# Sad and Lonely



## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Hi everyone I'm new,
I'm sorry to be so downbeat but I don't know what to do anymore. I am 25 and my husband (35) and I have been TTC for nearly 4 years, after having very irregular periods fro 18 months I plucked up the courage to see my GP I was diagnosed with PCOS and referred to the fertility clinic at my local hospital where I was basically told it was because I'm overweight ( I have always struggled with my weight even though I eat healthy and go to the gym 5 times a week) the consultant didn't seem to believe me when I told him this though. At first he told me to go away and lose a stone then come back after nearly begging him for help he agreed to put me on a course of Metformin but told me it probably wont work. After taking it for 6 months it did regulate my periods but still nothing has happened. I am terrified to go back to the Dr's after last time, I went away feeling like not being able to conceive was my fault for being overweight. Now my whole life has been taken over by feeling depressed about it, I come home from work and cry for hours, I cant sleep at night, I avoid seeing my friends because I'm petrified one will talk about babies or tell me that they are expecting, I feel sick everyday from feeling so sad and its just getting worse. I haven't even told my friends or family about whats happening because I just cant bring myself to say the words. My husband is amazing but he doesn't really know how to help and just hates seeing me upset all the time. He has children from a previous relationship and am starting to feel like a burden to him (after all who wants to live with a wife that crys all the time!) I miss the fun we used to have. I feel like I want to talk to somebody but I don't think anybody will understand and my Dr was no help. I feel so lonely.


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

Emma  

So sorry to hear what you are going through but glad you have decided to join FF, this place is full of kind supportive and understanding people.

You must not blame yourself for anything, life can be pretty rubbish and dish crap out to those least deserving of it but we have no other option than to keep battling through it.

I know your scared to go back to your GP but it may be the only way that you will be able to move forward with ttc, you need to tell them just how this is making you feel, how low and sad you are and how it's consuming you.  Is it an option to possibly look at private tx to help (just a second opinion on what they advise?)

You don't need to apologise for being downbeat, if it makes a fraction of a difference to how you are feeling to get it off your chest, then it's worth it. x x


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## Sarah1712 (Mar 6, 2011)

Emma first and foremost, take a breathe and compose yourself. You arent the only one who has felt like this and most certainly wont be the last. I too am mid twenties and my partner is 29. I am overweight too, in fact my BMI is 40 so classified obese. You have to remember that pcos does obstruct you from losing weight at the rate of a pcos free person BUT it can be done. I do not have it but know of people that have. In my research that i have been doing over the months, i have come to realise that being overweight, in your pcos situation will restrict you being able to fall pregnant naturally and so losing a little will most definately help. They say 5% will start to make a difference. Plus in being overweight there is a higher risk of mis-carriage and of course a higher risk to the mother. As for feeling like a burden, of course you arent you are just going through an emotional time at the moment. We have just had our first failed IVF and i too feel a little down. But chick if you are going to face the IVF world you will need to get strong and tough coz believe me it is a rollercoaster of emotions and you cant afford to stumble at the first hurdle. My advice to you would be to get in the know, research, Zita West does some great fertility books. This will empower you to feel confident when seeing GP's for example. As for their reactions and responses, well you pay your national insurance and so if your not happy with the service move to another doctors, you are entitled to. But you need to get the ball rolling because IVF on the NHS takes quite sometime eapecially if you have weight to lose too. I have 4 stone to lose if i want NHS help, which is far off so i went private for my first treatment and may well do the same for the second once we save a few pennies.
I hope my being quite frank hasnt offended you but i wish someone had been like this with me in the beginning of the journey.
Sending you lots of BIG  

Sarah x


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## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Lisa, thank you for your reply, I'm amazed I actually feel a bit better for writing it all down, wish I was brave enough to talk to people face to face. I know I have to go back to my Dr's just didn't seem to get anywhere with them last time and they seemed reluctant to help blaming it on my weight (I'm really not that overweight and I am healthy-surely thats more important!). I have been thinking about going private to see if I get on any better so thank you for the suggestion! 
Sarah, that was a bit of a slap in the face but maybe thats what I need, I don't by any means think I am the only person that feels like this but I find it really hard to talk about it so keeping it all in is making me feel worse. I think I need to sort out the way I'm feeling because I want to tackle things with a positive attitude and enjoy my life again as they way I feel now, I know is not helping matters at all. I think your right Sarah about reading up because I feel like I want to plan out the steps we need to take the go back to the Dr's armed with the information I need. I also worry how much help we will get on the NHS because my husband already has children..any ideas on this?
Anyway thank you for letting me share and replying. xx


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## Jelly.B (Sep 27, 2011)

Hi Emma, just wanted to say welcome to ff  
you will get loads of support here, and you can ask anything you want, and hopefully you get some answers. So sorry you have been feeling down, but yes, you are not alone, never feel like that. I would advice you to go back to your doctor and talk to him again, and dont leave until you have your answers. I am swedish but have been in this country for over 10years, and I must say I have never come across healthcare being so difficult as its like in this country. You have to fight to get anywhere. We swedes thinks it all should just be availible there and then  
I have a brill doc at surgery but didnt really get my questions answered so went to a private fertility clinic straight away... I then decided to just go with that, pay up and not wait for NHS  fund, I am not very good waiting for things, and trust me, ivf, icsi, any fertility tests and so on, is all a waiting game.. you just have to get used to it. With some fertility clinics you can get first pre app free for a chat.. maybe check this out in your area??
Maybe see your doc again, if you are not happy then, maybe change clinics.... or check priavte fertility clinics out straight away. When it comes to NHS funding, its rather unlikely you will get any of your partner has kids from a previous relationship.. well you wouldnt have got any help in my area but I am no expert on this. 
Even tho I am doing this privately, I did have all my bloodtests and HIV, chlamydia, you name it, on the nhs, saved me a great deal of money.
Always here to talk   and when you get some questions answered, you will start feeling better, takes time, but once you move forward, getting this sorted it will become a lot easier, even exciting hun  
xxxxxxxxx


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

No problem Emma and I'm so glad that you feel a little bit of a relief for just coming here and writing it down. 

Yes it's true that you are not the only person in the world who feels like this but I do believe that when you are going though it, you might aswell be especially if you have nobody to chat to and off load to about it all.  The thought that others are in the same boat doesn't seem to lighten the load when you so desperately want your baby.

I'm not sure if you would get funding for any treatment but it might not necessarily come to that, if you do a lot of research on PCOS and I know as a sufferer of PCOS that it is blummin hard to lose weight, my BMI is just under 27 so I'm not too much overweight but getting it to that 25 mark is a massive battle, you might find other ways and things to help.  To be honest though, iv never really investigated getting pregnant naturally with having PCOS because my husband is our main reason for having ICSI.

TTC totally consumes your life and it's hard to even think about what to do next sometimes but I would do loads of researching online, make notes and then go armed with them to your GP or like one of the other ladies suggested, seek out a new surgery and make them listen, it's not something they should shrug off.

Also a good idea that was mentioned is to see if you can get a free initial consultation at a private clinic just to see what they think, their thoughts about what they would advise and maybe take it from there?

Just keep chatting on here and you will also get loads of info on here too, there is a PCOS section too which might be worth a look.  Sounds like you need a good old   and hopefully once you start getting some info together, you might be able to turn some of your thoughts to positive ones! x


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## Sarah1712 (Mar 6, 2011)

Emma- yes it was a little harsh, didnt mean it to sound so harsh. As for not being the only one whos been through it, i meant you arent a lone even though it might feel like you are. And when i said about getting tough, i merely meant that this is one thing ive learnt! Sorry not making sense! I really do feel for you, i found one trustworthy friend and confided in her and then decided that i didnt care who knew. And regarding private treatment, here is a great place to find clinic recommendations. Perhaps look for a pcos specialised clinic if possible. Theres nothing to lose from having a few consultations to see what clinic feels good for you.
NHS treatment varies where you love. Im in Suffolk and we would be entitled to 3 icsi attempts as long as we have no children together which we dont. You need to check with your local pct. the other requirements are a bmi of 30 or below and non smoker.


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## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Welcome to FF EmmaD23! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship. It helped me a great deal throughout my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help.

   You are not alone now you have found FF.

Here are some links I think you may find helpful

PCOS
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0

We have a private weight loss board....to join go to your PROFILE then GROUP MEMBERSHIP and request access.

We have a live chat room where you can meet other members, take part in themed chat events and gain a wealth of information from people who are or have been dealing with infertility. New member chat is at 8pm on Wednesday, where we can introduce you to other members, show you around the chat room and help with any queries you may have both in the chat room and on the boards. Please take a look at the calendar and of course our Chat Zone: click here
Chat room: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?action=chat

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support and information.

Best of luck!









pinkcat


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## HCDC123 (Dec 22, 2011)

Hi Emma,

I've had a similar experience at doctors. I too have PCOS and when I went to see my doctor she sent me away to lose weight. I did go away and lose a stone but when I went back the doctor I saw made me feel like that was hardly anything! She said "OK, you've lost a bit but you still need to lose more before we'll treat you for anything." I couldn't believe it as I have never thought of myself as fat. I'm a size 14, and although a little bit cuddly, I'm curvy and always was happy with my figure. I'm healthy too so couldn't see the issue. Well I was devastated after this and couldn't really see myself getting down to 10 stone (to be correct BMI) and I felt a bit hopeless. A friend of mine recommended that I get a second opinion so I changed my doctor 1 month ago. 
The BEST thing I could have done! The new surgery are brilliant. I explained on my new patient health check to the nurse and she made sure I was with the best doctor for that kind of thing. I have now had ultrasound, bloods and today they referred me to the fertility clinic. I asked if my weight was a problem and she said not to worry. Yes my BMI is overweight but I am trying and a lot of practitioners think BMI is a load of rubbish anyway. 

After 14 months of TTC and no support I now feel looked after and feel like this might actually be going somewhere. 

So I really recommend that you change doctor. There's a link on here somewhere to an article that said that some trusts are denying treatment based on age, and weight just to save money. Worth a read if you can find it.

Keep in touch and very best of luck.

Holly xx


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## jomm (Dec 22, 2011)

Hi emma, I had a bad experience with my gp too earlier this year, not the same thing but she called me a "wreck" when I was trying to get over a M/C. I just started seeing a different doctor at the same surgery after this and the difference is incredible. I feel like she genuinely cares. So just to say, perhaps try a couple of different doctors at your surgery as this might be easier than going somewhere else and if that doesn't work you can try somewhere new. Take care, Jo xx


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## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Thank you everyone for your replies..I hope everyone had a good Xmas. I cannot believe how many problems people have with they're Dr's - Jo thats so horrible at such a sad time I'm glad you found someone nice in the end. 

My GP was fine (she is a woman so I think this helped) but she referred me to the fertility clinic and it was the consultant there that was the problem. There is only 1 fertility clinic in Cornwall (as far as I know) does anyone know if I could get an appointment to a clinic if I live about 2 hours away or do you have to live within a certain area? 

Again thank you again for all of your replies- I cant believe how much it helps just writing this stuff down. 
xx


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## scarah (Jan 30, 2011)

Hi Emma,

I am new on here and have just read your post on here.

My heart goes out to you at this very hard time but you have to move on from this as it is the only way and it will be a positive step in the right direction.Times are hard but if you really want this then you need to be strong and brave and get back to your gp and if so request a second opinion.I do think gp's can be very unsympathetic with regards to infertiltiy. 
Have a good chat with your husband and I am sure he would go along with you for emotional support. I also think you should share all of this with your mum. If you have a good relationship with her it will be beneficial to you to tell her.
Try to be positive about things and don't let it beat you. Keep smiling as there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you and let me know how it all goes.

Sarah B x


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## jomm (Dec 22, 2011)

Hi emma,

I'm based in the south west too but in Devon. There is a south west group that on FF so people on there should be able to give you some advice. Plymouth seems to be ok from what people were saying and I went to Exeter and they were nice. I'm just about to start at Bristol - giving myself a 4 hour round trip but I felt I just needed a change. So perhaps ring a couple of clinics and go to see them (I went to an open evening at Bristol), and see what you think. Don't feel stuck if you don't like your nearest one.

hope that helps,
jo xx


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## piggy22 (Jan 6, 2012)

hi emma, im new here too. I can really relate to how you feel  I too keep getting told to loose weight cos i may be PCOS. loosing weight is hard enough without all the painful stress and strain of wanting a baby so badly and going through this whole awful ordeal. Especially when people around me and constantly falling PG or talking about babies and so many people i know what have babies weight way more than me! I defo agree that loosing weight helps with the managment of PCOS and makes treatmens more likely to work but i understand it can be difficult. Ive joined weightwatchers online and would defo suggest it. Ive lost 1 1/1 stone  and find it to be an excellent tool for weight loss and so longs as you eat within your points allowance your guranteed to loose weight. Friends also say slimmingworld is excellent but ive never tried it. maybe its something to consider. Also see if your partner will diet with you, it helped me so much. Gave me that extra bit of support and encouragement. I wish you all the best, pm me if you want to chat x


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## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Hi Girlies,

Thank you all for your replies, joining this site has helped me so much I feel like I've turned a corner and am feeling really positive about this year. I have been back to my Doc who was really pleased with the weight I had lost last year and am now waiting for my next appnt with the FS to be put on Clomid which I am excited about. 
I realise now that I kept so much inside and didnt talk to anyone not even hubby then when I did start talking before Christmas I just exploded with all the crap that I'd kept inside for years..feel so much better and Im ready to tackle the next step..I even managed to laugh when I arrived at work yesterday to see the bilboard directly opposite my office window had a new stop smoking poster which just says INFERTILITY across it in the biggest letters lol!!
I think a bit of PMA is in order for this year, Im hoping the old "relax and it will happen" comment will come true!  
Piggy thanks for your diet advice I tried Slimmingworld a few years ago and managed to put on weight! Have thought about weightwatchers though maybe I will give it ago. My hubby is one of the lucky ones who can eat what he likes and never put on a pound so I would never get him to diet with me! 
Anyway I should get back to work..thanks again girlies! xxx


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