# The nerves (and doubts) are setting in



## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Please, someone tell me this is normal!

I've thought long and hard about this choice for years, and started to look into it and make clinic enquiries at the end of 2011. I have just completed paperwork for the clinic of choice, and all being well should be starting treatment in my October cycle.

Then last night, I laid in bed after looking up flight schedules and planning how I'm going to get to/from airport and it suddenly hit me. I couldn't sleep. I started to panic about what I was doing. Am I rushing things? Why am I even doing it? What will my family say and how will they initially react?

I truly think that this has all become apparent that my (younger) sister got engaged last weekend. 

My head is all over the place. Her wedding is the end of next year so I have already told myself that I will give myself 3 attempts at IUI over 6 months maximum so that I'm not heavily pregnant at her wedding.

Not going to lie, I cried myself to sleep last night in confusion. Long term, I know that this will work out and things will be great, but the panic is more about the next few months, emotionally. 

Is this a normal sequence of doubt that most women going through this kind of procedure experience? 

Thanks to all who read.


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

- think we'd be more concerned if you didn't have a blip.  I had / have plenty.

You are still relatively young - if (fertility wise) you can afford to delay, it maybe worth looking into some counselling to talk through everything.  I found it a great help when moving onto DE.

What is it that's really worrying you or is it just the enormity of it all?  

Tis xx


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Hello there, so sorry you've been having a hard time. I think it's safe to say that we've all had doubts at various times on this journey. It is a big and life changing (hopefully  ) decision Nd it is easier to stick with the status quo in the short term at least. You are still young and as Thetis says you could consider having some counselling to help you with your decision making. It may just come down to a gut reaction though at the end of the day. You said you've been seriously considering this for a while and maybe this is last minute jitters (for want of a better description). I know personally I delayed my decision much longer than I wish I had but there's no regrets in doing that now little ones are here, as every decision or non decision led to me having E & R. Wishing you lots of luck with your decision making and the exciting path you are on!

Love and hugs F xx


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi

I agree with what the others have said about perhaps gettng some counselling to talk things through.  I definitely had doubts - I remember laying there after my embryo transfer (which resulted in my DS) thinking "OMG! What have I done?!!"    So glad I took the plunge though!   

Keep chatting on here too if it helps   

GIA Tooxxx


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Thanks ladies, sometimes it's just nice to let it all out and have some reassurances that I'm not the only one to feel like this!

The end result I have no worries about (well, natural worries but not anything that would stop me from going through with this!). It is literally the thought of having to deal with my family's reaction. I'm not particularly close to my mother or siblings. I was closest to my dad but since he died I only have my mum and siblings, so having a bad reaction from them is my main fear. 

My friends, who I consider my family, have been amazing and I know I have a fantastic support system through them. I tried to broach the subject with my mother last year, I asked her to come along to a fostering and adoption seminar with me because I was exploring that as an option, but she was outraged at the idea. She has issues with adoption anyway (having gone through it herself as a child and not having a very pleasant upbringing due to it). 

I'm really relying on her and my siblings warming to the idea once the shock wears off. If not, then so be it. Life goes on. It just goes to show what kind of relationship we have, and one that I don't feel can/I want to salvage if they don't agree with this choice of mine. Knowing my mother, she will think the worst outcome and cry and shout because she assumes it means she has to take control (she did this to her niece who got pregnant out of wedlock at 42...oh the horror) because she can't understand how anyone can possibly manage...ok, going to stop before I go OTT 

At the end of the day I am an adult, I've done the marriage thing and it didn't work out. I'm happy on my own for the foreseeable future. I am financially and (relatively) emotionally stable. I have my own home and a great job with maternity support. 

I was the same way when I got engaged, petrified as to how I was going to tell her. She did just as I expect she will do with this, stay quiet yet in noticeable disagreement, and then shout at me in panic as to how I could possibly manage. Mothers eh?

I wish my Dad was still around, he was so much easier to deal with! haha Regardless of his opinion he'd just smile and be happy for me because he trusted me enough to make my own choices. I feel like such a naughty child around my mother!

OK I'm definitely ranting now haha. Thanks for listening


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

can choose your friends ..   


Families are another matter.  I was bricking telling my dad - but he shocked me! He was really quite positive.  I did tell him - leave theirs for a couple of hours and then went back to see how he'd processed it.  The only question he had he asked mum - which was 'what happens if the donor has a big nose?' (think this is because my exes nose was huge    )


I really hope that your mum comes round and accepts your decision - or if she can't accept it she supports you.  I've grown so much closer to mine since I've attempted to go down this route.  


Take care - always pop in here and sound off ..


Tis xx


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

pollita my mother totally freaked, one of the first things that she said was that it could be worse, I could be a prostitute! I think that she changed her mind because she then spent quite a while shouting and crying at me but slowly she started to come around and now she sees my two heaps and they love her to pieces. She still doesn't agree with what I did but she loves the end result and we're much closer now than ever before. Perfectly normal to wobble and worry   


bingbong x


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## Matilda7 (Feb 22, 2011)

I think it's perfectly normal to have doubts and panics once you actually start making firm plans to do this.  I had similar wobbles when I made my first appointments and then when I was actually going through the treatment.  Actually, when I was having treatment there were days when I convinced myself I didn't want to do it at all and if the cycle didn't work then I wouldn't try again - looking back now I think that was a self protective thing - if I convinced myself that I didn't want it anyway then it wouldn't matter if it didn't work.  It's a huge step and I think it's only natural that there are moments of doubt, no matter how much and for how long you've thought things through xx


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