# New and feeling alone!



## leanner27 (Jan 18, 2013)

Hi everyone.

First time poster!! A bit nervous and unsure of the lingo! 

I'm a single gay woman who has decided that I can no longer wait around for the perfect circumstances to try for the child I've always wanted.  I'm 38 and feel like my time has almost run out.  I recently went to a private clinic in the North East of England and have had two failed rounds of IUI with anonymous donor sperm.  I have had the IUI's completely unassisted and only from reading a little on these forums have I even begun to realise what can be done to assist the IUI process.  The clinic I go to never actually talked to me about it!  I feel a bit ill informed on this which I realise is largely my own fault as the information is out there.  I guess I assumed as I was paying top dollar the clinic would have given me more advice.  Anyway, I have one final attempt at an IUI before I have to decide if I have enough funds to try again or have a go at private IVF.  I find it hard to read how low the chances of success are for IUI and I wish I had all possible assistance on my side.  Hey ho!

Anyway, I am 14 dpo after the second IUI attempt and I tested today and got a BFN (I'm beginning to pick up the shorthand but only some of it!).  I feel really alone today as I had to go to work after the BFN without talking to anyone about it.  I then came home to an empty house and am feeling very premenstrual and upset that it has failed again.  However, as AF hasn't arrived I am largely in limbo.  I can't have a glass of wine to take the edge of how I feel (just in case) but I'm pretty sure AF is just around the corner.  I don't think 14 dpo is too early to test so I'm pretty resigned to the fact that a BFN today means BFN.  Does it ever get any easier to read that negative test?

Anyway, I'd love to hear from anyone who has had failed and successful IUI's (please there must be some happy stories?), anyone using anonymous donor sperm and any gay women TTC or who have managed it via any means.  I also have another avenue that has recently opened up to me.  I have met a lovely gay man who would like to be a father and whom I am contemplating using via home insemination (rather than IUI) as my next attempt.  We have talked a lot about his input and contact with the child and I intend to prepare a "donor agreement" covering everything I can think of (I do realise this is not legally binding but will be more of a guide for us both to set out our intentions). So I would love to hear from anyone who's been in this situation and also who has successfully used home insemination!!

I'm a good listener and would love to hear others stories and make some friends with women who share the trials and tribulations I am going through!!

Thanks for reading and good luck to you all.  

Leanne
Xxx


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

You're definitely not alone here! If you haven't already, check out the iui and single women areas of the boards, they move pretty fast & there's lots of friendly people around. I had 2 iuis but didn't like the success rates so I'm moving on to egg share ivf. I won't do known donor home insem but that's mostly because I don't know any men I know well enough that I'd want to do it with. 

There's a lot of reading to be done, you'll pick up of info and ideas on here, I hope it helps you make your decision.


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## leanner27 (Jan 18, 2013)

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Yes, after I posted I found some useful forum headings. Going to have a proper run through them all tomorrow. It's nice to believe there are others like me out there. Feel a little bit like a freak sometimes when my straight friends start asking about the whys and wherefors. 

Good luck to you wih your ivf. Where are you going for the treatment? Kinda wish I'd gone straight to IVF rather than use money on IUI. I suppose I'm only saying that because 2 out of 3 have failed. The benefits of hindsight. Anyway, thanks again for your kind response!!


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

You're welcome.  The LGBT section of here moves a bit slower than other areas, I think as there are not as many lesbians around and also because most people post in the areas relevant to their treatment more.

I spent more than I expected on my IUIs, I knew I'd have to factor in flight and hotel costs but didn't factor in just how much last minute flights in the summer were compared to in the winter, a bit naive really!  I'm now egg sharing to keep the cost of IVF down, which is where I do IVF but donate half the eggs collected to another woman, who pays more for treatment and thereby subsidises my treatment.  It's a much more drawn out process, but hopefully my success rates are better.  Unfortunately, you usually have to be under 35 to donate.

Straight friends don't always get it, even when they mean well, they have all sorts of silly ideas, like 'just go and have a one night stand' or 'I'll get my husband to squirt into a pot if you want?'!


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## johno21 (Jul 24, 2011)

Hi,

Myself and DP went for D,IUI through a clinic and had first time success , so although the odds dont look great, it happens more than you think.... We took the clinics advice and had medicated treatment using Gonal F injections, even though there were no fertility issues with DP at all, We just went with what they advised and we were one of the lucky 1st timers, we now have a beautiful little boy . We tried not to pay too much attention to the odds at the time we were going through it but i do know its easier said than done. We have two additional vials of donor sperm stored and hope to go again in a couple of years, who knows if we will be as lucky second time around   
Wish you luck with whatever you decide and good luck with your next treatment


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi Leanne 

Big hugs. When starting out it is always a huge learning curve so don't beat yourself out yes the information is out there but you don't know what information to look out for so it is difficult. This forum has been great and the single women thread is a mine of information. I haven't posted on others threads and so can't comment on what they are like. A lot of us have had treatment overseas which may seem daunting but everyone is so knowledgeable after the first one it is fine. Often the clinics are a lot more personable and helpful than in the UK. One very popular clinic for single women is Serum in Athens and Penny has helped a lot of people. You can always email her or arrange a phone call to discuss your case and her english is good if that is an option you would consider. I had treatment overseas and in my situation the treatment, flights, accommodation etc came to less than here at the time. To my knowledge all of us the single women threat have used donor sperm be that anonymous or id release (you can purchase id release donor sperm from sperm banks) Xytex and European Sperm bank are two of them. I am not aware of any single women apart from I think JJ1 trying with a friend. 


I think I had three iui's before moving to IVF but lots of the single women have got BFP's with iui.

In my situation I just haven't met the right guy but now have a gorgeous son through IVF and the ID release route but there are also women who are gay if that is important to you on the single women thread who now also have bouncing bundles of joy too. I hope twins don't scare you! 

Your straight friends must be really a bit dim (apologies for calling them that) if they are asking are the whys and wherefores. Did you see Penelope Cruz's sister recently did an article where she said she hadn't met the right guy and had had artificial insemination with an anonymous donor.

Two married friends both said to me they wish they had done it my way. One admitted marry her husband because he was the kindest man she had been out with not because she loved him and she wanted kids. She now has three kids but wants a divorce the other married hers because she got pregnant and she too wants a divorce. I truly think more and more single women are going to go the iui and ivf route and it isn't being a freak at all. More and more straight women will go that way when they have the courage and realise it isn't actually that unusual any more and I bet some of your single straight friends may even wish they had the courage to do it even if they haven't said it.

Come and join us some of the single women have two or Indekiwi now has three children through iui/IVF.

Welcome to FF and good luck. No need to be alone there is always someone around to answer any questions that you might have.

Congratulations on choosing this path.

xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Leaner27 welcome, on the single girls thread there are some women in your situation contemplating AI with known donors or co-parenting, and single single lesbians now mums  so pop over n say hello and good luck on your ttc journey


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Hello & welcome. As you can see I had 3 unsuccessful IUI's but my first IVF hit the jackpot! We did clinic/anon donor (until S is 1. The very best of luck to you! xx


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## leanner27 (Jan 18, 2013)

Thank you all for your lovely responses.  I hadn't realised there were so many out there in similar situations to myself and it is heartwarming to hear the success stories and realise that I am far from alone!! 

I'm going to go into the individual areas on here that some of you have highlighted.  I already feel more positive!!!  

Thanks again for welcoming me!!
Leanne
X


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Leanne you go girl. xx


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## buyhercandy (Nov 5, 2012)

Good luck Leanne!  Go for it


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