# Considering surrogacy after loosing 7 babies :-(



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

I've considered surrogacy before for and researched it for over a year, we'd even been on social events meeting surrogates and IP's etc with DH twice, but then I heard of the Intralipid treatment which I hadn't tried, so we recently had another go and I got a BFP in Dec, sadly I was admitted to hospital Friday 17th Dec with it being a suspected ectopic as I was in so much pain, the pain turned out to most probably be slight ohss I was put on a drip and monitored, it was my birthday on the 18th and I was in hospital,   , a scan showed something but they couldn't see for sure if it was a swelling near or on my ovary or something in my tube? they said I had to stay in until Monday 20th due as there weekend scanning eqipment is not great, and that I had to wait until the specialists equipment could be used Monday...shocking but I couldn't go as I was told over and over ectopic's are dangerous, and the snow was bad so we could of got stuck, which was true? It was then confirmed Monday...DH's birthday    that it was ectopic, we could see a perfectly good size sac and yolk....our baby, but in the wrong place?    I was taken off and had to have key hole surgery also loosing my right tube and also lots of adhesions from my left, leaving it still in bad condition.   I'm just devestated DH too, and finding it really hard to think I may never carry but I just turned 37 and I'm worried I'll run out of time? I really want to try surrogacy but I am nervous too, obviouse reason is that they wont hand over the baby? but it seems to be so popular now with so many wonderful surrogates willing to do this.
I'm not sure of the best way to find a surrogate so any advice from surrogates or IP's would be appreciated.

My history, ivf for about 8+ years, positive goes ending in 4 miscarriages, and one ectopic, two pregnancies were twins so sadly we've lost 7 babies, I just cant loose any more.    I've never fallen naturally and have been told since the ectopic the chances are I never will?   

Poppins x


----------



## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi there

Im so so sorry about your losses - its so hard isnt it? And such a difficult time of year too, that is just so sad   .

As you can see from my profile Im no stranger to losing babies either and we also tried every treament available - so my heart really goes out to you and finding the energy to keep going is really tough.  But you can also see that we now have a little girl born via a fantastic surrogate six months ago. So it is totally possible although it can feel overwhelming to start. But starting is the hardest part. For me it was a low AMH reading that made me realise that I didnt have any time left to try again myself, for you sadly the ectopic. And you have already looked into it once so you know it can happen. And it can happen quickly.

From losing our last baby I had found our wonderful surrogate and she was pregnant six months later - very fast I know but we really had no time left to hang around. We joined COTS and ****************** but in the end I found our surro myself. You do need to really devote time to finding a surrogate and throw yourself into getting to know people. There are some wonderful women out there - obviously you need to be careful but you might surprise yourself. I did meet a couple of 'odd' people out there but funnily enough they were other women in my position - I never met a surrogate that I worried about. Of course you worry about them not handing the baby over but I worried a lot more about the pregnancy and the birth! And all the surrogates I met were much more worried I wouldnt want the baby and would leave it with them! 

Have a chat to all the organisations and get onto all the message boards you can - but above all just take one day at a time, it is hard work and you need a lot of stamina to get through as you need to manage the surrogate and her expectations too, as although they are the experts it is pretty nervewracking for them carrying another persons baby as they sooo want to do it perfectly and give you your baby. 

Please fell free to PM me if you want to and if I can help with advice I am more than happy to help. So sorry for your losses again sending big   

Apricot xx


----------



## nic100 (Oct 29, 2009)

I am sorry to hear what you have gone through
I am a host surro and gave birth to triplets for my IP's they will be 7weeks old tomorrow   

I would just like to add that my biggest worry was that my IP's would change their mind about having the babies, especially as there were 3  
So I think its natural for us all to have worries
My bit of advice would be not to jump in too soon with a surro, if it doesnt seem or feel right it probs isnt, I have heard lots of horror stories but more fantastic ones  

If you have any questions ask away
lots of luck Nic x


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

Apricot, Thank you and I'm so sorry to hear of your loses too, how awful, I'm also thrilled to see you have a baby daughter! and through surrogacy too, I just may PM you if I have any q's, and thank you very much for the offer.

nic, Wow 3 babaies, thats amazing, I'm speachless, you've done a wonderful thing and must be very proud, and you should be. 

It does feel like the right thing to do, by choosing surrogacy I especially fear of loosing a baby further down the line like you did Apricot, thats very sad, my body doesn't seem to be able to manage a pregnancy and even though we lost this one through ectopic my platlettes were still high and showing signs of attacking?

Thanks a again.
Poppins x


----------



## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

so sorry to hear of your losses poppins, surrogacy was the only option for me, and it can and does work, it does require some research though and as apricot says you do need to devote time to joining places, chatting etc etc

there is lots of support and info out there, finding a surrogate is possibly the hardest bit (BTW apricot how on earth did you manage to find a surro yourself so quickly? - well done)

I've been through it myself and am always happy to answer questions etc.


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

Hi, 

Thank you nostaligicsam, its so lovely to see you have twins from Surrogacy, you went through three goes I see, but worth it in the end. It does worry me that its not garanteed to work first time?

  ? I have a question for all to answer......Once we have found a clinic and a Surrogate do we then go through the IVF or do I have to have gone through it already then have the embryo's frozen before finding a Surrogate? 

Poppins x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I'm jut starting out on surrogacy but at the clinics I've approached they want to start from scratch before cycling and try and do a fresh cycle transfer - I have no embryos frozen- Argc, crgh,lwc and create are the clinics I've approached in London and all do surrogacy. I approached the lister but they are not licensed for surrogacy.

Good luck x


----------



## nic100 (Oct 29, 2009)

Poppins- tried to pm you back but your inbox is full x

A good clinic for surrogacy is CARE, they have a few around the country.
A fresh transfer is better but some clinics say sperm has to be frozen for 6 months first- something to look at or consider!!!

Oh and unfortunatly it does not always work on first go, ours was the second try!!!

lots of luck xxx


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

Hi,

JJ1, Thank you, and thats good to know as I'd prefer to do a fresh ivf cycle as needed, I've never had a pregnancy with frozen embryo's, wishing you lots of luck too. Do you know if Fertility & Gynaecology Academy with Dr Amin Gorgy do Surrogacy? I was with them on my last go and found it so much less stressful than at the ARGC although the ARGC are very good! 

Nic, Thank you, and I must sort my inbox!, I'll look at CARE, I thought they were just up in the north region's? 

Poppins x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I don't know about dr G & surrogacy it depends if the clinic has a license his website does say so but worth a call, he might be able to via LFC.
L x


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

JJ1 Thank you, I might call tomorrow, just it was too late to call last night! and been too busy today, otherwise we have our follow up with him on Monday. x


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

SM,
Thats so lovely, it brought tears to my eyes, probably tears of hope as I so hope it happens for us with surrogacy too. Best of luck with the pregnancy.  

Poppins x


----------



## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

Just going back to the fresh vs frozen thing.  

I believe it's still an HFEA requirement that either the sperm or the embryos have been frozen for six months prior to transfer, in order for the Intended Father to be tested for various nasties including HIV, which can "hide" in your system for 6 months.  It makes sense to protect the surrogate from infection, and the clinic for liability - I've always wondered why the IM isn't tested too if she's donating her eggs, but that's another question.

The national statistics for IVF success do show that frozen cycles are less successful than fresh ones, and I don't have a valid study which shows it's any different for surrogacy, but I do know of half a dozen people who have been successful first time with embroys which were created specifically for surrogacy and frozen on day 2 (they're called PNs for some reason).  We were lucky first time twice with PNs and have two sleeping children upstairs to prove it. I think the reason for this is that the national stats for frozen transfers include a majority of transfers using embryos which were "left over" from fresh transfers, and as they always choose the best quality embryos for the fresh transfer, the frozen ones are by definition less likely to succeed.  If you create embies specifically for surrogacy, you don't have this issue, so I believe that "our" success rates would be much higher if there were a big enough sample of people to make for a valid study.  

The other thing to consider is that a frozen transfer is more straightforward than aligning two womens cycles for a fresh one.  That's not to say it's better, but there are less variables to go wrong if you've only got one person going through treatment at a time.  Our strategy was to put some embies in the freezer as back up in case anything went wrong with me during our fresh cycle  and, as it did, we were just so pleased to be able to go ahead, rather than have our surrogate go through half the treatment only to have me fail with my part.  

One final thing in favour of freezing embies in advance is that it stops your biological clock from clanging away in your ears day and night!  Embies that are frozen when you are e.g. 37, stay 37 years old while you go through the process of finding a surrogate.  

Hope this is useful.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Od2 as an IM I do have to be tested for the whole infectious screen, plus cf, and karyotyping which I never needed for or orde cycles before but I can still give the surro fresh eggs/embryos even though the sperm has to be frozen for 6 months


----------



## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

OD2 & JJ1 thank you for your replys, it does help.   
Poppins x


----------

