# Please may I join you?



## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi - please can I be included as an IM for GS? I am still feeling a bit in shock and very confused, but hopeful that this may work for us. I have now lost four babies including one at 18 weeks and one at 24 weeks. We are with the ARGC and Mr Gorgy as we needed intralipids which worked really well for us until we discovered I had a suspected incompetant cervix too. 

Our consultant said that we have so many factors affecting us that even if we were very lucky we would be looking at having a very premature baby if we tried again. To top it all off my ovarian reserve is now on the low side - didnt think anything else could go wrong....but it just goes to show you cant take nature for granted!! 

So although I love being pregnant even with the bed rest and transfusions (believe it or not!) we have decided that for the sake of the baby we are going to start a surrogacy journey. I have no idea what to expect and to be honest I am terrified; terrified of not finding someone, terrified of it not working, terrified of beginning IVF (we got pregnant naturally) and terrified of loosing hope and running out of time. I am terrified of hoping it might work and getting to bring home a live baby, even thinking about it makes me cry - which really is bonkers.

Please could anyone who has been through this just give me a few words of advice - sort of 'what I wish I had known before I started' type advice and a bit of reassurance. At the moment it just feels very overwhelming..although a bit exciting too. Thank you for any help you can give me.

Apricot x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi Apricot

I want to welcome you to FF and hope that we can help you with any questions you have.
Hopefully someone will be able to answer them for you 

We are a support group for surrogacy, so these boards are for support and not for finding a surrogate.

I have added a few website that might be worth looking at if you haven't already 

I want to wish you all the best, surrogacy does work, and it can have very happy ending, I hope your wait isn't a long one and you will be holding your little one soon.

http://www.surrogacy.org.uk/

http://www.surrogacyuk.org/

http://www.a-little-wish.co.uk/

Take care
Love Jo
x x

/links


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## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Thank you for your message and congratulations on your little one, such a beatiful photo! I have had a look at the COTS site and printed off the forms so hopefully will take the next step soon. What a wonderful SIL you have. It really is incredible that people exist who are so willing to help others - makes you realise the world can be a wonderful place.

xxxx


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## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Apricot

Welcome to the world of Surrogacy, I am a member of Cot's and look forward to  hopefully seeing you on the Message boards.
They are all very helpfully, as they are on here, any questions fire away.

All the best on fnding a surrogate I am sure there is one out there for you.

Take Care 

Lynne xx


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Apricot

Just read your message and wanted to see if there was any support that I could offer.  You have endured a lot already and I can recall at the start of our surrogacy journey feeling excited and terrified all at the same time so what you are feeling is really normal.  I am feeling it now also - but for slightly different reasons!!!

We did not have to find a surrogate as we had stopped trying when my dear middle sister offered to help us of her own doing.  There are indeed people who are prepared to do selfless things for us.

However, where I may be able to help is with ARGC.  You will see from my siganture that we did several rounds of treatment there and they also took us through the surrogacy journey when our 1st clinic really did not want to put the frosties back to my sister.  They can be chaotic, expensive and you do have to give your life over to them as I am sure you know by now but they were also at the same time persistent, trying new things and never ever gave up on us.  They were amazing and it is thanks to them and my dear sister that hopefully our little one will be here very soon.  Even though I was 3 years older by the time I had the 1st IVF with them and over 4-0 they got me the best crop of eggs ever.  They are absolutely expert at helping maximise your chances.  You are in good hands at ARGC.

If you do have questions about ARGC and the treatment there then please just ask and I shall do what I can to help.  There is not too much that they have not tried with our case!!!!

Wishing you every success with this next stage of the journey.  Sure that the ladies on here will do all they can to help you.
Carolyn xxx


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## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi

Lynne - thank you for your warm words of welcome and I really look forward to seeing you 'on the other side' at COTS - we are hoping to send our forms in next week, got a bit delayed as hubbie cant remember his blood group so has to have a test - he HATES needles so has to work himself up for it!

Carolyn - wow you're nearly there!!!! I couldnt believe it when I saw - how amazingly exciting and as you say really scary too. The very best of luck and oooh there just are no words to say how much I am excited for you!! Thank you for talking about your experience with the ARGC - from our experience they are a bit chaotic, but totally fantastic,  the only reason we also used Mr Gorgy was he did intralipids and as yet the ARGC dont. But I had a chat to Mr Gafar and he seems to think that it should be a straight forward process. 

Obviously if we do find a surrogate we want the experience for her to be as good and easy as possible given that she will have kiddies of her own to take care of - realistically how much time did your sis need to be there - we would like to do a fresh transfer if our surrogate doesnt mind, will that make any difference to the amount of time she would need to be there? Or is it just extra medication. Will she need to do a monitoring cycle/hysteroscopy like we did or do they get let her off that bit? Sorry loads of questions but I just want to know what the reality is given that it may take a few months and I want to be able to truthfully tell the surrogate what to expect.

Thank you all for your replies - anymore experience, things to avoid, things you wish you had done/know beforehand would be really appreciated. It seems such a big adventure at the moment - so I am just trying to take baby steps.....

Apricot xxxxxxxx


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Apricot

Let me respond on some of your questions whilst I still have time    

My sister did have to have a bit of a monitoring cycle but her regular cycle was very long so they did force AF so we did not have to wait so long.  Weird now when I think back (under a year) cannot recall every tiny detail but at the time it all seemed so critical.  But she had to have all the standard tests up front _ HIV, Hep B, Hep C for her and her husband.  We got those done through her DR to avoid trips to London.  She did not have FSH as we were using the frosties.

My dear sister did not have to have a hysteroscopy.  Will also depend whether you are using your eggs or whether it will be your donors eggs.  Not sure that you said which you are looking at.  Presume you will be using your own eggs so lots of the monitoring will be directed at you rather than the surrogate especially when the eggs are being prepared.

I will not beat around the bush.  My sister did make loads of trips to London, even though it was a FET.  I think may be 20 in total.  And it could easily be more for a Fresh cycle.  Although 10 of the trips might have been after her BFP when they were testing her daily/every other day.  We went to Birmingham lots to look after her two children whilst she came to London.  I lost count of the number of times we got up at 4am, drove to Birmingham, got her children to school so she could come to London for checks/scans/bloods etc.  My parents went there several times to help her with the children and must have stayed a week after ET also.  It was a 'group' project and without all the support then not sure we could all have done it.  Her next door neighbour took the children to school when it was icy!  We talked about it up front.  My sister was adamant that she would go to the 'best' clinic to give our frosties the very best chance of success and so that is what we did.  Not quite sure that she knew how many trips would be involved when she agreed.  She does not work which helped a lot.  Although I do so was juggling it around job but I was so desperate to do all I could to help then made everything fit in around her and the tmt.

Think that it is important to be clear about it all up front.  My sister and I had a consult together at ARGC.  That was really useful as by that stage we had done 7 cycles so knew the form as it were.  But she was coming to it fresh and so had lots of questions.  Sure that you would have a joint consult there as you progress.

Ask away and sure all of the ladies will do what I can to help.  Just trying to keep myself busy right now    

Good luck with everything especially putting your forms into COTS.
Carolyn xx


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