# Overwhelmed with maternal desire



## leahst (Mar 4, 2013)

Hello,

I'm sure many similar posts already exist around this topic but I wanted to express my despair anyway in the hope of some advice and support.

My partner and I have been trying for four years to have a baby, and started the process of getting IVF last year. Our relationship has more of less broken down so the chance of me getting pregnant in the near future is remote. For years I have wanted a child, and my friends, even at university said what a "mamma" I was. I am now 34 and this desire to have a child has become obsessive. When I hold someone's baby, I totally lose all awareness of anyone else. In cafes, if I see a baby, I can look at nothing else. At work when colleagues recount stories of their children, I want to cry. I imagine myself pregnant or breastfeeding, or getting up 4 times in a night, skin-skin, having a toddler, coping with several children, and so on. 

Until recently, none of my friends had children, or shared my desire to have children so although I felt alone, I sort of just got on with it. However in the last couple of years friends have started to have children and this has exacerbated the sense of loss I feel. My best friend is now pregnant and whilst I'm over the moon for her, I am gutted it's not me.

I have considered adoption and fostering but feel that my desire to have my own child is too overwhelming at the moment. 

I don't really know what anyone can say or do, but if you feel similar, it would be good to hear from you. I feel totally stuck and know that this obsession isn't healthy.

Leah


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

hi    I don't have a magic wand for you but I didn't want to read and run honey   


My school friends used to tease me about being so motherly, joked I'd have a tribe of kids by the time we were 30. Well, aged 34 I finally had my one and only miracle child. I understand how much infertility hurts, it's pretty much the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, I understand how it hurts each time someone else gets pregnant, how wounded, broken and desperate it can make you feel and how it takes over your life.


Infertility is *such* a hard thing to deal with an no-one really understands until they've been through it. Have you thought about getting some counselling? Might help you with both the relationship issue and the living hell that is infertility!


I hope you don't mind me replying given that I have been lucky, but I wanted to give you some moral support


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## flowerfaery (Apr 26, 2012)

It may not be the right path for you but it is possible to have a child on your own, just check out the single women board for examples of those going it alone.  If your relationship is at an end, make sure you take time to grieve for it, but please don't think that the rest of your life is over because there are so many possibilities out there for you.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Flower


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

the worst part is when you get so old even the people who swore they'd never have kids have somehow got them. 
i used to be so good with babies and young children but i got to the stage i just had to avoid them. i imagine myself parenting all the time, it is easy to imagine, and compelling, an idea i can't let go. but i can't imagine what my babies are like, and that scares me.


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