# Baby on board badges



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

I'm feeling really low at the moment and can't seem to shake off recent IVF failure. It seems everywhere I go I see pregnant women and 'baby on board' badges (on London transport network) - can't escape the constant reminders and it's making me feel so resentful and angry  :'.... Any tips on how to cope with all this would be gratefully received. I feel like my list of 'friends' is getting smaller (because as soon as they announce they are pregnant I distance myself) and I'm scared I'm going to grow old bitter and unfulfilled... I know there are options still available to me, but it's the here and now I'm struggling with (there is nowhere to hide!)  . Probably need some therapy to talk this through, but am saving for next round of IVF (DE) so paying for therapy isn't an option really and I don't want to approach my GP. Sorry for the negative rant. I'll come through this eventually. There's a couple of other things going on too which isn't helping. One can only deal with so much (unless superhuman).


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Gaia
Sorry you are having a tough time try this link: it is written by a psychologist who has experienced infertility herself. I found many of her articles helpful.
TC x
http://theinfertilitytherapist.blogspot.com/2012/10/fertility-envy-infertility-and.html

/links


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

PS had you thought of a Tandem Cycle abroad?


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

gaia, I must admit, I use the tube a lot and I wince whenever I see them because, although I have been lucky to have had successful tx (after many attempts and years of trying) I will never forget the way people "parading" their fertility made me feel. Baby on board car stickers was another one that irked me (and still does a bit!) 
But I do also understand that they're a bit of a necessity because people have lost the art of manners and won't offer a seat unless it's glaring at them. I've seen them let a blind lady with a guide dog stand because nobody would give up a seat.  Although I wasn't tubing it in those days when I was pregnant with my DS, I know that even now as a reasonably healthy person I find it hard enough work standing on a jerking packed out  tube train so just imagining doing it while contending with various pregnancy ailments I see the need to make it obvious that a pregnant lady might need a little more consideration. 

I also look at it philosophically; who knows how those ladies got pregnant? You could very well be looking at fellow IVFers, some of whom might have been through years of heartache and treatments and, frankly, I think they've sort of earned their stripes so to speak, and deserve a little bit of boasting. Hard though it is now, one day that will be you standing proud with your badge on, and you will have every right to make the biggest fuss you want of your own pregnancy when the time comes. 

C~x


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Gaia, I know just what you mean about those smug fertile "look at me" badges & other unnecessary displays of fecundicity. I found those distasteful even before I had problems!

I hope your time comes soon  . 

B xxx


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## mrs_ss30 (Dec 4, 2012)

Gaia, firstly, let me say that I'm really sorry that your struggling and that your recent IVF didn't realise your pregnancy dream.  I saw the title of your post and chuckled as only on Saturday was I driving along and saw the car in front had said badge in their back window.  I turned to my husband and said 'I hate those bloody badges, they are just smug ways of announcing to the world that they are fertile and have a baby, well done you.  They don't make me drive any better, they just make me want to smack you in the face!'  

It seems to me like the world and her sister are pregnant at the moment and it's so hard!  Someone on here has a signature with a quote by Winston Churchill saying 'if you're going through hell, keep going' and it's something I really hold onto (sorry I can't remember whose that signature is but thanks for it as it certainly keeps me sane!).  As much as it hurts now, it will get better.  I've had days where I have been so distressed and low, sobbing my heart out, but each time it has passed.  Feels absolutely sh** at the time mind but somehow you get through it.  And while your friend group may be dwindling now, it won't always be that way - I'm slowly but surely reaching out to a few of mine that I cut off because they were pregnant.  Thankfully, the ones who really care about you won't hold it against you.  If nothing else, you always have us on here to chat and rant to so you're never alone.  Massive hugs to you xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi didn't want to read and run but I couldn't of written that post any better sounded just like me. I was at a point where alot of little things were getting to me and no one could see it I felt so lonley so tired and like you said no where to hide. Weather it was babies, pregnant ladies, buggies, baby adverts/boards, car stickers etc. I'd wait for my partner to go work and sit and cry. I couldn't phone no one cause I felt no one would understand. No one ever actually said to me "how are you really doing" no hugs nothing. Famiky members pregnant was so hard and still are but seems like once someone's pregnant all of your problems are completely forgotton. I even have a relative who was born the day my baby should of been due but I actually feel ok around him   I sat on my bed one night and thought that's it I've had enough! I went to my gp (I really didn't want to go but I couldn't go on like this) and she asked all the questions I wanted family to ask, she spoke to me so sensitive I completely broke down and do you know what it felt good! I was out through to see a councillor and I'm now on my 6th session and feel so much better. I've managed to get out all my hurt, upset and picked up coping strategies. I'm not going to lie things still hurt but I'm better at coping with them now, months ago I thought I'd never feel like my old self again. I still have a way to go. I've been told that where infertility etc is you need to sometimes be somewhat selfish and put yourself first to protect your feelings and I've found that to help. It's so easy for things to get on top of you no matter what you go through. Good luck with everything and your not alone hope you feel better soon x


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## Lovelypup (Oct 7, 2013)

Yes I think those stickers are smug too! Funny. We should ask them if they want a chufty badge too x


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## LadyPatience (Feb 6, 2014)

LOL! I'm so glad someone else thinks these badges are smug. I nearly vomited when I heard my sister in law used to pin hers on piously every morning before her commute.


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

Even before we were TTC I always hated those stickers...I just thought yeah so what, why are you telling me!!  Funnily enough I always try to avoid hitting other cars when I'm driving, so you don't need to put up a stupid badge to try and make me be extra careful!!! I have always vowed I will never have one if I do have a baby one day!! (We'll see hey!?)


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Gaia,

I just wanted to say that if you are feeling that low - it is REALLY important to get your head together - for you, and for the DEIVF to work! I went through 2.5 years of fertility treatment while depressed and with a diagnosis of post traumatic stress (from previous job - lived in war zones. Now just create them with my DH)...... it was so hard, trying to do IVF on an emotional strength empty tank... struggling, trying to feel "good enough" to face another round. Utterly UTTERLY   futile. I really would - with the benefit of my hindsight - gently urge you-  do try and heal a little, get some emotional and psychological strength back. There is NOTHING wrong with your feelings - I'm not saying that.... but you DESERVE some time and therapy and whatever else you feel you need to feel a little stronger. For you - as well as for the treatment. 

Oh dear - I have one of those   car badge things "baby on board" (even though she is 4) on my car. WHAT an inconsiderate idiot of me. Apols. I will remove it ASAP!!!!

R xxx


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## susie76 (Jan 19, 2011)

Even though I've been one of the lucky ones I'll still never forget my hatred of those 'smug' badges.  I commuted every day up to 39 weeks and I have to admit succumbing to one by the end, once you are wearing a coat it's not always obvious and even through I didn't physically need to sit, you certainly don't want to be squashed in a crowd near the tube doors or worry about someone falling into you with a sudden stop.  I suppose as someone else pointed out, sometimes behind those badges there is still a less than straightforward story so I learnt to accept that they are not all just for smugness. Xxx


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