# 8th failed IVF - time to move on or not!!!



## SallyPow (Nov 10, 2012)

Hi

We have just had our 8th failed IVF,  we have conceived twice but they have been very short lived as we have miscarried at 5 - 6 weeks.  I have a J-Pouch due to having UC when I was younger and have an overactive thyroid and raised thyroid peroxidase antibodies.  We produce good embryos but they don't seem to implant or if they do we miscarry - i'm assuming it's my immune system rejecting the embryos.

Our last cycle failed even after trying intralipid and blood thinners and we are wondering if there is any point continuing or if we should look at surrogacy as an option.

Any help /advice or stories from others would be greatly appreciated as it's so difficult deciding what to do or not to do as we don't really know what the issue is.  We are now considering surrogacy!!!

Thanks very much, Sal & Mart xxx


----------



## patiently queuing (Nov 15, 2012)

Hi,

Sorry to hear of your failed cycle; it doesn't get any easier does it?   

Surrogacy is an option although, personally, I would really like to carry, and the surrogacy route does seem fraught with legal issues/v expensive.  So I'm continuing, for the time being to try myself.  

I see from your sig that you do have some immune issues and I'm just wondering how you're treating these, i.e. empirically or if you're finding out what's going on in vivo at the time of a cycle and treating accordingly?  I think this can make a big difference.  With your colitis as well, I wonder if your TH1:TH2 ratio is an issue?  I don't know if you've tested this (admittedly this is all such a minefield/so daunting).  

Happy if you want to PM me.


----------



## SallyPow (Nov 10, 2012)

hi

thanks so much for your reply, its nice to know someone else is in a similar situation, were treating emperically as a lot of the tests seem quite contoversial, our last 3 cycles have been with intralipid and one of which we did conceive but miscarried, if i conceive again they will give me intralipid afterwards too.  i had clexane and asprin on our last cycle too and embryogen which is  new culture liquid, im not sure what other treatment we would have if we had other tests but will have a look at the th1:th2.


thanks again, sal x


----------



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Sally,

I hope you don't mind me posting.

I have been very fortunate with my IVF, but my best friend has had 6 failed cycles and has now decided to call it a day.  I have been there for her through out and supported her.

I really think it is a personal decision and only one that you can make.  For her personally the pain of another failed cycle was to much then the pain of not having a child.  Her DH has a good job and they are well off.  Financially they could have gone on, but emotionally she couldn't.  My friend wouldn't use DE/DS or surrogacy, so she felt there were no other routes to go down.

Her exact words now are that she is 'Living' again and yes she has her moments where she gets down, but they are far and few between.  She is starting her own business and her and her DH are going to start travelling.

I wish you all the best for the future on what ever path you choose.

Stacey
X


----------



## SallyPow (Nov 10, 2012)

Hi Stacey

Thanks very much for your reply and it is nice to know about your friend.  It is a difficult decision knowing when to give up or move onto something new.  Did your friend ever consider adopting - it's always an option for her after they have been travelling and i'm sure there are lots of young children out there who would love a mummy and daddy as much as she (and we) may want our own family.  It is something I have in the back of my head but aren't ready to move onto that quite yet.

Thanks again for your reply.

Sal xxx


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

hi sal

feel free to PM me for more info.

in brief i had UC and a failed j-pouch due to the UC invading my rectal stump - now AP resection and permanent ileostomy. 

after 10 FET/IVF tx we gave up and adopted 2 lovely little boys. 

4 years of happiness later we tried again - and on my 13th tx struck gold - our baby is due in 6 weeks 

we had tried everything - steroids, clexane, aspirin, intralipids - you name it we tried it............on our final fling we had our 2 poorest embryos that were lurking at the bottom of the freezer - and with nothing to loose waited until day 14 and put them in..... no drugs just ovulated and in they went.  

found out i was pg 5 days later and baby is happy, healthy and huge! 

it can and does happen - but only you will know when to give up  - before our boys we wish we had stopped earlier but now of course we know why we pressed on.....

ritz


----------



## SallyPow (Nov 10, 2012)

wow!!! ritz thanks so much for posting thats the best thing ive heard in a long time, congratulations in adopting 2 lovely little boys and a big congratulation on expecting your baby soon, thats great to know it was transfered during a natural cycle.  we are now considering having a mild ivf with minimal drugs to see if that could be the answer, i wish you all the very best!!! xxx

sal xxx


----------



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Ritzi,

What a fantastic story and I bet your boys are over the moon.  There was a lady on another website who had adopted 2 girls and they begged her for a sibling.  They had one last attempt for them and they are now expecting a boy!

Sally, My friend won't adopt because her DH is 50 yrs old now and she is 43 yrs old, so they would get an older child.  She also wants his biological child, as he has 2 daughters from his first marriage.

All the best to you.

X


----------



## goodluckplease (Mar 16, 2012)

Hi Sal,

we have just had our 7th consecutive failed cycle of icsi (husband vasectomy in previous marriage).  It is also in our minds should we stop?  One of those seven was an early miscarriage, but all the others BFN.  my natural killer cells are slightly raised, and the last two cycles I took prednisolone, clexane and aspirin.  Each fresh cycle we have had good eggs, good fertilisation and good numbers, and each frozen cycle they have survived the thaw well.  

However, before all these failures, we had miraculous beginners luck - on our first ever cycle a single day 3 embryo held on and we are lucky enough to have a gorgeous daughter, now 2 1/2.  And for that reason, because we know it can work, I think we will keep on trying for now.  We don't feel ready to stop yet.

If you have had two early miscarriages then at least something is working and maybe, just maybe, next time will be your lucky time.  Lots of "normal" (non IVF) couples have early miscarriages but then manage successful pregnancies.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think that so much of it is just down to luck (and actually although i agreed to the NK blood test and taking the extra drugs, i dont really believe in it much, otherwise how did our first cycle work?) We have been lucky one time out of 8 and counting.  So the odds are small.  But at some point maybe luck will come again, but only if we keep on trying and manage to maintain our sanity.

You will know for yourselves when you don't want to keep on trying.  We are thinking of adoption at that stage as surrogacy is hard for us to get our heads around.

Wishing you both strength and happiness in whatever form it takes.


----------



## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

hi there
im on my 10th cycle now and not holding out much hope as embies very poor quality, we are really considering surrogacy in india as our next move, im just so tired of it all but we dont want to give up after all these years of heartache without that bundle in our arms. we cannot adopt as i have chronic back pain and failed the medical so surrogacy is my only option left
we have tried everything over the last 17yrs natural remedies, donor eggs and immune treatment all tried. 
chronic infertility really is the most cruel thing to happen to anyone.

rosebud


----------



## honeycomb (Apr 16, 2010)

Hiya Sallypow! I haven't had as many cycles as you - it's been 12 years ttc and 4 cycles so far - but I really feel for you. It's heartbreaking going through all those treatments and ending up with nothing. All I'd say is if you still have hope then it isn't time to give up! My family keeps saying it's too much emotionally for us to go through and I've noticed friends are now starting to say maybe it's time we accepted it, but all the time I have hope I refuse to call it a day! Good luck to you.


----------

