# BFN and absolutely knackered



## JenJay (Jul 21, 2007)

We had our first round of IVF in June and BFN 10 days ago now. During the IVF I considered myself very lucky as I did not experience any mood swings or emotional sensitivity. This was a big surprise as during a normal monthly cycle I get very up and down and all over the place. My body actually reacted very well to the extra IVF hormones.

During the last week of waiting I was getting all my normal PMS symptoms so was not very hopeful. The negative test confirmed my fears and I was quite rational about it, having had a week to get used to it. My husband and I had a relaxing weekend and arranged our follow-up consultation and 2-week holiday in Spain at the end of August.

However, the past week I have been absolutely knackered and feeling emotionally drained. I'm not dwelling on the negative first cycle, but looking into future attempts, enjoying working (i love my job) and looking forward to our holiday . But I just can't shake the tiredness and feel constantly on the verge of tears. I'm sure alot of this is due to emotional stress and disappointment, but think alot is physical as well. I feel like my hormonal system has not restarted itself after the last month of treatment. Has anybody else experienced this feeling? 

Along with this I'm now having to deal with the stress added by my DH inviting his parents along (without consulting me) for the last 4 days of our holiday. This will be our first holiday since our wedding, and was meant to be a much needed escape for us and chance to regroup before our next attempt. His parents just live around the corner so we see them alot anyway. It is their holiday villa in Spain that we're staying in, but they were not planning on being there until DH invited them. Am I being selfish or was he being insensitive by inviting them? I do get on very well with his parents but was really looking forward to a complete escape from our life for 2 weeks.  They haven't booked it up yet but if he now un-invites them it will be obvious that I didn't want them to come.

Sorry for the moan,

JenJay


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## M.T.B (May 31, 2007)

Jen jay  

  sorry love to hear of your   it is absolutely awfull i had my 1st back in may and i have to say i felt exactly the same as you from being fine on the injections to feeling tired and so mentally drained for about 2 weeks after. we had 2 weeks at work after that then 3 weeks holiday in France,we have a mobile home there, however for the first 5 days DH parents were there too, they have mobile opposite ours and live round the corner from us!!!!!! god parellel lives for me and you.

we didnt know DH parents had booked flights untill just before and i was gutted like you i just wanted me and DH to be alone and get over our misery together.

However it wasnt that bad i do get on with them so in a way it turned out quite nice because we did lots of things we wouldnt have as they hired a car so it actually took our minds off it all for a bit, then when they went home we talked a bit about our feelings etc and had a few   but then we were in the holiday mood and soon put it behind us and had a lovely time together, i felt when i came home very refreshed and felt i had moved on from that chapter.

I believe that if things hadnt have worked like that i would have spent the whole holiday being miserable and introverted so in fact it proberbly was for the best.

Hope you get some comfort from this

take care have a good holiday whatever may be

keep us posted


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi,

I had 2 BFNs and felt the same as you after. It is emotionnally draining and this itself can bring physical tiredness after a while. I would say it is actually " normal". it took me a month last time to get my sleeping patern back as well as my mood even though it took 2 months for the hormones to settle in. I also injured my shoulder while on IVF and could do nothing until I had finished the treatment, and it was a suspected ectopic to start with ( later they realised it was just a weird chemical pregnancy, resulting in a BFN) but it dragged on and on and I could not take any drugs that worked ( paracetamol did nothing ) and the osteopath could not treat me until I had the all clearand I was bleeding constantly.. The nightmare.  I was really finding it hard between the stress and the pain. But now I am fine ready for a third try ( in September). 
As for your DH parents, it might help ease the tension or sadness a little and they will keep you busy as Cooter says. Besides it means a lot probably to DH as he must be very sad too and I don't think he even thought of how you may feel as he is emmotionnally drained too and just thought it would be nice to have mummy and daddy to be looked after and spoilt  .  However you should talk to him about how you feel so that he knows not to do it again without consulting you. Maybe yo could change the date so that you arrive a bit earlier than his parents to have a couple of days alone?
Anyway, think of the beautiful weather you are going to enjoy there, while we will continue to battle winter here 
Future Mummy.


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## levin (Jan 9, 2006)

Hi Jen Jay,

Sorry to hear about your BFN hunnie, i think what you're feeling at the moment is probably normal.
I got a BFN just over a month ago, i was absolutely fine whilst i was on the drugs - in fact DH said i was nicer than normal cos i wasnt at all hormonal. However since stopping the drugs i have felt absolutely worn out, even now 4 weeks later i still dont feel myself. I think the drugs must put our bodies under quite a bit of stress even if we dont feel any symptoms at the time and our bodies are probably working hard now to get back to normal. Not only that but i know with me, a lot of the tiredness is due to being emotionally worn out because i didnt think a negative would upset me quite as much as what it did.
I dont think you're being selfish about the holiday thing at all, i think that after what you and your DH have been through you really need some time alone together to reflect on things, i dont think id be very impressed if my dh invited the parents along - he probably hasn't been insensitive intentionally though - hes a man, they dont always think before they act.
Hope you're feeling back to your old self soon.

Love Leanne x


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## Fionab (Aug 30, 2006)

Jenjay,

I didn't have any side effects during my IVF treatment but am getting them now.  I have been really tired and I have even had the hot flushes now!  I had 14 eggs and was on the verge of OHSS so it did take me longer to get over the egg collection.  Also my usually regular periods are going all over the place since then, hopefully they will settle down before our next attempt.

The holiday will help you and you will be refreshed by the time they arrive, so hopefully it won't be as bad as you think.  Sometimes men think they aren't able to help us enough so maybe he invited them along so that you would have someone else to talk to if you needed it.  Don't let their arrival put you off enjoying the first part of your holiday.

Fiona


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## JenJay (Jul 21, 2007)

Thanks for all your kind words. I'm beginning to feel a little better. Not so tired (although still more run down than normal) and I have long spells without being on the verge of tears. Although DH has a bad cold and I think I may be coming down with that.

After a huge argument in which we both had to cool down by going for walks alone in the rain, we managed to sort things out. Turns out he was feeling really depressed as well and is very stressed at work (and was coming down with a cold). He is close to his family and thought it would be nice to spend some time with them in Spain. I managed to explain why I wanted the time alone with him and in the end he agreed it would be for the best so his folks are now not coming until the the last day, if that. Funny enough, after hearing his side of it, I'd now not be upset for them to spend a couple of days with us, but he has changed his mind. I guess that's what all the hormones and emotional stress does to you. One big roller coaster.

Good luck to everybody and let's hope that the sun comes out here soon...

JenJay


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## M.T.B (May 31, 2007)

jen jay

so glad to hear you have sorted things out, sorry it had to come to blows as you say very emotional for you and he would have been too but i suppose trying to be strong and not let you see how effected he really was.

I hope you have a great holiday and come back utterly refreshed

take care xxxx


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## allyjo (Jun 18, 2007)

I stoped reading this thread early after my BFN but now wish I hadn't good to know that others felt or feel the same way as I have done. It is so Heart breaking to know how close you may have been and then nothing. I am an incredable emotional person most days so this has been really hard for me and DH. His parents also live close by and while supportive are sometimes a little to intense especially when I know they could not handle my emtional side or maybe that because they are my inlaws.

thankyou for posting your thoughts it has helped me alot.


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## max2 (Aug 4, 2007)

Hi jenjay - just to say I totally relate to how you feel, I had IVF1 BFN 3 weeks ago and have been affected the same way as you - ie, I feel dreadful at the moment, so tired - after having very few symptoms during the treatment. I just wanted to say you have helped me feel better by feeling like I'm not alone. Glad to see DH holiday issues sorted. Don't worry we will be mummys soon - we just have to nurture ourselves in preparation for next steps!!

All the best

Max  ^


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## JenJay (Jul 21, 2007)

I've just looked at this thread for the first time in a couple of months and seen the new replies. I'm glad that it has helped other people to feel less alone and for anybody else reading this I just wanted to report that it does get alot better. I probably continued to feel tired and emotionally drained for about a month but then gradually got my energy back and it now seems like a distant memory. We're contemplating doing another cycle at the ARGC but have just had immune tests and it turns out that I have overly active Natural Killer cells. It is apparently treatable (although controversial) but the treatment is too expensive for us so we are now having to decide if it is time to call it a day.

However I feel much more emotionally able to deal with this now then I would have when I first started this thread. So anybody else who has just had treatment and is feeling drained - be assured that it will get better. Just give yourself time to heal and accept that your body has gone through alot and it is normal to be tired, emotional and hormonal. Take time off if you can with your partner. The holiday did us the world of good.

Jenjay


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