# New to group. Need support from someone who is in same position x



## ashtonsaz (Aug 15, 2014)

Hi all
Im 34. In March I was told I dont ovulate and I would need to see a specialist, so currently on an 8 month waiting list.  All our couple friends have had children which has been difficult to deal with. But this week our best friends told us they were expecting. Whilst I am happy for them I also feel totally devastated, left out, alone, damaged. im an emotional wreck. I cant stop crying and feel like I ve been punched in the stomach. please help, no one understands how I feel x


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Hi Ashtonsaz,

I know how you feel. I have spent most of the week crying because my brother's wife is expecting a baby. I love my brother and feel terrible that I have reacted this way (he doesn't know I am struggling). Yesterday my GP said that the fact that I feel both upset and happy for my brother is normal. So your feelings are normal and expected. I think the key is trying to finds a distraction. My husband and I are now watching something funny every night before bed and I try to read funny novels instead of thought provoking ones. It has made a slight improvement to my mood. Another girl recommended mutual back rubs - it releases oxytocin - a happy hormone. Strangely, it does actually work.  

Have they given you an indication why you are not ovulating? If so, there maybe some natural approaches you can try. 
Have you managed to get all your bloods taken by your GP? 
Did they test your thyroid? This was missed from my initial tests and I was later diagnosed with issues. 
I would also suggest to keep trying to conceive every month. My original GP told me I have a polyp that would prevent pregnancy. We didn't bother trying for about 3 maybe 4 months whilst to waited for the consultant. The consultant couldn't find a polyp... 

Sending you big hugs. 
xx


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## ashtonsaz (Aug 15, 2014)

Thank you. it even helps to knpw someone feels like I do and that im not totally alone. I csnt imagine how ypu feel with a family member. its difficult to hide but you cant tell people how you feel as it isnt fair on them. they are happy and excited. My doctors havent been that supportive. Told methat I had no hormone levels when they did the 21 day test. And the initial tests 3 days into my period. I tried a 3 month course of clomid as she said this wouldnt hurt to try whilst I was waiting. but nothing happened. I just know that my hormones dont feel right snd havent done for last year. I feel angry sad miserable. I have terrible dreams and night sweats. the week leading up to my periodall I want to do is sleep and I have terrible flushes and this worries me. They havent tested me for anything else. They dont seem to care x


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## teammonkey (Apr 19, 2014)

Hi,

I can totally relate, were in the early stages of our first ivf, and have found out today my best friends pregnant, worst thing she didn't even tell me herself, I found out third hand. My sister is also pregnant.. Every time this happens, it feels like finding out all over again. Is it just me?

I think the funny film thing is a great idea, we need some coping mechanisms, as I feel I'm slowly going insane! 😁

This forums a great place, we can at least relate to each other xx


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## Lynsey_90 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Ashtonsaz - i know exactly how you are feeling and I'm sure that a lot of people on here can relate. My three closest friends all got pregnant last year within a few months of each other and it coincided at the very time as we were referred for IVF treatment which was hard enough to deal with in the first place. 

I found it really hard and spent a couple of months feeling really down and crying all the time. It's horrible because it can really drive a wedge between you and your friends and as horrible as it sounds it's really down to feelings of jealousy but that's only natural and doesn't make us bad people! I'm pretty sure that they would have felt the same way had the roles been reversed.

What I would say though is I did  find ways to cope with it and I'm sure you will too. I know what you mean about feeling like you have been punched in the stomach but that feeling will go. Try to focus on other things as much as you can and if it hurts to be around your friend at the moment then it's ok to do what's kindest for you. I'm not saying stop being friends with them but if you're having a particulalrly down day then try to avoid situations that will flare up bad feelings for you again. Having said that, one of my friends who got pregnant (and is due in October) has been my main source of support all the way through our treatment. Despite her being in a completely different place to me she has just been amazing and I don't know what I would have done without her so if you're lucky enough that your pregnant friend can really be there to support you at the same time than that can be immensley healing! I think just because I  felt so left out and like none of them would bother keeping in touch with me as they would all feel so awkward, but having someone who has just gone 'look I know how you must be feeling and are you ok' has been amazing. I really hope your friend will be similar.

I also took up mindfulness meditation classes as a way to stop my mind going into hyperdrive!!  Deedee's suggestions sound really good too - anything that you can do to make sure it doesn't all consume you really!

I would also say that although we ended up having to have IVF there may be many other less invasive solutions to your fertility problems. Anyway, I really hope that your journey to becoming a mum isn't a long one and try and stay strong. xxx


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

We have a good board here about Coping with Infertility - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=554.0 - you'll see you are not alone  

Whilst you are waiting to see a specialist we have a few things that you could look at:

Here is a fertility protocol with advice on vitamins and supplements - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0

We also have a chat thread for those who are waiting - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=324110.0

Have they given you any reasons why you don't ovulate? It may help me direct you to some other boards for reading and to ask questions.

KA xxx


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## ashtonsaz (Aug 15, 2014)

no teammonkey.. I understand. It's like you go through it all time and time again. also my frieind didn't tell me herself.. her husband told my husband and he told me. She has been trying for 2 years and convinced herself there was something wrong, even though the doctors said she was fine. So she was scared to tell me. This made me feel bad also that they may all be feeling sorry for me!

Thanks for your suggestions ladies, lynsey... I've just forced my husband to put a comedy on for me. Need some distraction and giggles!

Thanks karenanna, I will take a look. They have given me no answers and no reasons. I've been in the dark since March. After joining this forum today I called the hospital (which I have put off for months) and the fab news is that i am due to receive an appointment letter in the middle of september. So there is tiny bit of light in this dark tunnel!  

Thanks ladies, it is such a relief to talk here!
xxx


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Just a thought - it might be worth getting some OPKs (ovulation predictors) to see if you ovulate some months and not others.

Common causes of not ovulating are things like: PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), thyroid problems (under or overactive), premature ovarian failure (POF). We have areas for all of these: links here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=110.0

Has your GP given you day 1-3 (of your cycle) tests? for FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) - if not, I would go back and ask as they should do this as a basic. If you have the result, it would be useful to know to help point you in a particular direction.

KA xxx

PS I found this forum back in 2008 and it was a lifeline


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## aliced (Aug 1, 2014)

ashtonsaz, you are describing exactly how I feel. My best friend recently told me she is pregnant after a short time trying and my head is really happy for them but my hormones and emotions are devastated and jealous as we are 3.5 years ttc. I have been heartbroken and I know it is going to get harder. I have no magic advice but you are not the only one feeing like that.


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## ashtonsaz (Aug 15, 2014)

Thanks Aliced

Its awful isnt it. sending you all my luck. xxxxxxxx


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## aliced (Aug 1, 2014)

Yes, this ttc journey is so cruel and unfair.
Since joining this forum, it has helped as I know other people have the same feelings as me.
Lots of luck to you too.


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