# Failed for a second time double blow feeling v low



## Kikiw (Jul 15, 2013)

Hi I hardly ever post but, today I had my second bfn from ivf. Both times good blastocyst transfer responded well etc etc. I was prepared for failure or so I thought , I have bled on both times before otd and this was last go on the NHS although i have one frostie. This is so hard today especially since the  girl I share an office with text me to announce her news , yep she's pregnant. I am happy for her but I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through these next few months in work. I have not even been able to open curtains at home today. 

Anyway just needed to get some pain out on "paper" . Send my love to everyone with bad news life sometimes is so very very cruel xx


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## In sha Allah (Nov 15, 2013)

Kikiw I absolouly share your pain I am about to start my second round and are so scared 
You will find the strength to get through this 
Everything happens for a reason and I know we feel cheated when people around us are getting pregnant and you just don't feel like being around them ,my sis in law is pregnant and due the same time I would have been if my first round worked 
I dislike her for that I know that sounds wrong 
Here's a bug. Hug and time is a healer xxxx


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## Kikiw (Jul 15, 2013)

Thank you , i do find some solace knowing not alone. Good luck with your journey wishing us a happy ending x


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Sending you a hug honey  

I think every failed cycle is harder than the previous one - it feels like it builds up over time. 

After my second failed cycle I decided to go and seek counselling. It's really helped me, even just been able to rant and rage and not be judged really helps. 

Have you considered writing a diary - I find it helps to get out my feelings when I'm at my worst. Although I only ever write it when I feel sad, I probably ought to write down the good days too to help remind myself it isn't always bad.

Xxx


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## Kikiw (Jul 15, 2013)

Thank you for taking time to offer advice Cloudy , i am def thinking about the counselling I am such a strong character normally I know in time I will be better. I keep thinking of positives like loving understanding husband etc etc one day at a time.

Wishing you best for the future xx


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Sending you  a 

So sorry you're going through this - it 
really is a horrible experience  You're
right to focus on the positive aspects of
your life as it's easy to overlook the good 
things when the pain of longing for a 
child is so great. You'll get through this 
petal - just be kind to yourself and take 
comfort in those you love and feel comfortable
with. I too turned to my clinic's counsellor
after I failed tx and it really does help to just
get it all out. It's surprising how much you 
bottle up and it's really good to let that go.

Having failed four times I know from experience
that there are no magic words at this time but
just remember that we're all here to support 
each other and you aren't alone however much 
you may feel like you are right now.

Put 2014 to bed in a few weeks' time and keep
your chin up for a more positive 2015  That's 
my plan anyway  

X


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## TreeHugger (Dec 4, 2012)

Hi Kikiw would just like to say i know how you feel  

my manager announced she was pregnant today, 2 weeks after my failed icsi cycle and in the same week i would have been due had i not miscarried in May   . Life really knows how to kick hard when your feeling low. I'm not sure i can face going in to work for the rest of the week  

DH has been my rock and he keeps me sane. As hard as it seems try to cling on to all the positives in your life, it helps me get through each day xx


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## Kikiw (Jul 15, 2013)

Hi Hopefulshell & Treehugger 

Thank you for taking time to write it means such a lot.  

Iv come into the office today and although its hard I think if i can get through one day at a time then I can get through it if it makes sense. My manager knows and have been trying to reassure her this morning that will be okay - 

I spoke with husband and had a lovely long walk last night and actually had a goods night sleep.

Without coming across as condescending what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. 

Kikix


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