# Can any over 40's check in please



## oldermummy (Jan 14, 2008)

Sorry if I seem to be all over this thread, I am just over excited lol

Can any one who is over the magical 40 post an update so I can see what everyone else is doing, I am reading like a mad thing but finding it hard to remember everything
Thanks so much, if I am being a pain just tell me and I will shut up


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

Hi OM

what would you like to know?

I am on 2WW following FET - frosties from DE IVF at IM (I think I have seen you on that thread).
We only started trying a couple of years ago and now realise how late we have left it.  I was pretty shocked when I saw the av success rates for the over 40s.  We tried a few goes with my own eggs, but gave up following PGD which showed that all eggs were abnormal.  I just couldnt face keep trying and trying in the vain hope that it might work.  So we made the decision to go for DE.  I was hoping that it would be the answer to our prayers, but we have had 1 failed IVF and and I am not very positive re this FET.

I see the heartache faced by some of the older ladies on the site and wonder if it is just not meant to be.

Sorry Darling - I sound really negative.  I am hoping for a miracle.........

How are you doing?
Lisa


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi Lisa and OM

I am over 40 and checking in.  Lisa sorry to hear about your previous cycles.  I believe that miracles are possible if you are committed to them.  Acknowledge yourself for your courage to keep going - it does take something to be willing to put yourself through this.  And allow your feelings to be.  

I have had 3 cycles which didn't produce a BFP and am now going the DE route. Eventhough it was a roller coaster, I know that I tried and will continue another route until we can't continue.  

OM - I'm not sure what you were looking for but if I can help I will.  I am currently researching Clinics for DE outside of the UK and also thinking of fostering.  

Podbean


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hello everyone 

I am checking in also. Having had 5 IVF failures in the UK over a *considerable period, I underwent one cycle of DE IVF in August 07 with IM in Barcelona (I have just turned 41) and I am now 24 weeks pregnant! So ladies, it does work for some...

All the best to all of you. Sending you all   

Yogs x*


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

I think OM knows this by now, but I am also pregant - I took a test last night & due to have a blood test tomorrow.  My faith in DE IVF is now restored!!!


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi Yogs and Lisa41

   

That is such good news.  So happy for you both.  Thank you for sharing the great news with us.  

Podbean


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Dear Podbean

Thanks for your kind wishes.  All the best for you in your not insignificant endeavours.

I can certainly vouch for IM in Barcelona and would recommend that you contact the excellent Dr Raul Olivares for some advice - an initial appointment is well worth the money at 150Euros and it doesn't obligate you to carry on with treatment there shoudl you decide not to.  Although the experience was slightly different from that in the UK, I was overall quite impressed and feel very fortunate to be where I am now.

Happy to share specific details of my experience if it would help.

Very best wishes to you and others on this thread

Love Yogs xx


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

everyone raves about how dishy he is - I have not met him.

I also thought IM were great & it is really easy communicating by email with them


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hi Lisa

Hope all continues to be well with you  

Yes I thought that Dr Olivares was lovely.  A good communicator, upbeat and positive (despite our repeated failures), kind and patient.  And good looking, yes.  Although he is not really my type  

He has a photo on the IM website (like all the other staff) if anyone wants to check him out  

You're right too, I had very little difficulty communicating promptly by e-mail with IM.  When compared with others' comments about communicating with other clinics abroad, I think IM must have it sorted!

Y x


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## LorraineP (Jan 28, 2008)

HI, I am 45 and have an initial appt booked with the Insituto Marques in Barcelona in April.  We are going for donor eggs.  This is my first attempt having left it somewhat late to decide to try for a baby.  I will keep you posted as to my success.....

I also have endometriosis and am one of the 20% in constant pain and today is not a good day......

L


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## tiger24 (Jun 27, 2007)

Hi OM - I am checking in as an over 40!  I'm 43 in Feb, have one 4 year old ds conceived naturally (and very easily  ), had 3 miscarriages, then tried 4 IVF cycles at the Lister only to be told my eggs were obviously of bad quality.  Now on my 2ww with first DE attempt at IM - keeping everything crossed  

Tiger24


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi Ladies

Thank you for the kind offer of support and information.  I think I will check out this dishy doctor!  

I was going to rule out IM cos of cost and focus on cheaper and less known clinics in Spain, and also in Czech, Ukraine, Moscow and Poland, but having heard your great news feel duty bound to include it.  Isida in Ukraine is looking tops at the moment.  I am also waitlisted now at Reprofit in Czech - late Sept/Oct 2008.  

Hi - Lorraine P.  Best of luck with your initial appointment.

Tiger24 - got my fingers crossed and sending you lots of      to support you.  

podbean


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## Leaf (May 21, 2007)

Hi there and welcome!

I am 44, and going the DE route with IVI Madrid. 

I have a fibroid however and have to have a hysteroscopy - they are £2,500 at Hammersmith Hosp but only 395 euros in Madrid, so I have to try to arrange another trip there - difficult for me and DH to arrange between work commitments, all a bit stressful... 

Anyway that's me, how about you? Good to see you!

Leaf


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## Glyniss (May 4, 2006)

Hi there,
I am almost 42 and got back from Spain yesterday.
2 DET at blastocyst stage on Tuesday, so am now waiting for my test in 8 days time and as you can imagine we are very anxious.


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

Good luck Glyniss

I had 2 FET tr in Spain & I am 42 - mine worked, although I really had low expectations.  This could be the one for you too

Lisa
x


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## larkles (Jun 29, 2005)

Hi Girls

Turned 44 on 31st Jan (not sure how that happened   )

So far 4 iuis all neg, 3 ivf's cancelled due to poor response, 1 egg donation in UK. Since then 1 de cycle at Ceram/Marbella/Spain on waiting list but having trial separation for 3 months so treatment suspended

10th Time Lucky (as they say! we'll see)

Life goes on! 

Best of luck and congratulations to all those with bubs in your tums  

Larkles
xx


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## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi, i've done one cycle of GIFT at ACU UCH, they were very good and got a BFP.  Sadly last weekend it all went wrong and no heartbeat seen at the scan last Monday.  Feeling okay then very sad and as this is my 3rd m/c and I cant even get pregnant naturally any more I am thinking of DE.  I think my m/cs are due to aging eggs, I had a DS within 4 months of trying 5 years ago.  Desparate to have a brother / sister for him, my plan wasn't just one child........

If anyone has advice on how to find a clinic abroad / which one to go for that would be fab.  I'd prefer to so this in the UK but think the waiting lists aren't going to work for me.  We dont look meditaranian so if you go for DE in spain wont it be a bit of a mismatch 

LucyMxxxx


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## INCONCEIVABLE (May 1, 2007)

Altra Vita in Moscow could help perhaps or the Reprofit, Invimed in Poland, Isida in Ukraine?  There is an active altra vita thread with loads of info.  Sorry about your miscarriage...


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Dear Lucy M

Very sorry to hear about your bad luck - I really feel for you (have had my fair share of difficulty before now)  

Don't worry at all about matching characteristics in Spain or wherever.  The most important thing is to find the right clinic for you.  The clinic will be very careful, I have no doubt, that they find the right donor for you.

Both my DH and I are fair haired, blue/green eyed and very clearly not of mediteranean descent.  IM Barcelona had no trouble in finding a suitable matching egg donor for us with no wait at all during the summer last year.  You really have to trust them to get it right

The very best of luck in whatever you decide to do...

Yogs x


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## aemiliastar (May 4, 2007)

Just wanted to say hi.. not technically over 40 but really close by a few months and lets face it this process ages you (time in dog years!)..

Lucy - wanted to say how dreadfully sorry I am and I cant even being to articulate words to comfort you.. I hope that you start feeling better soon and have a really positive outcome whatever route you try next.

I had my first appointment with IM in January.  They were great.. now on pill waiting for a donor.  I never have had any treatment before which I have been gutted about so it hasnt been an easy decision but feeling really good about it now.  I was worried as I am blue eyed and fair but dark haired.. boyfriend is darker but the Dr was blonde with blue eyes and she didnt seem worried about availability or matching (wish she could be my donor but thought it rude to ask!!).

Chose IM because it had great reviews on here, there is no waiting list and the success rates are pretty high.. also LOVE Barcelona and had been there before - see I am deep enough to know I am shallow!

Glyniss - what is blastocyst stage 
Leaf - really interesting about fibroids.. I have one which they are not touching?

A xxx


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## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi everyone,

shortlisted it to AF in Moscow, reporfit or Repmomand in Czec adn ISIDA in Ukraine.  My fav is AF as they let you chose a number of characteristics including mothers education  level.  Bit concerned that if I dont know this then she could be a factory worker with not a lot of intelligence and I could have a child that isn't that bright.  Sorry if this sounds calculated but it is an important factor to me.  My DH said dont worry I will provide that bit, hes lovely but his forte is making and building things...

The thing thats running through my mind at the moment is whether I would love a DE baby as much as my own.  I never imagined how much love I feel for my DS, it took time as I had PND and I wanted to give him away at the start.  However as time passed and after a few months I started to love him very deeply.  I would hate to have another child and be different towards them because one is genetically mine and the other isn't.  I like kids but dont like all my friends kids, so I'm not a person who just loves all babies....

LucyMx


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

Hi Lucy

I really feel for you

I had repeated IVF failures and finally had a cycle with PGD, which confirmed that all my eggs were abnormal.  The realisation that I would never have "my own child" was devastating.

However, you do get over this.  I spoke anonymously to a lady who had given birth to twins via DE and she felt that they were her own - she had carried them herself, the birth mother does influence the genetic make up (ie which genes take preference - there is research on this, but I cannot remember what is called).
Everyone is different and I never thought I would go down DE route, but I am now pregnant and couldnt be happier.  I had the eggs from a 22 year old Spanish girl, who has fair skin and green eyes.  I have Irish colouring, but that is close enough for me. My husband was less accepting at first and was worried that we would end up with a child who looks nothing like us.  Those thoughts have now passed and I am happy that I have such young eggs - far less chance of problems, eg m/c

Give yourself some time Lucy.  If you want to chat it through, I am happy to do so - just let me know

Take care of yourself
Lisa


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## Ali40 (Feb 13, 2006)

Hi Lucy

I am very sorry for your losses. It is such a difficult thing to deal with.

I just wanted to add my two pennith worth and really echo what Lisa41 has said.

As you can see from my history I lost my first (and genetic) child and then my body just ceased up. DE was our only option. I never thought I would be able to love another persons genetic child as much as my own. How wrong could I be. Our DD is the most fantasic little person any mum could wish for. It took me some agonising days to try and come to terms with DE as an option. I felt that I had looked into the eyes of my DS and part of me looked back - would I ever feel that again? The answer is yes - maybe in a slightly different way but I absolutely love her to bits. The most bizzarre thing is that so many people say "doesn't she look like you" and I just smile confidently and say "do you think so - thank you!"

The other thing is the genetic influences that were mentioned is called epigenitics. Here is an extract that I found from somewhere - hope it helps:

Good luck with your decision making.

Best wishes

Alison ....

_Genes must be 'expressed' within an individual in order to have an effect.

The same gene or genes can express in a number of different ways depending upon the environment. A gene can remain 'silent' or unexpressed; it can be expressed strongly; it can be expressed weakly, and so on. There is also an entire field of study called imprinting having to do with which gene you 'activate,' the copy you received from your mother, or the copy you received from your father.

The field of epigenetics studies these phenomenon, and popular journalism is just starting to write about it. While the Human Genome Project was still underway, we usually heard genes referred to as 'the Bible' of the human being, as a kind of absolute truth concerning the fundamental nature of the individual.

That is now changing.

In a donor egg pregnancy, the pregnant woman's womb is the environment. It is her genes, not the donor's, that determine the expression of the
donor-egg baby's genes.

A donor egg baby gets her genes from the donor; she gets the 'instructions' on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries her to term.

This means that a donor egg baby has 3 biological parents: a father, the egg donor, and the woman who carries the pregnancy.

The child who is born would have been a physically & no doubt emotionally different person if carried by his genetic mother.

In horse breeding for example, it's not uncommon to implant a pony embryo into the womb of a horse.

The foals that result, are different from normal ponies. They're bigger. These animals' genotype - their genes - are the same as a pony's, but their phenotype - what their genes actually look like in the living animal - is different._


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## aemiliastar (May 4, 2007)

Thank you for the last two posts.  I am on the IM thread (as you know) and going down the DE route.  It absolutely destroyed me to think I could have "my own" child and I just couldnt get to grips with it.  I do feel that I have now and now that I turned that corner I am terrified that it wont work.  I have to say to begin with I felt it was "second best" and I couldnt tell anyone.  I had no one to talk to about this.  Everyone was pregnant around me, naturally, and my friends were my age or older.  I felt really lost and alienated.  When I went to the doctors they were nice but when I mentioned DE it was.. really?? unheard of!

My DP has been truly amazing.  I think secretly we all worry what the child will be like.  Will it have an overwhelming feature like a large nose or start cursing in Spanish, and this overwhelmed my thoughts... I know shallow.  I now know in my heart this wont be an issue.  There are no guarantees in life, my pregnant friends have these feelings (well not the spanish bit).  I had a chance to speak to someone who had DE twins and I was too scared to.. this website has been so helpful in knowing what you feel someone else does or has in the past... 

Hope this helps!

x


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## Lisa41 (Jun 8, 2007)

Strangely I do half expect the baby to speak Spanish - wierd.
Also, I have caught myself looking at all the faces of the Spanish girls, thinking "oh god I hope it is not her"  or "she would be great" - you can drive yourself mad actually.  

The lady I spoke to anonymously who had had twins, said that the only way you can tell is that their little legs get brown in the sun -  really sweet.

I guess the reality is,  that we are just lucky that we have this 2nd chance of being a Mum - a few years ago, it would not have been possible.

Best wishes to everyone
xx


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Ladies,

I am 43yrs old and have been on the roller coaster for years too!! I am in the process of using DE in the near future. I didnt realise there was so many of us..lol Look forward to getting to know u all.

Maz x


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## Old Mum (Apr 16, 2007)

Hi All,  just seeing this post now.  I guess Oldermummy and I will get mixed up from our names but we are different.

I have just turned 43 (some of you know me from the IM DE board).  We have just this week had our 2nd failed IVF cycle at IM and are pretty gutted just now but have 2 frozen ones left over.  Everything was hugely positive this time,  my lining,  a proven previous donor and great quality embies transferred but its not to be.    I expect the witch will arrive today as I'm doubled with cramps but next steps for us is to do a dummy cycle and in about 3 weeks go back to IM for a doppler scan and a hystoroscopy to see if there is any problems with my womb lining.      Who knows after that


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Oldmum,

I know how hard this all is and I am sending u        It isnt easy to try and live through all this but hope keeps us all going. U havent any info on ur post saying if u have any kids now. I dont have any either and that makes it all the more difficult when all ur hopes are pinned on it working. Keep ur chin up and I am sure we will all get there. If u want anyone to chat feel free to say hi i am always here or there!

Maz x


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## aemiliastar (May 4, 2007)

Just wanted to say Hi Maz - your AMH is good isnt it.. just saying that as I think mine was 0.68 and the consultant just laughed and said no chance.. the treatment is really tough isnt it but if you do decide to go down the donor route there are lost of lovely ladies on here that have helped with the virtual hand holding!!! 

Hello to Old Mum who I do know from the IM site.. I am so gutted for you and can totally understand why you were so hopeful.. I have to say it just proves that this really is a numbers game.. you have a great hand and it doesnt work and then some people are worried about lining, grades etc, FET, backup donors and wham bham it works.. I know this must have been so tough for you but hoping you can stay positive for the next go.. especially after all the tests have been done and you have some great frozen embies left to go and claim!!!!

xxxx


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Aemiliastar,

Thanks for the lovely message. I was told my AMH was low to med so wasnt going to spend any more time on treatment that might not work. I have been on the DE newbies for a few months now and also lurk in the IVI board as that is where I am looking to go to. The ladies on here are so nice and keep everyone going if it wasnt for them we would think we all alone and no one to turn to. Wish u all the luck on ur journey hun and i do hope to hear good news from u soon!! 

Maz x


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## Paxi (Sep 22, 2005)

Hi, I'm not sure if this will help.  I have 15 month old twins born following de IVF at Ceram.  I am now 46 (was 44 when we had treatment).  One of my little boys looks quite Spanish - dark eyes, olive skin and brown hair and he is the most beautiful little boy you could hope to see - luckily he looks nothing like me (!) but has a look of my husband at that age.  The other twin is a blue eyed blond and people comment on how much like me he looks (poor soul)!  I should add that I am a blue eyed blonde, and dh is fair skinned and brown eyed.  Not a day goes by when I don't thank those who made these children possible, including 'our' donor and the staff at Ceram.  However, they are my sons - and it was me who made them who they are!  It has taken a bit of time for me to feel this way - but what I can say is that I think they are the most gorgeous children ever and that their birth and the weeks following it removed any lingering doubts I might have had over our use of donor eggs.  I read recently that the first step to using a donor is grief - and I think that is true, but without my age related infertility I would never had had the privilege of being the mother of this amazing pair!  Sorry if this is making you feel sick - I was hoping to be uplifting! Love, Kitty


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## solar2001 (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi, 
Thought I would say hello. Fairly new to FF. I posted a few messages way back in October when I was researching clinics.

Feeling strange after arriving back in the UK yesterday from Spain where I had DE and ICSI. 11 eggs...6 fertilised...3 made it to day 3...2 eggs transferred, 1 frozen. So I am on day five on the 2ww. The emebies were 7 and 8 cells, so they are on day eight! 

Just a bit dazed at the moment...my partners sperm quality was poor and they only gave us a 30% chance, which has now risen to 70%.  Feeling positive, apprehensive and a bit like I need some contact with others who are going through the same, especially given the raised eyebrows from friends and family who think I'm a bit bonkers to start all of this off at my age!!

Sending   to all of you other oldies out there!

Lynne


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hello everyone  

Solar2001's post prompted me to respond, as I was in a similar position back in August 2007 when I underwent treatment at IM in Barcelona.

I am 41 now (was 40 at time of ET in August 07), so an older Mum  , having been told I had a low ovarian reserve at about 38 (and no family at that stage), it took some coming to terms with knowing I could only have a family through DE.

My partner's sperm was also of poor numbers and poor motility, but after having DNA fragmentation and FISH test, we knew it was genetically OK, so onward we went and kept our fingers crossed!

Our donor gave 6 eggs, and 5 fertilised but only 2 embies were good enough to use (I have to admit that I didn't ask their grade, but I was told one was better than the other).  So I have no frosties.

The good news is that I am now just over 29 weeks pregnant with one little girl.  Just waiting now for her to come and see what she looks like  !

Solar - take no notice of what anyone else says or thinks! (raised eyebrows etc).  If its what you and your DP want, then that's all that matters.     Sending lots of positive and sticky vibes...

Yogs xx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi

Just to join the over-40s - I am 43 next month, DH is 50.  We had 3 lots of ICSI in UK to March 07, only the last one was a BFP but it didn't develop and I had a managed m/c.  In January this year found I was naturally pregnant - but 6 week scan showed slow growth and subsequent scans, although with heartbeats, still had slow growth, and I m/c at 8 weeks.  I found last year hard following the 3rd ICSI (we had agreed 3 goes would be the end of it), so spent most of last year trying to adjust.  This year's natural BFP has blown me way off course, and now I feel I would do anything for a pregnancy.  I would like to go for Donor Eggs or even Donor Embryos, but DH is really not very happy with this idea.  I understand his reluctance as I think it is quite a leap from a baby that is genetically your own.  However, I have a friend with 3 children using donor sperm due to her DH problems, none of us bat an eyelid or think anything strange about that at all, they are definitely 'his' children!  And I have always been a firm believer in nurture being of overriding importance (and nature being almost insignificant) in the raising of a child.

I am so frustrated at DH for not wanting to go down this route, while he's thinking about it (or rather, not thinking about it!) I am just getting older and feel the chance slipping away.

However, we do have 3 frosties - although I don't hold out much hope, given 3 cycles of fresh ones didn't work!  I know it's possible, just very unlikely.  What I really don't want to do is go with the frosties, and not have a back up plan.  There is such a difference between grieving for an unsuccessful cycle, and grieving for the chance of motherhood.

It's so nice to see older ladies!
Love Maggie xxx


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## solar2001 (Sep 9, 2007)

Yogs 
 great to hear a good news story... thanks for responding. I'm in great need of the  , so thanks.

I'm currently sat here wondering which of the many twinges and tweaks I'm feeling, mean anything or nothing.

I will maybe scout around some of the other threads to see if I can attain enlightenment!  

Larkles, if you are out there...by a strange coincidence...I turned 44 on the 31st January also. 

Been reading all of the back posts.  I feel blessed and lucky to already have a son, so found it easier to get my head around DE as my DP didn't have kids. So one with my genes and, with a lot of luck, we will maybe have one with his!

I know so many of you have had such long journeys. I am heartened to read that so many of you, who have been through such pain, get through it and carry on. You lot are such an inspiration.

Maggie, You have had a tough old time. My DP and me went through a similar discussion. The consultant here in the UK and in Spain both concluded there would be a much greater chance of success with a younger egg given my DPs low count and motility and my age, although I have plenty of eggs . He was okay until the clinic suggested fertilising half the DE's with donor sperm. We had some real issues to deal with.   I felt really angry with him; that I could deal with donor but he couldn't. In the end we compromised and decided to have a go just using DE plus DPs sperm on the first attempt, and then use donor sperm in subsequent attempts (we've given ourselves 3 goes as well). My mental cut off point was 45.

Feel more connected already.

Love Lynne XXX



Hope to hear from other oldies soon.

Lynne


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## potumus (Feb 28, 2008)

Hello,

I'm looking into ED abroad - do you have address of links to these clinics that you have had success in? Whats the waiting time and cost (sorry to ask) but it is a factor.

I feel a bit more positive that I might not be at the end of the road at 40  

Jules


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

hi everyone
at 44 do I qualify as old enough?!!!
Well, like many of you we have had several treatments, all unsuccessful, since the death of our lovely, only child, Joshua
Admittedly starting to lose hope but we must keep telling ourselves that it does work and we just have to have the strength (and resources) to keep trying
Wishing you all luck
Nikki


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## daphne08 (Feb 24, 2008)

Hi ladies

I'm 42 and have had 4 failed IVF/ICSI cycles in the UK over the past 2 years and currently having treatment using DE in Spain. Just had a BFN via this route on the 14th March. Have one FE - but not feeling too hopeful at the moment....

Best wishes to all.  

D
xxx


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## Grumpyduck (Nov 30, 2007)

Hi all, 

DW is 42 this year I am 44, Our first cycle of ICSI abroad (after failure in UK) using DE has resulted in one little tiddler.


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hello everyone who has been posting on this thread... 

It would be really nice to know, as no one seems to have posted on this thread since 16 March, how everyone is progressing either with early pregnancies, plans for treatment, decisions for what route to take, results of pregnancy tests after 2WW, whether donors have been found and treatments started (sorry not really got time to send pms and things).

Lots of love to all, Yogs x


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi Yogs  

I posted really early on, on this board and have subsequently chosen ISIDA Kiev, so feel a bit like an imposter here.  However, I will update you all.  I am looking forward to seeing some success stories, and also if any ladies here have any good news for people in my situation.   

At the moment, I'm wallowing in the mire, believing now I can never get pregnant and really questioning if the money we spent last year was wise, in light of what I have subsequently discovered.

Thanks for re-starting the discussion, Yogs.  

So I am booked in for DE IVF with ISIDA.  We had the first consultation back in Feb 2008, and Dr Oleg discovered loads of fibroids, a weak lining, and some polyps.    He was surprised that I could have been treated recently for IVF with my womb in the state it was in!  This resulted in me being angry, upset, and thinking the world was ending, and I had been majoryly ripped off in London. (That may not be the case, but that was my initial cynical, sceptical thoughts.)

I had a hysteroscopy at ISIDA on March 20th.  After that Dr Oleg came to see me and said the womb was worse than he initially imagined - the hysteroscopy giving a much clearer picture than the initial scan.  He removed 3 huge fibroids - don't have the size but they were really big, a polyp and "shaved" the top of my uterus as it was concave, and not the right shape.  However, there were so many fibroids of different types and sizes that he couldn't remove them all so he prescribed Decapetyl, devigel and trental to help shrink them.  

I have to say that I have been dead impressed with Isida (Dr Oleg and Larissa have been very good with me, as I tend to get my knickers in a right knot, and my head goes on a fast cycle spin, when bad news is delivered, and I then subject Larissa to a barrage of questions incessantly, many of which she has probably answered before in my earlier emails!) 

I thought when I started down the DE route, we'd just pop over to Kiev have DE IVF and then 8 weeks I'd be celebrating a baby and you'd all be sending me those really pretty messages, and I'd just be feeling delighted (well we knew it may take at least 3 attempts, we didn't expect there to be additional hurdles!)  My London clinic said in December the only thing they could find wrong with me was my eggs - too old - they admitted there was 1 fibroid - had had it all the year but it was nothing to worry about.  

Then this week I went to see Dr Gibb, The Birth Company in London for the 14 day scan after hysteroscopy and for the first Decapeptyl injection.  Dr Gibb and everybody at The Birth Company were lovely, not rushed or too busy like some other places I have experienced.  However, during the scan, he kept saying to me that my womb was in an unbelievable state - the fibroids -  and he couldn't quite believe that I could have been having IVF as late as Dec last year - the fibroids were too big to have grown since then, but it's hard to justify or prove that.  His manner was caring and he saw the impact his words had on me.  I was inconsolable.  He asked me to go and have a cup of tea, and he called another fertility specialist to come and re-scan me.  He was really concerned and at that stage didn't think I should be trying for children.  

In a snivellling mess, I was taken to a separate waiting room, where the staff there checked up on me regularly, whilst we waited for the other specialist to arrive.  I called DP who was wonderful - this is the only appointment he has missed   and it had to be the one where I dissolved into a puddle of tears. I really did believe that my world has just dissolved too.  

DP was exceptional and managed to compose me.  I had a second scan with the Fertility specialist lady, who was more encouraging - the fibroids were really bad, but it is possible that they will shrink over time.  So it's not as bad we had originally thought, and it's not great either, but there is still hope and I am a believer that anything is possible.  

So yesterday, I went back for the Decap injection.  Dr Gibb was absolutely lovely and has requested that he scans me again in two weeks to check out the fibroids and to make sure the Decap is working.  He's also now going to administer the next two injections for me as they are a bit larger than normal IVF injections I have had before.  

So that's where I am at!  

Initially, we had planned to be on the 2WW now, and if that didn't work we were booked in with Stepan at Reprofit for Sept 23rd for Egg Retrieval.  Stepan has said in light of the fibroid situation and the fact we won't have DE now until at least Ju/jul/August that the earliest we can see him would be Dec 11th now!  

So, gosh this is now becoming my lifestory, I've had to re-schedule Invimed - well I haven't even suggested a date other than 2009!  

As a result of all this, DP and I are now wondering if in fact we shouldn't just stay with Dr Oleg (if we aren't succeessful in jun/jul/aug, that is) as he knows my womb now, and as fibroids can re-grow inbetween treatments, new clinics may not know the full history.  (Isida are extremely thorough in their level of testing, which is one of the main reasons we chose them, it was either them, Altra Vita or Invimed on the final shortlist).

So, if people are still reading this, and if you know of anyone who has had a womb in a shocking state - both Dr Oleg and Dr Gibb agreed with each other on this, at a similar age 44, who has gone on to have DE IVF and conceived a baby and carried to term, would you please let me know.    

I suppose I should post this in the fibroid section too, as some of the ladies there may have some positive stories too.  

Thank you all for bearing with me.  I am normally quite positive and upbeat, but the last two weeks have been rather a lot to cope with.  I think having just shared this with you all has put me in a better frame of mind.  (I hope you're not all feeling dumped on, that's not the intention.)  

Also, I know that ISIDA have had some fabulous results from the ladies who have corresponded with personally.  I'm praying I don't have to have a laparoscopy as Dr Oleg suggested as the next step if the drugs don't work, because it is quite invasive.  So, I'm keeping everything crossed and hoping for good news.  

I hope the rest of you have some happier upbeat stories to share with us all. 

Lots of all 
Podbean
x


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi lovely ladies (and gentleman!)

I have found out so much information since posting on this site in early March - I am so ready to go abroad for donor eggs, but DH has pretty much had enough of treatment, and doesn't feel strongly enough about fatherhood to go through more than just using our 3 frosties.

This is a real stalemate situation - I feel so strongly about motherhood since my BFP & m/c earlier this year that I am not at all ready to give up the prospect of being a mother.  It feels like DH is asking me to choose between him and children.  

From all that I have read and found out, I think using donor eggs would give us a very good chance of having a successful pregnancy in the next year.  The other annoying thing is that we (he) can afford it - not that it's not painful, but wouldn't have to extend our mortgage - he is a good saver!

Of course if the frosties work all this will be academic!  Although I know they could possibly work, I also know the chances are not very high.  DH brother having 2nd child in May, which we would be visiting about 2 weeks after FET result.  It's not the cycle not working that's the problem, it's the closing the door on motherhood and I think I would be grieving big time, not to say feeling very badly towards DH as he will appear to be the only thing between me and motherhood.

What's it all about eh?
Love Maggie xxx


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## gilly1960 (Feb 26, 2007)

Hi, 
I have been posting occasionally on the IVI thread, but as I am 47, it seems appropriate that i introduce myself here.
I have a DS who is 7, but I am now single - my husband and i separated 2 years ago - trying for a second child was part of our problem. i was still wanting to continue, but my husband had had enough.  I have tried to move on with my life, but in my heart, I still need to try for another child. So I came back from my first appt at IVI Alicante yesterday.
I have a cyst on an ovary that the Doctor wants to eliminate first, but then i hope to get started with donor egg and donor sperm.
He also wants me to think carefully re;twins - being 47 and being single. Any thoughts welcomed.
Love Gill.


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

we must keep thinking about the lady in the news who had a baby at 57...Ive not read about it but someone mentioned it the other day..that must encourage us, surely
Hi to you all
Nikki ((45 next month eek)


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Oh Podbean, poor girl, you seem to have been through hell just lately, and then going on to think you are boring us with your woes!? Not at all! . You really seem to be going through the mill, but by my reckoning, coping extremely well!

I haven't quite experienced the level of disappointment that you have, but what I did take from your message was that clearly the clinics you have been to have a difference of opinion ie. your London clinic saying that they knew you had one fibroid _vs_ the Kiev clinic (ISIDA) giving you an entirely different story. I had a similar problem in that my UK clinic were taking a pragmatic approach (and costing me lots of money) but in Barcelona (with IM), it was an entirely different (more scientific) approach wanting us to undergo tests not previously suggested in the UK. My DH was not convinced (about the IM approach) but I was, so I suggested one attempt with IM to see how we got on, and he seemed happy with that as there was no wait (at the time).

I really think there's no right or wrong answer, and I think you must go with your gut feeling about these things. Often one step at a time. Besides, is the situation the ISIDA clinic describing what has stopped you conceiving previously I wonder ? Dr Gibb had the same opinion as ISIDA (? have I got that right), so the ISIDA clinic can't be far wrong. What does that say about the UK clinic...? Not as thorough, perhaps, as they might have been?

Sounds like your DH is lovely and supportive, and that you should be able to make decisions jointly having discussed all the ramifications and timescales.

I am right with you in not having invasive investigations where they may not be asbolutely necessary, and I suppose that's a starter for 10 (how necessary are these things?). _*If*_ absolutely necessary you should be able to get a laparoscopy on the NHS, and get a copy of the results to benefit your private treatment! I'm all for taking advantage of what's available without paying out unnecessary money.

Anyway, sorry I can't be of more help (wish I could), but I do hope you have some good news soon! Keep us posted.

Love, Yogs xx


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Dear Maggie

My heart goes out to you  .

When my DH and I went for our last lot of treatment (with IM in August last year), he had started to say that he couldn't really go on, and that this might have to be our last attempt.  I have to say, like you, that I felt panic then.  Not about the fact that I would remain childless for the rest of my life, but that this wonderful strong partner of mine had felt so 'traumatised' by the tmt, that he'd had enough!  I wondered at the time (perhaps similarly to you) what that really meant for us as a couple and whether ('cos I'm older than him) he'd ultimately find someone else (younger or whatever).

I think what makes this harder for you is the positive outcome from tmt and then a devastating m/c you had earlier this year.  So sorry to hear about that.  I think the best medicine (sorry about the pun!) here is to calmly discuss it with your DH, and find a compromise (and perhaps a cut off point).  As you say, its not about the money is it, it is really about what's important to you as individuals and as a couple.  

Lots of love and best wishes to you, Yogs xx


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi Yogs 

Thank you for the supportive words. This week is much better than last. Dashed expectations always cause upset for me.  Also, the words of support you gave to Maggie, really resonate with me too. I think a lot of my tears and fears were not really based around me not being a mother, but were based around what it meant for me with DP - would he find a younger more fertile model? I am also older than DP. He says that this has never crossed his mind - we'll do 6 DE IVF cycles if we have to. After that, I'm not sure I would want to continue, but I'll cross that bridge if and when I have to.

Now, I have accepted that we have to get my womb healthy, in order to give myself a proper chance of pregnancy, so that's what we are doing. Also, Dr Oleg (ISIDA) won't treat me if there really is no chance. You understood correctly Yogs, both Dr Oleg (ISIDA) and Dr Gibb (The Birth Company - they are doing the UK side of things - scans, PAPs, injections for me - very good too!) - neither could quite believe that I underwent 3 cycles last year - from the state of my womb. (To be fair to the clinic in London, they can not prove 100% that the situation was so dire - it is possible but unlikely that the treatment drugs last year caused the fibroids, but the size of them suggests that they have been hanging around for much longer than that.)

From our limited experience, the clinics overseas seem to do much more thorough testing than the one we used in the UK, and also at ISIDA Dr Oleg is the only who will treat me - and he does all of the scans himself and the hysteroscopy - no other doctors are allowed to treat me - which at first I found odd, but now, I quite like that approach.

To answer your question as to whether it was fibroids that prevented implantation - it's really hard to say with certainty but judging from Dr Oleg and Dr Gibb - more than likely, however, age and all, 43 during treatment with own eggs - they could well have been the problem. We've put last year down to experience, and realised that we should have looked further afield - but I don't think I could have gone the DE route last year. I couldn't quite get my head around it until January of this year. Also, I didn't know about Fertility Friends last year, so I doubt we would have known how to start going about it without the support from everyone here. I think your conclusion is correct that the London Clinic was just not as thorough in checking the womb as they are at ISIDA and other European clinics.

Great advice about the NHS laparoscopy.  we don't need that and these magic drugs are making everything disappear - abracadabra!  Thank you for suggesting that.

We'll know by the end of June if they can continue with the DE cycle - I really hope they can.

Was it IM that got you pregnant? We were going to go there in January - very attracted by their Refund Policy, stats, and we go to Spain quite a bit so it would have been familiar and easy, but I got persuaded by the Eastern European approach and the cost differential too.

*Hi Maggie* - I'm sorry to hear the news about your DH and the mc after natural pregnancy, but I think Yogs advice is good if you are able to have the discussion with your hubby. I think sometimes it's hard to appreciate what our partners are going through too when we do treatment cycles.

*Hi Gill* - best of luck with the treatment. I can't really advise about the twin situation but there is a lady on here who has twins at 47 - you could pm her if you want the low down on being a single mother with them. I know we're meant to slow down as we get older, but equally, I think we are more mature, maybe a little more secure emotionally and financially, calmer etc - and I think that has to count for an awful lot. I think I would have been a disastrous mother in my twenties (I'm just talking about me, here, not people in their 20s in general). I was completely fixated on my career, me, shoes, handbags, good nights out, etc - there was no room for anybody else.

If I do it now, then I truly believe I'd just be a much better mother than me doing it 20 years ago. Plus, the partners I had back then, there's no way they could have squired a child of mine!

Best of luck to everybody
Podbean
x


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hi again Podbean - glad you're feeling better this week - onwards and upwards 

Yes it was indeed IM with whom (through tmt in August 07) I achieved this pregnancy. You are right, they are quite expensive and the £/Euro exchange rate is not very good at the moment!

I'm really sorry *Gill* I forgot to respond to your post. For me twins was a very scary prospect right from the outset (but it would have been had I been 10 years younger ), but for some it is a very welcome surprise. I suppose it is something to consider carefully at any age, and taking into consideration circumstances.

Interestingly enough, at IM in August 07 I did have 2 embies transferred, so it could have been twins for us. As it happens, we have both decided (at the moment, although who knows, that may change in the future?!) to leave it at one baby. I would be terrified to think that having one child, I would conceive twins next (I don't think I'd cope too well - I think I am not as capable as some mummies ).

Love to all, Yogsxxxx


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## BURNLEY (Feb 7, 2008)

Hi ladies - hope u dont mind me joining in- just read all your posts and have been chatting with Podbean who has been really helpful. In summary I will be 43 in July and we didnt start ttc till last year - crazy i know! The plan was if it happens great, if not its meant to be and no docs or tests etc. Got pg straight away - shocked  and didnt realise til 6 weeks gone - thrilled and then mc at 8 weeks - devastated! My world had changed and I now really want a baby, got pg again and mc at 6 weeks. Went privately to Barts and iui recommended, 2 failed IUIs and then got pg naturally  - at 6 weeks suspected ectopic, laprosocpy and pg not found, and 3 days later 2 sacs appeared -one with heart beat but lost all 2 weeks later this feb. Have had recurrent mc tests and saw Raj Rai St Marys re mc, added some more tests in for both of us,results in May. he does not recommend IVF for me but dependent on results thinks 6 month ttc naturally and then DE. He recommends Spain, just had a bad few days and want to get going on DE research, any advise most welcome as Im losing hope
Burnley


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## london65 (Feb 8, 2008)

Dear Podbean, re the fibroids: I have soem too, but my clinic at the ACU in London were not at all concerned - none of the sonographers or consultants. I have several intramural fibroids but they wouldnt interfere with carrying a pregnancy to term. They are only serious if they are bulging out into the womb cavity itself, or are around the neck of the cervix. So do make sure that clinic isn't being overly careful and making you so worried! I wish all of us all the best. Me and my lovely man are on the waiting list for Ceram in Spain, but it could be a 6 month wait! 
Kate


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## podbean (Jan 16, 2008)

Hi everybody

Apologies for being a bit out of it of late.  Busy weekend, and just a bit numb from getting the drugs so wrong!  

Anyway, thank you everybody for the support and the kind words.  Kate, it's great to hear that other doctors don't think the fibroids are too much of a problem.  It would seem that some E E clinics do take them more seriously than others, for certain.  Right now, I am happy to follow Dr Oleg's advice and Dr Gibb and see what happens over the next few months with the Decap injections.  Keeping everything crossed that they will magically disappear - the fibroids, that is, not the doctors!  Boom boom!  Sorry, been on my own all day - it's not healthy.  


Burnley - how are you doing?  It was good to hear from you.  

And Yogs,  I hope you are OK.

Lots of love
Podbean
x


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## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi ladies,

podbean I thinjk I might of already mentioned that I have a fibroid but its small 1.8cm x 1.7cm x 1.6 cm and doesn't protrude.  I am sending my MRI scan report I had done over a year ago to ISIDA as I dont think I need any treatment for this and want to smooth my way for a potential DE treatment their in July / August.  I do have my final attempt with my own eggs - day1 in about 9 days coming up and hope it will work ("4th time lucky") but being a project manager I need my contingency plan sorted out.  I am having PDG testing done as I think most of my poor eggs will result in an embie thats abnormal and I really dont want to have another m/c.  If I get one embie to survive past the tests that will be pretty goood going as they are't as tough as they would be if I was in my 30s and the process I will put the through is quite intensive.

Burnley dont give up hope yet.  With the DE avenue open to us we still have lots of chances that we will have children.  Its amazing that we have this option and can turn back the clock to some degree.

Maggie so sorry to hear you and DH aren't of the same mind.  It must be so difficult.  Maybe it will just take a bit of time and talking.  It is hard as this whole fertility issue can take over your lives and you can feel like you haven't quite got what you want which isn't the best place to be in.

LucyMx


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Hi

I am 41 in June and am having DE sometime in July/August after 5 goes at ICSI and 1 FET with my own eggs xxx


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## BURNLEY (Feb 7, 2008)

Hi Girls
Just another set back! Nhs have messed up recurrent mc tests and we need to have them repeated, so another 4 week wait! DH has hernia and we went privately 3 week ago and still awaiting response, secretary on leave, researching DE in earnest now. Best of luck Lucy - keep us posted
Burnley
xx


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

just to say that Im 45 next week and going back for my frosties (again!) some time in May
Lets hope we all get lucky
Nikki


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Ladies

Just to say, I'm going for FET with frosties in June (was going to be April but have just had 4 weeks tonsilitis/chest infection!).  I was 43 last week.  Today had an acupuncture appointment, partly just to have some tlc as a pick-me-up, but also because acupuncture has a good press re: fertility.  I am not entirely convinced, but no harm putting myself in the way of opportunity.

For the record, DH doesn't want any more treatment after frosties, so then it's just down to natural - fat chance but who knows?

Good luck for all of us!
Love Maggie xxx


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## Yogs (Sep 6, 2007)

Hi All and particularly to MaggietheViking

Good luck for tmt with your frosties    .  Maggie, as I think I might have already said, my DH was starting to say at our last treatment that 'this was to be the last go' as he'd clearly had enough, and hey presto, here I am 37 weeks pregnant.

You never know!  It might just work for you just as you're starting to take your eye off the ball?!  

Sorry to hear you've not been too well.  Very best of luck for your FET.

Love, Yogs x


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Thanks Yogs!

Best of luck for your birth!

Love Maggie xxx


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## LovelyLady (Sep 25, 2006)

Hi All

I'm 45. My DH had ICSI and we have had one ET with my eggs but no pregnancy in the UK.

We are now heading for IVI in Barcelona for egg donation and I have been in touch with 2 other women from this board who are also having treatment there.

It's been really helpful to know there are so many other women 40+ who are also trying this (and some succeeding!).

Love to everyone

Lovely Lady


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

hi Lovely
Im nosey but wondering who recommended you to IVI BCN..Im just thinking of a contingency plan in case I need to chose another clinic in the future (but hopefully not)
Its always good to have the info (and recommendations)
Best of luck with your appmt there
Nikki


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Ladies, 

Have been following this thread and reading up on u all! I was wondering if i could join you? I am 43 (44 in a few weeks time) I have like you all throught this long and painful IVF journey. I am just about to go for my 1st appointment in a clinic in Spain for DE and possibly DS also. It is hard when u realise the chance of a natural BFP with own eggs or even IVF is very slim. I came to the conclusion that I want to be a mummy even if that means not my own eggs as I will love him/her anyway. 
Hoping to get to know u all and wishing that everyone gets what they want very soon  

Love Maz x


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

hi Maz
which clinic are you going to in Spain?
Nikki


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Nikkis,

I am going to IVI Alicante, and there has been loads of BFP's from that clinic so feeling positive about it. What clinic are u going to? as u can see i have been through along journey like most of the ladies on here, its never easy but i think that i have came this far i have to try everything!! 

Love Maz x


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## pje (Jun 15, 2005)

HI Haven't been on FF for sometime.  But DH and I have been to IM Barcelona and we have opted for DE.  However DH FISH test has turned out to be pathological which means that there is a high % of abnormal sperm (does anyone have any experience with this and a positive outcome).

Our experience of IM to date has been good, easy to communicate with and they always return my calls.  Wondering who our Donor is and now that they will start stimming her -just how many eggs will be produced, and then mixed with DH sperm how many will fertilise.  The clinic have said that younger eggs can help to repair some abnormal sperm (I have not heard this before - can this be true?)

A very exciting but also anxious time for us both and we may have to go for PGD and who knows the results??

Would be interested in hearing thoughts/views on this on all of this?

Bye

Maz (Not MAZ0


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

hi
IM dont believe in stimulating the donor loads..they prefer to get fewer good quality eggs
Ive never heard of good eggs balancing out bad sperm!  If we fail on this next FET then we are going for donor sperm at IM
xx


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## LorraineP (Jan 28, 2008)

Hello I am 45, soon to be 46 and I am waiting for the call from barcelona IM to bring us over for our donor egg embryo transfer.

Will keep you posted.

L


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hiya, hope you don't mind me joining you here.

I'm new to FF and trying to find my way around. I have 3 smallish fibroids and an underactive thryroid which is under control with thyroxine.  My DH and I have been to Spain for our first DE consultation this month and have returned home with the medication list and info.  We had all our tests done in the UK.  The medication list is scaaaaaaary and I feel apprehensive about what lies ahead, taking the medication and any side effects it may have. I feel slightly uncomfortable speaking to my GP about this, cos the treatment is getting done abroad and because of my age! 

However (deep breath), it's now or never!!!

I hope I can join you here.

xxx


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

Orange Sorbet..you will be glad you are on FF..there are so many lovely ladies here and you will see you are not alone
Nikki


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Orangesorbet, 

I have an underactive thyroid too (also on thyroxine) Have just started treatment with DE and DS at IVI in Spain, what clinic are u attending? I am sure u will find loads of helpfull ladies on FF, as I have found everyone very helpful and friendly. I had all my tests done in Spain (awaiting all my blood results to see if they think i should have extra meds re my thyroid prob ( I have antibodies) also checked for blood clotting etc. If i can help u in anyway please feel free to message me.

Love Maz x


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Nikki and Maz,

Thanks for your replies.  We attended the IVI in Spain - it's an enormous step!  I'm in the process of finding out how to get the medication now but I do worry about taking it.  To further complicate things, my AF has gone AWOL!!    Typical!  My thyroid's been underactive for 4/5 years, and my bloomin' fibroids have caused me lots and lots of probs, even tho they're quite small.  I was surprised when I found out what size they are cos they feel much bigger than they actually are.  They've been around for a while now too!  We had all our tests done in the UK.

I'm still trying to figure how things work on this site with the messaging.

Oranges xxx


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Orange,

What IVI are u attending? I am attending Alicante. I bought all my drugs in Spain when I had my first appointment but I know alot of the girls have ordered from the Italian Pharmacy and they seem good. I had all my blood tests done at IVI and they done etc for my thyroid and also for clotting etc as I have had 3 M/C's. If I can help u with anything please ask.

Love Maz x


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Maz, 

I need to get in touch with my co-ordinator, i'm confused about when and what to start when no AF.

Oranges x


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

Im lucky that Ive always managed to start my AF but I believe that there is something they can give you to bring on your AF if it doesnt come naturally (at least they seem to at my clinic IM)
Nikki


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Nikki,

I think ur right i am sure there is a pill u can take that starts ur AF off so u can get on with treatment but like u I havent used it either. What stage are u at with ur treatment in IM Nikki? 
Orange, if u contact IVI i am sure they will advise u what to do.

Love Maz x


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hiya,

Thanks for advice, i've emailed co-ordinator today.  Hope to be back soon!

Oranges xxx


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi,

I'm just wondering how helpful you find your GP when discussing DE??  I've got questions about the meds and other stuff and it would be good to talk to her, just not sure how well it would go.

Oranges x


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi Oranges, and all ladies on this thread

I'm another over 40 ... will be 48 in September!!! (very over 40!) So its all a bit urgent now unfortunately ... still, feel very lucky that there is at least the possibility of being a mother. Am having DEIVF in the USA in July, so getting very excited now! (I had an appointment with IM, who were excellent, but ended up going to the US for other reasons, nothing to do with IM).

Oranges, I wanted to say that I was also nervous about discussing DE with my GP but she's been absolutely wonderful and so supportive, and I am really glad I did. I have had some of my tests done at the surgery too, and some at my UK clinic, where the nurse has also been extremely helpful. I think most GPs would prefer to be kept in the picture at an early stage, but I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with yours. I know some ladies prefer not to involve their GPs at all, and if my GP wasn't very approachable, I probably wouldn't be involving her.

Best of luck with your appointment

Sue. x


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Sue,

It’s great to hear from you. I wish I hadn’t left it so long to go up the DE route but here I am now.  My DH and I had our first appt at IVIB this month and I’ve not started any meds yet - no AF.

That’s great you have a supportive GP, it definitely makes a difference.  My own GP was very helpful and sympathetic to my situation but she went onto Maternity Leave.  I then had to tell my story to another 2 GPs in the practice, as I needed the various referral letters.  That was fairly stressful in itself.  I’ve now got extra questions about my fibroids as I’ve been having some mysterious new lower back pain over the last week or two, that I’m hoping isn’t being caused by the fibroids.  GP appt on Monday.

I'm quite new FFand I think it's great, I log on and end up being on for hours.  My DH is wondering where I keep disappearing off to.

Hope your July appt goes well and keep in touch.

Oranges x


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## judelarry (Jan 6, 2008)

Hi Gals,
I havent posted on this link before but just read your bits and just want to give you bit of encouragement.Its early days for me and i dont want to look too far ahead as Ive had few scares but just to say I was lucky the first time with Ed and whereever you go I know youll be looked after and dont think of age !think of what good parents you will make .We have 2 jumping beans and still that everyday every thing will be ok.So Im just posting to say go for it and dont look back.
Love J.x


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

J, thanks so much for the words of encouragement they all mean so much   We all hope and   that we get those BFP's and would like to wish u all the success in your PG and     Thanks so much x

Hi Sue and good luck on ur DE, Its great to know that I am not the only 40 something wishing to become a mummy!  

Oranges, will Pm u sweetie  

Love Maz x


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi J 

Yes, thanks so much for your post... it really is encouraging to see any BFPs, but gives me great hope when its someone the same age!! Congrats on your 2 little ones .... how fantastic, I'm sure you can hardly believe it!! I hope its all plain sailing for you and that the little scares are over, and that you enjoy the next few months as much as possible.

Maz, thanks for the welcome. When I see what difficult times some of the ladies on here have had, I'm amazed that they're still able to give such support and encouragement to everyone. Its truly heart-warming...

Oranges ... how did you get on with your GP appt? What did he/she think might be causing your pain? Am really hoping its subsided now and was just wind or something! What have IVI said about the disappearance of your AF .. I asked the US nurse what happens if it doesn't come, she said they can give meds to bring it on, so perhaps IVI can too if it doesn't appear?

I have my first scan on Fri am .... not going to be a pleasant experience for the poor nurse .... working 9-5 in office tomorrow, then a night shift 19.30 til 08.00, then straight to scan from there!! Plus hoping to have started AF by then! Ewww ... have bought a stack of wetwipes for feet and f---y though!! 

Lots of love

Sue. xx


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## Maz08 (Dec 11, 2007)

Hi Sue,

You sound as if ur doing about 3 jobs there!! Us woman go through so much eh?! Good luck with the Scan on Friday and I hope all is going to plan for u. Where in the States are u having ur DE?  

Love Maz x


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## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

H just wanted to say that I am 42 next week and cant belive how time has flown.  I started trying for no 2 at the age of 39 and almost 3 years later am still trying.  I have a frozen egg cycle soon and then if it doesnt work am booked into Czec early in Oct for DE.  Never thought I would need to do this ... I didn't even realise until 6 months ago on FF it was an option.  But am hppy that if my eggs aren't of good enough quality that there is another avenue open and genetics are so random does it really matter if a child isn't yours genetically.  

LucyM xx


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Everyone,

J,  thank you for your words of support, your encouragement is very much appreciated.  Its not easy doing this over 40, and especially when it’s not a topic for conversation amongst family and friends,  FF is wonderful and it’s such a relief to be able to share the ups and downs with you all.  Its great news about your PG and I hope everything goes well for you over the next few months too.

Sue,  good luck with your scan tomorrow – you’ll be totally shattered when you get there -  don’t fall asleep on ‘that chair’!!  I’ve got one of those on Monday and a blood test.  IVI have given me my instructions about the AF situation now, so I need to get hold of the meds.  The GP appt went ok, I felt as though I had a list of ailments for her diagnosis. Lower back pain still hanging around and fibroids are in line for an assessment.

Maz, Did you get the other results today?  Hope everything ok with you. 

Hi Lucy, it’s great to hear from you.  I feel like time has flown too, it’s two years since DE was suggested to us and it’s taken us that long to decide to go for it.  Good luck with the frozen egg cycle.

Love from Oranges x


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## LovelyLady (Sep 25, 2006)

Hi again

I've replied to this post before but forgot to ask this:

can anyone who knows how frozen sperm is transported from UK to Spain let me have some info about it? Also can anyone tell me any success stories people have had with frozen sperm and DEs abroad?

I can only ask  .

Yours in hope

LovelyLady


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi everyone

Just a quick update to let you know my scan was fine, and I even managed not to sleep through it (as if you could, its not exactly a miniscule pice of equipment, is it?!) Thin lining as hoped so I had my first estrogen injection yesterday. DP did it for me, I think he was more nervous about it than I was! Next scan on Wed and bloods on Thursday... having panic attacks that my lining won't thicken so munching all sorts of pills and potions to try and help it along, and am just off to bed with a hottie (in the middle of summer!).

Oranges, glad to hear all went well with the GP, and good luck for your scan and bloods tomorrow ... let us know how you get on.

Maz, I probably did make the job situation sound a bit dramatic, not quite 3 jobs but I do have 2 ... but both are part-time, so I'm not any sort of superwoman! (Don't normally do one straight after the other either, it was a bit of bad planning on my part, still it made time fly so I couldn't dwell on that scan coming up!) I'm going to a clinic near LA (called FSAC), flying 11 July so not long to go now!!!! Can't wait....  Will you be having any treatment soon?

LucyM, hello .... I know what you mean, we waited 2 years as well, for various reasons, and now I wish I'd just got straight on with it, feels like this is the last chance saloon for me!

Lovelylady, I'm sorry I can't help, but I'm sure if you post on one of the other boards you should get a response, lots of very knowledgable ladies out there ... or you could try a search.

Off to bed, night night, sweet dreams to you all

Sue. xxx


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi, I am new to this site.  I can't tell you how much better and less alone I feel after reading all your posts.  I have just turned 45 and have been with my new partner for 4 and a half years.  He was my first serious boyfriend when I was 17 and now we are back together! We would love a child together but time is really running out for us.  I have an autistic son from my first marriage and my sister's son is also on the autistic spectrum so there is obviously something in the genes on my side of the family.  I have been thinking about egg donation for a long time now, my partners sperm count was tested and wasn't great but the consultant at the Peninsula Centre in Exeter told me that because of ICIS that shouldn't be a problem.  I broached the subject of egg donation with my partner at the weekend and he thought it was a terrible idea because you don't know whose genes you are getting and "it could be anybody".  I am devastated and don't know what to do now, I got in such a state that my doctor had to prescribe me a weeks worth of mild sedatives.  Please can you give me some advice, I feel as if I'm going mad and that all my hope has been taken away.  How can I convince him it's a good idea, I know they do really in depth checks on all the donors, do they match you up so you look similar.  Does anyone know if being 45 will have a negative impact on the results or is it  because its a donor egg it doesn't matter.  I am sorry this is such a rambling message but I haven't been able to ask or talk to anyone about it before, all I want is a child with my partner and I am so tired of having it in my head all the time, I have thought about going to one of the clinics in Spain.  My partner has Mediterranean looks and I have dark colouring (although pale skin).  It has been so helpful to read all your posts x


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Surfer 41

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time - I think most of us on here have been through very dark places one way or another, you are not alone.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 43 and have spent most of my life trying not to get pregnant - my own upbringing was horrid and I felt I would automatically inflict that on a child, which would not be fair. It wasn't until I was about 34 I realised I would not repeat the horrors, but it took until I was 40 to be in a stable relationship where I could consider it. We have not been successful in treatment (3 times it has appeared to take, but failed very early on).

You asked about whether age affected carrying donor eggs - my understanding is that it does not matter _very much_ - there may well be the need for hormonal support, which is quite normal. The only additional tests I would be looking at given my experience above, would have been for blood clotting issues and 'killer' cells - ie. sometimes a pg might not take as blood clotting affects blood flow to womb; the killer cells as I understand it recognise an embryo as a foreign object and attack it. From what I've read, these are not common, but more common in the sub-set of older women with fertility problems. You wouldn't automatically be tested for these.

Like you I would be happy to continue with donor eggs (or donor embryos - a lot cheaper), but my husband does not feel at all the same, and we have come to the end of our journey to have a child. As far as I am concerned a child is who you raise, not whether or not it carries your genes. I would actually have rather adopted, give a home to a child that needs one, rather than creating a new life, but again DH doesn't feel the same.

You mention the checking on the donor eggs. I understand that they are donated voluntarily, but most are donated for payment, rather than altruistic purposes. I would feel OK about taking such donated eggs, but only just, my DH pointed out (quite rightly I think) that really people donate because there is money involved - not mad amounts of money, but enough to justify putting themselves through the process. A lot of the eggs donated come from students or young mothers. When I was a student, I was prepared to subject myself to all sorts of things (dental experiments, new drugs) for just a bit of extra money - you know there might be long-term implications, but you take the view "I'm young, it won't happen to me" which I don't think is really as enlightened as we would like to imagine the donors really are. I think that's why I was more drawn to using donor embryos, not just that they were cheaper but that they are also genuinely 'spare', no-one has jeopardised themselves on your account for money.

I would probably have gone to IM in Barcelona, which a lot of ladies here use, although if you look at the threads of treatment abroad there are a lot of other well-recommended clinics too. You needn't be concerned about your looks/colouring, countries nowadays have such a mix of different nationalities they can always find a match (remember there are so many British people living in Spain, many of whom went out in the 70s and now their children are adults living there).

What a long e-mail! I just wanted to give you some info, to know lots of people are doing it, but also lots of us have partners who are not happy to do so - I realise my marriage is more important than trying to force my DH into more treatment. He was not sure in the first place, but was prepared to go through what has been 4 treatment cycles, a natural pg, and 2 miscarriages for me (not to mention £16k).

It is cheaper abroad, you will feel more normal about it reading other people's postings - but in a number of cases it has taken a couple of years of discussion for both parties to feel committed to doing it.

Very best of luck
Love Maggie xxx


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## judelarry (Jan 6, 2008)

Hello Surfer,
We are all here to support you .Firstly you say that the Consultant in Exeter is suggesting Icsi but it sounds you have concerns ,naturally.The clinics offering ED abroad also look into assessing whether they can help with Ivf .Why not e mail IM for example with your history,concerns ,worries and you could go for a consultation with you DH to discuss ALL options.Your Dh will hear directly from the experts in the field and be fully informed of how he can successfully become a parent.Im afraid as a couple this is not a one way street and BOTH PARTIES need to be fully informed to make a decision.Adoption is another option to become parents.
Doners have to go through a lot of screening/psychological/physical  tests etc .Then they have to go through treatment process and Thank God for them.I wish them every happiness in the World for giving many of us the chance to become parents....and to love a child UNCONDITIONALLY.
If going abroad for consultation is too much go back to your consultant with your DH.Talking to others is the best way forward in the meantime and we are all here .Also  Counselling  would be great and very empowering for you....sending


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## barbaramary (Jan 30, 2006)

hi Surfer - I don't usually post on this thread but just thought you might be interested in this to use when you discuss with your husband. There has been a lot of research on the womb environment and how it affects any baby growing inside you. Basically if the same embryo was put into 2 different women a different baby would be born. Even down to colour of hair etc as your genes affect the babies development. Here's a link to this that has been discussed on this site. http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=79093.0 Also just to reassure you the clinics do test the donors for a lot of genetic diseases and also for HIV/Hepatitis etc. Good luck


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, I can't tell you how much it helps x I will talk to my partner again about it all, armed with more information! Every thing I read says that you have a 50% success rate with donor eggs but I really don't get that impression when I read all your posts, it seems like you have so many setbacks and heartache, are those statistics accurate? It is really interesting about the gene thing in the womb thank you for telling me about that.  Can anyone tell me how much you know about your donor, do you know their educational background, age etc.  I can't believe I have had to have sedatives to deal with my partner saying no to donor eggs - although they have definitely calmed me down!  He really hadn't read up on it all though and I am hoping with more information he will come round to the idea, it sounds like he is not alone in his views - maybe he needs time to adjust to the idea.  He said he wanted a baby with me and this would feel like he was having a baby with someone else.  He also has two daughters from a previous marriage and I don't think he thinks they will be at all happy about it.  I have read that you have to go through extensive counselling before you can go for donor eggs, is that true if you are going over to Spain for it.  It would be easier for us to go to the clinic in Alicante,  do they have good results as well as the Barcelona one? Sorry for all these questions but you would not believe what a relief it is to be able to ask and talk about it. Thank you so much for all your support and taking the time to answer, good luck with all your own journeys.  I also really admire people who can say enough's enough and move on, it takes a lot of courage to get to that point and so hard to admit that you have to move on.


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Surfer,

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation and I can understand how devastated you must feel about your DP’s reaction to DE.  Maybe that was just an initial reaction to DE and maybe he’ll change his mind when he knows more about it and sees how you feel about it.  I really really hope everything will work out well for you both.  

Love

Oranges xxx


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## mortimer (Nov 18, 2007)

Hello, this is my first post.  I'm 43, have had one failed IVF with my own eggs, one miscarriage (fluke natural conception) and one failed attempt with donor eggs.  My 2nd attempt with donor eggs is scheduled next week (Thursday 10 July) at IVI Valencia.  

I'm trying to be calm and to stay positive, but I find it difficult.  The thought of another negative test is horrible.  

Is anyone else in a similar position?

M


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi  Oranges x Thanks for your reply. I am hoping he will come round to the idea - I did sort of spring it on him! We had a party at the weekend and I was dreading it as one of the couples has a 7month baby but actually I was fine and could hold the baby etc and not feel too emotional about everything. I really feel this is my last chance and if this doesn't work out then I will have to move on and just know it wasn't meant to be, I don't want to have regrets that I didn't try.  People that it just happens easily for have no idea of the pain and heartache that people like us go through have they. Thank you for your support, thank goodness I found this website x


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## nikkis (May 29, 2006)

if you go onto the IM cycle buddies you will see that all of us are having to have donor eggs and some of us donor sperm too
I think its the men who find it hardest to adjust to but they all do seem to in the end..after all if thats the only option
have to say tho that I dont quite know where the 50% success rate comes from...I see little evidence of that
Nikki


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## Grumpyduck (Nov 30, 2007)

LovelyLady said:


> can anyone who knows how frozen sperm is transported from UK to Spain let me have some info about it? Also can anyone tell me any success stories people have had with frozen sperm and DEs abroad?
> 
> LovelyLady


The IVI clinic in Valencia arranged a courier for my frozen boys from UK to Spain, you will have to sign a release form saying that they will not be used for anything abroad that is illegal in the UK (like anonymous donor)(My advice? Lie like I did!)

Oh and me and Mrs GD are a success story titch is due in 24 days..!


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi everyone

Just wanted to check in with my bizarre news of a natural pg in the month following our failed and final ever treatment.  Of course given my history we are fully expecting it to go the way of the others, but you just never know!

Love Maggie xxx


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## barbaramary (Jan 30, 2006)

Maggie - I remember you from IM cycle buddies - wondered where you'd gone - congratulations and I'll keep everything crossed for you.


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Maggie  

Just wanted 2 say congratulations on ur fabulous natural pg. What a lovely surprise for you both. Hope everything is going well. Keep in touch.

Love

Oranges xxx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Thanks Lexxy, Barabara-Mary & Oranges

I have to say, I hadn't expected to be posting again!

I am of course very hesitant about the whole pg thing at the moment, and of course you will understand why.  I did have a bleed at 5 weeks 1 day & thought it was all over, but apparently it's not yet.  I will get a 6.5 week scan next Wednesday which will give us more info on where we are.  Very early days yet.

Love Maggie xxx


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi ladies,

I am new to this website and I am just so overwhelmed by your stories and support for one another.

I am 41 years of aged been married for 9 years, trying for 8, been together for 15 years. I have now come to the decision to go for donor eggs aboard. After 3 cycles of using Clomid, 2 failed IUI and 2 failed IVF treatment. 
My husband and I have now decided to go aboard, South Africa because I am half Black/European and is looking for a suitable match unfortunately in the UK there appear to be a massive shortage.

If the over 40's can give any advice on where I can go outside the UK please let me know.

Many thanks
Lynn E


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Lynn

I had been looking at donor eggs earlier in the year (but DH wasn't up for it, so that was the end of that).  I was on a thread for people having treatment at IM Barcelona - there are a couple of clinics there that are popular - but it also included postings from people being treated in other countries.

I know people going to Barcelona who thought they would never have a match for them, but they did, no trouble.  The world's population moves around so much that all sorts of different gene pools exist in places they probably didn't 50 years ago.  So you don't necessarily have to go to a country where you think the population looks like you. 

Have a look on the IM Barcelona thread anyway, some of the people there have loads of knowledge and be able to pass on more info.

Best of luck with that treatment!
Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Maggie ... that's such a fantastic thing to happen! Am so excited for you and will be keeping everything crossed! Please let us now how you're doing....

Hi Lynn ... as Maggie said, it may be easier to get a good match in Europe (Spain in particular) than you would think. I'm sure, Spain being so close to North Africa, there should be donors of similar colouring/characteristics to you. There are also clinics further south than Barcelona, such as Alicante and Seville ... it may be worth contacting them to see what they say. Wishing you lots of luck with it.

Oranges, have tried to pm you but your inbox is full! Let me know when you've had a chance to empty it and I'll write.

I haven't updated for quite some time ... just don't manage to find time as often as I'd like. Anyway, I had ET 17 July at FSAC in LA, had 2 blasts transferred, and have 7 frozen! We couldn't believe our luck and how well our donor responded .... although my DP likes to think it was his quality swimmers that really did the trick! Beta HCG level back at 98 (low but positive), then 255 3 days later. Await my scan on Wed eve with bated breath! But have felt so normal throughout this that I am expecting things to take a turn for the worse at any time.    Still, its exciting and I'm so grateful to have made it this far.

Best wishes to everyone

Love Sue. xx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Sue

Congratulations on your BFP - you must be over the moon, but I do understand your caution - those hcg levels were driving me mad last week - the midwife said I needed a rise of x, which I didn't get even close to, but the doctor at the same clinic said that rise was fine - it's all to do with once you get over the 6000 hcg mark they go a bit different - but still, it gives cause for concern if it doesn't do what you think it should.  The waiting is driving me barmy.  Like you, I find it hard to believe it can go smoothly for me, but all you can do is wait and see.

Are you a patient girl?!!  One of the women who is 18 weeks now assures me it doesn't get any better as you go along - prepare for the long haul!  Good luck with the scan, and well done missus!

Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Thanks Maggie.

I am fairly patient, I think, but I know already that I am not going to be able to accept that it might go full-term until I'm over 20 weeks, at least! I have read too many experiences of m/c even after the first 12 weeks is up. I'm not going to be doing any more HCGs though ... as you say, once over 6000 (or 6 weeks too, I think), I have read that they are not really accurate predictors as the levels can vary and range so much. So I shall be relying on my scan tomorrow and the next one after that, if tomorrows is ok (would that be at 12 weeks?).

How are you doing? Are you about the same number of weeks as me? Do you have your scan arranged yet? Hoping really hard that this little one stays with you.     

Love Sue. xxx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Sue

I was trying to work out how many weeks you are - we must be very close.  My dates using LMP are 6 weeks and 2 days today, I think possibly given LH surge conception might have been a day early so I could be an extra day ahead - it doesn't figure much anyway does it, babies never arrive on time!

So tomorrow is 6.5 weeks scan, it's the first where they would expect 99% of the time to see a heartbeat (they can see one at 6 weeks sometimes but not always, so they always try and push a first scan towards 7 weeks to avoid scaring anyone!).  We had originally booked a private 6.5 week scan, but  because I had a bleed last week I was at the EPU and they wanted to scan me tomorrow.  If tomorrow is bad, I will cancel the private one; if by any chance tomorrow is good I will shift the private one to end of next week for some reassurance.  (It's £99 here).

I have to say symptoms have dropped right off, I know they can do that but hard to believe and have hope, isn't it?  And I know there are so many people wishing me well - if wishing got me a baby, then I (and several thousand other people) would have loads of them by now!

Thinking of you tomorrow and sending you lots of good baby vibes!
Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi Maggie

What a coincidence!... I'm 6 weeks 3 days today, so my scan is 6.5 week scan for me too! If you are an extra day ahead, we are at exactly the same point!! Let's hope that's a good sign for us both!

I haven't had any symptoms at all which has worried me all along, apart from mild AF type cramps. But nothing else ... I'm not complaining, mind you .... but it would just be a little reassurance.  

I will be thinking of you tomorrow too and sending lots of     thoughts, and saying a little   for us both.

Love Sue. xxx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Sue

Just to report, for the first time EVER, we have had a good 6.5 weeks scan!  The baby's heartbeat is there, everything's in the right place and measurements are consistent - even a couple of days ahead of dates.

It seems an awfully long way to go yet, but it's a good start.  Fingers crossed for you tonight!

Love Maggie xxx


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Maggie,

Just wanted to say it's fabulous news about your scan.  What a wonderful feeling to see the baby's heartbeat.        You must be sooooooooo happy.

Good luck Sue for your scan this evening.      

I'm still just plodding along on the Marvelon!  (hurry up! hurry up! hurry up!)

love from Oranges xxx


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## Camberwell Nell (Mar 16, 2007)

This looks like quite an old link but only checking out boards today after absence of about 6 years ! So Aged 40 am now 15 weeks pregnant with donor eggs from IM after 10 years and 10 ivf attempts baby due Feb 09. any buddies for me out there ?


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Camberwell Nell!

We are definitely here and current - I only dream of being as far along as you are!  So you definitely have some nice OLD buddies here!

How's your pregnany going?

Love Maggie xxx


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## Camberwell Nell (Mar 16, 2007)

hello Maggie, 

so nice to meet you x congratulations. I read a couple of your posts and so you are just a few weeks behind me I think ? Great news. I've been posting all over the place trying to scoop up a few buddies. Glad your scan went well. I am really well and had my nuchal scan, about 10 days ago, quite late as wanted dh to be there and it was amazing. I was pretty nervous in early pregnancy as my first and only other pregnancy 6 years ago was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage on an early scan which was of course devastating. I only read a couple of your posts but I think you may have had a similar past experience ? Anyhow I had a couple of early scans this time which were fine but they still worried me by saying that the yolk sac was small and the length was small and all sorts of stuff, and I just wanted to hibernate for that first trimester, even though I didnt feel ill, just a bit tired. but now I have come out into the sunshine ! 15 weeks today, and once I got to that nuchal scan and all was fine, I really started to enjoy it ! Still feeling well, never was really sick, just the odd bout of slight nausea, and some tiredness, but you know I'm 40 so .....tiredness shmiredness, no change there. he he, nice big boobs, not really a bump yet, I always have a little bit of a roundy tummy and can still wear same clothes, though tending towards the comfier ones. how are you feeling ?

nell x


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Nell

I am nearly 7 weeks (depending on dating scans!) so a fair bit behind you - I am also now focussed on the nuchal scan combined wtih blood tests which we will aim once I've turned 11 weeks - we go on hols the weeks after so would be hoping for (a) reassurance and (b) drop in on parents on way back to give them the news.  My BF had her baby the week before I discovered I was pg - they had been trying for 9 years, and was their 2nd proper IVF treatement.  She is now of course so excited but they also know how cautious we are, as you say, because of past experience.

I am overweight by about 1/2 stone, (so the kind where nobody really thinks you are!) but when I used to go swimming with pg BF every week she could borrow swimming pool floats for free being pg - well I would just let my tummy hang out and they let me borrow them as well!!  I would say my body could just pass for pg on a normal day! My (.)(.) are on the large side at the best of times, I have been 'dressing them down' for years, and they are the bane of my life in the sense bras have always been problematic, discomfort even with well-fitted bras, and last month when we had finished our final ever treatment cycle which had failed, one of the things I had in mind was that I could maybe get them reduced as they wouldn't be needed for breast-feeding. Ha Ha, look what happened!

I had some slight nausea last Friday to Monday, but it disappeared Tuesday and isn't back yet (of course I thought the worst, but the scan was fine).  So it's very reassuring to see you haven't had too much of that either - I think I read somewhere that maybe 1/3 of women don't really get it, but sometimes you think it would be reassuring.  BF was sick from 7 to 27 weeks - she was so dehydrated she had a fit on New Year's Eve and ended up in hospital for 5 days (she said being on a drip after being so dehydrated was the most wonderful thing ever!).  But of course she can't drive because of the fit for a while.

I am extra tired - I am usually a night person and rubbish in the morning - well DH is so amused at me falling asleep at 10pm.  I woke early today, and read for an hour but managed to go back to sleep for 2 more!

We won't be telling people until we're past nuchal scan - one sister and niece stayed last week, and I had to tell them as I was making so many excuses to get out of doing fun things, I knew my sister might guess and get excited (or think I was a miserable git for not joining in!) so we put her straight, but she is sworn to secrecy.  Now it's just a waiting game, which is hard but nothing for it.

Where else are you posting?  There are so many sites on FF I never know where I am.  

Off for a restful day of watching Olympics mostly, but out walking with our walking group tonight - we are a pretty fit group, I may have to make excuses if they are bombing along!

Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi Maggie - wow! Fantastic news on the scan!! You must be ecstatic and so relieved, although I'm sure you'll be nervous yet for a while. It really must have been amazing to see that heartbeat after what you've been through before ... I really am happy for you.     

Welcome Nell,   and congratulations on your pregnancy! You must be so excited especially after so many years of trying. Wishing you a continued healthy and happy pregnancy!!

Oranges - have pm'd you.  

As for my scan, it was no scan unfortunately. I won't bore you with the details, but all of my scans have been done unofficially by my very kind and generous UK clinic nurse, and I guess she forgot this one. I should have called to remind her but didn't think of it.  And now, she's on annual leave til beginning September!!   So very disappointing .... 

I have been trying to get a private one, but so far, haven't been able to find anywhere that can fit me in before September 8th!! I mean how many private paying pregnant women can there be out there?? There are a couple more places I shall try tomorrow, failing that, I will either have to 'pop' down to London (and come back straight away ... I live in the West Midlands!) after work one eve where there is a clinic who can fit me in next week or wait til my lovely nurse gets back. Also can't get an appointment with my GP for 2 weeks.  

Apart from that fiasco, I'm fine, so can't complain although I would love to have that reassurance of seeing a little heartbeat sooner rather than later. Haven't been able to sleep yet tonight, and feel slightly nauseous for the first time. What's that all about? ... midnight sickness? Envy your sleeping at 10pm, Maggie. While on the topic of symptoms, your poor friend must have really suffered ... I guess we are in the lucky third if we don't get any real sickness, although I'm not sure if its still too early? What does everyone here think? By the way, I know only too well the trials and tribulations of finding well-fitting bras for the bigger breasted woman! Bravissimo is the only place I shop in now!  

Well, better try and get some kip I suppose. DP will be up at 7 in the morn and once I'm awake, that's it for me usually. And I've got more administrative work to do at home at the moment than I have at work!  

Night night ...  

Love Sue. xx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Oh Sue

That's a shame about the scan mix-up -you must have been so ready for it.  I do hope one of the other places can see you instead -  let us know what happens.  In the meantime, all those pesky symptoms are so different from one person to another - some people can't bear the smell of burnt toast before they even know they're pg, others seem a bit nauseous at 5 weeks, others at 6 or 7, others not at all.  So don't be alarmed if you're not.

I too use Bravissimo but by mail order as there's been no shops in the SW, but they opened one in Cardiff fairly recently and I will definitely be going on a trip!  But honestly breasts are such a pain - I have permanent dips in each shoulder from decades of bra straps struggling with the weight.  My DH is an engineer, I keep asking him if he couldn't design me something better - he says he doesn't mind doing the research (typical!!) but is not so good on textiles!    

Wishing everyone a nice calm weekend!

Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hello!

Phew ... have finally managed to get a scan arranged for 5pm this evening! So I'm happy now .... 
...although rather tired! I was still awake at 4am, almost got up to read/post again (it does become a bit of an obsession, do you find that too?) but decided against it.

I have made a mental note to myself not to drink Costa coffee at 7.30 pm again (I realise I shouldn't be having caffeine anyway but forgot that one time) unless I DO want to stay up all night! Good job I'm not working today.  

Wishing you all well, and   for no more rain!!

Sue. xxx


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## judelarry (Jan 6, 2008)

Hi Nell and gals,
Id love a buddy too and Im 15 weeks and on monday Ill be 16 weeks.had a few scares and as this is first time you wonder whats normal etc and then you dont want to complain about anything because you are so happy.so keep in touch and any advise ill grab with both hands
Bye for now


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Jude

How lovely to see another older lady, sometimes it is weird posting with lots of 27 year-olds!

Congratulations on your longed-for pg; I am still at the not-daring-to-hope stage yet know I have to take it easier, avoid caffeine & alcohol, find out about tests needed etc, so I can't ignore it altogether which is really what I would like to do - or just be put under sedation for a few months until we see how it's going.

Like you say, it seems churlish to complain when we are lucky enough to be here - it would seem so different if I was younger and knew there were other future possibilities.  I was keen for DE after pg failed for us in Feb, but DH won't go there - I don't know how on earth I was lucky enough to get a 2nd natural pg, the previous month we had used our only frozen embie and it had failed, so we had come to the end of the road.    So I suppose I am still in quite a bit of shock.

Hard not to worry, but wonderful we can share it and find we're not the only ones going though it.  Fingers crossed for all of us.

Sue - good luck for tonight's scan - you must let us know how you get on!

Love Maggie xxx


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## Camberwell Nell (Mar 16, 2007)

hi again, 

Maggie it was so nice to read your post ! really made me smile and lovely to share. Hilarious with the floats at the swimming pool. yes I'm similar, only about half a stone over weight but all in my tummy really, before I was pregnant I had a few people at work ask me if I was pregnant ! Always at completely the wrong time of course like just after a failed cycle . but noone I havent told has spotted anything or asked yet ! Maybe they're just all being polite. Just last night I thought mmmmm maybe a little tiny bit of  bump, thats at 15w 2d and according to scales didnt gain any weight...going without red wine and lattes must have counterbalanced growing baby ! 
The whole not being sick thing did my head in. lots and lots of people told me they didnt get sick but it just takes one to mention poor outcome and that sends you off on a worry spiral. My mum never got sick in either of her pregnancies either. All that happens to me is I get slight nausea if I' m hungry then eat, then I'm fine. Had one terrible terrible day of illness at about 11 weeks and realised afterwards it was food poisoning as both ends affected, and better after 24 hours and had eaten a seafood platter the day before . yes, I'm usuallly a night owl too, and last night was waiting up for dh till midnight coming home on late flight, and I was like a washed out rag lying on the sofa waiting to greet him. 

wow I only just realised you got pg naturally what a wonderful surprise ! This was our LAST ATTEMPT. and it did feel like capital letters so thank goodness for miracles xxx 

we told some people early on because we had to tell people about treatment as I had to take time off to travel etc. bet you cant wait to tell your parents. so so special for them, sounds like a lovely plan, scan, parents, holiday. We are going away in two weeks for a week to Portugal cant wait.

Sue, so lovely to meet you as well. I hear you with the bra thing walked length of oxford street feeling like a freak could not find single bra to fit. they are changing so quickly though that I am reluctant to spend bravissimo prices if it only fits me for a couple of weeks. have gone up about two cup sizes already !
The coffee thing made me smile. I love my coffee and was worried about rationing myself in pg but its the only thing I've gone off, tastes funny like metal, even decaff ! I really miss it, and still try it regularly but rarely finish cup but keep buying it cos I reallly want it ! good news about your scan. how many weeks are you ?

so nice to meet you both. 

Nell x


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## Camberwell Nell (Mar 16, 2007)

Only just saw Jude's message. hello and hurray you are just two days ahead of me. congratulations xxx are you due feb 2nd ? what's your news and how are you feeling ? 

nell


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hello there!

I would just like to wish good luck to you ladies on here with your fabulous pg's.  At the moment, I can only   that it will happen for me too.  I've had a setback or two but hopefully things are moving on more quickly now.  I'm now 48  , so time is of the essence!!

Sue, that's great you managed to get your scan organised for this evening.  Looking forward to hearing your news.

I'm also finding i'm spending increasing amounts of time on FF and i'm getting later and later to my bed each night.  It really is addictive.  I wish i'd found this website a couple of years ago, it would have helped me get onto my DE journey a bit earlier.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Love from Oranges xxx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Oranges

Welcome to the Golden Oldies!  Do you have a date for your treatment?  When we had our 'final' treatment in June and it failed, we had come to the end of the road for treatment, getting on with the rest of our lives, etc; but I did hold in the back of my mind that you never know what I might do in 5 years' time.  Well there you are, and all power to you.  Even the younger people with fertility problems don't know if there going to be successful, so it's a real step into the unknown embarking on treatment.  Being prepared for the worst while hoping for the best plays all sorts of tricks on your mind.  I've had an eventful journey, but there are people on here who've been through so much worse and come up smiling, it seems tenacity is really key.  Very best of luck with your treatment.

I went to the EPU at 5 weeks; the woman in front of me gave her date of birth as November 1988; I was thinking, you can't possibly have been born in 1988 and be pregnant, I was 23 then - but it was true!!  My BF had a baby last month after 10 years trying, and in their ante-natal class was the son of one of her DH's schoolfriends.  The DH had worried about being an older Dad, but now he couldn't care less!

Love Maggie xxx


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi all ... lovely sunny morning again here in the West Mids (not)!  

Jude, congrats on your pregnancy!! ... seems fairly common for ladies carrying twins to have a few scares unfortunately. Hopefully now you're at 15 weeks there will be no more and you can enjoy your pregnancy in peace. Twins!! How exciting!!    

Oranges, as you know, I'm 47, but will be 48 next month too,   so don't feel alone!! But, I agree, time is definitely of the essence!

Maggie, I still think your story is such a wonderful one and gives hope to so many ladies going through all this stuff! I'm not looking forward to antenatal classes at all, if we get that far, of course, as I'm bound to be old enough to be the mother (and possibly grandmother!) of most of the youngsters there.

Nell, can't believe people asked you if you were pregnant when you weren't ... how rude!! Even when someone is very definitely 7 months pregnant, I'm too scared to ask that question, just in case it might not be what it looks like! I'm still fairly symptomless, although I think I imagine I have occasional nausea   ... but I am definitely NOT looking forward to having bigger boobs! DP might like it I suppose!  

Finally got my scan done yesterday ... one yolk sac and heartbeat seen!! What a relief! The sonographer thought she saw a fibroid too though but said it wasn't clear. Nobody has ever seen one before but it is possible that all the drugs have caused one to raise its ugly little head, I suppose? Should I be worried? I have emailed my consultant to let him know the results of the scan anyway, and will await his advice. Still feeling very cautious, and its still very early days I know so trying not to get too excited or carried away yet. But so far, so good.

Lots of love to you all

Sue. xxx


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi Sue

I'm so pleased to see your scan was good, I was looking out for your post and wondering.  Did they 'date' you?  I think we are within a couple of days of each other, althugh I won't get officially 'dated' until Thursday.

Isn't it wonderful to see that little heartbeat?  What an awesome responsibility!

I felt so rough last night I thought something was going wrong; but here I am again this morning, just the same!  Having told DH so much about different people's symptoms, coming and going, and sometimes entirely lacking them, he's started saying "We don't take any notice of symptoms, do we?", and "We laugh in the face of symptoms!" - trying to get me to stop worrying about it all the time.      

We are just the same as you, delighted but cautious as it so early yet.  Still wonderful to see your news!

Love Maggie xxx


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## Camberwell Nell (Mar 16, 2007)

Hi there, 

great news on your scan Sue ! hurray and enjoy it, seeing a heartbeat is a great sign in itself. and dont worry about the fibroid, it wont affect your little one. 

maggie, your dh sounds lovely. I am having some work stress today and said to dh I'm feeling a bit tearful..and he said mmmmm I wonder why that is ? with a big smile. cheered me up no end. 

Oranges good luck !!! when does your cycle start ?


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