# Repeated cycles have ruined sex for me



## twiglet123 (Feb 11, 2012)

Going out on a limb here and doing it because either it's just me that has this issue or everyone else does but are keeping quiet about it?  Will delete if no response.

I'm upset to find that my sex life has been really affected by IVF.  I'm not taking about having sex to a strict time schedule and how awful that is.  We've come through that because we know it's not going to happen naturally for us.  So you'd think we could just get on with sex again and get the enjoyment back.  DH doesn't seem to have a problem doing this.... But I'm struggling.

I feel very little.  I don't feel aroused or turned on.  I never feel in the mood.  When we do have sex my mind isn't on it, it wonders from shopping lists to what's on my to-do list for the rest of the week.  So there's certainly a mental change there but there's physical changes too.  TMI maybe but let's just say things do feel wet but don't feel slippery.  The consistency of my CM has somehow changed and not for the better?  If DH goes deep it really hurts - have things moved around in there?

I know this could be because in my mind my lady bits are no longer a sexy area but just an area that gets poked and proded by doctors and nurses during procedures that, at best, are uncomfortable.  Last time we had sex I actually cried, I felt so sad that not only has IVF not given me the baby I'd hoped for but it's actually taken away so much in the process.

Maybe it's just me... I don't know... And I'm not sure how to fix it without resorting to something big and scary like sex therapy?

Thoughts?


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi, sorry to hear you're having problems. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone - I'm struggling as well. I never feel in the mood or interested in sex, and as I'm in a same-sex relationship, we never had the stress of timed schedules. DW is very caring and understanding but I see how frustrating it is for her. It's difficult to know what to do! I hoped things would change after I got my BFP but nope.


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## twiglet123 (Feb 11, 2012)

Congrats on your BFP!!

Can yours be blamed on the pregnancy hormones I wonder?


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## barbster (Jan 26, 2012)

I have had a similar problem to you through our second treatment. I had a few problems after the first EC (we did a 2 cycle plan) and things got delayed from Dec to March, I had no AF and think all my hormones went a bit haywire. I had no sex drive, I did make the effort but one day blurted out to DH how I felt. It wasn't a good time, DH took things the wrong way (thought it was about him) and it caused a few issues which thankfully sorted themselves out.

Talk to DH about how you feel and maybe take the pressure off having sex for a while. Concentrate on other things like maybe a nice massage or if possible take a bath together or even try and get away for a weekend with no pressure on sex, just time to regroup together without the stress of IVF.  

I also found after my mc last year I was very dry so bought some conceive plus lubricant just to make things more comfortable and it did help. 

Good luck and don't put too much pressure on yourself, I think alot of us go through this due to the nature of IVF treatment but, like you say, it's not easy to talk about.

X


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

Thank you.  I wish I could use that as an 'excuse' but no, sex has been off the menu for quite a while. I haven't felt like it in a really long time and can't see it changing - which is horrible. I hope it does.

I agree with barbster, could you talk to DH about how you're feeling?


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## twiglet123 (Feb 11, 2012)

Yeah, well I did a bit.  I had to as he wondered about the tears.  He's a man of few words when it comes to emotions so he just gave me a hug and said nothing.  My plan is to keep going through the motions and hope the nice feelings come back!?

I like barbster's suggestion so might try a bath... Something we always used to do in the good old days.


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## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Hi twiglet,

Sorry to hear your difficulties at present. I think it could possibly be a combination of physical and mental stress? Obviously your body had really been put through its paces with all the poking, prodding, treatment and don't forget what a huge pressure it's probably been for you both emotionally too. Often when we've been through a huge stress in our lives out libido can take a nosedive. It doesn't mean you don't love your DH or don't still feel sexually attracted to him - its just been a tough time. My advice would be to take the pressure off yourself, spend time together and enjoy affection without sex. It'll all come running back at some point - I promise 

Good luck
Jojo xx


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

You really aren't alone,  I meet regularly with a group of girls who have all been through fertility treatment and we have discussed the lack of sex drive lots of times. I think its perfectly normal,  big


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi Twiglet,

I can completely relate to this and echo the comment about the conceive plus lubricant, it is great.

It takes me ages after treatment to get back in the mood and partially it is to do with the disappointment and partly with the pain that I went through after ec/et.  Also all the hormones make me feel unwell.

But it does come back.  And something that really helped me was doing a burlesque class and feeling more like my body was mine, I could have fun with it and dh and I was not just a failed ivf recipient.  Spending more time with dh helped too.

Take care of yourself and know you are not alone.

Hugs to all on this thread.
M
X


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## twiglet123 (Feb 11, 2012)

Thanks ladies.  Whilst I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's good to know others are going through the same thing and it's not just me.

Best of luck to you all x


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