# Still going through IVF but looking into adoption



## AJ1983 (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I was just wondering if anyone has been through a similar experience and how you coped with the conflicting feelings...I start my 2nd ICSI cycle very soon but I know deep down that this will be our last. TBH I didn't really want to go again but DH isn't ready to give up. We have had a successful cycle which sadly ended in MC and a failed FET. I have always loved the idea of adoption and we have agreed that we would like to adopt in the future even if we are successful. I have told a couple of people how I feel and they just look at me like I'm mad. I guess that they think I should just keep going with IVF but it is changing who I am as a person if that makes sense. I am a positive bubbly person but all the pain is just keeps knocking me down. I hope with all my heart that this cycle works but I am trying to be realistic.

Has anyone requested info packs or anything like that whilst still going through treatment?  It's helping me stay positive about the future so I want to do all that I can.

Sorry about the very 'all over the place' post but I guess it helps to write it all down.


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Just wanted to wish you luck and I hope everything works out for you


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## swallowtail (Dec 8, 2009)

Hello,

Sorry you are having such a rough time. Well I wish you luck with whatever you decide, but you asked if anyone had requested info packs during tx. After our 2nd cycle we contact our LA and got some info from them and also a VA. We then decided to have one final go at IVF first using donor eggs before we considered adoption. By going down that route I think it sort of paved the way to coming round to the idea of adoption as we already accepted the idea that I couldn't have my own 'bio' child if you know what I mean. 

We just came to the point as many do that we could not face any more tx and after reading tonnes on adoption we feel this is the much better option for us. 

Lots of luck xx


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## AJ1983 (Feb 25, 2011)

Thanks for the replies.   I've been having a look at the local agency website and I think I will request info. Hope all goes well for you both. x


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## shuvit (Jan 30, 2012)

Hi Flick
Sorry to hear of your 1st failed cycle
Myself and DH also went through similar circumstances and although adoption was a possibility for us, we hoped that the 2 courses of IVF worked 
You will find that agentcies will not entertain you until you have had at least 6months from your last failed treatment, which when we decided to go for adoption was not what I wanted to hear, but looking back it gives you time to get things into perspective
Frome personal experience I would say fully concentrate on your ICSI cycle and when the time comes then make enquiries through agencies - I know this is a difficult time - but it is hard to think straight when you are going through fertility treatments
I hope all works out for you and your DH
Shuvit xx


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## onechance24 (Jun 27, 2011)

Hi AJ,

I just wanted to say I know how you feel.  We had a BFN just last week and reading adoption stories is what keeping me going.  Gonna plan to do out FET asap but in my heart of hearts i feel it won't work...We were given a very low chance of success around 10%.  We discussed just going straight for adoption but decided to take advantage f our NHS try so we knew we had done our best...

Somehow it just gives me hope that one way or another i will be a Mummy and DH will be a Daddy.

I understand how you are feeling, sometimes our  intuition is right and should be listened to..

I hope your dreams come true however it happens.

Good luck with yr


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## MrsYG (Oct 30, 2007)

AJ - Sorry to hear of your MC, it really is a cruel twist of fate when that happens    and I wish you all the luck in the world for this next ICSI cycle.

But to answer your question... after our second IVF we had already started to discuss adoption as an option.  we both agreed that it was something we felt we could do.  We had our 3rd and final IVF on NHS which was again a BFN.  After this we made some enquiries, attended some open evenings and had some time out to think about it.  Then we decided to have one last self funded cycle and throw everything at it, this one worked but unfortunately we MC.  Immediately after this, we knew that we could not go on having more and more tx, too expensive, too emotionally draining, with no guarantee of a good outcome.

Because we had already expressed an interest in Adoption over 18months previously, and because we were both committed to Adoption as the only route we were willing to take, and because we'd been on the treatment rollercoaster for 8 years, our SW let us get straight into it.  She felt we had already grieved the loss of a bio child several years ago and thought making us wait another 12mths was unneccessary. 

So, I guess what I'm saying is... if you are both truely committed to adoption, do all the reading you can.  Ask for info packs from your Local Authority, neighbouring authorities and Voluntary organisations.  Attend open evenings to meet adopters and SW's and ask any questions you have, no matter how silly you think they may be.  Read books - a good one to start with is 'An adoption Diary'  it will give you a good insight into the process and how long it can take, and the obstacles in your way.

Having said all that.... I really hope you get lucky this time


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## AJ1983 (Feb 25, 2011)

Onechance that is exactly what I have been doing, I guess I am just looking for that happy ever after. I feel so disconnected from this cycle of treatment, like I'm just doing what I'm told. Maybe I will start to feel something when EC and ET comes around. Its so good to know that other women are feeling the same though. I thought I was being selfish and weak for wanting to give up on IVF so you have made me think otherwise now.    I have everything crossed that your FET works and stay in touch, would love to know how you get on!   

MrsYG thanks for the advice, I will defo get that book you mentioned and I have already researched several agencies and the criteria etc already. I'm sorry that you have had such an awful journey and I really hope that everything works out well for you. I'm so happy to see that you have been approved and I hope you are matched up v.soon!


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## Victoriag (Jul 6, 2010)

Hi ladies, 

This is the exact same question I've been wanting to ask, but not sure I should be asking it!?!

I have just had a third M/C and not sure if I can go through treatment again, however have a frostie left which I'm not at all confident in.  I'm not even surei want to have the investigation on recurrent M/C as I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go through thereatmwnt again!

I havelso been looking at my local authority website, AJ where did you startwith researching agencies?  

AJ thanks for asking the question xx


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## AJ1983 (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi Victoriag,

I've been wanting to ask for a while but like you I didn't know how, hence the bumbling post. lol 

I love to google so I've just looked at a bunch of different websites...

http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/adoption?gclid=CIjKwonyoq4CFUZkfAodiWTZQw
http://www.adoption.org.uk/children/default.html
http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/

I then started looking at my local agencies and yesterday I sent emails requesting info packs. I explained my circumstances and made it clear that I understand that I would have to wait to start the process. I have read some of the adoption stories on here which are just amazing and I will get the book that MrsYG suggested too. I get all emotional when reading the diaries as they are just full of hope and such lovely stories.

I'm so sorry to hear about your 3 MC's, it's just heartbreaking.  I definately understand what you mean about not being strong enough. Maybe once you have made the right decision for yourself then you will feel a bit more positive about moving forward. Good luck and happy researching.  
/links


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## Victoriag (Jul 6, 2010)

Thanks AJ X I appreciate your response xx 

I've also been reading the adoption diaries and yep they do sound tough but worth it xx

Good luck with your next cycle Hun xxx


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

To all you girls still going through treatment yet considering/dreaming about adotion you are not alone, I think we have all been there. We 1st enquired about adoption before we even started IUI, it was always something that appealed to us and I just think we 'knew' it was for us. We actually stopped all treatment after 3 failed IUI and alot of stimulation hassling as we were miserable and felt we were pushing something that just didnt need to be pushed. We didnt need to have a biological family, a pregnancy, a newborn, we just wanted a family. It just made more sense to adopt, a much more positive journey. We were actually still entitled to 3 more IUI cycles and 3 IVF cycles (a lot to pass by I know and I do wish I could give them to someone who wants them so much) but we dont regret a thing. We went to counselling to make sure we were making the right decision and not a spur of the moment decision out of grief, but I am a huge believer in fate and what is meant to be will be etc. I do honeslty think some people are just meant to adopt. You will know yourselves when your ready to stop treatment, it is a huge decision and I do recommend counselling and lots of enquiries to LA's VA's. Gather as much info as you can to help you make an informed decision and get a feel for who you would like to adopt through. 

Best of luck to you all and Im sending lots of   

XxX


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## Victoriag (Jul 6, 2010)

Hi forever, thank you for your post, it's was really lovely to read xx. I wish you all theluck in the world with your adoption journey xxx


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## AJ1983 (Feb 25, 2011)

Forever I agree, those little kiddies need loving homes so maybe it is fete. Hope your home study goes well! Let us know how you get on.


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