# having doubts!!!!!!!!!! I think?????



## ladytara (Sep 12, 2006)

Im in such a mess today.  It started last night when i said to df that i really wanted to freeze left over embiesin case i got bfn.  And he said he didnt want to put money down the drain £410 to be exact.  He obviously is convinced its gunna be a bfp.

Well the more i think about getting a bfn i start thinking of how i would feel if the recipient got bfp and not me.  i dont know one min im strong and all for it, but right now   i dont know if i can do any of it.  Im so scared of this procedure and everything about it, df cant come to any appointments cos of work until the sperm bit mind.  And my mum is selling up and moving away, and cos of her probs i dont think its sunk in bout me.

And that leaves me on my own going to clinic, i feel im on my own cos its my eggs im givin up, its my body and mind thats getting mixed up   its all sounding selfish but im in a state..


is it just me to have these thoughts?  My df has just gone to pub very angry and upset cos of the thoughts im having, i just broke down and it all came out......


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## pi30 (Jun 8, 2005)

Gosh Lady tara
All this sounds a total night mare and so very stressful. I think that you are quite right to need extra support right now. Being unsure about eggshare is pretty normal- it takes a special person to be able to do it and i know that i would not be able to. Any hesitation about eggshare and you should defo take time to think some more- once its done its done.... if u know what i mean.

Take care hun

Love Pi


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## ladytara (Sep 12, 2006)

i know i do have time as the clinic couldnt fit me in before xmas break.  It may just be a bad day and df isnt being very consoling in fact i think he just made it worse so im glad hes gone out, tensions were high if you know what i mean.

I av finally stopped crying now tho, waiting for soaps, as you can tell i have no close friends to call upon.  I had one best friend who is df's sister, but jealousy and wot not drove a wedge and she doesnt want to know...  long story!!!!

love tara


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## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

Tara,

it's perfectly normal hunny that you feel like this...I felt the same at one point.

I wasn't going to freeze any leftover embies and was going to go for a fresh cycle each time...even though my clinics storage is free for donors.

As for your recipient getting a BFP..you don't have to know, I said I didn't want to know if my recipient got a BFP or not. 

Do you have another member of family or friend...or even maybe someone from FF who lives by you might be able to go with you. If I lived nearer to you I certainly would  

Don't worry babes...you'll be fine. 

Love

Vicki x


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## ladytara (Sep 12, 2006)

im glad its not just me that has had or having these thoughts.  Thanks.  I think is its going to happen i will have to go on my own unless by miracle df can get time off.  Its just hes only been in this job for 3 mths, and doesnt want to take the mickey.

Im usually so bubbly andive been so excited and positive about it.  Its like something has just knocked me down today, ive been crying and moody and angry and wanting to lash out.  the only point i was level headed was when i was doing my 30 lengths.  

I really want to help someone else as i dont want anyone to feel the pain any longer than they have too.  Its just difficult at the same time as its all such a gamble and no guarantees......

love tara


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## Guest (Oct 7, 2006)

aww tara sweetie  
i know exactly how you feel, it is such a big decision to make. when i first decided to eggshare i was sooooo excited and really positive. but as i'm still waiting for my 1st app doubts and negativity have started to creep in. i'm sure this is totally normal, i know deep down i really want to do this eggshare so im sure these neg thoughts are just from the stress of waiting.
as for your dh, try not to be too hard on him sweetie,
from what ive seen on ff and from my own experiance, it doesn't matter how much detail you explain things to men they dont seem to completely understand, this isn't happeneng to their body afterall.
i suspect that your dh is just as scared and nervous as you hun, but as you know men they dont like to show their scared or that they dont understand because they need to be 'the man' and this normally ends up with dh shouting and storming off (am i right?)
(mens brains can't cope with 'womens probs' so maybe try using flash cards?  )
when your app comes you he will prob come with you afterall, and if not he will almost definatly come to the second (they dont like being left out of the loop, some alpha male fault! lol)

i hope this has helped hun, if you wanna chat please feel free,
take care, lotsa love  maz xxx


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## *kateag* (Jun 20, 2006)

Tara hun, dont worry your thoughts are perfectly normal, I had the big panic soon after my first consultation! (have a search back a couple of pages!!)

Its completely normal to do this, you wouldnt be sane if you didnt. 

also with regards to dh, I think the problem is you arent actually "doing" anything at the moment, so its all a case of "if" and "when" but when you do start going to the clinic, and start the tx he will be right there with you. Its hard for them as they cant see anything, we look the same on the outside, so to them nothing has changed, its the same when we are preggers, until that bump starts to show they act as if nothing has changed!

Try not to worry too much hun, have a good chat with the counsellor and feel free to rant and rave on here!!
Also, you know where I am if you need me!!

Good luck on tuesday, you will love it!

Kate
xx


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