# Bubble and Mr Bubbles journey to find their forever family



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So today was a BIG day in the Bubble household. 

We rang the adoption agency to officially start the application process to become a forever family.
*knees knock* 

Anita was lovely and very helpful, I just wish I knew if my history of depression would be an issue....
She also seemed a little hesitant about our number of pets BUT fingers crossed 

The start of a VERY long road but one it's time to walk xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Oh my days they called back already first visit is Nov 14th... What do I ask ?


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulations!! The start of a brilliant journey (although I may be biased  ) Many of the ladies on here have similar histories and it is not surprising as we have all gone through trauma of  some sort. As long as it's been dealt with positively you will be fine. Going through it, learning coping strategies and coming out the other side shows strength and commitment and can often work in your favour. They will look at pets and do assessments and again, many of us have pets, some multiple as they have filled a hole and allowed us to mother. It doesn't have to be a long road, we were less than a year from our official application being accepted to bringing our daughter home. Not much longer than a pregnancy really. And less stretch marks   good luck to you hun!


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## GoofyGirl

Welcome Bubbles  

A history of depression won't necessarily be an issue, like Lolly says, just discuss it and be honest. They will want to know how you have dealt with it and ensure that you are well now.
Same for pets, will be assessed!
Good Luck!!
GG


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## -x-Lolly-x-

I have read that of the girls are still on medication for depression and as long as it's managed and they know the warning signs about it escalating and can discuss what they will do and what support they have, well, they have been just fine. At your visit they will talk about the process, the children needing forever families, training and will look at your home, discuss why you want to adopt, look at support network, lifestyle and question whether your finances and health will allow you to meet a child's needs. I suggest you write down dates of wedding, moves and treatment as they will ask and under pressure your mind may go blank!


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks ladies  

Lolly congratulations on becoming a forever family, I think our LA is meant to be fairly quick (fingers crosses) I am still on medication BUT even my consultant says I'd make one of the best parents he's met lol  

We have 4 cats, 2 lizzards, 1 rabbit, 1 chinchilla and 2 dogs .... Let's hope they like animals   

Goofy - Thank you so much, I feel like it's all happening far quicker than I expected (which considering I'm so impatient sounds odd)
x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Like living in a petting zoo that's most children's dream.  I don't see any of that being an issue personally. Good  luck first visits are scary but soon pass by before you know it xxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks DIY  I know our friends kids LOVE our house because of the animals  

I'm so grateful to have FF to see me through this new journey


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## SummerTilly

Bubble - congratulations on your decision!

Your menagerie should be fine - I have 3 dogs and 1 cat and was approved  

They will just focus on a LO without asthma for you and I agree with DIY Diva - having pets is something a lot of children love the thought of xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Summer - My only concern is my dogs can be a little over friendly when you give them attention but at 5 and 4 months surely they'll appreciate that ? xxxx


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## Macgyver

Bubble congratulations on your decision and hope you have a wonderful journey. Good luck xx


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## Starmaker73

Bubbletastic said:


> Thanks Summer - My only concern is my dogs can be a little over friendly when you give them attention but at 5 and 4 months surely they'll appreciate that ? xxxx


The only issue my SW had with my big galloping gallof of a puppy was his jumping and over friendly nature. She asked if I'd consider one to one training for him. I called a specialist and we are in the middle of a 4 session block. It's worked wonders already.

Good luck on your journey.


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## Jelly.B

Bubble, so so over the moon for you!!!!      can't wait to hear more about it and follow you on this magical journey xxxxxx
Always here for you chick


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## Wyxie

Hi Bubble, I'm guessing from where you had your ICSI you may be quite local to us.  Do you mind if I ask who your LA are?  We're on the border of Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire and there are a couple of decent LAs around here.

Pets aren't an issue unless they're an issue if you see what I mean..  But, SS are really paranoid about dogs.  They will want to know that if your kids are too forceful with the dogs, the dogs aren't going to hurt them.  There's normally an assessment.  Plus making sure everything's set up so kids can't get into litter trays or food bowls etc but that's easily solved with a stairgate or two.

Depression isn't necessarily an issue, after all a lot of people with fertility issues suffer from depression at some point in the whole process, but I would definitely bring this up at the first meeting.  They will want to know what your "coping strategies" are when things get tough, and as others have mentioned they'll be very focussed on your "support network" of friends and family.  They may ask you to have a medical done early on, but that would probably put your mind at rest anyway so not a bad thing.

Good luck with the visit, look forward to hearing how it all goes,

Wyxie xx


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## skyblu

Hi Bubble,
My dog was a worry for us also as he his an energetic collie x Samoyed and is absolutely nuts 
Luckily for us our SW loved him and after she gave him the attention he wanted from her he settled down quite quickly.
As for depression, well as most of the girls have already said, when we go though infertility and fight for a longed for family who doesn't need help now and then.
I was under then mental health act for 6 months and came out the other side.
As long as you can show you are coping and are honest from the start then there shouldn't really be a problem.
Oh by the way I have a 2yr old fast asleep in her bed 

Good luck
Skyblu.xxx


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## lynsbee

Welcome! 
Wow....what a zoo you have sounds AMAZING!! Was going to say what has already been said really!!! We just have a dog and a rabbit now. Our dog is about 6 or so only had him a couple of years as a rescue. Loves LOTS of attention and will find a way of getting it. On our home visits that was normally from our SW. Thankfully our SW loves dogs and actually wanted to take him home. When we had another SW come out the first thing he said was, 'Aww Joey, I feel like I know you already' So guessing our SW spoke positively of him quite a bit!! We just filled out a quick assessment form on the dog and that was it. As for the rabbit...nothing.

I also in the past have been on anti depressants it was only for a short time as we had another IVF cycle ALOT sooner than we thought it was going to be and I didn't want to be on them for that, but I still had trips to the docs etc about it all. Our SW looked at and viewed this as a positive thing as I done something about it, had ideas on how to cope with it and know if I start going to that dark place again I will be straight back down the doctors. They did bring up Post Adoption Depression (like post natal depression) and ensured them if this happened to me I would seek advice. My Mum was one of my referees and they made her aware of it too, so any signs to ensure I would seek advice/help.

Good luck with your adoption journey! xx


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## Jess75

Good luck to you I hope your journey is not a long one. We found that as soon as we got allocated our own sw it went very quick. We are in the middle of intros now and trust me it has all been worth it x


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## staceyemma

Bookmarking this thread!  
Behind you every step my lovely friend I'm so excited for you both xxx


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## melloumaw

hey sweetie, we're all here for you. sending all the positivity i can for you
love to you


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello Ladies I WILL reply to all a little later today I promise! so grateful to you all for posting with support and experience. I know I'm going to be making some fab FF friends to share experiences with as we adopt  

Sorry I've not replied earlier but we have been super busy this weekend with a memorial disco I organised  for my friends daughter, she committed suicide aged 14 in August due to bullies we raised over £800 and have a website for donations that's still raising  ALL going to an anti-bullying charity that's supported the family and us friends from day one. 

Now it's over I can back away a bit and focus on our own home and plans (lots of de-junking to be done before November 14th. Our planned nursery/child's room is already cream but am going to touch up prior to visit . A friend already gave us a kiddies kitchen set (brand new)  for little Bubble their way of saying they're behind us . 
Can't believe by next Christmas we may be matched or at least on the way xxxx


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## TillyF

Hi,
Good luck Bubble with your meeting - would be interested to hear how it goes.
We are at the very beginning of our journey and going to an information session soon. I was just wondering if those who are more experienced would suggest being completely honest with the SW? I have had 5 mc and was thinking about adopting before my last mc, but we agreed to give it one more try, which didn't end happily. Also I have a birth child and didn't have a very good pregnancy or birth, which is another reason that I want to adopt. Do I mention this sort of thing or not? Do they prefer to hear that you want to give a child a loving home (obviously this is also true), rather than the my wants and needs as a mother?
Thanks.
T


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Dear All, 

I hope you're all well? 
Happy Halloween to all (praying it our last one before we have a little monster or two of our own  ) 

MacGyver- Thanks for your words and also congrats on the arrival of your son, home where he belongs 

Wyxie - I have to say I've been reading your diary.... it should be compulsory for all potential adopters, I have told my husband he must read it before our visit. I have so much respect and admiration for the way you have coped and grown as a family since Wyxlings arrival. Your words overflow with honesty, wisdom and love for your children .... I think a love like that is something many birth children are not lucky enough to know  

Skyblu - Thanks for your words of wisdom too so nice to 'talk' with people who've experienced the path we're taking   MASSIVE congrats on your daughter coming home, I bet the last 6 months have been an adventure in themselves. 

Star - Loved your description of your little four pawed man 'galloping galloof' I'll remember that one   How's all going with your journey?

LynesB - Hows the matching process going hun? I think you're eright about depressin and it's good to know it doesn't have to be a barrier, I'm a very strong person but after my mothers cancer, loosing my grandfather, my cousins suicide and three years of failed txs I think I just 'broke' for a while... but I damn well got back up and fought on through another cycle and loss of another loved one to suicide, if I can do that I feel it should be to my credit not my downfall 

Jess75- How soon till your little ones home.... I've found I suddenly LOVE the children's isles in supermarkets and shops... I know we have a LONG way to go but now I finally feel it's a case of one day not maybe... or if only. I hope all goes well with intros and you're little star is sleeping safe under your roof soon.

Tilly - We're both at such similar points really, all I can say is I believe honesty is best, I'm just under 6 months since my last tx, but because I was very honest with the SW and had spoken with them over a year ago they know adoption is something I'm serious and dedicated to so technically we're being seen sooner than they would normally consider. I think the fact I'm adopted also weighs in because its always led me to ebielev I would adopt... I just always thought it would be after I'd had Birth children (so I could always tell our adopted child that we'd all as family gone looking for them) 

So officially 14 sleeps away from Initial Visit .... so far I have prepared 

Contact Details for all work referees and notified them for both myself and Mr Bubble
Contact Details for all personal referees and notified them 
Letters from support network (who can't be official referees but are keen to be noted) 

Still to do: 
Thorough house clean and de-junk of two spare rooms 
Call Consultant and GP and arrange appointments to get letters stating I'm doing well after breakdown in January 2013/proactively managing depression etc etc and notify consultant they will be in touch 
List of all questions for future process to prepare and print ready for file 
Prepare a photo book of this is us  (I know this may not be needed but think it gives a good oversight of who we are and the family we are offering)

Any other suggestions ??


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Gosh I so badly hope next Christmas we can finally be the ones opening presents with our babies, walking as a family through the snow.... I know it won't be easy, there may be behavioural issues... there may be past abuse or fears but golly golly gosh little ones wherever you are I love you already


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## Starmaker73

Mr & Mrs Bubble said:


> Star - Loved your description of your little four pawed man 'galloping galloof' I'll remember that one  How's all going with your journey?


   That's exactly what he is. His a 21 month old Lab and is all legs and waggy tail. He is a big clumsy boy but is will make a fabulous playmate for a LO.

Not long now till your meeting, the time will fly by. Good luck with it.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Star  xx


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## Wyxie

Bubble, thank you for your kind words.  I don't know that we do brilliantly, but we do our best, some days that's very, very far from brilliant.  I think we just rise to our children's difficulties, because we have to.  All I can do is hope it's enough.

Regarding GP/Consultant, there is a standard form medical for them to complete, which is probably what the SW will want.  You will need to pay for the medical anyway, so unless your SW thinks it's a good idea, it's probably not worth paying for additional letters to be done.  Your GP will do a general medical anyway, and should discuss any issues such as depression and management of it at that meeting.  They will then complete that report.  The agency's medical adviser may think that is sufficient, or they may ask for further information from any consultants you've seen.  We had to get extra information from a physiotherapist for one of mine, because they wanted their opinion on whether an injury would stop me from physically managing two young children.

Other information you will need for application forms but not the first meeting, which can take a long time to put together (or did for me, because I moved around a lot when I was younger) is all previous addresses and all previous employers.

Hopefully, next Christmas, it doesn't seem an unrealistic time scale now, everything seems to move so fast!  Fingers crossed.  I'd make the most of the lie in this one with the knowledge it will most likely be your last for some time!

Wyxie xx


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## Jelly.B

14days!!!!!!     Xxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Wyxie - Thanks, I will ensure I do make the most of lie-ins but to be honest with two husky pups 6:45 -7am is the best we can get   
I will sort the previous addresses form now  
Easy for hubby as one home from birth to now, bar his time travelling in 2005-2006  

Jelly 13 sleeps now!!!! 

Sat last night in my skeleton outfit as the trick or treaters came.... and it hit me...... in a year or two that may be me.... taking a little vampire or fairy out.. me being called mummy. 

I'm tearing up just thinking about it now, I have to admit I shed a few happy tears xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Jelly.B

Ohhh bubble    think I might cry myself lol xxxxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Jelly - BIG BUBBLE HUGS          You've been with me and there for me since day dot hunny and I love you all the more for it xxxxxxxxx


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## Jelly.B

You are a very very special person darling. I'm so proud of you    you WILL BE a great mum xxxx can't wait xxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

AS OF TODAY: 

My info pack for our intital visit now includes:
Contact Details for all Employment Referees
Education History
Previous Addresses Birth - Present
Outside Interests

Referee details for both family and two non family official referees as well as additional section for the attachment of other referees requesting to be included. 

Contact Details for GP and other health professionals related to tx and mental health.



Any more suggestions?


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## Wyxie

It's lovely to read about your preparations, and excitement.  I think the sudden realisation that there are actually things you can do to help get the family you want during the start of the adoption process can be quite liberating after all the uncertainty of infertility and the feelings of helplessness that can bring with it.  

The only other things I remember being asked about information wise at our first meeting was what there is to do and what support was available for parents and young children in our area.

We were also asked about childcare experience, and I think it helps if you're prepared on that one because you can think through what you've done with other people's kids.  Our childcare experience mostly involved looking after younger relatives and friend's children.  Some agencies seem to feel that is enough, but some don't.  Ours didn't and we were asked to get more childcare experience.  If you think that's likely, you may want to look into what volunteering opportunities there are locally to discuss what they think may be appropriate.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Wyxie  You are rapidly turning into 'my go to girl'  

I am excited and liberated too I suppose... that isn't in anyway to say I think we're on a home run or that this won't be hard (have two very good friends that adopted siblings 7 years ago so know that it's a long haul even when blessed) 

I just feel like finally after years of asking myself questions, years of tears and forcing myself to believe in tx finally now I've said NO its opened the door to something so wonderful and  there's more chance than we've ever had   (happy tears) 

I have already told my boss I want to cut my hours at work (allowing me more time to try and find placements in groups etc) BUT have spent my years since the age of 1 constanly around kids as my mother was a childminder, then babysitting and now still very involved in my friends childrens lives though most of them and now nearly old enough to babysit themselves lol (most of my closest pals are mid 30's to late 40's) Mr Bubble however does need more experience so lots of weekends with our friends 3, 6 and 13 yr old on the cards  

Their mum is set on doing everything to show the AA (adoption agency) how much the kids love us photos galore etc lol. Infact before we applied officially she and her husband were virtually begging us to allow them to surrogate for us... but I know deep down OUR child/children are already out there somewhere waiting for Mummy & Daddy to bring them home


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## lynsbee

Hi sorry for not popping back in here before!!!
Oh my goodness hun, certainly does sound like your a very strong person!! I lost 2 friends to suicide within a month of each other. One was also a nurse at my IVF clinic which I had spent 3 or so years at. The day she committed suicide was my last OTD and got my brief faint BFP a very difficult and strange time that was. When it turned to a BFN I really didn't know what or who I was grieving I just knew that I was grieving in a huge way!! How I got through without returning to the doctor I do not know. Though my SW in our PAR does often refer to my inner strength so certainly wasn't seen as a barrier!!

The matching is going well. We have been chosen for a 7month old baby boy!! Have seen his report and trying to sort out a SW meeting for next week as we go on holiday on Friday!! All being well it will probably take until ebd  of Jan/start of Feb until he is here with us though xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Lynsbee - That is fabulous news     Hope they manage to work things faster than you think would be magical to have your little boy home for christmas/new year. 
So sorry to hear about your losses  I can relate as my cousins passing was very close to out second cycle. It helps me to remember the goodness they bought to the world as opposed to how they left. 
And now a whole new chapters about to begin for you !!!


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

A WOBBLE Day Today:
Mr Bubbles has a sister... one akin to an ancient evil warthog... she has constantly caused trouble even as a child apparently when disciplined Mr Bubble would cry and tell his parents not to smack his sister where as evil sis would laugh and tell them to hit him more/harder.... This hatred for not only him but people in general has grown over the last 30 years to the point she told me she'd see to it we never had a child... now panicking she will hear and start a war... (not had any contact for over 3 years )


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## Mummy DIY Diva

That's awful.  I would advise getting the parents on your side and then when his sister is raised in hs explain why they have no contact in a factual none judgemental way. Also explain why this would continue if a child was placed citing the children's welfare and emotional wellbeing.  Also I would advise not telling anyone what agency you are with so sil can't find out from any source.  Good luck don't let this horrible person spoil this for you.  Remember at all times to be the bigger person when discussing it never appear scaving or nasty about her perhaps even say you feel sorry for her that she misses out on the family because of her behaviour but that a child is and always will be your first concern.  If you seem emotional and angry they may worry about it impacting on children.  X


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## melloumaw

bubbles im sure they take on board the majority of opinions of you and not just one persons


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

DIY sadly getting his parents 'on side' is nigh impossible they are too terrified of her and the fact she would as constantly threatened when not getting her own way, stop them having access to her son (now 10) . Mr bubbles mum practically raised him as his sis threatened to have him adopted when a baby unless her mum had him... This continued anywhere between 3-6 days a week until school age..... For the first two years of our relationship it was me and dh he came into every weekend morning for cuddles and to play... Broke our hearts when we stopped contact but after a ruined wedding endless texts at 1am when she's been drinking and constant lies and accusations including her 'baring us' from the family home I'd finally had enough. I know full well even now she will be her parents priority as they ''as parents go where needed most''. When we told them out concerns re her causing issues they just looked at the floor......


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Ok so the day after the'WOBBLE' as naive as it may sound I've decided the only way to deal with it is to accept she can only be an issue if we let her... A lot of our referees (some of whom have known us the full 7+years we've been together have seen her in full swing and have already said they'd be happy to vouch she has issues ..... Well just be as honest in a non judgemental way as possible keeping it factual like  DIY  said  and Mel yes hopeful your wonderful support network will do the talking for us!! Got out first letter from a non main referee today I will included it below  made
Me cry ALOT xxxxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
(Agency Name)

Dear Sirs, 

I am writing this reference for XXxx and XXxx of (Address)

I have known both XXxx and XXxx since 2008.

XXxx started working for us in 2008 and since that time we have become not just an employer of XXxx but also friends of both her and XXxx. Although she no longer works for us both my husband and I have remained friends with both of them and enjoy our time with them both individually an as a couple regularly.

Both of them have watched our two children grow up and have helped and supported us with this. Both XXxx and XXxx are very kind, loving and patient people and will help anyone with their requests for help.
I have no hesitation in supplying this reference for them as I feel they would both make wonderful parents to a child or children of any age and would love and support any child/children unconditionally.

They both have such a lot of love to give and this is obvious to any person that knows them. They absolutely adore each other and the circle of friends and family they have.

I know of nothing in the characters or history that should prevent them from being extremely successful adoptive parents. I certainly would give my recommendation that they should be allowed to adopt.

If you require any further information please do not hesitate contact me and I wish XXXx and XXxx  every success with their application and will be there too support them whatever the outcome of this application.

Yours Faithfuly,
XXxx


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## Wyxie

Bubbles, we had some similar concerns as hubby's sister is paranoid schizophrenic and has some major issues, but can also seem very plausible and has been running rings round Social Services for years to get out of the various mental institutions she's been put in when sectioned.  She's never failed to get herself out and win appeals despite some really worrying behaviour, and you never know from one minute to the next how strong her grip on reality is.  If SW had spoken to her we were worried that she would, intentionally or otherwise, throw a spanner in the works.  She's very jealous of hubby anyway, feels he's been "lucky" to get where he is today, he in turn struggles with her, although his attitude has softened somewhat since he's realised that mental health problems are behind a lot of her behaviour, rather than just her being malicious.  

Anyway, we just told SS it was a difficult relationship, and we would be very slow at introducing children to her, because we didn't feel she could be trusted to behave appropriately.  We made it clear that we could have extensive contact with hubby's family without having to come into contact with her, but hubby also is available to her on the phone as she often calls when she needs his support.  They never expressed any interest in talking to her, but did talk to hubby's Mum, because we used her as a referee.  The subject of difficult siblings comes up anyway in the individual meetings and it gives a good opening for hubby to discuss it. 

One thing that may be an issue is if her children are your main childcare experience, as they may want to meet with her on that basis.  However they may accept with meeting with, say, his parents on the basis that they saw you looking after the children regularly.  There's no reason his parents would need to "pick sides" so to speak, in that situation.

We were questioned about SIL extensively at panel, but they were satisfied we had our priorities straight, but also had an insight into what it could be like dealing with someone who has mental health problems and a difficult relationship with family.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Wyxie, though I'm sorry your hubby also has a difficult relationship with his sister as this is never a happy scenario. Luckily out contact with our nephew is by no means the main child care experience we have ...... I will show hubby you post though xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Mrs Bubble MUST NOT look at be my parent until after panel.......MINIMUM  

Why oh why did I do this (though have looked before without this pang)... 

Just seen a profile that has stolen my heart (children much older than I thought).. two sisters... think it's caught my heart, and eyes for three main reasons...
1. They sound like they love all the types of hobbies we have always envisaged sharing with our children
2. They are stunning and the image of Dh as a child only of course little pinks instead of blues..
3. One of the sisters is named the first name we chose for our future daughter many moons ago, and it is a very unusual mythological name... the second is named one of our later choices

Is that what triggered it?... I couldn't help but sit stunned and take their reference number down despite myself........

How mad am I


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

ok too many it may not seem like a milestone but to me it is, yesterday out of the blue we received an email from a clinic in the Czech Republic (directly after our last failed cycle feels like many moons ago I had emailed them about DD) 

The email apologised for the delay but said we had an almost perfect match too two hatching grade 1 blasts, and that if we were ready we could proceed.....

I admit for a second I paused, EXPECTING to feel torn somehow by this out of the blue offer.... but I didn't infact I don't think I've ever been happier than I was sending a reply to say I appreciated the offer but we have realised our child is waiting for us via adoption and we had no wish to seek further tx...

I have no concerns I've turned down our chance to be parents... the opposite I feel we're truly on our way.

Just had to share xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing it's great when something happens that totally confirms you're making the right choice x x x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks DIY 

Any nice plans this weekend>


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Chilling out with family nothing too energetic x x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Ok so nerves have now fully set in,  although it's a small step in the process as a whole this is the step where we find out if they will accept us as potential parents...... 

Have visions of them looking in very cupboard and draw.... Wardrobe and bookcase judging their contents ..... *must sort the understairs cupboard* it's only Saturday night and I can't sleep already and 4 more sleeps to survive after this......... All sofa cushions in the wash along with all rugs... (Cause they will clearly determine out suitability to be parents via the medium of if the like our fragrant fabric softener WTF)
Bathing the dogs tomorrow..... As if somehow that will make them like them more fresh flowers in all vases and even the bin lids going through this dishwasher....... I'm even and please don't laugh too hard ...disinfecting the driveway on Tuesday so it smells clean and not of dog wee..... Yes that's it I've officially gone mad next I'll be febreezing the flower beds and hanging baskets .... But would they prefer clean linen or Thai orchid breeze??  
Please someone rescue me from myself maybe the long walk with the dogs and our friends children will clear my mind tomorrow nothing like jumping in puddles with a three year old or climbing trees with their seven year old to clear the mind lol


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Maybe I should climb a really big tree and hide up there until Thursday


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## MummyPhinie

Is this your first visit? When we had our first informal visit we went mad cleaning house. Hubs decided to sort the shoes?!!! I baked up a storm, cleaned everything, hadnice flowers and had candles on. Now my house is like that most of the time but took it further.  I worried for the whole morning before she arrived. She had a brief look round more at the rooms we had, bathrooms etc. she told us that more in depth home assessment would happen later.  Garden is terraced so that more of an issue, but when we went through house we were already highlighting areas of concern that we were aware we needed to address she more or less said we had a beautiful home for a family and not to worry. Her assessment allowed us to progress though. I'm pretty sure the cupcake bribery made her want to be our sw for stage 1!! Try to relax, it is hard but I am sure your lovely personalities and commitment to this journey are going to be the more important thing over a pristine house x


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## Wyxie

We did the same, my house absolutely shone when I went out to work the morning we had our first meeting with Social Services.  When I got home 10 minutes before the meeting was due to start I found my cats had caught a pigeon, and then dragged it inside and had a fight over it and/or play with it, and quite literally ripped it into tiny pieces.  The hall, stairs, landing and spare room looked and smelled like a slaughterhouse.  I did my best to do a hasty clean up but there was blood and feathers everywhere, and I definitely didn't manage to get rid of it all, or the gamey smell, before they turned up.  The cats were then all purrs and butter wouldn't melt in the mouth and kept sauntering into the front room, and rubbing their legs for strokes!  Little monsters.  

It was fine though, they thought it was funny.  We discussed keeping kids and pets separated and confirmed that we would, however hard, be willing to rehome our animals if we had to because of our children for any reason, and that was that.

All the best with the visit.

Wyxie xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So tomorrow is IV day..... 

Initial visit and depending on how horrendously it goes quite possibly intravenous vodka day too  

I have about 2/3rd managed to achieve what I wanted around the house the other 1/3 will just have to lie (hopefully undiscovered) in the understairs cupboard and garage....

I feel sick and nervous and excited and emotional... I have no doubt if we're are lucky enough to get further ahead I will look back at this and laugh, one of those ' that was the easy bit and you got worked up over that?' laughs. But I feel like tomorrow is final panel as opposed to IV...  

Odin and Lunar (my two husky pups) are teething too which doesn't help and they seem to be constantly snagging a wobbly baby tooth on a chew toy or the others collar = loads of blood and them looking like they should be in a crime watch re-enactment.

I am sincerely and utterly split in half, half of me is sure they will see what we can offer, the love, patience and dedication to our as yet unknown child/children. 
The other half sees only the word NO. 

ok I am split in three, the other 1/3 has a head full of ikea and argos pages of childrens furniture, paint samples and mixed ranges of things we could need depending on age and gender


----------



## goldbunny

at intravenous vodka and the crimewatch re-enactment. 
everything crossed for you for tomorrow bubble!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Goldbunny! 

Gosh I think I'll need a bottle of pinot or two to even be able to sleep tonight ... 10am tomorrow morning could be the start of our world changing  .


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Feeling terrified is normal I never stopped feeling terrified through every visit.  However much the rational part of your brain says it will be fine the emotional part will panic because it means so much to you.  You will be fine and I promise they won't look under the stairs or in the garage x  x x


----------



## melloumaw

bubbles i am sending you and mr bubbles all my love and best wish's for tomorrow, knock them for 6 sweetie


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Ok so my friend just sent me our recommendation letter ready for tomorrow (cue tears and snot and tears and smile and tears) 

I post this not as a 'I'm amazing' self serving post but because it made me cry so hard. 
To any friend looking for inspiration here on how to show you're there for a friend in our situation I can honestly say this is the dogs danglybits xxxxxxx

To whom it might concern,

I have known Mrs Bubbles since we stared XXXXX High School together in August xxxx. 
In that time I have watched her grow up into the most, kind, loyal and caring person I have ever met. She is always the first to offer help and support to those who need it. No matter what she has going on in her own life she will always make time for those around her. She is a truly magnificent and special friend and I admire her natural empathy and compassion for others. She is quick to forgive those who have wronged her and always finds a way to accept people for who they are despite their faults. She is a very warm and loving woman and I am proud to call her my friend. 
I met Mr Bubble in 2005 and as we got to know each other I have found him to be just as warm and loving as Mrs B. They are the perfect match for each other and you cannot help to notice the strong bond that holds them together. 
They are like two halves of the same person and having known Mrs B for so long I could not possibly imagine her life without Mr B in it. He adores Mrs B that is easy to see and has dedicated his life to making her happy. I have no doubt in my mind that this level of love and devotion would be matched for any child they should have in their lives biological or otherwise. 
They are a wonderful couple and everyone they meet feels the same way about them. Their kindness knows no bounds and they have a natural ability to remain patient in situations where most people would lose their temper. 
Mr & Mrs B have a natural way with children. I myself do not have any children however; they have many friends with children and are wonderful around them. They have a natural balance between playfulness, responsibility and sensibility that means parents are more than happy to leave their children in the care of Mr & Mrs B. That is probably the greatest testament to them that anyone can offer in this situation. 

Mr & Mrs B are wonderful with other people’s children and I believe they would be exceptional with their own.
I have known them a very long time and to my knowledge there is not a single reason why they would not make excellent parents. They are in my opinion the perfect candidates for adoption. You could not hope to meet a more sincere, considerate, modest, or honourable couple. 
Their own moral standing and principles for living would be ideal to pass on to any child. Mr & Mrs B have so much love to give that it break their hearts and the hearts of those of us that love them that they are denied a chance to shower a baby with love. 
Any child would be lucky to have them as parents; they would be loved and cherished beyond words every single day.
I do not know any couple more suited or deserving and I give my unreserved recommendation that they be permitted to bring love to a child’s live through adoption.

Kindest regards,
XXXXX


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

DIY - Thank you hunny  and glad to know I'm not alone in the knee knocking dept of terror lol  

Mel -Love you to the moon and back sister from another mister, you've been there every step of my journey so far and I'm blessed xxxxxx


----------



## goldbunny

*aww* @ letter x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Good luck mrs and mr bubble with your visit tomorrow. Try to relax, be yourselves and I'm sure it will be a lot easier than you thought. Remember there are a lot of children waiting out there and la and va are desperate for adopters, so they will want you as much  as you want them to approve you x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Phinie xxx


----------



## TillyT

Thinking of you tomorrow mr and mrs bubbles, totally with you on the nervousness, we have our Iv on Monday, eeeeek! All seems very real, although I have no clue on next timescales, I'm not expecting much to happen until after Xmas now. 
Mad weekend of tidying ahead, but still want the house to look lived in so won't go too mad, just tidy. We have a cat who can be grumpy at times so hoping she's on her best behaviour  

To top the mad times off, I've just been asked to be a bridesmaid at one of my best friends wedding next summer,so looks like a vv busy 6 months or so ahead.

Good luck again bubbles' and can't wait to hear how it goes
Xx


----------



## Jelly.B

Thinking of you today bubble       
Hugs to you and hubby xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck today you'll be fantastic x x


----------



## emsiem

Good luck today 

We have ur IV on Monday so will be reading with interest xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So many thanks to you all 15 mins and counting. ooooooh errrr


----------



## melloumaw

hey sweetie,
how you doing?


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello All, so they were a little late arriving but never mind  

Have to say was quite a funny IV and looking back feels a little bit like a good cop bad cop scenario lol   
L was lovely as I'd expected after talking to her by phone and N was a little more aloof.

N was very clear she doesn't like animals at all...... erm that's never good in a house with one chinchilla, one rabbit, four cats, two lizards, two dogs and some fish. Of course the cats responded in that way that is known to all cats when they sense a cat hater has entered their home....   yes showing an obsession for both her handbag and shoes. Especially her shoes which they insisted they nuzzled as a horrified look crossed her face when she thought we couldn't see lol  

L was much more open and wanted to know who was who, ages and generally coo over how cute they were PHEW at least one on the side of small furry animal babies.

We went through personal histories, health, family network, support network, I was asked a lot of questions about my mental health but made it clear that I'm an open book and that I viewed my depression as a positive after all it made me more understanding, patient and determined. 

Even handled hubbies psycho sister with a sense of understanding and was relieved to hear them affirm that we're the ones adopting not her so to not be too concerned

So now been told to watch their dvd.... then call tomorrow/Monday to let them know if we want to be considered.


----------



## goldbunny

time for a drink methinks! well done!    
[email protected] cats. hehe. Good job there wasn't two bad cops.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Gb  and yes a nice takeaway and snuggles on the sofa tonight for me and Mr Bubbles xxxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

it sounds like it went super sweetie, dvd and snuggles sounds good, 
what happens after you ring to proceed?


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Mel - From what they said they'll have a final discussion with a manager and let us know if we've been accepted at this stage or not...


----------



## melloumaw

fingers tightly crossed sweetie


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

REJECTED - seems there was a battle between good cop an bad cop and good cop lost......

Try again in 6/12 months if I can prove proof of longer term no reoccurrence of depression .....

How when it feels like the world is hell bent again me ever truly being what I know I am in my heart beyond devastated.


----------



## melloumaw

gutted for you honey, onwards and upwards
you know their out there for you sweetie


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh sweetie   this is not the end, this is one agency's perogative. We had issues with our first agency and went to a voluntary agency. They saw the 'weaknesses' as strengths and we never looked back. You'll feel hurt, rejected, frustrated, scared but it'll be ok. If you want it bad enough it always is. This  is only one agency's view, try another


----------



## Dreams do come true

Do NOT give up! keep trying other agencies....la's and va's.

If you want this badly enough you will not let this 'minor' setback hold you back.

you can do this, your children are waiting....NOW go get them x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Lolly, Mel, Dreams... You're right I need to think of this as a test.. A call to proove I believe in us being the right parents ... God knows I'm scared and disappointed but I have a secret weapon so to speak  

The support of the most amazing people alive FF people


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

You're allowed to feel down but you'll never be out because you have fight, love and determination to realise your dream. Go girl!!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

I want to add it was stressed upon multiple occasions we are apparently beyond perfect in every way bar my history of depression.....it appears the two sw were at loggerheads one arguing we were ideal and the other concerned by the fact I've had severe depression with a breakdown within the last 12 months.. (12 months next month)
Frustratingly our finances, understanding of adoption and children to be placed, support network, home environment (bar the animals still to be assessed) and dedication to meeting a child's needs were all noted above normal .... Some how that makes their decision to make us wait suck more


----------



## goldbunny

no! oh bubble how frustrating! *exasperated sigh*.                  

it really seems senseless to me. it's as if they are holding your honesty against you. so sorry you have had such a setback.   hope things are better with the next agency you try  

partly though, your ability to bounce back is one of your strengths that will make you a great adoptive mum, and that will get you over this hurdle. x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Our voluntary agency said they were glad the local authority turned us down as the LAs loss was their gain! I'm sure other agencies would view things very similarly. Did you look at other agencies before proceeding to initial interview or is this the first one you spoke with? We enquired with 3 after our initial disappointment. Others spoke to many more. What are your next steps? Hope you're as ok as you can be


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Goldbunny- we have some very unhappy referees who wish they'd at least spoken to people who knew us.

Lolly- it was a va... Tomorrow have a list of 4/5 LAs to try not giving up


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

I deeply appreciate every individual's time and support


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Good for you!!   So glad you have a plan of action, you'll find your agency and the VA will kick themselves for missing out! Good luck


----------



## Jelly.B

So so proud of you my darling   head up high  
Keep at it girl  
Xxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Waiting for three call backs from Agencies now  Another is already speaking with her manager.....


----------



## Jelly.B

YAYYYYYY


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oooh, will be checking in for news!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

April or May 2012 I was signed off work with depression put on antidepressants and went to see a consultant psychiatrist and then following from that went to talking therapy from May - February 2013 (first weekly then fortnightly then monthly.) There were very good reasons for my melt down I was put through more than any person could deal with in an incredibly short space of time and had to care and support others while going through so much. 

I explained to my agency what I had learnt - that when times are really hard I need to put myself first and tell others unfortunately I can't help them at this time. Also I said that for me talking therapy was something I had for much longer than I "needed" because I think it is good for me. I also said that everyone has a crutch to support them and mine is exercise and talking therapy and I don't see that as a negative crutch compared to most peoples. I said in the future I would go to talking therapy much sooner and this would mean I wouldn't get to melting point. 

My agency started me on prep in June so was similar timescales to you now. They wrote and got a reference off my therapist but that was only for panels sake and wasn't requested till we were in home study. 

Others agencies will see how you have come through this as a strength. An understanding of mental health has to be a positive to any adopter. Sorry to post so long but I just don't want you to think your situation and wanting to adopt is unusual. When we went to open days the agency we chose said that mental health wasn't a barrier and that most people come to adopt through a difficult journey which means some mental health issues at some point are not uncommon. x x x x x


----------



## Wyxie

Glad you've decided to call other LAs.  There's a good chance you can get round it and get someone to assess you now.  I've sent you a message - we're quite local to you so probably looked at a lot of the same LAs.

All the best.

Wyxie


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So on the wise advice of some super ladies   (yes you all) 

Rather than wallow this morning I got up baked some cakes for my gorgeous amazing friends baby shower tomorrow (future godson     ) 

and then launched into calls with La and Va near our area.... the good news is the first lady I spoke too ( I was beyond honest about EVERYTHING) has spoken with her manager and agreed to come and do an IV with us to assess if we really need to wait or they can accept my breakdown was due to exceptional circumstances as opposed to lack of coping mechanisms or support


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ah that's great, wishing you lots of luck  
Hope you find the right agency soon x


----------



## goldbunny

great news bubble. I desperately wish I could find a way to make people understand how stressful TTC/ivf is, without making it seem like a 'blame' scenario... people who manage to have children by 'he just has to look at me and...' just don't get it really unless people have been through it they don't know what pressure it puts on you and how it seeps into every area of your life.... I imagine, regardless of anything else, that being released from the ttc/ivf life makes a world of difference to being able to cope with every other aspect of life... it's just so hard to explain what I am thinking.. it's hard to explain to a SW (or anyone else) that while the ttc didn't necessarily cause a breakdown, it does factor in the picture, and while being released from the pattern doesn't 'prevent' a breakdown it makes an enormous difference to the coping ability of a person caught in that predicament. It's like, if someone was climbing a mountain carrying an elephant, and they fell, and then they tried to climb again, and everyone said 'oh but you might fall' and they said 'yeah, but I am no longer carrying this elephant' so it is completely different. Of course one might still fall, but it would be much easier not to, given the fact your entire attention could be on the climb and not the elephant. 

where the whole ttc/ivf thing is the elephant, obv. 

 sorry for the waffle.


----------



## Wyxie

Bubbles, really glad to hear that.

Goldbunny, I think if you said that to a SW they would say, adoption may be equally stressful, so how will you prevent a breakdown happening again?  I'm not saying I don't think what you're saying is true, just that you need to be able to answer the question, and show SS that you appreciate the possibility that adoption could be as stressful and painful at times as failed fertility treatment.  I have a real pet hate for SW language, but to use their terminology they would want to know you have "coping strategies" and a good "support network" to prevent depression making you fall apart to the point you can't cope with life including children, should it re-occur.


----------



## goldbunny

yes wyxie I agree, I know there isn't a way to word it, it just frustrates me a bit that there isn't a way to explain it.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Go girl!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

I will hop on here tonight once I am away from work and properly reply to everyone but love you all xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Brilliant news, you'll have initial interviews coming out your ears at this rate   Fab stuff


----------



## melloumaw

ah bubbles, you'll have them lining up to offer you your babies


----------



## Wyxie

-x-Lolly-x- said:


> Brilliant news, you'll have initial interviews coming out your ears at this rate  Fab stuff


This is probably the case, I really do think that more people should talk to more than one agency; it's right that we interview them, as well as them interviewing us. We are looking for the people who are going to find our children for us. I'm really not aiming this at Mr and Mrs Bubbles at all, but just a general comment about adoption and how it works. We shop around for a pram or a baby monitor and any number of other things, but not for the person who is going to help us find our children. SS make it hard, often they treat us like they're doing us a favour just by talking to us, but they're not. I understand why they want to be sure that people know what they're getting into, a lot of people are very naive about adoption, but that doesn't mean that we're not a valuable resource, and the emphasis should be on support, not judgement, in my opinion.

We spoke to 3 (one on the phone and two in person), and ruled 2 others out based on prior knowledge (my job had quite a high level of involvement with local children's and adoption Social Services and legal teams), before making a decision on who to use, and I so, so, so wish more people would see that adopters have something valuable and absolutely should shop around for the best service. They are not doing us a favour, it is a mutually beneficial arrangement, and without adopters they would be stuffed. Of course this becomes very difficult when you're just one person and they know your dreams of a family are at stake, and they know that. Children's SS in particular (a lot more than adoption SS) tend to treat adopters very badly, because they hold all the cards. That's why it's important that the adoption SW is good and can support us. We went with the LA who were civil to us, keen to accept us, happy to accept the age range we were looking for because we understood that at that point, it was seen as likely we could wait a while, and who I felt saw supporting adopters as a key way to supporting the children they were trying to place. Although I have to be honest and say I don't like her and she annoyed me a lot at times, I did feel the Manager who came on the initial interview, and who we've had some contact with since, genuinely cares about the children and the adopters who she deals with, and that she wants to make matches that work. We also looked at LA stats and the LA we chose hadn't had any placements breakdown in several years. This was an important consideration to me, when we were considering adopting.

I asked a lot of questions in both the meetings we had and I absolutely wasn't going to go hat in hand at that stage. We were being strongly encouraged by one LA to think about a higher age range than we wanted to, or children with special needs we had no desire to take on, but oddly when I said that if these were the only children they felt able to place with us, it would probably be best if we didn't waste their time and looked at another LA, they suddenly changed their minds about what children they were placing at the moment. I will admit that we had already been told by a different agency at that point that they would be happy to assess us, or I'm sure I would not have felt so brave, and anyway we didn't use that agency, but sometimes I think we just need to push.

I hope that makes sense and isn't riddled with typos; I'm on my second glass of wine, quite rare, and I have the hiccoughs, one cat nuzzling my fingers for attention, and the other sat smack bang in front of the monitor cleaning her bum. Such is the glamour of my Friday night. Makes typing quite hard though.

Wyxie xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Exactly the same as Wyxie, not the cat part ( ) but the agencies, enquired with 3, met with 2, although whether we would have done this had the first initial interview gone better I do not know.  Also good point, do some research, look at stats and Ofsted reports on agencies.  Good luck


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

BIG BOTTOM NEWS!

So sorry I've still not posted individual replies I feel it must come across as very ungrateful but PROMISE it's not the case I appreciate your posts advice and support beyond words just struggling to get a decent 20 mins without the boss looking over my shoulder as works been mad and laptop at home is faulty at the moment.

DEC 30th is our IV ....and they seem keen, we've even already been allocated a SW ....


----------



## goldbunny

new year new start new bubblefamily!   hurrah!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks GB!! XXXXXX and extra xxxx for spot


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous news bubble x x


----------



## melloumaw

thats brilliant news sweetie x


----------



## Jelly.B

Fab news sweetie
Xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Fantastic!  

Good luck x x x x


----------



## Wyxie

Really good news.  Hope you can relax and enjoy Christmas, and know that everything will kick off properly in the New Year.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Been away for a break (coming home tomorrow) had been really relaxing until stopping by to see an old friend... I've known her since I was 16. We used to be terribly close but time and events have slowly seen us become less so. Her new partner doesn't help as to be honest the more times I meet him the less I like him and less inclined I am to visit. She's had a very tough few years in the last five years and has slowly become
more fixated on 'her world' and less of those around her. We've all got used to her forgetting our events or losses, and accepting the fact the only way we will hear from her is by 'us' picking up the phone.... That visits will be focused on her telling us how skint she is and us after her 20th declaration feeling obligated to step up and pay big food shops and for anything else she needs (not own brand stuff
Mind she only likes the good stuff) Sadly last year she had to make the hardest decision anyone could (in my opinion) have to make. The tragic decision to terminate a pregnancy due to multiple problems that we're causing the baby permenant and devastating issues (the baby sadly would have been extremely unlikely to make it to term and in the rare case it had, would have suffered for the short time before falling into a forever sleep) my heart truly broke for her .... And him of course but sadly since loosing baby she seems to feel the need to compare every loss to her own.... Our mutual friends daughter commited suicide this year and even her funeral was littered with comparisons to the babies... Of course  I understand it will trigger sadness but it's the way they seem to perceive/ it comes more as competitive with her at the moment ..........
..... She actually told me this visit how hard it is for her partner to hear about us adopting and getting what he wants most .. A baby .......... After 7 years of trying and loosing 8 embies and constantly putting her needs above ours (long before her loss) and after she said that to Me...............  I have literally spoken to her no
More than a handful of times about it because 9 of 10 of our rare phone calls are repetitive monologues about her partners health problems and hospital visits (he smokes like a chimney and has a diet that is
hardly supportive of bettering his cardiac or diabetic conditions) 
The first time in years  something good could be happening for us and in a rare 10 minute visit (we live over 100 odd miles away now)  she makes me feel guilty, I genuinely feel angry at her ... Suppose now I know why she 'forgot' to write our referral letter before our last visit..... Thing is I am the one that baby sat her kids as tiny little tots (now strapping teens) I am the one that not once let her down, put her needs and feelings above mine when she needed visiting or a loan in the form of whatever I could give ...
Needless to say I finished my brew made an excuse about needing to get the dogs back and we left (much to
Hubbies relief) ..... Sorry off topic rant but needed to get it out


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry your so called friend was so unsupportive. Unfortunately I think this journey teaches you most people self focused and pretty selfish. You deserve better and owe her nothing. Have any future contact on your terms and try saying things back like I understand your loss is very difficult but i am very hurt that you can't also manage to support me.  X


----------



## Jelly.B

I agree with DIY Diva! There is only so many times you can give support without getting anything back. You do deserve better.
Xxxx


----------



## melloumaw

ah honey, you know who your friends are at times like these
xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Been a bit quiet recently as have been doing so many 'little things' across the last few weeks, and this week is set to be busy too, a comedy gig, concert and overnight ghost hunt followed by a baking competition and Sunday dinner with friends and family.

We booked so much after our last failed cycle, and a lot seems to have landed in the same week lol. 

Christmas tree is up and we are having our friends and their 3 kids come to stay on the 27th, that's the kind of things as much as I love them I found hard during TX but not this year. 

It's like a weight lifted when we made that first phone call and whilst there are still no certainties I genuinely feel good, damned good infact  Already planned lots of fun crafting/baking to do with them xxx

This year December feels good (mind you this time last year it was hello breakdown and crisis team) I can see how far I've come in the last year and the changes in myself (mostly positive ones). I think maybe it's very true that sometimes to be a better stronger person you first have to allow yourself to demolish and re-build from scratch.


----------



## goldbunny

sounds perfect bubble, happy Christmas!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Sounds like you are doing well bubble and keeping busy. This year feels really different for me too now that we are on this path. Fingers crossed for your visit on 30 th x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Struggling at the minute, want to enjoy Christmas but so completely full with the thought the 30th may bring yet another rejection... Wasn't helped by itv, this morning this week had a birth mother whose daughter had been taken at birth due to previous depression..... Makes me think if a birth mothers at risk how do I proove myself?? Seems at times like I feel nothing will get easier ......
Just want to be able to share what we have ....


----------



## Wyxie

Try not to worry too much, or to entirely believe what you see on the TV.  The Court and Social Services can't and won't reveal details to the public about why a child is removed.  Children cases are confidential to protect the child.  People who are having their children removed will not always want or be able to admit the real reasons for the removal even to themselves.  I worked in family law for many years and never once saw a child removed solely due to a Mother's depression, historical or otherwise, there would have to be a risk to the child.  In order for the child to stay in care that risk would have to be proved to the Court.  

People with a history of depression can and frequently are approved to adopt.

Try and enjoy Christmas, however difficult that might seem just now.  I don't know whether it helps you, but I always find it helps to think about worst possible case scenarios for a given situation.  Once I work out how I will deal with that, it helps to stop the worry about "what if" the worst does happen.  Even if the new agency you're seeing say no for whatever reason, which seems extremely unlikely given your previous discussion with them, the agency you saw previously didn't actually say no outright, they said not now, and in 6-12 months you can go back and be assessed by them.  I realise this isn't ideal, and I understand how hard waiting and uncertainty can be in these sorts of situations, but sometimes I find it helps to think about things like that.  It's extremely unlikely you won't find another agency to take you now, depression isn't the sort of bar to adoption it used to be.

Best wishes,

Wyxie


----------



## katie c

Wyxie said:


> Even if the new agency you're seeing say no for whatever reason, which seems extremely unlikely given your previous discussion with them, the agency you saw previously didn't actually say no outright, they said not now, and in 6-12 months you can go back and be assessed by them. I realise this isn't ideal, and I understand how hard waiting and uncertainty can be in these sorts of situations, but sometimes I find it helps to think about things like that.


absolutely wss. we were defered for six months as mr c was having CBT (he had borderline depression after failed IVF and while i was proud he'd faced up to it and got help SS were a bit sniffy)

after which we were defered _again_ as they wanted me to have counselling because i had 'issues' with my mother (and only a saint wouldn't my mother is a nightmare.)

i was _livid_ at the time they hadn't asked me to have my counselling in tandem with mr c and heartbroken at the delay. but it was worth it. had i been approved earlier i wouldn't have been matched with master c 

i genuinely think sometimes things happen for a reason


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs bubble we can't help but worry when we've been through so much. Wyxie I do that too.  From the other side I work with children and see a lot of kids that are supported by ss but stay at home and Jesus christ their home lives are horrendous really horrific.  So for children to be took it has to be even worse. Also agree with Wyxie about not being able to answer back due to confidentiality. A patent at a school I work with recently went to the papers and slagged the school saying awful things about how her child was treated and that had been into school and nothing was done etc very sensationalist.  It was all lies she had never been in. In fact she has been invited numerous times and never shown up. If school call she won't answer the phone. However we can't respond because of the child's right to confidentiality.  Not even to say mum had never attempted to contact us and won't responds - we sort legal advice about it.  

It is annoying because the media just publish based on their word. But it'll be total crap and she'll have accidentally forgotten her drug use,  alcohol use,  dating of violent men that are a risk to kids,  not feeding or cleaning the kids take your pick is one or all of the above. Tv will wash and dress her do hair and makeup so she appears totally viable but she won't be. Rant over sorry touched a nerve hugs again x x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Well, I have to say thank you for your kind words, that combined with a few weeks away from 'overthinking' a visit that hasn't happened yet has me back to non loony status  

Still nervous but in a much more rational 'what ever happens, happens' way 

I hope everyones final Xmas prep is going well and for those with kiddies already placed is not too traumatic (as know its not always easy) For those still waiting to be approved or matched may 2014 finally bring the magical day we become parents xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So today's the day... beyond nervous but also hopeful, have left hubby home sorting stuff ready.. (I had to work the am) Roll on this all being over and us knowing one way or another lol


----------



## Wyxie

Good luck, hope the meeting goes well.  Let us know how you get on.  Best wishes, Wyxie xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Wyxie, can't tell you how much reading your diary has inspired me not to give up! You should be heralded by your agency as a speaker to potential adopters   xxx


----------



## melloumaw

bubbles, just wanted to send you big   today, will check back later for an update
good luck not that you'll need it
mel x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck for today thinking of you x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good luck x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Good luck for today x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Was thinking of you today, hope it went ok x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Dear Mel, DIY, Dreams, Phinnie and Gertie, 
Thanks for your support today SEEMED to go ok...
No counting chickens mind... Our (possible) case worker Anisha said she will call tomorrow if possible!
Hoping so badly xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Ps. January is all sorted either way with LOTS of time dedicated to my new Godson Squidge (born
Xmas day) and my AMAZING twinnie Godkids H and S xxxx


----------



## melloumaw

keeping everything crossed for you sweetie x


----------



## Jelly.B

Thinking of you    
Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fingers crossed for that call today x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

It's a 12 month wait (too prove I don't have a reoccurrence of depression) + more child care experience (have friends kids
Preferably overnight once a week) and rehome MOST if not all pets as children may find pets to overwhelming ..... I give up


----------



## goldbunny

oh bubble that sounds crazy! rehome the animals? on the offchance they can't find you a child that likes them? *shakes head in bafflement* it's not like you have herds of tigers or something. it just sounds to me like they are making excuses, i thought they were supposed to be making adoption easier!                 these people make me cross!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

What parent is going to weekly want to confuse their child by sendin them away one night/day per weekend


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

This all seems so unfair, in really sorry my lovely


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks have finally stopped crying at least


----------



## claudia6662

Oh bubble im really sorry, sending you massive massive hugs


----------



## GERTIE179

Oh bubble this seems crazy. The 12 month wait re depression I can understand to done extent as pad is really common but rehoming all pets & that much child are is excessive demands.

Hope you & DH can regroup & heal and maybe start with a new agency in 6montgs time or so? In the meantime you can look into childcare experience and options re animals ie we kept up our dog going to doggy day care as much as to keep his exercise & routine the same but it really helped in early months as our LO was toooo affectionate with the dog and caused a lot of stress as they had to be kept apart (not great for adog with separation anxiety). 

Hope this helpful & agency you go to will surely see your resilience which is sooo needed in adoption x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

I am sorry that the visit didn't go as well as you had hoped, big hugs.

Take the positives from it, they have not said No, they have said to give it some time, so take that time to focus on you and your dh, get some more childcare experience.....however I think weekly overnight stays are a ludicrous ask of any agency, perhaps volunteer at some a playgroup or something, and perhaps try and meet up with some adopters to add to your support network.

It was not a no!

The animal thing....how many animals have you got?

I have a friend with lizards, lots of snakes, dogs, hedgehogs etc....I can understand some of them having to go....but not a few cats/dogs. I had 3 cats, they weren't an issue!!! I wouldn't be getting rid of any of my fur baby's....take that advice and toss it aside!!!!!

Stay positive x


----------



## melloumaw

bubbles,
try try and try again,they are out there waiting for you somewhere


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Love you all will reply tomorrow for now feeling weak so screw 2013 early dinner and bed for me xxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Re pets: What do these idiots say to farmers..You can have one sheep and two cows but only feed/tend to them on alternate Thursdays,
Or An adopted child will explode Bum heads


----------



## melloumaw

bubbles print this off to show the silly people 
http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/info-for-families/your-questions/can-i-adopt-or-foster-if-i-have-lots-of-pets,373,AR.html


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Mel


----------



## Sq9




----------



## Jelly.B

It's ridic! DO NOT GIVE UP THO!!! Next agency!!!!    
Sending hugs and kisses xxxx


----------



## babas

That's ridiculous! Have you tried an LA? Or is this just agencies?


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello Ladies  

I really don't know WHAT I would do without FF... It's seen me through years of treatment, has brought me some life long very dear friends, beautiful godchildren and what seems like an army of FF Nieces and Nephews. 

Feel blessed at least that in this new journey it is once again bringing wonderful people and advice our way so thank you all   

Well New Years eve was a washout, sure you can imagine, lots of tears, resentment and dull aching, was NOT in the mood to be wished a happy New Year so stayed in and watched the most awful (rubbish) yet brilliant film Sharknado instead   No happy festivities just sharks in the streets and swimmingpools of LA    

The good news is I did what I had to... licking wounds etc and woke on New Years Day, determined and resilient albeit bruised. 

Goldbunny - nearly 25 weeks hun my love to little Spot, and thanks for your kind words   Seen each other come a LONG way you and I  

Mel - As always you are my guardian angel in a sea of poseidon sized naughty adoption octopuses.  

Lolly - Thanks or your virtual hug and kind wishes, I hope your little ones first xmas went as you would have wished and was the magical experience all us Ladies wait so so long for. 

Claudia - Thanks xxx

Gertie - Your advice and doggy day care idea was GRATEFULY received and will deffinately be something I venture with anyone in future. 

Dreams and Baba - Thanks also

Thing is we ARE realistic about meeting a childs needs and have discussed and made plans for the eventuality that due to a specific childs needs/experiences/age we may have to rehome one or more of our precious fur babies, as a potential parent we would be devastated BUT of course would put the childs needs well above our own.... What I disagree vehemently with is re-homing a member of our family because of one SW's PERSONAL biases and opinion, especially LONG before matching is even a consideration. 

We have two pups, Odin and Lunar, who are proving exceptionally tolerant and gentle with children (REGULAR) contact with a three/seven and 13 year old. 
Four cats and two lizards. 

MOVING FORWARDS: 
My mum is putting pressure on us to abandon adoption and go back to treatment or explore surrogacy (she doesn't trust adoption services to be anything less than a shambles  due to her own experience when adopting me) This is NOT something I want to do... 
The first agency said 6 - 12 ... that was two months ago on the 14th so maybe try them come late April/May? 

I don't honestly know... but I do know that the more I have to fight for our children (wherever they may be) the more I know this is not something I can/will walk away from. 

Focusing this month on time with my beautiful Friends new born son this weekend, and visiting my Godkids end of the month. xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

babas - One VA and One LA


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sending masses of hugs and love. I think you are being fantastic 4 months to go with initial agency sounds sensible to me.  I would be tempted  give them a call at the end of the month and check in saying that you were wondering if they had prep dates planned for all of 2014 so you could plan annual leave etc round it. Also was thete any reading lists you could start on and just create a positive enthusiastic relationship and name for yourself round the office.  I rang our agency a few times during our wait with relevant and enthusiastic questions.  Because of this we knew prep dates months in advance and I suspect it's why we were the first to panel x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks DIY, I will do that, have already started reading what to expect when adopting and parenting the child that hurts.


----------



## Jelly.B

Big hugs bubbles     thinking of you lots xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Bubble - great advice from Diva. Also lots of non child things to do as things could move very quick so keep that pma you will be parents one day x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Love you always Jelly    

Gertie - Will do thanks again


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Brilliant attitude, I sense renewed hope and we are all behind you every step of the way!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Loly - How could I give up when I'm backed by such awesome people  My OL (offline) friends have also been amazing in their support which is heart-warming many offering to write letters including the owners of an anti bullying charity we've been involved with raising funds for since my friends daughters suicide in August xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I have read many sad posts about people adopting and friends drifting away as they couldn't understand the need to parent differently, didn't like the behaviours, just didn't 'get it'. But we have had the opposite and everyone, even people we don't know amazingly well, have just been so supportive. And to me it sounds like you are already sharing that experience. What a wonderful bunch of friends you have


----------



## crazyspaniel

You've had lots of great advice which I can't really add to but just wanted to say I admire your determination   as everyone on planet adoption knows determination and patience are needed by the bucket load!!!


----------



## babas

Please don't give up! I really don't see why they aren't allowing a medical before making a decision.


----------



## Wyxie

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had another setback.  

I hope you manage to find lots of things to fill up the next four months, and that it goes by quickly.  I think a lot of people in this situation would be tempted to go back to give treatment one more go in the meantime, and the fact that you aren't doing this shows a commitment to adoption that should be viewed positively when you meet with Social Services again.

Best wishes for 2014, 

Wyxie xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks to Wyxie, Babas, Crazy and Lolly, I hope the first week of Jan has been kind  

I'm going to keep posting as after all, even this waiting is part of the journey and maybe by sharing my thoughts and the 'whole' story one day when my journeys over it will help someone else.

I had an amazing weekend meeting my FF besties new baby.. he really is amazing, no feeling like seeing him with his proud mummy and daddy, they literally just shine with love for this precious 7lb 8oz gift... as all doting Aunties should I showered him with kisses cuddles and silly songs and golly gosh how I loved every minute of it. 
Seeing them together as a family and snatching some cuddles with him made me even more sure that nothing will make me give up on being a mummy so Life and LA's and VA's can throw any obstacles at me by the bucket load this lady isn't giving up. 

In a lot of ways I feel 'odd' about how well I've handled the bad news, I'd be lying of course if I said I was happy about it but I don't feel their judgements define my ability to be a mother anymore than the color of the sky.. it's simply part of reality that this is their 'Game' & I have no choice but to play it by their rules if I want to complete the course. 
I'd give many things to be at home holding my child/children.. dealing with the highs and very real lows that life brings as a family but that simply isn't something that for me has happened yet, so I have two options.. give up fling my arms in the air, fall into a giant pit of poor me and wallow until the world ends OR dust myself off, take in the beautiful things around me, the things/people and love I've been blessed with and for now wrap that unendingly unquantifiable amount of love I have waiting inside me with a bow and store it for the 'one day' I shall just keep moving towards. 
In some ways I'm grateful for the crap and tears, they make me appreciate the people around me and support given to me and Mr Bubbles even more, they make me adore my friends and their children more...knowing how special and beautiful those moments they come running at me for a cuddle with Aunty Bubble even more. This weekend we went for our near weekly walk with our friends and their three kiddies I can honestly say there was no better feeling than enjoying their company and knowing one day our kids will walk along side them, like cousins xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

thats the bubbles we know and love
mel x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Love it your dealing with it all could not be more fabulous. Your children will be blessed to find you when they do x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Mel my dear friend you've been there through so much of my tx journey and honoured you stand by me now also, your girls and step kids are blessed to have you and one day you're new baby will be too xxxxx

DIY- thanks you but honestly so much of my strength comes
from FF and my friends it's others I need to thank xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

RANT ALERT**
So this morning our official rejection letter arrived... I'm angry beyond belief and this is furthered by the fact that alongside my mental health they have referenced the pets and our alcohol intake, listing us as having 3+ more pets than we even do and saying our alchohol intake is to high (which my husband has since calculated using the government guidelines) and we are well within.... Makes you wonder what the hell else half truths they've listed on our official file...........
It's like she sat there embellishing to ensure we weren't accepted at this stage BIG mistake, I was going to sit quietly and play by their rules which is NOT happening now a very strongly worded complaint about the misinformation used will be landing on their desk next week ... You bare your soul tell the WHOLE truth warts and all and they don't even record things correctly (sincerely believe the pets reference in particular is due to the fact she personally STRONGLY dislikes pets in general)


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Stigma and discrimination is clearly alive and thriving


----------



## melloumaw

i would complain too sweetie, that is not on, surely they have a duty to be accurate in their recordings, do they make any wonder things go wrong within the system with rubbish like that.


----------



## goldbunny

bubble i am actually delighted by that - i suspected they were 'embellishing' but if they have gone so far as to give you written proof they are treating you unfairly that is great, it is like sending you ammunition....good luck fighting your case x x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Goldbunny I hadn't thought of it like that but you're right I suppose xxxxxxx


----------



## babas

That's disgraceful! I know our social worker at the initial visit didn't like dog and voiced this. I refuse to remove them from the room on the basis they are assessed and I therefore feel they should be part of it! She actually complimented us on this. My mum passed her initial home visit for fostering and she has had depression, 3 dogs, 2 cats and a parrot!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Babas, I wouldn't mind if they had a reason (maybe others will feel they do) but to me it's like the stigma of me being so open about mental health issues... YES I had a breakdown, after 3 years from hell, my mums cancer, fathers breakdown, me being the one holding things together, 5 failed treatments, and my cousins suicide, I won't apologise for asking for help and I damned well won't be judged for it. Since then and since picking up the pieces I've had a final failed ICSI and lost a very close friends daughter to suicide in August, whilst maintaining everything, I stayed tall and strong, where's the reference to that ??

I sadly am increasingly coming to think that they are all really concerned only about the tick in the box that says I've been open about having severe depression and everything else is a filler to make it seems more reasonable that they are asking us to wait ...... I thought I'd calm down but I'm just feeling more annoyed as time goes on....


----------



## goldbunny

the way i see it, they lied in the letter... there's no reason for people to lie, it's difficult, it takes effort vs telling the exact truth.  The only reason i can see for them lying is because they believe their case to be weak and to need strengthening, by the lie.. 

if you can a) demonstrate they lied
and b) demonstrate that the reason they lied was that they didn't have a strong enough case without lying

i don't see how they can still hold anything against you. 

don't be annoyed, the worse they behave the easier it is to prove discriminatory behaviour. If you slip up and get angry they will just add that to their list of reasons.

perhaps you need to reinforce the reference to staying tall and strong. anyway, i think they haven't a leg to stand on.


----------



## melloumaw

sweetie you get it out on here honey, its what we're here for.
i think i would ask for a complaints form from head office or wherever, explain the situation and demand an impartial revisit.
failing that i would i would ring and tell them the lies that have been put in your letter are going to watch dog,whom im sure will be very interested,given local authorities etc getting things so wrong in the past, with  regards to baby P etc
love ya mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Goldbunny, Mel


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hey All, 

So today I had an email from another LA chasing interest we expressed in December .... Really dubious about trying another IV at this time as loosing faith that we would be considered as soon as they hear about depression... So this was my reply

Dear X,

We would very much like to peruse adoption, however after two previous initial visits deferring us by 6-12 months due to a history of depression christmas of 2012 to 2013 (despite my offer for them to speak freely with both my consultant and gp, which was declined) we feel dejected and are concerned that we would at this point only meet with the same response. 

I would be more than happy to discuss/answer all and any questions by phone prior to planning an initial visit to exclude this, but would rather not face another home visit only for this to again be used to defer us. I say this not to be difficult but as I'm sure you'll appreciate it can be very disheartening. 


Best Regards,
Mr and Mrs Bubble


----------



## melloumaw

well done sweetie, you just wait for that positive response


----------



## crazyspaniel

Sounds good  
Hope you get a positive response! Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva




----------



## Sq9




----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks all no reply yet, may have shot myself in the foot but I'm at the point where I see no point in pretence. 

Still.. January is going to be an amazing month despite a rocky start with LA and chest infection! 

Have some Samaritans training with the anti-bullying charity I'm involved with a week today, and then spending the following weekend with my beautiful FF friend and my two godkids (her beaut twinnies) and the family . 

Then Feb starts with more training specific to domestic abuse and a week away with my dear friends and their three kiddies and of course our two huskies  

Also need to start my training for Tough Mudder in July.. 12 mile SAS assault course including electro shock and ice bath... Considering the 2st I've put on since finishing tx 8 months ago there's a lot of .... *ahem* work to be done 

 to all 
Xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Only downside was the STUPID reminder I'd set all those months ago on my phone during our final tx.. My 'if only' due date Feb 28th. One day I'll sit with our children and tell them about our journey to find them and bring them home forever and all this 'sadness and struggle' will be a distant memory, the part of the story that makes the happy ending all the more sweet


----------



## melloumaw

how you doing sweetie?
xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So.... where do I start with the last few months..... 

We are being good little infertile muggles and just following the flow whilst back in Limboland. I've had a sort of self imposed time out from all things FF or adoption/child related, not meant in a sad or sour faced way, but trying to channel my energy into the people that tx and adoption inevitably means you don't spend the time you should with. 

I've been doing a lot more with the antibullying org that has helped my friends since their daughters suicide in August, and we're (as an org) on the brink of awaiting formal acceptance to become a registered charity. I've also been doing plenty of training with them, from a Samaritans course, to some nspcc and domestic abuse related online and workshop training. 
Aims for the next year are for me to complete a Level 4 Diploma in Counselling and Psychotherapy that I've just enrolled on, one day it will be satisfying I'm sure to show adoptive services just how well trained I am to understand mental health INCLUDING my own lol... 

We had a beautifull half term break with my dear friends and their three kids in Wales, was magic and spending time with them was a REAL treat in itself  *feeling very blessed* 

Today is the day we would have been due if our final own egg treatment had worked, it's also the week we had been told (before being rejected the same day) that we should be doing our first adoption training course .... I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel some sadness this week that life hasn't moved on the way we'd hoped, but the thing about life is I guess there's always tomorrow/next week/month year. 

Trying to see it as a pause as opposed to full stop 

xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Jelly.B

Thinking of you always   xxx


----------



## melloumaw

ah bubbles, steps backwards are just a the beginning of the run up to the final hurdle 
hi jelly sweetie


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad you had a lovely break.  Some weeks are sent to try us.  Onwards and upwards you're doing amazing x x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So as the post reminded me it's been over 60 days since my last post... my my where does time go, so we could officially re-approach adoption services sometime between Nov and Jan, but currently we are thinking about delaying until 2016..... I never thought I'd say that but I think I've realised that one more rejection might be the straw that breaks the camels back... I was so sure we'd be a family by now, we did everything right, tried, stayed strong, open.. But like the famous quote from forrest Gump ''life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get'' Being a family would still be my dream come true but despite all my faith, over time I feel my belief slipping away. 

I want to say we will never give up but in honesty the break from all things IVF/Adoption has only made returning to it seems more dark and lonely


----------



## goldbunny




----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

You have to do what is right for you. I think it shows massive strength of character to delay when it's something got need and want so badly.  Unfortunately there are no easy decisions.  Lovely to hear from you.  Xxx


----------



## melloumaw

bubbles i honestly believe with you wonderful character and good nature.your ability to help others when you face such hard times yourself. and your shear determination.you Will achieve your dreams.i believe this because i feel you deserve it.you know where i am if you need me and that i Will always have time even if you just need a rant.
love to you xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

2015 WILL BE THE START OF SOMETHING NEW:

So I have to admit the last 11 months have been something of a journey of their own, from one extreme to another....Sometimes after spending so many years travelling non stop down a certain path , when the road disappears from under you and the only choice is to set up camp and re-play the journey so far, you find yourself questioning almost everything....

Since my last post this is where I've been, this board didn't seem to be the right place for this interlude in my journey... but I guess I'm back 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=323400.0

It's not going to be a sprint start ahead, probably more of a zombie like shuffle to begin but a new path has built where the old fell away and it's time to prepare to pack up the camp and move on xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So just has the official call and booked our IV from a new agency Jan 5th 2015


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Wonderful to hear from you so pleased got everything crossed for you.  Xxx


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Yay, well done for moving forward. We are cheering for you!


----------



## Sq9

Good luck  . New year new start xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thankyou Mummy Diy and Handstitched  

Bit nervous but plenty of time to prepare ahead of Jan 6th  xxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Good luck Bubbles, fresh year, fresh agency, fresh start   This is your time


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck bubbles xxx


----------



## Jelly.B

That's great news bubble     
Lots of hugs and kisses xx


----------



## staceyemma

2015 will be your year  

Love u xxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Lolly, Twink and of course my two old friends Jelly and Stace. 

So just over a month now before our IV and hoping third time will be the charm, but I'm less excited than before. 
I think maybe that's good though to have a calm, slightly more detached approach as if it's bad news again I feel at least I'm becoming a pro at getting that, I don't even need to practice my ''I'm fine really...'' (breaking inside) ''I understand, all good things in time'' face lol  

I've told a couple of people but not as many as last time, less people to give the bad news too again if it doesn't happen. 

Me and Hubby have a whole week off next week for my last twentysomething birthday so looking forward to time with my man and dogs.... 

I'll start preparing the 'folder' for the IV when we are back, until then however trying to just carry on planning our life without building anything 'child' related into it. 

It's odd how you spend years at the start of your journey planning every holiday/day out around TTC, psychologically booking your life around ensuring you will be available for tests, meetings etc, then you sort of get to a point where you book everything regardless and instead adopt a ''too have to cancel will just be extra fabulous'' attitude instead lol


----------



## melloumaw

sweetie, that fantastic attitude is what makes you who you are, i honestly believe in "everything for a reason", even though it can be hard to see at the time. your time is coming and you know i'll be here waiting in anticipation for when it does.
love and luck to you honey
love ya mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

BIG GIANT CAPS LOCK HUGS TO YOU MEL!! XXXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Dear All, 

Not many sleeps till the holidays hope you're all ready  

So our holibobs for my last twenty something was a DREAM, love being there such a quaint village and lovely little town below.  The last few weeks have gone in a blur and I can't quite get my head around the fact our visit is three weeks. 

I'm not overly 'immersed' in the pending IV, which is bizarre as I know that we have done everything asked of us bar re-homing all animals (which the previous LA agreed when later challenged wasn't needed) so I should perhaps be dancing with glee at the though 'THIS MAY BE THE TIME' ... I think maybe it's me protecting myself more this time, being 90% ready for disappointment and scarcely accepting the chance that things may end well. 

I haven't done anything to prepare other than training the dogs to no longer sit on the sofa and 'considering' touching up the skirting boards I never quite finished before they come  ...No luck traing Odin that people don't yearn for a French kiss from him though lol .... Let's hope if they ask to meet him they are ready for Odin love

Me and hubby have been talking a little more about what happens if it doesn't work out.. Plan B's and C's but again only in passing.....

Should I be more 'preppy and peppy?' 

xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

sweetie, you be however makes you feel most in control.
love to you
mel x


----------



## goldbunny

excited for you bubble, everything crossed! i think staying calm and not over-thinking it is the way to help odin stay calm too xx good luck.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds perfect to me.  Enjoy Christmas and relax got everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Well my Lovelies! 
I hope the halls are all decked and presents all wrapped, DIY congrats on the AO being granted ( I didn't see it before) and Goldbunny big Christmas kisses to Spotling, Mel, I hope the Kids/stepkids and grandkids are all ready for the festivities!!

As for us I'm almost all done (every time I think I am, I end up buying/making more lol)

I finish work on the 23rd so looking forwards to that and some time at home with Hubby and the animals <3 

Baking this Sunday with my friends littlies at hers, BLOOMING love those kids and of course hoping I may get sometime to see my super special FF friends and their kiddies at some point in the early new year .... Maybe I'll have some positive news for them all this time..

What will be will be xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

hi chick, it always makes me smile to hear that you are well,we're all done for xmas, having the in-laws over this year 1st time lol.
DH has said he'd like to put things in place to start this summer, he has never really said too much about it except to agree with me,so fingers crossed for June/July.
i know you will get your forever babies sweetie however they come to you... their coming.
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

AHHHHHHHHH Mel I am woo wooping for you haha!! Love that Hubbys been the one to suggest foot forward in 2015 (Mind you who wouldn't want to add extra mini Mels to the world you're too awesome for any other decision to be possible)       

2015 Shall have to be the year we get that cuppa! xxx


----------



## melloumaw

im with you on that, 
we're also going to poland this year coming for a friends babies christening,and this new friend managed to contact my relatives there so i can visit them too,
2015 will be the babydust brigades year sweetie


----------



## staceyemma

Thinking of my fertility friends buddies all the time  
Time goes so quick, theo is one now! Such a beautiful boy.

Love to you all xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Happy New Year to all xxxxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

happy new year sweetie, fingers crossed its a good one for you
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Well I'm officially nervous... so many things I feel I haven't done or worried the house will not be at its best BUT we are who we are, what we have isn't perfect but it's real. Hopefully tomorrow will be the start of a better year xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs thinking of you xx


----------



## melloumaw

i've got it ll crossed for you honey....
extra special  
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

WELL ... It seemed to go ok but after talking we have decided they aren't the right agency for us, the couple of SW that came were fabulous but they were very clear that their area was specifically tasked with children of 4 and above and generally harder to place after that fact.... Whilst we are open minded we feel it's a choice we would like to remain open to as opposed to an age range we want to make our sole option, while there may be a younger child come up this is unlikely due to the children their VA is assigned..... So I have called the initial agency we saw, whose main request was we waited 6-12 months, it has now been 14 months so have called them and some great news they want to see us again, and even better the lady we had a fantastic rapprt with is the one coming back and her colleague who had insisted we wait (against nice ladies judgement) has LEFT!!!! It's been a very odd day and I feel quite peculiar in many ways but positive peculiar lol xxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Grest news hun glad the meanie has left. The last 14 months will simply show your commitment.  Xxx


----------



## melloumaw

this all sounds fab honey.
im so pleased your original choice of agency seems so excited to hear from you. 
keep us updated.
mel x


----------



## goldbunny

hope your patience is rewarded very soon bubble!


----------



## K jade

I have been following your diary bubbles as this is something my DP and I are also considering
I wish you every success, and lots of luck, although I'm sure you won't need it!! 
xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Ladies, I cannot tell you how much the support you all give helps keep us going during the tough patches and spear us on in good times too! I have decided one thing is true of almost every situation in life IF included. You can pause, you can rest, you can think, change direction, you can consider and you can heal but NEVER give up


----------



## goldbunny

Mr & Mrs Bubble said:


> You can pause, you can rest, you can think, change direction, you can consider and you can heal but NEVER give up


beautiful!


----------



## melloumaw

mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

VISIT OFFICALLY BOOKED! Jan 30th wish us luck xxxx


----------



## melloumaw

fingers crossed for 30.01.15
good luck my sweet
mel x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

All things happen for a reason, masses of luck!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news hope the next few weeks fly xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So a week till the IV and all is ok here @ Bubbles House. 

Mr Bubbles has a bit of a cold, but he's pretty good to be fair at soldiering on  

Another couple of weeks and we will be celebrating our 9th Anniversary(non wedding) ... where does time go, I got fatter and he did but bar that it feels more like we are back to the old pre tx us than ever before... we've matured more but life is so much more about enjoying than analysing the way it was when investigation and tx began. 

I hated being told we should wait 12 months, but you know what, in honesty maybe it was a good thing? That total pause brought a lot of emotions to be confronted that we can now honestly say we have processed, at least as much as the natural sands of time allow in a year.  

I actually LIKE my life, I love the fact we took this year to start doing! going to comedy gigs again, nights out, camping with the dogs and meeting fabulous people, seing new places, my friends, I'm weirdly grateful to IF for the way it shone a light on so many aspects on my life, people it  revealed for their lack of real 'friendship' and even more so for the amazing courageous and selfless friends it has seen me gain, my GORGOUS god kids and my friends beautiful children. 

The world our baby/child/children will be joining us in via adoption is one that is now full of a deeper understanding of how important it is to see the good in life, even on bad days, of how much beauty and potential there is even in the most seemingly flawed start!

I can't wait too experience our future as family and hopefully it's all starting here, infront of your very eyes


----------



## melloumaw

you always make me smile,10 days honey, im here all the way for you...
mel x


----------



## goldbunny

what she said x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous post love it. Can't wait for the official good news xx


----------



## melloumaw

It's the final countdown ... der der der der di di di di di da da da da daa daaaaaaaaaaaa daa da da dada
lol roll on friday
everything crossed including eye's "ouch" it makes it hard to see where your going lol
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello ALL, 

Sorry for the lack of personals but just nipping on while boss is out! 

Well it's been quite a week here, the (small case) of rising damp on the understairs wall appears to possibly be a more severe leak from under the house, so the downstairs is a tip as I've had to empty my guilty hoarding of crap place (the understairs cupboard from which items are known to enter but not return) so todays insurance surveyor can come and look   just what I need the eve before inspection, and we face them having to rip  kitchen units out to get full access the flooring behind/below.... works been FULL of problems that all need attention and need it now, hubbys had a rotten cold, and sadly one friend has unexpectedly lost her dad and one of my dear friends has had some terrible news..

I'll be honest it's all dampened my spirits to a soggier state than said understair carpet....

Still it's the kind of week that makes you more resolved to get to happier times ahead, and have good news to share with those who need it around us. 

On the upside, whatever happens tomorrow am I can only hope that it's the start of getting to that better place, even if they will have to accept my house looking and smelling like a damp cave has teleported to below my stairs      

We have lots planned in for the weekend so whether its one of celebrations or commiseration we will just have to loack load, and go with it!

I keep thinking that by the end of 2015, there's a chance all be it small, and unformed, that we could be so so close to being a mummy and daddy..........
I look at my friends kids (our surrogate neices and nephews) and when I'm lucky enough to visit my godkids I give them a hug and think if I love these little people so much I could cry, WOW what would it feel like to hold 'our child/children' for the first time......

How nice would it be, some time from now, to close this diary, after doing just that.....

I hope to share that with you all one day, as thanks for reading and advising on my ramblings xxx



Still they will simply have to take us as they find us at 9:30am tomorrow I suppose ....


----------



## goldbunny

bubble.. when we moved into our house a few years ago i decreed that our understairs cupboard would Not in fact be getting any hoovers or junk but would be a central and important Toy Cupboard. This felt like a bold move on my part given that at the time we were an adult only household and i could have been 'tempting fate' but i duly filled up the space with jigsaws board games etc (i had plenty, but previously they'd been uner beds and stashed away upstairs).

Anyway i think the whole thing sounds like a definite message that you also are in need of a largish triangulary Toy Cupboard. Almost a 'walk-in games room' if you will. So i reckon stash the junk away somewhere and fill the space with things that make you happy. Because i think usually there are a few places that are 'the heart of the home' so it's time for that central space to stop being a 'guilty hoarding of crap' and become somewhere for fun. xxx


----------



## goldbunny

(obviously dry everything out/get it all fixed first!!!!)

good luck!!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry about the stresd not needed however walk in toy cupboard sounds wonderful.  You'll be great tomorrowthinking of you xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Good luck! Can't wait for a great update


----------



## melloumaw

good luck today, it's going to go great as your a wonderful mummy to be who deserves this more than anything
love to you
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So far they're 15 mins late though may be due to the snow !


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

SPOILER ALERT:
In a later post I will share the ins/outs but we are through to the next round 

Tears have flowed, and shared the good news with some of my dearest FF's by phone including a very emotional call to OZ  


I can't write now as just in shock, wonderful, amazing, ahock


----------



## goldbunny

wooohoooo!


----------



## Jelly.B

Still in tears and 10pm here!!!
So happy for you sweetie 
Super well done!! xxxxxxx


----------



## melloumaw

what did i tell you, its your year sweetie
well done
love to you
mel x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk can't wait for full update xxx


----------



## hopepaige

I no we spoke yesterday my darling but OMG I still have a smile from ear to ear for you guys. Such exciting times ahead for u. Lots of love


----------



## Wyxie

Lovely news.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks All for the lovely messages, here and via PM/ Bookface. 

Well, where to start, as soon as they arrived I was relieved to find the lady we'd met previously just as lovely and approachable as before, and indeed her colleague to. 
We chatted for a good hour or so, mainly updating the information and things we'd talked about at their last visit. 

About the pets, things we had in place for the dogs and how pets may affect our/a childs placement considerations. 
Changes and growth in our support network and the increased time and experience we now have with younger children thanks to my wonderful pals kids etc. 

We were as open and honest as we could be really...  

They have said they feel confident that any concerns they had about me needing more time after my breakdown have been met and while of course their medical advisor will want to talk to my GP etc they are confident at this stage. 


ON TO THE INTIAL COURSES AND START OF STAGE ONE: 
We've been given the dates for the closest two courses, one next month and then there is a gap before the next one in June, so right now we are waiting to see which we will be allocated to, weirdly the thought of having to wait for the June one, doesn't feel like as traumatic a delay as I would previously have thought. 

in some ways I'm glad that if nothing else the year out has forced me to re-evaluate my need to have control over the pace at which things occur... So while we'd love to start in March if not I view it as a good opportunity to sort some of the basics into better order ahead of time... stupid things like filling in the garden pond, fresh lick of paint around the house etc all the stuff made so much harder when our long awaited family is finally with us needing our focus.  

I'm waiting for the email to confirm which month we're booked into and then it all guest from there, medicals, checks and allocation to a case worker..... 

I looked at my spare room last night, stood in the doorway looking at the office chair/desk we brought a year ago, the double bed that's hogging all the space and I smiled... because finally the room I hesitantly re-decorated to be an office/adult spare room might finally be for our little one/s instead


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

PS To anyone maybe quietly reading this, whose had set-backs, felt hope was lost, felt to tired and heavy... 

Be kinder to yourself, allow time to heal and grieve the losses you may have faced... but NEVER ever give up, because one day when you're ready to pull yourself back up, one day when you feel ready to hesitantly pull back the curtains, daylight will stream back through and you'll slowly realise that it's a new day and that while there may have been plot twists, new characters in, and others out the fresh chapter ahead can be the start of your happy ending after all xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic post all sounds great xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

No you must never ever give up. We changed agency and had a delay and thank god, because now we have our little girl. Our world. Our little girl mended broken hearts and only when that was done could our miracle boy come along. Everything happens for a reason and I now am so grateful for my infertility. I never believed in fate but it's real and everything happens for a reason. I can tell you are fully ready now and this is your time. You'll understand everything that's happened and it will make sense because now your baby/ies are ready for you to be their mummy and daddy


----------



## melloumaw

your going to have me in tears sweetie...
good things come to those wait.with all the waiting you've done your due bucket loads of good things
love to you
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello My lovelies! 

So in true life is like a box of chocolates form...... We were accepted to start in March but we have an issue at home with damp along an inner wall, they now think ( the insurers) this could be coming from under the house, so until they have managed to source the leak, they cannot be sure how invasive the work will be to correct it (over a month on they still haven't been able to carry out a survey for one reason or another). 

It is however very possible it's going to be a big job, including having the kitchen ripped out in part and possibly part of the bathroom too, add to this the fact the effected wall has tiling and kitchen units attached to it, there seems to be no escaping this is going to a bigger job than we'd expected .. Not to mention we don't know what the implications to our finances could be... SO after a chat with our SW we have decided to defer until June 

I feel ok about it, the thought of calling them made me initially feel very panicky (what if they saw it as lack of commitment etc) but once it was done I knew we'd made the right choice, not just because of the work at home but by deferring till June my husbands course will also have finished and the list of things we could do with sorting at the house, general getting things in order can be completed before we start..  

I'm using the time as positively as possible, working on our budgets and getting outgoings down wherever possible, comparethemeerkat and me are becoming firm friends. I've gone on a 'driet' (cut out all alchohol) in a bid to loose some weight and gain some rejuvenated liver tissue and the 'diet' is next, wine and chocolate was too much to loose in one step lol


----------



## melloumaw

glad to have an update from you sweetie, i was wondering how you were getting on
love to you
mel x


----------



## melloumaw

hi sweetie, just a quick check in on you..
hope your well and things are moving along for you, how's the problems with the house going?
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi all, 

Aware quite some time has passed! I want to write that massive things have happened... They have not, after a catalogue of issues the damp issue is not further forward, in fact now worse.. We have had to delay adoption proceedings untill mid Sept. As of this week we have no kitchen base units, no plaster in certain areas and no skirting/door frames and after specialist people come Tuesday (as they have found asbestos underlay) we will have no flooring downstairs except the lounge

dryers then need to be in for 4-8 weeks before they can start anything repair wise


----------



## goldbunny

yikes bubble. so sorry that sounds very stressful for you. i hope it is all sorted as soon as possible. are the puppies coping?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs what a nightmare x


----------



## melloumaw

better to get all the trouble of the way now rather than once you start to move forwards,
love to you
mel x


----------



## melloumaw

hi bubbles sweetie, just wondering how you are? 
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi All, 

So FINALLY the house is all fixed, after a NIGHTMARE just a new carpet to go down and we will be done, bloody long 8 months lol 

Adoption Course starts mid Sept! 

Nervous as has been a long wait but guess we will soon know  

I don't know how I feel in terms of optimism levels .... I think cautious covers it. I feel like we started a BIG journey in 2007 that I'm still not quite sure I've seen a recent mile marker to show where we are at 

I miss FF but suppose while in limbo I've not felt I had a place here, hopefully that will change soon xxx


----------



## melloumaw

im so pleased to hear from you sweetie.
glad to hear things are moving along with the house. im keeping everthing crossed for september for you. you can soooo do this!!!
we're still waiting for things to get going, but we did get a flock of chickens for me to coo over until then lol
oh and my fertile chicken eggs just arrived in the post so ickle chicks in 3 weeks hopefully
all the best to you honey
mel x


----------



## goldbunny

big hugs bubble roll on september!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Aww Mel - You always make me smile - Its like a warm hug when I see your posts  I really must haul my bum your way soon for the meet and cuppa! 

Goldbunny - I hope you're well honey? Little Spot must be a full of adventure about now is he walking and climbing yet


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Our SW is coming back to see us for a 'refresher' on Augsut 24th... nervous eeeek lol. 
Am confident she'll be happy with the changes though and the fact we've kept making positive steps despite the delay.


----------



## melloumaw

your right to be confident in yourself hannah. you have gone above and beyond to prove your ready for this,and im sure it will reflect.
love to you
mel x


----------



## hopepaige

Oh my angel that's is just super exciting   18 days in counting I agree with Mel when they see all the effort u guys have put in and your dedication I'm sure it's gonna happen this time😘😘 otherwise hope u r well  so nice to see u still around Mel how r u keeping?  Hey Go how r u and little spot do in?


----------



## melloumaw

hi hope yeah im good.
hows the 3 amigo's?


----------



## hopepaige

Hey Mel 
We good can't believe they will be 2 in sep already it's crazy but loving it☺
How r u and the family


----------



## goldbunny

hey hope wow nearly two amazing! sending three cuddles for them    

spot is a terror learning to climb and run doesn't talk though. he's the cutest whirling minx i ever met. how anything can be that cute and that mischievious i don't know! Eats everything. Mainly books and cardboard, given the chance. Mind you last week he bit a hole in a plastic water bottle and got himself quite wet!


----------



## melloumaw

hope, we're all good,2nd daughter starts college this time, youngest just turned 14 scary lol.
how are you today bubbles?


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So the 24th is here and less than one hour to go  
The house has been cleaned top to bottom lawn mowed and tidied, the house has been febreezed to within an inch of legal safety limits, the dogs walked and tired out ............ Let's hope our ability to use febreezed successfully earmarks us as clearly a potentially amazing adoptive parental unit lol  

I have been telling myself I cannot CANNOT cannot stay this nervous before ever visit or home visits will be a nightmare lol! Think it's just the fact we've not seen anyone since January due to the delays with the leak at home, so hopefully this will be an icebreaker back into the process! 

So lucky to have a SW we genuinely like that seems to like us! 

Well wish us luck, I pray this really is the start of us finally becoming a family. We want to be a mummy and daddy so badly, we keep getting up despite being knocked down, we haven't given up little baby bubbles we are coming for you I promise xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck  you'll  be  amazing  I'm  sure  xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Go for it! Sure it'll go very well!


----------



## goldbunny

everything crossed for a smooth process and a speedy happy new beginning...


----------



## melloumaw

i have everything crossed for you today sweetie.
good luck.....not that you'll need it
mel x


----------



## Jelly.B

Thinking of you sweetie!!   Hope it all went fab xxxx


----------



## melloumaw

hey sweetie. how did it go?
hi jelly wow look at max now,how are you?
mel x


----------



## Jelly.B

Hi Mel   all great here in Oz   loving every minute of it! 
How's you?

Sure 'bubble' just fine and she will post once she's got a spare minute  
Xx


----------



## staceyemma

I stayed with Bubble a few days back, all is good, she'll be on soon I expect  
We took Theo to the zoo   was great

Hope everyone is ok


----------



## melloumaw

brilliant news stacey, wow theo's not so little now
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello All, 

Sorry I've not posted been a whirlwind here at Bubble HQ. 

The meeting went well and the course, well it was mostly as expected, but what I don't think us, or many of the other couples had expected was quite how emotionally draining it would be. 

I don't mean that in a negative way, but it was very intense, both in content and expectations/experiences. 
By the end of the week both of us agreed we felt positive but extremely tired, and it was nice to slip back into some normality and process what we had learnt more. 

We were fortunate to be able received our cleared DBS the same weekend the course ended, and to book our medicals in almost straight away for the Tuesday after the course, and all of our central referees confirmed they have sent their packs back so now we wait I suppose.

They did say at the time we would be unlikely to hear anything for around 8 weeks but I'm already getting anxious and having to sit on my hands to stop myself emailing/enquiring lol ...

We have taken the bull by the horns and in attempts to be positive converted the lean to/conservatory into a playroom/toy store ready to show them we are considering and planning, and have tried to incorporate the kind of items they taught us about in Theraplay. 

If nothing else our friends kids will LOVE playing in their when they're visiting     

That's if hubby will share  

For me, this harder in someways than tx, as at least with tx you feel you're actively doing something, there's some control, in this instance it feels like we are constantly waiting the next green light from another person , it's a bit like a long journey, mainly constructed of traffic lights, give way signs and intersections but we accept as much as we can, that this will be how our lives are for the next couple of years at least...  For us to realise our dreams of becoming a family it has to be. 

The Social workers running the course were lovely and very approachable, they quickly warned me (in a banter way) to stay away from profiles as they can tell I would want to offer them all a home ....


So waiting......... should be good at this by now


----------



## goldbunny

you should probably avoid pet shops too, just to be on the safe side 😄

well done! you are on the way... good luck with the next stage hope the wait isn't too bad.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

I have decided I may start a 'wait' better than I used to but I still have an impatient streak in me the size of the USA once my 'tolerance' level is reached 

PLEASE JUST LET STAGE ONE BE OVER AND US BE ACCEPTED TO STAGE TWO


----------



## melloumaw

what sort of time scale are you looking at to start stage 2?
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

They say too allow roughly eight weeks for stage one so hopefully we will know by late November.

If I've not gone stark raving bonkers by then ... 

In other news hoping to sit down and work out a better budget to allow us to save some money for hopefully adoption leave ... No more splurging on things I don't really REALLY need ... Ahem


----------



## melloumaw

im wishing you all the luck in world
mel x


----------



## Gertie5050

hunni and we will be here to hold your hands on every step of your journey to becoming wonderful parents !!!!!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thank you ladies I'm very lucky to have such wonderful friends and support from FF members. xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

AND WE ARE THROUGH TO STAGE TWO


----------



## melloumaw

mel x


----------



## Norma12

Fab news xxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news well done x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Dear All, 

I'm so sorry for abandoning you all, it's been a roller-coaster of a six months but I'm back with my feet on the floor, and you'll be pleased to know myself and Mr Bubble have a smile on our faces. 

We were approved in May 2016! 

A new journey has now begun known as 'family finding' .... I'm genuinely sorry I have not shared this news or our progression with you before, I think if I 'typed it out' or 'said it out loud' I was worried the optimism and progress would vanish as things have done before... But now we can breathe and rest a little while in the glow of 'potential parenthood. 

I will be back soon to write all about stage two, and the process itself, I only hope our story, starting over 3 years ago gives one other FF family the faith to keep trying, we have been knocked down a few times, but every time we have got back up, every time we have fought to prove ourselves has paid off at last... 

I'm guess we're officially ''adoptant'' (like pregnant but without the stretch marks, morning sickness or swollen cankles)


----------



## melloumaw

oh Hannah im so happy to hear from you
congratulations to you both, and so much good luck with your potential babies
you deserve this so much,your one of the nicest ladies i have had the pleasure to encounter
keeping everything crossed for you 
love to you always
mel x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing when you're adoptant you can drink champagne to celebrate your milestones and lack of cankles xxx


----------



## melloumaw

and you wont get gross cravings at ungodly hours
mel x


----------



## tinkytoes

Hi Bubble, 

Any news yet since your approval (I've been glued to your diary).  We are in stage 1 (medicals tomorrow), most references are in and praying   we'll get to stage 2 soon.  I do hope you have your family, gosh you deserve it.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So I have to think where I should start, life has been so hectic here at the Bubblehouse! 
I suppose I should start from stage two as promised...

STAGE TWO -BEARING YOUR INNER MOST SOUL- 
One thing I think most adopters would agree with is that stage two can feel very much like the worlds LONGEST interview, only no subject is off the table.... from your past, values and even how you would juggle having 'love time' as a couple (yes I know someone who was actually asked that) 
I think part of the reason everyone worries about STAGE 2 is that you feel under such pressure to have all the right answers to each question. My advice... DON'T ... you are a real live person/persons, we all make mistakes, are all learning and are all imperfect, it's the fact we are real that is your gift to your future child, because you will embrace their imperfections and faults and nourish their characters BECAUSE that is real love. It's ok to say 'i'm not sure' or 'we will have to learn together' because you can't have every question right before you know who you're bringing home. MOST importantly, the more you are yourself the more your SW will get to know you, and when it comes to panel, and family finding the better they know the real you, the closer you will be to becoming a family. 

For us stage two crossed over about a 4 month period, with weekly visits of between 2 & 4 hrs. We also made the most of the additional day courses our Agency had to offer, theraplay, sibling workshops, and involving our immeasurable support network with friends and family days, helping them to understand the process and how to best support us. 
These visits ended around four weeks before our Panrl date. During that time your SW will complete your PAR, this is the document that basically summarises who you are, what you have to offer, and will act not only as your report for panel but also for any SW considering you to be matched to a child.
You have chance to review this with your SW before panel and make sure you're happy with it! 

Panel can vary greatly depending on your own agency or local authority, for us we were lucky our SW had done such a good job with our PAR that panel didn't have many questions as they felt it had all been covered very comprehensively, we got the typical two, 1. Why adoption and 2. Why our choice of agency.
Your social worker goes in first and answers as many of the panels questions as possible, you then come in and they all introduce themselves before asking anything they need.

After.....this is the nail biting but, you are escorted out and left to wait while the panel make their decision and 
Your SW is then able to come back and deliver the verdict ..... and yes it's as nerve wracking as it sounds BUT  by this point you have to be confident in yourselves and know that you would likely not have been taken to panel unless they were 99.9% sure it'd be a yes. For us it was, a blessed, long awaited, tear producing unanimous yes!!!

After this YES the real work begins, your PAR will be shared with children's SW
and you may also be asked to look at profiles for children looking for their forever families, this is in someways the hardest part. It's easy to be become consumed and confused by the overwhelming amount of information and children looking for families. My advice is simple

1. Be honest - mostly with yourself, whilst we all want to rescue and protect a child with a often heartbreaking past you need to be honest if their needs are actually ones you are capable and willing to handle. Their often is no magic fix, the experiences these children have been through may be with te long term and possibly
forever. If your not honest with your own limitations that child, and yourself may be in for more heartbreak, worst case it could mean your placement breaks down and both you and the child experience another loss. 

2. Be open minded - you will likely have an idea of what your think your future child/children will be like..... be prepared to fall for the profile you would have least expected, sometimesnour hearts and gut instances can surprise us

3. Look after yourselves - make time for non adoption adventures, the process can vary in length and self care is key! Make time for friends, fun, family, do things that will be much harder when your family is found! And enjoy it!!!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Parting Note:

Our two little bubbles are tucked up asleep upstairs , I have come to know a love deeper and more consuming than I can ever have expected and most of all DREAMS
CAN COME TRUE


----------



## goldbunny

eeekkkk! wowsers bubble congratulations on your family   so happy for you after your long journey, it is such good news.        you so deserve your happy ending -though i know this is just the beginning of your new adventure


----------



## melloumaw

didn't i always say i saw twins for you!!!
congratulations to you all 
mel x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Not quite twins Mel but very close xxxx


----------



## melloumaw

well i said 2 in a buggy twins or 2 boys its amazing news, what ages do you have?
mel x


----------



## goldbunny

bet you can't wait for christmas bubble! exciting!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Wow so pleased for you excellent xx


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