# Young and struggling



## Jadeey-94 (Jul 21, 2015)

Just really trying to reach out and find some one who understands the hurting. At 21 I never imagined I'd be facing something like this. Every month I'm later and later. Today a whole week late. A whole week my body made me wait before finally giving me the biggest slap in the face. I know I know every one says I'm young another month it'll happen, try again, don't give up. That is so hard to do when you know your other half has been told after tests done years ago that he is infertile. I try to be strong I really do, I try to remind myself as every one says I should that I am young I have my whole life ahead of me but knowing that life could be without ever feeling  nauseas , without ever craving chicken and custard or picked eggs in jelly, without ever seeing a fuzzy little peanut on a screen, without ever becoming the size of a small whale and having a fight to get any clothes on, without ever carrying my own child.........  That life is so hard to picture. I don't know who to turn to without being told "next month"  or "keep trying", it's just not that simple ......


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi jadey- I'm sorry to hear about ur fertility issues, 
Your certainly in the right place for support and advice

I'm not sure if you have undergone any treatement or sought medical advice at all, but being unable to conceive naturally is by no means the end of your dreams of being a mum. None of us on FF are blessed with the ability to conceive without help, but were certainly all hoping to become mums one way or another! 
perhaps if u feel able to, sharing more details of your partners fertility issues will help us point u in the right direction for the support and information u need
all the best
K


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## Jadeey-94 (Jul 21, 2015)

First off thank you so much for replying, after the day I've had I just needed some where to vent a bit! Well from what I know of the situation he had semen analysis and an examination of his testicles and from that the doctors deemed him infertile. He was told the reason for his infertility is he is firing blanks (for want of a better phrase). This month being a week late we had so much hope but today af arrived in her usual inconvenient way.  Every one around me says next month it'll happen be patient but with the thought in my mind of what he was told and the constant unpredictability of my cycle I'm becoming more and more emotionally drained.


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## 100480 (Mar 10, 2014)

Don't lose hope. I too am quite young - I was only 22 when we started fertility investigations. There are ways forward for you - I'm sure if you get hold of a fertility clinic, most would be able to do further tests on your partner's sperm or suggest treatments or medicines to start producing sperm. As a last resort, you could look into donor sperm.

My partner had his semen tested on several occasions - some samples had zero sperm, some had about 15,000 of which most were unuseable. Blood tests showed he had a hormone deficiency that can't be helped with any medications or treatments. But our clinic suggested a healthy diet and taking male conception vitamins. He managed to produce enough healthy sperm for us to have IVF with ICSI, which has resulted in our toddler and current pregnancy.

Age is on your side, whichever way you move forward. Please don't lose hope yet. I know how hard it is for people to understand the hurt and disappointment at not being able to fall pregnant at such a young age, but that's because most people assume fertility problems only affect older people. I would definitelt suggest making an appointment with a local fertility clinic to discuss all the options you have. You'll make it to be a mummy one day xxx


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## Jonsgirl80 (Jun 6, 2013)

Hi jadeey,

So sorry you find yourself here. 

I have often been late and even though I know there was absolutely no chance of conception in our case my mind played so many tricks on me - sometimes I even had pregnancy symptoms and started to have hope which of course was snatched away when AF arrived - it really is so cruel and I imagine even harder in your case as you don't really know the full extent of your OH's fertility problems. 

I know it is hard but there really is a lot more hope for male infertility than there was years ago. My DH has a zero count - no sperm at all - and he has had an operation and then medication - both of which have yielded sperm. 

My advice would be to get some up to date testing done on your DH (semen analyses and hormone levels) to get a clearer picture of what exactly the issue is - these can be done by your gp. 

If the tests show a problem and you want to proceed with treatment PLEASE find a clinic or urologist that specialises in male infertility - most normal clinics are notorious for knowing nothing about it and tend to focus on the woman because it's "easier" - most of us ladies who have DH's  with male factor have, at one time or another, been either misinformed, had the wrong treatments or wasted time and money dealing with health professionals/clinics who don't actually have a clue about male fertility.

There's loads of information and friendly ladies on the male factors board - please come over and have a look of you want to when you are ready.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Jadee I think you need more information from the doctor who saw your partner, and he really needs to do a better job at fully explaining your partner’s diagnosis to you both. To tell your partner that he is simply ‘Infertile’ isn’t good enough as this can mean all manner of things such as low count, poor motility, poor morphology, a blockage or like myself and Jonsgirl, no Sperm at all in the sample due problems with production. If he actually used the term ‘firing blanks’ I would strongly question  how qualified he is medically and would start afresh with a reputable urologist who specialises in male infertility.  

I have to say that if your partner has a more severe case of male Infertility then unfortunately you are not going to get pregnant naturally. Coming to terms with that is very very tough, I do understand. But if what you want is to be a mum, then, when your both ready, you will need to start the ball rolling with further investigations and finding out exactly what CAN be done. 
Like Jonsgirls says male infertility treatment has come on leaps and bounds over the past few years, and with things like Mtese and ICSI men are able to become biological fathers with very very few sperm. Some in single figures!
My DP has no Sperm at all, and none was found after a biopsy either. We were very much a hopeless case. We are taking the donor route now as like you, being a mum is too important to me to miss out on

I wish you all the best. 
K


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## Jadeey-94 (Jul 21, 2015)

Thank you all so much for your advice and support. It's such a relief to not feel so lonely in this situation with all you lovely people in the same position! I wish you all lots of hope and happiness. My partners sister is currently pregnant so af arriving yesterday hit even harder we were hoping some miracle meant we would share the experience and she of course was so excited at the thought of being an auntie at last. I felt so humiliated at having to tell her yesterday, part of me just knew it would happen but I kept feeling sick and needing to pee more, now I'm sure I just tricked myself into feeling that way because I wanted it so much. Does it make me a bad person to have done that? I feel like I should've just not thought of being pregnant at all but it's so hard when my partner has wanted children for so long (he is 27) I just felt all of a sudden like I could give him and me all we want..... I've never been so emotional over anything, I feel like I go through the stages of grieve every month and when I reach out to my family all they say is try again next month well as some of you know that advice isn't always the answer xx


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