# Hi. New to IVF, HELP Valie.



## valie (Nov 27, 2005)

Hello.

Is there anyone there? My name is Valie and I've just undergone my first IVF. This is such a long, depressing journey. I feel very down and don't know if I'll ever get pregnant. I suffered from a premature menopause at the ripe old age of 35!  I had just decided the time was right for my husband and I to start trying and I got hit with the news that it's too late!

It's taken me months to accept this. The best I can do now is IVF with donor eggs. That was a huge issue for me to get over, using another woman's eggs. I finally accepted that and have now completed my 1st IVF with donor eggs and ICSI. I'm biding my time determined not to get my hopes up and just waiting for a period pain to hit me. This is so hard. 

I know there are many women out there who are much further down the road than me and I suppose I shouldn't complain. But I would love some -one to talk to.  Valie


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## Jena (Nov 18, 2005)

Hi Valie,

Everyone here is soooo friendly and supportive. I am fairly new to this site but i am on my 5th ivf cycle, test on thursday.
I have straight ivf using my own eggs (i am the donor) so i can't fully sympathise with you there.......but definatley on the ivf side of things!!!!!!!!!

Chin-up and keep positive         

Jena


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## valie (Nov 27, 2005)

Jena said:


> Hi Valie,
> 
> Everyone here is soooo friendly and supportive. I am fairly new to this site but i am on my 5th ivf cycle, test on thursday.
> I have straight ivf using my own eggs (i am the donor) so i can't fully sympathise with you there.......but definatley on the ivf side of things!!!!!!!!!
> ...


Thanks Jena. I'm still working out how to use this site so don't know if you'll get this. 
I can't believe you're doing this for a 5th time. You must have been through so much.

Valie


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## Jena (Nov 18, 2005)

Go to the chat room for a chat iof you like.

Jena


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## SWEETCHEEKS (Sep 15, 2005)

Hi Vallie,

sorry to hear your feeling so Low ... Im sure there is someone out there in the same situation as you - But hey we all have one thing in common on here - we all trying (or have been there) and we all want that one precious thing - our prescious little  

Good Luck with your treatment.. Luv Sweetcheeks xx


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## karen j (May 19, 2004)

Hi Valie

WELCOME TO F.F. 
Once you come onto this site you'll wonder why you didnt find it before.
I was told I had POF at 30, like you I found it very hard to except. I still find it hard to cope with at times, but when Im down I know I can come on site and have a rant and theres always someone here to help. 
At the moment Im on the Birmingham NHS waiting list for egg donation, the problem being it will take about 2.5 years!!!!!!!! Ive been on it now 1.5 years.
Alot of women on the site have been abroad and been very sucessful, but unfortunately I couldnt afford it at the moment.
Dont forget to have a look at the early menopause site, under diagnois.
Wishing you all the best for the future, sending you lots of baby dust and hugs.  

Karenj


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## valie (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Nic

Thanks for the support. I can't even imagine getting that news at 18.  Hard to know which route, NHS or private. I guess it depends on your area, how long you might have to wait.  It's a longer wait for women like us who need donor eggs, cos you have to match up to a donor like you. At 26 you've plenty of time ,though I know that's of little comfort.  In Ireland they don't do egg share (well, about to start doing it) so I had no choice but to go private in an English Clinic.  Went to Cromwell Fertility Centre in Darlington cos of short waiting list but would not recommend this place to any-one. It's just a job to them, I didn't feel they cared at all and they didn't like me asking questions! So pick carefully! 

Did you ever get any type of explanation of why you suffered POF at 18? The Dr told me it's just one of those things. I know how hard it is to accept. I still feel very sad at not being able to ever have my own biological children. I meant to cheer you up but I've prob just depressed you! Sorry!

Anyway, I'm confident you'll get there in the end cos you have time on your side. Good luck with it all, lots of babydust and hugs!!


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## valie (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Nic  

I've just realised I posted yesterday's message to myself!  But looks like you found it anyway, so I'm doing it again cos I don't know how to send it to you. Still learning my way round this site. This is a really silly question but what does "bubbles" mean on the left hand side?  Anyway, I don't test until 8th Dec which feels like an age away. I booked 2 weeks off work to rest and give it the best chance. However I'm due back in work on 9th (running out of leave) which will be a bad day if I get a negative test. In one way I want the wait to be over and in another way I don't want it to come cos I know that will be a bad time. I refuse to get my hopes up, I adopt the "expect nothing and you won't be disappointed" idea!! My friend built up her hopes and was devastated when it failed twice.

My hubby is taking me shopping today which should distract me for a while. I really think that's one of the most important things you know, having a great partner to support you. It's really sad reading about couples who split up because of the stress of repeated IVF. 

Enough about me, (all this makes you very self-obsessed, doesn't it?!!).  I'm not surprised they're making you wait - you have to prove you're a stable and committed couple. How long have you been living together or are the 3 years up?  I met a girl Nic 2 nights ago on the chat room, was that you?  

Sounds like Darren is being very supportive, you'll get through it with him. I'm so glad I found this site , it's great to meet people in same boat. I do talk to my elder sister about this but she hasn't a clue how difficult this journey is.  Right, I'm off now to spend some of my husband's money and get some retail therapy. I can't go mad though cos I prob have to save up for more IVF!

It's nice to "talk" to you and I really hope you get this cos I'm posting it to me!!
Keep in touch! Valie


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## valie (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Nic,

My day was ok, did a bit of Xmas shopping and Pete (my hubby) let me buy whatever I wanted!

I know exactly what you mean about teenagers having kids who prob don't even want them. Just wait to you see the forms you have to fill in, I felt like we were being interviewed to see if we were good enough to be parents! Each of us had to give a form to our GP to give his opinion on whether we should be "allowed" IVF. All the tests you have beforehand makes you feel like a leper. If they think you're not emotionally ready they can say no, eg if you're still grieving for what you've lost. It really angered me that so many people were "judging" us and as you say there are other people out there who get pregnant at the drop of a hat, don't care about their kids and nobody's judging them! It just seems very unfair but I guess that's life! 

Still *WHEN* we have our babies, they will be brought up with a lot of love and decent family values . You and I may not be able to do the conception part the natural way but we can do all the rest just as well if not better than everyone else!!

I think it's just a matter of being determined and patient. Let's face it, no-one would keep on the IVF route unless they were determined. It's so fraught with ups and downs.
We're going to have our up days and our down days. Lots of them, so make the very most of your up days and get plenty of support on your down days.

Right, gotta go. You didn't tell me how to blow a bubble to some-one! How does everyone know all this stuff, I've looked and it doesn't tell you how to blow a bubble!!

G'night! (don't you just love all these little symbols?!!).

Valie


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## Jappa (Nov 16, 2005)

Hi Valie

Welcome to FF. It is such a supportive environment where you can get answers to any questions, however silly you think they might be and advice from people who understand what you are going through.

Jappa xx


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