# After Much Soul Searching - Decided Not To Proceed



## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Hello Girls. 

I posted a while ago introducing myself and explaining that I was considering TTC with anonymous donor sperm. 
At the time I wasn't entirely convinced it was the right move for me but thought it was my only realistic option given that I am 41. 
However I've done nothing but fret and toss and turn in the past few weeks and this weekend finally decided not to go ahead. The fact that I feel massively relieved since making that decision makes me believe it is the right one. 
I just can't get my head around the idea that I will be having a child by a man I've never met, can't picture and whose voice I have never heard. I worry about daft things such as how the kids will look through to more serious stuff about whether the child will be full of anger and resentment when he/she is older. 
I've also done a huge amount of research and, realistically, my chances of conceiving with frozen sperm in this way are pretty slim and I don't really have the money to try multiple times. 
I looked into adoption a couple of years ago and ruled that out too. I think, perhaps, this is my way of dealing with the prospect of being childless - if it happens then at least I can say I considered other options. 
I have nothing but admiration for the single women on here that are forging ahead and wish you all much BFP success. 
Given my decision and the slightly wobbly way I am feeling at the moment I don't think I will come to the gathering at the weekend. 
Thanks for all your help and advice previously


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Violet, 

Congratulations for making the decision. It's just as brave to decide not to go ahead as it is to go ahead. You've obviously spent a lot of time thinking about it and I think if you felt that sense of massive relief, then that really tells you that you have made the right decision for you.

Quite understand that you wouldn't want to come along at the weekend. Wishing you all the very best in the future. And you know where we are if you want to come back and chat at any time - you'd be more than welcome  

Laura
x


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## kylecat (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi violet - just wanted to say that we will miss you on saturday but quite understand why you would not want to come. Good luck with everything for the future

Best wishes

Katiexx


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## Roo67 (Feb 12, 2007)

Hi Violet,
Just to echo what the others have said, good luck with your future and if you ever want to chat feel free to come back and visit us.

Love roo xx


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Violet

None of this is easy is it...  Just wanted to wish you well in the future and wanted to mention that there is a 'Moving on - deciding and accepting' board on FF just in case it might be helpful for you.

Take care

Some1
xx


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Hi Violet,

Everyone has said it all really, am glad you have come to your decision and it feels right, just wanted to wish you luck and happiness for the future

Take care  

Jovi x


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Thank you very much for your kind words everyone - they do mean a lot. 

I'm definitely going to keep dipping in to follow your progess and live vicariously through all of your TTC adventures !


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Much love Violet

Its a difficult decision - for me anyway!
As the others said - we're always here. Pop back whenever you like

xxxx


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Take car Violet, sounds like you've gone through the mil and back again.
Keep smiling
Rachel x


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Violet

Just thought you might be interested to know about Infertility Network UK's sister charity, More to Life, for people like you moving on after failed fertility treatment.  They have a website I think.


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Thanks Nat - but I've never actually had fertility treatment. 
I'm in a different boat in that I appear to be very fertile  - i just can't lay my hands on any sperm!


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Teach me for skimming rather than reading properly - apologies!  I think MoretoLife is for everyone moving on and not having children so it might still be useful.  Good luck.

Natalie


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