# Insensitive Comments



## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

There must be loads of insensitive comments.  Some of them said with good intentions but still not the thing to say to those of us who have IF.

Here's mine:

Be patient, it'll happen.  Thought going through mind, you try being patient when your family and friends are getting pg and having babies like peas out of a pod.

In God's time.  When this has been said I've been thinking I know that but when is it gong to be God's time for DH and I.

This is what you'll have to put up with when you've got a baby.  said by dad last summer when DH and I were at theirs and Dad was trying to settle my Niece for her pm nap.  My reply was that I'd take the crying, smelly nappies, colic, reflux and sleepless nights if I could just get pg and have a baby, he walked out the room.

Worst one was when BfH was telling me works policy on fertility treatment and when I explained how the wait for DH and I is so short, she said 'so you can have a baby jst like that'.  I was thinking 'you don't have a clue what I've been through the last 3.5 years'.

There must be more.


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## shem (Nov 2, 2006)

I think we've all heard those comments along with don't think about it it'll happen when you least expect it HELLO we think about it 24 7 or are'nt you glad you do'nt have any kids you can do what you want this all comes from people who have children and they should learn to tread more carefully our feelings are fragile.I don't think the insensitive comments will ever stop coming.


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

Not had any from church family for a while now.  With DH and I being in the waiting stage, we've not mentioned it as much.  I've not talked about it as much since accepting the situation.


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## shem (Nov 2, 2006)

Met a girl I know today have'nt seen her in a while she asked me how I was then before she could get the next sentence out I knew what she was going to say next: Have you any babies yet (she has 4) I replied no before I could say anything else she said you're just right they would put your head away I was so annoyed at this if she did'nt have any it would be a different story!


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## holly01 (Feb 10, 2007)

was out to lunch with a friend on monday and we were talking about our ivf and she turned round and said well if its not meant to be then u will have to just accept it       
i for once was gobsmacked 
thanks for her encouragement that it might actually work!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then she proceeded on to moan about how she hates fri evenin when her kids  are off for the wend as she cant sleep until monday nite with worry about them being out at nite,this i totally understand as we all would be the exact same worried sick but hey come on....please be grateful that u have 3 fantastic children...
i left lunch a little defleated and a little annoyed with her and her comments but i have put it behind me as she was obviously unaware
people can be funny with the things they say i was in a house working the other day and the lady has a georgeous 1yr old boy and is 3mths PG at present and is due at xmas and she was goin on about how she wud cope and i felt like sayin were u not thinkin of that 3 mths ago while in bed with ure dh  she asked me had we any and i sad no and she said god ure so lucky u are time enuf and i said well we are married 5 yrs and just left it hanging in the air i think she may have got the hint  
ah well i am so used to the questions now i laugh it of...i work with the elderly and they are always lookin at me stomach and asking 'any gud news' aaaggghhhhhhhhhhhh     
i say 'nah just ate to much'      
i think it wud be sooo hard to keep it a secret if we did get pg with our ivf as u are bound to have a grin like a cheshire cat on ye like?!?!?!
obviously i wudnt be tellin it like but YKWIM?after 5 yrs!!i think i wud have an advert on the radio      well my sis prob wud shes the local radio stalker     
its def true IF def makes ye a stronger person


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

People who've been able to get pg and have LO's without problems have no idea what it's like to not only find out you have a problem but have to watch friends and family getting pg and having kids.


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## lorsm (Jul 26, 2008)

totally agree with all of you.  I hate it when people start talking babies at work in particular  , I've been there 4 years and in that time 4 of the team I work with have got married and had babies.  I'm the only one that hasn't  .  I feel really left out and yet they are all so insensitive and still say things like - wait til you have to go through nappy changing etc etc.  I haven't mentioned the fact that we are going through IUI at the minute as I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to them about it.

I've also had insensitive comments from my family - things like some people are blessed and some just aren't.  That really hurt as it came from my Mum - and I know she really didn't mean it the way it sounds as she is the best Mum in the world.  It's so hard at the minute though as my two brother's have just announced their wives are pregnant - both due in Jan / Feb next year  .  

We've just been through our third IUI (basted today!!) and how I wish it will be successful   so I too can have some good news for my Mum and Dad.


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## shem (Nov 2, 2006)

Hi IorsmA few people who know we need IVF have said to me "well if it happens it happens" I know they mean well  but that's not what I wanna hear. Like you I too am left out in work as Im the only one who has no children it really hurts when they talk baby talk Im sort of not included in the conversation as I have nothing to add. As for family pretty much the same there as well I just dream of the day when I can tell them im pg!


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## betty-77 (Mar 13, 2008)

SIL came off with a few rotton comments yesterday, worst thing is she knows our full situation and dosn't even think she is saying anything wrong.  one of the comments that really pi**ed me off was: 'christmas is a really happy time and you can never have a really happy time unless you have kids of your own'  Yes i agree christmas would be fab with kids but i happen to love it even with just me and dh.


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## Trishy (Jan 25, 2008)

Betty - I do think this was very insensitive of your SIL especially as she knows your situation.  I do give a by-ball (however you spell it!) to those who don't know our situation as it's not their fault and I just laugh it off with the usual 'oh there's plenty of time for that!'  (while screaming on the inside).  But if someone knows the story then they should think first before opening their mouths.


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## shem (Nov 2, 2006)

Betty - can't believe your SIL said that, yes kids do make christmas but I love it with DH and I we spoil eachother and I always look forward to it.Well here's one I got today which I didn't particularly like.  A woman I work closely with knows my situation and she had been telling me recently about a friend of her daughters who needed fertility drugs to make her ovaries work and had got pg very quickly but had been ill at 10 weeks. She got the all clear but then it all started to go wrong, the placenta wasn't good and at the weekend they discovered the baby most likely has abnormalities (she is currently 18 weeks ) and it looked like she was going to lose the baby. I know this girl to see and my heart really went out to her as she also lost both her parents last year. Asked her this morning how this girl was and she told me it's quite serious the baby has to be aborted as there is a threat to the girl's health something to do with her blood. She turned and said to me "she should never have taken those fertility drugs and just left well alone if you can't have them naturally your not supposed to have them at all" we all know you dont need to be having fertility tx for something like this to happen as Im sure you will all agree and it has'nt even been mentioned that this was the cause. I stood there not knowing what to say as we would all do anything to have a family, obviously if you were advised against it that would be different. She said then that the  girl's consultant said she would be able to try again when she felt ready so what did that comment mean? I have heard of this happening before to women who have conceived naturally and she knows that only to well I have put it down to the fact that she was upset about her daughters friend and that's why she said it.


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## betty-77 (Mar 13, 2008)

shem, i have read and re read your post and i cannot understand what on earth would make someone come off with a comment like that particularly knowing your situation.  All i can think is she does not have the first clue about fertility tx and drugs and is repeating what some other ignorant so and so has said to her.  it is a terrible situation for the poor girl but your right it could happen in any pregnancy not just assisted pregnancy.


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## shem (Nov 2, 2006)

I know Betty I still can't get my head round it. Im glad she's off work for the rest of the week because I don't think I could listen to any more at the moment it's a touchy subject.


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