# trying to accept life without children then friend offered to be surrogate!!



## Babytears (Jan 16, 2011)

hi,

i have been grieving for the last 3 months as our last ivf #3 failed. we had made the decision to stop having any more tx because of the debt incurred. my best friend has now offered to be a surrogate for us. i was of course incredibly grateful but said there was no way we could afford it and we still cant but she is insistant that we take a look at the costs bless her. what did i ever do to deserve her!! i called up herts and essex today and they gave me cost of £5300 for the tx plus drug costs. i am now thinking i could just put it on another credit card. she is insistant she doesnt want any money for her expenses as she is a stay at home mum of four and wants our costs to be minimal. i would pay for travel expenses, clothes, will, life insurance da da da da da that she hasnt even thought of so i know expenses will mount up. 

the sensible part of me that isnt desperate and devastated says we just cant afford it and there would be no point as i am such a poor responder. 

help what to do?!?! if we go ahead can anyone tell me the process? i mean i know how it all works medically but i guess im thinking about the legal bit and costs. 

thanks to anyone that can give me some friendly advice in advance.

xx


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hello, that's lovely of your friend, but expenses do add up even if she wants no expenses there are costs and things can change thru a pregnancy i.e need of childcare cos of illness or being in hospital, just an example of the sorts of things that can crop up, your friend may think now there would be no costs but there are and can be more.
As to how the process goes I can help you there if you pm me, legally there are no legally binding documents, the PO process requires certain things though that you should make sure you meet, other wise you won't be able to get a PO.
Any clinic you use will require you all to have blood tests and counselling etc 
I would advise finding out as much as you can initially, do pm me if you want to ask more


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Babytears

I just read your post and my heart really goes out to you. I just wanted to say that please don't let worry about legal costs put you off, if you otherwise decide that you want to do this with your friend. As nostalgicsam says, it's sensible to check at the outset that you meet all the criteria for a parental order (which is the court process you go through after the birth to become the legal parents) but, assuming you do, the process itself should be very straightforward. The vast majority of parents represent themselves in the proceedings and the only cost is then the (unavoidable) court fee of £200 which isn't payable until after your child is born.

If you want to check your eligibility for a parental order, there is guidance as well as access to all the forms you will need on our website at http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/surrogacy-law/22/ The lovely ladies here are also a mine of information (and I'm here to answer any legal questions too!).

Go slow and think it all through, but I just didn't want this side of things to put you off unnecessarily.

Best of luck

Natalie

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