# Nothing in particular, but saying thanks



## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Hello everyone, you remember I did my first post here a week or so ago, trying to weigh up whether to stop trying for a baby or not.

Even though I haven't posted since then I've been reading the threads here daily and they've really helped me. I just wanted to say thanks. I often feel really alone going through this, and just seeing how you look out for each other has given me a real boost. You've got an amazing bond that many women would feel blessed to find in everyday life. I don't feel I know you well enough yet to be 'butting in' on the birthday greetings, but I have been thinking of all the women here with birthdays and hoping you all can find it in you to celebrate your special days, even if you may not feel like it if circumstances have been particularly tough on you. 

And I do understand that one: I had my birthday on the 3rd, then I miscarried the next day. And ever since then I've been bed-ridden with a stomach bug that I just can't shift! I feel absolutely wrung out and considering I normally act like I've got ants in my pants it's been pretty frightening to have been so completely knocked off my feet. So reading the posts about it being normal to feel this exhausted have really reassured me. 

Anyway, this isn't really about anything in particular. It's just to say I am finding the posts here so helpful and although I'm a newbie here and  feel a bit shy about posting replies, I do really feel for each of you when I read your posts. I'll often find I'm thinking about what I've read here for ages afterwards. So this is a kind of 'group' post to all of you - you might not know it but you've got one other person here thinking you are all amazing and wishing you the very best, and you've helped keep me sane this past week!

xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Bandicoot, 

I think the web is at its amazing best when it connects us to others who can truly empathise with our otherwise isolating experiences. I would encourage you to not feel shy at all about posting replies - I have always found that in writing some words of encouragement to someone else, helps me too! You've been through a hell of a lot, and I would recommend you taking it easy for as long as possible, if life and work allow. 

Out of curiosity, is there not much of this kind, i.e. support, in Oz?

Sending you big hugs on the the next Qantas flight out of here!

MM xxx


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Dear MM,

Thanks for encouraging me to get posting replies. I shall stop seeing myself as new girl butting in and instead see it for what it is: an opportunity to empathise with others and send words of encouragement, like you say. Unless you all have powers of telepathy how are you to know I feel for you if I don't say it!

No, I've got to say on the support front (unless I've missed it) it's pretty rubbish out here. There is a national website which the IF clinic put me onto, but it's not kept up to date and there are no message boards attached or anything. I know there is a link on this site to the aussie/kiwi threads but because my head is totally in the space of weighing up whether to stop or not, I've felt most comfortable in this section. My guess is that because the population is so much smaller out here there just aren't the facilities to support such a website yet. So while you would be more than welcome to come on over and soak up the sun on the next Qantas flight, you'd definitely want to bring your FF buddies with you!!

On the recuperation front, it's a double edged sword, really. Both me and DH are freelance writers and while there are distinct advantages (take hols when we want, work from home in jim-jams with the fridge but a step away) the downside is you never know when your next cheque is coming in. And right now, unusually, neither of us have work and we have rather an expensive cycle of IVF to pay for, not to mention the mortgage. So as much as I am lucky in that I'm self employed, right now there is a real need to get back out there and find work asap. DH has been fabulous and told me to rest up, but he has just gone to bed with a migraine himself as for the past two weeks he has shouldering all the stress while I've been in a heap, and it's just not fair on him.

Oh moan moan (they don't call us whingeing Poms for nothing) that's what life has dealt us and I just have to get on with it. I just wish I felt a bit better physically (anyone got any tips for super foods/supplements to help me bounce back..?). 

Love B xxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Hi Bandicoot
I too would encourage you to post here as much as you like! - and don't feel like the new girl!! We will always want to hear from you no matter how much YOU may feel shy. No need, honest  .

I really undestand about the work thing - I am self employed too as an artist (tho at the moment I am also working 2 days a week in a 'proper' job to make ends meet). I think it's so hard to keep working on something creative whilst you are in this awful predicament of IF and uncertainty. Could you bear to work in a part time paid job for a bit?? Sometimes I have felt this to be OK whilst coping with all this stuff, because it gets you out of the house (better than staring at a blank page/canvas all day) - plus you get some cash. Plus I have found that on my 3 days in the studio I am more productive as I have missed it during the other days. In the past I have worked in bars, shops, offices, galleries - all on short term bases - and found it to be OK. It's not a long term solution, because obviously your writing is the main thing you do, but for a while it may be OK, and ease the financial pressure a little bit? It also means that on your writing days you can rest if you need to, in the knowledge that at least you have a little regular money coming in..I don't know about you but I have found that if I can be clear headed then my work 'flows' more easily - and it's not necessarily related to spending hours and hours over it. (sometimes..!!)

Re the energy thing - I too am struggling with this after recent tx - I'm so tired! I don't know of any miracle supplements, tho I do see a very good acupuncturist which really helps. Also, as emcee mentioned ina  previous post, eating little and often is good.

Take care xxxxxxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Hi Bandicott, nice to hear from you. I don't always post either, bit naughty on that front too. I am a reflexologist/aromatherapist and I have to work in an office 2.5 days a week too so the mortgage is guaranteed to get paid. Don't like it much but it's local and secure. I have been off for 4 weeks due to stress and am due back at the end of the month  . I think I mentioned to you before about the energy thing but I have also had a sore throat for about 5 weeks now, very strange and can't work out why as I don't have a cold nore do I smoke. Has anyone else had this?

xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Sorry that you are all feeling so drained and not like your good selves ladies  

Yamoona, there has been a horrible bug doing the rounds here for a while that gives you a sore throat that seems to come and go. Maybe you are a bit run down at the mo hon? It doesn't help with the weather being all over the place either - in one weekend here we've had summer, spring and winter all in one go - quite crazy to watch out of the window today whilst tucked up in my office at work!  

I am training to be a reflexologist and I admit I'm finding getting the time to do it and working full time a wee bit of a struggle at the moment! Perhaps I have too much on the go, I am also learning to drive, dieting and trying to get my gammy leg back in shape in prep for my next knee op (hopperation). I'm also hoping to attempt my reiki 2 this weekend - providing my tutor can get 2 other people to turn up on the course - they have let her down and she cannot do the session with only one person as its not the same! Its times like this I would love to have a hologram of me - ooh could you imagine it - having a day off and sending the hologram out to do the shopping in the wind and the rain  

Sorry, went totally off on one there    I just wanted to say it was lovely having another person around who is doing reflexology. Aromatherapy sounds fab too, and something I am considering learning in the future! Have you got any tips for me hon?   Here's one: 'don't eat yellow snow'   Sorry, am feeling frivolous this evening  

Bandicoot, even though you're feeling so low you still make me crack up with laughter! Whinging Pom, indeed girly, you're more than entitled to moan about how crappy things have been for you lately! It must be horrid for you, and I agree with Ruby that it must stifle the creative juices when you feel so pants. As an aside how fascinating that you are a writer and Ruby is an artist - don't we have some talented people here   Now I don't want you apologising for not posting - hells bells, you're like part of the furniture already   and its good this place has been a source of support to you so much - like I've said before, without everyones valuable contribution there is no board is there... so by all means please feel free to join in hon if you're up to it  

MM has made some valid points there about talking and sharing here when stuff gets too much. Its something we all do - and it really does help being able to 'chat' to those who empathise with our individual situations! Ruby has had some cracking ideas too - although it may not be nice working elsewhere to earn a crust it can tide you over a hard time I suppose.

Big loves and hugs to you all -and hoping your energy levels return for you soon.
Emcee xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi everyone, and especially Bandicoot,

Nothing much from me either, but also saying thanks!

It is so good to hear from you all, please do post! Sometimes we post because we need some support. Sometimes we are offering support. But the asking for support also gives because it shows others they are not alone. And in giving support we express some of the care we actually need to share. As MM suggests, the giving and receiving are all connected.

Funnily enough I have also been laid low for a coupla days. (Exhausted and vomiting. Too much info!) Wonder if we share biorhythms across the net? I know that female flatmates, nuns, boarders and prisoners end up having periods at the same time, so why not?!!!!

There have been some good ideas here about managing work. Just wish I could retire! Seriously, I had a hard time getting started today on working at home, but once I did I realised how much I enjoyed it as the freelance stuff I do is actually very creative. I combine it with a more mundane regular job that ensures an income, so I can recommend Yamoona and Ruby's approach.

Nothing much?  Thanks are actually a lot to share!

Jq xxx


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Hello lovely ladies,

So sorry to hear so many of you are also under the weather at the moment. Jq, maybe you're right and we're all in sync with each other! Funnily enough today is the first day since the m/c and stomach bug that I've felt even vaguely normal and a bit energised, like I want to go out and tackle all the weeds in the garden, rather than pulling the duvet back over my head. I also have a good acupuncturist though to be honest I've knocked it on the head for a while as I feel I need to put everything to do with IF on the back burner while I work out how I feel about it all. (Apart from posting to you all, that is!)

DH got some work today, hooray, so I can take it easy for a bit longer. Jq, Yamoona and Ruby, it's great advice to have a 'normal' job to tide you over during lean times with the more creative/freelance stuff.  I did try working for the local animal shelter for a while and it was such a shock to actually have to do some hard physical slog for peanuts. The kennel maids who work there full time are saints. Makes me appreciate how lucky I am but DH is often saying I should look for a shop-based job locally if only to get out of the house and stop being so antisocial! IF does very strange things to you, I find...

I'm feeling a real urge to try something totally different (not hard to see how this ties in with weighing up whether to stop trying for babies) and I've always wanted to run a holiday cottage. Just a small problem with funding it but I've never let any obstacles stand in my way of a dream before now (it' s just that the big one hasn't happened) so if I can redirect all this energy I've put into IF then there's no reason for it not to happen.

Anyway I feel very inspired by hearing all your tales about second jobs and retraining so maybe that will be the next step for me, rather than another go on the IVF merry-go-round.

Although I do love the idea of sending out a hologram emcee or even better just retiring, which was jq's top suggestion! Paying the bills is so boring, isn't it?

Ruby, thanks for the tip about eating little and often to help with energy levels. I am normally a total greedy guts who has no problem with eating often but a very big problem with eating little... however thanks to stomach bug I'm half a stone lighter so i guess every cloud has a silver lining. I've decided I'm going to tackle my listlessness by only eating lovely, organic food where possible and having lots of vitamin supplements along with wheatgrass capsules etc (can't stand the taste of the juice, yuk). I'll be rattling before the end of the week but hopefully I'll feel like I have slightly more energy than a very slow slug.

Emcee when is your hopperation (made me giggle)? Blimey you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Jq, Yamoona, Ruby, hope you are all feeling much better soon. Here's to us all feeling much more energised!

Very much chirpier for reading all your funny posts. Happy Tuesday to you all, whether you're working, resting, playing, recuperating... (Tuesday is already over here, hee hee!).

B xxxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Bandicoot, just a quickie as something just strucj me as I was reading your post; I know very much what you mean about putting everything that was associated with helping you get pregnant on the back burner, and therefore, not doing it, but.... Could you 'reframe' it in your head as something you are doing for you? For example, I used to see my reflexologist in order to help me get pregnant, now I go because I want to delay my menopause for as long as possible, not in the hope of pregnancy, but because menopause doesn't look like a lot of fun? I totally get where you are coming from, but now more than ever YOU deserve to be cared for as much as possible.. Just a thought! We women are so guilty sometimes of being able to do things for someone else that we won't do for ourselves - be indulgent, you deserve it!

Big love to the sunny place this morning!

MM xxx

Just out f curiosity, which coast are you on? I have friends in Manly who emigrated form here...


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Thanks MM, you are right of course that us women are not good at doing things soley for us. And in fact you are the second person to say that to me today. So maybe I will go back for non pregnancy-related acupuncture in a few weeks... just as a stress-release thing instead. Good idea. I don't know why I feel I have to stop if it's not in the persuit of pregnancy. Glad you find reflexology helpful. God it's bliss, isn't it? I love it. 

How funny re: your friends in Many. Would you believe out of the whole of Oz that's just down the road from me! I know Manly well and in fact celebrated my birthday there just a couple of weeks ago. SMALL WORLD huh. Do your friends like it there? Oh and don't be jealous about the sunny place today; it's currently pitch black, stormy and bucketing down...  

B xxxx


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Hello everyone and especially banicoot
I've just got back from holiday and loving having an hour to spend "catching up".
bandicoot I live in New Zealand! In the South island just 40 mins North of Christchurch!
I was born in Liverpool and lived there until I was 10 so part of me will always be a Liverpool lass! 
I love your dog bandicoot. we actually have a Australian Blue heeler called Ruby - she's beautiful but naughty as. Just over a year old now. 
She's got this thing about underpants and knickers and steels them at a drop of a hat - I just lost a brand new pair yestearday. When we moved into this property 3 years ago we found beer cans all over the place - the man of the house obviously liked to have one on the side. If we move they're going to find underwear with teeth marks in everywhere!
If there's not much IF support in Australia then there's even less in NZ. I've found being here so helpful.
I enjoyed the discussion re work issues. this is an ongoing saga for me. I work part time as a GP and I'm finding it tough going. I'd love to do something else but just lack the courage really. I don't own the practice so my income is not that great but we do need it to pay the bills.
I'm having all of March off and it's been wonderful.

Lots love and thoughts Joanne


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Well hello Joanne, how nice to meet someone else in the southern hempisphere!

I visited Christchurch a couple of years ago as part of our tour of the South Island (totally fell for Queenstown) and am often hopping across to Auckland as I have a good friend (also English) who now lives in Devonport with her DH and four kids (all IVF!). At least I know now there will be one other person tapping away here at weird hours..!

I laughed out loud at the antics of your Blue Heeler Ruby. They're fab dogs, aren't they? My friend has one - also called Ruby, also naughty! Does she just like collecting knickers as a sort of trophy (are you sure she's not a man?) or does she simply steal them for shredding purposes? I would love to know what will go through the minds of any future purchaser of your house, finding shredded knickers all over the place...  Our dogs have never developed the pants fetish but are partial to shredding the odd pillow or two - including their own bed, DOH.

Yep, thank goodness for FF as there isn't much in the way of support over here, and as you say, even less in NZ. I'm sure it'll catch up in this region but, as with most things, it tends to be a few years behind the likes of the UK.

Would you want to do something else in addition to being a GP, or have a change of direction completely? It sounds fascinating and wonderful but I'm sure it's hard work and stressful, too. I have been stuck in a rut for years with what I do (freelance writer, mainly advertising as it pays well) but have never had the guts to try anything new. I keep blaming IF and the 'what ifs' that go with it but it's a bit of an excuse, really. I hope before this decade is out (two years to go before the big 40) I have at least tried something new. 

How lovely for you to have the whole of March off. I'm a firm believer in the need to take a minimum of two weeks off at a time as anything less doesn't allow you to relax properly. Hope you're having a very very relaxing time! I'd quite like to get out of Sydney right now as it's so steamy and humid my hair has taken on the look and texture of candy floss...  

Well, that's enough rambling from me. Lovely of you to say hello. Hope you keep in touch!

Love B xxx


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