# Next Moves?



## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

Hello everyone - I hope to reconnect with some folks I've met on other threads. 

We've just completed our 3rd ICSI cycle - obviously with BFN, seeing as I'm here.  First cycle was also BFN, 2nd was BFP, but miscarried at around 6 weeks.

We've done exactly the same protocol 3 times with the same consultant.  His reasoning is that it got us pregnant once, and probably nothing will work anyway because of my age (45), so there's no point in looking at other factors, because even if they were relevant and we could fix them for ££££ we still can't make me younger!

As I see it, I have 3 options:
1. Give up (impossible!)
2. Find another consultant (but then, who, and would it make a difference?)
3. Consider using donor eggs (but how could I love a baby that wasn't really mine?  I don't want another person's child!)

I was really positive after my first 2 cycles, even the miscarriage, because at least I reasoned that it showed I could be pregnant.  But this time I'm feeling really stuck and broken.  The smallest thing sends me into a tailspin, and I'm simply incapable of seeing a way forward.

Can anyone relate to this, and offer any words of wisdom?  I'll be happy to help you in return, if I can.


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## mattysmrs (Jul 7, 2013)

Just a quick one to say, don't rule out option 3. I 100% view my DE baby as mine and no one else's. And I one million percent love her to bits. DE isn't for everyone, but at 45 it will give you the best chance at a THB. Good luck with your journey.


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Mochashosh
I initially was not open to the idea of DE.  In the end I reasoned I want a baby so how can I get there: DE was the only way forwards currently available to me.  I feared no children more than a DE child.  I have never seen my boys as any else's children but mine.  I am aware others may think differently but that is exactly the point.  It's what other people think it's not what the ladies who have DE think.  Once you have grown that little one in your tummy I can't consider them anyone else's.  By law in this country the mother is the one who gives birth.  Biologically the baby is yours just genetically baby has a donor too.  A donor not another parent.  Donor Conception Network has loads of information to help get your head around things if you want.
TCCx


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