# It didn't work first time



## egf (Aug 11, 2005)

Hi this is the first time i have been in a chat room but i don't know what else to do.
On the 15th July I had the 2 of the most BEAUITFUL embryos placed inside me, then on the 25th of July i started to bleed. I still had to do the test on the 31st but it was negative. I have never felt so empty before. I feel that it may not happen for us is it normal to feel like this?


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## suzy (Oct 12, 2003)

Hi egf,

I'm sure its completely normal to feel as you do. Attached to those two embryos was a lot of love and hope for your future so it would only be normal to feel empty inside. I'm sure that to you, they were your babies and you carried them for two weeks, and for those two weeks, they meant everything - they were your world (and i'm sure that people who have gone through ivf know what this feels like more than most - because we see our embies with our own eyes, they mean so much - they are very real to us).  So getting a negative test is a kind of grief in a way. I'm sure you spent time wondering what they would look like, and how they would be and what you would call them, so life dealt a cruel blow when it wasn't to be.

Keep going and I'm sure one day, one or two  beautiful embryos you see under the microscope will become your baby, and it will be the best thing in the world. I've seen it happen to women many times on this website not to believe it won't happen to you and when it does it will feel like God's own miracle, that a beautiful embryo you see under the microscope, will turn into your living, breathing baby.

Love,

Suzy


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## egf (Aug 11, 2005)

Thank you. we are going to keep going as we both really want children to be part of our family. We are giving it 6 months before we look in to FET as we have 8 mini us in the deep freeze. we are also still trying on our own but it is hard not to put pressure on each other.


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## Ems H (Aug 2, 2005)

It didn't work for me first time either and I am sure that is true for lots of people on this site. You will find the strength to carry on. To get a freeze is really good. I did too but MANY don't. My feeling is that you will never feel as bad as you do now - there is some comfort in that. We are just starting our second go and I feel much calmer.
Are you at James Cook?
Emma


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## egf (Aug 11, 2005)

Yes i'm with james cook they have been great especially Nicky one of the clinical nurses, are you with james cook?


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

egf - I'm so sorry your IVF didn't work out. I know how you feel about your beautiful embies. I found a lot of comfort in the board Mel and Tony have set up called Forget Me Not, and there is a section to remember our embies. Mine were FET embies, so we had loads of time to become attached to them. When I then saw them after the defrost, when everything was against them - yet they made it and began to make more cells I was so proud of them.
I am dreading October, which would have been my due date.
Our money has run out now, and I'm in my early 40s, so everything is against us, which makes it even more sad.
I really hope your mini snowbabies give you your dream in 6 months time
Fee xxxxx


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## egf (Aug 11, 2005)

Thanks Fee. I'm dreading April the 20th next year which would have been my due date. we are going to try FET in about 6 months to a year and i hope at least 1 snowbaby makes it. It is nice to speak to other women who have gone through this as i felt so alone thank you.


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## OzShazz (Apr 2, 2005)

*Sweety everything your feeling is natural, I'm not going to tell you that every neg cycle gets easier either, but I'm just letting you know that we are all here for you and do know how you feel at the moment.
Sending hugh hugs to you.

Shazz  *


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## Ems H (Aug 2, 2005)

Hi egf
Yes I am at James Cook. Nicky is very sweet. The embryologists are absolutely wonderful but when they tell you that everything is great it does get your hopes up doesn't it? Are you under Mr Taylor or Mr Mustafa or both? I think Mustafa is wonderful. Do you find that the way we are doing our cycle is very different from others on this site? Did you get put on the pill first?
Take Care
Emma


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

EGF

I've just finished my 1st ivf with Af arriving on day 12 of my 2ww.  It was more devastating that I ever thought possible and is definitely akin to grief.  It is indeed a loss as I see mine as being the triplets I lost.  We do invest hope - hope in creating our own small miracles.  As I understand it - it takes around 3 ivf treatments to have a success but for many there is a miracle and for some there are none.  The thing about life is - you never know - and so we keep hoping.

My situation is a little different as my age is against me big time.  Of course I beat myself up thinking why didn't I look further into it a year ago but we had just got married and I wanted to enjoy that feeling hoping we could have our own miracle naturally.  My DH is so low now with the news yesterday - it is both of our loss.  For now grieve, cry and be kind to your self

Nuala


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