# New home for daily messages!!!!



## emilycaitlin

Welcome to the daily messages new home!!!

Good Luck to all the secondary IF members!      

      

  
kelway
linchick  
sarylou  
suszy    
keira      
maz      
gabrielle  
Honeyprincess  
TC2          
pip34        
pand        
kazvan      
emmyloupink  
jakesmum      
lainey lou        
kitty                
jo                    
sazz              
drownedgirl      
mrs chaos        
missyb                
Debbie1810          
bel                      
cinders                
clairead                
hollie22  
clairead          
bek
ba
dizzyloo
nanook


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## fabizzy

Can I join you guys


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## *Lollipop*

Just wanted to say welcome to fabizzy, girlies on here are lovely....!

Suszy my friend...hope you are keeping well...thanks for your PM...I know i dont post much on here but you know how it is......so over the moon about yr news....feb 2007, seems such a long way away...that is when we first spoke....hope kelway pops on from time to time....that was the same time teena got her BFP wasnt it and here she is with twin boys...... ...tears of joy not sadness....!

Thought I would just post and let you ladies know what is going on....Ive been reading Mrs Chaos message and I could have posted it myself....also Pand and Lainey....... ...I know what it feels like to be in that big pit...Ive been there for a very long time..although now with a very understanding GP I am getting better I feel...(counselling didnt work for me unfortuantely)...

I have been looking at my journey over the past few years....the tears...the fertility treatment...the alternative therapy and the ongoing surgery..and it does make you think.

I really know where you are coming from Mrs Chaos we have been ttc for nearly 11 years now..and never once in that time have had a positive pregnancy test, there must be a reason for that. I do think now life is trying to tell me something and..now i think God has destined me to have my one and only lovely ds. Im going to do as good a job as i can in doing that and bringing him up to be a good person and all that he can achieve and strive to be...I am afterall very blessed and very lucky to have him... ...he was also born by emergency c-section so he is very, very special.
I think IVF was a process that we needed to do to say to ourselves that we have tried everything in our power to give him a sibling.
Since I also have Endo...i also have to think of quality of life with my family...and it looks like I may be needing surgery again...my endo cons says the fert drugs have accelerated the growth of my endo since my last op...So therefore Ill be going in to be treated again. These Ivf cycles and surgery do have an impact on your home and family life...i want to be there for my ds and not be poorly in years to come because we were trying to give him something that wasnt going to happen anyway. We are also hoping to move abroad in the next year or so and as Ill be working as a nurse..my health will be paramount in the emigration procedure.
I am like a lot of us...and still feel that that miracle can happen..so we will always be ttc until mother nature decides otherwise. We have decided to go to Turkey for our last attempt..( if everything goes ok with the surgery)as we feel this will be a suitable closure to our journey if we are not successful. We are also all going out there so ds will not be messed about again having to stay with friends or getting up extra early for school..etc..

There are a lot of ladies on this website that all have their different journeys and it has really made me look at my situation in the last months...I remember Suszy saying that she would give up all her chances if it meant one of those dear girls on here could experience being a mother...I too feel like that now after  chatting to a lot of people and I really wish them all the very best for the future....

Will pop on now and again to see how you all are...but really needed to get that off my chest and instead of writing it down...Ive posted it instead......

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world...take extra special care every one of you...look after your families and cherish them.......Life is too short afterall............ Gab


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## Mrs Chaos

Hi 
Gabrielle there are quite a few similarities with your journey and mine.
My son was delivered by emergency c-section too, (40+ hr labour, induction, failed ventouse, fetal distress then section) so he is my very special little man...well...not so little he's 5ft 9" now 
I know what you mean also about giving up on our chance to let one of our FFs have the chance to have one instead of us, I've made many special, dear friends on here who I'd give my chance to...to let them achieve their dream 

I don't have any answers on how to really move on and accept life being blessed with our sons  I think it will always be there...and for me especially as mine gets older and increasingly independent (he's been seeing his g/f for 6 months now)  it makes me feel sad that I'm losing him to adult hood way before I am ready to stop being that "needed" mum...if that makes sense.
I said this some time ago...there are many aspects to being a mum, and it is only when they need you more as in to run the bath and wash them, to cut their food up, to dress them and to read that "one more" bedtime story we feel most useful  
I burst with pride at my gorgeous young man, he is just a wonderful, bright, hilariously funny, lad...and although I know he'll always need his mumbo he won't quite need me as much as maybe I "need" him to...if that makes sense? 

I find one of the most difficult aspects in all this (apart from not having a child with my dh) is my son's disappointment/sadness that he hasn't got a sibling too. He would have made the most amazing big brother. He is fab with my 7 yr old nephew and 3 yr old niece, he is so patient, so playful and so loving with them, it compounds my desire and feelings of failure all the more.

Am always here if you fancy a natter Gabrielle  if only to swap stories of when your ds goes through the inevitable phase of aversion to water, soap and cleaning his bedroom  

Take care hun and all the best for the future
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


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## *Lollipop*

Gayn,........just read yr post...cant put what id like to say into words so ill just give a   instead...thankyou for understanding and I really wish all the best for the future for you too...God bless you and your family....Love Gabxxxxxxxx


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## nanook

Gayn

Everything you have said is exactly right and how I feel - I also had an extremeley long labour (3 days), induced, 4/5 epidurals (which didnt work), heart monitor - the works basically and then an emergancy c section due to distress (not surprisingly) and my ds heart rate was falling - been ttc for 5 years now and its just not happening.

Your thread brought tears to my eyes as I feel the same - my ds is 6 and I am holding on to him with all I can as I know time flys so quickly and there will come a time when he is his own man and then what will I do....?!?!? I so wish as well that he had a sibling, and feel so bad for not provining one when I know he would be such a perfect big brother, so proud!

I'm really upset at the moment think Im going through a low stage again cos I feel really down and keep crying and stuff at the slightest thing and its so not fair on anyone.  

Gabrielle I wish you all the best honey and you too Gayn, along with every1 else.

Speak to you all soon ok. x


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## Mrs Chaos

Nanook 
I think we all have those episodes of living in that dark pit and I also believe that we have to allow ourseleves to have that time in there. It's not wallowing in self pity it's a form of grief isn't it 
I never thought when I was 27 yrs old and me and dh started out on our journey... that I'd be here 11 yrs later with those same empty arms and heavy heart 

We've been through some of the most incredibly challenging times both emotionally and physically, and god knows how we emerged from it all in one piece 

I REALLY struggled to stop myself from becoming this possessive  over protective mum to my son as he is just so precious. I still struggle now from time to time, as he's at his g/f a lot, or round his mates, or off training or playing his rugby matches and some evenings the house feel SO empty  
No requests to play cars, play a board game or watch Toy Story until he falls asleep and I carry him up to bed and snuggle him in  I think he could probably pick me up now 

What does get me through it all is seeing his smiley face after he's gone in for a kamikaze tackle in a match and his cheeky "tut tut I'm ok mumbo" glance he gives me, when he (finally) emerges from underneath various bodies...when all I want to do is collapse from my heart failure for the 3rd time cuz he's a bloody lunatic!  That's MY boy! My gorgeous, crazy-ass, popular, completely (like his mumbo) nutter of a son 
I helped to nurture this young man, all those days teaching him to walk, and here is now charging around the rugby field like Johnny Wilkinson not a care or fear in the world.

We have some amazing times together still and he makes me pmsl at some of his humourous anecdotes from school...some of which I'd rather not listen to mind you 

We still chat about not having had a sibling and he says he understands why I can be a bit over protective sometimes and that he doesn't mind really...and he feels lucky in some ways that he gets ALL of my hugs 

We don't need to be told to treasure the fleeting days with our children and I'm sure they'll become living testament to that love, care and devotion as they all grow up into their own person.

Sending huge  to you all
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


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## *Lollipop*

Nanook......hope you feel better soon sweetheart....my emergency c-section was also due to fetal distress after many hours of labour ( my ds hearbeat was also dipping due to lack of oxygen)...but at the end of the day we ended up with a lovely,loving little boy...so I did have a c-section for a reason otherwise i might have not had my gorgeous boy now, there is a very common trend isnt there...
I do also feel bad about the sibling bit as dh would make a lovely big brother and feel i have failed him too, .my counsellor just couldnt understand that, hence why i dont go anymore....anyway I felt like that for a long time and decided to pay my GP a visit..I have been very lucky, he has been very understanding...its really hard to make sense of it all...but its even harder when you are upset all the time...i just kept crying in front of my ds and it wasnt fair on him....do you have an understanding GP, someone you could have a chat too. After all its second IF honey its not as if things are you getting down because of the weather...!!



Anyway....Take extra special care, i wish you all the best......Lots of love to you and your family....catch up with you again.....Gab....


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## *Lollipop*

Gayn, my dear as always you have a way with words... ...look forward to catching up with you again.....Gabxxxx


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## missyb

hi guys!!! how are we today??

there is so much going on on here that i dont know where to start!! we also have a new home too!!! lovely and snuggly xx


mrs chaos... what a lovely post.. bought tears to my eyes... my dd had her very 1st af on saturday.. she was crying her eyes out saying that she wasnt ready for it yet!!! reading your post reminded me of the different periods that they go thru. i have 2 gorgeous dd's but i guess if i dont get my dream i have to be very grateful that i have been blessed with them.. im waffling so i will shut up!!


welcome rachel!! we have been on the 2ww thread 2geva so you know me already!! you will love it on here.. i think you will be a welcomed addition to this thread as you are v funny and caring. xx

hi susie how are you doing hun!! in the nicest possible way i hope you are as sick as a pig and craving pickled beetroot!!!  

hi gabs.. what a lovely and heartfelt post... you sound like a truly lovely person (as all the girls on here do if im honest) i hope that your treatment for your endo goes well and that you do get your bfp.. it will probably happen when you have given up on the idea of it ever happening and you are set on moving abroad... i wish i had a crystal ball for all of us to just put us out of our misery... ive said it so many times before but i just think that if i knew it was never going to happen id just move on.. its the constant monthly torture that drives me insane.


ive had a busy weekend.. last nite col's best friend tom came to stay.. we all had far too much to drink etc and im paying for it today!! my pre-seed came today along with 6 free 10mui hpt's omg   im so going to need a waring from the pee stick police!!! ( i fessed up to dp about the pre-seed sat so a good job too eh?)

hi to cinders, lainey-lou, dizzylou, teena,pand and honeyprincess.. im sorry i didnt answer all of the things that were posted. i know that some of you are down.. i wish i could post you a real hug..i know that for one reason or another alot of us are going through a really c r a p time. all i can say is that we must not give up hope. i am here for you guys as you have been here for me.

love you all.

amanda xx


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## SUSZY

Mrs Chaos, Gab, nanook, pand , lainey samblue - these are all for you especially at the moment 
                   
cinders, missby, honeyprincess, chimer, 
                          
welcome to faitfully and fabrizzy - you have come home
    

dizzy - hope you ok
tc2 lovely to hear from you and welcome to your boys.

Your posts made me     - I so feel for you and so know how you feel although have only been trying for a second for five years!  It really does seem like a common theme, i was nearly three weeks late, waters broke, hospital for day and night, induced for a day and night and the sometime on friday pm (after being admite early hours of WEd am) after a few eipidurals and getting an infection - baby was under distress so they did an emergency c section under a general as my blood was not clotting woke up to no baby and had puss in my womb !!! I know there is a link about this but it does seem strange.  Then had 2 m/c I am just hoping it was my eggs at fault and not something in side.  I was so desperate in the end and concluded it was the age of my eggs that we decided on the route of an egg donor, you know the rest and how blessed I am to have met Ang and for her to have given me this opportunity.  Just giving me this opp has changed my life and of course now i have the amazing bfp I can hardly believe it, yes I have a few niggling fears but I am not going to allow myself to go there after ruining my last few days of negativity before i tested.  I am going to enjoy every mo and just keep praying and hoping.  I cannot hardly believe as i sit here that they are growing inside.  I am so glad that I made the decision re an egg donor and then to have met Angela as you know she is an amazing person. Its something I will never be able to thank her enough for.  Everything you said about your boys is so true and think we all feel that about our kids - you seem to squeeze and hug them all the time, i am partly worried about being able to kiss and cuddle ds as much if i have one or two babies - oh its so hard - i just want you all to have this BFP - I sort of feel guilty for mine, I know you are all so happy for me but i think you know what i mean I just want to share the feeling.
its so hard to keep this amazing news to myself and want to tell everyone but am having to keep it to myself
then I am not sure when or what i am going to say to everyone
take care my lovelies
love
susie


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## cinders35

Mrs Chaos & Gab,
   Your stories have really hit home. The worst thing about ALL this IF for me is the feeling that I have let dd down so badly. But at some point I have to say whats worse, no sibling or a miserable, depressed, grumpy mummy?
I feel so angry and jealous, and not a very nice person anymore.   
My delivery was forceps, I got an infection in my episiotomy wound afterwards. Who knows if this is relevant?
Hi Rachel, sorry I am so mis   Welcome aboard!
Love to all
Cindersxxx


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## SUSZY

Personals

Faithful - good luck and welcome.

Cinders -   Thank you for your lovely comments as ever and I think we all feel the same about FF and the friends we have made on here.  The party souned fun and although it must have been terrible at the time you wrote about the lights fiasco so well and it souned funny!  I hope you Godaughter has recovered.  The lap and dye sounded complicated and sounds like they revealed a few problems which not much fun but at least you have some reasons as it were.  Hope the follow up in Jan goes well and that you are enjoying your two weeks off.  about to post this when i saw yours - I think you are right about the sibling re crying mum as ds still talks about the times i cried because I was upset about the baby and its so hard as we feel so strongly and have been so down and we went one for them as well but you feel guilty when they see you down -not sure what the answer is - hope you feel better soon darling  

Lainey -     thanks so much for your supportive words before I tested and of course you were spot on.  I am so sorry you feel so numb but its quite understandable and wish I  could do something to help you.  I think that you and Pand are the only ones at mo to offer each other the exact support as its so raw for you both.  I am not allowing myself to think of m/c and am going to focus on it being my eggs at fault which I have recitifed by using young Ang's rather than something wrong inside.  At least when you get the results back you will know a little more but its so frustrating that they do nothing until you have had three.
Glad you had a good holiday darling and hope you feel better again soon.

dizzy - how are you coping bet you are very tired - thinking of you  

tc2 - Welcome to Elliot and McKenzie and sorry you have had such a hard time but hope it gets better might have to pick your brains about that one day - bet its hard work.  

moom -   thanks for your lovely message and hope you are ok

missby -  thanks for your lovely messages - good luck as ever

Samblue -   sorry you are feeling so blue - please stay and share and off load we are here for you, you sound very organised with your presents etc.  Good news re the letter for when you save enough money for ivf!

Nanook -     thanks for your congrats and sorry you feel so down too honey - think it effects us all at times and it takes a lot to get out of it.

Gab -     your message made me   and it was so heartfeltly written - it has been such a journey you are right and I do remember back in Feb and I remember feeling very very down and depressed and you helped me.  I am sorry its been such a hard journey for you - sounds like you and Mrs Chaos can offer each other a lot of support at moment now as well.

Pand     darling as ever I am sorry you are still feeling low - its quite understandable and I wish I could do something to help ease the pain, I just hope you get your dream in 08.  As ever I am here for you, I am glad the counselling helped as in you got some good ways to deal with it although I know its frustrating when they tell you what you already know but as long as it helps in some way.

Chimer - how are you??  

Honeyprincess   - i hope you are ok too -come back soon if you feel like it.

emily caitlin - hope you are ok sweetheart

Well I feel fine just a bit more tired than usual and of course happy and over joyed things I had almost forgotten about, it feels weird to think about the future and next summer and I keep saying if this works because part of me still cannot believe my luck.
I so wish we had had more bfps on this thread as we so deserve them.
Take care my girls - I am here for you and am very fond of you all.
Ironically 2 days after my early test I am 4 weeks pregnant - how weird is that - as I have said before no matter what happens in the future I am going to enjoy every single mo.  However just because I have my bfp does not mean I am going to leave you all.
I am here for you.
lots of love
Susie


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## Pand

Hi ladies,

Gaynor, Nanook and Gab - You really made me cry when I read your posts.  My little man is just about to turn five and as you have all said about yours he makes me burst with pride.  A sweet natured, happy, loving and funny little soul he is.  I still enjoy those evenings cuddled up on the sofa watching Robin Hood and smothering him with kisses.  He has just started rugby training and I cannot bear the thought of him playing properly when he is older.  I love rugby but I just won't be able to watch.  It just seems so unfair, that these lovely children, who would be such wonderful brothers and sisters should be denied the company and love of a sibling.  Why is life so unfair?  I don't want my little one to grow up.  I wish he would just stop.  And now that I realise he may be my only one I bitterly regret working so much when he was little. I wished away his early years, always looking forward to the next milestone... when will he crawl, when will he start talking, when will he walk, when will he start school.  And here we are.  It's all passed and I can't get it back and I may never have the chance to feel any of those lovely feelings again.  It utterly breaks my heart.  My mum in law always says your first teaches you how to be a mum and the second one is the one you get to enjoy.  Will we always be denied that joy?  What on earth have any of us done to deserve any of this?  

Suzy - Don't feel guilty hun.  Five years is no mean feat and a lot longer than I have suffered!  You deserve to be happy you really do.  You have shed more than your fair share of tears.  Now is your time.  Enjoy the fact that you have left this nightmare behind and take heart from the fact that you have given so much hope to so many others on this site, including me.  You are a great advert for never giving up, despite the obstacles.  You hang on in there.  I'm sure you don't feel like you can talk about your insecurities or worries about this pregnancy, but we do understand how frightened you must be and we are here to listen whatever.  You are a great friend and have seen most of us through some very difficult times.   How are you feeling?  Have you upchucked yet?

Anyway, we are definitely going to get our new car provided we can sort out a loan!  I'm also spending money like its gone out of fashion as I'm so convinced we won't need it for child care fees!  Spent £60 on a dress for a party on the weekend.  Hell I deserve it!

Am a bit peeved today tho.  My af was supposed to turn up so that I could book us in for IVF.  That would have made day 21 on 16th Dec, the day before ds's birthday.  But of course, it couldn't possibly be that simple could it.  No, when you want the witch to turn up she hides!  Don't go getting excited guys.  My temp indicates that AF is due, she's just going to wait til tomorrow which will make day 21 on ds's birthday, so I will have to drive all the way to Birmingham instead of coming home from work to see him.  See what I mean about life trying to give me a message that I should just give up?  It couldn't possibly go according to plan could it?

Anyway, less of my moaning minnie ness!

Speak soon,

Pand


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## lainey-lou

Oh Pand, you describe it so well.  I kick myself for taking my fertility for granted.  Had I known then what I know now, I would have enjoyed my pregnancy more and savoured every moment of my dd growing up.  Now I feel I have blinked and missed it all.  Also, the IF had made me so depressed and moody I don't feel I enjoy having her nearly as much as I should, so I am not only missing out on her sibling but on her too.  Does that make any sense?  Or am I just  

I didn't go back to work until she was three but I still feel I missed out because I never realised she might be the only one.  Had I known that I would have taken more notice of everything and enjoyed everything so much more.

I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow, hopefully they can tell me more then.

Susie - you shouldn't feel guilty, you deserve this.  I know how you feel though, when I got my BFP I felt guilty too.  It shows how much we all care for each other and worry about each other.  Just know that we are all so pleased for you and looking forward to the scan pics!!  Pand is right, you are bound to wobble every now and then - you must share with us, we will understand  

Mrs Chaos/Gab - 11 years is such a long time.  I don't know how you have found the strength to carry on.  You must both be amazing women.  I heard something the other day that went along the lines of - you shouldn't worry about things you have no control over.  Easy for me to say, but it does make sense.  You have done everything you can to provide your ds with a sibling and the fact that it hasn't happened is out of your control, so not your fault.  It is hard not to feel guilty though, my overriding feeling is of general failure.  Good luck with your journeys.  

Nanook - you normally say so little, it is good to hear you let some of the pain out.  I think we all feel the same on here, it is good to hear other people say what I am thinking, it makes me feel normal    FYI I had an emergency cesaerean too, there is a pattern emerging here!

Cinders - ah honey!  I have texted you.  I know you are having a rough time too at the moment.  Wish I could make it all better    You never know, after the l&d you might be extra fertile - it happened to Pand.  Hope you are feeling less rubbish today.  I am ALWAYS here if you need me (unless I have lost my phone).

Dizzy - how are you doing?  Tired?

TC2 - congrats on the boys.  Love the names.  Hope you are coping ok.

Love to everyone else I have forgotten.

Laineyx


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## missyb

hello ladies!! wot a miserable day today!!! its cold wet and cloudy... definatley stay home weather!! im off of work sick today as i have a sore throat, cant stop sneezing and just generally feel run down... on a brighter note ive been able to have a catch up on here!!  

hi susie.. how are you honey? you always write such lovely posts... im sure you do feel more tired than usual.. you must be so excited... i think it must be hard juggling emotions... like you i'd be wanting to enjoy every second of my bfp and also too scared to!! i wish i had the answer to that one.. all i can say is that you deserve that bfp so enjoy it!!


hi lainey.. hope your hospital appt goes well tomorrow and that you get some answers.

hi pand... sods law isnt it it with af.. when you want her to show up (which lets face it isnt often!!) she doesnt and when you dont want her to she does.. i know that it must feel like these are signs that you should give up but they are not... it is just life and irony.. it will all be worth it hun in the end.. please dont give up hun xx

hi rachel... hope you are ok hun... caught up with you on the 2ww thread.. soz af has arrived hun... we still have time to get a bfp before xmas!! 

hi cinders... how are you hun.. you are such a lovely person hun...the if makes us feel things and be/act in a way which we wouldnt usually...dont give up just yet hun.. you have just had your lap n dye and in jan hopefully you will have some answers.

hi to honeyprincess,gabs,mrschaos, dizzylou,emilycaitlin, and im sorry if ive missed anyone.


lots of love amanda xx


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## emilycaitlin

OMG!!!!!  I've just tested, AF was 5 days late, it's a   !!!!!!  I can't believe it!!!


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

spent ages typing post earlier and then lost it aaggghh. Not got time to say much now as got to go out!  
Pand - thanks for your reply, I live near Kidderminster and am having treatment at the Priory.  how about you?  I gather from what you were saying that you're at the Priory too, if so who are you under?  Really hope your treatment goes well, don't give up.  I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you wished away your ds life when he was a baby, I was exactly the same. I didn't enjoy the baby stage at all, and had a rubbish pregnancy vomited for the entire 9 months, followed by a C section, i think I was just too exhausted to enjoy her by the time she arrived!  If i'd known that I may not have another I would have savoured every moment instead of wishing it away.  But on the positive side, we've still got them now so let's try and make the most of them whilst they're still little.  Also they may not have any sibliings yet but they've got parents who love them more than anything in the world, which is more than a lot of children will ever have.

Anyway, must dash, am making conscious effort to try and think positive as I've been really negative since the Menopur treatment failed a couple of weeks ago.

Faithful


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## MrsRedcap

emilycaitlin said:


> OMG!!!!! I've just tested, AF was 5 days late, it's a  !!!!!! I can't believe it!!!


OMG what a lovely early xmas prezzie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Have a happy and healthy pregnancy hun...Did you have any idea you were pregnant??

Love

Vicki x x x


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## faithfullyhoping

wow congratulations emilycaitlin  that's fab news    Bet you can't believe it!

Faithful


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## *Lollipop*

Emilycaitlin

       ....

Well done.....You clever girl......Enjoy the next 9 months...take care...xxxxx


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## Mrs Chaos

emilycaitlin congrats hun 
Lotsa love 
Gayn
XX


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## missyb

YAY EMILYCAITLIN!!!!!                        

well done you... what a lolvely xmas present!!!

hope you have a healthy 9 mths!!


amanda xx


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## emilycaitlin

Thank you all!!!  I kept having fleeting thoughts that I might be, but didn't want to get my hopes up, as I've done that too many times.  I came out of the bathroom after testing, and it was surreal, dd kept asking me for a straw for her drink, I couldn't even remember where they were!!


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## cinders35

Wow! A natural bfp, well done you!!!
It usually goes in three's doesn't it, OW!!! Who just elbowed me?!   Let me through please!!!!!!!


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## *Lollipop*

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....!........


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## missyb

i'm always in the wrong queue so i know it wont be me!!!!

lolxx


amanda xx


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## Pand

Evening all!

Emilycaitlin - What utterly fantastic news!  Just before your appointment with CARE too!  How wonderful!  You really deserve it.  I hope it all goes really well for you and will watch your progress carefully!  Lots of sticky vibes and fingers crossed for you! .xxxx

Faithful - I live in Droitwich, just down the road from you!  How bizarre!  I am having treatment at the Priory and you will be pleased to hear that's where Suzy had her treatment (successful too!).  I'm under Mr Watts although he's been poorly since the summer and I'm not sure if he's back at work yet.  I booked in today for my cycle and lucky me, cos they are building a new lab, I'm probably going to have to down reg for a week or two longer than normal!  Deep joy!  I'm really sorry the Menopur didn't do the trick for you.  But I will try to take a leaf out of your book and I will try to be more positive!  Perhaps we should meet up at the Priory sometime for coffee and compare notes!  Suzy and I did!

Cinders - well done for putting on a brave face hun.  Have PMd you.

Suzy - love to you flower!  Hope everything is going well.  Keep us updated on here, even though it is tempting to have a break from it, otherwise we will all worry about you!

Missyb - Hi!
Lyndalou - Hope you're ok flower.
Laineylou - have sent you a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGG pm!

Hi to everyone else!

Witch arrived today!  Booked in with the Priory to start IVF.  Not telling many people cos don't want to many questions if it doesn't work.  Day 21 is on 17th Dec (ds' birthday as predicted) but stuff it I've booked an appointment during work hours.  My headteacher will just have to deal with it.  After all I just got an outstanding for her during our OFSTED inspection it's the least she can do!  Going car shopping this weekend too.  B*gger all of this heartache.  I'm going to start living again.  I'm not waiting for my life to start any more!  Shopping here I come.  If I ever do get a BFP be prepared for financial panics!

Speak soon all!

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## Pand

Missyb 

You too?  I always go for the shortest queue and then the till breaks, or they stop to do a float change or they close the till!  Sound familiar?

You still on here?

Pand


----------



## missyb

lol!! that is me all over!! im always in the shortest queue and then the person in front has an item that doesnt register on the till and then they take an age to sort it out.. people in the queue next to me who were way behind me have been servedand are on their way to the car park... it's almost like they have a 6th sense and know im in the wrong bloody queue!! i have no reason to suspect that ttc will be any different for me!!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

yeah and don't you want to just wipe the smiles off their smug little faces, those "other queue" people!!!!!!   
Hope they get shortchanged, ha!

 Hormones??!
Cx


----------



## cinders35

Just out of interest,
I have to write a 500 mini portrait of a character for my course. I must convey a particular mood, and state this mood as the title of my story. I have spent ages scanning through ff. I wasn't going to write about IF as it is supposed to be a "fictional" writing course! But I am short of time, and feel I can use my own experiences well!!! Think my mood may be "desperate." I'll let you know how it goes!
Love Cindersxxx

p.s. stop pushing


----------



## missyb

lol cinders!!

you make me feel normal... i dont mean that rudely.. your just so honest and real... let me know how it goes hun.. where are you in the cd??  


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Not offended, i know I am   !! Does cd mean cycle day?

If you mean cycle day, am day 4.

If you mean compact disc, am in the middle of a jack johnson cd. Mellow...

If you mean crazy day, every day is crazy!

What else can you mean?......


----------



## nanook

Congratulations Emilycaitlin thats fab news, you must be thrilled! 

Thanks for your kind words everyone, it means a lot - hoping I drag myself out of this pit, dosent help that I have recently learnt a friends kiddie (age 11) was killed in a hit and run down the road from me at the weekend, also my friend was stabbed to death at a party a couple of weeks ago (you probably read about it), just makes it all a bit sh*t at the moment..... may go to gp but like to pretend I can cope (!?!)

talk to you all later xxxxxxxx Love to all, as always xx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies... im still feeling snotty & grotty but im taking it very easy!!

omg!!! nanook... how awfull!! i really dont know what to say. to have IF to cope with on top of everything else that you have been thru.. well i dont know how you do it!!! there is no shame in going to the gp and getting some extra help. i know we dont liketo admit to anyone that we arent doing that well.. i think it's better in the long run.. does that make sense take care hun and if you need to pm me for a chat feel free.


hi cinders!! i ment cycle day... your post did make me larf!! good choice with jack johnson btw.. cd could also mean chocolate day?? in which case i am cd2 (kit kat x 2) 

hope everyone is doing well.


amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Nanook...just wanted to send you.....


----------



## missyb

how are you doing gabs did you write to your hospital/consultant after your appalling treatment last time??

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone, 
Nanook hun, blimey...    
So sorry for your friend at the party, that's horrific.
So sorry for the little boy in the hit & run. That happened to a friend of mine when we were 13. His poor parents.  
I hope that something comes along very soon to restore your faith in life itself!  
Hi Missyb, 2 kit kats,   I had big bar of galaxy yesterday  . I didn't even share it!   
My piece on "desperation" is coming along nicely!!!!
Love to all
Cindersxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi cinders... yes i know it's dreadful!! im bored i think thats the prob... if i was feeling well today wouldve been my morning for bodyjam, do some portfolio work (which ive had for nearly a year and not touched and its due in next week yadda yadda) and tidied up and before i know it it's time that the girls are home from school!! but today im snotty, my nose looks like ive nicked it from rudolf.. and i just want to watch bridget jones and eat a bar of dairy milk!!

i think you'll do fab on your writing course hun!! xx


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Cheers again guys

I ate 2 caramel bars today btw - oops!!   x


----------



## lainey-lou

Warning - seriously depressing post!

Firstly, I would like to say congrats to EmilyCaitlin. I hope the next 8 months are trouble free.

This is going to be a very me post I am afraid.

I had my hospital appointment today and it didn't go very well. I had hoped to get some answers but life is never that simple for me.

I apparently had a partial molar pregnancy, which is apparently good news !?! Why? Because he thinks it is a one off and could happen to anyone (great, so again we are being told we are just unlucky). This means that the chances of reoccurence are 2%. It happens because two sperm fertilise the one egg so the baby has 69 chromosomes instead of the usual 46. This is, obviously, not a viable baby and is diagnosed by a larger than expected afterbirth. The placenta apparently goes haywire and starts to have excelerated growth, the roots of the placenta get tangled and the baby gets starved, basically, and dies. This would explain my higher than expected hormone rates and the smaller than expected baby.

I know you will all be saying that this is good news but I just feel it leaves me with no answers again. Why did I have the other two m/c? My consultant did say that technically I had only had two m/c and did not qualify for NHS investigation - this is because this m/c doesn't count (WTF!) towards my running total. He did say he would do tests for antibodies on me and dh anyway. He was lucky, I was about to punch him.

This is all bad enough, but he then told me that we have to stop ttc for at least 6 months because it takes that long for the roots of the placenta to die. It was at this point that I started to blub. I told him that in 6 months i will be heading for 38 and my biological clock is ticking faster and faster. Also, dd will be nearly 5 before we can even start ttc again. I didn't hear much after this as I just sat there blubbing. If I get pg again before then the baby could die as the molar pg could flare up again (I think) 

This means that I can't even decide to opt for donor eggs 'cos my womb is the problem at the moment. 

Why is this happening to me? I have never willfully done anything to hurt other people. I have never broken the law or been in trouble with the police. I think I am a nice person, or at least I used to. Perhaps I was Adolph Hitler or Jack the Ripper in a former life, I must have done something awful to deserve this.

The recurrent m/c unit is mixed with the antenatal unit so I had to sit with heavily pg women waiting for the joy of their scans. I want that.

There was a woman there with her 4th child. She only looked about 22. I was always taught that it was the responsible thing to do to wait until you were settled with the right man and married (no offence meant to anyone who isn't married, each to their own) to have kids. Now I wish I was that 22 year old woman with 4 kids. I would have hated the idea then.

I feel so useless and lonely. Noone really understands. I have a lot of good, reliable friends, who really care and ask all the right questions and leave me alone when I need space but they don't have a clue what I'm going through. 

I haven't really cried until now but today the floodgates have really opened and I just can't stop. I just don't know what to do next. Perhaps we should adopt 

Love to you all, especially Susie - I hope you are ok 

Cinders, Pand, Missyb - thanks for all your support, you make this torture slightly less dreadful.

Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Lainey hun    
Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Great!  Now I have discovered there is a chance the remaining cells can turn cancerous.

Just my luck.

Lainey x


----------



## emilycaitlin

Lainey, I'm sorry you've had all this news, 

Has the cons done the bloods yet, or has he said when you can have them done?


----------



## nanook

Lainey Honey I am so sorry for all this sh*t!!!  Am sending you all the love in the world


----------



## missyb

hi lainey... i have sent you a text... honey i think i said it all in the text but i just wanted to give you a huge cyber hug             


lots of love


amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

lainey...cyber hug from me too................

            ..................take care...Gab...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## chimer

Evenin, sorry i've been a stranger again. I'm like a friggin rollercoaster right now. 

I've been catching up on posts and am sorry to see that loads of us are on a downer. Maybe it's coz Xmas is coming and it's another Xmas when we think, maybe next year............ Not sure about you guys, but I even get upset writing Xmas cards, with just our 3 names on, daft aint i!!

Lainey - OMG, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru hon. I wish I was good with words...........

However, the best thing was to read that Suzsy has a BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After all you've been thru it's fab to read that it's all been worth it, huge congrats to you!!!

And...........emilycaitlin. Congrats to you as well - it's encouraging to read that you've got a natural BFP and gives us hope.

I was doing ok this week (for a change) but then saw a neighbour sporting a bump   That 2 girls in the street pg. I can't escape!!!!

Anyway, before I start going on a moan I'll sign off for now. I hope to be back again soon, but you know how crap I am at posting regular.

Big hugs girls!!

Lou xx


----------



## ~debs~

Hi

Am just passing a message on behalf of Susie  

Susie is having problems with her tinternet at the moment and can't get on to FF  

She just wanted to say hi to everyone and and sends her love    I'm sure she will be back soon to catch up with everyone, can't keep Susie away for too long  

 

Debs xxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Just popping in to send some  

I used to host a 2ndry Chat night some time ago, and was wondering if any of you would like me to hold one again? I know there are a few of us struggling right now and wondered if you'd feel it might help to have a chat together? I can book us a room in the chatroom so it is just us 2ndry ladies 

Let me know, it's nice to be able to offload sometimes with fellow 2ndry girls isn't it 

Love to all
Gayn
XX


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Lovely Ladies  

Thank you all for your messages. You really are a very special and caring bunch of girls 
So many people seem to be so down at the moment. It is just so hard to stay positive at the moment. Bloody weather doesnt help!

We have decided to use up some clomid that we had left over from earlier in the year. Stoped using it after our ist consultation at
the Lister. But instead of playing the waiting game and feeling useless we have decided to use the clomid and have lots of  
and you just never know. We might just get lucky!

Kisses and hugs for anyone who needs them today xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Emily  Congrats on you BFP hon


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Oh Lainey. I cannot believe what you are going through. This is ridiculous. I am angry and frustrated n your behalf, it's just the biggest pair of pant's you ever saw. What happens next? (Apart from the swearing, spitting and stamping your feet     Works for me  ) 
To the rest of you lovely ladies, you really are all such a lovely bunch. 
Chimer, each year when writing out the xmas cards it hurts to still be just the three of us! Like you I keep wondering, next year? Also each birthday dd has, I am reminded (not that I need reminding) that she stil has no brother or sister  .
Also when buying presents for friends with 2 or 3 kids, I think I'm being done here!!! I'm not tight, but it would be only fair if I had twins, even up the present buying  . 
Debs, thanks for the message from Suszy, please send her our love and    . Hope she is not too stressed, or having withdrawl symptoms from ff!!
Dd hungry, better go and check on the tea!
I wouldn't mind a chat room chat Gayn. Good idea. Not sure I would get a word in with this lot though!!   
Love and hope to you all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Lainey - I have PMd you flower.  There just aren't the right words to take away your pain.  I kept wishing someone would say something to make it all go away and they never did.  Just know we are here for you at this very dark time.  It's just so flipping unfair that one person should have so much bad stuff happen to them.  You don't deserve it.  You are a lovely person.   

Cinders - I know exactly what you mean about the Christmas cards!  Here we go again!  Did you bring some batteries for our torch by the way?  Think I worked out what the smell was.... sorry had sprouts last night!

Lyndalou - Good luck with the clomid! Christmas is a great time to get jiggy too!  Fingers crossed for the best Christmas present!


Mrs Chaos - Would love to have a chat room, but every time I try to log into chat I just end up with the a blank screen doing nothing!  Am I doing something wrong?

Chimer - It's awful isn't it?  Just when you think you're doing ok, something happens to take your legs out from under you.  Just imagine sticking pins under their toe nails or something!  It helps me to think evil thoughts!


Right a quick update!  

I know loads of people are feeling really down at the moment, but today I feel bl**dy brilliant!  I went to my works Christmas do last night, wearing my lovely new dress and had an absolute ball!  I got completely plastered, flirted outrageously and played musical chairs which was hysterical!  What a contrast to last year's christmas party, where they put pine nuts in my starter causing me to have a bad reaction and having to go home!  I still feel drunk this morning!  I'm going to have such a hangover later!

AND at 10.30am today I'm going to collect my new car!!!!!!!!!!   Not a practical family car, but a completely impractical Peugeot 206 cc convertible, which cannot fit baby seats!  HURRAH!  Sod all of this misery, stuff FF controlling my life, stuff saving our money just in case we need to cover child care costs next year,  I've spent it all now!  And do you know what!  I feel so liberated!  I'm not putting my life on hold ANY MORE!  I'm going to start living again and enjoying my life.  So there!

We start down regging for IVF on 17th December and if it works it works.  If it doesn't I will have a lovely little convertible to bomb around in!  I haven't felt this happy for an awfully long time!  I think I'm slowly crawling out of my dark pit!

Lots of love to all (esp Suzy when she's back!)

Pand


----------



## cinders35

Pand, thats b l o o d y brilliant!!!!

You must be driving around in it as I type!!! Is it brand new? Has it got that new car smell? I'm so excited for you, weather is lovely here for a convertible day, though it might give you a bad hair day!

You deserve this injection of happiness, and I'm so glad that life is worth living again! But listen, don't leave me down here with that smell, brussels, thanks    I need a foothold. Which way out is it?

Lainey, thinkng about you loads, please keep in touch.  

Suszy, hope everything ok, and your lovely news sinking in.  

Hey to Nanook, Chimer, missyb, Lyndalou and all my other lovlies!!!
Hope the weekend is a good one for you.

Love to all
Cindersxxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Pand, here's a link to problems getting into chat hun, if you need anymore help gimme a shout  http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=15792.0

I'd love for us to have a natter in the chat room, I used to hold the chat night on Thursday evenings but it can be any day as we can have our own room anytime 

So sorry so many of us are feeling down at the moment, I don't think Christmas being around the corner helps does it...the times I've said "next year we'll be holding a baby by the tree" or "next Christmas I'll be pg"  My son was born in March so I was heavily pg the Christmas before and loved it...oh to be that "Christmas pudding" again 
We get through these times as our little or not so little darlings make sure eh 
Supposed to be putting the tree up today but feel a bit crappy myself at the moment so not sure I can get my  in order today.
Hope everyone has a good weekend 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## SUSZY

girls I have so missed you - three days away from FF was hard to handle and i so missed you all.
its good to be back, i said i would not leave you then felt terrible when dh not pay the bill and we cut off
i am back now!
a lot has happened - sorry everyone has been feeling a bit low, I think the whole if thing hits home more around christmas and horrible things always seem to happen - ie one loses people - i know Ang lost her Dad nearly a year ago and come Jan its 10 years for by brother and feel sad for that.  I also think you just realise sometimes how much you want another one for your existing one more than anything


Lainey         I am so sorry darling - it really is pants what you have been through and I really cannot believe what bad luck you have had with your other 2 m/c then the molar preg and all the complications it has caused - i am so sorry darling and am   for you.  I really don't know what you have done darling but bad things seem to happen to nice people and you are extra nice so thats is probably why.  Its one thing wanting answers but then when you get them and they are bloody awlful and so sad and worrying and terrible.  I cannot believe that they wont class it as three m/c to investigate the others - I just wish there was something I could do or say to make it better.    thanks for thinking of me

nanook     I am so sorry to hear all the sad news from you about your friends child and your friend being stabbed to death - it all sounds dreadful on top of the whole IF journey I think a trip to the dr sounds like a good idea and hope they can help.

Pand - thanks for thinking of me as ever - sorry af not arrive on the right day and that its dds birthday but at least you have a date to work towards - 17th Dec is my scan date so perhaps we can meet up again.  I actually had my tx at Bham womens hospital but went to the Priory to meet up with the counsellor. Your post this morning made me smile and I am so glad you had a good night last night, it sounds like fun and I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall and I am smiling imagining you driving around in your new car now which sounds wonderful.  its so nice to hear you sounding happy.  roll on 17th for both of us.  have a good weekend.
lyndalou - good luck with the clommid and just beware of the effect it has on your mood - good luck

chimer - nice to hear from you again, sorry you have been so down its terrible and hope you feel better again soon, yes its hard with the old christmas cards - I started mine during the 2ww and felt the same feelings and I am scared in lots of ways to think about having another name/s next year in case something happens~- don't think we can help it. - worrying I mean.
Cinders - hope that you managed to finish the writing piece and I think your subject matter sounded good.  hope you begin to feel better soon and as the othes say that things start to work for you.  - you and missby do a wonderful double act and you are so funny.

mrs chaos- I think the chat room chat would be good and would love to talk with you all. Even with a bfp the pain of the last four years will never go away and the isolation I have felt and the things I have missed out on will never go away.  I am down today because ds has not been invited to a joint boys bday party and there are 14 boys in the class and he must be one of the only ones not invited, I fell out with one of the mums this time last year not sure over what but I know i was feeling down 

Gab - your appt must be close - let us know how you got on

honeyprincess - hope you are ok

dizzy - how are you - not too tired - would love to hear how you are getting on.

faithfully - we have been to kidderminster for the trains which dh loves - its a lovely place, I go to the priory to have any sessions with the counsellor but had my tx at bham womens hospital.  it would be lovely to meet up with you and pand


emily caitlin  wel done on your  and what excellent news   

lots of love

susie


----------



## nanook

Hi guys,

Pand Im glad youre on a high one at the moment - I hope the feeling lasts for you.  New car sounds fab - thats the one Id love to own (although doubt we'll ever be able to afford a brand new car!)  - bet your really excited about it!!  

Suzy thanks for your kind words (as always). Maybe a trip to the dr would be a good idea - Ill just get Christmas out of the way first though I think and then see how I am.

How special it would be to be able to write 'bump' or another name in cards - I have even started writing the flippin cats names just to make our family sound bigger and the cards look less bare!! 

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend,  and big love to all. xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi Suszy,
Try not to feel too bad about ds not getting the party invite. It's really hard the kids party scene!!
If I were you I would have something really special planned on the party day, coming up to xmas there's loads on. I'm sure you could think of something? If it's at the weekend you could try the snowdome at Tamworth, though not being sure of your location that could be a bit of a trek. We have been the past couple of years, it's great fun, they have "snow play" for the kids. Also do a Santa tour, with a little show, and you get to see reindeer etc.
Just a thought  .
I think it's just the "I won't be beaten" in me!  
Lovely to hear from you again!!! Glad dh has paid the bill!!
Nanook, fab idea about the cats names!!!!
Lainey, worrying about you...   
Cindersxxx


----------



## sarylou

Hello ladies, Hope you remember me lol.  

Firstly Mentions, Lainey I am so sorry to hear of you loss, I know nothing I say will make you feel any less hurt but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. xxx

Everyone else who needs a hug    

Emily Caitlin Huge congrats and Suszy too I believe how fantastic.   

Sorry I havent been on for so long, I am trying to avoid talking or even thinking about ttc at the moment as I still have another 34 weeks before we can    I cant believe we stopped ttc 5 months ago already. They have been 5 very long months. 

Clomid made my cycles haywire after I stopped the 3 cycles and finally this one was a 28 dayer so I hope im back on track again?

Wedding plans are going well and most things have been booked. Ive got my dress  

Cant believe its the 1st of decemeber today, Im hoping xmas comes and goes quickly this yr as its just no longer the same anymore. Im working as much of it as possible. 

Jord is growing up so fast :O( he is 10 next yr and I never imagined a age gap of that big. We are havign a few problems with him at present (autism testing) and we are both seeing a counsellor. 
Other than that life is ok. I miss ttc as I often think what if this cycle may of been it. :O( sorry im waffleing again now. 

Love to all and congrats to those who have had great news recently. xxx


----------



## SUSZY

sarylou - lovely to hear from you again, was wondering what had happened to you but thought you were just taking a break but then I noticed you posting somewhere today.  Your wedding is getting closer!!!!!  hope you are staying around to chat.  your turn will come soon.  Glad counselling is helping you.

cinders - thanks for the kind words - thought the party was today which is why i was getting my knickers in a twist, actually ds is being fine about it and is not bothered about it its just his mum that is having the problem.  Earlier I said who wants to go to a stupid party and he said you do!!!! he knows me so well.  We have been talking about having cinema/disco nights so think I am going to do a couple of those in the next few weeks!!!  I got in a right state about it then we went out and I had a bit of pink in my wee really not sure what that was and a bit of a pain in my tummy which has made me focus on what is important again.  think I am just one of those people who stresses and goes on about something until gets it out of my system as it were- I now think its next weekend and we are doing nice things then - he has another christmas party with the nct and we have a ball and he is at mums and will do lots of nice things.  he is such a happy little boy and is not bothered by stuff like me - not sure where he got his nice nature from that does not let other people spoilt his mood.

nanook - its my pleasure - just wanted  you to know we are here for you and that we have also been through it all, i really found the counsellor helped and was reluctant for anything else as i think it shows on your records and if you were thinking of adopting just 
think you have to be aware although its much more acceptable and normal now to see a counsellor have tablets etc

lainey           like the others thinking of you


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!! how are we all doing 

nothing much to report this end just that im about to start yet another 2ww.... so another fortnight's worth of sanity loss!!

i will do personals later as i have to be taxi and take dd and her friend to town to meet up with some more friends and go for lunch and shopping.. they seem to have more fun than i do!!

will be back later!


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

back briefly but now have to remember to pick them up at 3!!!

pand- im so proud of you.. you sound so positive and like you have got a new lease of life!! you sound like you are taking control.       im sooooooooooo jealous about the car too!!! 

hi suzy!! how are you my sweetie? hope all going ok hun. good to have you back... i havent been on much over the weekend so im going to catch up with you and ang's diary.

hi cinders how you doing??

hi lainey.. havent heard from you hun but hope that you are 'ok'. i hope my txt said it all.. you know where i am if you need to rant,cry and scream.

hi chimer, nanook, honeyprincess,lyndalou,sarylou and anyone else ive missed. im sorry this is a bit waffly..


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

How is everyone??  we put our tree and decs up today and my house looks really really lovely!!!  Kane had such a lovely time, and my Mum came over too, I cooked a big roast and we had a really lovely family time....  dh was working and my Dad was at a bowls tournament so it was SO nice to spend some time with my Mum just kinda the Two (or should I say 3of us) for once...

Had a bit of a downer yesterday....  I'll try and explain but excuse me if I waffle a bit.  Basically one of my oldest friends and ds Godmother) and I fell out (yes, over something stupid of course) a few months ago.....  when I was told I would never conceive naturally earlier this year she found out she was pregnant.  Although I was happy for her I was in a **** place at the time and didnt really want to see anyone much, thus wasnt the friend I should have been.  When I finally extracted my head from my nether regions I tried to make amends, but we ended up rowing and subsequently have not spoken for a few months....  Although part of me is screaming to get in touch with her, I know she's just gonna tell me to sod off (she sent my ds a birthday card and made a point of writing from her, her husband and MASSIVE bump in it!!, when she is well aware of our situation and dosent know we've been given the all clear since so I guess she just wanted to stick the knife in!)and things would never be the same between us again.  Anyway, I looked her up on ******** yesterday (just to be nosey) and the profile picture she has is of her husband and the baby - obviously one of the first pictures as its in hospital....  I spent the day wishing I hadnt looked and ended up totally upset all day and most of the evening. 1 because Ive lost such a good friend and 2 because I so want to be the one with the baby taking pictures of my hubby in hospital.....  It just kind of brought home to me my situation and how much I really do want to be holding another little life all of my own..........  

To make matters worse I can feel the witch is on her way (Im eating for ten and feel crap).  Someone was talking the other day about 'ok, well by easter then, then by christmas etc etc and it just goes on year after year..............  ' thats how I feel.  I wish I was pregnant now, it would make this such a special christmas.  But, I know Im not and then itll be another year and another milestone. This year has passed so quick there dosent seem to be enough time to set another milestone before the one from before is upon us again along with the stark realisation that we're still stuck in this ****ty boat hoping, waiting, wishing with this empty feeling....

Crikey that got a bit deep didnt it!?! sorry guys.

merry Christmas by the way, lol


----------



## missyb

awww honey im so sorry that you and your friend fell out.. it's horrible and i hate falling out with people. she should've realised that you werent in a good place and that it wasnt just her that you werent in touch with. hopefully in time she will realise all of this and im sure she is missing you too... i would if you were my friend.

as for the milestone bit of your message.. omg i could've cried. i know that me and dp havent really been trying that long in the scheme of things and compared to some of the other ladies on here.. but it's all relative.. i thought (stoopidly) that it wouldnt take us that long.. but here i am still ttc, still trying to overcome the obstacles that my duff body seems to be throwing in our way. i have asked santa for a bfp or a crystal ball so i can see when mine is coming!! all i can say nanook is that your ff's are here come what may.. thru the crap times and triumphs..   

much love


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Thanks Amanda  xx

Sarah x


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## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

I am still alive!

I haven't really felt like posting, just don't really have anything to say of any value/interest.  Things are still the same, no news.

I am in a quandry about what to do next.  Spoke to the hospital again on Friday as I have had a bit of bleeding and dh was convinced it was the onset of cancer    Asked them if it was really worth me continuing with my eggs because, although they say this m/c is unrelated, I have read that you have a higher chance of a partial molar pg if you have a history of m/cs.  This leads me to conclude that there must be some link.  She said again that I have just been unlucky and that, obviously, the older you get the more chance you have of these things happening.  She said she would recommend that I continue with my eggs.  Of course, I would love to have a child that is genetically mine but just can't face another m/c so feel a bit lost    I would rather do de to increase my chances of success but just feel that while they are telling me to continue I should take their word and use my own eggs.  Any advice/suggestions would be good.

Susie - glad to hear you are ok.  I was worried when you didn't post for a while.  I think we all go through the heartbreak of not being invited to school parties,  I think it is part of being a parent.  

Missyb/Cinders - thanks for the messages. I have just been hiding away in my shell for the last few days, trying to get my head around things.  Sorry for not replying.   

Pand - good for you, with the car.  I hope you are enjoying riding around in it.  I think you have the right attitude, long may it last.

Nanook - sorry for all the cr*p you have had to deal with.  Can't you send your friend a congratulations card with a note inside explaining why you didn't get in touch before?  I am sure she will understand if she is a true friend.

Emilycaitlin - nausea set in yet?  Soon i hope!

Hi to chimer, samblue, honeyprincess, sarylou, mrs chaos and anyone else I have missed.

Love Lainey x


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## missyb

hi lainey!!!!!

so good to hear from you hun! i knew you'd be in touch when you felt ready so dont ever apologise... i know you must be in a dilemna (not sure how thats spelt!) but even if it isnt your egg hun it would 100% be YOUR baby. however if the hosp have said continue with your eggs than i'd do that. what does dh think?? whatever you decide you know we will all be there for you and with you all of the way.

lots of love


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

I had a mad busy week last week, followed by a fab weekend in London (saw We Will Rock You) had a great time and almost forgot about IF which was in itself wonderful!  However now I'm home again having seen my sister yesterday with her 3 children which she popped out in quick succession after I'd had my dd: am now feeling rubbish again. Watched 'empty arms' just so I could have a good blub and get it out of my system! Seems to have worked!


Pand - congrats on your car, it sounds like you're really enjoying it!  I'm glad you're feeling more positive about things, that can oly be a good thing! Well done you for getting on with life!  It's good you've got a date to start your treatment now that must feel good too.  It would be great to meet up if poss at the Priory. It's funny to think that we may have sat in the waiting room together before! I'm under Mr Baghdadi who seems really nice .  I need to phone him re my referral for IUI, have emailed him but haven't heard back. I keep putting off phoning because I hate using the phone!  My dh is determined that he doesn't want to start iui until Jan including the counselling, which probably means that it's going to be more like february because my cycle is due to start right at beginning of Jan! so annoying.

Susie - congrats on your bfp, it would be good to meet up with you too if we could work it.

Nanook - sorry about your problems with your friend, i've found IF can be quite alienating as not all friends try to be sensitive to your needs. When my sister decided to announce she was expecting her 3rd to me she was supposed to be looking around my new house, she didn't even get up the stairs before she told me! I was on my own so couldn't even look to dh to smooth things over.  Why didn't she just tell me on the phone so that I could have had a good blub before i saw her in person?!!!  She lives 2 hours drive away and I hardly ever see her normally!  Anyway maybe a card would be good, like somebody else said, if she's worth having as a friend then she'll understand.

Lainey - just wanted to say I'm sorry for all you've been going through, my heart goes out to you.

Take care all

Must go and do something constructive now instead of moping around the house!

Faithful


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## cinders35

Afternoon everyone,
Am busy, busy. Have been ordering a vast amount of thermal underwear   in preparation for our trip to Lapland. Am getting very excited! House is a tip, am having a cup of tea and choc   before I finish downstairs and start on up! Good job I haven't got a mansion, 3 toilets to clean is enough thanks!!!!
Lainey, glad to hear from you sweety.   Please keep posting. We want to listen, told you, I've cleaned my ears out specially  . Ewwwww.... Think you have to do a lot of research, and a lot of soul searching re egg donor. I guess Suszy's the one to talk to there! I seem to recall you mentioning adoption before, which is a wonderful option. But if you think about an egg donor, that would be so much closer to being your "own" baby I would have thought? It's a difficult decision to make if clinic recommend you keep trying with your own eggs. I guess it'll need some thought...over several bottles of wine, on several occasions I should think. I'll put the wine in the fridge  . Getting a bit worried about discussing this topic, don't want to upset anyone, anywhere! Will shut up now!!!!
Faithfullyhoping, I have been watching empty arms this week.   Thinking of telling my friend (who I am having "sensitivity" issues with) to watch it. We could have moped around together!!
We are ttc au naturel this month.   Not really sure if we have any chance, as r tube blocked and left one funny shaped!! But it feels more hopeful, cos I know there is that "window of oppurtunity" for 6-9 months (I think) after you have had your endo treated. Think we will start another ivf cycle after af in jan, so will just fit 3 months of ttc naturel in.
Hope you are ok Suszy, glad you are over your party issues. Very glad ds not so sensitive!  
missyb, you doing a diary again hun? It's no good warning you away is it?! 
       
Love to everyone, no more time, dirty house calling.....
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi all!!!

not much to report im afraid.

hi cinders! how did the house work go i have been doing this dam portfolio and i now have gone doolally!! yes im afraid i have started another diary although i have to admit this month im not hopeful at all and i wonder what the point of it all is!! will try and be a good girl this mth   as im sure i will get put in peestick prison!! lapland sounds like fab fun hunxxx take me!!!

hi lainey.. thinking of you hun   

hi suzy.. caught up with you and your diary!! write more!! hope you are ok hun and as sick as a pig in a good way sweety.

hi faithful... im so sorry that youhave been feeling pants.. a good old cry always works wonders for me.. glad you had a fab time at we will rock you.. ive heard it's fantastic.. i must go and see a show as i love them..the last one i went to see was blood brothers!! omg i cried my eyes out... not a pretty sight.

hi sarah... what have you decided to do about your friend?? i hope that you are ok hun  

hi emilycaitlin.. hope you are well and being mucho sick too!!!  


hi to all those i havent mentioned.


love you all


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hiya

yeah Im ok, although the kittens trashed the christmas tree and smashed all my glass decs - special ones Ive collected from disney etc...  more fool me tho hey for not locking them out of the room or why the heck did I put those ones up in the first place!!??!!

Anyway re the friend Ive decieded to throw caution to the wind and your advice - Ill send a crimbo/congrats card combined............  Ive already explained everything and we rowed after that but I thought once she had the baby id at least receive notification that it had been born!!!  I havent, but I miss her so will try again cos she so is worth it!!! wish me luck!!! xx

Love to every one by the way xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

oh god sarah that sounds like pandemonium!!!! it did conjur up funny images thow! glad you have decided to throw caution to the wind and send a card to your friend.. at the end of the day i know you've tried to make peace (not that you need  to but you know what i mean) already but i think if she still doesnt come round after your card then your conscience is completley clear.


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Nanook -    Sorry about AF and  sorry re your friend and hope your making up goes ok - I am the same as you as have fallen out with people because I was in a bad place and prehaps was not as friendly or social as I normally am or perhaps I was unreasonable!  - i expected people to be a bit more understanding than they were, she sounds like she was out of order and insensitive to me but you are a special person and are going to rise above it. Sorry about the cats and the baubles!!!  I also relate so much to the milestones - every christmas for the last three we have asked Santa for a baby and for the last two we have said we will try til christmas and then move on and get a dog!! and this time we meant it except we would have gone to a frozen cycle probably in Jan and we are just so lucky that it has worked and its still sinking in.  Obviously by using donor eggs we knew our chances of sucess had increased from 1-5 percent to near on 40/50 per cent.  I was just incredibly lucky to have met Angela and the rest is history.

Lainey -   I have been thinking of you loads and have been worried about you.  In fact there was an article on a molar preg in the Sunday times mag which was such a coincidence and it sounds terrible If you want to read it I will copy and send it to you.  It does sound horrendous.  Its so difficult own eggs re donor eggs esp if the consultants is saying use your own eggs, in our case 2 m/c and 3 years of nothing and the consultant advising us to donor eggs/genetic testing we felt we had no option.  If  we had had a free cycle perhaps we would have tried one cycle but I think i would have only had a couple of eggs if I had been lucky and then i would have worried so much re m/c.  As it is I am not worrying about it so much although there is always the thought in the back of your mind but only a small one.  Its amazing to feel normal and preg but it took us a long time to come to this decision and you do need that time.

faithful -    that empty arms is really good and is great for letting it all out - I actually sent it to a few people as well and it was a great feeling sharing the journey with others.  There is also a song on the girl and boy thread which is good.
Glad you had a good weekend, know the feeling when you go away and forget all about it and then come back and it all comes flooding back.

Cinders -    I bet you are so excited about lapland and think you are so wise re the thermals.  As I have said to faithful I did send it to a few friends - one wrote back and said i should not spend so much time with sad people!! could have screamed.  i dont think i will ever be the same with some people and am feeling it rather awkward at school and have thought that it might be nice to move!  It certainly has shown me who my friends are.  you are right i am the woman to talk DE with!!!!  and yes it was discussed over lots of bottles of wine (normally with me being on here!!) I think everyone has to get to that conclusion in their own way and time and they know where I am and can read my diary or remember my postings from the last year. I think the fact I have a BFP is a happy ending too!  Its only a week today since I got the BFP and am still finding it hard to comprehend, I want to scream it from the rooftops but desparatley want to get the result of the blood test tomorrow.
I have also got them to agree to scan me in chester next tuesday so am pleased about that.  good luck with ttc natually.   

emily caitlin -   how are you feeling - still sinking in, weird isnt it.

dizzylou -    how are you 

pand -    hope you are still smiling ! driving around in that fast car !!!  Just smiling at the thought of it!!!  take care sweetheart

chimer - hope you are ok  

honeyprincess -  

mrs chaos- hope you are ok

Gab    how did the appt go

missby - good luck for this cycle,   Ang says you have been chatting which is nice.  its a sad time for her. Hope my diary is not too boring, would like Ang to write more in it too.  Whats the portfolio about??

Well girls - so wish you could join me - it still feels strange not to feel empty and to have that hope inside, I still cannot quite believe it, a week today since the official test date as have said above get the result of the blood test re hcg levels that I requestd myself tomorrow afternoon and got the lady at chester to give me an early scan.  she really did not want to but when she looked at my file she realised I had been referred nearly 3 years ago in Jan to the fertility unit so she gave in.  Crazy that none of my details re the last 3 years are on there.  So I get a scan next tues 11 at just over 6 weeks and then the following monday at 7 weeks.  Just want to see something!  
I would like to say you stop worrying and hoping and dreaming but you don't. i feel in a kind of limbo land.  I so want to be with you girls but don't want to be insensitive and go on about stuff.  I hope that as people have said I give them hope because I have got a BFP and there is not much else we could have done to get to this stage.  Of course we are incredibly blessed to have such a wonderful person as Angela help us and she has made this journey so much more special for us.
I could not have done it without you girls and you make me feel special and are my friends and i appreciate your support and as i have said often I am here for you.  please feel free to ask me anything.
lots of love
Susie


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!! this is early for me lol!!!

im totally fed up of this ttc malarky!!! i think the hormone circus is gearing up for a performance and i just feel really teary!!

hey suzy.. fab to hear from you hun.. i pm'd angela coz i remembered that the 4th was when she lost her dad.. the portfolio is for a new course that i have almost (thur) completed for new staff nurses.. it has been fab as 2 of my best friends are also on the course so it is fab to meet up... having said that all 3 of us are as disorganised as each other and we have all left it till the last minute to complete our paperwork!! thank you for the good luck wishes for this mth...im a bit negative about it all at the mo. you diary isnt boring btw... it's exciting as we have been with you from the start hun xx

hi to ange.. thinking of you hun xx

hi to everyone else who i havent mentioned... love you all xx


amanda xx


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## cinders35

Mornin gal's!  
Off to buy ski gloves!!!!!    
Cxxxxxx


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## missyb

hi cinders!! did you get the ski gloves 

i went for a swim and feel much better for it (think that the slab of coffee cake afterwards helped). hope you guys are all doing well.


amanda xx


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## lainey-lou

Hi Everyone

Feeling a bit pants this afternoon.  Went back to work yesterday and it was really nice - one boss came over and gave me a hug and a kiss and the other came in today and said that he was really glad I was back because he had missed me loads.  Have been really busy in a good way and have been feeling a bit better but think I have PMT now and it is making me feel really teary    I suppose really PMT is a good thing because at least it means AF is on the way.  This means my cycle hasn't been that mucked up and also, I am not pg!  The last thing I need now is to get pg because apparently that dramatically increases my chances of getting cancer  

Spoke to someone I know yesterday about the fact I had just had a m/c and she asked which consultant I was under, when I told her it was Mr A she said "Oh, I saw him when I had my two m/cs".  I didn't know she had had two m/cs, I see her with her two boys and just assumed they came easily but it just goes to show that you never know.  She swears by this consultant and said I should give him a chance with my own eggs if he says so.  Everyone around my way thinks he is a god!  I think I might have one or two goes with my eggs and then move onto donor.  I suppose I should try again, otherwise I might kick myself later for not giving it my all.

Cinders - when are you off?  Lucky you, I wish I was going away.  Is it very cold there?

Missy - sorry you are feeling rubbish.  Glad the cake helped, I usually find it does.

Susie - good to hear from you.  How are you feeling?

Pand - how is the car?

Nanook - those naughty kittens!  When are they being homed?  You'll miss them when they're gone.  Good idea on the card, I think she will get in touch.  She probably didn't want to rub salt in the wounds by sending an announcement card.

Hi to everyone else 

Lainey x


----------



## *kateag*

Hi  

Is it ok to join in on the daily message board? I'm Kate, 26 and have a gorgeous if slightly mad 5 year old, and we've been trying for 4 years for another! 2.5 icsi's later and we've decided on a break!! 

Feeling a bit lost in the boards now as nowhere I really belong!! 

Can I join you!!! 

x


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## missyb

tee hee kat im not stalking you honestly!!!   course you can join us!!

hi lainey... after whinging about myself i feel mean when i think about what you have gone thru. i think you have come to the right decision about the consultant.. word of mouth i guess is the best way to gauge how good the chap is.. i know it must be awful coming up to af time hun   the 6 mths will go so quickly.. i know not quick enough for you but before you know it you'll be raring to go hun.. you know where i am if you need to talk hun.


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou




----------



## SUSZY

welcome kateag - you will feel right at home here, when you first come on FF its hard to find your way around and find a place you feel at home in and this is the one, when I first posted in nov 06 this thread did not exist but now its really busy so you will feel right at home.  You can post exactly how you feel.

Lainey - glad they were nice to you in work and it sounds like that counsultant is really good and its worth a go with your own eggs sweetheart, sorry you feel so pants its understandable after all you have been through    

missby - sorry you are feeling so negative but its understandable as well, people might think ttc naturally is easy but I found it hard and the expectation I had every month did my head in and it was much better knowing we were going into tx.  Good luck honey.
Its lovely that you remembered about the 4th for Ang, its been a hard few weeks for her what with his birthday as well and its just a year and so raw.  I just want to cuddle her but its nice to know people are thinking of her.  She is such a special person as you know.

Nanook - has your tree got any baubels left on it!!!

Pand - hope you are still smiling!!!

faithful - hope you ok

dizzy - let us know how you are diddling!

mrs chaos - any more news on the chat night

Emily caitlin - has it sunk in yet?!!!! 

chimer, honeyprincess, gab - hope you all doing ok   
Cinders - did you get the ski gloves, very envious of your trip to lapland.

Well we had two boys back to play tonight and I was dreading it but they were not too bad although have not gone upstairs yet!!!!!!
ds had a good time but think he has fallen asleep without any spelling homework!!!!  He has been invited back to someones house tomorrow too - we have always had plenty of play dates.  The two boys that came were saying they were each others best friends and when ds was asked he said the name of the boy whose party we have not been invited too =- it hurt my heart but I also think he was too scared to say the girls name that he usually does as she is quite fickle. I am cross with myself for being so sucked in with this as I have much more important things to think about but its easier said than done!!
I had the blood test result and the level was 1795 which I think is pretty good, its not as high as dgs was at this stage (well on 29th) when I had it but it looks good - still does not tell me much else so am going to wait for tuesday and am looking forward to it.
Well take care my loves.
have a good night
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Ski gloves-tick! (£100-tick!!!!)!
This will be by far the most expensive day we have ever had!!!! Hope it's worth it! It's in the Arctic, everyone knows   lives in the North Pole right?   
So it's going to be up to -30'! Cold like we've never felt before. That's why I haven't skimped on the neccessities. We have balaclavas, long johns, the lot!!! Looking forward to our sleigh ride with  !! Santa is going to write to dd, to tell her what a good girl she's been   and invite her to visit him for the day. 
We don't go till 21st, but have been ordering all the stuff this week. Done most of it on line.
Anyway, moving on...sorry...  
Suszy, you must be delighted with blood result, still wondering how many though?!  
Lainey, so lovely that you have such kind, compassionate work colleagues. I'm glad. Very reassuring to have good feedback re consultant. Patients are the ones that would know! I appreciate the Consultant being straight with me y'know? I don't want it sugar coating. Have I got a chance or not?!! Sounds like he is being straight with you, even if you don't particularly like what he has to say!! So if he thinks you're in with a chance then good for you. You go girl!!  
I'm sorry not to have been any more use to you. Have you had a good moan, blub, chat with anyone? I think there are more people out there who have had m/c than we will ever know!!! Like you say, we just presume everyone else has had it easy, and that's not always the way.  

Missyb, I am so with you on the ttc au naturel. For me it was month after month, getting your hopes up only to be dashed down. It's awful. Truly.   Bring more cake someone....
Hi Kateag, lovely to meet you, welcome aboard hun! SNAP!!! I also have beautiful dd, just turned 5yrs, and have been ttc for 4 years! 2 IVF's later...just had lap&dye, results are in my profile below. Good to have some sort of explanation. How about you? You still sane? I lost it about 3 years ago!!  
Nanook, how you doing hun?  
Pand ("I like driving in my car...it's not quite a jaguar...")  I'm just so hilarious... I know....  You still on a high?  
There are a lot of you not posting too much, you'll all be telling me you've bought, wrapped and sent your xmas presi's soon won't you?!!!   In that case I'm off......
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Just a quickie tonight!

Kateag - Hi and welcome!  Hope you find this board as wonderful as the rest of us!  We are a good bunch and look out for each other.

Suzy - your bloods sound really good flower.  I know you must feel you still have such a long way to go and now you're on a different waiting game to the one you've been on for the last few years!  Still keeping everything crossed!

Nanook - sorry about the baubles!  Naughty kittens!

Lainey - tough decision hun.  Take your time thinking about it.  If your cons is saying use your own eggs then that sounds like good advice.  Only you know what to do for the best tho.  Follow your heart, if you can still hear what its saying.

Ang - hope you're ok flower.  Tough time I know.  Thinking of you. xxx

Cinders - Lapland is a long way to go to escape the smell of sprouts!


Faithfully hoping - Keep me posted with your appointment dates at the Priory and maybe we will get a chance to meet up!  I haven't been to the priory before this tx so I don't know Mr Bagdahdi but I think I've met his wife (a nurse there) and she is fab.  I'm under Mr Watts but I don't know if he's back from sick leave yet!

As for me... I'm loving my new car even if I did cry when my old one left! (It was my first and only car, had it for 12 years!).  Also won a golf club membership on my son's Xmas Raffle!  Is my luck turning at long last?  I really hope so.  I'm not on quite such a high as I was on Saturday, but I'm still feeling better than I have for some time now.  I feel a little more at peace with life.  I still desperately want another baby, but I'm slowly resigning myself to the fact that it's unlikely.  Counting down the days to 17th but also dreading the injections!  Xmas could be a bundle of laughs with me on a hormonal nightmare and having to lay off the booze but hey!  It will be worth it if it works!

Anyway take care all!  Speak soon

Pand


----------



## nanook

Wow!

Going to see Santa in the Arctic hey!? Fair play, sounds fab! Ive looked into that sort of thing myself in the past but have never had that sort of cash to be honest so wow!  You'll have the most amazing time!!!  

In answer to questians - yes, I have some tree decs left, lol......  Just not the most special ones.  Dh has been looking though and I think Im gonna have some lovely surprises in my stocking this year! 

There are only Two kittens left.... I wasnt bothered about the others going at all but this last one is really gonna get to me.  He is so gorgeous and him and his little kitten sister (the one we're keeping) get along so great, I feel really awful taking them away from each other    Dh wont have 3 cats in the house though, and I know once fully grown there is no way id be able to cope with them either (we only have a 2 bed terraced!!) so theres nothing I can do apart from try to be strong about it and let him go! .....  

On a more positive side, me and dh are going crimbo shopping tom!  I think its the first time ever that we've got Kanes stocking fillers together so Im totally looking forward to it! maybe be able to throw in a nice lunch somewhere too.......     

Am spending a lot of time this week helping with the Christmas plays at Kanes school, as I go in as a parent helper with year R 2/3 times a week.  I started doing it just to spend a little extra time with Kane (I think his teacher realised it was one of the only ways Id take him in, lol), but get along with her so great Ive stayed working with her in year R..  I really love it, and am gonna do a teaching assistant qualification alongside it starting Jan.  Total change of carreer for me as I used to be a pa but I get so much from going into the school its great - would love to do teaching but Ive left it a bit late really as there are so many years of training... Anyway, back to the point.... The performances are Thurs/Fri and its year R/1 together which is great cos Kane is in year 1.  They are all so great, but i wish you could all see how swwet the ones in my class are - they are all stars and SO sweet you could just take them all home!!!    Makes it all seem kind of awful seeing their lovely little faces and excitement for christmas... Im totally proud of each and every one of them!  And Kane, even though he's a sheep and is so put out he's refusing to wear a proper costume or do anything properly , lol. Takes after me Im afraid, knows his own mind!!!!!  haha (little bu**er) . 

Anyway, love to you all, sorry I havent done personals but you know meeeeeeeeeeeeee  xxxxx


----------



## nanook

1 personal ------ HI KATE!!!


----------



## nanook

God can I just post one thread at a time, haha should have read less awful re the little ones - sorry had a couple of glasses of the old vino!! 

Hugs to you Lainey by the way hunni xxxx


----------



## cinders35

Good for you on the vino Nanook. Hope your heads ok this am, and you enjoy the shopping xmas shopping. Hope you squeeze in a nice lunch too and soak up the xmas atmosphere!
Sounds you are having a great time as a teaching assistant. I can totally understand you wanting a change of career, I do too!! As do many nurses out there I think...it's only the patients that keep us going!!!!
So sorry you are going to miss that last little kitten, I fall in love so easily with my feline friends!!! We got a mother and daughter from the RSPCA. Unfortunately the mum got knocked by a car and had to be put down,  . That was 3 years ago now. Then "Archie" turned up on our patio, looking very hungry, very scabby, flea ridden, and weak. We tried to find his home, but failed, so we kept him! He chose us, which is a lovely way round to get another cat!! I think we would have a dog too if we lived in a bigger house, but wouldn't want to upset the cats too much. They are my babies!!!!  
When I was in hospital having dd, I remember worrying, and asking dp if they were ok, and was he feeding them etc!!  
Oh I am waffling on, sorry ladies...
Pand, glad you are ok  .Actually I like sprouts!!! (We are only going for the day.) 17th not so far away, how you feeling about it?
Lainey, how you doing?  
Suszy,  
Ang, I hope you are getting through this really tough time.  
Well, better go.
Loadsa love,
Cindersxxx
Think I've got verbal diarrhoea...can't seem to shut up.....


----------



## *kateag*

WOW! This board moves fast!! Bear with me while I try and catch up with what's happening with who! I promise to do personals once I know!!! 

Just wanted to say hi, and this board is great! It's so nice to fit in somewhere!!  

Promise to be better next time!!! I'm off to bluewater soon, once I've picked up my daughter, not sure if I'm looking forward to it or dreading it! Dh is ill with the dreaded gastro flu so he has got out of helping, wasn't that lucky! 

x


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
I've been nursing a bad back so haven't been able to sit for long 
I'm happy to do a chat night whenever suits everyone  so just let me know and I'll order the sausage rolls 
Hope everyone is doing ok?
I'll be back more when the sciatica has gone and I can feel my left bum cheek 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## moominemma

Hi everyone,

Just letting you know I am still around, plodding away. I check in a lot but am still a bit rubbish at posting. Sorry!

Susie - glad the blood results are ok, hope scan is brill!
Cinders - am very jealous about your trip to Lapland, the most we can stretch to is a trip on the santa train! Enjoy it! 
Nanook - naughty cats! Yes I understand you wanting a change of career too as I am a another nurse (there seem to be a few on here). Is it really too late? I remember as a student nurse a 53year old woman in my group who would have only had a few years to actually work once she qualified.

Just recovering now after my daughters birthday tea. It was only supposed to be a few of her friends but ended up being a noisy house full!

Take care, 
Emma x


----------



## cinders35

Emma, well done for surviving tea party! Don't apologyse for not posting. As and when hun, as and when...
That's except you Lainey Lou!! Want to know you are ok    . Feel you are drifting away, the tide is taking you...   
missyb, how are the hormones?  STEP AWAY FROM THE PEE STICKS AMANDA     STEP AWAY I SAID...
Kate, glad you are feeling at home here. Some days we don't shut up   , others we enjoy a little peace & quiet!
Sorry to hear about the back Gayn, hope you make a speedy recovery. Btw would vol au vents be more classy?  
I am feeling a bit needy.   Have spent about 5 hours constructing a letter to my friend, the one with the sensitivity issues. I have tried to sensitively (ironic huh?) explain to her why I found her actions so insensitive. It has drained me. I have a thumping headache, and I have been so tense I must have been grinding my teeth, because they ache!!
Still, it's done now. Wish I could run it past you guys, but it's too long. At the end of the letter I have asked her to check out the "empty arms" video. 
I don't want to lose her, but I just can't move on until I clear this up between us. I thought about saying  nothing and just moving on, but I can't. I would be being false, and I can't do that. So I've got to risk it, and hope that we can sort through it. I can't talk to her about it, because I would probably say all the wrong things, and blub    everywhere. A letter definately the way to go.
So that's me, needy.
See ya!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Cinders    I am not moving away from you, just having a rough time and finding it difficult to talk at the moment.  I hope you understand  

Hope your friend responds in a positive way to your letter.  Would love to know what you said.  I am sure you handled it well.

Welcome to Kateag - we are a good bunch on here, if slightly mad  

Susie - glad the bloods were good.  They sound good to me, I am a bit of an expert on HCG levels now!  

Hi to everyone else.

Lainey x


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girls. 

Cinders, hope the letter helps in the relationship battles. It's the right thing to do, if you were to forget it this time (whatever "it" may be) if it ever happened again, you would find yourself saying more than you meant. I hope she understands. 

Lainey, hope everything is ok x

Susie, glad your bloods were good! xx

My dh and dd are both ill, dd was sick everywhere in bluewater which was slightly embarassing! Will have them both home tomorrow!!! 

Hope everyone is ok. 
xxx


----------



## nanook

Hello! 

Me and ds are ill - both got the lurgy so off school - missing nativity plays so am sad about that!  also worried about getting in trouble re ds absence as head teacher has already 'had a word' with me    Thing is Kanes had about 4 days holiday already this year and they add that on to the percentage which I think is wrong - it makes it look really bad and I might get a fine now apparently!  The last thing I need!

Hope evryone else is ok - sorry havent had time to read through properly so am just writing a fleeting message.....

Love to each and every one of you, as always!!  xx 

Sarah


----------



## missyb

aw sarah hope you guys are feeling better soon!!! i never understand how the school work out % for absence etc.. pand might be a good person to ask about all of that! i have just been on one of the other threads and read about emilycaitlins bad news... i feel so upset for her   

hope all the other lovlies on here are doing well... im sooo pooped today, long day yesterday and study day today and i can just about think straight.. will do more personals tomorrow when im a bit more with it.


love to you all


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All
Kateag - welcome, I've only been here a couple of weeks myself! My dd is 5 too, and we've been trying for number 2 for 3 years now with no sucess whatsoever! Sorry your dh and dd are ill, sounds like a nasty bug, hope you manage to escape!

Hi Emma - I noticed that you've got unexplained too, how are you coping with it? It's driving me mad not having any answers. I keep imagining things that might be wrong with me.

So sad about emilycaitlin  

suzy - glad bloods were ok - (not too sure what it means though!)

Pand - hope you're ok,  Will let you know when I get any dates at priory.  I'm still waiting to hear back from my consultant at the moment, left a message with his secretary, not sure whether to try his mobile or not?! Yes I've seen Jane Baghdadi too, she's lovely, she was having a moan about him when I went for my scan with him as he got her to do our bloods!

Cinders - hope you manage to sort things out with your friend - I think you're right to tell her how you're feeling, honesty is definitely the best policy.

Lainey - still thinking of you

My friend came round this week to tell me she was pregnant - i'm really pleased for her as she has been trying for over a year and had a miscarriage before then.  I just wish it was me too! Maybe in the new year it will be my turn.

Take care all

Faithful


----------



## *kateag*

Hi Girls. 

Hi Faithful, nice to meet you hun. A friend of mine recently told me she is pg, and I'm really pleased for them but it sort of feels like another kick in the teeth! Good luck for you in the new year. Looking forward to chatting to you. 

Amanda, have a nice relaxing evening, hope you feel all refreshed tomorrow. What are you studying?

Hi Sarah, hope you and your ds get well soon, nasty bug. Dh has been told his is called norovirus?! Related to the gastro bugs apparently. The school sounds a bit confusing with the holidays and sickness? Seems mean taking holidays off as well? x

No major news from me, boo is much better today, was obviously over excitement and milkshake that made her sick yesterday, so she is back to school tomorrow, which she is very pleased about as she has a ballet show and her first ever school disco!!! 

Hoping to get my xmas tree this weekend! It's xmas everywhere but here!!!

Hope everyone is ok. xxx


----------



## nanook

Sorry emilycaitlin I didnt know...  how are you sweetheart??  Am here for you babe


----------



## cinders35

Hellooooooo.....anyone home?  
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi honey im home!! lol xx

i just feel like im permanantly tired at the moment!! im not sure if it's the weather or the preparation for af next week (please stay away!)


hi cinders.. did you post your letter to your friend??
im stepping away from the peesticks.. i really dont think there is much hope at all this month.. i have more chance of being a size zero by xmas and there is no sodding hope of that!!

hi suzy how are you doing lovely im going to read your diary in a tick.

hi kateag... i had quite a relaxing evening in the end a couple of my friends popped over and we had a really chilled evening.. dp was watching the footie which always seems to give him tourettes syndrome!!! im a nurse for my sins!! i only qualified in sept '06 so there is a course for new staff nurses... like i didnt have have enough of studying the last 4 years!!! oooh a new xmas tree how fab!! hope decorating it goes well... dp had to restrain me from spending a fortune on stuff for our tree...tee hee glad dd is better.

hi faithful... it's great news about your friend and sending you    2008 will be our year!!

hi pand & lainey... thinking of you both..

hi ange... hope you are ok sweetie xx



lots of love


amanda


----------



## cinders35

Hey Missus,
Glad you're back Did you get the wine?? The chocolate??
I posted the letter/book yesterday, so depending on the post, she may already have it. I have been stressing about it all day. But rang my other friend, and told her to phone to check she was ok after getting it. She is pg after all!! I put a tea bag and a bar of galaxy in with the letter/book! So balls in her court, we'll see...I asked her to watch the "empty arms" video. It's not completely appropriate because we have dd, but hopefully she will get the jist...
So no wine. No chocolate. You are useless...cuppa then?
Cx


----------



## fabizzy

Hi guys  

I said I was going to join you before and then didn't I am going to now thought if that is ok 

It will take me a while to get to know who you all are etc but once I do well there is no stopping me 

Rachelxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Pand

Morning everyone!  

Goodness you have all been busy this week.  It always takes me ages to catch up at the weekends!  Well here goes:

Rachel and Kateag - Welcome to our thread!  Hope you enjoy making new friends on here and you find it as supportive as I have!

Cinders - Well done you for sending the letter.  Personally I'm not sure your "friend" really deserves the effort!  You are a good girl for taking the moral high ground.  People can just be so unkind when it comes to IF.  They just don't have any concept of how heartbreaking it is.  All I can say is it sounds like you have been really sensitive and if she doesn't respond well to what you've done, she honestly doesn't deserve your friendship.  Let us know how it goes.  By the way I've laid off the sprouts and am working on a strict chocolate and wine diet!

Missyb - Well done for leaving the pee sticks alone and thanks for your thoughts.  Keep on swinging hun!

Lainey-lou - We understand you don't feel like talking.  Just know we are here for you and always thinking of you.  I'm starting to come out the other side of my tunnel at the mo, I hope you find the end of yours soon.

Mrs Chaos - I would love to chat but I still can't get on! Must be something to do with my computer!

Nanook - Good for you re-training as a TA!  I left the police four years ago and re-trained as a primary school teacher!  It's the hardest I have ever worked in my entire life, but it is a very rewarding career, if a little trying at times!  I would  love to work as a TA cos you still get to work with the kids but the responsibility for planning and assessment isn't quite so bad, so enjoy flower!  This time of year in a primary school is absolutely magical!

Suzy - my love I haven't forgotten you!!!!  How are you feeling about your scan?  I bet your analysing every twinge and ache at the moment!  Just keep remembering your bloods were good so fingers crossed.  I hope you are up chucking for England and enjoying every minute of it!  Love to all of yours!

Hi to anyone else I've missed!

I'm still feeling very positive at the moment!  I'm enjoying work, I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE my new car!!!!!  The weather isn't very good for putting the lid down tho!  DOH!  Am going up to the Priory for counselling and blood tests today (yipee.... not!).  Then tomorrow my best mate is coming over with her 3 month old... I'm hoping I'm going to be ok with it but I know I will feel down when she goes.  Still Christmas is coming and I love this time of year.  Have got DS birthday party next weekend so lots of sorting out still to do. Then next Monday we start down regging!  I've been having lots of nightmares about being in hospital having operations again!  I really hope they're not prophetic!  I've had enough cutting and stitching in the last couple of years to last me a life time!  With the down regging etc as well, it's going to be touch and go as to whether I start leaking every time I have a drink over Christmas!  By the way, does anyone know what the advice is re alcohol and IVF?  Should you not drink at all?  When should you lay off the alcohol?  From day one or day 21 or when you are stimming?  Such a novice at all this!  Can't help thinking it's not going to work and what else I could be spending 3 grand on!  Very nervous about injecting but I know I will cope with it!  

That's all for now folks!  May get back on this weekend if not speak next weekend!

Love to all

Pand


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Pand, have you checked out the Technical Support area hun? Do you want me to ask Tony/Admin for you to see if somone can try and sort this out for you?
Just one thing...do you have pop ups enabled? Just a thought as I couldn't get online once as I'd changed my pop up settings.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Emilycaitlin hope you're doing ok hunni, thinking of you and sending huge 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## Wendeth

Helloeveryone, i have only just found this site - which feels very like home to me. i joined in on the Bourn Hall ICSI site but we only had ICSI because we had donor eggs, so, whilst I have made some amazing friends there (we all meet for coffee once a week), i always feel vaguely guilty about talking about ttc when I have a natural ds and my friends do not.  It is very odd to have unexplained secondary infertility.  We chose donor eggs and now have 5 frosties waiting. 

Hi Suszy, it's comforting to see someone i know here!  

Lainey - i just want to send you some hugs   it sounds like you are going through a very tough time.   

I am having a rubbish day, very tearful, yes very much wanting 4 names on the xmas cards - that so hit a nerve! and waiting for AF who is not going to arrive for me (day 41) yet.  My DH is in the RAF and starts a new job on 7 Jan in Dorset leaving me and ds here till the MOD find us a house... I can't start tx till AF shows up, and i'll be going thro it alone too.  Stress, what stress  

Wendeth x


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys,

Wendeth nice to meet you, it all sounds a bit scarey your end with your partner going away n all - we'll be here for you hunni promise! xx 

Hi to everyone else too.. me and Kane are feeling a bit better now, but still ache all over..

Christmas tree fell over once again today. I am now putting an old one up and it is now the 3rd time Ive put a tree up this year!! the fun of it has died somewhat. Plus the fact that the witch is here so Im less than enthusiastic about much! lol.... me and dh 'did it' at exactly the right time last month too so Im really thinking its never going to happen...  Good thing is though that my son is such a little darling I can curl up on the sofa with him every night and be totally undisturbed! and he sleeps with me more often than not and, again, no disturbances!

Did I tell you I had the old 'how many have you got' rubblish the other day?? I bumped into an old school friend (one of the overly fertile ones)- she's got two (one who is 16 so as we are 32 she must have got pregnant srtaight from school!!), and a four year old. She's going to have another couple in a couple of years apparently! because she just loves kids (I, on the other hand obviously dont or else I'd have more, hey!?!.The inevitable 'how many have you got' questian arose and when I said 1 I got _that look_ you know the one... the one that says 'oh, how selfish!' - I didnt bother explaining myself I just smiled, paid for my shopping (we were at the queue in sains), wished her the best and left.. I did consider sticking 2 fingers up and poking my tongue out as I walked along the glass wall bit at the side of the store but decided against it just in case anyone else thought I was doing it to them  plus I had a trolley to push and didnt want to lose control as I had to walk down a rampy bit...

Anyway ill prob be back on later Id better help dh with the tree cos he was at work today and since he came home he's been doing that while Ive been sat here typing this (oops). Not looking too happy actually....

Talk later alligators..

xx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies how are we this evening i hope you are all well. ive just finished a late so im not quite as incoherant as i usually am after work! 

hi nanook ! how are you doing hun.. ur post made me larf xx some people just have no idea do they? i'd like to think that people who make comments or give 'looks' are in the minority but after being on this site for 9 mths i have realised that it is so common  i laughed because i could picture you with your trolley (which always want to go to magnetic north!) pulling faces and sticking your fingers up!! glad you guys are a bit better.


hi wendeth! the girls on here are fab and you have definatley found a home. sorry things seem so unsettled at the moment.. you will make some fantastic friends on here who will help keep you going thru the tough times.. i have to admit im an addict to this site and im always about so feel free to pm me if you are feeling pants (or even if you are not)

hi rachel.. how are you doing hun?? we keep missing each other.. hope we can catch up soon xx

hi cinders.. i can imagine that you are a fab friend and if your friend doesnt respond to your letter/book than it is her loss.. i mean a bar of choc.. i'd be ur friend for life!! hope you are ok hun xx 

hi suzy!! how are you doing?? im going to see if you have added anymore to your diary xx

hi pand.. glad you are still feeling positive hun. hope all your bloods etc goes ok.. sending loads of     your way hun xx
i wish i knew more about ivf so i could help with your questions hun. hope you get the answers.


hi to anyone else ive missed but not forgotten.


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi Im back!!

Christmas tree is up - albeit a very small and crappy one, but better than nothing!.... ............ ......................

Hi Missy glad you're ok, good to have made you larf. 

Just been watching the x factor... shame Nikki went off I thought she was great! personally I would have voted off Leon cos I think he's a bit weak but hey, each to their own!!

Am staying up to watch the Amir Khan fight so am looking forward to that, may even snuggle up in bed to watch it actually

Now Im back I havent actually got a lot to say!  haha so Ill bid you all a farewell and a good night, sweet dreams  

xx


----------



## cinders35

Evening,
Nanook, just saw the results show, I actually quite like Leon! I'd like to take him home with me...  OMG! my hormones!!!!! (I am mid cycle!!!) Nicky was fab, but I got bored of hearing the emotional side of her story all the time, I think they overdid it. I am a heartless b***h you see!!!!!
Your post about sainsburys had me   ! It would be so good if we all lived in the same place, we could just go out in pairs all the time! Moral support!
Hope you enjoy the fight! 
I have a face pack on   I look like him to the left, I have a big sad blue face!!! I have a hot date with my bath, so mustn't be too long on here!
Welcome Wendeth and Rachel, looking forward to some   with you.
Missyb, when is d-day hun? I haven't checked your diary yet. Hope you ok.   Thanks for your support re my letter to my friend. Thanks also to Pand for that! I have come to the conclusion that I had to be honest and true, and that if she doesn't take it well then she is not the friend that I thought she was. But I desperately hope it won't come to that!
Pand, hope the birthday party goes ok next week, where you having it? If it is in village hall I urge you to locate fuse box asap. Hope you saw my post re dd birthday party, otherwise that will make no sense! Oh well!! With regards to drinking whilst d/r, I think it depends on how saintly you want to be! I don't think the odd glass will hurt, but wouldn't be inclined to drink once stimming. However this is all just personal opinion, I would check with them when you go for your appointment on the 17th. Do you know you can still ttc naturally this month? Apparently the d/r drugs don't effect pg. But again check with clinic incase your drugs are different to mine. I was pleasantly surprised by the physical side of IVF, but the emotional side left me a bit of a train wreck!! After the 2nd go, emotionally I just felt like I crashed and burned!! But you are strong, you have already been through worse and as you say, come out the other end. Besides, it's going to work anyway!!! 
Lainey, been to any good massage parlours lately?!!    
Hey Suszy, think scan is tues? Keeping everything crossed. Please update us asap!!!! 
Hi Ang, hope you are ok and looking forward to xmas with your family now. 
Hi Gayn, hope the sciatica is beginning to ease off?
Right, facepack is now hard as rock, cat looks scared!!!!
Nnite all,
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Wow, what lovely welcome messags from you all. Cinders I am so impressed you are able to write little personal messages to all - I can't seem to retain information that well  .  Hope the face pack was good.  DH always seems to walk in on me when ive got one on, and makes me laugh!  Then I look really scarey when it cracks - i often think that's what ill look like when i'm 80!  All those lines!  ULP! 

I have to admit i'm a bit sad and don't watch the x factor.  i'm heavily into Spooks, Heros and the Tudor (phaw!).

Nanook i can't believe you've had to put the tree up 3 times!  and you had me laughing with your comment that 3rd time is not as much fun!  i can imagine... why does it keep falling down?  

Hi MissyB, thanks for your kind welcome. i have to admit since i slowed down (cos all my mates told me I was doing too much), I feel at a bit of a loose end and have become an addict on FF too... that's how i found this thread - too much time, too little to do... well, actually, i've loads to do really but i've lost the will to achieve till AF shows up... my clinic have said to ring them tomorrow Monday if it still not shown up.  i know i'm not pg as I did a test a couple of weeks ago. It's such a pain.  Well, really, it's not a pain at all, in fact i've no symptons at all.  Normally i'd love feeling sympton free, but because it's so important and i need it start tx, etc etc etc winge winge winge...   what a great introduction to myself!  

Hi Faithful, Kateag and Rachel, we can be confused together about who everyone is! 

DH and Ds went to watch Chelsea Footie yesterday play Sunderland - a friend is looking after some Season tickets so it was all free.  I was really worried DH wouldn't look after ds properly, and that ds would get cold, hungry or lost in London or not enjoy himself, or be scared of the crowds -  but they both came home full of triumph, diahorrea (from Burger King we think), and enthusiam -  and DS was absolutely delighted with all the swearing he heard!    He knows all the words from the other kids at school (my greatest swearword is b*ggar so am continually shocked by what kids teach each other).  So now my son has, overnight, turned into a chelsea football fan, and I have to say, I am saddened by it!    I was hoping he would be a great artist one day...  

Wendeth x


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Pand, hope you got on ok with your best mate and her baby today. Hope the pain subsides quickly.  
Thinking of you all today, been to a christening. (2nd child, both of their kids younger than dd.) You know how it is  .
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

aw cinders are you ok hun? so far i havent been to a christening but i can imagine the kind of emotions it stirs!     to you hun xx lol re the facemask... i had one on in the bath today... it is fab though i made the mistake to trying to eat breakfast with it on... i hope it's not poisonous!! d-day is friday 

hi wendeth! dp phsl over your footie comments! hope you get some answers from the clinic as what next... it's hard to find the will to do things when you are waiting for af/tx etc!!!

hi suzy good luck for tuesday hun xx

anyway guys not much to report from me.. im going to do my diary and whinge on there as it is unfair to make u guys down!!


love to all


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

helllo

having a rubbish time, considering packing my bags as am just not happy anymore so its all a bit confusing..................... maybe its my hormones hey?!?   me and dh just dont seem to be getting on, unless we're just brushing everything under the carpet and then we're all fine again!!!    

I dont know........................

love to you all,

Sarah
x


----------



## nanook

sorry cinders sending you hugs   must be sad for you... xx


----------



## *kateag*

Hi everyone, 

Wow so much happens on this thread!!

Pand, re the IVF and drinking, in moderation is ok during d/r's but not during stimms, as it dehydrates you and you need to be drinking at least 2l of water each day. Good luck hun. If you need any other info just shout!!

Sarah, sorry to hear you and dh are having a rough time at the moment hun, I think sometimes things get so stacked up that it feels like there is no way out but the front door. I hope you can both work it out, whatever the best solution for you both is, it's the last thing you need on top of everything else. x

Cinders, hope you are ok hun, sending you massive hugs. Have been to several christenings, one was the weekend after our failed IVF, and they are more rubbish than birthdays!! xxx Hope you enjoyed the facepack though!! I always seem to get an itchy nose as soon as they are on!!! 

Hi Wendeth!! This is a brilliant board and everyone is lovely!!! I love the football story! I can imagine the two rosey faces!!!! Bless!!! Good luck with the tx hun, and the lovely frosties waiting for you! Looking forward to chatting to you more. x

Amanda, what's d-day hun? I think I've missed something sorry   Hope you had a good weekend, I legged it to Crawley on Thursday for some emergency shopping and had a long stop off at costa!!! xx

Hi to everyone else, sorry if I've missed anyone. Had a brill weekend, loads of xmas shopping done and all cards written, but like someone said on here, it really hit home how much I want to write 4 names on my cards, not 3. Especially when I've written about 50 cards with 4+ and several "bump" ones. Dh keeps saying next year, but he doesnt want to start til June time. Suppose that gives me enough time to up his wellman stuff and try and get the pcos under control but still. Its MONTHS away   I also had one of "those" conversations at school the other day, one mum asked me "is that your second? Third?" (new way of asking I suppose!) and when I said "only" you could see her think, oh you are one of those are you..... like Im a selfish person! Urgh. 

Sorry. Listen to me moan. Feel free to tell me to shut up, I wont take offence. Honest!!

Anyway! Off to have dinner now!!! 

Hope everyone is ok. 
xxxxxxx  xxxxxx


----------



## missyb

hey nanook honey are you ok if you need to talk please pm me     i know it sounds patronisig but it may be the hormones... i felt like that earlier... noone appreciates me, dp has been driving me nuts etc... but i think it's my hormones because im fine now and i know i love the girls and dp i just think hormones are evil things tha make you feel psycho one minute and want to burst into tears the next! 

amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi kate!! off to costa eh?? did you have to take out a mortgage?? lol xx i still need to do some of my xmas shopping but i have done over half of it.. 2008 will be your year hun      d-day is the day af is due.. im hoping she will forget about me this month and pass me by 4 9 mths... i doubt it though as me and dp could synchronise bms .. did quite a bit before the time but after we couldnt seem to get it together... i bought some pre-seed and i think that was a real passion killer!!!


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi Missy

I might do - thanks for the offer (although I wouldnt have a clue where to start to be honest)...  Hormones are **** I know, Ill see how I feel tom although I doubt things will have changed....  I just cant stand to look at his miserable face and have everything brushed under the flipping carpet for much longer!!  I know for a fact that if I didnt have Kane I wouldnt still be with him,,,, we have nothing to talk about half the time, no dreams or plans for the future together and anyway, he's scorpio - the most selfish ******** of the signs and Im Cancer, so theres no hope really


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya!

Yup Amanda, 1 hot choc, 1 tea, 1 choc mint frescata and 2 mince pies came to £13!!!   Good job they so yummy!!!

Good luck for d day hun, keeping it all crossed for you. 

Nanook, I've been there a few times with dh, just dont want to look at him or talk, but it's always been something to do with me rather than him. Hope its just hormones hunny and you can get through it. xx

We're off to Harrods in a bit to see Santa!! SO excited!! (for boo obviously   )

x


----------



## missyb

hi nanook hun.. im worried about you.. feel free to pm me.. it doesnt matter if it doesnt all make sense or you dont know where to start.. sometimes it just helps getting it all down hun xx       


hi kateag!! you are a shopping goddess lol!!!! hope you had a fab day in harrods!!! 

i have had a boring but relaxing day.. today is the start of a weeks annual leave.. im off to be inducted at the gym (told dp i was being induced at the gym but he said thats not the right term!!) tomorrow so no doubt i will be aching like a b i t c h and wishing i'd never joined.. im off to bodyjam on wed am which after 34 years of life has made me realise i have no co-ordination whatsoever!! i can do arms.. i can do legs... i just cant do both!!!!! 

hope you guys are all ok though


amanda xx


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya!!

Amanda, I do like to shop!! haha!! Poor dh!!! Have fun at the gym! Sounds painful!!

Harrods was great, but can you believe what santa said!? Do you have any brother and sisters at home? Boo said no, and he asked her if she would like a baby brother for xmas!?   She of course said yes!!! So now I've got some more explaining to do!!! 

Was a bit upset after that because I would like her to have a baby brother or sister as well. 



Hope everyone is ok. xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Is anyone else feeling ridiculously tired at the moment? I can't get myself motivated to do anything and it's Christmas in 2 weeks, aaghh!!

I just typed this message once but lost it as my message timed out for some reason, I didn't think I was being that slow, anyone know why that would have happend.


Kateag - I can't believe that Santa said that to your dd, you must have felt like punching him  . Perhaps you could tell your dd that she gets more presents as she doesn't have any siblings to have to share them with. 

Anyway must go and do something constructive!


Faithful


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi girls
Katie  I can't believe what Santa said to your dd! How utterly tactless!  Comments like that still rile me to be honest , but I trust my ds to make his own replies now as he's old enough to give them what for,and he's a lot like me and won't take such comments lightly.
I'm proud at how mature he is with regard to all of this, and he has given some very tactful replies in the past  and he has a knack of dealing with nosey, ill informed, tactless people 
When he was younger, about 6 years old, someone asked him if he'd like a baby brother or sister, and he replied "I would yes, but my mummy's tummy is broken I think, and she can't grow another baby in there at the moment!" needless to say this nosey woman was gobsmacked and the conversation ended rather abruptly  Bless his heart, I was so proud of him but the tug at my heart strings was immense 
If anything, his understanding and experience of our IF, I feel, will enable him to be a more sensitive, informed young man.
He's recently sat some of his exams (he's yr 11) and I've always coached him with his Sciences, especially Biology. He came home rather proud to say he "had to put my teacher right about ovulation and the hormones involved"  She had, apparently, gone on about how ovulation occurs, and which hormones are necessary etc, and how "_it is_"...and he challenged her "text book" idea of how it is...pointing out it should say "how it _should_ be" and that it wasn't the case for every woman  He even challenged her when she said "the woman will commence bleeding exactly 14 days after ovulation", to which he said "yes, but a woman _can_ bleed on day 28, but this does not necessarily mean she _did_ ovulate does it"  I think he ought to be a fertility consultant 

Nanook  are you ok sweetheart? I've been where you are a few times and can only say it's perfectly normal.
I don't think people realise how this impacts on your relationship do they  and how it can take its toll on even the strongest of relationships.
Please come and chat to us hun, if you can, if I'm around pm me and we can nip into the chatroom if you like? 
Hoping everyone else is ok.
Emilycaitlin I'm thinking of you hun 

Love to all
Take care
Gayn
XX


----------



## moominemma

Oh dear!! Not only do we have to avoid tactless friends but a tactless Santa! Is the world no longer a safe place for those with secondary infertility?!

Perhaps he was feeling smug...might have a couple nesting in that big belly of his!

Off to hide from Santa now!
Take care,
Emma x


----------



## *kateag*

Thanks girlies!!!

Was slightly shocked but I suppose thinking about it, I wasn't wearing my "I CANT HAVE ANOTHER ONE SO DON'T ASK ME" T-shirt!! Would have decked him one if I did!! 

Gayn, wow to your ds!!! Def a doctor in the making and maybe even one with sympathy!! I would have loved to have seen the look on her face when he corrected her!!! 

I'm meant to be working so better get a wriggle on, be back later girls. xxxx


----------



## missyb

hi guys!! just a quickie as im making a cake (dont ask what possessed me.. i blame delia myself!) well af decided to suprise me today 3 days before she was due!! she really is a bi tch!! oh well lets eat drink and be merry after all it is xmas!!

aw kate i've never trusted santa anyway!! how tactless  

hi gayn.. loved the story about your ds.. it was soooo sweet... by the time ive saved up for treatment he might be qualified!!!

hi nanook.. thinking about you.

hi suzy hun how are you?? how did you get on today??

hi faithful how are you feeling?? i have been v tired.. not sure if it's the weather or what because today with a bit of daylight (and even with af) i feel so much better.. even went to the gym and had my induction... i looked so awful but feel much better for it!!

hi cinders... thank you so much for the texts hun.. you are a superstar... 

hi rachel how are you doing hun xx

lots of love to all who i havent mentioned. xx


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

hi Girls       
I am so sorry I have been awol, have had a few very sober nights out in a row and a busy weekend but I am back now.
You have been chattering for the world again!!!

Just to let you know my scan went well (and thanks for all of you asking) we saw a blob with a pulsing bit and we were all so relieved to see it, the lady said she could only see one for now but we would see a lot more by next week and she has booked me another scan for 9 jan so my objective has been achieved as I am now officially on their books and have not had to wait for bham to refer me back.  I also asked to have  different consultant as the one I had who I think is the top guy peed me off with the lateness and incorrectness of his letter so felt quite empowered by that as well.  Feel so much happier now I have seen there is something in there and am so grateful to Ang for this wonderful chance!  She has agreed to come to scan next monday so am looking forward to that.  dh has decied to call beanie blob which everyone is concerned about as ds ended up with his bump name permantley   - will pm it to anyone who is interested!!!

As its late and I am tired I cannot promise to mention everyone but will try

Cinders -  when are you off to lapland? is it soon and how excited are you all getting?  Keep thinking of your fuse box scenerio and was thinking of that as an option for the party we were not invited to!!! but found out it was a bowling one and have kind of passed that now and am looking forward to organising his in Feb - am thinking of a laser quest one as you have to be 6 and its his sixth bday the only trouble being he wants to invite the one that did not invite him and not sure whether to sink to the level of rise above it!!! I am very proud of you for sending that book to your friend and hope you get the response you so derserve.  I know that empty arms thing was written for primary if I think its the same for 2ndy and it would not take much to change it to cover that and the waiting and tx is the same.

pand -      its so lovely to hear you sounding a bit more chirpy!  I am glad you are enjoying the car and I bet you are so looking foward to getting the roof down in the spring.  You know I could see you in the police now you say and you are an excellent teacher so you are obviously a great all rounder and an asset to any company!  I hope that ds enjoys his party - what are you doing for it
Good luck for Dring!!!!   - think if you can just cut drinking altogether or just have a couple on special ocasions.  I hve had to be so sober and its quite hard esp at chrimbo.  I dont feel very sick just a bit of nausea sometimes, i never felt sick with ds but of course it could yet happen!  good luck with tx.  How did the counselling and bloods go.    fingers crossed and hope the nightmares stop soon.

lainey -      as ever thinking of you and sending you lost of      so hope you start to feel better soon although know its a long hard journey and you have been through so much and its so unfair.  can you believe I read something else about molar preg - from never hearing about it - to seeing it a few times is weird.  so hope you are ok 

nanook - you made me laugh so much about the supermarket incident   and missby is so right how lovely if we could all go out together in a gang marouding the streets and flicking the vs and insensitive over fertile people!!!!    I could so imagine the scene as well. I am sorry dh and you are having a rough patch but its so normal and If does have this bad impact on us. Dh and i were terrible this time last year and have been so up and down and he spends a lot of his time in his grump.  Despite our lovely news today he is having a go at me for buying a few 2 for 1 choc that I want to give to the music teacher and it teacher and dinner ladies and post ladies and we end up arguing!  I think men are just so diff to us and dont realise what we go through and that sometimes a hug and a there there it will be alright comment would be nice.  anyway thinking of you honey and sending you lost of     I hope your tree has stayed up!  We are all here for you and you are a wonderful person and have been through so much - be kind to yourself,  i am the same with my ds and he often ends up in my bed and sometimes despite our large bed dh goes in the other room

emily caitlin - thinking of you   

kateag   Santas comment was shocking but he was probably totally ignorant of what he was saying. Sorry you are getting such insenstive comments from all corners.  i do wonder whether sometimes people just say it to make convo, last night we went out with old work people ie 7 years ago and one said how many kids have you got now, I did not take it bad as i know he meant well and of course i had a bub inside but thought after perhaps he was just a way of starting a convo.  sounds like you are very organised too.

moon - hope you are ok, how are you doing.

wendeth - nice to talk to you again ! and glad you are feeling at home here, its lovely you meet up once a week with the others but you will soon realise how relaxing it is on here to be able to talk about your children without worrying about others feelings esp when we are all so sensitive. so hope af arrives soon- sounds like you have quite a hard time ahead with dh moving down ahead of you - do hope it all works out as stress free as possible 

mrs chaos- I think you ds is amazing and how clever and brave of him to start arguing the case in biology!!! its so true though that they generalise is so much and there are so many different things that can happen and of course they did not mention ivf when we were at school as it was only just starting out.  my ds is quite knowledgeable too and its so nice and can only be doing them good.  They are probably more knowledgeable and senistive than a lot in the prof!! ok slight exageration but you know what I mean!

fabizzy - nice to hear from you again and hope you keep posting - it takes a while to keep up and we are right chatterboxes but keep coming back.

missby -     so sorry about af and early too - i thought you being tired was so promising - although think everyone is feeling like that due to the time of year its so dull and dreary - to behonest have asked dh for a light box for chrimbo as do seem to be affected by this SAD, even with my wonderful news its easy to feel down and sensitve about things.  I have also been listening a bit more to this cd the secret about how out thoughts are lke magnets and attract what we are thinking about and what we need to do is think about postive thoughts and outcomes we want rather than negative ones - very hard I know but I am trying and instead of going over and over things that have happened that have upset me am trying to stop them in mid thought as it were.  when I listen to more I will let you know.  How was the cake!!!  Thanks for reading my diary and hope not too boring! Ang has posted more and she is talking about how anti dh was to begin with which he was but he has complete circle now and seems to have forgotten all that and does not understand how we women remember everything. Anyway he is her biggest fan now but it must have been hard for Ang but at least we have always been honest from the start.  She is also saying she might donate again now - think as she has such good eggs that would be lovely.  its funny reading the diaries and threads though because sometimes you find stuff out you did not know about the person!! i think sometimes we post so much and on diff threads its hard to remember exact what has been said to whom!

faithful -     how are you doing honey -sorry you lost a post, i think sometimes even though we are typing it takes it as inactive
thinking about it am going to post this and modify it as you cn do it that way too.

dizzy - how are you hope you are ok too

hope i have not missed anyone out and love and hugs if I have.
I have been mrs taxi and got a very very drunk dh home from chester in the early hours on frid and was so glad i did as he was in such a state but he gave me a real run around about where he was and i was not too happy.  Think I might start charging him for all the driving i have been doing.  Its certainly a diff world without wine esp when you watch everyone else!  I am so happy though and relieved and just wish you could share with me.

take care my lovelies and happy christmas and so hope you all get your dreams in 08 
         

.


----------



## Wendeth

Wow Suszy that was a seriously long post!  AF still not arrived.  the clinic have asked me to do pg test on monday (as if!) and call them by day 58 if still not started and they will start to regulate my cycles.  We're off down south on Friday to Dorset to look at a rental property from an agency i found thanks to Eli G from the Dorset thread. I am continually bowled over by how much support we give each other in this arena.  Women really are lovely people! So fingers crossed I might have a house in January... although this will mean a 6 hour round trip to get to the clinic...   I still have plenty of friends where i live now, so will stay over night if necessasy...

Hi Missyb/Amanda, sorry to hear AF came early. How disappointing for you.   

Gayn - I was very very very impressed by what your ds said to his teacher.  My ds has also come out with comments which have knocked me sideways with emotion. When our IVF failed in 03, i remember going to a coffee morning with ds the next week (i was still new at the RAF base here then) and someone asked if i was planning to have or had any more children, and ds replied for me saying mummy can't grow any more babies.  he was only 3!  I rushed out of the room in tears, obviously   It's amazing what they pick up and digest.  He knows the basics of reproduction, eggs+sperm and he knows i don't have any more eggs - so hopefully if my frosties decide to implant, it will be easier to explain to him.  He tells people i have no more eggs if they ask him if he has any brothers/sisters/would he like anymore...? and i just love watching their embarressed faces.  Knowing him, he would have responded to santa like that too and probably given him a kick for being rude!  

Gotta go, school's out in 30 mins and i've not had lunch yet.  

hi to Kateag, Emma, Faithful, Nanook and Cinders.  My DH is also Scorpio and is very very good at hiding emotion and keeping secrets/forgetting to tell me stuff... but that may be a miliary thing.  He is also intensely loyal, honest and runs very deep although appears very shallow   and childish at times, just like me  

xx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
I hope everyone is well?
We are supposed to be sorting the rest of the Christmas garlands out tonight so I think I need a nice bottle of red wine to accompany me  It's not easy with 2 playful cats, 3 terriers and a boisterous labrador (and a partridge in a pear tree)   
Just about done my Christmas shopping and braved the merry throng, although I had my pg belly/pushchair radar on full speed, EVERYWHERE I went seemed to be fit to bursting with babies  It's so hard isn't it...especially when you're almost skittled by a boisterous toddler who happens to be the most gorgeous little thing in the whole world 

We've been invited for drinks at my ds girlfriends and although we're thrilled, it all makes me feel a bit old  We've met them before and they're a lovely couple, and we get on well, but it's just when you sit there, chatting, drinking etc and you think "hang on...we're at ds in-laws!"   (so to speak) feels very weird and somewhat premature  It's a far cry from previous Christmases with friends when the chat was dominated by "so does your ds want the latest Action Man or is he into such and such this year"  
Mind you...I still get that warm and fuzzy feeling when he opens his prezzies, and embarrass the pants off him with video-ing him 

If only his "what I would like for Christmas list" was as simple and cheap now as it was back when he was at primary school!  (he'd like an X-Box 360, or a Laptop)  Don't suppose I could convince him to take up Lego again  What do you all reckon? 

Right am off for a mooch
Sending huge hugs to everyone, Suszy, Cinders, Pand, Lainey, Nanook, Gabrielle, Missyb, Fabizzy, Dizzy Emilycaitlin  Kateag, Wendeth, Moon and anyone I have missed 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Hurray, got an email today from my consultant so can get on with getting IUI sorted at last  .  Apparently I can either have an iui chat at the clinic for free or pay to see Consultant which will be quicker. I think I'll ring up the clinic tomorrow to see how long I'll have to wait to get in there, my dh isn't keen on doing anything over xmas period anyway as he doesn't want to rush anything - (I'm not really sure what he means by that as we've been trying for 3 years on our own - it's hardly rushing is it?!!!) In some ways I would like to see the Consultant again and run some questions past him so I'll have to chat to dh later and see what he says!

Suszy - glad the scan went well, you must have been nervous.  I remember when i went for my first scan with my dd I was nervous enough then and I got pregnant with her without even trying, I think I'd be a nervous wreck if I ever got pregnant again!

Gayn - I know what you mean, pg bellies everywhere at the moment!!  And they've all got toddlers with them as well - it's so not fair!!!

Anyway, must go and do tea and help dd write her xmas cards, think she might be putting them all in the wrong envelopes!!

Hugs to everyone  

Faithful xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Just popping to say hi. Puter being bad... 
But just HAD to try and post...
*BAD*  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies!

Just a quickie tonight as am very tired after a VERY trying day!  My dear little git bag in my class today decided to punch me several times and then tried to bite me!  I most definitely DO NOT get paid enough!

Just wanted to say high to everyone and that I'm still around.  Thanks for the advice re: alcohol and down regging etc.  Will try to keep it to a minimum but if I'm going to be down regging for a few weeks then I will have to treat myself over Christmas or I will go loopy!

Suzy - thanks for your text and lovely words in your mammouth post!  We missed those when you were'nt around!  I'm so pleased your scan went well.  You so deserve for this all to work out for you.  Here's looking forward to next Monday.

Hi to everyone else including Cinders, Missyb, Lainey-lou, Lyndalou, Faithful, Nanook, Mrs Chaos, Wendeth and Kateag!  Sorry if I've missed anyone!

Take care all.
Love Pand


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies!!!

Yet another flying post sorry, but just wanted to say hi! Hope everyone is ok. 

Cannot believe xmas is round the corner.... IM NOT READY!!!!!  

  to cinders, pand, amanda, lainey, nanook, mrs chaos, wendeth, faithful and lynda and everyone else!!!

x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!!


how are we today?? i was going to be a good girl and go to bodyjam but instead i slept in, was a lady wot lunched and did some xmas shopping!! im soooo enjoying having a week off and i dont want to go back to normality!! 


hi pand fab to hear from you! what a brat.. i couldnt be a teacher because the urge to dink him one back would be too great and i guess parents dont like you damaging their precious ones! you sooooooo dont get paid enough... at least if one of my patients gets a bit narky and kicks off at least we can sedate them!! (god i sound bad... i blame the hormones!)

hi suzy.. fab to hear that your scan went well.. im sooo relieved and pleased for you. the cd sounds good so you'll have to tell me what pearls of wisdom it relays. is ange going to donate again? thats fab.. she is amazing.. have you heard from her lately?? tell her i said hi.. the cake was fab.. dp said it was the best carot cake he's ever had.. thats 1 up for trusty delia!! (doh was just going to ask you what or who Dring is.. have just worked it out... duurrrrrr)

hi cinders!! bash the puter.. it works for me!! (ha ha my laptop died so im on lovely dp's!) yes when is your hol? do u have room for a few more?? thank you for the texts hun xx


hi faithful thats fab news about the iui.. keep us posted as to how you get on xx

hi gayn... i laughed at your post about presents!! my girls are definatley at the age where they want more than barbie!! having said that i have still said no to a laptop just yet as they still dont know how to look after things properly!! i mean they cant even bring their cardies home from school and they are attached to them!!! i know what you mean about pg bellies and toddlers... how is it going with the garlands?? wine and garlands and the animals.. conjers up a comedy image!!!

hi wendeth.. good luck for fri hun.. people are v kind and supportive on this thread.. would you consider changing cons or would you rather stay where you are?? you know what they say about new house new baby   

hi kateag.. shopping goddess!! how are you?

hi nanook..thinking of you xx 

hi to lainey-lou, honeyprincess, rachel,emilycaitlin and anyone else ive missed out...

me and dp have just worked out that our possible fertile time is xmas day.. so im going to try and b positive!!! 


love to all


amanda xx


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies!

Day off for me today and I was meant to be attacking the housework but so far my bottom hasn't moved from the sofa!!! 

Amanda, hmmm shopping huh!! Hope you had a lovely day, did you get all your xmas bits done?

Hope everyone is ok, it's been quiet on here today!! 

xxx


----------



## nanook

helloooooooooooooo

Hormones are more controlled now, although still dosent feel right...  we'll get christmas out of the way and then see.

Thanks for all your support guys, and missy I really dont know how to pm you, Ive never done it before - I know Im so blonde I need to have these things spelt out for me!!    Please dont worry about me, Ill be fine I always am..........

Two good bits of news are that I have got in touch with the friend I was telling you about and we are meeting up next Thurs.  She had a baby girl and has sent me a photo and Im really pleased    The baby is a gorgeuos little girl! really perfect...

Also, I have a job interview!!!!!  Its for the NSPCC and Im so excited about it.  I already do a bit of fundraising for them, but I have wanted to work there for ages!  I saw the job a couple of weeks ago which was mad cos I havent really been actively looking for a job so Im hoping its kinda fate (I always over romaniticise things!).  Anyway I received an email and a letter today confirming I have been shortlisted for an interview next Friday!!!!!!  Im really nervous cos I havent worked for over Two years, and havent been to an interview or anything so keep em crossed for me!!  It would be SO rewarding working somewhere where Im actually interested in the cause!  Its an admin job, and probably quite distressing at times but Im really excited about it!

So, things ,may be looking up!  (I hope).

On the downside my car failed its MOT yesterday on lots of things, which is a bummer cos I havent even passed my test yet (have the first one at the end of Jan...).  It seems everyone wants money at the mo and we just havent got any!! 

Sorry I havent really done any personals but I will have a proper read in a mo and type another 1 probably, you know what Im like!!    

xx


----------



## Wendeth

Hi Nanook, brilliant news about your friend wanting to meet up with you. hope all goes well on both counts next Thursday and Friday - I find job interviews are ok as long as I'm sort of prepared for the awful questions  so I write down the most difficult questions I can think of, and then try to say the answers out loud - eg why do you want this job...? what makes you think you can do this job well, what do you bring to this job, why should we employ you, etc - you know, that ones that make you cringe? I find it really helpful and then always have my set answers in my head ready - otherwise im usually like a rabbit in headlights!  and can't think of a thing!  Sending you lots of  . I went back to work in January and joined lots temp agencies looking for work - by the 8th agency, my typing speed had got back up to 74wpm and my interview technique was better!  .

Sorry girls, I have to admit, i honestly haven't seen a single pg woman out on the streets today...  I just don't look for them. My life is very stressed altho positive, and dwelling on _not_ being pg and 'everyone else' being pg would only get me down, so i don't consider it...  If you look for something, you'll find it. I tend to be distracted by the sunshine, or the colours of the buildings/trees, or window displays and whether i'm hungry or not... and hardly notice the people around me...  Most people consider me quite odd. 

   for everyone.

Wendeth x


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Well we didn't get to put the garlands up  I had a bit of a meltdown after some rather insensitive comments from my mum made my head spin and flip off my shoulders  didn't even open the wine as I would have downed the whole bottle 
I spent the night in a bit of a strop and festered about how best to deal with the increasingly ill informed and hurtful remarks from my (albeit well meaning) mother, who attempts to comfort my infertility with remarks such as "well love, you are a bit too old now to be thinking of another child anyway", and "So...when are you going to stop all of this then" (she meant ttc I "think"...as if it's some kind of bloody sadistic pleasure I have inflicted upon myself!) and how I'm "probably on the menopause", or how it "really wouldn't be fair on ds now" and how I can "give more to one than two children!" (aaaarrrggghhh!)   didn't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, slap her silly or jump off a bridge 
All of this was happening in between her telling me how my sil (who is pg with her 2nd child, eldest is going on 3 yrs, and both took 2 months to conceive) is REALLY suffering with morning sickness, and is REALLY struggling with work, my niece AND being pg  

STICK SOME NEEDLES IN MY EYES PLEASE MOTHER IT CAN'T POSSIBLY HURT ME ANYMORE CAN IT!?  
I came home and didn't know what to say to my dh, so said nothing, as he would have flipped 

I have spent today doing b*gger all as I tossed and turned last night and am knackered, as I was all night thinking on how I could get through to my mum, how could I let her know how I feel, and concluded I'd probably have more luck juggling snot...so am not going to bother wasting any more time even trying.
She said to me "I don't even know why you want another one, you have ds" Yes, I do know! but...I don't have a child with my dh and no-one seems to understand how sad that makes us  (apart from here on FF)

Has anyone else experienced this with family?  please tell me I'm not alone in bearing the brunt of such tactless comments 

Well...my cheerful post and vent for the day 

Nanook   fab news on the job interview! All the best of luck with that hunni 

Wendeth, lucky you not seeing pg bellies everywhere you go and babies. 5 of our neighbours, 4 friends, 2 relatives, and 3 close friends have bumps and/or babies so hard to avoid unless I become a recluse 
I cope normally, but for some reason seem to having a bit of a wobble at the moment  is there a full moon?  

Right, best go and get tea as got a meeting later and not walked the hounds, think it's time for the thermals to come out...maybe my mum is right...I AM too old...as I have thermal undies 

Love and hugs to all 
Gayn
XX


----------



## *kateag*

Hi

Gayn, hun!   Mothers eh. I hate to say it but mine is exactly the same bless her! She has her moments of understanding and can be really lovely but I think it's a generation thing, the "if it doesnt work forget it" type thing. I've had several of the comments along with the "it will happen" "when you stop trying it will happen straight away" blah blah! 

I think you did very well not opening the wine hun, give yourself a night off from thinking tonight. You will feel better for it and have a clearer head, maybe you could write a letter to your mum? Sending you massive hugs hun, xxx

Wendeth, you are a very luck lady not noticing! I seem to have the most fertile family & friends around!! Well done you not noticing. 

Nannok, glad you feel a bit better hun and glad you are meeting up with your friend. Also, Good luck with the job interview!! Everything is crossed for you hun!! Really hope you get it!

Hope everyone else is doing ok. 

xxx


----------



## lainey-lou




----------



## *kateag*

Are you ok hun? 

x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Kate

I am alright.  Had a few drinks last night and was a bit tearful when I got home.  Went out with all the mums from the school and felt a bit down afterwards, you know how it is.

Still no sign of AF, five weeks tomorrow    Had first blood test results this week, they are good but still not normal.  I have to have more tests on 20 December.

Where is everyone  

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

guys i have just typed out a really long post and lost it all!!!

i will be back... im just going to go to the gym and face town!!! not looking forward to it!!


lots of love


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

right lets try again!!

been to the gym (omg is THAT whats supposed to be good for you )

lainey.. how are you doing?? it can be so hard to get into the spirit of things after whats happened to you..hope your tests go well on thursday xx

hello kateag.. how is my shopping goddess?? lol

hi nanook.. how are things?? im so sorry that things dont feel right.. im so sorry about the car too... i hate when things go wrong with my car coz you just know it's going to cost £ the job sounds fab!! good luck with the interview xx

hi wendeth.. i wish i was a bit more like you.. i dont think i go looking for pg women... but you notice it more because you wish it was you!! (pick me!!) it's like being on a diet.. i become obsessed with food and see it everywhere!!

hi gayn... aw hun sooooooo with you... my mum said the same thing to me not so long ago.. im going to be 35 in jan (although mentally im stuck at 19) but im quite conscious of my age from a ttc point of view. dp doesnt have any children and i'd so love to have his baby. i had an awful time with my ex h when i was pg with the girls and i just feel that this time things would be so different for me... i have a career now, a loving relationship and i just feel so much better prepared for it all... the people closest to us you expect them to be more sensitive towards IF but alas that is not always the case! your post did make me larf though as you have a fab SOH so keep your chin up chick.


ok girls not much to report from me so i will wish you all a fab weekend! hi to cinders,dizzylou, suszy, rachel, honeyprincess and emilycaitlin... sorry if ive forgotten anyone!!


amanda xx


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies

Guess where I've been today   Bluewater!!   BUT I am finally done on ALL the shopping!! Wooohooo!! Boo went to my parents so dh and I had lunch and shopped in peace!!

Lainey, hope you are ok hun, good luck for the tests, what are they saying is going on? xxx

Amanda, are you mad!?! Gym!?!? Nooooo!!! How you doing mrs!!? 

Hope everyone is doing ok! I'm booked in for my baseline scan on wednesday, to check all is quiet in there before starting clomid! Quite scared, as the last 2 baselines for the ivf's have shown up problems! Either pco at the 1st and pcos at the 2nd! What extra letter will I get this time!!! Hoping to start the clomid on feb's af, so that I'm not thinking am I aren't I at euro disney, what do you think? 

Hope you are all ok. xxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Morning girls
sorry I went off for a few days, not sure what my excuse is other than we have had a few nights out and I am the constant taxi driver, it sure is a different world without wine but of course its all worth it its just you dont feel like going out so much.

kateag-    you sound like such a shopper - does you dh not mind, mine goes mad at me spending money and must admit we have got through a bit these last few days, he accused me of being able to spend 500 without going out the other day and that was not even on the internet!!!! Then he had to buy a new washing machine yesterday and we paid 100 more and got a warranty (as I thought I would do more washing by next summer!!) and its right on the wall to our next door neigbours lounge and our old one was soo loud.  He also bought my pressie I think a camera so I suppose its been expensive esp with the tx and the campervan to do.  Its just he moans all the time about it, I think I really need to do some money saving things though!  Good luck with the scan on wed and hope that it goes ok, as ever I would recommend Bach rescue remedy to calm your nerves!

missby-    glad you are enjoying the gym not its hard to get into it isnt it!!!!, sorry about losing your post its such a pain in the ****!!!! - sometimes I have posted it and then modified on screen like I do with my diary if I see a spelling mistake!!!!!  Agree with you about Gayns sense of humour its amazing isnt it?  Sorry your family not so understanding sometimes.  Sounds like you had a good day the other day not doing bodyjam!! and having lunch instead, must admit since not doing the gym have gone out to lunch a bit too much and dh having a go at that as well re the money so think I will have to start doing them at home!!!!!!  I tend to speak/email or text Ang probably not every day but every other or few days and of course we meet up tomorrow which is lovely. It will be the first time I have seen here since getting the bfp and of course the last time I saw her I was on the bed with my legs in stirups!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I read on another post that she is donating again, we have not spoken about it but there is loads in the media and on the donor threads about donors ie should their details be put on the birth cert one proposal by a woman in gov, then the case of the lesbian couple who talked their friend into donating, they had twins and split up and one is trying to claim child support of the donor and then the whole issue of what you should tell the child and the whole anoyominty thing is really not helping the case for getting more donors.  Its a real minefield!    on christmas day - bit of champers nice food and choc sounds like fun!!!!!!!!

cinders -    how are you sweetheart, its such a pain when the comp plays up, we are thinking of and missing you , hope all is ok with you    . Have you got everything sorted for chrimbo??

fabrizzy -    how are you sweetheart - you gone a bit quiet again.

dizzy -    hope you are ok sweetheart??

faitfhfull -   I think we will always be worried about scans - its in our nature.  Good luck with the IUI appt.

Mrs Chaos -    sending you lots of      the way you write is so good and it made me laugh and cry at the same time, one of those bittersweets moments where you feel sympathy but cannot help being amused at the same time.  I think its the instant understanding we all have of each others positions and what we have been through, even if not exactly the same its still very similiar and it makes us kindred spirits.  Are you still posting on over 10 board or has it gone quiet?  

Wendeth -    your approach to life sounds wonderful and amazing, i am into appreciating the beauty of nature etc and love views and looking at lovely things but i also have this knack of noticing everything else, whether someone has dropped something, whether someone looks happy or sad and at school, who stands with whom, whom is talking to whom, whom is not talking to me, who does not invite DS to parties, who is inviting who to tea etc and just wish I did NOT I am trying to make a consiuos effort but just dont seem to be able to help it.  Its eased off a little now I have my good news but of course before that my radar picked up any preg talk I just wish i could be chilled like you - how do you do it?  What was it like going back to work, sometimes i wonder if I should do that to shut my dh up, how do you manage with the school run etc and do you find it worth it sometimes the temp agencies make so much from you that you dont have much left.?

nanook -    soz about the car, you also sound like one strong lady. such good news re the interview, I was in admin/sec and if could work for a nice company/org like that would like to go back!  Good luck for the interview, I am sure you could post for other advice on here although Wendeths sounded brill.  Hope it goes alright with your friend on thursday and good luck for the interview on friday  

Lainey        so sorry honey re you having tears the other night, I am the same with wine either getting over emotional or having a go at people - it all just comes out doesnt it.  So sorry sweetheart. thinking of you and sending you lots of love and healing and   . I look back at some of the nights out I went on with the mums from various groups esp when they were preg or just had one and think perhaps it was not the best thing for me.  I am also determined not to bore the pants of people about talking about my preg! all the time when I am out.  It feels so weird as you know at this stage because you cannot help but be worried, I had a bit of blood yesterday and then nothing - its such a worry but at least have another scan tomorrow. Good luck with the bloods on 20 Dec.

Pand -     hope ds party went well at the weekend and thanks so much for your support and text - it was so sweet of you!! and made my weekend!!!! thanks - good luck with d/r and the lack of alchol its the hard part!!!!!!! although if you fancy one then have one.  Hope you recovered from the tiredness and cannot believe the little git that bit you!  How is the car??

Right girls that is about it - I am looking forward to scan tomorrow and am going to ask a few more bits and pieces about the whole donor thing- still not sure how some of it works, ie where the info is kept ie the child is allowed to contact donor at 18, obviously we are telling child from day one and keeping in contact with Ang as she is my friend but its just to know really.  I still have not told that many people and it feels weird and still not exactly sure what going to say ie ivf but people know my history and they know how old I am so its a bit hard - sometimes think it would be lovely to just start again somewhere.  Ds is being so sweet still he kisses my tummy and is coming to the scan tomorrow even though he is missing doing a ginger bread house with sweets!!!! Hopefully he will see more  I just want him to be part of it and he wants to be!!!  We have also told him that he wont be able to muck about going to bed when we have the baby!!!!  anyway will let you know how I get on.
as ever girls sending you all lots of love and good vibes and happiness and luck    and hugs   and so hope that 08 is the year for 2ndy IF  - we need some more good luck on here, we are having a really good roll on the DE thread !
Still finding it hard to take in!!!  Wish i could say all my other issues have gone away but of course they have not!!!!!
Thinking of getting a light box for chrimbo!!!!
lots of love
take care my sweets
love
susie


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi girls
just wanted to pop in and say thanks for your messages and lovely pms 
I'm having a crap time at the moment so not around really 
Just wanted to say hi, and send you all lots of  
Will be back soon 
Take care all 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! how are we doing??

i've had quite a nice but busy weekend and i cant believe that my weeks' annual leave is nearly over and that it is back to the grind tuesday!! me and dp are going 2 be healthy.. he's going for a swim tomorrow and im going to the gym... but then we are going for lunch  

hi kateag... omg so you've done all of your xmas shopping?? you are a superstar.. im in a panic and have some last minute shopping to do friday.. i do have sunday but it's the works xmas party sat night and i have a feeling i will be watching hangover tv and wanting junk food!! i avoided last years do as i was working the next day but this year i have to attend... im always scared of making an ass of myself... ho hum.. im leaving soon so what the hell!!

hi susie...fab to hear from you hun.. what a mammoth post!!! it was such a pain to loose my post as i had typed out sooo much.. the air was blue!! say hi to ange for me when you see her tomorrow.. i have read things about egg donors and i agree that some of the things in the media dont help the cause...oooohhh the champers and chocs for xmas   sounds fab.... i have to admit im feeling very negative about it all which doesnt help... i try and be positive and visualise myself getting a bfp but i cant seem to get out of this mindset...when is your next scan hun did you get any pics from your last one??

hi gayn are you ok honey?? feel free to pm me if you need to chat,cry,rant whatever... i can give you my mobi if that helps?   

hi rachel... im v worried about you... ring me if you get a chance hun xx

hi cinders.. when is it that you are off to lapland?? hope puter behaving   could you ask santa for an xmas time bfp for me.. tell him i have been good (if not a little moody) and i will do better next year 

hi pand... hope you are still being positive..

hi lainey... hope you are ok hun.. you know where i am if you need me..

right guys... im off to spend some time with dp.


love to all xx


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi guys - sorry have not been on all weekend and have just popped in now to say hi before I go to bed.... catch up duringthe week my lovely, lovely friends ..................... xxxx

Have been wrapping presents so feel v. chirstmassy..  xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone

Susie - good luck tomorrow lovie.  I hope it all goes well.  I have been thinking of you and checking on your progress even if I haven't been posting much   

Cinders - enjoy Lapland.  I think it is Tuesday you are going, right?  I hope you have fun.  

Missyb - Glad you have enjoyed your week off.  I only have to work Tues and Thurs this week and then I break up for Christmas and don't go back until 8 Jan.  HOORAY!  

Nanook - glad your friend got in touch, I thought she would.  I hope you have a good time when you meet up.   

Gayn -   parents eh!  They drive you mad.  I suppose that no-one can understand unless they have been through this living hell.  I hope you are ok.  

Kate - I am impressed that you have finished all your shopping, i have loads still to do.  RE: the clomid, I think only you can decide when to start it.  Personally, I am impatient so would want to start NOW!    

Dizzy - hope you are getting on ok  

Pand - how are you   Still feeling optimistic?  Hope so  

Sorry I haven't been around a lot, not been feeling too good.  Just spending a lot of time alone, thinking things through and trying to recover from/come to terms with everything that has happened to me lately.  Still feel a bit shell-shocked by it all but hoping for a quiet Christmas to recouperate.

Have also had a nasty cold, no voice whatsoever!  Still no sign of AF aswell   5 weeks, 2 days and counting!

Love 

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Just realised I didn't let you know my test results.  My pg hormone has gone from 31,000 to 20!  They are very pleased with that but say it isn't "normal" until it goes under 5.  Even when it gets to the normal level I still have to be monitored for a few months to make sure it doesn't come back but it is heading in the right direction.

I have another test on Wednesday, I will let you know how that goes.  Still no sign of AF  

Pand - forgot to say good luck for tomorrow with the d regging  

Susie - please put your scan pic on if you can    Hope it's gone well today.

Love to everyone else.

Lainey x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

typed a post earlier and lost it, and then typed a post saying that i'd lost a post and that one disappeared too!!!  Am such a technophobe!

Anyway am quite pleased as booked my pretreatment IUI chat this morning for 9th Jan, so at least I have a date to be working towards now, although because of cycle i don't think i'll be able to start the actual treatment until the end of Jan - oh well gives us a few weeks to detox i guess.

Must be quick before i lose post again!

Lainey - that sounds like good news about your hormones, not much further to go down now.

Kateag - hope your scan was ok - was it today?  It's always a bit nervewracking as to what they will find when they're poking around down there!

Pand - hope you're ok about starting injections etc, it's this week isn't it?

Everyone else - hope you're all ok - and as ill prepared for Christmas as me!!!

Got to go and take dd to swimming lesson now.


Hugs  

Faithful


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!


how are we doing i have been a good girl and been to the gym... omg what hard work that is!! i have a feeling that im going to end up with legs like a rugby player!!


hi lainey.. so glad that your hormone levels are moving in the right direction. good luck for wednesday. you lucky minx having all of that time off!!!! i soooo dont want to go back tomorrow  dont spend too much time on your own hun..    
you have my mobi and you can always call txt if you need to cry shout etc.

hi faithful... great news about your appt... the ball is rolling now eh hun??    

hi nanook.. how are you doing hun?? 

hi gayn... ive txt you.. hope you are ok   


right im off to check diaries and find my uniform and to make sure my soap dodging dd's have a bath!!!


lots of love



amanda xx


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girls. 

Amanda, at the gym again!? Blimey! Good for you!!! Hope you doing ok xxx

Faithfull, great news about the app hun, the time will fly by til then, will be keeping it all crossed for you hun! (Well, nearly everything   )

Gayn, hope you are doing ok hun, 

Hi to everyone else, hope you all ok, my scan is wednesday, still nervous!!!

xxxxxx to everyone!
x


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies!

Sorry I haven't posted all weekend.  Had a mad one organising my ds's 5th birthday party on Sunday which went really well for the most part, apart from my mil completely deffing my son at his birthday party in favour of his baby cousin who she spent the entire time cooing over.  She barely spoke a word to my boy.  It really hurts, she's only interested in my ds when the baby isn't about and none of my dh's family have asked me how I am for months!  Anyway, ds loved his nintendo ds and is a very happy little boy!  He really is such a sweetie!

I'm a bit too tired for loads of personals but there were a few catch ups I wanted to mention:

Nanook - I used to be a child protection officer for the West Mids Police so if there is anything you want to ask me before your interview on Friday fire away (although my knowledge may be a little rusty as I left the police about 4 years ago).  I'd love to help if I can!

Mrs Chaos - As you can see from my comments above I suffer regularly from insensitive comments/actions from both sides of my family.  It infuriates me and I was so angry when I read your post.  But as someone else said, they are from a different generation, who rarely suffered from IF cos they all had babies in their twenties cos they weren't expected to work for a living.  Today it's a requirement if you want somewhere to live!  We understand your pain tho flower, so just come on here and vent if you need to.

Lainey - I'm so sorry you are still so down.  I've been having some counselling and it's really helped me.  I know its not everyone's cup of tea but have you considered it?  If nothing else it's so nice to be able to talk to someone exclusively about yourself without worrying about boring them or causing offence.  I hope that 2008 brings you more happiness than this year mate I really do.

I'm sorry if I've missed anyone out, but I have been thinking of you all I promise!  Will catch up properly soon.

As for me, went for my first down regging appointment today.  I was so nervous beforehand and kept wondering how it had come to all of this.  But the actual injection was a doddle, largely thanks to the mountains of blubber on my tummy and all of the numb spots following my operations!  There had to be an up side somewhere!  Still, the down side is that cos they are revamping the lab, our baseline isn't til 18th Jan, and EC won't be til 31st Jan!!! Eeek!  I should be a complete raving hormonal nightmare by then!  Still, one step at at time.  

Will keep you all posted.

Love and hugs

Pand


----------



## Pand

Sorry, I forgot Susie!  How could I!?

I was thrilled to get your text today and I'm really glad that your scan went well.  Onwards and upwards now flower.  Fingers crossed for a healthy and trouble free pregnancy.  Take care flower and speak soon.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Sorry have been awol, just been manically trying to sort out last xmas bits, and worrying that we haven't got enough layers for Lapland! (friday.)
Got my writing assignment back, 76% so not complete disaster!!! No book offers yet though!!!
Lainey, hun. Sorry have not been here for you  . Been thinking about you.  
Well done on starting d/r Pand, time'll fly cos of xmas anyway, ec will be here before you know it!
Missyb, good on ya with the gym  .
Suszy, good to know all is well... .
Bit confused with our newby family members, as have only scooted through posts quickly, so please forgive me for no more personals! It'll just take me a while to work out who's who  !! Bless me hey?!
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Pand - yeas, thanks!!  Cant think at the mo - Ive been out of the interview and job front for ages - if there's any advice you can give me please do!!!  If I think of anything specific though Ill ask but Im just really nervous at the mo cos I really want the job and am so worried Im just gonna fluff the interview!!  

Hi to everyone else too xxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Hi everyone - Gayn, i was so sad to read what your mum was saying to you.  I am sure she wasn't trying to hurt you - I'm sure she was trying to "fix it". I'm sure she sees you in so much pain and turmoil and is completely unable to help you, and the only way she feels she can help is to point out the (very unhelpful and painful) alternatives to your life.  My mum has done that to me most of my life, altho with my current treatment she has been very tactful perhaps because she saw how destroyed i was when our IVF failed in 03.  Every time i have told my mum i am about to embark on something, she has always found the negative side of what i'm doing, and I now just figure she's worried sick, scared for me, and terrified i will get hurt again/disappointed.  We know, as mums, how much we want to protect our children and it feels sometimes like i would die to protect my ds, and i guess even when our children grow into adults that sense of protection and fierce love doesn't go away.  It sounds like your mum hasn't got a clue what you're going thro, no idea at all, but she can't help but try to protect you from further pain. All i really want my mum to do is support me and hug me most of the time, not fix me.  Perhaps writing a letter telling her how you feel, and how what she says makes you feel, would help - you don't need to post it but it might help release that awful feeling of negative energy.   

Hi Suszy, I am not always so chilled. Working was so stressful - although DS enjoyed after school club a lot.  I found the weekends were spent catching up on the cooking, washing, shopping, cleaning, ironing and i hate it! I felt knackered all the time and constantly trying to chase my tail! I resigned in the end... 

Nanook   on Thurs and Fri!

Cinders have a great day on Friday!

Lainey    

I have a hundred and one things to do and keep coming to the FF site and finding an hour has gone by, so i'll go now.  Love and hugs to everyone i've not done a personal for.

AF started sunday (only 22 days late) and I started downregging today! OMG    I didn't see that coming. I thought they'd monitor  my cycles for a few months cos they're becoming so weird.  Baseline 3rd Jan, FET about 22nd Jan.

Wendeth xx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

hi ladies
Thanks for your good wishes 
I'm ok, just got so much going on in my head at the moment and not sure how to kick myself up the rear and get out of this pit right now  but I'll survive  (time for a song) 
I've decided not to even try anymore with my mum, she will never "get it", and my trying frustrates me and leaves me feeling even worse...so a bit of damage control at the moment me thinks...
Am hoping to pop up to see one of my bestest mates for the day this week (or maybe an overnight stop)  which will no doubt refresh me (when the hangover has gone) 
Things here a pretty crap and me and dh are supposed to be going to a party tonight...oh joy of joy...let's play the happy couple NOT  I might take some laxatives and slip them into his vol au vents! 

Right my rant for the day  who needs therapy when I have you lovely ladies 
I hope you are all ok? 
Missyb I didn't get your txt hunni  Would you pm me your mob number please, and I'll txt you 
Love to you all, Suszy, Gabrielle, Lainey, Missy, Nanook, Kate, Pand, Cinders, Wendeth, and anyone else I have forgotten 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## Wendeth

Gayn     for you. Rant all you want, that's why we're all here, to support each other. hope you have a lovely time with your friend and have a massive vodka for me   x


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
sorry not been on have had a couple of nights out but the last one is on thrusday and then thats it!!!!!

cinders -    have a lovely time in lapland - as you can tell we are all very jealous- have a great time.  We wll be thinking of you on friday.  WEll done on your writing assignment, did you write about what you said?

lainey -    thanks so much for your lovely comments and support despite what you have been though and still are. i am glad your hormone levels are back near to where they should be and hope you start to feel better soon and do lots of healing over christmas.  as ever sending you lots of love and luck and a good 08.  good luck for test tomorrow as well.   

Pand -   sorry MIL did not give ds the attention he so deserved, how bloody tactless of her esp knowing your situ, good luck re d/ring - I was suprised how little the inj hurt (although think the stimmins ones do) of course my view of IVF is only half of it as ang had the worst bit.  I down regged from 26 Sep to a few days before 12 Nov so was quite a while and to be honest found the side effects ok mostly and even lost a few pounds but of course as i say I did not have the stimming part.  I am sure you will be fine though sweetheart.  Glad counselling going well.

emily caitlin     thinking of you

wendeth -   looks like you and Pand are going to be cycle buddies - that has come around quick but then thats great.  thanks for sharing, i must admit i probably dont appreciate not working as much as i should do-

Mrs chaos      thinkng of you sweetheart and hope things get better soon.  at least you might see dp smile while at the party, the only time i see dh happy is when he is having a drink with others!

nanook -   hope it goes well with your friend on thurs and the interivew on friday

kateag -   think you might have to do everyone elses shopping as well!

faithful -   great about your appt - all sounding good

missby -   very impressed with all your gym attendance - you are being a very good girl!  Bet you are looking toned in that uniform with all the gym and bms!!!

gab -   how are you sweetheart?

dizzy - hope you are ok?

fabrizzy   

has anyone heard from Chimer, samblue or anyone else we have not heard from in a while

a few bits of news, am very excited we have a new washing machine coming tomorrow a super silent one so can do my washing when ever i want rather than worry about the neigbours with my old noisey one.  We got some fab photos back that Angs dh did he is a photographer and when we went down at the end of Oct he took a family portrait or two so we have paid for some lovely big framed prints of ds on his own and some of us three - they are lovely and we are giving some as presents, they are expensive presents but lovely ones if you know what I mean. I also think dh has bought me a digital camera which might explain whey he has been in a mood about money as its been an expensive few weeks and then of course the tx as wel and we are doing some work on the VW campervan so its all money money money - suppose I should put up with his moods.  he has such a go at me because I have bought a few boxes of chocs (ok about 10) for the dinner ladies, post lady, meditating lady, ironing lady (he does not believe in chritmas boxes) but I got them on offer.  I have sorted a collection out at school as well.
Scan went well and ds was so excited about coming with us and we all crowded in the room, ds, dh, Ang and me and 2 nurses!! into the same room where Ang had had EC and I had had ET!!  Saw the little blob again with the heartbeat, still only one!  They have given us a date of 4/8/8 but think i will be having a c section a week earlier although would like to hold out to 080808!! Still finding it hard to believe despite having two scans still cannot quite believe its really happening and am worried even though i know its a young egg.  Told two more girls today but still worried about people asking me too many questions and not wanting to answer them or have to explain, hopefully it will all just come in time.  sorry to talk about my good news when so many of you are having a hard time and i do think about you all and wish so much we could all have a bfp in 08.  take care my lovelies - need to get some beauty sleep now.
love susie

happy christmas


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girls. Hope you are all ok, sorry it's a short one today, got loads of work to do and not in a very good mood.

Had my baseline today, apparently I have a heart shaped uterus which "explains the m/c's" Thanks, would have been nice to know a few years ago. So should I get pg again I have to have an early scan to check where it's implanted. Another hurdle to get over. I was feeling so positive and now I feel so UNpositive its ridiculous. Have to call on day 1 and she is going to try and get the doc who is off sick to look at my notes and let her know what to do with me, she's so sweet. Dh and I were that close to bawling! Sat in the room with 7 pregnant bellies. Lovely. 

Feel so miserable now. My darling mother came out with the classic, well if that could happen again is there any point doing it? 

Im sure there is some sort of well meaning in there  but doesnt help me in the slightest does it.


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!!

ive been working the last few days so im super pooped!!! it's good to come on here and have a gud catch up though xx

right...


awww kateag... just want to give you a big   why the hell didnt they tell you about your uterus in the first place i work in the medical profession and i just cant believe (although i do) the bad communication or lack of it entirely!! i feel for you and dh especially having to face 7 pg bellies on top of the crap!! mothers eh? i know they mean well... but blimey.. you know im here if you need a rant.. im not too far from you so we'll have to meet up and go for a mortgage coffee at costa and some shopping!!

hi susie... fantastic to hear from you hun!!! the photos sound amazing... its funny you mentioned 08/08/08 as thats when i told dp i'd like to get married...his divorce needs to get sorted first though!! (that should be fund but thats a whole post by itself!!) im so glad the scan went well... i can understand your apprehension... id soooo want to tell everyone and noone at the same time... you'll know when it's the right time.

hi gayn.... hope you are ok hun... thinking of you. nuff said hun xx


hi wendeth... how are you doing? i know what you mean about working!!! my house permanantly looks like ive been burgled!! 

hi nanook.. good luck for your interview!!! lots of positive thoughts... i have no tips other than to act as if you dont really need it.. be positive about yourself... lots of eye contact etc... just be yourself... let us know how you get on xx


hi pand... glad your d/r-ing appt went well...you know you can rant on here if you become hormone monster (like me!!) im so excited for you as it's all go from then onwards... stay positive... you know it's going to happen as you now have your flashy car lol xx 

hey cinders...well done clever girly!!! hey did you hear about the book jk rowling wrote (by hand and illustrated herself) she gave 6 copies to her friends and auctioned 1 off for charity... it sold for 2.2 million!!.. so do you get what im hinting at lmao!!! 

at the moment no real news from me... i hate my job!! and cant wait to start my new one... manky willies here i caome!!!




mwah


amanda xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Just a quick one as I've got to go and put tea on and have spent too long already trying to catch up with everybody's posts.

Kateag - I'm sorry your scan appointment was a bit of a shock, and how insensitive can they get making you wait with pregnant people!!   Mothers really know what to say to make you feel even worse don't they? But remember, you've done it once so you must try to stay positive that you can do it again, and you're still so young you lucky thing which means you've got time on your hands.

Suzsy - glad your scan went well, it sounds like there was a right party going on in the room!

Pand - Glad you've been able to start with your injections etc (i'm afraid i'm not very up on IVF treatment language) Are you back with the consultant whose been off sick? 
I'm looking forward to starting my little trips to the Priory again in the New Year, at least it makes you feel like you're doing something doesn't it?

Gayn - Sorry you're feeling bit down, I think the time of year doesn't help, it's so dark all of the time. I know what you mean about mothers never understanding you, i don't even talk to my mum about my infertility because I don't want to hear what she says on the subject!!  She knows that we want another one but have been having problems, but I think that's about it.  I don't even know if i told her about the first lot of tests we had - i don't think i did actually!


Wendeth - great you can start down regging at last, hope it goes well.

Really must go and do the tea, dh said he was coming home early tonight, it's 5:45pm now and he's not home yet - typical!!!  I was looking forward to seeing him as he was away in Edinburgh last night.


Take Care All, Hi to everyone I've missed.


Faithful


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone, 
I love catching up with you all, but I haven't got time for a cuppa so don't bother with the kettle! Still in my pj's and my friend popping over in half an hour! Dd singing christmas carols...so sweet!
Anyway, foggy here, stressed cos don't want flight cancelled tommorrow morning!!!
Lap & dye not had any effect this month, have been spotting loads, day 9-16, nothing till day 21, then on & off since then. So am hoping that ovulated on side of blocked tube and will ttc again next month, was just kinda hoping for some sort of miracle after lap & dye, dreaming about wrapping up a positive pee stick for dp's xmas presi! Feeling all happy and contented. That's what I haven't felt in a long time, contentment. But I need to get real, only had lap&dye 4 weeks ago.
Onwards and upwards!!!
Sorry no personals, feel bad about that, but will try to soon!
Love
Cindersxxx


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies. 

Sorry it's a flying one, supposed to be working but somehow I'm not in the working mood!!!

Cinders, have a great time hun!! It's going to be amazing! When are you back?? Also, maybe jan you will be abe to say happy new year a bit late  

Amanda, deffo have a mortgage coffee sometime soon hun!!!

Hi to everyone else, so sorry!!!

xxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Afternoon girls ^xmas tree^
waited in for a delivery and missed the phone call while on the other line and by the time I got back to him he was miles away, its my medication and such a pain but luckily enough I have enough left for tomorrow so he coming in the morning.
I have told a couple more girls at school but not gone into details, will never be the same with one of my friends but still.
I am  out on a toddler night out tonight so will see how it goes, I am sure it will be fine but I will be sober!
Hope you are all ok and getting in the vibe.
ds is on a playdate so might have a little snooze as have been in all day.
just a quickie girls
by the way, loving my new washing machine, its so quiet and I have done loads of washes without the taking off sound!
thanks for your lovely support re my scan which must be hard when you all want it so much too.
happy christmas girls so hope you have a good one and that 08 is a bril year for you all.
sorry feeling quite chripy just realised just want you all to feel like this and know you do too.
just want to share this feeling with you wonderful women.
I love you all and am so grateful for your support and friendship, help and advice and could not have got through this last year without you.  Thank you all so much.      ^xmas tree^ ^xmas tree^

kateag -    sorry to hear your news and what a pain that you did not know before.  I am sure your mum was trying to help.  I am sure you must both be so upset and hope that they can do something to help.

cinders -    have a wonderful time tomorrow and lets keep our fingers crossed that its your other tube next month (my friend is due any day in Spain and she got preg on one tube) so it is possible.  I am glad you are sounding so content and happy - I felt like that once I got my head around egg donation and its great when you have a focus and aim and solution as it were.

lainey -   sending you lots of love and luck as ever, thinking of you darling.  Thinking of you darling 

nanook    -= wonder how its going with your friend? and good luck tomorrow, a friend rang to say would I be in in the morning to drop my pressie off and she has not turned up and just texted to say that she got waylaid at all the other delieveries she was doing (it was a bit like this last year and felt a bit miffed as we had been so close) anyway she asked if she could come around with her little boy this pm and I said no i was too busy!!!!!!  I had two kids here yesterday and ds got upset as they messed up his trains and coloured in his colouring book!!! I have explained to him he is going to have to share with the baby!! He is usually very giving but think it must have been strange with him being at school and he was tired.  anyway feel quite empowered these days and actually enjoy my own company and love staying in esp when dont have to do the school run. do hope interview goes well.

wendeth - hope down regging goes ok sweetheart - good luck

pand -    how are you getting on with the inj, I found them quite painless and quite got into the routine in the end, I was dreading it and it really was not that bad.  good luck.   Be careful in your car in this.

missby -    do hope you manage to get married on 080808 how wonderful would that be!!!  Hopeyou have not been working too hard, do you get many chocs at christmas, have opened a box that was meant for the post lady!!! drove my dh mad the other day as bought so many for various members of staff and people and he is so against xmas boxes, really think he is scrooge.

Gayn - hope things are improving for you, sending you lots of love and luck and healing      

Gab - hope you are ok?       

fabrizzy  hope you are ok?    

dizzy hope you are ok       

emily catilin         

samblue, chimer, honeyprincess    

love and luck to you all and lots of             please have a few of these for me 
love
susie


----------



## Pand

Just a quickie as I'm at work and the children are due back in any second!

Susie - I am so glad you are feeling so chipper you really deserve it hun so enjoy.  

Down regging is going well;  the injections are a doddle, but last night I injected just a bit too high up my tummy and missed the numb bit which stung just a tiny bit... must remember to aim for the numb bits!!!!  I knew there must be an upside to all of those operations!  I'm feeling absolutely shattered at the mo... not sure if its the drugs or just my PMT or just the end of term or a combination of all of them!  

Bell has just gone.  Must go will try to catch up over the weekend, but if I don't have time MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies!!

Its just a flying visit as its all gonna get busy now!!! If I dont get time to say it again.



Hope you all have a wonderful time, and here's to a very happy 2008!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Sorry have been offline

Havent read anything as just wanted to say:

I GOT THE JOB!!!!
AND....................... me and my friend are very very fine!!!!!

so all good    

be back later when ive time to read all your posts xxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
just popping in to see how everyone is 
Am doing ok, things are a little calmer here but still feel a bit delicate.
Missy  thanks so much hunni for your shoulder, hope you don't have RSI from too much texting 
Gabrielle  thanks my lovely, your words have cheered me up and helped me through this patch 
Suszy  thanks for checking in on me, and thanks for your support 

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Here's hoping 2008 is our year 
Lotsa love to all
Gayn
XX


----------



## honeyprincess

Hey girls just a quick on

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!

Congrats Suzsy  

Hope you are all well and will be back in the new year.

Love Laura xxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!!

just a quick one to catch up with you all and wish you a       and a very happy new year! i am so greatful & thankful to this site for introducing me to some fab, strong,funny, and amazing friends.. thank you all for being here thru the good and the pants times!!

gayn.. how are you doing hun? hope you are well and that things are better.. you are most welcome for the txt's.. anytime hun xx

hi suzy.. hope you are well xx

hi cinders.. can you ask santa for a bfp for me while you're there? ta xx

honeyprincess.. fab to hear from you.. hope we hear from you again soon xx

ok guys im sorry it's a short one... im being a lazy cow and still in my dressing gown suffereing from the morning after the night before syndrome (xmas do) and so i ought to get bathed and dressed and put tons of slap on so i dont scare children and animals!!


love

amanda xx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

​
To all of you
Thank you for your support
Hoping 2008 is everyones year
Lotsa love
Gayn
X X X X​


----------



## *Lollipop*

MERRY CHRISTMAS........................  ......Gabxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies  Hope you all have a wonderfull   Hope   brings all you dream of x


----------



## moominemma

Hi all!

Just wanted to wish everyone a merry xmas, and here's hoping that 2008 brings us all what we want!

Think of me on while you are tucking into your turkey - I am at work on xmas day. All Day!!   

Take care and enjoy yourselves,
Emma x


----------



## SUSZY

evening girls
just wanted to wish you all a good christmas and hope your dreams come true on 08 and thanks for your friendship and support it means the world.           


Gab, honeyprincess (thanks for congrats)- lovely to hear from you and have a fab christmas girls and hope 08 are your years.

missby - thanks for all your support and friendship too and you are one amazing lady and 08 is going to be your year.  Sounds like you are having my share of the drink as well as dh!!!!! fed up of not drinking but do feel good in the mornings!

lyndalou- nice to hear from you, hope you are doing and hope you have a good chrimtmas and 08 is your year too

moonin - so sorry you are having to work, I will raise one of my glasses of water to you!!

Gayn - hope things continue to improve for you and that 08 is a much better year for you - look after yourself sweetheart

nanook - what fantastic news about your friend and the job - so glad you sorted it out with her and got the job and hope 08 is your year.

pand - hope the dr/ring still going well and do get those numb bits, have a great xmas with dh and ds and look afteryourself and thanks for your support and so good luck for these next few weeks.

cinders - hope lap land was good - tell us all about it when you get a moment

lainey - as ever sweetheart hope you are ok and so hope that 08 is your year when you get that long awaited bfp and baby - so have everything crossed for you darling.

kateag - have a good chritmas and hope you cope with being out of the shops for a few days!

wendeth hope you are ok and have a good christmas

emily caitlin - thinking of you and hope your christmas is good

faitfthful- hope you have a good christmas

fabrizzy - hope you are ok and have a good christmas

samblue/chimer - hope you are ok and have  good christmas

teena - hope you ok too

dizzy - thinking of you and have a good christmas

lots of love and luck to you all my lovelies
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Just a quicky, we are all in such a hurry!! 
Lapland was exhausting!! A very BIG day, but was worth it when we met the REAL  !! Was so excited . I nearly cried when we walked in and he was sat there with a candle reading dd's letter which we had posted in the village post box!!!   It was fab. But the most expensive day we have ever spent!!!! (missyb, Santa said he's onto it!)
Sorry have not got back to you Lainey hun, how you doing? In answer to your question re my friend. I sent her the letter to explain all my feelings about how i felt she'd been insensitive announcing her pg etc. (There is a thread somewhere on the relationships board about it.)
She has text me to say that she got the letter, and that she really feels for me. She will write after xmas when she has more time which is fair enough. But what I have realised is that all I want from her, is for her to say she's sorry and that she didn't think. I have shown our mutual friend who was there at the announcement the letter, also the text that I recieved. She thought the text sounded slightly patronising, as did I. Because if she felt for me then surely she would have said sorry in the text? To be honest, if I recieved a letter like that I would be mortified to have hurt my friend like that, and the first thing I would have said was "I'm sorry." Sorry for not thinking. That's all. If she could just say that, then we could move on, and forget the whole thing. But our mutual friend is under the impression that she still thinks it's about her being pg, and it's so not anymore!! I guess I just have to hope that her text was a quickly constructed one, and that when she writes her letter the opening line will be "I'm sorry."
Sorry for going on about that, it's complicated!
Had a bad day on thursday, bad pmt, so was feeling very emotional. My friend came round with her two children, and instead of playing with my dd, they played with each other. Sometimes brothers and sisters just kind of close off from others, it's just a unique bond thing I think. Nobodys fault. But it got to me bad!!! I  about it, there and then in front of my friend. I just couldn't help it!!! Managed to hide it from the children, but I was so broken hearted for dd! Luckily my friend is a close one, and understands. I can cope with my pain at not having another baby, but I can't seem to cope with dd's. You know how it is, you do anything for them, give anything. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself if I can't do this.
On a much happier note, we went to see Beauty and the Beast yesterday. Because of my clever organised friend, we booked it in the summer, and had front row seats!! It was fabulous, and left us feeling very festive!
I was in M&S at 6am today! Bought lot's of nice yummy food, then a quick trip to Sainsbury's and was back home for 8am. So am all ready now, bring it on xmas!!!
It is so nice, no inlaws here!!! Just us! Can relax, so what if the house is a bit untidy!!!
I'm sorry to be talking at you today, not really with you!!! But promise to try and catch up properley soon.
I just want to thankyou all for offering me a lifeline this year, don't know what I'd have done without you!
I'm fairly sure that by this time next year, one way or another our IF journey will be over. We'll either have another baby, be pg, or have stopped trying. I like two out of the three options!
Sorry for the me, maudlin post.
Love you guys,
Cindersxxx
p.s oops nearly forgot      MERRY CHRISTMAS!


----------



## nanook

Hey

Happy Christmas everyone - still have to wrap all the presents! oops!  XXXXXXXXX


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone, May 2008 bring lots of babies to all of us on this thread!!!

DH been ill since Friday, finally up and about today so have given him lots of jobs to do, tee hee! I'd got dd's presents all sorted ages ago but he insisted on going and buying her something else today himself. Bless!!

Anway got family around for dinner tomorrow so must go and stuff the Turkey, finish cleaning the house,  wrap the presents..........

Take care all

  

Faithful


----------



## lainey-lou

To my dearest Fertility Friends

Thank you for all your support over the last year, I can honestly say this has been the toughest of my life and I couldn't have got through it without you.

Susie    Happy sober Christmas.  I am so happy for you, you deserve this happy pg Christmas.  Love to you and your growing family.  

Cinders - my most special ff    I am so sorry you are having it tough, I know where you are coming from.  Sorry your friend didn't say what you wanted.  Here's hoping 2008 is our year.  I am with you, if it doesn't happen in 2008, time to give up.  Merry Christmas sweetie, thinking of you. x

Missyb - thanks for all your support too over the last year, you always make me laugh. You should have been a comedian.  Love to you and yours  

Pand - hope the injections are still going ok.  Thank you too for understanding and all the private messages you have sent me.  Merry Christmas lovie   

DG - if you are looking in.  Best Christmas wishes to you too.  Can't wait til your two little miracles arrive.  

Lyndalou - I hope 2008 is better for you.  I know you have had a tough year.  Good luck honey  

Kateag - Merry Christmas to you too, I can't do the flash graphics but the thought is there.  

Nanook - glad the year has ended on a more positive note and I am glad my advice about the letter to your friend paid off, she is obviously a sensible girl worth knowing    Happy Christmas sweetheart x

Gab - we don't hear much from you, hope you are ok and have a good Christmas and a better 2008 

MrsChaos - glad you are feeling a little better, hope things keep improving for you.  Much love at Christmas.  

Samblue - you have disappeared on us again    Where are you?  Merry Christmas to you.

Wendeth - Wishing you good things for 2008  

Honeyprincess - good to hear from you.  You don't post enough.  Have a good time at Crimbo x

Emma - thanks for the seasonal greetings.  Same to you too  

Faithful - DH sounds like a sweetie, hang onto him    Have a good Christmas, don't give me your germs, I don't want them.  

EmilyCaitlin - I know this must be a tough time for you.  I am so sorry for everything you have been through, you don't deserve it.  Love to you and dh.  Take care of each other  

Chimer - where are you?  Hope you are ok and having a good Christmas.  

Dizzy - hope those bubbas are growing strong.  Merry Christmas x

I think I have mentioned everyone now  

I am looking forward to the end of this year (although I said that last year  )  Here's hoping 2008 is good for us all.

Much love and many blessings to my special, dear secondary IF friends, this year would have been unbearable without you.  Thinking of you all at this difficult time of year.

Love Lainey-Lou xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

dear girls
Just wanted to say hope that you all had a good christmas - was thinking of you all - had a couple of glasses of champagne but was pretty good the rest of the time.  Its been lovely although I am a bit cross with the amount of stuff dh bought that we dont use again! like the xmas pudding the bottles of mixers and spirits, we are only at hour house for xmas eve, day and then on boxing day we come to my mums so we dont need loads but we still managed to spend a fortune.  Xmas dinner was good but I dont eat the turkey and my nut roast got burnt!!!! feel a bit bar humbug about it all despite having my wonderful bfp.  I still cannot get my head around it and suppose I am hanging out for 9th jan, i really hoped i would not be like this but think its natural when you have had a couple of m/c.  Ang is coming tomorrow to my mums so am really looking forward to that.  I got the digital slr i wanted and zoom lense and dh the wii and and ds got lots so its been good despite me having my grumpy side despite all the blessings in my life.
best got my mum is putting some food on and better go and help, ds is in tears think all the excitement must have got to him and dont think the wii is too good sometimes for the competitiveness.
Thanks as ever for all your support and friendship and love i could not have survived without you.
i love you all each and one of you and so hope 08 is the year for all of you.
i will be back soon
take care
love
susie


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girls. 

Hope you all had a lovely xmas, it's over so quick!? 

It's just a flying visit as I'm working at the mo (joys of being self employed at home!) But just stopping for a quick bite to eat!!

2007 is almost over ladies, bring on 2008! It's going to be a good one. 

Love to all. 
xxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Hope you have all had a good time. Not too much falling out with family/in-laws!! It has been the best xmas ever for us, as it was just the three of us. No stress. No MIL driving me   loopy!!
It is always a time for reflection, as you realise that this time last year you were hoping for your dream to have come true by now   But then I think of the girls on the other boards, and feel a bit humbled. 
Your message, and attention to detail was lovely Lainey. You thought of us all, and we appreciate you for it, thanks. You really deserve a truckful of good luck coming your way in 2008.  
Suszy, sorry you can't seem to shake off your negative vibes so to speak. Well perhaps not negative, worried more like? As you say, perfectly understandable, the waiting during this game is torturous!!! Roll on jan 9th for you.  
Kate, would love to work from home, but you can't ship a load of patients to your house for 8 hrs, then ship them back to the hospital, though if the government heard that idea...  !!
Faithful, what did dh buy for dd? My dp bought dd a space hopper which has been a great success!!! With me too! Brings back loads of memories!    
Nanook, hope you got the presents wrapped in time? You want to get tough and tell   to wrap his own!!!
Missyb, you sober yet?!  
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

im sorry guys this is just a quick one from me..

my mum died on boxing day at 51. im shocked and devastated. im sure i will be back on here ready to fight the fight but right now my heart isnt in it.


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Amanda - couldn't do hugs in my texts so sending you some now    

Thinking of you.

Lainey xx


----------



## cinders35

So very sorry Amanda,
Here for you whenever.
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Oh Amanda.  I can't believe it.  How awful.   You poor thing you must be utterly destroyed.  Why is life so cruel?  Haven't you been through enough?  I cannot imagine how you must be feeling at the moment, but know that if you need to come and talk we are always here.  I am so upset for you.

I'm sorry everyone else but it seems too trivial to be chatting about anything else after that news.  I just wanted to let you all know I was thinking of you all and to wish everyone a Happy New Year, but that seems so shallow now.  Will post again in a few days.

Love to you all.  You are so wonderful, and the strongest most supportive friends I could ever hope for.  Thank you all for getting me through a dreadful year.  Let's hope we all have a little more good fortune in 2008.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## *kateag*

Oh God Amanda hun, I am so so sorry for your loss. 

There is nothing I could actually say to help but I am sending you all my love and I am thinking of you and your family.     

So sorry hun. 

xxxx


----------



## moominemma

Amanda, so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you and sending hugs,
Emma x


----------



## Wendeth

Amanda, i am thinking of you.   what a terribly sad event for you and your family. sending you lots of love and hugs.
Wendeth x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi All

Just checking in.  Wanted to send my love to Amanda again    and let her know I am thinking of her.  

Hi to everyone else.

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

OMG missby - I am so sorry darling, and am just so shocked - I just kept saying oh my god oh my god and ds and dh want to know why I am just so sorry and cannot believe it.       we are all here for you and are thinking of you and if there is anything we can do you know where I am.
my hearts and thoughts are with you - i have some comforting words which I can post on here or will send in a pm or if you give meyour address.  I am just so sorry darling, thinking of you.

like pand wanted to just wish you all a happy  new year and do hope 08 is a good one for everyone although obviusly missby it wont be for you.  I will be back in a few days too.
take care my loves and thanks for your support, love and friendship - you mean the world to me.
I am here for all of you.I have been trying to work out why I am not over the moon re my preg and I think its because I cannot share it with you all - I want you all to be with me on this side.  now of course amanda (missby you have so much more to battle through now.
i am here for you
love susie


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone.
What a year eh?  
Just wanted to wish you all the very best of luck in 2008, with a special   for you Amanda (missyb.) I am thinking of you at this really difficult time.  
I can't thank you all enough for the love and support you have shown me. I turned up here, a virtual stranger and you welcomed me with open arms. Thankyou. We have in this past year been through thick and thin, sick and sin together... who knows what the next year will bring, but knowing that I have you guys by my side makes me feel stronger. You make me feel as though I can face the next hurdle. So here goes...2008.
Cindersxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

HAPPY NEW YEAR..............................      

heres hoping 2008 brings us dreams and wishes.....afterall it is a leap year.....god bless my friends..xxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Happy New Year girls and I so feel the same - I could not have got through this last year without you all and so appreciate your unconditional love and support and friendship - it means such a lot and like Cinders has said i feel I can get through anything with you girls.  One of the reasons I cannot enjoy this wonderful bfp so much is because I remember the pain only too vividly and of not having one and still cannot quite believe its happened to me and so want to share it with you.
Missby - my thoughts as ever are with you and I know its going to be a really hard time for you - we are all here for you and Ang may be able to help too.
Girls i wish i could wave a magic wand and all the pain would be erased from our lives but I cannot but we do have each other and we will always be here for each other.
I love you all and thanks so much.
love
susie


----------



## *kateag*

Happy New Year girls! Amanda, sending you special   hun, I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you are doing ok. xxxx

Here's hoping 2008 is the best year ever. 

xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All


Missyb - am so sorry about your mum, what an awful shock, sending you lots of    .

To everyone , may 2008 bring a positive result to our different journeys dealing with infertility,   to everyone.

Love Faithful


----------



## missyb

i just wanted to thank you all for the kind words,pm's and texts.. i couldnt stay away as i still wanted to see how my ff's are doing. i have been on here for just under a year and we have all been through some really rough times. i know personally being on here has made those trials bearable. i have laughed with you all and cried with you all too. thank you so much for all of the support and  . i hope that 2008 brings all of the good things that you so all deserve.

lots of love

your friend.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Sat poised at the keyboard, waiting for inspiration. Trying to find some comforting poignant words for you Amanda....still waiting.
Mmmm...hope that all our positive thoughts wing their way through cyber space to give you strength.
Not inspirational words I know guys, think might have writers block or summink?!
Thinking of you every day.  

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all ok, and will be back when kid's back to school. Enjoy last few days of holiday.

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi cinders you artistic types eh? lol xx 

amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Just wanted to wish you all a happier 2008!

Missyb - Have pmd you honey.  How do you keep your sense of humour?!  I really admire you.  You are a strong and brave girl.  Keep posting. You always make us laugh and we'd be lost without you.

Cinders - Have pmd you too!  Thanks for your lovely messages!

Suzy - Lovely posts as always flower!  Have been thinking of you lots.  Not long til your next scan my flower!

Have started a 2ww diary if anyone fancies a read.  I've put most of my moans on there.  Must pop off now.  Have just beaten dh at brain training (ha ha ha!) and must go and stab myself with tonights injection.  Tummy is starting to look like a collander!

Speak soon all.

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## SUSZY

missyby - have been thinking about you every day darling, you are one strong lady and we are all here for you sweetheart.  I have some very comforting words i would like to send you so if you could pm me your address i will forward them to you - they are quite long.  we have had a toast and indian takeaway and listened to enigma for today 2nd jan as 10 years since we lost my brother Andy.  Those first few days/weeks/months you feel like you are in a dream and wonder how and why you manage to cope but you must look after yourself and make sure you are looking after you and not other people as well.


pand good luck with the injections honey, how are you getting on with them!! I beat dh on the fittness test tonight and on the boxing the other day til I realised perhaps i should not!  will have a look at your diary.

cinders - still keep thinking of how lovely your lapland trip must have been we would love to go one day.  yes going to enjoy the last few days of the hols, ds is back on tues so have an extra day.  was going down to devon to where some of my brothers ashes are as it was 10 years today (2nd) but decided against it due to the weather had a quiet tidying day here instead.

faithful - how are you

dizzy hope you are doing ok

wendeth -hope you are ok too

chimer/honeyprincess/gab /samblue  - hope you are all doing well

kelway - please come back and post on here 

mrs chaos - how are things sweetheart

nanook - how are you doing sweetheart?

lainey - how are you feeling my darling, a friend told me she had a molar preg before she had one of her children so thats the third time I have heard about it - do hope you are ok and sending you lots of love and hugs as ever and thanks for the lovely message you sent on new years eve      

lyndalou - hope you are ok and heres to a good 08 for you

emily caitlin - thinking of you darling too

sorry a bit short tonight, had a strange day with the 10 year anniversary but strangely feel calm and not as sad as I thought i would, its a terrible fact that time is a good healer although its something you never get over it gets easier.
I also feel like my brother sent me my dh and ds and this baby as well. For some reason today I feel it more real - I am so happy to be pg but my brain is really having trouble believing it if that makes sense.
am enjoying the last few days of the hols but am looking forward to getting tree down and house more sorted and back to some sort of routine.  we have booked cparcs for ds bday 22nd feb weekend and in june to devon so have some hols to look forward to.
must go as dh going to bed now
take care my lovelies and as ever am sending you lots of love and hugs and luck
love
susie

kateag - did you do much sale shopping!


----------



## nanook

Amanda!!  so sorry to hear your news, Ive stayed off the laptop over Christmas so sorry I havent been here, when you have always been there for me....  This must be a truly awful time for you and my love and best wishes are with you hunni. xxxx

Happy New Year guys - Christmas was ok but me and dh didnt really 'gel' over christmas and spent the whole time feeling really empty to be honest... had totally made my mind up to leave and be done with it but over the past couple of days have got on really well again so back to square 1 - smiling and hoping it will all go away ?!?!  Seems stupid anyway compared to some of the stress others have been through....  Ds was made up with his presents so thats the main thing anyway!!!

Am really aprehensive about the job now too as there are a few probs in that the hours are 9-5 and there is no parking facilities and only max 1 hour stay near by - it will take me 2 buses to get there and itll mean leaving home really early and arriving home really late - although I really want to do it!!?! am so confused as dont want to be stuck in a situation where ds is leaving school and Im not home till about 6-half 6 and dropping him at friends before 8 in the morning?!? does that sound silly - I mean I havent worked for 3 years now am I just panicking about nothing  maybe I should just get a job in the local bloody supermarket or something between school hours?!  I dont know.......

Also seem to have more money out than in at the mo and desperately need to do something...........

Suzy sorry to hear about your nut roast hun what a nightmare!!  we went to my Mums and all was great except I swear the sprouts must have been cooking for like, a whole day or something they were like mush!! yuk!! haha 

We gave my Mum and Dad a playstation2 cos dh has a number 3 now and we didnt need it anymore and a game called Jungle Buzz which was great fun and I also received a Bop It Extreme which I love and have so far refrained from throwing iut of the window!!!  ha ha only kidding I am such a big kid though arent I??  

Anyway must dash - big hugs and Happy New Years to all 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

sorry not posted much for a while, dh decided to decorate the study so I was computerless for a few days, I felt really cut off!

Had a good christmas day although started a cold which dh had before xmas, and ended up in bed for the day the day after boxing day ( which was when dh decided to decorate, so house descended into complete chaos, thankfully everything is back together now!)

We've got our pre iui chat next wednesday which I'm looking forward to. It'll be good to get things moving again. DH is going alcohol free for the next couple of months, and I've got us on marilyn glenville vitamins.  I feel like I've got to give this a really good shot because dh is really not keen on doing ivf so it feels like a last ditch attempt really. I'm feeling fairly positive about it, I think having a break after ovulation induction has been good from that point of view, it's given me time to get over the disappointment of the OI treatment not working.

Nanook - I'm sorry you're having such a nightmare trying to decide what to do about your job, I completely understand. I'm a careers adviser and since I've had my dd I've oscillated between wanting to work and not. I gave up working in May last year as I was having problems with getting her picked up from school, and now I've started to wish that I was working again! It's so hard to get your head around, at the end of the day you have to do what you feel right with yourself.

Pand - sounds like you're getting on OK with your injections etc, hope you're coping with all the hormones ok! 

Suszy - sorry about your brother, it must be a very difficult time of year to have anniversary of losing a loved one, especially somebody who died young. My dh's Nan died the day after boxing day last year so this was the first year without her. I think you think miss them more because the rest of the family are all together.



Hi to everyone else, hope you're all sticking to your new years resolutions!

Faithful


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## cinders35

Hello everyone,
Supposed to be taking down decs, sorting house out, and getting finances in order  . Think I'll stay here then!!!
Suppose I'd better go and get busy  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## cinders35

Suszy, 
wrote you long message and your in box is full...    !!!
The basics of it were                           
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Hi All, i have to say I am looking forward to getting the tree down. We move in 5 weeks and DH has emptied the loft, understairs cupboard, all the sheds and his garage and it's quite chaotic. The xmas tree is looking rather sad amongst all the boxes piled around the house but DS is adamant that it's not coming down till the 12th day.  Is that today? I have no idea but it's coming down today!    Cinders, I am with you, i have all the finances to do, and sort out the house, but have been in here for the last hour catching up!  AGH

Susie, it's reassuring to hear you sounding a bit more positive about your BFP.  My heart goes out to you with a huge hug.  This is your time.   

Amanda - I am thinking about you, and send you lots of love. Take care of yourself.

Nanook - i completely understand your apprehensive about going back to work.  I was the same in January last year although I didn't have such a 'mare over my work hours - where i worked had a really excellent family-hours policy and I negotitated with them to start work once i'd dropped DS off at school.  He did end up going to after school club till nearly 6 every night but he enjoyed it. The parking issue is a real problem - maybe you could ring your work and ask what other people do for parking.  Having to take 2 buses is not funny.  

Faithful - i hope your consult on Wed is helpful!  

Pand, i've just read read your diary and I wish i could hug you   .  It's supposed to take years to get to this menopausal state and we do it in a few weeks.  It is hard to stay positive but i'm finding apathy helps right now.    My baseline scan was yesterday and we had a few wobbles thinking tx would be cancelled when they found what they thought were follies on my ovaries and my lining was too thick - I just kept saying yeah, whatever and trying to zone out, but it turns out my bloods were fine, the masses were cysts and they're gonna rescan me on Sat to reassess my lining and decide what to do with me.  Keeps you on your toes doesn't it.  I am so fortunate that DH has already fertilised my donor eggs and I am so grateful to be given this chance. I refused to go through IVF again as the roller coaster was too much for me.  I very nearly gave up yesterday at the clinic when the possibility of it all being cancelled came up.  I am not very strong when it comes to this area of my life but am just taking one day at a time.  Menopause doesn't feel very different to my normal state, I have to say; i cry at things all the time anyway, feel overwhelmed by sadness at odd hours and then feel fine for a bit.  How bizarre hormones are. But I am thinking of you. 

Wendeth


----------



## cinders35

Left computer on, so popped back on...think I must be a bit needy at the mo!!!
Hugs to you Wendeth, you have been through so much already, I hope next scan is ok, and you will be good to go so to speak!!!
I am up and down like a yo yo emotionally, also overwhelmed by sadness at times, and mostly for dd. Not for me. I feel like like a tough ole bird, but the thought of failing dd is where I fall apart! Same ole record...sorry guys!
Tree is down, most of the needles hoovered up  But 12th day is sunday!!! Dd not old enough to work that one out! Will give her some xmas tree chocs that were hiding around the back to soften the blow of a clutter free slightly tidier house!!!
Gotta go,
Love
Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Thanks for all your words, Im still totally confused.  I think the other people in the office get the bus, but from what I saw at the interview they all looked a bit young so maybe didnt have kids?!? - I dont know!!  Im going to go and suss it out next week with regards to parking.... the annoying thing is my brother lives just around the corner so really he could get a permit and I could park - only - we dont get on so thats out of the window!!!  I dont know, Im sure itll all sort itself out hey ladies!!

Im in my house (albeit a small 2 bed terrace) all on my todd at the moment! ds is at a friends till half 6/7 and dh working till about 7 (so he says anyway) so feel a bit lost...    I went to see 'I am legend' yesterday too so have horrid images of Zombie type things in my head.  I'm such a wimp, it'll teach me to read up on a film before agreeing to go along and watch it!!    worst thing is I need the loo so Ill have to go and face the dark upstairs in a minute....  If you dont hear from me for a few days call the Ghostbusters or something......

Missy hope you are ok my lovely, and big hugs to everyone else.  You're all so nice and lovely and are real friends and I love you all with big fluffy bells on!!! 

xxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Nanook - I know exactly what you mean about being torn between wanting to work and staying at home with your little ones.  I would give anything to work part time like most of my friends do so that I could see more of my little man, but finances just don't allow.  It sounds like the job will be really good for you.  I think, reading between the lines, that you need something just for you, not for dh or ds so please find a way to give it a go.  It really helps with ttc having a job that keeps your mind off it for a while.  I'm a bit worried about the situation with your dh at the mo.  That's a few times you've mentioned things being strained.  What's at the bottom of it all?  Is it the strain of tx or something else?  Talk to us hun.  We might be able to help.  In the meantime I'm sending you lots of hugs. 


Cinders - Have pmd you back flower.  Thanks so much for your support. 

Wendeth - Oh mate.  It's good to hear that it's not just me that's on the hormonal roller coaster!!!  I'm sorry to hear about your baseline scan.  I must admit I do worry that they will find cysts on my ovaries too.  I think the drugs are doing their job, as I know I haven't ovulated, but this is my first IVF so I've no idea how my body is going to behave.  Given it's record over the last couple of years, I doubt very much it will do as it's told, cos it's naughty like that!  My baseline isn't til 18th January tho, so 14 more days to go!  I will keep you posted, if you keep us updated with your tx.  Love to you in the meantime and fingers crossed.

Faithfullyhoping - Good luck with your pre-iui chat on Wednesday.  Let us know how you get on.

Lainey/Lyndalou/Emilycaitlin/Missyb - Love to you all and know that I'm still thinking of you all.  Missyb thanks for you pm and come back when you are ready.  Lainey, Lyndalou and Emilycaitlin how are you all doing.  I know Christmas must have been a tough time for you all, I've certainly shed a few tears.  Come back and let us know how you are when you are ready.  We are still here for you.

Suzy - Believe in it flower.  It's happened and you deserve it to work out for you!  I'm sorry I didn't get on in time to send you love on the 2nd.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you losing your brother like that.  They say that time is a great healer.  I'm not sure that it heals really cos I don't think the pain ever really goes away completely, but it does take the edge off it.  Still thinking of you and waiting with baited breath for you next scan!  LOL   

As for me I cannot believe the Xmas holidays are nearly over.  I so don't want to go back to work.  I've really enjoyed being with my ds and I'm going to miss him terribly.  Still he will be back at school as well, and it's probably for the best that I will have something to keep me busy instead of thinking so much about ttc.  The injections are still going well, although am having lots of side effects ie. headaches almost every day, tired, emotional, etc.  I have been feeling quite low, but some very good friends (ie. my best mate and cinders) are dragging me out of my self pitying hole kicking and screaming and I have to say they are doing a stirling job!  I am going to try and be more positive I promise and if I can't manage that then I will try to be objective!  I keep trying to tell myself that this is going to be a much nicer year than last year because 2008 is nice and round shaped not spiky like 2007!  But then the little devil on my shoulder keeps scaring me with all of the possible things that could go wrong.  Nasty little beast!  Still this is the best chance we've had for two years and I'm going to give it everything I've got.  I do actually feel relatively relaxed about it all at the moment.  I'm sure the 2ww will be different tho!  Should be a complete nut bag by then!  Am due to go to Centreparcs (we did this last year Suzy!) for half term and that clashes completely with the end of the 2ww.  Hmm could be interesting!

Anyway that's all for now guys!  

Lots of love
Speak soon 
Amanda


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls
I just want to say I love you all each and every one of you.
I think we are am amazing bunch of girls and we are here for each other whether old or new and dont want any new ones to be put off that we seem to know each other so well we were all new once.
Reading tonight made me want to cry more than ever I just so want us all to have and keep that BFP.
I knew all along it was a long journey to get to the tx stage and then the tx and then the 2ww and then the result and knew which ever way it went it was still a long hard journey. Other people just wake up one day and they are preg it seems so unfair but I think it was us first time round.

Nanook - I so dont know what to say re your job, the one thing I have never done is have a career or a job I really enjoy and it some ways it would be so lovely to have and I do think having your mind of ttc is a good thing and yet i understand the dilemma of long hours etc.  i wish I could help more, could you write to your bro and ask him re the parking its so hard but the trouble with a charity is that you work so hard for it and yet sometimes  you need the help and there is none around to give.

Cinders - sorry sweetheart re my in box I know how annoying it is as often do it - I have so many messages from Ang I dont want to delete and messages from last Nov when I was low, I know I am taking a risk but my email is sstrachanatbigfootdotcom I have written in out in full so it does not flag up but would always love to hear from any one of you as I love you all so much.

Wendeth - so sorry sweetheart you sound like you have been through the mill and so hope it sorts itself out, sending you lots of love and healing.

Faithful - hope the IUI chat goes well, it has worked for lots of people and is good practise!!!

Pand - so sorry you are having so many side effects but am sure it will be worth it.  You are a very kind and lovely person and hopefully things will turn around for you soon (as is everyone on here)  I feel like I have deserted people and dont want to.
I am here to help and support in any way I can and I know what ever happens for me you will all be here for me and I feel the same for you.

Missby - what can i say sweetheart, I read your diary and know how bizarre it is that your life is so normal and then you have a sudeen loss without much warning and your life is never ever the same again.  We are here for you, we will help and support you in whatever way we can.  We love you!  We are so sorry darling.

love and kisses to everyone else, just because I have not mentioned you does not mean I think any less.
Take care everyone
lots of lov
susie


----------



## tuck

Hello all

I just thought I would pop across and say hello being a newbie here.  I posted on another post on the board its called 'struggling...' and you can see my situation which I can see is quite different to some of yours but I'm faced with the same thoughts and anxieties about having another babe. 

Well, had a 3rd bday party to go to yesterday.  Same old things confronted with being only one who either wasn't preg or had baby, these events seem to  highlight it and make me feel sad but.. ds had a great time!! Couple of my friends (one of whom i know is pg )didn't go cos of chickenpox so i assume its only a matter of time b4 my other friends tell me their news.

Also got af, wasn't even ttc yet but it still brings it all home.  We are now at a stage where we can ttc (being 3 1/2 months since surgery) but tbh i feel too scared.  Also my cycle is all over place - last one 8 weeks!!! so won't have to make decision yet.

You all seem such a supportive group and i think its great to see your closeness.

I hope everyone is well and i look forward to joining the chats.

Tuckxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Tuck - welcome to our little family!  As Suzy said on her post, you are more than welcome as a newbie and I hope you find it as suportive as we all have.  I apologise in advance if I don't always mention you in my posts as I am a bit hopeless at remembering to say hello to everyone, but know that I will be thinking of you!

Suzy - YOU HAVE NOT DESERTED US!!!!!!!!!!!  Stop feeling so guilty my love!  No one on here feels like you have deserted us, or betrayed us so stop beating yourself up!  You haven't done any of those things and as always you say the loveliest things and are so kind to everyone.  We would be lost without your mammoth posts, you are the glue that holds us all together!!  I'm sure you probably don't feel like posting as often as you used to, I didn't when I got my BFP.  I think it was partly because you don't need the support so much, and partly because you feel like you're not part of the gang anymore.  You will always be an important part of our gang, whether you post or not.  Just because you are pregnant does not take away all the heartache and pain you have been through to get there, or stop you from being able to empathise.  You don't hurt us by talking or worrying about your pregnancy, again, so many of us have had those BFPs and then been terrified of losing them.  Who else should you talk to but us?  We understand honest!  I bet you've been worrying about appearing ungrateful too and are concerned that if you are open about your fears and worries we will all think bad of you but it's NOT true!  We will be here for you every step of the way and are still all on tenter hooks for you too!  We want to hear from you and want to know how you are getting on.  You give us all hope that it could work out for us too!  So there.  Lecture finished!  Love ya!

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## cinders35

Ah Pand, can't top that, just ditto.....
Cx


----------



## Pand

Cinders,

We are online at the same time again!  Just tried the chat room but when I log in if just says please wait while the chat room loads and then shows a blank blue square and does nothing else!!! Shame we could have had a natter!

Pand


----------



## lainey-lou

Suszy - just wanted to echo what Pand said.  We are all really happy for you and no-one begrudges you your happiness or feels deserted.  We love you  

Tuck - welcome, we are a friendly bunch.  I am sorry you are finding it tough.  I think we have all had those dreaded parties and announcements to contend with, it is very hard.  

Pand - sorry the drugs are making you feel bad.  Just remember that even if you think the IVF won't work, it won't affect the outcome.  I was really down when I had my second round and did not for one minute think it would work but it did so my mood had no bearing on the result.  Sending you lots of love and hugs     Not long now and you could be joining Suszy!     

Cinders - hope the appointment goes well this week.  Do you think you will start treatment soon? 

Nanook - tough one re: the job.  I suppose it depends how much you want it, it sounds like a nightmare to get to but when you start doing it I am sure you will soon get used to it, as will ds.  I am concerned about you and dh, are things really that bad?  I hope you can sort things out  

Wendeth - good luck with the ET, I hope it goes ahead       I think sometimes the apathy route is the best way  

Missy - lots of love and hugs lovie for tomorrow.  I will be thinking of you at 10.30. My phone will be poised to take texts/calls.  I hope it goes well.  Thinking of you as always  

Hi to Kateag, Chimer, Gab, HoneyPrincess, FaithfullyHoping, LyndaLou, Dizzy, Samblue, EmilyCaitlin, Mrs Chaos and Kelway x

I am feeling rubbish - back to work Tuesday after a long break.  Have the January blues badly.  Also, can't ttc until May which seems sooooo far away.  Feel left behind hearing all of you talking about ttc    Was saying on another board that I think I might need counselling, don't seem to feel any real emotions about the m/c, haven't even cried that much.  I feel like it is hard to grieve for something that was never viable in the first place (ie molar pg).  I can't regret having a m/c and "losing" the baby cos it was never a baby in the first place.  I am sure I should feel more than I do though    I think I may be burying my head in the sand a bit, which is why I haven't posted very much.

Love to everyone 

Lainey x


----------



## *kateag*

Hi everyone. Wow its moved quickly on here!!

Suzy, I haven't chatted to you much hun, but I just want to say that I agree with what Pand said, you are the "one to follow" so to speak! Please dont worry about us hun, we're all here for you!! xx

Tuck, hi! I've not read your other post, but welcome to the board. Sorry you are finding it so tough, parties are always a nightmare I think, either tiny babies or bumps everywhere. Good luck hun. xx

Pand, I agree with lainy, negative thoughts wont affect the outcome of the IVF hun, it will just affect you, if you know what I mean? Try to not think negative, I know its almost impossible. I always found it easier to be positive at the end of the day when it was quiet, maybe you could try and "ban" thoughts til then? xxx

Lainey, sorry to hear you are feeling so down hun, I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. Maybe counselling would be a good idea, if you feel it would help you? Anything that helps is worth it. I know how you feel about starting ttc again, we're starting in March, and it feels like another lifetime away, is there anything you can plan until May? xxx

Cinders, hope everything goes well hun. Let us know. xxxx

Nanook, sounds like you are totally confused about the job front, nightmare that they don't offer any parking? I hope you and dh can get everything sorted, maybe once you start work, get some "you" back and some extra money things will seem a bit better? Hope so. xxxx

Wendeth, good luck with tx hun, and the move!!! Which comes first? (Sorry, Im sure I saw it?) I took the tree down on friday,which I counted as the 12th day, as you count xmas eve!!

Missy, how are you hun? Stupid question I'm sure. Am thinking of you xxxxx

Hi to everyone else! Dh has been working in canterbury all weekend (we live in Surrey) so it's been a looooong weekend!! I'm on antibiotics for some horrid cysts I have (I dont get spots!) thanks to the PCOS, af is 3 days late (well, going on what last month was) so am feeling REALLY fed up!!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. 
xxxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Gosh, This thread fills fast when it's moving, hey?
Suszy, I haven't known you long either, but have to say, i am fully behind what Pand has said earlier.  Nobody is anything but delighted for you and I personally want to hear about every last little twinge and detail of your pregnancy!!!!!! You are inspiration and hope for me with my donor eggies/embies. 
Cinders - i think the weather must be affecting us all with melancholy! and the let down of xmas being over.  I wish the sparkly lights could stay on till the clocks change in spring  
Pand and everyone, thanks for your kind words of comfort.  It does make it all a bit more easy knowing everyone knows where everyone else is coming from, so to speak.  
I had my second scan yesterday morning and my lining had miraculously reduced from 6.1mls on Thurs to 3.3mls yesterday - I had not been bleeding and have no idea how this happened but the dr scanning me didn't seem too surprised.  So, back on track with the tx, now on HRT tablets with next scan on Thurs 17th.  Like a muppet I burst into tears when the dr said all okay, DH just laughed and said I always cry at everything and anything (which is true but all the same...   ), and i felt really really depressed for about 6 hours afterwards even though this was the news I wanted to hear, in floods of tears, just yearning and grieving all at the same time (anyone know what i'm on about   ) but I have to say, i think the HRT has kicked in cos i feel okay again today.  Just onto the next step...

Nanook - i've had an idea... why not get a motorbike?  Much easier to park and a lot more fun... I had one for 16 years, sold it last year...  

love to Lainey and Kateag and a big hi to Tuck - i'm quite new myself Tuck, still trying to make head and tails of all the lovely ladies in here. I've been having that birthday party sympathy for 7 years now.... after a few years most people shut up about asking if you have any more kids, particularly when they see my wrinkles!

DH is about to leave for his new job in Dorset in an hour so better go and talk with him cos i won't see him till Friday now    

love Wendeth x


----------



## SUSZY

Girls
You are all so lovely and I feel like crying all over again.
I am the one supposed to be supporting and cheering you lot up and here you are bolstering me.
I was feeling fine and we had been out for a lovely night to a 40th probably one of the best I have had over christmas, I had two glasses of top quality champagne and had a dance.
Its so weird having this news and telling some and not others but not necessairly saying the full story.  Its weird but I used to want to talk about all my stuff with everyone but ever since finding FF I just come on here to share my inner most thoughts!

Its just a strange and wonderful place to be and yet does your head in a bit at the same time.
I feel happier and its lovely knowing there really could be a baby at the end of this and yet at the same time my brian still struggles to accept it.  The weird thing is I feel thinner now than I have for a long time, my appetite has declined quite a bit and I eat a lot of soup!  If you really want to know the twinges its mainly my boobs at night and have to wear one of those strappy vest things to hold them in place a bit. One of the girls last night commented for the second time about my cleavage must admit I am pretty proud of it but not sure how much its increased.

Having a restful day except dh keeps calling me to help with the campervan, he is stripping it ready to go to a man who is going to replace lots of old rusty pieces with newer second hand less rusty pieces.  I dont like to see it being stripped but dh is a bit of a perfectionist and says as we are spending so much on it he wants it coating on the inside with primer or some rust free thing.
You know we have had Blue Moon for 3 and half years now and she was like our baby when I was getting lots of new arrival messages it seemed every couple of months from various people I knew I sent one out one day with a photo of the van attached!


Missby    so hope tomorrow goes ok for you and we will all be thinking of you at 1030.  My thoughts are with you, am planning to go to church a bit later as there is a belated christingle service and want to say a prayer for my brother and will say one for your mum too.
Good luck sweetheart.

wendeth - I think the tears are understandable, its such a huge thing that you are going through the pressure of the medication, the waiting and the scans is a lot to bare, I think tears are a good outlet for us women and it does not do any harm in crying.  Good luck for the next scan and we are all here.  yes I know we are still fairly new but on this thread we all get to know each other pretty quickly.  Thanks for your lovely comments too and hope you dont miss dh too much this week, when do you move?  its lovely being called an inspiration and I think in some ways we all inspire each other.

Pand - Thanks as ever for your kind and supportive words - it means a lot. I just feel a little lost at mo but if you are sure you dont mind hearing a bit about the pg as well then I will keep posting but do a bit of both as it were.  I know its hard to stay positive re the ivf but you really must try too, I know I felt better because I was actually doing something but it was stressful re the scans esp when it came to it being Ang's turn.  I keep saying I thought IVF was great and it was but I did not have to go through the stimming and EC which I believe to be the worst bits but I am sure you will sail through it and as you have been through so much already you will just take it in your stride.
So good luck and we are all keeping our fingers crossed.

tuck - welcome , so glad you came over to post, I think its important to come and share your feelings and it does not really matter what your history its the feelings and emotions that 2ndry infert create that are the same and make us like one big happy family.  The parties are defo the worse but then now I have the problem of kids in ds class having parties and not inviting him.  If and when we have this baby I am going to have such a big party ! (and you are all invited) and hopefully lots of you will have bumps then.  

Lainey - thanks for your kind words too we love you too and sorry you are feeling so down but think again its natural and I do believe like Wendeth/cinders say its due to the weather and dark nights and cold.  I am still going to look into getting a light box.  Although it was lovely today and I have hardly been outside.  I think you do need to mourne the loss of a preg as for all intents and purposes it was and it certainly was the potential of one - I think your numbness is a self protection mechanism and as ever I think counselling would be a good idea. I know I went, it did not nec help re baby related matters as went on about friendship issues all the time but its all connected.  Really hope work is not too bad - I remember you saying they were a nice bunch so it might not be as bad as you think.

nanook - good luck with the work dilemma. do hope you and dp get on better soon.

kateag - yes I know we have not chatted that much but do remember reading you liked the shops!!!!
hope you are ok and thanks for your kind words too.

cinders - good luck with the appt, thinking of you as ever and wishing you all the best

mrs chaos - you are a bit quiet hope you are ok

faithfull - hope you are doing ok and had a good weekend.

as ever hope everyone else is ok Lyndalou, gabrielle, honeyprincess, samblue, chimer, kelway if she wants to come back and anyone else I have missed
just seen the time must dash for church
speak more tomorrow
take care my very special friends
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Just been trawling internet to find non-existent information about whether I will be successful doing iui!  So stupid I know, I don't know why I keep doing it as I must have read everything on the internet already, and in any case it's all percentages and even if i found a study saying that 98% secondary unexplained get pregnant doing IUI - i could still be (and knowing me, probably would be) that 2% that didn't get pregnant! AAAGGGGhhh    Must just try to be positive instead!

Hope everybody is ready for their dd's and ds's going back to school tomorrow.  I'm totally disorganised and have only just put my dd's PE kit in the wash!  

Pand - have just been reading your diary, it made me want to cry because all the things that you say about your ds is how I feel about my dd!  But your best mate is right you must be positive, if nothing else you've got a better chance doing IVF than by doing nothing!  It must be really hard for you though with all the hormones going around your body, and i don't think Christmas and new year help as it makes you kind of assess where you are in life.  Anyway, hang on in there once you're back at work the time will fly by.

Wendeth - all the best with your treatment too.  Hope you're coping with all the injections Ok.

Tuck - Welcome, I dropped you a line on the thread you started.  Hope 2008 is a better year for you.

Kateag - How are you doing?  Are you starting Clomid soon?

Lainey- Nice to hear from you, I know I've not been chatting here long but I know you've been going through a nightmare.  I think the waiting to start treatment is so hard because you're not actively doing anything. It's been driving me mad having to wait this last couple of months to start IUI. I really feel for you.  

Suszy - It must seem very surreal for you, I can imagine that if I ever get pregnant again I won't believe it until I'm holding that precious bundle in my arms! Just treasure this time as best you can.


Cinders - Hope appointment goes well / went well - have lost track of whether it was this week or last week!

Nanook - have you decided on the job yet?  All these life decisions are so taxing aren't they? 

Everyone else that I've missed, hello, hope you're getting back into the swing of things after the festive break.

Take Care All

Faithful xxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Thanks for your support as always - you are such a brilliant bunch and Suzy - I just wanted to say that Pand was exact in what she wrote hun and we all love you to pieces so dont go feeling guilty or anything else like that...

Well - as for the job - I still dont know!!!  have worked out money etc and to be honest I would be about the same off working at local garage! with a lot less hassle!!!  After I have paid out for petrol, parking and for someone to have Kane after school...  plus Id see more of him so Im going along there tom and will also wait to see exactly how much NSPCC offer and go from there -----  its so hard to know what to do..  I really want to work for NSPCC but I know what Im like, and if Im having to drop Kane off before 8 and not seeing him again till half 6 it will really do my head in and Ill end up not going...  I just dont know!!  what a pain..

Wendeth, you make me laugh!  A  motorbike!!!  I have my driving test at the end of Jan and you're talking of motorbikes!!  Crikey!  ha ha Good idea though...  xx

Please dont worry about me guys - dont know what to do with DH so christ only knows what im playing at wanting another baby.  In fact, at the moment its the last thing I need to be honest...  dosent stop me wanting a sibling for Kane though but Ive resigned myself to the fact that another reason to be tied to dh is probably not a good thing...

Speak soon guys, got to go and clear up Kanes dinner things.

Love you all xx


----------



## nanook

Oh yes, needless to say the Ghostbusters werent needed, although dh didnt arrive home till half 11 with phone off all night (batteries died!?!?)   I was tempted to scream 'do I look F**ing stupid' but thought Id better not so ignored it and went to bed instead............. x


----------



## Pand

Nanook - You are having a hard time... batteries died on the phone?  Hmmm.  You know what job I used to do.  One thing I have learnt in life is to trust your instincts.  Have you challenged your dh about your suspicions?  Is it possible you are wrong?  Is it possible how you are feeling about yourself is affecting how you are feeling in any way?  if not then perhaps you ought to have it out with him?  Oh I don't know.  It's difficult to know what to say in this sort of situation.  Whatever you decide we are here to listen and try and help if we can.


Faithfullyhoping - thanks flower.  I know what you mean about trawling the internet.  I just want to be able to put "Am I ever going to have any more children?"  into google and have it answer it for me!!  Do you think it would?  I'm exactly like you.  It doesn't matter how good they tell you your chances are, I still worry about the percentage that could go wrong.  I'm a born worrier like that!  I really hope the IUI does it for you.


Suzy Suzy -  Oh lady of the pneumatic boobs!!!! How lovely it was to log on and see one of your fab posts!  We would seriously be lost without you, and would love to hear all about your pregnancy my flower!  It gives us all hope as I've said before.  Just sit tight my love.  Not long til that 12 week scan.  Just cling on by your finger nails, then you may be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.  It's so sad that you feel lost, but I understand why.  We will always be your friends.  We've been through too much together for that to just disappear!  

Wendeth - Good news about your lining mate!  Well done you!  Totally understand the emotional rollercoaster thing... I could cry at the drop of a hat at the moment!  Blame it on the drugs, I do!

Kateag - Thanks for your kind words and advice.  I will do my best to banish thoughts, but I think I must think about it as often as men think about sex!  Still I'm back at work now, so I don't get time to think then, so that might help a little!


Lainey - Thanks for you pm hun.  I think counselling would be a great idea.  I've had counselling now since October and still have some sessions to go.  I found a group who focus on miscarriage/bereavement and it really has helped me, despite being somewhat reticent to start with.  What area do you live in?  I could make enquiries with my group to see if they have one local to you (unless you live near Worcester in which case I would recommend my counsellor).

Cinders - have sent you another mammoth pm!!!!!!  Our chats are really helping!

Hi to everyone else!

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## nanook

Hi Pand will write tom - dh back home (half past nine today....)  x


----------



## SUSZY

nanook - sending you lots of love and hugs - think I must have missed a post somewhere but can gauge you are having a rough time at the moment wth dh, we are here for you sweetheart     .  Not sure what to say re your job because in some ways think it would be good for you to have a job you really enjoy - could you perhaps try it for a while and if you dont like it in six months leave?

Pand - just going to go and read your diary - keep staying positive - you will get there sweetheart you really will. I have a good feeling about this for you.  You are sounding a lot better darling so glad the counsellor and chats with fellow ffers helping!  Wish I could see our lady more often as she is brill.  Thanks for your lovely comments again.  How was work today?  was it an inset day? what was it like to be back.

faithful - when I kept asking the dr about the rates comparing iui to ivf they said they were he same in my age group.  I really think it has a very good chance of working and know someone on here and it worked 2nd time for them.

wendeth  good luck !

cinders and Lainey - lots of love and hugs to you both as ever     

missby - so hope today went ok      really thinking of you - take care darling.

love to everyone else as ever

only one and half more days left til the scan I will be 10 wks and 3 days although it will be 9 weeks since EC.
did I tell you Ang has got a puppy??
take care my sweets
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi all


Just been for acupuncture and am feeling well chilled!!!

suszy - thanks for your words about iui chances, it really helps me to hear some positive feedback. How many scans do you get with your treatment? Is it one initial one and then the 12 week scan or do you have them inbetween aswell?  I feel like I should know all these things but really haven't got a clue! Like pand said, hang on in there!

Pand - Yes that's exactly what I feel like doing when I'm on the internet.  I wonder if we went on 'Ask Jeeves' whether he'd get the answer for us!  

Nanook - sorry you're having bad time with dh. Infertility can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, maybe that's got something to do with it. Hope things improve for you.  

Wendeth - thanks for you pm, hope you're OK and feeling positive about tx.

Hi to everyone else, must go and get some lunch as have got to go out.


Faithful xxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Guys

Sorry, no personals today  

I had an unexpected call from the hospital today.  It seems they did more tests on the baby and it turns out it had a chromosome defect aswell.  This wasn't news I was expecting, I thought the partial molar thing was the diagnosis, I wasn't expecting anything else.  She said it has a triploidy of chromosome 10, I need to go on tinternet to look that up cos I don't know what that is.  I expect it means the baby had 3 of chromosome 10 instead of two.  They are going to do blood tests on DH and I to establish whether one of us is carrying a defective gene or whether it was just one of those things.  More tests, more waiting.  Feel like someone is trying to tell us to give up.  She also casually mentioned that it was a little boy    Feel devastated.  I had always thought of it up til now as a blob with no viability but now it has an identity.  I don't really understand all this, how could they tell it was a boy?  I thought they said it had been fertilised by two sperm so how can they tell.  I find it all mind blowing.

I also went back to work today to discover that I am being made redundant, not that I am bothered about that.  My boss was lovely about it all.  I told him there are more important things in life than a job and that being made redundant is small fry compared with what else I have to deal with at the moment.

I had hoped the new year was going to bring me better luck but things are not improving.  Perhaps I should not get out of bed anymore in the morning, then nothing can go wrong  

POO, that's what it is!

Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

hello ladies
Suszy has asked me to post for her.
She went to her scan today and there was no heartbeat.
She is still at the hospital now waiting for some medication. 
I am so devastated for her and her family... why is life so cruel??


----------



## Pand

So utterly devastated for Susie.  Why? Why does this happen to such lovely people?  Susie we will speak when ur ready.  Words cannot really express how sorry I am.   

Pand


----------



## cinders35

oh no no no no no......
           
How awful for you & your family Suszy. 
It must be painful for you too Ang. 
Why oh why?
No words will comfort you at this time Suszy, but I am thinking of you. Lots.
Love Cindersxxx  
This is a group hug for everyone


----------



## A.T.C.C

The pain im feeling is for Suszy. She is such a lovely person and we have become really good friends and im just feeling devstated for her. I want to be able to give her a hug and make it better but we live too far away from eachother for me to be there.


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh God!

I don't know what to say.  I am so gutted for Susie, this is dreadful.  Why can't just one of us get a happy ending?  I feel so angry and upset  

Susie - we love you and really feel for you lovie.  My heart is breaking for you.  You don't deserve this.  I am thinking of you and sending all my love and best wishes to you, dh and ds, who must also be devastated.     

Ang - this must be hard for you too so sending my love to you too.  You went through so much to do this for Susie, this is just so tough all round  



Lainey x


----------



## missyb

suzy & ange im so so sorry to hear your news.. im devastated for you all. if you need to talk i am here for you 110% as you have been there for me.

while im here i just wanted to thank you all for your kind words, wishes and prayers. you are a special bunch and im blessed to have you and call you my friends.


amanda xx


----------



## moominemma

Thinking of you Suzsy, and Lainey too  

Emma xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Suszy and Angie...just dont know what to say....thinking of you......


----------



## Wendeth

Thinking of you Susie   -  have put a better post on the Donor Newbies thread for you.

Lainey - you are having such a hard time lately.  I am so sad for you.  How very difficult that phone conversation must have been.

This is such a rocky road.

Wendeth x


----------



## SUSZY

Girls
you know I cannot keep away from you all and ff
thank you so much for your kind and supportive words esp when you are all going through so much at the moment
missby esp you when your heart must be aching all the time - we are here for you sweetheart
lainey - i am so sorry about the latest news esp the casual way she said it was a boy and yet in some ways its interesting to know re he chromosomes..  As is my third m/c I am going to be tested and the embryo is going to liverpool for tests, I know its more unsual with a donor egg but i still want to know what they say or find.
On thing though FF has empowered me and I am demanding counselling and the appts asap.
We have decided we are going to use the frosties as soon as we can and if it fails get a dog.
Sadly ds was with us at the scan and we all cried together and then dh told ds and to keep our chins up that we would try again and get a dog so ds seemed ok with that.  Although in the car on the way back to school he said to dh it might grow again but came out of school telling my friend the baby has stopped growing, I think with hindsight it was the best way for him to find out, it was just very surreal as almost exactly four years to the day when he was coming up 2 that the same thing happened.  However he understood more today but seems excited re the frosties and dog esp!!!  I bought a teddy bear back from an adoption talk that I was going to anyway (very sad as lots of siblings looking for homes together sometimes up to 6 of them) its called Beanie and we are all going to cuddle it when we feel sad about the baby.  I just hope we find out the reason why and its so cruel you have to wait for three m/c to find out.  I just cannot understand why its happened with Angs egg, the embryo was top quality text book and the other was nearly as good so why did it not stay.  Why did my first m/c stop at 9 weeks and this one at 8 weeks, why do I never bleed and my body still think I am pregnant - its the worse bit and why I could not truely believe of relax.  As dh said we have lived the dream for eight weeks and it was good.  we both say we would rather not got preg again than m/c but we have lived that dream for nearly 10 weeks and it was lovely and i owe that to ang.
I have taken one tablet and go back in on friday all day waiting for it all to come out having to do everything over a cardboard thing and then the remains will be sent of for testing, at 9 weeks we saw a butterbean with a dot for an eye, I wanted to bring this one home and bury it but if its going off for testing cannot.  I will buy a tree I think. sorry if that too much info for some of you but I find it helps with closure.
Will go now
thanks as ever for your support it means a lot
i am here for you all too as think some of you having a hard sad times too 
i just hope this ok mood stays and i dont fall apart tomorrow although might officially mark thurs and fri my mourning days and then get right back in that saddle like all the other inspirational people I have met on here.
like lainey we have to wait a while although not as long to get my body back - it still things its preg
anyway as i told Ang i am going to join her on WW, get back to the gym and I will be so thin people will see right through me!
love
susie


----------



## tuck

Oh Susie, I am so very sorry to hear this news, you must be devastated. words are not enough.
Your dh and ds sound very special and will help you through this.
I think planting a tree is a lovely idea, I planted one after my 1st loss and will look in the Spring for one to mark my 2nd.
sending you strength and hugs  
tuckxx
i know i'm new to this but i feel you have been so very welcoming i wanted to tell you i was thinking of you.


----------



## cinders35

Oh my goodness, you are so strong Suszy, you ladies on here really are an inspiration. Hat's off to you!
We are all devestated for you and your family as you know.
Thinking of you over the next couple of days  .
Love to all my special ff's.
Cindersxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

suszy - I'm so sorry i don't know what to say either like Lainey says we could really do with some good news on here. I really can't believe it. It sounds like you're all being very brave about it, life really can be cruel can't it. Perhaps the tests will show up something that can prevent it from happening again.  Thinking of you  

Lainey - I typed out two messages to you yesterday but my internet connection was really slow and I lost them both!    It must have been such a shock for you getting a phonecall out of the blue like that, and then to say it was a boy when you hadn't been thinking of it as a viable pregnancy - it all sounds very confusing. At least if they do some tests - like suszy - they may find something which prevents it from happening again. sorry about your job too, it's strange how our journeys through infertility help us to look at things from a completely different perspective than we would have done before isn't it?  Hope you find something else soon, and that it's something you enjoy.

Hope you don't mind me sharing my more positive news, we had our iui chat yesterday with the nurse.  She was cautiously positive about our chances, she said that it seems that iui gets a bad press sometimes because some clinics carry it out with inappropriate referrals; and that it very much depends on the women being treated. She said that they were looking at the figures for last year and one month they had 0 pregnancies and another month 5 out of 8 achieved a pregnancy!  So, we'll see how it goes then, just got to wait for af to arrive now which won't be for another couple of weeks.  It was quite funny because she was talking about how they had only just emptied the room because the labs had been refitted, I felt like saying yes I know that because one of my fertility friends told me! (Pand!)

Anyway better go and do some tidying up and get to the supermarket


Lots of love


Faithful xxxx


----------



## missyb

hi suzy... just wanted to say that you and dh are in my thoughts. you seem so strong at the moment but i know that there will be good days and bad days. just wanted you to know that we are here for you and if you need to or want to talk i can pm you my mobi (you will probably need to empty your inbox lol x) please take care of yourself. we all love you to bits and will be here to see you thru this. i will go as im waffling again (some things never change!)


all my love to my fabulous ff's 

amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Susie - I hope you are ok today.  I took the liberty of sending you an email to your private address, I hope this is ok.  I tried to do a pm but your inbox is full.

You sound so strong, you are a brave girl.  If you need us we are here.  Look, here i am, first in line, please form a queue behind me! 

I hope the tests will give you some answers.  

Cinders - good luck today  

Faithfully - glad you are feeling more positive about IUI.  

Love to everyone else

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
Your messages brought tears to my eyes and your support and love means so much.
Getting your email was lovely Lainey and no worries to my normal email - it made me cry and I cannot believe how wonderfully kind and loving you are all being when you are all going through such hard stuff yourself.
Esp you missby - we are here for you too.
cinders - good luck for today- have lost track a bit -
As soon as I realised something was wrong I knew I had to phone my mum and Ang and then tell everyone on here and I knew everyone would be so upset.  Despite my prev moaning I realise I have a strong support network of people both on here as well as in the off line world and it means a lot.  People are so caring and loving and emphatic and FF in particular as been a godsend as ever and I feel so normal and at home on here.  Its like its where I was meant to be and seeing you girls continue to struggle week after week and be so strong and brave has inspired me and i am determined not to get down again.  being preg for those glorious few weeks made me realise there was so much of my life that I am so lucky to have and enjoy and that perhaps my longing for another so much as taken me away from it somewhat and I am going to try and get back to the here and now and enjoy the good things.  I am trying to focus on the positives of the outcome the fact that I can have a drink if I want, the fact that i can go to the sauna/steamroom - to to the spa when I get to cparcs, join Ang at WW, use my voucher for a hair cut, massage and champagne I won at a raffle, Yes I still want another but I think the desperation has gone.  We will hopefully find some answers from the tests although some how I doubt it, we will use the frosties and then we will get a dog.  i am surprised how ok I am but think its because I have you lot, I have so much love and support on here that it makes me feel so humble.  Also on this website what has happened to me makes me feel normal as its what continually gets thrown at us all in varying degrees.  I have watched you all pick yourselves up and dust yourselves down and go back after that dream and i am going to do the same.  yes like missby says I am sure there are going to be bad days but I want to start enjoying the little boy I have so much more.  Not sure if I am getting this over as ever I get a bit confused in my mind when it comes out.
The main thing is girls you mean a lot to me and to come on here and find all your wonderful messages means the world and means i wont let myself go under - I am here to stay - I am back in the club - ok its not the club we want but its our club and we are going to continue the fight together, we are here for each other through thick and thin and we are one strong team.  I love you all and whether you are new or old we are in it together and we will help and support each other and we will get to the end of our journey - wherever that may be.  I feel honoured to have met you and thank you.
I also feel so honoured to have met Ang and i am upset for her too, you know she has sent me the most wonderful beautiful flowers and from all the people they could have been from they were from here saying she was there for me.  This like your messages has made me cry but also feel incredibly privileged to have met you all.
lots of love
susie
ps i have just posted it and hope it makes sense


----------



## *kateag*

Hi everyone. 

Suzy, I am so sorry for your loss hun. I haven't been on here for a few days, but I cant believe what you have been through again. No words can comfort you but I am sending you all my love. You are a very strong lady, the tree is a lovely idea.   I hope you, dh and ds will be ok. xxx

Lainey I'm also really sorry to hear your news hun, I hope the tests come back with nothing to worry about, do you know how long you have to wait to find out?

Amanda, hope you are doing ok, this board hasnt had much luck lately has it, I wish it would all be better for you all. xxx

Faithful, glad your appointment went well hun, and that you are feeling more positive. xx

My news doesn't seem even remotely important now! I was told this morning that the doctor who would be treating me with the clomid cycle has gone on indef leave and they don't know when he's back. They have no one else replacing him, and no other clinic to send me to. So no clomid for me. SO, I had my GP app today to ask for bloods to be done before IVF and she has done them all, and today. So in 3 months time, god willing, I could be starting IVF again. Im praying for 3rd time lucky. 

Sending everyone a massive hug. 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

It makes perfect sense Susie and I know exactly what you are saying.  I do feel a bit of the desperation went from me when I had the m/c, I don't know why.  

You are so lovely and we are also privileged to know you.  I am filling up  

As for Ang, she really is a special lady.  After everything she has done already, to send you flowers aswell is so kind.  Ang - we all love you on here and thank you so much for the chance you have given to Susie.  It takes an amazing person to do what you have done for no other reason than that you want to help someone.  Special hugs for you too  

I am also so grateful to have met you lot.  I spoke to Amanda on the phone yesterday for the first time and we chatted for ages, it was so lovely.  I feel honoured to know you all.

Getting soppy now so had better go  

Love to everyone

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Sorry Kate, our messages crossed.

Sorry to hear that you can't have clomid now. Do you want to do IVF again?

The results of my tests will take a month.  I am having the blood tests done next Wednesday.

Lainey x


----------



## *kateag*

No probs hun, 

I dont mind doing the IVF, Im pretty used to it now so it doesn't really scare me, it's just the big WILL IT WONT IT that drives me slightly doolally. Oh well. What will be will be. 

Boo is off to a party now, so better get a move on. 

Hope the tests come back good, and the month passes quickly. xxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Evening Ladies,

Hope everyone is well....take extra special care......xxxxxGabxxxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone,
I feel as though we are all really bonding in our times of need. 
It seems that we are in the bottom of a pit then occasionally one of us gets a foothold, we think we are out. All of us left at the bottom are shouting 
"have a good trip, send us a postcard!" and thinking how much we we will miss that lucky person. Thinking how lucky they are, wondering excitedly, & somewhat apprehensively who will be next? Occasionally we get a postcard with happy news, but so often, too often it would seem, they loose their footing, and come sliding back down unceremoniously, and with a bit of a bump to our pit. A litle bit worse for wear,  and jet lagged from their trip. Now it's ever so homely in this pit, and ofcourse who wouldn't be glad to see them again? We welcome them warmly, but we each at hoped our reunion would have been at the top. Out of our hole. Does someone want to climb on my shoulders, see if they can see out?

I am so full of it!!!!    

Kate- your news is important too! Sorry its not good news though. Doesn't there seem just too many hurdles? Our dd's must be very close in age. How is yours coping with school? My dd doing well, but think she is very tired by the end of the week. Don't think it helped this week when she has woken early 5.30am and not gone back to sleep! And had a nightmare last night & came into us at sleeptime o'clock! I used to be quite strict, and always take her back to her room, but think I am mellowing in my old age!  

Lainey- how you feeling about things now? Real life chatting on the phone!!!! Somehow doesn't surprise me that you and missyb could talk for hours!!!! 
You are such a lovely person with all the support you are giving everyone.

I feel a little humbled to be in the company of such strong, courageous women to be honest! To be going through this sort of pain, and still have the strength to think of others amazes me.

Suszy- oh strong, supportive, loving, deserving Suszy. I haven't really known what to say. Your sad news took the wind out of my sails. I just naively thought that you would be ok with Ang eggs. I have just thought of DG though,correct me if I'm wrong but she had no luck with fresh cycle, and is now pg with twins from frozen cycle. 
I still don't know what to say. I haven't been through it you see (yet  )
I am amazed at the strength you have shown, and the sheer willpower that you won't let yourself go under again. We will be here if/when you need your hand holding. I should think you can expect a whole range of emotions to come knocking at your door in the times ahead, and we will   with you,   with you,   with you,   with you,   with you, or just chillout with you. Whatever you need, we will be here. 
Welcome back in the pit Suszy, in the nicest possible way, we didn't want you back!  

Ang- I am at even more of a loss as to what to say to you! What you have done is amazing. That just sounds so lame. I hope you are rewarded for being such a special person, not sure how?....might have a word with the queen!!!!  

Missyb- as for you, where do you get such strength of character? Same place as your GSOH?!  

Faithful- glad that things are looking good for your IUI. One of the ladies on my county board has had success with her first basting, so fingers crossed for you.  

Pand, how was your takeaway? You doing ok today? I had a large glass of wine last night!! Wish I had more willpower, as could really do with loosing a few pounds before start next treatment! Your hormones still sending you bit   loopy? You surely are d/r a long time, but hopefuly it will all be worth it.  

Nanook, you ok? Made any decisions about that job yet? Hope you are ok? I know you mentioned a few problems with dp, have you had a nose around the relationships board? You are always welcome to post anything on here, but if you feel more comfortable posting those sort of things on relationship board then go for it. Please don't think that I am prying!!!    


Hey Gab, Mrs Chaos, how y'all doing? Did you manage to get through xmas unscathed?  



Hey Tuck, Wendeth, Moomimemma,Chimer please forgive me. I have memory like sieve and can't quite remember where everyone is at. It's not that I think any less of any newer members of the family, it's just that I'm a bit thick at times, and need a while to get to grips with everyones profile. It would really help if we could still see profile when we are messaging wouldn't it? So     and please forgive me.

Emilycaitlin, hope you are ok, as you can be.    

Going to post this before I loose it!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## cinders35

As for me-had follow up today.
I have grade 2 endometriosis. The right tube is thickened and blocked. Went in with my list and still came out not knowing if it is possible to unblock it!   See what I mean about memory like a sieve!!! I presume not anyway, or he would have suggested it? He could only see one endometrioma, and has drained that so have to hope it goes and doesn't fill back up.
He mobilised my ovaries   ouch!!! He reckons I am more fertile now than before the surgery, so we'll see. But actually we feel ready to go into the next, and possibly final cycle of ivf. So we are hoping to start d/r on day 21 of next cycle which will be mid feb. I will be doing the cycle almost a year to the day I did the first cycle. Oh well.
So I am waiting to find out what bloods I need prior to treatment. But hopefully, all systems go from day 21 of next cycle. That means the result will be end of march.
Pand, you are a few carriages ahead on the ivf rollercoaster, so try not to throw up on the way round!   My knuckles are white already!!  

Lot's a love

Cindersxxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Suszy  I am so, so sorry my darling, I am devastated for you and your family  Life is so cruel 
Please know I am thinking of you. You are a wonderful lady, one who has given such support and warmth to so many of us on here, my heart breaks for you.
Take care my lovely, sending you huge 

Sorry I've been awol, going through some crap myself at the moment...but plodding on 

MissyB am here anytime my lovely ok  must have a catch up natter soon  
Gab hi hunni  thinking of you.

To everyone else (sorry am pants at personals today) sending huge  and 

Take care all
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## fabizzy

Hi all 

Just want to say a big   to suzey you are amazing hun have been keeping up with your story and can't believe that you are still so strong and also so caring about others in your time of need. I would of been on the floor by now and so I would like to say that you are a example to all of us on how to be a really nice and caring person babe.  

I wish you all the luck in the world

Rachelxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lainey-lou

Hi All

Cinders - I am definitely in that pit with you and, as you say, thought I had found a way out last year.  unfortunately I lost my footing and on my way back down hit my head on a rock, ripped my trousers on a protruding twig and landed in a pile of poo at the bottom.

I am beginning to quite like it in my pit, it would be strange to be out of it.  I feel like a convict who has become institutionalised and fearful of being released.    Or Stig of the dump.  Did he live in a pit?  Oh no, he lived in a dump.  I just look and feel like him.

Not really sure whether your appointment was good or bad.  Are you happy with the answers?

Susie - thinking of you as always  

Missy - thinking of you too  

Pand - are you ok?  Hope the d/r is going ok and you are not too overwraught  

Hi to Gab, MrsChaos, Chimer, Nanook, Kateag, Faithfully, Wendeth, Tuck and anyone else I've missed.

Ang - thanks for the pm  

Love to you all

Lainey xx


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## cinders35

Lainey!!

Thought there was a funny smell, you need to change those trousers seeing as you've sat in something and their wripped!!
Don't care if you like it down here, in this dark, damp stinky overcrowded pit! I will be kicking you out myself, either that or reaching down and pulling you out (if only!)
Appointment was as expected really. Suppose I just find it a bit hard to be excited, knowing the emotional rollercoaster I am about to ride!!! But ok with how it went.

Did anyone see that brain training programme for children on tv tonight? Fascinating.

Love to all,

Cindersxxx


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## SUSZY

Girls as ever thank you for your kind supportive words and Cinders you really are a writer - perhaps we should all write about our experiences and get cinders to put it in a book!!
I have more news but the full story is on my diary.
Its a little TMI, I had some pain and a lot of discomfort starting this pm at 3pm and by about 7pm I had passed a perfect placenta with this little thing floating around in side, you could see the head , eyes, buds for arms and legs, its just like the photo on the back on the book I have referred to - eerily so.  Its very surreal but there we have it - I feel better for it being out and knowing I dont have to go in all day tomorrow - we are just taking it along to be tested although part of me wants to bury it in garden with a tree.
dh wants to get it tested to help us and others. my mum tried to talk me into a d&c but am so glad we chose this path again.  I knew something was happening as it was so painful- anyway its out and amazing to look at and much much better and clearer than the scan.  I made my dad and step mum see it as well!
no one thinks I should show ds so wont but will take some photos
sorry cinders re  the endo and hope you really are more fertile - what we all go through
kateag - sorry re the clommid but it really is a horrid drug - ivf tx will soon be here.
pand - thinking of you good luck tx and we are here wishing you along 
missby - sending you lots of love
gab - hi sweetheart
lainey - here for you as ever
mrs chaos - sorry things are so pants

thanks to everyone else for your wonderful support it means such a lot, i will be back soon being my supportive self hopefully thanks for the support

i am eating crisps drinking wine - dh and my dad are on the wII all feels normal.
love
susie


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## fabizzy

Hi Suzy

Would just like to say I can understand what has just happened to you as it happened to me too.  I found out around 8 weeks that my babies heart had stopped with a scan but I started to bleed an hour or two after so I was sent home to wait and the same thing happened this perfect little baby came out all in one piece.  Me and DH didn't know what to do we were not having it tested as it was our first pregnancy so in the end after much soul searching I decided that I would like to let in float away in a lake  ( I hope this doesn't sound too crazy) but that is what we did.  We lived in France at the time and about 10 miles away was a beautiful park and it had a huge lake in it so we took it there and said a prayer and off he or she floated and it made me feel much better.  We visited the place a few years ago with our two dd's and played in the snow and I looked at the lake and I was able to remember.  I was not sad I felt happy at how far we had come since then.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and that it just wasn't meant to be.  I do not in anyway mean that it was not a traumatic and painful time and that I was not heartbroken because I was just that it was fate that I was meant to go on and have my two beautiful daughters who I wouldn't change for the world.  I think planting a tree is a really good idea.  I hope that you get some answers as to why this has happened to you and I hope that fate treats you as well as it has treated me. (if that makes any sense)

Rachelxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lainey-lou

Susie - how harrowing for you.  It sounds amazing though, in a way I would like to have seen my baby like that.

I think it is the right decision not to show your ds.  We told dd too much about the IVF and she came to the hospital when I had the ERPC.  Soon after she started to wet the bed.  I sat down with her and told her I was ok and explained that the doctors had made me better and the bed wetting stopped.  She cried on Wednesday though when we took her for a routine hospital appointment, I had to explain that the doctor wouldn't do anything to her and she calmed down a bit.  I know she is a bit younger than your ds but I sometimes regret telling her so much because I think she is a bit young to deal with it all.

I hope you don't mind me saying that, I just think sometimes they seem so mature and able to deal with things that we want to share all the news with them, but they are still babies really and it is best kept from them.

I hope this is coming across in the way it was meant to  

Love to you as always.  How are you doing today?

Lainey x


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## A.T.C.C

Hi there
Lainey - i agree with your post. I am open with my children and it does help things cos i think you also get the openess in return but there is a point to stop at.
Children may seem fine with details when they are being told but then they have to go to bed on their own and they have all that time to think. They have to sit in a classroom all day and have all those daydreams.. who knows what goes through their minds ??
They take it all in and make of it what they can with their little brains and innocence.
When i told my dd who is 10 about Suszy she looked distraught... she went really quiet and i wondered what was going through her head. I only told her that Suszy had a scan and the baby had no heartbeat and so the pregnancy wouldnt continue.
We dont know what they go on to tell their friends either.... we may feel like telling them lots is good for them but then what do they go on to tell others? especially if they are young and the relayed information is too much for another child to hear and understand.
It has to be down to your own judgement as we know our children best but i think as long as the info isnt too much then it should be ok for them to digest.. anything more could turn out to be traumatising.

Ive just jumped down off my soapbox now so ill wish you ladies a good day   
Love Ang xxx


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## nanook

OMG!!  Its only been a couple of days since I was on here but it seems like I have missed so much!

Firstly Suzy!  I have tears running down my face right now babe... I am SO sorry about what has happened I am in disbelief!  My love to you, Ang, and your families....  

Lainey - Ive found nurses can sometimes be a little insensitive...  hope you are ok??!? I get whatyou mean re the identity thing and you would have been better not knowing I think.. x

Pand - hope you are ok??  thanks for always being concerned about me but Im fine, really!  late on again this month - ue on 3/4 days ago I think so no wonder my hormones are everywhere...  Have decided to get a job within school hours and feel I have made the right choice..  me and dh getting on better - my Mum remineded me that in the 10 years me and dh have been together, this time of year always brings problems for some reason....  maybe its money etc after christmas..
who knows??  Maybe will look on the relationship board Cinders but struggle to open up (I feel as if I know you guys a little...?>) and still wanting to deny there is a problem at all!!  

My Dad today reminded me that DS will be 7 this year!!  I cant beleive it has gone so quick and it brought home this fertility stuff has now been ongoing for 5 years!  How time flies...........

Anyway must go and get him from school so love to you all and Ill try and get back on later.. xx

Special hugs to Suzy


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## cinders35

Extreme quicky,
Got to go and get dd from school at 3.15pm. Am tied to my lap top trying to catch up with my course. Last assignment due in 25th jan, loads to do!
More time on OU website, less time on ff for me for a few weeks I think  .
Love you all,
Cindersxxx


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## *Lollipop*

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to say again....Our Suszy you are in my thoughts and prayers, I always knew you would find the strength to go through this, although I have never experienced this I can only assume it must feel like a part of you is missing..I just want you to know that we are all there with you...xxxx


Cinders - ref the tube honey...there is a fert gynae cons at our hospital and he does a sort of salpingostomy or something like that....i.e he manages to open blocked tubes..what I will say is yr cons is right about the 6-9 months conception window after having a lap. After my lap in so many days.... ....I reckon we will give it one more try and then just let nature take its course as dont want to do any more damage inside than necessary...ie...the more laps you have apparently the less chance of concieving because of adhesions etc...anyway Good luck with the next one.... 

Mrs Chaos -  ...hello my lovely...hope you are ok,...im thinking of you remember if you want a chat you know where I am...xxxxxx 

Lainey - Lou - Loads a hugs coming yr way.....dont worry...Ive got smelly feet too thats probably what the smell is in the pit...... ......xxxxxlove ya..... 

Just wanted to say hello to the gang and promise will try and post more often in future....xxxxx 

Love and luck.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxGab


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## faithfullyhoping

Just typed a really long message and lost it again  . Think my broadband connection is on a go slow, if this posts I might try typing it again!!!

faithful


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## faithfullyhoping

Lost it again, I give up


----------



## Wendeth

No, the smell in the pit is my lovely ginger hair....    I've been blond and purple before but just ginger now. Sorry everyone...  

Love to all x


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## lainey-lou

balls

I'm drunk.

oh

L x


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey -

    

How funny are you?

Fair play for being drunk.... you go for it!
Not sure how youll be feeling this morning though. Isnt it hard to type when you're drunk too?  
I tried it on holiday and it was so funny.. plus some of the keys are different there so i was really stumped.

Hope your head isnt too bad honey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi guys,

Just a quickie this morning as ds is pestering to go on CITV website!!!!!  Have spent ages reading everyone's posts.  I just want to tell you all how proud I am of all of us.  We go through so much but still support each other and think about other people's feelings.  I know very few other people who are so brave and so selfless. This FF journey is so mis understood.  I think Cinders you should get writing that book!

I have to say this flipping pit is getting a bit overcrowded!!!  It's getting far too warm in here and I think the smell must be BO!!  Come on.... who is it? 

Susie - You are AMAZING.  How can you be so brave and even be bothered to worry about everyone else?  That counselling is a good idea.  It really helped me.  I really hope you feel you can open up to us if you need to tho.  You don't have to be strong for our sakes.  We want to be here for you like you have been for us.  I am really glad you got to see your little one hun.  It will mean a lot to you especially further down the line.  They wouldn't let me see mine (I think it was in too much of a mess) and it still hurts now.  I also think you're right not to show your ds.  The tree sounds like a really good idea.  I decided against it as I am not green fingered and knowing my luck I would have killed it off so decided a bracelet with a little star on it was a better idea!  Am also thinking of getting a little star tattooed on my ankle.. you can come with me if you like, if nothing else to laugh at me when I'm being a big wuss!!!!! Just know I am here for you anytime my love.

Cinders -  I love your pit analogy!!! It had me sniggering in amongst the tears!!!  You are great and have been such a good support.  Thank you for your texts this week!  As for the rollercoaster... you wait till you get to the loop the loops bit!!!  I've left trails of vomit everywhere!  Remember to buy one of those ponchos won't you?!!!!!!!!!  Sorry the appointment didn't answer many questions for you, but I'm relieved there were no hydros.  Let's do it this year, then drag everyone else with us!!!!

Missyb - You are one brave lady.  Have pmd you.  

Lainey - There was me thinking you were a good girl and here you are getting raging drunk!!!!!!!!!  Good for you!  So sorry about your news the other day.  Must have been very painful to hear, but I think in the long run it will help.  I wish I knew what mine had been.  You are being very brave at the moment.

Ang - Sorry I haven't mentioned you before hun.  You are such a special lady to have given so much and I'm sure you must be feeling Susie's pain.  Thinking of you.

Hello to everyone else... Wendeth, Nanook, Gab, Faithful, Mrs Chaos, Kateag and anyone else I've missed (sorry!).

As for me, well still down regging!!! Feel like I'm going for the world record!  Baseline scan is on Friday.  I was feeling more positive about the treatment, and have started to believe it could work but now I'm petrified if it does that I will end up like Susie, me and Lainey all over again.  That prospect puts the fear of god into me it really does!!!!  The headaches are still plaguing me (daily) but the injections are so easy now I can find my numb bits with ease!!!  Am looking forward to the scan because at least its a step forward at last!  It's been good being back at work cos I've been so busy the time has flown, although the delightful little soul in my class that thumped me the other week decided to kick and break a chair this week and another little lad, who I normally get on well with, threw a strop and in doing so flung his head back and hit me in the cheek!!! I think I am going to need to get my old riot gear out for next week!  What do you think?  If I turn up in a fire proof body suit, full helmet, utility belt with casco and CS gas?  Do you think they might respect me a little more if I did? 

I really hope this week is a better one for everyone.  Love to you all!

Pand


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!

there is so much to catch up with that i dont know where to start. your posts have made me laugh and cry. im so lucky to have found this site and the amazing women in this pit (the secondary thread).

pand... thank you so much darling for the pm. you have such a way with words. me brave? doing the job that you do would make me soil my bridgets! how long have you been d/ring for? so after the baseline scan what is next? although it is a cheesy expression with this whole IF thing we have to feel the fear and do it anyway im afraid. you know that your fellow inmates (is that what we are?? ) are here for you every step of the way..

hi cinders... again you are another one who has such a way with words.. you are going to do so well on this course i can see it now.. do you need an agent?? your analogy described to a tee how it all feels. when someone gets a bfp on here i have to admit im not jealous as i know what that person has been through to get there.. i hope and i pray that they have a healthy and happy pregnancy and i feel devastated for them when they are back in the pit with us with the added weight of a loss and all of the what if's that go with it..i wonder when and if my turn will come.. will i be the last one in the pit with no company and by the looks of it my bloody candle is going to burn out and i will be in the dark on my own singing show me the way to go home.. anyway, im getting carried away again!!

hi suzy.. how are you today? how long do you have to wait for the results of the testing? i think dh is right it will help you to find out what was the problem.. you sound so positive evan after all that has gone on. i admire you so much suzy, you have given me some perspective on things. i know it is early days but when do you think you will start again? do you want my mobi? if you need to chat it's always on (even at wk when it shouldnt be lol!) 

hi lainey!! how is the head today lol xx i really enjoyed chatting to you the other day.. you are soooo lovely. i didnt want to embarass you but thank you so much for the flowers.. they are still going strong. i really hope we can all arrange a meet..it would be fab to meet my lovely ladies. how are you feeling about work etc?? i will be thinking of you wed. xx


----------



## missyb

i cut off part way through as i had visions of losing my post and then stamping on dp's laptop after having an acute onset of tourettes!!

now where was i...

hi ange how are you honey?

hi gayn... how are you? it would be good to have a catch up. how is dh??

hi cinders (part 2) i forgot to say about your endo... i really hope that what you've had done makes a difference and that you get the bfp you so deserve... where to from here hun??

hi nanook... how are you sweety?? how are things with dh? what did you decide about the job?? im having wobbles about starting mine.. im sure i'll be ok.

hi wendeth, honeyprincess, dizzylou(where are you lol) kateag (shopping queen.. when are we meeting up for our mortgage coffee!), hi gabs (did you follow things up with the hosp??) and anyone else ive forgotten.

as for me im feeling a bit stronger each day though i do have periods of time where i feel really sad. i cant afford to dwell as im worried about getting depressed. ive never lost anyone really close to me before and it's a hard learning curve. im not sure what are normal feelings and what i should be worried about.. i dont think me and dp will be trying this month as in just over 2 weeks i will be going for my lap n dye. how long do i have to leave it before i start trying again?? im about do drag my butt down to the gym.. as i said on the 2ww thread dp makes me laugh as he thinks im going to meet some hunky bloke... i look so awful when i go to the gym.. no make up, hair scraped back croydon facelift style, t-shirts so big that my sex is indeterminable, and i look like a care in the community patient singing loudly with dp's mp3 player wondering why noone is singing along with me!! noone goes NEAR me at the gym lol!! i wonder why


anyway ladies im going to go now as ive taken up far too much space already.

i love you all.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Afternoon all,

Hows the head Lainey?!   

Think we are in awe of how lovely and ab fab we all are at the moment! Having a bit of a 'love in' in our pit!!!!

Thankyou for your kind words,  

Love you! (Is that too ott?!)  

Cindersxxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

I have recieved an acknowledgement from the hosp for our complaint..so will wait and see..
wow Missyb you having a lap n dye sweetie just after me...not sure about the trying but remember the 6-9 months conception window.... 

Lainey you sober yet....?  

....for our Suszy....

Hi to all.....lots of love.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girlies. 

How is everyone today? 

Amanda it's great to hear from you hun, guess what? I've not bought anything this week   You sound like you are doing really well, and coping like any normal person would, you are a very strong lady and I really hope you get some good news this year. You deserve it. xxxx (mortgage coffee soon my hunny!!!)

Lainey, hows the head? I got absolutley, disgustingly drunk on friday night, it was my niece's 18th and my sister had a party for her. Deary me. I think I will never ever drink again. I started off on the rose wine, 2 bottles, then got moved to white (don't like white, don't know why!?) so 5 bottles in total. I was paying for it yesterday.  

Suzy, how are you doing darling? I'm sure having some normality is helping right now. I hope you are all ok, Angie as well. xxxx

Gabrielle, hope the hospital get back to you soon. Good luck for the lap and dye. xxx

Cinders!! Awwww Love you too  

Pand, hope the d/r is going ok, is there a reason you have to go for so long? Good luck for friday, not long to go then!! Fingers crossed you will be stimming by the weekend! The B.O isn't me, promise! I've just had a shower!!!

Hi to everyone else I've missed!  

Dh is working today so Boo and I are having a lazy day! 

xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi everyone

Just to say I'm reading everybody's messages but I can't write more than about 3 lines without losing the post for some reason. I've lost 3 or 4 in the last week.   But just thought I'd let you know I am still here!!!

Faithful
xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone  

Couldn't post yesterday as was nursing a severe hangover.  Didn't get out of bed until 4pm!!!

Friday I went out for BF's birthday.  We had two bottles of red with dinner and felt fairly intoxicated after that but then decided to go to a bar and a nightclub.  I lost count of how many vodkas I had, more than 10 I think.  I have no memory of large parts of the night.  I vaguely remember talking to some bloke who told me he really liked me and gave me his number when he left, I don't remember what he looked like or what we talked about.

Then proceeded to have a row with the bouncers because my BF's coat had been stolen from the cloakroom (classy!), they virtually threw us out on the street  

I think I am having a mid-life crisis.

Love to everyone.

Lainey x

PS Who's let one go?  It wasn't me.  Missy - you'd better put that candle out or we might all explode.


----------



## *Lollipop*

Poooo........who was that....

Evening girlies...hope everyone is ok....Lainey how many you party dudette...... ...love ya..xxxx


----------



## missyb

evening all!

ive had a good giggle at the posts on here!! we are a lovely and very mad bunch.

lainey... hun you sound like a girl after my own heart lol! my best friend paul is gay and dp says that when we go out together and have a drink we are larey!! i dont know what he means.. though i do have a men at work road sign and a bollard.. all from one night out!! i will put the candle out as i dont want any explosions in the pit especially as we are feeling the love at the moment!!

hi gabs how are you doing?? glad you got an acknowledgement fromt he hosp.. let me know how it all goes. i think they have to respond within 28 days to your complaint so hopefully you'll get some answers soon. if not you may need to send your ff girls around to kick ass!! btw i know im probably being really stupid but i dont get what you mean about the 6-9 mth conception window  sorry please help!!

hi pand.. loving you hun.. going to read your diary in a tick.

hi kateag... how are you doing.. are you ill?? no shopping (please aliens who have kidnapped kate please bring her back as the shops are reporting major losses!!) mortgage coffee sounds fab.. im off soon for 2 weeks annual leave before i start my new job.

hi suzy.. how are you sweetie? you, dh and ange are always in my thoughts. xx

hi honeyprincess... thank you so much for the lovely texts.. hope you are well sweetie. you are an amazing person and cant wait to have you back in the pit!


im back to work tomorrow which im dreading! ive been to my dads today and came away feeling really sad.

anyway my lovlies.


take care

amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

apparantly after a lap..my gynae cons told me you have a higher chance of falling pg in the next 6-9 months after the op.....provided ofcourse that you have had corrective surgery or it was just an investigation so get ready Mrs.....8 days to go.....aaaaaaaarrggggghhhhh....

Nite all....xxx


----------



## cinders35

lainey-lou said:


> PS Who's let one go? It wasn't me. Missy - you'd better put that candle out or we might all explode.


Wasn't me....


----------



## lainey-lou

Pand - you been eating sprouts again?  

Budge up Cinders, I've had to move over this side, it's less smelly.  Stop nicking all the covers.  Hmmm, that's better.

Night night x


----------



## drownedgirl

I just wanted to pop in and say hi and a big hug to those who are having a hard time at the moment.

Things are fine with us, twins are one boy and one girl and DS is so excited.. so is Hobbesy's DS too.

I'm 26 weeks and last week I was measuring 33, so I'm a bit like a little whale already. I have had terrible heartbirn since week 11 and sickness and aversion to food, really struggling to eat much. :-(

I hope 2008 brings happiness to you all.

xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All
Just popping in and trying to post. 
Drownedgirl - you have my full sympathy re sickness, i was sick with my dd for entire 9 months! Why do I want to do that again?!!
Pand - Scan this week isn't it, hope all goes well.

Faithful xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ps had argument with dh at weekend over not being able to go skiing because of treatment, if we'd started before Christmas like i'd wanted to then we'd have been able to go. Also he says I'm unhealthily obsessed with getting pregnant! Am in total agreement, but not sure what he wants me to do about it! Anyone elses dh totally insensitive like mine?!!!

Faithful x


----------



## samblue

Hi girls, 
so much has gone on! sorry i haven't been here again, huge hugs and tears for your losses (life does actually suck, i'v decided)

Just a quick catch-up coz i'm thinking bout babies for a change (that old 'making like an ostrich' trick works quite well) and i'v been off sick from work for a week wiv hideous flu, not happy bunny!

Can nasty flu and sittin on ur butt for a week delay the WW? I'm usually on a 19/20/24/26 day cycle (i know, not particularly helpful!), it's now day 28 and i don't think she's even lurking.  I expect i'm imagining things, don't wanna rush out to buy a test, but DH has recently got shingles so this would have serious implications i think.  The way my luck has gone over the past 10 years, sods law would make me pg now!

I'm prob just going slightly mad, and WW will turn up later, laughing at my cr*p counting of dates.
Sending you all a huge hug and lots of love and hope for 2008,

in the words of Dorey 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming....'
luv sam xxx


----------



## nanook

Hiya
ds has just come home crying cos some girls were being nasty to him at school, and when I asked him what he did he said nothing, cos one of them has a big brother!  so - am feeling all guilty again as ds has no sibling and is feeling lonely and sad...........  he's playing with the kitten at the mo so has cheered up a bit but I still have the guilt thingy going on!  

Worst thing is he's gonna be 7 this year so even if I did fall pregnant it would be no playmate for him anyway!

Why is life like this??  thought Id started getting my head around it again and am certainly in no situation with dh to be pregnant really but still want one......... 

To top it off my sis in law has just announced she's pregnant...  is 4 months gone and its her 4th - the last one being just 1....  annoys me cos I dont mean to sound nasty or *****y but its her 4th, she and partner are living in a two bed council flat on benefits and hate each other most of the time - argue, fight, police called etc (you know the type), and yet here she is, still smoking, drinking (and christ knows what else) as she has done throughout her pregnancy with all of them and has been granted another child!  

If there is a god Im thinking its def a man cos he must be some sort of a flippin *****ole!

laters..


----------



## nanook

p.s - witch still not here so sorry for being a total misery - seem to spend half my life with pmt?!?


----------



## Jo1983

Hi there everyone!

I'm really sorry that I haven't posted for weeks now. I was trying to put things to the back of mind as have not long started out on this emotional journey.  

I hope that everyone had a lovely Christmas and wish you all a very Happy New Year  

It's so lovely to read about success stories and in a way gives me hope that things may start to look up in the future! Also, I wish everyone on here all the luck in the world and hope that you all have your own success stories very soon.

Anyhow..... I had a lap and dye on Friday and it showed that both my tubes are blocked and I have extensive scar tissue covering my uterus, bladder and tubes.

Have 2 options ....ivf, or surgery to try and remove the scar tissue leaving a 20-30% chance of conceiving naturally.

My next appointment with consultant isn't for nearly 3 months and I really just want to get started one way or the other.

Not really sure what to do at the minute or what to think....I just wish that I could think straight. Also if one more person says " Well at least you know now " I'm going to explode!

Thanks for reading my rant and if any of you guys are going or have been through the same it would be lovely to hear from you  

I'll be back to post again very soon this time as I have realised that denial is not the way forward!

Love to all
Jo
xxx


----------



## nanook

Jo

Thats exactly what I was told the Dec before last!  but then, I insisted on another lap in June and was told both tubes are now clear....  I know exactly how you feel, I spend 6 months of last year trying top come to terms with the fact Ill have no kids and losing the plot a little (more)(cant afford IVF) and now have been told I can have kids but its unexplained why I cant conceive...?!??................  

Its so hard isnt it??  My advice is demand a laporoscopy - the lap and dye I had a few years back showed I had a tube blocked - I had a further one that showed no probs!!!...  either my body changes dramatically every couple of months or 'they' havent got a clue what the heck they're talking about!

Just going up to read and put ds to bed but Ill be back later if you want to talk hun. x


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Nanook,

Thanks for replying, I've just finished helping ds with his homework and tucked him into bed.

I can't believe they told you your tubes were blocked and they're not! That's awful! Which hospital are you at?
We can't afford ivf either I'm not sure wether or not I want to do egg donoring though as that brings the price down considerably doesn't it.

How are things going for you at the minute? good I hope  

Jo xxx


----------



## cinders35

Oh my goodness, so busy!!!

DG, great to hear from you & to know all is well, apart from heartburn obviously!!! We need to hear some positive outcomes on hear at the moment, if you have read some of our recent posts, you will understand that you are at the top of the pit, looking down. Do you reckon you could pull one of us up?!  

Stop standing on me Lainey   !!

Hi Faithful, you getting obsessed with having a baby?!! Silly ole you   ! None of us are like that, in the slightest!!!   
Tell dh it is a bit like a train coming, you can see it from miles away, but you are powerless to stop it!!!
I would pay a small fortune to anyone who could help me to stop worrying about IF/babies, but they haven't found a cure for it yet. Unfortunately, the longer it goes on, the worse I get!! But there has to be an end to it in the not to distant future, either by having a baby!!! Yeahhhh!!! Or stop ttc!! Booooo!!!!!
Sorry dh is insensitive, they just deal with things differently. I don't know how to "fix" that situation! But hope you make up soon.  

Hey Samblue, welcome back sweety. I am hoping that Santa has left you a little something!!! ( Dirty bu**ar!!!)
Hope your lurgy gets better soon  

Oh Nanook    . They are so very precious, and we have to send them out without their cotton wool. I hate that! The guilt thing is terrible, I feel it too! Y'know, one day dd was upset about not having a brother/sister, so I tried to ease things by saying maybe one day we'll be lucky and have a baby. Please please please...............But she said she wanted an OLDER brother/sister!! How am I gonna do THAT!!!!?
I have PMT too!!!    

Hi Jo, 
Sorry to hear about your tubes. Not in quite the same situation as my left one seems to be open. That's quite a tough decision to make. Is it endo you've got? The girls on the endo board, also hydrosalpinx board might have some words of wisdom for you? Though I have recently found out that blocked tube can be just that, not a hydrosalpinx, so don't go panicking!!! But I think I may have read some things about tubal operations. 
Good luck with working that one out.   

Haven't checked the diaries for a few days, but...

Suszy, you are very quiet. Which is understandable and perfectly ok!! But if you have reached a bit of a dip, then we are here to help pull you out. Hope you get the counselling soon.       

Pand, you must be the D/R queen!!!! Hope scan goes well!!! Stimming soon, come on follies!!!!!  

Missyb, hope you have got through first day back ok? You are so brave. We really care...   

That's enough for me, sorry to dash but gotta go & write my book!!!   

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Hi Jo, nice to meet you! I also had a similar experience to Nanook - had a standard HSG test in Oxford 5 years ago to rule out blocked tubes (as I already had DS we certainly didn't expect anything abnormal) but the test, which was incredibly painful, showed both my tubes were completely blocked, probably with scarring.  This threw us completely as we were hoping to try IUI but were advised straight away to consider IVF at the Oxford Clinic.  
This also threw up all sorts of questions as to how DS was conceived (a 'miracle baby' the Clinic started calling him) and where the scarring came from, and this set DH asking questions about whether i'd ever had an STD before we'd met   (none, actually      ).  I felt awful.  After we'd spent ££££s on 1 failed IVF, Chinese medicine/acupuncture (£200 per week for months!) and then told our next IVF would only have a 1% chance of working due to my poor response to GonalF, we then embarked on micro tubal surgery at Hammersmith with Mr Trew, which, as you say, gives a 30%-ish chance of a success pregnancy, starting with an exploratory lapaoscopy, Amazingly enough, I was told my tubes were so NOT blocked, with NO scarring at all and perfect ovaries... but by then, over 2 years down the line and me nearly 40, it was too late for me due to my own rapidly declining fertility, as luck would have it, and we gave up... until a few months ago, and all is not lost thanks for a wonderful donor with egg share...      .  Anyway, hope you find some answers. sorry for the ramble.

Cinders my DS has been asking for a brother or sister for as long as he could talk.  It's heartbreaking. I don't dare tell him about this tx right now, I don't want to raise his hopes then dash them again.  He's already feeling very unsettled by our impending move which we've brought forward by 2 weeks.  We've decided to move house on my 2WW! We decided it would actually be less stressful being settled down in Dorset than still here and worrying about it all.  So, my scan this Thursday, DE FET on Tues, move on Sun 27th! that's the plan anyway, could all go horribly wrong.  

Have been on FF for 3 hours now, so forgive me, no more personals, as I desperately need to sleep... love Wendeth x


----------



## nanook

Hi guys

Sorry its a bit late really, dh (or 'happy' as I have him logged in my phone) has been farting about with the laptop and has only just gone in the other room to play his PS3 (which he instantly had a go at me about because ds hadnt put one of the games in the cases!!!!) - this, coming from the untidiest person on the planet! God I could smash something heavy over his miserable head right now and then laugh at the injurys!

Jo, well, I am still not pregnant and the old witch has become totally irregular again after being stable for around 3 years so god only knows whats happening there! Am sopposed to go for an appointment on 22nd but Ive emailed the hospital and basically asked if there is any point?  All the hassle to just sit there and say 'no, we cant afford IVF, I dont want to to egg share (it kinda freaks me out a bit) and no, Im not pregnant...  ).  Just to be told to make another appointment in 6 months.  Great - may as well stay at home really.

With regards to the egg share thing apparently its not always straight forward and you can end up paying nearly as much as IVF for all the tests etc that need doing, so if you do go for it I was advised to check out costs etc over different hospitals first.  It just freaks me out - but thats a personal thing... a lot of people on here have done it and would reccommend it and all people concerned are more than happy..  There is an egg sharing board so Id have a look at that.

As for them saying my tubes are now clear I have serious doubts wether they were blocked in the first place.  I was told the scarring was so bad there was no point trying to clear it etc - then when I said no to IVF (after a 'casual' talk about my husbands work and our financial situation) and insisted on a further laporoscopy, not only did half my notes 'go missing', but after the op I was sent home with no-one even having the balls to tell me the outcome of my op...  I had to go through complaint after complaint to the hospital before I even found out what was going on!  Of course I cant prove anything but it stank of someone trying to drum up business for IVF and has kinda left me with little faith in my individual consultant/hospital and wondering how many other couples have been ripped off in this way!?!  but hey, maybe Im just paraniod.......?!?

I just read this through and I am such a misery at the mo arent I??  ha ha need the old witch to come and then Ill feel better im sure!!

Sending hugs to you all .... xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi All

Nanook   sorry you are having such a rough time.  Things between you and dh don't sound any better, is talking about things not an option?  It's bad enough suffering IF without having problems with your partner to deal with too.  I hope you can sort things out.  You don't really think he is having an affair do you?

Wendeth - good luck with the FET       Are you feeling positive about it?

Jo - Hi, I don't think we have spoken before, welcome.  I don't think hospitals/doctors know what the hell is going on with me either, you seem to get a different opinion depending on where you go.  It is so frustrating.

DG - good to hear from you. Sorry to hear you are suffering.  You must be so excited, one of each, how lovely.

Pand - how are you sweetie.  I hope you are coping ok.  I am thinking of you.  

Susie - we haven't heard from you for a while, are you ok?  I am sure you are having good and bad days.  We are all thinking of you and I hope dh and ds are looking after you.    

Missyb - love to you too.  How are you doing?  Glad to be back at work?  

Cinders - stop pulling my hair, I was here first!  Ouch!  Get out of my way  

Hi to Kate, chimer, MrsChaos, kelway, samblue, dizzy and anyone else I have missed.

As for me, I am afraid I have wandered off down our pit and seem to have found a pot hole to crawl into.  It is dark, damp and lonely in here and I fear I am lost  

I am feeling very bad at the moment, finding it hard to get to sleep at nights and feeling a bit anxious during the days (and tired).  Just don't know where to go next, don't have any faith in my body or eggs and, after Susie's m/c, feel DE is not the miracle "cure" for IF I once thought it was.  I just don't know how much more disappointment I can stand.  Totally feel like giving up, I have never felt this despondent before and really don't think I can go on.

Have even felt tempted to ring that guy I met the other night, I know, crazy!  It isn't that I don't love my dh, it's just that the idea of a bit of escapism and attention from someone else would be lovely.  I look at my sad and pointless little life and long for some excitement and fun again.  Does this make any sense?  I won't ring him of course because I am far to sensible (I am an accountant after all!) but the dream is nice.  Wouldn't you love to be flattered and showered with gifts and cuddles and feel that nervous excitement in your stomach that you get when you meet someone new?  AND, imagine, having sex because you want to and because you fancy someone.  Our sex life is virtually non existent at the moment and the thought of ripping someone's clothes off in the throngs of passion is very appealing.  Am I alone in feeling like this?  Probably.  I told you I was having a mid-life crisis.

I'm feeling a bit beyond help at the moment.  This black mood seems to have crept up on me very slowly and quietly and now I feel terrible.  I have been drinking way too much (as Friday proves) and feel I have been burying my head in the sand for some time now.  Just don't know what to do about it.  

Hope you are all coping better than me.

Lainey


----------



## missyb

awww lainey honey.. ive sent you a text as i think that knowing my luck on the laptop i will write a long post and lose it. it is very dark in the pit but we are all here with you hun. you have been so good to me and have helped me through a very bleak period. you know im here if you need to talk. i wont judge as i have made some premier league   ups in my time.

amanda xx


----------



## samblue

Awww, lainey, u poor darling! 
if it's any help then i know exactly how you are feeling.  
The other man thing feels tempting at the moment, but it's just gonna add to your problems, believe me i know!  
At the start of last year when we were at the beginnings of our investigations, I got close to someone (not that close!!) and i felt good for a while.  It was as tho i had split myself into several different people, the mum 2 DD, wife to dh, the 'hospital me' and the scarlet-ish woman-me.  I found myself switching between these identities as the need arose, some sort of coping mechanism i guess. 
I got close to this friend but then common sense prevailed and he said we shouldn't spend anymore time together.  (i'll admit that i didnt make the decision, he did) I was philosophical at first, but still miss him and realize that although no serious damage was done, it could've been, and to a certain extent, some has been done because i never thought i would even think about another man apart from my darling dh.  Part of me feels a bit guilty, but the scary part is, i don't feel that guilty. Which i'm sure, logically and morally, is wrong. 
I wouldn't advise anyone to go down that route, you may feel good at the time, but the after-effects can be worse and leave you doubting your sanity!  
Me & dh still haven't decided what we're going to do ref treatment, we havent even discussed it since our last appointment (head in sand trick), I think we're just floating along and will wait and see.
I agree with you about the mid-life crisis, I've dyed my hair and had tattoos!!!  There, see, it could be worse!
Keep your chin up hun, try and focus on something that you enjoy (diff i know, when you're feeling that bad) or just try to relax and get through it, it will get better, it may never be fixed but chances are, it will change!!
I'm mildly optimistic bout this year, trying to focus on good things, its hard sometimes, but hey, life's too short.
loadsa luv sam xxx


----------



## cinders35

Oh Lainey,

It's sometimes too much to bare. Your post makes complete sense to me. Once again I could have written it myself!
Though probably a month or so ago.
I have even googled my ex boyfriend!!!! How sad is that?   Didn't find him. Good job, probably....
When I started seeing dp, was seeing ex too, not for long!!! About 2 weeks, and had to decide between the two. It was so difficult. The ex I had been to school with! He made me feel so special, and was very lovey dovey. Said we would make lovely babies, prob have twins....so funny looking back!!! At the time, and yes I could kick myself, I wasn't really into babies!!!   I was only 20!!!! Dp was into travelling, and we were in similar profession, I could see more of a future with him, and so I chose him. Our relationship has never been plain sailing, and whenever we reach one of our many rocky patches I always think about my ex!!
Also he was great in the bedroom department if you know what I mean    
Who knows how different life would have been...and sometimes I need that fantasy as a way of escaping this nightmare!!
Was discussing with a friend the other day, how even though she is happy in her marriage, she regularly fantasises about their odd job man, who is almost old enough to be her Dad!!! She says she is happy in her marriage!!!! Seriously, I think she is!
Maybe we are reaching the bored housewife stage, or possibly the divorce stage of our lives!!!!! Only joking ok!!!
It's ok to think things, but to act on these things now, when we are in this vulnerable situation, would just open us up for even more pain and anguish which we could well do without I'm sure!! But allow yourself to think about it Lainey, and be proud that you've "still got it going on girl!!" I'm suitably impressed!!!! Never was any good at "pulling" myself!
Lainey you may feel sad at the moment, but your life is not sad and pointless.
At some point some of us may be faced with the decision to stop ttc, and when the time is right we will make that difficult decision. But right now you need to get over the past few traumatic months, you need to allow yourself to be miserable for a while. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, even if you think there are others who are worse off than you. Which knowing you, you do! Your feelings count too, and they are very important.
Think will post before I loose.... 
You need to get through this before you can decide about what to do next.
Also you don't have all the information yet, you need to get the results of those recent tests and sit down with consultant again to discuss what next.
I think (correct me if I'm wrong) your choices are:
1. Ttc naturally. (A passion killer if ever there was one, I'm with you there!!!  )
2. IVF (own eggs)
3. IVF (donor eggs)
4. Stop ttc (  )
These are major decisions for you to make, you, dh and consultant. Unfortunately we can't make them for you, nor would you want us too!!! But we are more than willing to thrash out pros and cons, or just listen.
I'll stop pulling your hair for a bit then, just till you feel better  .  

Gotta make a move as going to get dd from school, then we have swimming.

Pand                                      
Hope those orrible headaches go soon!!!

Suszy, would love to hear from you. However you are feeling    

Samblue, where are your tatoos??  

Missyb, hope you are ok? How is the c diff?!! Don't give it to me! Go and wash your hands again or you can't sit next to me down here!!

Nanook, sorry you are feeling so bad about appointment and all.  

Ohhhhhhhh  it just PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

As for me got RAGING PMT!!!!
Had an argument with dd this a.m and burst out crying!!!! Who is the 5yr old?

Love to everyone I have missed. Sorry about that, run out of time!

Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## missyb

cinders you are soooo right!!(btw i have washed my hands.. i am convinced that if i commited a major crime i would have no finger prints left!) i think we all have mini life crises. i had a major one at 29.. married to a compulsive gambler who i realised i totally no longer loved, started college and realised there was more out of there than being dd's mum, and wife. my mid-life crisis had some huge ramifications but i came out stronger for it all. i wouldnt recommend the 'other man' solution though i soooo know what is meant about the excitement of a new relationship.. (and escapism!) passion (omg i remember when me and dp started off it was 5 or 6 times a nite/day/afternoon/cinema   now im lucky if i get some loving once or twice a week!) you are not beyond help lainey.. none of us are.. you have just lost your way.

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

5 or 6 times a day/night!!!!!!!!
Omg, I haven't lived......


----------



## lainey-lou

I was shocked by the once or twice a week now.  Blimey, I am virtually celebate


----------



## missyb

lmao!!! i used to go to work and do a 13 hr shift just for some rest!!! 

xx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Lainey, I just read your post and you are feeling exactly the same as me....  I tend to constantly fantasise about other people just for a bit of attention, excitememt etc...  yea wouldnt it be great to have sex cos you actually fancy the pants off the person again and get all the butterflies etc...  If Im honest im so bored I actually think Id do it (I have come close before and dont even feel guilty!) - I kind of think that if thats how I feel then surely it means I shouldnt be in this marraige at all!!??  The thought of never feeling that 'feeling' again in my life fills me with total dread, to be honest!

Surprised the amount of you who feel the same, as I really was just thinking it was me??!!?  Maybe I am having a mid life crisis early too....?!?

Missy me and dh were the same - now I dont want it at all particulary with him, and certainly no intimicy particularly.......  although I could easily rip the clothes off someone else, so I know its not my labido!


----------



## cinders35

Saw 1 week old baby girl today. Girl at work had IVF for her (sperm problem), concieved 1st try!
I went quickly to coo, and gushed over her, because if I'd have held back. I wouldn't have been able to go over. I knew I HAD to, because she is lovely person, and deserves it. She has son 7, concieved naturally. 
I want it so bad. So very very bad. 
Luckily I had to go and take a patient within about 2 mins, so could extract myself from the situation quickly and easily. It left me feeling very sad.
Was cheered up immensely by harmless flirting with dishy doc! He is my George Cloony!!! 
Then was brought down to earth with a bump when af arrived 4 days early. Grrreat.
Cheered myself up by spending whole time driving home fantasising about my "George." Trouble is I bet he has drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, fertile wife at home! What would he want with pale, washed out, slightly spotty barren me??!!!
I look like c**p. I know it's bad for you, but could do with some serious rays. Might have to get the santropez out!!!
Nanook, things do sound pretty serious with regard to having an affair!!! So is the lucky guy in the picture at the mo?

Love to EVERYONE!!!!

Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Well, not really and I know its not the  best route to go on... I have ds to think of and how it would affect him so its not likely to happen...  you never know though hehe.....  best to srt things out here first hey! ? !


----------



## Pand

OMG!!!!

5/6 times a day.... 2 to 3 times a week?!!!! I haven't managed that since I was a teenager!!!!  Am I abnormal?  I love my dh to bits, and still fancy him, but quite honestly, after 2 years ttc, I would rather have a nice glass of wine and a large bar of chocolate at the moment!!!!  Whilst IVF is no picnic, I'm quite glad of the rest!

Cinders - for all your joking and I SOOOOOOOO fancy George Clooney (we obviously have excellent taste in men) I know seeing that little baby must have made your heart ache.  It does mine every time I see my best mate and her little 4 month old.  I know exactly what you mean when you say you want it soooo bad.  I'm there with you hun.  It's got to work out for us sometime hasnt' it?

Only a quickie tonight girlies!!! Just to let you all know... I HAVEN'T HAD A HEADACHE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HURRAH!!!! I actually feel relatively normal and even, god forbid, slightly positive!  Bring on the stimming!

Love to everyone, especially missyb, susie and lainey... you are all an inspiration!

Lots of love

Pand

P.S.  Who has been dribbling on my pillow?  I know we have to share this space, but stick to your own side!


----------



## missyb

eveing ladies!!

nanook hun... i can sooo relate to how you feel.. with my ex h i felt exactly the same... im ashamed to say i acted on it for a bit of escapism which was disastrous!! we lasted for another 2 years and even though i'd never done anything wrong before and he had gambled, and treated me like poo (which looking back i allowed myself to be treated like that... hey hindsight is such a great thing!) he treated me even worse afterwards!!
if there is no way back for you hun then i'd get out... hope i havent offended you by saying that. luv yu xx

cinders hun!! you never fail to make me laugh... which hospital do you work at lol!!! george clooney eh? we have no eye candy at work... more like george thornby at our hospital!! it must've been hard for you hun   well done

hi pand.. glad you are feeling normal hun   what is stimming? and how long do you have to stimm 4?? im greedy and i'd have the wine, choc and the   ( think it was me dribbling on the pillow as i have been to body jam today and im knackered!!)

hi suzy how are you.. i read your diary and i am thinking of you, dh, ds and ange..

hi lainey.. how are you hun love u big much!! (as dd used to say)

hi to gabs, kateag, honeyprincess,gayn, dizzy and anyone else ive missed.

well i have some news... (not the news id love to be saying!!) but i got a call from the hospital saying that they cant do my lap n dye on the 28th as the person who is doing it wont be there but they have created a list for this saturday omg!!!!!!

so now im really nervous but im glad it's going to be over and done with really soon!


love to all


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

are you sure it's dribble?


----------



## missyb

oops sorry it might be upduck!!!


----------



## nanook

Hi Missy

No worries - you havent offended me and Im afraid to say you are more than likely right.  Im quite insecure - have been with him for ten years and some before that (we split for a bit) and the thought of venturing out alone fills me with dread...  plus I dont want to split ds family up (although even he has started referring to dh as 'happy'....  just when I think of leaving he makes me think its ok really and I stay ......  I think It could be a lot worse and maybe its just me being an idiot and I should be gratefull I have a family and a husband who loves me....  but then theres the thing that I just dont feel 'in love' and would happily live on my own (in my mind) and see who I want etc, but maybe thats just a fantasy world and the reality would be hard, lonely and sad....   God its just so hard isnt it And maybe its all this ttc stuff thats the problem (although that seems to be 'my' problem cos its only me who seems bothered.

God there I go again on about my bloody relationship - you lot must be bored of reading about it!!  Sorry!  

Love to all x


----------



## missyb

aw hun... it depends on how bad things really are for you. having been in a bad relationship (me and h were together for 12 years) i was relieved.. although i was very lonely at times and worried about the girls and how i'd manage financially, it was the best move i ever made. now im happy. i have to admit though the whole dating thing is daunting and i was a bit like a kid in a sweet shop at first!! i'll have to tell you some time about some of the disastrous dates... ie the incontinent alcoholic and my cross dressing mel gibson lookalike!! thats another post entirely!!


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Thanks for your advice - I hope you dont mind if I ask you for advice in the future, as I feel Im gonna need it .........

The incontinent alcholholic (!) yuk!!  lol xxxx


----------



## missyb

any time hun.. having been there i know what you are going thru... yes yuk with the incontinent alcoholic!!!

if you want my mobi pm me.


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Thanks babe I totally appreciate it - I dont know how to pm (Im a bit dense at times, lol) my email address is [email protected]  (should I have put that on here?!?) x


----------



## missyb

lol!! probably not hun xx thank you anyway, i will send you a pm.. in the righthand side of your screen it should say that you have 1 msg.. you can reply from this. lol x 


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
I am back, I was keeping up todate with your news over the weekend then the thought of doing one of my big posts overwhelmed me and I was too tired and i cannot promise one tonight but like to include everyone as you know.
Again I mainly want to thank you all for your kind and supportive words and thoughts it means so very much and I really could not have got through this without you.
I have been watching a bit of tv the last few nights, helping dh with some paper work and writing some thank you letters and tonight I went to a fertility support group that was held at Chester hospital and the only three of us that were there were from FF!
I am feeling ok and am a bit concerned at how ok I am feeling - is it because I am drinking wine and eating crisps and it feels normal!?
I think its because I am feeling optimistic about the frosties I really am especially if they can find out whats wrong with me as I am now thinking its my problem say with blood flow or these killer cells what ever they are called, anyway hopefully when we get the tests back we will learn more on the beanie and then I will have to undergo some.  Our appt has been brought forward amazingly so its now 4th Feb and not long to go, I have had so much support from you guys and even people I dont know are leaving comments and Pming me and it makes such a difference.  you lot have written so much the last week or so it was so hard to keep up.

Firstly Missby -     good luck for Sat - that has come so quickly all of a sudden but it will be great to get it done, thank you for all your support esp when you are still very much needing it yourself, I am thinking about you and sending you lots of love and healing.  You are one brave lady and so strong and we are all behind you every step of the way.

Lainey -    I am so sorry that you are feeling so down darling and cannot believe even feeling like that you texted me to see how I was, I am sure this is still a delayed reaction to what you went through and the fact that you cannot just get on with the next stage as you have to wait due to tests etc.  Please dont be put off DE because of what happened to me, it has worked for so many and it looks like it might be a problem with me which is terribly sad and a waste of  excellent embryos but nothing to do with it being DE  (I know I thought and hoped it would work but it was not mean to be this time for some reason!) I am trying to look forward to the future and think I am still in with a chance. I think we have all been there and know what you mean about it being tempting to get in touch with a bit of excitement and we are all right there with you, i remember a couple of Sept ago a few of us going out and I ended up sitting next to this guy chatting and flirting and he was so nice and it just felt so natural and comfortable to be there and I felt so safe - he had a girlfriend and I dont think I could ever be unfaithful to dh as his first wife was and i am extremley jealous person but of course its tempted and lovely to get a bit of attention. it makes one feel alive and we all seem to refer to that same excitement feeling and it is scary to think we will never have it.  Meant to say good on your for having such a good session the other night and I can just imagine the hang over from hell that you had, I have had some right stinkers in my past and it was the only good thing of not drinking over christmas that i woke up every morning with a clear head!

dg lovely to hear from you and hope you stop feeling sick soon - take care  

kateag -    hope you are doing ok

Faithful -    sorry dh giving you a hard time for foucusing on IF - i think us women are all the same we want to talk about it and research it and find out things and compare notes but they are not that interested and its frustrating but hopefully at least they will pay attention when they have to even in dhs case if it was in the car on the way down to the first appt!!!!!

nanook    - i am sorry things are still tough with you at home, it must be so hard and I know sometimes things have been bad with dh and I think what would it be like to be on my own and i could not do it esp with ds.  It was horrible after my first marriage break up and I hardly had any friends esp ones who wanted a single girl and its hard - you think it might be great but it does not necessairly turn out that way.  Think you made the right decision re job by the way.

Cinders sweetheart -    good luck with the writing and I think your comparason to a pit was amazing and so true - I told my mum about it  i really think you should write a book on us - you are so good.  hope things get better for you too.  Thought you were brave going straight over to the baby - well done girl - your Doc sounds nice!!! I am more of a Rob Lowe girl and he was on again last night in some film and he is so georgous!!!!  re googling an ex I got sent a message via FUnited on new years eve from a guy I met when i was 17 and we were pen pals for a few years and then we went out for a few years, I did not treat him that well as he was mad about me - anyway we have been exchanging emails nearly every day and its been really nice to be back in touch with him and has brought a bit of excitement and distraction into my life just when I need it.  Its been lovely talking about old times and stuff we used to do and makes me feel young again!!! I told him all about my fertilty issues - he has four kids!!! but is in a bit of a pickle as is leaving them and his wife and lovely house by the river as he did not feel he truly loved his wife and thre wre other issues so he moved on his own and then fell in love with someone from work so is moving in with her.  Anyway its been fun having that - there is nothing in it re a relationship other than two old friends who shared a lot of growing up together getting back in touch and its been really nice. Often over the last four years I had tried to trace him sometimes as we used to talk about five years ago and its so nice just to chat.  you could always try FU for a nose, I have actually got back in touch with a couple of girls as well which is nice.  See we are all at it!  not told dh! although its on here now!

samblue -    lovely to hear from you and i hope you manage to sort out your being late etc and sorry to hear that you have been so ill

honeyprincess -    how are you sweetheart - please come back for a chat

jane -    lovely meeting you tonight - come and have a chat with us if you feel like it - we are all in the same boat

Dizzy -    its been a long time - hope you are going ok

Mrs Chaos -    hope things are improving for you too sweetheart - thinking of you

kelway and Chimer -    i hope you are doing ok

jo -    sorry about all your problems and hope they get sorted and the other girls have helped you which is great

emily caitlin -    hope you are ok sweetheart - thinking of you

Gab -    lovely to hear from you and glad you heard back from the hosp re your complaint and good luck for BMS over the next few weeks and months, its excellent news that it might really work after the op

wendeth -    hope you are ok - have posted on another thread to your acupuncture thing

pand -   so glad you did not get a headache today and so good luck for friday and hope you can start stimming, I think i down regged from 26 Sep til around beg of Nov and it went on for ever.  you are getting closer and glad you sound more optimistic and positive today.  Thank you so much for your kind words and support - it means the world.  I am with you about the 5/ 6 times a night (dont think I have EVER done that!) and twice a week does not happen that much i think this whole IF things puts you off and takes the passion out of it so you are not abnormal you are NORMAL Thinks its ironic that you have less sex (if any) doing IVF!!!!!!

Ang - my darling - not sure if you come on here that much but wanted to send you my love.

right girls going to get going now and will be back soon
thanks again as ever you all mean the world to me and your support has been invaluable and amazing and I would have gone under without you all.
Just remembered you were all talking about whether I should show ds or not of course i did not and not sure why I thought i would other than he has seen all the photos in the book with me,to be honest he has not asked a lot and when he saw some blood in the bin on tissues etc dh told him I had had a nose bleed.  At the weekend he did come for a cuddle and i said mind my tummy my boobs are ok but my tummy is a bit sore, he said oh poor baby and I said yes but its come out now and its ok, he said yes you have a rest and then we are going to use the other two eggs that we have and then get a dog!  We cuddled the teddy a lot over the weekend but he has only been cuddled at night recently.  he has taken it well and I know the first few nights i was glad that ds and dh wre spending so much time on the WII. Ds has spent a couple of nights with my mum and Dh has been doing a lot of paperwork as well as not getting home from work til midnight last night. anyway girls must go now
nite nite


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## samblue

Hi girls, just a quick one coz i'm worn-out, have got belly-ache which is/isnt a good sign.  Could be anything from 2 to 7 days late, but after being exposed, close-up, to shingles,and aware of the possible risks, I am hoping that WW is just late coz i've been poorly. (I hope that doesn't sound bad, I work with disabled children and love them all to bits, but i have seen how they can suffer)

Changing subject, isn't it bizarre how many of us girls have thought about doing/have actually done something with someone other than our dp/dh? I wonder why?  I worry that the idea wouldn't even cross minds if the relationship was totally happy? Probably naive (sp?) coz if/ttc does do very weird things to people and relationships.

Suszy, good to hear from you sweetheart, you get the only personal I'm afraid (i really must go to bed!), but I'm sending HUGE luv and hugs to all the rest of you, its good to know you're there and good to know that I'm not the only nutter on the planet who thinks this way!!!

Night night,
luv sam xxxxxx


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## missyb

afternoon ladies!

hi suzy! it's so fab to hear from you.. and what a mammoth post.. i have sent you a pm xx 

hi sam.. hmmm think you are right to a degree.. also think though sometimes that you can get into such a rut that a bit of excitement is soooo welcome! having said that it causes such heartache if you act on things.

hi nanook... how are you doing?? glad you got the hang of the pm thing!! lol xx

hi lainey... how is work going?? looking forward to your post to find out how it all went..

hi pand.. still feeling normal hun?? lol xx read your diary last night and felt v teary.. and v honored to know such a wonderful person xx

hi cinders... leave dr clooney alone!! how are you doing hun

hi to all of the other lovlies on this thread.


amanda xx


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## Jo1983

Hi there....

Right I'm really not sure where to start. I can't keep up with you guys   

I'm feeling bit better after my lap and dye last week. Still very sore but that seems to be getting better each day thank god!
Not really sure where my head is at though....wish I could make some decisions but I really have no idea what my options are and just wish my consultant would hurry up and send me my appointment through. 

My dh is no help.....he's "not ready to talk about things yet" sometimes I wish I could swap places with him so he could maybe start to understand how it feels for us ladies! Men have it sooooooo easy!

My brother and sister in law came over to visit today with my 12 week old niece Ellie-Mae. She was happily telling me stories about her labour experiences and baby clinics etc. I just wanted to scream at her, but I'm slowly learning that people in general think that we will conceive naturally (even though we've been told we can't!) it will just take a bit of time and that we need to bloody RELAX about things!  AARGGGHHH! 

Nanook:   Thanks for all your advice. Sorry to hear that you are having probs at home. Hope you can sort things sooner rather than later as I'm sure you have enough stress without worrying about your marriage too! Although the idea of a bit of excitement is tempting a lot of us by the sounds of it, I'm surprised at the amount of people that feel this way. I really feel for you .... are you going to your app on 22nd? I can see why you wouldn't. I don't really understand as I'm quite new at all of this but it does seem a little pointless to go through the same old things all of the time at every appointment. x

Cinders:   Again, thanks to you for your kind words. How are things with you? What's this about you writing a book? It's not endo as far as I know. I'd only been round from my anaesthetic for 20 mins when the consultant came and showed me pics of my insides....lovely! I'm waiting on my appointment at the mo. Then I can hopefully get a few more answers. As far as I'm aware it's scar tissue but where it's come from is anybody's guess! My tubes are blocked but I have no idea how or why. I'm a bit in limbo at the mo and it's sooooo frustrating as I have no idea what's happening.  My ds also has been asking me for an older brother to play with at school....it's heartbreaking as you want to be able to give your children all that they ask for....and this one is so difficult to explain to anyone let alone a 5 year year old. Take care x

Wendeth:   Don't apologise for your ramble....it's nice to meet people in the same situation. I can't believe the amount of people that have been led to believe that their tubes were blocked and then discover they're actually not at all! How are things going with your egg donor? If we decide to go for ivf rather than tubal surgery I will be donating eggs at Coventry. Would be lovely to hear things from your perspective... it may help me make a few decisions as I'm not sure which path to take as yet. Take care. x

Lainey lou:   Hope you are ok- hope to chat more to you x

To everyone else on here who I have missed:   I hope to get to know you all a bit better over the next few weeks, you all seem so lovely and full of wisdom. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Have to go as dh is moaning about me not cooking the dinner....bloody men ay!

Love Jo xxx


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## samblue

Evening all,

still no sign of WW, getting worried now.... 

luv to you all, sam xxxx


ps checked out shingles on nhs direct, doesn't seem to be much of a risk as i had chicken pox as a child so should have immunity, haven't actually caught shingles, managed to stay far enough away from dh to avoid it xx


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## SUSZY

Samblue - try not to worry too much sweetheart - it will be fine - when you say WW I keep thinking of Weighwatchers rather than Wicked Witch and dont forget the old af!!!!!!

Jo - glad you are recovering well and you will just have to come on here and talk to us if he wont listen and or do research on here.
I would have been quite interested I think to see my insides!?

Pand - good luck for tomorrow sweetheart - fingers crossed

missby - good luck for Saturday - try not to get too  nervous honey.


nanook love and cuddles to you   

lainey    

Cinders - you have got to write a book on us!

Love to everyone else.
take care my sweets
Susie


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## tuck

Hello to all

Not really been able to get on here since i introduced myself as my computer picked up a horrendous virus, winworm thing that wiped it out for a week, thought i'd lose hard drive but its back now.

Had stressful week or so at work,  we are undergoing redundancies and everyone had to apply for their own jobs, had 2 interviews this week.

I find it hard being new to keep up with things but i hope that those of you going through treatment at the mo get the results you so desire and deserve.  

samblue, when i was 6 weeks pg with my ds, i came into close contact for a few days with someone who had shingles.  I was scared being the worrier i am and went straight to the dr where i burst into tears.  they were not worried at all as i had said i had chicken pox as a child, there was no risk at all.  I did lots of research too and as i had immunity there would be nothing to worry about.  i hope af keeps away for you hun.

susie i hope you are doing as well as can be expected, good to see you posting again. and re. ww that is weight watchers i'm going to start up again on my own this time.  Was at the classes before but got pregnant with my 2nd ep so stopped going.  Must get back on the not eating cr**p and doing some exercise thing again!!!

Tuckx


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## nanook

Hi all

Ive just signed up for pole dancing lessons, he hee....  should be fun!!

xx


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## lainey-lou

Nanook - Pole dancing    You saucy devil

Susie - good to hear from you.  Glad you are feeling positive, you are very brave. 

Pand - how are you sweetie?  Feeling ok?  Good luck for tomorrow.

Missy - good luck for Saturday, I will be thinking of you.  Try not to worry, everything will be fine.  Trust me, I'm an accountant  

Tuck - sorry the ole pc has been playing up.  It moves so quickly on here sometimes it is hard to keep up.

Sam -  try not to worry about AF.  Typical isn't it, when you don't want it it comes, when you do it doesn't.  Damn that AF.

Jo - I think we are all after answers.  unfortunately they are hard to come by with IF.  I would love to know what our problem is.  Glad you are recouperating from the lap and dye ok.

Hi to Wendeth, Kateag, Chimer, Honeyprincess, MrsChaos and everyone else.

I had my appointment yesterday, it was quite informative.  i was told my baby had 47 XY +10, ie 47 chromosomes instead of the normal 46 (not the 69 previously suggested), with the extra one being chromosome 10.

The consultant did blood tests on me and dh yesterday to check for chromosome abnormalities but said he did not expect to find anything because "having an extra chromosome 10 is incompatible with life" ie if we had an extra chromosome 10 we would be dead!  He is also doing loads of bloods on me to rule out antibody problems, various syndromes, etc.  He said if they don't find anything wrong with those then the mcs are just one offs and unfortunate.

I asked him about my eggs and he said that as long as they are collecting eggs and they are fertilising he would recommend I carry on with my eggs.  So, it seems I should just keep going.  Any thoughts?

At least by May I will have had every test under the sun.  I do feel a bit like a lab rat at the moment.

Lainey x


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## lyndalou

hi Ladies

Sorry not been on for a bit just needed some time away to clear head and think of other things instead of tx and fertility.
Have been thinking about you all a lot and will read to catch up on you news.
Suszy hon My heart goes out to you  

Have follow up app tomo feeling realy nervous about it. Just feel we are setting ourselves up for more failure and heartache.
But body clock is ticking so we must get back on the rollorcoaster.
Much Love to all x


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## samblue

Ok Suszy, will go with the af instead of WW (now I'm gonna be thinking of weightwatchers!! don't want reminding of post-xmas bulges!), that way I won't confuse peeps!  Whoever she is, she's still not here!

I'm really starting to get concerned now, i think i may have subconsciously partly accepted the idea of not having any more kids, got a majorly busy year ahead and now, all of a sudden my and my family's lives, may be turned upside down.  Even if it were not to be successful, then i could be faced with the familiar nightmare of another m/c.  If i let myself think about it, it scares the hell out of me.

I haven't even told dh that I'm late, don't even know how to bring up the subject.

Sorry for me-post again,
luv & luck to you all,
night night
luv sam xxxx


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## cinders35

Am on the edge of my seat now Sam, go and get a pee stick!!!!!!

Lainey, how do you feel about the next treatment then? Made any decisions? Or need to let info sink in? I guess you need ALL tests back first. But if they come back ok, then I think I would keep going. Think.  

Pand, hope you are d/r ok?    

Suszy, thankyou for your massive posts!! They keep us going, and going, and... 

Lyndalou, welcome back. Hope appointment goes ok.

Think will phone clinic later to book in, when I have established if proper af has arrived.

You serious Nanook?! You   . Can't believe it you saucy minx!!!

Missyb, hope you are busy shaving, trimming, painting your toenails, and making sure lady garden is blooming!! I had everything neat for my lap & dye, wouldn't want you to let the side down! My gynae is phwaaarrrr!!!!! Which is just a little off putting, but I considered getting lady garden done in heart shape  . But I didn't, I bottled!!!!!!

Love to all,
Cindersxxx


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## Pand

I don't know... pole dancing and heart shaped lady gardens!!!!!  I leave you all for a few days and look what you naughty children get up to!  Will do personals over the weekend, but just a quick update.  Baseline scan today showed womb lining as it should be, right ovary okay but left ovary with "Cystsy" material!!!  The nurse didn't seem that bothered but it wasn't great news for me as the last thing I want is another cyst!!  Now I'm petrified that stimming (stimulating the ovaries for missyb!) will really aggravate it and be painful.  Cinders assures me it should be ok, but am very nervous about the pain!  Also I kind of wanted it all to be normal and okay. Never mind.  Will take it one day at a time.  Must pop back off now as am doing the dinner!  Speak over the weekend!

Love to you all (esp Amanda, Susie and Lainey!).

Pand


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## samblue

Too nervous to get another test, got 2 negs earlier in wk, making like an ostrich!

Mentioned to dh bout think im bit late, last night, he didnt seem too concerned, (but he does keep things to himself), so at least have brought the subject up!

Will pluck up courage to get another test over wkend and keep you posted.

off to cut dh hair now! (then pizza!)

luv to all, sorry no personals, lazy ! will do l8r! 
sam xxxx


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## abbybella

Hiya ladies can i join you on this board?

I'm on my first month of clomid now (on CD3) after ttc for 4 years with DH. I have a Gorgeous DD from a previous marriage (age 7) 

Saw the consultant for the first time last september and had all initial tests and all seems fine apart from ovulation which isn't happening every month.

Anyone got any exciting plans for the weekend? I have to work  not impressed! 
XX


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## Wendeth

Hi everyone, been on FF for 3.5 hrs now so no personals, so sorry, how rude! Hi AbbyB, welcome.

My scan on Thurs went like a dream, i'm officially 'thick' so my donor egg frosties being transferred on Tuesday. I am horrendously emotional and wobbly  , and can't believe i have finally got to this stage, with just 4 days to go to culminate my dreams. I have spent _6 years _ waiting, first hoping each month that i would be pregnant, then waiting for IVF and having to deal with that failure, to having my laparoscopy which gave us a glimmer of hope, to hope slowing fading again over the years as I got older. It's a hard road to face, knowing i can't have any more children myself and I know I don't post much about my feelings, but i have suffered, like all of us have/are, dealing with my infertility and grieving oh so much grieving for my second baby who would never arrive. I spent months, years in mourning, in denial, in depression, until i shouted out one day after my 40th birthday no more, and then systematically threw out all of my DS's baby stuff, all his toys, his baby clothes, his cot, his buggies and prams, his bottles, his sterilizer, everything. DH was horrified. It was so hard giving everything away to people who had just had their first babies (most of them now have had their second too) but I moved on and accepted my lot and filled my life with painting and setting up my little business and trying to ignore everyone who asked how many children I had. But now... to be given this moment this gift this miracle of life I am so _utterly grateful _  to my donor, so humble, so appreciative, so thankful and just wish I could tell her how I feel, to have been given this chance when I honestly thought i had no more chance.

My head is spinning I am so tired. I crashed the car today - i'm not hurt but the car is, and the other driver was very nice about it all. I won't have time to post again till next week, after the deed is done, but love and hugs  and positive energy  to all.

Wendeth x


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## samblue

Wendeth, my eyes are filling up for you!!  I wish you so much luck honey, really hope it all goes well (don't worry bout the car, as long as you're ok!)

Did test this morning (only to keep you happy cinders!), still showing as big fat Negative! Am probably a week late now (dates and cycles are abit all over the place) going by my longest cycle, so think i will do another test on monday and if still no sign of af, will call St Marys for some advice.  Can't help feeling this may be the beginning of the end... 

The scary thing is (and I don't mean to upset any of you by saying this) I'm actually abit relieved! I can't relax until af does actually show up and i'm still scared that the test may be wrong, but i think that the way i have been feeling this past week, may be an indicator of how i now feel about the whole ttc thing.  Maybe i am finally reaching the end of the road and i just need to accept it?

It occured to me this morning how wonderful it is to be here with you all. How amazing it is to be able to talk to others in the same/similar positions, who all understand what you're going through!  I've become aware, over the years, that if affects alot more people than you think, when you do actually start to talk to others in the flesh, but often its hard to talk to those closest to you.  Thats where FF steps in!!  I value you all so much, i know i'm a relative newbie and have come and gone over the past year, but its wonderful to know you're there!
Thanks to you all and i wish you all the luck with your dreams 

(sorry for the ramble, feeling bit emotional!!)

Have a good weekend all, will keep you posted !!
luv sam xxx


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## samblue

p.s. can i have some bubbles please, kinda need them today   xxxx


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## reetpetite

hello, may i join please?


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## samblue

Hi reetpetite! Welcome!

They're a luvly bunch of ladies on here, bit barking (but then, aren't we all  )

luv sam xxx


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## reetpetite

thank you!


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## abbybella

Good luck wendeth      

I agree sam it is lovely to be able to talk to people who actually understand what we are experiencing. I always felt very alone before i found these boards, like noone else was having problems like this! 

Hope everyone is well and having a nice weekend X


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## samblue

Hi abbybella, welcome to u 2!

I've been on here too long 2day, gonna go have some breakfast!!! xxxx


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## reetpetite

i think that people expect  you to suddenly become super-fertile once you have one child, and SIF makes them uncomfortable. i always assumed that once Noah was born it would be like opening a floodgate. and yes, i do get pg, but they dont stick, but whereas, pre-ds people  wouldnt dream of  asking us when we were  going to have a  baby now they feel that its ok to quiz us, using Noahs solitude  as the main argument


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## *Lollipop*

Hello to our new ladies.....(yes they are barking on here...! ...)

As for the lady gardens....hope lap and dye goes ok today Missy...will be thinking of you.... 

Cinders my gynae is a bit of a dish too so I havent let the side down although did chicken out of the heart shape...... 

Lainey glad you got some answers honey...Suszy as always thinking of you..... 

Ok going to go......as lots to do and wont be on until prob after my op due to overworked bowels....oh the joys of PICOLAX......  

Take care girlies...chat soon.....love and luck....Gabxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## reetpetite

Im so jealous ofall you lodies with  tasty  consultants. my old one looked like a troll!


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## reetpetite

sorry Gabrielle,  hopeim not being rude, but what is your op?


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## whippet

May I join please

Whippet x


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## SUSZY

just a quickie as supposed to be watching film with dh

Whippet - welcome sweetheart - you have come to the right place to share and to make friends esp who going through the same

abbybella - hi and welcome and look forward to getting to know you more - good luck

reetpetite - welcome darling - I have just read your profile and don't know how you have kept going with all those m/c (I have just had my third and feel its unjust) how you have kept going is beyond me - good luck sweetheart and welcome to the gang.  Thanks for introducing me to a new term SIF I love all the acronyms!!! or tlas three letter acronyms so dh says

Gab so good luck with your op will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes crossed

pandy so glad about your scan and good luck with stimming

wendeth have replied on donor thread - good luck for tues will be thinking of you

missby so hope today went well have been thinking of you all day

cinders - sending you lots of love darling - good luck for appt

tuck - hi and thanks for your kind words and sorry you have been so stressed

nanook - hope you are ok sweetheart - I did a pole dancing lesson at my cousins hen do in Sept and it was good fun although because I was not happy with my figure did not enjoy it as much as the others, they said take comfy clothes shorts and tights for gribbing the pole!! and high heels to make you feel sexy.  it was a laugh

lainey - glad you got some more answers honey, did they tell you some of this over the phone before appt and at least with all the tests they will hopefully get to the bottom of it and it will all help.  you never know we might be cycling together .  I am pretty sure they will have done the tests on beanie now and dont know whether to phone up or just wait til 4th Feb??  I think I am going to be picking your brians and asking you lots of questions re the tests as think they will be the ones they will do on me etc if you dont mind? I know it was hard darling but at least they are doing something.

samblue - I kind of know what you are saying - you kind of get yourself in a mode as a saftey device - it certainly feels more normal to me to be not preg than when i was - thinking of you whatever darling and we are all here to share and I know exactly what you mean about FF

Lyndalou - lovely to hear from you again and do understand why you needed a break - take care sweetheart

hi to Jo, chimer, Honeyprincess, faithful , Kateag and Mrs Chaos - love to you all and anyone else i may have missed
have to go as dh looking over my shoulder !!!!!! scary re recent posts and waiting to watch Hot Fuzz, we just had takeway and drinking some carva

take care everyone I love you all and you all mean the world to me and thanks for being there for me
love
susie


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## samblue

thankyou all for my bubbles, nice to know people care

got belly-ache so off to bed  

night all xxxx


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## Pand

Goodness so many lovely new members!  How on earth am I going to keep up?  Well here goes:

Samblue - Oh love. I'm not sure whether you want af to come or not, and I don't think you are either.  But its horrible when your body offers you just that little glimmer of hope then whips it away.  Thinking of you hun.

Susie - glad to see you are still posting flower.  Good luck with the counselling on 24th.  It has kept me sane over the past few months!  Fingers crossed for some answers from your tests and those lovely little frosties.  Hope you enjoyed hot fuz!

Whippett, abbeybella and reetpetite - welcome!  This is such a wonderful thread and everyone is so supportive.  We are rapidly growing in numbers on here so forgive me if I don't keep up with everything every time I post!  I tend to post mainly on the weekends as I am a primary school teacher and the weeksre manic!  I have been posting here for about eighteen months I think and it has really helped to stop me feeling isolated and alone during some very tough times.  I hope it does the same for you guys!

Gab - ditto Susie.  I hope your op goes well flower. Hope your bowels recover soon! Fingers crossed. 

Wendeth - what an utterly wonderful and heartfelt post.  You summed up the desperate emotional battle we all feel at times so eloquently.  I am desperate for your treatment to work for you and agree that donors like yours and Ange are the most wonderful of people!  I bet they have no idea how special they really are!  Good luck xxx

Cinders - you had a good weekend hun?  You would be proud of me... I even bought a large pot of sanatogen pro-natal instead of the 30 I normally buy yesterday... does that count as positive?  I also drank GALLONS yesterday and nearly ended up wetting myself on the motorway!  You got that catheter for me yet?

Lyndalou - lovely to have you back hun.  How did the follow up appointment go?  How you feeling at the mo?

Lainey - I'm sure you are very mixed up at the moment.  It kind of sounds like so far the tests are good news?  If it was just chromosonal abnormalities and the mcs were one offs then I would carry on with your own eggs.  Hopefully you have just been on the receiving end of a very cruel turn of fate.  I'm glad the tests will give you some answers, because next time you conceive (I'm trying to be positive so Cinders doesn't batter me!) you won't be so terrified of mc.  What rubbish.  Of course you will be terrified, but what I'm trying to say is that you will know it's nothing to do with your body and that technically it could work and should give you some little ray of hope?  I hope this comes across like I mean it!  I'm feeling a little tongue tied this morning!  I have been thinking of you lots and hope you are not too down hun.

Missyb - You should be out of your op by now.  God I hope its gone ok and that it gives you some answers or reassurance.  You really deserve it.  I think you are incredible to keep going the way you have done.  Let us know how you've got on and get well soon. xxx

Nanook - Pole dancing eh?  I quite fancied doing that but with my bottom I was worried that gravity would take over and bring me crashing to the floor when I lifted my legs up in the air!  I'm sure you don't have that problem, but I think it's an excellent idea!  I used to go salsa dancing a lot when I lived in Birmingham and it gave me such a buzz and a natural high.  Sounds like you could do with some fun, you deserve it!  Good luck and hope things with dp sort out for you.

Hi to Tuck, Jo, Kateag, Mrs Chaos and Chimer and anyone else I might have missed on our everygrowing thread!

Phew!  I think that is everyone!  As for me, day 2 of stimming and so far so good.  Although the relief from the headaches hasn't come just yet!  Was face painting at my best mate's little boy's party yesterday afternoon/evening and it was just like a busman's holiday being surrounded by 21 five to six year olds!  My poor head was splitting by the time I got home!  They've given me some orange needles to do the stimming jabs and they are a bit bigger than the first ones, so I'm feeling the jabs a little more than I did before, and my poor tummy looks like a dot to dot puzzle with some cracking bruises!  I'm trying really hard to be positive, but I think my defensive mechanism has kicked in, just like Susie and Samblue were talking about.  I find it difficult to convince myself that this could work for us!  My mate even gave me a bottle of wine for helping out yesterday and when I explained I couldn't drink it just at the moment, she said "But you can when you've finished the treatment can't you?"  I'm  not sure if she's given up on me as well or if she was just being dim!  But that's exactly what was going through my head!  I really hope I don't get one little sip of that wine for at least another ten months!  Anyway, that's all for today folks.  I'm trying to beat Susie with her mammoth posts!

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## reetpetite

thank you all so much for making me feel so welcome. I no longer feel comfortable on the TTC boards of the other site I use, its nice to speak to women who have a better idea of what FTC is actually like, instead of getting hacked off after their 1st month! obviously I wish we werent in this position but we are and we have to make the best of it and find an outlet with those who understand. hoipe im not rambling....


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Just a quickie but firstly Wendeth good luck honey I really hope it works out for you and Samblue I also am 2 weeks late and know Im not pregnant so am worrying it may be the beg of the end for me also!!  

Pand ans Suzy thanks for your support you Two are so brill!!!

Cant wait to start my poledancing lessons theyre gonna be brill -I need some excercise as I dont really seem to do a lot other than sitting around the house and doing housework....  also have this 'midlife crises' thing going on Im sure, and seem to have a lot of male admirers at the moment to boot so maybe I want to be a bit naughty!!   ha ha 

Will post more later girls!"!


----------



## reetpetite

oooh pole-dancing lessons sounds intriguing might look into it!!!


----------



## tuck

grrrr just typed message and lost it.  Will try again.

Hope all are having a good weekend, miserable weather.  We are supposed to be going away for couple of days but house is mayhem and neither me, dh or ds can get motivated to do anything except make a mess!!

Just wanted to say hi to reet petite.  i see you had an EP in Feb 07, you and me both honey and i'm sorry to hear that and of the losses you have had subsequently.  I also lost a tube then went on to have another ep in sept.   I used to post on ep website but am moving away from that as literally everyone I joined with and those who joined a lot later than me are successfully pregnant and i am pleased for them after the nightmare that is EP but.. it just compounds the fact that I'm not.

Pand, I hope the stims go well, my friend recently went through ivf and she felt this bit of it went quite quickly and before she knew it was on 2ww.  Good luck to you.
Also to wendeth will keep everything crossed for your little frosties 

Am still in 2 minds about when/whether to try again, reckon even with my strange cycles, that it won't be long before i ovulate and i guess we could but frankly I'm terrified  Alternatively it will seem so wierd and wrong to use contraception as we do so long for another baby.  Guess we will have to see what happens.

Just had another bday yesterday, another year older.  Got a bike so will help with keep fit campaign.  Have to say am very impressed re pole dancing nanook, makes my photography evening classes look very bland!!!  Hope you enjoy it.

Hello to Susie, Samblue (hope you get an answer either way soon hun  ), cinders any one else i missed and the other newbies too.

take care all.

tuckxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

just a quicky as im still feeling a bit fluffy from the lap n dye yesterday.. it's good news my tubes are open yay!!! so it's back to the fertility clinic and clomid for me.. i think.. thank you all so much for your kind words and texts.. i wont bore you with the gorey details but i'll put them in my diary..

hi to all the newbies... i look forward to getting to know you!

hi to susie,lainey,pand,honeyprincess,cinders,kateag,nanook and everyone else!!


mwah


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hi All
Gosh, so many new people - hello, can't do personals right now as must go and get on, have spent half an hour catching up!
Haven't been on much lately as have been trying to think of other things, decided that dh was right; was becoming even more obsessed than normal with ttc. Still been thinking of you all though.

Good news re test Missyb!  

Anyway, will catch up later in the week, am waiting af this week so can get started on IUI. Will no doubt be late!

Faithful xxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Also just spent ages catching up with posts!!!
We are growing in numbers!!! Welcome to all, I look forward to getting to know you.

Off to gp in a minute, for some bloods prior to the next IVF cycle. Have phoned clinic today to book in, waiting for nurss to get back to me. Not sure if Consultant has done my protocol yet. He might be gorgeous, but I think he might be ever so slightly forgetful!!!

This will be my last cycle, BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO WORK! Impressed Pand?   Keep up the good work.

Suszy, hope you enjoyed Hot Fuzz  . 

Missyb, yeah!!!! Loadsa   for you then my girl!!!

My darling Lainey, I   . Worried about you, please post soon  .

So sorry, but will have to stop there, as appointment at 11am.

Byeeee!
Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Ive started finding out about my options if I leave dh.....  think its for the best.. ??   I just cant take anymore of his selfish arseh*le attitude - Id rather be on my own!    Am just feeling guilty re ds now, cos I know it will break his heart! x


----------



## samblue

Morning girls,
just a quick one,
spotting last nite, sobbed myself to sleep, af turned up this morning 

head's all over the place, relief but now maybe gotta face the fact that i was seriously panicing last week at the thought of being pg, don't know if it's because i couldn't face prospect of another m/c or because of the total life change a baby would now bring at my age.  I'm also angry at all those wasted years ttc, if we'd known 10 years ago what we know now, things would've been so different. 

Gonna block it out now and make like an ostrich to help me get through next coup'a days, got my dd 18th birthday party to plan (and, I guess, my big 40   later in year)
Thanks for all your thoughts girls, they mean so much (and the bubbles!)
I'v gotta stop crying now coz my face looks scary!

may b back later
luv sam xxx


----------



## samblue

awww nanook, you poor honey! i feel for you.  only you know wots best for you and ds, sometimes its better for kids to live with just one parent who's happy than be stuck in the middle of two who are constantly warring, only you can decide. (i left my ex when dd was 18mnths old, he was a nasty drunk, felt guilty at the time, but know that i did the best thing for my dd)

is your dh aware of how serious the problems are? would it help if he knew or do you think it may be beyond saving?  life sucks doesn't it?!

sending you lots of luv n hugs hun, keep your chin up  

luv sam xxx


----------



## samblue

just had a lovely text from my dh, made me bl**dy cry again, my face is never gonna recover at this rate!

More tea and, perhaps a choc biscuit?  The new, size 0, me starts tomorrow      (i always was good at irony)

chins-up girls xxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone

Sorry for the absence.  Am having a very difficult time, lots of tears and hiding away.  Went out on Friday and got ridiculously drunk again, lost my phone and was in the dog house all day Saturday with dh  

Missy - hope the op went well. I wanted to text/call Saturday but as I had lost my phone that was not possible.  I am glad to hear the results are good.  No IVF for you then.  I am really pleased  

Cinders - I am alright, thanks for the concern   Good luck with the treatment this time, glad to hear you are feeling positive.  Stay away from me, I am not feeling positive atall.  

Suszy - pick my brains anytime, although I am not sure there is much left to pick!  Hope you are ok 

Pand - stimming at last, hoorah!  I so hope this works out for you, I have everything crossed.     

Sam - I feel the same as you.  Totally terrified of life with no more kids, terrified of getting pg, terrified of m/c, terrified of actually having another baby because I have almost got used to the idea of our family staying as it is.  I too make like an ostrich, sometimes it is too hard/painful to think about so I don't.  It usually comes up and bites me on the bum though, like it is now.  Hope you are ok  

Nanook - oh god, are things that bad?  I had hoped you could sort things out. What will you do?  If DH is as bad as you say he is then you should definitely not stay for the sake of DS.  He will see your misery and probably feel guilty if you stay for him.  I know I did (my dad was an alcoholic and my mum stayed with him).  Sometimes it is better to leave.  

Welcome to Abbybella and whippet, sorry you have had to join us.

Reetpetitte - I don't know how you have coped with so many m/cs.  I thought I might pm you, I hope this is ok.  I have just had my 3rd and feel like my world is falling apart.  Perhaps we can support eachother.  Welcome anyway  

Gab - good luck with the op.  When is it?  Soon I think  

Faithfully - good luck with the treatment    

Wendeth - I can't remember when your treatment is/was.  I hope it goes/went well    

Tuck -    happy belated birthday.

Hi to Lyndalou, chimer, kateag, honeyprincess and anyone else I've missed.

I am going to go now and book an appointment with a counsellor, I think I have reached crisis point and need help.  Fear I will blub all the way through but I suppose even that helps.

Love to you all

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

awww hun im soooo glad you have posted... funnily enough i have just sent you a text!! cinders txt me over the w.end to see if i had heard from you.. now i know why we havent!! 

im so sorry that you are feeling at crisis point. i just want to put my arms around you and let you have a good old cry   it hurts knowing that you aregoing thru all of this and i want to help. im sure the counselling will help you get to the bottom of how you are feeling and how to deal with it. in your post you speak about the fear of getting pg, or facing a life without getting pg, etc.. i know exactly how you feel.. maybe the counsellor will help you find a way to deal with the fear and move on to get the bfp that you so deserve...

i will pm you my numbers again so that if you do find your mobi or get a new one you have them to hand.


lots of love and hugs


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi lainey have pm'd you hun xx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Girls

Well what a few days its been again.

Nanook    I am so sorry things are that bad and its very difficult decision but if you do decide to go we are all here for you.  Good luck whatever you decide darling.  Just read your post again from the other day re pole dancing and admirers so the two sound good and just what you need when things are going wrong at home.  Good luck sweetheart!

Lainey -    so sorry you are feeling how you are and so hope the counselling helps.  I have two sessions booked this week which I am looking forward to but don't really know where to start with it all.  I feel the same as you re the whole preg thing, I was elated when I was but also scared and now I am back being not preg it feels more normal and yet its what I have hoped and dreamed and cried over for the last four years.  I can only think its the safty mechanism we all have in our little heads.  All I know is that is so confusing and horrible and hurts like hell and I wish I could wrap us all in cotton wool and protect us from it.  You know we are all here for you and we so feel for you and we know it hurts like hell but please let us take some of the burden for you. I am sorry you lost your phone (sounds familiar behaviour to me!!! ) and sorry you were in the dog house but sometimes its just what we have to do.  Dh keeps talking about getting back to healthy living and I am saying no sorry I have been good for months and have just been through this traumatic ordeal so of course I am not going to give wine and choc up now!
Anyway darling we are here for you    

Missy -    Its such great news that your lap and dye gave a good result and hope you stop being sore soon.  If its not to early what is the next stage is it BMS like Gabrial as you are quite likely to catch after the op although bet you cannot think about that.
Still not sure if/when its ok for us not that we have actually had to do bms for so long but they say a week because of infections - I have still not been able to bring myself to test like I am supposed to but suppose I will have to, it was supposed to be after a week but I wanted my last test to be a positive one like it was.

Cinders -    so hope that the bloods went well and that you get everything sorted for this next IVF - its come round quick hasn't it and so exciting.  I think being positive is the best way to be and I am really trying to be that as well.

Pand- hope you are enjoying the stimming and you are not too uncomfortable, its all so exciting and the best of luck and keep up that positive vibe its really good for one.  I think we all have the same concerns re being scared of m/c etc and its so hard but keeping and thinking positive can only help!

Sam - so sorry about af and know exactly how you feel ( I think we all do) we are scared to get preg, scared not to, scared of m/c, scared of it all , its what this IF journey has made us and I know what you mean about if you knew how life was going to be.  In your case its 10 years in my case four years but at least now we have found FF we can talk about it and we dont feel alone in fact it feels normal and lovelyto be part of such a loving family who all care about each other.
Cannot believe you are doing dds 18th but suppose had I married young and stayed with them then I would have one as well.

kateag - you have gone quiet on us honey.

reetpetite - Lainey and I had the same idea as I have pmd you too, you are one strong lady and not sure how you have got through what you have experienced and stayed sane and I am so glad you have found us and we will all help support each other.

Tuck - Happy belated birthday hope that you had a good one and good luck re the bike, its so difficult about ttc but I suppose its worth another try, I know we used contraception after my 2 m/c coming up to my 40th back in Jan 04 for six months and how I wish we had not now but its too late.  at the time I was catching really quickly and di not know that this world was waiting for me and yet in some ways had I not been here would not have met you wonderful girls.

whippet.    abbey     - hope you are doing ok girls, it will take a while to get to know everyone but its best just to keep posting, dont be put off that you think everyone knows each other as we have all been posting at different times and it takes a while to settle in.  Just grab a cuppa and a biscuit and listen for a while but do put your twopenneth in from time to time too.  good luck on your journeys.

Gab - your appt it getting closer and closer, so good luck with it and we will be thinking of you and wishing you a great result 

Wendeth -     good luck honey - thinking of you!

faithful -     a bit of time out never did anyone any harm but you know you can come on here and not talk about ttc as well. I think what Pand does due to hear work load is good and make sure that you post once a week and then any other time you can.  just know we are here for you!

lyndalou -    nice that you posted the other day and hope you will come back soon

chimer -     whats up sweetheart - where are you

honeyprincess    - hope you are doing ok sweetheart, thinking of you, please post if you can


----------



## samblue

U know, I think we should all meet up & go out on a serious bender!!  The world wouldn't know wot's hit it... 

thanks for all the support, I'm not sure wot to do or where to go now, i feel like abit of a fraud on here now, coz i don't even know wot i want anymore and so many of you are so focused and determined.

sorry, rambling again
gotta go back l8r xxx


----------



## whippet

Hi Folks

Has anyone D/R with the one off Prostap and if so what and when did you get any side effects. Just did mine this afternoon just glad to be finally starting IVF journey.
Look forward to hearing from you all who have so much more experience than me.

Many thank

Whippet


----------



## SUSZY

sorry i rushed off before ds being dropped off
just wanted to say lots of love and luck to everyone 

Sam - you have to stay we are all here for each other and its still 2ndry IF no matter whether we are still on the treadmill or not.

Gab - sorry sweetheart - how did it go today - please let us know - hope it ok

wendeth - so good luck for tomorrow.

Girls have been reading some good mags one called Natural Health and another just about to start Psychologies all about positive thinking etc and makes a change from the usal stuff.

be back soon

love
susie


----------



## nanook

Thanks Suzy - totally appreciate it - Ive the feeling my life will start living once Im out of this whole mess - getting through it will be the hard part though!!! x


----------



## samblue

Thanks Suszy, may go for a while 2 try and sort my head out (that ostrich thing!), have to try & sort out where we/i go from here.  Feel like a few things may hav become clearer this week, or not?! Will still pop in 2 check on everyone tho.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it for all of you, life's so unfair. 

Big hugs to you all  

nite nite, luv sam xxxx


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!

how are we doing today? there are so many people on here (which is wicked!) so i will try and catch up with everyone!

hi suzy... how are you hun? i pm'd you. did you get your tesco's shop all sorted? 

hi pand.. how is the stimming going? i hope that you are doing well hun xx

hi cinders... how did it go with you blood tests etc? do you have an idea of how long it will be before your protocol starts??

hi lainey... how are you feeling today? ive pm'd you and text you (not that im hounding you! lolx) you know where i am hun...

hi nanook... how are things going hun? what have you decided what to do?? you know you can talk to me hun if you need to.. i cant give you any great answers but i do know where you are coming from.. 

hi sam.. how are you hun? things any clearer? i like the idea of us all going out on a big bender!! that would be soooo fab... i have a feeling we'd make the tabloid press though!!

hi kateag.. where are you hun? are you shopping??

hi gayn... how are you? havent heard from you in a while.. thinking of you xx

hi whippet.. sorry i cant help with your question but hope you are well hun xx

hi gabs how are you hun?? any news?

hi reetpetite.. im sorry that you have had such an awful time hun.. you have come to a fab thread.. the girls on here are a real life saver!!

hi emilycaitlin... still thinking of you hun xx

hi honeyprincess... how are you doing hun?? how is sil?? stay in touch either by text or post when you feel up to it hun... thinking of you.

im sure ive missed people out but it's not intentional i just get paranoid about losing posts!


much love


amanda


----------



## dizzyloo

hey ladies just thought I would pop in and peek at how you are all doing. I hit on Laindey's message from a few weeks ago and she said she needed a bit of inspiration. But first of all just want to let suzy know how sad I am for you. But don't give up don't forget where there are frosties there is hope!
For all of you ladies I don't know I had FET and ended up with identical twins after a single embryo transfer. I have to say I would never have got through those dark days before my miracle without this board and the amazing women on it. I'm so grateful for the support and i hope the girls who were around at the time know that.

Anyway I'm 19 weeks now and the size I was at nearly 26 weeks when I had my DD. Am slightly concerned about exploding as not sure quite how much more I can grow! Starting to feel kicks and wriggles now and can't wait for DH and DD to be able feel them too although I think belly is still a bit padded! The wonder of my miracle makes up for the fact my pelvis is seperating and am finding walking/working difficult and can't lift DD up any more.

Love to you all on your journey's and please remember miracles do happen!
Lots of love
Dizzy


----------



## missyb

hi dizzy!! so fab to hear from you!! goodness i cant believe that you are 19 weeks already!! where does the time go... im so sorry that you are so uncomfortable. thank you for the reminder that miracles do happen. i think we all need that reminder at the moment. so many of us are struggling with various things..

anyway hun wicked to hear from you!!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Stepped in dog poo this morning,
Now I can't text 'cos my phone says 'inactive sim' whats that all about?!   Have tried to prise back off with kitchen knife, can't get to the b***dy sim  . 
Struggling with second part of assignment re genre, and use of tense.
But apart from that really upbeat and positive   not!
Try and get back when I have calmed down... 

Deep breaths....
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

aw hun...just take deep breaths hun.. unfortunatley technology and me dont get on! hope your phone is ok.. you'll be fine with your assignment hun.. you're very talented darling xx

amanda


----------



## cinders35

You reckon?!  
Have pm'd you.  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Ladies,...thanks for all your support...

Dizzylou....glad things are going well for you take extra special care...xxxxxx

Well op went as well as could be expected division of adhesions....tubes patent and endo still at stage 3 so cons was a happy man....me too...hopefully means less pain now....and hopefully Jinemed clinic in Turkey our next stop...take care girlies....love and luck thinking of you...xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

wow thats fab news gabs!!! not long to go now! keep us posted wont you!

im soooo getting cabin fever!! i drove to the shops and managed to bash my car into someone elses' no harm done but im going doolally!!!  

amanda xx


----------



## reetpetite

Hi ladies, I know I said it before, but thanks again for making me feel so welcome. I really appreciate it, especially since most people when they find out about our journey dont understand/know where to look.

had a pretty crap day today. got the beginnings of a cold, read the back of my angus castus supplements (with specs on) and realised that i needed to be taking 2 tablets, twice a day, not 1, once a day as I have been   shoulder is killing me (damaged it 2w ago) and Im stupidly behind on my assignments (doing holistic therapies course).

And to top it off, dh and I have been merrily ttc, rang up LWH to confirm appt for next thursday and bone density scan and the nurse said "you have been using precautions haven't you?" oooops! will be on CD21 but I have an irregular LP and may have already ov'd. doubt I am knocked up but it would be funny   if I am.

the problem is, I still cant bring myself to bring out the condoms.... so, shh, don;t tell dh!


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girlies!

WOW   Have I been gone that long!?!?! 

I'm going to try and attempt personals but please forgive me if I miss some of you!!

Nanook, hun I'm so sorry to hear things are so s*itty at the moment, whatever you chose to do will be right for you and we will all be here for you. As for the pole dancing well!!  

Lainey, hun same for you as well, it must be awful to be feeling so confused. I hope you manage to find a way to make you feel better, whatever that way is. Also, don't worry about going out, getting drunk OR losing your phone. Sounds like you needed a bloody good night out.  

Missy,   cheeky moo! I've not been shopping for oooooh, a week!? SO glad the op went well hun and it's all clear for you! No IVF! Yay!!! How you feeling now? xx

Suszy, how are you doing hun? You always have lovely words for everyone, are you ok? x

Cinders, how are you doing hun? I agree with Suszy, positive thinking is the best way to go, no matter how impossible it seems  

Pand, glad the stimming is going well hun. I loved that bit! Finally got back to feeling human!! When are you in for a scan??

Sam, hi hun! I've not spoken to you before, welcome to the mad house. Sorry to hear about af. x I'm looking forward to chatting to you x

Reetpetite, hi to you as well!! And Tuck!! x

Wendeth, how are you doing hun? xx

Faithful, lyndalou, chimer and everyone else I've missed massive   to you all. 

I can't remember what news I last told you all!? My clomid consultant has gone away indef, cant get treatment while he's away   so we've started the ball rolling on the IVF again. I had all my bloods done, and they all came back normal, dh has had a SA done today (so should be back next week some time) and if all is good, we're looking at starting in April May. Maybe! But at the moment I'm enjoying not thinking about it!!! 

Hope everyone is doing ok xxxx


----------



## Wendeth

Dear all

Oh i'm not allowed on here for long. My mum is with me and making sure i don't tire myself out!    My DE FET today was cancelled as my frosties were too sleepy today.  Bit of an anticlimax but i have to ring at 9.30 tomorrow to see if they've woken up and if they have, go in at 11... DH can't get back for the tx, he's still in Dorset so my mum is gonna be with me for the immaculate conception. Which star do we follow?  Def my DH's SA - if they'd been my eggs, they'd have been up at 6, multitasking and still have time for a cup of tea before 11.  Ah well.  

Pand - my beautiful cycle buddie!  I am thinking of you and wishing you lots of arnica for your bruising. I haven't had to injected ... just chronic sinuses with the syneral sniffing and indigestion with pill popping Progynova and now on the Crino stuff.  Any dates for EC yet?  Loads of      for you.

Moving house Sat so prob won't get back on for a week or so but lots of love to everyone.  Sorry, not allowed to do personals - mother here with her big axe   making me get off!  

Wendeth x


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
just a quick few personals tonight as did a long one last night - just because not mention you not mean i dont care!

Wendeth - replied on donor but sorry again for the delay and good luck for tomorrow

Pand - how is stimming going - thinking of you and fingers crossed

kateag- nice to hear from you again, fraid you have got the shopping hat!!  You never know we might be cycling together!  I'm doing ok thanks, honey

dizzylou - lovely to hear from you honey, cannot believe you so big but can understand with twins!

reet - glad you feel at home with us darling, we are all here for each other.  sorry you have been feeling so pants and hope you get better soon (by the way re pants!!!!! on another thread I post the girls were talking about having old holey knickers!)

missby - yes got the tesco shop sorted !! have been quite good this week and have even cooked from scratch - not sure if I mentioned if not pregnant within 6 months he is going to send me back to work!!! so have decided to try and become a better wife and start cooking more!

Lainey - how are your darling, did you get an appt with the counsellor - I am going twice this week!!!!

gab - glad it went as well as could be expected- jinemad clinic turkey - sounds exciting - what happening there

Cinders - good luck with the assignment and hope you get the results and tx sorted soon

samblue - we will miss you but understand darling but you know where we are

nanook - thinking of you!

Love to Honeyprincess, chimer, Lyndalou, emily caitlin. faithful, tuck, whippet, gayn, abbeybella
thanks as ever to all you wonderful girls.
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

Hope you're all ok.

I'm feeling a bit pants today, think I've got pmt. Wish af would just hurry up and come, can get on with treatment then! Am at home and really bored, got no money so no point in shopping!  Think I need to go back to work, but not a great time for finding employment is it when you're just about to start a round of tx!!! Also dh wants me to decide whether we're going to go skiing or not; of course I want to go skiing but I'd rather get on with treatment. 

Anyway enough about me! Wendeth all the best for ET, hope your mum is still making sure you're not overdoing it! Hope the move goes well too.

Suszy - Hope you're doing OK, baking then eh?  Perhaps i should go and get my delia books out too!! Stop me from being bored.
Pand - Hope stimming is going OK.
Nanook - sorry you're having a rough time at mo at home, thinking of you.

Everyone else lots of  

Faithful xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ps Decided to go shopping anyway, I can just look can't I!!!!


----------



## *kateag*

Hi girls, 

Faithful, hope the window shopping cheered you up a bit hun, it's a nightmare deciding what to do re tx, feels like your whole life goes on hold. Maybe the skiing holiday would be a good thing? Come back raring to go? 

Suszy, would be good to cycle together hun! 

Heard from my clinic today, all my bloods are good, and I don't need to have a repeat HIV done (Im an egg sharer) as the last ones are still ok, so I just need an AMH done and if that comes back ok I'm good to go?! I was expecting another 3 month wait and then start! I'm thinking of waiting til April anyway, get in the best possible heath!!


----------



## xx kath s xx

hi girls,

can i join you here, have a date for op, 28th march, my cons said he will most probably remove my blocked right tube and do ovarian drilling as i have pcos and do not ovulate... am bit scared but excited as well, i have been told that ovarian drilling is only a short term treatment and does not last that long   I'm not sure. I also thought it was a day stay in hosp, but my consultant has asked for me to be an inpatient and have to go the day before which scared me even more. does not help that i gave up smoking recently and am dieting, will do anything to try and give us more of a chance to conceive.

Kath xx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies    A lot of chat happening here! I see a lot of new faces have joined Welcome!

Hope everyone is ok and enjoying this wonderfull weather  x

Had follow up app on Fri. We have decided to do a lot of testing before starting next tx so looks like will be cycling again in mar or april. Consultant said he doesnt usualy suggest testing until after 3 failed fresh attempts but with a little push he has agreed. With 5
blasts transfered in all and not even a hint of a preg we feel for peace of mind its the best thing for us to do. So watch this space!

Love and fairy dust to everyone 

Lynda x


----------



## Wendeth

Just a quickie - 2 frosties on board, a 6-cell and an 8-cell both grade 1.

Test is on 4th Feb.

Mum standing by!   Better go.

Love Wendeth 

ps thanks to all of you for your wonderful support over these past few months - it has been incredibly special for me.


----------



## cinders35

Oh my goodness, can't keep up with all you    
Have got NO time due to assignment, but just thought I would let you know am checking up on you all!!
Phone is fixed, felt lost without it! Suszy did you get no. from Missyb?  
Welcome to newbies   .
Wendeth    .
Lainey    

Missyb, I was ok after about 5 days, but was signed off work for 2 weeks because they did a bit of work. You still suffering?

Pand, have you started chanting?!  

Everyone else, sorry for rubbish post. Will try and get personal   with you ladies after assignment done!

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## bubblicous

hey all thought id join this thread and say hi to you all xxx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls 
hope you are ok
did a preg test today - the registrar asked me to do one after a week but could only bring myself to do it today, such a shame as I wanted my last one to be positive!  he wanted to make sure it was all out of my system.
I also rang Bham clinic again, I tried yesterday and assumed they knew I m/cd as I returned a form to them, anyway the lady who had been dealing with us did not, she was shocked and sorry for us but kept saying it was 1 in 5 that ended in m/c and she seemed to think it was that rather than anything being wrong with me.  She also did not think they would be able to test much as it was not my egg - anyway I asked lots of questions re FET and it seemed the problem is not in the thawing but in the freezing, anyway there is only a few weeks wait for appts which we would need to sign the consent form and then wait for my day 21 and when I have my scan to check for thick lininig say this was on the fri the et would normally be the thursday and they would be thawed on the wed so feel like I have a few more answers.  Was feeling quite excited and hopeful when came off the phone to her but it was rather traumatic morn with the test as well. I went back to my leisure club which was good although was hard work and did not do loads, I cooked another meal from scratch tonight (not normal for me) although dont think dh made all the approp noises!!!!! Feeling a bit tired and jaded and has a friend and kid around earlier and while telling her all about it actually felt myself deflate a bit, the first sign of something i hope not!  Anyway have one of the counselling sessions tomorrow afternoon and lunch with a friend (think I needed a bit more closure and the friends I saw tonight and the one I am seeing tomorrow were the ones I saw in my first week of preg and as they both want other ones (the one today has had m/c and eptopic, got blocked or no tubes and had a failed ivf not that she talks about it that much) and one tomorrow had bad m/c and wants another baby but has a 10 and 6 year old = anyway I am rabbiting again but feel closure as in was the first week and the last week if that makes sense.
better go as not made sense i am sure also need the loo!
might update my diary too

hi and welcome bubblicious - have seen your posts elsewhere so welcome to the gang

welcome Kath and good luck for your op in March

pand - hope stimming going well

cinders - yes got your number thanks - good luck for the assignment and hope you get your protocol sorted soon

kateag - great news re your bloods and that we might be cycling together (you have also reminded me that I need to get a smear in april) think it might be April when we start, I rang Bham today and she said there is only a few week waiting list for appts - we need one to sign the  consent form to start d/ring again on my day 21 so feeling bit hopeful about that. 

faithful - sorry you were bored - have you thought about reading mags/books/going to the gym/walk/write letters  go on ff!  If you can afford it skiing might be just what you need and it would really chill you out before tx!

nanook - hope you are doing ok honey


lainey - hope you are doing ok sweetheart thinking of you as ever     

missby - hope  you are ok darling esp after your little accident - hope you are not too stir crazy

gab - hope you are ok sweetheart and recovering well

wendeth     hi pupo lady

gayn     
lyndalou - think the testing is a good idea and glad he agreed - good luck - let me know how you get on as I need some testing too.

abbey/whippet/tuck hope you doing ok girls   

reet     
emily caitlin, honeyprincess thinking of you

love to everyone else
love
susie


----------



## honeyprincess

Hi girls 

Wow there are lots of newbies, how will i ever keep up now?!

thank you for the support of those who have pm'd me.
I am gonna try and post often, i love u all and hope u are ok, will do personals soon once i get used to posting again.

Anyway thanks and talk soon! 


 


ps samblue please stay and chat i am kinda feeling the same, feeling confussed as to wat i want, so u r not alone!

Love  all 
Laura xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! how are we doing??

hi suzy!! how are you? tried to send you a pm but your box is full! lol x it's a shame that the clinic didnt know about what happened even though you sent the note.. on a positive note it's good that you dont have long to wait for an appt... how are you and dh feeling about it all?      think you will need some of this but you know your ff's are with you thru thick and thin!

hi honey princess!! so good to see you posting hun!! i know it must've taken alot for you to do.. come back when you feel ready hun!

hi cinders.. how is the assignment going?? any news on your protocol??

hi kateag..glad your bloods etc are ok.. the time will fly by! at least you have a plan now. any shopping?? lolxx

welcome kath s!! this board is a sanity saver!

hi wendeth!! how are you feeling hun? PUPO!!  

hi lainey.. thinking of you hun

hey pand... hows the stimming going??

i have a feeling im going to lose this as ive been doing this post & din!!

im ok just still sore.. think it was because i lay on my tummy last night (soooo much weight!)


hope you are all well.. hi to those i havent mentioned but havent forgotten!!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Morning all,

Assignment is done! I am e-mailing it off today. Have worked very hard on it, I still have some problems with tense, can't seem to get it clear in my head. Continuous past, continuous present....  so if it comes back with 'rubbish' all over it, I am probably not destined to spend a life in front of my laptop creating wonderful literature, or chick-lit for you chicks to read. Ho-hum!!!!

My protocol has arrived, have phoned clinic to make appointment for consenting. Waiting for them to get back to me.

Got to go and get organised with things other than assignment and ff!!!!

Love to all    

Cindersxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi,

I am finally back, I've had a few struggles over the past few weeks, mostly I think with work and looking after the babies, but am back on my feet now.  Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Girls

I really must start coming on here more often....I just can't keep up with you all!

I'm so sorry for all of you who have had bad news recently or are going through tough times at home.....life is soooo crap isn't it.  
Chin up girlies surely things can only get better for us all   

Fabulous news for those of you who have frosties onboard     and also for those who had fantastic news from your ops   

Welcome to all the newbies....I certainly won't be able to keep up now.

Had a crap week. I've been feeling so down and tearful I can't seem to think positive about anything at the moment. My dh has been great which is a real shock as he's not normally too good at the emotional stuff. Still a bit bruised from my lap and dye but back to normal other than that.
I went to the doctors yesterday and burst into tears...felt like a complete idiot, but he was great and said it was more than normal to have bad days and that I should have a good chance of starting my IVF some time this year if that's what we decide to do.

Has anybody had tubal surgery? I'm not sure on the risks etc and am trying to weigh up my options, any advice is most welcomed.

Sorry there are no personals today, but I am sending lots of love, hugs and    to all of you fabuolous ladies. 

Jo
xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Girls.

Just a quicky today, hard to keep up with everyone.  It takes so long to read the messsages that I don't have time to post anymore!! 

Two Laineys, how confusing.  I won't know who I am anymore    Welcome anyway.

Wendeth       sending loads of positive vibes your way.

EC - good to hear from you lovie.  I have been worried about you as you haven't posted anywhere for ages.  I hope you are ok.  I am struggling myself at the moment so know how you feel. It must be so hard having to face babies everyday, I am not surprised you haven't felt great.  Lots of love to you  

Jo - sorry to hear you are feeling rubbish too.  It is so emotional all this IF rubbish.  Sending you a hug too  

Cinders - you clever girl.  Well done on the assignment. If you knead any 'elp wiv you're English give me a shout 'cos I is well good at it.  Tenses and that are well easy.  Are you fick or sumink??  

Susie - hope the counselling is going ok.  I am going to book an appointment right now, I keep meaning to do it and don't get round to it.  Thanks for the PM  

Pand - how's the stimming going?  Thinking of you.  Hope you are ok.

Missy - looking forward to a chat one day next week.  Let me know what day is best for you and I will give you a call.  Hope you are not so sore now  

Honey Princess - good to hear from you.  You should try and post more often if you can, it really helps me.  I understand that sometimes though you just don't feel like it  

Hi to everyone else.

I am ok.  Feeling better than I did at the beginning of the week.  I am going to have to do my tax return over the weekend, it is a bit of a busman's holiday for me, I hate it. 

Hope you are all ok.

Love Lainey x


----------



## reetpetite

hi all, officially in my 2ww, and blackmailed dh into having sex with me even tho i'm snotty and gross (and we have the BDS looming). i sometimes worry that its me bullying dh into ttc again, he's sooo scared of having another mc that he's been keeping his cards rather close, but yesterday he turned to me and said "in theory you could be pg couldn't you?" i expressed surprise at his comment and he just told me how much he wanted another baby and that he's frightened. dont blame him i suppose...

sorry, havent got to grips with everyones names and stats yet but just want to wave to everyone


----------



## missyb

hey girls how are you doing??

hey reetpetite... im not stalking you honestly!! how did you blackmail dh into having sex?? lol xx

hi lainey-lou... u make me larf.. dp is off mon and fri so any of the other days are better.. it will be good to catch up. how are you feeling?

hi susie... pm'd you hun xx how are you hun.. howdid it go at the hospital??

hi emilycaitlin.. so good to hear from you. it must be so hard for you especially in the job that you are in. 

hi jo1983 sorry i cant help with regards to your question about tubal surgery.. have you tried any of the other threads..peer support sorry you have been feeling so teary hun  


hi cinders.. well done you on getting your assignment done.. ive been tempted to do the same course but after reading what you have to do (which i soooo dont even understand) i will give that a wide berth!! have you heard back from the clinic??


hi lainey... not long to go now!

hi to wendeth,kateag, honeyprincess, dizzy, and anyone else ive forgotten.


im just dying for af to hurry up and come so that i can get on with ttc! i never thought i'd hear myself saying that but there you have it! 2 weeks to go till my fertility clinic appt.. hopefully soon i will be a bit further forward on my journey!

have a lovely weekend ladies

love you all

amanda xx


----------



## reetpetite

like this <lip wobbling> you dont love me anymore do you? 
DH: of course i do...
me: so its that you dont fancy me?
DH: of course not, but you're ill, and we have the BDS on thursday..
me: oh, so its sex to order now is it?
DH: no, i meant...
me: i try to keep it fun, stop it being mechanical...
Dh: but...
me: can i help it if my body is at this momnet ready for sex? 
DH: but...
me: well, we cant have sex in the 2ww, so this is your last chance. oh, and my wrist hurts too! 
DH: bed then?

<hums> dum de dum de dum de dum, de dum, de dum de duuuuum


----------



## Jo1983

Thanks Missy B

I've just had a look on Peer support and shall definately be posting....wish I knew my way round this place better 
Hope af arrives very soon for you  

xxx


----------



## SUSZY

Right girls - on third glass of wine and just eaten a packet of wotsits -there are small mercys for not having to eat and be good at mo

Pand      

Missby - thanks for pm - have updated my diary and not lost it if anyone interested - hope af arrives soon and appt gets here soon.
Are you feeling mostly recovered now?

cinders - so glad the assignment out of the way and protocol arrived and good luck sorting that out.

lainey1 hope you dont mind being called lainey 1 glad you feeling a bit brighter - you have an amazing sense of humour sweetheart - shame we could not get a conference call going or lets arrange a meet in the chat room

lainey2 not long now 

kath s - hope you are ok 

reetpetite    you are funny!!! perhaps you should be doing the same course as Cinders and you could write play - perhaps we should all go to the stage with FF.   

Emily caitlin - so lovely to hear from you again and sending you love and healing     really not sure how you do your job but you must be an amazing woman!  good luck honey.

jo83 sorry cannot help you with tubal stuff but as missby says am sure peer support or someone else will -you know if I had my dob in my title it would be suszy64 - you know I cannot believe I am going to be 44 in 3 months - there must be some mistake!! 
sorry you had a crap week and hope you begin to feel better soon, you know sometimes think its good to let it all out! have you thought about counselling - I know I am a bit counselling mad at mo but it can help!

honeyprincess - keep on posting my sweet

kateag - hope you are ok - you have defo got the shopping queen award - think we must all be jealous!  I am banned from it at mo which is quite hard!

bubblicious - hope you are doing ok, what a wonderful name!

wendeth             good luck pupo lady.

nanook - hope you are ok, what have you planned for the weekend, any developments, let us know and dont forget we are here for you

faithful - hope you are ok too sweetheart - hope you over your boredom

lydnalou    

chimer long time no hear   

gayn - thinking of you    

Is anyone else going to the  big meet up in May in Stratford, really looking forward to it myself.
Hope you all have a good weekend will be thinking of you.
I am wearing my wrist band that arrived yesterday with pride.
Had a counselling sess yesterday at local surgery, she was reallly good and then today at hosp and she was good if not a bit quick at 30 mins, am very impressed stuff is being done and feel I am getting somewhere.  i am also coming to terms with fact m/c might have been fluke of nature and just very bad luck and really hoping the frosties will come through for us as the overriding things is the tx as in DEIVF worked.  I have also began to realise I might not be able to stop if frosties dont work as think above all I need a safety net each time.  One of the reasons I asked for the counselling not realising it would come through so quick but think the registrar i saw at hossie and midwife who rang to congratulate me day after m/c had put urgent on my notes!!! I am just so scared of going down again just want to avoid it.  think one of the reasons was I felt like down by people I saw every day I know this has changed slightly and also I have found ff but the counselling might solve some deep roooted baggage I have.
At my ripe old age of nearly 44 I have experienced a fair few of lifes rich tapestry both good and bad, parents splitting a few times before we finally moved area and to a new life new home when I was 14 back in 79, friends school (perhaps here lies the key!!??),
travelled alot very nice, went from comp to a private but experience bit of jealous from others due to travel etc (sorry thought this was a counselling session but have started so will finish!!) plodded and worked hard to get a few Os and As and then a degree, travelled some more, lots of boyfriends, worked for step father, met 1st hubbie, divorced a few years later, more boyfriends etc, still not career, lost my brother, met my second hubbie, had love of my life, 2 m/c few years of fertlity tx another m/c to present day.
have experienced lost of things never wanted to like divorce, bereavement, ceasarian, m/c and infertility and egg donation - it seems the story is to continue.  sorry about that might have to cut and paste into my diary as not sure where that came from - perhaps the counselling is working!

take care everyone
love you
love
susie


----------



## Jo1983

Susie..... I do feel for you, your post was very heartfelt, it brought a tear to my eye  

It sounds as though the counselling is really helping you come to terms with things, it must be a help to talk to someone who is impartial and doesn't think you're going mad.....cause I'm quite sure some of my friends and family think I'm having a breakdown the amount of crying I've done over the past week. My GP mentioned that there is a counseller attached to the clinic Im at so am considering it....I just find it quite strange....opening up to someone I don't know.

Have got my appointment through which is good, it's 26th feb so not long to wait I'm quite impressed how quick they have got me in.

Don't go worrying about your age bless you, I feel and look 44 most days  Have you got anything planned for your Birthday?

Where do I get a wristband from by the way... I really have not got the hang of this site yet  
I thought that I would try and keep up with you all this weekend so I can get to know you all a bit better hopefully  
What does this big meet in Stratford involve? sounds interesting.

I've just read my post and I may as well just dedicate a whole post to asking questions  

Right I'm off to finish my Baileys off.

Love to all
Jo xxx


----------



## reetpetite

susie, i dont know what to say, that was a very moving post. fwiw im a big fan of counselling, have been seeing my counsellor for 2y now and i owe him so much. we talk about everything and he helps me put things into perspective.

<waves to everyone> right, my little devil angel has kept me up all night (i thought they were supposed to sleep through at some point) so i need coffee, will check in later!


----------



## tuck

Hello all

Just back from a holiday in Centerparks, we had a lovely active time.  DS got a new bike too and he has finally mastered pedalling with both legs bless, very proud mum.  I also had a few bike rides and swim etc, then counteracted it all by eating and drinking far too much!!!

When i was away got call to say still got a job - had redundancy selection and all had to apply for job - so that was good news.  Think the worry about the job was masking the worries about fertility cos as soon as i found i'd still got my job thoughts turned to my probs having another baby again.  Centerparks whilst lovely was a constant reminder of what we don't have - a baby   got quite upset today now home, there were so many beautiful babies and mummys with bumps - i wish i could be blinkered cos i can't help but torture myself especially looking at those where there was a toddler and baby - my babe would've been 4 months now   ora toddler with a mum with a bump (mine should've been nearly 5 months).  my ds also noticed all the babies, and kept saying "i like babies muma" and constantly talking about it - it just hurt thats all and it helps to get it off my chest.  

Also missed my ovulation time, actually went out my way to avoid bd (which wasn't hard cos dh absolutely knackered), cos i'm so blo*dy scared of having another ectopic,  my mind set just doesn't seem ready to try again yet (emergency surgeries, pain, the loss of the babies still too raw) and I feel sad for that.  Didn't tell dh til today that it was my fertile time and he is hurt and upset so that makes me feel doubly cr*p.

Now to everyone, 

Susie, - know where you're coming from re. pg testing after loss to make sure hormone out of system  I couldn't bear to do mine at home so did it in sainsburys toilets with ds in trolley.  I am so glad you are finding the counselling helpful.  You have been through so much and i am so hoping and praying that your frosties come though.  Like you said the treatment worked so that is a huge positive.

Jo I am sorry that you have been upset this last week.  I just got really upset on the phone to my mum.  I think it really does help to talk and let it out and places like this help so much too.  Hope next week is a better one.  Re tubal surgery, I post on another website occasionally and there are sometimes question about unblocking tubes if that is what you meant.  Yes it can and does happen but I think with any surgery especially on delicate structures like the tubes there are obviously risks you need to take into account ( something to do with the delicate hairs in the tube sometimes being damaged ) - not much help I hope you found more info.

Hello to emilycaitlin who i have not 'met' before being a newbie, hope to get to know you.

Reetpetite - good luck in your 2ww

cinders - intrigued about your course - sounds interesting!!

Nanook, I hope your ok things sound difficult for you at the mo.

Hello to everyone i missed and those at various stages in treatment thinking positive thoughts for all      

Tuckx


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Ladies, 

Tuck; don't think we have met before so   Glad you had a nice holiday, which centre parcs did you go to? I'm sorry you are feeling down today. I understand completely what you mean about women and bumps and babies. My sister in law and brother have just had a baby girl and it's so hard to face them. I know I have to and she is my niece and beautiful. They've asked me to be her godmother in March which is lovely but will be so hard on the day. Well done your ds on pedalling, my ds had a bike from Santa and we have tried without the stabilisers....and he promptly fell into the lampost...lots of tears so they're back on for now. Hope you are feeling better tomo and you're right it is definately better to have a good cry it always helps.  

Reetpetite; I don't think I have met you before either so   to you too. You are funny   I have been reading some of your posts about   you've had me in fits of giggles. I see you are on 2ww. Wishing you all the luck in the world. I really hope it works out for you and dh.  

Hi to everyone else....I am trying my hardest to get to grips with everyone and post lots this weekend. I'm not stalking you all and I do have a life......honest  

Joxxx


----------



## Jo1983

ps. please can I have some bubbles


----------



## whippet

Hi Jo a new arrival really makes you aware how much you long for another child. Hang in there your time will come again. Will your health board fund you or will you be private?

Reetpetite how you doing in you 2ww? How mant days to test date?

Tuck glad the holiday went well I have never been but my sis goes and loves it.

Take care everyone
Whippet x


----------



## reetpetite

jo, glad i made you laugh, when people ask me when we're going to give ds a sibling i now reply " well, we had sex last night in the optimum position and my cervical mucous was good, so you'll be the first to know" soon shuts 'em up  

tuck, i dont blame you for being scared, its totally understandable after all youve been through. take some time, you need to heal x

whippet, the witch is due on the 7th, I dont want to wait!!!!!!

I know that I'll cave and test next week. going up to LWH for a BDS and results of my bloods on thursday  so they will have to test me then anyway. 

come on super-sperm!


----------



## Pand

Sorry this is going to be a me post.  I promise I will catch up properly with personals but there are so many of them I can't keep up!  

Feel really guilty as I haven't posted properly but I've been in such a bad place, I didn't want to dump on everyone.  Susie and Cinders you know what I'm talking about!

Went for first stimming scan on Friday (7 days of stimming).  Only 4 follicles and a couple of possible tiny ones.  The nurses suggested that I cancel the cycle as they prefer 8 follicles to continue.  They have left me to carry on stimming as planned til Tuesday and then will have next scan when we will have to make a decision to cancel or carry on and risk not having anything.  I was absolutely stunned and gutted.  Have been crying most of the weekend and to make it worse, dh was away on a basketball weekend!  How about that for timing!  I was so upset after the scan I stood half naked blubbing about being useless and saying "I can't even do IVF properly!"  The poor nurses must have thought I was a nutcase!  I heard them saying to my mother in law that they could understand my reaction if I was on the highest dose of medications but that this wasn't the end of the road for me.  I just kept thinking about the money!  We are not made of it contrary to popular belief!  I have been injecting for 7 weeks, and if we cancel now we will lose £800 altogether!  All for nothing!  But if we carry on we will pay the full £2500 and we may not even get any eggs!  What a decision to make!  I just kept thinking why me?  I was so sure that my body would be fine with the IVF, in fact I thought I would over stimulate!  What a fool!  

Anyway, after much crying and feeling sorry for myself, my wonderful friend Cinders put a post on peer support on my behalf.  I've had lots of replies from girls in a similar position, all of whom battled on and at least got some eggs, if not a BFP.  It's really helped as apparently there is a blood test you can have to see if the follicles you have contain any eggs.  So I'm going to ask them if they can do that on Tuesday.  Dh and I both really want to carry on.  So Cinders I love you.  And Susie, you have been so lovely too!  What would I do without you all?  Lainey and Missyb if you get a chance will you pm me your mobiles too!  

So Sunday, and I'm back up off the floor like the peperami advert shouting "Come back and finish me off!" as I pull my half eaten body along the floor!  Down but not out!

Will post properly again soon.

Love to you all!  Thank you!
Pand


----------



## reetpetite

oh pand, dont know much about ivf so dont really know what to say, but it aint over til its over. lots of     to you!


----------



## madison

Pand,

                    I have written a on your Peers post.

                    It really does only take 1 & Miles is proof of that. I only got 2 follies with him, both had
                    eggs & 1 fertilized & he's running round my feet as I write this  

                    Katy. xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hello to everyone...missyb hows you I had my Lap 2 days after you so comparing symptoms....

...to everyone.....

Pand - Ive Pm'd ...xxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies how are we today??

hi gabs... ive pm'd you. how are you doing??

hi suzy.. hope youre ok sweety.. i pm'd you to (i have been a busy bee!)

hi pand... big hugs to you hun   and guess what ?? ive pm'd you too!! lol

hi cinders.. how is it going hun? any news?

hi tuck...   it must be so hard after what you've been through to think about bms again even though getting a bfp is what you want.. it makes you feel like you are going mad.. but you're not you are just scared hun.

hi reetpetite... good luck for next thur   


right thats it for me as im starting to feel like a post lunch siesta! 

hi to anyone else i havent mentioned such as honeyprincess,emilycaitlin,gayn,dizzy,kateag.

hi to all the newbies! cant wait to get to know you all better!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all ok?

Not much to report for me. Had a nice weekend with dd, we met up with friend yestarday and had a picnic and a big walk! We must be mad, but it was nice to have a day without rain, and to be able to get some fresh air!!
Been catching up in house with ironing, yuc! etc. Boring!!
Off to meet my friend tomorrow, the one I sort of fell out with re her insensitive comments. We have written to each other and made up, but tomorrow is first time we will see each other, it will be hard for me to see her bump, but I am going to try my very best to be a good friend and be pleased for her. I might be crying in the car on the way home though!!  Who am I kidding? I WILL be crying on the way home!!! So wish me luck girls!!

Missyb, how's your tummy?
Gab, how's _your_ tummy?!

Reetpetite, LOVED your reply re position and cervical mucous!!!!   Good on ya girl!
Also the 'play' you wrote re getting dh to have  was sheer genius! Loved it!!

Suszy, hadn't thought about the meet in Stratford. Might be a good oppurtunity. Where is the info on it? Anyone else going? Will we all have to wear badges with our ff names on?!

Wendeth, hope you are doing ok hun?   

Lainey, miss you sweety. Here to listen, or just be quiet with, whatever... 
By vu way sweehart, I fink I must be fick yeah. your english was brill,you genious or summink? will defo ask you next time i av probs wiv me tenses. Ta very much luv. I owe ya!

Pand,            
                                          
A little follie dance,
All together everyone, 1,2,3,
"Grow follies grow, Grow follies grow..........."

Hey Whippet, Tuck, Bubblicious and Jo!  Please give me time to get to know you. I can be a bit slow off the mark sometimes!!! 

Hey Kateag, you too busy shopping hun? 

Nanook you to busy pole dancing?!!!  

Our second Lainey!! You still out there? 

I need to go and check if EmilyCaitlin, Hi Em, hope you don't mind me shortening your name? Finger hurting, too much typo!!! Welcome back . Yes I need to go and check to see if you have updated the list so that I can get my head round everyone!!!

I have no doubt that I have missed people, and for that I am sorry! 
But    to all,

Love Cinders
xxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Good Idea Cinders.....         
                                                               

.....now go and eat TEN EGGS Pand and drink TEN PINT pints of milk........xxxxxxxx .....


----------



## lainey-lou

Pand honey, I have pm'd you.  Here is my fertility dance:

              

          

There, that should do it!

Cinders - good luck tomorrow, I hope it goes ok.  Text me if it all gets too much, my phone will be on standby.  

Missy - I feel left out - no pm and not even a mention!  I've never been so insulted 

Susie - how you doing?  

Reetpetite - i also loved the play wot you wrote, very funny.  And the retort for nosey people, I will have to remember that one, I would love to see them squirm  

Wendeth  

Gab - hope you are recovering well   


Tuck    It is so hard isn't it?  My DD would love a little brother and it breaks my heart that she can't have one, especially when the hospital told me that my last m/c was a boy  

Kate - stop shopping and do a bit more posting, you are getting yourself quite a reputation  

Hi to Whippet, Jo, Honeyprincess and EC  

Gayn, Chimer, Nanook, Lainey2, Lyndalou - where are you all?  Hope you are ok.  

Dizzy - it was good to hear from you.  Take care of yourself.  

I am plodding really.  DH and I are not getting on very well at the moment, I think the pressure is finally getting to us.  He is going to India with work for 7-10 days on Wednesday so I am hoping absence will make the heart grow fonder  

Spending a lot of time on ******** at the moment.  Please join some of you, I want more friends.  Cinders, go on, you join, please, pretty please  

Going to check my inbox now  

Lainey x


----------



## reetpetite

well hello ladies, 

Lainey, sorry that you and dh are going through a rough patch. this FTC b*llocks is tough on our relationships  

cinders, i hope that tomorrow goes as well as it can.

and     to all!

went to my dads today and he kept trying to ply me with drink, how do i explain that his little girl cant drink because a few days ago she and his son in law  so she might just be knocked up  ?


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
Have part posted this as lap top playing up.
Hope you have all had a good weekend,  mine has been quite good, spent part of it in two different play barns trying to sort out ds bday party, have the same problem each year working out what to do. Have had a few wines and bit choc and crisps and seem tohave put a few pounds on so need to get back on the bandwagon.

Pand - so hope those follies are growing as we type and glad you got some good supportive messages thats brill and dont give up yet
          hope these help

Lainey-Lou - have been tempted by ******** but think its very time consumming - Ang is on it so you could try and find her on there!
sorry you and dh not getting on too well - i do think it puts a lot of pressure on and hopefully as you say a bit of time a part might be good for you!!  I am doing good thanks and even though only been once to the two counsellors have a good feeling about it. I do  lot of anaylsing and thinking in my head but its quite nice to have some help too.

Cinders - good luck tomorrow sweetheart.  The walk and picnic sounded fun.  Good luck tomorrow with that friend.  I will put the thread on here - its under FF meet ups

reet - I love your shortenings of words they are brill and your retort to people asking if fab - you really need to post that one on pands annoying questions thread - good luck for rest of 2ww.  Re your dad plying you with drink - why not take one when he offers it and ask for drink of water as well and just drink the acholic one slowly, or tell him you are pacing yourself and have water to begin with, or say you are trying to drink 8 glasses of water a day as its good for one and or tx?  I dont think one would do you much harm esp at this stage.

Wendeth - hope you are doing ok  

Gab - hope that you are doing ok and full recovered?

nanook - you have gone very quiet - do hope that you are ok darling and not done anything drastic without telling us!

chimer where are you

gayn hope you are ok sweetie and things are better at home for you.

EC hope you are doing ok honey

HOney princess = good to hear from you, look after yourself sweetheart

kate sweetie you really have got a reputation you need to come back and get a diff one!

tuck - so glad you enjoyed cparcs - we go in about three weeks - its a great hol but I know what you mean about those bumps and babes - of course I was supposed to be the former but at least I can go into the spa now.  Glad you had fun though and sorry it was so upsetting.  Well done on the job front, never understand why people have to reapply for their own jobs!  Thanks for your understanding comments re the test.  I also know exactly what you mean about avoiding the fertile times sometimes just because you are tired, fed up and scared and at least if you dont do it you dont have to get your hopes up and then dashed when af arrived.  I tell you one of the good things about ivf is not have a period since oct and knew that was coming and for the months before we not really try so you dont expect to get preg and it feels so much better.

bubblicious hope you are ok?

Jo thanks for your post and nice comments, glad your appt not too far away.  I would definitely book some counselling esp if the Dr has offered it, I have come to the conclusion that no one can have too much and if its free then go for it, to be honest I wish I had followed up after my second one and not left it so long to see someone when I was down but then I was seeing her but she was the trainee and there were lots of gaps and she probably did me good.
I bacame a charter member last year by paying #20 a year wanted to give something back and when i rejoined this year ( a bit early) I got a pen and wrist band - again if you look under charter membership- you will find info on it - it does take a while to get around
luckily have a few months to go yet before my bday and dh has given me a budget for all the bdays and might have blown most of it on ds bday, really would just like a nice meal anyway even at home and some champers but its on a monday which not much fun.  I will post the link for the may meet up, or you can go and look under fertility meet up.

lyndnalou - good luck with the tests

missby - glad you had a chilling day - nice when you have one of those.

lainey2 how are you feeling - good luck hope you not too nervous

whippet- hope you had a good weekend

right I am going to send everyone a few bubbles
hope that you are all ok and love to you all 

love
susie


----------



## Jo1983

Morning everyone,

Hope you've all had a great weekend  

I'm off work until Wed night so am at home watching Jeremy Kyle. Suppose I should really get the cleaning and ironing done, I'm sure a quick post wont hurt. At least I haven't got my dh nagging to have the laptop back today as he's been doing all wkend!

Pand; I don't really know much about IVF as I'm not that far along in my tx yet. Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and there's always a chance, it only takes 1. Here's another dance for you to help those follies grow. 
         
           

Whippet; thanks for your kind post. Hope you're ok. My pct won't fund any treatment at all   so I'm considering going for the tubal surgery first but I'm not too positive about it working...if not it will be IVF and hopefully I can donate some of my eggs to bring the cost down if I fit the protocol that is....bit confused at the mo about things. Take care  

Susie; hope you're feeling bit more positive about everything, so glad the counselling is helping. Thanks for answering all my questions, I don't feel so thick now   
You'll have to drop some hints about your b'day...then again hints never seem to work with my dh. It's nice just to stay in and have a nice meal and a bit of pampering, you deserve it  

Reetpetite; stop making me laugh...it hurts. Love the reply to those nosy people.....do you have anymore? Hope you are well and staying positive in your 2ww. Take care   

Cinders; glad you had a nice wkend, picnic and walk sounds very nice and relaxing, just what you need. Hopefully we'll get to know each other better. Good luck today with meeting your friend. Hope it all goes well  

Gab and Missy; Hope you are both recovering well  

Lainey; hope you are well and have had a good wkend  

Hi to everyone else...not got to grips with everyone yet  

Take care all and have a great week.   

Jo xxx


----------



## reetpetite

Hi, hope everyones well. I know im missing people off (and i apologise) but i have the attention span of george bush jnr in a library and still dont know everyone yet, but thank you again for making me feel so welcome. I love it here!

Jo: cant believe your PCT wont fund you (mines the same tho, b*stards) but egg share might be an option. ps, nothing wrong with choosing jeremy over housework. i do it every day! 

suszy: i hate planning birthday parties. i always get stressed and end up spending too much. this year we are having it at a railway station, as if my life isnt dominated by trains already! thanks for the tip re alcohol, i have a tendancy to over-react (*reets dh* no, surely not? 

Pand: good luck for tomorrow, been wishing those follies along!

Cinders: hope todays ok, and you have fun.

Lainey: Im on ******** too. i heart scrabbulous, tis v addictive. if you want to pm me I shall give you my name!

well, freaking a bit about thursday. im worried sick that they will find something wrong, but even more scared that they won't. after all my bravado im so scared of being pg again (even though i want it so badly) and dont know how this is happening. im sick of people telling me to relax, be grateful for the one i have, its natures way.  

still, might be pg. my boobs hurt (though i do keep prodding them to see if they're bigger)

speak later xx


----------



## Jo1983

Lainey and Reetpetite; I'm also on ********, if you want to pm me I will give you my name too x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Pand - please don't cry, it makes me feel sad.  Here's a little follie dance from me too..                    . Hope that works. I think it must be hard for the nurses to remain sensitive to everyone's feelings because they're dealing with it everyday.  It's easier for them to take a long term view than us, but at least they were positive in terms of future.  Anyway it does only take one!!!  Hope you're feeling better today, all the best for scan tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is ok.  Hope appointment goes well lainey07.

Well, I've officially started tx now. Had baseline scan on sat which was fine and had first injection today.  I did it myself which I was very proud of as when I was having ovulation induction I went in for them! (I know all of you who've been doing IVF will think that's ridiculous but I only had to have 3 injections so didn't see the point of stressing myself out doing it myself!!!)  Anyway next scan is on friday so hope to have a few follies but not too many - 4 maximum apparently. Last time I had 3 so that would be good again.  Not sure how to feel about this treatment, want to be positive but I know the % success is low and that it'll probably take a few goes at least.  Also dh not want to do ivf so it's this or nothing! 

Anyway, must go and do some ironing or something!

speak soon

Faithful xxx


----------



## missyb

[fly]                     GO FOLLIES GO FOLLIES!!! YAY!!!


----------



## angel83

Hi ladies

I just want to introduce myself. I have a Son aged 2. Hes amazing.

However since he was born we have been TTC no 2. No time wasted there lol.

I have been on Clomid this past 4 months and to be honest i took my AF today and im totally gutted. 

I feel so bad for feeling this way when i already have Jack. I cannot stop crying at all. 

I feel terrible. Anyone else ever felt this way?

Angel83


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Angel, its Gab....try to think of the positives honey....but allow yourself to cry because if you bottle it all up, it will just make you feel worse....do you talk to dh about things...xx


----------



## cinders35

Helo all, 
Just a quicky...

Angel, you are not alone. I have felt like that every failed month of ttc au naturel and each treatment  
It is  very hard.
We understand.  

Just to let you know it went really well making up with my friend today. We gossiped just like usual, and built our bridges! The bump thing was ok, just really want one of my own, as do you guys!!!  

Sorry no more time, love ya!

Cindersxxx


----------



## angel83

Thank you so much Gab & cinders

Im feeling better already readying through this thread...


----------



## missyb

hi pand hope the folly dance didnt make you too dizzy.. i have to admit after re-looking at the msg i do feel a bit icky.

hi lainey-lou..... im soooooooooooooooooo sorry i missed you off hun.  it so wasnt intentional.. (im grovelling BIG time on bended knee) how are you hun? what day did we decide to have a catch up on the phone?

hi susie.. i will pm you in a tick did you get anything booked for ds' b'day? i could so do with getting back on the band wagon of eating properly and doing some exercise.. i need to lose a stone before june (me & dp's holiday alone!!)

hi reetpetite... george bush in a library!! lmao! dont panic about thursday hun     i think we all get the panic about either getting pg or not getting pg.. both seem equally terrifying.

hi lainey2 how are you doing hun?

hi faithful... good luck with your tx's let us know how you get on   

hi jo1983.. tee hee my trick is spray a bit of air freshner and shove some bleach down the loo and dp is none the wiser!! lmao!

hi cinders.. how are you doing hun? glad it went well with your friend. im due to go to a baby shower on thursday... im dreading it.. all of the girls know i  have been trying for a baby and i'll either get a)pity or b) you'll be next type comments or c) be thankful for what you have... hmmm the only do-able solution is to get hammered eat my body weight in dips and breadsticks! i'll then go home and have dp holding my hair out of the way while i barf iceland country vegetable mix for england!! maybe i should stay at home and watch re-runs!!!

welcome angel.. aw hun im so sorry af arrived.. she is such a b i t c h isnt she.. unfortunatley we all know how you feel. the girls on here are fab and are a sanity saver.  



hi to all of those who i have missed.. soooooooo sorry lainey-lou that i missed you yesterday i feel soooo  


much love to all


amanda


----------



## *Lollipop*

Good for you Cinders.....I feel like that every time I see my friends at work..  ...we'll get there.... 

Angel like Cinders said its a feeling that is shared by us all....Ive done clomid so I know how...c**p it makes you feel sometimes i think you are better off ttc naturally than taking that...!!! but im no expert...its always horrible when we have a negative result honey... ...tomorrow is another day just got to get through today..have u thought about acupuncture..that has helped me along the way I know you have wee Jack...but its something that could help you relax..xxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Missy, hows you.... ...i still cant get my belly button ring in...got a question to ask....i have leakage yes...TMI...leakage like AF which is like over a week now...dont remember this last time, well there was spotting but nothing like this when I last had my lap...Gynae unit said ok..but Im keeping Superdrug in business here...and running out of Andrex........ 

Hows about you?


----------



## *Lollipop*

Anyway love to all......................take extra special care....

Pand....                         .........................bit more for you...take care...   ....


----------



## missyb

hi gabs... its weird because when i hap my lap i was midway through my cycle and i really thought that the lap would move everything forward.. but as it happens apart from green wee for 2 days and a bit of spotting, im back to normal... im sure af is due in a couple of days and i think it will be the af from hell!! where were you in your cycle when you had your lap


amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

emmmm,.....well it was one week into my cycle, spotted for a day then full ahead ted...wasnt peeing green though...wonder if they had catheterised me before hand..... ...


----------



## missyb

oh.. so did you have a full on bleed or just heavy spotting? it must be so horrible hun. the green was because of the blue dye they put thru? tee hee i have far too much belly for a belly button ring.. noone would ever find it!


amanda xx


----------



## reetpetite

hello all!

gabrielle, never had a lap & dye (but had HSG) when will you get the results?

ciders, glad today went well. sounds like you handled it fantastically

Lainey, how was consultant?

Angel, totally understand what you mean. you are in the right place tho. Im new here too, and everyone is sooooo nice!

missyb, thanks for the reassurance, worst case scenario they cant find anything wrong. best case, get up there to find im already knocked up and we can start treatment straight away!

Pand, how are you doing?

faithfully, sending you loads of    

apologies for anyone I've missed.

spent all day organising equipment for my case studies (holistic therapies course) and bit annoyed coz I cant have ANY treatments from now until after either ^aunty flow^ comes or at least til we know whether clomid is the next step. so i get to feel like a freak at college too. everyone else gets treated and because of my obs history i'm too risky. still , cant moan, every little help as Sybil Fawltey says!


----------



## lainey-lou

Woo hoo!  32 friends


----------



## reetpetite

lol i always forget who people are!


----------



## bubblicous

hey angel

sorry to here af turned up damm her fingers crossed for next month try and keep your chin up honey i know it hard


----------



## bubblicous

hey all

im on a week off work and im in positive mode the now today i spent afternoon with my friend and her baby whilst mine were at school and nursery 

then i came home cooked a lovely family meal and clean my house

hoping to decorate at some point this week too 

got the hospital on friday morning to have day 21 blood done fun eh then hopefully will start my clomid about the 10th of feb


----------



## bubblicous

maent to say only heard you should have another 3 times today so not to bad seems to be all people can say to me just now


----------



## SUSZY

evening girls
hope you are all ok
quite busy on here too
I went into school today to do a numarcy learn direct course, have always had a weakness in that area, it was quite good but my brain ached from all the assessments.  It seems my literacy was not as good as I thought.  I blame too many texts and too many quick posts on here! Might try and improve my typing!

Lainey-lou - well done on getting so many friends - bet you have loads from FF!!!

lainey2 - good luck for next week

faithful - had seen you posting on another thread - was going to pm you or leave message - anyway good luck sweethear and nice to have you back

Cinders - think I might call you Ciders from know on - it was a typo by reet (like I have loads) and think its suits!

Reet - good luck with your course, quite fancied doing some of them myself, shame you cannot take advantage of some of them, sorry did not mean to go on about drinking its just as you know in the normal world we dont know for weeks and somtimes think a glass might not do any harm.  good luck thursday

pand              follies dance - come on your follies come on you follies      

Angel - sorry about Af and do tend to agree with Gab about that terrible clommid it mucked me up something rotten and I was so tearful.

Gab - hope you get completely better soon, some of those s effects dont sound too goo

missby - you make me laugh so much - you are so funny! so hope the baby shower goes ok - why not try reets reply re the mucus and positions!!!!! joking apart hope it goes well.  love your tips on house work too

jo - think we all deserve a little sit down sometimes and missys tips sound good!

whippet and tuck    hope you are ok

ec hope you are ok

chimer  

nanook  

kateag  

bubblicious  

wendeth  

dizzylou  

lyndalou  

gayn  

honeyprincess = hope you are doing ok sweetheart

love to everyone else
must go as ds talking in his sleep and thought his temp might be going up before.
take care
love
susie


----------



## whippet

Hi Folks

Hope everyone doing ok.

Good luck to all our ladies in waiting.

  to those who got BFN this month hang in there better times are coming x

To all waiting to start treatment enjoy the break it will be here before you know it.

To all in 2ww rest rest rest fingers are crossed for you all.

To all D/R like me hope you keeping ok I getting more teary each day, boobs are huge and cramp and headache and some nausea at times. DH said to me earlier before he went out on night shift I shouldnt have had the jag if I didnt want side effects bless his understanding socks.

Take Care 

Whippet x


----------



## bubblicous

whippet men they are so lovely eh


----------



## *Lollipop*

Pand......!......                 ...............say no more....... Gabxxxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Just lost a long post so am trying to do it on my lap-top now as I think my computer is too slow for some reason!

Angel - welcome, sorry you're feeling so down at mo. I think somebody else mentioned acupuncture, I've been doing it for over a year now and it's really helped me. Might be worth a try.

Gabrielle and missyb - green wee and leakage, ugghh.. you poor things. Sounds horrid!

Susie - Thanks for thinking of me.  Been a bit busy over the weekend.  How are you?  Are you still waiting test results? I've lost track a bit where you are with it all.  I hope you're still feeling a bit more positive about the frosties.  Thinking of you still.

Pand - how are you doing? Hope the Follie dances helped a bit!  Hope all goes Ok with next scan.

Bubblicious - Can't believe how many times people ask if you're having another one!  It must be because you've got two and not one.  I've gone past that stage now as dd is 5, now people just ask 'why have you only got one?' like it's the sort of information that i'm going to share with them!! The other week this woman I'd only just met at my nieces birthday party asked how many children I had and why had i only got one.  She said 'hasn't it happened?'  To which I replied 'no'.  She then informed me that it had only happened once for her too but that she had twins!  This obviously made me feel much better!!!!


   to everyone else.

Hope I don't lose this post

Here goes............................

Faithful xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

It worked!!!     Lap-top from now on then!!


----------



## *kateag*

Hiya girlies!!

Sorry I've not been very good with posting, but I have been reading on you all!

Its just a flying one as I'm getting ready to collect boo from school, and we have gymbobs later! Hope everyone is ok. Big   to everyone!!!

xxxx


----------



## bubblicous

ffh people just dont think at all do they 


luckily today i havent been asked    yay


----------



## missyb

[fly]HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!


----------



## reetpetite

hello, OMG, just treated my first case study at college (reflexology) and my tutor thinks i'm ready for assessment!! she knows that I want to specialise in Infertility and pregnant/post-natal women and she thinks that I should specialise in reflexology!

form an orderly queue ladies!

Suzsy, dont worry about it. Im just ultra cautious now.

Whippet, aren't men pants? they complain bitterly about ghaving to w*nk into a pot, then sniff at us if we dare complain that the hormones/injections/having dye shoved into our uteruses are getting us down!

faithfully, well done for sorting laptop!

bubblicious, why are some people so fecking nosey? do they really only have time to wonder about our sex life?

Missyb, <insert tunelessful singing> happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear missyb-eeeeeeeeeeeee
happy birthdaaaaaayy tooooouoooo youuuuuuuuuuu 

off now, assignments to write!
toodle pip
L x


----------



## missyb

HI LADIES! (oops caps lock off please!) well grand old age of 35! i feel a bit like time is running out.. had a falling out with dp who kinda said happy birthday in passing on his way out to work. anyway my friend saved the day and swept me off for lunch and bought me flowers (which im going to tell dp are from an admirer!! lol  ) 

hi susie.. thank you for the text sweetheart! how are you? how is ds? numeracy course? i soooo could do with something like that.. maths just seems to be like another language to me! i think the language part of my brain works ok.. the maths part of my brain is situations vacant!!

hi kateag.. fab to hear from you hun! how are you?

hi whippet how are you feeling today? how are the (o) (o) and headaches? how much longer are you d/r-ing for?

hi pand.. thoughts are with you hun xx

hi lainey-lou... how are you hun? you know im worried about you hun xx  

hi faithful.. how are you sweetie?? lol.. you'll be glad to know that the green wee is no longer

hi gabs... belly ring on yet?? lol xx

hi cinders... how are you love?

hi reetpetite... good luck for thursday hun xx hey fab news on your reflexology... pick me pick me!!!

hi lainey2,honeyprincess,emily-caitlin, jo1983 and anyone else who ive missed but still love loads!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

reetpetite said:


> bubblicious, why are some people so fecking nosey? do they really only have time to wonder about our sex life?


i know i do wonder that myself


----------



## bubblicous

missy b 

happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


----------



## missyb

awww thank you bubblicious!!

btw have you seen the thread pand did a while ago about the things that people say? it's quite therapeutic to get it all down..i have to admit i was amazed at how fecking tactless (lol) people can be and just nosey, insensitive or just downright rude people can be!!!


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Missyb - 35 is still young don't worry - I'll be joining you there next year!!!!!


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ps
reetpetite - what course are you doing? I've been thinking about doing something like that. Well done on your treatment, it sounds like you're a natural!!

Faithful x


----------



## missyb

awww thank you hun xxx   

hi pand.. have just read your diary sweety... how did it go.. after reading your diary i felt so anxious.. please post when you are feeling up to it hun xx


amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

....................HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD BAG........................ 

Only Joking...oh when I was 35... ...have a lovely day sweetie.....xxxxxxlove to the family..xxxxxx

Pand - Your in my thoughts... ... 

Love and luck to everyone....xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

lol you cheeky moo!!! how are you today hun


amanda xx


----------



## whippet

Missyb           , a fellow Aquarian! Its my birthday tomorrow and if you old at 35 there is no hope for me  at soon to be38 oh god! Headaches better today but I could give Dolly Parton a run for her money. Hoping AF arrives soon next appt 7 feb so need it done and dusted by then.

Hope everyone doing ok hang  in there folks we are a mad bunch.

Take Care

Whippet x


----------



## moominemma

Wishing you a very happy birthday Missyb, 35 is not so bad!

Emma x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Whippet - 38 is FINE...im 38................ 

Im ok thks missy....hopefully bleeding trailed off now...sorry TMI....Ive lost my tv to xbox live and halo 3... ......i cant say anything either cause hes got this headset on...... ..........
Its good fun...im trying to sneak on for a go..but hes not having it.....
so is is champers tonight then sweetie...afterall yr not working tomorrow....


----------



## missyb

awww thank you girls!! you have cheered me up!!

hi whippet!! a fellow aquarian!! dp is an aquarian, my dad is, my mum was, and one of my best friends is too!    for tomorrow!!! sorry the (o) (o) situation is no better hun but glad the headaches are easing!
COME ON AF!! its funny when we want her to come she doesnt and vice versa... she really is a cow!

hey gabs... you are preaching to the choir with the xbox hun!! dp's xbox has had to go back to microsoft for repair.. he is suffering from seperation anxiety! for xmas i bought call of duty 4, assassins creed and and add on to oblivion.. i couldve saved some £ as he loves call of duty 4 and only plays that!!! im an xbox widow!!

amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi moominemma!! how could i miss you off eh? how are you hun


i think you're right.. 35 isnt too bad. its just a number. i think im just feeling negative in general... 

amanda xx


----------



## reetpetite

lol at xbox widow. dh plays champioship manager on the pc, all the fecking time!


----------



## bubblicous

hey missyb

i havent seen that will need to have a wee look at that tonite though tonite is a good tv nite   and im loving being on holiday normally im at my work at this time so it makes such a change to be at home and making dinner etc etc


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls
you chatter boxes!!

mooninemma - how are you sweetheart - think I have missed you off too - hope you are doing ok let us know what you up to

pand          you can do , you will do it, we are here for you.

reet/missby - I feel like a WII widow as dh and ds addicted to it!!!  I have said no to xbox and all the other stuff and just cannot believe all the bloody games you get with this dont mind the sports one but some of the other rubbish that just eats your time.

          
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MISSBY/AMANDA 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU 

Missby - would give anything to be 35 again - I really really would! you try being 43 going on 44 - I just dont believe it !!!

          
FOR TOMORROW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR WHIPPET
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU 
Whippet - sorry re the headaches and good luck for appt on 7th

Gab     

Hi kateag - glad you are doing ok sweetheart - come back and post soon

bubblicious - noticed your other thread - you must have a look at Pands as it makes you laugh!

Faithful - I no worries I know how hard to keep up - I go back on 4th feb although not sure what for as thought was results of tests on beanie but when I asked last Fri when i was there for counselling they had not had results and were chasing for me so hopefully when I go this fri i will ask again and she will chase as really want to get them on Mon 4th and not sure if they will do any tests for me then or get me to come back to the recurrent m/c think it all depends if I get the same registrar again - it makes all the diff getting a good connection with someone - I really feel that three seems to be the magic number and so much is falling into place now as they are taking me seriously. Will keep you posted.

reet - fab news re the reflexology - think its brill and can I be near the front of the queue!!

nanook - where are you, how are you, please send me as pm as would love to talk to you

HI to all you other lovely girls Cinders or should I say ciders the Laineys,honeyprincess, gayn, jo, chimer  EC, angel
just did a long post the other day you know I all care about you and wish you the best of luck
have had a very interesting day had a good med session and interesting afternoon.
take care my lovelies
love
susie


----------



## Pand

Just a quickie! Hi to everyone and thank you all for your lovely support over the last few days!

Missyb - Is it your birthday?  Have a lovely one hun!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Scan today showed 3 mature follies, 3 nearly there and one cyst.  Have been warned by clinic may not get any eggs, but we are going ahead and EC is on Thursday at 7.15am.  Have done the trigger shot, so this hurdle is now cleared!  EC here we go!  Keep everything crossed for me!

Love to you all.

Pand


----------



## reetpetite

oh pand, everything crossed! *come on eggs, let's be 'avin' ya!*

suzsy, once i had my 3rd mc they started taking us seriously, and i got a referral quite quickly. which clinic are you under? i was under RSH in shropshire but have just moved to LWH and they're fab!


----------



## *Lollipop*

.....Way to go Pand, youve done the trigger so no looking back now....        

In the lap of the Gods now sweetie, youve done all you can, have a wee glass of red  for your lining and take it easy now.....(I know Im a bad influence)......take extra special care..

        ..for EC Thursday..xxxxxxx


----------



## angel83

Hi Girls

Gabrielle - After such an awful day yesterday i called my consultant today and told him that i was going to stop Clomid as it was driving me Crazy .

So he asked me to try Tamoxifen 20mg day 2 - day 6 of cycle. Dont know much about this drug, all i seem to be able to find out is that it is used to treat breast cancer too.

But onwards and upwards, im really excited about starting this new drug. Its lifted my spirits amazingly. I needed something. I had an awful day yesterday.

Hi Pand - Thats great hun, i have been following you diary.

Hi Suzy - I have followed your diary faithfully. Your story inspired me. Im so sorry for your loss. Its an awful thing to go through. My baby would now be due on the 20th March 08 and i always hoped id be Pregnant before then, so as i could cope a little better. 

Angel83


----------



## reetpetite

oh angel, thats good news, hope that this is the one for you!


----------



## angel83

Thanks Mrs, hope all works out for you soon.


----------



## *Lollipop*

Dear angel,

Im really glad you are feeling more positive now.... ...these fert drugs do wierd things to us sometimes...its better to sort things out than suffer in silence..Im also really pleased that you have un understanding cons...It does help.....Good luck sweetie...take care.....


----------



## bubblicous

good afternoon ladies xx and hugs all around


dh and i had a heart to heart last night to do with my sis wedding in sept im bmaid and my mum had asked me not to get pregant before it as otherwise the dress wont fit and this is the 2nd dress shes had to buy due to my bridezilla sister


anywhos i suggested puting of the clomid taking as my mum scares me i know funny eh im a grown woman and still my mum scares me

well dh went nuts he said hes waited long enough for a baby and he doesnt want to put off any treatment just because of a damm wedding and my mother


he then went on about how he wants nothing more than to lie in bed with me at night and feel our baby moving around inside me

and how he wanst to strip our baby off to its nappy and take his top off and lie on the couch with their skins touching each other

i was almost in tears

i mean i knew he wanted ababy but i didnt know how much i thought really he just wanted to make me happy but no he really wants a little me and him i was so touched

so its full steam ahead with the clomid hopefully af will be here next week so we can get started and if i get pregnant then they will just need to deal with it


anyway hope you are all well today 

im loaded with the cold but i feel great think it had to do with the little chat last night though not managed to get any decorating done yet as my mum aint to well so im at hers looking after her though shes sleeping just now hence why im here

xxxxxxx bubblicous xxxxxx


----------



## bubblicous

oh lainey 

thanks so much hunni for your kind words ur a wee star good luck for the 5th babes i will be thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## whippet

Thanks for the birthday wishes looks like it will be a quiet one as hubby has vomit bug poor spud.

Hope you all ok.

Wish AF would hurry up.

Whippet x


----------



## reetpetite

evening ladies, happy birthday whippet, sorry its a bit pants!

bubblicious, glad you are pushing ahead with the clomid. its only one fecking day, this is the rest of your life and WAAAAAYYYY more important.

well, so scared about tomorrow, got my sample pot, and dont tell dh, but bought a HPT while i was there. boobs are still agony (gone up 2 sizes in a week!) but had a bit of backache the last few days. dont know what to think or expect. i really hope Mr F can help us. 
love to all!
Lx


----------



## bubblicous

hey reetpetite 

thats it right on the head my mum did say though that i couldnt be her bmaid if i got pregnant though i think it was just hot air plus its up tp my sister 

though the way shes turned into a bridezilla not sure if i want the job anymore  

i swear if i hear about how awful she thinks my shoes are once more i may shove the shoes where the sun dont shine on her not to mention the tiara and dress talk shes driving me  

in her world though the wedding is the most important thing where as in mine having a baby is 

my sis did suggest we wait and try to get pregnant together though she gets pregnant at the drop of a hat shes been pregnant twice 1st ended in mc 2nd gave her a gorg son and both times it happened in their 1st month of trying

so i dont really fancy waiting and her telling me shes pregnant after one month it would break my heart

i told her i still may not be pregnant when she and her H start trying for no 2


anyway its decided and were going forward with the clomid


----------



## reetpetite

good for you!


----------



## missyb

[fly]            whippet!!!!!


----------



## missyb

just a quicky from me tonight ladies as im pooped! im praying for strength as i have a baby shower to go to tomorrow night..
promise i will do personals and catch up.


love you all


amanda xx


----------



## whippet

Thanks everbody for you good wishes its like having an extended family. Certaintly been a different birthday. Wish AF would hurry up my chst is going to explode.

Thanks Again everyone

Whippet x


----------



## Wendeth

AGH 7 pages to read since i was last able to log on.... am so so so tired now and have to sleep and can't read them right now. AND i so-o-o-o want to! 

Thank you each and everyone for your wonderful PUPO messages - i feel so blessed to know you all.   

I will try to get back in soon now DS has started at his new school today and all our furniture arrived today so i have a bed to sleep in tonight instead of a manky mattress that i've had for the last 4 nights, and do some personals. but for now, all's well apart from some cramping today.

only 5 days to wait... feels like a lifetime.

Wendeth


----------



## bubblicous

Wendeth  good luck when u test hunni


----------



## nanook

Hello lovely people

Sorry I havent been around for a little bit..  I havent time right now to read everything Ive missed but will try later - just wanted you to know Im still here and everythings fine - am trying to sort things out with dh.. havent started the pole dancing yet prob next week now as the girl was ill  - hope you guys are all ok.. 
Love to you all

Sarah

xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Nanook - Hi, nice to hear from you, all the best with trying to sort marriage out. 

Wendeth - glad move went well, nice to hear from you.  I'm sure it's taken your mind off things a bit which can only be a good thing.  All the best for testing.

Pand - hope it went well this morning. I was thinking of you. If you'd been there yesterday I might have bumped into you!!

Suszy - Glad you're feeling a bit more positive about things. I hope that they've got some results for you when you see the consultant on mon.  All this waiting around and wondering just drives you mad doesn't it.  And like you say a 3rd mc makes them take you more seriously, so hopefully you might find out more about that too.

bubblicious - family eh! what a nightmare,are you really going to care that you can't be a bridesmaid because you're pregnant? no of course not! And as for waiting for your sister, bad idea, my sister has popped out 3 babies since I had my 1! Your fella sounds lovely, it just goes to show that they do care and think about it more than they let on. We were watching 'friends' the other day and had got to the episode where Phoebe has triplets. Dh said he didn't want to watch that one, had to watch another none baby related one!!

Anyway I've got my scan in the morning to see how follies are growing. Looking forward to it but worried there'll be too many/too few! Just wait and see I guess. I've been chatting on the IUI thread and 1 girl got bfp today and another one got a bfn. At least it does work I guess!!

Faithful xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

ps booked skiing holiday, which seems somewhat bizarre as if treatment works then I won't be able to ski. However, i figured that I'm more likely to not be pregnant, so at least I'll have something to look forward to if/when get bfn!
Also dh is going to be away with work right in the middle of what I worked out would be my next cycle so will have to have a break for a month anyway.


----------



## reetpetite

just a quick one. will be back to do pm's later, bit stressed.

went to LWH today for test results, and theres nothing wrong with me, nowt, zip, nada. apart from all the mc's that is. he seems to think that the mc is happening at a cellular level. so from the moment of conception something goes wrong. 

i qualify for a killer cells test, so dh and i have decided that, if the next pg doesnt work out we will take it. I have a 71% chance of a successful pg next time, not great, but not bad. he doesnt see any need for heparin, im to stop taking the asprin and just keep trying. 

Mr F was lovely, & seemed vv positive. my bones aren't great. seems the anorexia has taken its toll a bit, but its not dreadful. when I get pg again im to bypass the gp and go straight up there. i can also have the next baby at LWH if i wish.

so fingers crossed please!


----------



## bubblicous

ffh that was nice he didnt wanna watch that my dh is the same

he was a rock the past month or so as so many friends and family have announced bumps and i have been gutted each time and each time he was there to pick me up he is a star


spent today looking after my mum shes still no well have blood to be done tomorrow so off to the maternity unit where i run the risk of bumping into so many people and have to explain im not pregnant fingers crossed no one else is out that early


xxxx to all


----------



## Pand

Just a quickie, will do personals tomorrow.  5 eggs today!  So pleased, more than we hoped for!  Now we wait to see if they have fertilised.  Please god!  Speak tomorrow everyone!

Love pand


----------



## cinders35

Well done you clever girl!!!!  

Keep up the mantra!

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi All

I had a dream last night I was pregnant - woke up and actually thought I was then the harsh reality set in....  I now realise by how gutted I was that in fact I do want another one probably more than anything!...!!  god why is this all so tough..  if Im not preggers by the end of the year Im gonna seriously consider IVF.  Better start saving hey!!   

Hope everyones ok - good luck Pand babe x


----------



## bubblicous

pand weel done and good luck xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Just a quick one tonight, it has taken me soooo long to catch up on all the posts I haven't got much time to post myself.

Pand - yay!!!!! 5 eggs is great.  Well done clever girl, text me and let me know how you are doing.  

Missy - I didn't know it was your birthday    I missed it.    (belated).  I hope the baby shower is bearable    Looking forward to our chat tomorrow.

Whippet   to you too.

Cinders - how are you lovie?  Long time no speak.  Hope you are ok.

Wendeth - Pupo lady      Glad the move went well. 

Bubblicious - families, eh!  Don't worry about what they want, it is your life and you have to do what is right for you.  They can always take the dress out, it is no big deal.  Good luck with the clomid   

Susie - good luck on Monday, I hope you get some answers, it is the not knowing that is so hard, answers would be good  

RP - my ******** friend    It is so hard when they tell you there is nothing wrong, I am in the same boat after 3 m/cs.  There must be something wrong, I've had three m/cs    The more tests they can do the better, that's what I say.  Good luck with them  

Faithfully - good luck with the iui     and good for you booking the holiday, I am sure you could spend a week in a ski resort not skiiing if it meant you were pregnant, you could just sit smiling and stroking your tummy  

Nanook - glad you and dh are trying to work things out.  IF puts so much pressure on our relationships, I thought dh and I were solid as a rock but even we are having a bit of a wobble at the moment.  It would be a shame if it ruined your relationship, I hope things work out  

Lainey2 - good luck on 5th, I hope it is ok.  Don't stress about it, you will be fine.  

Angel83 - glad the cons changed your medication, there is no point being on a drug if it makes you feel so bad, especially if there is an alternative.

Hi to Gab, Mrs Chaos, Chimer, Honeyprincess, Kate and anyone I've missed.       

Phew!  It's taken me so long to post I haven't really got time to talk about myself.  I will just say that I still haven't booked my counselling session (bad Lainey!), dh has gone to India for 10 days with work, I finished at work today and tomorrow evening is my leaving do.

Love to you all

Lainey x


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone!

I'm really sorry for all the brief "me" posts but it's been a bit fraught the last week or so and I'm knackered!

Missyb - I think I said Happy Birthday, but just in case I didn't have another belated one!  How was it?  How did the baby shower go?  You were very brave going along to it in the first place!  Has the dratted witch turned up yet?  She never comes when you want her to does she?  Thanks for my pms and just know I've been thinking of you lots!

Lainey-lou - sorry I haven't texted yet.... I am going to I promise!  How are you doing?  Are you moving on to a new job?  You've probably told us, but I haven't kept up with all the posts lately.  What's going on with you and dh?  How come you're having a wobble?  You know where I am if you want to talk.  I am always here for you.  You are having a particularly rough time of it and if I can help I would like to. 

Whippet - Happy Belated Birthday!  Sorry I missed it!

Nanook - I think we have all had those dreams.  It happened a lot after my mc.  The crushing reality when you wake up is so painful.  You too are having a particularly rubbish time of it at the moment.  Glad to hear you are trying to sort things out with dh.  This IF journey damages you as a person and is bound to have an impact on your relationships with other people.  Try to be kind to yourself hun.

Reetpetite - I'm gutted for you they haven't come up with any answers yet.  Sounds like Mr F is a good man.  I would stick with him if you can.  I found my GPs very unhelpful with IF, but my consultant is wonderful.  Once you find a good one you have to stick to them like a limpet!  It makes all the difference.  Thanks for all your pms too hun!

Faithfullyhoping - how did your scan go flower?  Please let us know!  I know what its like all this not knowing what will happen next!  Good luck!

Wendeth - how you feeling hun?  Glad the move went ok.  Thinking of you.

Susie - Glad to hear you're ok my flower.  You have been such a brave girl.  I remember you have an appointment on the 4th but I can't remember if that is the results of your tests or the start of the next cycle.  Don't be a stranger hun.  We love your posts on here!  And thank you so much for your lovely support.  You are an angel to think of others especially when you are going through so much yourself.  

Hi to everyone else...Cinders, Bubblicious, Lainey2, Angel83, Gab, Mrs Chaos (you've been quiet), Chimer, Honeyprincess and Kateag.

There I think I have caught up with all the personals!  I love you guys!  You have kept me sane!

Some good news now... 4 out of my 5 eggs have fertilised!  Hurray!  Another hurdle cleared!  Just got to wait til tomorrow to see if they are dividing, then ET should be on Sunday!  What a rollercoaster!  Will try to keep you all posted as much as possible, but it's back to work on Monday!  

Love to you all

Take care

Pand


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Pand - 5 eggs, that's fantastic, I was thinking about you this am when I went for my scan. Hope they all fertilise etc...

I've got 2 follies, and they're both quite advanced even though I'm only on day 8. But that's fine apparently.  I'm going back sunday for another scan, and got to do a wee stick in the morning to check for LH.  So I think basting should be early to middle next week!!!

Speak soon

Faithful xxx


----------



## bubblicous

hey all


hows everyone today 

had my bloods done pand 4 fertilised go u xxxx

glad ur scan went well ffh fingers crossesd for the next one

 to all


----------



## *Lollipop*

Good news on the eggs...and fert rate....  ...keep going Pand youre nearly there honey..............Gabxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

good luck pand - hope these are the ones that work and this is your time!!!

The witch came yesterday (a whole month late) - so am not the happiest of bunnies, although I did a test last friday and it was a bfn....  oh well, theres always next month (and the month after, and the month after etc etc etc) ..

Love to all

Sarah

xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Sorry...the.... ... ...you are so right.....    ...xxxx..but not too many months...hey..... 

Love to all........xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Whats one more month when after 5 years thats been 60 months already (not that Im cynical of course!!) - only kidding Im not that bothered just a wee bit gutted tbh - just experiencing 2 months worth of P.M T etc (which I tend to get during the witch and after for some reason these days??!!??  ha ha what are our bodies like eh??!?? 

xx


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone,

Hard to keep up with posts, and this is a real cop out! But these are for those that need......

                                          

                   

            

                      

                          

I am feeling a bit quiet.
I am reading most days, but just feel I haven't got a lot to add. Nothing anyone said or anything. Maybe just gearing myself up for next cycle or something, I don't know. I'm still here, over here...in the corner..............................................................................................   ! Just a bit quiet....

...Love you all,
   Cindersxxx
p.s Hope the baby shower went as well as could be expected Missyb, and you have survived?!
p.p.s Hope you are having a nice leaving doo, and disgracing yourself with drunken exploits as we speak. We know what you Accountants are like now (you told us!)!!!!!
p.p.p.s Hope you got some of those smilies up there Pand  .


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Girls
Hope you are all ok and that you are all gearing up for a good weekend at the different stages of tx that we are at.

Wendeth           continue with the PMA you PUPO lady and so good luck for next week, only a few days to go this is the worst bit and tiredness is a good sign.

Pand               for the five eggs and then 4 fertilised ones, great news and so      for Sunday - will be thinking of you and have everything crossed for you!

cinders -   I feel like you a bit pensive and quiet and just mulling lots of thoughts over in my head- I think sometimes you need that quiet time to get everything geared up and sorted in your head - thinking of you 

missby -     Hope that the shower was ok and that you survived it, you were very brave as well, well done sweetheart.  Hope you have a good restful weekend and thanks for your support it means such a lot and nice to know others feel the same way.  Hope you are fully recovered.

Nanook     sorry re your af but at least you know where you are now, glad that you are ok and trying to sort things out with dh.  I think our dreams are ways of processing stuff and makes us realise what we do and not want.  At least you know for sure you want one although I do know where you are coming from.

Gab -    how are you sweetie, fully recovered and raring to go!

Lainey-lou    Try and book the counselling as you will feel so good after it, get the hossie to do a referral for you, the lady I am seeing at the hospital is red hot and really like my other lady too although not so sure how keen they are that i am seeing two but did not want to put any off.  Hope you dont miss dh too much although perhaps the break might do you good.  I do understand what you mean about having a wobble and we have had a couple like that and sometimes think a bit of distraction or attention makes us feel better.  

bubblicious -    love the photo honey its great.  sorry your family being a bit difficult and glad you and dh are sticking up for yourselves - he sounds so great and what lovely things to say - he is a real sweetie!

Angel -    love the photo honey you look georg, its nice to know people have enjoyed my diary and its helped in some way, thanks for the nice comments- that clomid is horrid stuff and hope the tamoxifen continues to help - wish I had had some of that!

lainey 2 -    good luck for Monday not long now, try and keep calm over the weekend if you can and your dh.  love your photo too.

Whippet -     sorry your bday did not turn out as good as expected.

Reet -    my clinic is Chester although was reffered to Bham for donor egg cycle as near to Angela, when you say you qualify for killer cells testing does that mean you can have it done as you have had repeat m/c or they help with the funding ?? What is Heparin to help with? sorry for questions still learning

Honeyprincess - how are you sweetheart, hope you are doing good.

EC -   hope you are ok honey too

Jo1983 -   hope you are ok honey?

moonim -    how have you been up to, let us know sweetheart?

Chimer -    how are you and where are you

mrs chaos    - how are things for you, thinking of you

faithful    - good on the follies and good luck for the basting next week, it only seems like yesterday when I did it and I was so excited about it to be doing something quite positive and its good practise if you ever have to do ivf as its so similiar, just lie back and think of England!

love to anyone else I have not included sorry esp if you are new and not posting much come back soon

just a quick update
Have had a busy week
Monday - learn direct numarcy course at school, Tuesday med and met an old friend for afternoon very nice and lots of memories,
Wed - went to the gym and lunch with friend, Thursday gym and counseller, Friday met up friend, counsellor and help at out school!
So has you can see been keeping busy and distracted and have enjoyed being back at the gym.
My mind is racing with all types of thoughts and counsellor today said that usualy everything gets processed over the next 48 hours and she has had some good input to me, the one yesterday was good but not sure how happy she is that seeing another lady - not sure if you are allowed but did not want to turn anything down, anyway what with holiday and the way its worked out not seeing them til the end of the month now.  The hossie one today said it was good to write down your feelings and thoughts and that is why ff is so good, not sure why not been on for two days just the way it is although the lap top is plugged in upstairs and could not be bothered to bring down and the fire on last night so did not move from there.  Have been having a few glasses of wine while I have been cooking and am into my second week of making things from scratch, normal for most but not me!  I have actually enjoyed my week and what with the occasional nice sunny day that we have had have really felt ok.  Again I put this down to the support of you lot and the fact I am getting action and attention and feel I am moving forward.  I had a bit of a strange thought that my future baby/ies are on ice in Bham or still yet to be cultivated as in sperm in dh and egg in Ang if we do decide to go again but other than that really OK!!
I have not found out much more re what is happening at appt on Monday at 345 but when asked the recp today heard the term Preg risk assessment so that sounds promising esp if it involves testing and its happening the same day.  I am more worried about turning up and them not doing anything and making us wait six weeks like the other clinics have done. I am not not convinved the test results of the  beanie are going to be back as these usually take 8 weeks so at least I dont have to get worked up about that.

Thats about it girls, I will try and come on again over the weekend and perhaps we could sort out a chat in the chat room sometime.
lots of love and thanks to you all.
love
susie
There are a lot of us now!


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Girls
Where are you all?
Hope you are having a good weekend and having fun.
Good luck Pand for tomorrow.
  dh pestering me for   very unsual in our house !
wendeth    
Take care
love
Susie


----------



## cinders35

Hello all,
Went to a 2yr old b'day party today. Very noisy!! Pg bellies, babies and toddlers everywhere!!!
Told dd about my friend being pg, she said after thinking for a minute " but she'll have three then mummy...." I said " I know darling, I know...  "
Dd said she is very sad that we don't have a baby... 
I told her I am trying my very best. She asked "how do you try mummy?" Ohhhhhhhhhh................ 
Not sure how I got out of that one, but going to need some books to explain some of the basics soon! She knows I have eggs in my tummy, she thought they were like the eggs in the fridge...bless...and dp has a 'seed.'

Good luck for tommorrow Pand    

Love Cindersxxx

p.s   Lainey lou. Can't p.m. you. Inbox full.


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hello girls
Sorry I've not been around for a while, been having a bit of a meltdown  
We lost one of our dogs a couple of weeks ago  after a short illness and it all piled up on me a bit, so I took some time out. 
Thank you for all the lovely messages and txts, especially MissyB  Hope things are a little better for you now my lovely.
Suzie, as always thank you for looking out for me  You are our little mother-hen and I'm always humbled by your capacity to give us all so much, when you have had more than your fair share of your own problems.  I'm still catching up on back posts but wanted to wish you all the best hunni 
Cinders, Gabrielle, Nanook, Wendeth, Lainey, Pand, Emilycaitlin  and anyone I've missed  to all our new girls 
Do let me know if you want me to book us a room in chat  There's a lot of us now, so it would be nice to catch up and have a natter 
Hoping all of you are well.
Speak soon
Lotsa love
Gayn
XXXX


----------



## bubblicous

hello all

had a nice day today  a wee family day out bowling and food was good 

though went to my mums afterwards and she mentioned the whole pregnant bmaid thing again but i didnt listen would have been too upseting starting to get the feeling she doens want me a dh to have a baby 

anyway hope everyone is ok just a short one tonite as dh and i are going to watch a dvd and cuddle in bed cant wait xxxxxxx everyone xxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone.

Last post before getting back to work tomorrow... yuk!

Cinders - I'm sorry about the party hun.  I so know how that feels when your little one says in all innocence how much they want a baby.  It's utterly heartbreaking.  Hope you're feeling a little brighter today.  Not much longer til you start now, and I'm here for you all the way.  thank you once again for your support over the last week.  You have kept me going thro some very tough times.  I really do appreciate it.


Bubblicous - Sorry about your mum.  My dad is much the same.  I think he would prefer it if we just gave up.  They just don't understand how desperate that need is do they?  Don't give up yet hun. 

Mrs Chaos - So sorry about your dog.  I'm sure it must have knocked you for six and must seem like too much to bear on top of everything else.  Glad you're back tho. I still can't get into the chat room by the way!


Lainey-lou - tried to text you but for some reason the number I have doesn't work. Have pmd you too, but your box was full earlier.  Have tried again this evening so hopefully we can start nattering soon!

Missyb - Hope you are ok.  You've been a bit quiet.  Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Susie - thank you for all your encouragement and support over the last week you have been a complete star.  Good luck with tomorrow.  Text me and let me know how you get on.  I hope you start to get some of the answers you need flower.


Nanook - I'm really sorry that old witch turned up.  Hope you're feeling a bit brighter now. 

Gab - thank you too for all of your lovely messages and your support.  You are a star!  Hope you are ok.  

Faithfullyhoping - Well done on your two lovely follies.  Will be keeping a check to see how you get on and keeping my fingers crossed all goes well this week.  We can keep each other company on that two week wait!

Hi to everyone else!


Well ET went well today.  One 10 cell grade 1 embie and one 8 cell grade 2 embie on board!  We've called them Stella and Bailey after our favourite drinks!  Am feeling very hopeful at the moment and long may it last (although I doubt it will!).  Funny story about the transfer if you want to read it on my diary!  Nearly ended up shooting the speculum across the room!

I hope you all have a lovely week.  Speak soon 

Pand


----------



## Pand

Lainey, our posts crossed.  Best of luck with the op tomorrow and I wish you a really speedy recovery!  Will be checking to see how you get on!

Lots of love
Pand


----------



## bubblicous

hey all

lainey goodluck for tomorrow i will be thinking on you    

pand people just dont understand at all do they unless they are going through it dont give up though is your et tomorrow goodluck hunni


as for me well last nite i decided to come out and just ask my mum straight (bravest thing ive done in a while) she said shes happy for us to have another but just the one and not to expect her to look after them nice eh i barely ask her to look after my girls as it is but hey 


today i had a bad day to start was totally feeling sorry for myself i asked my dh if in 20 years time if we had no babies would he hold it against me the idea of it kills me id rather let him go than have him resent me 
god love him he was like no i wont if we cant get a baby then we cant we have the girls and they are mine maybe not in blood but in every other way possible 

i got myself in some state over it all thankfully my rock was there to look after me he must wonder sometimes what he married 

thankfully i wasnt to bad in the afternoon as i tried to put everyting out my mind well unitl my mum said im going to be very disappointed when we were talking about the clomid 
i know theres a high chane they wont work but for gods sake try and think positive thats waht i do 


well thats me 
hope everyone else is well xxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Pand - well done on ET. 2 on board     it must be a relief to get this far after all that worry. I was in Priory this am too having a scan.  Actually my appointment was half an hour late - was it you holding things up?!!!!!!

At my scan the nurse said I'd got 2 Follies one of them was very larg 'especially for somebody so thin'!!!! What's all that about? Do thin people have small eggs or something?!!!!!

Anyway got do pee stick again tomorrow and phone in, if I don't get surge will probably do pregnyl anyway because of the size of the follie! So looks like it's Tuesday for basting!! 

Hi to everyone - can't do personals as I'm on the wrong computer and it will probably lose the post, sorry.


Faithful xxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

....Pand...what can I say..... .....you take it easy now...

Is it any wonder they call it a rollercoaster...eh....Gab...xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
very late and a bit drunk so 

Pand            well done you pupo lady and keep up the PMA - glad we have all been of some help and so excited for you and bailey and stella how funny    glad we can laugh and   

lainey 2 good luck for tomorrow    just sent you a pm and realised you are from the isle of wight you will have to let us know what its like living there??

GAyn - its my pleasure you have always been there for us, I would love to have a chat, sometimes i think we should just book and say a time and get on with it and then perhaps make it once a month and hope that we can all get a chance to post!

wendeth good luck honey    
gab      
bubblicious - it sounds like you have the most wonderful dh - 
faithful    
dh just told me when the frosites go back he is not letting me use the lap to top and rest it on my tummy like I am now.
please think about us and wish us all the best for appt to morrow at 345 would be great to get some plan.
bit worried angel lady cancelled as she has flu so have a lovely lie in tomorrow instead - having had a good few glasses of the old vino tonight am going to need it.


lots of love to the rest of you I am not going to list you but you know who you all arevery tired and need to go to sleep


----------



## SUSZY

Hi again
hope you are all ok , having a slow morning the Angel lady is ill and feel a bit jaded (too many glasses last night) to go to the school course although have until 1pm so can pop in a bit later I suppose.
Pand - how are you PUPO lady          What date to you test?
Wendeth - good luck re the bloods and testing - we are waiting to hear your hopeful good news!

Hope the rest of you enjoy your Monday ams.
Ds was with mum last night and apparently he was sick in the night but they said he was fine this morning and when they called in for his shoes he looked fine, dont think I am supposed to send him if hes been ill but he was in the car ready and they said he was fine!?
Not too nervous about later I dont think?
take care
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Suszy - Hope it goes well at your app later. thinking of you. Let us know how you get on.

Lainey - Hope all goes well with your opp today.


Rang clinic this morning after doing pee stick, and am going for basting tomorrow afternoon at 2:30pm. 
Better get on with some jobs now as want to be able to rest tomorrow!!!!

Faithful xxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi all,

Just wanted to wish you Good luck for your appointment today Suszy...its a step forward sweetheart, will be thinking of you........       

Pand - something for you............                                     .......

as for me..well GP review today....Bbutton on the mend..... .....but still tender..think it must be from all the adhesions freed up and brusing etc... ...........another 2 weeks off work as he knows how busy it is at the hospital, dont think he trusts me to take it easy...!

Missyb - no doubt you are back now....take extra special care... 

Anyway take care girlies.....love and luck to you all......


----------



## nanook

Hi all

Hope everything went ok for every1 - Pand, Suzy and Lainey (so sorry if Ive missed anyone out) - I just sort of scanned all the entries - there always seems to be like a million to read!!  haha so many of us now, but a good thing hey ladies!  Nice to know we are all supporting each other and have found a place where we are in the same boat....

Not much to tell really - had a lovely weekend..  ds had a martial arts lesson sat for an hour and we took a friends dogs out to the local common in the afternoon which was really lovely....  didnt really do much but it was just nice doing outdoorsy type things for a change.. 

I have a job interview on Wed morning at the local Tescos - hours to suit so cant go wrong really!!  am quite looking forward to getting back to work as I think being at home is making me totally demotivated lately and also quite lonely, so time to get back into the swing of real life!  

Am having my first pole dancing lesson next Monday morning so totally looking forward to that too! 

Love to you all, hope everybody is ok.. Im sending big fat smiles and happy, positive thoughts to you all...

xxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

Susie - good luck for today, I hope you get some answers     

Missyb - I hope your first day in your new job is going ok     

Pand - well done you, Pupo lady      I hope you are taking it easy.

Lainey - hope the op has gone smoothly, thinking of you     

Cinders - I know what you mean about not knowing what to post.  I think that is why I don't post much at the moment, same old, same old, if you know what I mean.  Thinking of you.  When do you start your tx?

ffh - good luck with the basting (that always makes me think of turkeys  )  Fingers crossed    

Wendeth - our other Pupo lady.  Hope you are feeling ok and have finished unpacking boxes, I hate moving.    

Gab - sorry you are feeling so sore.  More time off work will help though, I'm sure    

MrsChaos - sorry to hear about your dog    

Nanook - good luck with the interview, I have an interview on Wednesday too at the local photographers to do her books.  Good luck with the pole dancing 

Hi to everyone else - RP, EC, bubblicious, Angel83, Chimer, honeyprincess, Whippet, Jo, etc

I have just discovered that the bloke I was down the pub with two weeks ago has been killed in a skiing accident, it has been in all the papers today.  His poor family  

Love 

Lainey x


----------



## Wendeth

Hi all, bad news - got myself a   today.    pretty gutted.  It was a long shot and it just didn't work. 

Wendeth


----------



## nanook

wendeth hun, so gutted for you flower  


also        Lainey... thats really sad!!!! 

xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Wendeth,

  ..... ....thinking of you.....Gab...xxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Wendeth - so sorry hun      

Faithful xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls

Wendeth               so sorry sweetheart and I was so hopeful.
Sending you lots of love and healing.  Wish I could say more to help but know I cannot - just remember we are here for you darling.  I am so so sorry.

Lainey2 -     hope the op went well today and you recover soon.

Gab -    lad review went well and that your belly button getting better, good news re having 2 more weeks off as think you do need to still rest up.  Thanks for your good luck wishes - more about appt at bottom.

Lainey -    so sorry to hear about that bloke, its so scary isn't it just not knowing whats a head, I was looking at some old photos at my mums yesterday and found some with dh when he has dark hair!!!! but also one of my bro the July 07 and thought none of us could have even contemplated him being dead within 6 months.   Good luck for the interview sweetheart.

nanook -   glad you had a good weekend, I am so looking forward to it getting warmer so we can get out and about more, good luck for the interview as well.

pand -   oh PUPO lady how are you feeling??     please try and rest up as much as possible as well.

Cinders -    it is hard to know what to write sometimes but just a quick Hi is ok sometimes.  Thinking of you!

missby -    ow did the job go, sorry i did not send you a good luck message before it. Hope your weekend was good.  take care

Gayn -    think I have already said sorry about the dog, it must have been so upsetting. lets sort the chat out soon

RP -    hope you are doing ok honey - have put what happened today at bottom

EC -    Thinking of you - whats the next move for you?

Tuck     hope you are ok you have gone a bit quiet.

faithful -   so good luck for basting tomorrow honey, will be thinking of you at 230!    you will be on 2ww with pand.

bubblicious -    thinking of you, I really dont think that our families realise the importance of what we are going through at first

Angel- How are you?     

Chimer long time no hear?    

honeyprincess how are you?    

Whippet how are you ?    

Jo how are you?    

Thanks as ever for your support it means the world.

Update - went to see diff consultant and we were very impressed!
Basically in a couple of weeks time I am going to have the test to see about clotting - begins with T not sure the long name and whatever the outcome of that if we ever get a bfp again he suggests we start taking aspirn from day 1.
He also suggests we have the killer cells test done at Liverpool for £550 and if I need it will be perscriped steroids and he reckons that sometimes just by taking a sample of the lining it can increase chances, I dont really understand that but he said so and apparently it about the same as a smear/ET.
He told us that he did not think we would learn much re the test on the beanie as it needs to be living tissue and obviously it had stopped at 8 wks but is going to write to us when he hears anything.
He has booked for us to go back in 8 to 10 weeks when hopefully all the tests for everything will be back and then we can start the frozen cycle.  Apparently the killer cells are done a few days after the surge so will have to do one of those ovol tests nearer the time.  Obviously has have not had proper period since Oct other than the mc do not know what my cycle is up to.
Basically we feel happy that things are being done again and I am prepared for the fact that we might not learn much re the beanie and that hopefully its down to bad luck that I have had three m/c but even if it is not we will hopefully be covering the clotting and killer cells issues.  We feel fairly happy so its just a waiting game but we kind of feel in control. i know from bham that the d/r starts day 21 and we have to go and sign the consent forms so we may decide to go down and do that in the next couple weeks/months so that all is in place for my day 21 when I am ready.  He said it might take a couple of months for my cycle to return to normal and that it would be nicer to do the tx in the spring!  At first he did not realise we had had a live birth but seemed to have at least read our notes before we went in which was nice.  I felt guilty as we took a long time but thought sod it! He also dictated three letters on our behalf while we were there so feel pretty impressed by that.  I think its going to be May before we do the FET so have a good few months again to get in health and shape. I am still going to drink but not as much as I have been.  it would be brill to lose a stone as well!
Thanks for listening girls.
Love
Susie


----------



## Pand

Hi ladies,

Wendeth - Oh hun.  I am so utterly gutted for you.  You must be totally devastated.  We all know there is nothing we can say to ease your pain, but I wish there were some words I could think of to help I really do.  We are all here for you if you need to sob, weep, rage, cry whatever you need to do.  Life is so damn unfair sometimes.

Suzy - have just texted you and thought I would check on line too.  Sounds like your appointment was really positive and I'm really proud of you for keeping up with the counselling.  It sounds like it is really helping.  You sound so together for someone who has been through so much.  You are one brave, strong lady and kind to boot.  I really hope all the tests come back with something simple that is fixable.  If I were you I would contact the clinic asap and get the ball rolling so that everything is in place for when you are ready.  I have everything crossed for you sweetie.


Gab - thanks for all your lovely pms.  Am doing my best to stay positive honest!  Glad to hear belly button is healing up so enjoy the next two weeks and make sure that you rest up.


Lainey - think the texts are working now!  Hurrah!  At last!  Now you won't be able to get rid of me.  We don't care whether you think posting is same old same old.  We still want to hear how you are.  You've hardly talked about how you are feelling.  You don't have to be brave for us honest.  You have been through a dreadful time, and you are very brave and very strong to have come this far.  Keep chatting hun.  So sorry to hear about your friend.  Does make you think doesn't it?!!

Nanook - good luck at Tescos.  You sound very chipper hun.  Glad to hear you're feeling a bit brighter.

Faithfullyhoping - Oh wow.  Well done you!  Will be wishing you lots of luck and sending positive vibes for tomorrow!  What time were you there on Sunday morning then?  There were two couples in the waiting room as I went in.  One young couple who looked a bit nervous, and another couple who walked in just as I got up to go through for my ET.  We were delayed for our ET as well and didn't leave the waiting room til about 9.30 and ET should have been in at 8.45.  The nurse said something whilst I was in the operating theatre about she had opened the windows after the events of the first case!  Very cryptic but I gather something hadn't gone very well first thing so we were delayed as well.  The young nervous couple were both asian... was that you?  My dh is 6 foot 5 inches so you wouldn't have missed him!  How bizarre that our paths could have crossed and we didn't even realise it!

Hi to everyone else sorry to not do loads of personals but have had a pasting at work today (so much for taking it easy... I always have to do everything the hard way!) and need to go and lie in bed and listen to the CD that my lovely Cinders made me buy!  

Love to you all however you are feeling!

Pand


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

there is soooo much to catch up with on here and i dont know where to start!

hi susie... loved your vino message!! it did make me laugh.. glad you have a plan for the future...so 8 to 10 weeks time and you'll know a bit more? everything takes time and im soooo impatient on your behalf!! i can relate to what you said to lainey-lou about your brother xx  

hi pand.. i read your diary and it made me lmao and spit tea (at least it wasnt out of my nose this time!) im soooo pleased for you and im glad you followed your heart and continued     15th feb (day after valentines... hint hint dp! )

hi cinders.. how are you doing sweety? i know what you mean about looking and not knowing what to say.. for me in the run up to af im doing my diary and symptom spotting etc.. then af arrives and i think well thats it for me for this mth and it takes a while to get geared up again for another mth! thinking of you thow xx

hi gayn..  how are you? so sorry to hear about your dog hun   how is dh?

hi nanook... good luck with your interview!! 

hi wendeth.. so sorry hun   

hi lainey-lou.. how are you diddling honey? how did the leaving do go? good luck with the interview hun  im so sorry to hear about your friend.. we never know whats around the corner.. it must be so hard for their family, such a shock. i can relate to that. it was fab chatting to you the other day hun  

hi faithful... good luck honey!!!  

hi gabs... take it easy hun xx

hi bubblicious.. so sorry that your family arent being very supportive.. you and dh have to make your own happiness regardless of what other people say and want.. i think susie hit the nail on the head regarding families.. it always takes me by suprise as you'd think they'd want what makes you happy.

hi to reetpetite, kateag, honey-princess,whippet,jo1983,EC, and anyone else ive missed.

as for me no exciting news.. well not about bfp's etc.. af came on thursday (the day of the baby shower.. someone has a real sick sense of humor) and wasnt as bad as i was expecting post lap & dye.. i started my new job today and have seen more fanulies (lol gayn!) than you can shake a stick at!! im soooo tired i can just about type but i think it's always the way when you start a new job and just spend most of the time observing etc. 
we have our appt at the fertility clinic on friday so hopefully we'll be able to start clomid.. 

i hope you are all well and big hugs & love to all 


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hey y'all,

Oh Wendeth, so very sorry it was not good news today.   Life stinks sometimes hey?  

Lainey Lou, blimey. That is so awful about the ski accident. What a shocker...  I miss you... 

Missyb, glad you survived the babyshower  . Nasty ole af,   . But have  an extra special go this month, you never know after the lap... I'll keep everything crossed, well not my legs obviously all will never get pg! Good to hear new job ok, tell us some funny stories...please....

Suszy, Glad your appointment went well. Looks like you got yourselves a plan! Always makes me feel better! Even if plan is to do nothing, I gotta hav a plan!  

Lainey 2, Hope surgery has gone well. We are looking forward to hearing from you when you are up to it.    

Nanook we want to know how lesson goes on mon!   Good luck for interview too.  

Gayn, so very sorry about your beloved dog. It is so very hard, animal lovers everywhere know how you are feeling  . 

Sending you some                             
Faithful! You too will be PUPO!   

Hey Jo, where are you? Hope you are ok 

Pand, will pop and catch up with diary in a minute! Are you chanting? I know you are listening to cd right now, but chanting will help. Never mind if they give you funny looks in the staff room!!!!
I can have a baby, I will have a baby, I can have a baby, I will have a baby.....

I am ok. Still bit quiet. So very petrified at thought of another bfn, as think this might be our last go...
Going to sign consents and buy drugs on wed. Then start d/r on saturday. It's come around awful quick! 
Next week we are off to eurodisney again, as we have passports into the park left from last years trip, we only have to pay for hotel, food and travel (not much then!!!   )
So will be no frills baked beans for us for a while!!!
I am in school tommorrow, helping them with preparation for chinese new year day. First time I have been in to help. Bit scared! Feel like schoolgirl again! Can't believe you are big grown up teacher Pand, how scary is that?!
Then dp taking dd to swimming lesson, as I have to get ready to go out. Am off to the ballet you know!!!!
I feel so sophisticated! Never been to the ballet before! My friends b'day presi to me. I text her to say "What does one wear to the ballet?" She replied, knowing I am animal lover "faux fur and diamonds darling" I text back, lowering the tone somewhat "What no knickers?" apparently "absolutely none!"   Hope there are no papparazzi to take pictures like Britney?! 
So am off now, to do face pack, remove unwanted hair from various places, tmi?   and put some fake tan on, so that I can look like orange goddess at the ballet!!!
I am one classy bird, let me tell you!!!!  

I know I haven't mentioned everyone, but that is virtual impossibility with our ever increasing numbers, and my pea size brain!

But love and hope all round,

Cindersxxx


----------



## bubblicous

evening everyone


today i decided it would be fun to collect my girls plus friends from school and nursey and bring them all to my house i had two 5 year old and two 4 year olds running around my house wasnt a pretty site after that 

apart from that ive been ok today well i had a few down moments bbut on the whole it was a good day back to work tomorrow     wish i didnt have to go but hey need must

pand - good luck babes hope bailey and stella burrow in and stay with you  

ffh - good luck hunni hope things go well with u ^CUDDLE^

suzy - ^CUDDLE^ sounds like things went well and everythings looking positive hunni 

missi b - hope your appointment goes well on friday and hope your enjoying your new job 

wendeth - so sorry hunni ^CUDDLE^ ^CUDDLE^

lainey- lou thats awful about the guy 

nanook - goodluck with your job interview my bil works for tesco and says they are really good to work for

to eveyone else ^CUDDLE^

xxx


----------



## tuck

Hi Girls

Lots to catch up on.   Must get on with ironing but know where i'd rather be.

Wendeth   I am so sorry to hear your news.  

Gaynor - not sure if we've spoken before am a newbie, so sorry to hear about your doggie, fellow animal lover here  

Lainey 2 - I hope your operation went well and you are not too sore -.

pand - I hope stella and bailey are settling in nicely to their new home    

faithfully hoping - good luck on your follies. grow grow grow

Susie - sounds like you had a good weekend .  Good that you had positive meeting with consultant.  Always worth seeking another opinion.   Great you've got action plan and something to work to.  I too must get in shape and could do with losing a stone!!

Reetpetite - any news hun?

Hello to everyone else and lots of   

Feeling a little low tonight as it will be one year ago tomorrow that I lost my little one to an ectopic pregnancy   it tears me up to think where we were this time last year, being told i was sitting on a ticking time bomb and could rupture at any time and that not only would i have a brutal operation to remove my baby but I would have half my fertility removed at the same time.

How my life has changed since then, the positive is i realise more than ever how lucky I am to have my little man, and loving supportive dh family and friends and whilst I'll never ever forget what happened I've come an awful long way in a year.  Onwards and upwards hopefully.

Well take care you all and hopefully speak soon.

Tuckxxxx


----------



## Jo1983

Evening ladies,

Sorry I've not posted for a while, still feeling really down  
Just can't seem to pick myself up, if anyone has some suggestions i.e herbal remedies that would be super. Don't want to keep boring you all with my problems.
I've also had a stomach bug over the weekend which was not nice and I'm still feeling a bit rough from that.....it's one thing after the other at the minute.

I'm going to attempt some personals, I just quickly scanned the 8 or so pages I've missed out on so apologies if I'm a bit behind with everyones news etc  

Wendeth- I am really sorry to hear your news, nothing that I say will even begin to help so I'm sending you a big  

Ffh- wishing you and your follies lots of luck hun,   

Susie- Really glad that you have a new con- he sounds very impressive, it's a shame they're not all like that. It must be a weight off your shoulders knowing that things are moving ahead for you, if not scary too. Fingers crossed that the time will go quickly for you. I wish my weekend was more like yours...I spent most of it with my head down the loo....lovely.  

Cinders- Fellow Leicester lady- hope you're well. Sending you lots of   for your treatment. I don't really understand how it all works as I'm not that far along yet, but I wish you all the luck in the world. The ballet ay? Aren't we very posh  
I'd love to go to Eurodisney my ds asks to go everytime the adverts on. Is it expensive to go? tyring to save for ivf this year but feel guilty if I can't take ds away on hols if you understand me.  

Tuck- I hope you're feeling a little better hun, it's always good to talk and have a good cry. Onwards and upwards is a very positive thing  

Lainey2- Hope you are recovering well...hopefully see you on here soon hun  

Nanook- Good luck with your interview- I know what you mean, I've just gone back to work full time in Dec and it's been great to meet new people...I was very scared though, but very glad I did it  

To eveyone else- Reet, Lainey, Pand, Bubbilicious, Missy B, and everyone else- I can't keep up with all of your news.....Hoping you are all well, sending lots of    to those who need it.   

Love to all, have a great week.

Jo xxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!!

how are we today?? my second day in my new job and i think i'll really like it. it has kept my min occupied and i think i wont have the time to be as obsessed about ttc...

hi cinders!! ooooo the ballet how posh!! glad you're all trimmed and glowing... now no getting pi**d and shouting rude comments to the men in tights! i know you must be terrified about going thru the treatment etc again and the prospect of getting a bfn.. but you have to be positive and if you cant then i will be for you... you will have a baby, you can have a baby, you deserve a baby       good luck tomorrow with the consents etc. you sound like you are a busy bee and d/ring starts so quickly.. how long are you d/ring for? fingers,toes and vitals crossed for you hun xx

hi jo   im sorry that you are feeling down hun. sometimes it does feel that we get hit with one thing after another.if you ever want to vent you can always pm me... more often than not i dont have the answer but sometimes it's good to get it down. resue remedy is quite good for helping you chill out it's not just good for your driving test! hope ur tummy bug goes away soon hun xx

hi pand.. how are you doing hun?? thinking of you on your 2ww   

hi susie.. how are you sweety? hope you are well hun xx

hi bublicious.. how are you hun? hope work wasnt too pants & that your house is back to normal!!

hi wendeth how are you doing? thinking of you hun?

hi tuck.. how are you? it must be hard coming up to the anniversary of losing your precious bean.  i wish i could say something to make it better and not so painful but i cant   you know that we are all here and if you need to get it all out.. do.


anyway ladies.. im off to go and spend some time with dp.. another day of manky willies & fanuli's awaits me in the am!  hope that all the girls ive missed are well gayn (the travis perkins joke made me pmsl!), honeyprincess, EC, RP, lainey-lou (you ok hun??),kateag.

much love


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

Jo- sorry you feeling so down, not sure what to say really, this infertility thing is so rubbish and so hard isn't it.  I have acupuncture regularly which I think really helps, it is expensive though, dh keeps moaning about it.

Tuck - thinking about you, I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose both a baby and a tube at the same time.  lots of hugs  

missyb - All the best for appointment on Friday, hope you get some positives from it.

suszy - glad your appointment went well and you feel positive about it. It sounds like your consultant is really switched on. Try and enjoy the tx break during your wait.  Hope the tests show something up which can be sorted out and help you to be more confident next time.


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
just off to watch mistresses if I can chuck dh off the WII - I have been having a go at him and ds this evening to get them off it to do reading/spelling/pancakes and bed.
Is anyone giving anything up??

Missby - glad the job is going well and that you are enjoying it, hope you are doing ok and good luck for Fri - I hated clommid but its supposed to stiumlate those ovaries!

Pand good luck as ever and keep being positive and chanting etc and you have all of our support   

wendeth   

Tuck - I am so sorry its the anniversary tomorrow     will be thinking of you - its so hard.

jo sorry that you are feeling so down not sure what to suggest but agree with missby about the Bach Rescue remedy, other things have a massage/facial/manicure,  treat yourself to some new clothes, go for a walk in the hills, get a light box? get drunk!!

Cinders - you are so funny! hope you enjoy the ballet and let us know how you get on with it

bubblicious - you were brave having so many around to play!! keep toying with the idea whether to have 10 in the house doing a wii/football table party dh is not keen but would be cheap!

Reet - thinking of you

Lainey-lou - hope you are ok   

lainey2 hope you have recoved from the op

gab - hope you are doing good.

faithful - will be strange if you ended up crossing paths with Pand - hope it went well.

love to everyone else sorry not mentioning you all again but it was only last night, everyone is so talkative
thanks
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

split the post in case I lost it.....

Cinders - All the best for starting treatment, once you get going on it you might feel a bit better, all this waiting around gives us too much time to think about it.

lainey-lou - Sorry to hear about bloke in pub, that's tragic. You've got me worried now, I'm going skiing in 3 weeks, I'm always grateful to get down the slopes safely at the end of the day.  Enjoy ballet and Eurodisney.  My dd is desperate to go there!!!

Pand - hope you're looking after stella and bailey!  I think that you'd probably gone by the time it got to my appointment. My app wasn't until 10:30, and I was there on my own and I'm White not Asian so no it definitely wan't me.  Shame though it would have been cool to have met up, although I'm sure you would have had other things on your mind after ET!!

Lainey2 - Hope you're recovering from op.


Wendeth - Thinking of you  

 to everyone else that I've not mentioned - Bubblicious, reetpetite, Angel, Nanook, and anyone else.

As for me I had my basting today, it was far less uncomfortable than I'd imagined, and so low key!! I'd expected at least 2 nurses in the room!!! So Have spent the afternoon vegging on the sofa without having to feel guilty about it, dd was at granparents so I had some peace!!!    So am officially on the 2 week wait now..................... I don't know how to feel about it all really. I can't see it working as I haven't had even an inkling of a pregnancy since we started trying over 3 years ago.  I think that there must be  a reason that it's not happening for us and I can't see this overcoming anything. Oh well it's worth a shot I suppose.

Faithful xxx


----------



## tuck

Thanks ladies for all your kind words and understanding.

We had a lovely day today took a walk with dh and ds through the woods and then to the sea.

DH wants to try again . . . . .  I don't know if I am ready yet.

Had busy evening and lots of pancakes!!

Hey faithfully hoping I am wishing you lots and lots of positive thought, you never know hon this might be the one!  Everything crossed   

Jo I am so sorry you are feeling down still love.  What has helped for me recently is diversion.  Have recently started night classes and an exercise campaign, sorry don't know of any herbal rememdies.  Hopefully you are feeling better now after your tummy bug.  Take care 

Missy b- glad you are enjoying your new job, you're right it is good to have something else to occupy the mind but I'm intrigued from your last para, what your new job is??!!

Susie, how was mistresses?  I don't want my dh and ds to get a wii cos I know I'd have the same problem as you.  Not got one yet but for how much longer. . . .

Well take care everyone and hello to those i've not mentioned i hope you are all well.

Tuckxxxx


----------



## bubblicous

evening all

thats me just in from work it was utter pants i had asked for a transfer as the hours were day time rather than the 3 evenings a week and 1 morning that i do  but my evil boss told me no tonight so im not happy she told me to try back in 6 months as if i dont plan to be there in 6 months if i can help it 

anyhoos apart from crappy evening at work the day hasnt been to bad be extremely tired all day went back to bed this morning once my eldest was at school dont know what was wrong with me but just could open my eyes

tuck - hunni wait till ur ready ^CUDDLE^ for you 

ffh - hope your 2ww fly's by with a bfp at the end of it i have everything crossed for you

suzy - 10 playing the wii i think im with your dh there i dont think i could cope with that but ur right it would save pennies  

jo - hope you start to feel better soon babes xxxx

pand - hope you and stella & bailey are ok today 

missy - glad your likein the job have fun xx 



anyone else i have missed sorry and have a ^CUDDLE^ from me

im off now to get a cuddle from my dh before he goes to sleep


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Lovely Ladies

Im so bad at posting at the moment but just wanted to say hi and thinking of you all. Hope this year brings loads of BFP for everyone.
I will try and keep up with everyones news.

Love and fairydust to everyone x


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
just a quick post as up to my eyes in baking, ironing and dog walking (not all together) 
Hope everyone is ok?
Huge  to you all, will be back later with a proper post 
MissyB whatya having for tea tonight? Pepperami? 

Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## *Lollipop*

Missyb - your job sounds just like mine.....atleast I dont get embarassed now when ds asks me questions about his widge now..... ...he asked about circumcision the other day and my dh said go ask yr mum, she knows more about that ....well what can you say to that then?

Lyndalou - nice to see you honey...take extra special care...

Mr Chaos - oooohhhh you are so naughty..... 

Pand -       ....keep going Mrs...xxxxx

Love and luck to everyone else cant remember everyone else's name so big sloppy ones instead..


----------



## SUSZY

Just a quick hi and bye from me.
Nice to hear from you Lyndalou and Gayn and big      
Lainey lou -          hope you ok sweetheart??
lainey 2 hope you are recovering well
cinders - how did the ballet go
Pand/Faithful oh pupo ladies              
Gab hope you and belly button are OK!
Missy hope job doing ok?
bubble - sorry work so pants and hope it gets better soon with better hours
tuck    thinking of you today, mistresses was good but she told him in mamas and papas that the baby was not his!
apparently last one next week which is a shame.
nanook hope things going ok
wendeth
reet   honeyprincess   EC    Whippet   Angel    kateag   
jo hope you are feeling a bit better
lots of love and hugs
susie


----------



## missyb

evening ladies! just another quickie from me as im soooo pooped... im not sure if i've bitten off more than i can chew with full time work (no biting off anything at work ewwww)

hi gayn!! you make me larf.. the travis perkins joke still makes me larf!! no peperami for me hun or sausage of any description!! how are you?

hi cinders (lady cinders) how was the ballet? hope you are well hun.

hi susie how are you doing hun? i feel like ive neglected my texts to you guys   hope  you are well and i do think of you loads

hi lainey-lou... are you ok? i got your text this am as i was sparko last night.. im worried about you hun and you are in my thoughts. 

hi gabs how are you? what job do you do hun? im intrigued!

hi lyndalou.. fab to hear from you how are you hun?

hi tuck.. how are you hun? my new job is a staff nurse in sexual health!!

hi bubs.. sorry you had such a pants time at work.. what do you do? hope you are feeling less tired  

hi faithful... good luck honey!!! glad the basting went well     from me!!

hi to all of my lovelies that i have missed but havent forgotten xx

amanda xx


----------



## Jo1983

Hi ladies, 

It's a quickie from me tonight too....really sorry I'm actually watching the football.

Hope you are all ok and enjoying your week. Can't believe it's half term next week already....it'll be easter soon (yummy)  

Sending you all lots of    and   

Love to all, take care and I'll be back soon to post.

Jo xxx

Ps. thanks for the rescue rememdy advice- I'm off to the chemist tomo to buy some. Think my poor dh is gonna bury me in the garden soon if I don't do something about my mood swings. hehe


----------



## cinders35

Hey all,
Another quicky, another pooped person!!!

Have run out of phone credit again girls!!! Sorry!

Pand, hope Stella and Bailey snugging up...    

Missyb, hope you are enjoying new job...ewwwww.......

Lainey lou, are you going to go to the counsel appoint, or make appoint with another counsellor? Please stay in touch, I am stressing about you...   

Hi Suszy, how is gym? Are you still cooking from scratch?!  

Faithful, you never know, it could just be your turn!    

The ballet was fab, I just lurved the men in tights! They had buns of steel...amazing!!!! I felt a bit like julia roberts in pretty woman when she goes to the opera..."oh there's a band!" (There was an ochestra!!!) Of course looked not very much like julia roberts, and was not sat next to Richard Gere. I was sandwiched between my mate and grumpy old man rustling his sweet wrappers, and drinking his fruit shoot...classy!!!   Leicester just so sophisticated!! What do you say Jo?!     by the way.  

Love you all loads,
Special   to those not mentioned.

Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

ditto jo regarding the footy!!

YAY 2-1!! (might get a winners shag )

hi cinders ive text you hun xx im sure leicester is much more classy than crawley!! lol xx 

amanda xx


----------



## Jo1983

Hey everyone,  

Cinders- hehehe,   I have no idea why you think Leicester's not sophisticated....  It sounds as though we are going up in the world though with the ballett being shown and all. You are doing us proud Lady Cinders  
Love the bloke with the fruit shoot.....maybe he's the smelly bloke that I always get stuck by in the doctors,on the bus,in the chemist etc.    

Missy B- you do make me laugh, no chance of my winners shag last night. Dh was watching Torchwood (such an exciting life I lead) Rather you than me with the sexual health job ( definately no biting things at work hehe)....hope it's going well.  

Pand- sending you lots of    for stella and bailey. Hope you are ok hun  

Gab- Hope you ok hun, my dh does exactly the same as yours. Any dodgy questions my ds asks he sends him over to me. ( Mum's do know everything though hehe) What's your job by the way? everyone here seems to work with willys think I'm in the wrong job    

Susie- Hey, hope you ok hun, how's the cooking going? You're very good going to the gym! I've never ever been to one, I'm far too lazy for that      

Bubs- Hope work wasn't to bad today, boss's are born to be evil. I'm sure they get a bonus if they reach the targets for upsetting the staff   Take care hun  

Mrs Chaos- Baking I'm slowly learning that I must learn some more skills from you ladies. I can bake cakes.....as long as they're the one's you just add an egg and water too hehe    Take care  

Hi to everyone else Lainey-Lou, Lainey 2, Tuck, Nanook, Faithful and everyone I've missed but not forgotten.   

Love and hugs to all                                    
Jo xxx


----------



## nanook

Hellooo all

Id love to go to the ballet! bet it was fab!

I had a great day yesterday! I had my interview (onluy a checkout job but I got all dressed up - just because I felt like it!) and I must say I looked and felt really bloo*y good!  lol - totally owned the whole interview - the guy didnt really have a clue what he was doing and seemed to spend much of the time in a fluster (I had a cleavagy type top on) ha ha. When he asked me if I had aquired new skills recently (he was reading from a sheet) I really did tell him I was learning to pole dance!!   Poor bloke nearly felloff his seat  especially as the next question was 'explain how this new skill has benefitted you either on a professional or personal level!  ha ha ...  I am SO wicked!   
So, Im going for an induction type thing tommorrow evening ... although he didnt actually say I had the job Im assuming I have, or else I wouldnt be going for the induction I soppose!  He actually said he cant see me going on checkouts for long cos Im better than that!  So, my head is now twice the size it was (although of course I can do better than a flippin checkout job! haha)  - means must and it siuts me down to the ground at the mo so all is good!  Plus Im trying to get a couple of friends in there too so we can share taxis home until I pass my test!

Anyway we then went to lunch at a lovely pub on the waterfront with lots of hugely expensive boats outside (mixed with the yaughting freternity), which was fine cos I was dressed like I had a bit of wedge for once so felt totally comfortable and relaxed..  had a lovely crab salad and a couple of glasses of wine, and dh was really nice and held my hand and things so am feeling loved again at the moment which is a nice feeling  

My cat is going to be neutered tom so am worried about that today cos I just hope she'll be alright..  The kitten (Peanut) is going to miss her mumy all day too and I have to go out so am feeling like a wicked old witch at the moment!    Better its done though cos he hasnt gone outside since October and shes really miserable cos of it, and I cant be dealing with any more kittens so thats that!!

Only 1 week till half term anyway ladies so Im really looking forward to that!!  

My love to you all - sorry no personals but, like someone else said - too many freiends on here and a brain the size of a pea so Ive no chance of remembering names and I really dont want to leave anyone out so just a big fat MWAH to you all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls - you all do make me laugh!!!

nanook -     So glad the interview went well and i can just imagine you there in the interview being in control!!!!  Think FF has done scary things to us as I feel so in control and assertive now!  Actually we have our half term this week wish it was so would not have had all this bother with ds bday who will be 6th on 22nd, Feb always whizzes past doesn't it.  I was laughing so much about the pole dancing.  I do love it when one wears a cleavagy type top and one feels good too!  Hope cats are going to be ok.

missy -     missing you too but know you are busy.

Gab -    all you girls with your interesting jobs makes me feel a right lazy cow!

jo     finding it difficult this week to muster up effort to do the gym or cooking - not sure why I feel a bit letagic this week, I went to bed really early last night and feel tired again now think it might be too much drink but only had one last night hope it goes soon as was enjoying being all sorted!  Bit like with you and the old cake mixes but when had a go the other day it really was ok.

bubblicious    looks like your new nick name is bubs - do hope work better today - you lot make me feel guilty!

cinders -    you are so funny too you could write a book about all of our escapades.

lainey -    thinking of you honey as ever

pand oh PUPO lady do hope you are taking it easy at that school of yours!      

faithful - oh PUPO lady hope you are doing well as well     

Wendeth                 thinking of you

Lainey2 -       hope you feeling better.

Gayn -      hope you ok and not working too hard!

RP -       hope you are doing ok honey 

EC -       Thinking of you 

Tuck       hope you are ok 

Angel-     Hope you are doing ok honey as well

Chimer    hope you ok you have gone quiet

honeyprincess     what have you been up to darling hope you are feeling good.

Whippet     hope you are ok sweetie?

Feeling in a funny old mood girls, ds off today with a dodgy tummy but had to do school run at another school for a friend and they busy watching tv, they were only upstairs for 20 mins and looks like a bomb has hit it that put me off the wii tea although think he has got his mind set on it.  Still cannot decide as the play barn I want to go too one of his best friends wont go there (long story) then I feel I have to invite some of the siblings (some of which have invited ds so thats ok) but a couple of others bring them along and pay for their entry and food and I feel a bit guilty not offering to pay for theirs, then there are the handful that I am not sure whether to invite and then sods law if you dont they will have a big party and there have been precious few as it is, then because I have left it so late his other close friend can only come certain times! Then we normally do another little one for freinds from the nct who not nec the same age and it works out so expensive.  I have just driven myself mad by going on about it!
Then I ended up not doing much on monday due to too much wine the night before, I went to the gym yesterday and only lasted about 10 mins and just cannot seem to motivate myself.  i went to bed really early last night hoping to catch up but feel tired now and all I want to do is rest and drink wine.  I am supposed to be going out with some nct girls tonight and just dont feel like it although want to see them.  I am just in one of those moods and wish I could snap out of it!
On plus side met up with an Ffer yesterday and am tomorrow and going out for a meal with some and spoke to one today so thats good.
sorry for that outburst it just all came out - will probably feel better now thanks! just going to put the pizza on for ds and his friend.

take care
might come on later if not tomorrow.
as its half term I probably wont be on as much and am sure a few of you will be the same.  I am away on Monday night  but I will try and log in and catch up
love
susie


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

Half term for us too, in fact dd broken up today. Doesn't seem 5 mins since they went back to school!

Anyway just popping in as got to go and put tea out!

Suzsy - Rant as much as you want, that's what we're here for! Sorry you're feeling so tired, It could be all the emotional turmoil catching up on you, it's bound to wear you out even if you think you're ok.  Hope you feel more energetic soon!!!!

Nanook - you're interview sounds hilarious, wish I could have been a fly on the wall!! poor chap probably didn't know what to do with himself!  

Lainey2 - glad your op went well, it must be a relief to get it done after all that worrying.

Pand - hope you're doing ok. Nearly half term for you, you can relax and put your feet up. Hope Stella and Bailey doing well.

Cinders - glad you enjoyed the ballet.

Everyone else Hi

Trying not to think about 2ww too much, think it will be next week that I'll start worrying about it. When I was pregnant with dd, I knew before af even due so I could get quite negative quite early!!!

Faithful xx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
back again
you k now when you just feel the bad day/evening coming.
I managed to hold out til 530 for the wine and an now on my third, have been on and off here and the other child went home about 615 and dh got in about 5 mins ago. I am just about to reply to a text and send one saying unless I get a taxi I cannot go out tonight when I get an email from a friend who tells me casually she has been out of the loop because she is preg with her third!!
You could have knocked me down with a feather, you know how when you kind of prepare yourself for the fact I just did not see this one coming, she is in the middle of selling her house to move - is someone who I used to be closer to and suddenly she casually drops in the middle of a sentence.  I am more frustrated that we could not have had them together.
It just makes me cross again we have to go through all this when everyone else does it so easy.
I thought it was too good to last me being so positive.
I just dont want to go down I really dont.
i am ok its probably just the drink coming out and what i need 
take care
love you all
susie


----------



## nanook

Suzy

good luck Lainey2 xx


----------



## moominemma

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been posting...not much to say really. Still plodding along without any success! We have decided to spend the money we were saving for potential treatment on a holiday instead so are off to Lanzarote next sunday for some winter sun (I hope!) Also decided to throw myself into my career so trying to prepare for an  interview for promotion which is on tues.

Have been trying to keep up with all that is going on on the thread but it has become so busy!! Sending best wishes to everybody. Good luck to Faithful and Pand. And Suszy, why do these things happen when we are feeling low sending you lots of hugs.

Love,
Emma xx
PS I'm a Leicester lady too, is there something in the water?!


----------



## cinders35

Oh Suszy,
Sorry for how you're feeling tonight. It just feels like the stuffings been knocked out of you when you get an unexpected announcement, I was sobbing uncontrollably at the last one, so it does not mean you are on downward spiral or anything. You are perfectly normal amongst us ladies anyway, not sure how reassuring that is though,    mmm... anyway, we all feel c**p at times like this, and especially now,for you, so soon. 
The alcohol is probably going to make you feel worse, but who doesn't try and numb things, take the edge of it by sinking a few glasses?
If I lived round the corner I'd pop round with another bottle, we'd get a takeaway, and have some lovely chocolate. Then we'd watch some west wing, lusting after Rob Lowe!!!!
I hope you get through the evening ok, I hope you have a nice time if you still go out.    
I will be thinking of you. Lots.
It's not fair.
It should have been you too.
I hope and pray for your fet cycle. 
The game's not over yet, you are still fit to play, keep believing...
Love to all
Cindersxxx

p.s. Off on hols tommorrow, so will be offline for a week. Take good care all of you, and for those of you on half term, enjoy your precious time!!
p.p.s. Oh do you think Emma?!


----------



## SUSZY

i love you all
it means so much
sometimes these things hit you when you are down dont they.
Cinders even when we know we cannot do it in real life the thought of another bottle ( I really need)a takeway even though alreayd eaten and chocolate- it what we all need and when the dh lets us down as they dont seem to cope FF steps in.
Have a wonderful ful.
just see moons post and think thats the most annoying thing we could have had a lovely holiday and enjoyed what we have.
do you think if we all wrote to david beckam or Jennier lopaz she might understand that we could get at least a bit of money off
best get going thanks so much for your msg and texts - I know you all with me and it means the world and we also keep swapping places the thing is when one of you gets preg I am overjoyed although we all hae to admit the preg one feels a little bit out of it on here even if that is the main aim of the game but perhaps we should make a pact like you did with me and say they have to keep posting as it gives us hope.
i love you all and you have helped me so much and for all the comments that I have been an inspiration etc etfc it times like now that I feel like curling up and giving up that you bring me through and I thank you from the bottom of my heart (and tears)    obviously got me going again now thank you
love
susie


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!

i wont ask how we are all doing because it just seems that we are all going thru or have just been through so much cr%* of late.

aw susie...hun i just want to give you a hug   does your friend know what you have been going through recently? i know it knocks you for 6 when people just casually mention they are pg.. it just seems so bloody easy for everyone else or so it seems.. i know that a glass or few of vino is a great cure for the pain. like cinders said it's a set back it doesnt mean you are slipping into a hole. you know that im there 24/7 and even if im at work and you feel pants ring me (the signal is crap but i'll always ring you back) as for your gorgeous ds's bday. do what makes you and him happy, dont worry about everyone else. you cant make everyone happy. love you big much!! (as dd used to say) xx

hi cinders.. have a fab holiday hun, i know this is a nerve wracking time for you but im sending lots of  your way!

hi laineylou... love you big much too and hope you are ok.. thinking of you. 

hi moominemma.. have a lovely holiday too... im soooo jealous i could soooo do with some winter sun!!!

hi nanook!! you sexy minx you!! glad the interview went well hun.. would've loved to have been a fly on the wall for that interview!!

hi jo1983 how are you hun? glad i made you laugh! torchwood eh? i usually have to compete with the footy or the xbox!! (hmmm life in the fast lane!** dp has just said that i should mention that he has to compete with the site for my attention...  which is v true.. dam ive been busted again!) i did get a rather fabulous winners wotsit last night and i felt at one with the world though knackered for work!

hi lainey.. glad you are well and that the op was a sucess... how long do you have to wait before you can start ttc?

hi faithful... sending some   your way for the 2ww.. dont let it drive you crazy (easier said than done i know!)

hi pand pupo lady!! hope those little so and so's are behaving and that stella & bailey are doing well

well ive had an interesting day at work.. no mankey bits today but i did have a fab time talking to the hiv counsellor and going to an outreach group for young mothers. im sooo pooped still though and i hope i can cope with this full time lark!

tomorrow is our appt with the fertility cons.. im hoping it isnt going to be cancelled as i read in the local paper that one of the cons has been accused of sexual assault and that all of the tx etc are being stopped at my hosp   im going to go up there while im at work tomorrow!

hope you guys are all well. extra  for those that need them. hi to all inc honeyprincess, kateag,lyndalou,bubblicious,onlysam,EC,rachel, and anyone else ive missed but not forgotten.

[fly][size=14pt] AMANDA XX


----------



## tuck

Hello All

Susie, I really feel for you I really do.  However much you know the announcements are going to come you always try hard not to but invariably get that sinking feeling and knocked for 6 when they do.  I Am all smiles and congratulations at the time then go home and cry for England.  It is especially hard after a loss too    cos you keep on thinking it should have been me and   it will be but I know its hard darling.
I'm sure whatever you do for the little mans birthday he will love it - you'll never keep everyone happy and as long as he is ...

Missyb and gabrielle, ah now I see what you do, sounds very interesting!! 
Missy wishing you all the best for your appt tomorrow.

Nanook,  the story re. your interview I would have loved to interview you (yeah that is part of my job) I think you sound a fab candidate! and the supplementary question following the new skill love it!!! 

Lainey, a huge hurdle over, I'm glad the op went well

Pand hope you are ok    

hi to cinders, wendeth, faithfully hoping, jo and everyone else xx

Well been really busy last few days, extra time at work, plus gym (1st time in 4 months!!!!!) plus cycled ds to playgroup, - beats being only mum without a buggy with a baby in it!! not really   but does avoid it - plus you get fit too.
DS being a gem recently lots of "I wuv you mumas" he melts my heart.
DH not such a gem, he gets tired with job permanent nights (yes just wait till we ttc again not easy) he is also growing a beard which I don't like-  we don't really see too much of one another on our own which can be difficult.

Oh well, love and   to all

Night

Tuck


----------



## Jo1983

Hi everyone,

I really hope we are all feeling a bit happier today, it seems as though we've all had a really c**p time recently. Things can only get better as they say  

Susie hun, I really feel for you, and you certainly don't need to apologise for feeling that way. I wish I could just give you a big   and make it all better for you. It's so hard when someone has a pregnancy that your close to, and people are so insensitive in the way they tell us. Does your friend know what you have been going through recently, would it help at all to tell her how she made you feel? I had to have a chat with my friend the other day as she really upset me and she was very understanding....although it hasn't stopped the insensitive, idiotic comments! I really hope you are feeling better today hun and have got the rescue remedy to hand   As a lot of others have said, whatever you do for your ds's party he will love it.....as long as he is happy bugger everyone else. I wish we all lived close se we could do a wine, takeway, chocolate night as Cinders said   Take care hun, and you can always pm me to shout and rant I really don't mind, you're always here for me when I need you xxx   Ps. here's some sun for you, so you can pretend your on a lovely quiet beach somewhere with lots of wine and chocolate.  

Missy- Fingers crossed for your appointment going ahead today and I hope you can get some answers  Glad one of us is having some wotsit, hehe. I've only been married 17 months and I think we're like an old married couple now. Mind you it's mainly me, I've not been in the mood since my lap and dye and results, although as everyone tells me, it helps if you have more bms....how it helps I'm not sure as I've been told there's no chance! Hope you're not so tired today  

Cinders- Hope you have a great holiday, can we all come too? Is your suitcase big enough?    

Emma- Think you may be on to something with the water round here, I'm gonna substitute it with wine,    

Nanook- . Your interview technique is genius! I think you should have a change of career and be an interview advisor-everyone would get a job all the interview people would be too scared not to offer them the position,   fingers crossed for you, hope you get it.  

 to everyone else, it's so hard remembering everyone, lainey and lainey 2, tuck, bubbs, and everyone else too  

Well I'm finally going back to work on Monday night. I've been off for 3 weeks, gp signed me off after I burst into tears at the surgery. I work 7pm - 3am Mon to Fri so am going to find it hard getting back into a routine. At least it's half term so I won't have to do the school run half asleep. Got myself some recue remedy thanks ladies. I'm feeling bit more positive about things and not long to go to my appointment now.
I was at school yeterday and saw a really bad motorbike accident.....it was an older man over 50 and he clipped a car and flew straight into the back window of a jeep with one of the Mum's sitting in the front. It was all so scary, I've never seen anything like that and it really shook me up. Think he's broken both legs and his pelvis. Hope the poor man's ok. The fire brigade had to cut him out, it was so dramatic! Just lucky the kids hadn't come out of school when it happened.
Anyhow, love to all, I'm off to do the cleaning and ironing again.

Take care  

Jo xxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Girls - just gone for day 3 bloods in ready for Jinemed.... ....if my FSH gets any higher Im just going to  ....been taking DHEA so hopefully that will have helped..x

Missy what job do you do then....I work in Gynae/Urology theatres and also recovery hence why I know my endo cons very well...you can imagine how nervous I was the day of my op...

Suszy -   ...Hope you are ok honey..not long till test results...you will be on yr way again.....   

Lots of        ...for everyone....

Dh and I have decided we are def going to move to Oz, feel life has been on hold too long and we have to go and find adventure and not be upset anymore, try and make the most of the hand God has dealt us......so watch this space........


----------



## reetpetite

hello ladies, sorry i've not been around. had a sh*tty week. got a bfp on sunday, decided i was going to be positive about it (and decided not to tell on here because i know what its like when someone new comes in and gets a bfp straight away) anyway, all went well rang LWH and we have an appt for next thurs for a scan.

then weds started spotting, started bleeding yesterday and got a bfn. its not another mc, its a cp, but i still feel like crap about it. and to top it off, today is a year since my ep was removed. im snapping at ds, dh, the fish...

sorry for me post, i hope you are all well and will be back later to catch up. ds has audiology appt at 4!

RP x


----------



## Jo1983

Oh Reet hun,  

I'm so so sorry, I know nothing I say will help. But if you want to talk I'm here. I have no idea how you must be feeling such a high and then such a low, but we are all here for you hun.  

You're bound to be snapping at everyone...it's natural, we all do it and you always take things out on those that are closest to you.

Take care of yourself and don't worry about the me post, write more if it helps you.



Love and hugs
Jo
xxx


----------



## reetpetite

thank you, i just feel like a fecking defective pram. ie, for some reason just cant keep a baby inside. and i feel so ill with it too, and of course i cant use tampons (sorry if tmi) so it feels like a mc. 

and going around my head is "this time last year you allowed them to kill your baby"

i know i had to have the op, but why is it so difficult? i was so sure that i'd be pg again by now


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls 
I started a message than somehow pressed a wrong button and it disappeared.

reet        just want to send you lots of love and healing and so sorry this has happened esp today, what  a cruel blow and am so sorry, thinking of you

missby - thanks for being so supportive it means such a lot and i hope today went well and let us know how you got on.  I decided this time not to go into all the details with everyone as it easier that way so she not know all the details but does know my hist.

gab - i like the new sign in, whats diff about it is it the crosses?  hope the bloods etc go well and bet you are nervous, thanks for the support.  Your job sounds interesting and will get you lots of points for Oz, I was watching the Wanted down under this am and was a bit tempted myself!  Dont get the results for a while as have to wait for the tests - we have appt on 31 march to discuss with cons.

Jo - Thanks for your support as ever and glad you got some rescue remedy, sounded like you needed one after seeing that accident, sounds horrible.  I decided not to tell a few of the girls this time so only started telling a few when I was preg and although I had discussed Ed with them last Nov I then stopped talking about it so they could have guessed.  I think its all just so unfortunate and I know she had to tell her sister as well who is struggling having kids but its more the thought that my other friends know and have been discussing it and are all closer to each other than me now and that upsets me! Feel left out enough as it is, I think in these positions telling me first would have been better but then I did not tell them til I m/c as the right opp not come up.  its also the loss of the fact that we could have done together and it will be a constant reminder.  Your job sounds hard hope you get back into the routine ok.

Tuck - have lovely image of you peddling to school! bet the other mums are jealous, my ds been particularly loving at the moment too - they seem to know dont they?  Your job sounds interesting too, if I have to get a job I might pick your brains for tips! although think Nanook was the best at it!
I must admit I dont like beards either.  Think more the shock of this as was not expecting it although if I think about it had thought she had put a bit of weight on but thought from other baby who only one in nov just gone (and eldest boy about 9 months younger than ds)

laineylou - glad you had a good day today and had lunch with kelway - that must have been lovely! I think everyone worries if you dont post when sometimes you are just having a break.  the car sounds good too.  have a good weekend and half term

lainey2 - glad you are recovering well.

Cinders - hope you enjoy your hol, it will be so great.  thanks for the offer of wine and takeaway how wonderful would that have been and perhaps we should do it but in the chat room one sat night or fri?
Perhaps we could ask Rob lowe to come too!  That made me smile through my tears!

moom - have a wonderful hol and think its a great idea esp at this time of year

gayn/lyndalou/honeyprincess /whippet/angel/kateag/EC/ bubs - hope you are all doing good     

faithful - how are you doing    

pand - thanks for your support as ever and lots of love and    tp you, one week down one to go!! the second is the worst but hopefully you will be out and about as its half term?

wendeth     

nanook - hope you are ok how was the induction and when do you start oh sexy lady, glad dh being better must have been the low cut top = perhaps do more often!

Off out tonight for to meet some ff ladies so should be good just wish I could get a driver!
just think was having my first this time last night, luckily there is none in the house
have had quite a nice day with ds off, snuggled up on sofa, did some reading/spelling /maths watched bit of tv and had a sleep and think might have a bath.

take care my lovies
thinking and wishing you the best as ever and might not be on as much over next few days/weeks but we all in same pos I think
love you lots
susie


----------



## tuck

Oh reet

I am so so sorry  sending you   - life is so unfair! i am sorry you feel ill with it too.

I can understand how you feel re. this time last year and big hugs for that sad anniversary - mine was 3 days ago for my ectopic.  Please don't be so hard on yourself though.  Your baby like mine had to be taken to save your life and there is nothing you could have done -    and like you i thought i'd be pg again - its so hard!

It doesn't seem like you have a prob getting pregant  - have you had all the tests run, is there nothing they can do once you do get pregnant, apologies if you've explained this somewhere else.

Big   and talk as much as you want to, we do understand and i think it helps to get it out.

Thinking of you.

tuckxx


----------



## reetpetite

thanks girls. i keep trying to tell myself that it wasnt a mc, but it still hurts like b*ggery. i'd got all excited. decided that an early bfp was a good omen, even dh saw it so it wasnt _that_ faint.

consultant says theres nothing they can do, the problem is likely to be something going wrong at conception, but we can have the NK cells test if we wish. but £600 is a lot of money (will have to travel up there too) and dh is a student so cant afford it yet.


----------



## *Lollipop*

Reet................  ....sorry honey...xxx


----------



## missyb

helloooo ladies!

how are we today?

right lets catch up...

reet.. hun im so so sorry. i wish i knew the right words to say to take away the pain.  please pm me if you want to talk. i cant make it hurt less but i can listen and you can get it all out xx thinking of you hun xx

hi gabs... im a staff nurse in sexual health.. more about that later!! i cant imagine how you felt seeing the cons and people you know so well. having said that i did know the nurse that was looking after me and she has now seen my fanuli! (which usually takes dinner and a few drinks first!!)

hi jo.. what a horrible thing to see.. hope you are ok as it must've been such a shock. lol with the old married couple bit! sometimes it goes like that. when me and dp were first together we were like rabbits and i used to go to work for a rest!! hope that work goes well on monday xx

hi tuck how are you hun? sounds like you are taking some positive steps.. im going to go back to the gym tomorrow and start being more regular.. (well thats the idea)

hi susie.. fab to speak to you yesterday! how are you feeling today? hope you have a lovely time out tonight xx 

hi cinders... hope you are enjoying the holiday xx

hi lainey-lou... hope you are ok hun xx thinking of you.   


hi to all those ive missed but havent forgotten!

now work today was fab and i got to do alot more 'hands on' (probably not the best turn of phrase for sexual health!!) and i actually did lots of swabs on men..they better pray that me and col donbt have an argument before i do their tests!!!

had my appt with the fertility cons.. he has put me on a 6mth course of clomid.. im praying it works as im not sure what the next step is for us.. anyway, thats a long way off yet.

hope you are all well and have a lovely weekend.


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Reet - so sorry, it  must be so hard to have a bfp and then have it taken away from you like that  . Also it's so rubbish when money gets in the way of you getting the treatment you need to have. 

Suszy - hope you're feeling a bit better, it's so hard when people you know get pregnant and it's just all going wrong for you. Lots of  . Try and think about starting again, and the fact that they're going to do checks re the miscarriages, it may help you to feel more positive.

Pand - Hope you're doing ok and recovering from your rubbish week at work (read your diary).

missyb - good news that you're going to start clomid, all the best with it.

Faithful xx


----------



## whippet

Hi Guys seems to be lots of couples out there from me struggling the now and some negative mental attitide. There is not always anything we can say to make it better but thought perhaps a huge group hug was in order to let people know othere were thinking about them                                                

Whippet x


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

I'm really sorry everyone else is having such an awful time of it at the moment.  Have a   from me.  

I'm going to apologise in advance for a real me post today, cos I know I should take the time to send you all little messages of love, but I'm not in a great place myself today either.

I am due to go to Centre Parcs tomorrow so I won't be online til next Sunday evening, so I wanted to wish you all a good week and hope that the sunshine picks you all back up a bit (including me!).  

Well I've got through week one of my 2ww.  I was feeling quietly confident that things had worked and was avoiding coming online cos I didn't want to see anything to convince me that it might not work.  

I did do an hpt this morning, knowing fully well it would be negative as test day isn't til Friday.  I was just curious and hoping that by some miracle I might be able to go on my holiday able to relax and enjoy my time there.  But of course it was a BFN.  I was okay with that and it hasn't yet convinced me that I'm not pregnant.  BUT  what it did do was make me face up to the possibility that on Friday it could well be a BFN.  I have been deliberately trying not to even think about that outcome.  I was stood in the shower and it suddenly hit me.  If felt so painful and brought all the pain of my mc back too.  I should have been going away 8 months pregnant tomorrow.  I shouldn't be sitting here waiting for yet another bomb shell to deal with.  I can't bear the thought of a BFN on Friday.  Crying and dragging everyone else down with me yet again.  Whatever the outcome is, it has already been decided and it's just cruel to hang it out another 5 days.  I just feel so down.  I really wanted to enjoy my holiday but instead I'm going to be spending it worrying about the outcome and checking to see if AF has arrived (it would normally land about Weds).  I just don't know if I've got any strength left to pick myself up again.

As I said, I'm really sorry for the me post and to leave on such a down note, but I wouldn't expect any good news next weekend if I were you!

Keep swinging guys.

Love you all
Pand


----------



## whippet

Pand its not over till the fat lady sings hang in there   

Whippet x


----------



## Jo1983

Hey Pand

It's not all over yet. I guess that thinking the worst is everyones way of coping. But as whippet said it's not over til the fat lady sings.

  for you 

Have a lovely holiday and try and relax a bit 

Jo xx


----------



## missyb

hi pand...first of all  .. those hpt's have alot to answer for.   i know ive done them knowing full well i'll get a bfn and then cried my eyes out when i have got a bfn!! i know it's different in your case as you've had the m/c and the test and the holiday bring that all to a head.. but dont forget you have tested way too early   and as they girls have said it aint over till the fat lady sings!!!



amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

......we dont like early HPT's do we?................ 

Pand - Ive sent a PM.....

MissyB - Well if its not fanuli's...widges and other things what can I say....actually it is reassuring working with my Gynaecologist as Ive seen him in action.... ....in theatre I mean.... ........
I also have a few barriers I wont cross like I have never called him by his first name and dont think I ever will and also dont really discuss my treatment and prognosis at work, leave it for when I see him in Clinic and I think it works really well like that...

Hope the new job is working well..its got to be better than ward work though and more interesting too as everyday will be different...I couldnt see myself working on a ward now..

Take care and love and luck to all.........xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

same here! i miss the girls on the ward as we had a fab laugh, but the ward was so heavy i always felt that given my history and the type of ward that i worked on (elderly rehab) that i was never going to get pg! it's much more chilled where i am. it sounds like you've got the right kind of relationship with your cons... keeping work at work and the other issues for clinic.. it must be tempting at time not to!

it's been a glorious day here and it has lifted my spirits. i did an opk today and i think it was positive.. i say think.. i went for a wee dipped the test and then dp was bursting for one too.. so i didnt check it till he was done! it was the same thickness as the control line.. so what do you think  ? 

hope you guys are all ok.. i will get back to doing personals in a bit.


amanda 

xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls
I am feeling a bit better thanks to you lot (although have a dodgy tummy)
Thanks for everything you lot mean the world to me and you have saved my life.
you mean the world to me.

Pand  so sorry sweetheart - know exactly where you are coming from - its fatal to test early but we all do it, we want the reassurance to see something to put our minds at rest  but in fact its the worst thing we can do.  Its so hard sweetheart and I so wish you all the luck and pma and peace in the world.  There is still a huge chance its worked and lets face it they hve only been inside a week and when you start reading stuff about the preg hormone it does not really become really strong in the blood/urine for weeks so the likihood of it being postive after only 7 days are small.  You have such a good chance and you need to try and enjoy this week of where you might be preg as opposed to knowing that you are not.  You know I tested early and Ang wrote me a message saying I needed to keep positive as I still might be preg and that I should enjoy the time and when I got a positve you could have knocked me down with a feather and I did ruin the last few days of the possibility of being preg by being convinced it had not - does that make sense?  I know its hard and thanks so much for supporting me as you have helped me so much I just want to be here for you and to wish you all the best and also that you enjoy you trip to cparcs even though it has mixed painful thoughts mixed in and you will probably see loads of bloody bumps and babes too boot.  As ever I am not sure what I would have done without you lot and I am here for you. 

gab - seems like you have a good working relationship wth your gyne! The registrar we saw is called George and he was lovely and so understanding!

missby-    you are a great person and always so supportive   
bubb - glad it did not go as bad as you thought and glad things are getting done, you and missby will be on clommid together and you will need all the support you can get as they do make you have mood swings!! and very emotional - hopefully it will do the trick re ovulating! 

whippet the group hugs were so nice and comforting      

faithful - thanks for your kind supportive words and good luck with the 2ww - how are you feeling     

tuck      good luck back at the gym

jo hope you are ok     thanks for your supporting words as ever

cinders - hope you are having a good time on hol

lainey - lou - hope you still doing good honey 

reet - thinking of you darling - its so hard - we about to do that nk test 550 in liverpool, not sure where you live or where you have to go for it but you are welcome to stay with us, it might be worth it - its so hard as it all so expensive - dh said we could not affort to go out yesterday for the day and we are still thinking about ds party - its so hard - thinking of you - is there anything you could sell on ebay??

lyndalou, gayn, honeyprincess, moom,  nanook    

girls i have a busy few days so not sure how much i will be on - thinking of you all as ever
just watching a tearful film with dh so crying again.
just wanted to say love you all and thanks so much for everything
hopefully when I come back i will be better
love
susie


----------



## missyb

hi susie,

sorry you have a dodgy tum.. but im glad you are feeling better. you are always so supportive of us all even when you are going thru your own times of need. i have to agree that this site has been a life saver and i'd be lost without it! hope you enjoy your weepy susie xx text me if you get a chance.. if not im always lurking around here!


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi girls

Anyone watching Dancing on Ice - that Chris Fountin is flippin great isnt he!  

Just thought Id share that thought - lol

xx


----------



## Jo1983

Nanook

I totally agree with you about Chris Fountain.....he's bloody amazing.( i think he's a bit of alright too)  

Think my dh has got me tickets to see it in Notts for my B'day

xx

Love to all will do personals tomo I'm off to have a relaxing bath as ds is at his Dad's


----------



## bubblicous

oh pand hunni    hope you dont get the same answer on friday   

well as for me not been on for a few days spent yesterday at the seaside with the girls and dh was nice 

af arrived this morning so due to start my clomid tomorrow very nervous and scared but it has to happen

im crampy and crabit just now so im going to go a be lazy and watch tv with my dh


----------



## missyb

hi bubs ive sent you a pm! sorry af arrived hun but it's good news in that you can get started with the clomid now. enjoy your relaxing evening.

mwah


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

hey missy


i have sent u a wee pm back xxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi all

Hope you've had a good weekend, went out shopping for ski stuff yesterday and spent too much money on a new Jacket. Just tried it on with my trousers and my old Jacket looks better!!! Most annoying. Guess I'll have to take it back then!!!

Pand - Ignore hpt, it's way too early for anything to show up, I know how you feel though. I woke up this morning feeling completely negative for the first time and you just want to know one way or another - so you can crack open the pinot grigio if nothing else!!!! Hang on in there and try and enjoy Centerparcs. At least you have had a pregnancy recently so your body can't be completely anti-bfp (like mine seems to be!!!)

Bubblicious - all the best with the Clomid, you'll be fine. It's quite exciting trying new treatment to start with as it gives you hope.


Gabrielle - must be very odd working with your gynae!!! All the best with Oz...

Suszy - Thanks for thinking of me. I'm doing ok, keeping myself busy, trying not to think about things too much!!!

Felt quite odd last night, kind of anxious, not sure why. Perhaps its all the hormones. Then when I woke up this morning I felt really negative about tx for the first time. Oh well, I'm glad it's half term this week, my dd will keep me company and stop me getting all forlorn!!!

Take Care all

Faithful xxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Missy just one question when was yr first day then...I mean what day in yr cycle are you...now im really confused by mine now....you are right...I do get tempted sometimes I just say ooohhh will be coming to see you next week then and he'll say ohh what about then...its a shame his spec is endo and not Fert but who's complaining...hopefully Jinemed will be more helpful than my last clinic..

 ....Belly ring in.................

Suszy  

love to you all...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Very quiet on here today, where is everyone?

Guess everybody's busy as it's half term.

Got to go and vacuum, got some friends coming over tonight and there's dog hair everywhere!

Faithful xx


----------



## SUSZY

hi
Been in bed all day as was up all night as in 12 to 5 am with exploding tummy (sorry tmi!) felt so bad - think normally could have fought it off but could not this time.  Feel like i have been such a wimp these last few days and have spent another lovely day in bed as it was so sunny today but am going to try and come back with a venegance!
Its just so frustrating has had lovely day planned with friend visiting a farm near Garstang with her and her 4 year old and then go back to hers for nice wine and meal as her hubbie a chef! but not to be.
Now dh home and wants to come on here to finish something.
Love to you all
missy thanks for your continued support
faithfu keep positive hon - at least you can get your money back!!! Its so nice you can have that to look forward to - wish we were going skiing now - hope you did well with the hoovering my house is a tip, I really need to get back on track clean and sort house, sort some more of ds toys out, sort out baby stuff i have for my cousin who due in a few weeks - give myself a kick up the ****! spring clean my brain!
bubb - its good you can get on with clommid and you and missby can do it together!
pand hope you are having fun in cparcs - just imagining you in the swimming pool
Gab - love to you, your trip getting closer  
nanook/jo    have not been watching it but maybe I should
reet      
tuck, cinders, lainey-lou,lainey 2 honeyprincess, chimer, lyndalou, gayn, angel,  kate ag EC
Wendeth whippet                           
Think we all appreciated these so did some more
love you  all
Susie


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## missyb

evening ladies!! how are you all?? im sooo pooped after work that i could quite easily go to bed now!!


hi suzy... im so sorry that u still have the tummy bug   it does take it out of you. do u have any diaorlyte (?sic) it replaces all your lost salts etc? make sure you take care of yourself hun. xx 

hi gabs im on cd 12. i did an opk yesterday and think i got a positive but then i did another one today and i think that one was more negative.. so now im really   im not sure whats going on and i only have 1 opk left!!! glad you got your belly ring in again!! xx

hi bubs how are you doing hun? i picked up my presription for clomid today so it all seems v real. having said that the optimistic side of me hopes that i dont need them!!

hi faithful.. how are you? my girls arent on half term till next week so that should be fun!!

hi pand... how are you doing hun? im off in a tick to see if you have updated your diary.  .


hi to gayn,honeyprincess,kateag,ec,whippet,rp, and anyone ive missed but not forgotten!


amanda xx


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## *Lollipop*

Evening all....

Suszy - Hope you feel better soon sweetie... 

Missyb - I see You are a week behind me then me thinks...WARNING...have you ever taken clomid before...My dh used to call them monster pills...just makes you a wee bit tempramental but you could be one of the lucky ones and be fine...no side effects....anyway just warn off dh ok..... 

Pand -  ...thinking of you

Hello to everyone else and take care...


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## missyb

hi gabs!! when we went to the fert clinic and the consultant was saying that mood swings were a side effect of clomid dp said 'deep joy no change there then!!!' im dreading it as i havent taken clomid before and im a complete nightmare just before af!!!


amanda xx


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## bubblicous

ffh - i would go and buy new trousers not take the jacket back bu then again im naughty    hope your well 

missy - i pmd u hope you good hunni that good you have the nutty pills in the house now dont read the info sheet it scared me i told dh i was gonna end up a hormonal bald insomnica after reading as you can guess he was dead happy   

gab - the monster pills omg a bit scary i took my first today how are u 

suzy - hope you feel better soon sweetie  


so cd 2 for me and my first 50mg clomid felt very light headed after taking it and v sleepy thank god dh was home he sent me back to bed  as he said i looked like i was gonna keel over after a while i felt fine and did some gardening and cleaned under the stairs out lovely job

well all im off for the night xxxx


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## emilycaitlin

New home this way..........

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=128895.0


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