# Fellow singletons - would love to hear your stories!



## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

I love the support I get from this group and it is very refreshing to find others in the same situation as myself. I know lots of single women in their late 30s and early 40s who are childless and I suspect some may have wanted children. I never imagined I'd still be single at 38 but there is no way I'd keep hanging around waiting for someone else to turn up and make my dream of being a mummy come true!

I'm interested in hearing how you ending up making the decision to go it alone. Did a significant relationship break up? Or have you been single for ages? Or did you dump someone because they didn't want children?

My story : I had a long term relationship in my mid 20s. He wanted to have kids but I was nowhere near ready! And he would have been a terrible father anyway as he had a drink and drugs problem. We split after 4 years and I spent a good 10 years travelling the world. I always thought if I was single at 35 I'd pop down to the sperm bank but I didnt actually start trying to conceive until I was 37 - with a gay friend but it didn't work. In hindsight I'm glad it didn't work as I am now much happier with my plans of being a single mum and I hope to start my first IUI with donor sperm next month.

Since I broke up with my ex over 10 years ago I've had flings here and there but it never worked out for various reasons. I was seeing a guy I was really keen on a few years ago but he strung me along and wasted my time for a long time until I cut all contact. Since then I've had a few guys show an interest but I've built up walls and am no longer interested - I'd be worried I'd get sucked into a relationship only to have my time wasted again and I really don't have the luxury of time!!

Once (hopefully) I become a mum I'd be more than interested in dating but right now it's a complete no no!!

Would be interested in hearing your stories


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## bubbles2010 (Apr 10, 2011)

Hi Heidi33,

I think it's a great idea for others to share there stories, Am 28, and wanted children since my first relationship, we went through some fertility tests at the time, and eventually I had both tubes clipped. So IVF is my only way. We split a few years ago, children and a family are so important to me that, I don't want to wait any longer, I just see it being an alternative family. Any dates and men I have met since my relationship all.... Don't seem to be good enough tbh.

So I have bought donor sperm and am going through IVF next month. I hope I met someone, and am still open to dating now or after any potential baby comes. I just refuse to put my life on hold, in the hope that a man does come along.

I am still really scared on the inside, but I have a good support network xxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

had a relationship in late 20s which ended badly, moved to Australia for a change of scene. spent nearly 4yrs there, came back to find all my friends (and younger sister) starting families and realised that's what I wanted too
threw myself into 12-18mths of dating, met some nice guys but not that special someone (in retrospect I was probably trying too hard to find a father for my children rather than a partner) 
so shortly before turning 38, realised that I needed to take some action or it might be too late...so that's when I started ttc with sperm donor. 
eventually had my boys just after my 41st birthday 
x


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## Amelia81 (Mar 2, 2014)

Hiya,

I'm new to FF. I'm 32 and it's 7 years since my last long term relationship ended. I've had short relationships along the way but nothing that's lasted beyond 4 months.

I've always had strong maternal instincts and used to say to friends and family (I don't think they took me serious though) that if I get to 35 and still single I would go to a sperm bank as I'd rather be a single mum than not a mum at all. However I always thought in the back of my mind I was bound to meet someone, surely, everyone else seems to!

Anyway, now I have just over 2 years to go until my 35th and it really is a possibility I will still be single and I'm thinking I probably really need to start doing some research into it now.

Two weeks ago I discussed it seriously with one of my closest friends and was amazed how supportive she was and made me think it is a real possibility. I am considering discussing it with my parents next. I feel I need to get those closest to me on side before I can even begin this kind if journey as I don't think I could do it without their support.

I do find it all really scary though as it's such a massive life changing decision to make on your own, bringing another little life into the world. I was going to start my own thread soon with some of my concerns.

Nice to meet you all and hear your stories xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hello again  Heidi - I think I replied to you on another thread about a different topic
We all come to the decision to go solo for different reasons but I would say most is there does not seem to be many men out there in their 30s and 40s who want children.  Or they want them so they have already got them and don't want any more.  I will not become involved with anyone who already has young children as I have seen too many tug o wars with children and I don't want to be part of it. 

I was married when I lost my boys and my 7 year marriage fell apart as a result: I felt totally unsupported and he would not commit to try again    I had been wanting to go it alone for many years but too scared about coping on my own then when I did have a go again and got pregnant with IUI I again lost the baby.  I kept hoping the urge for a baby would go, and I would come to my senses: I have not.  I can't forget how devastated I was after  losing my boys but alas I am now too old for my own genetic child.  So I am going for a last attempt with DE so that I have no regrets: it is the only thing I have not tried.

I don't want the hassle of dating or a relationship and wasting time as you say although I would like to have tried co-parenting so that I would have some support for any potential child. Hey ho sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet and go for it alone.  So I am off to Cyprus next week for my IVF!
TC x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Oooooffff where to start.... Found out 20 years ago on coming round from a laparoscopy IVF would be my only realistic chance, ha I was young what did they know 

Fast forward a bit went abroad worked as an air hostess for 15 years, got married tried naturally of course nothing hmmm... anyway the marriage ended after several years, still plenty more fish right? Wrong! Got to 38 and was damned if I was still going to be in that childless rut at 40 

I did what you do and confided in an ex who said "I'll be your donor" so I said "Great" BIG MISTAKE what was my plan suddenly became his and a person I never knew emerged, talk about a dictator along with some of the wierdest conditions  long story short our 18 year friendship had to end the guy was loco, and thats how I chose an unknown donor, best decision ever!!

Only one regret: should have done it 10 years ago x


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Tincancat - so sorry to hear about your loss  I wish you the best of luck in Cyprus.

It is so interesting to hear others stories.

I couldn't spend my last remaining fertile years desperately hoping and praying for Mr Right to turn up. I believe you have to take matters into your own hands and be proactive! Like one of you said - I'd rather be a single mum than no mum at all. However, I have a v supportive mum and I'm not sure how keen I'd be if she wasn't around...


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

I'm another 28 year old, forever single, I too have walls up for some unbeknownst reason.  Had always planned to have a child on my own and finally started my journey in October 2013 and having DIUI next week!!  My clinic uses xytex in america so obviously I'm using an american donor but he seems lovely on paper and I hope he makes beautiful children!


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

What a lovely happy ending Blondie71


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Thanks Heidi  your mum will be sooooo thrilled with your child trust me - a lack of a man wont even come into it you'd be amazed how normal and accepted this becomes to those close to you x


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

Hey guys

This forum is amazing and I'm not sure if I'd have got this far without it!

Anyway my story is 

I had a few relationships when I was younger, my longest was from 18 years to 23 years. We lived together and I really thought he was the one! Until he dumped me out of the blue one day and broke my heart. Since then I think I've been so scared of being hurt again I've put up walls. I had a few drunken snogs and blind dates and tried internet dating a few times but to no avail. I was never in a rush to meet someone, I didn't mind being single and I would rather be single than be with someone who's not right for me. I just presumed eventually the right person would come along & everyone kept saying I'd meet someone soon, well it's been 12 years now!!! 

I also thought it'd get easier as I got older but every man I meet is in a relationship. I dont know any single men at all! 

I'd known for forever that I'd wanted children. When I bought my convertible car in 2010 I said to everyone this was the perfect time to get an extravagant car as the next car I got would probably have to be suitable for children. When I sold my flat and bought a house with a garden in 2012 I knew it had to be room for children as that's where I saw my life heading.

I'd often jokingly spoken about freezing my eggs. Then I started looking into egg freezing seriously a couple of years ago but it looked very expensive and not that reliable so I started to look at adoption but I wasn't sure if this was right for me yet. still I was thinking that hopefully I'd meet someone soon and all this would be unnessecary.

Then late 2012 I met a friend of a friend who was pregnant as a single women through IUI and literally everything just fell into place. I hadn't even known about IUI and that it was a possibility for me. And I knew then that it was what I wanted to do & I didn't want to wait around any longer.

I told my parents straight away as I too wouldn't be able to do this without their full support and they were luckily both very supportive.

I'd still like to meet someone but I feel I've still got years ahead of me for that but I can't risk the chance of leaving it too late and not having children. 

I'd like a man to share my life with but I know I can live without a man but I can't live without having children.

It's lovely to hear some good news stories on here but also sad to hear of the tragedies, Ive just had a miscarriage after my first successful IUI which I'm just coming to terms with and hoping I can try again in April

Good luck to everyone xxx


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## silver22 (Mar 16, 2014)

Hello!  I am new to this forum and thought I'd add my story to this thread.

Similar story to many others...  One serious relationship in my 20s, got engaged, he turned out to be a lying cheater who repeatedly reminded me that he "never wanted children"...  one of those "Why on earth did I waste my time with that loser" experiences.  Went to live in Spain and Italy for a while and didn't really think much about dating or men.  Had another serious relationship, but then got cancer and he asked me to marry him I think more out of pity/solidarity in my illness than any real compatibility between us.  He was a very nice bloke but always doing what he thought he should be doing rather than what he wanted to do...  I ended that relationship by buying him a one way ticket to Italy and telling him to go find himself and call me in a year if he still wanted to get married.  He never called.  After that I basically spent several years recovering from cancer treatments and trying to find myself again (chemo puts me in this strange fog where you completely detached from myself).  Moved to the East Coast of the US, moved to Australia for a bit, then New Zealand...then back to the East Coast then went "Holy shnikes!  I'm 35!  When did that happen??"  I always knew in the back of my mind that I'd be a single mum if I never met someone and got married and every now and again I'd think about getting going on that (I hated dating and just wanted a family) but then would put it off, I did try for several years to find a known donor, but that was a huge disappointment..So at 35, I decided I should at least get checked out and see if the parts were still working (especially because of the chemo).  Well, the RE told me that "the train was leaving the station" so I began the process of trying...  4 years, multiple IUIs and one epic failure of an IVF later...  I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure.  I thought that was it but by some miracle, I found a family that donated embryos to me, picking me out of thousands of couple candidates, and had my twins on my very first try at Donor Embryo FET.  I've since tried to have another child using the last of my donated embryos, but had a miscarriage after a car accident.  I'd really like to have one more child (or even twins again) so I'm back to the infertility roller coast and trying to find embryos or an altruistic egg donor.  I have an open donation with the twins' donor family, so I'm trying to find the same this go, and it's been a very frustrating process that is really reinforcing my feelings at how lucky I was to find my donor family and have my twins.  I'm not ready to give up yet though.


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Wow Silver - you have been through a lot. What an inspirational lady you are!

Liked the bit where you said you hated dating and just wanted a family. That's sooo me! Am happy to bypass all the dating nonsense and just be a single mum 

Good luck with everything.


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Just popping into this thread to say - wow - Silver22 what a story, that is really amazing and congratulations on your twins. I can't add much as I've not really started, just spent a lot of time on my insurance policy. It is GREAT to read all the stories however and even though this "side" of FF is a bit quiet recently, Heidi, it's well worth looking at the other side to the ladies that already have children. I have found this so inspirational in my journey. Good luck xxx


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Hi everyone, 
Well I'm a 28 year old girl who has said for years that if I was still single at 30 I was off to the sperm bank! Well, my last relationship ended 18 months ago with an on/off boyfriend I'd been with for 10 years. I've been thinking more and more over the last few months about having a baby and have found myself turning into an awful person around the pregnant people closest to me. I can't be happy for them, or sympathise with pregnancy pains (which isn't me, I'm normally such a nice person!) So I've decided now is the time to start trying for a baby! I've met support from my mam and my close friends who I have told, their only issue is 'should I not wait a little longer and see if I meet Mr Right?' but to be honest I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to meet Mr Right, I feel that any man I meet now, I'm searching for to be the father of my children and that alone, I think once I have the baby I will be in a better place to meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with (and be the father of my children...) So.... I'm waiting to attend an open day at the end of April at LWC in Darlington and will book an initial consultation from there with a view to doing egg share IVF if I can! All very exciting!xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Djjim
Good luck.  Do you really need IVF tho?  Would IUI not be worth a try...much cheaper and can have good success under 35 years.
TC x


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks for the good luck Tincancat.xx I'm wanting to start with IVF due to the higher success rate for pregnancy and also particularly egg sharing as I feel that it would be lovely to help someone along the way by donating my eggs.xx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Everyone, wow those are some amazing stories!
I feel for everyone who's gone through a loss as a single person, although I found a lot of support from friends and family when I went through the same thing.

As singles we tend to be more open about treatments to our loved ones I believe, which can be a very nice environment to bring a baby into.

So my story is this, at the age of 21 I was diagnosed with polycistic ovaries, and my GP at that time told me that if I wanted kids I should have them before the age of 30.
At the time that seemed like ages away, but I knew the clock was ticking for me. To be honest, I shouldn't have taken his word for it as there is no evidence to pass on such a blanket diagnosis to a young woman with PCOS, as it put a lot of pressure onto my relationships.
I was with a boyfriend I met at uni aged 23 for over 3 years, but since he was 3.5 years younger than me this caused us to split up in the end. I was so worried about never having a family that I preferred to finish with him and start again just as I was turning 27, but in hindsight I would have had kids a lot sooner if I'd just been more patient for him... (?) Well it's hard to tell really, because the pressure and worry I felt caused a lot of anguish in our relationship and he was really very young.

[He ended up getting married aged 28, when I was -once again- newly single!]

I had a mad period of dating and 'having fun', but resulting relationships kept getting worse and worse as my standards slipped the closer I got to thirty and beyond.
When I was 30 I met a guy I thought was perfect, he was really keen on me, good looking, financially secure but (as I found out 6 months into the relationship) not ready for children 'yet' although he was a few years older.

When we'd been together around a year, it really hurt my soul to keep being involved in a sexual relationship with someone who didn't want a baby with me, and I came off the pill. He clearly didn't think anything was going to happen (he knew about my issues) but I got pregnant that first month. Sadly I had a miscarriage at around 6,7 weeks which was pretty devastating. We split up shortly after as it also emerged he was a cheat.

I went to a couple of info evenings for potential adopters, thinking I would try to adopt if I was still single at 35 and also started to try and focus on just dating men who wanted kids. 
When I was 32 I got engaged to someone who had been a friend for around a year, he'd had fertility treatment with his ex due to some serious health issues he had, and we had some tests together. In the meantime, we also tried naturally for around 6 cycles with no result. The whole NHS rollercoaster of waiting and incompetent nurses really took a toll on me, and I just about held on to my sense of humour when we discovered they'd shoved my notes into his ex wife's folder during one appointment!

We broke up after just over a year together (on/off) because he had serious mental health issues and was basically impossible to be with.

When I'd been single just over a month or so, a guy I met before I got together with my ex fiance got in touch out of the blue, he was looking for work in London and we became pretty much inseparable every weekend he spent in town. I never hid the fact I was hoping to have a baby sooner rather than later, but as it was a very new relationship I didn't bring it up in too much detail, preferring to give us time to grow closer. I also started a new job shortly after we got together, so there was no rush. I felt really happy with this guy, but insisted I went back on contraception to prevent any accidents too soon.
Sadly he dumped me just after my 34th birthday. He'd realised we were on slightly different tracks, and didn't want to waste my time.
I then started to look into my options to become a mum more seriously, at first I thought about sperm banks but when I googled it the option to co-parent came up, so I met a few potential co-parents, gay and straight.

I tried with two guys I met, the second one showed some potential to become more than just a co-parent, but he went cold on me and I didn't conceive anyway.

OMG this is turning into such an epic!!

Then... a very old friend and I had a bit of a drunken weekend, and by the end of it we were both hoping I may have gotten miraculously pregnant. When I got a BFN we were both sad, but decided to carry on trying as friends/co-parents for another few cycles.
By then I started to worry I was really running out of time. I looked into egg sharing to help us conceive but the first clinic couldn't help me as I was close to 35. The other one I called took egg donors up to 36 so my friend and I went along for a consultation. We decided to say we were in a relationship to avoid the 6 month quarantine, and I got accepted onto their egg sharing programme.
My friend went abroad for a few months for work, but just before the clinic was going to start me on the pill to synch my cycle with the egg recipient's, he confessed that he'd met someone and didn't want to have a baby with me anymore.

This was incredibly stressful, and I decided to get in touch with some of the guys I met for co-parenting, to see if they would be happy to help me go along with the cycle the clinic had scheduled for me.
One's husband wasn't supportive of him going ahead, another had got into a relationship and didn't want to tell her which I disagreed with, but one was instantly happy to help. I got the answers to some burning questions I had about our arrangement, and felt reassured that we were on the same page.
In the new year (2013) we had IVF, I produced 12 eggs, six of which went to the egg sharing recipient and 4 of mine fertilized.
All of them went to blastocyst stage, and I had a single blast transferred, the others were frozen. I paid for all the treatment myself.
Just before I got my BFP, I started to feel very unwell with vomiting, bloating and breathlessness. This got progressively worse until I was admitted to hospital with severe OHSS.
I was thrilled to be pregnant but nobody at the clinic had mentioned late onset OHSS and I was in hospital nearly 2 weeks needing drips of albumin (a blood product - my blood was very low on protein) and draining of fluid from my abdominal cavity through an enormous needle and drain. I had a drainage bag attached to my tummy for a few days, a catheter and a drip. Nobody checked my pregnancy hormones, and when it was time for my 7 week scan back at the fertility clinic (I still looked 6 months pregnant because of the bloating) I was told I'd had a missed miscarriage.

I went for another scan at my hospital's EPU and there was a heartbeat, but it was slow and the baby looked very small. 2 weeks later a missed miscarriage was confirmed, and a year ago tomorrow I had an ERPC to remove the embryo.

Another month later I was hospitalized again with severe abdominal pains (3 doctors misdiagnosed a painful fibroid at first), and it was discovered I'd suffered from ovarian torsion because one of my ovaries still had two enormous, fluid-filled cysts which had caused my ovary to twist. I had two more days in hospital and a procedure to suction out the fluid (400ml of disgusting yellow stuff), but I instantly felt better and my ovary returned to normal.

Because this whole episode was so dramatic, and I struggled with my second miscarriage so much I decided to take a long break. I booked a holiday and went on some dates, just for fun. There was no pressure now with my 3 frosties!
And.... yes I met a wonderful guy.
I knew I didn't want IVF again and was hoping to meet my frosties sooner rather than later, so a few months after DP and I got together we went to the clinic together to have one of the embryos put inside me.
It was such a happy time for us, and has stayed very happy throughout my entire pregnancy. We are simply thrilled to be expecting this baby and I have no regrets.
DP is going to be a wonderful step daddy, and I also get on with his two kids very well.
To the outside world, we look just like a very ordinary family


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Broody chick - wow what a story!!

Glad you're going to get your happy ending


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Broody chick what a torteous journey you have had: lovley ending tho.  Hope I have a similar ending..... on my 2 week wait.
TC x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Best of luck tincancat  when do you test & how many embies put back? 

You went to Dogus right? I started off there and then switched to Serum


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Blondie 
yes I went to Dogus,  Still in Cyprus on holiday.  I had 4 blasts put back on Monday.  Did you cycle with Dogus at all?
TC x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

oh wow you're still there  you should be able to test soon then (assuming it was 5dt?) Yes I did a cycle there and had put 4 back too unfortunately I got bfn but dont think it was the clinics fault as I needed my tubes removed so doubt anything would have worked 

Still it all worked out in the end and   this will be it for you too


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

Hi All

What wonderful stories. Mine is similar - lots of boyfriends in my 20s, nothing eventful until I was 28 and fell in love but it didn't last - he wanted kids but he was too possessive so I knew it wouldn't work. After that had nothing eventful but I became aware that I really wanted kids but the blokes I was meeting didn't or weren't serious.  Met a bloke 3 years ago. Lovely fella who already had a daughter but it took me 3 years to realise he didn't want any more kids despite him saying that he did. He backed out a month before we were about to start IVF - it took him a while to say he knew he had low sperm count. I took it as a fear that he thought I'd leave him if he told me and thought that was sweet. Now with hindsight, knowing that he doesn't want kids, not so sweet...

So here I am 41 with low AmH. I always feared being a single mum and still am but it's now or never. Everyone says I'll be a good mum. I know I will. I have so much love to give.  Am probably looking at donor eggs so will try once with my own and then once with donor. It's all I can afford I think...

Yes, I'd like to meet a bloke but it's such a relief to know that I don't want to meet one in order to be a father to my unborn children so perhaps now I'll choose more wisely


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Good luck LuckyE!

Your story highlights why I'm very against dating right now. I have this horrible fear of meeting someone, falling for them and having my time wasted and still being childless at 40 and in an even worse position than I am now! The last guy I was involved with strung me along and totally wasted my time for a good year and the thought of it maybe happening again horrifies me! But on the plus side he has made me much more determined to plough on with my plans to be a single mum. 

Any relationship I had now would be doomed to failure as if he didnt want to start TTC within a few months id be off lol Once I (hopefully) have my wee baby then ill be more than interested to start dating again 

I think all us single ladies are very determined and brave. Sounds like we all have turbulent histories and heartbreaks but hopefully every one of us will get out happy endings. I know ill be a mummy one day - even if if means having to adopt.

There is no way I'd let a lack of partner stop me being a mum. I can't imagine the anguish a broody late 30s lady must go through, hoping and praying she meets someone. Must be awful


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## Hels13 (Aug 9, 2013)

Hi luckye
I was exactly where you are. I did one cycle with my own eggs as I wanted to give my own a chance however the success rate was 10%! With donor eggs the success rate was 46% and so proud now to be almost 6 weeks pregnant. 
Relationships will happen.
My take on it was its time now for baby. I have still got another 40 years to meet someone   
Helen x


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

Powwow what amazing an inspirational stories from all of you!

Good luck Tincancat, I'm crossing everything for you!

Held that's exactly what I think, I have ages to find a man but I can't risk the chance of not having children

Hugs to everyone x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

LuckyE are you going to Serum? If you are you will have a better chance I reckon than in UK with OE, Thimmios (Pennys husband) is a brilliant embryologist! Penny will do her utmost to stim you properly for max success keep us posted anyway whatever your plans x


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

Hi all, 

Yes, it took me longer to believe that I can find love as a single mum... I don't know why I didn't think that I could as I know as many single mothers in relationships as those who aren't.. I guess it's just some old belief that has stuck.  

But now that's gone and I am really excited for this next stage of my life. I plan to be a sexy 40 something mum!  

Blondie - Yes, I am going to serum. I am more hopeful there than with my current clinic why says I have only 10% chance with OE like Hels says. (although Peny says 27%) I've already tried once with OE with disatrous results. 7 eggs - only 1 mature... gutted! But Peny is hopeful...

So right now, I am doing my utmost for egg quality - throwing everything at it except DHEA - Penny wants us to discuss that first - but if OE fails then DE. 

And am trying to keep positive with this next cycle... I get little rushes of excitement at the prospect but know that it's a long journey for some...

But this thread is really inspiring. Thank you, Heidi,  for starting it. I have loved reading everyone's stories... Good luck all who are starting or are on this journey with me...  

Will definitely keep you posted.


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Just a quick addition to my story, for anyone considering co-parenting.

Like any other relationship, it relies on honesty and knowing what you can expect (anything, basically).

Last week I got a message I wasn't expecting, that there was another lady my 'CP' (well let's call him KD - known donor) had 'helped', and she wanted to meet me. So our KD, and 2 ladies with babies conceived by him met up as well as one of his siblings, which was nice but also a bit of a shock for the two of us who hadn't known the first thing about each other's existence.

There is a fourth lady, who opted out of meeting up.
The reason I and babymama 3 (the one who was at the meeting) wanted to co-parent rather than use a donor through a sperm bank was for reasons of cost and practical support, being single, and also out of fairness to our children to know their other bio parent and relatives.
Neither of us wanted to pick a guy who is one of those serial donors who don't want contact with their kids, but we never thought to ask if KD was entering similar arrangements with other women within the year. It was just too obscure to contemplate, but now we've realised he's deceived 3 of us by making us believe it was an exclusive set-up.

He told BM3 about BM2 just shortly before she gave birth, and I knew about BM2 shortly after my miscarriage from my fresh IVF cycle with him, but not about BM3 until about a week ago. Her baby is still very young, BM2's baby arrived last summer. Mine is due in June. All of us knew about BM1 initially, because her child is older and she lives abroad.

The reason BM1 was in the UK is that she is having FET from his embryos!
The whole meeting was very civil and nice, but BM3 is sadly in a real crisis now as the help he has promised her hasn't materialized. I cannot go into more details on this forum, but just wanted to warn others to try and find out as much as possible about your intended CP and his intentions, before you don't have a choice (I should add we first met in 2011!).

I hope all the kids will grow up knowing and liking each other, but I am so grateful I don't need to rely on KD for anything (although I will of course fight for child maintenance should this become an issue).


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

at Broodychick.

What is this guys motivation for fathering all these children? Is he having sex with all these women?! Why hasn't he just been honest?

As you know I started my journey using a CP and tbh I'm glad I didn't get pregnant to him as I reckon he would've been possessive over our child and caused a lot of problems. He hasn't initiated contact with me since I told him I wanted to stop trying months ago and had responded to any contact I've made in a cold manner.

I feel much more comfortable now going down the sperm donor route (with an open donor so my child can contact the donor in the future should they wish) as I will have full control over evetything and it just seems a lot less messy! Not to say co parenting isn't a good option...

Hope everything works out for you and your wee one xx


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

Hi Broody, if I'm honest, I've never really heard about co-parenting until coming on this forum. But I can see the benefits and it sounds great. Your baby has all those siblings to stay in touch with. It's sounds really comforting. 

But I am confused as to why this guy wants to have so many kids with different BMs with different responsibilities towards them. What's his motive?


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Thanks girls - well tbh I am not a psychiatrist so I cannot diagnose what exactly his problem is and what he was thinking... It puzzles me just as much!
Women feel and think about these issues very differently to men, but my DP is just as shocked at his actions as I was. As a man he obviously has the biological capabilities to father multiple children a year, but I don't even know if he plans to stop now because he wouldn't give me a straight answer.
From the start we'd always discussed the possibility of either of us getting into a relationship and having more kids with a partner, but not this strange setup.
Lucky - yes I agree it is nice for the kids to grow up knowing each other, but unusual nonetheless.
Heidi - I recently heard back from one of the guys I met to discuss co-parenting, he also had a healthy little boy and is living with the mum to raise him together, but your CP's cold stance doesn't surprise me. It's odd how people tick!


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I'm 28 right now, and my story is similar to many of yours. 

When I was 18 I went to the US on holiday and met and fell in love with my only serious relationship to date. I spent 2 weeks with him in a complete whirlwind, came home and packed up and moved back a few months later once my visa came through! We were together until I was 25, when HE decided he was ready to have a baby, so we tried and I got pregnant, and as soon as the stick turned positive he freaked out and said that he wasn't ready for marriage or kids (too late on both accounts!) and I packed by bags and was on the next plane home - literally. He messed me around for the next month, going from missing me and crying that he had made a mistake to calling me every name under the sun over the phone, and I lost the baby at 8weeks. I know that these things happen but I 100% blame the stress he put me under. (for what it's worth, we are now 4 years on and he STILL calls me every few days to tell me he misses and loves me...) I constantly think about what our child would have been like. My friend was pregnant at exactly the same time as me, so seeing her daughter (and younger son) is quite a painful reminder of what could have been. 

After we broke up, I lightly explored the idea of having a baby on my own, because I was so hurt by what he'd done to me, but I gave myself until I was 30 to try because I thought I would meet someone else and wouldn't hate men forever! Then a couple of years later my dad died suddenly and it made me realise that if I want something, I have to go for it. 

I briefly dated someone around this time and he put me off men even more. He used me, he cheated on me, and he then relayed all our personal time details to people we worked with - so much for dating an older man!

Since then I have had NO intention of dating, no interest in men or sex. I just want to be happy and have my family and give my children my all so that they want for nothing.

I've already done 6 attempts which have all been negative, and after a 6 month break I'm hoping to start trying again this month or next month. At some point I'm going to have to go for fertility testing though to find out what's preventing me from getting pregnant. I've put on a lot of weight since my dad died (I'm up to a size 18 from a size 8 ) so that may be it, or it could be something else. Who knows. I'm trying to lose weight but it's hard!

So, that's my story!


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

Wow I can't believe how many in their late 20's there are of us! 

Nice to 'meet' you pollita!  I too am a size 18 so trying to lose weight (but failing miserably!)


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi pollita, sad story and thanks for sharing! Hope you get your BFP soon xx
I have a friend who also gained a lot of weight when her dad died, I think this happens a lot. She went up to a size 20, then lost all the weight once she felt a bit better and put her mind to it - she met someone and got pregnant, so perhaps that's all it takes? Being physically and emotionally in a good place is a great way to start. I got a lot out of working with Sarah Holland - Fertile Mindset. My friend ended up a single mum as well, but her body was in a good place to conceive.


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Polita - that's a really sad story. I hope you get your BFP soon. What is ICI?

Ps - your ex sounds like a to$$er!


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

I think it's the same as IUI, Intra-Cervical Insemination?


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss Pollita. I hope you get your dream


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## Perasperaadastra (Mar 8, 2014)

pollita - Sorry for your loss, Have you thought about IVF with egg sharing? Think BMI has to be around 25-30, Fertility issues has made me put on a lot of weight in the past, but aiming for small goals did help x

jefnerf - It is really nice to find others of the same age range, sometimes I find myself asking, should I wait a few years (but that's only natural)    x


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Thanks all! So nice to hear your stories too. 

Yes I have strongly considered egg sharing but my BMI is over 35 right now so got a long way to go before they will let me do it


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