# Please help !!!



## luckystars (Mar 16, 2007)

Hi 

I sorry if this is the wrong place to put this post I'm not sure where to go ??

My husband and I had IVF ( icsi egg sharing ) and our daughter will be 1 in Feb. She is everything Ive ever wanted and thats what I'm about to say  maybe selfish, the thing is I don't want her to be an only child. My husband has child from before we was together and never had a problem having him. When we met and we said that we would love to have a child together we tried for ages ( 2 yrs ) and nothing, I thought there was something wrong with me and I said that we should do to see the doctor and ask for some advise. The doctor did test's on us both and a few weeks later they came back and said that my DH had low sperm. We was in shock!! he knows that his other child is his so we don't understand how things could change. His son is only 4 and could not understand why these tests were saying what they did. 

We had a few rows about what to do next I really wanted a child so We went to the Lister hosp and had ICSI..  My daughter was born at 32/33 weeks it was very hard as I she had to stay in hosp for 3 weeks and I came home and had to leave her there   I'm very lucky as she is doing very well and Ive not had any issues.

The problem that I have is that I really want another child and my DH has told me that he has 2 kids now and does NOT want anymore he really means it I have asked him to change his mind but he states there is nothing I can do or say he says NO. I'm not on the pill and will not go back on the pill but we have tried for 2 yrs before we had ICSI and nothing. What am I'm going to do?? has anybody been through this and could offer some advice ?

Thanks for reading 

Luckystars.


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## SWEETCHEEKS (Sep 15, 2005)

hello  

give your husband time, it must be so hard on them. we both have fertility issues, but b4 my was disgnosed his come back as low sperm count and we were devastated.

it must be awful for  them aswell  

My DH has been saying no for a while now (which when i look back im greatful for) and i would never have a child without his go ahead and commitment and support....

But just the other day he said he would love too and i didnt even need to ask  

Your husband may have a change of heart, if i was you i wouldnt put any stress on him and talk and talk and talk... you may just win him round  

Good Luck,

Sweetcheeks xxx


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## SWEETCHEEKS (Sep 15, 2005)

and i see your little girl is so tiny right now... my dh was exactly the same, Drew is 2 years and 2 months now and its took this long to win him round..... keep your chin up ... and enjoy every moment of your little girl for now


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

My DH didn't want any more children & certainly wouldn't entertain any more tx, I wanted to try naturally (we are unexplained so no reason why it wouldn't work) but he said no. I wanted another one within months of having N but it's taken up to 3 or 4 months ago even to get him to try for a little while & see what happened. We did have a big row about it where I explained it wasn't just that I wanted another baby like you want a pair of shoes (sorry don't mean to be flippant) but that I had a deep seated physiological drive to have another child . It was actually affecting my feelings towards him & I was an absolute moo because he denied me something I felt driven to want.I also pointed out that when we met I said that I wanted childREN & that I'd said at the time if he didn't then the relationship wouldn't last

I agree with the others give him time. As he has a child from a previous relationship it's possible to concieve naturally but the odds aren't in your favour unfortunately but as you can see from my sig miracles can happen. You need to respect his decision(as a good friend said to me) but work gently on him & hopefully change his mind, if he doesn't you have may have to decide which you want more.


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## Goldilocks (Sep 20, 2005)

Hi Luckystars, I completely understand how you are feeling.  

(I also completely agree with the things you said to your DH, professor waffle, I said exactly the same to mine). 

My DH had 2 DDs when I met him, but was willing to try for another for me. Like professor waffle, I also had always been open about wanting 'childREN' (i.e. plural), even though he had always flippantly replied "No, only one!". 

I gave him time after our DD was born (18 months), but that only gave him more opportunity to dig his heels in and adopt an entrenched position on the subject. Eventually (cutting a very long story short), I got him to realise that not letting me try again would probably lead to the end of our relationship (we had 7 frozen embies left, so to me, I HAD to give them a chance of life). 

He was really annoyed with me for ages (and continues to be to some extent), but eventually signed the paperwork and came to the clinic for new tests to restart the IVF process. But all the way along he was pretty spiteful, saying nasty and sarcastic things, and I won't deny it was tough. However, I knew that he would never leave me (after one divorce, I know he never wants to go through another), and I knew that I HAD to try again, just one more time. It's incredible how strong a woman's biological drive can be.

Amazingly, after a single embryo transfer in November, I'm now almost 10 weeks pregnant. My DH is not happy still, and I know he won't be very helpful once the baby arrives. But he is now so lovely with our (almost) 2 year old daughter, I know he will eventually accept the situation, and he will definitely love the new child. I do believe eventually we will have a happy family life.

My situation is obviously far from ideal, and I don't suggest you start to push your DH at this stage. You are still young, you still have plenty of time.

But if you REALLY want a second child (you will have to really want one), you need to just hang on in there. My grandma always said to me "Good things come to those who wait", and I really do believe she's right. 

Goldy


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## luckystars (Mar 16, 2007)

Thanks for all your replies.. I'm going through a bad time at the moment and the only thing that makes me smile is my lovely daughter.

Goldilocks - thank u and I'm glad u understand some people don't and maybe I think I should think myself lucky that I have my daughter... Congrats on your pregnancy and I'm glad that u stuck to your guns..... I really do think that this could push me away from him and I really don't want that.

Where we live in a 1 bed flat and we have had our flat on the market for ages does not help and I hope when we move he changes his mind but I'm not so sure I'm also trying not to bring it up but its hard.

I hope all goes well with you and that your husband comes round

Thank you

Julie


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## HJG (Jan 23, 2006)

As you can see from my sign off my DH recently agreed to try again.  We have twin girls who are 2 and he has a DS who is 11.  He felt 3 was enough for anyone but he has now realised that it is really important to me and has agreed to try again naturally.

I hope you can either find some acceptance (easier said than done beleive me!) or that in time he will change his mind.

Regards

HJG


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