# What do i do to help? *warning babies mentioned*



## Victoria-Helen (Oct 16, 2009)

My friend has had a BFN very recently, i'm so very heartbroken for her. It was her 3rd attempt.


To make matters worse i'm 30 weeks pregnant with twins from my last cycle and so its not as simple as going to visit and give her a cuddle and let her cry about it as understandably she doesnt want to see me in person and we are only talking via txt messages.  


I'm so worried about her i just want to help or do something to make sure she knows how much i care! But what can i do


I wish i could tell her not to give up, that it can all change, this time last year i was devastated to have miscarried my precious little beanie at the same time my mum was pregnant with an unplanned baby. I couldnt see it getting better but i knew i had to try again, now a year later i'm 7 weeks away from meeting my twins. I wish i knew how to say dont give up on something so important to you, i wish i could share my babies with her. 


I feel so down and tearful     what can i do to help her? Even just a little bit, i know she hasnt many friends at all and finds talking about ivf very difficult, i worry about her a lot


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## baby maryam (May 2, 2010)

Did not want to read and run...
I think you have to tell her all of this. She will appreciate your worry.

My sister in law is due one of these days. I had IVF roughly at the time she conceived naturally, so we would have been having the babies together, but... it was not destined for me. I had another cycle of IVF since (in Oct) and it resulted in chemical pregnancy. What I am trying to say is- it was hard seeing her and her bump after that one and I am sure she had a rough time coming over- but hey- it is life, some of us are dealt the hard cards and we have to play with them. I was happy to know she was worried and praying for me, so in the end, it is the love between you that matters- not whether she is preggo this year or the next. Tell her her turn will come soon... 

Hope I helped a bit.


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

I would say write to her and tell her how much you care and are there for her, but also I think you need to accept that at the moment you might not be the right person for her to be around, however much she values you and is happy for you, it might just be too much to be around bumps right now, 

I would just keep regularly texting and showing her you are there/will be there when she is ready, 

You sound like a great friend, 

livity


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## Victoria-Helen (Oct 16, 2009)

Thank you livity k and baby maryam, you've both given me good advice! Infertility is such a horrible thing to exist, as if it doesnt hurt enough when things are not working out for you but then it affects friendships too. I think i will get her a card and write a long message in it for her, i just want her to know that i'm here whenever she is ready or needs me, no matter how long it takes. 

I dont know what i would do without this website and the people on it! It has meant loads to me  

I have suggested that my friend try it but she doesnt like talking to anyone but her husband about any of the ivf, i hope one day she decided to come on here and give it a try. Thank you for replying!


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