# Getting in debt - for the sake of having a baby?



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Hi

As like many of you, I want a baby more than anything. So I am going to pursue more IVF treatments. I reallise now that this could involve me becoming in debt - maybe £10000 in debt. This would mean that I would be making payments on my credit card for up to five years - a payment of about £200. This is fine and dandy when im working and have not yet got a child, but I do worry about making these payments whilst I have a child and am not working. Especially considering there are other baby things to pay for and that I am single! 

Have any of you been in my situation?

Im I stupid with a capital S?


----------



## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

it's so difficult isn't it? 

Am not in your situation exactly as was lucky enough to have well paying job for several years before starting ttc so was able to pay for tx with savings. However 9 or so rounds of IVF both OE and DE and including lots of expensive immunes have completely wiped out all my savings and although I have been blessed with twins I am now wondering how I am going to be able to afford childcare if I work or the bills/mortgage etc if I don't   

I think pretty much all the singlies feel the financial pressure to some degree or another (but then so do a lot of couples, especially now where things are so tough economically)

Do you have good maternity provision at work? Family/friends who could help with childcare to keep your costs down when you go back to work after having a baby? It may not end up costing £10,000 - you will hopefully be luckier than I was!

Difficult decision to knowingly take on debt which you may not be able to pay off any time soon, but then again, if you want a baby more than anything, then perhaps it is a decision worth taking

So no, I don't think you're stupid at all, just faced, like so many of us, with some difficult decisions 
Hope you manage to work things out - remember there are benefits for those on low incomes with children - tax credits etc, perhaps have a look and see what you would be entitled to and work out whether it would be do-able...

Best of luck
Suitcase
x


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Thanks suitcase...its reassuring to hear that im not   by doing this.

I could afford to have a baby and look after him/her   its clearing the expected debt that could be the issue.

I will have to crunch the numbers a bit more me thinks!


----------



## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

2 bamum, I'd say go for it. Kids don't need money, not really, no one ever died from not having the must have trainers they just need love and sounds like that's what you want to offer. Don't waste a second longer worrying about money or you might end up too old to fulfill your dream like I have. Go for it and good luck


----------



## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

yep - definitely a very tricky one.
When I was about 33 and newly single, I worked out that although I wanted a child, I couldn't afford one if I stayed in my current job (an academic) in London. I mean, I could hardly keep myself! I was renting a room in a shared house, and couldn't save any money at all.
So I decided that I had to completely change my life. I did some financial planning about what would happen if I moved out of London and home to near my parents, what would happen if I changed job etc. I made a map of all possible options (including getting into debt until the child went to school etc) . I worked out that if I needed to pay for childcare 5 days a week, then I probably needed around 1K a month extra   , so I needed to work out how to do that. I have to say it was pretty scary!    Childcare is Expensive! The whole excercise made it very clear to me that to have a baby on my own, and not have a totally miserable life trying to pay for it, would mean taking Big Life Changing risks. 
For me, I ended up taking out a loan and going to business school, changed job (had to accept I would probably be doing something I didn't enjoy as much, but paid more) increased my salary by over 100%,(not that hard as I was paid so Little to strat with   ) , moved house to near my parents, and eventually felt able to support a child. 
Unfortunatley that took me Years! (about 4-5 by the time I paid off the loan). But it does mean I am a Lot more financially secure now. Being in a well paying (if a little boring) job with flexible hours and good maternity benefits, means that I am looking forward to enjoying time with my      soon to be with us child/ren.
The thing is, if you can work out how to save 1K a month, then whilst you don't have a baby, that 1K a month can be going towards treatment. Although I set out to change my income/expenditure in order to pay for a baby, so far all we have been doing is paying for treatment. Its not nice, its sometimes even gutwrenching, but (until we were forced to go down the de route) at least it was (almost) sustainable.

I suppose I took rather drastic action because I was in Such a Sh1t financial position to start with. Looking back I am not entirely sure it was the best descision because maybe if I had started tx earlier I wouldn't be needing donor eggs now... I'll just never know.  

But technology has moved on, so if you are thinking of planning more long term, you now have the option of freezing your eggs. maybe that could be one of your options while getting finances together? if you think this is an option then you ought to do it immediately so that you have the best chance of it working. It sounds like it would probably get you into debt just now (as it costs a couple of K to get to EC then freeze) but at least the finance will be under control.?

very much wishing you all the best
Elsie


----------



## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

Yep I have got in lots of debt- I had used credit card for treatment but kept up with paying the amount off between cycles until it became clear that it wasnt going to happen easily  and once I had to throw immune treatment into to the mix I am now in loads of debt and about to go on maternity leave. I am trying to be senisble about it- Ive been given lots of second hand baby stuff so I am not spending a fortune on that-its perfectly possible to make that cheapish!  Im not going to nct classes and cant pay for a doula or have the full amount of time off work- I am going to have to cope with not hiring a cleaner etc that I had planned to help after the birth but its not the end of the world.

I have absulutely no idea how I will cope with paying for childcare etc when I go back to work but I have got myself an interest free credit card and plan to surf them - the way i figure loads of people spend a fortune on foreign holidays clothes cars to get there debt and then go and get pregnant  so getting into debt to achieve my dream is just the way it is. Ill cope because ill have to !

What I did do was put some money away to pay for basic baby expenses that I wouldnt touch for tx (i did this by signing up to a regular saver for a year putting £50 a month away) sounds a bit mad as I did this whilst paying for tx on a credit card but it felt kind of more responsible.

My choice to have treatment abroad and use of anonymous donor was also lead by cost of it all.


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

We have some wise girls on FF! Thanks for the great advice.

I dont have any other debts such as car payments or mortgage ( I rent) So I could see this as an alternative debt to those.

It just is nerve racking that just by having two rounds of IVF I will be in debt for quite a few years. Heck knows what I will do if both those two times are unsuccessfull! Get into bigger debt or give up and waste and mourn the money which I just spent  

Any girls know where those euromillion lottery winners live? I hear they were giving money away


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

2bamum- I think like Suity says it is something that all the single girls (and many couples) doing IVF privately have to consider. I think the difficulty is setting targets and limits.  I had a friend for whom money was no object (City Banker, plus owned a  company) but she decided that emotionally she had to set a limit on cycle numbers and she set 3. Didn't get pregnant but moved on.

Unfortunately I didn't and I have spent £80-90K on treatments  (My father died and left me some money and this is where it has all gone) and am no nearer being a mother, my only  chance involves surrogacy and will be at least £100K in the USA- which now I am having to think about as to how to cover that bill (can't throw it on my credit card!) as I don't have a permanent job etc, plus everything that I had hoped to share with my child- childcare/part time working/private education etc has gone.  

I think it is hard and once you start it is v hard to stop trying, because the  next time, or x or Y treatment might be the one that helps you have a baby.
I am sure by hook or crook you will have a roof over your head and the baby will be clothed and fed!

I think people only regret the things they didn't do and it is all part of the grieving process!
Good Luck


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

JJ1, I am soo sorry that you have spent soo much money with not any results. I do have to admire you for your determination for making your dream happen.

Your post has really made an impact and made me realise that I do have to set a limit. But goodness - its going to be soo hard to stop, I mean how do people do that.

Thanks for your post


----------



## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

It's hard to stop, it's addictive and IVF itself is pretty easy really.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Like Maiseyz said IVF itself is a fairly simple medical process but  emotionally it is draining time after time, having  hope and then the despiar. It becomes the focus of your life, and impacts on every aspect of your life- work, co-ordinating scans/flights/appts/ work/holidays all used on IVF appts/operations -  it tough and isolating, as your friends and family don't and can't understand - thank goodness for FF and the single girls on here.  The psychological pain of getting pregannt and then loosing a baby is the most devastating pain I have ever had and like nothing else I can I compare it to and has impacted on my life forever.


----------



## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

2bamum - it's really hard, no you're not   ...either that or you are in REALLY good company    I wish I had a magic wand to make the financials easier for all us singlies.  But as someone who's really up against it right now I do believe we can make it happen.  I think most of us go for it against the financial odds.  Women are really resourceful, where there's a will there's a way        As the others have said I think the best thing to do is look at the costs and fine ways to execute change while you ttc.

JJ -    

Diesy


----------



## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

can't you consider going down the route of a known donor/co-parent? Sounds more financially viable in your situation, plus your child would get the bonus of knowing his/her father


----------



## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

I'm lucky not to be in this postition but I don't think your crazy to use credit cards. For me debt is worth conisidering if there is no option pf paying in full and it may save you money in the long term. Because the chances of succes goes down and often the invasiveness of treatment needed (along with cost) go up the longer you wait I think fertility treament meet this crietria.

1st off I would look at your budget and see if you can make any savings and pay for a least part of the treatment now. Unless you have a 0% card it would be best to depleat any saving and income. You can put baby things on a card if necessary and may be eldigable for a sure start matertiy grant.

Go to http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/ and check out his advise. He will advise on the best credit cards and also think flexiably you might be better off extending your morgage or getting personal loan.

/links


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Thanks silverbird for your honesty...

I will be paying some of it now, but still a large portion on credit cards.

Its difficult  as I am getting on a bit now (im 40) so I cant leave it much longer


----------



## Shelby2211 (Mar 20, 2010)

Gosh I have not been on in a while and trying to catch up with some threads.

My opinion would be go for it. I put some of my IVF on the card (all paid for now tho). And I understand your concerns about living after a baby arrives. I worked offshore for many years in a good paid job, I decided to give up a lot of wages and work as a childminder so that once a baby arrived I would be able to be at home for it while still making a wage. Have you considered changing careers. 

The only time I worried about the money spent on the credit card was the day before I tested positive. I imagined "what if" and thought have I had just blown nearly 6k with nothing to show for it.......................



Would I have gone through it again if it was a BFN..... hell yes!

Wishing you all the best 

Shelby xx


----------



## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

2bamum
I think you have some choices:
1. if you have a baby now then you have little choice but to (drastically?) change your income and expenses so you can afford to look after yourelf and a baby
or
2. you plan to go on benefits
Both of these are going to be very tough IF iui doesn't work first time, as you will aslo have tx debt to deal with.(but you may be lucky and it might work first time   )
3. perhaps you might be able to get support from your family? (we independant woman often think that we have to do everything on our own, when actually our families can see the situations we are in and are more than willing to help. I mean, if you had gotten preggie at 16 they would have been there for you, right?)
4.Alternatively you could consider taking a few years to get your life in order. Unfortunately this would almost definitely mean that your best option for a child would be the DE route. I completely understand if this is not what you want, but I am just saying it here as it is an option.
or finally
5.compromise by finding a clinic that will freeze your eggs for you get your finances and life in order. Freezing technology is really good now, and they say there is no difference in success rates. You would have to do this IMMEDIATELY to be in with a chance. I know my clinic has a cut off of age 39 for this, but maybe if you have good test results there will be  a clinc that would consider you. 

I am not advocating any one or other of these, I just thought that writing down all the options makes things clearer. You may be able to think of more?

Elsie


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Thanks girls! All that info has given me alot to think about. If I do put it on credit card, then I have to accept 200 pounds approx, per month on credit card payments. This could be iffy to do when (i hope) I have a baby.

I have decided one thing though, ....I want to start soon.

With that said, I may not be able to start soon even if I wanted to. I have a hysteroscoppy next week to determine why my uterus has two caviites. Maybe just heart shaped, but could also be a septum. If it is a septum I have to have surgery..which could mean a few months of recovery (and saving?) and...my eggs getting older!!


----------



## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Hi 2bamum,

I've also had lots of tx and it's been very expensive... what I was wondering is if money is very limited, have you considered doing a donor frozen embryo transfer rather than an own egg IVF? Several clinics like Serum do very reasonable DFET treatments which cost a lot less than an own egg (or a donor egg) IVF cycle and they get good results, and the costs of the drugs are much less. Several ladies on here have had success using this DFET route and if getting into major debt is a serious concern, then this might be something to consider? Of course this doesn't take into account your feelings about own egg vs donor egg treatment and the % chance of success your clinic has given you using your own eggs (I responded well to own egg treatment initially and moved to DE at 40 when my egg quality got worse and I cancelled an own egg cycle when I responded poorly to the stimulation drugs), but if there's a risk that you could end up running out of money before you achieve your goal, then maybe it's worth investigating the DFET option?

Good luck hun!

Rose xx


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Hi Rose

Thats a really good point about doing doner fet - and its something thats been on my mind as a last resort. I just  wanted to give my own eggs a try at least whilst i am 40. 

Out of interest - do you know how much doner fet is with serum, including meds?

Thank you


----------



## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

2bamum

Finances were a big worry for me too. There was no way I could afford treatment. Thankfully I discovered FF and the wonderful world of DFET abroad    . I had no idea such a thing even existed before. I went straight down that route after a couple of IUI's.

My successful cycle was in 2008. Then it cost be approx £1000 but that included the flights, hotel, meds etc.

DL x


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Damelottie & Cem - Looking at your little ones, I am so tempted to go for FET! They are adorable... I just want to give my own eggs a chance....

I guess im scared that I wont feel maternal if I have a child through FET. Did you have the same concerns?


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Cem....thats wonderful, really pleased for you - Youve certainly made me feel more positive about donor FET!!..


----------



## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

2bamum said:


> Damelottie & Cem - Looking at your little ones, I am so tempted to go for FET! They are adorable... I just want to give my own eggs a chance....
> 
> I guess im scared that I wont feel maternal if I have a child through FET. Did you have the same concerns?


I would have to agree at the adorableness   

No, I never had any concerns about the maternal feelings. It never even crossed my mind to be honest. I know that most people do seem to try with their own eggs first. I think I was just unusual to go straight to DE.

xx


----------



## Matilda7 (Feb 22, 2011)

2bamum, I don't think you're stupid at all.  If there's anything worth getting into debt for then a baby is surely it  

I've had these worries myself, and I think even if I was earning £100,000 pa I'd still have some nagging doubts about what would happen if I lost my job, got ill, etc.  I think that's part and parcel of doing this as single women, there's always going to be that burden of sole responsibility.

However, I genuinely do believe that everything always finds a way of working itself out.  If you're in debt when you get pregnant, then you'll work your way through it and find a way to make the repayments.  I think of my own upbringing, and we really didn't have much in terms of material wealth.  To this day, my mum and dad wouldn't be considered wealthy people by any stretch of the imagination, but they're happy, my siblings and I are happy and had a good upbringing.  Somehow, you always find a way.


----------



## 2bamum (May 28, 2011)

Thanks Matilda  

Yep, my parents too - they were short on the pennies, and they had me and my sister.


----------

