# Feeling alone



## pinkcampion (Aug 22, 2006)

Hi there
I feel so gutted tonight. My very last 'friend-with-only-one-child' finally let me know earlier that she is pregnant. She said she had been holding off telling me hoping that my last IVF would be a success............
I just feel so alone - she was my last hope, my one bit of 'normality' to hold onto, and now that has gone too. She didn't even really want another baby last time i spoke to her.
Can anyone help me to feel like I am not the only one in the world feeling like this please?
Love Jane x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi jane

just wanted to send you a big  and say we all know how it feels when we hear something that knocks us like that.

Im sure the lovely ladies on this thread will reply to you also

love
suzie xx


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## pinkcampion (Aug 22, 2006)

Thanks Suzie
I'm beginning to feel like this site is actually going to be my 'norm' for a while - thank God I have found it.
Jane x


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel, I recently heard in the space of two days time that 4 people I know were pregnant, some with their second, and it really knocked me back.

I'm starting to come to terms with it all now, but I had a really bad couple of weeks.

You are not on your own!


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## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

Hello Jane,  

 for you first and foremost.

Let me reassure you darlin that you're not the only to feel like that. I had the same problem when my sis in law got pg last year, and an alcoholic, heavy smoking drug addict who got pg who lives in the village where I live. My sis in law is not a lover of babies/children.

This site is an absolute godsend.

Just give a shout if you need someone to talk to.

Love

Vicki x


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## pinkcampion (Aug 22, 2006)

Thanks Vicki
I didn't tell you that my sister is pregant too! AAARRRGGGHHHHHHH! So glad I have found this site - it really does help to make me feel not quite so alone. 
Just wanted to say good luck for the start of your down regging next week - hope it goes well for you
Love janex


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## Mrs Chaos (Feb 12, 2004)

Jane
I think it's safe to say we've all felt like this, and had moments like this 
I've had friends in the past announce they're pg, with the second..third..etc and it hits you hard doesn't it.
All of the girls in here are always ready to offer a shoulder...and ear to bend   all you have to do is shout  
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi Jane,

basically ditto exactly what Gayn said.  We're all here for you xxxx


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## KittyJ (Jun 26, 2006)

I'm having a moment like that today. Seems to affect everything you think about.
Keep positive! We're all in it together!

Seeing consultant at hospital for first time this month (been ttc for 14 mths). Any idea what to expect you pros out there?

x


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## tomsmummy (Jun 8, 2005)

Just wanted to send a big hug cos although things have worked out for us I can still feel the pain of being the only one with one child and friends blurting out their news in the most insensitive ways. I have been hysterical at my sons pre school more than once. I can only say stay positive as miracles do happen and we are finding we are able to enjoy the second all the more for the larger age gap. Good luck with everything x


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## mac4 (Aug 12, 2006)

i know how u feel hun.  My friend just announced that her and her hubby are going to try for baby number three  i am really happy for them, but with me and my hubby going through the infertility stages, its annoying and upsetting.


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## royall (Oct 18, 2004)

know how you feel, the last of my friends going through treatment has just found out she's having twins- fab fab fab for her but i feel left behind, i know its selfish so i then feel guilty for feeling like it. Oh how the mind twists & turns......
take care xxxx


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi jane 
ive just been reading ur profile and the repyies u have received from the other ladies
i hear ur screams and feel ur pain 
life just feels so unfair 
since i have been along the ugly road ov IF it seams that everyone who i am close to has had babies other than me 
only this morning my DP'Sniece has had twin boys i am really close to her and carnt wait to spoil the boys 
since losing by babies this is the 1st time that i feel excited about seing newborn babies without feeling it should ov been me and normally i feel sick to my stomach and have to force myself and put on a show hopeing others dont see through me 

well due to me working i wont b able to go to the  hospital sat afternoon so i will just have to wait and see how i feel wen i get there 

we all need to keep each other sane
take care steph


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## ♥emmyloupink♥ (Mar 21, 2005)

hi everyone i know how you feel its a horrible feeling to forse a smile every time you hear someones planning a baby or is preg i have a son who is 8 and if one more person says at least you have one ill scream!! this looks like a lovely normal friendly site so ill be checkin in more often,love to you all hugsxxxx


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

OOh that good old 'at least you have one' line.  Gets me every time.  I'm a midwife, and was looking after someone who had a daughter the same age as mine, and just had a baby boy the day before, she said it to me.  I thought, don't sit there holding your newborn second child in your arms and say that, you obviously have no idea what its like!!!!


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi jane, not sure if you are around as the post of yours i just read was old but i totally understand how you feel. i am the same age as you and the feeling of total isolation is at times almost unbearable. my best friend (same age) is not nearly 20 wks pg and has put a strain on our relationship but she knows how i feel as it took her ages to get pg successfully, she got pg extremely quickly but kept losing them, a different type of pain to me as i just do not get pg despite getting pg twice immediately when i was 37. you are not alone here. all the best. jox


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear jane
Same as Kelway really, just realised how old your post was and do hope things better for you now.
The pain of IF is terrible but at least we have this site to keep us sane.
take care and good luck 
susie


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## pinkcampion (Aug 22, 2006)

Hi Susie and Jo 
It was lovely to get your messages of support and to get your PM too Suzie.
Things are still hard - I can't deny it and there is not a day goes by when I don't ache for the baby I lost - I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy. The pain is just so hard. Thank God for FF.
But we must live our lives forward and having more treatment is the only way for me.
Currently on day 5 of 2WW but as with the last 2WW in Nov I just can't seem to get too excited about it all anymore. Self preservation is the key here. I have to protect myself.
We are all in our forties and time is running out - I am just starting to look at DE's at CERAM - infact I emailed them last night. I just want a baby - not sure anymore if I care if it is genetically linked to me or not!
Susie, your post on here arrived on the same day that my pregnant best friend (who prompted the initial post) gave birth to her beautiful daughter. Divine intervention.
Lets keep in touch
We can help each other
Love jane xx


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi jane, best of luck in your 2ww. i too am in a 2ww but do not feel pg at all having taken my second cycle of clomid, will try two more cycles. about to do the school run and take mert to nursery which really stressed me out as i HATE IT with a passion as all the other women are alot young and so many are heavily pg, i just feel so envious, it is almost at times unbearable but what can you do! best of luck, keep up posted. jox


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## pinkcampion (Aug 22, 2006)

Hi Jo
OMG I know EXACTLY what you mean about the school/nursery run. I feel like I am running the gauntlet every time - and it is so depressing. There is ALWAYS someone who is pregnant. Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhhh! 
Plays with my mind so much....... sometimes I even drop Laura off 'Breakfast Club' at 8am and go into work earlier just so I don't have to see all the pregnant women, babies and toddlers. To add insult to injury I have looked permanently about five months gone for the last year as a result of  IVF hormones, weight gain, comfort eating, losing my precious angel last summer etc etc. You are right at times it is UNBEARABLE and do you know what, its something thats hard to talk about on my local thread as a lot of the girls are not even blessed with one child and i know how lucky I am to have my girl, but as we all know it doesn't make the longing any easier.
Where are you in your 2WW?
Take care
Love Jane x


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi jane, i am on cd19 but i do not feel at all pg - i have been pg twice (had mc at 9wks before i had mert) and in both instances i felt pg literally immediately, just after ov - i had twings and dings from inside and i just knew so i assume if i were ever blessed again i would know and right now i feel nothing, just bloated and vaguely pre period crampy, i get this every month. i wish i had friends nearby who also had one child - everyone where i live (very suburban) has two or more. and where i do a vintage market on sunday in a very 'professional'/trendy area of london, it is FULL of pg women or carrying newborns in papuse thingys and they are all 40+ so it kills me, i have to sit there watching it all day and yes, some might have had the help of ivf, but ivf or not, it is very hard to watch. i am not going down the ivf path for two reasons - one financial and two, cannot face all the month of injections etc (a close friend has had a few ivf so i am familiar with how hard it can be so i admire you!) - i may have a pop at iui at the bargain price of around £600 but it does not inject sperm into eggs, just puts sperm directly into the womb at the supposed right time so not feeling very confident really but it is all i am willing to do, that and acupuncture which i hate but will continue to have it. 
xxx


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

jane, i forgot to add, we are so lucky to have a child that is why it is really good to have a secondary infertility sight as i remember when i had a mc when trying for my first, i used to be irritated by the other women moaning that already had a child. our pain cannot possibly be as bad as theirs. my best friend is pg again despite trying for a long time, she had so many mc's but the rate at which she got pg for her age (same as us) was unbelievable, around once every three months, i knew it was just a matter of time until she got pg again - and as expected, it has put a real strain on our relationship as she would call me near enough on a daily basis crying about the pain of not being able to get pg again, how hard it was walking around waitrose seeing pg women etc etc but now, she is like the 'enemy' as i cannot talk to her about my pain as if i say the pain of seeing an older women pg i am describing her arn't i! we became closer than ever but now it is so hard. i am pleased for her but she wants to see me alot and even though i will see her, it will be so hard watching her tummy grow, kill me actually, so long to be in her shoes. i told her that i would rather have the odd mc if it meant that or nothing as i long to feel the joy of being pg, even if it was for just two weeks. isn't that the most pathetic, tragic thing to say and mean and i have had a mc so i know the pain associated with it. lots of love joxx


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