# 43 (and a half) and on,y just starting out - feeling anxious about chances



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

having read the site I am feeling really very very despondent. I have taken a long time to get around to doing this (personal reasons) and am now finanly in a position to and it seems starting at 43 is heading into impossible territory. 1-2% chance? Thats devestating  . can anyone reassure me?


----------



## Every cloud.... (Mar 29, 2010)

Hi Josie

I wish I could give you better news but I was told that once you hit that 40 mark the chances of getting pregnant with your own eggs is virtually zero. Our egg quality starts to fall away in our 30's so by 40....well you get the picture.

I was crushed when my consultant told me this but he advised us to start looking at the donor egg option. And that's what we doing now, just back from Spain after ET last week with fingers crossed that it's worked this time.

Sorry not to be able to give you better news but I think it's better to know now so you don't waste time, money and emotional energy on something that is unlikely to work.

Take care


----------



## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Josie

The chances with your own eggs at 40-plus are definitely small but it does depend on your individual circumstances too.  For example, have you had your FSH/AMH tested, do you have a history of infertility/ttc/miscarriages etc?

I started on the IVF route when I was 40 (had put off treatment for years -we were "unexplained" - until I realised it was "now or never").  My FSH was OK (about 7.5) and I responded well to the IVF drugs, produced good embryos, but had two BFNs with my own eggs.  At 40, I was quoted odds of about 10%-15% but by 42 and a bit, with 9 years ttc and 2 IVF BFNs behind me, I was told our chances were "a couple of percent".  We decided to give it one last try with my own eggs, had a horrendous IVF cycle which I thought was going to have to be cancelled- and the result is my beautiful little DD who is doing puzzles in her CBeebies magazine as I type - oh, and I am currently almost 33 weeks pregnant (at the age of 46) with a frozen embryo from that same third IVF cycle.

I know that I have been so very, very lucky, and I am all too aware that there are lots of other women over 40 who have had no success with their own eggs.  There is also no doubt that your chances of succcess increase substantially with donor eggs, so it has to be a personal decision whether you want to try with your own eggs first.  However, my advice would be to get some more information from tests first - FSH, AMH (wasn't on offer at my clinic when I was 40), progesterone levels etc, and perhaps also go to a clinic which specialises in treating older women for their advice.  You can then make your decision based on your own physical, emotional and financial reserves. (IVF is a tough thing to go through, from all these standpoints, and you may decide you want the higher chance of success that comes from donor eggs - or there again, you may want to give your own eggs a chance first.)

Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide.  Good luck also to Every cloud... with your 2ww     

Ellie


----------



## Loll (May 2, 2010)

Hi Josie43
Go on the 42 ttc naturally thread and also 40+ success stories thread they are some lovely positive stories on these sites chick. 
I have only had one ivf cycle and was given a small chance of it working. We did go ahead and my Doc was very impressed with the way i had responded to the treatment. The positive news was i had 100% fertilization and my Doc did say it would be worth trying again and put my success rate up to 20%. He said the fact the embies did not implant was just one of them things that he had no answer for. However due to lack of monies and the fact my DH said he couldn’t stand the disappointment if it didn’t work we have decided ttc naturally
Good luck x


----------



## Nathalie 2010 (Aug 3, 2010)

Every now and then I dip back into this site.  Lovely to read your response Ellie.St.  

Take care all. x


----------



## Sunshine Gal (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi Josie
I'm 43 (plus one!) we have only just started out as well, at the moment we are waiting to see if IUI has worked.  We did the week of injections etc but only one follicle was at 21ml the others were about 7ish so they advised us to change to IUI as it wouldn't be fair to go to EC with only one follicle.  They didn't want to take the risk of loosing the large one to wait for the others to catchup in case they didn't come to anything!

I was worried as I have three friends that all tried IUI and it didn't work, but another friend has said she was lucky albeit after the 4th or 5th go so you never know!  I am trying to be positive as I'm on the two week waiting side of things.

One of my friends who is in her 40's did IUI and IVF two or three times each and was told there was no hope so they gave up they brought a two seater sports car, went on holiday and now is expecting and is over 24 weeks so there is hope for everyone! The doctors couldn't believe it so it just goes to show good things can happen even when not explained!

Good Luck with your treatment and try not to worry, take each day as it comes!
Would love to hear how you get on!
Take care
Sunshine Gal xx


----------



## Isobel67 (Jul 9, 2010)

Hi everyone

Josie I wouldn’t give up hope yet.  I’d recommend that you read Julia Indichova – Inconceivable.  It’s about a woman in her 40s who had been told that her eggs are too old.  It then follows the things that she does to try to improve her egg quality and finally has another baby, I think aged around 44/45.

It definitely gave me a boost.

I think as women get older they need to look after themselves more so that they can improve their egg quality.  If you’d like to know what I’ve done, let me know and I’ll give you the details.

I’m going to have my first round of ivf with the Lister in January.  I’ll keep you posted as to how that goes.

Sunshine Gal – hope you get a positive result.

Take care,

Isobel x


----------



## Kaybee (Nov 8, 2010)

Isobel 

99% of statistics are made up on the spot.

Also, that 1-2% chance you quote is based on natural conception.  You need to get some positive thinking going on.

If it helps, I had an aunt in Ireland who had 26 pregnancies in her life, the last was twins at age 48.  Natural.  

Older mothers may not always have the best quality eggs - it is the quality of the egg & sperm that determines success not the age of the womb.  I am sure that with the right drugs and stimulation you could still produce some good follies.

Keep positive. Do not believe the hype & negativity around mothers over 40.  It's a nonsense. Most people over 40 are not at it like rabbits like 20 somethings, hence the decline in pregnancies over that age. People don't take this into account when calculating pregnancy rates. this is my opinion.


----------



## Helen3 (Dec 2, 2010)

Hi Isobel,
Just read your post about egg quality. I am new to FF but not new to trying to conceive, after IVF, FETs & DE (once). I know at 48 it is unlikely that I will conceive now naturally but I am still going to hope & therefore would be interested to know what you have done to improve your egg quality. I am also going to read the book 'Inconceivable' that you mentioned.

Finally, I noticed that you are going to have a try at the Lister in January. This is one of the clinics I am looking at so I would be interested to know how you are getting on with them. I am inteested in having more specific tests for our unexplained fetility & also DEs if they do it there (don't know what their waiting list is like?).

Any info/advice would be welcome, thanks

helenx   PS how do you write the profile/signature at the bottom of each post?


----------



## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Helen,  To add your signature you need to go to Profile at the top of the page, Account Settings, Forum Profile and there are boxes for you to fill in your details and a signature block which will then appear at the bottom of all your posts.

Shelley x


----------



## Helen3 (Dec 2, 2010)

Thanks Shelley - looking forward to writing it.
Wonderful to read  you journey is complete.
Helenx


----------



## Isobel67 (Jul 9, 2010)

Hi Helen3

I've actually taken part in the http://www.natural-fertility-prescription.com

This program is by a naturopath who specialises in boosting natural fertility. A lot of what I've read seems to indicate that what we eat, drink or expose our bodies to, affects our egg health. She also is a firm believer that egg health can be boosted no matter the age. Anyway, I was sent an ebook and various mp3s to download. She then also offers you a free email service where you can email her with any queries and she will respond personally.

I have found this program to be a great boost. I feel as if I'm doing something positive to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I had my hormone levels tested 6 months ago. My FSH was 2.8, LH 3.9 but E2 was 1294 ie completely out of control. Since then I have tried to follow diet guidance given in the NFP such as really cutting down on red meats, trying to have more pulses etc. I have also been having acupuncture for 4 months, which again is supposed to balance your system.

I'm taking the following supplements:
• 50mg dhea
• 2mg inositol twice daily
• 3mg melatonin
• 600mg CoQ10
• Good multivitamin
• Good antioxidant
• 2 royal jelly tablets

I'm trying not to rattle when I walk!!

I've found the Lister to be friendly and quite direct about giving you % about your chance of conceiving. I'm not sure about the DE situation there - I think they tend to refer people to Ireland for DE, as there isn't such a waiting list. No doubt they will let you know, when you see them.

Sorry it's a bit of a long email. Let me know if I've forgotten anything.

Isobel x

/links


----------



## urbangirl (Jul 28, 2010)

Hi there, it really annoys me when people just brand you as having old eggs, full stop.  That's what my clinic tried to drum into me when I had problems getting pregnant from 40 to 43 (three pregnancies that didn't work out), but I knew there must be another reason why I wasn't getting pregnant more often and lo and behold, after 3 years off them just saying 'old eggs, old eggs' and faffing around I had a hysterosalpingogram off my own back and found I have one blocked tube- which certainly hasn't helped me!  So my advice is- you are an individual, not a statistic, i know one lady who got pregnant naturally at 42, another at 44 and my regular doctor at a clinic abroad told me had some (okay, not loads!) patients of 44 and 45- and this in a 3rd world country where they don't take vitamins! Yes it's not necessarily easy, but maybe you are one of the lucky ones so go ahead, do all the tests, take your vitamins and go for it.  I am doing my first ivf this year, I'm 43. I was only doing timed intercourse before because I didn't know about the blocked tube, and I feel very positive about it. The oldest natural pregnancy in the world was a British woman of 59!!! Good luck!


----------



## OutOnALimbAgain (Jan 6, 2011)

Hi
Another book which talks about improving egg quality among other things, is Randine Lewis' "The Infertility CUre"
I was just reading the section about the eggs...
I'll be 44 in mere days and just had my first appt with the RE.
We are also in the indeterminable wait (IW)(hahaha) for a domestic adoption (USA).
So since we will be paying big bucks and other resources to get a baby with random genetics, it wasn't too far of a stretch to go with Donor Eggs. Plus my sister has two daughters and one of them has my personality and I feel like we're done with these genetics for now!
In the USA fertilty tx are very expensive, and my insurance doesn't cover anything!
There's a site called PVED.org where you can learn abt donor eggs babies.
I didn't mean to push you towards egg donor, but only to put it out there. The clock is ticking. This stuff takes time and money and at this point, I just want to be a parent, so I'm trying to increase my chances anyway I can. There are things I cannot do very fast- and those will increase my chances for OE or DE. I'm realistic. depressed, but realistic.
Good luck,


----------



## hopehopehope (Dec 8, 2008)

bellamama - will you post what the infertility cure has to say about improving egg quality please. Are you in the USA? DE in Europe is much much cheaper you know - i have a hive of info if you want to PM me!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I had lunch today with a friend who knew of a 48 yr first baby and a 49 yr old 3 Rd baby so I have more hope!


----------



## Helen3 (Dec 2, 2010)

Hooray for 48 year olds having babies!!!


----------



## Guest (Jan 8, 2011)

Hooray indeed   I am 42, with a very low AMH, but we did get a natural BFP last year. It wasn't meant to be that time, and we've moved on to IVF now because of the AMH issue and the fact that the clock is ticking a bit.....

Think we've all just got to stay positive and do what we can to support our chances - take the supplements, eat as well as we can, cut down on the caffeine and the wine, and go with the flow- as far as it's possible when you're a weepy, hormonal wreck (that would be me)   My own mum was 43 when I was born, so I'm hoping there's some positive genetics there too  

Good luck everyone.

Jen xx


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

I am 45 yrs old in 3 weeks. I looked for and found a donor in Oct. I ttc in Dec, Jan and Feb using self insemination with this anon donor - me alone in hotel room with a syringe no partner no help no drugs no nothing
Got a BFP today.
There is hope lovelies.
Josie


----------



## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

congratulations Josie, you must be over the moon, have a happy and healthy pregnancy xx


----------



## Madasatruck (Jul 31, 2011)

Way to go Josie.....you are inspirational and I'm just delighted the doctors stats didn't stop you trying.   for a happy healthy pregnancy for you.


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

The doctors had no part in it. I just got on with it myself telling them I was off to do it. They looked bemused at me but agreed I had a chance.
And now, they seem to be very positive and saying nothing about stats or any reason why it won't be fine
BUT
I am really deep down anxious reading how many people dont have heartbeats at 7 weeks  
I have seen the sac yesterday at exactly 5 weeks but this doesn;t guarantee anything I realise...?
And having posted already in the singles/over 40s thread, I am really doing this anxiety alone. Quite overwhelming...


----------



## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Congratulations, Josie - what brilliant news. I know so well what you mean about anxiety (I have been through two post-40 pregnancies myself, at the ages of 42 and 46) but remember that you have already beaten the odds once. My advice is just to try to take things step by step - every day that passes is another step on your way to having your baby in your arms, and key dates like scans, midwives' appointments etc are all bigger milestones to aim for one by one. There aren't any guarantees and you will always have things to worry about (and that doesn't stop ever, even after they are born  ) but the odds are on your side. It's really difficult, I know, but try to keep away from the internet (other than Fertility Friends, of course, where there is lots of support, and which can really help overcome the feeling of being on your own) and try to enjoy your achievement. I had a really nice book ("A Child is Born") http://www.amazon.co.uk/Child-Born-Lars-Hamberger/dp/0385606710 which had really good photos of embryos developing, especially in the early stages, and I used to look at it regularly when I was pregnant to visualise how my babies were getting on, and to send them positive vibes and encouragement! I'm keeping everything crossed for you, and wishing you and your little beanie a happy and healthy pregnancy. PS: please feel free to pm me anytime if you want some moral support.

Ellie

/links


----------



## hopehopehope (Dec 8, 2008)

Josie, I know it's hard, but try not to get yourself into an anxiety spiral
over what could happen. Remember that the largest chance is in your 
favour xxx


----------



## MrsOgotherbabies (Jun 17, 2007)

Hopehopehope....Here is an article you should get your DH to read about Donor eggs and what happens when you carry them

http://www.bionews.org.uk/page_46274.asp

it got me and my DH past the whole DE thing..my DD looks exactly like my older DD who was conceived naturally...

/links


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

Ellie thank you for such a lovely reply and so so supportive. I have ordered that book as making it tangible is going to be very helpful. I know that anxiety is not helpful and I am acting as if I am going full term I assure you but in this place (maybe just in a couple of threads even) I can say my fears out loud, you know? But I am not letting it dominate I assure you. I am pg - that's a fact. So I have every chance. 
Thanks hopehopehope I know you're right - it's just good to hear it. I think because I'm so on my own with this, one can get thoughts a bit stuck so the fact that there are people being supportive here is amazing. Thank you x


----------



## Loll (May 2, 2010)

Josie- Your not alone chick you have your ff and your storie is amazing so chin up takecare of yourself and your little bubba    yeppie your preggers    
Loll x


----------



## Ellie blue (Oct 25, 2011)

Josie, thats truly amazing, you made me cry just thinking about you in that room all alone .  

You have done so well, keep thinking of living the life you have dreamed of and I am sure you will get there    because you are on the road to a fantastic new beginning. 

Good Luck and thank you for sharing your amazing success x


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

No tears for me - only joyful ones. I was finally doing what I have always wanted

Meanwhile
It's raining
I feel sick
I have v bad diarrhoea
Boobs are killing me
I can't sleep
I have a headache from hell

I couldn't be happier!!!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## MrsOgotherbabies (Jun 17, 2007)

Isn't it funny the things that make us happy at this point...Make sure you are drinking lots of water it will help with the headaches and keep you hydrated..

Keep up the good Work and Take care
Christina


----------



## fayster (Jan 19, 2007)

Congratulations, Josie!  Just found your thread and am thrilled at the outcome for you, lovely news.  Hope everything goes well for you.

Fayster (41 1/2 and firmly believing there's still hope).xx


----------



## heavenly (Sep 7, 2011)

Josie43 said:


> No tears for me - only joyful ones. I was finally doing what I have always wanted
> 
> Meanwhile
> It's raining
> ...


I am SO happy for you!  What an inspirational story! I wish you a happy and healthy 9 Months!! 

I feel like I am on the scrap heap. I am 46, no children. I was told last night at a Fertility Clinic that there would be a big fact ZERO chance of me getting pregnant with my own eggs with IVF, so we are looking at DE, which we are absolutely fine about.

My FSH 6.2, AMH 1.97, OH's SA absolutely fine. I have had no problems at all in the past medically neither has OH.....but I am 46, I got shown pictures on the computer and statistics...and that I should just give up and go with DE.

We need to save up so will continue TTC naturally, with a heapload of supplements to improve egg quality, and see what happens, I want to get pregnant naturally and shove it up their whatsits!!!


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

Today my early scan showed a slow(ing) heartbeat 
Hoping to continue to pray but not hugely hopeful atm
(Ok I'm sobbing)


----------



## fayster (Jan 19, 2007)

for you and bean, Josie.x


----------



## heavenly (Sep 7, 2011)

Keeping everything crossed for you Josie.  xx


----------



## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Josie
Keeping everything crossed for you - sending you and your wee beanie lots of     .  Might just be a slow developer - hang on in there.     

Ellie


----------



## 39already (Apr 13, 2007)

Dear Josie, It's such a horrible situation that you are in.  Just hold on, who knows what Tuesday might bring


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

here comes tuesday...
its been the longest week
i dont feel remotely pg anymore. im so full of despair but im trying to hold on some hope 
such a lonely road im walking
almost called my ex - which would have been pointless
anyway here we are with one night left
and just a few strands of hope remaining...
j xx


----------



## fayster (Jan 19, 2007)

Thinking of you.x


----------



## hopehopehope (Dec 8, 2008)

josie, i am so so so so sorry to hear things have taken a turn for the worst, I have been there myself  (bfp and single and having MC) so know how you are feeling. If it isnt good news tomorrow try again or start saving for a double donor (i can recommend some places if you pm me)

Lets pray for good news honey - you are not alone xxxxx


----------



## Muddyslippers (May 12, 2010)

Hello, I was reading your posts, Josie, in the middle of the night.  The night before my week 7 scan.  I too am single, nearly 43 and my progesterone has gone down a lot which implies I'm losing the foetus.  On the scan the couldn't make anything out - and there was no heartbeat.  They said go for blood tests( currently sitting waiting for them) but all the signs show that it hasn't made it.  I don't know what to think.  I'm not made of money to continue blood tests when all seems negative, especially if i'll need to pay for another cycle and immune tests etc.  and its a kind of torture to keep up the regimen when all I want is a bottle of wine and a cup of coffee!  So sad, yet they are not allowing me to be sad so I feel guilty for it!!  Double trouble.  Has anybody heard of a scan with no foetal heartbeat at 7 weeks result in a live birth??


----------



## hopehopehope (Dec 8, 2008)

I have, alexine on the 40+ thread , was told it was all over, 
Went back as she was still having bfp symptoms and they found a heartbeat 
At about 8 weeks. Xxx


----------



## Maybethistime (Oct 20, 2008)

That's amazing.


----------



## LellyLupin (Nov 12, 2011)

I was in the same position as you, I was told I had a virtually zero % chance of having a baby.  However the doctor telling me so hadn't carried out any tests, she just went by age (I was 43 when I saw her).  As others have said, you need to get your fertility levels checked first before anyone can tell you what your chances are.  I had mine done and my fertility is really high for my age (45 now) and I am about to start my IVF.  In fact the doctor said he had never seen levels like it in his entire career .  Everyone is an individual so don't let your age be your guide as I very nearly did .

Good Luck I hope you get a happy ending


----------



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

sorry to start up an old thread but wanted to touch base with people that knew me earlier this year.
i logged on to day and found a private  message in august from alexine - thank you for thinking of me
as i said to you in IM, Ive had a very tough time
after the horror of the m/c - goodness me they don;t warn you about labour pains ,  ive been trying again
I tried too soon - but at 45 I felt I had no choice, but it messed with my mind a bit
Anyway - still trying using DI but pretty lacking in hope. Due period in couple of days and have no expectation of a pg
Still on my own - luckily donor still around - but just don' t know what to do next...
DE? IVF? I'm just scared of these as on my own and fairly unsupported...plus have a heavy job.
Sigh.
Sorry for offload - just feeling bit alone with it all.
Josie


----------

