# Newbie - AF arrived today, so sad.



## BIMB1 (Feb 26, 2013)

Hello 

I'm new and this is my first post - it's so great to find a forum where people seem to understand how awful this feels. 

I am sat here in tears after AF came this morning. 

I am 37 and have a 22 month old DS who was born by EMCS. We  have been trying for #2 for nearly a year now without success. I feel like such a failure. We conceived twice within the first 3 months of ttc #1 (I miscarried the first at 6 weeks and the next was DS). 

I am obsessed with the idea that the EMCS damaged me in some way. The other thing that occurs to me is that there may be something wrong with my hormones. My cycles are haywire. They vary between 27 and 37 days and I ovulate on wildly different days each month - i.e. one month CD14 the next CD24. I have been taking my BBT for the last 3 months of trying so I know that we "targeted" the right days to BD and also have had preliminary blood tests at the GP which indicate I'm ovulating. I just don't know WHY the bloody sperm can't meet the egg!

My DP is having a semen test in a couple of weeks and we then have an appointment (NHS) at a fertility clinic a week later. It sounds stupid but I want them to find something wrong - I need to know that there is a reason why its not happening that can be "fixed."

Friends and family in real life have been kind but don't seem to understand why I'm so distressed. Most say (including DP sometimes) "we're lucky to have DS." I KNOW I am. It's the fact that he's so amazing and I love being his mum that makes me so desperate for another. I know they mean well but it makes me feel guilty - as if DS "isn't enough." 

Anway - any advice, tips on coping, tips on ways we can help ourselves (diet, supplements etc) would be great. 

Sorry for the long whiney post - it's a bad day today. 

Bx


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## Hobie15 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hi Bimb1,

I have to reply to you..... do not feel guilty, we all yearn to have children whether it is our first, second or third.  The hurt and anguish we feel is still there.  As you can see from my signature, i have unexplained secondary infertility, my husband is blessed with super swimmers , but i am just too old at 43.

I had an EMCS with my DD and have since had a lap and hysterscopy, but nothing untoward found.

My cycles were all over the place but i have fiund a great acupuncturist and chinese herbalist who has worked wonders with me and others, you might want to see if there is one near you.

I have to go and collect DD from school now but will add more later. 

X x x


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## Hobie15 (Jan 15, 2013)

Sorry for abrupt end of previous post, i'd lost track of time 

I desparately want a sibling for DD...... she is so wonderful and I love her so much it makes me want another desparately.  I absolutely understand all the sentiments you express in your post.

I know several friends who have gone down the route of traditional chinese medicine TCM, i was very sceptical at first but it has made a huge difference to me and others either complimentary to the assisted route or as an alternative to assisted.

Take care of yourself and try not to gettoo stressed about it 

X x


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

BIMB1, you are not alone.  Secondary infertility is so common yet not something that is not so openly discussed .... as you say, we are told repeatedly to count our blessings and I don't doubt that it must be incredibly painful not to have any children but not being able to have more children can also have a huge impact.

I, like you were desperate for a reason, something that could be fixed.  In the end, all the usual tests came back normal.  However, we wanted to rule out everything so went for private full immunes testing and found that I had slightly high natural killer cells (good for my health, bad for getting pregnant) so we had successful IVF with immunes treatment.

From a practical point of view, have you had your thyroid levels checked as any inbalance can have a knock-on effect to other hormones?  Also, as Hobie says, acupuncture is meant to be very good for balancing out hormone levels which are responsible for your varying cycle lengths.    Also, you have not mentioned if you have any other diagnostics done ..... a HSG (an X-Ray to check your tubes), a hysteroscopy (a camera inserted vaginally to check your womb).  There are so many things to check out or try before you get down the IVF route so don't panic, any one of these could work.

To your other question, how do you cope?  Well, for me, it was talking to the lovely ladies here, venting and sharing all the highs and lows.  And finally taking action/control.  I felt so much better when we had a plan.  I researched all our options and we decided what we'd try and decided when we'd draw a line under this and move on.

Sadly, during this time, I also had to avoid some of the more insensitive people in our lives to save myself the heartache but I wouldn't necessarily advocate this but you do what you have to to keep yourself emotionally well.

Please take heart from the fact that you have been through a pregnancy before so your body can do that and also that you have an NHS appointment at a fertility clinic (something many of us are not entitled to sadly).  I hope you have your answers and success soon.


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## DeMaz (Feb 27, 2013)

Hi there,

I'm a Newbie and just read your post BIMB1. i am so sorry youre having a hard time. I am in a very similar boat. I'm 35 and have been trying for the  2nd for over a year now which I know is nothing compared to some other ladies but frustrating if you know you conceived the first in the first month.  
Hubby's sperm is fine and I had some blood test with my GP which came back fine. I ovulate every month but like you, get tearful and angry whenever AF arrives  . I always seem to take it out on my poor hubby and not sure how long my marriage will last as a result. I'm soooooo very stressed. I really do know how you feel.

These are the things I have tried so far:

- OPKs (Ovulation Sticks)
- Clearblue Fertility Monitor - brilliant at detecting my surge and estrogen
- Preseed for extra lubrication
- Softcups- to keep all swimmers close to the cervix

In terms of Vitamins I take:
- Pregnacare
- B6 to extend my Luteal Phase which is very short.
- CoQ10 - to increase egg quality.

This is why this is driving me mad. I have tried everything........ If it still hasn't happened by the end of March, I am off to see a specialist.

I really do understand where you're coming from and really hope you get it all sorted.


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## BIMB1 (Feb 26, 2013)

Hello again

Hobie - you've been through so much so thank you for taking the time to reply and everyone else - it really does mean a lot. 

Sorry its taken me a while to reply but I've had the day from hell at work and had no time to take a sneaky peak at the internet. 

I am feeling a bit better today. DP and I even had a giggle this evening over his sperm test. He has to erm... abstain for 48 hours before hand and (you guessed it!) those 48 hours are slap bang in the middle of my likely fertile period this month. Grrrr. Still we've agreed that its more important that we make sure the test is accurate as possible so will just have to hope I ovulate a bit later this month. But who know with my crazy cycles. 

Demaz - I have been taking Pregnacare but am interested in trying the CoQ10 - does it have any side effects?  I take my BBT temp so that's how I've been pinpointing ovulation (after the event of course). DP and I basically BD every other day from the day my period ends and (if we are not too knackered/fed up) everyday while I have fertile CM and until my temp goes up. 

Bubblicious -  The only thing I know from the blood tests at the GP is that my progesterone levels confirmed ovulation and that there was nothing else showing as abnormal. I have no idea if they checked for thyroid issues or anything else. I haven't had any other investigations yet but this is what I'm hoping for at the clinic appointment. If they send me away for 3 months more blood tests I'll scream!  One thing I have noticed is that since stopping the pill a year ago I get very bad nausea after ovulation - as bad as I got during pregnancy with DS.  I feel really quite ill throughout most of the whole TWW actually. Dizzy, sick etc.  Then it eases off a bit. And then a day before my period I get really bad nausea again. Its so cruel because I always think I'm pg. 

Thanks again for replying to me, it's really nice to have people to chat to who understand. I have some very close RL friends but they have all had thier second DC (one after literally BD-ing once "around" the right time to see what would happen...) and I feel like they don't really know what to say to me anymore.  

Wishing you all the best of luck!


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## DeMaz (Feb 27, 2013)

So sorry you've had the day from hell. On top of everything else especially. I am a Stay At Home Mum but sometimes I feel like I want to be working to take my mind of TTC.  

Anyway CoQ10, I have been taking this for one month so far, one tablet per day (200mg) and apart from a slight tummy upset the first night I have had no other symptoms whatsoever. The only downside to this vitamin is that it's quite expensive.  I'm not sure where you're based but I ordered mine from here:

www.naturesbest.co.uk

Not sure if they do it cheaper elsewhere. I've also heard of soy isoflavones but I'm not going to take them just yet.
You also mentioned about feeling nauseous after ovulation. I also get a slight nauseous feeling, with a bit of cramping and wonder if its normal..... Hmmmm, so many questions....

Xxx 

/links


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