# Concerns and thoughts of ES



## BooஐWantsBaby (May 21, 2008)

Everytime I go to my clinic i think of ES... I'm about to start FET and once again, my questions are back..
I wanted to do egg donation when i was 18 - i spoke to family and they said no, as I would be giving away my babies and some other religious factors
I feel so blessed to have my son, have collected so many eggs, and thankful that i could even do IVF successfully... I couldn't imagine not having my son, and having to come to terms with being childless  Being of afro-caribbean descent, their waiting list is even longer than that of many other origins, and i would love to help a couple... but have so many questions and worries, that i doubt i would even get pass counselling
These concerns may mean that i'm not suitable for ES but i've been dying to ask these questions on here for YEARS.. 
I always worried i'd upset or offend someone by asking - that is certainly *NOT* my intention!  
Do you think:
- about whether they get a bfp, successful pregnancy, wonder what the birth was like and their future?
- about the characteristics that those embryo's may have of yours? My son does so many funny things that i do (some, i didn't even realise i did! it makes me giggle that hes a little mini me  )
- do you think about whether their parents told them how they were conceived? Thought of what you would say if they did contact you at 18? Worry they would be seen as a freebie IVF cycle  ? 
- what if your cycle isn't successful, but their's is? How do you move on?
I think its because ES is so annoymous.. If i knew the couple, i don't have any of these fears...  
Maybe im not strong enough for ES... but these questions don't seem to go away! ...Just wondering if im the only strange woman with these questions  whenever i read ES blogs or posts, its all: _'just a bunch of cells'_ _'like donating blood'_ _'haven't thought twice about doing it'_ - is everyone like that?


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## sugarsweet (Dec 27, 2011)

hi Hun I'm in the middle of egg share and of coarse the thoughts you have are the thought i have to, but i also see egg share as no different from being a organ Donner, every month we have a period and the egg is wasted so to give another couple the chance of having these eggs is a great joy being a mother myself i could not imagine what one would ever feel to not hold there baby, so for me it makes sense to give a gift of life to a couple who long for a child, of coarse i will think of this child but not as my own but of the loving parents who have brought them in to the world and wish they have a wounderfull life, i don't think the child would grow up thinking any less of there mother or my self as i think they would be gratefull they got a chance to be born but people have there own views, I'm egg sharing as i want another child and ivf is not the cheapest of treatment, and if i could afford it i would still donate my eggs  if i can help another couple at the same time then its even more of a gift, I'm of Caribbean back ground as well and am pleased that I'm helping some one hopefully get there gift x


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## BooஐWantsBaby (May 21, 2008)

Sugarsweet - many thanks for your reply. Umm.. Im on the donor list, but never thought of it as an organ donor before. 

Best of luck with your ES cycle!!! X


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## katena (Nov 14, 2007)

Hiya hun,

Just wanted to share my thoughts with you having successfully egg shared...

It was both a hard and easy decision for us. If we didn't ES we couldn't have afforded TX. I also think that we hadn't of ES my recip may not have got pg too.

I do think about the child....their child... He/she will be 4/5 months older than my son as their fresh cycle worked whereas we had to have FET. I worry they may meet and have sex!! LOL! 

I think with characteristics... He/she may have some of my genetics but I bet they act just like their parents. It's the nature Vs nurture argument I guess! 

I don't know if the child will even know they are donor conceived... I don't think it matters either way as the child was wanted it's parents....they are his/her parents... Not me. Though I did put on my 'pen picture/msg' that I would be ok with them contacting when they are 18.

I didn't find out that they had a BFP until I was ready to know... I may never have been ready... But I found out after our BFP. I think I needed to do ES so I could tell myself that I had all I could TTC.. I could look back and close the book. 

ES is a massively 2 way thing for me... If they didn't want my eggs I wouldn't be sat here with my son... Albeit that he's crying ;-) it's a huge gift to give and maybe to receive as well.

I think it's healthy that your asking these questions... I doubt a counsellor would think worse of you for it... If I can help at all with anything else feel free to ask.

K
Xx


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