# Hello - I guess I belong here! Finding it all a little tough again



## gizmo123 (Nov 19, 2005)

Hello all,

I just wanted to pop over here and say hello - as I guess many of you reading this are in the same position as ourselves. Firstly, I know we are so lucky to have our beautiful little boy Oliver, especially considering everything I've been through physcially in my life. He is the most wonderful thing in the world to us and I can honestly say our love grows more each day.

Yet since about March we have been TTC naturally and no doubt I was silly and niave and suddenly forgot how hard all this can be- I think for some daft reason I thought I would be able to concieve naturally since being pregnant before - yet perhaps now I should start to realise that isn't the case. 

I braved it a few weeks back to have a chat to the GP who referred us back to the same consultant I saw before who was fantastic - unfortunately they have refused the referral saying all the previous tests should be repeated and therefore my GP has to organise these and then resubmit a referral. I saw him tonight and he was annoyed saying that with my history and 18-20 day cycles its obvious its probably due to me and therefore when the clomid was so successful before why waste time. I must admit to seeing both sides of their debate, but am also feeling disheartened as the weeks and months tick by. 

I guess I was silly yesterday... I truely thought we'd been lucky this month as I made it to CD 22 and I even got as far as Boots looking for Early Pregnancy Tests... I wandered round with 2 in my basket and then had the feelnig   had arrived... so there I sobbed in the toilets feeling so stupid for truely believing I could be pregnant    I must confess to sitting here crying at the moment. I think I forgot how bloody hard this is and perhaps also how badly I coped with it all before. Deep down I am terrified of the disappointment, yet I can't help craving a sibling for Oliver. 

I feel like the jealous individual I felt like 2 years ago - staring and feeling the envy towards anyone pregnant and feeling gutted as one by one all my friends announce they are pregnant again. We went out last week for a meal and they all had a giggle on having a sweep stake on 'who would be next' - I have never felt so uncomfortable thinking how they don't realise how hard things were before. 

I am sorry for 'off loading' here and I know so many using this site know exactly how hard these feelings are - especially considering I know how lucky I am to have Oliver - for whom I will always be grateful. 

Love, hugs and   who all who need it. 

I am so sorry once again for typing all this - I guess I just had to get it out somewhere


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Gizmo I know we've spoken about it before honey please don't apologise for offloading that what we're all here for.

I think its madness that they are wanting to repeat all your tests again, I had a brief discussion with my GP about what happens when I want to try again and they are insisting with try naturally for a while too, despite her having my gynae notes in front of her which states I don't have any cycle without clomid and am NEVER going to concieve naturally!

When will they start your tests?  I presume its the SA/ Prog/ LH etc?!  Its SO stupid  

Thinking of you hun.

Bev xx


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## JaneNewcastle (Jun 17, 2005)

Hello girls

I didn't know that you had to have a referral to a consultant to get Chlomid.  I thought that you would be able to get it from your GP?  It's crazy how they just fob us off with "try naturally for a while and see what happens" theory.

Jane
xx


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Jane I had hell of a fight to get clomid last time.  My consultant said you need to try clomid get your GP to write a prescription, GP said NO PCT policy etc etc etc... I ended up going to the consultant again and getting a private prescription... madness!!!


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## gizmo123 (Nov 19, 2005)

Hi Jame & Bev,

I saw my GP again last night and the earliest I can get our tests done are the 1st November - I know it isn't that far away really but it just feels like it - especially as I thought since being referred we'd "got the ball rolling" so to speak. 

I did hint to my GP about could he prescribe Clomid and he said not due to PCT rules etc and that it would have to be from a consultant. He also implied that the consultant basically wants all the boxes ticked by repeating all the tests - even though he totally agrees we have virtaully no chance of a natural conception. 

I am just beginning to feel like this is 'ruling my life' again how it did 2 years ago - and despite the wonderful days I have with Oliver the 'need' to be pregnant again is always there. I hate getting so 'emotional' about all this again - it is strange how you can forget how hard it all was before. 

Anyway, thanks again ladies for your support- it is much appreciated xx


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## pollttc (Nov 18, 2004)

Hi Gizmo
Know exactly what you mean - come join us on Broodies if you like.

POll


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I feel the same way hun - i am geting the real yearning to be pregnant - despite how amazing my little girl is, and how lucky i am to have her, i want a sibling for her and i want to go through it all again (yes, even the birth and the sleepless nights!)

Agree with Poll - come and join us in Broodies!

Sallywags


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