# Crushed... BFN



## Openarms (May 5, 2009)

Hi ladies,  

 to all you ladies, you have my utter empathy after your BFN’s as I just received mine.

I didn't post much during the treatment as I was pretty anxious throughout but I think we did okay.  They collected 16 eggs all of which fertilized, 13 made it to 3 day embryos so they took us to blast and we had 2 high grade blasts transferred (pinky and perky) and 3 blasts frozen (they are super strict on freezing criteria and only the very best are allowed to be frozen which is why the number is low).

Felt utterly crushed yesterday.  Although if I am honest I knew in my heart it hadn't worked - I didn't have any bleeding or anything obvious - I just knew.  I was totally symptomless nada, zero, nothing to even cling to.  My beta hcg was really low so nothing even tried to implant 

Couldn't speak to the nurse yesterday as I was too upset but DH did and they said they will change my drugs next time to include estrogen (not sure why but I guess we will learn more when we meet with the Dr).

I am trying to stay positive but I can't help worrying about the future.  We are pretty young still (certainly in IVF terms), I responded to drugs well we got strong blasts, I had acupuncture, was super careful with what I ate and drank and it still didn't work.  Doesn't that suggest it won't ever work?  If the picture is rosy and it doesn't work then how can it work if the picture is not so rosy?

I have my snowbabies to try with next which I know is a less invasive process - but I also know that blasts do not thaw as successfully as embryos so I know there are no guarantees they will make it, though I pray that at least one will.

I am pretty resilient and today feels better than yesterday but it is so brutal to go through what we go through to get nothing.


Openarms xx


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

sorry no words of wisdom  no one knows why it works sometimes and not others but i do know it can and does work for some people and just because it hasn't worked this time doesn't mean it never will   saying that i wimped out after 2 attempts and moved on to adoption so i'm probably the last person who can comment on staying strong and positive  

pam xx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

So sorry for you BFN but that really doesnt mean your not going to get there in the end. it took me 3 tx to finally do it and it's taken many others even more so please dont give up. I know it's hard but it really is the luck of the draw and this time unfortunately you drew the short straw.
Take care and build yourself back up to try again.

good luck hun 

Isobel xxxx


----------



## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi

Sorry about your BFN. I know how hard i it got one a few weeks ago and now i am going back out on wed for FET. I just want to say that your are not alone and try and keep postive in the rollcoaster of emotions. Take time to relax and cry so you dont hold back on all the emotions.

the pain will start to ease a bit try and look to  your next treatment

hugs and kisses

jenny


----------



## charlie61 (Mar 5, 2008)

Hi Openarms

Your story is very similar to ours, our 1st tx went soooo well, so much better than expected.  They collected 12 eggs, 11 of which were suitable for ICSI and 10 fertilised and all were good quality.  We had the best 2 put back (although they didnt try to go to blasts) and had 7 frozen (so they were all good enough to freeze bar 1).  This ended in a BFN and we really couldnt understand why!  Even the clinic was really surprised when i called to tell them!  I have recently had FET and got that longed for BFP!!  The only way i can reason what happened is that although the 1st lot of embies looked good there must have been something wrong with them that wasnt visable.  I do sympathise with you totally but you also have to think that if the embies survive the freeze/thaw process then they must be really strong little fighters.  I wish you all the luck with your next tx


----------



## Guest (Jun 9, 2009)

Hi Openarms  

So sorry about your BFN. We are due to test on saturday but DP started bleeding on monday which was light at first and we didn't give up completely but it has now become heavy this afternoon and we are certain that we will also get a BFN. I keep changing from really tearful to really angry - why why why didn't it work!!!!! I know every woman asks the same. We are both physically and emotionally exhausted. I can't be bothered with work but I have to pretend I care at the moment as I have applied for a management post and DP has insisted on going into work tonight as she just wants to keep busy and try to carry on as normal. I know that we are in a very special situation in that we could go back to trying for a second baby with me again but I am sure you can all understand a woman's desire to carry a child. My DP adores our son but she has this need to carry a child just like I did and still do. I am just so glad that we have such a strong relationship as we need each other more than ever. Good luck for all your future treatment


----------



## Kat1974 (May 6, 2009)

HI all - I hope you're all OK and hanging in there I am new to this thread was previously on 2WW may/june BFN on 19th May after 5th attempt, have coped better than after 4th attempt as then had a bit of a breakdown. Am finally seeing conultant with DH on 25th June - in 7 years this will be the first time I've met a consultant and not one of the nurses so hoping to get some answers. I'd like to say never say never but our next move is likely to be a final one, the emotional, physical and monetary cost is all getting too much. When i confirmed the BFN with the clinic the nurse said my egss were only average and not good enough for Blast but previously the nurse had said I could try blast next time so need some clarity am also considering IVM this time as conceived naturally twice both ectopic and knowing my own body feel that less intervention may be the better route for me personally. Anyway sorry this is all about me I just wanted to touch base with friends again as have not been on site since BFN. Fingers crossed for all

Kat


----------



## Guest (Jun 10, 2009)

Hi Kat, Have just read your post and it has put into perspective my own issues!!

How do you find the strength to keep trying    I do hope it is your time soon


----------



## Openarms (May 5, 2009)

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you to you all for taking the time to post replies.

It really is kind of you especially when you are all going through it yourselves in one way or another.

I feel better this week and we meet the Dr on Tuesday to discuss next steps and FET.

Charlie your post has filled me with hope - so thank you for that.  I hope your beanie sticks tight and you have a stress free pregnancy.

Kat - your strength is remarkable after all you have been through.  I think it is outrageous that in all this time despite repeated failures you have never been seen by a consultant.  Have they done immune testing on you?  I really hope that next time is 'your' time.

Moo - I know you are worried that your DP may get a BFN but I really hope that is not the case.
Pam, Isobel and Jenny thank you for the kind words and encouragement - it really does help.

Love and luck to us all xx


----------

