# Going back on my word



## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

When we had our first meeting with lo's sw we were asked if we would meet bm and we agreed without too much thought. Meetings are not usually allowed if a match is within the la but BP's have moved to a neighbouring la. It was explained that bm wouldn't know we were an in house match as they knew they were looking nationwide for a family and we don't have local accents. 

However lo's sw has now told BP's we live in the la. BP's have also told lo's sw that they do their shopping at a major supermarket in our la. We don't shop there but it isn't far. They actually only live about 10 miles away, nearer than many areas in our la. I now think they are too close and would rather they didn't know what we look like. They have said they look for him when they go shopping to the supermarket. There is only one major town in our la so they might feel tempted to visit.

I really don't want to go back on my word but no longer feel meeting bp is appropriate. It's possible it might not be a problem as lo has been here 8 months and it was last mentioned early in placement when it was left as we had no one to leave lo with. We will be seeing lo's sw soon so want to be prepared if she asks. What do you think?


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

In my opinion ( but I am not where you are so feel free to ignore me) the SW forced you into this position by releasing information about your location.  Do not do it if it is a concern and or will potentially  create safety issues you can't live life looking over your shoulder scared at every turn.  You are not going back on your word the situation has changed.  Your child you know what is best don't doubt yourselves x  x


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

In your position I'd be just the same. It's just not worth a lifetime of anxiety and frankly if they did know who you were, whose to say they wouldn't come up if they saw you of keep an eye out for you. There's no way I'd be meeting BPs if they lived within 10 miles, I'd be in high alert the whole time, it would do my head in.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Completely agree with DIY & mummy elf. You haven't went back on anything, the situation has changed.
Why risk it? If you/DH really have a strong desire to do so, I would be inclined for only One to meet and then I would be altering appearance from as norm ie hair scraped back/no make up if you normally do.

Chances of BPs recognising you when out would be slim but as said I wouldn't feel comfortable with the risk.

HTH x


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Thanks for your replies. Feel much better. My husband has a very distinctive hair colour (you can probably guess) so easier to spot. Hopefully they won't ask again as its been quite some time but know bm was very keen.


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

I agree 100%  The SS have now put you in a very difficult position by revealing your LA area so I would place the blame for your change of heart firmly at their door.  They can be a bit dim sometimes!  

Certainly don't feel bad, you have your family to think of and naturally yours and your LO's needs some above those of the BF.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

with the others..the stoopid Sw's have made this happen..its not your fault. 
maybe the sw's can help you both out with this by agreeing for some sort of exchange of info to happen through letterbox contact..if BP's would agree to it..maybe you can send a few questions you might have asked at the meeting which the BP's can answer and maybe they could ask some of you..with the agreement that if you or they dont want to answer a question then you can ignore it..that way everybody gets some sort of info..
just an idea...


kj x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi there
Just a thought, would you like to know what they look like?
If they recognised LO and you don't know what they look like it would put you at a disadvantage. 

Maybe you have photos and so could recognise them and run a mile?
Cannot believe SW!! Not a good idea of theirs!!

If you don't have photos of BP maybe you'd like to know what they look like!
If you do decide to meet I like the idea of disguising yourself a little. 

Best of luck whatever your decide. 
GG xxx


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

well lo's sw has just dropped by to tell me BP's are not contesting the adoption order in court tomorrow  and that she thinks meeting  is now inappropriate as they visit not only the supermarket but country park near by that we visit and we are very distinctive looking.  They told her they look out for him. So no need to worry after all apart from whether to stop visiting country park.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Glad they aren't contesting and that you don't have to meet.  Sorry about the park that's a bit of a rubbish decision to make x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

You will definitely want a photo of them both for yourselves and for your child I'd say.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Thanks, I do have photos. I still don't want to bump into them though so will avoid the country park for the time being. BP's are not a threat and they sent me a very nice first contact letter, one of the best the letterbox coordinator has seen, thanking me for choosing lo. I feel they have been put in an unnecessary situation. Its not good for them to be looking out for lo and I'm annoyed with his sw. Its really stupid as initially they couldn't find any local adopters and told BP's they were looking nationwide.


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