# Advice needed - difficult decision at 41



## rosesjoy (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi Ladies - i'm hoping you can offer some advice. I'm 41 and have a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Me and my partner have been ttc for five years and have had four miscarriages. The last one rocked our relationship to the core and we separated for some time but are now back together.
Following the last miscarriage some blood tests came back and I was diagnosed with Hughes Syndrome - a blood disorder which is the likely cause of the miscarriages.
We now face the agonising decision of whether to try again, knowing that because of my age we could miscarry again. 
Half of me has the 'you only live once' attitude and wants to give it a go but the other half of me think 'can i go through a fifth miscarriage'. My partner has been very supportive and I think will do what ever I feel comfortable with.
Any views would help - i don't feel I can speak to friends and family about this - thanks all  xxx


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## Bianca74 (Mar 10, 2016)

Hi Rosesjoy

I am sorry about your miscarriages..I have never been in your situation but I didn't want to read this without leaving you a message..

I am going through Donor Eggs IVF at the moment..but it is just because of my age...old eggs   For a  blood disorder  you could  maybe go and see a  clinic that specialise  in multiple miscarriages and they should be  able to tell you what are your best options.
Infertility is a very lonely place ...so happy to talk if you ever need

Take  care xxx


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## rosesjoy (Feb 4, 2013)

thanks bianca - much appreciated.


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## mrsmcc7 (Aug 16, 2011)

Hiya

I was actually tested for Hughes a few months ago after MC's and failed cycles, however after the first test was positive the second came back negative.  My mum has a history of recurrent MC, as do both my sisters and in some ways it would have been good to have had a diagnosis of Hughes even just to know where we stood.
You can have treatment while pregnant to stop MC, so it's well worth asking for a referral to a specialist as it doesn't have to stop you having a successful pregnancy if it's managed.

Good luck.

S x


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## rosesjoy (Feb 4, 2013)

thanks for replying S - my doctor has said i will need to take asprin before trying then it will be daily injections if I do manage to get pregnant.


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## KitKat05 (Sep 5, 2016)

Hi Rosejoy

Golly, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages.  I don't know anything about your diagnosis of Hughes Syndrome but do know there are clinics that specialise in high risk pregnancies.  For example, at the John Radcliffe in Oxford they have The Silver Star Unit.  I think, for this type of unit you would need to be referred by your GP but there must be something similar near you.  It would definitely be worth asking your GP.  

Good luck!


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## Zeka (Mar 7, 2009)

Rosejoy, when you say daily injections, do you mean blood thinners? If that's the case, lots of clinics use that protocol as standard anyway along with Aspirin. Have you had a consultation with any of the main London ones (ARGC, lister, FGA etc) to test the waters and see how the protocol could be tailored to your needs. I hope you find its quite straightforward and they can help you. X


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## Ozmund (Sep 9, 2016)

Hi Rosejoy, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages and diagnosis. I have had 3 miscarriages and am 41. Was similarly wondering whether to try again realising now that another miscarriage is more than likely on the cards. Saw the RMC consultant on Monday and she has said she will prescribe steroids, progesterone and low-dose heparin if I become pregnant again.  I haven't been diagnosed with anything so far although am heterozygous for prothrombin gene (which normally they don't treat) so perhaps this is 'standard' treatment over 40 if no anomalies found.  I'm also thinking of going to Coventry for Dr Quenby's NK cell test and the endometrial scratch to improve my chances of implantation (and give a better idea of steroid needs), and look at taking DHEA (I already take coq10) once I have my AMH levels checked so I can throw everything at it too.
Fingers crossed for you x


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## Ozmund (Sep 9, 2016)

BTW my consultant said definitely NOT to take aspirin before 8 weeks as they are no longer certain it has benefits.  This may of course be different if you have Hughes Syndrome.


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Hi Rosejoy,

So sorry to read about your losses.it's soul destroying. I don't have blood clotting issues,mine are nk cell/tnf problems but like you I have thought about stopping rather than risk more mc's but feel that it would be more painful to stop than keep going and loosing and I don't want to think "what if" futher down the line, so as long as I am able too then I will carry on. Asprin and clexane will easily treat your clotting and give future pg's every chance to succeed. As zeka says most clinics prescribe these for their ladies and I have always used them with no issues at all. Some ladies never have a reason as to why they have a miscarriage so take hope from the fact that yours is easily treated. May be worth going to see one of the clinics that deals in immunes and having futher tests to check there are no other issues if you haven't already had these done. 
Ultimately only you can make the decision about what to do. Lots of luck


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Hi Rosejoy

I'm so sorry for your losses and the dilema you have now.  I think unfortunately only you can know what the right choice is for you and your personal situation, have you considered counselling to help you make that choice? My story is not the same as your but has some similar elements, so I can empathise with the situation you found yourself in.

My husband and I took 8 years on our journey, after 5 years, aged 39 and having had 4 miscarriages I was broken, my issue was immune problems part of the treatment being aspirit & clexane. But also my age. I didn't think I could take any more but knew I couldn't give up trying & went to a counsellor who really helped me get my head straight in only a handful of sessions. When I got pregnant again I felt stronger and ready to deal with whatever happened.  That pregnancy gave me my son just before I turned 40, I went on to have a further miscarriage at 41 & my daughter at 42.  In trying for my 2nd I knew the risks of miscarrying was high by needed to do it for me personally I coukdnt take the risk of not trying and looking back in years to come and regretting it.  I had given myself a deadline if I wasn't pregnant by 42 I would give up and also IVF was not something I wanted.

Every story is different and everyone is different but thought it may be useful to share one that has echoes of yours.

Good luck with your decision
Rx


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