# PAR summary of weaknesses



## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Just wondering if anyone was willing to share some insight into the kind of weaknesses they had listed in their PAR.......ie weaknesses that still lead to approval.


Our SW is currently writing up our PAR and i'm trying to prepare myself as what she might list, and know in advance what weaknesses are surmountable so i don't have a massive breakdown when i see our list!!!


Thanks in advance
Everhopefullmum x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

We had the fact that I am overweight (dealing with that slowly!), we don't drive, don't have experience of parenting and we live very close to the town centre so couldn't be placed with a children from the LA.

Hope that helps!

xx


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Thanks JesP, yes it all helps......I know i tend to overreact to things as I want this so badly so worried i will see something on the list and think "thats it i will never be approved now" so seeing things that might come up really helps.
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[/size]Everhopefullmum x


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

I think the thing to do is turn your 'weaknesses' into strengths when you find them in your PAR. For example, someone who is overweight is actively taking steps to lose weight which shows dedication and commitment to adoption and losing weight is a hard thing to do so progress in that area is admirable.

Panel often need to have something to bash to death we were told and will find something to highlight but often it's not what you might think. We had a lovely panel experience all 3 times - approval, matching, and then back again to be approved for no.2 and have matching panel for no.2 this month. We weren't given a hard time ove anything but we did have answers lined up for the questions we knew would be posed on finances / religion. Your SW will often be able to guide you as to what might be asked. I worried constantly about panel having heard horror stories, but honestly, its been a piece of cake so far and I only hope our fourth and final panel this month is as pleasant.

Your 'negatives' are specific to you but they are very concerned with strong support networks, good family relations and a healthy lifestyle. If you are religious they may ask how you'd feel if your child didn't grow up to share your faith, how you will manage financially etc.

Hope this helps a bit


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

We had no parenting experience and me being fairly quiet.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

At approval panel it was noted that our sw thought we would struggle with a lo who had difficulty showing affection or had attachment difficulties. She believed Both dh and I are both very physical, demonstrative people and when questioned on this in pamel she simply replied it was her job to carefully consider any matches, which all sw should be doing anyway. That shut them up! 

At matching panel we had a grilling. they raised a weakness they thought was significant which was they queried my interest in special needs. I teach and lecture on the impact that early neglect can have on brain development and specifically what we in education should be doing about it. The panel had real difficulty understanding why we didn't want a child with diagnosed or identified difficulties given my interest. The questioning aka interrogation did go on for a while and got very heated (so much so our sw has launched an official complaint about the way we were treated) in the end I stood up and asked out of those who were parents, how many had wanted their child to be born with a special need. If little man has difficulties I KNOW we can and will cope however, to actively seek a lo with such difficulties was something dh and I felt we didn't want to do. Despite this we had a unanimous yes. 

Judging by our sw's reaction our experience was highly unusual. It was a neighbouring authority who had an issue with our approving authority. It was just unfair they took it out on us.  X


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Our weaknesses were no parenting experience and previous debt. But neither were mentioned. It's just that no one is ever perfect and they haven't find something to fill a box!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

We just had that we were inexperienced parents (ie we don't already have kids.) But I am guessing if we did then weakness would be something relating to existing child. It's a box tick don't worry x x x x


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Weaknesses are an interesting one.  Like you Flash, I was grilled because I am someone who trains others in a range of alternative therapies, including hypnosis and one panel member became quite aggressive and obsessed with me asking me to name the books I've read on trauma. 

It was very combative and blindsided me a bit.  I replied that through my training I have a good understanding of trauma, sensory acuity etc, however, I know that theory is one thing / applying it in reality is another. 

I honestly felt as though I had a rabid dog on my leg, gripping and refusing to let go. (I actually wanted to put a fire hose on her to get her off me)

Unanimous 'yes' was the result, however, I do think they try to push you / find fault which really, to my way of thinking, isn't in the spirit of the process. 

Tick box is right.


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm sure there'll be no surprises ever hopeful! 
We had no parenting experience and also dh didn't perform well in the attachment style interview so lack of evidence he shared emotions - but sw was v fair and said we spent time with children and the reference interviews suggested dh was fine etc

Good luck. It's a bit of a wierd read! 
Gettina


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Our weakness was I suffer stage 4 endometriosis with a frozen pelvis and in constant pain and on a lot of pain medication. I just showed that I can manage my pain and I have just got to get on with it. I have lived with it for nearly 20 years and have looked after a number children during this time. My GP and consultant supported my application and the panel actually commended me on my resilience and my strength on getting through my pain on a daily bases. It was only after we had a yes that I told the panel leader that I was in agony and could she tell 
If I am honest I didn't think we would of got through it and neither did our families, but the main key is that if you have the support of family and friends then your weaknesses shouldn't be a problem.

Good luck
Skyblu.xxxx


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Btw - flash and Summertilly - yikes! You poor things having a traumatic panel.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Tbh gettina - it was awful because to us matching panel meant so much more than approval. Our sw filled us with confidence about approval so it was a relief more than a surprise. We also felt if we failed we could appeal. Matching however was completely different. The authority were an unknown quantity and we had fallen 'hook, line and sinker' fr our little man. We were both utterly terrified as we knew what we would lose if they said no.

Forgot to mention my endo. They brought that up as I've postponed a hysterectomy and further ops. Like skyblu, they wanted assurances it wouldn't impact/affect my parenting.


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## Doubleprincesstrouble (Jan 28, 2013)

Ours was just that we would be first time parents.


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