# Giving up your career to focus on IVF



## GGP

Hi All, I've been reading many posts on different opinions on leaving a job to focus on IVF and now I feel more confused than ever. If there is anyone who could offer a personal experience and some of the positives of taking this path as it would offer some reassurance!  

My husband and I have been together for 13yrs and have been unable to conceive naturally. I have one son to a previous parter who is wonderful but we would give anything to add to our happy family. 

We obviously know we have issues and in fact my husband has a low count and I have a low egg count and some hormone in balances I need to address. 

The issue is that my job is all consuming with a lot of expectation on me to be the next leadership within a multi national company. I already struggle with work life balance with my current family and given its now 13yrs and we've still not been able to focus on IVF I feel something needs to give. I'm up for another promotion which will see me cover Eastern hemisphere which means more travel, more work, more stress, less sleep and all the rest. However, I'm thinking of quitting to focus on health, diet, research, stop smoking, and making a true commitment to IVF and our baby project. Money is not an issue but I feel if I do quit to focus on IVF I'm taking the easy way out as so many say you can do both. 

My husband has a great career and if I'm home I can focus for us both on diet etc to give us the best chance. Right now I'm lucky if we get one day together and it's life at its fastest.  

If we are blessed with a baby then I wouldn't work anyway.....and when the time is right can you pick your career back up again? 

I chaired the women's resource group within my company as a side role, which looks at supporting females thru the career ladder in my origination/business sector. however, if its not a financial issue and you don't want to juggle both...........can you pick up again in a few years when the time is right? Study etc etc as a gap filler. 

One confused 38yrs lady


----------



## Lorna1547

Hi hon

Well, I gave up my job to concentrate on IVF, as like you, I was in a very demanding role and I was basically left with two decisions, either my work, or a baby.  It was a bit of a no brainer to be honest.

I haven't looked back, and with me not working, gave me the time to go to hospital appointments and basically, be stress free.  I haven't gone back to work yet, but in your case, I'm sure you will be able to pick up where you left off.  In my case, I'm in no rush  

I was very lucky to be in a position to leave my work and really believe that this was a huge factor in me now having my beautiful twins.

Only you can make the decision that is right for you and your family, but for me, it was the best decision I ever made.

Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best.

L xx


----------



## GGP

That's so reassuring to hear   and wonderful with such a blessing as a result. 

It's a complete life changer, I'm supposed to attend a special event with our execs in two weeks in a relay to hand the baton down to the next emerging leaders and all I can think of is another year of not focusing on understanding all of what IVF is...... 

Some times I do believe you just can't do it all and others things are much more important. 

Thank you! G xxx


----------



## Lorna1547

You're right, sometimes you just can't do it all and something has to give.

You will make the right decision lovely.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Take care

L xx


----------



## coweyes

I stepped down in my job role and reduced my hours but never gave up work.


What i would say is that i think its important to be doing something, if you don't have the stability of a job your have  a lot of time to think.  Can you not change careers and do something that you fancy doing? esp if money is not an issue.


Personally even if not working was a option i would never have taken it, i think if your not careful you can start to be a bit cut off from the world.  Your whole life will become about ivf and wanting a baby. x


----------



## Carito3005

How about asking for a sabbatical? I work in an IT multi and also form part of the women resource group. I took a 9 month sabbatical to do the last round of IVF with my own eggs. It didn't work but I'm glad I took the time off. I could mourn the loss of the genetic children I didn't have and embraced egg donation. I was hoping to do a cycle with DE before the end of the sabbatical but timing wasn't on my side. I went back to work on August 1st and I'm travelling to Washington next week!! Luckily I can work remotely so I'm not saying anything in the office. If it works this time, I will work until maternity leave and assess what I want to do later but probably I will quit or work part time. But as Sheryl Sandberg said, don't leave before you leave!


----------



## DE43

Hi GGP

Not much to add to what the other ladies have said but one comment in your post stuck with me.  Its when you say perhaps you should stick at it and continue to try to juggle both coz other women do, or words to that effect. 

You sound like so many of us women, thinking that you have to do it all coz others are. I'm not being critical.  I'm the same.  Always putting pressure on myself but I wanted to say that others may appear to be coping with both, but actually not, or they might be lucky enough to have flexible jobs, like I do, so coping to them is not half as pressurised as coping is to you, iykwim.

I'm about to embark on my 16th treatment   if you count the OE and DE and I know I couldn't have done this if I didn't work for an organisation that had such family friendly, flexible policies.  I can get time off easy enough.  I am in senior management which means I can schedule my own time but I work for government and I doubt that while I have pressure and am busy it's probably nothing like what you have in a private company. My sis in law works at pretty much same level as me in a private company and way way more is expected of her.  I don't want this to sound like I'm a well paid slacker. Far from it as my dh and friends will vouch for.  It's just in my experience private companies are much tougher to work in and at senior management levels so so much is expected of you and I think you're being hard on yourself expecting yourself to do it all!

So in short what I'm trying to say is do what your gut is telling you.  You'll regret it in years to come if you don't.  It is a nice position to be in to have the choice, and I'm not saying that in a resentful way, tho I am a little bit pea-green  

As the other poster has said you might want to do something else less pressurising just to keep you busy, it doesnt even have to be paid work, and as a long term ivfer I would definitely advise this.  You need something to keep you sane in between appointments etc.  And finally, by the sounds of your post you'll have no bother getting back on the ladder again when you're ready.

Go for it!

X


----------



## nikki76

Nice thread!!
My opinion stick to what will make u happy now!! Don't think about future and what is expected from u!!
If ur gut is telling u to leave the s*%t, stress and pointless responsibilities behind do it!!!
None of ur colleagues, managers will be at ur deathbed!!... That's what I tell myself anyway

If u don't have a money problem, go find urself, bring back the calmness in ur life, go for a holiday, do some yoga, spend some money on the best vitamins u can buy, find the best nutritionist out there, the best ivf clinic money can buy.... Focus on u and ur baby! And don't look back!!

Don't stress urself with what u ll do in the future.. Focus on getting that baby first!!
Good luck! xx


----------



## Bubblicious

My take on it is, you only have a relatively small window in which to have children and a much bigger window to work and carve out a career. So what if you take some time out to give IVF the best chance possible, it's nothing in the big scheme of things. [Sadly] we'll all potentially be working until we're 60 or beyond so you'll have plenty of time to get climb back up that career ladder when you're ready to put your baby/babies into childcare , if that's what you want.


----------



## coweyes

I agree with you, but my concern in all honestly is the emotional side of it.  Working gives your routine and structure with out that it would be easy to fall into a negative cycle of only having a life that evolves around wanting a baby and ivf.  If you decide not to work your have to be very strict on yourself and forge some other kind of daily routine so you don't end up just drifting through life.  xx


----------



## DE43

I agree coweyes
I think giving up a pressurised job is a good move if you can do it, but totally totally agree re finding something else.  Otherwise this stuff can drive you  
Good luck GGP on making your decision


----------



## bombsh3ll

Hi,

This thread really interested me as I found it so hard keeping up a demanding job whilst doing 3 IVF cycles, particularly as nobody at work knew. I was just a zombie going through the motions each day & honestly don't know how I managed to keep up the performance and not get sacked. As well as the logistics of scheduling clinic trips, scans etc, having to turn in as usual whilst dealing with the devastation of a miscarriage and a cancelled cycle was awful. 

When I was successful on my third cycle, I had to take a midday pessary for the first trimester and lie down for 30 mins afterwards, which I could only manage by driving to a quiet place (not easy in a city) and doing it on the back seat of my car. I also had a lot of bleeding early on and was constantly on edge checking for bleeding. 

For me, I had no choice but to keep going with my job in order to fund IVF, but if money was no object I would have given it up in a heartbeat to focus on IVF as doing both takes such a toll physically and emotionally. There are plenty of other things you could take up to fill your days in between such as a new hobby or voluntary work that would fulfill that need without being a source of so much stress and conflict. 

I hope you find the solution that works for you, and most of all that you get that longed for baby!!

B xxx


----------



## MandyPandy

I was a fulltime law student at a very academic university.  My workload was a minimum of 40 hours a week study and there was no way I could hope to do treatment at the same time as study.  I interrupted my studies for 18 months to concentrate on treatment.

I found it brilliant as I was able to focus all my attention on researching treatment, clinics, immunes therapy, etc., but the problem was, as Coweyes rightly says, there is then no escape from it.  So if you were thinking of quitting fulltime work for treatment, I would make sure you have a hobby that isn't too demanding to fill in days to stop you thinking.  I took up walking and walked everywhere.  It was fantastic as it meant I got fit and healthy for treatment and it gave me the headspace (and time) to come to terms with everything.  It was also something I could continue both during and in between cycles.

So basically, as others have said, if you can afford to take a break to focus on treatment, I'd definitely recommend it.


----------



## Ajbpepsi

Hi GGP,

I also have similar high stress sales job involving travelling a great deal within Europe. After my miscarriage this year it made me realise that life is too short. If I want this baby then I need to put some focus in on it and I need to dedicate time to myself, my body, my mental state and getting myself ready for this. We spent money on three iui treatments already and I was thinking that if we were going to have to move onto ivf then I wanted to give myself every chance possible for it to work.

I then voiced the idea of a year sabbatical and it seemed that it was a viable option, allowed me to still be employed but gave me the time I needed off. It was not such a final decision as quitting. We agreed it could work. I was planning to also do a language class as well for me to keep myself busy, something I always wanted to do too, and I think having something else to focus on is also good so you are not solely focused on the baby project. But to be quite honest I was going to have a lot to do, plan was to go to exercise classes, do yoga, walk lots, get healthy, eat healthy, pretty much like you want to do too.

In the end I got pregnant straight after my miscarriage and now the plan is not to have a sabbatical but to go on maternity leave. But either way on 1st jan 2014 I was having time off, just that I am now lucky it's gone this way.

You have to do what's right for you. But if you are high up in your career, your career can take a hold for a while, you will find something else easily and it's better to leave on a high note. Our windows for having children are limited and for me personally I want to know I did everything possible to make it work. Of course, it is extremely lucky to be financially able to do this as well. I know it's not possible for everyone. 

I also know several girls that did the same and it then worked for them too. I do not believe there is a down side to doing this. You just got to have another focus on your time out as well to keep your mind going and not going crazy with the baby project. But you sound a bit like me, you probably never had a break, you probably deserve a break, some well earned time off for you. I think it's really healthy to take time out.  You learn a lot about yourself then too. 

Good luck, let us know what you decide to do, 

AJ xx


----------



## bridge2jones

Hi

This is where I was back in February so I can really empathise, even though I'm in a different situation to you in some ways  

I have an almost 5 year old son, conceived naturally but my 5th pg after 4 mc's. We've been trying for no. 2 for 4.5 years to no avail, 2 cycles with OE and 2 with DE. We got close with a very early mc back in Feb and that was the breaking point for me in terms of juggling work and IVF. I was in a Senior Training role, managing a remote team around the UK. i was only supposed to work 3 days a week but regularly attended meetings, conference calls and worked on so called days off. Working through 4 cycles of IVF meant missing lots of important meetings, colleagues questionning my whereabouts, having to lie to people I cared about and working evenings to cover appointments during the day. It got progressively more stressful and towards the end, I got incredibly guilty about not focusing on work as much as I should and generally feeling I was only doing my job to 70% of my capacity, and it wasn't enough for me anymore, I'm too proud. I realised that something had to give, either we stopped our dream of 2 children, or I took some time out of work.

As some ladies have said, work will always be there, time to have children won't. I'm 20 years into my career with potentially another 20 to work - so rather than saying I'm unemployed, or out of work, or retired (as some friends think is the case!!), I see it as a career break / sabbatical. I've been off for 4 months - it enabled me to spend the whole summer with my son before he started school for the first time, precious time I could never have had otherwise, and now I can be a full-time Mum to him but also try and relax a bit. I guess having my son gave me more reason to give up work, and there are also other complications like a chronic health condition which has not been helped by teh stress in my job. But taking all those things to one side, I do not regret leaving my job at all.

I do miss the banter, my colleagues, the money (am being honest!) and the actual job - but something had to go, for just a while, I've had to realise that for me, i can't have it all - I'd rather be doing one or two things 95% well rather than three or four things at 50%. Now my son is at school all day, as another lady has said, i do have to focus myself. We have a big house that keeps me busy and a number of house type projects that never got tackled whilst working. I've been a bit of a hermit the last few days but thats just exhaustion and laziness!! I go to yoga classes, walk my dog every day and generally try to relax when can. I am a bit worried about how I will cope in the 2ww with nothing else to think about other than whether I'm pg or not, but it has to be up to me to get creative with things to do and take my mind off it all, only i can do that.

It has to be your choice, and you have to feel its right. I was lucky that my hubby really wanted me to leave my job too after 6 years of working away most of the week - and a number of therapists had also been telling me over the last 2 years that the best thing I could do to improve my chances of success, were to take my foot off the pedal and take some 'me' time - cheesy but worth a shot for me!!

Good luck with your decision
xxx


----------



## katehe

I often think that the reason infertility is so difficult is because your are trying to emotionally deal with 2 polar opposite consequences- it works or it doesn't. If it doesn't, you still have to live and have an identity, which in part is related to our careers, our peers that often have children etc. I have had 2 failed ivf's and taken a year off treatment (whilst still working) to get through the grief. A year on, I am now going to move onto donor eggs because I know in my heart of hearts I will always wonder what if, if I do not try. I sense a similar feeling from your post. I read a book called 'regrets of the dying' written by a nurse. No-one dies wishing they had worked more. I guess what I am trying to say, is yes give it your all, the best you can,  but also try and prepare for all outcomes. Kate x


----------



## star17

GGP,

This is a tough decision, where the answer will be different for all of us.  I thought I would share my thought process incase useful.

My career has always been hugely important to me and like you work for a large global firm.  Have been pretty focused on it throughout my twenties and into my thirties.  Having been ttc for a whie and after various tests showing we needed ivf, I got to the point where I just couldn't do it all.  I stayed at my job, but told a few key people and arranged to go down to four days and reduce my workload a fair chunk to make sure that I could also get home at a reasonable time during the week.  Getting to that point took me a long time and lots of thinking and discussing with DH.  However I wouldn't change it for the world.  I simply could not have got through the last year without the reduction.  I am also hoping that I can step back onto the promotion path if I want to (although that might be a pipe dream!  R I might not want to as life is much nicer now!)  

I wouldn't have stopped working.  Too much time on my hands wouldn't have provided the distraction I needed.  I need something else to focus on.  I did think about it, but for me it wouldn't ave worked.

I recognise how lucky I am as my work were fab.  But the middle ground is an excellent option!

Good luck!


----------



## Keeping busy

I gave up work at the end of March to focus on ivf. We are lucky that we don't need my income and I was finding working and having ivf really stressful.  I'm a perfectionist by nature and was also a manager.  The realisation that I couldn't do both came for me when I was on the phone in tears to my boss as I had just found out I was pregnant but hcg was low and I needed to be I  London near my clinic to have intralipids whilst my children's centre was in the middle of an ofsted inspection.  I felt like I wasn'tdoing aanything right and totally torn. I think it depends on your clinic a bit. If you use one that doesn't do much monitoring you can manage  with only about a week off for each cycle but if you have intense monitoring then unless work is next door to the clinic you might need 3/4 weeks off. I have to admit I am mighty bored some of the time now I don't work and have thought about getting a little job with no stress but then it would be hard to get time off to cycle.  Fortunately I pick up the odd day of consultancy work here and their otherwise my brain would completely be mush by now.... good luck whatever you decide xxx


----------



## coweyes

Keeping busy


Why dont you do some voluntary work, very rewarding with out the commitment.


----------



## Keeping busy

Thanks cows eyes, I'm doing a little bit but still hate the feeling of letting people down when I suddenly need three weeks off! xx


----------

