# DE twins support



## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

Not sure if I'm posting in the right place but as I'm 46 and have usually been on Over 40+ threads here goes..
After 5 years TTC and 4 years of failed IVF treatment I finally received a positive result almost a month ago following DE treatment. The switch to DE was not an easy one and my partner took some persuading but I was at peace with the decision. After some persuasion from my clinic I decided to go for a double embryo transfer, mainly as I was told the risk of twins was less than 20% but the chance of a positive was highly increased. Also the thought of the time and expense of another trip to Greece and more traumatic treatment meant I took the risk. 
Now however the joy at finally receiving the longed for positive has somewhat dissipated now following the news this week it is indeed a twin pregnancy. My partner almost had a breakdown and considers it a double whammy being so dubious of the donor aspect considers it twice the worry.
I realise this sounds terribly callous and selfish especially considering the amount of people Ive shared this forum with over the years desperate for a positive in any form. But I can't change the fact that we are absolutely terrified of the prospect. OH is 54 and concerned about the impact of twins on our lives financially and logistically. I'm worried about the health implications for both myself and the babies and how I will cope with two babies at once. Even the prospect of ballooning scares me- Im 5'4 and a size 8 and can't imagine carrying two humans inside me.
Suffering from severe sickness today and have spent most of the day in bed crying. Ironic as I used to spend days crying at not being able to conceive. 
I do have two close friends with twins Ive discussed it with this week but both are in a more secure financial position than us so enthusiastic about the situation and perhaps don't understand our concerns.
Having some dark thoughts today and in real need of support...


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2019)

First congratulations on getting this far, it is a very hard road one I am still on and know all the fears you feel. I am 44 and still trying with my OE(last three banking then that Is it ) and like you DE would not be an easy choice. I have been considering it and am 50/50 with my OH a complete no. But were i to want it 100%( and after spending last night&this morning doing parenting duties for my niece and nephew am more convinced that the genetics don’t really mean too much, as raising a child is soooooooo much more) and would be able to talk my OH round just like you. To go for double transfer I too would do that as it would increase the chances so you were right to. Now onto the twin part if that happened for me I would be happy, I know it would be tough on me physically (have a fused spine through scoliosis) and my OH might not be too happy but for the children sake it is soooo much better. They have each other and when you are older parents that again is better for them. Yes it will hard for first few years and financially tough but when you get through that am sure it will be worth it. 
Try to think of positives and think how happy they will be to have each other and if you are going to tell them in future they are donor conceived they have each other to share with and help through that. Financially everything is double but if you are good with money and using eBay, along with second hand clothes and everything else that will reduce the cost. People r always trying to get rid of baby stuff and some of it like new plus you will be saving the environment of waste, a win win. 
I know it is hard to be positive but I am convinced with DE it is nice to have 2 and better for the children (that’s not taking away from anyone who has had one, just my opinion). 
Not much else I can say, but good luck and hopefully other women on here who have gone through it can offer you more advice. X x


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## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

Thank you *CathA* your words of support mean a lot. 
Totally agree with the points you raised about them having each other especially as we are older parents and being DE. My friends with twins Ive told already have said sometimes two is easier than one as they entertain each other too. 
The health side of twin pregnancy still freaks me out. Need to just stop googling I guess and reading horror stories. 
Today has been bad as Ive been super sick and nauseous all day no doubt heightening my sensitive emotions.
Thanks again though, taken all on board and hoping I can get through these feelings

xx


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2019)

Am sure you can and yes spending time with my sister who has 2 and my best friend 1, two is sooo much better and is actually easier. The children will be very grateful for what you have done. Yes stop googling and instead talk to your doctor about maybe an early birth say 8+1/2 months c- section telling them your fears. My sister in law had a terrible natural first birth so they did a c section 3 weeks early on second as she has big babies, the baby was still 9lbs 2!So doctors can do things for you to make the whole pregnancy and birth hopefully easier. I know it’s tough but remember there are plenty of women out there who would love to be in your situation and take those kids in a heat beat. Am sure you and your OH can do it and he will love them when they are here.x x


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## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

*CathA* Thanks so much  I know I feel so ungrateful to be anything other than overjoyed. Just can't control these emotions at the moment. wishing you all the best in your next steps too xxxx


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

Hi esj, congratulations on your twins!

I have twins, they were double donation and I was older too...I was 50 when I had them! Like you I read all the horror stories about the complications for older women and was totally freaked out. But apart from bleeding early on I had no complications whatsoever. I would stop googling if I were you!

Having twins is absolutely wonderful, I wouldn't change it for the world. The first few weeks are hard and you will experience exhaustion like you wouldn't believe but it does get better as they get older.  My girls play well together and don't need me to entertain them all the time. When I look at them playing I'm so glad I didn't take the clinic's advice and transfer only one. I love having twins..they are a blessing. 

As for the DE aspect, well that doesn't really bother me...most of the time, I don't even think of the donor aspect. As far as I'm concerned, they are my children. I don't know of anyone who has had donor conceived children who has regretted it. You will be fine. xx


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## Stacey10 (Jun 7, 2013)

I’m always an advocate of don’t  put in more than you want to carry, ultimately it was your decision to have the two put back and the clinic was right in telling you about the chances of twins, plenty put in two and get one or don’t get pregnant. Two have stuck, yes it means you will have a high risk pregnancy but you probably would have been stuck with that label anyway because of age.  high risk also doesn’t mean trouble, it only means that you and babies will be monitored closer, which imo isn’t a bad thing anyway. Yes a twin pregnancy is harder, but all that means is you will actually have to slow down and look after yourself properly, which again imo isn’t a bad thing. As for your height, I’m 5ft 2 and was an 8 and I carried twins until 38 wks and they were both 7 lb babies, yes I was as big as a house but I have seen plenty of ladies carrying single babies who are as big as a house also. 
Financially don’t buy everything new, you can get amazing things second hand, join tamba, apparently they’re a great support and have vouchers or something similar, ladies pregnant with twins on the thread I’m on live in the uk  and have got bugaboos second hand for half the price of new ones. While they’re little babies can sleep in the same cot also.
After my twin pregnancy I got pregnant again with twins and I was so excited, turned out one was a blighted ovum and I was so sad, I actually cried as the thought of my baby growing up by herself with no twin made me really sad after I had seen how the twins always have each other, yes they fight, but they are also the best of friends and I just think compared to them my last baby hasn’t got that bond, she isn’t lonely because she has them, but since they started school she hasn’t got a built in playmate like they had.


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I don't have twins so can't really comment on that aspect, but wanted to say I can understand how difficult it is, but there are many twins born who are absolutely fine. It is a risk when having 2 put back in. I have had treatment in the UK, so was not allowed to have 2 transferred. I just wanted to reassure you about the DE aspect - I have two lovely children through double donation and have two embryos frozen, so am planning another cycle this summer. I have never regretted going down this route. I love my children totally and they are mine alone! Once you have your babies, you will forget that aspect of it most of the time! Also, just wanted to add a positive - my children although not twins, get on very well and are able to amuse each other. I am glad that they have each other, as I am also an older mum, I was 47 when I had my son, and 49 when my daughter was born. I am pleased that they have genetics in common and someone to share everything with. Also, as an older mum and having IVF, you would be classed as a high risk pregnancy so would be monitored more closely. I had no problems, but was happy with being monitored more closely - very reassuring and also meant I got the chance to see my babies more often in scans!


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## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

*Clara Rose* *Stacey10* and *deblovescats* thank you all for your comments and advice Im feeling so much more hopeful and take everything on board. Just need this severe nausea to calm down, its really taken it out of me today today. Sending love to all of you xxxx


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## Stacey10 (Jun 7, 2013)

Esj your nausea will probably be worse and last longer with a twin pregnancy unfortunately, if normal natural nausea remedies don’t work, don’t waste time, go to the dr and get medication for it, it’s safe to take while pregnant, you need to look after yourself and make sure you try and eat properly, the growth rate for a twin pregnancy is totally different to a single pregnancy and you will need extra protein during your pregnancy


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## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

Thanks *Stacey10* yes I hardly ate a thing yesterday couldn't keep anything down. I went for Japanese food the night before (no sushi obvs!) and think something really disagreed with me but have been feeling generally nauseous every day past couple of weeks and just off food generally. Will see doc if it persists x


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## Laquinn (Sep 4, 2017)

Esj - Congrats on your twins. I am currently 27 weeks pregnant with DE twins and can really relate to your post. I have hyperemisis which was really bad earlier on - around ten weeks DH and I even considered ending the pregnancy I was struggling so much. DH also started to panic about his age and if we would be able to cope with twins. I phoned the pregnancy sickness helpline and they gave me great advice to get me medicated properly and put me in contact with a local woman who has been through hyperemisis who texts me regularly and even came to visit me with hyperemisis friendly food and drinks! I am also recieving support from the perinatal mental health team on the NHS and if you are struggling with low mood/ anxiety I would recommend asking your GP or Ob about it. I struggled with the DE aspect too but as the pregnancy has went on I am bonding more and more with these wee people growing inside of me. It's complicated having had previous losses and transfering that anxiety to this pregnancy but I'm getting more and more moments where I'm enjoying being present and feeling these lives growing inside me. The TAMBA antenatal classes are great and they have loads of info on their website. There are loads of twins buy and sell pages to get gear and probably a twins group close by to where you live. Wishing you all the best - it's a tough road but hopefully worth it. xxxx


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## esj (Apr 9, 2014)

Laquinn Thanks so much for your advice thats amazing! Inspiring to hear how you've got through to this stage and sounding super positive. Will look into the sickness helpline didn't even know that existed. Will definitely get onto Tamba too. Have a 10 week scan in a fortnight so will see how things are looking and take it from there. Wishing you all the best too! Keep us posted with your progress xxx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Laquinn - good luck, and thank your for sharing your amazing story x


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