# initial advice



## tinkfc (Jun 26, 2012)

hi
am a complete newbie here although i have been lurking for a while. me + my partner are keen to adopt and have received our info pack. prior to being invited to an adoption event, they wish to talk to us first to answer our questions and establish our current situation. my query is although me and my partner have a number of questions regarding the grey areas of our adoption pack should we ask these now or wait and try and ask them at the adoption event whenwe are better informed of their expectations of us?

also what advice would you wonderful ladies have for a complete newbie like me?

thanks
t


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Hi tinkfc and welcome,

I am in a very similar situation to yourselves. DH and I are just beginning, we have been to several open events in different LA/VA's.  The format of the open evenings differed completely, some were really informal and you felt you could ask questions but some were more formal and i waited to speak to a sw at the end. We felt we still needed a chance to ask some of our own questions and like you, clarify some grey areas - this is why we are currently waiting for SW's from a few to come to the house to visit before we decide which to go with. 

I found the open evenings good in as much as they gave me a feel for the diff la's and how they do things but i didnt really learn anything new - (TBH I have learnt loads more reading this site  ) 

If I were you I would ask all I could when you have your visit because if you are anything like me you will think of tumps more questions you would like to ask as a result of the visit anyway. At least then you will have 2 opportunities and 1 being in the comfort of it being just DH, the SW and yourself. 

Hope this helps      take care


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## tinkfc (Jun 26, 2012)

thanks flash
speaking to them at home would have been preferable bt my la wont allow you to attend an opening evening without this phone conversation in the first place. i am concerned that if we ask to much prior to being invited to an open evening that we may rub up the sw the wrong way bt i also dont want to seem uninterested and them not invite us to attend either. 
i maybe worrying over nothing i just want to put our best foot forward and  was a little surprised by them wanting to discuss our situation etc prior to the openevening as i thought this didnt happen until after then 
t
x


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi Tink

Welcome! This is a great site and is proving invaluable to me throughout my journey, lots of great people with some great advice x

Me and my DH enquired about adoption In August last year, we phoned around several agencies and found it to be very difficult as everyone seemed to be unhelpful, particularly LAs unless we would consider 'harder to place' children. Thankfully I was persistant and eventually got through to a great VA who have been amazing.

The VA of our choice gave me a telephone interview, 20 minutes or so and then from that decided if they wanted to come and do a home visit, which they did. In November we had our first home visit which consisted of 2 SW coming and seeing our home and talking to me and dh for about 2 hours about why we want to adopt, our journey so far etc. Following the initial visit we were invited to prep courses, which took place in May/June. We are now going through HS with a fabulous SW and it is all going swimmingly at the moment (touch wood).

My advice to you would be do as much research as you can, post some questions on here and get some advice from people going through the same thing, but at the same time - if you have a question don't be afraid to ask the agency! The agency are there to help, not catch you out. They may 'push' you a little for you to prove that you're really interested. 

Hope this helps, any questions just ask. Good luck chick x x


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Ihave spoke to many LA and they are all different. 1 meeting that I went to have a very large group of people, and there was room for questions, but felt that I couldnt ask in a large group. Then the other was one to one and I asked loads of questions.

Im sure the SW wont mind if you ask questions, I think they would be worried if you didnt. Write down any questions that you think of. Like they said before post them on here. 

Sometimes you just need someone to clarify what you are thinking. The forum is great for that.

Good luck with your journey. XXX


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## tinkfc (Jun 26, 2012)

Thanks girls
I think part of my concerns are that I have had dealings with my la s/s + I haven't got on with them most of the time although I stil feel this was for good reason. 
The main issues I were thinking of were regarding what is their expectation of space from us ie garden and bedrooms. what are their requirements in terms of finance + savings? What are there guidelines ie health and weight + r there certain conditions that automatically rule us out of adopting? + if there are things that we must do ie moving does this have to happen prior to initial application or can it be done during hs or prior to matching?
These are the most important ones I can think of . What do you ladies think?
X


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

welcome, this site is invaluable and a great source of support we started our journey just over 2yrs a go with a VA and had similar questions
ideally a bedroom for each child, some sort of garden is preferred but won't rule you out ours is small, but you will compensate for this by explaining about nearby parks etc that you will go to
as finances show that you can cope you have though about budgeting and that you can cope with loss of earnings while on leave
weight - a sensible BMI - you will have to have a medical which you will pay for
any convictions against children, vulnerable adults will rule you out immediately
we had builders in during HS but before matching everything will have to be done as LOs SW will visit and possibly assess
your thinking ahead they like that shows you are planning and preparing, see if your SW can put you in touch with a couple that has adopted to see it in action so to speak we did this and it was a great help


best of luck on your journey its long and emotional but worthwhile


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## tinkfc (Jun 26, 2012)

thanks julesf
so is it possible to move prior to panel should we get that far + its deemed necessary? 
no convictions so that is nothing we have to worry about
is there a set way that finances are assessed - ie bank statements or completing a standard form?
our bmis are a little high but this is something we are addressing so am hoping they would immediately count us out for that.

i am sorry for all these what must seem silly questions bt i like to be prepared for as many possibilities as i am able to be so that hopefully the SW wont come out with anything i am unprepared for
x


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi and welcome to the forum, 

Don't worry, on this forum there is no such thing as a silly question - it's just individual concerns!   and I'm sure there will be someone to give advice.

You are right to want to learn as much about the process as possible, it's only natural. Best of luck with your journey


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

I looked at moving a few months back and was concerned about how it would affect the adoption so I asked the VA and they sadi it was fine, however they wanted to see some stability. But if you're moving to a bigger house for your future children, and not moving away from your support network then it will fine.

We were asked if we considered ourselves financially stable at the initial interview and if we had considerable debts, we said no (other than a credit card and a loan which was taken out to pay for a car....but we pay them back comfortably).

When completing our homestudy pack we need to list all of our incomings and outgoings now and in the future, so we did for me taking 1 year off, then returning to work: full time, part time, not returning to work. We also had to list how we will adjust our lifestyles and how will affect finances. So far we haven't had to prove anything but I believe that our SW will want to see bills, bank statements and evidence of any savings but she will ot perform a credit check. They expect people to be rolling in money, you simply need to show that you will not face financial hardship when you have children, i.e. you can afford to pay bills, pay any debt, buy food, clothes etc.

BMIs....mine and DH's BMI is high (was 43, now 39) but we both have normal BP and cholestral and we have been open about it so far they do not consider it a problem as we are doing something about it, howeve rthat being said I still worry as we have not had our medicals yet. But...a girl on here has a high BMI and she had her medical and it went well, so now I'm not worried half as much. By looking at me people can see that I'm a big girl, and our SW keeps saying that they wouldn't have took me this far if they were worried. I know it's easier said than done (and rich coming from me but try not to worry about it)

Your questions are not silly at all....infact they are identical to the questions I had in the beginning.

If you have any more, no matter how silly you think they are...post them, we're all happy to help. We're all going through the same journey x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

After we had been approved but prior to matching the house next door to us came up for sale, we asked what would happen were we to move and the SW told us she'd inspect the new house but nothing more than a minor amendment to our report.
The other house has a garden (we have a paved yard) but it wasn't ideal in other ways. We have a lovely play park at the end of the street and our SW saw that this could be excellent for a child.


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

cantwaittobeamummy

I just read your post and make thingd in my situation alot clearer. Thankyou.

tinkfc any questions just post them on here. were all here to support each other xxx


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## tinkfc (Jun 26, 2012)

Thanks for the advice ladies.
Having had a look through the board I have found something called settling in allowance. Who is entitled to this? + how much is it usually?
X


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