# Spending so much time on infertility at the cost of time with the child i do hav



## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

I feel so guilty and confused on this rollercoaster. Every second I get I am on the net researching what to next to achieve a second pregnancy at the cost of time with the child i do have. I wonder has the last two years been as good as they could gave been for her when mummies head is always on what I don't have instead of what I do have. I wonder about all the amazing places i could have taken her with the money reserved for fertility which is extortionate. I ask myself if I had been given a glimpse of my current life 10 years ago and seen what I do have today I know I would have cracked opened the bubbly. I'm scared that the whole process has clouded my judgement so much that I don't know how to make a decision anymore. I fear quitting because I haven't reached acceptance yet. Feeling reflective tonight


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## lemongrass (Sep 19, 2015)

Hi Gemini, it's natural to feel reflective like you do, but don't beat yourself up with guilt.  Remember that part of why you are doing this is that you think your DD will benefit from a sibling.  And while there's always plenty of stuff you could do with the ivf money, is it really realistic that you'd take her to these amazing places, when you've probably both got settled routines?  I used to think about great toys I could buy my DS, but then I'd think "he's really happy with what he's got".  Also, when we last took him on holiday (and went to great lengths to give him a lovely time), he kept saying he wanted to go home    If you're not ready to quit, don't.  But do keep reminding yourself about what you said about being thrilled with the way your life has worked out.  All the best! x


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## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

Thanks Lemongrass, feeling more positive today. I think I was feeling very stressed because while I have a few options. In the pipeline I didn't know what to do for the best. I had a very interesting phone call today with a clinic within driving distance to me who are moving from anonymous donor programmes to identifiable by the end of this year and they guarantee blasts. It ticks all the boxes and gives me a plan. Feeling hopeful


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