# Feeling low



## eightandahalfweeks (May 18, 2005)

I'm new to Fertility Friends, although I joined two years ago when I had my first IVF cycle. Amazingly, it resulted in my beautiful baby daughter, Lola, now 16 months. We had the treatment at CERAM in Marbella, and I could never understand people saying IVF was stressful as we found it to be a very positive experience.
Since then, things have been different. We had four frozen embryos in Spain, which we went back for when Lola was nine months. Unfortunately, none survived. We then had another full cycle in Spain six weeks later, last October. That was also unsuccessful.
I live in Surrey, and was then horrified to find I couldn't get an appointment at my local clinic in Woking for seven months, so I opted to go to the Nuffield in Glasgow, where my family is. I discovered that cycle worked last Tuesday, although my HCG was only 17. On Friday I began to miscarry.
I'm now really struggling with it all. I feel it's affecting my marriage, my time with my very precious daughter and I'm an emotional wreck.
I so desperately want Lola to have a brother or sister, and since I'm 40 in November I feel I'm running out of time.
When will I know when to stop? Will I ever be happy with that decision?
We have three frozen embryos in Glasgow, which we'll try, then I - finally - have an appointment in Woking in June, so I'm going to do it at least another twice. But I just have this feeling of doom - is this all pointless, and should we give up?
I'd love to get my life back to 'normal', be able to work properly (I work from home and just can't face it at the moment), and just be happy with the life we have. But I can't seem to let it go.
I'd love to hear from anyone whose frozen embryos were a success, as I don't feel positive about it at all.

Lorna


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi Lorna

I just wanted to send you a huge hug   I remember the pain of wanting a sibling for my ds and my (Ceram!) girls weren't born until a month before he was 14 so he had a long wait for them too.

I wish I could say something that would help but can only offer a cyber hug 

I wish you all the best with your FETs and appt in June - Could you go back to Ceram ?  

Love Jennifer xx xx


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## eightandahalfweeks (May 18, 2005)

Congratulations! Your girls are just gorgeous. CERAM and Ruth were wonderful, but it's becoming too expensive to go back unfortunately, as we're both self-employed, and taking two - three weeks off adds a lot to the cost. Might still be an option though ...
Lorna xx


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## becca (Jul 7, 2002)

just sending you a big 

we are all here for you

xxxx


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## shiabni12 (Nov 26, 2003)

Hi Lorna

sorry to hear that you have been having such a difficult time recently, I'm in a similar situation in that it took me 5 cycles of txt, with numerous mc and OHSS along the way, to get my gorgeous ds and now I am desperate for him to have a sibling too.
My ds was a frozen embie, so I can def vouch that it can be successful, I am currently in the middle of another FET cycle hoping to have et on the 18th May, after that I will have one more FET and that will be the end of the road for us, well thats what I say now but when the time comes I don't know if I will feel ready to stop!!!
Sorry I've not been much help, but please come and join us on the Another Miracle thread, we are all in similar situations and it would be great to see you posting on there 

LOL
Kate


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## Hopeful emma (Apr 10, 2007)

Hello Lorna,

I feel exactly the same.

I was 40 in december so am a year older than you. i had my lovely boy in april 2004 after a first try at ivf. i ahve just finishde my first cycle of trying for number two and it was drastically diffrent from the first time. I found it much more stressful that the fisrt time. mostly becuse i responded really badly (only 4 eggs and only 2 embryos of not great quality) and with a little one there is not time to rest and deal with the emotional side of it. I had a chemical pregnancy and it was really sad and horrible. I am starting to feel like i am not guranteed baby number two and how mcuh money can we spend and how much of an emotional rollercoaster can i stand before i have to admit defeat.

i think for my next cycle in June i am going to take some advice i have seen on here - I will try to not get too emotionally involved, and tell myself i am just going through some medical procedures.

gotta go im at work and should be working!

em x


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