# Meeting with foster family post placement



## Moni17 (Aug 16, 2011)

I wonder if anyone would be willing to share their experiences of meeting up with the foster family post placement. Our LO is 13 months old and has been with us for 2 months. We were told by our LA that we should arrange to meet up with her foster family approx 6 weeks post placement. This has not been arranged yet as the foster family have not come back to me with dates but I am a bit worried thst LO will be unsettled by the meeting so soon after placement. LO was with the foster family from birth and so had strong attachments to them. Any thoughts on this would be gratefully received x


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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

I am not sure whether you read my post in the adoption buddies thread. Basically  I was pointing out the loss of our LO's from the FC point of view and have copied it into here. My DH and I are approaching the end of a concurrent placement having had the LO since shortly after birth. We were FC first and foremost.  Unfortunately for us but not for LO this does not look like it is ending in adoption. we are in the heartbreaking situation of helping to reunite LO to her BF. We are coping well with this and much better than we ever thought we would have if we found ourselves in this situation. The thing that is making it so much easier for us is that the plan when she returns home is that we will still have regular ongoing contact with the LO in the form of respite for BF for the short term future. When I asked our SW who is excellent and very up to date in current research and practice if this would not be confusing to LO she said no. LO can have more than one significant people in their lives and they need to see that loving adults don't just disappear from their lives so she can learn to trust others. We are pleased with this as we need reassurance and to see for ourselves that LO will be happy and cared for. I don't think after devoting almost a year of our love and life to this gorgeous LO I could have simply accepted from a SW or a letter that she was doing well. Also the BF have been told that they have to acknowledge for now that we as the FC are the ones who know LO the best and they have to be willing to accept support from us until such times as they become the ones who know her the best. If this is the case for BF surely this is true for the new adoptive parents. You have your forever family now and no one is taking that away from you, please please just acknowledge the awesome job these FC have done in the lives of your LO's and give them their time to grieve, say goodbye, create memories and get reassurance their LO's are happy and content. Hope this is helpful to come of you.


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## Moni17 (Aug 16, 2011)

Hi pinklady,  thanks for showing me your previous post which I had not read. I can see from the other posts on that thread that others have shared my concerns but have generally had positive outcomes from contact with FC. We have always intended to keep in contact with FC and indeed have sent her texts and photos post placement. We have also asked her to give us dates for meeting up but have not heard from her. I will chase her up but just wanted to hear from others that it is usual for the meeting to take place so soon after as LO is still adjusting and I do feel that she will be unsettled by the meeting.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and I'm sorry to hear of your very difficult situation x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi there 

We had an 11 placed last year who was with FC from birth..We was told under no circumstances do we meet with FC for at least 6m as could disrupt current placement if lo becomes unsettled...

We had such an amazing relationship with FC we text everyday and when lo younger sibling was placed with them 3 months later we went to visit, it was arranged in a mutual place and he was absolutely fine! Went straight over and obviously knew who she was but didn't know why he felt safe. Returning home there was no issues in attachment with us so happy days. We told SS we visited and they weren't happy but we returned and met FC every 6 weeks...We go to their house now, again LO is extreamly comfortable there but no problems for us when we get home.

We've just had our celebration hearing and they came to the party which was amazing . I'm hoping we can continue to see them frequently, it's only the miles that keep us away from them x


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

We did not have a very good relationship with FC and were very against the idea of meeting up but were told by SW that we should. Met on neutral ground at local junior farm. We were so pleased that LO did not seem to recognise FC and we had no problems at home afterwards. We don't plan to meet again x


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

I adopted C at 10 months and met up initially with fc at 6 weeks post placement. He clearly remembered her but no upset when we left (in part of feel because fc was affectionate to him but did not treat him like hers if that makes sense and neutral location). Our ongoing email and text contact went so well for us all that we now regularly meet up with C and her long term foster kids.
Really hope you have a positive experience, Kiz  xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

We had our son at 10 months and met with f/c about two months after.  It was unsettling for him, but so was everything else at that stage and he recovered.  I think it was helpful for him to see that they hadn't just vanished.  We then didn't see them for six months or so to really reinforce us as parents, but since then we see them regularly.  They are great and really supported the move to us.  They treat us as Mummy and Daddy and like to just see our son and observe.  They show an interest but mostly chat to us.  They basically get it completely right so it works.  Our son was in care from birth and he loves to hear about his time with his foster carers, clearly likes them, but we are Mummy and Daddy and there is no doubt in his mind that we're his parents.

We had our daughter at 19 months.  We couldn't meet up two months after placement as originally planned because the foster carer was too ill.  We never subsequently saw her.  She really didn't want to let go of our daughter and was very hostile to us.  It just wouldn't have been good for her for many many reasons.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We didn't have a good relationship with the FC, never ended up meeting with her and have no contact at all.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi - we were told by SW we needed to meet with our LO's foster carer only 2 weeks after he was placed with us so he could allow his grief to the surface and deal with it. He is 9 months! I was pretty distraught at this idea and felt it was far too soon but we went ahead as we felt we had no choice.

On the day he clearly remembered her and at one point he crawled to her but actually spent most of the time clinging to me. Should say we met at a play centre so neutral ground. When we left to go home he was clearly happy to be leaving with us and smiled all the way home. Next day however he screamed most of the day - after this though he really did seem to settle down, his eating improved which had been a big problem, he went to bed easier. He still wakes at night but overall I think seeing the FC was positive for him and it was me that was resistant to it.

Good luck.


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello. Our lo came home at 9 months after being with fc since the day after she was born. Us meeting up with fc is something that has never been discussed by anyone involved at any stage, but we keep in contact via email sending her updates 3 or 4 times a year.  This was very much left up to us  as to whether we wanted to do it which we very much do as fc did such an amazing job with little pink. She was quite unsettled for quite a while after she came home if she heard certain songs or theme tunes for TV programmes that fc had on all the time so not sure how she would have coped with meeting up with them. As with everything in adoption land, it seems to differ from agency to agency and even sw to Sw. Good luck


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Our LO was 17 months when she came to us.  She had been with FC since 3 weeks old.  We were advised by SW not to meet before 6 months at the earliest.  We got on very well with them, and texted and emailed regularly in the first few months.  We met up after 6 months at a local stately home (discounted entry for looked after children, great playground and plenty of space to run around, and good coffee shop).  It was very emotional for them but they got to see her very relaxed and happy, and she ran around with everyone, and we could chat (they have a grown up daughter too so 5 adults there). We have met them every 6 months since, once at a farm, once a country park and its gone well. She just knows them as friends of Mum and  Dad at the moment, and we have fun when we see them.  We email and text too every few weeks.  We feel its important to keep in touch as they have that information about her earlier life.  Its not to hard as they are easy to get on with and only a couple of hours away from us.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Our ds was with his FC from 5 weeks old until 10 months.


We first meet them at a settling in date 8 weeks after placement.


We got on very well with them and continue to meet up every 4 months or so.  


Ds knows them as auntie and uncle and loves seeing them. They also have a daughter who is 18 and it's good for her as she was distraught when ds left the family home.


It's nice keeping in touch as they can see how he has changed and if I have questions about his early life they are the best people to ask.




We see them as Good friends and hope to keep this friendship going for years to come.


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