# I don't believe I can do it - do you think that matters?



## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Started getting the old AF pains last night and REALLY sore boobs . They've faded off again now but it only seems a matter of  hours now before she makes her unwelcome presence felt.

One thing I've realised lately is that however hopeful I get each month (and boy do I get ridiculously hopeful against all the odds and plenty of evidence to the contrary - I persist in thinking AF is just implantation for days) I never actually believe i can do it, that I can get pregnant.

Does anyone else feel like this? I know some of you are so brilliantly positive and do say that you know you can and will do it. But in all honesty, I know that deep down I don't believe it.

I bought I Pronatal hynotherapy CD this month in a bid to retrain my subconscious into believing that I have the power to do it. Not sure I believe in it or that it will work, but it's got to be worth a try.

How important do you think it is to believe?


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

hiya Juniper

I have to say that I am one of those people that when AF arrives I know about it, as I have such a bad time with them but I can sympathise where you are coming from.  With regard to the hypno tape, I had hypnotherapy early in the year and have a CD recording of one of the sessions that I try and play. Ideally you should try and use it daily but this can be hard, I havent listened to mine for about a month!  My therapist strongly believed that you can make your brain think you can get pregnant.  She focused on my tubes being open, ovaries producing good eggs and uterus being a good home for them etc and that the tablets were doing my body lots of good and working in harmony.  good luck xxx


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## kim77 (Dec 17, 2005)

Hi

I thought AF had arrived on CD 28 back in January, Spotting, sore boobs etc, then 2 days later the spotting stopped but still everything else stayed, sore boobs, AF like pains Etc.  I left it until CD 34 and tested to get a BFP.  I was to frightened to test earlier in case it was the usually nothing.  As you can see I am now 27w pregnant.  

It is so hard everymonth when the witch does arrive, but stay positive.

Good luck hun

Kim xxx


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thank you, I am feeling a bit more positive now.

It's such a difficult trade off - the more positive you feel, the farther you fall each time.

Still no AF but how many times before have I been here. I am really going to work on my belief or lack of it. It can only help and ccan't hurt at all.

I might do a poll to see if those who got BFPs believed or didn't believe deep down that they could do it.

Thanks
x


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Juniper,

I understand what you mean, i have been trying now since about 1996 and have resigned myself to the fact that its never going to happen, last cycle my af didnt turn up till day 36 so i had tried to keep an open mind, but as the days went on and i hadnt got my af, i started to maybe believe a little bit that i was pregnant, but when af did finally show up, i cant say i was surprised in the slightest!

Julia x


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

i think there was a similar poll in the voting room but a lot of stuff has been lost, might be worth doing another one there, the BFP girls often vote xx


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## chillidog (Apr 18, 2006)

Hi Juniper,

Sorry to hear you feel like that - it was similar to me too.  I had a lap & dye 2 years ago nearly which was bad news as I have one tube blocked and wrapped around my bowel and on the other side, the ovary has endo on it.  After the op, I began to seriously think of the fact that I would never conceive.  I went away and left it a whole year before going back to the consultant to see what else they could do.  They gave me clomid which they said might not help much.  I conceived fairly soon after though.  AF was due and I was having terrible cramps every morning.  I was getting really cross as she wouldnt put in an appearance and I was so busy at work and didn't need the pain.  I left it 5 days and then rang the clinic to ask them to check for a cyst.  I cant tell you how premenstrual and cross I was about the whole thing  .  She told me to do a test to rule out a pg which I said would just not be possible.  I bought the tests at the chemist and was really upset about wasting the money but low and behold (and I did almost fall over) there was a positive!!!  Now, looking back perhaps I should have been more positive but TTC is such a long hard journey for some its difficult to tell people how they should feel - we have to deal with so many emotions - excitement, dissapointment, anger etc.  I do admire those who are so positive and its lovely to see the support and encouragement that happens on this site - I was addicted to reading it before I was pg and learnt so much about Clomid although I was always too shy to post before (not sure why!!)    Its amazing to see so many women scattered throughout the country who are all supporting each other so much and the variety of questions and advice is just brilliant.

So, best of luck all  xxx hope you don't mind me posting this xx

chilli xxx


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thank you so much Chillidog - have blown you some bubbles for posting such an encouraging story.


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## KW33 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi Juniper

I have to say that your story rang bells for me.  I had been TTC for 3 years and like you very negative and just believed that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant.  Then back in March - on my second round of clomid - after reading loads about being positive and "visualising"  I thought I would give it a try.  Stayed posisitve all month - as best I could lol- and thought about my little egg meeting the   and settling down.  Lo and behold that month I got an unbelievable BFP!!!  Now sadly this ended in mc but I honestly, truly believe that the positive thinking made a huge difference.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Karin

x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thank you Karin, sorry to hear about your m/c.
I will try the visualisation thing next month. I tried it last November and was so positive I was absolutley SURE it had worked - had loads of pg symptoms including late AF - then AF arrived and I was devastated. The old body playing tricks on you scenario.

Good luck Karin


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## candykidd (Feb 13, 2006)

Hi Hon.

I hope the nasty   stays away!

good luck Emma xx


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thanks CandyKidd,

    
 
   
                  
          
                          
​
I'm on CD 29 and reckon I od 15 days ago.
Pleeeeeaaaaase let this be my month

xx


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## chillidog (Apr 18, 2006)

Juniper - I have my fingers crossed for you this month xxxx thanks for the bubbles x


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## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

Hi,

I have given up hope to be honest now, so i know where your coming from. I cant stand the big fall you get when AF does arrive, so now just think she will for sure!  I personally dont believe it makes any odds as if its gonna happen it will. But, i guess you never know. Ive tried being over   and now not believing and neither helped so far  

Anyway, best of luck. Jo x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

I feel the same way you do Jo - the fall is so much harder.
I still get ridiculously hopeful, or maybe what I mean is that the wanting to be pregnant just intensifies right at the end of the 2ww, but I never really believe it could happen.



xx


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## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

I know,

Its better to try and chill out as the more stressed you get the more it affects your chances!! Nightmare    x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Please stay away you nasty beast.


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Juniper,
Just wanted to wish you luck    and that the evil witch will stay away!  

Julia x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thanks very much Coxy, and to you too.

Think I'm having a clutching at straws moment, but you never know.
x


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

I know what you mean,  my af was about a week late and i kept telling myself not to get my hopes up, but as the days went on and no sign of af, i started to wonder what if........sadly af turned up about day 35 ish, really late for me, but i think it was the clomid, but keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Julia x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

I remember that Coxy, similar thing happened to me just after you. So annoying.

I'm already getting my hopes up and I've got ages to wait.

Here's some   for us both
x


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Whats the longest you've waited till you got your af  

I didnt realise Clomid would mess my cycle up so much, im day 14 today and feel very bloated and uncomfortable, the last time i felt this bloated was when i was waiting to have my eggs collected for ICSI!  Just hope thats a good sign that clomid has done the job this month. Hosp wouldnt scan me as the cons was away and couldnt have performed the IUI anyway.

By the way, i love your dog, we always had springers when were kids, and when I left my ex, I had to get mine rehomed, broke my heart and still does.

Im hoping for you that theres       

Are you going to test or just wait and see  I was very tempted to test last cycle, but got out of the car and walked towards the chemist and feel something, which was the spotting so im glad really i hadnt wasted the money, tell you what, thats the best thing to do, go out and buy a test, cos its a cert that as soon as you've brought one and tested, af will turn up.

BUT,hopefully not for you!!!!!

Love Julia x


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Last month was a 40 day cycle, but I wasn't on Clomid that month - I didn't take the pills cos my DH was away and I think that's why things were a bit messed up. I was a regular as clockwork 28 - 30 day girl before Clomid.

What about you, was 35 days your longest? Your bloating does sound like a good sign and that the Clomid is definitately having an effect. How annoying that your consultant was away. It's so hard being patient (just realised my bad pun, but it's sooooo true).

It feels like AF is going to arrive tomorrow    . I am so fed up of this business and I haven't even got on to the more difficult and involved treatments yet.

If I get through the weekend, I will probably test - if only, as you say, to bring AF on. It does kind of soften the blow a bit for me if I test and get a - before AF arrives.

I'm pretty sure I od on Wednesday two weeks ago, which I think means my LP is slightly longer than the standard 14 days.

I adore my springer, she is a very spoilt mut and has me and my DH wrapped around her muddy paw. That must have been so hard, having to rehome yours. Do you ever get to see him or her?

Please keep keeping your fingers crossed for me and have some more 



xx


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Juniper,

I wish i hadnt used my clomid this month, but id already started taking it before i found out i couldnt have IUI.  Would rather be scanned cos at least you know if you have definately ov'd or not.

Yes day 35 was the longest, i always use to be day 27/28 and then after ivf they changed to 26 and now this clomid is messing them up, first cycle on it was day 31 which id had IUI, HCG inj and pessaries, so i blamed the pessaries for making it late, but i couldnt understand this time, when id only had clomid that it was soo late, dh even admitted last week that he had thought we had cracked it and hes never said that before!!!

No, never see the dog again, he was in the local paper about a year ago, so ive got the picture from that and ive got lots of photos of him (Paddy) round the house, he loved my dad as well and after my dad died and i left my ex, i kinda felt i was letting my dad down by having to get him rehomed.

Anyway, have a good weekend and im hoping you are going to tell me some good news on Monday!!

Take care
Love Julia xxx


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