# Anyone though of fostering/adopting after failed IVF/conception



## tams1981

Hi ladies, 

Anyone considered fostering/adopting? Or have been through the process. We are mostly looking at fostering but there seems to be less information on this.

I thought of it before now and wish I'd started the process before now.

Does anyone have experiences to share on this? 

xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY

We adopted our amazing daughter after 3 ivf attempts it is the proudest thing i have ever done. its a journey but for us was smooth and so much easier than the stresses of ivf that


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## Gemstone21

Hi,
DP and i were discussing together this week. We looked on line but it all seems very confusing (Foster carer), doesn't give you any clue and where to start!

So we looked into adopting and the waiting list is unbelievably long......i mean years!!! All these babies needing love and they have to wait years.....poor little things, it shocked me. Ive heard that the Government are trying to get the adoption waiting list shortend, i really hope they do.

Sorry, this doesn't really answer your question. Just wanted to rant about how annoyingly hard it is lol.

But if i find an easy way into this i will let you know asap. 

Good luck xx


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## tams1981

Thanks aaa I was worried about adopting just because I wonder if I could love anyone as much as my own child. I'm sure a bond would grow but I worry for the child not for myself that I couldn't love them enough if you know what I mean. 

aaa do you mind me asking how old was your little girl when you adopted? And does bio family have any contact?

Gemstone21 sorry for your recent loss   

I've contacted my local authority and an agency that is supposed to match you up with best agency for your needs. But I may read through some in area today as it looks like they specialise in different types. For example one agency covers placements for sibling foster children.

xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Bubba was 12 and 1/2 months old when she came home. She should have been with us at 8-9 months but sadly my fil died and we had to have a 3month stop on process. We couldn't possibly love her more than we do. She is idealized by all everyone. I can honestly say the day we heard all about her and then saw her photo we were in love and i was a mummy. We have yearly letter box contact with bm last year we didn't get a letter for bubba but we wrote one to her. We also met birth mum in June last year bubba didn't come. It was really hard but we were both glad we did because things were so much clearer.


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## tams1981

Sorry about your fil.

Wow sounds good. Im really glad it worked out for you.

I haven't said anything to my family but they were supportive with ivf so I hoped they feel the same. 

Thanks for sharing its good to know this detail to make an informed decision xx


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## Suzie

Tams I have been a foster carer and adopter since giving up tx.

My sons came to me as foster children and for many reasons never left  and we adopted them. My eldest is now 7 and he arrived the week before he was 2 and my youngest jsut turned three and came the day he was born.

Were you thinking of fostering long or short term? As they are very different.

We have a great adoption board here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=19.0

xx


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## tams1981

Hi suzie,

That's nice  nice age gap and nice ages to have them. Ideally that's what I'd like to do. I think I may have read else where on forum about your journey as I recognise your signature.

The more I think about the more I'm thinking maybe this is the path for me.

I was hoping for long term foster care as I wanted least disruption for my son. 

But since I've been looking into fostering I'm not sure if I'm more edging towards adoption instead. 

Ideally id like to do what you did and I know this isn't always possible.

I think I need to have a long discussion with dh.

Also just approached subject with my mum and she said there's plenty of children out there that need good homes. So I'm glad I've mentioned it as she may have more time to think about it too. 

Thanks it's good to here the nice positive stories  xx


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## staceysm

Tams,

I had the same thoughts as you and decided to try one more cycle and it worked.

A bit of me does regret not adopting, as I do feel guilty sometimes about the children out there that do need loving homes.  DH didn't really want to adopt, so it would have taken a bit of time to convince him.

I was terrified that I would never love an adopted child the same as my biological son and an adopted child deserves to have the same love and always be treated the same.  I do know of a family where there were adopted and biological children and I know that the adopted children felt that the biological child was favoured and treated differently to them.  I know obviously this is isn't the case for everyone though.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

X


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## Loopylou41

Hi tams1981

We are in a similar position.  You can see from my signature our situation.  We are having a hysteroscopy in a couple of weeks to see if there is any hope of us using our donor egg embryos but if not we are looking at adoption.  We have talked a lot about it and have 2 friends who have been through the process. Incidentally one of them is American, he got so frustrated with our system he went back to America to live and adopted in 5 months.  A much better system over there.

I worry also about the hole biological child vs adopted child scenario, especially as our DD has additional needs.  But, I think in families where they have 2 biological children, there is sometimes an obvious favourite and so I hope that we would be very aware of this and ensure we do not treat either child differently.

We have made enquiries and will be discussing this further after my hysteroscopy which is booked for 16th April.  Have you seen there is an Adoption/Fostering forum on here, may be worth posting there too.

xxxx


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## tams1981

Thanks ladies for your replies.

Congrats staceysm on your bfp 

Iknapp- very good point about people treating their biological children different. Hadn't thought of that.  

We are thinking of going down the fostering route now. We are going to start our application in a few months.

xx


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