# My fear with surrogacy



## janesmith488 (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi all

I'm new to surrogacy and have been doing a bit of research. Through all of what i have read its is really really important that both the surrogate and IPs trust and bond with each other. My fear however is that how do you know your surrogate won't take you for a ride finacially? please everyone out there don't get offended by this but how does all the expense stuff work? Are receipts produced or something? The only reason i am asking is that if this happened it wouldn't be the money i would worry about but from an IPs point of view i feel that it would break the trust in the relationship which wouldn't be good for anyone. 


Jane
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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Jane

There are many concerns at the start so please ask away.

Although we are very fortunate that our surrogate is my sister, I can explain how we worked money matters.

It is illegal for the surrogate to get paid in the UK as I am sure that you are aware so we wanted to play everything by the book.  So that we can all ensure that the Parental Order is obtained as easily as possible after the baby arrives.  We were clear at the start that meant both of us keeping receipts for absolutely everything.

We have kept receipts for absolutely everything that we incurred.  We give her cash and our cheques for everything that she paid herself.  She even kept all her bus tickets, Sainsburys receipts for vitamins and got taxi receipts every time.  As the accountant in the family then I have pulled it all together into a (massive) spreadsheet that we can share as required when we go through the parental order process.  Some costs like ivf treatment, maternity clothes (which we shopped for together), life assurance and wills I have just paid directly but again we have kept all the documents so the paper trail is very clear.  It is a binder full of everything which is now part of our shared journey  

Of course treats are allowed so there have been lots of chocolates/flowers/theatre trips etc for my dear sister and a pressie at the end for her and her family of course.  I'd have paid for a cleaner for her but she did not want.  

Think that the rules of what is allowed are very clear.  It is an area which could cause issues so best to work through it up front and agree the ground rules.  We found keeping the receipts was clear and easy but that may be as I am a sad accountant!!

Hope that this helps a little.  Sure other ladies will chime in too.  Ask anything else that you are worried about.

Very best of luck.
Carolyn xxxx


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## janesmith488 (Jun 15, 2009)

Thanks so much for your replies. It all sounds so logical now and if you need to keep receipts for the parental responsibility order then that kind of puts everything into place. Are there any expenses where you wouldn't get a receipt for? for instance if a surrogate has time off work? Would you need some sort of proof from the employer to show she didn't work on those days because of a pregnancy related issue and she lost £x in wages? Also i am probably being very niave here but does the law not allow pregnant women to have paid leave anyway?

Jane
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## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi I wanted to add, that the agreement form is not  legally binding and you do not have to show your bank account statments to anyone, they can not force you to do this. As for receipts never kept any of them, never shown them to anyone and I spend my expensives on what ever I want.

When I was a surrogate , for the first and second time, we just made up a expensives list, showing monthly expensives, and that was it, we never mentioned the lump sum at the end, as far as they new that was all I got.


As long as the expensives are £15,000 or less nothing to worry about.


Lynne xx


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## janesmith488 (Jun 15, 2009)

Thanks for the replies girls. Just my personal view but I think that it is sensible for all receipts etc to be kept. That is part of my fear as i explained earlier that i wouldn't want to feel as if i was being taken for a ride as that would just make me loose trust in the surrogate. If everything is done officially then there should be no problems. Jane x


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## janesmith488 (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi Girls

Sorry i should have said that i agree that the court can ask for whatever evidence they deem appropriate in respect of expenses. Also from what i know expenses can't be spent/claimed for anything; they must be pregnancy related.

One further question to ask if you don't mind. You talked about covering the cost of the surrogate mum's wages whilst she is on maternity leave. Doesn't the law say that pregant women get full pay for the first 6 months of leave? Given that the baby will be handed over after birth why would a surrogate need longer than that off work? Also does anyone know if the maternity leave rules apply to intended mothers? Do we not get maternity leave and pay?

Jane
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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Jane Not sure about the surrogate mum and the mat q, but the Intended mother is not entitled to anything in terms of mat leave (or even equivalent ot adoption leave) the law makes no provisions. Natalie (FF lawyer) campaigns at ever opportunity for this and changing the law.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=170358.0

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/01/2009_24_fri.shtml
L x


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## janesmith488 (Jun 15, 2009)

Many thanks for all your replies ladies. Seems a little unfair that intended mum's don't get any maternity leave or pay but i suppose that is just the way it is. Hope you are all ok and best wishes to you all.

Jane
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