# First IVF failed, struggling to know what to do next



## Sew it (Jul 30, 2013)

Hi, 

My husband and I found out two weeks ago that our first attempt at IVF failed.  We are devastated and overwhelmed with sadness.

We have been TTC number 1 since Oct 2011 and have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility.  There is a possibility that my left tube is blocked, but dr not sure and thinks it might just have been in spasm during the test as there is nothing in my history to suggest anything else.  I seem to be ovulating normally and have very regular cycles.  We were advised to go straight to IVF (no clomid, IUI etc) if it hadn't happened after two years.

I have low AMH at 4 and was put on a poor responder treatment.  They got 8 eggs, 4 fertilised and we got 2 grade 7 (with 8 being the best) embryos transferred on day 2.  I had a triple lining, which was over 11mm three days prior to egg collection.  No problems with husbands sperm, it is top notch according to dr.  I started cramping and spotting 9 days after the transfer and knew it was game over.  Period started 2 days after I came off the progesterone.

We self funded this cycle, and are in the fortunate position of being able to self fund another if we want to, as well as having two NHS cycles which we are on the waiting list for.  At the moment I cannot see myself ever being strong enough to go through this again.  Physically the treatment was fine, I had very little side effects apart from the odd hot flush and some cramping, but mentally this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.  I knew there was a chance it might not work, but was trying to be positive and hope that we were one of the lucky ones who it worked first time for.  I am ready to get off this emotional roller-coaster and I cannot believe that we are still in this position of having no baby and no hope of one at the moment.  In all the time we have been trying, I have never been pregnant, not once.  I long for the 2nd line on the test to say that I'm pregnant and our dreams are going to come true.

I seem to have managed to come to terms with the initial shock, but am struggling to cope with the fear that this will never happen for us.  Any tips on how to get through this difficult time.

Thanks and hugs to all those who are facing the same, I feel your pain.

Sew it x


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## leb84 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi so sorry to hear your devastating news   big hugs to you. I can relate to how you feel. The hubby and i also had a failed attempt last To which i got 7 eggs collected 6 were mature enough 1 was extremeley abnormal and large! 4 were of poor quality which left me with just the 1. We just about got to day 2 embryo transfer but monthly come few days b4 testing. This was early last year i was told at 27 my egg quality was basically crap! We have just completed our seconond cycle of ivf using icsi. I also had a endometrial scratch. We used time lapse imaging and got to blastocyst stage. There was 10 eggs 9 fertilised cut a long story short they all got to blastocyst we had 2 put back and 3 were suitable for freezing. So every cycle can really be so different its like a gamble hun. I am glad after last year i finally took courage to go again. I am due to test next tuesday getting cramps, constipation, bloating etc no spotting or monthly so holding hope but i know how quick things can just change. Im so paranoid and scared. Do not give up on your dream i nearly did but this cycle as shown me it can be different. x


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## Sew it (Jul 30, 2013)

Thanks for your comments leb84, it's nice to know I'm not alone (even though I'm gutted that we all need to go through this!)

Great news about your second cycle, it's good to know that it could be different next time.  I have everything crossed for you and am hoping its a bfp! I know it's hard, but try not to assess every wee symptom. On my 2ww I put everything down to the progesterone, just for my own sanity! 

I have our review appointment booked for 6th sept, will be interesting to see what they say, or if they just put it down to bad luck. I am terrified that they will say my eggs are no good. Did your clinic change your protocol for your second cycle?  

I'll be looking out to see how your cycle goes, big hugs xx


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## Lucy708 (Dec 3, 2012)

Hello, sorry for your news. It really does kick the stuffing out of you. I've had 2 failed IVF cycles and 2 frozen egg cycles cancelled half way through. I felt the same as you after each disappointment but the positivity and strength came back for me a little bit each day. There were times when l thought l'd never smile again. Look after yourselves as best you can and it really is take every step carefully.
I find doing something nice for myself and my husband helps, even if its just having a cup of tea or a walk together. I hope the sky turns blue for you again soon.
Fi x


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## Sew it (Jul 30, 2013)

Thanks for your message Lucy708, it was really nice of you to reply.

This failure really has kicked the stuffing out of me, that is a great way to describe it!  I already feel better than I did last week, but am still a long way off being my usual self.  I think that I am also grieving not just for the failed cycle, but for the fact that we are here in the first place.  I don't think I came to terms with that before we started IVF.

I am glad to hear that your strength and positivity came back enough for you to try again, it gives me hope that I could face this again. How long did you leave in between cycles?  Do you know what you are going to do next?

Hubby and I have a holiday booked leaving next Saturday, cannot wait to get away from everything!

xx


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## Lucy708 (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi. Pleased you feel a bit more positive than last week. It takes time but l'm sure you'll feel a bit better and stronger each week. I think we left it 6 months until our second cycle as we weren't sure what to do. We talked a lot about what to do as we'd initially said we'd only try 1 cycle but changed our minds. At the moment l'm being treated for some cysts on my ovaries. Until they go, it's pointless having another go. If they don't shrink with the treatment l may have to have an operation to remove them. The unfortunate thing is that l have bad endometriosis so they may no be able to just remove the cysts and may have to remove my ovaries, so we've no idea what we're doing really!
A holiday is perfect timing for you. Relax and heal yourselves with sun and good food!
Take care
X


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## HopingAndPraying (Mar 28, 2013)

Hi sew it

Wanted to reply as feel like I was in your shoes a few weeks ago. I also had my fist ICSI cycle and it was a bfn. I was so upset as like you my cycle went well with responding to Stimms and triple lining etc.

I had 10 mature eggs and 8 fertilised and we transferred 2 x 7 cells. I had no embies left to freeze as they were all poor quality. I was devastated as I didn't expect it...I wasn't prepared for the quality issues and I have since had my review and my consultant said it failed due to possible egg quality. 

I felt the same in that I hoped to be off this roller coaster by now and felt so sad that I need to continue with all of this process as find it so hard ..on both my husband and I ....I miss my old life were I was oblivious to all of this and my hubby and I had a great time. We had a weekend away to gather our thoughts and I had an appointment with another clinic to understand if we were as much of a hopeless case as we thought. 

Like what the other ladies have said every cycle is different so my plan is go on holiday (next sat too   ) and then look at planning our next cycle when I get back. It's worth another shot at ....as I'm praying it will be second time lucky.....which is maybe a bit naive but hey if we don't have hope then what do we have.

Things will be still raw for you...but in time you will definately feel better and I'm sorry you are feeling like this as its just awful x hope your review goes well and you have a lovely chilled holiday....you deserve it .

Take care xxx


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## Sew it (Jul 30, 2013)

Hoping and Praying, thank you so much for your kind message, it made me cry a little (in a good way).  You pinpointed exactly how I feel, it is comforting to know that someone gets it.  I too feel so sad about everything.  Sad that my husband and I need to go through this, sad that things are not happening naturally and sad that whatever path we choose, it is going to be difficult, whether its facing IVF or going down the adoption route.  I know I shouldn't compare my self to others, but getting pregnant has seemed so easy for all my friends, am I so selfish for wanting a wee bit of that luck?  I am so pleased that I took the plunge and posted on this forum, I find the support so comforting at a really difficult time.

Have you had your review with another clinic yet?  What did they say?

I hope that you have a lovely holiday too, you also deserve it x

Lucy708, so sorry to hear that you are having trouble with cysts.  On top of everything else, that is the last thing that you need, you have had so much to deal with already.  I hope that they respond well to treatment and that you can avoid an operation.  keep us posted with your progress and good luck xxx


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## HopingAndPraying (Mar 28, 2013)

Hi sew it 

Hope you are felling a bit better about things this week. 

I completely understand how you feel about feeling cheated that everyone else gets pregnant so easy. It's so hard. My family are all mega fertile and my wee sis is pregnant after trying for one month, and my other sister is the same ( she now has a little one) which is amazing for them,  and its a shame as they feel bad for me. I guess we are the unlucky ones and everyone says that this process makes us stronger but it doesn't help or make me feel any better.

All we can do is look ahead and plan next steps in the hope we do get our little miracles and we finally get lucky. 

Yes I had my consultation with another clinic and that's who I will cycle with next i reckon as they seemed more positive than my last clinic. I am terrified though with the second round...a lot more so than the first go as I'm now aware how quickly things can go wrong,,,,but need to give it another try.  

I hope you decide to try again when things have settled down. Hope and pray that we are second time lucky gals.

Enjoy your hols and treat yourself to lots of nice things  

Xxxxx


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## danceintherain (Apr 16, 2013)

Hi sew it

I don't have many words of wisdom just wanted to send you    I also went through my first failed ICSI recently and am waiting for our review appointment at the moment. A holiday is a great idea, in fact my husband and I are doing the same thing before we start planning our next cycle. I felt pretty physically and emotionally drained, and for me taking a bit of time off is helping me to feel stronger and prepared to go again. 

Every single one of my friends is either pregnant or has given birth in the last year, so completely know how you feel about comparing yourself with others! It's such an unpredictable process. Some days are better than others, but remember there is always support on here. x


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## Sew it (Jul 30, 2013)

Hi danceintherain,

Thanks for your message and for the hugs, I need them today!  I am very stressed at work with trying to get everything finished before I head off on hols, and my period arrived yesterday, so that is not helping either!

Most of my friends are pregnant or have wee babies, so I feel very alone at times.  In a bit of limbo until our review to see if there really was anything wrong or just bad luck.

hugs to you too, x


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