# feeling down



## shelly (May 26, 2004)

Hi lady's 

Sorry to post this silly topic but my SIL just got a +ive result on their 1st ICSI and i am feeling very down  . I am happy for them as they so deserver this but sad that we never got to see a +ive. 

I feel even more guilty as our SW is due tonight and I know adoption is right for us but I can't same to put a smile on today. Is these feeling normal? Will i ever get over these feelings every time someone announce they are pregnant?

Shell x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Shelly,

i think there will always be a little part of you that wishes you had a child of your own......it's what were genetically prigrammed to do. But the thing I do to not get bogged down by it is to pick up my "be my parent". We've been getting it every month since we started this journey, and I get such a giddy feeling everytime it comes through the letterbox. DH doesn't quite understand, but it gives me such hope and something positive to focus on. 

I seem to recall someone else on this site saying somethign along the lines of pregnancy being for the masses, but adoption for the elite! after all we're the only ones who have actualy documentation to say we'll be good enough parents! ......it's a bit cheeky but it makes me giggle!

hope you feel better soon!
XRuth.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Shelly

Don't feel guilty that you can't put a smile on your face & you are feeling a bit down.  You would not be human if you were not experiencing the emotions you are feeling right now.

Your SW will know that you are 100% committed to adoption but will also know that hearing the news you have had, that you are bound to feel down & sad.

My sister got pregnant straight away & even though I have my lovely 2 children I did feel envious of her, my nephew is now 3 months old & he is gorgeous, it makes me even more broodier than normally when I visit him but I'm glad hes part of our family. 

give your self time to come to terms with your SIL pregnancy & I think Ruth has come up with an excellent plan to make you feel better, "be my parent" magazine.

Our DS was photographed for that magazine!

I hope you feel a little bit better knowing you have friends on FF who know exactly how you are feeling.

Love

Superal


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## helenb (Oct 30, 2004)

Hi Shelly,

I had similar news last week when a really good friend of mine fell pregnant on her first attempt with clomid.  It's only natural to feel sad that you're not going to experience all the pregnancy / birth things.  I was just really relieved for her as I really didn't want to watch her going through the same heartache as we did!

Ruth is right - Be My Parent really help you focus on what this is all about, the chance to be a Mummy!  We finished our homestudy on Monday and I now really excited!

Helen
x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Shelly

I don't think we really ever get over the not seeing a +ve but I can honestly say it does get easier now that we have been blessed with our two DD's.

I think the others have given some good advice and like Ruth I used to get goosebumps when BMP arrived, infact I wouldn't leave the house for work until I'd scoured each page and even then took it to work to scour through over lunch.

I had an awful time of things with my now best friend when she caught naturally on the first month of trying.  I couldn't even speak to her for months.  Now though although she cannot ever understand truly what we went through she understands what it is like to want to be a parent. We've had lots of heart to hearts and I always keep apologising for my behaviour then, but I wasn't totally the real me at the time I was possessed with all this IF stuff (it was before we had our diagnosis).

Hope you find something to put the smile back on your face.

Love
Karen x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Karen,

I can really understand how you are feeling.  I have never seen a ++VE HPT.

At the start of our journey, my bessie friend told me she was pg (her second child) and that she knew the exact date and had only one attempt.  I really was upset but at the same time happy for her.

We are now sharing each other's journey's and it is great!

Laine x


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi Shelley,

That's spooky - had a really good chat with my mum today!  I'm adopted & was adopted at 6 weeks old.  My adoptive parents are just the most fab people!!

Anyway, we were chatting about IF & I was saying that I felt I could cope now if we were unable to have children with ivf as I'd got things into perspective a bit more.

Mum agreed that it wasn't the end of the world not being able to have your own children but she did say that even now (she's 65) she wonders what her own kids would have been like!

I guess that's just inevitable and perfectly normal!  It doesn't make you a monster!!!

Good luck!

Jess xx


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## shelly (May 26, 2004)

Thank you all for the replys, it means a lot  
I am starting to smile again.  thank you

I just have to keep saying that its not been pregnant but having a family which is important.
SW was with us tonight and after the days news it was good to get focus back on adoption again.
Ruth can you let me know about the mag " To Be A Parent " 

Many thanks again its great to have this support in FF 

Love Shelly x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Shelly

I know what you are feeling. I've been there so many times myself. But it is true, time does ease the pain. And when you've found your pot of gold like I'm lucky enough to have done, then you'll see that being pregnant isn't the main focus anymore, it's being a mummy.
I think that it doesn't matter how you get there, at the end of the day, that child is yours, and you now have a family of your own.

I still get the occasional pang of "what if" - but they are becoming less and less by the day.

Hang on in there, and don't feel sad about feeling sad! It's completely normal.
Take your time and enjoy your new journey- believe me, it's well worth the wait!

x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Shelly,

the info for subscribing to "be my parent" can be found at this website

http://www.baaf.org.uk/res/pubs/bmp/index.shtml

keep in mind that it is only the "difficult to place children" that go in here, but even so I always see dozens of children in it that I'd be delighted to have the opportunity to parent!

XRuth.


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## shelly (May 26, 2004)

Thanks Ruth i have just subscribed . 

Shelly x


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