# Help, keep changing our minds! 1 or 2?



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Just wondered if all you lovely people out there could offer some words of wisdom!

We have AP very soon and SW has asked if she should put us down for 1 or 2 children.  She thinks we could do it (although have a 2 bed house)  We definitely see ourselves with more than 1 child eventually but want to know if 2 at once would be better than 1 at a time?  My reasoning is that 2 at once will only ever know being one of two and not have had our attention for x amount of time before second sibling arrives then having to share us.  

The lazy side of us thinks getting 2 at once will be a good idea as we wont have to go through process again - unless we want no 3  

I understand that it is going to be so hard and challenging taking on 2 at once, but wouldn't we face similar challenges when 2nd came later?

Obviously theres the cost of double of everything and moving is something we have always thought of (once lo is settled)  

I suppose I'm just looking for advice from those of you who have taken 2 at once and who have 2 but brought them home individually

We have left it with social worker that she says 1 or 2 so hope this is ok with panel

Hubby and I are going out of our minds and every day change our decision  

Thanks for reading & hope everyone is progressing well!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

Not quite an answer to your question, but we were approved for up to 3 children of any age and we had planned to have 2, but we were presented with a singly that was too good to miss and we are now glad we went for one as he was a real struggle at the beginning and I don't think we would have coped with 2.  So, we didn't narrow our choices I think is what I'm trying to say, saying 'up to 2' doesn't preclude you from falling for a 1.  Other people we know were planning on 1 but were approved for up to 2 at AP and now have a sibling pair just because they saw the profile and it felt right.

Good luck whatever you decide to do xxx


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We originally we wanted 2 children aged 0-4 and got talked into just 1 child and oh my word just one is hard enough in my opinion! At least the 2nd time approval is quicker and you have a huge amount of first hand experience to draw on.

I generally agree with everyone else -no harm in getting approved for 2 and deciding on a singleton when it comes to it.


----------



## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Sorry to be brief but in my opinion 1. Two is sooooooooo hard. And I havent heard of anyone saying anything different. We R six weeks in and I love my kids but I would never ever recommend two unless you are superwoman and superman! No I dont want to change it but its seriously hard. And stick to as young as poss. 
Gud luck x x


----------



## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi,

We were the same as you! So we got approved for up to two.

We weren't sure even wen we recieved profiles UNTIL we recieved our childrens profile, at the time 4mths and 18mths.....pink and blue. We knew they were right for us and they have been home nearly 7 months.

We were very lucky in that our children are very 'easy', we have had no 'real' difficulties, sw's say this has been the easiest placement they have ever done in that it is so right and has all been so smooth.

HOWEVER.....it is hard in the early days trying to juggle two children, and I struggled a little in the sense of I felt I had lost all of the old me....BUT this would have been the same with 1 or 2 I think. 

As time has gone on we are all very settled, I can now juggle two kids and I am pleased we went for two. The bond between my two is so so strong, they keep each occupied....and now I have learnt that it is ok for me to leave them to it whilst I have a coffee and read a book! 

I was always and still am very conscious that neither if them had 1:1 time with me or dh so we make this happen now, DS has swimming lessons and it's our thing to do together, dh has a couple if hours with dd. both children go to a childminder (WHICH they love) 0.5 day a week (seperately) and we have 1:1 time....which is so important for us as a family and for the children.

Adopting my children together worked well for us, I couldn't imagine only having one now lol. Regardless of the exhaustian we sometimes face, the cost, the massive amount of washing and ironing, the toys everywhere, the tantrums! Bring on no.3.

Good luck with whatever you decided, my advice would be to keep your options open until you find our child/children.


----------



## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

I would say go for approval for 1-2 children, that way you can look at profiles for both.


----------



## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

I'd echo mummy Auntie Katie, we were approved for up to 3 but we were also offered a singleton that matched exactly what we were looking for and our intros start next week 😃. Speak to your SW, but I think it's easier to get approved for more and then have less but if you only get approved for 1 but then see the perfect 2 I think you have to have a quick approval panel again before you can go to matching panel. Good luck with whatever you decide xx


----------



## TillyF (Oct 27, 2013)

It so good to hear others were undecided on this too. We are starting the adoption process and have a birth daughter. I'm not sure whether to go for one or two adopted children - would 3 be too much to deal with or more fun?!


----------



## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Two children under two would be easier because they will have no memory of events etc but older children it is hard going....and I am not sure the word fun comes into daily life really.....of course there is fun but the difficulties out weigh the fun. I always thought people were being dramatic when they said things like that but trust me this is no easy thing. Rewarding and amazing but it is the hardest thing I have ever done and I havent always walked an easy path. 
Good luck to you all. The positives increase daily but slowly x x


----------



## NancyS (Oct 16, 2013)

I remember reading that one child is difficult, twins are often very very difficult - and triplets is more than very very difficult and is frequently the cause of significant psychopathology.  With the extra difficulties that can potentially come with an adopted child, I was certain that I only wanted 1 at a time.  

I was also concerned about meeting the needs of two very different children at the same time - likely with very different and even conflicting needs.  Adopting one has been hard work - but it has also been manageable and at times has been quite a lot of fun.  We're in quite a large 2-bed maisonette and it's already a nightmare of plastic and I'm now desperate for more space - an extra child in that space would be difficult.


----------



## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

We were approved for two, but fell in love with our little boy so just went for one. I must say I am glad we did just go for one as he is hard work on his own and if we had gone for two I think we would have struggled. There is no stopping us going for another one when our little boy is older. (We have had the chance to take on his cousin but felt it was to soon as he has only been with us 3 months). 
If you say two but decided late one may be better there is no stopping you expanding your family at a later date. Good luck with whatever you decide


----------



## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

We started off the process wanting two...our SW then talked us down to one, as young as possible. We wanted a boy. But then we saw our daughter's profile and that was that! At the time she was placed her full sibling (a boy) was born. She was 11 months old so a very small age gap between her and our son. We went back to panel to be approved for a second child three months later.

So basically we went from 0-2 in five months, and have a 17 month old and a 6 month old.

It has been very hard, and we are fortunate in having two who are in adoption terms straight forward. The SWs have loved having such an easy placement. But it's still been exhausting and hard to get to grips with.  Because we had to do contact all over again with our son, this time with our daughter in tow, it's been emotionally stressful for her and with a constant flurry of SWs in and out she's been very unsettled by it. In that respect it would have been easier to have taken them both at the same time, but not possible as the court proceedings still had to happen and concurrency / fostering was decided against. We were very glad to have had that time with our daughter first as we all needed it, I think she would have been almost overlooked a bit if they'd arrived together as I'd have been so frantically busy with a newborn. I've got my hands incredibly full as it is, as 6 months is still incredibly young and he arrived at 5 months.

I wouldn't change it though and would never have been content with just one child for long. Having two seems right for us, and as I'm from a large family, I wanted them to enjoy that special sibling relationship. They're really close already (it's been a month since our son came home) and I love watching them interact. Yesterday I sneakily watched from behind a door whilst I was cooking dinner and watched them giggling and her kissing him, it was heartmelting! 

My sister took two at once (2 year old and 4 month old) and it was very, very hard to start but honestly it gets loads easier. It's hell to begin with be it one child or two...it just is. Once you know the kids, have a routine and feel like 'mummy and daddy' life starts it get simpler! 

X


----------



## Doubleprincesstrouble (Jan 28, 2013)

Hiya,
We were approved for 2-3 children 0-7yrs and had our two LO's for a year. 
I'm glad we went for two not one. It's hard to explain why, something to do with the dynamic of our family. 
But am I glad we didn't have 3!!!!!!

I know I couldn't have done it on my own. We shared the load equally between the two of us and we were very lucky that we could both have 9months off with them (we used savings which were originally for IVF).

Of course there are single adopters out there who adopt two but I know I couldn't do it.


----------

