# Just found out that COTS aren't taking on any IPs - what should we do?



## pbgv1

Hi,

Just wondering if any of you kind people have any words of wisdom.

We've known for a while that we'd need a surrogate (dh had cancer and I had fibroids removed but was left with scarring, so lining can't thicken).  

We went to a Surrogacy UK conference and had a visit from a lady from COTs.  Decided on COTs, filled in the paperwork and got all geared-up for the next step....... but have just found out that they don't have any surrogates at the moment   She suggested to call back in December and see if anyone's come on to their books.  Gutted to say the least.

Not sure what to do now - do we wait to use our preferred agency or sign up with SUK as well?  

Elaine xx


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## Rowan22

Hi Pbgv1,

We're with COTS and the problem is that the wait is horrendous at the moment, especially if you want to do traditional surrogacy, like us. We waited over a year for the first contact with a potential surro but that didn't work out and now we're back on the list again. I assume that's why the books have been closed but I agree that it's tough when you feel you can't even do the first step. 

If you think Surrogacy UK's approach would be OK for you that might be something to consider. We didn't, as my dh is not a social animal, if anything he's the reverse and he'd hate large gatherings full of surros and parents and kids, which I think is the way this agency operates. I couldn't take the families either, to be honest, that still hurts too much. Alternatively, Lou Ghevaert, the lawyers, have just opened their own surrogacy agency, which we haven't looked into yet. 

Hope you find a way forward soon.

Rowanxx


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## pbgv1

Rowan,

Thanks so much for your reply.  Sorry to hear that you're back on the list - hope that you get matched up again before too long.  It's a tough old life isn't it?
I have to say I wasn't too keen on the social side of SUK - it felt a bit like we were in a room competing with other couples.  Might have to get used to the idea though!
I will definitely look into the Lou Ghevaert agency as well - so thanks very much for the info.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you - hopefully we'll all get there in the end!
Elaine xx


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## Katie88

Do you not fancy the idea of matching independently? X


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## NatGamble

Hi there
Just to give you the link to the new agency you've been discussing Brilliant Beginnings www.brilliantbeginnings.co.uk (and to say that Louisa isn't part of our team any more).
Do give us a call and we can see if we can help.
Natalie


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## Rowan22

Thanks, Natalie, I've had a look and I'll contact you.  

Katie, for some reason that idea makes me very nervous! I think it's because I would be afraid that it wouldn't work out somehow, things would go wrong. If you go through an agency, someone can mediate if there are problems and they can help you draw up the initial agreement. That's not legally binding, of course, but it seems better than making it all up as you go along. 
Perhaps it's just me, though, I am quite risk averse. If we had a family member who could do this for us, that would be different.

Pbgv, me, too.

Rowanxx


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## leesax

Oh you don't make it up as you go along if indy. People can always offer you agreements to use and offer support etc.

I have heard of things going wrong with agencies as well, it isn't as big a safety net as people believe.

I would try joining some groups and chatting to people rather than just wait on a list for months on end with no guarantee of a match.


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## jabbie1129

I just wanted to say I agree with leesax. Most of the surrogates I have met have been independent and against using agencies because of the costs involved for the IP's. If it was me I wouldn't sit and wait on a list hoping for the best. Good luck x


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## DaisyMaisy

Have you thought about international surrogacy? Xx


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## Katie88

What can an agency do that makes you feel safe? They are a massive con. I know people that are with agencies and they have no involvement with them at all. You shouldnt need a middle person to mediate. You match should be strng enough to communicate between yourselves. If you dont think you can then that person isnt the one for you

Xx


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## Rowan22

How do you find someone, though, Katie? I don't have the time to spend hours chatting on ********. 
I have to admit I am getting fed up with COTS, though, so far we've spent nearly a thousand pounds on this agency and we still have nothing to show for it. The wait is becoming excruciating, as it's now well over a year and I have got to the point where I think this will be the last year we try to have children, by any means. It's been ten years now and that's a large chunk of life. 
Daisy, we can't afford America and the problem with using India is the amount of time you have to wait for the papers to come through before you can bring the child home. How long did you have to stay there?

Rowanxx


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## DaisyMaisy

We used Ukraine. Feel free to pm me. Xx


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## leesax

I joined groups and forums and spent a bit of time online to get to know people and see where it goes. I work full time and have a large workload but I felt it is better to be proactive and chatting and getting to know other people rather than sit and wait for an email or phone call from an agency. 

So could be worth trying??


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## Raincloudsandlovesongs

Is there a possible friend or family member who could help you rowan? Surrogate Mother forum has a lot of surrogates waiting to be matched a quite a few are British.


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## Susieque44

Hi 

Just to say good luck in your search, l've been very lucky in finding a friend who offered to be my surrogate we should be transferring in the next couple of weeks. I never for one moment thought that a friend would offer to do this for me and certainly never asked but sometimes you never know who may come to your aid if they know your plight xxxx

;


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## Welshy10

Hi everyone
We are new to this site and just trying to find our away around it , we are on the cots waiting list and have been waiting a few months but it is very slow at the moment and haven't heard a thing  as you can imagine we are getting very disheartened at the moment, what are other options for us any suggestions ?  
Xx


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## leesax

Welshy10 said:


> Hi everyone
> We are new to this site and just trying to find our away around it , we are on the cots waiting list and have been waiting a few months but it is very slow at the moment and haven't heard a thing  as you can imagine we are getting very disheartened at the moment, what are other options for us any suggestions ?
> Xx


Hi
I would look independently, join ******** groups and online forums and start chatting to people. If nothing else you are getting to know others in the 'surro world' which is a huge support.

x


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## Welshy10

Tx I will look on ******** as you said it's always nice having support


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## Janey waney

Iv done bothand prefer to be Indi just cos ur with an agency dosent mean things can't go wrong I'm proof of that.  But it's totally up to you.x


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## kimjane5

don't give up hope im a GS surrogate im with cots and yet to find the perfect couple to help for my last journey iv been a surrogate twice xxxx


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## sukama

Hi all.  I am currently a surrogate for a lovely couple, we are looking to transfer in just over a week.  So far although we were matched via an agency, they really haven't done much other than charge for our introduction.  I have to say the IP's are very negative about the agency.

I thought the idea of a social event would be a good one, it is never easy to introduce yourself but at least you would know pretty quickly if you were a match or not.  Better than waiting for years on lists or trawling through social media, surely.

In all honesty, after reading through some threads (and similar sites) there are quite a few agencies or surrogates that pop up so take heart - they are out there!

x


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## Rowan22

We're still getting nowhere with COTS and it's now been 18 months. Very discouraging. All we ever get are emails admitting that everything's 'slow' and telling us to get more involved with the forums or update our profile. We've tried being involved with the forums but it's so discouraging when other people are matched and we're not. There's only so many times you can say congratulations through your teeth! As for the profile, there's nothing else we can add about ourselves, really. 

Know just how you feel Welshy10 and I wish I could tell you the wait won't be long. Unfortunately, they're quoting up to two years now. I think probably indi is the way to go if you have the confidence to try that. 

Good luck.

R


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## kimjane5

Rowan22 said:


> We're still getting nowhere with COTS and it's now been 18 months. Very discouraging. All we ever get are emails admitting that everything's 'slow' and telling us to get more involved with the forums or update our profile. We've tried being involved with the forums but it's so discouraging when other people are matched and we're not. There's only so many times you can say congratulations through your teeth! As for the profile, there's nothing else we can add about ourselves, really.
> 
> Know just how you feel Welshy10 and I wish I could tell you the wait won't be long. Unfortunately, they're quoting up to two years now. I think probably indi is the way to go if you have the confidence to try that.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> R


R are you GS or strait Ips? I know on the GS side of cots they are short of GS surrogates kim x


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## Rowan22

Kim, we're straight. I think COTS are short of straight surros, too.


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