# Cn't believe my body has let me down?? "Why Me" syndrome....



## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

I am 41 and have decided not to have anymore IVF - after 3 heartbreaking years..... We can afford it, I just can't do it anymore and as you can see from my signature we are at breaking point 

I just cannot believe that my eggs are all abnormal..... and I cannot cannot continue harming myself so much for the elsuive one that might not be....I thought I could, but I cannot..... I just can't believe my body has let me down like this. I conceived naturally at 36, and started again at 38.... don't ask why we went straight into IVF.... but when I see other BFP's from ladies who are 40+ it just makes me wonder why why why? I knwo so many friends who are 40/41 who have conceived, some even their first baby.... and I can't get over my body failing like this. I was on the March/April thread for IVF and it was so depressing to see the ladies that were my age getting 20+ follicles and double digit numbers of eggs...

Has anyone esle felt like this? How do you get over it? I don't want to stay miserable at myself, angry (at everyone - one argument after a "pregnancy news" meltdown was nearly the end)..... Yes, I'm having therapy, it's not specifically IF but it is helping. I just can't see a way to feel differently.

Please help!

Rubster xxx


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Rubster, please don't be so hard on yourself.  There is no rhyme or reason and life is unfair.  You must focus on the blessings you have and not on what you wish you had.  

I've just had a failed FET and I'm trying to move on.  You'd think that having ICSI success and two children would be enough for me but somehow, in the back of my mind, I'm still coming to terms with how unjust life is, how some people just want a baby and have one and I can't. In fact, if I'd not gone back to try my frosties, these feelings may have stayed deep, deep down but instead, they've been brought starkly to the fore.  I think infertility stays with you and with secondary infertility, you get even less support and sympathy.

However, my five year old niece has been battling leukemia for two years.  It's a horrible disease and the treatment even worse so it makes me realise how lucky I am that my children are healthy.  She was diagnosed when I only had one child and it made me realise that I was so lucky to have a child in good health.  Okay, I only had the one but he was well and happy.  It put a new perspective on what was important.


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