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## Ktd185 (Oct 7, 2013)

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## FlyingCat (Jan 23, 2011)

Hi There, just spotted your post and didn't want to read and run.

You know we'll probably never know for sure all the reasons for infertility. But some of them we do know. There are plenty of reasons for infertility which are definately nothing whatsoever to do with "Nature finding a way" of preventing conditions being carried forward. Such as infections, injuries, I don't know what else.

As for whether it's offensive - I know what you mean about it feeling that way despite you not thinking your mum meant it to be offensive. I would choose in this instance to think of it that she is close enough to you to feel she can share the worry she has in the back of her mind (and that truthfully I suppose has crossed many of our minds at some point). You are lucky to be so close. I know when I told mum and dad that DH and I were having trouble their instant response was - is it something they had done or passed on to us. In our case it seems it is Male factor so not the case (and my DHs parents have died so we never had to tell them) but it's human nature to blame yourself.

From what I've heard there is a higher incidence of autistic spectrum disorders in IVF babies but not more than is expected given that IVF babies are on average born to older parents. And it still appears to be a small risk.

Hugs to you in any case. Telling people and dealing with their reactions is hard. As is accepting we're in the situation ourselves.

Good luck.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Actually infertility can be a way of nature not passing something on, thats why a small minority of ladies, counting myself choose to have pgd.  As they know they have a condition or a higher chance of having a baby who has a high chance of having major problems and thats only if they survive.  A lot of babies with down syndrome and other genetic chromosome problems unfortunately wont make it to turn.  But there are specific conditions that people (counting myself)  that come hand in hand with IF and thats because the baby can be incompatible with life.  I have a balanced translocation, i have just found out im pregnant naturally and just had a cvs test to check the babies chromazone status. There are many other chromosome problems that are similar.  But when we are talking about autism i think its more complicated, for a start no one really knows how autism is caused, the only think they know for sure is that its a brain disturbance.  Im also not sure if autism is genetic as im guessing unless your someone who has autism but is high functioning im guessing your probably not going to be in a relationship or trying for a baby.  I work with adults with learning disabilities and most of them if not all of them display some degree of autistic traits, even the ones who are diagnosed with other learning disabilities such as williams syndrome and down syndrome, it kind of comes a bit hand in hand with learning disabilities.


I generally don't believe your oh's brother having autistic traits is a way of nature saying you shouldn't have children.  There are no hard facts that its even genetic.  I can totally understand why you were offended but like you said im sure she was just thinking out loud.  My mum found it very hard to see me and my dh suffer only to find out later on down the IF road that i have a balanced translocation that is genetic and could have started with her or my dad, im now facing this fact with my unborn child   .  I already have a 7 month old after having icsi pgd (to wean out the bad chromosomes) she is completely normal not even a carrier like me.  


Im not being rude by this comment im really not, but there is often someone within a family unit that is seen as being a bit odd or a bit back woulds, that doesnt stop the rest of the family breeding. 


I think as Flying cat said there is a higher risk of autistic spectrum in icsi babies, my daughter had icsi pgd and iv never been worried about her having any kind of learning disability.






Personally i would just forget what your mum has said and i dont think its relevant to your IF journey and even if it was im not sure your going to get any answers.  xxxxxxxxxxx


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