# Adopting boy/girl



## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hello  

Can I ask you ladies ...

What do you see as the main differences between adopting a boy or adopting a girl?  We are being put forward to panel to adopt either sex which is what we want as we want to be as flexible as possible.  However, if I am totally honest I think I am generally more drawn to girls and find girls 'things' more appealing   !  

I know it is dependent on 'the child' rather than gender but what do you think?  Did you have an idea of the gender you felt in your heart better suited to?  I can honestly say if my DH and I had of been successful in our quest for our own bio baby then I wouldn't have given two hoots boy or girl but I think when you have a choice and the child is not your 'birth child' it seems more of an issue?  Is it best to forget 'gender' and just go with your heart?

I am not just thinking of when they are little ones (when the differences are not so great) but teenagers when the differences become more obvious.  I hate football for example and so does DH  

Not sure if I have explained this very well and I am sure it won't even matter when the 'right child' comes along  but perhaps you could give me your views opinions on adopting boys/girls and how you have found things ...

Look forward to your replies  
Dame Edna


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I know exactly what your saying!! 

We were very open and honest with our SW the first time & told her we would like to adopt a boy.  She very cleverly worded our form to read that we wanted to adopt a child of either sex age 0 - 5 years of age with slight preference for a boy!!!

If I am honest I don't know why we wanted a boy first time around but I think it had to do with things we were both involved in........with me I was running a beaver scout group at the time so felt I had more experience with boys & DH has 2 brothers & got on better with them than his sisters! 

The second time around when we adopted our DD again we DID say we wanted a baby girl & were so lucky to get our DD aged 9 months.  The reason we gave for wanting a baby girl was because DS has a biological brother & we didn't want to confuse him anymore than he could be regarding adoption.  Our SW agreed & we were approved to adopt a baby girl.

What is your heart telling you

If your SW is clever like our first SW she will know you well enough & will word your from something like ours.  This keeps the door open for possible matches that you may be looking for and what are a good match & it would be a shame if you were not considered just because of their gender.

Wishing you lots of luck in making your choice!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

I know what youmean too...

We were approved for either gender but I was longing for a girl really although I never said this to SW or DH!

When Little Bear's profile was shown to us I was an incy bit disappointed that our first match was a boy but he was and is such a perfect match for us it did seem rather irrelevent really quickly. 

If I had put my foot down about the 'girl thing' we wouldn't have got 'little bear' who we love to bits!

 Shivster


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

we're going to approval panel for 1 - 2 children aged 0-8 years, either gender - but preferably the same  

basically we would love 2 of the same flavour   i'd love 2 little girls - and dh would love 2 little boys - so one of us will end up very pleased - and one of us very pleased with a cherry on top  

i'd keep your options open - and your heart will probably follow  

ritz.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

i had my heart set on a girl too and we did tell our sw that we would prefer a girl but would not turn down a match just because it was a boy. i really thought i did not want a boy and was worried we would get matched with one and we did   when it came down to it i didn't care as ds was and is (most of the time) perfect, i could not love him any more if i tried and when we do it all again i'm not bothered if it's a girl or boy. even i can't believe that when it came to it i jumped at the chance to be a mummy to my ds and i wouldn't change a thing   

pam xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

We have been approved for 1 or 2 children, 0-4yrs of either gender.  Ideally we would like one of each eventually, we certainly don't see ourselves with 2 boys and I do long to have a girl as part of our family.

Currently there are no sibling groups in our LA, haven't been for 6months, and all the potential matches we are getting is with boys.  I did think I may be a bit 'less interested' in a boy first time round but the little man we are currently being considered for has changed that.  We have said though that if we adopt a boy the first time round we will do it again but wait for a little girl next time round, how that pans out in the future who knows but thats how we are feeling at the moment.

You often hear that boys are easier than girls, don't know how true that is though!

OT x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

We were very clear from the start that we wanted a girl 0-3, and made this clear to our s/w.  Having a biological son I wanted a girl to complete our family and I thought it would be better for our son as well (didnt want his position in the family to be threatened from his point of view if this makes sense), my dh has always wanted a little girl, he grew up with two brothers and would of liked to of had a sister.

When we went to approval panel they asked us why we wanted a girl and wouldnt consider a boy and we were very honest with them too.

We were told right from the start that there is more boys than girls that need matching but we said we would wait for ever if we had to and we weren't willing to compromise.

It paid off cos we have a beautiful daughter and cant believe we got her when she was 12 months as we were always told this was rare our son adores her as well we consider us to be very very lucky.

Dawn


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

We were approved for 2-3 children 0-5yrs , we requested 1 girl in the mix as even thought DH and i both have a younger bro (both of us were 10 when our bro's were born) and we have 1 nephew we have always had a lot to do with DH older Bro's 2 girls and the thought of 2-3 boys and no girls scared me! however we have been matched to 1 of each and i am loving the thought of having my little boy (he is the youngest) and well as having the little girl i had always dreamed off (she is a girlie girl into pink!   )

how many children are you being approved for?

xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

great topic dame edna..interesting to see how everyones different on it eh?

we were approved for 1-2 children either gender, but i really didnt want 2 boys..one of each was fine or 2 girls but not 2 boys..i just couldnt see myself never having a girl..if we'd had a boy on his own first i would deffo have gone for a girl the 2nd time around.
not sure really why i felt so strongly but i do remember flicking through CWW and taking note of which chidren i was 'drawn' to..i used to coo over the boy/girl or 2 girls pics, but whenever it was 2 boys i never bothered looking twice, just moved on 

as its turned out littlie has a baby brother so its all going to be just perfect 

kj x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi Girls 

Thanks for your replies, you have given food for thought and I am glad the topic was interesting  I was a bit reluctant to post it as I thought I might be 'linched' for such thoughts on gender but hey we are only human and you can't help the way you feel can you  !

Like some of you have said, when the right time came, we were quite 'open' with our SW regarding the gender we feel better suited to. By that stage, she knew us so well that she herself thought we would be better suited to a girl also! It was strange as we had held back from saying it but our SW is like a mind reader (or we are open books!) and she knew what we were going to say! However we did say to her that we were still open to a 'boy' and would not rule out a child on gender if it was clearly the right child. Our SW is therefore putting us forward to panel for 'either sex' which we are happy with.

Like you say Saphy, even though you had your heart set on a girl, you would not have been mum to your little boy if you had of stuck to your guns on that (and I have to say he really does look like the cutest kid on the block  ). I did laugh at your comment of being scared you would be matched to a boy and then .... you did  !

We are only going to go through the process of adopting once, so if we only get placed with one child, we do not then have the option of 'getting' the other gender in the future. There is the option to adopt 2 children (as we are going to panel for 1 OR 2 children age 0 - 4 years and hopefully we will be approved!), but we both feel that realistically (for us) it would be taking on perhaps a bit too much but who knows maybe there will be a couple of children out there who are perfect for us (but not 2 boys  )

I suppose if we end up being placed with one child, then as we are not going through the process again, I think I still feel a 'girl' is what my heart (and DH's heart - he is quite in touch with his feminine side  ) is saying - BUT my heart may well say something different when the matching/linking time comes  .......

Like you have all said, it is the sort of thing you might stress about before placement but when the right child comes along it is less significant!

Old Timer, you raised another good topic ..... *are boys 'easier' than girls*  . I say 'NO' I don't think they are 'easier', behaviour wise anyway - just different. Girls do seem to develop faster but boys are just as prone to tantrums etc as girls in my opinion anyway. I guess they are just different and learn in different ways. Girls are easier to potty train I think (but I am a casual observer and not a mummy yet so maybe my views will change)!! What do you girls think ? All the boy children I know seem to be 'rougher in play' and like to throw stuff more than the girls (toy cars at windows etc!)  Actually, thinking back, my brother smashed the window with his tennis racket (or temmi lacker as he used to call it!) when he was a toddler!!

I have enjoyed the 'chat' . Thank you everyone

Dame Edna


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Dame Edna

I have to agree, all my experiences haven't point out boys being 'easier' than girls, it just seems to be what everyone keeps telling us!

Good luck with panel.

OT x


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