# 7-week miscarriage



## Curly_Jay (Apr 2, 2013)

Hiya all,

I need to vent out a bit and also needs words of comfort and hope.

DH had a vasectomy 8 years ago.  On the Saturday 23rd March he had his sperm biopsy and at the same time my donor was having her eggs collected.  She managed to produce 17 eggs and 13 were injected.  Next day the embryologist called us to say that only 1 egg had survived and was dividing okay.  He suggested I had the transfer done at day 2, on Monday 25th March.  That same day I started with the progesterone pessaries and carried on with my hormone patches.  After the dreaded 2ww I tested positive!  Everyone at the clinic was on a high and we were ecstatic, as we never thought we would get that lucky first time round and with 1 embryo only.

I was very well monitored at the clinic with scans every week. Near to week 6 the doctor could not hear the heartbeat, but she discarded it saying that sometimes it’s better to wait a further week.  We left the clinic a little apprehensive but trying to keep ourselves positive.  Next appointment the doctor confirmed that there was no heartbeat, and she told me to stop all the medications and wait for the miscarriage.  Friday 3rd May I had to go to hospital as the miscarriage was starting and I was bleeding very heavily and the pain was horrible.

Last Monday we went for a scan checkup to see if everything had flushed away, and the dreaded talk came.  To cut the long story short the doctor was saying the DH sperm was of poor quality and that if we wanted to conceive that we would need donors on both ends.  It was extremely hard to get my head round with 1 donor but now with 2 it is something I cannot come to terms with.  All I have been doing since Monday is cry inconsolably… 

We still have 2 more tries under government funding, and I am all muddled up and can’t even think straight or positively.

Anybody on this forum has happy ending stories?  I would appreciate them very much.

Curly_Jay xx


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## Jacobsmum (Feb 23, 2013)

Hi there Curly-Jay

first of all, I am so sorry that you have had a miscarriage. It is awful at any time, but I think especially when you have needed doctor's help to get pregnant in the first place. Take care of yourself and your partner - a miscarriage can be hard on both of you, especially if DH feels he has to 'be strong' for you.

Secondly, yes, there are lots of happy endings on this forum! I am single, so in a different position to you, but it took 7 and a half years, 8 donor inseminations, 5 IUIs, 6 own egg IVFs, 2 miscarriages and then 1 double donor IVF to get there, but I did it and it was worth it. I could go on a lot more about bits of it, if you want more information, but basically sometimes you are just unlucky.

It probably doesn't feel that hopeful now, but from your post I can see quite a few positives:
(i) you were treated well by the clinic and seem confident in their care.
(ii) you have got pregnant - it is hard to see this as a positive when you've just had a miscarriage, but I tried to think of it as a sign that my body _could_ get pregnant, and that next time, I just needed to work on _staying_ pregnant.... For me, that meant double donor.
(iii) you have funding to try again. This means you are not getting into financial difficulties with more treatment - just one source of stress to avoid!

It isn't even a week yet since your miscarriage, so don't rush into any decisions. Did you see a counsellor at your clinic before you had treatment? How was it? I only ask because I found it very helpful - as a singlie, I didn't have a partner to talk to about treatment, and friends were useful up to a point, but I found the counsellor was brilliant. I got quite depressed (signed off work and on pills depressed) for a while, and it was all about treatment failure. Seeing her helped me get a bit of perspective back, and enabled me to carry on without it 'taking over' my whole life. She also specialised in fertility issues, so knew and understood stuff. It's not for everyone though.

Find what works for you, and remember that if you are going down the double donor route you don't have the same time pressure - taking 'time off' for a few months to get back to feeling good about yourself and your relationship. Thinking straight will come back - but you are probably still dealing with pregnancy hormones in your system, which (in my experience) doesn't help. Crying is a normal and natural and healthy thing to be doing when you experience such a devastating loss - not just the pregnancy, but the idea of it working with your genetic material (or DH's). As for the thinking positively, hopefully more people will reply on here, but there is a whole thread for pregnancy and parenting after donor treatment - so it worked for all of them!

I hope that you can get through the grieving for this pregnancy and that the future will bring you every success with treatment and joy in your family.
all best wishes
Jacob's mum xxx


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## Curly_Jay (Apr 2, 2013)

Dear Jacobsmum,

Thank you so much for your lovely words, everything you say makes sense.  I’ve read your replies on other topics and you have such a calming and positive way with your words, wish I had them too.

I have been very lucky to get pregnant first time round.  I read other members’ signatures and that is a merit for perseverance, I take my hat off to all these ladies and their partners, and that includes you Jacobsmum  

Today I am feeling a little better, DH and I went out last night for a meal.  We actually dragged ourselves out of the house because we are absolutely shattered.  We have parked the issue for a little while as we need to get our thoughts and emotions together, and when the time is right we will decide what option is best for us.

I will definitely look at the thread you mention.  I usually start really well reading a certain topic and after a while I get sidetracked at reading other topics.  There is so much information in the forum!

Thanks again Jacobsmum, have a great day  

Curly_Jay xx


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

You have to take time to grieve the baby you lost. You have to take time to grieve the future babies that it sounds like the clinic are saying are not possible. 

Once you have grieved then you will be in a better position to embrace the baby you CAN have.

To have 17 eggs and only one fertilise does sound like a major issue either with eggs, sperm or both. Perhaps a compatability issue or genetic problem.

In my donor sperm cycles I got 75-100% fertilisation.

I also lost my first baby at 17 weeks. It was too small from the first scan but kept growing and did not die until the second trimester. As you can probably guess I was totally devastated. 

But as you can see from my signature, I tried again and I have a nearly 2 year old and have just got pregnant again with my frozen embryo. 

You will get through this


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## Curly_Jay (Apr 2, 2013)

Hiya Mistletoe,

thanks for your message.  My head is a mess and my emotions are all over the place.  I hope to feel better soon, I just can't be bothered with people telling me to snap out of things.  If it were that easy I would have already done so, I hate feeling this way.

Curly_Jay xx


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