# how much adoption leave recommended?



## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

hello ladies after some advice... just got another BFN and although i know we will need 6 months off, starting to think about adoption. we are keen to adopt siblings. decision not made yet, but i have wanted to adopt since i was about 10. i was a strange child 

how much time off do LA/VAs expect you to take to allow LOs to 'settle in'? we need to start planning financially...i have read on others posts that adoption leave can be upto a year? i had thought 6 months? i guess depends on the LO of course...and the LA/V and SW..thoughts much appreciated.

I will be the main caregiver during the day, with my MiL (who is v keen, will be paid and been the child minder for her other grandkids, she used to be a teaching assistant and i think will be seen as a great 'asset'). I work p/t for a 4 person consultancy firm. it would be very difficult for me to take 6 months or more off at short notice - i am the main sales earner for the business and if i took that much time off we would probably go bust. I love my career - i am an environmental consultant and very passionate about what i do. LOs would come first, obviously but if i can i really want to keep my job going. 

my 'plan' has always been that dh would take the adoption leave as he is a teacher in a large department and it will be much easier for his employer to cope with. dh is fine with this of course! i was aiming to only work 50% and after a couple of months or so could cut it further. i am very lucky i work from home and can choose my hours, so there is lots of flexibility. we can figure out when would be best for MiL to get involved (interested in anyones thoughts on that).


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Current adoption leave is a year and, especially with siblings who will both/all need your attention, it is expected that you will take most or all of this.
But if your husband can take most of it, that should be fine.
Frankly it is not really your problem how your employer (or his) copes with you going on leave. Just plan well and they will manage without you.


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

You can split adoption leave. I had 6 months and DH had the rest. 
Whatever you plan for, when the time comes the best laid plans go out the window! I went back to work too early. Our DD could really have done with more time with me.
Agree with the Spouses - I was a mess when I went back to work, got no thanks for coming back stupidly early and to be honest, your child comes first - they'll cope. They would have to if you were pg....!

Good luck!


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi,
We were recommended a year by our LA but it didn't matter which of us took the leave or if was split. We were advised though that for matching - which is competitive here - that priority was given to those (if there were a number of prospective parents) who took the longest time off or even gave up work. This happened in our case as I have become a SAHM.  Even if you adopt a school age child they still like a year off for consistency if there is problems at school or absence due to illness. 


I also thought that by my Mum retiring it would give our application a boost but was actually questioned by our matching panel as as the main lady put it she is a Grandma and can be bit OTT in her affections and how could that affect a child that needs to bond with you and your DH over a period of time. I had to explain that this was a long term plan even though I was giving up work and it was just to give extra support if needed in the future. 


Good luck


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## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

hi ladies
oops sorry i didnt reply earlier, was in london for my cycle review yesterday. 

thanks so much it does help.. i guess i will need to plan/budget between us we take a year. that will probably mean i wont have a job at the end of it  but having a family is more important at the end of the day.

kestra that is interesting re it being 'competitive' and obviously we will want to maximise our chances. yes i guess we will need to emphasise MiL is there as a long term childcare option. my MiL is loving but not hugely affectionate, and more a calm and steady character. tho when at my SiLs house she shares a bed with my nephew who goes to sleep holding her hand!!!

jitterbug what did you do after going back to work, did you try to get more time off for dd or did you manage somehow?


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## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

btw kestra loving your bay! what did the sw think of it? we have a T25 (yes an ugly brick but we still love it  )


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi 
The van is now green after we treated her to a new paint job for passing her mot!!

Our SW loved the van as another thing they look at is lifestyle and ensuring that the children aren't going to have a sedantry life. However, they do advise that to ensure that your LO is settled and feels secure before going away. We got little dude in Feb and went away for the first time the week before Easter and he has been brilliant! I have to say that we had him playing in the van first so he got to know it and included it in his intro book so he was all excited about it and we probably could have gone away sooner!! I think it also helps it so obviously not there new home like hiring a cottage could confuse them. 

We have been thinking of getting a t25 in a few years as they are so much more practical with lo's! But I don't think we will be able to part with 'The Shed' as she is called though!

Do you go to any of the vw shows as we put about them in our report and how child friendly they are.
XxX


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## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

hey kestra, ooh a new paint job! that is something to get excited about  we had ours sprayed blue & cream a couple of years ago after tackling the rust, its a devon moonraker so still got some of the interior charm if not quite got it in the kerbside looks department haha. great to hear your sw saw it as a positive thing, most kids love ours. T25's are great, though i think if you already have a good runner its worth its weight in gold. depends how many LOs you need to fit in there tho lol. 

we may have to sell ours for financial reasons  IVF has drained us dry and sales at work are down so my income is not reliable... but we're holding on to it as long as we can. 

to our shame havent managed a single show, which was one of the reasons we got the van. IVf started fairly soon after so with that and my FiL getting v ill we dont use our poor van as much it deserves (used every week and runs great, but not enough time on the open road!). do you have any fave shows? always wanted to go to santa pod.. we love going walking in the peaks in ours, but shows may be a more attractive option with LOs than clocking up miles of hill climbs in the rain!


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## apparition (Apr 20, 2007)

Hi van guys
Dh and I have an Eldiss 5 berth - real old timer too and had wondered what SW would think of it and our hoped for child would feel about a second travelling home.

You have put my mind at rest as it has been our 'baby' during our treatment  and our escape.
It is classed as part of even the extended family  and had even featured on Christmas cards etc.
Daft I know - but you guys seem to understand.

Understand the financial worry but if I have to take her off the road for a bit we will - couldn't give her up.

Apps


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

There is no way you can lose your job during adoption leave - they have to give you your job back!


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## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

hey apparition so we have our FF van appreciation society  glad you are enjoying your eldis! i think people with campers get v emotionally attached. i am a logical person but there is nothing logical about our van or what we have spent on it  lots of luck with the adoption process.

thespouses, unfortunately if we (my employer) go bankrupt not much can be done in terms of adoption leave, other than if i go back to self employed. hopefully will manage to turn things around at work and get a good fee earner on board. crunch time for cashflow in 3 weeks, but being so small it is pretty likely to happen again if i am not around - unless we get someone else in to take the load off  me in terms of bringing home the bacon. i had a m/c last yr and took my eye of the ball at work and so sales have suffered. i dont blame myself at all, but in reality its part of the reason cashflow is looking rather dire. I appreciate my employers legal responsibilities, but that wont mean much if they have gone bust. however i walked into this job with my eyes open and have had lots of flexibility with taking (unpaid) time off for ivf, so no regrets. just presents some err financial planning problems! dh is a teacher, so that is as reliable an income as we can hope for these days. we will be able to pay bills & eat , so we are in a much better situation than some & i'm not moaning, just have to save save save and plan


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Mungo, I totally get what you're talking about with the job!  I'm in a big beaurocracy these days but used to work for little charities and small companies.... I vividly remember the year new contracts weren't signed until three months into the financial year and it had turned out that CE had stopped taking a wage...  Yowsers.



I think that if, when you plan, and when you discuss it, you plan around the important things - your child's needs, the strengths you can bring to bear, the flexibility you'll have in future and DH's ability to take adoption leave securely, you'll probably be alright.  Stress meeting the child's needs, rather than your anxieties about the job.  

Don't forget you can mix n match your and your DH's entitlement, and can add in annual leave entitlements (which continue to accrue through adoption leave).  Currently we're discussing with SW an option where I take a few weeks annual leave, DH takes a month's adoption leave concurrently, then when his month runs out, he goes back to work and I take nine months adoption leave, topping it up with annual leave on the end as necessary.

I thought I 'had' to take a year, but my SW was quite surprised when I was struggling to plan around that.  She was happy with less.  And they should not be expressing a gender bias about who should stay home longest!  Although some children do come with a preference about primary care giver, but that's a matching issue.

I will say, though, that it seems to me that voluntary agencies  (VAs) seem to be more flexible, and more understanding of individual circumstances, than some Local Authorities.  Don't forget to check which VAs you can apply with where you are, and check them out.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Just something else to think about, our son was older when placed and already in YR 1 at school, I intended to take 6-9 months off before returning to work, it soon became obvious that our son just would not cope with me returning to work even though it would have been hubby here when I was not, 2 yrs and 4 months later and I am still nowhere near able to think about returning to work.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

OT but can i join in the campervan club   we have a 1971 Bay called Heinz and we are currently in a huuuuuge discussion about upgrading to a newer van   i cant bear the thought of letting Heinz go, he is part of us in every way..i went to the church in him to get married to dh... but there are sooo many good reasons why we should upgrade..i should be so atteched to a heap of old rust and quirks but i am  

kj x


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

How new KJ? 

We updated our 1972 bay to a 1979 bay as it has a bigger engine and better on hills! We sold the old one but missed it so much bought the newer one. We got a bigger engine as we were fed up of planning routes around big hills and motorways so this one is fab for that. We even tow a matching green trailer as DH says he doesn't notice it is there! The only downside is that we pay road tax boooooooooo!!!

I just see it as an investment as it just keeps making money and we could never afford to buy another one now as you can't get anything decent for less than £9000. And I don't think little dude will ever speak to us again if we sold it as he loved it from the time he saw it in his intro's book!! He kept telling his foster mum it was 'his van'!

Better go as taking little dude to the museum to get messy in the play zone!

XxX


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

As a teacher your husbands adoption pay will almost certainly be more generous than you would receive if you took it. Worth looking into what he would get. I would think 6 months would be expected.


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Can I just say I'm very jealous of the van owners, I have always wanted one but hubby says no!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

I'm not sure how new Kestra..i'm refusing to look at any  but i fear dh has something quite new and sparkly..we dont have any loans at the mo so thinks can take on one....his idea is to sell his new version beetle (its 10 years old now) and Heinz to make a little stash..and he will use the new van as his daily driver..he doesnt have a big commute to work. the main things he wants is power steering (be nice for me too..being short i find driving heinz near impossible and v neck-pain-inducing) beds in the roof, swivalling front seats, bigger bed and more 'living' space. all of these things sound fab to me..however they wont replace the character of Heinz  I think after 20 years of 'investing' in Heniz and getting short change dh has had enough..and it doesnt sometimes feel like the best use of money as all the 'quirks'/negatives mean we dont use him as much as we should  its also impossible to safely strap the 2 kids in the back now which means i have to ride in the back all the time while DD lords it up front in MY seat 

i did peek at this http://www.doubleback.co.uk/ and became quite interested for a moment....although prices are  and we def couldnt stretch to one!

kj x

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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

Love the Doubleback - great idea - never seen one before! Sure it costs a scary amount of money! 

I too am sat in the back of the van to let little dude sit safely in the front and I also can't drive the van as far too heavy and can't move the sit and am also on the v short side so can't reach pedals and gear stick easily! But is also meant I could always enjoy a few drinks as could never drive!!! Some T25's do have character and may be worth looking at and they are a lot cheaper to buy for the time being.

XxX


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i dont think anything will beat Heinz for character   i too have alos enjoyed the years of dh driving but tbh i think he's a bit tired of it now after 20 odd years of it, really is my turn  
the debate continues  
kjx


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Hi Mungo 
Sorry I've only just come back to this and saw your question...
My DH and I split the leave, but the problem was that our DD really attached to me (to the point of clinginess / obsession, having never had a consistent mother-figure (BM just wasn't there emotionally and FC so very busy with younger kids) in her life and rejected DH totally having never had a positive male in her life). That made it very difficult for DH and I felt c*** and was absolutely worried all the time in work. Sometimes I was phoning her 3-4 times a day to reassure her i was coming back (luckily in my job I can do that!) - but you can imagine what I walked into when I got home... Like you I felt bad because of the whole small firm thing, but do you know what - the firm's still there and they're ok. Our DD has a birth sib now and we are looking at adopting this little one too (vvvvv early days!) and believe me I won't make the same mistake again!
Good luck in whatever you decide, I know how hard it is when you feel responsible for everything... (I always think though - and I'm reminding myself daily! - my family will always be there for me and when I'm on my deathbed my boss sure as hell isn't going to congratulate me on having an excellent filing system (v trite and sarcastic but you know what I mean!!)
JB xxx


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi,

Just another point - if you were run over by a bus and seriously injured what contingency plan do have they in place for losing their main earner? I am sure that they have had to think of something as unless you own the business it is very unfair to put so much pressure on you.

I agree with Jitterbug - work is only a small part of our lives - even though it pays for it - but there are always other jobs - you don't get those first memories back again. On my SW desk she has this quote;

One hundred years from now, It will not matter what kind of car I drove, What kind of house I lived in, Or how much money I had in the bank, But the world may be a better place because I made a difference in a child's life.
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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

OMG Kestra I love that quote! 
I always say to DH, what seems massive now, in 6 months or a year really won't be important! We had big issues with DD at the start and now we look back and are amazed we got so stressed (other issues now of course, but it helps to keep perspective!!)


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## mungoadams (May 20, 2011)

i am really sorry i havent responded it is really rude of me. i am afraid you may have seen several apologies from me not responding to my own posts. no excuse really, but looks like my employer is going bust, so that combined with the last BFN has put me in a bit of a state and i have been avoiding forums. sorry. really rude!

jitterbug yes i know you're right. i changed jobs when we started  IVF for that reason... but seems i havent got away from it completely. we may well be going bust anyway, so all this could be with a different employer now, which is sort of funny.. if i get a job!  

oh bless kestra that is a nice quote  well seems not a great contingency plan as part of the reason we're going bust is cos they overrelied on me, so when i took planned unpaid leave for IVF it started to go a bit tits up!

keemjay hey oo you and kestra with your bays. sooo jealous! lol. yes we have the old vs newer discussion regularly. our van is 1982 and a pretty good runner, but not really reliable enough.. T4's supposed to be pretty reliable, but think v hard to get one without v high mileage.. heard good & bad things about reliability of T5's, tho we are tempted if we had the money (haha such a big if). that doubleback is kind of cool, tho mad. 

snapdragon good point, i need to check his AL out.. tho maybe all a bit academic if i am unemployed..

thespouses lol. well having a van isnt logical.. so your dh has a point. its more of a rather silly emotional bond with something expensive, potentially unreliable and prone to rust... BUT i can make a cuppa & have a crumpet at the drop of a hat. if away for the day i will often do just that, partly to make ppl jealous hehe. maybe you can hire one and get him to fall in love? thats how i persuaded dh hehe.

our T25 was 3k and needed 4k of work (small bit of welding & full exterior paintjob - but we didnt get it sandblasted so 4 yrs later about to spend another 800 quid on sorting rust out).. it is reliable ish...tho it has a habit of refusing to start on the days when i need car & dh is driving to work. i think we have only had one major breakdown tho; but it has done several thousand miles in 4 years, so shouldnt complain. as ours is an 82 devon moonraker it has a late 70's style interior so has a little bit of that retro feel, but i freely admit i hanker for a bay and always will! our is a 2l petrol so after tuning (now got an electric tuner thing!) we get around 22 mpg we think. thats nearly one third of what our 2008 focus diesel does! cant believe i am on FF wittering about our van lol.  there are some pretty late T25 models you can get from south africa that do have power steering etc.but they are still 20 year old vehicles. , and many mid 80's vans from germany with great westie interiors if you want a leftie. I still love my brick, but hanker for a bay, and we're sort of drawn to T5s.. if i ever win the lotto i would get oen of each and a splittie! if you already have a bay i could justify to myself it was an investment. even t25's hold their value, tho I doubt we will make anything on it (splashed out on an electric fan & heater..).  yeh the safety aspect worries me and i am not sure you ever really know how safe they are. 

sorry v off topic!


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