# Single adopters



## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Hi any single adopters out there I'm just about to start my journey again and would love some company of like minded mums ? I already have a little boy aged 5 xx


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Maisie - I'm a single adopter about to start introductions in 2 weeks time!


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Hey. Im single to birth child who is 7. And recently placed child who is 1.


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi, Im a single adopter with a recently placed son aged 1yr. Will be nice to chat with others in a similar situation. Best of luck to those just starting out- the process is hard at times but soooo worth it  
Kiz  x


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Hi there - I thought I'd posted on here before, but my post obviously hasn't made it!

I'm a single adopter about to start intros on the 31st of October for a 17 month old pink.  Looking forward to sharing ideas along the journey!

SummerTilly


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## Starmaker73 (Jun 28, 2013)

Hey ladies, can I join too?  I'm a single adopter who is currently going through HS.  I'm having issues because my SW said I have gone through everything so quickly that she now wants to take a break before putting me to panel in Feb/March 2014.  No clue what i'm supposed to do in this 'break'. 

It's really hard sometimes going through this on your own, so it will be lovely to have some like minded ladies to talk to that know what I'm going through.


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## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Hi
Not logged on for a while and looking for moral support - do any of you single adopters have boyfriends - I am dating which now in hindsight was a crazy idea as now we like each other but I want to progress adopting now - its too much pressure for us as a couple its only been a short time - I guess I need to give him up if I am to carry on the adoption path right?  Also not sure he's really up for this right now - so I may have to choose anyway - nightmare :-( - would be lovely to meet up with some of you - I am in Bucks.
Maisie
x


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Maisie - I empathise with you as when you're adopting as a singleton SS want it to be an "all or nothing" experience. 

And fair enough in one way, because the reality is that in new relationships, you don't really know the person, their reactions, background etc etc

Certainly, you can get a pretty good idea and have a 'gut instinct' about them, however, I was told that if I started a new relationship they would want me to wait 2 years before proceeding with adoption. 

You're right in that it's a lot of strain on a new relationship to be in the adoption process.  My experience was that I missed a lot of my fertile years being with what turned out to be the 'wrong' person for me and so I have stood firm that I want to be a mother more than I want to have a relationship.  I am not closing the door on future romance and love, but for now, my focus and love is all about creating my forever family and fulfilling my desire to be a mummy. 

It's a different kind of relationship, but one that is a priority for me at the moment.  

Good luck with whatever you decide to do  - only you can decide.  Have you talked about the adoption with him?  Or about him wanting children in the future?  Another factor will be your age and any fertility issues that you may have.  

Thinking of you xx


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## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Hi
He's pretty clear he doesn't want more children but would be happy to take my son on in due course and I am hoping that he might be happy for me to go through my adoption journey just supporting me in the background and then when the time is right move in with us all but they would always be more my responsibility than his if that makes sense - just like if they were both my natural children - I'm not sure its that crazy an idea it just means that he can gradually get involved as he is able - we are still at the early stages of our relationship so who knows where it will take us but I am very ready now to adopt (I nearly got to panel 18 months ago but then got cold feet - really because I wasn't sure friends and family would support me - however now I am much more confident of my own opinions and the support I could get)
He could of course decide not to hang around - that could well be his answer we have yet to discuss it further after our initial discussion last week - its only been about 8 weeks for us so he may think you know what there are easier options I wouldn't blame him but equally its too early for me to give up my dreams for a man I don't really know or for any man really - it would just stop me being me and that would be no good either.
Anyway stopping to read more about your Summer Tilly - enough of this Me, me, me  
xxx


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## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Actually far more interested (that says alot doesn't it) about how all of your journey's have been - there are some real single adopters on this thread - wow you've made it - hows it going - have you bonded - is it really so very very hard - is it hopefully like normal parenting to a degree - some incredibly hard times but then some amazingly good ones that make you forget the tough bits.  I have had my fair degree of challenges with my birth son and had a real journey into my own parenting style which I have had to address - however much you fight it your own parents style will emerge at times!! 
Would love to hear your stories - which Local Authorities are you with?
Maisie
xxx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi everyone. How is everyone getting on.
Maisie - it is difficult for me to compare adoptive parenting with that of having a birth child having not experienced that - but i really could not imagine life without lil C now - he is simply fab and I love him to bits so no probs bonding. It is hard work, but i think all parenting is (and in fact it is a little easier as a lone parent in some ways as can fully focus on the child and no probs with arguments over who should be doing what - as so many of the married/coupled people I met through prep group have found).
Is everyone all set for Christmas?
Love kiz.  xx


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