# Telling your children or not?



## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Hi folks, hope you are all well 

Quick question: if you go ahead with egg share and both you and the recipient have a BFP would you all definitely tell your child that they have a genetic half sibling out there somewhere? Or would some of you decide not to say anything?

We're in the process of deciding whether or not egg sharing is for us and I'm not sure if I would tell any future child that I donated eggs and that there's a person out there biologically related to us.  I know there's a chance that the recipients child could come looking for us at age 18 and I guess that's what concerns me.

Any thought?
Jojo x


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

For me the choice is easy because I'm using donor sperm so will be discussing donor issues anyway, so when they come up I will mention that I also donated & they will already have the possibilty of half siblings from the donor sperm.  However, I think I would tell them about it anyway if I hadn't used donor sperm as I think it's part of their genetic family and they have the right to know.  That's just how I feel personally though, I know other people might see it differently.  

I would definitely only tell them when they are old enough to understand that it's not going to be some lovely family reunion when they're 18 and that there's the possibility that the recipient children will never get in touch and there's nothing we can do about it.


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## Carly82 (Jan 3, 2013)

Hi, we are at the start of the egg share process and had our counsellor session this week.

If it works out for us we will definitely be open with our son who is 13 and any other child that may come along. As you already know, they have the choice to come and find you so I think it would be more beneficial for your family to be prepared.


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## Puglover1980 (Mar 7, 2013)

I expect that at some point we will tell both our children about it (the one we already have from a clomid cycle and this one from our egg sharing IVF cycle). Our counsellor made a good point that although statistically the chances of them accidentally meeting are tiny, you do hear stories about couples that discover they are long-lost brother and sister, which would be awful! (Obviously avoiding that is also dependent on my recipient telling any of her children born from my donation about it all too.) Perhaps more obviously, if any children born as a result of my donation decided to look me up in 18 years time, I would prefer my children to know about it all up front. When I was 13 I found out I had a 30-year-old half-brother who my mother had put up for adoption. He decided to trace her. I was extremely hurt that my mother had kept it from me for so long. I think honesty is the best policy.


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

I have found out that my recipient miscarried and didn't have any frozen embryo's but I am hoping to donate again as just a regular donor in the future, and if it does work for them I will tell my children, also so it doesn't come as a shock to them if the recipients child does decide to trace me when they are an adult


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## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Thanks for all your replies, it really helps to hear different perspectives. Really sorry to hear about your reci


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## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your recipient Vicky and its wonderful that you plan to donate again 

Thanks again folks
Jojo xx


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