# Clingy at bedtime



## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hey ladies lo has been home for 9 months now and she was in a great sleep routine which amazingly carried on until about 4 weeks ago. She had dihorea for 2weeks and at the end of that got a cold, we were through the worst of the cold when one night we went from being able to put her to bed and leave the room while she was awake and she would happily lay and go off to sleep herself, to having to be held for her to go to sleep, now we are having to stay in the room hold her or hold her hand while she falls asleep. Also she is now waking lots during the night and even getting into our bed so we can at lest get some sleep. I've been to the doctors today who said we need to practice tough love go in a couple of times and then leave, he said the more we reward her crying the more she will do it and never put her in our bed. So I'm at the end of my limit, I'm crying all the time I'm so tired and at a loss as what to do for the best. Took the doctors advice today at nap time and after lo screaming for an hour and a half I go her up as it got to late to nap and she wasn't going to any way so now she is very tired and I am very stressed out. Any advice would be great as I'm totally lost now😭


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi,
I haven't got much time but IGNORE the dr!!
Lol needs you at the moment and this will strengthen your attachment.
If you can co-sleep then do, stay till lo drops off or could you have a temp bed in.their room for now so you all get some sleep?


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi
On my phone, so must be brief.


Doctor talking about typical securely attached birth children and frankly in my opinion is talking rubbish!


Our kids are not typical kids, they've all had rough starts and super nanny/cry it out methods are totally inappropriate.  'Tough love", they've already experienced that before coming to us!!


Your little one needs you.  Be there for her.  My son is primary School age.  He is a great sleeper but I still sit beside his bed and hold his hand as he goes to sleep.  It works, no stress and it often takes only minutes for him to go to sleep as he is reassured by my presence.


Her behaviour is telling you she needs her Mummy.  


Much more to say but must go.  It is actually a good sign that she is needing you more - she's building her attachment to you, she's starting to trust you, she wants YOU!


Forget super nanny.  Think attachment, think about how a mumny responds to the needs of her tiny newborn baby and do the same!


Good luck xxx


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## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

Couldn't agree more with the others. Our LO's have been home 3 years and the youngest still loves to cuddle up at bedtime and have her hand held til she drops off.She now tells me about her day at school (she's in reception) and who she played with. It's lovely quiet time for us. We always got up with both of them whenever needed in the night - a quick cuddle and they soon nod off. Little one sometimes gets into our bed but not often and eldest never has, she likes her sleep too much nothing disturbs her once she's asleep.  It's worked so far for us the girls are happy, settled and well attached. Take your time and enjoy the quiet time and cuddles at night it's worth it in the end x


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Just repeating what everyone else says. I think the doctor's advice is unhelpful for all children, but especially for adopted children still developing an attachment. We've (either me or my patner, not both of us) stayed with our LO til he falls asleep every night since he came home 10 months ago. Sometimes I wish I had more time in the evenings, but the cuddles we have at bedtime are just golden and I think are really important to our intimacy. Enjoy and don't stress - she will go to sleep on her own when she's ready xxx


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Thanks ladies I can always rely on you guys for the answer, after talking to a friend who has 2 adopted children tough love worked for her so, we tried tough love for one night and it was awful we felt so guilty and we still got no sleep, it was the worse thing we've ever done, tough love is definitely not for us. The next night lo got so stressed out at the thought of bed she was sick, it's so upsetting to think that's because of our choice the night before.
I saw an old friend and she said that I should trust my instinct I've done this twice before adopted or not I know what a mum should do, it felt so good to hear from her, and I do know what to do, my little girl neeeds me then that's what she gets I sit with her while she sleeps and when she gets upset in the night and won't settle she gets in with us, need a bigger bed mind lol.
I was just having a wobble feeling like a bad mum cos I couldn't keep her in her routine, but now I know as long as I give her what she needs and keep her happy I can't possibly be a bad mum🤗
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL 🎄


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Totally trust your instincts!! How old is your youngest? Routines go out the window for both my kids whenever they're ill, teething, bad dream etc all the time. Rarely have a clue about why till afterwards and has been the same for my AS as my BS.  You know your kids and your instinct for what they need is not to be underestimated!


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