# Running a Fertility Friends Support/Social Group



## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

*Setting Up and Running a Fertility Friends Support Group and/or Social Group.*

There are currently quite a number of Fertility Friends groups running in the UK. It is very likely that there is one near you. Before attempting to set one up - We would recommend that you seek out existing groups within your area using our location boards.

Should you not find a group local to you, then you may want to start one yourself. They can be extremely useful, providing an environment where people with infertility can feel less isolated, afraid or stigmatised - because they are with others who identify and understand.

There are two routes that you can take. A formal group, or a more relaxed social group. Both can play an important role, and they are both very valuable places for exchanging information. Typically, conversation ranges over the whole spectrum of treatment, alternative remedies, coping with conventional treatment, unhelpful doctors, good hospitals, special diets.

Some groups are set up as, or over time become, social groups where the members just like to meet up as friends and, for example, share a meal together. Although these groups are predominantly female - partners often join in too, although usually apprehensive at first. Social groups have really taken off in the past few years, and there has been a drop in formal groups.

Formal groups do require energy to set up and run. A number of support groups have been established over the years by people who are going through infertility themselves. Started by one person with the best intentions, some of them have disappeared because that one person just did not have the energy to do it all by themselves. In some cases the formal group has just natrally evolved into a less formal social group.

It is also important to be aware that people with infertility are very varied: there are people who have perhaps had children before and can no longer conceive, people who are single and people who have not conceived to date. You may also be joined by those who have recently obtained a positive test or those who have been part of Fertility Friends or the group for a while and are quite a way along their pregnancy journey or have sucessfully had children. We must not forget that those who have suffered infertility, but perhaps later become pregnant also understand the pain of infertility and have perhaps built up social bonds within the group.

In some instances, people suffering the pain of infertility find themselves unable to cope sitting next to a pregnant women - many do accept that this pregnant woman has negotiated the trauma of infertility, and find that they can accept this person. Similarly, some people suffering the pain of infertility find it difficult to be around babies and young children - this is not always the case though. From the outset, you need to carefully consider how you will manage such delicate situations.

Below are some tips that may be useful in setting up a formal support group and avoiding some of the pitfalls.

*Starting Out*

It helps if you know other people in your area personally to help you get the group off the ground. It may even be useful to form a little committee to share the work involved. This means that it does not all depend on you and, if you are ill or just can't get to meeting, the meeting will still happen.

*Fertility Friends*

Fertility Friends is happy for you to use our name within your groups name and will allow you an area within the appropriate locations board to post information about your group. We are also happy to maintain a public and private list of support group coordinators with contact details, for verification by clinics if needed.

Fertility Friends cannot be responsible for your group in any way. This includes not being accountable for any finanical arrangements that the group makes or for resolving any disputes which arise from any such arrangements.

*Place*

A place to meet is obviously a key element to a support group. It has to be available to be used regularly and easy for people to get to so that enough people turn up to make the group viable. It's also helpful not to be charged for the space, as money can become a complicating factor. You don't need anything flash, just a private room with movable chairs will do. You could also consider contacting local hospitals, colleges, libraries, social service organizations and recreation centers - as these are all possible places.

Your local IVF unit might even let you use the waiting room one evening when its closed and many units have hot and cold drinks available in the waiting rooms... but ask them if you can use them first. A potential benefit of approaching your IVF unit could be that they may agree to help you with the group, perhaps one of the Fertility Nurses may agree to attend and answer the groups' questions or give a talk.

Many groups start off meeting in public venues such as cafes or pubs/restaurants - again this removes the need to enter into any financial arrangements. Some groups start off by cycling (not literally!) through members houses.

*Time*

How often the group meets can be decided on over time, i.e. what the group wants. However in the beginning it is probably good to make the meeting in the early evening for an hour on two, once a month.

*Information*

There is much information available on infertility that is either old or just wrong. It can be a useful idea to assemble a large ring binder of information and keep it current as you go along. We would advise hand writing a 'to be checked' date on each item of information you collect. We advise a date which is roughly 12 months on from the date for each article. This helps you weed out the old information. Members of the group can be encouraged to bring articles from newspapers and journals and print-outs from the internet (please feel free to print out anything from Fertility Friends). It is a good idea then to have it checked, perhaps by a nurse specialist or cross-reference it with reliable sources. Try to make sure your information sources are accurate and up-to-date.

Fertility Friends has a number of experts available to validate information you may have.

*Advertising*

It is important to make the effort to let people know who, what and where you are. Local newspapers are always keen to write small articles on a new local group. Get in touch with a journalist and send them the details. This way the information stays accurate and the journalist doesn't have to do much work.
Send the details to relevant web sites. This site features a list of support groups. You can also make a new simple A4 poster up every month, which includes time, place, date and a contact number. The local GP surgeries, libraries and the IVF unit of the local hospital are all good places to put up a poster, but get permission first.

Fertility Friends are working on official template posters that you can build online and print.

*Structure*

There is no single right structure for a formal support group meeting. You may want to let it develop over time. Here are some suggestions for running a formal support group:

Greet members as they arrive and introduce them to other members
Establish the ground rules and agenda for the meeting then take a subsidiary role deferring to all the members
Start with the latest news about infertility that you or other members have come across
Be aware of each member's participation or lack of and try to make sensitive or well-timed remarks to draw members out
Do not answer questions you don't know
Be a role model of acceptable group behavior
Explain that any personal information shared during the meeting should stay in the group

Lastly - Don't forget to ask us if you need advice!

Good luck.


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