# Saw my GP today



## yanni (May 9, 2005)

I went to see my GP today to tell her of our decision not to carry on with our dream of ED in India next year. I cried loads and spoke loads, she is great and understands me fully (as she has had ICSI twice and it worked both times) so she understands to some degree. she has prescibed me some tablets just to help me over this period and I will see her on a fortnightly basis. 

I feel down at the moment and notice every baby every child every beautiful little girls dress outfits for toddlers it's all there in front of me! Even today I stopped behind a car which had those signs in the back window 'Baby on Board' yes fine but surely we should drive carefully for everyone in a car! Why are we so child focused in this country, everything seems to revolve round children. Even child places for parents with children at supermarkets have their own car spaces 'can't the parents walk like the rest of us. There are just too many perks for families, hellooo.............we exist too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay I have had my rant for the day, and feel so much better 

Jackie


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## Spangle122 (Sep 18, 2006)

Hi Yanni

I do not have any words of wisdom I just wanted to give you a huge   and say I think you rant is very justified!!

Take care hun, I hope things get better for you.

LOL Spangle. x


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there yanni

I just wanted to add a quick line of support, you're going through a really tough time at the moment and well done you for going to see your GP.

I'm sure we can all relate to the noticing every baby, cute dress, happy family, baby on board/car contains a princess warning triangle ( ) and it's a real challenge.

I'm a couple of years into this Living Childless/Free thing and from time to time it still happens but the emotion goes out of it.

Good luck and as they say in Turkey, may it pass quickly.

flipper


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Jackie - snap! I just posted about supermarket parking. I agree with you - and I think it is actually quite offensive. And I relate to you seeing little pink outfits - that used to set me off for ages. When we see 'Baby on Board' stickers dh and I say (often in unison) "As long as it isn't driving..." 
I think your rant is justified - we hear you sister! I'm glad you are seeing your doctor and that she is sympathetic. Take it easy.
Love n hugs,
Bernie xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Myownangel said:


> supermarket parking. I agree with you - and I think it is actually quite offensive.


Me too. Where are the parking spaces that would be _really _ useful, huh?? I mean, where are the "woman shopping on her own on a dark night" spaces?


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi Everyone

l came across this twice in the last four days, my dh surprised me for my 40th birthday a 5* 4days in rome, he said before we went this break is for you and try not to think about the horrid thing we have dealt with, well first on the plane going we was in the seats on the aile and there was a older lady and her dh next to me and a couple turned up with a child next to my dh, we ignored it and then suddenly the air hostess asked my husband if he could move 3 seat behind him as the couple said that they needed another seat for there child so which meant i could not sit next to my dh,my dh was completely gob smacked and moved. well i was so angry and shouted down at my dh and said know this is not going to happen and i called the air hostess and said have they paid for that extra seat she said no, so i said well move them as they are given the option, she said but they have child, yes they do so book another seat dont expect people who carnt have children to always be the ones to help out, i felt the like crying with anger they moved us to the front and she apologised to me but felt to late, we also got an extra 1/2 hour wait at customs as they were letting loads of people with prams and childen in first, sorry to moan but did not help me this weekend felt guilty as i had moaned ( why )

bell xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi ladies

oh just read my post back and l am feeling really guilty, sorry but need to get of my chest as i sat in my new seat and felt bad as i really did not mean to say what i said but my heart went into gear not my brain, why do we always feel so bad, but then this lovely lady said ( dont get upset as they should pay for another seat thats why having childen is so expensive, not to think that they are owed anything because they have children,) 

sorry 

bell xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Bell

Please don't feel bad cause you can bet that the cheeky minx that played the 'but I have a baby card' to bag an extra seat doesn't feel bad at all. She is probably more annoyed that she didn't get her own way, oh well do we care - NO.

Some old friends of mine (I say old as I have never spoken to them since this incident) played the baby card with me when I was at the supermarket. I was shopping on my own and had forgotten something so after I put everything onto the aisle and knew I had a few mins until the checkout lady got to me, I dashed off to get the item. When I returned a friend of mine just happened to be next in the queue and was trying to move my stuff so he could go first. I was like, hello I was here first so budge over. He then got all cross that I shouldn't have left my place and that he had a baby that needed feeding. But I didn't care as by this stage I was fuming. As I proceeded, along came his girlfriend who had forgotten something and had had to go back for it. So I was like saying so you can go back for something because you came shopping together but I can't. At the time I was at the beginning of our fertility journey and a complete wreck, he made me feel that his life was more important than mine because he had a child. The truth was he wasn't getting any sleep and was in a bad mood because of it. I make allowances for parents quite a lot as it is very hard work but not when I am taken for granted or spoken to like I don't have a clue what parenthood is all about. If anyone does that to me now they get told in no uncertain words that at 36 I know enough about life (especially with what I have experienced) and children to warrant a little less patronising and bit more respect. 

You expressed a feeling that you needed to express and you did the right thing. We can't be controlled all the time. Please don't worry.
LOL
Y


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Yeah - good for you Bell - and Yamoona. R-E-S-P-E-C-T that's what it's all about! We need to stand up for our rights! I know that some days I would shy away from confrontation cos I'm just not up to it. But other days I get 'pushed' and I'm really up for it! (Not in a violent way, of course - just stating my case.) These days when I'm feeling strong I try to always speak my truth as we are the silent minority and we need to be heard.

Sometimes, I admit, I can be a bit rash. Like the time I received a 'round robin' letter from so-called friends of ours, chuntering on about how good their life was with their baby (and this was just after we had our last m/c). Anyway, I was soooo cross that I tore it up on the spot (forgetting that they had put their new address in the letter). So now I can't contact them - may be that's a good thing (!?)  
Bernie xxx


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## Guest (Sep 14, 2007)

Hey girls - I just want to say that I completely agree with all of you - the stickers, the baby stuff and all that.

I was out with a girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (just after last BFN) and told her I thought everyone with children looked smug!! I know I'm being over sensitive at the moment but that's how I feel.

About the parking - why should they have special parking spaces with extra wide bits just because they all drive stupidly big cars?? When we were kids we all packed into a tiny little Fiat 500 and all parking spaces were the same. Just park there anyway and if anyone asks you say "I'm the child and I'm here with my Mum"!! It gets you a funny look but it feels great!!

Take care all of you - girl power!

Dotty69
xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Dotty69 said:


> Fiat 500


That's what my mum drove too! What a fantastic car!


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## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

firstly Yanni, i had to get in touch just wanting to say how brave i think you are and have been.  i can't imagine the pain you have been through over such a long time. also i couldn't imagine how hard it is to decide to move on.  when we were heading that way i was in the depths of despair. my thoughts are with you big time   

however having followed the thread i felt i also had to reply to some of the posts.  not all parents go around being smug, i for one go around feeling extremely lucky not a day goes by without me oh so thankful for the way things happened in the end.

i don't have any stickers in the car as i agree we should all be careful no matter who is in the car.

the wide space is a godsend. i haven't got a big car, but it really is awkward trying to get a wee one in and out of a car seat (a legal requirement) in a narrow car parking space. in fact around 10 days before my little one was born i was extremely heavily pregnant and ended up stuck because some parked real close to me so i could open the door wide enough to get in (told ye i was big) ended up in floods. 

i honestly would never treat somebody without a child as any different than somebody with one and nor would any of my friends with children. i am sorry some of you experienced rough times from other mum, but please don't tarnish us all with the same brush.  ta


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi

Just to set a different angle on things , as I like to do   

I am on both sides  I am longing for my own children which isn't looking likely to happen but I am also a foster carer and have a 2 year old placed with me at the moment!

I used to get annoyed at the baby on board stickers in cars until I found out recently that they are there for safety reasons. If there is an accident then the emergency services can easily see that their should be a child on board. 

Also until recently I thought that the parent/child car park spaces were just ridiculous but I have to say after the last 6 times of visiting the supermarket and not parking the parent/child spaces even though little one is with me, I have started to park in them due to the fact that on 5 out of the six trips I have been unable to open the door wide enough to get him in to his seat due to the car next to me parking too close, I don't have a massive jeep etc just a "normal" size car  On these occasions I have had to leave him in trolley as side of car and get in the car and reverse out in order to get him in to his seat! which is not something I should be having to do. 

Guess what I am trying to say is that I am on both sides of the coin  I also have my really bad days where I want to rant at the world geared up for those with children, everywhere!!!! but I am also privy to the other side at the moment and some of the things that I rant about also really do help 

This is why I love FF  as we all have the same feelings and know where we are all coming from 

Big hugs  

love
Suzie xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Hi

First off, I really want to point out that nobody on this thread has suggested that "all parents go around being smug". This area of FF is a safe place for people who are unable to have children for whatever reason and are forced to move on with their lives, to come and discuss and rant about their specific concerns, emotions and fears. Parents have many places to do this. We don't. It is only fair that we are allowed our own space to do this.  

Secondly, on the issue of Parent and child parking spaces: Nobody has suggested that these spaces should not exist. I personally believe all parking spaces should be bigger. I do have a very large car, and I also have trouble opening the doors in supermarket car parks. It is my choice to have a large car and it is parent's choice to have a child. Small spaces are tough on us all.

Thirdly: on "Baby on Board" signs: Does every parent genuinely take out the sign when the baby isn't in the car? I doubt it.  

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh, but I feel very strongly this this should be a place where people in the "moving on" camp should be able to sound off safely, without judgement.


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

I dont think anyone was judging anyone! I certainly wasn't 

It was just putting another point of view across 

x


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Suzie, I'm sorry - my comments were not aimed at you.

I can only speak for myself - and maybe I'm the only one - but I do feel very judged when people for whom treatment *did * work, come to the "moving on" area and make posts regarding the feelings of those on here.

I wouldn't dream of going to a parenting forum and making pronouncements about any emotions that may be being discussed, why is it ok the other way around?

Frankly, I can only *dream * of having a belly so swollen with new life that I can't fit into my car.


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## Sue MJ (May 4, 2002)

> but I do feel very judged when people for whom treatment did work, come to the "moving on" area and make posts regarding the feelings of those on here


Fair enough, that's your safe haven so to speak, but the site is open for all and when you make the comments you have, you are 'judging' those people for whom treatment *did* work, which can be hurtful too.

I have just had a lovely coffee with someone off FF and one thing that we did discuss is how people whom haven't been as lucky as those for whom treatment *did* work seem to think that 'we' can not possibly understand what it's like to not have children or fear that we may only ever *dream* of having a belly so swollen wiht new life that we can't fit into a car. I'm afraid, even for us that are that lucky to no longer be in that situation, still have very scarred memories of the trauma infertility had on us prior to our 'luck' changing.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it really is not my intention, but I am lucky enough now to see it from the 'being a parent' side, but also have very vivid memories of seeing it from the other side too - believe me, I had more than long enough thinking I would have to be one of the ones moving on and accepting life without children.

Love,

Sue xxx

P.S. I actually think Suzie's post was very balanced and she well and truely is in a position to see things from both sides


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

I think that we are missing the point a bit .. this is supposed to be a space where women who are grieving and facing up to the fact they will probably never have a child of their own.. can speak freely and have a rant that may not be rational but it is the way they feel .. I could come on here and disagree with something but I would not dream of posting because I am not in that situation so I don't fully understand what it is going to feel like .. and I understand that part of that grieving process may well be to have a rant about things that are not at all rational but if it gives that person who is feeling so much immense pain a little release from that pain ..than I for one am not going to judge them .. and yes a woman will remember the pain of infertility but how can that compare to the pain of knowing you will never have a child. 

Cat x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

All i was trying to say is that I could see why the original poster needed the rant! I have them, think we all do   but I just wanted to reply after a member posted who has been lucky enough to be successful with tx, i felt that the members post was offering support which is what ff is about but instead they received replies basically telling her off for posting on this board etc which as far I as am aware is not what ff is about?

Also some members asked for the thread/post to be removed as they didnt think someone who has got their miracle should post on the board! and my own personal opinion is that , that is not accpetable to say people cant reply

x


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

wouldloveababycat said:


> and yes a woman will remember the pain of infertility but how can that compare to the pain of knowing you will never have a child.


I 100% agree, it never could compare. I can empathise whith those struggling with infertility because I've been there and been on my own journey with that, but no, I will never ever know what it is like to be at the end of the road with no hope. My heart breaks for those of you that are at that point.

That said, this website is a place for all, and for me there seems to be a culture developing of people not being able to post where they want because they don't meet certain criteria! By posting you are inviting differing opinions, because as it stands, people on this site can reply to whatever thread they choose. 99% of these posts are made sensitively, because nobody wants to intentionally hurt anybody else more than they already are. If you don't choose to post on a certain thread about a certain topic that you feel you have no understanding of, then that's fine, it's your choice, but the choice is there for you to make. It is not dictated to you. Surely different opinions should be able to be offered and a sensible discussion ensue with nobody's feelings being belittled or all out war! Maybe discussion could even have a positive outcome of those with opposing views having a better understanding of the others thoughts and feelings. I often stay out of these sorts of discussions, but this has stirred emotion in me and I am upset and even offended by some of the comments made on the locked thread against people with children. Why shouldn't I respond simply because of my family status. My opinions, thoughts and sensitivity are formed on more than that. I have so often avoided replying to posts because I have children, even when I may have agreed! I shouldn't have to.

Jayne x


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Wow guys, take a deep breath and try and think about each other just for a moment. Emmag honey sending you big hugs as I know how you will be feeling right now. For those of you that know me you will be aware that on this thread that is titled 'moving on' I have often put across my thoughts on behalf of parents even though I am involuntarily childless. This is because I have come a little way in accepting my status, but not all the way. Others on here are still trying to find their way and are bang in the middle of the grieving process. When you are in this place you cannot see the woods for the trees and everything hurts, and every little comment hurts. Whether this is rational or not is not relavant, that is why we come on here because it feels safe. No-one is dismissing the trauma that anyone who has been through this horrid process feels, it is the one thing we all have in common. But sometimes you have to see that comments made are not personal but in fact someone bravely sharing their grief which right or wrong leads us to think and say things that we wouldn't dare say out loud but need to be said to be able to move on. Having met a few of the women on this site I can honestly say I have never met such a finer bunch of women. Please be patient with us when reading our threads, we are just trying to come to terms with our life the best way we can xx


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## Guest (Oct 17, 2007)

WOW!! 
What has happened here today?!  
How very sad, I can completely understand fellow ff's wanting to add to a thread and share their opinions.....however, if I may say so it is sad when I sit here tonight and read everything that has been added. Please other's try and have respect for how people on here are feeling right now. This IS a safe haven for all of us who have been slammed into a position if involuntary childlessness, we are grieving, we feel let down and need this place to come into and shout at others in our position who are 'moving on' (or damn well trying anyway). To be honest I don't think the other side of the coin will fit here, sorry but we just need to talk, scream and shout at others who understand and can help us deal with our pain.

Group hug to all


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Jodie I absolutely agree with you  my own initial post was not even to reply to the initial post on the thread it was a few posts down when someone had offered to give support/opinion, be it wanted or not and when they did they were basically told they shouldnt be posting on that board etc and it was also reported to mods/admin . 

maybe I am in the middle of the coin at the moment 

this is the last I will say on the subject as it isnt getting anyone anywhere. agree to disagree springs to mind

xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

All I am asking for is to be able to learn how to move on in peace.  

I've said it before and I'll say it again - my comments were not aimed at Suzie and I apolgise to her that she felt that was the case.

As far as I am aware, this area of FF is for people who are facing life without a child of their own to discuss their feelings.  As has been pointed out by others, those with a child, even though that child was hard won through painful and difficult treatment - simply cannot know what it feels like to have to face the furture with no hope of a child of their own.

I feel confused as to why people for whom treatments has worked want to read and post on this area of the forum. What do you get out of it?

I have not asked for any posts to be removed, but the fact that some people have, together with the fact that I have recieved supportive comments via PM, suggests that I'm not alone in feeling this way.


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

In light of Tony's suggestion http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=117211.0 I think this highly emotive thread has run its course, so I've merged the 2 discussion threads into this one and locked it.


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