# Danuna (the wanna be surrogate)



## Danuna (Apr 27, 2005)

If it makes anyone feel any better...

After my fifth negative my doctor has signed me off for two weeks due to reactive depression even though we're not doing IVF.  I can't look at a pregnant woman without thinking "lucky *****" just because she can do something that I'm finding so difficult to achieve.  I feel like I've been put through an emotional and physical shredder.  I'm not sure what's worse, the thought of giving up, or the thought of carrying on.  This whole process of period, wait, insemination, wait, negative, period, wait is soul destroying and disappointing.

And you know what? I'm the surrogate.  I'm not the one that wants the baby; but this whole process is driving me round the twist.

My point is that if this process can get the normally happy me into this state and you're experiencing any of the above symptoms and still managing to get up in the morning you're one **** of a better woman than I am.  The process is bad enough without adding the agony of wanting a baby.

Am I particularly bothered by the fact that I'm not coping with the serenity of a saint like all the books say I should?  Errr no.  Most saints ended up being martyrs and martyrs get killed.  I intend to survive this, at least long enough to give my mates their baby.

The point is ladies, anyone that goes through a medicated cycle of fertility treatment is a hero in my book - however she deals, or does not deal with it.

Sending you a cyberhug with loads of love.

Danuna/Cybermintz

PS Please no talk about surrogates being angels.  I'm not an angel.  Angels spend at least one month of the year with a Christmas tree stuck up them, would anyone wish that on me? No?  Well then.  The ****** insem syringe is bad enough.


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

HI Danuna

I've been following your story on and off and I just wanted to say that I think you're amazing.  So selfless for your mates.  I will be keeping my fingers crossed that soon I'll be reading about your BFP and wish you all the luck in the world.            

Lots of love
Allison xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Heston26 (Aug 25, 2004)

Hi Danuna,

The way you write is inspired! The fact that you can joke when you are so down!
I love reading your posts!

Keep your chin up, it's tough and it is amazing to hear the effect that the process has had on you even though you don't have the longing for a baby of your own. It just goes to show the pain that is caused when we have no contol over our bodies.
We always want something we can't have!

I so hope that you are able to get your BFP for your dear friends, what a precious gift you are giving them.

I wish I had further words of wisdom but I feel that it's all been said before.

Good luck and I will be following your story and keeping everything crossed for you.

Take care

Francescax


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## me!!! (Jul 3, 2005)

hi iv jst gone through my 6th go this time i was good but frosies was obviously to cold i think they took after me id be no good if i was in a freazer eather my house is centeraly heated but me always cold your letter realy made me and my old man laugh which is what we need at moment keep going and youl get there just remember most women weather natural or assisted dont fall every time and acording to zita west she says we should wait for spring and summer well that is if times on our side anyway take care all of you no you will get there


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## Danuna (Apr 27, 2005)

Well, it really is over.  Seven days post ovulation and I'm cramping up and bleeding very heavily. The old witch has had her way once again.

I guess that this story is not going to have a happy ending.  Goddess knows the three of us have tried.  I can't help but think that if they had been chosen another surrogate that they would be well on their way to having their baby by now, but we'll never know.  Hey I'll bounce back.  It's not like I've lost anything. I just don't know how my friends are going to carry on; but they've been through worse hell than this.  It just shows you how strong the human spirit can be.  

I'm not sure where I go from here, so I'm going to take a while just to feel sad about it.  As my sister says "paddle in self pity if you must, but don't wallow in it or it'll drown you" - don't you just love little sisters?  Anyone else want to paddle with me, just for a few days?

Thanks to Allison Kate, Heston26 and Me!!! for replying.  It really means a lot to me. - and to everyone else for reading this post.


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