# Embryo adoption



## dekad (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi, I am Swiss, single and doing IVF at IM in Barcelona. I am a poor responder and on my first ICSI on 31.10.10 could get only 1 embryo which did not result in a pregnancy. They suggested me the embryo adoption program.  I would like to know your feelings about it. I think it is a wonderful opportunity to adopt a child and at the same time give birth to this child, but I am also a little bit scared if I am doing the right thing, I mean, for the child.

Any exchange of experience is welcome.


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

I have donated my eggs in my last cycle in the UK, and it did take a lot of soul searching on my own and dh's side.
However, I have come to believe that it was a good thing to do, not only did I get a chance to become a mummy,  but someone else would also get that chance. The baby born of those eggs in my eyes is the child of the mother that gave birth to them, and not the woman that provided the genes.
I am not single so I do not relate as much, but I understand your feelings and know with all my heart that the woman that donates her eggs will so want you to be a mummy.
Good luck with your decision.

Sue


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hello and welcome dekad,

Some threads which you may find particularly useful - both on the singles board and off it - are here:
Singles having donor egg tx now:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=243131.0

Singles considering DE tx:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=231604.0

donor eggs vs donor embryos (covers some of the issues below re created vs donated embies etc)
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=249486.0

feelings about DE tx (before/after)
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=247712.0

My own personal view:
I'm not sure I see embyro adoption as 'adopting a child' - in the case of adoption the already born child has been given up by its parents, or its parents have been forced to give it up (eg if they are deemed unfit/unable to care for it). This is quite different to embyro donation which to me is not giving up a child, but rather donating the raw materials needed to create a child.
I am not sure how it works at IM but in Czech Republic where I had my tx, the embryos used are created by the clinic from 'spare' donor eggs (they have back up donors on pretty much all cycles) and sperm from their sperm bank. So the embryos are not donated or given by a couple, but rather more or less 'made to order' by the clinic. In this case it feels to me quite different to adoption because the donors are simply donating tiny cells, not their 'child'
If at IM the embryos are left over from couples' IVF, then this is a bit different because it does then suggest that they are if not children, then potential children of that couple - and you then have to think about the implications of that

Overall though, I sense you are asking how will donor/double donor conceived children feel about this when they grow up? And to this there is no simple answer as there is not enough research yet to conclude. What research has been done shows that children who know about their donor conceived background from an early age are more likely to be comfortable with it. There is also some evidence to suggest that children want the option to find out more about their donors. This is the stumbling block with tx abroad (ie outside UK - less relevant for you being Swiss perhaps?) as the donors are and remain completely anonymous which means the child will never have more than the basic physical characteristics and never be able to trace the donors. 
In the UK, when the child turns 18, they can access contact info for the donors. My children will not be able to do this as I had tx abroad, and I do worry whether this will affect them but at the end of the day I am hoping that they will simply grow up knowing and accepting that they cannot have this information - and that the love they will get from me and my family will be enough.

Another resource is DCN (Donor Conception Network - you can google it) - whilst they are there to support everyone having donor tx of any kind, I feel they are a little biased towards ID release tx (they are a UK organisation and tend to be pro people staying in the UK for tx to ensure child can contact/find out about donor later) - but nonetheless they have good resources and reading materials on their site

Hope this helps and feel free to send me a private message if you want to chat further re DE tx - I think I've also talked quite a lot about my views and feelings on one or two of the threads above anyway!

wishing you the very best of luck - this is not an easy journey but all those women I know who now have their DE conceived babies would say that they don't regret it for a second 
Suitcase
x


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## dekad (Nov 9, 2010)

Thank you so much Sue and Suitcase! there is a lot to think about!!!


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

yes, there is an awful lot to take into consideration when moving to donor eggs. If you can get it, some counselling may be helpful - although only if it's a counsellor who specialises in fertility/infertility and has some experience of the issues as otherwise I found them to be more harmful than helpful! I managed to find a really good counsellor 3rd time round which helped me to work through a lot of the issues before going ahead

good luck!
Suitcase
x


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Dekad hello
I had double donation at IM as opposed to embryo adoption. But my understanding is that the embryos are donated by couples who no longer need or wish to store them for future use. But you'd best check that with IM. I have two frosties on ice there which I would like to think I would go back for. If they turn out anything like m little boy I will be very lucky! Rlx


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## dekad (Nov 9, 2010)

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am listing some questions that I will send to IM to clarify their offer as they also offered me 'fresh embryos'. Well, anyway, this practice, as far as I understood, is quite new, about 6 years here in Europe? I feel like I am going to be one of the pioneers of it and we will only be able to have a clear idea of it when our children will be old enough to star questioning us. For me, definitely, telling the truth since the beginning is the best way. I will start again my treatment in January 2011 and until then I have some time to clarify many things that are going on in my mind.

It is really nice to read about your experiences and I hope we can keep updating it from time to time.  

dekad


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## dekad (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi Girls,

I have done my first cycle of embryo adoption at IM Barcelona on 18.01.2011 and just got my positive yesterday!!!!!!  I am pregnant!! My first scan is scheduled for 15.02.2011.

Thank you all for your support and nice replies. Suitcasesofdream, your e-mail helped a lot.

Regards


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

Congrats and well done


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

happy to have helped   
and of course HUGE congratulations - all the best for your first scan and the rest of your pregnancy    

Suitcase
x


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## Lillyan (Jan 14, 2009)

Hi Dekad,
I hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread. First of all - congratulations on your BFP! Fantastic news for you & very best wishes for your scan on the 15th. 

I just wanted to ask you a couple of things about your recent cycle if you wouldn't mind? As you can see from my signature I'm in a similar position and have just had a negative result from OE-IVF - I knew my chances were very slim but I needed to try it once. I'd been making enquiries with various clinics about embryo adoption since 2009 and I am now moving ahead with this. I want to pursue embryo adoption rather than donor sperm + donor egg. What I wanted to ask you was what made you decide on IM in Barcelona? did you look into many other places too? Is there any advice you can offer in terms of things to look for (I did my OE-IVF at a clinic where I live in Ireland, and they treat immune issues so that was why I chose them - I can also use them as a satellite clinic when I go abroad). My main deciding factors in choosing a clinic are if they treat single women, cost, waiting time and if they'll match the donor characteristics with mine (apparently some clinics in Spain won't do this as it's against the law in Spain??) and other things like travel logistics. There are just so many clinics to consider and I just wanted to ask someone who's specifically undergone embryo adoption. Thanks in advance....
L


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