# Childs SW visit possible link?



## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

Hi,

Im feeling quite nervous today as we are meeting with LO's sw for a possible match. 

We found LO in an open evening and expressed and interest, then got a visit from our sw who gave us more info on lo, we decided to proceed further and a matching meeting was set up (for today) and after this meeting we get to meet childs SW ...

We have compiled a list of questions, but some some reason i feel really nervous this morning. I have tried so hard not to let my head run away with thoughts of this lo - but i just cant help it. Ive seen pics and dvd at the open day, so she has already pulled on my heartstrings and its so hard to let go.

What if they dont like us? What if they think we arnet suitable .... why are they having a matching meeting before meeting us, does this mean they like us and think we could possibly be her parents ...

Its all so confusing! Im at work atm and my head is totally shot, i cant consentrate on anything, its a wonder im still employed to be honest lol ...

Help!!!


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
Sorry, I am a bit confused...are you meeting LO's SW today or is it a different meeting that could then lead to you meeting LO's SW?
Either way, when a child feels right to you it is only natural that you will feel nervous, that you will worry about them not liking you etc etc but the SW will have been in discussion with your SW and should have got answers to any possible questions before coming to meet you.  If they are meeting with you they must think you are a good potential match and therefore like what they have read and heard.  Do you know whether they are only seeing you or are there other couples involved?
I'd say its impossible not to let your emotions get involved when you feel a child is right, seeing photos and dvds early on can add to the emotional involvement and isn't necessarily a good idea to see them until a lot futher down the line    Its a big thing meeting with a child's SW and knowing they could be the ones that make you a family.  Try to relax and be yourself, they will expect some amount of nerves.
Good luck
OT x


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## galaxy girl (Feb 12, 2008)

Good luck becky!! Hope all goes well. There was a meeting with Sw s before we were informed of possible match. So maybe that's what the first meeting is about? Our meeting with Los Sw seemed to be more about telling us all about the boys and seeing our first photos of them.


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## lea86 (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Becky39

I hope all went well today. The child's sw does not make decisions about the match, that's the purpose of going before the panel. The sw would have been given information about you before you went to the panel so if the had any real objections I really don't think you would have got that far. As a social worker myself, it very rare that I do not 'like' potential long term foster carers or adopters. It's always nice to see the children you work with have the chance to have a positive stable family life.

I hope your wishes are fulfilled!


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## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

Arghhh,
I just typed a load of stuff, hit spell check and lost it all   
Anyhow, will try again (if any spelling mistakes, i appologise now lol) 
Meeting went really well, first thing we asked was if they were looking at any other couple, they arnet! We are the only couple   
We got to watch dvd and saw some pictures of her, she is a wee dote! Say no more!    Total head over heals ...   
We are going to request to speak to her medical consultants tho, before making our final decision (family placement officer suggested this before allowing us to make a decision) just to find out exactly what the future will hold for her and how we can help her acheive her full potential should we decide she is the one. If im 100% honest, i already think she is, but am holding back until we speak to the consultants. Have told our family all about her, and they are excited for us too. 
Im not sure how long this will take for them to set up some meetings with consultants, has anyone had to have this before?


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

How exciting  Hope all's going well, any update? x


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## zen (Nov 11, 2008)

Hi Becky, just catching up on your news, sooooo exciting, tell more at the weekend  Been travelling a lot with work recently but can see a break in it for the summer. 

C


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## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

Hi Guys,

Thought you should all know (Zen, u already do) we had decided not to go ahead with this match, it broke our hearts but there was just too much to take on regarding medical conditions etc. 
So its back to the waiting list for us ...


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## lea86 (Jul 26, 2011)

That's a real shame and I'm sure it was a very difficult decision to make. However, its for the best and im sure that they'll be the perfect adopters out there for LO and that there is the perfect child waiting for you.


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Becky, that was such a brave decision you have made, my heart goes out to you   but I admire you for knowing what you want and knowing what you can cope with.

I am sure the perfect match is out there for you and I hope your LO/LO's soon.


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## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

I feel awful when u say 'the perfect child' like LO wasnt perfect enough for us, not good enough    she was ... she was adorable, BUT - it was clear she would need help and support throughout her adult life, and once we were goe, who would look after her. We have 2 BC and i couldnt put that responsibility onto them ... i just couldnt ... 

I feel awful, just awful


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Aww Becky

Had to send a hug   as I can see this decision has wrought at you. The word "perfect" can sometimes bring up negative feelings. This little one needs the best possible outcome and if that means support into adulthood and this is not your circumstances then it's more unfair on this wee one to deny them the chance.

Just my viewpoint (and know others may find it selfish) but having declined to proceed on a LO that seemed ideal but the worst case was more than we could cope with, I know we are right. It's been hard as I really did see us being her parents and now still wonder if she got matched.

I hope this helps x


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Sorry I have upset you, Becky


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## lea86 (Jul 26, 2011)

I think you misunderstood what I meant. I did not me perfect in that sense! I just meant what is right for both you and the child. I understand the difficulties that arise in caring for children with life long illnesses and as you rightly pointed out for some prospective adopters it is just not feasible to take on such a responsibility. I did not mean to offend you and I wish you all of the best with your future search for a LO.


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## muminthemaking (Jan 10, 2008)

Becky.

Be kind to yourself, you've made a very difficult decision but with the best intentions. Becky, adoption is hard enough at times without taking on something you're unsure about, it seems to me you've made the right decision for you and your family. I dont think its a case of she isnt perfect to you, but if you went ahead with this link, and that is all it is at this stage, you would be preventing _her _from being with _her_ perfect family.
All the best
Mitm


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## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

No One has upset me .... honest ...
I thought this all by myself, i use AUK and had even said in there that i feel like we have said the child is not good enough for us. Please dont think any of u have upset me, u havent honestly. 
This is just a place where i can come to rant and to get things off my chest. I tell my hubby everything but also telling it to people who know what we are going thru helps a lot. 
I KNOW we have made the right decision, i know that there are parents out there for LO, and i hope that she doesnt have to wait much longer for them. She is with FC who adore her, that was plain to see on the dvd we saw. She knew nothing about us, so she is none the wiser and for that i am very grateful. 
I know we will get through this, and i know time is a great healer. But what i will say, is i wont ever forget this little girl who came into our lives, if only for a short time, she was the first one who i beleived i could be a mummy to and part of me will alway love her for that. 
Please dont think u have offended me ladies, u really havent    Thank you for being there and letting me rant everything off my 40D's lol Xxx


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## galaxy girl (Feb 12, 2008)

Thinking of you becky .


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Lots of hugs, Becky, you've made the right decision, and it's not a reflection on whether or not the LO was 'good enough' just whether or not you and she were the right match.    You're doing great, chin up.  ((((hugs)))


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## MrsYG (Oct 30, 2007)

Becky - I'm sorry this wasn't the right match for you.  You made a brave decision, a decision that was right for the LO, so well done you!  I just hope the right one is along for you very soon   

xx


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