# Is it me or is he being an a**e?



## lea86 (Jul 26, 2011)

Our treatment is due to start soon and I'm becoming increasing more excited at the prospect of becoming pregnant  
BUT...for some reason I appear to have annoyed my (at this moment in time not so) DP! Apparently I was going on too much about it last night!  

The problem is....I came to terms with my PCOS ages ago as it runs in my family and knew that there was a chance that I may not conceive naturally (even though my mother did albeit with a big gap...8 years). However, he on the other hand only recently found out that his little swimmers are not great. To some extent I cannot really 'feel sorry' for him because he is not truly committed to making positive changes to his life to aid better sperm quality. He still smokes (which I hate) and regularly drinks with his city work mates!

He asked me not to tell anyone about his problem which I agreed to. I can't be open about us having ICSI  instead clomid & IUI because it will be slightly indicative of his problem (just google it!). Therefore, if I cannot talk to others (apart from you lovely ladies)....why will he not engage in my conversations on the topic!? I just don't know...I'm thinking that I should just tell my mum, we're really close and I know she wont tell anyone else, but then I don't want to go against him and what we agreed!

I don't know...maybe I'm just being insensitive and not understanding it from his prospective!! Just wanted to get that out of my system!!


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

why not just tell people you're having ICSI because it's unexplained? that way there's no blame attached... they told us to have ICSI, yet DH swimmers are fine.. they just wanted to be more certain of fertilising...


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## knickerbockerglory (Aug 10, 2011)

Hi

my DH doesnt want anyone to know either - I think its a bloke thing, they see it as an affront on their masculinity, and given that you have male issues he will be super sensitive to this. Men also dont understand the need to share things with their friends.

I have managed to persuade him to tell my mum and auntie, I've also told a couple of friends (oops) but he doesnt know! i needed to tell someone! 

By the way, we are also having ICSI at our next cycle due to poor fertilisation. DH swimmers are fine so it came as a bit of a shock to us (I thought ICSI was just for male factors).

Good luck with your treatment 

Nicx


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## Lucylu1982 (Apr 28, 2012)

Hi ladies,
We're in the same situation. DH has low sperm count & motility and doesn't want to talk to anyone about it. His sister had IVF a few years ago and though she conceived naturally in the end - his family were incredibly cruel. They seem to make fun from others misfortune so obviously he doesn't want to talk to them about it.  It's harder and harder to keep shtum.

I've just bought Zita West book 'guide to fertility & assisted conception' which I can't recommend highly enough. It talks through how IVF impacts your relationship & I've even seen DH reading it whilst I was in another room! So, thiugh men may not want to talk things through it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

Hope this helps!
X


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

My bf doesn't think anyone knows, we have never had the "don't tell anyone" convo, just cz he hasn't he thinks I haven't. 

I've told my mum n best friends (2) I don't want to be talked about or pitied by everyone, but I like u need to talk to someone. Think that's just how we differ from most guys.

I agree with the above lady its not because they don't care its just how they deal with things.

We had councilling cz we are going to egg share n db said he feels helpless cz he can't do anything its me that has to do everything and go thru it all. He just has to turn up! 

Xx


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## lea86 (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Ladies

Well since I wrote this I had a little bit of an emotional breakdown! I received a call from the fertility nurse about our forth coming treatment and I was really excited, so when he came home from work I wanted to tell him. He rudely interrupted me and changed the subject so I burst out into tears saying that he is not considering my feelings and how I need to be reassured and supported by him. He apologised and said that he did not realise how his actions were affecting me.

I've now told my mum and she is pleased for us, she wants to be a grandmother! I will also tell my grandmother when I see her in the week.

I understand that men deal with these situations differently so I guess equally I need to appreciate how he feels.

So glad I have FF though! It's filling the gap for now...lol!!

I wish all of you the best with your tx!


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