# here's a phrase I hate..



## Asja

"If it's meant to be". People really say this, that babies only happen when "it's meant to be". It drives me nuts.  There's a story here that a woman murdered seven babies shortly after giving birth and buried them in her garden.  So those babies were meant to be, but not mine that is desperately wanted?  Or babies born to drug addicts are meant to be? 

I'm just venting.  I do have a daughter, for which I am eternally grateful.  But we have been trying to have a second one for over a year.


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## blockipe

I also hate "just relax it'll happen" 

They mean well but I guess they don't understand we don't need optimism, we need realists.


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## EmWills

Love this idea! 

I also hate 'your time will come' 

I just want to scream in their faces - well you tell me when and I'll save the money I'm spending on ivf until then! 

Em xx


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## MrsRL

Another one I hate is 'it will happen when you least expect it!' Will it really?!


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## KaitsWishOnAMoonbeam

"Stop trying and it'll happen on its own..." Really... well thanks for that little gem   If stopping trying and thinking about it would make df's tadpoles swim like an Olympian that would be swell wouldn't it. 

You have to laugh at how thick the general 'fertile' public can be otherwise you'd go completely bonkers.


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## Vicask

Well I haven't expected it to happen for 5 years, and guess what? It hasn't happened, so I guess that disproves that theory!!

Grrrr......


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## rubster

"Just think of everything you have to be grateful for"

F*CK OFF!

R xxx


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## Pudding34

Go on holiday and don't think about it it will just happen!

That one made me want to resort to physical violence!

Pudding
X


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## Dee55

"At least it won't cost you thousands of pounds to have a baby"

This really got to me, cos actually I have spent thousands of pounds on failed cycles!   

Dee xxx


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## Pudding34

"My friend got pregnant after sitting in a magic chair at work!"

Silly me, I've been through all of these procedures and heartache and all I needed to do was sit in a chair!

Pudding
X


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## IndigoBlue

lol at "it will happen when you least expect it" 

Given that we can only conceive with IVF I'm pretty sure that if we ever get lucky it will be exactly when we MOST expect it - ie at the end of the 2ww following embryo transfer - coincidentally after we've given the clinic a shed load of cash to treat us.

Or, you know I could sit in "the magic chair" because "oooh everyone who sits there gets pregnant"   
Yep, cos "relaxing" "not thinking about it" not expecting it" and the s***ing magic chair will grow back the fallopian tubes I had removed . 
Marvellous. Must tell my consultant - silly man has got me trying costly medical procedures when all I need is to listen to the advice above


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## IndigoBlue

haha cross posted with Pudding!

do you think there's more than one chair? we should write to the Lancet requesting they publish these findings at once!


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## M0ncris

Why don't you use a surrogate - sure cause if its poor egg or sperm quality that is going to solve all our problems!

Mon
Xx


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## Pudding34

IndigoBlue, great minds and all that!

Given how many times I have heard of these magic chairs I sort of expect to see them just rolling down the street!

I work at home and I don't have a magic chair so I guess I am screwed!

Pudding
X


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## aRainbow

I hate it when I hear "I'm just soooo fertile...he only has to look at me and I'm up the duff" and "I don't know how this has happened, we have only had sex once since the baby was born" LOL

Oh and also "I don't know how this has happened, i haven't even missed a pill" 

I work with pregnant women by the way lol xx


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## Josie1

I have had a few people saying I know someone who tried IVF x amounts of time then they fell pregnant naturally.

Really, good for them lol, not really what I want to hear after a failed cycle x


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## Pudding34

I have also hated, "have you considered adoption?" Like that is the magic cure!

It's a perfectly valid choice but you would never say that to somebody who doesn't have fertility issues so why say it to IF sufferers?

Pudding
X


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## Jonsgirl80

My personal favourites

"You're only young yet - plenty of time to think about having more babies later" errr well since my hubby has no sperm that's completely irrelevant.

Conversely from my mother - "you'd better get cracking, your biological clock is ticking" thanks mum we've only been trying to "get cracking" for the last three years - grrrr


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## Cloudy

Following my recent BFN I have kept a tally of people who have said "chin up".

Seriously, that's what you say to someone whose car fails it's MOT, not someone who has injected day after day and put their heart and soul into it for months. Plus, why the f&@? Should I? My body thought it was pregnant, I was "pregnant" (well as close to pg as I am ever able to be), and i deserve to grieve the loss of that child. Ironically enough it's the perfectly fertiles who say chin up....

I really also hate the "my friend did IVF 6 times and then it worked". What about the people who it never works for? Did you pay the £30,000 for them to have it 6 times? Are you going to pay for me to have it 6 times? Are you going to keep paying my wages for full-time work but let me have loads of time off for scans/EC/ET/2ww - after all if I "relax" it will happen right.....?

Phew, feel a bit better now Ive had a rant!xx


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## Asja

I've heard Mount Everest is a bit nippy, so I'm not sure how the magic sperm will make it through four layers of wool and gore-tex?


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## Mrs Rock

Lol!  This thread has cheered me up a bit. I could strangle with my bare hands people who say "you just need to relax and it'll happen". Not very relaxed of me I know.


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## calypso

The woman serving me in holland and barratt came out with this gem
( as I was handing over about £50 for vits and supplements)
" you know - you can do all this but I've always said, babies come when they are ready and not before "
Eh? Ok I'll put all this back on the shelves and go home and dp's sperm will magically reappear will it


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## Love London

Oooo this feed is good!  

I have quite a few pregnant friends, to make themselves feel better they say to me "I understand what you are going through, I know people who have had to go through IVF"  
[email protected]'LS\@#T

They will never understand! The outsiders do not even know about the different kinds of tx available ICSI IUI etc etc.


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## Pudding34

Love London said:


> Oooo this feed is good!
> 
> I have quite a few pregnant friends, to make themselves feel better they say to me "I understand what you are going through, I know people who have had to go through IVF"
> [email protected]'LS\@#T
> 
> They will never understand! The outsiders do not even know about the different kinds of tx available ICSI IUI etc etc.


Love London you read my mind!

Pudding
X


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## Love London

I've got another one ....
My old boss used to near enough everyday say " My daughter is sooo fertile" she'd show me her screensaver, tons of pictures of her grandkids. She knew I was having treatment!


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## Love London

Sorry guys I love this page so much I've another one!!!

Sister in-law is pregnant.
The mother in-law tells me "They come in two's you know Jane"


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## Pudding34

That is just mean, they wouldnt say to a cancer sufferer, hey I'm in tip top condition health wise, would they?

Having said that, when I had my cancer scare I had one of my old bosses say well my daughter thought she had (a different type of cancer) but it turned out she was fine and it was all in her head! And that was the conversation over! Nice huh!

I didn't bother to tell him about the fertility treatment after that!

I pretty much work for myself now so no more insensitive twits to deal with, if people are insensitive I can just walk away!

Pudding
X


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## Love London

I think everyone on this feed should meet up and have a big **** off session, although not sure it would leave us feeling very positive at the end... this has me in stitches. We have to laugh right?!


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## beccas

'You never know, it might just happen naturally, I knew a friend or a friend that didn't think she could have kids then it just happened' 
Well yes I am very happy for that person but no I can't have children naturally and no that will not happen to me!!!!!!!!

Becca


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## Pudding34

Love london You are totally right it's laugh or cry! And I have had enough crying recently!

Pudding
X


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## Mrs Rock

Or my other personal favourite "So many people have IVF for their first one and then you find the second one happens naturally".  Well someone should've told me that earlier as I've been trying for the second one for 2 years and I've also had another 4 failed txs, silly me it's going to happen naturally of course!


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## Barleybelle

Three of my friends were pregnant at the same time and when the third one announced her pregnancy she said  'There must be something in the air with us all becoming pregnant, you just need to breathe more deeply'. So all along while I was doing ivf I should just have changed my breathing!


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## aRainbow

Love London said:


> I've got another one ....
> My old boss used to near enough everyday say " My daughter is sooo fertile" she'd show me her screensaver, tons of pictures of her grandkids. She knew I was having treatment!


What a kn0b!


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## Wisp

Hee, hee, this thread has really made me giggle! A woman at work said to me that she thinks "babies souls are out there and they are waiting to find the right mum for them, the baby picks you and one day your baby will find you" initially you might think it's sweet, if not slightly bonkers, but I was left thinking "great, after three years TTC no baby has thought I'm good enough for them"   How depressing!!


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## Brown-candy

I honestly cant seem to get myself together with laughter.

Mine is "dont worry, relax and try harder, it will happen when u least expect it"
You must be out of your mind   
How hard can I try after over 4yrs,  

how relaxed can I be when everyone seems to be pregnant around me?   
And when do you think I should stop expecting when all I do is expect to miss my period for pregnancy huh   

This is so unfair


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## Mrsball

I love this thread!!!!

How about this one...

"Enjoy your time now because it will all change when you have children"

well let's hop so as I don't really want to be doing injections everyday day and stick dildocams up me for life!


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## blockipe

A stranger over heard a conversation I was having with a friend about IVF  and told me if god wanted me to have a child it'll happen, keep believing. One I'm not religious and two I'm not a virgin so the whole immaculate conception thing ain't gonna happen for me.


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## Pudding34

Blockipe

I sincerely hope you told the stranger to mind their one god damn business! Or words to that effect!

Pudding
X


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## tricia1012

This thread made me smile I've heard so many of these annoying comments from people! Recently my boss did the best one after my BFn " never mind I never had any trouble Getting pregnant but sometimes I just think of all the money you will save and holidays you can go on , your lucky really! " yea because I have loads of money left after paying for years of trying to get pregnant! And no baby that makes me lucky?!


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## donna80

I've had a good giggle reading these, 
Here's one from my MIL after phoning her to tell her of our bfn 14dp5dt, and dr telling me to stop meds, " wait another couple of days and test again keep thinking positive. It maybe to early to tell"    

Some people really have no idea!  

Keep smiling ladies, 
Donna xx


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## Look on the bright side

Oh Gosh this thread has really made me and my DH laugh (Have been reading them all out to him).

I have heard all of these, my favourite being "Just sit in the magic chair.. so and so sat there and got pregnant"... Do these people really not know the science behind conception? haha

As I work in a primary school I have also been told to "Go and work in that classroom because the last TA that worked in there got pregnant".

God help us!!


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## Look on the bright side

Madrid333 said:


> I think I've got the answer...
> 
> Take the magic chair on holiday, when you're thoroughly relaxed sit on it when you least expect it, like halfway up Mount Everest. If it's meant to be...you'll get twins.
> 
> My friend did it after 36 yrs of trying so..chin up.
> 
> Thank you, that'll be 6 grand x


P.s Madrid333 This is hilarious... I may try this!! haha


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## caro82

My latest one -' Well, you have one, your body obviously knows what to do'
That was 10 yrs ago, my body has clearly forgotten, anyone know how to remind it?


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## Look on the bright side

I have just thought of another one - "Change your lifestyle and make sure you stop going out drinking"... 

Uhmmm, I have been trying to conceive for 6 years now, I think I would have stopped going out drinking and started being healthy a long time ago now!

I hate when people assume because i'm 27 I must still go out drinking, and eat nothing but mcdonalds, and that is the reason why I haven't conceived!


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## AMAM

When I first went to see our gp - all she would say is don't worry too much, just remember it only takes 1 sperm    ?


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## MissMayhem

Helps to laugh and vent ladies, excellent thread! Have heard so many of these over the years, lots from my DH!!   My latest one is being told by my boss that she knows 'exactly' how I feel as my predicament is almost identical to hers: she had to work from home for two days to care for her suicidal, alcoholic bf and our HR dept would only let her take one day as compassionate leave. Ummm sorry to say that, whilst it's undeniably sad that her (now ex) bf is in such a bad way, it in no way compares to my predicament which I have absolutely NO control of whatsoever! Oh, and I couldn't work from home either, I had to carry on with my proverbial 'chin up'!   

Another recent favourite from my oh so sensitive Consultant is to blame my IF on me being 'old' and 'fat' and recommending that I just don't eat so I could lose weight, but wouldn't have to forego alcohol as I needed to 'have a life' afterall! Was too shocked with that one to point out that 13 years ago I wasn't so old, or fat, yet still kinda had the same problems!! Grrrrr!!


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## Wisp

Oh my god, that is horrendous! There are some real idiots out there!


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## Gwen A

Brilliant - most of the advice I got was just get drunk because of the number of people that fall pregnant from drunken one night stands.


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## Ivfmamma

Wisp said:


> Hee, hee, this thread has really made me giggle! A woman at work said to me that she thinks "babies souls are out there and they are waiting to find the right mum for them, the baby picks you and one day your baby will find you" initially you might think it's sweet, if not slightly bonkers, but I was left thinking "great, after three years TTC no baby has thought I'm good enough for them"  How depressing!!


Lol that is a sweet thought actually,

Aww bless you, you are good enough!. x


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## carrie lou

I'm loving reading through these little gems... Just wanted to share my latest horror story with you all.


Recently I was visiting my friend and her 6 week old baby (her second, both conceived naturally virtually without trying). She knows we have had to use donor sperm as our only option to conceive. She also knows in the past few months I have endured a failed IVF cycle, closely followed by a miscarriage, and I'm sitting there finally, FINALLY pregnant with my much wanted, very longed-for, hard won baby. What does she choose to talk about? Her plans to get the contraceptive implant, because in her words, "DH only has to look at me to get me pregnant" and she DEFINITELY doesn't want any more   


Feeling rather at a loss for what to say, I mumbled something about the one silver lining to IF being that I will never have to worry about contraception ever again, and she replies, "But it could still happen, couldn't it?" Um, no, you stupid ignorant [email protected]#%h, it could not! No sperm = no babies! Basic biology lesson! And why would we be using donor sperm if "it could still happen"? Why would I have enjoyed months of expensive, invasive, unpleasant fertility treatment? I'm not ashamed to say I have not spoken to this friend since.


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## Ivfmamma

I like this thread too..  

Plenty of times I've had the whole 

'it will happen when you least expect it' 

I have no fcuking Fallopian tubes so no it 'won't happen when I least expect it' & I'm pretty sure if it did all your ivf cycles would be on me girls as the sun would be paying me an absoloute fortune for my story lmao

seriously some people are so dumb it's unreal. x

We want another baby so will try ivf again next year but someone recently said to me, it's just taken you 10 years for your son why go through it all again, basically be satisfied for what I have... why should I stop at 1, no body else has too. X


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## MissMayhem

Laughing so much at Gwen A and the drunken one night stand advice! My advice? Don't bother, been there and tried that for first time in my life at 33......got chlamydia instead, again another first in my life!  And I too am loving madrid333's nice, dry delivery of the end price tag...priceless! Carrie really feel your pain, I've started simply responding to such idiotic comments with a  short 'hmmm' followed by silence, may just provide the beginnings of them possibly wondering about why you may have not replied....just maybe, I don't hold my breath though!!  Thanks to you all, gnite!  xxx


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## kerryh

Hi, new on here so excuse the virgin post! (more like virgin on the ridiculous as I spend so much time trying to get pregnant nobody would call me that again)

My hubby and I have been trying for 15months, seems like ages but I can see from a people on here it's really not. Recently found out that my hubbies sperm is not so good, 4mill with only 18% motility, normal morph - not impossible, but not likely - 'could do better' the doc helpfully said! Now undergoing further tests to rule out any others issues with me.  Hubby took it really hard and it's left me feeling like I wish it was me and not him, if that makes sense! 

Loved this thread as I think I have been under some absurd delusion that I have to smile and say 'that's good advice' to every friend and family member (that's all of them) that says 'just relax' or 'it'll happen if it's meant to be'. ******** on what I renamed (in a low moment) as 'i'll never be a mothers day' was just intolerable and it seems to me that every other woman in the street is pregnant. 

My pet hates however are my mother saying 'I can't understand it as I got pregnant on the first month every time, just like that it was' then she accompanies this clicking her fingers, as if I didn't know what 'just like that' meant. My single friends saying 'just be grateful you've even got a husband' and everyone saying 'it's because you've got such a stressful job, maybe you should do something else'. That's right, because nobody with a stressful job every got pregnant. In fact I should probably give up my only hope of paying for IVF because my job is so stressful that it has stopped my husband's sperm from swimming - imagine that! 

The desire to tell people to **** off is only tempered by the knowledge that if I do finally blow a gasket I will undoubtedly get the pitying 'oh no she's finally gone mad' look, or the even worse the 'lock up your infants and don't let her near a maternity ward - we have a baby stealer on our hands' look.  In future I may resort to printing off copies of the wonderful post I read on infertility etiquette and keeping them on hand for such situations. 

I've always tried not to be smug, but by way of compensation, I do look over at my wonderful husband during the night and think of all my single friends, and people I know in unhappy marriages, and feel totally and utterly smug that I landed such a gorgeous, caring, kind man and that I have such a happy marriage - boo sucks to everyone else. Not the nicest thing to do but it gets me through - maybe were are all a bit bad in our own way and maybe I should review the 'advice' I give my single friends or dating! 

Anyway.....enough of the rant, it's good to know that i'm not in fact mad or alone! x x x


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## Pudding34

Pollywally

I replied on your other post and I am now literally lost for words!

Your parents are inconsiderate morons, feel free to convey this to them!

Pudding
X


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## Look on the bright side

Pollywally, that has actually made me mad for you!!  
Sorry to hear that you received such insensitive comments. Some people really just don't get it and can't understand why people that can't have children are so sensitive about it! It's unreal. Of course you wouldn't want to see your SIL whilst she is pregnant after just loosing your own!!

Hope your OK now and surrounded by positive people!!


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## Tone

Oh dear wot [email protected] there are in the world lol.
My 'friend' at 10 weeks pregnant from Ivf - yes that's right she had Ivf so should know better - said to me despite knowing we would be having Ivf after trying for a while 'don't u think everyone seems to be pregnant at the moment?' F off u thick [email protected], yes everyone apart from me lol. She said loads of other idiotic things too but I can't be bothered to waste anymore time on her lol.


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## Beandreaming

Pollywally, when you start your IVF I would keep it to yourselves, just tell your family you are 'preparing but unsure exactly when it will be'.  You don't need the added stress of an unsupportive family through what is a stressful experience.  

If you want to show them what you are going through, perhaps find some really good IVF blogs (there are lots) and ask them to read them.

When we had been trying for nearly 3 years and had already had 6 rounds of IUI, my mum was still making comments like "why don't you both have some wine and get an early night" nudge nudge, wink wink.  If she ever says it again she risks a punch in the face!  

X


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## Look on the bright side

That's no worries Pollywally!

I'm glad to hear you are having IVF this year, I was reading a previous post of yours where you were applying for funding, so glad it has worked out.
xx


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## Gwen A

Pollywally, I will happily speak for the defence if either of your parents ever 'fall' under a bus. just kidding really.

After watching OBEM (bearing in mind hubby works at the LGI and it would be our birthing centre of choice) I told him the sure fire way for us to get pregnant was for him to get a Leeds United tattoo, ideally on the neck. 'Cos that seemed to make the men super fertile.

Don't you hate the old wives tales of well my friend tried for ages until they (insert stupid activity like making love with an apple balanced on their head) and hey presto.

Oh and Tone, a friend went from hating every pregnant women and wishing disaster on them to being completely oblivious and insensitve when she conceived.


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## Tone

Haha Gwen, my friend also cussed every pregnant woman before she got pregnant, as well as saying that if she ever had a child she would worry that she'd end up hating it as she didn't like children. wtf!!!!! How does one go from this attitude to really wanting a baby in less than a year I ask myself. Then all of a sudden they've been trying for 7 years and it was always her dream. I give up!


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## aRainbow

here's a good one that i had yesterday...."you just need to eat well and stress less"

oh really!?

x


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## naddie

Some of these are hilarious, I mind out shopping one day with my LB when he was a few months, and an elderly gentleman approached me for a goo and a gaa at my baby, he looked into my pram at my little one and said, your a beautiful little baby, how much did you cost? I felt like saying 15 grand


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## carrie lou

Haha, I've had something similar   In a shop once when my LO was a baby, I sat him on the counter while getting my purse out to pay, and the lady at the till asked, "ooh, and how much are you, little one?". I wanted to say, more than you can imagine!


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## Ivfmamma

carrie lou said:


> Haha, I've had something similar  In a shop once when my LO was a baby, I sat him on the counter while getting my purse out to pay, and the lady at the till asked, "ooh, and how much are you, little one?". I wanted to say, more than you can imagine!


Love this Carrie Lou  xxx


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## Ivfmamma

naddie said:


> Some of these are hilarious, I mind out shopping one day with my LB when he was a few months, and an elderly gentleman approached me for a goo and a gaa at my baby, he looked into my pram at my little one and said, your a beautiful little baby, how much did you cost? I felt like saying 15 grand


Lol too funny. xxx


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## Haydan

great thread!

some of the phrases i get are:

"when you finally get pregnant ill be so happy for you - i really want it for you!" 
oh thats great cheers - no pressure then! 

"are you sure you're 'doing it' right?"
silly me - now that you mention it we have been using DH's foot instead of his penis! so glad you were here to correct me! now i can obviously get pregnant straight away!

"stop thinking about it and it'll happen"
how do i stop thinking about getting pregnant! im never going to stop wanting children so im never going to stop thinking about getting pregnant! Duh!


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## scribbles

Haydan - I am literally wetting my pants at your using DH's foot!!!!! That's hilarious!!!!


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## AMAM

scribbles said:


> Haydan - I am literally wetting my pants at your using DH's foot!!!!! That's hilarious!!!!


Me too that's is great   Maybe are we are all doing it wrong   ?


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## Tone

Loooool haydon if only I'd have known, I could have saved 19 grand!
Love this thread.


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## Haydan

Ah glad I put a smile on peoples face today!


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## Wisp

Ha, ha! I hate that one too, "are you doing it right", had that one from my own mum, arghhhh!


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## Haydan

Lol! What a conversation that would be... "Maybe I'm not doing it right Mom, tell me exactly how I'm supposed to do it in order to get pregnant?"


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## Wisp

I know! I couldn't believe it, what planet is she on!!! Mad!


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## Gwen A

I did actually mention this to a registrar at the clinic and she said some people did need to be told more than once every three months and reminded which orifices needed to be used.


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## Wisp

HA HA HA


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## carrie lou

As bizarre as it sounds I've heard of a couple referred to gynae for fertility problems... Turned out the husband was trying to impregnate his wife through her belly button   So perhaps some people do need a lesson in basic anatomy! But I think the vast majority of those who have been trying to get pregnant for a long time have a very clear idea of what they're doing


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## mrsmcc7

Wisp said:


> Ha, ha! I hate that one too, "are you doing it right", had that one from my own mum, arghhhh!


Offer her a demo and I bet she never says that again!! lol

x


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## Gwen A

mrsmcc7 said:


> Wisp said:
> 
> 
> 
> Ha, ha! I hate that one too, "are you doing it right", had that one from my own mum, arghhhh!
> 
> 
> 
> Offer her a demo and I bet she never says that again!! lol
> 
> x
Click to expand...

Fabulous


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## Lady-S

Couldn't resist joining in...hope that's ok. I heard them all too.  

This always makes me laugh but....

WARNING: If you are offended by comparing infertility to paraplegia,please stop reading!!!! 

I hope not to offend, it's not my intention...


So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile...

As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!

You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!

My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.

Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.

So... when are *you* going to start walking?

Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk everywhere I go!

But don't you *want* to walk?

You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.

You're so lucky... think of the money you save on shoes.

I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

I hope you don't try those anti-paralyzation drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

Look at those people hiking... doesn't that make you want to hike?

Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.

Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.

I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.

If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.

Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!

Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

And I bet a parapalegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running...

I do think IF unleashes a dark dark sense of humour in me.....

Big hugs to u all...just relax and u'll be fine (lol.....yeah right!!!!!!)

Xxxxx

Ps apparently now I've had my LO I'll be able to conceive naturally. Because of course my menopause has spontaneously reversed and my ovaries have magicked eggs out of thin air.  Grrrrrr!!


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## rubster

OH My God Lady S that is hilarious!!!!!

You've hit the nail on the head RE double standards

****e, isn't it?!?!?!?!??!!?

Keep writing, keep smiling

R xxx


----------



## Tone

Lady s that is soooooo funny! I haven't even had my baby yet and people are already telling me to be careful as I'll probably get pregnant really quickly after the birth. Just p*** off and let me enjoy this one grrrrr!


----------



## carrie lou

Lady S that is very funny


----------



## Dory10

Fab Lady S - you've cheered up my drab and rainy morning  


I am also sick of my boss telling me she knows just how I'm feeling during these very cautious early days of pregnancy following a mmc, 2 ICSI cycles and years of ttc naturally - of course she does, she's fallen pregnant naturally, quickly 3 times, had 3 healthy children with no complications.  She also told me during the hot spell last week that I should be grateful I wasn't about to give birth in that heat as that apparently is a killer - well you know what love I was supposed to be preparing for that!

Dory
xxx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Bless you Dory, here's someone who actually does know how you feel xxx

Lady S - loved that!!!


----------



## MissMayhem

Lady S that  post is inspired!! Every comment was spot on but the end one resonated most - yes, the infertility books: right next to baby names, how to breast feed, blah, blah and blah - so painful for us yet, evidently, perfectly acceptable!!   xx


----------



## scribbles

When you lose your baby in the first trimester and all you get is:

Well it was very early (so it doesn't matter that my precious baby is dead then? The baby who I loved from the moment I saw that second line, couldn't wait to meet, who was going to grow up, fall in love, have ambitions and happiness. But because it was an early miscarriage, all that doesn't matter and it's all insignificant?!!!)

At least you know you can get pregnant (great so I know I can get pregnant and that my baby dies as soon as I am?!! What good is knowing I can get pregnant when all I want is my baby in my arms)

It was just a hiccup, something was obviously wrong with the baby (or maybe it was my body killing the baby?! Maybe there was nothing wrong. Who cares what happened, just let me grieve for my baby)

It wasn't like a proper baby, you were only 6 weeks (before I punch you in the throat, my baby had a heart, it had a soul, it wasn't some single cell amoeba.)


----------



## Haydan

i felt some of those things after my failed IVF and i didnt even get a BFP - i fell inlove with my embryo as soon as it was put back in me - that was a part of me and my husband - fertilised - living and inside me - i was devastated by the loss of my little embryo.

i cant imagin the pain you feel after getting a BFP and for people to play it down or try to find a silver lining when you should be allowed to grieve is so unbelievably inconsiderate and something that wouldnt happen in other situations.
and when they say 'well it was too early for it to be a formed baby' and yet people dont refer to it as an embryo scan do they! its a baby scan - as soon as you go for that first scan its called a baby! 

ive never thought the whole "well atleast you know you can get pregnant" phrase would be helpful and that was before i experienced IF - now i know for certain its not helpful - if i ever suffer a misscarriage i wouldnt give a s**t - my aim is to have a baby not to 'just get pregnant'!!!

i remember reading on one of the other threads a womans colleague actually said "when you 'thought' you were pregnant" after she had miscarried! WTF!

sorry for the long post when im not even really talking about myself - it just gets me so mad that people dont take miscarriages as seriously as they are!

Love and hugs to you all xxx


----------



## MissMayhem

Big   to you scrbbles xxxx


----------



## SWGirl

Oh,  the stupid things that people say,  you have to laugh at some of them.  I've heard most of these also,  some of them many many times.  This thread is hilarious.

'My friend's husband only has to look at her and she's pregnant'.  What?!  They must have sooo many kids!  Turns out they have two or three and they've been together fifteen years.

'Neither of my kids were planned'. When clearly they were.  One was conceived the month after getting married and the next one was a couple of years after that.  

'I got pregnant by accident'.  Oh my god!  You accidentally fell on him.

'Could you use donor sperm?/could you use a surrogate'.  I'm sure if that would help the consultant would have suggested it.  If you want to know what the problem is just ask.

'Just relax,  It'll happen when you least expect it'.  You mean like on my ninth round of treatment.

'Why don't you just adopt'.  JUST adopt!  Just like that!  Err because it takes time.  During which  I'll be quizzed about whether I was really ready to move on from treatment and it would probably be noticed that I wasn't. In the meantime I won't be getting any younger so I think I'm doing things in the right order for us.  

'Your turn next'.  Probably not.  I joined the queue about ten years ago,  keep missing my turn.  

'Are you going to have another one?'. Since you know about the treatment, you must mean am I going to try for another.  

'You're at your most fertile just after you've given birth'.  Nope,  not me.

'The problem is that women are trying to have children too late'.  Hasn't this happened throughout history?  A lot of young couples also need treatment.  There are so many different reasons for infertility.  

... And don't get me started on the clangers about funding.... Oh my goodness....

'If people can't afford IVF then they can't afford to raise children'.  makes sense then not to drain us of so much money nine months before the child arrives.

'Why should tax payers pay for other people to have children'.  Err because those couples are also paying their taxes,  helping to pay for everyone else's kids to go to school and paying for other peoples kids to have medical care etc.  Why not complain about your taxes  going towards all the drunks in A&E on a Friday night instead.  

I must say that I think peoples attitudes have generally greatly improved over the years though regarding funding.  There has been some good awareness raising on the subject I think.  

Oh the odd things that friends and colleagues say though.


----------



## SWGirl

And one from work colleagues unaware of the treatment:  'You don't want to sit in that chair'.  Trust me.  If I 'accidentally' become pregnant from the chair,  you won't hear me complaining.  

The one about there probably being something 'wrong' with the baby is so thoughtless.  How is that meant to make someone feel better.  I know someone that had four miscarriages and discovered she needed to take aspirin to hold her pregnancies.  Quite a few people said that to her.  One of her children was born with downs syndrome.  She light heartedly joked with me afterwards about how stupid their statement was as there was something 'wrong' (and please don't take that the wrong way,  of course she completely loves him) with him and he was fine.  The problem was her blood/need for aspirin.  Why would people think you would grieve the loss of a disabled child any less anyway?  That statement is just so thoughtless if it's said with the intent to try to make someone feel better.


----------



## scribbles

Some people are just idiots!! My miscarriages were in 2005 and those comments still make me angry!!!! I'm 7 weeks pregnant from ICSI and praying so hard for my little miracle!! We saw two sacks yesterday but only saw one heartbeat, we think my other beautiful embryo was a victim of vanishing twin syndrome. I'm obviously elated for my little fighter but still sad about my other little one. I tried telling my husband but he said that I'm never happy!!!!! Think I'll keep my feelings to myself!!!!


----------



## Pudding34

Even our other halves don't always get it do they!

I voiced my fears that our current cycle will not be successful and how scared I am about it to my DH last night, hoping for some supporter worst case just a cuddle! he said don't worry, you have to be positive! And that was it, conversation over!

Really, so just stop worrying! Okay I'll give that a try! It hadn't occurred to me before!

Be positive, another alien concept to me! Ill just conjure that from nowhere them and the cycle will magically work! Wish I had known that on the last two cycles that must have been where I was going wrong!

It's so condescending! 

I need to talk about things and DH really doesn't, although he uses a million words to say yes to a simple question at times, ask him about feelings or something serious and you may as well try opening a bank vault with a feather!

Being different to each other is sometimes good for us as a couple but right now it's really not helping me in my crazed, hormone induced, scared state!

Thank god for this site! without it I would have gone ga ga already!

Pudding
X


----------



## Haydan

> 'I got pregnant by accident'. Oh my god! You accidentally fell on him.


Lmao! &#128516; that's sooo funny!


----------



## Look on the bright side

Hey ladies, I've already posted in here but due to utter stupidity I've had to do it again...
So after a visit from DH's family, his mum and sister made the usual statement of "You guys should hurry up and have kids". Now bear in mind that they are all fully aware of our situation and know that we are currently waiting to be referred for IVF, but still choose to tell us to "Hurry up"... as if this would make any impact on our situation. Anyway, believe it or not, this was not the stupid thing they said that day. 
After sarcastically suggesting that if they want  us to "hurry up", they could always contribute to our IVF, the response I got was:

"WOULDN'T IT JUST BE EASIER AND CHEAPER FOR YOU TO GO TO AFRICA AND PICK UP A BABY FROM THERE"

Yes you read that right.. their suggestion was to go to Africa! I'ts that simple ladies, why waste time with treatment when we can all just go to Africa and choose a baby! It must be that easy with no strings attached!

I thought I have had some ridiculous comments made to me in the past but this one really takes the stupidity biscuit!!


----------



## bailey434

W.O.W Hopeful, can't believe I just read that!! WHAT THE HELL are people on?? I'm sat here just shaking my head in disbelief!!


----------



## Butterfly1984

I haven't replied to many of these forum chats before but I had to reply to this one. Partly because some of them made me really giggle  but other comments are shocking and make me so mad!

Hopeful87 - I can't BELIEVE they told you to hurry up knowing what you are going through .... and then tell you to go to Africa to pick up a baby! 
I don't know how you held it together!

We always get comments like "Why haven't you had a baby yet" 
"Think positive"

The best is when they say "It will happen its the most natural thing in the world"

Erm no its not...my baby will be made in a lab haha far from the most natural thing in the world!!!

Wish we could just tell  people to p*ss off  

x


----------



## SWGirl

I've just remembered another one that literally left me in shock at the time.  A friend of mine came along to a FF support meet-up back in 2004,  just prior to my first round of treatment.  She glanced around the table,  looked a bit confused and then leaned over and whispered to me with a tone of surprise in her voice 'They all look really normal'.  WTF!!!!!!!  What did she expect?  What did that say about her views on me? I consider myself to look normal albeit somewhat vertically challenged.  Did she expect to find everyone crawling around the floor or something or rocking in the corners?  Fortunately we were in a noisy-ish pub so I'm pretty certain no-one heard.  Clearly there was less awareness about infertility back in 2004.  I call these sort of mindless comments from friends/partners 'friendly fire'.


----------



## Pudding34

SWGirl "friendly fire" is a great description!

They mean well and we know they love us really but they can't help but let those bullets fly and don't even realise they are doing it either!

Pudding
X


----------



## Grinny

Here's another phrase I hate, "Im sure it/ll be ok" - yeah maybe it will maybe it wont. but hearing it doesn't help because I'm the one that has to live with it either way!


----------



## sophiekh

i've had - why dont you just have a test tube baby ??
The usual suspects:
go on holiday - yes I have, the local NHS hospital for countless ops and appointments
relax
it will happen - ok mystic meg
it wasnt meant to be - because im a bad person?
so and so had ivf and it worked first time 
be patient - because i havent for the last 6 years?
be grateful - yes i am but I would also like a family so if that seem ungrateful to you

I hate it when pregnant people complain about everything - i.e. as in me being infertile is a good thing


----------



## Grinny

Here's another good one I just remembered....

There a 4 women pregnant at my work and after I got back from sick leave from my _infertility surgery_   after having two miscarriages.... I got an email saying dont worry, I really hope everything is on the end and you can meet up with us in our baby club in the spring.

Oh yes, exactly what I need to be reminded of the fact that I was in the club until I miscarried and that I am still not in the club and just by calling it a club you have excluded me hugely from everything....

I know it came from a good place but I did have to laugh.

My best friend though she is always spot on with her words - always nails it, never gets it wrong. She never says anything, just listens and then says, I know you know this but your going to have to be brave and Ill be here to be brave right with you." Perfect. She's a gem!


----------



## Dory10

Oh Grinny your friends sounds so lovely!


----------



## Grinny

I know Dory - I'm so lucky )


----------



## MissMayhem

God Grinny you did so well not to erupt at that one!  Beggars belief that it can come from a 'good place' yet be sooooo insensitive at the same time!  My pg colleague just confided in me that she's really worried this time (3rd child total accident) because she's so old and so many things can go wrong, it's so different from when you're pg in your twenties isn't it...............ah, sorry, no opinion on that one as it's NOT really something I know very much about, oh, and there's ten days between us, so thanks for reminding me how 'old' I am, hadn't realised that so a reminder was really necessary!!   xx


----------



## NatW

Oh this thread has really tickled me! I'm sitting here crying with laughter at some of these!

We have been TTC for over 13 years so believe me when I say I have heard them all. I can't get offended though as I know that most of the time people are just grasping for a nice thing to say and they come out with some of the most insensitive comments you can think! I think because IF is 'unseen' it makes it so much more difficult for people to relate. 

However despite all this, I do have one story to share that did leave me incredulous and quite upset...

I was out with my 4 (incredibly fertile) SILs for one of their birthdays when the talk inevitably turned to children, pregnancy and childbirth (believe me, I've had to grow an incredibly thick skin when they have 11 children between them!) and one of my SILs says 'I don't believe people who say that giving birth was the best day of their lives. It's horrible!' Well I very politely disagreed and said 'Well if it ever happens to me, I can assure you it WILL be the best day of my life'. 

xx


----------



## bearacus

what a great thread  Cannot believe the things people come out with.

My Mum " well IVF means you ll definitely have twins.. How amazing will that be " oh mum I love you but your crazy  

My sister "good things come to those who wait"  bearing in mind Ive been trying for the last 4 years. Im obviously not good enough to be a mum yet   

My best friend "not ovulating properly is easily sorted .... people have babies with limited eggs" definitely friendly fire and trying to be positive but missing the mark completely. 

bearacus x


----------



## bailey434

Bearacus I had a similar one from my sister (who got pregnant on the first month of coming off the pill....) who said 'well you want to make sure you only have one put back in because just think if you had twins....it would be like a ready made family....!'  eeeerrr yes, a family is kind of what I'm aiming for actually.... 
xx


----------



## newton79

aye,
i
have had a few of them in the past, children are a gifn not a right!!!! yeak ok coz somehow im a bad person? smackheads and people who bully hurt and abuse their children do deserve them?


----------



## bundles

I've just found out that the nightmare anti-social, single, non-working etc neighbour is expecting her 3rd child. Oh, 3 different dads, she's in her 20's and neither of her 2 existing children live with her. Please don't get me started     
xx


----------



## Dory10

I came out of EPAU on Monday and was waiting outside because it was chucking it down and DH was bringing the car around, there was me and another lady waiting, she had a good sized bump, then another lady with a huge baby bump walked out of maternity and sparked up a ***, right there next to us.  I 'humfed' and walked back inside to wait behind the doors as did the other pregnant lady.  Some people don't realize how lucky they are to be that far along in a pregnancy.  Not only was she putting her baby in danger but every other lady's as she stood in the EPAU/maternity entrance puffing away


----------



## sophiekh

And I thought I was the only one with these insane thoughts....!


----------



## Pudding34

Dory  one of these days I would love to tell one of these ignorant morons exactly what I think of them!

Pudding
X


----------



## Dory10

Pudding - we could all go around in slogan t-shirts, righting the world, I would love to have pulled it out of her mouth and squashed it in the floor in front of her!


----------



## Pudding34

Dory

I am right there with you Hun!

So here is a million dollar idea! Slogan shirts that you can change by flicking a switch!

If you see a pregnant woman smoking, flick the switch and it says "Stop smoking pregnant, ignorant, ungrateful moron!"

If somebody says something insensitive about say the ethics of ivf, flick the switch to say "You know nothing about it so perhaps educate yourself before you say stupid things that are wrong and hurtful!"

Really there are tons of possible slogans, I think it's a wonderful idea and will look into it! 

Pudding
X


----------



## bundles

Puds I think you have a Dragon's Den winner right there        I'd buy one !! 
I 'invented' a changeable sign for my car which could flash up various comments, my fav being 'Use your f***ing indicators, they're not fashion accessories'  and another being 'do you actually know what the National Speed Limit means ??'
xx


----------



## Wisp

What really gets me about women who smoke while pregnant is the fact that they just spark up in front of everyone and don't even seem to think there is anything wrong with it at all or that anyone will think it isn't okay!! Either that or they just don't care what people think! It feels so unfair that people who choose to do that can have a baby when all of us are struggling!

The other thing I find hard is women who continue to drink alcohol while pregnant...Valentines Day this year my DH took me out for dinner and just our luck we got sat on a table right next to a couple who were having baby, the woman, who had a lovely big baby bump, sat and drank two large glasses of rose wine during the meal, while I had....you guessed it, nada!! Grrr.

Bundles are you serious about that sign?!! I have said to my DH so many times I want a sign like that for my car, hee hee!! Is it just me or do people just not indicate anymore?! That really gets to me!


----------



## Pudding34

Wisp

Years and years ago a friend of a friend came to our local bar when 7 months pregnant, she had a large bump and it was a very crowded pushy lively sort of bar so not only was it physically not a good idea she was also drinking red wine and claimed her doc had told her red wine was good for her! WTF

Anyway when it was my turn to buy a round I said to her I wouldn't buy her another alcoholic drink, I was happy to buy her a soft drink but I wouldn't get her red wine, she followed me to the bar and tried to cosy up to me saying oh you know one won't hurt I just turned away as she had clearly had way nor than one! I went home after that drink as I couldn't sit there and watch her do that to her baby!

The baby was born fine as far as I know but I don't keep in touch with her or our mutual friend!

Looking back now I wish I had been more ardent however I don't think shaming her more would have worked!

Makes you so angry when we give up so much just to be in with a chance to conceive and others just sail on doing whatever they want and it all turns out just fine doesn't it!

Oooohhhh Pudding calm down! I'm on my 2ww now so need to stay chilled, I'm thinking hard about everything I put in my body and would never dream of drinking whilst on the 2ww let alone pregnant!

Life isn't fair is it!

Pudding
X


----------



## Wisp

Pudding, yes it so unfair! 

That's awful, good for you for sticking to what you believed in and not buying her that drink! Poor little baby, glad it seemed to be okay though. 

Good luck with the 2ww wait, it's so hard isn't it! I think back to when I was younger and on the pill, always knowing when I would get my period, taking two packs in a row if I didn't want a period one month and not thinking a thing about it at all, I had no idea about ovulation, CM, any of this!


----------



## mango8

My favourite is 'Have you tried not thinking about it?' Ohhhhh! Why didn't I think of that, so that's the magical cure is it, not thinking about it?  Well, how about you try not thinking about this fork I'm about to jab in your eye!!!   

Coming in a close second is 'Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. My Husband only had to look at me and I got pregnant'. WTF!

Why is it that as soon as you share very sensitive, intimate information with someone regarding how you've been TTC for years and have had lots of medical procedures to help you, they feel the need to tell you how long it took them and 99% of the time it happened the first time they tried or by accident. 

I'm really happy when someone tells me they are pregnant. It gives me hope.  I just can't stand the insensitive people who don't have the common sense to stop talking.


----------



## MrsPG

My mum drives me insane with this one "it'll be your turn soon!" Fuc k off! I JUST told you about a third failed IVF, my husband and I are trying to get our heads around the fact that it might NEVER happen, I don't need empty promises that you have no control over! 

I swear people get some sort of infertility Tourette's and HAVE to say everything that comes into their head, with no filter!


----------



## Pudding34

Infertility Tourette's! That so true!

Pudding
X


----------



## Karhog

Sadly following 20 years TTC and treatments I have heard all of these clangers. ( mostly from family and friends) 
Over the years I stopped telling people when we were having treatments so I didn't have to deal with their condescending comments. 
As I got older, still childless I then had to deal with people asking if I just don't like children.....as to why I hadn't had one yet! 
Finally gave birth age 42 following dd, and even now I've had two family members who are aware of our situation tell me how fertile I must be now....one even said to check I wasn't pregnant when I had a sickness bug!


----------



## scribbles

Got a kick out of one really stupid comment the other day (from a midwife no less!).

I was at a uni lecture and was chatting to a couple of women and I mentioned that this pregnancy was an IVF cycle. The midwife said "well you're at your most fertile after IVF so you won't need it again!" I then to great pleasure informing her that it's both me and DH who have fertility issues so we will need it again!!! She shut up after that!! 

Why does everybody think it's always the woman who is infertile?!!


----------



## Dramaqueen88

What a great thread, nice to find a place to vent and laugh at all the idiotic comments passed on!

I have had quite a few of the comments mentioned...one of the worst was from a fellow IUI-er! When I knew we would definitely need treatment I turned to her for advice and got bombarded with comments like- are you doing it right, you are young it may still happen (ummm not when my DP has NOA  ) just relax....

You would think after going through TX herself she would be a bit more sympathetic!!!!


----------



## MissMayhem

I saw some fab links to picture quotes about infertility, can't paste the pics here though but here are some I would LOVE to retort with some day....

'You understand my infertility?  Oh because your best friend's brother's wive's sister's hairdresser's neighbour went through it too!?!?!'

and...

'Wow, lucky me!  Infertility AND your stupid comments!'

and...

'Oh, my infertility posts make you feel uncomfortable?  Let me just get back to those nonstop pictures/posts about your pregnancy/baby/children.'

and...

'Offering up your own kid for my infertility makes me want to throw your kid out the window!'

my current favourite...

'When you say everything happens for a reason, don't be surprised when I slap you in the face.  It happened for a reason.' 

and my 'personal' favourite (said to me on a quite regular basis by no less than my own DH)

'You're not infertile, nobody has said you're infertile, don't be dramatic.' (Because our 'alleged' infertility is of the delicious 'unexplained' variety!

The more touching one I saw though was this....

'Struggling with infertility is like dealing with the five stages of grief every single month.  You deny,bargain, get angry, cry, accept.  Then start all over again.'

Obviously feeling a tad angry today, as you can possibly tell!  Venting is good sometimes!  Hope they've helped some of you vent some of the pent up stuff too.xx


----------



## bombsh3ll

I hate all comments along the lines of being "at your most fertile after IVF", of which I have had many  .

I have had to give more than one health professional a basic anatomy lesson & point out that IVF is unlikely to have caused me to magically sprout a new pair of healthy fallopian tubes!

B xxx


----------



## Shoegirl10

one fellow IVFer told me "i had to be in it to win it" I got so angry each time I heard this and explained everytime I am "in it to win it" it costs me £8000!!! 

I find  that once people who have had IVF and come out the other side are actually the most irritating ones as if it gives them the right to preach or better still boast even more!

I always want to remind them "remember where you were a year ago...."


----------



## scribbles

Rome - I'm on the other side now and rapidly losing my sense of humour with fertile mums whining/boasting about how they gave birth to their sprogs, baby wearing, bed sharing, breast feeding and I've lost a few friends telling them to get their head out of their backsides and get over themselves!!! We will be forever surrounded by imbeciles!!! 
Nobody, other than everyone on here, understand how worried we are every single day. I bought a Doppler to listen to the heart beat at home and got told I should "just relax" (there's that phrase again) and that I'm harming my baby by worrying! A swift reminder of two miscarriages, an abortion following sexual assault, two years ttc, one failed ivf cycle and 1 successful cycle have left DH and I a little bit traumatised!!! And we are lucky compared to many!!


----------



## Shoegirl10

I so understand and I am so sorry for what you have been through  
The fertile mums who cant afford to have children also do my head in!!!
I am a teacher and I am always seeing parents who don't deserve to be parents


----------



## carrie lou

I'm on the other side too and in my experience you never quite fit in with the other mums once you have known the pain of infertility.


At one toddler group that I used to take my son to, there was this woman who had two teenage sons and then a toddler daughter who was an "accident". She took great delight in telling the rest of us mums at every opportunity how devastated she was when she found out she was pregnant with this little girl, how she was never wanted etc. All of this in full hearing of the child herself. I could barely restrain myself from slapping her. Hard.


----------



## Shoegirl10

To be honest I don't think we ever fit in with those kinds of mums! I had one friend (not anymore a friend) call me a snob as I was doing IVF privately! and that I should dot it on the NHS - this was 2 weeks after my 3rd miscarriage! If it were not for her (smelly)children I would have told her where to there and then but as it so happens I took it and left and have not looked back since to that friendship  
xx


----------



## carrie lou

My own mum told me on the day of my egg collection last year that she "didn't approve of private medicine"   Well it's not as if I had a choice, if we wanted another child we HAD to go private otherwise it would never happen! (The nhs will not fund treatment if you already have a child). People should think before they open their traps!


----------



## Teeinparis

My fav was going over to a friends house when visiting my mum in Can - mentioned that it didn't just happen for us and starting ivf.  She said 'don't know what I would do if I didn't have my three and were your age.  You sure you should, you will be 36 and then in your 50's when they are teens so just won't understand them'

I was 34 and a few months at the time!!! 

My fil - when we said we were seeing friends and their ivf 7 year old - oh is he alright?  Like healthy and stuff?


----------



## scribbles

I'm a firm believer that some people just need a good, solid punch in the face! Haha!


----------



## Shoegirl10

scribbles:


----------



## Butterfly1984

scribbles said:


> I'm a firm believer that some people just need a good, solid punch in the face! Haha!


Hahahahaha I totally agree with this!


----------



## MissMayhem

Yep, I'm with scribbles!!  Have had three people talk _incessantly_ about pregnancy in front of me today, my cousin, my aunt and my mother. Generally my family are absolutely amazing but even they left me flabbergasted today!  Lord give me strength  xx


----------



## Dory10

Rome - I teach too and have become less and less sympathetic with whinging parents unable to come to parents evening etc before 6/7pm as their work is too important - so don't have children then if they aren't important enough for you to leave work early once or twice a year.  

I'm 16 weeks pregnant now and have a little bump on display but in the past few days 2 people have asked if this was a planned pregnancy    I filled them in, sparing no details.

Dory
xxx


----------



## carrie lou

I find that such a rude question - was it planned? I've been asked that too. In the first place what business is it of anyone else's? And secondly, what exactly are they trying to imply, that you're in no fit state to be a mother, or that this is a REALLY stupid time in your life to have a baby?   Blooming cheek of some people


----------



## Shoegirl10

I honestly believe that some people just "don't get it" and don't have the "emotional intelligence" to mind their own business or "sense the tone"
Dory10 - I find that as a secondary school teacher a lot parents "switch off" when it comes to their kids - they are no longer cute /adorable etc...

Also what annoys me are the mums on ** who insist on posting photos of their kids with food around their mouths or their high chair full of food- it isn't cute is actually disgusting 

Rant over....!
x


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## scribbles

I've had the 'was it planned' question, I couldn't believe it!! My new answer after getting fed up of being polite to a rude question is "I've been married for nearly three years but I shagged the postman while hubby was away in Afghanistan. He doesn't know yet but I'm hoping he doesn't notice".


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## mango8

I'm loving this thread!

When certain people comment that I'm not getting any younger and asking why I don't have kids yet, I've started responding by saying 'I don't like kids'. This didn't go down well to a table of 8 women all who have children. I just wanted to have some fun with them. I might as well have a laugh whilst all this is going on!


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## Shoegirl10

I actually find the "I don't like kids" the best way to get people to stop asking questions.. I think what people don't seem to understand is that it is "their (spoilt) kids" I don't like...
XX


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## carrie lou

My sister (married five years, no kids yet and no immediate plans) is so fed up with people asking when she's going to start having babies, she says she is considering telling people she's infertile when they ask.... Not sure how I feel about this to be honest!


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## Shoegirl10

it makes people feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable people don't ask questions......!
X


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## Butterfly1984

carrie lou said:


> My sister (married five years, no kids yet and no immediate plans) is so fed up with people asking when she's going to start having babies, she says she is considering telling people she's infertile when they ask.... Not sure how I feel about this to be honest!


Hmmm i'm not sure how I would feel about that either? It seems like a bit of an inappropriate thing to joke about especially when you (her Sister) are going through all of this

x


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## carrie lou

Exactly, it would almost certainly shut people up but it seems quite a callous thing to say when it's not true. I'm sure if she knew the pain of actual infertility (and I pray she never will) she would recognise it's not something to joke about like that.


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## Dory10

That's a good one Scribbles  .

Carrie, I'd find that a bit odd too but understand that she just wants to shut people up.

I can't wait until one of the little ones at work asks how the baby got into my tummy... I feel like a modern day Mary.

Dory
xxx


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## carrie lou

My son asked me the other day if I'd eaten the baby and that's how it got in my tummy   I had to give him a brief explanation of how IVF works. One silver lining, it's slightly less embarrassing than having to explain natural conception to a child


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## Dory10

Definitely    and I think children accept things far more easily than some adults who can't seem to get their heads around it xx


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## cherries

I haven't read all the pages on this thread (yet) but do like some of the ones I've read, like "was it planned" - absolutely love the sarcasm haha....

My sis asked me the other day "do you think you read too much into things sometimes?" which I totally agreed with that yes I do - it came off the back of me talking about "emotional blocks and how there is a school of thought that negative thinking can impact conception" which I got from www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk - and I also know about thoughts affecting feelings which then affects physical reactions from undergoing CBT over the last 12 months.

*But.......* then I kicked myself afterwards, when I'd been reflecting on it and she was no longer there for me to say it!! I would have also added "when you go through something like IVF, which is such a lonely, isolating and stressful experience, and/or have known/unknown issues with conceiving then of course you are going to read as much as you bloody well can about the situation (that's what intelligent/inquisitive/problem-solver types do) because the more knowledge you have, the more likely you might be able to do something about it - I mean durrrrrr <hitting head on the desk>" - ok, she has a point on the over-thinking, maybe some would have just let it go whereas I stewed over it, kicking myself about what I should have said when the floor space was mine (so to speak).

/links


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## mango8

I finally told a female relative that we've been having fertility treatment over the last 2 years and that we've moved on to IVF and I'll be having my eggs collected tomorrow. First thing she says 'Have you tried putting your legs in the air after sex?'.

FFS!!!!


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## Look on the bright side

Cherries and mango8, people are crazy!! 
Mango8 can't believe your female relative, and good luck for EC tomorrow!! xx


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## incywincy

I've had the 'is it planned?' question at work, where I'm openly gay.  I gave an incredulous stare and said 'of course'.  She then proceeded to tell me how women shouldn't work if they have children and they should stay home and bake & cook from scratch.  Don't know if she intended both me and my wife to do this.

In hindsight, I wish I'd answered something like 'well actually, no and I don't know who the father is but don't tell my wife'.


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## Teeinparis

That is so funny - I would ask if you or your wife should just toss a coin to see who gives up work with a smile   Failing that say - are you trying to get rid of the token lesbian ?  And here I always thought you had a crush on me.  lol.


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## carrie lou

Haha, Incy Wincy that's priceless! Can you just imagine their faces


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## violeta

This thread has cheered me up so much! My best best friend has dropped some real clangers. I can talk to her about ANYTHING  - apart from this. She just doesn't get it. She believes in fate, whereas I don't (and she knows this). When I poured my heart out to her she said "it will happen in the most beautiful natural way, just remember how you wanted to get married and then he proposed". Yes, because it is EXACTLY the same as that. She has also suggested that we have sex on the kitchen table after a night out on the tiles. And the classic "relax and it'll happen" comment. I also told her about an argument that me and my husband had about him refusing to take vitamins to try and help and she said "my love you know I have a completely different opinion about this" - basically I had said I was sick of it just being me taking supplements every day, peeing in a pot every day for a week and then wondering about every single twinge in the lower abdomen only for my heart to break and that hubby should try something too ... and yet she still came back with "it will happen so naturally". 

I had to tell her "well if there is something wrong with me and/or hubby, then all the relaxing in the world won't fix wonky hormones/broken ovaries/low sperm count". I know she means it well but I can't talk to her about it. She regularly messages me with "how's the getting pregnant going?" which I am planning to ignore from now on because I can't take messaging back "well, still not!" and her replying with "it will happen soon". 

Whew, feel better after that rant!


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## mjnbr82

Ladies!

Thanks SO much for making me laugh for the first time in ages.

Thank GOODNESS I'm not the only one who's had to endure the unhelpful comments from others. Why do people say such stupid things to us when we are TTC.

My fave is ... 'Why don't you give yourself a break from treatment for a while, it will do you the world of good' ... It makes me so cross I can't even begin to explain why. With every failed cycle ... 4 so far... It makes me more & more desperate to try again ASAP so NO A BREAK WILL NOT HELP!!!
;-)
Xx


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## Look on the bright side

Hi ladies,

Just thought i'd tell you about a stupid comment a colleague of mine said today. She brought up my IVF treatment at lunch (thanks for that) and says "If your IVF works, then not only would you have a baby, but you will also be able to have unprotected sex". She then proceeded to tell me that unprotected sex with my partner would be better because we wouldn't have to buy condoms all the time....

Umm... If me and DH are using condoms whilst having sex, I think I had better cancel my current IVF cycle and just take the damn condom off!! lol What a doughnut!


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## Haydan

seriously! she thinks youre still having unprotected sex?? wtf!


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## aRainbow

No one in work knew we were have fertility treatment but knew we are getting married next year. When i announce my pregnancy last week, they're all asking me whether it was a surprise/accident. How offensive can you get?!?!?!?!? Of course this baby is planned....unlike half of yours!!! So annoying


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## MissMayhem

It's been a long time since I dipped into this thread. Happily it still makes me laugh! I've been off work, unofficially with depression officially with stress, tor two months. When my 40th birthday was looming a few weeks back and I didn't feel like doing cartwheels and having a party even my own (AMAZING I might add) mother told me it was 'about time' I 'snapped out of this'! I had been holding all my emotion in for over three years at that point but, needless to say, completely erupted! I've had a (pregnant accidentally on her third child) colleague the same age txt me and say '40 is a time of reflection isn't it!'. Uhhh, well actually I have kind of been reflecting on the fact that I've failed miserably in my most important dream since I was 33, 34, 35, 36...... so thanks for that. I also love how a woman a year older than me, who is a grandmother to four, insists on telling me when there's a queue of people behind me that I want to 'get a move on!' as my mother is so wonderful and will make an amazing grandmother so 'what's wrong with you!?' When I said next time she asks I'm going to tell her "well actually there's nothing 'wrong', other than the fact that me and my husband have been trying for the past six years, enduring horrendous treatment, negative attitudes from his ex who sets his daughter up against us by telling he she won't have as much 'attention or money'. Nothing that getting into debt and spending thousands and thousands of pounds on acupuncture, reiki, reflexology, vitamins, supplements, scans operations and more emotionally gruelling treatment won't solve. Sh*t, sorry, scrap that. We already tried all that and all that happened was we got more and more spent emotionally......and financially! Damn!' But, I'm not allowed to say any of that as she is 'lovely'.....and me saying anything would make HER feel uncomfortable. Must remember that the next time I'm trying to breathe and fight back tears in front of the queue of random strangers, most of whom have about six children per bedroom. God forbid somebody else feels uncomfortable at our expense! . Ohhhh feel better already!!  xx


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## Butterfly1984

MissMayhem - It's good that you can revisit this thread and try and get things off your chest. I occasionally visit this thread as some peoples posts really make me giggle!
Sorry you have been off work feeling so down. I know how you feel it's awful and these stupid people who feel the need to comment are so irritating!
I must admit I have answered and few people back by telling them the truth - Yes it may make them feel uncomfortable but it makes me feel better and equally it may stop them opening their big mouths and upsetting other people in the future!
I have got to a stage in all this treatment when I am sick to death of trying to protect other people and not make them uncomfortable. I am now looking after number 1 and doing and saying whatever makes me feel better and cope with things. If you feel the urge to just say it then say it - whoever you are saying it to will have to deal with it - like you have had to deal with it for years.

I dont know if you are still pursuing treatment but I hope all your dreams eventually come true

xxx


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