# Another pregnancy announcement - can't cope



## sickofwaiting

Hi ladies
I know this issue has been raised numerous times and there's no answer for it but I just needed to vent as I feel so angry and desperately sad. I found out my sister in law is pregnant (husband's sister) with her 3rd child. We are really close, like good friends and we live in the same town so I see her a lot and my husband works a lot of nights and evenings so if I am sad and lonely I can go to her. She was there when I got my period after my IVF failed (at a party!!!) and sat with me in the car outside the party while I sobbed uncontrollably. So she has been like my rock over the last couple of years and I just feel so hurt and betrayed that she's pregnant. I know that's horrible and it's not her fault and she's been really sensitive about it but I just feel so uncontrollably jealous and it's just NOT FAIR. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me and now someone who I could always go to when I was struggling has become someone who I can't bear to be around for fear of her lovely growing bump that I just want more than anything in the world. I thought I was doing better at dealing with all of this but it's just knocked me for six. This is SO hard. 

Thanks for reading - just need a bit of support. 
xxxx


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## ChickyBoo

Hi there, it is the most horrible thing in the world - wanting so desperately for a child & all the while people around you are falling pregnany seemingly so easily. I know how you feel. My husband and I had been trying since we got married, we had a nice house and were settled and 'ready' to start a family but it just wasn't happening for us we'd had numerous tests etc. and had started down the IVF route. Then my brother, who was still at uni, and his girlfriend of 5 months announced that they were pregnant. I was SOOO angry, upset and hurt. I told him that he'd robbed me of being able to give our Mum her first grandchild and that it shouldn't have been him, it should be me. I was actually quite horrible to him. 
After I calmed down, I apologised and we smoothed things over but it was hard. Watching them go through the pregnancy and excitement of having a baby when it's what I wanted so desperately. BUT they had a little boy and he has been the most amazing blessing to my life. He will be 3 in May and I can honestly say that the last 3 years of trying to conceive and going through failed IVF attempts would have been all the worse had I not have had him (and them) in my life. They have been so supportive and were as overjoyed as we were when we finally could announce that we were pregnant before Christmas. 

It's so hard, but don't blame your sister in law for wanting/having another baby, it's not her fault. You will get there yourself, no matter how unlikely it feels now, and when it does you will be overwhelmed with your own happiness and other people's for you.


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## sickofwaiting

Thanks ChickyBoo, I know you are right, and it's not her fault. I went over to hers for dinner last night and it was fine so I am trying to keep my feelings under control! I love my nephews so maybe another one will actually bring me some joy. It's just hard to feel that way right now. I just feel like it's never going to be my turn.

Thanks for sharing your story and a massive congratulations to you, what wonderful news  I hope that will be me one day! xxx


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## Keeping busy

Just wanted to send you a really big  . We have all been there and it ie horrible xxxxxxxxxxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi Sickofwaiting
I hear what you're saying. It's such a heartbreaking thing to hear from your nearest and dearest!
When I first started trying I had a boyfriend, but he left me after my 1st miscarriage because he decided he didn't want a baby (and preferred to go to the woman he'd been cheating with), and for much of my TTC journey I have been single.
So you already have a very important ingredient other women might be jealous of when they look at your life - your DH. I know it's hard, but it's worth reminding yourself what you can be grateful for, despite all the heartbreak.
Your age is also on your side.
I am now nearly 37 and pregnant with my first baby, and also happened to meet a nice man on the way - yes that is a lot of Christmasses and birthdays without a baby to share my joy with, but hopefully I am getting there at last.

What I wanted to tell you about my attitude to other women is this, I used to feel like you every time I heard that announcement, but as more and more of my close friends and family became pregnant (thankfully not my younger sister... one of my cousins didn't see one of her sisters for a whole year as she couldn't stand being around her being pg) I began to believe that it would be my turn soon, and that I wanted to keep those women in my life and not alienate myself from them.

You probably start to worry that you're 'missing the boat' when another year goes by without you giving birth, but trust me it will be worth holding on to close friendships (although they change with babies on the scene...), and you will find that once you do get pregnant there are a few other friends who suddenly also have their babies at the same time as you!

Your SIL sounds like a wonderfully supportive friend, and very sensitive to your feelings. Maybe keep the contact to phone calls/emails until her baby is born (I found babies easier to deal with than pregnant bellies), I am sure she will understand.
Don't forget, you are on the SAME side (or trying to be) as all those pregnant ladies, and with many of them (people you don't know) you may be surprised to find it wasn't easy for them either.
Often when people comment on my pregnancy I do remind them it took me 5 years to get this far, but many women keep their struggles a close secret.

You are doing everything you can to soon have a baby of your own, and all those negative feelings will fade into the background.
Fingers crossed hun! xxx


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## sickofwaiting

Thank you all for your replies, it means so much to me. 

Broody Chick I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. You are totally right, I am so lucky to have my DH. He really is amazing and remembering all the things I am thankful for does make it slightly easier. I can't imagine how hard it is to go through this journey single so I have the utmost respect for you, you must be super strong. I am so glad you have met a nice man and are now pregnant, what a wonderful happy ending and it really gives me hope. I am really lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive family and friends, my SIL is wonderful and I will come round to the news I think it was just a bit of a shock! She gets pregnant really easily so it was extra hard to hear the news. I think it's just sometimes it's easy to lose perspective on things and I definitely feel like that right now. I feel like I'm not doing anything because I am just waiting to have my operation and my second round of IVF but it's happening in a matter of weeks so there is progress, it just doesn't feel like it. Who knows maybe I will be pregnant in a few of months and we can be preggo pals together....?! I will try and stay positive.

Thanks again, so much. 

xx


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## BroodyChick

Exactly, Sickofwaiting - you cannot control what goes on around you or even in your own body, but you can control your mind and try to keep an optimistic outlook!
Yes, time flies but that also works the other way around when you have your baby in your arms! xx


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## Froggy82

Hello sickofwaiting,
I feel like you every time there is a pregnancy announcement in my close circle and I've been OBSESSED with having a baby for two years. However, this weekend, my DH had to have an emergency surgery, without any warning (he is fine now). And suddenly I got some perspective back: part of my life is very sad without a baby, but I have a wonderful husband and he is so precious, and without him I don't know what I would do. Remember the good things in your life and focus on yourself. You need all your energy for your baby project. 
Hope you feel better.
xxx


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## lexiecat

Hi sickofwaiting

Just wanted to add my support as well. There is nothing more painful than a pregnancy announcement when you are struggling. I couldn't cope with it at all and spent many a down day after spotting a dreaded scan pic on ******** or finding out someone was preggers the first flipping month of trying 
What I will say is that when you finally get what you truly deserve all the heartache is worth it, I promise you xx


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## Mrsball

Hi
Sending lots of  
I haven't got much to add to what other ladies have said really other than to say it's normal. I cry every time I hear it. And I got caught out for the first time in work last week with a colleague showing me her scan photo. It's incredibly hard but I guess we all have different journeys and I try to remember that a lot if the time we may not even know what these other people may have been through themselves it get there 
Stay strong Hun x x


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## Dory10

Sick of Waiting  

It is completely normal to feel as you do.  We've all had to battle those jealousy demons many times - not only does the jealousy feel bad but you then punish yourself afterwards for feeling that way!

You can't stop, nor would you want to, people around you becoming pregnant and announcing their pregnancies and that is always going to hurt.  You can take control of it a bit though - let your friends know that you are happy for them but might find it hard at times, be honest with them.  I also found that deleting my ******** account has been a life saver!

Take care of yourself and when you're having a bad day come on here where we all understand what you're going through.

Dory
xxx


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## sickofwaiting

WOW Lexiecat I just read your signature! Congratulations!! And thank you for your kind words, it really has given me hope. I am hoping and praying that the laparoscopy I am having in March will help sort things out and we may even conceive naturally who knows.... I like the thought of it being possible anyway!! 

Froggy82 - I am so sorry to hear about your husband's emergency surgery - I am so glad he's ok. You are right that it puts things into perspective and I know I am so so lucky to have my wonderful husband. We have been together since we were 15 and I don't know what I would do without him, he really is my rock. 

mrs ball - that must have been tough having someones' scan photo shoved in your face. When I worked in an office a woman brought her baby into work and I refused to get up from my desk as they all crowded round her I just had to sit at my computer and blink back the tears. It really feels like a knife through the heart. 

xxx


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## olivepuppy

Completely know where you are coming from  and how you feel  My sister in law got pregnancy first time trying and had a baby boy in January, doesn't help that I can't stand her but I do feel bad that I want nothing to do with him and feel such resentment towards then, luckily they live in Dubai so I have been spared the having to visit bit. Then before Christmas when we were having a rubbish time, everything was going wrong including me having broken my leg and my sister phone to tell me she was pregnant, it was such a shock (2nd child, took 18months first time and 1 month 2nd time) and I tried so hard to congratulate her. She has been there for me through all of this but I can't help feeling angry and upset that she gets to have 2 babies in the time we have been trying for 1. I find I am better when I am with her, when I am away from her I get a build up of anger inside me, completely unfair on her cos its not her fault but I can't help it!


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## yogabunny

just want to send you a massive    and be another person to say I totally understand. Our neighbour has just had a baby and i can't face going to say hello after last year. 

Good to vent on here sometimes, otherwise those emotions can bottle up and end up affecting your relationships too much.

It is so wonderful being an auntie, and the two little ones that have come along since we have been trying have saved my sanity, and are a joy... but still hurt to hear the news...

glad you have been round to SIL and it seemed easier. it's so isolating this rubbish, we need to try and keep the good friends we've got close, but easier said than done when it is like a knife of grief sometimes when you are happy for them but desperately sad.

lots of love
xxx


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## sickofwaiting

Thanks 

I am feeling a bit better now the shock has worn off. I just got off the phone with an acupuncturist who specialises in Fertility (luckily I live in Brighton so there are quite a lot of alternative therapies!) she was really supportive and suggested lots of things I can try. Going to have an acupuncture and consultation session next week so will report back! Feels good to at least be doing something. 

Am reading a book called The Pursuit of Motherhood, which was just published, it's good but the things that lady has gone through are unbelievable. xxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi Sickofwaiting, I read that book too, got it at the signing/launch event I went to with another FF lady - really good!

By the way, I had 3 acupuncture sessions before my successful FET, so you're on the right track xxx


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## sickofwaiting

BroodyChick - oh cool maybe it was you who mentioned it, i saw it on here somewhere! 

just booked the acupuncture for next thursday, feels so good to be doing something pro-active. Glad to hear it worked for you! Very intriguing, I've never had any sort of alternative therapy before xxx


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## ChickyBoo

Hi again sickofwaiting, so glad you're starting to feel a bit better. Just saw your post and wanted to tell you a little bit about my acupuncture experience. 
After doing some research I started seeing an acupuncturist after I had started down-reg for my first ICSI cycle - she said that for the best results I should have started seeing her before to fully prepare my body but starting anytime was better than nothing. I had a great cycle, no side effects, felt great, lots of good quality eggs and got through with 5 blasts. They would only transfer one embie so we had one trfd and 2 were viable for freezing. Sadly it resulted in a BFN. 
Second cycle was FET with our two frosties & I didn't have any acupuncture at all, I didn't cycle nearly as well and Dr had a real tough time with the transfer whereas first time it was a breeze. Again BFN.
After the failed FET I decided to go back to acupuncture over the summer to fully prepare myself for the next fresh cycle we were planning on starting in September. So I started end of June and had sessions all through the summer and all through our treatment which started in September. We got our BFP in October! Hoorah! I then went back and had acupuncture during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy as it can prevent miscarriage and help with symptoms. I have had the most amazing pregnancy so far - not a spot of bleeding, haven't been sick once, wasn't too tired during the first trimester and have generally felt fantastic. Is it all down to acupuncture? I don't know for sure but I would bet money on the fact that it's helped.
Whilst all this was going on, I recommended my acupuncturist to one of my friends who had had two miscarriages and had taken over a year to get pregnant for each one. She started seeing her last December and by end of Feb my friend was pregnant - she had sessions for the first 12 weeks and also had a great pregnancy. She now has a beautiful little boy. She also went back for pre-birth acupuncture from 37 weeks and had an amazing birth and really quick too. So i'm definitely going to give that a go!

Sorry for the massively long post but I really do believe that it helps so good on you for giving it a go. It's expensive but stick with it x


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## sickofwaiting

Oh that's amazing Chicky Boo! I am so glad to hear good things about it. I've always thought about doing it but never actually taken the plunge... the acupuncturist seems really nice and knows loads about fertility and IVF so at the very least it will be someone to talk to and support me! She is going to help me with charting too and prescribe some chinese herbs.. I was a bit skeptical about taking herbs but have read good things about it so I am willing to give it a try! 
It was interesting talking to her because I said I am having this lap in March and then IVF in April hopefully, and she asked me why I am rushing into IVF straight after and not giving myself a chance to try naturally. I said I had originally wanted to wait 6 months after the lap to try naturally but the doctor encouraged me not to 'hang about' because my FSH test is due in May and if it goes up over 10 I won't get any funding  she said she thinks I should wait and then try IVF later in the year. She said IVF is a last resort and not something to rush into, and to be honest I do think I sort of rushed into the 1st cycle without really thinking about it - I just naively thought it would be the answer to our prayers. She also said that if my FSH has gone up then it's not a good idea to have IVF anyway because it's less likely to be successful if it's over 10. Better to work on trying to bring it down and get myself in good shape (and have accupuncture etc) and be fully healed from the surgery. Anyway I have a consultation with the IVF doctor after my surgery so I guess I can decide then. 

Sorry for rambling, this is going round in my head a bit!!
xx


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## ChickyBoo

I did the acupunture + herbs with this last cycle (not the two previously) so I think the two combined is really good. Mine had me charting too & it was amazing to see over the months how my cycle shortened, became more regular & I could clearly see when I was ovulating. With all that I was secretly hoping to fall pregnant over the summer naturally but it wasn't to be. DH has a low sperm count & I kept trying to get him to go too but he wasn't really up for it. Fortunately though the IVF finally worked for us  
Like you say, there's no rush to decide now - you can start acupuncture, have your lap in March & see the consultant after & then decide.  Good luck hunny, I really hope it all works out for you, you will get there in the end even if it doesn't feel like it now. I'd resigned myself to the fact that we were not going to have children naturally & I was going to give up after this last cycle...then our little miracle baby girl came along & is kicking away inside as I type   It's magic & so worth the wait & heartache when you finally get there.


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## Littlecat

Hi Sickofwaiting. I felt like I rushed into my first cycle of IVF too, without really thinking about it. TTC naturally wasn't an option for us, but with this last cycle, we really thought about it and did all the prep we could. I did accupuncture & also saw a nutritionist as there are some diet changes that can help with endometriosis (largely cutting out wheat). I don't think that guarantees a positive outcome, but I believe it was a huge contribution to it working this time. I also think if I'd done some of those things before my tubes were removed, I would have been able to conceive naturally, so I hope that is how it works for you. 

I also wanted to say I completely agree with everyone else about the reaction to your SIL being normal. My little sister is amazing, but one of the worst days of my life was when she told me that she was pregnant. It felt like the end of the world. Now, as Chickyboo said, I wouldn't be without my sister or my niece in my life.


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## sickofwaiting

You are all SO lovely!!! Thank you!! I feel much more positive now. Also just had a text from my SIL (it was her friend who recommended the acupuncturist I am going to see) and she said another friend of theirs went to see her and had loads of fertility problems and is now 14 weeks pregnant! So that has cheered me up. My husband has agreed to have acupuncture and take the herbs too so I am really grateful for that as I know men don't usually like to do those things... 

LittleCat - I was thinking about seeing a nutritionist too. Since I found out about the cyst I lost half a stone, have been going swimming, eating healthier, less dairy, organic meat and drinking herbal teas and cutting down on caffeine. Still been drinking alcohol and eating wheat though I can't seem to give those ones up... anyway I feel fitter and healthier so I am going in the right direction! Going for an early morning swim tomorrow - I actually look forward to it now! 

I will let you know how I get on at my appointment next Thursday xxx


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## yogabunny

Hi sick of waiting do you mind me asking who the acupuncturist is that you have been recommended? I'm in Brighton too..... I have see. 2 different acupuncturists both lovely, I go to Anahata in kemp town now and see a great guy there, and they have a low cost clinic- has allowed me to keep going with it despite cost.... I think it has contributed to me having a surprise bfp and if I ever get there again I will book in a schedule....  But always interested to hear a recommendation  x


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## sickofwaiting

Hi Yoga Bunny - of course, she's called Elaine Cook and her clinic is on **** Road. Her website is http://www.ecacupuncture.co.uk. I am glad to hear that you think the acupuncture helped get your BFP. I am so sorry to read about your miscarriages - you have had a really rough time, I hope you get another BFP soon. I will let you know what I think of the session xx

/links


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## yogabunny

Thank you hun, for the recommendation and also the lovely message  Look forward to hearing what you think. xxx


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## sickofwaiting

Hi everyone, 

Just thought I'd update you re: the acupuncture. Sorry this thread has gone a bit off topic! 

I have had 3 sessions now, once a week. At first I wasn't sure about it but now I do think it's helping. I think it's one of those things you have to stick at, not just have one go and problem solved! She said I am really stagnated!! She can see it on my tongue and when she put the needles in my abdomen I could really feel them and she said she could tell and that part of my body is stagnated. She recommends I do more exercise and give up dairy!! I love cheese…  but I am going to give it a try. She also asked about my cervical mucus (sorry TMI) and I admitted I don't get very much. She said the acupuncture will definitely help with that so it will be interesting to see if it does! I've got 2 more sessions and then I'm having my lap. 

Will update again soon! 

xx


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