# how many children did you turn down?



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Hi Guys, 
those of you that have finally made it to be parents..how many Form E's did you look at before you found the child that was right for you? just wondered what the sort of 'average' was....

thanks

kjx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

we sadly turned down the first form E's (two brothers) that were brought to us. it felt awfull but if it isn't right you have to say no. luckily chunks was the second form E we saw and he was and is perfect  

pam xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

We didn't have to turn any away as DS & DD were the first form E's we saw,  Our SWs knew us well enough to know what we would say.

I feel sorry for people who have to say NO for what ever reason as it must be a very hard decision to make BUT you have to do what is right for you and the children who if they don't get placed with you, will go to another family who they will be perfect for.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## gillywilly (Apr 18, 2004)

Hi
Our 2 well again was first forms we looked at!!!!! I really gave myself a hard time afraid we were rushing into it but can say 6 months later they were meant for us!!!
Gill


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

We've not actually been in a position where we had to turn anyone down.  First time around Junior's Form E was the first one we were shown and he was just so right for us.

Second time around we actually had two Form E's to consider one from our authority and one from further away (Cuddles).  Whilst we were trying to decide which one to pursue a health issue came up with the local one which meant that we couldn't proceed and the decision was taken out of our hands.

It's not easy having to consider saying No to a child but it has to be really right for everybody, not just the child.

Cindy


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

thanks for the replys 
I'm finding this looking at Form E's the most stressful part of the process so far. getting to panel was pretty awful but this is worse.
We are looking at a sibling pair at the moment and i have a pretty good feeling about them, but its not the 'this is my child' definite feeling i was thinking i would get. If I'm dithering does that mean they arent right for us? its all doing my head in  i feel really stressed out by it...its the ages I'm dithering with..if I'm perfectly honest with myself I hoped we would get a younger toddler, nearer age 1 than 2 and the littlie in this sibling pair is nearly 2 (same b'day as dh, how weird is that?) the eldest is nearly 6 which is at the very top end of our age range. BUT there are so many positive things about them that make them feel right for us..maybe the ages are irrelevant if everything else fits well  i didnt think this would be so DIFFICULT 
we are meeting their sw on thurs so will get more info then...maybe i just need time...nobody's rushing us into any decisions just yet
sorry that turned into a bit of a moan...
kj x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

KJ
Good luck with your decision, I hope when you meet the SW you will get more info and be able to make a decision you are 110% happy with.  Its such a big decision to make isn't it?  It for forever and I'm sure not everyone thinks the children are 100% right for them when they get matched......
Love
OT x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi  KJ

Our girls were the first form we looked at, but our SW had turned other ones down on our behalf as she knew they would not be a suitable match.

Good luck with your decision

Karen x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

We saw quite a few profiles and forms before we got the one for Bubbles (6 or more as I recall).  Even then...and in fact right up until matching and meeting i wasn't 100% definately sure about her.  Her paperwork was made up of reports from each of her reviews plus her actual FormE (which was almost a year old by the time we read it). What we wanted to know was what she looked like, was she meeting milestones and how she was but it only really told us her lifestory and her medical and psychology updates.

Also it is hard to tell what is an 'issue' and what is a 'bonus'.  our wee one was constantly dedscribed as 'very active' and ' a bubbly personality' - we were quite worried until we actaully met her.  yes she is on the go all the time (and into everything and i mean everything) which can be very tiring but the plus side is that she is very inquisitive and outgoing.  What we thought was going to be a problem isn't as bad as we thought.

i am not sure you ever 'fall in love' 1005 through a profile or formE.  you picture them and grow attached in some way - I will never forget the children we 'turned down' - but you fall in love with your child(ren) once you meet him/her/them.

magenta x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

thanks magenta, your words were of great comfort. I'm glad you looked through quite a few Form E's, i felt like i was the only one!
I'm feeling a bit less stressed today, after talking to dh i realised i was getting in a stew when the reality is that nobody is forcing us into a corner at the moment and we really need to talk to the sw to get more of a picture. theres plenty of time..i was thinking i should know straight away if these girls were right for us but i'm trying to just let it all sit for a bit and hope that over the next week things will become clearer.
thanks everyone 

kj x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

KJ

I agree with Magenta, you can't fall in love with a piece of paper.  You can have a good feeling about a Form E but the child doesn't seem real until you meet them and even then it can take a while before you can think to yourself "this is my child".

Like you say you need to see the SW, get a better picture.

Hope things get clearer.

Cindy


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