# Never had a BFP



## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

on day 4 of 6th month of the nasty drug

just wanted to say Hi to all of you that have never had that feeling of seeing 2 lines on a pg test,

I'm feeling a little feb up at the mo,

fo


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## Allijab (Mar 7, 2008)

Hi Hun

I know exactly how you feel as I have had 6 IUI with clomid and not a wiff of a second line.

As you will see I am in the process of d/r ready for potential EC 21st Jan so I am    that this is our time.

I am sure your time will come and as my gran used to say "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger".

Take care and hope to see you on the 2ww board soon.

Jules


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Cheers Jules

normally more chipper than this but the clomid SE are doing me in,
also we've had lots of BFP on the main page, even though i'm so happy for them all its hard as lots of talk about being pg,    is that wrong of me 

Find out next step next tues at Bath clinic, are you Bath way ?

fo


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## Allijab (Mar 7, 2008)

Ah hun

I know exactly what you mean when everyone else seems to be announcing their BFP. It's not wrong its just how you feel and you want it to be your turn.

Also after 6 months of Clomid I can truly tell you that it was unbelievable how bad the side effects were and how you didn't realise until you stopped.

We are at Bristol BCRM but I have heard that Bath are pretty good and they were our 2nd choice.

I can also say that so far (I am only on day 3 of the nasal spray d/r) that the side effects are no where near as bad as the clomid.

What is your next step IVF or more clomid 

Keep your chin up    at least you can have a drink on New Years eve this year        enjoy it cos next year you might be up to your armpits in smelly nappies   

Jules


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

hi fo hunny
Just saw u here and wanted to comre and give u a hug sweet,i know how u feel about the main page as i feel like that i am happy for them but been crying at the same time,bless ya sweety im here if u wanna talk xxxxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Don't really know next step, we where sent of with 6 months of clomid

I've made this appointment next week as I'm running out of time, I'm 36 in june and at Bath you don't get a free go at IVF after 36,  

in the dark til the 6th, ivf or icsi ?  glad to hear the sprays not to bad, v worried about all that,
Please keep me posted on how it feels hun

fo

Rrrrrrrrrrr Harm hun   lovely to hear from ya lady, how's you? hope each day is getting a little easier


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

wish it was getting easier babe its getting harder so much harder thay messed up on my op so i am now going down the sueing round,still in so much  pain and just feel sooooooooooo ill just wanna go and hide under a rock really babe,how u been?wish i could be more postive sweety but i am here for ya if u need a chat xxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

no worries hun, i been following what you have been though and understand you feeling down  

I have dealt with depression since i was 18, (cyclomania) so understand the low sides of things, you just have to get though it day by day and not give up, 

take care hun  

fo


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

very hard sweet had mental health problems since early teens just find it very hard to cope hun,everything is going wrong at the mo seems like everything i touch turns to [email protected],just want something good to happen sweety,so wat u been up to ?xxx


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## JW3 (Apr 7, 2008)

FO -  , I know its so hard you think you're never going to see that line.  I really hope your appt goes well on the 6th    .  

I know exactly what you mean a lot of the girls on our thread have got bfps and you get to feel a bit left behind.  It is great for them but when will it be our turn.  Its so hard doing this clomid month after month.  DH said to me I was getting fat today and I know he's right I really need to sort it but a lot of it is this bloody clomid.

FO, Harm - lots of love to both of you,

Jenny


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

hi jenny hunny
clomid deff puts weight on ya as i was pretty slender then after 2 months of clomid i had balloon up and then i was taking other meds when i got pregnant so that didnt help,bloody clomid ay hun,how r u jen?thanks for the lots of love hunny xxx


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## Mares (Dec 27, 2008)

I've never had a BFP either...in 6 years !

I had clomid years ago and started on it again in the summer of 08.  After 3 months I had turned into a monster and due to us getting married in November (yay!), I stopped taking them in order to enjoy it ! I think part of it is that its the build up of disappointment with all the BFN's. 

I started on them again 2 days ago.  I know it will be horrible cos they make me a mess...emotional....paraniod....crying at work....etc etc......but I may as well have a last ditch attempt before we start what I feel to be proper treatment in May 09.  IUI that is.

It makes me laugh cos there you are, feeling like poo, and you're expected to feel sexy and have BMS more than usual !! helloo? its the LAST thing you feel like doing....especially if you're annoying you partner...........  oh the joys !


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## Mares (Dec 27, 2008)

....oh and another thing...each month I take clomid it makes my AF come about 4 days late, giving me false hope....its pants.


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hello Jen  

Know how you feel, have put on a stone in 6 months and (.Y.) are massive ( get in the way   )

Harm, you and I are stronger than most hun, people like us have to work so much harder at just being happy as most people take it for granted, I feel i wouldn't be me and understand so much about people if i hadn't had gone though my ups and downs.

I may be crazy   but its made me a better person, i think  

done diddly sqwot today, dizzy from clomid so just stayed on the sofa,
we have dh's brother staying with us til new year, been fab for dh as never spent this much time with his bro,
Plus its dh'd birthday tmw, so going for a meal and drinks

Hello Mares   great rant   know where ya coming from, and i bloody hurts if you have bms on ov day, not a good look gritting ya teeth and flintching with every move, yes, yes ,yes Ooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccchhhhh  

fo


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

ya fo i know wat u mean just wld like to be able to smile again sweetheart and its going to get worse for me before it gets better ah i dont know hun,wow having a bd in dec does he get double prezzies?i didnt do anything this xmas i feel for me its just for children and that hurts so much,people say its for adults to but it really isnt,u got any plans for new year hun?xxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Yes he gets prezzies twice    not far, 

quiet new years we think

well hun, i'm off to bed hun, take care and hope you get some sleep, 

much love

fo


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## JW3 (Apr 7, 2008)

Hi,

Harm thanks for asking, I'm doing ok, no clomid this month but we are still trying this month anyway, its good because at least I am not working over xmas but is still adding stress.  

Just got a smiley face on the opk today so lots of bms coming along.

Hi Mares I have also got much longer cycle after clomid, last month knew when had ovulated but then AF was late got a bit worried might have been ectopic but turned out bfn in the end.  Have you been having scans?  I only ask because I got really upset at work and couldn't stop myself crying (which is nothing like me) and when I was scanned I'd overstimmed and produced to many eggs.  Now I'm just on half a tablet a day and its not too bad.

Must go now house is real cold after heating broke down so going to get in bed,

Speak to you all soon,

Jenny
xx


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

night night fo and im here for you hunny just pm us xxxx


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

hi jenny i posted to u on the other board as my heating has broken down to it happen last night and omg i swear its getting could hunny i am under a sleeping bag and that still isnt helping hunny dont know how to get warm and i miss having a hot bath?r u with council hun? xxx


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## JamesBrown (Sep 7, 2005)

Hi FO

Never seen a bfp either.  Been ttc for roughly 3 years now.  Feel as though I'm just wasting my life away.  Staying in a job I hate (IT), not joining a gym in case I get utd and have given up things I enjoy.  I've stopped calling/hanging out with most of my friends as I just found that I'd try and talk to them about ttc and I could see their eyes glaze over with boredom.  I have a nephew who I saw on boxing day who is just totally lovely but who I find it hard to be around because I wish he was mine  
Spend most of the time googling crap and having no social life or interests other than ttc.  Feel unsexy, bloated and like a total biological loser.  Usually I'd delete a message like this but I'm not going to.
There, my rant is over.  Believe me, I feel better for it  

 FO.

J9
x


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## JW3 (Apr 7, 2008)

J9 -   its so frustrating isn't it, I'm also stuck in my job, whereabouts are you in Yorkshire, or did I ask that before?  I've met up with a few of the other yorkshire girls and found that really helpful to be able to talk to people who are in the same boat, like you say friends get hacked off after a while, but its not possible to help it because its such a major thing in your life.

Feel free to rant to us that's what we're here for

Harm luckily no I'm not with the council going to try to ring someone this afternoon as figured if I left it until today the callout charge wouldn't be so much as on a Sunday.


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

J9 well done for letting it all out, feel just the same as you hun,

can't talk to friends, google stuff all the time, and would rather be on here than talk.
we haven't been skiing for 2 years just in case i get utd, even closed my shop before xmas as to much stress,

we're in a no mans land 2 old to party every night but not in the "got a baby lets meet for lunch gang" Grrrrrrrrrr

oh well we must keep going, last day og cloimd for me  , been taking it in the evening which seems to help but wake up feeling like i have a hangover, 

much love 1 liners,   for 2 lines one day

fo


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Well clomid seems to wipe me out til about 1 ish but have been busy,

Cleaned out my Degu's, (google degu and you will see what i mean) I have 4 girls, love them

Then made a v little pond near my veggie patch to help the wild life,( dh and his brother think i'm mad as a box of frogs) and put an old hutch at the bottom of the garden so the hedgehogs, we have one that comes in so hoping he will snuggle up in there of the winter,

off for a meal and drink at our local for dh's birthday, won't drink to much as on clomid (last day today yippeeee)

fo


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## JamesBrown (Sep 7, 2005)

Hiya

Never heard of degu's before!  Cute little things.  Glad you've been keeping busy - sounds lovely, how thoughtful.  Have a lovely evening.

x


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## DK (Sep 30, 2008)

Fo hun trust me your time will come, the more you stress and worry about it it wont happen, chill out, relax and enjoy and when you least expect it bang your preg  Its so your time soon!   x


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

hi ya ladies
Just wanted to see how u was fo,jenny,j9 and dk?manage to get my heating back on today thankgod but i think things r going to get alot worse so already 2009 isnt looking good just thinking why am i still here??sorry ladies just feeling real low :-( xxxx


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## JamesBrown (Sep 7, 2005)

Hey Harmony

Don't apologise.  I know I can't say anything to make you feel better.  I really hope that you are getting all the right support where you are.  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

not really j9 i was under the mental health services but thay dont really help to be honest with you just feel all alone and i think things r going to get worse sweety,just really low wish i cld smile that would be nice,how r u j9?xxx


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

dk babe i have been in the mental health ward to and the storys i could tell is so so bad i wont go into em on here cause thay r quite bad but the mental health systeam needs a shake up big time,my longest was a month and half hunny.hope u r ok xxx


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Girls   ....only thing I would add to this thread is that you can guarantee that each and everyone of the clomid girls who have got a BFP felt exactly like you do now, they have had the same pain and heartache ... there is hope the bfp's on the clomid thread have shown that  ... and there are dreams out there for all of us .. some may be different to the dreams we started off with but don't stop dreaming ..there is plenty in life to be happy about, baby or no baby ...we are all lucky to be alive sometimes I think ttc/failure to conceive can take over our lives and we forget that ..and life is for living ..so don't forget whilst on the ttc journey to go out and have fun.. don't put your life on hold   I know from personal experience how life can be cut cruelly short 

Cat x


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

Dk hunny op went wrong babe thay was ment to take left ovary and a huge cyst and lining of womb that has endo on it what thay done was take left ovary and my tube,to say i am mad is an understatement alot happen and i am seeking sueing them now,i thought after this op my life would start and it hasnt its just getting worse,someone up there  just wants to give me rubbish wasnt enough i lost my 4th baby angel in oct grrr arrrr makes me so so mad sweety,how r u dk?sorry to go on abit there xxx


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## Lettsy (May 28, 2008)

Hello girlies,

FO I found you, was wondering where you had gone. Sorry to hear you feeling down  Have one of these to make you smile   Hope you had a nice meal!

Hello Harmony  I see your in here too 

WARNING RANT COMING UP

I finding things a bit difficult at the mo. I'm so pleased for everyone who's had a bfp but it makes me really sad. HELLO . . . . surely it's my turn now!!!!!!
My family have been so supportive but we found out on Christmas eve that my bro and his girlfriend are expecting a baby. Now my family are different around me, they keep saying "you know they weren't even trying " GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHHHH  Like that really makes me feel better! NOT

I love my brother dearly and we get on like best friends but at the moment I can't even face going to see him. I think it's because I know i'll burst into tears when I see him. God how selfish am I! 

Sorry rant over, life's just not fair. I've got another 3 months left on Clomid yet but i'm already itching to get an app. with the consultant to discuss the next step as I know i'll have to wait ages.

Hey i'll tell ya all something . . . . . WHEN I get my BFP i'm going to run down the road completely naked waving my pregnancy test in air   

and with that scary image i'm going to love ya and leave ya!
Sx


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

R lettsy hunny just wanna send big hugs ur way i am sure ur turn is just rd the corner sweety,i know how hard it is i am here if u need a chat just pm us hunny xxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi ya Let   

I'm here just had to stop reading other thread for a bit to much pg talk, v v happy for them all but hard to here about how many weeks they are and the symtoms, 
Let feel the same hun, its so hard,  

will go back when feeling a bit better, been in bed most of the day with flickering eyes and bad head ache, didn't take my last clomid tab as felt so bad, roll on 2009

Fo


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## harmony802005 (Mar 8, 2006)

hi fo sweety,big hugs babe here if u wanna talk xxxx


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## DK (Sep 30, 2008)

Hey fo hun you coming back to the clomid board we miss you! x


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## joeandwillsmummy (Aug 2, 2008)

FO - - - come back cycle buddy! One of the mods posted about keeping pg chatter to a min and there's a lot less today . . . . feel free to pm me if still not up to the board . . . why you not taking last pill? 

Miss you hon


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## Caz D-W (Aug 18, 2008)

Hello All

Just had a read through the posts here and wanted to reply as it made me cry as I can so understand how everyone feels.  I did have a much wanted BFP back in August but unfortunately it ended in tears, so am back to just hoping every month and not having any luck at the mo. I think the m/c has only made me feel more desperate, so am crashing down every month when it's a BFN (which it was again yesterday).  Am not too sure how you are supposed to stop getting your hopes up every time? - any tips?!  

Lettsy, can totally understand how you feel about your brother too - it just hurts doesn't it, no matter how happy you are for that person.  My sister-in-law had a baby in October (after subjecting us all to a 'pregnancy blog' throughout the whole 9 months!) and I have to confess that I actually burst into tears when I saw him for the first time - I couldn't help it.  Fire Opal - am more than sure that you are due some good luck soon too.  Just think we all have to 'hang on in there' - which is just rubbish when you want something so much I know!  I am at the Bath Clinic too under Mr Sharp (he's very good, but just very matter of fact, which is quite difficult when I'm finding the emotional side really hard).  I live in Bradford-on-Avon - is that anywhere near you?

Anyway, I best get on - at work today which is doubly rubbish!

Here's hoping for a very happy new year for us all

Caz
xx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi Caz

cheers for post  

soz to here you had m/c 

I'm v close to you, i'm in Box.

We're with Dr walker but only seen him once, think we're seeing Sharp on tues 

Fo


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## JW3 (Apr 7, 2008)

Lettsy   , its so hard this isn't it, I have been feeling the same my sister is pregnant and due in 5 weeks, she tells me it happened straight away but I know she stopped taking her pill much earlier.  My family didn't know how to cope with it all but luckily just now they are getting ok with it all, but they did make it worse to start with.  I'm just hoping I don't get really upset when she has the baby.  I managed to get through xmas day and opening all the baby presents and I actually enjoyed myself so it must be getting easier.


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## Caz D-W (Aug 18, 2008)

Hope all goes well with Mr Sharp on Tues FO - I find that he's always v positive so I come out feeling more positive myself (normally I'm a bit inclined to think negatively and that I'm going to remain childless, but he won't have any of that!).  


Off home in 40 mins - whoo hoo!

Have a lovely night tonight everyone

xx


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## Lettsy (May 28, 2008)

Hello Happy New Year everyone!  

Caz  D-W     you've been through a lot hunny and you're so positive. Sorry if we made ya cry. I think we're all finding it difficult especially at this time of year. Here's hoping for a good 2009.

FO - Sorry to hear you are poorly. Finger's crossed for your app. next week.  

Harmony- It's lovely everyone is so supportive and there for you when we most need it. Thanks for understanding  

JennyW- I feel so bad for feeling this way, it's very selfish of me but hopefully it will get easier. I think my family feel really awkward too and I know they desperately want the treatment to work for us. I'm hoping as you say that things will get a little easier as time goes on.    

I'm off to work at 9pm lucky me, don't really feel like hugging my work colleagues and wishing them a hapy new year, but what the heck, maybe next new year's eve i'll be changing a nappy or two!  

Sx


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## serenfach (Nov 6, 2008)

Hey ladies 

I've never seen those 2 elusive lines, either. I've found myself in all sorts of tangles with the bazzillions of tests I've done over the years. Up on the edge of the window sill, holding the stick up to the window to see if there is even the remotest of faint lines.. torch light [I have a red bathroom.. the reflection off the walls discolours lots of things] .. poor light outside if it's cloudy, so I've been running from one room window to another, _convincing_ myself I could see a second line  I've experienced every possible emotion [I'm a ridiculously sensitive/emotional person at best] and depending on what time of the month that is, that can change within the hour!? Every af seems to be different for me, but with nothing I've not experienced before.. I won't go on, you get the picture.

I'm not like that anymore [well, not _anywhere_ near as bad as I used to be]. I recall feeling angry one time, more angry than ever before and without the usual tears and upset of 'yet another BFN'. I was raging, utterly out of my mind with rage. I spent about a week alone, in my mind. Didn't go to work, isolated myself from everyone including DH - couldn't even speak to friends/family over the telephone, I smashed my bathroom to smitherines one night. I barely spoke even to my animals, couldn't eat, didn't sleep .. maybe I had a short breakdown of sorts?? I don't know, but thank God it happened is all I can say, because it changed me in SUCH a massive way. Don't get me wrong, I still get very upset sometimes and every so often I can't bare to be around friends/family with young babies [if it is at a particluar time of the month, especially] and so on, but the anger has gone. I learned what it is to 'accept' and that lesson was my saviour  The other lesson I'm learning now, is 'patience' 

 << It's ALL about that, at the end of the day . Without it, I'd be a complete and utter wreck with no chance of getting my BFP because I think all of the obsessing, worrying, guilt, despair, heartache.. it would have destroyed me by now and made me ill. You MUST pick yourself up, dust yourself down and put the BFN's behind you. Personally, if I ever want to get to see those 2 beautiful lines, I don't have a choice _but_ to Xx

>>>>>  <<<<<


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## Allijab (Mar 7, 2008)

serenfach

I couldn't have sent it better myself   

Jules


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