# Moving On (for those with children) - General "Chit Chat" Thread



## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

Hello all,  

I thought it would be a nice idea to have a general "chit chat" thread within this board where you can share anything and everything rather than just having threads for specific issues.

Please feel free to jump in!

Chux xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Chux,

What a fab idea, thanks for starting the thread

Look forward to chatting with other mummys in similar situations.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend....

Donna


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Ooo just seen this, think it's a great idea. 


Like Donna Marie I look forward to chatting to those in similar situations   


Take care all 


xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

been asked to join this thread, as already have a child, and have tried for 4 years, unsuccesfully, and 4 rounds of failed IVf to have another, be nice to have general chit chat, to help come to terms with it all.x


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies,

Just a quicky as meant to be packing, waiting for DH to get the suitcase so a few minutes (or hours!)

Angela and Cherrytree, welcome to the thread, hopefully we can support each other along the way.

I am away for a few days with DS but will pop back into the thread on friday

Have a good few days


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hopefully when you are back there will be a few more ladies, Donna marie, have a nice few days away..x


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Hi Angela29A, welcome to the thread    How have you been today? 


I thought I'd tell you a little about myself - I have a ds who is now 4 years old after having two rounds of ICSI. I always thought I'd be happy with having one child (of course I know how very lucky I am and he really is my world) but have really struggled with not being able to have another. DS is going through a stage at the moment of saying he would like a brother which has been really tough.  


I hope you have had a good day hun


Donna look forward to hearing from you when you get back x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Thank you Cherry Tree, i'm ok thank you, you ?

Having one child, doesnt make the want for a 2nd any the less, and thats hard to deal with, and many others find it hard that we feel like that too. 


My story....

DD, 11 years old, by IUI, marriage ended when she was 3, found my prince charming, when she was 6, and we've wanted a baby together more or less since day 1, guessed we'd have problems, after previous IUI, but found we would need IVf with ICSI, hubby has low count, and my AMH came back low, after 3 failed ICSI,s we had 2 snow babies and decided on one more go, I also pushed consultant and GP for level 1 immune, as just felt something wasn't right, deep down, I felt and still do, that embryos stick initially then I lose them, as when i start to bleed, which normally is about 1 day before test day, i'm doubled up in pain, and end up in doctors or on the phone, and have the debate of hospital or not. Persistence with docs paid off and was found to have lupus anticoagulant syndrome, which causes repeat mis carriages, I naively, though that with right meds for condition it would work, got by BMI down to 26..something cant remember, ate healthy, saw a reflexologist, had much higher dose of meds than anyone else, 2 snowbabies survived the thaw, against the odds, to come crashing down to earth with another failed cycle...... and here i am, ideally, Id love more treatment, but finances and age are against me, and with no guarantees, when do you say enough is enough, so me and Dh, and Dd, are trying to move on, and enjoy life again, as we all know how much IVf takes over, starting with the arrival of a cocker spaniel puppy, just in time for xmas 


sorry for waffle, got carried away. xx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Angela29A Big hugs on your failed cycles hun    It really is hard to finally making that decision to stop isn't it    IVF definitely takes over even when you aren't cycling it's on your mind for the next one so knowing that has ended does give you a feeling that your life is back and what a better way to start it than with a playful puppy    We already have a dog and fish so not sure I can cope with anymore pets at the moment but puppies are so much fun and will definitely liven the house up. Is your DD excited? Have you chosen a name yet? I love cocker spaniels. 


xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

thank you cherry tree, yes always had the next cycle on my mind, to have nothing ...is the pits really....we are al very excited, 7 weeks seems an age away, we are going to call her Poppy, I lost my Dad suddenly in april, and poppys were one of his favourites, shes an orange roan, Mum is the same, which is why we opted for that colouring, and she was the 1st one we were all drawn to.x


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hi ladies

Angela sorry to hear of your loss, Poppy is a lovely name, we have a bunny named Poppy just a tad biased!
She sounds beautiful, pics please when you bring her home 

Cherry Tree   how are you doing sweetie

Well i am back......

our story is ttc for 17 yrs miracle BFP who is also 4 like Cherry Trees DS   
All the time we ttc #1 i never believed the urge for no 2 would be as strong as it was.
We tried a 2nd cycle (which i am still paying off) which resulted in bfp and then m/c financially we cant go there and i now have no ovarys never stops me wishing if only..... DS is always telling people hes got a sister coming pity its not the real deal though.

Myself and DS have a collection of bunnies, he chooses the rabbits, does their shopping, does the feeding with my help and Dh does the mucking out      a majority of the time lol

I realise how lucky i am to have him sadly though feelings cant be turned off and on as easily can they

Donna


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Oh dear, had a bad fews days, when everything hits you at once, and everywhere you go, are either pregnant women, or newborn babies crying...


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Big    Angela, it's really hard isn't it x Hope you are having a better day today hun xx


ps I have just noticed your pic - soooooo cute    x


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## Jennyburger (Jun 4, 2008)

Hi ladies

Room for a little (or rather not so little) one? Lol

I've just spotted this thread but am on my phone so will pop back later to post properly. My DD is almost 3, going on 33  and we also have given up on the tx for financial and old age reasons. 

Hugs for your tough day Angela xx

Great to meet you all, looking forward to chatting

Mm x


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Big welcome MusketeerMum x Hope you are ok xx


Donna how are you? xx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Me too me too can I join the chat

No number 2 for us, decided to go for tx, presueded dh, chickened out, can't afford it, massive drop in amh and loving our life too much to have that heart ache again. I've set up a ** page for single child families lol


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

thanks cherry tree, guess its that time of year when it all plays on your mind.

Hello musketeer mum, thanks for hugs, just feeling tad sorry for myself, .x

Hello Kara, oh whats your ******** page??


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies

Welcome Muskateer mum and Kara 

Angela   your profile pic is gorgeous

Kara hows the ** page going

Cherry Tree my lovely how are you doing

I guess Christmas brings it all to the front both before when we were ttc our miracles and now also it brings it to the front of our minds sadly 

My DS has health issues, i keep telling myself hes an only one for a reason which is fine (not always able to convince myself tho!) but i find it hard when others tell me it particularly people who know how hard it was to get him in the first place argh
Not a good week as i had a stomach bug and now full of cold so a little less tolerant than my usual self

DH though is going to pick his rabbit up today what a cutie it is too!

Ironing beckons so got to run

Donna


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Welcome Kara x 

How is everyone? Have you all had a good weekend? 

I love sundays just hate that they signal the end of the weekend  

We had a lovely walk along the beach today and hot doughnuts.... yum!

xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

sorry donna didnt reply to your earlier post, poppy seema a good pet name all round  , hoping to see her this coming weekend, so hopefully update profile pic, to 4 weeks old pic 

You are right xmas does bring it all to the front....hope you are feeling better now, and rabbit is settling in.?

Kara, can you pm link to ******** page?

Cherrytree, need another weekend to get over this one, so stressful, ex kicking off...upset DD all weekend, hope you enjoyed walk on the beach, i live very near the beach and really dont make the most of it.xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies

Hope you are all ok

Angela is Poppy home 

Just popping in to say



May you all have a lovely Christmas with your families 

Donna


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

xx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

xx


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## susiemarmite (Sep 13, 2010)

Done 11 IVF's in an attempt for baby no. 2 - 3 with my own eggs and 8 transfers with donor eggs - miscarrying one at 8 weeks ... now aged 44 years old and think I have run out of time on this one.  In theory due to go back to Spain for a last transfer in a month's time but I will be 45 before the baby is born (assuming I even get pregnant) - we have 8 frosties still sitting in a freezer over there!

My daughter is 5 now - she was IVF, own eggs, 2007 - 2nd attempt.

I think I am too old at 44.  What do you guys think? - did you /do you have an age cut off?


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi Donna, yes Poppy's home picked her up 22nd december  hope u had a good crimson, and wishing you a happy new year.

Happy new year cherry tree 

Susiemarmite,  my friend is 45 and has just fell pregnant naturally, her 3rd child. Think that's something only you can answer really. I was NHL funded and cut off is 40, deciding if to have a private go or not.....not really sure, if we could have a guarantee then we all would!!!!! Personally if it was me and had frozen eggs I'd have to use them. A tough choice to make. Good luck with what you decide. Xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Finally dated profile pic, on daughter I pad , poppy 11 weeks :0)) x


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Awww Angela Poppy is adorable, hope she is settling in well hun. How was the rest of your Christmas? 

Susie welcome to the thread hun  I can't really answer your question sorry, like Angela said it really is a personal choice. How does your partner feel about it? 

Donna how are you hun? Did you have a good christmas?

We had a good Christmas, can't believe it is back to the school run tomorrow. Holidays and weekends always go too quickly lol It is my birthday soon the big(ish) 3 0  Need to finish my assignment that is due tomorrow so hope you all have a lovely Sunday, which I think is my favourite day of the week except when it late evening and realise its Monday tomorrow lol

xx


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## salblade (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi ladies I hope you don't mind me dropping in to your thread. Our little girl turned 1 on Saturday but I really have to face up to things and admit she's going to be an only child. We decided that there would be no more tx for us for numerous reasons including cost and the fact that I respond very rubbish to tx. We are trying to enjoy every second with poppy but sometimes I wish things were different. 
Salx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to the thread Sal   
belated happy birthday to Poppy  we all know here how it feels to stop at the one  sadly

Angela Poppy is gorgeous you must be well impressed is she a good girl 

Cherry Tree did you get the assignment finished  when is the big 3 0 i had the big 4 0 last year mmmmm

Nothing new here, plodding on, Z is still expecting a sister   hes been having nightmares obviously not connected lol hes back to school tomorrow was inset day today he says he feels poorly   we shall see what tomorrow brings though

Donna


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## salblade (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi all 
Thanks for the welcome Donna, I hope Z's first day back at school went well. Bless him having nightmares, really hope they stop soon, I always feel really sorry for poppy when she wakes up screaming. 

We've got Poppy's mmr jab on Friday so really not looking forward to that, plus my mum and dad go away for 2 months on the same day  .
Salx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Welcome Salblade x Happy 1st Birthday Poppy, I hope you all had a wonderful day celebrating it. Eww jabs, hate them! Hope it goes ok hun. Where are your parents going? Do you see them a lot?  

Donna I did get my assignment in but I don't hold out much hope for a good result because of christmas etc I didn't put my all into it. Now thinking about the next one which is due 4th Feb  Big 3 0 is next week hun. How was Z's first day back? x

Angela hope you are well hun x

Susie have you come to any decisions hun? x

I've been getting broody lately, no clue why as I thought I'd gone past that stage (well hoped lol) DS still talks about a brother and choosing older children in his school to be in brother bless him. 

Take care ladies xx


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## salblade (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi all


Hi cherry tree bless your ds wanting a brother, I'm dreading poppy asking for a brother or sister. I still get broody made even worse by having to buy presents for newborns, although it did feel very strange looking in the boys section of next. My mum and dad are going to India for 8 weeks, we see them once or twice a week so it will be strange with them away. I think we will cope better than my mum I think a month would be long enough for her to be away from poppy. 


Well I've got Poppy's developmental check next Wednesday, I will be glad when everything is one and we can get back to normal.
Salx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi cherrytree/donna Yes poppy settling in well, more of a routine this week thank god, and ive had some sleep...bonus!!!lol, think she was worse than my daughter for waking in the night.... had our 1st walk yesterday and took her on the beach today, lovely to be out as a family like that again  

Welcome Salbade, Hope you get by ok with Mum and Dad away, we are always here for you. aahhh Poppy looks a gorgeous little girl, its very hard to accept, that a child will be an only child, dont think we really ever do, i still hope for a miracle... xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello 

Julz welcome to the thread, you are amongst like minded ladies here hun
the ladies upon this thread are lovely and supportive i am sure you will see

  i get the "its because hes an only child" gggrrr (quietly swearing under my breath) whilst thinking yes and its not by choice gggrrr i mainly get this from people who have 4 children no IF issues 

Angela how is Poppy settling in, is she liking the snow 

Cherry Tree how are you and DS, did you get a snow day today 

Salblade hope you are managing ok, how was DD's check hope all was ok

susiemarmite and anyone else i missed 

Donna


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Thanks for the lovely welcome Donna.

OMG I just read back my post and realised that I ranted on for ages about just about everything - so sorry ladies I am normally quite sane!!  

Love Julz x


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Julz welcome to the thread hun    


I find I am struggling at the mo because all of my friends have a second child who are all the same age and arrange play days etc so feel a bit excluded. I only know of one other child in my ds class that is an only child and still get asked when is number two   


Donna no snow day for ds although they did get to play in the snow at school.


Hi Angela, susie and salblade hope you are all well 


xx


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hi Cherry tree and thanks 

I know what you mean about feeling excluded. People also seem to be wary for the very fact that I only have one child, it's very unusual at DS school, there are only 3 other children in the whole of the combined school that are an only child! And as you say, I also get asked if and when am I having number 2!! I am trying to look at that positively and think that I must not look as old as I am as no one would ask a 43 yr old if they are going to have another baby!!

I definately dont feel so alone or excluded now though, and I was telling DH about this section of the forum, and how it has helped me to make sense of some of my feelings.

No snow day here today either. 

Take care

Julz x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Welcome Julz 96, 

Feel free to rant on, your post is only how we all feel.

As for the "what if" moment every month, god if I could deal with that one i'd be one happy lady, stupid really as by needing ICSI, it would be a miracle... but one I still hope for every month, i've even stopped counting days between AF..in the hope one day I might suddenly realise im late...I live in hope..but no it arrives unexpectedly as haven't a clue what day i'm on, in the most inconvenient times and places...damn you AF...

And what is worse is when you learn some ones pregnant with out trying, and don't really want it....

Donna, Poppy's loving the snow thank you, shes also been my saviour to keep my mind busy at the mo, and is helping speeding up the weight loss, finally hit my  2 1/2 stone target this week, now for 3 stone...

Cherrytree, right with you on the struggling at the mo, think perhaps its time of year, new year and all that business, I try and put a brave face on, but break inside 

xxx


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Morning Angela 29A

Well done on your weight loss, you must be so happy to see results. How are you managaing that, are you doing it yourself or is it a club? I too have lost 2.5 stone but I am stuck firmly with 1 stone to go. Don't seem to put on or lose at the minute so i think I need to do some more exercise. I lost it using the "my fitness pal" app. My brother lost 5 stone using it and he has never managed to lose anything before, so I gave it a go and it has been brilliant. 

I too have stopped counting the days now, I have taken all reference to due dates etc off my calendar in the hope that I will stop trying.  I am trying to embrace being a family of 3, and I took the step yesterday of inviting DS school friend round for a few hours, which he loved, and eased my guilt at him being on his own. Maybe the way forward?!

Your puppy is gorgeous. What breed is she? We lost our dog christmas 2011, the end of a crap year with all the failed tx. We have always had pets, dogs and cats, but she was the last to die, bless her we miss her terribly but I am resisting getting another one . The heartbreak never gets easier, and we always say "never again", but inevitably end up getting another one! My DH is pressuring me for another dog now, and I have to admit I am very tempted. I have been looking into types of dog and have fallen in love with Beagles, they seem so loveable and perfect for DS. We have always had boxers before. My brother has a cockerpoo and I have to admit they are appealing because they don't lose any hair!

Better get off as I am meant to be decorating today, god I can't stand decorating!

Hello to everyone else.

Love Julz x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Evening Julz, 

Weightloss has been a hard slog, especially with IVf inbetween where ive gained weight again, due to drugs and comfort eating.... 

I go to Weight Watchers, i'm not the sort of person to do it alone, i need that weekly weigh in, to keep me focused.

I'll have to have a look at the fitness app too  

Poppy is a cocker spaniel, really got her to help ease the pain with failed IVf, and lost my Dad april last year, she keep my mind occupied, which I so need right now!!!

I love boxers, but a bit too big for me, Beagles are lovely too, we looked at those, didnt realise cockerpoos dont shed hair, think we should have gone for that lol

Hope you got some decorating done..

Hello to everyone else, we really could do with some more people on here, rather quiet.xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hellooo

Angela
wow cant believe how much Poppy has grown
My DS wants a Cavapoo, he has respitory issues, we currently have a Labrador who sheds lots of hair DH thinks it may help in the longing for a sibling but i dont know my labrador is over 6 now bit of an old girl and might not appreciate a puppy lol

How is everyone doing, i have had some school issues to deal with, tomorrow going for xray on my spine then will throw myself into arranging DS party and maybe a housemove inbetween so lots to occupy my mind 

  all around

Donna


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

I want a cockapoo    but my pooch is 9 in March so not sure she'd accept a puppy now. 


Well done on the weight loss girls.


Em good luck for your scan tomorrow    

xx


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Morning ladies

Grey and miserable here, but at least it's not cold!

All this talk of dogs makes me want one ! Angela, from what I can gather, there have been loads of different breeds which have been bred with a poodle, and it is because poodles do not shed hair. There is even a 'poogle', which is a beagle/Poodle cross!!

Sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mum 19 months ago, in between the first and 2nd rounds of IVF. It's a hard adjustment once they have gone, so you have my sympathy.

Managed to get some painting doen. It is going to be a long process though. There are lots of doors in my hall and landing and I have to repaint all of them!

Donna good luck with the Xray. Are you definately moving? Will it be local or a completely new location? I am a serial mover, so it always interests me. I love looking on Rightmoce at the houses for sale. We moved 12 times in 14 years ( partly to do with my DH being in the RAF) but it got to the point where I get itchy feet now and want to buy an old run down house and do it up. The only thing that stops me now is DS who is settled and loves it here. Sadly though if we dont get our IVF debts under better control we may end up moving again anyway!!

Cherry my friend had 2 dogs, one died so she got a puppy. She said it gave her old dog a new lease of life.  There is always the risk they might not get on I guess. I had 2 dogs and athough they were hard work, more hair etc,it was lovely bacause they were inseperable. We only wanted one and searched the Boxer Rescue sight but they did not have a youngish one. So we bought one, and then the Boxer Rescue told us they found one, and we could not turn him away, so we had 2!! We lost one when he was 9 to a tumour, and the last one was 11 last christmas. I can see us getting another dog before the year is out!

Its so nice to have 'met' you ladies. I walk DS to the school now past al the buggies, babies and toddlers and don't feel quite so alone knowing there are other people in the world who have been through the same heartbreak, and feel the same as me, it's comforting and makes me feel stronger   .

Better get off and do some hoovering, enjoy your day x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

evening ladies, 

Yes donna, poppy is growing fast, nothing is safe any more..lol, hope x ray goes well. 

Cherrytree, i'm sure your pooch would accept a puppy eventually, my cats are taking a while to adjust, the eldest tia at 19, was the one i was concerned about, but she just stand her ground...bless

Julz, sorry to make you want a puppy..lol. thank you for you kind comments about Dad, and you have my sympathy on the loss of your Mum. we lost Dad between 3 and 4th IVF, we had false hope that hed be looking down at us and would help, sadly as much as i know he is looking over me, he didnt help..just yet, 

Off to weightwatchers tomorrow hope ive lost again this week. xx


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## XxMichellexX (Oct 15, 2008)

Hi all. Hoping i could join you all. Had my miracle lil girl last year, and was hoping to try for another around August time. Looked at egg share (cant afford full cost IVF if im being honest) but today got a letter to say i dont meet the criteria for egg share, due to my recurrent MC's. Im sad that we havent even got an option and that our journey has ended and no brother/sister for Isobel. Im so grateful to have my girl and now need to move on with her and my DP. 


xxx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Michelle

Welcome to the thread,

So sorry to hear your news about eggsharing 

I think i remember you from cycle buddies perhaps  glad to see you got your little miracle

 

the ladies here are lovely i am sure you will see

Donna


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi Michelle, im so sorry to hear about egg sharing must be very hard. Id love to egg share also, but im too old... welcome to the thread.xx


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## XxMichellexX (Oct 15, 2008)

Thanks for the welcome girls    


My lil girl has a cough at the mo, do you know if there's anything i can give her? 
xx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Welcome to the thread hun, sorry to hear your DD is poorly with a cough hun. I don't have any suggestions for a cough I'm afraid other than I found propping ds's cot/bed at the head end helped with coughing at night    Hope she feels better soon x


I've had headache after headache this week, just asked for an extension for my assignment because I can't concentrate which I hate doing. Birthday party to attend tomorrow night and they are saying it is going to snow, was hoping it was warming up.


Hope you all have a good weekend


xx


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hi Michelle

so sorry to hear about your egg sharing news. You must feel very frustrated and upset. I hope you find some comfort from this thread. I know being in touch with ladies in a simiar diemma has proved a huge comfort to me. 

Hope your little one is feeling better.

Take care

Julz x


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## susiemarmite (Sep 13, 2010)

what age is too old?  ... we have frozen embies left but I am now 44 and will be 45 in april
with all the messing about, rubbish advice, time wasted on treatments and explorations that revealed nothing - I now think I am too old to bother with a last go ... I would be 45 when the baby is born if I did indeed get pregnant and my daughter would be 6.5 years ...

what do you think? - have one last go or give it a rest now and get on with life just the three of us ... when are we ladies just too old to do this??


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

susiemarmite, if it was me id have to give it one last go, i couldnt destroy the frozen ones, we had this dilema, last year, unfortunately for me it was another BFN.. but at least I can say I had one last go. its very personal choice, good luck whatever you decide. xx


Is it just me or does everyone and anyone seems pregnant, I wonder how much id due to Mr christian Grey...!!!


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Angela    at Me Grey, how is little Poppy. I can't wait for warmer weather so its nicer walking the dog!


susie it is really a difficult decision when there are frosties, we never had any frosties  so never had to make the decision. Personally I don't think it's too old but it's how you feel hun   


xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies,

susiemarmite, i would say that if i had frosties i would use them, its all an individual choice though, i think for me, it would be closure, like Cherry Tree though i have never had frosties

Cherry Tree with you on the warmer weather for nice walks, we are forecast snow for next 2 days 

mmm another pregnant mum on the school run, ooh you only said last month you wanted another and her you are preggers ARGH 

If only eh if only!

Had a pretty crap day today off to bed soon, tomorrow has to be rosier 

Donna


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## Mumps (Nov 3, 2009)

Hi ladies - wondering if I can join your thread. Just had my BFN to my final ICSI attempt  and just can't get my head around the fact I'll not get to be a mum again and that my DD will be an only child. I'm the youngest of four and love having my siblings. Last 24 hours been very strange. It's still not sunk in. Was convinced this one had worked. 

It's comforting to know some of the feelings I'm experiencing are mirrored from what I've read. Would love to know what that ******** page is. 

Thanks M


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## Julz96 (Jan 13, 2010)

Hi Mumps

Didn't want to read and run. So sorry to hear of your news. I was also at the ARGC, also with Immune issues, so I can empathise entirely. Life is just so bloody unfair.  I hope you can take time out to heal and find a way forward. 

Take care x


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## Mumps (Nov 3, 2009)

Thanks Julz. 
Went to my gp this morning and he's signed me off for a week. I feel terribly incapable and like I'm over reacting and my work colleagues won't understand but I just want to scream behind my smile at the moment. 


Anyway husband and daughter also taking the week off so we are going to go away for a few days and think about next steps. 


M x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

mumps big hugs, it's so hard and don't really think you ever come to terms with it, you just learn to live with it  and put on a brave face . 

Hope you have a nice few  days away some time together xxx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Mumps welcome to the thread hun and massive    


xx


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Room for 1 more   




Lovely to read some very similar feelings and emotions , but sad at the same time to read some of us are struggling with the prospect of no more treatment.


My daughter is 8 months old, the apple of me eye and a bundle of hyper joy   


Me and DH have gone round and round in circles about trying for a sibling. But the bottom line is my amh is rubbish and i was told on my last treatment that time was running out. I love my brother and sister and want that bond for my daughter but at the same time I want to close the book on treatment and just be grateful and happy that I am one of the lucky ones. 
It's a real mixture of emotions.


Anyway, I think we have finally decided to just be content and happy as a family of three. My daughters very demanding and I've had no sleep since she's been born, I doubt I could stay awake to cope with a newborn.   


Doesn't mean I don't have the odd pang of sadness when friends announce they are pregnant with their second. And I do find myself splurting and stuttering when I get asked ' when you trying for the next one? ' - but you know what? Me and my husband are damn bloody lucky to have our baby girl and I have to remind myself of that from time to time.


Tomorrow we all get to celebrate Mothers Day, how lucky are we ?! 




Anyway, it will be lovely to get to know you all and your babies


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## Mumps (Nov 3, 2009)

Lollipops - you are so right about tomorrow. We are very lucky and I need to keep reminding myself of that. 

I know what you mean about siblings, I'm the youngest of four and love the relationship we have. We also all share the worries about my mum of 80. Weird I realise but got really upset thinking Freya will be on her own when we are older (which doesn't feel that far off). 

Angela and Cherrytree, thanks. And like Lollipops it will good to get to know you all. 

Well hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow - we found out on Mother's Day three years ago that we were pregnant with Freya, so extra lovely day to celebrate. 

X


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to Mumps and Lolli

Been away for a few days so just catching up with posts, will pop by next few days for personals

Donna


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Having been on for a while, having a few bad days and not that you ever accept you can't have any more children, you just have to learn to live with it, and at the moment it's proving very difficult, emotions just suddenly seem to come from no where :0(


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Angela    I know how you are feeling hun as I've been the same of late. Sending you lots of cyber hugs and hope with the sunshine we finally have will brighten our moods   


xx


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## Hevlaw (Apr 4, 2013)

Space for one more?!
I have posted in the general area here but saw this thread and thought it would be good to join for ongoing support....I know this journey will get easier, but there are going to be times when I will need people who understand.
One of my best friends told me last week his girlfriend is pregnant. They'd been trying for two months....makes me so angry.  I can't talk to them at the mo.  she will also be due inbetween when my babies would have been due.
I'm a midwife and can't face going back to work yet...pregnant women moaning that they are pregnant doesn't really help!


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hevlaw, 

big hugs 

Dont know how you cope with being a midwife in our situation at all, hats off to you.

Id like to tell you it gets easier, and there a magic wand, sadly there isnt, and think we just have to learn to live with it.

And as we all know unless you have been in our situation nobody truely understands.

Take time, and go back to work when you are raedy. 

xxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

On a right feel sorry for myself at the moment, just when you are coming to terms, with not being able to have another child, something pops up and stirs all those feeling up again :0((


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Angela big    hun, it gets you when you least expect it xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

It certainly does cherry tree. x


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## pixie9 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hello people not sure if this thread is very well used but thought I'd post as it seems to be where I am at and I need to vent.


Just had a failed FET, waiting for my AF feeling very tearful and empty. I didn't realise how upset I'd be because after our successful first ICSI there have been 2 embryos on ice for 2 years while I have been in a pregnancy/ new mum bubble (which has been wonderful). I always verbalised if we are lucky to have another but I don't think I really understood how it would feel when that last chance was taken away. My gorgeous daughter is only 15 months and I enjoy her at every moment but I'm shocked how devastated I feel that within a day (test day) it's all over. 3 months of taking drugs in preparation and my hopes building and lots of subconscious thoughts about the next babies room, what equipment I can save for it etc. Several people have said oh well at least you have your daughter and they are right we are enormously lucky to have her but am I wrong to be sad that's potentially the limit of our family. I'm not sure I'm ready to say that's it.
It's very early and in time I suppose i may find acceptance but I fear I will always feel sad and envious of others with more than one child. Some may think I'm ungrateful but I hope parents of a single child may understand me.


Thanks for listening 
Pixie


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Pixie, undortunately this thread, isnt that busy. 
I totallu understand how you are feeling, Ive gotm one daughter by IUI, 12 years agao, actually she shares your daughters birthday  , remarried 6 years ago, 3 fresh ICSI cycles, BFN, 1 FET BFN..... I really cant say if you will find acceptance as after a year since our last failed cycle, im still struggling with it, it does get easier, but every now and then those feelings come flooding back and bite you.... Im not ready to say thats it either, but dont know if there are options either, still hope and pray nor a natural miracle every month. 

Sending you lots of love and big


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

So sorry your FET didn't work     
Just because you are grateful for your daughter doesn't mean you aren't entitled to grieve for the other children you'll never have and to grieve for your snowbabies that didn't make it.
My son is nearly 2 and I'm still having a hard time accepting he's my one and only. It takes a long time. 
Big hugs


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## pixie9 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hi!


Thanks so much for your replies! Funny our daughters have the same birthday Angela!    I appreciate both of your honesty about how difficult it is to move on. I'm sorry that you have not been able to complete your families either. Thanks Kandykane it does feel like a grieving process.

I have been trying for a baby since may 08 and apart from the wonderful break being pregnant/a new mum as soon as my periods returned I was back on the drive for number two. I don't know how to switch it off, it has dominated my life for so long. What I eat, drink, think, is fertility connected (Obviously I have had some good times and let my hair down!) but I'm sure you understand it's always in the back of your mind. I have a friend who spent 5 years ttc and finally had success via ICSI (3rd round) then while on maternity leave she conceived naturally! I feel my only hope now is a natural miracle but how do I switch off? I guess I must put my effort into getting on with life, enjoying my daughter and husband and try to be busy and fingers crossed maybe...just maybe..   Easier said than done though eh!!

Best wishes to you both 
Pixie xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Pixie - I quite agree it takes over your life , we had decided no more since last September , when Fet failed , but at the moment find myself wanting all over again ... My daughter is 12... Going on 18 .. Lol and is out and about with friends at weekend , we got a puppy before Xmas which does keep us occupied , but still find myself yearning again .. One day I'll half come to terms with it , the big 40 for me next year so to me I feel I wouldn't want to leave it much later . Xx


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## Lins74 (May 10, 2011)

Good Afternoon Ladies

CanI join you please?  I didn't think after finally having treatment i woul dbe here again, and I should be happy and content with my beautiful baby boy Samuel which of course I am, I count my blessing every day but just lately I have been feeling I want another and its not fair, it will never happen naturally and We can't afford private again.  My DH wouldn't want any more anyway, he has two older children 18 and 14 they both live with us.
Friends on here, from post natal and work are all having second and i feel like im being left behind.  I am truely grateful I have Samuel but I just wish so much I could do it again 
Sorry to ramble on

Lindsey xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi Lins74, 

Feel free to ramble on all you want. doesnt matter having Samuel, that you still dont yearn for a sibling for him, its so hard, and unless in this situation people dont understand xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello ladies

Welcome Lins74 hevlaw pixie9 and kandykane

You are amongst like minded ladies here

Angela29A how is poppy doing 

Cherry Tree how are you 

Lolli hope you and dd are doing ok

Sheilaweb how are you and princess

Have to say I am a bit miffed 

I had an ovary removed in 2004 the other was removed in 2010 following a mc after my final ICSI attempt 

Obviously I am in surgical menopause, I have every meno symptom and the bloods lat week came back to say normal range and showed ovulation wtf how can that be I have been having af pains seriously weird 

I have appt booked on 9th July but gggrrrr

Hope everyone is doing ok

Donna


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi donna, Poppy is great thank you,8 months now, keeps us busy....lol

That is seriously weird, update us when you know anything xxx


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

thanks for the welcome. I've been lurking on the thread since it started but I'd not posted because although I should be 'moving on' most days I don't feel like I am doing. I tend to just be business like about not having another. No choice so just get on with it. But when I really think about it the floodgates open     and I feel like I'm falling apart   


donna - sounds like they gave you someone else's results! I mean wtf how can you ovulate with no ovaries??


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

KandyKane, ive been suffering with really bad PMt, which doesnt help my situation as adds to the flood gates, trouble is this time of year, seems like babies, babies and more babies :0(((


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Donna how did your scan go yesterday? 

I know I'm in the 'moving on' thread, it's been almost 2 months since my thermal ablation - and think I need to be a category - I dunno - "I've got my head in the sand, and generally going  "

I can't face the fact that it's game over for me, I'm trying not to think about things, it's too painful otherwise 

BUT - on the positive side, I have ditched the maternity pads - hell, Hannah even told my mother in law I wasn't going to work as I wasn't wearing my usual black trousers - and YES, my MIL even phoned me later the same day to ask me if I'd been to work that day?? That child of mine, will land me in some  one of these days  

Lovies to everyone 
Sheila - reverting to the safety and security of my little sandpit!


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Sheila    I don't think you ever come to terms with it really. I still get broody and I'm so ashamed to say it but jealous when people announce they are pregnant. 


Welcome to the thread hun xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello ladies

Sheilaweb I agree with cherry tree I don't think you ever come to terms with moving on I was meant o move on 2 yrs ago with the removal of my 2nd ovary, ok I could do donor but can't fund it I am still paying off my 2nd ICSI 

How is everyone doing,

Mmm well it looks like I have ovarian remnant syndrome I have been referred back to the hospital where I had Z and my IF tx    it's true I ovulate and my FSH levels are better now than when I had tx they should be sky high 

Isn't the weather lovely
It is DS school fayre tomorrow afternoon
He's staying with his current teacher for another year yay! (They keep 10 children back) 

Big hugs all around


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Em    hope they can get things sorted hun. How does it work keeping 10 children back? 


xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Cherry Tree said:


> How does it work keeping 10 children back?
> 
> xx


Haha don't ask me

There are 2 reception classes

The one Z is in and the next one up children that stay like Z will only do 1 yr in next class those moving this yr will do 2 so in 2 yrs all will start the new yr as one class confused then join me hehe


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Nope still don't get it    but I'm pleased your pleased he is staying with his current teacher xx


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello Ladies

How is everyone group  

Am having a down day today

Yesterday i got a letter confirming my appt for 3rd September at 9am mmm the day Z goes back to school, i dont want to have to send him with someone else on the first day of term   so DH rings them, he has to deal with phone calls as i have hearing loss 

They offer one for thursday OMG this week with a different consultant i have accepted it but wish i hadnt now as Z has a dietician appt at a different hospital DH can take him, i think though i am in my little bubble and i can ignore it whilst i am there feeling mighty nervous so Nottingham tomorrow Sheffield Thursday will be ready for the weekend and a rest lol

On a happier note hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine

E
x x


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## pixie9 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hi Ladies,


Had my first AF after my last failed FET. We tried hard and I felt quite obsessed with getting pregnant but no such luck. So back on the merry-go-round we go, we will just keep trying. How or when do we stop? Truth is I really don't want to. I really want to have another. I love my DD so much and love watching her grow up but I don't feel our family is complete yet. I can't bring up the subject of trying another cycle with my husband yet and I don't feel ready. I have no idea how we would afford it but I'm 40 soon, we can't leave it for too long.


Praying for a miracle    and to you all!!   


Pixie xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Emma my heart goes out for you - it really does, as you can see from my new 'avitar' - (what an awful description - makes our 'babies/photos seem like they're made up cartoon characters!)  Hannah 'graduated' from creche yesterday - so of course, lots of Mammy tears, soo utterly proud of my little miracle, but I will never have this 'huge occasion' with any more babies...and boy did it hurt   - but I have to say that on the plus side - more tears being a proud Mammy, than mourning what is not meant to be...so thats encouraging. 

I suppose when you're just 'getting on with life' and it's not 'in your face' it's fine - but when you have to face it head on - OUCH !

Thought I was coping well in my bubble - but I now know that all of Hannahs 'firsts' that are yet to come, are going to be yet another boot from reality....Mother Nature is a cruel twisted   

Luv to everyone
Sheila - mega proud of my diploma wielding graduate


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Donna, what is you appt for if not too personal to ask?
Sounds like a busy few days, you certinly will need a rest at the weekend.

Hi Pixie, 1st Af after treatment is always hard, we sound very much alike, im approaching 40 in Feb, and cant give up yet of having a sibling for my daughter either.

Lovely pic Sheilaweb   mother nature is certainly cruel!!!

Cherrytree, I cant cope with any baby announcements either, hurts too much.


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Angela

A few post back I had a hormone profile done it showed I ovulate I shouldn't as no ovary s my FSH is good for my age if I had ovarys intact it's better than my FSH when I had tx!

I have ad cyclical af pains for over 2 yrs so my body is trying to continue with ovarys I don't have but possibly some tissue is still there so it needs investigating


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Aaaahhhh yes I remember now. 
hope you get on ok at appointment.


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Hi all, was just wondering how everyone is getting on? 


xx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

not too bad thanks cherry tree. you ? x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi all, 
Just wondering how we are all doing? x


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

When I had DS I became friends with 3 other first time mummies with babies the same age as DS. One of them (who thought at 40 she was too old to have a second) had their second baby yesterday and another (who had IVF for no. 1 and then got a miracle natural bfp) is 5 months pregnant. I'm pleased for them but so sad for myself. Have just had the happy news from the new mum and am literally sobbing here. Half tears of joy for her as she's a very dear friend but I know half my tears are selfish. One of my close friends, who I see several times a week is 7 months pg with her 2nd and I'm fine with her most of the time but every now and again I see her rub her bump and I want to cry for me, my dp, my son and the sibling I will never give my boy. Does this get easier? Please say it does.


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

I had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend, we took dd - age 3 to Disney on Ice at the Telewest Arena in Newcastle (just behind the Centre for Life) where dd was conceived.  I pointed out the waiting room windows and said, thats where the special doctors put you into Mammys tummy.  And I said that everytime I see the building I say "thank you very much".

When we came out well after her usual 8.30 bedtime, she pointed up and said, look Mammy, the special doctors are still putting babies into Mammys tummys (as some lights were still on in the back).  "I really hope so sweetheart....we waited soo long to have you, hopefully doctors are making more little families, and more very special babies are going to have Mammies and Daddies who love them soo much - just like you." 
As if I needed reminding how lucky I am - but after a fab family night out, yes I'm soo lucky to have my little girl - am I selfish wanting more?!, but I suppose I have now 'touch wood' turned a corner into acceptance street - and skipping towards Happytown.

I'm really wanting to get dd a little animal - trying desperately to get hubby to agree to a gorgeous rabbit Donna Marie x 

Love and hugs to everyone 
Sheila


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Kandykane, Id love to tell you it gets easier, but I find it doesnt, I just seem able to accept some people beng pregnant, and some I cant accept at all.xx

Sheilaweb, how lovelt to explain and show DD where you went for treatment ..etc. Not selfish at all in wanting more, and glad you have turned a corner.x


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## Nutpot (Feb 6, 2010)

I know this page has not been posted on for a while but I just need to tell my story.

I am very lucky. I have a son who was conceived naturally which is more than what alot of people have. It didn't take as long as most people on here........it took 2 years to have him.
When he was 4 months old we started TTC again. 2 years later, nothing.
I will be 40 in 6 days time and DH is 50 this year.
DH has told me that if we haven't conceived by May then it's game over. He does NOT want to try anymore. He will use contraception. I do understand his point of view, he says he's tired and we should be grateful for what we have.

Trouble is, I just can't bear the thought of having an only child. I feel more desperate this time than I did first time   . I have 3 sisters and I just can't imagine my boy not having a sibling.

We have 2 frosties which we will be using very soon, but after that (if they don't work) then I will lose all hope.

Really need some PMA but it's so hard when month after month, nothing.

All my antenatal friends are now pregnant or have already had 2nd babies. They ALL started trying way after I did.
At my son's swimming class, THREE of the other women are on their 2nd.....or 3rd.

All I get is "just relax and it will happen"  AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. EVERYONE who says that has only taken 1 or 2 months to conceive!!!!!! Even I was relaxed after 2 F***ing months!!!!!!!

Sorry, just needed to rant. Time is not on my side. Hope you all understand.

Nutpot xxxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi nutput, completely understand where you are coming from I'm 40 in 4 weeks and times not on my side either . I have a daughter who's now coming up for 13, I never for one moment thought she would be an only child , we have been trying 6 years with numerous ivfs and still hope for a natural miracle every month ( would be a miracle too ) we feel completely in limbo as don't know what to do next, but can't give up just yet either ..... 
Like you sick if people saying if you just relax it will happen ... Then of course it's everybody pregnant around you too 

Can't really offer any advice apart from to say I know how you are feeling xxx


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## Nutpot (Feb 6, 2010)

Thanks Angela. My period is due on my 40th Birthday so I will be starting my final FET and then that's it    xxxxxxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

My daughter WAS my 40th birthday present - thankfully she doesn't ask for a brother or sister, as I think that would be difficult to deal with - she knows she is 'special' as the doctor had to put her into Mams tummy. But I went to a lecture by the wonderful Professor Robert Winston and he was adamant that older women SHOULDNT be stigmatised for having children well into their 40's, and that realistically women who undergo IVF treatment are in much better physical and mental shape to become mothers, than much younger women - as they treat their bodies as temples and look after themselves - I wanted to jump up and shout YAY and give him a hug....

I did do the latter, and waited at the end of a long queue of autograph hunters and simply handed him a letter, thanking him for his pioneering research and work helping childless couples...he asked what it was, before I even got the words - "it's a thank you letter, I am a very proud ICSI Mother" - biting hard on my quivering lip, and blinking back tears, I asked if I could have a photograph taken....a gentleman whow had been in the queue in front of me was only too happy to oblige, as his wife was now in floods of tears listening to our little conversation!

Yes, I'd love another child and give my 3 year old a little brother or sister, but I honestly and wholeheartedly wish all you lovely ladies here all the luck in the world in your quest for more beautiful babies.

Sheila


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Nutpot, good luck with final FEt  

Shielaweb what a lovely 40th birthday present


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hello Ladies,

I'd love to join this thread!

I've had such a traumatic time in the last few days. We were supposed to go for IVF number 4 with our current clinic (Lister), but due to a mental breakdown, massive row and general meltdown on Monday last, we backed out of it. The day before EC. Don;t ask.... We are finished with IVF. Life is for living and loving our baby girl, and hopefully one day, each other too......

We have a beautiful girl, Ruby. She was conceived naturally, born calmly. She is funny, sassy, gorgeous, loving, curious, independent and just an all round amazing little lady. I am SOOOOOOOOOOO blessed that she never asks for a sibling. She honestly doesn't appear to give a crap. She chats away about her friends siblings, just as she chatters away about people/what's going on etc, she really is such a cutie. The other day she was asking me about heaven, where it is and what it is. I said, "well love, heaven is where ever you want it to be. What ever you want it to be. where do you feel happiest and safest?". She looked at me, smiled and said "with you mum".

I really feel the issues for me are less about providing a sibling for Ruby (as she seems so happy and absoloutely confident and happy with her little life) - no, for me the issue is with feeling like a great big lump of a failure. I'm constantly scanning - how many car seats in that car? How old is that child in relation to their sibling? It's cripplying and it makes me feel like a bitter cow. I don;t want to be that.

So, after the meltdown we have decided to jack in IVF. If it happens naturally it happens. If not - life WILL BE OK.

My focus now is on giving Ruby a GREAT life. Operation give her the best childhood ever.

Shall we share some tips on how to provide this for our *unique children* (I've decided 'only' children is too depressing. I prefer unique. My sister in law, when she had her daughter who has downs, refused to call it down syndrome. She calls it "UP syndrome"!!!!)

MY TIPS SO FAR:

1) make their play dates UNBELIEVABLY GOOD FUN. Last week Ruby had a little pal round for the afternoon. I rolled around on the floor with them. I chased them round the island in our kitchen, got on the trampoline..... make cup cakes.... had a food fight. 

2) Be honest. about a year ago, we were in the car. Ruby was chatting about a friends baby brother. I said, "would u like a baby brother?". She said "yes"... I said "Well, let's ask baby jesus for one. OK? If we get it - brilliant!! If not, Oh well love, we can;t have everything that we want". Children respond best to honesty... so I've been told!

3) DON;T OVER ANALYSE. Recently, I was leaving my best friends house (ruby and I had been for dinner). She has 4 kids. Ruby was crying "I don't wan to leave".. I was getting all hassled and upset... projecting that she didn;t want to leave becuase she has no siblings at home. My friend, (who I have known since I was 4) said "Jo, listen to me. Children will always cry about what they want/don't want.... Emily (her youngest) cries leaving playdates - despite the fact that she has 3 siblings at home!!!!. Her point, a VERY helpful one, was DO NOT allow what our children get upset about allow us to constantly think its because they have no siblings. It could just as easily be because they want red M&M's as opposed to blue ones.

I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear more tips for parenting our unique little bundles of joy!!!!!!!!

Love to you all,

Rubster xxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Rubster - bless you hun - after reading your post I love your little girl too - what a sweet thing for your daughter to say....my daughter was born in Feb 10 too !!  

The only other advice I could possibly offer is treasure this time with your unique daughter - they're not young for long, (they'll be off to big school come September) and there is soo much we as Mums can 'get away with' at this age.....I might be the oldest Mam in the park - but I can guarantee I'm first on the slide and swings!  My daughter is my love, my life, and my bestest little friend. 

We enjoy play dates too - but working full-time I enjoy spending girly time together - watching Disney movies, painting nails, baking, painting and crafts....we do gardening and housework together and as a family - family time is special to us, as hubby works shifts....so we make the most of day trips, weekends away and whatever we fancy.

It's soo easy to get hung up on the quest for a sibling - I was in a bit of a state before I got my little op rendering me fully infertile (not that I was very successful in that department anyway!) - I am just enjoying every minute of being a Mam.

My Mother in Law is having hip replacement surgery later this week, and she'll be staying with us for ease of care - and I'm just soo excited at the prospect of getting my little one ready for nursery school, dropping her off and picking her up again - simple pleasures!

Sheila


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Sheila,

Wow, I just read your diary (quickly skimmed!) - so lovely!!!it's so funny to read about your journeys - which was at more or less the same time as min..... I was in Liberia during the 2WW on a work trip listening to child protection issues in a slum in monrovia. At one point, I just thought to myself "I'm done. I can't listen to this". Little did I know that was the beginning of burn out....  

Seems like SUCH a long time ago that we were pg! It's good to remember the fabulousness of those BFP days (daze!)... I love looking back at me labour pics (36 hours, first 15 in a pool!). It's so special. Sometimes I think I have been chasing that high, especially since I have been dealing with depression and post traumatic stress disorder after Ruby's birth. Time to move on though. 

Yes, I totally agree the best thing now is to move on and love ruby and love being with her. She really is such a special little gem (no pun intended on her name!!!!!)... I don't want to wake up in ten years and think "what happened" (listen to ABBA's "slipping through my fingers". Tear jerk ALERT!). 

I have to say, I am so happy that we can enjoy all the girlie stuff together  

Thanks a lot for your post

Rubster xxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Rubster hun if you have suffered from Depression or PTSD - you need to to love yourself - we are our own worst enemies - we put soo much pressure on ourselves....it's probably harder for you listening to child protection issues when all you probably want to do is take the child out of a situation.  
It's clear that your daughter adores you - so you're doing a fabulous job..... just be kinder to yourself - here's a great tip I read somewhere : rather than look at yourself in the mirror, look at yourself through your daughters eyes - what does she see, if you're anything like me, she doesn't see the wrinkles or the crooked nose or less than perfect teeth, she doesn't see the large bottom and the wobbly legs...and she actually loves my big tummy.  My bingo wings give her the best cuddles in the world - I have my imperfections (as does everyone else) but to Hannah, I am perfect and beautiful because I'm her Mam.  

 
Sheila


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Rubster, read you posts, think theres no easy way to move on, apart from loving our special children to bits and feeling truly blessed that we are the lucky ones to thousands to have managed to have a child at all, it totally amazes me, how I ever managed to have one at all....Hope you had a lovely mothers day.

Sheliaweb, hope you had a lovely mothers day too.

My mothers day started with a bit of a meltdown, as for the first time in my life, my AF was late normally a regular 25 day girl, and this month 30, obviously I got my hopes up, although it would have been a blooming miracle to have conceived naturally, but still hope for that miracle, but what a day for it to arrive....I personally think this could be the start of menopause as I know im all set for an early one with low ovarian reserve, but this late one, stirred feelings I thought id got over, ( well more swept under the carpet), anyway pulled myself kind of together, and enjoyed my day with my beautiful 13 year old daughter., feeling blessed . xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

OOh Angela - mother nature can be a cruel cruel biatch !!  But glad you were able to enjoy your special day - I didn't manage breakfast in bed, and didn't get wined and dined - but we got Mother in Law out of hospital - so we were all happy.... to me every day is Mothers Day - x

Hugs all round
Sheila


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi ladies

Angela so sorry mother nature was so cruel.... i went to 35 days once and was practically online on isabella oliver, when af arrived 

I think that's what I fear- the hoping every month, "maybe this month", we've all heard those bloody stories about people giving up IVF and then getting pg. god I would love to hear a million "I told you so"'s!!!!!!!!!

Sheila I know, dreadful.... Post traumatic stress, depression, bereavement.... And IVF. Not a combination I would recommend. I feel strangely relieved.... Notwithstanding the constant glimmer of hope syndrome described above, I feel ok about finishing treatment. I think the anticipation was worse than the reality. Saying that, I still get a bolt in my stomach and think "that's it, the dream is over". It's still early days, I hope it will pass

R xxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Rubster I don't think it ever truly passes,  the urge for more beautiful babies - but it does get easier. I had a thermal ablation done last year - and I was in a right state for a few months I couldn't watch baby adverts or even the clearblue ovulation adverts without bursting into tears.  But I just had to get my 'rational head on'.... I was 43, can't have sex because it's too painful, hubby has a zero count anyway - and having moved to a larger house, there was no way we could commit to further icsi treatment with the added cost of a theatre/staff/ anaesthetic etc for egg collection.... I just had to thank my lucky stars that my dream had come true - where lots of personal friends had tried and failed.  It's still hard to get your head round x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Thanks Sheilaweb, glad you had a lovely mothers day and mum in law home from hospital, great news. x

Thanks rubster, quite agree we all hear these stories, and live in hope. 

and agree with Sheilaweb, the urge never truly passes, some days are good days some days are not, I do find its the silliest of things that opens the flood gates, and things people say without meaning to hurt, but inside your heart is breaking, and unless you have been through all this, nobody understands xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

I think as well Angela - when you have your beautiful one in your arms, everyone assumes that's you done - but (apart from the worry of being pregnant with fibroids) I had a wonderful pregnancy, I loved my belly - and had an absolutely joyful c-section delivery - why the hell would I not want to do it all again.

What annoys me, dunno how you feel ladies.... I get a strong urge to slap women who have a child and say they can't face going through it all again - arrggghhhh.

Ignore me girls - I'm just having a thoroughly crap day !!! 

Still, hometime now - and cuddles off my little treasurepot x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Yes quite agree sheilaweb, I sailed through  pregnancy until the last 2 weeks, but for me I'd like to do it all again, to enjoy it more, as I'd miscarried twins before, and wouldn't allow myself to bond with my bump, I say to this day, it was almost as if someone gave me the baby and I didn't actually go through it at all, plus had crap now ex husband at the time, and really went through it alone, and would like to be spoilt and pampered and wrapped in cotton wool for 9 months from my wonderful hubby now, plus I know he'd make the most fantastic father and already is to my daughter. 
totally agree I want to slap people who say they can't face going through it again, what we'd give to be in their shoes and have a choice..

sorry went on a bit, I could go on but I won't ..lol 

and what we are here for to vent, sometimes it helps. 

My daughter is getting a tad too big for cuddles, more into boyfriends at the minute, who'd have a teenager...lol , but have my 2 year old nephew staying tonight and having him for the day tomorrow, can't wait to do all the things I miss doing, pushing a pram, feed the ducks, silly things, and of course lots of cuddles. xx


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi

Hi ladies,

The only way I can get through life now I think is to be grateful for what I have! We are making loads of friends in the new estate we have moved into - I know the other mums probably think I have the life of riley - as we live in probably one of the nicest/biggest houses (even tho we only have 1!!) and I am a part time student/part time stay home mum who they see going out in her running gear as I drop Ruby to school! They probably think all I do every day is run and study and take care of ruby. Well, that's actually kind of true so I should be grateful I have my health, a lovely life, a beautiful daughter, am on my way to a new and very fulfilling career..... hopefully one day Dh and I will also have our marriage back on track. That was the thing that took a major hit through all this. 

Here's another question. Holidays. Do you go as a family of 3, or do you go with friends who also have children??

R xxx


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

We go on holiday with my parents, but we usually do tbh - they live abroad for part of the year so we go see them and it's an opportunity to catch up with friends and family out there too. We are thinking of going away with another family though who have 2 LOs (1 is DS's best buddy   )


we have just decided to get married. we've been engaged 9 years but decided to have children first seeing as we needed tx we spent the money on that instead. It's kind of a milestone deciding to actually get hitched, kind of a marker that we won't have any more children and our family is complete. We're also (fingers crossed) moving into a 'forever' home that only has enough room for 1 child. All things I'm (very!) happy about but it's made me quite reflective over the last few days....


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Rubster, we always go on holidays as a family of 3 - we can't afford holidays abroad, but we have a great family summer holiday and quite a few weekends away over the course of the year.

Sadly I only have my Dad these days - and he's on a constant holiday with his lady friend, and my in-laws just don't do holidays at all  - my sister goes on holidays in huge groups and have invited us, but money is just too tight for us at the mo - we moved into a much larger family home, it's just a 3 bed semi, but it's our forever home now and (apart from a recent influx of rats!) it's blissfull.

Sadly by the time I got be be a Mammy myself, a lot of my friends were becoming Nannas....but I drifted from old school friends when they became pregnant and had their families, it was just too painful at the time.

Sheila


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

We've generally been on holidays of 3, have been with inlaws toothough  including hubbys bros and sis in laws and nephews, and planning a get together like that again next year , these days for us my DD doesnt want to come on holiday (shes 13), we are going away to Cambridge this weekend with friends, a belated 40th birthday celebration for me and an early 50th birthday celebration for bestie, it will be 1st time i've left DD for more than one night, it will be nice to have quality  time with Dh, but will also worry about DD.


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Hey, 


Rubster I've just got back from a weekend away just the 3 of us. Was lovely but sometimes I did think it would be lovely if ds had someone to play with. I've been away with my sister and her kids before but they are 18, 16 and 12 so quite a bit older than ds. 


I am 50/50 on how I am with not having anymore children. I'm ok for a while and think I'm over the worst and then someone gets preg/has a baby and the feelings appear again. The other day my ds said something that pulled on my heart. We were watching Rio and the little boy on there lives on a roof. DS asked why so I explained that he had no mummy and daddy and we said how sad he must feel. DS went on to say 'if he came out of the telly he would have a brother' I replied 'Would he?' and he said 'yes I would be his brother and he wouldn't be alone anymore'.   was so sweet. I think that is what I find the hardest, not me not having another child but DS not being a big brother. 


Angela good luck with leaving DD, I'm sure she'll be fine and you'll have a fab time. I had never left DS overnight at all until recently when he had a sleepover at a friends. Was worried all night. 


Kandykane congratulations on the wedding    Have you set a date yet? DH (to be) and I have been together for 12 years, engaged for 5 and no nearer to setting a date. It all costs so much. 


Hi Shelia and anyone else I've missed. Sorry I missed a big chunk of the conversation. 


Take care xxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi all, we had an amazing weekend away a great chance to be adults again .... Feel we are doing things in reserve .. Lol that this is our dating time as DD was then coming up to 6 when I met DH so we were full on into being a family , and now DD being 13 she doesn't want to come anywhere with us .. Lol it certainly recharged the batteries , ready for our 2 nd road trip today to take poorly pooch to specialist in Newmarket ... No rest for the wicked ... Lol 

Cherry tree I'm so 50/50 like you  just coping with it all then bang feelings all kick off again, if only we had a choice and could all get pregnant in a flash like thousands of others .....


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi all,

I went to the first coffee morning in my new estate this morning. As predicted, all the other mums have 2,3 4 kids. Hmmm. I felt a bit weird, I felt a little left out, a bit conspicuous. One of the mums who lives 2 doors up from me has a 3 yr old and 6 month twins. She kept saying how it was all so busy (as she sat there alone having left them behind with child minder!!!)..... "never do twins" she kept saying. She is very nice, of course has no clue about my personal situation so she's just being.....well, normal?!??!. Who thinks "I better not say anything just in case".....I look a lot younger than 41 (thanks to my mother's Spanish genes!!) so they probably all think the next one is just around the corner, cos that's what happens. Right?!?!?!

Wrong 

R xxx


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

Rubster    all of my friends have at least two and my closet friends all have a second child the same age so I often feel left out because they arrange things etc x


Angela I'm pleased to hear the weekend went well hun. What is wrong with your pooch? x


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Cherry tree,

I worry that people (other friends with children) won't want to arrange play dates with us, as we only have 1 child and their other children won't have anyone to play with. I'm not imagining this! I have often heard people say "Oh we love to arrange to go over to such and such's house, all our kids are the same age so everyone is happy!". It makes me feel v sad......

R xxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Cherry tree , long story but poppy ( pooch) keeps bleeding thought it was extra long season but she was emergency spade in feb to rule that one out, had weeks and weeks of antibiotic for water infection she's fine on the antibiotics but as soon as they finish she's back bleeding again, we left her at Newmarket yesterday and picking up tomorrow at the earliest, so far they have found severe infection( we knew this already and had been without medication for 10 days due to appt ) her bladder wall is extremely thick and tubes to bladder etc are abnormal not sure what it all means yet, but they are performing dye tests this afternoon, and updating me this evening x


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