# Trying to move on



## Andante (Jan 26, 2009)

Hi all,

I am at the stage of trying to decide whether to accept our fate by deciding not to do another ICSI cycle (it would be our 4th)......I think that it is the most difficult decision that I have ever tried to make. I have had 3 ICSI cycles due to MF and one FET. Cycle 1 & 2 resulted in no fresh transfer...long story...had 3 blasts from first cycle but had to freeze due to complications. FET 2 blast BFN, 2nd ICSI none got to blasts (no transfer) 3rd ICSI changed clinic fab response 3 blasts still BFN in March this year. My problem is that I am 43 and the clinic have encouraged us to go again and we've also started going down the adoption route. I keep thinking maybe I should just do a closure cycle to get it out of the way as more than likely it's going to be a BFN and that will have the decision made with no regrets....The clinic is great and even their stats for my age are poor...so why pay 10K when one kind of knows the answer. The other thing is that my DH is very reluctant to go again and I don't want to cause anymore strain on our marriage as that is precious and it is something that I do have.

Does anyone have any good reading literature that may assist with such a decision? Any advice gratefully received.

To all my cycling friends from the ARGC who may read this....yep!!! I still haven't made a decision and my anxiety levels are rising ++++ as a result.

Mozart


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi Mozart,

I have moved your post into here as it may help you with your decision   

The ladies on here may be able to help you more with your thoughts about continuing tx and I know personally if there was still a chance for me then thats the option I feel I would have to take  so that I didnt have any regrets or what ifs going on in my head.

I wish you luck with your decision and whatever route you take I hope that you find happiness.

Love

Debs xxx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Mozart


Its soooooooo difficult.
If money were no option you would of course try again- we all would. There is a chance you may be successful, its like winning the lottery, some one wins every week!!, but you know when you buy the ticket, chances are it wont happen.....but that tantelizing chance that you maybe the lucky one urges you on.......
My advice is if you can afford to do it, try again. Stats arent great for 43, but stats arent always definitive!.....If you get BFN...have you thought about trying Donor IVF...( I think you said MF) donor IUI can be done with little waits.....Its something your partner may not want to face, but it would mean you could carry a baby yourself and bring it into the world together?....men sometimes have problems with Donor stuff, so its not for everyone.
I only tried twice at 43, and I wishI had done another cycle with my own eggs before moving onto donor eggs. Im now 45- and still no baby ( various mishaps not all related to having IVF!)
I personally know a 2 ladies of 44 who have recently given birth to their own babies after falling pregnant naturally, so it does happen!
Also nearly all the ladies at  the clinic I have been to have fallen pregnant it does happen for lots of couples, and one thing is for sure, if you give up without a good run at it....you are certain to fail!!!
Also I noticed you said 10k...where on earth have you been treated I thought most cycles of IVF in the UK were around £4500 , Im sure if you shop around you can get treated at a more cost effective rate ( may have to travel a bit though!)
Hope Ive given you some food for thought and not made you any more confused!!


Lily xx


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## cernon (Jun 29, 2010)

Hi Mozart,

I'm so in the same boat as you, same age as well,  and just cant make a decision!! I still have hope and dont feel able to give up on it, DH says its because I want it to happen so much that I believe it can still happen whilst he looks at the stats.

Everyone says you know when its time to move on, but everytime I come on here and see another success for women of our age it makes it harder and harder to know what to do next.  Wish I had some answers!!

Good luck in whatever path you choose.

XX


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## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Hi Mozart, I think it would be worth considering donor egg.  The stats really must be pretty poor for OE in your 40s and you have to think whether it's worth it for a slim chance.  After all it's not just the money it's the emotional rollercoaster.

With the benefit of hindsight I should have switched to DE earlier.

Lilo xxx


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi Mozart
I know its just a hard choice to make, it really is. I've had 2 goes at icsi and always said we'd try 3 but just dont want to see another neg test stick so have decided to go down tha adoption route. Its not for everyone but is always an option. We have both found that choosing to step off the ttc rollercoast and stepping onto adoption has brought us so much closer. We both feel that this is a much more positive experience than all the knock backs that came with treatment. Its allowed us to believe we could still maybe have a family one day and help another little soul in the process. I know not everyone feels this is the way they want to go but i just wanted to tell you that a huge weight has been lifted of both our shoulders since we made this choice and even if we find we cant adopt we are doing all we can to make a happy family with just the 2 of us. Its not ideal by all means but we have been through so much together that we know we belong together and have something special that so many spend a life time looking for. Your partner must love you very much as you have had your own huge rollercoaster that would break many couples. Try and take comfort if you can in the fact that you have someone in your life that would do anything in the world to see you smile again i'm sure. Not everyone who has children can say that. I hope you find happiness in which ever choice you make xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## TMP (Apr 11, 2010)

Dear Mozart,

I was in the same position as you a year ago and DH and I always said we would give it a shot but stop at 3 tries. After 3 failed ICSI IVF cycles we were going to call it a day when our specialist suggested donor eggs. We knew nothing about it but after much discussion and looking at the much greater stats we decided we couldn't quite walk away just yet without having a go with DE. 

We are now waiting for a donor from a clinic in Spain and although I have a bit of optimism again I am still being realistic. I guess because we were offered a different method with young eggs (I'm 41 and DH is 39) we realised we couldn't walk away without giving it one more try.

I guess you just have to follow your heart.

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to make.

Kind regards,
Tina x


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## Andante (Jan 26, 2009)

Hi there TMP,

Thank you so much for your reply. I do so hope that DE works out for you both and you get your BFP.

Our problem is that the specialist recommended us doing own egg again..........we've agonised over doing another cycle, pluses minuses etc etc and this weekend was our decision weekend (makes it sound easy) So I think that adoption is the way forward for us.

It is so so difficult giving up the dream of having one's own biological child but what is the cost for the relentless pursuit when the odds aren't stacked in one's favour.

Wishing you all the very very very best with DE.

Mozart


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## TMP (Apr 11, 2010)

Hi Mozart,
Thank you for your message.
I wish you all the best; I know how hard it must have been to have to come to such a difficult decision. I hope your dreams come true and that you will soon have a complete family by giving a little child a lovely home.

T x


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