# Telling the NHS the Baby's Origins?



## Hope297 (Feb 21, 2008)

Hi,

I'm 8w pg with double donor and have my NHS appt for my booking in at the hospital just come through for 10w. I am planning on telling the child its origins but had planned on only telling the child and letting it decide when its older if anyone else should know.

However the NHS booklet talks about testing me for sickle cell and thallasimia which are genetic which is obviously pointless in my case. This got me to thinking is there any other medical reason why I should tell the NHS (apart from the nuchal scan which I'm having privately)? Will the hospital inform my GP? On the other hand are there any reasons apart from my fear of being "judged" why I shouldnt tell them?

I'd really appreciate peoples thoughts and experiences on what they did?

Hope
x


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

MY GP and the maternity service know that I had donor ICSI - no one has ever batted an eyelid. They are just really glad that your treatment has worked and they take extra special care of you because you have had such a struggle to get pregnant. They are more happy that the child is so wanted.
They see thousands of patients every day and could not give a monkeys how you are pregnant, just that you are safe and healthy and the baby is doing well. They have seen it all before.

I expect they are more concerned about the 14 year olds and people who smoke, drink, take drugs and don't really want their babies or who are living in poverty or abusive situations.

The genetic origins matter for Downs screening and blood disorders and there might be slightly higher risks of pre-eclampsia.

If you do say, it will be written in you hand held notes, so you would have to keep these secure and not let anyone else read them if you do not want others to know. You are supposed to carry your notes with you everywhere you go.


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## ceci.bee (Nov 1, 2008)

Congratulations on your BFP!! that is wonderfful news. I totally agree with Hazel that it is important that the antenatal service have access to medically necessary info, esp with risk assessments like Rhesus status and genetic screening - and also have found that they have been nothing but supportive and understanding of how precious our pregnancy is. I have not worried about a breach of communication (but we are being very open so not really worreid anyway) - Hazel is right only people who have access to your notes will see info so you have control. Good luck!
lots of love
C


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,

pretty sure we have discussed this before both here on donor board and also I think on Czech/Reprofit threads. On phone so can't search for links but it would be worth doing a search as I recall this being discussed at some length

from memory I think the consensus was that the key medical reasons were nuchal scan where age of egg  donor needs to be used for calculation and possible increased risk of pre-eclampsia.

other issue is what you say when asked about father/mother's medical history - do you lie and give yours knowing it is irrelevant?  and they do ask at booking in appt....

not sure if this info passed to GP but I think not  

I'm single and used double donor. I told my midwife at booking in appt so it's in my notes but has never been an issue. Midwife said good for me, sonographer at 12wk scan just asked age of donor and then went about her business...consultants/registrars (I am expecting twins so see consultant  team every 4wks) have never mentioned it at all (the double donor aspect that is) I was all geared up to deal with judgemental comments from the medical people and to have to defend my choices (epec as had tx abroad which can be frowned on by NHS) but have in reality not experienced any at all...

totally understand and respect the idea that it's the child's info to share as and when they want to but it will be quite some time before they are old enough to understand and make that choice and in the meantime you have to do what is best for them...which is tough and I'm sure this won't be the last time the issue arises..I am personally inclined to think it's easier to be upfront with doctors etc now to save any confusion in the future (espec around relevance or not of your family mdical history etc) 

good luck whatever you decide and congrats on your pregnancy
Suitcase
x


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## Nada Surf (Aug 10, 2009)

Hello, everyone!


We've just been to the first appointment with our NHS midwife this morning.  We had donor egg IVF abroad and our UK satellite clinic has already sent a referral letter to our GP, which our midwife has read.  The letter mentions 'donor egg IVF'.


I was a bit worried about her guessing our babies' origin because of my age (45), but I felt it's best not to hide any vital information, ie. donor egg and donor's age.  Our midwife was so happy for our successful outcome, she didn't say anything negative about us having been abroad nor my age.  She was too busy gathering information and getting paperworks sorted.


We will tell medical people, family and very close friends about our babies' origin, but we are not going to tell anyone at antenatal class and certainly not our neighbours!


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## Hope297 (Feb 21, 2008)

Thanks girls its really reassuring to hear that you havent been judged. I went to the EPU earlier this eyar and got the third degree from someone at the hospital about why I went abroad (I didnt even mention donor) and why and I ended up trying to defend my decision which has made me wary!


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

I do understand your wariness - my GP was not at all helpful during my tx and at one point more or less told me outright I was taking dangerous risks going to Czech for tx. I have simply requested a different GP at the practice since then   

My midwife could not have been nicer about it, and no one else has really mentioned it, although it is in my notes. I know it's tough when you are pregnant and have hormones all over the place and are feeling perhaps more sensitive than usual but remember you have paid your National Insurance etc etc over the years and are as much entitled to use the NHS as the next person - you do not have to defend or justify your decision to anyone. At the end of the day they are providing a service, so if you are unhappy with your treatment in any way, take it up with them (there are formal channels to make complaints re hospitals/midwives etc if you need them)

Hopefully you won't need any of this as your midwife etc will be as nice as mine but if things don't go to plan don't let them get away with it!

Best of luck,
Suitcase
x

PS I'm not as 'bolshy' as this post might make me sound    I just hate the thought that anyone should be made to feel bad about opting for tx abroad when the options for fertility tx in the UK are so limited/expensive etc and I don't think anyone should have to justify their decision if they've been paying into the NHS for years anyway....


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## Hope297 (Feb 21, 2008)

I know waht you mean, when i left the consult room I was really angry and really angry at myself for even trying to justify it to him   .  At the time I was losing the pregnancy so its even more annoying in hindsight that he did what he did when I was at my most emotionally vulnerable.

BTW I booked the holiday for April after your sound advice   

x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

makes me mad that they feel they have the right to judge- and how insensitive at such a traumatic time for you   

excellent news re holiday - enjoy


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## Oceana (Aug 31, 2010)

Kind of ironic you have medical staff at home trying to put you off going overseas when feedback from most that have done it say they received better service in doing so and didn't feel like they were treated like number like they were at home 
My specialist at home at my last appointment apologized that he couldn't have done more here and that I had to go overseas, at least he has the sense to see how the laws placed on ivf in Australia (like in the UK) means that there are next to no donors and that what I was doing was the best solution.


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## daisy70 (Aug 9, 2009)

Hope,
Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
We are planning doing the same as you - not telling anyone except the child/ren when old enough, then it is their decision who to tell or not tell.  So we have not told any of our healthcare professionals, except when the sonographer was completing the blood test envelope for the nuchal test I told them so that they could put the donor's age on there, but I don't think this information is anywhere else, and not in my handheld notes.  As you are having a private nuchal test anyway this won't be an issue for you.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
Daisy70 xx


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