# How do you stay positive?



## Figster (Jul 31, 2014)

I always see the glass half empty.  I get quite realistic about the chances of things not working which in turn brings me down.  I've always been told not to get my hopes up over anything.... 

However I want to be positive! How do you stay positive?


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## marionm (Jul 20, 2010)

Hi Figster,

After a tough 7 years on this infertility struggle I understand how difficult it is to stay positive! 
I just decided this cycle that I would focus on being positive until I had a reason to be negative,I have had a few wobbles but I just keep thinking it's our time & everything will be ok. Whatever happens I'm just enjoying being in my positive bubble as it is so much better than being sad.  
Be kind to yourself & just take each stage as it comes,you will have good days & bad on this horrible journey...

Lots of luck,

Marion x


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## Figster (Jul 31, 2014)

thanks Marion  x


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

For me I coped by

1 - taking things one stage at a time. You try and get to ec, then hope you get to et, then it's the tww, then the 3ww then to 12w etc

2 - having a plan b. For me I said I would do 3oe cycles. Then I would do 2 de cycles including fets with different donors.Then look at immune testing and double donor.
Having a plan of where to go next helps me cope. Each time I plan a cycle I also roughly look at the cycle after. So I know if it doesn't go well I have another shot

3 - I let myself feel sorry for myself sometimes, accept it is normal and healthy, but don't wallow. It isn't fair that we have to go through all this when women get pregnant on a one night stand. It isn't fair that we have health issues,  pain etc , and it affects our lives all over. So sometimes I let myself cry.

4 - take pleasure in little things. The sunshine through the leaves. The smell of spring or autumn. That delicious chocolate . 

5 - don't put to much pressure on yourself. It is ok to avoid those christenings and baby showers when you're feeling fragile. 

6 - talk to your other half but don't expect him to understand. Get your support network elsewhere ( my experience.  I know others have different experiences )

7 - when you get to transfer try and enjoy it. It is very difficult esp when you have had a previous miscarriage to not stress. But in the 2ww you are pupo - pregnant until proven otherwise. So enjoy being pregnant. Talk to your embies , sing them songs.

8 - invest in a good relaxation cd. I used the ivf companion ones but there are lots around. 

9 - I found acupuncture really helped as much as someone knowledgeable and supportive to talk to as for the acupuncture

10 - let yourself have the occasional non fertility treat. You find yourself saving every penny for ivf. But set aside a little money for that new book, a new item of makeup, trip to cinema, meal out with mates.

11 - take control of your treatment. Learn from your response. Noone knows your body as well as you do. And remember on average it takes 3 fresh cycles including all fet to get a positive.  When you get a negative grieve for what might have been , the baby you lost ( neg cycle ivf almost early m/c as embies were there ). Learn from it. What can they or you do differently next time. And speak to your consultant. Don't let them tell you " this is what we are doing". As why. IF is very disempowering. Take back as much control as you can.

Those have been the things that helped me through.


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## [email protected]@h (Dec 11, 2012)

I am a negative pessimistic person. I thought this was good as if only expect crappy thing you can't ever be surprised, see what I mean. After my first ivf this thought process definitely helped me cope as I jusst 'knew' it wouldn't work. For my second ivf I read/skipped through a book called 'The Secret'. Its very famous and based on the principles of the laws of attraction. So if you sit and visualise being pregnant, putting a baby in a crib etc the Universe will bring you it. You attract what you are asking for. 

I did it and it did help me relax. It isn't hard and only takes minutes a day. I am now 16 weeks pregnant.  I don't know if it helped but who cares! I'm pregnant. Give anything a go!


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## Figster (Jul 31, 2014)

Thanks girls, appreciate your replies. Unfortunately we only have one shot at this. I know I might be kidding myself but we cant afford to do this more than once.  I really need to stay positive!


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## [email protected]@h (Dec 11, 2012)

Why do u only get one go? 

If I was you I would make sure I got an endometrial scratch (I swear this helped me get pg), and I would ask for scanning when on stims to begin before day 6. The first cycle is often a trial and error for dosage. My first cycle I wasn't started on a high enough dose when they realised on day 6(my first scan) they increased it but it was too late for the follies to catch up for egg collection. If you have your first scan say day 4 there is time to amend this. If they say no, say this is your only shot and 'guesses' as to dosage might be the decider between bfn and bfp. 

Also get your self on a decent supplement regime. CoQ10, omega oils and a prental for you and a prenatal, omegas, coQ10 and additional vitamin C and E for partner 

A change is dosage and the supplements made a massive sifference to my outcomes:

1st cycle
6 eggs
3 fert
1 3dt bfp but miscarriage
0 frozen

2nd cycl
10 eggs
8 fert
1 5dt bfp
4 frozen D day blasts! 

Good luck!


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## Figster (Jul 31, 2014)

coz we are going private. That's why we have only one go...

popping tablets for years, and H too.....

thanks.


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## Londonkitty (Feb 26, 2014)

Another one advising the hypnosis cd. It totally helped me stay focused on the here and now in my first cycle. I couldn't listen to the same cd this most recent cycle but found a different one in spotify that did the same job. Good luck. I only had two eggs produced this time and it seems to have worked so there is always hope xx


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