# Donor egg twins and Catholic School



## dempsey (Jun 23, 2007)

Hello 

i have twin girls that were conceived by Donor egg and my husband's sperm. They are 31/2 and are about to start pre school in a week. its a state catholic school and now i am panicking a bit as i am thinking maybe i should have sent them to the non catholic school. I have told 90% of my family and friends and intend to be open to them about their origin etc. I have been reading "my story" to them since they were about 2 years old. My concern is, will they be made feel not 100 per cent accepted in a catholic school. I have the option of sending them to a different school next year. I wondered if anybody else on the forum with donor conceived children sent their children to a catholic school? Also my plan was if i decide to sent them to this school next year , i would have a chat with the head of school once they settle in to nursery/ preschool. My girls are very chatty and most likely would talk about it if the subject came up in class.

Any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated 

Dempsey xxx


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## Marmot (Aug 6, 2009)

No experience but it sounds like it would be too late to change where they go to pre-school if they're starting next week? 

Presumably you will have until January to make your application for Reception starting in 2015? Could you have an informal chat with the head teacher at this stage and try to suss out where the school stands on donor conception before you make a decision. 

I'm not Catholic so I don't know whether it's likely to be a big deal or not. But I assume you are Catholic (and committed enough to want to send your children to a Catholic school) and you have chosen egg donation so I assume it's not a total no-no in the Catholic faith? 

I hope your worries are unfounded and your children are happy at their new pre-school


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## Jacobsmum (Feb 23, 2013)

Dear Dempsey

Before I waffle on, it's important to note that I am *not* a Catholic, and my little one is not at a church nursery or pre-school. However, my understanding of Catholic teaching is that whilst assisted conception is not favoured by the traditionalists or the orthodoxy, any resulting child/children is/are absolutely viewed as a gift from God and as much worthy of love, respect and understanding as any other person.

'Official' teaching is against any form of conception that does not involve the (married) mother and father in conceiving through an 'act of love' - so donor treatment goes against dogma (but then so does IUI, IVF without use of donor eggs/ sperm, any treatment for single women or same sex couples or unmarried heterosexual couples). Friends I have known who are Catholic have discussed concerns about telling their priest about treatment or talking to people they know through church - asking for support spiritually etc; but most have met with very supportive and positive responses from within their church and from priests. I think the current Pope might take a more liberal line - he hasn't changed church teaching on eg homosexuality, but he has said 'who am I to judge?'...

I would think about having a chat with the head, but also if you know other families locally do any of them have experience of children being 'different' in any way and how is this viewed at that nursery/ school?It's not so much the 'catholic' thing, more the overall ethos of the school. I was very impressed when my niece started at her small nursery (established church) in a small town how 2 children were included - one had numerous and severe allergies, so they had to review how they did everything (down to the playdough they could use), the other had ADHD-type problems - but a supportive and nuturing learning environment for all the children meant that by the first Christmas party a bunch of tiny tots were all perfectly able to tell their parents 'no X can't eat _that_ cake, silly, you have to give her one from _that_ plate!' and they all knew a few calmer (designed to avoid over-stimulation for the ADHD little one) games that they enjoyed playing and meant everyone had a good time. I want a school that will respect my little boy, and also all of the other unique individuals who will go there, and their differences too. The kinds of school where kids are picked on for wearing glasses or where children with disabilities are less 'included' might be ones to avoid.

Also, are you in touch with any other DC children/ families? I am planning to keep in touch with folk I met through an infertility support group and through a DCN local group because (a) they are nice people and we have things in common and (b) I want my son to feel confident about who he is, and know that while he may be in a minority at school, he will know other kids for whom the 'donor conceived' thing is part of their background. I hope that when he is 9 or 10 there will be people he knows through school, friends through our faith community, maybe friends through cubs or scouts or whatever, friends through football (I may have to learn the off-side rule!) or some other sport or activity and friends from other places that I haven't even thought of yet. Other DC kids will hopefully be part of that too.

Hope they have a great time at the nursery!

best wishes
Jacob's mum xx


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## dempsey (Jun 23, 2007)

Hi Ladies

Thank you both for your kind and information replies. 


I am sure my worries are unnecessary and I just kind of panicked a bit as I just want my girls to feel comfortable even thou i am sure it will not be a big issue. i will definitely have a chat with the head and Im am sure it will all be very accepting etc.
its only preschool so its really the decision of where they go to school from reception that will be important .My husband and family are much more relaxed and they think I am making  a big deal about it but I just want to be prepared. I think my original message was just my insecurities and putting them on paper.
Jacob's mum, thanks for info on church.I have just recently joined the DCN and I plan on getting in touch with a local group as I think it would be a great support. 
Marmot, I am a catholic but a very relaxed one. I went to catholic school and would like my girls too but would be very happy for them to go to a non catholic school, what more important is the ethos of the school. 


My girls starts preschool on tuesday, I am excited for them and me too, having some time to myself 
thanks again 
xxx


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