# Freeze embryos or just go for it....?



## Hels82 (Jan 3, 2015)

Hi everyone. I've been reading these forums for so long now. Been so inspired by so many stories!! I've wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember. But I just never seem to meet a nice guy I want to be with forever. And using a donor was something I kind of always expected I'd do.

I first had my fertility checked (full bloods and AFC) when I was 28, everything was satisfactory for my age. My AMH was 37.1 back then. I'm now 34 and had the basic test last month. AFC and AMH only. AFC was good and my AMH is now 15.7. That's still satisfactory for my age but obviously now getting lower. I'm really struggling now with making a decision what to do.

I know no one can make this decision for me but I was just wondering if I could ask for opinions of the experienced ladies on here! My choices are egg freezing, which I'm well aware has low results so probably a bit pointless. Embryo freezing using a donor - better results but still could not work meaning I could be let down in a few years and by then my eggs would be much older and could end up looking at double donor.
Or..... I could just go for it now. I ideally always thought I'd want to move house first to somewhere a bit bigger. I wanted more savings. I wanted.... Everything to be perfect I guess. I know that's never feasible but I'm a bit of a worrier and I panic that things could go wrong!

But. I worry more that I'll leave it so long I'll miss my chance. So should I just go for it....?


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Hi

 Probably every one of us wishes we had a crystal ball to see how things will pan out in the future. Sadly none of us do which makes decisions like the ones you're facing now so difficult  I think if I was in your situation when all the options seem a bit overwhelming, I'd try to do a bit more research on statistics for each option to give you a bit more information based on scientific/medical fact. This may sway you towards one way or another. From there you could consider contacting a few clinics who have good success rates for your chosen situation and then perhaps go to a few open days to get a feel for the different things they could offer you. This might then give you a firmer idea of which way to go, how much it will cost, timeframes etc. 

I understand how horrible it is when it feels like a race against time with the biological clock deafening your every waking hour!! I felt rushed to keep going through back to back cycles for fear the next year my age would drop my chance of success even more. When I got to 38 I took a year off - I didn't care that I was 'old' I just needed a break and at 39 it felt like the same game of chance as when I first started this journey at 36 (whatever the stats said to the contrary). The only thing I would say to you as an old bird! is don't wait for things like a bigger house, better job, more savings etc at the expense of delaying becoming a mum if that's your true heart's desire. You've got the rest of your life to focus on material things - the baby window is a bit smaller sadly. You're still young with plenty of time for fulfilling your dream - whether that be through freezing embryos or eggs. Or meeting Mr Right (he has a funny habit of turning up when you least expect it!) I'm sure there are lots of ladies, including myself, who wished in hindsight they'd tried for a baby or had investigations earlier when age was more on their side. 

You're making a very positive step towards trying to safeguard your future and I wish you all the very best on the road to fulfilling your dream while time is still very much on yours. 

X


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Hels 

In my humble opinion knowing what I know now I'd suggest go for embryo freezing using back to back cycles so banking plenty for PGS testing.  

I left it too late waiting for Mr Right and being too scared to go it alone.  Eventually had to use donor eggs too.  However my biggest error has been going ahead when work and home situation isn't sorted out.  So I've now got twins with no family or friends support locally, in rented accommodation which I've got to move from and a job I'm struggling to financially support my boys in because I've had to give up the higher paid shift working job.  I love my boys but I'm isolated and struggling to see a bright future ahead for us.  My situation has been made worse by my boys being premature and the one having additional needs.  One can't always predict what will happen and sometimes you just have to take the leap forward. Having support is essential when you have children on your own. It's 24/7 even when you yourself are ill.  Sleep deprivation and utter exhaustion mean you will need a break from caring. This might be paid if you can afford it otherwise if family and friends can help out here and there for an hour or so it makes all the difference.

In short go for it but if home situation is not ideal then embryo banking would be the way forwards in my experience.
TCCx


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

If you have the means to do it now, then I say go for it and try for a baby. In my opinion there will always be something you need to do before having a child. If you wait for the perfect moment then you could be waiting forever. If you have a home, if you have an income, if you have support and you're happy to proceed then good luck


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## Altai (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi,

Obviously if you have (more or less) means to do it right now, then probably make sense to go for it right now.

But if I were you, I'd have gone for embryo banking or egg share. Would have done several back to back cycles in different clinics to have eggs in different baskets so to speak.
You are young and it's likely to work even without pgs, thou pgs would give you some reassurance. And at 34 with your amh most clinics would accept you for egg share. 

I  left it too late as was hoping like most of us for mr fight, better job,  stability etc. 
Ended up in a worst financial situation than before. But still had to go for numerous IVF cycles as was doing oe while being  well over 40.
I attempted to do embryo banking at my age, well mix of banking & fresh transfers. Banking hardly was going to work at my age tbh.  
One of the cycles was successful and my gorgeous baby girl was born few weeks ago. 
I am lucky as have my mum to help me with the baby. It's hard work if you are on your own. I do worry how to cope financially in the future.

Best of luck with you decision

A.


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## scarletlipstick (Sep 29, 2015)

Hi Hels,
I'm in a pretty similar position to you - or I was last year. I was 34 and knew that I wanted to have a baby and felt pretty happy going it alone (it took me a couple of years to get to that point) but it didn't feel quite the right time, for a couple of job reasons mainly. (Was in a job with a lot of night shifts and weekends which would have been tricky to manage as a single mama.) So I did a freeze all cycle with donor sperm and it was definitely the right thing for me. I have 9 frosties waiting in the freezer and will probably put the first one back at the end of this year. It has just given me breathing space and made me feel so much calmer and happier. I know I was lucky and not all IVF cycles end so well but if you have the resources to do it it was a great path for me. (Happy to give you more info via PM if you want.)

The other thing is that emotionally it let me take it step by step, which for me was good. It let me accept and embrace my new path one step at a time, as well as let my parents get used to it gradually, which I think is working for us all. I am also using the time to build a support network of people who I think will help me out and be supportive (although I've learnt from these boards that this is a difficult thing to predict!) I'm also using the time in between to save and I have a 9-5 job now as well. 

Good luck!


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Hi Hels, I was in a similar position to you at a similar age (although my AMH was a lot lower than yours so please don't get disheartened). If you are ready to go for it now, go for it. It sounds as if you are healthy, young, have a great AMH and I suspect IUI would work for you or IVF (possibly egg sharing).

If not, as the others have said definitely do embryo freezing using a donor. You are very likely to be able to do this for free if you egg share due to your AMH (good) and age. By doing egg sharing you don't pay for your medications or anything really, the only thing you would actually pay for is the sperm plus you help another family if it works for them. As an egg sharer (i.e. egg donor) you are not allowed to be anonymous though and any resulting children would have the right to contact you at 18. So that's a big decision and only you can make that decision. You should be allowed to do 3 cycles as an egg sharer and as the girls have said you should probably do this back to back. The way it would work is that you donate half your eggs to someone who needs them and if you get an uneven number e.g. 11 then you get the extra one. I would recommend the Lister in London although there are plenty of clinics, that was where I did my egg share cycles. If you don't want to egg share then you can do embryo freezing IVF cycles, maybe three cycles, noting this is quite expensive...a bit cheaper abroad.

My experience may or may not be helpful to you but this is it. I was 33/34 when I started and did a mix of freezing eggs and embryos with a total of 5 cycles which I didn't do back to back but completed a month before my 36th birthday. I definitely wasn't ready to simply go for it at 33/34, was fresh out of a relationship and still wanted to give it a shot the traditional way - with a man. I dated a lot too and have had a boyfriend for the last 18 months but that may not work out, we'll have to see. I also managed to buy a 2 bedroom place in this time, got made redundant and subsequently found a really good job. I am now 38. 

One final point is that you mentioned savings. Embryo freezing is very expensive, whilst you give yourself some additional time, you would probably be in a worse financial position after you have paid loads of money for the IVF. The exception to this is if you egg share, which will save you a fortune plus you will get a good number of embryos to freeze.


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