# IT'S BEEN A WHILE



## xlaurax (Jun 9, 2004)

Hi, my name is Laura.
It's been a while since i have posted on this site and i felt the need to post again, i feel that i have no-one else to talk to.
Here's the low-down: DP is diabetic, 27 yrs old. We have a beautiful daughter aged 3 who we conceived within 6 months of trying. For about 2 years now he has problems with getting and maintaining erections and ejaculation (there is none) (sorry if TMI). He has had several appointments with GP who does not seem that interested so he referred us to Urologist (after practically being held at gunpoint!). My partner has tried 2 types of viagra to help with erections, neither of which worked very well. The urologist didn't say much about our future as far as having more children goes. He suggested that my partner be circumcised! I don't understand how this would help. Well the appointment for this operation came and went (DP could not attend). I have since looked into Chinese medicine and DP has been taking these pills for approx 2 weeks now with no effect yet. My DP has given up hope completely, he says it is time for us to accept that we will never have children again. I seriously think this is too early, im sure there are routes we could go down but he doesnt seem interested. I can sort of understand that his pride is hurt, he doesnt feel man enough. I just can't help all these maternal instincts and deperatley want another child, i really feel that no-one understands me, my best friend in florida is pg with her second child now and couldnt even tell me about it herself! I can understand though.
There is so much else i want to say, but this post is way too long already.
I hope to hear from someone.
Laura x


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## Mrs Chaos (Feb 12, 2004)

Hi Laura
I just wanted to send you a ((((((HUG))))) and let you know you're not alone.
I think I'd go and seek a 2nd opinion and take it from there.
I can imagine your dp's feelings too, and think maybe he needs to talk to someone more understanding about it, than the gp, and get as much info as he can.
He's bound to feel the way he does. It isn't just a case of the "male ego" not coping with or accepting problems it is normal for both sexes to react in this way.
All of this IF cr*p is so hard to deal with, we all cope in different ways. The one thing, as a couple, we have to "try" to do is to keep talking, keep shouting, keep crying..... together.
We found that our IF sort of disconnected us, without us even realising, and we were shocked and stunned as we always felt our marriage was as solid as anything.
My dh was totally against any kind of intervention initially and it took him almost 6 months to go for a s/a. (he has a dd from his ex-wife, I have a ds from my ex) 
IF scared the hell out of me, none of us expect to have to go through this do we?
Erectile problems can now be dealt with more sympathetically than before, and there are many treatments around, though not all cases can be successfully treated I'd try and get your dp to go and speak to someone.
I hope you can talk to your dp and get him to consider seeing someone again. I would assume they have counselling too for these kind of problems, as erection problems can be due to many things, psychological or medical etc.
I understand your maternal feelings and they are especially hard to explain to those who've not suffered 2ndry IF, but they are normal for us all who have.
I hope you manage to sort things out hun, I'll pop in to see how you're doing.
Take care 
Love
Gaynor
XX


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