# Lots of questions from a Young, single teacher!



## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Hi,

I've been reading lots of posts for a little while but only just registered! I hope it's okay for me to join this site - I've been reading this section of the forum, adoption section of mumsnet and he adoption UK forums but you lot seemed the friendliest   

Basically, the title says it all! 

I'm a single primary school teacher, currently 23. I've been interested in adoption for a while, I'm looking to get some idea of the process, advice etc in the hope of adopting in the future. I'm looking at buying a house in the next two years or so and getting a few years of teaching behind me before adopting. I'd probably be hoping to start the process at 26/27. 

Has anybody got experience of adopting at a similar age? 

Likewise, any single adopters got any thoughts or advice. Finally, teachers?! 

I'm not able to drive, is this an issue? Do Social Services like you to own a house or is renting suitable? 

As far as I know, I am able to have children - currently I'm looking at adopting as a single person. I may find the right person in the next few years but I still feel very strongly about adopting even if (and it's a big if!) Mr Right should come along.

I'm aware that adopted children often have additional needs and/or have experienced things that no child should experience. I've taught children who were in care and had children in my class collected late at night from school by a social worker etc. so I've seen parts of the process from the 'other side'. I'm not looking at this with rose tinted glasses! I know it's a long, difficult process. I'd be hoping to adopt a child under 5 probably but I know a baby is unlikely. 

Any thoughts, advice or stories welcomed. Sorry for the waffling on! This has been going round my head for so long and I just need to get some answers!

Thanks


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Welcome to the group rose honey   


Sorry can't answer all your questions but the one about home I might.


You can either have your own home and show that you are stable and can make the payments once the child is placed, This also goes for renting.  


Good luck in your journey   



Mac x


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## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Thank you, that's one question answered!

Any general thoughts or advice from anybody would be warmly welcomed 😊


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Rose Honey,

Just to offer some thoughts on a couple of your questions.

My husband was 28 when we applied to adopt, and considered very young (I was 33).  His age was viewed as a big positive by the LA we applied to, but, and it is a big but, I think Social Services would probably view this differently if it was a single adopter and be concerned that a relationship could come along any moment and change the situation considerably, adding the very real possibility of a birth child being added to the family.  This is something that's going to raise a lot of questions during your assessment.

I would give some serious thought to learning to drive.  I passed my test not long after we adopted, but I don't have the use of a car during the day time and financially that's not really viable as I wasn't able to return to work after we had our children.  I walk everywhere with my kids and mostly I like that, as we have good local services and live in a small town, but there are times when this is really tough in particular if my daughter really kicks off.  I have been pretty much stuck on a number of occasions with a highly distressed and extremely defiant child behaving very dangerously.  Getting to and from appointments on public transport can also be a problem.  We're shortly going to be travelling to therapy somewhere that is over an hour drive away and basically inaccessible on public transport, with two young children, and the only option is for my husband to negotiate home working to allow me use of the car once a week.  

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Thank you Wyxie, that's great advice.

I do think being a single adopter at 26/27ish could be a stumbling block, this I think is my greatest fear! But, if it wasn't that it would probably be something else - it's certainly not straightforward is it?!

I know that I would have to answer a lot of questions regarding future relationships and the possibility of having future birth children. As I said, as far as I know I am able to have birth children but I do have some minor medical conditions that could worsen in pregnancy.

Thank you for your honest answers 😊

It's funny dealing with Social Services in work, thinking 'can I take this child home with me please?' And thinking I could be dealing with them for a very different reason in the future!

Thanks again x


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## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Any teachers have any pearls of wisdom?

I currently teach Reception.


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## Bobi Kadee (Aug 18, 2014)

Hi Rose,
I'm a teacher (older children than reception though) and a single adopter, I was 33 when I first started the application process.  

I was open with the social worker about the fact that I had not tried to become pregnant and adoption was my first choice.  (Apparently this was looked at with some confusion by a senior social worker, they couldn't understand how adoption could be first choice).  I think it was seen as a positive at approval panel.  I said that if I adopted and then met someone and started a relationship then, as it would with a birth child, my child would come first.  If the relationship was right for us both as a family then that's the only way it would work.  But then I think it may have been seen differently if I was 27.

Being a teacher and adopting was great. School was amazingly understanding about everything and very generous with time and salary.  The burgundy book lays it out pretty clearly though.  My class love my little one, I took her into school when I was on leave and they love her.

Definately learn to drive.  I wouldn't be without my car. (Even though it is a total mess and full of toys and young child regalia). Getting to and from appointments and shopping and lots of other things would be totally impossible alone and on foot.

I rent too.  It was never a problem, although panel were eager to know what would happen if I had to leave my current house.  (Erm, I'd find somewhere else...). They were happy when I told them.

All that said, my little one is amazing and the adoption is the best thing I have ever done in my life.  So rewarding.  Good luck with whatever you decide.
X


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## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Hi Bobi,

Thank you, nice to hear from another teacher  

A lot of people seem to view adoption as a 'last resort' which makes me so cross. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, she has a little boy who is 5 and she asked me about children. I told her that I want to adopt and she couldn't understand why I wouldn't want (as she put it) real children of my own.....I refrained from saying I wouldn't be adopting a plastic child....! She couldn't get why it would be my first choice at all. 

Aww bless, my TA has brought her twin girls in a few times and the children love it, they are so sweet to them. They couldn't understand that I don't have any children - one told me to go to the baby shop to buy one on my way home from work lol.


Thank you for your advice.

X


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi Rose,
Just a quick one as I'm on holidays at the mo! Just wanted to say I'm a reception teacher. Being a teacher was great with regards to having experience with children etc. also my school were fantastic through the whole process. If you've got any questions feel free to PM and can try and help xx


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## Rose honey (Aug 16, 2015)

Ooh, thanks Lorella, will PM you this evening. I've got a day of washing, ironing, housework and planning first! X


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