# Opinions please - Did you "know" right away re your LOs?



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi All,
I'm hoping you can help me.
We've been waiting a year since approval and have had very few possibles from our Agency. We think weve been proactive and followed up on CWW/BMP and none of these links have came to anything Due to location/legal situation or info not being disclosed. So after attending exchange day I really felt we may need to look at singles (pref has been on siblings or possible sibling). Lots of SWs said same thing we will be waiting a while on young siblings (under 5s). 
So saw profile of a LO at exchange day that ticked a lot of boxes but had a few uncertainties. I feel due to the Los age that they uncertainties would be there anyway and no one has guarantees in adoption. So we've asked for more info.

I Always thought I would know (and have done on reading profiles that didn't come to anything). On paper the singly is right but with uncertainties.
DH looking to me to feel if it's the right one.

Sorry for rambling!

So I need your views/personal experiences if you an share thanks x x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Its  such a personal experience that I don't think you will find a right or wrong answer in this but my experience has been as follows:

The first cpr we read left us feeling deflated after having that call to say we have a child for you....everything in the report was on our list of yes or to discuss but it was the huge amount of issues that really made it feel not right.  I spent a week trying to convince myself but my gut feeling was that this wasn't the child for us.

The next cpr was totally different, I was so excited and sat in the bedroom thinking about how to decorate it before DH even got home to read the report.  This was our child   

With our 2nd child we read loads of profiles and cprs, there were a couple that would have been OK, no major niggles just little ones like slightly older than we wanted.  Most of them were from CWW and BMP so reading more information gave us a clear answer.  I was getting fed up as we were approaching 12 months of waiting and so I contacted every SW I had an email address for and enquired about every child in CWW and BMP that sounding OK.  The child I was drawn to had the biggest uncertainties out, had been tested for every genetic issue, every syndrome going and was presenting with delays but my gut feeling was she was the right child for us.  She is my gorgeous DD, came home at 14 months and flourished beyond anyones belief.  She is now 27 months and as bright as can be, there are no issues at all.

So for me, it was gut feeling both times.  However, I do know people who didn't feel like that with their children.

Every child is going to have uncertainties and its a very personal decision as to what you can deal with.  A child placed at 2 years is a very different child to what they could become at 7 years or 14 years, thats the thing, you can never be sure what you are going to be dealing with in the future.  People have adopted 'easy' babies and now have primary aged children with ADHD, ASD and attachement disorders.

It may help if you right a list of pros and cons, use your head not your heart and cover every little thing and then look at it again from as unemotional a state as possible.

Good luck
OT x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Thanks OT
I feel that should be the way I'm feeling and can't work out why as such. A list sounds so harsh but maybe what I need to focus me here
Thx again x x


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

Hi there
our 2 kids didn't feel right or wrong, there was just no reason not to pursue them. nearly 18mnths on since they came home and they are beginning to feel like ours. What I learnt is that it takes time and no one can give you that. sorry that wasn't much help, but I'm not sure if you ever know


best of luck


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Gertie, I asked this question on AUK a while ago as I was wondering the same thing! I didn't know when and how you knew if the LO was the right one until I found the right ones.

We saw several profiles, all well within our age brackets and initially we thought yeah we think we couldbe your mummy, then we felt a little stronger about a sibling group....but as we'd expressed an interest another profile came through and for us it felt completely different, we knew the second we opened the profile, I guess it's different for everyone....but for me, my heart really did tell me when it was the right one. Whether it goes our way is another question thought 

I am seeing lots of profiles, we're with a VA - are you gettig many? x


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## jrhh (Feb 6, 2006)

Hi,
Its an emotional roller coaster isn't it. We saw a few profiles too and had concerns and actually spoke to the foster carers directly before we made any decisions. I guess they help to fill in the gaps and help you decide more. I didn't have any gut instinct with our little one but am so glad we have him now    


Jacks


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