# Does the laws of attraction work?



## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Hi,

I was just wondering what you were all thinking about positive/negative thoughts impacting our lives. A fellow FF put in touch with Laws of attraction and over the last week I have done some investigating. It sound ludicrous but I am wondering if there is some truth behind it?

- The IVF consultant we saw at the ARGC said that diet and mindset made a huge difference to IVF results and fertility.

- This is true: 
I have had some unique bad luck / strange life events over the last 6 years.
A. Just before incident A, I prayed (I'm not even religious) for a situation to end. A week later it did end, but in such a spectacular that I way I ended up in the national press and with a diagnosis of PTSD and severe depression (caused by the incident).  
B. Incident B happened exactly 2 years after incident A. Again, I prayed that the situation I was in would end. It did end in another uniquely traumatic/unusual way that was at risk of tabloid interest. I ended up depressed again. B wouldn't have happened if incident A had not happened.
C. Infertility. Not unique, many of us are suffering. None of us should suffer. I firmly believe, and so does DH, that the huge stress I have experienced has caused my immune issues. Whilst TTC, I have had so much mud slung at me by people who are supposed to care and want me to be happy, that I don't understand, or comprehend their timing (exactly 2 years after Incident B and again, they would have had nothing to really hurt me with if A&B didn't occur). I've cut myself off temporarily and only see positive people.

I have to admit for about 11-12 years I have been a victim. I have wallowed in being a victim. Woe is me. I'll never have a baby (panicking about it from about age 22). Only bad things happen to me. Everyone hates me... blah, blah, yawn. Drifting through life. My thoughts have been predominately negative -  jealous of royal family members who are pregnant, hate everyone for getting on with their life. I'm being so mean.

Reading this laws of attraction stuff, I may have been creating a negative life for myself. When I think of positive people, even people older than me, they never doubted their fertility and got pregnant straight away. They never doubt their abilities and succeed in the majority of things they do. Yes, they have a few down moments of something going wrong, but they get back up again and don't dwell. When I went to uni I was much more positive. I remember getting ready to go out one night and I thought/felt: 'I'm going to meet someone special tonight,' and I did and we were together 5 years. This meeting someone, it wasn't just a thought about meeting someone, I believed/felt/knew I would meet someone. Plus when I do read about BFPs, I do occasionally see someone say, 'I knew that I would be pregnant.'

So I am thinking, should I only be looking for positive fertility stories? Only filling my heart with love and possibility instead of hate and resentment? Even if the outcome is the same, I guess the journey will be easier.  I do mindfulness and so I am aware of my thought pattern.  

Can our thoughts and feelings influence our lives so dramatically? Interested in any of your opinions. At the moment, I am taking no risks and trying to believe, feel and think that I will have a child. That every month a child is waiting for me and at some point one of them will arrive.

deedee xx


----------



## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

It's this DVD, that has set me off:






I've only watched the 20minute slot, plus other videos on 'laws of attraction and pregnancy/fertility'.


----------



## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi DeeDee,

I bought a/the book on the laws of attraction and I have to say that I didn't like it very much. I'm not sure I really believe in the whole mantra that is you will it enough, it will happen. While positive thinking is really important and ultimately a more pleasant way to live, i found the L.O.A approach a little to pressurised. If it didn't happen, well, that would be because I simply didn't will it or want it enough. HUH?!

I've decided to put my efforts into something a little bit more reliable and important. Me. 

Yes, I will it..... Yes, I want it (another baby). Yes, I deserve it. But if it doesn't happen, it;s OK. 

What IF has brought me is greater learning about myself as a person. It's brought all my bozo on the bus crap out into the open. I've done the biggest spring clean of my life: there won;t be any blind spots when I'm done! I have asked and am asking myself the following questions: Am I loveable? How was I treated as  a child? What was the early messages I was given about myself? What kind of home was I brought up in? Why do I always expect the worst to happen? What was I afraid of? What am I afraid of? Why am I so hard on myself? Do I think everyone else is perfect? Will everything be OK?

I will get to a place, by answering these questions, where I feel good about me and my life and those in it, and I don;t NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED a pregnancy to feel good about me. 

Of course, being 1000% positive and hoping for a positive outcome to IF treatment is important, but so is addressing the demons that bring out the anxiety, depression etc. Don;t put all your faith and energy in the L.O.A stuff, be positive sure, but exploring the above stuff can also bring immeasureable peace of mind which will ultimately help you no matter what happens.

Wishing you peace,

R xxx


----------



## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Personally I'm not a fan of this. I don't think our attitude causes things, and I don't think stress causes infertility, and i don't think that willing things to happen makes the slightest bit of difference to the outcome. 

Our niece had leukaemia twice before her 4th birthday, and sadly she didn't win her battle. She was so positive and upbeat and just expected to get better, and thought everyone had to spend time in hospital and have operations and drips. To her it was the norm. She used to dance and sing and run around the wards cheering up the other children until she couldnt walk anymore. Because of her wonderful attitude everyone coped with her death in a remarkable way. Everyone was devastated but we will always carry her in our hearts and when we are having bad days just have a little bit of her in our hearts.

I'm not telling that story to make anyone sad - im just saying that the positive attitude and "willing" doesn't even have to affect the outcome, but it certainly will affect the way people cope with the hard stuff and appreciate the good stuff. 

Children are born to women in the Gaza strip, and Syria, and loads of awful scary places. Stress and horrific circumstances don't make those women suffer with infertility, but infertility can affect anyone at any time.

It's ok to be miserable, and angry and negative, but please don't beat yourself and blame circumstances on your own attitude. I know its hard, but try not to blame past problems for current problems because resentment of yourself is probably more hurtful emotionally than any other negative feeling      

I hope that's ok and makes sense and you aren't offended by what I have said xxxxx


----------



## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Thanks for both your responses. I really appreciate your realistic opinions.

Cloudy - I am so very sorry about your niece. It so sad for her and you family.    I agree with the whole Syria thing. I can't get my head round children being born into war zones... I do think stress has an impact though, but there are never enough studies to prove one way or another. We don't know how many people are trying to conceive in Syria who are unsuccessful. I think it is perhaps down to sleep quality and diet quality. 

Rubster - I'm on the same journey as you. I had years of therapy, but infertility has really highlights gaps I hadn't dealt with. No amount of therapy will get me to deal with these issues - I know what they are, I have to find a way to resolve them. I have found that therapy too easily puts me into a box that should be dealt with X way. It has helped tremendously to highlight the issues, but I am the only one who can resolve the demons in a way that works for me. This year has been eye opening. So far I have been diagnosed with a condition that made depression worse and my thinking slow (Hashimotos), I realised I was dyslexic and every test I took confirmed this thinking (going for a formal diagnosis when we have money), and most recently a bladder issue I have had for years may be resolved by a course of antibiotics.  

Yesterday I downloaded a non-fertility affirmations track. It has helped me feel alive again! Just saying things like, 'Today is a new day. I will never get to live today again so I will make the most of each and every minute.' I've listened to it again this morning and fertility issues aren't bothering me so much.    

Life is precious. I feel like I have wasted the last two years wrapped in obsessed fertility issues. I guess it is just a process we go through. I said to DH last night, 'If I can't have a child, I don't want us to have this sedate save life. I want to do something amazing. Something that means something. Help someone, rather than go back to an office job I hate.' He agreed with me. Then I thought, why I can't I do that now? Why does a child have to dictate what I make out of life? So I am going to turn my focus on to finding something else to get passionate about. 


Thank you for your perspectives. xxx


----------



## Guest (Nov 6, 2014)

Hi Deedee, I think anything that helps you and makes you feel good about yourself is worth doing. When I remember to use it, I like the law of attraction. I've had people use the LOA against me as well in the past, in a blaming way, which is really not helpful! It is really sad when bad things happen to innocent or apparently good people. If everyone was more kind, caring and loving towards themselves and each other, life would be more peaceful, better and happier! I think the replies here are really thoughtful and interesting. All the best xxx


----------



## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Thanks Merlin. I'm just going to listen to positive things every day and hope that lifts me. I am much better than I was. Being positive can only be a benefit as I will be more friendly and approachable. When depressed, I am the opposite! And I agree, what a nicer place it would be if we were kinder.  

So sending the biggest amount of love and hugs to who ever is ready with.  
Plus some baby dust to you all.    

xxxx


----------



## Guest (Nov 6, 2014)

Me too Deedee!   Sounds a great idea. Yes baby dust to us all   xx


----------

