# Anyone Else Waiting for an Egg Donor going through menopause?



## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi Ladies

I never know where to post, here or on the Egg Donor board... .  I have been waiting nearly 6 months for the magical phone call from the clinic to say they have a matched donor for us.  Today I went for a Bone Density Scan to ensure my bones haven't suffered from going through the menopause so young.  Well, I went through it in my 30s and was diagnosed as post menopause at 38!  The lady who did the scan says she rarely has patients as young as me.. made me feel young for once.

But, today I am now feeling down because waiting for the phone call is so hard.  I keep counting the months and thinking I am now going to be nearer 41 if this treatment works the first time and if not 42 the second time.  I feel much more tired than I used to at 33 when I had my daughter and my body feels older.  Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing, even though I can't imagine not trying to have another child.  My DD is now 6 nearly 7 and is such a joy to be with but, I feel selfish wanting it all over again when there are ladies who haven't been as lucky as me.  

Is there anyone else out there who is in a similar situation?  I can't talk to anyone at home except my DP as we are keeping it a secret.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I am rambling  .

Louise


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Hey Louise, I was told I was post menopause at 35!!! I really struggled with the dx as at 33 I fell pg with DS on second month of ttc so didn't get how it could all change so quickly. We're having one shot at OE natural ivf then if it fails we are going to go to serum in Athens for a donor. We don't intend to tell either as we want both our children to feel the same! So I completely understand about not having people to talk to its really hard! We go to Athens on thursday for an initial consultation to get the ball rolling - long story posted elsewhere but thought natural cycle was over so booked to go then got called back for another scan so who knows? - but I find it odd that we are going away and I can't tell anyone!
I think I rambled more than you in the end!


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi, Hopefulat35, sounds like you are in a similar boat.  Yes, I think for me things changed very quickly as at 33 fell pregnant on the contraceptive pill!!!  Then didn't get a period back after the birth which was odd.  But went on to have coil fitted which stops periods anyway.  I reckon if I was to guess I started Menopause at around 35 as at 38 there are no follicles at all, I know this because they scanned me at the clinic where I am having DE.  I was shocked thought maybe something was still there but apparently not.  So, DE is my only hope to have 2nd child.  It is difficult keeping the secret, sometimes I feel really bad as I hate it when people lie and I know when we go for treatment and if we are successful it will be really difficult for us to just keep it to ourselves and lie about where we have been.  There will be a few shocked people I am sure as my friends know about the menopause.  I'm going to say it was a miracle..  

Good luck with your treatment, I hope the ivf works for you and you don't need to go down the DE route. 

Louise


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

It's odd isn't it how quickly it can change. I breast fed DS til he was 20 months old and people kept telling me my periods weren't regular because of that so I delayed going to the gp. 

I'm useless at lying but this will be for the best for our family. I mentioned menopause to a couple of friends but I've now told them about natural ivf and how you need just one follie and one egg and that being on hrt for a few months would give my ovaries a rest to then go for the treatment. We will stick to this story however we get pregnant. 

Keep in touch
Hopeful


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi Hopefulat35 and anyone else reading this.

I have been called by our clinic to say they have a donor match for us, my stomach started doing cartwheels!!!  I am so scared but excited and keep asking myself if this is the right thing, but as my first reaction was excitement I am sure it is.  I haven't called the clinic back yet as they left a message on voicemail and emailed me donor's statistics which are a really good match to me.  Anyone who has been through egg donation, can you tell me if being worried and scared is normal aswell as excited?  I keep thinking of the future, our DD is nearly 7, is the age gap too much, am I making the right decision for us as a family or being selfish.. arrghhhh brain is on overtime today!!!!  Any thoughts feelings you can share with me would be great.  I have told the 2 people who know I am going through this today, and as both don't have children, I am not sure they can understand my yearnings...  .  

Many thanks
Louise


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Wow Louise that's amazing  

Today must be a special day as we got good news too! We ended up with a mad journey from trying a cycle of OE natural ivf, to having that cycle cancelled, to being told to try naturally with the follie that was there to AF arriving! When AF arrived I emailed the clinic we saw in Greece and was told they had a match for us and I was to start meds, this was on 17th may. When I asked when transfer would be I got an email back to say early July but today I got an email to say our donor is having egg collection on Friday and we need to be there for transfer on Monday! Eek!

So, when you say excited, scared, worried, I can add in head spin and flustered to!!!! So I'd say completely normal! 

Please keep in touch I'd love to know how your exciting journey unfolds! 

Oh and re the age gap I always think its the things we don't do we regret the most! X


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Wow, that is fantastic news, I am so pleased for you.  That is quick isn't it, no wonder your head is spinning!!! I will be away next week but will check when I come back next Saturday to see how you are doing, so please post your news on the board.  I will be   you have some luck.  

Enjoy your trip, I hope it isn't stressful and everything goes smoothly for you.  

Louise


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## pinkpaula (Mar 23, 2005)

I know this an older post but when I saw it, I very much wanted to give you both hope.


I have a naturally conceived DD, a miracle that happened the month we were set to begin 1st IVF!!!! The reason I was to have IVF was a very high FSH and the docs said I was fast headed for menopause. Since DD was born I have wanted more children, it never goes away. I assumed that after a natural pregnancy all would be well, but oh no!! My FSH shot up and no hospital will treat me. Donor eggs tx was suggested and it was heartbreaking, but if I want to carry and give birth to my own baby, then this is the only way.  After many tries and a hard and long journey DS came to us, but DD was 6. I worried endlessly about such a big age gap, it can raise eyebrows sometimes, but it inst a problem, I have such a wonderful helper and can give DS his special time while DD is at school, so I don't feel one had more than the other. Obviously my ideal would have been closer ages, but it wasn't to be that way for me. 
I too was devastated initially at the idea of DE tx but when that embie is in your belly and you feel the flutters and movements later on, the fact that that tiny cell came from a donor isn't anywhere in my mind. 
Whether to tell or not is so personal, I told a few close friends and family, but I wish I hadn't, I worry it might come out one day, Eastenders style, but then again, I intend on telling DS about the angel lady that helped me to have him. 
I am on my last try for my dream family, with my last single frostie. If this works it will be a miracle indeed, if it doesn't then I will have to try and find a way to carry on and move on from my desperate want to have a bigger family. I am lucky, I know, but so selfish too. 
I wish you the very best of luck and


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Hi pinkpaula, thanks for sharing! I'm currently on my second 2ww trying with deivf. Those embies that went in we're so MINE!!!! I hope we can follow in your success! X


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi Pinkpaula and Hopefulat 35

Pinkpaula - thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us, it is good to hear such a positive story and the age gap would be similar for me.  I have been told recently by a friend that the elder ones end up being little helpers and I suppose with the age gap there is no competition for the same things.  I wish you lots of luck on your next IVF journey.  It isn't selfish at all going for it again, it isn't your fault your body decided to go through early menopause, if like me you had no warning signs and it was probably a shock.  We have told a few people but not many.  I worry about how people will react if I fall pregnant as alot of close friends are aware there is no chance of me falling pregnant naturally.  I recently told my mum we were on the waiting list thinking she would worry but she got really excited about it.  So that was a big weight off my mind.

Hopefulat 35 - I have been following your stories on the boards, I wish you lots and lots of luck, it must be your turn for a BFP now.  I know you were heart broken last time.   

My update is we had a donor then my partner decided he needed counselling so we have been for a few sessions and he has given me the green light to go back on the waiting list.  As we are at the top, it shouldn't be long to be matched with somebody, I hope!!  We were matched with a good donor, she was only 27 and had proven fertility so hoping for as good a match.  But, we needed to be in the right place emotionally and we are now.  I can honestly say I can't wait to go through treatment.  I have spent nearly 2 years thinking about this now and SO ready to do it.  I know there is a chance it may not work 1st time so I am hoping for a frostie or two to give us a potential back up to try again.  If not, we may have to go back on the waiting list again, although I would be tempted to just go abroad where there is hardly any wait because I don't want to be too old due to the fact menopause does tend to make your body feel older than its years in a few ways.... 

Good luck ladies, lets hope 2012 is our year.

Louise
x


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Lknapp thank you for your kind words for our current cycle. We're 3dp3dt with our frosties. I've got no idea about this cycle but feel oddly calmer than last time. 

I'm so glad you've reached the stage where the time is right. It's so liberating and exciting! Please keep in touch with how you get on!

Wishing you all the best!

Hopeful x


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