# Not Sure Where To Start



## millie34 (May 8, 2006)

Hi all,

Well I am 38 - but feel that I am allowed to post to the 40's site as of course I aint far off.   My story - OH 44 and basically went through a vascetomy reversal for us in January.  Unfortunately without success  but we did store sperm during the operation which is frozen and stored at the UCH - his count was extremely high and of good quality.  Now I don't want to travel into London every day - so we are thinking of opting for the Chiltern Missden - which another friend of mine has already used for fertility treatment.    (Sorry this going to be long winded).  Me - IM TERRIFIED of the treatment - I am not sure until I make the appointment with the consultant what they will suggest - whether frozen sperm can be used for IUI or whether or not it will be used for IVF or ICSI.  There are the time issues, my age, my worries and of course the real worry that it won't work - my OH has children from a previous marriage - I don't however its so important to him for us to have a child of our own.  Im worried about what it will do to our relationship as well.  Basically I could do with some advice from the ladies of what to expect!    I dearly would love a child of our own - and I am sure that what I am feeling (mixed with some excitment I must add) is normal - but any advice of what to expect and whether or not I am being normal would be greatly appreciated.


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Millie,

First off, yes your feelings are perfectly normal !!!!  IF is such a daunting process with lots of highs, lows, and worries but the drive to hold that baby of your own in your arms is something which spurs us all on...even though sometimes it feels like the world is against you !

From what you have said about your situation the consultant may well decide on IUI for you.  Honestly, the proceedure is very simple and very like having a smear test.  If you use stimulation drugs the nurses will explain everything to you and once you get used to the injections you will become a 'pro' before you know it !  If IVF is the route...again, all the drug regime will be explained to you before hand...I know it is a scarey thought about all the possible drugs and needles but you WILL manage them...and we are all here for you to offer support if you need it ! 

I just want to wish you lots of luck with your tx when it does begin and hope that it wont be too long before you get the baby you are both longing for !

  to you xxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Millie,
I was terrified of the treatment too, didn't think I would be able to do the injections. The fear of the treatment is far worse than the reality. It really is not that bad physically, and you get used to the invasiveness of it. Dropping your knickers and discussing all sorts of intimate details will become second nature. It is the emotional side that is the worst part. I am sure you will cope fine, we all do. just keep the goal in mind, and it will all be worth it if you are successful.  You must THINK POSITIVE ! 

Make the appointment with the consultant asap, don't waste time like I did (in my naivity). Keep an open mind as to what he will suggest. As Hollysox has said, they may go down the less invasive iui route first, but this will depend on if you have blocked tubes and the quality and quantity of the sperm. GIFT may also be a consideration. 

Good luck !


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Millie

Like the others have said, the thought of the physical treatment is far worse than the reality. I was terrified by the thought of it too (not to mention the "what if it doesn't work?"), got myself into a right state about things and delayed starting treatment for a couple of years which was not a good idea at my advanced age.  But once I finally got started, it was surprisingly OK. The emotional side is far harder to cope with, but, as Lorri says, keep the end goal in mind at all times.  As for relationships, well, I'm sure different couples have different experiences but my experience was that it brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger (even if there were some hair-raisingly hormonally-challenged moments on my part along the way   ).

Take the plunge and go and see the consultant as soon as you can. You will know what your options are then and can start making decisions.  

Good luck

Ellie


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## larkles (Jun 29, 2005)

Hi Millie  

Just to let you know that we had our first DE (donor egg) treatment at the Chiltern Hospital in Great Missenden, after all our treatments (there have been many) this was the 1st hospital that didn't treat us like cattle, the nurses were fantastic and told us to ask them at any time if we didn't understand anything and just to ask rather than feel silly in doing so-Nicky was our consultant and I couldn't recommend the clinic enough, everyone is over accommodating  

Best of luck in your journey  

Larkles
xx


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## millie34 (May 8, 2006)

Hi all, 

Lorri your comments about dropping your knickers made me roar.  I knew what you meant - well taken the plunge and we have the informal chat on the 16th September 11:30am - then will get to see the consultant after that  - so I've done it and going to keep dipping in on here - there are fab people and those that have been through it and can offer both support and invaluable advice.  Feeling much better already having read your posts and especially in relation to the Chiltern Missenden.  Going to just take each step as it comes.

Will let you know how I get on.

xxxxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Millie...That is fantastic news !!!  Just wanted to wish you tons of luck for the 16th September !


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## dukester (May 11, 2006)

Hi Millie, 

I just read your message and felt I should reply as you are in a similar situation to me . My husband also had a vasectomy reversal as he had children from a previous marriage. I also was not sure whether he wanted more children but thought he was doing it for my sake. When I saw the pain he went through after the post op I knew not only how much he loved me but he was doing it for both of us and I am sure your o.h is the same. 

You say your O.H had his reversal done in Jan and it has not worked , our cons said it can take 18- 24 months for it to work as it is delicate down there !  Don't worry about the treatment just take it one stage at a time and my advice is don't let it take over your whole life ! That is easier saying than done because there are times when you donut feel great but you have F.F. and your O.H 

Best of Luck 

Dukester.


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## millie34 (May 8, 2006)

Thanks for your response bubbles it does sound like we have a similar background indeed. 

18-24 months thats interesting but I think because we had no sperm whatsoever its kinda why we decided to go another route and the consultant said if there was absolutely nothing then not to wait - because I am 38 - strange one eh - it would be great to conceive on the Fertility and to have one by accident at a later date.  But hey we have a long road ahead.  We are off to the clinic tomorrow very nervous but going to take one step at a time.  I would like to start a treatment before the end of the year - so that's that part decided.


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## trooney (Sep 26, 2006)

Hi Millie 
I have just come across your post and thought i would reply to you as your story is very similar to mine.
My partner also had a reversal 3 years ago but no sucess. We were never asked if we wanted sperm frozen and it took us another 2 years to have sperm retieval due to nhs waiting list for infertility clinic.When we finally got there we were then told that all our treatment would have to be private as partner had 2 children from previous marriage. 
So Millie when this all started (from referal for reversal op) i was at the age of 35 / I am having just now having my first cycle of icsi at the age of 39. The hospital has only offered us icsi as they say it is better.
I have been given Berserlin and Menepur. I too like youself was very frightened about this ivf situation but stumbled across this website 3 days ago and have chatted to several people in the chat room. I can honestly say that they have answered all my concerns and have helped me understand things more than the clinic has. I think it is due to the fact that they have been through this many times and people are all on different medications and experience different things/ so i am sure if you went on and had a chat this would relieve you of some anxiety.
I also understand how you feel as my partner has his children and i have non (same situation as yourselves). Your feelings are normal. I often have thoughts that because me and my partner have not experienced having a child together that his feelings would be less for me as i am not the mother of his children. This i know is down to my insercurities and not his. I also know deep down that my partner has huge feelings of guilt because he had a vasectomy.(he wishes he could turn the clock back).If i were to be honest it has been my partner who has been more positive than me about this ivf.(this is because i have been fightened).
Now i am on the road for icsi and i know it is early days/ i do not feel as scared as i have been for the last 3 years.(i know that that seems stupid but i am being honest) 
So I wish you good luck all the way. and i hope you both have sucess.


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