# Should we just accept it?



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi, I'm new to this forum, though I've spent months lurking and it's been so helpful to see that other people are struggling with the same emotions. I don't know how to go forward, whether to keep ttc or give up and how to come to terms with it.
Basically, I am ancient (46) and I spent my thirties fighting serious illness, which is one reason why I didn't have children then. My dh has no children, either. We've been ttc but no luck so far, though I think I may have had a chemical a few months ago. Most NHS treatment will be ruled out due to my age and we can't afford private treatment. I've also been left with diabetes as a result of the illnesses and I suppose the obvious course would  be to just give up.
But it's not as simple as that, is it? I can't believe the feelings you get with IF. The grief, anger, jealousy, resentment and stupid childish thoughts like 'why me?' I see so much in the news about abuse and wonder why and sometimes I hear parents screaming at their children or slapping them and I can't stand it. (I do know it's not an easy job being a parent!)
Where do I go from here? The cycle is normal and incredibly regular and the periods are ghastly but that's always been the case. According to my doctor, I ovulate regularly. DH has some fine swimmers. How long would you keep trying, hoping for one good egg?

Rowan


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Hi Rowan

well we have been chatting on other threads haven't we?! There is no answer to what you are experiencing - this whole thing is a nightmare and we could all say "if only...." - the infuriating thing is that people of our generation were sold the lie that we could have careers and children etc - and so we went to Uni, got careers and did not panic when in our 30s we did not get pg - when we finally woke up to the reality of how the ilnesses we have suffered have compromised our fertility our options were limited by our age. I look on this site alone and see women who are taking charge of their fertility in their 20s and I wish I had done the same.

The thoughts you have about wanting to scream "why me" and the anger at seeing people who have been lucky tohave children with no problems not realising their luck, ring true with me too - but what can we do? I too am hoping for that one good egg, that one good sperm, but unfortunately my endo has friend my ovaries and my DHs sperm are lazy blighters so the chances are virtually nil! I would laugh if it wasn't so pitiful!

Keep posting and trying and the best of luck for 2009

Nbrxx


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hon

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. To be honest, you and your DH are the only ones that can really judge when to give up but I would say that given you ovulate fine and DH's swimmers are also fine, what harm is there in a bit of BMS (baby making sex  ) . The diabetes could be causing a problem but I think there's something called the insulin resistant diet could well help you to avoid the foods which trigger it and also help to prep you for a possible pregnancy.

There may be an issue with egg quality / high FSH but this can be treated with DHEA, 50-75mg a day for around 4 months can have an amazing effect... have you had your day 1-3 FSH checked? Have you also been checked for PCOS? If you can find out whether any of these issues are having an effect on your fertility, that would be a start and then you can take it from there.

I'm with you on the jealousy and anger, it does my head in to hear people screaming at their kids, particularly those parents who seem to delight in telling their children what a pain in the **** they are... well I just want to shake them and say "do you know how lucky you are? And if your kid is a pain well whose fault is that? You're the one raising him/her, have a look at yourself and see if you can't figure out where s/he gets it from. And get a bloody grip!" And yes I do know it's hard and yes I do know that some kids are "difficult" but I don't think screaming at the kid is the way to deal with it. But then that's easy for me to say as I've never been in that situation. Still doesn't stop me from getting mad about it though....

Hon keep on trucking, unlike me there is still a possibility of a natural pregnancy and that can only be a good thing. See if you can get checked for PCOS and also if you can have your FSH checked and, if it is high, get some DHEA. If your doc will prescribe, great, if not well there are internet sites and the like where you can order it, *not that Fertility Friends advocates self medicating* but there are a bunch of mothers and pregnant ladies on the poor responders board who'll vouch for the positive effects of DHEA, even on those ladies who were basically told to abandon all hope...

Good luck!


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## LAURA H (May 26, 2008)

Hi,

Don't give up hope. I have endo and blocked tubes I had a lap and the dye wouldn't go in or out apparently. just as i come to terms with the fact that i would never have children naturally and started saving for ivf. I went on holiday and came back to find out i was pregnant. never say never! miricles do happen i asked the cons how this has happened as they we so adement that it was ivf or nothing he just said science can be proven wrong.

if your like me you will think things like this don't happen to me im not a lucky person, well it has an it could for you too. 

All the best xx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hey nbr, as you say we've been meeting on other threads!
I can relate to your signature, that you're angry with your body! I got very angry with mine in my thirties when it came down with thyroid trouble (the doctors could never tell me why). I was seriously ill and it took years to sort that out, then I got left with diabetes, which is a rare side effect, according to my doctor! (If i see one more govt statement that you only get diabetes because you over eat and take no exercise, I am going to scream!) I am still very angry with my body and of course, the illnesses meant I couldn't get pregnant! Now, it's almost certainly too late.
Are there any options about your husband's sperm? Have you thought of other ways to have a family? We did think about adoption but DH isn't keen and he tried it to please me, really. We were rejected on health grounds, actually his rather than mine! That hurt. 
I think it is probably better to do it earlier and I agree with you about young women taking charge of their fertility and trying to find out why if they have a problem. Yes, in some ways we were sold a pack of lies. What is interesting though is that in my job I see many women who had their children early in life and are now going to uni to get the qualifications for a decent career as the children are growing up. They got it right, it seems. 
Life doesn't work out as you plan, I guess. Anyway, I didn't meet my DH when I was young. As you say, we can only keep trying (I do hate the period turning up, though!)
Hi Laura and Nixfo1. Your replies came up as I was typing this. It's so good to hear from people who understand. Laura, that's wonderful! As you say, the medics can get it wrong at times! Nix, I have to go back to the doctor, I know and see if he can do those tests. I've been putting it off, to be honest because even a nurse at that practice told me I had no chance due to my age and you begin to lose all confidence! I will try that DHEA, thanks.
Thanks for getting back to me. It really does help. I don't have anyone I can talk to here.

Rowanx


Rowanx


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hey Rowan, give that nurse a smack in the gob from me, how dare she make such a statement?!  Well hon, it is a proven fact that women of your age can and do get pregnant. If the thyroid problem is now sorted which can cause fert probs in and of itself then who knows what might happen? And who the hell is she to say that it won't!

She doesn't know what she's talking about so you just ignore her and her big stupid gob and carry on with requesting your tests.        

xxx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hey, Nix, thanks for that! You're right, I should be more militant! They all love quoting statistics but my dh is right, I only need one good egg. 
Thank you all. I can see now that I really am not ready to give up yet! We'll keep trying and I'll get the tests done.
Feeling much more positive now I can see there's something I can do... 

Rowanx


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