# Hospital stays



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

First of all I hope this posts ok as my phone is showing the forum in a very different format which I'm not too sure about! 
So much has gone on for us I'm not going to go through it all but I really need some advice
We've had blossoms full sibling with us for 3.5 months now he came to us at 2 months old on f2a. Obviously blossom's little world has been turned upside down in the last few months and understandably she struggled to accept twiglet. About a month ago we began to turn a corner with their relationship and at her own pace with no forcing from us she started to show love & affection towards him. We have now come to a hurdle! I'm currently staying in hospital with a very poorly twiglet - nothing too serious but something quite rare in babies his age. He is due to make a full recovery but it will take time. We've been in hospital 4 days now and looks like going home is a while away. I'm so worried that this massive set back will bring us back to square one, after all twiglet now has stolen her mummy away. At the moment I really can't leave him as he just won't settle for anyone else not even daddy. So when blossom visits I do my best to smother her and be hers which is hard when twiglet is screaming at Dh! I just wondered if anyone had any tips, ideas or words of wisdom as I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by everything


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Hey didn't want to read and run, sorry your lo is unwell and what your family is going through, I can't offer any words of wisdom but sending you big hugs 🤗 hang on in there and keep your chin up. Hopefully things will carry on getting better between them when lo gets back home, and it sounds like your doing the right thing spending as much time as you can with your daughter, it's tough when one child needs you more than the other for what ever reason.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Not quite the same but with similar responses: After starting the process to adopt a 2nd time, I very unexpectedly fell pregnant. However, when LO1 was 3 and a bit, I developed some problems when my waters broke 8wks early. My husband was working away from home in Kent and my mum had to rush down to take care of me and LO. I spent the next 10 days in and out of hospital before giving birth 6.5wks early to his baby brother, He had to stay in special care for 13 days and I spent a further 6 of those in hospital before going home and even then wasn't available as I had to spend most waking moments at the hospital with the baby and recovery took some time.
LO understandable felt upset, worried and overwhelmed. His behaviour was awful and the reality was that I wasn't there for him and I had been his anchor so it did cause issues. When he came to visit, I got him involved by saying how much I appreciated my big boy and how helpful and kind he was. I'd find him little jobs to do, like get a cup of water or draw a nice picture to stick on baby's cot. Once home, the additional care continued as baby was unwell for a long time and didn't sleep. I now recognise I had post-natal depression but at the time failed to realise.
Things that helped our relationship: 
1. No matter the yelling from Twiglet, making sure you spend special time for just you and Blossom -Twiglet will continue to try and monopolise you away from Blossom for the rest of his childhood and will need to learn that Blossom gets special mummy time too.
2. Regression -it's okay to let Blossom behave in a younger way and baby her a bit with the cuddles and reading/singing with her in the same was as with Twiglet. If she wants to play up the 'I'm a big girl' card, praise all the big girl stuff she can do and get her to sing or read to her brother herself.
3. Send special messages to her whilst you're away i.e. test partner saying 'To Blossom, I just saw a beautiful flower and it made me think of you and your lovely smile'..

I can tell you now that, at 5yrs and 21mths old respectively, my boys now adore each other and both appreciate special mummy time. Their relationship has improved dramatically (especially once LO1 finally understood we weren't taking LO2 back or giving him away) and LO1 now spontaneously hugs, plays with and comforts LO2 which at one point I thought would never happen! 
My reality with more than one child is that there will always be arguments, upset, possessiveness but the love and bonds within your family, no matter how it is made or how long it takes to come, will happen.


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