# WHY?



## Guest (Jul 11, 2008)

Hi Everyone

i had my BFN last friday and was surprisingly calm about the whole thing even when the nurse told me the results of my blood test i just calmly replied, oh i knew that anyway as i have been testing at home.

the problem is i just dont understand WHY?

why do i feel like i want to bawl my eyes out but there are no tears?
why do i get real palputations in my chest when i see a preganat woman while out shopping?
why do i have to explain to my step daugters that me and daddy will try again soon to give them a baby brother or sister.
why, no matter what i do or how much money i spend, nothing takes the pain away?
why when now i should be celebrating do i feel nothing but despair?
why have i thrown away everything related to tx, even the notebook with the list of baby names i like?
why am i terrified that if i dont have children our relationship wont survive?
why am i so jealous when i watch our neighbours taking their children to school and why do i wonder whether that will ever be me?
why now that i am writing all these things are the tears flowing in full force?
why do i have to read of the sadness in my fellow FF'S diaries when they too have BFN's?

WHY?


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## Rachey (Jan 29, 2008)

Laura i'm so sorry to hear of your BFN   I too had mine last Sat and am now on a new rollercoaster trying to get my head around the WHY'S...there's no answers unfortunately and that's what I too am struggling to accept  

I hope you find an inner strength to carry on and find some peace and wish you all the best for the future.

Rach xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Oh hun, i didn't want to read and run.



I don't think there are any answers to the 'why's, but all i can say (and i know this is the last thing youwant to hear) the pain does get easier, and you will get strong enough to try again.

I went through those feelings 3 times, and i know how hard it is and how much you want to scream at the injustice.

Deal with your feelings as they come, and scream if you need to. sometimes you need to scream or punch something to help those tears to come.

Your relationship WILL survive, just be kind to yourself, and be kind, and understanding with each other. dh will be hurting as much as you are, but they just don't show it.

I can't say anything that will make you feel better, but i just want you to know that i understand.


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

OB hun, I could of wrote that post hun... As you know I had my second BFN yesterday, and feel like I have failed as a women... I cant see it ever being ok. 

And every time I look at the TV I see a pregnant women or a baby.... And think will I ever get that? And to top everything off my cousin called yesterday to tell me she is 12 weeks pregnant. Things just keep getting better.  

Your not alone sweetie... I know how your feeling, I really do... I wish I could make it ok.

Natalie xxx


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## ♥ Sarah ♥ (Jan 5, 2005)

Laura,

      .

xx


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## jenny_b (Mar 26, 2008)

Laura,

You're not alone.  I'm feeling exactly the same at the moment. Thinking of you xx


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## Kushtaka (Jul 23, 2008)

First of all, a group  

jenny_b, Rachey, Orange Butterfly, and unfortunately, me ~ BFN sucks!

I have been reading through posts to find out the questions I should ask, the tests I should undergo, the answers to WHY?  Reading through your list of questions was heartbreaking.    I know it's important to look to the future, but it's okay to mourn the past.  Give yourself time, I was surprised by the things which made me cry after I knew the cycle was over.  It's only now, after 2 weeks, that I can face my follow-up appointment with something akin to logic.  It has also helped me quite a bit to read through other's experiences, and know that I'm not the only one.  We may have passed on the street and not known we were sharing the same burden.  I ache to join the BFP groups and to countdown the days, weeks, and months.

Until then, thank you all for being out there.  Hang in there ~  

Kush


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## Ellie72 (Aug 9, 2008)

Poor you. I feel exactly the same. Had a BFN after DE transfer in Czech Republic. I am so gutted. Everyone around me all my best friends are pregnant and I can't seem to share their joy. All I can say is that we have to be strong and keep going and try to be positive that it will one day work for us.
Chin up and you're not alone.xxx


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## LuuLuu (Jul 15, 2008)

Just got our BFN today and now waiting for AF to make an unwelcome appearance.  I can relate to everything said in this thread - why why why.  When you've done everything right - lost weight, given up caffeine and alcohol, been super healthy, don't smoke, why didn't it work

Just waiting for the clinic to call me back about our next steps.  Feeling all your pain girls.

LuuLuu


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