# Yet more babies



## helen273 (Jan 26, 2006)

We have friends who had a baby last week, and other friends whose baby is due on the anniversary of our last failed tx in Jan. 

The first couple are a bit annoying, apparently they were 'quite surprised' when they got pregnant as they hadn't really been trying. I really enjoyed (not) that conversation on the phone (and they knew we had just gone through a failed tx when they told us). 

The second couple are not annoying at all and I am genuinely very pleased for them as she had cancer last year and it was not at all certain whether she would recover, let alone conceive.

I think I am just feeling very bitter about things again and how unfair it all is. It sounds awful but I will be so glad when our friends finally stop having children (10 years now and showing no signs of abating yet) so I don't have to buy yet another present that I just want to give to my own child.

Any tips on being positive when I have to go and visit ladies??

x


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Helen

I'm sorry that things seem so raw for you at the moment - its difficult mustering the nice replies sometimes to folk when they don't seem to be that impressed with being pregnant when its something that many of us have been so driven to acheive.

Often people don't understand the reaction their news will have on us - so it depends on the sort of communication you have with your friend about whether or not you can talk about this with her. Perhaps this is not something she/they thought would happen to them, its really difficult to gauge though because 'not really trying' could mean a multitude of things - for me personally I would read that as yes they were trying but nothing had happened, so now it has its a shock for the both of them - but I don't know them like you do and can only surmise...

I hate to dump this on the end of my message to you here, I thought it would all end too when my friends stopped having kids but now I'm faced with the same friends children having kids of their own and that brings its own kind of sorrow to deal with... not that I am unhappy in my life, far from it, but it does have some bite on the bum moments from time to time.

Sending you a massive   because it can be soul destroying watching others acheive family status whilst you're still waiting in the wings. My heart goes out to you.

Love
Emcee xxx


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Hmmmm tips on being positive? I'm afraid I'm at a loss there. Although DH came up with something a little naughty   A male colleague has just had a baby - so DH says 'So that's the end of holidays for a bit, huh? And I suppose you've thought about schooling - not very good in this area, you might have to move house..." Now before I am set upon by the PC committee, DH has been having a really tough time at work with a spate of births and pg announcements. You get sick of hearing about them, really. Like you, Helen, I find it easier to be positive with some friends. It really does come down to your previous relationship with them and what they are like as people. And I pity the people who think that having babies is the be all and end all, so much so that they have to announce it to the whole office (some of whom are strangers - as if they care!)
I'm afraid I have no advice other than to play it by ear. If you are in the presence of insensitive people, perhaps you need to be a bit 'insensitive' yourself! What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Bernie xxx


----------



## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Ummm. This is a sod of a problem really.  Like Emcee says, it doesn't end. Children who were tiny page boys and girls at our wedding are now expecting their own children. All very challenging.

As for tips on being positive, I can only tell you what I do which is to deliberately focus on all that is positive in my life rather than what I might be missing. 

I see my childlessness as a small black dot on a white page, the more I focus on the dot, the bigger that dot becomes. Conversely, the more I focus on the white page, the less important the dot becomes.  Everything that is positive in my life is the white around the black dot.  Actually rereading that sounds like bonkers pshyco-babble but for me at least it works!

Good luck with the visits.

flipper


----------



## helen273 (Jan 26, 2006)

Thanks for your kind words. I have decided to leave the visits until at least after Xmas when I have started my new job and am choosing a new kitchen, so will have at least two non-baby subjects to talk about. 

It's too difficult at the moment as I just keep thinking about 'i could have been a mum by now if it had worked'

xx


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Helen,

Don't you just love Bernie's DHs commeents? Made me laugh to imagine the look on people's faces!

About your friends "not really trying" and being a bit surprised - I wonder if this kind of way of announcing it is almost what I have sometimes experienced from friends who seem to be rying to keep it low key, almost apologetic? I think that happens when people don't know what to say.

I think it is a relly good idea for you to visit when you feel ready. My only tip is that I found it can help to be totally upfront and tell people that while you are pleased for them, the situation can make you feel rather sad for yourself. By being open it makes it easier to do things like turn down the offer of holding the baby and also more likely that people will remember to talk about other things too.

Good luck.

Love Jq xxx


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Hugs to you Helen - I'm feeling the same way about our FET last year. 
Bernie xxx

P.S> JQ - I'm glad DH's comments made you smile. Since then he has been feeling really down (I think it is getting to him). But when he is on fighting form - he is very sharp!


----------

