# I am obsessed with fertility:-(



## mrs.kiwi (Mar 20, 2011)

Hi Girls,
just need to vent really! 
I find myself constantly obsessing about fertility/babies/pregnancy and anything else that goes with it! Always looking up treatment success rates on line.
The trouble is although my dh has said we can have another try, im now not so sure 
I feel I am being selfish now, he is older than me and we have a nice life together. 
So im so worried that if (by some miracle) we actually did get pregnant that the stress, financially and physically might break us.
Im always worried about the saying 'be careful what you wish for'
I want to be a mother more than anything but the longer im not the more I doubt my ability and if I really deserve it.
Im in a constant tug of war of emotions and am aware time is ticking.
Dont know if anyone can relate bit it just feels a little better to get that off my chest anyway


----------



## KEH (Jul 22, 2014)

I thin everyone on this site, at one stage or another will have emphasised with exactly what you've just descripted. It's often such a stressful, worrying, isolating and lonely time and just know that you're not alone. I hope you find this site useful and supportive and sending lots and lots of


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Hello Mrs Kiwi, I think that tying yourself into emotional knots is all part and parcel of this hideous journey  

I too am utterly obsessed, there is barely a moment that I am not thinking about TTC or what life is like now that I have no options left and am stuck in the 'moving on category' - god knows, I am not moving on  

As KEH said, the process is so stressful and isolating, sometimes it's hard not to feel like your putting everyone else (and obviously yourself) through hell with not an awful lot to show for it.  I think that we all have moments of clarity when we doubt whether we're doing the right thing or think about whether it's time to stop.  

From someone who has had to stop before she's ready, it makes the obsession worse.  Well, it certainly has done for me.  Having no choice has thrown me into a black hole.  It is so personal though, we all react differently and come to different conclusions.  I guess you could picture yourself in a place where having a baby isn't an option any more, try it out for a month or so and see how you feel.  From what you say, I imagine that you still want to take up that chance but are just having jitters.  If you find that you feel comfortable with it though then see what happens xxx


----------

