# Adopter thinking of fostering



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi everyone

I never thought I could possibly consider being a forest carer. I used to deal with someone who fostered for more than 20 years and they used to tell me all the horror stories about birth families turning up and using threatening behaviour etc. And the main reason for me dismissing it outright was the thought of having to give the children back!!

When we adopted our first child 5 years ago, we had a wonderful foster family who helped us tremendously and we are forever greatful for their commitment to our child and in their support of us first time adopters.
We then adopted our 2nd child 2 years ago and had a different experience entirely.  We came away feeling that we could do a better job of preparing a child for the transition of adoption and in helping the new parents too.

A friend of mine is a foster carer. She just takes babies upto 18mths I believe, and she has them for respite care aswell as long term. 
Although I am the luckiest mum in the world having my two beauties, I am endlessly broody for another, and I believe that I possibly always will be.
For that reason, if it'd be possible for us to become foster parents for just babies, then Id get my baby fix, but also have the chance to bring on the babies and help them develop ready for wherever their next home will be.

My main question is about my 2 daughters. I believe that it will be more tricky for us to foster than natural parents. There could be all sorts of issues with us bringing social workers and new children in and out, and at what age is it appropriate to consider it for my girls?

Is fostering a big no-no for us adopters? Will this go in our favour or against us?

Can anyone advise please?

Many thanks x


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

Hi!  Didn't want to read and run - I think it would be best to talk to your social worker about what you have been thinking and see what they say.

Good luck 

Bee

xxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

well I am a foster carer and adopter 

there are different challenges for our little ones as social workers coming into the home can bring up feelings etc BUT there are ways of managing it 
C can spot a sw a mile away! He used to make them keep their shoes and coats on and he soon let them know when it was time to leave  
The positives are that C can understand why the children need to be looked after for a little while as he did, he also understands the concept of new mummy and daddy 

When you go through the assessment you will explore the age range that you feel is best for you to do  
at the moment I am only doing birth to 2yr children due to it being first placement after C's adoption last year. We felt he needed to be oldest child in the house and a little one wasn't going to make him feel his position in the family was threatened.

It is hard work and can be challenging at times but it is so worthwhile. 
I don't have contact in my home and take the child to the local contact centre. They try to make you do contact in your home sometimes and I personally don't feel that is a position that foster carers should be in.
Also with our adopted ones security is very important 

If you want to know anything then give me a yell 

I am now facing the prospect of having 5 yrs away from fostering and it is vey sad  ( very happy the reason why  )

x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ever

Fostering is something I am interested in and DH is prepared to go through another assessment but only when our children are a lot older, possibly even left home, due to the worry of SWs being in and out and the children coming and going.  Having thought a lot about it, I feel he is right (for our family) but we definately want to give some babies a better start in life than the one my DS had.

Speak to your SW and see what they say, you have nothing to lose 

Oooooohhhhhh Suzie.........whats going on with you  Sorry - just being nosey as it sounds exciting!

OT x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Ot we are being assessed to adopt W


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Ever this is something myself and my lovely hubby have also discussed and we were recently contacted by a fostering agency, we made an appointment for them to come out and talk to us but for personal reasons on behalf of the SW we had to cancel the appointment and on reflection we thought the timing was not quite right.  Our children are 17 and nearly 10 now....yikes where does the time go!!!!!  I think in another few years we will have the same discussion again and move forward onto fostering.

Suzie.....very exciting news.......sad that you will have to wait 5 years to foster again but happy/good reasons as to why the break from it   

Andrea
x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks girls for your thoughts. I will do some research and have long hard chats about it. I feel a little panicky about our girls still being so young, but I also know from my friend, that when your own children are still young enough to play with toys, and happy to have that extra bit of attention and company it might work out better than when thery're older and resentful and moody!!

Lots to consider and think about. Hubbie's right in him saying that if start the ball rolling this year, by the time we're approved and all set up for first placement, Babyroo will be at school. 

Suzie - Thank you for sharing your experiences... how exciting for you!!! Keep us posted xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Ohhhh Suzie!!!!!!!  How fab, I had hoped you would.

Shame about having to have a break from fostering but you'll have your hands full enough for a bit.

keep us posted.
OT x


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## Guest (Jun 19, 2010)

Its certainly not a definate no - we fostered then adopted and were asked if we would foster again, but said noe as I think three is enough!

Fab news Suzie - hope all goes smoothly.  

Bop


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Ever,

Have you thought of getting your "baby fix" via childminding? That's whatI I do, I love the babies I look after, then get to send them home and have my own back to myself.  

Fiona


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