# Adoption buddies - starting 2014



## mamu

I hope it's ok for me to open this thread?

We have been in contact with a few agencies already and two stand out. Both would like us to start early next year: one in January, the other in February. 

We are so excited! I am currently reading lots of blogs and books, am looking for opportunities to volunteer and have enrolled to do a first aid course for babies and children in December. I can't wait to finally get started. 

Is there anyone who is going to start early next year, too?


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## Arrows

Hiya,
we already have one adopted son and will likely be starting the process to adopt no 2 in Feb.


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## mamu

That's fantastic! The second time round it should go much faster, I understand? Aah, I can't wait!


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## Arrows

I have to contend with still settling into a new job, a child starting the terrible twos (constant hitting, headbutting, tantrums and just started biting), in-laws coming to stay, Christmas with insane family and moving house before we start so enough to keep me busy at any rate!!!
We get to miss out stage 1 so only take us 4mths to get approved but generally longer to find the right child if you have one at home already.
Good luck with everything! Start your journey now by gathering together every address and workplace for the past 10yrs minimum, get fit if you're not, write a list of everyone (incl. FF) who will offer you support and how, do a family tree up to great grandparents -if they're alive, occupation, and particularly focus on those you will have regular contract with, invite friends over who have kids 6mths-6yrs to discover all the ways your house is not child friendly and either fix or think of ways you could (we had to put extra bars on our stairs, child locks, gates etc., sort out your finances and work out a projected incomings / outgoing sheet to give them (don't forget you'll get child benefit)... That's all I can think of for now!!!


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## mamu

@ Arrows
Have you started already? I am so sorry I missed your reply! We have now started and are in the middle of stage one. Do you have to do all of stage 2 again? 

Maybe there are some more future adopters who have only just started or are going to start, soon? It would be lovely to have some buddies in the same boat


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## Arrows

Hiya Mamu,
We've got our DBS done a couple of weeks ago and just filled out of expression of interest form today. Feeling a bit frustrated that they've sent us that one rather than a formal application as they'd already said we could proceed. 
We get to skip the prep course and condense the homestudy but we still need updated medicals, references and finances etc. I guess we'll be aiming for a July-ish panel. It's really just a case of updating our profile but we've already redone our finances and family life statements in preparation so not a lot to do. 
From what I understand most 2nd time adopters have only had 4 homestudy sessions. Fingers crossed it'll go quickly! There are a number of 2nd timers at the moment but I'm generally using the spring/ summer thread. Not posted a lot yet as not really started!
As I've got a copy of our PAR we can just update the relevant bits in advance ready to give and discuss with our SW but we've got the same one as last time so she knows us well anyhow.


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## mamu

I still get confused when I am trying to keep up and remember who's who, as so many users, but that's fantastic of course! My fingers are crossed for you. We are not sure whether we want two in one go or one at a time. Both have advantages. Did you know from the start that you wanted more than one?

We got our DBS back today, much quicker than expected. I am thinking of calling the agency, to let them know. Just because I need a reason to call, really. Then again, I don't want to bother them. Hmmm, difficult decision


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## Primmer

Mamu - I would contact sw to let them know you received your DBS back as our VA said that they won't automatically receive a copy of ours and we need to scan abc email ours to them when we receive it. Our DBS was submitted on 9 December and we haven't heard back yet which is frustrating! 

We have 4 day prep course in march and they will be sending us our application form shortly. We gave already completed interesr forms and chronologies.


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## mamu

Wow, we were really lucky with ours, then! It only took about three weeks. I heard that it can vary hugely though, nothing to worry about. It's still frustrating though. Fingers crossed yours arrive soon.


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## Petite One

Hello Mamu.  Good luck with the process. Keep copies of everything you send out.

We're about to start home study and am hoping to get some advice about what we can start doing. I've started a thread on it.


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## mamu

Hi Petite one, I found your thread. Very helpful! I have written so much for our workbook already, it feels like half a PAR to me (not knowing what the PAR looks like of course   ). Good luck with stage 2! When is your first meeting? Do you have any more prep days?

I just bought another book on attachment, called "Attachment in Common Sense and Doodles - A practical guide". It promises a nice and quick read. That's my task for today (half tern break)


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## Petite One

Meeting is soon. We've prepared some things already, but really want to get that Par From / Home Study thread going so that we can all gain some useful tips. There's so much to think about and do. 

Good luck mamu.


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## Alabama

Hi mamu, my husband and I are starting out on our Adoption journey and are hoping to attend a pre-approval course in March through our Local Trust.  Wishing you all the best in your journey and thank you for starting this thread. x


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## mamu

Hi Alabama
All the best for you, too! And welcome on this thread. I am sure we can help each other stay sane


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## Lorella

Hi Mamu,
Thanks for inviting me over! 
I've just been on half term too (teacher) but mostly been scrolling through adoption forums!
We have our 3 prep dates in March. All forms back. When I phoned on Monday she said just waiting for one reference but assured me was def on prep and waiting to be allocated a slot for end of stage 1 meeting. Could be before or after prep! Hope it's before! 
Am bit worried about this last reference as it's been sent to a house I nannied at 20 yrs ago! I don't even think they live there anymore! Hope it's not gonna cause a problem. 
We had to post our DBS forms to the adoption office for them to be checked and then they sent them back. 
Good luck 
Xxx


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## lil&#039; one

Hi
Can i be your buddy, too?  
We have had our first interview and have just sent off our ROI paperwork,
Lil' one


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## mamu

Hi, welcome lil' one   Lovely name! Fingers crossed you hear back quickly! Do you know dates already?


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## mamu

We are determined to finish off our workbook this weekend. Fingers crossed... How is everyone else doing?


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## Cassie78

Hiya everyone. Is it okay if I join you and follow your journeys? Me and DH are just waiting to go to adoption info evening this month so were very early in the process but would love to share Tver journey.


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## Nixienoo

Hello All

We are also very early on in the process, just filling out our ROI and DBS forms and will be taking them in on Wednesday.

Really looking forward to getting started and joining you all on the journey!


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## Loki Girl

Hi everyone - and hi Cassie!! I found the thread obviously so thank you for pointing me in the right direction!

We haven't started yet either as I am still getting over my 5th failed IVF attempt.  We went to an info evening in Dec and it all seemed really good and positive but we wanted to have the last IVF go before heading down the adoption route.  We will prob try and make 1st enquiries about May time if I'm feeling ok with everything. That will be 4mths after our last IVF so hopefully they will be ok with that.  Am starting to feel more positive that this is the way to our forever family.

Looking forward to knowing you all and hopefully we can all help each other on another new adventure!!


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## Cassie78

Hiya Loki! I've just read our LA advise a 12month wait! Yes 12months!! Luckily I'm between two LAs and the other only requires 6months so all is not lost.  I'm still going to the info evening for the other LA though cos I can ask them if we could possibly start sooner. Good luck everyone xxx


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## Loki Girl

Yes ours said 6mths Cassie but when we went to the info she said there were no hard and fast rules. We were honest about going for the last attempt and she said after 5 attempts we will prob go into it without many hopes so we mite not need the full 6mths. We'd prob already dealt with coming to terms with this might not happen which we had started to think. They look at each situation independently and when we felt we were ready to get in touch with them. Can't believe some authority's still insist on 12mths!! I get some people may need that but it shouldn't be a hard and fast rule. You are right tho I would def go and speak to them they may not stick to it diligently if they get the impression you have moved on.


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## becs40

Hi we've just been accepted onto stage 1. We got the letter on Saturday and our referees have already been contacted for their references. We have our first prep day next Friday. We went to the adoption open evening on 4th feb so it seems to be moving very fast so far. 
We had our last ivf in November so only 3 months before we formally applied and they chatted about it to us at our initial 1-2-1 with sw before applying and she was happy enough for us to apply. Our LA also said no hard and fast rules about time after treatment that it was judged on a case by case basis.


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## mamu

Our LA said 12 months on their website, but I gave them a call after 3, just to find out more about them and to see whether they are worth waiting for. It turned out that they are flexible and in the end we waited 7, because Christmas was in the way. 

We had our 1st prep course day at the end of January. And now nothing happens. We are just waiting and waiting and waiting for our medical to come back (our LA doesn't proceed to stage two or even the end of stage one interview without the medical). We read books and keep changing our workbook (which we filled in on the computer) and simply pass the time... I called two weeks ago and they said there were going to call us with news last week. I called again last Friday, still nothing.  

Becs, that's great! We got a letter from our LA apologising for delays due to the new timescales, which are causing chaos. Yours seem to have adapted well. Fingers crossed it'll stay this way   Enjoy your prep day next week. I really liked it. It was great to get started and meet other prospective adopters.

Good luck everyone


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## Primmer

We signed and returned our stage 1 agreement. We have the first two days of our prep course next tue and weds and then the last 2 days are on 26 & 27 March. 

Our references are being contacted and we need to arrange our medicals. We are still waiting for our DBS Searches back despite submitting them at the beginning of December. 

We have done our chronology and now need to do our family tree and Eco Map. 

We have a reading list for stage 1 and a reading list for prep course do pretty heavy going on the reading front!


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## Lorella

Hi ladies,
Hope everyone's ok. 

Mamu - oh man! Sorry you still haven't heard anything. Know how you feel. At least they have acknowledged they are at fault. What LA are you? Hope you hear soon. 

Lokisgirl - we went full steam ahead into our adoption plans. Our 2nd IVF failure was last April and we got straight on the phone to LA and booked to go on adoption info session in June. When it got to it we didn't feel ready to go at all. So we took time out until November.. When we went then we were so excited! We didn't feel that before. We def needed that 6 months in between but everyone is different 😊. Good luck 

Becs - great news !

Hi to everyone else 👋

I am feeling a bit more excited today as our preparing to adopt workbook has come through the post, ready for our prep days on 17/18/27 of March. Still no news on end if stage 1 meeting date! Apparently everything is waiting to be allocated and will  know more on Monday!

xxx


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## becs40

I'm prepared for it to slow down but I think they seem well organised and want to get the bits done quickly that they have control over. Our la were already pretty close to the new timescales before they were introduced and when they were there was additional funding for them. They have used that funding for additional sw's to keep on top of it so they're confident they'll keep achieving them. Fingers crossed, on the one hand 6 months seems so long but on the other I'm sure it will fly by. 
At least we are looking towards our future as a family again and will be ready for it whenever it happens.


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## Cassie78

Becs - your LA sound very organised.  
Mamu - good to know you didn't have to wait the 12months.  Is it not your Dr who's delaying the medical . How big is the workbook? 
I have very recently reduced my working hours to 30hrs a week sounds like I will need it with all this extra work it seems we have to do.
I'm waiting for info evening next month and praying they allow us to start sooner. If not I'll have to go to the other LA.


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## mamu

Our joint one is almost 60 pages long, but with lots of information in it, not just questions. The second adopter's one is quite a bit shorter, it has fewer questions (some questions need to be answered as a couple and are only in one book) and not the added info material. Still, it takes time to fill in properly and we constantly question whether what we filled in is what they're after. We just want to get it right. Our GP sent the medical off weeks ago, it's now with our agency's medical adviser.


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## teamug

Hi, we are in the early stages on stage one, done medicals, and started on completing "home work" forms. How did you go about getting your DBS ? I have phoned them and they tell me I need a reference number/name from the LA we are with, I send our SW an e mail a week ago and got nothing back yet ?


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## Freedo

Hi all, thank you Loki for my pm, that meant a lot. xx

I hope you don't mind me joining you, I am not new to ff but new to this section of it. I am 39( almost 40!) DH is 40 and I have had 3 negative cycles, icsi, 1st one 1 egg zero fert, 2nd, 3 eggs, 1 fert but didn't survive it transfer, 3rd, 3 eggs, 1 transferred but bled before test day, I have severe endo and can't put myself through any more tax, physically and mentally.  I never wanted to consider adoption until I had to, which now really I do! DH didn't even want to consider or talk about until recently, when he agreed to read a pack which he did,  I work for a LA and walk passed adoption office every day which is hard! Last week I was in the loo and one of the SW I know so plucked up the courage to ask a few things! , I am still not 100% but she said that is perfectly natural! I have a lot of fears/uncertainty about having to have contact with BF, having LO then being contested, would I love it as I should ( which I know I would but everything running through mind!!) , does this seem normal But on the other hand I know we would make such good parents we have nice home, financially stable and lots of love. Well the sw I spoke to is com g to speak to us next Tuesday after work to talk to us about everything, which is a start! We wouldn't be starting to around June time as I am 40 in May and doing lots and lots!! 

Thanks 

Xxxx


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## Cassie78

Hi freedo  The SW sounds lovely who's coming to see you.  It's ilkley I will be starting in May time.  Although a girl i pmd said our LA are quite strict on the 12month wait.  If they are I may go with another LA which is probably smaller but only requires 6months.  I think it's normal to have those feelings. Everyone must feel the same way but once you have the child home all the worries will dissapear.  I also think about BF but I guess it's what's best for the child.  I am just really excited about it all now and so glad I don't have any more blooming IVF!!!!!


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## Cassie78

Teamug - I don't know how to get the DBS but I do know they can take a while to be processed so get onto the SW again a week is too long when you only need their ref number.  Could you phone the LA you are with and ask someone in the offices?


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## Loki Girl

Freedo - glad you found it!! Didnt want to post on the actual forum. But thought this thread might be useful. 

I understand the 12mth thing Cassie. In some cases people need it but a lot of people once they have decided to move on its the right decision. Our local LA said they will judge every case individually. Some might need the 6mths others won't. It made me feel confident with them that they are not just following the hard and fast rule of one rule fits all like previously but are willing to look at each family differently. 

I have been excited and wanting to start then yesterday bam hit a bump. One of my friends is pregnant. She hasn't had it easy, took her 4yrs to conceive her son and another 3 to conceive this one including a 12 week miscarriage. She is due in June. Therre are 4 of us who always go out and they all have kids but the kids being older doesn't bother me. However yesterday when my pregnant friend text me to go out but said she would understand if it was too soon I just burst into tears!!! Really really want to go out but thought I can't face being faced with a pregnant lady all night and all the baby and pregnancy talk!!! I was gutted to think actually proves I am not ready yet. DH was great and pointed out it had only been just over a month since our negative result so he said he thinks we are doing well and got another 2mths to go. No time limit there then Hun lol!! But anyways I got over it pretty quickly just a few tears whilst texting her. I think more of it is I hate feeling like this and wonder if there will ever be a point in my life that I will actually be a mummy and can stop looking at every single family we see wishing it could be us. I totally understand your fears Freedo. Think we all go through it. I guess after so many failures in IVF it frightens me to think what if they didn't think we were good enough?!!! I know we have a lot of good things going for us so am trying to concentrate on that. 

Anyways will stop rambling lol. I think I just need a bit more time and I'm ok with that. 

I am doing lots of reading and they do recommend contacting a few agencies anyways Cassie. Not sure we will. Our LA is small but we have already met the social workers that work there and they all seem lovely. Our worry is being smaller there aren't as many children and also if there aren't as many adopters would that mean that these courses could be delayed till they have enough people. Our bigger council who we also saw is Birmingham. They said they have lots more children needing adoption but surely that means there are more adopters too? Also though it wouldn't bother me in birmingham there must be a higher ratio of multi cultural children and I know they prob like to place children with the same culture etc if they can. So wouldn't that then work out prob about the same as a smaller council? So anyways all decisions to be made later!!!!

Well better go and walk the dog. Take care ladies xx


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## Lorella

Loki girl - I know how you feel and it sucks. These things always seem to happen at a time when it hurts the most. Hugs. 

We have day 1 and 2 of our 3 day prep course tomorrow and tues. 
Have been feeling so positive but am annoyed that I am feeling nervous and letting doubts creep back in. I hope that tomorrow will lift me back up again. 
Hi to all and sorry for being a bit down in my post. 
Xxx 
Ps Freedo - I have same feelings so hope it's just part of process. Good luck x


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## Primmer

Lorella we had our first two days of four day prep course last week and whilst some of it was hard going I really enjoyed it and it did make it feel more real and that this could really happen. Our last two days are at end if this month.


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## rsm

Hi ladies

So glad I found this thread and hope it's ok to join in. 

We've just been accepted into Stage 1 and waiting for the workbook to be sent in the post. It's been emailed in advance so I've had a look through and am already completely overwhelmed!!! Am I the only one that went into panic zone when seeing the workbook?

For those of you who have nearly finished it or have completed it do you have any advice as to how to go about tackling it? It just seems so daunting at the moment - I'm not good when I have forms to fill out!!

Xx


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## babas

The workbook thing really intrigues me as we never had one!


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## Freedo

Hi all, hope you are all ok. We have just got back from a long weekend visiting friends, and lots of babies! So many thoughts and emotions going through my mind, Social worker calls at 4.30 pm tomorrow, will update after she has been. Xxxx


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## Loki Girl

Good luck Freedo. Sure it will be fine. Can't wait to hear if u can get started!! It does sound like a lot of homework. I like writing things down but think DH will struggle. He's a computer programmer and everything has to be done on the computer. He hates writing anything, he likes to make lists on computer and programs lol. Bet they won't give him it in computer format lol!!!


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## mamu

We only got the paper version of our workbook, but were told at the prep course that we were very welcome to type the answers on the computer, so that's what we did (and still do, as we keep changing it). Basically we simply filled in whichever questions seemed easy to answer and once we started, it was actually really interesting and fun, although intense and tiring, too.


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## Freedo

Thanks Loki girl xx


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## Arrows

Our SW much preferred us to do everything on the computer as much easier for her to then transfer it directly into the relevant sections in the PAR.


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## Loki Girl

So looks like the homework thing will go more DH's way lol. I much prefer to write things down lol. Oh well whatever needs to be done   Will see how it goes at the time. Guess I could write it down then get hubby to type it in lol


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## Cassie78

Loki - get typing at least any errors can be changed.
I'm so glad I reduced my hours to 30 a week recently!! 
I went to a medium a few days ago and she told me I had 3 babies in spirit. I've had 3 failed ivf's and she told me adoption was the way forward she even told me what we would adopt and described the boy!!! She told me to go to bradford LA too. It's was so weird I never said a word to her. Although I'm quite sceptical so will take it with a pinch of salt. 
Lorella - how did prep go?


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## Loulah ♥

Hello Everyone!!   
My first post on the adoption board (and first time on FF in about a year)!!  
After a break of nearly 2 years from any treatments my hubby and I have decided to start looking down the route of adoption.  We are off to an info evening tonight, so we are right at the very beginning.  
Lou x


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## Cassie78

Loulah I'm also going to an info evening tonight xxx


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## Loki Girl

Exciting times ahead. We went to an info evening last Dec before our last go at IVF and came away feeling really hopeful and excited. I'm sure you will both be the same and will come away raring to go lol. 

Can't wait to hear how you both get on


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## Loulah ♥

Hi Loki Girl & Cassie,
Thanks for your replies.  Good luck tonight Cassie!!  I'm nervous but excited about our info evening as its taken me a while to get DH to look into adoption, so its a big step for him and us as a couple.  BIG STEP FORWARD......


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## becs40

Hi Loulah and Cassie.
We went to our open evening 4th feb and we're  half way through stage 1 now! It's flying by at the moment.
Hope you get on well and it inspires you to get things moving.


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## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is doing well and the open evening went fine Well she was here for about hour and a half and was really lovely, we told her our concerns and listened to everything, she listened and assured us that any worries or doubts we have will not go against us. I said we stilll have worries and fears but want a family and she said that is perfectly normal. She left us a par to look at and forms etc, suggested that we do the training and if after that we feel it's not for us you are not tied to anything, I have so much going on in may with my 40th I want to enjoy that so said we will put the form in June, which gives us more time to read etc,. The ball is moving slowly!! My head is so busy!! xxxx


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## Cassie78

Hiya everyone.  We'll I enjoyed the info evening. Although I've read that much I don't think they told me anything I didn't know about the process. I asked about my dog as she's a staffie and they said she wouldn't be a problem and wouldn't be assessed any differently to any other dog LOKI I think we can keep our dogs!!! Lol.  They were quite adamant on the 12month wait though although a women who adopted recently said they wouldn't know when our last IVF was as we did it abroad and didn't involve our GP. We will probably go to the smaller LA though as only 6month wait.
Loulah how did you go?


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## Loulah ♥

Hi!  
My info evening went well too, but like you Cassie there wasn't really anything said that I hadn't read myself online.  BUT what was invaluable was an adopter speaking about her journey.  Was very interesting and probably a much truer account of the journey that what the speaker gave.  The adopter came over to a group of us after it had finished and showed us photos of her children and advised us to be strong and to tell the SWs what we want from the beginning  ie if we want a younger child, or siblings etc....
We booked our home visit for a couple of weeks time and this morning I purchased a couple of books from Amazon to be reading up, doing a bit more homework 
We have 2 doggies, so a bit more training starts now!  They are very good, gentle girls BUT they go loopy for a few minutes when new people come to the house.  The lady I spoke to at our Adoption Agency before the info evening said that they have a 2 dog limit..... told me not to take in any strays!  So I need to make sure they are calm when the SW visits.


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## becs40

Loulah we've got a rescue border collie that we've had 4 years now. When the sw did our initial home visit it took her 20 mins to be bothered to get off the sofa to come and say hello! Then she had a couple of strokes and went back to bed! I couldn't have been happier, they normally do everything to show you up at the wrong moment don't they!


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## Cassie78

Becs lucky you!! I'm seriously thinking of sedating mine before the SW arrives.  I'm only joking she's an old girl now.  Can't wait now xxx


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## becs40

Ha ha Cassie it crossed my mind! We have some herbal stuff she has for fireworks and she seriously looked stoned on it last time! Heaven knows what's in it!


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## Freedo

Hi loulah, becs and Cassie, I have a westie who is 14 months but he lives between us and my dad, he is so lively as just wants to play with everyone! xx


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## becs40

I bet he's gorgeous Freedo. I have a friend with a westie, they're such characters!
Our girl adores my nephews and was so funny when they were down at Xmas. She won't normally go into my mums living room because she's frightened of the log burner but she came in and lay on the floor almost on top of my youngest nephew. He sidled away from her to tease her and she just kept shuffling next to him for cuddles.


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## mamu

I'm glad your info sessions went well! The adopter's talk was our favourite part too. Just like you we had read lots on the internet and in books before, but to talk to an adopter (and see pictures) is just more real. I also liked meeting other people interested in adoption. At the moment adoption is all I can think/talk about, so it was nice to talk to others who feel the same way. The prep day wasn't that much different, actually, just more in depth. 

We got a call today - it looks like we've been allocated a social worker for the home visit. They promised to call again tomorrow to book a date. How exciting!!!


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## Forgetmenot

Hi everyone... I am going to commit to a board!!

We had our info evening tonight,  we went to one last year that was so negative, but tonight was lovely.  Don't get me wrong, I am not in denial of the process, but was so much more positive than the tails of woe from the last one.  However, we now have the two extremes, so hoping for the middle!!

I am so excited to be looking at starting the next step of our journey.  It's been a long and bumpy ride 

Finally feel ready to take the next steps.... We have faced our finances head on, have a plan for giving up work... Gulp!!  Just need the family to make our world complete.

I finally have a smile on my face (sure it won't last once we get started) but life is looking hopeful 

Anyway, finally thought it would be lovely to share my journey and have some help and supprt on the way xxx

Gosh if I press post... I am committing to the next step..... Huge!!


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## mamu

Hi jensw! Welcome and well done for pressing the send button   I remember the feeling of relief when we finally decided not to try anymore. Our ride was quite bumpy, too...


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## Freedo

Looks like this group is growing! So good to gave other people to talk to xx


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## Loki Girl

Yay Jen. So excited to see you here finally!!! Will get round to messaging u back, you know how things are lol. But so pleased to read all the positivity is there   This is turning into a nice little group and I am beginning to get excited bout starting. I can't believe that finally we have the potential to all be mummy's hopefully next year!! I had lost all that hope over my last 2 rounds of IVF. It just turned into such a gamble. I'm pretty sure we can all get approved in this game and it will be like getting a huge BFP that some of us won't have seen in a long time then it's a def 100% you will be a family!!!!

Glad info evenings went well. Even if you already know a lot of the stuff it was nice for us to actually talk to the social workers and discover they are not demons lol. We also had a couple there with their 2 adopted sons. They showed us a video of one of their sons who did a talk on adoption for his exams. It was lovely (tho think he was a little embarrassed lol!!) All his classmates were really supportive and actually listening to him answer questions from his classmates bout did he think of his birth family etc was really enlightening. We talked to his mom bout giving up IVF and she was really sincere about her feelings but said she never once felt regret once she had the boys. 

Funny to read about our fur babies as well. As well as the Loki monster we have 2 cats. Loki is great, great with our 12mth old niece who doesn't appreciate her licks at the mo and our 7yr old nephew who adores her. The only thing is she is a real out the window watcher. She sits on the sofa looking out window but then if anyone goes past or walks up the drive she goes nuts. Wouldn't hurt a fly and as soon as they get to door she licks them to death then will happily go lie in her basket. I'm worked about initial reaction when SW comes and is confronted by a labrador going nuts at the window!! I suggested to DH we try and make it stop now but he likes the fact she is guarding our property!! I'm not sure if it will be an issue but guess they can assess that and we can deal with it. Would just have to move sofa so she can't see   She's very friendly and licky tho and not everyone appreciates that. We def need a child who loves animals lol. 

Anyways enough from me. Cassie still can't believe they def want a 12mth wait. To me that shows they are stuck in their ways and won't assess you as an individual couple just where you fit into their rules. That is not how adoption is going these days so hopefully the other LA will be more flexible. Your very brave to see the medium. I would be so petrified they would turn round and say kids are not in your future!!!

Well talking of the pesky labrador who is whining at me to go out better go. 

Talk later


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## rsm

It's sooooooo great to have this forum - I love it.

We've just started working on our workbook and medicals booked for 3 week's time. Stressing myself out a bit over the medicals as I have taken anti-depressants in the past albeit over 10 years ago now. The Dr has written that I have a history of benign breast disease as well - well I've had a couple of cysts that are nothing to worry about but why did she have to use the word disease? My SW doesn't seem to think it's going to be a problem at all but I guess i'm just a stress head !! It's so nerve wracking but it will all be worth it in the end.

A friend who has been through the process and now has two beautiful children said it's a bit like have the worst kind of tooth ache and then one the tooth gets taken out all the pain goes away and you don't remember it....... 

x


----------



## Cassie78

Rsm10021 - hiya my DH takes medication for anxiety and has done for years.  You'd never guess unless he told you.  We spoke to the SW About our concerns and they actually said it's seen as a positive and wouldn't be a massive issue so do not worry at all.
Welcome Jen xxx


----------



## rsm

I know it's strange with them saying it's a positive - my SW said the same - she said it shows that you've had difficulty but overcame it. I hope the breast stuff isn't going to be an issue....always worrying - that's me all over!


----------



## Loki Girl

I hear you Rsm. I sit here thinking of a 100 ways of why they might turn us down or why they might not like something in the house or the way we are. I don't know why cus I think we have lots of good things going for us. I def think the last 4yrs of IVF treatment has made us stronger. Luckily DH keeps me in check. He's very much a wait and see what happens. We'll deal with it if it comes up. Sometimes it's frustrating but usually he keeps me calm lol. I have to know what I'm dealing with so if anything comes up I feel prepared but he's totally different. 

I think it's all because we know this is our last chance to be a family and we have to get through this and we have to prove to these social workers we can be good parents and we can be good parents to children who might need just that little bit extra parenting. That means it takes strong couples to actually go through it and come out the other side and when we do it will mean so much more. 

Liked your comment about the tooth Rsm - so true!! 

I'm reading this book What to Expect when Adopting. It's really good and focus on being a good enough parent. You can't expect to be perfect at everything they are just expecting you to be good enough for these children.


----------



## rsm

I'm going to check that book out too Loki Girl. Thanks for letting us know about it.

Nobody said it would be easy but everyone says it will be worth it.


----------



## Petite One

Welcome Jensw.

Lets hope we all get some good news this year.


----------



## becs40

This board seems to be getting very busy, I said to DH the new year is obviously a popular time to start the process! 
I've downloaded what to expect when adopting and attachment by common sense and doodles as that was recommended on our prep day. I also bought "related by adoption for grandparents" which is a great little book that gave my parents more insight.
We've got our medicals next Wednesday and I'm terrified about it! The only thing that I know is going to be an issue in our application is my weight, or rather bmi! I'd lost 5 stone in the past 4 years but put a stone on with the last ivf and Christmas. I should have lost half of that by the medicals but bmi will still be 36. I'm fit and healthy and have a very healthy diet but just can't get down to a normal bmi. My waist to hip ratio which they will also measure is good and my pulse rate is the category below athlete! It just makes me so cross that this seems to permanently be my battle. I only managed to lose enough to have ivf privately (NHS won't do above bmi of 30) by fasting 4 days a week!


----------



## Loki Girl

That worries me too Becs. I have been doing weight watchers since Nov aiming to lose a stone for our final treatment which I did and am now only 3lbs away from getting my BMI in the healthy range for the 1st time for like forever lol. But DH is overweight and is having to have a blood test for his cholestoral. He has an under active thyroid which is easily controlled by tablets but now they've picked up a high cholesterol so he needs to go for a blood test. I tried to subetly suggest that he come to weight watchers now but he was having none of that   Having said that we are both black belts in Taekwon Do and we run 2 schools of our own so he is fit. 

Thanks for the book recommendations will go look. DH surprised me by saying he will read the book I got on adoption after me. I didn't think he would cus he didnt want to do any prep even after I had told him I had heard its good to show you are committed. I think the book for grandparents sounds fab. My mom is terrible. I was adopted myself and everytime I mention something she just says well we didnt have to do that when we were adopting you!!! I'm like mom that was 1971 it's not the same!!! Bless her she'll learn. I can just imagine the SW visiting her. She will bore them to death about the adoption process in 1971


----------



## Loki Girl

P.S what's Doodles? Is that another book?


----------



## Cassie78

I ordered the book for grandparents today from amazon for DH mum and dad and my dad! I ordered another two books also. There were loads to pick from. Loki and Becs at my info evening someone asked about weight and they said you just have to show your making an effort to loose weight which you obviously are.
Loki taekwondo would be great for you child. You could meditate together lol.


----------



## becs40

Well done Loki, that's great! I did ww for 6 months and lost 1 measly pound! I lost the weight with slimming world but it took 3 years to lose 4 stone and about  8 months to lose the last one. I have a pituitary tumour which some drs say does make the difference and others don't. All I know is I put the effort in to get very poor results. We have a healthy diet and cook everything ourselves and don't buy prepared food or takeaways. I'm very fussy about food being messed around with so I like to know exactly what's gone into a meal. I'll never be a runner or gym bunny but I like to swim and I do a 2 mike walk everyday minimum.

We had an adopter chat on our prep day and she said she did 80% of the work they needed to do but she said all the men in her group were the same! There was a little chuckle in the room from the women as we all recognised that scenario!

The book is called "attachment in common sense and doodles" and it's a book about attachment that try's to explain it in simple terms with little doodle diagrams throughout.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks for the welcome!

Still smiling.  I just feel like the weight of the world has been lifted, metaphorically, if only physically too!!

Hand delivered our interest form today, so waiting to here.  Bet we will have to wait ages am sure and just desperate to hear. Just want to start.... But my new mantra is patience!!

It is not one of my strengths!!


----------



## becs40

Lol jensw neither is it mine but getting better! We handed in our form at the open evening and had our first meeting at home within 2 weeks. 
Our open evening was beginning of feb and we submitted the formal application around mid feb and have done all references now, one day prep training, medicals next week then it's just waiting for DBS checks I think. We've started our self assessment forms as in whizzed through them and put down basically what we want in each bit ready for us to properly do them in more depth. So it all seems to have been going very quickly at the moment.


----------



## Forgetmenot

That sounds great.  I wanted to hand in mine at the open evening, but thought we best go home and look like we've talked about it, but if guess once decided you have decided. We were trying to check out the other couples... Is funny comparing yourselves against strangers!! I wrote on the form that we are away for two weeks in two weeks time, so hoping that will trigger a meeting in the next two weeks.... Secretly hoping they will call today but I know they won't!!! Just want to know they will think we are ok.  I know we are deep down, but it's the fear of failure and if we say it out loud, we will fail.... Gonna have to get over this.

So looking forward to our Easter holiday, but fustrated it's gonna get in the way, but a holiday is what we need, so will be great!!

Anyway I have shed loads to do before work, so need to get butt into work.  Have a lovely day all xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Holiday sounds fab Jen. Just what u need. We are doing same, tho as won't be till Sept. DH hates beach holidays (the last 2 we drove round France with the Loki monster staying in self catering meaning I had to clean at end of holiday. Not easy with a shedding Labrador!!) but he's promised me after everything we have been through we can do a beach holiday this year. I told him last one with just the 2 of us before we take the kids to Centre Parcs or DisneyWorld     I just want a nice holiday that doesn't fit round treatment abroad which is what we have done over the last 4yrs. Not trying to pretend we actually had a holiday when all we did was see foreign clinics, foreign doctors, take injections, nasty pessaries and tablets etc. just want to go relax, have someone clean the room and basically be waited on!!! I figure in Sept we may need that break if the adoption process starts to get a little bit stressful!!

Anyways think we are all struggling with feeling what if it fails after what we have all endured but reckon we can help support each other and once the process starts reckon we will feel a lot better. 

Off to work for me too - animals need feeding and mucking out lol xx


----------



## Cassie78

Loki-a holiday is not a holiday without a beach to chill on!!!! We go on hold in May so hopefully after hols we will be ready to start the process.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks for advice Primmer  

Cassie - first 2 prep days went really well. Thanks for asking   
There are only us and two other couples so it's quite laid back but intimate. No hiding but less nervous about speaking so all good. We contributed loads. Last prep day is Thursday next week and really looking forward to it 😊. Still no end of stage meeting planned but the boss was there on our last prep day and she assured us we'd have one by the end of the prep course.........

Welcome Jen x


----------



## Cassie78

Wow that's a small group lorella. Glad it went well for you. Is it a small LA?


----------



## Lorella

Cassie - thanks 😊
We are in South East. I don't think it's a particularly small LA but we are not one of the biggest counties. There are 2 other prep courses running. One in Feb and one in April. Maybe they are fuller....?! Anyhow suits us so that's all good 😊x


----------



## mamu

That sounds great, Lorella! Good look for your last day on Thursday  

Becs, glad it's going so well! That's how we filled in our workbook, too. That way we got an idea first and then kept adding more. We still do...  

We finally got the call! We have our home visit, which I believe is our end of stage one interview, next week. I'm really excited. I started cleaning and tidying like mad...


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow! Some peoples journeys going quick.  We are waiting for them to come and visit.... Initially one.  I think I will relax after that, but I am fearful they will let us start.  It's been two days... So sitting on my hands to stop me calling lol.

What goes in a workbook? Xx


----------



## Lorella

Mamu - thanks 😊 and so exciting you have your end of stage one interview. 
Good luck. You'll be great x


----------



## Lorella

Finally got our end of stage 1 interview date for 7th April!
Exciting! X


----------



## Laws1612

Yay a thread that I think I fit in lol....I recognise so names from other threads ive read.....

hello all......
1 cycle of icsi and 1 fet.....and heree are and I wish I hsd done it sooner it feels so right...
we have had our inital meeting and filled out roi social worker has booked our prep course and has told us that someone will be round to gain all other Info and for medical and finance info....jist waiting for comformation that we have been accepted.... the social worker was so postive as we are young and are considering foster for adopt or young babies....im so excited now....she explained wecan see profiles prior being approved and could have a match soon after....that could be 6 months away....i have been doing lots of reading and visited mothercare to get a feel for things....maybe alil premature lol...just couldnt help it......how are you all doing....looking forward to sharing stories xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Just wanted to say fab news Lorella, Mamu and Laws. It must be so great to hit all
these stages etc. can't believe this will be us hopefully passing in the next few months!!

Jen - u had the call yet?

Trying to stay positive bout Mother's Day at the mo. I'm sure most of you have been through the same just praying year in and year out that maybe next year will be the year it will be my turn but it never is. We always have my parents and DH's
parents to dinner but that's only because all the rest of the family are celebrating it with their kids. We don't have any so entertain our parents. Don't get me wrong I'm not being a total witch. Of course I want to be with my mom but I just want to be a mom so badly and I want to be selfish and I want cards etc. In the beginning I thought IVF was the answer to all our hopes even after a couple of failed attempts. I never thought I would be in the minority of being one of those with countless failed attempts behind them. I've met so many people through IVF where most of them have gone on to have their babies. It's been so hard to always be the one left behind. This year I'm starting to feel more positive because if it all goes well there is a guarantee at the end. It's like having the BFP but then without the worry of something going wrong. I don't think I would of ever enjoyed a pregnancy because of my miscarriage and ectopic history. I'm trying to concentrate on this time next year I am hoping we will be nearly approved and I know next year we will still be entertaining our parents but at least we will know for def it will be for the last time and hopefully the following year it will finally be our turn. 

Well that's my spill for today lol. Hope everyone is doing ok xx


----------



## Loulah ♥

Hi Everyone!  Wow lots of us here now, its great to have somewhere where we are all in the same boat!


We have our Initial Home Visit on Monday, any advice?  


Also wanted to ask you opinions - As yet the only person we (well I) have told is my best friend.  We feel like we want to wait to see if we are accepted first, but on the forms we are having to fill in for the home visit are asking for family and friend references.  Obviously its Mothers Day this weekend, so that would be a lovely time to tell our parents our plans, but we still have something telling us to hold this information to ourselves for the time being.  Are we being too closed off?  Adoption is definitely something we want to do.  I know why we haven't told them so far, its because we don't want to let our parents down or hurt them as I know our "journey" so far has been tough for them too.
Have you guys been telling people around you?


Sending love, hugs and positive vibes to you all x


----------



## Cassie78

Hiya Loulah I have told all my family and colleagues our plans but have stressed to them all it's very early days.  Everyone said they'd support us.  My brother was abit surprised and offered his sperm and my SIL eggs but I said no thanks as we've decided to adopt lol. You don't have to tell anyone until your ready. I've just always spoken about adoption with my family being an option. As for friends I've only told one couple who I trust.

Loki - do not worry your time will come.  Sadly for me I lost my mum last year so will probably be going to DH brothers as they always make a meal for my MIL. That's if I feel I can leave my dad. Just think it's just another day.


----------



## Loulah ♥

Hi Cassie,
I have no doubt that all our family and friends will support us, I think we are just protecting them (and ourselves) from any more disappointment as we've had our fair share over the past few years.  I think we probably should just bite the bullet and tell them!  I will have chats with hubby tonight and see what he thinks.
I'm sorry to read about you losing your Mum, that must be so tough. But I'm sure she's looking down and helping you along your journey xxx


----------



## Loulah ♥

Loki - Sorry I completely missed your post earlier today.  I feel the same about Mother's Day, every year I think maybe next year I'll be a Mum......  
I truly hope that this time next year (or maybe the year after) all of us on this thread will be celebrating Mother's Day with our own little ones x


----------



## Cassie78

I found it easier to tell people we were adopting than I did opening up about IVF.  I have read some scary things on that adoption uk site though about children. Some of the people are quite negative on their.
My poor dog has what the vets think May be a mast cell tumour on her muzzle. I've read this is one of the worst places to have one. We find out next week the grading of it and her prognosis.  I am really upset . Don't know what I'd do without her.  All the other dogs keep smelling it like there saying there is something wrong with her. It's just not what I need right now.


----------



## Cassie78

The other dogs are my dads xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all of you lovely ladies x

What a week.  I have been stressing.  I held out til Monday before I called.  Spoke to someone.  Our details had been passed on and they were due back of annual leave today.  However, on phoning, it's tomorrow.  So tomorrow we shall try!! Am expecting to be fobbed off.... Could feel myself getting tearful with frustration.... I am going to need to toughen up.  The sw I spoke to today was most unhelpful.  I guess it's looking unlikely for a visit next week.  I want to cancel our holiday, so we can get the process started, silly I know, but like you said Lou...... I feel I can't tell pellets until this has been done, and have a better gauge.  We have told my mum, as she is looking to move away (great timing) so felt she needed all the info to make her decision.
Since we decided to go into this, dh and I are talking about it every day, which is great.  My coordinator within my dept announce she was pg today and another member of the dept, getting upset, stressed and can't cope and someone on competency..... This was all before 9 am.  What a day!!
Hope you are all well..... I need coping strategies.... I think I am doing dh nut in!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Cassie, sorry to hear about your doggy x they are our babies x


----------



## becs40

Wow so many to do personals for and I'm rubbish with memory so apologies to any I miss!
Welcome Laws, you're a little behind us but roughly the same place. We've found stage 1 is going very quickly.

Mamu and Lorella I can't wait to get onto stage 2 it will just seem that bit closer and bit more certain!

Loki, I hope you manage to get through Mother's Day without too much trauma. Just try and visualise next Mother's Day when it will be our turn! I have to say I haven't given much thought to it recently, in fact many things I used to really fixate on missing out on don't even register now. My life is finally moving forward and every day I'm dreaming and imagining our life as a family and I really genuinely have moved so far beyond getting upset and jealous of other women's pregnancies.

Cassie so sorry to head about your doggie,   It's not as bad as it seems at the mo. It's devastating, ours is curled up fast asleep in her huge cosy bed at the mo and if breaks my heart thinking about anything happening to her. 

Loulah we've told everyone we're adopting. We're both very open people and everyone knew we were going through ivf so telling them it's now adoption seemed the logical way of closing that chapter. Everyone has been really supportive and inquisitive and for me I feel excited that I get to talk about us becoming a family in the same way anyone would when pregnant. They're sharing in our excitement at becoming a family at long last. My parents or rather mum in particular is overexcited and really looking forward to being a granny again especially as my nephews are much older now and granny isn't really cool when you're 9 and 12! We've also been given details of friends of friends etc who have adopted and would be happy to meet so we can gain advice etc, so that's been really great and useful too.

Jen sounds like you're having a bit of a crazy time at the mo. I know what you mean about your holiday but my advice would be to go and enjoy it and make the most of it before you get thrown into the full on journey of adoption. Enjoy it but you could also use the time to your advantage by doing some reading etc so you feel like you're still doing what you need to.

We have the dreaded medicals tomorrow and I will be sooooo glad when they're over and done with. Pretty confident it's just going to be the bmi that's the issue but you never know.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becs: good luck with me the medicals, be interested to hear what they do and say. 

We are expecting our call today.... Hmmmm not hopeful, just want to know!

What the initial chat so we can get excited and tell all of our nearest and dearest.... But still waiting incase they perceive a problem 

Frustrating.com

Still at least I will be able to answer my phone as half the kids aren't in school.... yay!!


----------



## Primmer

Cassie - sorry to hear about your doggie and will keep fingers crossed for best possible news. 

Becs - good luck with your medicals. I had mine last week and my dh has his next week. 

Jensw - hope you get your call today. 

Loki - Mother's Day is always hard for me. The mother posts on ******** which have already started don't help either! 

Mamu & Lorella - how exciting with your interviews coming up

AFM - we have days 3 & 4 of our prep course today and tomorrow so looking forward to that.


----------



## Laws1612

Becs40 good luck today with your medical I'm sure all will be ok and you will be into the next stage before you know it.....

Jensw what a week indeed....I hope that you get some answers today....we have a holiday booked in January linked with a family wedding however now we have got the ball rolling tempted to cancel myself what happens if a baby comes up that needs a home and I'm booked to go to Austria for a week?...argh.....stressing comes naturally to mums and soon that's what all of us will be....like the girls are saying go on holiday might be the last one you have get some reading time in and be on top of your game the week later.....me and do have done nothing but talk about adoption which is great however I'm getting so excited I'm now gonna have to try not to think about it for a little while other the weeks and months are gonna feel like a lifetime......
Primmer - hope the prep course is going ok.....could you enlighten me please as what they include? We have ours booked for May 
Hope everyone else is doing well looking forward to hearing how you are all getting on xxxxx


----------



## rsm

This board is getting very exciting. 

I feel the same about going on holiday. We booked to go away in September before we thought anything about adoption and now, if timings go according to plan, we should be going to panel around that time. 

I was stressing as per usual as thinking about cancelling but my dh spoke to our SW to ask her advice and she said don't worry at all, we should still go and if needs be we can postpone panel until we are back. I felt better after that and actually timing wise will be great for us to get away and have some r&r before a lo comes into our life.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Omg she called on the dot 

Next Friday.... Said May take up to 3 hours.... Is this normal


----------



## Arrows

Jensw -yes 2-3hrs for a visit is totally normal.


----------



## Forgetmenot

What they going to want to know?
Should I prepare anything or just chat?!


----------



## Cassie78

OMG Jen 2-3 hours! Hmmmm very exciting though.  Hate to think what home study will be like!!
Ladies get on your hols.  Things will wait if it's meant to be.  I loved booking my hols and not worrying about it being spoilt by IVF things.  
Primmer - I closed my face book account about 1year ago.  It was like a mother baby forum.  I have no intention of rejoining ever.  
I'm currently reading a book called adoption diary it's good so far would recommend it.  
Loki - are you getting itchy feet to start? I am but don't see the point of speaking to LA until mid April xx


----------



## becs40

Jen fab news! Our initial visit was about an hour but to be honest DH and I are a pretty straight forward couple. No previous relationships, no bad history etc so there wasn't a lot to talk about really. I guess it will vary depending if there's anything they want a bit more detail on.

Well we had the medicals today and all perfect bar the wretched bmi! So need to focus on lowering that a bit over the next few months. One thing I hadn't given a thought to for those yet to have medicals is you need to do a urine sample! Being the properly prepared person I am I had of course gone to the toilet before leaving home 10 minutes beforehand!   managed to part with a drop which was enough fortunately!

We've also been given the dates for our next 2 prep days which could have been in May but I can't get the time off so will be in July. Beginning of July and they've said as long as we do them before panel it's fine. Seems strange to be talking about all this before actually being accepted onto stage 2.


----------



## Forgetmenot

We are the same becs... Nothing complicated either.... So at a loss, but sue it will be fine. I guess there is lots of variation between authorities!

How much do they look at your house, garden etc on first vist.... Do we need to be super super organised?  Stressing as go on holiday at silly o'clock the next morning... But can go away happy (here's hoping)..... A road trip..... Dh will be killing me, as I am sure to be an adoption bore....!! 

Xx


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all, 
I'm taking the plunge and joining  you all on this exciting thread if thats ok?
I'm patiently   waiting for a phone call to arrange a 1st interview to get this ball rolling, and have been reading this thread hoping i'll be able to join, so figured if i just start chatting that phone call might come more quickly!!  I've already spoken to a social worker on the phone and filled in a general enquiry form, so just waiting for our interview now.

Its so good to hear of so many of you going through similar stages and its lovely to be excited about the future after so long of ifs and buts - i know there's lots to get through and dont have rose tinted glasses but a bit of optimism never went amiss!

No dogs (or any pets for that matter!) here but definatley looking to book a lovely holiday later in the year!
Somewhere hot, relaxing and adult only - the last one! Hopefully!

Looking forward to getting to know you all over the coming months
xx


----------



## babas

In our first visit it was nearly 3 hours. We are fairly simple as well. They looked around every single room and wanted to know about our plans. We go to panel next month so try not to worry x


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is well, it's so good to read this thread and to see we are all in this together! I really couldn't do any more treatment so this is next step! We are putting our forms in June as May is manic as I turn 40 and I have something on every weekend! Including a party, girls weekend away and a trip to New York when back from New York we will put them in. DH is talking a lot more and considering a year ago he would never even consider this process we have come a full circle which is fab!!    
I am dreading Mother's Day this weekend also, it's been 12 yrs this year since my mam died at 58, and If my last treatment had worked I would be due any day now so really not looking forward to it! , but hopefully my last non Mother's Day!! 
I am going to order some books etc next any recommendations? 

Take care all 

Xxx


----------



## becs40

Welcome Freedo and not giving up. Freedo I am having to try hard to not type Freddo! Chocolate frogs on the brain obviously  
Our initial visit the sw didn't look at anything in our home. She just saw the living room and that was it, did ask how many bedrooms we had but didn't want to look around. I guess every authority is different as you say Jen.
Regards to books, I've downloaded what to expect when adopting, attachment in common sense and doodles as they were recommended on our first prep day. I've just also downloaded "no matter what" by Sally Donovan and I'm loving that one! It's her story of adopting and I'm struggling to put it down since I downloaded it last night. Also bought related by adoption for grandparents for my mum and dad to help them understand about different parenting techniques.


----------



## Lorella

Hi to Laws and Notgivingup

Thanks Loki - so pleased to finally get the date in! They did say they are still waiting for this reference ( they are never gonna get it as it with an employer I worked for 20 yrs ago and I'm pretty sure they don't live at the address anymore!) but prepared to move on anyway. So hoping that means they are not gonna chase it  
This time next year we will all have our little ones with us on Mothers Day or they will definitely be on the way 😊x

Loulah - pretty much all our close friends and family know now but it's not common knowledge and I haven't told work people yet. F and F needed to know as they are all part of our support network which is an important part of the whole process. Good luck with visit 🍀

Cassie - that's funny. When I told my best friend she offered to be a surrogate  😣. Didn't know quite what to say! Sending you hugs this Mother's Day and hope your doggie is ok  

Primmer - good luck with last of your prep days.

Jen - yay! So pleased you got the call 😊

Becs - great that you've got your medicals done. 

Hi to everyone else. Last day of prep tomorrow 😊
Xx


----------



## rsm

Becs40 - thanks for telling us about the books. I've looked up Sally Donovan's and the reviews are great and based on your recommendation I'm going to download it now too.


----------



## Cassie78

Welcome Laws and notgivingup.
Lorella - why on earth do they want a reference from 20yrs ago anyway?
Freedo or Freddo lol - it's weird how thoughts on adoption change isn't it. I'm reading a book called adoption diary which I bought from amazon it's good so far.
I was wondering if we could all put the stages were at on our profiles?


----------



## Lorella

Cassie - I know! Is so frustrating. Basically they need references from any employer if you worked with children. I was a nanny for 6 months, cash in hand, in my gap year when I was 18! I even forgot their surname and had to download their land registry documents off the internet to get it! I can understand they need to be thorough but I would of thought 12 years working as a teacher and a clean CRB etc would be enough.... fingers crossed they stop chasing it  

Last prep day today went well. All about contact with birth parents and when and what to tell your adopted child about their adoption. 

Some programmes on about adoption at the mo: 'The Baby Wait' on Lifetime sky channel (American but still worth a watch) and '15,000 kids and counting' on channel 4 from next Thurs. 

xx


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all, 
thanks for the welcome - Lorella - i seem to remember we were cycle buddies some time last year!  Glad to hear prep course has gone well.
My post yesterday clearly wasnt a jinx and the agency phoned today to arrange our 1st meeting in 2 weeks time - so excited could scream!
Freedo - sorry to say i also have images of lovely yummy chocolate frogs when i see your name!  need to get some glasses!!

I have read quite  a few books - my favourite being sally donovans and 'the adoption diary.  starting attachment and doodles this weekend.  Have read a few other books but so far these are the ones i like the best.  The most inspiring and informative have been reading peoples diaries on t his forum - honest, accurate and current throughout their journey - not just the highs and lows.  This forum is a brilliant resource in my humble opinion!

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Yay not giving up! I was like that... I am so excited, but trying to remain grounded.  Who knows what they will say.

I am dreading they will make us wait!


----------



## Lorella

Not giving up - yes we were christmas crackers and new year poppers! Good to see you again. Glad to hear you've got your meeting date xx


----------



## Freedo

Ha ha, Becs, Cassie and not giving up I promise I am not green, my dog is Alfie and I call him freedo sometimes, that's where it's from!! 
Hope everyone is well, I will look to order the books on the weekend, and have sky plussed the show for next week!! xx


----------



## Cassie78

Does anyone else constantly think about adoption or is it just me? I'm obsessed with looking things up related to adoption.  Also I cannot believe how many people have being adopted or know someone who has done it.  I was telling pAtients at work as they ALWAYS ask, are you married and do you have children. So now I happily say that me and my DH are adopting. One of the patients said that all her brothers and sisters were adopted as her parents could only conceive her. Another had being adopted herself. Another told me her friend adopted and there were only four people in the bay!! They all said I'd be a lovely mum . It just felt so good to be talking positivley rather than being all negative and emotional about IVF.


----------



## mamu

I couldn't agree more! I am constantly reading blogs, books and here of course. I also want to talk about it all the time. So far my friends are very encouraging and interested. I wonder when they will start getting bored ;-)


----------



## becs40

I'm the same Cassie, immersing myself in reading books,blogs forum and all things adoption. I'm also very open if people ask and by being like that a colleague put me in touch with a friend who had adopted a little boy last November. We've exchanged emails etc and it's great to talk to someone who has recently been through the process. Also discovered a guy at work that works with a friend of mine is a foster cater so will try and get to chat to him as well. It's all really helpful and as you say nice to look forward to a family future and not be weighed down by the negativity of ivf anymore.


----------



## Freedo

Snap!! xx


----------



## Laws1612

Yay were all the same reading watching and talking adoption hubby more involved than wen wr doing ivf....hes even brought first time parenting books looks like hes doing the nappy changes now haha....tempted to start buying early due to mothercare price match at the mo but desperately trying to with hold.xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all, very quick post!!

Like you all obsessed.... Never mind baby bore, I am already an adoption bore, but love it, because feel happiest I have felt for a long long time.

Anyway, just popped in as found this:
http://sloughchildcare.proceduresonline.com/chapters/p_adopters.html. (Don't know if allowed to post) but has lots of info on initially visits and paperwork etc. I know it will be different for each LA, but might be a good starting point for some of us new newbies!

I should have been cleaning in preparation of our visit, and getting read for our hols, but felt times best spent getting my roots done lol

Mad panic and stress to come later in the week.... Dh has it all planned tomorrow apparently, bless him!!

I hope I haven't jinxed myself if opening up and posting... Nothing has gone right to date, so live in fear xx


----------



## Cassie78

Thanks Jen for the link.  I've posted for advice regarding my DH anxiety on the adoption uk site cos I've suddenly become really worried we will get a no because of this.  He doesn't have anxiety but it's cos he takes medication which work really well for him. Even though they said not to worry at the info evening I can't help it!! We are phoning another LA tomorrow and also Barnardos VA also. Wish I could start now instead of waiting until May.
Just think this could be our last Mother's Day without a card and some daffies!!


----------



## Freedo

Thanks for that link Jensw , it's really good and will be helpful when we submit forms in June , our LA website is crap!! Feeling bit low today as been to the cemetery to take my mam flowers , and to top it off if my lady tx had worked I roils have been due this week and the icing on the cake is AF turned up this am!!  We are going out for lunch soon with my MIL and my dad so I think I will have a glass of wine!! I am thinking though hopefully this will be my last non Mother's Day!! Have a fab Sunday all xxxxx


----------



## Freedo

Sorry about predictive txt!


----------



## Forgetmenot

What does he take Cassie? X

Thinking of everyone today.  I have been cleaning, painting, tidying etc. need to re silicon bathrooms etc....

Dh is thinking I am mental lol


----------



## kellyb05

we have just started looking into adoption, we are nervous but excited at the same time we off to an info meeting in april so fingers crossed we feel confident with them xxxx


----------



## Laws1612

Welcome Kelly......good luck with your info day I hope it's everything your hoping for....if you have any questions some of the of girls will be able to help you.....

Jensw thank you for the link you posted some really good information.....getting me even more excited.....

How long did you all wait for your approval onto the first stage...waiting for formal approval letter before having our next meeting?..however prep course already booked!! 

Hope Mother's Day has been bearable for all of you hopefully next year will be different for all of us xxx


----------



## Cassie78

Welcome Kelly xx
Jen - he takes mirtazapine for anxiety. More work related than anything tbh. Jen PAINTING I think your mental too lolxxx
Freedo - I too went to lay flowers today so know how you feel xxxxx


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all, Happy prospective mothers day!  Hope you have all survived it!

Jensw - that link is fab thankyou - will certainly be a useful guide! I can start reading and planning a a bit more when i feel in limbo land.

Welcome KellyB05

Freedo, hope the glass of wine helped and your day improved

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Cassie if it's work related then it should be ok, but I am no expert.  I think you will be happy once you have spoken with them,  if they said not to worry, I guess it will be ok.  They normally so no outright xx

Laws we have been to an open eve, and have our first meeting on Friday... Arghhhh xx

Not giving up..... Your welcome, I found it by accident and I thought it was great.  Wanted to think about something, so can begin to plan, now if know what they are looking for!!

Thinking of you all (big squeeze Loki x)


----------



## babas

Just wanted to say good luck ladies! I was in your place just a few months ago and go to panel at the end of April. 

I do lurk on this thread so if you need any help I'll do my best!


----------



## Loki Girl

Ladies just a quick one.  I just thought no one had wrote on the thread for a while then when I checked there was 2 pages!!! I had stopped getting notifications. That is just not on lol!!! Hopefully all ok now. 

Jen thanks for the message and think I missed your news. Are u having an appointment Fri? Fab news hunny. So pleased. Let us know how it goes. 

Well we got through Mothers Day yesterday. It was only the first bit of morning that was tough cus typically you open up ******** and all I was faced with was hundreds of posts about how lucky we are, and how spoilt I got, and pictures of things my kids made me at school, and presents I got and how I love my kids so much. It was a bit much but sure I will be doing the same in hopefully a couple of years. God that sounds so far away!!!!! But then we took the Loki monster for a lovely walk (tho typically the park seemed full of just dad's and kids!!! Guess mums were having a well earned break lol) and then had both moms and dad's for dinner and that was really nice. 

So anyways. Hi to everyone sorry for lack of personals. Jen that looks a great link by the way. Have saved it and will have a read in my lunch break. Well off to work. Have a fab week ladies xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Am at work but want to be at home! So much to do x

Babas - that would be great, we're gonna need some help through the highs and the inevitable lows!!

Loki - you're welcome! Glad u survived the day.  I had new things to worry about, my mum has met someone and first person since my dad, so had to be mature and entertain last might... it's hard x

Just want Friday here before I spontaneously combust!! We are going on holiday at 6 am sat morning and NOTHING is done!!!

Arghhhhhh xxx


----------



## Cassie78

LOKI - ******** is a nightmare.  People can make there lives sound as perfect as they want to.  Do what I did and close your account.  I got so sick of reading how lucky people were. It's so fake. My rant is now over as you can tell I'm not bitter lol 
JEN - Oh no. Was he nice though? Well done for entertaining though.  He will have being really nervous and worried you wouldn't like him.
BABAS  -  Keep lurking us newbies will probably need your guidance.


----------



## Freedo

Hiya, Loki I know how you feel with ********, I have started deleting some people ! Not giving up, the wine did help thank you, two glasses! I am back on salads this week now as been naughty this weekend and ate out in cardiff today!  Even had a sneaky look in mothercare today! Just a question who if you have yet put as references on your forms? What relationship to you? Going to fill forms in soon ready for submitting when back from New York in June!! xxx


----------



## babas

We did 3 references 1. My brother and our local support 2. OH best friends and they have children 3. A close family friend of mine and I did a lot of babysitting for her.

My mum also ended up being interviewed as she was visiting for the weekend.


----------



## becs40

We did 3 as well. My parents as they are our main support, only 1 1/5 miles away, my godparents used to babysit for them and seen us with many different children and some friends round the corner from us as they're a bit older than us and have many contacts that would be of support to us and know us both well.


----------



## Lorella

Hi Freedo,
We needed to put 3 references each. 
I put my sister - who has a 6 month old so lots of experience for me there. 
        a best friend - who has 2 kids under 7 who think of me as there auntie. Known her since school. 
        Another best friend - who lives about 3 hours away but we see them about 3 times a year and I've known her for about 18 years, since uni. 
My DH put his sister - 3 nephews
                oldest school friend - godson to eldest son
                another friend - who he sees regularly through football. 

I think you need to pick people who can talk positively about your experience with children as that's what they ask for in the reference. Also ones you can trust to big you up! Good luck xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Advice please ladies.....

Stressing about Friday.  Need to leave work early, but haven't told employer.

Dh thinks I should just say what I need the time for and it's complicated.  The things is, in my profession word spreads and don't want to be the centre of gossip, fairly private.

I also think if I tell them ss will come round on Friday and say thanks, but no thanks.  Don't know what to do.  I know I am being a faff and a worry wart.

Help xx


----------



## babas

I was very open with my employer from day one but I had to use holiday for all appointments. 

Is holiday an option? Or drs appointment?


----------



## becs40

Ah Jen not sure what advice I can give really as everyone's situation is different. My work have known before we even applied to adopt because it's just the sort of environment I'm happy discussing it in. I'm sure if you were to approach a manager and explain you want it to be treated strictly confidentially at this stage they would be ok? You could just say you don't want people to know until you're further down the line? 
And I'm sure ss won't say no thanks but I do understand your superstitions!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Things are always leaked.... and I am untrusting!!

I can't use holidays as it's a school.... I keep having doctors lol

Will see how I feel tomorrow, just scared x


----------



## Laws1612

Jensw......honesty is definitely the best idea.....im a newly quailfed nurse and been at my job a matter of months was so scared telling them I needed a couple of months off due to applying for fostering for adopt and actually they were really pleased for me amd are doing everything they possibly can.....our adoption policy also states I can take uopto 5  days off for process and meetings might be worth enquiring.....strictest confidence should mean just that....good luck let us know how you get on xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi Jen,
I sympathise.......my boss is also a wobble-gob  
I have decided to wait until we are a little bit further on until I ask for any leave, I manage to do it with a couple of early starts for an early  finish, and I have told a colleague which makes it feel easier.
Good luck today
Lil' one x


----------



## becs40

Hi Jen,
I had a thought this am that you have to provide a contact for a work reference as well. They contacted ours within a day of receiving our application which was less than a week after our assessment visit. So think about that one as if you formally apply immediately after the visit as we did then chances are someone at work will know by next week anyway? I hope this helps rather than stresses you out even more.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks for all your advise ladies.... after much faffing, I told the deputy head.  She has given me permission to leave early on Friday, but will not tell the head until we decide to proceed.  She was lovely and positive (used to work with her awhile ago, not friends, but more than colleagues, so felt safe).  Once she left my office, I cried, I am such a goon!!!
Starting to feel real and feeling emotional....hope that's normal.
Hope you are all well xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi ladies. If anyone is interested there is a documentary starting on Channel 4 tonight at 9pm. It's called 15,000 Kids and Counting and follows the adoption process. Might be interesting. 

Good luck for tomorrow Forgetmenot   Hope u have time to update us before you zoom off on your holidays x


----------



## Cassie78

I'm working nights so will record it thank you.
I've being asking for advice on the adoption uk forum.  The advice has being good.  Some of the users seem quite *****y and quite negative though but worth it if you have a specific question.  
Forgetmenot - I'm a cryer and quite an emotional person too. It's a big step and perfectly normal to feel this way.  Let the journey begin xx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck tomorrow forget me not xx🍀


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks guys x
Just got in.... Now to start cleaning!!
Don't know what to wear lol
Do I put out snacks?!
Do we sit in kitchen or lounge... The pointless questions are endless.

Irrationalness aside, I am terrified, yet excited.  I want this more than anything now, and hope they see that.  I don't want to come across to pushy, but equally want them to know, where here and ready.

I will be relieved to get it over.  Just manically trying to do a brief chronology from me and dh lives together.... So have all tx dates and details ect, really don't know what they will want and don't want that to look to full on!!

I ramble!! The big day approaches.... Yikes xx

How's everyone else? Anymore news?  xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Haven't had time to read your posts yet but looking forward to getting to know you all. 


We posted our registration of interest form yesterday and mixed emotions. Excited, scared, emotional!!


Have been volunteering with Rainbows/Brownies and DH and I have both attended  a baby and infant first aid course. 


Any help and advice would be most welcome and wishing you all the very best of luck with your journeys x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Welcome troubles.....

We have our first meeting tomorrow..... To see if 'ready' then we will be allowed to apply.... Super excited, super scared!!

Xx


----------



## Troodles

Good luck forgetmenot

I look forward t hearing how it goes. 

Big hugs x x x


----------



## Laws1612

Good luck today forgetmenot. Please let us know how you get on you will be fine big deep breaths and a cup of tea on arrival...,,hehe......xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you!
Been up since 4.30, couldn't sleep once woke!!
Just sorting final bits.... Then off to work.  So much to do before leaving as start of hols.
Will let you now x hope today will be ok and the start of a new journey, and something that we can succeed in and reach our family dream.
Xxx


----------



## Freedo

Good luck forgetmenot xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Good Luck Forgetmenot. Try to relax, be yourselves and sure it will all go brilliantly


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi ladies.... OMG epic! She has just left!!

The good news is they are not making us wait.  The bad news is it will take a few weeks to write up a report and then post to us, and from that we can make an expression of interest!!

It was ok.  She said we had a lovely home (good job dh did lots of cleaning!!)

It felt a little awkward and a little false, but we tried to be ourselves despite the situation.

So.... That's that!! Holidays in 14 hours lol!!

Now waiting again!

Thank you for your support.  Will think about all the stuff she asked and write it down later


----------



## becs40

Yay well done! At least you can relax and really enjoy your holiday now and look forward to the next stage. 
It does amaze me the differences between agencies considering the process was supposed to have been changed and simplified to the same thing last year. We had our initial visit and she said she was happy for us to proceed there and then and left the formal applications with us. We had already done expression of interest at the open evening.


----------



## Troodles

Well done forget me not. Sounds like you dido well. I can't imagine how you were both feeling. I feel sick every time e phone rings bit we only posted forms off on Tuesday so I'm jumping the gun a bit. Just don't know what to expect. 
I look forward to hearing what she asked etc. 


Have a fab holiday. Where are you going? X x x


----------



## Cassie78

Well done 4getmenot.  Enjoy your hols worry free.  
Trod less I would be the same. I'd make DH answer the phone lol.
Think we're going to go with Barnardos VA I keep delaying phoning them and I don't know why!!!!! I'm scared I think xxx


----------



## Cassie78

I meant troodles xxx blooming eye pad!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wonder if there is a template for the form.... As want to write while away....

Always wanting to get to the next step!!

Yours seem very different becs x

Troodles we are going to ireland x very excited! Not packed or anything yet.  Will type up some notes.... But it's all stuff you know . No tricks..

You sound like me... Impatient!  We, well me, is going to have to learn how to wait....  I am the person who goes in the loft to find her Christmas presents dh has hid!!


----------



## Troodles

Forgetmenot Ireland will be lovely. Just what you need to fully recharge and start thinking about your form etc.  hope you have a lovely time and some good weather. 


No worries Cassie. I've answered to much worse lol. I just wish I knew what was gonna happen next and when!!    We've all waited so long to be mummies we should have learnt some patience by now lol


Go on Cassie do it. You'll be relieved once it's done and will wonder why you were so scared. Although we're all terrified I think!!


Good luck x x x


----------



## Loki Girl

So pleased it all went well Forgetmenot. Now go off de stress and enjoy your holiday!!! Think we may take the plunge after Easter. Especially if it's going to be a few days or a week or so before we can get a visit or the initial form etc so that will give me a bit more time. I'm feeling really good about things and even told a new colleague at work who was asking if we had kids. Feel great that I can just open up about this and not hide it away like the IVF. Guess you can't really hide adoption lol.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki, do it.... When I told my line manager the other day, it felt great.... A real release and a little more real   strike while the iron is hot!!

Cassie let us know how you get on on Monday, make the call x

Will be looking in and thinking of you all.... Exciting times ahead ladies, really.  It's nice to feel positive and smile, because your happy, not just to mask the pain xx


----------



## Troodles

Hear hear forgetmenot. Here's to all of us and our new lives as mummies and daddies x x x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Lovely sentiments, ladies  

Great news forgetmenot    have a lovely hol. 

Welcome troodles  

Afm we have our aim course on Tuesday, and still waiting for our dbs which has been three weeks....tedious

Lil' one


----------



## Troodles

Thanks lil' one

Good luck for you. Can i ask what is aim course please?

Xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi Troodles
I think it stands for adoption information meeting, 
We've attended an info session, and had 2 meetings with social workers so far....
Lil' one


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun


Hope it goes really well for you Tues x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

We're on the road!!

Forgot to say, our lovely little woofer was AMAZING!!!  She was so good... It's like she knew 

Still have to fill a form in about her though xx


----------



## Troodles

Woohoo!!

Hope it's a quick, easy journey. 

Well done woofer, you deserve a big treat. Hope our cat behaves when SW comes round. X


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww such fab news on here. Everyone seems to be progressing well. Well had a chat with DH last night and we have agreed to go for it after the Easter holidays     DH at first was a bit concerned cus he said it was only a few weeks ago I was sobbing about being asked out for dinner with my pregnant friend. I pointed out that was a few weeks ago and the end of the Easter holidays is end of April then by the time they actually sent a social worker out could be another week or so. Also I'm thinking there's prob nothing too heavy in the 1st stage or am I completely wrong lol?!!!!

I also started to worry well not worry but think about something which will prob take some time. I was reading Forgetmenots fab link and was reading about putting together your history about where you have lived etc. When I was younger from the age of 18 to 27yrs I worked abroad as a nanny. I worked a year in America, a year in Canada, a year in Australia and 4yrs in Bermuda. It says I need to contact their embassies to get something or other to say I wasn't in trouble there. I'm thinking that's going to take FOREVER!!!!! Bermuda will be even more fun cus they don't even have an embassy!!! I guess social workers will be able to help but going to be such a faff. And God knows what they will charge for all that!!! I'm honestly not sure they would have a record of me would they? I don't know how it all works. But having thought about it I thought that is going to take up a wee bit more time so better get started!!!!

Anyways exciting times ahead. A friend of mine started last year, she sailed through Stage 1 got accepted onto Stage 2 and has just been giving a panel date of 28th July!!! I think it's gone super quick for her so thinking things can go pretty quick  

Anyway enough prattling, better enjoy my one day off lol. Have a good weekend everyone


----------



## Loki Girl

Glad you got off ok Forgetmenot. Have a fab time


----------



## Troodles

Loki Girl

I don't think there's ever a right or wrong time. I'm still an emotional wreck and struggle to talk about it all without blubbering. We met with a friend of a friend recently who kindly invited us round to talk about their adoption journey. I just sat in their house crying!! I worry that the SW will say I'm not ready yet but I'm glad I made that initial call. You'll be fine. We are all so strong to have got through the pain and heartache that we've suffered already.  You've got a few weeks to get used to the idea and I think you'll surprise yourself. 

Am I being really dim. It I can't find forgetmenot's link that you mentioned. 

X x x


----------



## babas

Loki sweetie be prepared to have to wait the six months. The grieving process is something that will really be prevalent in stage 2 and you need to be at a stage where you have totally accepted not having birth children. 

I hope all goes well though and they do let you start now.


----------



## Loki Girl

Troodles the link is on page 13 on Forgetmenots post. 

Thank you for your kind words. You and Babas are right. We are trying not to rush. If we get the ball started in May it will be 4mths since our last IVF. If we speak to them and find that I'm not quite there then we are happy to hold off. We always said we would not put a time limit on it and we will just make enquiries when we both feel ready. I am starting to feel more and more ready and have even now just unlinked myself from my last clinics IVF board. The ladies getting BFP haven't bothered me half as much as they did 2mths ago so that is an improvement lol. I find myself reading their posts about all the tests they have been recommended to do and find myself thinking I don't want to do all that. So think I am getting there. I don't think I will ever be 100% there but will any of us ever until we get our families?

Thanks again ladies


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Loki 

I know exactly what you mean. We've waited 6 months since last tx and I do feel stronger as each week passes. I had my normal meltdown on Mother's Day but that's normal for us isn't it. I too have taken myself off all the IVF threads only recently and yes the thought if going through all that again makes me feel sick. 

I am feeling quite positive about adoption but can't help thinking what if we're not accepted what do we do then. That's when I get panicky and want to break down. 

I'd like to think the SWs realise that we've all been through so much that even though we're ready to move forward we are still and always will grieve for our natural children. We would nt be human if we could just switch off with no feeling. 

I just know we'll get as much love and support on this side of the board as we did on the IVF side. So many wonderful people on here. I really don't think I'd have coped as well without them. 

What's a couple more months on top of how long we've waited. Then we'll have a lifetime of the joy we all deserve x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki that's fab!! Am in the car and dh is driving!! Once your out and talking about adoption it really does feel right and exciting 

I know it will be bumpy but the sw liked that I had counselling and that I still have a closing session x I was worried about that but thought be honest... Am ready to stop but think she wanted to know how we got on!!  It's in a few weeks time . We spoke about everything mc, dad and more recently adoption.

I know in my heart of hearts am ready x so dept breaths and mate the call.  We were the same, knew we were ready but prepared to take their judgement, you will be fine and I can tell you now your smile will be immense!!!

Troodles, the link was from a diff local authority but if you down load all the docs you can kinda work out the journey and there is a good thing on there re first visit x all are different so not set in stone, ours was.  Will pm you over next few days info that they wanted from us x


----------



## Troodles

Thanks forgetmenot. 

Posie just came and brought a letter saying our ROI forms have been accepted so we're officially starting stage 1 (I think!!). Got to have this form back to them by 16 April and they will be sending through elearning stuff etc. Guess what.... I burst into tears lol. Mind you I have got stupid AF at the mo (I call her Pam!) so blaming hormones for tears!!!

Think I'm going to spring clean the house now so it's ready for them. Obviously I'll clean 40 times on the day of their visit too!!

Safe journey x x x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Great  news troodles - we are at the same sstage then


----------



## Cassie78

Loki - I totally agree with forgetmenot to tell people you are adopting is so great and everyone you tell gets so excited for you.  I did have about 5 texts from friends/family telling me about that programme that was on though (as if I didn't know) I truly only feel relief that I don't have to have IVF ever again.  You will know when your totally ready Loki. My work colleagues and my friends all say they can tell I'm happy.  
Forgetmenot - what did they ask about your dad?  I'm worried I'll cry if I have to talk about my mum and it will go against me.
I'm making my call to Barnardos I think on Tuesday to get the ball rolling.


----------



## Troodles

That's fab Loki. Glad I've got a buddy x


----------



## Amoon

Hello everyone, I hope you don't mind me joining in. I have been eagerly reading all your posts and I felt we are all in the same boat!  I and my DH are nearly at the end of  stage one. We 've formally applied through our private agency at the end of January and already been to the four days prep course, handed our chronologies, Eco map and family trees. We have also sent a copy of our DBSs but still waiting for my sister's DBS as she is 18 years old and lives with us. So waiting patiently for things to move on  . 
I think we all need  good luck and smooth journeys to finally meet our beloved ones 

Love xxx


----------



## Troodles

Hi Amoon

Wishing you lots of love and luck 

X x x


----------



## Amoon

Thanks Troodles, glad that you are starting stage one hopefully soon....wish you a good luck and believe me, things will look more exciting and real when you start and attend the preparation course...mine was amazing and an eye opener as I learned a lot!!!


----------



## Troodles

Ooh any tips gratefully received!!  Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Welcome to our little board Anoon


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello Moon
Looks like you will become our oracle  
Lil'  one


----------



## Lorella

Welcome Amoon - sounds like we are at a similar stage. Good luck 🍀
Troodles - congrats on being in stage 1! 

We have our end of stage 1 meeting tomorrow! Feeling excited. So hope everything will be ok with our forms and we can get started on home study. 
Cassie - they want to talk to me about loss, will include talking about losing my dad, so I will let you know what they ask x

Had an evening around my friends last night and was so nice just talking openly about adoption and not feeling anxious or hiding things like when did the IVF. One of them is 4 months pregnant too and I am now able to talk with her happily about how we will raise our children together.
Just fingers crossed all is well tomorrow!!
Hi to all xxx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Lorella. 

Good luck tomorrow. Will be keeping everything crossed for you and look forward to hearing all about it x x x


----------



## Cassie78

Welcome Amoon 
Lorella - things are really moving on for you!! Thanks for updating me on what they ask. It's lovely that you can talk to your friend without feeling sad.
What is an eco map and a chronologie??


----------



## becs40

Cassie we've just done our Eco map and chronologies. The ecomap is like a family tree but if your support network showing who is primary, secondary support etc. the chronology is your addresses,schools and employment from birth to now and timeline if significant events such as parents divorce, marriages, losses, infertility, medical issues etc.

Welcome to the new faces, will catch up properly later as just on our way out.


----------



## Amoon

Aww thanks ladies  for the warm welcome   
Lorella good luck for tomorrow and plz keep us updated about your meeting. I guess you'll having a busy night cleaning a clean home  
Cassie I'm glad that you're feeling positive and able to talk to friends about adoption and raising children. I know how that feels. I'm very open about adoption with friends and work colleagues and they are all supportive.
pregnancy, giving birth and caring for babies have always been part of my life as a midwife....ummm  Yes a midwife  . My friends have always been wondering how I'm able to be in such profession. there have been occasions when I feel down and question if I'm in the right place. However, there's something about my job I can't explain, something kept me going all these years and made me feel happy as soon as I enter the maternity unit.I love my job and I can't see myself doing anything else. I agree  it sounds bizarre! 
I knew I can't be pregnant  long time ago so accepted this and lived with it. Now,  going through adoption , it seems that I meant to be different and special.
.Yes..We are different but we are also special and our families will be special. 

I


----------



## teamug

Hi everyone, I have been reading through some of the posts on here and have noticed some of you have mentioned an end of stage 1 meeting, we are coming up the end of stage 1, just waiting on our DBS forms to arrive and our Prep Group training days are Friday and Monday, our date for end of stage 1 should be 22nd April, our SW said we would get a letter to invite us onto stage 2, once they have received everything from stage 1 back, no mention of a meeting ? do the agencies do things differently in different areas ?  thank you


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Teamug - it sounds like different agencies do things in a different order.  We are just into stage 1 and the dbs checks was the first thing we did

Lorella - good luck for tomorrow - sooooo exciting  

Lil' one


----------



## Forgetmenot

Top of the morning to you all!!

Will be brief as away (massive charges lol) but addicted to you call!!

The toughest question asked was how would you describe your parents... Hard one of the top of your head!!!

Cassie they also wanted to know how I felt about dad's death.... Think we're trying to lead me somewhere... But managed to reign it in, and sad though sad, we know he would have been happy etc

Might have got away with it... Truth be told, you will always miss them and feel sad. But I hope that's allowed as that is normal xx


----------



## teamug

Thanks lil one, but I think the DBS should have been done at the beginning, as the SW said it hadn't gone through and she had to re-do it, just hope it doesn't hold us up.

Good luck to all, be great to keep in contact with you all as we seem at the same stage x


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Troodles,Cassie,Amoon and Lil One! 

We have just read through all of our A and B forms to refresh our memories for tomorrow. Can't wait! 

Amoon - we have to go to the office for our meeting so the house cleaning hasn't started yet, luckily! 😊

Teamug - I have found that all agencies and LAs do things differently! It's quite annoying as would be better for us if was all done the same way. I am with an LA and we finished stage 1 at the end of February. However we have had to wait for 2 months in between stage 1 and 2 due to delays and short staffing etc. 

Meeting is at 11.30. Will let you know how we get on 🙏 xxx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, welcome to all the new members, apologies I am not very good with personals but am with you all every step of the way! Hope you are having a fab hol forgetmenot. Well I have had a nice weekend went to see wicked yesterday and today had a lovely afternoon with our god daughter and friends, I was playing in the kids area by myself with her and someone asked me her age, thinking she was mine and I thought yo myself this really could be me soon!!! Just settling down to watch a film then back to work tomorrow! Enjoy the rest of the weekend all. Xxx


----------



## Freedo

Good luck lorella xx


----------



## Lorella

Freedo said:


> Good luck lorella xx


Thanks Hun. Enjoy your evening x


----------



## teamug

Good luck Lorella


----------



## Troodles

Just want to say to all night night, good luck and thanks for being so fab x x x


----------



## Primmer

Welcome to all the new members. 

Lorella - good luck with your meeting. 

We emailed sw yesterday to check that all our stage 1 papers are in other than DBS checks which we are still waiting for. Once it's all received we wait for a letter which will introduce our sw for stage 2 and give us a date for panel.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies. 
Meeting went really well 😊
Been officially accepted 'with pleasure' onto stage 2!
In fact we got our diaries out there and then and our first home study session is tomorrow! Just me in my own having attachment interview!

Panel will be in August! Now lots of tidying and biscuit buying to do 😊 xxx


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Primmer. 

Lorella FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!! Well done. So pleased for you. That's made me smile x x x


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - great news and seems to be moving quickly with your first home study being tomorrow!

AFM - our sw contacted us this morning to say that DH's ex-wife had not returned her reference, no suprise there but don't know what the solution is if she refuses to provide one?


----------



## Loopylou29

My dh ex wife refused to provide any references. Our sw got some extra references from family members and friends who knew dh when they were still together. It didn't cause any problems for us although the sw had a bit of extra work to do. Panel weren't bothered, I think they are used to it. We've adopted twice so it clearly isn't that much of a worry.


----------



## Primmer

Loopylou - thanks so much for that, stopped me panicking so much now. I did think that this must happen all the time and that there must be a way round it!


----------



## teamug

Lorella - brilliant news - must feel amazing to be moving to stage 2!    

Primmer - I hope this doesn't delay you getting to stage 2! Good luck


----------



## becs40

Lorella brilliant news! Bet you're very excited now. We should be completing stage 1 within the next couple of weeks hopefully.
So many new faces on here it's great, I'll warn you all now though that I have a dreadful memory so please forgive me for lack of personals!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies  

Lorella - fab news  

Primer - hope she pulls it out of the bag for you, but like you say....you can work around it  

Afm we are just off to out AIM course - i am excited to be doing more stuff.....

Lil' one


----------



## Loki Girl

Just a quickie to say fab news Lorella and hope your course went ok Lil One

Hope everyone has a great day


----------



## Forgetmenot

Gosh... Lots happened in two days!!
Lots of yays and congrats 
Loving Ireland xx


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies,
Just had AAI interview on my own. Lots of questions about childhood really. Asked quite a lot of questions about the loss of my dad but I was prepared for this so answered all without getting upset. 😓
SW is really lovely and made me feel very at ease. Was really nothing to panic or worry about as long as you are confident in what you are saying and can be reflective. It really made me feel like this is really gonna happen! Hope that feeling lasts as only had one meeting so far I know!  xxx

Ps. Was a bit like having free therapy!


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - glad to hear meeting went well and that you liked your SW. If this one went well then it bodes well for the rest of them.


----------



## Troodles

Glad it went well Lorella and that you're having a great time in Ireland Forgetmenot. 

Hope everyone else is ok and things going well. 

I'm not very good at personals but try my best. Lol

Lots of love to you all x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Sounds great lorella!!

Hope we can register our interest soon  

Have to wait for the first report.... is this normal? She said that she would be recommending we apply!

I have remembered a couple of other places we worked with kids, don't know if should email... Don't want to seem desperate.... Despite feeling that way!! 

Also want to ask if we have something to fill out or sign her report... Would it be ok to ask?!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies

Lorella - the aai sounds good, they told us a bit about it today.

Forgetmenot - I would contact them.....they can use the info if they need to.

Afm Aim course was really good.  Quite hard hitting as talked a lot about attachment, loss etc.....and we heard from a previous adopter which was amazing!

Thinking now what we need to do to be ready for next step.  I have a fair bit of child care experience from a previous life where i was a teachers aide and play scheme leader,  but dh only family.. what is your experience, ladies?

Lil' one


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all, 

This thread is really getting busy now, so apols for not mentioning everyone!

Lorella - you are steaming ahead!  Thats brilliant, hope it continues to go well

Forgetmenot, hope you are enjoying you holiday!  I say contact them - shows you are keen without hassling.

Lil one - i also have plenty of experience with kids but DH only ever known my nephews so hoping that wont be a stumbling block for us.

1 week and counting till our 1st meeting...  Got a busy weekend of cleaning ahead - never thought i'd look forward to that!

xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


We've both looked after our niece and nephew and spent lots of time with friends children. I've recently started volunteering with the Rainbows (group before Brownies). The were really pleased that I offered as they don't get much help. Am hoping to go to a nursery once a week and read or help. Not sure what DH is going to do. We also went on a baby and infant first Aid course so hoping that's another positive for us. It was run by the British Red Cross and cost £80 for the 2 of us. 


T x x x


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies. Feel so positive and glad things on the move after our 2 month wait in limbo land! Now got 1 meeting a week until end of May!
Forgetmenot - I say go for it 😊x
Notgivingup - 👎 cleaning! Good luck with first meeting x
Lil one - we are the same in that I have lots of experience being a teacher, nanny in the past, have 6 month old niece and been around my friends kids. But DH only has experience with his 3 nephews and that's it really. Nothing has been said so far but I will let you know if they highlight it xxx


----------



## becs40

Troodles we're going to do the Red Cross one as well. I had a look at the nct one as well but after reading someone's view of it where the teacher kept referring to the adopter on the course as a "childminder" amongst a class of parents or parents to be it put me off.
I've got personal experience of looking after children rather than any work related so mine is based on the usual baby sitting, friends children and my nephews.  DH is pretty much the same minus the babysitting! Hoping it won't be an issue but time will tell. Personally I'm not happy with the usual response from adoption agencies about volunteering at rainbow/brownies etc as fine that will help you when your child is that age but surely you need to focus on learning about the age you want to adopt?


----------



## Forgetmenot

Morning! Well I took your advise and email... What's the worst that can happen!! It's been 5 days lol x

Still loving Ireland, though want to be at home sorting . I know, sad, but!!

Lil one I might do a course, figure as main carer x

Becs I feel like you do x look after lots of kiddies, but it's not the same til they are yours not how you deal with it!! I can just go rob a baby and practise!!!

Lorella so excited for u x wish we were there all ready... Slowly learning patience!!!

Not giving up you sounded like me on the cleaning frenzy!!! It's nice to be pro active  enjoy!!  Dh is excited as I am not normally good at cleaning, he keeps saying gosh imagine, we're going home to a clean house!!!!

Thank ss for something!!!

Troodles anything new?

Think that's all! Prob missed someone, I am on my phone so sorry xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi Becs

If you haven't booked your course yet, go on Red Cross website as we got a £10 discount by registering and downloading the free app. 
I completely agree with you re Rainbows. They are 5-7 but that was the only place I could fit in with around work. Hoping to get into a nursery during lunch hour but I thought Rainbows is better than nothing. Shows willing!! Lol

Forgetmenot. No news yet. Just sent off forms for references, police checks etc so fingers crossed. 

Hi to all. Anything happening?
Xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

I just want to get started     Must learn some of your tips on patience Forgetmenot lol. Glad you are having a great holiday tho  

It was funny yesterday I thought about nothing except adoption. I was doing the guiding for an educational visit from year 2 children round our farm so they were all like 6-7yrs. In between talking bout pigs, goats and vegatables all I could do was look at these children and think I could adopt you, I could adopt you even tho they are older than we would like to adopt lol. They had such passion for learning and came up with some great ideas I really enjoyed it. Sometimes I have the worse teachers but this group was fab!! Can't wait to bring my own kids to work   Before working on the farm I was a nanny for 24yrs, I have looked after new borns, older ones, special needs and twins so there is no problem for me on that front. DH only has experience with friends kids, niece and nephew but we do run 2 Taekwon do schools as well and take little ones from the age of 4yrs so he has experience there. Hopefully that will be enough!!!

Only a couple of more weeks to go before we make the call tho DH said if I was so excited why don't we do it now. Decided not too because I am working loads over the Easter holidays as its one of our busiest times and also looking after the kids from my last nanny job a couple of days so with working 12 out of the 14 days of Easter didnt think I'd be at my best to talk to a social worker   Will wait till things calm down after Easter until the summer holidays hit   then we'll go get started. Can't wait     

Group


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki AWESOME x once you start you will be so relieved and excited x lovely to read such excitement in your post!  Am so so pleased we've been on a fairly long journey already together so seems right we should be doing this one too!!

I am busy planning on how we are going to tell key people 

Is exciting x


----------



## Lorella

Lokis girl - one of the reasons I knew adoption was for me is because I am a reception teacher and my pupils are just fantastic! I often think ' well I could easily adopt you so adopting a baby with my husband is gonna be even easier to do'. 😊 So great to hear you are getting excited! 

About telling people, I have done this slowly, just telling family and best friends at first, but now we are in home study I have set up a private ******** group for all our friends and family in our support network. I want them to be with us every step of the way as any child we bring into our lives is gonna be extra special and I want all our F and F to know what we've been through to get there so they truly understand the process and needs of an adopted child. Especially as I want my F and F to be big parts of their lives.  I can also post adoption info and links to programmes they could watch in there. I have to say every single one of them replied so positively, really excited for us, wanting to do anything they can to help etc. it's given me such a boost and I feel so positive and happy knowing I can be open with them about it all. I still haven't gone public though and won't until we get our 'yes' at panel 😊 xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

That sounds a great idea! Hopefully will do
Something similar when down the line a little!

We have only told a few people so far, but it's was great... So far all positive bar my mums flippant remark!!

I am thinking of getting our siblings together for my birthday and letting them know... It's weird having to bare your soul for want of a better word!

I know they will be chuffed but feels like this is big news... And want it to be... 

Watching dh fish... Joy of joys!


----------



## teamug

As regards to experience we are same as most I have child care experience as I have my own birth son (19 now) and I was a child minder when he was little, but my DH only has experience with nieces and nephews. We have been told we both need experience even though I have my own son that times are different now, so we have both volunteered at Rainbows and Beavers and enjoying this, and we are getting some good experience with nieces, nephews and friends children staying over  

We are excited and nervous at the same time for our first Prep Group on Friday and Monday.

Lorella - wow 1 meeting every week ! hope all goes well great stuff 

Good luck to everyone - new to this so sorry if I don't do well on all of the personals


----------



## Forgetmenot

Finally had a reply....

Along the lines of ".....as I said, form will come out with the report in due course!"

Hmmmmm annoying we have time next week to complete as on holiday, so have time to discuss and prepare, however, taking it they not ready for us yet!!!

Fustrated! But will have to wait.  On a positive she has written in up, but now needs to go for checking arghhhhhh wheels of sw turn slowly.... Must learn not personal lol


----------



## Troodles

So frustrating forgetmenot but I think we're gonna have to get use to it Hun. Seems like there's gonna be lots of waiting for forms, reports etc 


We had an email today saying thanks for your form, we will start checks etc and I will be allocating an assessing social worker over the next week but they probably won't contact you until after the Easter hols. You will shortly receive an invite to stage 1 training which will further assist you with this stage of the process. 


I've been waiting for a call saying hi I'm your SW, can I come round next week!!! Oh well gives me more time to clean then clean and clean again lol


Hi to all. Hope you're doing well 


X x x


----------



## becs40

Troodles I think they missed that bit of communication, we found out who our sw was by assumption! She was the only one that emailed us! So we assume that's who it is. Hopefully when we get to the end of stage 1 in the next couple of weeks we'll get a clearer picture.


----------



## Troodles

The system works well then Becs!! Lol   


The end of stage 1 in a couple of weeks. That sounds good! Look forward to hearing how you progress xx


----------



## becs40

Well we hope so Troodles. Sw said the date for end of stage one was 27th April so I guess that's assuming everything is back by then. I have a medical condition which they'll need to write to my consultant about but think he's retired and the communication at the hospital is at best appalling! I've only seen him 3 times since being diagnosed 6 1/2 years ago and one of those appointments wasn't necessary so think ss will have fun with that one!


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Hun. I've also got a medical condition and contacted the hospital today asking if they could do a letter/report saying that I am healthy enough to look after a child. Not expecting a reply any time soon but thought I'd ask now as I know what they're like!!  Good old NHS X


----------



## becs40

Drives you potty doesn't it. It's so infuriating when clearly if you've seen a consultant 3 times in 6 1/2 years for a total of 15 minutes it must have a real impact on your life eh? Think I'm not due back for another  3 years either lol!


----------



## Troodles

Oh yes that must be bad.  Clearly will need a very long report that will take a very long time!! Lol x


----------



## babas

Becks40 I have a medical condition and again hadn't seen the specialist for ages. My medical took 4 months to come through and we did a lot of chasing!


----------



## Troodles

Blimey Babas, you must have been tearing your hair out waiting for that!!!

Hope all going more smoothly now x


----------



## becs40

Oh yikes babas I really hope not! It certainly won't be worth the wait, it'll be "Becs has xyz, she will have another MRI in 3 years and it has no affect on day to day life or life expectancy"
There I've done it can't they just accept that, it's crazy! It did take 6 months to get my driving licence renewed because dvla sent back to GP, GP sent back to dvla, then dvla sent to consultant and back again all the time allowing up to 6 weeks for each bit!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

So much red tape re medical etc, I guess they need to be seen to be doing everything although they know you'll be great mummies  

Sounds like each authority do things in slightly different order.

I may look at the red cross course,

Lil' one


----------



## teamug

Good evening all, hope you are all well

We had our first Prep Group today, it was a very large group, we met some lovely people today and where surprised how many lived in our town. 

It was very interesting with guest speakers - An adoptee (adult adopted lady) she spoke of her experience which was great to listen to, also a foster carer who told us lots of stories of children she had fostered, an amazing lady. Then we also had a paediatric doctor to talk about all of the different ways the adopted children can be affected with disorders and disabilities etc.

Lots of home reading and a couple of forms to complete over the weekend ready for the next day on Monday


----------



## babas

It wasn't too bad as I was allowed to start stage 2 without it!

I did a first aid course with NCT which was £25.00 for those interested.


----------



## Lorella

Teabag - glad you are enjoying prep. We lovedit xxx


----------



## Cassie78

Hello everyone. So pleased people are progressing well and enjoying the process so far.  
Becs - I really wouldn't worry about your medical at all.  Although the waiting is very frustrating.
Forgetmenot - get them all told!!! You won't regret it.
Loki - I can't wait either. I'm waiting till end of April purely cos then it will have being six months after IVF although it feels like about  2 years ago now!!
I'm leaning towards Barnardos though not my LA xxx
Have a good weekend everyone and Teamug get that forms filled in xxx


----------



## Cassie78

Sorry Teabag not Teamug xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

That's fab Cassie. We'll be making phone calls at the same time   It will be 4mths for us so hopefully they will let us start. Feel really ready now. 

Glad prep went ok Teabag. It always sounds scary but doesn't seem so bad lol. Guess we'll find out sooner or later!!!

Have a good weekend everyone


----------



## Troodles

Good luck with those calls girls. You'll be so pleased once you've done it. 


Glad prep went well Teabag. Onwards and upwards!!!


I've just scrubbed our ensuite with a toothbrush. Think I'm going slightly mad!!! Lol


Have a great weekend everyone x x x


----------



## Loki Girl

Troodles     Hope she appreciated lol!!! I'm going to be soooooooo the same


----------



## Troodles

Loki 


We haven't even got a social worker yet. That's the mad thing. 


Gawd knows what I'll be like once we have a home visit arranged lol   


Xxx


----------



## teamug

Morning All

You have all made me laugh calling me "teabag" he he  

Troodles - love the cleaning the ensuite with a toothbrush!

Bit disappointed this morning as the SW from prep group hasn't e mailed us the forms we need to complete for Monday yet, hope she gets it done. And we are supposed to be watching a video link she is meant to be sending too 

Have a great weekend everyone  x


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - oh no! I am so sorry. I think that was me starting that off and getting it wrong....hee, hee. They can be quite slow at getting paperwork out. Hope you get your forms soon 😊

Good luck with calls girls 🍀

Troodles - that's funny! When the SW first came to ours she didn't even ask to look around! I actually had to ask her if she wanted a tour! No way was she getting out of the house without it after all the cleaning/tidying we'd done! 

Have good weekend everyone xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi everyone,

Lots of us now which is great! As I've mentioned my memory is rubbish so can't remember if I'd mentioned but on mumsnet adoption forum one if the members has posted loads of links to adoption related programs. There's a really good series following 4 couples adopting and another 3 parter focussing on a child protection team. All really interesting watching and would recommend. The series on the adopters was probably about 15 years ago and lots has changed but not so far from how things are now.
Anyway we're having a quiet weekend for a change just pottering so just cooking a ham this afternoon and getting some washing done.
DH told his dad we would be getting rid of at least 1 of our spare beds in a few months so he could have it if he wanted, turns out he wants it now. I'm a bit unnerved by it really as just feel so superstitious that if we get rid of the bed in preparation for lo then we won't be approved! Completely irrational I know but also means will be looking at empty room waiting for lo for months.
Keep telling myself that even if we weren't adopting chances are we'd have got rid of it and put 2 singles in there for my nephews anyway but we probably wouldn't have done lol!


----------



## Troodles

Hahaha Teamug. That's made me chuckle. Hope you got your forms. 

Lorella I can just picture a SW being frogmarched round the clean and shiny house lol

Becs. I know what you mean. We have a guest room and study. Really want to get them sorted but don't want to tempt fate. Keep thinking about starting to get the hose child safe/friendly but worried for the same reasons.

What to do?

X x x x


----------



## Cassie78

Morning all.  Do any of you think it's worth me arranging voluntary experience with children now?  I'm sure I have to as I've never worked with kids and only babysat nieces nephews who are now 11 and 15!  So a little old now.  I've never really taken care of by brother in laws as there scared of our dog (drives me mad but that's another story). And I don't see my other brothers children much. 
Anyway I'm chuffed to say I'm going to a christening today and I have absolutely no sad/envious feelings creeping up!!  It's amazing, only 3 months ago I would have being crying and refused to go and poor DH would have had to lie for me!!!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies  

Did your forms come through, Teamug?  It is frustrating sometimes,  waiting for things.  We are waiting for links to start our online stuff.  I try and tell myself that there are lots of couples they are juggling  

Troodles - i am a clean freak, too, nothing wrong with that!  

Cassie - firstly   for going to the christening - can be tricky those..... I think some child care experience would be good, even to show your commitment.

Troodles & Becs - I know what you mean about the rooms.  We have one set up as a spare and one as a study.  How soon to you start without looking like some weirdo - Mrs Haversham-stylie?  

Have a great Sunday ladies, off to cry at the London marathan - so inspirational some of those folks  

Lil' one


----------



## becs40

Yay Cassie to the christening! I know exactly how you feel, it's like you can finally get back to enjoying life fully again! Hope you have a wonderful day!

Well the spare bed is definitely going today   but we are definitely not going to be doing anything with it yet. It will need to have a plaster skim before decorate so that can be done in a couple of months.


----------



## teamug

Morning All

Still no e mail with forms yet!  frustrating as SW said we have to do them ready for Monday (which of course is now tomorrow) hope I put correct e mail down, oh well maybe they will come today.......

We have a spare bedroom ready with a single bed in it too, though it would need to be decorated once we know what our child would like, so it just stays as it is for now.

Becs40 - Will have a look at the other forum for those programmes thank you

Cassie007 - yes go for it, our SW loved it that we had taken our own initiative and already looked in childcare experience I am a helper at Rainbows and my DH for Beavers. A few people on Adoption UK forum are having trouble getting any replies from people they have contacted so get on it as soon as you can  

Have a super Sunday


----------



## teamug

Hi All, after looking on mumsnet have found this - Wanted: A Family Of My Own airs on 24 April at 9pm on ITV

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2602298/Adoption-making-Nicky-Campbell-adopted-baby-hopes-new-series-inspire-parents-children-home.html#ixzz2yl7MkACS

Make sure you set up to record ready I have sounds great - Thanks Becs40


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - thanks for the link. Looks a really good series 😊

Can totally relate to the spare rooms. We moved to our new house Sept 2012 and since then our 2 spare rooms gave been left in limbo. One is my DHs overflow room with his wardrobe in it and a sofabed and the other has some drawers and a filing cabinet and that's pretty much it! We were just starting IVF then so we were planning on waiting to see what happened with that and now need to wait to see what happens with this! Can't wait to change them into proper rooms 😊

Cassie - yay! It's such a nice feeling now not getting upset with baby things. Have a lovely day. I had my first such feeling only last week when my friend told me she was preggers. For the first time I was genuinely pleased for her without feeling upset. Such a good feeling 😊

Have a great day everyone xxx


----------



## teamug

Quick update - finally the e mails have arrived - lots to watch and forms to complete this afternoon / evening now,  (after DH has watched the footy of course!)  ready for tomorrow not given much time


----------



## Forgetmenot

Nice to have a quick catch up!

Hoping my form will be waiting when home on sat but I doubt it!!!

We love ireland.... It's so vast.

Will keep checking in when signal and catch up properly when back.

Take care all and good luck for this weeks ventures xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi All.....sorry I disappeared for alil while been really busy have been trying to keep up but think I need to be paid by fertility friends for all the time I spend on here lol....we have been formally approved and now have a named social worker so very excited....
Teamug we have our prep course next month....how you finding it is it helpful? Have you learnt anything new.

Xxxx


----------



## becs40

Great news Laws. It seems ages since we did our stage 1 prep day but I guess not that long really. We're due to finish stage 1 end of April hopefully so we have our stage 2 prep days booked in. The stage 1 we found really good, they seemed to cover so much in just 1 day. Particularly enjoyed hearing from someone who has just adopted as it just made you sit and think, she'd applied exactly 1 year ago from the day of the course. So in that year she had been approved, matched and had her child home with her and was then talking to us about it. Hers was an unusual case as she was looking for a child with special needs so there weren't too many like her to choose from so they had pre linked her with her daughter before approval so they did approval and matching panel the same day.


----------



## teamug

Good evening all

We had our day 2 Prep Group today - and yes Laws, it was helpful, I think it depends on how much research you have already done as to if there is anything new that you didn't already know about, the best bits I found useful / interesting were the guest speakers we had come along - today an adopter of a group of 3 siblings came in to talk about her experience - this was great, and also a lady from CAFIS reference the contact between you and the birth parents, the group activities we did were very useful too, they make you see things from the eye of the children. Also was great to met others in the same stages as us, we all shared our e mail addresses so hope to keep in touch. 

Just waiting on DBS certificates now then we should be ready for stage 2 !  so exciting can't wait to get onto stage 2


----------



## Forgetmenot

Itching to get back to see if forms have arrived!!

Want to formally apply.... Sounds exciting the prep courses, want them booked xx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is ok.? Forgetmenot not hope you enjoyed Ireland .
Well I have a bit of an update, I had an email last week from the boss of the social work team in the la I work for on fri asking me to give her a call, I was out of the office so spoke to her this morning. She said the sw who came to see us was very positive about us, but she thinks it would be better for us if we got assessed by a neighbouring authority which is also a bigger authority as she feels there would be a conflict of interest with me knowing a lot of staff including representatives of the panel. So I rang the neighbouring authority and spoke to the boss there and she said someone would call me back which they did, they were lovely and understood why I was doing it, so I have given them my details they are sending me forms and we will attend the info evening on 11 June, and we will go to the training on 23/24/31 July! 
So getting a bit excited now!! Sorry for lack of personals xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi Freedo - brilliant news - good luck


----------



## Lorella

Hi Freedo
Exactly same thing happened to a couple on my prep course. They are from and work for a neighbouring county. Both social workers. Not held them back though and they are both in stage 2 like us 😊👍xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Its all gone very quiet on here!  Where have you all gone?! I hope you are all ok and enjoying the lovely sunshine this easter!

Forgetmenot - have you had it yet?

AFU, after our cleaning frenzy, we had our first meeting and it was great - they were really reassuring about some concerns i had and appeared to be very efficient and professional so we're going to register our interest with them officially - hopefully over the weekend if i can get DH to recall all his previous addresses over his 39 years on this planet (and a few on another planet i suspect sometimes!    
They didnt even look around the house - but were happy with what we told them and couldnt see any reason why the journey can't commence.  It feels so liberating to be in driving seat to becoming a family again.

hope to hear from you soon!

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Great news lovely! We are still away.... Had a lovely time but itching to get home 
Hope it's there!
Then we can register our interest too!
Do they write a report from the visit?
Seems weird the differences b/w authorities xx


----------



## Troodles

That's great not giving up. Really pleased. So glad it went well. 


Forgetmenot you must be tearing your hair out!!!


No news this end. Waiting forms/w to be allocated and get in touch. 


Hope you're all well and enjoying the sunshine.


----------



## Lorella

Notgivingup - yay! Great news Hun. 

I have my ASI interview tomorrow. Will let you know how I get on. 
Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good to hear how that goes.... Good luck! Xx


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Lorella x


----------



## notgivingup

Good Luck Lorella.

Forgetmenot - you must be going mad, wondering and waiting.  We were told they write a brief summary report for their manager which is read alongside our registration form and then they contact us within 5 working days to start making arrangements/booking prep days and starting paperwork off.  

x


----------



## Forgetmenot

I pray it's there on Friday as will complete and drop in Monday!!

Hope the register of interest form isn't too long....though sure it will be  xx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all......we waited about two weeks to hear back and book first formal visit.....prep course was booked on  initial appointment....we sent roi back same day.....forgetmenot im sure it will be there how exciting for you..... im sure the suspense is killing you xxx
I hope everyone is getting ready for easter weekend....notgivingup it has gone quiet think most of us are at the same point hopefully in a couple of weeks we will be busy busy again with forms.....any of you attending babyshow at nec in may for some ideas xxx


----------



## Primmer

Hi - not much happening for us at the moment, so frustrating. Our DBS is still not back after 120 days! They have apologised and said its due to lack of resources in certain police forces and that they will chase the police daily for a response. Really hope we hear something soon. Also think that DH's ex has not returned her reference. We are in limbo at the moment as at end of stage 1 but can't progress to stage 2 until DBS and ex reference is sorted.


----------



## becs40

Notgivingup great news! Sounds very similar to our la's way of doing it. They didn't look round our house either. I know what you mean about addresses though! I had to ring my mum every 5 minutes and the early ones we had no idea of house number so had to just put street and town.
Laws I'd love to go to the baby show but would feel like tempting fate this early on but next year will hopefully be too late 😞.
Primmer that's frustrating about your DBS, ours came back yesterday so I emailed sw to ask if we need to send them to her and if there was anything else outstanding still. I didn't get a reply and she only works mon-weds so will be next week now.
Forgetmenot you must be constantly thinking about being back home and getting things going but make sure you enjoy your hols too.
Hello to anyone else.


----------



## Cassie78

Primmer do you think it's a little bit daft of them to expect someone's ex to write a reference?  I mean it's unlikely she sees you both on a weekly basis and knows you as a couple!! 
Nothing happening with me at the moment so no update.


----------



## rsm

Hi all,
I've been lurking but not posting because I haven't been able to get onto a computer and I'm rubbish at posting from my phone !
We've got our first training day on Tuesday - quite nervous really as no idea what to expect...
Just finishing off the final touches to our workbook which has to be sent next week and still waiting for our DBS forms to come back. I've tracked them online and they still seem to be in stage 4 which is the police records bit - the final bit before the certificate. It's so frustrating.
How long did you all have to wait for your DBS certificates? Just want to know how long is realistic before I start calling them to hassle them. Would hate for Stage 2 to be held up because of that.
Enjoy the Easter weekend ladies and the sunshine while it lasts


----------



## Loki Girl

Nothing much to report from me either, just counting down days till we make the call    

Forgetmenot - sounds like you are having a great time in Ireland, hope its all systems go when you get back lol.

Great news for others on prep groups and forms and training.  Will be prepared for a long wait for DBS forms etc to come back and all my travelling history - know thats going to take a long time to sort out so the sooner we get started the better  

Hope everyone has a lovely Easter and not eating too many easter eggs - just think for some of us next year we could be buying for our little ones     (think realistically for us it will prob be year after but we'll get there)


----------



## becs40

Re DBS checks We didn't get the chance to check progress online but for us but dh got his certificate back 2 weeks 3 days and mine was 2 weeks 5 days so not long at all. 

RSM I really enjoyed our first day training. There was a lot packed into the day, there were dvd's, chat with a recent adopter, lots of work looking at the sorts of things the children will have experienced etc. It was also nice to meet other couples at the same stage. You'll enjoy it and get a lot from it I'm sure. Do remember to participate as much as you can as well as the sw's will be feeding back to your sw.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies 😊
ASI interview went really well. She said I am securely attached so that's good!
Had to choose 3 close people and talk about my relationship with them really. 
Nothing to shocking or that I couldn't answer thank fully. 

Have good Easter weekend everyone xxx


----------



## Troodles

Glad you enjoyed it Becs. Can't wait till we're started with all that. 

Lorella so glad it went well. What does securely attached mean?  Good at forming relationships etc.

Hi to everyone one else and have a great weekend x x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Good luck ladies - you will be fine xx


----------



## teamug

Good evening everyone, sounds like good news from everyone we are all moving onwards - we too are waiting on our DBS forms - the only thing now waiting on to reach stage 2 which we have been told stage 1 end date is 22nd April, so hope we get our certificates next week then be ready for stage 2  happy days 

Have a great Easter


----------



## Forgetmenot

Heading home  sad and excited... Keep fingers and toes crossed for a package!!!
Marking tomorrow or an application?! 
Yikes!!
Had an amazing time.... soon back to work and to face the boss, gulp!!
Happy Easter everyone xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Oooh exciting - fingers crossed Forgetmenot. Glad you had a lovely time. DH just booked tickets to Rome for my birthday in July   Hopefully will be well into the process by then so will prob be a lovely welcome break lol. Let us know if you get it


----------



## Forgetmenot

Still travelling!!!

Half an hour from home....

Tired.com


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all.....just an update all is happpening now.....security checks been sent, references sent out and medicals booked plus meeting with social worker for rest of end stage one things....can't believe it is going so quick im so excited....cant image what ill be like for prep courses and stage 2  lol....hapoy easter everyone.....im in work til monday and was there yesterday too might just pull up a bed and stay haha xxx I hope your paperwork was there forgetmenot xx


----------



## Troodles

Teamug hope the DBS comes back quickly. 
Forgetmenot. Glad you had a good time and hope you get caught up on some sleep and those forms are there for you. 
Lokigirl that sounds amazing. Would love to go to Rome. It'll be the perfect break for you. We've just booked a week in Spain for July. 
Laws all sounds good. Pants that you're working this weekend though!

Have a lovely day all. Think us going to be another sunny one 

X x x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies  :

Laws - glad everything is moving on for you

Forgetmenot - hope you had a good sleep after your break.  Sounds like they're all different, our roi was triggered by the team following an interview with them.


Teamug - we're still waiting for dbs, our has been out for a month......hope it comes soon.....   Rsm - how do you check progress online?

Lorella - glad the interview went well, phew!

Afm we are busy with our workbook.  An admin mix up means we will only have 3 weeks to get it done, also because we go on holiday just before the end of stage one  .....we will be fine, I am quite enjoying it, and it gets you talking about all the admin stuff again.
Have the family coming over for Easter Sunday so lots to prep today.

Have a good Easter if i don't post again, ladies!

Lil' one


----------



## rsm

Good luck with the workbook lil'one. 

Spent 3 hours yesterday finishing ours off and it's DONE!! Best feeling ever when it's complete. Will send it next week then we have our SW coming round to go through it I think. 

I just wish our DBS would come back. Might ring the number and see what's going on might give them a bit of a nudge - it's been 4 weeks since they were sent and been in the final stage for about 3 and a half of those!!

I'm off to find an Easter egg now !! Happy Easter lovely people x


----------



## Troodles

Just got our medical forms through. Need to book an appointment with our GP. Am off next week so gonna hit the gym every day and try and shift a few more llbs before I see him!! Lol x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Home!

Knackered, but forms here.  Not much to complete for the ROI.  So will get it done and hand in on Tuesday.

We only need three referees as a minimum who have known us as a couple.  It's not actually that clear that bit.  Now don't know who to pick, not that we have many friends, the family one is tricky as not to cause offense! But workshop day is week Tuesday (boss will kill me) or end of May.  Not sure what to do.  Does it make a differences if get that bit done quicker to the 2 month process?

Anyway happy it's here.  Feels surreal.  Now to join troodles and get to the gym (as emphasised in our report lol).  Weird reading about yourselves on paper.... 

Happy days xx


----------



## babas

RSM the final stage can last 60 days then a chase gives them a final 10 working days and a further 10 after that. Ours were sent in in October and came back in feb and march!


----------



## rsm

You're joking babas - that's a right pain as it will hold up going into Stage 2
;(


----------



## teamug

RSM / Lil One - I called the number to chase our DBS forms last week - he said they are with DBS now so shouldn't be too much longer not sure what that actually means but nothing I could say would chase them any quicker   fingers crossed we both get them through soon.   and they don't hold up stage 2!

Forgetmenot - Glad you got your papers - full steam ahead now 

Laws - its a great feeling actually starting to do some thing isn't it 

I am so into this now, adoption has taken over everything for me, so excited and on a high after prep group days and so close to next stage - Roll on stage 2


----------



## babas

I'm not sure RSM we were allowed to start stage 2 without them.


----------



## Forgetmenot

I would if they do diff checks as my last school one in sept took 4 days... I thought they were much quicker these days?

I hope they all come back soon ladies... It's stressy when you are waiting... And frustrating (we are going to be good at it am sure busy by the end!!)

What happens on day 1 of prep day x


----------



## becs40

It must be so frustrating for you waiting for the DBS. I thought centralising it was supposed to speed things up.,ours took less than 3 weeks from submitting to having the certificate in our hands, it seems crazy it can take months in other cases. I would be really peeved!
The workbook that you're all referring to is that the big list of questions about your entire life? Where it asks you about childhood, school, losses etc?  We've done that and financial statement and the ecomap and family tree but not a workbook as such?


----------



## rsm

Yes becs the workbook is that big list of questions, ecomap etc etc

Such a relief it's done !


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - thanks 😊. Yes it means exactly that. Good at forming healthy relationships with family and friends. Trip to Spain sounds great. We are going to good old Cornwall! Hope it's a sunny summer! 
Forgetmenot - yay! Glad you've got your forms. Day 1 of prep for us was learning all about attachment. 
Lokis Girl - I am very jealous of you going to Rome. I went a few years ago now and would love to go back. Was amazing! Have a fab time 😊
Lil one - thanks 😊 and good luck with your workbook 🍀
Becs - we didn't have to do a workbook. We were sent one to look through before attending prep but we didn't have to fill any of it in. I think different LAs/agencies do things differently. We just filled in the forms you are talking about. 

Hi to all 👋

AFM - nothing to report. At last SW meeting we talked briefly about matching! Was very exciting. She said that she was matching children with adopters quite quickly. I so hope we get our dream of our family for Xmas🙏 xxx


----------



## becs40

That's a relief, thought I was missing something.  I think we've done everything now and think everything is back with sw re checks etc  hoping we'll hear back from sw next week, she said end of stage 1 should be 27th April but we've had very little contact with her since starting. I just want to get through it all as quickly as possible.
Lately I just keep getting these feelings that something will happen to stop us being approved, I guess it comes from years of things not going right you learn to expect the worst. I know in ourselves there's no reason not to be approved but keep thinking something will happen out if our control to put an end to it. I guess things like family illness etc. my parents aren't young, dad is 70 and until Xmas was in very good health. However just before Xmas he got food poisoning and he lost a lot of weight and just hasn't got back to normal yet. He's still been losing weight so is going to the dr. Some of it is because as I pointed out to my mum she is obsessed with her losing weight so is very careful about what they eat. As they're together all the time he by default  eats what she does so that's not helping. 
Trying to keep positive but then old superstition creeps in and tells me not to get my hopes up or I'll get the dose of reality as usual!


----------



## rsm

OMG Becs I could have written your post !

It must be natural to feel that way - I have been feeling what if for a while now. 

I'm sure all the disappointments we've faced with fertility treatments haven't helped. However a friend who has two adopted children said to me right at the very beginning 'at least you know 100% you will have a child at the end of it' - I've held onto that and trying hard to focus on that thought. 

We will get there I'm sure and in the meantime we have this lovely group if we get an attack of the wobbles !!


----------



## becs40

Ah thanks rsm that makes me feel so much better to know it's not just me! DH and I even talked the other day about what we would do if something came up now and he just said we'd have to put it back and apply again later on! I just don't know if I could set myself up for that fall again I'm just starting to believe that we're not meant to be parents. Hoping this is just time of the month making me feel uber emotional and paranoid and I'll feel better in a few days. 
Oh to have a crystal ball eh!


----------



## Lorella

Hey Becs. Just wanted to say don't worry if you don't hear anything for a bit. We waited 2 months from the end of our stage 1 date until starting stage 2 due to waiting for a reference that never came in the end and short staffing! Although was a pain being in limbo I just wanted to reassure you that it happens all the time and doesn't mean there's a problem. 

Also I went through those feelings , totally normal after all we've been through. I don't think I will feel totally at ease until we get that yes at panel!
I am sorry to hear about your dads health worries. I have been worried as my mother in law has just been diagnosed with cancer, since handing in forms saying she was fit and well. 
I told SW only this week as we've just had her treatment plan through. I was really worried she would say couldn't go ahead as she a big part of our support network etc. However she said it wouldn't be a problem and even with worst case scenario with her health the SW said it might just mean we have to take a few months break. Hope this reassures you that problems can arise but it doesn't mean the process will stop for us 😊. Big hugs xxx


----------



## becs40

Thanks Lorella,
My father in laws partner has also been diagnosed with cancer. Sadly it looks terminal and probably not long but we don't have much to do with fil or her. Not a bad relationship but not close. Dh's mum died when he was 4 and fil never got over her death so was not a big part of bringing up DH so they live their own lives. We of course will support him where we can but they tend to not want anyone around. We've been married 7 years and I've never been in their house in that time so hoping this won't have any effect on us either. My parents are very close in relationship and distance so they're a big part if our support network. DH is much closer to my parents than his own father.
It's just such a horrible feeling that your life is in the hands of others all the time.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies

I too am having those feelings of doubt....that it will happen......we have been given 'almost guarantees so many time that it clouds your faith.    

Sorry to read of the health concerns you guys have about your loved ones ,  

My mil is getting a bit frail too, she is 84  

Lil' one


----------



## Forgetmenot

Echo that x and only just starting x however, there is hope, and real possibilities x

I feel for you all with ill and ailing parents, it's a difficult time, having been there and when emotions are heightened as well as the enormous sense of pressure we are feeling in our own quest to be parents...

It's not easy ladies,  keep talking, have faith xx


----------



## becs40

Hi lil one and forgetmenot

It's nice to know there are a few of us feeling like this. We need to get positive! So how do we do that lol! 

DH did say today after I'd bought him a Percy pig Easter egg that next year we'll be buying them for our little ones! That's a nice thought.


----------



## Laws1612

Aww becs that is a lovely thought how exciting.....some of us on this thread could even me done by christmas.....that's exciting hehe xxxxx night all xxx happy Easter xxx


----------



## Lorella

Ladies - if you look at thread 'adoption buddies aiming for approval Spring/summer' you will see that every single one who has gone to panel has got through. It's so lovely to see that list of mummies to be growing every week! This will be us soon 😊. 
We will all get there supporting each other on the way! Can't wait! Xx


----------



## becs40

Good point Lorella! 
And Laws how lovely would that be by Christmas! I know everyone that has children placed with them close to Christmas has advised to keep things quiet and as low key as possible but just to have them at home for Christmas would make it the best ever!
Is anyone else looking to be approved for siblings?


----------



## Troodles

Sorry about all your families ill health, hope things start to improve and treatment works. 


I'm also having loads of doubts that we won't be approved and not get to panel. I'm so scared of the thought of this being the end of the road. I don't know what we'd do   


Really think my weight and diabetes will stop us. Want to be positive but it's so hard. 


So glad I've got you lot


----------



## Forgetmenot

Happy Easter everyone... Here's hoping next year we'll have been up bright and early doing our Easter egg hunts with excited kiddies!!

We're going to sit down and do our form this afternoon.  I am going around to see one of our friends who is going to be (hopefully) our referee.... and go from there.... Yikes!  Feel so so nervous, very weird feeling.

Then some planning for work next week.... and plan how to tell my actual boss, boss!!


----------



## Lorella

Ah we must help each other to stay positive ladies. 
Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes thats my motto 😊x
Good luck forgetmenot 🍀

We put siblings down Becs but the more we get through this process, the more I keep thinking one at a time will be enough! We want as young as possible so we would be looking at a 1 and 2 year old. We knew that would be hard work but now realise it would be really hard work! We still haven't ruled it out though. We are just going to wait and see what we get approved for and what matches come up 😊xxx


----------



## becs40

Same here Lorella,

It's such a toughie. We would like 2 children and if we did it separately I don't think we would do it twice. Partly because of going through all this again but mainly because I think it would cause so much disruption for our already placed child. I think a child that has already gone through so much to just get settled then have another child thrown into the mix would just be too much. So we will look at matches and hope there's a pair that will be a good match. We also would like 1 as young as possible but all these programs recently have given serious food for thought on our upper age for the older child. I think DH would be great with an older child too rather than a baby.


----------



## Forgetmenot

We also said yes to siblings, but like you want young as possible.  That sounds harsh, but we also thought that we shouldn't then out an age on it, as what's to say the prefer child for us is 26 mths and not under 24!

I kinda have in my head, one 0-2 or two 0-4, but will be guided....

At this point, I just want to get approved.... Seems a long road ahead, but getting ready!

I think we all peaked with excitement and now waiting makes you question and self doubts come in.... Once we're all bogged down with homework, we'll be back up on top... And the excitement creeps in as each successful meeting happens etc!

As lorrella says, we will get there xx


----------



## teamug

Morning Girls happy Easter 

We are thinking of siblings, but will wait and see what happens as we get through the process, we are a little older than most in our group here I think and looking at a little older if we only go for one we would like the age to be around 4 so we are the ones to help get her settled into school, if we do get siblings we would look at the youngest being 4 and the eldest about 7. 

Wow how good would it be to have children for Xmas   be great to see us all moving through this and getting to matching panel by the end of this year   

Good luck and wishes to us all


----------



## Loopylou29

Hi all,

I just want to say something about ages for matching. They are only a guide and not set in stone. If you are approved for 2 aged 0-3 there is nothing stopping you being matched with a 1 and 4 year old. The sw would cover in the mp report why you are the best match. Likewise if you are approved for a 2-5 year old there is nothing to stop a match with a 18month old going ahead.

The sibling question comes up often. We have half siblings who were placed separately. We were approved for siblings initially but had a single child placed and their half sibling followed 18 monthslater. Ss approached us first to have sibling placed with us.


----------



## becs40

Thanks Loopylou,
I had worried after watching 15,000 kids that ss were just automatically ruling out anyone who had said up to 4 when they were looking for Lauren at 5. That's what appeared to be happening in the program but whether it actually was I don't know. I'd previously assumed it would be matching panel that would agree the match as part if the matching if it were outside original approved age.
Can I ask how you found it with your older child when their half sibling arrived 18 months later? My main worry as above has been it would be too much for the older child but I guess it varies tremendously on the child and situation?


----------



## Loki Girl

Happy Easter everyone!!!! Hope u have all got a little Easter egg and happy to read all the positives thoughts about us all having our little ones next year. Even if we don't make it for Easter I'm betting for many of us 2015 will be our year  

We also want siblings cus like some one said we don't really want to go through the process twice. Wheras it might be hard work with dealing with 2 children (I would actually love 3 but don't think financially we'd be approved for that lol) that might have different issues I would rather tackle it all head on and deal with both at same time. I have looked after a huge arrange of children from my Nanny career including some who had issues which were mainly due to their parents!!!! I had a 6yr old threading suicide because his mother was falling apart after splitting with his father, a 4yr old who continually threatened to kill me for 3mths before after 3mths turning  into a lovely little girl and then I found out she had been through 6 nannies before me who never stayed longer than 3mths cus the mother was so horrible to work for.  Broke my heart that I left after 7mths cus I couldn't stand it any longer and this child was just in pieces. It was so horrible but had to do it for me. The Down's syndrome little girl who adored her father but then he ran off with someone else and refused to see her anymore. And finally the 2yr old little boy adopted from Columbia who's parents had me to look after him Mon - Sat including the nights, the cleaner on Sun mornings and they would have him sun afternoon!!!!

Dealing with all these children on my own and trying to make their lives as stable as possible for the times I had them surely will stand me in good steed lol!!!

You can see why I had to completely change jobs when doing IVF!!!! I am so not stressed at all working in the farm lol. 

Anyways 1 more week to go and we are going to make the call then I can join in with talks of waiting and forms hahaha!

Off to take the Loki dog for a big walk, dinner at the MIL's then Spider-Man in 3D. A pretty nice Easter Sun me thinks  

Have a good one ladies and keep up the support. We will all get there


----------



## Lorella

I don't mind going through process again but I would love to adopt two children who are biologically related. It would be great to have the opportunity to adopt siblings the way you have loopylou but I guess there is no gaurantees another sibling will come along. Will just have to wait till matching.... We will know the right LO/LO's when we see their profiles I am sure 😊😊

Gosh Loki Girl! You will def have lots of experience with your work history 😊

We are spending day with SIL, BIL, MIL and 3 nephews! 
Have good day everyone xxx


----------



## Loopylou29

Becs

Our eldest has coped really well although we have had a bit of jealously but nothing different from bc. The key is preparing them for a new arrival which is appropriate for them. We never used any books with ds1 we just did lots of talking. Ds1 was at nursery so they helped as well. He remembered living with fc and was able to understand that someone else was looking after lo.
He has done really well and is a proud big brother. 
Going through the process second time is fairly straightforward if you are using the same agency.


----------



## becs40

Thanks loopylou that is good to hear. It's such an unknown I just hope it gets clearer as we go through the process. I think it's something we'll have to judge when we see profiles re sibling groups. Glad your lo's have settled well.


----------



## notgivingup

Afternoon all, 
Hope everyone had a lovely Easter and you got some chocolate treats for yourselves!  Just been reading up on the last few days of posts - Myself and DH have said a few times this weekend 'wonder if we'll be doing an egg hunt for our own LO this time next year'!  What an truly exciting thought after many years of disappointment and uncertainty.  Lets make 2015 our year Ladies!
I'm sure our process will be slowed down and put on hold at some point as my father is terminally ill but our agency have been so supportive and reassuring that things can go at our speed and not theirs, as long as they have in writing from us that its our decision to stall when we need to.  But until then, we hope its full steam ahead and waiting patiently for their call this week to hopefully accept us onto stage 1 and get this ball rolling.
We change our minds daily on how many we would like/could cope with and ages - it feels a little wrong - it feels like choosing sweets in a sweet shop!  My mind says go for older, but my heart is wanting younger (e.g.1-3). I know the sw will guide us to making a decision - at least i hope so, but they seemed happy we were open to discussion.

forgetmenot - hope the form filling-in went ok - get them sent off now!

Has anyone got any meetings or anything going on this week, or is it fairly quiet?

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Form done - just went to copy them and the p/copier scanner thing is broke 

I am going to hand deliver it tomorrow on the way to work and then wait!! It says we will hear in 5 days..... OMG! I am hoping that if I deliver it we will hear Friday.

There is a prep day a week today, so going to see my head tomorrow and give her the good news.  I feel physically sick about it.  I want to do the course next week, but she may say no.  My biggest fear is actually telling her (feels stupid, but I do) and wanting it to remain confidential.  I don't want it talked about, as if it fails, I don't want anyone knowing.  I sound irrational, but after years of disappointment, I just need to know it stops at SLT.  Going to call the union quickly tomorrow to see where I stand legally.

So..... we are moving forward ladies.

When did they say you will hear notgivingup?

Loki, am so excited for you to call and come on here buzzing!

Can't scroll up for more personals  sorry xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Form handed in... now at work and stressing!! 
Waiting to hear if I have an appointment with the head...
Then fully out of the IF closet!!!
Can't concentrate!!! Arghhhhh have a good day lovely ladies xx


----------



## Cassie78

Forgetmenot I'm sure your head will be nothing but happy for you. If she says no to the prep course she's a mean old women!!  You will feel much better when people know xx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, forget me not, how did it go today? Not giving up so sorry to hear about your dad, Loki girl have you made the call yet?! Hope everyone else is ok and had a nice Easter. I have been busy spent sun with our god daughter who is 14 mts and so funny! Went to my sister in laws farm yesterday , been having a big clean out as painters coming in this week, what will hopefully be LO bedroom is being done first and as it's empty I am visualising things! We are booked on info evening 11 June, but at the moment it's all hectic as 40 in two weeks and got lots on including party!! I can finally see light at the end of the what has been a very long tunnel!!! xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well.... I did it.  I had a full day, then revision, then people kept asking me q's and all I kept thinking was need to get over and see head before she goes home...... So I go in..... And splurge!!

She was impressed how well I had started a new job under the circumstances that I had, so I don't think she could be anything other than supportive, but still a worry.  I kinda played it all down... Long time, Might not get approved (all true) etc, but ultimately said we had applied and something we want to do.  She said how long I would want off etc.... I was like minimum, when in reality, I plan not to go back or at least take full leave!  Plans change don't they...

But in all fairness she was lovely and will be supportive and I can go to my workshop day next week.... Which is amazing.  It feels surreal and weird and like we are actually doing this.  Feel a bit emotional!! Guess release of pressure.  So that's it, the inner circle of trust are now aware... Very focker like!!

Thanks Cassie.... Don't need to call her mean, though I did think she would!!

Freedo.... What's your plans for your birthday party?

Hope all are well xx


----------



## Freedo

Fab, well done forget me not! My two bosses know and are lovely about things and fully behind me which is good. I am having a party good old disco with about 100 family and friends, hopefully life is going to begin at 40 me!!! xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Forgetmenot - fabulous news. I'm hoping now you can breath a sigh of relief and relax - maybe!!! Just a little lol. Can't believe u are doing a prep day next week that's awesome. So pleased for my buddy  

Freedo - making the call next week. Really busy at work over Easter hols so waiting for next week when things calm down. I'm working Mon and Tues so prob Wed - eeekkkk!!!!!!! Hahaha. Enjoy the planing for your birthday - remember life begins at 40 lol. 

Cassie have you decided when you are contacting and who you are going with?

Hi everyone else. Exciting times ahead


----------



## teamug

Evening everyone

Forgetmenot - brilliant news, I bet you feel a big weight has been lifted now, it is good when people at work know and you can start to talk about your future - and of course book off those all important days  good luck for your first prep day, I really enjoyed ours, it really makes you feel like you are on your way 

Freedo - Life most certainly will begin at 40 for you !  have fun organising the party 

Feeling a little frustrated today - today was our date for end of stage 1 - but still no sign of our DBS certificates yet, I sent an e mail to our SW asking if they would hold us up, and no reply - so I guess that's a yes   hope they are not too much longer, we really want to move onto stage 2 now


----------



## rsm

Teamug - so frustrating re DBS. Will they definitely not move you onto stage 2 until they are back? We are in the same position - still waiting. I rang the number this morning and was told that stage 4 which is the last stage takes the longest and there is nothing they could do to speed it up. Sooooo frustrating


----------



## rsm

On another note - had our first training day yesterday. It was excellent. Very informative and powerful stuff and really lovely other couples there too. I'm hoping after our second day we can swop contact details to stay in touch


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Notgivingup so sorry about your dad   
Lokigirl nearly time for that call!!!!!
Forgetmenot well done. You must be so pleased  and relieved. 
Freedo hope you have a great party and a good old bop!!
Teamug. How annoying. Why do these things take so flipping long!?!?! Fingers crossed they hurry up
Rsm you too Hun. Fingers crossed. 


Just had an email with date for first training day. Find it odd that we've never spoken to anyone. Was expecting a call from our allocated sw. At least just to introduce herself. Is this normal?
Annoying thing is DH is away. At his bestie's stage do that date. Typical! Have asked for another so hope it's not too far away.


Excited and scared. It's the not knowing what to expect. 


Hi to all and lots of love and hugs x x x


----------



## Silver star

Hey everyone , 

I just wanted to share with you as all Information is important , 

I've just been watching THIS MORNING they were talking to Nikki Campbell , about his new programme about adoption , it's on tomorrow night 9 PM ITV , 

It's looks really great , I will 100% be watching , although I am in my 2WW so feeling very emotional and teary , 

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE , XXXXXXXXX


----------



## Silver star

Please repost my last post or forward it to any friends I'm sure it'll be helpful to watch this program , xx


----------



## Troodles

Is it just me and my silly sense of humour or does anyone else think this is funny....


I have to reply to the Integrated Fostering and Adoption Recruitment Team. I.F.A.R.T!!!


----------



## rsm

No it's not just you Troodles!! I read your post and giggled out loud lol


----------



## Forgetmenot

Me too!!


----------



## teamug

rsm -not sure if it definitely will hold us up, but  not heard back from SW so I am guessing we do need them back before they invite us to stage 2. I phoned the number too and they just said they are with DBS and couldn't give a date when we should receive them  

Hope they arrive soon so we can move on and yours too. 

We enjoyed our training sessions and got everyone's e mails to keep in touch.

Troodles - we had to change our training days due to DH away on work too, we were lucky and got on the next ones which were only a few weeks later so fingers crossed you will get onto the next one in the not too distant future  good luck


----------



## teamug

Troodles - ha ha that made me laugh out loud too !!


----------



## Troodles

Glad I made you smile girls lol


DH got a call earlier from SW. She said can I come round tomorrow. OMG OMG OMG need to clean house again. What do I wear, do I get biscuits or too unhealthy What do we say. What is she gonna ask?!?!? OMG!!!!!!


Glad I'm off this week. Can clean 20 times tomorrow!!!!


Have got new date for course of 12 June so not too far away. 


Xxx


----------



## teamug

Great stuff Troodles !!

Is this your very first SW visit ?


----------



## becs40

Troodles too funny! 
Glad I also wasn't the only one with the biscuit dilemma! We were a bit crafty as bought a reduced tin of Xmas biscuits from the local shop in feb so it looked like we'd been given them but hadn't opened them in 2 months lol! Didn't open them in the end though as she wasn't fussed about tea so didn't use them, gave them to my parents instead.
We're just waiting to hear about stage 2 officially now. DH has spoken to sw and they have everything back and there's nothing to hold us back so just need manager to sign it off. Doubt we'll hear until next week now though as sw only works m-w. 
We're booked onto the stage 2 training days on 7th and 8th July but just want a proper plan now. It all seemed so busy in the beginning but now quiet whilst all the checks were being done.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow.... Awesome news troodles!

Go casual, and you will be fine.  I was like biscuits, no biscuits!!  Went with none  x

Tea mug, glad the sessions went ok.

Rsm hope they come through quick... Proper frustrating.  Am dreading the waiting.

General question:
How many sessions did people have in stage one?
How many sw meetings in stage one?

As for me:
Boss told my immediate line manager (not old one I told) - he was so lovely.  He thought it was great and said I would make a great mum.  It made my heart skip a beat and my eyes well up... Starting to feel ever so real.  He said the head was really pleased (though didn't look it yesterday) and he said they would support me, so it felt good. Yikes!


----------



## Troodles

Yes first visit Teamug. ( still want to call you Teabag lol)


Becs like your style!!    Still undecided on the biscuits. DH will be chuffed if I get some as he's normally banned from biscuits hehehe
Sounds like things are moving well though Hun. Although it must be so frustrating when it slows down. Will be worth the wait!!

Thanks forgetmenot. Will put my ball gown back in the loft!! Lol. So pleased about work's reaction. That's great. 


All starting to feel very real for us all ladies!!!!

X x x


----------



## babas

Stage one I had one meeting initially and one at the end. Stage 2 I had 8 sessions and one extra last week regarding panel on Friday.


----------



## teamug

LOL Troodles - I think I prefer "teabag"   - on our first initial visit the SW went through lots questions all about our past, childhood, families, ex partners, and what sort of child we would like, age etc. She had a quick look round the house, was here about 2 and half hours.

Forgetmenot - We had 2 prep days in stage one and just the one initial SW visit at home, I think all VA & LA do things differently in each area. Once we have our DBS certificates back that's our stage 1 done, which was meant to be yesterday, but the forms are delaying us moving to stage 2 the SW said once all forms are back, then we should receive a letter inviting us to stage 2.


----------



## Lorella

I offered biscuits at my first SW meeting ( we don't normally have them in either)!  The meeting was at 10 and she said it was to early so it might depend what time of day it is! She had one the next meeting when she came at lunchtime!

Forgetmenot- sounds like it's all going well. Excellent Hun. We didn't have any meetings with SW in stage 1. We had our 3 prep days in stage 1. 

Troodles - good luck with your SW visit. 
Notgivingup - sorry about your dad  
RSM - glad training day went well. 
Teamug - hope you don't have to wait to long. We had to wait 2 months between stage 1 and 2!  

Hi to everyone else 

My DH has his ASI tomorrow. Think he's feeling ok about it. Then we start our weekly meetings together next wk! Not sure what we will be talking about.... Think she said will be going over education and employment first! 

Hope everyone is having a good week xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks for the info ladies.

Tea mug - are your medicals all done etc too? Really hope they come soon.  I will be annoyed if ours are late as had them done in September already.

Lorrella - oh gawd, sounds scary! Hope your dh will be ok.... Xx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. I know I'm not going to sleep tonight. So nervous!!


Good luck to DH Lorella.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Be yourselves, relax as much as possible and they will love you x


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oooo good luck troodles  

Lorella - hope dh goes ok tomorrow,i am a bit scared about ours 

Forgetmenot - i am so pleased your boss has been supportive, it really makes a difference  


Afm  we are about two thirds through our workbook.  Heard today dbs is all back which was a surprise as I thought it was us who it would be sent to....no matter....happy it won't delay us.

Will be recording programme tomoorow, the last one on channel 4 had me snivelling   but in a nice way,

Lil' one


----------



## Troodles

Thanks lil one


That's great that your DBS is all done. 


SW emailed workbook and forms to us and had a quick look.  Looks very scary. Well done for almost finishing!


I sobbed through that last prog too.  DH said I was a soppy moo lol


I bet we'll be the same with tomorrow's one


X x x


----------



## becs40

Exciting times for lots of us. Still can't believe how a "standard" process varies so much. 
Forgetmenot sounds like it went very well with work, must be a weight off your shoulders.
Teamug it sounds like we're at the same place bar the wretched DBS checks.
Good luck Troodles not that you'll need it I'm sure!
Lorella hope DH gets on ok I'm dreading my DH doing his as he comes across as a bit emotionally disconnected bless him but he's just a Capricorn!

Is it just me or has anyone else been thinking about what you'd need to buy and when do you start etc. it all seems very confusing. Can't buy until you know ages and sex of child/children but then you need to have rooms and things done for photo albums for matching so what timescale is that? Also the amount we'd have to physically get/buy is seeming quite overwhelming! Initially thought about all the obvious stuff like furniture car seats etc but now thinking toys, books, decorating 2 rooms, furniture for 2 rooms, medical/first aid bits, home safety bits, kids bowls etc. then if we do have a really lo nappies, bottles, formula etc it just seems a mammoth list. Will be a fun shop but don't want to be doing everything in a mad panic.
It is just me isn't it lol. I'll be quiet now.


----------



## babas

Becs40 we go to approval on Friday and have bought a few bits like books etc. 

You can buy safety stuff, first aid kits, books, puzzles etc. lots of people have done neutral rooms. Think we're going to get a nuna highchair as it goes to adult. So you can do a bit of shopping.


----------



## becs40

Ooh exciting Babas good luck! 

I think we will paint rooms neutral colour (who am I kidding the whole house is laura ashley ivory anyway lol) then get some of the great sticker decals you can get. So that at least can be done. I did think once we're nearer to panel we could start picking up small toys and books that the supermarkets do just as a start. Things like the bath toys and things. I do already have some blankets and cuddle towels - not that I bought early, but because I used to make nappy cakes to sell and used them For those and when I stopped doing them I had some left over.

Are you being approved for single if siblings Babas and what age?


----------



## Troodles

Not just you Becs. 
All that has been going through my head too. Furniture, safety stuff, toys, books, clothes, car seat, buggy, nappies, bottles, wipes ....... When is it not tempting fate. Thought we'd do the neutral colour and stickers too. Need to clear the spare room. It don't know where to put all my shoes lol

Wow Babas. How exciting. Fingers crossed for you but sure it will be fine. Can't wait to get to your stage. Will be thinking of you Friday. 

X x x


----------



## babas

One child age 0-2 1/2 either sex. We did want siblings aged 0-6 but were told we are too young sadly. 

We have bath toys, books and puzzles.


----------



## becs40

Wow good luck. Nice age.

Siblings 0-5 is what we would like although think ideally would like 2 pre school age but would depend on the children.

Will keep everything crossed for you Friday.

Troodles we have 1 empty room on account of FIL wanting the bed! So just the other one to go. Dreading trying to find room for what's under that bed!


----------



## Troodles

That sounds great Babas. Being young you can apply again in a couple of years. 

Becs we too would like 2 pre school age. Where on earth are we going to put everything?!? Lol
X x x


----------



## Lorella

Hey ladies

Arrows wrote this really great timeline for after approval. 
I to have been thinking about buying things and sorting the rooms out but I really want to do a pink or blu room! Looking at the timescales I think you get about 6 wks from matching to matching panel so we might do some mad decorating then but start buying any neutral non age specific stuff as soon as we get approved xxx

Post-Approval Adoption Process

1. Look at profiles
2. Request CPR + pre-permanency medical (our PAR sent to cSW)
3. SW tells family finder of interest
4. Family finder creates shortlist to send to cSW
5. SW informs us if shortlisted
6. Linking meeting -cSW, cFF and cManagers meet -pick shortlist 2/3 couples to visit
7. cSW, cFF and SW meet with us at home.
8. Matching meeting -cSW, cFF, cMan. Scoring to determine best fit
9. We receive feedback (back to step 1 if not picked)

10. We meet with sw, cFF, child's foster carer, child's medical advisor (not flexible)
11. SW sets Matching panel date
12. cFF writes Adoption Permenency Report (why we were picked)
13. We receive report 15days before Panel -fill out how we meet needs, why us, views of info provided and any questions. cFF provides Post-adoption Support Plan (stands for 3yrs)
14. Matching Panel -us, SW, cSW and cFF to attend
15. 10days to ratify decision and intros within 2wks

Rough Intros with a child under 18mths
16. Intro planning meeting
17. Day 1 -meet child for 1hr in foster home
18. Day 2 -morning/afternoon with them
19. Day 3 -Go got with them
20. Day 4 -Bedtime routine
21. Day 5 -Morning / morning & bedtime routine
22. Half-way intro review before child goes to your home
23. Day 6 -Visit your home for a day
24. Day 7 -Bring home child. Placement!!!!!

25. First month -weekly cSW, SW visits. Child must be awake.
26. 28days from placement -looked after children (LAC) review -see how things are going
27. 6weekly visits continue
28. 4months after placement -2nd LAC review -ensure all needs are met
29. We can apply for Adoption Order (10wks-2yrs after placement)
30. Court. Finally ours!

Steps 10-14 took about 6wks
Steps 24-30 takes a minimum of 6mths


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck troodles!!

It will be fab.... and you will feel exhausted!!


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun. 

Been up since 5!! Lol x


----------



## Cassie78

Wow everyone have loved catching up on everyone and having a few giggles inbetween.  I'm feeling quite left out as I'm so behind you all 
Loki - I'm phoning Bradfrod LA and Barnardos very soon.  We go on hols on 10th may so do t know whether to wait till after then. Actually no ill phone before and arrange appointments for after hols. I'm quite nervous about phoning think that why I'm delaying!!!
Troodles good luck today xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Give them a call Cassie, you will feel so much better and there's bank hols etc coming up so they prob won't be able to fit u in for awhile anyway. Will cut your waiting time down.

I know you will feel better for doing it.  Leap of faith xx


----------



## teamug

Babas - brilliant news good luck for Friday 

Cassie - I agree with Forgetmenot give them a call 

Looks like the DBS forms aren't going to delay us getting to stage 2 - as received an e mail from the SW today - only thing holding us back is they haven't received one of our references from family member , but we know it was posted weeks ago 

Hoping she has kept a copy of it on PC so she can just re-send it via email this time. Then we should get our letter inviting us to stage 2


----------



## becs40

Thanks Lorella that's really useful!

Brilliant news teamug that DBS won't hold you up, I'm sure the reference will be easily sorted.

Troodles how did it go today? I know what you mean about fitting everything in. Luckily I'm not a hoarder and quite like clutter free so 2 spare rooms haven't got much in them to re house. The smaller room has 2 bedside cabinets in but they've just got the spare blankets and towels etc  from my nappy caking days so will be staying there anyway just in different furniture. The other room has a chest of drawers that has wrapping paper and overflow bits from the bathroom as no storage in there so will need to relocate those bits.

Cassie definitely agree with others, ring them now and cut down your waiting time. Nothing more frustrating than waiting until after hols then maybe having to wait again if they're busy. Good luck!


----------



## Loki Girl

Cassie - ring next Wed     I agree with others though might be better before you go incase takes them time to sort an appointment.  Exciting we will be starting together  

Troodles - dying to hear how you got on - fill us in  

Babas - bet you can't wait for tomorrow, all the best Hun 

Teamug - fab news and hope they get your family reference again lol!!

Lorella - great post. Can't even imagine getting to the point of introducing a little one into our family but I have a feeling it will hopefully be here before we know it   It's just seems so surreal to think that next year we could be looking back and just not even thinking about how much hell going through IVF was lol. I keep looking at our spare rooms and trying to picture if we'll be lucky enough to have both rooms used or just the one lol. Ours are set up as bedrooms as we often have our friends and their son from Kent come and visit so no crap about and SW's will at least be able to picture them set up as bedrooms. In an absolute ideal world I would love 2 little boys in the big room and their baby sister in the little room     I did say in an ideal world lol,  I know we'll be lucky to be matched with one!! Just hope we will be able to swap the single bed in the little room to a cot as really hoping to get as young as possible with a slightly older sibling. 

That reminds me someone and excuse my ignorance for not going back and finding out who it was (sorry!!) that they were too young to adopt siblings. Why would that be? Surely the younger the better? Why would older couples be more suitable for siblings?

Anyways I looked after the kids I used to nanny for today, they are older now 7,8 and 11 but we had a great day. Took them to the farm I work on cus I can get them in free. They had great time on all the slides and seeing the animals and loved holding the snakes!! We then went to Pizza Express and had lunch and it was so nice. They are way older than we want to adopt but it just felt right to think next year could I possibly dream of doing this but the kids will be ours    

Hi to everyone else I haven't done a personal too!!!


----------



## babas

It was me Loki! I think it's a life experience thing/ if birth parents have more children we'd get offered them. 

We're in our 20's and young for adopters!


----------



## Lorella

Cassie - yeah I say give them a call too 😊 
Teamug - brilliant news DBS won't delay you! Hope get ref sorted soon and join me on stage 2! 

Am feeling excited! I so wish I could bottle this feeling up and take a swig every time I get doubts. DH had ASI today and went really well. SW said there and then he was securely attached too. She also said she could see us moving through the process quite quickly!! Hope so! Only last Sunday I was feeling a bit down as I think my SIL might be pregnant. Of course this would be great but I can't help but wonder how our children will be compared and if they will be treated any different. But am happy again today anyway! 
I know what you mean about IVF. For us IVF was quite a negative experience, not hard, but just never thought it would work. But with adoption I just feel so much more positive! 😊😊🙏 xxx


----------



## teamug

Evening girls, good news sister-in-law has a copy of the reference so we may well be on stage 2 soon 

Lorella - sorry but what is ASI ?


----------



## Lorella

Whoop Teamug! Excellent 😊
ASI - Attachment style interview. When asked about relationships x


----------



## teamug

Thanks Lorella - I guess we will have those soon too then, will be so excited when we are finally accepted onto stage 2  

Can't believe you are due to be at panel in August so exciting


----------



## notgivingup

I turn my back for 2 days and this thread goes bonkers!

Hi everyone - lovely to read all the exciting goings-on!

Lorella - i'm totally with you - this journey feels so much more positive and exciting compared to any fertility treatment!

forgetmenot - glad your work have been so supportive - that'll be a big relief no doubt!

teamug (so sorry, still think of you as teabag - childhood memories of old tv shows!  really must stop that!) - great news you can move onto stage 2!  how exciting!

Loki girl & Cassie - you will catch up soon enough - definately take that leap of faith when you feel ready - its so empowering to be doing something cause the waiting is so tough.  We all know how you feel.

troodles - hope today went well!  Keep us posted is possible!

hi to anyone i have missed.

As for us, we were officially accepted onto stage 1 today so a mini celebration tonight!  We have a meeting on monday to go through forms/documents which they need to see/take copies of, and meet with our social worker (who we met at our initial interview last week) next week (hopefully).  prep days will be in june (all being well with my family circumstances).  Let the fun begin!

Looking forward to watching the adoption programme which we recorded on tv tonight - feels quite timely that its on and our families can watch it for a bit of insight into the process - just hope its a fair/true reflection!

xx


----------



## teamug

Notgivingup - that made me laugh I remember that programme but I think teabag was the young boy and not the witch with the big green nose !  

Great news you are on stage 1. Good luck 

Wow just watched the programme, very emotional and the first one we have seen that is actually in the new 2 stage process, a very true reflection I thought.

Love and good luck to all onwards and upwards we are all moving on - happy days


----------



## Troodles

Evening all   


Cassie DO IT DO IT DO IT!!! Lol. Just been out with my friend who hasn't made that call yet so I've persuaded her to come round tomorrow and I'll hold her hand while she does it!


Babas good luck tomorrow Hun   


Becs I've got a ridiculously large shoe collection that I need to sort lol


Glad you had a good day Loki
Yay Teamug. Glad you can move forwards. Thank SIL!!
Lorella fab news a dyes I know how you feel. The thought of IVF makes me feel physically sick. 


Sorry and hi to anyone I've missed. 


So today went really well. She was lovely and reassured me about my diabetes and weight. She said we were a lovely couple and she felt she really warmed to us. She also said she really thinks we should go for a sibling group or just one with the hope of getting their sibling once bm pops out another!!! Really want to feel excited but after so much disappointment over the years it's hard to isn't it?


I do feel more positive about having a family now than I ever did with tx. 


She said should all be done by October and we shouldn't rule out having a family by Xmas. That's just too much to even think about. 


Oh and she said DH should try and get a bit more experience with young children. 


Fingers crossed for all of us!
X x x x


----------



## teamug

Great news Troodles    how good would it be to have a family by xmas


----------



## Troodles

Not giving up. Sorry our posts crossed. So pleased for you. Well done. 

Watching program tomorrow as DH goes to bed early as up at 3. Gonna watch it tomorrow then spend the weekend on all our forms/workbooks. 

X x x


----------



## Troodles

Teamug(bag)!!!

It would be amazing but daren't dream! X


----------



## Lorella

Notgivingup- yay! Fab news Hun 😊
Troodles - great news too!😊

Programme was really good 

Wasn't the witch called Grotbags?? Xxx


----------



## Troodles

Lorella


Hahaha she was in the pink windmill!!


There was a witch who lived in a teapot in Chorlton and the Wheelies. My most fave show ever!! 


Am I showing my age Lol


X x x


----------



## becs40

I loved chorlton and the wheelies and Bod! 

My shoe collection has expanded recently due to many fabulous pairs being spotted but it's still small. Unlike my friend who has an entire bedroom as a shoe closet due to over 300 pairs!  

Loved the program tonight although was welling up in the flipping titles! Also watched it with my parents as DH was out and it was good as they were asking questions etc so learning and understanding more about the process.


----------



## Troodles

Don't forget the Flumps!!


Wow over 300 pair. That's amazing. I'm only 150 plus lol


Xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi all

Yay it's the weekend  

Hope you all had a good day

We had some good news today our SW is writing her report for her manager and saying that we should be put forward to stage 2  so hopefully we should receive our letter inviting us to stage 2 very soon, happy days


----------



## Troodles

FANFLIPPINGTASTIC!!!!!!!!!


So pleased for you. Such great news. Woohoo!!!!!!


How about you Babas, how was today?




Have a great weekend everybody x x x x


----------



## becs40

yay teamug congrats. Really hope we hear about ours soon too.


----------



## notgivingup

Great news teamug - we'll be waiting for advice and tips as you go through stage 2!

I agree, i thought the programme was pretty good - wish they would give a bit more detail about timescales through cause it seemed to look like it was all done and dusted in a couple of weeks.  Looking forward to next weeks already!

Anyone else struggled to complete their Family Tree?!?  Cant remember my cousins birth years for the life of me and DH has no hope of knowing all his (17!!!!) aunts and uncles - most of whom he has never met and all deceased.  Might be signing up to ancestry online this weekend   I struggled with remembering my Grandparents DOB's  

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

x


----------



## becs40

We only did family tree to our parents so didn't do aunts, uncles cousins etc. just our parents, our siblings and their children. Only confusing bit was fil whose wife (dh's mum) was Susan and now his partner is Susan! So he was on there with a Susan either side!


----------



## teamug

Thanks girls   just need that letter and our Home Study dates now 

Babas - how did you get on today ?

notgivingup - Family Tree -  we didn't have to do grandparents or cousins, just our parents, siblings and their families. Then we just added everyone else to our network map.


----------



## becs40

Babas posted on the other thread, she was approved but didn't go into details but sw's treated them dreadfully afterwards and has really upset her. Bless, how awful on what should be such a happy an exciting day to end like that.


----------



## teamug

Thanks Becs

Oh no Babas - that doesn't sound good, being approved should be such a good feeling not a bad one, my thoughts go out to you, big hugs x


----------



## notgivingup

Hmm, I wish our family tree was as simple - ours is asking for both our siblings, parents and their siblings and children, and grandparents details, and dont even get me started on the confusion with names - both my parents are divorced and remarried people with the same name, plus my DH's father has the same name!  You couldnt make it up!  Not quite sure why they need aunt and uncles DOB's and their spouces/children.  Seems a little excessive particularly when we arent in contact with most of them.  Fun, fun, fun!


Babas, thinking of you x


----------



## becs40

yes there's lots of  David's in our small family tree as well as fil and his 2 x Susans! It's dh's side of the family seem to like repeating names!


----------



## Troodles

Big hugs Babas  xx

My dad's  family are estranged from us and I've never met them!! He can't remember half of them. That should be an interesting family tree!! Lol

Currently sat up waiting for an emergency doc as had bad reaction to antibiotics!  FML!!


----------



## becs40

Oh no Troodles hope you're ok!


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun. Doc just been. Changed tabs but wanted to admit me coz I'm diabetic. Managed to persuade him against that. Told him I didn't want a hospital admission showing on my adoption forms. 

He asked if I e ever had surgery and I said yes had both tubes removed. 3 questions later he said, are you pregnant?
I just looked at him and said would be bloody good if I was. I have no Fallopian tubes!!!

X x x


----------



## Loki Girl

Gosh hope I don't have to go back too far in time for my family tree. Dad is only child so he's easy. Mom is one of 8 and one of her sisters had 8 kids and I think all of them have kids cus I know she's like a great great Gran!!!! I never see any of them. I find it weird though cus my mom had to adopt me and my brother cus she couldn't have kids yet her mom and all her sisters and brothers had no problems. Guess you can only do what you can and find out what what you can. 

Troodles hope you feel better soon Hun

Babas - we are all thinking of you and hope you are ok. What an awful thing but concentrate on you are approved that is so fantastic


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - that's great news, hope you get you letter soon, exciting times! 

AFM - we received our DBS certificates at last and emailed them to sw. All we are waiting on now is for their medical adviser to report report back to sw on our medicals. Dh's ex still hasn't replied but sw said it shouldn't stop us moving onto stage two so hopefully won't have to wait much longer to find out we can move to stage 2


----------



## teamug

Troodles - Get well soon, - can't believe after telling him you have no tubes he asked are you pregnant ! numpty lol

Glad we didn't have to do the extended family on our tree, all the agencies seem to do things differently 

Primmer - hopefully you will be on stage 2 at same time as us


----------



## Forgetmenot

Gosh what a mental few days!!

Not giving up.... Fab news to hear you are officially stage 1 it's a great feeling!
Teamug.... Congrats on stage two.... You are leading the charge from the front for us! Hopefully you will be guiding us 
Troodles... Hope you are well.  Funny isn't it I need to go docs, but going to wait now til after our medicals lol arghhhhh my biggest fear 
Babas... So sorry to hear of your experience. It shouldn't be like that.  I hope you are now starting to feel excited still about the future that awaits you very soon, exciting times 
Primer... Fab news to have all the gubbins back!
Cassie... Well lady, did you do it?!
Loki.... I am so excited for you this week, I can't contain it.  I know you will be uber excited happy and all that once you do it.  We've been on a long journey, and I want you to be part of this one too x

AFM, OMG.  They have moved so fast. It's has BEEN a week!!

Tue am: 
Hand delivered forms confirming our interest.
Met with head... Gulp

Wed:
Confirmed place on workshop this Monday 
Saw line manager, lovely 

Thurs:
All forms arrived confirming or sw ( we now have one! )

Fri:
Sw phoned to introduce herself (missed call)
Referees got all their paperwork (yikes, so soon)
Spoke to social work, appointment next Friday
Confirmed we would like July stage 2 workshops!!

Wow! Am sure it will now all slow down and I will get grumpy, but what a whirlwind!!!  I didn't expected it 

Wonder what Peale will write.  Did you read reference before people sent them, should we, do we get to see them anyway etc?

Hope didn't miss anyone.  I am over the place!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becs I missed you lovely x hope you are ok x


----------



## Lorella

Yay! Great news Teamug. 
Notgivingup - when we did our family tree it was funny cos DH didn't even know the names of his grandparents as they died so long ago!
Babas - so sorry to hear they gave you a tough time at panel but huge congrats at getting through   X
Troodles - hope you are feeling better 💐
Primmer - hope you dont gave to wait to much longer 
Forgetmenot - great you are moving along quickly. 

AFM - we prob only have about another 6 or 7 visits with social worker left and then she will start work on our PAR. Hopefully get our panel date soon! Exciting! Xxx


----------



## becs40

I think primmer and teamug we're all at pretty much the same point, all just waiting for the official letter!
Loki I know what you mean about extended family, my mum is 1 of 5 and a few separations and children from previous relationships on her side!
Lorella I've done our family tree for my dads 60th 10 years ago  or his side of it and I still can't remember his parents names (my grandparents) as they died when he was a teenager.
Forgetmenot, it's exciting to finally feel things happening. The trouble is once you've done your medicals and filled your forms in it all goes quiet whilst they do references etc so it feels like we haven't done anything in ages. We did see our work references and my parents reference because they all chose to show us. We haven't seen the references from the other 2 referees we listed though. 
It's getting confusing who's at what stage now isn't it. I think Lorella you're the lead at the mo with primmer, teamug and I next I think?


----------



## teamug

Becs - when I read the end of your post it sounded like I was listening to the Grand National !    Love it we are all getting there now 

Lorella - seems things are really moving for you now, great stuff, can't wait to get our panel date 

Love this group


----------



## Lorella

Hey ladies,
I was thinking same thing Becs. It will be good to do a panel date list like they've done on the other thread. Then when we know our dates we will know where everyone is!

In the meantime I've compiled this list:

In stage 2: 
Lorella 

In stage 1:
Teamug
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws

About to start:
Cassie
Lokisgirl

So sorry if I have made any errors or left anyone off. I've only gone back to page 30. Let me know and I will update anything then I will update it when we move through to the next stage and get our panel dates and then become mummies to be! 
Xxx


----------



## teamug

Brilliant idea lorella well done 😄


----------



## Forgetmenot

Awesome! Xx


----------



## becs40

Excellent Lorella! My earliest post on this thread was page 3 so I could copy the list there if you'd like so it would be easy to find for everyone? Sadly not on page 1 as that would have been best!  
Loving the grand national comment teamug as it was strangely going through my head as I typed it myself lol!


----------



## RocketJ

Hi Everyone,

I've been lurking on this message board for a couple of weeks, but seeing your list there with everyone's stages on it made me think I really needed to take the plunge and join you all! I've been reluctant to get too involved until I was sure my ROI had been accepted, but I'm in a bit of a no man's land with my LA on that one at the moment (posted the ROI on April 3rd, and I still haven't had anything official to say it's been accepted!) so I figured I should just go ahead and introduce myself and hope for the best.

It's been really lovely and exciting to read about all of you at the different stages, and I've been pleased and saddened by your highs and lows already. I'm applying to adopt on my own; I don't know if there are any other singles in the group, or following the boards?


----------



## becs40

Hi Rocketj,
Welcome. It's great the list has inspired you to join us, I had wondered if not having something like the list put other people off joining because they assumed we were all much further ahead. I hope you hear back from your LA soon! 
As regards single adopting, I'm not but at the beginning of my journey a friend introduced to me to another friend of hers who has just adopted a 3 year old boy on her own. We've exchanged a few emails etc and she's doing great. He's been with her about 5 months now and she loves it. Her parents are close by and she also has lots of friends with children similar ages so she has a wide support network.
Good luck and join in here. It's great because we're all at different stages there's usually someone who can answer any questions except poor Lorella who's ahead of us all so has to defer to other threads for her questions.


----------



## teamug

Hi Rocketj - welcome to our group    I would chase up the LA for an answer seems a long time to be waiting. You do have to do a lot of chasing.


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey ladies,

I've been lurking around but mainly posting on the other board as like Lorella I'm in stage 2, although I do have a panel date. However just wanted to say there are other singles out here posting RocketJ! Keeping fingers crossed that with my age it isn't presented as a barrier as I'm a young singlie...


----------



## Loki Girl

Fab idea Lorrella. Can't wait till I can be bumped upto the list on stage 1   Visited my parents tonight and we have talked a lot about it which has been great. Have felt too emotional previously to chat to them about IVF but talking to them about adoption just feels right. They were saying how different it's all going to be to when they adopted me so that's good they are 100% on board and they watched the program last night too so that was good. 

Mite get DH to phone Mon instead of me on Wed


----------



## becs40

Great stuff Loki!
I did talk a bit about the ivf with my mum but she never really got it or understood! To quote one example approaching test date on our third and final ivf attempt "don't be too upset if it's not positive"   Seriously?  
Anyway parents are on board for adoption and have been reading and watching things on adoption. Mum was really keen initially but has been getting quieter about it the more she realises how much of a challenge this could be with some of the children. She's still really supportive and very excited but just a bit anxious I guess about us experiencing more disappointment.
I think dh should call Monday.


----------



## RocketJ

Thanks for the welcomes! I will be chasing the LA if I don't hear early next week. I've already had to chase once, but I don't want to get labelled as the irritating one who is always on the phone pestering them!!


----------



## Jalops

Hi all! Can I join you?   I'm well into stage 1! Prep course starts in May, paperwork, medicals done! We just received our prep for stage 2 . family tree, network etc. Bizarrely I started a new job and my new boss is is 100% supportive of taking time off for 6 months, because I told him at the interview, he has also booked me into work at home during stage 2. No problem's with humans but not sure how sw's feel about dogs? We have a one year old puppy? X


----------



## becs40

Hi Jalops,
Welcome. Your boss sounds great, very supportive. I'm Lucky as I don't work Mondays so hoping our stage 2 visits can be arranged for then.
We have a dog too. She's a border collie appx 10 years old. Our sw kind of met her on first visit. I say kind of as she was asleep on the sofa in the conservatory for all but 5 mins of her visit - dog not sw that is! She didn't have a problem with her. We will however be "refreshing" her basic obedience over the next few months to make sure they can see she does as she's told. To be fair as she's getting on in years she spends most of the time asleep. She also goes to work with DH during the day so won't actually be around an awful lot.


----------



## Troodles

Wow you guys. How am I ever gonna keep up with your pace?? Lol


Thanks for all the well wishes. Feeling lots better today. Think new antibiotics are working their magic. 


Right, let's give this a try. Apologies if I miss anyone out..............


Primmer. Glad you got your forms back and fingers crossed you're in Stage 2 v soon. 
Forgetmenot you must be shattered!!  All sounds good though. Don't know if I want to know what people really think of us lol
Lorella fab job. Thanks for doing that. Will be amazing watching that list change. 
Rocket and StarryEyed hi and welcome. 
Loki get DH to call Monday! Held my friends hand while she did it yesterday and she text me today to say she's starting to feel excited. 
Hi to Babas, Becs, notgivingup, Teamug. 


Ooh new post as I type. Welcome Jalops. 


I agree it's Teamug.  Love love love you guys. You're all fab and I'm looking forward to making this journey with you all!!


Mwah x x x


----------



## Lorella

Yay! Welcome ladies. I will update list x

In stage 2: 
Starryeyed (let me know panel date 😊)
Lorella 

In stage 1:
Teamug
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops

About to start:
Cassie
Lokisgirl
RocketJ

Xxx


----------



## Jalops

Thanks Becs & Troodles for the welcomes!! 
Our pup is a bit prone to sofa cuddles and he snuggles up to anyone to lets him when they are sitting down!! It sounds like a lot of ladies send there dogs off to days care during visits. 
I have always been on IVF boards and never posted because its always hard to keep positive, but with adoption I actually feel hope. nice feeling - for a change. 
Jalops
xxx


----------



## Lorella

Jalops - this group is great! Very positive and supportive. Big welcome to you Hun x
Starryeyed - yay! Great to have you on this board my lovely 
RocketJ - so pleased that you have joined us 

Becs - totally don't mind refreshing the list Hun. Like having something to do😊

Xxx


----------



## teamug

Welcome Starryeyed and Jalop.

We too have a dog he will be 2 in the summer and like your pooch Jalops he loves lap cuddles, he goes a bit crazy when people come to visit but we are training him not to jump up - so hopefully when our SW comes again he won't be as mad! she met him on the initial visit and loves dogs which is a bonus. He is only a little fella "Jackadoodle" and very loving so hopefully he will pass his assessment   

Where is everyone from ? we are in Kent   just thinking if some of on here are not too far away from each other would be great to have a meet up ?


----------



## babas

Hi guys! 

Just to reassure you all we have two crazy dogs and they weren't an issue during the assessment process!


----------



## Loki Girl

Welcome Jalops. We too have a dog and 2 cats. The cats are 10 and 12 and a bit anti social and our Loki is a labrador as you can see from my pic. She will be 4 in June. She's great. Brilliant with our 7yr old nephew who adores her and loves playing ball etc with her and she is more than tolerant with our 14mth old niece. The only probs is she goes mad when someone comes upto the house and then she can be really licky!!! She'll go mad, let them in house then lick them to death!!! However she is very good if we tell her to settle in her basket so hopefully she will be ok. DH doesn't want to stop her barking if people come to the house cus he thinks it's a good thing but she does it to people across the street too lol. Maybe we could rearrange the room so the sofa is not under the window and she can't see lol!!!

DH has been away all weekend so will ask him what he thinks bout phoning Mon. Caught up with the adoption program and one of the 15,000 kids and counting program's last night. I got quite teary watching these people have their babies taken away but you can understand why. I honestly have not considered the parents before but it made me think. 

Anyways. Better go walk the Loki monster lol. And I am in Midlands. Anyone near me? We do go to Kent quite a lot as got good friends down there (they live in Rainham)

Hi to all the other new ones. I totally agree. I love this board, its so positive and supportive. 

Lets all have a group hug


----------



## becs40

Wow really busy on here now! 
I'm East Anglia so not Kent but not far from midlands.
I watched "a home for Maise" last night which is well worth watching to see a really troubled little girl due to her background and how many disruptions shed had. It was very powerful watching.


----------



## Troodles

Morning all. 

I'm in Southampton. Have family in Kent and East Anglia!!

We should all meet up in London!!!!

Will try and get that prog Becs. Sounds fab. 

Have a good day everyone and here's to hearing lots of good things this week. We're gonna make a start on our chronologies and family trees, Eco maps etc today. 

Take care x x x


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks for the welcome everyone. These boards are great, and everyone is so friendly! I'm in Essex, just on the outskirts of London. 

Troodles - A meet-up sounds great!
Lorella - My panel date is for June 16th, providing all the paperwork is in. 

I'm excited but nervous all the same - all the questions going round my head. What if they worry about me being 26 and single? What if my family history and my history of depression is held against me? What if they don't think I've been settled here long enough (I moved from the other side of the country, back to my home county almost a year ago). I guess it's good all these questions are going through my head because I'm prepared for them if they do come up at panel, and I keep reminding myself that if my SW didn't think I was suitable she wouldn't be taking me to panel anyway. Fingers crossed nothing goes wrong in-between!


----------



## Primmer

I am in Oxfordshire and have a 4 year old crazy spaniel who has mad moments but hope it won't be a problem. I also have a 15 year old cat who only appear when it's food time so unlikely sw will ever get to meet her. 

Thanks or doing a list, good to see where we all are in the process.


----------



## Laws1612

Hello....sorry I've not posted my best friend got married yesterday and been doing bridesmaid jobs very exciting. ...and hung overright now lol.....
forget me not wr had a week just like yours its so super quick just hope it contiunes like that....our referee's spoke to us re garding the qiestions they couldnt answer or if they needed any help so maybe just let them kniw if they neee a hand to contact you.....we are gettinhg copies of what they have wrote anyways....all ours are back and seeing social worker Tuesday im gonna be cleaning all day again hehe....where are you in the world

Troodles im from southampton originally living in the midlands now....small world really....

hello everyone else and all the new girls.....I wish you all the best of luck x


----------



## becs40

We normally spend a lot of time with my parents at the weekend but as they're on holiday we're home alone this weekend. So Dh thought it would be nice to just go out to the local garden centre which is round the corner from kiddicare! He then decided we should just go and have a look so we can see costs and what sort if things we'll need. Felt really strange being in there just like we're some kind of frauds! Anyway I did get to have a play with the pushchair I really like so a fun day! Can't wait to be approved and matched so the much longed for shopping spree can begin lol!


----------



## teamug

Troodles - brilliant idea London should be fairly central for us all 

Becs - I have bought a few childrens games - as we are looking at a little older children so won't need pushchairs etc. But like you I can't wait to be able to go shopping 

I have seen a home for Maisie too - very good one to watch, really feel for that little girl.

Here's the link for those not seen it -  www.dailymotion.com/video/x154fol_a-home-for-maisie_people


----------



## becs40

Well done teamug it's a definite one to watch I thought. I really hope they continued to get the support, she was very clearly a very distressed young girl and a very definite case of "love is not enough" .

DH was in his element in the kids book section at the garden centre, mainly by setting off all the noisy ones together! We think we will be trying to be approved for 2 x 0-4 but wouldn't be against a slightly older child. Definitely want to do the parenting of a very little one too though. 

I bought a set of ladybird story books from the book people as figured they'd be good for a pretty reasonable age range.


----------



## teamug

Becs - Can't go wrong with Lady Bird books   Yes I hope they continued to get the support they needed, what a brilliant pair of parents they are, my hat goes off to them.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Welcome new ladies.  Lovely to have lots of chatter on the thread.
Just been to friends daughters first birthday party, and first time felt ok with things and not to sad... Thinking next time won't look like the only weirdo at a kids party with just a dog! 
We have got our first workshop tomorrow and feeling a little apprehensive....
All a bit daunting (and a little exciting) xx


----------



## becs40

Forgetmenot it's a good feeling isn't it finally! You'll really enjoy tomorrow. It's good to be feeling that something's happening and learn so much along with meeting others in the same boat.


----------



## teamug

Forgetmenot - good luck for tomorrow - you will love it and meet lots of other fellow adopters local to you, hard going fully packed day but well worth it


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon, ladies

Lorella - thanks for sorting that list,  it'll be great to see us moving up it!

Forgetmenot - hope you enjoy tomorrow,  know what you mean about the weird ones....I have just had a hen night, and only 2 of us without kids.....find some of the discussions difficult at times  

Laws - hope you're feeling better, hope it was a great night worth the hangover  

Starryeyed - you're right about the social worker knowing you well, she wouldn't take you to panel if she had concerns.  In think it's about the strategies for dealing with hard times, rather than the hard times themselves that they look at  

Troodles - hope you've had aproductive day with the paperwork,

Afm we are trying to get the last couple of bits together for our stage one folders, then crossing fingers  

We're a busy thread now - sorry to those I missed while henning this weekend,

Lil' one


----------



## notgivingup

Afternoon all, 

Lorella, thanks for doing the list - its now a struggle to remember everyone and where they are up to and as its such a supportive thread, we dont want to forget anyone!

Welcome to Jalops and Rocketj!

Hi to eveyone else too!

Forgetmenot - good luck tomorrow!  Will be thinking of you - how exciting to get going with it all!

So many of you with dogs! We would love a dog cause we both grew up with them, but cant justify it when we both work full time and still enjoy our weekends away just us!  

We've got a meeting bright and early tomorrow to go through stage 1 paperwork.  It will be a monday morning i wont be feeling blue - until i get to work anyway!


----------



## Laws1612

Hello girlies.....quick one......we have a meeting with social worker on Tuesday. Prep course is booked medicals booked, references and security checks done or waiting on....what is the meeting going to consist of this week.....this will be her first visit after the initial consultation......
Thank you girlies xxx


----------



## Lorella

Updated list with Startyeyes panel date 😊

Good luck tomorrow Forgetmenot and Notgivingup up  
Laws - we never had a SW meeting in stage 1 so sorry can't help Hun but good luck for Tues

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Lorella 

In stage 1:
Teamug
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops

About to start:
Cassie
Lokisgirl
RocketJ

Xxx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Just a quickie. Made a good start on the paperwork so that feels good. 


Good luck tomorrow forgetmenot. Hope you enjoy it and get lots out of it. 


Good luck to you too notgivingup. Look forward to hearing about it. 


Hope you're all ok.  X x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you ladies.  I am feeling a little nervous this morning.  Up early as have cover work to set.  No idea what too wear either!!

Good luck today in making those calls, here's to a good week everyone and much progress xx


----------



## Loki Girl

OMG can't believe how excited I am. I texted DH this morn to see if he fancied making the call or would he rather wait till I am off work on Wed. He filled in the online enquiry form and got a call at 3.30 this afternoon. He had told them to phone after 4pm so he was still in office. She said she had some personal questions so prob not best if he was still in office. DH said he'd be back home in half an hour or they could phone tomorrow so they are phoning at 9am tomorrow!!!!!!! DH is working from home but I'll be on pins and needles at work lol. Can't believe how soooooo excited I am!!!! DH is trying to prepare me in case they say wait as it's only been 4mths since the last IVF but soooo hope not.  I'm going to hopefully be bumped upto stage 1 on the list soon    

Forgetmenot - how did it go? Been thinking of you. 

Sorry no personals I'm just sooooo excited hahaha. Off out to dinner now so we can discuss what and how many kids we would love so DH can be prepared tomorrow. Bless him for taking care of it lol

An excited Loki Girl


----------



## Freedo

Congrats Loki girl!! xxx


----------



## teamug

Yay great stuff Loki Girl


----------



## becs40

Fab Loki  it's very exciting! Our LA took us on 3 months after our last ivf so fingers crossed for you.

Forgetmenot how did it go?

Hi to everyone else.

Still nothing official here for stage 2 and I'm getting impatient! Going to wait until weds before chasing though.


----------



## Troodles

Yippee LokiGirl that's fab!!! Can't wait to hear tomorrow's update. 


Forgetmenot. How was today? Hope it was good. 


Becs you're very good being so patient. Bet you feel like screaming!! Fingers crossed for good news tomorrow. 


Hi to everyone else. 


Quick update. Medicals booked - me 9 May, DH 15 May,  DBS forms submitted, half day prep booked for 12 June, Eco map and personal finances done. Need to do family tree, chronology, learning log and health and safety forms. Phew!!


----------



## teamug

Becs - I am same as you, still waiting for that official letter   so frustrating arghhhhh

Troodles - get in, you are steaming along now


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all, gosh what a day, I feel wiped out!!

It was a good day in terms of people's experiences and talking to others, though felt a little frustrated as they kept saying this will be in stage 2 etc each time lol

However it is done, and we can now start the home study stuff!  I am excited and scared all rolled into one 

We have booked medicals for the 15th may for us both and forms will be done this week and handed to social worker on Friday... Yikes. 

Seems that every agency do things differently, so much variation.  

Loki - I am soooooooo excited for you lovely x bottle your big cheesy grin xx


----------



## notgivingup

Sounds like a positive day for many of us today.
Loki - hope you manage to sleep tonight!  hope the call goes well tomorrow.

forgetmenot - already!!! you are whizzing through!  Glad it went well.

Teamug and Becs - hope those darn letters come through soon.

AFM, i had signed my life away by 9am - filled in so many forms and showed so many documents: car tax insurance and mot, DBS forms, passports, driving licence, NI numbers, referee contacts, consent forms and more.  Been given our medical forms and got them booked for a couple of weeks time - not much time to lose a stone or 2 then!! also got home safety check forms and need to arrange a gas safety check.  Started family tree and ecomap and given a list of dangerous plants - who knew a daffodil was so blumin' dangerous!!!

Feels good to get things going though!  Will probably be fairly quiet for a while now cause prep group is end of june.


----------



## Loki Girl

Wow Forgetmenot things are certainly moving. How fab!!! Glad it went ok if not a little frustrating lol. 

I still have a big cheesy grin lol. We are both excited but DH said he was really nervous before he pressed the send button on the enquiry form cus it meant we are actually doing this!!! Bless him. Hope he answers the questions ok tomorrow lol and won't be too long before they make an appointment to come and see us!!  My impatience had started already, better practice working on that now lol!!

Notgivingup - blimey have I got to dig up my lovely daffodils


----------



## Troodles

Forgetmenot glad you had a good day


Notgivingup. Your post made me chuckle. I've been wondering how to lose a couple of stone by 9th May lol


Daffodils though? WTF?!?!?


On another note was going to order some books from the suggested list online. Thought I'd get the one aimed at adoptive dads for DH. However, can only find it on Amazon and it's £40!!!!!  Our library is so small I doubt they'd have it. 


Xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Forgetmenot - glad the day was good

Troodles - I think there will be lots to spend our money on on this journey.  I bought a good book called what every parent needs to know by Margot sutherland, it was on our list and it is very good and simply laid out.  Amazon often do books second hand, you can trade in your old ones too which may help?

Notgivingup - glad you are on your way

Becs - hope things come through soon....waiting is frustrating

Loki girl - hope it goes well tomorrow.  We had to wait 6 months and they were strict about it.

Lil' one


----------



## becs40

Troodles could they order it in for you? Usually the smaller libraries have access to books from larger libraries in the county.

As part of my job I sometimes have to work in one of our local libraries at a drop in session and I love seeing all the kids coming in after school finishes and the real littlies choosing their books. During the holidays they often do activity sessions and story time too which is lovely.


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. 

Happy to spend money but 40 quid seems excessive!!

Will ask the library if they'll order it in. Good idea. 

Bet it's lovely seeing them all Becs. I still remember the magic of our mobile library turning up every Tuesday. 

X x x


----------



## Lorella

lokis girl - I am so excited for you!
Forgetmenot - glad you had a good day

Starryeyed - all those questions you are thinking are totally normal Hun. As you say if your SW didn't think you were ready she wouldn't be taking you to panel so stay positive 😊. You will be a great mummy  😊x
Xxx


----------



## rsm

Yippppeeeeee. I just checked the status of my DBS online and it's in the certificate printed stage which means it's on it's way in the post - so relieved. I thought it would be stuck in stage 4 for ages. 

Strangely though even though I've never in my life been in trouble with the police I'm nervous!!! I know that's a bit daft but I'm a bit nuts I think. Ha ha

Fingers crossed for those still waiting for theirs that it will be on its way soon. 

Xx


----------



## Jalops

Afternoon to all!   we have received all the paperwork for our prep course starting in May. We have also received the eco map family tree and endless life lists! Moving at great guns. So excited! 

I have a question. Like expectant mothers before Mt, do adaptors have any rights at work, during stages, before panel? I have the boss from hell, always a battle to keep your job! I'm hanging on for dear life as I get a enhanced adoption  package, only reason I stayed! 

Hope you are all having a smashing day
Jalops xx


----------



## Jalops

How do you check your DBS on line? Xx


----------



## rsm

Click on this link if you have your DBS reference number and date of birth

https://secure.crbonline.gov.uk/enquiry/enquirySearch.do

If you don't know the reference number you can call 0870 90 90 811 and they will find it for you.

Xx


----------



## Diane71

Hiya all

Is anybody on on here from Glasgow ??

We have just ben told that we can't go on to next stage with Glasgow cc we done prep in jan 

So we have to decide to either give up or look at applying to another la or VA 

I feel like we have wasted nearly a year 


D xx


----------



## Laws1612

Jalops hello....I dunno if this helps but I know im entitled to five days prior to panel.....not sure if this is standard or just in my policy at work.....you would be best to check if there's a policy if she's terrible....least you would know where you stand xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Laws I believe that lucky for you, you have a good policy but unfortunately before matching there is no legal entitlement to time off work. Many adopters from what i gather tend to use annual leave to cover the introductions period and then start adoption leave at placement. Sucks if like me you are a teacher and all annual leave is already set for the holidays!


----------



## babas

I get no time for anything. All my assessment has been done using holiday so I have had no holiday since last July and won't have anytime off before little one comes home so I'll be 2 years in before there's any chance of any sun!


----------



## becs40

Jalops I think it's just standard adoption leave but it is all set to change next march if you're not matched by then. Next year all companies will have to be equal with adoption and maternity. As Starryeyed says it's a case of using leave etc at the mo.

Hi Diane sorry you've had such a crap time. I'm not Scotland I'm afraid although have relatives there so not any help. I would definitely make a few calls and see some open evenings. I rang 3 agencies when we starred and just clicked immediately with the one we chose. It's a very small la but the other county la I spoke to were awful. You can gage a lot from a phone all. Good luck and keep fighting!


----------



## Lorella

I am a teacher too and starting to panic a bit as if all goes quickly could be going to panel at beginning of summer holidays, be matched and have to ring up HT to say sorry but I will only be back for a few weeks in Seotember! Any other teachers on here will know that won't go down to well..........! xxx


----------



## luski

Hi I'm new here have bin to info session 2day have completed ROI & DBS just need 2 call & get them bk now it all feeling very real now & I'm so excited & cared at the same time it's strange is any1 else here with the shropshire LA? 

Tammy


----------



## Laws1612

Luski welcome.....good luck its very exciting and some of us are all around the same stage.....any questions and im sure one of the girls will be able to help....

social worker been today.....booking appointments to see reference for next two weeks.... stage 2 in June and panel in august.....I cant believe it me and dh are like kids the night before christmas.....
Xx.


----------



## teamug

Luski - Welcome to our lovely group

rsm - brilliant news on the DBS forms  

Troodles - I would ask them to order the books in, I went to our library and they got some from another library and there were 2 titles which were on my list from my LA and the library actually bought them in !!!  I was very impressed 

Laws - love that feeling  great stuff lot's to do now and wow panel in August !!  

Hello to everyone else hope you've had a good day 

We had an e mail today from SW - we have been accepted onto stage 2, just need to receive the letter to sign and send back then we will get our home study dates and panel date !!  very excited ..... hope the admin get a move on


----------



## Loki Girl

OMG it's all systems go!!!! Social worker called DH, asking him questions for an hour. After that said she would have no problem taking us on but had to speak to her manager. She phoned back to say her manager had approved. We have a social worker for stage one which will hopefully be same one all the way through but could change when we hit stage 2. But anyways have social worker booked for 1st visit on Wed 9th May   DH went through the IVF and they said didnt seem to be a problem so we don't have to wait which is fab. The only downside was we will have missed out on the next prep courses and the next one is end of June, beginning of July but we are still in Rome for the last one. The next one then isn't till end Aug. It will cost us £130 to change flights (we haven't booked hotel yet thankfully). I think we have decided to change flights and go a week later cus really don't want to wait till Aug. That would be a whole 3mths after the 1st social worker visit!!! Now I'm just getting on the train don't want to be hanging on for months lol. 

So yup now just got to wait over a week for our 1st visit. I'm very excited!!!

Welcome Luski

Fab news Teamug and Laws.  Bet you can't believe it and are both like Cheshire cats lol!!!


----------



## Primmer

Loki - great news, we went to open evening in october last year but didn't go to prep course until march because of holiday commitments so know how tough it is to wait! 

Luski - welcome to the madhouse ! 

Teamug - yay! Great news hope you don't have to wait too long for letter 

Laws - how exciting and fast moving for you!


----------



## Troodles

Yay fab news Teamug and laws and woohoo Loki you're well on your way now!!

Welcome Luski, come in grab a seat!

It's all really happening girls. OMFG!!!!

No news this end other than a link to track our DBS forms. 

Hi to everyone. 

Big hugs x x x


----------



## Lorella

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Lorella 
Teamug

In stage 1:
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops
Loki Girl

About to start:
Cassie
RocketJ

Whoop whoop! Loki Girl and Teamug! It's all go!
Great news Laws too!
Welcome Luski. Let me know if you want me to add you to our reminder list. 

Xxx


----------



## Calfoggy

Hi all 

We have just started the journey, well, had initial assessment over the phone & have been sent a welcome pack but we are just waiting to hear if we are going to get allocated a SW or not. 
Hubby has MS which I know won't make a difference but we do have debt etc. Hubby is having counselling due to his MS etc, would this make a difference? We are both overweight too. I'm trying to stay positive but we are that used to nothing going our way (infertility & MS ) that I just convince myself we won't be accepted. Sorry for going on & on. I wish you all luck in your journeys xxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news Loki Girl and laws! Look forward to hearing about your journeys.

Lorella - I know what you mean about headteachers! Mine has tried to hide her nervousness well, but not quite well enough. Thankfully she has been very understanding so far but can't hide her concern about what may happen come September. Thankfully some contingency plans have been put in place, just in case...

Welcome Calfoggy! I can't answer your questions, all I can say is be honest and open with your the social workers and go from there. I think that's always the most important thing (well has been for me), and means that you know of any issues to address right at the very start. x


----------



## Lorella

Staryeyed - can I ask what contingency plans have been out in place? 
I am in a bit of a tricky situation as our ht left at Easter and out DH is acting up. She knows about adoption plans and is my friend. Our new HT starts in September. He's coming in at the end of May  so I am gonna fill him in then and I guess he have to decide what to do then ......
Welcome  Calfoggy xxx


----------



## rsm

First SW visit today - feeling slightly anxious....


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck Rsm. Let us know how u get on. This will be us a week today lol!!!'


----------



## becs40

How was it RSM?

Welcome Calfoggy, I think we all start out feeling like that as you say because we get used to failing! But take a look at how many people adopt and I'd bet that the vast majority are very similar to all of us so maybe adoption is the turning point? Re debt, I think they're more keen to see that you cope and could cope with your finances when one if you is on adoption leave. So if your debt is manageable and not increasing it shouldn't cause too many concerns. We're trying to get used to not having my salary as plan is for me to leave work completely and be full time mum until children start school, so we're using it at the mo to pay off credit card that we put last cycle on and already had a bit of debt on. That should be clear by end of June so everything after that will be savings. We're also overweight and again they've said to us as long as we eat healthily and have a good lifestyle and are fit and healthy no real issues. More concerns if you have any weight related illnesses.

As for us well still no formal letter but DH spoke to sw today who said it's been signed off and she will chase admin. Also will have a new sw for stage 2 as current one will be off on maternity but we have met the other one as she did prep day. So that's ok, she seemed nice, she said she couldn't foresee any issues (although I guess they rarely do foresee them!), said that we'd been very open and forthcoming on self assessment forms and we should have a very speedy and straightforward run to panel. So here's hoping!


----------



## RocketJ

Whoop!!   Get me on that STAGE 1 list!!!! (sorry, a bit excited - feels like I've been waiting FOREVER to say that!)

I've had to chase the LA, but eventually today had an email to introduce my assigned SW, in which she implied that I already knew the date for the first prep course, and should have started my additional childcare experience. Seeing that the only communication I've had with the LA since I filled in the ROI has been me calling and emailing to chase them, I gave them another call right away and explained that I didn't have a date, nor had anyone mentioned me needing additional experience! (I'm a Y1 teacher, but apparently I need to get more with under 5s)

Thankfully, despite being very slow about contacting me, the LA have been really lovely every time I've spoken to them, and hopefully all this should be sorted out now. Forms are on their way in the post, someone is going to let me know the date (and at least I have a SW to email now if I don't hear) and I have the workbook to get started on. YES!!!!!!

Welcome to Luski and Calfoggy! Congrats to everyone who has shared news of their progress - someone referred to this as the 'madhouse' and they were right! I'm already struggling to keep track of who has had which meetings and when! RSM, I hope the meeting went well today xx


----------



## Lorella

Whoo hoo rocketj!!!!! Fab news! (I am reception teacher by the way) 😊

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Lorella 
Teamug

In stage 1:
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops
Loki Girl
RocketJ

About to start:
Cassie



Becs - that's sounds great! How exciting 😊
RSM - hope today went well. 

We have our 5th meeting of home study tomorrow. Getting a bit slack with cleaning and tidying already as she never goes upstairs! But then you never know......! We are going over education and employment so shouldn't be to hard as nothing interesting to tell there really. 

Hope everyone's had a good day 
Xxx


----------



## teamug

Wow ! everyone has been sooo busy this week, look at this page 50 !!  

Hello to Calfoggy 

Great to see the list, love you all


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news RocketJ!

Lorella - they are advertising a post with the intention for it to cover my adoption leave. This is only because someone else is returning from maternity leave and going from ft to pt and so they are thinking that they could do a job share for a year. I don't know if any of that makes sense...

However if I'm not on leave they'll have work for them  anyway


----------



## Lorella

Starryeyed - thanks. It's interesting to know they are advertising already. I guess it will be new heads decision when I see him at end of term. My HT whose just left was brilliant through all IVF and adoption plans. I just hope new HT is as well    xxx


----------



## rsm

Hi girls 

All went well today. Was very laid back and not too in depth because she said our workbook was quite detailed so we didn't need to go through it again. Did the health and safety checks and that was that really. 

We just have to wait for the DBS forms which should be any day now and for the medical advisor to go through our medical reports then hopefully we can proceed to stage two. She has put another date in for about 3 weeks time so fingers crossed. 

I hate the limbo part though - it's so frustrating waiting for things to happen. Still I'm very aware it's something we are going to have to get used to that's for sure!!!


----------



## teamug

rsm - glad it all went well, I am with you on the frustration - I am so impatient it's really hard when you feel like you are in Limbo just waiting....but it will be worth it in the end when we are all Mummy's


----------



## Troodles

Hey you gals you're all going too fast. I can't keep up!!! Lol

Not even gonna try with all the personals. Am in bed and just wanted to have a quick read to see how you're all doing. 

Well done everyone with your progress and big welcome to the newbies xx

Cal foggy it's such a worry isn't it. I'm overweight and have Type 1 diabetes and have been convinced it would stop us from being accepted. SW said as long as my diabetes is well controlled it shouldn't be a problem and the weight issue she said as long as healthy lifestyle and can prove I'm doing something about it to try and lose then she couldn't see a problem. 

Hope you're all well

X x x x


----------



## Laws1612

Well done rsm.....your right tho you just wanna be filling out forms and talking about it don't you....wanna talk to everyone but trying to contain myself haha.  And all the girlies that are teachers and worrying I think its really sad that you all have extra pressure.....I should consider myself lucky who new the nhs was actually helpful hehe....lets all cross our fingers ready for same rights next year....
cant wait to hear more of everyones plans xxx


----------



## teamug

How do you add the write up which appears in pink at the bottom of your posts please ? x


----------



## StarryEyed

Teamug - go to profile, forum profile and fill in the box that says signature


----------



## EmmieT

Hi, I'm new on the forum and new to adoption  My husband and I first started thinking about adoption and looking into it last year, but we've just come back to it much more seriously, have already contacted a couple of LAs and are planning to attend info events this summer. Just reading as much as I can at the mo, forums and blogs especially, and watching that new programme (on again tonight)!

I'm especially interested in learning more about adoption when you already have a birth child - most of the experiences I've read about are scarily negative. We have a BS aged 4, and having had several early miscarriages and lost two babies quite late in pregnancy we're just not going to go down that road again - however would love to expand our family. I don't think I'm naïve - I realise adoption can be a tough process and the children are often challenging in more ways than one - but I have mixed feelings since reading lots of comments (mainly on another forum) about adoption with BC. We do have a lovely life and a very close relationship with our son, who is a smart, happy, outgoing, loving and adaptable but also quite a sensitive little boy. I would love for him to have a sibling (and perhaps more importantly, he says he would love a little brother or sister), but will adopting rock the boat too much? We're not in a rush although we are serious about adoption - realistically our son would be at least 5.5 yrs by the time we would be at the stage of introducing a new child into the family. Does anyone else here have birth children?


----------



## becs40

Hi Emmie,
I don't have birth children so can't comment. We're just coming to the end of stage 1 so still early. From what I know so far we are preparing ourselves for a huge lifelong challenge and if it's not as challenging as we expect that's a bonus.
Personally if I'm honest if I had a birth child already its highly unlikely we would be adopting. I don't think it's fair on the existing child. This is also why I'd be very reluctant to adopt a sibling separately. We are happy to adopt them together but I feel it's unfair on the first child to then change the family dynamics but adopting a second. Of course we're not there yet so that's my feelings at the moment, they may well change when we get closer to adoption or if we do adopt one and feel that child would cope well with a sibling. Every child is unique and therefore so us every situation. I guess what I'm trying to say is you need to imagine the worst and make your decision based on whether that is right for your family.


----------



## teamug

Evening Girls

Hope you have all had a productive day 

Thanks Starryeyed I will have a go in a moment

Welcome Emmie - there were several prospective adopters on our Prep Group with Birth children and also a couple already with an adopted child, they all seemed happy to be going through the process at the moment but I do think there is a lot to think about and the main thing you will have to think about is how it would affect your child. Good Luck with your decision which ever way you go.

We have some great news today - we received the official letter today - we are now on stage 2 and panel should be September if all goes to plan - just got to wait for the SW to call and make that first appointment to sort out our Home Study and panel dates out. Woop Woop


----------



## becs40

yay teamug that's brill!

We've got our letter today saying stage 1 ok so have to sign it and send it back saying we want to progress to stage 2 immediately. It's only round the corner from dh's office so he can hand deliver tomorrow am. Then we wait for the stage 2 confirmation letter! All this waiting for letters, flipping admin!


----------



## Lorella

Just updating list as ....... I got a panel date!!! So excited! Social worker is amazing. So lovely and down to earth. Totally gets us. She said we were a very straightforward couple and will take us to panel mid July ( originally said August!)
Today we went through education, employment, relationship and finances but not in great detail. Really easy and laid back. Next week will be going through health, IVF and support networks. 

Hi Emmie and welcome. I think it's great that you are planning to adopt a sibling for your BC. Sorry to hear about your losses    Adoption can be a tough process but not always. On certain other forums you only tend to hear the negatives but there are so many positives too. You just have to do what you feel you can manage and what is right for your family. I am sure that you can make it work 😊

Great news on the official letters. Well done ladies xxx

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Lorella (panel July 17th)
Teamug

In stage 1:
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops
Loki Girl
RocketJ

About to start:
Cassie


----------



## teamug

Becs - yes its great when that letter eventually arrives, we must be at the same stage roll on stage 2 Home Study & Panel woop woop  

Lorella - Fantastic news wow early to panel - can't wait to get our date


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh wow what fab news Teamug, Becs and Lorella. Certainly seems to be flying by for you all. Hope our journey is as quick lol!!! Due to government targets we've been asked not to send back our official letter of interest till 5 days before our prep course which isn't till end of June as we couldn't get on the May courses as wouldn't have time to get the social worker visit in. So that prob means our countdown will start from June. Hoping she will give us some stuff to work on between her visit next week and the end of June otherwise might go stir crazy lol. Did any of you have a wait before you did prep courses and were you given anything to get started on? Just itching to get my hands on some paperwork. I am so desperate I have started writing a little journal lol. Only one page at mo but sure it will get filled up. 

Have told all our siblings now and they all seem to be on board and all said good luck so feel good that all the family know now. 

Me and DH just had a Tesco finest meal deal to celebrate hahaha!!!


----------



## teamug

Wahoo Tesco finest ! you know how to live Loki 

We were given all of our paperwork to start on before we did Prep Group  think they all work differently though, hopefully they will want you to get started there is lots to do   Good Luck


----------



## Loki Girl

Haha def Teamug. Well u know can't keep going out now got to save those pennies!!!

Ooh hopefully we will get something to sink our teeth into then lol


----------



## becs40

I can't believe how different the processes are. We submitted our roi forms at open evening. Sw then came out for a chat basically a couple of weeks later and said ok to apply formally and left application forms, self assessment forms and medical forms with us. We completed application forms and medical forms and sent back next day. We then did our prep day, had our medicals and filled out self assessment forms, ecomap, family tree and financial statement and that's it. No visits from sw etc.


----------



## teamug

We have not had any SW visits during stage 1 either just the initial home visit, we did the ROI and had a 5 day wait, then the day they said yes we had all of the forms / paperwork come through, we really liked the SW we saw on initial visit so fingers crossed she sticks with us


----------



## becs40

We're definitely getting a new sw but seems to be confusion as to who! There's only 8 of them and we've met 4 at open evening and training day. I liked one of the ones on training and that's who current sw has said will be our new one but stage 1 letter says someone else has been in touch re stage 2 agreement. They haven't so not sure if that person is sw or an admin person sending the stage 2 agreement.

On other news we decided not to save this months money but to buy ourselves some bikes! We figured living where we do children will want to go on bike rides and we thought whilst we have the money we could get some reasonable bikes now and will help with the weightloss too!


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats Lorella,

I only saw a social worker once, for an initial visit in stage 1. Had a workbook to work through so loads of paperwork to keep you busy up until my prep course which was actually 4 months after I sent in my ROI form as it fell in the school holidays. I could have attended an earlier one but it would have meant time off work.


----------



## teamug

Becs - well done on the bikes we have bikes but never ride them LOL, funny but we had that conversation this evening too that we need to get fit and loose some weight so will have to get the bikes out on a weekend ready for children ! and well done you I read your signature bit and noticed you have lost 5 stone ! Wow what a massive achievement you must be so proud of yourself


----------



## becs40

Thanks teamug. I lost 5 but have put on a stone through last ivf and Xmas etc but feels like it's all 5 to be honest! So time to kick my own backside and lose it again. We originally bought cheap supermarket bikes and never rode them. Read somewhere they said that the cheap bikes are enough to put you off cycling for life! So decided to invest in some better quality ones, we live in lovely rural area so hope the new bikes encourage us to get out more rather than just dog walking. Our dog is getting on a bit and has arthritis so not up to much more than a couple of miles these days so also looking at getting one of those childrens bike trailers that we can put her in and we'll also then have it for our kids😃.


----------



## Troodles

Oh wow. Such great news. Well done girls.  It's really happening!!!!!!


Welcome Emmie.  Hope all goes well for you. 


Hi to all others. 


I need a bit of a rant please. Went to a nursery today to sort out volunteering and they are quite happy for me to do it but want me to do another DBS which is gonna cost £50. They won't accept the one that is currently being done by LA so if DH volunteers that's £100 that could be spent decorating spare room. Does this sound right to you all? I text SW to ask her opinion but she didn't get back to me. 



Just realised I moaned about the cost of that book the other day and must sound really tight. I'm not at all lol   


The other rant is my friend called today to say she got forms through for reference but they were in another couples name.  There our details have been sent to some random person. She phoned our SW who just said sorry I'll get some more sent!!  Good job there were no details other than names on there.


----------



## becs40

Troodles, at the prep day our sw said that if we were doing any volunteering to get the nursery etc to contact them and they would sort out the DBS side of things with them. I guess they don't have to use the LA one but if the sw speaks to them they may well do. Also I know there are some recent changes to DBS now where you can now pay £13 for a year which will give you and anyone requesting a DBS an up to date one at any time during the year.
https://www.gov.uk/dbs-update-service
Check with the nursery but at most I would think that should be acceptable if not prepared to accept la one. Madness isn't it.


----------



## teamug

Hi Troodles - I had another DBS done for Rainbows and they just do it on line free of charge !!  so I can't understand why you would need to pay ??  go on the Government site yourself and have A read it's a very good site and there is a phone number you could give them a call and ask if there is a charge for a nursery DBS. 

And that is not good sending someone else name...but I guess we all make mistakes and they are busy 

Good luck with everything


----------



## teamug

Becs - I love the idea of the bike trailer have fun


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. Will look into it tomorrow. 


Well done again on your news xxx


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - I know things have changed now but at school when parents had to get their CRB done if they wanted to help in school , they would often say they already had one from somewhere else e.g .their place of work but they still needed another one as it needed to be attached to the place they were going to be working in. However the school has always paid for them as I would of thought your nursery would. Hope you get it sorted 😊

Telling the governors at school tomorrow.... Big step xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

As a volunteer, you shouldn't need to pay for a DBS. DBS checks are free for volunteers when applied through the nursery/school and only need to be paid for when it is an employee (at least that's the way it was when it was a CRB!)


----------



## EmmieT

Thanks for welcoming me into the group  I think we need to find out more - I'll call some of our closest LAs to find out what their attitudes and experiences are re: adopting with a birth child. Every positive story makes me want to go for it; every warning or negative story makes me hesitate - but I suppose that's what the process and journey is about! Our grief for the last baby we lost is still too fresh and raw to jump straight into this, but I want to give it some thought. My main concern at the moment is for my son - it saddens me to think of him as an only child, but I the potential negative impact of adoption is scary too. The potential positive impact of adoption could be just amazing - you just never know, I guess. 

In the meantime it's great to hear about the experiences of those that are further along on their journeys! Good luck to anyone with approval and panel dates coming up


----------



## Loopylou29

Emmie

We don't have bc but we have an adopted son and almost 2yrs after he was placed we had his half sibling placed with us. It has been nothing but positive for us. Our eldest has at times been jealous but nothin out of the ordinary. He loves being big bro and showing off his baby brother.  There are plenty of people who adopt and then go onto do it again. It is a little different with a bc but nothing that can't be overcome. Take your time, gather your information and if you believe its right for you then go for it.


----------



## becs40

Hi Emmie,

I think the other thing with forums is when everything is rosy everyone is off enjoying and living their lives rather than posting on the internet. There tends to be more negative online because that's where people come for support.
I guess the thing to do is as you say get more info and talk to more people and make an informed choice. Whilst we all hope ours will be the positive story you do need to keep in mind what if it isn't, can you cope with things then and that's what the agencies will want to know as well. They focus very heavily on support networks now and are you the sort of person that can accept you need help and ask for it etc.
Good luck.


----------



## EmmieT

Thanks for your support! You make a very good point about forums, Becs. While there's obviously a lot to think about we will definitely take the next steps of gathering a bit more information and talking to LAs for their views.


----------



## luski

Hi Lorella 
            Plz can u add us 2 the list we have had info session & done ROI & DBS forms now waiting on home visit  

I can only get on ever few days & so many more posts in that time  
Hope every1 is doing well it's so exciting & scary at the same time


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all...been tryinf to keep uo but so many of us now....been for medical today felt so nervous for sole reason but went well noting to be concerned about other than putting on half a kg samn you not using the gym lol....guess where I will be tomoro not to concerned tho off out for dinner tonight lol....hows everyone getting on.....any more news on trying to get together x


----------



## Forgetmenot

I am pages behind.  Sorry for being AWOL a god awful week... And been chasing my tail from Monday, so writing a list as I go through!!

Loki... OMG I am SO excited for you

Lorrella OMFG love it!!

Yay to rocket!!

Starryeyed and lorrella your HT sound lovely!

RSM limbo is the frustrating bit....

This is page 51, sure all changed... Still reading!!

Teamug congrats on Stage 2, so want to get there.... And

Becs congrats too!

Got confused with personals. Lots of new peeps which is great!  I cannot believe how busy it is and lovely to feel everyone's excitement and enthusiasm come through xx

I have been mental busy, 4 days til year 11 go, interviews, people resigning, prep course, parents evening, house a pit and the meeting of our social worker!!  Birthday over weekend, supposed to be having a garden party tomorrow, garden over grown, and sodden as rained lots and nothing baked lol oh and feel out with dh over the housework!! He was amazing and done so much too, I was being a moooooooo cow!!

Am dead on my feet!!

The meeting tonight was fine, she seems nice... So will see.  Still feel nervous xx

Anyway.... Hope I am now back... Want to keep up  x


----------



## becs40

Well done forgetmenot, glad it went ok today. Sounds like you have a busy weekend ahead of you. 

The thread is crazily busy now! 

We've got friends coming over for Sunday lunch and we have an amazing strawberry farm near us that sell to m & s so we can get cheap strawberries, so decided to make strawberry tarts for dessert! Will be the first ones of the season but they're so delicious. We can get massive tray of 15 punnetts for £10 so I made the most gorgeous strawberry jam with them last year.

I'm nervous about meeting our new sw for stage 2. It's such an important stage just really hope we get on.


----------



## Lorella

Luski - I wasn't sure if you are in stage 1 yet Hun so let me know if you are and will change 😊 xxx

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Lorella (panel July 17th)
Teamug (September)

In stage 1:
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops
Loki Girl
RocketJ

About to start:
Cassie
Luski


----------



## Nicola30

Hi everyone,

Can I join on here?   Like some others I had been in the other group, but they all seem to be way ahead of me now due to some delays at the start of our process.

I've just read all 54 pages of your thread so feel I know a bit about you all now   

We have just finished home study, have our H&S check on Tuesday and SW wants to speak to parents next week. After that we are just playing the waiting game, our panel has been set for 16th July which seems so far away considering the small amount left to do, but I guess she has set it that far away for a reason.

Hope everyone is enjoying the bank holiday


----------



## Lorella

Hi Nicola! I just read your post on the other thread 😊 and thought you are 1 day before me at panel! Welcome to our board. I will add you to our list xxx

In stage 2: 
Staryeyed (panel June 16th)
Nicola ( panel July 16th)
Lorella (panel July 17th)
Teamug (September)

In stage 1:
Primmer
Becs
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Notgivingup
Lil one
RSM
Freedo
Laws
Jalops
Loki Girl
RocketJ

About to start:
Cassie
Luski


----------



## babas

We had just over 7 weeks between the end of our home study and panel. By the end of HS I mean all reference checks, Health and safety checks everything bar PAR. Usually takes 2-3 weeks for PAR to be written then you review it and then it usually goes in between 10-21 days before panel. Will depend on your panel. Ours was 3 weeks.


----------



## Troodles

Just a quickie as on way out. 

Hi to you all. Hope you're all well. Welcome Nicola. 

Spk soon x x x


----------



## teamug

Afternoon Girls

Hope you are all enjoying a lovely sunny bank holiday 

We have had my niece and nephew over the weekend, they've gone now though, loved it we had loads of fun they are 7 and 9 and full of energy, bless them 

Welcome Nicola


----------



## becs40

Hi Nicola,

Welcome, seems like there's not much for you to do other than the obligatory waiting! Hope it goes quickly for you.

We've been enjoying the lovely weather and getting used to the new bikes! Didn't want to overdo it and put ourselves off so have been doing short easy rides but have done nearly 8 mikes in 2 days. Been out twice today and just tackled a more hilly ride tonight, did have to walk a little way but not too bad. Also had friends over for lunch and for some reason bought beef for a Sunday roast so that was nice on a lovely warm day!  
Wishing the bank holiday weekend away so we speak to our new sw on Tuesday and get stage 2 sorted out! 

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Jalops

Hello ladies, 
nice chilled weekend, although poor hubby has a flu bug, he's  been in bed. I'm catching up with tv now, taking it easy. Congrats to all going into stage 2!! We are getting everything ready for prep course. Will be quite nice,satying in a hotel, first time hubby and I have been away together for a year!!! Have a fun evening! xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi Nicola, welcome!  July is not that far away!!

Becs hope your new sw is nice.... Ours said she stays with us throughout the process but did say she had a job interview.  She seemed nice, realistic and ok to talk to, hoping we don't loose her, but guessing it will be what it will be!!

Jalops, when's your prep days start?

Teamug Sounds like you have had a lovely day too x

AFM is my birthday today.  I had a tea party come garden party yesterday and it was lovely.  Lots of friends came and I really enjoyed it.  I never normally do anything, but put myself out there and loved it!  Had lots of lovely pressies and flowers and today I have had a lovely day with dh!!

It's funny, after years of feeling missy, actually feel alive.  Sounds a bit ott, but, feel like the fog has lifted and life moving forward.

Who knows this time next year I could be having a mummy picnic......xx


----------



## teamug

Becs - well done on the bike rides, great stuff we are also wanting to get all the dates for stage 2 and get going on the HS. 

Forgetmenot - A very happy birthday to you  

Jalops - hope DH is better soon and don't enjoy that hotel too much


----------



## becs40

Happy birthday forgetmenot  . Our sw we had hoped would be with us throughout but she's going on maternity leave unfortunately. We've met 4 of the 8 sw's there so far but not our new one. All the others have been nice but you do worry.

Teamug I wish my nephews were closer but they live 350 miles away (my brothers kids) and other 2 live in Florida (dh's brothers kids and we've never met them!) . My brother used to live nearer until about 7 years ago so saw loads of them until then but they're now 12 and 9!

Jalops hope DH is better and you're not getting too many side effects from man flu  
Good luck on prep day and how nice to have a night away too! Enjoy.


----------



## Troodles

Happy birthday forgetmenot xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

That's ladies! Thank goodness for another day off!! Xx

Hope everyone is having a fab weekend xx


----------



## Lorella

for yesterday Forgetmenot! Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all hope your having a lovely bank holiday weekend. As a nurse yet again I am working so sorry I haven't been very involved lately....looking forward to babies when I can just sit at home with them and go to all these amazing classes that are available I will be quite happy with that he he..... Earning money is overrated hehe....
Very excited on Saturday received confirmation of dates for training course for all four dates however hubby out of country for last day so really hoping we can just jump on the last day of one of the other training courses...do you guys think thAts an option....don't want it to put us back we were hoping to be approved by early August....had painters and decorators around to paint all the house including baby room which is very exciting......before we knew it we were then in mothercare and ikea looking at furniture and toys ready for the little one or ones.....

Forgetmenot- happy birthday.....what stage are you at now....how you getting on 
Jalopy - you have the same idea as hubby and I with the hotel night away during prep course maybe the last ones we have hehe on our own.....how exciting.....
Troodles- how's the reading of the new books going......any recommendations for us ?

I hope your all well.....
oh yeah last question for the girls already in stage 2 could you give us a break down of meetings that happen for the hs......
Have a lovely bank holiday everyone....think of me stuck in the hospital when you are all out sunning yourselves in the beautiful beer gardens lol.....xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey ladies, seems to be a lot going on.

Welcome Nicola. I know what you mean about panel seeming far away. I'm counting down the weeks and trying to keep busy.

 for yesterday Forgetmenot. It sounds like you had a lovely day.

Laws - My stage 2 home visits were based largely around the questions from my workbook, clarifying anything my SW didn't quite understand and adding more detail where necessary.  I found the more comprehensive and reflective your workbook, the easier Stage 2 is. My SW would ask a question and then find the answer in the following sentence! So I'd say expect the same sorts of things to come up e.g. family, education, work, finances etc plus matching considerations.

Wow we are a growing group. Exciting times ahead! I definitely think we ought to organise a group meet though!


----------



## Loki Girl

Forgetmenot - sounds you like you had a lovely day. Next year we will hopefully all have Mummy cards  

I'm at work too Laws lol. The farm is heaving lol. I have spent the day so far wondering if next year I will be the one enjoying bank holidays with my little ones!!!!

Welcome Nicola

Hi everyone else

Only 2 more sleeps till 1st social worker visit - eeeekkkkkk!!!!!!


----------



## Lorella

Hi Laws - I know all LA/VA's are annoyingly different but on our prep course a couple from a previous prep group joined us for the last day as they couldn't make the last day of their prep 😊. Also will echo what Starryeyed said about HS. Our first 4 meetings were seperate doing attachment style interviews. First one together went through relationships, finances, education and employment. Next wk we are going through health and support networks. All stuff we put on our forms just going through it in person xxx


----------



## teamug

Afternoon Ladies

I too have a question for those already into stage 2, as we are right at the start and hopefully will get that phone call this week to see if we keep our current SW or get a new one and get all of our HS and panel dates.

My question to you ladies is how many meetings do you have during the 4 months ? and how often ? 

Thank you


----------



## StarryEyed

I've had 6 in total including my last one on Wednesday. How far they are apart will vary on you and your circumstances and your social worker. I had 1 then a 3 week gap, followed by 4 in 2 weeks (over 2 days) and then another 3 week gap. Some people have had them weekly. Some have had fortnightly. We managed to fit them around my work.


----------



## Lorella

Hey Teamug,
We got going with first meeting day after end of stage 1 meeting and official acceptance to stage 2:

Day 1 - My AAI interview
Day 3- DH AAI interview
Day 10 - my ASI interview
Day 17- DH ASI interview
Day 24- first joint meeting
Day 30- second joint meeting ( this is this wk)

SW said we only need to have about 3 more meetings and we have been having them weekly. This will only take up the first 2 months. The second two months is taken up with SW writing PAR and visiting referees xxx


----------



## teamug

Thanks Girls, they all seem to do it differently seems like you 2 have had similar amount of meetings though - I am so impatient guess I will find out soon   thank you very much.


----------



## RocketJ

Wow, go away for a weekend, and there's pages and pages to catch up on when you get back!! Happy Birthday to F-M-N, and hi to Nicola; I hope everyone has enjoyed the long weekend.

Would it be useful to include our locations on the list? Then we could organise smaller meetups with people in the same part of the country if people wanted to - I'm in Gloucestershire.


----------



## becs40

Good idea Rocket, I'm cambridgeshire.


----------



## teamug

Hi Girls

Thought I would do a list on where we all are, had a look through the forum - see below, sorry if I have not added you to the list, please let me know where you are and I will add you 

Teamug - Kent
Rocketj – Gloucestershire
Loki – Midlands
Becs – Cambridgeshire
Troodles – Southampton
StarryEyed – Essex
Lorella - South East
Primmer – Oxfordshire
Laws – Midlands
Luski - Shropshire 
Freedo - South Wales
Jalops - Surrey


----------



## Lorella

Great Teamug. I am South East x


----------



## Laws1612

Thanks for advice girls good to get a rough idea....they really do all do it differently....we have got our sw visiting over the next three weeks for visiting reference and were stage one....hoping to get moved onto another course for last day...fingers crossed....meet up sounds good....
I hope everyone has had a lovely bank holiday weekend....
looking forward to hearing peoples updates over the week xx ill try and keep up hehe xx


----------



## teamug

Thanks Lorella - added you


----------



## teamug

Good Afternoon everyone

Got an e mail from SW today we are staying with the same one, which we are very pleased with, and have our first meeting next Tuesday morning to book up our stage 2 meetings, and hopefully get our panel date


----------



## luski

teamug that's a great idea I'm in Shropshire


----------



## teamug

Thanks Luski added you


----------



## becs40

We heard from our stage 2 sw today and we have our first hs session 28th may. Seems ages away yet!


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope all is well . Sorry haven't posted for a bit, been busy as it's my 40th Thursday!! Manic few weeks ! Tea mug if am from South Wales xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi girls

Hope you're all well. A meet up is a fab idea. I'm definitely up for it. 

Good luck to all that have things going on this week.  Glad you've kept your SW Teamug, hope we do too. 

Becs it does seem ages away but it will fly by. We have to have all our stage one forms and books back by 28th and I'm scared it's not ape laugh time!!! Lol. We have our first prep corse on 12 June and that seems months away.  

Hope you get the course Laws. 

Good luck to anyone else with things going on this week. 

I have my medical on Friday morning. (EEEEEK!!!) and we were emailed a link to the elearning stuff today which we have to complete in stage 1. It's 2 full days worth.  DH amazed me today by coming in from work and working on his chronology for an hour and a half. Just so not like him. I was so proud, I wanted to cry!!!

Hope you have a fab birthday Freedo. 

Night night all. Spk soon x x x


----------



## Troodles

OMG what is ape laugh time?? Hahahaha









Enough time!!!!

Am blaming tiredness for that and for repeating myself!! 

Xxx


----------



## Jalops

Blimey I'm miles behind!!  
Prep starts next Tuesday whoops whoop !! All our refereers received their  forms yesterday, starting to move fast now. 
Meet ups great plan, I'm a Surrey girl. 
Hope you are all having a wonderful day ladies (lads??) , I'm counting down the days to th weekend,  
Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

So excited after our initial social worker visit. She was lovely, went through lots of stuff, said we both seemed ideal tho she seemed to imply mite be beneficial for DH to try and get a bit more toddler experience. Said it was fantastic both our jobs can be flexible to accommodate being home. Said we could adopt siblings in the 0-4yr group so that was fab. She had quick tour of house and was impressed with size of rooms etc. It all felt so right. Even talking bout the IVF was fine and even when she was saying what a difficult journey we had had already (normally that makes me cry but I was fine). Loki our lab was fab. She had a few licks then went to sleep. SW said she couldn't see there being any problems with her. 

So now there is nothing to do   She said normally she goes away and has a think as to whether they would take us on but she was do impressed that she was happy to say yes there and then if we were happy to proceed. Are we heck lol?!!!!! So she will book us on the prep courses for end of June. We can't send back the forms of interest till 16th June and we don't get any of the sheets or workbooks till we have completed the 3rd day of the prep course. So now nothing to do for almost 2mths except think of some referees!!!! If we had done this before the Easter holidays instead of after we may of got on the end of April course. Oh well at least by then we will be more than ready lol. Now just twiddle thumbs till 26th June  

Good luck on your prep Jalops 

Good luck Fri Troodles - sure they will pronounce you fit and healthy   

Hi everyone else


----------



## RocketJ

Thanks Teamug for setting up the location list (got to ask - is it 'tea mug' or 'team ug'?).

Loki Girl, that's great that the meeting went so well! Your dog sounds like she behaved impeccably    I'm still nervous, but kind of excited too, about meeting the social worker properly as it looks like that won't happen until the very end of stage 1 in my LA. I did have a meeting with a sw at their offices before I filled in the ROI, but she was a student, and gave me some wrong information, which has led to it taking a month to process my application, so I'm sort of discounting that one!

Things seemed to be moving very slowly, but all of a sudden things are happening. I have my medical and prep day next week, I've filled in the dbs etc ready to be sent off and am working on the workbook in the evenings, and my referees have received their forms! Jalops - it sounds as though we're at very similar stages.


----------



## teamug

Rocketj - it's Tea Mug AKA Tea Bag   - you will enjoy prep day next week it feels like things are happening then.

Troodles - you crack me up - ape laugh time so funny    good luck with medical, I'm sure it will be fine 

Loki - sounds like it all went well on your initial visit, lots of form filling now 

Jalops - good luck for prep group on Tuesday - you will love it 

Hello and good luck with what ever you are doing everyone else


----------



## Freedo

Fab news Loki xxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Had final meeting with SW today. All seems to be going well and she's now doing final visits to my referees and writing my PAR over the next week. Can't wait to see it!

Sounds like everything is moving along nicely for everyone!


----------



## Nicola30

Thank for the welcomes   I too am an NHS'er so don't get on as often as I would like - roll on adoption leave  

We had 6 stage 2 meetings spread over 8 weeks, 1 morning a week, varying between 2-3 hours each time (SW had a 2 week hol) My area is ridiculously small, and therefore we are the first couple my SW has gone through the new process with - so it's all been a learning curve.

Our SW gave us sections of homework from the workbook each week, to have ready for the week after, and we usually did 2 or 3 subjects per week... But definitely the more detail you put on your workbook the quicker and easier your sessions will be.

Also, on my prep a couple from the session before us attended for day 3&4 of ours, so I am sure it will be ok 

We had H&S inspection yesterday, all went well, only have a couple of things to do which we were expecting (kitchen cupboard locks and a fire blanket) and then the usual stuff (stair gates etc)

I am feeling so much calmer now, SW said she won't be in touch now for about 4 weeks as she has a match going on next week and then she us gonna start typing up our PAR. Eeek! Exciting. 

You can add my location to the list, I live in the North East but hubby has a crash pad in London so I can get down for a meet up and stay with him if through the week (he works in the city M-F)

Someone at work announced a pregnancy today, and it was amazing to be part of the genuinely happy clappy group for the first time in 10 years. Adoption is the best thing ever - we are all pregnant in our hearts... And we can still have a glass of wine! Win win!!

Hope everyone is ok  
X


----------



## Lorella

Nicola - so true. My SIL and BIL came round last week to tell us they were expecting and now me and my two best friends are expecting together, just in different ways  😊

Hi to all. No time for personals as got to get ready for work. Hope everyone's ok xxx


----------



## Troodles

Morning all. 

Loki that's great well done!! Starry eyed too. Fab!
Sorry for not many personals but sat in docs waiting I
For a blood test so just on phone. 

Hope all those who are just waiting in stage 2 find it goes quickly. Must be so frustrating!!

I'm back at docs tomorrow for medical so final gym sesh tonight. Don't think I'll lose 2 stone though!!!

All our references have had their forms and we're working our way through our homework!  Just been sent a link to elearning course so that's our weekend worked out. 
Have tracked DBS and they're just at the being printed stage. 
DH is away on a stag do next weekend so I'll type up all our stuff as we've handwritten it all. 

Have a good day all and good luck with anything going on. 

X x x


----------



## Troodles

PS

Happy Birthday Freedo. Hope you have a lovely day x x x


----------



## Loki Girl

Fab news Starryeyed!!!

Good luck for your medical Troodles. 

Happy 40th Freedo   Have a super day  

Nicola that's great you can feel happy for people when they announce pregnancies I hope I will be like that too and sure I will be now we have actually started the process. My step niece put on ******** they are getting married in June 2016. I know its ages and ages away but I used to hate weddings because everyone seemed to be there with their kids all dressed up in pretty dresses and lovely little suits and I so wanted it to be me. Now I can actually picture us being a family and me going out to buy nice clothes for our kids to go to a wedding. It's sad really isn't it? What is such a little thing to some people is such a huge thing to other people. Any family weddings or Christenings we have been to my nephew is always dressed in his grey school trousers and white school shirt - drives me crazy cus if we had a little boy I would love him to have a nice shirt and tie etc not his school uniform!!!

Anyways a question bout references which is the only thing we need to figure out in next 7 weeks lol. So we need to find 2 non family people that know us as a couple and have seen us with kids. This is proving difficult. We have 1 couple who wouldn't necessarily have been my 1st choice but they know us both very well and obviously seen us with their son for many years and is now 9. They are DH's friends but I have known them for over 5yrs. Not really my cup of tea but we get on ok so wouldn't be my 1st choice for me. But people I would like to have know me very well and have seen me with kids but not DH. Friends of DH who have kids know him very well cus they all get together for computer weekends but I never go so they haven't seen me since our wedding nearly 5yrs ago!!! The only other option is my ex boss who knows us as couple (her children were our page boy and flower girls) has seen us both with the children me obviously more so than DH but doesn't know so much of our struggle to conceive. She knows we have had IVF but not 5 attempts. 

So anyways who would be best to choose, someone who can vouch for us really well but hasn't necessarily seen one of us with kids or someone who doesn't know us as well but knows we are good with kids?

Any thoughts appreciated. I would love it to be my best friend who has supported me so much through our IVF journey and I see her and her little girl all the time but she never sees DH. Argghhhhhh its sooooo hard already   

Hope the weather is better for some of you. Here in good old Central England its peeing it down!!!! Thank God it's my day off and I am not out on the farm!!! Have a lovely day all x


----------



## Calfoggy

Hello 

We have been waiting for somebody to ring us now regarding making an appointment for our initial pre stage one interview. Is this normal? I'm not sure if I'm just being impatient or not. We did the enquiry form on the 17/04. Somebody rang on the 24th to ask questions etc and said that she was passing all our details onto her manager who would decide whether we could go further. Since then we have received an adoption pack in the post, but still no phone call. Also, does anybody think we should go on the adoption evening? Will they ask us to go anyways? They do them monthly. Sorry for all the question. Xx


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

Hope I can join you, me and my fiancé are just about to embark on the adoption process 

We attended an information session in February and spend a couple of months discussing things and have decided to submit the registration of interest forms today, feeling excited and very nervous at whats to come next  eek xx


----------



## Calfoggy

good luck rose xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all and welcome newbies x not much time as due at mums for tea x

Troodles good luck with medical, I have mine on wed and dreading it..... It's going to be horrendous 

Loki we had to have 3 referees.... One fam two non related. We went with my brother, one of my friends who knows dh but more my friend and I am god mum to their little girl and dh friend doesn't have kids but knows us well.  My friend knew a little out our IF but not massively and dh friend knew nothing.  I gave another reference for me as she knew of our whole journey and they seemed happy.  It's hard, but you will be fine.  If they need more info they will ask for additional ones, or you could supply additional ones and say why you thought they'd be of use.  They did contact my friend x

Excited to hear the next round of news  xx


----------



## RocketJ

Welcome to the group Rose!

Calfoggy - I think it depends which LA/VA you are with, but I have certainly learnt over the past few weeks that sometimes it pays to pester! I have tried to do it politely, so I don't upset anyone and make life difficult in the future, but a quick email or phone call along the lines of 'I was just checking as I had expected to hear from you regarding xxx, and am concerned that you may have an incorrect number for us... (or other similar excuse to be calling)' makes sure that you get their attention. I am getting the impression that at my LA they are probably understaffed and overworked, which I am sympathetic too, but it seems to work to help speed things up a bit!


----------



## babas

Loki we had 4 references:

My brother and his wife (no kids)
My mum
A close friend of mine (one child)
A close friend of OH (one child)


----------



## RocketJ

Completely agree with Forgetmenot about the referees. I would suggest choosing one that knows each of you well, so that the SWs have a chance to find out how each of you are with kids, and be prepared to offer more referees if they think they need them. I'm surprised to hear people have only been asked for 3 - as a single adopter I have had to give 6! It was a misunderstanding about this that led to a bit of a hold up for the last month.


----------



## babas

We were only asked for three. My mum was a bonus one.


----------



## Nicola30

Hi all!

Loki - totally get you, I used to get so frustrated over some of my family not "making the most" of their children, I can't see that ever changing, but for once I will have my own child to focus on   I am obsessed with looking at dresses! I bet I end up with a proper tom boy 
Re: referees, we supplied 3, one was a family friend who has known me since birth and DH since we got together but has only really seen us with our niece and nephew. We felt she could vouch for us on our morals, attitudes and how we are as people. We also had my best friend who knows us both but mainly me - again they don't have children but she really knows me and has been there through everything with me, I felt she would be able to vouch for us as a couple, and who we really are personality wise. We also had my Aunt as she could vouch for us with children, I wouldn't worry that much about having people with children/who know you with children. Our LA went in to how much experience we have with children during stage 2, we used our referees as people who could vouch more for who we are. They asked them questions about wether they thought we would ask for help if we needed it, and what our attitudes were to education, how we come across as a couple to them etc, there was no child related questions that I can recall. 
If you are worried about picking the right people though, give her a list, explain who they are and how they know you and let her decide which would be the best ones to help you out.

Calfoggy, it's so frustrating when you feel these people don't understand the desire and need within us for them to get the ball rolling. I had this all the way through with my LA until recently. And even now we are all done she is giving herself 9 weeks to type up PAR which is obviously how they work - I am just so impatient grr. I'm sure if you give them a ring and "prompt them" they will sort it out  good luck!

Rocket, my BFF is using a different LA to me and she had to provide 6 refs, me being one of them. I feel more nervous about that than anything lol! Her SW is coming in 2 weeks... Eek!

Welcome to the group Rose, pleased you have taken the step to join us in the elite circle of adopters. I'm sure you'll find these pages really useful with questions and worries and whenever you need to rant 

Forget me not - Don't worry about your medical, you will probably find your Doctor looks on you favourably, as mine said to me at mine "I see plenty of people daily who don't deserve their children, what you're doing is amazing" saying that, I was stressed to death about mine  

Hope all ok


----------



## becs40

Busy busy busy here! 
Hi Calfoggy, def would drop them a line and would recommend the open evening. We did the open evening and handed in our roi form there and then. Sw then came out to see us a couple of weeks later and left us the formal application forms.

Hi again Rose! I didn't warn you it was such a busy thread!

Freedo, welcome to forties! Hope you have had a brilliant birthday!

Troodles hope tomorrow is ok, sure it will be fine. Same for you forgetmenot for weds, sure it won't be awful! Out of interest was anyone charged for their medicals as saw another thread talking about the cost of them but we haven't been asked to pay anything.

Loki we had to provide 3 referees and we were the same as Nicola, 1 was my parents (they were the only ones who could comment on us with kids), some mutual friends who live round the corner and will be a big part of support network and my godparents who can say what I was like with their son when he was young but that was a long time ago!

Hi to everyone else! 

DH appears to be the one with impatience at the mo! He's frustrated that it will be a month from end of stage 1 to our first stage 2 appt and is already getting annoyed that they will now be adding another month onto it all as they'd take stage 2 from our first visit rather than end of stage 1!  Anyway I'm more resigned to it as I knew it was all going too well to begin with.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Beds - ours came with a form for the gp to claim straight from the LA xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks for your advice ladies re: the references. We need 2 non family ones and a family one to which they recommend parents where possible so that's not a problem. I think after reading your thoughts it makes sense to pick someone who knows us as a couple better than perhaps someone who kind of knows us but has seen us with children and like someone said if they want an extra one from each of us about us with children we could do that. Wish they had of asked for 6 it might of been easier lol!!

Calfoggy - I echo everyone and give them a gentle reminder. We filled in the online enquiry, got phone call that afternoon, they phoned back next day when DH could talk properly and on that phone call it was arranged for social worker to visit the next week which we just had and she gave us the ROI which we need to keep till 16th June lol. I think it would be helpful to do the evening especially if they are monthly. The social worker that visited us Wed seemed very impressed we had done research and had attended an info meeting. It shows you are serious about the process and have made the effort to attend and gather more info etc. 

Think I'm going to have learn this patience lark too Becs its soooo hard. End of June for us is ages away lol. 

We did get a phone call from our SW today though who said she thought it would be a good idea if all the couples on our prep course got together before the course just to break the ice and get to know each a bit so it's not so bad on the 1st day of the course. So they are arranging a meeting for us 2 days before the 1st day of the prep course. Not sure how I feel about it. I guess it could b a good idea. At least it won't be a bunch of total strange faces when we turn up for the 1st day lol.


----------



## babas

None of the LA's will even allow you to fill a form in until you go to an info evening.


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi All and welcome to newbies,

I was asked for 3 references, all non-related. In the end I gave 4 including my 'sister' who isn't actually related but I still consider my sister, my ex and two of my best friends. Of those only one of my best friends has children and they are now teenagers. The rest knew more about my character and I felt that was more important. They know me inside out but some have also seen me with children.

Sorry for the lack of personals. Absolutely shattered today.


----------



## Calfoggy

Hi all 
Thanks for your advice. I've emailed them & I have to sit tight. She's got a meeting next week with her manager so she will ask if she has read our details etc & let me know. Oh my word. It really is a waiting game :-/


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Thanks for good luck wishes. 

Loki that does sound like a really good ideas meet up first. Will be so much easier on the day. If my SW doesn't suggest it I may ask her what she thinks. 

As for references, we had to provide 6, with 2 being family. 

My medical went well. He said he can see no reason why they shouldn't let me be a parent. Put on form that my diabetes is well controlled and he thinks I've coped well psychologically with the infertility etc. fingers crossed DH gets the same. 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend. We are getting stuck into our e. Learning. What fun!!

Lots of love and hugs x x x


----------



## Laws1612

Thats great news troodles....its all coming along...
we had 4 references two family members one  which only leaves my mum only personleft lol....we chose dh sister due to her hhaving alil boy we look after regularly abd then two ftiends a couple that nos us both and my friend that nos us both......had reference meetings this week and next which is exciting our la do a friends and family day which is an information day to help us be supported through the process which I thought was lovely. ....

We are proceeding for fostering to adopt..so we know we are having a baby.....there is a sale on on furniture that we wanted in mothercare saving 160 pound do you think its to premature?  Xx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Laws. 


I don't know if it's too early or not. None of us have ever dreamed we'd be in Mothercare!!  If it feels right then do it. 


I'm interested to hear more about the fostering to adopt. Our SW asked us if we'd consider it as we really want a baby (like most of us).  We thought it was too risky. Have your LA given you info on what could happen?


Xx


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## becs40

We're considering it as well although our la has only done 1 and that was a relinquished baby so not sure how often the opportunity would present itself with them.
As for buying too early well I'm itching to start but am contenting myself with research and lists! I figure it could be more than a year and by the time we get to the end of the process our thoughts may well be very different and also there may be newer nicer things we'd rather have. I don't get swayed by the discounts as there's always a sale on at some time or another so won't miss out. Closest I came though was a buggy in kiddicare, the colour I want they're obviously discontinuing in kiddicare so it was £130 appx off it.
But I don't want to tempt fate and I want to be able to enjoy a massive shopping spree for our own lo rather than an imaginary child if that makes sense? I want to be able to imagine the child/children we're matched with using the bits and pieces we will buy.
Troodles well done on medicals. Ours were very matter of fact and no discussion or opinions about our situation or medical conditions, infertility etc. she literally worked through the form filling in the boxes. It was just a GP at the surgery and not my own GP.


----------



## Nicola30

We are considering foster to adopt to, our LA has never done one, but we are hoping for a LO as young as possible. SW is happy to amend our application nearer the time if needed if a child is available that would meet the criteria (don't mean that to sound harsh).

Our SW was quite honest in the fact that the pros of this are more for the child and the cons would be for us - we were asked to consider how we would feel with the LO probably still having contact with BM (and possible BF) during the foster stage of this, so it's definitely something we are considering and weighing up what we realistically think we could desk with... And also the constant danger that something may change and LO may be returned to birth parents etc. Its a lot to think about but I suppose the whole process makes you think about things you probably didn't think you could deal with being thrown at you. 

I am desperate to start buying, but I don't feel I can tempt fate. I am trying to fill time in by doing other stuff - we are just getting the garden sorted out and we are going to start on nursery soon by making it a blank canvas ready to just add furniture and personal touches to. We haven't even told anyone our panel date other than close family and a couple of friends. It's already getting on my nerves that the first thing people are asking us is "have you got a date of when you'll be getting her yet"?. I'm sure that will get worse as the process goes on, but it's only really because people are excited for us I suppose 

Anyway, happy weekend everyone


----------



## watakerfuffle

Those of you that are considering foster to adopt, has your process been any different with this in mind i.e. any extra training or anything or is it just the same process? Thanks


----------



## babas

Don't buy anything until your ratified ladies. We made this mistake? Got a yes at panel and a no at ratification. I now have to get rid of all the bits we bought after panel as they will never be used.


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## becs40

Oh Babas how utterly heartbreaking for you.  
Can you challenge the ratification?


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## Forgetmenot

Babas, am so sorry.  Can I ask why?

Are you doing the process again?

Xx

I just read back, I am so sorry.  I hope they can go back and amend.  It's it possible to adopt through another agency as devastating as it is now x I so feel for you.  We all think this is a way to get our families.... And still others have all the power x massive hugs x


----------



## becs40

Babas I'm so sorry just realised it was you that had the awful panel chair! Just when you thought you were moving forward again, bless you. You're one tough cookie to keep picking yourself up and squaring up I them. I know you can turn this around because you've got that strength to fight for your family. 
One of my friends when we were ttc said to me that all things happen for a reason and it's usually fate working it's hand to ensure you get matched with "your" child. It's a tough one to keep hold of sometimes but sometimes it's helps.I keep thinking when we hit a brick wall of the time in the future we will be a family and I won't be able to imagine how we would have probably not had the actual child we will have if it weren't for those setbacks. Hope that makes sense?


----------



## Laws1612

Becs, troodles and Nicola......we were suggested foster to adopt due by our LA due to us being so young......it's a fairly new process which apparently only came this time last year......the process has been so quick and all round a different way to most however I don't know if that's just down the areas we live.....we applied in feb and had our first meeting in march.....since march we have had two social worker visits completed health and safety check, medicals, references forms, financial forms prep course booked for two weeks in May and June and social worker has nearly seen our four references.....after the first week in June we have 6 visits between then and end of July and she's hoping for panel in August......our social worker told my mum on her meeting that in our area there was only one other couple doing fostering for adopt.....and also that there are babies popping up all over the place and we wouldn't be writing very long at all after panel......the downside for fostering to adopt of course is the uncertainty of the baby returning to birth parents however they explained they normally only enter  babies into this program if there sure they will not be going back to birth parents for explain if they are repeat offenders and nothing in there situation has changed and are well known......the contact side of things purely depends on social worker and birth parents there are some that have contact 3 times a week other that don't have contact at all but I think for a matter of 3-6 months and having that children from as little as 3 days old it's so worth it.....one important fact which they didn't tell her til recently is we were under the idea they that the la pay you for the 6 months due to the fostering however we have been informed because they are your child as you will be adopting it there is no pay and no maternity leave either until adoption order comes in. So I will be taking up to 6 months off work or reducing my hours to weekend when hubby is around to have little one......
Sorry if I've waffled I hope this helps xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Becs that a very good pint I suppose you. Oiled change your mind in what you what depending on the child......it's just so exciting I want to buy everything......hehe
Babas I'm so sorry to hear that how devastating.....keep trying if you can we all deserve a family after all the trauma....sending hugs x


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## becs40

Laws that is very similar to us. We went to open eve in feb where we handed in our roi forms. Sw visited in march and said we were suitable to apply so left the forms with us. All references were done in march, financial statements,medicals,DBS checks, self assessment forms and prep day done in April. We have a new sw for stage 2 so her first visit will be in a couple of weeks and we're booked onto the 2 stage 2 prep days in July as we were unable to get time off for the ones last week.
With her first meeting she should give us the schedule for remaining meetings and panel date etc.


----------



## teamug

Morning All - wow busy busy busy on here loads of extra pages since I was last here

Welcome to all of you new members

We had to supply 6 referees and 2 family members, they only sent off to 2 friends and the 2 family members.

Babas - I really feel for you, must be devastating hope you can get back up again and get your family you deserve 

Freedo - I hope you had a great birthday - welcome to the 40's ! 

Troodles - Glad the medical went well  great news

I know someone who has done foster to adopt - they did this as there is not as much to do with the fostering training / process as with adoption.

Sorry not too many personals - I need to catch up have a good weekend everyone


----------



## luski

I'm devasted have had a letter from LA saying they will not be proceeding with r application as I have a medical condition & have a carer 18 hrs a wk (she takes me shopping & helps with house work etc) but my husband is fit & healthy & works part time) I did tell them this when I 1st called & they said it was ok would just need 2 have my medical early on they haven't even done that wot can I do? Bin waiting 16 yrs 2 b a mum am heartbroken they didn't even give us a chance or speak 2 us


----------



## becs40

Luski so sorry to hear that. I would try another agency and explain what's happened and see what they say. I would have thought other agencies may be more open especially if you were open to the prospect of maybe older children? For example with school age children it would be easier but also plenty of single people adopt so surely it's no different to that?


----------



## teamug

Luski really sorry to hear that. Like Becs said I would look at a VA. Good luck don't give up


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## Calfoggy

Awww Luski  can you not appeal? It's horrendous some of the things I have read.


----------



## Nicola30

Aww Luski, so sorry to hear that


----------



## Troodles

Luski hunny. I'm so sorry. Please don't give up. I know it's hard and easy for us to say but do try other options. A medical condition should not stop you being a mum. Fight for what you deserve. 

Sending you loads of love and hugs x x x


----------



## Lorella

Luski - big hugs Hun. That sounds so unfair. I have read many stories though of people who have had negative experiences but then trying with a new va and they have had no problems. Don't give up Hun xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Luski - so sorry Hun. Heartily agree with the others, try a VA. It doesn't sound like anything that should hold you back if you have support etc. Don't give up, keep trying


----------



## Forgetmenot

Me too x try some more avenues x it's so unfair x


----------



## teamug

Hi all - just wanted to share this with you. We took our 95 year old Nan out for lunch today and were talking to her about adoption, bless her she asked do you go to an orphanage and choose a child ?  times have changed so much since she was young


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## Forgetmenot

How funny Teamug! Bless her... If only it was that easy  xx


----------



## RocketJ

It's lovely that you are able to say that about your Nan with affection and understand why she thinks like that. I'm actually a bit worried about telling my Nan and G'ma as I think they will both react in that sort of way, and probably be quite opinionated about it, despite actually not know anything about adoption as it is today. I'm going to wait until I'm at least in stage 2 before I tell them anyway, but you have inspired me to be more accepting of the way they will no doubt react!!


----------



## StarryEyed

I actually found my nan more accepting than my mum to begin with. Although she's not completely up-to-date with how everything works (talking about adopting friends kids from Jamaica to live in England), she has been really positive in asking about what's going on and what the future holds, so there is hope!


----------



## teamug

Forgetmenot - yes if only 

StarryEyed - We had the same Nan was way more understanding than my Dad. Though if my Mum were still here I am sure she would be happy for us and totally understand 

Rocketj - yes she is my DH Nan, unfortunately he has lost both his parents and only got his Nan, she is brilliant and said it's no ones business but ours.  But then again when I told my Dad who is 81. He was a different matter - Though I knew he would be negative and I too waited until on stage 2 to tell him, but he just spoke to me like I was a teenager and didn't know what we were letting ourselves in for, forgetting that I already have a 19 year old son who I have brought up. But I think he was just trying in his own way to say be careful and make sure it is what you really want. I don't think he realises how much goes into the adoption process and what we have to go through. I told him over the phone so he has time to get used to it before seeing him face to face. We just have to be strong and understand they have lived a very different life to us, as our children will to us. Good luck when you tell them


----------



## RocketJ

You're right - in so many things I see how their attitudes to things differ to mine, and have to remind myself how different their lives have been. I actually think they will very supportive, I just know I will have to be patient in helping them to understand how the process works now, but then I think that's true for all of us with most people we tell!

Teamug/Starryeyed - that's great that your Nans are behind you in this. Even though Nans can sometimes say the most inappropriate things (if they are anything like mine anyway!), they usually have a way of just saying it as it is, and I love the line 'it's no ones business but yours' - so right!


----------



## StarryEyed

RocketJ - That sounds so much like my nan!


----------



## becs40

Nice that so many of you have Nans around to share as well.

Thought I'd share another of my mums classics today "you do know that this will be forever don't you"   Uh no mum thought we'd just have a go for a few months first! Seriously! I really wonder what goes through her head sometimes.


----------



## teamug

LOL Becs you gotta love your elders


----------



## Nicola30

TeaMug and Becs that's right cheered me up 
I don't have grandparents, but DH does - they have been as understanding as I think they can be, it's just a generational thing sometimes with what they say. They regularly ask what is happening/where we are at, and nearly always reply when we tell them with "why are they asking you so much stuff? Why can't they just give you a baby?" Oh if only!  

They play quite a big part in DH life, so we are trying to include them with stuff but they really disagree with some stuff, like I was reading a book " the Primal Wound" and I was explaining it to them and they were saying "it's a baby, it will know nothing"
So hard to bite your tongue  

In other news, I've had a bit of a disagreement with the in-laws yesterday. I sometimes don't quite know if they are aware that the things they say are really offensive and often racist or homophobic. I called them out on it last night, and it ended on a bad note. DH is being grumpy now with me, because I spoke to his Mum disrespectfully but she didn't earn my respect. And I have to stick to my guns. I would hate them to share their 1920's homophobic opinions with little one. 

Stupid in-laws...

Sorry for the rant, needed to vent!  

Anyway, another week over everyone - 1 step closer to realising our dreams


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## katie c

Becs40 said:


> Nice that so many of you have Nans around to share as well.
> 
> Thought I'd share another of my mums classics today "you do know that this will be forever don't you"  Uh no mum thought we'd just have a go for a few months first! Seriously! I really wonder what goes through her head sometimes.


My mother came out with a good one when we first got master c home, that 'we should all make a pact' that we would never tell him he's adopted as it would 'traumatise' him. This is despite her having been on a related by adoption course our LA put on. 

Because other than all the obvious stuff, like why would we lie to him, the advice that you're totally honest to normalise adoption, that he is 100% likely to find out when he's older and sees his adoption certificate, etc,etc...what's all this 'we' business? What the fluff has it got to do with you mother?!


----------



## becs40

Congrats Katie! Nice to know my mother is not alone! I'm sure there'll be plenty more before we get to the end (or rather the beginning!)
She is actually the one who has read lots of the things I've been reading, watching all the programs etc and is acutely aware and in agreement of the parenting differently talk. They're only a mile and a half away so it's going to be good to have that support so close. I wanted her to read some of what I've read so she understands why there'll be occasions where they're excluded etc and wanted her to understand that from the books rather than think it's me being awkward. She does have a tendency to take things personally and read a lot into things.


----------



## StarryEyed

Well here is a new one for you ladies. Was talking with a colleague about adoption stuff in the staffroom this morning (no-one else was in there and she asked how it was all going). Another colleague comes into the room mid-way through the conversation and begins earwigging and comes to the conclusion that I am pregnant. Told her that would be an interesting one to explain when I rock up with a 4 yo!


----------



## teamug

Loving all these Mum and Nan stories 

StarryEyed - wow imagine giving birth to a 4 year old !  Ouch !

Nicola - Glad we cheered you up 

We have SW visit tomorrow - my turn to tidy up like a mad thing in the morning  excited


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loving the funny stories....!

Good luck with the cleaning, that will be us on Friday 

First hurdle, medical


----------



## RocketJ

I had my medical this morning, and was really relieved at how straight forward it was and how friendly my GP was (I've never actually been seen by him when I've been to the docs before). I appreciate that if you have medical conditions that you are aware of you may be more hesitant, but I was quite nervous before I went - I couldn't have really explained why if you'd asked me - and actually it was quite a straight forward set of questions and the GP summarising my medical notes for them. The trickiest bit was getting enough for the urine sample! I went prepared with a bottle of water and kept sipping while he was talking, but I was worried that if I drank too much I would be jiggling about and not be able to concentrate on his questions! Anyway, I feeel as thought I may be sharing a bit too much here, so I'll stop prattling, but hope it all goes well Forgetmenot


----------



## RocketJ

And to Teamug with the SW tomorrow too! I hope she appreciates your sparkling floors...   It's all go in this group this week isn't it! I have my first training day on Wed.


----------



## becs40

I was nervous about my medical because of existing condition and weight mainly because it wasn't my go doing medical. I didn't get opportunity to discuss with the GP that did the medical, she just filled out the forms. Was only in ther 10 minutes at most.


----------



## Troodles

Forgetmenot. Mine was so much better than I thought. Good luck but you'll be fine.   


Teamug and RocketJ. Good luck for your visit/course. 


Big hugs to everyone. Hope you're all doing well. 


Xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi All

Well we are feeling very positive after a great meet with our SW, she is lovely and makes us feel very comfortable and positive about everything so glad we got to keep her for stage 2!

And we got an earlier than expected panel date ! we go to panel on 19th August woop woop

Hope you all have a fab day


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks troodles... Will let you know. Gulp!!

Teamug... Great that your social worker seems lovely.... Hope ours stays with us too  x

Hope everyone else is ok.... Struggling to get last bits of paperwork done with work.... First exams today.... Probably more nervous than the kids  xx


----------



## Troodles

OMG Teabag!!!!! That's amazing congratulations Hun. Great news xxx


Forgetmenot. Hope you get some sleep tonight. Hope all goes well tomorrow and hope the exams aren't too stressful x x x


Hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - how exciting! Your sw sounds lovely and it so important to get a sw you can relate to in this process. 

AFM - so fed up of waiting! Still waiting to find out if we have been accepted onto stage 2. Va said yesterday that they had requested further info from my doctors and once that's received they will need to send it to their medical adviser with both our medicals again for further comment. So annoying as don't think we are going to hear anything soon but desperate to find out.


----------



## Forgetmenot

That was an epic appointment..... About an hour and fifteen for me and dh, waited to get the forms to take away with me!!

Now for the next hurdle x


----------



## teamug

Aww thanks Troodels - love you x

Forgetmenot - thanks very much we are very pleased she is still with us. So pleased your appointment went well, onwards and upwards 

Primmer - thanks very much, it's awful having to wait isn't especially it if you are impatient like me I feel for you, but it will happen 

Rocketj - really glad your medical went well. SW loved my sparkling floors lol 

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## becs40

Wow forgetmenot an hour and 15 mins! I'm feeling cheated with mine at 10 minutes! Was medicals you were talking about wasn't it?

Teamug very jealous you kept your sw for stage 2,I'm really nervous about meeting our new one.

Primmer can sympathise with you it's so frustrating when nothing's happening. It will be a month since finishing stage 1 before our first stage 2 visit which has been bad enough! 

On a funny note that I'm sure you'll all appreciate, I don't work Mondays so DH said to me that I'll be really really busy on the Monday before our visit. He said it very smugly and really pleased with himself until I pointed out that so would he as it'll be a bank holiday Monday!  

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Troodles

Aww Teabag, love you too!!   


Glad the Medicals went well Forgetmenot and RocketJ. 


Primmer hope things start happening soon. Grrrr....!!!!!


Becs that really made me chuckle!!   


Big hugs to all x x x


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope you are all ok, just wanted to say I haven't dropped off the edge of the earth I have been busy celebrating my 40th! Had an amazing party last week and off to Bath for the wkend tomorrow with friends! Looking forward yo first meeting now which is 11 June, glad things are moving on with everyone. I read every day but am rubbish with personals!! Love to all xxxxxx


----------



## Jalops

Happy birthday Freedo, welcome to your 40's! Have a great weekend with the girls. We had the first of our 4 day training this week. A brilliant 2 days. After next week, everything is done apart from the DBS, apparently there is a delay with everyone at the moment. 

We are on track for early June to hopefully start stage 2! We are told that once we start stage 2,we will hit the ground running. The pace we are told is intense! 

Anyone watch itv last night? So assume the couple waiting for a young sibling group had only the option of Scotland? Our agency sends us to every La in the country,  we go into a mass search pot. Is that the same for La? We were also told we are handed profile if it's a yes at pane from our own family finder.  Eek!! 

On the train to work, boo, but Friday, yay! And going to be sunny!!! Hope you are all good, 
Big love 
J. Xx


----------



## teamug

Freedo - Hope you had a great 40th ! 

Jalops - We are with our LA and they like to find you a match in their own authority if they can, so we have to stay with them for 3 months and then after that we are allowed to go on the National Register. Fingers crossed we will be matched quickly as our SW has given us hope as we are after adopting older children 

Have a great sunny weekend everyone


----------



## Loki Girl

Freedo - glad you had a lovely birthday. 

Jalops - Our LA said you don't have to stay with them for 3mths anymore as was the case. We can go on the national register straightaway but they did ask if we would please consider any of their children that they might think are a suitable match first. I guess each ones have their own different interpretations. 

Forgetmenot - have u recovered from your epic medical   

I'm joining the impatient ones - it's 41 days till our prep courses


----------



## Forgetmenot

What a week!

Exam groups, medical and finding paperwork!

Had sw meeting tonight to go through pet questionnaire and finances.

All straightforward.  Sw has a new job, so think we will end up with a new one for stage through if we get through to stage 2.  Think we will now be in for the long wait 

She is coming back last week of June to finish stage 1.

Feel like we will be waiting an age!!

What else is new for everyone? Any exciting weekend plans xx


----------



## Primmer

ForgetmeNot - hope you don't have to wait too long. What did they ask about your finances, did you have to provide them with paperwork?


----------



## Nicola30

Hi all 

Happy 40th Freedo, hope you've enjoyed/are enjoying your celebrations.

We are similar to teamug, we have to stay with LA for 3 months then they would look at neighbouring authorities, and then we would go national.

Primmer, we were asked to provide recent bank statements and they asked us questions about who pays what and if we have ever had financial difficulties... They also wanted to see mortgage statements and then asked us for a rough projection on finances incomings/outgoings as is now, how it will be on my year off, and how we expect it to be once I have to return to work. Was only a rough projection, don't know if all LA's ask for that tbh.

Happy weekend to all of you yummy mummy's to be


----------



## Primmer

Thanks Nicola that's helpful. We haven't been asked anything about finances yet except how much we both earn so just interested to know what info they might require.


----------



## Forgetmenot

For us they wanted to know: in comings.

Also wanted to know all our dd each month, insurances, policy documents house car etc mots, also prof of savings, bank statements etc. mortgage amounts and what's left on our mortgage?...

So basically our life!!

Another box ticked.

Now the wait for it all to come back and get on with life.

Just been watching wanted a family of my own, and had a little snivel!! You can almost feel that it could be you but still, feel like it will all go wrong and not happen.... It's weird the converts and you have in your head to renationalise and reason everything or maybe that's just me!!


----------



## Laws1612

Forgetmenot.....how strange it is that all la want different things we fflled out a form on finances and she just had a quick look at payslips and bank statements.....we were asked to work out jow much childcare would be and how much I thought I would make when I finally go back to work....
It is very scary I think for me I have made myself believe it is happening and now the thought of being let down is so scary....

sorry I have disappered off the planet this week bin off work looking after my nephew who two we had the best time and I was so relaxed off to shops lunch woth friends and of coirse train rides arpund the local zoo. ...felt amazing and so fulifiling cant wait for all of us to be approved and matched massove play dates lol xx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all,
Such a lot to catch up on! Hope everyone's ok 😊
Hope you are enjoying your 40th celebrations Freedo 🎂🎉🎊🎈🎁

Re. Finances - we just needed to fill in a form detailing all incomings and outgoings. No need to show any documents or anything. 

We have 1 SW meeting left! Last week we looked at a real profile of two little boy siblings! Was amazing - felt so excited! 

Well done to everyone getting through medicals etc. 

Have a good weekend xxx


Panel date update:

Staryeyed-  June 16th
Lorella -July 17th
Teamug - August 19th ( great news Hun!)


----------



## teamug

Good Morning all

Regarding finances we had to complete an in going and out goings form in stage 1. And in stage 2 one of our meetings is about finances where we have to show bank statements, mortgage statements, any loans and savings we have, pretty much the same as Fogetmenot

So much happening here with everyone now it's all moving we will be mummy's soon 

Lorella - wow that must be amazing looking at an actual profile how very exciting


----------



## becs40

Laws very envious of your fun week!

We just did the financial in and out statement in stage 1 but expect we'll go into it more in stage 2. 

Feels like such a waste of time at the mo waiting a month from end of stage 1 to first stage 2 appt. still only a week on Wednesday so not too much longer.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Wow......so much has happened since i've been away  

Becs - not too long to wait......what is your first appt?

Lorella - i can't wait to look at profiles, soooo exciting  


Laws - your week sounds fun, I have a little nephew too and can't wait for us all to do things together  

Freedo - belated happy b-day  

Afm have been away for a couple of weeks - hence my lack of activity.....been hiking  which was amazing........have always loved active holidays.
We had an email yesterday to say our stage one would now be 'assessed by management so we are hopeful that will be ok, and then we should be onto stage 2.
We have provisionally booked time off for a prep course early june.

Hope you are all ok, sorry for anyone I have missed,

Lil' one


----------



## becs40

Hi lil'one,

Envious of your holiday! We haven't been away for a proper holiday in 5 years, just had the odd couple of days here and there. To be honest even 5 years ago it was only 5 days in Wales! Last proper holiday with at least a week would have been our honeymoon 7 years ago where we did 2 weeks in Scotland. Determined to get away for a week this year and thinking about a week in cornwall in September but will all depend on when we'll be at panel.

Our first meeting is just the first appointment with our new sw in stage 2 so hoping that will be laying down some kind of plan/ timetable so we have a clearer idea of when things should be happening.

Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather. We're just getting ready for a nice bbq with my parents so have just made some mini meringues to go with fresh local strawberries!


----------



## Loki Girl

Wow Lorella. That is sooo exciting. I can't even imagine getting to that point at the moment lol. I think that will be the hardest part, to see profiles that you like then start imagining them in your home but knowing that you might not be the couple they choose. It's like bidding on eBay cept you are not bidding!!! Does every LA start showing you profiles before you go to panel? I'm not sure I would like that for the reasons above. If I knew I had def been approved then I'd be happy but if you haven't been approved and they start showing you profiles you fall in love with then surely other couples who have already been approved could be considered? I know it all comes down to the right match so maybe that's not a argument at all lol. 

Anyways exciting stuff and won't be long till your panel date. 

Hope everyone else is still waiting patiently


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all evertthing seems to be slowing down for a few of us now or were all too busy getting involved in the process to post hehe....we are coming to end of stage 1.... and getting ready yo book appintments gor stage 2 as keeping same social worker.....fo you get given panel date when booking appointments for stage 2? Or how does it work xxx
Loki girl we are allowed to be matched prior to panel too....very exciting but also good point about lots of people going for same child....I would like to think spcial wroker wouldnt suggest if it wasnt possible to get the match tho.....

hows everyone else getting along? Xxx


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## StarryEyed

I think for me there isn't much to report. It's just waiting for panel now. My social worker won't show profiles until after approval so I guess it depends on the Agency and your social workers personal views.


----------



## teamug

Hi All

Quiet here too, just waiting now for next meeting with SW which isn't until 20th June then we have one meeting every week for four weeks then paperwork to be ready and panel in August so just in limbo until then, our SW has said we may well see some profiles during stage 2 also. Think maybe the LA's do this but I don't think VA's can.

Have a good week everyone


----------



## Primmer

Nothing happening here still waiting to found out even been accepted onto stage 2. Hate all this waiting!


----------



## linzi31

Hello I'm new to this site and looking for someone to chat with who is on a similar journey I'm 34 in June an me an dh are in the very early stages of adoption with wwish we have had an initial visit and waiting on social worker to get in touch and start the workshop I feel it's all abit of a waiting game at the min and I'm starting to feel a little anxious hope to hear from you lovely people soon Lyndsey


----------



## teamug

Hi Linzi - welcome to our lovely group, you have to be very careful on these forums using your name I would change it if I were you. It is very much a waiting game, then you get busy weeks where everything seems to happen all at once and then it all goes quiet again, I personally find you do have to chase the SW's up some times especially in stage 1 as that is the part where we have to do all the work. Good Luck and again welcome to the world of Adoption


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi, I found in stage 1 I didn't really see a social worker. I saw one at the open evening at the beginning and one towards the end just before I went on my prep course (which was my final thing before stage 2). However during stage 2 as Teamug says you get some frantically busy times and then you get those quiet waiting periods which it sounds like everyone is in at the moment... Seems like they fall around starting stage 2, having your final visit and then waiting to get to panel. I have to say your patience will really be tested with all the waiting!! Good Luck


----------



## StarryEyed

Teaming - I'm with LA and sw won't show me profiles yet althoughI have heard of others within the same agency going to activity our exchange days in stage 2. Think it's just my Sw being cautious


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Welcome Linzi. Yes join the waiting club!!! Lol vanishing you all the very best x

Hope you're all doing well. Seems like lots of waiting going on. Fingers crossed it all moves on quickly.  

Nothing happening here. Just finishing up all stage 1 paper work and prep course 12 June. Feels like years away!!!

Am off work for 5 days and chief bridesmaid at best mate's wedding on Fri so sitting here like an oompah loompah  after spray tan. Got to rinse off in the morning and hope for the best!! Lol

Hope you all have a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Am I the only one doing the prep course first before we have done anything else lol? Sounds like everyone has been doing the paperwork for stage one before they go on the prep courses. We don't get our paperwork for stage one until the last day of the prep course. Bit annoying really. We've had a 7 week wait for the prep courses so could of been doing a lot of paperwork in that time lol. Oh well all helps with the waiting I guess. We have 35 days to go. Not that I'm counting   

Welcome Linzi

Well made a huge mistake this morn. Me and DH supposed to get up at 6.45. I walk the dog while he gets ready for work. He told me it was 6.40 when we got up so I got all rainproofed got into the park and looked at my watch to see how long we had before having to b back for 7.15 when DH left for work. However when I looked at time it was 5.55!!!!!!!!!! We had got up a whole hour before we needed too   So now watching TV for an hour before he has to go and then I don't go for another half an hour after that!!! Oh well, going to be a loooonng day. And it's voting day so farm is bound to be busy if people brave the rain lol. 

Have a good day ladies


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all

Welcome linzi x

We are now enduring the long wait until our final meeting of stage 1 on 20th June.

All our personal references are back, but work ones have just gone out.

The heads pa said to me yesterday we got your reference and it kind of took me back a bit as was only telling head and line manager... Guess she doesn't open her post!!

Was a bit akward!! She's lovely but just didn't want news going further not that she will gossip, but feel like loosing control of the information!!!

Hey ho! Half term next week  xx

Have a good day ladies xx


----------



## Laws1612

Its amazing how different everyone's process is considering we are all doing the same.....glad everyone I s getting along....
teamug.....we are at the same bit I think....we are going into stage two 9th june and then panel augest. Are they giving you panel date at first meeting or just waiting til closer to the time wanting to get goimg with buying a few bits ready for panel....who knows we might not be waiting long....

forgetmenot nothing remains a serect one day I was brave at work and told one person then the next day two people new then 4 now im pretty sure everyone knows lol....so much for keeping a serect. ...however my friend said the otjer day everyone will know when you gp off on mat leave but were not pregnant lol oh coirse hadnt thought of that.....lol


linzi31 - the first bit is a waiting game til they get back in touch but before you know it yoi have paperwork and visits coming out your ears and I dunno about everyone else but is so exciting because you realised your actually gonna now be a mummy pretty soon....

primmer - congrats on stage two not long now...that panel date section is gonna be filling up soon....how exciting

troodles - count down the days my prep course next weekend so excited cant beliebe its come so quickly....we received paperworl to fill in prior to going to prep that will make you feel like its comimg abit quicker hehe....we are all so impatient....

loki girl - I think everyone counts hehe...just think least you will be busy after....is strange how everyone does it dffierently.....im just getting up now finally a day off and im making the most of it hehe. ...

Hope that was everyone hehe.....nice to catxh up soon we will all be top busy for this with babies in our life so excites....visited baby show tje week and it felt so lovely wandering around knowing that it will be me soon with bags and bags of new and exciting things for a little person

have a good day girlies xxx


----------



## Jalops

Ooh la all. Just completed the 4 days of prep, amazing experience, saw profiles, learnt all sorts and met some great people. Just waiting for police checks to complete on our DBS, then we are done with stage 1. Will then find out if we are accepted onto Stage 2! 
If we pass, We then have our social worker allocated and panel date, then it's Go Go Go! 
Our family finder searches a month before panel, we then see, profiles immediately after panel, if a yes. 
Hope everyone is happy and well 
J xx


----------



## Laws1612

Aww thats great jalops we have our next weekend so excited....cant wait for stage 2 its so exciting isnt it....any idea when panel is for you xx


----------



## becs40

Wow busy busy! Well done Laws at the personals! I'm not even going to attempt that! 
We will do 3 days prep in total, we did 1 in stage one and we have 2 booked in stage 2. We were given our paperwork at our initial visit before we'd formally applied!
Not sure what's going to happen with us, due for our first stage 2 meeting next weds but FIL's partner passed away this am. We're not close but obviously will now be more involved with FIL as he's on his own. DH has just come down and said can't do anything until Tuesday as hospital can't sign a flipping piece if paper (medical certificate) in less than 48 hours! So can't pick that up until Tuesday now because of the bank holiday, also means can't register the death as no appointment on Tuesday so have to do that weds (which is then more than the legal 5 days!) . So DH is trying to sort an afternoon appt out for that so we don't have to cancel sw visit. Just hope and pray that they won't stop us at the moment!


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## Jalops

Hi laws, if we are accepted then probably late September. Really very exciting! I just want stage 2 to start now. You will really enjoy the course. Looking forward to getting home but almost sad no more wanting a family on! Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Sorry to hear your news becs x

Hi to everyone else.... Will be lack of personals as need to sort he dog, but...

Got stage 2 prep days booked for last 2 days of term and first day of summer holidays.... So 3 in total.  Have done 1 as stage one.... Again, so different... Crazy!

Need to tell head tomorrow, not only am I have a week off for my op in a few weeks, but now need last few days of term.... Feel awful xx


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## Laws1612

Becs sorry to hear about your fil partnerI hope you get it sorted....we lost my dad last year and it completely rocks your whole world....sendin hugs...

jalops thats good to hear even more excited now I bet its nice to talk to people in the same postion as you very exciting......

hope everyone is getting on ok....and getting ready for bank holiday weekend and yet again im working the monday lol guessing ive upset the boss haha....
off to look at wallpaper and carpet for future baby room....looking forward to that....lets pray for good weather for all the peeps that have got bank holiday off hehe xxxx


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## Lorella

Thanks Loki Girl  😊. Yes hopefully next couple of months will go quickly! Beginning to feel quite nervous about panel..... Need to get some rescue remedy in! How annoying about your non lie in! X

Hi Lindzi 👋 

We didn't really get to meet any SW properly until prep course. 

Troodles - hope wedding went ok 😊

Forgetmenot - OMG! I would of kicked off if that had happened at my school! Enjoy half term and have a good rest. 

Laws - glad you enjoyed baby show. I can not wait to buy stuff!

Jalops - glad you enjoyed prep..... And you mean 'when we will pass not if ' 😊x

Becs - sorry to hear your news. My MIL is being treated for stage 3 cancer 😔  Is tough x

Hi to everyone and sorry if I've missed anyone. Hugs to all. 

Had a bit of a moment this week. Think all the emotion of it all caught up with me after our last SW visit and looking at the profiles. This is such a roller coaster ride , sending our emotions up and down. Have had a good chat with family this week though and feeling better xxx


----------



## Nicola30

Evening ladies  

Sorry been missing, been having busy time at work to prepare for 2 weeks off. Me and DH taking some time out and going away for a couple of weeks to relax. This waiting game is killing me off  

7 weeks on Wednesday to our panel (arghhh!!) I am super petrified and finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than awaiting our PAR and stuff... SW wants to come and see us to fill some gaps in in PAR when we get back and then hopefully we are done and dusted. 

Sorry no personals, just crawled in from a 17 hour day in the office and I need to go sleep zzzz

Hope everyone is happy in adoption world xxx


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## Lorella

Ooh Nicola , you are one day before me! Saying it in weeks makes it seem even closer! Eek!

Panel date update:

Staryeyed-  June 16th
Nicola - July 16th
Lorella -July 17th
Teamug - August 19th 

Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Can't believe some of you ladies are so close now.

Am awake early, first day of the holidays and listening to the pouring rain.... I actually quiet like the rain!!

It all seems such a long way in the future.  Have a real dilemma....

Went to see my head yesterday re operation in a months time as need a week off and also prep dates (last two days of term) feel bad, as lots of time off.... First year in new job, missed the first week of term with mc and had various days.... So do feel terrible.  Anyway my dept is big and a nightmare..... No one has managed to sort it in years.  I am slowly and I mean slow making some progress.  However went to she her and she just went off on one..... Not really directed at me, but at the department and oftsed and if bad results will trigger an inspection etc.  on one had I don't care cos I won't be there but I do!  I went up to do the right this and tell her where I am at with things... And got an earful..... She was the one who when I told her had asked 'had I thought about it' so....

Basically felt overwhelmed, under pressure and crap.  Thinking do I resign...... I don't want to give up... Be equally I am serious about being a mummy and feel like I will be letting school done in the meantime even though it could be anything from 6 months onwards (if all goes to plan) on the other hand panel could say no and I'll be stuffed.  Dh is just like quit.... But he always says that and doesn't see the bigger picture.

I know some of you teach and will get it but was finally feeling like was getting there with life and bam!! Happy holidays!!

Hope you all have lots of lovely things to do this weekend.

We are going to nephews confirmation.  This is the first meet up since we revealed the news... So will be interesting xx


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## becs40

Ah forgetmenot how awful for you. I'm not in teaching so can't come at it frm that perspective. If it were me I would be inclined to let things settle, she may have just been having a bad day and vented at you? I would see if things are a bit calmer in a few days and see her again and explain exactly this. You are clearly committed and dedicated to your job but at the end of the day it's a job and not your life and sometimes life unavoidably gets thrown into your job. You have tried your upmost to limit the impact at work and you feel that she needs to recognise this and support you. 
Enjoy your weekend and hope you enjoy your nephews confirmation.


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## Lorella

Oh Forgetmenot I totally understand. That's not what ya need. 
I agree with Becs though. I think once the dust settles she will see things differently. 
Does she have a family? 
It's not your fault that the department is in a mess. You have to think of yourself. You are entitled to time off for an operation and you are giving enough notice for prep days. The last 2 days of term are a waste of time anyway so they can easily cover you I'm sure. You're being off is not gonna change any results either. 
I wouldn't do anything drastic like resign. You have to think of adoption pay, pension etc and if you are waiting a while for a match you will kick yourself if you don't have a regular income coming in during that time to save for your LO. 

I have to say I considered it though for a second but for reasons stated above decided against it. I feel bad as if we get a quick match I will be handing in my adoption leave notice a week before summer hols! Then won't be going back! They will have to sort out replacement during summer hols and I felt bad about that but luckily they have been brilliant and said they will sort something ( god knows what though!)
Have a good time today xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs x she sent emails around, so lady of her secondment..... So, my name will be mud, here's hoping she doesn't blame me.  Don't think the head does... But she was quite supportive a month ago..... Guess impact now coming to light xx

Lorrella, I don't think she does.  Recently got married.... She's in her 50's I think. But I don't really know x can't believe you are going to panel in July.  Nice done just before end of term..... I can so see your predicament too.... Schools have a habit of making you feel guilty!  They will be worried I am sure.

I was talking to a friend today, she's a deputy head and she said she shouldn't have said what she did... Thought I was being sensitive. Anyway, is what it is 

Just so scared we won't get to the end and be blessed with our lo's.... Nephews confirmation tomoorow and feeling a little anxious now.  Don't want lots of questions... And feeling a little exposed if that makes sense!  Am a moaning mini!

Hope you have all had a lovely day xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi girls

Hope you're all ok. 

Well done to all who have their panel dates. Sending lots of positives!!

Forgetmenot that is deffo out of order in my humble opinion. 

My bestie's wedding was great. We got back today to find the water tank in the lift had leaked and come through the lounge ceiling. Also 2 bills from our GP for the Medicals for £200!  Outrageous. Have you all had to pay?

Am shattered so glad it's a long weekend. DH best mate gets married next Friday so will have to do it all over again lol

Hope you all have a nice weekend

X x x


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## Laws1612

Troodles.....you should be able to claim the money from your la its a maximum of 95 pound.....if you havent been told about it I would contact uour social worker cause theres a form the go fills out and gets paid straight from the la....however anything over that yoy will have to pay.....10 pound is better than 200 tho lol xxxx


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## Loopylou29

Unfortunately not all agencies pay for medicals. First time we paid £160 for both. We then had to have them updated but our gp didn't charge us.
The second time we got charged £80 for both as our gp took pity on us.

Agencies are providing less and less in terms of expenses, especially LA's.


----------



## Troodles

Thanks girls. Our LA stopped paying on 1 Jan 2014 apparently. Oh well it's a drop in the ocean compared to the money we've already spent on tx!!

Just annoys me. Good old NHS charging for a check up and and to fill out a short form. 

Never mind it'll all be worth it. 

Have a good day all. The sun is shining here at last!!

Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Our LA does not pay for medicals either. Ours cost us £130 each! But as you say will be worth it. I think you will find this to be the case with most LA's now.... Good old spending cuts 😊xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Yes our social works told us we would have to pay too. But like Troodles said compared to the 5K we were paying out for every transfer £200 will be a refreshing change lol. 

Forgetmenot - how are u? Hope things have settled at work. I agree with others hang in there and don't do anything rash. It's hard to try and and please everyone but at the end of the day getting your family means everything  to you, I know that after everything you've gone through. I know you care about your job but at the end of the day they prob won't care that much about you.  Just do your job and pretty soon you will be home with your little ones


----------



## Primmer

We had to pay for our medicals with a voluntary agency. We paid about £80 each. 

SW manger phoned DH on Friday to say that they were going to phone his ex to find out why she hadn't returned her reference. That could be an interesting conversation!


----------



## Loki Girl

Haha Primmer. Bet u would love to be a fly on the wall for that call


----------



## Forgetmenot

We were fortunate in the fact our la paid for ours x one would hope they should, but is small price to pay.

Finally home and a long day.... Found it still hard despite being excited.  People moaning about their three children, should they have four etc.... Oh to have one!  Still made me sad when they were say he's like x and she's like that.... We still won't have that, and that's ok, just gets to you, when they are going here... Have the three, if you can cope with these you can cope with whatever you get etc...  Think over tired and sensitive today.  

Did make me realise, that it will be different with our lo and actually, preparing their cousins is going to be quite important as in their parents too..... And may side of the family supportive (not that it sounds like it today.....insensitive people!!). Again, we were the outsiders, part of a club of which we are yet to join!

Hope you all enjoyed the sun.... Will be less grumpy tomorrow  xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Hope you've enjoyed the weekend, those that were off!!

Just sent all our Stage 1 paperwork off to our SW. Just waiting on medical forms to be sent to her so DH going in to pay them tomorrow  and hopefully they'll post them straight away. 

Fingers crossed we get accepted to Stage 2. 

Love and hugs to you all x x x


----------



## Lorella

Yay! Good luck Troodles. Hope you get a quick answer xxx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Hun x


----------



## becs40

Excellent news Troodles. 
Forgetmenot sounds like it was a mixed day for you. It is a little sad thinking about all the normal bits we will miss out on as parents but I believe we'll be so busy enjoying being a parent that we'll not notice the bits we've missed.
I guess our la pay for medicals as we were never asked to pay and it was never mentioned.
Been a whirlwind few days obviously trying to support fil over partners death but he's doing ok. It's very complicated though and have lots of other things to sort out for him at the mo including somewhere for him to live. He was living in her rented flat and his house is derelict. It's become apparent as well that he is a massive hoarder and has just been accumulating more and more rubbish in his house. DH hadn't been there in 10 years but we went this weekend and is pretty shocking. Also very exciting as now we just have to get it sorted so small steps made for us but massive for fil so far. Have organised for 1 car to be scrapped (he has 6) to make way for a skip for us to start clearing the house. We should have it cleared and stripped back for trades to come in within next 6 weeks so we will now have to let our sw know on our first visit. Hope it doesn't cause any issues as we can easily cope with this and to be honest it's something exciting to get into to help with all the waiting in this process! My mum also is a dab hand at clearing and demolishing and managing builders so she is itching to get her hands on the place!
DH and fil are meeting funeral directors tomorrow but it already feels a lifetime ago to be honest so just want it out of the way so we can get on with things. Fil has been very depressed since dh's mum died 32 years ago and ended up with his partner 22 years ago but relationship of convenience and he did say he has made a mess of his life for the last 10 years at least so think he's relieved that the state of the house is out in the open and we are going to get it sorted.
Wow super long post there! Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm also sat here in our lovely clean, tidy house ready for weds - what a lovely way to spend a bank holiday!


----------



## RocketJ

Hi everyone, sorry I'm not very good at posting regularly - the last couple of weeks have been busy, including some very wet camping this weekend!

Becs - I'm sorry to hear about your FiL's partner; I have a huge amound of respect for you taking on his house - my Dad has hoarding issues (not quite as extreme yet, thankfully) so I can imagine just what a mammoth task that will be.

Forgetmenot - I can really get where you're coming from having spent the afternoon with 4 friends and their 7 children under 3! I know a couple of the children really well, and was pleased to get sometime with them (esp as I've been told to get more experience with that age) but it was really hard feeling like I'm not 'one of the club'. I know they don't mean to exclude me, and they are wonderful friends who will no doubt be one of my main support groups if/when I become a mummy, but it's difficult to know how to join in conversations about lack of sleep etc!


----------



## Laws1612

Hello all.....as you all know I'm off for prep course this weekend is there any advice or things that I could read to help us shine on the prep course. Don't wanna go and feel and look unprepared xxx thanks all xx


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## Lorella

Becs - what a lot to cope with but good for you for having a good plan to get it all sorted 😊 x

Laws - good luck with prep. I would just say to be yourselves and you will be fine. I think everyone's experiences of prep are different but at ours we only had 3 couples (including us!) which we really liked as we got to speak a lot and not have the opportunity to hide behind others ( as that's what I probably would of done otherwise!) I was pleased I had done background reading and online training as it helped with the things we were learning about. We talked a lot about: trauma, attachment, loss, parenting techniques, abuse and possible contact with birth families. 
I loved prep. They are not there to try and catch you out, just educate you some more and see how you interact with others and with each other. Answer some questions, put forward a few opinions and look happy and keen and you will be fine. Most of all enjoy it 😊. Look forward to hearing how it goes. I'm a bit jealous as would like to do prep again instead of being in limbo waiting for panel 😣. 

A bit of excitement today....... We got our profile sent through! Weird seeing it but so pleased our SW has already done it and is keen to get it circulated! 

Hi to all xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been posting as much. It as super busy at work before half term and since then had my younger sister and her 3 yo sister over for 4 days. It's been crazy but great, especially for thinking about logistics and practicalities. We went for a nice long gruffalo hunt and a play in muddy puddles. Just trying to keep myself busy before panel in two and a half weeks!

Hope everyone is holding up alright. Sorry to hear about FIL's partner Becs.

Forgetmenot - i know what it's like thinking about letting school down, but it's so easy in the education field especially I think to let work take over your life. Try to remember why you are doing this and how important keeping your priorities are. My only advice is to prepare your head as much as possible and if they can't handle that there isn't much they can do. It's better than you suddenly being off long term sick!


----------



## Jalops

Hello all! Everything is complete our end apart from the stupid DBS check! Stuck on the police checks. Currently day 22. The lady said she has to wait until day 28 until she can chase. The timing given by the police is 60 days, that takes us way over 2 months   Did anyone else experience problems here? 
Filling in my time looking at nursery themes on pinterest!! 
Looking forward to home time. Anyone watching Happy Valley? Loving it! 
J xx


----------



## becs40

Sorry brief post as utter chaos here at the mo. Turns out fil's finances etc are an utter shambles and now trying to get power of attorney to sort it all out but every hour seems to turn up something new. 
Had first stage 2 visit today which went well. Like our new sw, she seems very nice. Had the pet assessment on the dog, health and safety check and planned meetings. Should be at panel 1st September! So excited!
Hi to everyone hope all is well and yes Jalops loving "happy valley" although not sure where "happy" comes into it! Gripping stuff.
Not much help on DBS I'm afraid as ours were back in a couple of weeks. The ones I'm processing at work are generally 1-2weeks as well.


----------



## Lorella

Panel date update:

Staryeyed-  June 16th
Nicola - July 16th
Lorella -July 17th
Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st

xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi ladies would it be ok to join you all? I am just starting out. Ive got my initial meeting booked for the 11th of June. What can i expect at this meeting? Xx


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## Loki Girl

Becs - what a nightmare but hopefully you will get it sorted quickly  Fab news on panel date too!!

Welcome Tw1nk - this board is fab!!!!! We have only had our initial social worker visit and now can't do anything till our prep courses at the end of June. On our 1st visit it was about an hour and a half. She asked us about us when we married etc, asked about our families, jobs and health. Told us about the process and answered any questions we had. It sounds like a lot of LA's work differently even tho they all should have the same targets. Our social worker said she would normally give a couple time to think and she would go back and discuss it with her manager but she could see we were well prepared and committed so was happy to give us the go ahead to start the process with them. As I said she then booked us I to the prep courses but she said they don't give out any paperwork till the 3rd day of prep is over but I know some ladies on here have had their paperwork before prep courses. I would say try and make sure you have done some research. Go on the BAAF website or bemyparent which has loads of stuff. Ours seemed impressed we had done that. Otherwise just be yourself lol. Oh ours had quick look round our house too. Good luck!!

Jalops - hope your DBS checks come back soon. I can imagine the waiting must be horrendous. It will be my turn next lol!!

Hi everyone else. Hope u all surviving the rain. It's not good for half term at our farm which should be one of our busiest weeks!!! I was trying to stop our alpaca's pen from getting flooded yesterday - bit of a nightmare lol. At least day off today so a nice shopping day and a cup of coffee with my mum. Have a good day ladies x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thought I would post, though no exciting news.... Still waiting.  It's so frustrating! Part of the big plan I am sure lol

Welcome twinkle.  Everyone is lovely and full of great advise.  First meeting was great.  They had a chat as to how we reached our journey to this point, had a quick nose around the house and told us all about the process and any q's.  Everyone will tell you we were all scared and cleaning madly, but it really was quite informal. Good luck!

Rocket wet camping trips sound great... I love camping and even don't mind the rain!!  We haven't booked any yet for the summer as waiting to find out when all our sessions are! Arghhhh x

Becs sounds like a busy time.  Nice to get teeth into something.  Hope your dh is coping and doing ok. Glad your meeting went well x

Laws good luck for the weekend, can't wait to hear all about it.  Be yourself.  You don't want to be one of these overbearing people we all **** there and complain about... Me and dh always get one!! If you are true to yourselves you won't go far wrong.  Good luck x

Lorrella super excited for you.... It's so not long now x

Jalops we are still waiting.  It's so annoying as I did my school on - online, back in four days.  Still waiting for la paper one... Rubbish  hope it comes soon x

Starry eyed, sounds like a lovely adventure x thanks for the advise... Was trying to be up front and honest... But not quitting.  I want my adoption pay!

Troodles any updates? X

Loki sounds like a lovely day planned.  It's so nice to be finally on the move... Even though waiting.  It will soon come around x

Afm still waiting! And obsessing over the post man lol

Hope I didn't miss anyone x have a good day x


----------



## Calfoggy

Eeeeek! Just had an email! After nearly 2 months of waiting we are going to be arranging a pre stage one visit! Any help on what this entails?!! Too excited.


----------



## Cassie78

Hiya everyone.  Sorry for being so quiet.  I've being on hols and then a weeding on the Lakes and just generally really enjoying myself going out with friends and having a laugh.  Wow I cannot believe how fast some of you have moved forward in the process!!! I've absolutely nothing to report.  Just waiting for ROI forms to be posted out.  I only phoned Barnardos today!!! So way behind you all!!!  I have reduced my working hours to 30 per week which I started 2 weeks ago which I love xxxx


----------



## teamug

Hi everyone, been a bit quiet for us lately as just playing the waiting game until our stage 2 prep day on 14th June, then the next sw meeting on 20th. 

Hope everything is going well with you all.

Jalops our DBS forms didn't hold us up we were allowed to move onto stage 2 without them, but they did arrive just as we had been accepted onto stage 2.

Becs - sorry to hear about FIL partner. Great news ref panel date - very exciting being given that date isn't it 

Tw1nk82 - welcome and good luck 

Calfoggy - yay glad you have finally got there. Very exciting 

Sorry if I missed anyone good luck to everyone


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

Well today we submitted our stage 1 reference and employment checks etc, we had an email booking us on to a stage one training session on 16th June. I'm just about to start a new job albeit it's a 3month temp contract that may go permanent, I'm still waiting for a start date and now stressing that they won't be happy that I will have to this date off.

I had to call the duty social worker for some help with the forms as I was getting all confused, I've been with my partner since I was 19 now 27 so I don't have any significant partners before him, but he was with his ex for 10years and lived together for about 6 years but obviously not In contact anymore so didn't know what to put down for her tel number of address details!

And really struggled with who to choose for our references as I had it in my mind it had to be all people who had seen us with children and we don't have many close friends who have children, my brothers are still young and don't have kids and partners nephew is now 15. 

My best friend has a little boy and she is happy for me to babysit him and have overnight stays too as on our forms they recommended volunteering or having children in a home as we haven't got enough experience. I'm not sure what we can do to volunteer as we will both be working full time..any suggestions? Xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi Rose - we go to Rainbows and Beavers as voluntary helpers once a week, and Also had niece and nephew over to stay on a weekend, our SW really likes the idea of having little ones to stay over but also liked it that we go to Beavers & Rainbows to gain some experience so you could try these as we too both work full time and these are in the evenings. 

Ladies already in stage 2 and going to panel soon - have you had to do a 300 word write up on your selves ?  what did you put ?  not exactly sure what they want.

Thanks


----------



## Forgetmenot

Can I just rant....

After the weekend, and everyone discussing, should we have baby number three, or you can borrow my three, if you can handle these you can handle anything etc...

Sil phones up today and says know what your doing  but my friend whose had lots of ivf is just pg with twins, has dodgy eggs and argc have manage to get her pg... But it's a full time job, thought you would want to know.

Think I am super sensitive....  is our child going to be second best to everyone else, are they going to be accepted.  Just thought... A little harsh!  I don't know xx


----------



## katie c

FMN my mother was like this. She'd even consulted her clairvoyant    who'd apparently spoken to my late grandfather and he'd said that we needed one more go at a 'top London clinic' and this time it'd work. My grandfather died before I was born btw, so before IVF was even dreamt of. 


She also told me her friend had two birth children and an adoptive one, and only the adoptive one caused her problems because 'genes will out'   


But now looking at her with 'my grandson' you'd think adoption had all been her idea in the first place


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Welcome to the newbies xxx

Sorry no personals, trying to get ready for wedding no. 2 in a week. I don't even like wedding cake!! Lol

Great to see people moving forward. Slowly but surely!!

SW emailed today saying she has requested a 1 month extension for us as she's still waiting for aLA where I used to live to get back to her, medical forms to be checked over by their drs and our stage 1 prep which isn't till 12 June. So frustrating!!  She did say I know you've been worried about your medical (because of my diabetes). I can't disclose what your GP put but remain positive and try and relax. 

Easier said than done but hopefully that means she thinks it's ok. 

Right better finish packing and 100 other things whilst DH in pub!  Something wrong there lol

Big hugs x x x


----------



## Lorella

Teamug - sorry Hun I didn't have to do anything like that. I wonder if it's to help your social worker write your profile..... don't know though just guessing 😊
I reckon just summarise all your good points including what would make you a good parent, including your experiences with kids x

Troodles - hugs Hun. Frustrating but it will be fine x

FMN - only natural to feel like that Hun. Sometimes people just dont get it. I guess it's up to us to educate them or wait until they meet our LO's and fall in love with them! Then they will eat their words 😊x

Twink - welcome to you Hun 

Calfoggy and Twink - we never had an initial meeting at home so sorry can't be of much help. Good luck though, you'll be great 
Xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Teamug - I did have to write my 300 word pen picture myself to begin with. In the end I wrote two because I wasn't sure what the SWs were looking for and my SW has used an amalgamation of the two. I just wrote about myself - the usual introduction, age, background, ethnicity, family background, job. Then I wrote about the things I enjoy doing, followed finally about what experience I had that could be related to adoption and what 'sort of' child I would like to adopt. (hate the phrasing but it's linked to matching considerations e.g. additional needs). I thought very much of it like a selling yourself exercise or how you would write an online dating profile (with a few extra bits and obviously not aimed at getting a date!)

Troodles - Sorry to hear about your set-back, but it does all seem logistical rather than any concerns so fingers crossed.

Rose - Sounds like you have really got the ball moving. Good luck!

As for me - I received my PAR today. Getting ever closer to panel. My SW said not to rush in getting it back to her as my panel isn't until June (at which I'm thinking June is only a few days away and my panel is just over 2 weeks away!)


----------



## Lorella

Starryeyed - that's fantastic you've got your PAR! Gosh 2 weeks...... time is going quickly. Can't wait to read ours. Happy reading xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Morning all, 
Sorry I've not been on for a long time.  Sadly my lovely dad passed away so we've been coming to terms with that and just about ready to start looking forward and wondering how to convince our sw we are ready to move on again.  We are booked onto prep groups in June  and are wading through the pile of books which have gathered dust over the last month or so with interest again.

Congrats to all those who are into stage 2 already and have panel dates booked - how exciting is that?!? Time is whizzing by this year - can't believe its June this weekend.  Anyone else find it weird to think our lo's are out there already, waiting for us to find them? 

Xx


----------



## becs40

Hi everyone, not too many personals as I'm really struggling to keep up with everyone 😳
Hi to the newbies too.
Sorry to hear about your dad notgivingup. I'm sure your sw will be very experienced at spotting when someone is ready to move on. Also although time is a good healer isn't working towards something positive in your life too rather than sitting dwelling on things?
I know what you mean about lo's too. I often think about that! We started our journey end of feb/beginning of march and will be at panel 1st September so we're bang on the new 6 month approval. If we are fortunate enough to have a quick match then we could have our children in a normal "pregnancy" timescale!


----------



## Loki Girl

Notgivingup - so sorry to hear about your Dad  

Cassie - great to hear you have got the ball rolling. Funny on the day you posted that I was only thinking of looking up your email to see how you were!! We'll prob still be at same stage together cus we can't send our ROI forms back till 16th June lol

Becs I thought that too - could so be like a pregnancy timescale couldn't it? Makes it all the more exciting except you can't really plan cus you don't know what ages you'll be getting. I am tempted to get a few generic books and puzzles tho lol!!!

Fab news on getting your PAR Starryeyed. You are nearly there - so exciting!!

Forgetmenot - I have thought about this lots and I do worry. My mom has no grandchildren so I don't think there will be any prob there but on DH's side his brother has a son who is 7 and his sister has a daughter who is 14mths. The grandson was the apple of their eye until baby cousin came along and now our nephew seems to be pushed to one side. He loves me and DH visiting and is all over us because I think everyone else is cooing over the little one so yes in that respect I do worry MIL and FIL can see past some of the potential issues and love them like biological grandchildren. Ideally we would like an older boy that can fit in with our nephew and a younger girl to fit in with our niece. The social worker did recommend a book for grandparents to read which both sets of parents agreed to read so we may get those. 

Anyways got busy weekend with 2 of my students grading to get their black belts in Taekwon Do so keeping everything crossed I'll be a proud instructor tomorrow night!!

Hi to everyone else, hope u have lovely weekend.


----------



## Laws1612

Hello......welcome to all new people I have caught a few of your names......hopefully if you have any questions some of the girls will be able to help as I'm sure there the same questions we have all had.....wish you all the luck in the world.....

Becs we are at the same point give or take a couple of weeks I can't believe it I said to. My dh the other day as we are doing foster to adopt there's a lady out there potentionally carrying our baby it's so exciting.....can't really contain myself now don't know what I'm gonna be like after panel lol.....

Not giving up - so quick isn't it, couldn't be quicker than a pregenecy and we have to be ready....we must be super parents hehe......sorry to hear about your news I hope the SW agrees to continue sometimes you need something to focus on.....let us know how you get on....,,

Troodles sorry to hear they are holding you back how frustrating.....we will all get there in the end it will be worth the wait just think we have waited all these years.....at least we know there is something at the end of this process....

Loki girl....you are a very busy lady.....even more so with little ones too....hehe

Sorry if I've missed anyone it moves so quickly now but lovely to catch up on how everyone is doing....
Thank you all for the well wishes for this weekend and next being the prep course been out today and brought a couple of new dresses wasn't sure what to wear and being pay day seemed rude not to shop......brought dh something to to soften the blow hehe.....can't wait to find out proper information tomorrow and fill like we are getting closer....we are due to start stage 2 straight after prep so things had slowed down the last couple of weeks so looking forward to seeing the SW again and get the ball rolling.....like I said so excited I'm going to be a mess in a month or so lol xxx

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend I will keep you all updated.....
What's the plan with a meet up at all are we allowed....was just thinking if we are going to be all be going to panel in the next few months might be worth sorting something out before little ones come along.....

Xxxxx


----------



## Cassie78

Loki - I gave my dad and DH parents a book to read for grandparents.  Now my dad keeps quoting things from the book to me!! I never read the book myself as I was so excited to give them the books.  Apparently the books good for close friends as well.  

I cannot believe how fast everyone is moving.  I can't keep up with everyone!!  

I've just phoned LA today as DH really wants to adopt a younger child 2-3 so figured with Barnardos that's unlikely to happen as I think they get older children.  So I'm officially lagging behind you all now!!!


----------



## RocketJ

I bought a copy of the book for grandparents (Related by Adoption by Hedi Argent - BAAF); it arrived over the weekend and I read it last night/this morning. It's not a long or difficult read and although it doesn't go into much detail about things I think it will be useful for family and friends to get a feeling for the process that we are going through, and some hints/ideas for how they can be supportive (plus a few clear examplles about what NOT to do or say! I plan to give it to my parents plus my sister and BiL, then depending on how useful they find it I might suggest that it does the rounds of my extended family.


----------



## time2bmum

Hi ladies, hope it's ok to join the group  
We're just starting stage one. The SW came Monday and went through the stage one plan with us. Checked our I'D, went through the mahooosive portfolio we have to write and did the health & safety inspection which I wasn't expecting soo soon! She was lovely. We're booked onto training on 10th July and their deadline for getting everything done is the 9th July! Medicals next week and our referees are busy getting their references in :-D 

Nice to meet you all x


----------



## Troodles

Notgivingup so sorry to hear your news. Sending you big hugs xxxx

Welcometime2bamum wishing you lots of luck for your journey. 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you're all well. Sorry no time for personals, just logged on quickly before work. 

Stage 1 prep corse next week and then hopefully everything will be back so we can finally move on to stage 2!!

Love to you all

Xxxx


----------



## Laws1612

Time2bmum welcome to the ever expanding group....any information you need just ask im sure the question would have been asked before or one of us is thinking it....every process seems to be different depending on your agency.....im glad its moving forward quick for you....dont be disappointed when it slows for stage 2 think thats where alot of us are now in the middle bit waiting but still excited every day.....I dunno about you but its just such a postive feeling....good luck....

hi everyone else.... hows things seems to be alil quieter now.....

Two final days of prep course this sat and Mon. ..social worker has been off on hols for two weeks so hoping yo get dates pinned down for stage 2  meetings and panel....so excited. ...need something to look forward to im driving myself and everyone I think crazy lol xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Don't know about other people who have exciting and nerve wracking times ahead but I was so thrilled to turn the calendar over to June cus there are the dates of our prep courses to see everyday. It looks like now they are in sight even tho have to wait till 26th lol!!!


----------



## teamug

Welcome Time2bemum, good luck with your journey

Thanks Starryeyed ref the 300 words !

Sorry a bit quiet here at the moment just waiting for stage 2 prep group next week then we get cracking with our stage 2 weekly meetings.

Hope you are all well and moving closer to being parents


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone,
I got a copy of the book for grandparents too. It's currently with my MIL and then it is going to do the rounds! 
Time2bmum - hi and welcome to our group x
Lokisgirl - know what you mean about being in June! This term is going to fly by. Can't believe panel is in 6 wks! 

Nothing happening with me. Just waiting for PAR. SW has only made one appointment to visit one referee but that's it so far..... Wonder why? 

Had a very exciting weekend moving all stuff from spare room 2 into spare room 3 and turning that into a proper study/spare room. Now bedroom 2 is bare and all ready to become a nursery! Can't wait!

Hope everyone ok xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi Everyone hope you are all ok?

Loki Girl i felt the same this month too turning the calander for June and seeing the start of our journey xx

One week today until our first inital visit from the social worker i am so excited xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi Everyone

We have just been allocated a SW, so onto stage two we go! Hope your all well


----------



## Cassie78

Hiya all I'm also just waiting for phone call for my first home visit.  Just for general interest one of my LAs said they have over 20 approved adopters waiting for a child under 2yrs!!! As it happens I would really like a sibling group but that's a lot isn't it!! They have stopped accepting people just looking for a baby at the moment.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi cassie.....thats the same for our la too....something you could  consider if you did want a baby is fostering to adopt.....thats what we are being approved for.....however good thing about sibling groups is you will have more of a chance getting placed quicker as there aren't maby people brave enough hehe....good luck let us know how you get on xxx


----------



## Primmer

Time2bemum - welcome to this thread. 

Lorella - hope you get to see your par shortly. 

Watakerfuffle - congrats! 

AFM - found out today that at last stage 1 has been completed and we are onto stage 2. Just waiting to hear who are sw is and arrange for visit with them!


----------



## Lorella

Yay! Congrats on starting stage 2 waterkaffuffle and Primmer xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well done guys!!

Still waiting.....


----------



## time2bmum

Great news Primmer!

We're busy doing our homework.. have a massive family tree and can't work out the best way to do it. How far did you go? I have 8 aunts and uncles who all have children.. who all have children  I know 1/8th of them all!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Time2bmum, we only did our immediate family, and those that have an impact in our lives... And would be part of our child's family.  Depends on what your agency want.

As for us our DBS fors came today.... Yay another hurdle xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Woo hoo fab news Waterkerfuffle and Primmer. 

Forgetmenot - hang in there  

Cassie - fab news hope u get your visit booked quickly and can get the ball rolling. 

Well I must of had some hindsight yesterday cus I thought since I was off work I would fill in the ROI forms that we can't send back till 16th June. So did all that and had to do a whole extra page cus I have nannied for over 24yrs so had to list all my employers!! But anyways got it done. Then today had an email from our social worker saying that didnt apply anymore and could we send in the form as soon as possible!!! Talk about excited just to post a bloomin form early    

Time2bamum - hope you don't have to go too far back. I am in same boat as you as my mom was one of 8 and one of my aunties has 8 kids and they all have kids and their kids have kids. I wouldn't be able to name any except my immediate cousins. We never see them lol. I think someone said once it was only as far back as grandparents? Could be wrong tho. 

Hope everyone is else is doing ok especially those creeping towards panel


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki, well exciting!! You must be beside yourself, I know I was getting that in as the clock starts once they receive it!

Funny that us RG girls are here and moving forward in this way


----------



## Cassie78

Oh Loki that's great I'm jealous !!!

Forgetmenot -  your right it is funny but great xxx


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## Loki Girl

Thanks girls. Gosh RG just seems like a distant memory


----------



## Forgetmenot

Most definitely..... onwards and upwards!!!


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all! Hooray for Fridays!!!
Thank you for the lovely messages and thoughts.  Fortunately our sw was extremely understanding about my dad and is happy to be led by us as to how fast we go through the process - all systems go if it's our choice!

Loki - that's very exciting! Our family tree was a nightmare to do cause there are lots of aunts/ uncles (many of whom have passed away or I've never met, but we had to include them all - including dates of birth and dates of death.  I was a temporary lurker on ancestry website for that!

Congrats to those getting to stage 2 and those with panel dates on the horizon!

We've got 4 prep days next week, then hopefully if our DBS checks are back, that will be stage 1 done and dusted! 

Have a lovely weekend everyone
X


----------



## Jalops

Hi all, we are still waiting on our DBS, police checks . We can't start stage 2 without them so actually very frustrating that the police are holding everything up!! Nothing can be done until we reach  60 days. This is a couple of weeks over our stage one time frame, so feel very cross about this.  
Hope everyone enjoyed the glorious weekend. xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

It is jalops. We got ours back Friday after 5 weeks, admittedly not 60 days, however when I did mine for work, it was electronic and took 4 days.... Hmmmmm something not quite right!

Fingers crossed it comes soon.  It's terribly frustrating especially when you know there is nothing dodgy, even though we know all our future lo's need to be safe xx

AFM sw was booked for 20th, but I phoned today to say DBS forms are back and she's coming to see us Wednesday, then hopefully, we might move to stage 2, all being well with everything else.  I so want to get through this next hurdle, so I can tell people xx

General advise.... Sw said today she would as referees possibly about ivf (this was an example given) however, people knew we did this, but not d embies.  We always felt it was our child choice to tell their story, it would never have been a secret to them, but for them to disclose.  I am not happy with sw discussing this aspect with family and friends.  Am I ok to say this? I feel I need a little confidentiality!!!

Hope you are all having a good day FMN xx


----------



## Jalops

Hi all, we are still waiting on our DBS, police checks . We can't start stage 2 without them so actually very frustrating that the police are holding everything up!! Nothing can be done until we reach  60 days. This is a couple of weeks over our stage one time frame, so feel very cross about this.  
Hope everyone enjoyed the glorious weekend. xx


----------



## Jalops

Oops double posted! FMN We are very much the same as you, only our closest friends and family knew that we used donor eggs. I can only assume that the sw will only discuss ivf with those who you give consent to talk to about the subject . It's a very confidential matter and I would think that even if mentioned, they can only discuss in general terms and certainly not in much detail as even your nearest and dearest wouldn't know in great detail. They will probably just discuss your coping skills. I have could be wrong?!? Xx


----------



## Cassie78

Forgetmenot  - only my dad knows about our donor embies and one of my friends.  So I really hope they don't discuss it with people it's no one else's business.  That does worry me a little as I think my DH parents would be abit miffed we didn't tell them. Jalops is right surely they must just ask about how you coped with the treatment.


----------



## Cassie78

OMG - a social worker is doing a visit for about 2hrs this Friday.  We haven't even had our ROI forms sent out yet! Im blooming nervous now! 2hrs!!! What can she possibly talk about that takes 2hrs!!!!


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies
My first referee visit is tomorrow so I will let you know what sort of questions she asks xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Cassie relax   Ours was here that long too and we had our visit before the forms too. Ours went over things like our work, our family, our health, our jobs, how we met, our IVF treatment, our interests, what age etc we were interested in. Then talked about the process etc and took details of our passports to make sure we are who we say we are. By the time then we had asked questions and she had had a look round the house the time soon flew. She was very easy to talk to so I think that made the difference. You'll be surprised how quick it will go. 

Hope those of you waiting for police checks they come quickly and only 17 days till day 1 of our prep course   Not that I am counting


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's rubbish isn't it... What about our confidentiality, and our need for discretion.  So think I will say something.  Happy to talk about ivf in general and my fam and friends will, but they don't have the full story, and I think it's ok.  Dh and I can work through our issues togther and when necessary we have asked for help.  Even our fam and friend don't know we cycled ten times.... Why would they need to?!

Lorrella good luck.  I will be interested to hear how it goes xx

Cassie - you will be fine, first meeting was mega quick and you will be so excited.  Handy hint, pc key docs they can take away  good luck xx

Loki, you make me smile, your counting!!  I am so pleased you are on this journey. We had such a rubbish ride.... It will be here before you know it xx

Jalops, i think you could be right! Fingers crossed form comes tomorrow, I was stalking the post lady!! Xx

Can't see back to anyone else's post


----------



## StarryEyed

Lorella good luck for your referee visit tomorrow. I'm sure all will be fine.

Loki.. Don't worry I'm counting too. In less than a week I'll be at panel.

Cassie. Trust me the visit will fly by! I ended up having half day meetings with my social worker and honestly I couldn't tell you where the time went.

Jalops and FMN - I'd have a chat with your SW about what people do and do not know before they go off to visit referees. I have a complicated background and some upcoming changes that people weren't aware of. Thankfully my SW realised that very few people would know this and so only asked two of my referees about this because they were the only two that would know. I'm sorry thats vague but i hope it is helpful.

Hope everyone is doing okay xx


----------



## Troodles

OMG StarryEyed that made my stomach flip. Gawd knows how you feel!!! Wishing you loads of love and hugs. 

Forgetmenot I hadn't even thought about SW discussing donor eggs with referees. We didn't tell anyone at all. Will have to have a word with SW. 

Good luck FMN, Lorella and Cassie. Jalops hope you don't have to wait too long. 

We've got stage one prep course on Thurs and seeing SW afterwards. Hoping she says she's got everything back and can then do her report recommending us or not for stage 2. It's like torture isn't it!!!

Hi to everyone else. Far too many of us for my poor brain to remember lol

Sending big hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Starry - thanks for the advise! I will mention to sw at start of stage 2, as we are changing anyway, nightmare! We really like our current one, but she has go a new job damn her!!

How are you feeling about panel? You head must be in panic.  Mine went mental the last week of term when I went to see her to keep her updated! Think she was like.....oh pants, she's actually going through with this!!

Troodles, let me know what yours says.  I am not tell my referees all our stuff.  I think it shows you and dh can work through difficult things as a couple, but when need support you still seek it outside (though more general) and I also think, same with adoption, not your story to tell, so hopefully, they will go with it and respect our wishes!

Another week in waiting land 

Have another sunny day all xx


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies  
Exciting things seem to be starting to move for us again! Two referees were visited today and both went well. SW said just a formality really. 

FMN - No talk of IVF at all. Just wanted to ask what we'd be like with children etc.... The obvious stuff really. Final referee visit Friday week then they are all done! 

Troodles - good luck with prep and seeing SW after. 

Starryeyed - not long for you now Hun.... Exciting! 

Cassie - good luck on Friday. You will surprised how quickly 2 hrs goes! You will be fine. I quite enjoyed all our little chats! 

Jalops - hoping those DBS forms come through soon

Notgivingup - hope you're ok Hun and prep going ok

Hugs to all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good news lorrella ..... Not long til your panel.... Yikes!

It's so exciting  x


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks Lorella and FMN - I think I've come full circle. Anticipating panel for 8 weeks is the worst! A couple of weeks ago I was a bit of a nervous wreck but now I'm back to being calm. I think it helped reading my PAR and talking to my social worker who calmed me down a little. Today I also got further confirmation that the one thing my social worker was concerned about possibly holding me back previously (although seems fine now) is probably not going to happen. It's a big relief! My biggest concern right now is what to wear and whether to get my hair cut again this weekend!

My head seems okay at the moment. Fingers crossed. 

Lorella, glad your refs are underway. I think they are a bit of a formality and just checking that you aren't misleading the agency about yourselves.

x


----------



## Loki Girl

StarryEyed - so exciting. I think maybe it does take time to realise that you have made it through and are actually going to panel. You are a very brave lady going through it on your own and I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you will sail through it  

Forgetmenot - hopefully your Head will settle down in time. There is nothing she can do about it, this is your life and yes it might be inconvenient to her but that doesn't give her the right to not support you.  Besides the less supportive she is the less likely you are going to go back   Just think of you and your little ones which is way more important than her giving you any grief. If she's going to be like that then don't update her. You don't have to. All I have to tell my boss is as soon as we get the matching letter. My boss is cool and unless she asks won't be filling her in on where we are at anyways. Will prob tell her when we get to panel. I love my job now which is typical and really want to do like 1 day a week but don't think social workers will like that lol. But still cus its a children's farm I'm sure me and the kids will be up there once a week anyways so can keep up with everyone. Do they all actually insist you take a whole year off? We have told them that cus I can but wondered if they actually insist on it. After 6mths and the adoption order would they mind if I went back for just 1 day? Of course might not want to. It wouldn't be for the money and I might be loving being a stay at home mom which is what I have always wanted but then that was when I was nannying for horrible families and watching them screw up their kids lives lol. 

Anyways hope everyone else ok. 15 days till my prep   then maybe we can start doing the paperwork. Feels like such a waste to of been sitting here for 8 weeks twiddling our thumbs waiting for the prep course when our checks could of been sent off and back!!! Oh well this is the way our LA do it so nothing we can do. Tick tock tick tock tick tock.........


----------



## CyprusBride

Hi everyone, sounds like things progressing quite nicely for lots of people. I find this process so much positive than any fertility treatment. 

We have our first prep days this week- tomorrow and Saturday. I'm so pleased to be moving forward all the time. That said, I rang my docs 2 weeks ago to try and arrange our medicals. Noone got back to me so i rang again y'day and the lady who arranges the appointments didn't have us on her list so we're 2 damn weeks behind on that!

Anyway, back to the positivity, I'm really enjoying the prep stuff that we've been left to do by the social worker. My DH is embracing it too. It's lovely on a Saturday or Sunday morning we sit down with a pot of tea and work through one of the exercises. It's time we wouldn't normally spend together as we'd be doing chores or busy doing our own individual thing. Time2bemum I've done my own family tree using Word and found it relatively simple when i got into it. I'll PM you either on here or A-UK.

Our referees have had their forms through. I'm so blessed because my 12 year old nephew has said he is writing us his own reference. I wonder if SW will accept it?


----------



## Loki Girl

Maybe me being too insensitive lol but got an email from social worker saying she had got our ROI. I had to list names of people I had nannied for cus they asked for it if you and worked with children. I am not nannying now and haven't for over a year. Anyways she asked if I was with an agency for these jobs so she could contact them rather than individual families. I have been in my current job for over a year so why do they want any other job references? I only got my last nanny job through a nanny agency and to be honest I was on their books 9yrs ago and they never interviewed me again for that job was just happy to check my references since that time. I was with another agency 2yrs ago but never got a job through them. All other jobs I got privately. There is no way I want them contacting the last nanny job, cus the mother was a complete lunatic who was so vile to me when I handed my notice in that I don't want her knowing my business. Is this because its jobs with kids or because I've only been in current job just over a year?

Am waiting for a reply but am annoyed that they want references from people who won't remember me? Just don't see why past families who I am not in touch with need to be told my business? We have given them personal referees whom they said would be contacted in 2 weeks. Have asked her how far back she needs to check. How far back did you guys get checked for re: employment?

And so the frustration starts


----------



## CyprusBride

I work with young offenders but I've only done this for 2 years so they can't stretch any further back than that. I don't see why you should be treated differently because you've worked with kids for a long time. LA have just contacted our current employers.

I can see your frustration. Hopefully you will get some answers soon.


----------



## Loopylou29

They need to check as it is a child protection issue. They quite rightly will not just accept that you moved employment because of xyz. There was adopted child killed by her adoptive parents. If ss had spoken to the males ex partner they would have learnt about his violent nature. Checking your employment history is no different.  Ss are supposed to obtain references from all previous employers.


----------



## Loopylou29

Forgot to say......the references are very basic, dates employed, subject to any discipline etc. It is nothing like the personal references that will be obtained.


----------



## Loki Girl

Ok thanks ladies I get what you are saying but my main issue is my last job. When I left the woman was so vile that I never want to see or hear from her agin and there is no way I want her to know we are adopting even tho I obviously have nothing to do with her or the kids. She was so horrible she didn't talk to me for a week after I handed in my notice, then accused me when I was off sick of going for my interview for my new job instead of being sick and refused to pay me even after I had asked my new boss for proof when my interview was. She told the older girl she hated me and when I said to the little girl it's not ok to say hate she just turned round and said well my mummy says it about you!!!! I was more than professional and was only moving on cus it was too much strain to do IVF and nanny and that job was particularly stressful. I don't want them to contact her in anyway shape or form. Every other boss before that I am happy for them to contact. Are they going to go back 24yrs through all of them just to see if I did anything wrong?!!! I don't even keep up with some of them anymore and not even sure if they are still in same houses etc. 

Hoping will hear soon from her lol. Hopefully like you Cyprus they only want a couple of years. Before that job I was with a family over 5yrs and still look after the kids so they can talk to her with my blessing


----------



## Loki Girl

I also doubt if they went back too far parents would remember what year they employed me


----------



## Tw1nk82

Had our initial meeting with the social worker today. She had a good look around our house and asked lots of questions. She said that she had no reservations about us starting the process and is going to send out the ROI form. We have also been given prelimarly pep dates in august xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki, I was the same with my last employer.  I organised to send to a colleague so only had to tell one person.  It's so frustrating and unfair that we have to bare all.  I do get it, but all their other checks should pick it up, or at least wait til stage 2 when more secure within the process.

We have been having a moan tonight too about baring all and no commitment back. Just feel in limbo.  We are paying out to sort x y and z, and just thinking arghhhh am having a grumpy day lol

Well done twinkle, sounds good, exciting times


----------



## Troodles

LokiGirl I was made redundant last year after 22 years and been temping for a year and I had to give them my previous employer, my temp agency details and details of any temp assignments and I don't even work with kids!!  Might be worth speaking to SW and explaining about the vile woman. 

Glad today went well Twink. Forgetmenot hugs x

Hi to all hope all going well. 

Stage one prep tomorrow. Wish I knew what to expect or what to wear!! Lol

T xxx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope you are all ok. I have been reading everyone's updates but as some of you know have had a hectic but fab month celebrating my 40th! Well we had info evening tonight and filled our details in,  just wait for call now to arrange visit hopefully next week!! Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks forgetmenot  x

Troodles hope prep goes well. Let us know how it goes and what you end up wearing x

Freedo hope info evening went well  and hope you get your visit sorted for next week x

Hope everyone else is doing well xx


----------



## RocketJ

Hi everyone - so exciting to read about all the progress people are making! Starryeyed and Lorella going to panel so soon!!

Sorry I've not posted in ages; I've been waiting, waiting, waiting with no news, and was just starting to wonder if I needed to chase my SW as she hadn't even replied when I sent her my finished workbook last week, and I am due (in theory) to finish Stage 1 on June 16th. Then today up pops an email from her saying 'ohps, just realised we haven't booked a date for your visit - can I come on Friday'!! So I'm frantically cleaning and tidying and trying to be realistic about how much time I've got - I don't think the I can quite pull off the home baked cakes etc in time  

Loki - that sounds really frustrating - could you talk to your SW and see if they can request the details they need from this lady without needing to say why? If all they need is dates etc and to know there were no disciplinary issues, then I can't see why it is relevant for her to know you are applying to adopt.

Troodles - if your LA/VA is anything like mine, the S1 prep day will be an overview touching on all of the things they will cover in more detail during S2 (contact, attachment, therapeutic parenting, looking at some case studies...) Ours was led by an adopter and a SW. The adopter shared some of her story as well as leading a lot of the other sessions. There were 8 of us, so it was a good size group to chat comfortably. I wore jeans - I don't think it is the kind of thing you need to dress up for - everyone was dressed fairly casually.


----------



## RocketJ

Troodles - forgot to say, most importantly, try to relax and enjoy it! I found it really interesting and helpful. If you've been reading around the subject (in books and on these boards) then there might not be much new, but it was helpful to be able to discuss things.


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Twink and Rocket xx

Wow rocket nothing like a bit of notice!!! Good luck Hun. Hope tomorrow goes well. 

Have a good day all xxx


----------



## Troodles

PS gone for cropped linen trousers and a light summery top lol


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all....
sorry havent posted for all while...have now completed preo course snd hopefully social worker coming out next week....she is busy checking everything for stage 1 is complete and booking us a panel date for the end of august/beginning of sept to hopefully  bring it forward...im sure sbe saod this first meeting is based on relationships.....getting frustraed waiting but no the minute sees her  again and gives us a date ill be all excited....getting inpatient after being told on prep how many childern and babies are waiting....

Troodles good luck today be aware the first day is mind blowing with infoation...dinner and wine to chill oit I think is needed.....so exciting...

rocket j baked cakes your amazing I could  not risk it and be no one would eat them it would not give social worker much hope in my cooking hehe....

freddo a whole month you lucky lady hehe....keep us updated cant wait to hear...xx

Hope everyone else is doing well I all sounds very postive.....hopefully we will all be being matched at the same time and can continue our friendships....xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks for your advice ladies. I have calmed down a little now   If they just want confirmation of dates I worked etc then happy for agency to do that with the horrible woman and then she won't have to contact her. Phew!!!

Got our info in the post today confirming the prep courses and got the DBS forms to fill in and take back on 1st day. Have to say seeing it in black and white is exciting but scary!!! I know they are assessing you but to see it in black and white that this will all be reported back to your social worker and will be part of your final report is scary. Did anyone feel like they were being watched or once you were on it you didnt think much of that side? 

Rocket - I'm sure everything will be fine tomorrow. Will be thinking of you 

Troodles will be good to hear how you get on to put my nerves at ease lol!! Still got 2 weeks to prepare tho!!!

Freedo - hope your phone call comes soon!!


----------



## time2bmum

Hi Loki - it is a bit big brother. Okay it's a lot big brother but worth it in the end. You just have to be as honest as you can though I would say.. the best advice I was given was not to offer anything they don't ask for. You know sometimes you just stay stuff lol, especially if you're nervous. And then something gets picked up in what you say and.. the drama of it  

Hope all going well for everyone else. We had a stroke of luck at the dr's. They completed the form in the session and gave it back so we could post straight away! Took 1hr 15 mins but only cost £79 (was expecting £93!). Only slight issue was she found a faint murmur. She's not concerned at all and thinks it will go but had to put down that she recommends I have an ECG and scan. Hope it doesn't hold things up. Otherwise, we're cracking on with homework!

All our references are in including my extra one but my step-dad is being a bit rubbish. He's promised he'll do it this weekend but we'll see.

How's everyone else getting on?


----------



## Lorella

Lokisgirl - I had to provide contact details for someone I nannied for 20 years ago. They said they needed to contact any employer where I had worked with children. They weren't interested in any others apart from my current employer. It turned out that they wrote to them but they never replied ( no longer at that address). It held things up a bit inbetween stages as they were waiting for a reply for so long but in the end they let me proceed without it. Hope it all works out ok 😊x

We are actually going to panel on 16th July now. She's finished our PAR so just waiting for her to send it through. Got so much else going on at mo to be honest adoption is at back of my mind! Got my DH 40th to organise, end of term reports to write for school, MIL started chemo today too..... 😔

Hope everyone's ok. Good to hear things are moving forward xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh good Lord Lorella. I seriously hope not. For 10yrs of my 24yrs nannying I was nannying abroad. Surely they are not going back 24yrs!!!! There is no way they are getting replies from half the people I worked abroad for cus I am not in touch with some of them. I understand their reasons but if they are going to do all that they are not going to reach their government targets that's for sure!! Guess just have to wait for her reply which she is not rushing to do lol.


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


That was a good result time2bmum   


LokiGirl don't worry it was fine. Obviously all LAs are different but we had 5 couples and 2 SWs. Just lots of talking and telling us what to expect really. Couple of little exercises but mist of it was going through stage 1 forms and how to do an ecomap. Bit boring for us as we've already completed all that and they're with our SW. BUT THE INFO ABOUT STAGE 2 and panel was interesting.  


Laws I don't drink but we went for some lunch down on the water and DH had a couple of beers on my behalf!!


We saw our SW while we were there and she said she got everything back for stage 1 except the report from their medical advisor which is the bit I'm worried about. She said she read our GP reports and there's nothing to worry about but how does she know what they're gonna say  She's on holiday next week so said we probably won't hear for 3 weeks.  Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!! Almost worse than 2ww!! She also said she's gonna try and stay with us in stage 2 which we'd like coz she's lovely. 
Can't bear this waiting. Just want to know if we've made it to stage 2. 


Rocket good luck tomorrow. Hope you get some sleep tonight. 


Lorella that's great news. Not long now Hun!!


How's everyone else doing?


Big hugs xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Glad the prep day went well Troodles - I hope they all admired your cropped trousers?!  

Like you, I'm trying hard not to be impatient, but just can't wait to know for sure that I can progress to stage 2. I really thought I would find out this afternoon (SW had said we could make a decision, pending a clear DBS) but an hour before she was due to arrive this afternoon, she called to say she couldn't make it and could we do it next week! 2 evenings of frantically cleaning wasted  , and the waiting continues...

I'm sure I'll cope with the waiting, but it is annoying as I came home from school at lunch time to be sure I was ready (it's my PPA afternoon) and that meant I had to cancel a maypole practice for our summer fete - plus I may now have to cancel next week's too, and the fete is next weekend - aargh! Think I might have to sell it as a knot tying demonstration rather than dancing!


----------



## StarryEyed

Sorry for the silence. Been away on a school trip for 3 days with a load of kids. Had just the 9 in my building overnight and man am I shattered! I honestly feel like I've been a mother of 9 children in addition to teacher of 24 of the 30 I teach day to day. 

Downers... realising that some children can't use a knife and fork at 9 years old, going to sleep at gone 1am and waking at 5am because children think its time for breakfast, watching my breakfast go cold as I serve all the children, tears because children are feeling homesick, and finally the incessant screaming because there is a spider/moth/harmless piece of fluff in their rooms. 

Ups - walking across the fields with 24 kids thinking I can't wait to be able to do this type of thing with my own, getting 11 children to eat something green (Miss... This is the first time I've eaten salad), watching my child with SEN getting involved as they handed out serviettes (proud moment!), settling 11 children into bed with a hot chocolate and them being asleep by 11pm and then getting a lie in until half 7 this morning (despite the rush for breakfast that ensued), helping 4 children learn how to make a bed and finally hearing my class at how much they enjoyed the trip and don't want to go home. 

I think it was just what I needed to help me remember that I can do this, I am qualified to this and I don't need to panic. Roll on Monday...


----------



## Forgetmenot

Starryeyed well done you! Sounds like a good week... Those trips see exhausting, but so so rewarding, my fav are the ski ones 

Laws, great news about panel.... It makes it all real and well done for getting to the end of stage 1!!

How are your forms going Loki?

Time2be, sounds like you are getting there!

Cassie, how's things?

Glad prep wasn't too taxing troodles. I think if your like us all on here, you go to that first day quite informed, defo helps!

Rocket, how frustrating! We had that this week too.

AFM feeling a little despondent.  We were waiting to move to stage 2 this week and still waiting.  I find it hard when people aren't fully competent and don't meet their deadlines..... I would be up on a disapilnary!! (In all fairness I know you can't rush it etc, just feel like forever never comes!!).

Hope you are all looking forward to a toasty weekend xxx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck tomorrow Starryeyed!
Looking forward to putting you at the top of our mummies to be list!
Xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Definitely echo that thought - we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow Starryeyed xx


----------



## Troodles

StarryEyed. 


Wishing all the love and luck in the world. Be thinking of you tomorrow and can't wait to hear your good news!!!


    


Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Best of luck starry xx


----------



## Primmer

Starry - best of luck for today x


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck Starry. Will b waiting for your update!!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck starry x

Well our ROI forms have turned up but not allowed to send them back until the 6th of July so now its just a waiting game for the next month but i can deal with that. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Haha know that feeling Tw1nk we were same had to wait bout 6 weeks to send ours back lol. 

Had response from social worker re all my nanny references. She said she had checked their requirements and they need my last agency details and the years I worked for each job and how I got the jobs. I have given them the agency details and have tried to explain that I just got the odd job through them. I had to send her all the dates for every job and if I got them through an agency or sourced them myself   Some of the early ones from 20yrs ago I have just had to say it was an agency but can't remember names. If they are planning on checking them all then we are in for a looooooong stage 1!!!!! Still I am trying to chill and tell myself if thats what they need then that is what they need and will try not to get so worked up especially at the first hurdle    Will see what she says when she gets email. Just got the DBS forms to fill in now to take with us on 24th when we go to meet the other couples.


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey Loki,

I know what you mean about collecting references. It doesn't help that in addition to working with children and young people I've also been volunteering with them simultaneously over the last ten years and that was bad enough!

Thanks for all your best wishes ladies. Just got off the phone with my social worker. Panel is at 3 and I'm meeting her at 2.30 so a few more hours to kill. Just been doing marking and about to write some reports whilst I'm at home (took the day off of school!) x


----------



## CyprusBride

Good luck StarryEyed. Hope it goes well.

We had our first prep day on Thursday and Saturday. On Thursday I got a little frustrated with the pace. I work with vulnerable kids and have done child protection training til it comes out of my ears so the 4 different types of abuse exercise I had to keep my mouth shut and let other people benefit from it. Also, they went over AGAIN the stages of adoption. I know we need to know it but it seemed a little patronising at this stage in the process.

What has been good with the prep group is it is provoking thought and discussion between me and DH. Some more homework to do for next SW visit next week. Got our medicals booked in and second part of prep training in mid-July. It's all go- AND I'M LOVING IT!  

Lovely to hear everyone's progress. xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Good luck starry! Fingers crossed!

Our prep days so far have been brill - really enjoyable. Only spent about 10 mins on the process and the rest has been about the children waiting and what they might have been through and how to tackle potential issues, attachment, parenting techniques etc. 2 down and 2 days to go next week.  I can't say I've learnt that much cause I'm well read in all things adoption  and working in children's services put me in good stead but has been great for DH and sparking conversations off.  Even had a look at some of those elusive profiles which made it very real! 
Still waiting for DBS to be returned and a couple of checks with volunteer work 10 years ago is proving very challenging but it's part if the process and I'm well practised at patiently waiting now!  In the midst of home study I'll be wondering what the worry was no doubt! 
Hope everyone is doing ok. 
Xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Deferred but I'll get there. Expect a new panel date


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Starry. So sorry. Have no idea what that means. Is there anything you can do now? You are right you WILL get there. Have you had any advice from your social worker? Sending you hugs


----------



## StarryEyed

Some questions they want answering with a second opinion visit and will be back at panel again. SW is being fantastic and is chasing the minutes already. I didn't even make it out of the waiting room.


----------



## notgivingup

Aww starry, hope you don't have to wait too long.  I admire your positive attitude. You will get there!


----------



## Troodles

Sorry to hear that Starry. Must be so frustrating. Fingers crossed you don't have to wait long. Big hugs xxx


----------



## Cassie78

Hiya everyone.  Sorry I don't post much it's just I've nothing to contribute as I'm so behind most of you.  I do read all the posts though.
Forgetmenot - we had our initial visit on Friday and it did go really fast so just waiting for phone call from the manager this week.  DH has to have medical first though due to his anxiety medications which we thought he would. 
Loki - your experience with kids is amazing! I do think it's mental you have to have references from them all though.
Twink - think were at the same stage we are to send our ROI from back Friday.
Starry - that's awful but sounds like a minor hiccup xx
Notgivingup - your prep day sounds like just the kind of thing we need to learn about. I hope mine is similar.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all sorry I haven't posted h be been looking in tho most days this is becoming part of my daily living lol......keeping hubby updated too....

Officially finished stage 1 and got appointement booked for interview, apparently going to be talking about relationships.....did anyone else hVe this? Do they mean our relationship or friends family or previous just so we Are prepared....
Hoping time is gonna spped up just want to get to panel so excited all the time hehe...


Sorry to hear about the panel starry eyed I'm sure it will all get sorted....keep us updated....
Xxxx


----------



## Jalops

Aww sorry to hear that starry eyed, very disappointing for you !   I hope you get a new date quickly. 

Finally our DBS checks are completed, hope to get the certificates this week. Spoke to the agency this morning and all our paperwork will go to the manager early next week, for final sign off hopefully get onto stage two end of June! Eek!  

Hoping everyone are enjoying their Tuesday. Today my davina mccall fitness dvd arrived, my attempt to get that Bay watch body by September    

J xx


----------



## Cassie78

I am well peeved off! The SW said we have to wait another 3months.  Due to DH recently finishing CBT in January and with my mum dying last year before my failed IVFS.  She's ringing us in three months time to ensure we are still stable!!! Oh well I'm hoping it's just another hurdle.  Good luck everyone and I will keep reading your updates.


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks for your well wishes guys. I'm doing alright and picked myself up. Sent my SW an email last night giving more info on all the points picked up from the ones that were presented by the chair. I'm seeing it as an extra bit of time to really focus on my faith for a starter and if this is meant to be, then its a necessary delay to meet that child that is for me. I've given it all I've got and now I'm going to give it all I've got and then some and we'll see what is in store for me.

Cassie, I'm sorry to here about your delay. Hopefully in 3 months you can go back and show you are stronger, more determined and even more resilient than before.


----------



## Jalops

That is such a blow for you Cassi!! It's actually far more stressful to keep on waiting, rather than focusing on something positive. I would have thought the most sensible option would be to go through the process. There is no reason why you can't have extra support (counseling) if you feel yourself struggling or overwhelmed. I'm a big believer in positive action and thinking makes you stronger and able to carry on. I too had numerous failed cycles but always felt focusing on the next step. Is this your local authority? Perhaps look at a local adoption agency? 
Xx


----------



## Cassie78

Jalops - it's with Barnardos.  With my LA you have to wait a year after IVF that would mean December for me.  I must admit it's only last few months I've felt fully myself and I told her that so maybe that's why.  I was too honest!! I can wait I suppose x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi Cassi,

There's a similar post on AUK which has some really good responses. I know a 3month delay will feel a blow when you just want to get moving on closer to your family but trust me you really will want to be stronger before home study starts. The post approval waiting and matching phase is extremely stressful for a whole number of reasons (and very exciting too). Use the time to read more, find or re-visit an old hobby that helps you keep you grounded or let's you switch off. 

Some ladies have suggested pre-approval folks should hit the gym for weight training as we don't get the luxury (?!?) or gradually increasing the carry weight from 7-9lbs - some of the tiny adoptees come as 18lb plus and going from 0-18lbs can really throw you.

As a plus, coming back after a short break with same determination, shows tenacity and panels love this.
Good luck x


----------



## Primmer

Starry  - hope this delay goes quickly and if it results in approval it will be worth it

Cass - frustrating but you will get there!! 

AFM - we have been allocated a sw for stage 2 and given a panel date of 15 October. Just waiting now for sw to contact us to arrange our first meeting with her. So excited - could this really be happening


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Cassie so sorry to hear that. It sucks when u know you are ready but strangers think differently!! Hopefully the next 3mths will fly by. Do lots of reading etc so you can show them next time you are def ready!!! 

Fab news Primmer. Must feel so surreal to get a panel date!!!

Well we are nearly there. Only 5 days till our intro evening and just a week till Prep course no.1. Got to work on filling in the DBS forms so that will keep me going this week


----------



## StarryEyed

Got a meeting with the service manager to see what we need to do next, but in two weeks as SW is on holiday next week. Think I'll probably miss the next panel at that rate but I'm okay with that. If it's going to happen, its got to be right and I'd rather not rush it. Steady and determined.. that's me 

Excellent news Primmer!


----------



## Lorella

Starryeyed - so sorry for set back Hun but glad you seem to have it under control. Hope you get a new panel date soon   Xx

Cassie - sorry about your wait too Hun. I am sure the next 3 months will go really quickly   Xx

Congrats Primmer on your panel date!

Panel Zone update

Nicola - July 16th
Lorella -July 16th
Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st
Primmer - October 15th

Hi to everyone else. 

We have been through our PAR and sent it back. SW visiting FRiday. 4 wks to go!!! 
Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Starry sorry for your little set back it must be so fustrating xx

Cassie so sorry for you too hun xx

Primmer yey panel date set. So exciting xxx

Loki hope intro evening an prep days go well xx

Jalops im glad dbs is complete and good luck with stage 2 xx

Hope everyone else is doing well xx

Got confirmation today for our prep group on the 5,6 and 7th of August. Eekk so exciting xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all,
Had SW round today. Feeling a bit nervous now. She had sent our PAR to her manager to check and her manager had sent it back with some things to go over with us that needed a bit more information. 
She said wasn't a problem but because we were quite straight forward they were digging for more stuff to put in it. I got a bit cross at one point as it's like we have to of had problems in our upbringing to make it show that we are resilient and can handle different emotions! Man! My DH ended up wracking his brain to try and think of something from his school life that caused a problem for him and there wasn't anything!!
Anyway all seems ok but it hasn't done much for my nerves! 
She showed us some profiles but unfortunately when I discussed them with DH none of them match our criteria for matching. 
Now just got to wait and get more nervous as panel approaches! 
Xxx


----------



## RocketJ

That sounds really frustrating Lorella; but exciting that you are so close to panel now! And I guess you could draw reassurance from them being so thorough with your PAR - better to come back to you now for more info than wait until panel. I had my end of stage one meeting yesterday - the first time a SW has been to my house, and thankfully she didn't seem to think there were any problems with the house (other than minor H/S things which can be over come). She was lovely actually, and apart from waiting for my DBS has said I can go onto stage 2! Yay!

Twink - that's great that you are booked on the prep days! They won't let me book mine until the DBS arrives


----------



## Lorella

Hi RocketJ - thanks for the reassurance  . Great news that you are nearly onto stage 2! Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

I agree with Rocket Lorella tho must be frustrating as u would think they would like straight forward couples!!! Why do they have to look for complications all the time? I would like to think me and DH are straight forward. We both had normal childhoods and even tho my brother and I were adopted there were never any issues over this even tho our social worker seemed to think all this might set off a trigger in me?!!! I was like for what? I have known for 42yrs I was adopted and yes I was neglected in my first 3 weeks but that has had no bearing on me whatsoever. It's like they think ooh there must be a problem - um nope   Anyways sure it will all be fine and like you say better to be now than at panel. 

Well finally for us the week is finally here     Finally feel our journey is about to start. DBS forms are filled in and we have to take them tomorrow night when we meet the other couples on our course. Then Thurs is our 1st prep course. Can't believe it is finally here and we are ready to start the journey to finally get our family. We took the Loki dog to a big park yesterday which she loves as it has lakes and she loves swimming. There was a family there with a labrador and 2 little boys about 2 and 4. The little one was loving throwing the ball for Loki into the water cus their dog doesn't chase balls or go swimming. He was loving it. I was just watching him thinking could I even dream that possibly next summer that could be us   Know we have a long way to go but I can see us getting there. 

Have a great week everyone and will update how the meeting and prep course goes


----------



## Jalops

Hi to one and all. Struggling at work today, so tired after a fun filled weekend. DBS certificates  still haven't arrived, so bloody frustrating!! They were sent Monday last week, so I can only  assume by second class!! So more delay   I now wonder when panel will be? I'm guessing Oct or Nov at this speed. 
On a different note have those with sw discussed age range? We are looking at 0-5, possible siblings. 
J xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Well done to all who are moving forwards and sorry for those with delays. Hang on in there, we'll make it!!

No news from us, just that wonderful waiting game!

Bye for now xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Hi all, fairly quiet for us too - just in that lull waiting for dreaded DBS. Still waiting on mine.  Got health and safety and finances check next week then hopefully onto stage 2 as soon as my DBS is returned.  Anyone else feel like going down to DBS office and sort out a system that seems to make sense and process things in an orderly fashion !!!

Sounds like most of us are in that quiet stage but exciting times ahead no doubt! 

Xx


----------



## becs40

Hi everyone,
Sorry no personals as I can't keep up with everyone now  
Loki I know what you mean about envisaging it happening, we had a lovely day yesterday for a BBQ at my parents. A friend of mine came up with her 5 and 3 year old girls and it was just the perfect family Sunday. They loved DH and treated him like a climbing frame and was so nice to see him with kids as other than my nephews I've never really seen him with them. He was so good and it does make me worry that I'll be able to get that interaction with them as I definitely find it harder to let go a bit.
As for us well we're cracking on through stage 2 we've had 4 sessions now including our individual ones. We gave our next on Monday then our stage 2 prep days on the following Monday and Tuesday. Then just 2 more sessions! 
We've not found it too bad so far despite having the full house renovation of father in laws going on as well. We've almost done everything we've had to do in 3 weeks so really pleased. We've emptied the place and now onto the demolition phase   just got a few more kitchen tiles to remove, some wallpaper stripping and pulling the ceilings down (DH will do that bit). We're on our 4th skip in 3 weeks and now getting people in to quote for the work and getting a mortgage sorted on it! At the exciting stage now of planning it all and sourcing stuff (aka shopping!) and who doesn't love that lol!
Hope everyone is doing ok,
Lorella I sympathise as that's the thing I'm most concerned of is that because we are really strong and have coped with everything well if can come across to outsiders that we don't have these challenges and that life is a breeze. Truth is you have 2 choices, stress out and get uptight about things or get on with them. Either way you usually have to deal with them so the sooner you face things the sooner life moves on to better things.
Which brings me neatly on to Starry (said no personals but a couple just had to be responded to!), sorry to hear of your deferment but I absolutely applaud your attitude and reasoning. Hope things move quickly for you now.


----------



## RocketJ

So there's a little group of us all waiting on these blooming DBS certificates!! Grr. According to my SW, it all our fault (teachers, not adopters!) as it's job changing time so loads of teachers are applying for new ones. Plus there will be lots of volunteers for kids camps etc over the summer having their forms processed too. So on behalf of the education system I apologise! (Maybe we should all just blame Gove for this too   )


----------



## Forgetmenot

Lol rocket! If social services used the electronic system it would be back in a week so where's the fun in that when good old fashioned paper will work!!

Nice to look in and see where everyone is at.... And waiting seems to be all our new hobby!!

Moved mum back up to the midlands this weekend which was sad.... End of an era and a big signal of change either way.  I am pleased she is settled and happy... Though god knows how ss will interpret this lol (selfish daughter, am like wait til we get approved then bog off!!).

We have had a stressful few weeks, but has out things in perspective.  Always thought we would get through this process, but the medicals and ivfs have all faced challenges, however, we are moving through to stage 2 and can start it in July (all sw are leaving so no one to allocate is the really issue!).  So should be supper excited but they have taken all the fun out of it.  Hoping to get that back.

I was due for squint surgery next week (and looking forward to a week or two of work) and how had a shocker on Friday, he cancelled it and said I need a ct scan and bloods to rule out an autoimmune cause or tumour..... Slightly worried to say the least.... More so re adoption.  I went to see my gp last night as in a blind panic and he was lovely, I knew I was wasting his time, but he didn't make me feel like that at all.  So he said not to disclose til you know..... Not sure if this is the right way to go.... Any advise?

Loki, glad the week is here for you lovely, we've been on one hell of a journey and it's nice to start it, good luck xx

Hope everyone else waiting is taking up new hobbies.... Knitting lo's blankets or something!!

Take care all xx


----------



## notgivingup

Rocket - no apologies necessary! It's just one of those things I guess.  I also work in children's services so I guess I'm to blame too! Once the press has finished with the passport story saga, maybe they'll move onto the DBS!! 

Forgetmenot, hope the tests are sorted soon.  If they already know about the proposed surgery, I would just keep it low key and consider the tests 'routine' so as not to cause a panic and hold things up. 

Becs40 you are whizzing through stage 2! Can't wait to be there with you!


----------



## Loki Girl

Well our pre meeting of couples went well and actually has relaxed me before the actual start on Thurs. There are only 3 couples on the course so no hiding lol. We did an ice breaker exercise bout getting to know each other, then went through a bit of what to expect from the course then watched a DVD about adoption and finally they checked our forms and DBS forms etc. Got a bit worried when she said yes they will check all addresses so now feel have to email and update some of them as there are some that I know have moved on especially ones from abroad and I don't know where!!! She said that may take some time - great!! Anyways apart from that we finally have some homework which doesn't have to be completed till our social worker visits about 10 days after the last day of the course. In fact they recommended to wait till after the courses before you do it as they said you might have a better idea of what to expect. So we have some written work on family origins and some reading. Can't wait - bring it on!!!! Oh and we have to book medicals too. Really feels now we have finally started. 

Hi everyone sorry for lack of personals just very excited tonight


----------



## Tw1nk82

loki im glad it all went well today. I think a small group is good as you will get on so much better with everyone. I think my group is growing in numbers as they said they might need to hold it at a bigger venue. I hope the rest of the days go well and so exciting that you have homework. I cant wait to be joining you soon xx

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Lorella

Lokisgirl - I know it does annoy me that they try to look for complications! 3 weeks today and it will all be over! I am glad you had a good day today. We only had 2 other couples on our prep course. Really suited us and liked it like that &#128522;

Becs- I totally agree with what you said_* " Truth is you have 2 choices, stress out and get uptight about things or get on with them. Either way you usually have to deal with them so the sooner you face things the sooner life moves on to better things."*_. I have faced challenges but I have never been one who wallows in anything. You'd think this was a positive thing?! Glad you are moving smoothly through stage 2.

Forgetmenot - hope you get things sorted ok and you move onto stage 2 soon.

Hi to everyone else and hope those DBS hurry up! Xxx


----------



## becs40

I think it is a positive Lorella but sadly I think unless you're seen to fall apart and pick yourself up people assume it's been less of a trauma for you. Strong people are often seen as cold and unemotional but strength isn't a sign of a lack of emotion.  Truth be told there's very few people that breeze through life with no problems so ?I find it hard to say I've had tough times because to me they're normal it's what most people go through? 
I do worry that although we get on with our social worker I'm not sure she really is getting me. We only have 3 more sessions with her so it's a bit worrying.


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks Becs.

Sorry I've been MIA guys. Thought I'd have a week where I focus on other things whilst my SW is on holiday. There isn't anything I can do and told my SW i'll hold off until this meeting as i don't want to rush in firstly doing unnecessary things and secondly rushing things through and making pigs ear of it anyway. Instead I've been finishing reports which were due last week (oops!) and decluttering my house, whilst stocking up on essentials (half adoption brain still there). Saying that I had a real moment where I got a sense of adoption loss last week. Was at my mum's house with my nieces and nephews and whilst it was great it was that moment where I was thinking it's going to be a bit longer for me now .

Either way at least I have a clean house, got rid of some junk (although still have an approx 2m desktop that i no longer need...) and i don't have to think about toiletries for myself for the next six months 

Hope all is well with everyone else. Lorella not being a wallower is definitely a positive. As my SW said after the deferral... at least now I can say i have seen you get knocked down and get back up with my own eyes now!


----------



## Troodles

Hi all

Starry sounds like you had a productive week. I need a huge declutter. Glad you're being so positive. Good to see. 

Hi to all others. Hope things going okay, especially those pesky DBSs. 

We had an email from SW today. Hoorah I thought it was gonna be news of stage 2 but no such luck. Still waiting for medical advisors to return forms which they've had since 30 May!!!! Stage 1 should have been finished 28 May. Wouldn't mind waiting if we knew it was a yes but this is like torture. 

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Aww that's better!!

Love and hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all,

Loki, hope today went ok and you enjoyed it lots and got some good tips and info x

Twink when do you do yours? Hope it's not too big that you become lost and you get to ask lots of questions x

Lorrella hope it's co minuting to go well.  What have you covered in your sessions?  I get so frustrated when people keep telling me how I feel.  As I said to ours bad things happens to good people and you have to decide sink or swim.  I am quite pragmatic now, and hope that doesn't go against us!! X

Becs hope it's going well. It's hard to be seen to fall and pick yourself up, cos in life, you don't always have that luxury. I am sure you will be ok and it will have gone well x

Starry I need a motivator to clean.... Hope is a mess!! x

Troodles thinking of you x hope it comes back soon x

As for us we have received our stage 2 letter, but they have delayed us a little.  It's annoying as down to changes in the team, and hard not to take it as a knock back.  The last few weeks have been stressful and need to learn how to keep it in perspective, but how do you when it occupies so much of your life and mind, not to mention emotive.  I feel I am being judge if emotional?! 

So we now have another wait before prep days and meeting our new sw., probably best as still waiting on tests.

Hope everyone else is ok. Lots of positive vibes to all x FMN x


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks Forgetmenot. Sorry to hear there is a bit of a delay for you but nothing you can do so try relaxing which I know is easier said than done lol. You have done so well in such a short amount of time that a little more waiting will be ok. 

Well had a good 1st day at prep. It def helped having the ice breaker evening as we really started chatting to the other couples which was nice. Some of it was a bit heavy but really gave you food for thought. Being a nanny for so many years I had a very set in stone approach as to what works best when it comes to parenting but after today I may have to change my way of thinking a little. It was good only having 2 other couples cus meant we all had a chance to ask questions and participate. We did lots of fun little exercises in 2's and 3's and it really made you think where these children might be at. We have been warned Day 2 on Mon is going to be the heavy day so have to be prepared for that. We also have to take something that is precious to us!!!

I rang doctors and expected a wait but DH has his medical on the 14th July and I have mine on 16th so not long to wait at all and we will be in Rome the week before anyways so things moving nicely.  I'm sure some more waiting will be in order after the prep days lol

Starry - glad to hear you are being positive and de cluttering. It won't be long and you will be back at panel before you know it. 

Troodles how frustrating. Hoping it will be back soon. 

Tw1nk - can't wait for you to really start your journey too. Prep is good!!

Hi everyone else


----------



## Primmer

Loki - glad your prep is going well.

Forgetmenot - hope the delaynpasses quickly

Troodles - hope you hear about stage 2 soon

AFU -'lots of housework to do today as we meet our sw for the first time tomorrow morning for our first stage 2 meeting.


----------



## Forgetmenot

How exciting primmer!

Very best of luck.  You will have to let us know what they cover.

We are just doing some reading til prep course end of July.

Is useful.  Sw did say we are aiming for November panel now, but it may change as best laid plans xxx


----------



## Troodles

Thanks girls. Hope all going well and you're having a nice weekend.  Good luck Primmer. Get scrubbing that already clean house!! Lol

Nervous waiting. We go away on 12th so would really like a yes or no before then. Please let it be a yes!!!
Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all....sounds like we are all still waiting......it's so frustrating lol.....we are due to have first visit with SW on Friday...it feels like forever. Hoping to get a panel date and sort the rest of the appointments for stage 2.... Hopefully should only have 4 visits due to us not being to complicated....

I hope your All finally getting some answers and moving along the process.....

Can I just ask everyone in the family has been really excited about the idea of a new baby in the family, and have been really positive. Yesterday they attended a faily and friends day ran by the la kind of like our prep day but for family to realise what actually goes on.....however my friends went and said family were as supportive when chatting to them about the situation and asked strange questions....I'm not sure what to do weather to tackle it and find out what the problems are and try and ease them or forget it about it and see what happens when lo does arrive....any ideas? Xxxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Laws, I think it's only natural that family would have their own concerns especially parents. We are after all still their babies and they don't want to see us struggle or get hurt. Unfortunately going through the process it is all about people facing up to what struggles can lay ahead so can be very negative. It's only right that we are all prepared but that can be quite daunting to friends and family. 
I think they would also probably not want to voice their concerns directly with you because they want to support you and not cause any worry. Maybe that's the way you could broach it with them, by saying the whole process can seem overwhelmingly negative at times and did their course give rise to any concerns that they had? 
In regards to stage 2 visits we are an extremely uncomplicated straightforward couple really and we're down for 6 visits and I'm really worried it's not enough. We're due our 4th visit with sw tomorrow and I'm just really worried that we haven't made that connection yet. We get on well and have been very open but it still feels that we're just answering questions and that she's not really getting to know who we really are.


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## Laws1612

Hi becs.....yeah I think your right try being tactful hehe..just want everything to be prefect...good luck today with your appointment im sure she knows you better than you think....shes probs lining children  up ready for you....luckily we have kept the same social worker throughout which is really lovely.....
Im sure you busy franicly cleaning like everyone else on this thred before a social worker arrives hehe....let us know how you get on 
xxxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Laws, you're right was busy cleaning! Lol. 
It went really well and definitely feel better for having asked about how we're doing and raising our concerns that it nay come accross as not having had much to deal with etc. she assured us that wasn't the case and that she could see we were just very capable of dealing with things.
Very excited as we're being invited to a family finding day in August of all under 1's and some yet to be borns!
What a lovely start to the week.


----------



## Laws1612

Aww that's fantastic I told you she was looking already....how exciting I'm sure your floating on cloud nine that is defo something to look forward to..what an amazing day.....
Congrats becs xxxx


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is ok? We had our first home visit today which went really well she was here for about an hour, just chatted in General had a quick look around and seemed happy. Training is 23/24/31 July xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow becs  awesome, sounds exciting x

Freedo well done on the home visit... Starts to feel real and exciting once the visits start and prep days happen x

Laws sure everything went well.... we all want to show ourselves and our family and friends off in the best possible light and I am sure they did.  Concern is ok.  Think others are right, you are your parents baby, be a fully fledge adult and they want to know you will all be ok, exciting times ahead x

AFM we are now waiting to start stage 2, we agreed to send our form back mid July, so on reflection time.  So I reflected and booked a holiday for Christmas!  Feels weird being full on to nothing.  Obviously still doing reading.

Just want to start and know one way or any other if we will get through this.... Still building in self preservation! 

Should have left for work half an hour ago.... Just can't get motivated.  Still in pj's.  It's going to be one of those days.

Take care all xx


----------



## StarryEyed

So SW is back from holiday but meeting will now be next week - 3 weeks and a half weeks after panel but whilst I'm calm she seems a little stressed. It's this point it's hate to be ib her shoes. Accepted I won't make a July panel but still feeling pretty good


----------



## Loki Girl

Becs - glad u're SW was able to put your mind at rest. Must be a weight off to hear you u are doing well. It's all a bit of a worry as to how they are perceiving us!!

Freedo - its good to get that 1st visit out the way and have some dates for prep courses. You are on your way  

Forgetmenot - I think that's what is going to hit us, we had such a wait but now it's been meetings and homework and prep courses and then another SW visit but then I think think there won't be anything till all the checks are back. Guess there will still be homework to do tho lol. A holiday sounds fab. DH and I were planning a Greek holiday this year but we have decided to just go for it and go to LA   We figured well it will prob be the last big holiday we will do just the 2 of us without having to worry bout child friendly so thought well why not go for it. We are just going to make sure there are no training courses we will need to be on during stage 2 at that time but then will get it booked so that will be something to look forward too. 

Laws - As Becs said I'm sure your family were just asking questions rather than ask you directly. It's good that they went and sure they will be totally supportive. 

Well we are done with day 2 of prep. We were warned it would be a heavy day but tbh I think because I expected the worst it actually wasn't too bad. No it's not nice listening to what actual children have experienced but good to know how we can address problems that may arise from that. It's been a weird week with some days at work, some at prep course and today is my birthday so booked that off as well so just been a bit weird. Anyways one more to go on Thurs then we will meet our social worker who will take us through. Hoping she's nice lol. All the others have been nice so sure she will too lol.

Well better go add another year onto my signature lol. Have to say its the 1st year when I haven't just been bogged down by being another year older and still no baby. This year just feels like it is going to happen and next year we will be a family   

Hope everyone is coping with the waiting lol


----------



## becs40

Happy birthday Loki? 

We have our 2 stage 2 days next week. Also been given this weeks homework which us exceptionally scary! 10 different scenarios as to how you would handle 10 different teenager problems! Thinks like stealing, joyriding, smoking, drinking, drugs, sex etc! Not fair that we have to answer these questions with no parenting experience yet parents of teenagers have 13 years of practice before they have to think about it. Not to mention knowing your child and what would and wouldn't be appropriate!


----------



## Lorella

Hi all,
Freedo - glad home visit went ok
Starryeyed- glad you are feeling positive hun
Loki girl -  !!
Becs - good luck with your homework.... Weird how everyone does it differently. We had no homework at all. 

Parents went to relatives course today. They said it was fab! 
Two weeks tomorrow and we will be going to panel.....eek! 
Keeping busy with my DH 40th though and end of term stuff. Going through a pile of marking tonight!

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi everyone,
I hope it is ok that I join this thread, I am a single adopter with one birth child already, she's 17. I have completed stage 1 but only due to start stage 2 in August due to a change in social worker, the first one is leaving which is a shame as I was very fond of her. 
Since I have a little bit of time I decided to do some work on my house so I am currently living in a building site. The new social worker will be coming out to see me next week just for introductions and for her to get up to speed, I just hope she understands that my half finished house will be complete well before panel!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Welcome Lou!  We have had the same problem as you with switch of sw x

Loki... Happy birthday.nice to it this might be our year now, and were on our way, pray to god x

Lorrella how are you feeling about panel?  Can't believe how quickly it does indeed come around for peeps, very best of luck x

Sounds interesting homework becs!  Can't wait to see what ours will be x

Still waiting on my scan dates... Doing my head in. Moping it won't hold us up xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thank you for the birthday wishes ladies. Been very spoilt in Pandora   

Welcome Lou, hopefully your new SW will be as nice and you can move on through stage 2. Very courageous going it on your own. Good on you!!

Wow Becs that is something to look forward too   I'm struggling with our first shed load of questions about family and backgrounds and trying not to read into it what I think they want but rather just what I feel. 

Is the parent family day a normal thing do u think or just something some LA's do? Have to say I was worried about my mom and her reactions to some of the stuff I wanted to tell her. It's just down to she is normally quite set in her ways and what she says goes. Cus she adopted me 43yrs ago she thinks it will be the same. I am starting to be pleasantly surprised as the more I tell her the more she seems to be taking on board and understand so that's really helping me chat to her about things etc. I was just worried she would blame my parenting iff the kids kicked off but she's beginning to understand the kind of troubles they may of faced. 

Forgetmenot - hoping it won't be long before u hear. It's horrible just waiting for emails, letters or phone calls about anything lol!!


----------



## Troodles

Freedo glad home visit went well 

Loki Happy birthday Hun, hope you've had a fab day

Becs wow see that sounds like hard work. Like you say we don't have the parenting experience to be able to answer. Good luck Hun. 

Forgetmenot. Glad you finally decided to book the holiday. Try and focus on that for the next couple of weeks. 

Lorella that's so close OMG!!! Lol

LOUS mummy. Welcome aboard chick. Good luck with everything. 

Sorry if I've missed anyone. Hope you're all okay. 

We still haven't heard and we're just starting month 4 of stage 1. What a nightmare. Am feeling so stressed. Going away on the 12th and really want to know if it's a yes or no before we go. The longer it goes on the more I'm convinced we're not gonna get through. 

Don't know whether to scream or cryer both! 

Xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Becs, questions about how we would react and cope with teenage problems came up at our approval panel !!!!!! I was a little bemused because we were being approved for 0-2 - luckily we ave a few years to get prepared before our little man hits that delightful stage (mind you I do sometimes wonder what is worse toddler or teenage.  )  Be prepared for ANYTHING  


Good luck all xxx


----------



## becs40

Welcome Louis mummy, we had a change of sw too but no delay thank goodness. Good luck and welcome.

Lorella, 2 weeks my goodness how exciting and scary! I bet it feels like it's going slow at this point waiting and not having anything to do in the meantime?

Troodles you must have the patience of a saint to have dealt with so much waiting bless you. Fingers crossed for a straightforward stage 2 for you!

Loki we haven't been advised of any parent days for family so assume it is down to each authority which seems a shame. I'm sure my mum and dad would have got a lot out of it.

Flash how scary for those as panel questions! It seems so unfair as how you handle these things will be specific to the child and relationship you have established. I can see it being more relevant if adopting older children closer to teenage years.


----------



## Loopylou29

We had to answer some of those types of questions.

They are relevant because the sw is looking to see how you handle challenging behaviour which all children present with at some point. Basically they want you to explain that the behaviour is not acceptable and you try to find out the reasons for it. You also need to put across that you would seek support if needed.

What they don't want to hear is that you would just say you don't behave like that and then leave things.


----------



## becs40

Hi LoopyLou, 
I see what you're saying but still think if you're being approved for 0-2 asking behaviour questions related to more 0-5 would be more appropriate. At the end of the day it's a kind of how long is a piece of string question as would be very dependent on the child and the relationship etc. have spoken to friends of teenagers and they say it would be totally different even between their own 2 children who have had the same upbringing. Obviously we'll give answers as to the sorts of things we would consider but at the end of the day it's very much an unknown some 11-12 years before the hypothetical event with the hypothetical child.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all......
Just a quickie was going to try and get ahead of the game with completing family tree and Eco maps....for ones that have done these already....
Are the Eco maps done as a couple or one each?
And family trees do you add deceased members of family and family you don't speak to? And how far do we need to go back xxxx 
Thanks xxxx


----------



## notgivingup

Laws, we did our Eco Map as a couple.  The family tree, we had to trace back to grandparents and include any deceased family members.  Good luck! I found them ok to do - it was the chronology of addresses from birth till now which took forever.  Our ecomap changes each month in terms of who I think will be a strong support! 

AFM, still waiting on DBS.  9 weeks and counting.  Troodles, like you, our stage one is creeping up to 4 months now - am struggling to stay patient now.  I hate it when I feel like I'm not doing anything constructive, and am waiting/relying on a formality loophole which is clearly disorganised - don't get me wrong, I see the importance of it, but when I have one from work less than 12 months ago which came through in a matter of 3-4 weeks and was the same level check,  it's taking the biscuit!   

So I'm keeping myself occupied buying all sorts of home safety things... Fire blankets, blind safety thingies, first aid kits.... I can't bring myself to go to mothercare for things like that as suggested by sw cause that just feels so weird when we have no idea how many or what age lo(s) we will have, let alone when!!! So amazon it is! 

Hope everyone else is getting on ok. 

Lorella - 2 weeks and you will be celebrating I'm sure!! 

Xx


----------



## Lous mummy

Wowsers, those questions are tough, I just had a google and theres lots to read about effective communication and connecting with your teenager etc. In reality though its usually a very different scenario. Having a teenager already the best advice I can give is to avoid the discussion whilst you're still mad as that always turns out badly, wait until you have both had time to reflect on whats happened, that way when you do discuss it you are both much calmer. I also once heard in a film a mother say to a teenager 'you are not a bad person but this is very bad behaviour' I have never said that to my daughter (she would probably laugh) but I do try to adopt that approach, negativity is never good. 

Hi Laws, i'm not sure about the eco map as I am on my own but my social worker wanted the family tree back to my grandparents, including those deceased, she also wanted all ages, dates of death and ages at death. I was disappointed as I have spent years researching my family tree and could have taken her back to 1840 haha! x


----------



## becs40

Thanks Lous mummy, the not a bad person but bad behaviour comes up in Sally Donovans book and I can really see the importance of that one. Another friend with teenager said exactly the same about reflecting before tackling the issue and not giving a knee jerk reaction. I'm really struggling as to how to answer them as my head is just complicating the questions such as "is this the first incident or is thus a regular pattern of behaviour etc. think I need to not overthink it too much. We are going to wait until our stage 2 training days next week to see if that makes it any clearer for us.
LoopyLou I just read my response back to you and I think it's a bit blunt, wasn't meant to be, I was sneaking a look at the thread whilst at work so fired off a quick response. Please forgive me if it came across that way, any help and advice is much appreciated especially from those that have done this already.


----------



## Lous mummy

Becs, i'll have to read that book, I haven't heard of it before. Good luck and i'm sure you will answer it perfectly


----------



## StarryEyed

Welcome Lous mummy.. sorry I've been in and out!

Well fingers crossed meeting is now booked in for next week and so I now have a 30 minute meeting with the service manager. Really hoping I get some straight answers and constructive points for moving forward. But otherwise all in all been a pretty good half week so far. Dream position for next year at  school (good things come out of 'bad' situations) but finding my class very needy at the moment and really trying to build their self esteem


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Thanks Becs and notgivingup.  It's funny I've been doing the same. Ordered some stuff from Amazon. Can't torture myself or DH by doing Mothercare when we don't even know if we'll be accepted. Spending the weekend clearing out the 2 spare rooms. Emailed SW today and she said still nothing back but not to worry. Easier said than done!!!


Laws we did our Ecomaps as a couple and went back to grandparents on family tree. Didn't put my dad's brothers and sisters as we don't know them.  Good luck with it. 


Take care all. Big hugs xxx


----------



## Loopylou29

No offence taken.

I think you can over think the entire process as there is often lots of waiting. 

We got no warning over those questions which was probably easier in some ways as we had to think on our feet. All our answers were very generic and we didn't even consider whether it was repeat behaviour. It is an exercise to try and get you to acknowledge that the behaviour may be triggered by the childs past. It is also a good indicator of how you handle behaviours and what you will or won't tolerate and to what degree.


----------



## becs40

Thanks LoopyLou,

I think youre right its because this is a "homework" question we're sitting here worrying about the "right" answer when we just need to go with our instincts.
I have to say it is something i hadnt even really thought about other than the fact there will more than likely be some behaviour issues in the teenage years but no more than a glancing thought. Hopefully after stage 2 prep days next week we'll feel more confident in our answers.
I think I woukd have preferred it as a panel question to not have the time to dwell and overthink.


----------



## Flash123

We found that if we dropped in references to the relevant parts of PACE parenting as often as we could they were well pleased (both homework and panel). Honesty is obviously of upmost important but I also think you need to tell them what they want to hear. 
'Obviously we haven't any first hand experience of teenagers bla...bla...bla.... But hs prepared us when discussing possible future impacts of neglect/adoption etc. also we would call on our extensive support network, many of who have experience either through siblings, own children nieces etc etc etc .'


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Hope all going well. Any news on DBS and other stuff you're all waiting on?


SW emailed us today and said she's got our medical forms back from their advisors at last. She said they made mention that I'm a bit overweight and also mentioned diabetes but couldn't see a reason why we shouldn't  be approved as adopters. SW is going to recommend us for stage 2 to her manager who will hopefully agree. 


Was really relieved but ended up having a big row with DH when he didn't seem as pleased as I thought he would be. He said he refuses to get excited at this stage in case it ends like the IVFs did. Can see his point but I suppose we've been so stressed lately waiting, that we've took it out on each other. ,Made up and had a cuddle so all good now. 


Fingers crossed we hear next week if we can move forward, then it's adios and off to sunny Spain for a week, just the two of us. Can't flippin wait!!


Big hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Jalops

Hi lovely people! 
Finally, DBS certificates arrived, a  week late after issue (lost in the post!)!!! Straight over, still waiting to hear if we have reached Stage 2   
Nogivingup totally understand your frustration with DBS. Remember after 60 days potential adopters can get a chase put through. You and the agency can do this. Our wait was so bad that we wrote  to our MP. Since then we have received responses from various teams and all Surrey cases are now being looked at. We understand it's on the agenda for at the next police meeting. The system needs to come in line with government policy. We are now 3 months, still waiting. 

But, like lots of you, I'm shopping to distract!!! Hehe  

Have a super day 
J xx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi everyone just an update....saw soical worker today....first stage 2  meeting.....all appointments booked.... 4 booked.....panel 24th sept...on idea of moving it forward if were finished early hehe so excited.....she has a few childern in mind for us too so that so postive.....2nd appointment booked for monday xxx


----------



## notgivingup

It's the weekend!  

Troodles (my autocorrect keeps changing your name to triodes or trifles so sorry if it goes a bit wonky occasionally!). Really glad your medical won't stand in your way and things are progressing. Enjoy sunny Spain!

Laws - great news you have it all booked.  We have a holiday booked in September and are on countdown for that - it's less than 9 weeks away so your panel will be here in no time! How exciting!

Jalops - we must have been stuck in the same pile - my DBS arrived this week - just in time before I started getting grumpy with it all. So we are all systems go with completing stage 1 and can hopefully sail through to stage 2 in a couple of weeks. 

Have a lovely weekend everyone.


----------



## Lorella

Hi lous mummy  
Forgetmenot- feeling fine about panel at the moment as been too busy to even think about it! Was DH 40th yesterday so been getting lots of things ready for that. Out again to celebrate tomorrow and then a 30th the next day so busy busy! Then next Thurs have SIP in school doing observations so will be all geared for that but when that's done will be getting into pre panel mode! 
Troodles - glad you've got your forms back. Have a great trip x
Jalops and Notgivingup - yay! Glad your forms are back!
Laws - great news on panel date... Will add you to panel zone  

Got my DH a trip to Bruges for 2 nights at end of August. Should hopefully fit in quite nicely with all our plans if they go to plan!

Have a great weekend and hi to all xxx


----------



## Lorella

Panel Zone update

Nicola - July 16th
Lorella -July 16th
Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st
Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th

TBC
Forgetmenot
Notgivingup
Troodles
Lous mummy
Jalops
Starryeyed
Loki girl

Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Happy weekend everyone..... What a week!!

Troodles.... FAB news! Think all will be well and you will frame that piece of paper.  No ours was significant  x

Jalops... Great me news! Here's to shopping! We booked a holiday, opps!!

Laws that sounds SO exciting! Your stage 2 seems really short and fewer meetings.  Did you have lots in stage 1? All authorities seem to be so different which is so frustrating.  But the summer flies (if a teacher!) so it so will be here yikes!! Xx

Notgivingup hope you are ok x frustrating being stuck when wanting to move on.  Trying to be pragmatic, thinking there must be a reason.... Doesn't always work with me!!

Lorella.... Wow! School stuff is a distraction but a stress.  It's so hard to focus on any of it.  We've just done observations and just writing sip and dips!!  Just keep thinking I pray to god I won't be here to review it next year, but in reality, probably!!  We are supposed to be on prep days on 18, 19th but had no confirmation, so school ends in a week and a half.... And not soon enough lol xx

AFM still waiting to accept stage 2 and do prep.  All gone very quiet, so feeling a bit insecure about it.  I am still waiting on CT scan so my stress has gone onto that lol why rain when it can pour! Keep thinking someone doesn't want us to be a family and why!!  Just tired after a long slog at work and roll on the holidays x

Today is all about some relaxation!  Hope everyone else is ok... Take care, FMN xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ps being on the list in monumental!!  

Also quickly, I went out with a really good friend last night and wanted to tell her about the adoption.... And didn't.  Keep holding back.  Scared something will go wrong.  Is this normal or just me being a muppet?! Xx


----------



## Laws1612

Thank you very much everyone....that list is certainly coming along....its so exciting....

forgetmenot.....we have had the same social worker from the beginning....so she knows us already so she said shr can link things from meetings in stage 1....everyone does seem to do it differently...we all get there in the end....cant believe it....
if you wanna tell your friends tell them its the most exciting feeling ever and all of our friends have been completely behind us and so much more excited then any of the ivf cycle....its so refreshing....xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Notgivingup its 11 weeks ive counted....oh god what am I gonna be like when its a couple of weeks away lol....we have a week holiday in august so can look forward to that first hopefully will keep me grounded....however if sw keep mentioning potential links maybe not hehe....
how you getting on...im loosing track of everyones progress xx


----------



## Lous mummy

Good morning everyone,
My social worker is coming to see me on Wednesday to chat about starting stage 2, I can't wait, She said she will be able to work out all of the dates for home visits, does anyone know if she will give me a panel date too at this point? It will be good to know what I'm working towards. 
My house is in such a state as well, I'm still clearing dust from having a wall taken down and I've started stripping the wallpaper from another 2 rooms, I realised I have to get as much done as possible in the next few months as who knows when I'll be able to pick up a paint brush with a little one here xx


----------



## Laws1612

Lous mummy hi were roughly at the same stage....I haven't seen your name before tho....welcome anyway there's so many of us now. We had our first visit on fri for stage two and SW has booked an appointment per week and gave us a panel date for end of sept.....on the idea to move it forward. So that's exciting I would have thought they would do the same with you too.....we also are so busy decorating as we also don't want to have loads of jobs when little ones come along.....good luck for Wednesday ill post on Monday and tell you how interview two went...might help you at some point xxxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Louis mummy when we had our first stage 2 meeting we scheduled in all the visits and were given a panel date of 1st sept but advised there was a slim possibility it may slip back to 22nd sept. We have our 2 stage 2 prep days tomorrow and Tuesday then just 2 more visits before end July. As far as we're aware we're still on course for 1st September. 8 weeks tomorrow! Yikes!
I'm so excited about the family finding event we're going to as well beginning if August. The thought that this may be the very first time we read about our child turns my stomach with excitement! I know matching can take a long time and we are prepared for that but it's possible we may find it on our first event.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi Everyone sorry for the lack of personals there are just so many of us. Well thats my ROI forms put in the post today seems like i have waited an age after receiving them. ah well all systems go now xx


----------



## Loki Girl

It will be all systems go now Tw1nk it was for us lol!! All this talk of panel is making me so excited lol. 

We have done our 3 days of prep which was very informative, a little scary but hasn't put us off. So surreal having people chat who were in our position last year and had bought in pics of their children!! We learnt a lot about the matching process and I found 2 things they said comforting, 1 they won't take us to panel unless they are 99.9% sure we will get a yes and when they bring a profile it will only be for us they won't be showing the children to anyone else unless of course we say no so nice to know we won't feel like we are competing with others for our children. 

Our referees have had their forms so mother in law sent hers she had written and it was really nice (not that I expected any different but she is the mother in law    ) We are now just working on homework, waiting for a call for the social worker to visit and then have medicals week after next. If everything comes back in time we have a provisional date for the stage 2 prep day (only 1 day) for 28th Aug so hoping everything comes back ok and on time lol!!!

Gosh Becs how exciting. Can't even imagine going to one of those. Is it the children your LA have. Do they not have any in mind for you? Or is it just to see some of the children they have? Are u worried about being drawn to one or two but know that other couples might be interested too? I think that's what I would be thinking lol. 

Forgetmenot - go for it girl, embrace being able to tell, just think there is no reason that they will say no, they have taken you on and if they had any doubts they wouldn't of let you start, there may be bumps in the road but I have every faith at the end of it all you will have your family. You need the support and I am finding it easier and easier to talk about it to people and generally people are very excited for us. There is no doubt in my mind we will get there   

Looking forward to lots more of us getting panel dates to add to the list soon!!

Looking forward to going to Rome on Tues so a nice little break from the homework and reading lol!!!


----------



## Freedo

Hi all , Loki Girl I can't believe how quick things are moving for you! Wee we filled or should I say I filled out all the forms, have to make appt to go in for DBS, this week or next and then prep training end of month!!  Sorry no personals, I am crrap with those!! Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Loki girl....how exciting im so pleased its finally moving so muxh waiting around but sounds like its full throttle for you now.....a trip to rome will be lovely then get ready to get stuck in.....cant believe we are all gonna be mums so so excited beginning not to be able to comtain myself....keep us updated....
freedo.....personals would take so long now just trying to keep uo with everyone hehe.....I no that royal we which is me lol dont think dh has ever filled a form in haha....what would they do without us hehe...xxx


----------



## Primmer

Looks like there is a few of us now at the beginning of stage 2. 

We met our sw last Monday for the first time and she fixed dates for 4 stage two meetings and gave us a health & safety questionnaire to complete and a pet questionnaire to complete. She also gave us our homework to do over this stage. Of the 4 meetings, two are both DH and & together and the other two are our separate meetings. 

Our first proper meeting with our sw is on Wednesday morning and we have done our homework ready for that session. I am lookng forward to it as after all the waiting between stage 1 and stage 2 it is good to feel that things are moving again.


----------



## Jalops

Finally, home visits and panel date will be issued to us tomorrow. I was told however that home study should be finished by the time we go on holiday, 5th September, so hopefully panel is after we get back!!  ;-) uber excited now. 
Hope everyone is having a good day.xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi Ladies i sounds so exciting that there is a lot of you in stage 2 and that you have panel dates set. I bet you cant wait.

Loki im glad things are going well. Have a nice trip in rome xx

Freedo its funny we(me) fills all the forms out in my house too xx

hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Jalops

Well we made it to stage 2!! Great news, not so great news is that panel is not until 3rd December. We are told this is a fairly tight time frame. I can't help but feel very angry with the DBS for making this process so late. I'm trying very hard to be positive, but I'm actually finding this process more stressful than ivf! First home study 22nd July. 
We have just seen a family home at the weekend, we are considering moving, but not sure if that would be allowed? Would mean we could have siblings. 
Hope everyone else are well 
Jx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Yay jalops! We are at the same stage as you... We are able to accept place from the weekend, due to short staff... Frustrating but good in reality!

I have found it fairly stressful too as people don't do what they say they will, when they will!  But something I will learn to live with.  I think with ivf, you are more in control as you can say when etc to some degree.  It's all a learning curve and hopefully we are all one step closer to our families.

We also would like sibling groups x very best of luck xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi all,

No personals as its a late one for me tonight. Congrats in everyone just coming into stage 2. The uncertainty is probably the hardest bit of the process I have found especially if you can't do anything. My only advice is to not let it get to you, remember it all happens for a reason and that sspecial little person or little people are out there waiting for you to appear at just the right time.

Meeting tomorrow, hopefully some of the most recent uncertainty for me will be made clearer tomorrow.


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Sorry no personals. I can't keep up with you all!! Lol


So pleased to read lots of good news. Congrats to all getting into stage 2, hoping to be joining you soon. 


This process is certainly testing our patience eh girls!! Good practice for when we have our little ones hahaha


We're still waiting to hear if we're through to stage 2. Hoping to hear before we go on hols at the weekend. 


Have a good day all. Big hugs and good luck.


Xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi  
So had the meeting today with the social worker, she has been through all of my stage 1 work and is happy that everything is complete for starting stage 2! We chatted about the age group I have chosen (0-3) and about the issues I feel I wouldn't be able to manage. It's all starting to feel very real, I'm very excited. 
The only issue is their capacity to accommodate my home assessments, because she only works part time it is going to be the beginning of September when they can start, seems like an age away but since I haven't even picked out my new kitchen or bathroom (can't make my mind up) it is probably a good thing that it is delayed a little! 
I didn't even get any homework to do! Apparently I've done everything that needs to be done, I even showed her the books that I have read and she said a few of them are the ones they recommend so seems I'm well on track.


----------



## StarryEyed

Well following my meeting... it appears I'm at a bit of a stop gap. From what I gather, had the manager been the manager at the time of my application, they would have halted it at Stage 2 and asked me to wait. Instead I'm now being asked to wait after my deferral and am looking at a minimum of 6 months whilst I have some counselling to go through my understanding of my own background in relation to adopting - personally I'm not sure that I could have analysed it anymore or looked into my feelings anymore but yet another set of counselling can't do any harm. Good luck to you all in Stage 2, and I'll still be sticking around and popping my head in to see how you are all doing, but for now my journey is paused.

Starry


----------



## Lorella

Starryeyed - sorry about the delay but you sound quite positive. I look. Forward to hearing about you continuing your journey in 6 months. That will go by in no time x

A week to go and it will hopefully all be over. Have had some terrible news this week that my SIL's unborn baby has incurable kidney disease. She is 22 weeks. She now has to be induced this weekend. Is terrible. I just can't stop worrying about her and the panel next week is just not my priority. I am trying to refocus but it's so hard. So sad   

Hi to all xxx


----------



## Troodles

Hey Starry sorry about the setback but onwards and upwards. It's just a little blip before a lifetime of happiness and wonderful memories to be made. Stay in touch and we'll all look forward to hearing your good news in  6 months xxx


Lorella so sorry to hear that about SIL. so, so sad. I don't know what to say. Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx


LOUS mummy. Glad you had a good meeting and congrats on stage 2. It'll be here before you know it.  Xxx


Hi to everyone else. 


Still not heard!!!!!     


Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all....jalops great news congrats we are all getting there slowly....not long til first appointment keep us updated....

forgetmenot saw your post about things to do we have veen asked to wrote a personal statment that they will be using for par and family tree and eco mao that could keep you ahead of the game....

starry eyed im sorry....keep in touch if you can it gets busy on this post hehe.....look forward to hearing from you soon....

Lorella that terrible news....im sorry. ....fingers are crossed fpr the best outcome. ...lots of love xxx

sorry if ive missed people.....
my news had first profile seen to us today prior to approval panel....of two beauiful boys that we have enquired about further im so excited....dh wants more info before making a choice but think social worker has hit it on the head first time round....is this a good thing do u think??  Or should wr ask to see some more profiles any thoughts please voice.....
will hooefullly hear more tomoro and will keep you updated xx


----------



## Troodles

Hey all

Just a quickie. 

We're through to stage 2!!!!! Yippeeee. And we're keeping our stage 1 social
Worker which we're both really pleased about. 

Hope you're all well XX


----------



## Forgetmenot

Laws thank you for the ideas, I have downloaded a par and will have a look at what's involved.  I guess it gives us a bit of an insight of what is required at the end point! X

Well done Troodles. X

Starry am so sorry you must be so frustrated! You are so positive x do stick around, think it's good to keep up x

Lorella so sorry to hear of your sil, guess it takes the pressure and the stress off u. Life happens and it's horrible, poor lady x

As for us, finally we are allowed to send in our acceptance, email sent!!! Omg hopefully stage 2 starts now!!!  Training next week with a byo shares lunch.... Very scared, were like is it a test lol!!! I know it's not really, just think it's funny how we all analyse it  xx


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies for your kind words xxx. My DH is so upset about it all that he said yesterday he hasn't even thought about panel. Will just have to get through this weekend and then really try and focus on it before Wednesday. 

Laws - it's lovely when you see a profile you like. We've seen one already that we are holding out for after panel. Not been able to see any other details on the child yet x

Troodles - yippee indeed! Fab news Hun x

Xxx


----------



## Jalops

Wow I'm amazed at how different stage 2 time frame are! We are 17 weeks to panel, some of you appear to be a few months, some only a month. 
Yukky rain today xx


----------



## Freedo

Hi Ladies , all forms required prior to training have been  submitted and had an email to say they had received them, 23/24/31 training, so not long!! Hope everyone's ok xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi guys, not many personals as I find it impossible to keep up! 

Firstly starry sorry to hear of another delay for you but I'm full of admiration for how you're dealing with it! Hope you pop in still and keep us posted.

Lorella, what a truly awful thing to have to deal with as a family and with the added pressure of panel. Stay strong. X

Troodles congrats on stage 2!

Laws I'm Really not sure on the profile thing. I know I would be beside myself with excitement but another part of me would worry about making that decision so early on in home study.  Home study can be gruelling and really make you change your ideas and question things you already thought you'd decided. I'm very surprised at sw even suggesting a possible match that early on for those reasons. We were even told that somewhere around 50% of potential adopters drop out in stage 2 so it seems odd that they would even broach profiles until much closer to panel. We gave been shown a couple of profiles during our training days etc but purely for the purpose of helping us decide what we should expect and could cope with rather than a view to us actually being linked to them.


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all.  Another silent week has oassed us by in a flash - nothing changed for us - still waiting to hear if we can move onto stage 2 cause sw and family referee playing cat and mouse so not spoken yet.  Then we have to wait for sw to submit report to manager and then 5 days for a response  
Patience is running thin now - it's 3months now stuck in stage 1 and I keep hoping things move on so we don't have to wait till after Xmas for panel. 

Laws, it's great you feel excited about a profile but I would definitely look at others too - we looked at lots during prep groups and whilst I thought I loved the first one I read, I felt the same about all the others, and then came to realise I actually didn't really feel a genuine pull towards any - was just the excitement and wanting to adopt!  You never know, it could the 'the one' but how will you know unless you compare it?

Troodles- congrats on stage 2. Really want to be joining you soon!

Lorella - so sorry about SIL. truly awful. Hoping this weekend goes as smoothly as possible such difficult circumstances. Focus on panel will no doubt be difficult but you will be fine - you have prepared so much for that point it will all go to plan I'm sure.

Good luck on training freedo

X

X


----------



## eagle738

Just thought I'd whisper a cautious 'hi, may I lurk please?'

We've managed to get invited to an info evening (took a couple of months) at which we were encouraged to get in touch, and sent in the form to ask for a first visit. We've heard nothing after 2 weeks - I rang last week to see if forms had arrived and they said someone would be in touch this week but nothing. Is this normal, or is it a sign of an uninterested agency? What were your agencies like when you first started out? X


----------



## becs40

Hi Eagle and welcome. They're all so different really. We went to our info evening in February and completed our registration of interest there and then.  We  had a sw contact us to arrange first visit within a week and she came about a week later. So we submitted our application end of feb and we had a slight delay between end of stage 1 and beginning stage 2 due to change of sw. So we are now coming to the end of our home study ready for panel 1st September. 
One thing our sw has said is that because there has been such a huge amount on adoption on tv this year it has increased the numbers of people coming forward and they're struggling to cope. In fact just after we'd started they had to out any new applicants on hold as they didn't have the resource available. They've now taken on more staff and are back to normal now. So it's worth asking the agency what their position is in regards to this at the moment.


----------



## Forgetmenot

That's what ours said too becs x

We had to wait to start stage 2 due to staffing..

Stick with it and speak to the sw at the open even x good luck xx


----------



## Laws1612

hello....sorry  haven't been around for a few days was off down south to see family.....I see forgetmenot  that your from Southampton? that's where we were from originally got all my family down there.....cant believe ive only just realised lol......how are you getting on?

Becs40 -  I know the stage 2 is so different for everyone isn't it..... we only have three more meetings so I guess social worker knows we aren't pulling out now, however that is a huge % isn't it, im really surprised I would of thought you would know by now after what we have all been put through and the waiting....how are you getting on...

Lorella - are you getting excited now you don't have long now do you? im losing track of everyone......


We have our second home visit on Wednesday and then one more couple ones and its just our separate ones left. three more visits seems crazy to think that all of the visits done before panel. 
Got further information on the link but unfortunately they weren't for us, it really difficult to say no but at least we know what we are looking for now....
Hope everyone is well freedo,troodles,notgivingup and jalops....
welcome eagle.....congrats on getting started..i think It really depends on the agency or LA, as you can probs tell from all of us chatting everyone does things so differently.....is it an agency your with?
xxxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Laws,

Yep all training days done now and just 2 more home visits. We've been sorting our house a bit this week in regards to the outstanding health and safety stuff. I would have thought most people would know by this stage but I was surprised by some on our training day that had found the home visit sessions extremely intrusive and I guess that's what throws people into a spin sometimes. I have to say we haven't found it bad at all, probably because neither of us have much of a past and we're also very open people so most of what's been discussed we've talked about with others anyway.
We've now been told the family finding day we're going to isn't just profiles but the actual babies will be there. Not sure how that's going to work. They're all under 1 years old so can't really imagine it. But very excited none the less.

Lorella good luck for Wednesday, I hope you're able to enjoy your day given everything you and your family are going through. It's such a significant day.


----------



## eagle738

Thanks for the welcomes! 

It's great to read about so many of you making your way through the process and am learning a lot. 

Sorry, mini rant coming up. I've given the LA a ring today who said they'd decided we should wait a couple of years so our birth child is older. One, they could have said so 6 weeks ago rather than messing us about, and two, they said they wanted a two year gap which by the time we are approved we'd have and they agreed that that is ok. Yes, it restricts us to LOs under 18 months but we're ok to wait and lots of people seem to be matched with 0-2 year olds. May try a VA that has been recommended but not sure... 

X


----------



## Forgetmenot

Arghhh dropping the a bomb with the inlaws...

We've just hit send, gulp!!!

They live abroad and we have been trying to meet up, but it's not going to happen and feel they could do with processing time to give the right response!!

So nervous xx

Sorry for lack of personals. Stressing as last few days of school and stage two training at the end of the week, so feel apprehensive about that!!


----------



## Laws1612

Becs that day sounds amazing....where are you in the world to attend that.? Least you can get hands on and really experience there personalities....

Forgetmenot who knows with them being away and reading the email they have more time to answer in an thoughtful way rather than the first thing that comes into there head this could be a bonus.....I hope they come back in full support you might be surprised......

Eagle.....what a shame I'm sorry you have had bad news that's really frustrating.....it might be worth asking a few different companies and see what they suggest....good luck with your enquires.....xxx
Cleaning the house again today due to socia worker coming....this is doing me good soical worker coming every week hehe makes me clean haha xxx


----------



## Lorella

Laws - it's panel tomorrow....yikes! X

Notgivingup - thanks for your kind thoughts. I hope you get to move to stage 2 soon and you hear some news x

Becs - thanks for your kind thoughts too.  I'm with you re. Home study. Did not find the home visits at all intrusive really but we have a fantastic SW who is really on our wave length and doesn't take things to seriously, which defo helped. Your family finding day sounds really exciting. Look forward to hearing how that goes. Thanks for your good luck wishes x

Will update tomorrow. Fingers crossed.......    Xxx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - all the best for tomorrow !!!!!! I am sure you will get great news


----------



## eagle738

Lorella -Good luck!


----------



## Troodles

In a Sunny Spain at mo with no wifi so just a quickie to say good luck Lorella. Will be thinking of you Hun. Given em everything you've got and here's to hearing your good news. 

Big hugs to you and the rest of the gang. 'Speak' soon x x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck lorrella x eeeeek x

So lovely to be with people on this journey!

We have stage 2 training tomorrow, feeling nervous.  However, the a bomb went down better than expected.  Dh sister was lovely, and sent lots of lovely messages and called to straight away! 

The in laws, more positive than imaged.... Maybe it was the processing time, but went as well as it could have, so feeling relieved for now!

Well jealous troodles!mind you hot as here x

Thanks laws, was good to get it done, and they did surprise us really  x


----------



## Jalops

Good luck Lorrella!!!! Looking forward to hearing your big fat yes later xxx


----------



## Lorella

We are approved!! Will update more later! Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Yay fab news lorrella x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Arghhh schools out for summer!!

Feel terrible as I am missing saying good bye to several members of my department, but couldn't say anything!!

Prep days start tomorrow.  Really anxious.... X


----------



## Petite One

Yipee Lorella. Fantastic news. I was thinking of you today


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Forgetmenot x

Ah thanks petite one and thanks for your support and advice. Last night I went through PAR with fine tooth comb! Really made me feel more prepared x

So panel was fine. Was in there 15 mins. Had 3 questions: how do you feel about process? How did you feel about matching criteria? How do you think you'll cope with changes to lifestyle? That was it.  They said we had a really good PAR and great references so wasn't anything else they needed to ask 😊

So pleased it's all over. Good luck to everyone else on their journey. Will keep checking in xxx

Ps. Oh I def think my rescue remedy helped too!


----------



## Lorella

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 

Panel zone 

Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st
Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th

TBC
Forgetmenot
Notgivingup
Troodles
Lous mummy
Jalops
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Twink
Freedo
RocketJ

Let me know if you want to be added
Xxx


----------



## mafergal

Massive congrats Lorella to you & your DH! x


----------



## becs40

Yay well done! Massive congrats!


----------



## Primmer

Huge congrats Lorella - so happy for you


----------



## RocketJ

Well done Lorella, that's fantastic news  
Could I go back on the list please? I seem to have fallen off somewhere along the line! I'm sorry for being a bit quiet on here for the last couple of weeks - I'm still waiting for my dbs to be allowed to start S2! Grr. Plenty to do with the end of term coming, so I've been trying to keep busy and not think about it too much. It's great to hear what everyone has been up to though xx


----------



## notgivingup

Huge congratulations Lorella! The first of many on this thread hopefully! So glad it went smoothly for you after everything you are going through!

We are officially into stage 2! After a few phone calls and emails giving a little nudge, it's all sorted.  Just waiting to arrange home study dates and get that panel date in sight! 

Rocketj - hope your DBS is back soon.  Mine took 8 weeks in all but felt like much longer when it was holding up getting to stage 2. 

Forgetmenot - glad the news went down ok with the in laws! It's nerve wracking telling people - I would love to tell people at work especially as there are so many pregnancy announcements so it's all pregnancy talk but still feel it's too early for them to know anything yet. So back to keeping mouth shut and not being too frustrated with all the talking! 

Eagle - sorry the la weren't clearer with you at the beginning - so frustrating.  But I would say you've got nothing to lose by contacting other la's or voluntary agencies - it doesn't commit you to anything to ask a few questions. 

Enjoy the last few days of term to those of you in schools - there seems to be a few - not that I'm jealous of you 6 weeks off or anything!?! 
X


----------



## Tw1nk82

congratulations lorella that is fantastic news. Im glad it all went well x

notgivingup good luck with stage 2 x

forgetmenot good look with prep tomorrow xx

a big hello to everyone else xx

so we handed our dbs forms in on monday when the sw came round. She went through all the worksheets that we have to complete. omg there is a lot to do how did everyone else find this? The dogs have been booked in for assesment on the 29th and just waiting for the three day prep now xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Massive congratulations Lorella. Really happy for you. Can't wait to hear the rest of your journey.

Eagle - sorry to hear about your lack of information - although 6 weeks seems like a long time you'll look back and laugh. Just about managing to find it myself now!

Got the end of term wind down - or crank it up I should say. Can't stand this period of the year. Kids go crazy and everyone is stressed and panicked about getting classrooms cleared, boards backed, books out etc especially as we are all moving rooms! I wish I was allowed to just stick a DVD on in the background and get on with a few jobs... arrggh.. the life of teaching!


----------



## Petite One

Lorella said:


> Thanks Forgetmenot x
> 
> Ah thanks petite one and thanks for your support and advice. Last night I went through PAR with fine tooth comb! Really made me feel more prepared x
> 
> So panel was fine. Was in there 15 mins. Had 3 questions: how do you feel about process? How did you feel about matching criteria? How do you think you'll cope with changes to lifestyle? That was it. They said we had a really good PAR and great references so wasn't anything else they needed to ask &#128522;
> 
> So pleased it's all over. Good luck to everyone else on their journey. Will keep checking in xxx
> 
> Ps. Oh I def think my rescue remedy helped too!


Ah you're welcome. Wow that was quick and only 3 questions! Go you.


----------



## Lorella

Sorry rocketj. I have put you back on. Thanks ladies. Feels quite unreal!

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 

Panel zone 

Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st
Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th
Jalopy - December 3rd

TBC
Forgetmenot
Notgivingup
Troodles
Lous mummy
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Twink
Freedo
RocketJ

Let me know if you want to be added
Xxx


----------



## Jalops

Congratulations Lorrella! Super news!! 
I'm also confirmed as 3rd December for panel . Please can you add me, I think I have  the longest assessment out of  everyone    long time time. . But hopefully time will be busy in between. 
J xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Woo hoo Lorella that's so fab!!!! Can't wait for that to be us!!! Love the title Mummy to be - how awesome is that to see that written down?!! You are going to be a Mummy        I just love the fact that I can read that and be so excited for you and not be upset cus someone has had another baby. 

Congrats for those of you moving onto Stage 2.

Tw1nk it is a lot of homework isn't it? We have only just finished the first bit and you don't realise how much it is actually going to be till you start answering all the questions!! Love we are at almost same stage. Enjoy your prep we did  

Jalops congrats on getting a panel date. How exciting to get approved right before Xmas. I hope we will be nearly by then then finally we may get a happy Xmas not like the past few years. 

Forgetmenot - good luck for your prep day. U'll be fine I'm sure. What will you be doing? We were told there would only be one day in stage 2 and that would cover mental health and e safety. Enjoy your 6 weeks hols   Obviously on the farm it's our most busiest time of year so I am going to have lots of long all day shifts. Still we are blowing our savings on going to LA in October!! Just decided to have one big holiday just the 2 of us as hopefully it will be the last and our next holiday will be planned around the kids   So got to earn those pennies lol. 

We have our new social worker who will see us all the way through coming tonight so hope we like her as we have really liked all the social workers from the department that we have encountered so far. It's a small team only 9 of them so think we have met half already so hope this one is lovely too lol. 

Had our medicals this week which was fine. Our doctor was lovely and was complaining what a faff all the medical questions were and why did they have to know that. What difference does it make if I wear glasses etc. he said he would approve me right then bless him. The only thing he picked up on was I had sugar in my urine sample. He was so sweet he said I don't want to put anything on your form that will cause them any issues so he put down a trace cus he said they won't pay any attention to that. But he's sending me for a blood test to rule out diabetes. I thought well if it is they would have to know lol but bless him for being so nice about it. 

So that's us so don't think there's anything else we will have to do after SW comes. To be honest I am enjoying the wait tho it hasn't been that long l. I am just going with the flow and just hoping we finish stage one by the end of Aug as we are provisionally booked on the training day to start stage 2 on the 28th Aug. 

Hi to everyone else sorry no more personals. It's my dad's 75th birthday today and I am attempting my 1st try at making a proper cake   Could be interesting in the kitchen today    

Have a good day everyone. I so love this group


----------



## Laws1612

Hi loki girl....was wondering how yiu were getting on.....how did the meeting go....
Seems like everything is beginning to pick back up for us all which is so exciting!!! I kbow what you mean about not feeling exciting when someone is pregnant but adoption has really given me a new lease of life....cant believe were nearly all mummies!

Lorella... congrats how exciting for you....any ideas of if you will be seeing profiles??

Forget me not... is school out now?? Hope your training goes well I found the last day so interesting I dont know if yours will be the same but really I learnt alot....let us know how you get on.

tw1nk.....llots of paper wotk even more in stage two wrote our profile for social worker the other day it was like being back at uni it was over a 1000 words lol.....get ready hehe....glad things are ticking along for you..

notgivingup.....stage 2....welcome to the club....any news on dated yet....


got our individual visits left now and that's all for us gonna be finished by 1st week of aug then holiday to corfu for a week with friends cant wait....need to get this bikni body ready tho and not eat chocolate on night shift....note to self put chocolate down  
then just waiting for oanel date hoping if report is written early they may bring panel forward to 10th sept keeping fingers crossed....
hope your all well....maybe one day we can all get together? 
Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks laws and Loki x

Schools out for summer!  Has been a difficult few days with prep days and bunking off school!!

First prep day was a bit dry and not much new info.  However the adopters story speakers were amazing.  They give you, open, honest, frank convos!  Loved it 

Today was much better.  More interactive and some new bits. 

So now to meet our new social work on Monday.... Gulp!  

Can I ask, does your stage 2 start when you sign paperwork agreement letter, or when they received it?

Thanks all xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Glad it all went well Forgetmenot. Yes the speakers for us was really interesting especially when they start by saying we were sitting there like you are a year ago and then u think wow that could be us with kids next year!!!

Thanks Laws. Meeting went well SW was nice although I was a bit disappointed that she really isn't one of the 9 social workers at our LA. She is just a zero hours worker who does the assessment process with us. If we get approved we will then have another one. Seems a bit disappointing that she will go all the way with us but then we will have someone else when approved. She just came to meet us and basically ask us if we thought the homework was manageable   I thought well it's going to have to be isn't it    So yeah they are trying to get in touch with all my jobs from the last 24yrs of Nannying (good luck with that one!!) and we just wait and do the homework to have finished by end of Stage One which should be end Aug beginning Sept.

A holiday in Corfu sounds fab Laws. Go for it before those kids turn up that's what we are doing!!!

Good luck with meeting your new social worker Forgetmenot!!


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi ladies, can I join this thread? I recognise a few names on here. 

After some highs and lows, loads of tears and discussions we've decided to go down the adoption route. I was due to have FET next month but something was holding me back, maybe it was the fear of heartache again after having a mc at Christmas. We feel a sense of relief but still wondering how I will cope about facing the fact I won't give birth myself.

I know the process can be difficult to adopt but I am sure we will be approved and maybe some time next year we will be blessed and will be a mummy & daddy to a special little one.

X


----------



## Loki Girl

Welcome to my old IVF friend Paula!!! I know it's always difficult to be here as it's not ideal that this is the way we would of planned to have a family. I think the more you go into the process the more at ease you will be. I think its only natural that there will always be a tiny hint of regret that we won't have our tiny babies but I know deep down in my heart it won't be an issue once we get our own little ones. I like the fact that once we are all approved which we all will be then we will be guaranteed a child. I had begun to realise IVF was such a gamble and one we couldn't keep doing physically, emotionally, mentally or financially!!!

The ladies on here are lovely and we are all at different stages so there is loads of advice if you get stuck. I have just completed the prep courses and now just sit and wait for all the checks to come back and plough through a lot of homework questions lol. 

Anyways glad to have you aboard


----------



## becs40

Hi Paula welcome!
Loki is right, the more you go through this the easier it becomes. I really struggled at first with the things we would miss out on but going through the assessment process focusses you on the future. I'm now so busy thinking of how are family will be, what sort of things we could be doing next year, the year after etc that the "birth" bit has kind of gone by the wayside. If I stop and think long enough then there's a bit of me that will be sad at some of the things still but within moments I'm back to thinking about the life that lies ahead as a family which is after all what it's all about whether you come to that through childbirth or adoption. At the end of the day we could miss out on less than a year of the parenting experience which is a small price to pay to get the lifetime reward of a family.
Good luck.


----------



## Troodles

Hi all


Back from Spain yesterday and a serious case of insomnia and holiday blues lol


Instead of staring at the ceiling have read all your news that I've missed the last week. So good to see that so many of us are on the move again and well done Lorella. Such  fab news!!


We have a meeting with SW and her manager on Tuesday to officially go through to stage 2 and get our dates, including panel date which will prob be some time in November. We have our 3 day prep in Septemberso looking forward to that and they've sent an invite for a relatives workshop so will see if parents and maybe SIL fancy that. 




Big hugs to you all and welcome paulapumpkin xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey ladies,


Welcome Paula, you'll find a great sense of support over here and I look forward to seeing your journey through this process. It can be difficult but keeping your eye on the future definitely helps. Good luck!

Well since the meeting a week and a half ago, I'm stills waiting on something in writing more than a month after panel. I've just emailed my social worker and the lady in admin as my social worker is currently away again, only to find out that the adoption administrator is also out of office tomorrow. I'm beginning to feel quite let down in terms of the way I'm being treated post-panel and whilst I'm still remaining positive, I'm questioning whether I'm making the right decision to stay with my current agency or whether to consider starting again elsewhere.

On a more positive note I had a great day yesterday meeting up with some other adopters and feeling more positive and stronger than ever.

Hope you ladies are all doing well.


----------



## Laws1612

Welcome paula....lots of ladies on here with all dofferent experience so will hopefully be able to get advice when you need it...

troodles....welcome back...good luck todat....let us know the update xx

lorella....any news on matches? ?
starryeyed.....back on the horse before  you know....glad you are back to yourself xx

hope everyone else is well....

xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all, so sorry been off radar since last week.  We had our three days of prep and it was epic!

Just was so long, hot and we were tired and by the time we had our daily dissect, we were beat!!  The training was of varying quality, but lots of it good.  The adopter stories were great, and keeps your spirits up.... And we met lots of nice people, there is a few we will keep in touch with, but it was a little competitive!!!

Last night we met our new social worker too, and panel date book. OMG!! Feel scared to write it, incase it doesn't happen.  She seems ok tough, so I guess we will find out first single meeting next week, gulp!!

Well I am now able to live the dream as schools out for summer, which is fab!

Finally made it... Weird to think I am free  xx

Will do personals later, but wanted to welcome Paula, another RG lady x. Just want to assure you, once you start this journey you know it's right xx


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies 😊
Has been all go since panel last Weds we were ratified yesterday - hooray! Just needed that so could finally allow myself to believe this is real!

Then today was last day at school for summer hols. Had sooo many lovely messages and cards from parents. My school shared our panel news in school newsletter on Friday. So lovely it being out there and being able to share it with everyone. Parents are so so pleased for us. It is a lovely feeling. Not one of them has even mentioned anything about how we got to this point. The IVF truly is becoming like a very distant memory now. I feel so excited about starting our new family through adoption. It's just like this was meant to be. Feels good!

Then tonight met with SW to go through CPR of our potential link. 6 month old pink! 
Am so glad got to go through example CPRs as part of home study as def needed to be prepared. 
We still very keen on link and going to explore it further when get back from holiday ( off to Cornwall for a wk on Saturday)  

Forgetmenot - great news on panel date 👍
Starryeyed- sorry you are feeling let down by your agency. Hope you can make the right decision on what to do. It's a tricky one x
Troodles. - mum and stepdad went on relatives day and loved it x
Paulapumpkin - welcome 👋
Laws - I have given up on bikini body now! Especially with the chocs I have just stuffed down my throat from the kids! Have a great time in. Corfu x

Loki girl - what a lovely doctor! Hope the cake went ok 😊

Hi to Becs, Jalops, TWink,  RocketJ! Notgivingup, Primmer, Teamug, lous mummy and Freedo! Apologies if I have missed anyone. Hope everyone is doing ok xxx


----------



## buddy01

Hi ladies

I have just found out that my final course of IVF/ICSI has failed.  I have very disappointed.  However I am interested in looking into adoption.  Does anyone know if there has to be a gap between the end of fertility treatment and applying to adopt?  I am looking into different agencies too.

Thank you and it's lovely to join this thread.

Jane x


----------



## becs40

Hi buddy, sorry that your final course hasn't worked. I'm pretty sure all agencies will want you to have a break. Although how long for will vary from agency to agency. 6 months is typical, we were lucky in that ours was ok with us after 4 months.
Speak to lots of different agencies and take it from there. 
You need to be really ready to go through the whole process though as your lives are opened bare so do make sure you're in a good place before you embark.


----------



## Loki Girl

Lorella OMG a 6mth old little one how fab   it must be so nice to be considering a young baby as didnt think they placed many young babies. Hope it all works out. 

Forgetmenot - it's happening!!! You have a panel date and that's another step closer.  Can't wait to get ours!!!

Jane - welcome and sorry to hear about your last IVF. I think we have all been there and it's not easy but hopefully you will have a new plan soon and it will be ok.  I think most agencies will ask for a break of 6mths but think they are being more lenient depending on the individual circumstances. It depends on the agency as well. I waited 6mths as that felt right for me although it was 4mths  when we made initial enquiry it was really 6mths when we went on the prep courses. I felt that was right for me. Everyone is different. I think Forgetmenot started in less than 6mths but then another of our ladies was told she had to wait 12mths. I would say give yourself a bit of time to grieve and when you feel better make some enquiries and see what they say. 

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine and not being too hot at work. We are having a Wild West themed summer so half my time I am dressed up as a cowgirl shooting the kids with water pistols!!! It's very hot but the kids have been loving it. Staff have been having a laugh too


----------



## Petite One

Lorella congratulations on getting the ratification letter and good luck with your link.


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, Lorella congrats on match!!! Welcome to all newbies , you will get to know I am not very good with personals!! Only a quickly from me, training tomorrow and Thursday and next Thursday!!! Eeeeeekkkkk, nervous but excited!!! xxxx


----------



## Troodles

OMG Lorella. That's amazing. A 6 month old would be my dream come true. I bet you're on cloud 9. Congratulations. 


Welcome Buddy. So sorry to hear your news and hope this journey is a good one for you with a happy ending. 


Loki sounds like fun!


Hi to everyone else. 


We had our official stage 2 meeting today and signed our agreement. Panel date is 12 November, day before DH birthday and a week before Forgetmenot!! First home session on Monday. She said it will be 2-3 hours and have 8 sessions booked in. Mental cleaning frenzy at weekend lol


Hope you're all well. Nite nite for now x x x


----------



## Loki Girl

Looks like some people moving along which is fab. Congrats those who have panel dates and stage 2 visits. Wow 2-3hrs   that's a lot of talking lol!!!

Freedo good luck for training. You will find it fun and enlightening - well we did lol. Enjoy it and remember a lot of it will be worse case scenario and your child may only have one of those problems if any so don't feel too bogged down by the heavy stuff. 

Have a good day everyone


----------



## Forgetmenot

To tag on to Loki, in the vets yesterday there was this little girl, 2 yrs max, cute as a button, busy playing with her poorly staffy dog.  This man came in (long lost friend of the lady, so it appeard)... She was, this is my daughter, we adopted her last year.  I was like, I would have haved had her!! She looked just like her mummy.  Was desperate for them to stop talking so I could... Then they got called in.... Damn being on time vet man!!!


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Thank you for such a warm welcome! 

We've got our info meeting on 6 Aug, the SW has said the aim if we go through stage 1 & 2 is to be at panel by 6 months!!!

Meeting my sister in laws sister at the weekend who adopted a 2 year old last year. He is so integrated into our family and love him just the same, it's like he's always been with them, he even looks like them and acts like them. He was fostered at birth and is still in contact with his foster mum who lives locally. 

I've emailed RG clinic to say we are not doing the FET at the moment, we both felt such relief and we are looking forward to the future again rather than feeling like it's on hold. I guess we just take each step at a time.

The next few weeks will be tough as the adoption info day is the due date of the baby I lost. I've been warned it's going to be tough and I'm starting to feel weepy. A young girl I know is due the same day and I've been seeing her grow her baby, I feel jealous but overjoyed for her at the same time.

I so appreciate this forum and it's comforting to see some RG ladies who helped me so much with my IVF cycle - thank you!!!!!

I am looking forward to sharing the next part of our journey to be forever parents and share all of yours too.

Xxxx


----------



## buddy01

Hi all

Thank you so much for welcoming on to your thread.  I know that it is early days but I am making initial enquiries into adoption and then take it from there.  I can understand that there has to be a break between IVF and adoption but to be honest I really wanted to just get on with it, I have spent 2 years with IVF and hospitals and couldn't bear another wait but will see what happens.

Will be lovely to follow others on here 

Jane xx


----------



## Primmer

Paula - welcome and hope your info evening goes well 

Starryeyed - keep the faith you will get there hun  

Forgetmenot - good luck with sw meeting next week.

Lorella - congrats on ratification. How exciting about your potential link with little pink. Hope you have a lovely holiday.

Buddy - our voluntary agency required 12 months from end of treatment to starting the process but other agencies require 6 months. With all agencies though they will stop the process if they believe that you need more time.

Freedo - good luck with you training. I am sure you will enjoy it.

Troodles - yay on getting panel date! It will be able go from herein in! 

AFM - things are moving quickly in stage 2 we have had 1 joint meeting with sw, I have had my 1-2-1 with sw last week and DH has his 1-2-1 next week and then we only have one more joint meeting booked in for 20 August. All our meetings have been really short at about 1 hour do really hope sw has all the info she needs. We are trying to make out homework as derailed as possible to make up for the short meetings do hopefully our par will be ok.


----------



## buddy01

Primmer - thanks for the info 

Jane x


----------



## becs40

Wow primmer that's not much time with sw at all! I was and still am concerned that when we read our report that it's not going to be us at all as she's been thorough but feel she's not really got to "know" us.
We've had 4 joint meetings and the individuals and gave our final joint one on Monday. All our sessions have been at least 2 hours. We've been really open and she has asked all the questions but still don't think she knows us, I guess we'll find out when we see the report!


----------



## Primmer

Becs - that is the same worry as me. People kept telling us how instrusive sw meetings were and yet I haven't found that but I don't know if that is because sw has asked the right questions or whether we were just so geared up for it being intrusive that it doesn't seem so bad. Fingers crossed our PAR's will accurately describe us and if not that there is time to alter them!


----------



## Lorella

Great news on panel date Troodles!! X

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella

Panel zone 

Teamug - August 19th 
Becs - September 1st
Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th
Troodles - November 12th
Jalopy - December 3rd

TBC
Forgetmenot
Notgivingup
Lous mummy
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Twink
Freedo
RocketJ


----------



## Lorella

Primmer and Becs - try not to worry. I did not find the home study intrusive at all. We also had only 4 meetings that only lasted between 1-2 hours each time. They seemed to get shorted and shorter! Remember they have done this loads of times so I am sure your PARs will be brilliant. And as you said Primmer, we got a draft sent to us and had the chance to highlight any errors and comment on any bits we didn't feel read right. 
Our PAR was fantastic and I am sure yours will be too 😊 xxx

Thanks for your congrats on potential link. Long way to go yet but exciting!


----------



## Primmer

Thanks Lorella - that's reassuring to know!


----------



## mafergal

Same here & our PAR is great too. Tbh it's full of quotes from us 'reflecting' on things from the 30+ page pre-home study booklet we each did (which DW still cringes about) but it's our own words & our personalities really come across. Good luck to you all x


----------



## becs40

Thanks Lorella and Mafergal that is reassuring! I'm nervous about reading it and how we'll feel reading about ourselves like that. Interesting though I'm sure!
Lorella fingers crossed on your match. We're still being told our la has lots of under 1's and may also be some newborns in the frame for foster to adopt. We're talking about that option at the moment and it's one I think I would really like to do. I know there are risks but for me the benefits are too enormous to ignore for us and the baby.


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, well day 1 over , really enjoyed it and found it really interesting, informative but also emotional. Got a splitting headache now! She said to prepare for tomorrow as really intense! Chilling now and looking forward to tomorrow! xxxx


----------



## teamug

Good evening everyone

Sorry I've been quiet lately, just so much going on and lots to think about with all of the SW meetings which for us are now all done    we now await on our PAR but our SW has to see our references face to face first she has 1 to see tomorrow,1 Friday and also my sister to book a date with, but she is hoping the PAR will be ready for us to read next week !!  eeek excited and nervous about that. Just hope it can all be done in time for our panel in 4weeks !! 

Read a few of the last comments sounds like everyones moving along nicely 

Great news Lorella a link wow that must feel great   

Good luck everyone x


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## Lorella

Thanks Teamug! I am feeling excited for your panel next month! Can't wait to get another mummy to be on our board! Xxx


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## Laws1612

Teamug......welcome back I'm glad it's all coming along nicely for you.


this forum is getting so exciting!!!

I had my inside all visit this week with social which went really well was nervous just Incase she started digging deeper than I wanted her to but actually it was really lovely and I feel like she's more of a friend that pops round to see us once a week which is nice. We have got dh individual meeting next week and then one more visit.....was surprised but SW said to me yesterday she has nearly written the par and will only need that last visit just to confirm the last things....we then haven't got panel til 24th sept so socail worker asked to bring it forward and they have to accomdate us which is great so panel is gonna be hopefully end August or  beginning sept so excited.....it's all just going so well..... 
Hope everyone is doing ok xxx


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## teamug

Thanks Lorella and Laws

Don't like this waiting stage, so frustrating but it has gone quickly over the last few months so hopefully this will all be ok and before we know it we will be at panel.

Laws - brilliant news if you get to bring your date forward   woop woop


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## Primmer

Laws - that's great news!


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## Forgetmenot

Hi all, hope you are enjoying the weather... I am going to be British and pray for rain lol!!
I am just too hot 

I have my first meeting on Monday with our new social worker, but it's my first individual season.. I think childhood and education....

What will they possibly ask? Had a good childhood, though nothing much happened!!  Life was pretty good until my 30's!!!

There is always something to worry about in this process and saying the right thing xx


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## Primmer

Forgetmenot - I had mine last week and they asked things such as my first childhood memory, to describe my childhood etc. they also asked questions like did I ever feel frightened, hurt or threatened as a child. They asked what my relationship was like with my parents as a child and now. We didn't get on to education in much detail as the sw had to leave early but will finish that part next time.


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## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, spoke to some family members over the last few days and they've said I'm mad not going back to clinic in Czech for 2 embryos that are left from last cycle! They said they support my decision but they made me question myself!

I explained I just want to be a mummy and that didn't want to face the uncertainty of IVF. My sister said ' yes, but you got pregnant first time round'.

She thinks my hubby is forcing me into adoption route which isn't the case.

Confused !

X


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## becs40

Ah Paula, only you can decide because only you know how you feel.
For us, we'd always said before we even went down the ivf route we would have 3 cycles then move to adoption. We wanted to give it a chance but we also wanted it settled in our minds when it would be time to move on before we started the ivf.  After our second cycle we really struggled with the idea of trying again. It wasn't the emotion or the treatment that was the issue as I was very detached from it all, I was just struggling with wasting so much money when we really knew it wasn't going to work for us. We talked long and hard and eventually decided we'd said 3 cycles so we'd stick to it so we would not be able to look back and regret any decision. The one thing we had always agreed on though was that if on the third cycle it wasn't successful and we had any frozen embryos we would try a transfer but not another full cycle. It was never an issue for us as in 3 cycles we never had any frozen embryos. 
I think personally I wouldn't have been able to move on knowing that one of those embryos left could have been the one. I was lucky that I didn't have that decision to make and in the fact I found the ivf pretty easy so I understand it's a tough decision when ivf has been very emotional and hard going for some.


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## Loki Girl

Paula really feel for you. Sometimes friends and family can seem to be well meaning but they really don't understand and eventually it gets to be annoying cus they have no idea. Our 1st IVF was an ectopic and everyone said you were just unlucky and I believed that in the beginning but then had 4 straight negatives in a row without even the hint of a pregnancy. Only we can know how sole destroying it is. I began to realise the odds were just too high even though we had big beliefs in the beginning. We also said we were going to have 3 attempts as we had read if it hadn't of worked then it prob wasn't going to work. We ended up with 5 attempts at 3 different clinics!! 

As Becs said only you can decide. We also let one set of our frozen embryos go. Well RG just wrote to us asking what we wanted to do but we said don't keep them. I think I felt bit more upset about that than DH but we still have 2 frozen at Gennet. Not sure what we will do with those cus I know the recommendations for us the the last time was for me to have all the intrallipids treatment and we just couldn't go through that. 

You need to base your decision on what you can cope with. If you feel enough is enough then enough is enough. I actually wish I hadn't of had that last attempt but on the other hand if we hadn't think I would of always asked myself what if I had? You need to be clear in your head that adoption is the right route otherwise you may find it hard going. Your embryos if you decide to keep them frozen will be there in the future. I'm not sure once we have our adoptive family whether I would want to try the IVF as then we would of had our family and would I want to go through IVF or maybe I won't be stressed knowing well if it doesn't work it won't be as heartbreaking cus we already (hopefully) have a family. Also I am kind of hoping that even if we adopt siblings there may be the possibility that the mother would have another baby and we may get offered it as well. You never know lol. 

Anyways don't try and let friends and family influence your decision. At the end of the day the support network is hugely important as we are discovering as we go through the process. You don't want them saying you are confused or they think one of you is more into it than the other one as that will set radars up with the social workers. It's why our social worker said they do separate interviews to make sure both of you are equally on board with the process. 

Talk it over with your DH and make sure you are both happy with the decision then try and be persistent with your family telling them you can't keep putting yourselves through it. Hopefully in time they will accept the decision is right for you. 

Sending you hugs   x


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## becs40

Hi to everyone new and old.

Quick update from me, we've had our last hv today and sw has said we should get PAR within next fortnight for us to approve before panel on 1st September. Scarily close now! We also have the adoption day on Saturday to look forward to but am nervous about that too. I'm worried about how overwhelming it's all going to be faced with the reality of these children we talk about. There's only going to be 11 children there and the eldest is 3 so going to be interesting to see how it is with such littlies. We only have an hour as well which makes it harder.


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## buddy01

So is it like going to an Open Day and meeting the children?  Sorry but I am new to all of this.  I'm having a break between IVF and adoption and hope to start proceedings next February.

Good luck to everyone.
Jane x


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## becs40

Hi yes it's like a fun day for the kids where the adopters join in the activities and see if they make a connection with a child.
Have a look at this program which shows a lot more about them.


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## Troodles

Hi all. Hope you're all doing well. 


Well done Becs. Not long now!!!


Well I've had an absolute nightmare. First hv yesterday but was rushed to hospital by ambulance on Sunday. Had severe chest pains and struggling to breathe. Paramedics said it could be my heart so whisked me off. I was so upset as thought that would be the end of our adoption journey. Luckily it wasn't my heart,it was some sort of acid reflux. Never had pain like it!!


Got home about 11am and went straight to bed. DH woke me at 2.30 to see if I wanted to cancel SW as she was coming at 4. Decided to carry on to show I'm made of tough stuff and would just get on with it if I was ill with a child!  She decided to change topics and did child care experience instead of loss. She was here about 2 hours. Just hope being ill didn't go against me. Hopefully will be fighting fit next week!!


Take care all x x x


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## Loki Girl

Troodles you poor thing. That sounds so scary. Glad to hear though it wasn't serious tho bet you thought the worst at the time. Glad SW was sympathetic and you were able to cope. Hope you are ok now  

Becs wow that seems so surreal good luck. Are u thinking that your potential son or daughter could be in that room!!! I would find that amazing. Do you know how many other adopters will be there? I guess they wouldn't want many as that may overwhelm the children. Can't wait to hear how you get on  

Well I'm polishing up on my nanny skills today lol. Looking after the kids from my old family I used to nanny for. When I started the kids were 6mths, 18mths and 4yrs and I was with them for 5yrs. Today the kids are 7,8 and 11 so much much easier   Planning a lovely day with them in the sun. Gives me a break from the farm and tbh a bit of a rest cus they are really good kids. I do hold a soft spot for them and they were even bridesmaids and pageboy at my wedding bless them. 

Anyways not much happening for us but wouldn't expect there to be yet anyways. Just hope all the checks are going ok. Have a great day everyone


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## Jalops

Troodles, how horrible for you, hope you are feeling better today. 

Ladies, we are trying to write our what profile  but struggling to know what kind of things goes in to one? What kind of info should be included!? Xx


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## Paulapumpkin

Thanks for your advice ladies, Loki I think we will carry on freezing the 2 embies just incase we don't get through stage 1. I have always wanted to adopt even before I got married and hubby had infertility problems. 

Trod less, hope you are feeling better.

Hi to everyone else, it's great to read all your updates.

X


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## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone sorry for lack of personals. We had our two dogs assessed today and they passed with flying colours and are placed as low risk   one more thing to cross off the list. Our medicals are booked for friday and we have made a good start on our home study. Bring on the prep course next week xx


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## becs40

Troodles hope you're feeling better, I definitely can't see it as being anything but a positive that you did soldier on! As you say once you have a child you have no choice.

Loki I'm trying not to think like that or the expectation and excitement will be beyond belief lol! But yes it could very well be the first time we see or read about our child.😊

Twink well done on the dogs. Ours gas never actually had a formal assessment maybe because all she's ever done is sleep when the social worker is here lol!

Hi to everyone else.


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## Lous mummy

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update, SW has been in contact and has booked me in for the 10th September to start stage 2 assessments, I can't wait but still don't have a panel date, does anyone know if they will give me that on that first assessment. Work have been fab and are letting me have flexible hours during stage 2 so i'll get one day a week off, because of this the SW would like to do longer sessions to get things through faster


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## Lorella

Just popping on to say hi! 
Am on holiday in Cornwall but we brought the iPad with us. Big mistake ....  

Just wanted to say well done to Troodles for battling on. That must have been a nightmare for you. Glad you got through meeting ok and you are feeling better  

Becs - good luck with adoption day. Look forward to hearing about it  

TWink - great news your doggies passed ok  

Paulapumpkin - such a hard decision to make. Be prepared for SW to question if you have really come to terms with not having your own birth child though. They can be quite hot on this and if you have embies in storage she might question your commitment to adoption. I am not saying I agree with it just a heads up x

Lous mummy - we didn't get a panel date until a few meetings into stage 2 and even then I had to ask! Then the one she gave wasn't a definite and that was brought forward in the end anyway! I think it depends on the agency/LA/SW as I know others have been given them quickly and they've stuck to them. Hope you get yours soon as it's nice to know  

Hi to everyone else xxx


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## becs40

Hi Lous mummy,
We were given our panel date on our first stage 2 assessment so yes you should get in then. We had to sign a stage 2 agreement on the first session which laid out all our visits and what each one would cover and then our panel date.
We did most our visits on a Monday as I don't work Mondays and we've had 6 sessions all 2-3 hours. One of the 6 was our individual sessions, so 5 joint ones.

Hi Lorella hope you're enjoying cornwall? Still buggy spotting?


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## Lous mummy

Thank you Lorella and Becs, 

She did say that we would do a stage 2 agreement so hopefully it will be within that.

I can barely contain my excitement, my parents have booked a holiday to Spain for my daughter and I at the end of August so at least i'll get to relax a little before it all starts. 

Has anyone else thought about when they'll start to get lo's room ready? I have builders booked in to strip and plaster the room (necessary works) and I have started to get ideas for decoration but I worry I may be getting a little ahead of myself.


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## becs40

Funnily enough we have a plasterer coming round tomorrow to look at our room. He's normally booked up for  a while so I would imagine he'll be skimming it around a months time when we go to panel. We'll just be painting it neutral then I've seen some wall decal stickers we like. We'll probably wait until we're matched before doing the stickers though just to be sure they feel right for our child.
We did buy a stokke changing table off ebay though which I was happy about as can be used as shelving as well if we don't need a change table.
Other than that I'm contenting myself with wish lists and window shopping and buying some books!


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## Lous mummy

Sounds a lot like me, I love to window shop, I spend so much time online looking at furniture, clothes, toys etc. I have so many ideas. I think i'll do the same, once the builders have finished just keep it neutral until I know more. 

My mum bought a paddington bear a couple of weeks ago, she tries not to get too excited but I know that she is.


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## becs40

I know, my mum is beyond excited. It's keeping us both happy though having a look round mothercare or kiddicare and looking at car seats etc and planning for when we can actually start to get things.
I've had so many years researching car seats, cots, high hairs and pushchairs etc online to finally be able to go and check them out in the shops feels great. Going to be even better when it's time to buy them!


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## RocketJ

Thank you all so much for tolerating a lurker like myself in your midst - I will try to post more regularly once I have something to post about! I love reading what you are all up to, especially the talk about buggies and decorating nurseries etc. Troodles, I hope you're feeling better, especially now you've got that first hs session under your belt.

I'm still waiting on my DBS (68 days and counting) but I've just had an email from my SW to say they have agreed to put me on the prep days without it, since I have one for my job (and I work for the same LA, so it's even in their name!). I can't believe it's taken them 2 months to reach that conclusion, but hopefully I will be able to get on the prep course at the end of August - whoop!


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## becs40

Ah rocket that's good news, what's the betting your DBS turns up now they've reached that conclusion! 
Here's hoping for a swift move forward with no more delays for you.


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## Troodles

Thank you ladies


Feeling lots better but still not right. Haven't been to work which worries me as I've only been there since The end of April and it's a small company run by religious people. Don't think they tolerate sickness!


Rocket that's crazy that your DBS is taking so long. What on earth are they playing at  Having been in the police for over 20 years I know how long (or not) they actually take to do!  Ridiculous!!


Hope you're having a lovely holiday Lorella. 


Becs adoption day sounds exciting. Our SW mentioned an activity day on 27 Sept but we don't have panel till November so seems a bit pointless. 


Haven't bought anything yet just can't do it but have been looking online for the first time. Was scared to during txs. Mum said to me the pother day that she saw a trampoline on sale in Asda and it got her thinking. Bless her lol
We drove past our local Kiddicare last week and I said to DH Oooh the holy grail, cannot wait to be able to take a look around. Found out yesterday that it's closing down and selling everything off cheap. Typical flipping timing!!!!!


We had a flood recently and the redecorating and repairs are starting this week so we've had to clear everything. Spare room is now empty and I keep going in and imagining it as a child's bedroom.  Could this really happen for us this time?


Lousmummy  hope you have a fab holiday. Just the thing before it all starts. 


Sorry if I've missed anyone. All my love to you all and good luck with whatever is happening this week. 
T x x x


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## buddy01

Hi everyone

Sounds very exciting for you all   We are going to our first info meeting on 3 Sept so really early days but it's a start!.

Jane xx


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## becs40

Hi Jane,
Welcome and good luck. There's loads of us on here at all sorts of stages!

Troodles sorry you're still not feeling great, hope you're fit and well soon!
I'll let you know about the adoption day but it might be worth you considering for the experience. We're at panel on 1st September so 4 weeks after the adoption day. Our sw did say if we did find a potential match then if she pulled her finger out we may be able to do approval and matching on the same day so don't rule it out.


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## Troodles

That's amazing Becs!!!!How exciting x


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## Jalops

Hello all. We are so far behind with our panel date :-( You are all looking at Sep/Oct. I feel sad that I DBS made us so far behind. 
Lets just home we wont be waiting months after for matching. We have our second and most important meeting next week - all about the age range and typ of children we want to adopt. 
We have our 2 week holiday in September - planing to buy a few bits if we get an idea of age from our SW.
Have a nice evening all xx


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## RocketJ

Hi Jalops - just wanted to say, I feel similarly about the DBS and the hold up. My LA won't assign me a stage 2 SW until it is back, so I have no idea when I might be looking at going to panel. But I think there will be a group of us going to panel a bit later, so we won't be alone and we'll have lots of people going before us to give advice etc.

Becs - I hope you enjoy the adoption day and look forward to hearing all about it!


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## Lorella

Becs and Troodles - having lovely time thanks. However I have decided that I am not going on holiday again until we have our LO. As the weeks gone on I've begun to feel a bit sad watching all of the families. So ready for that to be us    

Oh also Becs- I know someone who went to approval and matching on the same day. That would be amazing for you! 

LOs room is a blank canvas at the mo. We've been looking at stickers too and theres several we like. Been looking at furniture but not bought anything yet. LO does have a set of stacking cups ( first thing we've bought - couldn't resist and bought them day we got approved) and my sister bought a puppet! 

Xxx


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## becs40

Ah Lorella, enjoy your holiday and make the most of your adult time. You're so close now that all those lovely mummy dreams will soon be a reality.
I don't know whether it's the adoption day or because we're at panel in just over 4 weeks but I suddenly feel like we should be doing more in getting things organised. I'm itching to get the decorating done but telling myself to hold off. Really love some jungle animal decals I've seen but then if we're matched to a pink I think 
I would want it more girly. So for now book buying is my mission, I want them to have loads of lovely books. So far I've bought a box set of 25 ladybird Fairytale books, a set of animal fun story books, the very hungry caterpillar, the tiger that came to tea and a cd set of gruffalo stories and songs.


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## Troodles

Jalops and Rocket

Don't worry, we had a hold up too and our panel isn't until Nivember. Same as Forgetmenot. Hopefully you won't be far behind us x

Lorella and Becs. I'm just too scared to buy anything. Spare room has now been gutted and is being decorated next week. Nice neutral colour and been looking for stickers. A friend has some lovely jungle ones for her LOs playroom and they look fab. Keep thinking it's tempting fate buying anything. Wish I could just bite the bullet!

X x x


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## becs40

I was like you Troodles until about a week ago! Now we've finished home study and with panel looming I'm feeling more confident.
We did buy the stokke change table off ebay as I said it could be used as shelving if we didn't need a change table but I have left it at my mums. Think once we're beyond panel we will start getting bigger things.


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## Troodles

Think it's coz I still don't believe we'll ever be mummy and daddy. Having room decorated but telling myself it needs doing anyway. 


Hopefully I'll feel the same as you once our home study is over. Can't believe how quickly panel is coming round for you!! Xx


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## buddy01

Hi all

What does DBS stand for please?

Sorry!
Jane x


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## Troodles

Disclosure and barring service. Used to be CRB - criminal records bureau.


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## buddy01

Thank you 

Jane


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## becs40

Troodles you will definitely start to feel more positive as you get closer. I was exactly the same, couldn't believe years of bad luck would change for us. Kept thinking we would be one of the ones that didn't get approved because that's just how it is for us. I was so superstitious it was ridiculous.
Then the more we got through the more excitement and logic win over! I just sat and thought one day if it was about luck changing then there would be very few adoptive parents as the vast majority arrive at adoption because of fertility issues so they've all felt that they've had bad luck and yet their luck changes with adoption.
You'll soon see you'll be sitting on your hands soon to stop your online purchases creeping up. I still feel really weird going into baby shops though. It was funny last weekend DH went to test drive a couple of new cars as I'm having his (estate car) and mine is too girlie for him apparently! It felt odd to stand at the garage saying I was going to gave his car so he wanted a new one when we knew the reasons for the change but didn't feel able to say it was because we're adopting. It made me a little sad because if our family were coming to us through birth we'd have had no hesitations in saying it was because we were expecting. I guess a big part of it is because we don't know what age, how many or when so it's a difficult conversation!


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## Freedo

Hi all  sorry haven't caught up yet going to do some back reading now! Well training is complete , social worker met, she is lovely she was my friends social worker, two week today 1st home visit!! xxx


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## Troodles

Thanks Becs. 

Been off sick all week so have been window shopping online!! lol still gutted that Kiddicare is closing. 

I know what you mean. We had the decorator round earlier as he's starting the repairs to the flood damage. We asked him to paint the bigger spare room and then kind of felt we had to explain what for. DH said it's gonna be a nursery or toddlers room and he looked at me with a big smile and said oh congratulations!!  I suppose it was to be expected. Then it all got confusing with what colour room, when is it needed etc. poor bloke was getting uncomfortable bless him. 


Oooh exciting Freedo. Glad SW is nice. 

Xxx


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## StarryEyed

Hi everyone, hope you are all well and good luck all of those about to start Stage 2. If you want any advice I'd say be open and honest, because it's only by being honest that you'll get the right match.

I personally am needing a bit of a pick me up today. Spoke to the team manager on Monday (having waited by my phone all day), who said that she'd get this promised letter and my panel minutes out to me first class post on Tuesday. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Friday is here and still no letter. She told me to inform her when it arrived, so I rang to tell her that today it hasn't arrived just in case they have sent it and somehow my postman has been terribly inefficient. Her response was, she will check whether it has gone out and if not will get it posted although she is 'making no promises', which suggests it may not even have been sent yet! Just feels like I'm on a bit of a 'it can wait' pile. It's been seven weeks since my panel...

My SW now being back off holiday is working hard to sort out these counselling sessions I'm being offered however the specific counsellor they want me to see is also on annual leave so that's another month before anything can be sorted. It's getting harder to stay positive when everything seems to be conspiring against me. Part of me says they are investing in you so keep holding out, part says in seven weeks they can't even get a letter out how much do they really want you? Do I continue to wait and be messed around? Or do I start looking elsewhere? Confused!!!


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## becs40

Oh Starry  
Stay positive your tenacity will win out! It will count hugely in your favour by demonstrating patience and the courage to keep coming back and pushing it. These are all skills that will benefit your child in the long run and your next panel will reflect this I'm sure.


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## Forgetmenot

So sorry starry x the waiting is awful and when you feel things aren't going your way it's painful and frustrating x big hugs x

As for us, we have now officially started stage 2.  I met our new social worker for my first one to one and dh has his in just over a week, so we're on the ladder after a bumpy start!

I think our new sw will do her best for us.  Dh and I are away now so lots to chat about... I want to know more about concurrency, though still thinking siblings.  I worry I won't be able to give them what they need from me... Lots of things going through my head.

Starting online shopping wish lists... For different scenarios lol

Trying not to over think or get too excited.

Hope everyone is ok x FMN x


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## Laws1612

Hi all from the baking hot corfu my god is it hot out here....I've been here two days and I'm tanned already....amazing....

We are doing abit of homework from SW out here too ready for next Tuesday when were back and we are finished for stage two....hoping to have a closer date when we get back but will see keeping fingers crossed....gone past excitement now and reality is hitting then that soon I'm gonna be havin little people in my life that are mine to look after.....hubby and I are enjoying our time away but can't wait for our whole life's to change once little ones are here......

Becs how you doing? 

Troodles so sorry to hear your poorly everything always comes at once doesn't it.....
Forgetmenot we are looking at fta too so if you want any info I might be able to help.....

Hope everyone else is ok......look forward to hearing from you soon xxxx


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## becs40

Hi Laws, lucky you relaxing out there in Corfu! I'd love to do that sort of holiday before we have little ones but haven't been able to because of our dog so it's uk only.

We're just waiting for our report now from sw then panel is 4 weeks tomorrow. We had the adoption day yesterday and it was emotional. Didn't really hit until we were home as whilst we were there we were just playing with the children and chatting with the foster carers. We both were completely smitten with 1 child there and have expressed an interest but so have a lot of people so am trying garden to pug it to the back of my mind. Also expressed an interest in a profile we saw of a foster 2 adopt baby that is just over a month old. I don't know when we'll find out more though.
Concentrating on sorting the house out now to keep occupied and busy. I don't work Mondays so my mum is coming over tomorrow to help move things around and clear cupboards etc to make room for things. We also are having the nursery plastered next Monday ready to decorate so all moving quickly now hopefully.


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## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone is ok. Things are progressing , DH has received his DBS back, really quick, just waiting for mine. We are currently working on personal profile homework in readiness for 1st visit, I have writers cramp!! As we are going on hols on Tuesday we are having to get it done quick!! Good luck to everyone wherever we are xxx


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## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, hope you are all well.

Just wanted a ask a quick question. After the info meeting and you request to move forward, what will the next step be? Will it be a SW visit and fill in forms she gives us.

S


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## becs40

Hi Paula,
Do you meet an info evening? We went to an open evening and filled in a form to express an interest in moving forward. We then had a social worker come out to us and go through some general questions like finance, number of bedrooms, health, past etc. at the end of her visit she couldn't see any reason for us not to apply so left us all the forms to apply formally.


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## Macgyver

Troodles said:


> Thanks Becs.
> 
> Been off sick all week so have been window shopping online!! lol still gutted that Kiddicare is closing.


Hi troodles

Just to let you know kiddiecare are closing all but one store, then they are going to be an internet based shop, at least we will be able to do it online.

Hope you are feeling better xx


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## Lorella

Hi all! 
Am back from lovely holiday where spent a lot of time eyeing up people's buggies!
Think we have decided to go for the Oyster2 which looks good for us and DH really likes it! Bless him. He was really sweet comparing all the different models we saw on our walks!

While we were away we had an email saying our link had her placement and care order go through! Actually cried a bit!  Been so worried as been reading lots of things about placement orders slowing down and not being granted. So now we have our meeting with SWs this week and just got to really sell ourselves! We really want this LO    

Starryeyed-  . So frustrating for you Hun. I don't know what to suggest but if it was me I think I would be getting annoyed and confused too. 

Paulapumpkin - all LAs/VAs tend to do things differently. After our open day information event we emailed to say we were interested. Then they sent us an initial form to fill out - record of interest form. Then when this was accepted we started stage 1 - loads more forms. It wasn't until stage 2 that we met our SW for the first time  

Hi to everyone. Hope you are all ok? I hope it's still ok to post on here even though I am not 'starting' anymore? I just feel like this is my home and would like to still continue sharing my journey with you guys if that's ok. Maybe once we all have our LOs we can start a new thread....' Forever Mummies chit chat!'

Xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Love it lorrella.  I am sat in a rent in the rain!! 

Thank god for wifi 

Forever mummies sounds fab god willing xx


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## Lous mummy

Oh dear, massive sale at my local Kiddicare, I could have spent a fortune, had to physically stop myself! fell in love with a pushchair that was reduced by about 40%, if only I was a little further on in the process, I would have snapped their hands off! 
Hope everyone is well, i'm exhausted trying to finish the house but needs must! though its good to keep busy as the wait to start stage 2 is a long one (5 weeks 2 days)


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is well have our first day of prep tomorrow. So so nervous xx


----------



## becs40

Tw1nk82 good luck tomorrow although I'm sure you'll soon get into the swing of it. My advice is just to get stuck in. You'll meet fellow adopters at the same stage which is nice as well.


----------



## teamug

Hi all, hope you are all doing well, we finally got our PAR yesterday - that was emotional reading all about our lives and all 56 pages of it ! was written well though, now count down to panel two weeks tomorrow !!  I am so nervous.

Tw1nk82 - prep group was great it really feels like its all happening once you've been and its great to meet other adopters

Lorella - You have to stay we are like family now, would miss you if you left 

Sorry not many personals have a good week everyone  xx


----------



## Freedo

Twink you will be fine, we finished it last week really enjoyed it xx


----------



## Troodles

Thank you for the well wishes everyone. 


Laws hope you're having a great time and Lorella glad you had a good one and so pleased about your LO.Yes you must stay with us and share all your news and tips!


Thanks McGyver but not as much fun shopping  online. Kiddicare opened 2 mins from our house a couple of years ago and obviously we've not been in there. Just gutted that by the time we're ready to shop it'll be gone!  Typical. 


Becs how did the house clearing go?


Paula our LA gave us the ROI forms at our info evening but we had to wait 3 months before sending them in due to last tx. 


Forgetmenot hope you're having a nice (wet) break!!


Know how you feel Lousmummy. Gots lots of work going on in house at the mo 


Good luck tomorrow Twink. I'm excited about ours but not till September. 


Wow Teabag (lol) I can't imagine what reading your PAR is like!! 2 weeks to panel?? Wowser. 


We had our second hv today. Seemed to go well but you can't tell can you. Week off next week as SW on holiday then 6 more visits. 


Big hugs to all and any I've missed. 


T x x x


----------



## becs40

Hi Troodles, had a very productive day although on the surface doesn't look it as was all clearing stuff from cupboards etc! Still I now have an empty airing cupboard in the nursery which I plan to have those fabric storage boxes in there for clothes and bedding etc. also have an empty drawer in the kitchen for baby stuff ( we have drawers instead of cupboards so it's a massive 80cm one!), cleared out a large sideboard cupboard in the conservatory to put on ebay to make room for some proper toy storage, that in turn meant clearing out another cupboard in the living room to put all that in. Good job the bin men came today as I started with an empty bin, not so good we now have a full one for a fortnight! 😀
Teamug 2 weeks! I'm bad enough at 4 weeks today so can only imagine how you must be feeling.
Macgyver it's typical that everyone else is benefiting from the big clearance sales at kiddicare but I live 5 minutes from the one they're keeping! Not impressed at how many brands they've stopped selling though as most of what I had picked out they no longer do, cot, pushchair and car seat!


----------



## Lous mummy

Twink, I loved the first lot of prep days, so much fun, and informative, we had quite a few adopters there to give us advice and some foster carers too. I felt so much better after it and a lot more prepared.  Good luck! 

Teamug, I'm really looking forward to reading my PAR! It must feel good knowing that's the end product of all your hard work!


----------



## Troodles

Well done Becs. Our nursery was plastered today and being painted at weekend. Got rid of double bed and fitted wardrobes. Feels weird but great not to have a guest room now. Will get a futon for small 3rd bedroom.


----------



## RocketJ

Troodles and Becs, that must be exciting to be getting the rooms in order; and something to focus on as you get closer to panel I guess!

I know I'm still a long way off, but recently a few things (stair gates, cot bed) have come up on a group we have in my church that is a bit like freecycle. I want to make as many savings as I can so I can stay off work for as long as possible, so I've been requesting them, but in an undercover way as I don't want to be telling everyone that I'm adopting yet! It makes it all seem more real though to have a few bits about.

Twink - I hope your prep day goes well. I am finally booked on to mine for the end of August, so at last things are moving again! In the usual way of things, within a few days of the LA deciding I could go ahead without my DBS, the online tracking now says it has been dispatched  

Lorella, so glad you're sticking around! You're the group guru who can tell us all what to expect   and we will all want to hear about your family!!


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh my. All this talk of buying stuff makes it sound so real!!! I am so tempted sometimes to get the odd book or puzzle but am holding out lol. I already have a few nice kids books from years of nannying so have a kind of start lol. We have them on tall bookcases in the spare room so am imagining they won't pass the test when we have the home assessment lol. Have had a few arguments with Dh about rooms. We have 2 spare rooms, a double guest one and a smaller single room. We would love siblings so will either use the 2 rooms or put both of them together in the bigger room if that's what's they want. However we have friends stay about 4 times a year, friends of DH's from his uni days. They are ok but not my cup of tea especially the wife lol. Anyways DH sometimes appears to me to be putting them before our child's room. He talked at one point about leaving the double bed so at least there is somewhere for our friends to sleep. He even talked about if it was a younger child and still in a cot just fitting the cot by the side of the double bed!!! I have wanted to decorate rooms for my kids for soooooo long it's not funny. I told him in no uncertain terms that the children will not be sleeping in the guest bedroom, it will be their bedroom, they will have their own bed and if we can't have guests to stay we can't have guests to stay!! Sometimes he makes me think his friends are more important where as I couldn't care whether they stay or not. My friends never stay over!! Anyways I have suggested other alternatives if it is so important to him like buying a new sofa that has a bed in it etc. I think he's got the message lol!!

Anyways exciting news about upcoming panels etc. it's all coming around so quickly. I'm sure u will be fine. 

Lorella don't u be going anywhere!!! I love the idea of a mummy chat thread. I never thought I would be able to 'upgrade' to the pregnancy boards but now hopefully we will all move onto that. I have no doubt we all will. It's such a fab little group I love it!!

Well trying not to get wound up over references lol. They are obviously sending out references to everyone of the addresses I gave them for my 24yrs worth of nannying!! I only know cus I do still see a lady I nannied for 15yrs ago and she had one!!! I am doing a couple of days over the holidays for some kids I used to nanny for and the mom showed me the one she got. It basically said I had applied to adopt and could they state how I was working with their children and would they deem me safe to look after my own child   I got a little wound up about it cus I know they have to check but how do they check all the people who don't have experience with kids? How do they know a child will be safe?!!! I am trying to think of it as a good thing that there isn't anyone who could write a bad thing as all my written references are exemplary except the last one I left. She couldn't believe I handed my notice in and then was really horrible to me and wouldn't write a reference even after a year!! She had had 2 nannies since then and has been equally horrible to them when they left. I don't know what she would do. Maybe she won't return it? My care of the kids was excellent they were just very difficult to work for. I really don't appreciate them all getting a letter asking them if I am suitable to have a child when a lot of the people I worked for hired me cus they couldn't be bothered to be with their children!!!! Also 24yrs goes back to when I was like a teenager how can that reflect on me now being an over 40yr old woman!! Just annoyed all these people need to know what I am doing in my personal life!!

Anyways sorry rant over. Trying to tell myself it needs to be done there is no reason for it all not to be fine. SW phoned us on weekend to say we also need a reference from someone from our Taekwon do association because we teach kids Taekwon do!! Even tho no one sees us do it but had to ask our Grandmaster if he would write us a reference!!

Ok enough or I will start to work myself up again    Good luck those of you on prep courses. I found them really interesting.


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey lovely ladies,

It's great to see you all getting so excited, hopefully I'll be able to join you all at some point in the not tooooo... distant future, although I do think it may be some time.

Well I finally received my letter and panel minutes!   A full 7 weeks later... They aren't particularly complementary but then I really didn't expect them to be. Even better when you realise one of the members had no say because they didn't even read the papers   However I do finally feel like there has been some closure on that part of the process and we can now move forward and address some of the issues. It appears the chair was particularly scathing and I can't say I'm too impressed with the statement that I need more time to reflect on my past experience... I'm not sure how much more reflection you can do after a workbook in excess of 70 pages   It does explaining the request for counselling though. As I expected age and singleness are issues. So off I go to prove my emotional and physical stability and that being young and single doesn't mean I lack self-awareness or that I am thoughtless in my decisions. That amongst clearing out my garden and spending time with my nieces and nephew.


----------



## Lorella

Hi lovely ladies! 
Well that's brilliant then. We will all just stay on here when we get our BFY's and continue supporting each other like a family! I love it!  

DH and I went to Babiesrus yesterday to look at furniture etc. It's fun getting to know what sort of stuff is out there. Anyway while there I saw the Tomy Talking Photo Album for sale. I don't know if any of you saw a previous post but I thought it had been discontinued! So I snapped it up. I have added it to the stacking cups, puppet and book about being creative with your child that my friend got me. Things beginning to pile up..... Exciting!
Have also been looking online at furniture. Think that's the way we will prob go. 
Meeting on Friday so have to have the house spotless as got my SW, child's SW and family finder coming.... Nervous to have 3 SW in the house! Going to go through CPR and write down any questions we need to ask. Hope so much we come across well  

Forgetmenot - a tent in the rain oh dear. Hope you get some sunshine 🌞

TWink - how was prep?

Teamug - I am sooooooo excited for you! 2 weeks! You will be absolutely fine. Easy to say now but try not to be nervous. I had some rescue remedy which helped me ( although tasted slightly of whiskey so had to mask smell with a mint)! X

Troodles - glad the home visits are going well x

RocketJ - love your undercoverness. Go for it I say! 

Loki Girl - I understand what you are saying. The way I look at it is when we were young we never had any spare rooms for guests and neither did any of my friends. There was just mummy and daddy's room and rooms for the kids. That's the way it should be for us.... What we've dreamt of    You rant away Hun. That's sounds crazy about all those references I have to say. I know they do it for a reason and has to be done but I do feel that there is an imbalance somewhere. My DH has very little experience with children and had the normal 3 referees. Then you have loads of experience but have to give a zillion! It will be worth it and I am sure you will get loads of glowing references x

Starryeyed - good news you've got your letter. You sound so determined and I really respect you for that. You can do it! We won't be going anywhere and will be supporting you through your journey whatever x

Hi to everyone else

Love Lorella xxx

Ps. I have also ordered a fire blanket and family first aid kit!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Morning ladies. The first day of prep was fab but we were so tired last night. We have met some lovely people and it is nice to talk through things. Cant wait for today. Hope everyone has a lovely day xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Go twinks! Have a fab second day x


----------



## Petite One

Morning all.

Just wanted to give some tips on the prep groups. I don't know how much paperwork you get at each one, but it may be worth keeping a note of what you learnt, unless you're good at remembering it of course.   It can help when you may be asked later what you thought about the prep groups.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all.....

Soaking up the sun in Greece for the remaining couple of days.....were in an adults only hotel and I must say not hearing the laughter of children is strange......I have enjoyed holiday but both hubby and I have said hope we are so done with couples holiday and can't wait to be able to come away with our lo's and do all the children things....
This thread is defo getting busy again it's so lovely reading what everyone is getting on with.....
Lorella of course you are part of this thread we will be moving up to the top of the table with you very shortly....you need to do some super cleaning that day haha? .....

Forgetmenot how are you getting on?? How are all the friends taking the news? 

Twinkl I'm glad your enjoying it I looked forward to everyday and it was lovely to chat to people how understood xxx

Troodles you are busy and how exciting is it our room is painted and I can't wait to start putting things in there....what are you doing for??

Starry eyed I think it's terrible that as long as you are older than 21 you can adopt however there commenting on that and the fact your single which is also something there pushing for....I really hope your back in the game before you know it....

Becs how long is left now .... Have a missed a comment somewhere do you par? How does it read??
Sorry if I've missed anyone....hope everyone is doing well...lookin forward to many more updates xxx lots of love laws xxx


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## becs40

Hi Laws, 
No par yet as sw has been delayed interviewing 1 of our referees. She's doing that tomorrow so should have par next week as need to agree it before it goes out. Still at panel on 1st sept so shouldn't be too long.


----------



## Lorella

Just a quickie to say I have spent the whole day cleaning the house from top to bottom!  
I hope they look in the cupboards that's all I can say. 
Getting bit nervous about tomorrow's meeting with potential little pinks SW and FF but trying to get as prepared as possible.
 xxx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - impressed with all the cleaning! Good luck for tomorrow, sure it will be all fine. Can't wait to hear how you get on.


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey ladies,  hope no one minds if a tag along.. 
Me and hubby are only just starting out and can't put an official application in for a few more months but its lovely to see how positive everyone is. .
We have our first initial interview on Monday 11aug with a voluntary adoption agency and an information evening with our local authority later that day. .
Were sooooooo excited...
Any advice would be grateful received. . Were so nervous!!!
Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely summer x


----------



## Petite One

Lorella good luck.  Here's a thread that may help for the meeting.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=323270.0

Ozzycat do lots of reading if you can. There's lots of threads on here that you could read. Good luck.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Petite One that's really helpful  

Welcome Ozzycat. How exciting for you! Good luck with your interview and enjoy the info evening. It was after our open day that we went to last November that we both practically came skipping out knowing this was what we wanted to do! Now we are approved! Good luck on your journey xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi guys.... Stuck in a tent still.... Still in the rain!!

Welcome newbies, lovely to have you along for the ride, and some big days ahead for others.... Yikes!! Good luck xx

Can I ask, what you all included on an amenities map? Or a thread that lists things I need? 

Thanks xx


----------



## notgivingup

Evening all

Sorry I've not been around for a while - I try to read posts but don't always get chance to post!

Lorella - please stay on this thread and be our adoption mummy guru! Best of luck for tomorrow - I'm sure your house is now spotless! Really hope it goes well for you.

Twink, glad prep is going well - I really enjoyed it and learnt so much despite having read loads of stuff but felt like it was real and not just something we were still talking about.

Rocketj & Jalops - I reckon we'll all be part of a second bunch of panels on this thread as a result of DBS  

Troodles - hope you are feeling better and the flood damage is being sorted. It's unbelievable the damage a flood can do  

Starry eyed -you have shown amazing patience and resilience.  I so hope things work out for you and you work through this stormy patch to be an amazingly strong parent.  

Laws - enjoy Corfu! Soak up that sun in peace cause you might not have the chance again! 

Teamug - woah it's so close now!! Good luck for panel!!! 

Forgetmenot - hope your tent isn't too soggy! Where have you been to be so unlucky to have rain? 

Welcome ozzycat - hope you have a smooth journey to adoption. There's loads of info on this thread which will hopefully be helpful of you. 

Beck - hope the PAR reads well and reflects you.  I can't imagine what ours will be like - isn't it odd to think someone has to analyse you and write you up on paper!?! 

Think that's most people covered - sorry if I've missed anyone! 

As for us, we are finally onto stage 2, all HS sessions booked and looking like panel will be December unless we can squeeze into November, but as we are away for 2 weeks and our sw is away for 3, it's unlikely.  As long it's we can get it done by Xmas I'll be v happy with that.  Slowly wading our way through sorting the house out to clear cupboards and keep rooms free of clutter ready to be changed for whoever comes our way.  We are still very undecided on how many and ages which means planning is even more difficult.  There are 2 spare bedrooms available so hopefully at least one will be occupied in the near future.  
For those of you who have been through stage 2, can you give any advice on ASI? I have mine next week and would like to be prepared! 

Hope everyone is ok
Xx


----------



## becs40

Hi Lorella, couldn't get on this am so just a quickie at lunch to say hope all has either gone well or goes well for you today!


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## Lorella

Thanks ladies!
So excited! Meeting went really well. We are matched to 6 month old pink! 
Got to wait till official matching meeting in couple of weeks but they said should all be fine  

Already got meeting with FC next week!

She is gorgeous and just perfect xxx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - that is fantastic news! So pleased for you.


----------



## notgivingup

Wow Lorella - congratulations! You must be over the moon!  Make the most if lie ins from now on! X


----------



## becs40

Wow fabulous news Lorella! You have to stick around for sure so we can follow in your footsteps and gain the tips and advice from you. So quick for you too, absolutely brilliant news. 
I'm sitting here dreading the weekend now as we have to write our profile pic and enclose a recent pic of ourselves, not sure which is worse given I absolutely loathe having my photo taken!


----------



## Petite One

Great news Lorella.   Now you can enjoy the weekend.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies. Great news on stage 2 Notgivingup x

Thought I'd update panel zone! Not long till Teamugs up!

Mummies to be

Lorella 

Panel zone 

August 19th - Teamug
September 1st - Becs
September 24th - Laws
October 15th - Primmer
December 3rd - Jalopy

December
Notgivingup 

TBC
Forgetmenot
Troodles
Lous mummy
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Twink
Freedo
RocketJ

Let me know if you want to be added
Xxx


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## Loki Girl

Just a quickie to say Lorella huge congratulations on your little pink. You must be so over the moon and can't wait to see that list of mummy's to be growing


----------



## Forgetmenot

Omg x amazing!! So happy for you xx


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations lorella so exciting   xx


----------



## Troodles

Fanbloodytastic Lorella. So so happy for you  

We have panel on 12 November next time you update list xx

Can't wait to hear all about your gorgeous little pink xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Morning everyone, hope everyone is well.

Congratulations Lorella!

Just a quick update from me, completed interest form so will have meeting within. 5 working days. Prep course dates in Sep but it maybe full so next dates would be Nov.

Both of us felt excited and comfortable with moving forward with adoption. Hope to get through stage 1 now.

Have a great weekend 

X


----------



## teamug

Good morning all

Sorry so much happening with everyone and no time to read through all of your updates, good luck to everyone.

Great news Lorella how very exciting X

Just over a week for our panel now, read and signed off our PAR wow that was hard reading very emotional - 56 pages !!very nervous now, goodness knows what we will be like on the day.

Have a good weekend everyone x


----------



## Loki Girl

Ooh fab to hear the ball is rolling for you Paula. We had to wait for our prep course too as we had just missed the April one but in all honestly it was a good thing for me because it meant by the time it came round I felt really ready to take on the adoption journey. In the meantime do some reading to fill in the time. 

Teamug - fab news. I couldn't even imagine reading 56 pages of how a practical stranger perceives us!!!! Guess our turn will come. Anyways best of luck I'm sure it will all be fine. Will wait for your update  

Hope everyone is doing ok. Some fab news on here and welcome to our new people


----------



## Lorella

Thanks everyone. Just been and bought nursery bedding set. Love it!

Teamug - you will be great. Just remember they don't take you to panel unless 99% sure you will be approved. You will be brilliant!

Here is our panel experience. Hope it helps:

Panel was at 3pm. We both had morning off so mooched about a bit trying to pass time ( had some rescue remedy that helped!). 
Got to the hotel ( they were hiring a room) at 2.40. Our SW got there 2.45. Felt very surreal. Talked about possible questions and SW put mind at ease a bit. Had a weird mixture of nerves/excitement. Hard to explain. 
At 3 chair came out. Very nice lady. Got down to our level ( we were sitting) and really calmly went through procedure. She said everyone would introduce themselves, then said there were some great things about PAR would talk about, and then there would be 3 questions. She told us what they would be there and then which was good as crossed others off the list in my head,  didn't need to worry about!
Then led to room. Think we had about 8 panel members sat around big rectangular set up of tables. She did exactly as she said she would. There were no questions directed straight at me or DH. We could answer as we liked. That was really great as I find it hard to get my words out so DH started and then I finished off. They asked the questions that were all general ones. None related to our PAR as they said it was so thorough they didn't need to ask anything! We were prob in there about 20 mins, although our SW said we'd prob be in there 45. 
Then we were led to another room where told to wait for answer. DH wanted to high five me as he felt we were def through but I wanted to wait for actual words. Worst bit was waiting for them! Seemed like an age but must of only been waiting 10 mins. You don't normally have to wait that long I don't think, but they wanted clarification on something from SW. Then the chair and another of panel members came back and said approved!!

I totally over prepared by going through all of PAR and highlighting possible parts they might ask questions etc. DH didnt do anything but he knew I needed to do it for peace of mind. 

I was very pleased with whole experience. It was nothing at all to worry about. All panel members made us feel really at ease. They were very friendly. I am with LA so don't know if VAs have a different process. 

You will all be brilliant!! Xxx


----------



## becs40

Well done Paula things will start to move quickly now for you. Good luck.
Teamug I can't imagine how nervous you feel. I'm bad enough already and ours is another 3 weeks! Reading our par is one of the things I'm most dreading to be honest as I just really feel it's not going to be us. Another of my worst nightmares today was having to have our picture done to put with our own brief statement (statement was hard enough), but there is nothing I hate more than having my picture taken. Still it's done now. 
Spare room being plastered on Monday and I've been busy painting a stokke change table I bought on ebay and it's looking lovely. My mum is a bit down at the mo as she's stuck at home on her own everyday at the mo as my dad is working full time at the mo. So I said we'd take a trip out on Monday to precious little ones in Grantham as they have the buggy and car seat etc I'm interested in. So we can go and have a look and make the decision for definite so it's ready to order when we want them. It will cheer her up immensely as she's so looking forward to another grandchild.
Lorella thanks for the panel info. Our sw said we'd probably only be in there 10-15 minutes as each applicant is scheduled for an hour but that includes their chat with each other before we go in and then their deliberation etc after we've been in.
I bet you're in heaven at the moment getting everything ready, on cloud nine! 
Have you told friends and family about the match yet or are you waiting until panel? Just wondered if you had what their reactions have been?
Its one of the things I'm finding a bit emotional at the mo (probably because there have been a couple if new babies in my work circle of friends). I've seen them having baby showers and everyone getting excited and involved then obviously the inevitable new baby pics on ******** with hundreds of congrats cards and pressies and comments etc. I can't help thinking it will be so different when we're matched with our lo and it makes me feel a bit sad, not only from my point of view of missing out on those things but also for lo as in is this the way if will always be for them. Nothing ever being quite normal. My friends and family are hugely excited for us and genuinely really pleased but I still think they won't see it the same way as us bringing a birth child home.


----------



## notgivingup

Hi everyone, can anyone give me an idea of things asked during attachment style interview please?


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becs really interesting you have expressed that.  I feel the same... and how to deal with those feelings.

For example, was offered from mil a pushchair and in fact awhile ago my mum a cot.  I was so upset.... Why isn't my lo entitled to the 'new cot, prams' the other nieces and nephews had.  It should just be as exciting and special, and I wanted to have the fun and excitement, and each granny buying one of those like they have done for ALL our other siblings.  I know I am over sensitive... But, I do have similar feelings.

I know everyone means well... But I hope they don't always feel like you have mentioned.  I am sure a lot is to do with how you are.

Anyway quick blurrrrrrgh!!


----------



## becs40

Notgivingup, sorry I can't offer any advice as I wasn't aware of having a specific  attachment style interview as it was just part and parcel of our normal home study sessions.
Forgetmenot that's exactly what I'm talking about! My mum was really put out that she got pushed aside when my nephews were born because both sets of my sister in laws grandparents were alive. So between them and her parents there was nothing "significant" left for my mum to buy. Consequently it was always something she'd talked enthusiastically about doing when we had a baby. Now we're adopting although she is beyond excited there has been no mention of her wanting to buy anything like the cot etc.
I have bought a secondhand stokke change table on ebay but only because I really wanted it to match a stokke cot that I want and couldn't justify the price of it new for just a change table. Whether she's taken this as a sign I'm happy for everything to be secondhand I don't know. I'm not bothered financially as we can afford to get the things we want without assistance but it's the change in attitude that's kind of upset me, probably because it's more on a subconscious level and she doesn't even realise she's doing it.


----------



## Forgetmenot

I know how you feel... I think they just don't understand....
We are super sensitive.... It's been a long road to this point, we just want it to be special.... And I guess still hanker after certain things we are never going to have.  I think that's why I was so upset when mum told family we were adopting.... Out of excitement... But that's the announcement gone... So there are things we will miss out on, it will be different, but none less special.  I have to work on these feelings xx
Secondhand is fine, don't get me wrong, just want them to be as excited as we are.
Random waffle!
I still can't wait though to bring my lo home and that first night... And watch then sleep x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Also, dh has his individual meeting on Monday.  He went out for mine, is that the rule, or ok to be around?

I wanted to stay to ask a few bits, dh could do this, but men never remember the details, so wanted to myself, but didn't want to come across as clingy etc!!

Over analysing!!


----------



## teamug

Evening All

Our wedding anniversary today so been out for a lovely meal where we got married last year 

Hope you've all had a good evening, thanks for the good wishes for our panel and many thanks Lorella on your panel experience, at least ours is at 10am so we won't have time to worry to much before hand I guess. I do hope you are right about them being 99% sure 

Forgetmenot - we had to go to the office separately for our individual meetings my DH in the morning and mine was the afternoon. 

Our SW has done well and she has got to know us very well, it's very weird (like you say Loki) reading all about your whole life from someone you've only known a few months. There is some very emotional bits in ours reference my birth son and the relationship with him, I moved out of the family home when he was 6 and he stayed with his Dad, but I still saw him every day until he was 16 and got his own motorbike and started college. Since then he has stayed with me every Tuesday & Friday night and still does to this day now 19 and working full time, he makes me a very proud mum but they see me as a bad mum because I left him with his Dad, but it was the best thing for him as I worked nights at the time and I didn't want him to sleep in a different house to where he lived. If I had him live with me I would have had to give up work and probably live on benefits and have to fight his dad In court for custody, I couldn't do that to him and did what was best for him and not me it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Think this may be held against me   

Very very hard to go back over this ground again be made to feel like a bad mum. My son loves me and I have always been here for him I went to every event & parent evening at school and he has had a good life and grown into an a amazing young man, Just hope the panel see that I did the best for him and I'm not a bad mum.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hugs tea mugs x sounds like you made the ultimate sacrifice for your little boy.... Whose now a confident and loving adult.  I would say you and your ex did well by your son.  They can't hold that against you.

People make judgements and that's had to overcome, but you did the right thing and put someone else's feelings and needs above your own.

Xxx


----------



## becs40

I think it's incredibly brave to put your child first like that despite how much it must have hurt you and I'm sure they'll see that. Particularly as you have a good relationship with him, that in itself speaks volumes about the situation.

Forgetmenot ours were done at home and we were both here but the other just went upstairs during the session.


----------



## teamug

Thanks guys, I do hope they see it like that x


----------



## Jalops

Hello all, 
well sadly I think our adoption dream may be over. I made the mistake in our second session of being brutally truthful by saying I still would like to try for a baby, natually or but likely a donor cycle of ivf. Are SW has said its likely we cant move forward as I am not allowed to think that way. I really wasn't aware you cant have a baby, natually or with IVF after adoption. I understand the break between ivf and adotption, but knowone said its not allowed ever again. We are deverstated. All the hard work, preparing us, friends and family, time off, courses. We are broken.  We were so excited and I feel very sad, I should have lied. 
Good luck to all of you - 
J xx


----------



## RocketJ

Hi Jalops,
I'm not really sure that there is anything I could say to make this any easier for you, but wanted to let you know I'd read your post and felt your pain. It seems as though even the remote thought or possibility of having birth children post adoption is this peculiar secret that none of us is supposed to speak out loud. I know in my situation a similar taboo exists around the concept of being in a relationship in the future. Perhaps you could discuss it your SW and emphasise the 'of course any decisions we make in the future will be made considering our adopted child's best interests as our #1 priority' line?

Hoping that there is a way forward for you,

RocketJ xx


----------



## becs40

Hi Jalops,

I wonder if your sw has misunderstood you and not realised you meant in the future. I wonder if she thought you meant you were thinking of doing this alongside the adoption process?
I can't see why you couldn't try in the future but maybe they're seeing it as you're not going to be satisfied by adoption and therefore have not come to terms with infertility. They are really firm about you wanting to adopt for the right reasons and I guess you saying you're still going to try for a birth child makes them question whether it's right for you.


----------



## Jalops

I made a terrible mistake saying I would like to try for a sibling one day. I made a serious life changing mistake. Unfortunately they believe I'm still not done with ivf and I need to keep trying. All we wanted was to give a child a chance in  life. We have no more emotional capacity to go through ivf again. I'm not sure our marriage will now survive this. 
We were so ready. 
Thanks ladies xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

I am sorry that this has caused you so much pain but I think I can understand what the concern is. Adoption is a life changing event. Sometimes children who are adopted turn out to have needs and difficulties which mean that a parent might never be able to return to work, the family cannot have holidays for the foreseeable future, that child will have difficulties attaining independence in adult life and that adding another child to the family is out of the question for them. If you adopt a child who turns out to have that level of need you may not have the time, finances or the emotional resources for IVF treatment. Nor might your adoptive child be able to cope with you getting pregnant. In addition, that child will require complete commitment from you and I think I can appreciate why a sw might question whether you are ready for that commitment if you are still harbouring a desire for biological children.

You also say that they think you are not done with IVF and you need to keep trying but you suggest they are wrong as you have no more emotional capacity for that but a couple of posts ago you said you might want to try IVF in the future. That suggests to me, and I think may suggest to your SW that your emotions are still quite confused, which is fine; this process takes a lot out of everyone and you deserve the time to get over it. Until you are, you are not ready for the adoption process. I also think, although others may disagree, that in order to be ready for adoption you need to have put to rest the idea of having biological children and grieve for that loss. I do understand why sws are not happy with the idea of your adopting and planning to try to get pregnant in the future. I do think they might see this as adoption being "second best" to having a biological child, particularly when you say you want to "give a child a chance". Sws hate any suggestion of adopters seeing themselves as "saviours". Particularly if it is coupled with a desire to have a biological child, can you see they might be concerned that you would see having a biological child as your "real child" and adoption as a bit of a stop gap until then?

Please don't think I am saying that you do see adoption as second best or anything like that. Nothing I have said was intended as an attack, I am just trying to put to you the concerns sws might have and the challenges you are going to face if this is the path you are going to pursue. If you think you can make it work, are ready and are doing it for the right reasons then you should go ahead but be aware you are going to face an uphill battle.

You also mention that your marriage will not survive this. I am sorry you have been through such a tough time, but set backs happen in adoption. A lot. If you are not fairly solid going in then there is a chance you will not survive it. Even with us, where the process was fairly smooth, it got very tough at times.

I really hope you can take the time I think you might need to look after yourself, grieve and work out the best thing for you both. When you have been through that process, best of luck with your decision xxx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi jalops


When we were going through the adoption process we were asked about conterception even tho I have less than 1% chance of getting pregnant and a very high chance of mc.
But the sw needed to make sure we were 100% on board with adoption.
I know other adopters who have had natural bc after adoption (miracle pregnancys) so having a bc after you adopt is not taboo.
But as bg said the sw needs to know adoption is not a second choice and you are going to be totally focused on your new child and not thinking the child is a stop gap until your bc arrives. (Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't want it to be)
Maybe ask if you can talk to the sw again and explain that you are committed but were thinking a way down the line to add number two to your family.
We all dream of our own bc, but sometimes we have to accept that we won't have a bc but a very special child instead. Xx


----------



## Lorella

Jalops  
I have PM'd you Hun xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Jalops , I was so sorry to read your post. Words just fail me. It's just too cruel after everything you have been through. Is there no talking to her? Could you have a word with her manager of anything? I just can't believe they could say that is that after everything that you have done so far. I am just hoping and praying that something can be done. 

Hang in there Hun


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all......

back from greece with a nice tan and ready to get stuck in....last visit woth sw tomoro hoping for a date for earlier panel and info regrading what is next.....

Jalops.....im so sorry to hear you news I hope you can get over this and move on maybe to another agency if needed.....

girlies I hope everythin is ticking away with you all....the talk of painting rooms is just so nice to hear....cant wait for us all to be approved....
looking forward to hearing from you all with updates xx


----------



## becs40

Well the spare room is re plastered and should be ok for decorating at the weekend. Had a nice trip out this am with my mum checking out pushchairs and car seats then back home to do some more painting of the change table I bought.
We should get our Par tomorrow and I'm so nervous, I feel sick even thinking about it. This time in 3 weeks it will all be over! The place we went to today had the pushchair I want in last years colours at a really good price, in fact they did a travel package of car seat, carrycot (also a car seat) and the pushchair for £90 more than just the pushchair in this years colours. So DH and I said tonight if all goes well at panel and this place still has them at that price we'll get it. Definitely Won't use the car seat so can put that on ebay and the carrycot will depend on whether we do foster to adopt, again if not that can go on ebay too. Should get £200-£250 for those so that makes it a really good deal. Plus last years model has a removable insert in the pushchair which is nice for younger ones and isn't on this years model.


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Can anyone explain foster to adopt?

X


----------



## Laws1612

Morning paula.....foster to adopt is a fairly new process...the idea is that when it is up amd running fully it will give childern continuity of care and will stop childern being moved from foster carer to foster carer. It mainly applies to babies and much younger childern youpdo the same process in regards to home study and prep group and panel but you are approved as a foster care r you can be dual approved so as a foster carer and  may also be adopter.
A baby would be placed with you sometimes straight from.hospital under fostering regulations. Thechildern would have contact with birth parents each case is different but about three times a week. While this is being done social workers are putting a case together against parents to prove they are unfit to care for childern or in very small cases the birth parents buckoup there ideas and the baby can be placed back home...other relatives may also be considered if they are suitable. You are unable to work during this process which can take up to 8 months max or shorter depending on situation you are paid foster carer wage around 120 a week depending on local authority. Once adoption is decided by court and social worker you will be officially matched with child and complete normal adoption paperwork to make child officially yours.
this is  then when the child is legally yours birth parent contact will stop and adoption leave can be talen.
Hope that explains it in a nut shell....this is tje process we are going for however therr is such a  small amount pf people going for due to needing to be off work unpaid for a reasonable amount of time and work places and financially being able to. Next year they are hoping because of how popular it is becoming it will be given normal adoption leave sttaight away. Any more info you want let me know xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Morning ladies,  well we had a really exciting day yesterday.. we had our initial interview with our VA and even tho our 6month wait isnt over yet they would be happy to take us on and get the ball rolling. 

Then in the evening we went to the information evening for our LA and I loved them.
They were so passionate about their job and they talked all about the support groups and adoption toddler mornings and coffee meet ups they hold every week,  sounds silly but knowing id have all that support was really reassuring.  

We skipped out of their,  completed the expression of interest form and now we just have to call our references,  confirm they would be happy to work with us then we can start the ball rolling as they also said they would take us on before the 6month wait is over.. so a great,  really positive day...

Now just to decide between VA and LA
Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Ozzycat - fab news. I felt the same too. It's fab when the next stage is so exciting. Means we have def moved on and are ready to get our forever family. My feelings over a VA to a LA and I may be completely and utterly wrong here but I thought a VA had the harder to place children with issues and disabilities? Like I say could be me got it completely wrong and if I have then someone say so I won't be offended lol  

I have just realised that they were expecting us to attend the stage 2 prep course on Aug 28th. That's like just over 2 weeks away!!! We haven't heard anything so don't know if required forms are back but that is scarily close     It seems to of gone so quick. Would they take us on the course if they haven't got everything back? I'm not convinced. Guess will have to wait and see!!

Becs can't believe how close you are. 3 weeks!!!! How exciting to be looking at buggies etc. can't wait for that to be us   fingers crossed lol!!

Laws hope it goes well today and u get that earlier panel date. Can't wait to get mine to add it to the list   

Jalops how are u Hun? Been thinking of you both  

Hope everyone hasn't been too rained out. Drainage on our farm is terrible, the last 2 times we have had flash floods I have been trying to move animals out of pens and trying to deal with visitors who in the middle of all this will be moaning cus they can't feed the animals    Lol. I am nannying today and tomorrow so going to take the kids bowling and lunch  

Have a good week everyone


----------



## becs40

Paula, I think the biggest issue with foster to adopt is the uncertainty. It's a huge risk to take. They are only placing children that are highly likely to go on to have an adoption order made on them. There is still a chance though that the child could be returned to the birth parents and obviously that would be devastating for you as a potential adoptive parent so you need to be very certain of how you would cope if that happened. It's not something to be entered into lightly.
Also social services will be doing everything they can to help the birth parents keep the child rather than make a case against them. The best scenario for any child is to remain with the birth parent/a if they can look after the child and it is not at risk.


----------



## becs40

Well done Ozzy that's great news, very exciting for you. Our LA were happy to take us within that time frame too and we were also more impressed by them than the va. Good luck.


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey everyone, sorry I've been MIA for a little bit I've been doing the doting aunty. I've had my nephew and niece to stay and then my cousins 6mth old grandson for the night. It's been a busy week!

Jalops - I'm so sorry to hear your latest update. It must have been heartbreaking to hear, and whilst I understand the SW's concerns as BG has expressed so well, it doesn't necessarily make it easier to take in the short term. I hope you can take some time with your partner and really focus on building yourself and your relationship back up again before you decide how you want to move forward. I think there will need to be some long hard thinking about what the future holds but it's important you get yourself in the right place emotionally first.

Loki Girl - VAs don't 'have' any children, but rather link up with LAs to place children. Often these will be the children LA are struggling to place in-house i.e. hard to place children for whatever reason and so have to out-source, which is where the VAs swoop in with their prospective adopters. LAs have to pay the VAs if there is a match and this is how their money is made. For this reason some adopters will argue that VAs will work harder to get you a placement quicker, because without the placement there is no income, however it is important to bear in mind that it is likely these children will come with more significant needs, and you may be shown profiles of children that do not match your matching criteria. The quickest or first match is not always the best (although sometimes it can be spot on).  Personally I think there are pros and cons to both VAs and LAs and you have to think carefully about what outcome you want from the process. 

Lorella - Congratulations! Such a quick match too. I hope all goes smoothly for the next part of your journey to 'becoming' a mummy. I read something really interesting the other day. It said that you become a parent not from the moment a child is placed with you or you give birth, but from the moment that you make that decision to become a parent, from the conception of the idea. I guess particularly with this process you put so much into thinking about parenting and preparing that I guess it's pretty true. So for all of those of us looking forward to becoming parents, it might be important to remember we already are, it's just we haven't met our little ones yet. Hopefully you'll meet yours soon!

Good luck to all those with upcoming panels, they'll come and go so quickly! Relax and remember your SW wouldn't be taking you to panel if they didn't believe in you. As one adopter said to me, the decision has pretty much already been made, it's procedural but the last opportunity to F'up. I was just unfortunate in that my agency F'd- up and that's a rarity!


----------



## Loki Girl

Starry - good explanation. Much better than my attempt lol!! I think that's what we hold onto that our SW said they wouldn't take us to panel unless they were almost 100% sure we would get approved which I found comforting. So annoying they didnt get yours right but I admire your determination. U will get there!!

Just found out my DBS number so went looking online. We are on stage 4 of 5 the police checks which I believe take the longest? Annoyingly both were sent 30th June, all my first checks were completed on 30th June yet DH's last one was completed till 23rd July   Does that mean his could be 3 weeks behind mine? Hopefully his will catch up and not hold us back. Can't see it being done by 28th Aug tho annoyingly. Will have to wait and see what they say. Did anyone check theirs online? Was there big wait for the police one to come back? I know some of them were quite quick and others really long.  Come on police


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## Paulapumpkin

Oh gosh - SW coming to see us tomorrow, we only registered our interest on Friday!


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## Loki Girl

Haha. Good luck Paula. Ours was pretty quick too after we expressed an interest. They will just go through some basic questions re: your relationship, employment, how you got to this point etc. It's all pretty relaxed. I think it then differs depending on your council. We didnt get homework just some reading, was invited on the next prep courses which were 8 weeks away, so didnt have anything to do whilst waiting for those lol, did those and filled in the DBS and provided references etc and got given a bunch of homework and then had one visit with our actual social worker a couple of weeks back and are now just waiting on all the checks to come back so we can hopefully start stage 2 end Aug/beginning Sept  

It's all so exciting!!! Let us know how you get on


----------



## Loki Girl

Well that's just pants. DH emailed to see how many checks we had back and what we were waiting for. Reply was its taking on average 60 days for stage 4 police checks to be done meaning mine should be back by end of Aug but if it takes 60 days DH's won't b back till end Sept!!! That means no way will we make the stage 2 prep course on 28th Aug unless they let us do it before the police checks are back. Annoying when u think if they knew they were waiting so long for them why did we have to sit around for 8 weeks waiting for the prep courses to start surely they could of been sent off then? Guess they don't want to if u dropped out after the prep course. They are also waiting for some of my nanny references but they did say they appreciate some of mine won't come back which is fine but they have had some which is good. The only thing I need to chase is my employer reference which my boss hasn't sent yet so need to email her and chase that up. 

My first frustration arrives


----------



## Freedo

Hi all  glad to see things are moving for everyone, I am just home after a week in Spain chilling , had my DBS back when away so we both have those, also letter for medical which is £120  so waiting for appt, 1st home visit on Thursday!!! xxx


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## RocketJ

Loki Girl, I feel your pain on the DBS front! I actually ended up hating the fact that you can track it online as mine took over 70 days for the stage 4 check and it was so frustrating seeing that it was still there every time I checked!! Apparently the hold ups are partly due to the extra load created by the start of a new school year and all the new appointments, so if that's true then it ought to speed up a bit now - fingers crossed that yours are back in time!

My checks are all done now, so I will be doing the prep course starting next Wednesday. I'm yet to be assigned a social worker though - hoping they might have some news on that when I go on the course.

Becs - I hope the changing table project is going well; have you decided on colours to decorate the room? I picked up a cot bed from someone at my church on Monday - thankfully the spare room is a bit cluttered at the moment as I'm painting elsewhere, so I managed to resist the temptation to put it together!!

StarryEyed, that's a lovely sentiment about being parents, and so true. I was on Aunty duty last week too - funnily enough, I asked my niece (only one, so we're really close) what she thought about the idea of me having a child. She pondered for a moment, then pulled a face and said 'bad idea'! When I asked why, she said because then I couldn't be her 'best'!! Funny child   Thankfully it was only a lighthearted conversation, but it showed us that we might have to think about how we handle that one.


----------



## becs40

Hi to everyone. Sorry for those experiencing delays, it's so unfair after all we go through that things like this are sent to try us even more!
We we had our par today and all good, a couple of little bits to be changed but nothing of any significance. Sw is coming out Thursday to get it all signed off.  Feels real now we've had the report and I can already feel myself getting more anxious!
Rocket the change table is all painted and looks great (by the way if anyone is reprinting any nursery furniture I discovered farrow and ball are nursery and toy safe paint!). We're going to reassemble it tomorrow then just touch up any areas that require it. As for decorating we're going to do a jungle them, I'm going to paint the lower half of the walls in 2 different greens to look like land then the top half and ceiling very pale sky blue with clouds. I'm currently in the process of making a cloud light pendant for the ceiling to go with some other hanging clouds. Then we shall have jungle animal stickers on it. Can't wait to get to that bit. For now we'll just be doing the painting bit minus the stickers in case we're matched with a very girlie pink then we shall just paint over it.


----------



## Lorella

Hi all
Will catch up properly later. Have a meeting with FC today! Eek!
xxx


----------



## notgivingup

Good luck Lorella. Hope it goes well x


----------



## Laws1612

Good morning ladies.....

lorella cant wait to hear you news im so pleased for you.....

becs thats great about the par not long now. We are excepting our next week ready for oanel 24th sept she unfortunately cant bring it forward due to deadlines but she said if theres any profiles un the mean time she will be sending them through. Have you had any luck with the two tou enquired about? 

Rocket j loved the prep course and the stage your At as everyrhing starts to move quickly....keep us updated....

Freedo good luck witg first hoke visit let us know if you receive panel date another lady on the table....
Loki girl...what a pain I hate all the waiting....we hsvr just over a month to panel and I am getting impatient already dread to think whay the waiting is gonna be like on the other side of approval panel.

Paula good luxk today it is such an exciting time im sure you will be great....let us know how you meeting goes....im aure you will be like the rest of us and cleaning for england before she comes lol....
we are just waiting for par now unfortunately date cannot be brought forwsrd due to deadlines but thats ok only just over a month just getting inpatient want the next bit to happen....soixal worker willbe sending profiles if there are that meet our needs....we have registered interest on someone on cww so hopefully we should hear back soon. 

Hello to all the other ladies im guessing people are on holiday and busy with work in summer holidays hope everything is movng along.... xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck lorrella!

Good luck Paula 

Just picked up a forgetmenot talking album for a fiver.... Just in case, worried tempting fate, but they are silly money on ebay, so had too!

Still on a go slow, but plodding, all we can do xx

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Troodles

Hi everyone

Sorry no personals. Im having a bad day. Walked into work this morning and was told I'm being made redundant and told to go home and they'll pay me my notice. They did the same to my friend back in April. Grrrr just when we really need the money!!  Hope SW doesn't think it's stressful and will affect things. 

Good luck to you all, sending big hugs xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Omg troodles that is so terrible....can they do that? Im so sorry to hear that. Might be worth getting in touch with social worker and let her know....fingers crossed it doesnt affect anything. Keep us updated xxxsending hugs xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh Troodles that's terrible. Really hope it doesn't affect things  

Forgetmenot I don't blame you. I see it as like having a bottom drawer for moving into a new house lol. I have a few older books and non generic puzzles which doesn't matter if we have boys or girls. Once we know ages and gender will be able to get more specific gender things. Can't wait for that point!! 

Took the kids I'm nannying for to bowling and Mcdonalds today. We had such a blast and made me realise I am so so so ready to be a mum. I love them to bits but I'm ready to do all this with my own kids now and as a proper family. Keeping everything crossed for next year!!!


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies xx

Laws -glad you had a nice time in Greece. Shame can't bring panel forward but it will zoom by and you will be there before you know it! Hope you get to see some profiles soon. Exciting!

Becs - glad you've got your PAR! Won't be long now. You sound very busy and clever with all your nesting! We are just buying and assembling!

Ozzycat - knew you'd skip out of there! So pleased it's going well. 

Starryeyed - thanks. That's lovely what you said about becoming a parent 

Paulapumpkin - good luck today. You will be great!

Loki Girl - sorry about your delays. Yes frustrating for you! I am sure things will take off for you soon. 

Freedo - good luck with visit tomorrow. You will be fab!

RocketJ - we weren't assigned our SW until our last course day. Enjoy prep. 

Troodles -   Sorry to hear that Hun. I hope you are ok  

We had a great meeting with FC! She is lovely. Found out loads more about little pink and got given some more up to date photos. Got all dates booked in. They are all meeting to have their matching meeting next week   Then Matching panel is beginning of October! This is really happening!!!!    

Hi to all xxx


----------



## RocketJ

I can't believe how quickly this is all happening for you Lorella! You must be beside yourself with excitement   I'm so glad things went well with the FC - there seems to be a fair few horror stories about FCs being difficult so it must be a relief to know yours isn't going to be. 

One more hurdle over for you!!


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Just a quickie post as I'm off out. The meeting went really well yesterday, SW made us feel at ease.

The house was cleaned top to bottom (as much as poss as we are renovating) but she never looked around. 

She said she will be recommending that we can move forward and will send letter and forms out for medical and DBS. GP is calling me next week to arrange the medical.

We may get on Sep course but more likely to be Nov.

Excited.com!

Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing ok sorry for lack of personals as im rubbish xx

im so sorry about your job troodles i hope you are ok xx

paula im glad it went really well for you exciting times ahead xx

I phoned to track my dbs forms and they have been processed and dispatched so hopefully we will recieve them soon. I sent all my home work off so should move on to stage two very soon xxxx


----------



## becs40

Troodles that's terrible news for you, hope you're holding up. Have you spoken to your sw yet for any reassurance?

Lorella I'm getting a taster of how you must be feeling at the mo! One of the 2 we enquired about is a possibility for us. We've got to email our sw a list of further questions that we have on them to see if we pursue it. All sounding amazing at the moment on the limited info we have. It's a foster to adopt placement so if we do go forward and are approved there is no matching panel at this stage so they would be looking to transfer lo to us asap. I can't even begin to get my head round the fact that come the 1st of sept all being well at panel we would then begin discussions about introductions! Just trying to think of what questions we want to ask at the mo.


----------



## Tw1nk82

becs wow that sounds amazing i bet you are so excited xx


----------



## becs40

Thanks twink, nervous, terrified, excited and a whole host of emotions rolled into one at the moment. Also panicked as does mean a heck of a lot to do if we do progress and also an interesting conversation with work too! My boss is off sick this week so hopefully she'll be back next week to discuss my options if we do go forward.


----------



## Troodles

Thanks ladies. 


Haven't been able to talk to SW yet as she's on holiday. Next meeting with her on Wednesday so can talk about it then.  


Lorella and Becs it's just too exciting!! I bet you're still pinching yourselves. So pleased and can't wait to hear more!


So glad it went well Paula. 


Good luck with forms Twink. 


Hope the time goes quickly laws. 


Sorry if I've missed anyone but great big hugs to all xxx


----------



## becs40

How are you feeling about things Troodles?


----------



## Troodles

Hi Becs

I'm not too bad thanks. Am worried about telling SW and her reaction. I've registered with a couple of agencies and one called yesterday with some potential temp work so fingers crossed I hear something positive today. Also a bit worried about money. We have some savings but wanted to use that for time off once we get LO. 

How are you, is it starting to sink in yet?? 

Xx


----------



## becs40

That's good news about the agency, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! I would hope your sw would be supportive and carry things on with you as by the time you get to panel it would hopefully have sorted itself all out.  
Not really at all yet, keep thinking about it and then stupid little niggly things pop into my head, silly things like what we would tell my nephews for instance as not as straight forward as adoption. Also as a foster carer you don't refer to yourself as "mummy" so is this the same with foster to adopt.


----------



## Lorella

Morning ladies

RocketJ - thank Hun. Yes is getting more exciting! Still something holding me back from getting to attached though... Natural protective instinct in case something should go wrong I guess. Went to Mothercare with my friend yesterday and bought some bits which was fun! Still sticking to unisex and things will need anyway for the mo though (bedroom thermometer/bibs etc). Bought some I love Daddy bibs.... DH was chuffed!

Becs - that is soooo exciting! It is indeed roller coaster of emotions. Fingers crossed this is your LO! Pink or blue? Good luck. 

Troodles - thanks honey. I am pleased to hear you are feeling not to bad. Was worried! Fingers crossed you get some temp work soon and your SW is understanding. I am sure she will be. 

Hi yo all xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Lorella,
A blue, so many questions as it's all so different to adoption.


----------



## becs40

Ok have to share! Massive bargain bought today! We've been looking at the cybex sirona 0-4yr rear facing car seat and popped into kiddicare. They're not doing them anymore so discounted to £300 from £375, then only had display model which was immaculate so discounted to £240 then used morrisons card for and extra 10% discount so £216!


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## Laws1612

Becs it's so lovely to hear your getting ready how exciting....so pleased for you.....what's the plan for the next few weeks....has buying started to make things feel real?? Xxx


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## becs40

Hi laws, nervously buying! I feel I need to be prepared in case this possible link does go ahead even though it is really early days. Also bought these bits as not specific still for any child and way too much of a bargain to ignore. I'll still feel much more relieved once panel is out the way but definitely feeling a lot more real now. 
We discovered when we got back the car seat I is actually the "plus" version which is normally £415 so a real bargain at £216! It's quite sad how excited I am by a car seat lol!


----------



## Troodles

Thanks Lorella. Everything still crossed!!


Becs sounds sooo exciting!!


Hi all. Hope you all had lovely weekends. What's going on this week?


Big hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Lorella

Teabag - good luck tomorrow!!! I am so excited for you. Just remember they wouldn't take you to panel if they were not sure you'd pass. You will be brilliant. The panel will put you at ease and want you to do well too. Hope you are feeling ok xxx


----------



## becs40

Lol "teamug" Lorella, but same sentiment from me! Was thinking about you yesterday afternoon and trying to imagine your nerves on a scale of 1-10! I'd be about 99 if it were me!
Lorella how's things going your end? I bet October seems so far away for you now.


----------



## Troodles

Oooh good luck Teabag (mug) lol

Will be thinking of you all day and keeping everything crossed. 

Loads of love and hugs xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck!!

Our sw due any minute... gulp!!


----------



## Troodles

Good luck too forgetmenot. Remember count to 10!! Lol xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck xx


----------



## Laws1612

Teamug good luck be geat to see another name on the
forever mummies list. Let us know how you get on....


forget me not good luck too...look forward to hearing how your meeting goes....we are all so close....

Becs - i get excited just popping into the shops...buying would be silly excited hehe....we habe even started to think about Christmas and the thought of potentional childern at Christmas is just getting me like a mad women lol xxx

hi everyome else....hope all is ticking along xxx


----------



## Lorella

Oops! Teamug! I can never remember which one it is    

Forgetmenot - good luck lovely! X

Becs - I know! The linking meeting is Weds so another hurdle to hopefully get through. What I am finding difficult is the fact that we have already got date for matching panel, date for introductions planning meeting, date for introductions to start and date for LO to move in yet nothing is certain until that ratification certificate comes through and that won't be till middle of Oct!. I have to hand in my notice on 10th September ( as have to hand in 28 days before) yet would not of even been to panel! 

I don't know if anyone knows any stats of how many matches break down between linking approval and matching panel and reasons why?  I'm guessing it's not common or otherwise wouldn't be able to make all these plans? 

We are so falling in love with LO already so would be really upset if didn't go ahead especially as we've been made to feel like it's a done deal. 

I ordered my baby change bag at the weekend then went on to dream about it! 

Laws - the thought of Xmas with LO makes me want to burst!

xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

OOoooo good luck everyone,  so many exciting developmens... our la sw is visiting us at home tomorrow at 5pm for the initial interview. . The house has never been so clean!.. even the cat has had a brush  
Cant wait to read all the updates xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Ozzycat and Forget me not, I hope your SW visits go well - for my S1 visit I cleaned the house like crazy, then I kept having to drop hints about her looking round because it seemed like she wasn't going to and I was so desperate to show off my hardwork! Teamug - good luck, though I'm sure you don't need it! We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Ozzycat and forgetmenot good luck with the sw meetings. I cleaned my house from top to bottom too it is so funny that we think that they wont class us as good mothers if there is a bit of dust   xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Just a quickie as on my lunch break lol. Just wishing tons of luck to Teamug and Forgetmenot for today. Sooooooo excited for u guys!!


----------



## becs40

Forgetmenot hope you visit went well?

Lorella I haven't heard of any not going through, surely it's like approval panel in that they don't send you unless they're pretty certain on the outcome? Oddly enough I asked my sw that question last week but it was in reference to the foster to adopt placement. It's a bit different as you would do matching panel when the placement order were granted so could have been fostering them for months by that stage! We drive ourselves crazy don't we focussing on the tiny percentage of negativity- one of the relics of ivf I guess! Why can't we just enjoy it all like a normal pregnant woman, they don't go through 9 months of not decorating, buying anything and planning in case they're the tiny percentage for whom it doesn't work out! 
This is me trying to be positive and not let superstition get in the way after me buying these few bits and now my heart is saying shouldn't have in case it's bad luck!
I bought a change bag ages ago because I saw one I. next I really liked that was quite grown up and unisex and only £25. Having seen what some of them cost I really wanted to get it before they stopped doing which they have now. It sounds like we've bought a lot but until this weekend it was the change bag and some books, then this weekend we've bought the car seat and pushchair. Also been to Ikea today to get a shelving unit. That will probably be it now until we are linked. To be honest if the pushchair and car seat hadn't of been on such good offers we wouldn't have bought them yet either.
The trouble is I want to enjoy shopping for these things and relish the fact we can at last but I get the feeling it's all going to be very rushed, so much to do and organise as well as buy and generally only a few weeks to do it all.
Lorella are you not going on adoption leave or is that what you meant about your notice?


----------



## teamug

Wow so much going on with everyone at the moment, sorry not many personals but good luck to everyone with SW visits etc happening this week 

Lorella - so happy for you 

Becs - wow, you have found a potential match before panel, how exciting 

Thank you so much to all for your kind wishes for our panel tomorrow, have been sooo nervous, but now feeing a little excited too, our SW called today and said we don't have to worry about my past moving out from my son as the panel have given feedback ready for tomorrow and they can all see that I did what was right for my son so they wont be asking questions on that.....phew

Though as we have only been together 2 and half years they may ask us questions on our relationship.

This time tomorrow we will know


----------



## becs40

Ah fab news teamug! Although ew to awkward questions about relationship! I guess the answer is we're all older and wiser and I think when you reach a certain age you just know when things are right. What time is panel tomorrow?
We're still waiting on our timings which is a bit annoying as need to try and book other things around it on the same day! 
We're trying to remain grounded on this one as a foster to adopt placement so quite different things to consider and we don't know much about them at all yet. Just typing up my list of questions to sw now as she's back in the office tomorrow.
Good luck for tomorrow I'm sure you'll be fine.


----------



## teamug

Thanks Becs, its at 10am but we have to be there at 9.30 to meet our SW. Yes we certainly are older and wiser 

Been to the gym this evening to keep mind active...

We only got our time last week, not sure if that's the same with all areas. Good luck on your foster to adopt, not really sure on how that all works but I have read a few of your previous posts on here


----------



## becs40

Will be thinking of you at 10.00am! Least you get it over with nice and early, I'm dreading ours being the last one of the day!


----------



## teamug

yes Becs very pleased it's early


----------



## Primmer

Been away for a few days so fallen behind with this thread but wanted to pop on to say good luck to Teamug today for panel


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck tea bag, have friends going today too to panel.... Know it will be us soon.

Sw meeting was fine... After all the stress and agro, we have four meetings left,  a single one each and two together, then that's it.

Have to email a photo today.... Not happy with it, but guess we can up grade lol

It's weird, it's not been too bad, if a little faffy.  Dh is like, what a crock! Bless him, he's very good at the time lol.  I am now starting to very slightly believe this will happen.

I am so excited reading about all this shopping going on... And that it's working for people, and some of you very soon, will be your own little families for Christmas.  My heart would be bursting... I am so excited for you guys.  I secretly want to cancel our ski holiday, but know it will be our last, and know unless approved and matched within a week of panel, it won't happen.  Though I picked up, she is thinking of us, with kids in mind, that made me super excited, though she back tracked!!

I am starting to feel a little scared by it all..... Xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck teabag xx

Forgetmenot im glad your sw meeting went well xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you... Seems to easy x


----------



## Lorella

Ozzycat - good luck with meeting today. I remember totally cleaning house from top to bottom and our SW didn't want to look round either! I had to ask her if she wanted a tour! 

Becs - yes so true. I keep thinking to myself that I was quite negative with the IVF and it didn't work out so if I am positive with adoption it will! Makes me not feel so superstitious of being positive  . I treated myself to a babymel change bag with bows on. Didn't think about DH until he said he might look a bit silly with it! However he's got a nice man bag that would be perfect for him to use if he has LO for the day without me! I meant to say excellent deal on the car seat!
Yes sorry, I meant adoption leave notice  .  We got our time of panel a week before too.

Forgetmenot - glad meeting went well 

Teamug - be thinking of you today! You'll be great! Can't wait to update board later. 

Hi to all xxx


----------



## Troodles

Good luck Teabag. Thinking of you. 


Hope all goes well ozzy. I'm on a cleaning frenzy too. Health and safety inspection tomorrow eek!!


Taking niece and nephew to Frozen singalong this morning!!! Can't wait to drag DH along to that kind of thing with our kids lol


Big hugs to you all xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck teamug! Keeping my fingers crossed for ya x


----------



## becs40

Hope all's gone well teamug! 

I'm so very pleased our cleaning frenzy has finished for now!every time sw came I felt house had to be sorted, although tbh it was nice having it like that every week! 

Had an informal chat with my manager today about the scenarios if we do go down foster to adopt route. She was very positive and has just asked me to put a request of what I'd like to do in writing for her boss. So that's tonight's job.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all....spreading some early news but think I may burst...two little girls have found us we are really interested awaiting full report....social worker interested in us and requested our draft par cause its due for completion on fri...cant wait to read it....xxxx


----------



## Primmer

Laws - how exciting !!!!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Laws that is so exciting no wonder you could nearly burst. I hope it all goes well for you xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi All, well we did it !!!! we were recommended to the manager to be approved (will get the official yes on 27th) and got a yes from each and every panel member, that was daunting sitting in front of them as they all decided on a yes or no, after some very gruelling questions, they were not easy on us, but we did it an our SW was brilliant. Now to matching woop woop   

Thanks for all of your well wishes  

Laws - fantastic news, well done 

Becs - glad your cleaning frenzy is over lol 

Troodles - good luck with health & safety x

Forgetmenot -glad your meeting went well x

Everyone else have a brilliant week 

Off out to celebrate this evening, it's just starting to sink in, been a great relief to get though to this stage we now feel we can relax a bit x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations teamug   xxx


----------



## Primmer

Great news / congrats Teamug    Enjoy your celebrations


----------



## notgivingup

Congratulations teamug! That's fab. Another approved mummy in waiting to add to the list! 

Laws - can't believe how excited you must be! 

Troodles - hope singalong went well - those songs get stuck in my head they are so addictive! 

Forgetmenot - glad meeting went well. 

it's lovely to hear about all this shopping going on.  I feel so behind everyone else though as still in relatively early stage of stage 2 and not likely to get to panel till December so can't even imagine looking to buy anything yet! Anyone else still stuck in early stages?


----------



## Tw1nk82

Notgivingup im just coming to the end of stage one so i will be going to panel in january all being well xx


----------



## Lorella

Whoop whoop! Great news Teamug! You are a mummy to be! Good feeling isn't it. Enjoy your celebrations tonight. So pleased for you xxx

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 
Teamug

Panel Dates

Becs - September 1st
Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th
Troodles - November 12th
Jalops - December 3rd


December
Notgivingup

January
Twink

TBC
Forgetmenot
Lous mummy
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Freedo
RocketJ


----------



## becs40

massive congrats teamug! Enjoy the celebrations you must be so thrilled. Here's hoping for a speedy match for you.

Laws fab news, very exciting! 

Our sw has forwarded our questions to babies sw so not sure when to expect those replies. Also they've just changed sw so don't know who that is now. There's only 8 sw's and we've met most of them. She has said she'll give us the info when she gets it then we'll discuss further after panel. Assume it will take a few days to get back to us with answers at least then it's bank holiday next week. As we're at panel the Monday after seems sensible to discuss it then when we know more and they'll have us approved! (Hopefully!).


----------



## Loki Girl

Awww wow congratulations to Teamug and Laws. So thrilled for you guys!!!

Yup we are stuck in early stages too lol. Tw1nk think you are going to surpass us now lol. My DBS went to stage 4 on 30th June and as our police are taking average over 60 days mine should be back end Aug which was right on track to start the prep course and stage 2 on 28th Aug. DH's tho didnt get there till 23rd July so his not likely to be back till end Sept. Means our stage 1 is now going to take 3mths which is sooooo annoying   The next course is 23rd Oct which is fine apparantly as long as we do it at some point in stage 2 it won't matter if its Aug or Oct. but we obviously can't start stage 2 before all the checks are back. We are booked for 2 week holiday end Sept as well so even if it comes back end Sept won't be able to start till mid Oct. I'm imagining that if we start stage 2 in Oct we'll be lookin at panel in Feb. So much for thinking we'd squeeze in before Xmas. Makes a bit of a mockery of their targets but guess we just have to continue exercising that patience   Will at least give us more time to work on the homework I suppose lol. 

Anyways the happy news on here keeps me ticking along so looking forward to more good news from panels soon   and hopefully I will be able to contribute more soon when something actually starts happening


----------



## Lorella

Laws - brill news! So excited for you xx


----------



## notgivingup

Twink and Loki - glad it's not just me trailing behind! Loki - hope the DBS speeds up for you - my DBS held up stage 1.  I agree, the timescales guidelines appear to be very 'loose' and any opportunity to extend them seems to be acceptable.  Good job I learnt to be patient over the last few years!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Teamug fantastic news and laws... Two new mummies xx so happy. 

Our friends were approved today too... So happy for you guys!

Notgivingup we are behind too... So it's no biggy and imagining we will be held up over something... Cos that's how we roll!!

Lorrella we are due to panel in Nov, but I can't do a list, as terrified! I know I am a nutter, but whenever it's concrete or put out there it goes wrong lol

Glad everyone is doing well.  Lots of love xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Teamug & Laws - fantastic news!

Hi to everyone else, we are just starting stage 1 and have medicals booked and waiting for letter to come through from LA with ref number for DBS.

May get on prep course in Sep but likely to be Nov.

We've booked a lovely mini cruise just before Xmas to relax, we run our own business so it's difficult to get away. We are taking mil, luckily I get on with her and live her to bits! Lol

X


----------



## Troodles

WOOHOO well done Teabag!!! So pleased for you. Have you stopped smiling yet?

Great news Loki!!


Night night all. Going to get up at crack of Dawn to manically clean whilst hoping those Frozen songs are out of my head by then lol


Do you wanna build a snowman?  
Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Troodles - on the last day of term I showed Frozen to my class ( nearly all of them had seen it a million times already but didn't matter - they love it! ) they sat there and nearly recited all the words , then when  Let it go came on they all burst into chorus......so cute! Now I have it in my head every day especially as I've taken to it myself and it's kind of like my adoption song...... especially some of the lines.....'let it go let it go you'll never see me cry'.......'I'm never going back the past is in the past'....'it's time to see what I can do,test the limits and break through!' 

That and Ho Hey by The Lumineers!!

xxx

Ps sorry if I've put it in your head again!!!   X


----------



## Troodles

Awwww that's lovely Lorella. I. must admit I had a lump in my throat when all the kids were singing. So sweet. 


Never thought about the words but you're so right, really fit in with what we're all going through. 



But thanks, now I have Let it Go in my head as I'm trying to sleep!!! Lol   


Xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck troodles.... Let us know how it goes....
Remember the zip!


----------



## RocketJ

Brilliant news Teamug! And all of you with exciting matches progressing so well. We seem to be pretty well spread with how far along we are - I'm in the early stage 2 group, but of on the prep course today, so hoping for some news on who my sw will be. Hope it goes well today Troodles xx


----------



## Troodles

Thank you ladies. 

Have to tell SW about losing my job but can also tell her that I've got a new one!!!

Hope all goes well Rocket. Look forward to hearing all about it. 

Have a good day all xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Troodles hope your sw meeting goes well xx

Rocket enjoy prep which im sure you will xx

Loki hope your DBS forms come back soon. Its annoying that it is holding you up xx

Paula im glad things are moving and so happy for you xxx

Hi to everyone else xx

We are on a quite week as our sw is on leave. She is phoning me at the begining of next week to come and check our DBS forms and hopefully tell us about starting stage 2 XXX


----------



## Laws1612

Good luck today troodles keep us updated fingers crossed for you....

twink very exciting for you too hopefully things will start flying Once you begin stage 2...stage 2 was most exciting for us your nearly there....

forget me not....glad your friends are approved too you will be joining them very soon....how you doing? Is it good to be off from work xxx

lorella what are you waiting on now?? Cant keep up xx

Thank you for good luck messages will keep you in the loop i telll you guys before my mum lol....very exciting...
Xxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congratulations Teamug and Laws - thats such exciting news!

For all of those just heading into Stage 2, I think there are a number of us that will be looking to be approved next year. I'm certainly not holding out any hope of being approved until at least March... and even then I won't be shown any profiles until after approval!

Hope all is well. I've been ferociously blogging over the last couple of days, keeping busy and got the sister and her younger sister down next week (I'm constantly surrounded by kids at the moment) so should be fun. Also taking my nephew to see planes for his 3rd birthday at the weekend. I don't think my diary has ever been so full!


----------



## Primmer

We had our last stage 2 meeting this morning. I am pleased to have finished it and sw said she will now prepare the first draft of the par.  My concern is that we haven't discussed all the topics we covered in our homework. We have only had 2 joint meetings and our 1 to 1 meetings so four in total and they have all been less than an hour. As a result, I don't think that sw really knows us that well. Has anyone else had similar concerns?


----------



## becs40

I certainly did Primmer. I was really worried even though we'd been very open. We had 4 joint sessions then our individuals. Each was probably about 2 hours. I have to say though our Par was fine, I'm not sure what I was expecting as it is really a factual document rather than an opinion at the end of the day.  That's not to say our answers were open to interpretation.
My advice relax and trust that this is what your sw does for a living, they know exactly what needs to go into the report and it's very unusual for it to be so far off the mark. At the end of the day it will be sent to you for approval and you can discuss any concerns before it's signed off but I'm sure it will be fine. I was really anxious but it was perfectly ok, just a couple of inaccuracies which were sorted but certainly nothing major at all.
Starry that seems such a shame that it'll be that long when there's no reason for it other than personal bias! You have an amazing attitude though and good for you for sticking at it and taking whatever they throw at you. Enjoy the planes!
I plucked up the courage to talk to my boss about the possibility of a f2a placement and asked whether I would be able to take unpaid leave for the foster part then go to adoption leave when placement order is made. It feels incredibly premature but I guess we need the answer even if it's not for this lo. She took my request straight to the chief executive and he said no problem! My intention is to give up work but this way I get the adoption pay and it gives me the security of knowing my job is still there if things don't go to plan.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Starryeyed enjoy all the kiddy time it will all be good practice for you xx

Primmer i know im not that far ahead like you but im sure they will have all the info they need and like bec says you will get to comment on anything they write xx

Becs i bet you feel so much better talking things through with your boss xx


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone

We were approved to be a good match for our little pink at linking meeting today so another hoop jumped through! Yay! 
Meeting SW end of week to go through next steps. 

Primmer - I don't think you will have anything to worry about. It prob just means that you are quite a straightforward couple so she doesn't have to dig to deep about stuff. 

Xxx


----------



## teamug

Aww Lorella great news, I can't wait to be able to see a profile hope we don't have to wait too long


----------



## StarryEyed

Just heard from my social worker after a request to be put in contact with more local adopters. I did my prep training out of area. The answer was wait until after the counselling that is yet to be organised because the counsellor is on annual leave. I feel like the agency are just putting more and more barriers in my way now. I'm not asking to be rushed to panel. I'm asking for support to prepare myself as much as possible. Am I being too pushy? I really do feel like I'm on my own in this now.


----------



## StarryEyed

I don't know whether to scream or cry


----------



## Ozzycat

Wow ive not logged in for 24hrs and ive had 5 pages of exciting news to read through. ..
Congratulations teamug on panel,  soooo exciting for u x
Law, amazing news on your match x
Lorella... its getting closer x
And everyone else,  its soo lovely reading all the positive updates

As for us, well the sw was with us for over 3hrs last night,  but she was really lovely and is recommending us to be accepted onto stage 1 yeahy, so we should get a call next week to start the ball rolling 
She even did the health and safety checks around the house and it just seemed so surreal talking about baby gates and child locks... I can't believe this is actually happening  
Keep the good news rolling in xxxc


----------



## Primmer

Starry - I don't think you are being too pushy at all. You are just trying to put yourself in the best position possible and your agency does not seem to be assisting you with that which must be so frustrating! 

Ozzy - great news that you are going to be starting stage 1 

Lorella - that is great news, exciting times! 

Thanks for all your comments about sw and par which have helped.


----------



## becs40

Oh starry definitely not pushy at all. Just a thought a lot of work places give you access to counselling now is this a possibility for you? Just thought it cuts out some of the delay and shows ss that you're not giving up. Tend to agree that it sounds like they are putting obstacles in your way so think you're right to not let it lie.

Lorella how exciting! It must be sheer magic ticking off all these things that rake you one step closer!

Re us well sw has been in touch with lo's sw and sent our par to her as well as our questions. Our sw has spoken with his FC to gain more info and is gathering further info on family background for us. She's hoping to get all this to us next week and is also arranging a meeting for us with medical adviser. Trying still not to get excited but it's starting to feel a very real possibility with meeting medical adviser etc. Work agreeing to unpaid leave was the icing on the cake today! Beginning to feel more positive now and feels like all these things are happening for a reason!


----------



## StarryEyed

Having spent over a year paying for my own counselling, (because my faith in the NHS was destroyed when I first requested it years ago) and then having to go through a medical before this job to prove I was fit to work and then followed by a medical for the adoption process that may I add resulted in there being no concerns over my mental well-being, the request for counselling alone is an overly cautious measure. Being a teacher as well I'm not about to go and ask for counselling from my workplace, especially when I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be having counselling for...

I know I sound snappy today and I don't sound as patient as I  usually am - I was fully prepared to wait till come March - but when blocks are being put in my way for doing something useful with that time, I am getting frustrated.

I don't want to be a dampener on everyone's excitement. I really enjoy your updates. I just need to let off steam so I can get back to being my usual patient self.


----------



## notgivingup

Steam away starry - that's what we're here for and you have shown amazing patience!  X


----------



## becs40

No that makes sense, I wouldn't want to ask in that sort of workplace either. It does seem really unfair that they're going down this route given the counselling you've already undertaken with no concerns. Wish there was some pearl of wisdom I could offer that could get things moving again for you. 
A lot of people I've seen have suggested getting advice from adoption uk where they've hit problems but not sure what if anything could be done. 
Could you request a meeting with sw and head of department to discuss the issues and ask that some kind of formal schedule be decided on because you feel that nothing is being achieved?
You are more than entitled to rant away, you've certainly been through enough to make a lot of people give up it's real credit to you that you've shown them your strength.


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks becs, I'm feeling much better after having had numerous rants at friends, family, on here and on *******. I think I just needed to expel it all. I've had some fantastic support and actually feeling ok again. I've just made a record of all the correspondence I've had since panel and the steps I have taken to address the panel's concerns. There is yet to be one thing that I can actually say has been done on the behalf of the agency except having a similar meeting to the one you have suggested which came out with no clear outcome except go get some counselling and wait so you can prove how stable you are. If they'd stopped it earlier they'd have said come back in a year, but it's gone too far now for them to just say wait a year, so I now have every right to keep going and fight it. That doesn't seem right in itself. However, if the counselling doesn't come to fruition at least I can start again with a new agency and they can see everything that I have done. Onwards and upwards


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks notgivingup  

No, I'm feeling much more chilled now


----------



## StarryEyed

I'm even booking onto an adoption conference so who knows what we'll see when I go back to panel! And I will go back to panel. Part of me wants to jump ship, the other part wants to stick two fingers up at my agency and prove them wrong. I see my inherent fighter coming out again!


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

I've been lurking for a while as still in stage one at the moment, all references are back now, we are just waiting on our medicals to be looked at by the medical advisor and our sw has just asked her manager for a further month extension as we had to wait around for a while with our GP getting our medicals back to them and my other half's work reference.

She emailed me to say that so far she sees no reason why we would not progress to stage 2 she just needs to see the medical comments before she can make her recommendation.

We were advised to start looking into gaining more childcare experience, so for past few weeks we started volunteering at a beavers group and I have also started up at a nursery every Wednesday for 4hrs. 

I've had a bit of a downer day today with things just seeming like there taking forever, so we ended up visiting kiddicare earlier to be positive, and our branch is closing down and have a awesome sale so we ended up spending a few pounds on little toys, my favourite high chair I've wanted for ages that was on offer, monitors, I've been looking after my friends little boy recently and we're having him overnight on Friday so we can use with him too so hopefully it won't be money wasted. I feel silly for buying things now though, was it a bad idea

Anyway thanks for letting me ramble xxx


----------



## Petite One

StarryEyed I hope things work out for you.  It's incredibly tough when our lives are in the hands of all these professionals. You show them you can do it.  

Lorella it's exciting times ahead. 

Becs40 that is great news about work.


----------



## StarryEyed

Welcome rose,

I wouldn't be concerned about whether its a bad idea except in the fact that your matching criteria might change in the process and you cannot be sure what age for example you are going to end up with. Personally I think as long as you stick to generic items that can be used across your preferred age range you are okay. However I would warn this is coming from the woman who bought a bed and car seats because they were a good deal and figured I can use them for my nephew and nieces if all else fails! They are always here to stay, anyway. My one problem is keeping them out of the set aside room at the moment (I have also got a sofa bed they are used to sleeping on).

Embrace the excitement of this new journey and try not to get too frustrated about the waiting (rich coming from the person who has just spent her evening ranting). Patience is something we all have to learn in the process.

hope you find the ladies here as useful as I do!

On a side note: Just had a brain wave to contact my old counsellor - after sorting the counselling with my agency first of course. At the very least she can confirm dates and qualifications for the panel.


----------



## becs40

Starry already sounding more positive! Go you!  

Hi Rose, I posted on here a few pages back and said if we were pregnant we'd have 9 months of nesting, shopping and preparing for our baby and our futures as a family. We wouldn't think about the tiny percentage of labours that end so tragically, or we wouldn't let it override everything else, it's a positive thing. 
Well I now see it that ivf and infertility has robbed me of that positivity and I want to take control again through the adoption process, I am allowed to hope, dream, plan and shop for my baby because it WILL happen. I know there may be delays and hiccups along the way but ultimately we will get there. Like starry I've started buying things that are gender neutral and versatile for ages. I bought stokke change table on ebay (can be used as shelves if no change table required), a car seat which us 0-4yrs and a pram/pushchair combination in black that's again 0-end of pushchair age!
Like you we got a bargain in kiddicare on the car seat so I wasn't going to walk away from that. Which highchair did you choose?


----------



## Lorella

Thanks ladies! Off shopping with mum today.... More shopping!

In a rush but wanted to say  Starryeyed but glad you are feeling better now x

Also great news on recommendation Ozzycat

Becs - all looking so good for you! The more I hear about F2A the more I think that if this link should fall through I think it's something we might ask our SW about.

Hi and welcome to Rose. I've just been looking at high chairs. I think I like this one so far.....

http://www.mothercare.com/OBaby-Munchy-Highchair---Dotty-Red/482037,default,pd.html

Although my sister, who has an 11th month old says you don't really need anything fancy at this age... Just a simple one like you get in restaurants is just as good!

Have a good day everyone xxx

/links


----------



## RocketJ

It's interesting to hear different views on the buying/preparing for a child. Initially I saw the self preservation angle, ie don't count your chickens! But I like what Becs says about nesting, and Ive been thinking a lot about how that affects your bonding with a child. I like to make things, so if I was having a birth child I'd be sewing clothes, quilts etc and I don't want to miss out on that part of the emotional preparation because it is all to much of a rush once I get to matching. As has been said, I think we just have to be selective on which things we can prepare before we know our child. 

Course went really well yesterday - there was another singly about myage, and a couple I got on well with from my stage one day. 

Wecome to Rose, and great to hear such positive thinking from you Starry - glad you feel you can use these boards to vent if you need to; I think we will all need to at times!


----------



## becs40

Hi Rocket, 
Glad the course was good. I miss being at the stage where you feel like you're actually doing something!

Lorella, shopping is the best bit! Love the highchair, very snazzy! We're looking at the oxo sprout but will be a while for that! Especially if this f2a works out as not even 3 months yet!   Should have more info next week and arranging meeting with medical adviser too. Reassured after reading dreamingofabetterlife's post re f2a. Nice to hear it working out. It's a risk but amazing if it works out.


----------



## Troodles

Hi all and a big welcome to Rose


Am having a lazy morning, as AF here and feel yuk. Tbh she may as well just bugger off for good. I call her Pam and hate it when Pam comes to visit!!


I apologise for lack of personals, so hard to keep up these days. Will just wish all good luck and lots of love and hugs. 


Had SW visit on Wed. She went through our support network/Eco map and did health and safety checks. Although after furiously cleaning she didn't  go upstairs which I thought was odd so I said shall we go upstairs!!! Lol


She arranged for the fire brigade to come round and they fitted 3 new smoke alarms. The 2 we had are quite old so they replaced those and put one in child's bedroom. Worth asking your local fire station if they offer this. 


3 visits down and 5 to go!!!!!!!


Hope you all have a great weekend. 


Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi all
Well bit of an emotional one today. I've held it together so well so far. I don't tend to get over emotional and have not teared up once through this whole process so far but today...well.... Must of all caught up with me! 
Had SW round to show us some more reports about BP's so I had been worrying about that. Also have arranged a meet up a year ago with a group of about 20 ladies who I've formed a ******** group with through IVF. It will be the first time we meet and we've been friends for almost 2 years now. It's really important to me ( but obs not as important as meeting our daughter). Anyway was initially told I could go ( it falls bang in the middle of intros) but today was told I can't .... Cue the tears.... Because I'm pre menstrual I couldn't stop! Then as we continued the meeting I teared up on about 3 other occasions! Then I was worried my SW would think I'm being over emotional and weak and not prioritising LO.... I think she understood when I said I was pre menstrual and emotional about everything!
Truth is I think I am becoming so attached to LO that the thought of her not being ours now is very upsetting. 
Anyway we have been given go ahead to buy, buy, buy now. Told to get transition toy and start sleeping with it, make some laminate pics of ourselves and Do the Tomy talking album! So that's exciting!

What a day!

Hi to all and hope you're all doing ok xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh gosh Lorella your feelings must be all over the place you poor thing. I think its prob the final realisation that this is actually going to happen. All the worry and heartbreak of the IVF is in the past and you are very soon going to be the mummy of a gorgeous little girl and all your prayers have been answered. I can imagine with all the talk of intros etc. has sent your emotions into overload.  I think I would be the same when our time finally comes. And like you say being pre menstrual is not going to help. 

I hope you are able to meet up with your friends at some point even if you can't this time, and hope all the emotions are settling down. I'm not having any social worker visits during my time of the month cus I also get an emotional wreck lol  

Take care and enjoy the fact your little girl will be with you soon


----------



## Ozzycat

Sending u hugs Lorella,  its all so emotional. ... just think how much ull sob and snot the first time she says mummy  
Stay strong,  ur dreams are in sight x

Have a lovely weekend ladies xxx


----------



## becs40

How's things today Lorella? I have to say there's been tears here today too! We've been painting the bedroom (still can't bring myself to say nursery!) and it's all feeling so tangibly close now. We've really started to invest ourselves in this baby now having had more details through in the past few days. Everything is still so uncertain though and it really is an emotional roller coaster. One second I'm all positive and this is it and in a few weeks time our little boy will be home, then 10 minutes later the concerns creep back and it's all then, what if it doesn't come off, what if we're not approved, what if he doesn't get a placement order.  How do we keep things level and normal with so much uncertainty, emotional pressure, not to mention years of disappointment, heartache, hopes and dreams. It's because it's all so close those feelings are magnified a million times so it's not surprisingly a melt down occurs! 
Just think beyond the next few weeks and dream about sending your Xmas cards out from you, DH and lo! (Maybe write them now whilst you have the time lol!)


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Lokis girl, Ozzycat and Becs &#128522;.

Yes you've hit the nail right on the head! 
My emotions are going from so high and excited one minute as this is really happening. Then the next I can't get out of my head about what might happen in they future.... especially regarding a possible contact issue that may arise that I don't want to go into publicly on here.

So be prepared girls for it to hit you at some point! Especially if you are like me and normally keep your emotions in!

Ah Becs....sorry you are having tears too but nice to have someone feeling the same as me so I know I'm not going completely crazy!



becs40 said:


> One second I'm all positive and this is it and in a few weeks time our little boy will be home, then 10 minutes later the concerns creep back and it's all then, what if it doesn't come off, what if we're not approved, what if he doesn't get a placement order. How do we keep things level and normal with so much uncertainty, emotional pressure, not to mention years of disappointment, heartache, hopes and dreams. It's because it's all so close those feelings are magnified a million times so it's not surprisingly a melt down occurs!


This is soooooo true! I liked reading your little comment about keeping focused on Christmas cards..... Helped me get things more back into perspective yesterday &#128522;.

We ordered our car seat and stroller yesterday and bought our transition toy yesterday. Slept with it last night! So feeling better but I don't think this air of uncertainty is gonna go away until she's home if I'm honest.

Hi to all xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Lorella its lovely to hear u sounding much happier x
Ive got a question to ask and im really sorry if it dredgers up lots of unhappy feelings. .
I found out at work on Friday another girl was pregnant and another friend trying and I got really upset and went home and cried x

I have come to terms with the fact we can't have our own and were sooooooo excited about the adoption journey but im just asking. . Does the pain go away?
Do u stop looking at pregnant women and wish it were u

Im so sorry to ask but I know you ladies understand and wont judge me x

Were not rushing into this process and have discussed it as an option for years, and I never want to hear the word ivf again. .. but the pain is still there, if not a little less upsetting with every new announcement x


----------



## becs40

Well we've been doing the nursery this weekend and it's looking fab, jungle themed. So we've painted the sky and the land/hills. Stuck some cloud stickers up along with the cloud light that I've made and we've ordered the jungle animal stickers. 
Dh suggested more shopping so who am I to argue! So popped to kiddicare again to see if anymore bargains and yep there was! An isofix base for the car seat that comes with the buggy We've ordered. We're going to use that as a spare for parents car or for Dh rather than remove the cybex from mine. Anyway there was again only one of the bases and was reduced from £140 to £40! So now have 2 isofix seats, the one that comes with the buggy didn't really cost anything either. Because we bought last years model/colour it was £40 more than just the pushchair for this year but came with carrycot and car seat. So well worth the extra £40. And if we end up adopting over 18 month old then we can sell the carrycot, other car seat and base. 
Then we went to toys r us and Dh wanted to buy a jungle cot music and movement toy and Adam the Adder Lamaze type toy!


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all.....I too have been having a melt down and lorella I keep my emotions in and with this I just can't help it. As I wrote in another post we have two pinks that have appeared their social worker are interested in us are are prepared to wait til we are approved and have been sent our par. Buy We are now Waiting to hear if they wish to go ahead with us after they have seen the par then we can have the CPR. They were only sent it on Tuesday but I was hoping to hear before bank holiday weekend as allthough we are really interested in the two we need the full CPR to make a real decision, so since Tuesday we have been daydreaming on the information we have at the fact that they might be ours I already feel like I've fallen in love. So I feel confident because my social worker was confident but then I think what if they have changed there mind or don't want to wait or the CPR isn't what we think they are.....omg here it comes again.....what a nightmare. Being terrified and excited all at once......xxxx


----------



## becs40

Ozzy I can only speak for myself but generally I'm able to enjoy discussing baby things and be happy for colleague announcements now that we're so close. It certainly never used to be, I used to be a complete mess. Obviously there is always that slight pang of jealousy and sadness that there's still some bits I won't get to experience but it's short lived.
Laws it's certainly the hardest bit and for us it's the lack of communication that someone can't say subject to x,y and z this is the plan to try and limit the uncertainty. I guess it's the necessary evil that will hopefully be short lived and definitely worth it in the long run.


----------



## buddy01

Hi all

Enjoying reading the posts on here and good luck everyone.  We have our first info meeting about adoption next week and I have been doing lots of reading in the meantime.  My IVF finished about a month ago so I think I am in with a wait before we can apply to adopt but at least it is something positive to focus on.

Jane c


----------



## becs40

Hi Jane, welcome. Don't worry about lots of us coming to the end so to speak (actually the beginning in life terms!) ,there's loads at all stages on here.
Great idea to start on the reading, there is so much too read! If you have a look on mumsnet forum as well under becoming a parent-adoption, there's loads of links to tv programs that are well worth a watch!


----------



## becs40

Cheered up by painting the room. Very nearly done now, just waiting for our jungle animal stickers to come.


















Becs40, Image resized as per FF standard image sizing requirements

Looks fab by the way  DE


----------



## Primmer

Becs - nursery looks great!


----------



## becs40

Thanks Primmer, just waiting for my animal stickers to arrive which will make it nice and bright too!


----------



## Lorella

OMG! How do you add photos? Will catch up properly tomorrow but just got in and amazed by the photos!! Xxx


----------



## becs40

You have to have them on a website like Flickr or photo bucket and get the link to them. Then click the little monaLisa picture and it will say


----------



## Forgetmenot

OMG I can't believe we are on to nursery photos for some of us... This is amazing! 
Super excited for you guys x

I have an individual meeting tomorrow with the social, health and motivation to adopt, with child care experience thrown in  xx


----------



## becs40

Ooh good luck forgetmenot! I used to look forward to our sessions - mind you I enjoy a good chat!


----------



## Laws1612

Becs room looks amazing any lo is going to adore that room....your very clever to manage that.....

forget me not good luck today...how many appointments do you have left. Have you got a panel date?? 

How is everyone else getting on? Any news....xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Becs room is looking fab so exciting xxx

Forgetmenot good look with your meeting xxx

Hi to everyone else. Nothing to report here. Waiting for sw to be intouch this week for a meeting and we have ordered one of them butterfly talking photo albums from america seen as they are a fortune here xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi guys,

The meeting was good I think... Solo! Dh has one more, then I think two joint ones, so hitting them out.  I am like you becs... Love a good chin wag, so I don't mind, just constantly in fear of not getting there!  I was honest about a few things today, so hope not too honest in terms of how negative the first half of the process has been.  Our new social worker is lovely, and I do feel she wants us to get there, and says things like you are ready to be a mum etc.... So I know it's ok.

I do have a date laws.... I am not sure I can be brave enough.  Despite everything I don't believe this will happen, due to stage 1 and feel really unconfident.  I know in my sensible head it will be fine, but, heart says protect, protect, protect and expect the worst.

I still have only told referees and the work colleagues that need to know and immediate family. So still lots don't, and I am desperate, but still can't tell the wider circle.  Maybe post panel.  I know I am being a dufus, but!!

Think I have waffled.  Hope everyone is ok x things are moving fast for lots and it's gives me such hope.  I can't believe some of you will be meeting your little ones soon.  It just melts my heart.  I was thinking about that first meeting the other day in a day dream as you do.... And I just don't know how I would keep it together if they came up to me and hugged me and called me mummy.... I think my heart would break into a million happy pieces... We have all waited so long for this, I hope we get our precious moments, before others expectations take over!!

Take care all xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, quick update from me. We had our medicals last night, the references have been posted back to LA, DBS checks being done and we've been allocated Sep course dates.

It's all moving very quickly!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Forgetmenot im glad ur meeting went well wont b much longer for you now xx

Paula so exciting that everything is moving for you and that ur medical is complete and dbs forms underway xx

We have a sw meeting tomorrow and she is coming to check our dbs forms, safety checks and budgets. We will also find out if we will have her through stage 2 or not xxx


----------



## becs40

Well my positivity didn't last long I'm in complete meltdown about panel! I'm thinking of a million and one reasons they'll give to defer us or turn us down. All of which are pretty stupid but possible none the less. God these next few days are going to really drag!


----------



## Lorella

Becs - you will be absolutely fine my lovely x

Off on mini break for a few days , catch up when get back. 

Hope everyone's ok xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

It will be fine x I am thinking we those thoughts too.

I think they will defer us to make an example of us... Why I don't know, but in my head.  Not told anyone in the real world about panel date yet.... Don't think I will for the fear!!

Thanks Paula, seems a lifetime away.  Due back at school and don't want to go, have to be into it and so not! Head in nurseries not strategic planning!!

Lorrella hope you have a lovely mini break x
Good luck becs x

Hope everyone else is good x


----------



## buddy01

Good luck Becs x


----------



## becs40

Thank you everyone. Still terrified just roll on Monday!


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Becs, I can imagine all the emotions you must be feeling. To be that close to your dream must be both amazing and scary!! I know it will all b fine and we can all look forward to you telling us not worry when it's our turn lol. Lovely nursery by the way. Can't wait till we get to decorate rooms!!

Forgetmenot - IT IS HAPPENING AND WILL HAPPEN!!!! We have been through too much for it. It is now our turn for something positive to happen to us and I know we will be gossiping about our kids next year  

Well we had call from SW today. She said everything was back except the DBS. I can chase mine after tomorrow but since DH's is not back till prob end Sept don't really see the point of chasing mine, might as well just wait and see. She said although we can't start stage 2 until the DBS is back she can start to 'gather information'   So she had booked us a meeting for next week!! Guess its a bit scary cus this will be the 1st proper official meeting. Even tho we have done the prep course and done all the references these visits with the SW make it all stand out as this is starting to happen. Guess my turn to do mad cleaning next week    Oh and try to get our homework finished as we have had that now since June and still haven't done it   

Anyways hi everyone else


----------



## Tw1nk82

Becs its understandable to be so nervous. So exciting though xx

Loki hope the meeting goes well next week xx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxx

We had our social worker meeting yesterday. See took our dbs forms with her and looked at a lot our of documents. It looks like we will be getting a new social worker for stage 2 so we need to waitnow for a couple of weeks xxxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Loki x so hard isn't it x I am inside oozing excitement, but reigning it in.  I should be lesson planning, but thinking nurseries!

As it's the last day of the holidays I am reflecting on the year gone by.... I always think this year it will be different, and I am starting to believe I can say that this year with a bit more conviction.  On this day a year ago, we lost our precious bubba.  I cannot believe the difference I feel now, from complete despair... To another kind of despair!!!  However, what a difference a year makes x we are ready to take on our future and I am happy (generally!)

We won't forget you bean bear, forever etched on our hearts xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Big hugs forgetme not xxxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Big hugs forgetmenot. Xxxx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

becs40 said:


> Well my positivity didn't last long I'm in complete meltdown about panel! I'm thinking of a million and one reasons they'll give to defer us or turn us down. All of which are pretty stupid but possible none the less. God these next few days are going to really drag!


What your feeling is totally natural, it doesn't help you I know but having been through it twice now all I can say is relax, enjoy and it'll be fine, promise  not long now! xx


----------



## becs40

Thanks wp! Roll on Monday! We're on at 11.30 so hoping to go out for a nice lunch to celebrate! Pushchair arrived at my mums today so had fun round there tonight putting it together and unpacking it. Just so hope this f2a placement comes off if all ok on Monday as won't be long before we can use it! 
Forgetmenot   glad your sounding positive about your future!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Exciting ladies xx fingers crossed  xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

becs40 said:


> Thanks wp! Roll on Monday! We're on at 11.30 so hoping to go out for a nice lunch to celebrate! Pushchair arrived at my mums today so had fun round there tonight putting it together and unpacking it. Just so hope this f2a placement comes off if all ok on Monday as won't be long before we can use it!
> Forgetmenot  glad your sounding positive about your future!


Wow I bet that was fun, we're collecting ours next week as I finish work on Weds, cant wait! Everything else is brought pretty much and got our baby shower next week courtesy of all my lovely friends, its so lovely the support everyones given us, I'll be watching out on Monday for your update, you'll be fine you really will xx


----------



## becs40

Yes it was. Very very pleased with it. It's staying at mums although don't know how I'm going to stay away from playing with it! Tried the isofix base and car seat it came with in parents car and that's nice and easy. This will be a spare one for them to use so that's good. Just need bubba to put in it and we can get walking!  So pleased with it, mum loves it too and she's already mastered folding it and almost unfolding lol!


----------



## Lorella

Forgetmenot - PMA! You will not be deferred Hun. They will love you. Hugs to you 😊xxx

Becs - ooh not long now! Good luck. You will fly through it x

We got a video of little pink sent yesterday! It's amazing. Just a little 20 sec clip but we've played it about 100 times as you can imagine! She's gorgeous. Can't believe still have to wait 7 weeks to meet her and still got matching panel inbetween!

Hi to all and hope everyone's ok xxx


----------



## Troodles

Becs and Lorella OMG so exciting!! I can't imagine being in your position. Can't believe you've only played the video 100 times Lorella!! Lol

Becs good luck tomorrow. Will be thinking of you with everything crossed. You will sail through Hun.

Paula, Twink and Loki good luck with next bits and those pesky DBS!!

[/size]Hugs to you forgetmenot
[/size]
[/size]Hi to everyone else. Hope you're all ok. 

We have a busy week this week. I start a new job tomorrow, DH has his 121 with SW on Tues and we have day 1 of stage 2 prep on Wed. Am so nervous about it all!!

Happy Sunday all. Lots of love and hugs xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lorella i cant imagine how you must b feeling watching the video of ur soon to be LO. It wont be long and you will be taking videos youtself xx

Good luck tomorrow becs xxx

Troodles good luck tomorrow for starting your new job and i hope the sw meetings go well xx

Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday xxxx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck for tomorrow Becs! You will be brilliant xx

Good luck too Troodles with new job 🍀 xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck Becs. Can't wait to read your update tomorrow. It will all be fine I'm sure  
Good luck in your new job too Troodles


----------



## becs40

Thanks everyone. So nervous! Can't see much sleep tonight.

Good luck Troodles, well done you!


----------



## Troodles

Thank you chicks. 

Becs sending you oodles and oodles of love and luck. Knock em dead sweetheart xxx

Love to all xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi girls have been reading but not writing....

troodles good luck with job glad you have jumped right in again.....adoption road continues hehe....so happy for you.  

Lorella....how fantastic I hope that it will be  us in a few weeks after panel how amazing.....I would be a wreak with excitement....how long now??

Becs - it sounds exciting too pushcairs always look scary even more so then having the actual childern hehe....good luck tomoro cant wait to hear....ill be in your position in three weeks so excited.... 
loki girl - how are things progressing....are you still waiting for check??

We have panel in a three weeks!!! Child social worker aware of our panel date  and hoping then it will be full steam ahead I feel like we have found our girls....all our friends are offering toys and clothes....bit scared to accept. ...

sorry if ive missed anyone...hope everyone has had a good weekend xxx


----------



## Primmer

Good luck today Becs - can't wait to read your update later.


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck becs, so much exciting stuff going on xx
Were still waiting for a call from the sw to say if they have excepted us on to stage 1.. its been 2 weeks since our initial visit. . Called Friday but no one wanted to talk to me as it was going home time:-(
Ill call again tomorrow x


----------



## becs40

Just a quickie! Unanimously approved with great relief! 
Sw wants us to wait in regards to the baby until the irh court date which is end of October. It means they would be more sure of the chances of it not proceeding to adoption so lessens the risks for us greatly. This is partly because they're new to this and don't want any problems but also to try and prevent any issues for us. Reality is we'll do all the appointments with babies sw and foster carers and said we would probably be able to meet him in the meantime then he can move straight to us after the irh. If we weren't waiting by the time we'd done those meetings etc it would most likely be end sept anyway so looking at a 3 week delay. Nice that we have some dates to work to though! 
Oh and we saw some pictures that were taken yesterday!


----------



## Ozzycat

Amazing becs, congratulations so exciting for you x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations becs xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Becs so thrilled for you. You must be on cloud nine!!! Glad that you won't have too much of a wait and hopefully your little boy will be home before too long. 

Prob all feels a bit surreal at the mo but huge congratulations to you both. 

Laws you'll be next  

I have just put in a chase on my DBS. Been over 60 days so thought might as well. They then have 10 days to get it to me. Hopefully we won't have to chase DH's as well as then it def won't be back before we go on holiday. So no stage 2 starting for us till at least mid Oct at the earliest   So much for stage one taking 2mths!! Ours will be looking at 3 and a half months at this rate!!! Still at least with a holiday to look forward to in 3 weeks it will help pass the time. Nothing we can do except cross off the days. Tick tock tick tock    

Hope everyone else doing ok. I'm doing my last day of summer nannying today as kids have inset day. Got to rush home then and clean the house and hope it stays relatively clean for SW visit on Wed. Be just my luck to think no I'll leave the upstairs and she'll want to go look around as she hasn't done that yet. At least finally got homework finished just need to add few bits to the chronology form. I am so sick of writing out all my nanny jobs for the last 24yrs!!! Hoping that will be the end of it now lol.


----------



## Primmer

Huge congrats Becs, exciting times ahead for you in the near future! So pleased for you


----------



## Lorella

Whoop whoop! Great news Becs! You are a mummy to be! Good feeling isn't it. All sounds fab! So pleased for you x

You're up next Laws! X

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 
Teamug
Becs

Panel Date

Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th
Troodles - November 12th
Jalops - December 3rd


December
Notgivingup

January
Twink

TBC
Forgetmenot
Lous mummy
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Freedo
RocketJ


----------



## Troodles

Becs

Fanbloodytastic!!!!! Congratulations. So so pleased for you. 

Sounds amazing xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Well done Becs!!!!


----------



## teamug

Evening all

Sorry not caught up with all of the news, hope all going well  we hope to be shown some profiles soon, off to France for a short break for a few days so I will catch up with you all when back.

Becs - brilliant news major congratulations


----------



## rupertbear

Hi everyone, I'd like to join you in limbo land. We were approved on 16th August for a 0-3 years child.  I am impatient and feel like i am trapped in an airport lounge with no idea when (or if) my plane is going to depart.  Am trying to keep busy, but find it hard not to be able to plan ahead.  We have been on the adoption journey since April 2013 (very lethargic LA!) and had hoped to have our new addition at home with us by now, so all plans for moving house, going on holiday, even planning where to spend xmas, have been put on hold. I've ripped up my year planner.  It will be worth it in the end, but it is hard to not know the timescales involved (yes, I am realising I am somewhat of a control freak!). Although I would wish for everyone on here to have a speedy match with their forever children, it is reassuring to know I am not slowly grinding my teeth in impatience alone!  No word yet from my social worker, but I do have faith in her so am happy (for now) to leave my fate in her hands. Luckily  I am married to the most laid back man in Britain, so he keeps me from panicking and reminds me we've been waiting for a second child (we are very fortunate to have a charming little boy aged 5 already) for 4 years now, so what's another few months? His optimism keeps me going! All the best to everyone. I remain inspired by stories that have a happy ending and by the immense strength shown by everyone on this roller coaster of a ride. x
PS I have not caught up with all the stories on here, only got to page 40 when I realised its the wee small hours of the morning and my bed is calling me; many congratulations to all who have reached their match!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats becs x 

My dream is over for now..... Back to work  !!

All I thinking about is little people things and not the ones in front of me...

If I can muster the fight, I am going to see my head teacher..... Will probably bottle it xx

Have a lovely day every one, back to posh shoes and tights.... Poor feet!!


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## Loki Girl

Haha. Good luck Forgetmenot. Hope your 1st day back is not too stressful. I am the other way in my job, been a busy stressful summer but now will start to wind down. The bunch of muppets they hired to tackle the summer (who were as useful as God knows what!!) will be on the way back to schools and universities. They may be smart but God common sense is non abundant   and I should be left with a half decent team who know what they are doing and I won't have to spend my whole day chasing them and spoon feeding them to get things done!!! 

Welcome Rupertbear and congrats on being approved!!! I think that would be worse as well if you get approved and they have nothing in the pipeline for you. They have to get it dead right because of your little boy so hang in there and I'm sure your perfect little one will b found soon  

Have a good day everyone


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## Troodles

Hi all

Hope you're all doing ok. Welcome Rupertbear. Hope things start happening soon for you. 

We're going to first day of stage 2 prep today. Am looking forward to it but but nervous too. Am fretting about what to wear at the mo. What can I wear that makes me look slim and like a great potential mummy? Lol

Have a good day all. Big hugs
T xxx


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## becs40

Hi everyone, welcome Rupertbear.
Thanks for all the good wishes.
Troodles, that was soooo me on Monday morning for panel lol! How many changes of clothes! Enjoy!


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## pyjamas

rupertbear- you are definitely not alone feeling as you do. every day I live in hope of a phone call or email from SW which doesn't come. You do sometimes think is all this heartache worth it but the positive posts on here keep you going x


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## Troodles

Hi all

Hope you're doing ok. 

So first day of training done. 2 more to go. Was an ok day. Really luck with the other people. All really friendly and down to earth. Found some of the content interesting but at times felt like a granny being taught to suck eggs. All in all a good day though. Next one isn't until 17th

Take care all x x x


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## Ozzycat

Ahhhhhhh finally heard back from the sw (15 days after our initial meeting) and in short they thought wed already signed up with the va and so rejected our application to start stage 1? ?!!?? They then left it on the desk of the sw who'd seen us who was on holiday for 2 weeks. .
She apologised,  corrected the mistake but now the managers don't meet again for another week! 
I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come!

Glad it went well today troodles x


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## Troodles

What a nightmare Ozzy. Let's just hope it's a case of get the mistakes out if the way u. The beginning and the rest will go like clockwork!!  Good luck and thanks x x x


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## becs40

Troodles was wondering how it went! 
Ozzy how frustrating for you. Hopefully as Ozzy says it'll go smoothly now.
Interestingly when we were at panel on Monday they told us they were rushing through the ratification to make sure they were within timescale targets so our LA definitely are hot on them! We started beginning of March and had ap panel on 1st sept, should get ratification tomorrow.


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## Loki Girl

Ozzy how frustrating. Glad it's almost all sorted and you'll be starting your journey. 

I'm a little frustrated after our 1st proper SW visit yesterday. The good thing was although we aren't 'officially' starting stage 2 cus of the DBS checks not being back we are 'unofficially' starting it (and have signed the agreement to start) otherwise they won't meet their targets lol. So she has booked us in for weekly Wed meetings for the next 8 weeks. Blimey mite be tearing my hair out by then lol!! But anyways I don't know if it was just me being a bit on edge or DH but I just felt we didnt come across well. We did family tree first and I sat patiently and listened while DH explained all about his very small 'perfect' family. Mine is not so perfect. It's large and there are family rifts with some aunties and uncles ( my mom is one of . I have loads of cousins as one of my aunties has 8 kids and some of their kids now have kids   I don't know half of them let alone see them yet DH only has 2. He then had to pipe in with well how many of your cousins were at the wedding!!!!!! I was like well one because I don't see any of the others. I mean why did he have to say that. Just because everyone of his family was at our wedding!!  I then explained my brother is married but separated. I thought that was all that was needed to be said but no DH jumps in with its a bit strange because they are separated and live in different houses during the week but sleep over together every weekend!!!! I mean really? Does she have to know that?!! I settled down but there were other bits he was jumping in with. So now I'm in panic and reading way too much into how she has seen us for her 1st proper session. I am an over analysing person I know but so much lies on this one woman!!! She did say it had gone well but she would wouldn't she? The other thing she said which I was a bit like what? was she knows I am adopted which I am very comfortable with and always have been. She asked me if I had thought about searching for my birth family and I said thruthfully no. I have sometimes wondered in the past if I look like either of my birth parents but that's as far as I go. I have a little information about them and that's all I have needed. SW just seems to look at me and said well we will investigate that further because panel will want to know. I was like know what? Just because they hark on about these children will want to search for their parents does that mean I'm not ok cus I don't? My brother and I always knew we were adopted and we had a lovely happy childhood with no problems cus of being adopted. If our children want to search then I will help them just as I'm sure my parents would of helped me if I had wanted to. 

Anyways sorry to go on just feeling really out of sorts today. Has anyone else found this and does it get better lol?!!!

Talked to DH about it and he said it was fine and I worry too much. Duh lol!! I thought we had been a bit on edge about things and he said maybe we were bickering a bit recently but then I got up this morning to all these little I love you notes. It was so cute. We also have our holiday in 3 weeks so really looking forward to that and think we will then come back nice and relaxed although half the sessions by then will be over lol. Anyways must stop worrying lol. 

Sorry for the me post and hope everyone else doing on lol


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## becs40

Ah Loki  ,
I would try not to worry. There's an awful lot more assessing to be done before anything gets written. She'll explore all these things in more detail as you go along. We all over analyse the first session but it's a tiny part of it. As she gets to know you better things will become easier. At the end of the day when you get your par you can disagree with anything you want to, she has the option to change it and if she thinks it's still valid you can comment that you don't agree. 
As for DH yup I would have clouted him!       sadly they all have their moments, mine decided his was in panel by not remembering what programs he'd watched as research!   Not the best impression but we survived!


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## Forgetmenot

I think he was over compensating as men feel that don't say much and wants to be involved... He probably thought he was helping lol!!

It will be ok, I am like you.  I feel the pressure of this one woman deciding our future..... Whether or not we will be a mummy or not.  I think (tell me off when I moan and am inpatient ) I am so anxious about this, that if and when we are approved I will be ok waiting... I will want to get on with it, but no one is saying no to me and that's what I need to hear.  Long way off to be that xx


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## Paulapumpkin

Loki - I am like you, I analyse too much. My DH is laid back and just says they can take me how they find me. He will question people if he feels he needs too, I've told him not to frighten the SW off. He will follow processes so far but not if he feels it's silly. Did you do your homework as part of the prep course or does it need to be done before stage 2 meetings?

We start our prep course next Tuesday.

I am sure the next 8 meetings with your SW will fly by Loki and you've got a holiday to look forward to. Do you think you will go to panel before Xmas?

X


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## Loki Girl

Aww thank you ladies. Your comments have really helped and glad I am not the only insane one   Lol. You are right Becs and am trying to tell myself there are more sessions for her to get to know us and I'm sure it will be fine. 

Paula your DH sounds so much like mine. It's exactly how he is. I really don't think they get it in the same way we worry even tho I know this means as much to him as it does to me. We had our homework given to us before prep and we had done it and gave it to her yesterday. Everyone is different but yes I would say ours had to be completed before stage 2. She has taken it away to analyse lol. Our homework this week is the pet questionnaire. I don't know if we will make panel before Xmas. It depends whether they take the date of starting stage 2 from now meaning we would be ready beginning of Jan. I think it will be New Year which would be nice. We have spent most of the last few New Years being so despondent because it marked another year of not bring a Mummy. Hopefully 2015 will be a good start for lots of us lol.


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## Primmer

Loki - I understand your fears, I worry about what I say and how it will come across and my DH just says whatever is in his head! 

I am getting worried that we won't be ready for panel. We were told sw had to submit our par by 18 sept for us to go to panel on 15 oct. During our last meeting with sw a couple of weeks ago she said she would visit 3 of our references and dh's daughter and email us a 1st draft of the par. Sw hasn't contacted any of the references to fix dates for visits and we haven't seen any drafts of par and as I think sw only works 3 days a week time is running out. I emailed sw on Monday to check if she needed anything from us and she told me she would contact my mum who gave a reference but she hasn't done so. Hate things being out of my control!


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## rosex86

Hi ladies,

Just had a call from SW to say that she will be recommending us into stage 2 but there is a waiting list of about a month at the moment to be allocated as they've lost two SW's in ther team.

Anyways she said nothing of major concern with our references or medicals the only comments that came back on the medicals were on mine and regarding my BMI which kind of shocked me because all throughout our TTC journey I've been told to loose weight ( bmi of 32 and size 14/16 depending on shops) now I know that yes I am in the obese BMI category but I've struggled with weight loss and don't consider myself that grossly overweight and can't care for a child.

She said they would like to explore in stage 2 the possibility of weight loss and leading a healthy lifestyle which we are improving now anyway. I'm just so gutted that yet again my weight seems to be an issue and yet there are millions on parents who are twice my size with children doing a great job raising children.

Am I overreacting? 

Xx


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## Primmer

Rosex - firstly congrats on being recommended for stage 2. If you have a month delay before starting then use that time to list what steps you are and will take to promote a healthy lifestyle. If you can demonstrate that you are fit and active and have a healthy lifestyle you should be fine. My BMI wasn't too bad and wasn't picked up on medicals or discussed at any stage but I knew I could do with losing some weight and definitely not gaining and so I joined slimming world which is a healthy eating plan so that if I was asked I could show a commitment to improving myself and I have lost one and a half stone fairly easily and actually enjoy going. Bit of a ramble but what I am trying to say is weight doesn't need to be an obstacle if you can demonstrate fitness and healthy lifestyle.


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## becs40

Primmer try not to worry. Our sw did her referee visits the week before she sent us our draft par. We got the draft par on the Tuesday before she was supposed to submit it on the Friday. She made the amendments and she had an extension to submit it to the Monday so all very last minute but fine. It will be done it's just we're on ss time zones now lol.

Rosex don't worry you'll be fine. We were approved at panel on Monday and had the official decision yesterday and my bmi is 37. They brought it up at panel but all they wanted to know was how we were addressing it. I'd lost 5 stone through slimming world all be it over 4 years so told them that, said was trying to continue to lose weight, explained we eat very healthily, no takeaways etc, we cook everything from scratch and I pretty much mean EVERYTHING lol so know exactly what we're eating. Advised about exercising that I walk and cycle regularly and although I'm fat, I'm fit and fat! Also said at the moment in a sedentary desk job so when I stop work and will be running round after a little one that will help too. You'll be fine. Good luck.


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## StarryEyed

Just a quick message to say hi and I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Returned to work and been crazy busy. A big congratulations to becs. That mummy to be list is getting longer! Welcome to any newbies.

No news from me otherwise. X


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## becs40

Thanks Starry. How's things going? Any progress for you?


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## StarryEyed

No progress, decided not to chase my social worker for at least a week and unsurprisingly heard nothing despite the counsellor they want me to see being back from holiday. Also think my social worker is going on holiday again this month although this is only through the grapevine. Waiting to see if I hear anything next week but so far nothing


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## becs40

Oh starry you have such patience I'm in awe! What is it with sw's always being on holiday at crucial moments! I hope you hear something this week.


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## Lorella

Just popping in to say hi 🙋

Been crazy week going back to school. It's been quite stressful as only   Going back for a month but of course still got to get all class ready, planning etc as well as my coordinator stuff ready (you'll know what I mean Forgetmenot!). 
On top of that I've had an allergic reaction and all glands came up and whole body itching and swelling! Was thinking all sorts of things wrong with me but think that's all it is! Don't need this while waiting to welcome new daughter into our lives!!

Anyway feeling better today and got loads of backlog work done. Fingers crossed only 4 wks 2 days left at work!

SW coming tomorrow with her matching form got us to sign and add something to. We did a big name reveal last week just to family that was fun 😊

Hi rupertbear - hope you get a link soon. 

Starry - hope you hear from counsellor soon. 

Rose - don't worry. They say they are gonna explore a lot of things in stage 2 as they have too as it's part of their procedure. I temember when they said they wanted to 'explore' things with me, I cried! It sounded so worrying but then half the things she never even mentioned or just touched upon. You'll be fine x

Primmer - any news?

Paula- good luck with prep!

Hope everyone else is ok xxx


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## Freedo

Hi all, hope everyone's ok. Sorry haven't posted for a while, everything moving good, medicals this week and then carry on with visits sw said panel, dec/jan time!! Just enjoying it ATM! Xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Lorrella, yours school must be secretly mad!!
But so so exciting x x
I can't believe how crazy it is four days in.
Hope everyone is ok.
Still more talking to do for us!!


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## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone sorry for lack of personals im at work   we received our recommendation to move to stage 2 and had to reply to say we wanted to continue to stage 2 right away. We are booked on our last training course on the 9th of October xx


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## Laws1612

Hi all. 
Sorry I haven't posted for a little while have been keeping up but so busy haven't had chance to write.

Troodles how is the new job? 

Lorella how long left now before little one is home?

Twinkl - congrats I have enjoyed stage 2 seeing the social worker regular made it feel like it was getting closer quickly hehe....I'm very impatient....lol

Forgetmenot - how is school, have you spoke to your boss.....how's it all coming along. 

Becs- congrats on approval how you getting on ? 

Loki girl.....how you getting on.....

Sorry everyone else....hope you are all well and it's coming along for all of you....won't be long until all of our families are complete. 

We are hopefully finding out time for panel tomorrow very exciting everything done now almost feels unreal it's all over quicker than a normal pregnancy lol......hoping our two lo are still waiting for us.....
What's people advise regarding seeing SW prior to panel to run thro what happens SW has given us a choice to see us the week before or on the day? Xxxx


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## becs40

No news with us. All at a halt due to lo's sw being on leave! Hoping we'll hear more at the end of the week. 
We only met our sw 10 minutes before panel on Monday. Nothing really to run through because she wouldn't know what questions they'll ask. At the end of the day she said to us you'll know the answers because the questions are about you! She was right of course but doesn't stop you fretting. 
We're going away this weekend, our first break in 5 years! Leaving the doggie with my parents so just hope she'll settle, I'm a fretting mummy already! We're off to Ludlow for the food festival. Really looking forward to it and determined to make the most of it even if it is just a couple of days. We also want to get a trip to London in before anything happens so just organising things to keep us busy and distracted for the next few weeks. 
I can cope with waiting until end of October for him I just need to know that this is the definite plan and get things moving. It's the not knowing that's the killer.


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## Loki Girl

Aww Laws not long now. Bet u can't believe its finally here. It's def a bit surreal to think it hadn't been as long as a normal pregnancy!! Hopefully ours will be same. At least now we are into stage 2 even tho DBS still not back. 

I know they was someone on here who's DBS took longer than the 60 days but can't remember who it was. Put an escalation request on mine and it said if you haven't heard in 10 days call the DBS. It's day 9 for me today so only 1 more day before the 10 days is up. Just wondered if the other lady had to call after the 10 days or was it back and if it wasn't back what was the next step?

We have our 2nd SW visit tomorrow and I'm hoping it will feel better than the one last week. I'm trying to be more relaxed but thought I was last week till DH kept piping in lol. I think as well is I hate not being prepared so trying to sort out a family tree which is complicated and has lots of people in front of a stranger was difficult. It's all very well for DH and his 2 cousins lol. We met one of the couples on our prep course on the weekend for dinner which was nice but funny how SW's within the same team do things differently. They were given their family tree to work on before she visited and they have been given a home safety check sheet to think about. I would of much preferred to of thought about my family tree and presented it properly instead of worrying more about the fact I don't even know how to draw one    I have no idea what she wants to talk about tomorrow which doesn't bode well for me. I like to know  

Anyways at least we are moving forward without stupid DBS being back. Not sure when we will know a panel date as our SW doesn't seem to want to discuss things in future. One of the other couples said they had been told stage 2 prep course was 23rd Oct as we will all missed the 23rd Aug when we asked our SW she just said we'll see   I mean can she not even share that bit of info? So def think this is going to be a real test of my patience with her  

Becs I can imagine the waiting is so hard I know I would find it difficult too. It will all be worth it in the end. 

Tw1nk glad we are still at same stage. Although we never had a meeting to move onto stage 2 cus DBS not back just sign the agreement and we will 'unofficially' move on lol. 

Hi everyone else. Xx


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## Ozzycat

Ok just going to have a quick rant... sw finally called back and there resubmitting my forms today for stage 1 but theyve put forward a strong recommendation that we change our form of contraception to something more reliable than condoms... what!!
I don't want to go back on anything thats going to mess with my hormones it sends me loopy!!
They also want us doing over night babysitting but all my friends and even my sil said their children would get distressed about that.. so I don't know what to do! 
We haven't even got onto stage 1 yet and im starting to have doubts!!!
I


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## Loki Girl

Ozzie really!!! I can't believe that has come up so early. We never got asked anything like that and still haven't even tho we are now in stage 2!!! We actually don't use anything as I haven't got pregnant naturally since my miscarriage 4yrs ago bet they would love that!!! I would honestly just say yes ok and leave it at that. If they want proof just go get a pack from the doctor and show them that you don't have to use it. 

As for the babysitting overnight can you sleep I ever at their houses so they are there or have your SIL stay at our house with the kids and you can then pretend you have done that? We have only ever had my 7yr old nephew stay once on his own but they haven't asked anything like that as yet. You are right tho we would have difficulties as my friends and family with young kids wouldn't do that either as we don't see them regularly enough to warrant the being comfortable at a young age to sleep over. 

Personally if it was me I'd just say yeah ok then leave it, get onto stage 1 and you may find your actual SW doesn't even mention it. 

Hopefully some one else will be along to maybe offer some other suggestions? I just find it so weird that some agencies are so particular about stuff so early on and others don't even ask. Is it a LA you are applying to?


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## Ozzycat

Thanks Loki, ur right,  hubby also suggested I just go and get a few packets of pills if its really going to be an issue. ..
Were "trying" to go with our LA but there not making it easy as they misread our paperwork and rejected our application as they thought we'd already signed with another agency and so far its taken 3 weeks to sort it as sw was o  holiday. ..
It's just soooo frustrating,  the hoops u have to jump thro to adopt, no wonder so many people are put off.
Fingers crossed we'll get a call In the next few days to say were starting stage 1 and we can start to feel like we're moving forward x


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## becs40

Oh Ozzy that's really pretty crap. We were asked about contraception or rather told we should think about it and we really do need to ensure that whatever happens we do something particularly once we start matching. We don't use anything but I have to say now we're being linked with this lo it terrifies me the thought of getting pregnant and it messing this up so we will now be using something. As I've never been pregnant naturally or via 3 ivf cycles it's highly highly unlikely.
In regards to overnight childcare, we were in the same situation. I was very hands on with my nephews when they were younger although never had sole care overnight, it was raised at panel and I just explained I was confident I wasn't lacking experience in that area due to my experience with them all be it quite some time ago and have a very strong support network locally so wasn't concerned. Said we have been spending more time with friends and their young children and being more hands on but still no sole care.


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## Primmer

Loki - our DBS took over 60 days even after escalation. I emailed the DBS to complain and they then emailed a long response a few days later with the steps they were taking to chase it up and kept me updated by email and after that it took about another couple of weeks until we received it I think. 

Ozzy - that sounds frustrating! We were told at initial sw interview before starting stage 1 that we may be asked to use a contraception but it has never been mentioned again since. We have also not been asked about overnight childcare although DH has a daughter who has now grown up but that may have assisted in that he brought her up. 

Our SW met with my parents today and is meeting one of our other references tomorrow. I still think she wants to meet DH's daughter and meet another reference. SW told my parents today that she hoped to email the PAR Report in draft to us by Friday so that we have the weekend to review and comment upon it. Fingers crossed!


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## pyjamas

We were told at initial interview that we should be using contraception. We weren't but said that we  were, and it was never mentioned again. Obviously now I have had hysterectomy it is not necessary! but we were approved before I knew I was having the op. Don't know what to suggest about the overnight babysitting. I have a stepson so it wasn't an issue for us. Probably just doing things during the day or being overnight in same house as well as parent will be enough. Good Luck x


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## Ozzycat

Thanku lovely ladies x
The question about contraception came up at our initial interview with the sw 3 weeks ago and we told her we were using condoms and the eptopic scarred me too much to try naturally. . But apparently the managers didn't think that answer was acceptable hence the request we consider other forms of contraception! ! Crazy.. feels very intrusive. .. their welcome to pop over when we get frisky and I can show them the wrapper b4 we start and the end product when weve finished  
Gotta make light of it otherwise ill loose the plot!!

I think we'll just do sleep overs with my twin nephews and mum and dad can stay x


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## Tw1nk82

laws hope panel went well xx

loki i cant believe you still havent had your dbs forms back yet. so fustrating. At least they are still letting you progress through stage 2. hope your sw meeting goes well. I cant believe how every sw does things differently. It nice that you have been out for dinner with another couple from your prep group. We have got friendly with a couple from ours too which is really nice that they know exactly what we are going through xx

Ozzy i would just get the pills too just to keep them happy xxx

Primmer somexciting that you could be reading your PAR at the weekend xxx

Hi to becs pyjamas lorella and to everyone else i have forgot xxx

Still waiting to hear from our new sw hopefully it will be soon. I want to sort out what days our meetings will be on so i can arrange with work xxxx


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## Primmer

Twink - think it was couple if weeks before we heard from sw, think they like to make sure that when they contact you they have times in diary to suggest for meetings. Our sw was very good and all our meetings were at 9am so we could go to work after. Hope you hear soon.


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## Lorella

Hi everyone

Ooh Laws - exciting! Not long now. We had a 3pm slot. 4 wks still to go for matching panel for us. It's ok though as got things to do. Had to fill in another form to say why LO today. Also a lovely colleague gave us a stair gate so had fun fitting that tonight! Plus work are organising a baby shower for me! Can't believe gonna (fingers crossed) have one! Won't feel real!

Ozzycat - can't believe that. Sounds very strict to me! We got told to use contraception but never checked up or asked what type. Like some of you others we never have though. We are being more careful now though as you do feel differently when matched (as Becs said). I do feel that I don't want to get pregnant as we have our baby waiting for us. Wouldn't want to lose her. 

Only 4 more Mondays to work and then I am gonna make it my mission never to work Mondays again!! I hate Mondays. 

Hi to all xxx


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## becs40

Lol Lorella, I gave up Mondays 2 years ago so we could schedule as much of the ivf etc around those days! Have to say it does make the weeks fly by. Mind you what I'd give right now to have some proper plans and know that this is really happening. Want to be able to really get organised and plan everything and know when I finish work etc. flipping lo's sw is on leave until Thursday so won't hear anything before then at the earliest. 
You must be so excited on the countdown now Lorella! I so hope everything comes together with this lo as we will have them home both about the same time!


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## Troodles

Hi ladies


Hope you're all ok. So sorry for lack of personals but feeling really stressed out and need to have a rant. 


Had 121 with SW today. Nearly 4 hours!!!!


At a meeting a couple of weeks ago she said she thought I would be a bit loud for a vulnerable child and she didn't think I would be professional on panel. This really upset me and said to DH that I would speak to her. He said don't bother she's just trying to get a reaction. 


Fast forward to today and she said it again, "oh I'm worried that you aren't professional and don't know how you'll be on panel"
I stayed calm and said well I was an executive assistant to high ranking senior officers in the police for over 20 years so I know how to be professional. I'm not professional when I'm sat on my sofa in my house. I could tell from her reaction that she is t going to change her mind. I really don't know where she has gotten this from and am concerned about our PAR and what she's going to put. Am feeling so stressed and upset about this. It don't know what to do   


Xxx


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## becs40

Ah Troodles, try not to panic. There's an awful lot that goes into your par and until you see it we all worry. The truth is it's a factual document and not one of opinions other than the way she feels you've dealt with things etc. personality really doesn't or certainly didn't figure in mine. You do also read the par before anyone else does and can request things are amended if necessary. If sw doesn't agree your comments are logged on the par. She's going to look pretty stupid if she says she thinks you're whatever kind of personality and the panel see a completely different person! 
You will be absolutely fine honey, I promise you when you read your par you will see exactly what I mean. Chin up!


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## Ozzycat

Troodles sending you massive  
We already cant stand sw and how judgemental they are but stay strong because when ur putting ur little one to bed u wont be giving them a second thought x


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## Primmer

Troodles - sending you hugs   I can understand why you are upset. I don't see why you need to come across as professional when sw us meeting you at your home. You are supposed to be relaxed and informal so that you can have honest discussions.


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## Loki Girl

Troodles that is totally insane   Could you ask her what is more important - you being professional at panel and maybe coming across as hard and unloving or a down to earth person who's loving and will give a child a great home. If I was on a panel I know how I would rather see someone!!! It's utterly ridiculous. Becs as usual has some great advice. It's her opinion and they can't base everything round that one statement. And the being too loud thing is ridiculous. There are going to be loud people in a child's life (and I'm pretty sure you are not on par with Mr Noisy   ) My husbands family are really loud and it takes some getting used too so kids will as well. It's utter nonsense. 

I'm not too sure on our SW either but today is 2nd visit, have no idea what we are discussing today but hopefully will feel better than I did last week. As long as she doesn't keep doing her usual umming and we'll see!!!!!

Hang in there Troodles like Ozzy said think of the future when we will have those little ones and won't give a damn what SW's think


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## Loki Girl

Phew - happy to report 2nd meeting with SW was much much better then last week. We did relationships so it was nice just talking about us and SW seemed relaxed and positive or maybe I was a bit more relaxed lol. 

She bought up the issue of DH being overweight as the medical assessor had bought it up so just need to try and prove he's trying to lose it. We think tho as he's on medication for his under active thyroid that that doesn't help but we'll see. 

Think next week we are doing our infertility so can't wait for that - not!!!!

But for now a happier Loki Girl and happy DH didn't put his foot in it this week


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## Ozzycat

Whooooo just got the call.. stage 1 here we come  

Loki really pleased u had a good session today

Hope everyone is good x


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## Loki Girl

Yay Ozzy - great news. The ball is finally rolling for you


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## Tw1nk82

lorella how exciting that you only have to work a few more mondays xxx

Troodles i cant believe your sw is being like that i agree with what everyone else has said. Try not to stress to much xxx

loki im glad your meeting went better today xxx

ozzy great news for atarting stage 1 xxxx

becs hope you are doing ok xxx

Primmer i had waiting and i know its something i have to do but dont they realise i want to start stage 2 like yesterday lol xxx

hi to everyone else xxxx


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## Primmer

Ozzy - great news, congrats on stage 1

Loki - glad to hear you had a better second visit, sounds positive.


----------



## Tw1nk82

my sw has just rang to say she is coming to see us on saturday morning at 9.00 to sort out our stage 2 plan. yey so excited xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Sorry I've not posted in ages; I've had nothing to report, but have still been reading to keep up with what you're all doing. It sounds as though things are really moving with the stage 2 meetings for lots of people!

I spoke to my LA today and they have finally found a SW to be my stage 2 assessor. I've already completed the prep courses, so hopefully I will hear from her to arrange our first meeting in the next few days.


----------



## Troodles

Thank you so much ladies. As usual you are amazingly supportive and I don't know what I'd do without you all!

Still feeling rubbish but trying to put it out of my head. Had first day back at Rainbows earlier so that was nice.

Loki so glad meeting went well. We've got me being fat and our infertility to look forward to. Can't wait!!!!!

Ozzy, Twink and rocket. Congrats on starting stage 1 and 2. It's really happening!!!

Hi to all. 

Lots of love and thanks again xxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Hello everyone,

Sorry I have been a little bit absent of late, I have been up to my eyes in decorating! also had a lovely holiday in Mallorca which was a well deserved break! 

I have been nipping on here and there though to check everyones progress, and wow! things are really progressing  

As for me, I had my first stage 2 home visit yesterday! finally! I have been booked in to panel on the 8th December and I couldn't be more delighted! although now the pressure is on to finish the house   still, it feels nice to have something to work towards.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Lots of exciting updates x

Sorry for no personals.... It's crazy being back at work, but a relief to get off planet adoption.  There is no time now schools back!!

Dh has had his last solo meet, and we have two more to go.  It's so scary that someone soon (well a little while) is going to decide if I am allowed to be a mummy.  It's such an overwhelming feeling of helplessness..... And what ifs.  What if they say no.... 

I cannot believe we are so close, yet so far and still don't know what next year will yet bring.  Feeling tired, clearly!!  Roll on the weekend x lots of love xx


----------



## Laws1612

Lorella thats amazing news.....wow super news what a year you have had....hehe

becs I completely agree the waiting is terrible much worst than the process lol....there's always a new hoop to jump through....everyone more exciting than the pervious....cause of the chance of the two girls comin through for us I jist wanna know im gonna need two of everything haha.....

Forgetmenot.....you are so close....forever mummy list is touching distance..work is defo a good reality check....altho all I think is ill be on mat leavr soon lol.

lous mummmy wow you are moving quick congrats....hiws all the decorating going?

Rocket congrats.....you will be getting a date soon how exciting. ...we are all so close now.....

troodles im sure everything will sort its self out... sure you wouldn't have got as far as you have if they really concerned. ...what a pain tho.....Your right everyone on here is great woth being supportive this is like my ******** finding out what everyone is up too its so lovely....Maybe one day we could organise playdates for all of us....

Hi primmer, twick, ozzycat and loki girl....sorry if ive missed everyone ( however think ive done good hehe) 

Hugs to everyone xxxx


----------



## pyjamas

Had an email from SW. She has sent our PAR to a child's SW and is waiting to hear back, so fingers crossed   she also put us forward for the next Activity Day which is in October but said she hopes we will not need to go! x


----------



## Laws1612

Pyjamas woohoo.....congrats.....keep us updated cant wait to hear...how old are they? Blue or pinks? Xxxx


----------



## Primmer

SW spent yesterday typing up our PAR and then last night we received some emails from SW requesting some further info and with a form to complete. All seems a little last minute but did it all last night and emailed it back to SW about 10pm so feeling tired today! SW seeing another of out references this morning and so will have met with 3 of our 6 reference givers. If all goes well we should see our draft PAR later today and if not over the weekend! 

We were asked to name a guardian to look after child in event that we die which seems odd seeing as we haven't been approved let alone matched with a child. Has anyone else been asked this?


----------



## Laws1612

Hi primmer.....they asked us the same question on our a last meeting I didnt think it was strange but I guess they have to cover there bases.....we picked our sister in law didnt even have to think about it....when you at panel xx


----------



## Primmer

Hi Laws - I just thought that we should probably ask the person we had in mind before putting their name down and so panicked and said we would let SW know. Our PAR is due to be with SW's manager by 18/09/14 and then we go to panel on 15/10/14.


----------



## becs40

Hi Primmer we had to nominate a first and second choice and confirm they were happy to proceed should the need arise. Our first choice was easy but we really struggled with a second! 

Feeling annoyed and completely peed off today with nothing happening. Trying to be patient as our sw said child's sw was on leave until yesterday so accepted we wouldn't hear anything until then. Chased up late yesterday afternoon and got short reply back that need to arrange a meeting with child's sw but no idea when this is happening! Think because they've said they now want to wait until the next hearing for lo at end of October they think the time pressure is not on. It's less than 6 weeks and the plan that has been talked about is for lo to come to us straight after that. We do need to sort things out with work etc so this can't be left until the 6th week so feeling really frustrated. This was about 5 weeks ago at least that this lo was mentioned to us and we've had some info back but not all our questions answered that we sent over 4 weeks ago. Child's sw had our par 3 weeks ago. Am I being unreasonable in not hearing anything? If it were a case that they hadn't identified a potential match it would be a different matter but we feel we've been told bout this match and on the info we have why to proceed yet we still haven't even been told if this is going to happen! 
I can see it getting to the court day end nothing being in place so they then turn round and say well final hearing is only 6 weeks may as wait for that rather than f2a. Which would then mean another wait of minimum of 4 weeks for matching panel and la don't move children in December so would be new year. This is ridiculous, they've identified him as f2a yet the way they're going there's little chance of that happening. Feeling really sad that he and we would miss out another 4 months because of the way ss drag things out.


----------



## pyjamas

SW don't seem to realise the heartache and anxiety we go through while waiting for them to get back to us!   all we know so far about our possible match is that she is a 14 month old little girl in our county. SW didn't want to tell us anymore at this stage in case things don't work out x


----------



## becs40

We were told of this lo 2 weeks before approval panel with the suggestion being because it's foster to adopt he would move to us almost straight away after panel. Now because of the recent court cases making stupid decisions they said they wanted us to wait until the irh hearing so they can feel more confident it will proceed to adoption. Again on the basis he'll come to us pretty much straight away. The hearing is in 6 weeks and sw still won't confirm this is a definite plan an start putting things in place. I will be giving up work but hubby is in a senior management job do needs to put things in place for him to take leave. 6 weeks is no time at all to not know for sure this is what's going to happen and prepare for it.
Quite sure a sw couldn't walk out on their jobs in that time frame so why should they expect it to be different for other people.


----------



## Primmer

Becs - I can certainly understand why you are frustrated. Like you said, you need to have plans and timescales in place. Really hope your hear soon about moving things forward before the next hearing


----------



## Lous mummy

Laws, the decorating is a nightmare really, still waiting for the kitchen to be finished, everything that I can do myself is done but waiting on tradesman is becoming a headache  
Now I only have 3 months to finish everything! Eeek!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sw came yesterday and planned in 8 meetings with us at weekends and after work which is brill. She also wants us to go to nursery for three afternoons which i am looking forward to. She counted up our weeks and week 16 falls on the 27th of December so hopefully we will go to panel before christmas. She will let us know this week xx

Sorry for lack of personals but i hope everyone is doing ok xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Sounds like lots of people are busy with the back to school workload. Been a hectic week but feeling reenergised after a lovely day yesterday with some other single adopters. Still no news from my social worker despite expecting to hear this week or last and it turns out she is on leave... yet again. 4 weeks split over 3 occasions over 3 months. Somewhat frustrating that we have been at a standstill since June but taking it in my stride and making the most of the opportunities I'm having. Off to a conference on adoption support next month.


----------



## Primmer

Major stress time -    draft par was supposed to be with us on Friday then SW said over the weekend - but as at 8pm on Sunday no PAR as yet - praying our panel won't get put back


----------



## Forgetmenot

As long as with panel the week before, you will be ok.... so still a little time.  Bet it will be all last minute to test how you handle pressure lol!!
Fingers crossed for the morning xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi primmer try not to panic....draft will probs arrive tomorrow....our social worker was still waiting on paperwork two days before ours had to be submitted to panel.....very stressful...going to be so worth it when its all over....just keep focus xxx


----------



## Lorella

Lots to catch up on!

Troodles - that us ridiculous. I'm not surprised you were upset. I don't see why having an outgoing personality can be a criticism! I am sure it will be fine. Try not to worry. Hugs xx

Ozzycat - congrats on starting stage 1 

Pyjamas - exciting! Fingers crossed  

Primmer - yes we were asked that too. Just said any of our siblings. Try not to worry about the par. I am sure I will come through in time  

Becs - sorry you've been feeling understandably frustrated. It sucks! Hope things get moving soon. 

Nothing to report here. Hopefully nursery furniture is arriving this week. 


TWink - fingers crossed for panel before Xmas!


Hi to all xxx

Add on: Primmer - just checked my diary and you are still pretty much on same timescales as us for PAR. We didn't sign ours off until 20th June and went to panel 16th July xx


----------



## Lorella

Great news on your panel date Lou's Mummy! X

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 
Teamug
Becs

Panel Date

Laws- September 24th
Primmer - October 15th
Troodles - November 12th
Jalops - December 3rd
Lou's Mummy - December 8th


December
Notgivingup

January
Twink

TBC
Forgetmenot
Starryeyed
Loki girl 
Freedo
RocketJ


----------



## Primmer

Thanks ladies - as I had still not heard anything from SW I contacted her this morning to ask about the PAR and was told I should have it by the end of today and any amendments/comments need to be in tomorrow so she can submit it to her manager on Wednesday - can see tonight being manic!


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

So had our letter through today to say we're accepted into stage 2 but due to the amount of prospective adopters and lack of staff were on a waiting list to be allocated an assessing social worker the estimate it will be no later than end of October 

Also we've been booked for 3 day prep session in January 2015!!

Everything seems so far away considering when we first met she thought we'd be at panel by December, I have decided to look for a job now full time or part time as I'm getting really down being off and I cant imagine being unemployed for a further 5 months and not actually doing anything in the meantime.

I have started driving lessons too so I will be able to have more freedom when we have a little one while partner is at work.

Xxx


----------



## Primmer

Rosex - that must be so frustrating for you but it is better to hold off until sw has the time to spend to carry out the home visits so that your meetings with sw are all within a relatively short period of time so that they have all the information. If you have time on your hands, could you do some voluntary or paid work with children. Really hope the next few months go quickly for you. 


We received our PAR last night and apart from a few inaccuracies and typos including my name being spelt wrong and both our names being wrong in one part, the report was very good. The sw needs to complete a few sections but all in all I did think it was good.


----------



## Troodles

Hi All

Pyjamas, that's such exciting news! I can't imagine....! Fingers crossed.

Primmer so glad your PAR was good, what a relief.

Lousmummy congrats on panel date.  Won't be long!

Twink, hope all your meetings go well.  We've done 5 of our 8 and seems to have flown by.

Starry, hang on in there chick, it'll all be worth it in the end.

Thanks Lorella, still can't shake the upset.  Trying to think of the positives, like she said she really wants us to go for sibblings so I can't be that bad!! lol

Rose congratulations.  It does seem a long time but will go really quickly.  We had our info evening in Jan and it doesn't seem that long ago.

Really sorry if I've missed anyone.  Hope you're all doing okay.

We have another SW meeting this afternoon.  Think it's going over our infertility/IVF/journey to adoption.  Can't wait.  (Not!!).  Day 2 of prep tomorrow.

Have a good day all and big hugs to all of you.

x x x x x


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies,
Know this won't be everyone's cup of tea but after my second IVF buddy group we set up a private ******** group. We've been friends for 1 and a half years now and really very close. It's lovely. 
Seeing as we've got to know each other quite well in this group I wondered if any of you would be up for joining one for us if I created it ?
Let me know if you do and of course totally understand if you don't fancy it. 
Just PM me 😊xxx

Ps Primmer - great news!


----------



## Loki Girl

I'd be in Lorella. I'm in 2 private ones from my IVF and Clomid days lol. I feel a bit lost in the IVF one now as most of the ladies have now managed to be successful. Would love an adoption one!!

How was your meeting Troodles? It's our 3rd one tomorrow and think we are doing infertility. Really not looking forward to it. How did yours go?


----------



## Troodles

Count me in Lorella x


Hey Loki, wasn't too bad. I did get quite emotional talking about it and SW had tears in her eyes at one stage and had to compose herself. She was trying to see if we'd dealt with our grief. I'd like to think she got that from us. Fingers crossed. Good luck tomorrow x


Love to all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

We have our penultimate one tomorrow too Loki.... Scary x

Glad it went well troodles and she was emotional... Maybe she will get you a little better and understand, being slightly less judgemental, one can hope x

Nice to see everyone moving forward xx


----------



## Troodles

Let's hope so forgetmenot!!


Good luck today, hope all goes well 


Xx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - like the sound of a ******** group 

Troodles - glad your meeting went ok and enjoy your prep course today. 

Forgetmenot & Lokigirl -  hope your meetings goes ok today


----------



## Loki Girl

Phew feel so relived to of made it through that meeting!! It was the one I was most worried about. I only teared up twice and my voice broke twice so hoping they don't see that as a sign of not being over our infertility!! Overall I think it went well she seemed to think we had coped well and were still strong and were now committed to adoption which hopefully is good!! She did say she was getting the idea I was a planner and very motivated on whatever plan I was on so hoping that's a plus   

DH has got his individual session next week. Any ideas what he can expect? He's a bit nervous about it lol. I won't need to have mine then till after our holiday. 

Been 12 days now since put in the escalation request on my DBS. Phoned them and all they said was we can see its important cus it's for adoption so we'll chase them again!! Do you want to put in a complaint. So I was like well no not at mo but if it goes on much longer I might. But what's the point?!!! I said well how long should I now leave it explaining we were on holiday till 8th Oct and he just said well it should be with you by then you and if not give us another ring and you can put in a complaint!!! He said he can now tell me what police force it's with which gee happens to be our local county one. Well I could of told you that  

It's annoying cus yes we are sailing through stage 2 and have now had 3 meetings over the last 3 weeks yet we are not officially on it!!!

Anyways off for a well deserved lunch with DH then a bit of holiday shopping  

Forgetmenot will be thinking of you tomorrow and anyone else having their meetings or getting ready for panels. Such exciting times. For the 3rd year running we have been asked to go on the Santa special with family. It's basically a steam engine ride with Santa on it. We have cried off the last 3yrs as I never felt able to go and watch all these families with their kids including my own niece and nephew having such a special time and we didnt have kids. We are not going this year but I thought you know what? This time next year we will be on that train with our kids!!!!    

Have a great day everyone


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi everyone, I've been lurking for a while and was invited over by lovely Ozzycat    
Me and DH have our very first meeting with sw tomorrow and really dont know what to expect      I have gathered together past addresses for us both, past employers, list of income & outgoings , a family tree (rough    ) and printed off the booklet about teachers and parents of adopted children - very informative and gives a great understanding of how little minds work.  I also have copies of our current employers adoption policy and the flexible working patterns they offer (government) so I'm hoping this will all look good    
Any advice would be gratefully received      Thanks in advance xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Alliwant
Welcome. It's difficult to say really as all seem to be different  unfortunately.
Our first meeting sw just came out and had a good chat about our general situation, relationship, family, infertility, health etc. not massive detail but enough for her to determine if there was anything to stop us going forward at that stage. At the end of the meeting she said no problems and left the formal application form and medical forms with us to complete along with the chronology, financial form and ecomaps. 
The chronology, financial form and ecomaps had to be completed by the end of stage 1.


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi Becs, Thanks so much for your reply    It really helps to have an idea of what to expect so thank you    
I am just trying to gather as much info as possible at this stage as I have only been speaking to people on the phone so far.... it is so exciting but scary at the same time... probably wont sleep tonight  
I am going to clean house from top to bottom and give the dogs a bath also    they'll be delighted (NOT!!) Keep forgetting to ask this..... we are hopefully going to apply to adopt a sibling group (2 perhaps). We have one extra room in the house but am i right in thinking that if they are same sex this will be ok? It is big enough for 2 children but just wondering what the rules are. Again, thanks in advance


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi Alliwant and welcome to our lovely little group   I agree with Becs, all SW's and councils are different but our 1st meeting was just a general chat about our situation, how we came to adoption and what the process involved. It's a good idea to start preparing that info bout jobs and house moves etc cus if they are anything like my SW they will be asking for it about 4 times over   

As for siblings which is what we want too. We haven't discussed that with our actual SW yet (she hasn't even looked round our house yet!!!) but when our 1st visit was had which was another SW she looked round and we have 2 spare bedrooms. We asked her about could the children share as then we could possibly take on 3. She said - as you will hear quite a lot it depends on the children. There's no reason why the same sex shouldn't share a room especially if that's what they have been used too but equally you might find they are not good at sharing a room and need their own space. So really will all depend on the sibling group you get. 

You sound so excited!! It's so great to get started isn't it? I remember that excitement when we were finally able to start and now we are into stage 2 feeling quite relaxed and positive. Yes there are intrusive questions but our SW puts them across gently and it doesn't seem like she is being intrusive at all. I think if you are really ready and committed to this journey it doesn't matter. 

Good luck. We have ladies in all stages of our journey here so don't be afraid to ask any questions we can all help to answer


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Loki, it's a nice thought x I reckon you will be there with your xmas jumpers on!
Glad it went well x

Ours was cancelled.  Bit upset, well more frustrated really.  I know it's unavoidable and it's really ok, just got up early to clean etc and really tired. Not helping the self doubt and perspective!!

Anyway, hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Forgetmenot that's pants especially when you have prepared yourself. Is she rescheduling? It's rubbish when you think that's a week wasted or can she reschedule this week?


----------



## Forgetmenot

Not sure.  She spoke with dh, so guess will hear.  Don't want to hassle/chase.

Just causes all those doubts to creep in that we will be made to wait etc.. I know it's only a cancelled meeting... Just feel really emotional today  don't know what's up with me! Xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, just a quick hello as I'm manic at work and haven't got much time to write, I didn't want to read and run though.

Good luck for any meetings, prep courses, panels and matches.

We've just completed day 2 of our prep course (our LA does it during stage 1). It was a little hardcore as we covered abuse 

Last day next week and then we are off on holiday for a week. I am praying we get accepted onto stage 2!

Lots of love


Xxxx


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi everyone. 

I had my second stage 2 meeting today and all went well   she was here for hours and we talked about so much! she thinks i'm quite easy as i'm very open. We even talked very briefly (and very anonymously) about some children that may be ready to be placed as I approach panel, that was so exciting! it makes it all very real. 

I have to do the attachment style interview next week and i'm feeling a little nervous about it, can anybody shed any light on this?


----------



## StarryEyed

further update.. spoke to SW today as she's back from holiday... no news re post adoption centre counselling and she's off again until next week although I suspect having to make up hours. Don't blame her at all but more waiting for me.


----------



## Alliwant1

Well as I suspected I can't sleep.  .  Dogs are bathed and their bed blankets washed and dried lol! Thanks Loki for your reply, it calmed me down  .  I think we get the impression that the sw's are there to trip us up but really they are just looking out for the children which is a good thing... I'll pop on tomo and let you all know how it went. DH snoring beside me so he seems pretty chilled about the whole thing lol! Oj! Speak tomo  .  xxx


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi everyone well the sw came. She was really lovely and had lots of info. We are hoping to get onto a prep course at end January which seems ages but I' m sure it will fly in  very excited and feeling positive. Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

It will fly Hun. We had to wait 8 weeks for ours. Keep yourself busy by doing lots of reading up on adoption. They like that!! Think of it as new year and a new journey to getting your family in 2015


----------



## Laws1612

Starryeyed so sorry your waiting again....the time will come and ypu seem so positive your going to be great.....

becs - got you message on my other post sorry tp hear things aren't going so smoothy its one thing after another and the waiting is a killer isnt it.....when you know your missing out on things......lots of hugs.....

forgetmenot - come on be brave and tell us your date.....your nearly there you are going to be a mum.....you have to believe xxxx

panel on wednesday 1020 so excited and nervous all at the same time.....two pinks waiting for us tobe apapproved and want them so badly just wanna get to wednesday now.....off work for a week to so that is not gonna help have tired to fill everyday with something to take my mind off the time dragging hehe xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Ooh Laws - Wed how exciting!!!! Bet it seems a million miles away but will soon be here. Will be thinking of you and hoping your guiros will soon be home with you


----------



## Loki Girl

Girls not guiros     I don't even know what Guiros are!!!!!


----------



## becs40

Not long now laws! You'll be fine says the muppets who was a total wreck before panel! It is fine though and as everyone says it really isn't too bad at all.

Thanks for the support, it appears our sw had thought the courts had agreed on f2a placement for lo but they haven't applied for it yet! So they're doing it at the next hearing so if they all agree it shouldn't hold things up too much. We're meeting his sw next week so that's the next stage.


----------



## Alliwant1

Hi Loki, Thanks for the reply    She mentioned some reading material and I noted them down so that'll keep us busy... she was quite keen for us to read up on 'attachment' as well.... Just got into the mindset now that we'll have a chilled Christmas (hopefully next year there will be a lo or 2 lo's helping to put the angel on top of the tree). I think I'll probably find this Christmas the worst as if our IVF had been successful our lo would have been due in or aroung 15th December      but then as you say 2015 WILL BE OUR YEAR!!!! Fingers crossed      Thanks for your support   xx


----------



## becs40

Ah alliwant, totally understandable! Is be tempted to go away for Xmas and do something different and indulge yourselves? 
Have you been on the adoption forum on mumsnet as there's a brilliant link to loads of great tv program's on adoption and child protection etc. also highly recommend Sally donovans book no matter what, it's a gritty read but a very good one!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks laws.... it's just a ways off, just don't believe we will get through, and want it over.  Go through highs and lows, as do we all.  Really wishing you all the very best on Wednesday.  It's so so exciting and lovely to hear stories xx

We are going away for Xmas alliwant... Hoping for our last two some holiday.... Will be the start of lots of many luxury holidays or lots of butlin breaks lol!!

How's you Loki? X

Hope things are going well becs x 

Had an awful day, probably sacked on Monday.  Thought the dog had a stroke this morning.... Late into work once got her home, and comfortable with friend.  Got to school taught one lesson, then had to go to the vets again, same thing!  She's seems stable now, poor little mite xx

Love to everyone else xx


----------



## becs40

Oh bless you forgetmenot! Pets certainly put us through it don't they. Hope she makes a speedy recovery. What sort of dog is she?

Think positive with regards to approval. You will do it, just remember as a sw said to us on our training they're not looking for perfect parents just "good enough" parents! You will get there, adoption does make everything seem more positive because it is suddenly perfectly achievable and highly likely! Unlike ttc or ivf where you have no control over the outcome. I've found myself become much more positive and much less superstitious now. All that daring not to hope during ivf and counting flipping magpies got me nowhere so now I am much more "this is going to happen we just don't know when", it does test your patience sometimes but it will be more than worth the wait when we get there.


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Forgetmenot. Hope your dog is ok. They are such a worry. Loki is our baby after our 1st miscarriage but its a good job we didn't continue that path otherwise we'd have a houseful of dogs!!

Becs is right. You WILL get there. The odds are much higher than what we've been through already it's just we've been through so much its hard to imagine anything going right for us. I think you just had a really bad day and hormones were in overdrive. PMA PMA PMA. Next year we will be having the most fabulous meet ups with all our kids!!!!

Loads of hugs to you


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs and Loki x she had another turn last night but seems ok.  Seems consistent with what they said (might believe them now!!) but still not right.  She's snuggled up with papa at the mo.  She's a westie becs, and my baby.  She's ten now, so pulls at the heart strings, love her so much!!

I am trying to be positive... Particularly wasn't the other day, but she is coming again next week, so that helps.  Just hate all the waiting.  The meetings are generally fine.  Just worried about the whole bmi thing as you read other peoples posts and freak.  I would just feel beside myself if I blew this for both of us and it freaks me out!  But alas, just have to go with it now.  Our new social worker has been ok about it, but the pervious one and her manager were just so awful about it, that it's in my head and I panic, and when you read stuff of people being turned away, then it think it's gonna be us.  They will make an example of us.  But anyway, I am freak of the week.  Tired! School has been mental, but it's the weekend and I am meeting a friend for breakfast (she's a referee, so at least I can talk to her!). Still not told anyone else re above, so it's sometimes a difficult place!

Anyway moan/rant over!! Hope you all have a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## Primmer

Forgetmenot - sending huge hugs   Hope your fur baby recovers well. I think we all worry about not being accepted. We have all had our hopes dashed over the years in this journey to be a family. Even though our PAR has been done and raised no issues I still worry that someone will say no. Hang in there, you will get there and then this stressful journey will be worth it x


----------



## becs40

Ah forgetmenot my friend had a westie, they are such cuties! She's not that old so I'm sure she'll rally round.   We have a border collie who we think is about 10-11 but she was a stray from Ireland so it's all guesswork. We've had her 4 1/2 years now and she's become the most lovely dog now but she was so scared and timid when we got her. Although she still has her moments - she dan away from a pigeon yesterday  ,
As for bmi, I really wouldn't worry, it was brought up in our par and by medical adviser and panel but the baaf guidelines say it's not a reason to refuse anyone unless you have health issues as a result. My bmi was 36 or 37 can't remember now but we just had to satisfy panel that we ate healthily, exercised and would promote a healthy lifestyle to our children. As I said to panel I may be fat but I am fit and fat! Also said once lo arrives won't be sat at a desk m-f 9-5 as would be running round after lo. We also mentioned our local park in the village has just invested in some outdoor fitness equipment for both adults and children so a great plus!


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks Laws - I'm just keeping on going. As it's already been said there is a level of positivity around adoption, although still a whole load of uncertainty and waiting but I just think if it's meant to be it will happen and I'll keep on doing what I can while I can. So much time for preparation can only be a bonus right? Good luck for Wednesday if I don't get on before!

Forgetmenot - sorry to here about your pet and your general day. I hope things are looking up for you now. Keep your chin up. Things will go right eventually!

Hi everyone else, hope everything is going well and as smoothly as possible. x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks so much ladies x this is a head wreck x

Fur baby is a little better today, so hope it continues x

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend so far x


----------



## Laws1612

Hi girls....just a quick one....hope you are all ok.....just stressing about what to wear to panel.....both hubby and I are unsure....for girls who havr been could you shed some light on the linda thing yoir wpre please xxx


----------



## Arrows

We wore smart casual -blouse and trousers for our approval panel and a nice dress for our matching panel.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Laws, I have brought a dress for panel (well a few new work dresses, but have kept one back for panel).  Not formal, but will wear with a cardi and then for work once it's over!
x best of luck x

Am stressing! So much work to do.... Can't wait for this to be over.  Hate Sunday night feeling.  Feel like resigning for my management role, just not keeping up!  Feel guilty for it, but priorities are else where and feel I am not earning my money xx


----------



## becs40

I went smart casual. Had a new pair of smart black jeans and boots with a smart lightweight jumper. Didn't want to appear to formal as I think I'm already that in my manner so wanted to purvey a more "easy going" me if that makes any sense at all. 
DH had smart jeans and a shirt. 
You'll be fine. Good luck.x


----------



## Lorella

Hi Laws
I wore black leggings and summery dress with little pumps. DH wore smart jeans and smart t shirt and shoes. Not long now! Good luck. You will be great xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck Laws x
Hope everyone else had a lovely weekend.. im sat outside my doctors waiting for my medical,  another box ticked   xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Her I go again, moaning, and stressing....!!  

Probably over thing, but had a message from our sw to say she needs to speak with dh sibling.  They are not one of our referees, though now decide they need one.  Intrinsically it's not a problem, however, we just don't like asking for help from them and feel indebted to them.  I know it's not like that in real life, I am over sensitive etc, but why when close to panel are they just looking at our file.  This should have been sorted and picked up in stage one.  One step forward, two back!!

Just difficult.  I am tired, stressed at work and a grumpy dh (stressy too) xx

Hope everyone else has had a lovely day, take care xx


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi everyone. 

Laws, How exciting for you! Very almost there, Just in case I don't manage to get on here tomorrow I wish you all the luck in the world for Wed, though I am sure it won't be needed   I have precisely 11 weeks until panel and already worrying about what to wear. 

Forgetmenot, I hope your fur baby is feeling better, I have a westie too, he is 8 and although he is a moody monkey most of the time he is also my baby. I think I might know how you are feeling at the moment, I too am feeling quite stressed and anxious, I feel like I have a million jobs to do and not enough time to do it in, I am so sick of workmen in my house! apart from my half built kitchen the rest of the house is liveable but i'm desperate to get it all done anyway as i'm not sure how long it will be before I get chance to pick up a paintbrush after LO is here. 11 weeks left with a full time job and a teenage daughter who thinks picking out colours and furniture helps me immensely   aarrggghhhhh!!


----------



## Laws1612

Lous mum my goodness that has come round quick. Will be you before you know it.....glad the house is coming up together wow it's gonna look amazing....you will have lucky children hehe.... 

Forgetmenot I know how you feel two days before submitting to panel they realised they didn't have paperwork they needed....very stressful.....better to be stressed now than get deferred you will be fine think of it as being over cautious......easier said than done I realise that lol.....

Ozzycat thanks very much quite nervous for tomorrow now all the doubt has started to slowly drift in lol......am keeping myself busy haha

Thank you for suggestions of clothes think I'm sorted now thanks girls.....dh on the other hand hasn't got a clue what he's wearing and will probs change more times them me in the morning haha.....
Think of me tomoro 1020....will let you all no as soon as possible may even have info on the girls which would be nice......
Hope everyone else is ok.....think it's quieting down again or you are all to busy christmas shopping already lol xxx


----------



## Alliwant1

Thanks becs & forgetmenot  
I think it would be really helpful if we could get away over Christmas so I must talk to DH about that    I must pop onto mumsnet and have a nosy. I love being able to find all the info I can at the moment. I think if you do a bit of research all the meetings that are coming up arent as daunting ... I have to email the senior sw today and ask if we can get our checks started and to see if she will put us forward for the prep course in January.... Thanks for the tip re: Sally Donovan books. I'll have to get my hands on a few of those.  
Anyway I hope everyone is doing well and I hope the little Westie makes a speedy full recovery.... I have two dogs at home and its horrible when they are sick xx


----------



## Lorella

Good luck tomorrow Laws!! You'll be great! xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

good luck tomorrow laws i hope you can manage to get some sleep tonight xxx


----------



## Primmer

Good luck Laws, will be thinking of you. Can't wait to hear your good news x


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Laws so excited for you. Will be looking out for your news tomorrow. I'm sure it will all be brilliant. Hopefully you will hear more about your girls too


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck in the morning laws x


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all.......thank you so much for all your support. Keeping my fingers crossed......xxxx speak to you all tomoro.....hopefully I will be at the top of the list tomoro afternoon xxxx


----------



## becs40

Good luck Laws, nice you have a nice early panel. Hope all goes well and look forward to seeing you on the top if the list. 😉


----------



## Forgetmenot

Prizes for the moaning me award!!

Had another meeting.  We are one meeting away from end of stage two, however, it transpires, apart from being fat and my bmi wrong on the medical adviser report which was being corrected which held us up.... Turns out I am a drinker and an ex smoker....  Which is a duplication of dh.  I am so upset and frustrated that this with weeks to go is just being pick up.  It delayed our stage 2 starting as we were waiting for it, and it's still wrong.  
They also want to speak to more family members for us, which intrinsically inst a problem, just didn't want to get some people involved as will gossip and feel they done this bit thing for us, and feel beholden.  I know this is in my head, but....
Just so so upset.  I don't know whether to say anything, as thought about it once she left.  Feel like I can't say anything, as will mean I can't cope with uncertainty, but.... Feels like our dream is slipping out of our hands.  Me and dh are adopting, not the whole family (I know they are part of it). Just been snivelling about it... Just feel arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So to go on about myself all the time.  Really hope everyone else is ok, could do with some advise x. Should I ask to see the teams medical adviser? Or let it go? Xx


----------



## becs40

Oh forgetmenot   you're entitled to moan! How ****! 
Has sw said how they propose to sort the medical thing and timescales to do so? Try not to worry too much, they are under pressure timescale wise and they will have to justify themselves if they go over the 6 month timescale so they will be as keen if not keener to resolve it.
As for them wanting to speak to other family members again has sw explained why they want to do this? If she has and you feel it's not a good enough reason I would explain that you're disappointed as you didn't want to involve too many family members at this time as you didn't want everyone constantly asking questions and putting pressure on you. Much like you wouldn't tell many people if you were pregnant until the 12 week scan, it's not unusual for adopters to treat approval panel the same way as a scan in that it's then that you would tell a wider circle etc.
But the most important thing to remember is the bigger picture, if it means you get your lo is it such a big deal for them to talk to other family members, does it matter if you're delayed a few weeks? All these seem huge at the moment for you because they are, but once you're approved and you find your lo it will all be a very distant memory for you. Chin up these things are sent to try us and they do! You will get there, just focus on the finish line - or more appropriately the "start" line.


----------



## becs40

Lol fertility friend changed my sh1t word to poop!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Becs x I know.
Just it's the one thing I said I was worried about and the one thing they now keep messing up on!!!  They can talk to family just dh family weirdos!  It's give but his mum will love the drama!!! It's all fine x just tired and trying to maintain a professional imagine when in constant state of alert  as we all are xx


----------



## becs40

Bless you. Just remember sw's are pretty good judges of character. They'll have got to know you well enough and sure they will pay little attention to family members however weird. They're after facts from these referees not opinions. That's what I got all her up about before we got our par. I kept thinking how does sw know us etc but she doesn't really need to as such because it's a factual report she's compiling so don't stress it too much, it will be fine.


----------



## pyjamas

Having a bad day today. Feel it has all got too much so I am just sitting here crying.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Big hugs pyjamas xxxx


----------



## becs40

Oh Pyjamas  ,

I don't know what to suggest. I know it must be soul destroying to have been approved so long and still waiting. Can you request a face to face meeting with sw and family finder? Maybe your forthcoming activity day will be the answer. Stay strong you've been through so much, I'm sure it will happen but I know these just feel like empty words. Huge hugs to you. Take care of yourself.


----------



## Laws1612

It was a grilling......but we have done it....been approved for 2 x 0-3.....feel exhausted.....xxx


----------



## becs40

Yay congrats Laws! Any news in the girls?


----------



## Primmer

Laws - huge congrats so happy for you. Bet panel was exhausting but worth it for the big fat yes - hope you and oh get to celebrate today. 

Pyjamas - huge hugs to you, I can only imagine how hard the waiting has been and really hope you find your lo soon x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations laws fantastic news. Its so good to hear about another approval xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Brilliant news laws, good news keeps the rest of us motivated to keep going,  ur family is in site  
Pyjamas. . Im probably stating the obvious but have you tried the bemyparent website?  They have loads of profiles of children looking to be adopted xx stay strong x


----------



## Laws1612

Thank you all so much all of you have been great and the suppprt is amazing.....
panel was terrifying and we were grilled at one stage I actually thought we were getting approved....however we have done it and it feels like another door has opened just full of childern ready to need homes.....

We have emailed sw and awaiting reply....found out today we have been shortlisted for some 1 single child and one set of siblings too with the la.....amazing how things can speed up jist like that.....

I hope everyone is ok will try and catch up more tomoro off for a drink with friends.xxx

thanks again you guys xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats lovely x you so deserve it x

Can i ask what they grilled you on x


----------



## Troodles

Congratulations laws.  Fantastic news xxx

Big hugs to all. 
Finished prep today. Phew. One more SW meeting and that's it. 

Xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Fantastic news Laws, well done!! I hope things continue to move speedily for you.

After a long wait due to the LA being short staffed, I have now been assigned a SW and I start the home study on Saturday - should be tidying the house right now...


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Congratulations Laws, fantastic news! X


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Laws       so thrilled for you. You are going to be a Mummy!!!!! Can't imagine what it was like but I can see why you are feeling drained. That's fab they have had children in mind for you I sometimes wonder if they come and see us and think what about these children for them!! Still a long ways off for us though lol. 

Pyjamas must be so frustrating. I think it would be the worst just sitting and waiting. Hopefully your activity day will go well and your LO's might just be there. I would also check out the bemyparent website and see if there are any suitable little ones for you. Hang in there  

Forgetmenot how you doing? It's hard but you just got to roll with it. It's frustrating but at the end of the day as much as you don't like it if they want to talk to more family there's nothing you can do. I wonder why they have decided they need to talk to more people though? I'm worried they might do that for me as I have a weird family lol. 

Well DH made it through his individual session tho think he felt a bit grilled lol. Every aspect of his childhood and education and apparantly she got back out his family tree he had drawn and went back through that. I did terribly at mine that was my worst session so not looking forward to her dragging that back out!!! Think I might draw it out better before she does my individual session  

Anyway the one thing that really boyed me was DH asked if she had any idea about panel. I wasn't expecting her to say anything but she said well if things continue the way they are I would expect it to be before xmas!!!!! I was like OMG this mite be the best xmas in a long long long time   Fingers crossed. She also said we can def do the stage 2 course on Oct 23rd even tho DBS are still digging their heels. 

I can now go on holiday feeling relaxed and excited cus I know our council won't take us to panel unless they are 99% sure so things must be going ok if she can see us getting to panel before Xmas. Soooo excited for holiday and everything at mo

Be back in a couple of weeks tho will prob still have wifi so won't be too far away lol


----------



## Tw1nk82

loki girl hope you get to panel before christmas that would be awesome xx

I had a phone call off our sw tonight and she said that she can hopefully get us to panel for the 11th of December. She just needs to check how many other people are going on that date and get back in touch with me. Hopefully we can get a deffo soon. She said our PAR needs to be completed and presented to panel before the 19th of November. wow this is moving so quick but good quick xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx


----------



## Lorella

Yay!!! Excellent news Laws. So please for you mummy to be! Xxx

Panel Zone update

Mummies to be

Lorella 
Teamug
Becs
Laws

Panel Date

Primmer - October 15th
Troodles - November 12th
Jalops - December 3rd
Lous Mummy - December 8th


December
Notgivingup
TWink
Loki Girl


TBC
Forgetmenot
Starryeyed
Freedo
RocketJ


----------



## Lorella

Big hugs Pyjamas xxx


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## Lous mummy

YEY Massive congratulations Laws!! You must be thrilled! Just think, very very soon, at this hour of the night you will soon be looking in on your little one(s) watching them sleep   xx

I had another home visit today, went really well, she mentioned again about how fast we are getting through it all, she even discussed bringing the panel date forward!! though i'm quite happy with 8th December as it gives me just enough time to finish the house so we have decided to leave it as it is have a few weeks off in between.


----------



## Laws1612

Thanks everyone for all your support.....hoping not to wait too long for childern. However I heard on yhe grapevine from social worker due to the new process for approving adopters theres now more adopters than childern. 

Forgetmenot - we were in there for 45 minutes.....everyones situation is different but we were quizzed on a small suppprt network due to all our family living in southamtpon and us being in the midlands...dh is in the army so alot of questions on going away and how would I cope on my own.....our age was an issue...were we ready for this?? Dh doesnt speak to one of his brothers which they wanted more info on
Child care expereince....and contraception were we using it ( little embarrassing) 
one question seemed to link to another.....was sweating when we left lol xxx
however prior to going in we were told what they would ask us but no time to think.....did make us slightly more perpared....xx


----------



## pyjamas

Emailed SW yesterday afternoon after recovering from meltdown. She assures that there is stuff going on behind the scenes and will let us know more when things are more definite so as not to raise our hopes again to be let down. But at least that sounds promising. Always thought I was strong emotionally but this adoption process really gets to you sometimes. Wishing everyone luck in their journeys. Our little ones are out there waiting for us to find them


----------



## Barbados Girl

Pyjamas, you have been waiting 14 bloomin' months! Having a bit of a meltdown is both understandable and does not mean you are not strong. You have shown you are strong by being proactive and carrying on with it. It is sometimes the case that bits are going on behind the scenes. There was a bit of a delay with meeting our son's sw and ff (they described it as a delay, we would think of it as normal on planet adoption!). It was because they were sounding out babies' siblings' adopters as they were required to do. Stuff was happening but it felt like perhaps it wasn't going to happen to our fevered minds. So that is not just sw bullsh**t!

Laws- congrats x


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats Laws, fantastic news. I hope the wait isn't too long. Either way your child/ren are on their way to you!

Pyjamas - waiting must be so hard and I think everyone can understand why you have had a bit of a meltdown. I'm glad things are sounding promising though.

Forgetmenot - I know it's frustrating that they bring things up at the last minute but keep your head up. It's better now than at panel or afterwards. At least hopefully all the ducks will be in a row before you get there!

I finally have news - Heard from the post adoption centre today and I have now been added to their database and should hopefully get a session in 2 or 3 weeks. More waiting but at least I have something a little more concrete now. The lady on the phone was fantastic, although I then had to chase my SW again about some discrepancies. Typical. At least I feel like someone else is handling things now and the ball is moving again in someone else's court. I'm doing a little dance tonight in addition to celebrating my baby bro's birthday.


----------



## becs40

Ah fab news Starry! And long awaited too! 
Here's hoping this is the first of big strides to get you to your lo!


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks Becs. Whilst I've tried to remain positive its definitely eased the frustration and although I'm not trying to rush things quicker than they should be its nice to finally see someone else moving instead of me just doing all the work.


----------



## Lorella

Great news Starry xx


----------



## Primmer

Starry - so pleased to hear that things are moving forwards for you again x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Brilliant news starry xxx


----------



## Laws1612

Yay some positive news starry. That's great. Keeping everything crossed x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone, just wanted to pop in to say hello to you all especially ladies I know from previous IVF cycles.  It's great reading all the positive posts and love hearing about the progress everyone is making. 

AFM - we've completed stage one of adoption journey which including prep course, medicals, references and CRB checks. Just waiting to hear if we've been accepted onto stage 2.  It's moving very quickly indeed and it's becoming very real!

Off on holiday for a week to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary and my birthday.

Take care everyone.

X


----------



## Tw1nk82

Paula congratulations for completing stage 1. Hopefully they will start you on stage 2 very soon. It does move very quick which is miles better than all the ivf. Happy anniversary and birthday and enjoy your holiday xxx

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary Paula. We celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary yesterday here in Vegas. Won $20 at Roulette so quite pleased with myself lol. It's very addictive!!!!

It certainly does go quick doesn't it? We'll be Mummy's before we even know it   

Hi everyone xx


----------



## Troodles

So pleased for you  Starry. 

Paula well done  on finishing stage 1. Here's to stage 2! Hope you have a lovely holiday/birthday/anniversary. 

Very jealous of Vegas  Loki. Love it there. Where are you staying?  You must get a chicken and bacon club at Cafe Bellagio. Best sandwich I've  ever had!!!! Lol. Go through Bellagio reception to conservatory and it's in there. 

SW seeing first of our references on Wednesday. Eeek!!

Hope you're all well and having a good weekend. 

Big hugs xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Loki so jealous hope you are having a fab time in vegas xxx

Troodles exciting that sw is interviewing ur first references xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Awesome new starry!

Congrats Paula x

Very jealous Loki, we had three days in Vegas as part of our honeymoon.... And stayed at the bellagio, was awesome... I second troodles.

We said we would go back for our tenth wedding anniversary, my 40th and Hawaii.... Might need to reign in those ideas if this works... Otherwise we'll be on!!

Troodles our referees are being interviewed over the next two weeks too... First one on Monday.

Just want this over with.. Getting greyer by the day xxx


----------



## Lorella

Paula - have a great holiday and anniversary and birthday! X
Loki - hope you're having a nice time in Vegas. Wow! I've always wanted to go there!

Hi to all. Great to hear all your progress😊

We are just about to try out the high chair we bought yesterday in the kitchen! Nursery furniture coming tomorrow! 🙏

Matching Panel week on Wednesday! Eek!

Xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Morning ladies,  so nice to wake up and read all the positive updates x

Loki hope ur having a fab time in Vegas 
Paula have a fab holiday
Lorella u must be sooo excited for panel,  u won't need it but good luck xxx
Afm hubbys having his medical as I type, all our references have received their paperwork and ive finally finished my profile and the pack can all be returned this week yeahy..
Training days booked for 12th and 13th of nov all feels like its moving along nicely x

Have a lovely sunday everyone xxx


----------



## Leanne22

Hi ladies, I was wondering could I please join your chat! 
Me and my partner are about to begin our adoption journey. 
we have been through many IVF cycles 1 MC but it never happened, but I honestly believe that it didn't cis life should of brought us to this point!!! 

We have got all the forms going to the office on 7th October and first prep group is 17th. 

I have no idea what to expect. 

Xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Laws1612

Hi leanne

You seem to be on track.....welcome to the group. As im sure you have read there are ladies at all different stages on here and everyone is welcoming and friendly......if you want any advice or have questions this is the place to be....I even asked what they all wore to panel haha....many talents us girls.....  good luck.....you know where we are.....

hi ladies I put s comment on yesterday bit apparently it didnt actually post haha......hope everyone is ok and had a nice weekend......
lorella how exciting for you....I would be bursting by now haha....
ozzycat its moved so quickly. I loved the training days....keep us uodated.....
hi all.....loki becs troodles forgetmenot twinkl primmer....hope everyone is doing ok.....did anyone goto manchester baby and toddler event....should of probs posted before and actually met some of you there haha xxx


----------



## pyjamas

I am a bit alarmed because someone on another thread said that her SW told her that as there are more adopters than children now, many approved adopters will never get a child.


----------



## Laws1612

Hi pyjamas unfortunately I was told this on wednesday by my social worker due to the push for decreasing the time to appove adopters it now looks like we will all be waiting on the other side as more adopters than childern. However looks great on government to have all of these approved people. Xxc


----------



## Primmer

We have been told the same by our SW. We had said child of 6 months to 3.5 years but today SW emailed and said no children in that age rage and they recommend we raise age of child we are looking for up to 5 years old.


----------



## Katiepeanuts

Hi all, room for a little one?

My husband and I are in our early 30's and live in the West Midlands. We haven't been able to conceive birth children so started our adoption journey in March this year. 

We've just been to Panel earlier in the month  and received our confirmation letter that we are approved this morning for 1-2 children 0-5 years of age. 

We have been waiting so patiently to get to this point and haven't looked at any potential matches yet. 

Had a call from our SW just now saying that he has been contacted by a Sibling Group SW who wants our PAR and is sending over their CPR in the next few days and is also speaking with another sibling groups SW in our LA who are still in the Legal process.

Seems to all be happening now after months of plodding along. 

Would love to join you all for a bit of support and advice- not sure my friends and family can cope with my emotional ups and downs!


----------



## Laws1612

Hi all......

its a small world but I no kate from our prep course shes found me out....amazing....
kate we are all welcoming the girls have been a great support to me and hopefully they will to you too....were all at different stages on here so you might be able to help them out too xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Let's hope not.... All this to end up with nothing.... My nerves are shot x


----------



## becs40

Hi ladies,
This is interesting. This is the most up to date figures published I believe because of the timescales it takes to get the statistics. I'm sure there probably more adopters now but I don't believe there are now more adopters than children. That would be a massive change in 12 months. Whilst I'm sure it's possibly true in some areas I don't believe it's a national thing. It also stands to reason that if there are more adopters then there will naturally be more choice for the childrens social workers to choose from so not matching as quickly. So hang in there and keep positive.
http://www.first4adoption.org.uk/adoption-map/


----------



## Lous mummy

And finally... I have a fully working kitchen! Yey! though still needs a floor and tiles but at least I know I'm doing them myself so won't have to rely on yet more workmen. 

My SW also told me that there were now more adopters than children, it's a worrying thought!


----------



## Leanne22

This is what our SW told us on our 1st meeting, it seems like a massive change for only a year since the huge TV campaigns! 

I said I would like ages birth to 2 and only 1 child at the moment (main reason for this is I want longer off work when adopted and hopefully go to 3day working week) 
And she said we may wait for a long time for this!


----------



## Lorella

Hey ladies. I asked my SW this last night and she said she had lots of children to place xxx


----------



## becs40

Leanne I think it's going to be area dependent on the wait more than anything. My understanding is a la will always try to get "their" adopters matched within the la because they don't want them to go nationally as it has cost implications to them. This means that the easier to place children such as 0-2 year olds will almost always be placed within their own la. So the main reason for it taking longer for those matches is the type of children they have to place. Our la is in an area where there are a high number of subsequent children being removed at birth.


----------



## Ozzycat

Im soooooo angry... I asked my LA about the availability of the 0-3 age group,  we've never lied and always said this was the age group we wanted,  they got back to me today saying that yes there are more adopters than children available in that age group and we could be waiting awhile. .. then why let us sign up and start the process with you and not tell us this! !!

Weve given up on treatment not only because we felt we couldn't do it anymore but because we felt this was the way forward to have our family. . I sort of feel duped and lied too!! There was no mention of this on the information evening or when they spent 3hrs with us in our home! 
Im soooooo angry and upset. ..

How do u girls feel about taking on older children?  Im not really ready to start my family with parents evenings and homework! !!!!

All we want is to have a family,  why is it so hard?  
(Im sorry I know I should be pleased that these children are now in loving homes.. I just wish we'd gone into this with all the information)


----------



## Laws1612

Situations change all the time at the moment as I understood it was a national problem.....we were informed prior to the first meeting and we were only accepted due to being open to all ideas....
ozzycat - are you considering siblings? Although this is the case I have been looking on all the sites for childern and there are childern of that age range. Try not to get to upset just be prepared for the idea of waiting alil while....
we initially weren't sure if we could manage siblings and imcreased out age from 0-2 to 0-4 due to our age we couldnt increase anymore age wise but who new that we could change our minds and now im so excited about it.....maybe have a think and do a pros and against list xxx big hugs ozzycat xx


----------



## Katiepeanuts

At our initial meeting eye were asked what age range we were considering. It was also explained that they were only prepared to take forward people who would consider older children or siblings. 

Our LA currently has more adopters than children. This doesn't mean that it'll still be the same in 12 months time so don't lose hope. The initial change and recruitment that happened earlier in the year is bound to slow down soon. 

It's a good thing really as the children have the best chance of getting a family who can match them really really well. 

Not that it's not super frustrating- the wait is killing us but at staying positive is so so important.


----------



## pringle

Hello all

Was wondering if I can join you on this thread?

I am currently in stage one. Dbs done, references returned and visits planned for them this week. Eco map, pen picture & family tree completed & returned. I have had 2 visits from sw already totaling 7 hrs. Does anyone know how much more is in stage one?

Hope you are all ok and I am looking forward to getting to know you.

Love pringle xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Yep, I have to say I agree with Becs, that I highly doubt that there are more approved adopters than children waiting nationally. I should imagine that there are more adopters and that in some LAs more adopters than children but not overall. I think it is generally the case that there are fewer babies getting placement orders since re BS: courts are giving bfs more opportunities but I understand that often placement orders are made eventually but later, so more delay for the children and it means they are older too. I know it is a bit of a hobby horse of mine but I strongly believe that there are many situations where the bf's rights and interests are being prioritised instead of those of the children. There are some v sad stories on the AUK website. I have written to Martin Narey about it and he told me he is in talks with the DFE. 

Ozzycat- you are right, your sw should have warned you that you would be in for a long wait. There are pretty much always more adopters than healthy, white 0-3s and some LAs will not assess people with that criteria as Laws said. I completely understand why you would like a baby as that is what we wanted and you may be in that unenviable position of sticking to this and accepting a potential wait or researching the sorts of children available to see if you can widen your criteria. 

Katiepeanuts, I think that this is a lovely way to look at things. 

Good luck, everyone xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Pringle welcome.
It's difficult to answer as all authorities seem different. For us we did DBS, medical, ecomap and family tree and financial form. We saw a sw before we applied who had a covering session just skimming over everything to make sure nothing obvious to stop us applying but after that didn't see another sw until stage 2 aside from the stage 1 prep days.
Stage 1 was 2 months for us whilst they did all the checks etc.

Good luck!

Barbados Girl can I join you on your hobby horse! I know bf's have had difficult pasts usually and that's generally why they are the way they are. But when all is said and done they are the adults, they are responsible for their own choices and is it right that an innocent child suffers at the expense of their rights to keep "having a go" at parenting? Ultimately if they're not responsible enough to make the right choices are they responsible enough to raise a child? I don't know what the answers are, there's certainly no winner in any situation but we have to do more to break this destructive cycle!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Pringles welcome. Every agency seems to do things differently  xxx

Ozzy our VA havent mentioned anything to us about waiting times when we have mentioned what age range we would like. I hope they dont spring it on us xxx

Well we have just had confirmation that our aproval panel is the 11th of  December eekk so exciting. Hopefully this is gonna be an amazing xmas xxxx


----------



## becs40

Fab news twink! Seems so quick now isn't it. 6 months to completely change your life. 😊


----------



## Barbados Girl

Becs- yes! Do email Martin Narey your concerns and AUK/BAAF. I agree birth families should receive support where appropriate but not at the expense of the children. There have been cases of Courts allowing appeals of placement orders long after the expiry of the appropriate deadlines when children are already matched. Who exactly does that benefit? I was looking at a child's CPR during my family finding where contact had taken place with various different family members post PO all over the country with no discernible benefit to the child who was already hard to place and which would probably have led to real attachment difficulties. Who was that helping?

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2199094-Adoption-and-Care-Statistics-2013-2014

A mums netter has summarised the statistics on LACS and so has BAAF:

http://www.baaf.org.uk/res/statengland

This still suggests to me more children waiting than adopters. V small proportion of under 1s available, but that is always the case.

/links


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing well and glad that the weekend is nearly upon us. I will be giving the house a good clean later as we have our sw coming again tomorrow xxxx


----------



## Primmer

Hi everyone, I have been off work since last Thursday with severe tonsillitis. I hope to be fully recovered in time for panel, still got over a week to go so should be fine.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Get well soon primmer xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone

Back from our hols and had a lovely anniversary and birthday.

I called LA on Friday to see if we had been accepted onto stage 2, they are still waiting for my DBS (my hubby's came back a week ago) although we submitted them at the same time. I think mine is taking longer as I've lived at so many addresses. ( forces kid ).

Hope everyone else is well.

X


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone,

Glad you had a nice time Paulapumpkin and hope you are feeling better Primmer. 
Ozzycat - sorry to hear that Hun. 

Well yesterday I was surprised with a baby shower by my sister! All my friends and family were there. I got sooooooo many lovely pressies and lots of the really useful things too. I am glad we hadn't gone out and bought a lot of stuff! Feel very lucky. 

Last day at work Tues and panel Weds....eek! 🙏 Then work are throwing me a baby shower on Friday too! All getting more real now and exciting!

Xxx


----------



## becs40

Ah how lovely Lorella! You must be beyond excited! Have you got proposed dates for introductions yet I can't remember?


----------



## Forgetmenot

Lorella, how lovely x I am glad people are making you feel special and you are still getting to have some of the traditions that deep down I know we all want x

A question for you all:

With regards to panel, did everyone know you were going to panel?  Only a couple of our friends know, yet no family.

Also did you tell people if and when you got through, or wait until a match?

Very few people know about our adoption plans, partly for self preservation and partly work, due to the nature of the job (and not getting through), don't want to jepodise my position, until I know I dan!

However, not sure what to do, can imagine getting through it, feel really emotional about it all!

Anyway, that's all, hope everyone is well and enjoying the crisp sunny mornings x


----------



## Primmer

Paula - hope your DBS comes back soon. 

Lorella - how exciting, getting really close now. Baby shower sounds lovely. 

Forgetmenot - only close family and our referees know about our adoption. Out of those we have told only very few know our panel date the rest just know it's October. Once we are approved we will tell a few more of friends and family but not till after panel.


----------



## becs40

No real answers forgetmenot as everyone is different as is every situation. For us we were very open about our ivf and so it was natural people then knew the next stage of our journey. My job isn't of great concern so they all knew about our plans and I work in a small close knit group of women and it's been amazing to have their support through everything.  You have to do what feels right to you.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs and primmer.

Primmer not long, how are you feeling?  Have you been through par etc?  We can't find a photo for ours... Hate all my pics, not sure what to use...

Any ideas ladies? X

Becs, sounds like your place of work is lovely.  I have had to keep stum.  My head has actually been lovely, but I haven't been able to tell anyone x

Hope all is well, FMN xx


----------



## becs40

I seriously hate having my photo taken so didn't have anything appropriate. We got my dad to take one of us in the garden with our doggie. I was quite pleased with it in the end!


----------



## Lorella

Intros planned to start 15th. 

Our family and close friends knew about approval panel date. We've been quite open about everything since then. Working in a school in a small village it's impossible to keep it quiet.  Parents and children needed to know I was going on long term leave. They are all super excited for me, they've been lovely. 
All friends and family know we are approaching matching panel. 

The only thing I don't want is everyone from our town knowing ( still live where I grew up). Difficult but it's none of their business so will try and be careful in this area. 

Xxx


----------



## teamug

Hi everyone

Sorry not been on again for ages, always seem to be doing something. 

Hope you are all moving along nicely 

Lorella - all sounds amazing for you many many congratulations 

We are meeting 2 little pinks SW and family finding team tomorrow - they are seeing us and another couple, we met them at an activity day. Fingers crossed we get matched.

Feeling very anxious we really feel we are right for them and so does our SW.

Have a good week everyone


----------



## becs40

Ooh teamug fingers crossed! You must be so nervous! Sure it will all be fine. Good luck.


----------



## teamug

Thanks Becs

Yes weird feeling, nervous and anxious, so hope we are right for them, will be very sad if we get a no. 

No idea what they will ask us, we have a few questions written down ready for them.


----------



## Lorella

So exciting Teamug! Good luck xx


----------



## teamug

Thanks Lorella x


----------



## Primmer

Teamug - how exciting - good luck for tomorrow


----------



## teamug

Thanks Primmer  x


----------



## Troodles

Good luck tomorrow Teabag!!! Xxx


----------



## teamug

He he thanks Troodles  you do make me smile  x


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck teamugs, fingers crossed these little ones will be coming home with u soon x
Lorella I bet you can't wait to go on maternity leave ;-)
Hope everyone else has had a lovely weekend x


----------



## Laws1612

Lorella so close now im so excited for you....two baby showers is lovely...we need to make the mostof this hehe....

Forgetmenot we were completely open with best friends family and my close work friends and actually its nice to have the excitement of telling everyome on the day and the good luck messages it makes you relise how your ture friends are....

teamug good luck please let us know when you do xx

Hi to all....seems slightly quiet....hows things going with everyone...
we are waiting for sw to come bk from holiday tomoro to find out about the enquires we have made....this waiting on the other side is no fun lol xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi all, just wanted to say good luck to Teamug for today. So exciting to think you may of found your children!!!

I'm a bit behind as still in America. Have had a fab holiday but flying back to UK this afternoon. Currently in LA after visiting Las Vegas (stayed in The Excaliber), visit to Grand Canyon, LA, down to San Diego then back to LA to visit friends for last couple of days. They have 2 boys aged 9 and 11 so they were ribbing us telling us we will change our mind as although we would aim for one of each I would love 2 boys. They have a boat so we all went sailing yesterday, DH had such a great time with the boys, we were paddle boarding and he was pretending to be a shark and tipping the boys in the water. They loved it!!! I was sitting on the boat just so happy thinking our time is almost here rather than lamenting why can't that be us!!! 

We too have been very open with our adoption plans, lots of work colleagues know, and most of family and friends know. We will prob only tell close friends and family bout panel date cus as Laws said its nice to have the good luck messages and support. Just feel way more confident about this than IVF so it's actually really nice to share. 

Anyways sorry for lack of personals. We are going to enjoy our last morning of the beautiful sun (been about 35 degrees all holiday except Grand Canyon which was freezing lol). We are off to Venice Beach before going to airport. We then have 10hr flight to Paris and land in Birmingham at 5.30pm Tues night   I then have my one to one interview with the SW at 9.45 Wed morn!!!! God help me get through that one   Good news is whilst we have ben away our DBS for both of us have come back so that's all done now. 

Speak to you all when get back


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Loki Girl said:


> Just feel way more confident about this than IVF ...


I feel the same way.  

And you are crazy for doing that flight right before your sw mtg!  Does she/he know you will be jet lagged?

Hope you have a safe flight. Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Haha yeah our SW does know and she said if I am too jet lagged then we can leave it till next week but me being totally stubborn don't want to delay things lol so will soldier through. 

Just heard our LA flight has been delayed so now not taking off at 6.30pm but 7.45pm. Means we will miss the Paris flight by 10mins so they have put us on the next one which means hanging about in Paris airport for 3hrs instead of 1hr. Going to be a loooong journey back lol. On the upside more time at the beach today topping up my tan


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ha ha Loki sounds good!!

I am unconfident in this. Our sw has never given us an indication as to how this is going.  Stage one ended negatively, and I guess has resonated through stage 2 despite our new sw being lovely.

We just have our referees to be done this week, then get our par in a few weeks.

Have been feeling really anxious about it, it just means so much and the end of 8 long years.... One way or another we get to know what life will be life and it's freaking me out!! Think it's the accumulation of it coming to an end.  I can't face telling people we have failed this too!!! Will feel really bad!!

I know I am all doom and gloom, honestly not trying to be, think self preservation.  A couple of our referees know our panel date, but trying to let it just happen, so emotional, snivelling at the drop of a hat!!

Goodluck teamug and everyone else with exciting things afoot xx


----------



## Primmer

Lokigirl - hope your journey back goes ok and your one to one goes ok. 

Forgetmenot - I understand your fears, we have had so many set backs over the years it's hard to believe that things are now going to work out. I am sure you will be happy with Par and that will make you feel more confident.

AFM - I am still really poorly and yesterday the doctor signed me off work for a week with acute tonsillitis. Panel is a week tomorrow and so really need to get better quickly.


----------



## pyjamas

Nothing new to report from us. Waiting for invite to our 2nd Activity Day in October, which our SW has said to expect soon.  DH spent most of yesterday fitting child safety latches to the kitchen cupboards, for something to do as everything else is ready. They are now driving me crazy! xxx


----------



## Lorella

Panel tomorrow! Eek!
Last day at work today. Had a lovely send off. 
Have a sicky bug though which is not great.... Hopefully just 24 hr and be ok tomorrow! Typical!

Had our introduction week timetable through and blimey it's really full on. Can't quite get my head around it. 3 full days from day 2, then 2 days at ours, mid review and then to ours forever. Crazy!

Hi to all xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Lorella thats soooooo super exciting. .. ur little girl is coming home xxx
Cant wait to hear all about it x
Good luck x


----------



## teamug

Lorella - fantastic news how very exciting  x

Pyjamas - good luck with the activity day, very over whelming feeling, but a good day 

Forgetmenot - hope all goes well for you, so many ups and downs during this process 

Laws - it's horrible this waiting isn't it...good luck with the enquiries you have made 

Everyone else good luck with everything.

Thank you for all of our good wishes. We had our meeting yesterday with 2 little pinks SW, think we did well, hopefully will know tomorrow if we can go further


----------



## Loki Girl

Lorella good luck for tomorrow and hope all the intros go well. I'm sure they will and you will soon have your little one home. Very exciting!!

We are back from a long journey from LA but need some advice on a sensitive subject. I hate the fact I am even thinking of us at this point. We got home to a message from DH's mum saying phone her. She told us his dad has pancreatic cancer which is inoperable and spots on his liver also. They are talking 1-3yrs. Obviously DH is devastated as am I but selfishly thinking how does that bode for us? I have my one on one interview tomorrow but don't plan on saying anything but SW is contacting references and is seeing my parents Thurs, my friend Fri and our other friend Sat. So far she hasn't got in touch with DH's parents. They only found out today. I know we have to tell them but at the moment I don't want to till we have some more news. There are still some tests to do and chemo etc but it's not curable. Do you think this will hold us back at all? Like I say I feel so selfish of thinking of this but I can't help it. Anybody can offer any thoughts to calm my thoughts that this might not happen now would be really appreciated. I guess news is sinking in and we are terribly jet lagged but just wasn't expecting news like this the minute we got home from a fabulous relaxing vacation  

Sorry for other lack of personals but good luck to those with meetings, activity days etc. 

Oh we finally got DBS backs and our stage 1 form to sign to say we can move onto stage 2 lol.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck tomorrow lorella x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki welcome home x

So sorry you have come back to your said news, your dh must be in pieces, nothing prepares you for news like that.

I think do your meeting tomorrow then let them know at your next one.  You need to be able to talk to dh parents first, get thoughts straight in your head and then inform.

I think it will be ok, I am sure they will be concerned, but ultimately life can't be on hold sadly.  I really hope you are both ok, I can see where you are coming from, take care lovely xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Oh Loki im soooo sorry x
My dads battling cancer so I understand how stressful this is and is going to be. 
Im not sure what advice to offer as our agency knows I just wanted to send you massive     xx


----------



## becs40

Good luck Lorella tomorrow!

Loki, yes been there and felt exactly the same! It's awful to think of ourselves but seriously we've all been through so much that at the time it just feels like yet again life slaps you back down! 
Obviously our situation was fil's partner dying and him being a totally selfish, helpless crap person! Seriously this man is 69 and never taken care of himself ever  he lived with his parents then married, then when dh's mum died he moved back to his parents and let them bring up DH and his brother, then found another partner who looked after him until she died this year. He never thought about her and when she died it was all about him and still is. If DH mentions what's happening with adoption he listens for 30 seconds then changes the subject back to the material things he wants in life. We also discovered he was broke, had a £25,000 loan, £1000 overdraft and £8000 on credit cards as well as the house his father left him in a derelict state requiring massive work. We've had to get a mortgage on that house to pay off his debts and now take on a full renovation right at this crucial time.
We were honest with sw when it happened and said he would need more support from us but told her how we envisaged it working out. We were confident that we would just get on with it and stressed to her it's just life unfortunately, there will always be distractions. They did ask us about it at panel and again we were confident and said what we'd done re power of attorney, Taken over his finances, sorted him somewhere to live and sorting the house out. Our sw was very vocal that we'd coped well and at no point had any of it ever interfered with our sessions of homework. In the end it was seen as a positive that we had coped with it and also shown we can advocate for him so we would be able to do the same for a child.
My advice be honest but try and play things down, don't make things sound too dramatic etc. but   To you and absolutely normal to feel the way you do, it does not make you a bad person!
Most importantly take care of each other and support each other.


----------



## Troodles

Loki so sorry to hear that. I'd be inclined to not mention it just yet. 

Good luck to all for this week. 

Big hugs xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck today lorella xx

Loki so sorry to hear about your news xxx

Hope everyone is well. We have our final training day tomorrow and have been full of cold. I hope i feel better tomorrow xxx


----------



## Primmer

Pyjamas - hope you got on well at your activity day 

Lorella - good luck at panel today, I am sure all will be ok and I hope you are feeling better. 

Teamug - fingers crossed that you hear today that matters can progress

Lokigirl - so sorry to hear your news, my advice would be to be honest with your sw. If not up to it today due to just getting back and needing to speak to them first then that is understandable and you can speak to sw on your next visit. Just important that sw doesn't think that you are hiding anything from them. Sending you and your dh huge hugs  

Twinkle - hope your training day goes ok today and that your cold is improving. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok.


----------



## Laws1612

Lorella good luck today can't wait to hear your news......
Loki - doesn't everything just come at once I'm so sorry to hear that I lost my dad a year ago to cancer keep strong.....

Sorry for lack of personals was coming on to update you all of my rubbish news.....the girls we had been linked with the SW has said no. Gave a list of reasons that are all rubbish and neither do we or our SW agree with him I'm so angry.....the girls SW we spoke to has gone off on long term sick and now this new one has just said no despite what the other lady said.....back to square one.....this finding your childern bit is so hard and the waiting is so frustrating......

Hope your aLl ok....
Xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh no Laws that's complete nonsense. Honestly I just do not know what to say. You must be so frustrated. Is it a def no or can you do anything else? So sorry. 

Well had my one on one and not sure what to think. They obviously want to talk about my adoption which I am completely fine with, have had no real desire to search but now am thinking there is something wrong with me cus I don't!!!! She bought me this book to read about Journey of the Adopted Self a Quest for Wholeness    It looks hard going and don't really want to read it. Why do they have to make it a big issue? She seems to think it cus there may be triggers when we have adopted children so panel will need to know I am ok. How do you proove you are ok? What if I read the book and then want to search?!!!!!!!! I mean I have been curious in the past but my birth mother was only 15 she has a whole new life now she might not of told anyone about me. I had a great upbringing and my family means the world to me why do they have to decide I need issues!!!!! She wants to have another one on one session when I've read the book. Just don't know what to say to proove I am perfectly ok with everything. I can't say what triggers if anything will be bought up. I have nannied lots of kids with issues and they haven't bought up any bloody triggers. Bit annoyed but could be equally rather jet lagged and we were wide awake for 3hrs last night lol. 

Thank you for all your thoughts on FIL. It really helped and things seem a bit clearer today. We didn't say anything to SW today but we prob will next week. The only worry is SW obviously visiting references and will prob visit them before our session next week so hopefully they won't say anything. Anyways I don't think it will hold us back cus we could be looking at years away but as long as we show we have a good strong family support which we do think it will be ok. More worried about me being adopted!!!!

Anyways have a good day everyone. Hope those of you feeling poorly are starting to feel better


----------



## Lorella

Will catch up properly later but wanted to say thanks for all good luck messages and we are matched!!!!! We didn't even have to go out the room to be told!!! So happy xxx


----------



## teamug

Loki - sorry to hear your sad news x

Laws - so sorry to hear your rubbish news I really feel for you, so very hard and frustrating 

Lorella - fantastic news, so very pleased for you 

We had an e mail today to say our little pinks SW wants to meet with us again to clarify a few things so another step closer I hope. Got to wait until next Wednesday now.

  to everyone


----------



## Lorella

Loki - sorry to hear your sad news. A similar thing happened to us at about the same time. My MIL was diagnosed with cancer. We felt all the same things so don't feel bad. I was really worried it would affect our adoption process. We were quite up front with our SW from the beginning but were able to talked positively about treatment and outcomes. It has not affected our adoption process at all. Hugs to you. As for them going on about you being adopted I think you should stand your ground. Hugs xx

Laws - am gutted for you hun. That sounds really unfair. Hugs xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lorella congratulations hun xxx

Teamug so exciting xxx

Laws im so sorry xxx

Primmer hope you are feeling better xxx

Hope everyone else is doing ok xxxx

Im still full up with cold hoping the red wine im having helps and i wake up tomorrow cold free for our final prep day xxxx


----------



## becs40

Teamug excellent news, fingers crossed! 

Lorella didn't expect anything else but must feel fab now and so real!

Loki that sounds pretty rubbish, I guess they're pushing to test you to see how you would feel if your child does want to pursue bp's? Maybe they think because you didn't you wouldn't want them to? Nonsense because you've made your own mind up and that's completely separate from what happens with your child. Can only think that's what they're getting at.

Laws that really rubbish. Fingers crossed another match comes up soon for you but can't be easy when they're rejecting you on a load of nonsense.


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - great news, congrats!

Teamug - sounds really positive

Loki - hope you and your sw can sort it out and matters progress ok 

Laws - sending huge hugs


----------



## Troodles

Fab news Lorella. So pleased x
Exciting Teabag!! X
So sorry Laws and Loki sounds ridiculous. Everyone is different, surely there's not a right or wrong x

Hugs to all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Arghhhhhh laws x so sorry to read your news x

Loki that's tough... Always feels like something, and we always think there is a motive... Who knows, but I am sure you will nail it at the next one.  It sure does make you look at things this adoption!  I know you will face it head on x

Lorella, wow! Bet you didn't sleep last night.  A surreal time.... Congrats x

Twink wine is always good hope last day goes ok x

Teamug, yike! Fingers crossed x

Hope you are both ok troodles and becs... Can't go that far back lol!!

Referee marathon the next few days for us... The last three, then done.  Just manager meeting to go and par.  

Have a crazy time at work coming up trying to fit everything in as have a week off (operation! Gulp!) we have our niece and nephew staying for weekend, so hopefully that will be nice too.... Have a good day all x take care xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Hi everyone

Lorella congratulations, amazing news.

Teamug very exciting time.

Laws, thinking of you.

Primmer, how are you feeling now?

Loki - sorry to hear about your FIL, big hugs. Try not to worry too much about next SW visit, I think they have to make sure they have covered everything. I think you just keep focussed and say you know your own mind and how you feel about your own adoption. They like to hear how you will have empathy with your adopted lo and how you've coped with the emotions. Maybe pick out parts in the book you can refer to that you can discuss in your next meeting.

Twink, hope your feeling better too.

Hi to everyone else.

AFM - not heard from LA about moving into stage 2, my DBS is still not back yet. My brother got a call today though saying they wanted to see him in 6-8 weeks to go through his reference. Do you think that means we've been accepted onto stage 2?

X


----------



## Forgetmenot

Definitely x sounds very pro active on their part x


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks ladies for all your kind words and thoughts. It certainly isn't easy getting used to the idea    Our SW has been visiting our references and has visited our parents and our friend with just one more friend to go. Sounds like all going well and they are all saying positive consistent things although why they would ask a general friend of DH's bout my education I do not know   Anyways I was at work but DH told her about his dad. She said she would talk to her manager and let us know on Mon but not to worry (easy for her to say!!) But what she did say was all she had to compare it too was one other case where a parent died during proceedings and the couple then had to wait 6mths. I find it hard to think this could happen. We have since been told although final tests need to be done that they had given my FIL a prognosis of 1-3yrs It now turns out they think actually less than a year. Of course we have no way of knowing but imagining the worse that would prob be right when we would be looking at being matched so that would not happen. Would they go through with the whole process to the point of being approved but then if my FIL passed away after they would stop everything or do you think actually panel may just say no? 

Sorry to be depressing. I am upset over my FIL, feeling guilty of my feelings and thinking that it's just brick wall after brick wall no matter what we try to do to have a family. I honestly thought 2015 was going to be our year but looks like it will turn out as crap as the last 4   I know I shouldn't make assumptions till we actually know what their thoughts are but I just can't see them letting us go ahead with being approved and matched knowing we will have to deal with a huge loss. I just can't see it happening. The better outcome apart from all this being a really bad dream and a mistake is that we can actually get approved then if we actually had to wait it wouldn't be so bad if we thought well it's just like waiting for a child to be matched with us. The worst part will be having all you guys and our friends from our adoption group go on to have their children and we can't. Just like IVF all over again. Feel like I can't escape this nightmare. 

Anyways sorry just having a really down day and feel life is just doing everything it can to destroy us. 

Hope you all having better days x


----------



## becs40

Ah Loki  . Don't feel guilty about your feelings it's perfectly natural and completely normal to feel the way you do.
It's impossible to say how things will work out but ultimately that will depend on FIL really. I really can't see them not taking you through stage 2 and to panel as that's the next 4 months so unless your FIL drastically deteriorated in that timeframe life will be going on as normally as it can be. 
I think you'll have to take it a step at a time and see how it all works out. You could be approved in 4 months and have a match straight away and it still be quite some time before things get worse with FIL. Don't forget also that drs predictions are just that. Many people are told they have less than 12 months but fight the battle for years, everyone is different so no one knows at this stage.
Stay positive.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki x so sad to read your post I know how you feel x 
As some who lost their dear dad a few years ago, I had all that fear.
We were given 6 months with dad and it wa x but in all honesty it was hard but not as awful until the end as expected x he managed quite well. 
I think you need to speak to your sw now and if you feel like you are saying maybe email her... A just to let you know, here our your thoughts and can we catch up next meeting.  Maybe that way thibgs can't be misconstrued and you know where you are at x you can put in all your fears. Sometimes the fear of not knowing is worse.
Unknown is hard as we all keep hearing. Your dh will be going through it as are you but on so many other levels and of grief.
It's hard to feel you won't get this.  I know that you will. As someone whose had/ still a bumpy ride... Think they are testing us all the time. You will get there. All this hurt and anger is perfectly ok.
Take care xxx


----------



## Arrows

Hiya Loki,
Firstly , it's okay to have mixed feelings about your FiL being ill -of course you're sad but when there's lots of unknowns it's hard to be able to think clearly enough to know what you feel! It does impact on the adoption and if your both grief stricken then you will need time to grieve but adding to delays when it feels like the whole lot of unsuccessful treatments feel like a huge delay it hurts.
We had delay after delay in our approval process at a time when the timeline guides were a lot longer. 
We applied June 2010 -had initial visit July 2010, prep course spread over 3months Oct, Nov and Dec 2010. Then my husband's friend died and we had to attend funeral instead of final prep day so they made us wait till the next prep course to finish off in Feb 2011. Then my back went and I couldn't even lift a half filled kettle without lots of pain so we had to wait 3mths to ensure it was actually going to get better. After that there were no SWs available so had to wait for a SW to be trained. Finally assigned to her in July 2011 but we were her first couple to take through so she took forever and although we'd covered everything before Christmas, we were put in for panel in Feb 2012. However, matching panels take priority so we were delayed again and eventually got approved March 2012. Almost 2years after applying. There were no children in our area so we went onto the national register after 3 months and the first profile from it that we were sent was the profile of our son. This was June 2012. Our son eventually came home 4mths later in October 2012.
It was very, very hard to deal with delay after delay. I decided to do a teaching course whilst I was waiting as it could end after 1yr or 2yrs and I wanted to keep myself occupied. I never expected to complete it all!!!

My thoughts in hindsight are these: Without all the delays we wouldn't have gone on the register in June 2012, just a few days before our son's profile went on. We'd never have been linked and he wouldn't be ours -he is so like me it's unbelievable, including being born in an ambulance like me and various other similarities! Our miracle son.

Again, we applied to adopt a 2nd time in February 2014. We got through study very quickly and were due to go to panel June 2014 when the SWs delayed us saying as we'd moved in January and LO was starting a new nursery in June they didn't have enough evidence to take to panel that we we all settled in new situations -this was the day we were due to hand in paperwork for panel so we were livid! We compromised and agreed to an August panel. Then LO started acting up and being really aggressive and violent towards me, struggling to deal with me and him being home together over summer rather than nursery 8.30-5.30 4 days a week. Had a really bad day and confided to the wrong person who was apparently friends with the panel advisor and emailed us to say they were going to talk to them and say we were unfit to parent another at that point. Livid doesn't begin to describe the feelings we had -spoke to SW who told us she though we were wonderful parents and any time we wanted to go to panel she would support us. With that kind of support we chose to delay ourselves until October to take time to deal with our LOs behaviour but feeling a lot more secure and confident with her trust. A few weeks later we discovered to our shock that I was pregnant. Not expecting it to last as I've lost both my previous pgs at just over 5wks, we waited till I was 7wks before telling the SWs. We had our hopes up at that point and were honest enough with ourselves that if anything were to go wrong after then, we'd need to take time to grieve. Thankfully all is well so far and our second miracle child is still doing well. Without all the delays this time we'd be in the middle of pursuing child, potentially even linked and would put others through a lot of work and heartache by having to pull out -I've no doubt I'd be a lot more stressed and who knows what impact that would have on this baby and my relationship with our son which is now back on track. 

My philosophy is now 'everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand at the time'. please take hope that your son or daughter is out there waiting for you, just as you are waiting for them -they may not even be born yet and they need you to wait a little longer. They may at this minute have SS trying to help them and making the choice to take them into care. 

Huge hugs and lots of love from someone who understand delay xxxx


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## becs40

Wow Arrows fabulous email! It's something I've always believed in too, although going through the delays we are and uncertainty with lo we've been linked to, I'd also lost sight of that! So thank you for the amazing reminder that it's all for a reason.
Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.


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## Freedo

Hi all, I feel like a lurker as I always read but don't always post!! Loki just wanted to send you    , hope everyone is ok, we have two home study visits left and then she will see references, and we have panel on 8 Dec! She was hoping for 10 November but it was full. Can't believe how quick it's coming around! xx


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## Lorella

Loki. Sorry to hear that. The only thing I can say is you just don't know what will happen. We talked a lot about what would happen if we lost my MIL. We decided we would remain positive all the way through and just told SW that she was having treatment and she was doing ok. We left it at that and we were not questioned anymore about it. I can't see how this could affect you getting approved at least. As Becs said, you could be approved in 4 months and your FIL will hopefully still be ok at this point. Arrows made some good points too. I am a great believer in what's meant to be is what's meant to be. We delayed our start by a few months and if we hadn't we wouldn't be matched with our gorgeous daughter who is just perfect. You will get there hun xxx


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## Loki Girl

Thank you ladies so much. It's amazing how strangers can make you feel so much better!! Arrows thank you so much for sharing your story it really helps. Congrats on your little miracle!!! I am just really hoping they will let us at least go to panel and that we have shown in the past that we can cope with grief through our lost pregnancies and failed IVF's even tho I know this is different. I guess the thing is with the adoption and my age is I just feel another year of we had to postpone and they might not consider us for an under 5 or a young one. We really wanted as young as possible and for a little one to have time with us to settle before having to deal with school etc. Frustrating as it is once again this is all out of our hands again. Our whole lives hanging in the balance of a few social workers and their opinions  

Anyways after 3 full days at work, still jet lagged, having our friends up this weekend to provide their reference cus they live in Kent today I slept in till 10am!!!!!!! It has been years since I slept in that late!! Think I was physically and emotionally exhausted after the last few days. Reckon I need another holiday lol. The last one seems a distant memory after all that's gone on in the last 3 days!! Haven't even picked up the stupid book on finding myself that she gave me. Last thing on my mind is dealing with their concerns I don't want to find my birth parents lol. It's all going horribly wrong but that doesn't surprise me. Why would this of been the answer to all our dreams? One good thing is when we talked about all my nanny jobs and I managed to talk about some of the really screwed up kids because of their parents our SW did comment that it was good I had experience of children with loss and attachment issues. I thought of saying and did that trigger anything to do with me being adopted?!!!!! Nope!! But thought I'd better not lol. 

Anyways thank you so much all of you for taking the time to write. Will just need to wait and see. So far still on for our stage 2 prep course on 23rd Oct. keep everything crossed for us we can at least get to a Dec panel.


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## becs40

Ah Loki, I hope you do feel better. I know what you mean about the age thing but we've been linked with 4 month old and it could be that not placed until next year so lo would be 7 months and I'll be 42! So even at 44 I'm absolutely certain they wouldn't reduce the age criteria that much. 
I think you can use all of thus to your advantage to demonstrate you can clearly commit to adoption despite everything that life throws at you. 
Our situation with FIL certainly impressed the panel that it was an awful lot extra to take on and yet we just got our heads down and got on with it. Life rarely runs smoothly for anyone and I'm sure ss are used to seeing it a lot. So my advice is try not to stress it and be positive you'll be approved in December. Stay strong, what doesn't break you makes you stronger and we're all testimony to that!


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## Loki Girl

Becs thank you so much


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## Tw1nk82

Loki just wanted to send big hugs   xxx


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## Flash123

Loki, I just wanted to share with you our story. We started our hs in oct 2012. In feb 2012 my fil was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 3 months to live, in sept 2012 my mum was also diagnosed with Breast cancer. I'm an only child, my dad died when i was a little girl and my mum and I are exceptionall close. As you can imagine I was devastated.  We were very open and honest about both right from the beginning but our sw was fantastic and said we should carry on and wait to see what happened. We were matched in February 2013, by this time fil was till with us and was actually doing fantastically well. Wee mans sw asked how we would cope when the 'inevitable' happened. To be honest with you I felt quite bitter that after waiting so long, because of his illness we could be delayed. But they chose to carry on. We convinced them that he would be what would get us through such a tough time. They went ahead and Matching panel was booked for may. amazingly, 3 weeks before panel we found out he had been misdiagnosed and he never had cancer at all. 

Thankfully, even before our amazing news we went ahead with our match and our sw had the common sense to see the bigger picture and wait for things to happen as opposed to stopping 'in case'.

Hope the same happens for you xx


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## pyjamas

Surprise call from SW yesterday morning to say she wanted to come and see us. showed us CPR of LO and said the child's SW would like to come and meet us on Wednesday. SW even said that MP could be mid November and LO could be with us well before Christmas! All good, but now DH is unsure as LO BP have some health issues which he has concerns about. I know he is trying to think with his head as he knows I jump in straight away with my heart. Also this is the first time we have ever got as far as meeting a child's SW. I am hoping she may be able to address some of DH concerns. At the moment I am flipping from excitement one minute to frightened that husbands concerns will be valid and our wait will continue x


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## Arrows

Fingers crossed Pajamas !


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## Lorella

Good luck Pyjamas 😊

Primmer - good luck at panel tomorrow!!

We meet our daughter for the first time tomorrow! Can't believe it really!

Hi to everyone xxx


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## RocketJ

Wow, it seems to have come around so quickly Lorella - I hope you have a really special day tomorrow xx

Everyone has had so much going on recently - I know I don't post much, but I do keep up with reading all of your posts and am cheering from the sidelines with every news of a possible link etc. Loki, it sounds as though you have so much to process at the moment, but you also come through as being very strong, and clear about what you want and how you will deal with things as and when you have to - I hope the SWs see this too x

I've begun my home study sessions now - my SW doesn't give panel dates until she's sure we'll make it, but we have a midway review booked for Nov 6th, and from then she just has to write up the PAR so I'm sort of expecting January. I'm finding it quite draining with all the long meetings - I guess because it's just me I have to do all the talking for over 3 hours each time!

Sorry for not doing loads of personals, but there seem to be some many of us to keep up with now!


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## becs40

Woo Lorella! Hope you get some sleep tonight! How exciting, and she'll soon be home with you! Hope it all goes fabulously well for you.


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## Primmer

Lorella - thanks for the good wishes! Good luck tomorrow, will be so exciting to see your lo.


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## Ozzycat

Sooo many exciting developments.. good luck everyone.... don't forget about us Lorella


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## Freedo

Good luck Lorella and pajamas!!! Hope you ok Loki? xxx


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## Laws1612

Primmer good luck can't wait to hear your good news tomoro....all the best but im sure you will be fine it's so exciting.....

Lorella wow it really has come round quick.....enjoy every second xxxxx

Hugs for Loki......I Can't add anymore to what everyone has put....I lost my dad last year and the pain never goes away but stay strong for him and your dh.....and focus I'm sure that's what he would want you to do to complete your family xxxx


Hi everyone xxxx


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## becs40

Ooh yes good luck primmer! Sure it will all be good. Are you early?


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## Troodles

Good luck Primmer. Will be keeping every thing crossed xx

Lorella WOW!!! Hope all goes well. I bet you're almost peeing your pants!! Can't wait to hear all about it.  Xx

Much love and hugs to all xxx

PS got our PAR on Monday. EEEk!!! X


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## Primmer

Panel was this afternoon but brought forward to 11.30 which is much better as not so long to wait around. Meeting our sw just after 11am. Feeling nervous!


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## Lorella

Thanks ladies!!

We are meeting our SW at 11.00 too! Exciting day for both of us Primmer!

Xxx


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## Tw1nk82

Primmer good luck at panel xx

Lorella so exciting xxxxx

Troodles how exciting you have your PAR xxx

Hi to everyone else. This blinking cold of mine has taken a hold on we. I have had to take a couple of sick days which i hate doing. Just hope im well soon xxxx


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## mammawish

Hi, new here, but feel I will really benefit from this community! Only in first stages to adopt and already a bundle of nerves. So good to see that there is light in the end of the tunnel! 
Best of luck to you all of you who's got very important meetings today!!! x


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## Ozzycat

Hi mamawish
Welcome to this lovely forum everyone is super supportive and theres loads of positive progression. .
We've finished all our paperwork for stage 1 and we have our training days in November so we'll be sharing this journey together..
Good luck with everything xxx


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## becs40

Hi Mamawish,
Welcome. As Ozzy says there's so many of us on here it's a great source of advice and support. There's no such thing as a stupid question as we've probably all thought similar at some stage or another. I think the one thing I'm realising is the longer we're in this process the more naive I realise I was when we started as to how long and how the process worked etc. we had a very smooth ride to panel with no problems but since then we feel very lost, unsupported and forgotten about to be honest. When we contact our sw we get told there are things going on in the background but I think sw's forget that this is the first time we've been in this position and don't know what's going on, how things work etc as they do it day in and day out. When you start the assessment they treat you as novices and explain things etc and a good amount of contact feels like hand holding. Then once approved they don't see you as novices anymore so you get left to it.
Well that's our experience anyway and it doesn't help that every authority does things differently so there's no standard practice to compare it to.
So my advice is prepare yourself for after panel and try and discuss these sorts of concerns during your assessment. I wish I'd been more aware of how this part feels and discussed it during home study and perhaps agreed something like a weekly email update from sw. Doesn't need to be much just a quick one liner to know you're not forgotten and briefly where things are at. It's not having any contact from sw for weeks and things that are said being misinterpreted that just add to the stresses.
Sorry for "dumping" this here but it may be something for you to think about and discuss in your sessions. Good luck.


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## Laws1612

Thank goodness becs....I thought I was the only one....its getting me down....feel like im getting so far in terms of enquiring and then went its handed over not getting any updates....  or feel like im always ringing......social worker is lovely.....maybe its just the system xxxx


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## Loki Girl

Good luck to the ladies today. Hope meetings and panels go exactly as planned  
Welcome Mamawish - great to add to our little family. Everyone is so lovely on here and will help as much as they can with anything you are worried about or just share in the good stuff lol. 

Becs I hear you as after our meeting today I can see that happening with us. Basically it was a good and bad meeting. There were a few tears (mainly on my part but DH a little and at one point we asked if SW was ok!!!!) She had spoken to her manager after we had told her the news of FIL. Spoke to her Mon and she said for now they are allowing us to continue but it would have an impact and she would talk with us more on Wed (today). So instead of doing finances and home safety which we were supposed to b doing we had to talk about FIL. The good thing was she has visited our parents and references and she said it is very clear we have very close supportive family and friends on both sides but of course they worry about placing children into an environment where a loss is going to happen. I can understand but it soooo frustrating. What she was basically saying as they can see no reason why we shouldn't get to panel in Jan. It was Dec but she said they only do one a month and it's at the beginning so beginning of Dec is now unrealistic so it will be beginning Jan. So that's good and half the battle but then she started talking about family finders and they would prob look at our profile see this was going on and prob say no!!! So I read that to mean yes we could get approved in Jan but we couldn't have a child matched with us till after FIL died and we had grieved   We fought our corner as best we could, I did get upset and left the room for a bit but I told her it's like sayin FIL could last a whole year which is Oct 2015 then they might expect us to wait 6mths so we will be approved in 2014 and not matched till 2016!!!!!!! It's not worth thinking about and I cry everytime I think of that. We told her we were strong, we told her we were grieving now so it's not going to be a shock, we told her the children would be our focus, we told her it felt like doing IVF and being told again you can't have a child. I told her it feels like brick wall after brick wall after brick wall. We were good, honest people. We have been honest and once again we were being screwed. What if we hadn't said anything? We don't know what will happen, FIL might last longer than a year, he is now thinking he won't meet his grandchildren, he won't see us through the end of this terrible terrible journey we have been on, we don't want to be thinking well the quicker he passes the quicker we can get to our family. It's just horrible on all levels and I don't know what we have done to deserve all this. 

I have to focus on what SW said and that's wait and see, wait and see how FIL is in Jan. If he's ok then maybe they will think well there's enough time to settle children in. I just don't know. I mean if we get approved in Jan and they had the ideal children with our LA then they would get placed with us maybe Feb/March. FIL might stil be ok then and we'd have maybe 6mths and he could know his grandchildren etc or will they think that's not a good idea and deny the whole family the joy?

I know it's a lot of ifs. I tried to tell SW no one knows what the future holds, no you don't want these children dealing with loss but they could be placed with us and something happens to another one of our parents, we'd have to focus and parent then and be strong wouldn't we. It's just life is so unfair!!!

So I guess for us panel will be bitter sweet, it's better then stopping now but then what will be the point of celebrating knowing we now have to wait for FIl to die before we can begin matching? On that note does anyone know if you are shown profiles before your profile is seen by the children's social worker? Cus what our SW was saying is they know their children but our profile might go up north and they might have different ideas. What would kill me is if we get shown profiles and constantly the children's SW's then say no cus of whats hanging over us?

Anyways this is prob an epic post and sorry I am taking joy out of what is a great day for our board. Just need to get it off my chest. I value any opinions even tho it won't change the outcome. I know it's a wait and see. We haven't even got final confirmation on FIL tho we know it's not good. 

Flash just wanted to say it was amazing reading your post. It did really help and maybe we'll be as lucky but I doubt it. We are being battered at every turn in this impossible journey


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## becs40

No definitely not alone Laws, as I say I'm sure there are meetings and things going on in the background but they just forget to involve you in any discussion or update. I genuinely think once approved they forget you're still a complete novice in this part of it and forget you need the contact and reassurance. Also feel reticent about chasing because it easily gets turned around that we can't handle the uncertainty or stress but they forget just how much pressure is on us at this point. Particularly in our situation where things are going on and we don't know if we'll have a lo in a few weeks or next year, there's no appreciation of the stress of not being able to prepare for that.


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## becs40

Loki more   To you! 
Easy advice for me to say is don't worry about that now. Focus on panel. You may find that there may be a possible match of a very young child and they may have different thoughts. Also the views of 1 family finder will not necessarily be the views of all. Ultimately if you're the right match and offer the right package so to speak it's something they'll take into consideration but not be the deciding factor. At the end of the day they could go with a second choice match and someone in that family group could be run over by a bus! It's possible and life holds no guarantees so in your situation you can at least prepare your child for the future. Stay positive and worry about the knowns when they're known or you'll drown yourself in what ifs.


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## mammawish

Thanks for welcoming me in! 

We had a home visit from a SW on Monday, she stayed for 2,5 hrs. This is meant to be a new thing they do, to make sure you don't go straight to prep course and then later it turns out you didn't have a spare room, or anything else that will be an obstacle. 

Already we feel how we are just going to be "objects". I know focus should be on the welfare of the children, of course, but we are all individuals with feelings as well.

To be honest, the meeting left us feeling a bit down. Our whole future relies on other people's judgements and we can't do anything about it. 
The SW was meant to get back to us with dates for the prep courses but now its three days later and nothing yet. (Think SW works part time as well!)


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## Loki Girl

Thanks Becs really appreciate it. It is true and we did touch on maybe there was a young baby and then it wouldn't matter so much but that would mean we would have to be very very lucky and that won't happen to us. We tried to ask what if we were the best match would they consider. She was very cagey and said they might but she was reluctant to say that. Think she was worried about giving us false hope but think a bit of false hope would of helped me at that point!!! It's like I said to DH it's watching everyone go on to get their kids, even the couples of our prep course whom we are friends with will prob go on to get their kids, could they of got our kids? Maybe!!!! It makes me laugh that they go on about triggering my own adoption feelings yet all this does is bring up horrible memories of lost pregnancies and failed IVF's and constantly been told you are not having a baby. It's just like everytime we were having stuff done for the IVF, everything is prefect, no reason you shouldn't be pregnant, everything looks wonderful. Now we are being told yes everything is wonderful, we know you will go to panel and get a yes (otherwise we won't take you) but you won't have a child  

I'm sure I will back to my old self once we focus on mundane stuff like safety and finances. Hopefully won't be sat there thinking should be exciting as its one step nearer but really is it? You are right though should just focus on panel. Just everything is bleak at the mo. But as always our hands are tied and there's nothing we can do. 

Mamawish don't worry. I hated our first session, I was on edge, worried about what to say, worried about how I came across, worried about how DH comes across. I assure you it gets better as you get to know your own SW and she gets to know you. I still struggle with our fate is in their hands but you have to just roll with it (I know I'm not rolling too well at the mo lol) but before this I learnt you just have to go with it. Focus on they need the right family for these children and maybe drop her a line. Say you need the dates so you know for work etc.


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## Laws1612

Mamwish welcome.....I think you may of caught us at the wrong moment....this board is wonderful with great advice and support just a bad day all round until primmer comes with her good news of passing panel later hehe.....if you need any questions answered one of should know the answer.....you will be at panel in no time xxx


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## Primmer

Bad news for us at panel today. We sat in waiting room with sw for over 40 mins then when sw was called to go down to panel two people came into the room and it was the chair and another member of panel who told us that there was a problem. Turns out the 40 mins wait was because panel were chatting about our PAR report and they don't think our report is good enough so bottom line is we have been deferred. They were all apologetic and said it's not a reflection on us but think report needs to be strengthened. 

We are do gutted and they said that problems with par should have been raised before so that we could have avoided turning up at panel. 

Our sw, her manager and the director then met with us to apologise and they again apologised and said it wasn't our fault. The 3 of them are going to prepare an action plan and come up with a new panel date and contact us by the end of the week. 

So gutted and annoyed right now


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## Barbados Girl

Oh Primmer, that is terrible, am so sorry. I hope they seriously pull their finger out now!


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## Loki Girl

Oh Primmer. That is just not on!!!! Do these SW's know how to do their jobs?!!!! It is one of things I like about being with a small LA. The panel know all the SW's and they equally know the panel so they know exactly what needs to be put in their reports. It's like I resigned myself to having talking about my adoption some more cus SW said we need to make the panel think we have done enough work with you and proove to them everything is ok. It's just really frustrating to be deferred cus your SW hasn't done enough. Enough should be done in meetings before taking you to panel. We know we have to have extra sessions now but would rather do that then be turned down at panel. 

Really feel for you, not good for us both to be having a crap day. You will get there Hun they just need to iron out their kinks. Sending you hugs


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## Tw1nk82

Just want to send big hugs to loki and primmer   xxx


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## becs40

Oh Lordy Primmer! So sorry. I hope you get back to panel swiftly! 
It really is a bad day here today isn't it.
Think we all need a group hug today!


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## Lorella

Oh Primmer!   That is awful! I can not believe that has been allowed to happen! So sorry hun. With our PAR our SW had to send it to her boss to check and her boss sent it back with some more things she had to put it in and then it was fine. They should of done all this as part of the process. I would be annoyed too but it's not your fault so hold on to that and hopefully you will get a new panel date really soon x

Loki - so sorry lovely   X

Welcome Mammaswish 😊

Well I feel a bit bad for writing it as there's been some sad news today so I won't go on but today was amazing meeting our gorgeous girl. She is perfect xxx


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## Tw1nk82

Lorella fantastic news so happy for you xxx


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## Primmer

Lorella - that's great news, don't feel bad about it, I have been waiting to see your update on how it went today. 

Our par was checked by our sw, by her manager and by a quality control assessor but the problems with it weren't raised until the panel members met which is what is so frustrating!


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## becs40

Oh no Lorrella we need to hear all about it. It will help us all remember why we go through all of this and give us something to look forward to! Pleased it went well but we need to hear more lovely bits, especially today.


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## Loki Girl

Def Lorella - you need to share. It's what will keep us going!!!! Bet it was fantastic and surreal. Bet she is just gorgeous xx


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## Troodles

Oh Primmer hun I'm so sorry.  Can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.  It's disgusting that's happened.  I told my DH and he nearly went through the roof.  Said to say he really feels for you  (that's a lot coming from him, thinks I'm odd talking to a load of strangers!!).  I really don't know what to say.  What an absolute nightmare.  It proves yet again that the SWs just see it as their job and don't realise how much stress and heartache we have been and are going through.  I really hope it gets sorted quickly and your new panel is soon.


Loki Big hugs hunny.  I really don't know what to say.  Just focus on getting that yes at panel I guess.


Welcome mamawish.  Wishing you all the best.


Hi to everyone else and big hugs.


We have now had our last SW meeting and been given our PAR.  It's 4 weeks to panel (which makes me feel sick!!).  We read through the PAR last night and mainly it's good.  For strangers reading it, I think she's written some really good and positive stuff.  However!  She has got quite a few facts wrong but the worst bit is she wrote that DH felt relieved when his Dad died.  OMG he was gutted, devastated, heartbroken, shocked, sad, angry, grief stricken etc but never relieved.  DH is so upset that she's written it.  I've just sent her an email with our amendments, wrong dates, names etc and I've asked her to take it out.  Don't know if she will though.  DH really not happy.


So come on Lorella, we could all do with something to smile about!!  Tell all, I've been dying to hear about it all day!


Loads of love to you all xxxxxx


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## StarryEyed

Sorry ladies that I haven't been around, just catching up with all your news Sending massive   to loki. I can't imagine how you are feeling with so much going on for you right now. I hope it all figures itself out somehow and you can continue on your journey.

Primmer - I'm sorry to hear about your situation - It's a horrible place to be in! I really don't understand how PARs are getting to panel, having been checked and then still being deferred. Keep your head up, you will get there in the end. It sounds like its more of a paperwork issue and so hopefully you'll be back there soon enough.

4 months since panel and nothing much has changed for me. Waiting on the phone call back from PAC , with tomorrow being the 3 weeks they stated it should approximately take. I won't call tomorrow though, and I'll give them a bit of extra time. I know what a heavy workload is like! Haven't heard anything from my SW in 3 weeks but that is unsurprising really. I'm not sure what is going on or what the next steps with her are whilst having this counselling or after. I don't know if she is planning to stay in contact or whether I need to contact her after the sessions are finished. It's all being left up to me really.  

Other than that I'm really well. Hope everyone else is too.


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## pyjamas

Meeting with LOs SW seemed to go well. We now have an appointment to see Medical Adviser to discuss the health issues. Our SW would also like us to visit the half brother, and his parents, who is already adopted, Cant sleep at the moment with thoughts whirring round in my head!


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## teamug

Hi All, sorry no personals as I am not coming on every day and can't keep up with everything so much happening with us all now.

We had 2nd meeting with 2 pinks SW and FF Wednesday all seems positive, but they have to be very sure with the match as the girls are "older" so lots to prepare. They have a meeting with all SW's FF team and managers so we should get an answer if we can go forward with the match then.

If all goes well we would be looking at the New year to start intros

Big hugs to all


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## Lorella

Hi all. Just time for a quick update. 
Intros going really well. 
Yesterday we were mainly observing but gave LO some of her milk at the end of the day. She is absolutely gorgeous and a real poppet. She is perfect! She is being so good so far!
Today we are taking over more of the care so will be doing more of the feeding/nappies/putting down for naps. Hope it goes ok. My main worry is that she just won't like us but I guess that is only natural!

Will try and update later but not back till late tonight xxx

Ps oh and room is finally done


----------



## becs40

Fab news Lorella! Hope it all continues. By the way there is a fab thread on mumsnet adoption at the moment about lo's and attachment. I feel reading it is helping me not to expect too much and prepare myself if it's not quite the way we expected.
Good luck though and would love to hear more soon if you get a minute but enjoy and your daughter will soon be home in that lovely nursery!


----------



## Freedo

Lorella that is so exciting!! Hows things Loki? Troodles won't be long now!! Hope everyone is good. Well we had visit yesterday last one next week, she is going to see my dad and DH mum next week, and we are also seeing a foster carer on Monday. Wed will be safety check, finance etc, I asked her will she start looking for a match when we have been to panel and she said she has started already 😃😃😃😃, panel is 8 dec , can't believe how quick it's all going!! xxx


----------



## Lorella

Brilliant day today!
Took over more of care. 2 pooy nappies! Lunch and dinner time and lots of playing. When I gave her her bottle at 4 she took the whole think quite happily and was playing with my nose and hair. Felt really great! A changing moment. 

Tomorrow we are taking her out on our own! Yikes! I have got some Ella's kitchen and a yoghurt for lunch as don't want to risk anything hard!!

The foster family are totally lovely and have been feeding us too. All going really well so far   xxx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - sounds an amazing day. I am sure tomorrow out with your lo will be great too x


----------



## becs40

Oh how lovely Lorella! Fab!
How exciting for tomorrow as well. When does she come home forever?


----------



## Arrows

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of when we met our LO.  He has come on in leaps and bounds since those first few days but I reread a blog I did at the time for my family and thought I'd share to help and inspire you lovely people still waiting! (I'm Christian hence prayers btw).

Day 1: Photo of us as a family

Day 2: Today we had a wonderful day with LO. We arrived at midday, played with him, got lots of smiled and cuddles and babbling. I fed him his lunch then put him down for a nap. We then went off for our own lunch and one of the day's highlights occurred on our return when LO's face lit up with a beaming smile as he recognised us when we walked through the door! We then played some more, found out some helpful information from his foster-mum and DH fed him for the first time -after that he very much needed a bath! Once bathed we read him a story, gave him a bottle and put him down for the night.
He is absolutely beautiful and we are both quickly becoming besotted with our son! We are falling in love with him more each day and had absolutely no idea we could love another human being this much!

Day 3: Another lovely but exhausting day today.  we took LO out for the day and bought him his first pair of shoes (not that he's even crawling yet!). A day filled with giggles, babbling (I swear he was giving driving instructions), naps and even a tantrum! All now exhausted, as DH and I head home to take LO's belongings, ready for his first visit to his new home tomorrow. 

Day 4: LO came home to visit for the first time along with his foster carer and her teenage son. The day went relatively well however he ate very little and each time he got tired he got very upset. We tried so many things -singing, bouncing, distraction, dummy and although he'd calm each time for a minute or so this continued on until finally with a bottle of milk he fell asleep in my arms, staring into my eyes. This was probably the hardest point we have experienced as we both felt helpless and I really felt knocked for six that perhaps I wasn't good enough. With the wonderful advice from friends and family that I was a typical first time mum I felt better and managed eventually to get to sleep.

Day 5: LO came home for good today with tonight being his first sleepover and the introduction review tomorrow. Today has been amazing!!! We have had no tears at all and he's eaten loads of yummy homemade food.  He slept for half an hour in the car on the way home and for more than 2.5hrs this afternoon!! He has been a complete delight and is currently fast asleep tucked up in bed after a bath, bottle and a rendition of 'Jesus Loves Me'. Please pray that we all have a good night's sleep tonight.

Day 6: Well, last night was exhausting but honestly not too bad! We were told he slept 6pm - 8am, waking up around 8pm and 5 am for a bottle. He went to sleep at 6.15, then woke up on and off 8.30-9.45, again very briefly at 12.40am and then again at 4.50am and is currently still fast asleep (8.40am). Every time I got there he calmed instantly. I reckon that's pretty much to schedule so can't really complain! 

Day 7: First day of trying to get out the house -took LO to get registered at the doctors.
Today we started to try and get him into more of a routine. LO has quickly decided that he only wants to sleep if he gets Mummy cuddles or is in his pram! He's just gone to sleep at 8pm (took an hour to get him to sleep) and hoping that delaying dinnertime and keeping him up a bit later will result in waking up later -Please God, we pray he has a good night sleep right through the night and doesn't wake up till 7am. Amen.
Update: Well he slept till 8.30am after waking up every 3 hours. Unfortunately as much as Daddy tried, only Mummy would do (I reckon it's the boobs).
On the positive side: He is clearly demonstrating that he's starting to attach well to Mummy, and each time once I was in there it only took 5mins each time to settle him. 
We are making very quick progress and even starting to get used to disturbed sleep!

It was a lie!!! We didn't get a decent night's sleep for a very long time and most definitely did not get used to it any time soon! Worth it though!


----------



## becs40

Oh arrows thank you! That was truly wonderful to read and much needed. It looks like things with the lo we're linked with is going to take a lot longer than we'd been told or hoped. We had hoped we'd be preparing for lo to come to us in the next few weeks but it now looks more likely to be next year. We'll hopefully know more next week but it's completely soul destroying to think if things do work out ok and lo is placed early next year that we will have missed so many months. We expressed an interest in seeing lo's profile in August! 
How old was your lo when he came home?


----------



## Arrows

Becs, he was 6.5mths when we first read his profile and 10.5mths when we finally met.


----------



## Lorella

That's brilliant Arrows thanks 😊
Your intros sound similar to ours and we are on the equivalent of your day 3 today! 
Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Feel like I could burst!! Had the most amazing day. We went out on our own. First went to the park. LO had a little sleep. Then went to a local town where we looked around shops ( so cool...just like a proper mummy and daddy... Like I'd dreamed of) Then had lunch. Worked so well as LO fell asleep again for half hour so we had ours and then when she woke up we gave her hers! Then went to swing park... Uh oh dirty nappy! Had to change on back seat but was fine! Then to local farm shop cafe. Brilliant day. DH said he was so proud of me as I was just naturally like a proper good mummy! I already feel likes she's already our daughter it's amazing. Just can't wait to get her home for good! Xxx


----------



## becs40

Oh Lorella how wonderful. Makes me feel very emotional just reading it. Can't wait until it's our turn.
How many more days before she's home?


----------



## Lorella

We start transfer to our house tomorrow. 2 hrs at ours. Then all day Monday. Then Tues morning (as back for special leaving tea at FC) Then pick her up Weds morning and bring her home forever. She is amazing! We feel so lucky xxx


----------



## becs40

So close now! Hope the next few days go well.


----------



## Troodles

Lorella

That sounds amazing and just like we've all dreamed of. So pleased for you xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Lorella sounds so perfect. I bet you cant wait for wednesday xxxxx


----------



## Primmer

Lorella - your day out with lo sounds perfect. Not long now till she is home for good.


I spoke to SW's manager on Friday night and we have been given a new panel date of 19 November and between now and then our report is going to be rewritten and we are going to have 2 visits from sw too.


----------



## Laws1612

Lorella.....my goodness that sounds so gorjus. It so nice to hear how happy and well everything is going. 
Enjoy every second, 

Primer - that's not to much of a wait and at least it's before Christmas....hope the meetings go well and it's good there starting over again. How terrible all this tho....good luck lovely....

How's everyone else doing....

Been quiet on my side have made a few enquires about sibling groups which we are waiting to hear back from this week hopefully. Had the social worker ring me end of last week to enquire how much time off work I needed to give if a baby for foster to adopt was to come up as there are a few in the pipe line currently and only us approved as f2a parents so we are top list.....very exciting but trying not to get adhered of myself just Incase it doesn't pull off....argh waiting is a nightmare, I'm a very patient person but this is like waking up on Christmas Eve and it taking forever to get to Christmas Day lol xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Lorella. Sounds wonderful. At the moment I can't even imagine getting anywhere near that stage for a very long time. But enjoy it sounds fantastic. 

New diagnosis for FIL is 6-12mths. An old boss of mine is a cancer specialist and he said 6mths is prob more realistic than 12 but you never know. So basically I have to resign myself that nothing will be happening after our approval panel until FIL passes and we can prove to them we have grieved and can move on. I feel life pretty much sucks at the mo but what can you do? I feel so tightly wound and frustrated because I am the sort of person who when knocked back is driven towards the next thing and that's what got me through the IVF failures but with this there isn't anything that can be done. I feel in limbo. Having said that I am blitzing the house at the mo as its finances and home safety on Wed and it will be the first time our SW has even looked round our house even tho we have had 5 visits so far lol. I did start vaguely flicking through this book she gave me. There is a chapter on adoptees who kill   I mean seriously?!!!!!!!!!!!!! That chapter may just be skipped!!!!! I am so not committed to it its just a load of crap but will force myself to read it and then will sit there and tell her my feelings haven't changed lol. It's such a waste of space. 

Anyways Primmer glad to hear new panel date is not too far away. Hopefully this time they will have everything they need right and you will soon be approved. Best of luck Hun xx


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## becs40

Ah Loki that really sucks!  
Focus on the long term future to get yourself through the short term. Realistically you may still only be waiting a normal amount of time to be matched. I'm certain next Christmas you'll be enjoying it as a family!
Enjoy the time you have left with fil and it will help you and DH through the grief when the time comes. Plan some nice things for you and him too so you can enjoy some quality time together before your next chapter begins.
By the way I've found more than enough to keep me busy sorting the house out since approval and I actually thought there wasn't much to do lol! The time will pass quickly if you keep busy.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all,
So exciting to read the updates.

Loki, sending you massive hugs.  The waiting for that end point is so tough.  You know it's going to happen and you are living each day for it.
I think you can both be proactive.  I know one thing that has helped us with this, is me seeing a counsellor.  In reality, it did actually help... But maybe if you do work in preparing for grief? It will help.  I saw a counsellor in the lead up to dad dying and it did help.... Validate those feelings etc.  it's hard as we think it's all going to be judged.  If you see one your week, if you don't, you won't ask for help! It's how it all messes with our minds.
I am sure it will all work out for you.  You have been with me for lots of this journey now, and I know how much this means to you.  You will get there honestly.

Lorella your little pink sounds a poppet x I am so happy for you.  I bet it is some surreal dream you are living in now.  I can't believe how one day you are you, the next mummy.  Think it's just lovely x  I bet there is so much happiness, especially dh saying you are a natural. 

Laws sounds like theirs some possibilities coming up.  I think the waiting is a nightmare, but a means to an end.  Something we will all be enduring at some point.  I kinda had this thought that it won't be so bad.... Cos it's when not if I will be a mummy like the not knowing now.  I know I will moan with the rest of you.  But once panel is done, then hopefully I will be a mummy x

Primmer... Good luck! We have extra meetings now too.  Just want it all done.  I hope you get sorted soon.  In the end a better report is better for placements.  Don't know how they can let it happen though.  I have everything crossed x

Troodles... Not long now! Yikes! Xx

Becs I think cleaning my house is going to take forever.  Have you made many changes in preparation?x

AFM we have got our final meeting (another final one) before we get our par on Tuesday.  I am scared to read it.  I feel that she doesn't know us very well.  All our visits to references been done and no feedback what so ever.  I know they can't but would be nice to say met your friends, and their lovely or something... Just a glimmer.  I can't even begin to imagine what this is going to be like and panel.  I have recurrent nightmares it's a no.... Guess we will soon find out  gulp xx

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## becs40

Hi forgetmenot,
Yes we've done loads. Because we were hoping to have the lo placed with us very quickly on f2a we decorated nursery and have bought all the big items so it's been ready for over a month now. We will need to buy the smaller items like toys, clothes, formula etc once we finally know when he's coming.
Then it's been stuff like clearing out and getting rid of a desk under the stairs so we had somewhere to put buggy etc. today has been clearing out under the sink and getting rid of all the nasty stuff we don't use. Also cleared cupboards in conservatory and kitchen for toys and bottles etc.
We still have to put the cupboard latches on and film on our conservatory doors but nearly there now.
We changed the sink in our bathroom to one with a cupboard under so we can lock away the shampoos etc.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow busy! So much to think about and do!
Fingers crossed you will have some news soon xx


----------



## pyjamas

We went to Activity Day yesterday, our second.  Felt disappointed as there were only about half the number of children as there were at the first we went to in March and very few younger ones. Seeing Medical Adviser tomorrow about the possible match we already have from before Activity Day. Her Placement Order hearing was due today so waiting to hear about that too. xxx


----------



## chadwick13

Hi all, I thought it might be time to join! We were approved last week for up to 2 children aged 4-6. We've made a couple of enquiries already and we're waiting to hear back.


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## Lorella

Ooh congrats Chadwick! Good luck with your enquiries 

Loki - so sorry hun   X

Pyjamas - hope you get some good news about placement order 


Forgetmenot - your PAR will be brilliant I'm sure! 

Primmer - excellent news on new panel date! 

AFM- LO at ours all day today! Mid wk review went brilliantly. All SW very happy. Said she'd settled really well. Already showing signs she's bonding with me as when they turned up she got really upset and clung to me. Only I could calm her! Few tears when going down for nap time but we persisted and she's asleep now! Yay! Got to have dinner and bath soon though and get her back by 7! 

Hi to all xxx


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## Lous mummy

Hi All,

Lorella, I am so pleased things are going well   you must be delighted! 

My SW gave me a series of cd's to listen to called, 'everything you always wanted to ask about adoption but were afraid to ask' i've listened to the first CD and was a little shocked when it said that only 1/3 of adoptions are successful, has anyone else read or heard anything similar to this? it also states that another 1/3 are in crisis and another 1/3 fail altogether. It certainly doesn't put me off but I am sceptical about this information.

On my last SW visit she asked me if I wanted to hear about children who have not yet had placement orders but were expected to have them in the near future, I said yes but would anyone have any advice on this? Is it wise or am I possibly setting myself up for heartache?


----------



## becs40

Hi Lous mummy,
We've been linked with a lo that we were originally intending to foster to adopt. Things have been changing constantly since we read original profile, there is no placement order yet and it now looks like things could be next year. I have to say as things keep changing and seem to be getting further away rather than closer it's making me nervous and incredibly stressed. We're hoping to know more this week but still think it's going to be a real unknown. I have to say it's been a lot harder than I thought but to be fair that's probably because we've been led to believe one thing and it transpires not to be the case in the main because of our sw not having the correct information.
I'm not sure it would be enough to put me off this route again but I may feel differently in a few months. I think the hardest thing for me at the moment is the resentment we feel that we will be missing so many months of our lo's life unnecessarily.


----------



## Lous mummy

Hi Becs,

That has to be so difficult to deal with and I completely understand that you feel resentment. I imagine that you feel a bond with LO already and I think thats what worries me a little. My SW told me a story of a couple who waited a year for a child that they desperately wanted but who did not have the placement order, the court case was repeatedly postponed, in the end they had to walk away when it was apparent that it was just not going to happen. Its so sad to think that there is a very happy home waiting for them and yet it takes so long. 

I think I need to think hard about it.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi all,
We had our last meeting today.  Hopefully we will get our par by the end of the week. I am so very nervous about it. She seemed vaguely positive tonight, the first time, ever! Saying we are at the end, blah blah.
She asked if had any questions etc, but we didn't.  Didn't want to go over old ground, but so so worried we won't get approved and what happens next if we don't.
I am not sure nerves can take it.  Dh did most of the talking... He has for the last few meetings so worried that I haven't contributed enough! Crazy I know.
I have a stinking cold and not sleeping.... Dreaming of panel lol. Don't know whether to spell out my fears and insecurities now.... Or just ride it out?!
We are meeting the quality assurance person this week too.... To see how we have found the process.  This is a good idea, but before panel, how honest can one be?! Our new social worker is lovely, however, others we have dealt with have been less so, and I feel this has over shadowed our experience.  As without that, I think it would have been fine.  But really is it worth it... Best to smile and say all lovely?!
Anyway that's my rant x

Pyjama hope you get some info soon x

Chadwick welcome x exciting times ahead for you x good luck x

Lousmummy find out all you can to make informed choices x there's lots of positive stories out there x

Lorella,p sounds like things are going fab.... Almost there, yikes! Enjoy x

Becs any updates? X

Loki how's you doing? X

Sat listening to the rain.... Today is going to be a long one xx


----------



## becs40

Forgetmenot, I'd just ride it out to be honest. You'll have the opportunity to discuss anything you're not happy with. I felt exactly the same way. I couldn't see how a sw could "get" us in such a short space of time. My fears were unfounded as our par was great. It won't be long I'm sure and you'll be fine I'm sure.
As for us no update as yet. Meeting sw on Friday to discuss, hoping to get some kind of plan then but pretty confident we won't get it!


----------



## Lorella

Hi Lous Mummy

We heard about our LO before placement order and we have had a very smooth journey so far through our adoption, which I do feel very lucky about. So I would say there is nothing wrong with looking at profiles before placement orders but just remember that you will have the uncertainty about whether they will go through or not and possibly a longer wait. As Becs says this can be very stressful. 

We are totally in love with our LO and can not imagine her not being ours so we are pleased we were told about her as soon as possible. I think our SW already had her in mind for us and you will possibly get the sense that your SW may have some thoughts on this for you too. Xxx


----------



## Dame Edna

This is a very personal choice.  For me, I would only want to know about a child after the child has got a placement order.  It is hard (for me!) to not get emotionally involved and even when the child does have a PO, there are no guarantees until after Panel.  Before the PO, anything can happen and I (personally) think it is unfair of Social Workers to dangle the carrot at such an early uncertain stage - it's heartbreaking to wait for a child and for it to fall through  

I wish you all nerves of steel  
X


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, 

Lorella have loved reading your intros this past week! Forgetmenot we have our last visit tomorrow! Loki hope you are ok. Welcome Chadwick13

Will update after tomorrow's meeting! 

Xxx


----------



## Laws1612

hi all.....
Hope you are all well. im back to nights and not had a real chance to write anything but have been reading. 
No update with us still waiting to hear from sw regarding the childern we have enquired about and also the fostering to adopt. Going to give it til thursday which would be a week since the last contact and then give her a text. i hate the waiting and the no mans land, just want a little family. 

good luck for your last meeting tomorrow freddo....
Forgetmenot im sure your par wll be great, they know us far better than we think they do and hopefully you will love it....cant be long now til panel, very excited for you!!
Becs hows things going?
Troodles....you have been quiet how are you?
Loki girl sending lots of hugs still. i hope your doing ok. 
lous mum - how are things coming along how is the house doing?
lorella.....your updates have been great, you must be nearly the end im so pleased for you and it gives us all hope that it wont be long. first mummy how very exciting. 
sorry if ive missed anyone there the only ones i could remeber off the top of my head. 
Hope your all well and its progressing nicely be great to hear more postive news if you have any to keep us all going. 
xxxxx


----------



## Lorella

Ooh Laws. Congrats on being staff trainee!

We are just off to pick up our little girl and bring her home for good! Anxious, nervous, excited!

Thsnks for all your well wishes. Can't wait to get into a routine and do first bedtime and sleep tonight!

Xxx


----------



## Troodles

Lorella OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is just so amazing.  I bet you can hardly believe it's actually happening.  Am so pleased for you, that's made me smile and cry at the same time!  Wishing you all the happiness in the world MUMMY!!!!!!

Sorry for no personals, am in work and always pop on to see what's happening with everyone but not really much time for replies.

Hi Laws, just been busy really.  Posted about my PAR recently and all the mistakes.  Luckily SW has said she'll amend it.  Just waiting for her to send amended version to us so we can sign it and send it back.  Panel is 3 weeks today.  AAAAGGGHHH!!!!

Hi to all and welcome to newbies.  Sending you all lots of love and hugs.

(Had to minimise this screen 4 times whilst typing this post! lol).

Troodles xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well, meetings done! Gulp! Just waiting our par x

I am still of work poorly, so early half term for me 

Lorella, I am so so happy for you.  All the very best today with your little girl.  I can't wait for that first night when they go to sleep.  I imagine you will just stare in awe for a long time and that feeling that she is yours forever and that life will never be the same again x x

Laws happy trainee.... It's good to know we have the professionals in! I hope you are right re par.... I want to know what it says but scared to read it.  This is the end of a pn eight year struggle!

Good luck freedo x it's a weird feeling being done and waiting.

Hi everyone else xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi everyone
Just wanted to pop on and send lov and good lucks to those with panel, PARS and matches coming up x
Lorella im loving ur updates, please god this will be the happy ending we all deserve.  

AFM bored bored bored. . Finished all the paperwork for stage 1 and now just waiting for the training days which are 3 weeks today (not that im counting!!)
I was just wondering what to expect from the training days? And do u guys have any questions you think I should ask or you wish ud asked at the time?
Xxxxxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone hope you are all well.

Lorella fantastic news that you are bringing hope your baby today yey xxxx

Troodles hope all the amendments are correct and good luck with panel xxx

Freddo hope your meeting has gone well xxxx

Forgetmenot hopefully it wont be long until you receive your PAR xxx

Laws hope you hear back from sw soon xxx

becs40 hope you are doing well xxx

Lokigirl hope you are ok xxxx

ozzycat i found the training both enjoyable and informative. It puts everything into perspective and some stories of abuse i found difficult. We made really good friends with another couple on our course which is really nice. Good luck with it xxxx

Sorry to anyone i have forgotten xxx

We have another sw meeting tonight. After this one i think we only have four more before our PAR is produced. I counted up today and its only 7 weeks until panel eekkk xxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Lorella - Great to hear everything going so well, and that things have settled down a little tonight. Please keep us up to date. It definitely keeps me going.

Loki - I hope your doing okay

Forgetmenot - Hope you feel better soon and get to your enjoy your half term - I'm seriously looking forward to a week away from school although still got loads to do!

Hope all PARs and panel preparations are going okay. Troodles I hope yours gets amended soon and sorted properly!

AFM - Some exciting news (well it's not that exciting but any news is exciting for me on this journey at the moment!)... I've finally, after just over 4 months since panel have got a counselling session booked with PAC. Not seeing social worker until all those have finished but I don't care.. at least things are moving again!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hope your meeting went well twinks!

Starryeyed, that's fantastic! Hope the counselling goes well, exciting to have things moving again x

Oozy the training will raise questions, there is no questions are silly, simply ask.  Remember they make notes on you whilst there!! x

Still no par today.  We are running out of time!!  

The waiting never ends, does it!! Xx


----------



## hellokitty

Hi everyone, I have been reading all the posts from a distance but I thought I would be brave and ask to join!

We are just coming up to our 3rd social work interview and panel date is 7th January. Our sw has informed us that it could take up to 7/8 months for a child to be placed, if we are accepted, we started this journey in January. Is this a normal time frame? 18 months, it seems so long. 

Did anyone get any hints or clues from sw it was all going ok? We have no idea! The only positive we've taken so far is she wants to us to meet a couple who have adopted with her, is that good?

Sorry about the questions, just having a "wobble" moment

Every one have a lovely day!

Lorella, so amazing, I'm in so much awe of you! Hope everything is ok and your little poppet has slept a little for you x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hello kitty - our SW offers the meeting adopters as part of her process. It's quite handy especially if you don't have anyone you know who has adopted yet as it's helpful to hear the reality. Guidance in our region is 6-18months on average if looking for an under2 to find your match (we took over 10months to finding link and another 3 months to bring him home.
Good luck and the wait is very worth it & gives you extra time to read up & prepare.
X


----------



## Arrows

Hello Kitty, Yes seems like a fairly typical time frame to me. Around 9mths or so to get to panel and be approved is average and 6-18mths afterwards to find the right child.
Be grateful you're not under the old system -it took us 20mths to get approved, then 7mths to find and meet our son. 
The timeframes now are a lot shorter to approval but there is a long wait for any children under 2yrs, unless you're going for foster to adopt.


----------



## Loki Girl

Just a quickie to say thank you for all those that have asked about me. It's is so very much appreciated especially when you all have so much going on yourselves. 

Starry just wanted to say brill news things are happening again. You will get there I have no doubt. 

Well I am doing much better and feeling more positive. Saw SW yesterday and after meeting her manager after she had seen us last week she came armed with another book lol. It's about the child and loss and separation and how we can help a child going through a loss. I took this as a positive sign that maybe they are thinking that we could get matched if there was the perfect little one 'in house' as she says. So that's good. DH is reading that while I am trying to plough through this other book which gets more ridiculous every page I read. It starts sayin adoptees always feel like Peter Pan in never never land. They always live in a fantasy. Um I know exactly who I am and who I was and don't feel I live in a fantasy lol. Anyways I am doing a lot of skip reading lol. We are not having a meeting next week due to half term but I will have my 2nd solo session the week after so we can discuss me. Can't wait for that  

So she has pencilled us in for 4 more sessions meaning we will have had 11 in total!!!!! Our last one is end Nov then she has Dec to get our PAR done with christmas etc for us to go to panel on Jan 6th!!!! We can go crazy together Hellokitty  

Although I thought I'd be whatever about a panel date I do feel excited. If another mountain wasn't blocking us that could of been nearly the end!!!

The new update on FIl is 6-12mths but more likely 6 rather than 12. I am trying not to sound selfish but if a child wasn't there for us straight away and we had to wait we may of waited that long anyways. It helped talking to SW yesterday about types and ages of children. All suddenly sounded so real!!

She did our home safety which I thought was rubbish. As an ex nanny safety is something I'm overly paranoid about but all she mentioned was the safety things on our landing blind, locks on cupboards and that was it!!!! She also said she had read somewhere plug sockets wasn't a good idea anymore but she couldn't remember why and was going to look it up!!! I was expecting all sorts of crap, fire blankets etc, we have glass panels in doors, a gate they can reach the lock for and just go out into the back . She didn't say anything. Oh well whatever. 

Ok so off to stage 2 training today. Mental health, e safety and adoption support. Going to be fun. I love my ********  

Everybody who is waiting - hang in there. It's def all a waiting game!!!


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## Dame Edna

New home this way ... 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329063.new#new


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