# Single meltdowns



## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

I've only just begun my journey and I have been through so much Kleenex already!

Is this normal? 

Today I went to my local hospital to get my feedback from hysteroscopy. In the waiting room there were all couples and bumps. I sat there on my lonesome. Saw the gynagologist she discharged me. I then walked to my car and balled my eyes out! 

Have you gone through this?  To think the treatment has even started yet! Am I just odd?


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Hello Mcclean it is normal and a real roller coaster....was on it myself for years trying to sort everything out in my head and heart as a single person. Tomorrow I meet my baby via C Section. 
Hang in there and keep moving.....also be kind to yourself. It's a different kettle of fish going through it alone and at times it can be quite isolating. Once I started treatment I found counseling very helpful as well as meditation and acupuncture. 
Wishing you all the best of luck with your tx!   
xxA


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## Teela (Jun 7, 2009)

Mcclean the word normal is very subjective, especially in something so controversial as being single and trying to conceive. How we react and respond to a given situation or result is individual, and you could ask 20 ladies on here and they would all be different.
This journey is incredibly hard and very sad at times, you need to be strong and incredibly resilient, if you are not now you will be.

I am a very pragmatic person and to be honest started this journey very blinkered Mmmm "all I need is sperm" yeah right! 2.5 years down the track still waiting for a BFP to stick. As Alexine said counseling may be for you, its not for me though! I prefer walking my dogs and having McTimoney Chiropractic, also FF is my vent and communication channel, I have stopped telling close friends etc about tx now as got disappointing telling them it hadn't worked so I don't bother anymore!

Good luck with you journey

Teela
x


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

Alexine: Wow, C section, your nearly there.  Wishing you good luck  .

Teela: thank you for your advice.  I think counselling would help me as I have no one to share my highs and lows with.


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

mcclean -     I have had lots of highs and lows on my journey.  After my first appointment at the clinic I thought I would feel happy and liberated, but I just felt sad, lonely and angry that I was even having to do this alone and how expensive it was all going to be. I even text my ex and said "are you sure you don't want to donate some sperm??"    Even now I am pregnant I have been feeling quite down about the fact that I am single and seem to dream about an ex every night!   

However, I also feel very proud of myself that I have taken this step rather than remain childless with regrets that I never even tried.  It is scary, but it's also exciting.  I have had very positive responses about what I'm doing (about 99.5% of the time).

I have had counselling too and it really helps.  Mindfulness is the other technique I use.  You should also use FF to air your fears, concerns, excitement etc - don't bottle anything up.  After my miscarriage last year I also stopped telling people that I was having treatment as it's hard to manage your own emotions AND everyone else's.

Take care and keep talking to us     

GIA Tooxxx


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

You have expressed in your reply a number of things which I feel at this moment.

Thank you so much GiaToo  .


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Mcclean,

I found this entire process very difficult.  I am in therapy and have been for a while.  I find it helps with the emotions that come up.  
When I was going through the journey in the beginning I had so many doubts and questions. Would I be able to cope? Would I be a good mom?  Would people ostracise me because I chose this? Was I doing the right thing for the child? How would the child feel growing up without a dad? Would I ever have a normal relationship again if I had a child? How did it all work?  Why was this "happening to me"? Was I not capable of relationship and being "punished" by being alone?  Why were there so many happy couples?  

Oh it went on and on and on and still can.  The key underneath it was the fact that I have to work on my self esteem.  Throughout time there have been millions of single mothers and all of them have had children sucessfully.  I am no different.  There are so many great resources for single mothers.  From FF to Gingerbread to the NCT you can find so many places and books and people who will support you in your journey.  

The biggest thing to remember is those happy couples in the fertility clinics often seem happy but they have the same doubts and concerns we do.  Sure they may have a male partner (or female) to help them sometimes but the majority of the time it's us MOMs that get up in the middle of the night for the feeds, changing etc.  It's us mom's that sort out schools, sick kids, nappies and tears.  We as women are gifted to know what our children need.  Yes a man in my life would be wonderful and I hold out that somewhere out there is a dad for my kids but he is not going to make me happy.  He is just the same as me another person along for the big ride we call life.  

For now I am a confident mom to be and know that it will all work out fine.  I don't have to be perfect I just have to try and be me, stay calm and do my best.

You can do this!

Dawn


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

mcclean  so sorry you are finding it tough -  if you have the support of a friend and take them with you to appts it is very helpful, and don't oisolate yourself.  I have not been to an appt alone since my first IVF cycle and started TTC in 2005, have 8 cycles of every sort of treatment and complication highs and lows and now faced with surrogacy - I have taken them abroad and at home to every single appt, they have been there where a husband would have been.  I also had counselling after I lost my baby which was find, and she even said that I might not have family but I have created my own and surrounded my friends as family.

It is hard, but as a parent who is single we will be faced with 'couples' everywhere.  Be strong and keep focused on your baby and it'll be worth it,and be confident in your decision and proud.

Take a read on the relationship thread and see the 'problems' some of these partners/husbands can cause and you'll be pleased you are single sometimes!!   

Good Luck


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi McClean,


I think the others have expressed many feelings that I have felt along the way.  Meltdowns are all part of it!!  I had total meltdown the day before my 1st IUI, it was all so overwhelming. It would probably be more alarming if you didn't have a meltdown   


So no, you are not odd, just getting to grips with something quite huge.


Sending you a big   


xx


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

I just wanted to thank each and everyone who replied to my post.

After reading them all, it made me feel a little better about this process.


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## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

I've been having counselling for  few months now and accupuncture since last September. Haven't told too many people about the counselling, but it was my mother's suggestion as she noticed on her last visit to the Uk that I had a lot of problems to deal with and was keeping everything bottled up (with the odd explosions!
Counselling has given me an opportunity to talk things through, without feeling guilty.
Meltdowns are natural.  This whole process is not easy.


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## SallyAnn2010 (Nov 6, 2010)

Thanks for starting this thread Mclean - I have similar feelings myself and reading through the replys to your post has been of great help to me too. I've had a number of failed long term relationships and started to internalise the view that everything was my fault and I didn't 'deserve' a family of my own. I was really struck by Dawn's point: "Was I not capable of relationship and being "punished" by being alone?" That's exactly how I felt about my personal circumstances.

But JJ1's point about the 'problems' which some male partners can cause also makes me realise that it's too easy to romaticise that everything would be better if I had a partner. I look round at some of my friends and while many have good relationships a number of them might as well be single mothers given the amount of help and support they (don't) get from their husbands!

It's a tough choice to go it alone, and I wonder too about the long term effects on any children I may have. But on the other hand, at least they will get a life and a place in this world where they will be very much loved by me.

Anyway, good luck with it all 

Sally x


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