# How can I stop the daily knife?



## butterfeena (Feb 23, 2012)

Just after any tips anyone might have about how to stop feeling so utterly distraught I can't have my own children. Am currently at my fiancé's family in the USA and surrounded by 5 gorgeous children and I feel like I might throw up Im so sad and really struggling to be around them without feeling like I'm being stabbed in the heart constantly.


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

hi butterfeena,   You are doing really well, especially as you are playing the guest, it must be amplifying all those feelings being the happy perfect relative.
one thing that can work for me is to try hard to keep "present" and try to enjoy the moments rather than think about my own situation. Easier said than done, I know. 
I'm thinking it might be building up? Can you go for a walk in the morning every day? Just to get that peaceful time away, even if it is just a time for release of all those feelings??
Or something peaceful and kind of meditative to give your mind a break? 
Do you have any relaxation tracks or nice music you can listen to before you go to bed to relax? As it's a kind of stress...
Are there a few adult only activities that can happen to take a break? Is there an 18 rated movie that you need to go to one evening?!
Sending you support, love and hugs xx


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## butterfeena (Feb 23, 2012)

Dear Yogabunny

Thanks so much for replying - 103 views and only one reply - wow!

Actually it got worse before it got better with the kids asking me loudly at the family evening meal in front of everyone (except my fiancé was out playing basketball) 'do you have kids? why not?' and then another kid piping up 'she was going to have kids but then.' (cue parental interruption). I tried very hard to hold it together but couldn't and went for a 2 hour walk crying and sitting in corn fields. Awful. 

I've since had more sleep (I'm at theirs in the USA rather than hosting) and my fiancé clarified things with the adults in the family as it was a bit of an elephant in the room. Didn't stop two of the kids asking me again. I just said not everyone is so lucky - they now thinks e might 'get lucky' once we are married.

Anyway thanks for your thoughts and yes I have access to and am familiar with those things that do help, just need to try and keep myself away from the extreme darkness.

x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Hope things are getting easier, the lack of replies doesn't reflect lack of understanding, I think sometimes even us ladies struggle to find the words when we understand only to well the heartache xxxxx


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

hi butterfeena. i hope that it is getting a little bit better, even though it got worse first. I agree with bubbletastic, I think we all struggle to find advice and the right words, I knew as I was writing that I could not tell you anything you didn't know already. I find being a house guest quite hard work at the best of times, so I think you are doing really well handling it all. But please don't feel you are alone, we all understand and are here if you need to just rant, or share. xxx


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## kat1234 (Jan 26, 2012)

Hi butterfeena... You poor thing.... It must be so so hard for you out there at the moment. One things for sure is your not alone...I'm sure the majority of us on here have had to grin and bare the 'don't you want children' etc at family dues.I have 2 sisters go have both been pregnant Twice since I've been tryin, so people assume I'm the self absorbed and completely uninterested in having a child!

I too have been trying for 3 years and was at my lowest after my first failed ivf in January this year.. . I went  back at work the day after my negative pregnancy test and kept super busy, and just had my wearing sessions on my journey home. It wasn't Till a month after dh and I went away and I completely brokeDown an have never felt so low..... I found it especially didnt help that Emily sande clown was played in every shop store car journey you name it and that still makes me feel like I'm bing stabbed in the heart. I obviously hear it as soon as I found outans now that's all I think when I hear it  .


Xxxxx


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## katehe (Mar 27, 2011)

Wanted to re-iterate the same feelings. There is no real advice, we all just muddle thru the best way we can. I had a similar experience earlier in the year- usually I am able to avoid most situations (I try hard to be kind on myself) but on this occasion 2 of my best friends invited me out for dinner only to discuss their pregnancies - cue me having to be armoured all weekend- exhausting !  
As time goes on, I find I am more able to control my mind to choose not to get upset but I am still prone to crack!  Anyway, try not to torture yourself, although we all on here know the pain all too well. Xxxxxx thoughts are with you x


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## AprilShelly (Oct 5, 2012)

Hi Butterfeena,
I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Infertility is such a challenge and unfortunately not everybody understands how it affects the affected. You are doing really well and just remember children just say it as it is because they believe that all couples like their mammy and daddy should have children. I had my 7 year old niece ask me recently why I didn't have kids and my answer to her was that we were still looking in the baby shop to find the right child but God hadn't the right child in the shop yet. She was happy enough with that answer but did say that if we did find the right baby could it be a girl so she could have someone to play with. 
I find that meditation can help as can breathing techniques.
In the last few months I have had 2 new beautiful nephews born , a friend just delivered her baby, my best friend in the middle of my 3rd ivf announce her pregnancy and just today another friend announced her pregnancy and due in January. Her I am in the middle of the night and not able to sleep - sometimes we just have to go through it to survive it.
Hope you are feeling a little better?
AprilSHelly xx


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