# Feeling stuck :/



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi ladies,

I have been going through a really tough time at work which has led to me being forced to leave, didn't really have any other choice. I am trying to look into constructive dismissal but even if I do take them to court it will cost over £1000 which I don't have! I've started up my own business with a company but working as self employed but it's not going great at the moment and the money is pants at the moment because i'm just starting out and learning the business etc. My fiancé is working all hours to support us and is always tired so we haven't had sex in forever and I feel really useless. If I had a baby and no job it wouldn't be a problem because I would have a wonderful baby to look after but I haven't. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful fiancé and 2 beautiful little bunnies but my life feels empty and I just feel so useless! I can't get another job because of medical problems and being stuck at home is starting to take it's toll. I can do housework till i'm blue in the face but I don't get paid for that! Therefore useless! 

I'm taking myself off my anti-depressants because I'm fed up of being on tablets (Don't worry i'm doing it slowly) but have any of you got any advice for me? feeling rubbish 

Carls xx


----------



## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Ah honey I am so sorry you feel like this  

I think you need to go back to your GP and see about getting counselling. You aren't useless, it's depression that makes you feel useless. Also, talk to them about the tablets - I know you hate taking those tablets, but they can really help.

A baby isn't going to make everything perfect, I know it feels like it will, but it won't. Maybe try and focus on your business. It's hard doing something new but it's a brilliant thing and will take time. 

With this whole baby thing I think we all feel like the worlds spinning so fast and we can't do anything about it and have no control, but you can try and take some small bits of control back. Maybe look and see if there is anything that could help your business (networking events, courses on tax etc).

I hope you feel able to talk to someone, your partner or a friend, and that you feel a bit better soon. Don't be hard on yourself x x x


----------



## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Carls, I have to agree with Cloudy, I think you need to go back to your GP and discuss your coming off the anti depressants before discontinuing them. It does sound to me like you would benefit more from counselling than from drugs. 

I do think you are probably trying to do everything at once. If you are trying to get a business off the ground then you need to focus on this. As much as you are eager to start baby making, I think it's clear from your posts and your sig that this is  something that is not going to happen imminently. If you were much older I think you would be well justified to approach it with some urgency, but you do have time on your side right now. I know this does not take away the longing but mentally and physically you're not ready. Think about getting yourself mentally, physically and financially fit first. you may find that letting go of the idea of having a baby for the next 12 months may be quite liberating and free you up emotionally to concentrate your energies where you need to put them.

Regarding work, I hate to say it but unless you have followed your employer's grievance process to the full and done everything you can to try and resolve the issues while in post, you will have no case at all. Again, I think you should let go of this idea and move on; focus your energy on your business. 

I don't know if you have a business plan drawn up, but I think a good place to start is to do this; if you are selling something you need to know what you are selling, who your customer is, what they are prepared to pay for it and whether you can produce what they want cost effectively, within their budget and with a small profit to you. Also worth looking into grants and loans that could be awarded to small start up businesses, and into what training you can obtain (and if you can get this subsidised) to improve your skill set for your business. Bear in mind that, again, it is very uncommon for a business to do anything but make a loss for the first year or so. You can expect a certain amount of financial hardship. You could sign up with a temping agency or take some temp work to subsidise your income while you are going through this difficult patch.

Wishing you lots of luck. 

C~x


----------



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you both for replying.

I have asked the GP for counselling before but I do not qualify it, all the Rightsteps people offered me was talking over the phone! So not great. Yes I know I need to focus more on the business but it's so hard to do that when everything else around me is falling apart. It's confusing. I will look into training events though, I am really anxious but I suppose it could do me good! 

MY GP is rubbish, no help at all! I have another appointment with my fertility consultant on Thursday so I hope it's good news from them as I have lost nearly a stone since I last saw them! 

Thanks again ladies xx


----------



## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Carls305 said:


> MY GP is rubbish, no help at all!


Find another GP! 

C~x


----------



## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Agree with Caz - sack off your GP!  

Book an appointment and reiterate your request. If they say no again politely ask them for the telephone number for PALS and advise them that you know your rights but unfortunately they don't appear to know their own job  

Good luck with the courses. When I was out of work I was super anxious about my future, but found a few one day courses (therefore not requiring any type of long-term commitment) really helped boost my confidence x


----------



## duckybun (Feb 14, 2012)

Hey Carls,

I'm self employed and work from home, and I tend to spend a lot of time on my own when working on projects. It is very hard to keep yourself motivated when there are other major life stressors affecting you as there is t the comaraderie of an office and colleagues around so I totally understand how you may be feeling. What's really important is developing a routine and being disciplined with yourself. You cannot allow yourself to sit at your work desk and mull over your fertilty journey all day! I remember when I started out reading an article about the painter man ray whose studio was in his home. He would get up every morning at the same time. Shower breakfast get dressed for work, and leave the house as if going to work... Walk around the block and come back but go through the back door and that was his ritual for getting into the mind set of 'being at work' he them 'left work' at the end of the day and reversed the procedure!!  It sounds crazy but it is actually very logical. Being self employed and working from home are difficult to be successful at and it takes practice to find the right way to make it work for you. On days when my mind wanders and I'm feeling lonely and down I take my lap top to the coffee shop up the road and just sit there for a few hours researching so it feels like I'm not festering in the house.... Makes me more productive and focuses me to actually work!

I also agree with the other ladies about you back and seeking more support from your gp, you should definitely not be stopping your anti depressants without speaking to them first. It sounds like you may well need to stay on them for a little longer honey.  

X let us know how you are getting on Hun x

Ducky


----------



## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Hi Duckybun,

I'm in the same situation: started my company about a year ago, working from home. I made that career change specifically to take good care of my future baby.... pretty ironic since I'm still not pregnant, and spend all my days alone at my desk. 

But I make an effort to go out once a day, usually to go the gym or for groceries. When I'm angry, I take a break to clean my flat, it helps a bit.

And focussing on work is good, it makes me feel productive, as if at least there is one thing I can achieve in this senseless world.

Good luck to everyone!
xx


----------

