# don't know if I can bear it ~



## kathleenannie (Mar 23, 2007)

Don't know the ropes here so hope I'm not getting it all wrong.
Having a baby is all I've ever wanted- it feels such a sick joke that this is happening to me.
I'm so depressed and can't stop crying- how to people keep going?


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Welcome Kathleenannie!   

I don't know about everyone else but I survive one month at a time - keep hoping that this month is THE month. 

I keep going because having a child is so important to me.  I think most of us have bouts of depression and the "why me?" question, as well as the tears - it is totally normal.  And I have been very depressed over it.  My husband is used to even the littlest and insignificant things triggering the tears at emotional times of the month, we just have to keep going and work our way through it.

I hope that reading through these forums will give you some comfort and support, as well as some helpful advice.

Hugs

Sue


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

Hi Kathleen
welcome firstly to FF u have now found your savour 
Infertility is pants but with the help of everyone on here it makes the hard days easier to cope with and it's good to share the good days with your friends who REALLY understand you.
take care see u around
lol
lou xx


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## Julie-Anne (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi Kathleen,

Welcome to FF hun. I really feel for you as we've all felt how you feel but it doesn't make it any easier     I'm sorry your finding it so hard hun but your are definitely in the right place and have taken the big step of joining ff. I know from experience you will fine it to be an amazing support.  Like you having a baby and being a mum is all I've ever wanted and it is made worse that I've alway worked with children.  A helpful moderator will be along shortly to introduce themselves and give some information. Wishing you lots of luck hun    

Julie xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi kathleen and welcome to the site 

Maybe you would like to tell us what your trying to concieve problems are? Have you had any investigations? How long have you been trying?

Kate xx​


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## Tinker74 (Nov 20, 2006)

Hi Kathleen,

I been feeling very upset myself this week, and i don't know if I can say anything positive, only that I been trying to take it a day at a time,  I dont know what your situation is, but mine has been changing since we started this and the goal post have been moving futher away, but i just seem to find the strength to go on from some where deep inside of me

sending you lots of love

Kelly


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## kathleenannie (Mar 23, 2007)

Thank you all for replies- and so quick!
TTC for about 18 months. Just starting to believe that was stress related and that would happen when time right then hydrosalphinx spotted on scan. Complete shock- PCT and dye test coming in next couple of months.
Logically I know is not end of world but emotionaly- it feels like it. Each month is so long. 1st half is fine because there is stuff you can do- eat better, focus on positives, believe... By week 4 you know period is coming and is so hard.
Like Julie I work with families. I love it but sometimes it is really difficult. Have stepdaughter also- same story- I care about her but sometimes it feels so hard.
I look forward to getting to know some of you- sending hugs. x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF kathleenannie
I am sorry not to have replied sooner, I am on nights!

Seems you need a big Cyber hug right now 

I am sorry this reply is going to be brief the PC at work is playing up and Ive already lost posts tonight!
So am not going to risk it.

Have you found the hydrosalphinx area of FF?
CLICK HERE

One last thing depression is an illness hun, maybe see your gp and ask for some counselling, hopefully you will find some strengh again soon, your not alone hun, many of us feel depressed and very sad and tearfull I'm not sure what gives us the strengh to keep going I think its a sith sence/divine insperation and a gut feeling ((hug))

Take care hun If you need any more help just yell

Wishing you friendship,  and lots of   

~Dizzi~


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## missyb (Mar 19, 2007)

hi ya!! i just wanted to say i know how you feel. you can bear it as you've gone this far. Like some of the others who have replied to you, you just have to take it a day,week,month at a time, whatever works for you. I do feel like a bit of a hippocrite (hope ive spelt that right and not offended hippos the world over!) saying it to you as i know right now i'm having a wobble. The hormone circus are hitting town, i'm due on today and the urge to buy a pregnancy test is driving me mad!!! anyway, you have come to the right place. good luck and keep in touch. 

amanda x


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## [email protected] (Nov 25, 2006)

Hello Kathleenannie!
I'm so glad you have found this site, it will be your saviour as I have found! Sorry to hear about your problems hun, infertility is hard   . You will get lots of support, help & information on here, as everyone understands what you are going through.
Take care and keep well,
Karen x


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## infertilebuthopeful (Jan 23, 2007)

HIya Kathleenannie,
                          Theres not a lot i can say that hasnt already been said by the other lovely FF girls. But i can tall you that FF has been a life saver to me since i joined a few months ago. Just knowing that we are not alone in our journey through our infertility can be a comfort in itself. The support is second to none- the girls (and guys -sorry!) are fabulous. And i have laughed more since joining FF than i had in a long time- My dh cant believe how chilled out i am now, and he doesnt feel as overwhelmed by my emotions as i get lots of it out of my system here. 
Honestly hun,its great that you have joined and im sorry that you feel like poo at the minute. It can be so hard going but keep thinking of what you are aiming for in the long run babes- it will be worth all the heartache and tears, if you ever want to rant PM me  
take care hun
Kate (infertilebuthopeful)
xxx


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hello,

I have been trying for about 8 years and I know how hard it is and some days it all seems impossible, but I have read some of the stories on the message boards on here and I have spoke to a few people who have had a baby some way or the other and it always gives me some hope. It is hard but this website is the best place to be for advice and friendship.

I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey  

xx


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

Hi K-A,
ANother welcome to FF, hun.  I hope that meeting so many other people who understand what you are going through will help to ease your pain a little.  It is one of the hardest things to deal with, cos if you are like me, you wil have thought about your future kids for YEARS, since you were a little girl yourself, so it feels like you have had all your dreams taken away, as well as having the present day shock of bad fertility news.  

I try and cope on a one-day-at-a-time level, and also feel better now a process is underway and I am trying to do something about it all.  There is still hope for you being a mummy, so once you have done a lot of crying and grieving, i think you will find the hope creeps back in and keeps you going forward.

I hope all your dreams will come true, and in the meantime, have a big  

Clarey xxx


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## AFLAO (Nov 12, 2005)

Hi K,

It does feel like a sick joke. Mine was I'm a Midwife and couldn't really escape it all. What I found helped me though was to keep a journal. It really helped to vent your fustrations out. Some days you will write pages, and pages, other days just a short paragragh. It really helped me to get through it. Lucky you to have access to the site, so please do use it too. Although I'd registered some years back, never was able to go on it.

Also, I found the gym helped a lot (well the punch bag anyway). I always left with a smile. Also, there's yoga if you want something less energetic, it's not just about the bendiness, but the learning to re-energise when you need to...

Do take the advice of the moderator about seeing the GP though. They may be able to offer you some counselling, or alternative therapy that may also be of help. There's always Rescue Remedy, it helped me during my shifts.

It will hopefully work out for you too. I had embryo transfer a year ago this weekend gone, and it worked out.  
So, just wanted to say all the best and hang in there.
Let me know if you want a chat, just mail me, and I'll see if I can be of any help to you.

Spelthy


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## clove (Mar 26, 2007)

Hello Kathleenannie

I have just joined FF today and like yourself I am finding it very difficult to cope with and some days will be better than others for you but if you feel you need to chat, let me know and hopefully through FF we might both get some comfort.  

Take Care 

Clove


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## Greeneyed (Apr 12, 2006)

Hi there, 

I don't want to raise your hopes unnessarily but I assume they will be doing a lap and dye to investigate your tubes until then try to stay positive. I was diagnosed with a hydro on my left tube via a vaginal ultrasound last year, I then waited 3 months for referral to a gyne and another six months for the lap & dye.  I cried alot in those nine months and wondered why me, I wrongly assumed I had no chance naturally. 

When I went in for my lap I expected to come out with one or both tubes removed however when I awoke they advised me that both tubes were open and I just had a mishapen left tube, probably caused by tubal damage (the STI) and no hydro. 

It isn't really possible to assess your tubes properly with an ultrasound and you may find that one or both tubes are OK ( you can concieve fine with one  . If you do have a hydro it can be treated, meaning hopefully that your chances will be improved in the future. If at all possible, try not to think the worse, often things are not at all as bad as you think.  

The most important thing is now this is being investigated you can move forward. Well done for getting this far, I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Good luck with everything xx


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## ♥keepinghope♥ (Nov 28, 2006)

kathleenannie said:


> Don't know the ropes here so hope I'm not getting it all wrong.
> Having a baby is all I've ever wanted- it feels such a sick joke that this is happening to me.
> I'm so depressed and can't stop crying- how to people keep going?


sorry to hear your so upset. ever where i look there is pregant people and i just want that to be me to.. you must keep going on the hope that it will happen for you. we shoud never give up hope. this site is great for talking to people in the same boat. 
love and luck Txx


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## xyz (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi there.  I am new too.  I wish I knew how to make you feel better.  I try to read as much as possible about infertility (the local library is a brilliant resource) so that I know what the doctors are talking about.  It makes me feel a little bit more in control.  I am also very tearful and to my shame burst into tears when I found out a friend is expecting after their first month of trying.  I am so happy for her, but in that moment could only think 'why me?'  At which point I realised I probably need some extra support from this website.  You are not alone!  Hang in there!


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## Jada&#039;s Mummy (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi there,

I really feel for you, I know only too well the despair and frustration IF causes along with the heartahce, most of us girls on here are in the same boat.

One of the other girls mentioned the gym, I totally agree with this idea. When I was going through 1st IVF, didn't really do a lot, moped about, bit of retail therapy, nothing really helped. That was a BFN. So, we booked our wedding and I ploughed all my energies into that, until I'd organised absolutely everything within a couple of months!!

I'm a homebird, I could sit at home all day and be quite happy and content just pottering about, cooking, housework etc. I know it sounds boring, I suppose I've learnt to love home because of trying to save the pennies all the time for tx! But, before my 2nd IVF, I forced myself out of my comfort zone. I quite like to exercise indoors to a DVD, but I forced myself to go with a couple of friends twice a week to aerobics at the local gym - I loved it!! It has such a feel good factor. I also started Salsa dancing at various different places, tried to get DF to go but he wouldn't so me and a friend went - we had a ball! Both of these things made the week more eventful and fun.

I obsessed over my first tx, I had acupuncture, never touched alcohol from the first day of jabs, didn't want to over-exert myself, ate brazil nuts - all the things they say - it never worked. Second time round, I never stopped anything, although I only drank alcohol on 2 occassions. I really believe my frame of mind was so much healthier the second time and contribute that to the IVF being a success (I lost my twins at 16w though).

Unfortunately we have to carry on with our lives whilst ttc, so we need to nurture our relationships and live the life we love before it passes us by. It's really hard at first, but if you fill your life with feel-good activities, you'll soon be reaping the rewards and who knows what may happen for you!!

I really hope everything works out for you soon,

Love, Sharon xx


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