# How many more BFNs?



## ~SUGAR~ (Mar 25, 2006)

Hi Ladies

I apologise in advance for the lo-o-ong ramblings that follow but I'm sat here in tears and need to offload.

Ever since having Lola, I've been desperate for #2.

I can't quite believe how desperate in fact, and think in some ways it's even worse than when we were TTC #1, because then at least I didn't know what I was missing out on. And now, even though I'll be eternally grateful for the miracle that Lola is, and the pure joy she brings us, the want for another is tearing me apart.

In some ways I'm lucky because we've got a great batch of frosties....But we haven't got the batch of cash needed to use them 

So, I've been taking Clomid for the past 3 months.

I've used it before and never responded, but hoped that it might just do something and my body might respond better after a pregnancy, seeing as I was actually having regular-ish periods (about 56+day cycles) for the first time ever. Well this month I had a + OPK on CD16 and was over the moon. I realised that we'd probably been having BMS too early on previous cycles as I appear to be ovulating ( a miracle in itself, but no guarantees of egg quality) on Day 17-18. So plenty of BMS at the right time this month and becasue of this, such raised hopes, despite _trying_ to keep grounded.

I can't tell you how many POAS I've done since having Lola- so many I've lost count. _Every_ month I'm convinced I'm pregnant, and every month I'm not of course.  I'm 36 and want a big family as close together as possible. (I'm one of the  ones who'd have been elated if I'd had a BFP when Lola was only a couple of months old!), so need to be cracking on.

Well I thought AF was coming over the weekend, but she didn't. Then my symptoms changed (sore boobs, CM, pulling feelings in c-section scar, aching hips) and again here I was thinking, OMG we've actually done it, fuelled on of course by the OPK, and the fact that today is now CD35 and 16DPO with no AF and lots of 'symptoms'. I've been knicker checking like a loony for 3 days now.

So, I tested this afternoon and, you guessed it, BFN. On the plus side - cheapie test and afternoon pee so will of course repeat in the morning, but I just know, I flaming well KNOW that I will be faced with yet another BFN.  

I'm not really expecting any answers, but thanks if you've even manged to stick with me this far.
Jo xx


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## CAZ1974.CO.UK (Jan 8, 2007)

Hi Jo just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world Hun,really hope when you test again in the morning it will be the BFP you so much want....good luck and heres loads of         and        

love caz xxxx


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## ready4Family (May 14, 2004)

Hi,

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your result.  IF is so devastating and I know the feeling of so wanting another.  I jokingly blame our son for being so wonderful cause if he wasn't, I would probably want to stop at one.  Anyways, we've had 4 BFNs this year so know the heartache it brings....and the hope that you have in the meantime.  It's a good sign that you got a postiive OPK.  I hope that the clomid works for you in the future or that somehow you'll find the money to try FET.  (Isn't hit awful how this costs $$$?)


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## jrhh (Feb 6, 2006)

Jo 


         hang on in there.

Jacks x


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## Edna (Mar 19, 2005)

Jo,

Your post could have been written by me...I bought a HPT today and so of course AF arrives. It certainly doesn't get any easier .

At least you seem to be ovulating so there is a chance. 

lol 


Edna


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## ~SUGAR~ (Mar 25, 2006)

Thanks for the tea and sympathy  

Edna, isn't it ALWAYS the way? If ever your waiting for AF to turn up, you can guarantee that a test will do the trick. What are the odds that I don't even get to POAS tomorrow cos she'll be here by then. oh well, at least it'll svae having to face another BFN  

R4F- so sorry hun to hear of your tough year and those BFNs, but you're so right about the reason why we're so desperate is because of how wonderful our wee ones are! I continually count my blessings, despite getting down about TTC #2

Thanks for listening Caz & Jacks-


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## cruelladeville (Mar 13, 2006)

Hi Sugar

I'm not at the trying again stage quite yet so can't really relate but I just want to send you loads of luck!


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## spjulac (Oct 2, 2007)

I could have written your post. We had our daughter in 2005 and went back for our frosties last year, but they didn't take. I was devastated and tried a second IVF after that and got no eggs. I sort of know we are at the end of the road for #2 but I don't want to accept that. 

I echo what you say, it seems worse because I know what I'm missing and worry that I didn't appreciate her enough when she was a baby. Also all the friends I made when I had her are now on their second, and I know I'm unlikely to join them.

Good luck on your journey. You aren't alone.


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## Kitty Q (Nov 15, 2005)

Hi sugar I remember reading your diary (great read by the way) you had Lola a month before I had Aimee.
I can relate to your feelings and we too are thinking about using the predictor
kits.We have been trying for the last 6 months  ( I'm 40 this year time is ticking by ) 
You are defo not alone.Your daughter is beautiful and a blessing to you both. One day 
you will be jumping for joy for no2 ,us ff girls won't be beaten. Good luck kitxx


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## ~SUGAR~ (Mar 25, 2006)

Well as expected, it was another BFN this morning, followed a mere 20 minutes later by the heaviest AF ever   So there we go Edna, as if we needed more proof...  

I was so upset this morning, but glad that AF did finally manage to show her ugly face, as at least now I've had a good cry, got it out of my system and can move on from this cycle.

Thanks for all your support. I've had a lovely afternoon counting my blessings as I've played with Lola.  

I'll give the clomid and OPK another go next month, but after today's news, DH (who was also convinced we'd done it this time) said he'd promise to find a way to come up with the funds for FET...just hope it doesn't involve a water pistol and a pair of tights over his head!!


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## Edna (Mar 19, 2005)

Sugar,

  

Sorry to read your post. Everything crossed for next month. And great news that your DH is going to find the money for a FET.

lol


Edna


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## lotsky (Sep 29, 2006)

Hi

I ve been reading your posts- could your irregular long cycles be a sign of PCOS?, obviously I am no doctor but some say getting the PCOS sorted if it is that can regulate your cycle alot better ( treatment can be an operation such as ovarian drilling, or take pills called  metformin ). Also OPK s cannot be trusted if you have PCOS due to the hormone levels in PCOS sufferers. 

I didnt even know i was a sufferer until I went to the LWC in London & they saw it on an echo ( Id had millions of other echos before at other places and no one ever mentioned it to me before.. - Im the PCO without the S- No overweight, no acne no nothing-  They put me on Metformin an apparently it improves egg quality which can be weak in sufferers. anyway I got a BFP at this clinic within 6 weeks despite 3 infertile years leading up to it. They also spotted my hubbys dodgy swimmers.

Obviously Im speaking from my story which yours could be something else- but irregular and long cycles is the big giveaway to pcos ( even if you dont have ANY of the other symptoms such as me )

get that checked out an maybe its a pointer to success xxx


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## LilyAnne (Oct 18, 2003)

Hi Jo,
Thanks for posting - you've made me feel better, although I wish of course neither of us were feeling this way. Like you I'd have loved the miracle number 2 when DD was 2 months, but I am now accepting that we'll have to have treatment again which really scares me due to its cost.

Recently I've been wondering how on earth I can feel so sad inside at all about my fertility when I have such a perfect DD - she really is so wonderful I nearly squeeze her to death every morning! But I think it must be that until my family feels complete, infertility will always be a black cloud over me as something I still haven't yet overcome.

I really hope we (and everyone else) gets the news of their dreams soon, so we can finally relax and enjoy our miracles and family.

Lots of love, Lily. xxx


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