# Single,need egg donor,sperm doner. Do I go alone or wait hoping I get accepted



## Lizzo (Jan 3, 2012)

Hi All.

I haven't been on here for ages.

Me and my partner split up around 10 months ago, we went through 5 rounds of ivf and they all failed. Well one lasted 24 hours.

I so wish it had of worked but I cling to, it wasn't meant to be, and was not meant to be with that person. I'm a great believer in whats meant to be will be.

I am 36 and I am infertile  
I don't know what to do because I don't want to wait to meet someone and then have to wait till the right time to tell them I can't have kids, and can't produce them either. I feel like they would run a mile!! I told one bloke I was dating and he ran, haha!
I don't know that I want to hang around waiting for a bloke to accept me for who I am, and stop me from fulfilling my dream of being a mother.
It's been so hard getting my own head around it, let alone dating again and facing my infertility on my own, then any potential dates/relationships talking about kids and me dreading telling them and then them running.....So am I best to just do it alone or is that selfish?!

Some people don't realise how lucky they are!!

Thank you for reading, and I hope I haven't waffled too much!! x


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Hi no I don't think you're being selfish. To me - wanting a baby is a human need, a basic human right.

I'm nearly 38 and single and I've given up meeting a partner now and even if I did meet someone the pressure for me to conceive would quickly ruin any potential relationship lol.

I've just started TTC with a co partner and if I'm not pregnant in 6 months ill move on to IUI with donor sperm. I think at our age you have to be determined and ruthless!

Sorry to hear about your infertility. Have you thought about frozen embryo transfer? My friend is 46, single and 26 weeks pregnant via this method so don't give up!


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

I'm so very sad to read about your infertility and that your relationship has foundered.     Briefly, anyone wanting to have a child is selfish - no child coming into this world asked to be here.  There are plenty of women on the singles boards who have used donated sperm and eggs.  Two of my three children were conceived in this manner (and the third was with a sperm donor, but my eggs).  Just imagine how selfish I must be!!!    If you want to be a mummy, and don't want to have to negotiate or compromise with a partner about using an egg donor to enable you to conceive (something we singles don't face at least), go for it.  It's always easier dealing with a fait accompli rather than having a crisis before you get of the starting blocks.


A-Mx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

hi Lizzo
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so down, it is a huge thing to be dealing with on your own!
I've also thought about this dilemma: On the one hand, I am desperate to be a mummy and have a loving partner who wants the child as much as I do, but on the other hand I don't feel time is on my side at all and I wouldn't want to get involved with anyone who doesn't want a baby.
However as I've had trouble conceiving, anyone really wanting a baby wouldn't pick me as their first choice because of my age and fertility issues...!??

Catch-22!

So for the past 2 years as well as going on a few conventional dates, I have mostly focussed on finding someone to co-parent with and I had my first IVF cycle with the chosen co-parent in January, only to miscarry two months later.
I have 3 frozen embies from that cycle and am keen to try again, and interestingly enough the 'conventional  dates' have never been keener to hang out with me!

What I want to say is: don't put your dreams on hold for someone who may or may not turn up and want the same things you do. Follow your instincts to become a mum as a single woman (embryo adoption, IVF with donor sperm, whatever works for you...), and let the right guy find you, somewhere on your journey.
There is nothing more off-putting than some woman who sits around hoping for Prince Charming to rescue her (and if you look on most dating sites, many guys set their upper age limit for a potential date at 33-35!!??) - you'd be a much more attractive match as someone who has her stuff sorted out, and where the guy is just the icing on the yummy cake you call your life.

Also once you have a child, all that dating stuff will take a back seat, and the best matches happen when we least expect it. At least that is my hope/experience 

Keep us posted what you decide, and please know this forum is always here to help!

xx


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

BroodyChick said:


> What I want to say is: don't put your dreams on hold for someone who may or may not turn up and want the same things you do. Follow your instincts to become a mum as a single woman (embryo adoption, IVF with donor sperm, whatever works for you...), and let the right guy find you, somewhere on your journey.
> There is nothing more off-putting than some woman who sits around hoping for Prince Charming to rescue her (and if you look on most dating sites, many guys set their upper age limit for a potential date at 33-35!!??) - you'd be a much more attractive match as someone who has her stuff sorted out, and where the guy is just the icing on the yummy cake you call your life.
> 
> Also once you have a child, all that dating stuff will take a back seat, and the best matches happen when we least expect it. At least that is my hope/experience
> ...


This is so inspirational Broody and reflects my hopes and believes exactly


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Lizzo
just the latest installment on my journey...
I was planning to go ahead with FET on my next cycle, reached out to my CP to tell him as much, but his response was very disappointing. I posted more about that in the Relationship Support thread.

Anyway, then on the weekend, I had a date with someone who I'd just been chatting to online, and on the 3rd day of us hanging out (having had a few heart-to-hearts during our conversations in person and over the phone by then) he basically asked/suggested if he couldn't be the one donating his sperm for my next treatment!

This guy really wants to be with me.
Nope, I am not pregnant anymore (m/c in March), but he knew about that and when I asked him if he'd consider going out with a single mum, he said YES.

Now I am not saying ALL guys feel this way (he is a dad already), but you only need to find ONE who does.

best of luck with everything!

P.S. as it's early days, I said Thank You to my date for considering this, but that I am just getting to know him better for now. I don't want to put pressure on him or myself at the moment


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