# Using Partner's Brother as a sperm donor?!?!?



## BaT

Hi all,

DW and I are staring down another BFN and started talking tonight about what we will do from here.   Up until now we have been using unknown donor sperm. I had been thinking for awhile about using her brother as a sperm donor but thought she wouldn't be keen.  We talked about it at length tonight and are both keen.  We have spoken to her father and are awaiting feedback after her parents have spoken and will then discuss it with her brother and brothers wife.

Question is- does anyone else know of anyone who has done this?  What are the for and against aguments.

Thanks,

B x


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## ♥JJ1♥

My friend and her partner were both going to try with their respective brothers sperm (unfortunately they split up )  my friend was concerned as her brother had no children of his own at the time, whereas hers had.

I discussed this with my donors partner and he said that he would feel odd donating to his sister in law and that he would look at the child as his. 

L x


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## katena

We considered this route too - but discounted it - i can't remember now (it might be cos hes ginger   ) 

Ill have to ask DW later if she remembered why!!! 

Sorry - not very helpful i know!

edited to add:  We decided not to for 2 reasons - the baby's bio dad would also be his/her bio uncle and a little incestious (for a lack of a better word) and also because he's have a vasectomy anyways!!!

I do recognise that it would mean that the child has a biological link to DW.

karen


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## BaT

When we first started looking into TTC, we discounted having a known donor as we didn't want someone else having a say in the upbringing of our child.  However, having DW's brother as donor does seem different.  We had said if we had a KD we would want them to have a 'Uncle' role and this case he really would!!!

This is all hypothetical at this stage as we havn't even discussed it with him and his wife.  They don't have children of there own yet, which may complicate things.  They also live on the opposite side of the world, but will be in the UK in October.

DW and her brother look very similar and have very similar interests, so it would be the best way of getting a child that is genetic similar to her!!!

This may not come to anything but its another option!!!


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## southern_angel

This is something I seriously considered when with my ex. 

I think it is very complicated (in our case her brother was married with two children so all of their (potential) feelings had to be taken into account), but if you can make it work then I imagine that the genetic link to a non-bio mum and to extended family could be well worth it... 

Wishing you the best of luck with talking to them all,
Angelmine


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## lesbo_mum

I thought about this but DW's brother firstly wouldnt have gone for it and secondly DW said it didnt feel right to her as it meant our baby would really be her neice or nephew..


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## leoaimee

it might be worth posting this question in the donors section as there will be those 'hettys' who have used donor eggs or sperm and i think often egg donors come from people the recipient knows, and they might give you some more ideas on how it effects family relationships.  

i think the main concern might be the whole mum/aunt dad/uncle thing for the child ....

your bil and sil being on the other side of the world might help create some allowing some emotional distance though.

as your bil and sil dont have children of their own it might be more diff for them, im thinking esp your sil ... but im just guessing.

i know gab thought the idea of her bro being our sperm donor was yuk.  dont know if would have been diff if it was my bro and her though .....


axxxx


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## Guest

Personally I could never do this as I would find it emotionally very messy, but I do know a couple who met later in life and had both had children from marriages, and they said they would have gone down that route if they wanted more children. I think it is a totally personal choice and if all those involved are happy then why not. My only concern would be if he wants to have his own family or how he would feel when the child arrives but I guess that is the same for any known donor. I think the main thing is that you don't worry about the opinions of others when you are making your decision except for those who would be involved xx These BFNs are bloody hard aren't they


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## Lucky1968

We talked about it with DP's, at the time single, twin brother.  As this would be biologically the closest thing we could manage to DP's DNA it was very tempting, but in the end we rejected it incase the baby actually felt more like his child than hers and got an anonymous donor.

Hope this helps


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