# New to this and feeling a bit hopeless



## Sepho1977 (Dec 2, 2012)

Hi,

This is the first time I have been here, so wanted to say hello to you all.

We have been TTC for the past 2 years - I know that is a very short time in comparison to some people, but it feels live forever and I'm starting to lose hope. All I have ever wanted out of life is to be a mum. But it took me a long time to meet the man of my dreams and we didn't get married until I was 34. 

I already knew I had PCOS but I had a pretty regular cycle, so I thought I was probably ovulating. So we tried for 18 months, but when nothing was happening I had my progesterone checked and it was low. So I took a 6 month course of Clomid, but this finished at xmas and didn't work.

My period started today, so I will start my next course of Clomid tomorrow and we will then be having our first cycle of IUI this month. We get 2 cycles of IUI on the NHS and then one cycle of IVF if this fails. We have been told there is a 10-12% success rate for IUI. I'm desperately trying to stay positive, but I can't help feeling that the odds aren't very good and it all feels a bit hopeless.

So I'm sitting here and I can't stop crying (probably not helped by the PMT) and I feel so isolated because all my friends are either pregnant or have children. It seems like there is no-one around who knows what this feels like. So I thought I would post a message on here, because I guess that all of you guys know exactly how it feels.

Liz x


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hi Liz
bless you i knw how you feel - seems like the world and his wife have baby bumps. 
good luck with your IUI. 
xxx


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## Calluna (Jun 14, 2012)

Hi Liz,

You've come to the right place. There are plenty of ladies on here who know exactly how you feel and we all share the same dream. I know sometimes it feels like it'll never happen but at least you're starting treatment now so there's every chance things will work out for you soon. Come and join us on the IUI treatment January/February thread - we all support each other through the ups and downs of IUI treatment on there.


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## Sepho1977 (Dec 2, 2012)

Hi,

Thanks for your replies. I will join the Jan/Feb thread.

Liz x


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## sid123 (Oct 1, 2012)

Hi Liz,
Just wanted to say hello and wish you good luck. Try and keep positive, I know its easy said than done though. We are just waiting for my AF this month then start my first iui. Just send me a message if you want to chat. Take care x


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## jennywren7 (Feb 6, 2013)

Hi Liz,

Just wanted to write and say I know exactly how you feel. My hubby and I have also been trying for 2 years, which does feel like a lifetime. We originally found out that I didn't ovulate, so I was put on clomid. After a few months my husband had a sperm test which came back showing no sperm. He had a second test, which showed the same result so he ended up having sperm retrieval surgery. Again this produced nothing, so we had the difficult decision of either using a donor or adopting. We decided to use a donor and have IUI. Donor sperm isn't available on the NHS and because I am 28 (which is too young apparently), my primary care trust wouldn't fund the IUI so everything we have had done in the last two years has been funded by us and my wonderful parents! We have had two attempts at IUI now which unfortunately have both been unsuccessful. I'm having a break now before starting our third attempt next month. Sometimes I feel like giving up, and have had many times where I just start crying for no reason. I get snappy and take it out on my hubby and sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it, I love my hubby with all my heart but I can't imagine life with just the two of us, I've always seen us with a family. I also feel like I need to give my parents grandchildren as they were unsuccessful in having more children after me and I sort of feel like I owe it to them after everything they have done for me.  As much as this journey is an emotional rollercoaster and sometimes I feel like a trainwreck, I know I was put on this earth to be a mum. I don't know how it's going to happen or when it will happen, but I know it will happen. I have to believe that or else what is the point in going through all the emotions fertility treatment involves? I have good day and bad days as I'm sure everyone else on here does. I have days when I think I'm going nuts because I'm arguing with myself in my head. One half of me is feeling sorry for myself and the other half is insisting that there are people worse off than me!(I promise I'm not really crazy!) I also go through moments of feeling guilty at how upset I feel when I know some people have been trying for many more years than I have. I wonder how they can cope with it all, when I feel like I can't. In the last three weeks three of my work colleagues have announced they are having babies (one with twins which has always been my dream!), so has one of my old school friends and just 2 hours ago I found out my cousin is also expecting. I feel like everyone around me is popping them out and I just wish, for once, it was me who had the good news to share. I don't want you to feel like I'm being really negative, I just know that I wish I had someone to talk to who is going through treatment now and probably feeling all the same crazy stuff as me but can't tell her friends how she really feels in case they drag her to the loony bin! I feel like infertility is still quite taboo, people don't talk about it or people don't know how to talk to you about it, so don't. It would be really nice to have a buddy to share things with, who potentially feels the same, who can be supportive of me and who I can support too.

I hope I haven't bored you with my story, I do tend to ramble on sometimes. I just want you to know that there are people out there who feel exactly as you do, and that support is there if you want it. 

Sending you lots of hugs and babydust,

Jenny x


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## sid123 (Oct 1, 2012)

Hi Jenny,
I've just read your post and wanted to wish you good luck. I'm trying to keep positive and believe to that I will be a mummy one day. The waiting is hard but we will get there. We are also having Diui but just about to start are first cycle. Take care x


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## jennywren7 (Feb 6, 2013)

Hi Sid123, 

Thank you for your message, just wanted to wish you good luck on your first treatment cycle. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Keep in touch and let us know how it goes.

Jenny x


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## sid123 (Oct 1, 2012)

Thanks Jenny. I'm nervous but excited. Let's hope 2013 is a good year for us.   Keep in touch x


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## jennywren7 (Feb 6, 2013)

Fingers crossed Sid123! Really think this will be our year! Feeling positive today!  x x


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