# Over 45 and starting out on my own, anyone else in Manchester?



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Hello, FF, this is my first post and already feel welcomed thanks to two ladies in the chat room.  I am 48 and about to go on waiting list at MFS or CARE for a donor egg from egg share has anyone got any advice on either of the clinics?  Is there anyone else out there who is single and going through this, or gone through pregnancy at this age?  I have supportive friends but I think they think I am crazy!


----------



## Jules2013 (Feb 24, 2011)

Hi Grace2  

I'm not in Manchester but just wanted to reassure you about the age thing - I am nearly 48 and have been accepted by a clinic to act as a surrogate for some very good friends of mine - so we are doing FET very soon!  If it doesn't work straight away I may be 49 by the time the baby's born!   

So that's fine - age is just a number!  If the clinic have accepted you then they must think it'll be OK too!  

Wishing you lots of luck anyway!


----------



## lilysilver (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi Grace,

I don't really fit your brief, but am also in Manchester and just wanted to wish you luck  

On here because ttc 2nd at 44, though gearing up for donor egg.

Have you experienced either CARE or MFS yet?  What do you think?

Best wishes,

Lil
x


----------



## Helen3 (Dec 2, 2010)

Hi Grace2,
Just wanted to say hello because we are the same/similar age tho' I am not single. I don't know which clinic is better but I'm always reading good things about Care Notts (but don't know much about Manchester Care). I would suggest you find out if either of them have a consultant who specialises in immunology just incase you might need immune investigations & treatment (this is more likely to be the case the older you get). A lot of clinics do not have any specialists in immunes (but Dr George Ndukwe at Care Notts is one). It also remains a controversial area since many clinics either have no experience of and/or do not believe in immune tests & treatment (due in part to available research which varies in quality & therefore credibility, but also I think to ignorance sometimes).

I know I am banging on a bit about immunes, but I think I had assumed that DE IVF alone would be the answer for us but then discovered that actually I needed to sort out my immune issues first before trying DE IVF again...just bear this in mind but  hopefully it won't be the case for you (because it is a minefield once you start researching & then paying for tests & subsequent treatment).

Good luck with your clinic decision


----------



## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Grace,

My personal experience of Care and MFS is that Care are better as they are more forward thinking and think outside the box more than MFS. They are a progressive clinic (though a bit behind Care Notts for immunes) and I feel that MFS are lagging behind a little... just my opinion.

I have had a consultation at MFS, then had treatment at Care M/cr and couldnt fault them (though I did get BFN's   ). I saw Dr Patel who is the Dr there who is does immune testing (if that is something you would be interested in doing).

You will always get different opinions regarding clinics. I always find it is best to make your own mind up. Have you been to either clinic?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Cozy


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Dear JSEA,
thank you so much for your support and well done for being a surrogate for your freind, what an incredible thing you are doing.  It makes me realise how lucky we are on this website of women to be able to share things like this and know we are all doing the right thing.
Much love and thanks.
Grace


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Dear Cozy, so many thanks for your reply. My gut instinct is to go with CARE but MFS will treat me a little bit longer if I am not successful the first time. Neither clinic has talked about immune tests and I am a little under-reserached myself. If you can offer me any advice in that area I would be very grateful. Thank you and lots of love.
Grace


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Helen3 said:


> Hi Grace2,
> Just wanted to say hello because we are the same/similar age tho' I am not single. I don't know which clinic is better but I'm always reading good things about Care Notts (but don't know much about Manchester Care). I would suggest you find out if either of them have a consultant who specialises in immunology just incase you might need immune investigations & treatment (this is more likely to be the case the older you get). A lot of clinics do not have any specialists in immunes (but Dr George Ndukwe at Care Notts is one). It also remains a controversial area since many clinics either have no experience of and/or do not believe in immune tests & treatment (due in part to available research which varies in quality & therefore credibility, but also I think to ignorance sometimes).
> 
> I know I am banging on a bit about immunes, but I think I had assumed that DE IVF alone would be the answer for us but then discovered that actually I needed to sort out my immune issues first before trying DE IVF again...just bear this in mind but hopefully it won't be the case for you (because it is a minefield once you start researching & then paying for tests & subsequent treatment).
> ...


Dear Helen
Thank you so much for your advice and for replying to my post.
I am not up to speed about immunes but have an appointment with MFS on Wed and will certainly be asking them thanks to yours and Cozys advice. CARE have not mentioned it at all. I wonder if they wait till they have a match?
If you have any specific advice, ie: what tests I might need for immunes I would be very grateful.
Thank you once again and lots of love
Grace


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Cozy said:


> Grace,
> 
> My personal experience of Care and MFS is that Care are better as they are more forward thinking and think outside the box more than MFS. They are a progressive clinic (though a bit behind Care Notts for immunes) and I feel that MFS are lagging behind a little... just my opinion.
> 
> ...


Dear Cozy,
did you get your BFP by DE from Reprofit or did I misunderstand your details? I am on waiting list at CARE and will investigate Immune testing now, but wondering if I should go abroad where the success rate seems to be better.
lots of love
Grace


----------



## Jules2013 (Feb 24, 2011)

Grace2 said:


> Dear JSEA,
> thank you so much for your support and well done for being a surrogate for your freind, what an incredible thing you are doing. It makes me realise how lucky we are on this website of women to be able to share things like this and know we are all doing the right thing.
> Much love and thanks.
> Grace


Hi Grace
You are very welcome! 

Wishing you lots of luck with whatever you decide. 

xxxx


----------



## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Grace,

yes I did get my BFP after using DE abroad. It was my 2nd DE cycle and I had immune treatment with this one - which made all the difference.

I personally think alot of people are going abroad because it is cheaper, better success and its anonymous.

good luck

Cozy


----------



## MistyLake (Jul 7, 2008)

Hi Grace,
I am in Manchester, age 42, single, and just trying to conceive my second child. I had donor IUI at MFS. I would not recommend them as a clinic. I found that there was a big lack of continuity, and that the nursing staff seemed to be frosty and judgemental. They seem to be unresponsive to the needs of single and older women, and told me outright that I would not be able to have IVF (I conceived naturally not long after giving up on IUI) although since joining this site I see that clinics, such as Lister, specialize in women like me (old and with bad results) with some success. I have no experience of Care.
Misty Lake


----------



## Lil Elvis (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi Grace,

I had successful DE treatment at Care Northampton and gave birth at age 43. They definitely do immune testing at Manchester and Mr Patel has been trained by George from Notts who is one of the specialists in the field. If it is something you want to investigate then you would need to do so before being matched with a donor as it takes some time as the level 2 (Chicago) tests are sent to the US for analysis. I would have had these done had my FET not worked, but I was also pretty convinced I just needed a decent egg to have success. Care do also actively recruit altruistic donors (mine was one) so yours might not necessarily be from an egg-share. They split the eggs between 2 recipients, but these donors are usually ones with 'proven fertility'.

Going abroad might be fractionally cheaper but does have the drawback of you having to arrange a lot of stuff yourself which would probably be quite daunting if this is your first cycle. There is also the question of donor anonymity abroad which may be a factor in your decision making.

Care do have their own message board (with links off their website) and there are threads there for both over 40s and DE. The over 40s are a mix of OE and DE and those still going through treatment. Between us we have racked up 100s of cycles with Care and other clinics (including DE abroad too) and yesterday managed our 10,000th post. There are also a lot of ladies who have had the immune tests if you have any questions. They helped to keep me sane through treatment and beyond. It might be worth a look/post if you want more information.

Good luck with your journey.

Caroline


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

JSEA said:


> Hi Grace2
> 
> I'm not in Manchester but just wanted to reassure you about the age thing - I am nearly 48 and have been accepted by a clinic to act as a surrogate for some very good friends of mine - so we are doing FET very soon! If it doesn't work straight away I may be 49 by the time the baby's born!
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your good luck message. I too think age is just a number and anyone who asks me if my child (God Willing) is my grandchild can just walk the other way!  
Good luck to you too.
Grace


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

Lil Elvis said:


> Hi Grace,
> 
> I had successful DE treatment at Care Northampton and gave birth at age 43. They definitely do immune testing at Manchester and Mr Patel has been trained by George from Notts who is one of the specialists in the field. If it is something you want to investigate then you would need to do so before being matched with a donor as it takes some time as the level 2 (Chicago) tests are sent to the US for analysis. I would have had these done had my FET not worked, but I was also pretty convinced I just needed a decent egg to have success. Care do also actively recruit altruistic donors (mine was one) so yours might not necessarily be from an egg-share. They split the eggs between 2 recipients, but these donors are usually ones with 'proven fertility'.
> 
> ...


Dear Caroline,

Thank you so much for all your help and advice and especially for the CARE website boards I will def give that a go. I would like to try CARE first before going abroad as being alone is great in being able to make all my own decisions with no compromises but that ok when I am only 20 mns from home. Abroad is a whole different ball game and I have mixed feelings about annonymity - I keep changing my mind.
Do you mind if I ask if you are single? If so, were you treated any differently and also when you were pregnant how was it when you explainded that your egg was not your age  I have a great GP but I have read of late that some docotrs/midwives in the NHS are now experiencing more 'special cases ie: older mums with DE and think they are using up valuable NHS resources.
50 somehow has a very different ring to it than 40 something...... though I pass for 44 
thank you again.
All best Grace


----------



## Grace2 (Feb 23, 2011)

MistyLake said:


> Hi Grace,
> I am in Manchester, age 42, single, and just trying to conceive my second child. I had donor IUI at MFS. I would not recommend them as a clinic. I found that there was a big lack of continuity, and that the nursing staff seemed to be frosty and judgemental. They seem to be unresponsive to the needs of single and older women, and told me outright that I would not be able to have IVF (I conceived naturally not long after giving up on IUI) although since joining this site I see that clinics, such as Lister, specialize in women like me (old and with bad results) with some success. I have no experience of Care.
> Misty Lake


Dear Misty,
thank you so much for your post. Are you having treatment now at a different clinic?
I have had a consultation at both MFS and CARE now and fuond the doctor at MFS wonderful but the paper work and organisation a bit disorganised - and they got my age wrong and I thought I was on a waiting list for 6 months and wasnt! CARE did seem to be a bit more on the ball but would only treat me for the next 3 months. London Womens Clinic would treat me until 52 and MFS until 51 so there is some hope. 
It has crossed my mind to go abroad but as a sinlgeton I am a bit unsure about that.
How are you getting on at the moment?
All best wishes
Grace


----------



## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Grace,

many single people go abroad and I know that Reprofit have had quite a few single ladies who have had success there, one has just had twins. There is very little hassle organising things abroad, other than booking a flight and a hotel, especially if you have FET. Though I know this might not be for you if you are not sure about the anonimity.

I didnt tell any medical staff in the UK that I used donor eggs, they have no need to know and if you dont want to tell your child that they are from a donor egg or a double donor, then you are better off not having it on your records. I am 44 and I dont feel like I was treated differently at the hospital, and I didnt receive any negative comments because I am an older mother. Though I was in a supermarket recently and was asked if my son was my grandson    

Cozy


----------



## Lil Elvis (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi Grace,

I'm married, 44 today and with a husband of 52. I have been completely upfront with everyone about my treatment and the only problem I had was when the trainee sonographer was unsure as to how to fill in the details of both me and my donor's age on the blood test paperwork for the likelihood of Downs. No-one batted an eyelid at either our ages or the DE and my obstetrician even gave me several extra scans as he knew what we had gone through, including losing one twin at 9 weeks. There is a lady who posts on the Care board, though less frequently these days, who gave birth to DE twins just after her 50th birthday, so you are definitely not alone. We also have another lady who went through solo-IVF to have her lovely son. The age 50 limit for treatment in the UK is not a legal one and hopefully Care will nudge it out by the few months necessary for you to have treatment.

I really hope you have success.

Caroline


----------



## Jules2013 (Feb 24, 2011)

Hi Grace  

Just tried to reply to your PM but your inbox is full.

xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MistyLake (Jul 7, 2008)

Hi Grace,


Apologies for this late reply! I have always wondered how so many women on this site keep up with all the threads, until tonight, when I discovered the 'show new replies to your posts button!!!!
I am doing well thanks. I am just gearing up to go out to Brno at the beginning of September for donor egg treatment. How is everything coming along with you and your tests?


MistyL


----------



## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

grace - just wanted to say hello and do come and chat on the singles boards - lots of us there who went abroad for IVF myself included
best of luck
Suitcase
x


----------

