# Feeling down with everything, hubby, ttc etc........



## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Sorry in advance but gonna have a little rant and clear my mind.....

Im tired of going through this very hard journey alone, all the emotions, the hurt and the pain of it all, whenever i feel depressed or down or whenever i cry my husband just thinks im being silly, little does he know i need a shulder to cry on, an arm around me & to be told its all gonna be alright.....

He just storms out and calls me childish and tells me if its gonna happen then it will... I mean c'mon whats with all tha....
I ask myself does he really want this child, but believe me he wants one just as much as i do. Im not sure if thats just his way of dealing with things, but it hurts me more than i already am......

And above all that, i know i have one tube left (right) which is blocked with a little cyst but im still keeping positive & thinking that maybe the sperm could swim past this to meet the egg......

WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING BUT ONLY EVER HAVE SEX 3/4 TIMES A MONTH.... lol

i know ridiculous aint it, we are supposed to be trying to concieve. I dont just mean the odd month here and there but every single month.  When ever i spk to hubby and tell him that we need to be doing this everyday or at least every two days he goes nuts....

I am so desparate now for this a child im 29 almost and really want this, but how can i get pregnant without having sex, id have to be Mary.... lol... Joking aside i nreally believe that i may be able to concieve naturally if only we had sex... is it just me or is roughly 4 times a month no where near enough to catch....

Sorry to go on but i cant talk to hubby without a huge bust up so felt i needed to put all this down in text.....


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

I have also given up doing my monthly ovulations tests too.... everytime its my week/day of ovulationg and i mention the importance of trying today... he is either tired, prefers to have a drink or we are arguing whivh obviously means no sex.....

Why do i bother......

I told him i were ovulating 2 days ago and asked him not too drink... guess what..... whe n i left to go back to work he went out and bought a drink..... So no sex again this month....

Arrrrrggggghhhhhh

Think ill be looking for a sperm donar


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

hello, its really hard to know what to say    
have you considered seeing a counsellor?
maybe your husband is feeling the pressure that TTC inevitably brings and doesn't know how to express it any better than he is doing?

as for the crying and feeling depressed, well i'm sure all of us have days and weeks when that it all we can do.  my husband is like yours and gets quite angry with me when i just want to lie in bed crying for a few hours, but its not that he isn't feeling the same pain, he just can't stand to see me hurting when there is nothing he can do to ease it.


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Thats what i thought. that maybe he dont like to see me upset.... but to tell me im being childish or silly tells me he couldnt care less...

I werent expecting any replies, lol.... i just had to get it all out ya know.. i know there are so many of us out there who are feeling the same pain and emotions just wish my hubby could get more involved and understand a bit more.....

Im sure ill feel fine tomorrow, guess im just having another on of those down moments and the only way i can feel better is by letting it all out.... Sorry to have to post such a horrid and depressing post.

xxxx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

sounds very familiar, i think most people who have experience infertility have or are going though what you have described.

very often are yearning for a child can put ALOT of pressure on our other halfs and lets me honest, sex on demand is pretty bland and its no wonder men tend to back off (normal!!) maybe next time your ovulatiing dont tell him just try and make the right moves

men deal with all the emotions of ttc very different, i know mine does and very often i would do my crying alone.

if you can find a time and have a chat to him casually, it might take the pressure off a little.

if your IVF is coming up as i think it might be, have you thought about stopping TTC and enjoying things a little before the rollercoaster of treatment as you wana go into it postive and happy


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## PixTrix (Aug 20, 2008)

Hi Leigsha,
sorry you are having such a crap time at the moment. Believe me you may feel as so alone at the moment but much of what you explain has probably been experienced by most of us on here at some point. TTC and all that comes with it as the years pass has got to be one of the hardest things that anyone can go through in their lives. Because of DP's medical problems, I could probably count on one hand the number of times we have done the deed this year lol so believe me I know how difficult it is.

Your hubby may just be finding it all hard to deal with. If he is anything like most men avoidance is their way of coping. I'm not saying that is the correct way to deal with it, but maybe that is how he gets by at the moment. I certainly think it is unfair that he calls you childish. Going through infertility is heart wrenching and many tears understandably fall. 

Like Kara says be casual. Don't make it all about ttc and the end result. Spend some time together, have some fun without any mention of ttc and who knows where it could lead.


We are here for you, one day your dream WILL be within reach  x


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Hi Kara havent spoken to you for a while. Thank you for your reply..... I have tried not to think or should i say havent thought about it at all.... but i dont know we just never seem to be able to get it on.... I dont know what it is, its lke he has totally lost interest in sex altogether or me, i dont know!!!!!called the 

I know deep down you are right in what you say about men dealing with things differently and i have put my feelings aside and takien that into consideration but nothing seems to get any better......

Hi PixTrix. how are you? Thank you for your reply. This really was meant to clear my mind im quite suprised by the replies, lol....
I know he is prob dealing with this in his own way, but one thing is for sure that under no circumstances should alchol/drinking become 1st priority too him. He drinks more than we have sex.... that i will never understand.

Kara... You are right in my IVF coming up soon, i were told it was 12months wait from when i were put on the list in Dec 08 (23rd). I called the hospital the other day and spoke to receptionist and they told me it is now 14 months so where as i were due to be called in December it looks as if now it wont be until late January/February.....

I just want to get in there and start the process....

Thanks for you replies and taking the time to pick me up. xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## PixTrix (Aug 20, 2008)

I'm good thanks Leigsha. You are right, drinking should not come first. Perhaps he will come out the other side of a bit of a blow out. I went through a stage with my DP and drinking, he now drinks nothing at all! It was almost as if he needed to get things out of his system before seeing the priorities of things. 

Just think the new year will soon be here now and then you will be close to the rollercoaster of IVF. Hang in there, you could soon be growing a lovely bump!


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## serenfach (Nov 6, 2008)

Hi Leighsa.. you have some great words of wisdom and experience from the girls here so far 

Has your DH always been this way about sex? I'm just thinking that maybe the constant [and we've all been there and done it] chatter and pressure to have sex at certain times of the month might have your DH thinking you don't actually fancy him anymore, but rather you just want his sperm. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's how it is, but maybe that's how he sees it?

Also there's the attention aspect, too - he may need more than you're giving him? Ttc is hard on both sexes. It's like some couples have a baby and the dad starts 'acting up' because the attention that he used to have is now given to babby. It's a subconcious thing with all human beings and it can come out in wierd ways [especially with men!!] 

He obviously loves you and as you said, he wants a baby as much as you do.. but like the girls have all said here.. maybe he has a different way of seeing your journey and ultimately a different way of dealing with it. Let's be honest, men call women emotional and irrational -the menfolk should take a long hard look in the mirror at their own strange ways 

Also you need to remember that you [and this comes from my own experience] may not realise that you yourself are acting 'out of sorts' due to all of this and so he not only has his own emotional self to deal with, but yours, too. You may not be your 'normal' self at the moment, either. Hormones have a lot to answer for!

Hope you both manage to sort it all out, bute  Sit him down and tell him all that you have shared here or if that's too awkward, write it all down and ask him to read it and to think about his reply before he offers it.

Xx


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Hi Serenfach. Thank you for all you thoughts. To answer your questions with honesty my and DH have been together almost 7 years and the lack of sex has always been an issue/topic/arguments. He can go weeks without it whereas i cant, lol. i'd have it everyday if i could, when  i do sit him down and try to have a heart to heart with about the relationship & sex he just fires up. I do understand it takes 2 to tango, and i have said this to me so that he does not think that i am throwing accusations. Its like if i do try ya know when we are in bed he is quite happy to take whats offered to him but when it comes to him pleasing me its like there is no interest there or half heartedly..... I have tried to talk about this with him on many occasions being careful how i ut it too him not to offend him but it always results in arguments and not speaking.

In regards to the attention... i perosnally think i give him alot of attention (maybe not enough) i dnt go out with the girls never have, dont go anywhere to be honest my whole life is dedicated to him, i love it that way.... so he shouldnt feel im not giving him the attention...  (I'll try harder to show him the attention)....

I may be acting out of sorts.... but this is why e needs to get involved alot more and understand alot more so that he knows fully the emotion and hurt i and every women go through, i dont mean to sound stubborn but i guess sometimes all i need is an arm around me and a cuddle..... I dont get that.

It was only yesterday that i asked him to come on this site with me and read some of the questions and replies, he said yes but he hasnt as yet, right now he is sat upstairs getting himself drunk.. another thing that i dont like. I dont drink myself and if he drank in moderation i wouldnt mind but he can be sat up there until 6/7 in the morning drinking.... he cant just have a few drinks but will drink right the way through, when he goes out with the boys he will saty out most of the time until 3/4 the following day drinking....

I asked him if he would start taking vitamins to give him healthy sperm prior to ivf, he disaagreed.

I feel as if im doing this all alone.
You have given me some good pointers and i appreciate them & i most certainly will be making him feel more loved, giving him more attention and letting him know how sexy i find him, i agree that maybe he does feel deprived of those feelings. 

xxxx


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## serenfach (Nov 6, 2008)

Yep, reading back over my post to you above, I thought it was sensible and I was trying to see all sides of it, but.. when you come back and state that you live your life around him attention-wise already, that you've tried talking to him on many occasions and that he drinks a lot, then the feminist/protectve woman in me comes out and I need to say that he shouldn't be drinking so much if he's serious about ttc and he really should be taking YOU and your feelings into consideration a lot more. Alcohol is a bad idea on this journey anyway, especially if it's lots of units a week. Plus, it sounds as though you really do give him your all and he really should be giving some of that back to you.

But.. again.. like I said above, we're [you and those reading here] are on the outside of his mind.. things may well be the way they are because he is under pressure and stressing and this is his way of ex[ressing it. I really don't know, bute. All I do know is that the world of ttc can be heartbreaking and you need someone to be there for you, both of you 

Good luck, babe Xx

ps - Hope I haven't spoken out of turn!


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## miriam7 (Aug 8, 2007)

leighsa sending you a big big hug...i think you really both need to sit down and chat   its hard enough of this journey without your partner not supporting you


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Thanks serenfach, no you ahvent been out of turn hun, i appreciate all your feedback, i guess i will have try and have another chat with him. Hi Miriam, how are you love, hows the lttle one? Hope she is well. Thanks for the hugs hun, i have tried explaining to him how heartbreaking this journey is for me especially when everybody around me at te moment is falling pregnant (another reason ive been down this week). Ive tried talking to him and explianing the emotions and everything that i feel, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Id love for him to be there me more and support me through all and me back to him.... I guess ill have to just keep trying.
Thanks for all you help, im off to work now. (after spending a night sleeping on the sofa). Ouch!! lol


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## serenfach (Nov 6, 2008)

I know it's not quite the same, but we're all here for you, Leighsa    

I'm relatively new here.. going through my 1st IVF at the moment, and the support I've had from the girls here has been fab   My DH is being great an all, but there are a lot of aspects re this journey that a man could never fully appreciate.

Hope you have a better day today .. sending you some big


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

lets me honest here most men can be pretty rubbish at emotional support, thats just the way it is, i think they find it hard to admit their true feelings

it seems that sex wise you just have different sex drives and it is gona take give and take from you both. you need to take the pressure off a little and he needs to give a little.

very often on this journey we can forgot how important our men are and our quest for a baby can overtake the love we have for each other.

yep he drinks but maybe that is where he is finding his pleasure when the going gets rough, i know if i go on and on at luke he just shuts off completely.

i hope you find the best way forward for you both but please try and enjoy each other before your IVF starts


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Thanks Kara, thats exactly what i need to do to solve this problem, after reading all your replies it has made me realise that love in very important and i need to show him that our baby will come in time and pay him the attention he so deserves.

Thank you all so much for your help & advice.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## QUEEN B (Leighsa) (Sep 12, 2008)

Just to let you all know that im feeling alot better today me n hubby has worked out our differences and he know understands he needs to be a part of this journey, and i have told him that i will chill out for a while and pay him the attentions he deserves.
Thank you all so much for being there for me and giving me your thoughts its really helped me see things clearly.

Lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## serenfach (Nov 6, 2008)




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## PixTrix (Aug 20, 2008)

Glad to hear that things are better Leighsa. Remember you are also important, you both are equally x


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