# Support needed please...



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

My name is Briege and I am 40 years old. My husband, Mal (41 years old) and I have been undergoing fertility treatment at the RFC. We have been trying for a baby for 6 years now and visited our GP with our initial fertility concerns almost 5 years ago where we were led to believe that we would be treated within two years of that appointment. We had honestly no idea it would take us so long to receive fertility treatment.
We recently went through our first cycle of fertility / ICSI treatment at the RFC. Unfortunately, despite two embryos (graded 7B and 8B) being transferred on Friday 13 August, I began bleeding on Monday 23 August. The bleeding got markedly heavier over the next few days. Just after midnight on Thursday 26 August my husband and I did the complimentary pregnancy test given to us at the RFC on the day of the transfer of the embryos. It showed up positive and my husband and I were  absolutely over the moon with excitement and honestly did not sleep a wink that night. We were so thrilled to consider our dreams were beginning to come true for us.
We visited our GP the following day i.e. on Friday 27 August at 2pm where another pregnancy test was done and showed up negative. Our GP gave us another pregnancy test to do at home on the following morning ( Saturday 28 August). Again this test showed up negative. Mal and I are totally devastated.  
Can anyone out there offer us any words of support or encouragement please at this very painful  time?
Thanks in advance!


----------



## emak (Jan 21, 2008)

Hi Briege ,firstly im so sorry to hear what a rough time you are having at the moment and also the ridiculous wait you had for treatment at RFC .When you had the bleeding was it like a full period?? I think the best thing to do is to demand a hcg blood test at your GP ,this is a much better indication of a viable pregnancy than a hpt.Sad to say it maybe that either there was a small bit of trigger jab still in your system when you had the positive result ,but i honestly think that would be unlikely.Another reason maybe that your wee embie(s) had started to implant but you had a very early loss or bio pregnancy    this has happened to a few girls on here ,maybe they might come on and share their experiences .Either way im sure this is the most horrible  and crule experience to have to go through firstly a bfp then to have it taken away like that.
I can only imagine how you are feeling as i havent shared your experience but i do know how devasting a negative cycle is ,it will take time to get over this shock and to move on .Would you be considering further tx ,i believe there is quite a waiting list even for private tx at the rfc ,maybe worth checking out different clinics if you decide to carry on ,no point in more time being wasted.
Anyways ,if i was you go back to gp or even contact rfc and get a blood test done ,let us know how you get on.
        
Emma


----------



## boboboy (Feb 29, 2008)

Hi Briege
It does sound like a chemical to me , I had this on our last treatment - had a positive for 2-3 days and then by official test date it had turned to a negative.  The embies have tried to stay with you but something then happened and they went.  Its heart breaking - I found it quite hard to deal with and I am still upset at times when I think of it - was it working to hard ?  Not taking it easy ?  We will never know .
The only thing keeping me going is planning another cycle.  I am still trying to convience Dh as he is not working at the moment and is concerned about money .  
Have you decided if you will try again ?  Have you had your follow up appointment with your clinic ?

  to you mrs.  

BoBo


----------



## IGWIN79 (Jan 19, 2009)

Hi briege , i had a simaliar experience , and it was so hard to come to terms with 
I was due to test on the 15 but started to bleed on the 14 i thought no there is AF there is no way i am preg 
But i was , The night of the 14 i knew there was something wrong i woke up with terrible stomach cramps , they were away by the morning that when i tested and i was so happy but scared as i knew there was somthing wrong 
the clinic and hospital didnt want to know , later that day i passed the preg , i knew thats what it was but never told anyone 
Went to hosp on the 16 and they did another test it was a Neg this time , so we were told we had a miscarrige and pushed out the door , i was crying my eyes out   
I was told to go to the early preg clinic and they done bloods to comfirm i had a miscarriagea day later they rung with the results and they had doubled , i knew they were wrong , but everyone kept on saying be positive 
So i was then told viable preg , and waited for scan , scan came and there was nothing there they could tell were they were but they had left me    this had went on for 6 weeks in total 
I would do a few more preg tests , and if they come up neg , you prob have had a bio chemical    so soory hun 
but the HCG bloods can double and double even when youve had a miscarriage , i wish i had never had them they prolonged the agony of it all 
Its something that happens alot in fertility treatment and its so bloody hard to have it one min and taken away the next 
I think by the sounds of it youve had a bio chemial , Like emak said i dont think it was the trigger shot either 
i hate writing this as i know how painful it is for you , how are you coping?? i know its a silly question


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi.  I had this with my first treatment, pg one day and then 3 days later negative.  To make it worse i had had lots of pain in my sides and because i have had an ectopic 6 months before i was totally petrified that this was another! But thank god was not.


I hope that things become easier for you and that all your dreams come true. xx


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

To everyone who took time to read my post and particularly to those who replied, a huge big thank you!
As I am a newbie to this area I am not very sure what some of the abbreviations and terms used mean. Sorry!
Re. my bleeding it was extremely heavy and extremely brown. Sorry to be so graphic but to be honest it's the only way I can describe it. 
My GP has been wonderful. She has been meeting me over the past two weeks to have  one hour counselling type sessions with me. I am going to get blood tests done at the GP's surgery on Tues next. I will ask for the HCG test to be done but can someone please tell me what this is. 
Similarly can someone tell me what a bio chemical, trigger shot and  a hpt are please?
Re further treatment I have been told by admin staff at the RFC that my review appointment will take anything up to 12 weeks ie early December. I feel very let down by the support offer by the RFC. The ICSI treatment which was NHS treatment was excellent but I feel totally passed over now re after care. 
I have sent a few emails to a woman called Joan Couhig at the RFC who has yet to reply to me. I think she is meant to be the manager of the RFC.
I was talking to someone at Origin last week who promised to send me out literature re paid treatment there but am still waiting for this to come in the post. 
I am not only feeling very depressed about all that has happened but also very isolated so I genuinely appreciate all replies to my posts.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.


----------



## wee emma (Nov 15, 2007)

hi briege, I had the same thing too, i had 6 days of a positive result but like Sweetchilli i knew there was something wrong too and later lost it    

are you emailing her to complain about the aftercare? or is it info you are after from her.


----------



## IGWIN79 (Jan 19, 2009)

Ok hun , Trigger shot is the last injection you have to take before egg collection , in can stay in your systom for up to i think 10 to 12 days , i could be wrong on that one   
HCG test is to see if you have the hormone in you body when you are preg , and if it rises then they call that a viable preg you have to get on every other day to see if it is rising , and if it is they will send you for a scan some weeks later 
HPT is a home preg test 
Biochemial , i was told its a very early miscarriage , the embyo has implanted but unable to stay for some unknown reason   

It good your going to counselling i found it helped me alot , and i know how depressing it can be , it will take you time hun , for one to grieve and two to be able to get your head around all this 

my bleeding was brown then really heavy red and then eased of to brown again 

If you are not happy with the after care hun i would email a complaint , i have done a few of them latley   

You should def stay on ff and talk to alot of the girls as the support on here can help alot , and with talking to people who have been through the same thing as well can really help          

If you have any other questions dont hesitate to ask  (sorry for the spelling)


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again
At work I have told my colleagues that Mal and I had "a loss" i.e. a miscarriage recently as I don't think they need to know about our ICSI woes. (I haven't taken any time off work as I missed a lot of work last year due to the passing of my dear sister at 41 five weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.) 
Despite this, my colleagues continue around me as if nothing has happened and since losing my two wee embies - whom Mal and I have decided to call Orla and Conor - I have been told that three of my colleagues are pregnant; another colleague's wife gave birth last week and another colleague is due to give birth on Sat. 18 Sept. I feel tearful when I hear things like this. I honestly don't resent the happiness of my colleagues yet it hurts me and so my coping mechanism is to shut myself off from the others at lunch times etc. Can any of you advise me how to cope?    
Sorry to sound so needy but I am really hurting right now...


----------



## Hopeful NI (Oct 14, 2008)

Oh Briege I am crying reading your post, please do not give up hope. I will share my story, I have been ttc for 5 years, we started our first tx at Origin in Jan 08 and got a BFN, again tx at Origin in Sept 08 and again a BFN, 1 week after my BFN my sister announced she was 12 weeks pg. I broke down and thought I would never be able to go through it again, all my friends, relations where all pg and here I was not able to get pg and desperately wanted to. But sister is a gp in England and talked me into giving it at least one more go.
Jan 09 started tx in Origin and got our long awaited BFP, we had a beautful daughter Orla in November.
I had my NHS tx at RFC transfer was 19th Aug and got a very surprised BFP. I hope this hurt you any more, but what I am saying is, it is possible for treatment to work, please do not give up hope and I really hope and pray that it will also work for you.

  from me


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi Hopeful NI
Thanks for your reply. I am genuinely delighted for you. It is so ironic that you called your wee girl Orla and that she was born in November '09. My dear sister, Orla passed away on 12 Nov last year! I gave one of my wee embies the name Orla as a tribute to her. Do you mind me asking how old you are? I am worried that because I am 40 I am going to miss out on motherhood...


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Sorry Hopeful I forgot to add in my last message that my dear sister, Orla would have been 42 on 19 August this year!


----------



## Babypowder (Nov 1, 2008)

Briege, sorry that your treatment didn't work    

I think your totally right, the aftercare at RFC is a joke, I had a couple of unsympathetic nurses and the wait on a review is a joke, when all you want is answers and they tell you 12wks before you can be seen, especially when you feel the clock is ticking.

Pg announcements are so hard, like you say you don't begrudge others getting pg, but it does add to the why isn't it me feeling-think we've all been there, so dont feel bad.

Take time out and greive for your loss, forget what others say or dont say! I miscarried after my 1st treatment and I know some people though I should just get over it as I wasn't that far on, so hadn't really lost that much-but of course what people dont realise is what we all go through with treatment, I remember one of my friends calling me a bore because I didnt want to go out a couple of wks after it had happened, she thought it would do me good to have a drink!
After that my attitude was walk a mile in my shoes and then judge me.

Try not to be upset that your work collegues are dimissive of your loss, sometimes people dont know what to say, but do take time out with your DH , you've both been through a lot.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but in a few weeks or even after your review, you'll find the strenght to carry-on be it with more treatment or not, I swore I would never have treatment again, it was at my review my consultant said not to give up, so after a couple of months I came round to the idea of going again.

Im sure your sister will be watching over you whatever you decide.


----------



## boboboy (Feb 29, 2008)

Briege,
The announcement of yet another pregnancy always got to me.
I had my first bfn the day my sisters first baby was born - she got pregnant straight away with all her kids - I only told her a few years ago just what I was going through.
We attended all our friends weddings and then the pregnancys were being announced and everyone kept waiting for us to make the big announcment - at first we got slagged about it - then people didnt mention it -  I found the only thing that kept me half sane was to take up a hobby / sport / other interest.  This was the only thing to keep me going.  I threw myslef into my new sport and loved it.
It took us 10 years to achieve our dream but it was so worth it.
Dont give up - its like chess - plan you next move in advance and have a plan B , C , D etc ready.

Watching eastenders and could slap that Sam one !!!!!!


----------



## Hopeful NI (Oct 14, 2008)

Briege - My due date was 12th Nov, Orla was born on 20th Nov. I am 35, 36 in Dec. 40 is definitely not too old for motherhood.

I'm sure your sister will be there for you and guiding you along the way


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Briege


It is so hard to know how to react when people talk about their pg.  Personally i do the same as you, just shut off.  I have in the past tried to tell people but its such a risk that peoples response ends up upsetting me more, that now a days i generally don't bother taking the risk.  I am often left feeling more isolated than before, the worse thing is when people make flippant comments like, your only young you have plenty of time!  Just upsets me more.


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again. I hate to be thought of as a permanent whinger on here but Mal and I are both on a massive downer these days. All the replies have been great, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time and effort to post them to me. 
I think that I am so down as I am still trying to come to terms with losing Orla, my sister never mind losing my two wee embies as well. I'd love to be able to afford to take time off work and spend time with Mal but with the recession it's definitely not going to happen. When Mal doesn't work he doesn't get paid - literally! 
As for me in the past couple of years a number of my colleagues have been made redundant and so every one at work fears for their jobs as we have already been told another four are to be made redundant later this year! I hate having to put a mask on every morning before I leave the house so that when I arrive at work I appear really content and happy!


----------



## IGWIN79 (Jan 19, 2009)

Hun , you need to vent everything and that why were all here to listen and help if we can , so moan away hun , i do all the time lol 

It will take time hun , i used to hate when people said that to me ,but its true 
I thought i was never going to get back to normal ever ! but i did slowy , it still hurts to think about it 
you just need to talk plenty with you husband and help each other through this difficult time


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Please don't worry about being negative we have all been there.  It must be very hard to go through this process on top of loosing your beloved sister.  All of us on here have needed support and have felt down at sometime or another.  


I felt really low last year.  I looked at my life and what i can do to relive a bit of stress, i gave up my dep managers post and degraded my self to a support worked, 2 grades down.  LIfe feels so much more manageable now.  I know what ever you do it will not bring your sister back but i would urge you to look at your life to see if you could make any positive changes, just to help you cope for the time been.


Sending you lots of      positive vibes and    that you begin to find a bit of sunshine again. xxxx


----------



## boboboy (Feb 29, 2008)

Totally agree Coweyes - stress is a huge part in tx.
I took up a hobby - I started horse riding and now its a huge part of my life - i would go out for hours just mne and my horse - I always felt calmer when I came back. 
I also walk a lot as I have 3 dogs and even now I go out rain hail or shine and walk it out of my system.

I also now have a nice job - no stress and money only minimum wage but I am not a boss so just clock in and clock out and leave ti all behind.

Briege - we all come on here to moan to others - its a form of release as not a lot of our friends know about or struggle so we have noone else to talk to.  The girls here understand and thats the main thing. Also you realise your not alone - look how many members are on FF ?

Big hugs to you

XXX


----------



## Jillyhen (Dec 17, 2009)

Hi Briege

Sorry im onl replying to your posts now havent really been on this much an i wanted to take time to read them all. Dont give up on your baby dream 40 isnt old.We are attending the rvh and hopefully start ivf in jan.

I know how you feel when others announce their pg news its heartbreaking at the time and ive had a good    but hopefully some day our dreams will come true.

Take care hun

Jillyhen xx


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again
Hope you all had a nice weekend. My husband and I went away for the weekend to recharge our batteries at the coast. Weather wasn't great but we went for a long bracing walk along the shore. Got soaking wet but, as we walked and talked, the chips we ate never tasted better! 
My colleague who lives quite near me and whose house I pass twice every day sent me a wee text to tell me about her baby being born on Sat. I am sincerely delighted for her but I am in a quandary. Please help! I don't think I am ready to see her wee dote yet but feel I should buy a wee gift for him and visit her. She knows about our recent loss and so while I believe she'll understand my reluntance to visit her, I don't want her to think I am jealous of her by not going to see her and him. I am not jealous yet I don't want to fall apart either. Any ideas as to what I should do? 
Thanks again!


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Briege


Glad you had a good time.


Its a difficult one, can you not buy something for the baby that gets delivered?  Then you have done your bit, but can keep your distance, with out it being obvious.  


xxx


----------



## boboboy (Feb 29, 2008)

Say you have a stinking cold and dont want to give it to the baby - new mums are obsessed with people bringing germs to their babies so she will not want you near her !!!!  Terribel I know but then you can say I bought a little gift and I will give it to someone for you or post it out to you.


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again
Thanks for the advice! Might opt for the one re having the cold and get my husband (if he agrees!) to deliver the gift.   
I am really not sure yet as I am worried that my other colleagues won't back up my story for me! 
Today they were all asking me how mum and baby were getting along as they know I literally go past her house twice a day! I can'y believe how insensitive they are! I have been trying to avoid them all day but it's hard, very hard to do so!


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi! Went to surgery this morning for HCG blood test. Broke down in tears with nurse. DH spoke to RFC admin on phone. Told him my review appt is in Nov. Still waiting reply from email I sent to Joan Couhig @ RFC two weeks ago! Still waiting nearly two weeks on letter from Origin re my appt there for tx. Very, very down today as loads of people have been talking about arrival of colleague's new baby. Very, very hard keeping up appearances at work!


----------



## IGWIN79 (Jan 19, 2009)

Hey briege , i really think you need to talk to someone , i had seen a counceller and it does really help 
you sound like your right at the bottom  , you remind me of me 
Have you been back to your counceller ?
Can you not take a break for a while , and consontrate on you and hubby  , just take some special leave
I  told my work i was finding life very difficult and they granted me some leave i was of for about 6 weeks in total , and i found that helped me get myself together , yes money was a prob , but i had to get better , i had to look after me and my family 

Reguarding the email , copy it and keep sending it , i find if you annoy them enough they will answer   
thats what i did when trying to contact somone in the royal took ten emails but i got the answer   

Hun make sure you look after number one , massive hugs         

When do you hear about HCG test


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again. Seeing my GP again for more counselling tomorrow. Nurse told me HCG results will take a week to process. 
DH was unfortunately laid off work on Fri due to recession so he is concerned that I am going to be next giving our terrible run of luck this past while... 
Finally got reply from JC re RVH. Told me a cancellation appt was being sent to me today but didn't specify when it was... Will keep you posted. 
Do you know anything re. Beacon Hospital in Dublin as we are considering trying there for more ICSI? Apparently no waiting list as such. Makes a change! 
Thanks again for taking time to read and answer posts. Really really appreciate especially today!


----------



## IGWIN79 (Jan 19, 2009)

dont know much about the one in dublin , but i have being with care manchester and they are fantastic , they have a few clinics in england , dont know much about the prices as i done egg share , i know the lister in london is fantastic , emak a girl on here went there and was sucsessful and she thought they were brill to , but very expensive , she could fill you in more 
I think the clinics in england are far more advanced as well , care and lister the top ones 
Have you ever been to the support groups they are good as well ,a girl called sharon davidson  runs them and alot of the girls on here go to them , if you ask on the main board they will give you more details about them 

Sorry your having a real time of it , hope you dont lose your job , thats the last thing you need
but just remeber you look after number one cause no one else will   

Why dont you post in the board about the clinic you are asking about there is bound to be girls on here that have used it 

chin up hun , and if you need anything just give us a shout , we are all here to listen and help when ever we can , massive hugs


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again
Have been trying unsuccessfully to put a new post up. Please help! Thanks!


----------



## justone (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi again! I have decided after my review appointnent in the RFC to go on the waiting list for another cycle of ICST tx at the RFC. My colleague at work who is expecting twin girls in Jan was the object of attention earlier today at work. While I am really pleased for her, it was hard to be part of it considering all DH and I have been through with our two wee embies.


----------

