# mum and dad have mental illness and not sure about the effect of this on match



## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

hi 

sorry to be asking so many questions!! 

we are very interested in pursuing a possible match

the littly is only 12months and is developing well but.......

mum and dad both have schizophrenia and littly was born addicted to cocain and alcohol
sw has warned us about the increased risk attatched to this
I am unsure in regard to the nature/nurture argument as I believe most studies that prove the increased risk of mental illness is when the children have been brought up by parents or started life badly then brought up as looked after children
I was wondering if anyone had experience of this with there children and how things have developed
I understand this could be a sensitive issue for some and so would welcolm a pm if needed
Thanks in advance


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## daxcat (Apr 27, 2010)

Not sure if this is what you're looking for - hope it helps!
My mother was a serious alcoholic even before my brother and I were born. She drank and smoked her way through both of us being pregnancies. We mostly raised ourselves as she was usually in a pile on the floor and neither of us have turned out to be alcoholics! I'm 35 now and my brother is 32. I do drink but not so it affects normal life and an easily abstain when TTC etc! My brother rarely has a glass of wine. 
I strongly believe in nurture being stronger than nature in many cases.

Hope it helps. XXX


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi curvycat

I remember our SW telling us about a young child whose BPs had schizophrenia.  We researched it quite a lot and wrote a paper about it for our SW to show we knew what we'd be taking on.  I'm on holiday at the moment so not on my normal computer so once I get home next week I'll have a look for it. 

I do know a fair bit about the impact of alcohol on children, and this would be something for you to look at very carefully.  Both my children have been affected by BMs alcohol use in different ways - one has a facial disfigurement and the other much more serious long term problems.  The jury is out on the existence of an "addiction gene", but I think it is a possibility it exists.  It doesn't mean the child would become an alcoholic, but may be prone to being addictive to things - even chocolate or shopping! 

If there's anything about the impact of alcohol I can help with, I'll try!

Bx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

It would be helpful to know if the schizophrenia was bourne from drug use or if there is a family history in the BP's family. If it is a genetic cause rather than a 'drug cause' then that would increase the risk.


FAS is a potentially worrying condition moreso than the drug use and perhaps you need to ask some questions around this condition also with your sw.

Having said all of that the little one could be absolutely fine, but its the uncertainties in adoption and balancing the risks of potential problems that can be difficult.

Hope this helps

Dawny x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

thank you all for your replies the more help the better! 

I have reread the cpr for about the 10th time and from what I can see bgrandm may also have some mental illness as it is reported had an eating disorder and drug addiction. There is nothing on BF as he wont accept the child but if bm is telling the truth he has paroniod schizophrenia

I think the "did she take drugs due to mental illness or has she mental illness due to drugs" is a huge one

She started taking drugs at age 10 so I think the drugs came first but I dont know we are drawn to this littly but not sure if this combination is increasing risk too much?? on the other hand she may not be affected?? also what does it actually mean as far as parenting is concerned??

I have done an internet search or 100 and they all seem to contradict each other

soooooooooooooo confused


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

HI

There is a book by BAAF called 'Children exposed to parental substance misuse' which may be useful for the drugs and alcohol related issues, your SW may have a copy in the office she could lend you or you can get it on line.

I have a niece who was born addicted to cocaine, also alcohol was used in pregnancy, and she has had a lot of struggles and challenges to face and will have for the rest of her life.  She was classed as 'mild' and withdrew quickly but the effects are long term and at 9 years old it is not sure whether she will go on to independant living.  Her adoptive parents have experience with special needs but it is still incredibly hard work and the amount of various appointments she has to go to is very time consuming and has meant her Mum has had to give up work completely.  She is a lovely child though.

We said no to joint parental schizophrenia, a personal choice.  Mental illness is a hard one to work out and no one can give you any guarantees as to what the future will be like.

Have you spoken to your SW?  If not I would ask her honest opinion before making a decision, she/he should know you well enough to be able to help guide you.

Good luck
OT x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply

we have decided "somewhat regretably" that this is not the link for us

when reading cpr I feel that the mental illness most likely goes back at least one generation and we feel that the combination of risks attatched is just too much

for us every child we have seen has at least drugs and alcohol and an element of mental illness and we are prepared for some risk but this just feels like too much

when people tell you this is hard you have no idea just how hard!    feeling more than a little guilty and upset


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2010)

It is so hard with younger shildren to know how badly they have been affected by in utero and early life experiences.  Mental illness and drug use are risk factors, but then most children available for adoption have risk factors, so it is a bit of a lottery as it is almost impossoble to know at this age who will be more or less affected.    

Ours were born addicted to drugs and had very traumatic early lives, but now at 6,8 and 10 seem to be free from major issues.  However they were all older (4,5 and 7) when we made the decison to take them on so we had a good idea of how their development had been affected.  

Good luck with making the right decision for you.

Bop

ETA:  Just seen ypour update and big ((hugs)).  It is hard to turn down kids, but you have to make the right decision for you as any regerts will be doubly ahrd in the testing times.


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Curvycat    
Don't feel guilty hunny, it has to be the right match.  We turned down an 8 month old before ds and I felt terrible at first but then learnt he went to a lovely family that could handle his needs and I knew we couldn't.  Same will be for this littlie, she will have a family waiting


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Curvycat,

just wanted to send some    your way too I can appreciate how hard it must of been turning down a potential match, but it needs to 'feel' right, and your child is out there for sure.

Dont be too hard on yourselfs, take care

Dawny x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Curvycat   

Don't feel guilty for turning a child down, you have done it for the right reasons and it would be far more damaging to everyone to continue and then the placement breakdown at a later stage.

All children will come with a level of uncertainty and 'issues' and you have to be realistic about the number of 'issues' put together that you can cope with.  We turned down a child soon after our first approval because there were too many issues put together, any of them on their own or a few together would have been fine but there were just far too many.  I felt guilty etc for ages but he did find a family that could care for him better than we could have done and when we read our DS's cpr we knew we had made the right decision.

Are you with a LA or VA?  Guessing VA as you are looking so early at BMP/CWW....

Good luck, you will find your family but it may just take a bit of time and yes, the waiting is hard but worth it in the end.

OT x


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## sticky15 (Mar 28, 2008)

Hello,
      I know this is a bit too late to comment, but it might help someone. I was adopted as a child and birth mother had a serious mental illness.My parents were worried about this and enquired about BF family medical history and were relieved there was nothing  on that side.I myself worried that this would be passed on.
Good news is.. I endured 7 years of fertility treatments and I am still perfectly sane...just about!! I admire all of you and the difficult decisions you have to make and hope there are happy endings for you,like mine.
Sticky x


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