# On my own. . . and so so sad



## emma73 (Mar 30, 2004)

HELLO - I havent posted for a while now- I was on the HFAM thread - some of you know me quite well from there. 

6 weeks ago my parnter and me split. My ex has just left today to go and spend Christmas with relatives in home city. I am on my own. Rather than Christmas shopping together and looking forward to Christmas, and the hope of a new baby next year I feel very sad and very alone. 

Our split is permanent - after months of trying to work things out we have to accept that its just too damaged. Years of fertility treatment and then the premature birth of my twins which resulted in the death of Zac and torture of watching Luke fight for his life for 15 weeks have been too much to bear. Add to that 2 failed IVF attempts since then and a division of one of us wanting another baby and the other wanting to move on its easy to see why its failed. 

I just feel such a faliure! I couldnt get pregnant, cant stay pregnant, cant keep my relationship etc. I do kow that I wont always feel like this -  but my god I wish I could pause Luke but fast forward myself to that point where I feel a little less unhappy! Life just feels like nothing but a battle - last week it was confirmed that Luke has a significant speech delay and I am frightened of the future and trying to prepare myself for MORE battles with the health professionals. I just feel like I dont have the energy. 

It just wasnt suposed to be like this. I saw an old friend yesterday who i dont see often at all and felt so depressed after she left - she was saying how hard it will be on my own, how it will be difficult to get a career, how it wont be easy to meet anyone AARRRGGGGHHHH - a bit of positivity please!!!!!

I was on the egg share scheme at darlington but havent felt up to letting them know I need to withdraw yet. It feels like closing the door on my chance of another baby. I feel really quite pathetic! 

Any words of wisdom from those with a crystal ball or heaps of positivity would be very welcome!

Emma xxx


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## Mable (Apr 9, 2005)

Really sorry to hear this Emma. It sounds like your world is crashing down around you at the moment and is very painful. Your world is not over and will feel better, but it will take a while and this is an awful time of year to be splitting up with your partner.

Try not to make any decisions about anything right now. You need to take care of yourself and your son and new things will grow out of that and you will start to feel better very slowly. 

I'll be thinking of you over Christmas.
Mable


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## Cuthbert (Oct 3, 2003)

Oh Emma, I'm so sorry to hear your news. You obviously worked so hard at your relationship and it's terribly sad that it wasn't to be. As Mable says, it's a rotten time of year to be going through this and I feel for you. And just because at the moment you feel that you haven't much hope, there's no reason why you shouldn't meet someone else. You strike me as the sort of person who will cope with all sorts of adversity and you'll find the strength to cope alone while you have to.

As for Luke's problems, try not to worry too much. Daniel has speech problems, which started as being relatively mild but over the years have changed into being quite a major problem. It really doesn't hold him back in any way - he's top of the class for maths and his teacher can understand him even though most adults can't. Luke has always been a fighter and I'm sure that he'll overcome this, especially with the support and love that you give him.

I hope that you can enjoy some of Christmas with your special little boy. Thinking of you.

Jules


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## emma73 (Mar 30, 2004)

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply - I suppose I put this post in the wrong place. . . . its just that I posted on the HFAM thread and thought people would know me from here. 

I hope you both have a very happy Chrisymas and that the new year brings you all you wish for.

EMmaxxx


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

Oh hunny sendin u big hugs                           hope that makes u feel a little better.

At lease u have ur beautiful boy i realise that dont ease the pain of wanting another baby as i have a 7 year old and i ache for another bubba and when people tell me "well lease u have your son" it makes me angry but when u really think about it we are very lucky to have a child as there are so many who dont have any. 

I just hope u have a lovely xmas with your son, thinkin of u.

Sorry to hear the loss of your angel xxxxx

Loads of love shye xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## suzy (Oct 12, 2003)

Hi Emma,

How devastating for you - I wish I could give you a big hug right how, you sound so down and overwhelmed by the future. 
As you say, its not surprising, your relationship had considerable strain, but none of which you asked for, and none of which you caused or contributed to at all.

I hope you can have some semblance of a good Christmas, I know you have family support and (? do I remember rightly), a very good mum. So little Luke will grow up with a grandma. Does your ex consider herself to be a parent to Luke and if so, will you and Luke still see her?

I know it might see bleak, but life has funny ways of turning round. YOu just have to exist at the moment, get through each day and slowly things will get better. 

Lots of love, and big hugs,


Suzy


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## Scoop (May 26, 2004)

Emma
Words cannot express how sorry I am. You have been through so much together and shouldn't have to suffer any more pain.
I hope you start to feel better soon. You have DS to be strong for.
Thinking of you at this difficult time
Love
Scoop


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## scruffyted (Jul 28, 2005)

Oh my dear Emma

I cant believe I have only just seen this post   I am so so sorry to read this news, you have been through so much already. It must be so painful especially this time of year   I have sent you a pm hun  

much love

Scruffy xx


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## encore (May 27, 2004)

emma, i've just seen this post.  i'm so sorry.  dont be concerned about offending anyone who is glad to tell you how gloomy and doomy your life is now going to be.  tell them you need to surround yourself with positive people for you and your boy's sake.  i wish you a happy and healthy 2007.  the only way is up babe.


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