# Bad day and feeling low



## Dopey2012 (Apr 20, 2012)

Hi All, 

It seems like everyone around me is falling pregnant and to top it off my best friend is too. Although I am moving forward with my test etc, I still feel like i am getting no-where, and i am so worried about what results might come out of my test although i want to know what the problem is, I can't help thinking the worse and that just makes the stress levels sore.

I have know for just over a month now that my best friend is pregnant, we have been the only ones that have known but she has her 12 week scan this week and although i am over the moon for her, it all seems a bit more real now & she can start telling people. 

I have no idea how i am going to cope with it as we work together too. Has anyone been in the same situation or has anyone get any ideas of what i can do to get me through this stage? 

I am so happy for her but I also feel guilty about the way i feel about it.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.


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## Cinnoam (May 16, 2011)

Hi Dopey2012,

I just wanted to reply to let you know that you are going through very normal feelings ( unfortunately!) and that you are not alone. I have felt exactly the same with one friend after another, and currently my best friend is also pg so I'm right there with you. I'm afraid I can't give you any brilliant pearls of wisdom, but I have been trying to cope with this for the last 3 years and I'm still alive and kicking!! To be honest I have mainly tried to keep somewhat of a distance from the whole 'baby scene'. Like you, I'm very happy for my friends but it is so difficult to be a part of their happiness when you so desperately want to be in the same situation. I also feel really guilty that I am missing out on being the best friend that I can be but I know that my friends would totally understand because that's what friends do. I know it's going to be very hard, especially as you are working together. Have you discussed your situation with the friend? It might be worth considering so that you understand each other. 

As I said, no words of wisdom, but I'm happy to chat further if you think it will help. Try to keep your chin up and do whatever you need to to get through this difficult time. 

Lots of love and luck xx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Dopey2012

Oh my goodness!! I know exactly how you feel!! I've had such a bad week! Just found out my best friend is pregnant and the announcement was totally unexpected to say the least so has really knocked me for six! I can't tell you how bad I've felt this week, thinking some of the things I've thought, I feel terrible. It's like I said to another lady on here, it's crazy what infertility can do to an otherwise sane mind! I've said the exact same sentence as you only this week "I don't know how I'm going to cope with this?!". We don't work together but we've known each other all our lives so it's like we're sisters really. Sadly like Cinnoam I don't have any words of wisdom, I really wish I did  All I can say is that you have to protect yourself and put yourself first, and if someone or a situation is making you feel upset or like you can't cope then maybe try and remove yourself from it/them - it's self-preservation  . I just hope that you feel a little bit reassured that you're certainly not alone with your thoughts and feelings or how you've reacted. I saw this thread the other day, not sure if you saw it? But there are some lovely comments on it that you might find helpful.....

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=286472.0

Big hugs


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## Dopey2012 (Apr 20, 2012)

Thanks very much Nosilab, that link really helped me and hopefully i have offered some support to Lexiecat as it seems we are both in very similar positions. 

I have told my BF how i feel and she does understand but I can't take the excitement away from her. She also tells me the words i don't want to hear 'it will happen', 'you are still young, don't worry it will happen' why do people feel that saying things like that will help you?

I am glad in a way that i am not the only one that feels like this cause sometimes it just feels like i am being so nasty and my DP doesn't understand the emotions that i am going through and that it is not me being nasty on purpose.

God it is just so hard


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Glad you found the link helpful  It just helps to know you're not the only one to think those things, that they are normal, however nasty or horrible we feel at the time - they are all perfectly normal reactions given what we're going through. That's what I'm telling myself anyway!

Hmmm, bit unfortunate that your BF is saying those things to you, not what you want to hear, or even need to hear! Things like that really don't help and only stress you out more. Sadly people that have never had to deal with this just don't understand that. Have you seen this.....

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=276276.0

You are definitely not being nasty, and DPs often find it difficult to understand how we feel, as hard as they try they can't feel the same emotions we do. Does your DP look on FF? Maybe if you showed him some of the other threads on here he might understand that it's not only you that has these thoughts/feelings?


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## LellyLupin (Nov 12, 2011)

Trust me its totally normal to feel like that.   One of my friends who has had ivf 5 times and has since had a hysterectomy, had these pearls of wisdom for me when my friend told me she was trying for a baby, and I was feeling similar to you after being told by an NHS doctor that I should just forget it due to my age.  She said everyone has a right to have a baby and that I shouldn't feel bad towards my friend for wanting what it is natural for her to want. Not words of comfort of course, but it certainly put it into perspective for me.  My friend it turned out had difficulty concieving and is now on her 2ww, she gets her result on Friday.  Even though I know I will have some reaction if she gets a BFP, I suddenly don't feel as jealous as I once did, in fact I feel more supportive of her.   and good luck xx


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