# a question



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

A question for all you lovely people who have already gone through this.
How do you know which child is right for you??

We were shown some profile yesterday and asking for more information on two, but to be honest I felt entirely deflated looking at profiles. I only felt a pull towards one but they were at top end of age range and lots of issues so not feeling like we'd be able to meet all their needs. Another looks almost spot on in almost everything and asking for more info on BM. I'm not sure if I feel less pull cause no.2 is younger and from a different LA so there wasn't as much detail on personality etc.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

hi Arrows.

not sure if i am much help but didnt want to read and run 

When looking at some profiles with SW through HS I felt it was quite difficult to see if these were our children as not enough to go on.  Since Xmas i have been going through some profiles from BMP etc and found these easier to imagine and even keep thinking about one littlie (but now concerned as this may be to do with the photos so I will be reading the responses with a very vested interest.

Exciting times!
G xox


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## Lulu2003 (Jan 10, 2006)

we had one match with no photos but we got more of a feel for her from speaking to our social worker who had met her.

we agreed we'd like to take it forward and then saw photos and dvd which was fab.

we are in intros now with her moving in soon!

I would suggest speaking to someone who has met the little one as paper doesn't give you much to go on.


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Hi 

Our daughter was placed last summer and hers was the first CPR that we read. We didn't see a photo until much further down the line so we weren't swayed by her gorgeous cuteness 

We felt an instant spark when we read about her personality but there were a couple of worries that we weren't sure about, then we spoke to her SW (and later FC) who really brought her to life for us and helped us through our questions.

Although desperate to see a photo, I am glad we didn't because it helped us to be more objective.

I am sorry this isn't a very helpful reply, but when we read her profile, we just 'knew'........ 

Good luck!


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I'm afraid I can't be much help either.  DS's was the first CPR we saw and it had a photo which showed how adorable he was.  With DD I saw quite a few CPR's, all with photos, which were all very appealing.  DH and I spent a lot of time weighing up the pros and cons of each.  I can't say I felt more drawn to DD than the others but her CPR had a lot more positive aspects.  It all sounds very clincial however when I met her it was love at first sight.

My best advice is go with your gut instinct, you will know if it is right for you.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
Gut instinct for us both times.
First time round DS was the 2nd cpr we read.  The first we read full of excitement, on cloud 9 as we were the ones they wanted, but as we read we felt ourselves coming down to earth with a big bump.  We then spent a week trying to convince ourselves we could take on all the issues but it just didn't feel right.
With DS we had a totally different feeling, we read it expecting to be disappointed but actually felt ourselves getting excited even though there were a couple of concerns.
2nd time round we read loads of cprs and profiles, some were possibles but most of them we knew from reading the cpr just weren't right for our family.  DDs was full of uncertainties but my gut feeling was that everything would be fine and it has turned out better than fine.
We both read the cprs separately and made notes on issues, feelings and then talked through our thoughts and whether we wanted to pursue it further.
Good luck
OT x


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

thanks guys. Now had our second opinion visit with head of dept (standard practice in our LA) and 4wks to go til approval panel.
We requested more info but when we talked to head SW felt that there was still so much to do before going to panel (our SW lost our chronologies!) so better to focus on that. WE're going to look into options after panel, but especially as she has mentioned other children in the works who aren't in profile folder yet that she is keeping in her mind.


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi arrows. Best of luck for panel. Personally for us, our girls kinda choose us. We turned down a few matches first that didn't seem right for us, different reasons, uncertain disabilities that we felt we are not experienced enough to care for the lo's and other was level of contack with birth family.
We saw our girls photo and couldn't take our eyes off them. Alot say they don't want to see photos but our s/w read out CPR first and then when we said we were interested saw their photo and all rolled from there. 

sweets x x


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

thanks Sweets.
We have had to do some additional last minute bits and bobs for the PAR so all gotten a bit much especially trying to do my course which is now suffering, having done nothing for 2 wks. I'm a week behind now (after being 2/3wks ahead) so got 4 assignments due on Thursday which is not so good. 
As a result, we've asked SW to wait to talk to us about any further children's details until after panel so we can focus on more immediate concerns. My aim is still to finish my course ideally 6wks early -though at this rate I'm not sure if I'll manage!


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