# Changing name of adopted child?



## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

My DH and I were discussing this topic and curious what your take is on this? Is it discouraged to change the name of the child you are adopting if it is under a certain age?


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi GuitarAngel,
Yes is the only answer to your question, although I have heard of instances where it has been allowed. Our Sw said they had refused to assess a couple a second time because they insisted on a name change. If you think of it in terms of the childs name is the only thing they bring with them from their start to life. I did find this subject difficult during the process as like many I had my baby girls name planned for ever and the thought that I wasn't allowed to name my child having had so much else taken away from me was quite upsetting. You can change the middle name and of course they take your last name. Now we have our DD we love her name it is just her and we wouldn't change it for the world even if we could.
Hope this helps love JD x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

My friend is going through the adoption process and should go to panel next month- her SW said that she could change the name if a baby.  My friend (now 46) was adopted as a child and they changed her name but she knows her previous name and doesn't like either of them!!
L xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

We were told name changes were a big NO NO as studies show that children who have had name changes in the past can be quite resentfull about it, my little boy came to us a 14 weeks old and although i wasn't keen on his name we kept it and i'm pleased we did as our little ones have already suffered great losses and to take away the one thing their Bf gave them that they can keep just seemed wrong to me  

pam xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

ditto everything above..its very strongly discouraged by our LA, i think they are of the opinion that if a couple cant keep something as important as the childs name (unless theres a huge child protection issue and they have an extremely unusual name) then perhaps they are not completely commited to the idea of adoption and its accompanying issues. Like the others say, its the one thing they have to link them to their birth families. We were told that if we so disliked a childs name when we read their forms then perhaps that child was not for us..
a friend of mine has just adopted a little girl who's first name is double-barrelled..although they will keep her name and use it officially, they have chosen to just use the first part of it on an everyday basis. part of this reason is that its fairly unusual, so quite identifyable....this is seen as acceptable, tho they have been questioned about it during reviews to check that they arent sneakily going to change it officially when they go to court!


kj x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

OK to throw a spanner into the works we changed our DD name and kept her birth name as her middle name.

We had full support of our SW & her SW & she really suits the name we chose.  Although we did not dislike her birth name, it was one we had the chance to change so did!
I have to add that this was 6 years ago and I know that things have changed.

As for children resenting you changing the name, only time will tell but our DD know's what her name use to be and she has said on more than one occasion that she's glad we changed it although she would have chose something like Barbie!!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

no spanners Andrea  it's great to get another out look on this and hopefully your dd will have no probs with her name change even if you didn't decide on barbie   i think the fact is that no one knows how our children are going to react to the whole adoption thing when they grow up, and lets face it how many of us that were not adopted can sit and say " my mum did this and that and i would never do that to my child " i've come to the conclusion that all we can do as parents is our best and try to be sensitiive to our childrens needs 

pam xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

For us, at the beginning of the process this was a big thing.  By the end of it, it was less of an issue, although obviously we were very nervous about finding out her birth name (which ended up being the shortened version of my late Nan's name, so we had to change the middle name we were going to give her).  Our SW told us the same thing as KJ - that if the name is an issue, perhaps there are other issues and not the right child for you. 

I know people have changed their child's name even now... it's not illegal to do so - but to have done that, we would have had to go back on our word and SW would have seen us in a very different light.  She told us the story of a couple who did just that and they totally went back on what they had promised - and sneakily too.  I think it's very different if you have the backing of your SW and they don't have a problem with it.  

Our DD had a double barrelled name and we shortened it to the first name... but kept the second part of her name as a middle name (and then gave her my Nan's middle name after that).  SW advised that too on one of the reviews as it was more identifyable together but we would have done it anyway.  We never thought we'd have a child with 3 names, but that's adoption for you - full of surprises!!!


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

i have skim read this however wanted to add my bit!

right our LA do not like you chainging the childs name and as already said it is the only thing that has been a permanant thing in the childs life however we did meet a couple who came to talk to us on prep who had shifted both their girls first names(or birth names) to be middle names as they didnt tell us what they were however it was not safe for them to remain with the names - these children were 6months and 14months when they got them! (it was a stagered intro hence the gap being only 8 months- really there is 11months between the girls)

As part of the questions on our HS we had to do a section on "what does a name mean" and also we had to list name we didnt like as then our SW would know of names and reason not to show us some ickle peoples profiles! we put 3 names which may sound harsh however 2 are the male anf female version of our surname (which is a boys name) and felt this would cause the child propblems and the other name whcih we stated we liked for a middle name however not a christian name (as orig if we had had a birth daughter she would ahve got this as her middle name in honour)due to it being my late cousins name and i am very close to my aunty and dont wish to cuase her any much hurt or pain then she has gone through for the past 17years

hope this helps

Mez
xxx


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## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

Thanks everyone! It has been interested in reading your replies. And, I had not thought of some of the points you made. 

I too have favorite names but, I now feel it is more important to allow the child to keep that one constant thing in their lives - their birth name.

Thanks again for your insight.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

We did a really interesting exercise on our prep course about this.  We had to introduce ourselves but not using our proper name.  It felt really weird, but we had a bit of a giggle when we talked about the names that our parents nearly gave us (I was nearly called Tiffanny!!!)

We were advised (only after we had legally adopted) that we could have changed their middle names.  We were told that the only reason that they would allow the child's name to be changed would be if it was in the child's interest due to safety reasons or if the name would cause them to be picked on when matched with your surname.

I am really pleased with my girls names.  Not what I would have chosen, but beautiful all the same.

Karen x


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## Ribeena (May 1, 2007)

We adopted our daughter a year ago when she was 4.  From first moving in she did not want to be called by her name - she wanted to be 'baby'. Our daughter used to call herself all sorts of different names as time progress 'Lola' from Charlie and Lola, Sofie, Annabel all sorts of things - with each name she insisted we used it!  And got very cross if we used her birth name.

We had not thought it possible to change her name and we both liked it - but our SW suggested that we give her a name that we had chosen "as all new parents do, it is your gift to the child".  She said that you can add names.  So this gave us a new issue to deal with.  We involved her in the decisions made - we kept her original name but also added, at her request, my middle name.  She also really wanted a name that coincidentally was my grandmothers, as well as my sisters middle name.  
The adoption hearing allows for name change, the sw advised us that this was the opportunity to do it - it is similar to registering a birth - the new names appear on the new birth certificate.
In the interests of anninimity we gave her favourite as the first name and her birth name as a middle name - we always intended to carry on using her original name on a day to day basis but felt it gave her plenty of choice later in life.  However, she would have none of it and insited that everyone used her new name - we thought it would last a few weeks and wear off, it was a reall pain actually, but here we are and her name is definitly the one we chose together - she still says she does not want the old one.  Her new name is now her at the original name seems strange!
We have concluded, as have SW that it is her way of leaving the past behind her and embracing her new life and identitiy.
You could give a child a new first or second name at adoption - but perhaps carry on using a birth name (as we intended) this would give the child chioces at a later date with their own identity - haveing well used family names has definitly helped our little girl feel that she is an important part of our family. 

Hope this helps - good luck

Ribeena


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