# Hi, new and needing support and friends ^



## lizt (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi everyone,
I,m so glad I found this site, it helps so much to see others feeling the same way as I do and going through the same things, I know I am not alone but sometimes it feels so overwhelming. 
This is a little about me, I hope this helps get an idea of where I am at with all this.

Firstly I am British but living in Toronto, Canada, so if you post me a reply there may be a delay in me responding but I will respond! I came out here in 2002 and am working s a nanny. I am single and I guess it was a year and a half ago that it dawned on me that I could no longer wait for my prince charming! If I wanted to have children I was going to have to do this alone, little did I know the can of worms I was opening and the roller coaster ride I was about to board. 

I found a fabulous clinic and doctor here in Toronto and in January 2006 I started having IUI's. The first two cycles where without drugs other then Ovidrel with no success, I then tried a cycle with clomid and I still had only one follicle and no success. I guess that is when I realised this was not going to be as simple as I had hoped, I had thought that I had had no fertility problems other then the lack of the essential male component but it became clear that perhaps my age was a problem as everything else was fine. So I started using puregon and on my fourth cycle (two follicles) I had a chemical pregnancy. After a break of a couple of months I tried again on a higher dose of puregon and became pregnant. I was so unbelievably happy. At six weeks I had some bleeding and I went in and had an ultrasound which showed that I was pregnant with twins but that one looked as if it wasn't doing well at all and the other has a really low heartbeat, I went for another scan a week later and it was confirmed that it was a single pregnancy and the heartbeat had risen but was borderline. Although I was sad and upset about the baby that had not survived I was so happy that I was still pregnant as I had been convinced they were not going to find any heartbeats at all. At eight weeks I went for another scan and was told that the heartbeat was now normal everything was looking great and that somehow it also seemed that the other baby was now growing. I was shocked as was my doctor, after all he only can go on what the ultrasound technicians give him, I asked what this meant, did it mean the baby was viable and he didn't know but that to come back in two weeks and there should be a definitive answer. I went back two weeks later and knew by the end of the ultrasound that there were no heartbeats at all. Nothing can prepare you for that, nothing, I have never felt so alone and completely devastated. That was at the beginning of November last year and I have been to counseling to help me deal with the loss and the overwhelming emotions that come with it. This January I did my last IUI with no success which didn't surprise me, the day before it my employers told me they would not be needing me as of the end of May and my stress levels went through the ceiling. It was not just the thought of getting a new job, that I can cope with but the fact that I knew it meant my time trying to conceive was limited to a couple of months only and then that would have to be it, after all I can hardly start a new job and say oh by the way I need time off for IVF. 

So I have one more attempt and then that is that. I shall be doing ICSI with AH, it's all or nothing at this point. I could have done this cycle but the egg retrieval etc would have landed right at the time when my employer is scheduled for a C-secion and it was clear that would have been way too stressful for all of us. I am hoping to start everything in my next cycle at the beginning of March but it is touch and go as to whether this gives enough time before the next egg retrieval week my dr has scheduled, if it doesn't fit in then the next cycle should be a definite.

I feel like I am at a major crossroads in my life at the moment and I am scared stiff of having to face never having my own child, I am hoping and praying that the ivf will work.

So, there it is, my last chance of having a baby, looking for a job and a place to live and dealing with the imminent arrival of me employers baby...........it's all a little hard to deal with right now. Any support would be greatly appreciated especially anyone who is dealing with similar issues, we could be a support for each other. 

I am sorry this has been so long winded, I just want people to know where I am so if I am down etc you'll know why!

Wishes of hope to everyone out there and hugs to all those who need one.


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## *Scooby* (Sep 16, 2006)

Lizt

Welcome to FF  Firstly   you have been through so much. One thing is for sure this IF lark is such a rollercoaster of emotions as you will know. I have never experienced what you have been through but there are lots of people on this site who have and I am sure that you will get get support from them.

I will leave you a couple of links.

This one is for the IUI Board ~ http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=7.0
This one is for the ICSI Board ~ http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=31.0

Good Luck and 

Linda xx


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## lizt (Feb 10, 2007)

Thanks so much for replying Linda, I hope everything goes well for you in March  , is that when you start the whole process or when the egg retrieval and transfer will be?

Liz


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi Liz, and a huge huge welcome to FF honey 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. My heart goes out to you hun, it truly does  you have been through so much already, I have everything crossed for you that you get your miracle soon       

Linda has given you a couple of good links there, so be sure to check them out. We also have a very special board on FF called "Forget Me Not" where we can post messages for our lost angels 

For Forget Me Not *CLICK HERE**

We also have a lovely thread on Donor Sperm/Eggs called "Calling all single women" - you should introduce yourself on there hunnie, you will get lots of advice, support and understanding
For Calling all Single Women CLICK HERE

Why not try our chatroom too? It is so good to talk to people who really understand what you are going through. If you are unsure how to use the chatroom, just send myself or Dizzi Squirrel a personal message and we will be happy to meet you in there for a one2one session to show you around  I am pretty sure the time difference wont be a problem Liz cos there is usually someone in there all the time! 

Wishing you lots of love, hugs and 
Tracy
xxx*


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## lizt (Feb 10, 2007)

Thankyou Tracey for replying to my post, I am a little down today so it means alot to hear from you. Your links are great and I am sure they will be really useful, thankyou. The chat room looks like a good idea, I shall try and see if I can work it myself if not I shall post you a request for help.

Wishing you every good luck in your journey,

Liz


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Here's a huggle for you Liz cos you are so down   hope you feel better soon  

If you try to get into chat and you get a blank page with a red X in the top corner then you will need to download the updated version of Java.  Just let me know and I will let you have the link (it's free by the way   )

Love
Tracy
xdxx


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## Purdycat (Nov 29, 2006)

Hi Liz

Just read your story and wanted to send you a big hug fom England.  I lived in France for a short while and know how these things can hit you hard anywhere and especially hard when you're away from home, so although we don't know each other wanted to send you some cyber support!  Please don't feel alone and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Love Ellie xxx


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## Elodie (Nov 28, 2006)

Dear Lizt

So sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time at the moment - here's a   from me to you.

I am sure you will find lots of help and support on this site.  

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are getting on  .

Love
Elodie
x


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## lizt (Feb 10, 2007)

Thank-you Ellie and  Elodie for your posts,

It is difficult being away from family but i do have some great friends here that I see as family and they have been really supportive, I,m really lucky to have them, I have no idea how I would have got through this past year otherwise. All my family other then my dad know what I am doing, my mum is 81 and she never ceases to amaze me how open minded she can be, I thought she might have a problem with the whole sperm donor thing, but no, she has been totally supportive. It has been agreed by the family as a whole to keep my dad in the dark about what  I am doing as he is 82 and is a compulsive worrier, my mum is convinced the shock would kill him and I know he would worry himself sick, it is difficult though because he is always around so I have these weird coded conversations on the phone with my mum. I am sure he knows something is up as I was really down after the miscarriage and am certainly not my usual happy self, I can't even disguise it on the phone, I think he has got things round the wrong way though and thinks I had an abortion (I told him I had to have a minor surgical procedure and he asked my mum if I was pregnant). Of course my dad will find out if, please god, I get pregnant but not until I am a fair way along. I really wanted to tell him and was going to at Christmas, I even wrote him a letter as I felt I was too emotional to tell him face to face but my family talked me out of it, I think they were right.


Sending hugs back your way as I know you guys are also going through hard times too . I am unable to see the post scripts on the bottom of your posts now that I am replying but I know one of you is waiting to start treatment in March, I wish you every good luck and have my fingers crossed for you. For the one who is not, my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry things have not worked out for you .


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi lizt and welcome to the site 

So sorry to hear of your problems in trying for a baby but i hope the site can offer u plenty of advice and support

Kate xx​


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## lizt (Feb 10, 2007)

Thanks Kate,

Hope you find the IVF evening useful, I learnt so much on mine.

Liz x


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## louby1975 (Feb 9, 2007)

Hi, wot a story u have 2 tell, well done on getting this far alone! i dont think i could have without my DH! 

try 2 keep your chin up and stay , u have so much going on right now, use this site as much as you can- the links are very good, 

take care and let us no how things are going louXXXXX


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