# DH won't come with me - can I do it on my own?



## PinkPoodle (Jun 24, 2006)

Hi, I'm new and in need of some advice

I'm 34 and married.  My DH had a vasectomy during his previous marriage, about 20 years ago (there's a big age gap between us  )

Anyway, he has said that if we went down the DIUI route, he would be happy to raise the child as his own, but he doesn't want to get involved in all the "medical stuff" before hand  

I am determined that this is something I'm going to do because I've wanted a baby for years now.  

My medical records at our GPs are still in my maiden name, so my question is, should I say that I'm single and ask to be referred, or should I tell the GP that DH doesn't want to get involved in the medical stuff and hope for the best? - or would this ruin my chances?  

Which ever I do, what is the initial route?  Do I just go to GP and ask to be referred to a clinic? or can I just approach a clinic directly?

Many thanks


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## AnneD (May 9, 2005)

Hi Pink Poodle,

I'm no expert on this but I do know that for the child to be legally your DH's he would have to be involved with the appointments etc.  There were various forms etc that we both had to sign at different stages of tx so that the tx had both of our consent.  My DH felt bad that I had to go through all the medical stuff and couldn't make it to every scan appointment etc but he was there for our main consultant appointments and for the times I really wanted and needed him there.  

I know it's possible to go through it alone but I really hope you can talk DH round as it will really make a difference to you. 

Good luck on your journey hun.

Anne xxx


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## HellyS (Nov 3, 2005)

Just wanted to re-iterate what Anne has said really...  right throughout the tx we have both had to sign consent forms so if you want the child to be legally your dh's then he does need to be there.

I do hope that your dh can change his mind and go through this with you as it is hard and I found my dh's support at appointments and during tx to be the one thing that kept me sane!

We went to our GP initially and he then referred us to the clinic.

Good luck with your journey and with whatever you decide to do.
HellyS
xx


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## emma73 (Mar 30, 2004)

hi - sorry you are facing this dilemma. Its a really difficult one - are you hoping for tx on the NHS? I dont think you can get treatment if you are single - I could be wrong but there are several criteria for NHS treatment and one of them is that you are part of a couple. Some clinics dont treat single women full stop.

If you intend to go pvt then you could go it alone I guess - but it would be difficult.  You get to the stage where where you know the staff quite well - and they you - and it may be difficult to keep up the pretence. Also you will probably have to have some counselling where you will be asked about male role models and how you will manage to bring up a child alone - how will you feel? Also there is the legal issue - though personally I dont think this is such a problem - but thats just me. 

I really hope you can get your husband to support you. After initial appiontments he really wouldnt need to be there much at all as its you that has the treatment. 

One other thing - there is a dire shortage of donor sperm in the UK at the moment - at my clinic in Edinburgh they are not treating new people with DI - does your nearest clinic have any sperm?       

If I were you I would call the clinic where you want to have your treatment and ask if they treat sinlge women with DI, if they have sperm, how long the waiting lists are and how much it costs. Sorry if you have done all this already 

Lots of luck to you 

Emma xxx


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## struthie (Sep 28, 2004)

You would both have to have counselling,but my dh came to two of my DIUIS,but couldn't get there for the other two,so it is possible,your dh doesn't have to be there for appointments but there will be a certain amount of paperwork.

Good luck xxx


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## tabbycat222 (Sep 5, 2006)

Hi There

If your DH's objection is just being 'there' but is keen for you to go through the process, I really don't think there will be a problem.  Undre the law, the requirements about receiving treatment together strictly speaking, apply only to non-married couples.  Your DH will need to sign paperwork but you don't need to receive treatment together as non-married couples do.  

Hope this helps - I can give you more detail if you pm me

tabbyxx


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