# thoughts and views really appreciated



## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

hi All
i feel like i've a dilemma and need some help.  we had FET with a BFN 9th may. it was with donor eggs, unfortunately out of the 7 we started with 3 perished so we no only have 2 frosties. we've not had our follow up so waiting to hear what the hospital thinks our options are, though realistically i know we've hardly any.

i seem to have a definite implantation prob. however because of my age 43 in 2weeks we haven't got time (nor frosties) to keep trying different regimes.  the only options i can think of is spain for donor (but worry is there any point if they can't rectify implantation prob) adoption(but because of the long process we'll be rapidly heading for 45 so the chance of a little one is slim here in uk) adoption abroad (dp not keen) or surrogacy.  

we did think of my younger sister who has already donated eggs, but she's not had any children herself yet nor a pregnancy so wouldn't be fair.

this leaves us with surrogacy with non family member.  i have been on the cots and other site and had a look.  just wonder what are other IP experiences about the process, and how long does it roughly take before matching with a surrogate mum.  is it as long as the adoption process??.  of surrogate mums.......does it take long to decide on a couple to work with as such??.  this side of IF is extremely new to me and feel like a fish out of water, so would very much appreciate any info.  waiting to hear from you all. thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi Collymags

I am a SM and it didn't take me long to pick my couples.  The couple I am with now I met at my first get together with SUK and we got on really well though it took m a little while to get the nerve together to ask them if they wanted me - lol

Matching can happen quite quickly for some people but not so quick for others.

Would you be looking at host or straight surrogacy ??

I am sure some more peop,l will be along soon to help with your questions.

T xx


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## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

Thanks Tashja
for your reply, would initially like to try with our frosties, but if they perish we are in a pickle as with top whack treatment i only produced 2 eggs even though they went on to be lovely embryo's but just wouldn't stick.  so having the option of using the SM's egg would be fabulous. this method sounds like it'd be the best option for us but feel like i would like to hear more views before we go back for our follow up appt.  thank you lass. Xx


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

No problems Colly

I am sure some more IPs and Surros will be along soon to answer your questions !! 

T xx


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi, 
My first thought is are you married?
You have to be married to obtain a Parental Order making the child legally yours in a surrogacy arrangement
if you aren't married, you will have to get married regardless of whether you do straight or host surrogacy.
I don't think your' age is too much of a problem, plenty of people do surrogacy in their 40's.
As regards which organisation to join, the choice is yours.
We were members of both initally, but left COTS after about a year.
COTS is by far the bigger organisation, but SUK has a friendship first policy and holds regular get togethers were you can meet other IP's and of course surrogates, and get to know them.
They also have a very active message board.
We met our surrogate at an SUK Get Together last year.  We had been members over 2 years.  Others will meet their surrogate within weeks of joining.  There is no waiting list, so it really is a matter of joining in as much as possible.
By the time we left COTs we had been matched with a surrogate, but it didn't work out.
I can't really say how long you would be waiting with COTS as obviously they work quite differently to SUK.
Good Luck with whatever you decide.
EJJB
  x


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## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

Ejjb, thanks for that, interesting stuff about the marriage side of things, as no we're not.  have you actually started treatment or are you still in the meet stage x


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