# Finding early pregnancy after 3 MCs diffiicult



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi I have recently had a successful FET and it's very early days, being only 5 weeks 4 days. My clinic don't do beta blood tests and originally scheduled my first scan on 31st, a wait of over 3 weeks!   I was sort of managing ok until this morning when I stupidly used my spare Clear Blue test and it came up 2-3 (i.e. 4-5 weeks pg). It has at least gone up from 1-2 when I tested just over a week ago, but now I'm thinking it should have said 3+!   I did use 2nd urine not 1st so that probably didn't help. I'm so fed up of all these challenges, can't concentrate on work today and have been crying all morning 

The wait has got on top of me today! It's so much horrible pressure after having 3 losses and now being 40. I even wondered if my main pg symptom had decreased this morning (tender swollen breasts). I've managed to reschedule my scan so I don't have to wait quite so long & my nice GP has agreed to do s couple of blood tests so I can check for hormone doubling etc, but it is such a nightmare waiting. I feel so upset today and frightened of another failure/loss  

I'm so glad to have reached this stage, but my experiences last year & previously have scarred me I think! Any ideas how to get through the first few weeks?   (Apart from avoiding Clear Blue tests)

Thanks xx


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Huge   Merlin xx

I'm so sorry that you're having a wobble today.  Clear Blue seems to cause waaayyy more stress than any other test.  There could be a million different reasons for a slightly lower estimate, not the first wee of the day could be a huge one though.  Getting your beta done will be a far more accurate, fingers crossed that your test is really soon.

I wish that I had some good advice on getting through the wait but this is uncharted waters for me too    As a fellow over 40, 1 miscarriage (about 5 weeks too) and lots of failed cycles, I really get your anxiety.  This being all so unexpected for me, I think that it's a little easier to relax a little, I've still been having a little wobble today.

On my only other experience, people kept saying to just enjoy the little bubble of right now but I just couldn't and I was stressed the entire time.  It's easier for me now but I think that's only because of the shock of it all.  

All you can do is take care of yourself, if you have any relaxation cds then try these or make sure that you at least go for a little walk to clear your head a little.

Thinking of you xxx


----------



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Ah thank you Molly   All the effort thst goes into preparing for & doing ivf, the 2ww & then waiting for scans is exhausting! I'm glad your pg is a natural one this time and I wish you every bit of luck. It's true that each pg is a new, different one, so I guess it helps to remember that   Hopefully our first scans will be ok & not too long to wait  

Thanks for replying and tske care! xxx


----------



## hayleye (Sep 29, 2014)

Hi Merlin13,
I just saw your post pop up on the Recent Topics list and thought I'd reply. I know how hard it is to stop your mind working overtime. I know you've been through harder times than me and I do hope everything goes well for you. When I fell pg second time round I just tried to keep myself grounded and tell myself not to get too worked up. First time I was reading web pages about what development stage my bean was at every week, thinking about every twinge and overthinking everything so I felt so stupid after I had the m/c. Second time round I vowed I wouldn't get my hopes up. I had no pg symptoms both times so couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing. For me, it was only when I had a 10 week scan and saw a heart beat when I actually felt like I'd been told that I was pregnant! I cried at the clinic.
A 10 wk scan is a little earlier than most, can you have one at that stage? It would bring it a little closer. I had my own private scan at 13 wks for checking downs, and I saw that as another milestone.
You have got through that first important stage with your BFP and that is excellent news. I think the best thing is to look after yourself, pamper yourself, only think about you if possible and try not to worry too much as unfortunately its all a tense waiting game now. That might be poor advice, cos I know one's mind can be cruel but try not to let it race. I'm not even sure I could follow my own advice!


----------



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi Hayleye, thanks   Wow you did well waiting til 10 weeks for your scan! I was thinking 8 weeks was impossible   I was managing alright until today, but I'll just have to pull myself together again. And remind myself of plan B & C if needed. You did very well being grounded   Yes I might book a facial or something! I need an off switch for my brain   It's very kind of you to reply, this forum is really supportive. All the best to you too xx


----------



## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

Hi, Merlin -- big hugs to you.    

I really wish they would take those stupid ClearBlue Digital tests off the market -- they seem to cause more women more stress than any other kind. And I'm saying that as a serial early tester!

Are you going for a private scan at 8 weeks? If you have a good heartbeat then, your miscarriage risk drops to less than 2%, so it might be comforting for you.

Wishing you and your bean all the best.


----------



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi thanks Crazy   I agree, they should take them off the market!   I've managed to move my scan to next week at nearly 7 weeks, so fingers crossed for that bit now!   Thanks so much xx


----------



## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

You'll def see something at 7 weeks Merlin, it's really hard esp for us over 40's to feel confident about carrying to term as the stats are very offputting, try to not let the past overshadow your present joy


----------



## LuluLimon (Jan 17, 2014)

Firstly congrats! Its tough after several mcs but really try to relax and focus on getting through the days. That said I had scans nearly every week until our harmony tezt- I just couldn't believe it. It does get better but my nerves were shot. Focus on eating well and staying mentally strong. Also did a pregnancy daily relaxation CD by Circle and Bloom. Used their ivf one. Helpful for getting to sleep!
X


----------



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Thanks Blondie   yes you're right and luckily I know plenty of women in the world have had successful pregnancies in their 40's even after losses   Yep I think after 6 weeks there's a good chance of seeing a heartbeat but I guess at 7+ more so.

Thank you also Lulu and for giving me the opportunity to congratulate you on the birth of your little boy recently, I'm so happy for you!   How wonderful. I think I need weekly scans too and will be begging my NHS hosp for lots when my clinic discharges me! I've got some Circle & Bloom CDs, they are really good  

I really appreciate the support ladies   xx


----------



## Maggiephatcat (Feb 21, 2010)

Merlin - I hope you don't mind me posting but I've been following your journey for a while now, since I started moderating the 'over 40's' board. I can't tell you how pleased I am to see you have a BFP   I can totally empathise with how nervous you are feeling. I always thought when I got my BFP (I had a chemical pregnancy before my successful FET) that would be the end to the constant worry that comes during the run up to transfer   it sounds like you have the support of your GP which is brilliant. I'll be crossing fingers, toes and everything else I can cross for you and pray that this is your time  



Maggie xxx


----------



## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi merlin

Firstly- congratulations!!

Had to reply to your post as know exactly how you are feeling.  I also had 3 mcs and also 3 failed ivfs - then when I got pregnant this time I was beyond terrified.  In the early days I became obsessed with having blood tests and hcg levels - until my consultant banned me from any more! 

It is a scary time- but all I can say is keep positive, take one day at a time , look after yourself and there is no reason why all should not be well at the scan. Lots of women have successful pregnancies in their 40s after recurrent mc/ failed IVF.  I'm now 34 weeks and have worried all the way throug- but you'll find the midwives/hospitals will understand your fears and concerns.  We've had lots of reassurance scans and also paid for a few private extras when panic has overcome me!

Try and step away from the clear blue if possible- I know it's hard- I spent a fortune on those things!

Good luck for your scan. Will keep everything crossed for a smooth and easy pregnancy for you  xx


----------



## Guest (Mar 16, 2015)

Maggie thanks that's so nice of you   I really appreciate it. Yes I'm so glad my GP is lovely, as is my clinic and my nhs consultants, it does help   Thankvyou I hope it's our time at last   We would have one final fresh go if necessary but I so hope it isn't! All the best xx

Louise thank you so much too!   It does help to hear from people who have been through it and almost out the other side   congrats to you too! No more Clear Blue tests though   Thanks for writing and good luck with your arrival soon xx


----------



## Rosalind73 (Apr 25, 2012)

Hi Merlin,

Totally sympathise with what you are going through - I've had 3 miscarriages also and a chemical pregnancy too.

After the first miscarriage I was quite nervous during my second pregnancy, but then during my third pregnancy my anxiety levels went through the roof and I was a complete nervous wreck. Symptom spotting (or lack of symptom spotting) the whole time, and if I'm honest I was just waiting for it to be all over.

I found the scans the worst - I was literally shaking with fear when I had to have them. I was being seen under a recurrent miscarriage clinic who were monitoring me every 2 weeks and it was supposed to be reassuring, but I don't think it was really (didn't help that one of the sonographers there was a complete cow (wanted to say bi**ch but it won't let me) - the worst person in the world to be working in a recurrent miscarriage clinic). And then when I did have scans that were okay I was literally only reassured for about 3 hours before worrying again.

Not sure how I will cope if I do get pregnant again, so I totally and utterly get where you're coming from. You just have to get through the next few weeks and then you'll be fine.

Perhaps it might be better to take the opposite tack (which I think I might do if I ever get pregnant again) and that is to have less scans and less bloods etc. as they are just too scary. Trouble with that is that it's better to know sooner rather than later if all has gone wrong.

Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world and looking forward to hearing about your positive 12 week scan.

xxx


----------



## Guest (Mar 17, 2015)

Thank you Rosalind   I guess I will just have to wait until my scan next week and try not to think too much & keep occupied. Yes it's so difficult having experienced things not working out previously and still waiting to start a fsmiky at this age, so much more pressure. I would like to be able to think 'what will be will be' but it's not always that easy   You just have to hope for the best and deal with whatever happens. Sorry you had s horrible sonographer, that doesn't help. I hope you have a nice one next time.
All the best to you xx


----------



## Guest (Mar 17, 2015)

Today was worse than yesterday  Sitting writing this just reminds me that ive spent the last 3 years focusing on having a family, ttc and having miscarriages, what a life. I don't know if we would have been better off going straight down the adoption route as everything has been put on hold and life has been so miserable   Hard going.


----------



## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

Oh, goodness.    Big hugs to you, dear.    

Do you think maybe your little passenger is pumping you full of hormones? Not saying your feelings aren't perfectly valid, just that you sound like maybe the hormonal whirlwind of pregnancy might be amplifying things a bit. If so, maybe that's a good sign!

I hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Guest (Mar 17, 2015)

Thank you Crazy, I hope so. I hope there is a passenger  
   to you too xxx


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh sweetie, I agree with CrazyHorse, you sound hopelessly hormonal and that could be a very good thing  

You sound exactly how I felt after my cycles, it just gets to a point when you are emotionally exhausted and can't believe that something good can happen to you.  We spend so long building up and desperately striving  to get where you are and then it is unbelievable and overwhelming when it actually happens.  The past also controls our self belief and trust that we can have a happy ever after.

Just try to have a bit of space today, I know that it is so hard but detach yourself from negativity.  The best piece of advice I think that I had is through a Mindfulness course, it was so simple, just to think about just a few things that give you pleasure today.  It could be a cup of tea, the sun on your face .....

Take care sweetie xxx


----------



## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

I agree with Molly a gazillion percent - I am a big fan of positive psychology, we too often focus on what we don't have not what we have and can be thankful for - and I also agree take delight in the small things, I love my walk to work, I discovered LOST (yeah yeah after a decade!!) and look forward to that. 

Be kind to yourself you are doing something wonderful, and wonderful is rarely a straight and boring path. 

Your FF family are sending big hugs
xxx


----------



## Guest (Mar 18, 2015)

Thanks Molly and Chooshoos    xxI'll just have to wait til my scan and make the best of things after that. I have access to mindfulness & relaxation strategies and am using them when I can.

Chooshoos I also got into Lost last summer, me & DH watched the entire box set and I loved it!! It was just my kind of thing and kept me going for months, so I hope you enjoy it too!  

This journey is not for the faint hearted and i wouldn't wish it on anyone!


----------



## bernard (Mar 16, 2015)

Hi Merlin
How are you?
I really empathise with you.  I have just found out this week, Tuesday, that I am pregnant.  I was just about to start a monitoring cycle at the ARGC but got a BFP!  
I am 41 and have also had 3 mc since last Christmas.  The last being at 10 weeks last August.  
I am constantly torn between excitement and complete terror. 
So far bloods are doing ok but it doesn't stop me groping my boobs every 10 minutes...it's all wrong!  
Anyway, thinking of you and sending a hug
x


----------



## Guest (Mar 21, 2015)

Hi Bernard, congratulations!    

I'm really sorry about your losses too   Yes it's different to being pregnant with no past MCs, but it can be done & reading about others whove been there and eventually had a healthy baby can provide encouragement  

Im glad your bloods are ok. I've been groping my boobs all the time too!   This last week has been really awful, but I feel a bit calmer today. I had 2 blood tests this week thanks to my GP as my clinic don't do them, but im worried they're a bit low/slow   My DH used his work animal ultrasound machine last night and was excited as he thought he could make out an embryo in a sac, but I cant bring myself to get carried away or feel relief yet, as I'm so scared   My scan is next week so will take it from there  

Thanks for your nice reply and good luck!!    xx


----------

