# Another friend has yet another baby!!!!!



## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi i feel mean posting this but yet another of my friends has had a lovely baby,and i am so pleased for them i really am,but i cant help thinking why not us,and its my dps best friend so i know he is feeling a little sad that it cant be us having good news at last.We are off on holiday tomorrow to distress be for starting our third IVF this year,this time we are using donor eggs so fingers toes and everything else crossed that we can feel as great as i know our friends are feeling right now 
                                            Wendie


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## ♥Tamsin♥ (Jun 29, 2004)

Sending you some big   
Have a fab holiday and all the best for when you get back!

Tamsin
x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Wendie,

 that it's your turn later this year. Have a lovely holiday and come back refreshed for cycle number 3. 

CG xxxx


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

I can totally relate to your feelings and it is not mean to think that way.. it is totally understandable. I feel just the same way at the moment . I have an assistant manager who announced that she was pregnant in April... just at the same time as we had our first BFN. She had not long got married ( so I should have seen it coming) and had fell pregnant on thier first time of trying. I cannot put into words what I felt at the time. Everyone was so exctied and making such a fuss and I was breaking down inside. Our ICSI had failed as DH could not produce on the day so we had to send our eggs down the drain and so at this point our marriage was on the line too as I blamed him totally. I just dreaded going into work everyday. I had planned to tell my team what I was doing so that they could understand my moods and my time off but when she broke this news I just couldn't I really did not want her to feel uncomfortable or to take the shine off it all for her. We have just had another cycle ( froze ahead this time!) and a BFN. Considering FET with the 3 left over next month. Age against us so need to make most of the time we have! She goes on Maternity next month so I may be able to be more open about it all then
I hope that you have had a good holiday and tried to relax. This whole thing takes it's toll and we need to be able to try to switch off and relax sometimes so that it does not take over our lives.. I know easier said than done..


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi Everyone i don't feel mean now,i have been to visit my friends baby had a lovely cuddle with him,and enjoyed buying him some clothes. I'm feeling positive we have started our treatment with the Logan center and i am due to have my first injection on the 25th of this month.I am not ready to give up yet as I know with DE i stand a better chance of a BFP and i know i can do it.
                                  I wonder do many of you in your forties tell people that you are trying for a baby? and what response you get from others?  I know myself that i have only told close friends and a few family members as i find it difficult enough to cope with my own feelings when it dosent work without having to tell everyone i know and i know a lot of friends think that i must be mad wanting babies in my forties!
                                              Wendie


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

Wendie
I've not really told many people - just close family and friends. Most of my friends have either had babies or chosen not to have them. It's work people who seem to be having them with me.
I find it hardest as people seem to just presume that you have chosen to get to 40 and made a conscious not to have children. Alot of my friends think that we are like them and just do not want kids. DH and I did not get married until I was 37 and started trying straight away. Neither of us had been married before, it just takes some people longer than others to find " Mr or Mrs Right". I tend to just go along with it although sometimes you just want to shout out that you do want kids you just can't seem to make them! It has been difficult keeping things quiet at work though due to time off and my awful moods! I have had 2 lots of 2ww time off sick ( put down as Gyanae op) but next time I'll take a weeks leave and then go back in the second week . Found it just as stressful being at home.
I sometimes ( when I am at a low ebb) wonder what we might be letting ourselves infor especially when I am shattered or we are thinking about a nice adults only holiday away... but it's something I know that we both very much want to do at the end of the day... regardless if people think we are mad! 
Bright Eyes


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Bright Eyes i really do know were you are coming from,when iv had a stressy day and sooo shattered i think to myself could i cope with a screaming baby as well? But i know i would,and the ironic thing is i had my son at 16 and he is my one and only at the moment,and can you imagine the shocked reaction i would get at number two at 43? But i really think things are meant to be,and you were meant to get married at 37 and have babies later,and i was meant to have one extremely early and one a tad later     
                        And i have decided that this 2ww will be a gynae opp tis a lot easier than having to confide in everyone.
                                  Wendie


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

The hosptial were good with me and I had no problems getting a sick note. I have a male boss and soon as I said I was going to be off with " a womens thing" , he blushed and asked no more!! Those I work with just think that it's something to do with fibroids! Didn't tell them that but they seem to have come up with it.. so not challenged!
Good Luck when you get going again... 
Bright Eyes


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Ah Bright eyes you have the advantage with a male boss, i work in a female only district nursing office,so any medical problems they are pretty clued up on,so my last 2ww was a kidney stone. I am having my first Prostap jab on Monday,and from what i have read of others using it it gives you headaches and mood swings,so really looking forward to that  .Then need to wait for AF and scan and then we are off  
                                    Wendie


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

I am just lucjy that I have a temp boss at the moment. Usual one off long term sick and she would not rest until she knew everything!
Tricky one being in health setting. I  manage a Social Work team and my lot are pretty clued up on things too. I think I went for the " womens problems" as it could cover a host of things, is personal so may not attract so many questions and the excuse can run and run and run! Just think about how many investigations you might need and little ops to put things right! I also think tnat as I am 40 that noone would dream that I was mad enough to go through this treatment!! I think there is just a presumption that kids were never on our agenda.
I am going to have to take leave for FET. I think it will be mid November if all goes to plan. Going to take a week and them go back. 2ww at home I found too stressful last time. We had a negative cycle in April after my DH could not produce on the day. All my hard work to get those precious eggs went literally done the drain. I had to take 2 weeks off as I was in a bit of a state! I have now had another 2 off with this second cylce and BFN. I will be into Performance Management at work because of the number of days sick/ time between them if  I take any more.. and the last thing I want is Occu Health and personnel involved ! Would rather use up some leave and flexi time!
Hope that things go well with your next round of treatment. Not heard of the Prostap jab? What is that for? I just took some pills for down reg and then menepur jabs. Lucky that did not really have any side effects.
Good Luck , let me know when you get going and will send postive vibes your way.
Bright Eyes


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi Bright eyes
                          What did you do to DH? i would of batterd him if he had done that after all that you went through!  i know it must be a bit awkward being sent to the room with the pot,but hey the endless scans and injections are not that much fun are they  . The prostap injection switches off the pituitary gland that puts you into the change, i think then you have a period then start scans to check the thickness of the womb lining and take estrogen tabs as well. we might be having ET done about the same time  we can be hormonal and stressed together 
                                    Wendie


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

I was very close to being had up for murder!   The most frustrating thing was I knew that he was panicing about it all... he is a bit of a prude.. and had been the same when giving test samples. The Consultant offered him to freeze ahead of time , I even got him an appointment to do it but he never went and tried to convince himself that he would do it. We were also a little mislead by the Nurse who led us to belive that fresh was better than frozen.. but it transpires that with ICSi it makes no difference. He therefore felt under pressure to do on the day.  He could not do it at the clinic and so they sent him home. I was in bed recovering from the EC and he was in real state as everything was not coming out to play! It really was the worse day of my life..
We then left it that we would not even discuss another cycle until he had gone and done his bit and it was frozen away. It took a few months for him to do it and even then he had to have Viagra as the very thought of a sample ( or even sex for a while) sent everything into hibernation. We just don't talk about it now and it's not the sort of thing that you can tell anyone. We just told close family that nothing had fertilised. This site is so good for getting these things off your chest with people that understand!
Are you doing another round of treatment or are you doing FET.. was not sure? MAy well be at it at the same time.. happy to be hormornal with you! 
Bright Eyes


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## ClaireL65 (Jul 20, 2007)

to Wendie and Bright Eyes

Claire xx


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi Bright eyes
                                Thanks Claire i need all the  i can get! yes i love this site i have read so many experiences on here that i feel as if i have written,because you know exactly how they feel.I do feel a little bit sorry for your DH he must have known how upset you would of been so the stress was piling on. We are using DE for this cycle as it was pointed out that we would have a much better sucess rate, we have had two cycles this year and i produced lots of eggs the second cycle we had icsi and got 5 fertilized put 3 back but BFN,so we decided to try abroad as there is no wait.
                        Do try and stay positive you have some frosties so you have a really good chance,how many are you going to have put back 
                                        Wendie


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## Bright Eyes (Sep 28, 2007)

It depends on how many surive the big thaw. I have said that if all three are OK, then I want all three going back. They are too precious to waste and the chances one just one sticking are slim .. let alone all three. Consultant OK about it but he has to write to the Hosptial doing the tranfer ( it's done on split sites) and see what they say. I'm going to be very assertive about it though and have been having " conversations " about it with others on this site. it seems that although over 40 you can ask for more than tow, it's really down to the Hospital as to whether they let you!
Good Luck with your treatment.. big step DE and abroad. Daft question, but I suppose that you have to go abroad for all the treatment or do you get to do some of it here?? Not really  ever thought about either of those as an option.
Have a good weekend
Bright Eyes


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## wendie (Sep 9, 2007)

Hi bright Eyes
                            We are having treatment done at the Logan center which is part of the London fertility Center,which is where we had our IVF done so they have lots of notes about us already,we have sperm freeze and scans here, to check thickness of womb lining and then just one trip abroad for embryo transfer on day 3,i wont be having 3 put back this time as they have more of a chance of taking, but i insisted with my own eggs to have three put back and they were fine about it you have to sign a form.You have got to give yourself the best chance dont you? Have a good weekend.
                                              Wendie


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