# Sadly converting due to IF choices



## DZWSingleMumma

Hi all,

I am a single lady in the 7th week of pregnancy after being notified of fertility problems last year.  I concieved via Stimulated donor IUI abroad.  I would not have chosen to have children on my own.  I wanted to meet someone to have a family with.  I just ran out of time due to my body.  

I was born and bred Catholic and find myself in a lot of pain as I am choosing to convert to CoE based on their more accepting stance toward the life that I am choosing to lead.

I was away from the church for 17 years and during that time was married (to a non catholic), divorced, had a termination and lived a life very seperate from God.  7 years ago a miracle happened  and my life radically changed.  I have been coming back to the church ever since. 

Over the past 6 months since I found out about my IF issues I have found solace in church and am in the middle of choosing a church local to me.

I have a lot of pain about needing to convert.  I've read all the teachings of the catholic church and I do not agree that Infertility treatment is a sin.  I don't agree that having children outside of marriage is a sin (especially without intercourse).  I don't agree with the idea that children that don't have a father shouldn't be baptised. (not all churches believe this).  I support the right of women to chose around abortion.  I believe that divorce sometimes is the best thing to do in a situation as abusive as mine.  All of these things are a giant red stop sign when it comes to catholicism.  

I believe now in integrity and honesty.  I do not want to live a life seperate from God and be in a place where I will be judged as not adaquate based on life choices.  But most of all I don't want my children to grow up thinking they are somehow bad or sinful when they have done nothing wrong but exist.  

I find this very difficult as I wanted to raise my kids with the faith that I grew up with. I know I would never be accepted into the Catholic church.

I am wrestling with many conflicting feelings as my family are very religious and this is a very painful choice.  As I become more and more pregnant I know I need to make a choice for the sake of my unborn child(ren).  

Any feedback would be welcomed.

God Bless,

Dawn


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## angel star

Hi Dawn,

I read your post the other day and just did not know what to say.

I still don't really know what to say but I can feel your hurt and pain.  

I had ICSI and I am a catholic - oh the dilemmas I had about it, but in the end I opted to do this and I have a beautiful DS. There is no way in the world that any child is a mistake and you are bringing into this world a new life to nurture and love.

If you were in an abusive relationship could you not get an annulment? I'm not sure of the ins and outs of it and maybe you did look into this. I know the church is hard about divorce and divorcees receiving the communion but I am sure in my church there are people who have been divorced who receive the sacraments. Is there anyway you could talk to a priest about all this? Nobody else need know your choices you have made and could not judge you - a bit like the story in the bible where Jesus says ' those without sin cast the first stone'. Everyone carries something with them and I felt like that if people knew about my treatment - I told a few people at church and they were so understanding and accepted it was my choice.

When I was at church yesterday the priest said something that really touched me and that is that God only gives us a cross to bear that we have the strength to carry - so true. How may times on here do we all face adversity but each time we fall get back up and carry on. I pray that you will do what is right for you and be content and God will carry you through.

Take care.


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## brownowl23

HI Dawn

I too am catholic. I have to say my church has very much moved with the times. There have been regular articles about annnulments in our newsletters for those who are divorced. In church this week were a gay couple who were converting to catholicism, and the deacon was very happy to annnounce that they were engaged. 
We did DEIVF soemthing, although our church only knows it was IVF, they are very accepting of it. The boys cathiloic preschool know that they are DEIVF conceived and are very supportive of us. 

Perhaps its your church you need to llok at changing rather than your religionas I think alot of catholic churches are moving with the times

Chris


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## skybluesarah

I really feel your pain.  I am Catholic and we used naprotechnology to have my daughter - we decided IVF wasn't for us.  Whilst the Church is unlikely to change it's overall stance on assisted conception, it also teaches that any child is a child of God, regardless of how conceived - and that any actions you take are a matter for your own conscience and between you and God.  

It sounds to me that you love the Church but not some of the beliefs - in which case converting may be right for you.  But remember - it's not God that you are leaving - He is still with you and will be always.  He's close to you know as you battle with your faith, and He loves you for your honesty and integrity in taking your faith so seriously.  Plenty of people just plod along to church without thinking whether they really believe what the church teaches - you are taking your faith seriously and that is a wonderful thing.


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## L_ouise

I realise this thread is kind of old, but i can really relate to your situation.

I am Catholic and feel betrayed by the official Catholic view on IVF and considered converting to CoE...

I came to the realisation that me being a catholic was between me and God and it wasn't for anyone to dictate the views of God upon me in His silence. If you are going to be damned for your actions, you will be damned regardless of which religious building you hide within.

I can assure you that my God would not damn someone with pure intentions, such as wanting a child.

I think it is a mistake to take CoE into your heart because you feel it has a convenient belief system. The protestants that i have met have been very strict with their faiths and if you asked them as individuals that they would take your sleeping out of marriage ad things much more seriously than any catholic i have met.


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