# Help! i'm going crazy this cycle



## mejulie40 (Jul 5, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

Hope you can give me some advice and support.
I am currently on bcp waiting for donor egg cycle to start with ec due mid feb. This will be our 2nd de cycle but have had own ivf and many mc's over the years. I am part of the de forum but feel may be better posting here as almost 47!

This is the first treatment I've not told anyone about and I'm so stressed out by it, I hate not being able to confide in my mum but just feel she no longer understands, especially when she makes comments like " good you are no longer trying as too old and not fair on a child as you'd be my age when they are 20" aarghh... then my cousin says " glad its over as I got too upset every time you lost a pregnancy" good to get support from her.

Why can't people understand I want to be a mum and will never give up unless the doc's tell me no hope. I have always been so focused on my treatment but feel so lost at the moment, just feel lonely and  maybe scared it's all going to go wrong again. 

Sorry for the rant..


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hello lovely  

I'm certain you'll get lots of support here    I had my DD at 47 and was so lucky to have my DS at 50 and I can assure you that whilst some things would have been easier had I been 10 years younger, they mainly relate to being able to get back up off the floor without creaking    Our age is what it is, and I actually think that baring the obvious (being around forever - which is never a guarantee) our children are actually better off with us as older parents. We are calmer (well mostly   ), more travelled, more seasoned, better off (barring IVF costs   ) and I actually think we love them more  

We had no support during our journey as we didn't tell anyone, and tbh have had almost none since the children arrived. That's fine, I'm used to working for everything I've achieved. It means more and you don't need to thank anyone for it !! My mum made me cross on many occasions, especially about my age, when she had managed 3 children by 23 !! But it was a different world then. She gave up work the day before I was born & never had a job again. We clashed most of the time & sadly lost her last year, but she absolutely doted on the children.

A friend once bought me a fridge magnet that said 'Friends are the Family we choose for Ourselves' and that is so true. I got my support (and still do) from my lovely FFs. Around 35 of us are still in touch from our due date thread, almost 6 years later !! We've been through so much together & still are. Divorces, ectopics, more cycling, schools and slow cooker recipes !! No questions are off limits !

Good luck with your cycle, and feel free to rant away  

Bundles x


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## tarapt (Nov 4, 2016)

MeJulie, I am in a similar position. will be 47 this year.  It is so hard knowing that our age is against us (and the rest of the world because we'll be old mums) if this is what you want, and I'm sure it is - otherwise why would you be here? then you just have to go for it.  

Do you have someone at work who you can talk to?

If not, there is always someone on here who you can talk to or who can offer advice.  

I'm sorry I have no magic wand, but I hope you feel a little less alone as we are all here for you virtually.

xxx


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## Syd72 (Sep 15, 2016)

MeJulie I totally sympathise. I’m in the middle of my first donor egg cycle and just about to turn 46. We haven’t told family what we’re doing although if it works I know both families will be thrilled. However, I worry constantly about being judged because of my age, by strangers and friends. I know some friends will comment about my age even if only “jokingly” but I find it really hard to brush off comments like that. It’s certainly not going to stop me but it does play on my mind.

You’ve been through such a lot, I so hope everything works out for you in February x


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## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Hi MeJulie - also sending you a   and positive vibes! I can also relate to what you're going through. It's a shame other people & family sometimes can't be more supportive & understanding! But if they've not been through it it's more difficult for them to relate. But still   !! I'll be on 2nd DE cycle next too after numerous mcs, not easy is it!  Keep going & I hope the positive stories & support on here helps xx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am also sending positive vibes! All moms wish only the best for their children. However, it sometimes difficult to understand feelings of a person, when you are not in his/her shoes. On this forum we can support each other, as we are almost in the same position. However, our family and friends sometimes don't stand by our side, not cos they don't want, but cos, they fortunately haven't experienced that. Honestly speaking, do we understand others, who desire to e.g. to undergo plastic surgery? Rather not, as we have different priorities, and we are in different situations. Wish y have wonderful time with mum and family xx


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## Eloise242 (Jul 18, 2015)

I can really empathise with how you are feeling. I was 46 last September and we recently decided to accept an egg donor after 4 goes at own egg IVF. 

My parents seem to see the problems and can’t seem to see the positive in the path that we have chosen. I haven’t told any friends yet. I am thinking about it...

Thanks for your rant, you are not alone. All the best with your donor egg cycle.


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Don't worry I have had unsympathetic comments too from my mum, as I am single she said that people would think I sleep around if I get pregnant! It's not just age that people judge. However my thinking is its no one's business but mine whilst it can feel a bit lonely at first those who will support will come to the fore.  I also feel sure those closest to you will be your biggest supporters once they are over the initial surprise. But ultimately it's your life to live 💃🏻❤ Xx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I really feel for you. I totally agree with the others - Bundles puts it so well. You are obviously committed to being a mum so go for it. 
I was 47 when I had my son through a double donation cycle as I'm single. I had frosties so went back for another cycle and was blessed to have my daughter when I was 49. As Bundles says, we have a lot to offer as older mums. I feel we're more patient, maybe value having the children more as we've had to fight for it, give more stimulus and potentially can offer input with education. I do just as much as younger mums such as going to groups with my two children and I do get on the floor with them!!! 
I have two frosties in storage and I've actually been for an appointment at my clinic to discuss another cycle! I'm 50 now.
I have had moments when I've worried about what other people think about my age. My family and friends have been supportive since having the children, but I did not confide in my mum or sister before going ahead. The second time, I confided in several of my work colleagues and friends, who suspected I'd be going again and were all for it. I think the main comments have come from strangers but I am now moving past bothering about it. My main focus is my gorgeous family who I feel so lucky to have as I've waited so long. I don't want to let other people spoil it for me. 
Have a look on the thread about 'Terrific Trailblazers' about being an older mum and 'Being taken for grandma ...' for other people worrying about the same issues and to get support! 
Good luck


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## mejulie40 (Jul 5, 2011)

Thanks for all your comments and support.. it has really helped.. Love to you all xxxx


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## Pizzicato45 (Dec 30, 2015)

I can really empathise as well. I will be 45 1/2 very soon and am just starting to plan our first donor cycle abroad. We will not be telling anyone except my Mum and sister this time around, mainly because if people don't know, they can't say the wrong thing. I had mixed experiences with being open during my first cycle (so easy to say the wrong thing to a hormonally charged human) and I have already had a few people mention that we're too old now  
My Dad was 48 when I was born (50 when my sister came along) and I don't remember feeling like I had an "old" parent. My Mum became a mum in her mid-30s (positively geriatric by 1970s' standards). I had the most stable, supportive and positive childhood and feel very grateful to my parents. My Dad died when I was 32 - obviously I would have loved to have him around longer but there are no guarantees for anyone of any age. 

Wishing you the very best of luck for February   x


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## mejulie40 (Jul 5, 2011)

Just wanted to say thanks again for the support on here when I started this cycle.
I am now PUPO with a lovely high grade hatching embabie on board  plus we have 3 other high grade blasts on ice. 
Funny but I now feel so calm & relaxed, no longer feel the need to talk to anyone about it. Just hoping this little one sticks & stays this time. Be amazing to finally get our dream.

Love & babydust to you all xx


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