# anyone had councelling for infertillity?



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Ho ladies im just wandering if anyones had councelling for infertillity and was it helpful? Ive finally plucked up the courage to see my gp as im feeling really low. Ive suffered depression before so they want to see me very soon. The thing is i was so scared to see my go because i thought if i was to see a councellor it could affect my ivf as in they might think im not good enough to have ivf or baby if that makes sence   because ive read somewhere if youve suffered depression clinics can refuse adoption but wasnt sure if it was the same for ivf. I completley broke down at my gp's and she was very understanding i actually felt better just talking to her so just wanted your experiances thanks xx


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## Monkey008 (Nov 30, 2011)

Hi tinkerbell24,

I am giving a mans perspective.  I have NOA, and I have been in fertility counselling for the last 3 years.  It took me a long time to come to terms with NOA and the counselling has really helped me through and I have a really good relationship with my counselor.  I was lucky as this service was provided to me on the NHS at my local fertility center, and I can honestly say I would not have got to where I am with out it.

I would highly recommend the counselling to help with infertility.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your reply sorry youve had a bad time but glad youve seeked help. Its definatly hard and im glad ive gone forward to my gp. I really hope it helps me as its very hard to come to terms with but its just nice to have someone to talk to, im glad your going forward.


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## Myxini (May 22, 2013)

I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard, but it's definitely good you're seeing your GP now.

I put off going to my GP for the same reason you did. I also worried that it would leave me with an unescapable "mental health case" record that would prevent us from adopting, should we ever wish to. In the end though things just got too bad, and I'm glad I looked for help and received really good help on NHS. I had psychotherapy for three years for depression and anxiety. It wasn't specifically infertility therapy, but obviously that was one of the major issues.

The therapy was obviously no miracle cure, but it was so good to have a place to talk about everything, and it really did help me cope, with both infertility and life in general. I really wish everyone who needed it had access to it - so much better than just popping some antidepressents. We were even offered some couples therapy, and though we thought our marriage was ok, took them up on it and it was really helpful.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou for your reply and sorry you felt so bad. Were you ever told it could ruin your chance of ivf etc? Im paying for my ivf privatly but im dreading it if they ask about depression cause i dont want to hear "sorry you cant have ivf through your depression" its horrible how some places can judge when we simply need someone to talk to. Ive put it of for so long now and im still nervous this is going to ruin my ivf chances, im more nervous because of how i broke down infront of my gp she looked terrified, hope your getting on ok now x


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## Myxini (May 22, 2013)

No, definitely not been told that. I wouldn't worry at all! Ages ago when I was getting a referral for private IVF my GP had to fill a form that had a question asking if the doctor knew of any reason why we shouldn't have children (or something similar), and he told me at the time it would take something very serious for him to ever consider it. Like a serious delusional kind of mental health issue, or if he was aware of any specific child protection issues or something. 

We've gone to have treatment on NHS now. No one's mentioned anything at all about my depression or anxiety. To be honest, since I stopped the psychotherapy and came off meds, I've only had a couple of casual "And how are you feeling these days?" from the GP and it's never been brought up otherwise.

I know it would have to be talked about if we were to try to adopt, but even then it's supposed to be evaluated case by case, and not be a deal breaker in itself, especially if you've received help and have since been better. Someone actually told me it might be seen as a positive thing that you've sought help in a difficult situation and gone through psychotherapy or councelling.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou so much for your reply i feel so much more relieved to know its ok to recieve help without a so called label i just didnt know if theyd see me as unfit if that makes sense. Im realy glad ive pushed myself for help and hopefully ill feel better soon thanks again x


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi Tinkerbell,

I've just read your post.  I have had depression for years and have been on medication.  I was advised to come off it for my first go at icsi which meant that it took me a long while to stabilise again after it failed and was a really tough journey.  When I went back again to my fertility clinic in the nhs the doctor told me it would make no difference that I was on medication and this time it didn't come up at all.  It might be different privately.  I can't speak for adoption but as far as I know the medical profession recognises this is incredibly stressful and they would rather that you recognised it and got help than suffering in silence or at worse, it getting unbearable.  The only thing they check on when referring you for treatment is whether there would be any risk to any child you had (welfare of the child) but for mild to moderate depression this is very unlikely to be the case. 

I have also had fertility counselling which was massively helpful in coming to terms with everything going on.

Please don't let this put you off getting treatment.  It is a great strength to recognise there is a problem and seek help.

I hope you begin to feel better soon.  Take one day at a time.

If you want to pm me, feel free to.

Many many hugs,
M
X


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

MOncris thankyou for your reply and it sounds youve had a terrible time but glad youve got help. Ive had depression 5 years ago through a nasty man i was with i was on antidepressents but took myself of them as i felt i needed them to much. I finally got back to narmal when i met my partner until the infertility ive coped pretty well but now its kind of hit home a bit and im the kind of person to slap on a smile and tell everyone im fine but when alone its different. I dont want people see me as the depressed girl if that makes sense. Like you said im takin one step at a time and now crying whenever i need to. I fibd it hard to open up to anyone so seeing a councelor i hope will help. Thanks for your reply i feel much more positive and i hope you get on ok and get your much deserved baby x


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Just a quickie but wanted to let you know I had counselling throughout our ivf journey. We had private and nhs ivf and I can 100% tell you it did not effect us receiving treatment , in fact my councellor was attached to our clinic and our referral was made through them. It also didn't effect our adoption - our utterly scrumptious 1 year old is asleep upstairs as i type this. It was discussed in detail and considered a very positive thing to do.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Flash thankyou for your reply !! Congratulations on your adoption how lovely its always nice to hear such a positive story and the positive outcome is worth every tear x


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## MrsPG (Apr 7, 2012)

Hello, I had a bout of depression at the start of this year and went to my GP. I was referred for CBT which to be honest was not for me. I don't feel like it helped but my depression did improve. 

Seperatley my husband and I have had private therapy to deal with the infertility/IVF together and I have found it fantastic. I feel like doing it together has shown us the best way to support each other and help each other 

It hasn't affected my treatment. 

Good luck. X


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hello mrsPG its nice to see a couple a going through things together and im glad you found it useful doing it together. I have my appointment friday as my gp said i can either talk to her about it or shell refer me to counselling if she thinks that will be more useful im quite nervous to go to be honest because when i went last week it was totally unrelated to my infertility but when i broke down she decided to see me again, i hope your treatment is successful good luck x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi quick update i saw my gp and shes referring me to a councillor for mild depression aswell as anti depressants. I told my partner and hes not been that supportive of the whole councillor thing he says he doesn't understand why i need to go that far  my partner is a very stubborn mans hes a hard shell to crack ive spoken to him and even wrote down my feeling and he acts like he understands then after one row over a councillor he tells me he doesn't know why i need tablets he said he gets certain things like why i find it hard around pregnant women but not this. I suggested him research to help him understand more but He says hes made his mind up how he sees things and nothing will change his mind on the view, he is caring and been there through this whole experience and all loveable towards me but its annoyed me ive spent all this time thinking he gets it all and he doesnt at all x


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## Chezza1974 (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi, I had counselling all throughout my IVF treatment before and after as well, and it does not effect you 100% from being given treatment or being seen as unfit, if anything it is seen as a positive as you are doing something to support yourself to get yourself through such a difficult time.  I honestly don't know how I would have got through my treatment if it wasn't for having the support of my counsellor, it really helped me so I would highly recommend getting that support good luck xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Chezza thanks for your reply and glad it helped you. Ive got my first appointment friday im quite nervous not sure what they are going to ask etc im hoping it wont be a long term thing i just need to talk to someone and someone to guide me in situations likepregnant friends etc and just help with been pisitive im so sick of feeling negative x


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## Chezza1974 (Jun 16, 2012)

Good luck with your appointment on Friday, it is natural to be nervous I was and I think everyone is.  I am now a counsellor myself I changed my career path about a year after the fertility treatment had ended I wanted to give something back to help others.  Just remember when you are there on Friday, it is your time and your space to talk about what ever you feel you need too - and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone you don't know who is not close to you and involved with what you are going through.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Chezza thanks for your advice and good luck in your councelling how amazing. Id love to become a councellor and help others in my situation its such a rewarding thing to do but i wouldnt know where to start  . I also agree with talking to someone i dont know i think ill find it easier to talk to them than family as my family dont really understand and all of my friends have babies or babies on the way or even ttc so i cant really open to them. I cant wait to get the ball rolling and hopefuply get back to the old me


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