# punished for having a child together!!



## dreamerbarton (Aug 14, 2007)

hiya all sorry about this but its gonna be a rant.
just got back from the womens and am not happy .
we r under Mr lewis Jones now for dh's little swimmers they were very low only 12 million and poor movement etc. been back after him having scans n blood tests and his 3rd sample and the good news is everything is now normal  .. This is after me reading on here about taking vits n me giving him them every day.

The bit that am not happy about is now we r back to the unexplained infertility label. The Dr said he would refer us for ivf now as we have tried for number 2 for 5 years but there is no point as we have a child together so we wont get funding  . I love my son n am so so grateful for having him even thou when i did it was a total shock and surprise rolled into one. He is the best shock n surprise i have ever had  .  Now it seems like we r being punished for having him and staying together as a family. If he was not my dh's child then we would more than likely get the funding but as we have stayed together its not the case, sorry if that upsets anyone as thats not my intention but that is really how it seems at the minute.  i do understand there r ppl out there still trying for there 1st child  and  that they should have the chance to become parents as we already are, but in the same token why should my son have to become an only child why is he not entitled to a sibling that he wants so much. why are we not allowed the help that we need to gives us the second child between us that we want to finish our family just because it wont be our 1st child together.


Is there any ladies who are in a similar postion and have got the funding ?  i will be ringing my doctor 1st thing to see if she will be willing to help in anyway and to see what way i go about trying to get the funding.

once again sorry for going on. 
I really wish u all the best of luck   
Gill x


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## *looby* (Jun 14, 2004)

Hi,

I moved your post over to the Hoping for another Miracle board, as you 
will be more likely to find people in your situation here 

Looby x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

We weren't entitled to funding hun and it is very hard.  I have no children, but as dh has 2 from his previous marriage we were never given the option. 

Are you able to fund any treatment yourself?

also do you think there could be any chance of a natural conception now that you have restored dh's sperm count?  

big hugs - i do know how tough this is.


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## dreamerbarton (Aug 14, 2007)

hiya n thank u both for taking the time to reply . i think i have calmed  over nite after writing that post whist still in a mood after getting back from the hospital.

sallywags  i think we will have to start saving our pennys to at least have one go at ivf. i have heard of some ff who have had treatment when there partner has child from a previous relationship so it must be the postcode lottery. now that dh's count has gone up it is not impossible to get pregnant again it just looks unlikely after trying for so long but to look on the positive side  there are people on ff who have got there in the end so i cant give up all hope. Congratultions on getting your little miracle she looks adorable  

jess sorry to hear of your experiences it's so hard all this trying to conseave. i do believe everyone should be entitled to one go no matter what there age or if they have children together or with other ex partners .if there is a problem then there should be help regardless, as u said the the post code lottery does exists . i have had day 21 bloods done and had clomid before and all the results showed nothing wrong with me. had tubes check and all fine to . unexplained is such a hard label at least when it was dh's low count we had something to aim for n things we could change. 
i have thought about egg sharing before and will have to look into it more to find a clinic close to home.
goodluck for a positive result  

once again thank u both for replying sometimes it just helps to get it all off my chest 

goodluck to u both 
Gill x


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

I have to say that I know how you feel.  Our son was a miracle - DF was also told his swimmers were low (13 mil/ml count) but then another test said they were 23 mil/ml so that was OK.  A trial sperm wash revealed that we'd need ICSI as not enough sperm survived the wash to do IUI or IVF.

Anyway, just as we put our name down on the waiting list for ICSI a miracle happened and we conceived our son naturally.

He's 19 months old now and I don't know where we stand - I desperately want another baby but we know we won't get funding and we simply won't be able to fund the treatment ourselves.  And at 36 time is not on my side.  

Have you looked in to whether you can see your consultant privately and get treatment done on the NHS?  I know some HAs are able to "wangle" it this way . . .


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Wow, Ladymoonlight - hi hun!  Long time no see - we were pregnant together way back when!

Congratulations on Arthur - is he completely gorgeous?!


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi Sallywags,  lol yes it ages since I've been here, just getting on the TTC journey again! 

Arthur's a little sweetheart, he's the most wonderful thing thats ever happened to me!










He's about the same age as your gorgeous little girl - he was due on 10 December 2006 but decided to arrive a little early (38 weeks + 5 days) on 30 November 2006!!


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Ah well M was due on 31 October but kept me waiting until 15 November!!  I am also about to start ttc again - in fact due to start on the roller coaster again in the next few weeks!

They are completely adorable at this age, aren't they? Loving it!

Good luck with it all - i will keep an eye out and see how you are getting on!


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## Jo1983 (Nov 12, 2007)

Hi Dreamerbarton

I just wanted to reassure that the funding is a nightmare for me and dh too.

We've also been referred for ivf, I have 1 ds aged 5, although my dh has no children of his own we're still not entitled to funding so it wouldn't necessarily be the case that you'd get funding if you had parted from your little ones Dad.

We are egg sharing to bring the cost down......would that be an option for you?

Jo xxx


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## lollylovelace (Nov 30, 2004)

I know exactly how you feel, my DP has very low count and motility and we have been told we can have ICSI on a self funding basis before my son arrived we were all set to start with our treatment and then it naturally happened and i became pregnant think it was knowing that the process was no longer in my control made me relax this is very common which vitamins did you get your other half to take its worth a shot may give it ago. It makes me angry that although we had no money spent on any treatment what so ever, the chance is now gone but the problem is still here!


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## KellyG (Jun 11, 2008)

Hiya 

We have had the same response from our clinic i have a ds from a previous and my DH has a very low sperm count .1 to be exact! We were told icsi would be our only chance and we would have to pay as i already have a son. Even tho my DH has the IF and he hasn't got any children!! So what we decided to do was egg share as this cuts the cost right down and we get to help another couple on the way. Well our tx worked and we are over the moon. Have you thought about Egg sharing? I wish you well and i hope you get your second miracle very soon


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