# Pls Help?



## freckles2702 (Apr 3, 2012)

Hi there,

I've recently joined as I heard of this site through a few friends. I recently went to my GP to start the process of IVF as I have blocked tubes and was told that this was my only option. I've accepted this part. He said he would refer me either as a single female or a gay couple dependant on the criteria. The criteria states that if a partner has a child even from a previous relationship then we wouldn't be entitled to IVF so if this was the case then he'd refer me as a single woman which he did. Tail end of last week, I was contacted by my doctors surgery stating that the NHS would not fund my IVF even though I have the medical condition requiring it, because I need a sperm donor. I asked if I found my own donor would this make any difference, to which the reponse was the same. This has of course left me so very upset and uncertain where I stand. They said I would have to be referred as a private referral which would mean we would have to pay. There is no way we could afford £3k for IVF let alone the other costs that mount up on top of it. I still need to have my tubes out and still need to get my BMI under 30 which I can handle losing weight. How can they justify that I have to pay because I need a donor. I'd still need a donor if we were referred as a couple, so what's the difference. The fact that my partner has a child is irrelevant, she can never make me pregnant. I don't think the criteria for my area is very clear when it comes to this. It states nothing about sperm donation, nor does it say about being single. 

I'm so upset, I'm now 33 so if I ever did the donation of eggs I've now got very limited time. I'd have to do this before 35 for one free round. Just puts so much pressure on me and the what if it didn't work. In my area, if they had let me go through the process, I would've been eligible for 3 rounds. It's such a huge stress on my shoulders. 

Does anyone know any other loopholes/ways around this? I can provide the criteria link if need be. I'm classed as East of England and my clinic that I would go to is Bourn Clinic, Cambridge. 

I'm finding it so hard trying to find any other information on this and where I need to go. My partner and I have discussed the possibility of seeking legal advice but again, I don't know if this is the best option, or really where to turn/what to do. 

Please Help! 

Many thanks.


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## tinki (Oct 5, 2010)

Welcome 

This sounds like a very hard situation for you 

I can't offer much help but I do know when we started out I found in very small print buried away in our PCT guidelines that they did not fund treatment for anyone requiring donor sperm or eggs, thus getting round discriminating against lesbians, gays, or singles. They flatly didn't offer it. Have you got a full copy of the guidelines they work to? I found ours eventually on the Internet, it's worth a full read to check the details. 

Our gp did offer us the appeals process but in the end we couldn't wait for that and there is nothing to say that would work anyway. I guess the only thing with that is that in your situation I would feel uneasy in case they found out about partner and would then be likely to reject on the grounds that you were 'lying' about being single as well.

I 'think' criteria for being childless is pretty much standard regardless of whether any existing child is 'yours' or your partners, but again read the PCT guidelines and check there are no loopholes in this. 

Have you had hormone profiles etc done by your gp? I know ours did mine first time round and that saves a few quid even if the NHS won't treat you your gp sounds like they will do investigations for you to check that you are functioning normally so to speak.

In the end I egg shared on our first try, basically you would give half your eggs to a lady that needed them in return for free treatment with the private clinic. You do have to meet there criteria as obviously the recipient is relyingon you but for us it was a no brainer. We needed someone to donate sperm for us so why if we could would we not donate eggs to someone who needed them but I get that it is a personal choice that not everyone is comfortable with, just throwing it in as an option to mull over as it certainly helps withthe cost of private treatment. Also most clinics will let you share 3 times so possibly takes the pressure off only having one round to get it right? 

I don't know if this helps, reading back I sound a bit preachy so I'm sorry but Im just sharing my experience x


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## freckles2702 (Apr 3, 2012)

Hi, 

Thanks for your reply. Yeah it's a very difficult situation to be in right now. I don't know whether I'm coming or going half the time. Thankfully my boss has been very understanding which really helps. 

We didn't see anything about donation or single women in the criteria but we will look to see if there are other any documents pertaining to IVF. 

No I've not had anything with my GP yet, this all happened only a few days after asking to be referred. I'm just taking a few days as it has really eaten me up the thought that it might not happen for us. I think my GP would be willing to do those things and have me referred so my tubes can be removed in order for this to continue. 

Thanks again for your reply. Still uncertain which direction to turn. I can only hope we find a way. So many people don't quite understand and say you can adopt or have my partner carry, but this is my right to carry and it's not about the end result so to speak but initially its about the pregnancy. My right to want to, it's taken such a long time to be in a stable relationship with someone who wants to have a family. So many women say they do but when it comes to it, they really don't. I keep fleeting between tears and feeling angry about the situation. 

I can now only hope that egg donation is the option we can take. 
Thanks again.


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## katenreb (Oct 3, 2010)

daft question but if you found a friend who would donate for you could you go to your doctor and ask him to refer you as a 'couple' if your going to need ivf due to medical gounds any way then it wont chnge the mans role. it would be a lot to ask some one to do but you never know, might be worth a try


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## freckles2702 (Apr 3, 2012)

hi, i don't know anyone who i could ask but i don't think i'd ask even if we did know someone, isn't something we'd wanna do, doesn't seem right to have to lie about that kind've thing just to get through the obstacles they've put in front of us, think we're gonna see what we need to do with egg donation, seems to be the only choice right now, can't afford thousands for ivf   thanks though   guess i didn't realise how difficult this would be and being knocked at the first hurdle... sigh!!!!


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Just to say v v few single get anything funded on the nhs for fertility treatment regardless of gynae issues you may have. Also have a known donor is one of the most expensive ways to go ( I have one) as you have to pay for everything whereas that cost would be shared by clinic and up to 10 families 
Good luck


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Also if you are a m/f couple you have to fulfill the nhs criteria of trying for x amount of years before referral ie you need to have a fertility issue, plus the first question when my kd and I went to a private clinic and they assumed we were a cowpoke was ' how long have you been together, trying to conceive , then asked about sex etc


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## Candy76 (Feb 19, 2011)

Hi freckles, sorry to hear you are given all these obstacles to overcome.

I don't quite understand how your PCT could except single women if they don't except people without sperm. What about if you buy your own sperm? Would this overcome the issue?

I must say a lot of the time the funding guidelines seem so random, that it seems more like they are trying to let as few people trough as possible rather than that the criteria really have anything to so with who needs help and why.

Anyway, seems like you have a couple of options to think about.

All the best. Sometimes I wonder if we had known what we let ourselves into, would we have ever had the currage to start the journey? But here we are!


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## freckles2702 (Apr 3, 2012)

hi, thanks everyone, no they've said even with a sperm donor it makes no difference which makes no sense really. I think we're going to look into egg sharing a bit more as a lot of clinics offer a free round for this, my eggs as far as im aware are ok, so that's fine, some clinic's also have sperm banks which help too. Its just frustrating to be knocked back already. I guess I wondered if there were any other options available but I guess not. It shouldn't be this difficult! Thanks again everyone.


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## mamazuri (Mar 25, 2012)

Hi freckles2702

Contact stonewalluk as they can't refuse you treatment based on sexuality 08000502020


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