# Finding out if your recipient has had a baby?



## Renee_ (Sep 24, 2006)

Hi everyone  

I haven't posted here for ages but have popped in and out all since last year. I can't believe how many couples have achieved their dream since then! Its great to see! and makes me feel more positive  

We had an eggshare cycle with LWC last year. If my recipient got a BFP then there would a little baby out there now who i helped to create. 


I wanted to ask:

* Who has found out if their recipient had a baby and how you felt?
* Do you think it's best to know or not know?



I was thinking lately that i would like to know. I think to put the fact that our cycle failed, behind us. I thought maybe if i found out my recipient had a baby that would make me feel happier about it all. But in a strange way i am frightened to know.... Does anyone understand?


Can i just phone LWC and ask or do i have to fill forms in or what ever?


 to all xxxxxxxxxxx Evette xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## mini munch (Oct 15, 2005)

hi 
i read your post and couldent just not say anything,
i understand what your saying, its the catch 22 question i dont think i would like to no but i couldent really say i havent started a cycle yet, but i think it all depends on the person if it will make you feel better then do it, but you could open a can of worms id really think about this,
sorry i havent been much help,
but you take care love mini munch


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## watn1 (Mar 14, 2008)

Hello,

  I have thought about this a LOT lately as our 1st cycle is fast approaching... I have decided that yes i will find out but my clinic have told us we cannot find out by them but by contacting **** 1 year after donation has happened. I know there are clinic's that will tell you if they ask i just guess they all have different procedures.

I have adopted the attitude that even if i do get a BFN & receiptant gets a BFP there is nothing to say that those eggs i gave to her would of worked for myself afterall its not just the egg's that produce a BFP. The only reason why i do want to find out is because i just don't think i'd like to wonder about it for years to come. I firmly think that if i could not be happy for the receiptant if she got a BFP and i didn't then i wouldn't go through with egg share at all. 

It is all down yourself personally but if you feel you will be ok with it then go ahead and ask, But also what will knowing if there was a BFP achieve for you? If its just going to open a can of worms and make you resent egg sharing in the first place then i would say to leave it alone. If its that you are going to be happy that all you went through helped someone else's dream come true even if it did not for you then what harm can it do?

Wishing you all the best for your next cycle.  

xx


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## ♥emmyloupink♥ (Mar 21, 2005)

i egg shared last year and every now and then (mainly when Maisie REALLY looks like me ) i wonder if there is a another mini me out there?  but then i try and shrug it of for another few weeks..
i guess the  knowing if the recipient had a successfull pregnancy would be a very hard thing to accept (for me anyway) 
as i would always be thinking about it..i prefer not knowing then i feel there is a chance that it didn't work ..

..but then i feel sad for the recipient for not having  a baby to love ..oh it goes round and round    

oddly enough though i dont regret it and get fiercely defencive of my decision to egg donate -when challenged by well meaning relatives and friends who love pointing out..
''oh so you effectivily sold your baby then '' and oh..so you have a baby out there then..''  

the baby was never mine i grew my Maisie for 9 months not anyone else   
i think you and only you know the answer xx


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## PiePig (May 16, 2007)

We've been talking about this too, and decided that one bonus of finding out if it did work for the recipient and discovering it did, if it didn't work for us, is that it would be reassuring to know that my eggs were fab!


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## veng (Mar 10, 2008)

i think i like not knowing i will/do hope it works for the other couple but it would not be my child if they get lucky,i know how much hurt i went through losing 2 ectopic's and my tubes and a m/c so i know how it feel to want a child so much so i hope the best for them but rather not know


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi, I did 4 egg share cycles and I found out the results of 3 of them quite by accident (well by  nosy DH actually). As it turned out they were biochem, live birth and missed miscarriage for my recipients. I haven't found out the result of my last go (the successful one for me) and don't care to to be honest.
The cycle my recipient got a live birth on was also one I got a BFP and then miscarried on so, when I first found out you can imagine I didn't really handle the news terribly well - lots of tears and whatmighthavebeens going around my head. The thought that there's a permanent reminder, about the same age as my baby would have been, out there somewhere did a bit of a number on my head to start with.  However, once I'd got over the shock (I never expected or wanted to know) I was able to reassess the situation and realised that this was always a likely possibilty and that I was happy that some good had come from a cycle that ended so miserably for me. Also it helped confirm that my eggs were capable of making a baby (already knew DH's lil swimmers could as he has 2 older boys and we have top grade embryos) so it gave me some hope that, if I could just figure out why they didn't want to stick around in me I would get lucky! Of course that's eventually what did happen but at one point it did look very much like our journey was over and I would be childless and in those times I did draw comfort from the "good deed" I had done. 
I was very lucky to be allowed one final egg share and I was even luckier to get a BFP and now a gorgeous little boy from that cycle but, yes I do still wonder from time to time about that other child - or possibly children as I don't know the outcome of the last cycle - but it's a very vague thought now and again and only when the topic comes up as it has now.
The only other thing I do have to concern myself with is that there is always a possibility that those donor created children may, as adults, come looking up their genetic tree so I might get a knock on the door one day...that's something that you have to think about regardless of how successful your own treatment is and, if in fact it is successful eventually, it does strip you of the option of not telling your child about their origins because, wouldn't you far rather they know and sort of expect to find "siblings" out there somewhere some day than it come as a shock. 
I don't think the decision to egg share is a very easy one when you look in depth but I do think the moral and emotional implications don't really hit home until after you've been through it.

C~x


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## AirmansWife (Apr 30, 2006)

For myself I really wanted to know if she got a BFP.  While I was 5 months pregnant I called the clinic and they wouldn't tell me.  They said I must wait two years.  Also, they said I was maybe the second person who had called back to learn the results.  I had done two egg shares and was working on my third when I hit the two year mark.  A chatty nurse told me my egg share from five months back turned out to be a BFN.  I was devastated for her.  Because I had gotten a BFN I figured the whole cycle would have been worth it if at least she had gotten a BFP.  I then asked about IVF #1 and learned she had a little girl.  I of course wondered how much she looks like my own daughter.  I feel no connection with the child other then she is a daughter of a long lost friend.  I know, I'm nuts  , but I have always felt a connection with my first recipient.  
I'm currently in my TWW with my third egg share.  I think I will wait at least one year before trying to learn the results so this way I will learn the child(ren)'s gender too.

I don't think learning the results is for everyone.  I have a friend who I don't believe is sold on knowing the results of her donation.  I would never push her to find out either.


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