# Newbie!



## Buddles (Dec 15, 2009)

Hi everyone!

I am currently considering becoming a single mother by donor insemination. Been considering it for a while and am hoping to start the process end of 2010/beginning 2011.

However, I have some issues I would like to hear opinions on. I am "younger" than most people here I think (only 2 and from the few friends I have mentioned this to think I'm crazy for even considering this at my age.
I was previously in a long term relationship which ended a year ago. I have always wanted kids (ideally around age 30) and my partner said he wanted the same and we said we'd hopefully get married and start trying around that time. I then had an unplanned pregnancy which ended in miscarriage. My partner flipped out completely when I told him I was pregnant, blamed me and told me to "get rid of it" or he'd kill himself etc etc. I chose to go it alone but then ended up miscarrying. Needless to say I don't speak to him anymore.

I am in a good stable career which can be very flexible with hours if I need/want and a very good pay. I am also in the process of buying my own house and I own my own car.

I also have very supportive parents (esp my mum) who was wonderful when I told her I was pregnant before.

I would be looking to start treatment for a baby in about a year in order to give me enough time to get settled in my house, adjust finances and save for sufficient maternity cover. I would then be almost 30 when beginning treatment.

I was wondering what peoples thoughts are about me doing this? Am I being selfish and should I give more time to find a man being still young? I'm not shutting the doors on men, I have been out on some dates and if someone does come along who is Mr right I would change my plans. I know having a child can put some men off and it may be more difficult in the future to find a partner, but I have always been happy with my own company so I am not unhappy being single.

I don't want to wait until things start becoming more complicated and less chance of success as I get older. Esp as I would like more than one child in the future.

I also feel like I have lived my life to the fullest and I don't think I'd feel I was missing out on things. I have travelled a lot and have visited every country I wanted to see. I have spent numerous years drinking and clubbing and this rarely appeals to me anymore. Much prefer a night in front of the TV and have done for the past 2-3 years.
I have been to uni and worked hard to get to where i am in my career.
I have 2 close friends with babies/children. One is single and one is in a (dodgy!) relationship. I know how hard both of them find parenthood esp the single friend (who I helped massively the first 3 months after her little one was born) so I'm def not thinking about this with rose tinted glasses!

My other concern is would clinics donate to me due to my age? would they be more inclined to think I'm immature and haven't thought things through enough? I was planning to attend an inseminar session at the LWC but was worried I would look odd being young... (I actually look VERY young. still get ID'd in pubs and the off license!)

Anyway, thats a massive essay I have written and any advice/opinions would be appreciated!


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Hi Buddles, I'm about to go crash so this won't be my usual essay!    Suffice to say that it doesn't matter what complete strangers think about your decision.  At the lofty age of 42, 28 seems very young - but at 28, my own mother had four kids ranging from 7 to 12 years old and at 34 she was a grandmother (I however, was still hitting the nightclubs at the same age  ).  The reality is that it depends on the context as to whether now is the right time for you to consider going it on your own, and you are in the best position to judge this.  You say that you are going to give yourself a year or so to prepare prior to trying to conceive, and I would suggest that gives plenty of time for you to make a decision one way or another.  I wouldn't worry about clinics refusing to treat you on age grounds - they treat women in couples in their early 20s so I doubt they would discriminate against you on this basis.  Good luck with your quest.   

A-Mx


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## midnightaction (May 20, 2003)

Hello there 

I too am in my twenties (Well only for the next 29 days !!! ) and have been having IVF since I was 24, so you are never to early to get going, and I am very glad I started when I did. As you can see from my signature I have had 5 unsuccessful IVF's so I made the right decision starting early as it has meant that despite all of the negatives, I still have time on my side if I decide to keep going.(I know how lucky I am to have this, it doesn't feel like I am lucky sometimes, but deep down I know I am !!)


If it feels right for you then it is right for you and it doesn't really matter what other people think 

As for what the clinics think, they are not going to question your age, whatever end of the spectrum you are, they are more concerned with it being the right choice for you and the medical side of things. I have not had treatment in the UK for quite a few years now, so I am not sure of the protocol these days but they used to insist you had a counselling session just to clear up any issues you might have, not sure if thats relevant these days or not.

In the end only you can decide what is best for you, and I hope you make the right decision  

Sarah xxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.  I don't think your age will be held against you, after all clinics like LWC treat many single girls an lesbians (some on FF are in their early 20's).

I really wish I'd started earlier as fertility drops all the time. I hope that you get useful info from the insenimar

L x


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## IceQueen (Sep 11, 2009)

Hi Buddles

Yes, sorry to hear about the miscarriage too, and the less than supportive ex.  
But as the others have said i doubt the age will be something the clinics judge you on, or anyone for that matter if you have decided this is what you want.  
At LWC they do offer a session with the counsellor, so you have the opportunity to talk through your concerns there too.  
But as you are giving yourself another year before starting any treatment, i'm sure you will have by then come to your own conclusion after doing research, talking to lots of people, and speaking with LWC.  

Good luck with what you decide.
IQ
x


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Just wanted to pop in and wish you lots of  Buddles. I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It sounds like you are in a very good space to be trying again though. Lots of luck and look forward to getting to know you as you embark on this journey. 

Love & hugs, Felix xx


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Buddles I have to say you sound extremely mature - more mature than a lot of women in their 40s and you've certainly thought this through carefully and done a lot of planning (more than me!).  I can't see any clinic turning you away on the basis of your age.  But you can always start your research and ring round a few.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you
RLxx


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Buddles, just wanted to say hi and wish you luck with your journey   

Lou-Ann x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hello Buddles,  just wanted to welcome you to the group  

good luck with it all.
xx


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Buddles

Welcome to the group.  As Richmond Lass said, you sound very mature and I think it's great that you are thinking about this now and have time to plan.  I haven't had time to plan at all and am having to start IVF without even currently having a job, due to my impending 42nd birthday!

Good luck with your journey and you'll get loads of support and advice from FF!  

Take care 
GIA Too xx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

H Budles

Glad you found us! The girls on here are great for advice.

I started IUI treatment with donor sperm when I was 29 and I never had any probs about my age. I know I dithered for about a year before I started wondering what other people would think (profs, family and friends alike) but i have found everyone really supportive (if a little shocked at times!!).

Good luck, Krissi  x


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