# How to cope? My ramblings



## Amy23 (Feb 18, 2009)

Hello

I've only just joined. After bad endometriosis of the ovaries, which was cleared up by lap last year, I had my first IVF cycle. I had a scan yesterday and the doctor said only one follicle had been produced, and it wasn't looking hopeful, but they'd scan me again tomorrow. However, he said he thought the IVF would be cancelled and even though it was cancelled it counted as one 'go'.

I won't go into detail, but the last eight/nine months have been so traumatic with the endo pain, then the op, then being told that there was still some endo inside me which they didn't remove because it didn't affect the repo system... and continuing endo pain... 

Then starting the IVF and being told that, even with the help of drugs, I've only produced one follicle: it's been depressing.

I know many of you have been through years of hell, and we've only been through eight months, so my problems seem slight, and part of me feels a fraud for writing about 'me issues', when some of you have been through so much more, but I don't know how to cope.

It's like the loss of something perfect. Perfect because the only baby/child we had was the one in my mind, so I could make him/her as perfect as I wanted to in my own head. The baby we were going to have was beautiful, good, clever, sporty, speak loads of language, cheeky, funny... he/she was going to have all the love, chances and opportunities we could offer. He/she would have had loving parents as well as grandparents.

It's so unfair when there are kids out there having babies when they are babies themselves, or people who are druggies/abusers/paedophilles having them: what can they offer, when we think we can offer so much.

In a way, I'm 'glad' we found out so soon, so haven't wasted years of emotion on hoping for a baby, and spending thousands of pounds, but still, it's a loss isn't it.

Thank you for reading. I'm not sure if I've made any sense, but I wanted to get it off my chest and cry a little.


Amy


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

awww Amy hun so sorry that this cycle doesn't look too good, i'm   that they find more follies when the re scan you 

sending you big   

pam xx


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