# Hope I'm not being rude (questions)



## kashmir28 (Nov 12, 2011)

I really hope I'm not being rude here but we're having to decide at the moment between giving IVF with donor sperm a go or go for adoption (which would probably have to be VA as our LA isn't 'recruiting') and I just wanted to ask can you contact adoption agencies while making your decision or will none of them 'entertain' you until you've decided.

I ask as last November our LA had an adoption info evening and they wouldn't let us attend or send any information to us as we were still contemplating TX they seemed really unhelpful and all I want to do is ask some questions before making the biggest decision of my life.

Also does anyone have any experience of adopting on the yonger end of the scale 0-3 as most people I've spoken to have adopted older children 3+ and I assume if we'd like younger then we'd have to wait alot longer as the 'demand' is higher. My apologies if that comes across wrong.

We're going to a fertility information evening tomorrow to gather our thoughts on that option, and I wasn't sure if such things are available for adoption?

I would not know where to start with this!


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

To answer your question about age range there are more young children avaialable than has been the case previously, my la for example had no under two's at the beginning of the year when I started homestudy and now has more of them than older ones. Not much good for me as my age range is 3-5.

You can try neighbouring la's as well as va's.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
Phone round other agencies, some have email requests for info packs, and just tell them you are considering adoption and would like more information.  I wouldn't mention anything about tx at this time as until you know more about adoption how can you decide which path to follow

I started out on this road nearly 6 years ago and have now adopted 2 children, one at 27 months and one at 14 months.  There are more and more younger children in the system now since Baby P and the majority of adopters I know have had children under 3 placed.

Good luck
OT


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi!

We've just started our journey and have said we're only interested in under 3's. I'm 26, hubby is 28 so for my LA that was the kicker. 

We've chosen adoption over IVF for many reasons. Mostly the fact I hate needles and hospitals 

Good luck what ever your choice


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## kashmir28 (Nov 12, 2011)

Thanks for the replies, I'm going ot research some VA and see if they have info packs or something, my main query as to whether they would even consider us is that DH works away on rota (2 weeks away 3 weeks home) so I'm concerned this will go against us due to attachement issues??

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of circumstance?


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## Becky39 (May 17, 2008)

Hi, 

Im going to take a different view on this (some may like, some may not) even tho this is the adoption thread, and I myself am an approved adoptee, i dont mean to offend anyone here, so apologies if i come across that i do. 

Your asking a question about donor sperm? I assume this is because it is your husband with the problem of not being able to conceive, and that you yourself don’t (or wouldn’t) have a problem falling pregnant? Your treatment – was it IVF, ICSI or other? 

My husband and I tried IVF 4 times, had a heartbreaking miscarriage on ivf# 3 so after number 4, decided enough was enough. We were broke after paying for 4 cycles, and my body just wanted to scream out for some pampering and I just couldn’t go on. We decided not to go for donor, I was older and just so tired (I was aged 39 - 41 during treatment – im 44 now (well not until August so im holding on to 43 for as long as I can lol) 

Sometimes I wish I had decided on donor eggs …. I will never know if it would have worked or not, I am now approved to adopt and feel we have made the right decision. But the need for a new born baby is still with me, and I guess always will be. 

If you decide to go ahead with donor sperm, the child won’t biologically be yours, that’s obvious. But neither will an adopted child!! If you go for sperm donor, you will become pregnant, and your (yes YOUR) baby will grow inside you, you will have an instant bond with this child as it grows and moves and kicks inside you. You will give birth and you will feed, nuture and love this child as your own from birth. Im not saying that an adopted child wouldnt be loved and nutred by you, but the chances of getting a new born baby to adopt is ziltch – actually its impossible, but yet you have a choice weather to have a child thru donation – which will have no background, and will be part of your husband. Yes the donor can look for the child once he/she is 18 – but that also happens with adoption! 

You also have to ask yourself, could you go through with more treatment, what if it doesn’t work, could you face another BFN … I know how horrible they are and I know I had to close the door (it wasn’t easy, far from it) With adoption, you are guaranteed a family … all be it a different one from the one you ever imagined, but a child finds a loving home and will be cared for by loving parents. 

I would think long and hard about this decision. Talk to a professional – does your IVF clinic have a therapist there u can talk to. Get as much research as you can about donor and adoption. Look through every angle, write it all done, look at it, absorb it, and only then make your decision on what is best for you and your family. I wish you well in whichever you decide. 

Much love xx


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## kashmir28 (Nov 12, 2011)

Thanks Becky39, we have not had any treatment yet that is our decision we have to come too, yes as far as we have discovered I have no fertility issues my husband is azoospermic (does not have any sperm) so the only way for me to experience pregnancy is with donor IVF.

I am fully aware of the consideration we need to think about with regards unsuccessful treatment, I am 31 and DH is 32 so we need to make this decision sooner rather than later.

I also have no expectations of being able to adopt a baby as I know it would not happen and we are more likely to be matched with a toddler at the youngest option.

Our clinic has a counsellor that we have to pay for and has a lengthy wait, I think we are going to take some time and look through the pros and cons so to speak and make sure we are both happy with the decision we make.


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