# Birth Certificate question: Co-parent/Known Donor



## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

I just wondered about the legal implication of having the biological father's name on the birth certificate of my child or not.

I know that even if he's not registered on it he will still have financial responsibility towards the child, and I entered into this co-parenting relationship wanting a father figure and contact with the bio dad for my child.

However I can see that fathers pushing for parental responsibility have caused havoc in other family set-ups and whilst my CP doesn't expect to have custody, I wouldn't want to have to check with him each time the child has a medical intervention, change of school or holiday.

Does having the father's name on the bc mean that the father has to be consulted over these issues on a regular basis, or only that they have the right to object if they want to?

My attitude towards my CP has changed based on an event that makes me feel he's not as trustworthy as I'd like a CP to be, but I would still want there to be financial assistance and regular contact to the child once they are born.

Any thoughts and advice gratefully received!


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Broodychick

Having parental responsibility is in practice a bit more nebulous than either being clearly a right to be consulted in every decision, or a right to object if you disagree. He would share decision making responsibility with you. That means that he would have a right to be involved in decisions if he asserted that right. Third parties might also ask for his input if there were really key decisions to be made (such as important medical decisions).

More generally, naming him on the birth certificate will be a powerful indicator that you see yourselves as equal co-parents and that could have an impact if you ended up in dispute e.g. over the level of contact he has, or about a particular issue concerning how you both exercise your parental responsibility.

It's worth thinking about carefully if you have reservations at this stage. We work on cases where, very sadly, co-parents have ended up in dispute, and often the problems start very early on after the birth or during the pregnancy. How you handle things now might therefore be very important going forward, so well worth handling with care. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to address the concerns you have and talk honestly about how you both want things to work going forward.

If we can be of any help, let me know. There is also a load of information on our website about co-parenting issues and disputes (see http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/knowledge-centre?root_level_topic=donor-conception-co-parenting&topic=known-donation-and-co-parenting&user_type=all&query=).

Natalie


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Thank you Natalie!

You were recommended to us before through our counsellor at the fertility clinic where I had treatment, but since my understanding was that a parental agreement benefits the father more than the mother I left it to my CP to decide.

My main issue really is that rather than being able to co-parent as a reliable support for me, my CP seems to be rather more hands-off as it has emerged he will continue to create other families.

I hope we can come to an agreement where financial support is concerned, and I know he will always be open to contact and to contact between the half siblings, but my new partner has also expressed an interest in adopting the baby which is another process I am not really clear about.

If I leave CP's name off the birth certificate, does that mean the child can add him again later if s/he wants to?

If I am married (unlikely but curious to know), I believe my husband would count as the father of the baby, regardless of its real paternity. In this case, should I make a point of leaving the father's name blank?
Or if we're not married, what are the implications of adding my new partner as the father, which would be incorrect and might confuse the child?

How will the CP have to give consent if the baby is to be adopted by my partner in the future?
I understand that the CP's financial responsibilities would then cease and I don't see this happening until the baby is at least a year old.

Currently the relationship between my CP and I is very friendly, we talked about a lot of things but as you also say things might change in the future.

Thank you again!
BC


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi BC
Can you clarify what your situation actually is with your partner and what future possibilities you envisage in reality?  You've asked loads of questions and I'll be writing an essay in response otherwise!

Thanks

Natalie


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Thank you Natalie!
My partner and I plan to get married eventually though there is no rush. We won't get married before the baby is born.
(I plan to give my child my surname.)

We talked about him adopting the baby, who isn't biologically his but was conceived via known donor IVF before we met. 
I am in touch and on good terms with my known donor who was going to co-parent but I now see his involvement as more limited - contact about once a month perhaps - as he also has another child he co-parents.
Does that make it any clearer?
Sorry if I missed anything and thank you!


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Broodychick


Yes that makes total sense. Your new partner could adopt your child later (it would be step parent adoption) and he wouldn't have to be married to you but would have to have lived with your child for at least six months. If your CP is on the birth certificate he will have to formally consent to the adoption. If not he won't, but your social worker may want to speak to him to understand his views and decide whether an adoption is in your child's best interests.


Natalie


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Thanks Natalie, that is very helpful to know!

DP has been very supportive and hands-on throughout my pregnancy whereas my CP/KD isn't very involved right now though he continues to take an interest.

I think contact is in the best interest of the child but as they will be living with me and DP it may straighten things out for their future if DP adopts them further down the line.


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Natalie
My darling son arrived and I have a date to register his birth.
My midwife suggested I can have my partner's name on his birth certificate but would it be within our rights to decide to do this?
I see lesbian couples in civil partnerships can do this (DP and I aren't married and DS isn't his bio child), also I know that many fathers in birth certificates are t necessarily that child's bio parent.
My DS was conceived with a known donor at a fertility clinic (I believed him to be a bona fide co-parent but it's turned out he won't be).

My partner would like custody to stay with him as DS' other active parent, if anything happens to me.

Thank you for any advice you may have!


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Broodychick

Congratulations on your son's birth! Hope he is letting you get some sleep 

You can only register your partner on your son's birth certificate if she is the other legal parent. Since you are not CPs (or married) she will only be the other parent if you went through a process at your clinic to sign forms WP and PP (which would have nominated her as a parent). These have to be signed before conception so if you didn't sign them at the time it's too late to put them in place now. That means your partner will need to apply for step parent adoption if she wants to be a legal parent and you can't name her on the birth certificate. There's more info about all this here 
http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/knowledge-centre/parenthood-after-donor-conception-lesbian-non-birth-mothers

Best wishes

Natalie


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Perfect, thank you for the link - I did find some info on this online, but it wasn't easy to track down. My DP is male but I wouldn't be comfortable doing anything illegal so best to know what is possible.
As it stands I will just have my name on his birth certificate, pending adoption by my DP.x


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Sorry - I hadn't read through the thread from before properly and assumed same sex partner!

The rules are just the same for male partners in donor sperm cases and here's the info page for you http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/knowledge-centre/parenthood-after-donor-conception-fathers-conceiving-with-donor-sperm

The obvious practical difference is that it's much easier to go to the birth registration and just say your partner is the father without explaining any of the background. However that would be an offence (and would leave things open to challenge later) so I wouldn't recommend it.

Natalie


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