# Too much information?



## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Sorry for another post!!!

I'm hoping someone might know the answer to this question... Our LO's SW has told BM our first names... Is that allowed? 

Xx


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## Jo09 (Oct 12, 2009)

Hi, ss asked our permission to tell bp our first names x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Marley,
Obviously every case is different but both our children's bp's know our first names, and we sign off our contact letters with them.
At first it didn't sit easy with us either , especially with there being a slightly higher security concern with one of our children, but at the end of the day we came to terms with it as we do know so very much about the nitty gritty of their lives and it is one of the only concrete facts they know about us.

It shouldn't be a worry unless you have very unusual first names, or they know any other additional info that can be linked together with your names to work out your location etc.

I do know cases where the bp's don't know adoptive parents first names (for various reasons), but I know more that use their first names in their contact letters.    

If I remember correctly I don't think we were asked permission but I can't remember for sure tbh.

You will likely get very varied replies but this was our experience anyway.
x


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

We use our 1st names when doing letter box to both of our children's BF's as well, never thought not too. 

Our eldest did splash them all over the internet though trying to find our son, she also used things we put in our letterbox, it was a bit of a shock at 1st but once we calmed down realised that none of it was very identifiable, don't have unusual names and the info she was using like we had a dog, ours sons birth name, we stoped using his birth surname at that and started using ours were not that identifiable really. 

So I wouldn't personally worry about it to much.


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi Marely

SS always referred to us as 'the adopters' until placement and then asked for our permission to be called by our names. We did toy with the idea of using false names but it wasn't advised and we decided would be harder in the long run so went with own first names
X


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

We don't use our first names during letterbox contact, however I believe SS expect you to use first names if you meet face to face (for the one off BM meeting). However, surnames are never given x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

We were introduced by first name during meeting with BPs but I honestly don't think they even took the info in as was a stressful affair for them. 
We were told this was the norm and we don't have unusual names so have never been concerned about it.


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## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Thanks guys, 

I guess I was just a little worried because our sw is a little too free any easy to give out information and She didn't ask our permission first. 

Xx


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

I wouldn't be happy at all. Sorry for the controversy but I don't think sw had a right to tell them. I am very security conscious and would be most unhappy about this. X


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

I have to agree a little with Frangipanii in so much as SW should not have done this without asking you first. When we met BPs our SW asked us before hand how we wanted to be known and if we wanted to use our 'real' first names. We were okay with this as we perceived no risk in BPs knowing, but the choice should still have been yours to make I feel. Before the meeting with BPs, SS had always referred to us as 'the adopters'. 

I'm guessing like a lot of things in adoption each LA/VA differs so perhaps ours were more privacy conscious. I know it can seem like a really trivial thing on the face of it but we have known of adopters one of whom had a distinctive and unusual first name being 'tracked down' by a BM. Not that I'm suggesting for one second that this would happen in your case Marley.


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## Kaytie (May 7, 2005)

I also agree with the last two posts. The spelling of our first names is relatively unusual and when you Google them together immediately come up with a hit on 192.com.

That tells you the town we live in and it'd only be a small step to buy our full address. I was really concerned about this, even though we were not even at risk of BM wanting to find us but you never know, she might change her mind a few years down the line. Our SW was also surprised and a bit naive, but at that point BM had our names so we now sign the letter for letterbox with our first names.

We're in the process of adopting again and linked to a baby pink. This time there is a risk and we have asked our SW that our first names will not be displayed to BF. Just hope that the names don't get 'leaked' through some silly mistake.


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## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

To be really honest I am annoyed that we were not even asked, especially as there is already a security risk and lots of ******** problems.

I have my sw visiting this week so will be bringing this up with her.

Thanks guys x


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## Kaytie (May 7, 2005)

You should bring it up, she should've  asked and discussed it with you first.
Good luck x


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Hi all

I'm a little worried about this issue as my first name is slightly unusual. A couple of months ago, I changed my name on ******** so my first and last names aren't used. 

We have matching panel this week for 2 blues and Sw should be arranging a meeting with BM (if we get a yes!).  Will have to ask her not to say our names. 

I wouldn't be happy if she did it without our permission

X


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