# Limbo land



## hopefuldeb (May 29, 2009)

Hi,

I think I am having a bit of a meltdown.  I am 10 dpt after having a natural cycle of FET with 4 day old embies and my AF has arrived with a vengence today.  I was ok and handelling it until my DH anounced to me that he needs a break and that he doesn't want to even think about more treatment for at least 6 months!  It took us 8 months to have FET after a m/c last year and he says that I rushed him into that.  

I feel that the past 3.5 years TTC have been wasted, I have spent this time in limbo waiting to move on to the next stage of my life, any more time is just prolonging the agony.  I do believe that we will have a baby at some point but I don't know when.  If we have to wait 6 months between each cycle for him to recover then my limbo hell is going to last for a good few more years and this is causing me to freak out a bit.  

We have had a big row and neither of us is really talking to the other.  We are both so angry with each other, but I feel like it is all up to him now, I have to wait until he says we can start again.  We have both been so strong together through all of this, but I can see that his decision is going to cause problems as I already resent him for it.  It doesn't help that he has chosen today to spring this on me, he says I'm being selfish but so is he.  It always seems to be about him.  

Sorry to anyone reading this I just need to rant!  I am so angry, I was angry at the world, God and the 2 women at work who anounced their pregnancies 1 hour after I discovered I wasn't.  Now I am angry with the one person who is supposed to know and understand me.  I can't see any middle ground with this one and I am scared that for the next 6 to  months it is going to mess with my head and our marriage.

Any advice would be very welcome

Deb


----------



## Gemini1974 (Apr 25, 2010)

Hi Deb,
Im not surprised you feel you are having a meltdown, you've been on a proper rollercoaster over the last couple of years.  It sounds like the pressure and expectation have just been building up and up and whereas we women want to press on and get through treatment as quick as possible, I think men get to the stage where they want to run back into their caves....!  Perhaps he also feels that your marriage is just becoming 'about trying to conceive' and wants you back as his wife.  Perhaps he also feels like it is his fault and in that scenario, he would probably react by wanting to have a break from it all because it is getting too much.  Men tend not to be as in touch with their feelings as we are and they are often unable to analyse emotions and make sense of things.  They just react defensively.  I think my husband reacted worse to our negative result last month, than I did.  I was so busy bleating down the phone to my mates about the horrible progesterone pessaries, that I didnt notice him sitting in the kitchen with tears rolling down his cheeks.  I sort of forgot him in the process of the IVF.............We had a big long talk and sat down and drank ourselves silly together and laughed like we hadnt done for months.  He is my best friend in the whole world and I bet your husband is too.  IVF is really awful emotionally but we have to protect our marriages at all costs - otherwise, why are we doing all this?  If it comes down to it, then I would choose my husband over a baby any day of the week.  I hope you are feeling better today, try doing something together than has nothing to do with babies or IVF, just something for the two of you, and I hope that things get easier  x


----------

