# Waiting to be matched 2015



## DRocks

Thought I would start a thread for the approved and waiting.
We have been waiting for a match for just over 9 months, I have periods of not even thinking about adoption but today the crazy has set in once again lol.

Just booked flights and a hotel for September, as we missed out on a holiday for past couple of years and need something to look forward to just in case. 

Reassure me I'm not the only crazy "waiting for a match" mummy to be.


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## Tw1nk82

I am going crazy too and only been approved for a month. Im just annoyed at the lack of support from my sw at the moment as ive heard nothing from them even after i emailed on wednesday. Still waiting xxx


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## DRocks

We hear from ours at least every other week. Was your sw off over xmas?


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## Tw1nk82

Yes she was but said she would be back in on the 6th and she would be in touch then. I didnt get a reply on email so rang her today. She is coming to see us on the 20th and told us if there is any potential matches before then she will be stright in touch. That is all I needed to hear that things were happening. I hate this waiting argh x


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## moobags

Hi another crazy lady here we have been approved three months we fully accept that there will be a wait but the lack of support from our social worker is what is pushing us to give up.  She hasn't come up with one potential link according to the national register we had a possible match beginning of December which she hadn't even mentioned to us and when we have asked her the question "have the register been in touch" she had said no, she dodges our calls and is very negative and reactive rather than proactive.  

We have decided that on Monday when we know she is away on a course we are going to put in a complaint purely because things are at an all time low we have no faith in her and do not trust her judgement or her work rate.  I called her yesterday to catch up as she broke up a few days before Christmas she told me that the pilot for the national register was now open for practitioners to use and that she would take a look at it on her return to the office on Wednesday next week, with this in mind I gave the register another call to ask if it's available to practitioners how long will it be before its open to adopters and I was told that it's still under maintenance and is not available to anyone  and that she is not sure why our workers has told us otherwise. We have to complain we can't see any other option and this white lie she had told is just another thing on a list of many issues we have had with her such as sending out other adopters paperwork to our referees etc.

Hoping for all us waiting that things start moving in the right direction it's so competitive which is another thing I personally struggle with.

This thread is a great idea and will fingers crossed keep us all from going mad having a place to let of steam.

Moo x


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## Waiting_patiently

Disneyrocks said:


> Thought I would start a thread for the approved and waiting.
> We have been waiting for a match for just over 9 months, I have periods of not even thinking about adoption but today the crazy has set in once again lol.
> 
> Just booked flights and a hotel for September, as we missed out on a holiday for past couple of years and need something to look forward to just in case.
> 
> Reassure me I'm not the only crazy "waiting for a match" mummy to be.


Have you taken insurance incase you need to cancel or are you prepared to lose deposits if you do (fingers crossed  ) get matched before then as almost definitely it would be too soon to be able to get lo passport etc xx


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## Treaco

Hi can I join? We've been approved 7months and still waiting. We've got a holiday booked for end of July but if we get matched before end of April will change the holiday but any matches after that will ask for intros in August. We have a bs who is 8 and feel we can't just put our lives on hold while waiting for for little lady.

M xx


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## DRocks

We won't loose any money as its a reward miles flight that can be cancelled upto 24 hrs before and the cruise gives a full refund upto 48 hrs before 

Moo bags that's dreadful! At first I didn't feel we had a connection with our sw, but realised its because I wasn't allowing myself tot rust her. She is actually really lovely and has our best interests at heart.
I don't blame you for complaining, we have to have complete trust in our sw's.


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## littlepoppy86

I think you'll be cancelling your holiday, a lot can change in 9 months...

9months ago we wernt matched, today we have a 18m upstairs and a 6m approved for intros starting next few weeks...

Good luck & go on holiday asap!!! X


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## sass30

Hi all
we been approved for 12 months with no bites of the line. We have been prepared to wait as we wabt a baby boy under 12 months. We too did not take holidays last year but this year we are just going to do our normal routines and go with the flow.  I currently had a promotion at work so that is keeping me busy and my mind not focused on adoption. It has already consumed our lives so time for some us time. Good luck to everyone hope you get your links this year


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## Forgetmenot

Congrats on mummy's to be x some of you are so calm and patient.... Hats of to you ladies x

It's so frustrating how quick it is for some (not that I resent anyone for this, I think it's amazing) and for some, months, even years!  I think it depends on size of authority.

We are having trouble locally, due to small authority and our job roles, that it is surprising how we are linked to people (********   ) and then if we express interest in children much further afield we are ruled out straight away, one would assume on distance when 80plus people expressing interest!!

Hoping one day for our dream xx


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## moobags

Forgetmenot I agree it is quick for some people and whilst I wouldn't begrudge anyone of their dream it is disheartening we are with a VA so have to rely on hard to place or children that can't be placed locally they are part of a consortium but here hasn't been anything from them any potentials we have found ourselves through adoption link mainl,  but the competition is so great that nothing comes of any enquires we make.

Moo x


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## Forgetmenot

We have used it too... And because competition is high those far away I don't think get looked at.... Maybe they do.... But how can they got through 80plus docs.

Really tough x


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## Primmer

We were approved mid November so not long in the grand scheme of things but seems long when you are waiting. I spend my days constantly refreshing my email on my phone in the hope that there will be something from our family finder. She is great and emails all times of the day and night and at weekends but it does mean there is more reason to check emails even late at night.

We have seen quite a few profiles via our family finder at our via but unfortunately there is so much interest that we often don't hear anymore. We have seen a few profiles and of those we have expressed an interest in we have been turned down due to the amount of interest but trying to keep the faith that it will happen and hopefully soon.


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## Tw1nk82

Ive buckled this weekend and booked a holiday in 6 weeks time. Something to focus on and look forward to and hopefully we will get some profiles to look at before then xxx


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## Lous mummy

Hi, 
I'd like to join if that's ok?! 

I was approved 8th December and I now feel like I'm at a stand still, during both stages I have felt as though there was loads going on and felt I was working towards something! Now I just feel bleeuurrgghh! 

I have a meeting tomorrow with social worker who is very good but the problem is there are no children within the authority who are ready. It's hard to get to this stage as we have all been waiting so long already. 

I too have arranged a long weekend away at the end of next month, I certainly need the break.


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## moobags

Ladies can I ask you all a quick question after the decision was ratified etc did you receive a hard copy of your prospective adopters report ? We haven't had anything I fact all we have is an email copy of our PAR which we had to edit and send back to our worker, for some reason I have it in my head that we should have a copy is this right or have o got it totally wrong.

Moo x


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## Waiting_patiently

moobags said:


> Ladies can I ask you all a quick question after the decision was ratified etc did you receive a hard copy of your prospective adopters report ? We haven't had anything I fact all we have is an email copy of our PAR which we had to edit and send back to our worker, for some reason I have it in my head that we should have a copy is this right or have o got it totally wrong.
> 
> Moo x


Morning, in answer to your question we have never received a final hard copy but I kept copies all the drafts, I think they like to have the upper hand of course, others may have different though  x


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## DRocks

We received our Par. Email and our linking form. These are what we sent to neighbouring LA's FF's.

I feel so much better having you lot to chat to, hopefully we can all progress to chatting about links x


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## kimmieb

I too am a crazy 'waiting for a match' mummy to be! 

We were approved in July 2014 - had 2 links, 1st one we said no after seeing CPR (health issues) and 2nd one got a bit messy and we ended up saying no (was a tough decision!) 

We have just changed our approval range to 0-5 (was 0-4) but on the basis that they wouldn't be older than 5 1/2 by the time they were placed - we already have a possible link from making this change.

We have been to 1 activity day already and are attending an exchange day next week and another activity day at the end of Feb.

Holiday's are a sore subject - when we had the 2nd link we would have had to move very quickly (first they said 3 weeks then it was just 6 days til she would have moved in!!) the day of our meeting we were going away for a week (only in the UK) Although it didn't sway our decision there was an element of losing the money from the holiday! But, as we had said no we went on holiday and it was the best timing! haha! 

Our SW's have said that the amount of time we can expect to wait is longer from when we first applied as adopters (May 2013) so we're 6 months waiting and it could be a while longer - fingers crossed not too long!!!


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## Laws1612

Hi girls. I just wanted to post as I felt the same as you after approval panel in September. I drove myself crazy waiting each day for new childern to appear on the adoption link and vw checking a few times a day wondering if the social worker was going to call me. I had a link that came thro in October that the SW new we were going to linked with before we were even approved and didn't tell us. They are busy and they are always working for us they want to place childern with our lovely families. We have had abit of a wait over christmas and it will not be until feb that we have two blues being placed. I just want you all to know it will happen and it is easier said then done but don't yourself crazy the right ones will come along. Stay positive don't upset yourself on a daily basis I did it and it didn't do me any favours I forgot about all the good things in my life waiting for a child to come along. Go on holiday enjoy your time as a couple I know we have as we know that the two of us is going to double which is amazing but worth enjoying your time on your own, xxx
Good luck girls xx


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## Lous mummy

Hi,

So SW came today, it has been around 5 weeks since approval and she tells me that there are no children ready at the moment   I am feeling a little disheartened, I really hoped she would have good news for me.

There are however a few who are undergoing court proceedings but we won't know for the next three months what the outcome will be, I have not yet been referred to the national register as I am still within the first 3 months. I am completely lost, and I know it will happen when it happens but the thought of waiting another 3 months just for news leaves me super frustrated and actually a bit teary!


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## Beckyboo3

Hi

Can I join the waiting gang as well please !! We were approved in June and had one link soon after but since then nothing not even a Profile to look at.

Our LA are now doing early family finding so if they think a child is going to get an Adoption order they won't send out the Profile but look at the families waiting then contact two or three of them to progress ....... 

They hold Coffee Mornings so you can meet other Adopters and the family finding team but we have been to so many now my partner refuses to go to any more and we seem to be the only same face and lots of new people so makes us question ourselves why we haven't been matched ! 

Fingers crossed to 2015 being our year ! X


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## DRocks

I think we're in the same LA Beckyboo


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## Marley49

Hey all.

I just wanted to write a quick note to say stay strong. I waited almost a year after being approved to bring my LO home and believe me once you get "the call" you forget about all the waiting. He is currently upstairs having his bath.

I know it's hard, and I know it's hard to believe that the right child is waiting for you, but it's true.

If anyone wants to PM me then feel free xx


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## teamug

Hi All, I would like to join you 

We were approved in August 2014. We went to an activity day in September and where linked to 2 little pinks, we got the room ready etc etc..had a panel date but then got some delays and finally got an answer that they were now staying in foster care! Devastated with this, but now we have to start our search again, our authority have also said they do not have any children who match us currently so we have had to go to the sites, I have sent interest to some but not sure how it all works and if anyone has actually got a match from one of these sites ?

Feeling frustrated and like many of you I too am constantly checking my phone all day for e mails from anyone, we have decided if we have nothing happening by end of March we will book a break away somewhere in April


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## Wendy Dee

Hi ladies... another constant phone checker and email refresher here   
Can I join you? It would be great to have some buddies to linger in limbo land with!
After a super smooth assessment process we were approved in September BUT not a lot has happened since!
I remember Disney's "recently approved and waiting for a match" thread from last year... lets hope 2015 is going to be a good year for us all... with lots of us booking holidays that we then have to cancel


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## teamug

Have any of you been to a coffee morning ?  is it worth going along ?  thanks


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## mrscharlala

Hi
On Tues DH and I were dual-approved as adopters and for foster to adopt.
There's a vague potential of a 2 month old little boy but not getting very far


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## DRocks

YesTeamug, we will be at the next coffee morning, to be honest the last few have been a waste of time. Did you get invited to the pop up event? That was really beneficial.


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## Forgetmenot

Hi x another. Frustrated adopter!  I know I shouldn't be.... But I am.  We have had several links that have fell through due to being linked to birth family.... These have been so obvious, but caused us much heartache.
I am trying everything, but it is a waiting game.  It am trying so hard to get on with life, but I constantly check phone for messages.... I am going to get fired at this rate!!  I can't focus on my work really and my hearts not in it anymore..... I feel so ready for this, as we all do, and want life to start how we have envisaged it.
We still haven't  anyone we have been approved and I am so glad.... The pressure would be a nightmare with everyone knowing.
Our rooms remain full of stuff.... One would say sort... But part of me still doesn't believe this will happen....!!  I know when the time comes it's going to be mental!!
So know how you all feel.  Lots of love x


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## teamug

Hi DisneyRocks yes think that's what we have been invited to, but my Husband is away with work on the day  I have asked my SW if I can go alone, only just sent the e mail so probably won't get an answer until Monday (hopefully) do you think I will be able to go alone ?  what's the difference between a coffee morning and pop up event ?  thanks


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## teamug

Forgetmenot - I am same as you, so frustrating I too am attached to my phone and not/can't concentrate on work, let's hope we get something positive soon keep smiling  we will get through all of this


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## Tw1nk82

Another week and no news from sw. We have a meeting with her on tuesday so hoping she will bring some profiles with her. i suppose i can dream xxxx


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## Beckyboo3

Hi 

Teamug think I'm the same LA as you and Disneyrocks and yes you can attend the Coffee Morning by yourself - I have loads of times !! Looks like this one is in a different venue and format ?? Coffee morning are held every other month and Pop up events held on the other months - you make an appt with family finding team and it's just you. 

At least it's the weekend now so can switch off from checking my phone and emails to Monday ! 

Beckyboo x


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## teamug

Beckyboo and Disneyrocks may see you next month then  we will have to try and find each other be nice to meet face to face, private message say the evening before and think of a way we will know each other ?


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## Forgetmenot

Lol Becky! With you on that front!!  No sw emails or uploaded child profiles on a weekend!!

How's everyone else doing? Xx

I hate it, I really do xx


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## teamug

Hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I am an impatient person unfortunately, hate not being able to do anything, so hard    Hard to be positive but we have to try to keep our sanity


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## sapphire75

Hello All! 
Returned to FF after a couple years! Nice to be back with a fresh and positive outlook and SOOO excited to be adopting and to be approved a few days ago. Was such a momentous and very very special day   

We are going to an Exchange day tomorrow for the first time ....what would you all advise?

Looking forward to being in touch with all of you and sharing our journeys. xxx


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## DRocks

Congrats Sapphire, I've never been to an exchange day so no advice I'm afraid.


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## DRocks

Although I think our social worker is going to this event as she is taking our profile with her tomorrow.


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## bulmer

Hi - we found our LO's through an exchange day.  It was quite overwhelming at first.  There were lots of LA with what could best be described as stalls with details of children waiting for families.  It felt very strange walking round looking at photo after photo of children with SW almost trying to convince you that the children they have are ideal for you.  I was amazed how many children were waiting and how many LA attend.  The event was in Leeds and LA from London and Plymouth were there. It was however very well organised with a lot of BAAF employees to help out.  
I suggest that you walk round the entire room first, you will be given details of any child you express an interest in.  Then go away, get a cuppa and read through the details without the SW present.  If your left with details go back and speak to the SW/FF for that child.  You will need the time on your own to consider the details and to be realistic about them - don't be fooled by the photo's.
Don't know if you have printed details for yourself but we found these really useful to leave with LA's.  Ours had a photo of us along with brief details and both SW and our contact details. Our LA didn't want us to put our details on but quite frankly we were fed up with them and the lack of any progress and had no faith that they would pass on details to us.  It was worth if as FF text us the same evening to tell us she had sent LO details to our SW so we could chase our LA up.
Interestingly the FF from our LA was present and chatted to us for well over 10 minutes giving details about the children in her LA before we actually told her we were approved by her LA - really confirmed our fears that they hadn't done anything to help us.
Good luck finding your family and take a deep breath before you go in 
x


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## Tw1nk82

I feel deflated and frustrated after sw meeting. The sw came with nothing which i knew she wouldnt. She mentioned that there was an exchange day on thursday but she didnt think we would want to go. My DH said ofcourse we would want to go. She said it might be too late now but she will check and ring me tomorrow. I  cant believe it. I just want to be proactive. We are approved for siblings and it is said that there are lots of sibling groups so why has my sw showed me none. Argh xx


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## moobags

Twink try calling the national adoption register they will tell you when the exchange days are and you can put your name down we are basically having to do our own family finding which is extremely frustrating so I feel your pain.

Bulmer if you don't mind me asking what were the age ranges of children at the exchange day we have heard that if you are looking at 0-3 to not bother going.

Are any of on adoption link I keep seeing the figures on the home page the children are going down and the approved adopter figure is going up which is great for the LO's I just hope that LA's and VA's are being sensible when taking on new prospective adopters and being realistic with regards to what and what isn't out there.

Moo x


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## chadwick13

Hi teammug, I was just going through the old posts and saw that you'd come really close to a matching panel for 2 older girls and then they'd decided they should stay in fc? Sounds really awful for you. We're hoping to be matched with 2 older girls next month and there are some issues emerging. It's not at all easy.... Hope the coffee morning event is of some use.


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## bulmer

Hi
Our girls when literally just turned 1 and 3 when they moved in which was about 3 months after the exchange day. They were not considered hard to place children and had no health or development problems (still don't unless you count a horrible snotty nose!)
The exchange day had lots of LO's under 3, some single babies as young as 1.  Some needed to be placed outside of their own LA and had proactive LA who wanted to move children into families.
I had no faith in our LA at all - as I said the FF didn't recognise or even our names. I arranged the invite direct with the National Register and can not speak highly enough of how helpful they were.  We made regular contact with them and they told us how many sets of details had been sent to our SW and how often- she hadn't shared any with us.  They sent the invite direct to us but notified the SW about the event.  SW took 5 weeks to tell us and then it was only days before the event.  She knew I had a job that meant I had to arrange cover and that this would be difficult at short notice and I am still convinced she left telling us so late in the hope we couldn't go.
Even if there are no possible matches at the exchange day it was worth meeting all the other LA and leaving our details with them.  Be prepared to sell yourself. We were overwhelmed at the amount of interest we received after 8 months of almost total silence from our own LA.  Don't be afraid to make your own enquiries and complain if you need to - we did and loudly  - it made the SW realise we were serious and they stopped putting obstacles in our way.
Good luck in finding your families the children are out there just waiting for you 
x


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## Primmer

We are just on our way back from an exchange day in London organised by the Adoption Register. I would say that the majority of agencies there either had children aged from 5 upwards or if they were younger they were sibling groups. There were a few individual children under 3 but they tended to have high level of needs. That said we are glad we attended to get a view of the children out there and to speak to a few children's social workers. We do have a couple of little ones which we will be asking our social worker to make contact with their social workers.


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## Barbados Girl

We found our son at an exchange day last May and today our adoption order was granted!


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## teamug

Barbados Girl - Congratulations  

Sapphire - Congratulations 

Chadwick - good luck with your link I hope it all goes well for you, it is hard with older children as obviously they know so much more about what's going on. We have moved on and are hoping it won't be too much longer before we find our child/children we believe in fate and obviously they were not meant to be for us after all.

Our SW is coming to see us on Friday to talk about our Family Finding and thank you yes hope the coffee morning (family finding event) will be helpful for us.

Primmer - good luck with those links


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## Tw1nk82

We arnt allowed to go tomorrow as it is fully booked. Our sw has assured us that she is going to put  us down for the next exchange event next month. She said that our profile will be given out tomorrow but not quite sure what that means. Hope everyone is coping ok as i dont seem to be xxx


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## GERTIE179

We found our son at an exchange day (12months old), he did have some delays which had put some off within his own small LA. The exchange day we went to had lots of siblings around 2.5-6years and a few little ones with issues.

It was hard initially but we obviously found it very worthwhile and I would highly recommend those who wish to be proactive - even if you come away realising your SW/LA are doing everything for you, it can help picture what some of the real life profiles are like and may open discussions.
X


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## DRocks

I feel fed up today, that is all


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## Tw1nk82

Disneyrocks sending you a big hug   xx


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## teamug

Aww Disneyrocks I am sending you a big hug too   and any one else who needs one


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## Forgetmenot

I cried in my car today as I tried to phone sw again and got told she was out all day and back next week.... Frustration, anger, loss etc all in one....  Keep thinking why us x Wasn't a great day!! Xx


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## Tw1nk82

Forgetmenot sending you a big hug too   xxx

Our sw promised she would ring us yesterday and guess what? She didnt. Why do they say things they dont mean xxx


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## Forgetmenot

It takes two minutes to send an email.... Even if there is nothing, that's what gets me!

Was just so annoyed.... Ours is parttime, so almost waited a week to get to this point to then now have to wait again until next week!


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## DRocks

Thanks for the hugs, I'm hugging back  
Was waiting to hear about a LO this week but court date has been pushed back, although it's a slim to non chance a placement order will be made anyway.
We have given ourselves a definite deadline now, will be such a loss to our potential LO if we don't find each other in time.


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## moobags

Ladies whilst I'm not pleased your sw's haven't called you back at least makes me see that we are not the only one banging our heads against a brick wall.

What gets me is that there is a procedure and a process for everything except the "waitng" stage even a friendly weekly call to say "hey hello" just acknowledgment so you at least feel they have you on their radar would help.

I do wonder how many adopters give up through sheer frustration with the worker and their lack of empathy towards people playing the waiting game.

Our worker was sent a cpr for a little boy a week and a half ago who we had enquired about on adoption link his worker emailed to say she had sent it and our worker ackowledged receipt since then we have heard zip we don't even know if the car has been read it's a farce on our workers part I truly believe we have lost out on two previous LO's because of her dragging her heels.

Disney how do things get so far with these children to then breakdown again process and procedures courts and social workers who haven't got a rush in them causing heartache and grief at all ends of the spectrum.  Hope to day has been better for you.

Sending hugs to all you waiters I feel like I am in a queue and I can't see where it starts if that makes sense but that We are at the back of it and we don't even kno what we are queuing for as no one will speak to us.

X


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## Freedo

Hi all, we were approved on the 10 Nov last year and so far have seen two profiles that we have said no to due to certain issues etc which we felt we couldn't cope with, our sw has been telling us about a 6 month pink for a while and the placement order was made today, she is coming to see us Monday . She has said the bm has history of mental health and learning difficulties but this is due to her childhood as opposed to heridatry, which is something I think we could cope with, will update Monday!! Xxx


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## teamug

Hi all, hope those waiting on phone calls / e mails got some response today   

We have seen a pink profile and are really interested in her, fingers crossed


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## moobags

Fingers crossed teaming hoe old is LO 

We finally had a call from our SW today although it wasn't great news I feel much better since she has been in contact we were linked with a little blue of 12 months but having read his cpr we felt that his health needs were extremely complex and that we just didn't feel we would be able to support him which is a shame but we are taking the positive that we were considered.  SW also said she had been given two other profiles but she didn't feel that they were suitable either at least we are now getting profiles through so just hoping and crossing everything that the special profile that is meant for us won't be too far away.

Obviously all his positivity will be shot to pieces within a few days or week as waiting madness no doubt will kick back in.

I don't know about the rest of you but I find myself wishing the weekends away and hoping for Monday to arrive something which I never thought I would say but as soon as Monday arrives I am filled with the hope of everyone being back at work so this could be our week etc.

Hope you are all ok and staying strong.

Moo x


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## teamug

Hi Moobags thanks she is 6. Just hope the SW's like our PAR, this waiting is sooo hard! 

I am like you waiting for Monday so we hopefully hear something, weekends are very hard, but at least we are not constantly attached to our phones for a couple of days


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## Forgetmenot

With you on that... I am attached... You almost have to be with the online stuff as comes and goes so quick xx


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## teamug

Hi All

Well it's the weekend again! anyone had any good news this week ?


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## DRocks

Nope nothing,zilch, Didley squit.


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## Tw1nk82

Nope me neither


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## moobags

We have had a sw link with us on adoption link but we have been there countless times before and nothing ever comes of it.  Booked a meeting with our worker for next week to discuss our matching requirements currently approved for a singleton but we are now thinking of siblings just feels a bit scary going from one to two which is why we want to discuss things before we commit.

Roll on Monday when everyone is back at work lol.

Moo x


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## teamug

LOL Moobags, yes I am with you roll on Monday !


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## Forgetmenot

Nothing  wanna give up!


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## Treaco

Nope nothing for us but have a meeting with our sw on Monday so will see if she has anything for us.

M x


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## teamug

Aww Forgetmenot don't give up, keep on going you will get your family eventually just think of it that they are not ready for you yet but they are out there somewhere it will happen we all have to be positive


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## teamug

Treaco - good luck for Monday


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## Primmer

Had a lovely weekend away with DH, lots of long walks and lovely meals with a few drinks. All I kept thinking is I want to be a family with our lo and today it's really hit me that despite seeing so many profiles and expressing interest in quite a few lo, we are no further forward than we were in November when we were approved. Just having one if those days where everything seems bleak like it's never gonna happen for us


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## Freedo

Hi ladies, I really am rubbish at this posting lark, but do read every day!! just a little update our social worker brought us the profile of a 6 month pink, then our la has started picking between two families before visiting and thankfully the sw picked us so lo social worker is coming to see us tuesday!! Xx


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## teamug

Hi Freedo - that's great news good luck  

We are hoping to hear if we have been chosen for a little pink this week


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## Freedo

Good luck teamug   Xxx


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## Beckyboo3

Hi

Good luck Freedo and Teamug with your links !

Nothing has happened with us - met our SW last week it's only the second time we have properly met have done a lot of contact through email. Feel she knows us better now and she wanted us to fill out a matching and linking form as said it was missing from our file   did ask if that has affected us with any linking she said no but considering how detailed the form was, we do wonder if we have been overlooked by the family finding team as would only have had our PAR to look at ? 

One of the family finding team came in for a chat and did say something interesting - think I mentioned before they are doing early family finding. Once they identify two families for a child those adopters are then not considered for any other link - so if a case is delayed etc before going to court they just have to wait for a decision ( but you as an adopter don't know this !!!!) .

We have been waiting to do some building work on our house so my partner has decided to start ?! Knocking down walls and changing bathroom around. So my fear now is getting a phone call saying we are linked and could they come and see us !!!!! 

Hope everyone has a good week x


----------



## notgivingup

Hello, just jumping on to join you all while we all wait patiently (sort of!).  I recognise a few names from the adoption buddies thread. 

We've been sent quite a few profiles (more than we expected to be honest), some of which we are really interested in. So keeping fingers crossed their CPR's won't put us off! 

Hoping we all find our perfect matches very soon
Xx


----------



## teamug

Hi All - feeling very frustrated why does it take so long for SW's to read a PAR over a week now and nothing back yet! arghh
 we hear something soon


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls well sw was out on monday and still nothing definite but she went over what profiles they had on the matching forum with us. She talked about a 3yr old girl who had been adopted but the placement broke down but don't know the full details yet but said she would be getting put back up for adoption. She also talked about us going on the scottish register in a couple of weeks which opens up alot more areas for us to be considered so she's hoping it won't be too long before we're matched.

Teamug hopefully you'll hear soon.

Welcome notgiving up.

Hope everyone else gets some news soon.

M xx


----------



## moobags

Treaco do you have to be based in Scotland to go on the Scottish register ?


----------



## kimmieb

Hello ladies,

I'm jumping on this thread if you dont mind  

We were approved in July, since then we have had one strong link but we didn't go ahead with it but this was back in November. 

Nothing then happened in November or December and we had minimal contact with our SW or her manager - they cancelled 3 meetings!!! 

Finally met them on 2nd Jan and it was all sounding positive, we changed our age range from 0-4 to 0-5 which has helped alot with more profiles.

We attended an Exchange Day a couple of weeks ago where we had 5 profiles that we took away and have seen CPR for 3.

We have in the last week decided that we really would like a girl - never had a preference before but we seem to be drawn towards profiles with a girl...

Our Family Finder only started in January and we were supposed to meet her Monday just gone but she cancelled as she was ill - not a good start, it seems nobody from our VA wants to meet us!!! 

It's just so frustrating! 

My DH is struggling to form any kind of attachment to a profile - he thinks the whole process feels so alien that you choose from a picture and a few words! 

Sorry - bit of a rant but feeling very annoyed at waiting with minimal communication!


----------



## GERTIE179

Moo bags - I think so as Scottish pros adopters can't be added to English or Welsh registers.
Scotland & England have different legal systems and technically you can't leave Scitland without SW permission if you are pre-AO here. Some agencies near the borders are happy to look into possible matches but mostly for children who are very hardto place.

X


----------



## moobags

Gettin thanks for the info.

Kimmieb sounds like your talking about my DH I think he is so disheartened with it all and feels like it's personal with regards to why we are not getting taken forward with possible links.

Our worker isn't the greatest she appears to not really do much on the family finding front so we emailed her last Friday to say we want a meeting which we are having tomorrow low and behold Monday she called with a profile we can't help but feel she has scratched around trying to find something to make it look like she is doing something.

I was feeling a little more positive last week but that now seems to have disappeared again just don't feel like we are getting anywhere it's so soul destroying at times.

Moo x


----------



## Treaco

Hi moo I would check with ur sw about the register.  We're with Glasgow and they don't let u go on any register till 9 months after approval and only then do u get to go on the Scottish register and 1yr after approval u get to go on the national register. It's all just frustrating and Glasgow would rather place u in house but after 9 months can't stop u going on the register.  

Kimmieb my dh is the same, think it's there way of coping with the wait.

This whole process of waiting after approval is frustrating but I just keep trying to think our wee one just isn't ready yet.

M xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hey Ladies how is everyone doing in limbo land. I just feel totally fed up today and asked our sw why we havent seen any profiles from her yet. Her reply was i can show you profiles but you need to understand that if you do like the children their sw might not get back in touch as there are a lot of adopters going for the same children. Isnt that the idea that we need to be in it to stand a chance. I am so fuming. We have registered on adoption link and be my parent as i think i need to be proactive in our search xx


----------



## teamug

Hi twink - yes it's hard just waiting, we are on adoption link/BMP and Children who wait, but they don't really have many children in our criteria either and because the children / adopters ratio has changed when you do put in an interest for a child/children there are also a lot of others interested too, one we put an interest in for had another 36 interested!  adoption link is very good for this as when you put in an enquiry it does tell you how many others are being considered. I thought going through the process to be approved as an adopter was difficult with lots of waiting but this stage is by far worse , you do have to be proactive so just keep on looking and I believe we will all find the "one" when they are ready for us 

We are still waiting on hearing back from a family finder ref a little pink we are interested in, but she has now gone off sick so we have no idea when she will be back and find out if we can go to the next stage or not, very frustrating, but we have to be patient and just wait, very hard


----------



## RocketJ

Hi, lots of familiar faces on here from the Adoption Buddies thread! I've been approved a month now, and am am coping okay with the waiting at the moment, but it's early days. I met with my new SW for the first time yesterday and was told she had no profiles for me to look at. However, I finally heard back today from a SW about a little boy I inquired about 3 months ago. He's still not been linked, but at the moment they are set on a 2-parent family for him due to his needs. I really feel a connection to him, so I'm hoping and praying that they decide to consider me after all!!


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all, 
Twink, we joined adoption link and had more queries than we expected. It felt great to be in control and the Q&A section is quite useful to get social workers perspective on things, but it's hard to get knocked by with a simple 'no' with no explanation time and time again. Our sw was very proactive and supported any queries we made by phoning the sw on the same day and 'selling' us! Not sure if we've just been very lucky though cause there are lots of disgruntled people on there. 

Teamug - hope you hear soon about little pink! 

We've been shortlisted for a couple of profiles on adoption link but have fallen for a profile sent to our sw - they found us on the national register and contacted us.  Got a meeting in 2 weeks with their sw. Eek!


----------



## Primmer

We look on Adoption Link and Be My Parent but you have to be quick in expressing an interest in a child and often we found we didn't fear anything further or got a message saying declined. 
It is do hard waiting for our lo, really hoped we would be linked my know but despite expressing interest in lots of profiles we have never been considered by child's social worker which is really disheartening and becomes harder as time goes on


----------



## teamug

Weekends are hard as you don't want to go back to work Monday, but want it to be Monday as we may hear something, these are strange times roll on Monday 

 to all


----------



## Forgetmenot

And so another week starts again!!!

I cannot seem to distract myself.... I have an all consuming job and still I am obsessing!!!

I pray to god our social worker can't see how many times I log on!!!


----------



## AoC

LOL FMN.  I swear I wore out the refresh button....


----------



## DRocks

Lol, in a pm to Teamug this morning I said I was pretty calm, scrap that!
I'm actually rediculously refreshing email etc, I just gave a weird feeling in my tummy that it's geting closer, not sure what's getting closer, but something is.


----------



## Primmer

I refresh my email constantly on my phone, so much so that i am constantly having to charge it throughout the day!!!


----------



## moobags

Ladies how glad I am to hear your all as nuts as me if my DH knew how often I log on to adoption link children who wait and be my parent he would be switching off the broadband 😄😄😄

We have a little ***** of light a sw/ff want to come and meet us queue me going into a 'am I sure about all this' melt down.  

X


----------



## teamug

Hi All, me too all day long I am checking my phone for e mails, and looking at the sites, not heard anything again today as now apparently after being off sick last week, the ff for this little pink we like is now on holiday until Wednesday ! and no one else does her work when she is not there ! so everything crossed to hear something by end of this week, so frustrating especially when you really like a child and you cant do anything but wait.....


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's so annoys me that every day that goes by these children get older, makes it harder for them to be adopted, but more importantly it's a day less of attachment, bonding with their new forever families xx


----------



## kimmieb

I have had to bring a charger to work with me so that I can keep it charged due to checking email constantly throughout the day!! It's crazy! 

We have received a profile today that we saw at an Exchange Day but forgot to send through to our SW - I'm now going...is this fate telling us they are right for us?!?!?! Crazy right! 

x x


----------



## teamug

Kimmieb - me too my phone is constantly on charge ! 

This stage is so hard ! drives me nuts all this waiting and no control over anything


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone isnt going to crazy   I have been checking my phone all day today as I have enquired about two profiles on be my parent. What are peoples experience of using this website? Our social worker is coming tomorrow so I am going to get her take on things. We go on our holiday in a week and a half and I am so looking forward to a rest xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

That will be nice twinkle x

I am done in with it, it's so stressful!

We met our sw the other night, but no children locally.  We have a few potential links coming through, but I don't think she thinks they are right.... And it's all so slow.... Really slow!!

I was thinking today, that my constant upset and checking up, shows I am not dealing with uncertainty well..... And that's adoption.... She's gonna think I am not going to be any good at it!!

But there's uncertainty and waiting, surely?! Xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Forgetmenot you need to remember how far you have come and that the best things come to those who wait. I also need to remember this too xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

We sure do x hard to remember x

Just want life to start and know when linked and matched it will be as it was always meant to be and non of this will matter, but it so does now lol xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Totally agree with you there. Hopefully we wont have to wait much longer though xx


----------



## teamug

we got a no again today more stronger matches they are pursuing   so we look again so much waiting and frustrating and more waiting and waiting.......


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs Teamug x what are you looking for? Xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

So sorry to hear that teamug sending a hug   xx


----------



## teamug

Thanks  a little pink age 4-8 yrs everything crossed she is out there somewhere


----------



## Forgetmenot

Into hope you get your little princess soon xx


----------



## teamug

Thanks and good luck to us all


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - sending hugs your way, it's so hard waiting for our little ones x


----------



## kimmieb

We have a really positive link but I think we may be part of competative matching as they hinted to our sw that they have another couple they are considering...

A boy (4) and girl (2) - the bizarre thing of this is that we saw their profile at an Exchange Day but didn't do anything on the day with it. My DH then found their profile in the bottom of his bag and I was going to scan it to our SW...but forgot!!! Our SW then emails us on Tuesday this week saying they have this profile would we be interested and it was them! Sent our PAR to their SW Wednesday and they want to meet us and we now have their CPR (the shortest one yet!!) I've read it and am happy but DH wont read it until tonight/tomorrow.  Their SW and Family Finder are on leave for 2 weeks from Monday so won't meet them for a few weeks...

Just got to hope that they like us better than the other couple!!!!


----------



## Primmer

Kimmie - good luck! 

We are meeting sw of a little boy whose details we saw at a recent exchange day. We are meeting them next Wednesday afternoon with our sw. Our sw believes that they are seeing others as well as us but I have asked them to confirm so that I know before Wednesday. Really hoping it goes well for us.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Kimmie and primmer really hope it goes well for you both and that these are your babies xxx


----------



## kimmieb

So frustrating that we won't hear anything for 2 weeks!!! Especially as we are going to an Acitivity Day on 28th Feb when potentially we don't have to make the 400 mile round trip plus hotel! AHHHH! I obviously know that they are entitled to a holiday but why now?!?!?!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

Hope you meeting went well Primmer today and kimmieb sorry you got to wait so long for your meeting x 

No news for us ? It's half term this week so been busy with DS and the weather has been glorious and sunny so been on the beach which he loves ! 

Got a random question re job - I work part time  in retail so involves weekend and late nights and a military operation between myself and my partner re child care etc. Our adoption journey has taken longer than normal so in my head I would have been on adoption leave by now and making plans on not having to go back to that particular job !! 
I just want to leave as we could manage but my partner not keen at all thinks I should stay as the company offers a good adoption leave policy. I've been looking at other jobs but feel guilty applying as unsure how long I would be there for ? So fed up as work with other mums but all my annual leave has been rejected as too many of us want school holidays ??!! 
What's  everyone else doing re situations when stuck in limbo ?! X


----------



## moobags

Hi beckyboo I would say stick with it I left my job last year after 9ivf cycles and starting adoption process I just felt it time to go plus I am lucky enough that my DH earns enough for me to stay at home, however I can't help but feel a job would be a welcome distraction from me constantly refreshing my emails and checking all the adoption sites. 

Nothing to report for us we still have potential link with a little pink but her SW is on holiday so nothing happening with regards to visits etc it's so frustrating.

Can't believe are now half way through Feb I had hoped that we would be further down the matching line by now.

Sending all you waiting patiently positive vibes.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Hi Beckyboo - I would probably stick it out for the adoption leave/pay - every little helps right? 

I do have days at work thinking I shouldn't be here now and therefore motivation to do any work goes right out the window but I know that they are good employees and are sooooo supportive! 

We now are not going to the Activity Day - they had too many adopters and they shortlisted the ones that are going and we're not on it  Really peeved at that considering we have been approved since July last year now so would have thought we would have got a space but no!!! So instead we have just found a cottage for a long weekend - not too far away but just a mini break - we would have spent the money getting to and from and staying over at the activity day anyway so we thought why not! And we can take the dog with us rather than my mum looking after her  So that's next weekend which we can't wait for now  

Hopefully it will make that last weekend go really quickly before the sw is back so we can arrange a visit! Like Moo I'm frustrated we can't move forward with the link...

xx


----------



## moobags

Kimmie that's rubbish about the activity day surely they could have organised it better in terms of numbers knowing how many they could and couldn't allow to attend.  How long did you say you had to wait for meeting ? Our worker has been trying to get a date from lo's worker and family finder for a week all they had to do was say when they were free but know she left it a week and then went on holiday mean while another week goes by here lo is in foster care.

As far as we are aware we are not in a competitive link and there is only us that they are considering but we are taking this with a huge pinch of salt the longer it goes on the less confident we feel.  Just hoping that when the worker returns she is refreshed and on the ball but again we are not holding our breath.

Sorry for sounding so negative just having one of those days.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

They said that there were not as many children going so they have to keep the balance right of children to adults which I totally understand but I just find it frustrating that we weren't chosen - especially as I know that another couple that our sw has did get a spot!  

Our Link's sw and family finder went on leave Monday for 2 weeks! So won't hear anything until 2nd March  

Our SW got the feeling when speaking to the FF that they are considering another couple too which makes this so much harder! We want to get in there first so that they like us first! haha! We are researching like crazy based on what we know they like and what we can do in our area so that they can see how much they would fit in! 

I have negative days too - you can't positive all the time 

xx


----------



## moobags

Kimmieb we have been in two competitive matches it's so hard which is why we are not getting our hopes up that we are the only ones for this little pink.  There are lots of issues surrounding BF which they are still looking into just hope it doesn't take too long.  How old is your match ours is still fairly young but as each week passes and then another month etc they change and develop and we feel we are missing out.

We were interested in a sibling group that are going to be at the forthcoming activity day they already have a number of links on Adiption Link so who knows how many links they will have once they have been there.

I know there is a huge gap between number of adopters v children but I was told that things seem to be moving with regards to placement orders I'm not convinced.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

They are sibling of 2 - blue is 4 and pink is 2  

I don't like the idea of competitive matching and I just hope that they pick us!!! 

We went to an activity day in September and really felt a connection with a sibling of 2 - we never heard a damn thing! So upsetting!

We have also been told that the about of children is on the rise again due to placement orders and we saw an influx of children at the end of Jan but it has dropped down again....


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all, mega grumpy miserable post alert....

Thought I would post here as the other one is full of good news and didn't want to break the tone.

I have had an awful feel weeks and our adoption sage goes on.

We had a meeting arranged for the second time with a child's sw next week... Cancelled.  It's now ten weeks from first expressing and interest.  I was excited then was like no, started to get excited and now, can't be bothered.  I just wonder how much more disappointment.  Waiting for the meeting to be rescheduled now so who knows.  In the meantime another child has come up on adoptionlink we are more intesteretd in, though very different, but hard not to compare.

They seem keen, but sw still away.  So getting more frustrated.

I honestly don't know how I can keep doing this..... It's just so hard.  I am trying not to moan to my sw as I need to continue to show 'by resilience' but they are taking more than they are giving.  Finding it tough going..... Very unlucky.  

I know there is someone out there... Blah blah blah, yet, doesn't help!!

And now, because I am so fraught with it all I feel I can't make a good decision and possibly considering children we might not have....

Anyway just waffling and moaning, so sorry xxx


----------



## moobags

FMN I feel exactly the same as you although I haven't had 10 weeks of waiting whojc is in my mind absolutely disgusting is it worth calling a meeting with someone higher up ? I understand people have heavy work loads but to have expressed interest 10 weeks ago and have had no movement in the process is terrible.

I hear what your saying about feeling like you can't make a good decision I am so torn we are supposed to be having a sw worker visit re lo she ticks all the boxes we have seen a picture and I don't feel drawn to her like I have to the other lo we came close to in a competitive match I feel bad for saying this I can't work out if it's becuase my guard is up and don't want to get hurt again or not so am struggling the flip side though is I feel guilty for looking at other profiles I am so confused I feel my judgement is well and truly clouded.

I have stayed away myself from the other board as I don't want to bring all the happy news down with my moaning and I feel bad for moaning on here too.  Need to give my head a wobble and get my positivity pants back on just having a week of feel fed up.

Is it worth putting in a complaint or asking for a meeting to discuss your frustrations we did this a few weeks ago and it did seem to shake our worker into a bit more action.

Moo x


----------



## Primmer

No one should be bad for posting that they are struggling, that's what these threads are for.

I have really struggled with not hearing back regarding children you have expressed an interest in. I would say that in about 90% of those we said we would like to hear more about we didn't hear anymore which is so frustrating. I would rather just be told no than be kept hanging on especially when they may have been linked to another couple.

With the blue that hopefully looks like we are proceeding with, I can honestly say that if we were shown his profile in November we would have probably said no due to his age being a bit outside of our age range. However, since approval we have probably seen 140 odd profiles and through time I think we have relaxed in terms of age and what we are looking for but obviously still trying to stay true to us. We saw this blue at an exchange day and enquirer about him as there seemed no reason not to. When we received his CPR and a lovely update from his foster carer we really warmed to him and asked to proceed. At the meeting on Wednesday with his sw, I did feel like they brought him to life more with their descriptions of him and the additional photos they brought. Just hope now that on Monday we are told we can proceed. 

I would say that it is difficult but if there is no real reason to say no then do enquire more as they could turn out to be the one and that delays make things so much worse as doubts of creep in. Do chase your sw for updates though, you don't need to say you are struggling, we just sent short emails asking if there was any news with children we were interested in.


----------



## Forgetmenot

I do primmer... Just feel like she doesn't want to know.... And we are left.  Honestly thought we'd be more guided.

Where we have liked a child, then opinions come in and seems convinced these two are for us, not because they are a simple case, coz they are not, just in the fact we will be one less job.  That's how I feel.

My poor dH having to listen to adoption gate constantly.  I feel I moan am miserable and it shouldn't be like this.  It's heartwarming to hear positive stories and your match sounds good... I really hope monday brings you good news xx

I would love to complain moo, but feel like it will holds us back further.  We requested a meeting with our sw and it was fine, was really honest about how I was feeling, but felt like it fell on deaf ears.  Maybe I am being to critical but this is our life.... Coming up to a 9 year journey of a family dream and still here struggling.  It's been a year since we started out adoption journey and all I get told is early days etc! Which in reality I guess it is, but when your sw says you would be great with all your skills and experiences and we are the only ones in our group not to be matched, makes you think....

Having a down day.  Work is looming... So I guess, back to realit next week xx


----------



## Lorella

Big hugs ladies. 
The other board is an 'adoption buddies ' board and we are all adoption buddies. Please don't feel like you can't post on there. We are all there to support each other at whatever stage of the process we are in xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

I know but lots of happy stuff without a grump! Most on both now too x just having a moany morning lol xx


----------



## kimmieb

Forgetmenot - I know what you mean when you are told you'll be snapped up and then here we still are not snapped up! 

We got told that because of our age - especially mine (I'm 26 and dh is 37) and our childcare experience we would be ideal candidates and that we wouldn't be waiting long - we were approved in July last year...which yes as you say may still be early days but it feels like forever!!!! 

It's the waiting around in limbo land again! Hated it while going through fertility treatment and then you get through everything before approval panel and think it's all now going to happen and oh wait....more not knowing what is going to happen with your life! Can't plan anything in advance...just in case! We've booked a long weekend knowing we won't hear anything regarding our link until the Monday after it but otherwise we have nothing which means we are just living waiting for an email or phone call! 

I am in a particularly moany mood too - can you tell lol   xx


----------



## DRocks

I'm in a moany mood too, have been for past 48 hrs lol.
I'm fed up waiting, completely drained of any enthusiasm at all.
Bored of hearing your child is out there! 
Going on 11 months approved and yes I know that's not long but feels like a blinkin lifetime.
So so glad I have you lot to chat with x x


----------



## moobags

I think sometimes workers and others forget that whilst we have only been on the adoption road for a year our journey has been far longer 9 ivf cycles one a miscarriage 5 chemicals and three BFN's has all taken its toll it sounD's like we are being impatient we are not its just that getting approved has been a big positive step and the chance of becoming a mother feels like a carrot being dangled in my face that I can't grab if that makes sense.

Maybe AF is around the corner which could be why I am feeling so fed up.

It's good to know I am not alone and there are others out there but it's also bad that someone else is going through the pain too.

All we can do is wait and hope and be here for virtual hugs ears to bend and shoulders to cry on.

This site really is a life saver at times.

Moo x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi 
I'm fed up as well !! My partner made  it worse by saying he thinks we have been forgotten now as it's been so long !! Thanks for that !!

Our LA has a specific family finding team so our SW doesn't actually get involved with any linking/ matching just liaises with us and them but we have only been linked with one child and that was last June and seen no other profiles. 

Sometimes you just have to moan ! Not expecting any phone calls now on a Friday afternoon so that's another week done !! X


----------



## Forgetmenot

So sorry to start the moan-o-coaster of this afternoon.... But alas it is Friday, so can switch off obsessing over the weekend.

It's nice, but not really, that there is lots of us feeling the same to validate our feelings.  This is generally after all after much emotional investment!

I have been baking this Arvo to waste my time, feeling sick about work on Monday... Happy days!!

Massive hugs ladies xx


----------



## teamug

I'm with you all too ladies, this is such a hard part all the waiting and not being in control, I keep on clicking on enquiry on children, some you don't hear anything back for ages then they decline you, others they put you on hold! some click yes a link but then still nothing for weeks!  so what do we do, sit and wait for these or just keep on enquiring about other children, but then do we make ourselves look desperate ?

such an emotional long waiting game 

Weekend hugs to all at least our phones won't need re-charge as much over the next 2 days


----------



## DRocks

BeckyBoo your KCCas well I think.
I don't think any profiles are being shown, I think the FF's are just matching as they go so no profiles are being given to SW's.
I know the ones we have heard about have had no profiles at all,


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi
Yes Disneyrocks we are with KCC like you !!  and we haven't even been told about any little ones !! X


----------



## Tw1nk82

So we are off on our weeks holiday today so a week of no adoption related stuff and a week of us time xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Enjoy twink..... We still manage to talk about it!

Think it's fab if you can switch off, I don't have an off button!!

Feeling bad today as enquired about three kids from the same authority!  Probably look desperate, but what do you do.  With so much interest.... You can't just take your chances on one....

Now worried.

Sw back next week after a holiday and back to work which I am dreading.  We met our friends children yesterday who adopted a sibling group and I was blown away....

The kids were so loving, and it's like it has always been like that.... I don't know what I was expecting, but I had a little cry.... Happy tears for them.  Before we went dh was like, are you sure, after last meeting with guys from our course.... I was floored, back to crying in bathrooms, but this was lovely..... Really lovely.  So people do actually make it.

Xx


----------



## teamug

Twink - have a great holiday - we have booked a week away we go on 29th March - can't wait 

Forgtermenot - wow how lovely we just need to believe that will be us one day with a happy ever after family   and I think we have done the same as you and clicked on some from same authority - like you say what are we supposed do as there is so much interest in every child and we don't hear back for ages 

Beckyboo - that's 3 of us in this forum with KCC


----------



## Forgetmenot

Here we are, another Monday!
Back to phone checking 
Back to work and crying on the drive in...
When's this torture going to end!
I heard from a few people of our course... That doesn't help!!
I know they say network but it makes you draw comparisons (I know you shouldn't) and think what's wrong with us!! 
Still have a good day lovely ladies.... Thought of u as I was picking up my phone charger!!!
There won't be anythibg for me today as sw still on leave xx


----------



## kimmieb

I'm not KCC but I am in this area - we went with a voluntary agency! 

We still won't hear anything about our link this week as their SW is on leave...but we are meeting with our family finder Wednesday evening which is positive - all of the family finders at Barnardos have adopted themselves so they know how we feel so it will be good to talk to her this week  

Hope some news comes in for your guys this week!! 

xx


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies

Well the worker for the LO we are in for is back although I suspect we wont hear anything for a good few days was also wondering if the activity day which I think is today will have an impact on work load as I am sure workers will be there and will have all the interest from that day to deal with too so that cold cause some delay.

Another week of waiting logged on to all the usual sites no new profiles as far as I can see.

off out for afternoon tea with a friend so at least that will distract me for a few hours.

Moo x


----------



## pyjamas

It will happen guys. I'm proof of that. Waited over 18 months for THAT phone call. Matching panel is 17th March


----------



## Forgetmenot

Pj you have the patience of a saint.... I'M not sure I have the staying power for another 18 months....

Guess we will have too, 14 months to go!


----------



## moobags

Pyjamas how long did it take from link to matching panel just wondering what the average time scales are from official link being made to actual panel.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

pyjamas - how have  you  not gone crazy I've been approved since July 2014 and am going nuts! 

And same as moo - when were you linked with your little one??

xx


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## pyjamas

We first heard about LO in October. PO hearing was in November but it was not granted as they decided to reassess BM. Issues Resolution hearing was in January where BM contested adoption. PO finally granted February 12th so that was really when we were officially linked and Matching Panel is on March 17th so not really too much time between link and panel x


----------



## moobags

Thanks pyjamas just trying to get out head round dates we have SW visit mid March if all goes well and they want to proceed with us and us with them just wondered what the time scale would be for matching panel.

Does anyone know if there is a set time limit on when after a link matching panel should take place ?

Moo x


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## kimmieb

Just heard that we are meeting sw's about our link on 10th March!!!!! YAY! 

Just got to check that DH can move his day off (usually has a Monday off) and that our SW's manager is available as our SW is on leave that week - typical huh! 

But so freaking excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## teamug

Great news Kimmie


----------



## moobags

Wahoo great news Kimmieb we are just waiting on confirmation of date we have been given two options mid March so shall wait and see.

Moo x


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## kimmieb

We've asked if they could move it to a Monday but if not we shall move around diaries...fingers crossed!!!!

DH has been a bit grumpy but he told me this morning he is just a bit scared as it seems to actually be happening - which is obviously a good thing but it is the sudden realisation that we're going to be parents and (hopefully) soon! 

Very daunting but I really hope we get this match as I have stupidly fallen in love with these children - I say stupidly just in case we don't get them....!


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## Forgetmenot

Great news!!

Me on the other hand need to rant!!!!

Sw away last week, left message no response, called no response as meetings....

So left waiting, again!

This is doing my nutt in!!!!


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## kimmieb

I think the waiting is so frustrating! 

I emailed our SW this morning to say we could do that day as we have now booked time off and not had any acknowledgement of this email! I don't want to be uber pushy and email her again asking if she got that last one or not....but I want to know!!!! 

Is your SW the same as the one who did your assessment forgetmenot?


----------



## moobags

There must be a me thing in the water I need a rant too.

So finally we have a date for meeting with FF and SW but no time they need to confirm that now is it just me being picky but when you arrange a meeting with someone you generally tell them the date and time when your available so now another wait to see what time and they wonder why we get frustrated ah well at least we know when they are coming.

How is everyone doing did anyone attend the exchange day ?

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Had the day from hell and hit an all time low!

Finally spoke to sw today.... Basically got all upset and almost said we were giving up.

I am annoyed with myself, cos where the resilience and coping with uncertainty.... The latest buzz words, but this is 9 years now, and when everyone else from prep is match with babies under 12 months, can't help feel pants.... Like not good enough/ ever going to get there.

She was like kids come into care all the time, but then placement orders need to be granted, so not happening anytime soon.

Seem location is an issue, Should we move?!

Ended up in tears for my lunch break, and trying to not be a miserable cow tonight.  I just moan these days all the time. But I can't switch off.  I know it's wasted time and worrying, but it's my life, and just feel so unbelievably crap!!

Hope other peoe have had a better day, sorry for the rant xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ps those waiting, how often is it appropriate to request a meeting?


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## moobags

Forget me not I have lost count over the last I don't know how many years where I have felt so helpless and like I am getting nowhere sending you a massive virtual hug   .  When was the last meeting you had with your SW I think regular contact and meeting should be compulsory if you feel the need to talk then request to see them.  

Not sure if you have done this but if you have a flyer with your details on email it to all local authorities it will take time to do I did this and think in total I sent around 130 emails I had responses from some just the thanks and we will keep you on file, I felt like I was doing something so it made me feel a little better.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi moo,
Thank you! We have a flyer, but not allowed a copy of it and our par as has to go through sw.  She assures me it's being sent out etc but I can't keep asking for proof.
We had a meeting 2/3 weeks ago which was pointless.
So not sure what another one will do except give me some sort of focus and knowing that she will do somethibg the day before she has to meet us!!
Just feel so down with it all. I know everyone does as well but it's just getting so hard.  If she just said there will be nothing for two months at least I would stop obsessing etc but they can't she said nothing in pipeline but it changes, but then all the paperwork, court etc needs to be done so looking at months and I don't think I can do months!
Dh was like do you think they have no intention of matching us. Feel that they don't really like us... They were anti teachers all through training so not sure what we can do... Self doubt and paranoia creeping in!!!
I know you can't compare to everyone on your course but dh and I were the least specific in our requirements!
Anyway this just makes me cry again x not solving anything!!
Sat here late for work again..... Going to look after other peoples kids, again!!!


----------



## kimmieb

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way - I've felt like this so many times and my DH is almost at the point of giving up (and we have a meeting scheduled!!) and it is hard to keep focussed.

All of the family finders at Barnardos have adopted themselves and we met ours properly last night - she was waiting for a year with multiple links that failed (one even up to intros!) and they were close to giving up when they found there little boy  She said that the main thing that kept them going was that they had put some much time and energy into this did they really want to throw all of that away or wait a little bit longer...

It's really hard when people just say 'it will happen' 'you're meant to be a mum' 'not long and you'll have your own little family' - but it is true and you've kind of got to keep the faith....but....you can feel like crap now and then! It is allowed - I last year on mothers day was feeling really crap, my dh cooked dinner and I drank far too much wine while watching despicable me 2 feeling sorry for myself! But that's OK.

Don't feel bad for feeling the way you are - it's for a reason that you feel this way and it's because you cannot stay positive 100% of the time.  My DH gets so annoyed with me because I am miss optimist but every now and then I just want to scream...and that's OK.

x x x x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hi Forgetmenot

I mean this in the nicest possible way but have you thought about perhaps speaking to your GP or just talking to someone about coping mechanisms? I say this because, if you step back from this, I think I am right in saying that you have been approved for about 3-4 months and that is, frankly, a blink of an eye on Planet Adoption. Particularly as you can essentially count out December where everything grinds to a halt. It is quite normal for people to wait a year or even two for the right match and I understand frustration and impatience and sadness but this seems a bit more than that- talk of giving up and the sws scheming not to find you a match suggests to me that you are struggling to cope.

One of the reasons that sws want to make sure people have come to terms with their infertility is because adoption is something completely different. It is not about you or your need for a family, it is about the child. I know that sounds like I am being harsh but I am not, what I am saying is a nine year odyssey to you but planet adoption does not count that time and if you are going to get through this, you need to start seeing things that way and understand that when it comes to finding your child, this is the only journey that matters.

Your La would not have gone to the time and expense of approving you if they did not want to match you. If they were anti you, you would have been rejected plain and simple. You have also had two potential links which fell through due to proximity. I know you know in your head there is no conspiracy, but perhaps your anxiety is taking charge of your feelings and if it continues to do so it may throw doubts on your ability to cope with the rigours of an adoptive placement. Because when that child comes home, he or she will not be a panacea to the grief and loss of infertility. He or she may give you an entirely different life than you were expecting and you will have to have acres of patience and you may spend months, even years of very hard work parenting to even make the smallest difference. If you can do that, then you can do this wait.

I am not going to tell you to get a hobby or a holiday. That may well distract you, or it may not. I am gently suggesting you may need to find some techniques to help you through what is obviously a tough time and I think perhaps something more than a struggle with the wait.

I am afraid you may be waiting months, that is simply the landscape we are in after the perfect storm of re BS and the governments ill thought out adoption reforms. There is also going to be a great deal of uncertainty in terms of wait but also in terms of how your child will develop, what sort of life you will have and even how the process of the adoption will go- Court waits, will bf appeal, how will contact go, etc. I appreciate this is tough but you just have to find a way to come to terms with the uncertainty and delay because that is pretty much going to be your life.

When it comes to control, again, we adopters have v little control over anything! However, I can only suggest you set yourself boundaries: subscribe to the relevant publications, check you are on the National Register, either insist on having a copy of your profile or make your own and send it to LAs which you think might have children within your criteria, keep an eye out for Exchange Days and Activity Days and ask your sw to refer you. Then sit back and accept you have done what you can. Check said publications once a day, check in with your sw perhaps one every 3-4 weeks but limit yourself.

I hope I have not overstepped my bounds, but what I am trying to say to you is that you cannot change the situation, only how you cope with it and, in all honesty, the situation is what it is and not wildly unusual in the current adoption climate.

Good luck.


----------



## moobags

Forgetmenot we didn't have a flyer we kept asking our worker and she just ignored us so I made my own just our pic a brief blurb about us age likes etc and what we were looking for we also put our contact details and our workers details on.  I didn't even tell our social worker I had done it I felt like I needed to take ownership of the situation.  Everytime we made an enquiry on adoptionlink, be my parent or children who wait I emailed our worker to let her know I think she will be thrilled to get us matched to get us off her hands.

I hope today is a better day for you Hun.

Moo x


----------



## GERTIE179

Bigs hugs to you ladies that are waiting.
I think BG's advice is spot on. I'm used to having a lot of control in my work and personal life but the post approval wait was by far one of the strongest tests I've had to endure.  Like you, I would've been able to cope more if SW said she wouldn't be in touch until 2 months etc as its all the uncertainty and not being able to think/plan.  We waited almost a year and a few potentials fall over due to proximity and competitive matching.  After being described as "a couple who will be snapped up" we then started thinking what did people not like about us (that negative cycle of thoughts doesn't help but its hard to keep your thoughts positive).

For us DH & I talked around 5 months approved and set a deadline of 18months post approval and would reassess or make a decision then (we didn't share this with SW). We then did as Moobags suggests and then stepped back and decided to let fate decide. A few months later we had our match (that we found our self and out with area) and have never looked back.

Somehow once our little boy came home, the wait really did pale into insignificance.  We had a tough start and no honeymoon period and like BG said we had to adapt all our expectations and just survive as best we could - this is really when you need your resilience and self-care.  It might be worth considering the under-lying reasons why the wait is causing you anxiety.  For me, there were times when I wasn't enjoying my job and felt I had to stay for the good AL policy they had.  It didn't make sense for me to leave and when I thought about it with a clear head it wasn't awful so I channelled my energies into finding things within my work that gave me greater satisfaction and was something I could exert some control over (a piloted a big fundraising campaign from teams across the UK).

Just thought I'd share in case it helps knowing that this awful feeling doesn't last and BG's right its about finding a way to cope that works for you and your individual personality/circumstances.
x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

That's for the feedback ladies, I feel am over my ivf, as anyone can, as I don't truly believe you are every truly over the loss of not having your own biological child, however, we grieve and move one, which we have done.  I would not go back to it for all the tea in China or if someone paid me 50k for more cycles!  I am fully away that being upset, might take away from my 'resilience' or ability to deal with'uncertainty' but didn't go into this lightly and know it's completely different path to a family and parenthood.  I do get what you are saying but it's part of our journey, it's made us the people we are and the parents we will become. 

My need to parent is not about having the perfect baby or the latest pram or a funky nursery or desire coz everyone else is, as perhaps it once was, heaven knows all my friends now have grown up kids, we are well pasted it!! but we want to parent and experience all of those highs and lows!  I don't have anything in my house ready... Because it is about the child that comes along for us and we don't know who he or she will be.  We have declined profiles of babies as they don't feel right and linked to older... And I think that possibly its that whats hard for our social worker when looking at matches as it is about the child, not just the need for example a girl under 10 mths etc

I am fully prepared for a child to turn out differently to what was planned or have needs we didn't know about, because I would have a child and loved them for who they are and their backgrounds, that is part of their journey and the uncertainty of adoption.  In that respect we know what we are taking on as much as any one can at this stage, especially with the two shildren we were going to have.... Massive need and uncertainty and that doesn't/didn't phase us.  Because as any parent you never know what is around the corner, but it's different when you actually have the child, we are not naive to think it will be plain sailing.  I know this maybe all in theory, because we have not been blessed to have these experiences yet, good or bad.  This is about frustrations and dealing with some incompetencies.  I don't think our sw is awful and is working within the constraints of a system.

Just want to feel I can moan on here.... I know people don't want to hear it.... But very few places to vent where people understand. I am subscribed to everything I can be! Things like adoption link you need to check each day due to the massive amount of interest, profiles get hidden within hours, so it's hard to take a step back in that regards.  I know I need to cope, and I will, I have been for a long time.  I have a fantastic dh and we talk through things all the time and plan things to look forward to and go on holidays and weekends away etc, but it's still there in the back of your mind each day, is this the day!  

Waiting is hard on us all and we will get there.  Giving up is an option, because I think there needs to be a limit, I know I am stubborn and in reality I won't, it's something to lash out with, we have come too far and worked too hard for this in terms of everything.  When you are categorically told there are no young children within the authority and a number of people from your prep course are matched within a month of each other with young children it is a slight kick in the teeth, for anyone I am sure ( and I know there are lots of reasons why this maybe ) I am pleased for them and they are probably the right match, but I feel there is a disparity...if I am told, there is nothing and it's the same for all, then fair enough. Not so much conspiracy!  Just want to be able to go arghhhhhh about the situation.

Work is tough and that doesn't help... As I can't give it up, because I would be silly too...financially as well.  Also time at home, would be more thinking time!  So I will suck it up and get on with it and that's ok!

I know all of this will fall into insignificance once we are matched and we will be like whatever were we moaning about, but right now, it's a little more challenging to think like that.

I was just letting off a bit of steam and looking for a little reassurance, and being able to splurge without judgement helps! 

Thanks for the tips and advice, equally I have not tried to cause offence xx


----------



## moobags

Forgetmenot feel free to moan away I don't like to think of anyone bottling up anything when a quick vent can do the world of good just getting it out sometimes can make a difference.  I now am getting to know my pattern of ups and downs generally a week or two before AF is due I feel like the loneliest person on the planet like I don't fit anywhere but it subsides.  After my fifth cycle of ivf I had a mc after three chemicals I remember feeling like I couldnt go on that what was the point in me even being on this earth I ended up in a very dark place and didn't know how I would possibly get through that time I did obviously and look back proud of myself for the resilience and courage I had to get back up and go again.  If it wasn't for this website I think I would have gone mad please dont feel you can't moan or vent here we are all on these sites to support and understand without judgement.  It's great to hear positive stories but sometimes when your having a bad day or two its the last thing you need.

Sending some sunshine your way and to anyone else who needs it.

Moo x


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## crazyspaniel

Forgetmenot,

Firstly  , I remember the frustration of the wait well, I wouldn't go so far as to say it pales into insignificance just becomes less significant...
Please don't feel you're being judged, this is a placeto let off steam, moan to your hearts content   
People here have been where you've been, it's not judging it's concern for you. I won't go into the rather large hiccups on our journey since matching or the way things are in our family now but just want to say self care is imperative post placement so start practicing now....!
Self care can take whatever form you like, my sw always insisted it meant getting your nails done, not something that has ever appealed to me   
For me it means not loosing sight of who you are and the things that make you happy, yes a child will do that but you need other stuff too....

I think Gerties advice on work is spot on x

BG talks about control and she's right adopters have very little control, whole groups of professionals have meetings about my little family, I have no input here and probably only hear what they want to tell me about their discussions!
Anyway I digress... I know we're the exception rather than the rule  

I hope I've helped and not made it worse  
Really hoping your match comes along soon, please don't give up hope 

Cs x


----------



## GERTIE179

FMN - sorry I wasn't meaning to sound "judgy" in any way as believe me I have enough of that going on with professionals involved in my LO. I was hoping to offer some insight being in the other side of the coin now as it were. I really remember how dark I felt about it all being out with my control and SWs just expecting us to sit and wait. For me now the time is what seems insignificant but I still clearly remember how awful I felt so please do rant away.

The other thought for me is I would hate to see a little one or two people lose out on two wonderful parents due to giving up. As you say you have been through a journey to get to here and have been approved. You sound clued up in the issues you may face and appear to have enough grit to be a wonderful advocate for your child/ren. I really hope things change soon for all those waiting but I share BG's fears that this waiting game is really across the country and some beautiful children may lose out on their chance for a forever family because of incorrect decisions imho.
Good luck and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you x


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## kimmieb

FMN - we are here for you to vent at, it's a neutral place to do so! 

x x


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## Sq9

FMN - I could have written more or less exactly the same post as you, and probably did about a year ago. We were approved sept '13 and while our SW is lovely, she wasn't the best at keeping in touch post approval.  I knew she was working away in the back ground and to be fair to her, whatever she did either keeping in touch to say nothing suitable, or not keeping in touch, I wasn't satisfied as I just wanted to find our match.  We had 2 holidays and tried to keep busy as much as we could but I felt like I was just existing, I hated my job and was not really living as was constantly wanting news.  We did discuss increasing our age range but both felt that wasn't right for us and that we were only doing it because of how hard the waiting was, not because it was right for us.  To cut a long story short, 10 months after we were approved we were given our first and only profile of the most amazing little pink who is currently asleep upstairs.
I can honestly say that all of the pain of waiting disappeared the instant we read her profile.  We were meant to wait that long because we were meant to be her parents.  If we'd all had a crystal ball and knew we would be waiting 10 months, that would have been fine because then we could have planned, booked holidays etc. It is the uncertainty of the waiting that is so hard - uncertainty in terms of when it will happen not if it will happen.  Your little one is out there - it might be they haven't been born yet, it might be they are still in proceedings, whatever the reason, they just aren't quite ready for you yet.  You will find your match and once you do, you'll understand why you had to wait because they were meant to be with you.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs and the strength to get through the wait because believe me, it is so, so, so worth it. In the meantime, please vent as much as you need to on here - I would literally have gone round the bend without this forum.


----------



## pyjamas

Don't give up! Your LO needs you desperately, wherever they are!


----------



## Treaco

FMN I know how you feel waiting, we've been approved for 9months now and in that time we have turned down 1 match as she just wasn't right for us.  I did expect to wait a bit longer as it's a girl age 0-4 we're approved for but I'm not the most patient person and my husband keeps saying he isn't sure it's going to happen.  I alos have an 8yr old bs who is finding the wait really hard and keeps asking when he's going to get a wee sister.  We're not allowed by Glasgow to go on any other register before 9months so we should be going on the Scottish register within the next week so hoping that will open more doors for us.  Feel free to rant here as much as possible as we're all here to support each other.

M xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

FMN I completely feel your pain. I have adopted twice and was completely the same both times. I was going out of my mind with the wait and uncertainty. It completely took over my life, was all I could think about and obsessively checked my phone for calls and emails. Both times we actually only waited 2 months so I know we were very lucky and that wasn't long but when your waiting and get told there are no children that match your criteria it feels like forever and a horrible feeling not knowing if and when it's going to happen. Life pretty much goes on hold to a degree!! Anyway we were told there were no children in our LA but then from know where we were linked. Things are happening all the time in the background and court proceedings so things can change pretty quickly so hang in there and keep strong


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you all for your lovely message.... It's nice to be able to sound off, as very few people know about our journey or our approval, due to work (which doesn't help me!).  I know it's only four months blah blah blah etc but doesn't help when having a moment... Realised, full on pmt, so that's probably why so out of proportion!

DH and I had a lovely day out yesterday and heading out today, though still in our minds, even if we try hard not to, we inevitably go there!!

We have written an email to our sw with a plan..... She won't be best pleased am sure, will have to decide when to send, as don't want to appear critical, but only working part time, her time is limited and I don't think it helps.  But that's the same for many people.  So the wait goes on, but no more tears for now!!

So for now a lovely day out in the sun with the dog, have a good Sunday ladies xx


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## moobags

FMN a plan of action sounds great and a step forward hang in there Mrs you are bound to have moments of despair we are here to have a rant to anytime.

Moo x


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## Laws1612

Forget me not I'm sure a plan of action is a good idea. If anything it shows your committed that's a great sign of a parent.....keep strong xxxx


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## teamug

Fingers crossed we all hear something hopeful this week whilst checking our phones!


----------



## Loopylou41

Hi

I just thought I would say hello as I have been following this thread for a while and often check the boards on a weekly basis.  We had our panel today and got a fantastic YES so we are now in the same position as all of you with the waiting game.  It has taken 15 months to get here so seemed a little surreal to be honest.  

We have a birth daughter of 9 and have included her all the way along with this journey.

We attended an evening recently with other birth parents, 2 of which adopted 12 years ago with 2 birth sons and a lady who adopted about 11 months ago.  Both had very different stories to tell with the problems faced and knowing adoption breaks down in the majority of families with birth children, it didn't help to hear such a difficult journey that one of them had and how she is still having that and the effect on her birth son with lack of sleep and cutting holidays short etc  It really made me think we have to be so careful as to how we do this and ensure we prepare our daughter as much as possible for this.  She also has additional needs so Panel loved the fact we have great experience in dealing with challenging behaviour and medical needs but of course we have to be mindful to ensure we have time for both children when we adopt as most adopted children also have behaviour and medical needs that require alot of time, love and effort on the parents part.

I see from some of you that the wait has been a long one.  I am preparing myself for this and will continue with our holidays and life until such time as we get a phone call (hopefully) in the future.  They have advised there is no link as yet but I remain hopeful.

Wishing you all lots of luck in your journey.  Although I don't post very often here I will be reading the thread so will continue to remain interested in your thoughts and journeys.  Just wanted to share our good news with people who understand how good I am feeling today.

Louise
x


----------



## Wendy Dee

Congratulations Loopylou  and welcome to Limboland!!!  Like you I'm trying to carry on with life and holidays etc... but I'm never too far away from my phone and won't go on holiday anywhere without wifi just so I don't miss that long-awaited call or message


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## mrszetti

hi everyone
loopeylou we were approved today also, we r approval twins ha ha. That's us on the waiting game now. U doing anything to celebrate. I have never been so happy looking forward to a nice glass of champagne later xx


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## teamug

Congratulations LoopyLou and mrszetti   welcome to the waiting game this part is the hardest good luck


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## Primmer

Congrats to LoopyLou and MrsZetti on getting approved.

We are linked to a blue toddler but still experiencing delays waiting for further info. We are waiting for a dad of blue, medical reports, nursery report, date to meet foster carers and a medical professional and a date for matching panel. We had hoped we might have heard something by last Friday but didn't and stil haven't heard anything today. Hope we hear soon as really want to find out more about him.

Hugs to all who need one xx


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## Forgetmenot

Congrats ladies x fingers crossed it's a short wait! 

But we need the right matches..... One day soon xx


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## Forgetmenot

Just spoke to sw... and she's now away again until next week 

Why does no one else do their work in the mean time?!

Moan of the day... Sorry!!! Am coping, just annoyed!!

Wish I was allowed as much holiday


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## kimmieb

Congrats to the new people and to limboland (love that explanation of where we all are!) 

We have our meeting a week today - so excited yet so flipping scared! I've done our list of questions and our SW manager (our SW is on leave for 2 weeks!) hasn't said much about them...I'm taking that as a good thing?!?! 

We went away for the weekend - only about 30 miles from home but it was lovely, just me DH and the dog in a little cottage - felt like a final adult only break...  

How are you all doing?

xx


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## Lous mummy

Hi all, 

Sorry I have been a bit awol of late! I have been lurking a little to see where everyone is up to.

I am feeling extremely deflated and miserable, SW came to see me last week and there was supposed to be some expected good news concerning a little blue, but plans had changed for him pretty sharpish as birth mum declared she was pregnant again, I felt utterly crap and had to do everything in my power not to sulk like a child! (ridiculous I know) 

I have been approved now for three months and although I know it isn't long it feels like forever, I feel like it has consumed me, I can't stop checking my emails! 

Sorry for my complaining


----------



## kimmieb

Lous - It's OK to feel crap about it but honestly 3 months is no time...I know that doesn't help how you are feeling  

We didn't really hear anything until about 3 months - and even then it was slow - we've been approved now for 7 months and have a pre-link meeting next week.

Hope you hear something soon 

xx


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## kimmieb

How is everyone doing? I'm going crazy thinking of more and more things to ask - no idea how I'm going to make it through to Tuesday!!!


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## Tw1nk82

Well im back from my nice relaxing holiday and back to the stressing of waiting to be matched. We still havent heard anything from our sw which is so frustrating. I dont know how everyone else is coping xxx


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## teamug

We too have been approved 7 months now and still waiting, it is so hard you do get obsessed it just takes over your life as its something we want so much


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## kimmieb

I was just talking to a work colleague saying that we have a meeting next week - and she was like about time how long have you been approved now - 7 months I say - and she honestly couldn't believe it she thought it was much longer.....yep certainly feels that way!!


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## teamug

Yes think it feels like forever ! Hardest thing I've ever been through just feels like it's never going to happen now 😢


----------



## kimmieb

It does suck having to be uber positive all the time...but I do know that it will happen, even if this link doesn't work out it just means we haven't seen our lo's yet  

xx


----------



## pyjamas

I think one of the hardest things is that you put your life on hold and don't do the things you would like to do just in case and then wish you had because nothing has happened! We have put off doing so many things over the 18 months we waited. We have booked to see a show in London for 31st March and then start intros on 6th April so it we be a nice last thing for us to do without LO x


----------



## Loopylou41

Hi Ladies

Thanks for your warm wishes, seems like the first hurdle has been jumped over.  Just a quick question to you really.  Do you receive updates while waiting at all from anyone and if not who do you usually contact just to keep your name fresh in their memories?  The reason I ask is our SW said to us at panel as she is agency she doesn't think she will be having much to do with our case now as it seems she has done her bit.... not very well I may add but that is another story!

Would I email the Adoption Manager or do you think they will allocate another SW to us.  Thanks in advance.  Just feel a bit like we have been left in limbo.

We aren't putting anything on hold so if they link us to a child they will have to work around us.  We have a Daughter and so holidays are a must for us or we would have a very unhappy girl on our hands...lol.

Pyjamas - what a lovely idea to have an evening out before you start intros, I guess it is a nervous time and exciting all at the same time.  I can't wait but know we will have to wait a long time.  My friends have already been emailing me asking if we are matched with a child yet - NO we have only just had panel it will be months I keep telling them.  

Have a nice weekend all.
Louise
x


----------



## DRocks

Nothing here either.
This sucks!
And it's Friday AGAIN.


----------



## kimmieb

I would have thought you'd be allocated a new social worker...but yes if you are not sure and can no longer contact your sw then I'd go their manager.

Another long week for us all it would seem! 

Pyjamas - we had a weekend away last weekend and it kind of felt like our last one - even though we are only just at a pre-link meeting it feels so right that it may have been our last break!! 

x


----------



## moobags

Loopylou we are with VA but it is a small agency so we have the same worker throughout I would say it is us that have made contact with her rather than the other way round with regards to updates.  We joined adoption link, CWW and BMP every time we have made an enquiry with regards to a LO we have either called or emailed our worker to advise her then followed up a week late if we have had no response it may appear to some that we are being pushy but our worker needs a push as she isn't that proactive.  I would say it's not too much to ask that she or you make contact every couple of weeks or so if you are not actively searching yourselves.

We have made some progress we have a family finder and worker visiting at the end of next week not trying to get our hopes up too much as still a long way to go plus they might decide we are not right equally we may feel there are too many issues and uncertainties will wait and see.  Still logging onto adoption link daily though just to see what is happening and I must say that it seems to have slowed down the last couple of weeks with regards to our age band also have noticed that enquiries are getting put on hold almost immediately.

FGMN how are you have you made contact with your SW regards your plan ?

Hope you are all well and hanging in there love and luck as always.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

We have our meeting next week too moo - Tuesday! But whatever I do to not feel excited I get more excited!!! 

To make matters even better/worse - just been onto BMP and found our link on there!!! There is a bit more info that we didn't even get in their CPRs but nothing that worries me - but there is a video too....unfortunately my work PC and my phone don't play flash player and I need it to see the damn video!!!! Bring on 5pm so that I can go home fire up the laptop and see them in action rather than the 2 photos we've seen! 

x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Nothing to report here either !!
We don't hear from our SW, so we normally send her a catch up email every month ! Emailed her this week asking if any news ?? She replied no !! And suggested we keep looking on Adoption Link etc.

I do check Adoption Link but seems very competitive and also having a birth son seems to be a disadvantage now ?! As the children on the site can't be placed with other children or they want an age difference of 10 years plus.

Have a lovely weekend x


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls

I had emailed our sw this week asking about us going on the scottish register and when she didn't get back to me so I emailed her again and she called me last night saying that she doesn't think they will agree to let us go on it just now as our profile is out. She doesn't know much about the child other than she's outwith the Glasgow and if she doesn't hear from them by next Friday she's going to contact them as doesn't want our profile with someone to long.xx


----------



## Loopylou41

I really don't understand why the adverts I read say they desperately need more adopters as it seems there are so many people waiting to adopt

Do we have to wait before we are allowed on Adoption Link or can we sign up straight away? Would like to see what children they have....I am little Miss Impatient.

This whole process is very frustrating isn't it....lol. I am sure it will be worth it in the end though. I can't think of anything nicer than giving a child a good start in life.

Louise
X


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

Does anyone have the contact details of Cate Blanchett ??!! Just seen on Mail online she has adopted a little girl - just wanted to know her secret !!!


----------



## moobags

Loopylou if you have been approved you should be able to register on adoptionlink they will then contact your worker to verify your details then you are generally good to go.

Beckyboo I would still send over an enquiry and just try and sell yourselves my worker tells me it can't do amy harm saying that we are still waiting.

Monday is almost upon us ladies fingers crossed for a productive week for us all on the matching front.

Moo x


----------



## katie c

Beckyboo3 said:


> Hi
> 
> Does anyone have the contact details of Cate Blanchett ??!! Just seen on Mail online she has adopted a little girl - just wanted to know her secret !!!


she adopted in australia apparently. that might be a little inconvenient for most of us


----------



## teamug

Sunday evening again - fingers crossed we hear something this coming week   can't wait to get that link and be happy again not having to constantly check for e mails all day long Monday to Friday hoping and praying.

Good luck to all for this week


----------



## Forgetmenot

Best take e chargers to work ladies xx


----------



## Primmer

Well it's Monday morning again, time to keep refreshing email every few minutes in the hope of an email from sw whilst attempting to do some work!

Hope this week is a good one for us all x


----------



## Loopylou41

Thanks Moobags, I went on to Adoption Link last night and put in our profile information, fingers crossed it is approved quickly by our SW and we can start looking on here.  

We are getting married next April so really need to either be matched soon this year or will have to wait until after wedding as we plan a week's honeymoon.

Thanks
Louise


----------



## kimmieb

I am starting to obsess about tomorrow!! DH has told me to not get too excited as it might not progress past tomorrow but I so want these children - I can see them in our lives already....

But I know that I am feeling more relaxed about the content of the meeting as I am now obsessing about things such as what to wear...yeah like that's important!!!! 

How I am going to do any work today is beyond me - and I've got loads to do as I'm not in tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## pyjamas

We have Planning Meeting this afternoon so we will be able to hand Talking Photo Album and the large photos of our faces over to the FC for her to show LO.  Although I am very nervous about the intros it will be good to have some idea about how it is going to happen and will start to seem more real! x


----------



## kimmieb

How exciting pyjamas - ours is our first link meeting with sw and ff coming to the house....

I've also got to make sure my car is clean as I am picking them up from the train station!!! Our Sw manager suggested this to the sw and ff before asking us so I couldnt really say - actually my car is a tip!!! haha! 

xx


----------



## mrszetti

Good luck for today pyjamas.
good luck for tomorrow kimmieb.
let us know how u both get on xx


----------



## moobags

Good luck pyjamas

Kimmieb I am sure all will be well tomorrow your a few days ahead of me so if you have any tips or pointers once they have been and gone it would be appreciated.  Like you I can already picture LO with us I just hope that they don't come with any suprise information and that they want to proceed with us.

FGMN how is your action plan coming along.

Love to all sending sunshine and luck your way.


Will try and pop back on later for more of a catch up.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

That's my hopes too moo!! I will let you know how we get on....struggling to concentrate on work today!! God knows how I'm going to get through tomorrow!

We found out on Friday that our LO's are in the latest copy of BMP and CWW - was a bit of a shock opening it up and seeing them in there considering we are meeting sw's tomorrow!!! 

xx


----------



## pringle

Good luck Kimmieb for tomorrow. Xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

kimmieb said:


> That's my hopes too moo!! I will let you know how we get on....struggling to concentrate on work today!! God knows how I'm going to get through tomorrow!
> 
> We found out on Friday that our LO's are in the latest copy of BMP and CWW - was a bit of a shock opening it up and seeing them in there considering we are meeting sw's tomorrow!!!
> 
> xx


Hi, I don't post much on here but have been following to see how your all doing and just wanted to say don't worry about BMP and CWW as these things will be arranged way ahead of time and probably before your potential link was arranged so it doesn't mean anything negative, good luck, be yourselves and I look forward to reading an update soon.

I feel so much for all of you still waiting it must be so so hard as I remember the days at work checking my phone 24/7 for emails and missed calls even though we were fortunate to be quite quickly matched it felt like a lifetime lol!


----------



## Primmer

Good luck with the meeting today kimmie. Will be thinking of you but sure you will be fine. X


----------



## DRocks

Good luck today x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck kimmie xx


----------



## pyjamas

Planning Meeting went well. It was good to see FC again and hear how LO is getting on. MP is next step on 17th March. x


----------



## kimmieb

Well I've managed to get to 11 before starting to freak out! 
Firstly we have a blocked drain and the guy is here about to flush it out with a enormous bill - £276!!!!! But we really want it done before they arrive this afternoon! Oh sorry you can't use that loo it's blocked - didn't think would look good. 
Still need to go and buy a cake - but my car is now blocked in my said drain man! 
I've got a stress headache. 
We still need to put some stuff in the loft and dh is out chatting to the blooming drain man! 
I think I've done well to get to 11 - just another 4 hours to go!!!!!!


----------



## moobags

Kimmieb take a deep breathe all will come good they will see how resourceful granted it's the last thing you need today.

Keep us posted you will do fab.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Drain all fixed - window cleaner turned up at the same time! Haha! 

Headache gone and stuff in loft. 

Ff rang to confirm pick up time from station - she seemed nice which helped 

Going to take the dog for a walk and then try and chill out before going to pick them up. 

Deep breath now taken - thank you!! 
Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Omg good luck xx


----------



## kimmieb

Blooming delayed trains....not gonna be here til nearer 4! Ahhhhh! Although it means we see our Sw before they get here xx


----------



## kimmieb

Wow - the was intense but positive! 

Turns out they have only arranged a visit with us and others are a back up!! So not so much of a competitive match as we thought! 

A couple of things we have further questions that their Sw couldn't answer but next step is meeting paediatrician and fc...think we are saying yes to moving to this stage   

Moo it was fairly laid back, apart from stress of their trains being delayed and then not running to our town so I had to drive 30 mile round trip to pick them up!! 
They were here for nearly 2 hours we asked them various questions, watched a DVD, showed them around the house and the kids rooms and that was it! 
We bought cake which went down well so would suggest that - especially if they have travelled to you!  

As our Sw is on leave until next week our Sw manager was there and said to the Sw and ff that we'd let them know next week once we've talked to our Sw so got time to think things through but I'm pretty sure were gonna go to the next step!!!!!

Xxx


----------



## moobags

Kimmieb that's fantastic news all the stresses today you must be shattered another step in the right direction so next stop medical professionals and foster carer did they give you any indication of timelines.  Thanks for the cake advice our meeting is at lunchtime so we have to provide sandwiches too.

Pyjamas wow 7 days and counting how are you feeling about it all how have you found the foster carer.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Thanks moo! 
Few things we need more info on but moving to the next step is huge!!! 

Xx


----------



## Primmer

Pyjamas - glad planning meeting went well.

Kimmie- all sounds positive, we had our meeting on a Wednesday and had till the Monday to confirm we wanted to proceed and I think it's good to have a few days to get your head around it all. We were sure straight after meeting that we wanted to proceed but spent the time just going over a few things ourselves and making a list of the additional reports we would like to proceed so that when we confirmed on the monday that we wanted to go ahead we were both confident on going ahead.


----------



## kimmieb

DH is a little less sure this morning but we agree that we need to go to the next stage to get the answers to our worries - I'm trying really hard to use my head in this decision not just my heart (which is a hell yes!) 

xx


----------



## pyjamas

Looking forward to getting MP over and done with. So far we have met FC twice and she seems nice but it will be hard spending long days at her house during intros! Looking forward to it being just us and our LO at home x


----------



## Tw1nk82

We have seen a CPR today and have asked to be considered. We know that we arnt just the only family so we cant get our hopes up. We just need to hope that it will be us xxx


----------



## kimmieb

Fingers crossed twink!


----------



## Loopylou41

Kimmieb, primmer, Pyjamas and Tw1nk82 - all sounds very positive where you are at, it gives me hope....

I thnk this is so difficult to go on reports and photos rather than actually seeing the child in person.  But I understand why it is done like this.  Some of my friends really can't get their heads around that part.

I had a call yesterday from Adoption Manager to say the day after our Panel our SW phoned in sick and has left the LA.  So, we do not have anyone at the moment.  She is going to assign somebody next month to us.  Can't say I am sorry as she wasn't great to be honest, but the Adoption Manager is really nice and she said to contact her in the meantime with any questions about anything.  Plus, we have asked to go on Adoption link.

One thing she did say which is a little depressing is there is a severe shortage of children nationally due to the new legal framework.  Her words were "we just don't have many children at all".  I would normally say that is a good thing, but knowing the Courts are leaving the chidren with families for longer while SWs assess the extended family I believe can't be the best decision for the child.  

But, we live and hope our daughter is out there somewhere.

I have prepared our daughter for the fact we may not have another child for quite some time yet.  Bless her, this process must seem like an eternity to her, it does us.

Have a good day everyone.
Louise
x


----------



## kimmieb

Yes positive, although DH is worrying more about the match now - just got to hope we get to meet medical advisor and fc soon! 

We were told that when we started the adoption journey that there were lots of children whereas now there are not so many....most frustrating when you know that they are trying with bp's but it isn't always the best to try again if it makes the moving on to adoption family harder for those children  

Hope that you get a new sw soon loopylou! Get yourself on adoptionlink, be my parent and children who wait (although we still havent paid up for our adoption uk membership so only get the mag from friends of ours that have now adopted) 

xx


----------



## moobags

Sorry ladies I am in serious need of a moan our meeting with SW and FF has been cancelled less than 24 hrs notice I am so upset to top it off we have been told that the LO's is leaving and that the new SW isn't sure when she will be able to see us it's totally unacceptable not just from our point of view but from the poor LO who is sat waiting for a forever family it really has got to a point now where we are not sure how much more we can take.  

Will try and come back on later to do personals but I feel like just giving up its one step forward and two steps back I should know better than to let myself believe all is coming good as it just never does I get slapped back in the face over and over again.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Much love moobags x it hurts so much x and am sure you have tears of anger and frustration right now.... Go with it and let them out x
We had this with our last potential link..... And I know I felt like giving up and have all those emotions.  You will pick yourself up, and it gets harder. Harder to be excited and believe, but you do have to... It will work out one day... I pray to God for all of us x
The frustration and lack of control is hard..... is your sw chasing up their authority to see what's happening... They have shortlisted you for a reason? X


----------



## pyjamas

I never expected it to be easy but I think I have cried more in the last 18 months than I have ever cried before. At times you do feel that you cant take much more. You do feel like giving up..but you don't, you have to believe it will happen


----------



## Loopylou41

Hi Ladies

Slightly off topic but wondered if anyone saw the programme Exposure - when pregnant women drink?  I watched it on ITV player last night as found a link to it on the Adoption UK Boards.  It is very interesting and talks about FASD including meeting people with this condition.  They meet an adult, teenager and little boy.  They said at the end of the programme the UK GOvernment is reviewing its advice on drinking while pregnant as at the moment they state the following 

The Department of Health recommends that if you're pregnant you should avoid alcohol altogether. And if you do opt to have a drink, it recommends that you stick to one or two units of alcohol (equivalent to one small glass of wine) once or twice a week to minimise the risk to your baby.

But lots of European countries, America and Canada advise no alcohol at all.


Made me consider things a bit when looking for our AD as the effects were quite significant.  

Louise
x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Friday again!

How quick do these weeks come round?!

Have had to have time off this week, meeting and poorly,
Gonna get fired x

Feel proper rough and my beloved fur baby is really poorly x
Decision time tomorrow me thinks..., heart broken x

Try relax over the weekend all x


----------



## Flash123

Loupy, I too found it really interesting and equally heartbreaking because as they said - it's so avoidable. 

It's coming up to 2 years since we adopted. We had a very experienced sw who advised us to assume that most wee ones have been subjected to and exposed to some level of alcohol in the womb. At the time I thought that was a huge over reaction on her part - now, sadly I agree. (Obviously there are some cases when this will not be he case) 

The sad thing about alcohol in pregnancy  is that hard evidence is very hard to come by and sw don't seem to relay to adopters anecdotal evidence of birth mothers drinking. When considering wee ones we seem to be told a lot more about possible or proven drug abuse in pregnancy but not alcohol - the latter of which is far easier to get hold of and is therefore far more likely to feature in the life of a birth mother. For example I really struggle to see  our wee ones bm abstaining for 9 months considering the hectic and chaotic lifestyle she was leading which resulted in him being removed at birth. 

There seems to be a massive difference between FAS and FASD. reasearch is key. however I feel many of our wee ones, with no diagnosis or suggestion of either, will experience some of the detrimental effects that drinking in pregnancy results in. 

It's a very, very sad situation. 
Take care flash


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies how is everyone doing ? Monday is here again so phones charged and at the ready.

FGMN hope your fur baby has improved and you haven't had to make any heartbreaking decision   How ware things going with your link ?

Loopy and Flash I watched the programme too it was really interesting I think that most children that are in the adoption process will have had some exposure to alcohol it's just a case of weighing up the risk most will be unreported but we have to plan for worse case scenario I guess.

Kimmieb, primer and pyjamas how are things with you guys ?

Nothing for me to report had a melt down after having our meeting got cancelled what really got me was that if they were so sorry to have to cancel at the last minute why didn't they soften the blow by offering us some alternative dates instead they have just left us hanging, chased our worker Friday and today and they have had no response it's so frustrating they don't appear to have any rush in them or have no regard for how leaving people hanging makes us feel.  We have been assured that they still want to see us and that no one else is in the frame but we are not filled with confidence think it stems from the fact that we have been let down so many times in our quest to become parents that we just don't believe for one minute things will go in our favour.

Anyway enough of my pity party maybe tomorrow will bring fresh hope.

Love to all I have missed.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Hello!

Well, after a long weekend of crap news (my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimers...early days but still crap) we also discussed our link and we cannot get past one thing and so have had to come to the very hard decision to not pursue this link  

It was really hard yet really easy to come to decision - but it just didn't feel right in the end! 

But....our ff sent us a profile of a little pink (2 yr old) on Friday evening and she has sent our profile across, but due to her age she will probably have so many adopters profiles to look at we aren't holding our breath! 

So, back to the start for us again!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi moobags... The fur baby is hanging in their.. She must be a cat as she has had so many lives... Thought we would lose her this weekend, but no, springing around lol 

So sorry you are having a pity party, I was like that two/three weeks ago, I don't think they realise the full impact.  We tried to explain that to our sw last night.  I can barely talk, she said I will call and let them know, and hope they won't postpone, am like, no.... Not waiting another two weeks.  We will meet come hell or high water!!

Hope you hear some news today. Xx

Kim so sorry to hear about your dad.  I lost my dad middle treatment and it broke my heart.  I know early days, but it's a shock.  I think about mine everyday, and can't wait til I can sit and drink the champers he brought us for our first bubba.... And we will raise a toast.  Makes me cry just thinking about it.  And I think what I am trying to say  is keep ploughing through, dos this is what makes a life and what's important.  Hope he is coping with the news, and I am sure he has a lovely family behind him x

Am sorry you had to say no.  We did a few weeks back.  And now we have news about a potential one... She seems so right compared to the others that I know if it doesn't feel rigt it probably isn't and to listen to those inner voices and feelings.

Any news on the little pink?

We are not hopeful, but trying to keep level headed.

Hope everyone else is ok on this torture.  I know the last few weeks have got to me and my body has failed me to make me stopped!! I have been so anxious and worried.  Now can't talk... So home  xx


----------



## pyjamas

Matching Panel this afternoon. I am terrified! x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Eek x good luck pj x


----------



## moobags

Good luck pyjamas x


----------



## kimmieb

OMG - Good luck pyjamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!       

Let us know how you get on


----------



## Treaco

Hope mp went well pyjamas.

I'm with u all feeling fed up waiting now and our bs asked me yesterday when his little sister was coming as it's been a long time now.  

Hope we all get some good news soon.

Michelle xx


----------



## pyjamas

Matching Panel went well. Questions not too difficult. We are now matched with our beautiful little girl. x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats pj x roll on intros x


----------



## kimmieb

That's fantastic news PJ!!! How exciting!!!!!


----------



## Primmer

Pyjamas - great news, congratulations!


----------



## Flash123

Congratulations pj x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Congrats PJ, brilliant news.

We were approved on Mon, our SW said she will visit soon to do post approval meeting. She has said we could be matched next week or it could take months. Not many children in our local LA and they have more adopters than children (that's a good thing in a way).

DH are still in shock and can't stop smiling. I'm looking forward to the next stage of our journey.

S


----------



## Lous mummy

Congratulations PJ, you must be thrilled! What is the plan for you now? 

I've just heard back about a potential link but wasn't good news    

There was also a meeting late yesterday about another but I'm still waiting to hear, SW said she would call me as soon as she heard which obviously I took that quite literally and held my phone all evening, but nothing, still nothing today so I've emailed again, I hate to mither but asking is the only thing keeping me going.


----------



## Sq9

Congrats pj


----------



## moobags

Congrats pyjamas when do your intros start ?

Paula congrats on your approval think its the same for most that there are not many children in the system all we can do is wait and be proactive fingers crossed the wait is not too long.

Hope everyone is hanging in there still no date for rescheduled visit so the wait continues I have noticed that w few more profiles have come on AdoptionLink over the last few days all withing our criteria but my heart is not in enquiring about them feel like I would be cheating on our potential link we I know seems crazy given that we are still waiting for the visit etc.

Anyway tomorrow is another day filled with renewed hope of hearing something.


----------



## kimmieb

We heard back about some twins but unfortunately they gave us info before the CPR's coming over that we couldn't proceed....

So disheartening! 

Still heard nothing about the profile we saw Friday night - but then 3 days in our world is like 5 mins to social workers! haha!


----------



## pyjamas

Our intros don't start until 6th April as we had already booked a short break to London x


----------



## kimmieb

How lovely PJ - it really can be your last adult only break for a wee while  and 7th April isn't too far away really, at least gives you time to do stuff around the house and attempt to prep the house and yourselves properly! And drink all the booze in the house! haha! 

x


----------



## Barbados Girl

No, no! You need some booze after bedtime


----------



## Lorella

Barbados Girl - agreed! We only survived the first few weeks due to Peroni O'Clock x


----------



## Lous mummy

Today was weird but wonderful, I was super busy in work, almost ready to finish when I got a text from SW asking if she can phone me, of course I rushed home quickly. 
There is news of a potential, very little pink! Of course I'm delighted but there is still court to get through next week for PO! Although SW admits she would be shocked if it wasn't granted she still obviously can't guarentee the outcome! So fingers firmly crossed until then 
I'm terribly nervous now!


----------



## kimmieb

My DH has it in his head that we shouldn't have booze in the house...he will soon realise that it is a requirement! haha!


----------



## kimmieb

So the LA that the pink we put interest in about last week that was 'advertised' outside of their LA are now looking at two families within their LA!!!! Why put it out to VA's to get their families hopes up to **** all over it (excuse my language not overly happy at the moment!!) 

That's 3 links within 1 week that either we cannot proceed with due to information that wasn't initially given to us or they have gone to another family  

Well, what a crap week!!!! Oh well, off to the theatre tonight followed by an early start for work tomorrow then out for a friends birthday Saturday night - finally get to stop Sunday before starting another week on Monday! 

Never stop! 

Sorry to be all moaney when there has been some fantastic news this week for some of you...

have a good weekend ladies

xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sorry to hear your news thats so unfair kimmie. I had a good cry in the bath last night as everything caught up with me. Try and enjoy the weekend. Sending big hugs xxx


----------



## pyjamas

Lous mummy- hope the outcome of the court hearing goes your way. We were twice told that a PO would almost definitely be granted for two separate LOs and neither one was! It is so disappointing x


----------



## Lous mummy

I can imagine PJ, I'm so worried! It's all I'm thinking about. 
I don't have annual leave for another couple of weeks, I wish now I'd booked some sooner as I can't bare the thought of having to work all week whilst it's all going on x


----------



## kimmieb

I will enjoy my weekend once I finish work in 2 hours! So tired - hardly slept last night at all and my alarm went off at 0530! Ah well....overtime means more money! 

Hope your PO comes through lous - finges crossed for you

x


----------



## Lous mummy

Thank you Kimmie x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Kim that's just unfair.  We have had this....nuts just so frustrating x lots of tears have been cried in this house, namely mine!

Lous fingers crossed little pink turns out to be ok x

We had our competitive meeting last week so should hear early next week.  It's been a horrid weekend, running the convo over and over again and though super excited, they drop in other bombshells.... So though still interested, we need to find out more.  Just wish things were more open and transparent.... After all they ask us to bear our souls!

Is funny.  The few people who know we are adopting have all asked this weekend how things are going..... Do they have a sixth sense?! We hadn't told a soul!  

I have been saying to dh today, I don't think I will be able to answer the phone to hear the verdict!! I have been quiet too as didn't want to have to explain why we aren't good enough... However, it will already be decided now, and if it's not us, then it isn't.... Will pick ourselves up again xx

So I guess here we all go again on another week of phone checking and email obsessing!! Xx


----------



## DRocks

Sorry I've been awol ladies.
Just been catching up, Nice to hear some good news going on x x

Nothing here, but can't even be bothered to moan about it lol.
We have our yearly review next week.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Our little pink not meant to be.

Me and dH are really at a cross roads.  This is hard beyond hard and I don't know if I can out myself out there again.

Just thought I would let you know as You guys have been super lovely this last week xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Forgetmenot said:


> Our little pink not meant to be.
> 
> Me and dH are really at a cross roads. This is hard beyond hard and I don't know if I can out myself out there again.
> 
> Just thought I would let you know as You guys have been super lovely this last week xx


Oh no Im so sorry to read that, so so hard for you I cant even start to imagine, please try and stay focused and remember that your lo is out there and all this pain will be forgotten once they find you I promise  Take some time to get over this upset then dust yourselves down and get back on things xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Im so sorry to hear your news forgetmenot. Sending big hugs   xx


----------



## teamug

Forget me not - so sorry to hear your news, I know how it feels to have a match and then it not happen, big hugs 

We still not got any good news still just waiting waiting waiting....


----------



## moobags

Sorry to here your news FGMN unfortunately our link has fallen through too so we are too back to square one.

Hope all you ladies are doing ok.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Sorry to hear moobag.  It's deverstating x 

Didn't sleep last night and work starts again today... I think that's the bit they forget and our sw not in work again.  Think that's my biggest frustration!

Think me and dh have some difficult life decisions to make over the next week about what life is going to look like for us.  Guess not everyone gets what they want x


----------



## Tw1nk82

So sorry to hear your news too moo xxxx


----------



## moobags

FGMN snap decision time for us too and to be honest I haven't got the energy of the fight left in me to keep going our social worker keeps telling us we haven't been approved very long which we understand 6months is a short time in adoption land however for us this has been going on for 6 years with 9 IVF's at what point do we start living and moving on.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

We had those discussions last night moo.... And whilst I won't make a rash decision....
It's time to make a decision x life is for living.... Spent almost ten years trying to be a mummy, prephaps its time to stop chasing the dream xx


----------



## mrszetti

fmn and moobags sending big hugs to u both   xx


----------



## kimmieb

I'm so sorry to hear this for you both FGMN and Moo! It properly sucks!

My DH is starting to get to that point of do we really carry on - he is older than me (I'm 26, nearly 27 and he is 37) and he doesn't know how much longer he can stay on this rollercoaster...

We have been trying for a family now for almost 4 years (We knew I had problems at the beginning so we were lucky and started fertility investigation/treatment after just 6 months of ttc) and we didn't do IVF but went to adoption fairly quickly in comparison to many people on here.

It is hard to pick yourself up but then I went to a networking meeting with our VA and there were people that had their children for 3 years and had 4 failed matches before them - and I think if they can do it so can we! 

But right here and now it's bloody hard! 

x x x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Just reading the posts about giving up your dreams... think of it this way, if you feel your able to give up and move on then why don't you do that mentally whilst still on your journey, I know its barely any help but believe me I was 41 when our lo came home last year and my hubby 45 so we've waited a long long time for this, and now I think to myself that we were so close to not even attempting adoption and to think we wouldn't have our family, for me life wasn't worth living without a child in it, and hadn't been from a young age of failing to have children, absolutley NOTHING compares to waking up each day with that little person around, it is so much worth the pain of the process, please don't forget your goal! You can all do this  

xx


----------



## katie c

Moo and FGMN so sorry to hear your news.   


I wanted to echo WP though. It took us seven years of ttc, IVF, adoption approval and matching before we got our boy. Our approval took forever as we had a hopeless SW and so many delays. Matching took nearly a year with delays due to additional medicals they insisted on for him. We had three links fall through although luckily never got as far as seeing the PARs for them. I was nearly 42 when he came home, Mr C a year older.


But now when I see other adopted children, in fact any kids at all, I reckon we have so lucked out. He is the best boy in the world and I can't imagine having one of those lesser brats now   


Please try and hang on. You will get there


----------



## Lous mummy

FGMN and Moo, sorry things are rubbish  

They are for me too, PO should have been granted today for little pink but birth parents contested, they have delayed hearings until mid May! 

I am feeling utterly rubbish and emotional today! I only have very minimum information about little pink and want to know more but SW is reluctant to share until PO is granted, we are going to discuss on Friday wether I want to wait and I think I do but I need more info, I feel like the not knowing bit is worse x


----------



## Primmer

Sending huge hugs to FMN and Moo - so sorry to hear your news xx


----------



## moobags

Oh lous that rubbish just when things were looking up for a few of us things fall flat again fingers crossed may comes and PO is granted.

I have seen a couple of profiles today on Adiption link but my hearts just not in it think I need to get over what has happened with this LO before I can think about investing emotions time and energy into another. 

FGMN Lous and all you others waiting patiently sending   

Moo x


----------



## pyjamas

Lous mummy- after twice waiting for PO and both times them not being granted we told SW that we didn't want to hear anything about a child until after PO was granted as it saves a lot of heartache. Eventually PO was granted for the 2nd child and now we are matched. Panel were impressed we had waited for her but the truth was we weren't offered any other child anyway!x


----------



## DRocks

Happy one year approved to me ........ 
Yep a year to the day!

Sorry to hear some of you are not having a great time, hugs


----------



## Forgetmenot

So disappointed.  Sw back in today, and thought we would a least have a phone call to check we were ok and that peple gave a jot.....

First mistake.  They go on about how they are here to support, when I fact, they are not.

I requested a meeting to discuss our options.... Carryon waiting, withdraw from process, take a break.  I feel that there must be something wrong with us or our par that I want to discuss as well as how they select couples.  No one in our cohort of people have had this grief (4 lost links) and all have their LO, mostly under 12 months moved in, all in the same time as us.  I know it's not comparable, but we were the least fussy, so I don't get it.  There must be something.... Yet no straight answers.

Now have to wait a month for a meeting in which sw away for two weeks on annual leave so nothing will get looked at or done in this time.  How can I explain this and my frustration without coming across as a nutter or ober pushy?

Still very upset with this whole thing.  Got our feedback and its stuff that they knew from our par.  Feel like we were just there so they could tick a box  xx

Sorry lovely ladies... Moaning.  I know there is lots of us, despondent xx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi Everyone 

Sounds like its a been a but of a disappointing time for a lot of us   but please keep sharing the good news it does give me hope ....... 

Still no news for us, our son asked the other day if we should get a dog as might be easier !! 

Our Prep group ( 7 couples and two single adopters) which was two years ago  Do a round robin email so we all still keep in contact, majority went to Panel in six months and all of them apart from us and another couple who decided not to go Panel have been matched and children home for over a year ?? It's been decided a meet up would be nice - unsure if I can face it feel like the odd ones out !!

Our LA always meet two couples for a child and will not give any information out about them until a PO is granted as shouldn't assume one will be given x 

Take care
Beckyboo x


----------



## Tw1nk82

We have been told today that we are one of three families being considered for a little boy and girl. I am feeling happy that we are in the final three as i thought that we wouldnt be good enough. But also feel quite anxious now that we are up against two other families and two sets are going to be upset. It us all exhausting stuff xxx


----------



## teamug

Good luck Twink


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks teamug xxxxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Good luck Twink x


----------



## kimmieb

Nice one Twink - is there a prelink meeting arranged yet?

x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks lous mummy and kimmieb. There has been no mention of a prelink meeting just that we would be told when they have made there 1st choice. So obviously i have been checking my phone all day xxx


----------



## kimmieb

Exciting stuff!! 

I emailed my SW yesterday and she responded today (part time and doesn't work Thursdays...) basically saying they aren't getting any profiles and most profiles are on the websites that we have access to as adopters! So we've got no closer this week...bring on the wine tonight!!!! 

xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Yes to the wine kimmie i will be joining you on that one xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

I am heading for wine as we speak... Had an awful week.

Dh and I are working on an action plan and I am sure after tears this weekend we will be ready to fight back!

Oh another little gem today... Got to see my department timetable... And everyone has less lessons so when I go, they get my lessons... Effectively written off.  I get it, but this is supposed to be confidential and now in the public domain... Great!


----------



## teamug

Morning All

Off on holiday tomorrow for a lovely lazy week in the sun, hoping when we get back something good will happen  

Have a good week everyone


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - enjoy your week in the sun and hope you come back to some good news.

This is all such a rollercoaster ride and we are currently in another big dip down! We were linked with a blue at end of Feb and have been getting a few updates on his progress over the last few weeks. We were then told this week that the manager from his LA want to visit us again at end of April to discuss matters further. We understand that blue is struggling at the moment and as such they want to take it slowly but they had led us to think April/May matching panel and now it looks more like June/July at the earliest which means he won't be home with us for his birthday in July. We are now also worried that they may be concerned about whether we can manage all his issues and I am panicking that they will change their minds about us


----------



## moobags

Primer that's rubbish it annoys me when they say one thing and get your hopes up only to change their mind, fully understand that the best interest of the child has to be first priority but I am sure they could manage and deal with adopters more sensitively when problems arise.

Nothing new for us other than we pulled out of our link last week as we felt that by the time we got to intros LO would be older than we had hoped for (still only a baby in most people eyes) we felt we had already compromised and changed our matching requirements and that age for a compromise to far for us so we are now back at square one.  Recent our profile out to LA's and have a couple of profiles to look at plus a link on Adoption Link so will just wait and see if anything comes from them.

Monday is almost upon us hopefully there is an influx of profiles and happy news for us all not sure what everyone else thinks but it seems to have quietened down again on AL! CWW and BMP just hope its becuase its Easter etc.

Thinking of you all.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Super jealous moo - wish I was off to somewhere hot and sunny, instead I'm sat on the sofa wrapped in blankets, sneezing every 10 mins and blowing my nose constantly! Pretty sum it all up doesn't it! Haha! 

So rubbish that they are delaying it Primmer - does it make you rethink if it is the right link or do you still know it's right for you?

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well monday is upon us again.... So, phones at the ready ladies!!

Have just got to work, waiting to see what horror the day brings.... Wonder what else will happen to my September timetable.... That is depressing, another school year!!

Hope you all managed to have a restful weekend and had a little relief.  Dh and I are looking for a weekend away at the weekend, have upset my mum by cancelling going to my brothers, but it's about self preservation, and I am not doing it to myself.  My brothers all have children and whenever we catch up it revolves around them.... Adults come second in conversation, so for once I am looking after my own well being, and though sad to miss a family catch up, I know I can't do it.

Two steps forward and all that!  Have a lovely day, fingers crossed you get some news xx


----------



## kimmieb

Exactly FMN - you have to look after yourselves! 

It's like Mothers Day, although I'd love to spend it with my mum and make it a big family day, I struggle on that day so I don't - DH and I spend it getting drunk watching films on our own! My mum totally gets it (I saw her on the Saturday instead) 

But, I have to do it that way otherwise it's too hard a day for me! 

x x


----------



## kimmieb

I forgot to say - we had an adoption free weekend - didn't talk about it at all...it was great! 

We were out Friday night and nobody asked us about it which was lovely, we then stayed at my parents Saturday and while we out for dinner mum went to ask me something and I just said, adoption is off the table tonight - not to be discussed - and we had a fantastic night! 

xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing ok. We are hoping to find out today if we have been chosen for the children. It is such an anxious time xxx


----------



## mrszetti

Good luck tw1nk   xx


----------



## moobags

Good luck twink x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck twink x

Another week... And no further forward. 

.... and now ss on holiday 

I spoke to my head yesterday and she asked how it was going.  I said not great and we were reviewing options and putting a deadline on it, and she replied, well you need to decide, we've over staffed your department.

She wouldn't be saying that to me if I was pregnant and had a miscarriage.  Where do these people get off.  It's because I work in education that they are aware.  Find it all a little stressful!!

Happy easter weekend everyone and thank god it's the last day of school xx


----------



## kimmieb

I can't believe she said that FMN! Surely that is a form of bullying

My week has been pretty crap (and it's a short work week!!!) DH is having a tough time at work so can't even think about adoption stuff which is hard when I want to talk about some kids on adoption uk/link - so I've just enquired! DH positively hates his job and wants to quit but we can't afford to live with just my salary so is stuck there which is frustrating! He has broken down a few times throughout the week which is soooo hard to see when I can't do anything to help  

Thank goodness for a long weekend (although I'm doing overtime on Saturday!) 

We've heard nothing so far this week other than a thanks for letting my sw know I've enquired about a couple of kids! So frustrating!! 

Our family finder should have been back this week following 2 weeks off after an operation but we've heard nothing from her - don't know whether she returned or not! 

Have a fab Easter everyone - try and enjoy it whatever you are doing  

x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Oh she did.... Last week, written out of next years timetable! Then in, but everyone has lessons, so mine can be sobbed out if I go!!

So sorry to hear about your week Kim.  It's crappy.  I am done with my job too... I feel his pain.  I love the kids, but can't focsu. I feel I am letting them down and myself, so it's not a great cycle to be in. Is there no way around it?

Just trying to book a holiday for the weekend, to get away.... Who knows!!


----------



## kimmieb

Oooo a last minute weekend away - sounds lovely  We did that a few years ago for Easter - was really nice  

We are looking at a week in North Wales in May (my in-laws live there) - I did want a nice hot sunny holiday but DH wants to see his parents so my compromise was to stay in a cottage about an hour from them so we don't see them but don't see too much of them! haha! Not quite Croatia beach holiday that I had found but never mind! 

I think the problem with working while searching for your lo is that I expected to be off work by now so don't really put much effort in...like now - I've been away from my desk at meetings all day and all I've done since I've been back is go on here, check CWW, BMP and AL and check emails for SW (wishful thinking!) - I have loads to do especially with being off for most of the Easter Weekend but just can't bring myself to do it! 

xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Can i join in on your crappy week group? We have just been told that we didnt get chosen. Just felt like i have been hit in the face. I too hate work and just want to be out of there. I hate all this i have done nothing but cry since. Good start to the easter break xxx


----------



## moobags

Oh twink so sorry to see your post was hoping that at least one of us would get some good news this week.

Nothing for us so that's that.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Twink... Am so sorry x we were in your position after the visit and its deverstating x you feel it's personal and another failure, but it isn't.

After the tears stop and you will pick yourself up and fight again, with possibly a little less resolve but you will... And onwards and upwards x 

Kim, she in Wales... Just looking at it now... Waiting for dH to get in so can book x

Rubbish day moo? X


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone has had a lovely adoption free weekend. I wont have to keep checking my emails this week as sw is on leave. Hope people have some good news to share this week xxx


----------



## kimmieb

Twink - so sorry to hear your news  

I'm kind of glad to be back at work today - gives my liver a rest from wine! haha! 

Our SW emailed us late Friday to say that she is on leave this week (thanks for the notice!!) and that our ff hadn't returned from off sick like we'd thought! No idea if ff is back today or not so probably won't hear anything this week! 

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

All this waiting is hard x

Wish they would just spend a thought for those waiting and a little news dying no news means the world!!

We are on holiday as is our sw!!! Every school holiday it turns out 

I asked that someone take over in her absence and on Thursday there was a child interested in, in our consortium... Emailed, no response lol

So that will be us until next week when we have requested a meeting xx

On the plus note the sun is shining and sat on the beach with dh and the dog xx


----------



## teamug

Hi All

Well we had a lovely lazy week in Lanzarote but now home and back to normality 

We have a meeting with our SW tomorrow to discuss our options what can we do to make us look better on our PAR.

Thinking of asking if we can foster then adopt, anyone know if we can do this ?

Thanks hope you all have a good week


----------



## pyjamas

Our SW mentioned F2A when we were waiting but then never mentioned it again. I don't know what the wait is for this. We decided it wasn't for us anyway as we have had so much heartache already and could not face the possibility of being hurt again. You can only get back up so many times x x


----------



## DRocks

Teamug, were approved for foster to adopt also so our LA do. A
Though not so sure about the age group your looking at but worth asking.

Sorry to hear some of you have had bad news, been there it sucks. Just take the time to heal your hearts.

We had our yearly review last week, it seemed to have gone well and really hoping that something will begins happen soon. The new manager in our LA seems lovely and it was a relief to hear they have stopped doing information evenings and aproving people until the backlog of approved adopters is reduced.


----------



## Forgetmenot

That's some consolation Disney x glad it went well.  Here's hoping you hear some good news soon x


----------



## kimmieb

Well, my DH has just quit his job - it was an awful place, he was being bullied by his boss and when he broke down in tears at 630 this morning I knew he couldn't stay anymore...

He doesn't have another job to go to which means nobody would place a child with us as my salary doesn't pay all of our bills! 

So, looks like we are going to have to meet our SW and put it all on hold until DH finds a new job...

xx


----------



## moobags

Oh kimmie that terrible about your DH but it's better him being out of such an awful place for his mental well being fingers crossed that you don't have to put things on hold for too long who knows it could be a blessing in disguise.

Nothing much for us to report still waiting and waiting and waitng some more not sure how much more I can do.

Is there anyone out there with good news seems like it's dried up and the wheels have ground to a hault for everyone.

Moo x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Kimmie i really feel for you both. It must have been so horrible for him having to work with a boss like that. Hope he finds work soon sending big hugs xxxxx


----------



## kimmieb

Thanks guys - hopefully he will find something...He quickly text me earlier to say that she didnt take it well and went red...but wasn't free to ring me as he isn't allowed to use his phone! So I don't know what has been arranged between them...

Hopefully it is a blessing in disguise moo! 

It would all be fine if I earned more money  

xxx


----------



## teamug

Kimmie - that's awful feeling that bad at work that you have to give it up without another job, big hugs to you both  

DisneyRocks - wow didn't realise you were FtA!  and you are still waiting a year! we were told yesterday about the new Manager not met her though, and how bad is that though another new Manager! what's going on there... Also told about the no more information evenings for a while that has to help.

Pyjamas - I hear what you are saying we did think that we couldn't foster as wouldn't be able to give them up, maybe we should forget that idea, it's just so hard all this waiting!


----------



## Forgetmenot

What an annoyibg day ladies...
Lost out on a potential link due to sw being on holiday and the manager not reading our email and following up on it.  Makes me so angry! What are we supposed to do.
How can we say this next week without coming across as moaning and critical...
I just think if I carried on like this in my work place, well I'd be hung out to dry!!
Just makes me so upset as we have a meeting and nothibg to discuss... There is nothibg so nothibg!
Don't know what we can do.... Xx

I just feel for us all right now.
All others from my course all my up with their lo... Again left behind of another group... I know silly, but it's a support network and already when u say above... 'Oh rubbish, aren't they' guess peeps move on and not really interested when life is busy x

Sorry for the moan!!!

Hugs kimmie x


----------



## teamug

Forget menot - it's hard isn't it think like you say we are all feeling it all this waiting and then so much disappointment time after time! We had a meeting yesterday with our SW and we're just honest about how we feel we were negative but that's how this makes you feel so I say if you need to get it off your chest just do it! They know we are all frustrated as it's the same everywhere so they have to accept we feel emotional.

Moan away that's what this thread is for us feeling emotional and to share with others who do actually understand how it feels 

Xx


----------



## kimmieb

We're going to be honest with our sw about how we are feeling at the moment - even without DH's job issues! - we have been honest all the way through so I don't see the harm in carrying on like it...obviously we won't go on a moaning tirade about how crap we think they have been recently but they will understand that we feel like we're not happy.

xxx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi
We sent our SW an email this week saying we were fed up !!! She replied to say she was leaving the team ? So did we want to pencil in our yearly Review ( god never thought we wud be at that stage !!) and meet our new SW ?! That will be our fourth one but not to bad as our LA have a separate family finding team so she just liaises with them.

Disney and Teamug - same LA and she told us the same they have stopped Information evenings. 

Kimmieb hope your hubby finds a new job soon - not the same but I hate my job but just hanging in there to we get a match .........

FMN - we are way behind our prep group now they all have their children home for over a year now and most have finished adoption leave and gone back to work !!!

Hopefully we will all get matched very soon !! X


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becky... Like her style! That's just typical!  Be interesting to hear what they say at this meeting x

Hate my job too.... Thinking of resigning.... As this waiting could go on forever.... Been hanging in there for SAP, as worked for it, but can't do both.... Doing neither waiting graciously or teaching at my best.

Can't believe all your course are heading back to work... Comes to something when all friends kids now teenagers, and even behind on adoption buddies.... I do wonder how it will be socially if we get through this.

How are things kimmie after a few days, is dh recovering/feeling more calm about things? I know one stress replaces another, but hopefully his own emotional wellbeing will be intact xx

Teamug, hope the meeting helped. Xx

Hugs everyone else.... Another Sunday, phones and charged at the ready for a 'normal' week, maybe someone will be in the office this week!

We have a meeting, a catch up following the competitive link.... Don't know how to play it.  Let it all wash over, or say this is how it is.  I am so cross about so many things, but it won't get me anywhere.... Don't want to come across in the wrong way as adoption is waiting, uncertain etc, however, when you are waiting, it is hard, and how long do you wait for!  It's not about ultimatums..... But it's hard and people including guys on our course, go hang in there etc.  Easy to say when why have their bubbas xx

So any top tips for sw meetings, happily received xx


----------



## DRocks

It is hard when your the last from your prep group. We are the last ones practically and it sucks. Some are back to work and have been placed for over a year. When we saw our SW the other week we expressed how difficult it is as we can just no longer relate to them, it's hard to continuously be happy for them and not let jealousy kick in.

We got flat out refused for one on adoption link yesterday after days of waiting, that sucks too, I know it's not the case but it makes you feel pretty damn worthless.

Beckyboo that sucks about your social worker, I told my partner and she said ours best not leave as she can't face getting another.

FMN just say how it is, I find honesty with our SWis the best way, I think it helps show how we manage our emotions.

The only sniff of anything for us is a zero to non chance at best. And the babies sw is off until the end of the month anyway.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lets hope tomorrow is the start of a positive week and that we all get some good news xxx


----------



## teamug

Here here Twink  have a good week all


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Disney x we will x


----------



## moobags

I'm with you there twink     for a good week never have I looked forward to Mondays as much since we were approved 6 months anniversary this week which in adoption scales is not ling but it feels like an eternity.

FGMN hope you get somewhere with your meeting reckon you need to kick some       

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Am with you moo!  It's is a life time if you're not one of the lucky ones (& glad people are as waiting sucks!!) xx

AM just happy it's monday and NO SCHOOL!!! Whoop whoop xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls, I agree with you all this waiting game is hard.  We finally got our details send to go on the scottish register on Thursday so will see if we get any further forward from that. Our sw has also put us forward for an adoption open day in June if we're not matched before then.
Taking a break from it all this week as we are heading down to see friends in Dorset on Tuesday for 3 days then off to legoland Friday and Saturday, don't know who's more excited us or our 8yr old bs.

Kimmie hope your husband is feeling better,  def be honest with you sw.

Becs hope ur new sw is nice.

FMN that's terrible about the link you missed out on.

Disneyrocks know how you feel about being left behind.

teamug hope your doing ok.

Hi to anyone I've missed.

Hope this is a week of good news for some od us.

Michelle x


----------



## kimmieb

We got a no for 3 links on adoption link and our sw was chasing a profile on CWW last week but couldn't get through on the phone so has sent an email...I'm not hopeful - and any way even if we I doubt they would place as we are about to have less income and financial security!!! 

I have today asked for a meeting with our sw to talk about everything - also want her to know about my dad (recently diagnosed with Alzheimers) just so she knows I have a bit of stress with that going on too! As well as DH's job! 

We will be 9 month's approved at the end of this month - feels like an eternity! 

xx


----------



## kimmieb

How typical is this...I am still enquiring for children - even though we don't think they would place due to my DH to soon be out of work - on the basis that we haven't been matched so far so why not! So, I click enquire on adoption link about 2 pinks and they blooming link with us! haha!! 

Which of course is great, but it would be typical if they want to match with us and then we can't do it as DH has no job!!!! 

xx


----------



## moobags

Your right kimmie it is typical how is DH hopefully he is feeling a million times better for leaving the crap behind has the job hunting started.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

He was feeling pretty good as I had been told I could get him a job where I work as we had just advertised for a zero hours fixed term contract which would be great for while he looked for a job, but they told me yesterday that they couldnt accept his cv as it was after the closing date! Not happy!!! It just means there is more pressure to find a job as soon as poss...!! 

He does feel better - however still dreading going in even though he is only there until the 30th! 

x


----------



## kimmieb

Added to the typical - a enquiry I made on Adoption UK about 2 weeks ago now wants our PAR too!!! Nothing for ages and now 2 links when they most likely won't place due to lack of job! Why does it always have to happen like this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


----------



## Forgetmenot

You never know kimmie have the faith xx

Could you not do more hours at work and dH stay home? Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Just had a pointless meeting this morning with our sw.... Resulted in much tears in the car!

I honestly don't know how much longer to go on for.  I know you have to wait, but she keeps saying we are one of their strongest couples, I know you will get there, all great, but nothing.... Are they just fobbing us off as everyone else is matched?!

She said book holidays enjoy yourself, yes I could.  But why would I want to blow my savings on holidays when they are for our future children, so I can remain of work indefinitely!  They just don't get it.  Just feel like our dream is slowly trickling away.... Just gutted xxx


----------



## kimmieb

I shall keep the faith - but just gets hard to you know! 

And I'm already doing overtime - have done the past two Saturdays but it still wouldn't be enough to allow him to stay at home  

I know what you mean re:holidays and stuff - I'd love to go away but even when DH was working it would have been alot to go away, we would have used savings that we need for when we have kids!! 

Sorry it wasn't a good meeting - I have today arranged one with ours for the 1st May (could of been next week but DH is still working...) 

xx


----------



## teamug

It is so hard, but there are a lot of us in the same boat, this situation is nationwide and as upsetting and frustrating as it is, it has to get better for us soon, they have stopped recruiting so many new adopters now, and we were told the children seem to be starting to come through again slowly, so we must all keep up our hopes and dreams and we will be parents big hugs to all


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sorry for the moan but i am feeling really down today and i dont know how much of this competitive matching i can take. I feel like we will never win xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's hard twinkle.... Been their and failed... BUT someone needs to be chosen, so why not you lovely x keep the faith.... If you are in it, there is still hope.  Message if you want any help from our expereince xx

Well had an annoying day too... Email from sw to say exchange day cancelled next week as no kids to feature, so will be in touch, end of.  Basically she will be in touch....ie stop hassling!!

So lovely ladies, what do we all do now?!  I hate waiting and doing nothing, trying to be proactive and busy etc..... 

Dh just been on a designated safe guarding course today, part was delivered by a sw.  He was shocked at the so called joined up thinking and best practice.... Is a fallacy!  I guess only one workers opnion so take with a pinch of salt.

Least the sun is shiningxx


----------



## DRocks

Sorry no personals but my head is all over the place.
Please please please keep your fingers crossed for us, we have fallen in love and pray it's our time.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Disney   xx


----------



## moobags

Where is everyone at I am losing track has anyone got any links or are we all still in the same waiting boat.

We have over 10 profiles on hold on adoption link a couple from November and December surely something has happened to them by now, why can't SW update the info as for the declines don't get me started on that long list that I have to see every time I click on our enquiry page.  We have one link but there are 8 other families and we are guessing we haven't been shortlisted for a visit because the link is over two months old.

Disheartened doesn't cover it.

Trying to fill my time with bits and bobs meeting friends etc but all I want to be doing is sat in the park in the sunshine playing with my forever LO.

Moo x


----------



## AoC

Everything crossed for you, Disney.


----------



## kimmieb

Fingers crossed disney!! 

We have to links - one on adoption uk and one on adoption link - both have requested and received our PAR. the one on alink says she'll let us know in a couple weeks!! 

We'll see huh!


----------



## DRocks

Ours is adoption link also, but is a neighbouring LA.
They actually approached us yesterday and it's been pretty quick since then.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Fingers crossed Disney x 

Good luck Kimmieb with your links x 

We don't seem to have much luck on Adoption Link x

Moobags - we are still waiting !! Been approved since last June had no profiles or links at all. All through home study we were told having a birth son is great and would help us but now for matching seems a disadvantage x

Beckyboo


----------



## teamug

Everything crossed for you Disney    

Good luck with your links Kimmie

We got a link on adoption link today and our PAR been sent, but this has happened a lot of times so not getting too excited, so many all put in an interest in the same child x


----------



## Forgetmenot

CWW is £85  - is this correct? Worth it ? Or duplicate of adoption link?

Thanks xx


----------



## pringle

Hello Ladies 

Can I join you on this thread?

We have got a link today on adoption link today too.
PAR being sent tomorrow. X


----------



## DRocks

I bet we are all linked to the same one lol


----------



## moobags

Hey lovely ladies in some twisted way I feel better knowing that we are all in the same boat and that it validates what our worker is saying about lack of children.

Fingers crossed Disney keep us posted we need a happy update.

All the AL linkers fingers crossed there all different profiles and that you get selected some one has to get matched through the site.

Well another day of waiting it feels like I am stuck on a bus and no matter how many times I press the bell the driver won't stop to let me off silly analogy I know but it's the only way I can explain it.

As always fingers crossed for a positive day.

Moo x


----------



## moobags

Forgot to mention on AL does anyone check their settings to see how often their profile had been viewed ? Reason I ask is ours keeps getting viewed even though we have not made any recent enquiries and no children have come on the site recently with our matching requirements, none of the profiles on hold have come off hold and linked so I am at a loss as to why it is getting viewed any ideas ?


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi
Moobags -I'm not completely sure but I think SW can look at everyone's Profile as some children are not put on the site but families are contacted thorough your SW if they think you are a suitable link ??

Good luck everyone else with their Links x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Moobags i feel like i am on that same bus. All we can do is hold onto the hope that we all will be mummies it just might take some of us longer than others. Hope everyones links turn into something. I have never had any links on adoption link just been put on hold twice xx


----------



## kimmieb

As Disney said wouldn't it be funny (in a not very funny way...) if we are all linked with the same! haha! 

I'm not sure how to check how often our profile is viewed so can't help there - but I guess they are looking to match as well as us so looking at lots of profiles??

xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, well after the high of being approved I hit a low a few weeks ago. My SW said it was normal. I'm feeling much better now and we've been reading profiles of sibling groups.

We've been discussing sets of 3 but after a lot of soul searching we've decided that 3 is too many of us. We also had a brother and sister but sadly the little one had global development delay and his future is very unknown. 

Our SW has now said our profile was picked up by children's social workers of sibling group of 2 and 3 individual children....so fingers crossed we get a match!!

It was weird reading the reports, they are very full on and lots of details enclosed. Now we know what to expect for future reading. 

We did get a sense of guilt when we declined the larger sibling groups but my mum said the kids don't know you've said no, it was so hard.

Hope everyone is well.

X


----------



## kimmieb

Hi Paula, it is hard when you say no but you have to know that they will find their family - the siblings we said no to the other week are now not on adoption uk so they must have been matched...made me feel a bit better.

I asked Adoption Link how many matches have been made and they have said that they have made 150 matches - now I know they haven't been going for very long - approx. a year I think (please correct me if you know more certain) but that seems a lot of matches! 

I hadn't bothered with Adoption UK due to the price especially if we were matched and then didn't need it but I have found it worthwhile - there are support groups, training and children who wait - which does have some different children...one that we are matched with through them are not in BMP or AL...

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

I think so Kim x am on al and joined the forums, but not going to subscribe!

Hope everyone is having a better day xx


----------



## Wendy Dee

Good luck Disney... I've got everything crossed for you   


Hi Pringle... welcome to limboland   


I agree Forgetmenot... £85 for CWW is a bit much so haven't tried it! I signed up to BMP (£9.15) for a month but preferred adoption link. A lot of the children on BMP were already on adoption link.


----------



## pringle

Kimmieb if you go into matching on AL then click into settings it will show you how many times your profile has been viewed.

Thank you Wendy dee 

X


----------



## Forgetmenot

Another week over and no further froward, just some insentive emailing!!

So bake to the drawing board 

Hope everyone who have those glimmer of hopes twinkling are getting brighter xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Same here forgetmenot its been a bad week. Hoping there is some good news on her soon for us all xxxx


----------



## kimmieb

Thanks pringle - our profile has been viewed 61 times since august! 

Hubby had an asthma attack yesterday and had to go on a nebuliser - was so scary as this is the first time I've seen him on one!! He hasn't had one since he was a kid...! All is better now, I worked from home yesterday to look after him but back at work today  

Thank god today is Friday!!!!!!! 

Fingers crossed for everyone with links at the moment that something happens soon - I think we could all do with hearing of a positive match just to re-ignite our faith! 

x x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Kimmie hope dh is doing ok today xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Another week and nothing. Hopefully we will hear something next week eh? Seems like its the same line i say every week. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Oh yea! But a weekend of not obsessing, is good.  Hate waiting, so painful.  Had update email for sw, that enraged me, I just think I am a service user, with feelings, he he... Feeling a bit moany and on the🍸🍹🍷he he!!

I think kimmie and Disney are in the running this week... Hope you ladies are doing ok.

I have spent the day being a little proactive.  Have pimped our profile, so now just waiting for a child to be uploaded to see how effective it is.

There was an advert on ******** today, urgent adopters needed for older children and siblings, so sent a lovely profile and our details..... Nothing!!

So there we go..... a rubbish week.  Take care all FMN xx


----------



## teamug

Kimmie - hope you DH is ok  

We had some good news this week, we have SW's and FF's of a little pink coming to see us, feeling very excited but trying not to be as we have been here before, keeping everything crossed 

Have a good weekend All


----------



## moobags

Brill news teamug when are they coming and how old is little pink fingers crossed for you Mrs x


----------



## teamug

Thanks Moobags, she is 8 and we are waiting on the confirmation on the date either late next week or beginning of the following week! so exciting but have to try so much not to get carried away


----------



## moobags

Fingers crossed all goes well and you are the start of things for this board as it has gone awful quiet on the matching and linking x


----------



## Wyxie

Disneyrocks said:


> Ours is adoption link also, but is a neighbouring LA.
> They actually approached us yesterday and it's been pretty quick since then.


I really hope that this is going to be the one that works out for you.

Wyxie xx


----------



## DRocks

Ahhh thank you x
I've a feeling this is going to be a really long week waiting to find out if we're shortlisted. I'm email watching like a Trojan lol.


----------



## kimmieb

Fingers are crossed for you teamug & Disney! 

Hubby is a bit better - still not 100% but getting there - thanks ladies  

We heard nothing more last week so just got to do some more waiting and seeing!! 

xx


----------



## teamug

Hi All, we have our meeting with little pink's SW's on Friday Eeeek! excited, hope they like us


----------



## Tw1nk82

Im glad your dh is doing better kimmie xxx

Fantastic news teamug so exciting xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxx


----------



## moobags

Great news teamug hope all goes well Friday keeping everything crossed for you.

Kimmie so pleased your DH is doing better have you met with your SW yet ?

No news for us SW is off for two weeks so can't see any progress being made.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Wow fingers crossed for you on Friday Teamug  

Our meeting with our sw is a week Friday - no other news regarding links, we know we're not going to hear about the sisters for another week or so but not heard anything about the single girl  

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi, just catching up on the news... Been throwing up last two evenings . Back to work itus!!

I don't want to be there.... Fingers crossed today will be ok!!

Our sw back in today, so I am sure we will hear nothing, though have expressed some interest.... And copied her in to lots of emails, so hopefully not too annoyed.  A couple of our local LAs have been advertising on ********, has anyone else seen this for adopters.... Urgent need for siblings etc.... I emailed and phoned, and no reply.... Love it!!

Anyway, hope all is well.  FMN xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Forgetmenot hope the sickness has stopped and work isnt too bad today for you. I know the feeling i hate my job too. Im sick of hearing on the radio about adopters are needed blah blah this is not the case we are still waiting and we want siblings. It really winds me up. My sw will be back in today but not expecting to hear anything from her. Still waiting on the feedback on why we were never chosen for the boy abd girl. If its something i can change i want to know. She is coming to see us next thursday but i really cant be bothered with her.

Ah well lets hope there is good news this week. At least the sun is out xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Twink, you sound like me.  I am ok (well not really) that they went with the other couple, but the feedback was hard to swallow.  It was all stuff they didn't explore with us during the meeting, that is patantly clear in our par.  Our social worker was shocked, but there's not a lot you can do.  Like you, you want to do your best and improve for next time, but really, it's hard.  All the way through training teachers have been looked down on, like we know it all etc, so we never play on this, so that is hard.  I don't think being a teacher makes us good candidates, however, dH works with some of the most complex kids in the UK in a special school and doing some consultancy work now, so we do have some idea..... However, they felt we didn't convey this.... So it's hard to know what they want.  They wanted people who had experience of hardship with the parents of these children... So who knows... We focused on the child, emphasised about the parents and looked at the future.  I think some sw have their own ideas, and they chose whose best. Sadly not always meant to go our way, and now, maybe it's the right thing now less raw.  I just don't like wisshy  washy, say we liked the other couple better, fact.  Not make you feel inadequate!!
I think I have waffled here!
My biggest gripe at the moment, is that our sw is supposed to be our support as a service user and supposed to be supporting our wellbeing, and I think this gets over looked.  I know people are stretched, I sm in my job but would be failing my department if I didn't check in on everyone..... So alas another week.
I am feeling more chilled and resigned myself for a wait.  I won't hassle now until May half term when we will request another meeting..... And our deadline set.....
But who knows.... We could all get some lovely phone calls today  xx


----------



## Primmer

So heartbroken right now, looks like our link with little blue which has been in place since feb is going to fall through. We met with his sw and our sw yesterday and they believe that he is no longer in a position to be placed due to difficulties he is having, they have estimated maybe 6 months but cannot say for sure. In addition new issues have been discovered with little one which now mean that he will be hard to place and there will be a high risk of a disruption to placement if it were to go ahead.
Our agency have advised that we start looking at other profiles, although they admit that they don't have any for us to look at.
It's all just so sad, I feel like my world has been turned upside down as was expecting to find out yesterday when our matching panel date was and instead it looks like it's all fallen through!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Oh no primmer im so sorry to hear this  xxxxx


----------



## kimmieb

Oh Primmer that's so hard to hear - I can't imagine how you are feeling right now??

Are you able to appeal they're decision saying that it is better for them to be in a stable home (Obviously don't know the circumstances on why they have said this so this may not be possible...) 

I know that friends of ours that adopted had it all agreed and like you they were just waiting for the matching date and then it nearly all fell through (the birth grandparents appealed!!! Again!!) but they did end up with a successful match 

x x x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Ah Primmer, very, very tough. I am so sorry to hear that. If the sws could anticipate the placement disrupting at this stage then it seems it could be a real risk, which would be just so horribly awful. X


----------



## DRocks

We didn't get shortlisted


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's so good to be back with you ladies.... I have missed you and the life line.... Shows how valuable our support is.

Primmer and Disney, feel so bad for you.  It's gutting...... It's another chip away.  

Thinking of you both x hope everyone else is ok x


----------



## DRocks

Trying to think of it as another step closer to our little one x


----------



## Forgetmenot

So true DR x Its a much better way of looking at it.

Can't believe another week has passed so quickly xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

disneyrocks sorry to hear your news xxxx

Another week done and nothing. Just got told today that my best friend is pregnant again. i am so happy for her but feel sad for myself at the same time. im hoping we will get some news soon then it can be our time to announce xxx


----------



## teamug

Morning All, wow I have missed you guys ! 

Primmer - so very sorry to hear your news that is similar to what happened with us we had 3 months of visits with SW, Dr, School. Matching panel was booked and then they decided it would be best to keep the girls in long term foster care, it is so hard sending out big hugs to you  

Disney - Very sorry to hear your news too, its really hard to keep getting knocked back    

Well on the up for us for a change - we had our meeting yesterday which went very well, they went away and then came back half an hour later and told us they really like us and would like to progress !!  so very happy here just got to wait on time line now of things happening hoping this time we have found our daughter    and nothing will go wrong   enjoy your weekend all


----------



## Forgetmenot

Jacks girl - what is the potential link?

We had a difficult week..... and conversations.  We have been linked with a large sibling group and shortlisted for a pair.  I am fully aware none of these might not come off, but they seem really positive.

Both sets of cprs read ok.... as far as they ever do, however, don't know what to do.  Need to focus on one set really, but I am unsure.  I am drawn to the larger group and less to the others, but the two would make more sense.  They are right ages too.

I also feel quite nervous now, and I think that's because these could be a reality and arghhhhh!!  We spend so long waiting and then deciding is really hard.... probably nothing will come of any of it!!

Hope everyone else is ok.... thank goodness for Sunday's and make a roastie xx


----------



## teamug

Jacks Girl - she is 8   good luck with your link  

Forgetmenot - wow large sibling group! good luck 

Time for Sunday Roast cooking, hope you all have a good day and look forward to Monday and some good news


----------



## kimmieb

Wow Teamug! Fingers crossed for you!!!

FMN - How exciting...when you say large group how many are you talking about

We've received a CPR for the 2 girls, DH is focussing on finding work/building his own business so isn't interested at the moment so I'm doing the searching on my own until I find something I really want...I don't think it is going to be these girls...the younger one sounds perfect but there are aspects of the older one that worries me - I've asked our SW to find more info out so that we can say if we want to meet - also we would be up against 2/3 other couples!!!! 

Still no news regarding the single pink...I really liked her from the profile and pics...

We have a meeting with our SW on Friday afternoon to talk about DH's job (or lack of) and talk through our options....it's going to be a tough meeting I think!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks teamug and kimmie!

I am not sure. Really like the four, but if head ruling heart should go for two!  We might not even be picked. Our sw out until thurs so nothing can happen which is annoying as the waiting goes on.

How is everyone else? Another day alas of phone checking for us all and mines already on 37% obsessed or what?! Xx


----------



## moobags

Morning ladies sorry I have been quiet I am ill at the mo with flu feel like absolute 💩

Teamug everything crossed for you.

Kimmie hopefully you got get things resolved and have a good chat with SW as to how to progress with things.

FGMN it's so hard to not let your heart rule your head but you got to think what's best for the kiddies and you and DH four is a lot to take on I think you would be very brave.

Jacksgirl have they given you any idea as to when they will decide on your link ? How old is little one ?

Well I have just contacted our agency to check to see if our worker is back this week from being off sick and have been told no maybe next week they will know more Thursday/Friday can't help but feel we are just being left dangling again.

Hope this weeke is a productive one for us all.

Love and luck to all and hello to all I have missed.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all...  Just wanted a little advice from those who have been shortlisted before....

We have been shortlisted for a sibling group, this was last Thursday.  We have cprs etc.  We want to pursue, but sw away until urs day, a whole week later.  Concerned if don't let children's sw know, we will miss out, or are they obligated?

What do you think we should do?

Have phone charger at the ready.... On the vague chance she does respond to her email prior to that, you would think they would want "me" off their books, I know I would!!! Just don't get why things don't move.  We prob won't get them as will be competitive again, but if lost before we even start, then it's not right.

How is everyone else doing?

Jacks - have you got cpr yet?  How is she?

Kimmie - a buisness venture sounds exciting, but typical on timing.  I would have loved to give up teaching buy now and do something new, but been hanging in their for years waiting for my maternity pay!!

Teamug - any updates?

Disney & twink - how are you both doing? Anything else in pipeline?

We are still looking, the numbers on adoption link dropped loads yesterday . Good for the kiddies, not so for us waiting.

Have a lovely day all.  Take care FMN xx


----------



## kimmieb

Is there nobody else you can let know FMN?? When our SW is on leave we have our Family Finder...and if she is off then their manager is in contact with us - or we can contact her if we find something on AL, CWW, BMP.....

x x


----------



## Wendy Dee

Hi Forgetmenot... Do the CPRs have the contact details for the child's social workers If so, you could maybe send a quick email saying that you are delighted to be shortlisted and know that your social worker will be in touch in due course but as she is away at the moment you just wanted to be sure that they know as soon as possible that you are very interested in pursuing the link.


----------



## Wendy Dee

Also... if the link is via adoption link then you can contact the child's social worker/ family finder easily via the site x


----------



## Forgetmenot

I think my sw would not like that at all!!

I would love to do that..... but?!  We had a 'discussion' last week and was like it will be viewed as not having a good relationship!  Damned either way xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's through our consortium!


----------



## kimmieb

I'd of thought you emailing them and copying in your SW and just saying - our SW is on leave but we wanted you to know that we are interested in progressing this link, our SW will be in contact on her return...


----------



## Primmer

Thanks everyone for your messages and hugs, it really helps to know there are others who understand what it's like to go through this.

Going through it at the moment as got really bad migraine which caused temporary paralysis and ended up in the hospital yesterday but all checked over and on new medication so hopefully on the mend.

Good luck to those who are waiting to hear on potential links xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Primmer, crumbs take extra care of yourself.

FMN why don't you email but make it clear that you are only doing so bc your sw is on hols. When I have to do things professionally which is essentially a criticism or I am being all tactful I use expressions like "no discourtesy is intended" "you will appreciate that I am simply doing this to". Good luck!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Still waiting to hear back... If I have not heard by lunch I will email.  I don't want to miss out.

Process sure does test our patience xx

How's everyone else...? Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Just phoned in my free and in a meeting.  No more frees and I finish school at 3.25 and she finished at 3,

So no updates today  so upset x


----------



## moobags

Oh FGN that's rubbish does you SW ever do any work she never see,s to be around.

Moo x


----------



## kimmieb

Can you email her FMN??


----------



## Primmer

FMN - really hope you hear something soon as it's horrible waiting x


----------



## moobags

Primmer how are you feeling ?

Well ladies I were keeping it under wraps that we had a meeting with a LO's social worker arranged as our previous meeting got cancelled but yet again bad luck striker another meeting cancelled family member has come forward to be assessed throwing a spanner in the works what gets me is where was this family member at the start of all this.

So back to square one again our deadline for giving up is fast approaching just logged onto AL to see that the numbers have dropped again which is great for kiddies but is hard for us still waiting.

FMN hopefully your social worker will be in touch tomorrow.

Hi to Disney, kimmieb, jacksgirl, tea mug, think and anyone else I have missed.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Have emailed... Have called!!

So frustrating and they wonder why we are not good at waiting.  We work at complete opposites of days.... She works school hours so do I!!  So stuffed every time x

Gutted for you moobags x

They always keep us dangling  x


----------



## kimmieb

Our sw emailed us yesterday asking if we were still OK to meet Friday...erm yes we arranged it!! Then said she needed to leave by 2.15 - and our meeting was arranged for 1 so did we want to start it earlier....errrr yes, I don't want to be rushing through stuff thanks very much!! So now I'm leaving work extra early to get home for 12 - luckily I'd worked through my lunch Monday and Tuesday so work were fine with this otherwise I'd have to take the whole day not just the afternoon!! 

How bloody annoying Moo! Where do these family members pop up from?!?!?! Like seriously!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

x x x


----------



## teamug

Hi All

Primmer - hope you are feeling better soon  

Every stage here seems to be so frustrating, we are now waiting on some dates and what happens next, think we get to meet Foster Carers, school and Dr next as this is what happened last time we were at this stage, and a date for MP should be sorted too, it's hard not being the ones in control, e mail watching all day long, hoping to hear something by the end of the week.

Hello to everyone else, hope you all have a good week


----------



## Forgetmenot

We have heard we have been shortlisted again for a competitive link.  I am not sure.  Finding it hard to make up my mind and getting upset that I don't feel these are the ones, but equal don't feel they aren't.  They aren't how I pictured them, nor do they really reflect dH and I ( I know they are not ours, but didn't know if I meeded them outwardly to look like they could be.... But I think it is that what is affecting my ability to decide ). They are cute, just different to us.  This is fine as clearly adopted!  Really hard dh thinks there the ones.  I think they read well, great ages etc, but not excited.  Now is it because I don't want to be, scared of being turned down, not believing it will happen, or now feeling like this could be it.... And I am scared of the reality.  Of something I have waited so long for wont live up to mine and everyone's expectations.  I know it will be different and hard... I think I am panicking.  It's so hard to pick the rest of your life from a photo and a report.  

I know I sound moany, and I have been banging on about not getting anywhere and another real positivity..... So why am I stalling? Dh and I fell out about it... He's trying not to say much as not to influence me, but that in itself is annoying me as he isn't really listening to me.  I would be upset if she said they weren't meeting us now...... But haven't sent and email to say yay really excited (though sw organising date).

Sorry for the ramble, didn't want to put it out there as feel insentive, but struggling with decision making!!

Another long weekend ahead ladies, hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Primmer

FMN - think it's understandable the way you feel, you have been let down a few times and that must make you reluctant to get excited about a potential link. Hope you hear something soon next week and that you feel reassured when you do.


----------



## moobags

fGMN primmer is right you are going to be hesitant you have had lots of bumps and hurdles to get over your bound to be holding back.  It is like you say seeing a picture and reading a report to decide on your possible future is huge all you can do is gather information speak to the social workers and get to know a little more about them who's to say the picture could be months out of date and young children change so much that the next pic you see you may feel different again.

Teamug have you had any update on meeting ?

Kimmie how did your meeting go ?

Jacksgirl have you got a date or anything booked ?

Disney what is happening with you I have lost track a little ?

Hi to anyone I have missed you.

AFM nothing to report we are back to square one there is an issue with the little girl we were being visited for and not sure when it will be resolved.  I say we are back to square one but it feels like we are at the end I have no fight left in me DH has completely shut down and has said he won't even engage with the workers after this latest diasspointment and I must say I have lost all motivation too can't even be bothered to view any profiles on AL etc as nothing comes of them and there are very few littlies as they all get snapped up in house. I think for us to consider another link it would need to be something pretty concrete and not competitive and have to tick every box.

Feels like I am just treading water waiting for the next 40 years to pass sorry for moaning but reality is starting to hit home that for us it's not gonna happen .

Have a wonderful weekend ladies an extra day so let's hope the sun is shining.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs moo x you have been through a tough time x

Thank moo and primmer, pretty much there, spent a lot of time talking, internet stalking, reading and pretty much there.  Just scared to put faith in again to get disappointed with the competition, but we have to... There's no option, so will let them know on Tuesday. Gulp!

Good luck with the house buying jacks girl x

Hope everyone is well x


----------



## kimmieb

Hello,

Hope you all had a nice long weekend - I feel I only had one day off (worked Saturday and then did a day trip to France using my free ticket so visited where I work Saturday and Sunday!!!) 

So, we had our meeting with our SW on Friday afternoon...and she was brilliant.

We explained that DH no longer had a job and that he was struggling to focus on adoption stuff and finding a job and general stresses we both have going on and she suggested taking a little break....so that's what we're doing. We are taking a 3 month break to get ourselves back on our feet so that we can both feel better about the options we have with adoption.  In the 3 months we can re-evaluate what we are looking for and be more committed (my DH is very much like moobags in that he has no motivation due to the disappointment we have experienced) 

Of course if we are ready earlier than 3 months we can and our SW said she will email us periodically to see how we are doing - more as a friendly hello than are you ready yet! haha! 

Our SW said this could show is in good light that we have acknowledged that the pressure along with everything else going on is too much and we need to get everything else under control before we become our family - I was worried it would show weakness but she doesn't believe this to be the case  

So, to properly break myself away from looking at children and trying to chill out a bit for the next couple of months I am going to log off after today otherwise I'm just going to keep looking.

Good luck to all you ladies and I hope in the nicest way that when I return you have all been very lucky and are on your way to having your little family  

Thank you all for your support in the last few months - I'm really not sure I would have got to even this point without your words of encouragement and allowing me to just moan every now and then (or more often than that!!) 

x   x   x  x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well, after a lovely birthday, brought down to earth with a crash this morning.

We are not even meeting kids sw.... So after a week of soul searching, and a weekend of being excited and dreaming about life with the kids...

Dream over.

We are at a cross roads.... Every road dead end, every link and nothing.  Our sw is we will get there, but just have her walking in our shoes for just one day.

Have been sat in car crying... Dh is so annoyed, he says I will be mental in 3 months, I thought harsh! As not just upset and angry!!!!

Want to muster the courage to ask of can go home... Really can't face school.... Will be looked on not very favourably!

Don't know what to do with life x it sucks xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Kimmie so sorry did read x think it's great and glad you have a
Way forward xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

I haventbeen on for a while as been trying to take a little time out.

I think you are doing the right thing kimmie and taking a break. It gives you and dh time just you together and its less stressful. Take care xxxx

Forgetmenot im so sorry for you again it all sucks. I know its no consolation but i feel your pain and we are going through the same heartache too. If you need to chat pm me xxxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxxx


----------



## moobags

Kimmie you may have logged off by now but I think it will probably be the best thing you do by the time you are settled and rejuvenated things will have hopefully started moving in the adoption world.

I was thinking and maybe I am totally way of the mark but back in November there was a statement from Martin Neary I believe that put some perspective in place with regards to the B & S case and that SW's should be confident in going to court for PO's our VA relayed this to us and said things should start to improve and that we should start to see some movement now that was approximately five months ago so maybe with paperwork. Court days and the timeframe that only social services seem to work to hopefully in the next couple of months more profiles will start to appear as things catch up as I said I am probably way off the mark and it's all just wishful thinking.  

Also another thing I found is that pre approved adopters can join AL so maybe this is inflating the adopter/child ratio on that site as the stats show 2003 adopters and 624 children.

Nothing is happening for us other than we are getting closer to our cut off point there hasn't been a profile on adoption link with our requirements on for nearly a month so hope is fading fast.

A turn of good fortune is needed fed up of feeling like the lonely loser at the school disco that no one wants to dance with.

Praying for miracles for us waiters.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs moo x


----------



## moobags

Right back at you fGMN you have had a $h!t day hope you have picked up a bottle of vino xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Much crying was done at work in the car!!

Failed all my classes today as was just cr*p!!

Spent most of the day with red eyes 

We are gutted x not sure how many more times we can do this... Asked for feedback and there was none...  Ridiculous, hubby is so upset xx


----------



## Primmer

Moo - so sorry to hear your news, this journey is just so hard and at times it appears that there is no end in sight and that makes it things very difficult to cope with.

FMN - so sorry that you are not being considered, without any feedback it is difficult to see what if anything they preferred about another couple which makes it even harder to take. This part of the journey is so painful and difficult, sending hugs your way.

Still struggling with our link seemingly fallen through, it's been over two weeks and in that time our family finder has had no other children to show us at all which makes it even harder as I feel like the blue we were linked with was our one chance and now we will never be parents. It doesn't help that we have now been approved 6 months and couples from our prep course who were approved about the same time have their little ones at home with them and those that were approved after are at matching panel or introduction stage and we seem to have been left behind.


----------



## Forgetmenot

We are in that position too.... It's like all of your friends again that have had kids and moved on......

They are at the next stage of life, dealing with teenagers and wanting to go out again!!

The adoption circle you were going to be part of with your kiddies has moved on is even mo difficult to bare!

Sorry to hear primmer xx


----------



## moobags

So sorry to hear primmer.

We purposefully didn't exchange contact with any of the people on our prep course purely because we didn't want to feel left behind although it does drive me mad not knowing if they are matched or not I suppose in a way it's reassuring to know that people are getting matched but then disheartening as you honk what is wrong with us.

Think I have asked this before but just wondered has anybody been given a copy of their PAR ? All we have is a copy with amendments on that we had to make and send back to our worker we don't have a signed copy is this normal or is it just another item on the long list of things our worker has failed to do.

Hope all you waiters that are a little quiet are ok and that things are moving we so need a positive story on this board to give us all a ray of hope.

Moo x


----------



## Forgetmenot

We asked for a copy of ours moo so we could reflect and prepare for link meeting.  They weren't happy to hand over, but did once I said it was our life, our info.....

I don't think they want us to have it and send out or upload lol!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well Monday morning and sorry to moan.... iF/adoption are lonely place, forums or real life!!
Just tried to talk with my mum who just doesn't get it...
Can't decide what to do with work, what I will lose and gain re sanity!
Or just how long this wait will be.  Feel awful as just been horrible, but I just wish my mum would get it and just make the right noises I know she can't make it right!!
Just struggling with what to do for the best...
Realistically, this is going to take awhile, in the meantime will get fired for being crap!!
But would like my benefits having worked for 15 years solid through everything!!
Don't know how to switch off from adoption....
We have had a weekend of tears and soul searching, plans to move, plans to stay, plans to adopt and plans to move on.... There is no right or wrong answer and as mum would say only you ca decide.... I get that but... Xx

Anyway sorry for the moan first thing.... Me mostly these days lol xx


----------



## Primmer

FMN - it's so difficult isn't it. We went to a family event yesterday and everyone there seemed to have kids and I met people who I hadn't seen for years and they had had kids in that time. I had a cry in the toilets and we left shortly after the event itself finished as it was just too hard. I too am struggling with my job at the moment, I have been thinking I would be on adoption leave by now and that after a years leave I would return part time and then maybe leave all together. Instead it looks like I am stuck here and I am really not enjoying it at the moment and as boss knows about adoption I am not getting passed any good jobs to do and so it's hard to feel motivated! 
I have sent my sw and her manager an email today to say 3 weeks since link fell through and we seen no other profiles and have been checking websites etc and asking them for some input on anything else we can do as just feeling so down about it all.


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies Monday again.

Nothing for us to report SW is back from sick leave not that will make any difference we have decided to not make any contact with her as to what she is doing (which is generally zilch) only time we will email is if we make an enquiry through AL, CWW, BMP etc not getting myself worked up about her lack of support calling meetings speaking with her manager has got us nowhere in the past.  She never even said "sorry to hear your meeting with potential link got cancelled while I was away" that would at least have been some form of acknowledgement.

For us we are just letting things tick by like my DH said its like having a gym membership and deciding not to go but you know if you want to your a paid up meme her so the option is their.  It's a bit of a weird analogy but I get what he means.

Love to all hope your doing as well as can be expected when sat waiting.

Moo x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi Everyone

Have been reading the posts but haven't written anything as still haven't got anything to report ! 
I moan all to the time to my sister (she is very understanding and says all the right things !!) my mum asked the other day if we were still adopting ?? Yes - oh really ..... 

Had our year Review and met our new SW seems very nice but time will tell . Have to redo our Medicals as for the second time they are out of date but we said not paying again to we get a match as probably be out of date again ! We have started doing some work to the house so SW was worried about Health and Safety  Got skip and bricks in the garden but said once we get a match we will sort. 

Thinks we should be more proactive on Adoption Link - said we check it every day but having a child already rules us out of a lot of the children. Much debate about The National Adoption Register got told we can look at it - no we can't - yes you can ?! - no we can't !!!! 

Feel like we are no further forward and just playing the waiting game some days easier than others.

Hope everyone else is ok x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks primmer, I know how hard that is.  We bailed on easter due to that reason!  We can't even go to adoption meet up now as last time ended in the loos crying as everyone linked or with child!

Did you get any feedback from sw?  We asked ours for advise, as had a number of links, but we clearly are missing something, she said nothing.... You are fine, just might not be what they are looking for..... Not most helpful, when we are the sort of people who want to be proactive and sort.  Guess something's you can't as innate, and you have to trust that they know what they are looking for.  Am back to work today, took yesterday off.... Will be getting fired at this rate!!

Mog bags, hang in there. Love you dH analogy.... Sounds like my gym membership... Currently been sponsoring it for at least a year now and only been for a handful of swims!!

Becky your fam sound like ours. At half term, we are telling them all we aren't doing it any more.  I can't handle their expectation and not only the disappointment ourselves, but there's.... Does my head on!!  Hope she speeds up her search for you.  Hard when you have a kiddie waiting too as had to build them up for it.

How is everyone else.....

Happier times ahead ladies, one way or another, for now, the sun is shining and we don't live in Nepal.  We do all have a lot to be thankful for.... Keep trying to tell myself this.  Nice home, a lovely dh (most of the time), food on our tables, and a life to lead..... Not all have this (no consolation though x) oh and 8 days til half term    xx


----------



## DRocks

No personals sorry, but just listened to this from today http://bbc.in/1K5Utk4 it seems to start just before 1 hour 30 min in.

/links


----------



## moobags

Disney I listened to this it's about 1hr 45 in I think 

Was hoping someone one was going to say fear not waiters there is an influx of children coming your way....well one can dream


----------



## Primmer

Well it's Monday morning again, we are waiting to find out whether a LA wants to visit us about a pink but as yet we haven't heard anything. Keeping fingers crossed and constantly checking email on phone!


----------



## DRocks

Good luck Primmer x

I feel flat, empty of any emotion about this whole adoption thing.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing ok. Im in a stinker of a mood. We got down to the last two again. Im sick of hearing it was very close the only reason they went with the other family is blah blah blah. I dont know how much more rejection we will have to go through. Im sorry for the rant xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Twink we are there with you x so sorry it sucks when there is nothing concrete about you or so they say xx


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## Tw1nk82

It does suck big time forgetmenot. How are you doing? Xxxx


----------



## Primmer

Twink - so sorry - its just so rubbish!!!!! xx


----------



## moobags

Oh twink sorry to hear that it's rubbish isn't it.

Nothing really for us to report we have a profile to look at but just not feeling a draw or pull to LO not sure if it's because we have hardened ourselves through constant disappointment and don't want to invest again.

Sick of hearing no children in the system mantra from our SW birth parents/birth families haven't suddenly started getting their acts together 

Halfway through the week already   and our deadline date looms


----------



## Miny Moo

Moobags, no birth families haven't started getting their acts together it's the courts that are just not granting placement orders at the moment, the sad thing is that these children are going to bounce back into the care system at a later date with even more trauma and damage caused!!!!


----------



## Tw1nk82

OMG I cannot believe it. We have just been told that we have been chosen for a little boy and that they want to come and visit us in a couple of weeks. My emotions are all over the place at the minute. Im so sorry for the me post and im hoping this is the start of good luck on this thread for us all xxxx


----------



## moobags

Wow twink is this a different LO to yesterday ? great news are you the only ones how exciting how old is he fingers crossed it's such a roller coaster yesterday was a stinker of a day for you and today the sun is shining let's hope this is the start of things for everyone.

We got a few enquiries but nothing happening with them we just have to wait which I am soooo not good at lol.

Hi to all hope you are all doing well.

Moo x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Moo yes this is the same LO from yesterday we are apparently first choice now so only us. I really dont understand how this all works but i am on cloud nine at the minute. He is 12 months old xxx


----------



## Primmer

Twink - that is great news, keeping my fingers crossed for you xx


----------



## moobags

That's great I am with you don't know how it all works one day they say one thing the next they say something else.

Fingers crossed for a smooth link and matching from now on is it with your LA.

Still waiting on the few enquiries we have out there but with it being half term we are not expecting to hear a dickie bird as with all things adoption it's a waiting game.

When are they visiting if they get a move on and everything goes to plan you could feasibly have him home for the mid to late summer lots of lovely walks and picnics in the park.

There are the odd profiles popping up on the sites unfortunately for every profile there are innumerate number of adopters waiting in the wings still at least there is some movement and profiles are coming through in dribs and drabs.

The last day of email checking tomorrow for a few days.

Love and luck all

Moo x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Is anyone using adoption uk?


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Adoption link I meant


----------



## Tw1nk82

Paula i am registered on adoption uk but all my enquires have either been declined or put on hold. Hopefully other people have had more success xx


----------



## Primmer

I am registered on adoption link and have enquired about quite a few children over the last 6 months but my enquiries are normally declined or if not put on hold but it must work for some so I do keep looking and do still enquire.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well after more pointless meetings, we are still waiting.

We are thinking of changing agency and going back through the process.  We are in a small la, and in hindsight, shouldn't have gone through them, as most children can't be placed within our area, so looking outside of the LA, and we all know that la's like to place in house where possible, so not likely to get a link any time soon.

We have asked about working relatinshops with other authorities but seems ad hoc.  Hope ing the new adoption Bill might help us, but won't come into play for awhile.

Still struggling with the wait, when everyone we know in this game is moving on with their families, so once again on the periphery and once again the weird couple, lurking at every kid event, with people making polite conversation, thinking what are you doing here without any kiddies!!

Back to work Monday..... And ready to start making an effort, need to succeed somewhere in life right now!!

Hope everyone else is hanging in there, and have some tentative news, they will soon be ready to share.  Much hugs and lucky vibes xx


----------



## Nieta

FMN I've been following your story for a little while and can feel the frustration through your words. It's so hard to stay positive following setback after setback. Glad you've realised that a change of agency might help although the thought of starting over must be hard. I admire how you keep pushing forward though and making an effort at work might help to shift your focus as well. There's probably nothing anyone can say to make it easier for you at the moment (unless it's a sw with 'you've been linked') but know that there are plenty of people here rooting for you.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you so much... It's not just me, so many people in our boat.

Just hope everyone gets their happy endings xx


----------



## moobags

Hey ladies hope you are all well

Paula we are on AL have had lots of declines and numerous on hold have had some links but for varies reasons none have progressed.  We have registered with CWW and BMP but I wouldn't bother so much with those as most of the children are on AL.  It's a great website as it gives you a small sense of control but it's also hard getting decline after decline.

Nothing really for us to report got a few outstanding enquiries but they are all competitive and no information has really been exchanged as yet.

FGMN think a change maybe the right path I know from our conversations your social worker is rubbish it's so frustrating for you sending hugs Mrs.

Moo x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Gone a little quiet and just wondering how everyone was doing ?
We are still waiting ?? No link, No match, Nothing !!! Trying to stay positive but it's hard some days  

Hope some of you have got good news - please share !! 

Beckyboo x


----------



## moobags

Still hear still waiting although doubt it will be for much longer we have three outstanding enquires if nothing comes of them think we are going to call it a day just can't take the stress or the heartache any longer.

Hope there is good news to appear on this board soon for all.

Moo x


----------



## Primmer

We are still here too, approved over 6 months and still waiting. Since our link with little blue fell through i am finding it difficult although we do have a SW and her manager coming to meet us and our SW this Thursday about a pink. I am not really feeling excited but I think it's mostly due to the upset of previous link falling through and trying to protect ourselves a bit I think. I hope that when we hear more about her we will feel more and know if it's right for us.


----------



## DRocks

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling, I'm going through a calm patch at the moment which is quite a relief. I'm really focusing on my September cruise and it's lovely to have a distraction. Plus the change in weather and getting out every day in the garden with the minding children is lovely.
Also our sewing business is growing by the day, so we both work alternate days upstairs sewing which makes the weeks wiz by.

We have been approached by our LA to seriously consider foster to adopt, they think we are excellent candidates and after some weeks of serious thought we have decided to consider babies on this basis also.
There seems to be some big changes happening in our LA since the election and I hope this means things for everyone here will start moving forward.

Hang in their guys, get some holidays planned and force your head out of this adoption waiting bubble once in a while, I'm joking btw as I know this isn't possible, hence me here on a Sunday typing.

Big hugs to you all x x x x x, just remember one day we we all be able to read back on this thread and breath a sigh it's all over.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Pleased you are feeling more settle Disney!  What's your sewing business?  I just made a teepee ( for my niece and nephew, secretly hoping it will be for mine! But may need to pass it on as they like playing with it!! )
I think the closer to summer hols I get the calmer I will feel..... Summer holidays no work, I can breath.  Hard managing work and adoption!
We are still waiting, had glimpses of hope and then dashed again so we will see.
Has gone very quiet n here of all us disillusioned ones!!  Don't mean that horribly but you know what I mean!
Hope everyone's well, take care FMN xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

We've got a potential link for sibling group of 3 and another for a pink.

The little pinks SW has asked to read our PAR, she is out of area.

Our SW sent us the profile of the sibling group.

After reading a few profiles we felt excited that the ones this week have felt good and potential match.

I'm guessing our LA would prefer to match the sibling group which we approved for 

We are upbeat today


----------



## Primmer

Paula - that all sounds positive!


----------



## AoC

Good luck, Paula, that sounds good!

We enquired on a child on Adoption Link, and had it declined in minutes, but it was a very nice and supportive decline, saying they were looking closer to home, which we suspected, and which we're fine with.    Was rather nice just to be doing something, tbh.


----------



## moobags

Hey ladies 

Jack I know the feeling of things grinding to a hault its so frustrating hopefully things will get moving soon I don't think this time of year helps either as people are starting to go on holiday hang in there once the wheels start turning again your link may move really quickly.

What is the ** support is it a private group and would my friends be able to see I have joined ? For us the adoption is not public knowledge we want to wait till we are placed etc before going public (not that we would make a grand announcement) but if there is a ******** group I would be interested in joining if possible.

Paula sounds great sib group of three fingers crossed for you.

AoC it drives me mad the instant decline on AL we have had so many they don't even look at your profile.  We noticed someone had viewed our profile the other day when a couple of little ones were added but we didn't make an enquiry for them I think a few weeks ago I would have done but I knew that we would either be put on hold or declined so I didn't bother.

Disney I would love to go on a cruise but hubby worked on a ship for many years so is not keen on the idea said he has been there and wore the t-shirt so doubt I will be setting sail anytime soon lol.

Hi to FMN, primer, beckyboo and all you other waiters and lurkers 

AFU - we have been linked to a sib group and a little boy and have to decide who we want to pursue a visit with as our worker said we can't do both.  Really drawn to the sib group ages 2 & 1 but scared that it's too much for me to take on a sib group was never in our original matching requirements I am really drawn to them just have a million things going through my mind like what if one isn't feeling well and the other is full of beans how do I manage that, trying to keep both entertained, how to cope with shopping, going to the park etc I k ow I may sound loony but all these little things are keeping me awake at night I just want to be able to do the best for these boys and to make them happy and secure.

I guess I am having a bit of a freak out I want to pursue the boys as I am drawn to them but the singly would practically fit better.

Moo X


----------



## Primmer

Moobags - I think all these fears are natural, we wait so long waiting for a possible link then when one or two come along a panic tends to set in but that doesn't necessary mean it's the wrong link for us just that we are thinking through all the possible angles to make sure it's right.


----------



## bulmer

Moonbags, don't be put off the idea of a sibling group, it's hard work but worth it.  I have 2 pinks, they were 1 and 3 when they moved in and I wouldn't change them for the world.  There are times when they were first placed that I thought I was mad but you learn to cope. You can guarantee one will get ill when the other is full of life and just as one gets over it the other gets ill but that's life. They will get jealous of each other and squabble but that's siblings. When they play together they are so much fun and are much braver when they have each other than when they are on their own. They settled so quickly I could hardly believe it and I genuinely feel that it's because they had each other. The rewards of siblings can be so worth it.


----------



## smithc

hi i feel for you all i am not a female but me and my wife understand your pain we where aproved 12 months ago and then we lost a child due to the adoption soicial  worker reject us on the grounds my wife could not have time of work the lack of support is crazy they upset me to a point of no return when we lost this child. all i can say is be strong i end up i alot of trouble and had to go for counciling learn from my story and we had ivf before this so  i am here to share my story


----------



## Forgetmenot

Having a mare at work.  Spoke to head re possible match and if it goes ahead it will move quickly.  Saw her yesterday and she tried to wipe the floor with me.  I stood my ground, but she will be inflexible and work to the letter of the law which she doesn't agree with, hardly my fault.  I just sat there wanting to cry.  I am on the cusp of making the biggest decision of my life, I am anxious that I will leave school short, but I a, trying to cope.  I was told how they have been "supportive".... I was like I have been "supported" in having time off to go to a few meetings, that's it.  Anyway it wasn't pleasant and I thought if I was prg sat here wanting to go off early, it would be an issue, they couldn't complain.  To make matters worse if we now don't go ahead, life will be hell.  I had to say something, as it would move that quickly.... So damned either way.  This way if it goes ahead no day off before intros, thank you. Why is it always so hard.  We are flipping between yes we can do this, no we can't..... And now I have the added pressure of work... Anyone else had similar, or advise? Xxx


----------



## AoC

Ugh, sorry, no useful advice, just symapthies.  She wants a good slapping.

I did have a lot of stress when I went off, as we were having a massive re-organisation and my job was disappearing.  All I can say is focus on intros and your LO(s), because you will cease to worry about work when your life changes like this.  What seems huge now will barely even leave memories.

Although I do remember having a huge, blubbering meltdown all over one of the most senior directors of our large organisation at one point... ;-)

(((((((hugs))))))))

Just keep swimming.  They can't actually stop this wonderful thing from happening for you.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Had a link meeting yesterday re a little boy we thought it went really well and so did our SW but unfortunately our LA do competitive matching so they visited the other family today and just got the phone call to tell us we were the unsuccessful ones  

So upset and gutted really thought after waiting all this time this was our turn !! But not to be  ...
Got feedback why we weren't chosen but things we can't physically change about us !!! 

This is so hard feel we are never going to get "picked" !

Hope everyone else ok x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becky that's so hard, we have been there, all went well, but then went with someone else.
It's gutting.  You want feedback and obviously you don't get anything productive..... You don't know anything about the other people, nor what they are looking for on planet adoption.  We took our knock hard, very hard if I am honest.... But after a week, picked ourselves up and got on it again.  I know it's so so hard, and feel for you massively.  Much hugs lovely xx

Thanks aoc and jacks xx


----------



## smithc

hi Becky 

i feel for you  we was there in october last year lost a child just like this and it sent us nutts hang in there 

lots of love x


----------



## Jacks girl

Awww Becky hugs to you huni that's really unbelievable pants   take care of yourself   xxxx


----------



## moobags

Becky sending you hugs too.

Not sure how helpful this is and you have probably done it but have you tried emailing your profile direct to the other LAs we have done this every couple of months and had social workers then make enquiries with our SW regards to children.  One of which was even featured on adoption link and they chose just to visit us however however we have since declined the visit as at the same time a stronger match wanted to visit too.  We have never got as far as a social worker making the meeting they have always cancelled the day before so trying not to get our hopes up.

If you pm me your email address I can send you the LA addresses.

Love to all 

Moo x


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## Forgetmenot

Hi ladies, hope everyone is doing ok.  We have slowed down a little.
There seems to be a fair few more AL profiles pinging through this week, so hopefully tags on the move, big hugs all xx


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## Forgetmenot

Big week moon bags.... Have everything crossed x

Jacks girl... We were the same with a few links not going anywhere on AL, lots of false hope for us, I was moaning the day before, going were gonna change what we are doing, it's going nowhere... and like they say, always out of the blue x fingers crossed something will happen very soon x

Hope everyone else is hanging in there xx


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## Lous mummy

Hi everyone, 

So sorry I have been completely awol the last couple of months, I have been feeling entirely deflated. 

I have now been linked with a very little pink, but i'm finding it very hard to get excited about it, she is perfect for me and very much adorable but after having a link fall through I feel I am being very cautious, which is a shame because I really wanted to be excited. Has anyone else felt like this?


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## Forgetmenot

Moo hugs massive hugs and luck xx

Hope you hear soon jacks girl, they do like to keep us all waiting, wishing you all the very best, that the journey is almost at the end... But the start of a new beginning xx

Louis mummy, how old is little pink? Where are you at with your link? Xx

We are almost at panel, but still don't believe it, nor have purchased anything, and excitiment is shortlisted and comes in burst, then we get back in our bubble!


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## Lous mummy

Hi forgetmenot 

She is currently six months, the SW is working on getting her home by September, eeeek! 

I've had a better day today, feeling a tad bit excited. 

She already has PO so at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about! X


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## DRocks

Just letting you know I won't be around for a while.
Taking a step back for a bit, maybe fate will take its course, maybe not. But good luck to you all going through with links at the moment.


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## becs40

Disney.


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## Forgetmenot

Take care Disney     Xx


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## Tw1nk82

Big hugs disney   Xxx


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## Beckyboo3

Hi 
Bit unsure now who has been matched and who is still waiting but just wanted to share our good news and give others hope !! after a long long long 14 months of waiting we have been matched with a 15 month little girl still can't believe it  

Got the phone call on Tuesday and they visited us on Thursday, our LA visit two families and got the phone call on Friday to say we were the lucky ones !! 

Told our son and he is so excited and by luck we go on holiday this week so much to look forward to  

Hope everyone else is doing well with their journeys x 

Beckyboo x


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## Primmer

Beckyboo3 - that's such great news, how exciting!! Have a great holiday too x


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## Jacks girl

Beckyboo congratulations     excellent news, we too are matched and have meetings next week. Just waiting for a matching panel date and intros date. We are linked to a pink pre-schooler xxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Just nipping in to say congratulations to all who are linked, matched or have little ones newly home. I know some of you have had long waits so I'm happy to see things are starting to move again. I know you'll all agree it's been worth the wait


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## liveinhope

We have matching panel next Thursday.  All seeming real now

It is great that things are starting to move for lots of us who've been waiting a while


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## pringle

Matching panel tomorrow , nerves are kicking in now. X


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