# Ideas on what to write for my good will message



## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi, im starting to think about what i need to write on my good will message, i have no idea, do i write about myself or why i decided to donate my eggs, just wanted a few ideas on what others has wrote, and also on my characterist bit, do i write a life story or do i put what im like as a person and the type of life i live? Or do i just put them all down Ive got to hand the form in in 6 weeks and wanted to get some ideas then do a draft and hopefully write what my recipients want to know


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## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

i am hoping to egg share for the first time so all new to this egg sharing journey 
Does everyone have to do this who is egg sharing ? coz if so i will keep a eye on this post for ideas too


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Ooooh good luck! As far as i know yeah you do, its so your recipent can learn something about you and so any children born as a result of your donation can see what you have wrote for them if they ever want to see x


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## wehavethreecats (Feb 12, 2012)

hi myturn?
I had no idea that some clinics did 'good will' messages. What a lovely thought. 
DH and I are going to be doing DEIVF later this year (as recipients), so i have read your message with our position in mind.  All the ideas that you mention sound like the kind of things which i would want to read about our egg-donor and be able to tell our child.  Weirdly it has put me in mind of internet dating and the kind of things you'd put there (!) with a broad overview of what kind of person you are.  As you mentioned, a bit on why you are donating eggs would be really reassuring and interesting too, to know how you came to offer such a generous gift.  
x


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi we have 3 cats, it is a good idea to get a idea from the other side on what to put im trying to think of things i would want to know if it was the other way round for me, I had the same thought about internet dating i feel like i wud b trying to sell my self or big myself up in a way, i am goin to be honest and put down about my moodyness and how stubborn i am. I think its a good idea to get my best friend and my boyfriend to help so they can tell me how i am as a person coz i cud put down im best thing since sliced bread but im not lol its so hard to think what they would want to know and i dont want to miss out on anything, i can see it been very emotional, wer r u doin treatment? Xx


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## wehavethreecats (Feb 12, 2012)

For stubbornness I'd say "strong willed" or "know my own mind"  (LOL - we sound quite similar!)
It's interesting how this process makes me reflect on what i think are inherited traits and what i think is learned through the environment. e.g. whether stubbornness might be inherited or learned?!
Getting others to read it though sounds good. 
We haven't chosen a clinic yet... but are shortlisting a few at the moment.  We live in Scotland so there isn't much choice up here (Glasgow has a 2 year waiting list, which seems too long), so we're looking at a few London clinics, and CARE.  I did want to have a UK donor though, so that when the child is older they can (if they want) get in touch with their biological mother. 
What are your views on that as a donor? Do you have kids already? Would you let them know about the donation, and if so do you think you/they would consider the other child a half-sibling?
Where are you donating through?  

Sorry for all the questions... it's just good to be able to get the chance to have insight into 'the other side'.


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## wehavethreecats (Feb 12, 2012)

oh, just seen your signature which answers two of my Qs!


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

My view on if a child ever came looking is it would never be my child i just gave their mom and dad a helping hand to help them have that child, i think i wud meet the child if thats what they wanted to do but i wud just try and see it as a extended family member like a cousin, id hope to not have any maternal feelins towards the child as the last time i had it, it was just a cell but its mum and dad grew it and brung it into the world. I think i would be curious to see how the child looked aswell. 
I have a little boy whos 6 and i will tell him when and if i find out a child was created from my egg but i wouldnt want him to see it as a half sibling as the child will have its own family i dont want to complicate things for anybody, i just see it as if i can put sum1 else out of their mysery aswell as helping myself then i might get sum good karma too.
How do you feel about it? How would you like a doner to see any children born from their eggs? It is very nice to talk to somebody from the oposite point of view xx


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## waikiki (Aug 11, 2010)

Hi Myturn,

I am also 'from the other side' and having DE treatment at the moment.  So far on all of my donor egg cycles the personality and interests of the donor are of more interest to me than whether they look exactly like me physically.  That's because I like to think that if I can spot some things that I have in common with my donor, it is more likely that I might be able to have shared interests with any children that I may have with help from that donor, if that makes sense.  I also think that when the child is older it will give them comfort to know as much as possible about their donor, especially if they are able to identify where some of their own personality traits have come from - it will help with their own sense of identity.

Don't feel that you have big yourself up, you are clearly a very kind and special person to be donating your eggs and I know that anyone in my position would be happy to know about the 'real you' - as much as you are happy to share of course!

Good luck!

waikiki


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## waikiki (Aug 11, 2010)

Forgot to say - wehavethreecats - LOVE your coping strategy, it's one I have to call on quite often too!


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## wehavethreecats (Feb 12, 2012)

I reckon egg donors should be in for a truck load of good karma!

I figured that since recipients don't get to know much about the donor, then I'd never really know if there was a biological half-sibling out there.  So, actually your post is the first time I've had to consider this from that point of view... to be honest i was more worried about the biological mother feeling like she had an emotional/biological 'claim' on the child (not in a horrid way, but an enduring bond, if you like).

I guess I'd be thinking about it a bit the same as you...  kind of like a very broad view of what "family" means, which gives space for biological relatedness without emotional ties. I have quite a few relatives across the UK; many of whom i wouldn't recognise if i passed them in the street... we just aren't a very close family. So, i can understand other forms of family where there is a biological link but not a relationship.  

But, I would certainly understand the 18year old's curiosity to go and find the egg donor, and as you say, see what see looks like (and find out if she was stubborn too, haha).  So, it's good that the child has a chance at a later stage to get in touch with the UK system.  There is stigma for me as recipient though: about having a rubbish body, about not being woman enough, about having 'prioritised my career' (actually, i prioritised having the right man, and had a career too, but others don't always see it that way!).  

DH said something really helpful about this, in relation to feeling 'threatened' as a parent that the 18year old goes off to find his/her bio parent... that if we do get 18 years into parenthood and the kid wants to 'trade us in' for their 'real mum' then we'll have done such a bad job of raising them that we will be glad to be rid of them. LOL.  We know that even if we aren't perfect parents, we'll not be that bad 

Part of our motivations for having a UK donor is also that it feels less exploitative ... e.g. women like you who are egg-sharing, or those who've been through IVF for male-factor infertility and want to help out someone who can't have their own child.  Overseas, i worry that ££ comes into it, and it feels exploitative of women on low incomes.  So, that is why i reckon it would be positive to have a sentence or two in your statement about why you want to do it. 

Waikiki:  yes, very well said in your post re: myturnnow? being clearly a lovely person!  I agree that having a sense of personality traits might be quite reassuring too.


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Thanx waikiki, i do get a warm feeling knowing i can help some one else, so i know i must be making the right decision.
Wehavethreecats: 
I dont think you should worry about a child running off to find their 'real mum' they arnt their real mum you would b their real mum, fair enuff the 'seed' wasnt urs but if you didnt plant and water the seed it would never exsist, you grew the child, gave birth to the child and raised it, same as everybody else does, so there fore its your child! 
And been i donor i think id like to know a little bit about who im donating too but i dont think thats possible, im just nosey n like to know things lol xx


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## wehavethreecats (Feb 12, 2012)

that's a great picture about the seed, needing planing, watering and nurturing


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)




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## missy86 (Jun 1, 2012)

hi ladies i am also donating some of my eggs and have found myself stuck on what to write in my good will message...
any ideas
im so happy i have something i can share with someone else and improve there life and my own 

love missy xxx


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi missy i am still stuck on what to write and keep putting if off but i got my councling session on thursday and have to send my forms in, in 2 weeks! Finding really hard to start off x


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## missy86 (Jun 1, 2012)

i no that feeling of not knowing where to start   
good luck myturn in sure ur find the write words when the time comes. i think it take a very specail person to donate eggs what ever the reason for doin it   

im so glad i found this place ive not really got anyone to talk so really greatful for all replies 
lots of love and baby dust 
    missy xxx


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

Just seen ur signiture, does ur clinic not want u to hand forms in b4 u start? Mines tellin me i got to have all my forms signed n sent in b4 any treatment starts. How are u finding things with treatment so far? X


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## missy86 (Jun 1, 2012)

hi myturn..
my clinic sed as long as Ive filled it in by the time i go in for egg colletion its fine, i suppose every clinic is different.
Ive found it very challenging mentally tbh..but I'm happy with donating thats not a challenge at all, its more the mood swings Ive been gettin!
the clinic put me on the pill (bad move) it really doesn't like me ha ha, and then wen taking the menopause injection Ive been getting side effects like hot flushes, headaches and extream ups and downs with my moods..I'm now taking that and stimms its my second day on them and Ive evened out a bit a feel back to my normal self    

Ive been positive and telling myself its all going to work but also need to remind myself there is a possability it might not, i dnt see why it shouldn't as Ive got a little girl age 8 from natural conception..
i have been lucky enough to find my soul mate and cant wait to make our family bigger..
  how r u getting on with Ur treatment ? its so nice to talk to someone about it   thank u for Ur reply xxx


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## Myturn? (Mar 26, 2012)

I start treatment wen i get back off my holiday, shud b start of august, im doing short protocol, i hope i dont get any mood swings as im bad enuff as it is at the min, i hope to god it works coz i dont know how long i can mentally torchure myself and my boyfriend, feel like i been really horrible to him lately n need to snap out if it! Im only young so have got plenty of time but feel like its taking over my life wish i cud forget about it but its easier said than done! Which clinic are you at? X


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## missy86 (Jun 1, 2012)

Myturn...
I'm the same with mood swings I'm bad enough with out all this lol...
I'm with herts & essex clinic, they r pretty good but when i first started i was a little lost and found it really hard to get hold of them on the fone.
i didn't no Wat was coming or any dates but since started on injections they have been brill    
i really hope this works for u hun I'm also really worried how ill cope mentally if it doesn't work but we need to stay positive  
stay in touch and let me no how u get on be lovely to here from u xxx


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