# HELP - info required asap



## Tearful (Nov 19, 2007)

Hi Ladies   

Hope everyone is well. Need a wee bit of info or help if anyone can before Tuesday.  Basically the story is about my wee sister----- 

She is 28years old and her partner is roughly the same. They've been together for over 10years and have a son who is 8years old.
Approx a year after he was born my sister started trying for baby no2. Since 2001 she has had 3 miscarriages and has had bleeds sometimes in between periods. Her last D&C was in Nov 2006. She dosen't like Dr's very much as they have messed her about a bit during her miscarriages.    

 Alas, i convinced her to ask for a refferral to the RFC to see the experts. This she did and ended up on a very short appointment with Dr Traub   . She left crying and saying she had given up. He basically wrote them off and said stop smoking. That was it. No explanations or possible suggestions as to 3 miscarriages or interim bleeding.  

I felt quite angry at the time as my sister and partner do not drink alcohol and even though they do smoke, they aren't real heavy smokers. One of her friends older brother and wife had IVF at RFC and they are both big smokers and drink.  

Since then, every so often she gets depressed and more so in this last fortnight as she has just found out 3 of her friends are pregnant. 

I have actually managed to convince her to go back to her GP by telling her i would go with her and explain to the GP that i am on waiting list (different circumstances-male factor) and have had dealings with DR Traub. Although he is very informative his bedside matter is not very empathic!   So i can imagine what he was like with my wee sis.   I think he just thought that because they are young and have a son then everything works. But things can change. Why has she had 3 miscarriages and unexplained interim bleeding between periods! I think she deserves answers.

 So i am going with her on Tuesday morning to a female GP (hopefully she will be a bit more understanding) in the hope of convincing her to send another refferal. I was wondering if anyone had any stories or circumstances similar to my sister that i can use to convince DR and also possibly a similar story to cheer my wee sis up. I fear if she gets knocked back again with a stupid simply just stop smoking then she won't go near the Drs again for help.

Also i was wondering does anyone know of any medication the RFC can provide to assist or does it always have to be IVF or ICSI. I'm a bit ill informed of anything with the drugs side of things so far as my DH and i haven't got that far yet and our circumstances are different (failed reversal of vasectomy).

Sorry for long story but just trying to help my wee sis and i know that between everyone on here there is a wealth of support and information.


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## Ladyhex (Sep 6, 2008)

Morning Tearful 

I'm in the same boat as ur wee sis .....but we had a better reception at the RVH ( DR McFaul ) DD natural ......cause we have been trying for more than 6 years we are going for IVF ( male factors ) DR McFaul told us that things change even if you have a child 
The RVH did the test on DH ...but they only did blood tests on me...... 

Has she been for a smear test lately? 

My last one showed an erosion on my cervix which could be the cause of my unexplained bleeding ? 

Her own Doctor should be testing her cause of the 3 Miscarriages? 

Hope this helps Tearful 

Ladyhex xx


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## Lesley08 (May 4, 2008)

Hi Tearful,
I had 4 children between the ages of 17 and 26. In between the 3rd and 4th I had 3 m/c. Three years ago I started trying again ( new hubby) and after 3 months got pg only to m/c at 9 -10 weeks. After that we couldnt get pg. at first we were not taken seriously by any of the docs it was only at my insistence that they eventually investigated fyrther and found out we had both male and female factors. As for the m/c she should at the very least be getting investigated for recurrent m/c. I agree with Ladyhex the interim bleeding could very well be an erosion but it should also be checked out. Hope this helps.

Lesley xx


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## betty-77 (Mar 13, 2008)

Hi Tearful,

Sorry to say this but i think its important to look at all possible outcomes for tuesday....When i 1st went to my doc about infertility probs me and dh where both smokers, my doctor told us that we had to stop smoking as if we ever needed to go to rfc they would turn us away.  we stopped that day.  I know its extremely difficult to stop smoking but there is lots of help now.  I just think perhaps this is what doc will say its worth having a chat with your sis to see how she feels about trying to quit and going back for a referal in a few months.

hope this makes some sense to you, i really hope it works out for her

Betty xx


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## rosiepoe (Nov 28, 2008)

hi tearful,  I had  a very similar experience with Dr Traub.  I found his bedside manner offensive.  He may be an expert but when couples experience IF they are confused and wanting answers.  I don't think he was very helpful at all.  He just told us the very minimum and there was no real explanation as to what was going on. He had made his mind up and that was it there were no other options. 

We went to Origin and the consultant there was so much nicer.  He explained things at a level we would undestand and there was a nurse present too so anything he couldn't help us with she could.  The experiences were polar opposites.  

I am sure that it is a no no to smoke but i can imagine how it was delivered to your sis and i bet that was a huge blow.


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## tulips (Dec 28, 2007)

Hi Tearful,
Please let your sister know that she is not alone. I have been to see Dr Traub on a few occasions and on each occasion I have come out crying and upset, the last time I actually cried when I was still with him. He is rude and abrupt and has absolutely NO bedside manner. I am not a smoker but my dh smokes sometimes and when we told him that, he was so cold with us and basically said that in another couple of years the RVH will turn all smokers away for fertility treatment. He obviously had a serious issue with smoking which is maybe fair enough but it's his manner which is so unneccessary. I cried the whole way home the last time I saw him and I dread having to go back there, he actually makes me feel that it is our fault we cannot have a baby, even though we are "unexplained" and all our results have come back fine....on a positive note, I am also with Origin and I could not praise them enough, would your sister be able to afford to go private for even one initial appointment or to get her first tests done? They are excellent and both the consultants and the nurses take time to reassure you and answer all your questions....give your sister a hug from me and tell her not to give up. I am a few years older than her and have never been pregnant but I'm not giving up yet. It is such a difficult journey - maybe she could come onto this site to get some support? Sorry, I can't really give any advice but your post struck a chord and I just wanted your sister to know that she's not alone....hugs to you both xx


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## Tearful (Nov 19, 2007)

A VERY BIG THANKYOU !

Ladyhex, Lesley08, Betty-77, Rosiepoe and Tulips 

Thankyou very much for your replies to my post!   

I phoned my wee sis and told her. I read all of your replies out to her. She was chuffed. 

With regards the smear- she has one every year and all is well. She also had an internal and the scan showed her ovaries to which she was told they were in good condition.    So still not sure about the interim bleeding  

As for smoking, i don't think she will quit all together as she's not a big smoker and she says that its her wee vice. She has tried before but obviously wasn't successful.   But who knows, due to waiting lists even for refferal appointments, maybe by then she might have stopped. 

I think its hard as she knows her friends who had the IVF (who had twins- lucky so and so's) were heavy smokers and she doesn't even come close as to quantity they smoke.  

 Anyway, Thanks again for your replies. I'll keep working on the smoking issue with her and her DP.


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