# jammy ********



## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Can't do this on ******** so venting here, trusting at the very least you won't judge me, at the best someone will understand...

Am so fed up with my ****ty body whilst all around me people fall pregnant 'we weren't trying. It,s a bit of a shock' jammy gifts.

I have a massive cyst, a baby lying in a grave and two children whose 'mother' writes me letters telling me shehas their photos on her wall and that she is their mother who is grateful I am looking after them for her.

Was hoping to count for more than a sodding babysitter.

So fed up. Around me are many happy, safe, secure babies, children and foetuses whilst I worry about my two insecure, soon to be destroyed (emotionally, when they find out) little ones. Why should I and more importantly they have to deal with this? Oh life sucks.

Dear all, I know I a, being ungrateful, it's not that bad etc etc. But had news of a pregnancy in the family today just after reading a highly in appropriate co tact letter and getting an appt thru for my cyst discussion so being irrational and honest for a change!!!

Sorry for being horrible, just the way I am - another failing


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Aww E - rant away. My DH gets an earful at times when I get my own grrr's ;-)

Life is rather unfair at times & sometimes we need to share that. I'm sorry to hear about your cyst and you being poorly. 

Your girls are a million times better with you as their mummy and its obvious you love & care for them so much.

I've had something similar during the last month and just makes me very annoyed as causing risk to a pregnancy when so many folk struggle to get pregnant or can't. Unfortunately IF leaves a mark on your soul which is mostly fading but the oddest things can sometimes make it very raw.

Hugs at this time & remember you are mummy NOT a babysitter x x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Just had to send   xx
You are not just a babysitter and when your children grow up I'm sure they will know that. Sorry that you're having a tough time at the moment and sorry I don't have any words of wisdom to help

Much love cs xx


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Thank you Gertie and Crazy spaniel  

Everything looks brighter in the morning after a bad night's sleep   I love my girls to bits, just got myself a bit wound up. I am very grateful to be a mummy via adoption, most of the time I am fine with the added complications and emotional issues of being an adoptive family, just occasionally feel a bit sorry for myself / our family - envious of the more straightforward birth families.

Thanks for letting me vent, I promise I'm not always this miserable and grumpy!


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

Whatever the woman who pushed them into the world might say, YOU are their mummy, you feed them, care for them, hug them and look after them when they are sick, that's a mummy.  

My SIL is adopted and was always so very happy with her family (she'd 44 now and has never wanted to trace her BF). I think as long as we are sensitive and honest with your babies things can turn out very well indeed.  

Sending you lots of hugs, glad you feel better this morning but isn't it great to be able to come here and vent and not be shouted down or judged?  That's cos we all just get it.  xxxx


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

E3021, that's why these forums are so good, we may be talking to people we will never ever meet, but we are all people who understand and are here for each other.

It's so hard sometimes isn't it, our sons BM, thinks he us going to go running back to her at 18, I think she may be in for a shock, at the moment he says himself he doesn't want to see her, he was still with her until after he was 5 yrs and knows what happened to him.

Who knows what the future will bring and all we can do is the best we canfor our children, because that's what they are our children.

You take care x


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