# Coping advice when on an IVF waiting list?



## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi all, hopefully this is in the correct section, if not maybe someone would be so kind to move it?

Recently found out that IVF is the only option for us. Everyone i know seems to either be pg or has a newborn, so this time of year is very difficult to smile and be happy for them all and deal with their question, 'when are you having' without breaking down or becoming a recluse. 

We know that the list is 3 years long at the moment, which they hope to reduce, but in the meantime i feel a bit lost and forgotten about.  

Does anyone have any 'tips' on how to deal with family/friends at the time of year.  We have not told anyone as we couldn't deal with the extra pressures from people always asking.

Thanks for reading and look forward to hearing from you.


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## J0sieJo (Sep 10, 2012)

Hi Tazza,

I am also on the waiting list for IVF, we have unexplained infertility. We are also dreading Christmas - another year without a family of our own to celebrate. I'm working lots of Christmas so to keep busy, I will only be celebrating on Xmas day and Boxing Day just to narrow down the time spent thinking about not having a little one, my husband and I will have some alone time too where we can just be us and not have to put on brave faces. I think it's important to say no to some events you know you just can't handle, we just say we've already got something on that day & then turn that day into a just the 2 of you day.

I'm not sure this helps but it's nice to share stories, if you need to chat please feel free! I'm also feeling at that lost phase where there's not much more we can do but wait.

Sending lots of hugs

Jo


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Hi girls... I know that feeling, once you have made that decision you just want to get the ball rolling.... And the added pressure of Xmas is also looming! 

3years sounds like an awful long time... Surely it won't be that long? 

Have either of you considered egg sharing... Basically you donate some of your eggs and get subsidised ivf costs... Most clinics then only charge circa £800-1000 for ivf cycle which is a huge help if you are struggling with funds. 

I am sure once u finally get your BFP the cost will be irrelevant ;-))

Big hugs and baby dust to each of you xxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Thank you both for your replies.  Much appreciated. 

Another family memeber 'announcement' today    Unfortunately my boss closes the office for 2 weeks over the festive period, so i cant use work as an excuse.  

It is nice to share stories Jo, to know that im not the only   one really helps.  Thank you for the offer to chat, same to you.

bambibaby12,   that is the currently waiting time here and it has recently just been taken down from over 4 years.  I have considered egg share/donation but the closest clinic does not support sharing at the moment and will not allow me to donate before ive had my own family, in cause of any complications.  I would love to go private, could be in treatment in a few months, but hubby would rather have the doctors regular my cycles first keep trying naturally while waiting and maybe a miracle would work. He hates hospitals which is not helping the situation. 

  to both of you and hope to hear from you soon.


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

It's funny how much things differ between clinics for something that should be so bloomin natural... 

I'm lucky this year in that we've been away quite a lot this year which means I only have a few days holiday to use over the Xmas period ;-)) I'm working the Thursday and Friday in between which means we only have to endure Xmas day with hoards of kiddies.... Gosh I hate how bitter I sound but sometimes you just wish you could spend Xmas how you want to and not how you feel you should have to... 

Perhaps buy a puppy,.. That was a great excuse last year, once id reached my limit, I gave DH a nudge and we "had to get back to make sure the pup hadn't wrecked the house" ;-)) 

Trust me, I will be trying that one again this year, lol....

Oh and did you hear of yet another celeb couple who today made an announcement they are having a baby.... Rochelle, (saturdays) & Marvin, (JLS).... A couple who were together a few mths, then married then one month later, (it seems) she is pregnant   ..... Sorry my bitterness strikes again  

I best go before I self combust, haha xxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

hi bambibaby12, 

i know its so annoying.  there is a clinic about 2 hours drive from me who do not HAVE of a waiting list, but different PCT       there goes my ladylike manners! 

I would get a puppy, but i doubt the two moggies would be impressed!   

I know i did see that 'announcement'.  I hardly use ******** because of the comments/pictures but cant escape even newflashes on radio now. Yes jealousy kicked in. i fully understand what you feel!


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Yeh I'm with you on ********, I rarely go on as it just upsets me. I vow never to be one of those parents that uploads photos of their kids all the time & fills their status with their children,... Have to say I think it's weird anyway but also I would hate to unknowingly make someone feel like ****. 

Think we need to remember that there are so many people these days whom struggle so we are not the strange ones & one day we will get our dream.

My DH has just come home and told me one of his teams DW has just miscarried... Only early days but still so sad, can't imagine how that feels. They do already have a 2yr old DS so it would appear they don't have any fertility issues but still.... Must be a woman's worst nightmare....

You got many plans over the weekend?? I'm just counting down the days to my first consultation so having a pamper day at a spa tomorrow then meal with DH & friends, (no children in any of the couples) ;-))

Hope you have a good wknd Hun xxx


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## Lucylu1982 (Apr 28, 2012)

Hi,
Just saw this thread & thought I'd chip in as it completely resonates.

My DH & I haven't told anyone of our treatment & over the years we've seen many of our best friends announcing new arrivals, endured endless pics (even 12week scan pics) on smug book, played dodge the baby aisle in supermarkets for fear of emotional breakdown and just recently had relatives point out that as they only buy gifts for the children, and clearly we have none, that we'll just be getting a Xmas card this year!

Only advice I can offer is to focus on your relationship with your partners, IVF is the ultimate marriage test so use this time to build on the two of you.

Accept it is perfectly normal to want to avoid certain events where you know there will be newborns / preg relatives etc, but DON'T forgo your social life - you need to have other distractions other than ivf - it can be an all consuming topic!

Hope this helps & good luck with your journeys


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

This time of year is horrible for us.  We are the only ones out of both of our families not to have children yet. So everyone has gone down the only children get prezzies route now! That doesnt bother me but what does upset me, is we do not get invites as all the get togethers are held at soft play centres so the children are entertained.

All my friends either have or are expecting so any social event is rather akward. It does not seem to be acceptable to have a juice instead of alcohol without the questions and the 'im driving/early start' excuses are wearing pretty thin now, but having a drink is also seen as bad.  

Any distraction ideas are more than welcome.  We seem to have gotten caught up in it all and forgotten about us in the process.


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## tottykyle (Oct 10, 2012)

Hi guys, 

I feel he same as you all! Myself and DH are on the waiting list for IVF with ICSI due to very low sperm level and the current waiting list is 24 months in Glasgow I believe. We got told today at our usual clinic that there was nothing more they could do for us and took me of Met at it has messed with my cycles and we need to wait for our appt for the combined clinic.

A family member and 2 close friends have just announced their news and although I am obviously happy for them, it is so hard to put on a front when this is all we have ever wanted... 

Myself and DH are trying to concentrate on us, and doing as much as we can just the 2 of us (holidays, trips away, going out lol) but its so tough to keep smiling through everything x

Chin up ladies xxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

hi tottykyle

 you feel happy for the happy couple, but at the same it is hard not to be a bit jealous.   Know how that feels.

Infertility does tend to take over everything and trying to do things together is always a good thing!  Have you been anywhere or planned to go anywhere nice/different?


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