# ANOTHER MIRACLE cycle buddies no. 8



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Time for a new thread.

CYCLING  
 
Spangle
Helenab
Suzy
Encore
Scoop
Marteen
Hun
Encore
jojomama

IN_BETWEENIES 

Tracey72
CJ
Emma73
Succotash
Scruffyted
Fragile
Sher
Imogen

PREGNANT  

Bev FET EDD -

Karen - IVF - EDD -

Clare_S - natural conception - EDD - 13/7/06

Cookies - natural conception

Dixie - IUI

Betty M - IVF

Dopey Dinah - medicated FET

Helenab - ICSI

I've taken anyone off who hasn't posted for a while, so please let me know if you want putting back on. And again, apologies to anyone I've missed, its not intentional, just Alzheimers now I'm 40 !
[br]Posted on: 17/06/06, 07:30HI everyone,

Well, I'm sure I'm not pg as I did an early pg test that is supposed to turn positive 5-7 days before AF is due yesterday and it was neg. Af is due on Tuesday so the test was done 4 days before AF. I was hopeful as well because my breasts are sore and they were on my bfp cycle with ds, but not on my bfn cycles. I haven't got an official test day.

I've been really upset again (its the crinone I'm sure), as I found out my mothers group all went out for one of the mothers leaving party last night (she's going to Hong Kong), and I only found out about it when a friend rang and asked me if I wanted a lift. The person who arranges these things is my estranged friend - so I know she has deliberately left me out of the loop and taken me off the email list. I found this out when I checked my mobile messages on Friday at work and had to leave work as I couldn't stop crying. Dh was ****** off . so embarrassing, but I felt really really hurt. God this IF is a terrible thing.

Love,

Suzy


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## helenab

Suzy, naughty for testing. Those tests only give 50% of ladies who are preg a positive four days early. I know cos I have read and re-read the small print! NO more testing early !!    Hang on in there.

I am sorry to see your friend being so thoughtless  you have every right to be upset, drugs or no drugs!

love Helena
XXXX
[br]Posted on: 17/06/06, 09:51Spangle, great news on blasts - that is a great result and I will be keeping everything crossed for you  Glad the cake was a success - so talented!

Hun, good to have you back. How are you feeling?

Mo, sorry the appt was so difficult. As others have said, at least you have closure now and a route forward.

Hi to everyone else, will post more later got to get DH and DD out of the house for Swimming!

Love Helena
XX


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## fragile

Suzy, as Helena says those tests are only accurate in around 50 % of testers & those are testers on natural pg so could have conceived earlier.  you know when your embies went in & they could be late implanters.  Hope your sore boobs are a good sign & that you get your positive on test day.  

your estranged friend is a COW! im sure the friend who asked if you wanted a lift & all your other friends though she was a cow too when they found out your hadnt been invited.  you are obviously missed by the others or you wouldnt have been contacted to ask if you neede a lift.  could you not contact one of them & arrange to meet up with a couple of them separately?  so sorry you have been hurt in this way that is just nasty of her. 

Spangle  WOW your blasts sound fab- good luck hun & hope everyone will have a great time at the birthday party.  

Hello to everyone hope you are all ok

lol  mo x


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## encore

Suzy, sorry about your friend. i'd like to think i'd shrug it off if it were me but the truth is it would really eat away at me. i made a decision to stay away from the pee sticks last time, and i hope to do so this time as well. they are nothing but trouble. if you test positive, you just keep testing and freak out if the line colour varies, if you test negative you churn yourself up thinking about the tiny (in your mind) chance that just maybe you might be pregnant and it's just not showing up yet. they are instruments of the devil and you should chuck 'em all out. whereabouts in sydney are you? we are moving there at the end of the year.

i'm booked in for a blood test and scan on monday to see if i can start stimming. i am bricking it. during my cycle which resulted in dd, my first few days injections resulted in *negative * oestrogen levels. I only had 5 good eggs at the end after getting daily "inject now" calls, and upping my dose to 450units daily. So i thought they might put me on the short protocol this time. Anyway, i suppose i cant question it.


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## spangle

Hello,

Suzy- So sorry your once friend is being such a cow to you.  No wonder you were upset. Why are people so mean and hurtful?   . No wonder you feel upset. 
Have to say I agree with the others too about testing- too early, hang on in there.  

Encore- You are so right about the dreaded pee sticks !!! Fingers crossed your scan for stimming goes ok on Monday.

Mo- thanks for words of support. We have had a lovely party and am now chilling ,it was lovely. When I next feel blue about all this infertility lark  - when my rollercoaster is on a dip/  when I feel narked about yet another negative clearblue  I will remind my self about the special moments that make all the heartache so worthwile.

Helena- Hope you are ok- so want to join you soon on the new thread ! Thank you for your support. 

I am soo not enjoying all this football    

Take care,

love

Spangle


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## Hun

Hi all

Suzy  for you and   for your friend. It really doesn't sound like shes being very supportive or inclusive. So maybe she has the hump about something specific, and maybe she hasn't but whatever i think it could be time to try and accept that the loss of your friendship is maybe a greater loss to her than it is to you. She must want her a bit of a shake, chucking away a friend like you. Some people don't know when they are well off. Find someone who appreciates your loyalty and what you can offer.

  for your implanting embies  

Hun xx


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## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

Can I join you? I am having an FET on Thursday.  I have been on oestrogen patches for a couple of weeks and have just given myself my first progesterone injection.  Not a pleasant experience and I think I made a mistake to give it in the thigh.  It hurts like crazy now.  Any helpful tips.  It seems much worse than the stuff I had for stimming for IVF.

My little girl (an ICSI baby) is 14 months and I hope this works so she can have a sibling.  

Lynne


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## MARTEEN

Hi All

My daughter is 91/2 months and I am now in the 2ww after a 5 day blastocyst was transferred on Wednesday.  I am testing 26 June.

Good luck to everyone, hoping we all get another miracle baby, our little angels from heaven!!

Love

Teen


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

BFN for me I"m afraid. Sneaked in another HPT yesterday and no line and today the   arrived. Does anyone have any idea about whether or not the more you do it, the greater the chance of success at some stage? I want to keep persisting, but my clinic told me that after 4 bfn cycles, your chance of success falls dramatically. But is that the same if you already have had success with IVF? I'm going to have one natural cycle, and then another go, which means I"ll have to d/r for two weeks as I've got skiing in August.

Hi to lynne and welcome to the thread. Good luck for this cycle. Is this needle thicker than your stimming needle? Is the injectoin subcutaneous or intramuscular? I'm an expert on needles - have given thousands in my time . The faster the needle goes in, and the slower you inject the substance, the less it hurts. So don't try to put the needle in really slowly, a quick stab is best.

Spangle - I was so impressed with your blasts. For one to be hatching - its a really good sign. You really deserve success with this cycle, after what you've been through.

Hun - thanks for your kind words about my "friend". I know I have to accept the loss of the friendship and I am trying to do that - its hard when she is deliberately vindictive and it affects my friendship with other in the group. I hope d/r is going smoothly and you aren't been driven crazy with it.

Encore - we live in Turramurra, about half an hours drive north of the city centre. How exciting for you to be coming to Sydney. We'll have to meet up. Ask me anything you need to know.

Marteen - good luck for this cycle, keep that little blast warm.

Scoop - hope your blood test and the thaw goes OK for tomorrow.

Fragile - sorry you had such a bad experience with the doc. Stories like that really upset me. Some basic human kindness is missing there. Glad something positive came out of it in the end.

Hi to everyone else, Scruffyted, hope you are hanging in there, succotash, CJ and all.

Love,

Suzy


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## helenab

oh Suzy, I'm so sorry.  I was sure it was going to work.  A dip in success rates after 4 attempts is news to me.  Not something I have heard before.  You know you can get pregnant and go to terms so it is a case of waiting for the right embie to come along (at least that is what the clinic told me!).

Sending you the biggest hug.

Spangle how are you doing?

will do more  personals later

lots of love
Helena
XXX


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## emma73

I'm so so sorry suzy - I was sure that this would be "the one". I too have heard about the drop in sucess rates after several attempts - but dont know too much about it. Also you have just had a natural bio chem - and have had a term pregnancy - so it must be different. 

I'm worrying about my FSH levels as I'm a bit nuerotic and have been reading up on wheatgrass. I've read about a few stories in the past couple of days of people getting IVF BFN's then discovering wheatgrass and getting a natural BFP. Get gulping that - if youre not already!!

Lots of love 

Emma xxxx


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## Hun

hi all

Suzy - I am so sorry sweetie  I have hoped so hard that this was the one for you. I know its hard when the biological clock is ticking, but perhaps you need a little break to let your body get back to normal. After the biochem maybe your body was just not ready this time.

I am not a statistician, but based on a couple of papers I read in scientific journals, and my husbands nerdy mathematician spreadsheets   I think the cumulative pregnancy rate continues to rise up until about cycle 7 of IVF, and then it plateaus off. How that applies when you have already had success I am not sure though...

I have just been for baseline and things are not looking good. After nearly 4 week on the  d/r juice, I have busy ovaries, with something that looks like a lead follicle (but could be a cyst). I also have a thicker than it should be lining. In other words I reckon this cycle will be cancelled - but the clinic will call to confirm later.
Frankly I'm gutted    Firstly for my recipient whoc will get bad news today, and secondly for me cos I have such a bloomin tight schedule at work lord only knows when I'll be able to reschedule. Sometimes I think that maybe no2 is not meant to be. It is certainly looking like eggshare may be an impossibility.

Does anyone have any idea what they can do if your body refuses to d/r?

Hun xxx


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Thank you for all your good wishes, Hun Emma and Helena. I'm trying not to get too upset and I'm planning on how I am going to lose 5 kg before my mother turns up in Oz in October (very scarey as she already wants to know if I'm a 14 or a 16  - dare I tell her 18 )


Hun, that's a tough one, I don't know. Have they changed the drug? Increased the dose.Poor you getting rotton side effects (has it been four weeks - seems like less?) and then not having the effect you want.

I've just been watching Australian Big Brother. Mindless rubbish I know, but somehow its compelling listening. Mabye its becuause I can really switch off and now have a glass of wine - have polished off a bottle in the last two nights and had a very hot bath with dh and ds  to IVF - hrummmph . Distraction is the way to go at the moment.


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## omnad

Suzy- so so sorry to hear your news. I am sure if you can get pregnant once you can do it again. You have good enough embryo to take to blast.
I should think it is 'just' very bad luck, it is so frustrating and I am really sorry.
Glad to hear you are going to keep trying.
And    to your horrible 'friend'. You are better off without people like that. I have learned over the years that it is too much hassle and heartache to continue thinking about things like that. 
I live far away from my family, so you always rely on your friends and when they disappoint you it hurts. But then they are not good friends.

Hun- I am so sorry for the long d/r, don't have any advice I'm afraid. It is very difficult to find time for treatment when you're working full time.
Have you thought about taking a long holiday and be more relaxed for the treatment?

Spangle- good luck for this cycle, fingers crossed for you.

Scruffyted- hope you are ok.  

Hi emma and helen.
hello to everyone else.

no news from me, waiting to move i the next 6 weeks.
have taken some clomid and metformin from my gp, never worked before, but never tried them together.
Not holding much hope, as I don't have a cycle and can't see me ovulating suddenly. but it's cheap so worth a try  

love Sharon


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## CJ

Hi girls,

Suzy, I'm So sorry to read about your negative  , I'm not sure about your chances decreasing after a certain amount of goes (never heard of that) but I did see a prog about a woman who had 4 IVF's and she was told that should should give up basically and they decided to have just one more go and number 5 was the BFP. It was on sky that discovery channel, it was such a lovely story with a fab ending and it was the first ever pg, so I would think as you have been pg before you have every chance of getting PG again, I really hope so you've been through such a lot I didn't realise it was your 4th negative  

Hi Hun, sorry to hear your news too, I don't know what they can do, I would think they could up your d/r meds  and keep you going a bit longer, but then there might be reasons why they can do that I have know idea. I hope they can rescue the situation as it would be awful for you and the recipient after getting your hopes up and all this waiting   

Hi Emma, not heard about wheatgrass before, will look that up. How far have you got with the egg-sharing? I have sent my forms off ages ago but not heard anything back so will have to chase them up.

HI Lynne good luck with the FET, my twins are from FET so it really does work 

Hi Marteen good luck on the   hope you don't go too mad 

HI Spangle great blasts you have on board, they sound fantastic, wishing you loads of luck   

Hi Scruffyted, I hope you are still about on here Hun the place wouldn't be the same without, I don't want to be the only superstitious  mad woman on these boards   
Sending you lots of love and  

No further along with TX here, trying the "ole fashioned way" as usual in hope. I did see a physic the other day who really cheered me up, said lots of difference things about DH's work etc which were good but she said she could see me having two more children a girl and then a boy, and that I would get pg with the girl around Sept time....ahh wishful thinking but as she never mentioned TX at all I'm thinking a big pinch of salt is need  was a good bit of fun though and it did put a smile on my face so it was worth if for that.

Love CJ x


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## jojomama

Hi everyone, 
e/c day for me phew forgot it feels like someones played footie with your ovaries but thank god feeling much better already am sat with feet up while dh is scuttling round attending to my whims . We got 9 eggs for icsi so have fingers crossed we'll get some nice embies & be able to freeze some too.

Suzy - so sorry about your BFN, I must say I haven't heard that success rates dip after 4 negative cycles & like Helena says if it can work once you know it can work again. My heart goes out to you though honey, its such a hard slog & a painful kick in the teeth when it feels its all been for nothing. I'm sure its little consolation but if you can treat yourself to all the things you couldn't if pg wine, a spa a massage skiing etc, thats what I'm promising myself if this cycle fails for me (dh & bank manager don't know though . Admire your resilliance too for going straight into another cycle good for you up & at them!!!

Hun - Hows the d/r going? Did you have your baseline today & hows it all going? I was all out      this time around. There really is no underestimating hormones. It must be nice to think you haven't got to hop on a plane for a while. How's it going getting out of work etc? I was given a 2wk sicknote by consultnt today  not sure I'll use it but its nice to have up my sleeve if I'm feeling all crap & weepy next week might be tempted just not to have to commute especially as we've been doing our cycle at mayday hospital in croydon so its a 3 hour trip each way for all appointments!

scoop - have got my fingers crossed for you FET tomorrow sending lots of   your way, let us know how it goes.

Teen - Hi there & welcome to you, how are you passing the time during the dreaded ?
Lynne - Hi there good luck to you too!

Mo - Sorry about your m/c hun & that you had such a stressful experience with it all. I had acupuncture on my last cycle & it was lovely I got to know my therapist really well & she kind of counselled me too which I think helped.

Spangle - Fab fab news about your transfer they must be tough little cookies to be so strong & what a good omen to have transfer on your dd's b'day! You sound so poisitve & upbeat & I'm sure that helps sending massive  your way & am hopin we can stop each other going mad over the next week or so!!

Scruffy - It would be lovely if you let us know how you are honey.

Hi to everyone else

Jo

[br]Posted on: 19/06/06, 20:17Hun, just read your post &  so sorry I missed it earlier! Have you had this problem before down regging? Acupuncture may help have you considered it? It can be expensive but maybe worth it if it gets you a BFP!! So sorry its not working out, as you know, I know how frustrating it is to plan a tight ship & then it all goes haywire. I'm gutted for ou too!!!

Jo


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## scruffyted

Suzy

I am so so sorry sweetheart, like the others I really thought this was the one for you (sorry that doesn't help how you are feeling though  ) I haven't heard of the success rate dropping either, maybe ask your consultant. When do you have a follow up appointment. I think you are so brave to already be looking at trying again soon. Did you not get any frosties this time?? As Hun said once before it has worked for you before and will work again.    Your holiday skiing sounds great-where are you going? 
Sending you huge hugs  

much love
Scrufyted xx


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## Betty M

Hey ladies

Suzy - really sorry about the negative. My consultant always told me that once you have been pregnant once with IVF then your chances are much improved over someone with no successes as it is implantation which is the key and you know you can do that. Otherwise he said it was a matter of waiting for the right embie. I do know however that with people with no successes at all (ie no positive tests) they say chances drop post go 4 but as I say they dont use this measure for those of us lucky to have succeeded. Your "friend" made me mad - is she still in the playground or what - she doesn't deserve you.

CJ  - never been to a psychic myself but a french lady looked at my DD two years ago and told me my next child would be a boy because DD has a visible vein running between her eyes - some French old wives tale. I laughed given I knew what a trial it had been having DD but lo here I am again and its a boy.

Sharon - hope it isnt too stressful gearing up for your move.

Hun  - sorry that the d/reg is not going well. I thought they just tended to keep upping the dosage and draining cysts in order to keep the cycle going.

Emma  - pity wheatgrass tastes so much like grass and boy when you go to places like Fresh & wld etc is it so expensive to add to (and ruin in my opinion) a smoothie!! But if it works what the hey.

Hello Marteen  and Lynne!

Encore  - hope the scan went well.

Helena  - hi there!

Spangle  - amazing set of blasts there. I am with you on the footie - I can take about half a game every so often but thats it. And there is nowt else on. And to have to put up with endless rubbish about the wives and girlfriends going shopping etc on top of it all.

Fragile - sorry the doc had missed the people skills part of his training - I cant believe they still get away with it.

Scoop  - with the swimming - definitely not in the 2 ww. Zita West says none in the first 12w either but I am a bit sceptical about that unless you are prone to urinary infections which is why one friend was advised not to swim.

Jo  - congrats on the eggs - sounds great.

Scruffyted - how are you?

 to everyone else too.

DD is being a monster at the moment - one minute fab the next I think of calling in super nanny - am hoping it is just being 2 1/2 rather than some mega failure in my parenting skills. She is also refusing to use the potty which is driving me nuts too. Oh well - at least we all have these trials and tribulations.
Love
Betty x


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Jo-please don't feel bad for asking me why I felt I couldn't post here, you did me a favour as it made me answer you and do a post to all my wonderful friends -so thank you  

Thank you all for your messages to say to still post, I will post now and again but I do read your posts most days which DH says I shouldn't as it makes me so sad. BUT anyway....

Spangle-great news on your blasts, they sound great one's to me. When is test day?    I so hope this is the one for you. Wow you are good making your DD cake, I'm afraid I will be buying DS cake next month   I cannot believe he is going to be 4 where has those years gone! Spent trying for baby no 2!!!

Succotash-You sound so positive and happy in your post, I know it is all still very raw for me and DH-4weeks tomorrow   but DH is adamant we will not try again, I haven't even mentioned our 2 frosties   I can understand what he is saying that it will probably be neg if we tried again and we really haven't got the money.  

Hun-Really not sure what to say sweetheart, what did BH say? Can you not d/r for longer? I have heard of people d/r for 8 weeks as they had a cyst or hadn't d/r proply. I so hope you don't have to cancel this cycle.    

CJ-thank you hun, you won't get away from me that easily!!   Who else will understand the magpies etc!!!   How's the new house? The physic sounds good! I have thought about going to one but don't think I could handle her saying I won't have anymore children as I am still hoping for a natural miracle-fat chance!

Mo-Did you get my PM? I am so so sorry sweetheart that it wasn't good news and that you did have a m/c. Why do these things happen?! Words are so crap but hunnie I know how you are feeling and I am sending you huge hugs -  i am so glad you have your frosties-when do you think you will try FET? My DS is from FET so it does work.    How old is your DS? 

Emma-I haven't heard of wheatgrass either, is it worth me getting any to try!!?? Natural BFP's sounds like what dreams are made of!   When do you think you will be trying again?  

Sharon-Nice to see your post. How are you? thats good that your dr has given you clomid etc are you female factor? I did go on clomid many years ago to make me super fertile but as we are MF didn't help. Really hope that they work for you and you get your dream.    Are you moving far?

Helena-Many congratulations on your wonderful BFP   You must be over the moon. when do you go for your first scan? Sounds good levels to me!! 

Hi to everyone else.

I am ok-have good and bad days-had terrible day yesterday, DH worked all day   so took DS to the beach as so lovely, broke my heart watching him playing on his own    I so didn't want him to be an only child and now he is and always will be.  I worry about when he is older when we go away for example (teenager) he won't want to be with us but he won't have anyone else. Sorry to waffle but I just cannot get my head round the fact that my dream is over. DH is adamant no more tx and I know he won't change his mind, once his mind is made up about something then that is it! I so wish I could be content with just DS. I so wanted him to have the bond I had with my sister when I was growing up-talking of which am finding it very hard to speak to my sister at the moment let alone see her-her bump is lovely and I so wish it was me-she is due end of august so my twins would have only been 4 months younger   I so don't want August to come.

love
Scruffyted xx


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## spangle

Hello,

[fly]Rah- I hate football as back ground noise !!![/fly]

Betty- Love the comment about calling in Super nanny really made me laugh can so relate to it . They certainly have their moments and know all the buttons to press !!!

Suzy- So sorry.  Is the bb you are watching like over here, it's like they have selected extra's from doctor who !! 

Scruffyted- Love the thoughts of being able to take ds to beach. I know what you mean ,all of a sudden the thought grabs you and chokes you about them being an only one . It's like a sudden stab in the heart . So hope round the next corner is something happy for you. As you say a natural pregnancy is what dreams are made of, but hey they do happen, I have read about people with mf it happening for. 

Teen- Hello and welcome. How are you doing?

Sharon- thanks for good wishes.

Jo- Fngers crossed chick. 

Cj- What a lovely boost for you from the psychic.

Oh yes, also Suzy- DH has maths degree, likes his spreadsheets too !! He reckons odds remain the same no matter how many goes. At least that's what he tells me !!! 

Lynne-hello 

Hun- Sorry to hear about dregging. In the past I had to have the prostap injection twice as I wasn't dregging properly. I hope there is still some hope for you. My dh loves his spreadsheet too !! He just has to have them !!! 

Scoop- How's it going? 

Encore- How have you got on ?

Hello to everyone else,

love

Spangle


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## Cuthbert

Hi Girls,

Suzy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I've not heard about success rates dropping after 4 goes but I guess that you need to talk more to the consultant at your follow-up appointment.

Scruffyted, your post brought tears to my eyes and I so very much wish that you had a different outcome. I hope that something unexpected and wonderful comes your way because you very much deserve it.

Spangle, the blasts sound great (says she, who knows nothing about blasts but doesn't want to look stupid ). I hope that the date of ET proves to be a doubly lucky one for you. I hope that you know I've got everything crossed for you. I'm still looking forward to the piccie of DD's cake - you should post it here for everyone to see. And snap with your DH on the maths degree front, I'm also a numbers freak. 

Betty, it sounds as if you're experiencing the joys of the terrible twos. Don't fret about potty training - we didn't get it cracked until Daniel and Charlotte were 3 but when they did it, it was very quick and easy.

Jo, well done on the 9 eggs - fingers crossed that you get lots of lovely embies.

CJ, good luck with the natural route. How are you doing on sorting out eggshare?

Sharon, hope the 'cheap' option works. Good luck with the move.

Hun, sorry to hear that downregging is not going to plan. I hope that you don't have to cancel.

Hi to everyone else.

We've got our initial appointment with the consultant at King's on 1st August so I would guess that we'll be starting treatment just as Daniel and Charlotte start school - great timing, not. But then none of these things ever go to plan do they? We've got the parents' meeting at their new school tomorrow, and I'm getting quite nervous about them starting school - my babies aren't old enough. 

And I'm afraid that I can't join in with the anti World Cup thing - I love watching it and am mightily hacked off   that our Head has organised Parents' Evening for tomorrow evening while England play Sweden.

Jules


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

About the odds thing. It kind of makes sense to me intuitively that if you have a 1 in 4 chance, say, in each IVF cycle, then if you aren't pregnant after 4 goes, your chances decrease because then it means that there is more likely to be an implantion problem. Also, the more cycles you do, the older you get, the older your eggs get. We all have had babies though so we know we can make embryos that implant, so maybe the same stats don't apply. But maybe at 37 when I conceived ds, I had some good eggs, but three years later, at 40, I've got none left.

CJ - I think that's really interesting about Betty's clairvoyant   - its a sign 

I've just been balling my eyes out about the cycle not working  , whilst writing an email to a friend in my mother's group. They are having a little party for the dd of the girl that is leaving to go to HK, and I've decided I"m going. I've taken the afternoon off work for it. My evil friend will be there and I'm going to make her face me in front of the others. Not with a confrontation, but just be there so she'll have to be part of the conversation, and can't ignore me as the others will be there.  I'm so angry with her. I sent an email to her and cc'd them all saying that I would like to be included in future mails and haven't disappeared off the end of the earth.

Hun - hope you are doing OK and have got better news from the consultant about your d/r

Emma - I'm going to get some wheatgrass too 

Whoever asked about skiing, its in Australia in the Australian Alps. Odd I know, because everyone has a vision of hot, dry, and red earth with kangaroos on it, but there are some places that are very cold and snow during winter. 
The place we are going is called Perisher Blue. I'm already planning our trip round Australia in a campervan for when ds is 3, if I can persuade dh to agree - its my back up plan for if we don't get baby no. 2.

God this email is really disorganized.

Love and hugs to everyone,

Suzy


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## Scoop

Hi guys
Wow this thread has been busy! Welcome back Scruffyted - your mail bought tears to my eyes too! Even though we are blessed with DS it doesn't take away the wanting or make it any easier!
Suzy, sorry to hear your news - enjoy the wine and skiing and good luck for next time!
Happy 2ww Spangle - I join you as of today!
Hi to everyone else  - I have been keping up wityh psost but not doing my own which I know is really naughty of me - sorry.
OK, the me bit - blood test was fine yesterday so all we had to do this morning was phone the clinic to see if our two embies had survived the thaw. All we had to do - it was one of the hardest phone calls I've ever made. We were both terrified. 
One embie made it and one didn't. The clinic assured me the one that did was the best they could hope for but they couldn't tell me whether it was a boy or girl. What's that all about!!!
So an hour later I was up on the bed, legs akimbo, slightly surreal again, with embryologist, nurse, doctor and student doctor all peering at me. But our embie was safely delivered to its home and is now (I hope) firmly lodged and taking root! 
I have mixed feelings right now. I feel lucky one survived as I woke up this morning convinced our trip to Southampton would be a waste of time. But I would rather have had two to put back. But then last time one made it and one didn't - so maybe this embie is the long lost twin of DS OK, now I sound like a crazy person!
So begins the 2ww. AARRGHHH
Not so bad today as DH has taken DS off to the park and I am just about to chill out with a DVD. But it's hard to take things easy with a little one! Silly questions but - lifting DS won't hurt my embie will it Also how much is strenuous exercise? Was planning on a few gentle walks over the next few days. 
Anyway, I've ranted enough. 
Good luck and love to all

Scoop


----------



## fragile

Hi all just very quick post, cant possible do all personals, cant believe so many posts - ive only missed a day!!

SUZY - i am so sorry hun, what else can i say? 

Scruffyted Hello to all nice to see you did get pm thanks hun, sorry just been a bit distracted. & DS has been keeping me very busy along with some work we are having done on the house. 

Emma -where do i get wheatgrass from? 

anyone able to offer advice?  since started bleeding 26th may i havent stopped, last week doc said just after effects of mc but how long is it going to go on for? didnt last this long last mc.  it is only spotting but i need it to stop so i can wait for AF at the mo im just in limbo.

anyhow hope everyone is ok, as i said only a quickie

lol  mo x


----------



## encore

good on you suzie for the email.  why should you lose touch with the rest of the group.  sorry about your bfn.  perisher is lovely! x

mo, maybe acupuncture?  i dunno about these things but i'm doing it during this cycle and the practitioner said that he will be concentrating on the environment for the embryo....ie a treatment during af to make sure EVERYTHING comes away as it should, and then more during stimms to make sure a good lining builds up.  i did the first treatment in the middle of af, just as things were tapering off, and the next day was sort of like day 1 again if you know what i mean.

scoop, good luck.  only 2 weeks to go.

well day 2 of stimms for me, and as i expected i got the dreaded 'inject now' call.  450units of pergon AND 150 of merional.  never injected such a high dose before.  bricking it.


----------



## emma73

hi everyone - really quick post from me as I cant wait to sit down now Ds is in bed.

Wheat grass. I get it fresh from a juice place in edinburgh - very lucky. You can also get it in tablet form from the states, but I believe you have to take 21 tablets a day. Its best drunk fresh - and if you dont have a jucing place near you you can buy it from

http://www.aconbury.co.uk/page3.htm

They sell trays of wheatgrass, the special juicing machine, OR you can buy it from them in frozen form. A serving is about 30mls. it literally tastes like grass. My mum has been banging on about wheatgrass for ages, but I have only very recently discovered that it can bring down FSH levels after browsing posts on here. Thats when I read of several women who had previous BFN's with IVF who started taking wheatgrss and then got a natural BFP!!

If you google it there are loads of sites raving about it - and of course you can use the search facility on FF too. Can only be worth a try - I had a shot of it today!

I'm revisiting everything I did for my first IVF which resulted in BFP twin pregnancy. I followed the Zita west advice in her book and took her supplements. I cut out diet coke, alcohol, ciggies ( I hardly drink or smoke though) and ate as well as I could. I havent done that the last two times and they were both BFN's. Fingers crossed that it will make a difference next time.

Emma xxxxxxxx


----------



## jojomama

Hi all, just a quick 'me' post.  Of my 9 eggs 7 embies fertilized    we are really chuffed & hoping that some are good enough to freeze.  Clinic will call tomorrow to let us know how they're doing.  ET will probably be Thurs.  
Hope everyones ok
Jo


----------



## Scoop

Hi All
Well, Day 2 of 2ww and I already feel like I am obsessing like mad! Waiting for signs of nausea, sore boobs etc....Gosh, I didn't remember how awful this was from last time! ARRGHH
So to get through it I am determined to stay both positive and busy. 
We are going to Devon to see friends this weekend so that will make it go quickly and give me something else to think about. 
I must also listen to my relaxation CD and try and think positive vibes (Spangle, it's a Charles Vald hypnosis CD and it's pretty good).
I must also not be so mean to DH who I accused of not having any clue how I felt yesterday  
I must be thankful for DS who is being such a pickle at the moment - he's so feisty and determined and is turning into a terrible toddler right before my eyes....
I must stop obsessing about every twinge.

There, if I can stick to these everything will be fine....

Hope everyone's well and sorry about my ranting. Was going to hop over to the 2ww thread but having had DS, feel better here if that's OK 

Scoop


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone

Scoop, just sending you big hugs - it is always so awful that 2ww!  devon sounds like a great idea though.  Remind me when you DS was born cos I remember you from the bumps thread and I think my DD was a couple of days either side of you - she is also a pickle!!!!

Hun, how are you sweetie?  

love to everyone and will do bigger post later.

not much change here  - sore boobs, mild nausea (v early for all that!) and quite tired but otehrwise just busy with house move on Monday  

love Helena
XXX


----------



## jojomama

Hello ladies, scoop loved your post sounds very good advice & I need it as here I am fresh back from et to join you on that dreaded 2ww. We had 2 8 cell embies put back 1 grade 3 (the best) the other 2.5.  We also had 3 other 2.5's which we have frozen so we are pleased about that.  It seems weird though thinking of using those already before we've given these little blighters a chance.  The transfer was a bit scary as 1 embie took 3 attempts to put back into my uterus.  Dh thinks its a good sign however as its sticky and was clinging onto the catheter for dear life!  Feeling quite emotional now (have been all week).  Bloke sat opposite me on train on the way home kept looking at me like I was mad cos I kept having to flare my nostrils & contort silly faces to stop the tears coming while listening to my i.pod.  AM 99% sure I will go to work next week as I need to keep busy.  Taking DD with Dh to see the fimbles 'live' tomorrow.

Hope everyones ok

scruffy - it was great to hear from you, you have lots of friends on this thread so please keep posting as we are all here for you.  Particularly at the moment when you need the support, please dont sit & feel sad & feel like you don't belong.  Sending  

Jo


----------



## Hun

Just a quickie from me

Jo - Great news sweetie. Wishing you all the luck in the world (well with a bit left over for all the other girls....  )that there is a positive outcome for you. I think we really need some good news on this thread, and Helena started us off with that, after a run of really bad news.

Helena - glad youre ok. Take it easy  Easier said than done with a toddler and house move...you poor thing

Hi to everyone else
Queen of down regulation....4 weeks today! Hun xx


----------



## jojomama

Hun - thanks for the good wishes soooo pleased for you that your cycle hasn't been cancelled, thats great news!   Are you still able to continue with egg share?

Jo


----------



## spangle

Hello,

Scoop- How are you doing ? 

Encore- And how are you ? 

Jo- And how are you ? 

Helena- Enjoy and rest ! That's a joke isn't it !  

Fragile- In my thoughts. 

Scruffy- Still in my thoughts hun. 

Hun- Have never told you before but love the picture of ds. 

Cuthbert- Sorry still awaiting dh to download picture of cake ! Oh the distraction of football !!!   

Well, poor dh, I think gestone injections, eostrodial (think that's how you spell it !) and pessaries are taking there toll ! Have been busy working this week. Got home from work and rang him because his mum had not given dd the lunch I had left for her !!! Was nearly crying on phone !!       

Oh the joys !!

love to everyone

Spangle


----------



## encore

well day 5 of stimms and my response is [email protected] to say the least.  i called the clinic yesterday to say i'd rather cancel this cycle now and try again later rather than throw good money after bad.  i was also majorly pi$$ed off that i'd been called in to take a blood test (immune related, and costing a bomb) that i'd already taken 4 weeks earlier.  When i questioned it i was told oh right no you dont need it. That to me suggested that the doctor wasnt taking much notice of my test results and i therefore wasnt confident that i was being prescribed the right treatment.  Anyway, i've decided to give it 2 more days (they've changed my drugs) and i'll pull the pin if it things arent improving.  i hate the long protocol and am convinced it doesnt suit me.  there is absolutely no way i will do it again if this doesnt work.  anyway, i'd rather be pi$$ed off then depressed anyday.  if anyone crosses me today they'll know all about it.  i'll be in a better mood tomorrow. promise.


----------



## fragile

Hi ladies

Emma thanks for the link on wheatgrass will have a look when i get a chance

Scoop hope that CD helps to keep you nice & chilled!!

Helena - hope all goes ok with the move

Spangle - aw poor you, hope you have a few better days!

Encore - hun i hope there is a really big improvement for you now they have switched drugs, fingers crossed for you

good luck to all you on 2ww hope you are keeping sane

Suzy how you doing hun?

well i got my AF without ever stopping bleeding from my mc!!!  i was only spotting the last 10 days or so but i hope they count this as my first AF towards my FET & dont make me wait for a clear month before an AF to call that my first one.  still trying to book an acupuncture appointment, i did book one but cancelled, didnt feel comfy trying to deal with a man when there was a language barrier to overcome as well!! have found another one just need to catch her instead of her machine!

hope all ok

lol  mo x


----------



## emma73

hi everyone - just posting to say I'm still here - have been really ill and still not feeling too hot and am feeling a bit fed up!! waiting for af too so I can get these bloomin tests done to see if I can egg share. Feel like the whole thing is on pause!!

Hope everyone is well - will come back later for personals. 

Emma xxx


----------



## Scoop

Hi all
Had totoally forgotten how hard and c**p this 2ww is!!! Feeling really sorry for myself!!!! Had an awful couple of days last week but better tonight after a lovely weekend in Devon and do you know, I didn't even talk about it much. Felt really fed up when everyone was enjoying the nice sunny weather last night with a few beers and I sat there with my OJ!!
Hey ho!
Have absolutely zilch symptoms - should I be feeling anything after five (nearly 6) days? It's so hard to remember last time cos I got OHSS and that made me feel ill and it all seemed to merge in with pregnancy nausea etc....
I just don't feel any different at all! I have been talking to my embie a lot more this time, just willing her to cling on and do her thing!!! I know it's crazy and I don't remember doing it last time either!
Anyway, hope everyone is OK, enough about me, 
Back soon tomorrow from work (although only half day as my parents are on holiday and DH hasnn't got enough leave to take more than half a day for child care)

Scoop


----------



## jojomama

Hi Scoop glad you had nice weekend in Devon & hi everyone else.  I too am finding 2ww a killer & have been walking round with a face like a smacked **** most of the weekend.  Me & dh went for swanky dinner last night & I wore a new dress & felt really lovely.  I even had a glass of pinot grigio (shock horror) with my meal so that bit was nice.  Today we went to our neighbours house she is 5 months preggo with her 3rd while boys watched footie, dd & her 2 boys were splashing in paddling pool she knows I'm doing ivf & is very sensitive but it just felt such an effort to chat & be upbeat & I felt she was getting a bit tetchy with me.  No-one really understands unless they have experienced it.  I'm lucky that my best mate coincidentally went through the whole ivf thing too so its great to have her to talk to, however I don't feel like burdoning her with too many of my problems at the moment as she has 15 month old twins to deal with one of which has cerebral palsy and is quite a handful.  So my dear ladies its you I turn to in such moments (you lucky lot). Roll on the days, its hell & I'm only on day 3!!!

Hope you're all feeling better than me

Jo


----------



## suzy

Hi to everyone and all those on the 2ww - I feel for you - its tough.

I haven't posted for a while as things have blown up between me and my estranged friend. Turns out she has been as angry and hurt as me. Anyway, at least now I have hope that things may turn out for the better.

Will write again soon, when I have cleared my head a bit.

Suzy


----------



## encore

jo, i think the pinot is a good thing.  before i knew i was pg with my daughter during the 2ww i had a glass of bubbly.  it was bollinger so i thought obviously that can only be a good thing...and it was.

levels still crap, had words with dr at clinic yesterday, raised voices & waving arms and all that.  i felt better though after having said my piece.  still injecting though as he doesnt think i should pull the pin yet and despite me sometimes thinking otherwise (prob due to being drugged up to eyeballs on fert. drugs) he is the expert so i'll continue to close my eyes when i sign the credit card slip, while seceretly sticking pins in my  dr. voodoo doll.

suzy glad you are at least talking (yelling?) at your friend.  yelling is good.  i felt much better after yelling at my dr yesterday.   failing that just yell at me.  i wont take offence.

hang in there scoop.  you can yell a bit too if you like.  i think it's a highly under rated activity.


----------



## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

Well I had 3 frosties transfered on Thursday and everything seems to have gone okay with that bit.  My bladder was so full I nearly burst when they pressed down with the ultrasound probe.  Very unpleasant.  So now it is the terrible 2ww wait for me as well.  Scoop and Jo hope you can hang in there.  We haven't told anyone that we are trying again as we don't want any questions about if it is successful or not.  So we had a weekend of sitting on the couch doing the what if conversation.  Completely pointless.  DH is away with work now until Friday so I will probably be too busy with work and my 14 month DD to have time to think too much.

Good luck to everyone
Lynne


----------



## Scoop

Hi guys
Well I am officially sick of trying to pinpoint any sign of pregnancy!! Felt really nauseous this afternoon but now not so! What's going on??
Think I remember this from last time but I just want to know either way!
Suzy, so sorry to hear about your friend. Perhaps best to get it out in the open though?
Welcome Lynne - yes the 2ww is terrible.
We are thinking of testing a couple of days early this time as I am due to test next Tuesday - a work day. Thought we might bring it forward to the Sunday? Does this sound like a bad plan? Was really restrained last time and waited until the 14th day!
Sorry it's another me post. I do feel happier this week, last week was awful, felt so depressed! But now test day is getting closer - maybe that's it as I just need to know either way.
Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Scoop


----------



## encore

scoop baaaad plan.  BAD.

if you must then do a pee stick the morning of your test day.


----------



## jojomama

scoop I was planning on testing next sunday too.  I can't bear the thought of AF arriving while I'm at work it would be too awful is it sooo bad??


----------



## fragile

Hi all

Emma sorry to hear you havent been well, hope you are better soon & that AF hurries up and arrives for you. still havent looked up the info on wheatgrass but have saved the link so will do it soon.

Suzy- hope things work out alright for you & your estranged friend. we are here when you need us hun 

Encore, glad your Dr now knows how you feel  hope things pick up for you soon.

Scoop  Jo &
Lynne  - hope you are not going too mental on your 2ww TESTING EARLY V. V. BAD but so many of us do it he! he! good luck to you all.
      
lol mo x


----------



## Scoop

Hi
Gosh, didn't realise testing early was such a bad idea!!!! The only reason I would do it is because we are both home on Sunday. The other option is to wait until after work on Tuesday and after DS goes to bed but this will be in the evening (obviously) - I'll have a think about it, not sure I can last out those extra couple of days though!
Hope everyone else is OK - it's been kind of quiet on here hasn't it??
Speak to you all soon.

Scoop


----------



## Lynne1

Hi

I am confused.  My clinic wants me to test on Sat which will be 9 days after my transfer.  This seems very early compared to everyone else.  I know I sound mad for complaining about testing early, but what if it is too early so it is negative.

I am going crazy, I can't concentrate on anything.  I hope everyone else is coping better than I am.

Lynne


----------



## spangle

Hello everyone,

Sorry no personnals just wanted to let you know this. Tested this morning day 12 after 3 blast transfer as seeing consultant tomorrow and got a big fat negative. Am soo very sad. This is our nineth negative cycle for baby number 2 ! after having a sad positive in 2003. So very sad and have a lot of thinking to do. Just need a chat and good cry, holind it back at moment but know the tears are waiting....

Good luck the rest of you 2ww girls and up and coming 2ww girls. 

love to you all,

Spangle


----------



## Hun

Spangle I am so sorry sweetie. Things sounded do good this time around - it should have been your time, and I can't believe it really.

 Sending big hugs to you and DH, you have been through so much.

Hun xx


----------



## jojomama

Spangle - I am so sorry for you honey it doesn't get any easier I'm sure, sending you 

Jo[br]Posted on: 28/06/06, 20:53Lynne & Scoop & all those interested re testing early. My clinic say 14 days after transfer however, my reasoning is that most pee sticks claim to be able to detect HCG from day your period is due which is 14 days after ec surely? I know I won't last beyond sunday. I just want to be prepared in case  decides to show up on monday or Tues when I'm at work.

Jo


----------



## CJ

Hi Spangle, I am so sorry Hun, life can be so cruel sometimes 

I really wish you loads of luck with what ever you decided to do next, sending loads of  and  

CJ x


----------



## fragile

Spangle so sorry hun. 

all those wanting to test early - it really is your decision so dont feel bad if you want to test early. its just i found when testing early if i got a BFN then i was hanging out with even more hope that it was just because i tested early & that it was bound to turn into BFP - which it did but the torture was even worse than lasting till end of 2WW!

had some shocking news today.  went to see my consultant for my regular appointment re my thyroid.  i said i wanted my levels to be what they were when i had DS just for my own peace of mind so i know that if i mc again there is nothing more that i could do.  he then said well you levels have been a bit high we should lower the dose as that could cause a mc!!!!!!!!!!! before my last 2 fresh cycles i had blood tests & phoned & specifically said i wanted to know if my levels were right to have tx & i was told they were a little on the verge of over active but fine to go ahead & now he is telling me that it could cause mc.

when i said well i wish i had been told that at the time he quickly changed his tune & said but of course it may not be that it could be down to something else and they were so early on its more of an implantation problem than a miscarriage!!!!!!!!!! i am so stunned.  now im thinking if my frosties dont defrost then i wont even get a chance to see if that is the cause & im angry that i have had to go through the expense & trauma of 2 fresh cycles & my mc's might not have happened if they had lowered the dose of medication im on.  of course i cant take any action as there is no way that it could be proven that my medication levels caused the 2 mc's but FOR GODS SAKE- why was i not told to lower my dose?!!!!!!!

so sorry for the rant especially in light of your awful news spangle but i feel ive lost my pregnancies all over again at the minute & am just in termoil.

suzy how are you doing?

all you 2ww ers hope you are staying positive as can be!-fingers crossed

lol  mo x


----------



## jojomama

Girls have had a truly horrible day today been like a demented woman & am pretty positive am on for a BFN.  I've got zero symptoms & didn't with dd.  I don't think I've ever been on such a short fuse in all my life & shouted at my poor darling gorgeous little dd so many times & made her cry every time she's done the slightest little thing wrong   to the point where when she went to bed she spilt some of her calcium (she has dairy allergy ) she said sorry mummy & looked really nervous & started to cry  . Perhaps I don't deserve another one if I can't even be a proper mummy to dd.  Can't believe how unbelievably torturous this whole thing is & the tx this time has made me feel so utterly twisted I really don't know if I could face going again  .  Thank god dh has the day off tomorrow so he can deal with dd cos I just can't cope with the slightest thing out of line at the moment.  Feeling like a total s**tbag.

Sorry not done personals for so long just can't thing of anything but me me me me me or more to the point am I pregnant am I not.  & sorry to sound so dramatic.  Just finding it tough right now  

Jo


----------



## emma73

awww - jo - please dont be so hard on your self - I frequently have the very same situations with Luke without being in the 2 week wait - its because we are human! Try your best to take it easy on your self -the waiting will be over soon enough - fingers crossed for you - and remember EVERY pregnancy is different!

Spangle - I'm so sorry - I dont know what to say  really - nine cycles - its alot to take. Sending you a huge cuddle. 

Lynne - my clinic gets me to test 2 weeks after egg collection - which is a little earlier than some others on here - hope you are coping ok - Only a day to go? Fingers and toes crossed for you. 

Scoop - how are you doing?? So many in the horrible 2 ww - I hope you are ok - fingers crossed for you too. xx

Mo - sorry to hear your news - how frustrating. Try and turn it into a positive though and think that for the next time your levels will be lower like when you concieved DS - at least there is a plan. Get your wheat grass girl - and you'll be on your way. 

encore - hows it going - has it been a few days since you posted? - hope your response has picked up and you have lots of lovely follies. 

Suzy - my god - I have been logging on lots to see what on earth could have your friend so rattled and hurt - whatever it is I hope you can both work it out as you have been so upset - I really hope you are ok. By the way - which part of Australia will you go see? I dont know if you saw my post where I said that If I dont manage to have another then i'll be going to Australia - I want to go see the great barriier reef and camp under the stars!

Hello to CJ. Hun and everyone else that I have missed. 

No update on me really except that i am typing with a glass of fizz by my side as I am off to Amsterdam in the morning for 3 nights. I booked it as a suprise for my partners birthday (tomorrow), but am also going with my mum who may babysitt as Luke is comming too. AF isnt playing ball - but its no problem as I can have the FSH test when I get home  - ah - life looks ok with a glass of fizz in the belly. I must sound like a total alcoholic! Hic !


I'm pottering about on a wee montage of Luke and his time in hospital - its great fun - but it keeps making me weep - not just beacuse of how horrible it all was but because I love him so much. I will post a link when I have finished if you want to see it. 

Right - i wont be around for a few days but am looking forward to comming back to lots of "OMG - BFP!!!!!!""

Love to all

Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## encore

scoop/jo its just that there are plenty of people who test negative and end up with a positive.  so if you test early and its a negative, you wont (no matter how rational you think you are) give up hope and you will tear yourself up testing each day your af doesnt come.  if you test early and its positive, you'll test every day till the blood test and tie yourself up in knots if the color of the positive line varies.  its fraught with worry either way!  but you gotta do what you gotta do.  if you have test sticks in the house you will use them, so if you dont want to, then chuck 'em out now.  jo, you sound so miserable.  its so hard isnt it.

spangle, i'm so sorry.  9 cycles.  you must be absolutely wrung out.

fragile, dont know what to say.  i hope your levels have absolutely nothing to do with anything but its just impossible not to worry.

emma, hope the montage is going well.  i am imagining you humming away in your cath kidson pinny as you cut and paste...doing little fizz burps....

bu**ered if i know what my levels are.  i've decided to go into denial and not bother asking.  what will be will be.


----------



## Scoop

Hi All
Did a huge long post earlier and somehow lost the lot. How annoying!
Spangle, am so sorry to hear your news. IF sucks! Sending you lots of hugs.
Fragile, how frustrating for you. But maybe the only thing to do is to treat it as a positive for next time!
Emma, glass of fizz sounds so good right now! 
Jo, I know exactly how you are feeling. I too have been on the edge for the last nine days and have been really short-tempered with DS - coinciding with him reaching the completely mischievous stage! Where is my little baby who loved his cuddles!!
I have wondered constantly over the last week and a bit how I possibly deserve another baby when I have become frustrated at him because he's tipped the bin out again/thrown a load of papers down the stairs/not eaten food he'd happily scoffed the day before.
I woke up this morning convinced we are heading for a BFN. I feel sometimes that I am the only one obsessing about this - DH hardly mentions it. I have no idea what he's feeling about all this. It can be a bit lonely. However, I am sure I am imagining things. The drugs and 2ww are addling my brain.
I am so tired of imagining pregnancy symptoms - one minute I think I feel nauseous, the next I'm sure I have sore boobs. Roll on test day so I know what's really going on!
Talking of tests, we have decided to wait another 36 hours and test when we get in from work on Monday night - the day before my official test day. DS will be at my mum's (where he spends every Monday as she has him while I work my two days) which will mean we will have no interruptions and we can commiserate/celebrate as we see fit! 
I tested the night before with DS so don't think it's too early! It was so different with him though - because I got OHSS there was a very good chance I was pregnant which made the test a lot easier to summon up the courage to do.
One positive - no sign of AF! Although am sure I have Af type pains so on paranoid knicker check every five mins!
Right, DS has thrown his food all over the floor so must go, will catch up more over the weekend.
Have a good one!
Scoop


----------



## fragile

Emma  have a fantastic time away, hope DP enjoys it too & wow a babysitter how wonderful!

Jo  you poor thing.  dont beat yourself up over it your are sooooo full of hormones & emotions right now.  dont you dare think you dont deserve another child!!!!!  your DD knows you love her very much & you know how much you love her, you just had a very bad day.  i hope things were easier for you today with DH off & that you got to take it easy. 

Scoop hope those AF pains are just implantation twinges & hope the weekend goes quickly for you   

Encore you made me laugh! bu**ered about your levels- you are so right what will be will be. 

i still feel angry about them not sorting my medication out & know i will be stressing until i hear that my frosties have thawed ok.  god it is sooooo long to wait.  have already worked out my next AF date & possible FET date so now on countdown.  still its so far away i think i can safely join emma with the fizz, now all i need to do is get DH out to the shop to get me some!!

have a good weekend, good luck to you all testing    & hello to everyone 

lol  mo x


----------



## suzy

Hello all,

There seems so many of you on the 2ww at the moment - its hard to keep up.

Spangle - I was so sorry to hear about your bfn. It sucks, it really does. You should be at the front of the queue by now for baby.  for you. Take it easy, you have to process things and grieve, but it can't be easy for you.

Jojo - don't blame yourself, blame if. It realy p....s me off too how it interferes with the relationship you have with your child. Sorry its been rough for you. Its stressful enough, without all the hormones.

Fragile - no wonder you are angry. Sounds like you have every right to be.  for you too.

Scoop  - you sound thoroughly fed up with the 2ww. I don't really think that symptoms are relevant to whether you have a bfp or a bfn, but the waiting does your head in, and you are so hopeful. It sounds like a good time to me for getting the result. Well thought out.

Encore  - going into denial is not a bad way of handling things, I don't think. If you just distract yourself, let the cycle do its thing, and not think about it, then you avoid the ups and downs of the actual cycle (which has very little to do with the end result). I do this after EC - try not to think about it, and just kind of ignore the info I'm being given by the embryologists about my embies and whether they are growing. Good luck to you and I hope it is going well.

Emma  - I spent many weekends on the Great Barrier Reef in the 90s, diving on the reefs. I used to live in Cairns. The whole thing is just amazing. I"ve done the camping thing under the starts as well, many times, often in the middle of nowhere. Hope you're having a good time in Amsterdam. My dh is Dutch and we loved Amsterdam.

Lynne  - how you doing? Hope you are coping OK. HAve you tested yet?

Hun  - how are you going with the d/r - hope you are getting past it. Where are you up to?

Hi to everyone else, Scruffy, Succotash, CJ, cuthbert, Helena, and everyone else.

I'm doing OK. My friend wrote me a really angry email, saying that she thinks I've ignored her, ignored her pregnancy, blanked her out and been rude to her. I sent a long one back telling her my point of view, and saying we had both been as guilty of avoiding each other and feeling awkward round each other, and neither of us had addressed it earlier. I told her how hard it had been for me. Anyway the upshot of it all is, that, she sent a nice email back, saying "what a mess" basically and we have planned to meet and talk about it on Monday.

Does anyone keep seeing families with toddlers and the mum with a pregnant belly?? I'm seeing them everywhere.

I have been busy drinking wine, whilst I can cos I'm starting again on my next cycle. Dh is limbering up for another round of bms this month . I'm seeing my consultant on the 25th July and if my calculations are right, will be d/r whilst I am skiing, which is OK as d/r doesn't give me side effects.

Bye for now,

Suzy


----------



## encore

suzy, YES!!! its like when you were ttc the first time and you saw pg ladies everywhere.  its so surreal!  glad you 've sorted things with your mate.


----------



## Lynne1

Hi everyone,

BFN for me.  I am going to start another fresh cycle when AF arrives. 

Good luck to those testing in the next couple of days.

Lynne


----------



## emma73

OMG - You know what they say - you never know how much something means untill its gone! I have sooooo missed this site and you guys. I didnt even know it was going offline, and I have been checking every day - frequently hoping to see FF back!!

I hope everyone is ok - Hun - do you have any news for us, you must have tested by now? Fingers and toes crossed.


Cant wait to see you all back

Emma xxxx


----------



## suzy

Hi Emma,

Me too, I've really missed the site and fellow H4AM's, and have been wondering how everyone has been.
I'm starting d/r again in 10 days, and heading off skiing straight after - snow looks good so I'm very happy re this - we are going to Perisher Blue in NSW about 5 hours drive from Sydney. I know people always think that Australia is desert with kangaroos hopping about, but it does get cold in winter!

I had an appt with my doctor last week who said I was a "mystery"!!!!

Have just had my first acupuncture too - don't know whether I can keep doing it as all their appts are fully booked.

Love,

Suzy


----------



## fragile

OMG!!!! i have been going demented without FF!

wow Dregging in 10 days suzy, brilliant and ski-ing too what a lot to look forward to.

Emma how goes all the testing for your egg share plans?

im off to acupuncture this afternoon, ive loved it, i always fall asleep.  i was supposed to be having FET this week but AF was 4 days late -I AM NEVER LATE- so that has messed things up a bit.  i am hoping i will get my surge on saturday so can do FET next tuesday but if i surge thurs or fri i have had it as clinic not open on sunday to take embies out or do transfer so will have to wait till next cycle.  fertility nurse said looks like i might surge fri or sat - praying it is saturday- keep your fingers crossed for me. i dont think i can handle another month of this!

hope everyone is ok & there are some BFP's posted later

lol  mo x


----------



## encore

its nice to be back!  about time!

had first scan today and saw 2 blobs.  only one heartbeat so far, but both blobs were looking good though, as far as blobs go.  i can't work out if i'm 5 weeks + 6 days or 6 weeks exactly today.  anway, mr t said "i'm very happy with everything" and knowing how conservative he is, that was great news.  And i know you shouldnt really expect to see a clear h/b until 6 and a half weeks.

anyway, back next wednesday for another scan and killer cell follow up blood test.

xx


----------



## sjc

Hi All

Not a regular on this one just a lurker, Encore congratulations, you really must be so pleased after such a crappy build up to your egg collection. Twins eh, how are you and DH feeling about that then?  I met one woman at ARGC who had had all ivf children, a boy 8 years, twin girls 6 years and after 5 goes at a Birmingham clinic decided to go to ARGC and is pregnant again, i asked what if she has twins, she said she wanted a big family!!!!

I feel alot better now after my BFN, had follow up at ARGC who advised that next time it is the jet wash treatment, they are thinking about giving this to everyone as it seems those who have it are more successful, and immune testing.  Last round was £ 6,500 minus £ 2300 as GP paid for drugs, max dosage, so next one if we have to have IVIG looks at costing £ 10,000.  I think I will call it a day if it isn't a positive.  I read in the telegraph that if Mr T can't get you pregnant no one can, not hims yourself you understand, thought i better clarify that one!

Just getting to know you when FF went down so will start reading up on you all to get to know you again.

Speak soon 

Sam xxx


----------



## encore

hey sam!  i've been wondering how you were.
wots jetwash then?
you sound good....positive.  i'm really pleased.

its good they gave you a follow up quickly.  will you start straight away, or do you need to save up first?


----------



## sjc

Hi Encore

Sorry a hysteroscopy, known as a jetwash on the newbie site.  They did not give me one previously due to already having had two pregnancies, but because the last one didn't work that feel thathit s needs to be done,  a process of elimination I suppose, hence the immune testing as well.  We don't have the money saved for next round, so its going to have to be a loan.  My parents have offered some assistance, I am going to write to my GP tomorrow to ask if he will fund next round of drugs.  I couldn't believe John Bell chemists though, they have charged my Gp £ 7,0000 for drugs when I only charged £ 2,300 for them, so if my GP declines I will understand, bloody cheek eh? Basicallly I paid for drugs, ARGC give me private script of drugs used that I take to GP who transfers it to NHS script, take it to John Bell who sends drugs back to ARGC.  I would like to start treatment in Sept/Oct before crappy weather and dark morns & evenings, I don't fancy travelling four hours a day in the winter.  Just need to pursuad partner who thinks perhaps we should save abit first!

Anyway, how excited are you My mate has got twins and they are great, abit of a handful in the early days but now they are older they go off and play and entertain themselves... she loves having them, a real show stopper when out and about.  

Speak soon

Sam x


----------



## encore

ahhhh right.  jetwash sounds much better!  easier to say.

i've just spent a while trawling this site for a thread that was started about where to buy cheap drugs.  i can't find it anywhere.  i'm sure the argc girls thread will be able to help you.  jb&c are bloody rip off merchants.

yes we are very excited.  but cautious at this stage, you know, early days and all that.


----------



## jojomama

Hi encore WOW twins thats absolutely fantastic news you must be ecstatic - Huge congratulations to you & dh, hope you have a blooming & uneventful 32 weeks!

Have a great time skiing Suzy you lucky thing - My brother keeps on at me about going to visit him in Oz as he his wife & daughter emigrated 3 years ago.  We will I keep telling him, when we've stopped squandering all our cash on IF tx!!

Not much news on me.  Waiting for AF so I can start mock FET.  Finish work on 18/8.  They are letting me go 3 weeks earlier than I should.  Every day is like wading through treacle I just cannot wait to go!  I've signed up to do a diploma in reflexology at the local tec which starts at the beginning of Sept & will be doing a couple of lunch time shifts in our mates country pub. Feeling pretty positive about it all.  

Hun - Any news sweetie?  Got my fingers crossed for you

Jo


----------



## fragile

Hello all,

finding it hard to get back into the swing of things after being off line for so long.

Encore congrats to you.  hope all is well on wed & you see your two lovely heartbeats!

Im just doing my ovulation tests i think i got my surge this afternoon but not sure if im just looking for something that wasnt there.  the line was similar to the reference line but not darker than it.  will do another one tomorrow but cant speak to the hospital till monday.  

hopefully they will count today as surge then if my precious two frosties survive i will have FET on Tuesday!!

Sam, wow the prices are pretty steep for you with the jet washing as an extra, hope the gp will pay for the drugs for you.  can understand DP wanting to save but i know what its like. once youve decided to do it again you want to start NOW!!!! we ended up with a bank loan & a huge credit card bill for our last 2 attempts which we are still paying off but if we had been saving then we would only just be starting our second attempt instead we are just about to do FET after the third attempt so despite the debt i am glad we just went & did it.

Hello to suzy, Emma, Hun.  

Jo are you still around?  

Scruffyted are you ok?


i know ive forgotten loads but DH has just arrived from the shop with chocolate so have to dash!    hope everyone is ok

lol  mo x


----------



## emma73

Hey - I'm finding it hard too - after missing the site so much its all gone quiet!! Nothing much is happening for me tx wise - I have had a letter from Edinburgh clinic putting me back 6 months or even more for the IVF (was due to go in Oct) due to the donor sperm shortage - but I didnt think that I would be really able to have tx there any way due to being £4,000 short. So I have an appointment end of Aug for more tests and counselling at the Cromwell in Darlington to see if I will be accepted or not for Egg share. Have had major doubts about the whole thing but am pretty commited now after working things out with partner. Just truly wish it wanst this bloomin comlicated what with the travelling, child care, one embryo versus two embryo transfer, different donor blah . . . .blah . . . . blah. . .  !

Encore - Congratulations!! I remember how stunned I was when I was told it was twins - and we only got one heartbeat the first scan but the next week there they both were blinking away at us. heres wishing you a very uneventuful pregnancy. 

Suzy - hope you are well and looking forward to your skining and all ready to go again. Fingers and toes crossed for you as always - surely to god this will be the one!  

Fragile - hope you enjoyed the chocolate - I'm on an atkins type diet - so no choccies for me   not sure how great that is in the lead up to tx - but I bought  a size 10 pair of trousers for the first time in about 8 years yesterday - so scambled eggs and prawns (just not together) it is for me for a wee while yet  

Lynne - so sorry to hear your news - big fat hugs to you xx

Hi Sam, encore, scoop, jo, scruftyted, spangle and cj - and anyone I have missed. I  hope you are  all hanging in there and ok. Hun I'm thinking of you and hope that you are ok.

Right I'm off - to watch big brother - I'm a sad woman who needs to get out more.

Come back everyone!!!

Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## sjc

Evening All

Fragile thanks for your responce, was starting to think that I was the only one with no saving in the bank, thank you,  Hey where is your little red profile?

I don't know many on this site but I keep looking to see if Scoop has posted, anyone know how she got on?

Encore, good luck for your scan,  wey hey.

Sam x


----------



## fragile

HELP!!!

i thought i had a surge on my ovulation test yesterday afternoon as the line was similar to the ref. line so i assumed this morning the test would show surge for sure.  well after 5 mins the line was really feint so no surge so i went away & when i came back a little later about 15 - 20 mins after doing the test the line was really dark.  i know you are supposed to disregard the test after 10 mins but the ones i did the other day didnt go dark after 10 mins & i am a bit concerned that i just read the test too early this morning & should have given it the full 10 minutes to get a proper reading.  ANY ADVICE ANYONE?

i am going to try to do another test this afternoon the same time as i did one yest. afternoon but it will be a bit tricky as i am going to a country fair today.  i just feel so stressed & i cant believe i have messed this all up when it is so important to get it right so they go in the right time & i cant phone the hospital until tomorrow, they are going to think i am a right idiot, i thought it would be really easy doing the ovulation test but i am just so unsure about it all.  any advice would be brilliant.

sorry for me post & no personals stressing like mad & DS wants some juice so have to dash

thanks 

lol  mo x


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Fragile - Can't help you I'm afraid. I've never done those ovulation kits before, but I know how stressful it must feel when you are in the middle of a cycle, so I hope it sorts out OK.

Emma - good that you are keeping your options open with Darlington, and that you have worked things out with dp. It must be difficult when its so expensive, along with all the other issues, it does get complicated.  I'm on the chocolate and sweet diet at the moment, but I am turning over a new leaf tomorrow!

Jo - reflexology, how interesting! You'll have to tell us if you pick up on any tips for ivf!

Encore - Big huge congratulations. Wow, twins! How wonderful for you. Hope it all goes well, and you fly through your pregnancy in a breeze!

Sam - I've heard a lot about this Mr T - sounds like a local hero. Just out of interest, do they have any specific advice at the ARCG for people going through IVF - re rest, sex, diet etc during a cycle? I'd really love to know.

Hi to everyone else. We really are missing a few, and I'd love to know how you are all going.

I saw my lovely ivf doctor (he really is a hunny, just my type were he not married!!) last week and I've had a barage of tests for recurrent miscarriage. So far, all the results are negative.

He also suggested I have acupunture so I took myself off to an acupuncture clinic last week. Can't get enthusiastic about it though. She said I should give up dairy food and wheat and I really can't be bothered - it would be such an effort and I think there is absolutely zilch evidence of it working and I love my milk!

Anyway, that's all from me,

Love,

Suzy


----------



## encore

hi all,
suzy there have been a couple of studies done (2 i think) that have shown implantation rates to increase as a result of acupuncture, but it has to be done within an hour before AND after embry transfer.  i had it done this time by someone just 'round the corner from my clinic, who is very flexible.  Came in to treat me at 7am on a sunday morning!  and my clinic tell me to drink loads of milk....so dunno about that...

fragile, sorry for the personal question, but have you had any ewcm?


----------



## amanda_hd

Hello ladies

Excuse the intrusion - i am new here.  As you will see from my profile i am hoping for another miracle.  My first ICSI attempt was successful and i have my beautiful DD.  We attempted again when she was 8mths old but my medicated FET was a BFN.  I am medicated FET cycling again - hopefully i have finally DR'ed as i need some hormones!!  Have bloods tomorrow so fingers crossed.  Glad to have finally found this board!

Hope to get to know you all better soon

Amanda


----------



## sjc

Evening All

Fragile, those tests, ahhhhhhh, i thought it was only me who had a problem with those sorts of things.  You do the test, read the leaflet and it doesn't show the result you had.  Well, when I did my ovulation test it showed up really faint, I phoned the helpline who had confirmed that I had surged even though it was so faint.  I hope this helps.  

Suzy, my the man is known the other side of the globe eh?  The fact sheet from the clinic suggests 3 days of rest after egg transfer, this can be abit conusing thoughbecause it is told for women who have had both a 3 day and 5 day transfer?  At my follow-up appointment I was asked if I smoked, had a healthy diet and took a good mineral/vitamin, I gave all the 'right' answers, therefore they must believe that this is significant. Have you heard of Zita West?, she is a bit of a guru over here, she believes in total detox, acc, loads of water, vitamins etc, which she believes in helping woman become pregnant.  She has a book out if you are interested?  Saying that under Mr T's clinic you have to drink a litre of milk a day along with 3 litres of water, apparently the milk helps reduce the swelling due to the amount of water you consume (to reduce OSH).  I think they also advise no sex until your 12 weeks pregnant.  Have you had immune testing done?

Welcome Amanda, good luck, this board is a little quiet at the mo, but keep posting!

Speak soon.

Sam x


----------



## fragile

Hi all

Amanda welcome to you!

Encore i have been doing acupuncture but the lady said as i was hoping for ET this week last week was my last session. she didnt seem to want to do any acupuncture on me while it was going on despite Zeta West saying doing it through the 2ww has shown it helps prevent mc & ive had 2. i suppose my acupuncturist is just covering herself. & yes i had EWCM so that has kind of set it in my mind it was def. on the sat, about to phone the clinic so will soon find out, assuming i can catch someone!

Sam, thanks. its nice to know its not just me. i suppose i was expecting a conclusive result not an am i arent i result! if ET does go ahead i dont think there is much chance of 3 days rest - how do you manage that with a little one to look after? hmmmm - me thinks thomas the tank & postman pat will be getting a lot of viewing.

well ive just phoned the clinic & there is nobody about yet, suppose it is a little early but i know they start EC at 8 so i wanted to catch someone before then or else how will my embies get taken out in time? ho hum will update later

have a good day everyone

lol mo x[br]: 7/08/06, 07:28update

well i got through to clinic & they are counting sunday as the test was stronger then so FET will be wednesday


----------



## emma73

hello - its very quiet - seems to be quiet on the whole board. 

Fragile - sorry I couldnt be of any use with regard to the ovulation tests - how exctitng that you have a FET tomorrow - fingers crossed it works for you.

Welcome Amanda - this site is a bit of a god send - glad you found us.

hello to everyone else - Hun - we havent heard from you - I do hope that all is well and  that you are ok xx

I'm feeling majorly fed up. I had been fine untill I sat down with my patner and we decided to go for it for definate if I get accepted for egg share. Since then I have been feeling quite down really - not nearly as happy as I felt when I was not 100% sure what I was up to. I cant handle not feeling in control of my life - I dont know if I will be accepted, and if I am when I will get tx as I will need to be matched. Edinburgh cant treat me even if I was a millionaire as they have no sperm, and its all just feeling a bit much. I'm fed up with it already.

Hope everyone else is in a better mood than me - Suzy - where are you at?? Hope its going well. 

Bye for now 
Emma xxxxx


----------



## encore

hi emma, why wouldnt you be accepted for egg share??

when do you find out?


----------



## fragile

Emma hun, you poor thing.  you must be going demented.  i hope you dont have to wait too long before you find out.

Encore  hope all goes well with your scan tomorrow & your twinnies are thriving.

hospital phoned this morning my embies survived defrost & "look fantastic"  now just hoping they survive the night & the ET will be at 3pm tomorrow.

hope everyone is ok, seems a bit quiet since we were off line 

lol  mo x


----------



## bluesky510

Hello there everyone - I am new to this board as well - I have been lurking since out wonderful son William was born in January after ICSI at ARGC. I am hoping to do FET this year - maybe around October/November and have an initial appointment in September again. 
I was just wondering whether anybody has had "issues" with their partner/husband as to when to try again? My husband is reluctant to start the whole treatment thing again so soon and has been talking about "needing to go skiing in January" which I feel a little hurt by - I just want to get on with the whole thing again - although it worked the first time last time - I know that we might not be so lucky next time and want to try again so soon. 
I am also finding it hard already to deal with people around me who are having their second child and the insensitivity of people who ask if this is my "first" child. I have had people who know our history telling me that they don't think that a child should be brought up on their own .....grrrrrr and when arewe going to have another? 
sorry that is a bit of a rant.

Kitty


----------



## sjc

Welcome Kitty

The answer is yes, the need and urge to have another child for some individuals (inc me) is overwhelming, well, I am sure I speak for everyone who posts on this thread.  For your partner to want to go skiing, does this mean that you will have to delay IVF because of the holiday or that he wants to spend the money going away?  It can me very frustrating.  I am not sure if you are like me, but I just dwell on it and should just come out and discuss how I feel, in the end we usually have a very heated discussion.  I am prepared to borrow the money from our parents next time, and my partner keeps highlighting the fact that I will never get into debt for a car but will for IVF.  I am not sure if I am being unreasonable here but a car compared to having a baby, well yes!!  The fact is I am not getting any younger and I have high FSH so therefore I feel that the pressure is on. I's really strange that I am usually a very upfront person but I just cannot be bothered to argue about this!! How about you?

Actually I feel naughty just looking at this site, I feel that I am getting accused of looking at some hardcore porn, as when my partner comes in and sees me on the computer he does the silent treatment for 5 mins!!!!!!!!!!!!!AH      

Sam
x


----------



## emma73

Hi again!! Encore - its not really that I dont think they will accept me - its more that assuming they do I have no idea when I will get going - I just hate not knowing. Like today I was thinking about holidays for next year (daydreaming) but then remembered that I cant plan in case I'm pregnant. i dont find it exciting - I have done this for so many years - I did it last year as I had IVF with a BFN in Dec - the year before I was pregnant and I did it for about the 3 years preeceeding that - you know - not planning anything "in case" I would be pregnant.  I find it very hard feeling that my life is on hold - i'm really not sure if i can do it all again - but unless a pretty big miricale happens I'm sure as hell not going to get pregnant any other way lol !!

How are you feeling any way with those tiwns Encore?? Getting used to the idea yet? 

Fragile - I'll be nosing on here tomorrow if you are at loose and - I hope all goes smoothly - I'm sure its your turn again hun. 

Welcome Kitty - the issues you are havign with your husband are farmiliar to me - but I have the same  "issues " if that makes sense - I think its just a feeling of wanting to live - tx can be so all consuming - thats what I'm struggling with - cant he go skiing too?? Hope you can work it out - I'm sure it dosent  mean that he dosent want another or anything - perhaps just that lifes ok and the throught of going through it all again is a bit daunitng?

Emma xx


----------



## bluesky510

Dear Emma and Sam - thank you for your replies - it's great to know that I am not alone in how I feel. I remember being in bed in the hospital and thinking that I really want another child - you are right -it is so overwhelming. 
I think that my husband wants to live a little and keeps telling me that I need time to recover from last year and to enjoy William (which I do immensely and there isn't a day goes past that I don't give thanks for him and the joy that he brings) but I feel too that I am not getting any younger. I have also decided that I am not going back to work immediately to try and have another go - and not going back to work is a huge sacrifice for me both in terms of my feelings of independence and financially and I guess I just want to try and legitimise this decision by getting on with having another go. I really found the whole infertility thing hard to accept - particularly when the "issue" was not with me - the strain on our relationship was very hard indeed - not helped by the fact that James works very long hours here in London and my family are back in N Ireland.(sorry sorry sorry about the wailing "me"post - but sometimes it really just gets me down).Some days it jsut all seems too much to cope with. I have nobody who understands this overwhelming need to have another child so soon. My mum thinks that IVF is straightforward and everything will work again - just cos it did the last time - maybe it will - but the emotional strain is immense as you all know. I hope I am not nuts in thinking all these thoughts - please tell me I am not alone.

lots of love

Kitty


----------



## fragile

Kitty you are so not alone & you have come to the right place.  i think partners find it difficult at they see all the stress & strain that we have to go through.  i am like you in that the IF lies with my DH so i think he finds that hard in the sense that i have to go through a lot & he feels its his fault but i dont ever blame him or even think its his fault,  if i felt like that i would have left years ago!  my icsi worked first time & i have lovely DS but my last 2 fresh cycles have resulted in mc but for each attempt i had to put my foot down & say i really wanted to try again & DH wasnt too  sure.  i am hopefully having FET today (fingers crossed they made it through the night!) & DH was pretty ok with this as he said it was worth a try and no point leaving our embies in the freezer.

know what you mean about your mum.  on my second attempt during my 2ww my mum asked me what double buggy i was going to get!!!  they just dont seem to understand that its not a certainty, i think this is made harder to understand after it worked first time.  others asking "are you going to have another one" upset me too.  for the first couple of years it was easier to smile & say "oh i will think about it when this one starts sleeping through the night"  & hide my upset but now i just try to change the subject. it sometimes makes me cross as why do people assume one child is not enough anyway?  yes i desperately want another child but if it doesnt work out & my DS is an only child i dont want to hear people spouting "an only child is a lonely child"!!!! - makes me want to poke them in the eye.  i dont ever want my son to over hear & think he isnt enough for me - he is my whole world!

hope your DH comes round,  cant he go ski-ing in Dec instead?  anyway it does pretty much depend on your cycle so maybe he could fit in ski-ing & you can try again in january.  sounds like he is just nervous about it all, understandable i suppose but men just dont understand out need to try & try again to get pregnant no matter what the emotional cost.  anyhow welcome to you

Amanda - how are you?  what did your bloods show?

Emma we have to leave for the hospital at 1:45 & wont get back until nearly 5 then DH is straight out the door to work & i will be left trying to take it easy, cook tea, entertain DS & bath him put him to bed Etc!  will try my best to get on here later though to let you know how it all went!!

Encore what time is your scan?

hope everyone is ok, must go & wake little tink up, he finally slept through the night last night after a few rough nights & i woke up at 5am!!!!

lol  mo x


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Kitty and Amanda welcome to the thread.

I can really empathize with what everyone saying. All my friends are pregnant or just had their second, and its so hard to deal with the questions from people.  I know colleagues at work and clients are expecting me to have a second baby, and most of them rather obviously glance at my stomach whenever they see me. One of the receptionists called out "isn't it time you were pregnant again?" and I felt like throttling her. When I get asked nowadays, I often say that we have decided to have just one, and I find that shuts them up. 

Also the ski thing resonates with me and the whole issue of putting your life on hold. I've decided as much as possible to try and keep my life moving forward, DESPITE ivf so we are actually off skiing on Sunday! I knew that it would co-incide with the start of my next cycle, and also if I was pg from a previous cycle, I couldn't ski, but thought "what the hell" and booked it anyway (I actually had some magical thinking that if I booked it, it might mean that I would be pg, a kind of devil's advocate thing, but no, didn't happen ). I try to keep active and social, and to a point, it works. We also bought a house recently with 4 bedrooms not the 3 which we might have bought had we known we would only have one child - that was a big thing for me, but we did it anyway, even if we didn't have another child.

The things that I really really hate about the whole thing are what it does to friendships and relationships, and  the relationship with your existing child being affected in any way by going through the difficulties of a cycle. And also just the shear length of the process and the out of controlness of it - not knowing whether it will work or not, not being able to do anything about it that will make it happen (apart from the obvious), the fact that no-one understands unless they have been through it so that even the nicest people can be thoughtless, and say things and react in ways that can feel so wounding and so hurtful and thoughtless, when they have no intention of being like that.  And I hate how it sometimes brings out a side of me I don't like. How jealous I can be and how I want those who get pg so easily to feel some of my pain - I can really feel hateful towards them at times, and I just can't stand feeling like that. And how I feel sometimes that I have to protect people from my pain because they react so diffently and awkwardly to me when they know how bad I feel,  and how what I yearn for, comes so easily to them.  And I hate being the different one, the one that doesn't fit in and the one who is "having IVF", whatever they know or don't know about what that means. Its so marginilizing.
And I hate not being able to give my husband another baby or my parents another grandchild.

Sam - I have got Zita's book, but I don't know that I agree with a lot of what she says (sorry if that offends anyone as I know that her book is used extensively). I'm not sure that there is much proof or research about to support her claims. I think people need something to follow,  because doing what she says is a way to exert some control over what is essentially out of our control. And as you feel more desperate, you'd do ANYTHING if you thought it would help. But at the end of the day I don't think it really makes much of a difference (obviously beyond a healthy diet, no ciggies etc.) And with me, the more organic food I ate, the more stuff I gave up and the more I change my lifestyle for ivf, the more resentful, depressed and angry I'd feel when it fails, and the less I'd cope, I think. And I keep thinking that I didn't change much when I did my first cycle, and that was the one that worked. But every now and then, I get really motivated and decide to radically change my lifestyle - It doesn't last long I have to say, it just makes me miserable

Encore - good luck with your scan, hope all is well 

Fragile - fingers crossed for your little ones, hope they are nice and snuggly tucked in by now.

Emma - sorry you have been having problems. Its a real struggle isn't it, with wanting to live your life, knowing how precious it is, and how precious little Luke is and yet having to get back on the treadmill and to try and not let it affect you, your relationship or existing child. I've got no answers. I guess for me its good to know that ff is here and people can understand how tough it is. 


Amanda - hope your cycle is going well.


I'm actually going really well, and haven't really been focused on IVF at the moment. Ds has been really good, dh is going through some sort of depression (hates his job etc etc). My doctor said that he would tell me to stop doing ivf if I had another 2 or 3 bfns, as my chances would be so low, that to him, it wouldn't be worth it. But they do let you carry on if you don't feel ready to stop. Anway, he also said my LH leves were low during d/r so this time, I am going to be injecting HCG (which acts like LH), because apparently there has been studies that suggest that low LH can increase your risk of miscarriage.

Anway, that's all for me, 

Hi to everyone else and our absent friends (where ARE you all - Hun adn Scoop, Scruffy and Succotast and CJ and everyone else - are you OK?)

Love,

Suzy


----------



## Hun

Hi to all

Justa quickie from me, I have been having a bit of a break from the site after getting a BFN on my last cycle (when the site was down).

Will write  a proper catch up later when I am not meant to be at work. 

Hun xx


----------



## encore

hi all, scan was good.  2 bloobs, 2 heartbeats.

Mo, hope the et went smoothly.  now you just have to get through the bloody 2ww.....

kitty, i've had the same with people asking when i'm going to have another.  drives me mad. none of my friends or family know about our issues or tx so i can sort of forgive them.  as time goes on i am always sooooo glad that i never told anyone.  i am lucky as there are twins in my family so no-one should think anything of me having twins.  i was lucky i suppose as my dh is so laid back he is horozontal and starting tx again was really up to me.  though it never seemed to be in his frame of reference.  he was forever calling me up and saying ohhh there is a cheap flight to (insert name of obscure european city here) will i book a weekend?  it drove me insane as the days he suggested were always right in the middle of when we were planning tx.  it was just never on his mind.  i blew my stack one day and called him an insensitive pr*ck, which quite frankly is an accurate descruption of him at times.  Re the skiing, he went a couple of times when i was pregnant and by that point i didnt care.  I came to the conclusion that on the basis that it didnt affect my tx he could do whatever he wanted.  infertility certainly doesnt bring couples closer together!  I also found infertility hard to accept.  I know that if this pg goes well i will wipe the entire experience from my mind and be thankful that i never have to go to that bloody clinic and sit in the waiting room with a bunch of women and listen to that bloody credit card machine whirring every 10 seconds.

it really is just as hard going again even when you have a child.  you know what you're missing out on if it doesnt work.

suzy hope the skiing goes well.  is there much snow?  i love skiing though i only started when i moved to the uk.  i'll miss it when we go home.  i'm glad you're feeling good.

how soon do you think you'll go again sam?  your dh sounds like mine - car vs ivf....wtf   i had to giggle a bit at that.

hun, sorry for your bfn.


----------



## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

I always thought I would be happy if with one child and grateful for the tx working, but like everyone else, I am as desperate to have a second one.  Actually I would like 3, but I don't see how I can fit that in, given my age (37).  In fact, I think I am more upset about tx for the second one than I was before I got pregnant.  Before dd was born, I never really knew if I would get pregnant ever so I was prepared to accept that I might not.  Now I know I can get pregnant, I feel an enormous pressure to get pregnant again.  I had a really hard time wiht my bfn last month and started to get very stressed about everything.  For some reason I had decided I had to get pregnant again over the summer or it wouldn't ever happen. This is obviously pretty stupid but I guess I didn't want the age spacing to be too large and this made me put pressure on myself. I read a book that helped me put things in perspective (i.e. get used to not being in control, there is nothing you can do) and I bought some meditation cds which are really helping me relax and not think about IF all the time.  Anyway, I really empathise with all the recent comments.

I am downregging at the moment, baseline scan on Saturday.  Not enjoying cycling again and dreading EC as it will be in my busiest week at work so I won't be able to take hardly any time off.

Mo, good luck with the 2ww
encore, congrats on the scan
Emma, hang in there, I know that feeling about putting life on hold
Hun, hugs for the bfn

hello to everyone else, sorry I am terrible at personals.

Lynne


----------



## fragile

Hi all

Hun  i am so sorry for your BFN - there is nothing more i can say but i am thinking of you & sending huge hugs. x  


i feel really underwhelmed by my ET today.  the embies were not as great as last time one a grade 3 & 3 cell the other a grade 2 & 5 cell.  i had 2 grade 2's last time & 6 & 8 cells.  still im trying to stay positive as really these are a day behind the other ET's as they were frozen straight after fertilization so when they were taken out yest that was really the same as the EC day & today is just one day later whereas for a fresh cycle in development terms they would go in tomorrow so fingers crossed.

didnt like the ET.  had a foreign man & i have had 4 ET's now & i have never had someone fiddle about with the speculum  so much & rest their hand on my lady bits while waiting for the catheter before & his hand brushed my bum while they were going in.  DH commented as we left that he spent an awful long time "cleaning inside"  & asked if i wanted to make a complaint as i just didnt feel comfortable at all. but you know when you think "dont be stupid he is a doc & a professional i was probably just imagining it?"       well if it was just his way i didnt like it & was very glad of the nurse in the room although she was waiting down the business end & every other time they have been up with me chatting so i felt like she was checking him & that she maybe thought it was a bit odd.  probably just me i know but i left the hospital feeling a bit deflated & as if he hadnt put them in.  

had the misfortune to have my nether regions pointing at the air conditioning vent so by the time it was all done i was getting nervous i was going to wet myself (what the hell is a "comfortably full bladder" anyway?) with all that cool air blowing on me!  

anyway they are in so i shall be driving you all demented on my 2ww so apologies in advance. 

Encore - HUGE congratulations to you on your two healthy heartbeats 

Suzy hope you enjoy the ski-ing.  know what you mean about Zita, only read bits of it someone lent me but your right in desperation some people are willing to try anything (says she with a thermal vest wrapped round her tummy to help implantation!!?!?!?)  i think if someone wrote a book saying smearing yourself head to toe in mashed bananas would work then an awful lot of desperate women would try it.   

have to say when i had DS i didnt have computer access so i didnt do any lifestyle changes at all (no drinkin obviously)  but since then with my last 2 fresh cycles i was eating brazils etc.  am going to try not to drive myself demented with what i should /shouldnt be doing this time.  i think really if its going to work it will no matter what you do, after all there are women in the rice fields of china doing back breaking work not sitting with their feet up drinkin pineapple juice & they have babies - ho hum!

anyway enough waffle im supposed to have my feet up!

lol  mo x


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, god missed not being able to post only just been able to log just now as forgot my password   better late than never, 

Hi Hun so sorry about your bfn, and not having this site to turn to as well must have been awful as it's such a support. Sending you loads of  

Good luck Suzy with this cycle, when you off skiing?

encore   on the twins, great to hear scan went so well, look forward to hearing all about the next 8 mths 

Hi Emma, sorry your feeling a bit all over the place, when do you find out if you can egg share? (sorry not up to date on the goings on on here) 
Me and DH have our appt for egg sharing on Monday  hope all goes well.

Hi fragile , sorry your ET experience was uncomfortable, it does sound like the Dr was a bit too touchy doesn't it, lucky the nurse was there, your meant to tried and be relaxed but I bet that was impossible. Never had a prob as I've only ever had women, although when I start egg sharing it will be a man who does the ET.
Fingers crossed for the    , One of my boys was a 5cell frostie on day 3 when he went back hope thats helpful 

Hi Lynne good luck with your baseline scan on Saturday, and with your whole cycle 

HI Kitty   welcome 

Scruffyted, hope you are keeping well Hun, sending you loads of   

Well apart from going mad not being able to get log in on here   nothing much has been happening, we have our appt on Monday to have our counseling, blood and other tests and see the TX nurse to discuss treatment, so have to be there for 1pm and were booked up with one thing or another until 4pm and it takes an hr and a half to get there then same again to get back so a long day. 
Nanny and Grandad are coming to stay Sunday night ready to have the boys on Monday, I'm more nervous about that than then clinic as no one apart from DH has ever looked after the boys  I'm sure they will be fine it's me that will be worrying.

Going to try that spell tonight thats on the complementary therapies thread, anythings worth ago  

Love CJ xxxx


----------



## shiabni12

Hi all
I have been reading this thread for a while and have decided to take the plunge and join in.It is such a relief to read posts that reflect similar feelings to my own. I was feeling quite guilty that I wanted a second child as I felt so blessed to have Ewan after all the heartache we went through and I know that there are so many out there still waiting for that special baby.

But I cant stop that desire for another one, I still have the Blooming Marvellous and Jojomama catalogues delivered and I try to convince myself that its to look at things for Ewan, but somehow I always find myself looking at the maternity wear and newborn clothes!!!!!

It is still early days for us as I don't think we will be having txt until next year, I had to agree to that as my dh was unsure about starting again, as I have been suffering with post natal depression and he is worried about me taking the drugs again. But in the mean time we will try naturally (if we can ever find time for  that is!!!!!!!!) Who knows it might just happen!!!!!

Anyway, hope you don't mind me joining your thread and I look forward to getting to know you all.

LOL
Kate


----------



## encore

hi kate, welcome.

my dd was 8lb 4oz too!


----------



## shiabni12

Hi encore

thanks for your welcome.

WOW twins, huge congratulations


----------



## emma73

Hey all - just a quick note to say I'm off on my hols tomorrow morning for a week - to Majorca, keep those babies nice and cosy Mo - when do you test??

sorry no time for personals - still packing - but so  sorry to hear of your negative Hun - it simply sucks. 


Emma  xx


----------



## CJ

Hi Katie, welcome to the thread, I remember you I think from when I had FET, also remember sending you a pm when you got pg, I was so pleased for you , and now he's here and growing up fast, time goes so quickly.
Sorry to read you have suffered with PND, can understand why hubby is worried about you my best friend suffered very badly after her twins but is a little better now.
I can totally understand your feelings about wanting another child, even with my twins the feelings are still there, just because we all have IF issue it doesn't make our feeling go away, it just makes us appreciated what we have so much more. 

I'm hoping to eggshare with Sailsbury soon, you aren't with them or are you? Do you know anything about the clinic there? I'm going on Monday but I haven't heard anything about the clinic from people on here.

Where has everyone gone  Suzy, Emma, Hun, Scruffyted, scoop, spangle, 
fragile etc etc where are you all..?


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## emma73

hey CJ - I'm still here - but not for long - have to go to bed now as got to get up at 4.30 am. EEEK! Luke wont be too chuffed at getting up at 5.15 am, but I hope he sleeps on the plane. I had all sorts of plans of what I could take on the plane with me to keep him occupied, but not anymore! I have my clear growbag bag and the bare essentials in it. Not a single toy. AARRGRGGHHH.

Hope all goes fast for you with egg share CJ. 

Have a good week everyone, 

Bye bye
xxxxx


----------



## CJ

Have a great trip Emma, hope your not too effected by all the goings on on the news lately, I know are local airport has been crazy the last couple of days.

Don't envy you having to get up that early or entertain a toddler on a plane but definitely envy the holiday, we going to center parcs in sept,not very exotic but only a 30 mins car journey away lovely.

Goodluck and have a great time   
CJ x


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Kate - welcome to the thread, and good luck with trying naturally. I had PND too, and am still on anti-depressants. Fortunately for me, they work very well, so I've felt fine now for a long time, but it was't like that in the first month of having dh - it was a bit like living a nightmare.

Hun - so sorry about your bfn 

Well, Hi and bye to every one else. We're off skiing early tomorrow, and will only be back on Friday  I had my blood test today, it showed I have ovulated and I'm starting again on synarel tonight. Whoopee doo. Can't get too excited, I feel like a veteran. Only thing that concerns me is how not to drink too much on holiday . Emma, I"ll think of you in sunny Majorca, whilst I am in sub zero temps!

Love to all and see you all  soon,

Suzy


----------



## shiabni12

Hi 
thanks for everyones welcome!!!!

CJ-yes I do remember you and your pm!!! I had all of my txt at Salisbury, Mr Fountain the consultant is lovely and so are the nurses, it is a fairly small clinic so you usually see the same member of staff everytime you go. That is where our 7 frosties are still frozen so please say hello to them while you are there for me!!!! I hope it all goes well for you on Monday I don't think you will have any issues with them there, I was always very happy with the care, so much so I still want to have my txt there even though its now 150 miles away!!!! Good luck for Monday.

Suzy- hope you have a lovely holiday hope its not too cold!!!!

Hi to everyone else
LOL
Kate


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

just to let you know that i will be looking after you all while suzy is on her hols!

please pm me with any updates you need made to the list(and also if you need anything done)

good luck 

hugs

Mez
xxxx


----------



## fragile

Hi Katie & welcome to you

CJ enjoy centre parks - havent been for years but it is still lots of fun, if a little expensive!

Emma - you poor thing.  i really pity all those poor people with children.  when i flew will DS to America i had a whole rucksack for him of food, milk, toys, clothes, nappies etc.  i really dont know how you will manage but hope its all ok for you & you enjoy your holiday.

Hello Mez, thanks for looking out for us while Suzy is having fun in the snow.

Hun - how are you?

Encore are you ok, suffering any symptoms?

Well this is, so far, the calmist ive ever been on a 2ww.  i think its because ive decided if it doesnt work then thats it so i have started to accept already that my DS will be an only child.  im not glum about it i just think i have put myself through enough & DS is such a wonderful age at the moment i want to stop and enjoy him instead of wishing for something that might never be. of course if i get my BFP when i test on the 23rd then i will be over the moon but i think im thinking negatively to save that crushing disappointment that follows all that hope.  hmmm, of course by next week i could have changed my mind again & be a sobbing wreck praying it has worked...we will see!  9 sleeps till test day if AF doesnt turn up after 5 sleeps!!!

hope everyone has been having a good weekend

lol  mo x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

I'm back...
I couldn't let you know that we went away on holiday as the site was down, so glad it is back online!

I'll start at the beginning....A few weeks ago a close friend of mine came round to tell me she was pregnant with her 3rd-her words"it was unplanned but this one better be a girl" She has two lovely boys aged 5 and 7!! I did the right thing and congratulated her and she said you'll be next!! If only. Anyway she left and I collapsed, I sobbed and sobbed curled up on the floor   I rang DH and he came home, I think it broke the camels back as it were..what with my sister's baby due in 2 weeks and then my friends announcement when I am still trying to come to terms with my miscarriage....Anyway that night friends of ours rang for a chat and DH told them everything-they have a villa in Lanzorate and have often asked us if we wanted to go over there-but we have always been saving for treatment. Anyway they told us to have the villa for nothing as we needed time away, all we needed to do was pay for our flights. So that is what we did, it was all last minute and we flew out a week later. It was great, just what we needed, some sunshine, rest and relaxation. DS loved spending time jumping in the pool and spending time at the wonderful beach. I did feel sad watching children on the beach playing with their siblings. I did still feel the odd one out as not many people only had one child in fact most had 3 or 4 children!! (fertile lot!!) but didn't feel quite as depressed. We had a wonderful 2 weeks especially as we haven't had a holiday abroad since our honeymoon 9 years ago!! We were due to fly home the day of all the trouble at the airports!! So of course we were delayed but we are home safe and sound now-what has happened to summer here!!!

I'm not sure if I mentioned before the site went down that I have been seeing my GP, well she has sent me for counselling-she doesn't think I am depressed but she says I am grieving and I need to talk about it all. So I am waiting for the appointment to come through, not sure if it will help but i need to do something....

I haven't read any of your news yet as still unpacking etc-so will do personals later but i did read yours Hun

Hun- I am so so very sorry to hear your news-I so hoped this was the one for you. I kept thinking of you on holiday hoping and praying it would be a positive for you. I have no words to express how very sad and sorry I am.   You are so good with words and I'm crap-but please know I am thinking of you and your DH and i am here if you want to chat-please take care. Sending you huge hugs.  

love
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## fragile

Scruggyted - so nice to see you!!!

what lovely friends you have letting you stay in the villa for free, im so glad its been a nice relaxing holiday for you.  bit cr*p you flying back with all the airport trouble. 

Sounds like you have a brilliant GP and i hope you dont have to wait too long for an appointment with a counsellor and that it really does help.

lol  mo x


----------



## amanda_hd

Thank you all for your kind messages!

Finally got my hands on female hormones today - yeah!!!     No more shouting at DH hopefully.  Have got all dates through for cycle and fingers crossed my 3 snow babies will be defrosted on 29th August for ET on the 30th August so now just thinking lining thickenning vibes and hopefully this will be a good cycle.

Dust and glue to those that need it

Amanda x


----------



## fragile

scruffyted - calling you scruggyted was just a typo error - SORRY HUN!!!

mo x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Mo

Oh wow just read your profile, your in the 2ww!!! How exciting!! When's test day?? Keeping everything crossed for you, so so hope this is the one for you.   

We were very lucky that our friends didn't want anything for the hire of their villa-i think they felt they wanted to do something for us....Wish we were still there, this weather isn't helping and although I am pleased for my sister i know i am going to find it so very hard when her baby arrives. 

Don't worry about the typo, knew you meant scruffy, my fault for picking a long name!!

love
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## fragile

Scruffyted

do you live close to your sister?  that would be such a nightmare & so painful to see the little one so often.  My SIL luckily lives quite far away but they visited recently with their 2 little ones & went on about how they were going to try for a third so they could get a bigger council house!!!- had to walk away before i hit her.  she announced her first pg the week i MC DS twin - find it really hard to see her and her two children so glad they are far away.

Do i remember right that its just a couple of week until your sister is due?  your poor thing.  have you seen your friend again yet who announced her third pg?  i really do feel for you scruffy. it must feel like everybody is having a baby except you.  i really hope that counselling will help.

it is miserable here at the moment no wonder you wish you were back in that villa - ive had my central heating on loads its been so cold.

Yes i am on the 2ww at the moment i test 23rd as long as AF doesnt arrive although im using pessaries so it may not arrive at all but af is due on sat & i will feel a little hopeful if it doesnt show up.  DS is now awake - a very long lie in for him, ive been up since 6ish our usual time!  anyhow must go for a cuddle in bed with him!

take care

lol  mo x


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, just a quickie, had my mum staying this weekend so as PC is in the guest room I haven't been able to get on for a couple of days. 

Anyhow had appt yesterday, went really well the nurse seem to think she could get in started towards the end of this yr aiming for EC in Jan . We were led to believe the list was a yr wait (and thats to egg-sharing not receiving eggs) so DH and I were very excited about that. Even better though we had a SA done and for everytime we have had it done they have been rubbish on motility, less that 10% motility and they were sluggish and 0% progression so really bad. Well the man came in to tell us that IVF would be fine with DH's sperm the sample was boarderline with motility but everything else was great   we then told him we were there to have ICSI not IVF but he told us if we wanted to change to IVF with that sample result we could   amazing , we won't be though we will still have ICSI because of the bad results in the passed but just so encouraging that it's improved so much, up to 42% motility now and progression is normal  He did say it could change on the next SA etc which I totally understand but as we have have 3 10% motility SA for the tests I'm so pleased to see a change especially after DH has been taking vits and reflexology and doing allsorts.

Hi Scruffyted,   sounds like you need a few hugs Hun, it's so hard when those around tell you there pg but when you are coping with a m/c is just too much, I totally understand you breaking into tears and feeling so so down, and your sister giving birth soon too, I just really wish I could give you a big hug, feel so sad for you Hun, it's like it never rains but it pours 
I'm glad you had a break in the sun but of course that can't make it all better I hope you fine some peace with the councilor, not the same thing but we talked with the councillor yesterday and it was really good, to be honest we talked more about marriage and how having TX for most of the time we have been together has effected us. It was so great so just talk about us and then each other. I hope it has a positive effect for you.

Have a great hols Suzy   

Hi Mo, nearly one week down on the 2ww, everything crossed for you hun  

HI Emma, you'll be sunning your self on the beach now, maybe, hope the airport was o.k and the plane journey too.

Hi to everyone else , hope your well 

Love CJ x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Mo

Yes she is due on the 28th of August, so not long to go. She only lives about 20mins away, so i will see her quite a lot. It doesn't help that my mum goes on and on with a daily phone call or pops round here to tell me all about how my sister is, how big she is, how everyone is guessing if it is a boy or girl, how my DS is going to love the new baby  what the pram looks like etc-all things I really don't need to hear. I did speak to her about it but she just said well she is your sister you should be pleased for her-I am but....you know  Also my brother-in-law gets married Saturday, which is nice as DS is pageboy and DH is an Usher but i know DH family will all be asking "when are you going to have another one then"!!! Oh god I wish I could!
GRRRR  to your SIL-some people have no idea! So they can have a bigger council house indeed!!! I'm not suprised you nearly hit her!

I haven't seen my friend since she has announced her 3rd pregnancy, I am embarrassed to say I just cannot face her, it feels me with such jealousy when I think about how lucky she is. I know i will have to see her soon but at the moment I just cannot face it 

It's actually sunny here at the moment, how long for i don't know!! Going to get some holiday washing done quickly!!

Ooh the 23rd isn't long!!! I so hope that this is the one for you.   Are you going to the clinic to test or will you test at home?

love
Scruffyted xxxx[br]: 15/08/06, 09:37Hi CJ

We crossed posts....So so pleased to hear you could be starting soon, that's wonderful news. Fantastic news re your DH SA-what's the secret!?  Ooh hun I am so excited for you. What month do you think you will start DR on? 2007 is going to be your year, I just feel it.  

Counselling sounded like it really did you good. Mine isn't a fertility specialist but hopefully they will still understand especially about the miscarriage and how i so desperately want another baby.

Anyway got to go as got to get DS hair cut ready for this wedding on Saturday, be back later for a prober catch up.

much love
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Lynne1

Hi everyone,

Well my baseline on Saturday was fine so I have started stimming.  I feel really terrible at the moment, constant headache and feeling sick.  Not sure if this is a side effect from DRing, I have never had it before. Has anyone else had these symptoms.  Also, another quesion, I read on teh IVF board that a high protein diet improves egg quality.  Since I am a veggie, I have wondered if I have been getting enough protein.  I bought some whey protein, but it tastes disgusting and I can't deal with it at the moment.  Has anyone else tried high protein.  I guess I am grasping at straws and my eggs were fine last time (DD resulted) but I am worried that the quality will have declined since I am 2 yrs older and entering that period of "declining fertility".

Just had to pay for my upcoming EC and transfer, big shock for the credit card!  We are really lucky that our insurance policy has changed for the better since DD in terms of the drugs (we live in the US) so we only have to pay a flat fee of $30 per item which is really great because I seem to be on a much higher dose of stimms this time.  I think the Dr's and hospital fees might be higher in the US than in the UK though.

fragile, good luck with the 2ww, that is absolutely the worst part psychologically

scuffy, I hope the counselling makes life more bearable.  I can't imagine what you are going through.

Amanda, good luck with that lining.  I think I will be having my ET about the same time as you, but of course it depends on when my eggs are cooked!

hello to everyone else.

Lynne

CJ, good news about SA.


----------



## CJ

Hi Scruffyted, DH's secret, well the poor bloke has done a lot of things in the past  but he's just on wellman vits now and has had 2 sessions of reflexology . My mum says it's because he's less stressed but how she would know that about him I don't know, were always stressed about something mostly money but he's hating his job and is desperate to find another one (plus he's on crap money and gets his exam results in just over a week) so I'd say stress levels were as they ever were   mum's eh  think have the quick answer to everything bless'em 

Don't be  embarrassed about not seeing your friend yet sweetie, she should really understand that's what friends are meant to do,  feeling jealousy is totally normal before the boys my (use-to-be )best friend, who has two children, got pg with 1st while we were saving for TX and the next one was while we were having TX and I remember crying all the way home after seeing her in hossie both times and I was so sad but also felt guilty for feeling like it. 
I was so envious of her being able to have a baby when they wanted and getting pg within a few mths. 
She was quite understanding though and left it to me to go and see her but I felt a duty to as we were best friends, she also never talked about pg stuff unless I mentioned it, although you feel a duty to do that too.
Strangely though when I got pg with twins she was the one who went all funny and didn't want to see me through my pg  and now I never see her. not sure what happen there.

Take your time about it Hun you have been through alot lately and your having to come to terms with alot too   I think sometime the problem can be that people who haven't been through IF really can't understand how it feels and often think it will" just happen" for us if we relax or stop trying so hard etc so I often think when they say things that seem insensitive or hurtful it's because they just don't understand. I know that doesn't help Hun but just remember your needs come first there will be plenty of people to help out your sister or chat about pg things with your firend. You do whats best and right for you for the moment.

Hi Lynne, great news about starting stimm, all go from now on then  Not sure about the protein thing I have never really been much of a meat eater and now I never eat it, but I do have fish. I would say just eat a lot of pulses, I love red lentils and often use them instead of mince for sheperd's pie or chili.
Do you eat cheese and eggs? 
Thats what I have most of the time and baked beans. Not very exciting I know but I'm sure it will all help. As you got a great result last time (DD) then I'm sure it's fine. I think sometimes things on here do help and sometimes it's hit and miss, I ate lots of pineapple first time (helps with implantion they say  )and had no caffeine and we got a BFN then next time I ate everything I wanted, gallons of coke and fresh coffee and got the boys  Good luck  

CJ x


----------



## fragile

LYNNE  sorry your suffering - classic symptoms.  i never had them for the 2 two cycles but i did the last cycle.  i heard about high protein too.  the vegetarian society has a protein information sheet its at www.vegsoc.org/info/protein.html  it is so helpful, if you have any problems acessing the site let me know & i will try to email you a link

C.J  WOW-congrats to DH bet thats put a smile on his face & he Is really proud, brilliant news but understand why your still going for icsi.  so glad you dont have such a long wait.

SCRUFFYTED  will be doing HPT - usually at 5.30am!
Huge hugs to you - your mum really doesnt mean to be so insensitive im sure but that doesnt make it any less painful for you.  they just dont get that you can be pleased for the pregnant person but be so totally devastated that its them instead of you at the same time.

Hope the inlaws dont pry & ask that dreaded question.  i was thinking the other day that if this FET is a negative then next time someone asks me im just going to say we would love more children but we cant have anymore - it seems the same people ask me again & again so that would put a stop to it.  im sick of saying "oh i dont know" or "when the time is right" etc & hiding my feelings so that i dont make them uncomfortable with the truth.

I fully understand you not being able to face your friend - dont be embarrassed about it, i would be avoiding her too in the same situation.  hope you got all your washing done, it piddled down on us!

hope everyone else is ok

Hun are you alright?

Encore how goes it with you?

lol  mo x


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone

so much to catch up on.... sorry been awol since the hacker incident but had dreadful computer probs and then the worst 8 weeks of sickness - all coincided with unpacking the house stuff and trying to paint a bit etc...  Not the best combo!  

Hun, i know we've texted but hope you're okay.... big hugs anyway. XXX

Scruffyted, sorry things are tough at the moment.  My two best friends annouced their pgs the day I came out of hospital from my 3rd ERPC... I can understand your feelings and just want to send you a massive hug. 

CJ, great to hear things are moving along fast now.  Fingers crossed for you. 

Suzy, how are you?  XX

Emma, emjoy that holiday!

Mo, good luck, i am keeping everything crossed for you    Not long to go now!

Hi to Amanda and anyone else i've missed.

Sorry, i've been crap but i promise to be better from now on!!!  

love Helena
XXXXXXX

Lynne, hang on in there.  Sorry it's proving to be a tough one.

Welcome Kate!  Sorry it's a bit late!! 

Encore, hope you're well.


----------



## renata

Hi girls!

First of all congratulations on all of your miracle babies! And let's hope for many more miracles.
Was wondering if I could join you?
DD is 12 months old and I have now started with an FET cycle. Had hoped to have an unmedicated cycle, but as things were not going too well (progesterone not rising enough), it had to be converted to a medicated one. Started down-regging (gives me splitting headaches and makes me soooo tired), but hey, it's all worth it.
After all it might just work....

Love Renata


----------



## shiabni12

Hi all

Hello Helena thanks for your welcome!

CJ-glad to hear things went well yesterday, what did you think of the clinic and which nurse did you see, was it Jo, by any chance?

Scuffyted-just to let you know that I had counselling following recurrant M/C and found it really helpful, I just think that talking things through with a professional is different than chatting to your dh or friends. I hope you dint have to wait too long for you appointment and that you find it benefical.

Lynne-good luck with the stimming, I had similar side effects when I was DRing for all of my txts, I just tried to drink plenty of water and that seemed to help.

Welcome Renata-good luck with your FET

Hi to everyone else!!! Where is the August sunshine  !!!!

LOL
Kate


----------



## Hun

Hi Munchkins

Thought I ought to let you know I am still here, and a perfect excuse to cheer myself by uploading a new avatar piccy......

Well there has been so much news here I hardly know where to begin...so bear with me!

Kate, Renata, Amanda - Welcome to our lovely friendly thread. Hoping it happens for you second time around first time, but if not this is a great place to be. Even our pg H4AM friends don't want to leave us..... 

Talking of which...Hi to Helena and Encore- hope those twinnies are tucked up tight. Helena-I know how bad youve been with m/s I just hope it improves for you soon. When you are feeling better we must meet for a cuppa. You went to waitrose in n'mket just as I had come home from there the other day!

Mo- I hope you are ok. The 2ww is never nice. are you an early tester ?

Lynne - hope stimms go well and this is the one for you!

CJ- Great news on the E/s sweetie. I have never ever regretted my decision to do it. It gives me an enormous sense of pride that I might have changed someones life for the better in the most remarkable way.

Emma- how are you doing? Kisses for Luke.hope the holiday is a really relaxing break.

Suzy - Gosh- you are off again! Have fun with the skiiing!

Scruffy - Hello! I hope you are ok, and the counselling helps you to find a more comfortable place. Time is a great healer, and though you will never forget your babies, it will get easier. Give your boys a hug every day and tell yourself how lucky you are to have them. And don't worry AT ALL about avoiding pg/new babies people when you are feeling low - we all owe ourselves enough self respect to allow for space and coping strategies. And remember whatever other people have doesn't change anything for you. You are in the same place as you were before you knew they were pg, the knowledge of it cannot make you feel any worse, but it can make you stronger, having dealt with it. 
Thankyou for your very touching words, they really picked me up the other day - so enough nonsense about not being any good with them.... This site is a rock during tough times. Sending you a massive hug!

Imogen- I know you are lurking, and just wanted to say thanks for your IM. It was very very thoughtful of you, and helped me find the courage to post again today. Sending you a huge hug, and kisses for the scrumptious Roo.

Jojo, Scoop, did you both get hit with BFNs? Sorry i am so behind, sending my comiserations if so. Sam- sorry it was BFN for you too.

Hello to all our pg girlfriends, Dixie, Betty and anyone else I have forgotton.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. Your support means a lot to me.
OK - heres where I am at:

1. Didin't make it to test day with the most full on AF I have had in ages  No frosties again so back to the beginning. Wept buckets, drank wine then felt better.
2. 2 NCT friends had babies in last 3 weeks. Best friend from Uni had her first baby yesterday. Was on a cycle buddies thread where I felt like the only one NOT with a BFP (remind to remain in the sanctuary of H4AM next time!!), it made coming on here extra hard.
3. Follow up at BH tommorow, Consultation with very well respected Cambridge Gynae next monday about the possibility of a lap
4. Then, decide from my three options: Another cycle at BH - cetrotide, a lap - (never had one or a diagnosis) and lots of nice sex for abit, Transfer to ARGC?
5. Enjoy my son, I want to be a mummy again- but absolutely not at any cost to him - I am more resolute about this than ever, and about deciding to stop tx completely when the time comes.

My work diary is horrible with travel to US (what an attractive prospect at the moment) and Europe again, and getting another cycle in this year is looking near on impossible.

However, we have booked a week away on the norfolk coast in Sept - I intend to make sandcastles, fly kites, eat crab sandwiches, have massive cuddles with my boys and drink lots of SauvBlanc! Perfect! 

Love to you all, 
Hun xx


----------



## CJ

Hi Girls,

Mo, hope that 2ww isn't driving you too insane  halfway through now.
Not looking forward to that bit when we cycle again, keep away from the pee sticks this week   and hope AF stays away 

Hi Helena, I remember how you must be feeling now, I couldn't hold anything down and was ill until 18wks then it started again round 28 wks. It was horrid, I remember once feeling fine eating an apple and then..yuck! (TMI you know how it goes after that  ) I hope you feel better soon Hun, as we all know it's all worth it in the end.
Have you got bad heart burn? that was even worse than the m/s in the end, something to look forward  How many weeks are you now?


 Renata and Welcome   Good luck with your FET cycle , I have had all medicated ones, I don't work properly   so had to go down that route but found it reassuring too as I knew what was happening when etc. Fingerscrossed it goes well 

Hi Hun, so sorry it didn't work for you, don't envy  you with all that traveling  your Holiday sounds lovely though, wouldn't mind tagging along for that  sounds like heaven, also I'm great at making sandcastles and drink lots of wine  

Hi Kate Yes I had Jo  , I think she is the only nurse there...?  Only one I have ever seen or spoke to away.
I did like the clinic, well what I saw of it, I didn't get a tour about but everyone seemed help full and the guy who tested Hubby's   didn't know he was going to be doing that but took the sample and tested it for us within 30 mins which was great.
I like the idea of have EC under GA in the hossie outpaintent too, I didn't have a good experience last time and it nearly put me off ever doing TX again.

Right boys in bed so Going to make a cup of tea and sit down, been running around at the park all morning. Can I ask, anyone who has a 2 or nearly 2 yr old,  does your child run into the swings? My two seem to have no understanding at all and if someone is swinging on them, however fast, they will run straight for them. What can I do to stop them..?   It drove me nuts this morning I was on the edge of my nerves as all the big kids where swinging like mad trying to be the highest and my two desperate to run up to them.

Love CJ x


----------



## Lynne1

Hi everyone,

Wow, this place is busy at the moment.  I had a horrible nights sleep, feeling sick with a headache. I am hoping these side effects are going to stop soon in response to all the stim meds.  Just to be replaced by another set of side effects no doubt.  Enough wallowing in self pity!

Hun, hope you are coping okay.  I was pretty devastated about my negative last month, it is really gutting isn't it. Traveling can be really stressful.  Sometimes I have to do a lot for work and I just find it exhausting.  I can never understand those people who think it is fun to travel for work.  It is just a pain as far I am concerned.

Fragile, thanks for the link, it was useful to see what the really high protein stuff was.  Unfortunately, I can't really face food at the moment, to that is the demise of that great plan at the moment.

Helenab, sympathies about the nausea, hopefully it won't last for long.

Kate, the water is a good idea, I am really bad about drinking enough, I need to make a conscious effort to drink more.  But don't they recommend that you drink some enormous amount like 3L a day?

CJ, I hate EC as well.  The drugs they use to sedate you just make you feel yuk.  But then I had a general when I had a lap and that was even more horrible.  They said I couldn't go home until I peed, so I drank loads of water (because I didn't want to stay the night), but didn't pee in time so they kept me in and then I was up all night because my bladder was the size of a football!  I eat cheese and eggs and also love red lentils.  I am trying to eat lots of nuts at the moment, so I will probably put on a few pounds!

Scruffyted, hope you are feeling better little bit by little bit.

Tracey, big hugs!

Hello to Renata and Amanda and anyone else that I have missed.

Lynne


----------



## renata

thanks so much for the lovely welcome, girls!

Lynne-am also a vegetarian, so can understand your protein-problem very well. I sometimes eat these Quorn products (quite yummy, loads of protein and low-fat), and extremely convenient. my favourite are the fake -chicken-bits.There is also a protein-shake available at health food stores , a powder that you can use for making smoothies etc, I really liked it (sorry, forgot the name). Good luck with your cycle!

Love Renata


----------



## encore

Hi everyone,

Hi mo, hope the 2ww isnt too much torture for you.  despite being the biggest finger waver anti pee stick nazi i must admit i did a pee stick at 5.30am on test day....

helena hope the sickness is getting better for you.  i am one of the lucky few who doesnt get a sniff of morning sickness, not even this time with twins so i feel very lucky.  i am really tired though.  more tired than i've ever been in my life, thats about it so can't complain.

Welcome Renata, d/reg has hairs all over it.  i hate it.  makes me feel like [email protected] and always makes af about a week late which really pi$$es me off.  And what exactly is in quorn?

Hi kate, dunno wots happened with the sunshine.  we are moving back to oz soon and in a fit of optimism i've packed all my winter stuff away in boxes.  so i spend half my time saying "oh no, i'm not that cold" while pulling my tissue like cardi tighter around me....

Hun, hope your follow up goes well.  have you written down your questions?  i always get a bit tounge tied in those situations....  PM me if you want to know anything about ARGC.  I used to travel a lot for work and i HATED it.

Scruffy,  just wanted to say i'm pleased to see you're still posting.  As for the wedding, well the only advice i have is   , and if that doesnt work then   some more until you fall down....??

tracey, hope things with your dh improve.  i know exactly where you are coming from.  my attitude was probably less mature than yours, i ploughed on regardless and let me tell you, a positive doesnt necessarily imrove things.

CJ, dont know about the swing thing....but thanks for giving me a heads up re what i can expect in another 11 months with my daughter  

Lynne, hope the stimming is going well, keep eating those nuts....

I have another scan next wednesday which will be 9+1 weeks.  still have very few symptoms apart from tiredness.  just starting to get a stuffy nose which i had with my last pregnancy.  my (.) (.) are getting more impressive by the day.  I've had some brown spotting (tmi) for the past week, but i'm not too bothered as i had exactly the same with my daughter.  Still just itching to get to the 12 week mark.....

xx


----------



## fragile

ok thats it!!!!!    i am fed up of typing on here & having it vanish half way through - GRRRRRRRR!    really cant face typing it all again so welcom to Renata, Hi to everyone else.

im stressing on day 8  

lol  mo x


----------



## encore

its bloody awful isnt it. xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

aaahhh it must be one of those days, just did a long post and lost it!!!
Will try again later, right now I have a bottle of wine to open!!!
Thank you all for your very kind words-need it more than ever today had huge row with my mum   about my sister.

love to you all

Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

how u all doing??

for those whom loose posts when either typing or posting - alot of us write out posts either in word or copy it before we click "post" just incase!

hugs

xxx


----------



## Lynne1

Hi everyone,

Well my dregging symptoms are finally abating.  Just had a blood test and expecting to go for a folly scan on Monday.  Hopefully there will be plenty but not too many!

Scruffyted, sorry to hear that your troubles are continuing.  It is so hard because other people just don't get it.  I think you are prefectly justified in prioritizing your feelings however, it is difficult when relatives don't understand.

Fragile, how are you coping, you have sounded very restrained. 

Renata, you can buy quorn here and I eat it occasionally.  I think it's made from mushrooms isn't it?

Encore, are you nervous about having twins?  The thought keeps crossing my mind as in the US they put several embryos back (no limits).  So for my FET last month, they put all 5 embies back even though 2 were sub standard.  For DD, I had 3 put back and since I older this time, I don't know how many my Dr will want to put back.  Oh well, no use worrying about it I guess.  You most be absolutely thrilled about everything.

Hello to everyone.

Lynne

Encore


----------



## helenab

Evening all!

Lynne, glad to hear the symptoms are easing a bit.  Really horrid when it hits you hard.  Not long now before the exciting bit!  (well, exciting compared to down regging  

Scruffyted, sounds like you need a big hug.  Hope you enjoyed your glass of wine. XX

Really not long to go now mo, getting excited for you!

Hi to everyone else.  Hooray it's Friday!

We had nuchal part 2 yesterday (they could olnly do one twin on the first scan) and all seems okay.  We are nearly 14 weeks.  However, I thought things were too good (except the vomiting 6 times a day!  )  Got into the Obs clinic and started to bleed    Scans were fine, both bubs okay but it has carried on a bit today.  Told to rest but not so easy with DD at 17 months!  Anyway, it seems old blood (sorry if tmi) so hopefully it will stop but not want you want to see at this stage.

have a good weekend

Love Helena


----------



## shiabni12

Hi all

Hope you are all enjoying the lovely August sunshine!!!!!!

encore-you have def the right idea moving back to Oz for the sunny weather, which part are you going to?
Hope you are managing to get plenty of rest and good luck for the scan on weds.

Hun-thanks for the welcome, we are also going to the Norfolk coast for hols in Sept we've not been there before, have you? If so, where do you recommend?

Tracey-sorry to hear you are having problems with dh, hope things improve soon 

CJ-yes EC under GA I think is def better, get knocked out and remember nothing!!! I had that twice at Salisbury.

Lynne-glad to hear side effects are improving, good luck for folly scan on Monday.

Mo-day 10, not long to go, thinking positive thoughts for you.

Scruffyted-hope things have improved between you and your mum  

Helena-glad to hear the scan went well, but sorry about the bleeding, hope it settles down soon

Well we've taken the first step, by contacting our old clinic in Salisbury (where our 7 frosties are) and asking them if they would still be able to treat us, even though we now live in Staffordshire!!! So we will wait and see what the response is, fingers crossed they say yes, I don't really want to have to start looking for a new clinic and move the frosties!!!!!

Anyway, ds has just awoken from nap, so hi to everyone else and hope you all have a nice weekend.

LOL
Kate


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone, back from skiing!  

Its been so busy round here!!! I'm finding it hard to keep up!

Fragile  - wishing you the best of luck with your 2ww. Hope all your dreams come true. I think its a good idea to tell people you can't have any more children. At least it shuts them up and makes them think. I've started saying that we are not having any more because of my age. It is amazing to me that they can then go on about how 40 isn't too late without it even occuring to them that I might not be able to concieve. It makes me so mad 

Scruffy - I can so empathize with where you're coming from about your friends pregnancy and your sister being pg - it must be so difficult for you. I'm getting it in my ear as well at the moment as everyone I know is pg. No wonder you can't face your friend - It really brings out horrible feelings doesn't it? Good on your friends for having you to stay in their villa - their thoughtful gesture makes me wonder about whether if we told people more often just how stressful and despairing ivf and if was, whether people would be more thoughtful than they sometimes are. Hope when the counselling comes through that it'll help you. 

Amanda - fingers crossed for your frosties!

CJ  - Its fantastic and really interesting what happened to DH's SA. It makes me wonder whether I concentrate too much on my health and not his. Great you can start soon - fingers crossed that this is the one! I have had all my EC under GA - my clinic says its better as you don't move when they are collecting the eggs, so its safer. I love the feeling of that first drug then inject into you - its a really pleasant, cosy, euphoric feeling, spoilt then by being put to sleep several seconds later 

Lynne  - hope your cycle is going well. Where in the US are you and are you orignally from the UK? Your symptoms sound like downregging side effects to me.

Helenab  - glad everythings going well with your pg? Hope you are really well and all is going to plan

Renata - hi and welcome to the thread . Good luck with this cycle.

Hun - so sad about your bfn. Bloomin AF - . Also sorry you too are surrounded by other people having their second. YOur holiday sounds wonderful . Love the idea of SauvBlanc, lots of cuddles and crab sandwiches. It seems to me that the only people who think travel with work is brill is people like me who never do it!!!

Tracey - sorry things are bad - I'm sure you need this like a hole in the head 

Encore  - where are you going in Australia? Good luck for your scan on Wednesday!

Kate  - well done on your decision!

Me - well, I'm back from skiing and have a cold! Both Dh and I got gastro during the week. Dh fainted into a pot plant whilst holding ds!! Apart from that, it was great. I was a bit slack with remembering the synarel exactly on time, but fortunately have no side effects when d'****** ( reading through everyones posts I think I'm pretty lucky on that point!). Ate too much and probably drank too much - I'm heading off to weightwatchers tomorrow - even if I maintain my weight through this cycle, it'll be a win! I've decided my new motto is : "I will not be hostage to ivf". As in I have a life and will still have a life despite IVF!

Hi to everyone else adn anyone I've missed.

Love,

Suzy


----------



## CJ

Hi all just a quickie as feeling a bit down, just had sister round to visit (not seen her since March even though she only lives 75 mins away), anyway I should have known something was up as she never offers to come here. You've guessed it she PG again!! This will be number 5! Why? They live in a tiny 3 bed they will have to move now. She actually told me last yr that she was having no more, but today she said that she's getting older now (31? yea right   ) and they though just one more (what must that be like ) 
I feel cross even writing this and she's my sister. I know it's not there fault they get pg by a look but theres lots of reasons (which I won't go into) which makes me feel this isn't the best decision. Of course I am envious but I know she really wants a boy (has 4 girls) and I hope this isn't anything to do with that (feel so bad for saying that)
She is lovely and she was very nervous telling us which at least shows me she understands our feelings and IF probs but she's 21 wks already so feel I have been left out a bit as everyone has been keeping it secret 

Sorry for moaning on, it feels like there are so many of our family and friends getting pg on here lately, something in the water... let me have a glass 

Just makes be p*ssed off to think every month we have had   about 10 times, I've used opk's and done my temps, DH is on vits and reflexology and she told me they did it once and she wasn't even sure when it was......once how is that even possible 
Also , and this is mean of me, I just kept thinking "great thats another birthday and Xmas pressies" The thing is they already cost 150 pounds between them and we have a huge family and we are trying to save to have another go, god I'm Scrooge  

Hi Suzy , lovely to have you back glad you had a lovely hols hun, where are you up to on TX?

HI Kate, I'm sure Salisbury will have you back there, they do seem lovely too. They ET with ultra sound too don't they? Hope you can get things going soon.

Love to you all

CJ x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

CJ-Oh sweetheart-why why why is life so bl***y cruel, 5!!!  I'd love to "just fall" and not know when!! Oh hun, I feel your heartache-my goodness 21 weeks already, that would be hurtful knowing that everyone else knew and you didn't. You are not moaning and that is what we are all here for, to support one another. This is the most hardest and cr** year for so many of us-roll on 2007! You are not scrooge at all, it is so expensive buying for everyone and now another one-fully understand. Just like my friend she wants her baby to be the opposite sex to what she has already got-why!! We all want a healthy baby, girl or boy!! 
YOU will get your dream, I just feel it-you will have another baby-you so derserve it and I just know you will.   I think she sees how wonderful your boys are, she wants what you have. 
Sending hugs sweetheart, I am here for you to rant, shout or cry.  

Just popped on as just received a phone call to say my sister's water's have broken and she is on her way to hospital   oh girls i can't cope.........only you girls will understand how i am feeling.....

We had such a lovely day yesterday at the wedding, even coped with people asking me if we will have another baby   and now this.....i am so so jealous-what a horrible moo I am  

sorry for no personals, i will i promise once I can concentrate.

love
Scruffyted xx


----------



## suzy

CJ - that's really rough, I feel for you, I really do. Yes, she may have shown some understanding of your feelings, but I think its really hurtful when people leave you till the last to tell. Its done in an attempt not to hurt your feelings, when in fact it does the opposite and makes you feel excluded and marginilized. I think its really an attempt not to have to face the awkwardness of telling, when in reality, you can't hide it for ever.

I know how it feels too, to bust your gut every month to ttc and be met with repeated failure, when every last little bit of you has been used up trying - when someone tells you they are pg and how easy it was, you just want to shrivel into a ball and die. I for one, can feel really resentful and hateful, and this makes it doubly bad because although those feelings are normal, I feel a real sh.t for having horrible feelings like that.

And I really hate it when people in their early 30s say they are old   I still can't bring myself to chance my 39 to 40 

Anyway, I hope the pain is lessening for you as time goes on - big hugs for you,

Suzy

By the way, my second pg friend has just given birth today , and I feel very excited and emotional in a good way, which is refreshing - she's another of those women who fell pg having just come off the pill, without even having had a period yet . She just had to bonk her husband ONCE (!!!) (she even timed it so she would have a boy, and its worked - whether you believe in that stuff or not). Whereas my dh and I could be contenders for the "BMS Olympics" if we have much more bms.


----------



## CJ

Ah thanks Scruff and Suzy, thank god for this site and being able to let it all out.
The thing is now I don't feel so much upset for myself as I know how lucky I am and I definitely don't wish I was her and we could swap places as I think when you say things like that you really have to take the whole life not just the good bits and quite frankly she has been through some horrid times. I just wish I could have a little bit of the fertility she has, and as cr*ppy and awful as every month is wouldn't even mind if it took us a few yrs, just wish I would know it would happen one day.

What upsets me more is when I think of others not as lucky as me having 2 and guilty I have a sister who has so many children when others would be happy for a slice of what she has. 
Even DH, whose not the most sensitive of blokes, said he was really upset about it as he'd been for his reflexology the day before (sat) and they Lady told him about her friend who was going through an awful time, has had 6 IUI, 4 IVF's 2 DE ivf's and has now moved on to surrogacy which her sister has offer to do. All DH say he could do was think of that poor women just trying her hardest to get 1 baby and trying everything she could and has re mortgaged her house. 
I was shocked and really proud of DH (hope that doesn't sound funny) but finally he's thinking like I do and seeing the bigger picture and how lucky were are compared to so many.

Scruffy your such a lovely kind person so selfless, with everything thats going on with you , you are always still thinking to help others when there down, sending you loads of     just wish I could win the lottery Hun as I would give it to you like a shot (well maybe not all of it )

Hi Suzy, thanks for the hugs, sending some back to you, it's great to hear you sound positive about your friends new baby but it still hurts and feels sad I know.
I really want to know how these people on do it once   i don't get it.
If you win gold at the "BMS Olympics" then we have to get silver  could truly do no more each month.

love to you both and hope we all get a bit of    someday, if this is my sisters last one (please god) then it's only fair I steal her   and pass it round.
CJ x


----------



## fragile

CJ  so sorry, it must be so hard for you with her having so many & now another one on the way.  and it is so hurtful for you to be told this late on & be the last to know but im sure it was done with the best intentions, as she felt bad telling you she does have some sense of your feelings.  the kids are all young enough to not miss an xmas & birthday gift.  im sure at their ages they would be happy with a bag of sweets or a selection box or some girlie hair clips and a bit of make up.   have to say we have explained to friends we wont be buying their little ones any gifts & nephews & nieces get a £10 note each & the family are very understanding that we cant afford it - YOU ARE NO SCROOGE!!! you just have more important things to spend your money on than frivolous gifts so dont feel guilty about cutting back on what you spend.  huge hugs to you.

Suzy - back from ski-ing.  sorry to hear you havent been too good, you poor thing! only ever fainted once in my life, very scary!  love your new motto - good for you!

Helena - you poor thing, what a lot of worry for you but at least you have the reassurance that all looked well on the scan, hope the bleeding has settled down now & you have no more worries.

Lynne glad you are feeling better, have you got your appetite back yet?

SCRUFFY - glad you got through the wedding ok.  sorry about the  imminent arrival, it must be so hard for you.  we are all here for you hun when you need us.  huge hugs for you, this is such a difficult time for you i know


Stupid me.    i havent been on 'cause i feel like a fool.    i tested!  i know i know!  did first test, boots own, fri afternoon & if i squeezed my eyes almost shut & squinted it was a feint positive so i did another one sat morning expecting a darker line.  no line at all BFN.  so i went out & bought predictor & did a test sat evening BFN AND couldnt help myself did another test sunday!  BFN of course.  i know its too early & BFP didnt even show day 13 last time but on the positive i have done a search on here for predictor & loads of people have said they got false neg with them.  some people even doing 3 different brands of tests at once (long wee to do that many!!) & predictor came up neg & others pos so still hopeful but at the same time thinking it hasnt worked as ive had quite bad AF pains sat night &sunday   & AF was due sat so assume pessaries may be holding it off rather than pregnancy but you never know oh god i will stop waffling now!!!!  just cross   with myself for spending nearly £15 on tests when i know i should have waited and will now have to buy more for wed.   ah well!

hope everyone else is ok, finding it hard to keep up!
CJ you posted while i was typing, bless DH!
lol  mo x


----------



## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

CJ, it is so hard with very fertile relatives.  My SIL got pregnant twice when on the pill (although I suspect she wasn't taking it propertly)!  I hope you are feeling a bit better now.  It is a real kick in the teeth when relatives mishandle things so much.

Scruffy, hope you are coping okay with the new delivery.  Hugs to you.

Helanab, hope everything is okay and you are managing to keep some food down.

Fragile, naughty naughty naughty with the evil pee sticks!!!!!  I am not looking forward to going through the 2ww again.  Funny, for my first IVF, I didn't touch them, but when I had my FET I couldn't stay away.  It is like being addicted to heroin.  I won't touch them, I won't touch them, well just one little one, oh no better do another.  Do you think early testers have gambling tendencies?

Suzy, I live in Indiana, not the most glam part of the US.  I am from the UK originally, but have been living abroad for about 10 yrs now.  Lived in Sweden before the US, so I have experienced diagnosis/tx in a few places! I am jealous about the skiing.  No hills around me.

hello to everyone else.

Had my folly scan this morning, there are a few, but they aren't very big yet.  My DR thought I would be doing EC on Friday, but I am not sure they will be big enough by then.  It is a bit of a nightmare at the moment as I teach on Tues and Thurs starting this week (at a University) and it is really hard for me to get out of it, so timing is a bit crucial and it is adding another stress.

Hope all are well.

Lynne


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

CJ-Hope you are feeling a little better today, if you get silver and Suzy gold then I must insist that we get bronze!!  Thank you for the hugs and lovely words, really need them today    Would be lovely if we could have some of your sisters fertility and my sisters, she fell first month of trying!  I'm relying on you to win the lottery as I have no chance of winning as I don't even do it, i always say oh well another £1 not wasted!!  Seriously though that is a lovely gesture thank you sweetheart-maybe one day eh!? Bless your DH, mine has been my rock these last few months. So great when they understand.

Suzy-hope you had a lovely time skiing, sorry to hear you and DH were poorly, not good that he passed out   any reason why? Hope he is ok, bet DS cried as he was in daddy's arms!! Wish I could feel like you do for your friend-you are a much better person than me   love your motto-sounds like you are really doing good. When do you go for baseline?    Great that you don't get side effects from d/r.

Mo-  step away from the peesticks, they are evil!!! You have tested way to early!!! I have also heard that about predictor tests. I so so hope that you get a wonderful BFP on Wednesday.   

Hun-Hope you are ok sweetheart-your holiday sounds wonderful, bet you can't wait. How did your follow up go at BH? Be intresting to see what they say about a lap.

Tracey72-sweetheart i am so sorry to hear you are having troubles with DH, i so hope you can work it out. We are here if you want to chat.   

Lynne1-oh wow didn't know you lived in Indiana-don't know much about it, do you like living there? Hope your follies grow some more by your next scan.  

Helana-Hope the bleeding has stopped, glad the scan went well, when is your next one? hope the sickness has eased.  

Encore-When do you go back to Oz? Wish i could go!! I have a very good friend that lives just outside Sydney and another friend who is moving out there next month!! If it wasn't for DH business than we would seriously consider emigrating! hope you are feeling ok, good luck for your scan on Wednesday. 

Kate-Haven't said hello-so hi and welcome   glad you have contacted your clinic, hope they will still treat you, I'm sure they will as our clinic is not our nearest, it was our choice to go there.

Hi to everyone else-sorry if I haven't done a personal to you, so many of us.

Anyone heard from Succotash or Spangle?? girls if you are reading hope you are ok, have been thinking about you both a lot lately.

Well my sister gave birth today to a boy-6lb 7oz, she had to have a c-section in the end (runs in the family then!) i am pleased for her but so so wish it was me as well, doesn't help that i can't help thinking my twins would have only been 4 months younger than there cousin    My mum has already asked when i am going to go up the hospital!! Well i know I will have to go and i know I will cry my eyes out   Spangle, if you are out there how did you cope going to see your sister in hospital?? She will be in for a few days, my mum is moaning that my DS can't go in to see her!! i have said i will go but I won't go on my own and someone (ie my mum) will have to look after Ds as i want to go in with DH as he is the only one who will understand how i am feeling.  I sound such an awful jealous cow and i admit i am  

My counseling appointment has come through, it's not until end of September   and then that's just a consultation the actual appointment will be a few weeks after that!! oh the good old NHS!! 

DH has booked for us to go camping for this coming bank holiday, he booked it as a suprise knowing my sister was due next week-now she has had baby early it looks like we are running away!! Just hope it doesn't pee down!!
I don't know no holidays for years than 2 (ish) in a few weeks!!!
Right off to drown my sorrows with a bottle of red wine  

love to you all

scruffyted xxxx


----------



## renata

CJ-can completely understand your feelings about your sisters super-fertility.
I suppose the only comfort is that she does probably not quite appreciate how lucky she really is. 

Suzy -really enjoyed reading your post and like your motto, am actually sort of repeating it to myself.

Fragile- hope you get a better result on test-day   

Me : am trying hard to stay positive. I was so determined not to let all of this get to me, and have decided that I will remain happy regardless of the outcome of this FET or any further tx. Yes, I would love another little one, but if it won't happen I want enjoy what I already have....
Unfortunately these evil DR drugs have really gotten to me, I just feel awful: tired, dizzy and cranky and irritable. I will try to remain cheerful though......

Love Renata


----------



## spangle

Hi everyone.

Sorry have just been reading posts to keep up to date with how my fertility friends are doing. 

Scruffyted- I couldn't not post hun when I read your post. The day the site went down I sent you a private mail but am not sure if you got it. You are always in my thoughts. So sorry you too are going through what I went through with my sister. I found that actually seeing the baby in the hospital I had dd was not as bad as I thought it would be. I kind of detached myself from the whole situation and shut out the ICSI business. The thinking about it was much worse than the actually being there. To be honest i have found that although I have tried to maintain a relationship with my sister it has drifted away, I feel actually it is nothing to do with her having another baby but her not understanding how to help me /be there for me. It is sad but to be honest I don't need her constant grief in my life. It is hard for people to understand but a little compassion wouldn't have gone a miss from her ! I have got stressed over it and angry but now I am sad but more hurt how she has been towards me. I feel she has a go at me over stupid things because she doesn't like how I have stopped trying to make an effort. (Ohh I am going off on one ) I am filling each day with lots of activities and chatting with my fertility friends.

How are the school preparations going ? I have been looking into name labels as dd needs a uniform for her last term in nursery. We bought pinafore yesterday and have got pumps to go !

Have a fab time camping ! We have just comeback from a week in Wales- needless to say it rained some of the time.

Helena- Hope you are ok.

CJ- Oh my goodness I can't beleive your sister has five, I thought I had it tough with my sister having 2 children but 5 is unbelievable you must be very strong.

Renata- Hi and hope this time your dreams come true. The drugs really do play havoc with feeling normal !! I find th the stress monsters always get me no matter what !

Fragile- Good luck hun, thinking of you.

Suzy- Hi, hope this is the cycle for you.Sorry to read about dh hope he is ok.

Lynne1- good luck with your next scan.

Kate- Hi I replied to you on another thread am glad to see you on here as well, this thread is such a great suppport, have you decided anything yet about your frosties ?

Take care everyone, I am awaiting blood results next week, kind of hope they throw up something fixable to explain why I have had so many failed goes.   Am undecided yet wether to have a go before Christmas. Money is a matter of big concern we do what many of you do as we haven't got spare cash for treatment. In fact I can't imagine what it must be like to have free available cash  

love and hugs,

Spangle


----------



## fragile

official test day & still BFN.  the futile hope is killing me wish AF would just show up & put me out of my misery.  talked to DH yest about if we are going to have another go & he said no we have put our lives on hold long enough and been through enough emotional turmoil. i of course am thinking well i had no drugs this time so could start dregging at next AF.  we will see.  i am still kidding myself that its late implantation as AF hasnt arrived even though i know really as have no symptoms at all not like last 2 times
sorry no personals, havent even read any posts   

lol  mx


----------



## emma73

Hi everyone - I havent got a hope in hell of doing personals as so much has been posted since I went away!!

I had a good time in majorca but there were a few moods and a dollop of PMT to deal with (what do you expect with 4 women?). My relationship is in major crisis AGAIN and today is Lukes birthday and the anniversary of his twin, Zac's death - so this isnt an easy time. i'm hoping we can get through it together and that things settle down a little when it has passed. We have a huge cake and a massive bottle of Moet for later on - I hope I can keep the tears at bay, Luke deserves a happy mummy on his birthday.

With reagrd to my Tx - I'm on the verge of calling the whole thing off as I have ben on the phone to the Cromwell Darlington to ask how much seprm the have (the fact that they had sperm was the reason I enquired in the first place) and they havent got any and a backlog is growing. Throw in the severe shortage of blonde blue eyed donors and all the relationship wobbles I think it may be time to throw in the towel. 

Mo - I'm so sorry you are going through the BFN - no af yet hell. Its a nightmare - do you have to call the hospital and go for a blood test at all??

Spangle - I hope that you get some answers from your bloood tests xx

Hi Renata - not sure If I have "chatted" to you yet - but good luck with your tx. You sound very positive - thats how I'm trying to be too - its bloomin hard.  

Did I read that you were all Ill on your skiing holiday Suzy - what a bummer - I hope you are all A OK now - must have been very scary.   Where are you at with your tx now?? As ever - lots and lots of luck xx

Helena - hope the bleeding has stopped - very scary indeed, I had it too, they say that bleeding is really common in a twin pregnancy.    

Hi to Scruftyted, Lynne, CJ, Kate, encore Hun and anyone I have missed. 

Emma xxxxxxxx


----------



## renata

fragile- so sorry it wasn't better news for you. Sending you a big hug        

love Renata


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Mo-oh hunny i am so so sorry   I have no words of comfort as words don't take the pain away but we are all here for you-I am gutted for you, I so hoped this one would work as i know you said before that it could be your last chance. I so hope your DH comes round and you do give it another try. I was adamant we would never try again after my miscarriage, I didn't think I could go through all that raw pain again but I so want to try again, my life just doesn't feel complete   For a long time DH, like your DH, has said no-way, our life has been on hold since 1998 and we haven't the money, we are in debt etc BUT he is coming round, IF and a big IF we ever get the money together we may try our 2 frosties, but that is a very long way off if at all.    Sorry this has turned into an epic, what I'm trying to say give it time, hopefully DH will come round, I know for a time I so disliked DH because he kept saying no-give each other and your DS lots of hugs and take care of yourself- 

Spangle-Thank you so much sweetheart for all your thoughts, I didn't get the e-mail no, b***dy hackers!!!
Well I did go up the hospital yesterday with DH, you are so right in what you said, it wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be, although I did sob my heart out once outside the hospital (same one DS was born in  ) I did have a cuddle of him and he is a sweet thing but I so wish it was me in that hospital as well. I know what you are saying about a little compassion as my sister didn't even give anything a thought but maybe I'm just expecting to much, she didn't even say "how are you" and i haven't seen her for a couple of weeks! My mum didn't even say "are you ok" when we came home  My sister comes home today, I stayed awake all last night thinking about all my baby things in my loft wishing i could use them again. 
I hope in a weird way your blood test's show something if you know what i mean!  Hopefully it will be new year new start!!! Hope you had a good time in Wales, always rain's there!!   Think we are going to get very wet this weekend!!   Thanks for being here for me at this really hard time    

Renata-Sorry hun haven't said a proper "hello and welcome" to you   very bad of me  

Emma-Hi, glad you had a nice time in Majorca, what part did you go to? Sorry to hear things aren't great between you and DP-is it the stress of the shortage of sperm not helping? sorry that sounds very nosey, not meant to be   Wow      to Luke, are you having a party for him? Must be very hard as although you are celebrating his birthday it also reminds you that you should of had his twin here with you   Sending you hugs hun   You knock back that Moet!!!  

Tracey72-Thinking of you lots hun, I'm here if you want to talk.  

Hi to everyone else-We are off camping tomorrow in the rain!! So have a lovely Bank holiday every-one.

love
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## spangle

Hello,

Mo- so sorry hun  

Emma- Glad you had a good holiday, sorry things are difficult for you at the moment with dp and the sadness associated with today.   Happy Birthday Luke  

Scruffyted- have a good break camping- are you going the whole hog ( cooking as well ) or eating out ?  Sending you loads of hugs for being so brave- like you my sister never said a word to me about how it must be hard for me, I cried on the phone to my mum and went with her to see my sister ,  it's not their fault but they don't know what to say and when they do say things they are often wrong if you get what I mean.It's like you say maybe I too am expecting to much.   Remember I am always here for you  

love and hugs to everyone,

love
Spangle


----------



## Bev xxx

HI EVERYONE

SORRY NOT BEEN ON FOR A LONG TIME BUT LAST FEW WEEKS OF BEING PREGNANT I FELT AWFULL.

ANYWAY HAD A BABY GIRL ON THE 27/7/06 SHE WEIGHED 7LB 1 AND WE CALLED HER ELIZABETH.  I WAS TAKEN IN WITH PRE ECLAMSIA AND WENT INTO LABOUR.  IT ONLY LASTED 2HRS!!!!  I HAD NO PAIN RELIEF AS THERE WASN'T TIME.

HOPE EVERYONE IS OK

LOVE 

BEV
XXX


----------



## emma73

Congratulations on the birth of Elizabeth!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emmaxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lynne1

Hi everyone,

Fragile, so sorry to hear about the bfn.  There are no words really for how you must be feeling at the moment.  It is so devastating.  I hope you are coping okay.

Renata, hope you are coping with those nasty DR symptoms.  It is so hard to be positive.  I have tried meditation and that has been helping me quite a lot this go around.  My dregging symptoms have gone now and I just feel like a ballon instead.

Emma.  Sorry to hear all your troubles.  IF is just so tough on relationships. Hang in there.

Bev, congratulations on teh birth of Elizabeth!!!  Hope you are recovering okay.  2 hrs wow!!

Spangle,  good luck with the treatment decision.  I just looked at my credit card bill and thought someone had stolen my number for a moment. Then I realized what it was.

Scruffy, hope you are over the worst with your sister and the break helps.  Enjoy the rain!

CJ, hope you are feeling better as well.

Hello to Encore, Helenab, Kate, Suzy and the rest I have missed.

Well it looks like I will be doing EC on Sunday.  Originally, it was supposed to be Friday, but my follies just aren't big enough.  It seems that 2 yrs down the road I need more medicine and a longer stimming time.  This doesn't seem to be a good sign to me.  I hope the eggs are ok quality.  I have another scan tomorrow, hopefully the follies will be a good size.

Hang in everyone.

Lynne


----------



## encore

Hi everyone, sorry to those who are feeling down at the moment.  mo, sorry for the bfn.

Lynne, i stimmed for 2 extra days this time too.  i ended up getting more eggs than the crop that i had which resulted in dd.  i had my et on a sunday.  i remember thinking at the time thank goodness that the clinic were able to tailor my treatment without regard for weekends etc.  it just means that they are taking extra care to make sure they harvest when the crop is ripe!


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, thanks for all your lovely support, feeling much calmer and my boys have been more than keeping my mind active, little monkeys locked me in my conservatory yesterday afternoon, I totally freaked out when I realized I was locked in because of the boys and because I suffer from claustrophobia. Was stuck in there for 20 mins before DH got home but I'd left the keys in the front door so he couldn't get in either . Out of complete luck Finley finally (after lots of me trying to explain to him to just "pull the latch for mummy") he finally did it and I could slide the doors open.
It must have looked like a comedy sketch as I was trying hard to explain how to open the door to two 22mth olds and they were just banging on the windows and laughing at me like a couple of chimps. 
It was very though scary all joke aside, I know you mustn't think 'what if' but if that had happen in the morning and Finley hadn't undone the latch (it was him who slid it across in the first place, something he's never done before I might add) they could have been in there on the own with nothing to eat or drink, in all the cupboards  doesn't bare thinking about.
I only slid the door across in the first place because the builders had just gone and they left all there bottles of cleaning chemicals on the floor and I wanted to put them out the way without the boys touching them so left them the lounge the other side of the door, simple done.

Hi Mo, so sorry to hear it was negative, sending you loads of cuddles, it's so hard I can totally understand your DH wanting to get your lives back as it does take so much out of you as a couple and a family but it's like a rollercoaster ride that keeps going whether you stop TX or not, either you stay on and it can go on forever or you have to jump while it's still going and you get hurt and that pain will stay with you forever. There is not easy choice as you know, I hope you guys can sort something out. (  sorry just reread that and it sounds all doom and gloom but it is how I know I would feel making that choice, it's so hard)

HI Bev, congratulations on the birth of Elizabeth, I was wondering what was happening with you , so glad it all went well.

Hi Lynne, good luck with the scan tommow, hopefully they will be lots of lovely eggies and they will be a great size. It's stress every step of the way isn't, fingerscrossed it goes well  

Scruffy,  my heart really goes out to you, this is such a hard time, I feel so sad thinking of you standing out side the hoisse sobbing out heart out , it's all so sad when the one thing you would love to have so badly is the one thing you've just had to surround your self with and everyone is talking about, and then you have to put on the happy face so you don't offend 
I was walking round tescos yesterday and I found that every baby in a car seat or pg bump I saw I was looking at the mum and thinking "lucky b*tch" which is awful it's something you can't ever get out of your head though. The situation your dealing with is nothing like me and my sister I know, but still I know how I feel and know that you must be feeling a 100 times worse, so sending you loads of hugs and happy thoughts and a bit of 
Hope you have a lovely time camping and the rain holds off for you Hun.

Hi Spangle, hope you can find the money for another go, (( know it's hard), and that your test show up something (in a good way) sometimes to have something is better than to still not have an explanation , then they can hopfully help you and improve future TX (hope that comes across in the good way it's meant )

Hi Emma, god what a time your having, glad you enjoyed your hols , and I hope Luke had a fab birthday. What a day for you though, must be like being torn in two, needing to be happy mummy for Luke and wanting to enjoy the miracle of his birthday but also needing to have the time to remeber and think of Zac. I looked at your montage recently and I cried buckets, your such a strong person you have been though so much, and Luke is such a sweetie.
You can't know if your coming or going with this sperm shortage prob, as if the whole TX thing isn't hard enough, hope things with your partner improve. Is there any other clinics out there you could try, or could you transfer some from another clinic or abroad? (sorry have know idea how these things work, you Will have thought of all that anyway) 

Hi Hun and Suzy  where are you guys what are you up too? 

Love CJ x


----------



## Hun

Hi all

Still here   Been reading but not posting too much. Sending   to you all.

Sorry to hear your new Mo, its just so hard  

Good luck Lynne for sunday!

Bev - congrats on the birth of Elizabeth!

Love to everyone else, I promise to write a proper catch up soon

Hun xx


----------



## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

CJ, your story made me laugh although I realise it might have turned out worse than it did.  I bet your boys thought it was tremendous fun to have Mummy under their control!

Encore, thanks for the info about the extra stimming.  It made me feel better, but now they have just pushed me back to Monday.  I know they are trying to get the eggs when they are just right, but they said they will be the embies back either Thursay or Friday.  So that would be either 3 or 4 days which seems a bit strange.  I am guessing they can't do it on the Saturday.  So I am now feeling a bit depressed that it might not work and will wonder if it is because the embies went back too soon.  I guess I am just on an emotional rollercoaster will all the hormones.

hello to everyone.

Lynne


----------



## shiabni12

Hi everone

I have been AWOL for a few days as ds has been quite unwell this week with a mixture of teething and a stomach upset!!!!!! 

Mo-so sorry to hear your txt was negative sending you  a big  

CJ-your story about your boys made me smile, but I'm sure lots of "what ifs went through your mind!!! Yes they do ET with US at Salisbury. I see that you said your sister didn't tell you she was pg until 21wks, why do people do that?! When I was going through txt before my best friend didn't tell me she was pg until she was 5mths and then she did it over the phone, I felt like a right leper and stupid for not having realised that she was pg!!! Also my cousin has not spoken to me since becoming pg while I was having txt, she told my Mum that she was so happy she didn't want anything to spoil it!!!!!!! That was nearly 3yrs ago and we haven't spoken since, I have tried writing to her, but she ignores my letters. When she had her daughter christened she invited my parents and brother, but not me and again gave the reason that because I was having IVF, I might ruin the day, by being miserable!!!!!!!!!!

Scruffyted-hope you have a good time camping and thanks for the welcome

Lynne-good luck for EC on Mon, hope everything goes well

Renata-sorry to hear you are suffering with side effects, hope you are feeling better soon

Spangle-hope your blood tests reveal some answers for you

Hi to everyone else, hope you all have a good bank holiday weekend

LOL

Kate


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, 

Lynne sorry your getting messed about with those eggies, I know it's hard but tried not to worry as it sounds like your clinic have a plan and know what there doing, I guess it's just getting our body to follow that plan which is the bit out of their control .
I think embies 3 or 4 days old will be fine, I know mine were frozen but they were 3 days old in all and lots of people have them put back at only 2 days and get PG. 
Was it meant to be a blast transfer then? I hope it all goes as planned from now on and you get 2 really strong little embies on board...not than you can relax even then I know  what we have to go through 

Hi Kate, sorry to hear you have had the same trouble as me, families hey, who'd have them  You hit the nail on the head there, we do get treated like leper (would have used that word myself but can't spell ) It's not as if I don't speak to my sister we talk nearly every week so had plenty of chance to tell me  At least she did it face to face, although that was probably so she could see my reaction (she is a funny one)
It's awful that your cousin has stop speaking to you, how dare she you haven't done any thing wrong  , I wouldn't bother with her hunnie your better off without her in your life...spoil things indeed!! grrrr 
I know IVF is a big thing for us girlie's but we do have bit of life outside of it and can control our self not to burst out crying or wailing at the site of a bump or baby...( although tesco was crammed with bumps today  I think I have an eye for spotting them)

Anyway Glad you two girlie's had a laugh at my story that is definitely one for the wedding day speech ( I know it's not usual for the mother of the groom to make a speech but with the amount of mischief those two get up too I'll have a book by their wedding days )

Bad backache tonight  I hate knowing all the tell tell signs of AF coming I can't even get my hopes up anymore.

Love CJ x


----------



## amanda_hd

Hi all

Getting very stressed about tomorrow's scan    .  Its at 10am tomorrow morning to see if my lining is ok and ready for my remaining embies to be thawed for ET on Wednesday - have managed to convince myself that its not going to be right  .  Forgot how horrible treatment is.

Will let you know how i get on - good luck and dust to everyone

Amanda


----------



## NattKatt

Hi Ladies

May I join you??  Dh and I were lucky to conceive after our 1st ivf/icsi and have a gorgeous daughter Maygan, who is now 1!!

I've suffered from that old yearning again.... you know the one I'm talking about... the huge desire to be a Mummy again!

Starting on the 11th Sept I am having a medicated fet cycle.... only have 2 frosties, and my consultant will only thaw one at a time, and implant one if they're okay... so fingers crossed!

Looking forward to getting to know you all!

~Natt~


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Golly so much has been happening, I've lost my head - will do personals next time.

So far, everything is going well on this cycle. I'm on day 6 of stims - 188u of gonal f - and today started pregnyl injections as well (has anyone used this? My doc said it was because my LH was low last cycle - pregnyl is HCG, it acts like LH). Am having a blood test on Wednesday and scan Friday. 

Ds has been really unwell with viral pneumonia, but is much better now. Poor little thing, he was coughing for hours on end, sometimes enough that he vomited, he had high fevers and was breathing fast.

On Thursday is the first support group in my clinic, so I am looking forward to that. The only reservation is that I hope there are some women there who already have a baby.

And next Wednesday, assuming its not EC day, I am attending an educational evening for my work, run by my clinic, on assisted conception, with my doctor speaking about the topic of "unexplained infertility". (I am a GP). It'll feel a bit weird listening to him talk to a group of doctors, when I am one of those doctors but also his patient. But its at the local golf club and its round the corner from where I live, so I just had to go! (just have to make sure that I dont' drink too much  (just kidding). 

Natt - welcome to the thread and to a fellow Aussie!

Bev - wonderful news about your delivery - thanks for posting and good luck in those first few weeks.

Thats all for now, Hi to everyone,

Love,

Suzy


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## encore

hi nattkatt, i think i remember you from the trimester boards when i was pg!  my daughter turns one in 2 weeks.

suzy, pleased to hear the stimms are going well.  stims are the least painful part of tx for me.  seems you're waiting for af to start to downregg, then its always late.  after ec and et you can do nothing but wait. but at least with stimms you feel like you are doing something.  sorry about your dh.  hope the fever won't affect things??

what do they actually do at your support group?  sounds interesting.

well i'm feeling very tired, but otherwise fine.  no sickness or anything so i guess i got away with that one.  just in the middle of packing everything up for our move back to australia.  god ihate packing.


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## Lynne1

Hello everyone,

Just a quick note as I am feeling a bit battered.  Had EC today and got 12 eggies.  Hopefully we will have a good fertilization rate, will find out tomorrow.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Lynne


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## NattKatt

Hi & Thanks for the welcome!

Suzy - in Sydney huh?!! I moved down to Tassie from Wollongong in December 2003.  Still miss my family and friends tremendously though!  Hope your support group goes well! They have no such thing in Tassie!  I'm very convinced that Tassie is very behind in such things!

Encore - congrats on your 2nd bfp, and twins!!!!  Did you have icsi again, or fet? So where in Australia are you moving back too??  Where were you from originally?  Good luck with the packing!  Think of it as a good time to minimise.... and the unpacking part like christmas! 

Lynne - well done on your eggies!!  That's a good number!!  Fingers crossed for you!

~Natt~


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

New home this way - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=66350.msg883648#msg883648


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