# Sally Donovan no matter what ....



## Rayofsunshine (Jul 28, 2013)

Hi ladies 
So Ive nearly finished reading this book and have actually found it quite upsetting! Its broken my adoption bubble and almost made me see the darker side of adoption. And made me even question is this still for me? 

Did anyone else feel this way? 

I do still want to adopt but I feel like this book has made me shy away even more from wanting to adopt an older child! And also how hard it would be to adopt a sibling group! 

Ray xx


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I found it a really good book. I think I'd read it after we'd done a lot of our prep training so the bubble was probably already burst although to be honest I'm not sure any of it was a great shock so not sure if I was in the bubble in the first place.
I think also although her story is not uncommon there are plenty of adopters out there that, yes, have problems but nothing like the extent of theirs. I think also bear in mind that this was a number of years ago and we're much more aware of these issues and hopefully can find the right support.
For be the overwhelming thing that it brought home to me was no natter how trying, how difficult things were, they were a family and they had joy from that as well as the hard times. I haven't  read her next book yet but I really want to.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi
I enjoyed the book but yes it does highlight how tough things can and will be at first.

A close relative of mine adopted siblings and can relate to a lot of things in the book, but is totally happy with her children and wouldn't change things at all. But her eldest doesn't have the extent of anger that Sally's son had. 
Me n DH saw first hand how hard it is from my relative but are still going for siblings, although yes younger than Sally's eldest.

One thing to bear in mind is how differently the boy and girl had been treated in their birth family, I don't think it was in their best interest to be placed together. He needed a single placement imho. 
When you choose siblings you do have to think about whether they are being placed together for the right reasons, or whether it's some romantic notion of keeping them together to all costs. Luckily for us we have the experiences of Sally (and for me my relative) to help us.

My families' two were definitely better together. But Sally's son I think would have been much better given a single placement.

It has been a while since I read it but that was my thought on it at the time.

I follow Sally on ******* (loosely, I'm not a ******* type really) and she is certainly very proud of her children. She doesn't seem at all unhappy to me, in fact quite the opposite. But she has written a blog about siblings and how they are sometimes being placed together for wrong reasons.

Adoption is / can be hard, I would imagine most would say it's harder than having birth children, but the rewards can really outweigh it. 
I read an article recently, here is the link,

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10021173/How-adoption-for-IVF-couples-could-lead-to-a-happier-life.html

that says adoptive parents are happier people because they are resilient and appreciate their families more.

I do sometimes wonder when the day will come that things are easier for us for a change and doubt this will be, but wouldn't change it.

Maybe I'll change my mind after LOs come home  hopefully not.

GG xxxx

/links


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

P.S. Ray 
Sally has a new book out, The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting (or something similar, I'm out n book is at home) 
I've started reading it and find it much more upbeat, especially a few pages or so in. 
What's clear is how much the children love their parents and obviously vice versa.


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