# Im trying to keep the smile on my face.



## Keeley (Nov 17, 2006)

Hi

This is my 1st post on this area of the forum.

I hope you won't mind me letting off some steam here as i don't really know where else to go or anyone to talk to !!

Me and husband found out on valentines day we are unable to have children , this was a dagger to the heart but we are a young couple who love each other dearly and are trying our upmost to keep the smiles on our face.

Now i know its a hard subject to talk about but it seems since we found out our friends avoid us at all cost, again i don't know if it is because they feel sorry for us and don't know what to say but they really have not bothered, it really upsets us
The friends who do bothere are completely well  and it seems like there is a pregnancy epidemic cos alot of people i know or work with are pregnant.


The wife of this couple has treated us terrible while we were on our honeymoon 2 years ago slagging us off to our friend saying we don't deserve a child etc etc etc etc, now i know i will be asked why are we friends , because the husband is a good friend , she stormed out of our wedding reception telling lies etc etc etc. i kept a back seat after this and only made the effort when DH got questioned about my where abouts . we have the pleasent texts every now and then but most recently it got back to me that she has been at it again saying the reason we hardly go round there is because we are JEALOUS she has a child and we DON'T . this is completely untrue and extremely hurtfull. lets just say when she gets her revenge !!

my surposed best friend really doesn't bother with me any more, now this will seem selfish she has started seeing an old friend of DH and not once has she just called to see how i am, its always me and whenever i try and approach the subject she lets me get out 2 sentances before the subjects changed and its on about how great this rave was or what she brought at topshop. The reason i get upset is another friend of ours went though ivf a year ago and when that failed the support she gave her was immense round there constantly with bottles of wine, letting her speak about everything, i did approach the subject the other week , she said well i dont come round to your house because i can't smoke ! ( i gave up smoking 2 and half years ago when we started seeking help from hospital) . if im honest i have given up on this friend ship.

one of my friends is due to give birth on monday ( she needs c section) i cannot talk to her because she has 2 kids and a bump. she has tried to be supportive but it hurts me to speak to her , i was ment to be helping her today move house but i can't bring myself to see her. i have not answersed the phone all day, its hard for someone who is pregnant to understand what we are going though, even though she tries. I love her dearly but even seeing someone pregnant in the street at the moment brings tears to my eyes let alone my best friend, I think to her though im coping. 

As much as it pains me to say it, i know my mum loves me dearly , she has asked me once how i am and that is after the op. even on my wedding day and the build up to my wedding, she showed hardly any excitement. my nan sadly passed away 3 weeks before the day but it was hard to get her excited which hurt. not that it matters she didn't even get us a wedding present. yet at other weddings shes bouncing for joy and even traveling to america for one. i mentioned this to her best friend and she said as much as it pains her to say it i am right, she was surprized about how little my mum got excited about my wedding day. she got more upset when someone we knew had a miscarriage. I know she loves my husband dearly though , so its not that , i don't know what it is. i feel like she don't give a toss

My inlaws have been fanastic threw everything , the wedding, the disappointment spending time with us, taking our mind of stuff asking us how we are, they have been amazing our towers. 

At work pregnancy is rubbed in my face everywhere i turn. 

My DH is the best husband anyone could ask for, i think its starting to hit him and our relationship is being put to the test. I only have to so much ask him to do something and it causes, i love him more then life, if i try and imagine life without him , there is no life.

I feel the weight is pulling me under more and more its like my nose is just above the water

This is like therpy in a way, i feel a bit better for getting this off my chest,  if you have got this far down readying then thank you. It prob doesn't make sense , the tears are hitting the keys now


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## spooks (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi keeley, i didn't want to read and run,
i know how difficult it can be managing your grief for a child you can't have and when we are feeling vulnerable and alone we get angry at people that don't understand. Sadly, since discovering Dh and I can't have a child of our own, we too have had to let a lot of friends go. Some friends at first were very understanding but then, they clearly thought, we should've 'got over it' in a few weeks. 
Even family members don't offer the support we need.
It is still very early days for you - Febrauary was not long ago at all. We found out our sad news in Feb 2007 and many of the feelings you have I still get now.  
There are many options still available to you and there is a donor board which you may find helpful. The Donor conception network is also a good place for info. if you are considering this. It does all seem overwhelming but there are options you may want to consider in time. 
Take care


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## Keeley (Nov 17, 2006)

Thank you for replying to me. Really sweet of you.

i really needed to get that off my chest. No one really understands.

As you say it is very early for us,we though our friends would be there for us but it certaily does show you who your friends are when you go though something like this.


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## spooks (Oct 11, 2007)

It does, but you also find friends in people that you didn't expect so it's not all bad.
Have you thought about posting on other threads. 
I think I am right in saying that this area is mainly for people who are have finished tx whereas you are at the start of this journey. 
If you look through the index you may find a board for people from your area (I'm not sure where you're from) 
it is early days for you and given time you may want to think about your options.
Hope this helps and good luck


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## Keeley (Nov 17, 2006)

Thank you. If we are honest , this is sort of the end of the road for us, donor is not an option. x


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## spooks (Oct 11, 2007)

Good luck for the future Keeley,    
I'm sure someone else will post to you soon, the weekends are often quiet on here,
love spooks


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi Keely

I was just looking through the boards & saw your post & wanted to give you a    i'm really sorry for how sad your feeling ,& some of your friends are not there for you. It is times like this when  we do find out who our true friends are  , but IF is such a roller coaster & we all go through such a barrage of feelings & emotions ,& i've found personally that by reading & finding out about other peoples journey's , maybe  I can find another way to carry on with our journey albeit another path.  if it comes to that.

I really hope you can find some aswers on ff ,& I know you'll get lots of support because there are some lovely people on here, any time you need a shoulder hun just pm me  
                                    take care you & dh mistygirl xx


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## Angel Child (Apr 22, 2008)

Hi Keely,

I am new to boards, but have recently put my first post on this board. I just want to say you are not alone - I found that a huge help, as friends and family don't understand, but people on here have all had similar experiences, so definately do. If friends don't support you or try to understand, they are not worth having!!! I can't help, other than to say that I feel a bit better thanks to kind words from others on these boards. Just know that we care and understand so rant away as much as you like. Big hugs  

Angel


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## Keeley (Nov 17, 2006)

Thank you both for replying.

x

I have pretty much wiped out my no good friends apart from the one that said we  were jealous of her. i want revenge x

xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Can't better anything anyone else has replied to you with Keely, just wanted to send you a massive  .

I am really sorry you are find yourself in the situation you are in, it just goes to show we can never know who will be there for us when the chips are down.

Much love
Emcee xxx


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Just wanted to send you a big   hun 
Cat x


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