# Adoption Journey - Forces style, by L456 :O)



## L456 (Sep 2, 2008)

Well, where do I start.....  I have been thinking for a while to add mine and my DH journey as a diary (we are some way into the process now) and finally decided to take the plundge.  As a wife of a serving member of the armed forces (Royal Navy) I thought it might be interesting for others who are thinking of following the adoption route and attached to the armed forces and esepecially the senior service.  But the main thing I thought it would be theraputic for me and interesting to read back from time to time to see how I felt at a particular time.

So here goes - Our story so far..................

DH and I decided to ttc over 2 years ago, ever the pratical people that we were, we were concious of the fact that he was due to deploy twice in as many years and therefore had limited time to try! As well we felt we were not getting any younger and as he had an 'older' dad DH decided that he did not want to be one himself if he could help it.  So off we went at full gusto, checking dates etc but it did not happen.  Oh well we thought, keep going.  Then during an appointment with Dr about somthing else I decided to ask as to how long we would have to try before they would check to see if there was anything wrong.  She said a year and as it had been that and more she sent me for blood tests.  Previous tests for somthing else had already highlighted that all looked ok on the surface inside (small cyst - nothing to worry about) and the first blood tests came back ok.  DH was out at sea and when he came back he did his bit and it was not good, so possible ISCI was mentioned.  This got us thinking and so we started to look at all options available to us.  Further tests were better but the Dr still decided to refer us to a specalist.

This was around Oct/Nov last year, and it was very much a secret between us.  We did not tell anyone other a work colleague for me (needed to explain about time of for tests) and my best friend.  I started to ring agencies and first port of call was the LA.  I wanted to know basic questions, 1. Does it matter that DH is in the forces, 2. How long is the process  However I hit a brick wall before even i started.  They would not even speak with me until a year had passed after any treatment/tests had finished.  All I wanted was some answers but NO she would not budge.

So I did a google search and came across some VA, (at the time I did not realise that we could approach other LA close to us) I called one and the difference was instant.  They were more than happy to speak with me, and no it did not matter DH was in the forces.  Great releif for us!  and I was invited to an information evening.  DH could not go as he was away at sea (AGAIN) but that did not matter to them.  The evening was very informative and the SW and the care during and after the process seemed just right for us.  The main positive was that they had just placed some children with a serving Royal Navy personell.  That night I sent a huge email to Dh with all the infomation and he called me the next day and we chatted and chatted about the process.

We went round and round in circles asking and trying to answer the questions - Could we cope with the process? Would we be able to withstand the disecting of our lifes during the Home study? Would we be able to cope with the children (as a VA we would have to search for our match and generally they would be harder to place children)?  What would our families say? Would the Navy help? Could we afford me to have the time off?  And Ultimately - Do we want to be parents or do we want our baby?

None of those questions could we answer properly.  But we decided to accept the offer of an inital one to one meeting with the VA.

In tandum with this we were waiting on the clinic to send us an appointment and still looking into the process of ICSI.  Then the letters arrived and the reactions of both of us to each letter told a telling story (so to speak).  The letter from the clinic was met with an 'ok' and the letter from the VA was met with a 'great'.

That was it!  Decision made, one Important question answered.  We were desperate to be parents - the passion and urge to parent was greater than for a pregancy.  Neither of us liked the idea of intervention either so that was.  Adoption for us!


We now just had to fit everything round pre deployment sea trials, 7 month Deployment, more stints at sea, another sea trial and then another 8 month deployment!  

O what joy!!!!!!!


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Great to read you story  

Best of luck for the rest of your journey


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## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

Liking this L456.

I'm gunning for you  

mavis x


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## L456 (Sep 2, 2008)

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

I thought it was time for installment number 2 - although knowing what my memory is like I am sure this bit will be harder to write and maybe with bits missing    

So I shall start where I left off!

The letters came through and we cancelled the one at the hospital and confirmed the one at the VA.  We still decided not to let anyone know at this stage as we wanted to wait to see how the intial meeting went and as to whether they thought we were good candidates.  The day of the meeting was nerve racking, we were both on edge but in a good way. We finaly felt that we were progressing.  The VA had arranged the meeting whilst DH was on Christmas leave so we did not have to worry about him being called back to sea.

On our arrival we were met with warmth which made us feel welcome.  The actual meeting took well over 3 hours!  Quite a marathon session, before the meeting DH and I already decided to be honest with everything and I think that worked in our favour as it showed that we were open people. We discussed my depression and some health issues, discussed the life in the Navy and the problems that can cause and of course our issues with ifertilaty.  With us it was different as we do not know where the problem is (if any) and have decided not to find out, so we discussed our reasons behind that too.  At the end of the meeting we asked when they thought they would be able to let us know if we were the type of people that they would consider taking us on.  When we were told there and then that we were we could not keep the grins off of our faces!  We were elated - another tell tale sign that we were doing the right thing for us.

The next step was to start telling people.  We had a mixed reaction from family, my sister was over the moon, my parents did not really say anything and DH was very much "oh well you can still keep trying".  It is only about now that they have all realised that we are serious and that we wont be having a child of our own.  It has been harder for my parents as due to medical reasons my sister will not be able to have her own therefore it is up to my brother to provide the heir!  DH parents were blessed with their first grandchild early this year so for them it was not so much of a dissapointmenet.  However all of them have given us their support 100% and we could not be more greatful.  We are so concious how lucky we are in that respect.  Work colleagues were great and more importantly DH Divisional Officer and others were fantastic.  

Our main concern at the begining was how the it would all fit around the Navy. However once again we were extremely lucky in that when DH told the relevent people, he just got support back.  I will go into more detail in a later installment but they have allowed him leave when needed, rearragned things if required and in one case allowed his ship to leave mid delpoyment without him and allowed him to rejoin it a week later - all so he could make an appointment.  As my DH is a the sole maintainer of the Radar this was a big thing!  It just goes to show that where the Royal Navy as a whole can be s***t at times, the crew do really come through for one another from time to time!  (I know that not every ship is like DH and support can be thin on the ground)

So Christmas came and went and that was it - we could do no more.  Our 6 months wait from the end of investigations started and my DH deployment began.  We were left to read up on things and I was left to wait to see him again........

For those in the forces you are well aware how tough deployments are but I am always eternally greatful that my DH is in the Navy and is safe in his "little tin box" rather than fighting in theatre. 

Well my lunch break is now over so I must end here!

Next installment - the palaver of post deployment begins!
TTFN


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

L456 - lovely to read your story. I'm sure it will be an inspiration to a lot of other people in the services who are or have considered adopting. 

Good luck with the rest of your journey  

CG xx


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