# AI after IVF



## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Hi everyone! 
Newbie here and I want to ask for your advice. We are a lesbian couple wanting children, nothing unusual here and  this year we decided to go for it and made an appointment with a fertility clinic.  Although initially planning on IUI, I had a test done and the clinic wasn't sure about my tubes being clear or not and with higher chances with IVF we decided to do that instead. Unfortunately 3 months later I have 2 failed IVF, nothing seems to be wrong with me, I am young, good amh, good everything and the dr is sure I will get pregnant at some point but I feel lost. I was never ready for this, around me everyone seem to get pregnant in 2 seconds, older women with many fertility issues. I just find it so frustrating. 
Anyway, where I want to get to is, what if I try for AI? Like just buy some sperm from Cryos and do it at home? I know this is unusual and people get it done the other way around and I feel stupid for not trying at home first but can't go back in time now. Yesterday I had an ovulation test at home, from the time when we were thinking to do AI and seeing that I am ovulating just hit me. Did anyone tried that?
I don't know if I am not thinking right after all the shock of failed IVF, my dw completely dismissed the idea, I am still confused. Assuming I just had bad luck with IVF which seem to be the case I don't see why not try.
We have to pay for IVF as well and it's not easy at all plus I started to hate the idea of going back to the clinic. Having a few embryos frozen we will give them a chance but I don't trust this process anymore, 60% success rate, 14k spent and no baby is just killing me, at least trying at home and not get pregnant will be less disappointing. I know that sounds wrong, in the end all we want is a baby but I just feel I need a break from the whole IVF thing but not stopping trying for a baby. 
Any piece of advice will be highly appreciated.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Hi

My story's slightly different in that I was told I'd never conceive and if did was going to be via ivf.
However I had treatment and when I was told my tubes were clear l decided to not go the ivf right; the packages for ivf were certainly cheaper than what you have paid, but logic dictated that I got more sperm and cycles than one attempt with ivf though I recognised the supposed better stats. 

In your shoes and not knowing your age, I'd consider finding out for certain whether your tubes are blocked or not. Did you have a hycosy/thingy? Perhaps pay for that  - looooong wait on NHS. Then you'll know for certain if  there is any value for trying hi. Then you're in a better well informed position. 

Not sure if that helps? 

Fwiw if they're clear and no obvious issues, hi CAN work! Are you on the cryos thread? I think it's primarily singlies but an sure reading it and saying hi will answer lots of your questions!


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Thank you for replying! I realised I left some details behind, we live in Ireland and here you have to pay for everything in terms of IVF, IUI. Second, I am 30 so somehow in the middle, not yet late but not very early either. I realise now I made some bad choices and I regret them but we were so eager to get the ball rolling, lol. 
I had HSG to start with but was unconclusive, the dr suggested lap at that stage but in the same time giving us the option to go straight to IVF and bypass the tubes in case there were issues. I thought, lap is invasive, IVF has better success rates than IUI why not just do that instead of paying for a lap, the cost of it is nearly the cost of an IVF cycle. Stupidly I thought IVF will work, after the first failure instead of reconsider the options we started another one straight away, now I know I wasn't ready and now even the thought of going back to the clinic gives me shivers.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

I would go back to basics then! Hycosy/tubal patency is cheaper than a lap (England anyway). Have fsh, lh, amh blood tests. Antral follicle count. Obviously this is assuming you haven't already. 

This lets you know the state of play. 

Do you know what your lining measured before transfer?

How many embryo did you get and transfer? Grade? Did you use same ds?


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Probably I didn't made myself understood, I had extensive blood work done before starting IVF including hormone profile, amh, thyroid, etc and everything was perfect/normal for my age, amh 21 and I had a HSG that stands for hysterosalpingogram, exactly for checking uterine cavity and tubes, they said it was technically difficult and couldn't visualise dye going half way through recommending a lap for a more accurate conclusion, didn't mention hydrosalpinx and my uterine cavity was good. My lining was always good before transfer, over 12 mm and had good quality embryos, ok first transfer was day 3 but second was a blastocyst. There is no reason just yet as to why it failed, it could be just me being in the 40% of bad luck. I will have immune tets and implantation window and maybe a lap at some point but now I am having a break from clinic as all this was and still is heartbreaking. I guess for me the idea of doing ai while giving myself a break from IVF was just to say I am doing something and maybe, maybe a miracle can happen, straight couples are doing it all the time. Now I think is silly, I am not thinking clear anymore after all this, I was thinking if others tried it or even think of it. 
Anyhow, will stick with IVF and stop dreaming unicorns.


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## Pinkchick (Apr 2, 2015)

Hi I didn't want to read and run! We are also a same sex couple and had a long and difficult journey to get our baby. I can see where your coming from about wanting to give the whole clinic thing a break, I went through that feeling loads-it's such a difficult emotional roller coaster. Your right when you say that ivf is more successfull but that doesn't mean you can't be lucky with donor sperm. A couple of our friends had 2 fresh and one frozen cycle of Ivf with no success. They  Took a 6 month break then tried with a donor and they are due 2nd  January so it can happen.  You know that you could give that a try and if not successful you have the option of going back down the clinic route for your wee frozen embies. Maybe you could have a chat about all your options with your DW and take it from there. Just to say I read somewhere recently that the average tries for a successful cycle of ivf is 3, and this is why on the nhs they quite often give 3 cycles-so maybe could be 3rd time lucky. Best of luck to you x


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

Hi we are a same sex couple who conceived after egg Sharing ivf we also did inter partner. If I was u I would continue with the ivf but not all ivf everywhere is the same . The quality of the lab is what makes the difference and there seems no reason why you should not be a perfect candidate. I know someone from Ireland who used our clinic, maybe that's an option? All three couples that I have sent their way that out my real friends in the outside world are now pregnant xxxx


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

Hi we are a same sex couple who conceived after egg Sharing ivf we also did inter partner. If I was u I would continue with the ivf but not all ivf everywhere is the same . The quality of the lab is what makes the difference and there seems no reason why you should not be a perfect candidate. I know someone from Ireland who used our clinic, maybe that's an option? All three couples that I have sent their way that out my real friends in the outside world are now pregnant xxxx


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Hi pinkchick, it's great to know that there are couples that tried that and were successful. I know that most of couples can go through 3 cycles before conceiving but my god, is so hard to cope with failure. We kinda have a plan now, we decided to go for a fet in early spring and have endometrial scratch, it's so funny (not) how although scary and disappointing this process is you still want to go for more. At least the fet is more gentle and I wont go through egg collection. I think I will want to have a laparoscopy before trying for AI so I'll ask to be referred for one if the fet doesn't work.

KDJay, we are using one of the best clinics in Ireland, I know that they might not be the best when compared with other clinics from abroad but with both working full time here we thought it will be easier to stay local. My dw is actually english and moved here for me, probably we would have been better off the other way around   anyway, one thing I know is that I won't go for another full cycle with same clinic but we'll use the frosties we have already.


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## kabuk1 (Aug 18, 2016)

Welcome Aley. Sorry to hear that things haven't gone well so far. We opted for home insemination over IVF and a big part of that was not wanting to deal with a clinic. My bf's wife took 4 tries to get their twins. The 1st didin't take, the 2nd was a mc, the 3rd didn't take (those were on the NHS) and then the 4th, the one they paid for took and they have 2 beautiful girls who are now 6 months. This was also after 3 failed IUIs, which was a requirement before they could get NHS funding. It was was rough on them and they did step away for a couple of month after the mc, but they stuck with it and got their precious bundles. 

If you want to try home insemination, then you should. Of course, knowing whether your tubes are clear or not for certain would give you more confidence, but it may still be worth trying. I would suggest that you start tracking your basel body temp  if you do decided to try AI, or even if you're thinking about it. It'll give you a clearer picture of when you ovulate to time your inseminations as frozen sperm, at best, lives for 24 hrs. We've had success with home insemination with Cryos, as have many others, so it does work. 

However, if you still have some frozen embryos, maybe a break is what you need. Even though AI keeps you trying, it can still be heartbreaking to get those bfns. That will take its toll. You could track, like I mentioned early, just in case you want to, but a complete break can go a long way, and you may find that even after just 2 months of down time that you might find yourself in a better place to try again.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.


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## Franny80 (Apr 10, 2016)

Hi Aley,

I did IVF as I had irregular periods/ PCOS and suspected blocked tubes as during a laparaoscopy they couldn't get past my bowel to look at my tubes because of adhesions. They presumed they were blocked and I moved straight to IVF and had one failed fresh cycle of IVF and two failed frozen transfers. Like you we had run out of funding and it was all really devastating. The huge cost of paying for IVF was so daunting and the past year had really taken it's toll on us emotionally. We had a good 4months off while we looked at our options and also paused to buy a flat. We ended up basically starting back at the beginning. After looking on sites like this I heard about Metformin for PCOS and got my GP to prescribe it for me. I then had an HSG to check my tubes. It took a while for the dye to go through, but it did eventually. I ovulated four days later and got pregnant. Unfortunately I lost the baby due to Turners but it looks like it is one of those things and won't necessarily happen again.

I think mentally there's the thought that once you are on the IVF path you're on it until you get pregnant - but it's not always  the case. We're back doing cycle monitoring. I think sometimes doctors put people onto IVF as a fix-all solution and not really understanding the psycological and financial pressures it adds to the situation. At 30 I think you're young enough to experiment with some rounds of IUI (my clomid consultant told me I was young at 34!). Especially if your HSG is inconclusive. Apparently sometimes the tubes can spasm shut during the procedure which makes them look blocked or partially blocked. It's definitely worth getting a second opinion on that 

X


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Thank you so much for your support and advices, girls. It really makes a difference knowing I am not the only one thinking like this. 
Franny, you're right, there seems to be this idea that if IVF doesn't work then nothing will. For me is hard to know that I went to a fertility clinic being fertile and hoping for children just to think a few months later that I am actually infertile and will never have what I want the most. 
I don't know if I mentioned that I had my review appointment, again the dr think is nothing and dismissed my thoughts of having a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy to check for possible problems, my uterus is great and there is no sign of hydro is all I hear, there was no suggestions to do anything at all but just to keep trying. 
I will go with a frozen transfer, I just feel I have to, I will only transfer one and keep the rest while I inform myself more about other possibilities and arrange for a lap.. My cycles are a bit messed up after so much treatment anyway.


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## kabuk1 (Aug 18, 2016)

Good luck Aley. Hope this one sticks for you!


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