# Babies galore.... great!



## Alex76 (Apr 30, 2014)

Well, I've certainly had a happy and yet difficult weekend to say the least.  Met my new niece (she is v cute  ) and then went to a bbq.......full of babies and toddlers. Mixed emotions really as I was so happy to meet my new baby niece, but it all got a bit much at the bbq as everything is so 'baby' orientated. I don't know if this is weird, but what upsets me the most is that I actually don't feel like I've got anything in common with most of my friends nowadays   I can't empathise with their tiredness or sore boobs etc  - I just feel really left out. I don't want to make a fuss, but I do sometimes wish my friends and family would be a little more sensitive to my issues - I only found out I couldn't have children either naturally or via IVF in January, so it's all a bit raw. Maybe I need to take up a new hobby Feeling depressed


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh Alex, I don't think that there's one of us here that doesn't feel this way at some point.  I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

I feel like I've completely isolated myself from social occassions, I'm trying to get over how sensitive I feel about it now but it still hurts.  I don't think that feeling of being an odd one out will ever go away.  I dread get togethers with my DH's friends, it is all about the children and they speak of little else - the latest arrangements for the summer had a bit of an outline for the weekend and at 8pm apparently all of the women need to put their children to bed and the fathers can have a drink.  I guess that I'll just go to my room alone then  .  It hurts even more because DH is a father already.

I think that we're both very sensitive (often rightly so) and other people hugely insensitive and child focussed.  It's all a bit of a mess I think.  No one ever imagines that infertility might be an issue for someone else, so they never think to be sensitive.  It's really opened my eyes about being careful with what I say, because you really never know what is happening in someone else's life.

I've read just about every infertility, get on with your life, book out there I think.  They all seem to suggest finding a hobby.  I do think that it's a fantastic idea and it will help to give you something else to focus on.  I have a real issue with it at the moment, if I take up a hobby I feel like I'm giving up and admitting that this really is it.  Such a silly way to look at it I know.

I don't think that there is a miracle cure for feeling comfortable and part of society, it's all very psychological and about managing our depression and obsessions I think.  

Do you friends know what is happening in your life lovely? xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

You're an inspiration Gail  , thank you for posting  

I think that you're right.  As time has gone on, I have found it easier.  I think that we'll always feel it but you've hit the nail on the head with moving forward.  Sigh, maybe it is time to find myself a hobby and stop thinking about it as a sign that I'm accepting and moving on  

I know that in a way I'm lucky to have step children but my experiences are never the same as my DH and I so want to share it with him.  It's such a sad reminder that our paths are different and that we can't have our own children.  We also have all of the ties and the financial constraints but children only at the weekend.  It has been a weird life to get used to.  Rewarding though, just painful too.

I think that you're so right in finding something that you love doing and avoiding those that you don't need to put yourself through.  If you're family is loving and your friends are true friends then they will just go with the flow and understand xx


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## Alex76 (Apr 30, 2014)

Thanks ladies   I really appreciate your kind words. I'm sure that many people just don't think about how some of their comments can affect you if you are infertile, I guess babies are all consuming, especially when they are  new born. I think I am worse some days as I also have endometriosis and that makes me feel really knackered and fed up too, it's like a constant reminder that my uterus and ovaries don't work properly - oh the irony of having a disease that makes my periods awful yet I am unable to conceive! Anyway, I am lucky in that I have a great husband and my pets have been a great comfort     Sounds like you have both been through the mill, but as you say are 'moving forward'. Thanks again


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Hi Alex, sorry to read your news.

I just wanted to add..... We are moving onto a different path.... We tolerate the family events, where dh and I always sit at the end of the table as we're 'not in the club' I used to suffer in silence and now I bite back!!

Not being horrible, but really.  The classics of the weekend (people don't realise, nor can they emphasise how it hurts you when they have never been affected) are:

You can borrow these and practise, if you can handle my three you can handle anything (like our adopted child is going to be awful, likely, but still!!)

Oh, threes easy, you should have one more (we'd be over the moon with just one)

My mum gives me a bottle of very excited champagne as is moving away.... I brought this for when you had your babies.... No pressure three then

Oh when you get your kids (not a god given, nor is it like the 1960s when we go and pick one, nor is it a quick process.... It will happen soon.  Yes to the process, no to the match!!)

I've decided, after lots of crying in toilets, and excuses, dh and I come first.  I bite back.  I am over sensitive, I know this, and if this doesn't work out.  We will be happy.  We will be sad for the life we didn't have and the baby we lost, but we are luckier than most.

Life is a journey and we have wasted so much time, money and energy, and there's no gaurntees.... I can't remember the point I was making, but sometimes I think you need to say, guys enough.  Walk away... People will go... Oooooooooo hark at it, but they will stop for awhile!!

Either that or I am just a grumpy sod!!

You will find your path Alex, it will be different to how you planned.... But the journey can still be fun x take care xx


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## Mel2304 (Nov 5, 2012)

Hey ladies!

Every post on this thread sums up how ai ma feeling!!! it is so reassuring that others feel the same!

We have two failed IVF attempts and had a review to do a third but just got the news that my AMH has dropped from 23.4 to 9.8 in a year! its not the worst situation but combined withthe male factor our chances are probably more slim! Absolutely everyone around me is having babies! obviously happy for everyone but like some of you, i feel I have nothing in common with those friends who have children! I havent experienced any of these things!

At this point I feel happy in my life 9it took months to get here), my dh and I have been focussing on each other, we watch boxsets, drink some wine, go on spontaneous breaks away and have planned an amazing holiday!!!

i am not sure if we will proceed with our third and final IVF attempt (we had planned to do it in October) but if it is successful, fantastic a summer baby next year who will be adored but if it is not successful, ive had a glimpse of what my life could be without children and its not too bad at all!! Its such a journey and I have gone from children being the be all and end all to realising it may not be the be all and end all for us.

I havent got a hobbly as such but have thrown myself into working out and as I say have had spa breaks and going to turkey in 2 weeks.

It is a cliche and i woud have roled my eyes at someone who said it to me but i do believe what will be will be.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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