# Moral issues and implication counselling



## Anouk1 (Oct 21, 2012)

Hello everyone,
I'm new to the site and also a newbie to forums so I'm a bit nervous about posting for the first time.  However, I've been looking at different threads and the support here just seems so wonderful.
I'm 46 and met my beloved late in life and on reaching the point in our relationship where we felt secure and stable enough to bring a child into the world my consultant has advised that donor conception really is the only possibility.  There are so many issues to consider and feel comfortable with, that over the last 6 weeks I have begun to feel like my head is going to explode.  I'm struggling with issues such as anonymity (because of my age and the waiting list in the UK, it seemed like Spain would be a good option), and also what happens with the 'spare' embryos.  I feel sometimes like I'm going just a little bit bonkers and just wondered if others have felt the same.  Are these the kinds of things that are explored at 'implication counselling'?


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Anouk1
The need to use a donor to help create or add to a family raises issues of one sort or another for everyone. Most people find that a period of grieving for the child they have not been able to have is essential before being able to move on in a comfortable way to accepting donated eggs or sperm (or both). The head spinning you are experiencing may be because part of you is trying to go through this process at the same time as planning action as well. Sometimes it can be really helpful just to give yourself the space to be sad for a bit. Counselling can also help, although 'implications counselling' is all about the long term issues involved in becoming a parent by donor conception, not really about your feelings at the moment. You may want to find a counsellor outside of your clinic to talk to now. The British Infertility Counselling Association web site www.bica.net gives a list of qualified counsellors and their contact details. You may also want to look at the web site and/or join the Donor Conception Network www.dcnetwork.org in order to be in touch with other women and couples who have been in this position before you. They have a specialist group for older mothers/would-be parents.

When the time comes to find a clinic you do not need to go abroad as there are many clinics in the UK now that have either no waiting list or a very short one for egg donation. Try the CARE or London Women's Clinic groups of clinics, CRM in London or the organisation Altrui for individual help in finding the right donor for you.
Very best of luck
Olivia

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## Anouk1 (Oct 21, 2012)

Hi Olivia
Thanks so much for replying, for the links which I have found really useful, and for your wise words.  I found reading your reply quite an emotional experience as I've not communicated with anyone other than my partner about any of this.  I think that perhaps counselling would help along with opening up to those closest to me.  
Thanks for your good wishes 
Anouk1


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