# CindyP's Baby Boy



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Well as Tony has been so kind as to set up this thread I thought I might as well christen it with our adoption story.

We had spent 5 years ttc but were "unexplained" infertile.  We tried clomid, stimulated ovulation therapy, IUI with no success.  We contacted our then local LA to enquire about adoption.  We got as far as going to an open evening and the initial visit by a SW.  She said that we had to be sure in our own minds that we were ready for adoption and that we had finished "grieving" for our infertility.  After some discussion we realised we weren't ready.  We decided to move house to the country and change our jobs.  After settling in we decided we would give ourselves 2 goes at IVF.  

Unfortunately with our first go none of the eggs fertilised so we then went on to ICSI.  I actually got a BFP with ICSI but my hormone levels were rather low.  However we had a scan at 8 weeks and saw the heartbeat, it was very excting for us both.  Unfortunately I had some spotting 3 weeks later and another scan showed that our baby had died.  I had to have a chemically induced m/c which caused me to bleed so badly I had to have an emergency D&C and then stay in hospital for 48 hours whilst they pumped 4 pints of blood back into me.  We had some frozen embryos left from the ICSI tx so we tried FET 4 months later we no success.  We then spent Xmas 2003 discussing our next step, because I was then 40 and the risk of m/c was higher and because of the cost we decided not to pursue tx.  We always had thought of adoption as our back up plan and in January 2004 we approached our LA.

We had an initial visit from a SW which went very well and formally completed our application, we then went on a prep course in March.  The prep course went very well and we were assigned a SW and started HS in April.  Although we were not in touch with any of the other people on the course we bumped into a couple in the July who said they were still awaiting to be assigned a SW so we realised we were rather lucky.  Although we initally found the bureacracy and political correctness of the SS a bit hard we got through our HS without any hitches and was booked to go to panel in Oct 2004.  Before then we saw a little girl and boy in BMP in London which we enquired about.  Although our SW didn't seem enthusiastic she did contact their SW but they weren't yet freed for adoption so she would only take our details at that time.  

We tried not to get too excited and concentrated on our panel date.  Before we knew it we were sitting nervously at the panel table.  We were only asked two questions at panel although one of them sounded like a sociology degree homework task "How would we help prevent a child from feeling "different" whilst encouraging them to be individual?" the other question coming from a skinny doctor regarding me being overweight and feeding a child.  I told him that I might not be very good at playing the game but I did know the rules   .  Fortunately only 10 minutes after leaving the room our SW came and told us we'd been approved to adopt two children 0-5.

We stopped off on the way home for a celebratory cuppa with our SW and she told us then that they had a Form E they would like us to look at for a 10 month boy.  What she told us sounded so good we couldn't turn it down even though we had enquired about the siblings.  She came around a week later with his form and a poor photocopy of a photo of him.  His details sounded great and a good match.  Although we had originally planned to adopt siblings we felt we couldn't turn him down.  We had a visit from his SW and were told that everybody thought it was a good match and the link had been approved.  He had been in care since he was 3 months old and was due to go to Court for a freeing order in November.  We started to dream about having him home for Xmas.  Unfortunately his hearing date was postponed until the January.  We were so gutted as we'd been having dreams of our first Xmas with our own child but just had to bide our time.

We were told the hearing could take 3 days as his BM was contesting the freeing order and we were nervous that she would win the case.  The hearing was supposed to start on the Wednesday and I was at work wishing the time away until the Friday.  I was so surprised when I got a call from our SW that afternoon to say that the hearing was over in our favour, I felt so emotional that when my boss congratulated me I burst into tears.

Meetings were quickly held to plan introductions and for us to meet BM.  We actually met BM before the introductions started.  We were all a bit nervous at first but the meeting went well and we promised her that we would look after her son.  Again I felt rather emotional following the meet as I suddenly realised that this woman's loss was going to be our gain and we would finally have our family.  I think it has made it easier for us to do our postbox contact knowing who we are writing to. 

Our intros started 7th February 2005, the first time we saw him we saw this adorable cheeky little boy who was then 14 months old.  He immediately took to Lee and they played ball together.  We went back home that evening and was out with friends, I had far to much to drink and got all emotional saying "he doesn't like me, he won't want anything to do with me".  My DH told me I was talking rubbish and we carried on the next day with the intros.  It wasn't easy, he was the first placement for his Foster Carers and they weren't totally sure what to do, they let us get on with things which was good but it felt very strange looking after a child in somebody else's home.  The first time we took him out on our own was great but again it felt a bit strange thinking, "this is going to be our baby".  He came to our house for the first time on my birthday 6 days later and we had a little tea party with his foster family.  We brought him back the next day to try a night at our house.  We were very nervous but he slept fine, the next day his foster parents and 3 SW's came to our house and as he had settled in so well they all agreed the best thing would be for him to stay.

Now fast forward 16 months and we can't imagine our life without him.  As we said to our new SW last night, it's tiring, occasionally challenging but it's never dull   .  I think we were incredibly lucky as our whole process only lasted a year because I think our LA secretly had us in mind for him all along.  The strange thing is that his birthdate was only 2 weeks prior to the due date I had when I was pg and he has the same name I had chosen for a boy.  I don't like to use the word "fate" but sometimes you have to think things are meant to be and I know we were meant to be a family together.  Now we are hoping to become a family of four and are starting again.

Apologies if I've waffled but that's the story of me, my DH and our baby boy.

Cindy


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

What a lovely story Cindy.
You've got me in tears.
Congratulations you are doing a wonderful thing.
Love EJJB
  x


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## hola69 (Nov 17, 2005)

Cindy,

what a beautiflu story...sounds like it was meant to be..you were destined to be together 

I wish you all ots of happiness and love,

Lesley xxxx


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Cindy you've got me in tears   but in a nice way. Your story has reassured me that I am feeling normal. I was feeling a bit like 'he doesn't like me' as he seems to think dh is great and was giving him all the attention.
I'll be feeling more positive tomorrow when I meet him again with dd. I cannot wait  ,
Val x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

lovely story Cindy & I can not wait to read when you'll be adding your new addition to your family.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Sometimes it is hard to believe that I started this thread so long ago that my little boy has been with me for over four years and now has a little sister.  Life with him has not always been easy but I love him to bits and cannot imagine my life without him. 

I just hope that lots more people get to write their stories in this section and end up with the families they deserve as I did.

Cindy


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

You've got me in tears as well.  Amazing and moving story.  Tracy xxx


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