# Abroadies Pregnancy & Parenting After Infertility - Part 17



## Myra

Welcome to your new home ladies


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## bluebell

Hi Lirac... how are you? 

Did you see my big post on the previous thread before Myra gave us our new one?  

Bloooooooooooooooobs x x x x


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## roze

Hello ladies , hope to catch up soon! Last weekend my girls were in a local paddling pool with no clothes on, today it's cold and raining non stop! Must get around to getting everyone some new wellies including some for me plus some winter clothes as have reached the bottom of the barrel now! Take care , Will post here soon but catch up on ** if you want. I dont suppose another meet up before Xmas is realistic? Xxx


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## Grumpygirl

Hi all,
So sorry to have been awol so long. Been a busy couple of months with hols to Greece for (in no particular order) our 10 yr wedding anniversary, our failed FET in June/July, preparing for and now buying a campervan for our planned travels next summer, starting a new job and of course looking after our 3 year old tearaway! Since we lost little B I've also had a couple of bouts of tonsilitis and then ear infections, the last of which was on hols in Greece (blaming all the swimming) which meant I got back from Greece with a stinky infection again and missed Sasha's wedding which I was gutted about. The pics look so lovely though and we're both really happy for you, Mr & Mrs! Not to mention our other Mr & Mrs- Roze & DH. Been a summer for it, hey? Big fat congrats all round.  Am really happy to hear that Bel is so upbeat and well recovered and I do love reading about all the littlies when I log on. It's been less frequent as I've had a summer off FF while licking my wounds and trying to decide if we ought to have any next steps or if we should leave it all behind us. Since I'm no further forward on that front as I think we're still grieving we've cheered ourselves up by nabbing our campervan and just having a bit of fun. The last ten years have been such a rollercoaster that it's nice to just do something frivolous and we're sharing it with my parents and they could do with the fun too. Zoe is growing so fast now and is properly bossy/chatty/mardy/fun/stroppy all rolled into one, as most 3 year olds seem to be. I'm enjoying my 2 days a week at school and having a bit of myself back while at the same time enjoying 2 full days with her and another to get my jobs done while she's at preschool so that we have the whole weekend for family time where possible. So, for this year I feel like we have the balance right and hopefully the rest of our plans, whatever they may be will become clear to us- or not. Am fed up of thinking about it all and planning things just for them to go so wrong so for now we're going to have some fun. 

As for meeting up before Xmas, we're not fully booked at half term yet if anyone wants to meet up, the other thought I had was that for those of us that are in the south-ish we could meet somewhere in the middle as I do with my SUK ladies. The furthest girl is in Kent and we're down here so we meet in Guildford for park play or soft play every so often. If anyone's free on a Mon or Thurday we can make most weeks given some notice, and even a Wed if I take Zoe out of preschool. I kept saying we'd get up to Brum area too but haven't managed it yet, sorry Bel!

RS Mum- Wales is on our list of places to tour so watch out, we will be in your area in the next yr or two!! The campsite you were at in your pics on ** is really close to where my friend Liz lives and looks lovely so maybe we could do a join camp out or we'll just land on you and sleep on the street! 

Got to go, but wanted to say hi and I haven't forgotten you all 
Loadsa lurve,
Giggly
xx


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## roze

Good balanced thinking as ever GG. Having fun sounds the ticket! 


Guildford good for me if anyone else fancies it. 


Thanks for all the good wishes re the wedding! I can't get used to wearing the ring at all- not sure what to do about that! 


Catch up soon,


Rose xx


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## roze

We can still communicate here- dont worry! I think you can register and log on under a pseudonym on **. 


Any preferred dates for Guildford? 



rose x


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,


How exciting, a new home!!! We'd love to join the Guildford gathering too. Let us know dates, times etc. Will post more later      .


Sasha xxx


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## Grumpygirl

Don't mind, can any of you do a Mon or Thursday or are we talking weekends? xxx


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## Sasha B

Hi Giggly, looking at your lovely art work as I type   .


Weekdays are better for us and we can do any week day apart from Friday. 


Sasha xxx


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## roze

Hi , I can do Monday 29th October : it will be all of us coming - hope that's ok? I'm already off out for the day on Saturday or Sunday on my own so we need to do something together at some point ! 


I did wonder about Winchester as an alternative as its a nice place with the cathedral etc. if still Guildford is what's planned accessible if we take the train? However saying that the traffic is usually Ok at half term so driving is an option still. GG what were your thoughts about what to do? It's years since I've been to Guildford! 


Having a dreadful time at work : under lots of pressure and nothing going right. Feeling bullied also with people lashing out literally . Two other female colleagues have grievances going on and I'm seriously considering it as an insurance policy. Have had a few days off work with gastro e. convinced its a stress response. Feeling more robust now than last week but no doubt there will be a deluge of 'hate mail' when I go back on Tuesday. Need to harden up fast or prepare to suffer. 




Take care ladies, looking forward to seeing you again soon, roze xxx


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## Grumpygirl

Poor you, Roze- that sounds like a nightmare. Hope it lightens up soon or you do grow that seemingly necessary thick skin. Big kiss x

I can do that date too if WInchester is an option. Half term is good for me but Winchester is much closer than Guildford for us, although not sure about Sasha, hence I suggested Guildford. xx


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## roze

either place fine with us!  Looking forward to it- I have many personal and work deadlines just before then so fancy having a bit of a clear break!

best wishes

roze xxx


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,


Winchester is a bit too far for us but please don't let if affect what the rest of the group ends up doing. Happy to come to the next meet if its easier for everyone
else. Hope everyone is well    .


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Grumpygirl

Wouldn't hear of it, Sasha- we'll do Guildford. Really want to see you! Can you do the date Roze suggested? Or anyone else? xx


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## mini-me

Hi all, 
Would love to meet up too    

Not had a great summer.  DH has moved out so I'm now a single parent and very sad.  Don't want to go into details but all is not lost and there is no-one else involved.  But I have to move on and have to put DS first.  DS seems OK but difficult to tell if his behaviour is being a typical 3 1/2 boy or he is being affected by the situation.  Most of my friends with children the same age say it's his age    Personally don't agree with 'terrible twos' as I've found 3 a much more trying age! 

Guilford OK for me,don't think it's too far away.  Also please don't worry as I'm very happy to hear wedding talk and see pics. I know I will find love again either with my estranged DH or some other lucky fella  

Mini-me
xxx


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## Sasha B

Dear Mini,


I am so sorry to hear about your DH. It must have been so hard for you and heartbreaking. I am glad that your DS gives you such comfort and that he is doing well despite the changes. If you can't tell the difference in behaviour it is probably normal 3 year old stuff. I had the same with DD. She definitely stepped up a gear in that department when she turned 3 and she is still full on at the age of 6!!! We do want to be sensitive to you hun and appreciate that you say its ok to talk about wedding stuff but if it is upsetting you, please do say. I love the fact that you haven't lost hope, keep holing on to it hun. The man who ends up with you and your DH will be very blessed.


Looking forward to seeing you in Guilford. Monday the 29th is good for us.


Sasha xxx


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## Bel

Hi girls,


Mini me - so sorry to read your post. You sound so strong though and positive about the future which is great. You are right to be so positive as some lucky fella is waiting out there for you   . Thinking of you loads and hoping that you all have a fab meet up on the 29th. I am working full time that week otherwise I would come too. Sending you a massive    Stay strong, lots of love, xxx


GG - So lovely seeing you and the beautiful Zoe today. She is a total credit to you, her kindness with Daisy bought tears to my eyes. They were just so sweet together and Zoe was so patient. To see them hugging, holding hands and running wild round a soft play centre is something that we thought we would never see 6 years ago when we met up, both in despair at yet another failure each!! As we said today, how times change and how blessed are we to have happy, healthy children. You looked amazing and so chilled considering what you have been through in the past year....  hugs to you. So glad that you were able to talk to me a little today about b. it must be so hard for you, I am just glad that you thought it helped. You are an amazing yummy mummy, whatever you decide for the future of your family that will not change. To hear Zoe saying mummy today was fab and to hear her say 'Daisy's mummy' when she wanted to ask me a question, was just so cute. Daisy has been talking about you both this afternoon, she has had a brilliant day. We must do it again soon, love you lots Hun, xxxx


Rose - first of all congratulations!!! So sorry I was so tied up with recovering that I didn't congratulate you sooner. You sound like you had a great day. So sorry that you are having a tough time at work though. I' m sure I will sort them all out. Thank you for your posts whilst I have been poorly. You are very kind. I am feeling much better now thank you. Love your pics on **, x 


Bloobs - miss you Hun, we missed you today too, although I'm sure your ears were burning ...in a good way!! I love reading your posts. Love seeing your posts on **...you make me laugh so much. Love to your beautiful girlies, xxx


Sasha - congratulations to you too...you sound so happy, it's really lovely to hear. Bet you are all looking forward to a family Christmas, thinking of you lots. This time last year when we met up you had just met, how time changes eh? Really pleased for you, lots of love, x


Rsmum - love your pics on **. Very beautiful girls you have, obviously follow their mummy!! Think of ou often x


Hi to everyone that I haven't mentioned, better go as x factor started!!! I love Saturday nights, 


Lots of love all,
Bel x


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## Sasha B

Hi Bel,


So lovely to hear from you    . It would be great to catch up with you sometime too. I love seeing all the photos of beautiful little Daisy on **. Glad to hear you are doing so well hun. We're all doing well and I am still so amazed that I have such a lovely husband    . All three children have settled into life with each other really well. Yes, we are looking forward to Christmas, it will be awesome beyond words to share our first Christmas together as a family.


Lots of love,


Sasha xxx


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## bluebell

Hello my gorgeous lot!!!!

At last I have managed to get a chance to post again!

I've just been speaking on Skype to my lovely Czech friend Hanka from Brno that both Sasha and RSMUM met when they went out for tx.  Hanka is now in Germany as she has a whirlwind romance with a French-Swiss bloke but she's from Brno and it was so lovely to have someone local that I already knew as a friend when I was out there for tx.

Anyway, so here goes....


Mini-me.... big big hugs babes       .  You must have been through some really tough times recently.  Even when a split is the right thing to do it is bloody stressful and knackering, so well done you.  You sound really strong in your post.  Are you coming up to Scotland?  Please come and see us if you do.  I love your visits and whenever I see you I feel like we've known each other for ever!!!  Big smackers to you lovely little DS      Keep us posted as to how things are going for you.  I'll give you a call soon too.

Bel, lovely FF special cycle buddy!!!!!!!  I loved reading your post about your meet up with Giggles and Zoe.  I can just imagine you chatting away and the girlies together.  How fantastic and as you say, how amazing it is for us all.  I will never forget our first ever Stratford  meet up (5 or so years ago now!!!) and how much we have all achieved since then!! Big hugs to little Daisy and if we come down to the Midlands we will definitely meet up too!!!  We hope to come down in the spring some time.  I'll try to phone you soon too.  Have you got voicemail on your mobile yet?      !!  Say hello to DH and Barney too!!

Roze, who needs book and newspapers when you have your ** posts to read.  You are soooo entertaining and intelligent - you ought to write a novel.  I for one would read it.  Thanks for your lovely long PM.  Sorry i haven't replied yet but I will soon.  I am sending you my full inlaw-difficulties-empathy sympathy      Mine are crud too!!

Sasha meine Liebe, so glad we got to chat last week at last.  I am coasting on your absolute happiness.  It is so lovely to see and you SO deserve it.  I can't wait to meet your lovely DH as soon as we can !!  I loved your pic on ** of DD in her superwoman outfit.  She is so stunning.  Let's speak again soon.  Bis Bald x x x x 

RSMUM ...... great to chat with you today too.  Sorry we got cut short.... DD2s nursery is in a dip and I always lose reception plus I was picking her up anyway!  Looking forward to that gossipy email!!    

Giggles!!!!!!!!!  I can't believe I haven't spoken to you for ages either!!  I am so jealous of your meeting the lovely Bel.  How are you and your sunshiney family?  Zoe has just the same beaming face as her mummy!! .... and from what I can see is just as much of a nutter!!

LML ... how are you and your lovelies? I have been so impressed by your glam lifestyle that I get glimpses of on **!!... and I love the photos of DD and DS and your lovely doggy too!  I would love to meet you one day too as we haven't met yet.  You always seem so serene and laid back.... some of it might rub off onto me !!     

Lirac, how's life for you with Ds and little Ghislaine?  How old is she now?  I can't remember, are you on **?  If you are, PM me your details.  Loads of love and let's hear your news x x x

Izzy, are you still reading? Big big hugs to you and your boys.  Thanks for your lovely long message. I'll reply whenever I get a chance and also hope to see you when I come to the Midlands     

As for us, there is nothing new.  Life seems such a mad rush now that DD2 is at nursery and socialising with play dates and activities too!!  Trying to balance work and the girls is the proverbial juggling act.  My brain short circuits at times and I do ridiculous things, like locking myself out of work and having to climb in a window, or (a couple of days ago) sitting waiting in my car in our drive/track as DH had asked me to move my car out of the way for him but me not noticing that actually my car wasn't in the way / blocking him in as his was nearest the road after all, and him saying "It's OK, you don't need to move yours!" and me replying "Why not?", and him looking exceedingly worried!!!!

My DDs are fab.  DD1 is still spirited and wild and most of her friends are school are boys (not helped by the fact that it is a tiny school with only 24 children and in her year (P2) she is the only girl (accompanied by 3 boys).  She loves life and lives it to the full at full speed with lots of emotional crashes!!  DD2 is much more sedate in many ways, and more laid back and relaxed, but can be incredibly stubborn!! She is funny and incredibly affectionate, loving and caring.  She hugs and "luffs" almost anything living.  I caught her with a slug the other day, DD2 saying "Awwwww, so cute!" and trying to cuddle it!!!  

Oh well, had better stop rambling.  

Love you all loads.  Can we have a Midlands / North of England meet next year please?  It's harder now that some of our littl'uns are at school as Scottish school holidays aren't at the same time as English, but maybe we can find a date to suit all ... or at least a Midlands bunch... Bel, Izzy, RSMUM ??

Loads of luuurrrrrv,
Blooooobs xxxxxx


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## roze

Ladies,

A quick one as totally exhausted this weekend with work issues, a spot of socialising out of London, and sick children!  Have been up since 5pm thinking about stuff and then the kids woke up early and jumped on me!

Bloobs, I totally sync with your comment about having to climb in and out windows and the old brain. We are all so busy juggling it all. Work is just not a good situation sometimes with working women- we seem to have to do it all.

GG, Sasha and Lirac, I am not sure whether tomorrows meet is still on?  I am not sure we can make it now in any case due to the twins not being well- heavy colds and potential chest infection now for one. All are exhausted as are myself and DH too so altogether dont think a drive of more than a few miles is possible for us tomorrow.  Hope you all have a good time and hopefully we can plan something next year in the Midlands so that Bloobs can join us?  I'd be very happy with something in the Stratford area or even outside as its cheaper. A Premier Inn for a few nights would be perfect for us. 

Im having severe problems at work now with what looks like a complete deflection of a projects problems  onto me and what looks like a potential constructive dismissal situation as they appear to be wanting to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible. a few months ago I was practically verbally punched in a meeting with my manager and his boss but proving it is difficult as its my word against two senior managers.  I am fighting it all but they keep playing games such as my being told to try and address something informally but then my manager refuses to respond and cancels our scheduled one to ones with no written responses to anything I write to him.  I can't see therefore how any grievance could be addressed informally now. Its all very stressful and perhaps for the first time I am feeling physically ill as a result of it all with lots of stomach problems. 

Another female colleague is also off sick having been intimidated over her working hours. Management's idea of an informal meeting to discuss it all was to pitch her against two managers and HR- ie her alone in a meeting with three senior staff. So thats the way they behave. We are however getting together to try and support each other but all will take time. 

A good friend has suggested that it would be beneficial to take some time under work related stress before something else happens or I become so stressed I say something unfortunate or even walk out. She thinks it would be beneficial to me as I would have to have a return to work interview and it can all be recorded there and she thinks that that will be in my best interests overall. I have never thought that was a good idea but up until now I never really felt the need other than the odd day here and there to recover and seem to have bounced back but this time its a bit different.  Its all this time  about feeling cornered by your employer rather than external stressful events. I am interested to hear what you ladies think about this?  Any advice appreciated!

best wishes and catch up soon hopefully

roze  xx


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,


Just a quick one. The children had a sickness bug the week before and I had it last week but still feel really exhausted from it and don't think I'll be able to manage the journey with my two and then being out and about for the day, so unfortunately we won't be able to come tomorrow    . Gutted because I was really looking forward to seeing all of you and your little ones.


Roze & GG hope everyone in your families gets well soon as well    .


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Grumpygirl

We're the same in our house, must be the week for it! Will be back to post more soon but wanted to wish everyone a speedy recovery xxxxxxx


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## bluebell

You poor pukers you lot!!         

I hope you all feel better soon!  I wouldn't mind a bit of a bug ... the only way I ever lose weight!!        

Roze, so sorry you are having a tough time.  I'll post more soon but sending big hugs your way      

Bloooooooooooooooooooooobs xxxxx


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## roze

Ladies,

Hope you are all recovering from your bugs. It can take a lot out of you and normally hits people just before holiday time when resistance is low and a break needed. Its ghastly stuff. We have missed out so far but no doubt it will knock on our door. 

Just an update. My GP has signed me off sick for a few weeks after I burst into tears in the surgery whilst recounting everything.  I was reluctant at first as I was worried about more bulling but accepted that its the best thing at present until I feel better and can mobilise my thoughts and words for the Big Fight Back, which is just impossible to address when I am there. So I am off for November and intending to do all the life affirming things that I never have time for, such as swimming, art galleries, lunch on my own as well as do more for the kids like sort out their bedrooms and build DDs den etc. And of course support DH. And have long baths and sleep.  So I am very pleased about that. Also want to plan parental leave for next year to ease the pressure on all of us. Its too too much- one hair out of place and the house of cards comes crashing down. I suspect that most of us have been there at some point. Parental leave sure is there for a reason if only we could afford to take our allowance. But it will have to be afforded to keep us all sane. 

The twins are now in their own room. Its taken us three years to get our bedroom back, and 5 if you take account of the 5 months DD was in her own room. Its amazing to get that space back and we love it. Cant believe I now have a drawer again for my own clothes!

They will be three in a few weeks time. Cant believe it. I miss their being babies but boy, life is so much easier for me and DH except when they all kick off which is becoming less frequent but more spectacular and actressy.  Big birthday party being planned with entertainers- not at home thankfully. 
They have friends of their own and go round to theirs for tea and dress up in toy high heels and wings. Great photos!  DD is doing a lot of sport and is cute and curious still, so earnest and full of incredulity and wonder. 

I was wondering whether anyone would like to try and meet up again- I wondered selfishly about London one weekend as its getting colder and there are museums and art galleries to shelter in.  Any takers?  If its outside of half term and not too close to Xmas it should be less crowded, or even something more Christmassy in early December?  The Xmas markets should be around by then. Let me know if you are interested  and Ill check out possibilities. Still happy to go elsewhere if that works better.  Sasha, still hoping to visit the Boatyard one weekend!

Bloobs, I would be happy to meet up further north sometime, just say what might be possible, alternatively if you fancy a trip to London just before Xmas let me know.

Just a quick mention of Safarigirl who lives near me and who I bump into regularly- also WWAV who doesnt post any more but is happy and well. If we meet up in London I was proposing to invite them both too?

take care everyone, chat soon,

roze xx


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## Grumpygirl

Hi all,
Have been really rubbish at posting but have read and run. Also keeping up with a few of you via **- just love the pics  

Mini-Me - how are you doing? You sound like you're coping well but must be pretty tricky as well. Your DS must keep you smiling, hope things look up for you soon. x

Bloobs- you're the sunshiney one, my lovely! Love hearing your stories and would love a catch up soon xx

Bel- you're a life saver, I was so pleased to see you & Daisy and spend some time the other week. I'm not sure there's another living person who knows exactly where I'm coming from as you do- such similar issues but different too. Will definitely do it again as soon as we can. Give your special little lady a massive kiss from Zoe. xx And another from me!

Roze- if your Doc has signed you off that's because you need it. Make the most of the time, not just for all the jobs you feel need doing but for YOU. Some of the crap we feel is so necessary in our lives just isn't- am no life coach (ha!) but I think when I was ill it gave me a new perspective on what's important and a lot of stuff simply isn't. I like the idea of long baths and sleep! WWAV and Safarigirl, eh? Give them my love. Not sure London is on our agenda anytime soon, in fact I don't know how you bring up a family in London with the cost of everything but I'm sure it has its benefits too. Living in the sticks isn't for everyone either!

Sasha- loving your ** updates  

Izzy- where are you, lovely? xx

RSMum- am so coming to visit Wales in the camper some time, one of the pics you put on ** is on out list (campsite in a valley nr Portmeirion?) G&Ts all round I think  xx

Down here I've been enjoying my new job 2 days a week in my local school, 2 days a week is an ideal compromise for this year for me as Zoe is now at preschool 2 mornings and 1 day so I'm only actually missing her a bit. We have a good balance I think- if she was with me all the time now we'd probably both go mad! She's loads of fun and pretty lary- just how I like it, although we did go through a difficult stage of 45 min tantrums x3/day a few weeks ago for about a week and I was about to lose it then hit on taking away her regular Weds playdate with a friend as she'd been so naughty and that seemed to work a treat... Apparently I wasn't her best friend anymore, but that lasted about 10 mins! She is a very strong character and massively stubborn- just like her Dad! We're ticking along ok, some days better than others for me. Still have the odd day like today when I just can't compute what we ever did to anyone to deserve the raw deal we've had and the baby boom locally has done nothing to help that- I can avoid certain situations pretty effectively most of the time but just don't deal well with babies and bumps. Tricky with a 3 year old and being a naturally outgoing person as I have lots of friends but have been trying hard to work out the right balance. For example there's a nice girl in my village who is a mutual friend of 2 girls I see regularly- she had a little boy in July and try as I might I just can't have her in the house with the baby. On her own no probs, ie adults only, but home is my sanctuary and I can't do it. Is quite awkward as naturally the group will get together at one of our houses but to be honest as she has an 8 year old and a 4 1/2 yr old (both boisterous boys!) and my other friend also has 3 kids who are a handful, by the time we get 4 of us ladies together it's a sum total of 9 kids- only Zoe a singleton, and I need to work out if the headache I get just thinking about them all coming over is because of the baby or the fact that my house will be invaded by out of control kids and I can't be bothered! There's one lovely little girl in the village who Zoe adores who comes every week and she's also a singleton- playdates are fun and controllable and I enjoy them much more, so think it may be less about having a baby in the house than having to entertain hordes of people! 

As for trying again, we both have a complete head @~*$ about it since we used up our remaining embryo. We got married over 10 years ago and I got ill the year after- just so much of our marriage spent in pursuit of a family. I am far too blooming level headed for my own good and the sensible me says enough is enough- I have days when I'm convinced sticking with one is the right thing for us (probably when I have hordes of kids due to land!) but then in the next breath I get stuck in a situation with a newly pregnant lady or a baby the same age as ours would have been and I'm a mess. Not visibly usually but soon after in my own time. The SUK AGM was a flaming nightmare for me this year- so many lovely people but either in teams, pregnant or happily completed families. Lots of fab friends who mean well too, but who are so darn nice to me I can't help the tears coming. Thank God for the lovely Bel who came and took Zoe and I out for a few hours in the middle of the day, I seriously couldn't have done it without her! xx So, all in all, I do wonder if the only way I'll ever feel better is to take the plunge and try again- certainly most of the stuff I've read about late losses seem to say that often a woman doesn't begin to heal emotionally until they have another baby. Fact is though that we have no guarantee that it'll ever happen however much we throw at it and I'm not sure we have the funds or emotional resources to keep dealing with the pain of it not working, or worse- the same happening again. To do another surrogacy also seems like a massive uphill battle with trying to find another surrogate (Jane's retired, bless her) and all the running around it entails. The thought of it all exhausts us both. So, if anyone has either a crystal ball or a magic wand please send them my way with a massive 'Izzy Wizzy Let's Get Busy!' We're in limbo land and so we bought a campervan and decided to spend next summer travelling around Europe with Zoe before she starts school- can't wait. It's a distraction at least. 

I haven't gone to counselling, to be honest I haven't been able to verbalise my feelings at all well after this disappointment and even the people I normally lean on I've shut out and just chatted about day to day things with. I do wonder if I need to let it all out though, the thing is that we still wouldn't have an answer so I'm not sure it'll help. Maybe the answer will just appear- I reckon a lot of things are meant to be anyway however much you try. We're just so grateful for our Zoe, she really is the light in our lives, even when she's throwing a 45 min paddy because she can't have a squeezy yog before her tea! 

Hope I don't sound too down, we're just still pretty conflicted and I know you lot just 'get it' and know me. So it's easier to offload here. 

Am off to have a nice long kip before school tomorrow, take care everyone and loads of love to you all xx
Giggly
xx


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## roze

GG,  I don't have the answer unfortunately however I do think that there is a particular human pattern of grieving common to us all with specific stages of acceptance etc that take different amounts of time for each of us. I do think people need to have certain personal emotional resources to try again but I think we have all gone through the process when we've felt less than ready and extremely bruised .  It's hard to say whether you are at that stage now or not but I do think that anniversaries are important stages and hurdles  in the process. When my parents were ill and my mothers on the critical list years ago when she was not expected to survive the night I remember a doctor telling me by way of preparation for bereavement ( I was 20)
that it takes a full year to reach the acceptance stage and to be able to move on. It's something to do with the way humans regard and celebrate milestones and ' seasons'.  I suspect therefore that if I was to give any advice at all it would be to let the full year to pass before any decisions are made either way.  I think still that doctor gave me the best advice ever. You will know that the time is right to start to appraise things again when you find yourself thinking about it and there are no jolts of pain to your heart bringing up painful memories. It's otherwise difficult to do.  


I know what you mean about counselling. It's difficult to sit in a room with a stranger on a scheduled appointment and be expected to pour it all out when you don't yourself know what you think. How about writing it all down as you have done here and keeping a diary? I would still recommend professional counselling though in the long term as having had it ourselves it can really be helpful in working out what we really think, what we want, and why we are really pursuing a certain goal, and also what happens if we choose to call a halt to it.  Sometimes we already know the right answers but just need a sounding board or a little validation sometimes. 


I think staying away from babies is necessary at this stage : you shouldn't feel guilty. It's just another step in the process.


Not sure if this helps or hinders . More than happy to chat further if you want. 


A big hi and hugs to everyone else, 


Roze xxx


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## Sasha B

Dear Giggly,


Thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. It's an incredibly hard time for you and the impact of loosing little Barnaby and not having him with you now as a nearly one year old must be overwhelming at times. As Roze said, there is no set length of time for each stage of grief. I know my circumstances were different but what I found was that I would have some ok days and some low days. I'd think I was doing alright and then it would hit me all over again. I totally understand your not being able to be around bumps and babies and as guilty as you probably feel about that, it is very normal and understandable. As you say, it is a balance but sometimes you've got to do what will shield yourself from situations that you know will be acutely painful. I think you are doing amazingly well to be doing all that you are doing and to have the strength to go to something like SUK UK, where there are large groups of people around as well. By the way I also struggled with being around larger groups of people. Anything more than 4 or 5 and I really struggled. It was too much for my emotions to process. I felt that everyone else's lives were so untouched by grief and mine so deeply touched by it that I found it tough to know where I 'fit' and where I could really be myself. Hope this makes sense. It's late and my typing ability is somewhat compromised. 


As Roze said, I'd be happy to chat to you anytime. I can PM you my new landline number if you like.


Much love,


Sasha xxx


----------



## Bel

Hi Girls,
Finally I have time for a liccle post...
GG - I loved meeting up with you and Zoe so much as did Daisy. She still calls every little girl at softplay Zoe now...so funny! I'm so sorry that you are still having such a tough time. This fertility stuff never gets any easier...almost harder as the years go on. You and your lovely DH will work out which direction to take when the time is right. I am a massive believer in fate and I'm sure that things will become clearer soon. Remember that you are both still grieving... I totally understand how hard it is to be around young babies and pregnant women, even though we have Daisy and I love her with all my heart, I always get a twinge when I see a pregnant lady (and you see a lot at playgroups!). Even last week I found myself staying away from a lady that was due that day. I think that will be with me for life and although it isn't a nice feeling and I don't feel like a nice person being that envious when I have my beautiful little girl, I just can't help it!! You my lovely Lisa are the bravest person I know, you will get there one way or another!! Here for you anytime and loving Bloobs idea of a midlands meet up in the spring! xxxxx
Bloobs - So so so lovely to read your posts. So pleased that your two beautiful girls are doing so well. I can hear the proud mummy in your posts and it is luvvvly!!! I still haven't got my answerphone sorted...must do that tonight!!!    Really loved your idea for a meet up in Spring. I would definately be up for that! xxxxx
Sasha - Loving all your photo's on **. Sounds like you have settled down to married life and enjoying every minute. So pleased for you, you deserve to be happy. Roll on your first Christmas together as husband and wife!! xx
Roze - So sorry to hear that you have been having a tough time at work. Sounds like a bit of time off is just what you need. I hope you are feeling a lot better soon x
Mini - me - how are you? xxx Thinking of you xxx
Rsmum - Loving your ** photo's too! xxxx beauty xx
LML - Your little M has grown up so much since we met up in the New Forest. So lovely. Hope life is treating you well? xxx
Well, I am running out of time, before leaving to collect D so I shall just give you a little update on us....D is amazing and that also is her word of the week...everything is ammmmazzing...mostly her advent calender, our new christmas tree and all the christmas lights on peoples house as we are on the way home in the car!! She is so loving and very cheeky....she also like GG's Z loves 'Gangham style' and has made me skyplus it so that she can copy the dance...its hilarious, especially when she gets her daddy up to dance to it too!!!!     I am now over the Operation and feeling physically a lot stronger and even emotionally stronger than I thought. However, I do think that it has aged me, even though my DH and Mum tell me different. Maybe it is psychological, but I feel as though I look older??!! Anyway, the pain has now gone and I am not spending at least one weekend every month in bed with painkillers and a hotwater bottle, so all good on that front! As I said earlier, preggers womaen always bother me still, but it is more of a twinge then its gone rather than the longing I used to have, who knows this may fade in time?? I blummin hope so!! Anyway, things are good with me and I am really looking forward to a family Christmas at home..D and Dh and Barney my dog altogether....I hope you are all okay, love to hear from you all,
Lots of love,
Bel xxxxx


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## RSMUM

Just popping in inbetween cleaning, washing, tidying and Xmas dec unpacking...aarrghh madness....how are you all doing? Are you all sorted for Xmas or is eveybody else running around like a blue arsed fly like me?/!   


Huge love to all my abroadies friends..and many apologies that I never get to post these days but do read and think of you all often

xxxxx


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## bluebell

Keep meaning to pop in to do a massivo post but never get round to it.....

................but popping in nevertheless to wish all my Abroadie buddies and their bouncing sproggies a very merry Christmas and all the very very best for 2013!!

I hope you all get loads of fantastic prezzies tomorrow and have happy, lazy days !!

Loads of love and big fat hugs from Bloooooooooooooooooooooooooobs!!

                   spinspin


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## Grumpygirl

Happy Chrimbo to you all and all your gorgeous families xxxxxx loads of love to you all and a big fat thank you from me for all your kindness and support this year in particular. We've had a lovely couple of days and our gorgeous girlie has too. And a big show off from me too- might just get to meet the lovely RSmum over the new year. hooray! Xxxxxx


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone
Just checking in to wish you all a Happy 2013 and if I remember rightly today is GG's birthday so Happy Birthday too GG.                                                    
I'm sorry I haven't posted or even stopped by this board for so long but I do think of lots of you often.
We have no real news - DS remains hard work (but getting easier all the time) and is a delight. This morning he made me a card that said "I apsolutelly love you." little things like that make 9 BFN's and a m/c easier to bear, he was definately worth the wait.  He is doing well at school and just now life is ticking along quiet nicely - long may it continue.
Love to all my abroadies pals who remember me
Crusoe xxxxxxx


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## roze

Ladies,
We had a good Xmas and I hope you all did too.
Crusoe, great to hear from you!
GG, Happy Birthday!
Hi to everyone else. It would be great to have another meet up this year, perhaps in late spring, summer, or as it suits people. How about the midlands etc? Could do something over the first May Bank Holiday. 
Have a good New Year and may 2013 bring much happiness.

roze, xxxxx


----------



## Bel

Hi Girls,
So quiet on here...where are you all?!! Having lots of fun I hope     
Crusoe - So great to hear from you. I think of you often and wonder how you are getting on, so pleased that all is good and you sound very happy and content. I would still love to meet up with little one's one day if you are free? Just let me know some dates and we could meet up half way at a family friendly park or pub? Big hugs xxx
BB - Love your ** photo's and status updates. You make me LOL  . Meet up soon please.....xxxx 
GG - You are crazy my friend. Your ** status's also make me LOL. Loving the latest pic's of Z. Gosh she is one beautiful little girl...obviously follows her Mummy!    Let's arrange another meet up this year, I so loved the last one!
Roze - Glad all is well with you. Would be great to meet up this year. Let's definately arrange it, was such fun last time   
My news...well we had a bit of a scare with D. I took her a couple of weeks ago to the drs as I thought she had conjunctivitus. After taking her back 3 times that week as it was getting swollen, they gave me antibiotics, but the nest day it was worse so I took her again, they told me to carry on with antibiotics, but as she couldn't open her eye on the Saturday DH and I took her to A & E. They then told us that she had cellulitis of the eye and face and that she need to see a specialist straight away and be on IV antibiotics or it could spread to the back of the eye and affect her sight. Panic stations for DH and I as you can imagine. We ended up (all 3 of us) as we would not leave her side for 4 days and 3 nights in City Hospital in Birmingham. She came out on more antibiotics and they did say she may need an operation to drain the eye, but we saw the consultant  and they signed her off last week...phew. Worst time of our lives, but thankfully her sight was not affected, although she still has a whacking bruise under her eye. I am writing this in such detail so that as parents you are all aware of this condition. It is quite rare but can be caused from an eye infection or nose infection apparently??
Anyway, she is now back to normal and bossing us around again!!
Hope you are all okay - love to you all,
Bel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## bluebell

Oh blimey lovelies, just popped in to see who had posted and saw your story Bel        Bloody hell, you must have had such a scare with poor little Daisy's eye.  Poor little sweetie.  Was it really sore?  Sending her and you the biggest of kisses         I hope she's fully recovered now.  

I don't have time to post more now but will try to do a long 'un soon.  I know we are all on ** but I miss FF and would be sad if we lost our lovely Abroadies thread!!!!!!

Loadsa lurrrrrv,
Blooobs x x x x


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## bluebell

OMG Lirac how exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You are so brave!!  I wish I had the guts to go for our frosties!!  Well done you!  Thanks for telling us.  We'll all be here behind you as usual.  Shame you're not on ** as we could all see photos of your littlies!  Good luck with is all and keep us posted.  How lovely it would be to have another pregnancy on Abroadies!!!! 
Loads of love and luck!!

It was our little DD2's 3rd birthday today.  She had her party yesterday which went really well.  I was so proud of her as she can be shy but she was in her element, the real party animal and she didn't cry once!  DD1 is a real drama queen in comparison and cried her way through her 3rd party!!!  It was hilarious yesterday.  One little boy stripped off and was dancing around in the nuddy.  I love him as he is a real cheeky chappy and he is DD's fave, but he got more and more cheeky and poured a bucket of icy water over another boy's head in the garden, from quite high up in the treehouse!!!  His mum was so embarrassed by this stage that she burst into tears herself and took him away.  I tried to make her stay, even by bribing her to with emergency alcohol and chocolate, but she wasn't having any of it.  I can't believe DD2 is 3 though!!  ...my little baby no more!!    

Love ya all,

Bluebell xxxxxx


----------



## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,


So lovely to hear about DD's party Bloobs. I can't believe she is 3 already!!!     . Sounds like you had a fantastic time xxx


Bel, I am so sorry to hear about the worry that you had with D. It must have been awful. It's so frightening when they are ill. Good to hear that there will be no lasting effects to her sight and that she won't need an operation. Hugs to you    .

Crusoe, so lovely to hear that you are enjoying your DS. He is such a sweetie. DD2 still remains hard work but we are able to enjoy her more now, though she still has quite a few moments . I loved what your DS wrote to you.

Lirac, wow! How exciting. As Bloobs has said, thank you for sharing the journey with us. We are looking forward with you to the end of the month    .


Sorry I haven't been around much. Life is so busy but absolutely loving it!!! Daniel will be 3 in July and my toddler is fast turning into a little boy with a voice and an opinion  . As he will be our last I can't help but feel a bit sad. I think if I were a couple of years younger I might have asked DH if we could re-consider. Still it is lovely to see our three playing together and even though our oldest DD is 17, she is so good with H & D. 


Much love to everyone. Fireman Sam is about to finish and so will my window of opportunity to use the computer lol.


love,


Sasha xxx


----------



## bluebell

Hello Lirac!!
Just wondering how it all went?  Hoping as hard as I can that your little snow baby survived the thaw?                                     

Let us know how you got on if you feel like it.  I'm really hoping you're on the 2WW !!

Bloobs xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Sasha B

Lirac,


That's great news!!! Fantastic that all went well today. We will be waiting in anticipation with you over the next 2 weeks          .


Lots of love,


Sasha xxx


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## bluebell

Yiipppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!                        spin    

Loved using all those smileys....not used them for ages!!!!  That's FANTASTIC news Lirac!!  You are not mad at all.  If it is right for you, it is right for you.  In fact, I admire you as I have four frosties but am not brave enough to go for them and I'm not 50 yet!  Good for you and wishing my hardest that all goes well!!              
Blooobs x x x


----------



## roze

Ladies,
Its been a while and boy have I missed a lot! ** isn't everything as we cant really discuss our stuff on there. Missed our chats so back again!

Lirac, I think you have to go with your heart. I had three almost under three at 50 when DD was just 4- but we had three under 2 1/2 at 48! The thing about having more kids should you be blessed is that you do things differently and organise things so much better so in a way its been a lot easier for us than it was with DD where we made a complete meal of everything. We got a doula in post birth and have people in to help us now on a regular basis ie we have cleaners and occasional nanny and sitter help even when we don't go out. When I had DD I did everything on my own and failed miserably. I had someone in on this Sat morning just gone and had a bath and a catch up sleep. DH went to football. Its extravagant but its only twice a month but it makes a difference especially as we don't have family locally to help out. 
I don't know if you recall but everyone told us not to go ahead with the twin pregnancy due to my and our ages. Everything would happen, we would be exhausted etc it wasn't wise, we'd never cope. Well, we are exhausted but probably fitter both physically and psychologically and actually, its not and never has been, that bad. I do feel tired now as I have done in the last few months but I am putting that down to extreme stress due to a bad work situation. However I am taking parental leave this year- 5 weeks- and planning another 5 next year so that will help us out quite a bit as I'll get some rest and also be able to focus on sorting out the childrens clothes and going to school functions etc and paying particular attention to each child. Its unpaid but will probably reap its rewards in gold. Things were very rough at work and I wasn't focussing properly on the children as too much going on in my head so I was trying to squeeze everything in and failing. To me its the mental pressure that has always been greater than the physical and also the sheer logistics of getting about with three, but being that bit older we have mental resources that have helped us out as well as an increasing tolerance towards mess and piles of laundry and washing up which is now a reality. My children are washed but everything is Just In time and Just About.
There are things you can do to ease things. You at 50 is not necessarily someone else at 50. Theres Ranulph Fiennes on the news trying to endure an Antarctic trek at 68. Most 68 year olds are not doing this sort of thing just as not all 50 year olds are raising young children, however some can and some are, doing very well in the process. 
I don't also see other younger parents running around after their kids much in the playground- they are also apparently, exhausted as I gather from overhearing them, so I'm not sure whether their exhaustion at 35 is anymore exhausting than my exhaustion at 52.....So please don't worry, what will be will be, and you will cope with whatever happens. 
Bel, so sorry to hear about DD. What a shock that must have been for you all. So glad things are much better. Sending all my love to you all.
We also have frosties left. Isida hasn't approached us about them so not sure what to do as avoiding having to say our goodbyes. However theres no question about our having any more so will probably have to let go at some point. But perhaps in a few months we will make that call.

Ive mentioned work issues. Those of you on ** will have observed my cryptic comments about this and that. In September 2012 I complained to HR then my boss directly on their advice about the bullying behaviour of my bosses boss over a period of months including being told off like a child and told to put my pen down in meetings.- and its cumulative effect on me, with my boss not supporting me and seemingly joining in. and suddenly Im incapable of my job which was never raised before. I asked for evidence and how it all fitted in with my commendations and appraisals etc as but none was provided.Thats still the case 5 months later. My boss complained that I had no right to challenge him with requests for evidence. I felt unwell about the whole thing and a month later my GP signed me off for a month in November. I developed an ectopic heartbeat and my BP started to rise as well as panic attacks and stomach problems etc. I sent in a grievance three months ago tomorrow and they cant decide on that and cant tell me when they can. So on Friday I submitted my appeal for failure to determine the grievance. This will escalate the matter to more senior staff who hopefully will see what is really going on here- a vindictive personal campaign to destroy my reputation and to humiliate me further with so many lies and cover ups. There are other things going on with two other women making very serious complaints about sex discrimination in the department, especially aimed at mothers and women who are in any way assertive and refuse to go all girly. I am a witness in one of these and I think their behaviour to me is all connected with this too. 
Its been going on for over 5 months now with no sign of resolution. All I will say is that someones totally incompetent but it isn't me but their inability to make decisions about anything is probably typical of my section which demonstrates the worst of the public sector I am fighting hard and smart but the whole thing is wearing me down and out I have to say as there is so much rubbish. Hey ho, lets see what happens, Ive won these things before with sheer persistence and I know Im right which sort of helps however my entire work experience around my pregnancy and early years of my twins lives has just been sheer [email protected].

I've set up a web domain as part of my plan to try and help mothers of all circumstances especially though through pregnancy and maternity and just managing the interface of work and family. Its early days but I hope to get it established by the summer where it should take off or not. When things are a little more solid I'll let you know in case you want to drop in!

Would love to meet up this year- do you think it will happen? Any ideas on location dates, etc.? Happy for it to be in London- some of you would be welcome to stay in our new loft conversion! However probably fairer and perhaps more interesting to have it in the north/midlands.

Hope to catch up again soon, take care and enjoy the nice weather that's been promised us this week!

love

roze xx


----------



## roze

PS
Lirac, 
How dare your GP talk about cheating nature!  What does he think he does for a living- carrying his argument through he should just let people suffer and die and not intervene. Which would put him out of a job.  What a load of rubbish!

roe xx


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,

Roze, it sounds like you've really been going through it but well done you for rightly confronting your boss about this behaviour. Sounds like you are making some wise decisions about your life as well and making some changes to alleviate stress and tiredness. I feel tired at 42 as well. What ever the age if you are running around after little ones and juggling, working, running the house, caring for the children etc. then you will always feel overworked but DH and I are trying to have one day a week (normally Saturday) when we allow ourselves a bit of downtime (as much as the little ones will permit). It's such a balancing act though. I hope you get a good outcome at work.

Lirac, its only been a week. It just might be too early. You can have positives at this point but its very rare with a singleton. It could still change. You sound like you're taking it in your stride though. Sending lots of love.

Both children at school / nursery today so I am going to have some down time of my own .

Love to all the Abroadies Ladies xxx


----------



## Sasha B

Oh Lirac, I am so sorry to hear that            


Yes, I can relate. After years of cycles and countless trips to scans, blood tests, clinics etc. in one one way it's a relief to leave the whole tx experience behind but when I got remarried I suppose a part of me hoped that Dh would change his mind and want to try for another baby. I find myself savouring every age and stage of Daniel's growth because I know he will be our last. We're about to start toilet training in the spring so no more baby grows or all in ones. It does make me feel a bit sad. My baby is fast turning into a little boy and I miss feeling my baby move inside me and holding a baby in my arms. It's at those times that I have to remind myself of the wonderful three children that we do have and the joy they bring as well as the challenges. I am the person I am because I have them in my life. Lirac, it's hard to come to terms with after a BFN and all that you emotionally invest into a cycle but it does get easier. Sending you a massive hug and much love. Sasha xxx


----------



## Sasha B

Just thought I'd let you ladies know the wonderful news that my DH wants to adopt Bella and Daniel. We hope to start adoption proceedings in the autumn. I love it that he wants to make his commitment to the children official. I have a truly amazing husband!!!

Love,

Sasha xxx


----------



## roze

Lirac, I am so sorry.  X

I can relate too. I look at other women with babies now and feel envious. I know I wont be there again. I cried when my periods stopped and everyone talked to me like an old woman. But I do like where I am at the moment. I cuddle my children now and they pull away as there are other exciting things they can do. However that means I've done my job. Fortunately one still loves our cuddles and I make the most of it. I realised just last night that babyhood was over and I felt sad. My girls are not fully toilet trained yet - one is, the other is lazy! But I was wondering whether I was deliberately keeping them in nappies as I needed to remind myself that I had babies! In reality though I know I have been exceptionally lucky - incredibly lucky-and I want to make the most of their little girlhood and the sweet and funny things young children say. It's so easy to get absorbed in their disappearing babyhood and miss things. I have done that but want to change. They will still be cute for a long time yet and the full richness of parenting is still ahead of us! However giving up the buggy this summer is going to be very hard indeed I admit. !

roze x


----------



## bluebell

Oh no Lirac I am so very sorry               I completely understand how you are feeling and that you must have all sorts of conflicting feelings of disbelief, anger, relief, sadness, loss etc etc etc.  At least you will know, in years to come, that you tried and did all you could, and so you won't have any "what ifs".  I said before and I'll say again that I think you were sooooooooooo brave to go for your frostie.  I'm so sorry that it didn't work for you.  I too know what you mean about the feeling that you will never be pg again.  I too miss the movement of a baby inside, and the snuggling of a tiny one against my chest, and even the rollercoaster of tx at times.  On the other hand, I am loving my girls at the age they are, and know deep down that I am 'spent' in terms of tx.......couldn't go through with the stress of it again.  Why not keep some of your tiny babu clothes. I have kept my favourite things in a box, partly just for me to have, and partly for if / when my DDs have babies.    I couldn't bring myself to give them all away.  
I am sending you the biggest of hugs   and I hope that you have a lovely weekend, making plans for all the new career directions and pampering yourself on mummy's day, which you absolutely deserve as you are a lovely mummy.  YES PLEASE do join **, so that we can all see your two lovelies and chat more with you.  Once you join I'll PM you my name on here as I am the only person in the world with my name so you'll easily find me on ** and then I can suggest all the other Abroadies as your friends too!!!

Love to Roze, Sasha, Bel, Giggles and everyone else too.  I'll post more soon xxxx       

Blooobs xxxxxxxx


----------



## Sasha B

Happy Mothers Day      to all my lovely Abroadies! Hope you are having a wonderful day with your little and not so little ones.


Sasha xxx


----------



## roze

Happy Mothers Day too to you all- only 2 minutes left! 



Sasha, great news about DH and the adoption! Xx. Lets talk sometime about meeting up? We'd still like to visit the Dockyard particularly as its where a certain series was filmed! 


I'm glad to be able to get to the end of my own journey with a positive outcome,  something I'd never imagined was going to happen.  I remember being particularly shattered on several occasions, one when a guy posted pn the thread who I helped quite a bit who went on to conceive on their first attempt, and then disappeared, and another when none of my 8 frosties survived the thaw in Barcelona. I took the phone call in the street and cried and cried in public having to be helped by passers by. I was there alone. These were devastating  times, only diluted by eventual success, but devastating they were.  


There are others over the years now no longer posting who were not so lucky and whose devastation continued and perhaps continues.  I'm thinking of them today. They no longer post which isnt surprising . I have no doubt that there probably aren't any words that can bridge the gap so contacting them probably is out of the question as it would only seem smug. However from what I can gather treatments are improving and people in general are having more success ; even in a few years there have been great  changes in outcomes. I hope that this continues giving more women access to successful treatment and of course to fulfilling their dreams which as we know, brings joy that leaves us speechless. 


Our next stage is ' telling'. That's another story entirely . Ill let you know when I've drafted the script! 




Love to all of you, my Fantastic Friends! 




Roze


Xx


----------



## RSMUM

Lirac - I am so, so sorry to read your post - my heart goes out to you     and everyone else has said it so well, that mixture of so many deep emotions...you are right, we are such a special group of women on here..I for one could not have gone through it all without FF and everyone's support..just a thought about ** ..we could set up a private group if anybody wants to..that way nobody else could see our posts and pictures etc. I am part of two such groups and I think the person who sets it up just sets the privacy settings - what do you think?


As always, I've been reading and keep meaning to write - especially to support Lirac and to say a HUGE congrats to Sasha on her adoption news. Yesterday,  I too thought of those who were never successfull and the massive pain that must be left in their hearts - Mother's Day must be unbearable.


Our little support group here in North Wales never really grew beyond a handful of us but we have become close friends and we are trying to sort out some sort of creative writing project for ourselves. It is quite overwhelming..the number of years we were on this rollercoaster and the amazing adventures we've had along the way - have just dug out all my notes from the tx's - and all my diaries going back..just incredible!!  


Sending much love to all my amazing Abroadie ladies  - I think of you all often..and an especially bug hug to Lirac - thinking of you especially today.  


Take care


xx


----------



## Sasha B

Roze, I have told already. DD has a baby book about the journey to her being born and I ave written it in there in simple language that a small child can understand. Now she is 6 she can start reading it for herself.

Lirac, still thinking of you hun. We are all here for you.

Yes, I know a few ladies on the Reprofit thread who are still waiting to hold their baby after years of trying, cycles and loss. It is like living in grief for someone that you never knew but that you hold dear in your heart.

Bloobs, I was thinking about Isobel's twin sister on her birthday as well.

Debs, lovely to hear from you. We are so blessed to have our children, but what a journey we have all been on, literally to different parts of the word and emotionally as well. I am so thankful for each of you ladies and that we could share that journey together.

Love to you all,

Sasha xxx


----------



## Grumpygirl

Hello lovelies,
Long time no post... not sure I've even thanked the fab Crusoe for my birthday wishes at new year! But thanks...  

Lirac, so sorry to hear about your bfn. I'm sure the end of the journey is tough even with your 2 beauties. Sending you monster hugs and hope you are looking after yourself. xx

Sasha- sending you big love for your DH's anniversary. You are someone who just 'knows' and I am very grateful for your friendship. So glad you have your happy family at last- you very much deserve it. 

Can't really do personals as am forever reading and running but wanted to bob in and say hi. Might make it back here for a longer update over the Easter hols, if not- happy choc fest and happy Easter everyone  We're thinking about the telling and are making a photo story book at the moment. We've never hidden things from DD but also want to be sure she is comfortable and secure about things- maybe answering her q's about a photo book will help. We don't feel sitting down and 'telling' her is quite right at the moment as she'd not quite compute it but I guess we all know our own children and what's right for them- or hope we do! 

I'm up for a private ** group, am always blooming online, me- but that's cos hubby's a computer geek... 
Sending you all loads of love,
Giggly
xx


----------



## roze

Hi all,
Sasha, thinking of you in respect of yesterday. xx  
I looked back at earlier posts  and realised that we had probably not 'met' at that time as there wasn't a real abroadies thread as such then. 
My profile shows my posts started in 2004 but I think it was earlier and there some earlier posts lost at some point due to a server failure. I think it was 2003.  Therefore I've been on here for a decade now like many of you!  I would also like to keep in touch via ** as its more personal in a way but I would still like to keep the tradition of this thread as honestly, I don't want to leave and lock up the shop on that front. It may happen automatically but I hope not for some time as I do feel like Im coming back to the sisterhood when I log on here!  I would also like that others can read our journey and believe that they too may one day achieve their dreams. 
I seem to have two new ** friend BTW!  Hi to you too!
Off to pick up DD from her boyfriends soon where they are watching a dvd ( yes you read that right) then a relative is coming to help me as DH out seeing friends and I have to prepare for an exam tomorrow. Its all go.  Fortunately only one more day at work and that's a course day then a few days off again. 
Work is slightly better  but 6 months on they have not provided any evidence for their allegations nor have they provided a grievance outcome ( 70 days after their own deadline limit)  and no sign of the appeal hearing which will be also out of time on 2nd April. If they feel to hear the appeal I'm not sure what I can do as there is no provision for these situations.  They are out of time on everything. Even got a solicitor involved and they ignored him too  but at least they know that Im ready for a fight. 
Im feeling that they are trying to hang on buying themselves time  until there is another restructure etc. I am currently the only one of my grade left in the department as they've been appointing staff on lower  grades as its cheaper to  get more hands on deck. Its a bad time for the public sector still- we are looking at over 40% cutbacks in the next 18 months. Another cruel cull coming our way. Our department is a little protected due to what we do however it wont last indefinitely. Im therefore doing this course and hoping to do some others to improve my chances of employment . When our loft is complete ( another saga) I want to let it out to Monday to Friday people then possibly host language students and eventually do Homestay. Im also thinking of other things I could do - lots of ideas but no way of getting thing going. Hoping to hang on to this job until the twins start school in Sept 2014 as we will have more flexibility. I have been really lucky with what I have even though its been rough and Ive moaned a lot, but really the location has been a dream. However the future is not certain at all for me however DH as a teacher will be quids in due to the escalating birth rate her which is set to cause severe school place shortages for reception in 2014- the year my girls start. The future I think will be all about flexibility, creativity, and re invention but I really don't know where that will lead. Im much better spending money than making it.  I love seeing you all on ** and seeing what exciting things you are involved in and its really inspiring and teaches me a lot. Hopefully we can all keep in touch for many years.  Still would like that reunion this year- any suggestions?
We were going to go away over Easter  but its too cold so probably off to the zoo or something and some nice long relaxed lunches together. Sometimes doing nothing can be nice!  What's everyone up to over Easter?

Must go and get DD - chat later perhaps !

best wishes,

roze


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## Sasha B

Hello lovely ladies,


Just a quick reply as its late (will post properly tomorrow) but we are in Weymouth for 4 days from the end of next week if anyone lives around that area.


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Grumpygirl

V. welcome to make a pit stop on your way up or down, Sasha- text me if you like and maybe we can arrange something. Depends on your days as to what we're up to (poss trip to rellies) but be great to see you if you're around xx


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## Sasha B

Giggly, just PM'd you xxx


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## Sasha B

Just wanted to let you ladies know how much I appreciate each one of you and how it has been lovely to share in the journey, the celebrations and the sad times. Love you all . This poem for me, sums up that journey.

Sasha xxx



I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.


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## Bel

Sasha ,
Just seen this post and read out to dh. I love it and we are both so happy with the happiness that you have found!
Love it,
Bel x


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## Sasha B

Thanks Bel. I still find it hard to believe myself!    


Love to your gorgeous family xxx


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