# A positive advantages thread for those of us just pretending to move on...



## InTheQueue (Jun 29, 2009)

After 2 consecutive IVF miscarriages, and seemingly unsurmountable hormone issues, I am currently trying to trick my body into relaxing and having another baby if it thinks I don't actually want one anymore....so DP and I are coming up with lists of advantages to sticking with the family that we've got:

Don't have to move house
Don't need a bigger car
Could perhaps afford private school for DD but not for 2 DCs
Don't need to be pregnant again with all the back ache and discomfort
Siblings might hate each other anyway
Another DC might not be as perfect as DD
Can start drinking again
No more meds
Won't have to deal with colic in a newborn again
Nicer holidays
More quality time to spend with DD
More time for DP and I to spend with each other
No nore baby weight to lose

This is a 2-track plan, as, if the next IVF fails as well, I am hoping I will end up convincing myself that I never wanted another baby anyway... Any others?


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## nic1977 (Aug 28, 2008)

Hi ITQ

Your post made me smile.  I too am actually kidding myself that I am able to move on. This is exactly the way DH and I have been thinking lately.  We seem to be able to come up with a lot more positives for not having another DC than for having one.  

Our DS will be 12 years old next month and one of our reasons is do we really want to start again with a newborn, nappies and disturbed sleep when in 6 years time DS will be 18!!! OMG and we will probably be able to do whatever we want.  

Another one is DH says he will be too old and will be over 60 when any potential DC is 18.    - we both know that it doesn't matter really. 

Do we really want to go through IVF with all the costs, financial and emotional only to have it fail (I am ever the pessimist!!)  and if it works will I get PND as bad as it was when I had DS.  


It's like we're trying to talk ourselves out of doing treatment, but it's not really working.

Sorry to rant on.  Thanks for listening.
Nic xx


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## InTheQueue (Jun 29, 2009)

Hi Nic,

I will add your "too old when 18" point to my list! Let me know if you think of any other good ones

ITQx


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## sparkleysophie (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi ITQ and Nic,
We are in the same boat too. I had 2 miscarriages in the last year and have been telling myself everything on the list you have made and the additional too old thing - DF will be 49 in April!. However it does feel like I am trying to talk myself out of a last treatment.   . I still don't know whether we will try again and your posts struck a cord.
The only thing I would add more specifically (under the not being pregnant again heading) is no more morning sickness because I had that pretty bad with all 3 pregnancies.
If I think of anything else, will let you know  
Take care,
Sparkley x


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## Dominique123456 (Jul 12, 2008)

ha ha love the title of this thread and the thoughtful responses!

How about:

- no more cleaning puke off the floor, side boards, hair, clothes etc (we had reflux baby!)
- being to do attachment parenting with one baby (i.e. 100% on-demand feeding and co-sleeping and day naps in my lap) which wouldn't be able to do with a second - or at least with great difficulty!
- being able to go on more family holidays and give one baby more world experience


I think this thread is actually making me feel a bit better


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## ccoombes (Jul 15, 2007)

ladies thanks for making me smile.... today is a particulalry bad day but reading this just made me smile and think how lucky DH & I are to have our DD


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## Dominique123456 (Jul 12, 2008)

Oh and no risk of getting OHSS again with complimentary stay in hospital! Or SPD in pregnancy. Or vaginal tears in birth! Or blood loss and anaemia from birth too.


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## dervish (Sep 6, 2008)

Making me smile too - thanks


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## LEXEY (May 21, 2008)

nice to know am not the only 1 kiddin myself


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## mojitomummy (Jun 17, 2008)

being able to afford a gym membership and lose weight cos i no longer have excuse it might as well stay there until after no 2...
being able to afford nursery for 1 child and creche whilst go to gym
parents able to look after one child to give me and dh time together - they're too old to look after 2...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (who are we kidding   )


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## Dominique123456 (Jul 12, 2008)

I keep coming back to this page  Thanks for adding to it


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## InTheQueue (Jun 29, 2009)

Have thought of another one; am so tired working and running around after a toddler that another baby might well finish me off...may be nature is actually being kind rather than cruel...


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## rospop (Jan 20, 2006)

Sooooo glad I found this thread - I am so trying to convince myself and everyone else that i've put having more treatment behind me and that we're moving on............ well we kind of are but why do I keep coming back to these boards!!!!!!

So lucky to have my delightful boy who I love with all my heart but the 'ache' just doesn't go away!

Your posts have really made me smile today and it's nice to know that i'm not alone in feeling this way!

Bec xxx


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