# Trying to conceive at 44



## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Hello, I am new here on this forum.
I am 44 years old and with my partner (45) we have been trying to conceive for 18 months. We have had various fertility tests done (uterus and fallopian tubes scans, hysteroscopy, laparoscopy, and all the various blood tests and semen analysis. All came back as normal and my amh is even quite high for my age, 14.8, but of course this does not say anything about the quality of my eggs which must be really compromised now. 
We met with a fertility doctor last week (at guys) who did not recommend us  to go through IVF as it is costly and invasive procedure for very low success rate (2 to 5%) at my age. We left feeling quite confused, as all the other consultants we met though the fertility testing in the NHS, kept urging us to go consider IVF as our last option, but also very disappointed as what are the other options now? I am considering ED as time is ticking. 
Is there anyone else here in this situation? Have people eventually conceived naturally? Or are there people who conceived with ED?
Also, the odd thing happened in this cycle, my period came barely a week after ovulation (which date was tracked with the ovulation test) and much lighter than usual (some red blood, sorry for the details, and barely lasted two days). My periods were not due before Friday (so that's a week early) is that my pre menopause kicking in ? :-(


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## zeemck (Jul 31, 2018)

Hi blue1006,

My situation is not identical to yours (and my apologies if my post doesn't help given our respective age differences), in terms of age/AMH (mine was low) etc and the fact i have the added complication of endometriosis, however I am 39 (nearly 40) and like you, my husband and i had been trying for 2 years to conceive naturally, without success. We both had all the test done and there was no reason as to why we had not conceived naturally, other than low/poor egg quality on my part. We went down the IVF route and were told our chances of success were circa 12%. Once we embarked on the IVF, we then discovered i had cyst on one ovary and was told that it was so large, they would not be able to access anything from that ovary and we would be left with minimal eggs from just the one ovary, reducing our chances to less than 10%, as i say my egg quality was also low. We were also told that the chances of getting an embryo to day 5 would be low (if we even got that far) and that we would not be left with any for freezing, due to the low count of eggs and quality. We however decided to proceed, with the chances low, as we wanted to give it a go, with my own eggs and you do only need 1 to work along with luck. We were prepared for the worst as everything we were told had been negative from day 1. Following stimulation i actually produced 16 eggs from the 2 ovaries. Of that 12 were good quality and 10 subsequently fertilised. 3 made it to day 5 blastocyst, and we had one transferred back, the one we transferred back was the highest quality Grade A you can get (which we were told we would not achieve at the outset) and this in itself increased our chances to 40% (more than if we had gone down the donor egg route) and we were successful with the transfer and i am now very lucky and i am 7 months pregnant. We were also very lucky to have a Grade B and C frozen (which is a much better position than we ever imagined and better than some of my friends who have gone through IVF who are 5 years younger than me). So what i would say is i appreciate the stats are low and age is against us, however some of the reason the stats are so low is because of the samples of data that generate that %, the pool of ladies having IVF at 40 or above is significantly lower than younger age ranges and also the period over which the published data is collected (and how things have advanced since then), such as time lapse monitoring which we paid extra for. So whilst I cannot comment on ED as i have not been down that route, we tried with a low % and we were lucky enough to be successful and every person is different and until you embark on the journey, you just dont know how you will respond to the protocol. I think the things you may need to consider on how to proceed are 1) how important is it that you use your own eggs (for us, we possibly would not have gone down the donor egg route, so that did influence our decision significantly even with a low %) 2) finances and whether you can only afford one go at IVF be that own or donor eggs and 3) time scales, i do not know whether the waiting list for ED is long and that finances permitting you could fit in an own IVF cycle in the interim. All i can say and i do appreciate each person is different, is that don't give up hope if you do want to try own eggs, as for us is has worked when everything was stacked against us. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide.


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Welcome to FF  

There are ladies your age and older having own egg treatment: a lot depends on the financial situation you are in. Some women with a good amh/fsh will try one cycle of IVF (or a cycle of mild/natural ivf) and are how they get on, and then if unsuccessful make a move to egg donation (UK or abroad depending on your preferences for donor identification etc).

Have a look at the Over 40s area: there is a Own egg thread there that you might find helpful. Also look at the Donor area, there is loads of advice/support/information there.

Good luck xxx


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## blue1006 (Jan 10, 2019)

Many thanks to you both for taking your time replying to my message. 
Zeemck, what an incredible story and outcome. It does give a lot of hope and puts things under a different perspective. 
We came out from our consultation at guys with the sense that I should not bother trying IVF, hence I thought of the only alternative being a DE. I think on some level I am ok with it, sure I feel sad not being able to use my own eggs, not being genetically connected with the baby and, perhaps even more importantly, the question of later having to tell the child and how they may respond to this. However, as I read somewhere else, the bb would still have the experience having been inside me, being nourished by me and connected with me, but they would be different from me and I think I am ok with that. I yearn most of all carrying the baby and then being their mother. 
But the question remains, would I have regrets not having even tried once with my own eggs? 
Cloudy, you are right lot depends on the financial situation, something I need to discuss with my partner, we need to look at the figures. 
His first reaction to the consultant, who dissuaded us to try IVF, was to go ahead anyway with my own eggs. I suppose, I was more easily discouraged, and thought, why bother, let's go straight to DE. But then, even with DE there are no guarantees. 
Thank you cloudy, I will copy my post on to the over 40's area.
All my congratulations to you, Zeemck, and thank you again for sharing your very hopeful story.  
xxx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Blue - I appreciate how difficult it is to make a decision and you have to be comfortable with it. I was 45 when I first tried to conceive with IVF as I hadn't got a partner. I wish I'd tried before but always hoped to be with someone. I was advised due to my age, DE was the best chance of success - only 5% with OE so didn't even try as otherwise, couldn't afford it. I wish I could have had tried OE but I have moved on, and haven't regretted my decision. I went straight to DE and success rate is between 50-60%. My first two attempts failed so I changed clinic and with double donation, I was lucky and got a BFP with fresh cycle, my son is now 4 1/2. I had 3 frozen embryos. I was 47 when he was born. From a frozen cycle, I had my daughter at 49, and she is now 2. I also have two frozen embryos left and plan to have a further cycle. For me, DE was the route to success and I have a beautiful family who I would not swap for anything. I love them totally. I feel they are mine as I carried them. I hope one day they understand. You have to  be comfortable with DE when you do it. Some women do have babies with OE over 40, but success rate is low with IVF over 45, although obviously not impossible. It depends whether you have the resources to try it or move straight to DE.


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## Everythingcrossed42 (Nov 30, 2018)

Blue - I have literally just turned 43, we had our first cycle of OE Ivf late last year (I was 42) with PGS due to my history of miscarriage and my age. Unfortunately all the embryos were abnormal so we decided not to transfer them. We are now considering donor eggs. 
It really is a personal choice, if you have the finances and a clinic that will treat you and you are realistic about your chances then you might want to give it a go, but just be mindful it could take a couple of months especially if you do PGS and if it is unsuccessful you may feel you have lost a more time as DE doesn’t always guarantee success straight away either. For me personally I’m glad we tried at least once with OE even though it wasn’t successful. We are now trying to decide whether to try DE at home or abroad. Good luck.


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Blue
Do consider Tandem Cycle abroad if you wish to give your eggs a go.  Tandem Cycle is where a donor cycles at same time as you.  Eggs collected from both and then all embryos taken to day 5,  You then have the choice of putting back anything own embryos you have and/or donor back.
I know this is possible in Northern Cyprus with or without array PGS. 
TCCx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Thanks TCC for mentioning tandem cycling because I was trying to remember what it was called last night when I replied and my brain wasn’t working  

Xxx


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