# Anyone else feel like this?!



## PocketRocket (Dec 1, 2008)

Hi everyone,


Just wondered if anyone out there is feeling the same as me...   


We got our first BFP last July (on our first go of ICSI) and I gave birth to our little miracle in April this year. My pregnancy was fantastic (probably because I was so elated to be growing a baby, I wouldn't let anything ruin that!) and I am thoroughly enjoying being a mummy. 


Although it is still early days, I am loving parenthood sooooo much that I can't stop thinking about having another one (probably hormones are still raging too!!). However, seeing as falling pregnant isn't easy for us, I am feeling quite anxious about having to go through the whole ICSI process again. DH and I have discussed going for it again once LO is about a year old and in the meantime, we will just enjoy our angel and watching him grow. 


Yet the thought of going through the stressful (but worth it!) process again fills me with dread   ... especially as I believe that we were so lucky for it to have worked first time.. I don't honestly feel we would be lucky enough for it to happen again.


I really want to stop feeling like this and concentrate and enjoy our little boy - but this just keeps hanging over me. It feels incredibly selfish to have these worries as I should be (and, of course AM!) very grateful to have our little angel that I shouldn't worry about what might or might not happen in the future.


I am a natural worrier anyway (who isn't?!) but my mind keeps going into overdrive.. 'What if DH has no    left when we go for it again?' 'What if something goes wrong with me in the meantime?' 'What if we never have anymore children?'


Am I the only person out there who feels like this?!    Someone give me a good talking to and make me snap out of this, please!!!


Pocket Rocket xxxx


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## katedoll (Jun 3, 2007)

I feel exactly the same as you, especially when my LO (who is now 8 months) was a similiar age to yours.  No words of wisdom, just that you are not alone.  

It helped me to chat to a number of my friends who had just one child and had consciously decided not to have any more (for a whole variety of reasons, financial, awful pg and SPD, split with partners) - I don't really mean consciously decided but they sort of had a choice unlike us who find it so hard to conceive naturally.  I think if it is a choice you make, it is easier - they all had NO worries about it, were cool with their decisions and had moved on......    I think if the decision is taken away, you often want something more.  Also I've spoken to a number of people who are only children and were fine with that - loving the attention, financial security, not missing what they didn't know etc so I am feeling better about my LO being an only child (although if I have my way we may try more tx   )  The one person who I spoke to who said they would like a sibling, quickly turned the conversation on to a friend who has had big arguments with their sibling and weren't speaking, and said maybe it was better being an only child ......  I don't think they realised I was asking cos I was thinking of our situation, just a general conversation.

But the bottom line is you need to enjoy your LO as they are teeny for such a short time, and you'll only look back and regret the thoughts about the future and how sad it made you.  ICSI has worked once, that is good, it bodes well.  If you are worried your DP has no sperm, could you get him to do a sample and if it is satisfactory, freeze some of it?  Just a thought.  That way it is one less thing to worry about.  Of course no one can predict if any future cycle will work, but the odds are good if you have a success already.  You never know you may get a natural BFP   

I also think we have spent so long being 'obsessed' with all things fertility (well I have  ) that it isn't natural, not to worry about it, so you need to 'retrain' yourself not to be thinking about dates, AF, future fertility etc. Takes a while I'm sure .......  But good luck, congrats on your little one, live for the day, not worrying about something which may or may not happen in the future. xx


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## katedoll (Jun 3, 2007)

You may find this thread of interest ...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=230589.0


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