# Negative Cycle Chatter



## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

lots of  with lots of


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## SuzieN (Oct 2, 2011)

Had my follow up appointment Thursday, told next cycle is march. Completely changed my drugs, progesterone injections rather than pessaries and want to transfer 2 embryos rather than 1 to maximise chances.  Can't help but think it was end with the same result as last time. I know it's wrong did anyone else feel the same?


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## katreekingsbury (Jul 30, 2011)

Hi girls. I have just had   make an apperence 2 days before OTD! I'm absolutely devastated. 

I feel sick with hurt, my eyes are heavy with tears and my throat and mouth feel like my heart has taking up home there. I'm heart broken! 

This is so unfair. I forgot how hard it was!


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## MJ1 (Aug 8, 2011)

it is so hard.. I had the same on Boxing Day after 4 attempts. Sending you lots of  
xx


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## katreekingsbury (Jul 30, 2011)

SuzieN - I totally no how u feel. I feel like that when I started my 2nd tx. Obviously my outcome did end the same and I'm totally devastated. But u have to be strong and a believer throughout the treatment and make sure u have positivity flying through ur body.
March isn't too long to wait. Enjoy life until then.   To u petal. Xxx 

MJ1 - I'm sorry to hear that the   appeared on boxing day. It's hard whatever day it happens but over Xmas must be heartbreaking. I really feel for you, I'm so sorry.

I've been in bed all day. No energy or reason to move. Feel very destroyed inside and exhausted. I find the treatment very difficult and I struggle throughout, so all my energy is put into looking forward to the end result. 
I can never see myself as a mum and even if I fall pregnant, I'm petrified i will even get through the 9months of carrying after suffering 2 miscarriages In the past.

Am I over reacting? I just feel that i want something so so badly, but I'm being punished for something I may have done in previous life! 

I don't think any of us deserve this heart ache.. We all deserve to be mummy's and have a family, & I just hope and pray that 2012 along with the angels in the sky give us that special gift we all dream of. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)




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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Hey katree. No I don't think you are over reacting at all, you describe the way I'm feeling exactly. I've just had my first cycle of ICSI which ended in BFN on Saturday. I was devastated. I too struggled with the treatment, I hate needles and I took ages to D/R, then the xmas break got in the way so had to carry on with injections for what seemed like forever. Finally I had 2 "absolutely beautiful” (according to my embryologist) top grade embryos put back so how come I'm not pregnant? The rational side of my brain says yes well there are other factors involved and my consultant will tell me what we can do differently next time, but I feel I am being punished for something and just not sure I can go through the emotional rollercoaster again, its very draining, it left me exhausted. And like you I just can't see myself as a mum, don't know why but I have this feeling its just never going to happen. 

My clinic will, call me today and hopefully I won't have to wait too long for an appointment. I'm going to work today but only because throwing myself back into my 'normal' routine is the only way I can deal with it. Kinda like sticking my head in the sand. But when I stop to think about it, I get really emotional. 

Need to keep positive for my next cycle but don't want to set myself up for a fall. I think if it fails a second time, it will be harder to bear. 

So have you decided if you're trying again?


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## katreekingsbury (Jul 30, 2011)

Hi vetty

I'm so sorry for ur BFN. It's such a dreadful thing to happen. 

I think I will try again yes... Will have an appointment soon to discuss my next cycle which I predict will start in April. So fingers crossed. 

I went bk to work last week and it was hard! But glad I done it and got it over with. 

Did u hear from ur clinic today then Hun? 

Xxxx


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Yes my clinic phoned me, the nurse was less than sympathetic and told me that I'll get a letter with an appointment to see my consultant in 6 weeks!  I questioned the length of time, and she said it's so I can have a normal cycle before I go back.  I appreciate that but I need to ask questions now, I cant wait 6 weeks to find out what might have caused the treatment to fail. I feel like I've been left in limbo.  I phoned DH immediately after but couldnt get the words out, broke down into a blubbering wreck.  I'd not really cried about the BFN and it just all came spilling out.  I feel better now, and I guess I just have to wait.  I'm going for counselling next week though.  I think maybe that's why I am feeling better, that and the fact my DH now knows I am not coping ok!

I'm hoping that when I go back to the clinic, I'll be able to start again at my next cycle and not have more waiting.

Good luck with it hun.  You never know we might end up being cycle buddies.

xx


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## katreekingsbury (Jul 30, 2011)

They all say u have to have another period before starting again. Even my clinic sends me appts 4-6weeks later. 
The thing is, those appts are not really worth going to. They don't give u answers that you are looking for because they don't have the answers. 
They will say its nothing u have done physically, it is just one of those things. They tend to do a 2nd cycle (as ur body now nos what to expect) then If that also turns out a BFN they look into reasons why. 
(that's my clinic rules)

If ur not coping then counseling is a good idea&maybe waiting 6weeks will give you time to get a clear fresh head for ur 2nd cycle.  

I'm starting acupuncture today! Excited and nervous all rolled in together so wonder how that will pan out!

Good luck with everything, hopefully see u on the other side of this negative chatter and in the cycle buddies / BFP catergory!!  

Xxx


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## huskysaffa (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

Stumbled on this thread after my second try of IVF was cancelled... last time they discovered an ovulation issue before I got started, this time I produce 1 follie.... not worth going ahead with EC for one small follie.... Devastated and honestly feel exactly the same as you all described. Doc said he will try another protocol but that I need to be open to "other options". That sent me over the edge....

Katreekinsbury - I started acupuncture yesterday and it was good. Doc actually said to me that if he had to recommend one alternate therapy it would be accu so good luck!!

Suzie and Vetty - also looking like a March start for the next round. Such a pain having to wait the 4 - 6 weeks!!! extra torture... also want me to have a "natural cycle" before getting going again.

I hope you are all holding up and getting support from where you can? Sent my DH for concealing this morning as he seriously doesn't know where to put himself or how to help... 

Hoping that we can be March cycle buddies and BFP buddies too!!!!!
xxxxx


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Katree – yes I’m going for counselling next Friday.  When I first suggested it, the DH was not keen, but after I’d broke down on the phone to him and told him I’d booked a session he asked when it was and said he’d be there.  

My sister (who has 2 failed ICSI attempts to her name) has said about acupuncture too.  We’ve been looking into it and I’m keen to try it, despite my fear of needles!  Do they put them in your face?  How long before ICSI treatment should you start?  I’ve found a couple of possible clinics, just need to phone them up.

Husky.  Sorry to hear you’ve had no luck so far.  I knew the treatment process could be a difficult one before I started, but my goodness this is so emotionally draining isn't it!  Really hope that you have a successful cycle next time round.

With any luck we’ll be March cycle buddies, and like you say BFP buddies too.  I think I am going to prepare myself better this time though, now I know what to expect…


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## katreekingsbury (Jul 30, 2011)

Hi husky, sorry to hear abt ur cancelled treatment. That sounds so dreadful. 

I never actually made it to acupuncture!! The appt was made with someone who runs two clinics, and I went to the wrong clinic which was an hour away from my home as it was! 
I was not very happy so now got to find someone else!! 
Grrrrr 

Vetty, I don't think they put in ur face? In not sure? 
U have worried me now!! 

Husky wat did they do with u?? 

Xxxxxx


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## Kerin (Jan 29, 2012)

Just got our first BFN this evening, the last 6 hours were the worst (especially since they promised it within 3). I truly expected the positive. The crinone without a doubt gave me the same symptoms I had before. Hasn't even been a month since I first heard the term POI. Never realized the seriousness or quickness of it. Doc says I may only have 6 months of trying before its too late. It's a lot to think about, but honestly we are both great full we are not suffering the loss of another precious baby. We will move on, we will make this happen! We were meant to be parents, somehow, it's deeply engraved in our hearts!!   

On a lighter note he was able to tell that I ovulated, which is a great sign!! We decided to get more aggressive, it's a race against my rising FSH levels. In about 6 days (day 3 of cycle) we go back. The first try I only had one mature follicle, so we decided to add clomid to the concoction of HCG and Crinone. He also said that cycles of infertility treatment actually raise chances on conception. He said the typical fertile woman would have around 4 to 5 mature follicles, so that's our goul this time!!  

More than anything, I've been counting my blessings and cutting my losses. By that I'm talking about the true, deep love my fiancé and I have for each other through all of this, my friends and family that I know care with all their heart (my new ff ladies are amazing too!  ), and realizing that I am not superwoman!!  

I've been incredibly grateful and pouring out thanks to a higher being for giving us a chance to TTC before it would have been (quickly) too late. I know my babies are in a better place, I know that one day those pieces in our hearts will be filled again. But I'm not ready to give up the idea of holding, loving, caring for and cuddling the most beautiful thing I will ever see!!!      

I've been studying engineering and mathematics for about 7 years, maintained a 3.7 gpa, 10 classes till graduation (junior) and working as drafter and designer the whole way. I cut back my load, thinking I could handle a couple "easier" courses. I was very wrong, I may be young, and feel young, but there's only so much a mind and body can take. It's no longer my priority, and not worth risking the hard work and years put in (GPA   ). But that's ok, its a life lesson that is well worth learning. Next week I will begin my temporary "drop out" process. In the large scheme of things, a family outweighs a career anytime, anyday. I can finish that later, I do love it, it's a true passion.

Beside family drama (which I'm sure is the most common of my stresses) this next year or so will be a huge change in our lives, we are anxious, excited, scared, confused, blessed and loved. I just wanted to share my latest thoughts. We've hard a hard time for a couple years now, but we are very new to the reality of things, our thoughts are quickly evolving, learning and accepting.

I am extremely greatful for my ff, you all have been amazingly supportive, and informative. I apologize for this thread being so lengthy. Guess I had a lot to get off my chest this time!  

Good luck to you all in this journey of life!!!   's &     !!!!!


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## Loclot2 (Jan 24, 2012)

hello all.....

i had my 3rd bfn 28 Jan, doing alot of searching now to help!!

1 of my friend who went though her 3rd ivf cycle did acupuncture and got prg, she had it 1 month b4 treatment she side they like to see u for a menstural cycle, then during ivf and then once pregnant every 2 weeks until week 12 so lots of acupuncture but I think it definitely helped her.

also she took Dr. Marily Vit. check this Lady's you can find good info  www.marilynglenville.com/infertility.htm
/links

wish u all the best...


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

just  ing this thread up while I do some tidying up in here


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)




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## Jelly.B (Sep 27, 2011)

Hiya girls,

Vetty- just wanted to say that acupuncture is great! I didn't thru my last cycle, although unfortunate it was a bfn, however will do it again for this cycle. Not only can it help with blood flow and lining ( my lining was perfect last time and I really do put it down to acupuncture!) but it also really does help you relax. I am not agreat needle fan lol, but this is just different. I amsureyourafwill you wont have ny needles on your face lol, i had one a few weeks back but that was for my blocked nose, and tell you what, haven't had a problem with my nose since. I have nothing but good to say about acupuncture   just make sure you find someone you are totally comfy with
Xxxxx


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

I have had a lot of support here on FF from some very kind and good people who are or have been in similar situation like me.... 

I have now known for a week that its a BFN and my first-IVF-sucess dream is over... but I am still hurting and I am still angry and I am still lost and numb for what to do next... I am tried to keep away from booze etc as that is always the easy way to make me feel better... and I want to keep in good health for the next go... 

but when does it stop hurting? After getting all these BFNs over the years again and again and again, do you wake up one morning and feel sane again?? Is it even possible to be the person you were once?? 

The clinic we go to make you wait 3 months before next cycle, which seems like such a long long long time....


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

Hi Sparkly
We were cycle buddies Hun!
I ve known for a week too hunny, as I started bleeding last Tues, our OTD was yesterday and was negative!
This was our 2nd fresh go but have had FET last time, I feel I ve lost total faith in this whole thing!. It does get easier, it does, you must have something to look forward to, I found that helped me.
I do think this process does 'change' you forever and it's impossible to be the person you once were, because this process makes you a stronger person
It s quite normal for the clinic to make u wait a couple of months as your ovaries need to get back to normal after stimulation.
I hope I ve answered any questions, if you need to talk, I'm here hunny x


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## dips (Jul 19, 2011)

Hi Sparkly_Shoes,

firstly big  s to u and so sorry about ur BFN 

I know exactly how u feel and the feelings of anger and hurt are very very natural...Each time we begin a new treatment cycle, we want to be positive and hopeful about what it might bring and be excited and when it ends in a BFN our whole world comes crashing down and there is nothing that can give us solace  ....I would not stay that it "stops" hurting becoz it does not...however, I think somewhere down the line u do begin to realise that these things do not give u sure shot results and all we can do is try and try till we eventually get success and this makes u at least a little bit prepared for a BFN...it will still be difficult and still be heartbreaking but accepting it and moving on will be ever so slightly bearable  

I agree with rachel petch that it changes u as a person...u definitely become more stronger but on the emotional front, because of all these feelings of anger, hurt, envy of others who fall pg at the drop of a hat etc. u do change as a person even otherwise and I think it is very natural...we are human after all and to say that we can stay unaffected after all this would just be lying!

Although it seems like a never ending wait, I think the 3 months that ur clinic ask u to wait is good as it gives ur body a chance to recover from all the drugs etc. and be ready for another cycle...well done on staying away from booze and keeping healthy, that's the way to be 
Not sure if u r already doing something but just to take away the stress of all this and help u relax, u can try something like acupuncture or refloxology...it helps with the treatments as well as otherwise to keep ur body and mind in a healthy state...

Take care, good luck and  for ur next cycle....feel free to PM me anytime if u want to chat


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

Hi rachel petch yes of course I remember you from our crazy March 2ww... I dont know about you , but I feel so wrong going onto that thread now, like somehow my misery will affect all the dancing ladies with their BFPS... and I should stay well away and leave those who have had that next step to their dream and keep my misery away from them.... So sorry to hear about your BFN, it hurts so so much....you are right, I should have something to look forward to, will try and book a weekend away or something.... I guess deep inside I know the clinic are right, but I have no energy to wait for 3 months - I waited 12 months to get my turn on IVF and now I feel like another 3 months is going to be longer than that year!! 

Hi Dips, thanks for replying. I am glad I am not going   I am avoiding people with children, I have unfriended people on ******** who bang on about their pregnancy woes, and last week I even got out of the tube because a heavily pregnant woman sat opposite me!!! WHATS WRONG WITH ME I thought, I was jealous yes, but it was never this bad... this IVF failure has knocked me so so hard.... I have never ever felt so miserable in my life... I am the person who is always happy and cheerful and every when everyone is down they rely on me to come along and pep things up and now I have become this moving, silent misery bag!!  I tried acupuncture a few months ago, and all it really did was just put me to sleep!! I  might go again... as soon as I am back to some normality (ie not feeling the need to have a cry every hour) I will try and go back to yoga etc, to think that I never missed a class!! Sorry to  hear about all your troubles as well, so brave you carry on with all these problems going on.... you ladies are in inspiration... thanks for offering that I can PM you if I need a rant (might take you up on that)

Hope there is miracle around the corner for us all.... off home now to watch a dvd and let OH cook me a nice dinner with a choc pudding


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## Blondebimbette (Jul 14, 2011)

Hi girls, I hope you don't mind me posting on here, just stumbled over this thread whilst looking for somewhere to go after a BFN.

I can so identify with what you have all said...Sparkly_Shoes I know what you mean about feeling wrong going on the cycle thread now and feeling like you want to keep your misery away from others who are still hoping or have got a BFP and you sound like me - happy, strong & sensible for everyone else normally and now a silent misery.

Dips, rach you are right it does change you forever, I certainly not the person I was 4 years ago and I think I've lost 'me' for ever sorry to hijack your thread to rant I just needed somewhere to do it.

Rach you were on my cycle thread too and I'm so sorry you have had another BFN & did I read too about your doggie?? thats so cruel on top of this, my heart goes out to you hun. That would have broke me on its own let alone this too    

I don't know when this stops hurting but I pray for us all it will and I'm just thankful to have somewhere like this & people to turn to here who 'get it'.

Love to you all xxx


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

Hi again Blondebimbette, I think this is the right place for us Hun!
I don't know how I got over he weekend at all, I'm suffering today as I got absolutely wasted yesterday! It's not the answer I know, but felt good at the time


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## Blondebimbette (Jul 14, 2011)

Don't worry lovie I did too, didn't help and I still feel rough today (2 days after) but I think you just have to do it


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

I too feel rough still today, good god, I'm getting old I think! I go back to work tomorrow. After being off for nearly 3 weeks! I just wanna return to some form of normality!!!!!!
How are you today? Are you going to have another bash it this again? Xxxxx


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## Blondebimbette (Jul 14, 2011)

I'm going back to work today too (so best get my butt of the net & moving lol) yes we are going to have another go but I'm not sure what & when, my head is telling me DE as we have no funding & limited funds but we need to work it out in our heads properly. At the moment I can't seem to have a conversation without crying so thats not really the frame of mind to be making big decisions in is it?
How about you? Would pos immune testing be something your clinic should be looking at for you as you seem to have got great quality embryos? sorry if I'm being unknowledgeable. 
Its not old age on the hangover front its having been off the pop for so many months!!

xxx


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

Ladies thank you very very much, I have read your posts several times now and big hugs to you all.... 

Rachel, I just had to go back to the 2ww thread to read about your dog - OMG thats terrible I am so sorry, thats absolutely heartbreaking!!! Poor thing, I hope you are coping well .... big hugs     

Blondebimbette, its good in a way to see we are not all going mad - that these feelings of anger and hurt and guilt and all that are universal.... I honestly feel like there is a deep dark cloud following me around, refusing to let me be cheerful again, and bringing me down by reminding me of all the feelings that I have experienced in the past week. 

Good on you both for taking the edge of with a bit of alcohol... nothing wrong with that.... I simply dont trust myself and in the past have been found sobbing in the pub toilet after drinking too much and its too embarassing.... 

Ladies, but there is hope for all of us, there has to be!!! look at those in the 2ww threads who got their BFP - I bet they thought they'd never get it... I am sure some of them have felt exactly like how we feel right now, so that could be us in a few months !! 

I spoke to a very old friend of mine yesterday who knew nothing about my treatment etc, and she told me something that made me feel loads better, so I am sharing it here... hoping it helps you all, a little, she said that people who want a baby think that having it would make them happy and yet they forget that there are tons of people out there who have kids and are really unhappy.... so lets all today look at ALL the good things in our life, look around you and see that we have so much that so many dont have.... 

Next one will be ours... love to you all..... and thank you very very much once again  if it helps, keeps writing and feel free to pm me!


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

Hiya hun, I'm going to be asking about immune testing on our follow up. As fertilisation, egg quality etc as really good.
I'm up and down emotionally at the moment. But we're so good at putting on a brave face are nt we?
Keep in touch, and pm me if you want to talk anytime x


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## Blondebimbette (Jul 14, 2011)

Thanks all, just sending  's today as struggling to find words.
Sparkly you are right I guess there is comfort in knowing you aren't the only one feeling like this & I'm off now to put on my brave face before work Rach...
One day at a time eh? xxx


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

One day at a time - and one day closer to our dream  

tears will evaporate and hope will find a home again... keep smiling all ... I am not just saying this, but you all really do help and your words give me strength!


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## jvdb (Jan 10, 2012)

Hey ladies mind if I join you? Started brown spotting sunday,monday brown/red and at 6am this morning my womb finally emptied into the toilet. Haven't stopped bleeding since. I cried all day yesterday,last night in dh arms and this morning. But now I feel numb I don't know what to say,what to do or how to act. Just feel empty and devastated. I really thought I'd be reaching for a drink but I don't even know if I could. This is just so hard,I wasn't prepared for a bfn and thought ivf was like waving a magic wand and making dreams come true. Life is so unfair. Sorry to hijack and rant but  didn't know where else to let it out


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

jvdb, please dont apologise... we all know / understand how you feel.... i am so sorry  

this site has given me really good support and I know that feeling only too well when you first start spotting, you still hold on to the hope that its implantation and then you cant kid yourself anymore...

I too had so much hope from IVF, after reading and hearing all the sucess stories and statistics, you cant help but think that you too could be the one that gets a BFP from your first IVF.... and that feeling of numbness, yes its devastating. Try to stay away from the drink, if you can, but if one glass helps you, then so be it....

I feel your pain, I really do. Life is so unfair, and mother nature (like all mothers) can be very very cruel sometimes, and some of us have to wait longer for our dreams to come true.... I know it doesnt feel like it at the moment, but your time will come, and this time it jsut wasnt meant to be....

I read this somewhere and I hope you too can find comfort in these words:

_*"Hope itself is a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords; but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope must be expiated by pain." * _ 

feel free to pm me or write here if you feel it helps - and rant away, get it off your chest - we cant take each others pains away, but we can share and unburden ourselves a little!!

*big hugs*


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

Jvdb   , I felt like that on Saturday hunny, and hubby actually made me have a drink!
I totally know how you feel, I felt like I'd been holding my breath for a week and when I started spotting, after exhaling I was just shattering my life o pieces........ Weird I know, but I find I hard to express what I wanna say!!
Take your time Hun, it will take time, but what I said to someone yesterday, you MUST have something to look forward to, even if it's a nights break in a hotel! And talk to your OH!
If you ever nee to talk I'm here hunny, please message me!
XxxRachxxX


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

Girls, one thing that has helped me over the past 2 days is exercise so thought I should mention that here, those who feel the strength to do that, do try it, the more I ran the less angrier i felt... 

And secondly I have been making a list of questions I need to ask our doctor, that helps me focus on the next cycle...

Rach you are right, must have something to look forward to, have booked some days off so we can plan a little get away... 

hope this helps


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## rachel petch (Sep 7, 2010)

Sparkly.
I think exercise is right too, not that I ve done any I ve been thinking about doing something, even if it is just a run. Gonna start next week, as we have freinds coming over from Dublin for the weekend (boozy) lol.
I need to do something as I ve put on 3/4 of a stone this treatment!
I'm back to work tomorrow,and I'm very busy!! So hopefully the next 4 days will go quick, I feel quite up and down, I did nt feel like this even after my m/c...... Weird I know, I just seemed to get on with stuff after that!
We re gonna give it 1 more go, and then that's it....no more! I'm 40 next year so we ve decided to put in place a bucket list of all the thing we wanna do, and instead of saving money, we're gonna bloody spend it!!!!!!  

To all the other girls, I hope you're all doing ok xxxx


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## Nellnoo (May 6, 2011)

Hi All

I'm so pleased to have found you......I too recieved a BFN result last week after our 1st IVF.  We had review meeting with the consultant on Friday and were told that my right fallopian tube is filled with fluid and should be removed before our next cycle as it has a negitive impact on implantation.  I have an ultrasound scan booked for two weeks time to confirm.  I have spent the whole weekend researching this condition and procedure needed and also looking at the cost of paying private as I'm sure the NHS waiting list will be too long and with my age and low AMH time is something that is not on my side.

It was good to read about how you are all feeling as I have had so many different emotions over the past week...it's good to know that I'm not alone.

My heart goes out to you all and I pray that one day we will all get the BFP that we want x


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## Dolphins (Sep 29, 2011)

Hi all  

My first cycle of IVF/ICSI ended in a 'biochemical pregnancy' about 5 wks ago, and I am still grieving.  The pain is so intense at times that feels like it will never go away, but I feel that I can't talk to anyone about this as I know they don't understand.  For those people who don't know what a 'chemical pregnancy' is (and let's face it I didn't until we had one!) it is when the pregnancy hormone (HCG) is detected on a pregnancy test, therefore in my case giving me a faint 'positive test' on OTD.  In order for the HCG line to be prominent the HCG has to increase significantly (in our case double) in order to become a viable pregnancy.  I had to then have blood tests on OTD and 2 days later to detect whether my HCG level/beta level had increased by double.  Two days after OTD after having my blood test, the level reduced from 18.5 on OTD to 3.5 two days later, and therefore was not a 'viable pregnancy' and was deemed by the Dr. has a 'biochemical pregnancy.'  This could also be deemed clinically as a very early miscarriage.

The Dr. at the time said that this was a good prognosis for the future as I didn't just get a negative, but it feels like no consolation for us.  Our consultant who we saw on Mon. of this week said that it can occur in 10% of women undergoing IVF, so it is common.  However, that means that there are still 90% of women who don't get this.  Our consultant however wants us now to go straight to using our FET, using our 1 and only frozen embryo that we have got left, but we are debating whether or not to have another fresh cycle first, because if FET works (which of course WILL be FANTASTIC!!   ) it would mean waiting 1 or 2 yrs before using a fresh cycle, which will mean that I'll be practically hitting 40 and this will greatly reduce the success rate.  What do others think?  Forgive me, for going on too long but this is where I am at, at the moment.  INFERTILITY is just so painful! It's beyond words.

Thanks for reading.

xx


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

Hi Susan2

Big hugs to you hun.....    so sorry to hear about what you have gone through.... 

I understand your pain, I feel it, and I know it .... infact your pain is worse that mine, as you had that elevated hope which was then destoryed.... it is so hard to cope with it, wake up every morning hoping things will get better and they dont, try not to put too much pressure onyourself and allow yourself and your OH to grieve and prepare yourselves mentally for the next cycle.

Regarding your predicament re next cycle, if you are on NHS I dont think they give you a natural cycle if you have FEs to use. Also i have heard other women say that their FET cycle was much better as the body has less to cope with. Personally I feel that the egg collection (I also got OHSS) puts a lot of strain on the body and then with a day 3 transfer, there is just too much for the body to deal with. But you are right, it might be an idea to go on a "long" protocol and do another natural cycle, so that you have more FEs ready incase this one does not work.... 

also please dont worry yourself with stats etc, each case and each individual is unique, do what you feel is right and when you get advise from the doctors, ask them all the questions regarding why they are giving this advice. 

I am hoping with all my strength this is true, as we have 5 FEs and hoping they will survive the thaw and one of them would work for us, but our next cycle is only in June... time has come to a standstill since BFN!! 

Keep strong and try to smile, things WILL get better


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Hi everyone,
I am just starting to pick up the pieces after a BFN this week.  The ladies in waiting April 2WW thread has been AMAZING, but is moving along so fast with lots of new ladies on the 2WW roller coaster.


I wanted to create a space to keep chatting to my incredible new FFs and would love to open this up to anyone else who has just had treatment, whether you were on the 2WW thread or not. Please feel welcome to join the loveliest group of supportive ladies.  Let's help each other through the tears in whatever way we can.  And to those lucky ladies with their beautiful BFPs, come chat to us too and let us know how you're getting on.  You are an inspiration!!


So how has your day been today? I have done much better today....no crying so far! My DH is home in a couple of hours after 3 days away. We haven't had a hug since the BFN was confirmed.  So I am both looking forward to that and scared about all the feelings it will bring...


With lots of love and warm hugs   


Weeguapa xx


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## XXDDxx (Oct 6, 2009)

Hi weeguapa.
I also thought about starting a thread for us ladies.
How r doing? Have u thought about what u will do next? Xxxxx


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## angela123 (Feb 15, 2010)

Hey Weeguapa,
Donna how are both bearing up today....... 
Its been a mixed bag today for me as I think the devil hormones have kicked in and me
and DH Scrapping all day.... its well werid .... bloods have come back brill but we always seemed to do this... like on the flight to our honeymoon or the day we bought our house at auction, its like theres a pressure to be happy so we end up fighting.....
........ I think am a sandwich short of a picnic??


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Hey Donna!
Thank you so much for coming over here  let's definitely keep in touch!

I'm doing ok... Better day today. As for more Tx, I would start tomorrow if I could! We have used all our frosties now so are eligible for NHS treatment.  The first appointment I could get is for 30th may though. So I guess we have to have a little break, which might not be a bad thing.  I'm thinking about looking into immunes testing....will ask consultant at follow up in a couple of weeks.  What about you? How are you feeling about it all? What's your next step?

Hope you and DH are doing ok xx


Angela - HELLO lovely    So excited to see your bloods result on the other thread....amazing news!! And I think you and your DH are totally normal.  At least not unlike me and my DH! I seem to have a knack for sabotaging the celebratory moments....sometimes I wonder if it's a way of checking out it's all real? That it's not some kind of dream and the world hasn't completely changed! Not sure if that even makes sense! You must have so many fears and worries mixed in with all the excitement? Plus those freakin hormones!!! I think if you weren't scrapping a bit with DH then it would be a worry!! Hope you're feeling ok though. Have you told anyone else about your BFP? If so, what was it like?


Lots of love xx


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## XXDDxx (Oct 6, 2009)

Angela.
Congrats hunni. No ur not crazy I do the same lol! Altho I normally go mad coz I feel like he dsnt get excited about things and ruins it for me.

Weeguapa.

Well.... Iv been going mad. We have NHS funding but we are using donor sperm and the our clinic doesn't have any so I'm trying to find out if we can import it. Iv been emailing the clinic yest and today and no one is getting back to me! 
That's fab ur getting back and really that's not too long at all. U defo u need to give ur body a bit of a break and enjoy a few months with no drugs. I had a cycle in jan and I donated all my eggs to the other lady as we didn't have enough to share and I feel I went into this cycle to quickly. 
How do u feel? Iv been having hot flushes and weird feelings in my tummy a bit like fluttering? My period had finished today but I constantly feel wet (sorry tmi) I wonder if its my body calming down from all the drugs. Xxxxxx


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Hi Girls


I have merged your thread into the BFN chatter thread that is already running   


BTW no BFP chatter on this board please


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

hi shellebell - where can we go to just keep chatting to our 2WW buddies? we want a space to be able to keep chatting regardless of our outcomes...BFP or BFN. it's really important to me to be able to keep up with everyone and include new people too. could you please put the April showers thread I started somewhere where we can all chat?
thank you,
weeguapa


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## DizzySunshine (Feb 4, 2012)

Hey WeeGupa & other April 2ww ladies, 

I'd defo like to find the April Showers thread that was started too - let me know if it gets up and running. 

Today has been far more positive for my DH and I - I think as we've been getting used to the BFN since Monday... We've got my sister and her husband down for the Easter bank holiday, so hopefully that'll provide a distraction and cause lots of laughs. 

WeeGupa - hope you're doing okay still & that having your DH home brings healing emotion as opposed to more pain and sadness... Remember, we're here if you need to natter/vent etc. 

Xxxx


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Aww dizzy, thank you! Will definitely keep trying to relocate our April showers thread and will let you know where it goes.

Glad to hear you're doing ok and hope you have a lovely weekend with lots of giggles. Take good care of you and keep in touch xx


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## XXDDxx (Oct 6, 2009)

Dizzy.
Glad your coming to terms with it. Enjoy ur weekend hunni laughter is defo the best medicine. Xxxxx


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## DizzySunshine (Feb 4, 2012)

Donna & WeeGuapa!!! 
Thanks for the love ladies - the wine is helping tonight - I've had half a glass and an starting to feel the effects!! Lol. 

Wee - think I've started a DrawSomethinh game with you - I'm Ela L xxxx


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Yay dizzy!! I wondered who that was  so excited to draw with you!

FF moderator....please could we have a new home for our April showers?? Really don't want to hijack this negative cycle chatter thread with chat from our 2WW thread. And we would like to be able to include BFP chat. Thank you!!


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## DizzySunshine (Feb 4, 2012)

I second WeeGuapa's request please Moderator... We have all bonded loads on our 2ww thread, and have really provided lots of support to each other - regardless of each individuals outcome... We'd love somewhere to continue building our friendships and providing continued support and inspiration 

Xxxxx


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

You carry on wit the chatter on the April cyclers thread, 

There really isn't a place to accommodate every cliche that wants to stay together. The whole website is set up for everyone to help each other, the servers have enough stress, without having every 2ww group keep a separate group going staying togethe 

If you want support for your bfn this is the board. You could start a thread in another area but you wouldn't be allowed the pg chatter other than on the pg boards iyswim


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## weeguapa (Aug 28, 2009)

Wow. I'm really surprised by that response. We are not a 'clique' (I assume that's what you mean). There has simply been a huge amount of positive support on the 2WW thread and we are all feeling the need to continue to help each other out, regardless of outcome. In my initial post, I tried to be really clear that it was a thread for anyone at all, whether they had been writing on the April 2WW thread or not, and whether they had a BFP or BFN.

I am really surprised that issues with servers would prevent what I feel is at the heart of this website.  I feel absolutely gutted that a major source of support over the past few weeks is being minimised and taken away.  It's not appropriate for us to keep writing on a 2WW thread. We are not on a 2WW.

There are lots of long term buddies threads, why do we not qualify for one?

I'm sorry for the upset post - this is a tough time, as many will appreciate. I think the feedback is important though - this site is committed to helping and hopefully someone will hear what we're saying and help us find a safe place to chat.


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Sorry if this came across wrong, but have been up since 5am and on my phone.

Long term buddies are for those that have been on the site for a year or more (mainly from before the site had changes) and BFP chatter can only take place on certain boards and threads as per.site guidelines.

If you were chatting on the cycle buddies threads they stay open, but just the 2ww ones close

You could chat on the coping with infertility, but again no BFP chatter.


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