# hello all can I join you?



## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

I'm new here, but not new to the world of infertility .  Brief history trying to conceive for over 10 yrs, IUI, IVF etc years of heartache and stress, expense resulted in one chem pg, and ultimately cost me my marriage   I am now 40 yrs old and feel utterly drained of all hope.  I have been in a new relationship for a couple of years, and at first dreamed that I might have a miracle pregnancy but it was not to be. So I have done what we all try to do, and make the best of the things I do have, but theres always something niggling at the back of my mind.  Does it ever go away?  After all this time I still find it hard to believe that I am never going to have my own child. I guess we all have these moments.

Inside at times I want to shout and scream why me!! but am determined not to end up bitter and twisted (at least I hope not). I think this site is wonderful, its so refreshing to find others who understand what it feels like. 

Jane 
x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Ahh Jane I'm so glad you found us, although I'm really sorry to hear of the sad circumstances that brings you here. Sending you massive hugs  

I've known of my infertility for a long time too, 11 years its been now. Like yourself I went down the IVF route but it wasn't meant to be... and I've had more than a few pregnancy losses along the way.

Infertility is so hard to come to terms with because it affects all areas of your life and the rest of your life and its something that never, ever goes away. Life can be good without kids, but I appreciate that it takes a bit of healing to come to terms with that. And for those times when things seem to hard to bear, or those days with the bite on the bum moments - then you have us to sound off to about it.

I've not got any wise words for you, I just wanted to send you that massive cyber hug and say to you 'I know, I know...'

I hope you'll stick around with us for a while.

Love to you
Emcee x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Jane
Welcome to the thread and thankyou for finding the strength to post on here. Its not always an easy thing to do...but hopefully we can help you along the way and as you say we do have some understanding of that feeling of loss...
All i can say Jane is that you have had an extremely difficult road with the IF and as you say to top it all you lost your marriage. I hope that you have found some happiness with your new partner, because you deserve some happiness..
May i ask you a question have you discussed your feelings with him?
Does he know about your IF journey? ( i can understand of you do not want to answer those questions)..
The reason why i am asking is because you say that you have that niggly feeling and was hoping that there would be a pregnancy..?
If you can share this with him it will help to know that you are on the same path and journey?
Have you thought about any counselling?
Its a very sad and difficult road to take and learning to live with the loss of not having children is a hard tablet to swallow...i am not sure if we ever accept it, but learn to live with things?
On here we find a way to share things with each other and that really helps...and maybe you will find alot more confidence to beable to deal with the situation..
I totally understand when you say that you have been secretly hoping to get pregnant..Its hard when the reality sets in...i think its about being able to chat with our partners, be honest and also being able to share it with those that care...and we really do...
My heart goes out to you Jane....you are one strong person...
lots of love astridxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Welcome Jane- a brave move to join us.I am so sorry that you lost your marriage thru if as well as everything else.I wish you lots of luck and better times with your new relationship.

It is very hard to come to terms with it all sometimes isnt it? We are all here for you and it doesnt just have to be if issues. We moan about everything!!!  And hopefully have a few good laughs too when we are feeling upbeat!!  

Welcome honey!!


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Jane,

I'd just like to say I'm so sorry - it's all so difficult ....... plus you've had the additional heartache of losing your marriage, I can't even imagine how all of that combined stress must've felt .....

All I can say is, I hope and (I'm sure) you will find this site a Godsend - on this thread - you really couldn't find a nicer, more genuine, caring bunch of girls.  They have always been there for me, and without them, I really don't think I would have survived ......

So welcome and loads of hugs,
Look forward to chatting to you on these threads,
Gill xo


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

There's nothing I can add to what the other ladies have said Jane except that I think your stated determination to make sure that you don't end up "bitter and twisted" will see you through.

Does the niggling go away?  I find it's always there, it just varies with intensity, sometimes it a minor nearly impossible to spot niggle, some times is a humdinger niggle but, speaking personally, I've found the hundingers get less and less frequent and time moves on.

Good luck.


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## stricklands (Sep 22, 2006)

Hello all, I am new to the site, please can i join in?

I can so relate to these messages.  I am 43, TTC for 12 years, discovered I was going through a premature menopause at the age of 31- absolutely devastated and still not fully come to terms with the long term effects of this. 

Everyone else ( all family and friends ) have family and I always feel the odd one out, inadequate, isolated etc etc.  The end result being depression and very lonely.  My husband is a rock but looking for others who are in the same position as me,as I don't know anybody who is.

I have just found thsi site, along with The Daisy Network, both are a great source of support.

Thanks for reading this.
Wendy


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Wendy

I like to think of this place as a little haven amongst those who understand. Its so tough 'out there' in the world when you feel you're on your own and no-one understands. You'll find lots of support and friendship here and I'm glad you have joined us here, although sad that you have had to go through so many years of heartache.

Sending you a very gentle hug - welcome to this place sweetie, looking forward to getting to know you.

Love & best wishes
Emcee x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Wendy
I am so glad that you have found us..
I am sorry to learn that you have felt so isolated and alone for such a long time. I can only begin to imagine that lonely journey. If i hadn't found this thread website with such supportive girls, i think i would have lost it along time ago..
So i think you have been so strong to get this far, it must have been such a sad experience.
If we can be there for you in anyway...please just say...anything you want to say or express we are there. We maynot have had all the same journey, however there is always someone who has a similiar history...but most important we all understand the loss and grieving process...
Thinking of you.... 
lots of love astridxxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Ps Wendy and Jane
We are having a meet up on the 29th October...its already posted on the thread....
It maybe a good way to meet up and not to 'feel so alone' anymore...
You are more than welcome...
lots of love astridxx


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## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

Hi all

Sorry I have taken so long to reply but I have been away in London for a few days. Had a lovely time, but have come home to find one of my cats is very poorly.  We have no idea what has happened to him, I have had to leave him at the vets.  Please keep your fingers crossed he is OK.

Astrid in answer to your question, yes my new partner knows about my infertility and struggle to have children. He is very caring and sympathetic but as he has 2 children himself somehow I don't think he truly understands. Maybe I'm been a bit unfair there, but to be honest I just don't think he really gets it, if you know what I mean.  

Wendy - hello to you, I can so relate to been the odd one out. On my ex husbands side of the family I have 11 nieces and nephews and family do's always seemed to be christenings.  I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time, I'm sure at times we have all felt exactly how you feel.  Hopefully you will realise you are not alone now you have found this site. 

Thanks everyone of you for you warm words of welcome, they were much appreciated 

Jane


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Jane
I hope that your cat is feeling alot better...they are so precious to us!! i love my dog, to me she is almost human in my eyes. So i can understand your concern.
I am not in the same situation as you, but i do know of a few of my friends where their partner have children from previous relationships. I cannot make a comment just incase i say the wrong thing, but similiar comments have been raised that you mentioned......
I think that you have had a very tough journey and its sad that some individuals feel the full brunt of what infertility brings...its really claws at the deepest emotions and challenges all aspects of our lives..
What i have read about you, you sound a real strong and brave person...i am sure alot of people would not have been able to cope with what life has dished out to yourself...
You know where we are, so do not be alone....we are all still sailing on that journey and there are lots of highs and lows...thank goodness we have each other...
lots of love astridxx


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