# All over



## viereck (Dec 13, 2006)

It is finally over not just all the treatment but our relationship!!!!. DP has left me as he says he can not go on with some one who can not give him children. We have had 5 attempts at icsi the last one resulting in a pregnancy but i misscarried 8 weeks in to it. 
I don't know where to start i have to come to terms with never having children and the break up of our 10 year relationship. 
The fact we still have to work together is not helping at all. 
Can any one advise me on a good councillor as i feel if i don't speak to some one i will go mad.


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## kate28 (Jan 22, 2008)

sorry i dont live in your area so cannot help with the councillor, but it maybe worth trying relate you can use them on your own and i have found them really good in the past.
   
big hugs and hope you can start feeling better soon
kate


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## cleg (Jun 27, 2006)

vierek im so sorry this has happened   it certainly takes its tole  

as for a councillor does your GP do self referals ? may be worth a go hunny

xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello Viereck,

It is impossible to recommend a counsellor without being local, but the ideas re using Relate and your clinic are very sound.

Meanwhile if you want to share more of your story with us on this board, maybe we can offer some support? As a fellow traveller of IF and failed treatment I feel you are looking for some understanding in dealing with the grief of failed treatment and the trauma of feeling abandoned by the person you expected to support you with whatever life brings. Maybe there are people here who can help?

I wonder what has driven your DP to walk out after you have been through so much together? As someone who hopes to train to be a counsellor, I am aware of the dangers of assumptions. But again as a fellow traveller, I wonder whether the current crisis might not be the end for you as a couple, so long as there is still love between you and if only you can keep talking. On the other hand, if love and communication are all and forever gone, that is another matter. Either way, you are right to see if counselling could help. 

If you reallly need to let each other go, working together could be a huge problem and so maybe one of you should look to move on. However, if there is a chance the 2 of you could make a good life as a couple, then shared work in a setting where you can respect and value each other could be a way to build on a private relationship that does not involve parenthood.

I am just speculating. I hope you find the support that is right for you.

Jq x


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry your partner has left you to deal with this and I'm so sorry for your m/c - I know what it feels like to go through all the terror, excitement and ultimate disappointment after a BFP. I think going to Relate is a good idea. I don't know your whole history - but sometimes inability to get pg is due to combined factors in a couple - and it may be that when you meet someone else you have no problem. I know that is not much consolation ( and I could be on the wrong track). But maybe it is for the best - I guess at least he didn't string you along. I'm so sorry. It must be doubly hard to go through this on your own - come post here often. The ladies are very supportive.
Bernie xxx


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## viereck (Dec 13, 2006)

Thank you all for your kind words. I have contacted my GP who does referrals i have an appointment on Monday. At the moment i am going from very very sad and distressed to absolute raging anger, i feel let down my DP told me when we started all this, every thing was going to be OK, we would get through it, we will have children what ever it takes but now he has walked away with out a backward glance.
The fertility problem lies with me so he can just find someone else and get her pregnant but as we both work together the thought of him actually meeting some one else never mind getting her pregnant is just too much. I hope i can find peace with all this because at the moment  i feel like the world has come crashing down

Thank you again x


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## kate28 (Jan 22, 2008)

congratulations on taking the first step and contacting your GP good luck with your appointment Monday.
In the mean time keep checking in on here, 
stay strong

Kate


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

So sorry that you have had such enourmous battles to deal with and now this - it must feel like such a kick in the teeth    

Much love
Emcee x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello V,

Just wondering how you are doing?

Jq xxx


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## viereck (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Thank you for all your support.
I had my first session of councilling yesterday and at this moment i don't feel any better but she did say things will not change overnight.
I have to focus on the future not look at the past what is done is done i know this sounds easy but its a hell of a lot harder than you think. My XDP has been a bit ****ty over the weekend at work ( I need to find another job!!! just some thing else to contend with)
I am sure over the next few weeks i will be up and down and i thank you for support.


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Sure the counsellor is right - give it time. and meanwhile stay in touch!

LoL Jq xxx


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