# Help! First foster child arriving tonight!



## deboulla (May 15, 2009)

Hi Ladies

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, but I am in a bit of a panic   . I had a call one hour ago from our SW to ask if we could take a toddler in who they believe is at risk and needs to be moved TODAY! Of course, we said yes but now I'm running round the house like a moron trying to get organised. We are not in the UK so things are a little different here and I won't know any more info about the child until later on.

He is about 2 and a half years old and I'm trying to think what I need to get him? We have some clothes, a bed and bedding, pyjamas and slippers, a few games, toys, plastic bowls, plates, cups, cutlery etc, a potty........is there anything really obvious I am forgetting here, my mind is like mush right now I am sooooo excited yet terrified   .

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Thanks
Debbie


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## Guest (Dec 29, 2010)

I remember the feeling when we got our first (two!) foster children, although we had a bit more notice.  

You sound pretty organised, lthough a couple of things you've not mentioned - waterproof covers for the bed and nit treatment stuff!  

I'm sure you'll do a fab job, but he is likely to need a lot of attention and reassurance and expect him to regress to a much younger age.  

What about food - stick to simple child friendly stuff and don't stress if he chooses not to eat/overeat.  

Good luck/have fun
Bop


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

hi, 


As Bop said you do sound organised - but good luck all the same!!
Have you got nappies?


hope it all goes well


love
T
xx


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## Stretch (Jul 8, 2008)

Hi Debbie,

Just stumbled across your post and thought I might mention nappies or dry night nappies as at 2.5 he may well not be potty trained.  He might also still have a bottle for his bedtime milk? Apart from that a duck or two for the bath and a nice snuggly teddy   

Good luck xx


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## deboulla (May 15, 2009)

Thanks for all your ideas. 

Nappies we have but I'm going out now for Nit stuff and bath toys!!

DH is at work and has no idea we may have a child in the house when he gets home   

Still waiting to hear more from the SW.

Thanks again x


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## Guest (Dec 30, 2010)

Hope your first night as a foster mum went well.

Bop


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## deboulla (May 15, 2009)

After legal problems with the court, the little boy was finally brought to us at lunch time on New Years Eve. He is just 3 and has 2 half sisters (8 & 10) who are both in a childrens home. We were also asked to take the youngest daughter for one or two nights a week to help the little one settle. We had them both Friday & Saturday and now the eldest has gone back and it's just the three of us.

I think we are doing ok, but these kids are disturbed (if thats the right word   ) by the most horrendous short life you can imagine. The little boy is confused and although he laughs and plays and gives us kisses and cuddles, he is asking for his mummy and asks if we can a visit her. The little girl has seen more in her short life than I hope I ever see and some of the things she says make me want to cry. 

The only other problem we are having is with his toilet training! He was dry in the day using pull up pants only during the night. The first day he was fine, we kept asking if he wanted to go to the toilet and he would tell us yes or no and had no accidents. Since then he has got worse and worse, saying NO and then peeing on the floor   . I was expecting this (thanks to Bop  ) but wondered how to handle it? Keep trying as we have been doing, or use pull ups in the day as well as asking him if he needs the toilet? He seems to be eating a lot more than expected, he obviously wasn't fed on a regular basis so now when he sees his lunch, his eyes light up and he shouts 'wow'.......and trust me it's nothing special!!

Anyway, thank you for your replys and any advice will be glady received!

A very tired lady


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Ah bless him I'm sure that he'll settle into a routine but maybe have a word with his health visitor or sw re  and advice,  but regression is expected in stress/ changes in routine- he's a lucky boy to have such a caring foster mum.


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## mo:-D (Sep 11, 2010)

Just think how wonderful he must really be feeling to be in a safe and secure environment, you are doing a fantastic job. Just wish there was more people who were able to do that for the unfortunate children of the world. 

My friends 21/2 year old pees on the floor sometimes, (just for the fun of itP eek!) I am sure it is a stage that many 2 year olds go through, especially those who have issues!!! 

Keep going! Good luck x


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## Guest (Jan 2, 2011)

Sounds like you are doing a fab job - and yes it is exhausting!

In terms of how to deal with tricky stuff - as for all kids there is no "right" way, but we've found that being consistent, praising the good and ignoring much of the bad helps traumatised children to feel safe.  It may also help to treat him as a younger child.  Once he feels settled, he should be dry again; you could try pull ups but try not make a big issue of it.  

It is always ahrd when you hear about the early life stuff, but I try to put it out of my mind.  I hate what ours have been through, but we try to look to the future and helping them to heal.  Kids are surprisingly resilient and we're finding that with some special parenting much of the tricky stuff can be repaired.  

You are making a huge difference already.  Big ((hugs)) in case of tough times!

Bop


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

welcome to the world of fostering 

It sounds as if you are doing all the right things  as bop said he will regress slightly but it will get better. It's very confusing for children when they are moved and it's hard to explain it to them in a way they will
understand. He probably has had so much chaos that he will struggle for a while with the feelings of a calm and secure environment. 
I wouldn't worry about the potty training for a few days and start asking him again in a few days when he is used to being with you. 

If you have any questions please ask  
x
oh and it does get a bit easier 

x


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## deboulla (May 15, 2009)

Thanks all   Things a bit easier today!

Last night was the first night he had not had his sister sleeping in his room, and although he was fine all day he started asking for his mummy while he was having his bath. He sobbed while I put on his pyjamas and just kept saying I want mummy I want mummy. I styaed in his room with him and cuddled him and he fell asleep after about an hour. This part is so hard, he doesn't understand whats happening. Anyway, I went in to check him this morning and he was sat up in his bed just chattering to his teddy. Then he ran and jumped on DH and got into bed with him while I had a shower.

I put him in pull ups overnight and he was dry this morning   I put another pull up on him while we went out this morning just in case. We took DH to work, then went to the shops to buy crumpets which he loves! Then we went for a walk on the beach which he loved - don't think he has ever beach to the beach even though we are in the Med   . Then we went to my friends cafe for some brekkie and he was really good.

He was dry when we got home and I gave him a potty and said he could have it if he wanted and eventually he told me he wanted a wee and ran to the potty but by the time he pulled his pants off he had already got most of it on his pants/the floor but some landed in the potty and he was very proud of himself! He told me in English (which he has only heard occasionally since he has been here) "I'm good boy!"....... He is very clever, I said Good Boy once in English without thinking and now he says it all the time! He has been in the house with no pants on this morning and has gad three wees in the potty and one on the toilet, no accidents so far.    it stays this way!

Thanks again, we don't have the support here that you have in the uk so you ladies are my lifeline   .


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