# Settling lo into nursery



## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi guys


Today was day two of lo doing his settling in day at nursery, he was only there two hours but when I collected him he was crying and was told he was crying in and off most of the two hours. I made hi a tin with a few fav things in and our pics and I was  told he carried my photo around with him for the two hours and kept asking for daddy   . I know it's only day two but tomorrow he is meant to be there 6 hours    I am really worried he is going to get so upset. I have told them to call me is he does but do you think it's to soon? He is 21 months old, I am due back to work next month and wanted to settle him in before I go back. It's only two mornings a week, as the rest of the time my mum will be having him. I am very tearful as feel like I am letting him down as I can't be with him.
Any advise would be grateful


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Macgyver, that sounds hard x

Maybe you could try to introduce him more gradually, six hours from two is a big jump especially as he's not settling...
He probably will be fine eventually, most children are but it's so emotionally hard for him and you whilst he's struggling.
Is there any possibility of you staying with him for a session, close enough so he knows you're there and then maybe he will become more confident  

As you have to go back work worrying about it being 'too soon' will just cause you more stress, would your mum be able to continue settling him in if you have to return before he's settled?!

Hope it works out and someone one else comes along with better advice!! X


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Mac,

My LO was extremely difficult to settle at nursery or indeed being away from me. I knew this though and we worked with the nursery and had 8 weeks of me doing stay n play sessions. Even after this I still couldn't get out the room without him breaking down. Due to illness & circumstances, DH actually took LO on the days he was to start bring left for 10mins then 20 then an hour. He was just outside the room so could go back in if need be. He gradually got there. Whilst I was staying in the stay n play they had another LO who was starting the nursery and followed their normal regime (they'd listened to me and allowed us a long settling period), anyway this little boy cried the whole hour he was there, then did the same next time I was in. By the third day he only cried for first 10mins and the staff were great in trying to reassure him and kept him close (this was a BC). 

From this I realised that all children are different and my friends LO cried/moaned every morning when he got to nursery and had been going since he was 8mths. He's only stopped this in the last 6mths as my little boy is in right before him and they're best buds.

I would ask the nursery to extend the settling period and slow down how longs he's left or without you. You need to feel comfortable & see him settling/enjoying himself to help you. He may still cry when dropping off for about the first 6wks (it takes most kids about 6wks to adjust to nursery/being left), but I made sure the nursery would tell me/call if he cried for longer than this. I stayed outside the room for the first few alone sessions to make sure and look through the window to see he was actually playing. For the first 6weeks, LO could be quite rejecting of me after I picked him up. But I stayed consistent and gave him 100% attention when I picked him up and we have our afternoons together and he's adjusted brilliantly now (only 2short mornings).

Just try and separate your feelings from lil boy. If you still have doubts look at using holidays or adjusting your hours to see what will work for you & lil boy as mummy instincts are normally right.

Hope this helps x


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## NancyS (Oct 16, 2013)

My non-adopted niece cried every morning she went to nursery from the age of 10-months until she started school, so it is definitely not just adoption related.  Surprisingly she was absolutely fine with school  

I think 21-months is quite a difficult age developmentally to start nursery as it is usually between about 16-22 months that you have the peak of separation anxiety and after that the child will usually begin to be able to separate more easily from the main carer.  

As my AS was almost 2 when he came home, he didn't start nursery until he was over 3, which is a much easier age developmentally and I think children of this age get a lot more out of the nursery environment and the social interaction with other children.  If he had been younger, I think I would have considered a childminder instead, as they would probably be able to provide an environment that is quieter and they are more likely to get consistent care from only one other adult.  If your LO is really struggling with nursery, would you consider a childminder or nanny?  It might be worth speaking to a few local childminders, as some are very experienced and have good knowledge of looked after children.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Thanks guys, after four days he has now getting so upset he is making himself sick.
So we have decided to stop it and ask family to have him.
It means more ferrying around, but I would rather he was happy then him making himself sick with the stress of it all.
He also had to be given his inhaler today as he got himself so worked up and I can tell he is stressed out as his eczema has flared up big time.
So I am going to call the nursery in the morning and explain that will are not going to continue, and that it's nothing they have done but I need to think of our son.
Thanks for all your advise ladies, it really out things into perspective xx


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