# Don't know what to do next...



## nic32 (Oct 25, 2011)

I'm not entirely sure why I'm posting this or what I'm hoping to achieve but I'm just so confused, my head is mush and I just need to get it out of me!

You'll see from my signature that we've had 2 rounds of ICSI already this year, #1 resulted in a missed m/c and #2 a BFN. I feel numb. We definitely need some space to breathe and think things through but I just cant get my head straight to work out how i feel about things. DH has been very open about his desire to go again, he's not pressurising me and knows I'm not on the same page as him at the moment but I'm going to have to face this sooner or later. I feel like I'm avoiding my own thoughts so that I don't have to deal with things but it's actually been nice having a bit of normality back in my life this last few weeks! 

There are so many things knocking round my head - the emotional roller coaster we've been through already and would need to go through again if we went for #3; the physical side of things, I feel like my body's been through so much already - do I really want to put it through all this again!?; the cost; the thought that we could quite easily be in the same position 6 months on and are we just delaying the inevitable...

We've talked about adoption but that brings with it a whole host of other things that would need to be dealt with, not least of which being us facing up to giving up on having our own child. DH really wants us to have 1 last try and who am I to take that away from him but I just know I'm not in the right frame of mind to do this now. I looked up a number for a psychic the other day, I've not done anything with it but I can completely see why I did it. I want someone to tell me what to do, tell me it's going to be ok, or tell me that it's time to move on.... As soon as we miscarried I wanted to go again with round 2... But this time I'm just not so sure, it's like I've got a huge mental barrier.

Urgh... I'm just tired or thinking!

I'm sorry to blah on about me but like I said I needed to get it out. Thanks for listening x


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## BunnieBW (Oct 25, 2012)

Hi Nic,

I really hope you start to feel better soon,  I too have had two failed cycles this year and am currently working through my emotions, its been very tough but I'm getting there with the help of some lovely people on here and some amazing friends and family and of course my DH.  Don't rush yourself to get through this, it takes time and is a hard journey.

sending hugs  
x x x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Hello

I am so sorry about your m/c and BFN.      You have been through a lot this year and it is very hard going physically and mentally.  Based on my own experience, I would suggest taking some time out to recover.  You don't have to make any decisions now, and your age is on your side as well (I was older so there was more pressure, but I still took some time out before deciding what to do next.)  Once you are feeling stronger physically and mentally, you will be better placed to make decisions.  Give yourself permission to have some time off just now  .

All the best with whatever you decide in due course but please don't feel pressurised into making decisions just now.

Ellie


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## Daisy-Chain (Aug 12, 2012)

Hi Nic  

Sorry to hear the situation you are in and for your mc and bfn  

It really is such a hard thing to go through, it takes its toll on you mentally and physically and after each BFN I have had, I just want to give up but then a little while later, I'm eager to get going again.  I think your right, you put a barrier up to protect yourself straight after a fail but slowly this does come back down.

I know this is easier said than done, believe me, but try to focus on having a nice Christmas time and then maybe tell your DH you will talk about the next steps in the new year.  Then you can have some 'you' time, try and enjoy the festivities and hopefully look at it all again when you are refreshed and have moved on properly from your last cycle.

My fourth ICSI cycle has just failed last week so I really need to practice what I preach with the above paragraph   Like I said, it's easier said than done but I'm determined that's what I will do and look at everything again in the new year!

Wishing you the best of luck and hope 2013 is better than 2012 for you


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## fingers_crossed1982 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi Nic,

I'm so sorry about your BFN and all you have been through  

The whole process of tx is so tough emotionally and physically and only you and your DH will know how many times you can go through it. I just wanted to say that you are not alone, we have all had these thoughts at one time or another. Sometimes you just need some time out to feel like a normal person and a normal couple again before you can face doing it all again. Maybe a weekend away or a few nights out over to let your hair down a bit.

All I can say is stay strong and best of luck!

Xxx


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## nic32 (Oct 25, 2011)

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply...it's really nice to know I'm not going through this alone! You're right about focusing on the nice things, and actually timing wise Christmas couldn't be better! Thank you xx


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## missbrightside (Jan 25, 2012)

Hello Nic

I had to reply to your post as I could quite easily have written it myself right now.  We've just had a failed IVF cycle (second this year).  It's tough.  Really tough.

We have always said that we will give this three goes.  I'm all for getting on and starting again asap.  However DP is slightly more hesitant (for all the reasons you mention.  Emotional, physical and finanacial ...)  That said I've managed to pursuade him to go for a consultation at a new clinic (having lost the little faith we had in our last one) so that some fresh eyes can look at our notes.

So grand plan is to get Christmas out of the way - go away for New Year (I hate New Years Eve at the best of times !) - and then see what 2013 brings ..... !

I've always been really confident that we would have a baby at some point.  But now the end of the road seems to be coming closer and closer.  I was up for most of last night dwelling on what we will do if a third cycle doesn't work.  Think a change of career will be on the cards.  At least that will give me something else to focus on ..... !

Anyhow, didn't mean for this post to be as depressing as it turned out !  Just wanted you to know that you are most certainly not alone !!

All the best to you with what you decide.

xxx


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