# All in all a bad week - advice needed



## Dopey2012 (Apr 20, 2012)

Very bad week

I have know for a few months now that my best friend is pregnant but this week is going to be a hard one.... not only do I have my lap and dye op tomorrow which I am massively nervous about, not so much the op but the outcome cause I can't help thinking it is going to be really bad mood, but my best friend finds out what she is having and her 20 week scan. I am extremely happy for her as I know she was trying for 18 months but after trying for 3 years and counting, 18 months seems like a short period of time. 

I am also struggling with the fact she keep moaning about getting fat, nothing fits her and so on, I just think that I would do anything to be putting on weight carrying my child rather than moaning about the fact.

I have notice a massive change in her and she seems to have no compassion to what I might be going through, just telling me that it will be my time soon and not to worry cause I am still young. She doesn't seem to get that it is easy for to say that but it doesn't help me or support me, it just makes me feel angry, I have told her how I am feeling but it doesn't seem to affect the way she acts round me, I just feel like we are drifting apart. I feel like such a rubbish friend and that maybe it is my fault that we are drifting apart.

If anyone can give me some advice on how to go around this or any information on what i might need for my lap and dye or what to expect would be great.


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## ElsW73 (Apr 13, 2012)

Sorry about your friend. Sounds rough. Always difficult when close friends seem to have it easy, but am sure there are other areas of her life you wouldn't want to swap. Perhaps her sympathy levels will rise when you are laid up in bed after your op - perhaps pointing out that she is very lucky to have minor problems during your recovery would be a good thing.
For the lap and dye loose fitting clothes a must - you will be very bloated. Sanitary towels a must - you will need for 2-3 days (more poor hubby had to drive me home with my jeans undone and then nip into garage shop for a pack of always....in hindsight funny but at the time not great)
Basic painkillers (ibuprofen / paracetamol) also needed. And bland food for recovery from anaesthetic.
Hope it goes ok.
Els


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## wishforamiracle (Jun 18, 2012)

hi ElsW73
              i had that problem with a friend being pregnant and me wishing and praying and 1 failed icsi for me it was easier to go down the road of not being bitter towards her ,i know its hard.... i just thought what would i like to have if it was the other way around..... you dont have to have major in depth conversations with her.... i used to just say thing like oh really! do you! etc etc and took time out when it got too much..... i work in the or and i've seen lapdye ops and its really satisfying when a kinda blocked tude opens with the little pressure of liquid ....i hope you have a good result...and remember there are loads of options out there if worse comes to worse .... fingers crossed for you and the world is full of miracles and i hope you get yours


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## wishforamiracle (Jun 18, 2012)

sorry i meant dopey2012 whoops


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Dopey2012

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time  I can completely sympathise with you as my best friend is also pg and I'm finding it very _very _ difficult to cope with it. She's always been fairly understanding and supportive throughout my tx (in her own kind of way!) but I'm aware that the further she gets into her pregnancy the more likely she is to forget how I feel as her pregnancy hormones kick in and take over (understandably) and she'll start saying inappropriate things to me, probably without realising - things like your friend has said, i.e. complaining about feeling fat, or uncomfortable etc etc, things I would give anything to feel and experience. Sadly I don't have any great words of wisdom to help you cope with this one, as I'm struggling myself, but I just wanted you to know you that you're not alone. I don't know if you've seen the links below already (sorry if you have) but I thought they might help? One is about 'Infertility Etiquette' which might be helpful for your friend to read, and the other is a thread started by someone else but one that I've read and found very helpful 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=276276.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=277747.0

If you ever want to PM me feel free, always happy to chat, take care and lots and lots of luck for your op today


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## DippyHippy (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi Dopey, 

Sorry to hear you're having a bad week.  I can sympathise as my sister is pregnant at the moment and keeps moaning about all sorts.. putting on weight, having heartburn etc etc.  It's rather insensitive and upsetting and I've tried to explain this to her but she just gets huffy and goes in a strop.

Your feelings don't make you a rubbish friend.  I have felt the same way that you have, but I know it doesn't make me a rubbish sister.  It's a VERY sensitive issue and I guess ppl can't really comprehend the emotion and stress involved unless they are facing it themselves.

I haven't had a lap and dye but wish you all the best for it, good luck and let us know how you get on   x


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## Dopey2012 (Apr 20, 2012)

Thanks all for your replies. 

I feel much better after my lap and dye test as the consultant said it was all clear except for a small amount of endrometriosis which the consultant says shouldn't stop me from getting pregnant. 

We went for dinner with my friend the other day, she found out she was having a little girl and i am over the moon for her as i know how desperate she was to have a girl. I found the dinner easier but it was alot of pregnancy talk and how it will happen to me one day which was a little hard to deal with but my time will come, 

I am sure i will have my up and down days until it does happen. 

I have found it so much easier now i have found FF cause i can get it all out in the open and get advice from others that have felt the same so you don't feel so alone.


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## DippyHippy (Apr 27, 2012)

Great news about your lap and dye hun, happy for you 

Never give up hope..! x x


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