# New to FF and not coping at all



## sian831 (Jul 27, 2010)

New to FF. TTC since we married, currently on 5th round of Clomid (as I have PCOS) but losing faith. OBGYN says if nothing in the next 2 months then it will have to be IVF. At first I thought it was pretty simple but having ready up on things I feel as though I'm at the point of mental melt down. the sites say you get 2 - 3 goes on the NHS BUT if you have private TX first you only get once cycle on NHS, then it says that your BMI has to be between 19 and 29. Mine is 30 and I'm dreading not being allowed TX. Losing weight with PCOS is almost impossible, I know as I've tried on and off for years. Not sure whether to give it another few months or just cut to the chase and go for the IVF and OH just says that it's my decision. Even if I do go straight to IVF, it could be a huge wait on the NHS and if I have private TX in the meantime it will limit my go's on the NHS. Is it just me or is this whole thing just a complete joke??
Feel like I'm losing it and everyone just keeps saying "don't worry. it will happen" or "try to relax and not think about it". If I hear it one more time I'll scream. Feel like curling up in a ball, falling asleep and never waking up


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi Sian,

I'm new to FF too and your message struck me as you're clearly very distressed by your situation.  I think you've found the right place for advice, encouragement and support.

Everything you read tells you that trying to relax is very important, so I really would try.  Zita West's book A Complete Guide to Fertility and IVF is a good read for a very holistic look at this area - it covers nutrition, alternative therapies, acupuncture, relaxation techniques etc.  And positive visualization techniques to help you feel more positive.

If you're young enough, I'd probably try the NHS route and if time isn't on your side I'd go private.

But remember at the end of the day, you and your husband are the most important people in all of this.  Love one another and  be gentle with yourself, and you'll find more energy for the road ahead. 

Best of luck to you.

x


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Hi Sian

I can relate to the weight issue as also have PCOS but I did weight watchers and lost 3 stone 2 years ago for treatment,  You can do it, you are so close to the BMI anyway, I was far far away!  As for NHS cycles, do you know what the waiting lists are like as that might also help make your decision.  It is crap, we didn't qualify for any funding and have recently taken a loan on our mortgage to consolidate IVF debt, so if you can wait, I would take the NHS option before going private just to maximise your chances with the minimum expense which could still run into at least ten thousand for three cycles! Good luck hun


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Sian and welcome to Fertility Friends 

Sian, I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment  Everyone on this site will understand the feelings you have, so you'll get lots of support. Please dont struggle with your emotions on your own. There are other ladies in your situation, I'll leave you some links to help you shortly  
Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *CLICK HERE

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*Clomid ~ *CLICK HERE

http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility.html
This is the governing bodys site, you'll get info on specific clinics in the UK, success rates, procedures etc

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will find a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

*PCOS ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and  
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)

*This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites*


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

You can also ask for access to our weight loss support area if you would like:

*Belly Buddies: Weight loss support ~ *CLICK HERE
You can fill out this simple form to ask the Admin team for access to Belly Buddies x http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/component/option,com_contact/task,view/contact_id,1/Itemid,159/


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## sian831 (Jul 27, 2010)

Thanks girls for all your kind words of encouragement. Feeling a lot better since the weekend and you have made me feel even better. We're seeing the GP on Friday am to see how long the waiting list is in our area for IVF. We have two more months on Clomid at an increased dose and I'm doing lots of excercise, having reflexology and using pre seed so we're throwing everything at it for those last two cycles!
If it still doesn't work, it's not the end of the World, IVF will be the next step. The most important thing, as pointed out by Atishoo (is that spelt right?) is that I have a wonderful husband and we have each other and a wonderful life together.
Thanks again, I hope I can return the favour in the future. Sending you all lots of positive vibes and love xxxx


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi Sian,

You sound heaps more positive!  That's great.  My partner doesn't want any more children (he has two grown up kids), so I envy your ability to go through this with your husband by your side at every step.  I'm about to go it alone.

So pleased to hear all the proactive steps you're taking.  I keep having to remind myself that the scariest and most frustrating thing is taking no action at all.  Getting stuck just makes all your problems fester and seems bigger than they are.  Action is key.

Good luck with the exercise.  Yoga would also be good for keeping you relaxed and focused.

But you already sound like a winner.  Well done!  

x


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## pricklyhedgehog (Aug 9, 2010)

Sian, we are new to FF too....after cycles of private DI treatment in the UK (VERY expensive and not eligible for NHS funding due to having already conceived a child), we have opted for private treatment in Denmark....the costs are a third of what it would be in the UK...have you and your husband considered this option if you have to go down the private funded route
I stumbled across this site, but am so glad I did as the information I have found on this regards to others realisitic experiences has been invaluable. Good luck to you both!


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hi Sian

i am reasonably new to FF ( had my first DIUI on Monday in Cz Rep) and have also found it invaluable.  Some of the questions i have had answered on here not even my GP knew!

Hi Atishoo, i'm just curious and I hope you don't mind me asking, you mention you're 'about to go it alone' does that mean because you want to go ahead that you have become single to do it, or has your partner agreed to support you in having the treatment and still be there as your partner.  Sorry if that's too personal and I'll understand if you'd rather not answer.  It's just i'm single but if i was in a relationship and my partner didn't want kids that would be something i would have to consider very seriously but it certainly would be a difficult decision.

GG x


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## pricklyhedgehog (Aug 9, 2010)

Great Gazza - How was your IUID?

regards sharon


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

hi prickly

the treatment itself was fine - just a few minutes.. the overall experience and situation was a complete farce to be honest and v stressful!  think i've explained stuff on either the singles or iui boards but a few snippets - had no idea how to take pregnyl or how much as had picked up prescription in cz and absolutely no instructions from dr and couldn't get hold of clinic/clinic pharmacy/dr stepan and was getting different advice from here as it's different for everyone.  at the last min got hold of someone at clinic and cabbed it up there so they did it for me. next day turned up at clinic and they had no idea who i was or what i was doing there.  found out night after tx from a fellow fertility friends girl that i bumped into over there that i wasn't supposed to have a bath till after testing.....if i'd had my swimming stuff i would have gone swimming in a lake that day.... i had no idea and dr hadn't told me any of that.....apart from that and a few other stresses thrown in for good measure all fab!!  if a bfp and a baby does come out of this it really will be a miracle

out of interest what does f/f couple mean?

GG x


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

GG ... Hope it all turns out good for you      When do you test?
(f/f female/female couple)


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## Branston Pickle (Dec 28, 2009)

Hi Sian

Just to say BMI varies between clinics. Im BMI 30 and am currently undergoing treatment. From what I have been told our clinic are 35 upper limit. Although they encourage people to be lighter if toward the upper limit. 

As for the minefield of IF, its tough, there's no bones about it. This site is excellent for asking questions and for getting information. Its also good to talk to people who know what you are going thro. There is also a bit for doing like an online blog/diary thing. People can read it but they cant directly comment on what you say. Although you often find people will send you private messages. I found it therapeutic to just type away and rant about how I was feeling as sometimes that can be difficult to express to people.

Good Luck with your treatment and      to you and DH.  xxx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Ceri - i would have been testing on mon 23rd but as i had read on here that sometimes people take pregnyl shots following tx and it can help i happened to ask the dr what to do with the rest of my pregnyl....he said i could dispose of it....i then happened to mention that i had had 2 miscarriages....so then he told me to take another shot tomo, another next weds and test on sat 28th so i have to wait a bit longer..however, seeing as he knew nothing of my medical history(!!??) i'm glad i'd read that info somewhere on here and offered up that information otherwise i'd have been chucking away my pregnyl none the wiser!! yikes to the whole flippin experience!

went to see my gp today who altho had me in tears as she wasn't being very supportive thought i should complain to reprofit and she's from the czech republic herself!  not sure i can deal with that sort of stress to be honest...


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## pricklyhedgehog (Aug 9, 2010)

Blimey GG! You HAVE been through it! Good on you for going it alone over in the Czch Republic though...it's not an easy decision to make....I'm headed to Copenhagen clinic on my own in next 6 weeks, and have never been there before! Like yourself, my GP is less than helpful...I am currently about to try him again to ask if its possible to have my Day 10 ultrasound scan here in UK via NHS....the fee for private ultrasound scans are horrendous! But I guess I have to offset this against the fact that DI treatment in UK clinics are even more expensive...and going to Copenhagen means I can try 2-3 times for the cost of one cycle in the UK with no waiting times for donors!
I have had IUI treatment using pregnyl shot before, and conceived my daughter first time using this at a UK clinic IUI.....but can't recall having to continue using it....although I hadnt had previous miscarriages....but am wondering if this would be advisable in my situation now...having had 1 / 2 chem pregnancies / miscarriages this year myself....havent heard this advice about continuing to take pregnyl after initial shot...
I think the doctor in your clinic needs a serious kick up rear! Not knowing your medical history....not being prepared for you....thats awful!
Do you intend to return to the same clinic if things dont work out this time around for you? 
BUT of course they will work out....and you will GET a BFP!!!


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## Rattray32 (Aug 12, 2010)

Hello  
when i read your post i thought ''my god someone else feels how i feel''
this whole trying to get pregnant s a bloody nightmare
I am trying to decide whether to go on the waitllist for IVF at the moment but after over 7 years of trying i dont know if i could handle it emotionally. I feel that if i go through this i will have a total breakdown.I can hold it together most of the time as i throw myself into work and have become a total workaholic just to stop me thinkng about it.
what if it doesnt work? where do you go from there.
people say ''your still young'' (im not really im 32 so the clock is ticking) or they say ''be positive it will happen''.but these are usually people who have had children and dont really know what else to say.

thats why i joined this site so you can get other peoples opinions who understand what we are going through.
I hope everything works out for you and you get the support you need from this website

SORRY ABOUT THAT LITTLE RANT IT JUST SORT OF CAME OUT!! HA HA 
take care xx


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