# Deciding on more IVF or adoption



## Jess5 (8 mo ago)

Hi,

I am hoping for some advice on how any of you came to a decision to stop IVF treatment and move on to adoption.

Here is a bit of background to my situation.
We started trying for a baby in 2010, and had an early miscarriage in 2011.
After that we struggled to conceive and so moved onto IVF in 2015.
1st cycle failed. 2nd cycle chemical pregnancy. 3rd cycle was our miracle daughter who is now 5 years old 😊
We tried for a sibling, 4th cycle failed. 5th cycle chemical pregnancy.

We then discussed and decided to not progress with anymore IVF as we had no embryos left in storage and just couldn't afford the fees for a fresh cycle. I also felt I couldn't cope with anymore physically and mentally.

Fast forward 18months and we are currently about to start Stage 1 adoption. But I am having doubts that it is for me ☹ I cannot seem to get the idea of another round of IVF out of my mind.
I am nearly 37 and so concerns me my chances wouldn't be as good as when we first started IVF.

I just cannot come to a decision about which way to go and wondered if anyone has been in this difficult position and can offer any advice?

We also have a wonderful life the 3 of us, and so I wonder if we just count our blessings and move on just the 3 of us. 

Thank you for reading 😊


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi,
Like u I have been blessed with 1 child after a long journey .
I have 1 frostie but remain realistic about the chances of it giving me a longed for sibling. 
It's a shame the adoption pages of FF have dried up. 

Like u we considered adoption ,before I managed to have our son.
In the end, after researching to the hilt I felt ir wasn't for us.
I didn't feel I could cope with the strong liklihood of attachment difficulties ,potential FASD and lifelong trauma that many adoptees live with. The constant fighting professionals for support and constant need to advocate for your child .
Purley selfish really. But I almost felt my infertility journey had been traumatic enough. I couldn't take on any more . I needed a securly attached child
(My nephew isn't adopted but does have attachment disorder so I have some experience with it)

Sorry if this hasn't been much help. I suppose I'm just drawing on my own experiences

I think of your still undecided have a look at the mumsnet adoption boards as they are very active. Sally Donovan also writes some great books on her experience of adopting siblings. Also the ******** group Theraputic Parenting uk is a wealth of knowledge too.

Only you know what is best. Best of luck with whatever u decide to do xx


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## Jess5 (8 mo ago)

K Jade

Thank you so much for responding 😊

That's exactly how I feel, I'm not sure I can face what I feel will be a very difficult journey adopting when have been through so much already.
I'm putting off filling in the forms and speaking to family who I will need as references. ☹

I'm going to do some counselling and see if that helps me come to a decision.

Wishing you all the best too 😊 xx


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## Northern (Sep 26, 2015)

Hi Jess, 
We looked into adoption after 5 failed rounds of ivf. Have you had any meetings with your local authority yet? We ended up not progressing for other reasons, but our LA was very positive about foster-to-adopt; it's a way of placing very young children/babies in a foster environment which is most likely to end up as their permanent adoptive home. It means a child comes to you much younger than if they went into foster care while court cases went through and were then uprooted and moved to new adoptive parents. It means they settle better and can form bonds at a younger age, with less trauma from repeated moves. 
Not sure where you're up to with the applications etc but it might be a good thing to look into or chat to your social worker about. 
Alternatively I don't know your history but would donor egg/embryo be something you'd consider? That can be quite successful and there are lots of options for that abroad (or oe treatment is often cheaper abroad too). 
Talk it all through with your counsellor as I'm sure that will help. 
Best of luck x


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## Faith2011 (Jan 7, 2010)

Hi Jess, 

I also started this journey in 2010. After suffering two second trimester losses and doing numerous cycles I knew I could not do it any more. We left three embryos in the freezer and moved to adoption. Our son came home at five months and is the centre of our world. If you still have that "desire" to cycle then maybe complete your IVF first. Adoption isn't going anywhere so you can still come back to it if feels right later on. 

Good luck x


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