# TTC at 44 years old



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Hello, I am new here on this forum.
I am 44 years old and with my partner (45) we have been trying to conceive for 18 months. We have had various fertility tests done (uterus and fallopian tubes scans, hysteroscopy, laparoscopy, and all the various blood tests and semen analysis. All came back as normal and my amh is even quite high for my age, 14.8, but of course this does not say anything about the quality of my eggs which must be really compromised now. 
We met with a fertility doctor last week (at guys) who did not recommend us  to go through IVF as it is costly and invasive procedure for very low success rate (2 to 5%) at my age. We left feeling quite confused, as all the other consultants we met though the fertility testing in the NHS, kept urging us to go consider IVF as our last option, but also very disappointed as what are the other options now? I am considering ED as time is ticking. 
Is there anyone else here in this situation? Have people eventually conceived naturally? Or are there people who conceived with ED?
Also, the odd thing happened in this cycle, my period came barely a week after ovulation (which date was tracked with the ovulation test) and much lighter than usual (some red blood, sorry for the details, and barely lasted two days). My periods were not due before Friday (so that's a week early) is that my pre menopause kicking in ? :-(


----------



## razzyCup (Jan 28, 2016)

Hi there - I can’t offer any advice as I am also seeking answers but couldn’t read & run as we sound a little similar. I am 46 TTC although already blessed with one child. I’m thinking about ED and have just had NHS Consultation. Booked in for HSG, & sent away with leaflets on lap test etc. Been told own egg IVF no go but ED is really what I feel drawn to. Obviously I have no news on success as I know that’s what you are keen to find. I would also love to hear of ladies 44/45/46/47 plus who have tried ED. Sending good thoughts your way.


----------



## Muckipup (Mar 13, 2016)

Although I haven’t had success so far, I’m 45 and about to start my 1st DE cycle (After 3 OE ivf cycles) I’m with a private clinic, not NHS. We’ve chosen and bought our eggs (6) and they’re sitting in a freezer waiting for me to get to the correct point in my cycle...cycle starts within the next week! It actually feels energising to be doing something differently, and to have some hope again. I can’t help but be excited, although I know there are no guarantees...
I read on here (sorry, can’t remember who said it), that paying for a DE cycle was like investing in their future mental health, because they would know that they’d tried everything, and have no ‘what if’s’ x x x


----------



## CurlyGirl1225 (Jun 26, 2013)

H
I’m 45. Two years ago after many failed OE cycles I moved to ED inSpsin. Pregnant first go. My baby is fast asleep upstairs. 

I don’t regret ED one single bit. She’s mine.


----------



## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I was 46 when I had my boys after first DE treatment abroad.  Wish I had switched to DE before instead of wasting money and years of futile attempts with OE. 
TCCx


----------



## walnut123 (Jun 9, 2008)

I had my first DE treatment abroad at 47 and was successful on that first attempt, and had my second DE treatment (in a different country) and was successful again at 49. Go for it!


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi blue1006,

I'm sorry to be blunt but it is extremely (lottery win, lightning strike) unlikely to conceive naturally and successfully deliver at 44. 

All the celebs like Janet Jackson & people like that, they invariably have DE, they just neglect to mention that, creating a false impression of what's possible in nature & what isn't. 

Your consultant is right about OE IVF - it would be unethical to take money off you for that. Personally, I don't believe in OE after 40 due to low odds but there are plenty 40-42 say who have just squeaked in. 

With DE however, your chances are stellar. What's more, you would be giving your child/ren a great health advantage by being conceived from young eggs. 

It's a no brainer. I really do hope you get your longed for baby.

B x


----------



## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I agree with bomsh311 - the celebrities who feature their 'miracle' babies - have used either surrogates or DE over a certain age. 
Walnut - I'm like you, I had my son when I was 47 using DE and then from same batch of embryos, had FET and my daughter was born when I was 47. I'm currently planning a further cycle to use remaining embryos, and I'm 51.
DE is definitely the way forward. My children are my life and they are my 'babies' - no doubts about it!


----------



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Thank you everyone for your messages and for sharing your experience. That's very valuable.
I had a call today with a consultant at Barcelona IVF. They too 'advised' me to go for DE considering that I am 44. 
Has anyone had any experience or heard anything about their reputation? They explained that they usually aim for 8 ovocytes from the DE and with this try to produce (a minimum) of 2 blastocysts. It seemed like a low number of blastocysts, especially since if it does not work out the first time around, all you have is one blastocyst to try with. Did your clinic also aim for two blastocysts?
The overall cost is €7980 (inc. of €1000 medications for donor) and if it does not work with the first cycle, the transfer of the second blastocyst is €1200. It is definitely more experience than IVF with OE but my understanding is that it is cheaper than DE IVF in the UK?


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

blue1006,

I went to Spain and whilst I used a different clinic the info you have been given sounds pretty similar accounting for inflation. 

Spain isn't cheaper than the UK for DE, especially when you factor in travel, accommodation etc. 

People go for different reasons - less wait, younger potentially healthier egg donors (they get paid a fee and are not doing it because they need IVF themselves) - this has changed recently in the UK but most donors here are still egg sharers. They could be completely healthy and have male factor etc but there will be a cohort with "unexplained" infertility and the average age of sharers is older as they are wanting a family, not young university students earning some extra cash. 

Anonymity is also a big deciding factor - in Spain DE is anonymous. You will never be on any kind of register like the HFEA here and NOBODY need know unless YOU CHOOSE to tell them. Not saying one way is right or wrong, but for me I had a strong preference for anon. Even your obstetrician, although they will likely suspect due to your age, will not know, and of course you could have frozen your own eggs/embryos some years prior. On the other hand, anon is a problem for some people as they want their child to know and have some means to find out about/contact the donor. You have to decide which is you. 

Number transferred - at the time I went, you could transfer 3 in Spain, whereas the UK were aggressively pushing SET. I think the balance has now evened up here. 

Donor safety - spain use milder stim doses and aim for lower numbers of eggs like you were told, and Spanish clinics have lower OHSS rates than UK. UK are still using higher (although this has improved) gonadotropin doses, particularly for egg sharing cycles where ideally enough eggs need to be harvested to serve 2 women. Having had painful OHSS twice, I was keen for my own donor not to be put at risk.

Another reason for me was my age and ovarian reserve, although I appreciate it is not relevant to this thread. I chose DE for non-typical reasons at 31 with tons of good quality eggs of my own. The Spanish clinic respected my choice, whereas I had been told by a UK consultant no way would anyone "waste" donor eggs on me when I was capable of using my own. 

I had a really good experience in Spain & felt really safe & confident there. You are always best dealing direct with the clinics, no need to go through some expensive middle man scheme which are being promoted. They all have English speaking coordinators and whilst I can speak some Spanish, this was not at all necessary. 

Good luck,

B x


----------



## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Czech Republic is best value and excellent success rates.  I would have gone there except they don't accept single women.  I was considering Spain but when they wouldn't let me have any input into choice of female or male donors I went for Cyprus which was cheaper and allowed me to choose my donors.  Cyprus is very multicultural and can match all characteristics.  My donor was in fact British and I was offer Greek and Belgian female donors.  I paid around £5000 for everything except flights and accommodation which were very cheap.  Flights £125 return and accommodation for 1 bed apartment €25 a night as out of season. I had 8 blasts in total. 
TCCx


----------



## Stacey10 (Jun 7, 2013)

I went to the Czech Republic, and it’s waaay cheaper than Spain, €4500 and the clinic I went to guaranteed 2 day 5 blasts. They generally get around 10 eggs at pick up and depending on how the aperm and eggs get along, you can have anywhere from 2-5 blasts. The fets were €500.
I’ve also been to north Cyprus, unfortunately that cycle wasn’t successful, just tossing up whether to return. 
I was 46 when I first went to Czech, then 49 for the fet. I got pregnant with my last oe baby at 44.


----------



## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I went with CARE Sheffield, I think the cost of fresh cycle was round about £6,000 but that was in 2013. The FET obviously cheaper. I believe that Spain is no cheaper than UK. I was happy with my treatment and am currently planning a further cycle to try for no 3! 
My donor was an egg sharer aged 34, so although I know lots of women want younger donors and the stats are better, for me it worked out fine. I think the clinic aims to get 8 eggs and take to blastocyst if possible. I got 12 eggs from my donor so happy about this, all fertilized and 4 went to blasts. I had one transferred and was successful, the remaining 3 embryos were frozen and I was again successful with FET. I have two in storage and am planning to use them this year. So although the worry is about not having enough embryos to work with, if they are strong enough to go to blast stage, you have a very good chance of success. Again, if they are strong enough to freeze, I was told by my clinic that the odds are good as they are obviously good quality embryos. I know there are other factors involved as well.


----------



## rainbows44 (Oct 12, 2018)

hello there, i am also trying to conceive at age 44.5 and I am going to use my own eggs. Yes the odds of getting a good egg are lower but it is possible. A lot of people try to push you to use donor eggs but if you want to, you could try your own eggs first. You only need 1 of good quality.

and it is not impossible. it does happen that women do conceive with their own eggs past age 44. If you are menstruating regularly and your FSH is good, you have a chance.


----------



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Hi Rainbows, thank you for your message and share of opinion. 
You're right, it is not impossible. I suppose for me, as well as being discouraged by the consultant (who in fact even said I said we had better chances conceiving naturally than IVF OE, which left me and DH very confused) but the added factor recently was to hear my latest AMH results, which has gone down from 14.8 a year ago to 5.2...How is it possible that this got down so much in just 12 months?? Aside this, I seem to be ovulating every month, and have regular cycles, and normal FHS but low AMH now got me even less confident about using OE...
May I ask which clinic you have chosen to go for IVF OE?


----------



## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

You could do Tandem Cycle abroad if you really want a shot at OE.  Tandem is where a donor is stimulated same time as you then all eggs collected are taken to day 5 embryos.  You can then have a choice to put in your own if any left or the donor or combination of both.  This way you will always get to transfer rather than there being nothing after a solely OE cycle.
TCCx


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Yes there were women doing Tandem in Cyprus when I was there! To me it seemed like having a dog and barking yourself - I chose DE to AVOID stimms - but I can see how it is potentially a great option for those who want to have faith in the face of very small odds _and_ perceive OE conception as being advantageous in some way.

Assuming you got some OE embryos you can transfer a combination of OE & DE & if you have a baby you can retain that small possibility that it came from your own egg and never know.

It may be well worth looking into if you are happy to travel (it is not done in UK).

Your consultant is right that (unless you have issues other than age such as tubal or male factor that necessitate IVF), your chances of conceiving naturally ARE better than IVF - you have a chance each month rather than each time you've saved up 5 or 6k, and if you start IVF & it doesn't work the drugs can throw your cycle out of whack for months so you are losing further chances at natural conception.

B x


----------



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Thanks Bombshell, that's a good point actually about the cycle being messed up for a few months after IVF as a result of the hormone drugs intake. This is something that had crossed my mind. 
Yesterday, me and my partner met with a fertility counsellor and although it had been good in so far as putting words on our feelings about going for DE and generally about what it would mean to become a parent, I left with perhaps more questions than answers. This counsellor had quite strong views about the issue and ethics around anonymity in the case of DE. My first incline was: it would be better not to know, ever, who the donor is, her point was: yes but what about the child, maybe they would want to know their origin later on in life. So, now I am back to wondering whether going to Spain or Greece is the option (Guys' ACU had links with clinics there and thus recommended we explore that option as cheaper than in the UK and quicker since the anonymity means that they have more donors available) or should we stay in the UK. She gave us a leaflet on an association called donor conception network to get information and attend workshop on this topic. She may have a point, I don't know yet. In any case I feel I should consider this matter in a bit more depth but this means investing yet more time, more investigation and if we decide to stick to the UK for DE it will definitely be more expensive and probably longer waiting list for a donor??


----------



## s1974 (Jun 25, 2011)

My situation is different.... pregnant with DE from Spain in third attempt,  but my amh was very low and I definitely had become perimenopause.  

With your AMH, if I was in your position, I would be willing to try a couple of cycles.  Some clinics are better at this than others in the UK but I haven't researched that myself. 

Also you could try and improve egg quality to raise your chances, but it takes at least 3, more like 6 months to do that I think.  

Or if you really aren't bothered about genetic then go for DE but it doesn't always work first time by any stretch and be prepared for an 18 month project to try and get pregnant. 

Good luck!


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi blue1006,

I know some people have really strong views about the importance of OE/DE, & even more so about telling, anonymity etc but I think it is wrong of a counsellor to be pushing their own views. Some people do really benefit from talking things through, I never had any form of counselling - we were offered it as a tick box exercise prior to our NHS self funded cycle, which was to be OE anyway so DE wouldn't have been discussed, but I declined it as I didn't see the point.

By that time I'd had 18 months to come to terms with the sudden loss of my fertility at 31 through illness & already done one IVF cycle & miscarried, & the way I saw it the only thing that was going to make me happy was a baby, not any amount of talking, but everyone is different.

I did my first cycle in Cyprus and that was where I learned DE existed and met women at the hotel who were doing it, saw how easy it was compared to what I was going through (I thought I had 5 days clear between EC and ET when I could eat drink & do what I wanted & literally had my hotpants & clubbing shoes in my suitcase - in reality I spent that time lying on the bed in the hotel crying in pain with OHSS), & that's when the DE seed was planted for me. Nobody would have suggested it to me at that age. 

DCN is probably a good option if you want to meet other people & share experiences, however they seem to have a very pro-telling agenda. I only know this second hand because I've never had any dealings with them myself - it depends how big a deal a person chooses to make out of the fact they used one cell from another person. For me it was a non-issue & not something I needed to spend hours wringing my hands over, it was a means to an end and I simply see myself as an IVF mum (ie that my baby was incredibly wanted & hard fought for) rather than identifying as a donor conceived family. There's no trail, & my daughter is my spitting image. Only my husband knows & I don't think even he really understood the mechanics - it was simply another location he had to w*nk in then get a plane home. 

I understand it probably would be harder (but not impossible) to conceal at 44 - nobody ever questioned whether I'd used my own eggs during my antenatal care but why would they at 32, and also I can tell right now you feel you would be happier if you could use your own eggs, whereas I was off to Spain with almost indecent haste after my second cycle was cancelled for OHSS, absolutely buzzing that I didn't have to stim again.  

It may be worth, to straighten things out in your own mind, to try and make a list of all the reasons you can think of, however small or silly, why OE would be better than DE. You will probably quickly find yourself chewing your pencil  

B x


----------



## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I agree with Bombsh3ll that it is just a cell. I am a member of DCN and I am aware that they are very pro telling, but I think it is down to how we feel personally. I do intend to be open, but I don't want to make a big issue of it either. To me, I am their mum and that is the end of it. The donor is not their mum, she gave me a tiny cell. My children are beautiful and precious to me, and I don't care how they were conceived. Although I am an older mum, no one I know has ever questioned whether they are my OE or not. The only one who currently knows is my sister. 
Just to say, I understand that treatment in Spain is comparable in price to the UK, although I think Greece and Cyprus are cheaper. The waiting lists are not always as long in the UK as they are perceived. You would need to check with each clinic. I only waited 6 weeks for my donor but that was back in 2013 when I had treatment.


----------



## Guest (Feb 8, 2019)

Hi, I am in the same boat as you. Started to try to conceive at 40 moved to ivf at 41 and after 4 cycles then 6 banking no success, always had blasts to transfer but failed. Moved clinics in January to create London and started a cycle there at 43, will be 44 in April. We did natural modified, 3 embryos, 2 transferred at day 5 early blasts but bfn. Now after 5 failed transfers I just don’t know wether to cotinue or move to DE. RE is discussing my case as numbers are still ok and will ring me next Thursday to confirm how to proceed. DH wants to keep trying and thinks natural cycle might suit me best, he doesn’t want DE. My feeling is maybe 3 banking natural cycles would give us the best chance( the more drugs I use the worst results I get )but again it is a lot of money. 
My main issue with DE is rather to use anonymous v non annoymous so Zlin Czech Republic or UK. I would definitely want to tell the child after teenage years or maybe before as I wouldn’t want to lie but also think you shouldn’t make a big deal out of it, it just all seems like a lot to handle if you picture the baby as a teenager or adult and how they will feel. Also there is the sibling thing, the child could have 10 siblings and not be able to contact or find any of them, that really freaks me out. As I am 50/50 on DE and my partner is no (at the moment )am not sure if we would go ahead as with all those doubts not fair on the child, I think if you are sure then it makes the process easier as you are willing to cope with whatever comes up.
Anyway hopefully we will get lucky or if not feelings on DE will change as it definitely does all the time in this process!


----------



## Yogi74 (May 8, 2017)

Hi. Just to say we have had our first donor egg aged 44 after 4 fails. Our doctor at Guys basically told us that donor was the way forward and not to waste any more time and money on that elusive one more go......  once I had my head around the idea not a problem and we also stuck with Guys and I am now sitting here 15 weeks pregnant.  Couldn’t be happier. Xx


----------



## Amadeus (Mar 13, 2018)

Blue, I am 46. At 44 we decided that our best chance to use own eggs was thru PGS. I was also lucky that my AMH was high. After 3 egg collections we sent 25 five day embryos for testing. 5 came back normal. We could have done transfer after transfer or just get lucky but the numbers just speak for themselves. I got BFP after first transfer but transferred too late and that probably caused miscarriage. Second transfer was a disaster due to the cervical scarring. Third worked, almost 15 weeks now. I think it is all possible but all comes down how much time and money you can invest....


----------



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Hi everyone, thank you so much for sharing your experiences, that's so valuable.
We are scheduled to meet with the fertility counsellor at Guy's at the start of March, also it would be probably helpful to join DCN to get our heads around anonymity and decide whether to go abroad or stay in the UK for DE.
But perhaps once you carry the child the issue of DE becomes less important, at the moment for me and my partner it is very much a focus with all questions which arise from this. 
Amazing news Yogi and Amadeus, congratulations!! Amadeus, may I ask you what your AMH was and if you already had children before going for IVF? I never had any children before and my AMH is 5.2 so that may be also why I was discouraged to try with my own eggs. Also, has anyone had any IUI, I guess at my age the success rate would be really low?...


----------



## Amadeus (Mar 13, 2018)

Blue, sure thing. At the time of egg collection my AMH was around 17. This will be my first.  I know this is such a hard decision - best of luck whichever way you and your partner decide to go.


----------



## Guest (Feb 11, 2019)

Amados, those are amazing numbers, to get that many day 5 embryos and that many normals you are very lucky. My amh is only 1.4 but I just keep producing eggs and keeping getting to day 5 and I think that gives my OH false hope that we will find that egg! I think to get him to even think about donor egg he would need to know that it is hopeless with my eggs. I have noticed that definitely more drugs my eggs are worse so maybe with the knowledge of this natural ivf is worth a shot as it might suit me and if I do 3 rounds then you never know. We are lucky in that ivf hasn’t put us into debt and we do have the money for these last few rounds and if that fails then for DE but my thing is age. I am getting older and older and have a hard time thinking about being a mother at 45. I am very close to my sister and her 2 kids so have helped out a lot and done the whole school runs,dinners, taking care of them it is is bloody hard work, the love is lovely but it is hard.Sometimes I think I would be a happy to just move on with my life and my career which has stalled for the last 3 years because of ivf, but my OH wants to give it another shot.Will see what RE says on Thursday and keep everyone updated as I know it helps others make decisions to see what is recommended.


----------



## Amadeus (Mar 13, 2018)

Hi Amanda – I so hear you. After a while on this bandwagon  I stopped feeling excited or hopeful. I just  felt like a hostage and developed no so good, just get on with attitude. At some point of time I also reconciled myself with whatever will be, it will be ok – life and joy of life comes in so many shapes and forms, things are taken away from us in a split of a second. I decided that whatever the road is I prefer to enjoy what I have vs what I do not have. This was much harder on my partner - but even he started to come around to the idea that there was a good life ahead, children or not.  Keep us posted!


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Congrats to all on the thread with BFPs regardless of OE/DE use!

I just wanted to say it makes me so sad to see people agonizing over something that really only ever needs to be an issue if you make it one, & it is standing in between the heartbreak of infertility & potentially a happy ending. 

A donor egg is literally one cell. They make sure the donor is phenotypically plausible, so you will not get a child whose appearance sticks out like a sore thumb in your family.

When I gave birth, I haemorrhaged severely & nearly lost my life. 20 units of blood & blood products were transfused into me - how many cells from kind, selfless people did that contain, & how silly would it be fretting over the one cell that came from someone else at conception! 

We share about 99.99% of our DNA with chimpanzees anyway. It REALLY doesn't matter where one cell came from, compared to the joy of having a baby. Nobody has to feel like they are cheating or getting something they don't deserve, or guilty or a failure. I had tons of good quality eggs but I made a positive choice to use DE at 31, it really shouldn't be the shameful, stigmatized, last ditch, second rate thing that some people seem to perceive it as. 

B xx


----------



## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Amadeus - congrats on your pregnancy, and I am sure you will be a fantastic mum 
bombsh3ll - I think (many) ladies who are considering IVF DE will be inspired by your wise words x


----------



## Guest (Feb 12, 2019)

I think it is a big deal because of the child and how they will feel, if it wasn’t a big deal then we wouldn’t tell the child but I think you have to because it is so important. Also the sibling part that really concerns me for the child to not know about siblings under a annoymous donor when there could be 10-20.For me I wish I could be one of those people who could think it is only a cell, it is but it is one very important one, and I tend to over think things so for that kind of person donor egg and all the scenarios that could is a nightmare. 
I have been looking into it and the more I read especially stories from donor children the more confused I get but I do think if I can stop over thinking all the different angles I would go for non annoymous as I think it is only fair that a child should have option of finding out about that side of themselves. But unfortunately I know even though that maybe my peferencene it might not happen that way as time and finding a donor could run out.
It is all so confusing and I don’t think any of us thought we would find ourselves in this situation!


----------



## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I do totally understand the angst some women go through when considering donor eggs, and I think we all need to work through it at our own pace to come to acceptance of it or not. Only we can make that decision. Personally, I feel that the media fuels some of the anxiety about using DE, by portraying it very often in a negative light, and I don't think that celebrities help by not revealing that they've gone down this route as it creates a false view that it is often possible to have a baby from OE in your 40s and 50s. Not that it isn't possible, but its much more unlikely. 
I applaud Bombshll3 for her honest post and the sentiments in it. I totally agree. I sometimes get tired of the negative feeling about DE and the assumption that it is a last ditch/second best option. It's not. I think anyone contemplating fertility treatment needs to be totally honest about their chances of having a baby with OE and if the odds are not good, seriously consider DE. They need to ask the question 'Do I want the best chance of having a healthy baby' If this is the case, DE is a very  good option. I don't consider my beautiful children to  be second best. They were conceived from a cell from a donor but were nurtured in my womb, were fed my breast milk and are comforted by my arms, not anyone else's. They love me and I am not naïve and realise there may be difficult questions ahead, but I hope they are secure enough in my love and that of my family, to feel that they are part of me and that the donor is not their mother. From that cell, if it had grown in someone else, they would not like they are now. I have participated in their development. I would never be without them. I went straight to double donation as I am single and was over 40. I could not afford endless attempts with OE and wanted the best chance of a healthy baby. I feel blessed with my two gorgeous children.


----------



## Guest (Feb 13, 2019)

I understand what you are saying and yes it would be soooo much better of these celebrities would stop lying and tell the truth as it makes people look at us aswell and say well if they can get pregnant why can’t you! There was even the women who have quads on itv at 51 in Greece claiming it was her eggs, I mean come on this is just ridiculous and it makes other women think Ivf is some kind of magic as we all know it isn’t.
I admire that you are very confident in your choice and your are happy with how it has worked out, I guess for me there are so many doubts but in the end I feel if I am told on Thursday that natural Ivf is just like flushing your money down the toilet then I do only have one choice if we want a baby and maybe we can get though those doubts and think about the positive sides. 
It’s funny how my sister was dead against it saying people should adopt but then when I said we were considering it she was so excited that she might get to be an aunt I had to remind her considering not doing and she was against it before, she was like that was in the past, a baby, it would be great!


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I would have actually loved to adopt initially (although I am obviously so happy and grateful to have my daughter now & wouldn't change a hair on her head), as my feeling at that time, knowing I had no possibility of natural conception, was that I'd rather have given a home to a child already in the world who needed a family than put myself through painful & invasive treatment with low success rates & potential long term health risks, & DNA really didn't matter to me. 

We tried adoption as our first preference but unfortunately the hoops involved were just too high and narrow to clear for us, & the process was in fact more invasive & protracted than IVF, happened entirely on somebody else's schedule with no control for us, & equally came with no guarantee of a child at the end, so having hit a brick wall there I felt forced into IVF as my only remaining way to have a child.

That seems to be the other way about from most people's approach, but maybe I just went into it with a different perspective from the start. I later found out about embryo adoption (when I had already committed to fresh DE) but if I'd known that existed at an earlier point in my journey, it would probably have been my next move after crossing off post-birth adoption. 

B x


----------



## Guest (Feb 13, 2019)

I can completely see that and you know these days they make adoption so hard when it should be easier given people will turn to ivf. I have a friend who adopted and after 8 years with the 2 sisters adopted at 6&8 they have left him and his wife and have gone back to their birth mother. Social services did nothing and actual encouraged communication with birth mother, even though she has 3 other children and father of girls in prison for murder. She is not stable but all social services care about is birth mother and not the children, so yes I think donor embryo/egg is better over adoption but only because the way it is handled today.I like you would have considered it but not now maybe 30 years ago and you know this is so sad, councils need to think of child not birth parents!


----------



## Guest (Feb 18, 2019)

You all might think I am mad on this thread but after talking to RE and she asking the committee ( all the  RE’s discuss their cases and give ideas and suggestions every week) she thinks I should do one more natural modified ivf given I got 2 to blast last time. I know odds are low she said 9% per cycle in her clinic so I suggested if I did a 3 cycle package what would she think, and she thinks that would be a good idea last roll of the dice. Would start April and do April&May and transfer June ( am 44 in April ). This is really last chance saloon But am going to go for it as don’t want regrets. My partner Is not keen on DE and wouldn’t really discuss it so last chance OE is the only way to go. I think if that fails then maybe he will realise that my eggs won’t work and if we do want a baby DE is the only way. Let’s see we keep he updated.


----------



## rainbows44 (Oct 12, 2018)

Hello there, sorry for late reply. YES you have a chance with your own egg, and you can try that first, because you can carry a donor egg a lot later than you can use your own eggs. So no harm done if you just take a year or two to try your own eggs first.

I am doing ICSI in Australia using donor sperm and my own egg IVF. Australia, you can do it - but you have to pay it's not free like the NHS. Costs a lot - including meds it cost about AUD$10,000 per go.

Don't let them discourage you just try with your own eggs first on ICSI or IVF (same thing, ICSI just injects the sperm into the egg so it you use 1 straw instead of about 6 straws  - but since you have a husband with unlimited sperm that's no problem so you can do IVF which is a bit cheaper and a tad more natural as the sperm go into the eggs by themselves)


----------



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Hello everyone,
Thank you again for all the previous very interesting sharing of experiences here.
Since I last posted there has been lots processing of thoughts and feelings about DE. 
My partner and I are now ready to start the journey with DE IVF and are in the process of researching the clinic which would suit us best. 
We have not decided yet whether to go abroad or stay in the UK for the procedure. We had a couple of appointments at Guys hospital and the consultant told us about their association with a clinic in Greece. The clinic there provide the donor and organise the transfer of embryo whilst Guys would deal with all the needed tests and scans on me. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with that clinic: Iakentro? They are in Thessaloniki.
I also contacted an UK donor agency, New Life, who warned me about the long waiting time, not so much on their part in finding a donor, but with Guys as it is a very busy clinic. This really disheartened me as we felt quite settled and happy with Guys, partly because of a good relationship that developed with the consultant. However, the woman from New Life advised us not to get attached to consultants and just stick to research and make best decision based on the facts we could gather. She recommended two clinics, which apparently have shorter waiting time for the procedures: The Centre for Reproductive and Genetic Health and The Fertility & Gynaecology Academy. But they are both around £10K +
Has anyone had experience with them? Or, would anyone recommend an UK clinic? 
I find very difficult to decide on whether to go abroad or stay in the UK. I know that if we go abroad we are potentially (I said 'potentially' as we can not anticipate whether this would be important for the child or not) depriving our child to ever find out who their donor are (and any potential half siblings). Also, my partner favours the UK as he feels nervous about the lack of traceability with donors abroad. 
Could it be that some donors hide some important information, especially regarding genetic diseases, to ensure they are selected as donors. 
I feel reassured that Iakentro has a long association with Guys and do write on their website that their donor, although compensated, which is normal obviously, do this for altruistic reasons but can't help wondering about the issue around anonymity, and particularly whether it gives individuals less of a responsibility for their actions. 
But, on the other hand, the UK has a longer waiting time (unless this is a misconception based on the situation with my current clinic) and is more expensive (nearly double the fee in Greece). Those two factors have big bearings for us. 
Any thoughts, suggestions would be really welcome. Thank you.


----------



## Guest (May 11, 2019)

Well done in making the decision. I am still trying with OE at 44 so very little chance. With DE where ever you go to do it remember with dna testing now and sibling DE databases, anonymous is not really anonymous, I feel in 5-10 years DE will be less as donors realise they can’t stay anonymous. I personally have looked at a few and feel Russia where you get way more information on donors is better. Plus think about colouring, I see too many cases of people using Spain especially where the child ends up having dark skin, reason being they match on the donor and not the family. In this case I worry for the child as they may not have sense of belonging, for me the donor would have to match my characteristics, some people don’t mind but is important to me. Have you heard of ivf traveller she helps with picking a clinic for a fee and helps with arrangements. 

This is such a hard decision to make and so many options. I think also must people aboard Greece, Russia and Czech Republic in particularly do donation for money almost 60-70%. Russia pays the donor more around 1000-1200 others 600-700. I think if you get caught up on this wanting an altruistic donor it really isn’t realistic unless you go for English non annoymous but to be fair looking at donor egg DB London almost 50-60% are Europeans so again doing for money purposes. I think this is something we need to accept it is a transaction of sorts on an egg that the person wouldn’t use that month anyway so that child would never come into existence without you and your husband that I think is better to focus on and that the donor is someone who is happy to do this and is also gaining from this.

Keep us updated on  what you decided as in few months I may also be going this route if I feel the pros out weigh the cons as you and your husband have decided.


----------



## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Hi Blue,

I’ve not read back on all the updates here, but just thought I’d add one since I’m the same age as you and had 5 OE transfers both in the UK & abroad, before moving onto DE abroad at 43. I had several OE miscarriages (both naturally conceived & via ivf), but am currently 17 weeks pregnant following a successful transfer of 2 good quality DD blastocysts from a Greek clinic (Serum). I also had 2 disastrous DE transfers in Russia. 

This current one was my 9th transfer! I’d definitely move onto DE at this point if time, energy & money are concerns for you by mid-40’s. I’m very happy with my clinic, but I think people are always likely to be happy with the clinic they were successful at, wherever it was! 😊

Anyway just wanted to wish you luck wherever you decide to go for treatment. Feel free to PM if I can help x


----------



## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

> I'm very happy with my clinic, but I think people are always likely to be happy with the clinic they were successful at, wherever it was! &#128522;


 I think it is logical, as a person usually praises a place/smth/smb that helped them to fulfil their dreams.


----------

