# Fast forward 18 years...



## girlinspain (Mar 27, 2008)

Hi,

Our situation is different to many ladies/couples on here as I live in Spain and am considering whether to return to the UK for treatment as a donor/eggshare recipient.  It would be the easiest thing in the world to stay with our clinic here in Spain (excellent results, no waiting list, very happy with their care/treatment) but I do have concerns about the anonymity issue.
However I’ve also got some reservations about the situation in the UK (got to have something to worry about!).  

Can someone shed any light on whether a donor/egg sharer can refuse to be in contact with a donor-conceived young adult?  I can appreciate that some may not want to for a number of reasons – maybe they couldn’t conceive themselves, are in a different relationship etc.  Also is it possible that it could be difficult to trace a donor if they haven’t kept their contact details up to date with the HFEA.
I appreciate this may only happen in a few cases but I’m concerned that a donor conceived child from their early teens onwards could be looking forward to the day when they can be in contact with their donor and there could be some problems.  I don’t see much debate about this on FF?
Sorry for the ramble but any thoughts really welcomed
GirlinSpain


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi girlinspain
You ask some interesting questions and ones to which we won't begin to have answers for many years yet.  It is of course likely that a proportion of egg and sperm donors will prove to be uncontactable, have died or left the country without leaving a forwarding address etc. from 2023, which is the date the first children conceived since April 2005 will have the right to be given identifiable information.  But you also assume that a teenager may be eagerly anticipating contact at 18, and we are just beginning to understand that this may not be so for many...IF they have had the information about being donor conceived since they were very little.  Experience in DC Network (established for 17 years) is showing that many young donor conceived adults are very interested in half-siblings  but not particularly interested in their donor.  They believe that they should have the right to have the CHOICE to make contact with their donor but many (most?) are unlikely to exercise this right and much more likely to register with the HFEA's Sibling Registry - which incidentally opens for the first time tomorrow, April 6th, for first 18 year olds conceived since August 1991 (when HFE Act came into being).
In a survey of the eleven young people in our Network who will be 18 this year, none was likely to join this register immediately because they felt comfortable in their families and were actually involved in doing much more interesting things in their lives!  Now this doesn't mean that they won't register later, but it does give an indication about the lack of pre-occupation with being donor conceived for children and young people brought up in 'open' families.  By conceiving in the UK you would of course be giving any child the opportunity to join the Sibling Register as well as having identifiable information about their donor at 18.  Based on our experience, I think I can make a good guess at which information is likely to be more important.
Hope this is helpful.
Olivia


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## girlinspain (Mar 27, 2008)

Hi Olivia,

Thanks for your thoughts.

We would definitely tell/talk to a child at the earliest opportunity - I wasn't assuming that every child would want contact just that it may be a possibility.  I'm really encouraged (as I would hope) that young donor-conceived adults are more occupied with what they have going on in their lives rather than dwelling on a donated egg!.

The info on the DCN survey and Sibling Registry is also really helpful.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.


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