# Anyone post fertility treatment and waiting to apply for adoption?



## ciacox

Hi All

I imagine I'm not the only one in my position, lurking on these threads but not quite ready to join any of them yet.

Our fertility treatment ended nearly 2 months ago when our only frozen embryo did not survive the thaw. We won't be applying until probably the end of this year. Partly because we are taking time to grieve (we need that even more than I expected) but also because we are relocating across the country in September and want to have begun to establish ourselves before we start. I'm partly frustrated that there is yet more waiting but I keep reminding myself (actually my partner keeps having to remind me) that once we (hopefully) have our little one it'll be for life, so we need to be as ready as we can be.

Would love to hear from anyone else who is a few months off getting started. Would be nice to have some 'limbo buddies'!


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## Billybeans

Hi Ciacox,
Just wanted to say Hi and wish you luck for the future adoption Journey.
I am lurking around and not quite ready to formally apply for adoption but for slightly different reasons. Our last miscarriage was 2yrs ago today and not had a pregnancy since. Our last ivf was a year or so prior to that. We are trying to sort out other areas before we proceed to adoption, we need to sort finances and do work on the house whilst hubby starts to come round to the idea. I think he is getting there slowly but waiting a few more months I hope will give him that little bit more time and of course give us time to get our little house sorted and child friendly.
xx


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## Cloudy

Hello!

We still have 2 frosties and are using them up so it will probably be this time next year before we think about applying. I feel like we are in limbo as I don't have any hopes for the embies working and we are only using them up because we went to such an effort to "make" them.

I just don't think my womb was made for motherhood in the way that my heart and mind was! I have cousins that were adopted and we had always said we wanted to adopt, but felt we needed to do our NHS one cycle of ivf as I never ever wanted to regret not trying it if we were having a bad adoption day: if that makes sense!

Have you gone to any open days? Because we are playing the "long game" we are going to try and go to every one in our area and already booked into one a month for the next few months! We are also doing some reading, just stuff like Casey Watson (is that the right person?!) and getting our house ready to sell. We are also planning a nice pre-application holiday and looking to do some basic evening classes (like children's first aid). 

I'm such a planner and this feels so right for us. Thank you for setting up this thread because I don't feel that I fit anywhere at the moment!xxx


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## ciacox

Hi Guys

Billybeans - sounds like you've been through a lot. And anniversaries can be hard. Let's hope there are happier times ahead. It must be hard with the uncertainty of your husband not being sure abut adoption. But I think you're sensible to give him space and hope he comes around in his own time. And getting your house ready sounds good in the meantime. We have to move to a new city, rent somewhere while we househunt and then buy  a place and move into it before we can think about putting in the application. Let's hope your husband and my home and child ready as soon as humanly possible!

Cloudy - yes, we've been to a couple of info evenings but putting all that on hold now until we relocate. It definitely helped us to keep going through treatment to know that there was an alternative we were excited about if things didn't work out. Having said that, now that Plan B has become Plan A it's a whole lot more real and scarier. Good luck for your FETs (you never know...).

Hope you're both enjoying the bank holiday.


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## Billybeans

Thanks ciacox,
Hope to stay in touch! For once I have a day off tomorrow! Whoop!


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## EmmieT

I'm in a bit of a limbo as well at the moment, though our background is slightly different. We have just a couple of weeks ago lost a baby at 19 weeks - before that I had 5 other miscarriages, one of which was another late one just over a year ago. We already have a 4-year-old son, but it seems nature isn't allowing us a second baby  We won't be trying again and are pretty sure we want to go down the adoption route, but it seems sensible to grieve, wait and take our time - though for now exploring adoption and thinking there may still be a future with more than one child for us is keeping me sane. We're planning to go to some open evenings over the summer, but for now it's a waiting game.


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## Cloudy

We have been to our first opening evening - it was incredible  

Both the husband and I are really excited by it and have been texting each other all week (whilst at work - tut tut) about references, ways we can save money, pre-application holiday, house move etc etc

Eeeeek!


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## Ozzycat

Hi Everyone....
well im 7 weeks post IVF which sadly ended in an eptopic pregnancy and a miscarridge with the second baby   but it also means im  4 months away from being allowed to put in an application to adopt  
Hubby is 100% behind the adoption but not quite ready to start with the adoption talks and open evenings, but hopefully in a few months we can maybe go to a few to see what the process is all about.
It sounds funny, but in a way im so relieved my IVF journey has come to an end, its been the most painful experience of my life and finally I can now close that chapter and move forward to please gd being able to have the family weve always wanted.
It will be lovely to share this journey 
xxxx


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## Cloudy

Ah Ozzycat Im so sorry for what you have been through  

I honestly think all the rubbish we have to go through will make us better stronger parents. I kind of think that although my embies didn't make it in my belly they made it in someone elses belly and our children are out there somewhere waiting for us to find them.

I think you need a bit of a break before starting - some time when you can "do what you want" for a bit without worrying about IVF/adoption. 

Xxx


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## Nicky1975

Hey lovely ladies.

This thread is a godsend to me right now. 
On Monday just gone we found out that our 3rd and final IVF cycle had to be cancelled due to very little response to the drugs. We'd had 2 NHS cycles (both failed after embryo transfers) and then the last one was privately funded. In the past I have had 3 failed IUI's too and 5 natural pregnancies which 4 ended in early miscarriage and 1 was an ectopic pregnancy where i lost my left tube.
Before the last cycle I had a womb biopsy which showed I have a high level of Natural Killer cells so was also having Intralipd treatment to try to combat those during IVF (but also shows that even if i did get pregnant naturally again I would probably lose it again  )
So anyway, we said this cycle was definitely our last chance as physically and emotionally we couldn't go through any more. 
I am very very interested and excited about the possibility of adoption. DH is a little more apprehensive, which is fine as it's only natural and it's very early days. I do think he will decide that it is the right thing but he does tend to be more of a thinker than me, i'm a DOER!  

Anyway, at the moment we've decided to just have some time out, book a holiday, we've had our house on the market for 5 months so hopefully that will sell soon and then when we've been finished with fertility treatment for 6 months hopefully we'll both be ready to apply for adoption.

Do you ladies think it's a good idea to look for open evenings and to attend one or two over the next 6 months? I'd like to get some info that we can at least look at together before we apply.

Anyway sorry for waffling, it's good to "meet" people in similar positions to us.
Have a lovely weekend all


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## Ozzycat

Hey Nicky
Im so sorry for what's happened to you, and everyone else,  ivf can work miracles and yet for others can be the most distressing,  painful experience to ever go through x
Ive been seeing a councillor to help me come to terms with all this and she suggested looking at the BAAF website. . Theyve got suggested books to read which ive just bought and some information they can send in the post.. which subsequently I found in the toilet. . (Think hubby is slowly heading in the same direction as me.. either that or he'd run out of toilet reading  
I think booking a holiday is a fab idea, for the last few weeks ive thrown all my energy into arranging a trip and today we put a deposit down for 2 weeks in burma over xmas and ny soooo excited
Anyway, just wanted to send u a hug Nicky and let u know ur not on ur own weve all been through this in some way xxx
sending everyone big hugs and have a lovely weekend now the sunshine has finally come out xx


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## Cloudy

Hey Nicky - so sorry for all you have been through. I think the good that comes out of all this sorrow is that we are going to be a determined and strong mummys - just what an adopted child/ren need  

Although it's early days I think an open evening would be a good idea. There are quite a few options of agencies these days (VAs and LAs) so quite a few to work your way through. Some want to talk to you first, some want you to book and some are just drop in evenings. For us (we went about a month after our failed FET) we chose to go to a drop in one first that didn't need an appointment to kind if build our confidence. It was so informative and interesting and they gave us a lovely long reading list to get on with!  

Xx


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## Nicky1975

ahhh, thank you so much for your replies. Sorry i'm a bit sporadic on this forum cos i only really pop on when i'm at work! (shouldn't even do that really but hey ho! )

Yeah i think i'm going to start looking for open evenings and then approach it with hubby. It's our 4th wedding anniversary tomorrow so we're off work and having a nice day together. Can't wait!  

Nice to meet you. Will definitely stay about and hopefully go through the process together. Very exciting!  

Love n hugs xxx


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## EmmieT

I've spoken to two LAs since my last post and booked open evenings for July/August with both. One of them didn't say anything about having to wait, but the other one said that we too will need to wait 6 months before formally applying. I'm not too bothered about the wait as we can still go to open evenings in that time, read and research, and I'm yet to start counselling after losing our baby.

One thing they said - which might be useful to others on this thread too - is that if you want to get on with something helpful while waiting it would be a good idea to get some childcare experience. The panels will ask for this and it looks good if you've already done something before the process, apparently. I was a bit surprised to hear that as we have our son, but they're keen for us to show evidence of experience looking after other people's children. So babysitting or volunteering at a nursery/preschool/brownies etc.


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## Jess in London

We have just finished our fertility treatment (in April) and waiting to apply. I'm hosting an information evening on Wed 4 June in Fulham with Frist 4 Adoption if anyone is interested, message me! xx


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## southy100

Hi
We finished fertility treatment in Feb. It was our second attempt but no luck and no eggs to freeze. 
Can not afford another attempt - already spent 10k plus I got the impression from the consultant that it would be a struggle.
I am 32 but he said the quality of my eggs were of a woman much older.
We had looked into adoption before IVF and really want to get the ball rolling now but have to wait until at least August. Have started to do some research. We went to an adoption information event and have got the paperwork to fill in. 
Watching all the adoption programmes on tv just recently makes it seem quite daunting and we have found ourselves trying to second guess what they might ask us.


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## Harper14

hi everyone,

I am in such a confused state of now knowing what to do or which direction to turn.

without boring everyone with the details, when we had a failed cycle in Jan i swore i wouldn't do another one, whilst i responded very well to the drugs and everything went well except the BFN the uncertainty and at that point i decided i couldn't go through it again and we looked into adoption we have been to an info night and are due to start the process next month (when our 6 months is up) but then around a month ago my dh suggested that we try again and planted the idea and we have since been looking heavily into another cycle but changing things e.g. immunes, scratch, hidden c test etc but i have this feeling that its not the right decision and where does it end surely you must always think that the "next" cycle will work and whilst i am sure somethings do have an effect i cant help but think its a massive gamble (emotionally, financially & physically) and yet again i find myself back on the adoption forums.

At what point did you all decide that the IVF journey is over and adoption is the way forward?

i have always been keen to adopt and we even considered before ivf but decided we needed to try ivf I am now so lost, i spend hours on forums researching what i can do differently but ultimately i am not sure i can go through again then when i think of adoption i feel a sense of relief and excitement whilst i am under no illusion its an easy journey its one that i have more understanding and control over if that makes sense.

x


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## Ozzycat

Hey Harper
I always wondered wether I would know when to stop ivf or wether to give it that "just one more go" ..
For me my last cycle was the best chance I had in that I finally got that amazing bfp but it was also the most scariest experience of my life when I had the eptopic and then miscarried the second baby a week later.  For me I was done.
I was done with the injections,  the worry, the sadness every time it didn't work. . I wanted my life back.
After the initial grief I actually felt relief. . Relieved that I could finally get of the ivf roller coaster and move on with my life.
It had consumed my life and my relationship for so long that I was so done with it.  I wanted some control back of my life and now im looking forward to the future and looking forward to starting the adoption process so my and hubby can finally have the family we desperately want x

Im not sure if anything ive said has helped but at least on these forums u know ur not alone and everyone in some way understands what you are going through x


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## ciacox

Hi All

sorry I haven't been around for a while but nice to see that our little group is growing. 

Harper - I could have written your post a year ago. I have to say, making decisions about whether to go for another cycle was one of the toughest parts of our TTC journey. I remember coming on this forum after our second cycle and asking adopters how they had made the decision to let go of IVF and move on. At the time, many of them said that I would know when I was ready. At the time I found that frustrating. How would I know?! But in fact, the possibility of going back for round 3 just wouldn't let go of us and eventually we went for it (and for round 4 if you count the disastrous FET). All of those treatments were horrible, expensive and ultimately didn't get us what we so desperately wanted. Having said that, I genuinely don't regret doing it. Right now, I feel very clear that we did enough and it didn't work. I do occasionally wonder what would have happened if we'd tried again but with four failed cycles under my belt I just think it wasn't for us. And it's a relief to know that and makes it much easier to go forward with the adoption plan (not the B plan, but the A road as I saw someone here call it  ). I know everyone's journey is very personal and it may well be that you are ready to let go now, but I just thought I'd share my story in case it helps.

southy - i know what you mean about watching the programmes. it's quite scary when you know it's something you'll be going through rather than just a fascinating insight into other people's lives.

Hi Jess - hope the info evening goes well next week. We are going to wait until we move before we go to more info evenings etc. Very impressed that you are getting things moving so quickly.

Emmie - it sounds like things are moving quickly for you guys. We both have quite a bit of experience with childcare but none that's very recent. I wonder if we'll have to think about topping it up...

Nicky - welcome. so sorry for everything you've been through. i too have a partner who needs to let things percolate for a while and i just want everything to happen right now. we're trying to meet in the middle but it's not easy! glad i have this forum so that i can read and plan with other people!

Ozzy - hope things are going well.

Ladies - I just need to share with you that today I feel optimistic. I'm gradually working through the grief for our birth child and gearing up for the next adventure. And I know that adoption will probably take ages and be very frustrating but at least it's not a journey with a million dead ends like IVF was for us. And between now and when we find our little one we can do so many things we couldn't do during treatment: enjoy a bit of booze, spend money on holidays, chuck the folic acid in the bin, enjoy being with our partners (and a sex life free from the heartbreak of thinking about infertility), buy clothes with the freedom not to think/hope we won't be able to wear them because we might be pregnant soon, plan holidays without worrying that we might be too pregnant to fly/cycle/water-ski whatever. And so much more! Before we know it, we'll all be in the throes of adoption prep groups/home study/waiting for a link and things will get tough again. So this is our moment! Would love to hear what everyone else is planning on enjoying now that you're free of the IVF monster.


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## Jess in London

Hey Ciacox,

Yes, I'm glad to have the six months to wait while I properly get my head around everything, but also keen to find out more info while we wait. My DH has been desperate to move on to adoption for ages, so it's just a case of me catching up really. Different for him though since we were using a male donor, so the step to adoption is less distinct... Also he's always had a clear diagnosis, but I find it harder since they still have no idea why IVF doesn't mostly work for me... 

I'd agree about knowing when to move on. We still have 3 frosties and I never thought I could stop with any left, but we've done 12 cycles of treatment (IUI, IVF and FETs)... I honestly can say I can't face doing any more, finally I can say that even without a diagnosis I can finally accept that for whatever reason it's not in my fate to have my own biological, surviving children...

Adoption will be a long journey too, but one that I can see leading us to our dream to have a family. 

Best of luck to all of you, whatever path you are currently on.

Xx


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## southy100

Feeling down today.
Just found out that one of my close friends is 3 months pregnant. Really pleased for her but also served as a reminder of all the things I will never have. Now, got myself into a zone of negativity - worrying that social workers will pick at every little thing, they'll say no to us adopting. etc etc. 
I know it's stupid - I just can't seem to shift my mood.
Anyone else had experience of how they dealt with this kind of situation?


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## ciacox

Hi Southy

I think we've all been there. I think pregnancy announcements are the hardest things to deal with - I actually find it much easier when it comes to the time to cuddle someone's newborn. Hearing that a friend is pregnant feels like being kicked in the stomach. In terms of dealing with it, I'm not sure I have. All I can say os that it's now happened so many times that I know the pattern: I feel totally awful for a few days, and it gradually begins to lift the more I get used to the idea. I guess now I just keep the faith that I have to push through the horrible feelings and that I will start to feel better. In the meantime, come on here and moan. It has really helped me to know that this is a super common feeling for those of us for whom babymaking is difficult or impossible. I used to feel like a horrible person for the dark thoughts I had about good friends but now I know I'm not alone it helps.

I'm hoping that as I move further from the IVF nightmare and closer to a whole new adventure I will feel this less. We have something amazing ahead of us, and I actually think that some of our friends will be envious of the incredible (and tough) adoption adventure. I think it's totally normal after everything you've been through to worry that adoption won't work out. I worry about that too. But I keep reminding myself that the odds are so much better than fertility treatment. Keep the faith!

xxx


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## ciacox

Me again! Was just wandering around the other threads and found the below quote from someone a few months ahead of us (doing prep group I think):
_
Someone at work announced a pregnancy today, and it was amazing to be part of the genuinely happy clappy group for the first time in 10 years. Adoption is the best thing ever - we are all pregnant in our hearts... And we can still have a glass of wine! Win win!!_

Roll on that feeling! xxx


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## southy100

Hi Ciacox,
Thank you so much for your response.  It's really cheered me up!.
Last night, my first thought after finding out my friend's news was that I was a horrible person for the thoughts I had, when I know that my situation is nobody's fault. I had my night of tears but do know that negativity will get me nowhere and I am on the positive side today, thinking about all the good things that are ahead of us. 
I think I know that they will be that gut wrenching feeling everytime I hear the news that someone is pregnant but I know that will pass. 
Sometimes you feel that things work out for everyone else and it must be me that is being punished so it is nice to be able to come on this forum and put down how I feel. It's much harder with friends, who all know the ins and outs of my life. 
Looking forward to August when I can get the ball rolling!


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## ellej74

hi everyone , im new to this thread . have been following the adoption board for a while . We had our 3rd icsi in feb - it was another bfn. We were both devastated as had thrown everything at it and hoping 3rd time lucky. Since then have had my 40th , we got engaged, had some amazing times together and with friends and not thought so much about getting pregnant . 
We have spoken a lot about adoption , and oh is fully on board . I am 90% there , the thought of doing another ivf cycle fills me with so much stress and anxiety and I feel Ive put my body through enough .Also im 40(!!) I also feel me and oh are in the best place we have been for 3 years, not constantly thinking about treatment , getting pg, tests , not drinking , you all know the score Im sure . 
We know we want to have a family and how that happens is maybe not as important as I once thought...but there is still a part of me that aches when I find out someone else is pregnant. I know we would be fab parents to some little ones and think have exhausted internet research so next is enquiries and open evenings I guess.. feeling scared but excited. anyway , just saying hi and lots of love and luck to everyone xx Elle


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## CyprusBride

Hi everyone, I'm a little bit further on than some as me and DH have applied to adopt.

I read your posts and upsetting stories that mean we can't be parents in the way we'd have planned to but a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for you.... I am finding the adoption process SO empowering and positive. The monthly arrival of AF, the prodding and poking, the pain- physical and emotional, the apathetic look of doctors, the jealousy, the anxiety, the devastation and depression- all of this related to infertility is all soooo draining and negative.

I hope you find, as i have, that adoption, should it become the right path for you is a far more pleasant one. For me at least focussing on what i can bring to parenthood rather than what i _don't have_ physically to become a parent feels like a breath of fresh.

Stay strong, take the time to decide what's best and good luck with your paths ladies (and gents if I've missed any)


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## Ozzycat

Hi ladies,  well weve started the ball rolling and ive been to an information evening with first4adoption which was great and ive spent the morning on the phone booking places on information evenings with my LA and with an independent adoption agency and although both were so lovely and positive im now feeling pretty sad.
Both have told me that I probably won't be able to adopt a child under 2 as they just arnt available,  and they are only willing to take on people who wont to adopt the children they have available (I.e u can't sit on their books and wait for a baby).. and although it doesn't change my want to adopt it makes me so sad to know im going to miss out on those "baby years"..

Just wondering how u guys have felt about this? ?
And if ur facing the same situation. ...
Have a lovely weekend
Ozzy xxx


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## Princesica

Hello all, 

I wanted to join this thread as we are 2dp BFN, 1st IVF cycle (NHS Funded) but adoption was always the priority for us anyway - we felt as if we had to give IVF a shot as it was funded. 

At the moment i am devastated, scared of 'feeling' what i know i should be which is acceptance of the fact its all over and i will never carry my own child. Me and DP will be using the 6 x months to really think if we can take this adoption process all the way but right now it is too raw and painful. 

Im 35 - fertility issues are all mine, i have to leave the decison with DP about if to try again for another round of IVF as i cannot take that away from him, its not fair. We have a review appointment on the 14th July with the hospital which im sure will give us some information but i think i am really keen on letting it lie and moving onto adoption. 

I have been reading all of your posts and im pleased to be joining this 'limbo' thread, but i am so sorry to be reading all of your painful stories. You are all, truely amazing women and your focus and positivity is a real comfort. 

I was thinking about looking at an adoption open evening - what do they do? Do they take name/address details etc and follow you up or is it all 'informal'? 

Id hate to think we give all the details and then DP decides it is IVF again and I have to reluctantly say sorry. 

Also - in response to Ozzycat, i know this process means you have to be 100% true to what you really want when you apply for adoption but i have always been made aware the chances of getting a baby are very slim. Have you tried other agencies in your area? 
Sorry if you think im speaking out of turn - im very new to this and by no means wish to offend! 

xxxx


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## ciacox

Hi All!

Princesica - I'd say definitely go to an info evening. We went to them during our treatment. It was very informal. They did ask for details at one and send a follow up email but we were still thinking and just didn't respond. They'll be used to people in your situation coming along. For us, it was really helpful to know more about the adoption road so that - if and when it was ours to take - it wouldn't feel like a complete unknown. This is super early days for you goes post BFN. Take some tie, take care of each other, and have faith that in time you will know what the best next move is. xxx

Ozzycat - nice one on getting started. Bet it all feels a bit more real now. I'm not surprised you feel sad about the over twos thing. I did too when I read your post. Although I was told at one info evening we went to that they hardly ever matched children under 2, I've still been kind of imagining that we will get a younger one. Missing out on the baby years is a big thing, and it is like another layer of grief on top of what we've already been through. What I don't understand though is why so many people on this forum have adopted children under 2...? Is there a secret we don't know about? xxx

CyprusBride - thanks so much for your post. It's so good to hear that you are having a positive experience xxx

Elle - welcome! and good luck with the process. Strange to think that we may all be getting to know each other as we become parents!

As for me - just back from a weekend exploring the new city we'll be moving to in September. It was exciting to be there and to be imagining our new home. Found myself looking at parks and streets and imagining myself walking along with a child on each hand. xxx

PS - Happy fathers day to all our partners and future fathers of our little ones xxx


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## Harper14

Hey ladies,

I am still very much in limbo, I would say that 80% of me wants to start the adoption process and I have taken on board all your kind words and advice with regards to knowing when you are ready, thing is I really do feel ready it’s just there is this very small part of me that thinks we only gave treatment one shot (there was no reason to why it didn’t work, I had great blasts (still have some in the freezer) responded well to treatment it just wasn’t our time) and I guess that is what is making the decision harder as I have been heavily researching ways to increase our chances and that makes me positive but then I remember the feeling of when it failed and I really don’t think I am strong enough to keep going through with it!!

I am really encouraged by all your positive stories and whilst I know that there is a lot of uncertainty with adoption I also feel a sense of certainty that its a chapter closed on the IVF gamble and a process that we can understand and light at the end of the tunnel but it’s hard to decide whether to do one more treatment (but when is one enough??) enjoy our lives, enjoy our BC and enjoy the adoption process of enter into the lottery and uncertainty of IVF??

What is worrying me is what some have you have just said on the thread that babies are not available I have spoken to our LA and VA and both have said that they do have quite a few babies coming through and they tend to place them at the moment at 8 months (I am not holding out for a small baby but as we have a 4 year old BC we need between 0-2) which makes me worry that they are just telling me this. I have found it so encouraging that so many on this forum have successfully adopted under 2’s and hoped the same would be the case for us otherwise it’s a total waste of time as we would not be allowed an older child.

Also I was never aware that you couldn’t stay on the “books” surely you are on the “books” until the right match is available whether its 3 weeks or 3 years? Can any one advise?

X


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## Ozzycat

My best best friend who's been there for me through all of this and has been my rock and my go-to person when someone announces a pregnancy has just told me shes pregnant. ..
A bottle of wine,  a packet of cigarettes (I don't smoke) and endless tears...
When does this become less painful? 
When do u stop looking for answers and asking why me??
Every time you feel like ur moving forward 
Sorry, needed to get that off my chest
Xxxxxxx


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## Keeping busy

Can I join you ladies? This feels like the right place for me. Hubby and I have been talking about adoption for over a year.  We've been to 2 intro evenings and last August meet with a social worker.  Then last September did a no regrets final ivf cycle but because the clinic had a deal, on by one get one nearly free, did another one in December.  That ended in our 4th pregnancy and miscarriage. We are about to do a FET, our only one, but in my heart of hearts I know it won't work.  My body has already killed 4 babies so why will this be different.  We are only doing it because we have frosties to use and don't want to be left thinking 'what if?'. However,  I just feel frustrated by it because I know it means delaying applying to adopt and I truly believe adoption is the way to our family. So the plan for us is FET beginning of July, holiday in September, skiing over Christmas and put in formal application of interest in January and just hope they don't worry about one month   will read back and find out where you are all at
KB xx


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## Keeping busy

Ozzycat, just read your post, massive hugs hun. It sucks big style xxxxxxxx


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## Forgetmenot

Keeping busy, we were in the same position as you.  We had our last tx jan/feb and I phoned up in April.  We spoke to them and they came out and said we were ok.  We had a very long journey etc but allowed to express interest etc.  so it's worth a call.  We have two la, one anti one fine.  I think you know where you are at in terms of grieving etc.  I think as I had finished counselling etc maybe.  Wish you the best of luck xx

I haven't read back so apologies.  I think listen to your heart, you know when you know you are ready.

Good luck everyone xx


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## Keeping busy

Thanks Forgetmenot. Where are you in the process now? Xx


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## Forgetmenot

Waiting to finish stage 1.... Waiting for medicals to be re reviewed x

Feel free to message xx


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## Keeping busy

How exciting forgetmenot, thank you xx


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## Macgyver

Hi guys,


I thought I would just reply to say I was also once in your boat and know how you feel.
I had two icsi Ivf and sadly became a mum up to three angels. I was heart broken after loosing the 2nd pregnancy, but knew I couldn't put my dh or myself through anymore heartache. We had talked about adoption before the 1st cycle. As my dh put it 'there are lots of children without mummy and daddies and we are a mummy and daddy without a child' 
Here we are a couple of years later with a lovely active and healthy little boy. (Aka monster) and it like he has always been here with us. Nothing is going to change the fact that he is our son and we love him so so much.


Stay strong and your dreams will come true xxx


----------



## ciacox

Hi All

Welcome Keeping Busy! xxx

Macgyver - thanks so much. It's really lovely to hear that.

Ozzycat - ouch. I'm so sorry. I hope it will get easier one day. We are here to listen to all the ranting and shouting you need to do. Pregnancy announcements bring all the grief and pain right up in your face. So hard when we are trying to be positive and gear up for a new adventure. Take heart from Macgyver's post. I've read so many people on this forum saying that they are so happy that adoption became the path for them and they wouldn't look back. I'm trying to keep the faith that that will be the case for us one day to. In the meantime, I feel your pain. My friend is pregnant and when I'm with her I actively avoid looking at her stomach.. xxx


----------



## Keeping busy

Ciacox, I am currently actively avoiding a pregnant friend as I struggled seeing her bump last time I saw her knowing that if my 5 cycle had worked I'd have been due around the same time. It really is tough.

Macgyver, thank you for sharing,  I really hope I'll be in your position soon

Hey to everyone else

Xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Thanku ladies for ur words of understanding and support. . It helps knowing my feelings are "normal"
Im gonna just have to man-up and deal with this a few months sooner then I was perhaps ready too x

On a positive and very exciting note we have booked 2 information evenings now.. one with coram in July and one with our LA in August,  and both me and hubby are really excited. . Ive even got my head around having a slightly older child and believe whatever child we are lucky enough to have join our family was always meant to become part of our lives x

The suns shinning,  hope everyone has a lovely weekend,  and thanku again xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Very excited. .. 1st information evening tomorrow night with the VA.. nervous,  excited.. just finished trying on my 4th outfit!!
Finally getting passed my "cant be around children" phase and spending time with my friends with young children,  and I look at their little ones and im just so excited that please gd that will be me and hubby very soon  

How is everyone else doing? 
Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Ozzycat hope the info evening goes well  exciting times ahead. Good luck with your journey xx


----------



## Keeping busy

Good luck ozzy cat xx


----------



## Cloudy

Hope you got on ok Ozzycat - they are so exciting! We have been to three, the first two (VA and LA) were brill but the 3rd was rubbish! We were really surprised because it's supposedly a well rated VA, but I am so glad it wasn't our first open evening or else I think we would have been very misinformed and confused!  

Hope everyone else is ok, we are back doing treatment so our adoption dreams are on hold, but we are still going to open evenings and reading loads of books!xxx


----------



## Keeping busy

Hey all, so our frozen embryos didn't stick which means it is full steam ahead with adoption for us. Well as full steam ahead as it can be when they insist on you waiting a few month before you can start anything. Hope everyone else is ok xxx


----------



## ciacox

Hi there Keeping Busy

I'm so sorry that it didn't work out. The stress of IVF is horrific - of course we'd accept it if we got the outcome we wanted but when we don't it's hard to accept. I hope you guys are doing lots of nice things together to start healing the wounds.

Welcome to the adoption adventure! Or, in our case limbo land... I'm not expecting to apply before the end of the year (more like early next year, as we are relocating to a new city in September). There's a whole load more stress to come but at least we can feel confident there is a happy ending in sight. And before you get started, make the most of this time in between major stresses!

xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## buddy01

Hi all

Just completed my 3rd IVF/ICSI this week and yet another fail.  That is the end of the road for me as regards IVF and am now thinking about adoption.  I have already approached Barnardo's for information.  I know it is early but I feel I need to focus on something positive right now.  I know there will be a few months wait and that's ok.  

Will be lovely to chat to other ladies on here.
Jane x


----------



## Keeping busy

Hi Jane, sorry about your BFN but welcome to waiting to adopt. We are too. I'm excited about it xxx


----------



## buddy01

Thanks 'Keeping busy'   What stage are you at?  Are you starting soon?  

Jane x


----------



## Keeping busy

We had a BFN Tuesday with our frozen embryos. We've been talking about adoption for a long time and said if these didn't work no more treatment. Have been in contact with our local VA who we met with last August and hoping to start in November xx


----------



## buddy01

Keeping busy - sorry to hear about your BFN on Tuesday.  Tuesday was also the day I realised my final IVF had not worked as AF came although I still have to do the test tomorrow (pointless really).  Not long for you starting then, that's really great.  I have only made initial enquiries with Barnardo's but feel I am at least doing something 

Keep in touch, you are always welcome to pm me too at anytime x

Jane


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## Ozzycat

Keeping busy, buddy
Im soooooo sooooooo sorry sending u massive hugs xxx
Our va opening evening was great and although we can't make an official application until September they are letting us have our pre interview on the 11th August
So during the day we have our interview with the va and then in the evening we have our la open evening. .
Me and hubby are finally comot to terms with our loss and are now focusing on adoption and were sooooooo excited x
Sending everyone hugs xxxxx


----------



## 97762

Glad to have found this thread.  Did not want to post our news on the 2WW thread as I felt it would worry people on there.  We had our scan yesterday expecting to find out if one or both of our embies had taken only to find that there was a sac but no sign of a baby.  We had no idea as still no bleed or any other signs it had failed.  Told to come off meds and wait for a natural bleed or call our local hospital next week for further scans, blood tests and a D&C if it has not happened naturally.  We are both devastated and feel that this part of the journey has ended.  We do not want to go through this heartbrake again.  

Have already discussed adoption prior to this IVF treatment and 9 years of trying and will in time approach this option.  But for now just trying to accept what has happened and come to terms with the situation.  I cant believe the only time I have ever been pregnant has ended so suddenly.  

Buddy I have read your posts when I was following the last thread.  I hope you are ok.  Sorry to hear everyone who has had the same devastation.


----------



## Macgyver

I just wanted to say welcome to everyone and so sorry to hear you bfn's   


J & J I wrote the same post you have in 2010    So sorry sweetie, if you need to talk please don't hesitate to pm me


----------



## Keeping busy

Jj so sorry to read your news. I know the heartache of miscarriage following ivf. Sending hugs xxx


----------



## buddy01

J and J  I am so sorry to read your news too, I have found out myself how heartbreaking this process is.  However I think time is going to help and perhaps looking at other options when and if you feel ready.  Thinking of you.

Love Jane xx


----------



## 97762

Thank you ladies for your support.  I know I am not going through this alone as many of you will have had a similar experience.  I came off the medication on Friday but still no bleed.  We have booked an appointment at the EPC for Thursday as this was the earliest they can see us.  I think they will carry out another scan but I am really hoping they offer the surgical option as I really just want this over with.  

Work have been fantastic so having time at home to be with my own thoughts and feelings.  

So hard for family to understand as well.  Everyone really supportive but its hard for them to know what to say especially when I feel that some think that we will go on to try again and just think that when I say we are now done with IVF they think that I am just saying that cos of how we feel now.  

Any advise for moving on from this is welcome.
xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi JJ
I know it's a cleshie but u need time x
Time to grieve,  time together as a couple,  time to accept that this is whats happened to u and then the hardest part. .. time to come to terms with the fact that u can't have ur own "natural" children...
This process is so so painful but it is true that every day gets a little easier. 
For me I started to feel more positive when I finally decided that I couldn't do any more ivf and that adoption was the way forward. 

I still have sad days and get upset seeing pregnant women and cry every time theres a pregnancy announcement but now the tears are less and the pain easier to deal with. 

Im now finding I want to spend time with my friends with children as its teaching me how to interact with children and I can promise you this.. now me and hubby are on the adoption route we are SOOOOOO
super excited and I really cant wait to finally be a mummy. .
You will get there and u will start feeling less pain, it just takes time and one day at a time xxxxxxx


----------



## buddy01

Ozzycat - excellent advice.  I am also coming to terms with the fact that I am unlikely to have my own 'natural' children but looking into adoption and it's really keeping me positive.  It is still hard like you say seeing families and pregnant women but I think this will get easier in time.

Jane xx


----------



## Keeping busy

Morning all, how is everyone doing?  I'm starting to feel bored of waiting all ready.  Good job we have a holiday booked for September to help pass the time xx


----------



## Cloudy

Hey KP! We are currently having a (disasterous) FET - although we are seriously discussing chucking the towel in and moving onto adoption now!

Anyway, what I was going to say was that we feel we are "waiting" to apply and have been for months and months. I started off reading every book I could by Casey Watson, adoption, fostering etc. Now I have decided to read every book I probably won't be able to read when we are applying or have young children: basically scary Stephen King stuff!

I'm with you on the holiday thing though - I have said that in our 6 months (or however long we feel we need) between BFN and applying we are having a nice holiday! Where are you off?

Xxx


----------



## Keeping busy

Hey Cloudy, I'm sorry your FET isn't going well  . I've been reading Casey Watson etc for years, think I've read them all! We are off to Italy and I can't wait   let us know what happens with your FET xx


----------



## Guest

Hi I hope you don't mind me butting into this thread   I don't know if/when me & my DH will apply for adoption, but we have said we'll give ttc ourselves til the end of the year before pursuing the adoption route. When people have suggested it to me or family members been impatient that I've not pursued it already, I get upset, as I've wanted to have a child of my own first, even tho we have talked about adopting a sibling (not sure I can handle much more pregnancy & miscarriage trauma/stress!) 

I've had 3 miscarriages and it's my 40th birthday next week. Our FET (1 frozen from IVF this spring) got put back 12 months after I conceived by surprise last month - a blighted ovum! I feel really exhausted and drained   It took me a long time to meet someone I felt I could have a family with and sadly it's been so hard since we've been together   I hope things ease up soon as I feel so unhappy and work is really hard going. Sorry for a negative post, I guess I still need to recover from the D&C I had last Monday!

Wishing everyone lots of luck and I'm sorry you've had any fertility difficulties. I'm sure challenges make us stronger in the long run, as well as wiser & potentially kinder!   xx


----------



## Macgyver

Merlin13 I wanted to send you    I have been through a similar journey to yours sweetie and I know how hard it is on your body both physically and emotionally.
Only you and your dh know when you are ready for the adoption journey.  I will say give yourselves time to grieve. We waited a year after our last mc before applying with our la.  We then found out they wouldn't have let us proceed if we applied any sooner as they do like a year after the last tx.
Some authorities are ok with 6 months but that is something you will need to ask them when you make that first call.
Good luck sweetie and if you want to pm me please feel free.


----------



## Billybeans

Hugs everyone!
This in between stage is a frustrating a lonely place to be in isn't it. No real direction. Wanting to tell people but not doing as the future is so unclear. Anyone else feel like this? I've felt like I'm in this "stuck in a rut" stage for a very long time now. I need to see light at the end of that dark tunnel.


----------



## Guest

Thank you very much Macgyver   I had a drs appt yesterday and he wrote me a sick note so I can have a couple of week's rest. I'm so relieved! It seems so frowned on in society to show any signs of not coping and that's so unfair. I agree time for grieving is important too xx

Billybeans wishing you lots of light shining out at you from the tunnel faster than you think   xx


----------



## buddy01

Merlin13 - I am in a similar situation, I am 40 in September and I have not had children yet.  Tried IVF 3 times bit it failed.  Now looking into adoption and hope to apply Jan/Feb next year as need a break between IVF and adoption.  I know I have to wait but doing a lot of reading about it on websites and in books, helps to keep positive.

All the best and pm me if you ever want to.  I shall keep any eye on this thread.

Jane x


----------



## K8O

Hi all

Can I join you?  Been through 2 fresh and 5 frozen cycles and I'm beat both emotionally and physically.  We both said our last FET would be the last one because I don't think either of us could cope with another cycle.  So after 8 years of ttc it is time to move on.  Have a holiday booked for Sept and then another for January for our tenth anniversary so will be looking to apply early next year I think.  There are a few information days in Oct with our LA, a bordering LA and an agency.  We haven't mentioned it to anyone yet because if we decide it's not for us or we aren't ready then I don't want more questions and disappointment.  So that's me!  Looking forward to chatting with you all as we start our new journey.

I've started to read and recently finished no matter what by Sally Donovan.  An eye opener and made me laugh and cry, scared me but also gave me hope and a bit of excitement that one day we may be lucky enough to have a family.  Would definately recommend it.

Kxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey lovely ladies, hope everyone has had a lovely weekend.  Welcome KBO x
Well tomorrow is our initial interview with our va in the morning and then the information evening with our la in the evening. . Soooo nervous but super excited. . Fingers crossed I don't say anything wrong


----------



## Keeping busy

Good luck Ozzycat xx


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## Keeping busy

Welcome KBO, we are going on hols sept and January too, help to pass the time waiting xx


----------



## Billybeans

Hi K80. Welcome! You appear to be similar to me. Same age & ttc for same length of time. I'm so sorry your dreams having come true as yet. I hope adoption is the answer to your prayers! Good luck.
Hi everyone else. Hugs.   Xx


----------



## Confused84

Hi all, I've been readling this thread for a while.

We had our 1st IVF in May which was successful but ended in m/c at 9 weeks (no frosties).  I really don't want to have another cycle and both DH and I are set on adoption and i am actually scared of it working again in case i have another m/c.  However, after lots of thinking we are doing 1 last fresh cycle in September (just to avoid the "what ifs") and then we can get moving for the adoption process (when the IVF fails which i am certain it will).

I just wondered whether the LA's and VA's are adamant on the 6 month wait?  If they can see you have dealt with your grief etc are they willing to be a little lenient?

thanks x


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi ladies,  loads to report back on from my end.. and confused, in answer to your question. . Yes they will take you on b4 the 6 mont wait much to our absolute delight!

On Monday we had our initial interview with the voluntary agency who were great and wanted to sign us up and start that day but the same day we had the information evening with our local authority so we went along to that and we loved them and pretty much skipped out of there. 

We completed all the paperwork for an initial visit (including references) emailed it over Wednesday,  Thursday they called and we have a meeting at our house with them on Tuesday. . And tjey were also happy to start the process with us b4 the 6month wait. 

Were sooooooo super excited,  for all of u who feel low and down being in the ivf bubble. . I promise you there is life after ivf and I can't wait to start it x

Sending u all lots of hugs xxxx


----------



## Keeping busy

Ozzy cat, whoop whopp, how exciting,  hopefully we won't be too far behind you,  hoping to start process with a VA in October 

Confused,  I know exactly how you feel. We had a lot of ivf and miscarriages and the fear of another one for me meant I almost felt a sense of relief when I got my last bfn and knew that was it, no kore treatment.  Good luck

Xxx


----------



## Cloudy

Ozzycat - wow! That's brilliant news, love that you will probably be the first of us to "graduate" (unless someone else has already started - i have busereline brain so not sure!) x

Keeping busy - ooh, I love Italy, we went to Florence last year and Naples and Venice this year - hopefully Rome next. Glad you have such a lovely holiday lined up x

Confused - we have been to 3 open evenings and they were all of the same view that every person needs different time between treatment and starting adoption. They said they will accept less than 6 months, but sometimes people need a few extra months if it's apparent that a "rest" would help them x

K80 - welcome and glad you have some holidays to look forward to and to help distract you whilst you wait x

Merlin - hope you are ok honey, sending you lots of gentle hugs   take all the time that you need because in 2 years time you won't look back and think you were off for too long x

Billy & Buddy - hope you are both ok x

We are back on track for our FET after a few delays where we nearly gave it up and cashed in the ISAs for a big "Post-IVF, Pre-Adoption" blow out holiday, but things are a bit more calm; though we are still feeling ready and excited to get on with our lives. Getting the house valued so hopefully we can sell up and move to my little dream house i have fallen in love with  

Xxx


----------



## southy100

Hi everyone.
Our 6 month wait is up and we just sent our initial enquiry form off to the LA.
Hopefully we will hear something back next week and can really start the ball rolling!


----------



## Guest

Southy how exciting and good luck! Bet it feels great to be about to actively do things!

Cloudy thank you very much xx it has been a difficult time and my energy levels still really need building up! I'm interested to hear you may not need 6 months but I definitely come in the category of needing some rest at the moment! Good luck with selling your house!

Keeping busy October isn't far off   Once my DH's family have been to stay next month I might start looking around!

Ozzycat thats so nice to hear! Are you going with your LA then? Glad you feel happy  

Confused good luck withstood next cycle. I'm probably going to hold onto my FET for a bit (partly cos no choice after if being set back 12 mths by the clinic/NHS and partly cos it's not like an egg that can age, so thought might as well). We 're thinking of adoption prior to the FET as we can do that afterwards when the pressure is hopefully off.

Billy beans and K80 wishing you good luck with things  

Buddy I reached 40 and didn't get sucked into a black hole, so there is hope   Hope you have a nice 40th. I should get some books too...

Anyone else take care & BW xxx


----------



## buddy01

Hi all

I hope everyone is doing ok and things are progressing on the adoption front.  Been doing lots of reading, ordered books and got books from the library.  All helps.  We have our info evening at VA on 1 Sept so not long now.

Love to all
Jane


----------



## Harper14

hi everyone, I did join this thread before but then DH and i decided to do another round of IVF (not yet had the result but I am not holding out much hope) so looks like we can finally close that chapter and move on to adoption.

If i am being honest I was there 6 months ago but DH needed one last round although is totally on board.

Our LA need 6 months but our VA (adopters for adoption) say we can apply straight away but my worry is we need a young (0-2) non hard to place child due to our BC (age 4) and i worry that the VA will not have these children available, does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this or can advise me?

obviosuly I am keen to get started but for the sake of 6 months to have a larger chance of getting the right child then its worth the wait.

Thanks in advance x


----------



## Sidd

Hello ladies, I hope you are all keeping well..I have a question but I think it may sound abit silly...
How long do you have to wait after a bfn to apply for adoption? 
We're on our last try of ivf and to be honest I think adoption may be the route for us...but I'm just not sure how long we'd have to wait before we could get the adoption process started? Is it a long process? 
I'm really sorry if my questions sound silly..thank you in advance x


----------



## Guest

Hi Sidd, I think it is 6 months, but have read here somewhere that it can sometimes be less. Voluntary organisations & local authorities can differ, so you may have to check with a few? I'm sure others here can advise better. All the best x


----------



## Sidd

Thank you Merlin x


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi Sidd, well I can confirm that you can start ur application b4 the 6 month wait.. if u read my last few posts ull see were well on our way even though our 6 months wouldn't be up until the end of Sept x
We had the LA over for 3hrs last week and they even did the home h&s check,  very surreal being told about cupboard locks and baby gates! 
She's recommending we be progressed to stage 1,  the board meet on Tuesday and then just waiting for the call to say what happens next  
Very exciting x
Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend x


----------



## Sidd

Thank you so much for your advice ozzycat..it's all such a scary process but I've been thinking of it for a while now..my body is gettin tired :-(
I will have a read through at the previous posts thank you
Really glad your meeting went well and hope that you can progress through the stages really smoothly. 

Hope your weekend has been good..thank you again x


----------



## buddy01

Hi Ozzycat

That's great that you have started!  My IVF finished about a month ago and although we are due to attend an info evening at our local adoption agency we were advised to wait and apply about next February.  I am doing lots of reading in the meantime but really want to make a start on it!!

Jane x


----------



## Helend75

Hello all
I think I may well end up here. I started thinking of adoption as an 'alternative' means to having a family last summer & have been browsing diaries from afar since. We had to that point had one unsuccessful IVF. Since then we had a second attempt and I swore blind that I wouldn't do a third - right up until I got the carrot on the stick of a BFP. Baby measured consistently small however & at 9 1/2 weeks there was no heartbeat.
I had a third attempt this summer (& this time I really meant final) & again got a BFP. My scan last week showed though that there was nothing in the sac. I've had bloods (very slowly rising) & am expecting a second scan next week but have been given no reason to think that this will be successful.

Everyone (health professionals) is advising against rash decisions but I need a plan! I spoke with OH this morning & asked if adoption was still an option (we watched the channel 4 & the itv programmes that have been on in the last year with a view to learning more about the process. I need him to look into it some more as his fears are (& from what I've read his fears are unfounded I should add...): 
- that once you start working with a bureaucratic organisation you'll end up being 'pushed' into agreeing things you don't want to
- the 'unknown' quantity that is an adopted child

OH has told nobody other than his dad about treatment however & I don't know if maybe it's related to a whole male ego thing (a lot has come out of the woodwork since initial investigations including immune issues but the starting point was male factor). My network of close family & friends know about the previous miscarriage and/or treatments - my philosophy is that I would never want for anyone to think that we'd been too wrapped up in ourselves to include children in our lives; that I'd want people to know that we'd tried & been unsuccessful. I don't know if this also maybe is niggling at OH (though accept also that it's early days & the current status of this pregnancy is in limbo - that he couldn't hide entering into adoption?

I had thought we were both on the same page. What I've asked is that in a couple of months time he agrees to attend an information evening with me.
When I've been honest with myself I have admitted to wanting a BFN on this cycle so that I could draw a line under treatment & move on. Now it's going to drag out for a couple of weeks longer & I'll be no further forward for it.

I maintain that OH & I can make great parents and provide a family. Yes, I'd love to have had my own child but I cannot bear this waiting & pain any longer. I'm exhausted. The time, energy & money that has gone into making me this miserable has been quite considerable...

I've obviously got to resolve the issue of my current pregnancy/suspected miscarriage before I throw myself into this forum, but have any of you advice on what your men-folk read?


----------



## Guest

Hi Helen, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, sorry to hear you're still in an uncertain place   I hope things go ok and maybe have a nice surprise or otherwise find that nice surprise a little bit further ahead with lots of happiness in the future! 

We had IVF mainly due to male factor as well, so can understand how hard it is for men too. However after 3 MCs I've been feeling really worn out & not sure I can stand much more of it! My DH is ok about the idea of adopting thankfully (maybe I'm more uncertain than him) and I'm sure others here will have some ideas re approaching it with your OH. It's very understandable though and I'm sure a lot of people have started off hesitant or not wanting to think adoption but then later very happy they did. All the best xx

Jane I hope time goes quickly for you between now & Feb!   xx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi ladies


Helen - sending you   Sweetie, I do hope you get some good news when you have your next scan.     You may find with regards to your OH you may find that's once you have both been to the information he will feel more relaxed. My OH had reservations about adoption until he went to the info evening. I think you are right about it being a man thing as my OH didn't talk to anyone about our Ivf cycles, miscarriages etc.
I think some men do have a hard time with showing their emotions. 


Sidd - as the others had said some agency's say 6 months, but it does depend on the agency as we were asked to wait 12 months after our last cycle.
Good luck   


Ozzycat - congratulations on being accepted to stage 1.   


Harper - from what I have read a va get paid by la to help place children which they are having a harder time to place. The best thing I can say is to ask your va how many children in the age group you are considering they have placed in the last year and how many of those were classed as 'harder to place children'   


Buddy - I hope feb comes around fast for you sweetie   


I wanted to wish everyone all the best, and say stay strong ladies


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi all, we,ve just contacted our local authority adoption agency, so we are newbies to all of this . We had failed IVF in March but we feel ready to adopt. Can any one give me some advice. My husband has bipolar. Will this prevent us from adopting or does it really go on the opinion of your GP at your medical? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance   x


----------



## buddy01

Hi Alliwant

That is an interesting question.  I would think that it is down to the doctor and his medical.  Hopefully if it is controlled there won't be a problem.  We haven't started our adoption proceedings yet but we face a similar issue.

Will be interesting to see what people think on here.  Good luck.

Jane


----------



## Macgyver

Hi alliwant1

I do know another adoptive couple where one of them suffers with bipolar so it is possible.

I have seen this link that might be if some interest

http://bipolar.about.com/od/adoption/a/uc_adoption3_2.htm

Good luck with your journey.


/links


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi Jane & Mcgyver. Thank you so much for your replies  ... Husbands condition is controlled very well by medication and he is able to work 2 part-time jobs. Both involve dealing with the public so hopefully, fingers crossed, this wont be a barrier. Thanks so much for the link mcgyver. Its lovely to share with people who are or have been on the same journey   Thanks again x


----------



## Alliwant1

Lol!! Think i need to leave a few spaces after I use an emoticon!!!


----------



## Alliwant1

and then it rectified itself so now i look


----------



## Helend75

Hello, I wrote a little while ago to say that although I was open to the idea of adoption OH had reservations. Well a conversation this evening has been very revealing.
OH's dad came today & I won't knock it. We moved at the beginning of April, his mother will never come to the house and today was his dad's first visit. 
We've chatted this evening & he said he has chatted to his dad about 'things'.

He surprised me by saying he doesn't think he wants to go through ivf again (time & heartache) but does think it's a good idea to look at adoption. 
I don't disagree but feel very sad (to be expected I think), if we are to definitively say that we won't be trying for biological children. I can see why the adoption agencies need you to grieve that loss.
He's not ruled out using ivf again but the review would have to have something pretty major for him to change his mind. 
He's also been looking into adoption a bit (no idea what he's read as it's not reassured him all that much!).

I think time is the big issue for him. He'll be 43 in November & sees that if we do ivf again, it fails and we hang around another 6 months - time isn't on our side put bluntly !

Not that I've yet to be officially diagnosed as having had a mc!! Scan on 21/8 showed a small sac, no change between then and 26th. On Thursday 4/9 they could see a yolk sac so want me to return in another fortnight!! It's beyond cruel. I'm 9+4 and nobody seems concerned that there's no actual baby with this pregnancy. At my next appointment I'll be 11+2!!


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey lovely ladies. . Just wanted to tell you the good news... Finally we have been excepted onto stage 1 :-D
Been pretty stressful already as they messed up our paperwork and they rejected our application which has taken 3 weeks to sort but its done now and now were just waiting for the instructions to arrive in the post.... Finally were on our way to having the family weve always dreamed about x

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx


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## Macgyver

Congratulations ozzycat xx


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## Alliwant1

Congratulations Ozzycat! Good luck for your journey    Tomorrow we have our initial meeting with the sw. What can we expect on this first meeting? I am so nervous but extremely excited too as this is our first step to our goal of becoming parents        We are hoping to adopt a sibling group and I cannot wait!


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## Helend75

Can I ask how long you have all had to wait post treatment? Has it been an inflexible 6 months?

OH & I are down to attend our LA info evening at the beginning of next month. In the telephone call with the agency I did say that this was purely for information and explained that we wouldn't be in a position to start the process this side of Christmas, given we've only recently finished treatment.

OH was a bit 'put out' by the letter that arrived. A bit like the treatment, I think he was hoping to keep it all under wraps, but learning that he had to provide referees (though what was he thinking? That you say you're a good person & someone hands you a child?!?) provoked quite a reaction. He does now see that he over reacted.
I found a blog from an adoptive dad's perspective written in the guardian that I've suggested he read - it's a couple of minutes reading & written from a male perspective so thought it a good starting point. I told him that they really do expect - for all it's an information evening - that at least some research will have been done, & things like 'references' shouldn't be a surprise to him.
Any other suggestions would be welcomed!

I have a scan appointment on Friday - 4 weeks since the first so I'm hoping I can finally find some closure.


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## Ozzycat

Hi alliwant, its soo exciting to finally feel like ur movIng forward.. ive joined another group on here called adoption buddies 2014 and im the newbie so pop over and have a read loads of ladies at different stages with lots of support and advice x
Weve gone with our LA and our initial interview was over 3hrs!! She went through everything from our relationship,  ivf, family,  ur support network,  childcare experience and then she did a health and safety check and left us with a todo list like cupboard locks and baby gates, just things to consider starting in the next few months x
Oh and make sure you get good biscuits. . I did inquire if they compared biscuits back in the office. . And they do  
Good luck but we were super nervous and spent 2 days cleaning the house from top to bottom! !!

Helen I'm so sorry ur still stuck in limbo land this process is cruel enough at the best of times x
We really enjoyed our open evenings and I left feeling positive and excited.  We went to 2, our LA and a VA and both were happy for us to apply before the 6month wait was over, u just need to feel in urself that uve grieved and are fully ready to move on from wanting ur own biological child x
Its hard but they will catch u out x

WARNING **** they will ask if u are using protection (sex wise) and u must say u are otherwise they wont accept ur application as they will think u are still trying naturally for a baby x

Good luck ladies
Lots of love x


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## Alliwant1

Hi Helen75, my heart goes out to you. IVF can be very cruel. We had our treatment in March using donor eggs and unfortunately it was unsuccessful. I ended up in hospital after it also but I wont bore anyone with the deatils  
I am a needle phobe of the worst kind so after my experience in March i am DONE!! I battled through my phobia every step of the way to try and get our baby and then end up getting extra needles in hospital afterwards. Somebody up there is having a laugh lol!! So me and DH are so ready for this and our 6 months is just up although no-one has mentioned time to us?  
Ozzycat, I was lurking on the adoption buddies thread so i'll have to pop on and say hi    I am so excited to start this process and it actually feels like a relief to be off the IVF rollercoaster if that makes sense.... I have lists of our past addresses, employers, income & outgoings and I did a rough family tree. Will she ask for these tomorrow?    I also downloaded the booklet for parents and teachers of adopted children and it is very interesting and informative. Think I'm desperate to scream at sw, 'look I am so prepared and ready!!' LOL!!!    
I have also got a copy of our employers adoption policy (ie: leave etc) which is really supportive (government). I'm hoping all these things help


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## Guest

Hi I hope everyone here is ok. Helend I hope your scan helps   

I'm not quite sure where I'm at re adoption at the moment and was told we could have our FET a bit sooner after all, so wondering if we should use that one up first. Might think about information evenings after our holiday next month, but I feel a bit vague about everything! I'm starting a part time university course soon so that might help me focus?!   Anyway good luck everyone, hope all goes well   xxx


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## Helend75

Thanks for all the kind words. On Friday at 11+2 weeks pregnant - without any sign of a baby - I had my miscarriage diagnosed. I had the erpc the same day.

I know it's, very soon to be going to an event but will be going to our local LA (although it's actually an even for 3 neighbouring LAs in consortium so I'm not sure how that works...) info evening in a fortnight. When I spoke with them I did say that I didn't foresee being able to do anything beyond an info evening this side of Christmas, so have been honest in that. 

OH & I spoke last night. He's ruled out further treatment & just wants a family now. I was quite taken by some of what he said/reasons he gave as I feared they revolved around the one reason of not wanting to see me go through any more treatment, which while valid, didn't strike me as the best reason to adopt. He surprised me, pleasantly so. I still wish he'd clue himself up a but more and read around though as he's convinced that a SW will try & force us to take a beard-growing 15 year old!!

I expect I'll be updating more when appropriate & catching up on how the rest if you are doing


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## Macgyver

Helend75 I just wanted to send you lots of


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## TillyF

Dear all,
We are starting our journey and I contacted the va agency I thought I wanted to go with yesterday, only to be told they are not accepting anyone until December! Is this normal? 
So now I need to contact some other agencies. 
Should I ask them about their rule on how long after ttc as we are only 3 months after, but had decided on adoption before our last natural efforts.
Thanks.


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## Ozzycat

Hi Tilly
Were a few weeks into stage 1 with our LA and I found out yesterday that even tho we signed up for 0-3 they actually don't have any available and this is the case across the UK. 
Since the new quicker process came in they now have more adopters than children inalot of cases hence why ur agency don't want to take u on yet.. If ur willing to take on an older child or a child with a disability then u will be matched alot sooner but otherwise were all gonna be waiting awhile. 
Just thought I'd let you know as it came as a real shock yesterday and im pretty devastated. 
I wouldn't worry about the 6month wait,  they took us on before it was finished x
Im on the adoption buddies 2014 forum,  lots of girls in different stages x


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## TillyF

Thanks for your reply. It is a shame there now seem to many couples who want to adopt!


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## TillyF

Spoke to some more agencies who are saying the same thing at the moment. Lots of older children, which won't work for us as have one bc.
Sorry didn't mean earlier comment to sound rude, of course if is great people want to adopt as there are so many children in care.


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## Helend75

I am a little alarmed by this news of 'fewer children'. We too would be looking at adopting a baby. Adoption week is coming up next month which will raise the profile too. Eeek...

It is of course wonderful that children are being found forever families sooner dafter than later, but does make you think


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## Barbados Girl

Guys, babies do come through but healthy, white babies (i.e. aged 0-2) are always in demand and there are always adopters out there ready to give them a home. Re BS has not necessarily changed that, possibly made it a bit worse. It may be a case of waiting or considering what you are prepared to accept in terms of issues. There are an awful lot of uncertainties with babies, remember, so saying no to certain disabilities/issues does not mean you will not end up with them!

There are lots of people here who adopted babies, it does happen, but it can take a lot of time. Don't lose hope but your sws should be advising you how tough and competitive such things are.


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## TillyF

Thanks, I know we need to be realistic.
Glad I'm not the only one feeling like this though!


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## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, mind if I join you?  We are looking to adopt next year after we relocate around Peterborough.


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## Guest

Hi I am back on here again as I've just filled out initial forms for 2 LA's near me. I thought I would at least make enquiries and find out a bit more information. This has been such a difficult year with what feels like various melt-downs following IVF, miscarriages, turning 40 & other life events. The idea of a lonely future with no children fills me with dread and applying to the LA's has actually cheered me up a bit. We did want to have a baby of our own first, but I'm feeling worn out from waiting and trying! Had intended to wait until 2015 before pursuing the adoption route, but I thought I would make some initial enquiries! Things have felt on hold & I want to get on with my life.

I hope things are going ok for others here and that some of you have made some progress & maybe got some good news or feeling hopeful  

All the best   xx


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## ultrafirebug

Hi, how is everyone doing?  We have our rental starting beginning/mid dec and after that we will then register our interest and go to an open evening before formally applying when DH passes and wants to stay after 3 month probabtion period (around April) - we are relocating to Oundle in Northamptonshire x


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## ciacox

Hi Folks!

Feels like a very long time since I started this thread in May. I've not been on the forum much over the last few months as I just wanted a bit of time not to be in the midst of everything. Since then we've moved to a new city, started new jobs and are now getting ready to jump into the world of adoption. Went to an open evening on Tuesday and was sad (selfishly sad of course - delighted for the children) but not surprised to find that our local authority does not currently have many children requiring adoption and has quite a few prospective adopters waiting. Apparently all our neighbouring local authorities are not recruiting at all and we will only be accepted into this one if we will consider adopting an older child or a sibling group or a child with a disability. This is painful news for us as we - like most prospective adopters I guess - had imagined ourselves adopting a single child under 2. But a part of me feels very calm and accepting. Our child is finding his or her way to us and I've learnt by now that this is not something I can control. So a little daunted but not put off. 

I guess I'll move to a 'starting 2015' thread once that gets up and running as I'm ready to move out of limbo land now. Good luck to all of you!

xxxxxxx


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## Kylie47

Hi Ciacox

Sounds like you've been through a lot this year! It's worrying how hard it's becoming to adopt but I totally agree that there's a child out there for all of us, however we get there.
We're also hoping to begin our adoption journey next year, just need to try and decide which agency to go with, assuming they're not all saying they won't take any more prospective adopters! 

Hopefully see you on one of the adoption threads in the near future!  The very best of luck to you xxxx


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