# Newbie here...should i give up???



## let.it.be.me (Jan 5, 2015)

Hi all

I have finally plucked up the courage to share my story if its ok I need to, im about to explode with heartache and tears. Hope im in the right place.

Here goes...

Im 31 year old female married to a very amazing man but....i cant talk to him about how i feel regarding my infertility
Im half a woman! i cant move on or forward, i feel like im torturing myself and i cant stop it.


So far its been nearly 11 years i have been ttc in total. I had an ectopic pregnancy friday march 5th 2004. That is the only time i have been pregnant. Not long after that my partner at the time cheated and the girl fell pregnant, i left him.

It happened again with my next partner...

Then i met my husband 5 years ago )) married august 2014

There is not a day that goes by that i dont think about becoming a mommy... i dont really talk about how i feel, i know i need to let it all out... Will it ever happen? should i give up?am i meant to do something else? how do i move on and accept my prognosis? just need guidence, people who can relate. so many questions and no answers 

Theres so much more ... i know there are people a lot worse off than myself but i cant quit the negative feelings 

I apologise in advance xx


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## hle (Dec 21, 2014)

Hello and welcome, you are in the right place. Why can't you talk to your husband? Perhaps he could help. Can you access counselling? Is there no hope of children with your husband? Xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

calm down. negative feelings can eat away at you and stop you taking the right action. 
it took me years and years to get help, because i was so scared. in the end, i wished i had asked sooner.
you need some medical advice and not just to sit and panic. the sooner you get it the sooner you can make a plan.

i am guessing you are scared to talk to your husband because it brings up feelings about your previous relationships, and also, because it is like asking a question you don't have an answer to. So try and find things you can talk about. For example, it is possible to get a medical done to try and find out more information. You could maybe ask him for support while you go for tests etc. Men are often not very good at saying the right thing but if given the opportunity to do something practical to help you maybe will come good. It's sometimes easier to go to them with specifics rather than just pouring out your worries. Sometimes pouring them out makes man panic that he's supposed to do something but he doesn't know what. have you tried your GP? Or look for a local clinic that does ultrasounds and get a well woman type checkup. Or look at nearby private healthcare options. Make a list of stuff you can do - forget all the worry for a while and just focus on some practical aspects. Once you start taking steps in the right direction it will all become easier. You need more information. 
i remember being very scared and it took me a long long time to get to where i am now. the first step is the important one. good luck.


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

NEVER GIVE UP, everybody here has a story too, you'll find many kindred spirits for support   I lived with tubal infertility for over 20 years and dated and married many jerks in that time too - I got there in the end tho and hopfully you will too x


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## let.it.be.me (Jan 5, 2015)

Hi guys

Thank you for your replies they are very much appreciated ))

A little more info...

I have been in and out of gps and hospital, fertility clinics for at least the last 6 years. We have had ivf, hsg's and 4 surgeries and all the drugs under the sun.

Apparently my left tube is blocked and damaged ectopic side (hydrosalpinx) right is dilated but apparently patent.

After each procedure i have been told different things so wether or not they are as above only god knows 

I am due to have my last surgery in april 2015.

I literally had to fight to get these procedures, each time my gp would say ivf is the only way because your tubes are so damaged etc and that i should have tubes removed for a more successful outcome with ivf.

I am just a little confused and disheartened, at all the different diagnosis i have had and not even a pregnancy scare 

My husband has been through all this with me and is my angel but he tends to be very sensitive and he has a lot on his plate at work so i dont want to add to his load.

we have had counselling prior to ivf, during and after each procedure. Ivf can send you a little lol


I think i need to just speak to people that understand and i can gain hope maybe or at least insight into how people deal with infertility. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hiya, yes you urgently need to deal with your tubes, as soon as I saw you'd written hydrosalpinx a definate removal is required as you are leaking toxic fluid in which an embryo cannot survive, it's so low the chance to get pg with a hydro and the great news is a whopping 65% pregnancy chance once tubes are removed (not with clipping or essure device tho) so I strongly advise removal before another IVF, I did it and got pg first go after as have several others, have a browse of the tubal board to get an idea of your options x


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## let.it.be.me (Jan 5, 2015)

this is the problem...

I was told i had 1 tube remaining after 1st hsg following ectopic so for few years thats what i believed. Then 2 years later whilst having a diagnostic laprascopy it was found that i actually had both tubes!! but both were blocked. Another hsg later both tubes have hydrosalpinx only way forward is ivf. We did ivf without tubal removal because my hsg at the clinic both tubes were clear. Another hsg and surgery later my right tube is patent but dilated and the left has hydro and dilated. The lovely lady that operated woke me up after surgery saying that it was successful and both tubes are not damaged and patent? lol This last operation is being done by a different surgeon, we have had a few appointments with him and not once has he said to have my tubes removed, hes more than happy to go ahead and operate. so in April i go in for laperascopic bilateral salpingotomy which is a procedure to unblock the fallopian tubes, im sure if my tubes werent reasonably good they would not risk us trying for a natural conception following this procedure.

In a nutshell i know we have not been able to conceive but im not really sure what to believe is the problem. I am reluctant to have my tubes removed because once they are gone i know our only route is ivf.

Plus the oh has had 3 sperm tests and each time the results are poorer in quality. We asked about drugs for him to improve this but was told there is nothing to improve his sperm.... surely there is...


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hi ya, 

My hubby's sperm is on the low side and all you can do to improve it is change diet, do exercise, cut out smoking and caffeine and take vitamins like wellman. 

There are no drugs that men can take to improve their sperm. 

I really recommend wellman tho, my hubby had abnormal forms and low count on his first test and took wellman for 3 months before the 2nd test and the results were no abnormal forms and the consultant has said that the low result isn't even low enough to worry about.


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## let.it.be.me (Jan 5, 2015)

wow thanks for that we will be trying that 

he is currently taking iron and Fertilaid.

where can i buy it?

xx


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## kane and Able (Oct 9, 2014)

I can relate to you, I have been ttc for 10 years I am 46. 

Unexplained infertility. I had psychotherapy for infertility, I had worked as a police officer dealing with abused children and paedophiles for 15 years and believe that I had built up an psychological block about having children as I deep down believed that men could not be trusted!!! Therapy was certainly needed. 

Hubby had low sperm but went from low to super hero sperm with sessions of acupuncture and a few changes to his diet. 

Had 2 x IVF which didn't work for us, heart breaking. I thought it would never happen but we saved up and had donor egg ivf in barcelona at EUGIN clinic and I am now 10 weeks pregnant with my first ever pregnancy!! 

Truly a miracle but never give up on you dreams ...ever. 
Good luck on your journey age is on your side. I recommend two books, the road less travelled & the magic of believing. 

Sam
Xx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

One thing you need to bear in mind is your dreaded hydrosalpinx, that is your true enemy, hydrosalpinx can lay dormant and then flare up again so it never leaves your body until the tube with the fluid is removed. 

How any professional can recommend you try IVF with a hydro is truly astounding and wasting your money on treatment that can rarely work (I wasted 12k on treatment by not dealing with my hydros first due to bad adviice) they should all know a hydro is toxic to an embryo whether trying naturally or with IVF. I truly hope your surgery is a success however if you are still struggling you'll find plenty of advice on our tubal boards x


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hiya we buy wellman from boots but I know a few people on here who get it from Amazon. X


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