# Advice please? option a or b?



## Guest (May 11, 2013)

Looking for some advice 

As you can see from my signature we have had a painful unsuccessful time with DE IVF in the past. My lining wouldn't thicken and at the time it all really affected my self esteem and sense of "self" as a woman and as me.....

I am so grateful to have our baby boy through surrogacy in India.  He is healthy and happy and a dream come true....literally....

In the surrogacy pregnancy we lost a child in our other surrogate mother. It was via a subchorionic haematoma, so just bad luck really. The embryo had no genetic fault.

I've always wanted 2 or 3 children so when we lost the second baby it hit me so hard as I realised this surrogacy (only one we could afford) would not complete our family....

We are now faced with a choice and we are so lucky to have that choice. We have been promised some money in the next few months. We therefore are deciding whether to have more DE IVF or FET using 3 we have left over from 2011, to see if we can get my lining to thicken with a new drug, or instead perhaps save our money and try UK Traditional surrogacy in 2015. 

I have many conflicting thoughts on it all.....I don't know if....left with an option, I'm ready to never try to carry a pregnancy. Or whether I prefer the much much higher chances of success in tradional surrogacy. In many way for me surrogacy sits better as that is the process we are now used to and I can fully cope with the idea of another woman carrying my child.

In another way, I love the idea of experiencing pregnancy and IF the IVF and pregnancy was viable I would feel like a million dollars as my body had done something amazing.....

Perhaps though I need to disassociate what my body can "do" from how good I feel about my body, since that was a risky road....

I guess its all still raw and I see a pregnant tummy and feel a twang of envy. But the pregnancy only lasts 9months but the child is for life, so why am I so attracted to the short term experience rather than the higher chance of success?


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Didn't want to read & not post but not really able to help. Your situation sounds very complex & I can't imagine how hard that must be to deal with when you're so young still.

Not being able to get pg is something that I found made me devalue myself too. I think it's a natural reaction as its suppose to be what women do! Yet in reality hundreds of women have issues and when I meet someone else having IVF I don't look at them any differently. The only one I judge is myself.

I think you'll always hope that you'd be able to have the chance of pg so if you can afford it perhaps the advances in tx would be worth trying DE IVF. However be clear with clinic what the odds are as ultimately if you can only afford one try you want it to be the one that's most likely to affect your lives long term and bring you the ultimate reward.

Hard choices but I wish you luck. For now enjoy your new baby and take time to relish that gift you've been given


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## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

I think in all honesty you would kick yourself for not giving it one last shot to try and get pregnant yourself.  Just out of interest, are your frosties in a clinic abroad?  I have no idea about the cost of surrogacy but I've always had the impression it's a very expensive process, so if you can do an FET and get pregnant it's win win - you get to experience pregnancy and extra money to keep for your family  

I'm not sure where you live but I think it would be worth finding a local clinic to work with (I've kind of assumed your embies are at Serum) to do a mock cycle to see what your lining is doing now.  I'm guessing that perhaps the new drug you refer to is GCSF/Neupogen and as I'm sure you've found the studies are very limited, but having lining issues myself I'll be giving it a go when we're ready as it's not crazy expensive.  So although it will certainly require an 'investment' I think a mock cycle with the wash will answer whether it's worth pursuing non surrogate options or not.

As I say I think you would regret not investigating this path, tx clearly had a big impact on you in the past, but you obviously still have a desire to experience pregnancy, and you at least owe yourself the opportunity to find out if it's a possibility.

Tough decision other way, but good luck with your choice and hope you find what you're looking for xxx


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