# Why do people avoid me ??



## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi there

well what to say. I'm 35 been with my hubby 4 years, both slim, fit, don't smoke, drink v little, hubby 6 years younger than me, so always up for it

feeling a bit low today and not sure why,

My husband and i have been trying for a baby for just over 2 years now.
Yesterday we had our first appointment at the assisted fertitily clinic  

to my shock i had an internal and felt v sore after, since then i have just wanted to cry 
Second lot of blood tests booked for the next 2 weeks, hate neddles, hubby has been tested and he's ok.

I am very confused as i'm questioning the whole baby thing today, not sure i want to go though all this,
Always thought the having a baby would be happy and just find out and tell my man.

Is this normal or am i going mad  

Cheers

Fire

Any advise would be great


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## cj-kitty (Apr 9, 2008)

its all new to me ..just signed up, listen i know that awfull feeling some days are worse...keep thinking positive all good things come to those who wait.
as my mother used to say. Starting a long prosess myself ..want to stay in bed and cry....im sure things will come right for you...im praying for you good luck xxx


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## charlie61 (Mar 5, 2008)

Oh hun you are completely normal!!!! 
I can relate to how you are feeling and i'm sure most of the people on this site can too, i think it is a combination of shock and dissappointment.
When i went for my 1st scan noone told me that they would also do an internal scan and although it wasnt uncomfortable i didnt have a chance to get used to the idea so was quite tearful when it was all over. 
I have also questioned whether all of the pain and heartache is worth going through but when it comes down to it I do really want to have a child with DH and will be heart broken if it doesnt happen ( it's a vicious circle i'm afraid!!)
This site has been a god send to me and everyone is really nice.  I'm sure you will find the site really useful too especially when you have questions or just want someone to yell at  
Good luck  
Charlie


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Hello Fire

Welcome to FF hun, and no wonder you are feeling down.  IF is such a heavy burden to carry, but so much easier when you can "talk" to other people who are in the same situation.  I think everyone here would say it is all worth it .... some ladies have sacrificed so much and have spent years having tx, so don't give up yet.  The tests are all difficult (I've never liked needles either) and it's hard having all your life analyzed but it will all be worth it in the end.

Just wondering if you are at Salisbury Fertility Centre, as I see you are in Wiltshire?

I wish you the very, very best of luck.
XXXX


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## Katherine 3 (Apr 4, 2008)

Hi lovely - yes you are absolutely norma and not madl!    And yes it was all supposed to be so much easier, you'd start trying, it might take a month or two, maybe a little longer, you do your test and you and DH/DP celebrate madly and everyone lives happily ever after!! You will have low days, but you'll have lots of positive days as well and FF will help you stay positive, they certainly have me!  And it's only natural to be a bit confused when it all comes as a bit of a shock.  Just hang in there.  My DH and I are about to start third cycle of IVF, having sadly   had two miscarriages, however, on the bright side, at least I can get pregnant!   Anyway, wishing you lots of positive vibes     and if you want to ask anything about IVF please ask away.  Lots of love Katherine   xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hell Fire Opal, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

You sound like you need a bit of a hug right now so 
YEs, what you are feeling does sound very normal to me. Even when, after 9 years of ttc and 6 IVF attempts, I was giving birth I was still wondering if I really wanted all that family thing... bit late by then to back down!  I also regret the fact it took all of the might of medical science make me a mummy and that I did not have the chance to just surprise my DH with the news. It is one of the first sacrifices to infertility that we make. 
I actually think it is a vert sensible thing to question whether you want a baby or not as it shows you are going into this with your eeys open. But, please don't be put off or daunted by the "worst case scenario" as you really don't know at this stage what your cons will tell you. Until you know the results of your tests you don't know if you might need just a "little boost" to help you have a baby or the full whammy. Cross that bridge when you get there and meanwhile, carry on with the BMS because you never know! 

I am going to leave you with a few links to parts of FF that I hope will prove helpful to you:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck and hope to see you around FF soon. 

C~x


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Fire Opal,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the site  .  You have come to the right place for support and information.  I am sorry to hear you are feeling low at the moment  .  Good luck with everything.

Emma
x x x x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi fire opal and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic site full of support and advice.

I wanted to wish you loads of luck for the future and be sure to check the links out that have been left.

Kate xx​


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Saw the lady that lives next door to me yesterday, they said they were going to start a family before xmas and i said oh don't get ya hopes up as it can take time and said that we have been trying for over 2 years, 

well spoke to her over the gates and i'm looked at her and she covered up the tummy as she lookes about 5 months pregnant.

Why does everyone feel they can't talk to you and feel sorry for you. in a village full of mothers and feel really alone, 

Today is a bad day


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Hi & welcome Fire Opal (love the name!)

You've come to the right place as everyone on here has felt the same as you at one stage or another. The opposite was that I had someone ask me about my tx in a loud voice at a party (outside with no music) & then proceeded to tell me she knew someone who'd had tx & then got pg naturally straight after (if I had a £1 for everyone who 'knows someone' like that I could afford loads more tx!)

The problem is people who haven't experienced IF can't understand how it feels & worry about saying the wrong thing & this results in them saying nothing at all! 

It's very hard to go through but you'll find lots of ladies on the same tx as you who can help with any questions you have or just be there to listen & sympathise having been through it themselve - it really helps to talk to your FF's

I guess one of the Mods will be along with some links for you to look at which might help but didn't want to read & run 

Gill
x


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Cheers for that.

I'm so confused, as after my 1st internal 3 weeks ago i was adiment that i wanted to stop trying and that its not for me, it doesn't bother me but today i feel really low as realise that others do just have babies just like that, and that we must have a problem, 

on my second set of blood tests, last one on friday, and 2rd clinic appointment next tues.
not sure what will happen next. 

Why can't we just have a baby


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Hun what tx have you had so far? I did that giving up thing after my 1st lot of clomid as I was told because of my age I couldn't have IVF on the NHS. Then I found out a friend who had PCOS & endo really badly had had a little girl & I realised I hadn't come to the end of the line for me & I had to try again.

It's a real roller coaster & there are downs as there are ups. For some the end of the road is sooner but there are many options which could suit you & not others. One thing I would say is how you feel today will change so don't make any rush decisions .


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

only blood tests and scan so far , i no it's early days and everyone else has had much more done.

Find out more on Monday, was so upset by 1st internal that i cried when i got home and was sore inside til the next day.


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## LoisLane (Apr 26, 2007)

Hi Fire Opal 

Well done on posting and want to send you a huge virtual .

I'm hoping that some of the blood tests and investigations that you have had done will soon get you some answers. When you know what you are dealing with you and dh will be able to look at what treatment options you have and decide a way forward from there. Initially, it's not pleasant having the investigations done, particularly the internal, but when you have had a few you don't even blink, honestly 

I also live in a village and lots of the girls are stay at home mothers, we have two baby clubs in a small community! I can empathise with how you feel totally, I'm going to give you a link for the local boards in your area, through this you will be able to chat to girls locally who are going through or have been through treatment. It's great to chat to others who understand exactly where you are coming from and also share support, friendship and get the lowdown on your local clinics . These ladies often meet up, with partners sometimes too, lovely to share coffee, lunch if that is your type of thing.

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

I think from your post that you are very much at the starting out stage, please correct me if I'm wrong, so for now I am going to post you some links which will help you at this stage

Starting out & Diagnosis ~
CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs to Know ~
CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area
G&B - Community Fun board
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

It's also newbie chat night tonight at 8pm, this is hosted by caz and dizzi and is a fantastic way to find out about chat and FF in general, worth a look in if you have the time.

Wishing you all the best on your journey. Sending you lots of        and       

Fire Opal, If I can help in any other way, please let me know.

Louj x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi Fire opal and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic site full of advice and support.

Im sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Its never easy when you are trying so much for a baby and others around you fall pregnant so quickly. In the time me and my ex husband were trying for a baby my friend had 3 children so was really disheartening but this site is fantastic and will give u loads of support from people in the same boat as u.

Kate xx​


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Hello Fire Opal

I couldn't bear to just read and run.  So sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment.  Just when you want to be pg yourself, it seems like everyone else in the world is.

I know the tests can all be a bit much, but it will be lovely in the end to have some conclusion, and like LouJ says at least you can look at treatments then.  I've got a bit blaize (hope that's how to spell it) about internals these days - I've had so many.  It will get easier hun.

Be kind to yourself and take care,
XXXX


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## homegirl (May 6, 2008)

Hi Fire Opal,
I avoided telling anyone about our situation for years.  The first 2 years ttc only my mum and dad knew, not even my hubby's family were allowed to know because i didn't want their pity.  When I went in for a lap and dye, I finally told the rest of the family, mainly because i didn't want to have a general anaesthetic without them knowing  .  Anyhow 4 years in and I've finally told some friends and people I work with and they've been amazingly supportive - not at all pitying like I'd thought, but just full of positive energy and hope.  It's still incredibly hard but I think if you're honest with those people who mean anything to you you might be pleasantly surprised  

I'm new to this site but it seems like there are lots of really amazing people here too, so if you feel like you're being avoided elsewhere, you know you won't be here.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello again Fire Opal, I hope you don't mind, I have merged your two intro posts so members replying can better see your full history.
I am sorry you are still smarting from the painful internal.  They are bad enough when you are expecting it but when you are not it's a bit harsh and you do feel kind of violated in an odd sort of way.  Unfortunatley, if you do end up needing some of the more invasive fertility treatments, there is a good chance you will need more of this sort of internal work - possibly at least a HSG (where they inject dye into your uterus and tubes to check for blockages). However, if you do need this, please do tell your cons / nurses how uncomfortable you was last time as it is possible they might be able to give you something to help (or possibly as your gp for short term medication to help?  ) You don't have to be uncomfortable and in pain because of this and any sympathetic consultant worth their sort would want you to be as relaxed as possible as it makes their job easier anyway!
Your neighbour is probably feeling somewhat guilty for getting pregnant so quickly - if indeed she is - when you have indicated you might have been having problems, which she has probably surmised from your 2 year wait so far anyway. Sometimes it is hard for others to know how to respond to those with fertility problems. You might be able to approach her about it and let her know you know she's is pregnant and, perhaps if she is that sort of neighbour, discuss how you feel about it. 

I hope you get some useful information on Monday to help you plan your way forward. The thought of needing treatment of any kind is incredibly daunting, I know, but actually, once you get going it's not half as bad. At the moment you are probably still in shock at all this happening and also adjucting to the idea of it needing help to get you pregnant. Please do post back on here once you get your test results - if they are baffling you someone here will be able to help you make sense of them and, in any event, you have lots of people here now looking out for you and who will hold your hand and guide you with whatever steps are next for you.

Take care.

C~x


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## Huldra (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi Fire Opal,

You're not alone in feeling like this, I assure you! I think we all have days when we question what we are doing. I have my first appointment with the fertility clinic tomorrow, and I keep changing my mind about the whole thing. Even if I knew getting pregnant could be a problem because of me having endometriosis, I guess I never really thought I would have to go this route...
I too feel like everyone gets pregnant around me, but when you start discussing fertility with people, it's surprising how many do have problems on this area. One of my colleagues at work has been through IVF treatment (and got lucky on the first attempt!), and she is really very helpful. It's funny; our families doesn't know about our problems, but my work colleagues do!

I wish you good luck with your appointment on Monday!


Huldra


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Thanks so much for all you kind words, 

Someone asked about clinic, we are going to the RUH in Bath. anyone in my area? Bath, Corsham?

Feel ok today, its a roller coaster of emotions at the mo, trying to throw my self in to my shop, its always been hard for me as always put my job first and never really wanted children til i met my hubby,

I started my own business Feb 07 and so have conflicting feelings about the whole baby thing, as its just me i would have to close and be back at work asap, so after 2 years and 3mths, i'm trying to take my mind off it with work, 

Well take care all you lovely ladies and cheers for listening

Opal x


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## LoisLane (Apr 26, 2007)

Hello Fire Opal! 

Here is the Bath thread for you, there is another new lady who has posted on there today 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=101314.285#lastPost

Well done on starting your own business, what do you sell in your shop?

Louj x


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Cheers for that.

I'm a Goldsmith, make gold and silver jewellery, repair and commissions, wedding rings etc.
Do have ******** called Jewellery Box as haven't got website yet. take a look.

Quote " Jewellery because great sex doesn't last forever"


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Fireopal - Glad you are feeling better today hun. .  It was me that asked about your clinic, as I notice you are in Bath and Bath is one of our nearest shopping centres (Salisbury is too), as we live outside Warminster.  Can I ask whereabouts your shop is in Bath, because I'd love to pop in when I'm next over.  I do like my jewellery .... in fact I was saying to a friend his morning that if my numbers came up and I had time to spare I'd love to learn to make jewellery (and do pottery and stained glass and photography .....   .... phew).

Love your quote too .....^rofl^.
XXXXX


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi ya

I'm in village called Box, my shop is next to the post office,

Got married in near you at Longleat, my fav place

If ya ever passing pop in, 
I'm in the shop Tues to Fri 9 til 5, closed for lunch 12 til 1, sat 10 til 2


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## LoisLane (Apr 26, 2007)

Hi Fire Opal

I couldn't find you hon?      PM me with a link and I'll have a look.

Louj x


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

http://www.********.com/home.php?

Hope this works ? if you copy and paste it in it should work, not great with computers

F x

/links


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