# Time to look at DE



## Littlemissv (Mar 6, 2013)

Hi ladies,

Forgive me... I'm sure this has been posted a hundred times before but my head is spinning a little and I'm not really sure where to start.

Yesterday we had our review meeting after a 2nd IVF cycle. The consultant was lovely but very gently and very kindly said that we are highly unlikely to get success through IVF and it us time to consider different options...
So - we are starting by looking at DE but that's about as far as I'd got.

The cost here in the UK seems soooo expensive compared to abroad but are we better sticking at home or not?? How do you know what is right? How do we measure success for clinics doing DE. Are those results published seperately?

I know it's only been 24 hours but I feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start??

I'm thinking about going to the fertility show to speak to people. Is this a good idea or will it confuse me more
(Sorry - I'm just getting things out of my head and into a post so please don't feel you have to answer every question!!) 

How did you all go about making your decisions??

L x


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi honey   I was told I stood no chance using my eggs, with my AMH, so I could either pay to join the DE waiting list for a uk donor or go abroad - they used Ukraine, Spain or USA. I decided on Spain & started my research !!
I emailed many clinics then came across a fertility nurse called Ruth Pellow (www.ivftreatmentabroad.com) Even though she lives in Greece she has a uk landline number, so I rang her. Anyhow, long story short, we decided on Procreatec in Madrid & have been nothing but happy. Ruth did all the clinic liaising & either rang or emailed me. Her services are free as the clinic pays her. The clinic fees aren't elevated to cover this either ! We were successful first time & found the clinic to be small but very modern & efficient. 
Unfortunately we got no frosties, as the clinic won't over-stimulate donors, so after managing to persuade my OH to try again we went for another fresh cycle this January. Sadly it failed but this time we got a frostie   and after popping back in July, here I am !! I dealt directly with the clinic for the second cycle as I'd become friends with the English speaking coordinator. We treated each fresh cycle as a holiday & went out for a week each time. For my FET I went overnight on my own. It's important to choose somewhere that has easy flights & a good reputation. I researched Procreatec through the threads here on ff. some countries are cheaper than others, plus it's important to consider that most foreign countries are anonymous whereas the UK isn't.  
Sorry if this is a bit rambling, am on my mobile. Feel free to ask about anything. 
xx

/links


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## Cordelia (Mar 7, 2005)

Littlemiss I am going to the fertility show (we went last year) and found it very helpful to actually get a feel for clinics rather than liaise by email.  Ruth will be there as we are considering using her if we decide to change clinics for our next DE cycle.

I know it feels overwhelming at the moment but the whole situation does get better the more you get used to the idea.  At the moment it is bound to be a shock.

Cordelia xx


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm another of ruths success stories tho I was with iakentro in athens.

I find doing it as a holiday works best. Having done oe cycles in the uk I found fitting stuff around work exhausting,  and not conducive to a bfp. Ok, it means holidays limit how many cycles I can do in a year but so does money , physical and emotional wellbeing.

I did a freeze all cycle. We visited athens, dp did his bit which was frozen. Then a donor was stimed and our 6 blasts frozen. I had a fet in march that was a bfn ( I tried a quick visit in on fri transfer sat and home sun. Works for many but complete disaster for me with my underlying medical problems. Luckily we used the 2 worst embryos as I had ben concerned how well it would work. Also , if it had been twins again that would've been my family complete and , as we've had lots of testing, we would put the rest of the embryos up for adoption through the clinic. However not to be so one of those embies is nearly 22w gestation )

The main thing to look at is how important donor anonymity is to you. For me, while it would've been preferable it was not essential.  When my twins were conceived it was as an oe/de tanddem cycle which is illegal in uk. And as it was 2010 waiting lists for de in uk were v long. And given my twins are from anon de, and look quite Mediterranean,  I wanted the same for future children. Also clinics in uk can't really compare photos the way clinics abroad to to ensure a good match not just on a list if characteristics. 

Take time to grieve but, if you're like me I plan the next cycle before I've done one as it is my coping mechanism  

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason ( another coping mechanism -a lot of it has been pretty sh*t  ) and you get the children you are meant to get. It is the one amazing thing to come from all the bad stuff. And I am nearly 22 w with another miracle who, if I hadn't had the endo and low ovarian reserve, wouldn't be them. 

One door closes but another opens. 

X x


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