# DOWN IN THE DUMPS



## rianna (May 17, 2005)

Hello all,

I hate to be the voice of doom on this website when so much good news is flying around, but it is coming up to the anniversary of our approval, and we will have been waiting for one year.  We were matched after four months, but did not proceed for reasons I obviously cannot mention here, and had a couple of links which did not feel right.  I have sometimes wondered whether we were too fussy, but very sadly the 3 children they talked to us about all came with very severe problems and are all still waiting for parents.

Everyone in our group who we went through the process has now been matched, and we often socialise with our friends and their new children, and they cannot understand why we seem to have been left behind.  Worse still our social worker keeps telling us we are top priority and will be matched very soon, the last time was about 2 months ago, when we got all excited just to hear nothing.  

I have signed up to 'Children who wait' and we were chasing our social worker all the time at one stage, but no I feel like I am losing heart and losing hope.  I am sorry to sound such a moaner, but it is only you guys who can really understand.

Love Rianna.


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Rianna... I completely understand how you feel. I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, but I couldn't read your post and not reply.  Just try and focus on the fact that YOUR child is out there, and this is a guarantee.  You will be a Mum and sometimes however much they say "you will be snapped up"... if your child hasn't become available yet, then it won't happen until he/she is ready for you.  When you are matched with the right child, you see things clearly in hindsight and realise if you hadn't gone through what you have, then you wouldn't be there for the right child. 

All I can say is I felt the same way as you, and never thought we'd be matched before Xmas... all I can say is 1 day is all it takes to turn that around.  

I really hope it's your turn next, and I'll be watching out with baited breath for your good news.

Take care.

Cxx


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Rianna

I have sent you a PM.  Well I think I have it has disappeared!  Let me know if you don't get it I will re-do it.

Tracey x x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

aw...huge hugs.

I know it must really hurt to see so many people matched and with their children but as barbarella said, that just means your child isn't needing a family yet but when he or she does - you will be waiting for them.

We were told we'd be matched very quickly so when it took 6months to get to matching I was beginning to get despondent but it really was all turned around in a matter of days once everyone agreed it was right.

Anniversaries and holidays are alway worse when we are waiting or going through tx. But THIS time you *know * that you will definately be parents soon and your little one is out there somewhere. you just don't know the 'when' yet.

I found that planning weekends away etc helped me with waiting...nothing was ever more than 6 weeks away. In fact I had planned a lovely trip down in England on my PIL narrowboat for end of October...and we booked our leave and had arranged to visit friendds etc ....then we got the phonecall to ask us to go to mathcing panel that thursday...and we never did get our trip! But i look forward to taking it in a few years time once Bubbles is old enough.

Magenta xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Rianna

Sending you huge hugs. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you. It might be worth agreeing a contact arrangement with your SW so that she keeps in regular contact with you, but that there are some terms of reference for what you do/don't want to know so she doesn't raise your hopes and expectations.

I am sure that the right child/children are out there for you. Here's the link to the thread that was started with some tips for waiting. Hope it helps

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=67399.0

Good luck
Karen x


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## rianna (May 17, 2005)

Barbarella and Magenta,

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I know you both had quite a wait yourselves, and I am genuinely so thrilled for you both that you have been matched.  I just can't help thinking that a year of waiting is rather long, and it is difficult not to start taking it personally.

Of course I will hang in there, but every now and again, to come on this site and be able to pour your heart out to people who really understand is a real help.

Thank you both.

Love Rianna.

Tracey  I did get your message and I have sent you one back - Thanks

Karen - Thanks for your words and hugs.  They are very appreciated at the moment.  I will take what you said on board and try and get some sort of regular contact arrangment set up with our social worker.  Thanks for the link, going to have a look now.

Hope all is well with you.

Love Rianna


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Rianna, sorry to read you've been feeling so down.  Although we were told about our DS so quickly, I can understand your frustration.  Although we were matched straight away it effectively took me 9 years to find my son.  I spent 8 years ttc and undergoing if tx before we moved onto adoption but now I know I have the child that is right for us and it all seems worth the wait.

I know it's easy for me to say now and how difficult it is to go through the waiting, watching everyone else with their families.  Hang in there, carry on nagging your SW, your time will come.

love
Cindy


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Rianna,
I have been thinking about you lately, I am really sorry you are having such a horrible wait. I also know how difficult it is when you see others finding a match as pleased as you are it still hurts and I truly do understand. Like Cindy my journey has been 9 years the adoption part of it started in Nov 04. This I know is of no use to you but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and I know what waiting feels like. I also know you will hang on in there because you are a Mummy to be and as the others have said your little one just isn't here yet but tomorrow really is another day. I also agree with the advice you had from Magenta plan a few treats we did 3 days in Riga in Latvia last year with Ryan Air the flight was a penny! 
Take care Rianna love JD x


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## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Rianna

I just want to add my support, like the girls have said your family is out there. The wait is horrendous and I know how you feel, we have been approached about a match but who knows if it is the right one? But we just have to hang in there. I try to say to myself that is now a matter of when rather that when we were tx it was if. 

I hope you hear something soon and it will be the perfect match for you both.

LOL K


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## kee888 (Aug 12, 2004)

Rianna just wanted to send you hugs and aggree the waitning is the worse part we have just been approved for fostering and thats taking a long 2 years most of it waitning grrrrr so sorry you are feeling down all my love kee xxxx


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## Emcon (Oct 11, 2005)

Rianna

We thought getting approved was hard, the waiting nearly killed us, we were lucky and matched after 5 months.  I do not have any words of wisdom that would make this easier for you I know I was getting near the end of my tether after 5 months so you must feel awful.  Here's hoping you get a call soon.

take Care

Thinking of you.

Em


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Rianna, 
I just wanted to send you a hug! I really feel for you, it must be so hard with so many people getting matched around you. There's nothing we can say that will make you feel better...all this waiting is just rubbish! I would just agree with the others and say plan lots of treats for yourself, that's what DH and I are doing at the moment...one day we'll be much too busy to have time!
Love
Viva


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## rianna (May 17, 2005)

Hi,  Just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words and support.  For all of you waiting, I hope you get a match soon.  For those of you who have been matched, I know you have also been through it to get to this stage.  I think it is true what all of you say, that at least we know it will happen in the end.

Lots of Love Rianna,


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