# 4th and final IVF failed :(



## Stelbud (Feb 8, 2011)

Just found out that our fourth IVF has failed. We had two perfect embryos and transfer was like a dream.

This is the end of the biological route for us and I just don't know how to cope. SIL is pregnant through ICSI and my brother and his girlfriend are soon to start trying. How do we cope around them?

I never thought I'd end up here. We want to have some time out before deciding if we want to go down the adoption route but any advice on coping strategies would be gratefully received.

I'm heart broken.

Stelbud xx


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## kittenorcub (Mar 5, 2010)

Dear Stelbud

So sorry to hear about the BFN - it never gets easier, and I totally understand your heartbreak. As for how to cope when others are pg, I have never managed that either - it really seems for those of us on this "side" of the nightmare that the rest of the World gets pg with little/no effort and we seem to have to jump through the most painful of hoops and still no "prize" at the end. I had dinner with a couple we know, and they announced that their granddaughter is pg "accidentally" - I could not help myself and said, _"What? Did she fall on his penis?" _because I get sick  of those who say it "just happened" (though I see your SIL did go through ICSI)....sorry I am going off topic here!

All I can say is that once you have picked yourself up from the thrashing that is another failed tx, try and focus on you and DH, and if you are getting tired of all the "baby" talk do be honest with hose who are supposed to love and care for you and tell them that although of course you are happy for them, blah, blah, blah, you do find it hard to deal with their baby issues, and after all, they wouldn't go on and on about the wondrous meal they have just enjoyed in front of a starving woman would they?

I wish I could be more positive for you - I have had far too many failures and strategies work sometimes but there have been very bleak times for me, and continue to be on an almost daily basis - I am just bracing myself for the soon to be announced "royal baby news" and then we infertiles will be bombarded day and night with bloody  reminders of what we could have had. Bitter much?

Take care Stelbud - look after yourself and DH 

Kittenxxx


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## Stelbud (Feb 8, 2011)

Thank you so much for the support Kitten. I've just seen your journey and it looks like it has been a very difficult one, life is so bl**dy unfair sometimes. 

I admire your strength to keep going and I really really hope your next attempt works.

I know what you mean about the Royal announcement, I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone but can you imagine if one of them did have problems? Actually I guess we'd never know. She was wise when I think she said not long after the wedding that she wanted it to be a year of just her and him. That means if it does take a while she won't be under pressure. Still, I am too dreading the announcement. I feel like a childless freak.

Anyway thank you for your post. It is a shame there are others in this boat but I guess it does help having someone who understands.

I'm fortunate that DH is also very supportive.

Big hugs,
Stelbud xx


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## tilly100 (Jul 12, 2010)

Stelbud     
I wish i had magic words to say to make it better, in fact i wish i had a magic wand to make it happen.
We have just failed our 2nd attempt and DH doe not want to try again so i am trying to begin the process of accepting I won't have children. 
I currently don't see the point in anything and it is only my dogs and the thought that there are others like us out there that keeps me going. Sat here crying my eyes out     feeling so alone because i don't have any friends who don't have children or are not pregnant. They don't know what to say and they don't understand, then i feel guilty for feeling annoyed at them.
I know we will all get through this but right now i just want to be a mummy and  I can;t be and it hurts sooooooooo much
hang in there Stellbud, thinking of you 
Tilly xx


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## Stelbud (Feb 8, 2011)

Oh Tilly   

It's so cr*ppy isn't it? Thank you for finding me and I'm just so sorry you are going through this crap too but hopefully we can help each other through it.

I've just rang the clinic because I was due to go in for a blood test tomorrow but thankfully (after having me sobbing down the phone) they've said I don't need to come in. I'll get a follow up in a few weeks but not even sure I can face that, we'll see.

I can understand your DH saying he doesn't want to continue, mine wanted to stop at attempt 3 but I persuaded him to continue. I still don't regret doing it but we're left with more heartache and are £4k down.

Do you mind me asking what your situation is? Please don't feel you have to answer. My situation is that following a lap and dye they discovered my insides were messed up, particularly on my left side. My womb and bowel are fused together and they couldn't find the top or bottom of my left tube. My right side is a little better and the tube was okay although they've said when the left side is that messed up it is likely that there is damage on the right side too which is just not visible. They've said it's unlikely that I'll ever conceive natural but they have to say 'never say never' because sometimes it happens when they least expect it. DH is still hopeful that we will conceive naturally but I ovulate late (sometimes day 22 or 23) and I have a short luteal phase so I can't really see it happening.

We also have dogs, two of them and I must admit they do make me feel like a family but I worry if I ever lost DH or vice versa then there would be nothing to keep us going whereas if we had our own family we would have to keep going for their sakes. 

I could go on and on but I'll leave it for now. Please keep in touch Tilly (and anyone else) would love to get support and be able to support others who are going through this cr*p.

Stelbud xx


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