# 19th attempt - foiled!!



## overDAbridge (Jun 6, 2011)

Hiya,

I'm in a same sex f/f civil partnership.

If you include the known donnor we started out with, the DIUI's we've both had (including the abandoned ones), and now the DIVF I've just gone through - that will be our 19th attempt and counting!

I'm feeling exhausted and as if my life for the last 5 years has been put on hold and that we STILL can't make any decision about loads of things arrg!



For a second there I thought we might not need to have treatment again (my first IVF - totally not used to the no period thing).

Still haven't got a period: but good to see other people saying the same thing or I'd be conviced I was pregnant right now.



Had no idea how much more strenuous IVF was compared to DIUI, I'm almost wishing for the days now!!



And my partners already stiming again to use up some low quality eggs I froze from an abandoned DIUI I had ages ago, will they come out the fridge in tact??!! Who knows!

Will I fall to piece when my period comes?  Probably!

Is there any thing left I said I would never do or any other decisions I could make - that in the cold light of ANY day would look ridiculous!! I wouldnt like to take a bet on it!

Am I actually turning into one of those desperate people I think need to give a rest??

Hell ya!!

Good to be amongst Ffriends.



Bridge xx

Fertility world - Out side of LAS VEGAS - the only place on the planet, where burning money and emotions for dreams - is understandable!


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## utb (Feb 2, 2010)

WOW 19 attempts I cant begin to imaging how that must feel but at what point do we say that is it no more I know I am in a very strange place at the moment we have decided to go for one last attempt and all I can think of if this doesnt work how can I possibly consider stopping and giving up, how have you manged to cope with the amount of BFN's I really admire your courage and determination.

I am guessing that after the 19 attempts you and your partner have had that you have gone through immune issues etc.

I know my post is not particularly helpful to you but just wanted to respond to let you know that without fight, determination and a dream what else do we have on this nightmare IF journey other than FF.

x x x x


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## overDAbridge (Jun 6, 2011)

Hi utd, 

xx Thank you for your lovely post xx

Yes  and no with the immune issues (not sure how to briefly explain this) but I have been made aware of them at least, thank u for mentioning it  

It is really hard thinking this will be our last go, infact thats how the IVF kicked off. In effect me kicking off saying I don't wanna stop! I went to donate my eggs b4 I reached 35 - if my partner was going to have our kids - why not. I found out my AMH was 1.9 ! The other two clinics hadn't picked this up (apparently f/f couple arnt there for fert issues) and it was just unlucky we both had them ??!!  I couldn't have my own or donate!!

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may never have my own biological child. It does bother me deeply. Almost ashamedly so - I have an issue with it all ending here with me!! And adoption great idea and when I'm thinking straight FOR US I think it makes more sense than IVF, but we looked into it and got scared off   

Its been really hard and driven us nearly crazy   Were not there year, but in the next few years we will be and I think by the end of this - it will a relief to stop, child or not. 

I am gob smacked at the way each type of treatment has put a bigger and bigger strain on us. Its helped  build up our resistance!!

xxx


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