# Question about joining groups



## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Hi all,

We are going to panel tomorrow and all being well our daughters will be home in about two and a half weeks - hooray!

They are both under two and I'm intending on joining a few of the toddler groups and baby activities in our local area - but what do I say when people ask where I've been / why we haven't been before / awkward questions reall about our background?

I just wondered what kinds of things those of you who done this have said - I don't want to tell everyone we meet that they're adopted, especially as there are some security issues for our girls.

i'd appreciate any advice - thank you!

Almost a mummy!


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Congratulations!

My experience is that people didn't ask! I just took my then 2 year old along and everyone just accepted her and me (not that anyone really spoke to me about anything other than what was happening now eg... oh potty training's a pain isn't it... blah blah!) There was nothing personal really just what was happening in the here and now..

I got really het up about it thinking they'd all be talking about pregnancy and labour and they actually don't....... I didn't really enjoy those groups (I felt that I stuck out like a sore thumb, but that was just me - nobody made me feel uncomfortable at all) and I was glad when it was time for her to go to pre-school! She did get a lot out of the groups though.

As yours are younger and you're likely to to be going for longer I would wait and see if you make friendships and then you'll know what to say...

Our daughter goes to school now and nobody is remotely interested in anybody's adoptive or non-adoptive status. I doubt it's passed anybody's minds... there are lots of families with different set-ups and all have their own 'issues' - we're just one of many ... even the people on our road who have children at her school don't even mention it - at first they'd ask how she was settling in but now it's old news and she's just another child (to them at least!!)

Hope that's put your mind at rest and good luck! x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Little boy is younger than this but everyone has just assumed I hadn't got round to going before (most people joined a bit before we did, but some didn't, we were overseas with him at first so a bit hard to go along!).

Many of the groups are only for X age (there's a cheaper swimming lesson here for over-2s but we are in the expensive under-2s but I'm switching when he's older!), or they have a bit of a natural break (they are more suitable for children who are walking or who are talking, for example). Some friends from one group I go to went to a different group and felt a bit unwelcome because it was mainly boisterous toddlers - so no-one else really goes till their child is older.


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Thank you Jitterbug and The Spouses for your replies, you've certainly put my mind at rest - suppose I was over-thinking it!

We were approved at matching panel today so my beautiful daughters will be with us in a week and a half - so excited now - can't wait to get stuck into all things mummy including mums and tots groups. My youngest LO is 5 months so still really tiny but her sister is 17 months and is used to being sociable so will be finding lots of adventures for us to have.

Thanks again,
xxx


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Wow! brilliant! Congratulations and enjoy intros! x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

They're the perfect age to join lots of the groups - a lot of people who have their second quite close to their first stay home with the two of them for a while! Just be prepared for a lot of questions about why you had them so close together   .


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