# To Tell Or Not To Tell



## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

Hi Everyone! 

We have our first appointment with Lister in January! We are so excited! I will (if my tests are ok) be sharing my eggs with another lovely lady

My question is did you tell people you were having IVF? If you did or didn't what were your reasons?  I'm on the fence. We've told my parents and a couple close friends. I guess because no one knows we have been trying it might seem odd to come out with us doing IVF. At the same time it's nice having a large support group. 

 x


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## Scrummy (May 9, 2011)

I have just had ec yesterday and i have told everyone i am doing IVF
My reasons- IVF is very emotional and physically draining and if people dont know what your going through they cant understand.Alot of people dont realise people have difficulty and cant appreciate how stressful things are without knowing and being able to be educated.
Once i told people i found 2 other couples i know are also going through it and have found people ask question and want to know how it works.

I couldn't have gone through it without the support of people i know work colleges friends and family.

If it doesnt work i know they will help me pick up the pieces and try again


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

Thanks Scrummy! I'm   you get your BFP!!
I do get your point and have been thinking how I'm going to get around this with work. They know I had my fibroids but don't know about the fact they were discovered bc of TTC. Everyone gossips so bad in my office I don't tell anyone anything. I've had a few follow up appts already and thought maybe I could just say all my appts are for further testing. I think I'm more open to telling friends and family than work. I feel like I don't want the constant questions and if (touch wood) it doesn't work than everyone feeling sorry for me.
Why oh why do we have to go thru this in the first place?? At least I am glad we live in a time where advancements in medicine give us this opportunity!
We've got a month to decide and I'm sure I'll go back and forth a dozen times.

Thanks again x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi  

I told lots of people on my first cycle but then had to tell lots of people when it didn't work which was awful. So the second cycle I only told a few close friends and family members so there weren't too many people to tell when that also failed   The same few people knew about the 3rd cycle but in the end I had to ask them to stop asking about it all the time as I was really anxious and expected it to fail again and couldn't handle all the questions, whereas the other cycles I didn't mind. I know they meant well etc but it got too much so nobody apart from the in laws, my boss and 1 close friend knew about the bfp. However when it went wrong I did tell a few close friends as I knew I'd need the support but when we have our next tx we're not telling anyone. God I sound like a bitter person   
It's a personal decision and I'm only offering my advice having had a few cycles of tx, fingers crossed you'll only need the one and it won't be a problem   
If you have gossips in your office I'd be inclined not to tell them. Like you say tell them you have a follow up or the dentist   You may also find that not everyone is as sensitive as you'd imagine. I have a friend who is a lot, lot younger than me and she has been an amazing support yet my best friend comes out with all sorts of insensitive comments, not on purpose but still, not what you want/need.
Best of luck to you both


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## nikki76 (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi there!

We didn't tell absolutely anyone!!! Not even my parents! Reasons: I didn't want people to keep on asking me how it's going and what's the progress like, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me if it didn't work- it would just make it difficult for me to get over it- I didn't want people to make any weird nasty comments about my ivf baby and believe u me, no matter how close ur girlfriends r, there is always a possibility u hear something u dont want to hear! Generally I didn't want anyone to know my business
I loved the fact that is was our own little secret, and I have to say this brought us even closer together

I absolutely see what u mean about support from others but what helped me enormously was FF and the fact that I met some lovely FF ladies cycling at the same clinic!

I wish u all the best!


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## Quiet storm (Feb 20, 2006)

I will keep it quiet, we did all through because I think there is extra pressure when you do and we didn't want to put ourselves through that.


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