# Help! I'm new and i'm Confused!



## bb82 (Jan 26, 2008)

Hello to all at Fertility Friends. This is my first post so thought i would give some info about myself.

I first found out that i would need to use a surrogate to have a family when i was 18yrs old. To say i hit rock bottom would be an understatement! I set about sabotaging myself and my new relationship with my boyfriend P. I felt he deserved someone that could give him what he desired someday; a family of his own.

Somehow we marched through all the depression and confusion and here we stand, 7 years later, recently married and ready to face the journey ahead.

We have a remarkable woman, KK, who is a long term friend and supporter, who has agreed to be our surrogate. We have had meetings with fertility counsellors and ready to embark on treatment at our Fertility Centre....BUT there's a problem!! The centre are reluctant to go ahead with our treatment unless we join COTS, as they have NEVER done a IVF Surrogacy Cycle with out the intended parents being a member of COTS. We feel that in our situation COTS may not be right for us and need to put a case together for the Fertility Centre to prove we can protect all parties involved without COTS.

If there's anyone out there who is or has been in a similar situation, or has successfully achieved their dream through surrogacy WITHOUT joining COTS, please could you offer me any advise on how to get through this. As you all know infertility is hard, exhausting, nerve racking and emotionally and financially draining; so if there's anyone who can offer help and support i would be so grateful.

Thankyou for your time and wish you all the best of luck in your journeys!!!

All the best
bb82


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi BB82
We went through our surrogacy with our SIL without joining COTS or any other group 
Our clinic were happy as the counsellor went all through it all with us (she use to work for one of the groups) and we went down the independent route  

What I do say is, make sure you have life insurance taken out for your surrogate before things start, but I am sure your counsellor would have told you all of this  

I wish you all the very best, and your friend is a true angel  

Love Jo
x x x


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

One other option to consider is for your surrogate to join one of the organisations without you. This would save you the costs of joining as an IP but she would still have access to support and could ask any questions on the message boards - in fact you could use the message boards whether you're members or not.

F


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## bb82 (Jan 26, 2008)

i'd just like to say a big thank you to all that answered my post. It's heart warming to know that there are women out there who are willing to offer advice and support with so much emotion in their own lives. 

I'm hoping our clinic will allow us to do what we feel is right for us and our surrogate. Infertility is a mine field in itself and i hate to think of couples that have been pushed down the wrong route.

Hope to speak to you all again soon and hope i can offer the same support.

Take Care

bb82 xx


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