# Newbie - About to Start IVF - Self-destructing.



## eepJLB (Oct 17, 2013)

Hi I'm new (waves and scared)  

Quick run-down:

Been TTC for 2 years. Never had a BFP.

MIF - Low count.

Done three lots of Clomid.

Now got our first consultation to start IVF in November.

BUT… I’m so angry and upset about all of it! – how do I get to accepting and excited?

I’m just made more angry by everyone telling I “should be happy and grateful about this” and “why aren't I excited?” “you know you can’t conceive naturally, its been two years, so why aren't are over that yet”

Please someone pull me back before I hit “ self-destruct!”


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

hi, welcome, and good luck.

it's not exciting! who told you that? what an odd thing for them to say!

you don't have to be 'over' conceiving naturally, some people manage that during or after ivf... just pop the idea on the back burner for a bit.


you will find 'happy and grateful' is a good way to feel. i felt like that. it was a huge relief to have a way forward and be released from the awful monthly 'am i?' cycle of hope and despair....

yes ivf is a big deal and a bit scary but this site will show you just how many people do this every day. it's just a thing people go through. i've had three goes - and that's going from being totally shocked that i needed it...

the worst parts of ivf are 1)worrying beforehand 2) waiting for a call to find out if your eggs fertilized 3) waiting the 2 weeks to see if it worked. 

all the rest is do-able, i think 48,000 women had ivf in the uk last year.... so globally even more...

you're not alone, good luck.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

oh and when you do have ivf, tell only people you really have to tell. you'll get some odd reactions, we've all had them. it's just something people struggle to find the right thing to say about.


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## eepJLB (Oct 17, 2013)

Hi 

Thank you for your reply.

Shockingly, the culprits were my parents (Ignorance is bliss!) and my super fertile sister! apart from OH these are the only people who know, oh and my Manager, but shes been wonderful!

Just the more I think about it the more scared I get the angrier I get, I am grateful, but I'm not exactly showing it. But its very hard when it's all so over whelming.

I will also be facing the majority of this alone, as my OH is in the army. Which makes me even sadder that my parents are being so flippant.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

the thing with ivf is you can only take it one day, one stage at a time. you'll be given a protocol, which drugs to take and when to take them, appointments to go to... you just do each bit and then you do the next bit. you don't have to be overwhelmed by the whole thing... just take each day as it comes.. 

yes it is usually the people we most thought we could trust to tell that say the craziest things. One of my best friends said 'congratulations' - as if I was already pregnant! my mother said 'well good luck with that', and my father thought I was having some kind of alien implanted I think, by the look on his face. I'm sure they both think I will pop out a creature with 8 arms or something. 

you'll find it great to have people to talk to in here if your OH is in the army I think that must be very tough and isolating, but there are other people I have read of in here in similar situations..


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## eepJLB (Oct 17, 2013)

Thank you again got your kind words GB. 

I do feel like I am going a little crazy as it is! - and I have to go on holiday with me entire family next week - wish me luck!

To try and help my sanity, I have sent my mum the wording from 10 words that describe infertility, I dont think how I feel could have been written any better my self!


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## one_day_maybe (Mar 18, 2013)

Hi eepJLB,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and having to go through this.

I'm not sure if this will help you but it helped me. I took a long time coming to terms with us needing IVF and it only really clicked in to place for me when a counsellor at my last clinic said to me that I needed to let myself grieve for the loss of our opportunity to concieve naturally. Once I accepted that it was grief I was feeling then I was able to deal with that and handle it much better. I think another major problem I had was before I actually started IVF I felt like it was something that was happening _to_ me that I had no control in but once it actually started I realised that it was a positive step that _I/we_ were taking to take matters in to our own hands and at least give ourselves a chance of a baby.

Give yourself time, be kind to yourself and come on here whenever you need to for support, you will find it in abundance xxx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, eepJLB!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you. You have no need to be scared, either of us or of the treatment!

This journey we are all on brings up so many emotions, there is no right or wrong, you should never expect yourself to feel one emotion or another, nor should anyone tell you what you should feel. They are your emotions, you should never apologise for them or try to change them. I am not surprised you are angry that people say you should be happy and grateful about it and should be "over" not being able to conceive naturally!! Have they undergone treatment? Do they know what is involved? Do they have personal experience of what goes through your head when you have the disappointment of trying naturally and it doesn´t happen, going through all the tests, and then treatment? Do they really know what is involved emotionally?? Unless they have walked that path they have no right to comment! I have been ttc for 8 years, been through 5 IUI's and 1 IVF, and have a daughter who is nearly 4, but even I am not "over it". There is a "Coping With Infertility" section ~ CLICK HERE where you can chat to people who have actually been through what you have been through and will be a bit more sympathetic!

Try to look at things differently, look at treatment as a positive way of fulfilling your dream. Doing something practical to solve the problem of conception. It is a positive thing, better than carrying on trying to conceive naturally. The physical side of treatment wasn´t a problem for me, and that is from someone who has a needle and hospital phobia (I fainted twice when my dad was in hospital! Once when he had blood taken and once when he showed me his scar!) and if I can get through it then so can you. The hardest part for me was the emotional side, the drugs made me very hormonal, but I think I was unlucky, some ladies have no side effects at all. As Goldbunny said there is a lot of worrying about how things are going, but the best advice I can give you is to try to keep busy with hobbies - I studied, read, watched films, did cross stitch, even tried to learn the piano. Thinking too much about what is going on inside will send you loopy!

Anyway, enough about my waffling - here are a few links that I think might help you.

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE

Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - CLICK HERE

Regional ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Chat Zone section which will give you info on upcoming chats in the chat room: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!          

Sue


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## eepJLB (Oct 17, 2013)

Hi All thank you so much for your kind words feeling a bit more  

Went for my blood tests last Monday and got my first peek in to Bourn Hall, no where near as scary as I imagined!  

I am now taking it as suggested as on appointment/phase at a time and trying to stop being   and making scary stuff up in my head and thankfully my family seem to have screwed their heads back on (after I sent them 10 words to describe infertility!!)

xx


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## eepJLB (Oct 17, 2013)

Our Babies (drugs) are being delivered today and we start on saturday!! Some how between stressed and angry I've arrived at excited and positive!!!


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

good luck! i found once i got started it felt lovely to be finally doing something.


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