# Hypnosis



## Sonybear (Sep 8, 2008)

I am sorry in advance if my post upsets anyone, but yet again I am really struggling to come to terms with things, in fact I feel worse now than I did 2 years ago when the IVF didnt work.  I have become a virtual recluse too scared to go anywhere in case I see children and families, its got to the stage where I will only leave the house to go to work in case I see kids, I have a safe list and an unsafe list which includes times to go food shopping to avoid young children ...totally irrational I know, in fact I think I could be losing the plot   .

So thats brings me on to my question, could Hynosis help?  could I ask the hypnotherapist to hypnotise me into thinking I never wanted children and in fact that I am happy with my lot....thoughts anyone?

Just to add I have been seeing a counsellor but there is only so much talkmg you can do about your feelings of grief and anger which I don't beleive will ever really go.


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Hi, not sure about hypnosis or anything else but wanted to send   and let you know you're not alone. This whole journey has hit me like a ton of bricks and like you I don't really like going out that much anymore. Really wish I could think of something to suggest, have you spoken to your GP and asked what they think, maybe a different form of counselling would help? 

Anyway sorry I've not been much help just didn't want to read and run. So at least know you're not the only one feeling taht way if that helps at all. We go through so much hey x


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

I would say, without hesitation, yes. You can't get them to say you never wanted children in the first place, but you can get them to teach you acceptance.

When I was told we would need a donor for both egg and sperm, I was inconsolable as I thought we would never, ever have children. At that point, I started seeing a counsellor too and felt the same as you - all the talking in the world wouldn't change things. I then started doing an IVF CD which has helped enormously.

I hadn't realised before that that I simply had not, would not, could not accept that I would never have my own biological child. I think grief, despair, anger - all of that is easy to come by but acceptance is the last step and my god what a hurdle it is.

I know for me it is different as after being told we would never have our own biological children and reaching acceptance (even coming around to the idea of adoption after adamantly saying I would never do it), it turns out that we _might _not quite be as doomed as the doctors have said.

However, I would definitely recommend hypnosis. There are lots of CD's out there - maybe try one of those first before spending money on seeing someone.

...and lastly  I really feel for you and know exactly what you mean about becoming a recluse. I've been the same for the past year and only now am I venturing out to see people with kids.


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## Mamaji (Jan 21, 2011)

Hi Sonybear  

I can totally relate to what you have said I have also reached the point of realising that I wont ever give birth to my own baby.  Being out and about can feel like you are in a war zone and the sight of the most precious thing that we call crave - children - is the thing that hurts the most to see.  When I see children I get a warm feeling and want to engage with them (which is always what happened prior to realising my own circumstances) ..... then the warm feeling very quickly taps into the pain which is in my heart and it turns into sorrow and longing and grief then anger ... then the hammer in the face ... the beginning of acceptance that I wont have my own child.

I felt like I was stuck in the sorrow, had been avoiding family, friends, everybody and become attached to me sofa and the tv.  A quivering shaky person afraid of her own shadow.  I realised that all the feelings I had were grief but that I was also depressed.  I did the NHS test on line and although I did it to convince myself that i was okay it deduced each time that I was depressed.

It took a lot to go to the GP but I did and have now been on Prozac for the last 4 weeks.  I am still crying but it feels like the black cloud is above my shoulders rather than on them.  I have started to be able to go out, I have started going for counselling.  I had been making lists too but they were negative fearful ones - now I am making lists of positive things I want to achieve each day.  Some days it only consists of get out of bed, have a shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner.  Other days I set myself goals - go to the shops at 10.30am (when kids are around) stay in the shop for five minutes then leave.  Each day I am doing a relaxation tape.  i find that the anxiety starts when i wake up so i do it first thing to try to start my day off well. 

I like to write so have been using my computer to write what I feel every day.  It has helped because when i read back there are positive moments and thoughts in there that I forget abut in my moments of despair.

My counsellor has said that grieving is a process which will not resolve itself  quickly, however I agree that hypnosis could help to relax you and support you to boost your confidence and to have more positive thoughts.

Sending you loads of love and cuddles honey , its bloody hard work but with tiny steps forward I believe it can get better xxx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Sonybear,

It's not irrational at all, in fact I am exactly the same, even down to avoiding supermarkets on Saturdays like the plague! Seeing couples with cute toddlers or three or more children makes me furious and if they lose patience with them, I want to rush up to the parents and scream, 'you don't know how lucky you are!'
I haven't actually done this, obviously but it is how I feel!
You do need to help your mind and body cope. I've not tried hypnosis but I do meditate for about fifteen minutes a day and I find that helps. Nothing fancy, I just sit down, close my eyes and try to concentrate on my breath. If you try this, you'll find your mind goes all over the place and that's normal; just bring it back again. 
I think I've managed to move on and accept that I won't be passing down my genes but the thought of not having a child at all is completely unacceptable and you'll see in another thread how far we've got with adoption!
I find yoga helps, too or anything that gets the body moving. 
I know all the emotions you and Mandypandy mention only too well and it's so hard to get rid of them or live with them. 
I don't think any hypnotherapist can make you accept the situation in the sense of persuading you that you never wanted kids but they may be able to help with the emotions and the stress. If nothing else they could help you sleep, which is a real problem for me.
Hope this helps a bit.   We're all struggling with this horrible thing.

Rowanxxx


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## baby tears (Jan 18, 2011)

Hi all,

Just wanted to send you all a big   after reading your posts.It made me feel very sad. Ive only just began this journey (unexplained) so thou i cant relate to your feelings at the moment i can see how hard it is for you all.

I wish you all luck & hope that by taking little steps you will all be able to go about your normal lives once again

As for hypnosis I'm using a CD in a bid to help conceive. So far i have found it helps to put me in a more positive frame of mind. So i do believe it may help you with your thoughts & feelings 

Sending you lots of     x


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