# thought i was ok!



## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

Well after being turned down for fostering,(due to problems with hubbys ex)my last chance was ivf,we need to redo our mortgage so was hoping to borrow extra for one cource of ivf,now we find out we cant borrow enough as house not worth what we thought,feel like i been kicked in the guts,i seem to pick myself up only to be knocked back down again..went to my local town center friday and everywhere i looked there seemed to be pregnant mums or loads of babys,was so hard,i came home and cried ,i just dont want to give up ,but now feeling that this may be my only choice!its just so hard im also 40 this year and that scares me,but have looked on the over 40s thread and does give me hope!well suppose ill have to keep doing the lottery,saving like mad but prob be 50 before i can get £4,000!!!


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Huni,

What a nightmare.  I'm so sorry.  I know this feels like the end of the world for you but I sensed sheer determination in your posting and I really feel in time, you'll find a way .........

In the meantime, you need to look after yourself and trust in the fact that in time, you will find a way of coping with things both "inbetween" decision making and "after" any treatment/disappointments.  It is a long slow process, and its not easy.

I dont know if you've considered counselling?  You're going through a whole load of emotions here, trying to deal with the disappointment of the fostering as well as dealing with the finanical implications of an IVF attempt.  Its alot to try and comprehend at the same time.  Your head must be reeling.

Counselling's not for everyone but it might help you "find your way" and help you think a bit more clearly to help you make the right decisions, whether it be finding a new job to help finance the IVF, taking on a 2nd job, asking friends/family for help or whatever you feel is right and achievable.

I wish you luck 
Love Gill xo


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh my

What a lot you have going on there, I am so sorry that everything seems to be against you. I really hope that you can find a way through this, you do indeed sound like a very determined lady despite everything.

Sending you a very gentle hugs  
Emcee x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Lilacbunnykins
I am sorry also, i am not really sure what to say, or whether i can offer you any solutions. Like Gill said could you possibly ask any family members, to see if they could help with some of the finances...i know its easier said than done..
I am sorry that you have been through so much and as you say its one thing after another. Yep you are right, you pick yourself up and then get knocked down somewhere along the line..
I agree with Emcee you sound like one determined person...
Thinking of you...
lots of love astridxx


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## overthemoon.com (Mar 30, 2006)

Thoughts are with you, Cant believe you can't foster because of your partners ex ?? Did I read this right?

Sending you lots of love & luck xx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi there, i understand what you are saying about the fostering thing. I know people ask why i would not adopt - but i have brought my sdaughter up since age 5 . Also we had a lot of hassle with her mother over the years which led us to custody cases which we won and social workers coming to interview us and sd at age 7! This was the year we were getting married too!! 

I feel i could not go thru all the personal trauma of having our whole life analysed again.As well as that we would have to go onto all the history of sd's mother and all the crap she put us thru.She must have been really strange for them not to let you foster!!

i hope you sort out your finances for the ivf- good luck! xxx


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

hi lisa,yep after being with my hubby for a year ,his son (who he was having probs seeing,as ex was bitter about us,and did anything she could to stop boys seeing us)phoned from collage and said his mum had been hitting him and blaming him for everything that was going wrong at home and he wanted to come and live with us,so we seeked legal advice,socilal services advice and police advice,they all agreed we could take him home with us,so went to collage that day to get him,ex was there ,police were called ,was nightmare,BUT his son ,who wasent aware what was happening was asked who he wanted to go home with,he choose us,and from there our hell with ex started !!!basicly we spent nearly a year going back to court as she kept breaking court orders,she was meeting him at bus stop when she wasent supposed to,so we were invloved with socila services because of all this,plus we were helping him look after his self(he has special needs and learning difficultis)when he came to us he was 17 and didnt even know how to put deodrant on!!!but sadley she got to see him at weekends(we got residency of him)and she worked on him ,by promising him this and that if he came back home,and a week b4 he turned 18 she had him for weekend and failed to return him to us,resulting in going to court again,but we had no choice but to let him stay with her as he was due to turn 18..(plus at this point it had cost us thousands)what annoys me is we did loads for him and are being penalised because we were invloved with social services because of her!!!so unfair... sorry needed to rant.....im not giving up,have wrote to our social worker to see if he will do a letter to fostering to say we would make great foster parents,as i had spoke to him on phone b4 we applied and he was 100%behind us...


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Sounds like another example of red tape gone mad    

I can imagine how frustrated this must make you but you are right not to give in without a fight .... if this is what you want to do then get out there and make as much fuss as you possibly can ... even go to the press, we are constantly told how desperate this country is for new foster and adoption parents to come forward and then their b****y red tape and high horses block the road.

A few years ago dh and I looked into adoption and we were told that we did not have enough experience of children to be able to adopt   they recommended that we foster for a while instead ... I found this comment utterly mad   .... for 1 I was not strong enough to have a child with me for a few days/weeks and then say goodbye and for 2 if I was not experienced enough to adopt why was I experienced enough to foster  

Like I said .... red tape gone mad 

Fight them all the way  
Goodluck
D xx


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