# ive had enough



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies really need to rant about different things and I hope I don't sound too silly   today I've got to the point where as the thread says I've had enough and I no longer know what to do everything's getting on top of me and I don't know where turn. I'm really good at giving anyone advice and willing to help anyone who needs it I've always but others first but can't take my own advice. Me and my mum went into town today as she needs work clothes because she works in a school and is back inwork on Monday. I felt off this morning but decided to go with her anyway she was moaning about things that wernt worth moaning about (she's a massive moaner) she snapped at everything I did and we went seprate ways. I got a taxi home. The week before a cousin as announced she expecting and me being me acted all exited and   for them. My partners mum was quite good during my infertility but when her youngest son had a baby all that went out the window. the other day my partner left me with her as he needed to nip sonehwere and she explained she was having Abby for the night and I was surrounded by baby food, highchairs and toys. I just smiled. Whenever we go out for a meal with her she bassically blanks me and my partner. last time for her 50th she decided to sit right around a play area with 1 screaming baby one end and a baby being fed the other. Her son's gf also tries to rub it in but I've learnt to ignore. what annoys me is my partners. mum will ask him do things and he's there straight away and we visit her every weekend and been in awkward situations but still continues to go as it's his mum. My partner knows how I feel. Even when he told her I was seeing a counsellor she never said anything about it. Whenever people need me I'm there for whatever reason but feel no one does that for me. I didn't want to tell anyone how I felt but thought seeing a counsellor then people would understand but no. My partner knows how upset I can be but he's not good with feelings or crying women typical man hey. I've plucked the courage to have Christmas dinner out with his mum and now got my mum moaning her and my dad will be alone as my brother will be with his girlfriend. I can't win! I seem to get blamed for alot of things though all I do is try to please everyone I can't do it anymore. I've started to get scared my partners going to leave me and find someone eles. I'm scared to carry on being happy so I'm not hurt if he does leave so find myself snapping at him. I've been with his 6 years and always been happy with him sure had ups and downs. My partners very stubborn so if we argue we ignore eachotger for a bit and gradually speak I've even written things down for him to understand it helped abit. I'm just looking for advice really I feel like packing my bags and just running off I've hadenough, anyone eles felt this way x


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## tiffers35 (Aug 25, 2013)

Really feel for you Tinkerbell. It's always the way though, those of us who do our best to please others are the ones who are taken advantage of. 
Think it's time to start doing what you want to do. Think in the long run this will result in you being happier and more relaxed. You are putting so much pressure on yourself trying to please everyone else. You and dp have enough pressure ttc you don't need anymore! Putting yourselves first will also prob improve your relationship with your dp. Good luck with it all
Tiffers


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your reply tiffers, my counsellor said the exact same thing. when I had counselling sessions I felt ok cause I had someone there but since my sessions ended I feel back to the way I was. Growing up I was always the one to offer advice the one people came to and I thought they'd help me but I was wrong. I can be ok for weeks then something sets me off and I go back to square one I can't believe how the people you help can't return the favour it's times like this you find out who your real friends and family are


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## tiffers35 (Aug 25, 2013)

Sounds like the counselling was really helpful. It may be beneficial to have further sessions? I think you are right. It's times like this that you do find out who your true friends are. Ttc is a very lonely place and if friends and family cannot support you through this then you need to make a few decisions. You either confront them with how you feel or you limit the amount of time you spend with them.
It's very difficult to cope with people who make you feel even worse than you already do, so many of us have lost friendships through infertility and have had to forge new ones. It's worth trying to explain how you feel you may find they are more supportive and understanding and if not its time to move on. At least you tried then. I managed to keep many of my closest friends but did withdraw myself to some degree as pregnant bffs, as we all know, are very hard to handle. I made new friends that I didn't find so painful to be around. You do need to work out what makes you happy. There is not much joy in ttc so you need to look after yourself. Treat yourself. Spend time doing the things you enjoy. 
I don't think I coped particularly well myself but I tried to make the best of it during that period. It's very tough IF affects us financially, emotionally, physically and socially - every area of our lives really. Good luck Tinkerbell 
Tiffers


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## Dreamer14 (Feb 5, 2014)

Hi tinker bell,

I hope you have had a good few days. Didn't want to just read and run!

Sounds to me like the counselling was really helpful, is there any chance/opportunity for you to have more sessions?

As tiffers35 mentioned it's always the way! Those of us who try and please everyone and make everyone happy end up suffering more in the long run. Never underestimate what a huge strain ttc And infertility is on a couple. Especially as those of us who struggle ironically seemed to be surrounded by couples who can seemingly pop children at will! 

I think it's time to put yourself and dp first and do what makes you happy as a couple. And for you treat yourself, have some you time and spend some time with friends and family that you find are less stressful to be around. And when you are feeling better about things maybe try and explain to inlaws etc exactly what is like for you and hopefully they'll be a bit more understanding.

Sending you a cyber hug - infertility is so cruel isn't it xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thabkyou for your replies. I've heard one of my cousins gf is pregnant and they havnt told me in person but I've heard they've said they want to tell me themselves and are nervous about telling me (first time it hasn't been rammed in my face) I've revieved a text of my cousins gf to ask if she can come over tomorrow night for a cuppa. I'm assuming she's going to tell me but the question is how do I react? Normally people shove it in my face with no understanding of how it makes me feel this is the first time someone has actually thought of my feelings and now I don't know how act. apart of me says act really exited but I know as soon as they walk out that door I'll be in floods on the floor. We get annoyed at people for not understanding but when we do get that very rare ocassion where someone is thinking of you we still dont know how to act   some hints and tips would be great xx


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Hi tinkerbell, sorry i don't actually have any advise for you as I have never come across someone actually showing some sensitivity!  If I was in your situation i think I would let them know I was happy for them but also explain that you would be finding it difficult,  as the sadness you have for yourself overtakes all other emotions.

Good luck, hope it goes okay, it's never an easy situation.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your reply. I think that's why I'm finding it hard to know how to act cause I normally never come across anyone sensitive other than on here so to find out someone is actually trying is nice but now I don't know how act. I'm sure once they've told me that's all I'll priberbly hear in the coming months. That's the bit I find hard. I went my mum's yesterday as it was her birthday and some of my relatives were there talking about the pregnancy and how its too soon for them to have a baby then I got the ' they want to tell you themselves so dont let on we've kind of told you" at least there's a warning I suppose   god I'm struggling I've actually sat in front of the mirror this morning putting on my FAKE happy face and the I'm so exited for you face. I am generally happy for them but it's tough. Especiallly when a friend announce a she's expecting a girl and chosen a name. I'm really good at acting like I'm ok with it all but find it hard to tell people how I actually feel x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou for your reply it's good to know I'm not alone with these feelings. I find it quite strange because I can talk to people about pregnancy and babies but when I get home I'm in tears so don't understand how I can keep myself so composed in the situation. My cousin came over and was there 3 hours and just as she was leaving she gave me her scan and started talking babies. I put on that "oh my god congratulations " smile and luckily my partner finished work as they left so I wasn't in tears. I did feel upset though but was proud of myself for not breaking down. So I know I can do it. and to be honest I think it's the people who announce pregnancy aswel because alot of them don't have no sympathy when telling you or talk babies constantly like my partners brother everywhere I go it's pregnancy news it really hurts and I don't understand how in some situations I'm ok but others a break down I feel like I'm going mad xx


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