# Hey....new, putting off posting, but needing some support.....



## nicnacnoo (Jul 29, 2009)

Hello all,

Been signed up for a while, but until now, only read and taken hope, but tonight feeling in need of understanding and support.

I am 30 (well 31 in 3 days!!!), husband 35.  I have had ongoing gynae probs for years, known endometriosis and pain, but more recently diagnosed with PCOS also.  
But totally out of the blue asked to give a sample from my husband, and was told he has oligozoospermia.  
Gutted, totally gutted.  
We are on the road to treatment, awaiting funding, though I feel they have not really told us anything!!!  It still feels like guesswork.  Luckily one of my best friends had ICSI, successfully, so she has been a great support.  I really thought I was doing well, but it seems every other week, one of my best friends tell me they are pregnant!!  I would NEVER wish for it not to be, in fact I am ecstatic for them, but, I would be a total liar if I said it doesn't cut me up.  I am congratulating them, but at the same time fighting back tears. 
I just dont know who to turn to, who to talk to, and who would understand.  I guess I sound like a resentful selfish person, and I am so sorry if I do, I just need to tell someone how I am feeling.  I'm sorry.    




With love to you all xxx

with


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## Weaselwife (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi nicnacnoo,

Feel free to vent   I'm a similar age (plus a couple of years) and also have been recently diagnosed with PCOS, luckily husband is ok.  How long have you been trying if you don't mind me asking?

I used to be the same - everyone around me was having babies and I used to get really upset.  I've got myself into a mind set now so that when I feel that "feeling" about to rush over me, I stop it and think that will be me some day soon.  That puts me in a happy thought and kills the negative track.  Some days I get bad news and I have a down day, on those days maybe writing your feelings in a little book would be a good idea.

I've spent a very frustrating year, waiting for NHS appointments, not getting the scans I needed etc.  We wished we'd have turned to Private treatment earlier, but fortunate we are now receiving the medical assistance we need privately.  Our initial consultation was about £160 and worth every penny.  We can even go for NHS IVF through our clinic..and the good news is the age criteria has dropped to cover our ages group from 1st Dec.  
I don't want to slate the NHS as it's helped lots of people, but in our case we were very let down - no information, guidance...my last appointment in June I was told I was not 35 and therefore can't have IVF and they wouldnt do IUI as they can't perform the Folli tracking scans regularly enough.  I was also told to eat cheese on toast (PCOS diet recommendation = cut our carbs).  I've seen a dietician for a year, so I know everything I need to about PCOS and cheese on toast won't make me ovulate!

You say you don't know who to turn to - is your Husband supportive?  How about family and friends?

K


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

nicnacnoo and welcome to Fertility Friends 

 You are NOT a resentful selfish person at all  Every one of us here know how you are feeling hun. When someone announces their pregnancy it is gut wrenching, yes you're pleased for them but at the same time its like someone has twisted a knife in you, its completely normal to feel like this. We want the one thing which is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world and we struggle to get it, its simply not fair. I'm glad you have your best friend to talk to, but now you have us too  The more the merrier eh? 
We were in a similar situation, dh has less than one million count and i have pcos. We also had ICSI. DH totally blamed himself (found out about his count before we knew about my PCOS) and felt worthless, so in a strange way i felt 'better' because i had taken some pressure off by me having a problem too.  You may be given the option of using a sperm donor. Have they mentioned this to you already? I know its a scary thought but i'll leave you the links to have a bit of a read  We used a donor and will be eternally grateful to him. Its a hard decision to make, but we'll never look back.

Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

*Endo ~ *CLICK HERE

*PCOS ~ *CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*ICSI ~ *CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

There's also an area for the 'blokes' to get to know one another and chat (about anything and everything) if your other half is interested 
*The Mens Room ~ *CLICK HERE

Its not all just serious stuff here, you can also have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx


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## Jess2460 (Oct 18, 2009)

Just wanted to say hi- sharing how you feel on here really helps make you feel like you can talk to someone and that your not alone as you may think you are- I am starting out and feel like you do- i joined here because I was hoping posting about how I felt would keep me sane!!and it does- anytime you need to chat post away- someone is always readfing x


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## Nins79 (Oct 21, 2009)

Hi , that is one of the main reasons I joined here , my DH and myself require icsi and some days I struggle , especialy when everyone around you is pregnant or announcing it so ur def not alone , I keep telling myself that one day it will be our turn and positive thinking works most of the time ,( hey ur aloud a few of days  ) but getting how you feel of your chest always helps so go ahead type away and together we will help each other


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## Don Dons (Oct 19, 2009)

I too know how you feel.  we have been ttc for nearly 4 years, and after tests, scans and an operation, i finally got my Doctors to refer us as i'm running out of time.
I turn 40 at christmas and its taken me 5 months from intial visit to the docs,to now being accepted for NHS funded Treatment, but not where i would have liked to go so from norwich to leicester for us.
In this last 5 months, all i can see is ladies with big bellies, my hairdresser being just 6  months younger than me and now even my Bossis with child, so now i have to see one every day.  I was really happy for both of them but inside i was thinking why can't this happen to me, i'm not used to being a failure.
My fiance and i both have problems, so to be very truthful, i'm not positive this is going to work.  That is not the best situation to be in but i think that is the only way i will get through this.


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## PollyD (Oct 18, 2009)

Hi Feeling exactly the same. One friend of a friend recently had an unwanted pregnancy after one night stand- ended up with two beautiful twins. It makes me so ****** off. I'm not overly religious, but it makes me question a lot of things about the was I have been brought up. I know its stupid.


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## nicnacnoo (Jul 29, 2009)

Thank you all so so much for your kind responses, it really does help me to know that I am not alone in the thoughts and feelings that I am experiencing.  Sometimes I feel I have a screw loose with the feelings/emotions that sweep over me.  One day can feel totally normal if I am busy and refusing to allow reality into my mind, the next day that sick feeling sweeps over me.  Its so so hard, but hey, how comforting is it that we can support and encourage each other.  It means so much, so I thank you ALL, from the bottom of my heart.  I guess we'll be getting to know each other better over the coming months!!

~Thank you all, and I wish you all lots of love and luck, and hope that your dreams come true xxx


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## Nins79 (Oct 21, 2009)

Hi nicnacnoo,
Keeping busy I think is the answer I have had a couple of wks of work but gives u time to just sit and mull things over and its the worst thing to do and i've had a couple of wobbly days i just get so down , I think it's the waiting that gets to me , we could have started treatment over a year ago but can't afford to go private so are having to wait for Hampshire to change their criteria (as from 1st dec) ,no one seems to tell u anything though so u never know where u stand I dont even know if our dr has refered us as they never get back to u , most annoying thing is we only live 5 mins away from Surrey and could have gone straight on their waiting list last year , i get so wound up with the whole waiting game , sorry to moan but just needed to get if of my chest today and I suppose that's why we are all on here ,I hope you are feeling better than u were , like u say I'm sure we will all chat more over the coming months


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## nicnacnoo (Jul 29, 2009)

Hi Nins79,

Sorry you are having a tough few days, it sure is a rollercoaster of emotions.  I find the lack of information is so hard.  I am in Surrey, so guess I am lucky on that score, but didn't find our last appointment either encouraging or informative, and there was a schoolgirl on work experience sitting in the room!!!  We have our next appointment next week, so I am hoping to gain some more insight into whats ahead.
I know the waiting is really hard, but on a positive note, its almost December!!!  Small mercies I know, but we have to cling on to any we can find.
When things are tough, feel free to pm me, like you say, just getting things off your chest is a help in its own way.
Chin up honey xxx


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## Nins79 (Oct 21, 2009)

Hi nicnacanoo,

thank u it always helps when others get where ur coming from , I hope ur apt next week goes well and u get a bit more information than u have done .
We are hoping to move to surrey as dh is in the army and will get more cycles there as  we only get one here in hampshire and he is due posting next year so we've got our fingers crossed . Did u have to wait long to be seen if u don't mind me asking?
I will def take u up on the offer of pm you if thats ok and feel free to pm me any time u want lets hope we both get the happy ending we deserve take care and thank u again   Xx


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## nicnacnoo (Jul 29, 2009)

Hello again Nins79,

You are right, its good to know you can turn to someone who understands the emotions you feel.  Thank you for your kind wishes for my appt, I will update you!

My fingers are crossed your dh gets the posting you want to enable you to get into Surrey, when will you know?

My wait for an initial appointment was not too long, I will pm you to explain more.

Keep smiling xxx


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