# Anyone using/used known donor?



## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi everyone

I have a dilemma, and am looking for info/advice/opinions from anyone with experience of using a known donor.

My DP and myself are about to undergo treatment with donor egg, and were all set to start in 3 weeks time at a clinic in Spain, with anonymous donor. However, my lovely friend in the US has now very generously offered to donate her eggs to me which I initially felt overjoyed about, but am now having some doubts about how I will feel after my child is born (if I am so lucky, of course), knowing that my friend is the genetic mother.  

I'm sure anyone using known donor must have doubts at some time or another? Would be grateful for any comments.

Best of luck to you all

Sue.


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## quaver (Aug 25, 2007)

Hi Sue.....

I am using a known donor. A very good friend of mine who offered me her eggs    as soon as I told her I had POF. I too was like you, didnt know how I would feel knowing the baby biologically would be my friends  . I see my donor at least 2 - 3 times a week. She has a child of her own too. Her baby was only a couple of months old when she offered to be a donor, that was some 10 months ago though.

Each time I spoke to her about how I was getting on with my own tx she always repeated her offer and said if I couldnt produce any eggs then she was more than willing to help. 

My donor doesnt see it as the child been in anyway related to her, as far as she is concerned I will be pregnant, will give birth and the child will be mine (If I am that lucky)

We then had a choice my husbands sister offered to go in the main egg pool for us so that we would go to the top of the list and would then use annonymous donor, or we could take up our friends offer to be a known donor.

I think the most important thing to us was that we knew our friend had good eggs   as she has a child of her own and also we knew where the egg came from. What kind of a person she is etc. I mean to be so selfless as to offer such a wonderful thing who could ask for more than that.

To be honest it has been really nice to share everything with her. I have been to all her scans she is always there when I need to talk about my treatment. She keeps me informed of how the injections are going etc. My donor is almost as excited at the prospect of me been pregnant as I am  

She has another scan tomorrow and then we will hopefully find out when egg collection is. They hinted on saturday that collection should be done by this friday. Its so exciting and I cant believe its really all happening.

I think its a decision that only you can make, but you must do what you feel is best. I personlally would rather know where the egg came from, but that is just my opinion. I know I am very fortunate as a lot of people dont even have the choice.

Goodluck in which ever choice you make

Love Quaver x


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

I just had my babies, after a friend donated to me. I feel very happy that it was the right decision for us and allows us to be open with the babies, our existing children and families etc.

I would feel a bit anxious knowing I had to tell my DE children of their origins, if the donor was anonymous as I prefer being open.


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi
I met a wonderful lady on here who became my friend and offered me her eggs and it was lovely sharing the journey together.
We were luck and got a bfp but I miscarried at 8 weeks odd (finding out at 10 week scan) I also found out yesterday it was a boy and would had Edwards Syndrome.  We have recorded our story under the 2ww diary section under IVF if you are interested in reading about it
good luck
susie


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi there

I had a baby 4 months ago with my younger sister's egg.  For me, I would much rather know where the egg has come from (you do get asked about family history a bit once the baby arrives).  My feeling is that most people who have donor children have some difficulty with the fact that they are not their own genetically, and even with my sister's egg, I still feel disappointed at times that my dd looks more like my sister than me.  But it is something you get used to as part of getting to know your baby.  I think the problems with a known donor can arise if the donor looks on the child as hers, because the birth mother can feel that she is looking over her shoulder.  You need to have a good discussion with your friend about how you both see things working out, then hopefully it will all work well for you both.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do
Essex Girl x


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## smc (Sep 1, 2006)

Thank you all so much for your replies .... it is reassuring to know that other people have had similar feelings. 

One of the things that concerns me more than anything is that my friend does not have any children of her own, through choice. But she has been pregnant in the past, a number of years ago, so she is does have proven fertility. I suppose I wonder if, although she has been adamant up til now, what if she changed her mind in a few years time, but then found herself unable to conceive? How would this affect me, her, our relationship, and my child (if I was lucky enough).

I don't feel as if I can talk to her about this because, right now, she is certain that she doesn't want children, so it would be difficult for her to put herself in that position. 

We both have to see counsellors yet, so maybe that will be enlightening, and helpful.

Wishing all of you the very best with your journeys

SMC


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