# Failed first cycle but determined to go on!



## schmooo75 (Mar 17, 2013)

Well what a week it's been! This is mine and DH first round of IVF, he has azoospermia so using donor sperm and I am 37 with low amh. I felt so positive;I was on short protocol taking 4 vials of menopur and cetrorelix too. I responded well to stimulation and was so pleased to get 15 follies!So ec was on Tuesday, they were pleased to obtain 9 eggs, so far so good. At this stage I must point out that the pain afterwards was horrendous, I was in tears when I had to go to the loo, but grit my teeth because, surely, no pain no gain! The next morning our hopes were crushed somewhat, out of 9 eggs only 2 had fertilised. As we were told we only have one funded cycle on NHS, but would get unlimited FET I knew that any chance of women frosties had gone.DH was wonderful , trying to console me with the old adage that 'it only takes one'. So, a fraught wait ensued until the next morning when we'd discover if any embryos had developed. Deep breath-more bad news of the 2 eggs only one had divided, and that was a 2 cell grade 3. They recommended we wait until day 3 to see if the other embie caught up-more waiting then!Yesterday was hell, neither of us could distract ourselves and didn't' sleep all night. My stomach felt leaden when I answered the phone this morning. It was the news we dreaded neither embryo was viable for transfer. It's like being punched in the stomach, weeks of drugs, waiting,discomfort and stress and we never even made it to transfer.
There is ,however, a wonderful silver lining; the clinic said that as not reaching ET was not considered a full cycle, we are funded for one more!I feel blessed and can't believe we've had such a turnaround in fortune. This whole thing is such a roller coaster ride and I feel mentally exhausted but determined to give it one more try. I have an appointment to see our consultant next week when I'll be armed with questions. I've already learned that my eggs were all mature but they don't know about quality, also that the donor sperm may not have been right, so will probably use a different donor next cycle.
The thought of repeating this process is daunting, with so much uncertainty and no guarantee of success. Has anybody out there been in a similar situation? Would love to hear from you.


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## Audiprincess (May 7, 2012)

Hi I've not had the same experience as you but didn't want to read and run, you have great PMA and a you say you have another go, the clinic now knows how you respond so that can only be a good thing right? Hopefully with another donor it will be your time next go =) 

Hopefully someone will be along soon with a similar experience with a good outcome second time around 

Good luck xx


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## schmooo75 (Mar 17, 2013)

Thanks Audiprincess- I'm feeling a lot more positive today and looking forward to my appointment at the clinic this week to find out more information. I see that you are due another cycle so wishing you all the very best


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## Audiprincess (May 7, 2012)

Ill keep my fingers crossed that you don't have to wait to start again, let us know how you get on, yes we're hoping to start in June but I've got a horrible feeling in my bones that we will be delayed for whatever reason, I overstimulated last cycle so now worried that I will under stimulate next time as they will more than likely adjust the meds, the worrying is never ending xx


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## Curly_Jay (Apr 2, 2013)

Hiya Schmooo75, sorry to hear you had a failed round.  I have read your bio and it's like I have been reading mine, the only difference is that I used donor eggs because of my age (43) and low reserve.  We too had 13 eggs being fertilised and only 1 surviving, with a good cell division.  I had the successful transfer and after 2ww I had a BFP, but resulting in a miscarriage at 7 weeks.  Week 6 I was told there was no heartbeat but to wait 1 more week.  Week 7 it was confirmed that the embryo had stopped growing and I was told to stop all the medication, and I had the miscarriage 1 week after (today is 3 weeks   ).  The doctor then said that maybe DH sperm is no good (he had a vasectomy 8 years ago) and they don't know why.  At the minute I am all over the place, 1 minute I am crying and the next I could kill someone!  And to top it all off yesterday I saw a friend with my same age really pregnant, and that has sent me down a really moody road, I can't even look at DH in the eye without fulminating him!

Maybe next round we will be cycling together   

I wish you lots of luck for next time    

Curly_Jay xx


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## schmooo75 (Mar 17, 2013)

Curlyjay-I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through, it is so difficult and all I can say is I feel your pain. I really appreciate you sharing your story, because it reminds us all that we're not alone going through the IVF process. I went back to work on Monday and it helped me a lot just to step back and fill my mind with other things. We have our appointment to discuss next steps with the clinic on Monday. I want them to give me some idea of whether it is worth going through all that pain again if my eggs are no good...not looking forward to it. I hope you have more success with your next cycle and if it is at the same time as yours, it will be good to hear from you! Take care of yourself and try to indulge in some things that you love, anything that makes you forget yourself for a while and distance yourself x


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## Curly_Jay (Apr 2, 2013)

Hiya Schmooo, just wanted to send you lots of good wishes for today's appointment  

We also have our appointment next Monday as the embryologist is away today.  We can't start our second round until my next normal AF, aiming for mid June beginning July   .  Feeling positive today and keeping myself occupied, just joined Slimming World and planning our extra long weekend break in Amsterdam in 2 weeks time   .

Curly_Jay xx


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## schmooo75 (Mar 17, 2013)

Good on you!You deserve a nice break


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