# Adoption myths??????



## Guest (Dec 8, 2003)

Hi everyone,



I am worrying myself silly  over wondering how I'm going to cope if all our treatment comes to nothing, and as always I'm one step ahead of myself. I have started to think about adoption as a possible route to having the family i've been dreaming of.

However there are some questions that are bugging me - can anyone help?

1. Is it true that you have to wait 1 year from the end of IVF treatment before you can be considered for adoption?

2. Is it true that if you're over 40 you haven't got a hope in hell of being allocated a baby (I know there are very few out there in the first place, but anyway...)

3. Does anyone know how the process would work if you started it in one area of the country, but then moved part way through? Could it all be transferred, or would you have to start all over again?

Thanks in advance, a very inquisitive  chick oxoxoxoxoxox


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## JanieL (Jun 10, 2003)

Hi Chick,

I'm no expert but I can tell you what I've picked up from reading stuff. From what I can tell each adoptin agency has a different approach. 

Many agencies want you to wait a minimum of 6 months before starting the process - some want longer.

I'd read that most agencies don't want you to be any oder than 40 - 45 years older than the child you're adopting. I'm not sure if that applies to the oldest partner or the youngest

Not sure at all about your third question. I hope I've replied correctly but I'm sure others wil put me right if not.

Goo dluck!

Janie xx


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## Nicky (Apr 23, 2003)

Hello chick – I have a little knowledge following our initial assessment, home visit and regulatory checks (police/medical):

Some CCs will make you wait 12 months (they call it a grieving process); Worcs CC certainly will insist on this.

They don’t like an age gap of more than 40 years between child and parent (they take an average between you and your partner); so babies are unlikely to be placed with an older couple. However, we have now been advised that they will not pursue our application further at the moment, unless we accept a sibling group in the 4+ bracket (I am 32/DH 41);

I was quite surprised considering the adoption week that ran recently, but of course of lot of these little ones had physical/mental disabilities or had uncertain futures.

I hope this helps – but they do all differ, so it’s worth making a few phone-calls (remember, you can only register with one authority until you are approved).

Good luck for the future!

Love Nicky xxxx


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2003)

Dear Nicky and Janie L

Thank you for your replies. It certainly seems like a strangely cumbersome process.

Nicky I am sorry to hear that you've now been given these strict guidelines re what 'type' of child you can adopt, are you going to pursue it?

I am now a bit bamboozled so i think i will stop thinking about it until i know whether we definitely want to go down that route. However i would be glad of any further advice/info from anyone else out there.

love chick xxxxx


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## Nicky (Apr 23, 2003)

Hi again - we are cycling (at the moment actually) with donor eggs, so have put adoption on the backburner for the time being - I will be honest though, I was disappointed with this news.

Hope you able to move forward and pursue your dream soon!

Love Nicky xxxxx


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## Queen of Sheba (Mar 24, 2003)

hi chick,
im a bit like you and i like to keep my options open. i have been thinking about adoption too but we are too old to do it in this country. (me 36 dh 46)

i know some one at work who adopted a little girl as a baby. i dont know exactly where from but i think it was the eastern block some where may be china. they have a policy only one child per family so a lot of the babies get put in orphanages especially the girls. i think it is similar in places like russia etc. i was considering doing overseas adoption. 

i have only had one go at ivf but wonder if it would ever work and how much money would be spent trying to achieve it and it may never happen. i some times wonder whether to channel my energies straight into the adoption route. the thing is with overseas adoption from those kind of countries is that we would really be giving a child with no future what so ever a chance that otherwise they would never have. they will end up as prostitutes or whatever and it would be such a fanatastic gift to give one of them a chance.

i know that it would not be biologically mine but any one can mother a child but not everyone can be a mother.

how many goes have you had at ivf.

i think i will get some books and read up on it over the coming months.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Chick

I am currently on my home study part before being formally approved. In answer to your questions:

1. A minimum of six months between finishing treatment and starting adoption is standard practice, although some social service depts vary and it also depends on the type of treatment that you have had.

2. There are a shortage of babies and if you are going to want to restrict yoursleves to just that criteria it will take longer to place you. We were advised that the easier way to get a baby was to take on a sibling group. we are currently going for 2 under 4's. I am 30 and dh is 36.

3. I'm not sure on the answer to this one, but once you are approved you will be able to be placed with any child nationally. if you move area, you may have to do some bits of training that the other social services dept might not have done. They all vary so much in their approach.

I hope this has helped in some way. A good book I found was called The Adoption Experience by Ann Morris (daily Telegraph publication). you can order it via amazon on this site, it is full of use ful information and before we started out, I found this very useful. Also the British Association of Adoption and fostering have some good leaflets and a good website.

Good luck whatever you decide to do
Love
Karen x


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## Guest (Dec 9, 2003)

Dear Nicky, Karen and Bessie

Thanks so much for your replies ^thumbsup^^thumbsup^^thumbsup^

Nicky, GOOD LUCK with your ed attempt, I hope it works out for you.

Bessie, are you definitely too old for adoption? Is that because of your dh's age? I really admire you looking for alternatives, e.g. adopting from another country, as you say you would be doing an amazing thing for a child. With IVF there are no guarantees, I have had more attempts than i care to mention!!! and it is a massive expense, and the constant disappointment is so hard to bear. I guess we just have to do what is right for us at the time. I'd love to know what you decide in the end. im me if you like!

Karen, this stuff is really useful, and i will definitely be getting hold of that book. GOOD LUCK for your approval and i hope you enjoy being a Mum.

Woah, there is so much to think about! 
lots of love from chick xxxx


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