# New to child free thinking...



## stevejc (Oct 22, 2004)

Hey everyone,

We have just experienced a failed ICSI. It was our one and only attempt at treatment after 8+ yrs of unexplained IF. We are gutted of course and yet we are veterans of disappontment and are trying to look at how we can live our lives differently. The practical things like decorating the "nursery" (you know, that room that you leave and leave in hope...)so we can actually use the room. Not being afraid to book foreign holidays "in case it's this month" etc. I guess this is just the start of changing how we think and live. We are still so raw with emotion right now.
Are there any fellas on this thread that can share how I can help my wife through this transition in our lives?

Yours

confused, hurt, a bit angry, yet hopeful for our future....

steve


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi steve
I am so sorry for your DW, and yourself and i can understand those feelings of mixed emotions....
You both have been through so much over the eight years, and that in itself is hard. Its good to see that you have both been there for each other and other couples not in this situation would have parted for lesser reasons...
At present it is important to work through these emotions and come to terms with the loss and your treatment. This in itself needs time and somehow finding away of coping between the two of you is so important. Sometimes we just want to curl up in a ball and shut the other one out, but try and work it through together...I beleive that you need to deal with this to beable to move onto the future....
Have you thought about counselling, this has been a great to support to many on us on this thread. I do understand that it does not agree with everyone, but having someone else listen who is not close to you can really help you through this difficult time....
I know what you mean about booking holidays, its always about 'if' and 'when'. I have been sick of my life being clouded by this and at the moment i feel alittle relief that i can now think 'just book it', who knows whats around the corner...
Gives yourself time Steve and your dw....Please try and take each day as it comes, because if you think of the future at this present moment it could tip you over the edge...
There are lots of girls on this thread that are so supportive and i am sure their input will help you immensely.
Just be kind to yourselves, because you deserve it...You sound like a lovely couple..
Take care.
love astridxxxxxx


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Steve,

Welcome to the Living Childfree thread.

It is good to have a mans point of view and your wife is lucky to have you!

Learning to live child free is really hard and yes it sounds like you are at the beginning.  I can empathise with the 'nursery'.  It has taken me ages to finally accept the room may never be a nursery and for us to use it as an office come craft room.

You are more than welcome to join us on the chat thread and please feel free to share your feelings as we all understand.

Laine x


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