# Thinking of trying de at Bourn Hall



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi everyone,

After nearly a year of ttc with no luck, I'm finally starting to face the reality that my eggs are probably past it. I'm finding it hard to abandon the idea of passing on my genetic inheritance, especially as my father is dead and my brother hasn't any kids, either. It feels like the whole line stops with me. I spent most of my thirties and early forties being seriously ill and I'm now left with type 2 diabetes. It seems like this is yet another thing wrong with my body and as my periods are incredibly regular, it's so hard to come to terms with the fact that pg just won't happen. I'm 47. 
How do you get past this stage? We're not rich and of course, there are no guarantees. I just feel I have to try this. I'm also worried about the proceedures involved as I'm even terrified of having a smear test! I am used to having needles stuck in my arm (and elsewhere!), though, so I suppose that's something!  
Any advice gratefully received. I have to say that reading the postings on this forum have helped enormously but I know I'm not reading for the Moving On board yet!

Rowan


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## Ruby24 (Jul 5, 2009)

Rowan,
I can definitely recommend Bourn clinic as I've had IVF there - no luck unfortunately but a wonderful place from my experience.  All the doctors and nurses are very supportive which makes things much easier.
The thought of the treatment terrified me at first but once you've decided you want a baby nothing can be worse than not having one.  The only part I found really difficult is the emotional side but I'd do it 100 times if I knew it would eventually work.
We're now hoping to try with DE but the waiting list at Bourn is about 2 years so we're thinking about going abroad as it's cheaper and waiting times are shorter.  Only down side is donor are anonymous which for us isn't ideal.  Have you thought about going abroad?
Good luck whatever you decide!


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Ruby,

Thanks very much for your reply. I'm glad you had a good experience at Bourn Hall and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. We are going to an Open Day to have a look around the clinic and it certainly looks a pleasant place from its brochure! You're right about the waiting list and that's why we have to get the ball rolling now, really, otherwise I'll be looking at 50 and still no baby!
I have thought of going abroad but there's the issue of expenses with flights, etc and I don't think I could be comfortable with the idea of total anonymity. I am worried about repercussions later on but I can understand why a child would want to know about his or her genetic inheritance. 
After yet another unwanted, painful period I shall be glad when we _can_ get started! What I really can't understand is why does the cycle keep going when the eggs are no good?! 
Good luck if you do decide to go abroad.

Rowan


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## recorder (Jun 14, 2009)

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties.  I am about to turn 40 and have just had a donor egg IVF. Unfortunately it did not work - although technically one has a 'higher' chance with donor eggs because they are likely to come from younger donors, it is still rather a gamble I believe.

I have no eggs so I had no problem whatsoever with the DE idea - you can after all have your husband's child and that is a very very important thing for me.

Also, for me personally, it was VERY EASY to do the drugs.  I know that everyone is different, but if i can reassure you in any way - well, I am the world's WORST hypochondriac, I really am.  BUT, even I could very easily deal with the procedures.  The uterine scans are quick and painless.  The drug I took to donwregulate was one single painless quick injection ... and it had no effects on me whatsoever apart from about 2 mild headaches, a bit like premenstrual headaches that easy went after one paracetamol.  I could go to work as per normal and noticed nothing at all.  When I started the daily tablets to build up the uterine lining, I took 3 / 4 per day.  It was easy and again, I experienced the tiniest bit of nausea, ie about 10 mins (only if i took a tablet without food) and that was it. Easy!  Then, the progesterone pessaries are a bit sticky, but really no big deal whatsoever, just messy, not sore or irritating in any way.  The only thing I got was a little bit of a rash.  Egg transfer is nothing - just about 15 mins and that's it. 

As I said, everyone is different.  But I too was very very nervous but I found everything surprisingly easy.  What was most important to me was that I could continue to go to work and indeed I did do that with no problems at all.  Once I had had the egg transfer I had to take injections to prevent blood clots as a result of the tablets that one takes to build up the uterine lining.  Had you asked me to do injections myself I trully would have fainted on the spot .... but I managed.  One two three adn it's in and out.  I did a few myself, then got my husband to do it and it was easy esp since it was in my thigh (plenty of flab to cushion the needle!!)

Trust your instincts - if it works for you, then you will be giving birth to your husband's genetic child adn that's great.


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Recorder, thanks for your reply.

You have reassured me a lot about the process of having donor egg IVF - thanks!
I'm sorry your first attempt didn't work. Will you be having another go? I have to say that money is another worry and it's taken me some time to persuade my husband to try once. I don't know what we'll do if it doesn't work first time. I'm really hoping it does!
Most of my flab's in my stomach. I don't know if I could stick a needle in that but it is big enough!  
I think we have to have a try. I don't want to be seventy years old, thinking that if I'd only tried donor egg, we might have had a family. Is there anything worse than 'if only'? I don't want to be in that place. 
Does the egg transfer feel uncomfortable?

Rowan


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## looby_520 (Aug 20, 2007)

Hi Rowan,

Sorry to read of your illness and can totally understand your worries and difficulties in 'moving on'. I've had 3 treatments at Bourn Hall and I do highly recommend them, eventhough I have not achieved success yet.  It's a lovely place as you will see on your Open Day, nothing like a clinic, it's like a stately home set in huge grounds and all the staff are very encouraging and reasurring.  If you are starting to contemplate DE then Bourn will strongly recommend you talk to their counsellor who can help you talk through worries and issues, and help you understand the complexities of it, by this I mean the emotional side.  I've never used their counsellor but know of ladies who have and they have found it a useful experience.  

Egg transfer is definately no worse than a smear, but if it's something which terrifies you it's best to talk to the nurses beforehand and they may be able to give you a gentle sedation?  They would rather you are relaxed and happy.

Best of luck
Looby
xxx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Looby,

I didn't know it was possible to be sedated for egg transfer! I'm afraid I am a total wuss when it comes to that part of my body, though I've had so many blood tests and so on that I'm OK with needles! I keep putting off a smear test which is overdue and trying not to think about it! I suppose once you've been through all these IVF proceedures, you get used to it?!
What treatment did you have at Bourn? I'm sorry you haven't been successful yet. 
I doubt if the clinic will let me do anything other than donor egg given my age but there are still issues to deal with. My DH let slip the other day that he wanted a child but he wanted it to be his and mine! The trouble is I just don't know if there are any good eggs left in me, much less if we can catch one! I think we may both need to take up the offer of counselling. 
We will keep trying naturally while waiting, of course. I keep reading the parents' boards and yearning. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I am so broody, unless it's because I'm now finally well enough to try. I never thought I would find babies' feeding problems so interesting!  

Rowanx


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