# Very emotional tonight



## Eims (Jul 20, 2010)

Please excuse for venting, I'm just ridiculously over emotional tonight. My dh and I have a beautiful 14 month old little girl from diui, she was 5 years and many treatments in the making. We would love another baby, we never thought we'd be so lucky to be even considering a second miracle. But if we want to have treatment I have to wean my little darling. She's nearly 15 months and happy, healthy and a right little monkey. We've reduced feeding to twice a day with no real trauma and we've just started cutting out her bedtime drink. My wonderfully supportive and amazing dh has put her down the last two nights with lots of love and cuddles. And I'm downstairs bawling. What am I like!! I know it mightn't seem like a big deal but to me it really is. It's making me resent infertility in a whole new way. In an ideal world my daughter would self wean whenever she is ready. I hate the thought that I need to stop feeding her for treatment that might not even work. And I know that I'm so lucky to have this dilemma. But I'm still very very sad


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## Clarissafallon (Mar 30, 2012)

No advice unfortunately, just hugs and sympathy.  We are in a similar position.  Our LO is nearly a year old and we want to start another round of IVF next spring in the hopes of having a sibling.  I am dreading stopping the morning and night feeds.  He screams uncontrollably if he does not get mummy milk and refuses a bottle.
I can relate to your resentment.  I know how fortunate we are to have our little man, but I hate that I have to stop BF before we are both ready.  I can't help but think 'what happens if this is my only chance?'  Will I feel guilty that I stopped BF if treatment does not work?  At the same time I am very aware of turning 40 next year and not wanting to delay any further.  
On the up side we have had many wonderful months of nurturing our babies and are making choices which are about giving them a great future as well.


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Oh Eims   I know exactly how you feel. I had to stop bf in Dec last year when my DD was 16mths & I hated it. Especially when the cycle failed in Jan   However, now that I'm carrying her little brother or sister I barely think about it. You have given her the best possible start, and way beyond what is expected  
xx


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## Artichoke (Jan 7, 2013)

Hello

Just a thought, do you really have to stop breastfeeding? Have a look (well listen  to this http://mumsright.libsyn.com/index.php?post_year=2007&post_month=11 (click on the POD "button" next to the header "IVF and breastfeeding") by Jeany Elliott an Australian Breastfeeding Counsellor who has 3 children and has breastfed through successful IVF and FET. There's quite a bit of positive information on the net if you look for it.

Artichoke xxx

/links


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

I have no words of wisdom to offer unfortunately as have never been in this position, but I just wanted to send hugs to Eims (and all above who have experienced the same) 
You sound like an amazing Mummy and Daddy , and the love for your lo pours out of your post 

I hope you feel a little better about things today 

Angie x x


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## HazelW (Mar 6, 2009)

Eims, I feel your pain, I really do.  I've done extended breastfeeding and my dd is 4 and still feeds to sleep. I've read the article linked by the pp and made the decision not to stop feeding and not to tell the clinic. We had a couple of frozen cycles that didn't take, but they did prove I'm ovulating. I'm certain they didn't work because the clinic didn't time the transfer properly or because they were 2d embryos. Plenty of people get pregnant while they're feeding, but we've all got so much more invested in treatment, both emotionally and financially.

I'll let you know how I get on and hopefully you'll find it helpful.

Having said that, if she's gone to sleep without it, that's a massive step and it's a hard one to do. You can always feed her during the day if she asks for it but maintain the no feed to go to sleep. Them if she's busy she won't even think about it.

Big hugs to you. Xxxxxxx


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## Purple Star (Jun 10, 2011)

Eims, just wanted to say I also understand exactly how you feel. My son has just turned one and still feeds regularly. Even the thought of stopping brings me to tears; we both love feeding and it is such a special part of our bond. 

I'd love to have a sibling for him, I think he'd make a great older brother, but I desperately don't want to sacrifice my bf-ing relationship with him for a baby that may never exist. 

Sorry, I don't have any advice but just wanted to say that I totally get where you are coming from.

x 

p.s. Thank you for posting the link Artichoke.


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## Eims (Jul 20, 2010)

Thanks you so very much for replying to me, each and every one of you. I'm so touched by all your lovely words and thoughts. I'm doing lots of reading and thinking around treatments and feeding at the moment and I'll check out that link Artichoke, thanks a million. Hazel I'd love to hear how you get on, every possible good thought to you for another miracle.  Huge congrats Bundles, great to hear of such wonderful news. Clarissa I'm 38 at the mo so feeling the age pressure as well, my clinic said I'd have to be finished feeding 3 months before treatment which edges me closer to a baby at 40 (how the flip did that happen!). Anjelissa thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a kind post, I'm emotional as it is these days but that made me well up! But in a good way x

I am feeling a bit better this evening. We did a new bedtime routine where baba had a toast and night night milk (in a beaker ) sitting at the coffee table on a little stool, then story, cuddles and up to bed. I found it much easier and she didn't look for a drink from me at all. She wasn't thrilled going to bed but my dh worked his magic. Venting here and getting such lovely support helped too big time. I think we'll just see how this bit goes and take it from there. In the meantime I'm getting the rest of my house in order if you like, smear, saline scan to check c-section scar, prolactin and thyroid blood tests done (and interestingly both came back within normal ranges). Onwards and hopefully upwards I suppose. And no tears tonight


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## Eims (Jul 20, 2010)

I've just seen your post Purple Star, it really is awful, there's so many what ifs and like you said are we sacrificing something for nothing! It's such a special part of our relationship too. I'm already looking forward to our early morning feed tomorrow. It's an aspect of infertility I had never even thought of before now and I do feel beyond lucky to be at this point but it's still horrible.


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## Purple Star (Jun 10, 2011)

I'm glad tonight was better Eims, sounds like a good little routine.

Best of luck with your next steps, whatever they end up being. I honestly don't know when I'll be ready to start the old IVF ball rolling again; I'm in such a happy place right now, I don't want to be back in the world of clinics/ bloods/ scans/ injections etc! 

xx


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## Eims (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm so scared of that too. It's such a dark place. The only thing is at least we have our little mouse to come home to, whatever else happens. I reckon you should enjoy your happy place with your small boy for as long as you possibly can x


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## HazelW (Mar 6, 2009)

Eims, today is my otd so I've just tested and I'm pregnant! I've fed every night the whole way through, so screw the hospital, they don't know anything!!

Good luck with your treatment! 

Xxxxx


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Congratulations Hazel that's lovely news   Having thought a bit more about it, the reason I stopped was the downreg drug. I didn't want to pass that on to my LO. 
xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Congratulations Hazel 
That's wonderful news! 

x x x


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## HazelW (Mar 6, 2009)

Bundles - if the down regging drug worked orally, you wouldn't have to inject it! Even if there's a tiny amount in breastmilk, it's unlikely to affect lo. Might just make it taste a bit odd though!!


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm so glad to have found this post! Thank you Anj for the link. I am exactly in the same position. LO is almost 10 months and I'm planning to cycle in Jan. thank you Hazel for giving me hope too   Wishing you a very stress free 38 weeks xx


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