# Effects of stress during 2ww post IVF



## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

Hi all,

I'm 1P2DT. I've been trying to remain as zen as possible however my job is not making this easy at all. I'm trying to distance myself from stress however my boss' boss is panicking and is taking a lot of that panic out on me in the form of extreme micromanagement, which gets me incredibly stressed. I'm trying to tell myself that it's just a job however in the moment when I'm getting clobbered, it's not that easy. What he's doing and saying isn't actually fair (or accurate!) however I am being expected to deal with it. I have booked a 1:1 with my boss tomorrow to see what I can do, but I'm really worried about the effect of stress on the IVF outcome. I can safely say that my boss' boss is going to be panicking at me for at least one more week, and probably afterwards as well, but does anyone have any links to any studies (not other forums) to the effect of stress on IVF? I'm really scared that he'll stress me out to the point of it not working. I'm really really really trying my best to remain zen but when you have somebody micromanaging you and basically telling you that you don't know what you're doing (even though you know that's rubbish) it doesn't make for a very zen environment. Not an easy one anyway  I practice yoga and I meditate before bedtime but when I'm in the office he can be insane. The joke is that he knows I'm going through IVF too and I've JUST come back from sick leave which I took due to stress. So no idea what he's playing at.

Thanks in advance.


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## Pinkchick (Apr 2, 2015)

Hi Violeta, I'm sorry your having such a tough time at work just now, hopefully you do get to speak to your boss about it, he should not be taking his stress out on you. 
I'm a nurse in a really busy oncology ward and went back to work 2 days after my embryo transfer during which there was lots of stresses with infection control inspections, and lots of other changes going on in the ward. I was also worried about the impact this would have but it was still successful. They do say to try and stay as relaxed as possible but the lifestyles a lot of us lead, whether they are trying naturally or through ivf means this isn't akways possible. I also used to listen to an ivf meditation that was on spotify on my breaks and when I got home to try and chill me a bit. Really hope things improve but if you feel the stress is getting really too much then why don't you go off sick? If you do then make sure it's put down as work related stress then he needs to pay attention to the impact it's having on you. Good luck with everything xx


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## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

Thanks, pinkchick. Unfortunately I've only recently come back from a three week sick leave (due to stress and triggered by my miscarriage) so am not sure that I'll be taken seriously if I go again. I have just written down some honest bullet points in preparation for my 1:1 with my boss tomorrow and I'm now sitting in the kitchen in tears at the thought of going in tomorrow; it's been building up all day. I'm going to bring up the fact that I've only recently come back and that I'm still not 100% (which I am not, although I may appear it on the outside). IVF is in itself really stressful and I'm emotional over that too.

I'm trying to work out how to put these thoughts across professionally but it's really difficult because a lot of it is to do with how it makes me feel. Which is to say, stupid, inexperienced, unappreciated, distrusted, stressed and incredibly busy due to a doubling of the workload because he can't help but micromanage. I've read three articles on how to manage a micromanager today but none of them were a great help. I doubt he really cares about how it makes me feel because he thinks I'm bad at my job anyway, even though I'm not. 

I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed but he really isn't making it easy for me. I'm so unhappy and stressed and I'm just so worried that my worrying about it will have a negative effect on the IVF. But I don't feel I can say anything like that. Can I?


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## Caprily (Nov 23, 2014)

Hi Violeta
I didn't want to read and run - definitely writing down the bullet point will help you tomorrow and I really hope it goes ok for you.  Sometimes these people need things pointing out to them so they can reflect on their behaviour, especially if they've never had to deal with assisted conceptions in their own lives.
I notice you are in Denmark so I'm not sure what the law is there but in the UK, once the embryo is transferred, then you are treated as a pregnant person for the 2ww and for 2 weeks beyond that and are therefore subject to the same rights accordingly.
The feeling of work stress is just so horrible so I do sympathise with you there - I kept my IVF earlier this year to myself at work and it was very stressful managing it with an awful manager who tried to micromanage me even though I'd been at the company for 7 years (not in the same role).  I took 3 weeks off after my cycle failed and had to explain why.  Then, a couple of months later I was made redundant anyway !!  So a job is a job and we are just numbers so please put yourself and your cycle first.  I have just spent an amazing six weeks on paid gardening leave and it has been so stress free and lovely while I do my FET.  

Good luck to you xx


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## mogg77 (Nov 9, 2014)

Hello violeta, sorry your boss is being an idiot, especially after the hard time you've had previously. I just wanted to share that I had just about the most stressful tww ever in March, starting just before transfer when my partner was hospitalised and placed in intensive care. But it was still successful unbelievably- I also was sure it would have a detrimental effect. I saw a great quote from a fertility specialist who said if stress stopped you conceiving no-one in New York would have children!


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## cinnamon75 (Jan 13, 2014)

Hi Violeta,

I echo the others, I am so sorry to hear you are having to suffer high levels of stress during your 2ww. I was laid off unexpectedly due to the closure of my workplace the day after ET and I was so upset and stressed about money, legal matters, mortgage payments etc, that I thought my 2 day transfer embies would never stand a chance but my cycle was successful too so please try not to think the worst. I remember that day after ET I was getting myself in a pickle crying over losing my job after 12 years, then crying because I might be ruining my chances and it was such a vicious circle of stress. 

Try to relax as much as possible when you get home each day and good luck with your 2ww x


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## Hails (Aug 1, 2011)

Bad news, took my af today... I had all those faint positives to end up with this today... Start io tomorrow again, scan in the morning, here we go again..Hard to be positive.. Congratulations to the BFP...


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