# I'm not sure we will be allowed to adopt



## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

Hi everyone..I have enjoyed reading through this thread as DH and I are really wanting to adopt at this moment. I was diagnosed with PCOS 4 years ago. I went on to loose 100 lbs in hopes of getting pregnant. We have been TTC for about 2 years. We decided to try to adopt but I think we have alot of hurdles that would stand in our. I firstly worried as we have just moved to UK 10 months ago from Australia. Husband is Australian/British and I am Austraian/American. Anywway so husband has a national EU passport. My worry is that because we have only lived here for 10 months and not having any family or close friends that the SW will not approve us or think we would be suitable candidates. We do however know a couple that live in the UK who we are actually good friends with. We knew them in Aus as well. Anyway...how much will this affect our assessment.
Secondly my husband is diagnosed with depression. He was diagnosed about 7 years ago and has been on medication since as well as years of thearpy.  He hasnt had a major issue with his depression for years but I wonder how this may affect the assesment as well.
Okay any advice would be helpful...maybe im going crazy i dont know


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi

Firstly well done on your weight loss, not easy especially having PCOS so a huge achievement, well done  

I'm unsure if your only being in the UK 10 months will affect your application to adopt, the best thing to do would be to speak to a few agencies to get their general views.
When you're going through the process your social worker will need to know you have a good support network in place for when you are placed with a child, i remember thinking at the time how it seemed they kept banging on about it    But once DS came home I soon realised that support network was definately needed.  They will want to know who will be there for you if you're having a really bad day, who could look after your child for a few hours if you had an emergency and god forbid who would take on your child if anything happened to you and your dh  
For your DH's depression I would say again to speak to a few agencies but it shouldn't affect your application, his seeking help will be seen as a positive.

Best of luck with your journey


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

thanks wynster, after 25 hits on my topic and no reply I was begging to think no one really cared to answer....
Thanks for the encouragement..losing the weight was not easy...and I am looking to loose another 40lbs.

I agree with you about the support ..I think anyone (adopted or not) needs the support around and I fear that that would be a negative. This is one of the reason that DH and I have decided to move in two months. We will be moving closer to the married couple that I mentioned before as they have always been our support since we moved here....not to mention it was them who convienced us to move here from Aus. My mum aslo has planeed to come stay in the UK for a few months directly after or sometime close to the time that we are placed. She lives in America and would come anytime we needed her or when our friends arent available to help us out during some emergency. I am also planning to join a support group within our church as they have loads of them for mums or mum's to be. I think this will also help me with being a mum. I woudl do this wiether I was adopting pregnant myself. I dont know if any of this factors into my support. I definanlty know that I need more friends with experience as mum at any rate.

DH and I are looking int ot registering with a GP next week..as we need to anyway as he would run out of his medication in two months...so we would need to get a GP up to date by the time the SW asks for a medical.  I am hoping that they can see that he has dealt with the major issues of disease over the last 7 years and doing quit well with his current treatment (medication), hopefully the two years of thearpy will be looked as favorably as this is where he was able to sort through it all.


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## Guest (Jan 30, 2010)

Well first of all hi and welcome.  

Starting the adoption process can feel quite daunting and the best way to find out the answers to your questions is actually to start the ball rolling and get in touch with a few local agencies.  

On your specific queries - a few thoughts:
When we were first approved we had a weak support network, but now its pretty strong - its amazing how doors open up once you have kids!  
We fostered first and had a lot of questions at our approval panel about whether we would stay as we'd moved up from England only about 18 months before - we said we expected to stay and that was the end of it.  
In general any illness which is under control is not an issue, but each situation would be considered independently.  Different agences also have different policies so it really does depend.  

Good luck
Bop


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

Thanks for your reply bop. I figured we would have to explain that we migrated and not just moved. So our intentions are to stay forever.  I also thought if needed we could get a letter of some sort from DH doctor back in Australia to explain that his illness is not an issue. 
I have contact a three agencies (email..since it is the weekend) ..and will follow up next week to see how we go and what the next step is...I think I have read as much as I can over the past 5 or so months of reasearch.
I think I must know every website, agency and legeslation to deal with Adoption in the UK by now! 
Now to just get things going to see how it wil really work out! Thanks for your advice!


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## minmouse (Nov 15, 2009)

Hi jessabella,

Not sure I can offer any great advice, but didnt want to read & run.  

I did want to tell you that my DP also has suffered with depression and we have started the adoption process with an LA who are aware of this and they said that they will not elminiate us purely because of it.  They will basically take the advice of the GP, via the medicals, as to whether it is an issue with regard to being a parent or not.

Good luck with your journey, come & join us on the adoption virgin thread for lots of newbies going through the process at the same time!
M
x


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

Thanks for your advice...I need to find the adoption virgins board..im heading over now!


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## kittykat1234 (Jan 15, 2010)

Hi there jessabella,

Welcome to this amazing site!! I only joined it in Dec and its been soooooooooooo helpful and informative!!

Well done on your weight loss, i know how hard it is keeping your weight to what it should be so well done you! 

Regarding the pointers you made about the support netwok, you could always include your GP in your support network, the local Primary Care too as they would be the ones you will call when you have a medical concern day or night but mostly night when the GP is closed.

Neighbours once you have moved would be great to be able to include into your support network so try and make friends with as many of them as you can! The church group also is a great idea and see if there is a adoption support group near you that you could start attending too.

I recently started voluntary work at a local nursery, only friday afternoon's as i work the rest of the time but doing this will not only  give you valuable experience but you will also be able to name people there as part of your support network and it also looks VERY good to the sw's! I have a lot of experience with babies and toddlers yet my first afternoon at the nursery was priceless and i learnt a lot!

Also join Be my parent and Adoption Uk as these are excellent well known sites and have pre, during and post adoption support networks and forums which again can be part of the support network. Maybe not on a practical hands on basis but for answering questions and having a rant on a bad day etc they are wonderful!

Really hope this helps and Good luck with everything!   xxx


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

Thanks for your reply. I agree that we need more support and cant wait until we move as it is in the same town as our friends who are our main support at the moment. Currently I havent even registerd with a doctor (I suppose I should get to that!)  So wouldnt evne know where to find an after hours doctor ect..But I knwo I will need to do that asap. I just didnt know if I should do it here or wait until we moved. I also volunteering but couldnt decide if I wanted to get a job or volunteer as I dont think I woul be able to do both. But the good thing is I work with children and youth and is what one of my uni dgrees are....so whatever work I do will be with children of some sort I am sure. So hopefully that would help. I am still just waiting to find out which agency or if we will go with a LA. If we go through a LA I think we would have to wait to move before we could apply since the town is considerably far away.


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## kittykat1234 (Jan 15, 2010)

Well the out of hours  would  be the Primary Care Unit at the local hospital in the area so once you have moved you can enquire there, it also shows you have looked into the health care side of things for when you are placed with a child.I know a few people who have listed their GP and Primary Care Unit down in their support Network. Once you have moved you can then register with a  GP too.

Thats really good that your job is with children! Thats definately a plus point  . I have chosen to work in the 0-12 months section of the nursery as thats the age i am hoping to adopt  

Regarding the LA/VA we spoke about this on saturday at my information session and the sw told us that its better if possible to go with the LA as all children under the VA are looked after by the LA but just placed with that VA so would have to go through the LA anyway which (a) can take longer and (b) there are usually more children available with the LA. I am with a LA that is 30 miles away and when i enquired they said it didnt matter at all and that its best to go with as larger LA as you can as there are more children available. I am with Birmingham where there are 150 kids waiting for a home  


Don't forget you can list the support groups on Be My parent and Adoption Uk and any groups you may find in the area you are in and  also your LA wil have support groups for post adoption.

Good luck xxx


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

wow..thanks for the information...we should definanatly stay in touch as we go along this process..Im going ot need all the help I can get. Well I just sent an inquire to the Kent county concil for adoption so will see if that returns anything. Thanks again for the info


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## kittykat1234 (Jan 15, 2010)

No problem at all and yes, definately we must  stay in touch  

Thats great you have made the enquiry, i am sure it will be fine!

Once approved you can always enquire about a child through Be My Parent and Adoption Uk etc and the distance isn't a problem unless the child has to be within a certain amount of mileage from it's borough but this is rare apparently!

LA wise i think the only disadvantage to being too far away is that obviously the sw's won't want to be travelling tooo far but from what i can gather 30 - 50 miles is usually fine as I am between 30 and 40 miles away!

Anything else just ask honestly xxx


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## jessabella (Jan 29, 2010)

OH ok i think I would be okay then..ken is about 45 miles away from where I am now..and we will be moving in march/april..and sooner if we have to ..so I think it would okay..thanks for your advice.


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