# Who'd know that the waiting would be so hard



## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

We are now at the post-approval stage and finding it difficult waiting for news of a link. We always see in the media about how many children are waiting for families and it makes people like us wonder why we aren't being snapped up! I think now the issue is the wait is indefinite i.e. you can't plan or tick off the weeks because you don't know when you'll get that exciting phonecall when you know something is happening. It's not been long but secretly I hoped we'd be matched in the first few weeks  
Oh well, just got to keep busy and keep going.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

It is the hardest period of the whole process there aren't really any words of wisdom. We got bubba room ready we did it in small stages. Stay strong your lo is just not quite ready for u yet but soon will be. Xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Huge hugs - its awful and no one can prepare you for this. Worth thinking ahead to profile yourself (just in case you go national at 3months). plan mini milestones as I always find when I have something special planned (a) times passes better and (b) fate can intervene to poop the plans (hopefully in the way h r wishing for).
Research items you will definitely need and put together a wish list which makes shopping easier (good if u get a fast match like ours)

We waited almost 10months and found our LO via an exchange day so I know how torturous this part is.
X x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

It must be so tough I'm dreading that bit x x


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## Guest (May 2, 2013)

Totally with you on this!! I thought that I would cope ok on this wait, but am finding it awful, I was very career minded before but am now in total mummy mode!!!

We have built the furniture in the nursery and buy a few little things now and again which helps, now we are going to book a week away which is much needed and think it will hopefully be last week away as a couple for many many years.

I can't give any advice on how to deal with this bit, apart from to let you know you're not on you're own!!


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

Big hugs honey. Xxxxx

I know exactly how you feel we waited for 4 months before we found our lo and it was the hardest and longest 4 months ever.

Hang in there you lo is waiting for you I truly believe that is what happened for us. 

Xxxxxxx


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

It is horrible in limbo land....
Guess we all wonder why it's taking so long as WE know we're perfect and can't see why it's taking others so long to realise!  
Not sure anything helps particularly, so hard to switch off and 'stop thinking about adoption'...
Keep going xx


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

We're in the same boat - we only waited 4 months first time around for DS, and this time it's been nearly 7 months already   

Peacelily xx


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## Doofuz (Mar 9, 2008)

I really feel for you. We're not there yet but as much as we're really looking forward to it, we are worried about the waiting. Hang in there


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## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

Thank you for all your comments ladies. They are inspiring and very comforting. I'm coming around to thinking that a holiday could be on the cards in a couple of months. If we book a holiday in a few weeks we are bound to get a link! We are pretty prepared but ages approved for are 3-7 years so can't really buy stuff for a room so just kept said room neutral and tidy for now. We also don't know if it will be a boy or girl. Is it definite then that you go national after 3 months? Anybody know if this applies in Wales too? Does it apply to VAs aswell? 

Thanks   xx


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## daisy0609 (Oct 29, 2012)

I know the feeling! We have only been approved for nearly two months and its the longest two months ever! Never knew it would be so hard!x


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

OMG. This bit is so hard. Some of my fiends who went through it before me said how hard it was, but I didnt understand until now!

I have been approved for 2 months, booked a holiday, and now got a link meeting just before we go! Ha ha typical.

*pnkrobin* I think with VAs they look at matches that are close by (easier for meetings), but I cant be certain. But after 3 months they should be looking everywhere. If not you need to ask them why.


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

I couldn't agree more. Finally after over four months we got our match yesterday but it was the longest time of my life. Time for the last four months has dragged - the first month was the worst because like you I hoped we'd find our match in the first few weeks. It started to feel like it might never happen, especially when after seeing our LO's profile at the beginning of April it took until yesterday - a month on, to be told it was a match and they were only looking at us. Every day has felt like a week.

I can't tell you how to cope other than keep busy. We've landscaped our front and back garden together whilst waiting, incredibly hard work and kept our minds focussed at weekends..... But weekdays in a job I hate.....they just draaaaaaaaaagged.

I've daydreamed a lot and picked stuff out and carried on 'getting ready' all the time to reassure myself that it would happen.

But what I would say as a plus is that the wait for our child has made the euphoria of being matched off the scale. And those close to us who we told yesterday are so happy for us; I've already got folks giving us stuff for LO...since yesterday!!

The wait has been awful but when you do get your match, your excitement and pure joy is going to be like nothing you have ever felt. Ive never felt this happy apart from when I married my wonderful DH.

People have said it to me over and over and now I will say it to you because I know soon you will be saying it to someone else - it is all worth it! 

Take heart, keep the faith, and keep busy planning and plotting.

Xxx


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## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

All the best with your link meeting Baby 0684. What a nice prospect before your holiday. I can certainly imagine the euphoria of a match after a waiting time LilyElf - hope our experience matches yours even if each day feels like a week.
 xx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

I know how you feel pnkrobin I am going crazy,    do I email my s/w and ask if there is any news or do I leave it?    I have started to do the bits around the house the the h&s said needed doing but they are nearly all done.  I don't want to start buying a cot and child's bed in case it's not needed. So I have started to clear out the rooms of books and store them in the loft.  Thing is if I get two boys I am going to put them in the same room  but a boy and girl different rooms so its not that easy.  Do you think I should email my s/w? We went to a coffee morning just over a week ago and saw a profile on two Los. We said we were interested and got their cprs. Our s/w was going to put us forward but not heard anything and it is driving my mad.  help do I leave it and wait ? Is it to soon? This is worse than the 2ww.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

This was very much the hardest time for me, I don't think it's at all odd.  I think if you really throw everything into the assessment process and the various bits and bobs that Social Services generally want you to do it can make you feel like you're actually doing something real to achieve your goal.  Even if there's a certain amount of resentment or irritation about the process I think this gives an illusion of control which is incredibly comforting following on from the helpless frustration of fertility treatment and/or failed pregnancies.  I found the waiting really threw me back to how I'd felt while trying so long for a biological family, waiting and waiting and waiting, and without any solid dates for tests/scans/treatment etc to mentally work towards where at least there would be a yes or a no.

I don't think it's bad to keep in regular contact with your SW, either by email or phone.  Even if they've nothing to tell you, at least it reassures you that you haven't been forgotten about.  In reality we were linked almost straight away, but it took our daughter's SW so long to come back to us we just assumed it wasn't happening and we found the waiting really hard.

I think with the current shortage of adopters it is very safe to say to yourself I will be a Mum.  It may take months, but it's very unlikely to take years as it did for some adopters in the past.  The huge number of children in the care system is a very sad thing to take comfort in, but that is just the way things are currently.  Most prospective adopters will be matched within a few months.  xx


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## pnkrobin (Dec 19, 2011)

I really need some news soon! I've promised myself a phone call to SW in 2 weeks because that would have left a 4 week interval since I last made contact. Isn't it weird how we have to set goals? C'mon LO come into the picture - we are waiting for you.  Congrats to everyone who has had links this week. x


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