# Taking DS to ICSI appointments



## CK78 (Mar 27, 2004)

Hiya all

Really unsure where this is best posted but thought this may be a good place to start.

SO
We are going to have an appointment with our ICSI Dr in the next few weeks about future treatment etc but we dont want to tell anyone ( family/friends) so we will be taking our little boy with us.  What i wondered is, is it wrong to take your baby/child to the clinic where there will be patients going through treatment?  I feel we should be able to take him as we shouldnt have to get someone to look after him and face questions etc and he is a success story of the clinc but DH thinks it is not nice to take him when there will be people there still trying for their babies.

All the times we went there we never saw a child/baby so i dont know what to do.  Did any of you see children at your appointments?

Also when we do start treatment it is going to be hard to keep it from family as we will HAVE to have someone look after him and i so dont want them to know - they know we have had ICSI but i feel stressed them knowing at the actual time as they are always asking and if it doesnt work i cant be doing with their upset ( been there on the 1st cycle when they knew and it wasnt good)  

Would love to hear any views you have on any of this ramble! 

Thanks  
Clare 
xx


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## Julz (Sep 20, 2005)

Hi Clare,

I sympathyse with you.  I had to take DD to 2 or 3 appointments but would have preferred not to, it was a bit of a nightmare.  She attends creche 2 mornings a week and in the end we managed to swap her days to suit my appointments and on the morning of EC one of the care workers from creche took her from 7am......I had originally asked her if she knew of any child minders in the area and told her I needed it for a one off and she offered to help out, thank god.

If you really don't want to tell anyone you could try a creche or a child minder, it really is more stressful taking them with you.

Good luck.
Julie


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## Hun (Jul 14, 2003)

I have mixed feelings about this, I do sympathise, but I have also read many blogs and posts where people complain about children at the clinic - sort of feeling like there nose is being rubbed in it.

On the whole I would agree with Julz - way too stressful. And it gets harder once they beome toddlers. Taking my 2 year old and strapping him in a pushchair when I had a scan (the only way I could think of doing it) would have been a recipe for disaster, as despite bribes, he would've yelled the place down.

If there is really no way around it, ask for appointments at the 'end' of clinic, that way you'll probably be the only one left in the waiting room. We (me and DH) did that at a couple of appointments (follow ups to our failed neg cycles when we both wanted to be there). That way you minimise the upset to other less fortunate patients.

Good luck for your cycle
Hun xx


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## Cuthbert (Oct 3, 2003)

Hi Clare,

We had to take our two to a couple of appointments because we had no-one else to look after them. We were able to occupy them with colouring books and they were pretty quiet but it still felt quite uncomfortable. When we had EC and ET we were able to arrange for Mums from school to pick them up from school; I can't imagine how we'd have managed with them at the clinic for those appointments.

On the other side of the coin, I had an awful appointment when all the way through there were baby twins crying on the other side of the door - a lady waiting for her appointment had 3 young children with her. And if I found that difficult, heaven knows what the ladies who hadn't been lucky enough to have successful treatment made of it.

Good luck with everything.

Jules


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

When I first went to my IVF clinic I thought it was a bit odd to see children there, but I was fine about it, and the clinic cater for them as they have little seats and a toy box (despite the steps up to the front door not being buggy friendly). It isn't much different to seeing the walls of baby photos on the clinic walls.  

I think I might have objected if I could hear crying babies during the scan, when I was being told that my baby had died- but they scan the pregnant and the stimming on different floors and some in the morning and the other group in the afternoons.

As for telling people and asking for help in the mornings for scans- could you not say to your child minder you are having a medical procedure soon and you need to be monitored for the week before and blood tests etc.

Best of luck
L x

Also well done on the weight loss!!!


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## CK78 (Mar 27, 2004)

Thank you all so much for taking time to reply - i really just wanted some other views on it as i know how upsetting it was when we were still trying.  I only work part time from home so dont have any childminder set up etc so i just dont know what i will do - i think i will have to tell a few white lies and get family to look after him as i agree it will be a bit of a nightmare taking him along for us as well as other patients!


Thanks JJ1 - the weight loss is doing ok - it was better but then christmas happened! 

C
x


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## fluffyhelen9999 (May 13, 2005)

You've already got some great replies, but just wanted to add that I have taken my son to most of my appointments... not through choice, but simply because there isn't anyone else that can have him...  On a couple of occasions I came up with bad excuses and my mum had him (like you we don't ever tell people)...
My son's a very lively toddler so at times I found it quite hard to control him especially when we had to wait long times for things.  I always tried to wait in area's which were a bit more quiet though, but generally things have always been ok with taking him...  we even took him on the day of my EC and my dh took him to the zoo whilst I was getting my eggs collected.
I didn't ever notice any other children / babies when I had my cycle there when I got pg with my ds, but it's amazing how many people I've seen with children and babies there since.
Helen xx


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## Betty M (Dec 6, 2005)

I had to take my daughter to quite a lot of appointments when DH couldn't stay with her - it is very difficult trying to find childcare from 6am!! Family dont know about our treatment and in any event dont live in London. Regular appts during cycles were from 7 to 9 at my place which didnt help. Luckily her nursery started at 7.30 so they could help out on EC/ET days as those procedures started later. There were often other children there - there was a fish tank and kids books to occupy them. She is fascinated by scans so was quiet in the scan room.  People often smiled at my little one and no one huffed and puffed as if she shouldn't be there - I was very conscious of trying to keep her at the end of the waiting room with the books etc. Pregnancy scans were always done outside cycle appt times so there was no chance that someone getting bad news at a 6 week scan would have to face a child on coming out of the room.  

In the blog world this is a hot topic of debate with many (maybe even most) being of the view that children should never go to IVF clinics. I have to say that I find this odd given that children is what we all want. When I was having treatment for the first time I found it reassuring to know that it did work and that people came back to try for siblings. What I found hard was having treatment from pregnant clinic staff - that really felt like having my nose rubbed in it.

Bettyx


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## fragile (Mar 6, 2006)

Clare

i remember when i was starting my first cycle & there was someone there with a toddler & i just thought "what are they doing there when they have their child?"  but there has been  a couple of times during my last 3 cycles when i have had to take DS with me & i just wanted to die.  i felt so bad taking him when all the other people were there hoping for their miracle but i have a friend who ALWAYS takes her DS on her appointments with her even when she is being scanned.  i did manage to arrange for a lot of my scans to be during work time which was a pain as i lost wages but that was when DS was being looked after at nursery but i have to say that was mostly because i would have found it too stressful to cope with a toddler racing round & me trying to keep him under control in such a boring environment.

at the end of the day if you want to take DS with you and you need to take him because of child care issues then take him.  you cant control what other people will think & its your child so you have a right to take your child with you.  im sure a few people will think "oh how lovely to see it works" & some may think you shouldnt take him but just dont worry about it.  tx is worrying enough without stressing over what other people might think.

i understand why you dont want to tell people but i have had to in the end as ive needed somone to look after DS for EC as i have to be at the hospital for 7 am.  does he ever stay at grandparents house for the night?  could this be arranged for the night before EC by saying DH has a lovely night away planned for you?  certainly stretching the truth but a plausable excuse if you have to be at hos. early & away most of the day.

good luck with it all

mo x


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## ClaireB (Jan 26, 2005)

Hi

When my daughter was only a few months old I had to go to the clinic to drop of my sharps box.  I started to say to the fertility nurse that I would have to leave until for a week or so until I could ask my sister to look after dd (she was on hols).  The nurse interrupted me and said it was fine to bring her and the feedback they had from patients was that they liked seeing babies as it gave them hope. 

On that basis I took her there.  I'm hoping to start a second cycle and won't hesitate to take her with me.  As someone else has already said, the cycle is stressful enough already!

Claire


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## CK78 (Mar 27, 2004)

Thanks for all the great replies it really helps to get an overview of opinions - we have decided to take ds to consultant appointment and i arranged to get the last one so maybe the clinic will be less busy ( thanks 'hun' for suggesting this)    i told the clinic he would be coming and they said it was absolutely fine.  We will see how it goes and then decide on what to do for further ones.

Thank you all again  

C
xx


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## Imogen (Jul 18, 2003)

Hi Claire,

Just had to give you my experience too.

We had 2 tx last year and had to take our Ds (2) with us both times.
My parents are 600 miles away and Dh's 400 and frankly neither of them would help even if they lived around the corner, sadly.  I had recently moved house some 50 miles from previous one and therefore had no friends who could easily take him.  For a variety of reasons he has not been in childcare until now and therefore I didn't want to leave him for the first time in that situation whilst I was at the clinic (200 miles away).  We literally had no choice.

The first time wasn't too bad as he quietly stayed in his buggy.  The second time was a nightmare as he developed a virus literally during the journey up for egg collection and came up in sores around his mouth and the clinic went mad when we walked in.  We couldn't exactly leave him in the car!  In the end we were put in an isolation ward whilst being booked in and Dh and Ds then sent right out of the Unit so I had E/C and subsequently E/T all alone. Very hard.

I am conscious of the fact it may be hard for others (although I found it hope inspiring when I saw a couple of kids at the Unit prior to my bfp).  I have had the experience of leaving an emergency 8 week scan with a dead foetus inside and walking past all the bumps (and again after the D&C) and it is very hard.

On balance though, if it is the only way you can do it then I don't think you should feel bad, just be as sensitive as you can whilst you are there.

Good luck, hun!

love Imogen.x.


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## encore (May 27, 2004)

i took dd with me, though she was only 1 at the time, and i tended to go later in the morning when it wasnt so busy.  sometimes i could get myhusband to meet me there and wait outside with her.  could you do that?  or get a trusted friend? i was concious of the others ttc but i just hoped they realised that if there was another way to go to appointments then obviously i would have done it.  my clinic used to call you in for blood tests/scans at the drop of a hat so it was very hard to plan.


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

Hiya, 

I dont read this board much but stumbled across this thread and wanted to add a reply.  I appreciate I'm disagreeing with lots of people on here and dont have a child so cant really appreciate the position you are in in terms of childcare etc.  However, at one of my appointments at the clinic someone had brought their toddler and I got really upset.  I felt like they were rubbing my nose in it.  I held off crying while I was in there but cried when I got out.  It might be me being oversensitive and I cope with seeing babies, pregnant women when I'm out and about but I was incredibly upset about seeing that toddler in the clinic.  

Tracy xx


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## CK78 (Mar 27, 2004)

Imogen, encore and tracey - thanks for your feelings on this.  We have decided after all to tell my mum and just hope that its ok.  We have a very long journey to get to our clinic so it is in the interest of Finley really to make other arrangements for him.  There are only certain times she can have him so its going to be tricky but we felt better after making this decision.

Tracy - thanks for adding the other side to this, i think emotions are high everytime you walk into the clinic and it is very hard not to get upset if you see a little one.  I see from your ticker you are near test day - best of luck for that.    I think if there is no other way then there is nothing you can do but if there is an alternative then that is best - which is what we have decided.

Thanks all

Clare
x


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## encore (May 27, 2004)

Tracy, how brave of you to post that.  I wish you the very best for test day.  xx


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