# IUI - Opinions please - Am I being selfish?



## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi
My name is Fraggles, and I am a multi-poster. I am single, 41 and am due to go for IUI next week. I thought it all through, decided to go it alone. Now it is so close and possibly after reading a daily mail article about single mums and the horrible readers comments am wondering if I am being selfish to bring a child into the world without a father. Am I acting like a spoilt child who wants the latest toy. I was so sure about it but don't know if all people going for IVF or all people who are trying for children has this little bit of doubt about how they will cope, but also particularly because I am being single, I feel I am judging myself but also am thinking about the judgement of others.
I need some words of wisdom and sharing please. I am meant to book flights tonight or tomorrow but am unsure what to do.
Thanks
Fraggles xx


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

i don't think you are being selfish at all - children need good parents whether that is one parent or two. 
don't worry about what anyone else will think of you, the only opinion that matters is your own.
i think its natural to have cold feet and uncertainties at times, its such a big decision so you're bound to have a few wobbles.
x


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## Stalyvegas (Oct 14, 2007)

I dont think you are being selfish, im sure you have thought it through and made a decision about wanting a child. Why dont you pop onto the single ladies board, im sure you will get some opinions and im sure words of wisdom on there  
R
x


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## armi (Sep 1, 2007)

Fraggles
You really need to sit back and think do you want this baby!!! What would your life be like if you don't have a little one? I suspect that Joey is right and you have a severe case of the collys!!!I am in a 12 year marriage and still wonder how we will cope with our DD and any future babies. I have many sinlge Mum friends, in fact families in this country and worldwide come in many different guises....
Again can you imagine a life sans babies?


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Fraggles, replied on one of the other threads, but just sending a few more   here

I guess all of us singlies are to some extent grieving the loss of doing things the more 'traditional' way - many of us imagined we'd meet Mr Right, get married, have babies - in that order. And it hasn't happened. And we feel sad about that, and society doesn't help (espec not Daily Mail reading society) by telling us that children need 2 parents, that you should only bring children into the world within a marriage etc etc. 

At the end of the day, you know what's right for you, so stick by that...and don't let others pull you down
Good luck,
Suitcase
x


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

Fraggles - I'm sorry you are having a hard time but believe me what you are feeling is quite natural.  I think most of us have had a few wobbles before beginning a cycle.     You have obviously thought about your decision to go it alone for a long time.  To even get to this stage you would have had to go through a number of tests and visits to the clinic which I think should also include a session with a counsellor cos you are using donor sperm and you could have pulled out at anytime if you wanted to.

The Daily Mail typically preaches a rather conservative, one sided view of how society should be and I don't think you should go with everything you read in that paper.  There are many women who have decided to go it alone and because of all of the thought we have put into conceiving our child we have all considered the positives and negatives of raising a child on our own.  We have considered the financial side and are prepared to make huge sacrifices to achieve our dream.  Any child is therefore well longed for and would be born into a loving if unconventional family. There are, however, many choice mums out there  I just don't think they shout about it.  I would have thought it would be more selfish to go out and sleep with some bloke just to get pregnant.

I agree with what joeyrella says in that the only opinion that matters is your own.  My mother said the same thing to me just before I started down this journey when I was worried about what people would think.  

Go for it and good luck with your IUI next week. Let us know how you get on.

Sima


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Fraggles honey - you are planning to bring into the world a baby who is loved and cherished!  So many bring children into the world that they didn't really want - your baby has been planned right down to its little toe x x x 
Big big hugs x x


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## estella (Nov 1, 2009)

It's not the dream I would have imagined either, but I have a beautiful daughter who is the love of my life and am hoping for another little one. Its all worth it when you see their gorgeous smiles. And I kinda feel that having kids is a basic human right, if you (and I feel a lot of ladies on this board are in the same boat) are stable, have love to give and have no major mony worries then bringing a child into a loving environment is a wonderful thing to do.
I also feel that it's a wonderful twist of fate that we find ourselves in this unusual situation and are going to bring a child into the world against so many odds. The child will be happy that it was given the gift of life.

Estella xxx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi Fraggles

I really understand how you feel. It took me months to make the decision to start TTC (went to the clinic open day a whole 6 months before my first appointment there), then just before my first treatment i had a real melt down, thinking am i being selfish, am i a strong enough person to do this alone, am i good enough person to be a mum - talking to friends who have kids many said this was kindda how they felt when they 1st found out they were pregnant and the enormity of the changes they faced hit! 

But as soon as i had my 1st treatment i was overwhealmed by the excitement that i could be on my way to becoming a mum and there could be a baby inside me. Sadly both IUIs so far haven't worked, and even though sometimes i still feel stressed and scarred by it all (and as you say other peoples reactions) i know deep down when i look to the future i can only imagine it with a baby in, and this is right for me.

I hope you have friends/family to support and love you during this really tough time, take care of you and good luck whatever you decide. 

Love Krissi  x


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