# What can you do when your mariage is collapsing?



## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

So it seems that this entire infertility story (read more of my initial story herE:http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=332196.msg5999426#msg5999426) its taking a beating on our marriage..which seems to be nearing its end...

I find it so suprising that the person i have shared everything for almost half my life now is giving up on us on the first sign of trouble. I understand that when the woman has no fertility issues (she keeps saying to me -i dont have a problem why create one) it is a difficult decision..its difficult to be be poked and scanned and all that...that this treatments may not have an initial result or may have some advert effects...but to me if someone wants to have a family with the person who they love..wouldnt they do anything to do achieve that?

Any advice?


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## Bax (Feb 25, 2015)

I'm so sorry to read your story.

Infertility is a truly horrendous journey regardless of where the problem lies.  And making the decision about starting IVF - or not - is also incredibly difficult.  It's a decison which isn't always made logically either - for me there was some faiith, belief and spiritualism in there together with the more physical things to consider.  

I am told by my friends that finding "acceptance" is the way to being truly happy with your lot.  I know I haven't found any acceptance in my infertility, but maybe your wife is closer to it?  Have you tried counselling together?  Lots of clinics offer it alongside IVF treatment.


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

She's not even willing to do counselling unfortunately....


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Infertility is hard and it takes a toll on even the strongest of marriages. My husband has a chromosome abnormality that causes infertility and recurrent miscarriage. I am basically ok. Sometimes I found it hard that it was me who had to have all the injections, egg collection etc etc and felt like my body was being destroyed because of something wrong with my husband but ultimately for me I wanted to be a mum, and I wanted my husband to be the dad to our children. My husband I think realised what my body was going through and after a while decided he felt we should go down the donor route, which was a massive thing for him. Sadly that didn't work for us and after we gave up TCC we ended up naturally pregnant. I don't know how. I really don't have any answers for you but do wonder perhaps what other people she is close to are maybe saying to your wife. I only say this because on more than one occasion my mum talked about how my body was taking a battering yet there was nothing wrong with me. It wasn't helpful and if someone is saying something similar to your wife it maybe needs exploring.

Sending a big big  
Xxx


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi Am81,

I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. It is also hard to be the IF partner in the relationship - I felt it acutely that my partner wouldn't have any problems having a family with someone fertile.

I agree there are particular considerations when IVF is being done or contemplated for MF alone, & it's not personally something I would do when there is a much easier and safer alternative of AI with DS.

I think as well as questioning whether your wife is willing to go through IVF (which carries significant short and long term health risks - OHSS, blood clots, cancer) to give you a child, you maybe need to also think about whether you would be willing to use DS to give her one.

Never easy though, & I hope you manage to work through this.

B xxx


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

@ Keeping busy...with a greek family backgroung the meddling from parents and third party is what is prob causing part of the problem..

@bombsh3ll The problem is not who gives the sample..its the whole IVF idea


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## Ali_123 (Mar 13, 2014)

Am, I really feel for you. 

I personally didn't find the IVF process difficult at all from the physical side of things and we tried to carry on with life as normally as possible throughout. Yes there are risks, but clinics do a very good job of monitoring women and the vast majority of people don't have any health issues related to it. Yes, the Daily Mail can always make out scare headlines about the risk to the mother, risks to the babies etc, but if you look behind the headlines the absolute risk of health issues to the mother and/or baby is actually very small......! IVF has become a very mainstream practice over the last couple of decades. 1 in 50 babies born in the UK is IVF, that is a huge number!

Emotionally it's tough and we didn't tell anyone that we were cycling as we considered it to be private and we didn't want anyone to know.  When it's male infertility and there are no female problems the prognosis is usually very good indeed. Will your wife not even consider a consultation at a clinic just to discuss possibilities? 

My clinic have seen natural pregnancies with sperm counts as low as 1million so it can happen, especially if the female partner is particularly fertile and producing a good egg each month. Infertility is often caused by a combination of both male and female factors....there could be female factors involved as well so I think your wife should be careful before she goes blaming you for everything! In my opinion it always takes 2 to tango.....

Wishing you the best of luck. I hope that your wife becomes a bit more open to possibilities. But if not then I hope you are able to reach a mutual understanding and find a way forward somehow.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi Am81
sorry to hear your marraige is under pressure. 
the previous poster is right. The risks of IVF these days are so so low, your in more danger crossing the road!

my partner produces no sperm whatsoever. we cannot have ICSI and will  have to use a donor. 
I must admit if my partner did produce sperm, I would jump through every hoop possible to have a child WITH him, no matter how many needles , scans, blood tests, hormones I had to endure. 
It sounds like your wife is greiving for not being able to conceive naturally, which is normal, and im sure she will get over in time. 

I hope you find a way foward
xxxxxxx


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## littlecat83 (Nov 7, 2013)

Hi Am,

My heart goes out to you. My partner has big problems with his sperm, and I'm not keen on hospitals/needles/operations as I had heart surgery when I was young, but I'm willing to go through it all for a family. I've never once blamed him or questioned the fact that we shouldn't be together because of this situation. I feel awful for you that your wife is reacting like this, but unfortunately IVF is an extremely complex issue and everyone feels very differently about it. 

Like someone has said before, just googling information online isn't the way to go about it, esp if she's just looking up scare stories on the awful of all awful news engines - Daily Mail - that seems to come up in all searches for anything and is ALWAYS misinformed and negative. Stupid paper it is.

Perhaps you could help by googling some really positive stories and finding out the facts for her. I've never heard of anything like babies through IVF have a higher risk of cancer, so no idea where she has got that from? Seems like she's just dived in and found the worst possible stories she can, and if she's feeling negative about the whole thing then that's probably what she will find.

I'm trying not to be too hard on your wife for being so unsupportive of you, so could it be that she's just in shock and it having an equally hard time dealing with it? It's a shame that she is so unyielding though, as it could so easily have been her with the problems instead of you. Have you tried putting yourself in her shoes and thought how you might have reacted if it was her with issues? And talked to her about that? 

Some people do find the idea of counselling really unappealing, fair enough. We did some, as we might have to use a donor on the next go, and it was helpful but not everyone wants to give a stranger a personal insight into their relationship. Is there any way you can direct her here? Or if you'd like her to talk to someone in a similar situation I'd be happy for her to email me and I promise to be really positive : )

Families poking their noses in can make things really hard. It needs to just be about the two of you. Was your relationship fine before this? How long have you been trying for a family?

IVF is tough, and our first go didn't work but we're having another try in MAy, our last NHS attempt, and then we'll see where that leads...

Lots of luck and a massive hug x


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## littlecat83 (Nov 7, 2013)

Also agree with Ali, even though your wife's tests might be fine on paper, the body is a complex thing, and it could be a combination of the two of you.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

yse that is very right. 
I must admit I am often shocked at the number of women who are all great on paper then cant conceive even with donor eggs. 
xxx


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## Bumble Bus (Apr 23, 2013)

Am81, sorry you are having to deal with this.

My husband has zero sperm and we are now pregnant, having conceived with help of a donor (I could write pages on what an awesome Daddy my husband is already but sounds like that's not the issue here).

I have to say, I find it hard to empathise with your wife as I would have done pretty much anything for my husband and I to be parents together (initially with his sperm and then with donor).  IVF isn't the nicest thing but I would happily accept a few weeks of injections, bloating, moodiness, a bit of sedation and a few invasive examinations in exchange for a shot at a baby!  I tried to look at it positively, it was the only way for us so why not try and embrace it.

One thing I would say though, is it took us a loooong time to grieve for the baby that would not come easily (and especially in our case the baby that would not be biologically both of ours).  Your wife will have spent years assuming how her family would come about and that is not the case anymore so she may need a bit more time.

Why will she not entertain the idea of counselling?  Both me and my DH have seen BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association) counsellors, individually and together and we could personally not recommend them more highly.  I've also seen a 'generalist' counsellor and it was a bit of a waste of time.  In my opinion you need someone experienced in the feelings of loss associated with infertility.  Would you consider going on your own and then maybe she would come with you after a while?

Lastly, your wife should be careful putting all of this at your door at the moment.  We found out my husband had no sperm at the same time as getting tests done that indicated everything looked good with me (ovulating, hormones fine, ovaries looked fine) so on paper the physical issues were his.  However, when we first went to an IVF clinic 18 months later it turned out I had low egg reserve.  Then after 3 failed cycles it turned out I also had a raft of immune issues that have taken a huge amount of intervention (and money) to fix.  I doubt I could have ever conceived or carried a baby 'naturally' anyway.

I don't want to be harsh on her and I hope that you can find a way of keeping communicating with each other that eventually gets you back on the same page and moving forwards together.  All the best.


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

Thanks all  for you replies. It seems that in the  end at the first sign of trouble  she's making a quick escape...makes think she didn't want a family with me in the first place...
I do understand her...i do know its difficult and she's scared of all the "maybes" and the "what ifs". We've know each other since 2001 and married sinc 2009 ..we ve known about this issue since FEB 2014 and she's become  a different person since then..as if i have an incurable disease...i feel betrayed and abandoned..its just driving me mad thinking that this wall that in the end its in her head it's stoping us from doing something that in the end we ll have no regrets...but i suppose to in her mind she doesnt want to risk  any associated miscarriage or the stress that goes with all this and she 'd rather find someone else that she can conseive naturally....i quess thats life... makes me wonder if i had a more serious health problem what would have happend...


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## Lilypink (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm so sorry your going through a hard time. 
IVF and infertility is such a hard thing for any marriage to go through but you need to make sure you both support eachother. 
On first investigations it looked like the problems lay with my husbands sperm, but with the help of ICSI we got some beautiful looking embreyos! 
After 3 failed cycles it now looks though the problems lay more with me and my immune system. 
The other ladies are right you can't put the 'blame' on 1 party and whatever the outcome whether you can have treatment with your own eggs/sperm or donor you will be the parents to that child & the people who loved that baby enough to fight to bring it into this world. 
I really hope your wife comes around, it's such a hard thing to deal with and you really need the support of eachother but I truly believe if you believe & want it enough it will happen one way or another xx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Gosh Am I could have written your post as I was in your place a few years ago and sadly my marriage ended up in the toilet, he had an affair as the final straw but it did me a favour to leave). The irony is I was the one with the fertility problem and holding him back   but I've gone on to have my twins via donor sperm on my own and he is re-married and has no children with his 2nd wife so life is quirky that's all I can say to you


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## littlecat83 (Nov 7, 2013)

Hi Am

From your last post, it seems that this has really affected you. Perhaps your wife isn't the woman for you if you're having those feelings about her and her reaction. Yes, it's hard for her, but there has to be some compassion, talking and reasonable behavior on her side or you're just fighting it all by yourself, especially as you're the one who has been told they have issues, which is hard to deal with whether you have support or not. 

As you can see from most of the wives/partners/girlfriends who have responded on here, they would have done anything to support their partners. It's a shame that your wife can't see how much easier this could all be if she'd just be open to the possibility that it's not all as awful as she's decided, and that it's totally achievable if you tackle it together.

Not wishing to sound blunt, but you sound like to deserve better than the treatment you're getting. Hope she agrees to counselling


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## littlecat83 (Nov 7, 2013)

Also out of interest why does she think there is a high miscarriage rate associated with IVF? We've never been told that it's an increased risk, although obviously there is a bigger risk of twins which does come with its share of problems admittedly


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## Flips (Jul 12, 2012)

littlecat83 said:


> Also out of interest why does she think there is a high miscarriage rate associated with IVF? We've never been told that it's an increased risk, although obviously there is a bigger risk of twins which does come with its share of problems admittedly


This seems to be a fairly common misconception - A couple of people who know about my m/c seem to think there's a higher rate of m/c with IVF. The supposed higher risk of cancer hasn't been proven either.

AM, I'm sorry to read this. I hope you and your wife can at least find a way to talk about this.


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

littlecat83-  I am affected by it simply because i thought she wanted children as much as i do..i mean i took every single pill in the world,,did numerous of tests on months on end...prayed and went to churches..did my own research.. everything i could  to change and fix this  but to no joy...i quess the real pain is that i would do anything if she had the problem and its sad to see that she doesn't...

i know its difficult..and hard..i know there are no promises and quarantees..but isn;t that life? 

She keeps saying i dont have a problem why create one...why risk my life and body  ,, i am willing to do anything to support her...i told her a trillion times..i dont know what else to do..i got tired of arguing..and begging her to give  us a chance..to the point where i am giving up.. we are at a point where there's this cold air between us now...like 2 strangers living in the same house...i wish i knew what is going on in her head..but i think her mind i made up.
I love her but i also love myself..and i think i can be an excellent father and i deserve to be...so if it comes to this...if we have to go our separate ways..so be it..it ll hurt and again no guarantees but  maybe it will worth the risk


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

Am81, I think your wife is being very selfish and I am glad you love yourself enough and have enough faith in your ability to be a good farther to, if needs be go your separate ways and ultimately find someone who loves you enough to pursue IVF with you. I always say, if I had known about my husbands chromosome abnormality and the impact it would have on our ability to have a family before I married him, I would still have married him, I just might have started trying it have a baby earlier. I feel very sad for you that your wife does not understand that a marriage is about two people, and is a partnership. Sending


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## mrs_X (Aug 18, 2014)

Hi Am,

I was talking with you on your previous thread and just wanted to say how terribly sad i am to read this thread. I too am struggling to understand your wife's point of view. Maybe its for the best that this has come about now and not further down the line. 

My DH has terribly low sperm counts too, single to double figures at best and we've just been to see mr ramsay who is a specialist consultant in Urology and an expert in male fertility. My DH cried after coming out as is is sooooo lovely and a wealth of knowledge and reassurance in how we can approach the count.
Perhaps you could pop by and see him, see if he can help you at all?


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

Hey mrs_x

I am buffled.....maybe you are right maybe it is for the best...i quess only time will show....prob is it's going to be even harder next ime round...


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## Miss pooh (May 26, 2013)

Hi am,

I am truly sorry to see your post. I honestly believe despite the struggles couples go through it will make them stronger at the other side of it no matter what the outcome, the keys is to be there for each other though. In your case I find it extremely odd that your wife is acting this way. I agree with another post that she's sounds very selfish. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. However your wife maybe going through her own difficulties in facing the reality, but if she is not willing to face her own difficulty how can she ever move on from it?

I understand you comments on what her mindset is at the moment and why she thinks this isn't the right path for her, but what guarantees are there that a "natural" conception with someone else will be any less stressful or have less risks? Im not comparing the two, but there are potential risks with natural and assisted conceptions. It's not a valid excuse to not even explore the option in my opinion. If after hearing all the real evidence from consultant/ counsellors and not the Internet, she still felt strongly about not using ivf, then so be it. But for your sake and for the sake of her sanity I can't understand why she wouldn't do it.

It is often in times of trouble that we find out who we can truly rely on. I hope you have other people in your life right now that you can turn to and support you.

All the best

quote author=Am81 link=topic=333696.msg6030767#msg6030767 date=1425907356]
Thanks all for you replies. It seems that in the end at the first sign of trouble she's making a quick escape...makes think she didn't want a family with me in the first place...
I do understand her...i do know its difficult and she's scared of all the "maybes" and the "what ifs". We've know each other since 2001 and married sinc 2009 ..we ve known about this issue since FEB 2014 and she's become a different person since then..as if i have an incurable disease...i feel betrayed and abandoned..its just driving me mad thinking that this wall that in the end its in her head it's stoping us from doing something that in the end we ll have no regrets...but i suppose to in her mind she doesnt want to risk any associated miscarriage or the stress that goes with all this and she 'd rather find someone else that she can conseive naturally....i quess thats life... makes me wonder if i had a more serious health problem what would have happend...
[/quote]


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## Rumplestiltskin (Mar 11, 2014)

I am sorry you are going through this, and it's a horrible situation to be in. 

I'm afraid I'm going to play devil's advocate a little bit here, because it sounds to me, from your posts on this and other threads, that you're convinced that IVF is the only course of action, and that you think your wife is being unfair to you to not want to have it, to allow you to achieve your dream of parenthood? Apologies if that's not actually how you feel about it. But I get the impression that, from the moment she shared her fears with you, you've been quite angry with her? And that maybe, since then, she's become more defensive and resolute, and the resentment has built from there? 

IVF is terrifying. I am a biomedical scientist, and it still terrifies me. I have moments where I feel that I'm betting everything I have - my marriage, my career, my health and my financial security, on a gamble that I'm most likely to lose. And that seems crazy to me. But I do it, for the same reasons everyone else here does it. Sometimes it makes me very angry that I am being treated for my husband's illness. But we have agreed, however hard it is, to talk about every step, and only do what we both feel comfortable with. It's not a path that's easy to compromise on, or go back once you start. And nothing about it is fair. 

Is it possible that your reaction to her fears is what's making her pull away? It sounds to me as though, when this bombshell got dropped on your life, you both reacted in very different ways, and that those reactions have made you resent each other and drive you apart. I think you could both do with trying to put yourself in the other's shoes for a while. The fact that you've sought support here, speaks highly of you. You're obviously hurting a lot, and trying to find a way forward. Maybe it's not that she didn't ever want to have children with you, maybe it's just she's really scared of having IVF, and that she'd rather give up her dream of children in order to keep her life with you? 

I deeply love my husband, but the only moment I've ever considered leaving was an occasion where I was desperately upset and frightened, and he just fundamentally couldn't understand why I felt that way, and got quite defensive, annoyed and angry with me. I have never felt so completely alone in my whole life. I just wonder if that's maybe how your wife is feeling? That if maybe you could find a way to be supportive and understanding to her, she might be more supportive and understanding to you? Someone has to be the first to bend. 

There are a lot of people out there, and I'm one of them, who have had to consider the question "Which do I want more, my spouse or children?" It's a horrible, unfair question, but then we live in a horrible, unfair world. Once you know the answer, then at least you'll know what you're fighting for. 

I hope you and your wife find a way through this.


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## Am81 (Jan 26, 2015)

Dear all ...just an update unfortunately the end is here..we are unfortunately going for divorce..this was not my option...i tried fighting so hard for this ..my wife just gave up.

@Rumplestiltskin --thanks for our reply...i do understan what you are saying and partially what you are saying its true. Having a family,parenthood etc was a joined decision when we got married and have always both  expressed the desire to have a little toddler! It seems however someone changed their mind over the years .

Problem is my wife has always been a bit distant on the "having a family" issue...it was always me inerested in it.  She was always giving me empty promises  (before we new-she was avoiding the whole issue with varius excuses..i was just giving her time. ) for years on end,,,and it seems that when we found out we had to do IVF she treated the whole thing as if it was a disease and she just went cold...and no matter what i did it just couldnt put things right

Maybe i was a bit angry and i was pressuring her, not in the sense of arguing o.but i was trying to find a solution..i was asking her to speak to people who had the same issue..to go to councelling, to go to doctors..EVEN to church..but she just gave up. i am not sure if after 8 years of marriage to be wanting to have a family with the  person you love  is pressure-i wouldnt call it pressure...if parenthood was my only goal i would have left her  years ago.

On the  comment you mentioned "maybe it's just she's really scared of having IVF, and that she'd rather give up her dream of children in order to keep her life with you?"- i am not sure about that, while we  where having treatment  we where supposed to be trying naturally.(the treatments lasted over a year).even in that low percentage ..but we weren't she was again giving me excuses - i was actually begging her at that point to try naturally to not go through IVF..but to no avail. 

To me not having a family was not an option...why? because i can-we both could, one way or another  call it naturally call it IVF call it Mount everest...if she wanted i would have done anything in my power to do that..if still after we tried everything and nohing came out of it then yes i would have considered adopting or even staying without a family...i just believed after all these years together after all we've been through we deserved at least a change

The signifigant difference between her and me- if she had a problem whatever that was --i would have never abonded her.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Am81 i am so sorry to read this
it sounds like you gave it your absoltue all. i cant imagine how you are feeling
IF is so unbeleivably cruel on relationships. it can make or break you
I hope you have the strength to pull through this and meet someone deserving of all you have to offer. 
best wishes
K
xx


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Am81
I've not posted to you before but have followed your story.  I just wanted to say that I am so sorry to read your update.  I wish you all the best for the future, I know it all feels so sad and uncertain now but it won't always be like that.

Take care of yourself.
Turia x


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## LadyNY (Apr 30, 2015)

AM81,

I too have never posted before but have followed your thread.

I too know how devastating it is to be in a marriage where you believe you both want the same thing (i.e a family) only to find out, sometimes years down the line that that is not the case. My marriage too ended in divorce as my ex husband just wouldn't entertain the IVF route. I know it sounds cliche but time really is a healer and you will, eventually find someone who is worthy of your devotion and has the same 'want' for a family. 

Take care and all the very best of luck for the future.

LadyNY x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Am very sorry it's come to an end for you   and I also know the struggle ahead you have having walked in your shoes some years ago, I had boyfriends after but never one I thought I could settle down with sadly, anyway I'm now a happy single mum and even if by some remote chance you don't find a life partner (tho I suspect you'll be snapped up lol) you can as a man still realise your dream of fatherhood be it through co-parenting (lot's of single ladies do this) or adoption, surrogacy etc there are def options open to you x


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## Londonwriter (Mar 18, 2015)

I'm sorry to read this and so so so sorry to read the end of the thread, and how things turned out  

We are in something of a similar position. We have unexplained infertility, probably on both sides (husband has marginal sperm). My husband is my first love and we've been friends for fifteen years and married for eight. We have had an initial consultation at a clinic and are waiting to start a cycle of IVF.

I have always been somewhere between ambivalent and negative about children. To explain how that feels, children are - to me - like cats and horses and foldable ladders. You see them in the street, other people have them, but they don't *mean* anything emotionally.

My husband comes from a family-orientated culture and his dream is to die surrounded by grandchildren. All his career and life decisions have been made with the expectation of being a father. As I love him, I agreed to have his children to be with him on condition that we arranged things so I had adequate childcare, etc. I had a poorly-paid job that I loved, he earns more than me, and was afraid I'd have to give up my job to be the primary carer. We started trying when I was 33 and we've been trying for two years.

Now we've discovered we're infertile. I love my life without children, I'm physically fit and healthy, look young for my age, and there's nothing wrong except infertility, and I'm now going to have to have IVF or else he'll leave me. I can't imagine life without him.

Worse still, I know the long-term success rates for unexplained infertility with women of my age are only 75% so I could go through all that and STILL have a 1/4 chance of not having children. My husband isn't willing to consider a Life Plan B until we've tried at least two cycles so I'm worried he'll have a mid-life crisis, walk out and find a fertile younger woman if it turns out I can't conceive. I keep telling him all the exciting things we can do together if we can't have kids, but it made him upset (obviously). To him, children give purpose and meaning to life.

I have tried planning my life after IVF failure, incase he leave me, but that also freaked him out. He doesn't want me making major life decisions on the expectation that I can't have children and I'm not part of a couple. Problem is he can't guarantee to me that he wouldn't leave if we failed. He said 'if we can't have children, I'll have to make myself into a different person and I don't know who that person would be'. Needless to say, I'm unwilling to have IVF for him if he's STILL going to walk out at the end.

I feel totally alone. I don't feel I can talk to other women having IVF about my feelings because they want children and wouldn't understand. I keep thinking 'IVF is bad enough for women who WANT children, never mind those who don't'. And all the material about infertilty I've read online takes it as a given that women want kids and the male partner is ambivalent, which makes me feel like a weirdo.

At the moment, I'm having him ring up the clinic and make appointments. I'm very much 'this is your baby [excuse the pun] so don't expect me to make all the appointments and do all the logistics as well as taking all the drugs, having sedation, having internal exams, etc'. I told him I wanted to get a large tattoo (a lifetime wish of mine. Husband doesn't like tattoos) because I was lending him my body for the duration, etc. etc.

Basically, I feel extremely resentful of him right now.


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## FroggyOne (Jul 10, 2012)

Hello AM.
I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with this. My relation finished this morning. 

My ex-fiance now seems to be like your wife. We both have problems and we needed ICSI but he think he's fine and won't do anything to increase his chances, even more, his diet is terrible, very little activity etc. And only 3 yrs ago he was fine! We conceived naturally and his results were OK. 

This supposed to be our second ICSI, I was supposed to be in hospital this morning for bloods as I was taking spray for 2 weeks already, and prepare for injections on supposed. Well all stopped now. 

I don't know why he wanted to try for a baby. He doesn't really look like somebody who wants it. I asked and asked many times and said he is not ready for this but he ensured me he was, well 2 weeks later we are done!

We were going to get supposed . He wanted to wait after treatment, but he delayed the first one, second one we had BNF (no mentioning about getting married) and now he just cancelled it. He says he wants to postone it for 2 months but I said enough is enough! I'm in pieces now but I will be fine. I won't let any jerk to play with me like that.  

I think your wive never wanted the child. And as you said she used many excuses but never told you the truth because you wanted to have a family. 

I will be honest with you - it is probably better to finish it now. Perhaps she is not a person for you. Perhaps she will have a baby with somebody else but this is time for you to start fresh and if you happen to find a lady you will have a clean start as you already know what is wrong. 
I may have missed it but have you considered adoption??

If you want to talk pm me. 
frog x


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