# Donor Egg - Usual Clinic Processess (am I being taken for a ride!!)



## Flora the flamingo (Jun 25, 2018)

We have recently started to think about DE and had an appointment/ scan with the London Egg Bank.

The consultation was online and somewhat disappointing; 

The medic clearly hadn't read the 12 pages (!) of medical history that we spent ages submitting, 
Was totally lacking in human skills/ empathy, it honestly felt like a business meeting ;/
Told us absolutely nothing new & she spent ages telling us things that we would obviously have known (having done 7(!) previous cycles..

The thing that really got me was being effectively told that I was old and broken. She was very fixated on me being a 'high risk' patient because I am 'old' (40!), have endometriosis and a history of possible Guillain Barre syndrome when I was 25. Apparently I have to meet with MY neurologist OR obstetrician (I have neither, who does!!) and discuss my risks before I can be signed off. Oh and if I don't have an obstetrician luckily they have one in house :/

A history of Guillan Barre does not affect pregnancy in any way. 
I imagine that MANY DE patients are >40 and have a history of endometriosis. 

I have a very suspicious mind. Essentially is this just a sneaky way to have me pay for another consultation?

If I don't like or am not impressed by a clinician is that a good enough reason to not use the clinic. Or am I being silly and over dramatic!?

If you have got to the end, bravo and thank-you!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hmmm no sounds like you've been given a load of waffle.

As you say of course most people using DE are 40+
.(and 40 also really isn't old).
A obstetrician and neurologist?? No one just has these people at their disposal. 

Not sure who you spoke to but they sound like they are on different plannet.


If you are dead set on having treatment in the UK (and I understand many want to due to potential child being able to trace donor at eighteen) perhaps try Alturi or a clinic who has their own pool of egg donors. I beleive Care do.

Otherwise clinics in Spain ,Greece and the czech Republic will be able to find you a donor almost immediately and let you get on with treatment ASAP without a load of non- sensical hoop jumping. I went to Reprofit on Czech and couldn't recommend them enough. 

Best of luck


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## katehe (Mar 27, 2011)

I think they don't like their stats being affected. We have male if factor and went though LWC /LEB last year..they were fairly reluctant to go ahead and i found the whole process lacking in empathy.


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## Flora the flamingo (Jun 25, 2018)

Thank-you both so much for your replies!


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## Flora the flamingo (Jun 25, 2018)

I think we have decided to look elsewhere. I really don't want to fund a clinic that I don't believe. And if they ask I will tell them why.
You would hope that fertility services would be empathetic as a minimum, but clearly this is not always the case.
I am honestly quite disappointed; I have spent ages looking at the egg donor profiles, was super impressed by how kind some of the donors sounded.
But if the clinic can't wow us at this stage, at the very very beginning then I don't hold much hope. 

I honestly hadn't given much thought to overseas clinics but I might have a look - thank-you!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Your investing alot in this. Emotionally and financially . Please don't put your money into a clinic that don't inspire 100% faith and trust. Any doubts strike them off. 
Do have a look at lister, crgw and Bcrm. They all have their own in house donors.

Otherwise I'm afraid I'm biased but clinics in the EU would be my go to.
All of which have English speaking co ordinators 

Best of luck x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

So sorry you had this experience. I'm waiting for a first consultation with them myself and I'm nearly 50. There are very limited options for known donors in the UK. Don't let this experience get you down. It won't affect your chances to try for your family, and it may be better to have this experience early on with the clinic, rather than find out weeks down the track when you've already spent more money.

One thing I did think of is the possibility of using an egg donor from Cryos, but I'm not sure if there are other clinics in the UK who might allow this? I know London Egg Bank don't. This might give you some more options, as then you're looking for a great clinic but can provide the egg donation side of things yourself. Cryos donors say if they are open ID donors or not, so no issue there. 

I have thought of Alturi but I got the impression that there are long waiting lists to start treatment there and I only have a few months before 50 now. I gather at 50 I need to go overseas and look for an anonymous donor.

Keep us posted on where you go to next and how you find them. I hope you find somewhere you're happy with soon. X


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## Babiblue (May 13, 2021)

pattycake said:


> So sorry you had this experience. I'm waiting for a first consultation with them myself and I'm nearly 50. There are very limited options for known donors in the UK. Don't let this experience get you down. It won't affect your chances to try for your family, and it may be better to have this experience early on with the clinic, rather than find out weeks down the track when you've already spent more money.
> 
> One thing I did think of is the possibility of using an egg donor from Cryos, but I'm not sure if there are other clinics in the UK who might allow this? I know London Egg Bank don't. This might give you some more options, as then you're looking for a great clinic but can provide the egg donation side of things yourself. Cryos donors say if they are open ID donors or not, so no issue there.
> 
> ...


You can go with the fertiltilty group in the Uk as they work up to 55 if you have a doctor and hospital that will support you in your pregnancy. Mammogram blood tests. The same with LWC.

Egg bank and clinic.
You got me started . I dont want to say where but we are with a UK clinic that will accept us after all the tests. We picked and paid for the donor to provide eggs and she was happy to go in Jan then heard nothing from clinic or the egg bank. Rang the clinic to say what is going on only to find that the donor missed all the appointments and did not contact the clinic to say sorry not going head. Paid the egg bank and now 6months on and no eggs no donor as we cannot trust the donor now and in limbo. 
My age is against me big time. Contacted the egg bank and told there is no one that looks like me on their books. What do we do now? So fed up. 
Anyone have any names of recognized donor egg bank in the Uk as looking for UK irish background so fair brown hair and green eyes. Told they are hard to find.


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Think about the features that are really important to you. They may be physical or otherwise. I’ve seen genes throw a curve ball in families where children look like relatives from earlier generations and not their parents/grandparents etc. there are no guarantees! Irish looking donors are not so rare, keep looking. Xx


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## Babiblue (May 13, 2021)

pattycake said:


> Think about the features that are really important to you. They may be physical or otherwise. I’ve seen genes throw a curve ball in families where children look like relatives from earlier generations and not their parents/grandparents etc. there are no guarantees! Irish looking donors are not so rare, keep looking. Xx


Thanks for your thoughts on this. 
In my his family and mine you can see the genetics on each generation. His the eyes and the bridge of his nose. Going back 5 generations and you see it. 
In mine you see the curly brown or blonde hair, with green or blue eyes. 
It is just so frustrating when you are waiting for a donor and you are not guaranteed the donor will follow through. They can change their mind at any time. The donor bank find a donor, have your money and then nothing. 
Features are important to a certain extent but there is a big difference when your donor is not similar in height, features etc. I know there is nature verses nurture debate. 
I have read that your body decides the characteristics from the genes and if your partner has stronger genes then the baby more than likely would look like them. There is a big difference is being offered a donor that does not look like you. Maybe I am looking into it too much but getting frustrated.


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Babiblue said:


> Thanks for your thoughts on this.
> In my his family and mine you can see the genetics on each generation. His the eyes and the bridge of his nose. Going back 5 generations and you see it.
> In mine you see the curly brown or blonde hair, with green or blue eyes.
> It is just so frustrating when you are waiting for a donor and you are not guaranteed the donor will follow through. They can change their mind at any time. The donor bank find a donor, have your money and then nothing.
> ...



No I get it. I too have very strong familial features that go right back for generations. I'm looking at donors where you get such a small about of physical info. Then if you "favourite" the donor you can ask if they have had children and if they look like you (from a photo you send in). But really, the person has never met me, probably never met the donor and is making a huge decision on a couple of photos and what they think you look like. 
I can't imagine how hard it is to be waiting like you are. Are you able to ask for your money back and move on-if you wanted to do that?
I've heard about the epigenetics bit as well.

I think the thing for me is not getting too caught up on the measurements and the features, because I'm going to love the child. There are some interesting interviews with early donors with kids that look nothing like them and they are very close as parent/sibling.


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## BabyWanted! (Sep 6, 2019)

Flora the flamingo said:


> We have recently started to think about DE and had an appointment/ scan with the London Egg Bank.
> 
> The consultation was online and somewhat disappointing;
> 
> ...


Hi there. Relationships between patients and clinics are very important, otherwise, conflicts will arise. Maybe you were stuck with a staff member who had a bad day? Either way, you are most likely better off with another clinic if you are to encounter that same person all throughout your treatment. We had our treatment overseas, cheaper yet they are highly recommended.


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## ozziechick (10 mo ago)

pattycake said:


> So sorry you had this experience. I'm waiting for a first consultation with them myself and I'm nearly 50. There are very limited options for known donors in the UK. Don't let this experience get you down. It won't affect your chances to try for your family, and it may be better to have this experience early on with the clinic, rather than find out weeks down the track when you've already spent more money.
> 
> One thing I did think of is the possibility of using an egg donor from Cryos, but I'm not sure if there are other clinics in the UK who might allow this? I know London Egg Bank don't. This might give you some more options, as then you're looking for a great clinic but can provide the egg donation side of things yourself. Cryos donors say if they are open ID donors or not, so no issue there.
> 
> ...


Hi patty cake, hope you are doing ok, which clinic did you decide on


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