# no support from inlaws - pre treatment blues



## CJSKY (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi, wondering if anyone is struggling with people not been very supportive ? sorry bit of a long one !  

It was my birthday last week and that morning the clinic called with my dates for this my 3rd cycle. great bday present ! but also as we have had to get into a lot of debt for this cycle and i cant say i had been feeling very positive about it all, i was also a little all over the place !  but after taking the call i felt all exicted. my dp,s mum was not at all interested in the last 2 cycles which after it all went wrong i had said how i had wished she had wanted to be a bit more involved, even if just for support for her son ! So he had spoke to her about this one, he had asked if she would concider helping out with some money, she said no, but would support us all the way, which was great.  my birthday night was the first time i had seen her since my dp had had this conversation with her. I overheard him say , we got our dates through, she just said 'oh' and changed the subject, i tried to bring it up a bit later and she changed the subject again, by getting out baby photos of her neices new baby and passing them around, ignoring me.  A few other things got said that just left me feeling horrible. Me and dp ended up rowing when they left and my birthday night was a disaster. 
Its left me doubting lots of things this last few days, mainly that age old dilema, am i just totally over sensitive or are others just totally unsensitive !!!    probably a bit of both. 
Anyway i have decided to just carry on and be happy that i have got great support from my own mother and just ignore the fact the his family do not seem to see or care how important this is to us both. 
going to collect the drugs Nov 5th


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## ali80 (Aug 11, 2009)

Hi cjsky
Sorry you are having a rough time at the moment, it makes me mad when family members dont care or show support. We didn't tell dh's family as I didn't want them to know, but unfortunatly I developed ohss and had to tell them as I was admitted into hospital. 
Since my lovely MIL has known she has proceeded to tell her neighbours, half of the local pub and even the landlady of the pub!!       So now I have most of our neighbourhood talking about us 'not being able to have a baby' Not what we wanted! 
It did cause arguements between dh and I, it just made me more stressed out and I wanted to be chilled for the approaching fet cycle, so tried to put it behind us. She is still his mum!     
I think you just have to accept that some people dont know how to deal with IF issues and they never will, make the most of the fact your mom is being fab and giving you all the support you need, and DH is there for you throughout.   
Hope this helps and it not just me rambling!   
Take care and good luck.
Ali x


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## CJSKY (Nov 2, 2007)

thank you Ali, that made a lot of sense, will try my best to not let anyone upset me and try stay calm !
Wishing you lots of luck with your treatment


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

CJSKY


Sorry to hear that your not having a great time with our inlaws, i have had similar problems with mine.  If i was honest i believe that some people just do not get it.  They do not see it as a real problem esp the older generation.  IVF etc has become quite well known over the last 10 years or so.  When our parents were growing up and trying for children the world was a whole different place, also if you were struggling you were probably very discreat about it.  Some of the comments i have had i think esp as i was only 28 when we started out, people just think it will happen, esp if you relax   .  God that makes me angry  .  The other day my work colleague who i thought would be quite clued up said to me "you often fall naturally once you adopt" She also said "you never know, it may happen naturally".  I did not know what to say, so i have to pin my hopes on "it may happen" 


I have learnt that generally speaking people are very closed minded, if IF has never effected them or someone they know then its like a completely unknown topic and not one that their comfortable talking about.  Personally i am a lot more choosy who i tell now a days, i have been hurt too many times before.  I am even choosy what i tell close friends and my in laws, i often tell them very little.  I am about to try and do egg share, my mum knows and i will tell one of my friends but no one else, just can not be bothered with the mixed bag of replies you get.  Continue down your journey, if your happy with what your doing thats all you need.xxxx


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## belle-bubble (Oct 7, 2010)

Hiya, 

I am in the same boat unfortunatly, My family are fantastic very supportive and a great help to me yet my husbands family are not bothered, Throughout the treatment they never phoned me, asking how I or her son was doing. I miscarried my precious baby and never had even a text message from her. 
This is my thought on things, the first IVF we went for I had loads of questions, exitment, but after that the interest wears off, and I do think people think, I am used to the knocks that infertilty has causes us, they're so wrong because the more knocks we get the harder it is to put a brave face on. 
I must add though, I don't think ANYONE understands the crushing feeling that infertility brings, I don't think people understand what it's like- so it's hard for everyone xx

I have vowed to NOT tell my husbands family (Really because they give us absolutly no support so there is just no point in them knowing, plus my husbands mum finds it merely impossible to keep secrets)

It may help writing a diary.. Gets alot of your chest. 

All the VERY best for your treatment, I will start again soon, waiting for the go ahead after my M/C   

Ps.. Happy belated Birthday x


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## CJSKY (Nov 2, 2007)

belle-bubble, thank you so much for your message, lots of wisewords.
I am so sorry to hear what has happened   
I wish you so much luck with your future treatment as soon as you are ready.
You are a braver and kinder woman than i - If the mother in law never got in touch after such a massive loss, i dont think i could ever even look at her again.


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