# **Lost soul needing support**



## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Hello...
I am 30 years old and have been with my bf for 4 years next week. For over 2 1/2 years of that we have been trying for a baby. We are now in the process of fertility treatment.

I thought I was doing OK, but I'm not and I'm feeling so alone it hurts. His younger brother has just had a baby, another member of the family is due any day, as said up top it's 4 years for us and still no baby, and I'm sick of the sight of periods!!!!!!!!!!!! That's just the tip of my hellish cold iceburg.

I called my GP today who in turn spoke to my specialists who also said that yes, there is a counsellor on offer but I would have to pay as it's only included when/if I reach the IVF stage....I felt so let down and am very aware of how depressed I'm starting to feel and I hate not being able to explain to my bf the full extent. If anyone is out there, I am more than happy to chat


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## lucie locket (Jan 9, 2013)

Hi Abzstar2013!!

I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't think you can truly understand unless you are going through it yourself!

I developed stress and anxiety after finding out our best chance would be IVF with ICSI. Ive been signed off work since before Xmas and on anti depressants (didn't really wanna go down that road).

I do find it helpful to talk about how you are feeling, try not to bottle things up, easier said than done! Your bf may be feeling similar emotions to you if you tell him how you are feeling. If you cant talk to him fully how about another member of your family or a friend, just to open up to?

Its so difficult when everyone around you seems to be having babies, that feeling is awful! You are so happy for them but equally wishing it was you. Ive just found out my SIL is pregnant. She had trouble conceiving too but you still ask your self why not me?

I know its easy to say but please, please try to stay positive. I was in a very dark place for a long time but I found time off work to concentrate on myself made all the difference. Do you  exercise? I found that helped. Also reflexology every couple of weeks was great for my anxiety.

Are you currently having IVF? We start ours end of this month.

Hope this has helped a little and remember why you are doing this, you will get there one step at a time!

Any time you need to chat just get in touch! 

All the luck in the world to you!!


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## wrxlass81 (Jan 12, 2013)

Hi Abs, 
Like lucie I can completely understand how your feeling at the moment...i too felt very anxious stressed and very low in mood while we were going through all the tests and every friend and relative seemed to be expecting, which was not like me at all. I think it's quite normal for you to feel like that and as lucie says you will get through it with support. 
I hope FF helps with this, I found the more I openly I spoke about how I was feeling the better I felt to get my emotions out and have a good cry when needed!!

Good luck and I hope you get the support and advice you want, whether it be from your bf, friend or on here....together you'll get through it day by day.

Sending positive thoughts and hugs.xxx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Abz!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

First, sending you the hugest of cyberhugs. I think most of us can relate to how you are feeling, I know I can. As an auntie I know how it is when your younger siblings start having children when you should be the one giving your parents their first grandchild. I have lost a couple of friends because they couldn´t understand why I didn´t want to spend as much time with them during their pregnancy, they took it personally. There is a "Coping With Infertility" section ~ CLICK HERE you are more than welcome to offload there. There will be women going through exactly the same feelings as yourself.

Have you been investigated? If not keep pushing at the doctors, sometimes you have to be a bit of a pest!

Here are a few other links that I think might help you, either now or in the future.

Fertility Investigations - CLICK HERE

Diagnosis ~ CLICK HERE

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Regional ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

            

Sue


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Thank you so much for your responce friends..I was so excited to login this morning and see it.

I will definitely keep posting and keep in touch.

I'm only up to the 'Baseline Scan' ATM. Followup app at the end of the month. That was another dissapointment, the fact that so many people had said that after the Base Line Scan you have a small window of opportunity of conceiving...stupidly clung on on to hope that that would be the case for us.

Thank you so much again for the replies, put a smile on my face  xx


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## wrxlass81 (Jan 12, 2013)

Abz
You sounded exactly like I was in august!! Same age as me too, had appt after appt and clinging onto hope every month. I got there in the end, particularly when we started getting answers to our problems...a light at the end of the tunnel is always there, you just need to look hard and take support from others too.  Sometimes it's just nice to know your feelings are "normal" hey!!
I hope you get positive answers...and quick appointment waiting times!!


Hugs, wrxlass.

 xxx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

That's exactly it, feeling like you're not actually going crazy, some obsessed woman that would do literally anything to get pregnant!! Never thought as I was growing up that this was even a possibility, didn't have a single idea that being a mum could be sooooooo painful emotionally and physically, but then I guess why would you? Unless your own mum had been through it.

Really great to hear from you guys, thank god I have found something because I don't know how much I could have taken.

Peace and love to all, and keep chatting  x x x x x x x


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hi abz just wanted to sat your not alone
ive found this site sohelpful to be able to talk through how i feel and not be judged. it can be such a lonely journey and so painful esp when you cant fully explain how yourevfeeling. big hugs xxxx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Thank you ellie , nice to hear from you   lets keep each other going and find the support we all deserve in such a stressfull time.

I am always up for talking through anything with you guys, if it help both of us then to me that's enough of a reason.

Love and hugs   xxx


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## lucie locket (Jan 9, 2013)

Hi Abz!  

I'm so glad you are feeling a little more positive! I only joined ff a few days ago & instantly felt so much support from others going through the same.

Keep your chin up hun!

Sending lots of positive thoughts to you!!


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Hey Lucie...yes, feeling better by a tinchy percent, but even that's better than nothing.

I noticed you mentioned about being signed off and on AD, I can't explain enough how close I have been to this on so many occasions. It's almost like a bomb waiting to go off. You think you're doing ok, getting on with life, and then suddenly it hits you and you're right back to the beggining. Complete emotional rollercoaster ride.

Everyone gets good and bad days, and I guess, you just have to learn coping mechanisms.

Lots of love xxxxxxx


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## Beandreaming (Sep 14, 2012)

Hi Abz,

You are definitely not alone, although it is such a lonely experience and hard for other people to understand who havent been through it.  Unfortunately they say all the wrong things, because they have limited understanding about sub-fertility and fertility treatments.

For me I have found that weekly reflexology helps keep me sane (I was lucky to find a reflexologist who had previously worked in a fertility unit) and I really look forward to it.  I am also following the Foresight Preconception plan.  I've just had a laparoscopy & hysteroscopy (early January) and am awaiting my appointment on the 23rd for referral to have IUI.

I try to get on with life, but it is difficult to not think about it and here I am at work on the FF site at 10am which shows I am thinking about it all the time!

Good luck with it all - hopefully 2013 is going to be a great year!

xx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Hey Beandreaming   

Yes, I think just accepting the fact that we will never learn to switch is off is the best thing to do. Only because you spend so much of your time 'thinking about it' that to keep fighting in your head also, the 'not to keep thinking' part there really will be no room left to think anything at all!!!  

It's brilliant to find you all on here, I cant' believe I never found you before. But I feel things happen for a reason and I definitely got very low at the time of needing support to warrent coming across this amazing site  

Lots of Love x x x x


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## KateBoothby (May 30, 2012)

Hi Abzstar, I felt exactly the same as you. Dh had a vasectomy reversal (after talking about it for 2 years!) and still I couldn't get pregnant. After 4 years of trying and crying every month I had af or in a state if it was late we had icsi last may, I'm now 8 months pregnant and very happy, nervous and it's all a bit surreal. It can happen and fingers crossed for you xxxx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

KateBoothby lucky lady!!! And best of luck to you and bump. It'll be 3 years I think this year......and the thought of another 365 days feeling the same reaaaally scares me, I don't know how much more I can take. And to me I actually sound selfish in a way, knowing that so many people have been going for far longer  

I'm not religious but I do believe in somethings, and I pray everyday for a gift  

Thank you for your reply x x x


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

kate thats fantastic news congrats. its so gud to hear some positive news. im wondering if to bother with trying iui again. its so hard and to have a bfn at the end is so destroying xxxx


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## KateBoothby (May 30, 2012)

Hi elli78 and Adzstar, just to say it took me so much courage to have the treatment as I was so scared of the disappointment.im so glad I went for it. It's been a hard year, the worrying has been constant (and will keep on being for her entire life now!), all I can say is if you want something so badly, go for it. Xxx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Please, any advice again muchly appreciated.

We were told this morning that they want to put us in for IVF asap. We are in utter shock, stupidly I guess. Always knew it 'May' result in that one day, but not now.

I can't stop crying and feel a complete and utter let down 

I need honest answers so that I can really think about this. Am in for a lot of pain with the procedures? I'm OK with pain, better that I think I am. I'm just better if I know what the score is.

Does it require a lot of time off work? I have to use my annual leave for any treatment.

Also, my darling, already completely stressed out bf needs to quite smoking for 6 months, we don't know how the hell he's going to manage, and advice?

Please help friends, I need you xxxx


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## Smithy2 (Jan 5, 2013)

Oh bless you!

Please don't freak out, you will be fine.

I am going through my first course of IVF after for years of TTC with hubby. It is very daunting once you start the process, but you soon find out that it is a case of taking it one step at a time, when we first began and received all the info from the clinic I looked too far ahead and got really overwhelmed with it all.

We had our first appointment and the consultant and nurses were all really nice, they sat down with us and went through everything, they then looked at my monthly chart (if you haven't already started I suggest you start making a chart of when you come on and finished your periods so they can gauge your length of cycle.) and they chose a month that was suitable for us, we wanted to start straight away so they chose my next available month.

From what I have heard on here, there is a long protocol and a short protocol, I am on the long one so I do not know how the short one works. I received a treatment plan with all the dates mapped out, when I had appointments, and when I had to do certain things, it was all very well organised, which I liked.

For me I had to inject with down regulation drugs for two weeks (they explained this to me as almost putting me into a menopausal state so you may get symptoms like hot flushes and mood swings, might be a bit tearful, but I honestly only got night sweats, and continued working throughout this whole stage, it did not affect me at all so don't worry about that.) The actual injections are easy once you get the first one out of the way, I used the same principle as pulling off a plaster, get it in there quickly then you can take the time to push the plunger down, I got used to them really quickly, and you get to practice doing it as many times as you need to with an empty syringe and the nurse. You have to do it at around the same time every night so I just set myself an alarm on my phone so I never missed it.

After the two weeks I had my baseline scan to check the drugs were doing their job, then I started on the next lot of drugs, so I continued to inject the down regulation drugs and added a second injection to stimulate the ovaries so that I produced follicles, which contain the eggs.

I then had three progress scans within the space of a week to see how everything was progressing, at one of the scans they increased my medication but the others were fine. The scans I had were all internal, but they are nowhere near as bad as a smear test they really aren't that bad at all. At my last scan they told me the follicles weren't big enough so I had to stay on the drugs a bit longer and they put my egg collection back by 2 days.

My egg collection was done under a general anaesthetic, and if you read Any of my other posts you will see that this was the worst bit for me, I seem to have developed an intense fear of it. The collection took about 20 minutes and when I came round the doctor told me how many they had collected, I was in quite a bit of pain in my tummy, like a period pain, but I asked for painkillers and got them.

The embryologist then came to see us and told us what they had got so far and called us again that afternoon to tell us the state of the eggs once they had inspected them.

This is as far as I have got, and can only comment on my own experience, which has actually not been too bad, the worst is that you get quite bloated and a bit fed up towards the last few days before your egg collection, as obviously you are growing follicles in there, and for me the bit I dreaded was the general anaesthetic, but different women will find different things difficult.

It really is a case of taking it one step at a time, and not looking to far ahead, every step you take is another step closer to achieving your dream, I look at my treatment plan and say to myself "right this is the next stage so this is when I have to step it up a bit"

As for your BF quitting smoking, maybe he could go the GP, we are not smokers so don't know much about it, but I think they do a lot of quit smoking schemes so they might be able to help him.

So far as time off is concerned, the only thing that is a bit uncertain is the egg collection and the embryo transfer, the egg collection depends on the progress scans and the embryo transfer depends on how they develop, so I booked a couple of weeks of to make  sure I was available, I didn't want to risk leaving it and then not be ale to get the time off.

The clinic should discuss this all with you, and go through everything, I found it good to make a list of questions each time I had an appointment and write down the answers they gave me. This site is also really good for gaining knowledge and support, it has really helped me, have a good look through and read other people's posts, 

I hope this has helped you, I could see that you were quite anxious, so I hope this has made it a bit clearer, Different people will tell you different things about their experiences, so I can really only comment on mine, but I hope it has helped, when I first started out I wanted as much information as I could get, so I really hope I have managed to alleviate some of your worries (and not leave you more worried!!)

Good luck with your journey, I hope you get the result you want

Rachael xx


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## Abzstar2013 (Jan 14, 2013)

Rachael THANK YOU SO MUCH 

Really lovely of you to take the time out and post that for me. It has certainly helped hearing from someone going though this.

I've stopped welling up for now, but I know there's plenty left to come out. I'd rather just keep crying and let it all out and be done with it at the mo.

Will keep in touch for sure, hope it all goes well for you too x x x


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## Smithy2 (Jan 5, 2013)

No problem, I am glad it has helped, sometimes it helps just to vent your feelings here and you do feel a bit better after you've got it all off your chest,

Definitely keep in touch and let me know how you are getting on with things, you can always post if you're having a bad day and someone is always willing to lend a kind word, or send me a PM if you want to talk.

I don't know how I managed without this site for so long, best thing I did to join!

take care,

Rachael xx


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