# Goldies IVF/ICSI Part 19



## Rachel (Mar 10, 2004)

New home  

Lots of love and luck to you all


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## JackieB (Aug 23, 2005)

Sculley - Really sorry to hear of your BFN.  Hope you and DH are giving each lots of love and support. 

Cesca - really, really sad for you.  I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling just hoping you have a lot of love and support around you.

Lorri - you were right, AF arrived yesterday morning.  Expected it to be nastier and heavier than normal, but it's the same as ever (which i nasty enough)!  How are you and DH doing?  I'm still feeling quite delicate, the least little silly thing can cause a lump in my throat.  I have made one decision though, and that is to get a new little kitten in the new year!  DH isn't so sure but he knows he won't be able to stop me so I've asked him to get me one for my birthday which is mid January!  Obviously, it will never be a replacement for Ronnie, but I like having 2 cats and once he gets used to it I'm sure my other cat will love having a new companion.  We are also going to look into adoption - haven't decided 100% whether we are going to def. go for it, but I just can't face the thought of a lifetime without children.

Love and best wishes to everyone who has recently had bad news, and good luck to all those still waiting to test.  It's about time we had some good news on this board.

Love
Jackie x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies ..finally worked out how to put info at the bottom of post about ourselves!!! Thats age for you!!!!


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

Lorri - I was so sorry to hear your news, there is nothing that lessens the disappointment of the hope invested.  Glad to hear you have an engrossing hobby that can help you to beat out your frustrations.  Take care.  

Cesca - I was sooo hopeful that this would be it for you - to be almost there must be devastating.  I do not know what to say other than never give up hope it can just suddenly happen even at our age 

JackieB - The emotional rollercoaster does leave us feeling very tender.  Reaching crossroads in our lives and deciding which road to takes also take courage and can also be a release to allow new things to come in.  I wish you well on your path 

I know that this time it hasn't worked either as have none of the symptoms of last time.  I did two tests at the weekend and not even a hint of a line so I am just waiting on my AF to arrive in the next few days.  I do not feel as devastated as the first time around just hate the hormonal crash -I took myself off the evil cyclogest once I got the BFN as it was bunging up my system terribly.     This seems to have helped all the cramps and sore boobs.  What next who knows - my age is against me and I so want my life back to normal for a time.  I will probably go for the lap that they proposed in May and will decide if we wish to keep pursuing this course for another try or let our life takes us forward on its great big adventure with the joy of god children, nieces and nephews to enjoy.

Big hug to everyone and lots of    Come on you girls we need some positives here   
Nuala


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nuala ..isn't your proper test date 2 or 3rd of november coz if it is ,it might not be all over.Levels may not be high enough to pick up on the pee stick.


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

hello all
have already posted on introductions bit but thought I would here too. the AI failed - period arrived a week later. Actually felt quite ill - headaches and nausea. Am going back to the Lister for follow up but haven't decided what to do next. 

Probably a silly question but - Do the hormones (injections) stay in your body for a time or will they have all gone now? I'm just wondering if I'm still a (bit!) fertile from last month?? 
thanks and thinking of you all. x


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies,
Sending everyone who has just had BFN results   .
  
Cesca, I was so sorry to hear about your mc...I'm sending you a huge   too. I hope that you are getting lots of love and support from all those around you. This is a dreadful time for you and I want you to know that I am thinking of you....

Zora, that's great that we will be going through our 2nd IVF's together in Jan. How are you feeling about it all ??  I am dreading it but trying to stay calm !  I have to ring my clinic up this month for them to arrange when to start my drugs next month.  I may ring them tomorrow or does that seem to eager ?

Lorri, Hi ! You asked if I was going to do long or short protocol.  Do you know, I have no idea ?!  What's the difference ?  Is the long protocol that you take longer to d/r   I really dont know ! I did that last time but by accident !  The drugs weren't a high enough dose !  

Hi to Kazzie, Nuala, JackieB, Sculley and anyone else who I have missed out unintentionally.

Try to stay positive even though sometimes it is so hard to do......

Love to All,
xxxxxxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - I haven't quite had hangovers yet, but have certainly been consuming a lot of alcohol - got a glass of white wine beside me now. It really helps, but hope I am not turning into an alcoholic - don'treally care that much though right now! Saw your history and felt very sad for everything you have been through, you must be very strong and brave. 

Jackie - Getting a kitten is alovely idea, and something positive to look forward to. I always have 2 cats too. I got a kitten when I moved to this house and my 2 get along just fine (they both love the dog too). We are both still pretty sad, but getting there. 

Sculley - Its great to have something nice to look forward to. It will help you get through this.

Nuala - Don't give up,its to early to be sure. I hope things turn around for you.

Kazzie - What's AI ? Sorry for being ignorant, is it some kind of insemination ? I don't know how long hormones stay in system, sorry. 

Hollysox - Short protocol is d/r at same time as stim (about 2 weeks), whereas long protocol you d/r first, then stim. Oldies usually do short, but it depends on clinic and your profile.

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi goldies.. Have had a very strange day today..every time the phone rang I kept thinking it would be the hospital ringing to say they had made a terrible mistake and that I was still pregnant.How sad is that!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - Not sad at all. Been there, but of course it doesn't happen  . Its denial, part of grieving. You have been through a lot and it will take time to come to terms. I can't pretend to know how you feel, but am thinking of you.

Take care


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Morning Goldies - on a wet, grey day  

Cesca - it is prefectly normal to take time (as much as you need) to come to terms with the huge sense of loss - be gentle and do not expect too much of yourself for at least a few weeks.  As Lorri says you've got to grieve, get angry, talk about it, think about it and slowly resolve it for yourselves.  Do not be afraid to seek help if you need to and we are all here holding your hand too.  

Lorri - I must say I am looking forward to having a glass of wine too to help me along this evening.  Hope you're doing ok and its natural to be sad about this loss.  Here's a hand to hold too.   

Well, as I thought my   was on her way and so promptly on Day 13 (as last time) she arrived this morning with a vengance so I knew the test done on Sunday/Monday were correct - another  .  Although I am a bit weepy it somehow is not as devastating as the last time when I had the nausea for 4 days prior to AF arriving so had built up to another level of hope.  

I'm sitting at my desk working (well not at this moment) with my tiger hot water bottle on my tum, its raining outside and my DH is in Spain working on a rally for a week.  I had told him before he left that it was going to be a neg and had done the tests early so he would know before going, and I would have some BIG HUGS before he went.  He even went out and got two bottles of my favourite wine which are sitting in the fridge to enjoy later.  Now girls, I will not be having the two bottles together - I should be lucky to be able to have two glasses without being ditzy after drinking so little since June.

What now we say - mmmm - 45 in 19 days so not a lot of options open.....   due to STATISTICS - I HATE BEING A STATISTIC          

Probably will have a lap to have a full check to see if everything is ok - redo hormones thereafter, go back to acupunturist for herbs too and follow the FAM method for a few months.  Positive action always makes me feel better.  It was the lovely Dr Tundi at The Lister who explained that they could only tweak our odds so as long as I am doing something to keep the tweaking going in whatever way possible then it must all help.

BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL - I'M DOING ALRIGHT TODAY

Nuala


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Nuala , very sorry to hear your news Sending you a big hug since unfortunately DH not there for one. It's great that you are  still thinking positive even after all you have been through. Hope you can get through work today , then one of the 2 bottles of wine could be of help later !! It's always difficult to know what to say  except we are all a mouse click away if you need a shoulder .
Cesca - really sorry to hear your news. As the others say make sure you give yourself as much time as possible to recover. Sometimes I wish I could wave a magic wand to  help us all out but unfortunately  I don't have one. 
After all we have been through  we deserve a break
Kazzie - sorry your news was not a positive. Will you be trying again ? 
Hollysox- great we can keep each other sane in Jan. Are you on the long/short protocl ? Am trying to focus on my general  health at the moment i.e. sorting out vitamins , diet etc. Keeps my mind off everything else for the moment
Lorri - how are you getting on ? 
Sculley and Jackie B - hope you are coping
Good luck to anyone else
Z


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nuala - I am so very sorry  . I know just how you feel, and its pretty crap. I was OK till a couple of days ago (I think it was that one life documentary that made me feel how real it was). I have been hitting the wine and vodka, but have only been able to manage a glass or 2, but that has helped. Us goldies need all the help we can get to try to overcome this damn IF. In this day, 45 is no age at all !  Focussing on the future and positivity helps. I guess the ultimate route for all of is DE or adoption, so we do still have some choices, but it is good to be able to try for our own genetic child first isn't it.

Zora - I am doing OK thanks, still sad, especially at the inevitability of this failure. It makes me feel that I have no hope. How can a 2nd tx go worse than the 1st !?! It makes no sense.  I hope you are doing OK too and that you are excited about starting again in Jan. New Year, new beginning.

I had a bad day yesterday and so decided to stay home to work today (no meetings luckily).

Sculley and Jackie and Cesca - I hope you are ok.

Group hug  

Lx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hi Lorri, I too decided to give myself a break and have booked yesterday and today off work. I'm trying to be positive and look forward to Jan but there is  a niggling ,'will I get at least to ET next time ?'thought in my head which I can't dislodge at the moment. Anyway pumping up my vitamin regime and just trying to think increasingly positive.  I watched that one life on Monday and ended up in tears as it brought back the whole nightmare. It was so  fantastic that the sisters got what they wanted so badly . Don't know why but it did affect me . Sounds selfish I know.Anybody else see the programme?
Z


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi everyone, how are you all doing today ?  Sending you all lots of     and tuns of cyber   for anyone who needs one !  Nuala, I was so sad to hear your news 
Yep, I saw that one life programme too and must admit that it affected me big time.  I am so happy that it worked out so well for the sisters in the end but also feel jealous.  I hate feeling jealous of pregnant women but just cant help myself.  I'm always thinking of how many weeks pg I would have been by now etc etc.  Pathetic I know but I cant help myself...
Did anyone see that story in Woman magazine about that 52 year old woman who gave birth to her first baby !  She had been through a lot of tx granted but was successful in the end.  Stories like that can only give us all hope ?!
Lorri, how are you doing today hun ?  I'm thinking of you. Thank you so much for explaining the difference between short and long protocol.  From what you have said I have done long protocol for my first attempt in April and they seem to be going to do the same for this next one.
Cesca, I just want to say that I'm thinking of you and say that my heart goes out to you at this dreadful time.  Getting over a mc is going to take a long time but it will become a little easier in time to cope. When everything is so raw all you can do is try and be kind to yourself.  Dont bottle things up cos that wont do you any good.  If you want to shout and scream and cry YOU DO IT !!!!  But above all, remember if you need to talk to anyone we are all here for you...
I too wish I had a magic wand to wave so that everyone on this IF rollercoaster would have their dearest wishes granted.  Unfortunatley I dont posses those powers...so, like everyone else on here all I can do is hope, wish and pray !
Sending EVERYONE lots of


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's..Nuala... I will be 45 next February and just can't see what avenue is left to us now except DE. I can't get my head round that yet but I know my eggs will only lead to more sadness of miscarriages. The thought of the baby not being genetically mine would be worrying. Would I love it the same etc.What do you think you will do?
Lorri ..Having one or 2 drinks in the evening is nothing to worry about and as you say we need all the help at the moment to keep us sane!!  I had my blitz the other night as you know but haven't felt like anything since!
Hollysox.. I feel tired with all this treatment at 44 yrs I really don't think I could keep going until 52yrs!!!!!! She obviously used donor eggs?
Zora ... are you just taking vitamins are do you see a herbalist? I see a Chinese doctor who gives me herbs and acupuncture . There is alot of talk about how acupuncture can help with infertility and ivf treatments.Even though I haven't succeeded in having a baby I do feel it helps.
I am still awaiting the dreaded AF  I keep getting niggles but nothing..I just know that it will arrive on Saturday when we are having dh's birthday bash. 28 people are descending on us... will I be able to cope!!  I still haven't been able to go out into the big wide world yet and face everyone. DH told me I was being ridiculous and that made me so upset. He regretted saying it afterwards saying he was trying to shake me out of this lethargy. It Is very difficult for men to really understand what we have been through .Physically it really takes its toll but emotionally with hormones crashing around it is very difficult to act normally. I just feel my baby is still inside of me and it makes me sooo sad to think soon it will be gone ,I suppose I want to grieve for it however small it is ,it is still our baby. If i go out nobody will understand why i am so quiet and I don't want to have to explaincoz I'll end up crying,and its too painful.When I do have my period then I can move on. Am I making sense?


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Oooh Cesca,

Your post made me so sad.  On my first cycle of IVF this summer it looked really good with lots of morning sickness from Day 9 and though I held off testing and my Af arrived on Day 13 I was sure I was a little pregnant so I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling.     It was a huge loss for us as it also felt like the loss of another glimmer of hope.   This time around having had my IVF converted to an IUI feels like less of a blow as I questioned how it could work if we couldn't achieve pregnancy on our own when my DH has super swimmies    I ovulate regularly and no one has done any lap or dye tests on me to know if my tubes are clear...   

The question of DE hit us early in this process when looking for a clinic to have a fertility work-up as so few will treat you over 42 with your own eggs. We recoiled in horror (sorry girls) at the idea but we have found since undergoing IF treatment it seems to be somehow pushing us along the road to finding our own solution of either trying DE (at least half of it would be genetically ours and I would have carried it) and thinking if adoption is an option or if we even want to go these routes.

The problem is the amount of time it takes to go either of these routes when we are not getting any younger.  I told my DH the other day when I realised this round wasn't working that I did not wish to be pregnant aged 47 so that really leaves the next 12 months to find our solution.  There is a part of me that thinks how lucky I am to have found the love of my life when I was 42   (neither of us had even been engaged to anyone before and have no children).  As long as we have our health we can enjoy a full happy life together.  

I cried salt tears when I realised earlier this year that it would need a miracle at this age to get pregnant and then to carry it full term.  My sister had a baby that was adopted when I was 16 and it broke my heart when she gave her daugther up for adoption.  The spooky thing is the day of my Dad's funeral 8 years ago the adoption agency called as her adopted daughter was wanting to meet her.  She is now a part of our lives and today has her own family.  

Where is this going I ask - well, eeven with this family experience of giving a child up for adoption I am not sure if we wish to adopt and the UK system is not in favour of this at our age either.  One of my girlfriends (44 also)has been waiting 3 years and hasn't even been interviewed yet so it all seems too long for me.

Cesca - try to sleep and let your body mend itself - your emotions will take longer.  No decisions need to be made today.  I believe that we find the solutions to our problems when we are ready but we do not know when that is until it happens.  I often say that I wish I was on Chapter 12 of my life now when I'm only on chapter 4 and realise I have to read each chapter before I can get to where I want to be.  For me its the natural rhythm of life - we can't fight it so we must flow with it.

Ok philosophy over - I'm bleeding to death today (sorry tmi) and have to work.

Hugs to you Cesca.

Nuala


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls,

Just thought I'd pop on to see how you are doing today.  

Sending everyone lots of  

Cesca, I wish I could say something really wise and helpful but whatever I say will sound futile...  I did not cope well when I had my mmc and still have major bad days, not set off by anything in particular but REALLY bad days when they hit.  Someone told me to just take one day at a time and that's all we can do I suppose. Take care of yourself. 

Been in touch with the clinic again today and they have definitely decided to start me on day 1 of my next period !  That means the end of this month !!!  I'll have to d/r for 4 and a half weeks to fit in with their schedule.  I'm starting to get really nervous about it all though.  Zora, what are you doing to help prepare you for your tx in Jan   I've gone organic wherever possible and am eating sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds !  I'm also just trying to eat more fruit and veg and cutting out suggary things.  And I've cut out ALL alchol which is not going to be easy since Christmas is looming ?  Any other ideas to share anyone 

Hope you're all doing ok though...

Take care all x


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hope everyone is as well as can be and lookiing  forward to the weekend
Hollysox--all stations are go .Great news. To keep focussed until Jan this is what I'm doing. Re-reading Zita West.Taking more vits just started this week -pregnacare,Vit C,Co-enzyme Q10 adn Vit E . Might add a few more before Jan if I get carried away. A few weeks ago I started acupuncture and Chinese herbs. Also going to the gym to try to lose a few pounds and be fit and ready for next tx. I'm just my ideal weight but would like some leeway for when I start increasing my protein intake. My latest fad is tesco organoc porridge oats with a sprinkling of sesame seeds and brazil nuts and dried apricots. I was veggie until this summer so luckily I'm used to the seed and nut thing. Also we eat organic as much as poss .Cut out caffeine and alcohol in the summer and have carried on so far. We'll see how Xmas goes . NOt sure how much amy of this will help but it helps me to focus and as my last (and 1st IVF) was a  bad cycle ,anything that helps will be welcome. 
Z


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello ladies !

Cesca  . A close work friend returned from maternity this week and asked me why I was so quiet. I hadn't told her before about my tx, even though I had seen her, but I told her his week and it did make me all upset again, but I am glad I told her. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone will understand but some will be sympathetic, but you do have to choose your confidantes carefully. Do what feels right and when you are ready. Don't force it, it will only make you miserable. 

Nuala - your sister must have been very brave to give her baby up at 16 and then welcome her back. I am adopted so understand the emotions involved. I thought you could adopt being older, but you would not be able to adopt a baby.

Zora - You WILL get to ET next time, this early ovulation thing only seems to happen very rarely and only ever once. My clinic said they would trigger me late and collect my eggs early, just to be sure (more for my peace of mind). Maybe you could get those assurances from your clinic.

Hollysox - Its natural to feel jealous of pg women, I do ! 

Sculley - How are you ? 

Jackie - Hope you are doing OK, have you found a kitten yet ? I chose my last kitten at about 3 days old (now 3 years old). Its lovely to have those photographs.

I am feeling much happier today (if thats the right word). I am desperate to move on,but not sure what the future holds. I have been thinking about DE and adoption too, but its a very hard decision to make and I think I would like to try another Tx first. 

Love and luck 

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's.. Grrr I have just written a really long post to everyone and then pressed the wrong button and it all dissapeared!  ..sounds like the story of my life!!! 
Nuala... I think time to think for all of us is the key to doing what is right . The only thing is time is running out!! ;   We are very lucky that life has given us love in our lives and for that alone we are blessed.I hope whatever you decide to do you will be happy . 
Lorri .. I am so glad you are feeling a bit better , It is hard to move on but we all will do it in time. I think you are right about having one more go ,we all have to give it our all and then move on with other ways if we have the strength. To want your own flesh and blood in your arms is such a strong emotion, but if it is not to be then you know at least you have done everything in your power to try to have made it work. 

Zora.. don't forget your 2 litres of water a day! I am sure you will be fine next time especially as your clinic will be aware  of what happened last time. Did you have the acupuncture last treatment? it definitely helped the outcome for me.the amount of eggs that were collected improved dramatically.
Tommorow is another day , hopefully I will feel brighter Goodnight girls, I'm off to bed!!!


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## JackieB (Aug 23, 2005)

Hi everyone.  There doesn't seem to have been much good news for us Goldies recently, does there.

Lorri - we are holding off until the new year to get another kitten.  I guess I can find plenty to keep me occupied between now and Xmas so it will be something to look forward to after that.  This is my first full week at work in what feels like forever and I've been doing well, but for some reason I'm quite tearful today.  We got some documentation through from our LA yesterday re adoption, plus I watched a programme on C4 last night about it and it's made me really emotional!

Has anyone tried reflexology and/or acupuncture?  There's a reflexology place not far from where I live and the girl who does it has a post graduate certificate in pre-conception, pregnancy and post-natal reflexology.  Was wondering about giving her a try.

Hope everyone is doing OK and bearing up under the circumstances.  This is where our DH/DP's really come into there own - I known mine has been a rock.


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's.. My AF arrived of sorts today. Strangely enough I feel alot brighter .I don't know wether it is because I have said my goodbyes to our baby and I know it is over . ... I looked in the mirror this morning and nearly got a fright..I looked so tired ,washed out and...old! I thought I had better go out into the sunshine as I looked like a vampire had had me for supper. I went out and prayed nobody would see me as I'm sure I would have frightened them!!!  The sunshine lifted my tired spirit and gave me the strength to meet the day.  This evening I am actually looking forward to my husbands birthday bash. I just hope the full AF doesn't completely drain me as we have 28 people to entertain!
Love to you all  Cesca x


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldie's,

Well the tears hit me last night and then again this morning - not surprising really.  As I have a major event I'm organising for client I have no time to think or rest and so feel VERY TIRED......  never mind will be done with this client on Tuesday - YPIPPEE

Cesca - I'm so glad you are feeling brighter and looking forward to your DH birthday.  No matter what my age I love birthdays - always have (except my 25th felt soooo old  ).  Let your hair down tomorrow (mine moults like crazy on these cycles DH loves finding long blonde hairs all over the place  )

JackieB - one of our closest friends who DH has terminal cancer is getting two new kittens tomorrow - to add to their other two as they lost one of their cats recently    I love dogs, cats and horses but our lives do not allow any of these just yet.  

Off to crack open the other bottle of wine my DH left me on Monday and to have pizza - yeah I can eat junk and drink - there are some positives to a negative   

Nuala


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - I'm glad you are feeling a bit brighter, this damn treatment does take it out of you. I was absolutely drained when I returned to work, crying and pale and looking older than my 41 (+1month)  years. The sunshine can do wonders. I hope you manage to have a lovely evening, and drink copious amounts of wine and have a lovely cuddle with your dh.

Nuala- Dh has just put wine in the fridge for me, before heading to the pub. I am not drinking it alone, I have a friend joining me later, plus a take away !  Let the tears come, they help the healing. If  you try to suppress them they will come out in another way further down the line. Keeping busy will take your mind off it, but you still need to make time for  yourself.

Jackie - I know you said you wanted a kitten in Jan, but I thought if you can find someone with a cat that is expecting now/just had a llitter, you will be able to get to know it and choose it, well in advance ready for Jan. It will give you something lovely now as well as to look forward to.

Thinking of you all at this awful time. 

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nuala.. Ooh I do feel for you, but I know that crying lifts the pain away even if only for a short time. It's like you have a whole bottle of tears and the lid is squeezed on tight but little by little the bubbles push open that lid and lets some of the tears out.The lid can burst off or slowly release its contents bit by bit, till all the tears are gone. Then and only then can the grieving be over.( Thats how I see it anyway!) .... big hug for you

Lorri... All this talk about kittens...I want one!!!!  I have  been secretly organizing a birthday cake for DH today. I went to Tescos and took a photo of him when he was a baby and had it put on a cake.. When I was at the till the woman behind me said "AAAh is that your beautiful baby! " I really was jolted at the word baby.... but it did make me smile and her too when I said "No thats my husband!!"    
I hope you enjoy your evening in with your pal and are able to have a good old natter. 
  
I am off to bed now as DH is beginning to think I have someone else I spend so much time on the compute!!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - Sounds like you are really spoiling dh. I guess the Tesco cashier was just being nice, that must have been really hard to hear, you are so brave  .  

I had a lovely evening last night, my friend brought some champagne and chocolates round to have with/after our take away, to celebrate my new internal role ! Feeling a little delicate today though, all this abstinence makes you intolerant  

Zora, Nuala, Sculley and Jackie hope you are all OK. 

Hollysox - hope you are preparing for your treatments, I will start getting back to being healthy ...soon !

Kazzie - Do you know when you will start tx again  ? 

Lx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi everyone, Hope you're all hanging on in there ?  Weekends go over so fast...back to work tomorrow  

Cesca, how did the party go ?  I hope you managed to cope ok ?

Nuala, how are you feeling today ? Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you...

Lorri, how are you too ?  Yep, I'm trying to prepare as well as I can for the start of my tx.  Even trying to drink 2 litres of water a day ! Now THAT is hard work !!!!  I hate water but am going to do it for 'my baby'.  It actually helps so much to think of positive things I can do to help prepare for my tx.  Of course, none of these are guarantees but it doesn't hurt to try does it !  I'm still thinking about acupuncuture or relexology...

Hellos to Zora, Sculley, Jackie, Kazzie and anyone else I've missed out !  Sending everyone     

Take care xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Good morning Goldies.. Well I survived the weekend but am exhausted ! 28 people is an awful lot of people and it seemed to be a constant feeding session.( There were 6 children and the rest adults) .I have now got to try and get this house back to normal ,its going to take days!! I really enjoyed myself and didn't cry once. 
My AF still is very  very light,is this normal?


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Cesca,
I am not sure there is a normal ! Mine first time around was heavy and lasted a week. This time is lasted just over 2 days. Your circumstances are a little different though, so if you are at all worried, call your clinic.

Take care

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies, Lorrie  thanks for the advise,I may ring the clinic later as the bleeding never really got started and now it has stopped completely! I am feeling very tired still and need a good kick up the jacksy to get anything done!
How is everyone else ..It is very quiet on the Goldies thread!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Cesca - things do seem to have quietened down, but I guess thats because we all seemed to go through tx at same time, and now we are all "inbetweenies". Did you call your clinic ? 

I have been spotting a bit last couple of days, which is weird, as AF was only just over a week ago, but then my body is doing allsorts of strange things - ov pains, weight gain (  ), night sweats have gone though luckily.

Hello to everyone else

Lx


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## cazandant (Jul 6, 2005)

Hi ...just popped back on to see how us goldies getting on  

Really sad to read some of the news...especially peeps giving up at only 45!!!  

I have now decided to take anything to do with age out of the equation!! I feel healthier now than I did at 40 and now I understand the ED thing better, I'm now on HRT tx for 3rd attempt!!

The good thing about ED is that the doctors are only interested in the age of the donor's eggs so at least my age is not against me!! I've also come to the conclusion that we're giving our embryo the best chance of a healthy pregnancy - and it won't have to suffer from my big nose or flat feet!!!  

Anyway, hang on to your dreams girls, and don't forget to pamper yourselves as much as possible!!

Take tender loving care of all that is important to you...one way, or another, we'll all get through these times - this website certainly got me back on my feet this summer!

Lots of love and hugs, Caroline x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies...Lorri ...I did ring the clinic and they said its not unusual to wait up to 2weeks for things to "come away" She said the feeling so tired is the withdrawal from the hrt and the body trying to readjust,and to take things easy.I just want it all over and to try and get back to normal but as we know it just doesn't work like that!!    I can see from your reply you are suffering too. I hope you are feeling stronger and life is getting back to some sort of normality.

Hello Caroline ... Nice to see alot of positive thoughts again on this thread! I have finally given up on my eggs and the thought of DE are slowly creeping in. We have a follow up consultation with our clinic on the 21st Nov. and we are going to ask about it. We do know the UK waiting list is up to 4 yrs but they do pass on details of a clinic in Spain,where things can be quicker.Do you know what happens then?

Hi everyone else hugs to all of you.


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Sorry have been quiet not much to report. Just getting back in shape to face another tx in Jan. Being honest I still have some bad days thinking about the last failed tx. Anyway fingers-crossed
Caroline nice to hear from you and with such a positive slant.
Cesca hope things are slowly getting better for you
Lorri how are you doing ? I hope you too are recovering from last time. Do you know whta your next plan is yet ? 
Hope everyone else is hanging on in there.


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

I've been working on a big event that happened on Monday so now back to 'normal' life.... whatever that is!!!!

Zora - good to hear from you again - I remember you from my first tx in July/Aug.  It is difficult not to reflect on what you've been through as you prepare for another tx.   

Lorri - sorry to hear your system is upside down - my Af also lasted only 3 days which is weird for me and then I spotted for the last few days but seems to have stopped now. 

Caroline - it was refreshing to read your post.  It is the clinics who tell us to give up at 45 on our own eggs - my eggs seem to be good but they all say my age is the big thing against it being successful         I will take heart from your experience. 

Cesca - you poor thing having to keep on waiting for it all to be resolved.  Sending you a big      

Hollysox - I felt like I was drowning between the water, pinapple juice and protein drinks with milk....... good luck for your tx.

I'm totally flattened today.  in the midst of the last failed tx when I got my AF last week I had the busiest time with this event for 500 people on Monday night in london which I organised.  It was a great success but I really felt the pressure of trying to keep my feelings about this failed cycle under control and manage all the craziness of a big event and the people involved PLUS my DH was away working and came back after a traumatic time only to be barraged by me - angry , hurt  and confused   about everything.  We had a big row  (not like us) but everything is fine now   - think I needed to blow off some steam about how hard this second cycle had been emotionally and physically and I now have my 45 birthday looming next week.

Off to see the acupunturist/herbalist today to make a plan of action and then will book a lap for early Jan to see if everything is ok inside.  Is it true you can't have sex for 6 weeks after?  Another month lost........

Will try to be more upbeat on my next message.

Nuala


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Nuala welcome back. You did well .Not sure I could have coped with a 500 people event after my tx ! I know what you mean about still feeling emotional it happens sometimes when you're not expecting it but of course is only natural. Try to treat yourself and DH . We went out for a couple of dinner-for-twos once I'd decided to face the public. It was nice to spend some time together not in the clinic or at home talking about the IVF.Don't think TTC worked last month but will try again this month.( Anything to have a chance not to go throughth e tx again in Jan !)
HI to everyone else again


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello !

Caroline - nice to hear from you, and with so much postivity. I hope the DE works out for you. 

Cesca - Its bad enough to have suffer, without having to wait while you do, it is so unfair. I hope things resolve for you very soon. I am doing OK thanks, i just try not to think about it, and I'm fine.

Nuala - You sound very capable, 500 people ! I struggle with a dinner party for 6. The failure does hit you at odd times, but the feelings slowly recede and some normality creeps back in. I hate having rows with dh, but they do help to clear the air. I have no clue about sex after lap, but it sounds like a plan to have as many tests as possible, it should give you the best chance. 

Zora - January is just around the corner, at least you can enjoy christmas. I don't have a plan yet, just thnk I will probably tx again in March (fsh allowing), and really throw everything at it this time.

Take care everyone 

Lx


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## susieB (Apr 30, 2005)

hi all in Fertility friends
I told myself my life with you was over - i was so embarressed and ashamed - i had admitted what happened happened. i logged on a few weeks later and i saw only compassion and understanding. thank you  my pals.
need i say anything else  
love S
i


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies... I have just heard some good news that might cheer everyone up a bit.  A close family relation got married 14 yrs ago and tried and tried for a baby ,nothing happened and so went for tests. Unexplained infertility was diagnosed. They then went down the medicated route Clomid iui.and eventually ivf. They had 3 failed attempts all bfn's. They were going for their 4th and last attempt as they didn't think they could afford any more.They went to see the consultant to talk about dates to start and they wanted to start as soon as possible. She said unfortunately her period wasn't on time this month which wasn't particularly unusual, so the consultant gave her a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side. SHE WENT IN TO THE LOO TO DO THE TEST AND NEARLEY FELL OFF THE TOILET WHEN IT CAME UP POSITVE!! She is now 16 weeks pregnant and everything is fine. I am so happy for them and miracles do happen.She tried for 14yrs and out of the blue this little miracle is waiting to be born. (She is 38yrs old and he is 40)  
I am still in shock and just feel so happy for them!


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

What a lovely story cesca, it really made my day! 

May I join you?

Feeling great, happy to be "a bit pregnant" for the 1st time ever, even if it may be only for 2w.

Please, were on the board is a list with all the abriviations used, some I can guess but with English not my 1st language some are difficult, thanks -ULTRA (an album name from my favourite group Depeche Mode)


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hi Ultra. it's always good to see new faces. It will be extra special if you get a positive. Fingers-crossed good luck 
English is my first language but I had trouble working out the abbreviations. You will find a list under - home-abbreviations.I remember that depeche mode album !
Cesca what a great story we needed some good news
Hi to everyone else


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi everyone, just popped on to see how you are all doing.  

Cesca, that story made me cry tears of joy !  How wonderful for your relation.  It just shows you...Miracles really do happen...

There's not much been happening here lately.  I'm still waiting for my clinic to send me their new list of donors !  I've been waiting over a week now and am getting a bit annoyed.  I did ring them and they said they were getting it arranged ?!  I know there is no great hurry but I'd like everything sorted before I have to start tx.  I've also decided to tell my manager about having tx this time around.  I dont know whether I am doing the right thing though ?  I found it really stressful trying to get time off at short notice last time so figured if she knew it might make things easier !  I dont know though....I see her next week for a meeting ! What do you think ?

nuala, zora, lorri, caroline, susieB, how are you all doing,  Sending you all and everyone I've missed out lots of        Take care all and have a good weekend.  I'm off for a sauna and an aromatherapy massage tomorrow.  Cant wait !!!


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Thank you Zora, great to be among likeminded folk and a special thanks for the link to "Words" on the homepage - I am finally out of the dark! I managed to get a signature done, just struggling with the smileys - everytime I type a post and click a smiley to insert THE POST VANISHES IN A DARK HOLE, HELP!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi all !

SusieB - I am glad you posted. I already IM'd you. Take care 

Cesca - What a lovely story ! I am not unexplained, so it won't ever happen to me naturally (dh needs to have some moving swimmers), but it is encouraging for a lot of ladies, thank you for sharing it.

Ultra - Welcome to Goldies and to your 2ww. I remember Depeche Mode, but don't think I have any albums, I was more of a Duran Duran fan. Depeche Mode are still going aren't they ?

Hollysox - Clinics never seem to have the sense of urgency when you need it. I told my manager each tx, and have to be honest, it did make it easier, but I did not really like him knowing - swings and roundabouts I guess ! I have just changed managers and don't have a "good relationship" with my new manager yet (don't like him, he is an upstart). I am about to change managers again soon, so don't know what I will do. Its a tough decision and i think it depends on how much you respect and trust them ! 

Love and luck to everyone else

Lx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Lorri,

difficult one... we have not even told our families (only 2 close girlfriends of mine know). I am lucky that the clinic is only about 3/4 hour from my work place and as an academic I can pretty much choose my hours of work outside the teaching timetable. I would only tell my Head of Department when I have past the 12 week scan (a very very very long road to go). These things have a tendency to leak out (especially in a big organisation), PA's snapping up words through an open door, chat over coffee or an after-works-drink. If you can trust your manager implicitly, then tell if it makes it easier to get time off, if not I'd use my annual leave (you don't have to justify why you take it.

By the way Depeche Mode is alive and better that ever. The have released their latest studio album on 17th October and are at present on a world tour. I have tickets to see them in 4 concerts in Jan/Feb in Germany and another 4 in Manchester, Birmingham and 2xWembley in March/April. Get that little fighter embrie started early!


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## cazandant (Jul 6, 2005)

Hi everyone

Not been keeping up with you all (must be my age!!! - always a good excuse!!  ) but just wanted to wish Nuala a happy 45th birthday - you're still younger than me!!  

Off to Spain (IVI Valencia) in about 3-4 weeks time for our 2nd ED over there (3rd attempt) and am so grateful for this website for keeping my pecker up!   To be honest, I just keep thinking about hens these days   I feel like I'm nesting on my HRT and keep imagining these Spanish girls producing eggs for me - just like hens!!! I just hope they are all happy, well-adjusted free-rangers!!  

Off to make the dh his dinner (no we're not eating chickens!!) so might catch up with some gossip on here later.

Bye for now, love Caroline xx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies, Hope you all had a good weekend ?  I enjoyed my aromatherapy massage and sauna.  It was heaven to be pampered !  

Nuala, hope you had a good birthday   

Caroline, not long now until you go to Spain for your tx.  How are you feeling ? Excited ? Nervous ? Both probably !!!  Lots and lots of luck when you do go over there ! 

Ultra, wishing you lots of luck also for your 2ww !  How's it going so far ?  Hoping and praying you get that bfp result  

Well, tomorrow is THE day I tell my manager about having tx ?!  I only have 2 weeks annual leave left but really want to take 3 weeks after tx.  My job is quite manual (I'm a carer) and requires lots of moving and handling of the elderly.  Therefore I dont want to go back to work until after my pt (hopefully I'll get that far !) So I basically need to ask for un paid leave for 1 week !!!  I dont know how my manager will feel about this but I cant really do anything else.  I just hope she is ok about it !  Very few people know about this upcoming tx.  I felt there was too much pressure the first time round.  My sisters were asking what was happening every day and it really started to bug me in the end.  Then when I lost my baby they kept away ('for fear of upsetting me' !!!) That hurt me a lot.  So, this time only those who NEED to know are being told !

I've been out and bought the Zita West book today for further reference !!!  Everyone keeps saying how good she is so I figured and extra hints I can pick up can only be good ?!

Zora, Lorrie, Cesca, SusieB, Sculley, JackieB and Kazzie and anyone I've missed...
Sending you ALL tons of


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies......Well I still haven't had my AF and it's been 2 1/2 weeks since I came off all medication,don't know when it will arrive ,dreading it!  Well DH and i have decided to go and have a chat with the donor egg nurse,and have made an appointment for next week. He really wants us to go ahead with it. I am a little concerned ,so many issues to talk and discuss. The main one is  the way we would deal with a child who will be no blood relation to my 2 children from my 1st marriage. Would we tell them or not? .I think my 19yr old would be appalled and my daughter already thinks she isn't a real child as we have told her all about her conception !! (from an FET) I am excited but scared. I know I would love the child no question,,but am I being selfish to have these concerns?(DH hasn't got any children)
Hollysox, good luck with telling your boss today,I agree with only telling people who need to know, it can get so complicated!
Nuala ...hope you had a good birthday. 
Caroline...  Not long to go now,I bet you are excited and nervous . I can see us going over to Spain too. but I just need some guidance first ,did you get any counselling before you went ahead?
Ultra.. Keeping everything crossed for you , how is the 2 ww going?
Have you managed to keep your posts!! just remember to click the mouse at the last word before you go into the smileys, otherwise it does all go into the black hole!!!
Hello to everyone else.


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi cesca,

 so far, this is good news! Keeping well and feeling very optimistic on day 11. Some niggler tweeks that feel like AF pain, but I usually only get it one day before  arrives (see I can do it now! Thx). Back to work this week so not much time to think about baby issue. Have to admit defeat on the testing front, DP and I have decided to do a HPT Early morning on Fri (day 14) and if  is still at bay, a blood test at the clinic on Monday.

Difficult issue with DE, I think I wouldn't tell anyone, don't think my parents would feel "Real" grandparents.

Good luck & energy to all Goldies, the story of several of us (one at 51) giving birth which I read on an old Goldie Thread was really uplifting.  -ULTR A-


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

Thank you all for my Birthday Wishes BUT it's not 'till Nov 20th - this Sunday!!  My Dh is taking me to Paris for a few days to see my best friend who has two little ones - her daughter born in August is my god child which I'm thrilled about as now even more excuses to go to Paris - must remember to learn French fluently before she is 3........      

Cesca - I'm so sorry that your poor body is not yet behaving itself - maybe you should ask the clinic if they can help.......  DE an issue for us too - we have not told hardly anyone especially family about tx so definitely wouldn't tell them about DE if we did decide to go that route.  It is sucha personal decision and for us not easily reached.  We still live in hope for another few months.......  

Ultra - i understand the wish to test early - 'your damned if you do and damned if dont' - glad to hear your doing well on the 2 weeks of torture 


Hollysox - hope the talk with your manager goes well and they are compassionate enough to give you the time off.  I did far too much during my last tx and am sure it did not help my body.  If we go again I will take the whole time off work from my clients.    


Caroline - how exciting just a few weeks to go.  If we go the DE route I will no doubt be asking you lots of questions - love the image of nests and eggs   


Lorri - hope your doing well - I went back to my first yoga class today so am feeling much bouncier now   

I'm feeling much happier with life and enjoying having our life back to normal (whatever that is).  I'll be back in a week when I return form Paris  

Nuala


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello !

HollySox - How did your discussion go ?  Did you consider asking your GP to sign you off, or you could self cert for a few days, especially EC to ET.  I have read Zita West virtually cover to cover, its my bible !

Cesca - That doesn't sound right re your AF. Maybe you should call your clinic for advice. The DE issue, is definitely a need to know, and in fact, no one really needs to know ! It will be your baby legally and emotionally, so whose business is it ? 

Ultra - Not long to go now. Its great that you are feeling optimistic, hopefully that BFP is just around the corner.

Nuala - I love Paris, there is so much to see. I love the image of you being bouncy, I keep saying to  myself that I must get back to my Pilates. I bought a yoga mat and have been lent loads of books (though I am familiar with some of the exercises already through classes from before). I am just so lazy these days, though I am enjoying the lack of injections and stress of "has it worked" ?  I don't feel ready to start tx again any time soon, but the luxury of time is not on my side. Procrastination is my middle name   . I hope you have a lovely birthday this weekend, and that dh spoils you rotten. 

Jackie, Sculley, SusieB/Sooze and Zora - How are you doing ? 

Lx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi to everyone, how are you all doing today   Ok I hope ?

Thanks to everyone who asked how my meeting went with my manager yesterday.  I'm relieved to say that it went fine   It turned out that her daughter in law had IVF so she says she can understand how stressful it can be. There is no problem in having time off work for hospital app's so that's good and also no problem in having leave of absence.  I realy dont want to go 'sick' from work to be honest as I may need that when the morning sickness kicks in (always hopeful   !!!)  It is a great relief to know that she's on my side though.

Oops, Nuala, HAPPY BIRTHDAY for Sunday ?!  Have a great time in Paris you lucky thing !  And enjoy some special time with your new God-daughter too.

Cesca, how are you doing ?  Have you been in touch with the hospital to see if there is anything they can do to help ?  Also as far as the issue of DE goes I agree with Lorri.  It is no one's business but yours and you shouldn't feel pressured into telling anyone if you dont want to.  

Ultra, how are you bearing up ??  Hoping and praying for you and sending you lots of      .  I must admit to testing early myself.  I did a hpt 2 days before the one at my hospital.  I just wanted to be prepared for my hospital one !  Although it came out + I still didn't truely believe it until the nurse told me.  What a FANTASTIC feeling it was too.  

Not long now until I start my next tx.  I have to go and collect my needles and buserelin next week so that I am ready to start injecting on day 1 which should be around the 28th.    

Did anyone see that programme on tv last night about that woman who had 2 wombs and was pg in both ?  What an inspiring story and what beautiful  babies... 

Anyway, best dash, have a pile of ironing to do...oh what an exciting life I lead ?!  Take care everyone,
xxxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies.. Still haven't had a bleed, and feel i don't want to ring the clinic again as I don't want them to think I'm fussing too much ,they will probably say "It will come when it comes"  I just want all this to be over so I can get back to "normal"!
My DH and I went out for a drink last night and we were talking about DE and I said that I didn't want anyone knowing just yet until we had decided what to do about telling my children and he let it slip that he had already told his sister. Which means everyone will know now!! I think perhaps keeping it secret is no longer an option! Life never seems to go the way you want it!!!

Hollysox  ...Great news about your boss,  it will make it easier for you when you need them to be understanding about time away from work.

Ultra ..I bet you are getting very nervous...are you testing tomorrow? Lots of     coming your way.

Nuala .. Sorry about getting the day wrong and making you older than you really are!!!  . Happy birthday for Sunday!!  Hope your trip is good and good luck with the phrase book!!  I am very jealous ,I definitely need a break, perhaps I might mention it to DH!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hope everyone's hanging in there . Just to let you know there is a Over 40s TTC category under main categories. Hopefully some others who didn't find this board will find it

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/board,163.0.html


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Goldies

I suggested moving this thread to the new board - any objections ?

Hollysox - its amazing when you tell someone about IVF they usually know some one that has been through it (and was successfull !). When I told my manager he mentioned a few names too. Its even better that your manager is a woman too. It must be a relief for you that you have discussed it and is all OK. 

Cesca - I hate to suggest it, but have you considered doing an hpt ?  Maybe you could tell your SIL that you decided against DE that you will try with your own eggs again ?  

Ultra - Very best of luck for your test. 

Hello to everyone else 

Lx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Lorri - I second that . Let's move over


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Hope I can join you on your thread!  I have just had another IVF fail and I am getting a referral to a new clinic so I am in between cycles at the moment and going it alone for a couple of months    Glad for a little break over Xmas at present. 

Will have to catch up on all your posts.

Speak soon.
Nikki xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hello nikki, welcome to us goldies. . ..We have just decided to go down the DE route as we have had too many faliures using my own eggs and it is too heartbreaking to have any more . We will probably go to spain as the waiting lists are not as long and I am not getting any younger! We have an appointment next Friday to discuss DE.  Hope to speak to you soon.  Cesca


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

Lorri and Zora - great move to have our own board   

Cesca - your poor thing still waiting, it would drive me crazy    I am sure we too will be looking into the DE situation but for now my DH cannot get his head around it.  I guess boys do not have the same sense of urgency on these matters but told him I will not have the energy or inclination in another year.......

Hollysoz - as Lorris said it is amazing who you hear has been through IVF when you start talking about it even in general terms.  Some friends of ours in their late 20's have had 2 children through IVf and just had no3 by natural....... you never know now do you  

Off to pack for Paris YIPPEE and have lots of birthday presents and cards here waiting to open tomorrow before I go.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME - no matter what my age I always love my birthday     

Nuala


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

This may be our next route as I only produce 2 follies on full IVF meds.  I got some info on Spain in case it was our next step too!!  I shall wait and see if the new clinic have anything to bring to the party and what they suggest.   So I may just be joining you on that DE route.  I know exactly what you mean about the waiting list!!!   

Thanks for the welcome  
Nikki xxx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Girls,

Well, what can I say: Thank you all for the good wishes and Babydust, unfortunately is was not to be -  showed her ugly face on Thursday eve, did my very first "wee on a stick" just to put a closing act on and as expected it was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE    

I was gutted, never expected such feeling of loss for just a bunch of 7-cell we saw on a screen 2 weeks ago.... even DP, not sb who shows emotions lightly had very shiny eyes...

Feeling a bit better this morning, but too early to say what we do next. We originally said we give it one best shot and then move on, but.....

I'll keep you posted. Looking forward to a boozy Christmas with my family in Germany - they don't know anything about the treatment and I like to keep it that way. My parents are desperate to be grandparents for the past 10 years and both their daughters failed so far... (my sister is 40 but only accepts natural methods, IVF is not an option for her)

All the best to everyone, I will stay in touch -ULTRA - 

Lorri, Cesca & Hollysox special thanks to you for your support - much appreciated.


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Ultra
So sorry to read your news sending you a cyber-hug   I know it doesn't help much, as its a horrible thing to have to go through, all that effort and hope only to lead to disappointment. We all know how you feel and how hard it can be to cope with. I hope you do have a lovely boozy Christmas, at least it is something to look forward to. Good luck with whateveryou decide to do.

Lx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Ultra very sorry to hear things did not work out. It's good that you will be away for Xmas.
 
My family don't know about my treatment either. My mum also does not have any grandchildren yet never mentions it. I have 2 brothers(1 married and 50 no kids, 1 ,35 not married yet ). It's such a lonely feeling when IVF does not work . Thinking about you . Big hug  
Take care of yourself and DP


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Ultra... I did have a look on the 2ww thread and as I said on the post to you there I was gutted for you. the feeling of sadness can be overwhelming, but it does pass. I hope your break with your family will help you .
We said that it was going to be our last shot..... but thoughts of DE have now seeped in and I even find myself looking in the TXabroadies thread and cheer myself up with all their successes!!  
Treat youself gently as is does take time to come to terms with such sadness and stick close emotionally to DH its his loss too.


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## Womb with a View (Dec 7, 2004)

Dear Ultra, so sorry to hear of your neg result, my heart went out to you.  I'm new to this thread and just browsing as I didn't know it existed.  I usually post on the abroadies thread and had a BFN this week, which has left me reeling and very sad.  So sorry you've had to go through this too.  At this point in time we have 4 frosties in Barcelona (DE) waiting for us and we're going to have another go in January.  We've been very encouraged and delighted by so many BFPs with donor eggs/sperm and think this is our only hope now (we're both 46).  Amazingly, my story is very similar to yours - no children and met soul mate late in life (just 3 years ago).  He doesn't have children either.  I was married for yonks many years ago and we were going to have children (aged 35) but just around the time of starting, I found my husband had been having an affair and got someone else pregnant.  My life fell apart and it took all this time to find Mr Right after that.  However, there is a silver lining as I am immensely happy with him and he too.  We too just need that icing on the cake and I do believe it will happen.  I will not give up!

I hope you feel tons better with each day.  I am always amazed how strong IVF women are.  

With love and a hug,
AJ xx
ps Hi Cesca - saw you on the Abroadies site.  Hope you're well.


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## shazzer (Jul 29, 2004)

Can I join you.

Just had my 3rd failed IVF and I am hoping now to go down the donor route in the new year either at Ceram of Moscow whoever has a suitable donor I guess as feel very impatient now.

Spent a very depressed weekend the first after my BFn and think its really sunk in that this dream is going to take time to coem true and when I look in the mirror I just see this old woman looking back.

I was pleased to see a site that was for woman like me. Lets hope that 2006 brings us our dreams. Just cant wait for Christmas to be over so I can start again

Sharon


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Sharon - Its great having a board just for us more mature ladies. I think the pressures are so much harder for us. I am so sorry you got another BFN, its just so damn hard and so unfair . I too can't wait to get Christmas over and done with, and winter behind me, so I can look to starting again, though I still feel that I am unlikely to succeed, can't see it ever happening for me 

AJ - Hello !! Sorry you had BFN last week . I hope you are doing OK, it takes a while to come to terms with.

Nuala - Happy birthday, hope Paris is as fab as I remember and that you are enjoying your trip.

Hello to every one else I hope you are all managing to keep warm 









Lx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi AJ,

Sorry to hear you also had bad news. Well, we can't choose who we fall in love with. Unfortunately going abroad is not an option for DP and I (public sector workers don't get paid enough) , and as my eggs were good (3 our of 3 fertilised, but only one embrie started to divide) we might try again next year, but I'd like to find out more about what could have gone wrong after the fertilising stage.

Welcome Sharon, you found the right board.

-ULTRA-


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

hello Goldies.... Sharon welcome ..sorry to hear of your Bfn ... life can be tough at times. We to are considering DE as we have had too many failures and I know my eggs are knackered!

Hello AJ... I have been sneaking onto the abroadies site!! We are have an appointment with the DE nurse on Friday to discuss the pro and cons.They have no connection with any clinics abroad but are willing to help with drugs and scans etc.

Ultra .. How are you? Have you thought about anuploidey (not sure how to spell it!)screening? Which is the testing for genetic problems of eggs that look good under the microscope. We had this done as we had heard it could give us a reason why we were not successful after good grade eggs failing to give us our longed for baby. Well we were shocked at the results. We had 11 eggs of which all fertilised .we then went down to 7 ,all of grade 1to 2 continuing to divide. A biopsy was taken from these cells and sent to chicago for the screening. All but one came back with genetic problems ie downs syndrome etc. So we had our answer. The doctors don't know just by looking under the microscope which are the ones free from genetic problems. Our age is the factor sadly.

Well I went for my follow up appointment this morning and the consultant was very surprised that I hadn't had AF after being told the baby hadn't made it.He decided to scan me as I told him I had ovulated yesterday. The scan showed a very thick lining and baby had been reabsorbed and yes I had ovulated .So to expect a very heavy period in 2 weeks ..unless a miracle happens and the egg somehow manages to get through my blocked tube.!!( only got one due to ectopic pregnancy) I at least know when I will have AF and that I am just a rather strange woman who missed having her period!!!


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

hallo goldies,

i'm reading through all these oldy sites and trying to keep positive and am really, but then I'm not because i actually feel miserable and remember my BFN this morning. This is just the first one. So many of you are keeping going again and again. Where do you get the strength? Can i join you?

I'm Joan, 42, partner 44, madly in love, but im going loopy.


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

HI Joan welcome.I've only been through one IVF and that nearly finished me off .I don't know how the others have so much strength .Sorry to hear about your BFN.


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies, Firstly just wanted to say that I think it is great that we now have our very own page !  I did origionally panic when I couldn't find us on the IVF thread though ?! It's an age thing I suppose !

ULTRA...what can I say hun ?  I am SO SORRY    Good luck in whatever route you decide to take next.  Sending you a special cyber    Take extra special care of yourself and have a fab boozy Christmas with your family in Germany !!!!  

AJ, Joan and Sharon...sending you all    .  I was so sorry to hear about your BFN's too.  One day our dreams WILL come true....

Cesca, how are you doing ?  Ok I hope ?  At least you now know why you didn't have an AF but I feel for you when it does eventually arrive since they have warned you it will be heavy !  Take care of yourself, ok ?

How's everyone else doing.... Lorri ?  Nikki ?  Hope you are both doing ok today ?

Zora, getting close to beginning tx ?  Do you have any idea when you will be starting to D/R ?  I need to go to the unit this Fri. to collect my drugs (Buserelin) and needles etc as I am due to start probably on Monday.  I'm doing a long protocol because of timings (my slot for EC/ET).  I'm getting nervous but kinda excited too !

Well, hope everyone is keeping warm in this freezing cold weather ?  They have forcast blizzards here on Thurs and Fri !!!  Oh good, just what we need !  Wrap up warm everyone.... 

Love to all
xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

I am a bit angry.  

I went to see my GP about getting a referral letter to the new clinic I want to go to.  He was great about it and I asked when the letter would be done for me to collect.  I thought it would be about a week.  He looked surprised and said - 'Oh no - it will be done before that' and asked me to call his secretary today.  This I did but when I got through to her she knows NOTHING about it and there has been no letter left for her to do.  He isn't at the practice today and she is off on Thurs and Friday! When I asked what I should do about it or when it might be done..... she didn't know!      After me getting very upset she did say she would email him and I could phone her tomorrow to see if she had any news.  If it isn't done tomorrow then it probably wont be until next week!  

Sorry for the rant....  sometimes it just seems that everything is against me aswell as my age! 

Anyway Hollysox.... apart from that I'm ok      Lots of   for your next cycle.

Sending all you girls who have had bad news recently big hugs    and lots of love to everyone else.

Sorry about the rant... the conversation happened this morning and I am still cross...  is that an age thing?? 

love Nikki xxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nikki - NHS can be so irritating. They seem to have no sense of urgency about anything !!!!! I am still waiting for my GP to get back to me about my drugs for my 2ww, and that ended in a BFN almost a month ago !!!! Somehow I don't think I will get a prescription.

Cesca- At least you know what has happened, though I expect you are dreading your AF. I think my next one has just started (spotting today), which is early. Typical ! Just goes to show how this tx can screw up your homones.

Hi Joan - welcome. I am so sorry for your BFN  . Its not so much strength to go on, but desperation for the dream and a feeling of running out of time. I hope you manage to find some strength from somewhere to tyr again, when you are ready.

Hollysox - It is ffrrrreeeezzzing ! I am wearing 4 layers at work ! 

Hello to everyone else

Lx


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## jules44 (Oct 25, 2005)

Hi to all in this thread, hope it is ok to join you? I am a fairly new member to the site. History is down below, too long & complicated to go into at present. Lastest though was BFP, hope i used the correct abbreviation,last month following FET. Had 3 frozen embies in storage,2 were defrosted & amazingly survived,so had just those 2 transferred, which leaves us with 1  .  Clinic advised to only put 2 back as they were of such good quality, & because of possible risk of twin pregnancy for me (I am quite short,below 5ft!). So we are left wondering if we can go through FET again,it is certainly an emotional roller coaster ride, & with only one little   in storage I fear it may not survive. if we do go ahead it will not be until spring next year, and it will have been frozen for nearly 2 years. Need to save up some £'s also! That really will be our last try, as I have to be realistic as regards my age.
Anyway, enough of my worries & fears.
Lots of luck to everyone out there
XxXxXxX


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Jules44,

Welcome to the Goldies always nice to see new faces    and good luck. Have you registered on the 2ww thread (ladies-in-waiting). Just left there following my . Wishing you a  

-ULTRA-


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## JackieB (Aug 23, 2005)

Hi everyone.  Not been on here for a while but have got myself back on track and feeling good about everything - well, most things  - again.

Lorri - just wanted to let you know, I got my new kittens on Sunday.  Yes, 2 of them!  The sanctuary I went to only lets them go in pairs so I thought, what the hell.  12 weeks old brother and sister (Billy - ginger and white, and Poppy - tortoiseshell and white).  They are so adorable.  My other cat (who is 5) has been quite good considering.  A few hissy fits and growling and the odd whack with his paws, but apart from that, all well and good.

DH and I are not attempting another IVF.  We were always only going to give it 1 try anyway - money was one of the reasons, the other is that he doesn't really believe in it and only did it because I really, really wanted to.  I have now gone "alternative" and am having reflexology and all sorts of natural potions (Agnus Castus, Zinc etc).  We are also going along to our LA general adoption meeting in January.  Nothing definitely decided on that front, but it is something we are considering.

Hope all are well - it's about time there were a few BFP's for us oldies, so good luck anyone who is currently having treatment, I really hope it works for you.

Hope everyone else is well and planning, with optimism, their next move.

Love
Jackie


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Jackie - I have been wondering if you would succumb early. Getting 2 kittens will surprisingly be less work for you as they will amuse themselves (I know from personal experience ! ). It won't take them long to settle down together, as cats are far more accepting of kittens and the kittens won't know any different. Good luck with your LA and your natural treatments, its good to keep your options open. Take care and I hope you will continue to post from time to time as I will be interested in your progress. 

Hi Jules - New faces always welcome. BFP = Big Fat Positive and BFN=Big Fat Negative, so I am not sure that you do BFP or BFN for your last FET (I hope its BFP).  I have never been lucky enough to get frosties, but wasn't aware that length of time in the freezer affected quality.


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello Everyone

I've only just decided to join the thread for us incredibly wise, sensible and mature (yeah right!) girls.

Hope you don't mind me joining. I need to let out some emotion this morning.

I feel and look like crap this morning.  I thought I'd be back at work today after my m/c - still bleeding heavily though and very tearful. I just can't face it. I'm sure people will wonder why I'm off work and think I'm being a drama queen  cos it wasn't really a baby yet, only like a late period. It was a baby to me though  I was only pg for a few days but it was *my baby*  To add insult to injury, I still keep getting bfps because the hormone is still in my body. I'm sort of screaming for it to go away in my head. Doc says it may be pos for a few more days yet though.

I'm not usually such a misery guts. Today I can't put on a  and get on with it. I just want to wallow in the misery and pain of it all. Isn't that terrible? It could have been so much worse if it had happened later in the pg. In that sense I'm probably lucky but I don't feel very lucky.

I have lots of good  s so I am very fortunate but the thought of going through all this again is 
horrible. My dp is keen to get going again as soon as I feel ok and we have an appointment with the consultant booked for 14th january to discuss how things are. After Christmas....after what?! I haven't even given the so called festive season a thought. No cards, presents - I've done absoultely nothing. I can't even think about it. Is there anyone in authority I can call to cancel it this year? 

OK I have got it out of my system for now. A very large mug of fully caffeinated coffee is calling me.

I know this is a me me me post. I hope you don't all hate me for it. 

Suzie xxx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Dear Suzie,

My heart goes out to yo  u . Please don't worry about a "me" post, aren't all posts a bit "me" ones?
I know exactly how you feel, I had    on our one and only ICSI cycle although we were so optimistic and everything looked fine. When we started I though "lets go for the icing on the cake", and if it does not work out - never mind, it was not meant to be due to medical imperfections and we are privileged to have each other .
When  appeared a week ago today I was absolutely devistated for having lost not just 7-cells I saw on a screen 14 days ago, but for our "baby". Sounds really stupid to anybody who has not been there, but to all women on this list it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do now. 

I was so hoping to see a  for the 1st time ever, something I could keep as a "proof" I was really truely pg, but we never made thi    s You are lucky to have frosties, we only made one grade1 embrie and it decided to grow wings....

God, I thought I am getting better after a week, but it still sets me off very easily....

Hang on in there Suzie, believing in your dream coming true can move mountains!

ULTRA

a


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Hello there

I've been dipping into this page for some time now, but haven't so far posted as I'm not currently going through TX.  However, I felt moved to reply to Suzie, as I went through something similar with my TXs and wanted to say I know how you feel.  I have had the experience a couple of times of getting BFP followed by AF shortly afterwards.  Up one minute, down the next.  Suzie, it's not something you're going to get over in 5 minutes, so please don't be shy about pouring out your feelings - it's what we're here for! 

It's great that you have got so many frosties, so at least you haven't got to go through the whole IVF cylce again.  Now that they're frozen, you can take as long as you need to get over this disappointment before you start the next attempt - I know your DH is keen, but don't let him rush you into it before you are ready.  

I am interested that your sister acted as your egg donor - I have discussed this with my sister as a possibility, but in my case, the problem seems to be with implantation rather than egg quality, and I am about to undergo a myomectomy next week to remove a fibroid which they think may be causing the implantation to fail.   We will be TTC again in the spring and I will rejoin this board properly then.

Until then, good luck to all of you.  At our age, we need it  

Essex Girl


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello again

thank you for your lovely understanding replies.   

Ultra and Essex Girl I'm so very sorry for your disappointments too.   

It's a hard path that we find ourselves on isn't it? It's like being punished for not having the right partner/circumstances at the right time. It's not my fault that I seemed to fall into a barrel of well disguised b**tards and a***holes and go out with them one by one is it?   Then I meet Mr Right at the grand old age of 32 but my lovely Mr Right didn't want children    

3 years of wrangling and crying and finally, because we have such a lovely relationship, acceptance on my part. This, curiously, was followed quickly by him changing his mind and agreeing to have a child because he loves me and wants me to be happy   Now, he actually wants a child with me for himself too   It's just too cruel isn't it that we just can't seem to get it right now we're in agreement on the subject of children.  Just not fair. IT's NOT FAIR     

OK, that's out of my system....for now anyway!

Essex girl - about donated eggs. I had a hydrosalpinx which may have been interfering with implantation for me. I had the offending tube removed in May. When it came to IVF it was our last go because of finances. We wanted the best possible chance of success and because we only produced 3 embryos from a cycle with my eggs, we decided to increase the odds by accepting my lovely sister's offer. (I got 3 excellent quality embies from 6 eggs so quality was good it's just that depleting egg supply maybe caused a low yield) We figured that not only did it give me the same chance of getting pg as a 34 year old, we also had a better chance of getting some frosties for another go at a more affordable cost. Obviously we had to think carefully about any emotional pitfalls but we all talked about it at length (including sis's DH) and nobody had any real issues with it.

It may not be an option you want to really consider at this stage but, if you have a close relationship with your sister, it's worth thinking about.

Well, I'm all typed out now. Thanks again for your lovely support and I hope we all have good news for one another in the coming months.

Love Suzie   and  to us all


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hello Goldies..

Suzie so sorry to hear your news it can be sooo.devastating. I have just been through an fet which gave us a bfp t with slowly rising hcg levels which gave us hope .then the news that the levels had fallen and baby was no more. We were devastated. The strange thing was I held onto the womb lining and have not actually bled yet and have ovulated since !! I had a scan and the lining  is VERY thick so to expect a huge bleed next week. I am dreading it .The clinic said it was very unusual but just my luck to be unusual eh!!!

We have just come back from the appointment with the DE nurse and things are moving in the right direction. We are 99% sure we want this now . We have to have another blood test, a cmv test which I had never heard of.You either carry the infection or you don't . It can give the baby the same problems as rubella. we also have to by law have been counselled .So a few things to do before we contact a clinic in Spain. I am so excited.

Hope everyone else is keeping chins up!!


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Ultra ..Did you get the email I sent you? Ihave just sent it but wasn't sure if I pressed the right button and then everything vanished.!  Cesca x


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

So glad your appointment went well and things are now moving forward.    I shall be really interested to see how you get on.  I am STILL waiting for my referral letter from my GP (although I understand it is now in the post - but they send everything second class  ) It was posted Wed so I am hoping it will get here tomorrow so I can write off.  Hopefully once I get that appointment I can move forward with whether we have another try with my eggs or onto egg donation.  I think the latter is looking more likely.  Do you mind me asking how much you have to do over here before you contact Spain.  And how were your clinic with regards to going abroad for DE?  

Susie - I was so sorry to read what had happened.    Xmas is a tough time I know.  I really feel it at this time of year.    I had a miscarriage early this year and I am really having to not think about the fact I could have had a little one before this Xmas.  My plan B is buying lots of champagne for this Xmas!  

Sending lots of love to the rest of you.... hope you are all bearing up with this    I'm in the Midland and the snow hasn't reached me yet!!!  Buying extra logs for the fire this weekend.

Thank you for all the support and speak very soon. 
Love Nikki


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki,  Hi, the first thing i did was hang around on the tx abroad site!! .You gain a massive amount of knowledge from their experiences.  We then made an appointment with our consultant who then made an appointment with their DE nurse who we saw today. You have to be up to date with all the screening ie HIV tests etc. The ceram clinic in Spain like them to have been done within the last 6 months!  more expense!!  They also like a pelvic examination which has t also o have been done in the last 6 mths. We were told today that can be as much as £3oo!! A hysteroscopy which I paid £7oo last year is not want they want! My clinic are in the early stages of trying to set a link up with Ceram in Spain as the head nurse knows the nurse involved in ceram.Which will make life alot easier,but it won't be set up until next spring so we are pioneering links early!!  The waiting lists are about 5years which is not an option for us unless you are cmv negative which quickens the process as most people are cmv positive.  Hope this helps and anything else we find out I will tell you.  Cescaxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki I've just re read my post and realized I didn't say the waiting lists in our particular clinic in the uk are 5yrs not Spain !! The Spanish don't seem to have waiting lists and things move very rapidly after your initial consultation. cesca x


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi everyone, how are you all doing today ?  Ok I hope ?

Susie, I was so sorry to read of your heartbreak...my heart goes out to you at the loss of your baby.  I lost my baby at 9 weeks pg in June of this year through a mmc and had to go into hospital for an erpc operation.  I was and still am devastated at losing my baby so I fully understand how you feel.  All we can do is keep trying to stay positive ( not always possible I know !).  You have lots of lovely frosties so I hope and pray that your next attempt will bring that baby you long for safely into your arms.  Take care and be kind to yourself...

Well, I have all my drugs etc and I'm ready to start the rollercoaster ride again on Monday probably when af is due !  It's daunting and scarey but as the saying goes, 'you've got to be in it to win it ' !!!

Lots of love and luck to everyone on here.  We all deserve some good luck so here's lotsof    and      for you all.
xxxxx


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello

thanks for all the messages of love, support and encouragement.

Hollysox - I wish you so much luck for this new cycle   I love your motto "in it to win it"! How right you are!

Nikki - So sorry to hear about your sad loss too. Yes Christmas is always hard without kids.  I do love being with my nepews and neice though. It's all about them really isn't it? You enjoy that champagne girl with your DH. You never know, a bit of drunken   might produce an unexpected result!! Well...stranger things have happened! 

Cesca - I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. It's such a devestating thing to happen. I was sort of prepared for a BFP or BFN but not a m/c. I never even considered it. I hope the wicked   isn't to hard on you when it finally shows up. Good luck on your DE quest! It will improve your chances enormously. I look forward to hearing your news in the future. 

I still have a very clear bfp on my home pg test today. Phoned the doctor as requested but she wasn't concerned. I have to test every 48 hours and keep in touch with them. I live too far away to get blood tests. Any pain and I have to go up to casualty in case of an ectopic. I'm feeling better generally today - not so blue. i just wish my body would fall into line so that I can get back to normal. The bfp, sore boobs & nausea is not helping me one little bit. Patience & deep breaths are what's needed here!

Well, thanks again for everything and good luck to all

Love Suzie xxx


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Suzie - I don't want to give you false hope, but are you sure you have lost it?  I know someone who had a AF and was still pg.  She went on to have a perfectly normal baby afterwards.  Was your AF the full works or lighter than usual? If you're still getting BFPs and getting unusual symptoms, keep testing and don't write it off until you finally get a BFN.  We'll all keeping our fingers and toes crossed for you...     

Essex Girl


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello

thanks for your reply hun but I don't think there's any chance I'm pg now as I had a very heavy & painful af. I suppose there is always a very teeny tiny nagging little bit of hope until a negative shows up but highly unlikely.

Thank you for thinking of me though  

Suzie x


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Hope we are all okay today.  Well the snow has reached the Midlands   Yuk - I hate snow - especially when you have to go out in it!!  I got my appointment through today for my new clinic so I can relax a little now.  It will be 22 December - glad it came through before xmas!  I have to get an up to date FSH test done and get hold of my records from my current clinic.  I have a few weeks so I don't have to rush around like the mad woman that I am!!   

Cesca - Thank you so much for the information.  Would it be ok if I sent you an IM?   I have all the info from CERAM and I have a few questions to ask them too.  I know what you mean about waiting lists.... I think at the new clinic it would be 12 months but everywhere else I asked was between 3 and 5 years and like you the wait isn't really practical or wanted!! 

Suzie - thank you for you message.  Hope you are holding up    And you are right drunken   is always worth a try - I've been trying everything else! LOL  

Well - I have to dash out now.

  Sending fairy dust to all of you in the hope it blesses some if not all.
Nikki xxxx


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello girls

just a quick update.

I spoke to my GP today (to get a sick note for last week's absence) and filled him in on what's been happening. He seemed quite concerned and is making an appointment for me to go to the early pregnancy unit at the local hospital for blood test and scan. I'm so relieved that somethings being done to put my mind at rest. I wish I'd spoken to him sooner. My concern really is that I have an ectopic in my only good tube as I'm feeling quite a few twinges there over past few days.

My HCG last Wed at the clinic was consistant with an ongoing pregnancy (1592) but as they didn't have earlier bloods to compare, they had no idea whether there had been any change in the levels. Having a blood test tomorrow will hopefully give an indication of what's happening. Also hoping the scan will show that there is no ectopic. (If - and I don't think there's any chance -I'm still pregnant in the conventional sense, I will actually faint on the spot after what I've been through!)

I'll keep you all posted

Love Suzie x


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Suzziegirl, 

I will keep every finger & toe crossed for you that you are still carrying one of your fighter embries!!! It would be such a boost to everyone on this thread if a Goldie will manage to beat the wicked   this year.

All the best,

-ULTRA-


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## jules44 (Oct 25, 2005)

Hi to Ultra & all the other Goldie's, thanks for your message Ultra, yes i did follow the the 2WW thread when i was on my 2WW. It was comforting to read that all the feelings etc i was going through had been felt by others,helps to stop you feeling as though you are not becoming too obsessive. I had only just discovered this site then and had not "joined up"
Just wondering if there are any Goldie's out there who have had positive outcomes from their experiences, it would be good for the moral to be able to read one or two.
love & luck to all


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Jules,

Good question, why not post a new thread on the Over 40's TTC category. I have not figured out yet how to do this, maybe a moderator could help?

-ULTRA-


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Suzie

Glad someone is doing something for you!     I have everything crossed for you that this has a positive outcome sweetheart!!!        

lots of love
Nikki xxxxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls just wanted to see how you are all bearing up right now !

Suzie, I am also keeping everything crossed for you hun.  Miracles do happen so why not to you ?!!  I hope everything goes well for your blood test tomorrow... I will be thinking of you    

Well, I had my first d/r injection last night !  I was so nervous about doing it again but I managed ok...I will be d/r for 5 weeks though which is something I am not too happy about.  I rang and spoke to the nurse this afternoon and she told me not to worry but that's the only way they can do it.  If they'd started me on day 21 I wouln't be ready for my baseline scan.  So....5 weeks d/r it is for me   Anyone else d/regged for this length of time ?  For my first attempt at ivf they put me on 0.2 buserelin which didn't work at all so I then had to go up to 0.5 until I was ready to start stimming. I was d/regging for about 6 weeks that time !!!  Anyway, enough of my worrys and moans !  I hope everyone is ok and just want to wish you all tuns of       for wherever you are in your tx.

Take care All
xxx


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello everyone

Thanks for all your replies

My appointment at the EPAU is tomorrow at 9.30am so I'll update you all as soon as I know anything.

 As a word of encouragement my 41 year old friend has just had a beautiful baby girl from a FET having had a failed IVF and 4 failed IUI plus several m/c s in past years. There IS hope for us all!!

Love Suzie xx


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Hi ULTRA

If you go into the index of the over 40's above the threads you will see these buttons _ Mark as read notify New topic New poll _
To start a new topic click on the new topic button and then you need to put a title in the title box then your post then click post and your done.

if you have any problems please IM me

love kimx x x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hell Goldies....well we have quite a few new ladies which is great. 
Hollysox... Ooh I bet you are nervous ,excited ,scared and hopeful all wrapped up in one bundle!  Wishing you all the best and will be keeping fingers crossed tightly for you.   

Suzie,  well all the best today, hoping things turn around for you.   

Nikki.. of course you can IM me    I have emailed Ruth at Ceram twice but still haven't had a reply. I am getting concerned and paranoid now. I keep wondering why she hasn't got back to me ,Is it because the email didn't get there or is it because she thinks we are not the kind of couple they want (Paranoia set in!)   My excitement has now turned into worry. What is it about IVF that always gets us soooo worked up!  We are having our counselling on Thursday ,so I'm sure she will tell us if we are  not the type to go through it!
I'm glad you got your appointment through its one thing less to worry about!. Which clinic have you gone to?

Everyone else .. thinking of you all and some fairy dust for luck.


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hello Everyone

just an update for you. I've posted pretty much the same on Donor Eggs board so apologies if you're about to read this again!

My twinges got more painful last night and I finally went to A & E at about 3am but there was nobody who could do a scan!  They took my blood & did pg test and did an internal though. Advised me to go home and attend the early pregnancy assessment unit at 9.30 as planned and they would make sure blood results were ready for my appointment.

I went to EPAU, had a scan and miscarriage confirmed. No sign of an ectopic but a small fragment of about 3mm still in uterus. They're not concerned about this but will get doc to look at pictures later and ring me to tell me what he says. HCG has dropped to 190 and I have to do a pg test in 1 week. As long as it's negative, there's no problem but I have to get in touch if it's still positive.

So that's it then. I knew I'd miscarried but it brought a brand new lump to my throat to hear the nurse say she was very sorry that I'd lost my pregnancy.

As a form of alternative treatment, I'm thinking about getting completely and regularly drunk as a skunk, taking drugs, hanging around street corners and eating junk food  Well, it works for the kids round my way  

Hope you're all ok.

Love Suzie xxx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Oh Suzzie, 
sooooooooooo sorry to hear your news    to go through all of these feelings again must be absolute horror, my heart goes out to you  ...

Your so brave not to have lost you SOH. 

I also sometimes think : why do a lot of people who don't want children get pntand have an NHS funded abortion while we who are desperate for a child, getting into debt to pay for complicated fertility treatment.

It's so unfair.....   


-ULTRA-


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hi Ultra

I know what you mean. It gets me right in my heart and guts when I think about all that stuff.

There's a young couple who live near me, about 18yrs old with a toddler. They have these awful screaming matches in front of the child. The other day he was outside holding the child while she was throwing all his stuff out of the window calling him everything "you f  ing c  t bring my f  ing kid back or I'll f  ing kill you!" His language was just as choice. All the while, the child was crying her little eyes out.

I swear to God, I am not a violent person but I wanted to smack them both in the mouth and take that poor child away from the pair of them. what chance has that poor little girl got with parents like that?

It just isn't fair is it?       

Oooh I'm going to push the boat out and have a cup of fully caffeinated coffee and a big fat lovely juicy cream cake.  

Love Suzie xx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Suzie

So sorry about your news honey... I know it is really hard.    In fact it has brought tears to my eyes just reading it as it brings back memories of earlier in my year.  Just hang in there and I am sure that your time is just around the corner.    Meanwhile drunk as a skunk sounds like a good option!  Although if you are anything like me I find I can't drink very much anymore!!!!    One glass and I've had it!! 

I had to have a chemical miscarriage induced earlier this year as there was no heartbeat.  Even though after 3 weeks of scans and them telling me to expect a miscarriage (which my body wouldn't do) the finality of it all when I went into hospital broke my heart.  In fact it's probably best I don't dwell on in too much.  

It's very very hard but the hurt does pass in time.

I wish you so much luck for your next try and I am sending you loads of    

love Nikki xxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

Thanks for your message... I have sent you an IM!  

Speak soon
love Nikki xxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

Sorry - meant to say that I am going to Care in Nottingham!

Nikki xx


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Suzie

I have no words just truly gutted for you 

Love KImx x x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Suzie .. so sorry things went as they did today ,we were all hoping sooo much for things to turn out well. You know we are all here for you to rant and pour your heart out. Sending you cyber hugs .   Look after yourself and DH . love Cesca xx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Oh Suzie that is so unfair, I am so sorry your pregnancy did not continue 

Hollysox - Best of luck with this new cycle, all our hopes and prayers are with you (no pressure then   ) ! 

Cesca - Good luck with the DE process and your counselling this week. 


Love and luck to everyone else ! 

Lx


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

Dear Suzie,

So sorry about your bad news. I so agree about the unfair seeing all these people with kids that arent loving them enough and seemingly don't deserve them. Really what IS going to happen our world? Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hope you enjoyed your caffeine and ice cream.

Joan x


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies, Just wondered how you are all doing ?  I'm day 4 of d/regging and think the moods are hitting already !!! EEEK !  I've been really down today and generally cant be bothered with anything.  I tried to do some Xmas shopping and ended up coming home with nothing ?!  I've been obsessing about seeing pg women again and feeling so jealous of them...I know it's wrong, I just cant help myself.  I'm also beginning to think of 'what should have been'.  My baby would have been due in January so this is praying on my mind at the moment.  I'm thankful in a way that I will be preparing for my second EC and ET around this date cos it will help me focus on something positive.  I'm really sorry to be such a moan today girls. Just ignore me !  I blame it all on Buserelin !!!!!
Sending lots of love to you all and tuns of


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hi Hollysox

Those Buserelin moods are wicked aren't they? I'd completely forgotten what a complete and utter cow I became last year    It all came back to me with a vengeance this year though. My DP couldn't do or say anything right - and at a time when you need and want to be drawing closer. I hope to God that that is NOT what the menopause is going to be like!

Don't worry about the green eyed monster honey.  It's perfectly understandable especially around Christmas. The whole children and baby thing just intensifies doesn't it? And with January being a significant month for you too.   

Do what I do - buy online! Boots is fabulous with it's bogof offers and it all gets delivered to the door. Heavenly! Also Firebox has some lovely gadgety things. 

Don't worry about moaning - you just get it all off your chest hun. We all need to let of steam now and again. Anyway it is the buserelin taking over your normally serene and pure thinking self  

I'm having a low day today. All tearful at work whenever I had a quiet moment. Thankfully I have my own office so I could do it in private. I feel weighted down with sadness and loss today. 

I feel like all my lovely FF friends have been holding my hand and guiding me along in my hour of need and I am so so thankful to you all.  

Love Suzie xx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies I am just going to have a little rant and scream with frustration AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Feel a little better! We have an appointment with the counseller at 10.30am and my DH has just told me he can't make it.I feel so angry ,he has known about it for a week and then tried to blame me for not telling him what time it was. Even though it is in big letters in our joint diary. I could flipping ( have to be polite!) strangle him. So I am going alone., and that is exactley how I feel alone. I am so pi..ed off with all of this ,I just feel like giving it all up . Cesca


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Oh Cesca

    

Men and dates!    I have to remind Dh every day the things we are doing as he is not good with remembering them.  We have a joint diary too!

Hope it wasn't too bad on your own!  I know it's not the same as having him there!  

Let us know how it goes....

thinking of you ..

Nikki xx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - Rant all you like. My dh is the same, he even forgets about appointments he has made ! I hope your counselling session went well.

Suzie - I hope you are feeling better today, it does you good to get it all out. Take care 

Hollysox - I hope your d/regging is going better, do you know when you will start stimming ? Its weird how you go through phases of seeing nothing but pg women, especially on your down days.

Lots of fairy dust to all you Goldies  

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Good morning Goldie's... 
Nikki. thanks so much  for all the info you sent me, I did return your email saying it had arrived ,but for some reason it was returned .I have sent you another, hopefully that will arrive! I also emailed Fiona at Ceram and she REPLIED!!!!! Thanks again. What would we do without everyones help? How anyone gets any info without FF ,I don't know!

Lorri thanks for the support.B....y men !! 

Suzie..  I hope you are looking after yourselves. It is such a difficult time for you both. Alot of pampering is what the doctor would order. 

I was so angry on Friday I couldn't think straight. I really went to town on my DH and he was so apologetic ,I couldn't not forgive him! I actually went to the conselling alone and asked her if we could change it for an afternoon appointment. She very kindly juggled things around and fitted us in. Dh then arrived promptly and we had a very interesting session. We talked about all sorts and the one thing we wanted to know was wether we should be open about DE or keep it all secret and don't tell anyone. Well the thoughts are we should be open and therefore no one will get hurt .Also how to approach the subject with my children ,which I was very apprehensive about. She advised to discuss it with the both of them as ask them how they feel about it,before we even decide ourselves. Rather than facing them with look this is how it is live with it kind of attitude. I was so worried as to how my eldest would react but thought it best to do as she advised. So, we sat down at the dinner table and half way through dinner I brought the subject up as asked their thoughts on it.....Well they were both so chilled about it and encouraged us to go ahead! They said it wouldn't make any difference to how they would feel about the baby even though they would not actually be any blood relation. "Great" said my youngest" It would still be my brother or sister".We were flabbergasted. It just goes to show it is never as bad as you think it will be. In fact it's so much better as their will be no secrets or lies now .
So we have to take the next step now ,contact Spain for an appointment!!!!!!! I will keep you all posted.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Hope you all had a good weekend!  How are we holding up so far.  I don't know about you but I am fed up with all this dreary rain!

I made Xmas cake last week and I am moving on to mince pies this week....  perhaps that will make me feel warm and cosy!   

Cesca - thanks for all your messages... I got the second batch    Glad to see everything can move forward for you and that the kids were so supportive..... that's lovely.  

Well I have no big news...  I am shopping my little derriere off so I can get it all done before the last couple of weeks and trying to shake off an annoying cold (probably given to me by other Xmas shoppers  )  I finally ovulated on Friday (day 22) but I can already feel af thinking about arriving.... she likes to give a lot of advance warning for maximum misery!    Anyway this is my post IVF cycle so anything could happen this month!  

Anyway - just a quickie for now and catch up with you all a bit later 
much love and    to you all.
Nikki xxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Everyone, how are you all doing today ?  I've had a ok day today as opposed to the s**t one I had yesterday !!!  My job is driving me CRAZY !!!!!  I spent most of yesterday composing my resignation letter in my head ?!  Today things weren't so bad thankfully.

Lorri - how are you doing at the mo ?  Good I hope ?  You asked when I start stimming.  Well, hopefully when I go for my baseline scan on Jan 4th I'll be ok to start then.  They have ec scheduled for Jan 16th so I just hope my body does what it's supposed to in the mean time !

cesca - That is fantastic about the way your kids have taken your news !  What a huge relief for you both !!!  Lots and lots of luck for your appointment in Spain !

Suzie - thanks for all your lovely words and support...how are you doing at the moment ?  Ok I hope ?  God, I dont know what I'd do without the help and support from all my friends on FF....

Nikki - Poor you...How's the cold ?  Look after yourself and keep warm !  I'm like you - frantically trying to get the last of my shopping done.  I cant believe it is so close now.  I hope the Christmas cake came out ok ?  My sister has made me one this year which I am VERY happy about.  She's a lovely cook...me however, well lets just say I'm not the best !!!  My attempts at sponge cakes usually end up like biscuits ?

Sending everyone tuns of    

Love to all
xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

My cold is getting much better now!    Thank you for asking    I've actually finished my shopping now!     And boy do I feel smug   

I'm not bad at cooking.  Dh is really good too but he doesn't do baking!    I am about to start making mince pies!      My cake looks good.... of course the proof of the pudding as they say...... that will have to wait until nearer Xmas.

I think af may be on her way!!!  

Hope you are still feeling a bit better!    It's all so hard isn't it?  

Lots of love to you and speak soon
Nikki xxx


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hi Everyone

Nikki - Well done you on the baking front.  I usually do a lot but this year I'm a bit bah humbug! I might rustle up some mince pies at some point but as for anything else... I just don't wanna know  ! I have done every single bit of Christmas shopping online this year. Even wrapping paper & cards! I really don't think I could face the hoards of lunatics in the shopping centre   Hope you're ok and don't let the wicked evil  get you down too much

Hollysox - How are you hun? Have the Buserelin moods got you by the throat or are you ok? Sorry to hear your job is getting to you - maybe things will settle down. I hope you've managed to get your shopping done without too many headaches and stresses. So, 4th Jan for your scan then? Good luck with everything. I can't believe you already have your EC date! Is that normal? My clinic only schedule it when they know you're ready. 

Cesca - I'm pleased everything is going well and that your children are so supportive. What a difference that will make hun! Also I was happy to see that your counsellor managed to see both of you in the end last week! Men!!   Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em    I look forward to following your progress with Spain. 


Lorri - thanks for all your good wishes sweetheart. It meant a lot.

I'm finallly getting a -ive pg test. It took 16 days from start of m/c to clear. I must still have loads of progesterone though because my (_o_)(_o_) are still so sore all the time. I never thought I'd say it but I actually can't wait for my next af so that I know my body is back to normal. I'm generally feeling brighter and not tearful which is a relief. I felt like it'd never end last week. I have waves of terrible sadness but I don't get dragged down into the "Slough of Despond" (love that name - it's a place in The Pilgrims' Progress - anyone read it?). My dp & I went out for a posh meal last night - 1st time out since m/c. Had a nice time just being together and laughing. Really nice.

Well I'm supposed to be working but doing this is much nicer  and anyway it's nearly my lunch break so this is a kind of winding down period so that I can full appreciate my grub   

Take care everyone and sorry to anyone I've missed out! 

Love Suzie xx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies...Well AF  arrived this morning with a vengeance. I feel absolutely drained ,god knows how long it will last, but there must be alot there!!(sorry tmi!) 

DH and I went to see our GP yesterday to discuss our plans and to see how much the surgery will help us. He was fantastic and said that he will even put my name on the list for a pelvic scan do all our meds and blood tests ,even DH's semen analysis! That should help alot with the pennies! 
We have been a little worried at the waiting lists is 6 mths or more as we are both blue eyed and I am a fairly rare blood group .B rhesus negative ( life for me is NEVER straight forward!!) But what else can we do.

I can't get into Xmas at all. I haven't done any  shopping and am getting a bit worried now ,I shall have to go tomorrowand try and get in the mood. It's just I have so much on my mind I can't focus!!

Hope everyone is okay speak to you soon. xx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi everyone...well, I'm going to have a bit of a rant today and it's got nothing to do with my drugs !!! (Actually, it probably has !)  A woman who I work with has just become a gran and her baby grandaughter was born prem and is still in hospital.  She was saying today how terrible it is that her daughter has to 'trail up to the hospital every day at feed times to feed her baby'.  TERRIBLE   MY GOD, what I'd give to have a baby to feed and look after !  I cant believe that the mother isn't staying with the baby all day anyway cos I'm damn sure nothing would keep me away from my baby !!!!  Why do some people bother to have children when they find the simplist thing such a chore ?!  Aaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhh.  Right - I feel better now !

So, how is everyone doing ?  

Nikki, I'm really glad that your cold is much improved. Hopefully by this weekend I will be smug too as I will have also finished my shopping.  Either that or I will be in a padded cell ?!  I'm actually with cesca, I just cant get into the Xmas spirit at all just yet...too many other things on my mind...

Cesca, how are you feeling now that  has arrived ?  Hope you aren't suffering too badly hun ?  Snuggle up with ahot water bottle if you can... Really pleased that your GP has been so helpful and understanding.  That is brill news !

Suzie, how are you feeling today ?  I'm glad that your body is showing signs of getting back to 'normal' now and that you are coping ok after your mc.  Your posh meal sounds like it was just the tonic you needed.  I think when we are coping with all the infertility stuff we sometimes forget what we were like before joining the rollercoaster and we lose our sence of humour along the way.  They say laughter is the best medicine dont they ?!  I'm doing ok at the moment, thanks for asking...the buserelin is definitely affecting me more than the first time I used it though.  I am most definitely very short tempered this time around !!!  Oh you mentioned it was odd that I already have a date for ec.  Well, it isn't actually set in concrete, it's sort of a provisional date.  They will try and get me ready for that date as near as damn it though.  I just hope I get to ec and et (panic beginning to set in ?!)

Anyway, take care everyone and I'm sending you all lots of  today.
love to all xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

hollysox..take deep breaths, those drugs are just wicked and make us into people we would rather not be!  Hang in there and you WILL get to ec, you just have to think positive,I know its hard .

I can't believe that grandmother was moaning about her daughter having to go up to feed the babe! what are some people like, I don't think they realize how lucky they are .Perhaps people like that should be made to read the posts sent by some of us on this site ! Maybe then they would think twice before moaning.
look at me ranting now and I am not even on any drugs!!!!


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Oh...forgot to say have emailed Ceram in Spain for an initial consultation!! Hopefully they will reply  quickly and make my life easy!!   
                Will keep you all posted!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

cesca, just wanted to say I think it's great that you have emailed Spain for your initial consultation !!!  I hope they answer straight away !!! Lots and lots of luck to you both !  Keep us informed of any progress !
Thanks for your words of encouragement re my tx.  I am trying to stay positive, I really am...

Take care and Hi to everyone else out there....

Oh cesca, sorry to get you into a rage too because of my comments.  You are so right though, some people just dont know how lucky they are !!!  Reading some of the heartache on this site would make them realise just how lucky they TRUELY are !

Sending everyone oodles of


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

well we have an appointment for the 18th of January at Ceram in Spain.  scarey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Well Done Cesca!!!

      

How exciting. Relax and take it easy if you can over Christmas - Eat drink and be merry 'cos next year you might be breast feeding!!!!!     

Love Suzie xx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Well done Cesca, do you have to learn Spanish for this? Egg donation would probably our next option IF we decided to try again, but at the Lister the waiting list is 2 years by that time I am DEFINATELY too old (45 this February). Sorry for being ignorant and noisy, would this mean you stay in Spain for whole tx (stimming, ICSI and then ET)?

Regards, -ULTRA-


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi  Goldies..  thanks for the support girls,we are going to need it!

Ultra... From what I gather you go over to Spain for a couple of days for your initial consultation and then if all is well you come home and wait for a donor to come along!  Then she goes through all the awful drug taking and you just sit at home taking hrt. When your donor is ready for EC the clinic tell you ,you then zip over, have et and bobs your uncle!!   Then you come home and sit tight for the dreaded 2ww. (I'm sure its alot more stressful than that but it is only a quick version of what we think happens!!!!)  
We couldn't wait for our clinic waiting times either ,they are up to 5 years which by then I'll probably be neededing a zimmer frame , so we are headed for Spain!  PS. you are the same age as me I am 45 in feb!! 

Hollysox ..how are your hot flushes going dear!  (couldn't resist!)   

Nikki ...  not long untill your appointment.Thinking of you.xxx

Hope everyone else is okay ,love to all cesca xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

I have been away this weekend..... great to come back and hear your news         .  I am really low at the moment. Just cant stop   on and off... but then I am due on today or tomorrow...    In fact I can't really get excited about my appointment next weeK     It's come around quickly hasn't it.   

If we were to go down the DE route in Spain we would probably have to pay for lots of the up to date tests needed as our GP wouldn't be able to help us but both Richard and I are normal bloods and I am brown haired, dark brown eyes and olive skin so the wait for us luckily wouldn't be very long at all.  But 6 months isn't very long by the time you have everything in place       I am so excited for you!   

Thank you for thinking of me...   and I promise to be a bit more chirpy next time!!  We have just been to Richards parents for the weekend and they are so lovely and supportive - we are so lucky.  But it makes me feel so sad for everyone!  

Anyway - I'll bring this post to a close before I depress everyone!  

Hope the rest of you girlies are ok.  

speak soon
lots of love
nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki, ups and down's are all part of this journey we  have taken, just let the tears flow .  I hope today you are feeling a little stronger. I have days when I imagine my baby is still growing inside of me and in my heart she is . It is all part of the grieving for that longed for baby .We all deal with it in different ways but I am thinking of you and am sending cyber hugs for you.   lot of love Cescaxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

Thanks for your post!!    still waiting to come on!!    I would rather not come on and it be good news!! (yeah right  ) than come on late as I wanted my new fsh done and results through for next Thursdays appointment....    Lifes a b*tch.  Or should that be  

Glad things are storming through for you though!!  

Speak soon
love Nikki xxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls, Just wondered how you are all doing ?  I just read some very interesting info about FSH levels on the main page of this thread !  If you haven't read it yet I'd give it a look !

Nikki, how are you feeling now ?  I was so sorry to hear that you have been especially low lately.  I hope you are feeling a bit better now though.  I'm sending you a special cyber    which I hope will make you feel a little bit better !  Take care of yourself hun...

Cesca, how are you doing ?  Not too long to wait until you go over to Spain ?! Bet you can hardly wait ?!  The process sounds very straight forward for the actual tx.  I hope and pray it all gets arranged for you very soon.  The hot flushes are coming along nicely thank you !!!  Especially at night time !  I dont think I've had much sleep for nights now !  I'm not doing too badly with the side effects at the mo though.  Or should I say I have had an ok day today. With these mood swings...anything can happen ! 

My clinic have finally found me a suitable donor which I am very relieved about and they have also brought my scan forward...one day !!!  I now have my baseline scan on Jan 3rd when hopefully I will be able to start stimming !!!  Then the panic will really start !

I hope everyone else is ok ?

Take care everyone and here's some   for all of us.

Love to all xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Well...... the wicked wicked   arrived and blew me out before Xmas!!!  Bum!!!!!  Am I allowed to say that 

Hi Hollysox.... I'm feeling a bit better - thank you for the hug.  I had to go for a new fsh test this morning!  Can't wait to see what it is..... NOT!  

Congratulations on being found a donor!!    How long have you had to wait??  I hope everything goes well for you in the New Year.    

Cesca..... how are you??  I am planning to get my moneys worth from my consultation on Thurs!!   I have a box file full of questions......    Well maybe not that many.... but rather a lot!  Are you ready for Xmas.  I think I need to get my passport renewed for any Spanish trips I make in the New Year should all go to plan.  

How are the rest of you girls....?  Thank you all for your support this year.  Let us hope that 2006 blesses us all.

Speak soon
love Nikki xxxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

hello Goldies,.... well I'm feeling a little under pressure ,as I still haven't done my Christmas shopping! I thought I would do it today but as the sun was shinning I thought blow it I shall go riding on my sweet horse and shop after .So off I went down to the stables and went out for a lovely hack with 2 of my friends. Came back and just got carried away with grooming him .It was like my little pony! Then I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to have gone to the dreaded shops. By that time it was too late and I had to pick my daughter up from school! I ended up doing some shopping but only the weekly shop in the lovely Tesco's!  May try again next week!  

Nikki... Well how did it go ,when do you get the result of your fsh test? Not long till your appointment .I hope it all goes to plan,and that you have a long appointment for all the questions you want to ask!!! 

Hollysox ...Hope your scan goes to plan and the body is behaving in the way it should,lots of mood swings sounds about right!!!!!!!!

Lorri.. we haven't heard from you in ages where are you? 
Wishing everyone else hugs and Happy shopping ( or have you all done it!!!)


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hi everyone sorry been a bit AWOL
Nikki how did your FSH  test go ? I had mine today and luckily turned out OK . Previously had been feeling a bit down about the whole IF thing
Cesca- did a little bit of Xmas shopping today. Just went to Borders books and ticked 3  off thel list. Don't worry there's plenty of time left
Hi to Lorri and Holly hope everyone is surviving the Xmas season


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi, 
yes sorry for being AWOL. My poor little cat is seriously ill and I haven't been up to posting much   . I have been popping in and keeping up to date with everyone. This thread has really taken off ! Its fab !

I had my followup today but have not been told anything I didn't already know !

Cesca - don't feel guilty, i was thinking today, walking back to Euston station that maybe I should go shopping instead of going home, but I didnt, I went home (couldn't be bothered as I feel too sad about my beloved cat). Do what I do, when I haven't bought anything, give money, vouchers or chocolates - such a copout but its the thought that counts ! Good luck in Spain, please keep us posted, as some of us may be following in your footsteps.

Zora - what did your FSH come back at ? Great that it was OK.

Nikki - Bum is fine, and so is pooh, bother and bo$$%&ks  

Holly - Fab news about your donor !  Do you have to pay extra for donor ?

Hello and good luck to everyone else.

Lx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

I don't get my results until next week!!!    Thats the NHS for you! 

Hope all you girls have a good weekend.

Lorri.... so sorry about your Cat.  It is awful when things happen to your pets - I have two cats.  Hope she will be ok     

speak next week all and love to all I have missed.
nikki xxxxxxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Good luck Nikki with your result.Where at you at with treatments. Sorry I've competely lost track with everyone 
Last time I  had my test done at the NHS it took 3 weeks to come cback and it wasn't even Xmas. I couldn't put myself through that this time . 
Lorri glad you finally had your review. Now you can have closure on your last tx and move on. Glad to see you are thinking of trying again. Sorry there was no real conclusion about the early ovulation . It's hard to take I know with the age factor as well . DOn't give up yet your response wasn't that bad it was just the EC that scuppered things. As my GP said. THINK POSITIVE        
Hi to everyone else.
Ultra did you go to Germany yet ?


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Sorry Lorri forgot to ask. How is your cat ?


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

I am in the process of changing clinic.  I'm going to go privately now.  I have my first consultation on this coming Thursday.  I should have my blood test through at my Dr's before I go up.  I also have my file from my old clinic to take with me and a pile of questions!    However it is possible that I will go down the DE route in Spain.   I'm going to see how Thursday goes first.

To be honest my response to IVF with only 2 follies makes my blood test academic so I suppose I'm not too worried about it as I expect it to be high.  

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.  We are off to some friends house warming this evening.... neither of us can be bothered to go.... we just want to stay home in front of the fire!!!   I wont be drinking as I am driving so I'll probably be asleep in someones chair by about 9.30!!!    

speak soon
lots of baby dust to you....  
love nikki xx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Nikki good luck with the new clinic.  It's so hard to know what to do sometimes Try to stay positive .
I fell asleep in my own home last night at 2130 halfway through Space Cadets. DOn't know what happened in the end. DH was working late. Drives him mad when I fall asleep in the middle of a film then wake up and wnat to know everything I missed


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Oh girls, there is such excitement going on in the abroadies site ,2 girlie's have got pregnant one the same day. One who is using her husbands sperm who sadly died earlier this year. How brave is that ! I'm so happy for them both I had to tell you about it.  speak to you all soon Cesca xx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Wow that lady has been thorugh so much how lovely for her to get a


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Young Ladies!!    

Well what the hell.... so we are!! 

Nice to see some BFP's on the other thread!    I had my fsh test back today and it has come in at 9 which is a load better than the 25.7 and 12 that it was in June and July this year.    So I can go fully armed to my appointment tomorrow.  About to sit down and write a whole load of questions! 

Well it is Dh's first day of his holidays and he is currently asleep on the sofa      I wouldn't mind but he is younger than me and you don't see me having to have an afternoon nap!!  

Hope you are all well and ready as you can be or feel like being for the festive season   and no doubt I will back on here bending your ears about my appointment tomorrow!!   

Till then keep well and  
love Nikki xx


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

I've been quite for a few weeks now but have been reading the boards.  After our second BFN in November (IVF turned IUI and transfer resulted in nasty bladder infection) I have been taking a bit of time out - oh and working very hard too.  Today made our follow-up consult with Lister for Jan 20th!  Not sure what their advice will be but I am seriously considering going to the US for our final try!!

My DH's best friend has sadly been diagnosed with terminal cancer and he probably has only a few months (39 and married 2 years  ) so been doing lots of supportive stuff for them and spending Xmas together.  Ironic - we want to make a new life and now we're watching our close friend fight to try to keep hold of his - funny old thing life.... 

On a brighter note  I read that FSH levels in IVF treatment have been proven by The Lister in a large group study to not have any affect on the outcome and are advising other clinics to treat women with FSH level greater than 10!  Not that this is my problem - we have yet to be proven to have any problem other than wrinkly eggs  

Just wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY HOLIDAY and thanks for all your support in 2005.  I'll be back.....     

Nuala


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Everyone, sorry not to have been around for a little while but my computer has been acting up !  Hopefully it's sorted now though ?!

There's so much news to catch up on !

Lorri, I was so sorry to hear that your cat is so ill.  I hope he begins to improve very soon.  It's awful when a pet is ill, you feel so helpless.  I'm sending you both a special cyber   
Oh, you asked me about the cost of IVF using donor sperm.  Yes it is a bit more expensive and it has just gone up too.  It now costs £2000 per cycle not including drugs.

Nikki, that's fantastic news about your fsh level !  Bet you are thrilled with that ?!  They haven't even checked my fsh before starting this round of IVF which I'm a bit concerned about.  My fsh level was 12  but it had been 3 when I first started IUI and then went to 6.  Hmmm, hope everything will be ok ?!  Anyway, I'm wandering off...Nikki, just want to wish you lots of luck at the new clinic too.  I hope everything works out well there for you.  

Cesca, have you finished your Xmas shopping yet ?  I have finally finished and boy am I relieved.  What I haven't got aint getting bought !!!  Hope you are doing ok though ?

nuala, I'm so pleased to see you back.  Sounds like you have been having a stressful time of it.  That is so sad about your DH friend...What an absolutely dreadful thing to happpen....You and your DH sound like very good friend to have. 

Zora, how are you doing hun ?  Ok I hope ??

Well, I am still plodding on with my d/regging.  I'm day 25 now !  Only 13 more to go until I get my scan to see if I can start stimming(please God!) This is dragging out so much...Still, just so long as I get to et and 'please God' that BFP result, I dont care what I have to do !!!

Hello to everyone I've missed out today.  Sending you all   and lots of good wishes for a happy Christmas.

Lots of love to all


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello Goldies,

Nuala - nice to hear from you. I am sorry about your friend,  I hope you manage to help make his remaining time lovely.

Hollysox - that d/regging must be a nightmare, I have never had to go through it as have always done short protocol. Stay strong and positive   

Cesca - Lovely to hear about other BFP's in 40+s Thanks !

Nikki - Good luck for your appointment. Give 'em hell !  

Zora -  Hello  

My beloved cat is a fighter and (after much treatment and hospitalisation) had been given a reprieve, not sure for how long, but he is snuggled up here beside me right now.

Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and New Year and loads of BFPs in 2006 !

Lx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Lorri

Give Oscar a special hug from me and my cats!!      Hope he keeps well now. 

Thanks for your good wishes.  Speak soon.

love nikki xx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies !  Hope you are all doing ok today ?

Lorri, that is wonderful news about Oscar !  I hope he continues to improve and makes a full recovery very soon  .  
Yeah, you are so right - this d/regging seems never ending !  I'm having to d/reg this long because of the way my cycle fell and to fit in with their scheduled ec date ?! Just so long as I get to ec and et I will be VERY happy !

Sending everyone lots of     for wherever you are in your tx.  Take care. Love to all xxx


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2005)

Hi ladies

I've been a member of ff for a few yeasr, but don't post very often, now that I've seen the over 40's section I thought I'd post and introduce myself. I'm 42 and a bit. 4 miscarriages since 40 and 2 failed iui's. Doctors don't seem to be very encouraging about me getting pregnant with my own eggs, though I'm still trying....not as hard as I used to but still trying ina more mellow kinda way. Donor egg is an option but not yet certain.

I personally know many ladies over 40 who conceived and had perfectly healthy babies. One of them which is my husband and another my sister in law both born after their mum hit 40. So I know it does happen. 

Best wishes to everyone, 

latemumx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

HI everyone.
Latemum thanks for your post . It's really hard sometimes to stay positive but success stories are always a boost. Thanks for that. Sorry to hear about your m/c's. HOpe next year is a good one for you.
HOllysox nice to hear from you
Lorri -glad Oscar is better
Nikki great news about your FSH. All stations are go !!I'm panicking about my Jan tx already. It's so hard not to be negative I'm finding. 
Hi Nuala and Cesca
HOPe everyone has a fab Xmas


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hello Girls and welcome latemum.

Well just a very quick ME post as I have just come back from my consultation.  Have decided as everything is good apart from my Eggs (they have given me a 5% success rate due to the fact the quality isn't good but more the fact that I only produce 2 and they can't do anything about that) we are going back to IUI for 3 cycles and then onto donor eggs probably in Spain.

We are quite happy with this in fact I am quite pleased not to be going through IVF again (although sad my eggs are so crap  ) and will just keep our fingers crossed that we will get a lucky hit that runs full term with IUI.  I respond better to IUI anyway and Dh has always thought that we would be better with that route and the consultant agrees.  We always seem to get a 100% fertilisation rate which is quite rare even though we have so few eggs to go with so that is in our favour!

It's been a long day for me with all the worry of going to a new place although they were lovely and it is really nice there so I am going to finish up here and will post again soon.

Latemum - thanks for posting some good over 40 results for us and I am sending you lots of     that 2006 is your year!!  

Hollysox - I sure hated the long down reg of my first IFV (did short protocol after that) - not long to go now though!!     

going now
hugs nikki xxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

HI Nikki you must be pleased that you have now got that  consultation out of the way. Onward and upward
New Year-New Start-New Luck 
I don't know much about IUI as I went straight to IVF due to age factor. I really hope it wiorks for you next time. 
Nuala- sorry to hear about your DH's best friend. How is he coping ? Must be a really tough time for you both.
Xmas wishes to everyone else


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

Thank you for your good wishes    They gave me the same chance of success with IUI and as my infertility is unexplained and Dh   seem to be ace commando's at the moment. I can go for the less invasive - as I only get the 2 follies with IVF it's as long as it's broad.  I felt I was being guided in the right direction which is the main thing!  

Lots of     to you for your next ICSI in Jan hon!! 

Baby dust to you all this Xmas     Keep well and happy.

Nuala... sorry to read your news about DH friend.  How tragic.  

To everyone I have missed...  
Nikki xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi goldies.. Just popping in briefly to wish everyone the seasons greetings! We have been so busy entertaining family I'm exhausted. We are now off to Italy to stay with Dh's sister for the new year,worryingly we have 6" of snow ,are we going to get to the airport! will speak to you all when we get back (thats if we can get out the lanes on to the motorway!!)  love Cesscaxxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies, Hope you all had a lovely time at Christmas ?  Why couldn't this snow have come on Christmas Day ??  Hope everyone is keeping nice and warm though ? 

Well, only 6 more days until my baseline scan when hopefully I can start stimming !  These night sweats are REALLY bugging me now !  I just hope all is ok to start stimming on the 3rd.  I'm beginning to get a bit stressed about my app. now !

Anyway, I hope you are all doing ok and looking forward to the New Year.  I'm hoping and praying that we ALL have a Happy, Healthy and 'Productive' 2006 !!! Sending you all lots of love and


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

HAPPY NEW YEAR    

Hope 2006 is a good one for all of us


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE !!!  Hope this year all your dreams come true....

Yeah !!! I can start stimming tomorrow...I've been d/regging for ages now so it is good to finally move forward a little bit.  

How is everyone else doing ?  It seems to have gone VERY quiet on this thread, or have you all moved and not told me ?! 

Take care all
xxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

I'm still here and there !! Good luck with the stimming. I should be joining you next week


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Zora, I am not alone after all ?!!!  Thanks for your good wishes and lots of luck to you for next week too...


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies...  Happy New Year  .....we have just returned from Italy and I am exhausted from all the festivities!!!We missed our flight on new years day due to the fact the road was impassable ,sheet ice everywhere. So we tried desperately to get another flight and the only ones we could get were the next day and flying into gatwick instead of stansted! Of course our car was at Stansted so had to hire a car to retrieve ours!! all in all just  our return cost us £1400! We are devastated as we are having to go to Spain for out first consultation on the 18th January. I wish that unclaimed lottery ticket could be forwarded to my charity!!!!!      
Any way how is everyone? Feel like its been ages since I was last on the site.  Speak to you all again soon.  Love Cesca xxxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Welcome back Cesca. Sorry you got stuck .Will you be able to claim anything on your insurance ? 
Anyway hope before that you managed to have a good time in Italy. Good luck with your next treatment


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls....

I'm still here too!    Hope you all had a good Xmas and New Year.  I have to own I have been a bit blue through the whole time   in spite of all my best endeavours!! Never mind.... New Year... New Start!  

Baby dust all round I say    

Cesca.... what a nightmare you had     Not long until that January appointment now!    You must be getting quite excited! 

Hollysox.... Stimming now...      Hooray for you!     Lots of luck  

Zora.... Good luck for your stims next week too   

I'm still waiting for my schedule to come through from my new clinic before I can start - what with Xmas I expect it has been held up.  Depending on    I may start IUI on the next cycle. Can't say I am feeling that positive about things though.  Although I am on my TTC Naturally 2ww at the mo and only 4 days past ovulation. If she doesn't turn up I shall be more than happy.... You never know.  Miracles sometimes happen!!   

Hope 2006 is a happy year for us all.

Speak soon.  love Nikki xxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies, just popped on to see how eveyones doing...

Nikki, I know what you mean about Christmas, glad it's over with now though and as you say, NEW YEAR - NEW START   Wishing you lots of luck for your natural cycle this month hun.  I'm keeping everything crossed for you   

Cesca, what an end to what I hope was a fab holiday in Italy !  Hope you have recovered from all the upset now.  Not long until your trip to Spain eh ?!  Bet you are getting excited now !!!

Hi Zora hope you are ok today hun ?

Well, the day has arrived to start my stims jabs.  I'm quite nervous (you'd think I'd never done them before !) I'm sure I'll be fine though and just hope I dont have too much of a struggle(unlike last time) to produce some lovely follies which more importantly contain some super fab eggs ?!

Sending everyone lots of love and


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

Sending you some special follie dust to help them appear and grow!!    

Hope the jabs are ok!!      I just hated them even with an auto injector!!  What a baby I am!!    

speak soon
love Nikki xx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Oh Girls - I am so very very down.    I spoke to my best friend today as I was so upset and just cried and cried!     Which is what I am doing now.

Sorry... just feel so very unhappy and alone.  

nikki xx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Nikki hun, dont feel alone !  We're all here for you...sending you lots of cyber  .  If crying helps to make you feel a little bit better then cry all you want.  I wish I could help more but I'm here if you want to chat...


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Thanks Hollysox.... I know you are all here for me which is so lovely.  Just feel really isolated with everything at the moment.  Like I have lost all hope.  Perhaps it's my hormones.  Don't really know why I feel so bad. I usually manage to bumble along ok but not at the moment!

Thank you for the hug.... really much appreciated.  
nx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Nikki, how are you feeling today ?  I'm so sorry that you are having such a rotten time of it at the moment...the stress of all the tx we have just gets overwhelming at times and we find it so hard to cope...Having a good cry always helps me though and remember, dont bottle things up either.  That is not good !  I know that too well.  Last year after having all my failed attempts at iui I felt as if I was truely losing the plot.  I ended up on the sick from work for 7 months !  Although it is good to talk I know that sometimes it's not easy...My baby would have been due to be born next week and that is praying on my mind A LOT at the moment.  However, I dont feel as if I can talk to anyone in my family about how I'm feeling right now.  ( sorry I have just contradicted everything I've just advised you to do !) A least writing things down on this site and talking to others who REALLY understand DOES help.  

You take special care of yourself and give yourself a little treat (my counsellor always gave that advice !).  I hope you will be feeling MUCH better soon...
Sending more cyber


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

  Oh sweetheart... lots of hugs for you for next week.  It's really hard I know.  Sometimes I get so choked I can't talk! So many milestones to get over!!  

I am less weepy today - just a bit flat but looking forward to the weekend when I can spend time with dh who has been so lovely.    I really wish my cycle would settle down - it seems that since my miscarriage and the subsequent IVF treatments I am permanently hormonal!    I would like to pretend to be really brave but I'm not much good at it at the moment.  Failure overload I think.

Thank you for asking about me.... I am a lot better than yesterday..... just don't know what was going on but I was very low.     It kind of creeps up on me and really swamps me. And I feel so lonely.

I am having chocolate for my special treat.  It is great to have people like you on this site who really understand... I would be really lost as apart from my dh - no-one I know really understands how it is!

Thank you for being there and if you feel crap next week please don't be afraid to get in touch.. I will be thinking of you.     You are right - it's not good to bottle things up. 

love Nikki xxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Nikki...  I'm so glad you are feeling a little bit better today...Thanks for your kind words too...  None of this is easy but so long as we stick together we'll get through...
Have a lovely weekend and enjoy all that lovely choccy too !

Lots of love, Sharon x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Oh girls .. (especially Nikki and Hollysox)  Feeling low I think is what creeps up on us when we least expect it . Having just had Christmas and everything, I think we keep everything together and then when it all goes back to normal it just all heaves out . At least we all have each other ,(which for me helps sooo much as you are all sooo lovely )  we know exactly how it is for others when they are feeling bad . Sending you all hugs and thinking of you Cesca xxxxxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello fellow Goldies !  What cr*p weather   !

Hollysox - How is the stimming going ? Any idea when EC is ?

Zora - How are you getting on ? Where are you in your tx ? Have you started stimming yet ?

Nikki - How are you ? I hope you are feeling more positive, but it really does hit you at times doesn't? I get low points too, where all I want to do is cry. When do your iui's start ? Big cyber hugs to you, we all need it at times  

Cesca - I hope you have recovered from your "journey" ! I hope all the rest and good your break did you has not been undone. Surely your travel insurance will cover the cost of the hire car ?!?!

Sorry I have not posted in a while, but I have been keeping up with everyone's news, but not really had a lot to say   .  Anyway, just a quickie to wish everyone well and for those who love furbabies to let you know that my beloved Oscar has had followup tests, and is doing really well. He has stabilised and is now considered "slightly abnormal" which is a huge huge improvement from the last rights he was issued a couple of weeks before Christmas. Phew   ! 

Lx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Oh Lorri I am so pleased to hear that Oscar has improved so much lately and hope that he continues to get better !  Having fur babies is such a worry at times...I almost lost my little Daisy when she was only 12 weeks old but thank God she pulled through ! 

My stimming is going ok at the mo.  At least the hot flushes have eased A LOT since I started my menopur.  Today I have begun to get a bit of cm so things are hopefully coming along nicely in there.  My scan tomorrow will hopefully show some follies developing !  I'm dreading going to be honest incase things aren't as they should be....I'll let you know how I get on anyway.  If all goes to plan then I am scheduled for EC on the 16th ! Which is next Monday... 

So, how is everyone else doing ??  Cesca, thank you for the hugs and thoughts... I hope you are you are feeling ok at the moment ?

Nikki, thank you for the pm.  I'm just off to answer you now !!!

Take care everyone...xxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Nikki hope you feel better
Lorri - hi not spoke in a while
Hollysox good luck with scan tomorrow. Wow Jan 17th  
Cesca how are you doing ? 
Promise for longer post next time


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Girls

Thank you for all your lovely hugs and posts.  Although not great I am much improved on last week - just feel very flat now!  But thank you so much.   

Lorri.... I am so pleased to hear about Oscar.  Glad he has the thumbs up.      It is so distressing when pets are poorly. So pleased he is doing well  

Well af is due any time now for me so I am off to cuddle my kitties on the sofa.

Hope the rest of you are doing ok.....    

Speak soon
love Nikki xxxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Girlie's  I feel so crap at the moment  Mainly coz wicked  arrived bang on time and I always feel so tearful .  Well yesterday I upset DH as we were having a few glasses of wine and I think I had too much as I put on a CD which made me think about my first DH . The tears started to flow and when DH asked me what was wrong ,instead of saying "oh nothing" I told him I missed my first DH. Well he was obviously either annoyed or upset and just got up and went to bed. I feel so bad now. but  I do miss him and sometimes I can't keep it all in. Well I went up to bed and this morning he went off to work without saying goodbye. What do i do ? I just want to be happy and to make him happy too but I have obviously hurt him and I don't know how to make it right again.


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies...how is everyone today ?

Oh cesca, I am so sorry to hear what has happened between you and your DH.  I dont know what advice to give except that you really need to sit down and talk.  It's only natural that you miss your first DH and when something reminds you of him and you are already feeling low it is bound to upset you...I'm sure your DH will understand when you explain how you feel and more importantly....that you love HIM.  I hope everything gets smoothed over very soon...   

Well, my scan went ok in the end...once the dr found the right spot to put the vaginal scanner in...she tried to put it up my bum first !!!!?  Thank goodness she is not my regular dr !!!  Anyway, I have 5 follies on the right side but none on the left as yet ?  They didn't seem overly concerned and were quite happy with the response so far.  I go back on Friday for my second scan so hopefully I will have more follies then...just so long as they can retrieve some eggs from them...

I hope everyone is doing ok ?  Take care xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Holly , thanks for the kind support, I don't know how to deal with it as I still love my first DH and don't want to be disloyal. Sounds silly but if I miss him and want to cry then I think new Dh should understand. Am I being too hard? I do love new Dh and we have been through so much in such a short time. I don't want to hurt him but he isn't really good at talking. Perhaps I should just leave it ,as he is talking to me now, even though we haven't had a good hug, but I know it will come, he loves me too much to leave me out in the cold for long!  Bl...y men!!
Well your scan seemed like good fun. What was she thinking off, stupid woman!!!  5 follies seems great , Keep on and I'm sure a few more will pop up!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

Glad to see things are a little better with you and DH.  I sent you an IM.  I'm sure he will (and probably does understand) when you find the right time to chat about it even if that is a little way into the future.  Men aren't like us girls.... they have to have time to mull stuff over. The middle of a working week is never a very good time for important chats anyway.  Best when you are both a bit more relaxed.    You will know when the time is right. I'm sure your hug is not far away....  

love nikki xx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Nikki thanks for the IM ,you are  so sweet.  I am looking forward to him coming home now as before i just felt cross. Time is a good healer no matter what needs to be healed!!!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - Poor you   . Men just don't have a clue at times. You probably should to tell him that you will always love your first dh, and that sometimes it makes you sad when you think about him as all you have is memories, BUT it doesn't lessen your love for him. You can't help the way you feel, its what makes you "you".  Just go and give him a big hug and tell him you love him  , its amazing how that can melt away the bad feelings. 

Hollysox - 5 follies is great !! I hope you get a different dr next time  

Nikki - Hope you are feeling OK. I am having a   cuddle at the moment. Oscar has the habit of squeezing onto my lap infront of my laptop. Makes typing very difficult


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Ah Lorri.... lovely Oscar.... 

Mine likes to try and type some messages.... LOL     I am doing a little better thanks.  Af arrived today and I will be starting my IUI drugs on Thurs.  A bit sooner than I thought so I think it has bucked me up a little.  

How are you doing??
Nikki xxxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi girlie's.. well i had an interesting conversation this afternoon. I had contacted the BBC a while ago about their programme about infertility and the researcher rang me today and we chatted about " my story". I told him that we were now going for our first consult at ceram in Spain and he said why didn't we look at Moscow as i had said we both had blue and green eyes. He said the clinic there was 2nd to none and very professional. It has made us think as there would be no waiting list there . We have been told we may have to wait up to 6mths at ceram, maybe even longer as i am B negative blood group. My only worry would be the visas ,i wouldn't know how to go about getting them but it has made us think have we done the right thing. I realistically can't hang around too long as i am 45 in February!. Any way I have emailed moscow and we will go to Spain and see what is what and then make our decision after that. moscow seems a bit cheaper but i think it works out equal as the flights out to moscow are not cheap!  
Indecision is one of my failings!!! New years resolution was ......be more decisive!!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Wow cesca what a position to be in !!! I think you were VERY brave to ring the BBC in the first place too.  So, possibly Moscow instead of Spain   Once you get all the info you will be able to make the right decision....I just think it is a great thing to be given a sort of reserve choice.  How long is it until you go to Spain   At least things are moving along in a very positive way for you both.  Sending you tuns of    

Oh cesca, how did things go with DH after the other day ?  I hope things are ok between you now ?

Nikki and Lorri, how are you both today ? (and Oscar of course !)  Hope everyone's ok.  I'm off for my scan and bloods tomorrow so I hope I've got a few more follies to show for all the stab wounds and bruises in my tum.  I also hope it will be my consultant tomorrow instead of the dr that I see.  I'll let you know how I get on anyway.  If anyone's feeling energetic Please join me in my follie dance...


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

Short post from me as I have a pounder of a headache (really should wear my glasses more!  ) and I had better get off screen.....

but I wanted to join you in the follie dance and say LOTS OF LUCK FOR YOUR SCAN TOMORROW!!!!       Hope you have been talking to those ovaries!!   

         

But saddo that I am I have NO IDEA how you make them move accross the screen!!!     

Will catch up with the rest of you when I feel a bit better tomorrow.

Much love 
Nikki xxxxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hollysox. Hope scan goes well tomorrow     
Nikki good luck for your treatment cycle
Cesca hope things are better between you and DH
Lorri and oscar -hi  
I'm starting stimms tomorrow


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

HAPPY NEW YEAR GOLDIES!

I haven't posted in a while but I do check in to see how you're all doing and boy are you lot busy right now!!

After having 2nd IVF converted to IUI in Nov and a BFN it took until the other week to book our review visit and so off to see Dr. Wren at The Lister on Friday week.  As I turned 45 in Nov I'm expecting the DE chat and really do not know which way to go  A: Go all out and have one last IVF in the States or go forward with DE in Spain or Moscow (thanks Cesca, your journey is an inspiration for me) 

Have been having acupuncture and taking horrid Chinese herbs   which have made some changes already.  Was really blue last week feeling like I'm just too old and we'll never have a child of our own and started feeling old and unattractive  .  The layer of champagne and white wine induced blubber sitting around my tum post Xmas doesn't help  

To all you you, sniffing, jabbing and scanning -       and here's another follie dance for Hollysox              

Will do more personal in the next few days!

Nuala


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## dianne (Apr 5, 2005)

Hi do not post much on this thread wanted to wish 
*Hollysox*
All the best for scan tomorrow 
i have just done you a little dance in the privacy of my living room 
if that does not do the trick nothing will 
              

*Cesca* I know what you mean re indecision 
i have Plan A, B ,C on the go i think i am reviewing all my options maybe you are doing the same i believe we chose the right path when we are ready 
In reality these are b,,,,,, tough life changing decisions we are trying to make 
*Nuala* sounds like you have lots to think about as well, including your review

*Zora* Good luck for starting stimulation today

*Lorri* I think Oscar is now famous 

*Nikki* Hope you are OK

Di x


----------



## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hollysox - Think positive thoughts and talk nicely to your follies ! Here is a dance specially for them 














Nuala - Lovely to hear from you. I too have the blubber ! I am starting acupuncture next week, but have starting having whey powder smoothies, for the extra protein.

Cesca - Moscow, never heard of that one. Keep us posted on that please. I suffer from indecision too, or do I ?









Zora - Thats great, off the starters blocks again. I wish you loads and loads of luck this time. Lightening never strikes twice, so you will get loads of eggies 

Dianne - I am thinking of selling paw-autographs 

Lx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's...  Just popping in to say hi to Nuala, hope it all goes well at the Lister next week.

  Hollysox  Thinking of you today  hope you have lots more juicy fat follies.      ( I'm also a real saddo coz I can't make them run across the page either!! )

Lorri say hi to Oscar   for me, I do like to keep up with the in crowd ...he's famous isn't he?!!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca..... yes I want someone to tell me how to make the smiley move...     Not fair.

Saw your plan re Moscow.... always good to have some options I say!!      Good luck looking into it!    Remind me when your apt in Spain is....  my brain is mush    as we know   

Lorri.... I think Oscar maybe should have his own tribute website.      My two have been running around the house this morning like horses playing chase!!!  Mad cats     

Nuala    hello.... lots of     for you next week and a special dose of   

Zora....   with your stims today!     I will be starting mine on Sun with these funny pen injectors that I have never used before.... thank goodness dh is technically minded!  

Di..... don't think we have spoken before but   

Have I missed anyone.... I hope not but     to all.

And if I don't speak to anyone before.... have a great weekend  

love Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Nikki Appointment at Ceram is on Wednesday 18th ,flying out Tuesday evening. Feeling very unsure about it all as I can't see them finding us a donor soon. Hence the Moscow thing. Seems like the other side of the world and the only Russian I know is Da and I think that means yes but not sure!!!!!!!  

Ps the pen things are a doddle you just have to make sure you get the right dose ...thats the HARD part!! good luck.


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Holly  .... I'm sorry but you are going to have to tell us how you made them dance accross the screen .It's been driving me nuts trying to do it .( have I not got enough to worry about!!!!!)


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca....     Me too.... I have clicked on every button I can find!!!    

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Dont stress girls I'll try and explain how the little blighters move across the screen ! (I had to ask someone else cos I never knew either !)  Right, you select the symbols you want then highlight them as normal and press the M with the arrow pointing to the left.  It's amongst the BOLD and ITALIC symbols on the reply post when you write your messages.  Hope you can all understand what I mean ?

Thank you to everyone who joined in my follie dance cos it seems to have done the trick !  I now have 9 ranging of sizes of between 14 and 18.  Two have appeared on my left side and 7 on the right so far.  Yes, Nikki I gave them a good talking to so they must have heard !  I'll continue to give them a good talking to over the weekend too just incase any more decide to pop up !  My EC is now scheduled for Tuesday so I have been given an extra dose of menopur to take to help them hopefully grow a bit bigger.  Not long to go now   

Dianne, thanks so much for your message.  I'm going to be sending you a pm very soon !

Zora, thanks for your good luck wishes too.  I'm going to return them and wish you tun of luck for your stimms starting today...   

Lorri can I just say that I loved your dance too.  Thanks for your good wishes.

Hi nuala...hope you are doing ok and can I wish you lots of luck for next weeks review app.     

Cesca, lots of luck for your app in Spain next week....I hope you find that the waiting list isn't as long as you're expecting it to be !  Lots of     

Still doing the follie dance though if you want to join in ?  Maybe it will help us shift some of the excesses from Xmas ?  Nah, probably not...Take care everyone.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

Yippee......... how fantastic.  The extra shots should really help to spur them on!!! 

           

When is your trigger shot
love nikki xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Yay!!!!!  I did it .... dancing icons!!!!!!

         

Your gonna wish you never told me....     
nx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi  wait for these babies!!

               

WE WANT SOME OF THESE DON'T WE GIRLS!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Thats cute!!     I feel like a smarty pants now!! 

Thanks Hollysox ... you have made 2 youngsters really happy


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Thats really made my day!!  Thanks Holly and congrats for all those lovely fat follies!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca... how sad are we??


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki......VERY SAD.... personally I think I have lost the plot , you still could be saved ,just keep reciting "I am not sad"  over and over!!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

GO GIRLS !!!!  Are we going   or what ?!  Happy I could help !!!

I do my trigger shot at 10.15pm Sunday night...Dont know why but I always dread those ones more than any others ? 

I'm gonna have to log out for a bit but will catch up with you all later.

TTFN


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## dianne (Apr 5, 2005)

Can i join in 

                         

I think the concerning ones at the end represents me during a cycle  

Di x


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Right that's it..... we've all gone stark raving mad!!!

       

There is no hope!!!! Hope you all have a great week end and that we recover our senses.... somewhere 

love and     to you all.
nikki xx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

I'm not sad.... I'm not sad.... I'm not sad.... I'm not sad......


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca... It didn't work  

speak soon
nx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello !

Well what a lot of moving activity ! You all made me laugh.









Cesca - Thats come around quick, a great time of year for a bit of sunshine too. I hope they manage to find a match for you very soon. If you do end up going to Russian, then Da is probably all you will need 

Hollysox - Thats a great number of follies. Make sure you say lots of nice things to them this weekend. I'm all for shifting the excess Christmas pounds. 
       

Zora - What stim drugs/dosage are you on ?


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

HOllysox can I join in always wondered how to do that.Well done on so may follies. Good luck for EC
 [move] [move][/move][/move]
Lorri -on 200 puregon then orgalutron from Tues. Fingers-crossed.
Hi to everyone else


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

everyone sing in Russian with me ...... Der doo doo doo der  DA DA DA
                  Oh Perhaps I ought to go to bed!!!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

My only Russian is Vodka


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Lorri -quick question. When you take the whey powder is that instead of a meal or as well as. SOrry dumb question I know but that stuff really seems to fill ne up


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Zora,

I have been taking it as well as meals (when i remember). I am not sure if i should use it as a meal replacement. I am seeing how it goes really. It is filling though.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hello 

Seems you all had a bit of a   on here after I signed out!   

I also take the protein powder for time to time and I always understood it to be aswell as normal meals!  

Catch you all after the weekend.... have a good 'un.

love Nikki xxx


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## dianne (Apr 5, 2005)

Morning

*Nikki* where are you having IUI have you a plan re DE in spain re clinic ?

*Hollysox * keep that tummy warm   for tuesday i will wave to you from the plane that is of course when i have booked the flight 

*Lorri and Zora* i have the protein tabs not powder i thought would be more manageable as i do not drink milk but not so sure now as it is a *Huge* jar and i am supposed to take 14 a day !!!!
God i do not think i will feel like eating after all that 
long with the vits , wheatgrass and herbs ( growing jade) 
Do you just take the protein when stimulating ?

*Cesca* I have appointment in Spain day before you on the 17th at IM going on my own so feeling a bit lonely I need to book flights ( i know ) but then it will be real !! Spain is my plan B

*Nuala* Good luck for your review with Dr W, how is work going ?

Hi to everyone else

Dianne x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's  , Well it looks  like a pretty grey and miserable sort of day out there. hopefully Spain is warn and sunny!

Di.. Shame you are not going to Ceram we could have met up so you wouldn't have been so lonely.At what stage are you, is this your first appt?

Lorri and Zora ...what is whey powder and what does it do, am I missing out on some vital ingredient? I'm panicking here!!!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Cesca

It's a protein powder.  I take Solgar Whey to go Protein Powder. (Solgar is a good make) It's very expensive!!      It's a protein supplement and I take it whilst having my stims as it's supposed to help the eggies as they are growing!     Berry flavour is nice   and I have mine with milk... it's like a shake.

It's raining here too!  

Di.... I am having IUI at Care in Nottingham.  I plan to do 3 cycles and if not successful go to CERAM in Spain as it sound really good.  I shouldn't have to wait long there as I have olive skin and very dark brown eyes and brown hair so I should match quite well. I'm also O+ blood group... so Miss ordinary!  

Hope your appt on 17th goes welll..... sorry you have to go alone... thats no fun.  I hate flying so it would never happen if I had to go on my own.  

Lets hope for some   tomorrow girls

love Nikki xxxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Di ..just read one of your posts on another site so have caught up with what you are doing!! Good luck with the pgd screening .for us that was the point when we decided enough heartache and move on.  You are very organised having plan B& C up your sleeve ,we should have done that .So much time wasted and we don't really have that luxury!  May see you in midair on the plane!!!


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki  Oh to have brown eyes and Ordinary blood!!!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Sorry......    Richard is blonde and blue.  Hope you find Russia has a quicker match for you!     Or they find you a quicker match at CERAM 

             

just for you..... some moving   


       

love nx


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## dianne (Apr 5, 2005)

*Cesca * 
The only problem with Plan a,b, is that i am confusing myself  with my options i did try Ceram but they do not TX singles recent change in their policy  as i have post from May saying they do take singles 
Tried hard not to see it as a personal rejection 

*Nikki* Thank you re info re protein So glad only when stimulating all those tabs  
Nothing wrong with being Miss Ordinary easier to match the process will be quicker ( you may not need it )

I am at Lister and due to cycle with own eggs with PGD at next AF in 2/52 but not expecting it to work so do wonder why i am not stopping now, perhaps i will be so impressed with IM on Tuesday they it will help me !!!! with this decision.

(should have mentioned will also see IVI B waiting for appointment cancellation before next cycle) need to look at another clinic as when i chose my Uk clinic just went to the first that would TX me but not the right clinic for me re oldie and after wasting a year and 3 cycles changed to Lister
Hi to everyone else 
Dianne x


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Nikki  I think I have accepted that everything I do in my life is fraught with difficulty. Has it made me a better person?  NO!!!!!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hollysox good luck with EC today. thinking of you


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Di

Good luck with your appointment in Spain tomorrow!!!   

Let us know how it all goes.    

love Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Di  .good luck in spain. Hope to hear all about it on your return. We can swap notes!!  love cesca  xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hollysox .. Good luck with EC today  Hopefully you will have lots of big fat juicy ones!!. Thinking of you  Cesca xxxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi ya Goldies....Just popped on to wish cesca and Di lots of luck for their trips to Spain tomorrow.  I hope everything goes well and you come back with positive feelings.

Thanks for the good wishes for my EC.  I didn't have it today though...tomorrow is THE day...EEEK !!  Beginning to stress big time now though.  Over the usuals, will there be any eggs in the follies ? Will they fertilise  etc etc....I'm trying really hard to stay calm but it's not easy as you know.  I'll be better once I get my sedative taken tonight and then another in the morning.  By the time I gt up there tomorrow morning I will be so laid back it will be untrue !!!

Anyway, I'll let you know how I get on once I feel up to it ?!?

Take care everyone x


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

                                      

All will be well..... I have everything crossed for you!

love Nikki xx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Oh sorry hollysox got the day wrong  .wishing you all the best and will speak to you on my return from Spain. Hope to hear good news as I'm sure it will be.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

        in Spain.   

I expect the low down on your return!!    

Hope its warmer there than here...... gosh its pants!!!    

love Nikki xxxxx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Trust me to get the wrong day 
Good luck for tomorrow Holysox
^      
Cesca -bon voyage
^


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

to Everyone

It's been an absolute age since I posted but I have been keeping an eye on you all now and again! 

I've forced myself to keep away from FF because it was making me a bit obsessed with everything.    Having a break from talking about it all and reading everyone's stories several times a day has done me good. Despite receiving the most tremendous support and, hopefully doing the same for others  , it was just keeping me in a bit of a dark place I think.  

Anyway, I'm back now but I'll try and keep my FF obsession at bay   

Good luck to you all at all the different stages you're at. I hope 2006 is kind to us all. 

I'm going to have a FET next so will start DR from my next cycle. Can't say I'm looking forward to it   If I was younger, I'd give myself 6 months off and have a blimmin good holiday quite honestly!  

Had a meeting with a guy from the BBC last week to discuss taking part in a new documentary about infertility and fertility treatment. Don't know yet whether they want us but should hear in the next few days.

Well, must go to update the other boards and say hello to all my other lovely FF buddies.

Love and luck
Suzie xxxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hollysox - Good luck for EC tomorrow, I hope you get lovely mature quality eggs

Cesca and Di - Did you see http://observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,16929,1684149,00.html. Good luck in Spain

Zora - How is tx going ?

Hello to everyone else


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Suzie,  Will the BBC fund your treatment ?  I darn well hope so ! I know what you mean about FF obsession. I try to stay away, but the most I manage is 2 days (and that is a lot for me), though I don't always post.


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Hi Lorri

No! I didn't even think about that to be honest. However, the producer brought the subject up himself. They never pay out for treatments because it would be unethical and would put the participants under some sort of obligation to continue with filming even if they change their minds half way through. They will pay out of pocket expenses and pay for any expenses incurred because of requests they make like filming us out for a meal with friends etc.

I'm a bit reticent about it all as it will be quite intrusive at times. They may not want us anyway because the "interesting" part of our treatment is over (My sister donating eggies) I'll let you all know.

Love Suzie xx


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## yonny (Mar 5, 2005)

Hi there!!
I posted on here ages ago but as nothing much was happening with me regarding treatment I tended just to read and keep up with all your stories! 

Well,a bit of an update on me,!  today hubby goes in for his op on his variocele (six months after having found it!!)
Our GP has said to give it a month or so after the op of trying 'au naturel' to conceive and then to go ahead with ICSI at Lister!
So, finally somethings happening!!
Poor DH is being very brave, he's been told they have to go in through his neck!! for the embolization and he's a bit nervous bless him!

I have dreams of this being the answer to our prayers, that Ill immediately fall pregnant although in reality i do know that it takes anything from 3 to 9 months for sperm to sort itself out and that it may make no difference atall,  but I still dream!

Anyhow, Ill let you know how it goes!!

Sorry for the me post, guess Im a bit nervous as well!

Hello to everyone and I look forward to getting to know you all again over the next few months!

yonny x


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Yonny

Welcome back!!     Just wanted to wish you both (especially your DH) lots of luck with the op today!     

Hope it all goes well and that it is the answer to your dreams!   

Let us know how you both get on.

love Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

well we are all packed and ready to go . DH can't believe I'm on the computer AGAIN!!!! Couldn't go with out saying goodbye to you guys could I !!!!  
Hi yonny welcome back.
Susie ..I spoke to josh Good they all sound a nice bunch and full of very useful information.Speak to you more on my return  
Hollysox    GOOD LUCK
Everyone else ....BYE!!!!!!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Bon Voyage  Cesca


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca.... you will miss your flight!!!     Get going and good luck    

nikki xx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Just a very quick one from me to let you know how I got on today.  They collected 4 eggs so I hope they are good uns and fertilise nicely overnight.  I have the phone call tomorrow at approx 10am so fingers and toes and anything else crossed they will be ok.  Right, I'm back to bed now....Take care everyone x


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Glad all went well Hollysox. Rest up and good luck for tomorrow.


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## suziegirl64 (Oct 31, 2005)

Good Luck Hollysox

I have everything crossed for you!

Love Suzie x


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hollysox - Good luck for your call tomorrow, I hope you get 4 perfect embies     

Yonny - Poor DH   . I hope it is the answer to your prayers and that he is feeling comfortable. Give him a rest though, before you  start on him 

Cesca - Missing you already !!! Come back and tell us all about it soon.

Suzie - I am shocked, I thought there would have been something in it for you. I understand the ethics bit, but an incentive to be filmed would be v  v v v helpful. I dunno, £500 per day should do it  

I am going to have a rant, if thats OK   . I ordered some renal food (which is d*mn hard to get hold of), Monday last week and it still hasn't arrived ! Its loSt somewhere at parcelforce. What the hell is my Oscar supposed to eat now   ? Bl**dy parcel force ! Why me ? This kind of stuff keeps happening to me. Last October I was sent as a birthday surprise, via 'special delivery', a photo + frame etc. It arrived next am (my birthday), hand delivered and I  had to sign for it, but it was all smashed up. Of course, as it was a surprise i had no clue what it was, so signed anyway  . I have had recorded delivery items i have sent "lost". What is the world coming to !  Rant over ! 

Hope everyone else doing OK 

Lx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Oh Lorri

Blo*dy parcel force.  Will Oscar be ok?     My kitties are sending him some purrs as we speak.  Hope he get's some replacment food soon!

How are you doing - can't remember where you are at the moment.

Yes I have just looked out of the window and    Bet it isn't like that in Spain..... Hurry home Cesca and you can enjoy the rain   

I have my scan tomorrow and am a bit   Didn't get to sleep till 3pm last night  

Must go and have some breakfast.
speak soon.
love Nikki xxxx  
Speak soon


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Suzie

Think you are very brave going for the TV doc thing!  

Hope you are ok at the moment.
love Nikki xxxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nikki - I am an inbetweenie right now. Had acupuncture today, for the first time, and was advised to wait another 3 months. Oscar is on "senior" food which is the next best thing, but it makes me soooo mad, cost cost me £5 in P&P too and still no sign ! Next day delivery my foot, its been a week now. Good luck for your scan tomorrow  and a better night's sleep tonight 

Hollysox - How are your embies ?


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

HI Goldie's.. well isn't the weather here cr.p!!!! Sunny Spain was as said sunny!!  17 degrees !!We strolled along the sea front sat outside in a lovely tapas bar and supped w... water!!!   DH had wine but I thought I had better be good. )
Any way down to the nitty gritty....... The lovely Ruth at Ceram was indeed lovely .So helpful and concerned and kind. Completely different service much more personell. And we even met up with a gal I have been talking to on FF in the waiting room !!!

  My Rhesus factor is a major problem along with the fact we are both blue eyed...  absolutely NO donors in this category!! I had blood tests done to see wether I have made millions of antibodies after the birth of my daughter(being rhesus negative is no joke!)  If She is the same blood group as me (as my son is then there is no problem coz I would not  have made antibodies) I can have a rhesus positive donor .If not then I can go and sing coz they haven't got a blue eyed B- , A-, AB- or  O- donor !!!   
  DH had his blood group tested and thank the heavens he is A+!  So I now have to wait up to a week for this Combs test result to come back.  All this is connected with implantation problems so it is important .  
Have I confused you all !!!!!  
So all this took about an hour and ahalf so after that we had the day to ourselves. It was a real tonic strolling in the sunshine and I have come back feeling good.
How is everyone back here..  Hollysox  well done  keeping fingers crossed for you    .
Lorri .. Poor old Oscar  Doesn't parcel force know how important and well known this cat is!!! write to the papers. 
  Nikki good luck for your scan   
Yonny  be gentle with DH and good luck    
Speak to you soon girls    ADEIOS!!!!!  (is that how it's spelt!!)


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls, sorry not to have been on site yesterday but I was feeling a bit c**p after ec on Tues.  I found it to be a lot more painful than the first one due to the fact my ovary had moved which made it difficult to get to...hence the pain during the ec and the feeling of being sat on by an elephant yesterday !  I'm fine now though.  My clinic rang to tell me that 3 of the 4 eggs had fertilised but one however was abnormal so had to be discounted.  Leaving me with 2 very precious embies which I had transfered this morning.  I am now taking things very easy and hope and pray that my little uns settle in safely for 9 months....(PLEASE GOD?!)
I test on Feb 2nd so everythings crossed !!!
Lorri, poor Oscar !  Has the parcel turned up yet ?  I think parcel force should be renamed parcel FARCE !!!
Cesca, fingers crossed for the results of your tests hun.  Couldn't you have brought a bit of that sunshine back with you from Spain   It is a horrible day here today too....
Zora, and Suzie hope you are doing ok ?
Well, I'm on holiday from work so intend on doing nothing during my 2ww.  I am just going to chill out and hope for the best !
Catch up with you all later.  Take care and love to all x


----------



## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hollysox well done on EC. 
Got my first scan tomorrow


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

hollysox.. well you are officially on the 2ww  Lucky you! Those little embeis I hope are now snuggling down and making themselves comfortable!! All the luck in the world hun xxxx  Don't forget your brazil nuts and fresh pineapple juice and lots of rest!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hello Girls

Just a quickie from me!!  

Zora....   for your first scan tomorrow.

Lorri .... Tilly and Jenny (my little ginger kitties) are petitioning Parcelforce in search of Oscars food!!    They would gladly donate some of theirs but I have explained that it is the wrong sort of food! Bless them...... am I losing it....     It is a good idea to get your body ready for IVF... takes a lot out of the system.    

Cesca.... Glad to have you back.  

Hollysox... Have IM'd you.  

Quick update... scan went well.. Womb coming on great.... one follie already 15mm     the other 9mm so probably just the one to go with this IUI.  Have another scan tomorrow (early again) and more blood tests as they will monitor me now as the one follie is large already.  May do treatment next Tues/Wed.

Must go.... early mornings do not agree with me.... cant say it is my age as they never did agree with me    

love to anyone I have missed and I promise to be more attentive to everyone elses posts tomorrow.

Oh yes..... I got a part time job today (had interview this afternoon) so good day all round!!   

love to all you wonderful goldies....
Nikki xxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hollysox - You're not wrong about Parcel Farce - still waiting ! Apparently its officially lost   . Congratulations on getting to ET and lots of fairydust for you 2ww           

Cesca - Spain sounds like a good experience,what a shame about all your issues - I had no idea about that stuff. Have you considered Russia yet ? 

Zora - Best of luck tomorrow 

Nikki - Send my thanks to Tilly and Jenny. My other cat (should be called fatty) said send it on over   . Ginger kittens are gorgeous, I had 2 from 8 weeks old, many years ago (toms). 

Yonny - how is dh recovering ?  

Love and luck to everyone else

Lx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Thanks Nikki and good luck fro your csan too.I'm not a morningr person either 
Thanks Lorri for your wishes will check in later
Cesca- don't now if it's an option but there are a high proportion of 'blue eyes' in Russis/Ukraine. Is that an option for you or is the issue blood group ? Good luck


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's.... Well weather is miserable down here in Kent don't want to go out and sort my horses out as it is peeing with rain!!    Wishing the phone would ring with my results a bit early I know but I am very impatient!!!

Lorri  how's Oscar ,has he got over the dissapointment of his parcel not arriving? 

Hollysox how are you hun, ooh its so exciting but so scary for you. Sending you loads of hugs.      
were your precious embies going well before Et?


Zora  good luck for your scan today .  We have thought of a Russian clinic and have been in touch via email. DH was so impressed with Ceram that he wants to go with them if at all possible,so really we are waiting on the result of the coombs test I had done before we decide which clinic to go to.  Russia also seems so far away and a quick trip to Spain is easier to explain away also!!  I hate all this uncertainty.

Nikki how are you hun?  More scans today?  are they waiting to see if the follie at 9mm will get any bigger so you have 2 or is there any other reason you are waiting till next week. I don't really know about IUI, so sorry if I sound a bit thick!!!

Yonny   good luck with DH's   and have a good time practicing in 
love to you all   speak soon Cesca xxx


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

hi girls, this is just to wish a good luck to you all with the scans today, i'm going to be off internet till late sunday so i shall be dying to catch up and read all about it then.

love from Joan


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Sorry girls bad news. Only 4 follicles.Lining is good thickness Got a feeling of deja vu as this happpened last time on a completely different protocol. Feel like IVF is not for me and I'm a bit of a failure. DH says don't give up yet. Waiting for  call this afternoon to see if they will still go ahead. In two minds about it still feeling in a bit of a state of shock.


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Zora - Try not to be too despondent, no 2 cycles are alike. 4 is not a bad number, and I am sure you have heard it time and again QUALITY QUALITY QUALITY QUALITY not quantity. I can't see why your clinic wouldn't go ahead, don't forget I only got 2 harvested last time and they both fertilised etc. Do you have IUI or GIFT as an alternative option ?  Keep your chin up  

Lx


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Thanks for your support Lorri. It means  a lot to me that you are still out there supporting me. Thanks. At my review I was told  that should I get a bad response this time  we probably would convert to iui . Got mixed feelings now but just waiting for the call. So upset as thought changing to the short protocol; would improve things. I was warned it may or may not. I think the age factor is really kicking in now.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

Just seen your post    I know it is hard but try not to be down hearted.  You have 4 and they could have some good eggies there! 

Like Lorri I only had the 2.  In fact I had just 2 follies on both my short protocol's but both had eggs and both fertilised both times.      I can't see why your clinic wouldn't go ahead with the 4.  Seems daft to me not to.   The only time I converted to IUI was when I just had the 1 follicle on my first long protocol cycle.  It is quality not quantity (sorry Lorri.... nicking all your advice!!  )

The ovaries do get a little sluggish as they get older but that doesn't mean there aren't some great eggs in there!! Ok   

Lots of love you you and let us know how you get on.  I would push them to let you go ahead if I were you and you felt you wanted to !!! 

speak later
love Nikki xxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Now for the rest of you lovely Ladies.....  

Another update...... come on wake up..... I know I am going on about this follie of mine but it has grown 6mm over night and is now 21mm     I have to take less stims tonight and go for an early scan tomorrow morning.....  (hmm that'll please dh... bang goes his weekend lie in!!    )  I will know more tomorrow anyway!    They are taking my blood at each scan so I assume my hormones aren't telling it to burst quite yet!  

Lorri.  Both my Kitties (actually Tilly is frowning at me now as they are 3 years old and I keep on referring to them as babies  .... sorry Till  ) are ginger ladies which I understand is quite rare. They are so beautiful!!     One bag of Fishy IAMs coming over then.... 

Yonny.  Hope all is ok after dh's op..  

Cesca.... Watch pot never boils..... isn't that an irritating saying... I guess it is the same with telephones!!     I have no patience either!  The other follie hasn't grown... so I guess they are going with the biggie    Which is big enough now.  However they are monitoring my hormones and if it doesn't look like my LH is going to surge of it's own accord they will arrange a time for the trigger jab I expect on Sat so ov can take place.  I am rather early on day 10 and usually ov on day 13 on my own so my guess is they may have to use the trigger if the follie is too much bigger tomorrow morning!  

Getting a little cold here now and need a warm drink to thaw my fingers out.... bad circulation.  

Catch up with you all later and hope the rest of you are going on ok!
love Nikki xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's....    
Nikki  ... Wow that follie grew a heck of alot over night ...what did you feed it on!!!!!!  Another early morning for you, oh well if this all works you'll be getting up early for alot longer!! Good luck hun  xxx

Zora  I do feel for you . things can be so hard sometimes . Try and be brave  I will be thinking of you and don't ever think you are on your own .We are all in this together.  All for one and one for all!!! THINK POSITIVE


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Well I have my trigger jab tonight and go in for the IUI on Monday.  The follie has grown a little and is looking a nice round specimen!   ... the rest as we know will be in the lap of the Gods!! (Who are they and how do I get on their good side...      )

Cesca.... thank goodness we get a lie in tomorrow....    Richard is planning a bacon and eggs brekky (for himself) and then we are going to my mum and dads for Sunday lunch!    Thanks for the good luck. Just trying to choose which Musketeer I would like to be...  

I will chat to you all more next week.. off for a sit down...    Hope you are all having the lovely sunshine we have had here.     and having a good weekend!  

lots of love Nikki xxx
Lorri... Does Oscar have a girlfriend.... it's just Tilly was asking!!     
Take care all....


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls, just a quickie today and an apology for not being around for a couple of days...I'm still aching from the side effects of ec I think !  Feels like the flu but hopefully not if you know what I mean ?!

Zora, how are things with you hun ?  I hope that you are still able to go ahead as planned.  Sending you tuns of    and lots of good luck wishes too.

Cesca, hope you are doing ok too ?

Nikki, hi ya !!!  Fantastic news about your iui on Monday.  Lots of luck for for your trigger jab tonight... and tuns of    for Monday...

Lorri, hope you are ok too ?  And Oscar too !

Hi to anyone else I've missed...I'm off back to the sofa now to put my feet up...

Love to all xxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nikki  - Good luck for your triggering and iui     . Oscar does not have a girlfriend, he has been saving himself for Tilly   

Hollysox - I hope you are not coming down with flu, stay on that sofa and get plenty of rest.

Zora - any news yet ?  Hopefully EC is going ahead soon. Thinking of you 

Lx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Girls,

Well I am happy to say I feel a lot better today.  All my aches and pains have gone now thank goodness.

Hope everyone is doing ok ?

Nikki, good luck for tomorrow and also for your impending   Will be thinking of you hun...

Lorri, hi ya hun...!  Ah, Oscar has a girlfriend ?  Hope his food eventually turns up cos he'll need to build himself up for the budding romance (!)

Zora, thinking of you and praying that everything is fine to go ahead with ec.  EVERYTHING is crossed !!!

Hi to all you other Goldies out there... Lots of love and    to all. x


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## yonny (Mar 5, 2005)

Hi girls,

sorry this is going to be a quickie, Im in Japan at the moment in an internet cafe...........and I cant work out the keyboard so bear with meベアｒウィｔｈめ！ see what I mean??
Anyhow, DH op not a success as they couldnt find the vein that was twisted.
They went in through his neck and all the way down but no joy so he has got to　葉ヴぇあのてぇｒ尾ｐｓちぇづぇｄhave another op scheduled,he,s a bit depressed about that!

Im being seen at the Lister on Feb7th to start things straight away,any of you there??
they seem lovely even thouhg Ive only spoken over the phone.
Was originally at another hospital but due to them having a refurb they couldnt fit me in immediately and of course now Im feeling ｔｈた that time is of the essence!

So, thats my update, sorry I cant do any personals but the computer keeps going off at a tangent in Japanese so I havent a clue what Im typing!!

Love to you all anyway,
will catch up when I get back
hope you,re all ok!

yonny xx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's.... We have just heard from the nurse in Spain.... no antibodies      Which means we don't have to wait forever for the non existant rhesus negative blue eyed donor!!!  We can now use a rhesus positive donor which means only a month or two wait. Yippee. 

Hollysox ...how's it going girl?

Nikki. thinking of you today  best of luck. 

Zora.. how are you doing?

Yonny  oh sorry about Dh's op thought everything had gone OK.Poor love.   

I'm excited now!!!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

cesca that is FANTASTIC news hun, I am so pleased for you....... 
      

yonny, that is so horrible for your dh's op not being successful.  I wish him more luck with the next op...sending you both a cyber hug  and wishing you lots of luck too for your app on the 7th Feb...

Nikki, hope that things went smoothly today and that you are now officially on your 2ww like me...eeek  

Lorri, how's it going today ?  Ok I hope  

Zora, thinking of you hun...hope to see you on the board soon ?      

I'm doing ok up to now.  I've had a few twinges today and have felt light headed but it's probably nothing to worry about.  Too soon for any symtoms either way...

Take care everyone.....


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Don't know where to start. Thanks for all your wishes. Went for day 11 scan today - still got 4 follies only 2 over 16 the others at 12 and  13. Another scan tomorrow then the decision is whether to abandon and re-start or go for ec.Depending on the size of the smaller 2 follies. If I abandon will then have to wait 3 months again which will take me past my 42nd bday. What do I do ?


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Oh Zora, what a complete nightmare for you !  Why do our bodies never do what we want them to do ?!

Are the clinic leaving the decision up to you whether to abandon or not ?  It's not an easy choice to make either way !  
Does it make any difference you being 42 if you do decide to abandon tx ? 
I wish I could say or do something to make things better for you hun...all I can do is send you tuns of positive thought and pray that things look better at tomorrows scan.  Take care love....Thinking of you...


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girls

Just a quick one from me today to say the treatment went really well and Dh's   were tip top     We were up really early this morning so I am going to crash out now!  Speak more tomorrow!!   

Before I go.... Cesca.... I am SO pleased for you .... that is great news    

Zora.... Sorry two of the follies aren't quite so big.    Although it is your decision I think that if you get two decent sized follies to go forward to EC with then it is worth a go.  I only ever had the two follies.... both had eggs and both fertilised.  See how big they are tomorrow.  If they are good sizes I think it seems a shame to waste them!  See how you feel in the morning.  I will be using all my powers of thought    that they have grown.  

Lots of love to the rest of you and catch you tomorrow.
love Nikki xxx
Oh how I love the 2ww    not......


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Zora - I have beenthinking of you and am glad you have posted. Please don't despair, it ain't over till the fat lady sings !  Things could still turn around. I remember every disappointment when things "could" go wrong only to find out it was OK after all, so they just worry and stress you for no reason. Give your follies a good talking to, a bit of positive attitude makes a huge difference. 

Yonny - poor DH having to go for another op, good job he is willing.

Hollysox - I am doing OK thanks, suffering with AF last couple of days   . I hope you are too are doing plenty of positive thinking and talking to your embies. I know it sounds weird   , but who cares, if it could help.  

Nikki - Fab news on your iui, rest up  

Cesca - That's a great result, sounds like you could soon be on the rollercoaster again. Maybe we will be cycle buddies as I am thinking of waiting a couple of months.

Joan - Are you back with us ?

Lx


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

Yeaaaaaaah! Hi Lorri, hi eVERYbody!!

Joan got THREee follies in the scan today so very happy. was busy posting on the buddy thread. keep forgetting about this Big thread. I only had One follie last time so that is why we are happy today. They are only teeny tiny and so thursday will make things clearer (when they are going to be Heeeeeuuuuge, I hope)

Everyone talking about Zita West's book! can you believe it, i woke up this morning and focussed ahead of me (not terribly well because i'm short sighted) and i saw in the pile of 'stuff' on my lower shelf of the bedside table ... Zita West's book!!!! I remember now! i ordered it YONks ago from amazon. ridiculous me. well i am starting to read up now. got a lot to do...

Zora, thinking of you. keeping fingers crossed.(you got one more than me!)
and hi to Cesca, Nikki, Hollysox and Yonny
love and hopefullness from Joan x


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hello Joan ! Lovely to have you back. Wow 3 follies, thats a 300% improvement. Well done   .  I am sure with your enthusiasm and postivie attitude how can they fail to be heeeuuuuge by Thursday. Really pleased for you. Saw your other post on buddies, and damn near laughed my socks off. Interested to hear the finger story (I may regret that).


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi just popping by to plug the ff meet in march in nottingham 

would be lovely to see some of you there 

check out the link below

love
suzie xx

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,30923.0.html


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts and positive vibes. It worked . Went in for scan today and now have 4 good size follies. EC on Thursday. So relieved can smile again now much to DH's relief !!  
Joan you're not far behind me


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora       that is great news!  Lots and lots of     for EC on Thursday.   for that trigger jab tonight! 

I am so pleased hon. 

love Nikki xxxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Zora,
That is fab news ! I am so very pleased for you !!       

I will be thinking of you on Thursday and will be waiting for your news. I am sure all will go swimmingly this time. 

Enjoy your day of rest tomorrow.


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Zora

Great news re the follies.  Good luck for Thursday.

Ellie


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's....Feeling a bit deflated today. Wondering wether we are doing the right thing. Is this what I really want, someone else's child?    can't budge the thought I have failed somehow. I seem to have put all my last hopes into this egg donation and have just started crashing down realising I will never have my own child with DH. I know I sound so stupid after all the work that has gone into this and I really should be happy but little doubts have started to creep in. Maybe it is just a bad day.DH has just come downstairs i had better go!


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Cesca - i have no idea how you are feeling, but I have to admit when I consider DE those kinds of thoughts go through my head, but when I see a baby in a pram I know that if it was given to me I would take it and love it as my own and so would think a DE baby would be the same - but I really don't know either. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor ? They might help you understand your feelings. 

Lx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

Probably best to have a chat with the counsellor like Lorri says.  As you know I am thinking of DE but have no problems with the issues as the baby would be mine and Dh's.  I would have carried it in my womb, it would have my blood running through it, would give birth to it and love it.  It just wouldn't have my genes and to be honest that actually doesn't bother me at all.  Sorry you have hit a bit of a downer on this subject..... how does your Dh feel?

Hope you find a resolution soon.  Don't try and force the issue.... have another chat with the counsellor and see how you feel. Just don't rush into anything till you are sure.

lots of love and hugs  
Nikki xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldie's... Thanks for your kind words girls.. I think the best thing is to go for another counselling session. This morning I am feeling more positive but yesterdays worries are obviously there . It's such a big step to go down the DE route and I do want to make sure that the resulting child will be with responsible parents who thought long and hard about the issues ahead.As we are going to tell the child about his or her conception I need to be prepared for all the questions he or she may have in the future regarding his/ her genetic mother. Will I be strong enough for the pain of knowing that child will never Know any more than just eye colour and blood group.My daughter who is now ten knows that she is an ivf child and she already has said " I'm not a real child" ..I haven't even gone down the route of telling her she was frozen!  So many thoughts... perhaps I worry too much.
  
Zora ...  great news for you girl , hope all goes well tomorrow.   

Nikki  and hollysox..  hope you are  both relaxing and taking things easy.


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Cesca

It's tricky one I know.... but try not to stress yourself out about it too much sweetheart    See what the counsellor says.  It isn't something you have to rush to do as age doesnt affect DE so whether you delay a little until you decide what to do it doesn't affect your chances of success   

I start my new job today and I am a bit apprehensive     Don't know why... it's only 4 hours this afternoon but I haven't worked in 9 months.   

I also have a twitchy eye.... you know when it keeps pulsing and you feel you are winking all the time   .... perhaps I should go and lie down   

I'll catch you all tomorrow or later if I feel up to it.

Lots of love to you lovely ladies.    

Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Nikki.. thanks for the lovely post... you look after yourself .When I get the eye twitching it means I'm stressed. so take it easy strict instruction!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Yes it's usually a sign of stress or tiredness for me too..... so yes mum....   I will be chilling out this morning.   xxx


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nikki - Good luck for this afteroon, I am sure you will knock their socks off !  


Cesca - I am sure you will make the right decision, but you have to be happy with it and worrying now is better than worrying later.

Zora - Good luck for tomorrow     

Lx


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## ULTRA (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Goldies,

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking! 

Sorry for the long AWOL, but a few things happened that interferred with baby plans. During my stay in Germany over Christmas I suffered a gall bladder colic and had to be admitted to hospital as an emergency on Boxing Day 1/2 past midnight. I thought it was just overindulgence and heart burn but doctors said gall bladder has to come out and also discovered inflamed stomache lining. I ended up 5 days in hospital not far from where my parents live, very nice 2-bed room with TV and mod-cons but without DP (we always spend Xmas with each others families and New Year together). The gall bladder calmed down and I was dischargeg without operation on 30th Dec in time to catch flight home. Originally we wanted to start tc in Feb, but consultant at Lister advised to get gall bladder removed before as OP could cause major problems if pregnant or when new attack during tc.
So I am back in Germany at present for my Depeche Mode concert tour (I am following the band on their German leg of the European Tour), then operation at the beginning of Feb and hopefully start of last last tc in March. Although I will be 45 by then consultant was very positive.

Good luck to Hollysocks, Zora and Cesca! I've been reading your posts with interest when I can.


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Quick one . Welcome back Ultra I'd thought you'd emigrated to Germany !! SOrry to hear you were ill . My DH had his gall bladder removed back in September. It is a routine operation nowadays and if they do it laparoscopically the recovery time is minimised. 
HI to everyone else. Having a slob day in front of the TV today trying not to worry about tomorrow . Fingers-crossed !!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Goldies...  how are you doing today ?

Me, I'm feeling a bit fed up today if I'm honest...I'm day 6 post et and am begining to panic now.  This 2ww is killing me.  I could cry at the drop of a hat today too which doesn't help but there you go... 

Zora...that is FANTASTIC news I am so pleased for you !!!  Lots of luck for ec tomorrow hun...I will be thinking of you !! 

Nikki...how's the new job ?  I hope you have had a good afternoon and that you've stopped   at them ?!  Take it easy tonight and relax ok ?!

Hi cesca, I'm sorry that you are in such turmoil with regard the whole DE situation.  I cant begin to imagine how difficult the decision must be for you...as the others have said, talking to a councellor can only help the situation and hopefully guide you to the right decision for YOU.    

Oh ULTRA you poor thing...what a way to spend Xmas ?  I hope you are feeling a bit better now and that they get your op sorted out very soon.  Enjoy your Depeche Mode tour !!!  I'm sure you'll have a great time !

Hi to Lorri and Joan too and anyone else I've missed out...hope you're all ok today ?

Love to all xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hello everyone.....    

Job went really well.  Thank you for all your good wishes.  Don't have to do anything stressfull so HOORAY     They are really nice too and happy with me!  

I must go an put the tea on now but welcome back ultra... sorry to hear you were poorly over Xmas... how horrid! 

Hollysox.... Keep your chin up... . I know the 2ww is a b*tch of a time! The second week more than the first.  All those hormones raging about after all the drugs and stuff and the pessaries don't help a lot!  Try and relax.... put a funny film on or just laugh at my twitchy eye...     which actually made me feel like ...      anyway it has stopped now!    Its finding things to do to try and take your mind off it all really isn't it?  Sending you tons of     this magic stuff for you to lie about in.   

Zora... glad you are resting up for tomorrow...  lots of     heading your way!!

All you lovely ones that I have missed in this post I will catch you soon.... much switch the oven on! 

love Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Welcome back Ultra, nice to hear from you. As you can see lots going on at the moment on this thread. Speak to you soon . love cesca xxx


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi Girls, I am feeling much better today...cramp has gone thank goodness !  I'm putting it down to the wind caused by those lovely pessaries...Nikki, you are so right, they have A LOT to answer for !!!  So pleased your first day at your new job went so well !  

Zora, been thinking of you today...I hope everything went well hun. Let us know how you are doing when you can....

Take care and love to all xxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hollysox... glad you are feeling better,now just kick back and relax girl!!!!!!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hi everyone thanks for your wishes. Got 3 eggs form 4 follies feel a lot better now. Now onto the next wait  
Found this under IVF 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,46925.0.html


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Zora - I replied to your IM (at least I think I clicked send   ), in case I messed up (and I work in IT !!!) I wanted to congratulate you on your EC and 3 fabulous eggs. 3 is the magic number these days it seems. Heres hoping you get 100% fertilisation    

Ultra - Hello !  Ouch, sounds painful, I hope you get it sorted soon.

Hollysox - Glad you are feeling better, those cyclogest are evil  

Nikki - I am glad your job is going well, sounds like you have landed on your feet.  

Hi to Joan, Cesca, Ellie and anyone else peeking in 

Lx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

That is such wonderful news!!      so excited for you.  Have everything crosed for you for your ET      and hope you have some lovely eggies there!   

Much love Nikki xxxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hi Girlies.

I am going to wish you all a good week end now   in case I don't get on again later.  Have been feeling a bit odd this morning and nearly passed out when I got up which scared the life out of me as Dh had just left for work and I was on my own...    anyway... I think the best I can do is take it easy and stay of the pc a bit too.  

If I feel ok later I will log on again.  

lots of    to you all.
love Nikki xxxx


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Goldies.... It is so cold down in Kent I can't face going outside!!
Nikki  ...  that sounds a bit scary whay happened? Are you ok now? 
Zora... well done girl thinking of you.


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls, hope the day is going ok ?  I went out this morning for a bit but it is soooo cold out there !  

Zora...that is Fantastic news !!!  I hope all 3 fertilise really well !  

Nikki, hi ya...I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling so good today ?  You take it easy and rest up and I hope you're feeling MUCH better very soon  

Cesca, how are you doing ? Glad to hear you are keeping nice and warm indoors too !!!

Lorri, hope you're doing ok hun ?

Hi to Ultra, Joan and Ellie too...

I'm not too bad today and have just been chilling out doing a lot of nothing !!!  Anyone got anything special planned for the weekend ?  I think I'm just going to take it easy for a change !


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Hollysox.. glad to hear you filling your days!! I'm hoping the weather warms up so I can ride my horse. It will be the first time since the 26th of DEC when he injured his leg. I bet he is VERY frisky, so I had better be careful. Don't want any injuries !!  

                                        Oh dam its snowing!!!!!!


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

SNOWING................WHAT   IT CANT BE !!!!  It's just horrible drizzle here at the moment.  You are welcome to keep the white stuff down there !

You be VERY careful when you go out on your horse cesca !  You most definitley do not want any injuries !!!  Have fun


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Hollysox  the dam stuff is settling!!!    We seem to have our own micro climate where we live  Xmas time we had 10" of the stuff, sledging galore.
Don't want anymore !!!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Thanks for your posts girls... I think I am feeling a bit better now.  Not sure what was going on..  

Anyway.. Dh will be home very shortly and I am under orders not to be doing anything.   Bless him so I will be getting back to you all another time.  

Have a great weekend girls and thanks for your support!  
love Nikki xxx
Oh please no SNOW... it's not allowed.    Just drizzle here too.


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Nikki ...glad to hear your feeling better . take it easy over the weekend.  
  We have a blanket of snow on the ground now and it's still snowing. I have to go out and feed my horses some more hay to keep them warm. I really don't wan't to go !!!!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Where in the country are you. In London it's sonwing but not sticking


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Zora We live near the canterbury area.  Lots of snow this morning and very icy on the roads. The sun is shining now so its melting slowly.  Goody goody!!


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Back form ET with one top grade embie on board. Now on my first ever 2ww and as we all know it only takes one !!


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Zora

Thats great news..... lots of     for your 2ww and I hope that top grade embie snuggles in nicely!!!      

lots of love
Nikkixxxxx


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

Good Luck Zora, love Joan x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Zora
You're so right - it only takes one.  Glad you've got a top grade one, and keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Ellie


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## Hollysox (Nov 7, 2004)

Hi girls, this is a ME post, sorry... I am beginning to feel as though things are going wrong big time.  I woke up this morning with af type pains and have got it into my head that 'that's it'.  Although no bleeding yet I think it's not too far away.  I bought a hpt yesterday but I'm too scared to use it.  I am loosing it big time here and feel so desperate.  Any positive thinking is out the window I'm affraid.  Sorry to moan on.....


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

OH hollysox... ......Please don't be so down ,.it's so sad, just think you have got what it takes to have a baby of your own. You haveto feel positive. Be good to yourself.. you know this is what you want keep that chin up .keep positive. keep with it girl. With every fibre  of your being .....BE POSOTIVE. sending you big hugs .


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## Joan (Oct 22, 2005)

Hey Hollysocks,

Hang on in there, no bleeding everything may still be fine. keep warm and calm and like cesca says keep positive. sending vibes and thinking of you. lots of love from Joan xxx


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## nikkiank (Sep 19, 2005)

Hollysox

I have IM'd you but just sending you more     and     as the girls said.... Keep calm and positive ... don't let go!  



lots of love
Nikki xxx


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

New home this way

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,47183.new.html#new


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