# May I join on here?



## BikerGirl (Mar 15, 2006)

Hello ladies!
Our daughter will be 1 this week and I already have an appointment with our consultant (which isn't till July) but we'll be trying naturally in the meantime. 
I still haven't quite got my head round this, but I'll be 35 this year and while many would consider that to be 'young' for a lot of reasons I don't feel it is right for me to be trying to get pregnant after that time. Of course as it gets closer I might change my mind...originally my 'cutoff age' was 33 but IF makes you push so many boundaries you'd never have thought you'd want to cross!!
I love being a mummy to M. My husband and I still sometimes look at her and can't believe we have her. And....here's the niggly bit....if I had all the time in the world I probably would wait another year as if we are successful in this our time and attention will necessarily be divided. We started talking about No2 when M was just a few months old, but in the meantime I've had to have back surgery which put everything on hold. I'm trying to look at the long term ...I have three siblings and couldn't imagine my life without them. My husband is an only child and really really hates it. So in a way, we're thinking of doing this more for M than 'for us' right now. Still, it was all so stressful before that we've given ourselves a target and if it doesn't happen by then, then so be it as it wouldn't be fair to bring all that stress and negativity into M's life. We are still immensely lucky and blessed to even have one. 
But of course...when we were trying for M, it was so totally overwhelming and we were so focussed on that. Whereas now it all feels so different. We're not 'desperate' anymore. But that's the only way I know how to long for a baby. So all this feels so 'tame' in comparison. Am I alone in this? From lurking on here I get the impression that some feel just as strongly/desperate/angry in wanting a second child that I'm beginning to question myself. I do know I WANT another child. It's just that this time the want feels different. Anyone else have these doubts?


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## Rah (Jun 9, 2006)

I felt the same as you, until we actually started treatment! Now because of the setbacks I wished I tried for Number 2 a little earlier. I thought the pressure was off and counted my blessings but I am well and truly sucked in now. Guess the real test for you will be how you feel after seeing the consultant. We are all so different, never question yourself, we are who we are and all react differently to situations.....2 months ago I said to DH this is too stressful, lets just stay the 3 of us......now I am singing a different song (although felt like stopping again last week). Us women are unpredictable.....I would suggest go with the flow (pardon the pun).

Here if you need me x 

Sarah


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## Tinx (Sep 2, 2005)

I echo Sarah and her wise words! I wasnt sure if we were ready for another baby initiallly and felt I would have waited if time and my body was on my side, but as no, we opted to think of staring tx this summer, well, we got caught up with it all and now am half way through FET! I am very desperate for number 2 but its VERY different to before. In some ways its easier but in other ways the longing is worse! Us women!! Even now I have daily panis that we are doing the wrong things, that we should wait or that we have left it too late.... in our circumstances we have too much to think and worry about. I guess go with the flow!!!! and see how you feel. Best wishes xx Tinx xx


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## BikerGirl (Mar 15, 2006)

Thanks for your words. I guess it's never the 'right' time even in the best of circumstances. I had so many friends putting off things until they saw what was going on with me and panicked! Needless to say they all had babies before me!!!
I think part of the reason I feel this way is that due to my back problem and surgery in January I feel I have missed out on so much with M already that I kind of wish I had that time back to make up for it. I still can't lift her up and it's so awfully hard to see others holding her and lifting her up when I can't do that. I am only now beginning to be able to hold her on my lap. You're right though...we'll just take this as it comes!


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## FLH (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi

I would also echo what everyone is saying. I think that you should enjoy every minute of that nice content feeling. I felt exactly the same for about 18 months after having my son and I worried that I must not want another baby as much as other people. I feel really lucky that I had that time of peace and contentment. I have now had my planning appointment and I am waiting to start treatment for baby number 2. I have two good friends who are pregnant and several work colleagues too. Suddenly I have been overwhelmed by the old feelings of panic, sadness and longing. I have so much fun with my little boy that I am sure I will never feel as low as I did the first time round but I think we all need to just accept that whatever we are feeling is normal and that there are plenty of people on FF who can totally understand.

Good luck and best wishes

Frankie x


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