# When is all this going to end?!



## Nicola1

Yesterday I got a birth notice in the post from my friend -it was her 3rd baby, I've been waiting for this. It took her a bit longer, 6 months I think, to have this one - she told me she understood now how I feel! She desperately wanted a 3rd one because most of her friends had 3! Today, I got one from another friend (I didn't even know whe was pregnant). It's her 2nd. I know there's another one going to drop through my letterbox any day. 

I feel so awful now. I can't talk to my Mum or my sister, they say I've got to relax & be happy for these other women. My husband tries, but doesn't really understand. My single friends are lovely but don't understand & the ones with babies don't either. 

I feel so desperate; I wish I had a problem then at least I could concentrate on that, but they said everything is normal, so why isn't it b*****y working!
I don't feel like there's any purpose to my life anymore. I'm not really interested in anything else; I wish I was. I try to be, for everyone else, I hardly ever cry any more (except this morning).

God, this sounds so depressing, I'm sorry. I just had to tell someone & you are the only people who understand.
Thanks for listening
x


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## Mel

Nicola,

I can completely understand how you are feeling, in fact i think we all can on here, im so sorry you are feeling this way, its easy for people to say be happy for your friends but they dont feel the hurt and longing we do.

Its hard to cope with and i dont know how i got through it i just did - well actually i didnt see my friend for ages but i couldnt stand it any longer because i missed my friend so much.

You will get through this and you will have your much longed for child one day, this IF stuff has proved one thing to us that we have to try and have the patience of a saint.

All i can say is hang on in there sweetheart and hang on to your dreams and to the hope, and never forget these feelings are natural, we all go through them.

Take care of yourself

Mel

x x


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## cindyp

Nicola

Don't give up hope. I know just how you feel, in the past years when I've been trying, my 4 closest friends have given birth to 11 children! Like you the doctors could find nothing wrong with us and we just ploughed on and on waiting for things for work. Because I was getting older we decided to try IVF. I'd read an article that compared unknown fertility to having your car not start. The doctors can check the basic stuff, battery, oil, petrol, etc but IVF is like getting your car on the ramp and checking the engine. I thought even if it didn't work it might explain what was happening. The IVF didn't work because the eggs and sperm didn't come together to fertilise, obviously our unknown problem. The doctors suggested ICSI to overcome this problem and to our amazement it worked first time!!

You don't say what treatment you've tried so far and I don't know how old you are. I don't suggest you go straight to IVF, all I suggest is that you don't give up. If they can't find anything wrong this means they can't find a reason why it can't happen for you some day. There are ladies on this site who have had a break from their treatment and then fallen pregnant naturally so you never know what could happen.

As for my friends children, I learnt to enjoy being with them and treat it as practice for when I have my own, learning from my friends' mistakes. It's not the most charitable thing to do but it makes me feel good sometimes to say to myself "Well I'll do that better with my own kids".

I hope you feel better for having got your feelings off your chest, I know I've done the same in the past.

Hope your dreams come true.
Cindy


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## Nicola1

Mel & Cindy,
thank you so much for your replies - you made me feel a whole lot better & as usual, not alone.
I'm 35, been ttc 4 years. I haven't had any conventional treatment, I'm having acupuncture & herbs at the moment. I always believed there was a problem with me - I had very bad digestion, migraines & was underweight. After many years, I finally feel I have my problems under control. Since starting the acupuncture in January, I'm now almost my 'ideal' weight & everything else seems to be better. I never wanted to start any treatment until I felt my body was okay.

I'm not sure where to go now. My Chinese Dr. says it will happen, but it will take a few months for the herbs to do their stuff. I'm sure you understand, I feel I'm getting older & time is running out. We've got an appointment with an IF Dr. next week - a diff. one from the original Dr. who I saw 2 years ago & was awful. It really put me off the IF clinic.

Anyway, just having a very bad day. I bought 2 'Congratulations on your birth...' cards today, but I can't bring myself to write them yet.

Thanks again,
Nicola x


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## GAIL M

Hi Nicola,

Sorry your feeling so down. 
I know its so hard when everyone around seems to be having babies but when you read some of the threads about all the positives  that have happened recently it does give you hope.

Try to keep strong, 
Luv Gail M x


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## vicki.l

Hi nicola,i completely understand how youv felt.When i was first told i couldnt have chlildren naturally my sister informed me she was pregnant with her 2nd & when i had our first ivf,she was giving birth.She once said to me that i need to have some other focus in lifeor id go nutty & i felt like hitting her for that breif point because all i wanted from her was some understanding,she too had struggled to conceive when younger and i remember her upset as others were falling.but she couldnt hold on to that feeling to empathise.I work day in & out with parents and babies,thats my job & if i would have let it,it would have destroyed me and admittedly,i have off days when its hard.But what gets me through it is thinking when anyones pregnant that we appreciate in a different way just how special that is and therfore it will be that little bit more special for us.hope you feel alittle brighter,there will be good & bad days but we all need to focus on that light at the end of the tunnel.And its support from others on this site that help me strive toward that light.vicki xxxx


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## Nicola1

Thank you Vicki,
You are so right about the good & bad days; one minute I'm thinking it'll all be okay & it will happen & the next, that I'm completely incapable of getting pregnant. My sister has one son, aged 6, after 3 miscarriages but she still didn't understand. She divorced then re-married & has been trying over a year to conceive & her attitude towards me is totally different. 

I tend to avoid telling people who have children as they mean well but always seem to say something that makes me want to explode!

I haven't had any conventional treatment yet - I'm having acupuncture etc. I do feel different but it's the not knowing what's going to happen that drives me crazy (& everyone else on this site!!) I guess we have all been so used to being in control of our lives that not having any control whatsoever over this,makes it so hard.
Enough waffling, thanks again for your message.
Good luck, Nicola x


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