# Just cancelled our wedding. . .



## Poppet27 (Mar 22, 2013)

Morning! 

Happy Easter weekend 

Me and my partner decided to move our wedding that was due this October until after we have a baby (if we ever have a baby) I am still waiting for the results of my HSG, but I do know that because of my history they are not 100% clear, and are highly likely to be blocked.  
After lots of reading on here and of books I realise that I need to make positive changes in my life. I need to massively de stress, stick to 37hrs a week at work and not 45, because I am trying to prove something. I need to lose weight, an eat a diet that promotes the right environment for a baby to live in my tummy for 9 months. I have a yoga mat but never started it, been to a couple of meditation classes but don't keep them up because I'm too stressed (go figure) my body is very receptive to acupuncture which I can now afford without paying for a wedding.

Is it bad though that whilst trying to be positive that I still feel its massively unfair!?! My friends all jab their weddings when they wanted them, and they also have their children with no problems. 

A quick reply to boost my confidence that moving the wedding would keep me strong 

Enjoy your weekends, I hope they are restful.

Angela 
X


----------



## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi poppet27,

it sounds like youre going through a pretty tough time  right now.  

all i can say is it you and your partner feel that cancelling the wedding is the right thing for you both, then go for it. can you get any NHS funding? or is the stress thats involved wth organising a wedding as well as the financial implications not helping with this hard journey?

what feels right for you and your fiance is very probably the right thing to do.

cant offer help with weight loss, unfortunately, as im the other end. stick thin and tried for years to get to the target weight of 8 stone. never achieved that, till 2 years ago, when middle age spread kicked in  , now 8 stone 10!!! and quite happy with that - i actually look healthy for the 1st time in 40 yrs! and have boobs   and a belly  now lol.

honestly, i truly hope everything works out for you honey 

jade xx


----------



## Ivfmamma (Jun 10, 2012)

Poppet - read your history about your lap, have you commenced a case with the hospital on the grounds of medical negligence? Xx


----------



## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

To be honest Poppet, I'd personally just carry on and get married.  Admittedly it can be a bit stressful at times, but can also be a heck of a lot of fun.  In itself it's giving you something to look forward to.

There are no guarantees in life so delaying it now may not achieve anything as such.

It's completely your choice of course, and if it's what you're comfortable with then that's great, but don't put things off all because of ttc.  My life has been on hold for well over 18 months now and there are so many things I could have done, and do you know what doing them would have made no difference to where we are now!

Just be happy hunny, whatever you do xx


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i've been 'putting off getting married til after we have a baby' for the last 5 years or so! the thing is i still think it's the right way to go because, when i get married, i would like to feel i can sling all my spare cash at it and not be thinking 'i'm spending my IVF money on this'.... plus i don't want to have to spend the day being asked if i'm pregnant (since why else would i get married after so long in this relationship?) or have people patting my belly (made of chocolate, you know) and saying how nice it would be or are we thinking of starting a family...

I want to be standing there with a clear answer - preferably my child in my arms but not to be standing there wailing at them saying i don't know why we can't or if we ever will...

i'd also like to be drinking the best champagne i can get my hands on, freely, from shoes, and fountains, and not sipping appletiser and wishing things were different. I'd like to stay up all night partying without thinking i'm trashing my eggs.. 

i can see the argument for just marrying because you never know what's around the corner but i think the argument for waiting is strong.


----------



## Ivfmamma (Jun 10, 2012)

I got married in 2008, we had been ttc for 5 years at that point, I actually got married 10 weeks after my first ectopic pregnancy. I was going to postpone but thought why? it's not achieving anything.

Don't put it off if you really don't want too.

You can always renew your vows once you've successfully had a child, that's is my plan x


----------



## Poppet27 (Mar 22, 2013)

Wow, thank you for all of the replies! 

I think the main reason for moving it is the financial stress it is putting us under, if someone now made a hefty contribution we would definitely go ahead.  I am happy for a very small wedding which we could pull off, however my man wants something bigger, and I know how much that means to him.  The very unrealistic budget we had given ourselves meant no nice things for us with all the stress of going through the infertility treatment.  It also means we can go on a cheap holiday in the sun somewhere, we were not going on honeymoon! If I was lucky enough to get pregnant in the next 8 months we would have to start putting pennies away to help when I'm on maternity, but all our money would be on the wedding. 

I am also in the process of a law suit against the hospital who have caused all of this, and I find that very upsetting! 

Haha I appear to be putting a good case forward for not getting married this year


----------



## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

This Sept will make it 10 years I've been ttc. In that time, I have put off leaving a particularly nasty job, completing my MSc, travelling and when my relationship broke down, starting a new one.
The last 4 years with DH haw given me a wake up call. I am now a firm believer in not leaving anything I want to do today till tomorrow.
I have gotten married, started a Phd, a new job, bought and moved houses and even completely relocated to another city which meant I had to start the waiting list game all over as well as became eligible for only 1 try rather than 3.  However, I am happy and glad that I have been able to do all these whilst waiting for our baby. 
I know I will be a mummy one way or the other either by ICSI or adoption and it's just a question of time but our future baby deserves a happy and content mummy too!

So, do what you think is best for both of you! We agreed on 1 funded cycle, 1 private one and then on to adoption because we feel that's the most we can take!
If it makes you happy to cancel the wedding, then by all means do!


----------



## Littlecat (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi Poppet,

We got married after our first cycle and while I love being married, I have definitely had moments where I think "would that £5,000 have been better saved for IVF". With hindsight, I would have done what friends of ours have done - they got had their civil partnership last year, with just their parents present and will have a wedding once they have finished ttc. 

And yes, I think it's quite reasonable to feel it's unfair, because it is. But you're right, finding the positives will be better for your stress levels, which is better for treatment.


----------



## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi poppet

I think I would go ahead with the wedding, alongside doing the ivf. 

We put ours off for a while, but after ivf 1 failed decided to set the date and go for it. Expensive yes, but it does give you something to focus on that's not fertility related.  It's a good outlet and something to look forward to while on this hard journey! 

I had my second ivf in November and was the happiest person on the planet to get a bfp and know I'd walk down the aisle pregnant! Felt like all my dreams had come true! 

Our wedding was set for dec 29th and on dec 21st found out the baby had died.  Felt like my world had ended, went in for an Erpc Xmas eve, 5 days before the wedding.  We talked about postponing but decided to go ahead and I have never regretted that decision. Despite my heartache our wedding ws perfect and I am so glad we are married and didn't put it off for the ivf.  You still have to live. !  

I can totally understand why people do, the cost of course being a factor. But you have to do what you feel is best for you two.  Good luck with your cycle and hope you have the wedding of your dreams when it comes!!

Xx


----------



## Vickytick (Feb 25, 2011)

I think go ahead with the wedding. I've been ttc nearly 4 yrs with so many  failures under my belt I'm wondering what I did wrong in a past life BUT my most used saying is ' can't do that we might be pg' yet still not. I've put too much off for ttc and dread to wake up in 5 yrs and wonder what I've done with my life except inject or wait for  results etc. 

Live for now I say.

Xx


----------



## Waiting-for-my-little-one (Apr 6, 2013)

I once read how it was important not to put things off waiting as such, as you then miss out and I remember thinking it was really good advice. However it's not always that straightforward as you say money makes it difficult! Its nice to have something to look forward to, my advice would be to have a little romantic wedding, even if its just the two of you eloping and a party after. You can always renew your vows in a few years and all been well you will have a little one by your side


----------

