# how do you decide?



## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

hi

sorry if this has already been asked a hundred times but ive been reading loads of posts about adoption and am now totally confused! (doesnt take a lot!!   )

anyway, how do you decide on which LA or agency to go with for the adoption process? are there different benefits for each one? is it better to go with one outside your area so the birth parents would have less of a chance of finding your little one/s? 

also will they tell you when you first enquire whether they think you would be suitable, im so scared of being rejected for this that its putting me off applying    me and dh have both been on anti depressants, ive been off mine for a couple of months now and am coping really well and dh is going to see the doctor about comming off his soon. also we have both been made bankrupt and i was discharged early (january this year) and dh is due to be discharged in august 2008. i do not want to try ivf as i couldnt handle the ttc business anymore and have accepted the fact we will not have our own bilogical children. im scared that all these factors will go against us in the application process and we wont be allowed to adopt. if that was the case i wouldnt want to look into it as i cannot face more failure at making my family.... if that makes sense?

tthanks for any advice 

jo x


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Jo

For us we went with the nearest LA at first, but they turned out to be absolutely terrible!  They would forget to ring us and then they would blame staffing issues all the time and then they kept cancelling our prep groups etc etc  So in the end we had had enough of them and decided to look to go with another LA....

Talk about the best decision we ever made - the difference was HUGE!!  Our current LA is a total dream!

From memory the first meet was quite encouraging for us and we felt quite positive after the guy had left.

They will explore your depression as part of the home assessment but if you consider how many ppl in this country suffer from it I really don't think that it would go against you.

Don't be put off at least taking the first step to get them to come out and see you - and also if you don't feel happy with them when they do you are allowed to contact other LA's within a 50mile radius of you to see if they are taking on applications.

Also don't feel bad because you decided not to do IVF - IVF is a huge step to take and is not for everyone.  I personally think it takes courage to be honest and say you don't want to go down that route.

Keep us posted.

T x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Jo

Ref depression- i have in the passed suffered with IF related depression- this was questioned a few times during HS both with our SW and also in the secondary visit (which is done at the end of home study with a senior SW) for me i had to show how i dealt with it, what i did about it if i felt my self getting into a rut, what support i had around me, DH was questioned about how he recognised my depression, they had to question it alot as you can suffer with whats called "post adoption depression" (just like post natal depression) and need to know that i will ask for help/have people around who can spot it too.

I don't know anything about bankruptcy however i know it did have on our F1 about CCJ/bankruptcy

I would recommend you go to an adoption info night in your area - if your unsure when they are then ring around the local LA/VA and ask

We approached several LA/VA in the 2yr period while we talked about adoption and chose ours for 2 reasons, firstly get got a great "feel" from them and also they are 40miles away so we have a very good chance of our children coming from them. you can apply to any LA/VA within a 50mile radius.

When a agency looks at placing children they will take into account where you live in relation to birth family/family members. i know alot of people with our LA live in the county (we live in another)

hope this info helps

Good Luck

M J
xxx


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

thanks so much for the replies

feeling a little more positive about it now. will my LA/VA details be on the BAAF website or is there a sticky thread here about who to contact etc? 

sorry for the questions again!

Jo


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Jo

All I can tell you re the bankruptcy thing is, it may well be an area where they grill you, I only say this because my friend who has just adopted was discharged from it 4 years ago but it still posed her problems. It will be put in you form f which is a report all about you and quite a few SW picked this out as being a problem when they were waiting to be matched. I don't want to worry or upset you and in the end it has all worked out well as she is now the mummy of an 8 month old baby boy. Just be aware they will bring it up as an issue.

Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey to becoming a mummy.

PBMx


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

thanks PBM, i appreciate honest answers and i had a feeling it could be a potential problem so wanted to check if anyone knew before getting to the forms stage and then panicking about it! 

Thanks everyone for all the help. I feel a bit more confident about it again and have even emailed my LA to ask about some of the questions i have raised here and to see if there is an adoption info evening we can attend  



jo x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Great news Jo.

Glad I did not scare you to much, as they say for warned is for armed.

PBMx


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi PBM

How are you this sunny sunday, we took our dog down to the local [ark for a nice walk, did the food shopping at tesco's.

I wonder if you can help me do you know if it would be easier to adopt a baby or toddler from abroad rather than UK as I cannot seem to find any info on which LA or VA in UK that have babies or toddlers for adoption, the reason I am asking this is because, we to accept the fact that we are no longer going to have our own birth child and would be nice to adopt a young child.

Thanks

crazybabe


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi CrazyBabe

Babies and children do come through however every LA/VA has to give the bleak picture to show your commitment. depends what age you are wanting as i know people you have had 1 child placed and all under 2yrs.

You can adopt over seas however you have to pay to be approved which will be done via a local LA- i believe the home study cost approx £4k (i say approx as i am not 100% sure) plus you will have other costs too.

only you can decide on which agency to go with, what age child and also what "issues/Damage" you can handle

Good luck

M J
xxx


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi MJ

Thanks for the information I have contacted various LA and VA within our 50 mile radius, we sent off our prilimary app/form off on friday to S.D so we should hear sometime soon.

I will let you know how we get on.

Thanks

crazybabe


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

good luck crazybabe!  

i have a phone interview arranged for monday with my LA ( was supposed to be friday but they were too busy) so i have a page of questions ready and waiting to be answered   still havnt been able to find many VA's around here though 

xxx


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi Jo 

Good luck to you to have a look at  the BAAF website they will give you a list of LA and VA in your area, I found it useful


Good Luck 
speak soon

crazybabe


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

well the woman was very helpful but said we need more experience with children with difficult backgrounds as working in a nursery, being an army cadet instructor and having nieces and nephews isnt enough. she said once we have this then we can think about applying and also was telling me theres some new laws out on adoption where they have to try their hardest to keep the child/ren with their birth parents before considering having them adopted/fostered so they dont have as many children coming through to them as they used to. i know they have to give all the negatives to see if you're committed but all i wanted was some questions answered and i felt like she wasnt very impressed with us  

however, the fostering team we spoke to (we have been considering both ideas, just wanted to get info for both sides) seemed really pleased with us and are calling us later to discuss whether we would like to apply and set the ball rolling. im nervous about fostering though as im not sure i wou;d be strong enough to cope with it   me and dh have been discussing things and have more questions ready for when they call us back. 

phew! such a long day!!!

jo x


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