# Stark raving bonkers to relocate while ttc?



## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Hullo  

To cut a long story short - I got made redundant at the end of November...and boy do I feel redundant now    There just aren't any jobs in my sector in this part of the country.  Opportunities have always been few and far between and with the cuts, well I'm realistically facing long term unemployment.  

 Am I completely stark raving bonkers to consider relocating for work while ttc?  I have a flat and a mortgage where I am but money is so tight that I will probably have to sell if I stay.  Or should I just give up on everything?   I'm at a pretty low ebb and not sure how much more I can handle which makes relocation difficult too.  On the upside I've always 'exported'.  I'd feel better about my chances for success if I commit to finding a job/place to live rather than shilly shally about with half made decisions.

I desperately need to get a life but I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  At this rate there will be no baby.  Answers on a postcard pretty please.  

Diesy xx

PS  I'm seriously considering London as a move.   I've tried smaller places twice before but it was quite lonely whereas I have friends already in London.  Although I'm very aware of the costs of life in London and the affects on time off if I were to get pg and have a    Timing ain't my strong suit.    (Even as I reread this is seems nutz!)


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## Bambiboo (Oct 23, 2009)

Diesy

Just a quickie Hun but I say - Go for it!!! Sounds like a move close to friends will be a breath of fresh air and no reason why you would need to stop ttc just maybe move clinic and there's plenty in London!

Good luck x x


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hey Diesy     

Bambiboo has a point, a change is as good as a rest, as they say, and if the prospects north of the border are so dire and not looking much like changing any time soon, it doesn't seem like you have a lot to lose by upping sticks??  As i have said to you already, be good to put some feelers out from where you are and see what you can set up before you make the move but in reality what difference does it make where you physically are to ttc etc?  And if there's currently nothing doing where you are then things can only get better with a relocation?

Could be fab and just what you need!

GGxx


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Diesy - I don't think you're bonkers at all! If you have a better chance of finding work and you can be near friends, then it sounds like a very logical step to me! It's easy to change clinic and sometimes a new viewpoint can make all the difference (I had treatment in London initially, then South Africa!). 

It sounds like doing something positive re: job and relocation would help you cope with tx, which is stressful even when everything else is going smoothly!

Good luck hun - keeping fingers and toes crossed for you that just the right job turns up!

Rose xx


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Diesy - I don't think - but know you're bonkers      ... Honey - go with your   .... 


You're a pretty intuitive woman and what does your intuition tell you?  
Bricks and mortar is just that .... However your happiness and contentment is so much more important ...     
I always succeed much more undress stress .... may moan like mad about it at the time though..   
You've some lovely friends in London - probably just what you need tbh.  Any chance you can rent out the flat?  It's in such a fab location.


    don't be down - we're here to listen and support honey.


Mini


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

Go for it id say although i would consider if actually in london is a great idea price wise- theres loads of places in striking distance of london that arent so expensive if that is an issue! I woudl think postively and find somewhere you would want to live with LO !!!!


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Oooh!  I'm not off my trolley then!  Yay!    Thaaaanks!!!  All   here.

I just feel so trapped without prospects and I do feel that those feelings would affect my success at ttc also.  It's making it hard for me to feel positive about anything.  

Bambiboo, you're so right about blast of fresh air.  

Thanks for the email support GG, it helped focus my reasoning no end.  (Fingers are crossed for you on Wednesday btw   )

Rose, I suppose putting a positive spin on it like you are saying will help   After all, if I'm sitting around spending every last £ on tx with nothing coming in I'll be even more stressed out.

My intuition is   at me to get out Mini  

Morrigan, good plan!  I'm probably better to see where I might be working before looking at areas.  Plus I do want to find somewhere to settle, can't be doing with moving all the time these days.  

So probably best to rent my place out to begin with?  As opposed to selling, although if I can't afford to live here would I just be better selling up?  Mini   you've caught me out, I did thinking about renting it when I bought.  I've also seen something in Bath.  Well, I'd better  the CV and see if anyone wants me before I do anything else.

Thanks for all the support  means a lot!!! xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

Hi Diesy  

Well, as Mini says, move on from the "am I bonkers" question...    

Will it be possible to keep your flat but rent it out like Mini said? A friend of mine from the north east did that and moved down here to have her baby. She still has her flat but rents down here. 

 It's horrid feeling so unsettled. I felt very similar but a lot of that went when I had my first treatment, even though it was unsuccessful. I think it took a lot of pressure off. I don't think it matters where you are for ttc. 

Email on the way!   You're not crazy to think about relocating. As Mini says (again! haha!) you are really intuitive. You know a good path to take  

T xx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Just to say - you seem to be energised enough to relocate while ttc and any move that increases your prospects  of employment, financial security and proximity to good friends has to be a winner!

Any other Ffr in London who would be interested in a house share with you?  It could be both economical and supportive if you found the right match ...

Best of luck

 
Maya


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Tommi - yeah, last week I got the feeling that if I just go and 'get done' a lot of the pressure would be lifted...and it would be one thing off my to do list, at least for 2 weeks  My flat is good to rent, but worried about the hassle and there is a £100 per month management fee so that really cuts into the rent, oh, as well as the mortgage. And if I can't afford to live here or don't want to right now, maybe I'd be better to sell and then free myself up to buy. Although I would have a little to go towards another rent. Gosh, I hate being a grown-up!  at me being bonkers already - you and Mini know me toooo well!!!



Maya7 said:


> you seem to be energised enough to relocate while ttc


Maya - I'm going to commit that to memory pronto to spur me on! I don't really feel it. I feel like I am at the bottom of a big hill BUT all the replies have given me a great boost!!! Mmm...getting kinda excited  Yeah, would be up for a share with another FFr or anyone else nice  Ooooh, what to do first 

I'll be back - Diesy xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

Hi Diesy  

I woke up thinking about this. For me, the most stressful time was when I didn't seem to be doing anything but trying to work out what to do. I wanted to have everything in place (and I mean everything... I thrive on the most ridiculous attention to detail which makes doing editing jobs and writing jobs - that most people hate - easy for me but can be paralysing in my personal life). Once I had let go of the things I couldn't immediately do anything about I felt a lot better. And once I had started on the treatment journey a whole load of stress lifted. 

Have to admit though... that was replaced by another kind of stress   !! My first clinic was very slow to start treatment (3 months) and then wouldn't let me have back to back treatments. And you will need to be very   when they go on and on and on about age! But overall it feels like a purposeful kind of "stress" rather than the paralysing kind I did have.

That's all a very long-winded way of saying make the appointment! Start the process of treatment if that feels close to "right" and that will free up a whole load of headspace for your other decisions. The great thing about the treatment journey is that you can pause it at any time. The only time you can't do that is if you get a BFP!

   That's just based on how it has been for me. I don't mean to persuade you onto a path that feels wrong, but even if your first treatment works      you still have 9 months before baby is here. And if it doesn't work first time, there is time to fill between treatments and I have found I've been really productive in other areas (if not in making babies!). 

I hope all that makes sense  

T xx


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Diesy, bit late to this sorry, but I agree with the others and say go for it. If you stay where you are, you will probably continue to feel as bad as you do now about your whole situation. It may be just what you need, new location, new job, new clinic, new baby   . Good luck   

Lou-Ann x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

I agree best to move - sounds like your work/life prospects would be much improved elsewhere

re renting out your place vs selling - how quickly do you think it will sell vs rent? I wasted a yr trying to sell mine whilst not living in it - all that money on mortgage/bills/council tax etc which could have been averted if I'd let it out (the joys of hindsight!) 
talk to some local estate agents to get a feel for which would be easiest - if you can sell easily, prob best to do that, but if not, better to let it out so you can get things going with the move

best of luck, it's stressful, but better than feeling stuck in a rut with no work etc
 
Suitcase
x


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Diesy....what have you got keeping you where you are now? If it's nothing (now there is no job there) then what reason do you have to stay? Sounds like a fresh start someplace new could be just perfect for you right now. And if you do end up in Bath let me know...it's not too far from me!


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Bath's not too far from me either - or Langtang, Muddypaws (both singles with bubs who rarely post these days), Grace and Silverbird!  So you'd have plenty of support close by while TTC.   


A-Mx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

It's do-able in a day from here too, and there's a direct train


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

And not far from me either!! Fab xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Gosh no Lou- Ann, thanks, nowhere near late, need all the support I can get!!!  It's good to hear I haven't totally lost the plot.  

Thanks Suiti, moving 500 miles south wasn't part of the plan but I need to get out of this rut.  Flats where I am are pretty sought after for rent or buy but rent would probably shift faster.  It's a hassle to rent out and then more difficult to sell if rented, I think.  A year is a bit of a slog but you weren't to know when you set out.

Yup Caramac, not a lot holding me here.  And work is such a downer.  I constantly demote and reduce salary just to get a job here.  Quite fancy Bath   

I've had a heap of practise relocating already but it just seems harder this time.  Deep breaths, I feel it's a bit like sticking my head in the mincer but maybe I need to reframe that a bit    I do want to find a place where I really want to live too.  Before I've moved solely for a job and it hasn't quite worked.

Thanks Inde & Tommi & Mini   lots of people to visit!  Very good to know people are around  

Eeek Tommi, hope I haven't given you nightmares    I do feel some of this horrid pressure will lift once I leap.

Wee bit stressed so thanks for the forward positivity   
Diesy xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

No nightmares! You just got me thinking  

T xx


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Bath is lovely Deisy...however I'm not sure whether there are any clinics locally that will treat single women. Something to look into if it's important to have tx in this country?


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Caramac, funnily enough the clinic in Bath does treat single women - Muddypaws went there.  No possibility in Bristol however.  There is no sperm bank though so you need to transport or import it from elsewhere.


A-Mx


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Really Inde? Thanks for that as I didn't realise! Had I known I might have gone there instead of Reprofit!


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Yep - small clinic but more progressive than its larger brethren down the road in Bristol with respect to treating single women.


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## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

Caramac - Bath wouldn't treat singlies for a long time so I ended up at LWC for J.  By the time I wanted to try for G they would treat us but I decided to stay with LWC.  Of course if I hadn't I would not have my beautiful daughter and if you had gone to Bath instead of Reprofit you would not have your wonderful little monkey!  Serendipity I think they call it!

Diesy - come down!  We are meeting up on 4th Feb so get down here soon!


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Thank you for the welcome Grace    Info on clinics also very good, sorted on that front for the moment.  (Feels like I'm talking about someone else   )  Would be nice to be able to get to a meeting too.  Will miss my Glasgow FFr though 

Eeek: Phase 2 
I've been thinking about this potential move way before I had to organise my op.  Then when I posted I thought I needed to have a job in the pipeline before I started ttc.  I'm wondering after Tommi's post and everyone's encouragement if I shouldn't just have a go while I apply  One reason I thought I didn't want to is because of that whole qualifying date for mat leave and probation period.  Am I micro managing?  (Tommi, I may well have your attention to detail problem.)  I've been putting off doing ttc for too long!  Inde, I see from your signature you've delivered one baby and are working on the second since I started my research!!!

On the downside feeling a bit run down - cold, awol AF (stress)...which actually helps out with timing.  

Cheers m'dears!    All thoughts welcome - Diesy xx


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## Marra (Nov 30, 2010)

hi Diesy - just reading your post now and I'm sorry it's a tricky time for you. It's so hard having to make all kinds of decisions at the same time, but as people are saying maybe just go for the changes and as the new things happen you will begin to feel better. I think a move sounds like a good plan, especially down south if you fancy that and have friends there. As for treatment, the worry is that you could just keeping putting it off month after month and you don't want to look back and think oh I wish i'd started my cycles earlier. It might be a bit stressful looking for a job and moving whilst TTC, but then you are saying you are not feeling happy at the moment and you may suddenly become more positive and happy when you start making some changes, which can only be a good thing for TTC!

Sending hugs    and hope that things soon become clearer for you.

Marra
xx


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Diesy, don't beat yourself up for taking time to make decisions - it took me a couple of years of thinking before starting TTC, and several months before I got my head around using DE to continue my family.  Between 2003, when I first went to a clinic and 2010, I managed to have one baby - so the two in two years business has rather come out of the blue!   


A-Mx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Thank you Marra and Inde    I think I am having an especially tough time because I've been ill, lost my job and paying for that op has broken me financially.  I saw my GP today and although he's never dealt with someone who has had a myo he thought I needed to wait another 6 months before I can do ivf.  My ultrasound came back good but I still get a bit of discomfort if I'm no my feet a lot.  They just say it's a post op thing.  Now I feel I have to try to find the £330 to get to see my consultant in London    Feeling a bit sorry for myself.  But I remember there are those having tougher times and my heart goes out to them too      
I probably sound really mixed up.  Yesterday I was even thinking I could cram in an IUI this month and today everything has gone   All this talk of moving and getting a new job and I'm actually not 100% fit yet.  

I have been thinking about going it alone for about 4 years and here I am, no job, no cash and no clue tbh.  Not looking that good right now.  I think I'll just have to be happy about everyone else's bfp's, bumps and babies for now.  

 to everyone and thanks for all the support.  Off for a bit of a   now and then I'll feel better!
Diesy xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

There's an email in your inbox Diesy. Just wanted to say hang in there. You have loads on your plate and I really hope tomorrow is a much better day.

      

T xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

How are you today Diesy?  
T xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Hello Tommi    Thank you honeybunch, extra attention always welcome when feeling very blah    I think my brain has over heated, it's like totally not doing anything apart from    I'm going to feed it trashy literature and doughnuts and until it it starts whirring again.  Wondering if the hard drive is just too full now.  Mmm...oh well.

I'm off to resurrect the IUI topic for you!  Diesy xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

Good to hear from you!   Trashy literature sounds like a great tonic.   Hard drive just needs time and space... and a donut or two! Email on the way...  
T xx


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

Just a quick   for you Diesy

I would try and convince you to move to Wales like I do eveyone but I've no idea what line of work your in to know if there are jobs about!


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## Minnie35 (Oct 28, 2009)

Hiya Diesy, I've just read this thread for the first time now!  From everything you've said, relocating sounds like a fab idea! I too am a weathered relocater(?) and know how draining it is, but how inspiring it is too. I'm senging you a pm as soon as I've written this.


4 and a half years ago I decided I really needed to try living up in Leeds again and, owning my flat here in London, was terrified of all that this would involve.  But I'd say that firstly there is no need to feel tied down by owning a place, specially if it should be easy to rent - just make sure as best you can that everything's checked and in working order and find somewhere reasonable to rent in your new town.  Secondly, I couldn't afford to have my flat managed by an estate agent while I was away, and found it was cheaper to pay for a British Gas homecare agreement so that my tenants could call them should something go seriously wrong.  I did have to do the odd trip down to visit when there were specific problems but honestly you manage.


Also, if you moved and then eventually decided it wasn't the right place for you, you're not tied to anywhere or anything - and along the way I'm just so sure you'll have made some bloomin' valuable progress.  


As for going for tx too, oh it must just feel like so many decisions - oh I'll carry on in email, I always do waffly posts!


Sending lots of       ,


Minnie xxxx


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## Minnie35 (Oct 28, 2009)

Ah, I emailed you, not pm-ed! Didn't know I could do that  !  xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Thanks Silverbird - how are you doing?    It wouldn't take much persuading for me to move to Wales!  I   Wales.  I'm on about my 4th career so that makes life interesting.  If I see anything nice in Wales I will be in touch  

Hi Minnie - thank you for the email    I have just sent you one back.  I think I have decided to let the flat out, I'll probably do it myself too but if I run out of time I will get an agent to get the tenants in.  I feel like I am writing fiction right now because I have no idea how this is going to run.  

But, yay, that is one decision made   so cheers to everyone for the encouragement with that.  I've made an appointment to see a fertility counsellor next week despite the cost    I think there is going to be no option but to relocate now so I'm going to see what else is going on in my head.  I'm going to start applying and see how I get on.  If I don't get anything quickly I will need to put my flat up for sale in the spring and take things from there.  I am feeling a bit more positive about a move now.  I think the thing was that relocating goes against what I think I should be doing, ie nesting.  But as the man says, 'I need the dollar dollar, dollar is what I need'.

 to all!  I'm off to read the immunes thread, don't even ask, I WANT SIMPLE not complicated!
Diesy xx


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

I'm good thanks Diesy.  Would be fab if you moved to Wales, I'm getting worried I'll be the only choice mum in this country (though thankfuly there's indie, grace, carmac and others across the border).

It's funny how we get ideas about what we should be doing in our heads isn't it? What you should be doing is building a happy life for yourself and your future LO.  Surely nesting is about finding the right nest? You'll nest just great when you find that.  Hoping it all falls in place soon!


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Well I will definitely be visiting Wales!  So even though it's unlikely you're the only choice mum you won't be the only one all year long   Does that make any sense?  Sometimes I don't apparently  

Hey, yeah, I'm just gonna let go and get nesting at the last minute, like you say.  I'm just trying to line up some mat pay now with a job.    Thanks, yes, I'm hoping some of the jigsaw is going to make at least a bit of a picture soon


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

silverbird - am sure you can't be the only one in Wales, perhaps the others just haven't found FF yet
come to think of it I'm sure kimberley is from Wales - she doesn't post any more but she has 2 little ones...

and my parents are both Welsh so that makes me kind of a Welsh choice mum even if I live in Surrey   

good luck with the relocation plans Diesy, whereever you might end up - kind of exciting to have a blank canvas to work on   

Suitcase
x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Thanks Suiti!  Posting has really helped me sort a few things out so I've moved forward from where I was last week.  Given me more confidence.   I think I've got the point where I can take action and just see what happens.   

Aye, I'll be in Wales soon to see you Silverbird 

Diesy xx


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

Deisy and Suity,

I know I'm not the only choice mum in wales but I haven't met any other yet.  So glad you've got a plan and more confidence Deisy.  Good luck.  And see you soon I hope!


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Silverbird - am off to Wales soon .. Love it there!  A very good friend lives there.  Am only in Devon so not too far away.


Diesy - am sure Wales misses you xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Mini     xx


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