# Impact on Other Life Decisions



## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Hi Girls !

I wonder if any of you have had similar dilemmas about making big life decisions because of IF.

We have recently been pondering moving house because a little extra room would be nice.....we are currently in a 2 bedroomed lower villa with a garden and use the second bedroom as a dining room.  However the only affordable larger properties in our area are modern 3 bed semis...2.4 children land.  I just know that if we moved to one of these houses we'd probably be the only childless coupe in the street/estate and that would make us even more acutely aware of our situation than we are at present as our current street has a mixture of housing and lots of couples (young and old), and people living on their own.

Thus it is easier to stay put, although the extra space would be nice.

Does anyone out there live in a family house in a family friendly estate ?  Is it upsetting or do the advantages of a larger house outweigh the disadvantages ?

Thanks,

Eilidh
XXXX


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi Eilidh, havent heard from you for a while! 

We used to live in a 2 bed terrace(sdaughter was in 1 room and us in another) but we didnt have much space or a garden. We got married and had disasters moving (typical of our life really!!!). We really wanted the bigger house for the obvious reasons.

We did move and even tho we havent had any babies i love our house. It is a 3 bedroom semi with extended room downstairs and another sitting room(which we have still to decorate). I still thought we might need the "little room" but an slowly realising that we really might not. I intend to finally decorate it next year(i hope).

with regards the family thing and 2.4 kids, we are lucky as our neighbours on both sides are in their 50s- one couple have 3 older kids between 20 and 30-although i suppose might bring grand kids one day but at least they dont live there day in day out!!  The other lady on the other side is single so no worries there!

If you want to move i would - we nearly bought a house across the road(where young kids and babies did live). it fell thru and i am glad it did! its a hard decision to make but decorating your new house could be a good project too. i wouldnt worry about the other families thinking you have no family.Its none of their business!!! My neighbours think my stepdaughter is mine and although sometimes i would like to disown her i keep my counsel! They hear the rows through the wall! 

Good luck!


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi EILIDH

Oh, I can totally empathise with you huni, IF is such a BIG and C**P part of our lives - it affects ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!

I'll give you my experience.

We lived in a lovely little terraced house in a brand new estate.  I absolutely loved it, we were there 5 years.  However, all the neighbours started having babies and I'd sit at the bedroom window in tears as I watched 3 of my neighbours all go up to mother & toddlers/baby clinic pushing the prams into the distance ...... I felt like such a freak and an outsider.  It was horrible.  This just got harder and harder for me to cope with so we came across an old country house, just outside the town where we lived, within its own private grounds, which had been converted into flats.  We decided to move there.  

Having been here nearly 5 years now, I am beginning to hate it too because I feel isolated up here - because there is NO-ONE around!! Its out in the country and I feel trapped!!!  There are no babies or families to compare myself too but it feels lonely and I still constantly think about my IF every day.

So - I really don't know what the answer is huni.  I think IF is such a huge issue, it is unfortunately going to be an issue wherever we are.  We cannot run away unfortunately and we cannot escape.  It always comes back to bite us ....

My advice would be, if you want the extra space - go for it.  A new start can only be a good thing ??  

I think no matter where we are, in time, we learn there is no escape and we slowly, begin to find our own ways of dealing with it. ......

Good luck in making the right decision,
Love gill xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Eilidh
So lovely to hear from!!!!
I found your post very interesting and it struck me like Gill how much this IF affects us in ways that i never thought would be possible (I cannot believe that i worte pissable) ha ha... ....My, its hard!!!!
I can really understand your dilemma, in moving....Have you thought about getting a piece of paper out and drawing a line down the middle. Over the course of a week write the pros and cons of staying put and the pros and cons of moving. Keep adding and you will form a pattern of what you want to do...
Its like banging your head against the wall, but Eilidth you have made bigger decisions in your life on IF, so i am sure you will get there...
The only thing i will say is that these new housing areas especially with cul de sachs, attract families. However if you have a good look around and speak to the Estate agent i am sure they can point you in the direction where it is more couples and the odd family. Maybe look for a house that is not located near a good school, because that it the aim for many couples with children..
I found the most strangest thing registered for me about 6months ago. I live on the end house of just three houses. My neighbours one of them is 92 without children, the other couple are middle aged with no children also. How bizarre and to add to the group of childless couples we are now the final house without kids...maybe i was jinxed from the beginning? Or maybe it was to my advantage as i love my elderly neighbour. Who by the way has supported me over the years, but however i do find it spooky...
Great to hear from you...sorry about the dilemma...i hope you come a new decision as Irisheyes said this could be a new positive project that may be good for you...
Love astridxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there

We actually bought our  4 bed home specifically with the intention of populating each and every room so pretty much live in the environment you describe.  

I know we're all different but to be honest it doesn't bother me in the least, in fact I actually find it quite funny watching the grumpy adolescents complete with ipods,  bad attitude and mobile phones slump their way to the bus stop every morning.

Good luck with what ever you do.

flipper


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## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Thanks Girls,

It is so interesting and helpful to read your replies and how you have all approached this issue.

One other dilemma we have is that moving upwards in this area is more than likely going to double our mortgage payments, and we don't know whether we really want the extra financial commitment (less money to spend on holidays and treats which really keep us going and make us appreciate the advantage of being childless !).  Such a tricky one !

Astrid ....your idea of doing a pro and con list is a really good one....thanks for that.

I find the whole house moving thing very very emotional and have already had my fingers burnt once.  When I was around 30 and we still hoped that we would have a family, we moved out of the city and bought a 3 bed detached on a huge estate.  I hated it !!!!  Not because we didn't have any kids to fill it (the house itself was fab) but the location was just souless, with very few amenties etc.  (Gill, I appreciate your feelings on this ) We then spent a miserable 2 yrs saving up before we could sell it(at a loss) and move back to the city and downsize.    So we really lost a lot of confidence as far as our housebuying skills are concerned .

I think what we'll do in the meantime is spent this autumn/winter doing a bit of decorating in our own place, so that come next year, if we do spot somewhere we want to move to, we'll be in a position to put ours on the market.  Alternatively, we may be so pleased with the work we've done that we don't want to sell    .

Thanks again for your replies...it's nice to be back  

Lots of Love 

Eilidh
XXXX


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Jumping in if I may.

Astrid - you saying about the strangest thing, we live in a small road in a village, my next door neighbours used to live in our house years ago (I know strange enough), they had trouble conceiving!  It took them years, they now have 3 children and are retired.  Another couple in our road had IF problems - they now have a 6 year old.  My neighbour opposite couldn't have children - we've often wondered if it's our road!!!    ?

We'd love to move to somewhere bigger but love our bungalow so much and the area and have thought of extending but what we want to do is just too expensive, so do we do just a bit of it or move, we can't decide!!  We're lucky enough to be financially happy and very weary of going into debt - oh the dilema.

Bye for now
Nix


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

ooh interesting...the flat we were in for 5 years had a childless couple in it before us - and I strongly suspect they had IF troubles too (think my radar is finely tuned!!) They moved out and have now got a little baby. We recently moved - tho not to where we were meant to (stressful and complicated reasons!!) and are renting for the time being before we can face looking to buy again - Eilidh - know what you mean about no confidence in house buying skills !!  

I reckon you should do what feels right in your heart - and don't rush anything. One good thing we did was that we spent 6 months (slowly) getting things ready for the big sell - ie painting those grotty bits and sorting the garden out etc - but mainly chucking stuff out. So that when we put it on the market it all came together pretty OK.

Good luck with whatever you decide   
ruby xxx

ps i wonder if certain houses/streets really do have that childless thing going on? I have heard of a term in Feng Shui of houses being 'locked' (not with a key obviously... ) I think this was the term? Anyway - I wonder if that has any basis in truth? Probably not...


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Your theories unfortunately don't work in our case. We decided that as we were going to have children (ha!) we'd buy a bigger house and move. WEll, here we are unable to have children, but the couple who bought our small 2-bedroomed place now have a child, and the people we bought our current house from had two children, both conceived in the house we bought. So it's obviously just us.


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

This topic is typical of how IF controls our lives  

Eilidh ... perhaps you should try and avoid houses in estate locations and like astrid said avoid locations near schools which attract families, we live in a quiet road which is largely bungalows (always a good option as you are almost guaranteed to be neighbours with older people !)

My advice to you would be this ....(1) decorate your own home and find ways of being ingenious with colours and space saving ideas to make the place "feel" bigger this will help you to feel more positive about staying but will also add value to your place
(2) register as a buyer with the estate agents to get properties sent to you ....
trust me if you are meant to move the "right" house will find you.

We were in a similar situation when we purchased this place, we wanted more room and we wanted a garden but we were worried about losing our life style and ending up being surrounded by families, I had hundreds of house details sent to me (poor tree   ) there were lots that I liked bits of but had doubts about but that is the beauty of being in this position .... You don't have to comprimise!

When the details of this place came through my door, I fell in love with everything about it, it was perfect ... we went to view and I just felt at home, I felt like I belonged here.

The nice thing about doing this is that (1) if you are meant to move the right house will find you (2) you get to spruce your own home up (3) you may find that there is nothing better out there worth going through all the hassle for and so you will feel more positive about staying put for a while longer (4) you are being pro-active and taking control of your own life 

Good luck
Dydie

PS
If you are worried about those poor trees you could always register online ... the main website that covers all the big estate agents is rightmove.co.uk


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

How ironic!
Never-mind the house coincidences, this thread has been very helpful to me!
We're hoping to put our house on the market this weekend. 
We're currently in a three bed end terrace and years ago would have wanted four bedroomed detached-but this was at the time when, like Flipper, we thought we would fill the house with children.
Now, however we are considering cottages out in the country, but it's interesting what Gill said about being  isolated-it's certainly something to consider.

Rather than have the 2.4 children, my ultimate aim has now change to that of being one of those crazy women you see on the television who has about 100 cats in her house and who shakes her fist at all the young people around her. I'd also have to wear a scarf around my head and plastic bags on my feet instead of shoes.I suppose I could even stretch to sticking something pointed on a stick and pokeing pregnant people when I'm out in public.
Ooops! just had a loopy moment!


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Oh pink panther, that just made me burst out laughing! There's many a time I would love to poke a stick at pregnant women!!! 

As for the house in the country, we live in a rural village with no amenities. It's an 'older' village, i.e. full of older people rather than a baby-boomer village. The house next door has three children aged between 6 and 10. In the evenings while sitting in the garden relaxing after work, we hear, and see, them bouncing up and down on their trampoline fighting, bickering, having fun, laughing, arguing, etc, until their dad/mom has enough and shouts "right bed time NOW". When they've just had another fight, we sit with smiles on our faces thinking how peaceful it is our side of the fence.


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Oh, how I know how you feel!
I was walking up some steps in a shop recently where a woman was struggliing with a child who had decided to sit down and not get up, the poor woman looked at the end of her tether and you know what? I was glad!, and walked past her gloating that I could swan off and do whatever I wanted without a screaming brat around my ankles.
Seriously 'tho, I feel such a wicked person that often the only way I feel better about IF is by hopeing that people regret having children and suffer with sleepless nights etc-how sick and twisted of me.....
Anyway, must go, or I'll start bawling (again)
xxxxx


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