# New and very scared ~



## JulesHope (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi everyone. I'm new and feeling pretty lost as to where to turn. I am 27 and DH is 40. We don't have any children.
Hoping that by chatting to you all and reading about your experiences some light will start to peek through the big ol' black cloud I've been in since we got DH's sperm test results back last week. 
Basically his sperm motility was very low as was the sperm count. I had my first bloods back yesterday and they were all normal. I've got my 21 day blood test in couple of weeks so fingers crossed that comes back okay too. We've our first appointment at the hospital with the fertility specialist in 3 weeks time. It feels like forever to wait.
I haven't been coping very welll since recieving the news. We had to ring up for the result and the Doctor was so casual about it. She just said that the results were below what was normal and we could pick up the results from reception when we were passing and if we felt like a chat we could book an appointment. So when reading the results and seeing just how bad they were it was a heck of a shock. 
I have an appoinment with her tommorow to do with a UTI and want to ask about the results but dont really know where to start. Plus I feel a bit angry with her for leaving us without any more info like that. The past week has been a nightmare. 
I've had a quick look around the boards but because I don't know what treatment is best for us or what our next step is, I'm not too sure what it all means.

I promise I'm not usually so miserable. I think I'm still in shock to be honest. Feel so old and so young all at the same time.

Anyway, hopefully it will get better and things will become clearer. Look forward to meeting you all. Good luck, where ever you are on your journey. I still have faith that dreams can come true. xxxxx


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## Klosie Girl (Mar 28, 2006)

Oh Jules
you sound so down sweetheart, so first of all    & a warm welcome to Fertility Friends, you will find so many wonderful people on this website & no matter how much you feel that you are alone in what you're going through, you will probably find loads of people that have / are experiencing the same thing, which means that there's always someone to talk to even if it's just a rant about something.

Sorry you felt that the doctor was uninformative, sometimes I feel that they forget just how much people put their lives on hold waiting on results that could change their lives. Hopefully when you go to see her she will be more "human" with you & I hope that you find out any information that will be helpful in deciding where you go from here.

Never give up hope honey & as much as it's difficult try to remain positive.
         

Best wishes
Lisa  
xxx


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## wendysworld (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi there

I'm new on this site, reading your post i know exactly how you feel we went through same last year we had the same prob I'm just about to start icsi injections next Friday, icsi is when the man has poor mobility and /or low sperm count, there is loads of info on icsi on this site, i know its a shock and hard to deal with i keep thinking why us! I'm 34 this year so time is not on our side, luckily your bit younger and will have lots of time to try.

It is still possible to get preg naturally with low sperm but I think with the chances so low its better to be pro active about it and start making plans for the next stage.

keep checking out this site it will help i already feel better only found it yest.

infact this site has given me more info than my hospital!

take care & keep me posted i will have all my fingers and toes crossed for you


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## ali* (Nov 29, 2005)

Hi Jules
Just wanted to send you a big   and to tell you that it's really not the end of the world, however bleak things seem at the moment.
We had ICSI as hubby's sperm wasn't great following his vasectomy reversal, and this is definitely an option for you.
Sorry your dr was such an insensitive cow, but don't let her depress you!
Ali*


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## Wendy K (Sep 26, 2005)

Hi Jules,

Doc's have no idea, do they   I wanted to send you a hug 

One thing I will say, is quite often mens sperm can be improved, and there is lots of info on here about it 

But simple things like both of you taking a good Fertiity Multivit Like Zita West or Marilyn Glenville (Zita is a bit cheaper) and Nutricenter.com (I posted the Link on the Lister Clinic thread a couple of days ago, which is under ICSI) will help improve the quality of the  , healthy eating, organic if possible, no alcohol(ARGC really advocate no alcohol), Cobra 0 % beer is apparently nice, no smoking, boxers, to keep them cool  showers, not baths, greatly reduce coffee, or if he can cut it out,a few Brazil nuts daily, plenty of Zinc and Selenium.  
Dh and I juice every other day, veg and fruit.  I know this seems a lot of change for him, and you, but these changes really do help 

Make sure your dh doesn't have a  Varicosecele in his Testicles. Also is he has been unwell, had a fever, medication etc; this can effect sperm!  And it takes 3 months roughly to mature sperm.

And personally if you have the money go to a good fertility clinic and get his sperm checked properley, as at a private clinic they check the sperm straight away, as to my knowledge on the NHS they can be left a bit, and the most accurate results are gotten quickly, ie within an hour 
A consultation is good as you will get proper info on your situation from an expert and this is invaluable as a lot of precious time is wasted with the NHS.
A private cinsultation is usually around £150 ish and sperm check £80 ish depending on your clinic.  And then you will have more idea where you stand 

I wanted you to know there is lots that can be done, so all is not lost   

Babydust to you

Wendy K


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## datsy (Dec 26, 2007)

Hi Jules,   welcome...

Your post struck a chord with me, too. I've so far had bloods which indicate that I am ok and have been charting for most of the time we've been ttc, but DP has problems with count/motility/morphology all being outside the optimum. We have seem two urologists - both as part of normal NHS proceedings - and the second one basically said his count has 'probably always been this low' and that he was referring me to a gynaecologist for tests with a view to having ICSI. I had suspected that this would be the case but to hear it from a professional almost made me boo on the spot!

At that appt, I asked whether it was possible to have one last SA to see if the lifestyle changes that DP had been making, had had any effect. And it seems as though they may have (see my sig, below for details). He's been having acupuncture, taking Proxeed and not drinking (Becks alcohol free is nice, too!) - in addition to the loose boxers, showers etc - and it does seem to have improved his count, although I don't yet know what our PCT's guidelines are, in terms of SA results v which type of treatment. I have my first gynae appt on Monday 4 Feb so I hope to find out more.

We've been ttc for just over two years and when we first found out about DP's count etc, it was a bit of a shock - but I had prepared myself for a worst case scenario of no sperm whatsoever - so to find out that there was some made it seem a little more hopeful (eventho we still knew that assisted conception was a very real prospect!).

Since his last SA, I have begun to feel a lot more positive about continuing to try naturally - even though statistically it's less likely to happen than someone with no issues. And if that doesn't work, then the treatment ball has started rolling. On the one hand I can't believe I'm even having this conversation (I feel like that on a daily basis! ) but on the other...I am finding myself just looking at each part of the process in isolation and trying not to freak out at what may lie ahead.

You're not alone - it's very scary and and a big, fat emotional rollercoaster but talking definitely helps and there are loads of lovely people on here that are happy to answer any questions and give you support.

Huge hugs,
datsy xxx


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## PMA (Jan 5, 2008)

Hi Ladies

I think we all have to keep are chins up and have lots of   i am trying to take each day as it comes. We had are initial consulation with the specialist on monday, i was told i had PCO which was a surprise so i am now taking Metformin to sort it out. My drugs arrived today, i think up until then i hadn't really comprehended what we are going to have to do. My dh sperm is less than a million and also 90% abnormal due to his operations. we start injecting on the 15th feb so thats my next milestone - making sure i can do it without going all girlie!!!
I agress this site has given me most support and info! I am lucky -don't think thats the best use of the word, my collegue and boss have been through ivf so understand what a rollercoaster we will be on.

lots of  

xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## baby whisper (Sep 22, 2004)

hi hun just wanted to say hello and welcome you to ff you have come to the right place for all the help and support you will need
good luck with everything 
lea-Anne xxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  JulesHope   
I am sorry to read the casual attitude you faced getting the results - Lets hope the next person you see is sympathetic, you can ask if the surgery has a dr more specialised in fertility, as some do.
the Ladies have left you some really great infomation and stories, and i just want to re iterate your not alone! FF is a community of men and Women who really do understand the pain and shock your in 

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

For the ICSI board -
CLICK HERE

ICSI - Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply)
CLICK HERE

G&B  Community Fun board
CLICK HERE

Starting out & Diagnosis ~
CLICK HERE

Meanings ~ (off line at the moment)
CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs to Know
CLICK HERE

FERTILITY INFO GUIDES
CLICK HERE

Male factors -
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## JulesHope (Jan 31, 2008)

Wow, so many replies   Thank you all so much. It really helps to know I'm not alone. Thank you for the hugs Lisa, I need them!   I am feeling slightly more positive today. Hubby brought home some info he found on NHS website so we're starting to get a bit more informed about what our options are and what the next steps might be. It doesn't actually look as bleak as I first thought. 
Wishing you lots of luck with your ISCI Wendy. I agree about being proactive, we are still trying naturally but I intened to drive the doctors up the wall asking questions etc. Doing lots of research is helping me feel a bit more in control again. I have my fingers crossed for you too   Thank you Ali   From what I have gathered so far ISCI does look like a good option for us. Will ask about it at our appointment. Thank you for the tips WendyK. Mr Jules is rattling with all the supplements I have him taking and we've added some since the SA result so hoping that they might make a bit of difference. Every one counts after all. I haven't drank for a couple of years now. I'm a total lightweight and the hangovers were awful so just gave it up. Mr Jules doesn't feally drink either. Had a couple at Christmas but none since. The non alcho Becks sounds like a good idea.  I want to go to a fertlity clinic but he says we should wait until our NHS consultation. Having trouble finding a clinic in our area (Cumbria), not sure there is one but we'd be willing to travel. Is there somewhere that lists all the fertility clinics or do I ask the Doctor for info? 
Datsy, glad to see I aren't alone in thinking 'I can't believe this is happening'. I keep expecting it to sink in but so far I'm still a bit in denial. Think it is best to look at it one step at a time. I was trying to see the whole thing from start to end at first but its impossible and just makes you feel worse. Good luck with your treatment   I really hope it all goes well for you.  Lots of luck to you too PMA (like your name!). 
I didn't go to see the doc today, I felt so down in the mrning and still pretty cross with her that I couldn't face it. Plus because it was unrelated to TTC it felt like a waste of time.  

I have had a little look in the male factors bit of the site, thank you Dizzi. It was really helpful and reading some of the posts there has given me the bit of hope that I had lost back again. Going to check out some of the other places you've pointed me to now. (though I should be in bed...have you seen the time!   ) 

Thank you all so much. I feel a lot better for knowing that there are others out there feeling the same way. I wish you all the best of luck and fingers crossed for all of you. xxx


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## wendysworld (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi Jules

really glad you seem to be feeling better, we have all felt despair at some point, i had a really tough week last week it all seemed so mad!

not looking forward to injecting myself this Friday, we decided to keep all this too ourselves as my other half feels guilty and ashamed as its his low sperm i have tried so hard to make him understand that it doesn't matter to me we are in this together but its really hard we are both feeling very different about it all, plus my mum fell out with me the other day over something small and i just thought cant cope with petty little things at the moment while I'm about to embark on something so huge in my life.

anyway sorry for ranting on Jules.

I'm at care in manchester was on st Mary's waiting list but it was just so long if you can afford the cost you would be better going private if poss its so much quicker, i don't know of a clinic near you but if you end up in manchester you have my full support this end 

hope you got some sleep last night!!
its it need deep in snow this morning?

xx


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Hi there, just wanted to say hello and welcome to FF   Good luck with your treatment  

xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Jules  @the time! it was past midnight when I logged off too

Check out Cumbria as a site search/in the locations boards, your hubby is right go as far along the NHS road as you can, I would always advice start saving for private treatment at the same time, as waiting lists can be long some couples are able to have nhs tries and private cycles, but each PCT is different and its a question you need to ask!

But a really good place to get clinic info from is the HFEA website
they also have a free booklet about fertility which is well worth ordering/downloading 
heres the link
HFEA Website
http://www.hfea.gov.uk/en/1131.html

Glad to read your feeling more positive - and in control 

~Dizzi~


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## cleg (Jun 27, 2006)




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## ♥keepinghope♥ (Nov 28, 2006)

hello and welcome

its hard times waiting and results etc not knowing whats happening you feel so out of control. sperm count can be helped by good diet ,cut back alchol, vitamins, stop smoking, i hope all these work for you and your tests come back with good results.

goodluck keepinghope x


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## lou73 (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi, just been reading the posts on the site. I only became a member this week, needed a place to chat to people who are in the same boat! We have been ttc since we were married in 2006 - no luck yet! The doc has done so many tests and investigations I feel like a pincushion!! (and I am terriefied of needles) Had investigation to check my one tube (had 2 'tumors' removed from my ovaries in 2000 and they had to remove one ovary) this came back clear, which we were really pleased about although having that 'unexplained infertility' label is a bit depressing. I am 35 which I guess is quite young (that's what my gynae keeps telling me!) and we have just been accepted for treatment at St Mary's. Our apppointment to see the consultant is in April, but we know nothing about what will happen and what this means - hopefully we will find out more next week at a meeting we're going to. 
Have just started having reflexology to try to relax a bit more! 
Good luck to everyone else out there, it's incredibly inspirational reading your stories.
Lou x


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## JulesHope (Jan 31, 2008)

Thank you for the welcome Loubie, keeping hope and Cleg   I'll do that Dizzi. I suppose he is right to see what they can offer us first. I just feel so panicked sometimes and I want to be having treatment like yesterday!   Had a bad day today again. Pretty up and down but hopefully it'll get easier to deal with once we know a bit more.
Been looking at CARE in Manchester Wendy and it does look like the place for us if we decide to go private. From what I keep hearing about waiting lists I think we will end up going down that route. Trying to stay calm and wait until we've had our first appointment at Hospital. Lots of luck with the injections. I've found that all the little worries I've had have vanished since we found out. It really gets things into prespective. We've kept it to ourselves too for the same reason as you. Have told my Mum though. 
Reflexology sounds like a good idea Lou. I was thinking about going for acupuncture. It'll get me used to needles if nothing else! 
So much to think about! Lots of luck and hope to you all. Thank you for your support xxx


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## wendysworld (Jan 31, 2008)

jules

if you end up CARE let me know i'll give you as much info as i can it helps if you know bit more about the place and doc's etc..

let me know how you get on


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## Angelmummy (Jan 28, 2008)

Welcome! 

yes, keep the faith sweetheart.

Good luck with your treatment 

  

Love Kay
xx


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## JulesHope (Jan 31, 2008)

Thank you all again. Can I just ask, because I'm not sure where to post this, is it 'normal' to feel so up and down in the beginning?  
On Sunday after just over a week after the SA results came back I felt okay for the first time and had a good day. I thought that I was over the initial shock and would be ready for what came next but then woke up on Monday at rock bottom again and spent most of the day crying   Then tonight I started crying into the pancake batter becaue a friend (she doesn't know about our problems) texted me a pic of her baby having his first taste of a pancake.   How on earth does everyone manage? I'm scared I won't be strong enough for what lies ahead.
xxx


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## wendysworld (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi Jules

as far as every lady on here is concerned your no diff to us we all feel the same as you its almost harder dealing with other peoples lives and good news than anything, i posted on another forum the other night and its was a horried message about how my horried sister in law to be is preg and i hate it, i had a right rant!

Im just about to spend the day with my preg friend who is expecting twins and not happy about it, wish me luck!!

seriously hunny you will get through this with all your fert friends on here


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## lou73 (Jan 31, 2008)

Wendy, just wanted to say good luck for your treatment, thinking of you and sending you lots of positive vibes.  

Jules, don't worry about having a 'rant' on here, only found this site a week ago and it's been a godsend. At work today one of the girls brought her baby in and I had to leave the room, didn't even look at him, couldn't face it!! One of the other girls is pregnant too, which has really upset me cos she said it was on her agenda and she would be pregnant at xmas so she didn't have to teach a class at school!! That sounds really horrid doesn't it - sorry. I have my happy days (lots of them), but some real bad days like today, I know it's hard, just try to keep your chin up   lou


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Jules this is the right place to post when your having a bad day and yes in the early days its hard and NORMAL to be up one day and down the next! because its so raw - and we cant "fix it"
as time goes on you find ways of coping and enjoying others babies (I cant cope with pg anouncments) but will happily shop in mothercare in the 3rd tri and play with a newborn 
also counselling can help when things get tough, I think the key is not to fight your emotions nor hide the truth whenever possible.
Just keep posting here or in other places around FF

~Dizzi~


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## wendysworld (Jan 31, 2008)

hi jules and everyone else 

just wanted to let you all know feel very weird today better than i have felt in about 3 months ! did first injection was such a baby running round the house shouting i dont want to do it!! (quite stupid and funny) tried counting and everything took me about 15 mins to do it and it was fine had worse scratches off my cat!!


feel so refreshed today im thinking i might have had a touch of s.a.d too or somthing along with all this icsi stuff.

hope everyone is feeling ok


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## JulesHope (Jan 31, 2008)

Thank you all for reassuring me I aren't cracking up! Past couple of days been a bit better. Went to the doc for some test results (UTI thing) and ended up crying about DH's SA results. Didn't even go to the doctor about that! Felt a bit daft but he was so sweet and understanding that I felt a lot better afterwards. 

Wendy, well done on starting your injections   I get a bit of S.A.D evry year too. Have one of those natural light lamps that I have on whilst I get ready in the mornings and it seems to help a bit. I hope you are still feeling positive   Let us know how you get on xxxx


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## ♥keepinghope♥ (Nov 28, 2006)

hello and welcome

sorry your feeling so bad.its a shock you have had, this site is a great link for support and you will find that you are not alone, many of the girls with advise. and you should try to make an app to talk to someone asap about what tx is best for you.

good luck keepinghope xx


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