# Other peoples comments...........



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hey ladies and Gents

I thought i would set this thread up for everyone to post those "lovely" comments other people make! that make you want to  ,  or even 

I will start us off with a few of my "rants"

"The wait"
Since being approved just over a month ago i am finding the "wait" ok - its not getting to me YET .............however what i do find hard is everyone saying "any news yet" i know everyone means well however as our SW said if we had any news we would tell these people!

"Understanding adoption"i am also finding that people dont understand the differance between adoption and fostering as "they" seem to think that its a case of our SW "finding" some children and saying "there you go" and thats it! as if we have to be "greatful" and have no choice in the "matching" , also people seem t think that you get "paid" alot of money to adopt .................

"Now your adopting.........................."
Once we started telling people of our adoption plans we started getting the "my friend adopted after yrs of ttc and then got preg as she "relaxed and didnt think about ttc"  

come on enlighten us with the wise words given to you............

x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

oh yes..i get the 'you wait, now you'll find out your preg!' comments..FAR too many times to find it even remotely amusing..as if thats what we want anyway  we've enough on our hands thank you!

i get this one alot 
'its so disgusting that these awful people can have babies willynilly and give them up for adoption'
to which my answer is a) erm they dont actually give them up, more like have them removed, b) its very difficult people in nice cosy middle class lives to imagine what sort of lives these BP's have had that they are in this situation c) if it werent for these people i wouldnt be having a child to love and d) its not really healthy for my daughter for her BP's to be mentioned in such a negative manner  

kj x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

deffinately agree on the "you'll get pg now" comments   luckily most people i know have been quite supportive although i have had the odd silly comment

pam xx


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

What about when people wonder why you are taking leave from work when adopting, as if recovering from giving birth is the only reason for taking time off work when you have a new child! I had this yesterday (and not for the first time ). 

rrrrrgh!

sundog
x


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

ooo I'm on a roll now - here's a couple more:

"Isn't it awful that you have to go through all these checks and questions when all sorts of dreadful people/teenagers (delete as appropriate) can have babies and no one checks on them." to which I explain that we are happy to go through the assessment, else how do they know we are not 'bad' people. It would be far worse to place children with anyold person on the asssumption that anything is better than the alternative. Besides - we have nothing to hide so why should we mind being check out thoroughly?

"Are you adopting an African baby?"  amusing rather than annoying as some of the puils at my school assume I am 'doing a Madonna'.


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Yep, I'm with you on all of those.

The classics I've always had are "oh, so you're keeping her then?" - erm, let me think  Do'h!

I've had the "You know, I know of someone who's been through all this, and then they've found out pg" 

"Well you never know. Miracles can happen"

"I think it's a disgrace/disgusting/ appauling/ridiculous... etc etc... that you have to go through all this"

And the absolute worst one for me is people continually asking, every single knacking day do we get someone saying "Any news? Heard anything?"

Infact the constant attention etc during ivf, caused us to keep the second cycle completely secret from family & friends until it was over, and boy! it was so much more relaxing than the first one!!

And the bloomin really annoying one is when.... you're being introduced to someone and it's mentioned that this is XXX who's recently adopted XXX - head on shoulder and puppy dog eyes, and "Awwww" 
It's like they're saying "Poor you, such a shame"
 I know it's pure ignorance on the part of the other person/persons but it can be so insulting. And I've found that probably the only time, outside of family and friends, that we dont get any comments or sympathetic looks, is amongst other adopters!

What a funny little world we live in!


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

My Gran keeps saying to me "Don't ruin your health and your marriage over them.  It's not as if they are yours.  If you want my advice you should send them back".    Like they are rescue dogs that have chewed too much furniture or something.  

Yes I've had the getting pregnant one too, over and over again.

Yes also to the "why do you need 39 weeks off work?  They're at school aren't they?"  Well, yes ocassionally they are at school in between Drs appts, hospital appts, speech therapy, therapy for us and them, SW visits (which over 3 months on we are still having weekly 'cos of our struggles), meetings at school over DS special needs and in between all that attempting to become a family.

Sorry if I sound grumpy.  We had the childrens SW here yesterday afternoon to "seek the views of the children" ready for our next review meeting.  SW visits upset DD anyway, but having to spend over an hour talking about who she misses (everybody), who she'd like to see again (everybody asap), what makes her happy (can't think of anything), what makes her sad (my new family don't play with me  ),  etc etc etc really sent her off the scale after the SW left.  It took me until 2am to settle her last night.    Thanks Mrs SW!  Looks like I'm in for a fun half term.       

Sanita


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Well I think the best I have ever heard in all the years we have had our children is when I was asked by a school health visitor if " does your daughter still see her Mum then!!"  I'm her Mum!!

Good thread by the way!!
Love
Andrea
xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

oh ladies 

I am so glad that its not just me who gets these daft comments  

Ever- i know what you mean- our IVF we didnt tell any family and only FF friends knew - it was so much easier!

Super- what a silly HV-   

I think that at times we let "these people" get away with these comments as we dont want them to feel bad for putting their foot in it however i think why should "we" feel sad/upset/angery for their comments! 

Huggles

xxx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Good thread!!

One I've been getting recently is "well at least you don't have to get swollen ankles, morning sickness and go though labour".

mmmmm, yeah cos adoption is so easy compared to pregnancy!! 
- and surely that's why I'm adopting, to avoid labour. 

Bx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

~Boggy- our posts crossed!



Boggy said:


> One I've been getting recently is "well at least you don't have to get swollen ankles, morning sickness and go though labour".


   these silly people!

My niece who is due next week said to me when she was about 3months preg and i was telling her about adoption- she moaned and moaned on MSN to me about how sick she felt and i snapped and said "do you honestly know what me and your uncle have been through to try and get preg" i then let rip into her and said dont moan to me as i have nothing kind to say!

I have also had the "oh adoption is such a kind thing to do" 

xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Just thought of another few sayings that I've had said to me so many times and I'm sure you've all had this at some point.

"adoption is so easy, there is no pain involved!" There is no labour pains but boy we go through some heartache along the way of being approved, turning possibly placements down and if like us when we did concurrency the heartache of returning a baby.........YEAH no pain then!!

"there are so many babies/children out there why haven't you got yours yet" Jennifer I bet you have a few chosen words to say in response to that one!

MJ you are so right that we just put up with these comments & people don't realise that the words they are saying do hurt.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Some 'classics' here include:

Why are you going to tell her she's adopted?...well cos she was 19months when she moved in with us and she remembers her life before here..and..well..it is her lifestory...it isn't something she or we are ashamed of.

'why do you get adoption allowance...its not as though she is *really* very disabled is it?'...aaarrrggghhh until you have a child with special needs of whatver level you will never understand the 'added extras' that come with parenting an adopted child with development delay/attachment issues/grief/counselling needs.

'you are an amazing person to adopt...'what a wonderful thing to do'...'gosh you must be sooo strong'.  Actually, no, I am not a superwoman or indeed a 'living saint' (oh and yes...i have been called that too once!)...I am a woman who  desperately wanted a family and was willing to jump through the hoops of the adoption process in order for my husaband and me to make a loving family with a child that needed one.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

This is a great thread idea and interesting to read all the different sayings...

Before we stopped ivf we were continually asked 'why don't you just adopt?', now the people who said that have said they would never say it was an easy option again.  We had a relatively easy process to approval but it was still hard going and people don't realise just how many hoops we have to jump through.  

The classic ' I know someone who adopted and then got pg'.

'You are amazing wanting to adopt' blah blah blah, as we all know you don't go into adoption lightly, you have to really want to have a family to put up with the process.

I'm sure there will be many more comments to come....
Love
OT x


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

I could have written your post KJ... every single word.

I don't have much to add to that except that my Dad, who seems to have no idea about the impact of what he "jokingly" says, joked at our adoption party that "at least (enter a slang descriptive word for perhaps what BP's have been through) are good for something". It went very quiet and I was absolutely mortified. If he says anything like that again I will be having a stern word with him.

What you learn in this adoption process is not to judge.. and it would be nice if some of your family and friends could go through the same training!!!



keemjay said:


> oh yes..i get the 'you wait, now you'll find out your preg!' comments..FAR too many times to find it even remotely amusing..as if thats what we want anyway  we've enough on our hands thank you!
> 
> i get this one alot
> 'its so disgusting that these awful people can have babies willynilly and give them up for adoption'
> ...


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Ah yes, I get the "you are amazing" comments. I always say "no it's my daughter who is amazing".  I don't take that one too literally though - I think they mean for what we've been through and come out the other side happy. 

Carole xx


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## MissScarlett (Apr 20, 2007)

We haven't started the process yet but having been talking it over with close family and my MIL came up with the classic "but it would'nt look like you" . She obviously doesn't see me too often first thing in the morning otherwise she might consider that advantage !!


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I don't think there is an adoptive parent/parent to be in this world who hasn't been told the "pg after adoption" story.   

I must admit my Mum came out with that other classic line when we first started going through the process "There's more to life than kids you know".  I know she didn't mean to be thoughtless and she was scared of us getting hurt but it is so easy for a mother of four to come out with a line like that.

The other one that's been used is "Have you really thought about this?"  Er, no, we just got up and said let's start adopting today.  We didn't think about it or discuss it in great length or weigh up the pros and cons at all because we that would have been really stupid DUH!.

Cindy


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

Here's another one.

When telling people that we are adopting a baby: "Oh, that's ok then, they will be too young to remember anything so it shouldn't be any different from if they were your own baby."

Never mind the trauma of being taken from the only parents they have ever known/numerous moves before finally having to adjust to their forever family (which of course they don't understand will be forever). Not to mention later on having to come to terms with the reasons for their adoption....

Grrr!


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Cindy- My MIL came out with the "more to life then children" she also has 4children who between 3 of them have given her 7grandchildren and the oldest grandchild is about to make her a great Grandparent (due next week)

My SIL who is 19 asked me earlier this year if our children will come with names or do we get to choose them? (honest!) 

Keep them coming!

x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

oh yes, forgotten the one about names MJ - 

'will you keep her name or change it to one you can choose/ like better?' 
the 'like better' came from someone whose nose twitched at littlies name, which is an unusual spelling and clearly thought we'd choose something more suitable.
its just ignorance that they ask such a stupid question but it does annoy me, esp when you have to keep explaining over and over and over..i cant understand who would think we should change her name when she's 19 months old and answers to her name already 

kj x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

This is a good topic alright.

i've had many of the same ones you guys have had, but one cracker: "you know adopted kids will come with a lot of baggage don't you"........to which I wanted to reply "no sh!t sherlock"......but i bit my tongue to maintain my saint-like image!  

xruthie


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hello

This thread is so good.  I can really relate to some of these comments  

I have just been approved, but I have been getting 'Thats really good, there is lots of little kids out there that need good homes'  I thought - They make it sound like like we are going to get a dog from the animal shelter!!    or 'At least you wont have morning sickness or stretch marks'  

I guess the bottom line is that other people think they are offering some kind works but the simple truth is people are ignorant on subjects that they know very little or nothing about. 

Lynn xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hey ladies and Gents

I have another 2 "lovely" comments today!

i was explaining we had been approved and wanted a Sibling group of 2-3 children to which i got " so they might be brothers and sisters" ........ i then explained that siblings ments yes they will be brothers/sisters!  

I got asked "will you tell them they are adopted" my reply was a very harsh however firm YES - i explained that how could we not- our family know and not just that how hard would it be in years to come if we dropped a "bombshell " on them about being adopted! to which i got OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH right!  
x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

MJ - I get asked if my children know they are adopted in front of them............it's a good job we have always been up front and open about their adoption or these silly people who don't think about what they are saying would really put their big size 9's in it!!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i had to find this thread and add to it as i had another daft comment yesterday..met an old friend in the shops who knew we were going to adopt but didnt yet know we had littlie..i told her all about her, her age and how long she's been with us and she said
"so what have you called her?" i just said "the name her BP gave her, its **** " i couldnt think what else to say!

kj x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

LMAO @ Ruthies comment - class hunny pure class  

one comment i received was - "oh it's such a shame it has had to come to this isn't it?" 

and someone said to dh - "oh don't be surprised if when your mum sees him she's disapointed"  

and then there is always the nosy *** who wants to kow every detail - i say to my hubby "tell them nout!"


great thread
LB
X


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

I had one infurating comment last week

"Well, I think it takes a special kind of person who can take someone else's child into their home and treat them as their own"

   I was bloomin mad, I had to walk away!


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

Dont you just love the stupid comments!!

Someone I work with doesnt know about us adopting & we were just having a general chit chat the other day & I asked her what she would have done if she hadnt had her own 3 (which came very easily). Her reply was "oh my husband said he would never adopt because you might get the son of an axe murderer, you just dont know who's genes you are getting"

             



I was gobsmacked!!


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## andan (May 12, 2004)

Hello - this thread has made me smile in a way because people just amaze me.  I have been approved for nearly 2 months and have all the same comments.

On the day i went to panel and everyone was so excited my stepmom asked me "what if you dont like the child can you send it back".

Also because i am going for an older child 4 plus - I get loads of negative comments like you miss out on so much etc etc etc.

One friend of a friend in the middle of a dinner party said "I dont know how to tell you this but you know dont you the child might not settle in to start off with" - i said yes i am aware of this we are told all this (my other friend was so angry with her)- she said she heard that we just get placed with a child and given no info so i must ask questions.  What got me cross her birth son is the strangest boy i have ever met lol. 

The pregnancy and relax one drives me mad too. 

Also I got asked why are you adopting why dont you carry on with treatment until it works!! (she got pregnant 3 times within a month of trying).  I said because I dont want to I am happy to adopt and dont want to be pregnant now - taht shut her up


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

we had one of the "classics" wheeled out this weekend "he's so lucky" ...in the context of having us as his parents

i really wanted to respond with "if you'd really like to know what happened to him before he ended up moving in with us then you may well think differently about how lucky a chappie he is."

I would of course like to think that he's had his full share of bad luck for a lifetime......maybe i should start getting him to pick the lottery numbers?!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

anabelle - re your friend at work..when you do finally get placed you must be sure to say to her when she asks your littlies background " well his father was an axe murderer" and watch her face 

ruthie - we get the 'she's so lucky' thing too..i just say 'no its us that are lucky to have her'

i've thought of another one..when you tell people that we get the opportunity to meet the birth parents "OH MY GOD  why do they MAKE you do that??" um actually i really want to...to be fair though when you point out the benefits to the child people usually do get the idea that its a good thing....

kj x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

My mum is always telling me about people of my age who are/got pregnant, although she hasn't done this for a while now we are progressing for adoption. I know she means well, but it is still annoying!

Work colleagues with children say things like "that's a good idea considering you don't have children", when we are talking about kids stuff. 

And, yeah, I've heard the one about people getting pregnant as soon as they relax and go for adoption more times than I care to remember!

But there are some really nice comments too, like you'll make a brilliant mum 

Bluebells xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Well I nearly had a stand up row with some of DH colleagues at his Christmas do the other day   .

Some one said "It takes a very special person to adopt and you are special!" At first I thought they were having a joke about me, I use to be a special constable! I then realised she was serious & I asked WHY am I special??

"Oh it takes a very special person to take on someone else's kids!!"

I said you still haven't answered my question,,,,"Why am I special"

She didn't know what to say & I gave it full guns blazing about I'm not special, yes it can be difficult to adopt but at the end of the day we asked out selves what was more important..........being a family or us going through treatment which might not result in what we desired

We all get these comments but I was so annoyed, hence this woman has 4 kids of her own and conceived them very quickly and easily.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

sounds like fun! and don' you find it's always the people who have had kids 'easily' and have lovely ones who complain about them the most! Arrghhh

Bluebells x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Here comes another one from this morning. My sister in law who is expecting her first baby any time now said: 

"I don't fancy this second time around.... the last 3 weeks have been to much like hard work when you are an "older mother" !!! " 

I wanted to say something, especially as I am older, but bit my tongue!

B x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Right ladies i know this thread hasnt been posted on for a while however i just need to have a little (ok maybe a big) rant!

silly comments i have had that have bugged me ................... (including things people have done)

when talking to a family memeber about grandparents giving little ones food/drinks without asking the parents they said "real grandparents do that sort of thing too"-  so do my 2 have "fake" grandparents then! 

When people meet our children or see me for the 1st time after hearing about our 2 they always say "so are they brother/sister,both have the same dad?"  my reply is "yes bro/sis" however i feel like saying "so do you and x have the same dad or did your mother make you "speacial" and give you each your own Daddy"  (how rude are people!)

When explaining to a member of the family how we have explained the differance of boys/girls to our DD and DD said "girls have boobies" and "boys have willys"  this family member said "its not willys its tails" to which DH and i both said "NO we have told her this as our dog is a boy and has a "tail" 

One of our children was naughty while we were at a family members house and this member of the family took it upon themself to remove our child from the "naughty step" and then give our child a "present/reward" - i was  however kept my  shut- it wont happen again as i get in there first now!

I am totally miffed that we got no cards or presents for our children from any member of either of our families - i got one comment about "i dont do cards" however i know for sure this person does when its a new baby into the family and they also buy LOADS of gifts too! just feel like we have been treated so differantly however no one treats are children any differant just bacause they are "adopted" which is great.

It annoys me when others tell me how to "parent" my children! yes MY children! just because i do something they "wouldnt" please dont jump down my throat and tell me that i am "doing it wrong" like i need that!  - we are the people who know our children best !

see i told you this was a "rant" 

come on ladies please join me!

xxx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

> I am totally miffed that we got no cards or presents for our children from any member of either of our families - i got one comment about "i dont do cards" however i know for sure this person does when its a new baby into the family and they also buy LOADS of gifts too! just feel like we have been treated so differantly however no one treats are children any differant just bacause they are "adopted" which is great.


So sorry to hear this. We got some really nice cards and I was genuinely touched at how much effort family/friends went to to find ' new addition' cards without pictures of newborns on them. A few even made them personally which was extra nice. However, still to this day am saddened/upset/angry that I didn't get a card and gift from work when all the other new mums of babies get a whip-round to buy toys etc.

New 'rant' was a colleague who didn't think I was eligible for child benefit and tax credits because it wasn't my child! Not so much angry as incredulous  .

Magenta x


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## **Heather** (Apr 30, 2008)

This isnt an adoption comment, but I wanted to put it on here. 

My birth daughter died in Oct 2005 when she was 6 months old, and she had a genetic condition which is terminal, we found out we are carriers, and have a 1 in 4 chance of passing it on each pregnancy. 

Anyway, when my best friend (who is the ward sister where I used to work) was talking about me to an ex colleague, who had asked how I was, Tina explained about the risks of it being genetic, and the other persons response was - "oh well, never mind she can always have IVF, because thats easy, its less messy than sex, and is less stressful than getting pregnant naturally". 

Now for one thing that would not stop us passing the condition on to any other babies, and How damn ignorant is that, for a Qualified Nurse to make such a stupid ignorant comment. I was gobsmacked when I was told!!!! It actually upset me. 


We are just at the start of the adoption process, and I have talked to my mum and dad so much about it, and my dad doesnt say much, he accepts all children who come to the family and will play with them all regardless. He loves children come what may.
But I have had the odd comment from my mum. But she had 4 children so easy, so she keeps telling me, Oh I only had to look at dad and I was pregnant. Well bully for you love, I wish it was that easy for everyone. 

Ive had the - Isnt it awful that you have to go through all that when ppl can have babies willy nilly.  
You dont want to take on a child that has problems. Try and push for a baby, the younger the better. 
Oh no, you dont want school age, you want them young enough to mould to suit you. 

I hope you get a baby as Rosie's (my daughter) pram is upstairs and I want to push your baby out in it. 
We will suport you every step of the way, but you will probably fall pregnant soon anyway now you are more relaxed. (getting pregnant wasnt an issue, ours is the huge risk of a genetic terminal condition, that will take the life of our children within months of birth). 

I hope if they have a silly name you refuse them!!!!!!  

They are all pretty much from my mum, my dad has read the books I gave him, and was getting her to read them as well, he seems pretty clued up on it all, and has never said anything other than positive comments since we mentioned it a couple of months ago.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Heather

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter- some people come out with the  comments!

I wish IVF was easy! i really do- for us it was one of the hardest things we have ever done!



**Heather** said:


> But I have had the odd comment from my mum. But she had 4 children so easy, so she keeps telling me, Oh I only had to look at dad and I was pregnant. Well bully for you love, I wish it was that easy for everyone.


My friend ( a fellow FFer) MIL said this alot to her and her reply it "well he didnt look at you much as you have xx amount of children" - i said this once to someone at work and it stopped her in her tracks with her  comments!

massive hugs

xxx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

OK, here's just a few of my recent ones!

On telling my parents how stressful intros will be emotionally and physically - "You'll be fine, you've babysat loads of times!"    Err, i think meeting our daughter is slightly different!

My BIL on hearing we are meeting our daughter soon - "remember, breathe, push push. breathe"  Err, thanks for your sensitivity regarding our infertility.  

Neighbours on hearing about our daughter -"so have you had a trial few days with her to see if you like her?"  

My BIL on hearing we were matched - "Does she come with a 12 month guarantee?"  

I'll write more as I remember them.  My family are seriously scaring me!!

Bx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

I wrote my latest a while ago but it will take a repeat " So does she actually call you erm erm Mummy"!!!!! I very calmy replied "Well yes of course she does I am her Mummy" I wont tell you what my thought bubble was saying!
JD x


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

It makes me want to cry with the ignorance and insensitivity that exhists around us and I'm truely shocked at what some people can say. I can cope with people asking about how long? when? etc as it is asked with concern but when I hear

Have you got children? No? Oh well, you're better off without them anyway, that way you can relax and enjoy your life! Ermmmm....relax? I feel anything BUT that! And enjoy life? I want to enjoy my life WITH a child

Where are you adopting from? Why Ethiopia? Why not China? Errmmmm...no particular reason but why not Ethiopia? And BTW, what's it got to do with them any way?!

So, I'm really interested in knowing why you can't have children? Yes, and I'm really interested in knowing why you're so nosy...pray tell me some details of your intimate life, I'd be fascinated to talk about it down the pub!

And of course the well known Well, you'll get pregnant when you adopt, my SIL, cousin, best friend, auntie's dog's mum's brother's wife did As if I'm going to adopt because it will help me relax and get pg....NO If I adopt it's because I have now decided to stop trying to get pg as it doesn't work!

RANT RANT RANT 

Kay xxx


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## daisyboo (Apr 5, 2005)

Oh God i'm having a nightmare with my mum and MIL going into great detail how thye would lay down their life for their children,  "you carry that child inside you for 9 mths feel it moving and kicking"
Hellllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i don't know if they are missing the point but i won't be feeling that, and it hurts when they say things like that i feel sometimes MIL say's it to upset me, i'm sure i'm paranoid but she does say if i relax yes me we will get pregnant naturally mmmmm don't think DH's swimmers agree with that one.

Another i get well does the child when you get it come with anything mmm like what 
well clothes   

what about it's parents?  We will be it's parents end of 

My rant over


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

I'm very lucky with my family as my mum is more excited than me about the adoption I think!   I'm sure someone'll say something to p*** me o** again though   I'm quite thick skined usually though.

Kay xxx


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## ShazJohn (Jul 29, 2008)

Hi ladies,

Well I need to add this one to the long list that has already been posted:

"How come you have waited so long" (We have only been approved 9 months), and from the same person " Do they not line them up and you go along and pick what you want  

I am not B***** Shopping.

Why are some people so so stupid.

Oh and I think i have upset MIL 

I got the "well when you lose weight you will get preg" as she has been looking on the net for things to do with PCOS. My reply to her was "I dont think we will as it is not just me with a problem" 
She was gobsmacked. "I never though my son would have a problem as his father and I never had any problems"  

Guess what neither did my parents. STUPID WOMAN

ShazJohn xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

oh Shaz- cos i have met your MIL i can just see her saying this!

I am sure that when my MIL says about us not being able to concive she will tell everyone its down to me cos her son has no problems (other then me!  )

people used to ask when we were going to have kids and i used to say "when the super markets sell them" !!!!!

xxxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi, I've had lots of stupid comments as well.  

How about 

"do you know anything about his family?" (no he was found under our gooseberry bush in the garden)
"Where did he come from?" (er a womb, where do you think)
"Oh you are so brave" (no, we want to complete our family not fight for our Country)
"Oh, it breaks my heart when I think about his poor mother having to give him up" (so he should have stayed with her and been terribly treated then?)
"Does his father have a violent nature" (when ds had a tantrum - perfectly normal behaviour for his age)
"At least you won't have the pain of giving birth" (no that's why we decided to adopt to avoid that!)
"He seems a good boy" said in a dubious tone (no he is adopted so of course he is a monster in disguise)
"It won't be long until you get pregnant now you've adopted" (I'll tell dh that we're going to have a miracle then and his sperm problems and my age will vanish)


People eh!


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

they just can't understand can they


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## ShazJohn (Jul 29, 2008)

Hey Guys

Heres one that I got from my SIL after she gave birth to a lovely baby girl last week:

_At least you don't have to go through this and do you know it really hurts when you have to go to the loo after and I would not want you to know what that feels like_ 

I am convinced that my DHs family are 

ShazJohn xx


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## lou73 (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi, 

thought I would add my little pearls of wisdom!!

I have had the you'll get pg when you adopt - prob not - remind my 'sensitive' work mates that I am near the menopause and have been told not much chance of that!

One member of staff moaned the entire time she was pg - can't eat this, can't do that etc and she said to me that at least I didn't have to go through all that!! I would love to go through it! I just smiled and reminded her that I wouldn't have stretch marks/piles/saggy boobs etc!! Just a dig to try and hide my hurt feelings!!  

Had loads of parents of kids I teach saying 'why are you not pg yet? mrs so and so got pg when she knew she was having this class'. I would love to tell them we can't have children just to see their faces!!  And I love the fact that avoiding teaching a certain class is a good reason to get pg!! (even though other teachers have said they have got pg to avoid classes!! 

My latest 'gem' was from ppl I work with again - 2 staff have just said they are pg and everyone looked at me and said that these things always come in 3s so I would be pg next!! Love it!

Really sorry for those of you who have had probs with family - our parents have been great about it. My big brother did ask if we could have one big enough to help out in his shop with him!!  We just all laugh and make daft comments, its what we are like!


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

I had a classic yesterday!  

i was at a business meeting when the subject of weight came up.

I was complaining that I needed to lose weight but that my appitite had gone crasy mad at the moment and all I wanted to do was eat.  

My manager who knows all about my illness and adoption journey decided that she would in front of everyone ask very loudly if I was pregnant!  

I tried to laugh it off and change the topic but she then made a real fuss about how stupid a comment that was but that we still didnt know as miracles happen! 

As I had a hysterctomy in DEC I think that I would need more than a miracle to happen! 

WHY DONT PEOPLE THINK!!!!!!


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## Dee.Dee.32 (Dec 6, 2008)

Hi Kirstyn 

Sorry to hear of what you've been through lately but best of luck with the adoption process.  

People really do say some stupid things sometimes but this takes the biscuit!  I'm sure she did really just talk without thinking first and hopefully having now had time to digest it she feels really bad and will think twice in future. 

Good luck 

DeeDee x


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## BooஐWantsBaby (May 21, 2008)

Sorry about that hun  
Urgh... How inconsiderate!! 
Stay positive and focused hun... x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi K- some people just need  

I have merged your post into this thread as its a good home for it and i think if you have a read of the other comments you will see sadly your not alone

xxxx


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