourself and things you can do to feel a bit better in this situation.

If it helps at all, I have a cousin who had 2 healthy children after cancer treatment, so even if you get a worrying diagnosis it doesn't have to be the end of your baby dreams.

I love what Hopeful15 says above, she also managed to dig herself out of a dark hole and so will you! xoxoxox


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Molly, I'm so sorry to hear your pain. Life can throw an awful lot at us sometimes, it's like juggling balls but sometimes circumstance/someone throws another one or two in and we end up dropping the ones we'd juggled successfully for so long. It never means that we can't pick those balls back up when we're ready though. I know how hard it can be when your husband is not supportive as mine has been dreadful throughout this whole process.  I hope you can take strength from the words of the others on here and sincerely hope you have good results from your tests. You can do without something else in the mix, hopefully though you will be helped along the way with the knowledge that even the worst case scenario can have a happy ending.  Personally I am extremely grateful that you have shared;  it has reinforced that I am not alone and my reading your post has given me the opportunity to read Hopefuls story,  I need to get me some of her gusto and positivity.  Knowing somebody has done what I fear I may have to consider and the positivity that has brought her has given me strength. So thanks Hopeful I think you're amazing!! And good luck Molly, our love and thoughts are with you. Out of interest does anyone have the link to the relationship thread?  Have a feeling I'm going to need it!   xxx


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## Jupiter2 (Jan 22, 2011)

Hopeful15 said:


> On my 12th pregnancy (no babies) I was rushed in to hospital with an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured, I was close to death. While I was in hospital my partner left me, things were strained after all we had been through and I don't think he could cope with anymore and the thought of what it would be like getting through this.
> I knew I had to do something drastic, long story short, after being in deep depression for a year I decided enough was enough.
> I shut my business, sold my house, relocated 100 miles and went through ivf using a friend as a donor. I now have a 17 month old son.
> What I'm trying to say is even when you think you can't carry on and you are rock bottom, time is a great healer, AND.......... Never underestimate the female species, especially ones that have been through losses like most people on here. So watch out those who are evil to us because one day we will feel better and we will kick your ass!!
> The very best of luck. Xxx


You ROCK!!!


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