# Donor egg cycles questions for those that have been there...



## supernoodle (Jan 5, 2008)

41 creeped up on me, just had 4th ivf cycle, bfn (1x5day blaste so v lucky)    Previous 3 cycles NT.. . Dh wants to cycle again then look at adoption, (not an option for me due to my history of depression, wish kept mouth shut now as its not like i got help when i needed!) anyway, we are now considering a tandem cycle with DE or just DE? Have a few questions and would really appreciate any guidance from the that have been there...


Where dd you cycle?
How much did you pay for your tandem cycle (looking at going abroad) and/or DE cycle?
How close did they match the donor?
How many eggs/embryos dd you get from De and OE
How many DE/OE did you transfer? 
Your outcome?


We have cycled in czech and Cyprus, the traveling and the unknown hard, would it be possible with DE for my dh to drop off a sample to freeze then for the donor to cycle, get results, freeze then decide if i will cycle with OE and include DE FET? what are the implications of this? Can it be done? Just seems like less stress??


I see many siggies with multiple DE attempts and I feel scared. I would rather get a reality check now before I proceed. 


Thanks so much


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

hi hun,

  for your recent BFN, it's tough I know 

can't answer all your questions but will do what I can and hopefully someone else will be along soon...

I had DE (and DS as am single) at Reprofit in Czech. Think about £4000 per cycle for fresh donor. I had one fresh cycle which resulted in 6 embies, 2 put back, BFN. 3 frozen. Went back for the frosties, 2 of the 3 put back, resulted in twins   
I had also had one fresh DE attempt in the UK where donor produced 20 eggs so 10 for me, but only 2 good enough embies to go back on day 3 and that was BFN. 
So in total it took me 2 fresh DE and 1 FET to achieve a successful outcome

Hard to say how close they match the donor - depends what you mean really...and partic hard for me to judge as I used donor sperm as well as eggs. They match on main physical criteria and will match on blood type if you request it

I have heard that Serum in Athens is partic good for tandem cycles

Good luck!
Suitcase
x


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## supernoodle (Jan 5, 2008)

Hi suitcase, first of all many congratulations on your success, I have much respect for women who make things happen! Thanks so much for writing, your info very useful, so i take it the sperm would have been frozen too? Thinking at least might reduce much stress if dh drops of sample first? DE is all new for me so getting my head and emotions around it atm! I'll have a look at serum, Thanks again x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

yes, frozen sperm
certainly at Reprofit I know your DH can leave frozen sperm there as I know couples who have done this    

Reprofit are pretty flexible with most things, as are Serum (from what I hear) 
only thing to think about with DFET is that success rates are generally lower than with fresh cycle. That said, I ended up with twins from FET and nothing from the fresh cycle, so success rates will only get you so far   

best of luck,
Suitcase
x


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## CazKat (May 3, 2012)

We used the IVF clinic in Famagusta, Cyprus. Not many people seem to have heard of it but they're  reporting very good success rates at the moment - and based on my visit in 2010, I'd say 100% lol... we have a son after years of trying unsuccessfully with my own eggs. 
When matching they checked the usual - hair colour, eye colour, skintone, height, weight, build, blood type - and then also let us know the age, nationality, education level and profession of any matches they found for us, so that we could choose. We were lucky in that our best match even did a similar job to me... so we hope she had a similar mentality to mine - well, maybe hope is the wrong word, lol, but you get what I mean? 
We were also lucky in that our donor produced 13 eggs for us, of which all but one fertilised and then 8 were useable - 2 were implanted, and the others were frozen. 
I think all in all that first cycle cost about £9.5k, but that included everything - all uk drugs  / consultants visits, flights, hotel, and all the Cyprus clinic costs, including freezing our 'spare' eggs for 2 years. We're currently back in Famagusta, having had 2 of the frosties from last time implanted yesterday - we'll know in a couple of weeks if we have success again  This time, the total cost is about £4.5 k - again, all in. 

HTH


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## mydolly (Apr 10, 2012)

Hi, 

I'm wondering how you found the emotional side and impact of using DE?  

I'm 40, he's 41, I have seriously bad endometriosis - lots of scaring, had large cyst in one ovary on the 2nd attempt which hosp advised to ignore, his sperm is fine.

Had 3 cycles of IVF, 2 last year, first failed having got 3 to blast stage, 2 put back.  The second (used icsi) I had 2 put back at 3 days, but contracted sepsis...spent 9 days in hospital, a week at home then back into hospital to take out what had become an infected cyst - 3 months off work overall recovering!  Had a horrendous summer as you can imagine.  Then before xmas had a blocked bowel, another week in hospital and month off work.

Consequences are that my AMH level is lower at around 5.  Just underwent 3rd IVF cycle at different hospital, needless to say, used ICSI, had 2 put back but failed.  Found out last night reason was fragmentation, poor quality eggs.

Recommendation put forward is to use DE abroad, Cyprus.  Unsure of emotional implications for both of us, he's struggling as much/more than me.  Be interested to know how you dealt with this, how men have found it, we both are unsure about adoption, I would prefer DE attempt first.

Also - has anyone had poor quality eggs one attempt, then tried again and the eggs been better and worked, or is this wishful thinking on our part that that could happen?  Still wondering whether to have another go with my eggs?

Please help...really struggling with everything.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

mydolly -   
I'm single so can't comment on the impact on your DH. For me personally, it was not a decision I took lightly or quickly to move to DE. Over time I had counselling and it became my plan B. After 5 attempts with OE including one with PGD where all embryos were found to be severely chromosomally abnormal, I realised that my best chance was to move to plan B. When I had the PGD and all embryos were poor quality, consultant said next cycle could be different and that there was always a chance but older you get, harder it is to find the good eggs...
Think everyone has their own limit, it took me 5 cycles and PGD to get closure with my own eggs, some people have fewer or indeed more - you have to draw your own line...

One thing I would say is that now I have my boys, I wouldn't have it any other way. They are 100% my babies (despite being donor egg and sperm) and I couldn't love them any more than I do
So although it was a long and difficult journey to get here, it was worth it   

best of luck with your next steps. take your time to work out what's right for you and DH, and try to get some counselling too as it can really help talk through the implications   

Suitcase
x


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## CazKat (May 3, 2012)

Donor eggs aren't for everyone but after 5 failed cycles using my own eggs (1 short-lived pg) DE seemed the only option... We went to Cyprus because the donor remains anonymous, and that was a big thing for us... knowing that we would never know who the donor was and that the donor would never know if any of her eggs resulted in pg or in a baby meant we felt a lot safer in going this route - there's no way in a few years time that the donor could come back asking questions. 

In the beginning, we only told our immediate family that we were using donor eggs - mainly cos we really didn't think anyone else needed to know! Loads of people know he was the result of IVF but only a few know about the DE, although we've told a few more of our friends now and no-one has been 'shocked' iyswim. He is my baby - I grew him, and I never really think about the fact that he's not from my own eggs. When I was pregnant and when he was born, I can't say if it felt different to how my 'own' eggs would have felt cos I've never been pg before! What I do know is that he's my son, no-one else's.. apart from his dad's, of course, lol..... and he's the dead spit of his dad! I've had some people say he looks like me too... I know that's not really possible but I do wonder about the whole nurture vs nature thing!

From the point of view of the treatment, it was very simple for me, and much less stressful than going through all the stimms etc when you're going to use your OE... they just had to make sure my body was ready to receive the eggs at the right time. The only downside was having to sort out our own travel and accommodation- although even that wasn't difficult! The clinic organised the airport transfers, we did the rest.... 

Emotionally, we didn't find it that hard, once we'd taken on board the fact that this really was our only hope of having a child. After all, I was the one who grew the egg into a baby, no-one else  

That's our take on it, anyway


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## CazKat (May 3, 2012)

Oh - and as regards the male point of view.... my OH is really happy with how things went. It's his sperm, and I grew it into a baby, which means our son is just that - OUR son. TBH we're both pretty laid back about it... neither of us has had any problem with it at all  As he said just now, our son is no more or less his than he would have been using my own eggs.... but I do think that it helps that they're the exactly the spit of each other, lol....


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## mydolly (Apr 10, 2012)

Thanks Suitcase & CazKat, it's such a difficult time and a huge decision.  We will need to really consider, also whether to tell or not if we do use DE. He doesn't want anyone to know and I'm inclined to agree.  I think I'd feel as though it was mine, if succesful, having carried for 9mths, it seems the only chance that we could have children but so emotionally difficult.  Feel very depressed about everything at the mo, he does too.  All friends/family have had 2 kids in the time we've been trying which just makes us feel terrible, happy for them but we just feel worse and worse! Just don't know what to do for the best.  It feels like DE is really our only option, but is it the right one? My instinct is yes, but his was no - he would find it hard that there isn't a genetic link to me, whereas I feel that having carried it for 9 mths, if we're lucky enough to concieve that is, that that would make me feel like the genetic mother anyway...I don't know...I do think people see what they want to see, so would be lilely to say they look like me even if used DE, but how hard is that to deal with, knowing that they're not related?


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

you might find this thread helpful:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=274476.0

your fears and worries are very natural and most of us using DE have experienced similar feelings 

I am pro telling primarily because I feel the child ought to know, and I would hate for there to be family secrets but also because I'm single so will have to explain sperm donor anyway. And because I've told lots of poeple so would be an awful situation if others knew and the children themselves didn't. I would say if you are in any doubt about telling the child, make sure you tell no one else (this can be hard on you too if you've no one but eachother to talk to so do think through the implications carefully - this is where counselling can really help)

you've just had a BFN so your feelings are naturally very raw. do take some time to grieve before you plan your next steps 

remember many children don't look their parents, genetic link or not! my sister's 3 kids all look like her (and therefore also like me as me and my sister look very similar) - her hubby doesn't get a look in and yet I know for sure they are his kids  
one of my twins looks a lot like his cousin did as a baby (my sister's little boy) and yet they are not genetically related at all...just one of those things I guess!
the thing about what the babies look like is something you worry a lot about beforehand (I know I did) but once they are here it suddenly doesn't matter one tiny little bit 

best of luck, and feel free to PM me if you want to chat further
Suitcase
x


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## Maiamaiamaia (Mar 28, 2010)

I put my costings here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=94928.msg4941490#msg4941490

I need to update it as I had to get more meds having been lucky enough to be successful. Only about £134.

My DEIVF was 3500EUR however price has now gone up to 4500EUR

Best of luck with whatever you decide!


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