# new-ish ~



## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hi,
I joined earlier this week and didn't start with this board.  i asked a couple of questions and was pleased to get thorough replies from some very nice people.  
DH and I have been ttc for 10months and I dread coming up to the year mark, as all those stats are so many conceive in 6 months, so many in a year, etc and as the chances don't increase the longer you're ttc I dread that time coming up.  Sorry, this probably sounds really lame as so many of you on this site have been ttc for such a long time and undergone all sorts of tx and i admire the courage and generosity you all have in being so supportive of others.  It also makes me feel a little bit lame as I've been trying less than a year and already get teary and over-emotional the day after my af.  i guess i just never expected it not to happen, after so many years either on the pill or (in the last few years) using condoms.  if i'd come across the fertility awareness method a few years ago i'd have saved a fortune in condoms.  i've learnt so much, since we started this process, but somehow its not liberating, its dis-heartening.  even this site feels slightly disheartening, as there are so many of you out there who are unable to conceive for a variety of reasons.  how do you stay so hopeful?  as i said i get over-emotional with my af, and my last cycle was only 23 days and am now on day 3, so feeling a little blue.
i hated my 35th birthday too, i never thought i would be 35 without children.  i guess i found my "true love" later than i expected and so my life plan never really worked out.  i feel that i was very naive when i started out on ttc.  
Wishing everyone well and luck in their own plans.
xx


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## **Lisa** (Jun 7, 2007)

Hi  i am new too, but try and think positive. I know i should talk as today i feel really sad, but treatment is still available never say never.  It any over until the fab baby singing or in our case "cries".

Chin up hun and think postive.


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi spacedust and welcome to the site 

Sorry to hear of the problems you have been having make a baby but you have come to a fantastic site full of advice and support.

Dont feel lame at all - we all feel the same on this site no matter how long we have been trying for a baby. Me and my hubby have been trying for 4 years plus now and trust me that it does get easier at times - finding this site made my life so much better having others to talk too in the same situation. Yes each month when my AF comes i do get upset but i just keep believing that it will happen one day as it will for u.

Glad to see you have found your way around the boards already 

We also have a great chatroom (check the index for themed chats). It is often good to talk to people who understand what you are going through. Every Friday Night from 8pm to 9pm is NEWBIE NIGHT Miss TC, Dizzi squirrel or I will be in there to help you use the chatroom, answer any questions, etc. If you can't make it on Friday night, just send one of us a personal message and we will meet you in there at a prearranged time for a short "one2one" session to show you the ropes.

For more info on Newbie Night follow the link...http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=85409.0

Good luck with everything

Kate xx​


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## snoopygirl79 (Jun 7, 2007)

Hi Spacedust,

I'm also new here and am in a similar situation to you as we've only been trying for 9 months but I get so annoyed and upset each month when AF starts. I really wanted to TTC a lot earlier than we did, but DH wanted to wait until we were settled into our new house and area. We both thought I'd get pregnant straightaway as we had no reason to think I wouldn't!! I wanted to start when we were on holiday last year but was worried that I wouldn't be able to go to my brother's wedding if I had a newborn so agreed to delay it to allow for that - his wedding is next weekend so am completely gutted that I'm not even pregnant yet!!

Have you had any tests done yet? I had some blood tests done - I was worried about going to the doctors about it as I was told that they normally don't do anything until you've been TTC for a year. But I went to see my doctor and burst into tears when I started talking about the problems we've been having and she did some tests there and then as I was lucky to be on CD4 which is ideal to have preliminary blood tests done. I didn't mean to go in there and cry but I get so emotional just after AF shows and she made me feel a bit better about it all.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Thank you for your messages. 
My last dr apt made me cry too, which i felt really stupid about.  i was on day 2 and i was determined to get a referral.  but as i sat in the waiting room 2 heavily pg women sat next to me and started chatting about the impending births.  Then the nurse came out, who must have been expecting 3 people, so she started talking to me as if i was pg too.  it completely threw me.  by the time i'd told them that wasn't who i was and got into the dr, i was off balance and then the dr said i should take iron tablets - i'm not aneamic, but my iron is at the lowest point it could be without being aneamic.  i asked him if that would help and he said he didn't know but it might do and told me to have another blood test in 2 months.  i didn't even ask for a referral as i felt upset.  i was meant to go to work but diverted and went home first  (for a quiet cry and pull myself together).  by the time i got to work an ex-colleague brought her baby in and that's it, i lost it - sat outside to pull myself together again, but it didn't work, so went home.  i wasn't just upset, i was frustrated with myself for not asking for that referral.  although i know he's probably putting me off as maybe he can't refer me yet, i felt fobbed off, which is unfair as he's a nice dr really.  
sorry, this is a bit of a let-off-steam moment.  
i'm sorry the wedding came round without any + results, we kind of thought about what time of year we wanted to have a baby in - feels pretty daft now! 
what does cd4 mean?
thanks again! x


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## snoopygirl79 (Jun 7, 2007)

I know exactly what you mean about the doctor situation. I went to see one a month before and was determined to ask whether we could start doing tests to see if there is something wrong with me as at that point I was on CD40 (CD is cycle day, CD1 is day 1 of AF - hope that makes sense!) with no BFP but I was just fobbed off saying that it's quite normal to have long cycles sometimes - something I'm not too convinced of!! Mine can be anywhere between 30 and 40 days which is very frustrating when I'm trying to work out when I should be ovulating!! I came out of that appointment completely deflated. I then went to another doctor the next month just after AF started and that's when I broke down and she could obviously see how upset I was and then did the blood tests.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with it all. I've been finding it a relief to know that I'm not the only one going through it but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. DH is very supportive but I know he finds it very difficult to know what to say when I get AF month after month. I also know how desperate he is for a baby too and I feel like such a let down - he keeps telling me not to feel like that as there might not be something wrong at all, or something might be wrong with him. I guess we'll have to wait for the blood test results as a first step.

When do you go back for another blood test - is the 2 months almost up? I felt a bit better having got the first one done as it meant that something was actually being done but I know it's only a small step.

Take care


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hello Snoopygirl,
Thanks for your message.  I'm sorry you are feeling so emotional about it - I do too and perhaps our hormones are amplifying how we feel.
Please don't feel like you are letting anyone down.  I'm sure your dh wouldn't want you to feel that way.  my dh never knows what to say either, and although we are very close i don't cry in front of him and perhaps don't tell him how i sad i really feel at af time either.  even if there is nothing wrong to be found, you still can't feel responsible for something which is somehow out of your control.  
I am not due to take my next blood tests until the week of 25 June and so i won't be back to my dr until the week after that.  but after getting some messages from this site, i do feel slightly more prepared/armed with info and ready to ask some firm questions - i will have to avoid dr apts in certain weeks to help myself stay strong!
Take care, x


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## maj79 (Jun 4, 2007)

Hi Snoopygirl79 & Spacedust

I am in the same situation as both of u, but was lucky enough for my gp to refer me straight away. I was refered last Nov had blood tests, hsg and my dp had sperm test, and i was on treatment by March. This site has been fantastic help as I feel didn't get a lot of answers or explanitions on tx by cons, and for he 3 days i have been coming on here have chilled so much, as i have answers for he way i am feeling. Good luck to u both 

Emma xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF

spacedust


> even this site feels slightly disheartening



I'm Sorry  
Some days are definatly harder than others when talking or thinking about fertility,
and seeing how many people are affected is definatly 
BUT we all try and remain positive and we see FF buddies get their longed for  and we rejoice with them for we understand the road they travelled and that is HEARTWARMING      

It took me 8 months of being a member to turn on avatars (the baby stuff) everything was so raw, 
What I found here on FF was a community of people with knowledge & experience and a complete understanding of how I was feeling and the I was able at last to recognise those feelings as being "normal"

When booking your next GP apointment ask if it can be early in the morning (during the school run is a good time 
and not on an antenatal clinic day!
I am 35 too and have been ttc all my fertile years! I'm not giving up in fact I am more in cnotrol of my tx now than ever before - all thanks to FF!

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, 
I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

G&B - Community board
CLICK HERE

Starting out & Diagnosis
CLICK HERE

Meanings
CLICK HERE

FERTILITY INFO GUIDES
CLICK HERE

You can also obtain a free fertility guidebook from them which contains some really useful info re IUI, IVF and other treatments...may come in handy whilst you're having to make a decision.

CLICK HERE
Here's the link the HFEA website...

CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for your home town & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hello and welcome to FF,

I went to my Dr's after about 2-3 years of ttc I was fobbed off and told to take iron tablets, it makes me mad looking back, I should not accepted that and asked to of been referred and maybe by now I would of had a baby but I cant think "what if" all the time. I think that the Dr (even though she was lovely) decided that I was too young at the time and that was why she did not refer me, after that initial appointment it took me another 3 years to go back to the Dr's because I felt they were judging me, at the very beginning I was more worried that I had something wrong with my insides than infertility especially as I had a history of mysterious tummy aches that would put me in hospital! Looking back at my experience I would like to say that I wish I had not wasted precious years worrying about what other people thought and not accepted no for an answer, I wish I had found FF years ago so I could get all the info possible to take to my Dr's, maybe seeing another Dr may help? I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey hun and we are always here if you need to chat    xxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Just thought I would post to see how your getting on ?

Hope your Ok 

~Dizzi~


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Dizzi,
Hi, thanks for your post.  Another month, another bfn.  i meant to be really positive and chilled this month, but it never works!   went back to the dr (new one as the old one has left) and asked for the hormone blood tests.  he would only send me for the early in the month one which i did on day 4, but he wouldn't do the one for later in the month as he said he would only mean i had ovulated that month, not on others.  he did say he would look at referrals after this test.  i managed not to book the same day as the pre-natal checks and stayed positive for that, but the next day at the parents group i run they were all talking about how wonderful it was to be parents and i cried all the way home.  oh well, i know its early days and hopefully will feel better once i get referred.
still checking the site and finding out all sorts of useful info though!
Spacedust


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Oh hun - life is so difficult at times 

Lets hope your GP keeps his word and that your blood results come back good 
keep reading and posting here if you cant find something ask!

Take care 


~Dizzi~


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## levin (Jan 9, 2006)

Hiya Spacedust,

Just wanted to say a big   and send you some big hugs cos you sound like you need them  . I know it can seem slightly disheartening reading things on this site because a lot of people are still having problems, but at the same time there are so many people who have overcome their problems and now have beautiful babies as a result - that gives me loads of hope. Everyone on here is so supportive too. Ive just had my first go at ICSI and unfortunately got a negative a couple of weeks ago - without the support people have given me on here i know i wouldnt have been able to cope - this site has been a godsend to me and i hope it can be for you too.
Also totally know what you mean about going to the docs and coming across loads of pregnant women. When i first started having infertility investigations at the local hospital they sat me in a waiting room with loads of pregnant women - most of them only about 16 years old - you'd think they'd have seperate waiting areas for people having infertility investigations and those having pregnancy scans, but i guess thats our lovely, caring NHS system. Needless to say i came out of there distraught.
I just want to wish you loads of good luck for the future and really hope that you get a lovely bfp soon. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

Love Leanne x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi spacedust, welcom to Fertility Friends. 

The others have said it already but oyu are not lame at all. The frustration of not getting pregnant month in month out is not easy at any point. I would not wish years if trying on anyone - perhaps, I  might say, so some of us the years don't pass so badly as, if you know you have no chance naturally, you're not waiting for the other shoe to drop each month, if you know what I mean.

I undeestand what you mean when you say it is disheartening to see so many people in the same boat as you, however I am sure you will find that the support you get here is just wonderful. When I was at my lowest points, I used to look at people here who had triumphed in the face of adversity and think to myself "if they can do it so can I".

Here's hoping you make a baby before you reach that 12 month milestone but we will be here to support you wherever your journey takes you. 

C~x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hi Spacedust, 

You were so kind to reply to my post i finally found yours, so thought i would say hello!  
I can't believe how similar our situations are and all your thoughts and feelings are just like mine. YOU ARE NOT ALONE   Don't feel bad for being upset, trust me I'm exactly the same.

Have you got your results yet? What does a day 4 test show? I'm so confused about my day 21 test i really don't know what they're going to test for.

I know I'm 3 years younger than you but i broke down on my 30th for the same reason you broke down on your 35th. I didn't meet the love of my life too late though - the love of my life just took forever to propose! I'm not against anyone having children before marriage it's just DH kept hinting the proposal was imminent so we held off the TTC until we were Mr and Mrs.

Also don't feel stupid for planning what time of year to have your baby, me and DH started off saying we didn't want a Virgo baby (I'm a Virgo and we're WAAAAYYY too emotional) and we didn't want a Christmas baby (Poor Father Christmas having to carry all those extra presents  ) but when it came to it we realised we couldn't really be that fussy.

Are you official at that year mark yet - i know it stinks! It feels like officially there is something wrong with you. Hopefully in both our cases it won't be the case and it'll just be the lack of iron or the fact we are just trying too damn hard! Are you Veggie? I am, but until i get told the only way to have a baby is to eat meat, i won't do it. However the stage I'm at I'd eat a whole cow if i thought it would do any good  

Well i best go as i have to pick DH up from work in a mo.
Take care and we'll catch up again soon.

My post or yours  

Love,
Kittenmum


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Spacedust,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.  Sorry to hear of your troubles ttc.

Emma
x x x x


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hello everyone, thanks for your messages - thank you Kittenmum, it really does help to know that I'm not just daft and that others feel the same way.
I'm still not sure what my day 4 blood test was for, i went back to the doctors earlier this week and she said all my bloods were fine.  She has referred me to a specialist and on the new phone and book system i've booked myself into the Herts and Essex Community Hospital for the end of this month as it was the soonest date available.  I hope this will be the right place for me to go.  The latest dr i saw this time has a background in gynaecology and was quite positive and said they would probably do the dye test to see if my tubes are blocked, but i guess i will have to wait for the specialist to decide.  
I must admit, being referred made me feel a bit more positive, although  my 1 year mark is 11 August, and i'm not looking forward to that.  hopefully dh and i will be away for the weekend and can take our minds off it.  
I'm not a veggie, but tend to eat half veggie half meat diet.  the iron tablets have had a small impact, although after my bfn this month i came off all my vitamins and ate lots of rubbish and coffee.  Am now motivating myself to get back on it all again and take some regular exercise.
Sorry you're so stressed about it all.  they say you shouldn't stress but i find it hard not to.  i stress about getting pregnant, about work and about all the family crises which seem to crop up around us continually.  i have picked up a meditation tape which i find really helps me to relax and i try and have a massage every second month to work out the effects of stress on my back and shoulders.  i hope the reflexology works for you, its meant to be good at helping your body.
Anyway, thanks again for your message!  I don't get to this every day, but will look out for you on the message board.  keep in touch.
Best of wishes ...  Spacedust x


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## tracy6 (Jul 23, 2007)

hi just wanted to say welcome and sorry to hear of your trouble ttc, dont worry about getting emotional i think we all do


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## ♥keepinghope♥ (Nov 28, 2006)

hello spacedust
                    welcome to the site. im not going to lie and say the treatments are easy and tear free, but if the will to have a baby is strong enough it is enough to get you through. friends are good to talk to at home, but they dont really undersatnd, on here there is always someone the same or much worse and everyone pulls together as one.. good luck on your journey xxxx


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hello Spacedust,

How are you?

Love,
Kittenmum


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hi kittenmum, having blue few days, posted a new topic on peer support called "lost hope" earlier, basically feel like its never going to happen.  but maybe its just getting past the 1 yr of ttc.  not sure,  just know have cried a lot this weekend - all on my own.  have day off today and trying to throw myself into long list of jobs.  but another colleague is pg and i'm working with her a lot this week and i don't know how to be supportive if she starts to complain about morning sickness or something.  can't wait to have morning sickness and can't stand it when others complain about being pg, does that sound bitter?  sorry, on downer, it will probably just be a phase.
have replied to your post.  well done with your blood tests and for staying positive - good for you! x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Oh Spacedust, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down and have lost hope.  

It must be so hard with a colleague who's pg. I know exactly what you mean about people complaining about morning sickness. At least it means WHEN we do get pg we'll put up with all that sort of thing a lot better as we'll just be grateful to be pg. I know i always warned everyone i would be terrible when i do get pg as I'm a right winger normally, i go out for all the sympathy i can get, however now i know i will just be so happy to get morning sickness - i won't complain at all. 

It is really hard reaching that year mark, but it does get easier (not easy but easier). Just think you are doing all the right things, all you really have to do is wait. Which is the hardest part of all. I could be a lot more patient if i knew when it was going to happen, but as we don't have crystal balls, we just have to play the waiting and hoping game.

It will happen for you - i know that because everyone who's listened to my tale of woe has got pg, so it's got to be you next! 

Well -------p0pr5r5 (kittens typed that) i was trying to put 'well best go as the kittens are climbing all over the keyboard' and also i have to get back to work (you're doing the right thing having a day off!)

Chat with you again soon. Hope I've helped. I'll check out the other post tonight.

Love Kittenmum


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