# Coping with insensitive or pessimistic consultants



## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

I wondered if others have found insensitive consultants difficult to deal with along their fertility journey? 

Having come across some very rude and cold ‘experts’ at times (although not generally in my local hospital or GP practice thankfully), I found that bad enough and have cried my eyes out over certain consultants treating me like a walking lump of cash whilst not caring about all the miscarriages &losses I’ve had - but today I had a phone consultation with a previously quite caring sounding expert who this time, 3 years later and more failures behind me, sounded really hopeless and at a loss, with no suggestions at all   I was told most people had given up by my stage and I should just be commended for my resilience!   

It would be so nice to hear from anyone who’s had recurrent losses or failures but eventually got their dream come true into mid 40’s. Feeling very down presently


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## czbaby (Sep 4, 2018)

Hello there, I came across your post and just had to respond.

I know exactly the feeling you describe. Often I force myself to clear those thoughts from my head by telling myself that I am paying my consultant for a service and how she delivers that service is a test of her professionalism, not of me. I also have multiple failures and losses and years of this behind me, at times I feel like I'm imposing on the doctors and nurses by now. But I believe that if a consultant is pessimistic, they should have the integrity to refer a patient on to a colleague with more experience with difficult cases. 

I wish I could be a motivational, good news story for you, but I'm still striving. I hope you're feeling a little stronger than you were when you posted this xo


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## aster10 (Nov 4, 2015)

Hi - oh no, so sorry. I had a lot myself, even removed the signature now... I personally tried not to expect anything from the NHS in terms of fertility treatments, and it can be such an advanced treatment, with intralipids, ivigs, humiras, chicago tests, hidden cs, vaginal viagras, implantation scratches abd cuts and what not. I was disappointed once when my local GP refused to provide me with a prescription for cyclogest even though I just got pregnant after a (private overseas) IVF and I had to have progesterone because I didn’t have the corpus lutheum. Even in respect of such basic stuff, they live in the cold age. They don’t fund much, even less now, so accordingly they don’t know much, especially your average GP or even an average hospital gyno in some cases -  for them it’s rocket science I can imagine, well, less of a rocket science for the gyno I hope, but still. If we talk about Harley street and similar consultants specialising in IVF, immunes etc, that’s another matter altogether. I apologise for asking, I take it from your signature that you are having treatments with Serum, are you feeling this pessimism from their doctors or Penny?


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## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Thank you both czbaby and aster  

czbaby yes I’m feeling stronger than I was that day and sometimes you have to keep marching on and motivate yourself somehow! You have to be strong as a lion!   You're definitely not imposing, just try not to take things personally and keep going   I agree it would be good if less sensitive consultants could transfer or liaise with nicer ones!!

aster no it wasn’t about Penny, she has been much kinder & more positive than most of the UK consultants I’ve seen! My signature doesn’t show the half of it either   You just have to try to get any help from the nhs if/where you can and if not take it on the chin & pay privately. Don’t get me started on Harley street consultants, grr!  

Really nice to see these messages today, thank you very much and good luck both of you xx


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## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

Survivor of an insensitive consultant here!  You would not believe some of the things he said to me.  Anyway, I'm trying with a new one now, who's much nicer and more empathetic. although I miss my former nurse and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to manage without her, especially injecting reconstituted wee when I'm needle phobic.  

I'm also in my 40s.  I haven't been successful yet, but I did have a pregnancy.  The doctor who confirmed the miscarriage was the worst.  He looked about 12 and said, "Oh well, you have a very high chance of miscarriage.  Go and have a cry somewhere".  One day I'll put it into a book.  I never found out his name, so I can't 'name and shame' him, but I'll never go back to that clinic for scans, I can tell you!

I do hope you achieve success.  This is such a bloody hard road to walk, and the fact that you're doing so shows huge courage and fortitude.  I can't give you any words of wisdom; I can only listen, but I'm happy to do that whenever you need.  

Take care, lovely. 
xxx


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