# Support network question



## Cbelle1 (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi all


We are starting to get our ducks in a row before we begin the process, but wonder if you can provide some advice?


We currently live in a village near the coast, it's beautiful and we love living here and love our cottage, however we don't know anybody in the village. We have friends in the next town, but our close friends and family I.e our support network live at least 30 mins away.


We have found a house in the village where OH's parents live and my parents and sister are 15 mins away. It's a big modern place with 4 beds, so lots of room for a growing family. I'm sure we would be happy there, but it's not the same as living by the sea.


We are both willing to make the sacrifice if it means becoming a family as that is the most important thing to us and at the end of the day it's not a house that makes a home but the people in it.


Just really after some thoughts about whether sw will expect support network to be near us and also if we have moved less than a year before we start if that will count against us?


Thanks folks


Chelle
Xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

I think having anyone within an hour is excellent. You can work more on your local community - look at sure start/ toddler groups/ anything else that will allow you to know more people even on a superficial basis as many of us change our support once Los come home. One bit of advice would be do you or will you have transport to be able to get to your support or they get to you if you need to? Adopting can feel quite isolating at times so easy access will be important to your SW (and you if you need a hug in the middle if the day if someone to come over and do a little housework for you). X


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Hi chelle,

I second gertie totally. I think you need to present your situation as an advantage. Do your homework, research local toddler groups, story sessions etc so sw can see you are aware of what is round you. To be honest, we live in a town and although we know our neighbours I wouldn't say we know them too well. We did exaggerate how we could call on our nearest neighbour but I don't think we ever would. Our nearest family are about 20 min away. They are dh elderly parents so we would never class them as a support. My mum and all of my friends live about 30 min away but we were still praised for our excellent support network. I think as long as you can show that they are there for you and perhaps explain what you would do in a possible emergency you'll be fine. 

Good luck


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

As you say you are getting your ducks lined up before applying, perhaps I can suggest that you both do some voluntary work, ideally with children, which should give you the experience you need and also find other adults in the vicinity.

You can use the http://www.do-it.org.uk/ website but it might also be worth seeking out your local infants school or nursery and see if you can get involved.

It doesn't have to be with children though, any kind of voluntary work will enable you to find like minded people who evidently become part of your support network.

Good luck,
Paul x


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Your situation sounds similar to ours, however our key support are much further away. We know who our neighbours are and have a chat when we see them. We put them down on our support network because they would help us out in an emergency.

Like others have suggested, research what is around you & do some volunteer work with children. It's a great way to meet others & boost your support network. I did this at a Sure Start group & now know & have access to several senior early years practitioner's. They are listed on our support network.

If your families are 30 mins away I wouldn't see this as a negative, definitely not a reason to move if you are happy where you are


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## Cbelle1 (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi all


We already both volunteer (me with the brownies and OH with St. John's) and we do have friends around here, but I suppose I'm just thinking that I know when I need her my mums the one I would turn to- guess I'm just a mummy's girl lol!


Chelle
X


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

living by the sea would be lovely with children..dont move!! most of my support network were 20 mins or more away initially..dont forget support network isnt just being close, telpehine support/email support is just as valid!
If it were me I'd stay put and work on getting to know whats around you when your littlies come home..your real support network will grow when your children are placed…I look back at our support network and laugh..the people that supported me most in the end arent even on there!


kj x


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

My DW is a mummy's girl too except her mum lives 250 miles away in London.
We emphasised that we use the telephone, email and video call (important for LO to see them) to contact her.

My parents live about 10-15mins away in the town next to ours, and to be honest i'm more likely to get my support from this forum than my parents, which is exactly what I told the SWs.

If you are already volunteering, it looks to me you already have a large support group - and that emans anything not just emotional support or someone to cry on!

Paul x


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

We were approved July 2013. Most of our support network, mainly our parents and brothers and sisters are at least 30-45 minutes away from us. We don't really know anybody nearby and both are neighbours are very elderly. I hope to meet other mums(or dads) in the local area once we have a child placed with us x


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Our LA said we needed to have been living in our house for at least 2 years before we would be considered to adopt with them, but I guess all agencies will have different rules!  I think your current location sounds ideal and 30 mins drive away for your support network is not that far.

As others have said, research your area.  Personally we don’t know anyone locally, both DH and I work away from the area and in fact our lives are based in the area that most of our support network come from since although we moved a bit further away to afford a bigger house, DH still plays his sport in the village where he grew up.  Therefore we are never around to meet local people.  We say hello to the neighbours but that is about it.  

That said, when a child comes along, you will meet other parents and your local network will grow.

One thing our SW liked about us was the fact we had a large support network.  It didn’t matter that most of them were half an hour drive away.

Good luck with your journey.

x


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi Chellebelle

Like you we live by the sea with an amazing beach on our door step so I can second everyone Else's advice and say stay put! With regard to your support network and the closest one being half an hour away I would agree with others and say this shouldn't be an issue. 

We are fortunate that we have 3 close friends all within 20 minutes from us but friends of ours who adopted didn't have immediate support close by when they applied to adopt. Their SW advised getting involved in the village community and getting to know their neighbours a bit better so they could be there in case of a real crisis. Otherwise the fact that they had good support at the end of the phone or by email when needed they didn't have to do anything else to prove they had a support network. 

I echo what others have said to find out what resources are available to you locally such as nurseries, parent and toddler groups etc. Once your placed you will get the opportunity to network with other parents. This was the case for our friends and they now have two good friends who live in the same town as them whom they met through the nursery!


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

We've have a limited support network where we live and that hasn't been a problem so far as they feel we will make lots of friends through the LO.


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