# Up to 20 weeks (US surrogacy)



## IfOnlyYouKnew (Jan 25, 2011)

Our surrogate Mum is now 20 weeks pregnant.  Overall things are fine although there have been more than a few ups and downs.

I know that I should feel so grateful that we are doing this and I do feel all that - but actually at the moment I'm just worn out by the whole thing.

At present we are having to start telling people what we are doing and I just don't want other people involved.  I'm not ashamed but I just find it tiring trying to explain.

Also, none of the people in my daily life can really relate in any way to what has happened to my husband and over the last six years.

We have one lovely little boy who is alive but we lost five babies in four years - one stillbirth (Laura) and five miscarriages.  And frankly we've had really poor support from family and friends.

And so I'm just worn out now.  I know that really we are so, so lucky and I know that in the longer run it will be OK.  But I've just been fighting all this stuff for too long.

I'm sorry.  I realise that it's not OK for me to say this because there are people out there whose situations are so much worse.

Really the point of the post was to say that I'm happy to give anyone any help I can.  I put some notes down on paper as I've been asked a lot.  Just send me a private message and I'll send those notes on.

Best wishes to everyone who posts on this board.  If it hadn't been for places like this I wouldn't have got through the last six years.

Alice


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## yorkshirebunny (May 10, 2010)

Hi Alice
Sorry to hear you're feeling worn out, but its only to be expected with the rollercoaster of this journey. Guess the great news is that your surromum is 20 weeks! We are about to embark on surrogacy in India, which is a massive step that we havent shared with anyone apart from our parents. I cant imagine what it will be like when we finally have to tell anyone! DH doesnt want to say anything until we are back in the country with a baby. After years of disappointment I feel that my friends must be sick of hearing of my tales and I am certainly fed up with having to always be the one with the terrible story of things not working out. So despite my openness in previous cycles, this time I am not telling any of them and keeping really quiet and evasive. Im really sad that you have not had the support you needed, there is really no excuse. Although I have found it is only ppl who have gone through it before that really get it, and keep you sane. I agree with you about this place! Anyway I hope the next 20 weeks go smoothly for you, would love to hear what responses you have had from the people you have told. Take care and sending


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## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Oh love I can totaly relate to everything you are saying   , I could have written your post this time last year. In fact I still could! It is totally exhausting and as you can see from my thingy at the bottom we have a similar history. BUT when the baby finally arrives it is so very worth it. 

Our surro recently had a negative with our cycle for a sibling and we cant go again as her son has cancer, so the exhaustion and non stop sorting out of problems, worry for the baby and surro, liasing with various clinics/hospitals, emotional/financial support for the surro is very fresh in my mind. It is simply not explainable to other people how exhausting it all is and how incredibly drained you feel. You are soooo not alone! We too feel incredibly grateful and lucky to have our little girl, but surrogacy is not without emotional cost. Try and be kind to yourself, have a holiday if you can and just enjoy being together. Once the little one is here your old life seems like a dream! It does get better I promise   .

Loads of love and if you ever need a chat just PM me xxxxxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Alice- I am surprsed that you are drained by it all, the whole process of just research and the emotions that go with it exhaust me! Having to explain 'why' to people must get wearing as they just won't understand and you have to explain your most personal and private moments that you can't begin to explain to them.

I wish you lots of love and luck and like Apricot has said, may the exhaustion of a different nature soon begin 

l xx


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## LouGhevaert (May 18, 2009)

Hi

Do hang in there - it really will be worth it in the end and there is so much to look forward to.

Do also give some thought to the legal side and make sure you tackle the necessary immigration arrangements ahead of the birth so you can get home safely to the UK with your baby  - you need the right travel papers and need to get to grips with what the law says about citizenship and nationality.

You should also apply to the English court after the birth for a parental order - as law here won't automatically recognisze the US birth certificate or any US parentage order.  You'll need a parental order to reassign legal parenthood to yourselves, obtain parental responsibility and extinguish the legal status of your surrogate (and if married her husband).

Best of luck with it all and I'll keep all my fingers crossed for you.

LouGhevaert


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## IfOnlyYouKnew (Jan 25, 2011)

Thanks so much for all the lovely messages.  It really does help so much.  I'm OK again now.  It comes and goes.  What everyone says is so right - people who haven't been through this just don't understand.  Thanks again.  Those messages helped so much.

Alice


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## Want-a-baby (Apr 23, 2010)

Hi Alice,
Thank you very much for all detailed information you so kindly shared with us. You are such a generous, kindhearted, amazing woman. 
I wish you and your family tons of luck   . 
Everything crossed for you hun...  
FM


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