# how do you answer that question : 'when are you having more kids then'



## Keira (May 18, 2005)

Hi Ladies

'SOOOOOO WHEN ARE YOU HAVING MORE KIDS THEN' 

that horrid question, does anyone have a good response to it. If I had a £1 for each time I am asked that question I would be very rich. I do not and would not ask anyone that question because you never know someones situation. As we all know Mother Nature can be a wee bit difficult at times !!!!!!!

I have thought of a few answers I would like to say:

1/ f**k off and mind your own business (maybe a bit rude)
2/ we have fertility problems (that would make them feel rotten)
3/ we are actively trying at the moment so are  every night

what I normally say is:

1/ one child is enough (they respond with 'an only child is a lonely child' 
2/ maybe when this one goes to school(even although I have been trying since he was one)

I feel so bad when asked that question and would love to shut them up with a good response. How do you all answer ?

Kx


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## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hi Keira,

I'm just honest and reply that it took me 4 years to conceive my DD so maybe I'll be lucky when she is 4.  People tend to shut up then  

Shelley x


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## SueL (Mar 22, 2002)

So when are you having more children.............

When we're ready
When we fall pregnant
When nature decides
What gives you the right to ask that!
Not sure

Sometimes less is more in what you say keep it simple and then it leaves them stumped and looking silly.

Good luck.

Love Sue
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Hun (Jul 14, 2003)

I always answer along the lines of Mishs approach...

Maybe never. H took four years to come along.

That always shuts people up and they hopefully feel bad for being insensitive.

Hun xx


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## Crommers (Aug 26, 2004)

Im with Mish and Hun - when I've got a spare £3K to pay for more fertility treatment ususally sends them packing!

Marie 
xxx


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## scruffyted (Jul 28, 2005)

I always answer tomorrow if we could, took us 4 years of heartache to get our DS so who knows if ever....  

I always get the-An only child is a lonely child     

The worst time was a complete stranger in a supermarket asking me! 

love
Scruffy xx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello all

I don't really belong here, but have a really good friend in this position ... and another who is pregnant for the second time after 7 years of trying and of course everyone wonders 'why she has left such a long gap' as if she wanted to for some bizarre reason!

I'm starting out on ICSI for the first time and my mum has already told me that 'she hopes I have twins because then I  won't want to try for another one will I' which is frankly rude from someone with 3 childeren who complains that they couldn't have a fourth even if she is your mother!

However, my stock reply is that 'babies don't just come when you whistle' ... which without going into any details makes people think again.  It makes me mad that everyone just assumes that a family is something you plan, and when and how many childeren you have is some kind of 'life style choice'!

JoannaX


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## bluesky510 (Jan 18, 2005)

I just say "William is an IVF baby - so it isn't as easy as you think" I don't care anymore how I respond to irritating, insensitive and nosy people.  
K


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## bluesky510 (Jan 18, 2005)

oh yes - I have to add the two questions that I always seem to be asked by complete strangers: "Just the one?" or "Is this your first?"

GRRRRRRR (very very annoying...)


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## Ms Minerva (Mar 7, 2005)

Well, I feel like saying "would you *really *like me to tell you? How much time have you got?!"

Sometimes, like kittyt, I say "(name) was an IVF baby" and leave it at that, but I don't always want to tell all and sundry about my fertility problems.

I do realise that in most cases people don't mean to be insensitive/nosy - it is just a conversation starter, it is just that in my case, it can be more of a stopper!

But those who are stupid enough to tell me that I should be grateful to have one are really risking a punch on the nose! 

Even worse, was the person who asked me if I was pregnant! Sadly, no I wasn't, I was just very bloated after producing 16 eggs at EC!!

Jules


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

I respond with "I waited 14 years for these 2 and I don't think I could do that again"

That normally stops them in their tracks and I am sure they feel bad for asking.

Sometimes I say that my girls were IVF babies but it depends on how I am feeling - I don't always want people knowing my business.

At toddler group the other day one of the other mums had been asked that question and replied saying she had had IVF.  She was then offered THE story. you know the "well that happened to my friend and then she fell pregnant naturally!!!".  The woman rolled her eyes and said "well that won't be happening to me".  I backed her up saying that my babies were IVF too and I wouldn't be falling pregnant naturally either .  That was an end to that conversation !  She didn't mean to be insensitive but when people have no idea about fertility treatment, its easy for them to come across as insensitive.

I know if I could conceive naturally I would be happy to inform the world that I would be trying again next year    But I won't  

Its hard isn't it.


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

HI, I dont really belong here, either, as I've not had any yet , but thought I'd join in the general rant about insensitive people regarding having children.  I get asked, 'so, when are we going to hear the patter of tiny feet then?' or 'are you and dh going to have a family?' or 'don't you want kids?', or 'any good news to tell us?' ARGGGG  .  The last time I was asked the last question, I just said, 'no.' And didnt embelish at all.  Sometimes I say 'we'd love them' or 'hopefully'.  I think I am going to gradually get less polite as time goes by.

Clarey xxxx
ps I liked answer No 3!!!


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## Betty M (Dec 6, 2005)

I first went for the "it took us a long time to have L so I'm not sure what will happen" line to begin with then when I went back into treatment and then miscarried I gave them the "it took a long time plus a miscarriage" line, then when treatment failed it became "it took a long time and I've just had 2 miscarriages".  This finally shut people up. Thankfully I was blessed with a second. 

Last week I was out with some of my NCT group who dont know about my IVF and we were talking about a friend who has 2ndary infertility and had a late m/c at 20 weeks last year - I had to really bite my tongue as I heard all the "she needs to get over it and get pregnant again", "she's too stressed", "she needs to go on holiday she'll get pregnant then" ,"if she would just relax it will happen" - and this from people who in 2 cases had sex once before getting pregnant. Grrrrr.

People just dont understand if they havent been through it.
Bettyx


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