# Christian Ladies - all denominations Part 3



## Bambam

New home ladies    Happy chatting   


Amanda xx


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,


Blessings to you & your families in 2011!


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Hippogriff

Good luck and God Bless to all of you for 2011!

Wanted to share this, which I'd read many years ago and then found again after my miscarriage this year. It rang very true - perhaps it will bring comfort to someone else out there. I do not know the author.
*My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.*​*Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.*​*[*​
Benjamin Malachi Franklin (1882-1965)


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## Julie Wilts

New year, new home for us.

 for joy for us all in 2011; for those who were blessed with a little one this year and those still trying.

Love & hugs
Julie
XXX


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## hbrodie

just 2 say hi, have not forgotten u all. u r all in my   
I am on hols in sunny and hot tenerife at the mo


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## pumpkin-pie

Hello, hope everyone is well.
Hbrodie - hope you are having a fantastic holiday, lucky you in the sunshine we had more snow last night!  

Well I am doing well, cant believe I am 21 weeks already.  THink it is finally sinking in that after around 8 years of trying for a baby we are actually going to have one.  We found out it is a little girl.  Just started feeling her moving around in the evenings now its amazing.  I thank God every day for this precious gift.  Loving starting to look at baby things although I know I shouldnt buy too much its very hard!  Most of our friends have had boys recently rather than girls so probably wont be able to borrow much, thats my excuse!!

Hope everyone is well and    for a good 2011 for everyone.


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## hbrodie

pumpkin - wonderful news u r having a pink one, I have 2 and they r fabulous! though I am sure the blue ones r fab too    I have thankd God every night at bed time sine getting our bfp with emily in 2007 for our blessings...I thank him for gibing them to us and keeping them safe and well and healthy, and for letting them be happy little girlies. I ask that he continues to do so and to keep them safe from harm and that he doesn't take either of them from us. I thank him for blessing our lives with such wonderful gifts and I tell him I never, ever forget how lucky we r. it is an amazing thing, and it is wonderful u r finally there after so long.


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## Sasha B

It's a   ! Lovely news Pumpkin. Enjoy those little movements. I still miss Dan kicking about inside me and he is now 6 months old.


Love to everyone.


Sasha xxx


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## Julie Wilts

Evening ladies 

Pumpkin - Fab news ... like Hbrodie said, girls are soooo lovely, but I love my scrummy little man oodles too.  They are very similar in some ways, but polar opposites in others.  Never a day goes by that I don't thank God for my two blessings.  Like Sasha said, I also miss having my little man (and little girl) kicking and wriggling inside.  Such a strange sensation to start with, but so beautifully reassuring.

Hippogriff - Meant to say thanks for the words you shared with us ... lovely. 

Hbrodie, Sasha & all our other lovely ladies (who've gone very quiet   )   .

Love & hugs
Julie
XXX


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## pumpkin-pie

Just popping in to say hi and hoping everyone is well xx


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## hbrodie

all well here ta hun. u ok?


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## pumpkin-pie

Yes I am good thanks, enjoying getting things prepared and looking forward to going on maternity leave although still got quite a while to go, but have started the countdown already!!


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## Piriam

Pumpkin Patch - That's great news, really pleased for you.

Hi Ladies, hope  you are all well.


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## Sasha B

Piram, how are you hun?


I am still praying for you. I hope things begin to improve with yout Dh's health.


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Faye123

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I have no idea what I'm doing! This isn't the easiest of sites to get around...  We've been TTC for about 2 years now and found out last year I have PCOS. 6 months of clomid did absolutely nothing. Went back to the specialist last week and he says the best option is IVF which we have to pay for (Warrington PCT won't pay - arggg!). Anyway I just wanted to know if anyone has some good links to information about IVF and Christian ethics? I'm struggling to find a balanced perspective anywhere.. Cheers x


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## Hippogriff

Hi Faye

I would strongly suggest that you read a number of the Christian orientated threads on this forum, many of which have a lot of helpful things to think about.  Also the post on this forum entitled "What I think God meant when he gave me infertility".  As a Roman Catholic I struggled for a long time with a lot of the more misinformed pronouncements on the subject coming out of Rome, mostly written by elderly men with no real understanding of what they were writing about, and was comforted by my own priests in my parish, wise and loving men who had a far better understanding than those who supposedly were forming the rules.

Also, one of them used the tern "epikeia" which when you read the dictionary definitions, has a lot of food for thought in it.  His definition of it is this "If the requirements of love, and the requirements of the law collide, love wins."  He told me that you pray, you read, you think, and then you make the loving choice according to your own conscience.  It's all that any of us can ever do.  And trust in the love and mercy of God.

God bless you, and I hope this journey has a joyful ending for you, however many hills you have to climb on the way.


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## angel star

Hi Faye,

I think this isn't the easiest of sites to get around because it's so busy . I tend to stick to a few threads. Most of my posts are on the clomid thread at the moment but I have been following this thread too.

I agree a lot with what Hippogriff says. I had ICSI 4 years ago resulting in our DS. I am a Roman Catholic too and I found it such a struggle, questioned my faith and my loyalty to it. However, after much soul searching and discussing it with two priests (one whom is a good friend and DS Godfather) and the other my parish priest they both said that I had to do what I felt was right for me and us as a couple. I even asked if it would still be alright to go to mass and receive holy communion and the priest said he would be upset if I did not. I used and still use the argument that God made these wonderful doctors be able to help desperate couples to have a family and every child is a gift form God. There will always be those who condemn it but then who can judge another person - only God knows what is in your heart.

I suppose the other dilemma is what to do with any embryos that are created. I only had one that was good enough to freeze after the two that were put back and was told that there was very little chance of conceiving with one FET so we discarded it. It sounds awful and it was not a nice decision to make but I refused any research. I still have the what ifs but you are guided by the people who are in these clinics. 

I then was lucky to conceive naturally twice only to miscarry at 7 weeks. I was sure I did not want any further IVF or ICSI but wanted to find out why I was having these miscarriages. I am doing something called Naprotechnology (Natural Procreative Technology) which uses the Creighton model of fertility charting to identify and treat fertility issues. It may be that this is not an option for you if you have already had clomid (were you scanned on this?) but you may want to do a bit of research on this. It is cheaper than IVF but still expensive and they have just had to put their fees up this year. PM me if you want further information. I have been on clomid, am on cyclogest and hCG to support any pregnancy and some steroid in case there is an immune issue and baby aspirin. I also was advised to take DHEA to help improve egg quality. There's no guarantee of success with this but I do feel that every aspect of your fertility is investigated and they do not give you false hope.

It is such a difficult road to travel and you are not alone in your feelings. I would doubt you can find that much balanced literature out there and sometimes it can be quite upsetting to read but you know what is in your heart and how far you can go. Everyone had their own limits and I'm sure you will find yours and whatever, be comfortable with your decision.


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## Faye123

Thanks Hippogriff & Angel Star,

It is nice to hear from other Christians about these issues. I actually read the post 'What I think God meant when he gave me infertility' on another website yesterday and it made me cry! It was so beautifully written and summed up exactly how I'm feeling, and gave me hope that God has a plan through all of this. You are right that there are a lot of upsetting articles out there, written by people who don't have the first idea of what infertility is about. Fortunately I am surrounded by a lot of family and friends who will 100% support us in whatever we decide to do. We attend a baptist church and as far as I'm aware there aren't any clear views on IVF. I do think it is a personal decision though that should only be made after a lot of prayer. A lady in my church was baptised last week and when she gave her testimony she spoke about how God worked in her life 18 years ago when she was told she had a 6 month window to get pregnant otherwise she would have to have a hysterectomy. Apparently she had really bad endometriosis. They went for IVF and got pregnant with triplets. She was then advised to terminate 2 of them because there was no way her body could carry them all. She ignored the medical advice and went on to have 3 healthy children, all of whom are committed Christians. In fact 2 of them were baptised on the same day as their mum. How can anyone say that God wasn't happy with what she did back then?

Angel Star, I hadn't heard of naprotechnology but it is something I will have a read about, although sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the information out there! It has been good to be informed though when speaking to the doctors. When we saw the consultant last week I had to request a prescription for metformin off him because he hadn't even considered this. He didn't think it would work as I am not overweight and don't display any of the common physical signs of PCOS, however he agreed to give me some for two months. I've since found out that there has been some studies to suggest metforming produces better results in non-obese women - it's just a shame he has only given me a low dose for such a short period of time. I think he just wanted to please me. Anyway, at least it gives us a couple of months to think things through. We'll also have moved house by then and we shall be getting nearer to the summer so hopefully we will both be more relaxed and feel ready for IVF.

God Bless x


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## pumpkin-pie

Hi Faye, welcome to the group.  I worried a bit about what people at our church would think when we told them we were having IVF but everyone has been so supportive.  Our minister and his wife were really supportive and came round and prayed with us and really helped us especially after the first cycle was unsuccessful.  Having infertility and going through IVF has been a really difficult time for us but it has brought DH and I closer together and closer to God because you have to rely on him.  I think as well it really makes you realise the importance of prayer and the amazing blessing that children are.    that your treatment is successful xx


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## hbrodie

hi ladies.
I have a friend who is 34 weeks pg with her 2nd child and she was told 2 weeks ago the baby (girl) is small for dates, so she has had growth scans and baby is ont growing well    plus yesterday she was taken to hospital with very high BP. she is now home on meds for the BP and has another scan tuesday when they will decide whether to bring baby out now (when she'll be 35weeks) or leave her in there a bit more.
an I ask for you all to    for the baby and my friend Annie


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## Julie Wilts

Hello ladies 

Not been  on-line for 10 days so a very quick read back.  Welcome to Faye.

Hbrodie - Glad I "popped in" tonight now.  Will  for your friend and her little girl.

Love & hugs all
Julie
XXX


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## Sasha B

Hi Everyone,


Faye, welcome to our group! The story about your friends triplets is truly inspirational, thanks for sharing it with us. I hope you get a lot of support at your church. We're a supportive bunch on this thread so don't hesitate to ask for prayer.


HB, I'll be praying for your friend Annie and her little one. I do hope they decide to deliver her baby soon especially if her growth has slowed. 


Pumpkin, you must be getting nice and round now   .


Julie, hope you are ok hun.


Angel star, I love what you said about God knowing your heart, so true hun. He will give you his wisdom over the issue with how many embryos to create. He is after all the giver of life.


Hippo, I am going to check out that thread you recommended.


Love to everyone,


Sasha xxx


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## Piriam

Sasha B said:


> Piram, how are you hun?
> 
> I am still praying for you. I hope things begin to improve with yout Dh's health.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Sasha xxx


Hi Sasha,

Things here not good  dialysis not going well for DH, poor chap. We're all struggling, do appreciate your prayers.

Faye, welcome  When DH & I were looking at IVF etc the site we found most useful was www.*cmf*.org.uk/ 
[/size]Christian Medical Fellowship. Hope this helps and that you get lots of support from your church. The ladies here are lovely & very supportive.
[/size]
[/size]Hi to all


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## hbrodie

thanks for your    for annie and her baby. they had a scan today and showed baby is not growing at all now and annies' BP is sky high so she is in hospital being monitored as I type


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## Faye123

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome from you all. I'll definitely be dropping by for a few prayer requests when our treatment starts! Thanks for that link for CMF Piriam - off to check that out now.

HBrodie, I hope Annie and her and baby are OK. Will be praying for them,

xx


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## Sasha B

HB, will keep Annie and her beautiful baby in my prayers. I'm praying that the baby will be strong enough to be born now and that Annie's health would not deteriorate any further.


Piram, my love you have gone through so much in the past few years. We will always be here to pray for you & your Dh. I am so sorry that dialysis isn't working as well as you hoped. I know what its like to watch your husband suffer under illness. It breaks your heart that you can't do anything to change the situation. I do believe prayer is powerful though and I will pray that you and Dh have a tangible sense of God holding you in his everlasting arms. Please feel free to PM me anytime as well. 


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Sasha B

I just posted this on my ******** page and felt I'd like to share it with you all as well.

This song is for anyone who has lost a baby or a loved one. It touches me every time I listen to it. Have tissues at the ready.






Love,

Sasha xxx

/links


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## hbrodie

I saw annie today. she looks good, and they hope to induce her early next week....watch this space.


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## Julie Wilts

Hello ladies

Haven't been on here for a couple of weeks, but doesn't look as though you've been too chatty.  Do hope you are all well?

Hbrodie - Any more news on your friend hun?

Sasha - I'm good thanks hun.  Just started back at work this week so it's been a bit chaotic in the run up to it.  Coped ok though (DS and I), but DD not coping with the changes too well.

Piriam - Really sorry to hear that DH's treatment isn't going to well at the moment.  

Love & hugs to everyone
Julie
XXX


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## hbrodie

annie had her baby (Kitty) last tuesday so Kitty is 1week and 1day old. she was 4lb 14oz. was told would be in SCBU for 2-3 days so annie came home after 2 days but kitty is struggling to breathe still so she is still there and annie goes in every day to express milk for her and she is being fed via a tube


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## Julie Wilts

Evening ladies 

Hbrodie - I'm so sorry to hear that Kitty is having problems hun.  It must be really hard to have to leave your l/o in hospital and just visit.  I really do hope she'll be home soon. 

Love & hugs all
Julie
XXX


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## NatalieP

Hello
I'm new to the site and spotted this section. My husband and I are Christian's and have just been told my husband has major problems with his little swimmers and I can't help but be angry with God for this. 
Is it natural to be angry with God? 
How did you all cope with this news and your faith?
I wanted to go speak to one of the vicars at church with DH but he didn't want to. 
I just feel so mad with God about this, DH and I have been through a lot in our lives and now this... 
Natalie xx


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## Bambam

Hi Natalie


I have moved your post here to the Christian ladies thread as you'll get a better response here   


I'm sure some of them will be along and reply to you soon


Amanda xx


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## NatalieP

thanks bambam wasn't too sure where to put it!
xx


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## Sasha B

Hi Natalie,


I am so glad Bam Bam placed you on this thread. I am so sorry that you have been given this news and I think your response is a natural one. God knows your longing for a baby and understands how much it is hurting you to be told that Dh will have problems conceiving a child from his own sperm. It is not wrong to be angry with God, He is big enough to take it. Just be honest with Him. Tell him exactly what this news means to you and how you are feeling.  I don't pretend to have the answers but from my experience when I have given him my pain and grief somehow He has made the way forward bearable and I have have felt him holding me close to Him. I know He will do the same for you.


Feel free to ask about anything you like on this thread. They are a lovely supportive bunch of ladies and we'd love to help you in any way we can.


Bless you,


Sasha xxx


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## Hippogriff

I think all of us have screamed "Why me?" at God at some point on this journey.  For those of us who are Christians there is a stark reminder that Christ Himself on the cross cried out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me" - all that we have to hold to is that Christ knew our pain, our anger, our feelings of abandonment too.  Anger is very human.  But as I said on another post - this is the road less travelled.  None of us know the destination yet, all we know is that we are not alone on it.  And that God is with us still, in our anger, our grief, our pain, because He has known it too.

God bless you.


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## NatalieP

Thank you for your lovely replies. I was talking to a Christian friend last night and she pretty much said the same as you guys.
I hate been angry with God but just can't help it, I am trying to keep the dialogue open between us. 
Thank you ladies 
Peace in Christ
xx


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## heidi 1

Hi im Heidi this is my first time on here this site is a bit confuseing.I also went to try chat but its so fast i couldnt do it .Im not great on computers. Me and DH been ttc since end of 2005 i had an ectopic pg in auterm 06 and lost a fpt. Since then we carried on ttc .While as time went on i was getting a lot pf pain i ended up in hospital a lot of times . Also living in fear it was all happening again ! Jan2010 gp refered us to fc and we started tests and i had a lapr to investigate why i was getting so much pain. How ever other than some scar tissue from ovary to bladder i was ok the die test worked on right side. The left side isent good but we knew that from the ectopic.      Any way we are just turning 30 and are taking us seriously now !!! we have been told because of the time we been trying we will prob need ivf . BUt we are trying clomid first for 6 months . only i am needing to loose anther  5 pounds first.Then for the ivf  have quite a bit to loose to reach 30. Because i  was born medical  condition pku which is food related if i can get down to 33/32 he will put us forward for it and a letter from my dietician and specialist .Im fed up with people not understanding my pain and feelings.and peoples silly commets that hurt. Im a christian  and go to a pentecostal church. I know gods plan is for us to have children and he will give us the desires of our hearts .We pray in faith and thank God for our children.Its just so hard waiting


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## heidi 1

Hi i m talking bmi in my first message Lol


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## Sasha B

Heidi, welcome hun   . Sometimes people can say or do such hurtful things without even realizing. It is such a painful journey and I can so relate to that longing and deep desire for children and believing God will give them to you. What I have learned is that sometimes when the battle gets too hard you need to let other come alongside you and help you to hold up your hands like Aaron and Joshua did for Moses.

Natalie, thanks for your honesty hun. I know God will meet with you in all your hurt and pain.

Just thought I'd put on this link. It is a testimony of a lady called Jill who is one of the worship team at my old church in Sydney...






Love,

Sasha xxx

/links


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## pumpkin-pie

Hi not been on much recently but hello to Natalie and Heidi.  The TTC journey is such a difficult one and in some ways being a christian helps but in other ways it is so hard.  Both DH and I believed we were meant to have children but it has taken around 9 years for us to finally get pregnant.  That has been so hard but God has aplan and has perfect timing even if to us at the time it doesnt feel that way.  All that waiting is worth it in the end.  Hang in there and keep


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## LJyorkshire

Sending   for Annie and her baby x


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## MrsMaguire

Hiya,


I think I earn my nickname Malteser now more than ever     


I thought you guys had been really quiet, I thought with it coming up to Easter I'm sure people will get chatting again. I checked out the section on the off chance and found that there's a new post on here. 


I was meant to start my Lenten journey last week, but just been too ill to get anywhere. I managed to do the fish on Friday, even if it was fish cake. I keep meaning to organise a confession with my priest, I think I might call first thing to see if I can go and see him at some point. I'm going to donate some money to Red Cross over the next few weeks to help with the work going on with Japan. God bless those in Japan both the living and the departed. 


We had further trouble with our latest pregnancy, this time it was tubal, so so annoying. So I've written a letter I'm going to send to various priests and individuals a big higher up as I need to know the theology around it. I hope that they'd also pray for the souls of the departed too. My best friend has come home from Ireland so we're going to go up to Liverpool to pray at the Catholic Cathedral at some point as they have a memorial for departed babies, it would be nice to leave something there. DH refuses to go with me as its all too raw. I don't know why but it just doesn't seem real, every time I think about it I just start crying, so I just try and avoid directly thinking anything to do with due dates etc, even though I made a stupid mistake of signing up to baby centre so I'm getting week by week updates from them. 


      for everyone here for good health and happiness


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## LJyorkshire

Mrs Maguire..so sorry to hear about your losses. Will   for you and for your precious babies in heaven

LJ x


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## hbrodie

mrs maguire. I am so very sorry to hear of your lost baby hun. I think going to the cathedral and seeking theology from higher up ssounds like a good idea for you. It might help clarify things, and it might open up your thoughts to even more questions but it may leave you even more upset hun. I am glad u have a good friend you can talk to, and your DH will open up / come round soon enough, in his own time. massive hugs and love   

I too have been    for those in Japan. living and dead, human and animal.


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## Julie Wilts

Hello ladies

20 days since I've been on FF!!!     At one time I was here every day, but now I don't seem to find a spare minute to get on.

Still  for you all and think about you often.

Love & hugs
Julie
XXX


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## Sasha B

Hi Ladies,

I saw this a few weeks ago and it blew me away. Sometimes we can get so distracted and loose sight of what is really important. I hope this video clip blesses you as much as it did me.






Love,

Sasha xxx

/links


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## MrsMaguire

That was truly amazing, the video was amazing, the music was amazing and bought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing that with us    


I've got surgery on Friday so I've got my priest coming round to do all sorts tomorrow, really should tidy up and get some milk in for him. I'm having sacrament of the sick, then I'm doing a confession and I think we're having communion afterwards. The embarrassing thing is, I don't think I can remember any words to anything as my brain is so forgetful at the moment. 


I can't believe how late Easter is this year. 

The bad thing is that the day of fast falls on a Friday which is chinese day in our house, so I keep forgetting no meat   


xxx


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## seemedlike4eva

Hello ladies,
I've been on FF for a while, read but not posted on the Christian thread. I knew before we married about DH's problem, but with the conviction that he was the man God had appointed for me, I carried on, expecting that God would bless us. I've struggled a lot with using donor sperm - every cycle pretty much failed, & at times I wondered if it was tantamount to adultery. Now we're in the process of embryo adoption, we have found a clinic in the Czech republic which has a scheme where you can adopt an embryo from a couple who have finished treatment, the clinic is also very strict about you being married. Last year we went to the Anglican shrine in Walsingham to pray for our own miracle, haven't ever confided in anyone from our own church about the fertility issues. Hoping for another cycle in June/July, finances permitting, find it hard to accept we'll never have our own children but God has really blessed us with other people's children in our lives, sometimes I feel weepy & bitter but every child is a precious creation of His.
Blessings x


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## angel star

Hi seemslike4eva, just wanted to send you  . I should be better at praying, but when I do I try and remember all the FF people in my prayers. Wishing you all the best with what you decide and do in the future. You sound like a truly selfless person and I admire you for your strength. I confided in a few people at church about the ICSI we had and really thought that I was going to be condemned. But all of a sudden I was embraced although I know they would not have done it themselves. They also gave me accounts of difficulties ttc and I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. 

MrsMaguire, I hope your visit from your priest gives you comfort and strength. I'm sure you will remember the words and if not nothing embarrassing about it as the priest will say them for you. I had our assistant priest over the other week an we talked a bit about my infertility and miscarriages. Bless him he is only 8 months ordained and don't think he really had a clue. He just said he thought it was normal to have early miscarriages, could not quite grasp how devastating they had been for me, more so because of my fertility history. He did say he would keep me in his prayers, but I don't think he really got it, but maybe there's a man thing in that too  .

Hi to everyone else on here.


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## MrsMaguire

Hey,

Seemslike4eva - I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this, I think god is there in our lives to make us stronger. I really hope that you get blessed with your baby in your next treatment cycle. I think you're so amazing thinking about the other children you've been blessed with through others, I know its not the same but these children really can add light into your life. You are in my thoughts and prayers hunni. 


Angel Star - how are you doing hunni? Really hope you're as ok as can be. I admitted to my priest in confession that I'd spoke to a psychic, I've got a really old fashioned priest, he reminded me that god knows all life before conception and that we will be blessed, we just need to be patient and it'll take time. He also said that you can offer mass for your unborn babies, you can also go to him as soon as you know you're pregnant to be blessed and to pray with your priest to St Gerard. There's this website, I'll have to try and find it, they have St Gerard charms and St Gerard prayer cards. I don't know if you know, but St Anthony and St Anne (Mary's parents) are the patron saints of all things fertility. There's a Catholic cathedral in Liverpool that has a memorial for unborn babies, I'm definitely going to visit at some point. 


I was surprised about my priest because when we were doing convalidation prep everytime I mentioned my fertility issues he'd gone on a rant about abortion. But he was so lovely, we said a prayer together for my unborn babies. I think Deacons (I think thats who may have come round) will get more experience as they develop in their position, so to know all the theology must be hard for them. I know I've tried to press a few priests for specifics and they just can't tell me. If you look for St Gerards church in Bristol, the priest there is lovely, you can email him as well. 


I felt so much better after sacrament of the sick, I went in the church and we did confession, then I had sacrament of the sick, then we did communion. Monsignor tried to find my house but it wasn't happening as we live on a new estate thats in the middle of no where. So DH ended up taking me to church. I'd recommend it to anyone who is having a hard time, it feels so amazing to be blessed by god. I hope that by doing that my faith will be renewed and I'll find the strength to fight through everything. 


God bless 


xxx


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## Faye123

Hi Ladies,

I've not been on here for a while as we've had a rough couple of weeks. Last month I got a BFP for the first time ever! I was so excited and couldn't quite believe it. Anyway, I miscarried at 6 weeks on my 35th birthday - gutted! We had tried not to get too carried away and were being naturally pesimistic (having fertility problems makes you like I think) but we still couldn't stop ourselves making plans and getting excited. It was my first full month on metformin which my doctor didn't think would work so I don't know if it was that or whether it would have happened anyway. I'd really appreciate your prayers as I go back to the doctor on Thursday and I'd like him to keep me on the metformin. If this doesn't work our only option is IVF which we will really be struggling to afford. The moneys worries on top of everything else are not helping. I've no idea what God is doing through all of this but I am trying to keep trusting in him. The whole thing is just so exhausting...

xx


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## Sasha B

Faye my love                      . 
I am so very sorry. I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care of yourself. I imagine you must have so many things going through your head right now and so many emotions going through your heart. 


Lots of love.


Sasha xxx


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## Julie Wilts

Faye

I'm so terribly sorry to hear your news . Like you say, it's so hard to understand why God allows such things to happen.  Personally, I've had 4 m/c's and with hindsight now I can see that they did make me stronger and so much more grateful when my DD & DS finally arrived.  for you.

Love & hugs
Julie
XXX


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## seemedlike4eva

Thanks for the welcome ladies!
Mrs Maguire, my DH spoke to a psychic a couple of years ago, who said we'd have to travel, and wait, but we would have a baby boy. I'm glad that recieving the sacrament of the sick was a comfort to you. I bought a St Anne medal from Walsingham. I've never visited Liverpool, but when we do I'll make sure to visit the shrine for the unborn babies.
Faye, I'm sorry that you suffered a miscarriage, even more so that it happened on your birthday. I hope you feel stronger soon.
Angel Star, when my DD died a lot of my bereavment visits were done by a very newly ordained curate, he was way out ofhis comfort zone, yes I think it does have a 'man' element to it when they're new on the job. 
Hello to Sasha and Julie xx


----------



## angel star

Faye  . I am so sorry for your loss and on your birthday. Any day you miscarry you will always remember but on days when you would otherwise celebrate it seems so cruel. I'm like you not quite sure what God is doing through all this, but I'm sure he knows and if we place our trust in him all will come clear.

Mrs Maguire, Im ok thanks. On some antibiotics to see if it might clear up any endometrial infection I have. I suspect nothing is wrong but I think my Napro doctor is running out of options for me. 

I have the prayer to St Gerard Majella and bought a little book at church a fortnight ago and must do the Novena to St Gerard. I didn't know about Mary's parents being patron saints of all things fertility - thanks for that. I have been to the Catholic Cathedral in Liverpool a bit as I lived near there at one point. The side chapel they have for unborn babies is lovely simple and prayerful. I love the whole cathedral as it is very modern and I find a real sense of peace whenever I have been. I am in the diocese that the Bristol church is in, maybe I should pay a visit. I am so pleased that your visit to the priest was helpful and you felt renewed. How did your op go?

Hello to everyone else and   all round. xx


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## MrsMaguire

Hiya,

Angel Star - he is totally lovely, they have week day mass in the mornings and then one on a Tuesday evening about half 7. It's a lovely church inside, couldn't really make up my mind on the decor lol. I'll have to look at the Novena to St Gerard. I'm willing to try anything at all, my priest said that god can't intervene with nature, but he can bless us with life, so for me its about being patient. I love the cathedral in Liverpool, it looks so amazing on the outside, I love architecture anyway, I usually like the older buildings, the Catholic Cathedrals in Spain are amazing. I hope the anti b's clear everything up for you. There's this turquoise charm you can get for St Gerard, I'm thinking of ordering another for my necklace. I've got a crucifix and an angel on the same chain, I'm sure it won't matter adding the St Gerard pendant.

Seemslike4eva - Hope you're as ok as can be. I think you're right about men talking about womens problems although Monsignor was quite empathetic, usually he's a stone cold man, the kind of priest you don't want to annoy or you'll be saying Hail Mary's now and forever. If you look on ebay its a guy that does pendulum readings, I know we shouldn't mess with the occult, but since I heard from that psychic last week I've felt strangely calm (could be the morphine lol) so I think its about getting some kind of closure and knowing our little ones are safe up above.

Faye - I'm so sorry to hear your news hunni, how awful that it happened on your birthday as well     You and your angel are in my thoughts and prayers.

My op went well, no apparent reason for my fertility issues apart from a tethered ovary, so hopefully we can start again on clomid next month and see a little miracle. The pains been bad post op but its under better control now thank goodness. There were endo and adhesions etc so hopefully this will buy me some time as I don't want to be having surgery all of the time.

Not long till Easter!

I found this and thought it was pretty inspiring!

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time. (Martin Luther)


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## LJyorkshire

Hello ladies
I keep popping on here to read your posts. I'm a Catholic  though not been a regular church-goer for a long time. I lost my DH in 2004 in a car accident just 4 months after our wedding and find churches tough to be in since.god has blessed me with an amazing new DP and we are having IVF right now (I know the church calls it evil but thankfully my parents who are devout Catholics are very supportive).
I sneaked into church for stations of the cross last week and was tearful all the way through the service. The dean's  wife who I'd never met before noticed and gave me tea and sympathy afterwards and said a lovely prayer with me asking God for help in sending us a baby. I daren't tell her about the IVF though.
If any of you have room for another in your prayers then I could do with some help. I have my first scan Friday to see if stimms are working but have been warned not to expect much given my age / AmH. Will remember you all in my prayers too

God Bless

LJ x


----------



## Faye123

Hiya,

Thanks for all your kind words and   . I'm feeling much more positive today after a good appointment with my specialist. When I arrived the board outside said that he was 'away' so I started panicking as I had an awful experience once with another specialist. I prayed and prayed I would get someone helpful and when I walked in my original specialist was actual there - I could have hugged him! He was very excited that I actually managed to get pregnant and he said the fact that I miscarried does not increase my odds of miscarrying again which put my mind at rest. He made me look on the positives and now I know at least one of my tubes are clear and that DH's sperm can actually fertilize my eggs. He increased my dose of metformin so we will see how that goes and then he might try the clomid again. Feels like we've done a bit of a U-turn from the IVF route which is good, although I don't want to delay it unneccessarily. 

Hello and welcome LJYorkshire - there are many MANY Christians out there who see IVF as a wonderful beautiful gift. I'll remember you in my prayers and pray that you will find the support you need from the church  

xx


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## pumpkin-pie

Hello everyone, havent been on this board much recently but hello to all the new ladies.  Will be saying a    for you all.  Will try to get on a bit more often, I finish work in 2 weeks time.  Still cant believe sometimes that after over 8 years of praying and waiting our prayers will be finally answered, very excited!  Hoping that one day all your    will be answered too


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## Julie Wilts

Hello all 

Don't know where the time is going atm .... just celebrated my 40th birthday & 10th Wedding Anniversary, so DH arranged for me to have a lovely long weekend in America with my brother, his wife & my 8 month old nephew that I hadn't met.  Only working 2 days a week, but don't seem to find much down time at all now.

Pumpkin-Pie - Oh wow ... only 2 weeks more at work.  So excited for you hun. X

Love & hugs all
Julie
XXX


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## MrsMaguire

Hiya,


Julie - sounds like you were totally spoilt for your birthday and wedding anniversary. How long is it till you get over to America?


Pumpkin - I can't believe how quick the time has passed. Have you got everything sorted?


Faye - thats fantastic that your consultant is so positive about the way forward, sending you lots and lots of sticky vibes so you get your BFP soon. 


LJ - of course I'll pray for you    I think its such a positive thing to do and eventually our prayers answered. I found the same thing when I went to church after a spell of not going, I sat in mass crying. I must have looked like a proper fool. I think its the sanctity of the church and how relaxing it is and knowing that god is all around us. 


I've been so ill recently I've not got to church, but had a call from the priest to see if I wanted him to do a private communion at home. I'm hoping to be well enough this weekend to go in. I can't believe how quick Easter has come round, not long to go. I was in hospital last week with some post op problems, I had a dream that my aunt came down and was sat by me telling me to rest and take it easy. I think it could be from the pain meds, but it felt so relaxing. 


I'm thinking of doing a course in Parish Catechesis, it should be really interesting. 


xx


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## LJyorkshire

Mrs Maguire thanks for your prayers. Will   for you too that you recover speedily from your op. We have 4 fertilised eggs (out of 4!!) and have ET later today so special day for us

Faye .. All the best with the last stages of your pregnancy 

Love and prayers to all

LJ x


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## pumpkin-pie

MrsMaguire - sorry you were back in hospital, hope you start to feel better and stronger soon   

LJ -    that ET goes well and in 2 weeks you will have something to celebrate   

Julie - sounds like a lovely way to celebrate


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## seemedlike4eva

Hi ladies!
LJ congratulations on being PUPO, and     that this is your time.
Julie what a lovely birthday present!
Pumpkin pie - hope these last few weeks go smoothly.
Mrs Maguire -    that you'll be feeling well enough to enjoy the Easter celebrations.
Faye, I'm glad that you had a positive appointment with your consultant,    for happy news for you this year.
We are in a delicate situation, we befriended a new young couple at church, saw them have their first baby in the autumn, now they have just split up & the father is staying with us. Could really do without an extra person in the house, plus the associated traumas, just have to trust in Our Father to sort the situation.
Angelstar


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## MrsMaguire

Hiya,


Seemslike4eva - oh gosh that must be a really tricky situation, lets pray that god finds a resolution for it. You're definitely worth your weight in gold for being so fantastic and taking the man in. 


Hope everyone else is ok, sending love, prayers and blessings to everyone. 


I was going to be cheeky and ask for some prayers if there's any going please, I feel so poorly at the moment, its got to the point where I really can't see a way forward. I see my Dr on Tuesday to see if anything can be done with pain relief, but I'm probably the least useful person ever at the moment. 

I had sacrament of the sick before my operation, but for some reason its not gone all that right, I feel a bit guilty having communion at home during the Easter Week as my priest is going to be so busy. I'm lucky that the church I go to, the man is really straight to the point in mass, so it won't be a really long service. It might do me good to go along, I definitely want to take my little boy on Friday at least. I think its going to be so packed though. 


Is anyone doing a fast in the next week? I think we're meant to do the main one on Good Friday, no meat and cut something out of your life that you rely on. 


Hope everyone has had a fantastic Palm Sunday. 


Many blessings for the coming week.


xxx


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## seemedlike4eva

Mrs M there's always prayers to go round.    I see from your signature you have RA? I have lupus, not the nicest diseases to have are they?
I'm not fasting this week, didn't even give up anything for Lent, decided that because we always fail, we'd extend our giving instead - our church has an outreach for asylum seekers- so we pledged to put a meal a week in the food bank for them. There's a march of witness on friday, where the neighbourhood churches link together and carry the cross through the streets. i've volunteered with a friend to do the tea & buns at the final church on the route. Got to butter 200 buns   .
 everyone, may each and everyone be blessed this Holy Week x


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## LJyorkshire

MrsMaguire - will certainly pray for you

I now have 3 embies safely on board...just the long 2ww now!

LJ x


----------



## MrsMaguire

Hiya,


LJ - thanks for the prayers hunni, I'll pray for you too to get a sticky BFP, got everything crossed that you have a stress free 2ww       


Seemslike4eva - I'm going to give quite a bit in my envelope for the local priest. Hope you have a fantastic time on Friday, I think its donating things like time and meals that make a real difference. I used to send money to some charities, then I was reading the Guardian on jobs day and saw the obscene amounts they pay people who work for charities. I'd rather be giving my money to the people that matter. At xmas they have something at church where you buy the needy kids presents, so throughout the year I collect things I can wrap up for pressies for the kids that might not usually get anything. 


I'm trying to get this booklet called Work with Me. I found a way of getting it through the post, but their website is broke. The other alternative I have is to travel 40 miles to the cathedral to get a copy, I'm not sure I'm really well enough for that. Will have to see how I feel tomorrow. 


I've had a bit of a bad day as a so called friend sent a message saying she wouldn't be coming round to see me anymore as all I do is lie down all the time (because I feel so poorly and I'm in so much pain) she preferred it when I used to take her out places as I always needed someone with me. I think she's annoyed as DH said we could go to the RHS Flower Show, she was hoping that she'd get the free ticket but my hubby really wants to go with me. I said she could get a ticket herself and we'd give her a lift, but she's really sulking that she'll have to pay for a ticket. I'm quite annoyed as I'm not a charity, in the past she would suggest activities for us to do, but they'd always usually cost money so I'd end up paying twice. I guess its times like these you realise who your real friends are!


xxx


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## angel star

MrsMaguire, I am so sorry you are in a lot of pain  . I will keep you in my prayers and pray that God will help you find a way through this difficult time. I hope your doctor comes up with some effective pain relief for you. I will be fasting on Friday as Good Friday in the catholic church is a fast and abstinence day - basically no meat and 3 small meals, so I usually have breakfast, a small lunch and 2 hot cross buns for my tea. But you can have fluids all day. 

Well done for you taking your little boy to church on Good Friday. I will take DS to children's Stations of the Cross in the morning then I will go back on my own for the 3pm service. My DS is not well behaved in church and seeing as we are only on week 2 of toilet training thought bad idea  . But he will be coming Easter Sunday with me. I'm so sorry about your friend - I think she's a real cheek and it's all one sided and actually not much of a friend. Maybe some time out will help her to reflect on her attitude  .

I think I will be living at church this week, I am going to the Chrism Mass at the cathedral on Wednesday where they bless the Holy oils to be used in the coming year and distribute them to the parishes. Then Maundy Thursday will be going to the Mass of the Last Supper, Friday the service, Saturday the Easter Vigil and Sunday with my little boy in the morning. DH doesn't mind at all and he is an atheist, he just lets me get on with it  . I like going to all of them but seeing as I am a catechist for confirmation I think it is good to practice what we ask of the young people.

LJ, positive thoughts and prayers for you on your 2ww. It always feels like an eternity so I hope it goes quickly for you and you have a wonderful outcome. 

Seemslike4eve, sorry you too suffer with a chronic illness. It must be quite difficult having an extra person in the house but what a Christian thing to do. I hope the situation is resolved soon for all of you. Enjoy buttering the 200 buns on Friday  .

Hello and prayers for all of you on this thread. 

Had a bit of a wobble again this week but completely normal for me on this IF journey. I had actually felt a lot better last week as I had started to place a lot of it in the Lord's hands and accept that he upstairs knows what is best for me and has my whole life mapped out already. But what I find so hard is not knowing and the waste of negative emotions I sometimes have when I should be so thankful for all the wonderful things in my life already - but I just don't feel whole (does that make any sense?). Also I have not actively TTC for 3 months due to weird cycle in Jan / Feb, then have been on antibiotics for 3 weeks (only 2 days to go) and told to not get pregnant as they could harm the baby. So I cannot start my clomid until May. It just seems so long but i know it will soon come around.

If I don't get on here before, wishing you all a Happy and Holy Easter and many blessings to you all.


----------



## LJyorkshire

Happy Easter to you too Angel Star. Maybe the feast of new life will herald good news for us all in the coming months

Mrs Maguire - cannot believe what your friend said. Who needs friends like these? Try MOT to let it upset you and once you're up to it make an effort to get in contact with people who you enjoy being around ..radiators not drains!!

LJ x


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## MrsMaguire

Sending lots of Easter Blessings to everyone. 

God bless


xxx


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## Julie Wilts

Just a flying visit to wish you all a lovely Easter.  Had a lovely family friendly service at our Church this morning, with a Baptism to enjoy as well.  

I enjoyed a packet of crisps this morning when I got back from Church, as I'd given them up for Lent.  DD chose to give up her DS for Lent and hasn't missed it at all (tbh she was never obsessed with it anyway, and we would have limited her time if she was, but I'm still really proud of her).  She now says she might not play with it till her Birthday in July.

Hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather which we are having today down South.

God bless.
Love & hugs
Julie
XXX


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## LJyorkshire

Hi ladies.. Thanks for all your prayers and support but sadly this treatment ended in a BFN for us. We had an early blood test as needed to make a decision about flying to Vegas for best friend's wedding so we tested Easter Sunday and when we got the news flew out the next day. Heading home today. Am struggling to work out God's plan in all this. I was widowed at 34 when DH died in a car crash 4 months after our wedding after 10 happy years. It's taken to long to meet another special man but I'm 41 and feel I'm being punished all over again as is much harder to conceive at my age..the choice to become a Mummy younger was taken away from me.

To cap it all have spent Vegas holiday in awful pain and discomfort from post-treatment AF

Wish it wasn't so hard

Love to you all

LJ x


----------



## Sasha B

LJ, so very sorry hun that it didn't work      . I know how devastating it can be when you have already faced significant loss in your life. I am so sad to hear about your Dh. It must have come as a huge shock to you. Not that anyone can or will ever be able to take his place but I am pleased that you have met someone new. I know it feels like you are being punished ( and I too have felt like that many times in the past) but that is so not God's way. Why would he punish you for something that was completely out of your control? He loves you so much. You are his beloved, his precious daughter. I'll pray that you get a fresh revelation of that.


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## angel star

LJ, so sorry that you got a BFN and it meant you were not able to enjoy your best friend's wedding    . I can imagine how difficult it is to try and work out what God has planned but only he knows and somehow our faith will help carry us through, even though at times we want to quit. I often ask why me? But then I have to ask why not me? For both questions I have no answer but it helps to balance the hurt.

I wish it wasn't so hard for you, you have been through so much already   .  Take care of yourself, give yourself some time and space and hoping you will have a miracle baby soon  .
xx


----------



## Julie Wilts

LJ - So sorry to hear your news. . X


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## seemedlike4eva

LJ, I'm sorry it wasn't good news. Understand what you mean about wondering how this can be God's plan..it is difficult, and I haven't found the answer yet either.
Good Friday I survived buttering 200 buns, good job we did so many because 150 people came!
Easter Sunday my husband was baptised by immersion which was wonderful.
Hoping that everyone is doing OK, x


----------



## pumpkin-pie

Hello Ladies, havent had time to get on here much but thinking of all of you who are going through difficult times and    that you will get your    answered.  To offer some hope we had been TTC for around 9 years, with no luck and complicated by DH having a kidney transplant, me having endometriosis and two big ops to remove large cysts.  After our 2nd IVF cycle we were blessed to find out we were pregnant.  And on 8/5/11, at 37 weeks and 4 days I gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter Imogen who was 6lb 6oz.  We are so happy that our prayers have finally been answered.  Its been a long and difficult journey but God has been good.


----------



## LJyorkshire

Oh Pumpkin Pie..you give me hope...thanks for posting x


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## Julie Wilts

Pumpkin Pie -  hun.  So pleased to hear that little Imogen has arrived safely.  God bless your precious family. XXX


----------



## Piriam

Pumpkinpie - Congrats to you & your dh. Such wonderful news!


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## angel star

Sorry, I don't really post very much on this thread  . 

pumpkin-pie, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter after a long journey.

I wanted to share this with you that today when I was at church we sang the hymn Be still and know I am with you, and when it came to these lines "Be glad the day you have sorrow. Be glad, for then you live. " I thought about all of us on the infertility road and I'm not really glad that I have these problems, but I suppose I am glad because through my sorrow and despair I also know the importance and beauty of life and appreciate it more than those who do not - does that make sense? Anyway, just wanted to share and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. x


----------



## Sasha B

Pumpkin and Dh, congratulations on the birth of little Imogen    .  Praise God for this precious little life!


Love,


Sasha xxx


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## Unique

*Pumpkin* congratulations to you and your hubby! Imogen has such a pretty name, not one you hear over in Canada  You are so blessed!

Hello to everyone! It has been a while that I was here last. It has been a healing time being away from the boards and God has and continues to be faithful even when my arms are still empty. I know deep down He has a wonderful plan for my hubbyman and I and we are relishing this 'alone time' since I truly believe our baby blessings will come  Call it faith. I have been walking in this at long last for a short time here and just quietly listening and trusting God when before I was filled with much bitterness, envy and jealousy for all mothers and pregnant women. Finally God showed me His glory and I am at peace, an overwhelming peace 

Anyway just wanted to share some of what I have been going through to keep those who are still waiting, don't give up hope, God does NOT forget us, He knows our names, knows are hearts' desires and hears us as we cry out to Him. Be of good cheer and lean on Him especially when you do not feel like it. Believe me, He never fails to lift me up and make me soar like an eagle on tough days when the enemy of my soul is attacking me with lies.

Stay blessed all! Mamas, mamas-to-be and mamas in waiting  

  

Blessings,

~Vanessa
xxx


----------



## Wraakgodin

what a lovely post, Vanessa - it brought tears to my eyes.  I hope that your prayers will soon be answered.

Sue


----------



## Weezlet

Hello Ladies, 
I'm new to FertilityFriends site so have been doing some exploring in the different posts and was so excited to see one dedicated to Christian women! 
It's one thing having the support of fellow ladies who are having difficulty conceiving, but entirely different having the support and encouragement of daughters of God! WOW!!

It's been the hardest road to walk but I dont think I could have done this for the last 4 years (and still going!) if I didn't have God to lean on and depend on. To have faith that His blessings will come and His promises are true is what keeps me going; keeps me hopeful. 

His ways are not ours, and His ways and timing are PERFECT!!!!! We will never understand his reasons for why we face these trials...but we must keep trusting Him, keep our eyes on Him and never stop praying!! He prepares and equips us for everything we will face on this earth. What an awesome God we serve!!!

A quick background of my story. My hubby and I have been married for 7 years and have been trying for a baby for 4. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 2 years ago and have been on all permissible doses of Clomid with no success. At the end of May we had yet another appointment with the consultant (NHS) and we have now been referred to a different hospital for further treatment, IUI or IVF...not sure yet what we'll be starting with. We're waiting for the appointment letter to arrive in the post...BUT all in God's perfect time!

Well, that's it in a very tight nutshell! 
Much Love xx


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## seemedlike4eva

Welcome Weezlet!
I'm glad I found this section too. It's often difficult to share IF issues with our immediate Christian families, with differing opinions throughout the Church on tx options. 
Praying for your miracle xx


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## Notthereyet

Dearest sisters,

I must apologise as I've been a silent attender to this wall for the last 4 weeks and I'm no really sure why I haven't been writing? Maybe because I have been giving so much time to the may/June thread, or that this wall seemed quieter- but in honesty I cant make sense of it myself. My IF summary is below, but more and most importantly I want to introduce my self with regard to my relationship to Jesus. I came to know Jesus properly about 7 years ago at Uni, I had been a regular church go up to that point but had never really realised what the Lord was doing and capable of until then, when a friend asked whether I felt God wanted me to give my life to Him. That friend has remained one of my closest and was a bridesmaid at Our wedding. I am actually a Catholic, but want to Clarify that I get so excited talking about God with everyone and anyone! To those of you who don't really get the 'difference' to me there are a few practically- essentially I say the Hail Mary, Pray the Rosary sometimes and go to a Catholic Church. It also meant that we have had to battle against the devil and pray that IVF is OK, because fundamentally the church says its wrong, prayer and discussion with 2 priests has made us feel that 'Gods will be done' what ever we do, medicine is ordained by God and ultimately God has a plan IVF wont work if its not meant to. (I hope that doesn't offend anyone who disagrees with IVF)

My DH is also a very devout Catholic and we were brought together in Christ after a beautiful 5 year friendship, finally marrying in October last year. We felt God calling us to be parents straight away and suspected we may have a journey as I had not had a period for 10 years! But doctors were assuming it was because of one thing, not that I might be heading for an early menopause, it was a devastating blow, but one that God has helped me come to terms with- Praise the lord it is imminent and not that I have gone through the menopause yet! So after a few failed cycles with 'simple measures' IVF was lay ed out as our only likely chance and we started the cycle at the end of May- its been really challenging. We have Prayed ALOT and it is making us realise whole heartedly that IF is such an easy way for the devil to attack our faith, not that it stops us believing in Gods existence, but it shakes our trust that God has the perfect Plan and timing. We get so caught up in each day, emotion and twinge, begging the Lord that this would be the time, but we find ourselves confused; "ask and it will be given unto you, seek and you shall find" Mathew 7:7 or Ecclesiastes 3:2 "A time to be born and a time to die".

We have told our parents as both our Mums are Christian and they are praying, but our siblings and friends don't know, because we felt God doesn't want us to use this for sympathy and it has the potential to make all discussions about IF and it will potentially lead us to lose focus of our relationships with others. So as we battle the 2ww now I am finding it really hard, I am comfort eating and then get angry that I have put my strength in food not in the Lord, I question this cycle every day and have been really teary the last few days, I cant make sense of it- I know Gods here with me but I feel so scared still so why do I feel that!

Our reading in Church today was Acts 12:1-11- The Angel comes to Peter directs himm to Put on his clothes, leads him from the cell and out of the prison, it is only when Peter is free and the Angel has departed that he pronounces his realisation that the Angel of the Lord had done all that. I am hoping earnestly that the Lord has sent his Angel and we too will look back and realise that the Angel was leading us.

Weezlet- privileged to meet you, 4 years of TTC- praise God for your strength. Where abouts in the country do you live, is your husband Christian too, well done for keeping your 'in a nut shell' A LOT tighter than mine!

Vanessa- thank you for your encouraging words, and for your exemplary faith - I hope I don't need to use that line in a weeks time but thank you for reminding me, I need to be a humble servant not a bellowing disciple!  I will keep my prayers coming across the world for you.

Pumpkin- congratulations and thank you for sharing the witness that God answers are hearts desires, wishing you and your family much happiness.

Haven't quite got up to date with the wall but  to you all.

I know I'm knew to this wall but I would like to open this board up to prayer requests if thats OK? If anyone has any specific requests I would love to pray for you (try to be more specific than desiring a baby!) it would be a welcome distraction from my own 2ww torment and God has spoken in to me today about writing to you all and I feel this is why.

Much Love

Sarah
x


----------



## LJyorkshire

Sarah - I wish you strength on your 2ww. I had a BFN at the end of April and am only just feeling "normal" again. I will pray that it is in God's plans for you to have a family. If you would like to pray for me then I would ask for God to send me some positivity to deal with life..after losing my husband in a car crash 7 years ago I am finding this infertility journey so very hard. Energy and belief are what I need right now

God bless

LJ x


----------



## Notthereyet

God has been so gracious today and I definately feel alot more positive. LJ you are definately in my prayers from now on, for your grieving of DH, for your baby that God WILL bless you with and for peace. Keep praying God never leaves us. 

God bless

Sarah
xxx


----------



## Sasha B

LJ, I just read your post and wanted to give you a    . I lost my husband 1 year after you and I still feel like my life is not back to 'normal'. I can so relate when you say how hard and painful IF is and how much it takes out of you both mentally and emotionally. Please feel free to PM me. Bless you hun.


Sasha xxx


----------



## LJyorkshire

Sasha - so sorry you lost your beloved DH too but wonderful that he left you the gift of your children! Have you met anyone special since? I have been so lucky to meet DP and together we are hoping to make our dreams of a family cone true...somehow. I know I'm old to be trying for a baby but life just didn't make it possible until now

LJ x


----------



## Petite One

Hello everyone

SashaB - Just read your signature! You have been through a lot.  

LJYorkshire - hope you're doing ok.  

Notthereyet - A very moving post.   My dh and I also feel it's important to keep our infertility journey private and we've only shared it with a few. Thank you for the offer of prayer. We would love to have a child and I have worked in supporting families and children who have had terrible lives, so I really feel we can provide the warmth, love and fun that children deserve.

AFM - I have found the whole fertility journey very difficult. I kept telling the dr's something was wrong for years and that was even before trying for babies.  Then finally we recently got very bad amh results. Alas we now can't get any nhs funding! This is our 1st ivf and our otd on 25th July 2011 - if I make it. I don't feel it's worked.  

I pray for people on FF, for people around the world and for those who have no one.  I have felt so angry, hurt, tearful and a range of other emotions. My health has not been good for a while and yet we never get any answers. This, as well as other issues has tested me to the maxiumum.  I don't understand why life is such a struggle for myself and others. I feel I'm losing a battle and it hurts so much.

It's an inspiration to read people's stories but it also breaks my heart that people's dreams and prayers don't always come true, be it infertility, terminal illnesses etc.

Please God give all of you strength and peace including myself and my family.


----------



## pumpkin-pie

Hello, havent been on here for a while so hello to all the newbies.  Life is busy but great.  Time is flying and I am loving every minute.  Every day give thanks to God for our beautiful daughter, she is a real blessing to us and to our families.    for you all wherever you are in your journeys


----------



## popsickles1

Can i joon this thraed please. Had my first bfn yesterday. I am gutted. I am a christisn and my faith is severely been tesrmtrd. The hole of my church and chrustian friends orayed  n prayed  n orayed.....and it was stikk neg......i git told that things that hapoens to me is gods will  
so why is it gods will talhat in nit a mummy. Our church has had a massive baby boom over last 19 years. Ive had to watch all if that joy. I think the next tome i go into church wikk be my funeral....cauae i cant go on......and i kniw for sure god is not good n he doesnt answer orayer.


----------



## Gen

Hi Popsickles1,

I'm praying for you   . I can only share my own experience regarding infertility being God's will  .... I had alot of tx cycles and surgery and finally had a baby girl on my 13th attempt of fertility tx. 

Before then, I thought all sorts of things, like I was being punished by God, ....that perhaps I'd done something really bad in a previous life, and that I had somehow let God down, and now I was going to have to endure "Gods will".

Then I started thinking..... hang on a minute,..... what a wonderful mother i would make  . I started to consider the news stories about parents that abuse their children, hurt their children and don't love their children (hence children being taken into care). I would never hurt or abuse my child! so is being childless.....Gods will

Infertility is a physical disease....is this God's will?, heart attacks, cancer, and other diseases that people suffer from. Is my loving God the type of God that gives people disease...... hmmmmm. Well I decided no. This is a human condition that doesn't originate in the God that I love. Why would someone who loves deliberately me hurt me. 

If illness was God's will, then why use medicine to treat illness and disease after all if the suffering or effects of illness and disease were intentional, surely it would be wrong to seek treatment and interfere in God's will.

If anything its God's will that IVF exist to help people have children!! Just like medicines and discoveries that help fight disease and other hardships that we face.

I have slowly accepted that lots of bad things happen to really good people ( after all Jesus was murdered for being a loving person sharing a message of good news).

So is it possible that infertility like so many other health conditions is just part of the human condition. Its just one of those things that affects people equally.....and doesn't translate to me being a good or bad person.

I know lots of lovely people who have fertility problems, and lots of *not* very nice people who have children, sometimes many children who they don't look after or appreciate  !!

I used my faith to help keep me strong and guide me to a solution that would be right for me,..... be it adoption or being able to have a child, or just be able to come to terms with my situation and trust that God would hear my prayers, understand my suffering and support me through it.

I honestly found it hard to trust God, as I had a lot of deep seated notions that I wasn't loved, appreciated or valued, as one of his children, since I was having such a rough go of things. But I kept praying, eventually praying to "trust him and that he would look after me".

That's exactly what happened, and if I didn't have my little girl, I think a solution would have unfolded that would have equally given me a family, taken care of me, and relieved the pain of infertility.

My relationship with what I call " God" is of course personal to me, but I hope in sharing this, you can get an insight into the struggle of infertility in relation to faith that I experienced

I pray for you to find what you need to find, in your own exploration of your faith.

Please rest assured that you are loved.

Your heavenly father loves you, wishes you no harm, and is walking with you and understands your pain.   

LOL Gen, xOx


----------



## sabah m

Thanks for those lovely words Gen! 

I have just started final tx, FET cycle with my last 2 frosties. Just been for prayer at my church and although I wanted prayer for it to work, my main focus was to get through this time without falling apart, without the stress that can affect our bodies. I am blessed I have a DS but this is my last chance for a sibling for him which makes me more desperate than when I was childless. Anyway, the prayer has really made me feel God does love me, I have not had BFN's because he doesn't love me. They asked me to do a symbolic act of throwing off all the things that are upsetting me right now at the cross, disappointment, fear, hurt, etc. For once I really felt it helped and helped re-centre me. This is something I need to do daily to keep a healthy mindset.

popsickles-really hope you are ok,    been thinking of you.

Ladies please pray for me, I really want to cope ok with this cycle, come what may at the end of it xxxxx


----------



## Flutterbubble

Helloo ladies, I have just joined FF this week, am on the Oxford Fertility Unit board and Jan/Feb cycle buddies board so far, the more I look through this site the more amazed I am at the amount of love and support available.

Popsicle - I read your post and could sincerely feel your pain   , I too was angry at the God of my understanding when I discovered we could not have children, but soon come to the conclusion that it is not God's will that I am infertile, it is my body which is flawed, poorly, that's all, I will do what I can to help bring along a pregnancy and pray for the best possible outcome but there are no guarantees and ultimately, even if it does not feel like it right now.... with God's help, even if I do not ever get to be a mum  ,  I pray      I will come to accept this and still manage to find joy and purposefulness in life and keep an open mind for other ways of caring and loving those around me.  I wished I could find the right words to comfort and help you find some hope...then I read Gen's wonderful post and I see someone has already found them  

I will keep remembering everyone on this site in my prayers and everyone else out there negotiating similar difficult paths .    

Love, serenity, peace much much  hope to you all


----------



## LJyorkshire

Ladies

I found myself drawing closer to God during treatment then pushing him away again when I got a BFN as my prayer had been "if it is your will that I be a mother then bless me with a child" and finding out I was not pregnant was just so, so hard....

I have found amazing support on this board and wrote a poem at Christmas for some FF's who had suffered BFN's, miscarriages etc just before Christmas. I thought I'd share it with you as although it is not a prayer I hope it will give some comfort that you are not alone

LJ x

Sister

Sister, wear your badge with pride.

You are the bravest amongst women.

Again and again

you prise open the tight knot of fear

to let in a shaft of hope

and again are destroyed

And when the scars start to heal,

with a knife or a needle or vial

you rip yourself apart.

You open yourself up,

in the hope you will heal

The enemy you fight

is the one that lies within,

the body that fails you

is the one that will save you.

You fight and survive

The daily sorrows

of children laughing,

babies crying

and stranger's bumps

are nothing compared to this

In the firing line,

the hope extinguished

or kept alive

by a line on a stick

or a flickering screen

In your darkest hour,

you are not alone;

when you're on your knees,

we will kneel beside you

listen to your cries,

wipe away the tears

When you have no fight left in you

we will not judge you

and another tomorrow

a sister will fall

and you will pick her up

for that is how we're made

So sister wear your badge with pride

for you are the bravest amongst women

you are the strongest of women.

You are a mother fighting for her child.

Lisa Johnson

25/12/11


----------



## Tommi

Lisa, that is stunning. I'm crying my eyes out   but it is such a lovely poem. 
I read this thread but haven't posted yet. Just wanted to say what a wonderful poem and what a very great talent you have.
Txx


----------



## Flutterbubble

Oh Lisa, such beautiful and inspired words. 
Thank you so much for sharing them.


----------



## sabah m

I agree Lisa, definitely something we can all agree with, thank you for putting so eloquently!!


----------



## popsickles1

Hi girls may I ask for you're prayers my dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer today x x x


----------



## Piriam

Hi ladies,

how are you all doing? 

popsickles - sorry to hear about your dad.     

I've got a 2nd early scan on thurs, hoping & praying for better news.


----------



## Flutterbubble

Popsickles, what sad news ,  you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## LJyorkshire

Popsickles - praying for your Dad

Piriam - hope everything is perfect on the scan

LJ x


----------



## Piriam

Hi Ladies,

How are you all doing?

I had my 3rd early scan today, saw the hb & baby's measuring 7wks & 5days    next scan will be dating scan at end of the month, hoping & paying all continues to go well.


----------



## natsy

I just had my egg collection yesterday and am struggling with my emotions. I wanted as many embryos as possible to increase our chances of having a family but I am also worried about having unused embryos left over.

Then today I got the call that after 24 hrs there are only 5 embryos. I was really disappointed (considering my antral follicle count before stims was about 28 I was expecting more). 

I was praying before the collection but I was also thinking 'How can God answer my prayers if the Vatican says what I am doing is wrong?'. I feel so confused and I want to turn to God for support but I am worried that he will not answer my prayers if he does no agree with what we are doing. 

Does anyone else feel this way? Will God answer my prayers and give us a baby through IVF? Or will he punish me for creating embryos that may never live?


----------



## Wraakgodin

Natsy, I am not Catholic (I am CoE) so I can´t answer specific questions about your branch of Christianity.

I don't think God is vengeful, I think God is loving and compassionate. He put people on this planet with the dedication, intelligence and imagination to come up with cures and ways of helping people with all sorts of medical issues, whether it be things like cancer, transplants, or fertility issues. People talk about fertility treatment as if these doctors are "playing God" - well, the same could be said for the ones that cure illnesses. But that is just my opinion.

Here is a thread called "moral implications of IVF" where members have also discussed this issue - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=249910.0

And here is an old post called "Catholic ladies?" - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=131309.0 , perhaps reading those will give you insight on what other ladies in your position feel and have gone through.

Sorry, wish I could help more.

Sue


----------



## Flutterbubble

Sue - you are a very special lady all around  

Natsy - I strongly believe God isn't punishing you   or any of us ladies on this miracle quest   , God is always there to listen to our prayers and support and guide us on our journey, I certainly spent a good time consulting with God in prayer and meditation if IVF was right thing for me, luckily my Vicar was very kind and supportive with the same views on Tx as Sue posted above. As  a good friend of mine often says , "God always answers our prayers , sometimes the answer is Yes , other times No, other times Maybe or Not Yet , the important thing is to keep the relationship going and continue seeking guidance and trusting regardless of the answer   " God loves you I am certain of it !!


----------



## Wraakgodin

schnapsdrossel, are you stalking me??!!    

Sue


----------



## Flutterbubble

nah it is a real Godincidence Sue


----------



## sabah m

Please pray for me ladies...5dp6dt.....I will not test today as know early testing is just causing me grief this time!!! Feeling a little more positive today but past 2 days just had awful feeling this hasn't worked     It is our last try, everthing has gone well so far.  DH wants this baby, previously he did tx just for my sake and it has been a recurrent issue in our marriage     I just feel like it would be so cruel for it not to work this time.  Does God really answer prayer or is it all just biology and consequences of our own choices and sin I get so muddled, at times i am totally strong in my faith and know God is here sat right besides me cuddling me, willing it to work, but then i read a scripture about God not necessarily answering prayer but listening to it and changing our heart to understand why he is saying No....I know I will come to understand but I don't want it to be a no!


----------



## natsy

The tww is a crazy time emotionally isn't it Sabah? I had my transfer the day after you and have been wondering when I should test. My OTD is 23/02 but I don't know if I will make it til then!

I am sure God will listen to our prayers and grant our requests when the time is right. I know that waiting for a child is so hard and I just have to remind myself 'God's delays are not God's denials'. We will be mums one day - and hopefully it will be soon. 

I am praying every night to St Gerard and I will include you in my prayers.

It is great that we have this forum so we can ask others to help us work out how our beliefs and IVF can fit together. 

Schnapsdrossel and Wraakgodin, your posts were of great comfort to me. Thanks.


----------



## Flutterbubble

Hello ladies AF seems to be here , my OTD is tomorrow   
Now praying for acceptance of this outcome, please think of me in your prayers if you can .
Much love and God's blessings to you all


----------



## sabah m

schnaps- I am so so sorry    God please make clear Your hand in all this what seems like senseless heartache.  Bless schnaps and her family over the next few weeks so your love envelopes them and takes away the hurt and disappointment at this time.  You have our future mapped, Psalm 23 The Lord's my shepherd, I will not want....be all that this family needs right now, In Jesus name Amen xxx


----------



## Flutterbubble

Sabah - Amen , and thank you for your wonderful prayer xx God bless you


----------



## Wraakgodin

Schnaps – I don´t mind!  I can think of weirder people on FF to be stalked by!!   Sending you huge hugs.  

Sabah – I think that is why my relationship with God isn´t what is used to be, I had all these “why me?” and “why am I being punished?” thoughts, and although it was only a fleeting phase, my relationship with God hasn´t really recovered to what it was before.  My forum name is the Dutch version of Nemisis, the goddess of retribution, chosen when I was in that phase.  My 20 year old DSD puts me to shame, she has been through so much in her young life, much more than I have, and she has found such comfort and strength in God.  

natsy – good luck on the 23rd!  Just keep busy, try to occupy your mind on other things, as much as you can (I know it is difficult!)  

Sue


----------



## sabah m

Sue-I had a hard time trusting God loved me, till very recent prayer-2 weeks ago!!! I had delayed IVF to go on a mission trip to India earlier this year and did a lot of fundraising....my visa was severely delayed and i could not go!  I was furious with God, like I was willing to make this sacrifice to be with Him, away from my son and he didn't want me......what I realised is that He has been right here all along.  Sitting next to me, cuddling me, wanting to take the pain away.  Its hard to understand and I know I would be saying words quite differently today if I hadn't got my BFP, but I felt foolish today I had shunned Him for quite a lot of time over the past few years when He always wanted to bless me.  He may not have blessed me with a baby, I have AF cramps now and am praying all is ok, but I think this time through this cycle I have felt closer to Him in general because I let Him in.  


I don't think we can ever make sense of infertility and so many childless loving people, we will ask HIM about that when we meet Him, but else do we have if we don't have Him to hold on to during the low periods xxxx


----------



## Flutterbubble

Sabbah - what you say is so very true , I am feeling closer to God than ever just now     I too was angry with God when I first found out I couldn't have children naturally   I think it is my human nature to seek out someone or something to blame, but it is my spirituality that teaches me acceptance and forgiveness . In Ashes Service at church today I brought home a new meaning for " you have come from dust and to dust you shall return " my body's journey is finite, my body's functioning ability in all aspects and even that of bearing children is also finite but the journey for my soul isn't, it will continue infinitely, that means I will have plenty of time to understand God's chosen path for me during the long journey ... 
Of course I will keep hoping for a BFP and will listen to the consultants' advice and if they advise tX i will try again, but I have stopped asking for it in my prayers, I am just praying for acceptance of God's will for me, whatever that is, I am finding I am more at peace that way  


xxx


----------



## cfb107

I know this topic hasn't been posted in in a long time, but I thought it was worth saying hello and I am a Christian. If there are any others out there at the moment, I would love to hear from you, as gosh gosh gosh am I scared. We are just about to start IVF #1.


----------



## Wraakgodin

Hi Cfb107!!!!

Good luck! I will have everything crossed for you!!!

               

No need to be scared, it is more the fear of the unknown, but there are many many people here who have been through it and will be able to offer help and advice when you need it.

Here are a couple of links for you (not sure if you have already come across these sections) -

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Diaries (you can read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE

Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - CLICK HERE

Sue


----------



## cfb107

Thanks for your advise Wraakgoblin, and for the bit about your beliefs in your other post


----------



## pepperoni

Hi cfb  

just wanted to wish you luck for your journey and dito what wraakgoblin said. The whole process of IVF can be quite daunting, I felt completely nervous at the start of our first treatment, but it really is that fear of the unknown. You have found FF friends though and the ladies you will meet on here are truely amazing. The support is priceless - it really helps when you have a worry about something to find others in exact same position as you and feeling the same. 

Hoping and praying for your miracle
pepper xxx


----------



## cfb107

Pepperoni we would call a son Samuel - I'm guessing for the same reason as you (noticed your sig!!). I love to notice things like that!! Thanks so much for the support.


----------



## Ruthyshimona

Hi all,

just wanted to introduce myself! I've just joined and I'm still feeling a bit over whelmed by all the places to post ect... 
I'm a Christian and so I thought I'd come and say hi!!   I'm currently on FET cycle as my 1st IVF resulted in OHSS, with 19 embryos frozen at fertilization. I'm really struggling with my nerves, I'm going back to the hospital on Monday as my womb lining was to thin on Thursday 16th Aug (5mm) really hope it has thickened up. The embryologist says because we have 19 embryos they want to do 5 day blasts? From what I've read that seems like a good option? Just praying the embryos develop   

Lots of love  and I pray that a miracle is moving closer to you ever day     

Ruth


----------



## cfb107

It's great to see this thread isn't dead! Hi Ruth!!!


----------



## pepperoni

It is really lovely to see some people back on here. Samuel has such a special meaning behind the name - as does Isaac. I'm already trying to find some names that are equally as meaningfull. 

Ruth sending lots of prayers for your lining and that you little embies do well. We had a day 2 transfer on our first cycle as we only had 2 embies doing well. With this cycle we still had 12 on day 5 which was such a miracle. They like to leave the embies to day 5 if you have good numbers as they will have a much clearer idea as to which ones are the front runners and most likely to continue to do well once transferred back. Keep us updated on how things are going

xxx


----------



## cfb107

Pepperoni our names are Samuel - 'God heard', and after the story in the OT, which I had in my Bible reading plan the same day as the appointment which referred us for IVF - and Nora, which means 'light'. 

Great choice of name my love  

Ruth I think you're in such a good position with your numbers of embryos. Even if some don't survive defrosting, you should still have lots and lots


----------



## cfb107

Hi girls, I thought I'd let you know we went to church for the first time in 5 weeks today! We went to the evening service coz there are fewer babies and pregnant women. And guess what? The talk was on infertility (specifically Abraham and how he struggled for so long and then was willing to give Isaac up for God). I feel so blessed!!! I guess He wanted us there tonight


----------



## Flutterbubble

Hi cfb and Ruth and Pepper , 

it is really nice to see sme posts on this thread again  Welcome new ladies you will find a lot of support here 

I have had 2 IVF TX with my own eggs and recently had FU consultation further to chemical pregnancy at last Tx and it is the end of the line for us with OE , the consultants believe that the embies degenerate after a few days which has been another shock on top of the initial IF shock   they suggest we consider DE and I am praying for God's guidance on this now .

Much love and God's blessings on your journeys , I will be praying for you 

schnaps


----------



## cfb107

Thank you Schnaps.

Sorry to hear about all your upheaval; DE have a great success rate don't they, so why not go for it  it must be such a shock to hear, but I don't think it's any different once you get your head around it... Just give yourself time to do that, and chat to God lots. 

When I was waiting to find out what funding we had got for IVF, which was a horrible nerve-wracking time, I spoke to a really lovely lady on the Infertility Network helpline who had had children with DE and DS and said it was JUST the same... Carrying the baby and feeling it kick made it feel just like 'hers' if you know what I mean.

If we could get funding for DE as easily as for PGD I would be tempted to go for that first as the success rates are so much higher (why is that?? weird huh!) so it seems like less heart-ache. The clinic have told us that if we do two cycles and don't produce viable embryos we will have to move on to donor eggs... Only problem is we couldn't afford to (so we'd move on to adoption then I think, barring a miracle!!), but I have to trust God that He will keep me safe & give me His grace to cope with all that comes our way.

Love and blessings for you


----------



## Ruthyshimona

Hiya, Pepperoni, cfb 107, Schnapsdrossel,

Thank you all for your encouragement, about my wee frostie embies 

Pepperoni,  Congratulations,Twins that's wonderful!! 

cfb 107, Praise God  what a great sermon for going back to church for, and good on you for going back! your encouraging me to go back too. That's good you have a late service, you know there is probably a late service around my area I'll need to have a look. 

Schnapsdrossel, thank you for the welcome, big hugs  Praying for the Lord to give you comfort and direction 

Thanks you all so much ladies, I've not spoken to anyone really about all this and it's so nice to be able to come on hear and feel part of a group who understands and is going through similar difficulties. Love to you all 

How's your day been ladies?

Update on my hospital appointment today; my womb lining is now 7.4mm  so they are thawing out the embies on Thursday and we'll hear what's happening on Friday    really praying they'll develop!!! it's taken 6 years to get to this point i'm so nervous! And God willing everything going well the transfer will be on Monday 27th August! I feel knackered with anxiety!!


----------



## cfb107

Ruth you should look for an evening service, they tend to have much fewer children in my experience.

That's great news about your womb lining! Well done!!!

Good luck embies!!! You have loads so I'm sure it will be fine. Gosh not long til your transfer now eh! It might not seem like it but this week will whizz past, you'll be at next monday before you know it xxx

I called the surgery earlier and my iron count is up, so I can start on Provera which is the first step for us. Still about three months to go though!!


----------



## pepperoni

Good evening lovely ladies   

cfb - great news on taking your first steps, it always feels good to feel like you have finally started on the journey. What an amazing sermon to hear on sunday! There have been a few times during our struggles that I have felt so uplifted by things like that, it always gives me so much courage and helps me feel at real peace when you feel that you have been so clearly spoken to like that. I really hope you will get the miracle that you are waiting for 

Ruth - what great news on your lining too, I will be saying lots of prayers for you and your embies on thursday...... you better let us know when your hear on friday! As cfb said, monday will then be here before you know it and you will be PUPO!! It is very difficult to talk to those who have not had to endure IF as no matter how hard they try they cannot truely understand and often say things they think are helpful but are actually very hurtful. I really struggled alot continuing with going to church before we had our DS but I found this amazing book called Hannahs Hope which really helped my faith and trust in the lord to grow.

Schnaps I am so sorry to hear about your failed cycles but I hope and pray that you will feel guided by the lord on what steps you should take next and we are all here to help support you however we can 

Love to everyone 
Pepper xxx


----------



## cfb107

We are very lucky in that our church is very big and full of students, so there are two services - the morning is very baby- and pregnant-woman mad, with lots of childcare etc, but the evening service is very relaxed and full of students and older people. So I guess we can keep going to that if the morning is too hard. My husband frustratingly likes going in the morning because obviously all of this doesn't affect him one jot!! So I feel like I am being a pain finding it too hard in the mornings.

Pepper I'm going to read all the books suggested on the christian book thread!!!!


----------



## sabah m

Dearest ladies


I pray God answers your prayers soon!  The Abraham and Isaac story brought much peace and fear in my life over the past 3 years....God did bless us when His time was right, I knew immediately when I got my BFP it was a boy and named him Isaac, now we have 9 weeks left till we meet him.  Your tears will not be in vain....God WILL answer, in His time frame.


I had lots of prayer at church as my faith was weak during this cycle, I was too scared to hope, so its really worth re connecting with church, they will be your strength when you are weak.


----------



## cfb107

Thank you for your encouragement Sabah! Congratulations on your BFP, that's amazing, praise God!!


----------



## NatalieP

Hey ladies

Can I join? My DH and I are waiting to start our first round of ICSI and are very excited (and just a little scared). 

I have been struggling with my faith since finding out we need fertility treatment and I have drifted from God. I am hoping to change that though and try to build my relationship with Him again. 

Nat xx


----------



## cfb107

Hi Natalie!!!

Yeah of course the more the merrier   when do you think your first round will be? We're just waiting now too and hoping for November according to clinic.

I've been so relieved to see on this thread how many of us struggle with our faith when we are diagnosed infertile... I felt like I was really ungrateful, bad Christian, etc etc. Have you checked out the thread in this section with book recommendations for Christians? 

Whereabouts in the country are you? We're in Loughborough (near Nottingham).


----------



## NatalieP

Hey cfb107

We are hoping our first round will be October but that depends on the next appointment, on the 13th September. 

I did have a quick nosy around at the books but not properly I need to go have another look. I was relieved to know others really struggled to, I went to spring harvest with my sunday school group (I lead I'm not one of the group lol) last April and they had a seminar on childlessness which was really helpful and I felt like others were in my position too. 

I am in Guildford, Surrey but I am a Northern at heart grew up in Yorkshire  

xxxxxx


----------



## cfb107

Oh cool you might get your round before us!!! Our protocol is sooooooooooo long, I have already started taking drugs for it! Crazy!

What kind of church do you go to? Is there a service you can go to that isn't aimed at the parents/childcare crew? Our church has an evening service mainly for teens and older couples and I find that easier.


----------



## NatalieP

I'm hoping for October, but I think it could slide into November, they were still waiting my amh results so couldn't give us a protocol although based on everything I should just be on the long protocol. It depends on my cycles and the appointment whether or not we get to have a go in October, we have waited over 18 months to get to this place but now were here I'm a little scared lol. 

We usually go to the evening service (well I say usually haven't been for a while). The evening service is usually quite contemporary which my Dh and I like. But I do have to go the morning services sometimes I help run the 11-14 Sunday School group and our home group is all married couples with children so I can't really escape from it. Just have to take a deep breathe and try to not let it overwhelm me.

xxxx


----------



## cfb107

Yeah our home group is all young married couples with young kids... Fun!!! We've had two pregnant women this year already, one is due any day.

I like the contemporary too . Our church is in a warehouse! We go to a Vineyard church.

I'm on short protocol so don't let that confuse you   it takes a long time because I have PCOS, don't get periods often, and they want me to have three periods first. So I have to take Provera (now), then the Pill for a month, then another pill called Norethisterone before starting to stim. We've been waiting 18 months now too!!! I was so happy and excited for most of it, looking forward to doing it, but the minute we actually got to the clinic my anxiety really kicked in


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## NatalieP

Gosh that is a long protocol then! Luckily my hormone levels are all good and my major problem is hydro in both tubes and MF. 

I have never been to a Vineyard church although I have heard a lot about them. Our church seems to have had a baby boom of late which has been a bit tricky. My problem is jealousy when it comes to kids and bumps I can't seem to help it a huge case of the green eyed monster happens lol., 

I think anxiety is normal though after waiting so long it really builds it up. 

xxxx


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## cfb107

We ended up at our church by mistake really   - it's a half an hour drive away. My hubby wasn't a christian when we met, and he didn't really come along to the local church I went to. But with my home group at that church I went on a trip to the new church one Sunday evening, thought hubby would like it so we went back, and he loved it, so after 6 months we decided to start going there properly. Been there 18 months now.

The jealousy is sooooooooo normal, I don't know a single woman who doesn't get that. It's awful isn't it! Makes me feel like such a terrible person. Our church is huuuuuuge so there are billions of pregnant women everywhere, especially in the morning. And tiny babies, nursing women, and so on. My hubby gets really broody and excited looking at them, I'm like 'are you for real?' It hurts me so much every time we sit behind a baby and it smiles at us.

How did you guys end up in Guildford?


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## NatalieP

I was the same as your hubby my DH is a Christian and I wasn't he got me going to church and I was just like wow I know what was missing from my life   

I hate the jealousy like you said it makes me feel so bad, our church is rather large to I sometimes wonder what it would be like to go to a little one, but I think I like the worship as a large group. 

My DH got a really good job here and we couldn't turn it down, miss been up North though my DH is from Oxford so were not near either family which is a shame but we cope, made some good friends.

xxx


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## cfb107

I wasn't brought up a Christian, I became a Christian at 22 and it was immediately like OMG WHAT IS THIS I NEED THIS!!!!! LOL!

I like the worship as a large group too. The church I went to before was small and I definitely like the big church more  

We're near hubby's family here but not mine - I don't like my family much though (to be blunt!) so I don't mind at all!!! In fact I'd hate to live near them. Love OH's family, they're gorgeous; so different to mine. His sister does have 3 kids though which is hard.


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## NatalieP

Yeah my Dh sister has two kids, the second came along just as we were seeking help from the GP which was hard as I know she was only trying 4 months before she got pregnant but obviously on this path for a reason. I think it's always hard when others are pregnant around you I don't think that will ever change unless you hold your own child and maybe even then that feeling will stay. But we are blessed with niece's and nephews and we have to count ourselves fortunate for that, some people have no family at all. 

xxxx


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## cfb107

This is very true, and I feel SO LUCKY with my in-laws given how things are with my biological family (who don't approve of me being a Christian, among other things). My in-laws aren't Christians but they are so supportive in everything. Our nieces are gorgeous and were bridesmaids at our wedding   they are honestly 3 of the prettiest little girls I have ever seen. Just love being an aunt - but in a way that makes it harder if you know what I mean. Last weekend we saw the littlest (she's 3) and she was being dead snuggly and cute with me; getting me to give her attention, play with her, and read her books, for about 3 hours! I loved it but afterwards felt wiped out with sadness about it all.


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## NatalieP

I'm sorry about your family that must be hard. I don't have anything to do with my biological father but have a great step-dad which makes up for it  

I know what you mean about your nieces ours are we have two nephews who are 4 and 16months and a niece who is 13 months and they are beautiful I love them so much. We are seeing two of them this weekend and it's always hard I always leave feeling emotional wrung out and sometimes just have to have 10 minutes to pull myself together when they are about. But I am grateful for them and we are very blessed as a family to have them and I thank the LORD for that. Just wish I could have one to.

xxx


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## cfb107

One day we will both have that and be better mums for it  

I have an awesome step-mum too   actually get on with her and my half-brother really well, but not really with my parents or other brother. My step-mum used to be a christian (she lost her faith after she met my dad, says a lot about him!!!) so i think she understands more.

Good luck with seeing them this weekend. I think it is really powerful when we don't let our fears and sadness get in the way of enjoying the blessings we do have   every time you choose to enjoy them, you are pleasing God I reckon   he sees your braveness.


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## NatalieP

Thanks hun, I hope I'm pleasing God as my faith is a huge struggle.

xxxx


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## cfb107

Don't worry hun, it will get better. For all of us this time will past and one day it will be a memory, but God will still be there


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## NatalieP

Thanks hun 

xxx


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## Ruthyshimona

Hiya all, 

Sorry no been on sooner, loads of stressors! 
Good news though! The hospital phoned and all 4 of the frozen embryos  developed!!!  
So day 2 embryos - 2 at 3 cells, 1 at 4 cells and 1 at 5! PRAISE THE LORD! 
Go in tommorow for ET! 

Love to all! 

I'll try and catch up with y'all ASAP! God bless you xxxxxx


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## cfb107

Ruthy!!!!! Thanks for updating us!!! That's amazing!!!!!!!!!  

Good luck tomorrow, looking forward to hearing how you get on xxxxx


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## Ruthyshimona

Hiya,

went in for ET yesterday, 2 embryo's stopped developing 1 was good quality and 1 not so good quality. We put them both back in, i'm trying to rest but have a feeling it's not worked. I feel nothing no twinges nothing! I just keep praying!! Love to you all, prayers for your success and a BFP for you all!!!


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## cfb107

Good luck Ruthy! Keeping all my FX and saying all my prayers for you  

Big hugs... xxxxxxxxxx


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## NatalieP

Hey everyone

I am wanting to start reading my bible again (I have been a bit lax) and I want something that can speak to me about what I'm going through any recommendations?

Nat xx


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## cfb107

Natalie - Have you seen this thread, it might give you some good ideas: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=272128.0
Brilliant that you are reading your Bible again, hoping to get there myself in the next few days, am doing a 'Bible in One Year' plan and am only a couple of months off the end, want to keep going, but have to keep having breaks recently as I don't feel 'right' with God about all this if you get me...

Ruthy - How are you doing sweets? Been waiting to hear news from you, hope all is going well. Sending you    and


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## NatalieP

Thats my problem cfb I just don't feel right with God at the moment but I miss that connection and that positivity of my faith. Starting with the Sunday school kids again at the weekend so I need to put more of an effort in with my own faith if I am going to help them with theirs. 

Thanks for direction to the books think I will be buying some of them! 

Did you enjoy the bible in a year? 

Nat xxx


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## cfb107

Yeah I'm really enjoying it, I've been doing it since September last year, and have managed to keep up with it well apart from the last few months where it's spaced out a bit. I figure even if it takes me two years, that's a whole lot more Bible this year than I ever read before  it's the Soul Survivor one and I'd really recommend it if you're interested in doing one, it's been a great comfort and support... On the day we were finally referred for PGD, I had Hannah's story at the beginning of 1 Samuel - how perfect is that 

Good luck in Sunday school, you're very brave; I couldn't do anything like that at the moment xxx


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## helenj33

Morning ladies,

I've just joined this board as am really struggling with things atm.  Had yet another pg announcement thrust in my face last night and it just felt like the last straw - feel so useless.

Over the summer at church there was a theme of 'women in the Bible'.  It was really interesting but the after looking at Sarah and then Hannah I could hardly hold myself together.  Part of me felt that it was just telling me I need to have faith and patience.  Part of me felt like it was another kick in the teeth as even the 90 year old women can manage to get pg and I can't!

My homegroup kicks off again this evening after a break over the summer and I'm thinking of telling the group.  We pray for each other (obv lol) anyway, and they're also praying about some difficult work-related things for me at the moment, but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone about all of this.  I really do feel like I'm going a bit mad with it at the moment, and I'm only on clomid!

Anyway, I have definitely rambled enough for an introduction (oops).  Looking forward to getting to know you all x.


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## cfb107

Hi Helen,

We had our first homegroup after summer break this Wednesday and it was good to see everyone but hard! They know all our issues and I must have said 'I just want a viable embryo' (due to genetic condition) about 20 times to one of the ladies, felt a little crazy. We're just about to start our first IVF cycle, I have PCOS and a chromosome translocation. I do find it really helpful that they know and I can talk about it, but then I am the sort of person who would tell any and every one!!!

One of the women just had her third baby and wasn't there, so there was a lot of praying for her, the baby, and the family, which I found hard. I'm SURE one of the other woman is pregnant with her second - although maybe it's my paranoid brain making it up. Churches are difficult places to be infertile but I have to say I think all the massive benefits of being part of a church outweigh this difficulty, even though it can feel overwhelming.

It's not pregnancy or infertility related but I'm almost done with a book called 'Battlefield of the Mind' by Joyce Meyer & if you've not read it I'd really recommend it, it's really helping me find peace at the moment. There's also a thread of books related to infertility and Christianity here if you are interested:http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=272128.0

Hope things get a bit better for you soon. My mum also had PCOS and conceived me on clomid btw!


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## NatalieP

Hello ladies

Our homegroup started back this week to and they know about the ICSI and I found it so helpful talking to them about it all and knowing that people are praying for us just feels so humbling. 

I think church's are such a family place that they can be quite hard to deal with with when you have IF my DH and I took a break from going over the summer just to get away from it all. 

A few different people at our church knows and we have some amazing support and some amazing people praying for us which I find so helpful to know, it also enables us to be able to turn to the church for support when things get really hard to be in a family as it were. 

MY DH was also a clomid baby too. 

xxx


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## helenj33

Always good to hear about some clomid successes - thanks for those!  Also thanks for the tip about the book thread.  I was having a scout around on there last week and have ordered Hannah's Hope, so fingers crossed it arrives today.  I've also just ordered a 'Bible in a year' Bible (there must be a technical term for that lol).  I've very erratic with Bible reading and really would like to get back into a proper routine with it, so this seemed like it would encourage me.

I think I would benefit from speaking to someone at church about it, but I don't know where to start.  I ended up not saying anything at homegroup again.  I want to talk to people, but I don't feel like I can without completely breaking down.  I know people are praying for me though (in a general sense, and about work) so it's nice to have that support, even if they don't know the details.  The other people in my homegroup are a bit older than me and all started their families younger - so even though there's only 10-15 years between us, they all have grown-up children.  Makes me feel even more like I've missed my chance.

I think sometimes it's difficult as my OH isn't a Christian so I obviously go to church without him.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say today.


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## NatalieP

helen   

Sounds to me like your feeling very lost and isolated. Talking can be so helpful and letting people around you know can be a great support. 

I am involved in the sunday school at our church and I told the youth worker (I don't even know why I told him think it just came out lol). He was so supportive he asked me if he could tell the curate who came round to our home and talked to us and prayed with us. As for our  home group, I think they knew something was wrong and we kinda go round and ask everyone how they are and I just started crying (so embarrassing lol) but they were lovely and are one of our biggest supports now. We even found out one of the women in our home group had been through IVF and has two adopted children which helped. 

Is there someone at church you know well like the curate? Could you ask someone to pray with you after the service and explain what is going on? 

xxxxx


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## helenj33

NatalieP said:


> Sounds to me like your feeling very lost and isolated.


I think you've summed it up there, that's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I know some (maybe a lot) of it is down to clomid which definitely isn't helping my mood.

I've only been at this church for about 10 months, but they've all been so welcoming and everyone is really friendly so I'm sure I can find someone to have a chat with. Hopefully next time I'm at homegroup I'll be a bit braver and actually say something.

I'm glad you're finding a lot of support from your church, I hope everything works out for you xx.


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## NatalieP

Yeah the clomid is probably not helping your mood. 

Go out and do something to spoil yourself.

Good luck sweetie. 

xxx


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## cfb107

Hi *Helen*, how are you doing? Have you started Bible in a Year yet, or Hannah's Hope? Have you found either helpful? I've not read Hannah's Hope, got a few weeks left to go before cycle 1 so might order it. Got so much I want to read before our cycle though!!!

My hubby wasn't a Christian when we met and wasn't for the first few years of our relationship, but then found a church he liked last year, did an alpha course after a few months of going, and announced he was now a Christian! I was blown away, it was one of the most special moments of my life. That was almost a year ago - since then we joined our small group together (it started out of the alpha course) and it's been amazing to watch his faith deepen. He did start from having believed in God all his life though (I didn't - my parents are agnostic, and my grandad was a vicar who lost his faith young and left the church when my dad was small, so I never had any kind of faith before my 'come to Jesus' moment). However, he's a research scientist, and I never saw him subscribing to any form of religion - he was perfectly content without church or Jesus or any of that. So I guess what i'm trying to say is, I kinda understand a bit - I found it hard going to church without him. And I always felt like he thought my need for a belief structure (beyond an abstract belief) was weak or unnecessary. An older friend's hubby became a Christian after they'd been married 13 years ish... I found it really hard to let go and trust God with my hubby; once I found faith I wanted to marry a Christian but God had other plans!! I still find certain things hard as he is very reserved so won't pray with me or even really talk about God unless we are at small group - I'd like to be sharing encouraging verses and laying hands on each other!

*Natalie* - how are you doing? Do you know your stim dates? I reckon we might be cycle buddies (ish) - I start stims around October 22nd (not DR-ing). It's amazing someone in your home group had IVF, God really puts the right people in place doesn't He... I've been amazed how many people we know of who've been through it who I would never have known about before.


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## NatalieP

Hello everyone

*cfb* That's amazing about your dh God I think always finds people and alpha courses are amazing! We did one about 18 months ago and loved it, and our home group was also 'born' from the alpha course which was great as it meant we have people in the group at all different stages of faith. It takes time I think to be able to pray with some and laying hands on each other, give him time to explore his faith and feel comfortable with himself. I always felt uncomfortable praying out loud, and even though I do it now I still feel slightly awkward and much prefer praying silently to myself. 
As for me I don't know when I start stimming d/r starts on 5th October and I get my full tx plan on 2nd October but I think our dates will be pretty close  It is amazing how many people have IF troubles, it seems to be such a taboo subject and it's never discussed so you don't know who is struggling with it.

*Helen* How you doing? Did you manage to speak to someone?

As for me I'm fine excited to be getting started soon. The Sunday School kids have been keeping me busy and I had them all this morning. The only thing I am struggling with is Christenings. Our church does the Christenings in the morning service before the Sunday School kids have gone out to there groups which means we have to sit through it. It breaks my heart everytime and it makes me feel so empty watching this little family and there baby. Makes me think about what I might not ever have what I might miss out on.

xxxx


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## cfb107

*Natalie* - That's so funny that we are both at small groups born out of alpha courses!!! I love that we have people at all stages of faith too. What kind of church do you go to? We go to a Vineyard church.

It must be hard with christenings - our church doesn't do christenings, it does dedications every so often but they're pretty quick. There are loads of babies in our church & I find it hardest seeing all the pregnant women & new babies, wondering if it will be me. I've been feeling more secure recently that God loves me and only has good things for me; however things work out I believe that it will be for the best in the long run, even if I can't see it at first. One of my favourite verses is Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." I've been through a lot in life and sometimes I ask "why me?" and get cross with Him, but most of the time I just feel grateful for all that I have at the moment, for all the opportunities He's given me, and see the meaning in the things I have been through. When I get the "why me?" times I try just to let myself feel them and be honest with God about where I am. But it's painful to feel the stuff when it comes up, I try hard to avoid it, lol!

It's not infertility related but I've been reading a book called 'Battlefield of the Mind' by Joyce Meyer recently (sorry if I've mentioned this before!) and have found it really helpful, it's really easy to read and has addressed a lot of how I've been feeling with God this year. Would really recommend it!


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## helenj33

*cfb* - thank you so much for sharing about your husband, it's so good to hear about other couples who've started in a similar way. My OH couldn't be less interested in God or religion so far... but I guess God has managed harder conversions than that before 

I have started the Bible in a year and Hannah's Hope and am finding both really helpful. I don't necessarily agree with everything in HH but it really is helping me to think about things differently. The parts on bitterness have really been speaking to me the last few days as I was definitely in danger of heading down that road. At church we've just started a big focus on healing (obv. this was always important, but we're looking at it in more detail now) and this is really helping too. I've no idea whether God's plans for me include a baby or not, but I do trust that they'll be the best for me, and that he'll give me peace whatever happens. That's a big step forward from the last few months.

*Natalie* - hope things are ok with you. Best of luck for the cycle when it gets going. That book sounds good, another one to add to the 'things to read' list. I know what you mean about christenings. Ours are done in the service too and there's never any warning they're going to happen, so no chance to get myself psyched up for them. Are there a lot of children in your Sunday school? Part of me would like to get involved with something like that (I had a dream last night I was a brown owl  ) but I don't really know where to start.

Will be praying for you both x.


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## cfb107

*Helen* - Although my hubby had a faith, he was very private about it (his parents aren't Christian, what happened was that at age 11 he watched an episode of Dr Who that scared him, so he prayed, and started praying every night, saying thanks to God for all he has... So he's believed in God since then), and really, really suspicious of religion - couldn't see what it had to do with his kind of faith - so it really, REALLY surprised and amazed me when he said he was Christian. He's very introverted and hates any kind of club or organised activity, and he's also really clever, so I knew he really had to see something in it to want to go to church and call himself a Christian, it massively encouraged my faith. I had a friend at uni who called himself the Devil's best friend, and is now a full-on Church-goer (met a Christian girl) - miracles really do happen! As for me, my best friend at uni was a Christian and I had absolutely no interest and spent my whole time getting sloshed and sleeping around, I'm sure she totally despaired of me, but then when tough times came I was much more open to the idea of faith because I'd known my best friend and (at least on some level!) listened to her stories. I think God reaches people in the ways that are right for them, and it doesn't always look like what we are told at church. You never know what impact you're having on your OH, even though nothing might seem to be changing. With my hubby I found I couldn't talk to him about it all, because he got so defensive, so I just left it up to God!

When you say


> I've no idea whether God's plans for me include a baby or not, but I do trust that they'll be the best for me, and that he'll give me peace whatever happens


 that sums up where I am at the moment, you put it beautifully. I really hope I can stay in this place because I don't like the place of doubt and fear very much at all!!!


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## NatalieP

*cfb* We attend just a normal C.O.E Every time we go to a certain christmas service I think this time next year I will be pregnant I will have a baby but it never seems to happen. I think why me a lot too I think we all do at times, I like that verse. One of my favourites at the moment is 'Put your troubles on the Lord's shoulders, he'll carry your load, he'll help you out' Psalms 55:22.
I love the Dr Who thing it's amazing what can turn you to the Lord. He sounds like my dh being introvert and clever etc, I was like you at uni I'm afraid and I wasn't with my dh back then but he was my best friend and I think he despaired over me but he changed my life when we finally got together and I became a Christian then.

*Helen* Things are ok with me, getting very excited and a little scared about it all now. 11 days till I start down regulating. There are a few kids there are 5 different Sunday School groups at our Church and I help to lead the 10-14 year olds which is so much fun and quite challenging. We have them on a Sunday morning and do a home group type thing with them every other Tuesday, then take them away to spring harvest and have socials etc. It tiring and I am going to take a few weeks off when I really get into this cycle just to breathe and take time out. My friend was leading the group before me and she was desperate for more volunteers and I was just kinds of sucked in but I enjoy it. Go speak to the youth worker at your Church and say you would like to get involved. I'm glad I deal with the older kids though I don't think I would cope so well if it was the younger children. 
Christenings are just torture for me I just want to cry whenever there is one, if I wasn't doing the Sunday School I would just go to the evening service. As for God's plan I can't imagine not been a mother I can't imagine never getting to hold my own child. I think it would seriously affect my faith if that was the case.

xxx


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## helenj33

NatalieP said:


> As for God's plan I can't imagine not been a mother I can't imagine never getting to hold my own child. I think it would seriously affect my faith if that was the case.


I definitely go through stages where I think this too. I tend to vary between feeling quite strong and trusting it will all be ok, whatever happens (was having a good day the other day when I posted), or feeling rubbish and knowing that nothing other than a baby will ever make me happy.

Am really trying to have faith and patience but it's so difficult at times (well, most of the time tbh). At the moment am trying to just focus on Bible study and spending more time with God rather than just desperately praying for a baby.... it's more successful some days than others!


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## cfb107

*Natalie* - I am so with you, I've been to that place this year! I always assumed doing PGD (type of IVF we're doing) would work out for us, because God has been so clear (in a really unusual way for me!) about us doing it right since hubby and I met, before we were even engaged. I was quite naive about IVF and I thought if you just have enough goes, eventually it will work for everyone, and as our PCT offers unlimited funding for PGD, I assumed that meant we'd definitely get a baby. How naive!!! Earlier this year as we approached IVF I learnt a little more and realised this is not the case!!! Then I was like "Geeez, God has been specific about all this, if it doesn't work out, I don't think I'll have a faith any more". I also worried I literally might not be able to recover emotionally or even carry on living if we couldn't have a child (I've struggled with depression before).

I did a lot of soul searching since then and realised sometimes we are asked to do things for the things we will learn along the way and not the outcome, and if PGD doesn't work for us, it will still be in God's plan for us to do it, because who knows how different we will be for doing it? I also thought about things from a wider perspective and realised Jesus didn't have a baby or get married... I also thought about how lucky we are to have enough food every day, clean water, and so on (I don't want to come across as lecture-y, it's just what my thought process was), and how I don't actually need a child, and I really can trust God to fulfil all my needs and bless me with more besides. It's so hard because I think it is human nature to really *need* a child, if you know what i mean - it's biological! - but actually a study was apparently done that showed childless married couples are happier .

So now every day at the moment I am working on trusting God that even if we can't parent, biologically or adoptively, it will be for a really good reason, for my best, and God will really do something out of that. I am trusting He will do a work in me to change my heart about things if needs be - He has done before about other things, really big things. Now being childless isn't such a scary boogey-man, I can look at it much more rationally, and see how much more likely we are to have a child, whether it's biologically or adoptively. So really, 100%, I would recommend taking your fears to God and any other Christians, especially older Christians with a mature faith, that you trust. I have a vicar (at another church!) who I talk to about things - her daughter and two nieces have all faced infertility, 2 of them did IVF, which didn't work for one of them, and the other adopted - and she doesn't expect me to do wonders with my faith or anything (I don't get any trite 'You can trust God', 'Give it all to God', and so on, from her). She really allows me to feel the uncertainty and doesn't make me feel like I'm doing anything wrong for not being ok with it all, in fact she encourages me by saying how well I am doing with it all and how huge all of this really is. Also I have a Christian counsellor I see weekly, that was to help with my mental health initially (been seeing her two years), but it helps so much with this whole process now.

Sorry this is an essay but I've been thinking about your post all week, this year has definitely been the hardest year for me faith-wise, 100 million percent!!! (Been a Christian 5 years ish.) And I can so relate to what you say.

*Helen* - Ditto, varying between strong trusting days and rubbish doubting days!


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