# Only just brave enough to post...!



## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Hi all,
I've used this forum for some time now for advice and reassurance that I'm not the only one and also not completely crazy!   I've just had a BFN on our first IVF cycle today and wanted to move out of the shadows and start talking! 

Thank you to all of you whose advice I have read, sorry I haven't contributed more but time to change that now!

X


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## spudlin (Nov 12, 2012)

Hi hun,

So sorry you got a BFN. The ladies on here are lovely


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## Pinxy78 (Nov 2, 2014)

Hi lexiec77

It's my first time too! 

Sorry your first post isn't better news, was this your official test or a hpt? 

Xx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Thanks for the welcome ladies. It was a hpt Pinxy, 16 days after day 2 transfer of 2 excellent embies. Was so sure it had worked  

Fingers crossed for you though! When do you test?
X


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## Pinxy78 (Nov 2, 2014)

I'm 12 days today and test Friday officially, I've done 2 hpt tho and both BFN 😥. Only 1 embie made it and that was v slow, it only divided in the hour before being disposed of and the doctors were shocked, they'd told me 6 hours before that they classed that part of the treatment over and to book a review consultation. So under no illusions really but kinda hoped it was a little fighter and was going to prove us all wrong.  

Until I go for the OT not writing things off, how about you do you have to go for your OT and when is it? 

Xx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Oh gosh, I'll keep everything crossed for you Pinxy  

I'm not doing an OT, the nurses told me it was long enough post transfer for the hpt to be conclusive. Just waiting for AF now, kind of clinging on to ridiculously unrealistic hope until that happens.

I really, really hope you have good news on Friday 
Xxx


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi Lexiec77 and  

I had 4 BFNs and know how painful it is - I always found the best thing for me was to make a plan for the next step ... I've posted some threads below that may help.

Agate's guide to learning from your failed cycle - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

Our negative cycle and in-between treatment area - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=42.0

Pinxy78 - lots of   for OTD

KA xxx


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## Pinxy78 (Nov 2, 2014)

Hi lexiec77

Thanks for crossing everything, another BFN today, so 2 more sleeps till it's official either way. I'm glad I've prepared myself and the nurse has confirmed if it's the same on Friday then don't have to go to clinic. I like you will not accept it properly until AF arrives. A girl who works for me had a faint positive and then 3 blood tests which were all inconclusive as her hcg levels were so poor. So whilst not wanting to give or have have false hope I know everything is possible until AF arrives  

Thanks karenanna for the ideas to cope until next time I'm not looking until Friday tho just in case

Xx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Thanks for the info and kind words, karenanna  

Pinxy - thinking of you today, hope you're OK Xxx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

On another note (and not even sure if this belongs elsewhere), does anyone have any good resources to share with insensitive family members? My mum & sisters seem utterly incapable of saying anything that is less than hurtful and I'm desperate to give them something to read that might help them to understand the enormity of this. 

I'm worried that I'll just become less & less involved with them orherwise.
X


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Oh Lexiec I'm with you on the insensitive family front, mine are great on the material things but any kind of emotional support or understanding is just alien to them. The last time I tried to talk to my mum about how stressed I feel she said " but I know other people who can't have children and they just get on with it, why can't you?"


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## spudlin (Nov 12, 2012)

Ladies, I have given up on the whole insensitive family scenario.

I no longer tell my mum anything. One of her comments has been about funding, stating we get 3 goes on the nhs!!, er no try none as I'm now 41 and prior to that my bmi was too high!!

Another classic....It will happen, I know it will!!! Do you, really, cos our specialist can't even tell us that and with only a 1% chance with my own eggs, it wasn't looking likely!!!  

Now we are on the donor egg path there is no way I am sharing that. I will tackle that if I am fortunate enough for it to work. I can hear it now, 'ah what a shame it won't have any of our genes' grrrrr  

I am fortunate enough to have a fabulous sister in law (hubby's sis), who is always there for me and always knows exactly what to say. Thank goodness, and hooray for this forum!!


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Hi spudlin, I'm using DE to, which clinic are you at and how are you getting on?


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## butterflyinjuly (Oct 14, 2013)

I'm also with you on the insensitive family front... they try their best, they really do, but it is just alien to people unless you've been through it

I have couple of links that might help you, Lexie77: http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2004/05/how_to_be_good_.html
http://infertility.about.com/od/findingsupport/f/How-Can-I-Support-A-Friend-With-Infertility.htm

Hope it helps x

/links


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## Pinxy78 (Nov 2, 2014)

Hey ladies unfortunately OTD just gave the confirmation I've been expecting with a BFN, I'm managing to get my was around it I think I really did before ET as the Dr was very honest about our chances, just really focussed for 2nd time. I can't believe how hard it is managing other people's expectations and emotions though. I'm really honest about what's going on as everyone has wanted to be informed but my boss cried when I told her yesterday and I was fine lol. I'm glad they care tho.

On the insensitive family front..... OMG... I know people don't get it but if one more person says op soanso had Ivf and then got pregnant on her own.... My mum who I love dearly had everything explained to her actually brought me a whole 50 page booklet on how to get pregnant, maybe she thinks we're not doing it right?!? 

Rant over  . Lexiec77 are you going to try again? We've got our review on Thursday so hoping to pull a plan together, xx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Thanks for all the replies ladies, it's not just my family then  

Sorry to hear your news Pinxy, had really been hoping for a nice surprise  

We're definitely going for it again, get 2 goes on the NHS so like you, we're just trying to put all our energy into that. Have been digging around on here to research what other tests etc. we could possibly do before we start again. The frustrating thing is that everything seemed to go so smoothly, I had no bad reactions to the drugs, EC & ET were pain free, our 2 embies were top quality...there's just no rhyme or reason to it!! We've not even heard when we'll have a review but the nurse said it would be 4-6 weeks. I want answers now!!

Can't believe your mum did that (well, I can actually...my mum told me that morning sex always worked for her. Thanks mum, it's obviously as simple as doing it at the right time of day!!). Bless them, I guess they're trying??!

Hope you're taking care of yourself. Are you trying again?

Xxx


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## Pinxy78 (Nov 2, 2014)

LOL morning sex now that must be where we've been going wrong! We are definitely going to try again if we can. I coped fine with the injections and whilst ec was painful the hardest thing has been the emotional roller coaster. We stumped the Dr on ec day tho, dp has low motility but all samples were fine just not swimming the right way? But plenty and all workable but on ec day his sample was shocking and out of 4 samples only 1 sperm was moving and that was only just. The Dr asked if he'd had chemo as the change could only be due to something major but the only thing they can put it down to is a bad sinusitis infection 3 months ago as he had a really high fever for over a week, apparently that can have this affect, what we don't know is if it will get better so we need answers and tests and I'm guessing about 3 months for him to have some better swimmers, we've decided if it does improve then we will have it frozen so there is a back up for Ec day, if it doesn't then I know there is still a chance just much reduced. We are self funding icsi so have agreed if no improvement then 1 more go if things improve 2.  I think the only reason I've got my appointment so soon is as we're paying and it costs 300.

I really hope you get yours through soon and know your next steps before Christmas you can chill a little then and get yourself ready for the next one, fingers crossed as everything was straight forward that next time it works!! If it's not tmi what treatment was it? Could there be an alternative but from what you're said may be no reason to change much? 

Xx


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Hi Pinxy,

Sorry for not replying sooner, haven't been feeling too good the last few days  and throwing myself into work!
I hope you're doing OK and that your review on Thursday gives you a new plan of action!

Our treatment was bog-standard ivf, they've not found any issues with me or DP so far, everything went without a hitch and the 2 little embies they transferred were top quality, so I've been reading through Agate's amazing post about all the other things to test for and am going to ask the gp for some more tests (thyroid etc.) while we wait to see the consultant.

I'm a bit concerned about a fibroid on the outside of my uterus which they found during laparoscopy last year, but the consultants have been adamant that that should not have any impact whatsoever...who knows, maybe I'm clutching at straws!!

In the meantime, I found a nice link I'm going to send to my mum to try and help her understand all this a bit better, here it is: http://laurarahel.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/guide-to-being-friends-with-someone-who.html?m=1

Let us know how you get on on Thursday Xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

lexie i had three fibroids the largest i could feel through my belly it felt like a tennis ball, didn't impact my baby, only thing it did was make some scans harder to see. good luck.


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## Lexiec77 (Aug 22, 2014)

Thanks for that, Goldbunny, one less thing for me to worry about  

Now back to scrutinising my diet, exercise, stress levels, amount of sex (or lack thereof!)...lol!!


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## spudlin (Nov 12, 2012)

Alotbsl, 

Apologies for not replying sooner. 

We are at Manchester Fertility in Cheadle and have chosen our donor and are currently syncing cycles. We are hoping for EC second week in December, all being well. We have had to juggle around OH's work as he has to go out of the country in Dec and again in Jan, how rude of him!! 

Were are you at and up to?


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