# brand new to here!



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi, 
I've been 'lurking' on the adoption boards for several months now, I noticed how the atmosphere on here seem so much more friendly and positive which fills me with hope (more hope than IVF did)

My husband and I are currently in our waiting period from our last loss to beginning the adoption process.  We are both feeling very excited and positive that this is certainly the route for us.  We know that our true desire is to have a family rather than become pregnant so we made the leap and are going to an information morning on wed.  From my research we should be 6 months from loss/last IVF which works out to be beg of Aug (ironically my due date!)
I have truly enjoyed reading the posts on here and all of you seem so knowlegable so I thought I'd ask some questions.  I am 33 and hubby will also turn 33 in Sep, I have worked with children in a day nursery for the last 15 years so hope my experience will be a positive for us!

Right, sorry for all the waffling (its a habit of mine) here are my questions:

1. What should we expect from the information event?
2. What questions should we be asking? (I love to write lists so am planning to take a question list with us)
3. What (if anything) will they ask us?

General questions that have been floating around my mind for ages:

1.  What should we get on with whilst we're waiting? (have already read what to expect when adopting and first steps in parenting a child who hurts, have begun making lists of things to do in house, made a start on family tree and support network and I have started a list of groups/parks etc local to us oh and we plan on sorting the garden and spare room!)
2. how do sw react when we say we would like a baby? How long could the wait be? (ideally we would like under 1yr old)
3. I'm first aid trained for work but should hubby do a 1st aid course too?

I hope I don't come across as an obsessed weirdo!  I just cant wait to begin the journey and know it will be long and stressfull but I'm so eager to learn and am so passionate about children I know this will be the right thing for us

Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you don't all think I'm


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello Trinajc and welcome to the adoption and fostering forums. =)

I think you already ticked the first two boxes for preparation: becoming excited about adoption and wanting to know more.

Information evenings are mostly for taking information in. You should have an opportunity afterwards to speak 1:1 with a social worker or team leader or experienced adopter. You may wish to ask questions during the info evening, too, but most people seem to wait until afterwards! Not me. I'm that kid who always has her hand up in class. ;-) But even I only asked a few specific questions. It was surprisingly emotional to be in a room with a bunch of other people also looking to adopt. It was the first time DH and I felt this was really happening (aka not just in our heads). 

You sound like you already know where to access information about adoption. So, really just be a sponge and take it all in. I've found it very helpful to reflect on how having a child would change things, as I go about my day (aka going to the movie theatre, driving to the grocery store, doing the laundry, etc). Learning from others with children is a good way to form a more accurate picture, but it is important to be flexible. 

Having a good support network is essential, so invest in people who will be there post-adoption. What will your friendships look like when you have children? How will people be involved in your child's life? If you see gaps, don't hesitate to fill them. It's never too late to make friends. =)

Mostly, though, just enjoy this time. It's a bit like being a teenager again -- transitioning to a new stage. Don't try to rush through it. It can be a wonderful time, as wonderful as pregnancy is for some people. Do things you've always wanted to do. Travel. Challenge yourself. Pamper yourself. Get in (emotional and physical) shape. Grieve when you need to. Enjoy your husband.

As you want a baby, you are less of a priority than other adoptive families. So it may take some time. It may go quickly. But be prepared for slow!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

The info evening is just learning what is involved in the process, we came away feeling even more certain that this is the way for us to go! 

A few people asked questions but to be honest your given so much information your brain can't handle asking more! haha! 

We have had our initial visit but are having to wait until November for a space on the first prep day and we have been told there isn't much we can do until then apart from get a couple of books and read them! Very frustrating but as handstitchedmum said enjoy this time - spend quality time together, going out for dinner, cinema, all those things as when you have your LO it all changes! 

Wanting a baby I think is natural especially having gone through fertility treatment, the likelihood of you getting one all depends on if you go with a LA or VA.  A VA (which we have chosen) don't have many young babies come through, mostly 18months upwards with a few younger ones.  LA however do have the small babies so if that is what you want I think that is the way you should go.

Hope you enjoy the info evening and you can get on the adoption path soon! 

x


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Thank you both for your welcoming replies.  We are really looking forward to tomorrow (although I'm a little nervous!)
I plan on doing more research into the possible agencies we could use and will certainly be getting the most from our time before things get too mad! 

Thank you again for taking the time to reply, wishing you both all the very best in your journeys of being a family xx


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Just wanted to let you know the info event was great! We have our initial home visit booked for next Thurs!! I'm so excited but also freaking out-my house needs serious tiding! What should we expect from this visit? They gave us a copy of the form they will be completing but will they look around? We were so surprised its happened so quick! Also can we still look into other agencies or are we now "tided" into this agency?


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

You're not tied till you formally apply to adopt with them which is a massive form that takes ages to fill in listing all the addresses you've ever lived at and things like that so don't worry. Browse away just be honest about  it a good agency in my opinion will be fine with this because they want the best for adopters and that means making the right agency choice for you.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

As Gwyneth said, no you are not tied in until you formally apply to adopt - at our initial visit we got asked if we had looked around at other which we hadn't and she said to (although were not as we are very happy with the agency we are going with)

As for the initial visit, they go through that form with you and have general discussions, I found it was basically doing a screening that if they thought we weren't ready yet or we were child abusers or something like that so as long as your not you'll be fine!! haha! They did take a look around but she said it was just to check for any major health and safety problems which we didn't have! We did a massive tidy up a few days before and then just hoovered on the day (we have a dog and didn't want dog hair everywhere!!) 

It was a really nice morning and she was there for 2 hours 

Is your visit from a VA or LA?
xx


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## Ruthie82 (Feb 5, 2011)

Lovely to read about people in similar situation, FF is such a supportive place to come to.


Hubby and I are looking to start adoption later this year or early next year. I wonder if any of you could advise re changing job. Are you required to settle in to job for a period of time?  If so do you know how long please?  (I know it can vary between agencies).

Ruth x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

The main thing is to check the adoption package they aren't often the same as maternity.  The NHS is but the local council is statutory adoption pay only plus you have to work at least 16 hours a week and have been in post for 26 weeks to get that.  Most agencies want you to be willing to take a minimum of 12 months off when matched. Also they go to your boss for a reference so worth considering how comfortable you are telling a boss early in.  Good luck x x


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## Duckeggblue (Apr 3, 2013)

Hi Trinajc

Good luck for tomorrow, let us know how it goes!


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Thank you duckeggblue for your message and hello to all the new additions to this thread  

Initial visit went very well today, she was pleased to say we can proceed now - and my work depending could start prep in Aug!!

We really liked the lady and all that she told us but are undecided which agency to use (have looked at 2)  they both have same time scales, same sized par etc and nothing really puts us off either one.  

We are so worried of making the wrong decision, how do we choose?  My husband is never indecisive but is at the mo!  Me I struggle to decide what to cook for dinner so its not a new thing for me!!  This is the biggest decision we have had to make and so want it to be right.

I'm going to call them tomorrow to confirm dates for Aug prep and let work rotas decide! (I think)  Also need to ask what the wait between end of prep and start of home study-maybe that will help.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Yay - glad it went well and they have progressed you to the next step!! 

We took our gut reaction - we only met with one VA and are going with them! Everything has been a little delayed because they're busy but they are keeping in touch every couple of weeks which is really reassuring but not pushy! 

It is a big decision but for me we just knew after speaking to them that was the way for us to go.  

xx


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Well we did it! Our decision is made 

I spoke to my manager and have booked off the August prep dates!  SW just has to confirm with her manager and also make sure there are spaces still   I'm now freaking out that a) her manager finds a problem with us or b) there are no spaces left

I am trying not to pin all my hopes on the Aug prep but she did seem hopeful I'm just terrified there's no space and we'll have to wait to Oct (hubby will b away for one of the sept dates   )

Any way what ever the outcome of dates we have confirmed our commitment to this agency so we will start at some time! 

How's everyone else doing? Any news on waiting time duckeggblue?


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## Duckeggblue (Apr 3, 2013)

That's fab news, you are one step closer x

No news as yet on if we have to wait, we are still waiting on SW managers decision. We are heading out to Spain tomorrow for 8 days now so hoping for some progress for when we get back!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Yay - glad you made a decision  

We have to wait until November which sucks as at the info meeting in May they said we would probably get on one in July if we registered interest straight away which we did! 

Have a fab holiday duckeggblue!

xx


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Trinijac

Just wanted to say welcome and all the very best for your journey to becoming a family. I'm sure you'll find this board very helpful, everyone is fab!

X


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## Kboo36 (Jun 28, 2010)

We have just found out we can go to prep in August too so we should hopefully run along the same timescale as you.. Exciting  
Xx


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm so excited!  

Had a phone call just after 8 this morning from the SW who did our initial visit, just wanted to let me know all has been confirmed we start prep in Aug and I have just checked my emails and its all there in black and white  

Hi Kboo36, looking forward to sharing experiences with you! Who are you adopting through? (pm if you would rather x)

Thanks LilyElf, I have learnt so much already from these boards, and it seems so much happier and more positive than IVF ones

kimmieb, thats a bugger having been told one thing then another hopefully you can busy yourself while you wait (I'm sure Nov will be here before we know it!)

Duckeggblue hoping you have a great holiday 

Hope you're all enjoying the sunshine!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Yay!!!   glad you got the Aug prep!! 

We are filling the next few months with things we won't be able to do regularly when we finally get our LO!! So, going out for dinners, the cinema, weekends away in posh hotels etc.  we figured we are just being given a little extra time for us until our life gets turned upside down - in a fantastic way of course!!! 

The sunshine is lovely isn't it! Although I have Friday off and its supposed to cool down a little by then  Typical! As long as it doesn't rain I don't mind.....


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Glad you are doing lots of fun things before you start, I think we will try and squeeze exciting things in before our life changes - and yes I agree in the most fantastic way possible!! We cant wait to have our house over run with toys, washing and finger marks lol

I'll be hoping for good weather Friday too as a colleague at work is getting married


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## Ruthie82 (Feb 5, 2011)

Trinajc - That is good news!  Glad all went well and you are able to start prep in August

Kimmieb - We too will be waiting until November, and are feeling our time with fun things too, that we can do as a couple. 

Love to everyone else

Ruth x x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Trinajc, congrats on your August prep group I bet you can't wait. Have a great time and it will fly by.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Hi Ruthie82 - your the first one I know that has got a November prep course! We will be on the same time frame - how exciting!!!!


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## Ruthie82 (Feb 5, 2011)

Kimmieb - Yes you are the first one I have heard about that is on Nov course too!! Good to hear, I thought I was too early ha ha.

Love to all

Ruth x


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