# 2nd time around and still just as frustrating



## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

Hi guys, we are waiting for match number 2 after being approved to adopt again in September. This part is so hard. The 1st three months was easy after all we have one lovely established little one who still makes me laugh every day but now after 6 months the frustrated feeling has truly returned. Waiting for news on a CARA on one but with an interest on another LO also from 2 different sources. I'm hoping for news every day!   Any words of wisdom appreciated x


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

No advice I'm afraid but it will happen! This is the hardest part waiting but you'll get there.


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Hi

We are about to get on the second time adoption train so perhaps we can keep eachother company!  Appreciate we are at very different stages...how old is your first little one?  What type of child did you get approved for this time round?


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## cokes (Nov 11, 2008)

Hi our first little one is nearly 5, and We heard about little girl in February  who was 9 months, there have been a few delays with her. Matching panel 12th April really hoping to have her with us before her first birthday the waiting is the worst.


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## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

Hi Everyone
Still waiting but chuffed to hear from you guys. We have been approved to adopt one child between ages 3 to 5. Our first one is 8 soon. Some SW's like a big age difference between the two so that has been a potential obstacle. I can totally understand why adopters with children age 5 or so go for under 1's as there is a good gap there. Keep in touch please with any news.  Barbados Girl good luck with round 2 we had a different agency so things were quite different and stressful for different reasons! There's never two situations the same!  x


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

I know a lot of people have had the experience of matches second time round being harder and first time adopters 'winning' out over them but just wanted to let you know when we adopted for the second time that was not our experience. Our birth son was 5, adopted daughter was 3 and we were led to believe a long wait was on store post approval. As it turns out we had our son home within 2.5 months of approval panel - being second time adopters was seen as an advantage as we were realistic about what adoption meant.

Good luck everyone


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Have been absent for awhile! Mainlyncos the site is all funny and I couldn't get on nor find anything and it popped in my head today! And I can access!!

We are about to try for number two too.... eeek xx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Good luck, guys.  We are with a different agency this time.  They are a LA which is in the same consortium which placed our son- we were with a VA then.  They are doing all the checks etc.  SW visits will hopefully begin next month and we also are attending one day of a prep course as a refresher.  We will be approved for a 0-2 year old.  Our son is 3 1/2 and will be nearly 4 by the time we are approved.  He says he wants a brother and a sister and we will (after much reflection) be permitted to hug and kiss the new baby.

The aim is panel in November and they think we will be matched by early next year.  Sadly, there are still a lot of dual heritage children who need adoption.

How is everyone else coming along?


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Yes - I think that's why our match was so fast. 3rd and 4th children are dual heritage. Absolutely beautiful children and for some strange and awful reason hard to place!


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Tictoc, it is a tricky one.  We are a dual heritage couple and no one bats an eyelid seeing our son out with us.  For some children I guess that it is important.  Insensitively handled transracial/mixed racial adoptions have historically caused real issues and pain for people.  However, I also know transracial adoptions which have worked brilliantly and certainly those people would say having their own mum and dad is the most important thing.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Yes I agree and I know as our kids grow up we need to be really careful with getting the balance right about their heritage and there place in our family. Saying that all 4 of our kids have different heritage. Because ours are black / white and not black / black they could easily be my children and actually our third child actually looks similar on many ways to first child who is birth. It's much more common for families nowadays to have kids from different families and a mix and background so I guess and hope it is a bit easier than it would have been 40 years ago.

I think I sometimes sound flippant about it but I it's just because I so passionately believe these chiildren are the right children for our family and at one point I wouldn't have considered them because we thought our kids needed to look more like us. Again not saying this isn't a valid reason for others.


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

I am sure they are 100% right for your family and you sound very passionate about them.  You are very right about blended families too.  We live in a very cosmopolitan area where there are lots of mixed families and I think transracial and mixed families work very well here.  I think it must be much harder in more homogenous areas.


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Hey! We are starting phase two next month..... cannot believe the stress commences again but a means to an end.  Will be nice to have some ladies to share my frustrations (surely not?! Right!!) with xx


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