# Support group?



## Babytears (Jan 16, 2011)

Does anybody know of any support groups?! I live in Essex, Epping forest way. If not I'm thinking of forming one 'childless mums' surely it has to help to meet others in this desperate and lonely state. It can only be a comfort. Have any of you out there met up and found it helps? I feel I'm searching for others in my situation. Im looking at people along the high street with there partners around my age with no kids and watching to see if theyre happy. How sad it that. I really need to get another job ad being a nanny is bloody tough. I just see happy families around me all the time. I have absolutely no idea of what to do and now is not the time for a career change as have to pay off infertility bills and a high mortgage. I just want to be at home with no boss. Anyone have any ideas?!

Having a tough day x


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## Libran (Dec 15, 2009)

Hi Babytears
It's so tough isn't it ?!!  I'm sorry you're having such a bad day.  I live just over the border from Essex in Cambs, if that is any use to you.
I totally empathize with your desire to seek out others in the same boat.  IF is marginalising, and it can make for a very lonely existence, unless we all reach out and support each other.  I too have the dreadful habit of constantly "judging" my life against what I perceive to be the perfect lives of my friends and peer group, with their perfect 2.4 children.  Of course, my life always falls way short by comparison.  However, the truth is that NOBODY leads a perfect life.  I have the greatest respect for you, continuing your career as a nanny (not sure that I could do that).  You clearly have far greater inner strength than you realise, and for this reason, I KNOW that however bad you feel today, you will come through the other side and on to better times and sunshine ahead.
PM me if you need to chat.
Love to Sam, Starbaby, Pinkpig, Rowan, Debs, Koalabear and all the other ladies who post on these threads (don't mean to miss anyone out).  Keep posting everyone.  You are all truly wonderful people XX


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## Sam1971 (Oct 23, 2010)

Hi Babytears and Libran

I'm in the Nottingham area so not  close enough huni. Sorry .

I did ask my doctor about support groups as i think that would be fantastic to get together with women/men in the same situation who can understand exactly how you feel over a coffee but she said that the majority of them had just stopped due to lack of funding or with the nature of the situation being so sensitive a group woul form and then one or more of the ladies would become pregnant and leave the group and then they just dwindle out  
I know what you mean by searching for others in the same situation because i feel i do that all the time. Looking at couples on the street without children in tow and assuming that they don't have them whilst scruitinising them to see if they seem happy with their life/each other  The same with celebrities on Tv if i know they don't have kids. Why don't they have them? Is it by choice or one of lifes cruel blows?Are they happy without them? How do they cope and so on and so on and so on  Big    to you huni you are not alone in these feelings. I am going to post again re a meet up in my area as i really do think it would be lovely to come together with people who can truly understand. Wishiong you lots of luck and success with starting it up in your area 

Libran-love to you too huni  I hope you are okay. And you are right nobody has a perfect life but i guess we just see our friends lives with children as being just that.

Speak soon
Much love
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Babytears (Jan 16, 2011)

Hi just checking in. Thanks for replying girls!! Have to run off to work but will reply a bit later!!

Xx


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## Babytears (Jan 16, 2011)

thanks libran and sam,

your right of course nobody has a perfect life but some people do seem to glide through better than others. of course there are people in a much worse state that my sorry self!!! i am having a better day today though, after my cry  i spoke to a counsellor and she said she will let me know if bourn hall get a support group together as there was talk of that. the thing is no disrespect to ttcers but i dont want to hear anymore about the struggle of ivf/icsi, been there done that and need to move on. obviously i sympathise but i really need to be in a support group with others that have to 'move on?' i really dont know what the correct term is to use. my counsellor was really nice but she didnt really help. she went through 9 years of ttc but with success at the end. only others in our position understand.

i have had a couple of lovely ladies pm which is brilliant!! thank you soooo much. ill wait to see if i get a few more then i will arrange a meet if not ill meet any one of you libran!! it just goes to show sam that we really are in the minority out there arent we and a shame so far apart.

just to let you know you should all meet me because as soon as you do you will fall pg!! everyone always does!!! im happy for them all though.

love to all,
going for cuddles with my pooch xx


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## Sam1971 (Oct 23, 2010)

Morning Babytears and Libran.

Hope you are both okay 

I know what you mean about cuddles with your pooch . I know it doesnt replace a baby of our own but where would we be without their unconditional love eh?

Hope you both have some nice things planned for this weekend.

Much love always

Sam xxxx


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## Libran (Dec 15, 2009)

Hi Sam and Babytears
 to you both.
My pooch - a Jack Russell called Alfie - is the light of my life.  I know that he can never "replace" the child I will never have, but he does provide a fantastic outlet for nurturing and offers total, unconditional love (even when I'm behaving my worst !).  
Because of geography, we may not be able to have a "face-to-face" support group, but we can certainly have an on-line support group.
Maybe we should come up with a different topic for discussion each week ?
Plans for the weekend:  working on Saturday and going to visit my mother in law on Sunday / Monday.  
Keep strong XXX


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## sammij (Nov 9, 2005)

hey ladies

don't wan't to read & run - PM'd you babytears a while ago - how you doin?

am having very good and very bad days - good days have been with friends, enjoying a meal and a drink and having lazy sundays, which you can't do with kiddies
bad days - feeling so down and sad and not knowing why -then BAM hits you like a ton of bricks - thinking of the future has started to really get to me, the thoughts that go through your head somedays is enough to send anyone doolally!!

moog - hun lots of   - yes it does get better, but does it ever heal, the down feeling -am not sure?  am 4 months after my final BFN and knowing i will never have my own baby is hard, so very hard.

but decisions to be made - we have booked to go to an Adoption info evenign at our local authority - hubby is very very excited about it - i almost feel like i can't get excited, i guess too many years of ivf promises & failures has taken its toll.

nice to 'chat' - hope you're all ok

xx


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## Babytears (Jan 16, 2011)

hi girls!!

sorry i havent posted i have been working very long hours boo!! the 16 year old i look after has left school so i have to entertain him from 7:30am until 7:00pm!! boy is it trying. he doesnt need me all that time. we both know that but with his career driven parents working all hours they need me to ease their guilt. they dont come back until late evening either. must not moan, as least i have a job. i also work sundays as a receptionist to help pay the infertility bills. my time is busy but my mind is not. 

hi moog   sorry to hear you have had to join our thread. we do understand. it is clear we all go through the same emotions so just go with them. as sammy says good days, bad days. bad moments in good days xx

my 2nd af just arrived late after my last ivf and i was sooo pmt my poor oh got it big time. i was irritable and angry but when i had a cry i felt much better. my ivf neighbour who is now pg asked myself and my oh to go out for a drink. yeah right like a want to sit infront of a pg women. i text her to say it wouldnt be fair on her or me as i cannot share in her happiness when i feel so devastated. she said she totally understands how i feel. sure she does. ha do i sound bitter?! o well a little between us. 

sammyj i pmed you back hun! it was on my iphone so im thinking it may have timed out sending it?! how annoying! it was long to! probably why it timed out. i will make sure i write messages on my lap top rather than my phone. your good days sound fun! i need some fun. i went to a works party (i work at a car dealership on sundays). one of the sales guys. it was a nice change to go out but i still felt i wasnt being myself. ill get there no doubt.

we received a letter from the fostering agency we are going to go through, to say we will be put on a skills to foster course september time, so looking forward to that. our house is such a mess though as we bought it as a wreck. the credit cards are maxed out but we need windows, plastering and electrics sorted before we can foster. im thinking we have 9 months to get it sorted. there something to focus on so god knows how im going to afford a social life. hey ho.

im going to stop now as im rabbling on. 

libran topic idea - how about 'our next steps forward'? mine as ive said is to get our house to a liveable state to foster (if we get accepted of course). sammyj i know yours is adoption. maybe we can help each other with suggestions to move forward, even if its the tinyist of steps.

im stopping now! have to pick the teenagers up i look after. mmm im thinking choc stop xxx

i


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