# Work: Signed off or Holidays?



## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Hi
I have read other posts about how everyone deals with the treatment differently which was really interesting - but this post is just about those that didnt work through their treatment at any stage.
I thought it might be interesting to discuss.

Ive already experienced some prejudgement from people - whose sisters, cousins, auntie Nora had IVF and she was back at work the day after...people forget that everyone is different and if only treatment was that straightforward and standardised 
Its natural for us to compare stories and even ive read some on here and thought blimey if they worked in my office people would think im putting it on. It can make you feel guilty/weak as a person even though you 'know' that everyone is different.
Hopefully by sharing on here, those similar to myself will realise there are other people that struggle to juggle both.

It could also be a post to rant about your employer or the experience youve had with work and treatment.


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi there
When I had IVF with my own eggs, collection was on the Friday so I had the weekend to recover.  However I was quite poorly afterwards (so bloated and sore!) that I had to work at home.  To be honest, it being our first IVF, I was also too scared to move!

Subsequent donor egg treatments (see signature) were all abroad, although I think I worked the first of these 2ww, I subsequently always took annual leave to cover the actual transfers and also for the 2 week wait as my job although not physical is quite stressful and long hours (I'm the manager of a charity).  Sadly, my one earlier BFP ended in miscarriage just a week later on my first day back at work.  I always vowed that if I ever got a BFP again, I would be straight round at my doctors to get signed off.

With our 8th try in January, I was off for nearly 3 weeks on annual leave between being abroad and then the 2ww.  I got a BFP on the Friday, phoned in sick on the Monday and was at my GP on the Tuesday.  They instantly signed me off for 4 weeks without any qualms.  Luckily I did so as I had a threatened mc at 6w ad 8w.  I went back to my GP when the line ran out  but this time asked if I could do some work at home - just a couple of hours a day.  I was signed off again and then 4 weeks later was given another line, although by this time I was working full hours at home.

At my 16 week consultant appointment, they discovered I have lost my immunity to rubella and my GP instantly signed me off (on a Fit Note) to work only at home for 12 weeks which will take me to mid August.  I will then be able to use annual leave until almost my due date.

I've been really lucky in that I can work at home, and also that home is close to the office.  As such, some staff have come to my house for meetings when e-mail just isn't enough.  I've also spent years planning for this very eventuality so have a good management team below me.

I've always blamed myself for my m/c by going back to work.  It may be coincidence that being off all this time has resulted in a growing pregnancy, but it certainly will have helped a bit, certainly in removing the stress.  Obviously it is different for me, I'm a high risk pregnancy as I am 47 and my GP knows what I have gone through to get here.  They may not have been so supportive if I was a lot younger or if it was my first go.  

Work have also been supportive as they know I am a workaholic (I was even answering e-mails whilst abroad having treatment), so if I say I need to be at home, they know that I really mean it.  Last year, my unofficial extra hours totalled an extra 12 weeks of work, so in some ways I've just been getting some of that back  

As you say, everyone is different but I just always wanted to give myself the best chance.  I've always used annual leave for the 2ww however as we rarely went on holiday anyway (all money on treatment) and it is then also no-one else's business how I choose to use that time  

Turia x


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## Southwest (Feb 5, 2014)

Hi,

I had my 5th egg collection this morning. All my previous cycles I have taken annual leave from egg collection up to transfer. I've always gone back to work the day after. 

This time, as it is our last go, I have decided to to take some time off. I couldn't take it as annual leave because it's a busy time at work and I know it would have been declined. I told my boss I was going in for an op and would need a few weeks recovery time.  My job is quite stressful and I need to know I have done everything possible this time.

I haven't been to the doctor yet to get signed off and I'm really hoping she will be happy to sign me off until otd. 

Last year I went to the early scan to be told I had miscarried but had taken the afternoon off so luckily I didn't have to go back to work. I started bleeding heavily at work and it was a nightmare but I still went in.  On my next bfp I was told the same awful news and had to go straight back to work.  I was called when my blood tests came in and told to leave immediately and get to hospital as they thought one of the eggs may have been in my tube as well as one in womb. It wasn't but I had to have an erpc and was signed off for two weeks (mainly because I couldn't get head around it happening again to us). My work were pretty unsympathetic and the HR lady even wanted to come to my house, which I refused as I could hardly talk to my closest family about it let alone some woman from work!

I think everyone is different and should do what they feel is best. As long as you feel you have the done the right thing by staying home / going back to work then at least you won't worry about it.  This is your life and everyone is different.


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Turia so happy to read about your BFP!
Good Luck with EC Southwest! That sounds so stressful about HR wanting to come to your house.
I know whats best for me but its others perceptions that bother me id like people to respect that everyones different.
This is what im hoping to find out - that others have expressed this to their Drs and Drs understand.


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

I think this is a really good thread - particularly for those of us (most of us?!?) who feel real guilt at not working.

I have gone a number of fresh and frozen cycles and have taken sometimes very little and sometimes lots of time off or working at home.  But generally keeping things going work wise (and probably keeping the stress with me!).  Every time I have felt that I need to minimise the amount of time off/at home.  

So this time I decided to take a career break.  I am lucky to be able to (lovely DH, saved hard, understanding boss etc).  But when our treatment was delayed for 4 months (immune stuff), I felt the GUILT massively.  Also - how do you explain not working to people?  The number of times I have heard 'if you aren't working - what are you doing?'  (Obviously not from friends who know - they have been supportive).  I find myself feeling guilty if I haven't gone the washing/tidying (insert some other boring chore!).  Now I am actually cycling again I don't feel as guilty - but I am still here thinking how I really need to sort out the wardrobes before dh comes home from work (WHAT?!? - they have been fine for the last 5 years!!!).  

Why can't we just enjoy the time off and not feel like this!  I even feel bad when other people say that they went back to work the day after ET!  Maybe I am just getting practise in for feeling mothers guilt?!?  Here's hoping!


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## LittleStampede (Jul 1, 2014)

Hi,

I've been following this thread since it started and it's good to hear everyone's stories.

Although my DH and I haven't been through any cycles yet (should start mid July time), your advice is all great and I think I will just play it by ear to judge how much time I feel I should take off. However, I've just had an open conversation with my MD (with strict instructions that I don't want my direct line manager to know) and he was so supportive and said to take as much time as I needed as he realises how important it is to me. I feel very lucky to be in this position and he knows I wouldn't abuse it. After months of debating whether to tell him or not, I'm so glad I did.

x


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

This is SO important. It effects our partners, our wider family, our futures, our mental health - its our life, its everything... 
Personally I dont think using holiday leave to cover such an emotional time is fair though, as once your holiday quota is gone - life would be even harder? (I live for my days off!  )
The nurses and a lot of people say to distract yourself during the 2ww - working would be a distraction alright but a completely negative one for me recently. But I dont want the Dr to sign me off with stress - as I dont feel stressed right now sat at home and it would feel wrong? - Its more to 'prevent' me from feeling the stress at work and to concentrate on this treatment and taking care of myself?

Legally after Embryo Transfer we are protected under employment laws as 'pregnant' which is great - however its still a blurred line as to the reason for an absence/protection during the 2ww? If your physically sick obviously that is treatment/pregnancy related and wouldnt count towards employers 'dismissal' policies, but being signed off with stress - that wont be and god forbid anyone faces dismissal procedures on top of all of this and this is what creates anxiety.

LittleStampede - thats great about your MD. Good Luck with your first cycle!!
Wow Star17 thats great about taking a career break. Guilt is awful but hopefully this thread will make you feel better the more people share about time theyve taken off


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## whatnow (Jan 3, 2014)

Hi all, I will be in my 2ww later this month and was planning on working during this time, can i ask please did others work or take the time off ??

any response or thoughts appreciated


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## Hopeful3429 (Oct 11, 2014)

I did my 5 day transfer on a Tuesday stayed off all week and went back on the Monday xxx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I continued working in a office after ET when I got my first BFP and went to Centre parc's in my second 2ww where I got another BFP. 

There is no evidence to suggest that resting changes the outcome.  But do what you feel comfortable doing.

Good luck.

X


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## Southwest (Feb 5, 2014)

Hi Whatnow
I have always gone back to work the day after EC and I had two bfp's and two bfn's. 
This time as it is our very last go, I have been signed off from EC to OTD. I felt that I needed to be sure I had done everything possible. I know that total rest makes no difference which is why I always went back on previous times. This time I will just hang out at home, read, watch some box sets and have friends and family round for lunch. If it doesn't work I won't look back and regret it. Having said that I am not sorry I went back the previous times.
I think everyone is different and you should do what ever makes you feel comfortable. 
X


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## Mrsfw (Dec 8, 2014)

Hiya-

I'm in the REST camp all the way but depends on your job. Mine would be mildly risking in terms of being knocked it having to lift things (secondary school teacher!) so am signed off from ET to OTD. Sleep, eat good things, enjoy the fresh air, take it easy. Xxx


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

As the saying goes 'Dont be a hero' - dont do anything your going to regret, put yourself first, try not to feel guilt if you take any time off etc, this is more important  hopefully the law will protect you if your employer is difficult in letting you take time off etc?
If theres any stress in your job etc - dont hesitate to take time off and stay positive and happy


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## whatnow (Jan 3, 2014)

im a coach driver so will be driving long distance, i wont be heavy lifting ( id love to hear ppls thoughts on this )


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi whatnow

My clinic did specifically say that if I was going on a long journey or sitting for long periods I should make sure I had a walk around every 2 hours, would you be able to fit that in?

Good Luck
Dory
xxx


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## whatnow (Jan 3, 2014)

yes either at stops or at either end of journey, i will have a couple of days off just after transplantation but don't get paid sick leave and can't take two weeks off either unfortunately


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## wishful82 (May 24, 2015)

Hi all, 

First ivf I worked except for 3d after ec, worked throughout 2ww and got a bfp and later MC. At first I felt really guilty thinking it was my fault but most MC are due to chromosome abnormalities. 
2nd ivf got a bfn and worked day after ec right through. 
This cycle of taken 3weeks off (unpaid leave) I do feel bad as I am a workaholic and summer is busy as everyone getting holidays in but this is about the rest of my life! So trying to kick back!!!! Good luck ladies x


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## LittleStampede (Jul 1, 2014)

Hi all,

Although I'm not yet at that stage, my current opinion is that I'm going to get signed off work as soon as I start to feel symptoms.

My job is quite demanding and my commute is over an hour's drive each way. Plus the company are not the best at looking after people so I think it's best if I just get signed off by the clinic / GP.

I am a bit of a workaholic and I feel guilty even taking one day off sick (v rarely happens) but I feel I need to give this the best chance at working and being stressed at work won't help! We only get two goes on the NHS so need to feel I've done everything I can!


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## Rumplestiltskin (Mar 11, 2014)

Hi all,

On my first cycle I signed myself off for a week from egg collection, and then I took a week's annual leave. I work in a lab, and there are certain things you can't do when pregnant, and on my OTD I was supposed to be doing one of these things. I had to arrange for someone else to be on standby to do it, and then on the day had to say no, it was fine, I could do it, it was BFN. It was pretty awful. I got myself in quite a tizz in the weeks following the cycle - messed up in work quite a few times, and one day broke down in tears in front of my boss and just had to leave - at 9.30am on a Monday!

On my second cycle I took four weeks off from egg collection - to cover a week after OTD to get myself together. I was glad of the time off because this time the cycle completely wiped me out - I was exhausted and in pain after EC, and spent a lot of time sleeping. I couldn't have worked. My GP was totally happy to do it, and just put something vague about medical treatment - it wasn't stress as the reason. 

I'm about to start my third cycle, and I'm not entirely certain what I'll do - I feel guilty taking a chunk of time off so soon after the last cycle. I guess I'll see how I feel at the time. 

My work are mostly supportive, but sometimes not.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies hope you don't mind me dropping in. It's been really interesting reading these posts as I'm due to start ivf soon and can't work out if I should work or not I did actually start a post somewhere because I've only been working at my new place for a month but I didn't think of be going for Ivf anytime soon because we couldn't get the money and my dp suprised me with the money. I'm really scared to tell them and don't really want to and I'm also scared as its my first ivf and don't want to jeopardise it. I've been told my many to carry on as normal but it's hard when it's your first time. I don't know if I'm aloud to take sick leave because I've not worked there long or how they'll act my boss is a bit funny at times. I don't really want to tell anyone when I start ivf. Hope all you ladies going through ivf get a positive outcome good luck


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## kt1985 (Jun 22, 2014)

Hi everyone. Just looking for some advice. I was signed of sick with stress two weeks before treatment and took holiday leave for two weeks whilst having treatment. I had my first IVF in Greece in march which resulted in a BFP. I went back to work 1 week after transfer. unfortunately I miscarried at five weeks. during this time I experienced a lot of stress in regards to work and my doctors not being supportive. I am due to try again later in the  year but am just so worried after miscarrying. I know that miscarriages are usually abnormal chromosome issues but I cant shake the fact that stress was a factor. Has anyone had much success or issues with getting your GP to sign you of during 2 ww, particularly if you have treatment abroad. I this would help me to relax and feel less stressed and hopefully will be a factor in producing a viable pregnancy


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## Charmars (Sep 14, 2014)

My clinic signs everyone off for the 2ww, they say to keep mobile etc, but they do it for your peace of mind and sanity so if you get a BFN you aret blaming yourself for working


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi KT1985
Like you I previously went back to work after a positive result only to m/c that same first day at just about 5 weeks.  I wrote about it a bit more on page 1 of this thread.

I always use annual leave for the 2ww but this time when I got a positive result, I went straight round to my GP to get signed off.  I wasn't signed off with stress though, simply that it was a high risk pregnancy but the doctor could certainly see I was stressed about going back to work as I was shaking and near in tears (not about work just the thought of going through a m/c again!).

Some doctors will sign you off for the 2ww but I have never asked, however I had no qualms about asking in order to protect a confirmed pregnancy.  

Good luck.
Turia x


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## rosewill (Oct 19, 2016)

Hi ladies,

A very interesting thread. I have a very demanding and stressful job with a lot of lifting, running around and very late nights planning and organising. I too felt/ feel very guilty. We have been ttc for 5 1/2yrs. We have been through a lot of clomid cycles, followed by ovarian drilling and more clomid over the years. I had 2 days off for the drilling and was back to work. When we decided to go for IVF I worked up until the week before egg collection, and was planning to use half term plus 1 more week to get through the process. However, my body look things into its own hands. We harvested 20 eggs, 10 feriltised and 7 were frozen as 3 day embies as I suffered with severe OHSS and was in hospital for a good spell. It was a very fightening experience. I had drains to get rid of fluid, drips, blood transfusions you name it. It was a terrible experience. It took me a good 8-10weeks to recover and was signed off. I am lucky that my employer is being extremely supportive. We have just had our first FET and the doc has kept me off work through the entire process. What I will do next only time will tell. The most important thing is good food, a healthy amount of exercise (I was gyming a lot) I'm taking long walks with our dogs and keeping the stress low. My DH and I have been so disheartened along the way this is the only thing that matters, and I don't want to look back and blame myself. Very fortunately work are supporting my decision without quibble. Good luck to all you ladies out there. It's a tough time, but hopefully will be worth it. xxx


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