# I told my mum about our situation - during a row :(



## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Last night I'd met my mum to go to the cinema and we had a really nice night.  She drove me home and I knew she wanted 'to have a chat' when she turned the engine off.  She asked me if I'd fallen out with my brother and wouldn't accept my answer that I hadn't fallen out with him. To give you some background, my relationship with my brother has been strained for a number of years due to various issues with my sister in law and also occassions where I have felt very let down my brother when, for example, he could have helped me with a situation by giving me 20mins of he time but he didn't.  Having said that we have all moved on and we get on fine but we are no longer close like we used to be and I know this upsets my mum.  My brother and his wife have recently become first time parents and I obviously had to listen to all the pregnancy moans, the constant baby chat etc and also my mum saying 'when will i get to be grandma for you' and 'you're such a natural' - the usual stuff that happens when a family baby arrives.  Me and my husband haven't told anyone about our issues although I had kinda thought that my mum had an inkling things weren't right as I have been so down recently and I've made the decision to get my fibriod evicted so we can then get referred to the fertility clinic.

Anyway, she kept questioning me and it was very apparent that she felt I was causing issues in the familyand that it caused her stress when we all met up.  She also said that everytime she mentions him that I make a polite response and then I change the subject.  She wouldn't let it go and she wouldn't accept my answers and I just eventually snapped, burst into tears and told her that she wasn't speaking about my brother but constantly speaking about the baby and that given that I was struggling to conceive that I found it hard to talk about.  She was upset that I hadn't discussed this with her previously and I was upset that I was forced to tell her  just to avoid seeing another family row erupting as she has always taken my brothers side for as long as I can remember.  I told her that we hadn't told anyone and that I didn't want to have this conversation. I then got out the car and ran up to my house.  I was so upset and cried my eyes out as we didn't want to tell anyone and I especially didn't want it to come out like this.  She text me when she got home to tell me she loves me and I just couldn't respond.  I feel a bit better this morning so I have text her back today to say that I don't want to fall out, that I'm just very upset, that myelf and DH didn't want to tell people yet and if I want to discuss it with her then I will let her know.  I also said that I dont' want her to tell anyone else.  I'm now in a situation where I don't know if I should tell DH that I have told her as we agreed it was between us and now I feel I've let him down too.

I'm so fed up and just wanted to rant and get it all down.  xxxx


----------



## Elf84 (Feb 16, 2012)

Honestly the best thing we did was to tell a few select people (family and friends)  we waited 2 years but it was the biggest burden ever removed. The 'when are you going to have a baby' questions stopped and if someone asked generally someone who knew jumped in and changed the subject.

Also when it came to our IVF, no one asked specifics but everyone let us know they cared.  It would have been so difficult doing it in complete secrecy.

Also we have a better relationship with dh's family but telling my own also helped.

Tell your dh, he'd understand and maybe it will help him to find someone to talk to about it all other than you  

Xx


----------



## aubergine07 (Oct 26, 2010)

Tell your DH.  Tell him what you have just told us, and I'm sure he will understand.  You're in this together, and you have to be honest with each other.

Good luck with everything.


----------



## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks Elf84 and Aubergine07 for posting back.  

I've spoken to my DH and told him what happened and he totally understood although he is worried that my mum might tell the rest of the family (although I'm confident she won't).  I don't think he will speak to anyone about it as he is a real man's man - even with me its not that he isn't supportive but I just don't think he knows what to say to me about this at times.

My mum also responded to my text and said she felt she understood me a bit better now and that she was there if I need her.  In a way it almost feels like a weight has been lifted as for months I've had to put on an act (albeit not a very good one) to try and be upbeat when all I've wanted to do is hide away.
xxx


----------

