# So confused - Any advice welcomed



## Lucy+Dave (Jul 22, 2008)

Hello  

DH and I found out this year that he was infertile, everyone has recommended going through a clinic but both of us would feel more comfortable trying at home first using a live sperm donor, anonymous but having met him in person. Does anyone have a compiled list of what tests we would need to ensure the donor has undergone. Any other information you can provide would be gratefully recieved, pros and cons. We're still undecided and feel very confused about the whole situation.

Lucy xx


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## spooks (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi again - just incase you didn't get the message on the donor thread. The donor conception network site offers a wealth of info. about using a donor. I can't really help with your particular situation as we're at a clinic.
 good luck, spooks x


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## Lucy+Dave (Jul 22, 2008)

Many thanks Spooks, I'll have a look at that site now - thanks so much 

oh and you're right it's Lucy not Dave


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Lucy
So pleased that Spooks has recommended our web site as a source of information, guidance and support.  You will certainly find all of that - and more - there, but you will not find much about using known donors, particularly outside of the clinic system.  We do have some families who have done this, but their donor has been known to them for some time...in other words is a trusted friend...and definitely have children of their own.  Recruiting a donor via the internet, or anywhere else, is fraught with potential problems, short and long term and this is why we do not recommend it.  I can certainly understand why you feel it might be much nicer to conceive at home with sperm from someone you have met, but unless there is a long-standing trusting relationship, you really cannot know what you are getting in to.  There is an article on our site about taking a known donor to a clinic, in order that the insemination can be done under the auspices of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act.  This could be possible for you, but I know that in that particular case, the donor is a long-standing friend.
Do give this careful thought, and in the meantime you are very welcome to join the Network and be in touch with others at your stage of the DC journey and beyond.
Best wishes
Olivia


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## Lucy+Dave (Jul 22, 2008)

Thank you so much for your post Olivia   I'm getting there reading through the site. Any chance I could ask, that's if you have the time, to point out the worse case of senario and all the risks involved with using live sperm donor, if you'd prefer you can pm me. Again thank you


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Lucy
Worst case scenario - which has happened to one of our member families, is that the donor has changed his mind about contact with the child and went to court claiming the same rights as an estranged father.  He has been awarded these rights and the child now has to see him regularly, even though he has a dad at home.
Another scenario is that the donor doesn't want any contact at all, but that as you know who he is you have to decide what to tell your child.  A child may feel abandoned by someone who knowingly helped to make him but doesn't want to have anything to do with him.  You could say that you don't know who the donor is, but this would put a lie between you and your child and lies of this magnitude are not good for families.
Of course these things might not happen, but why take the risk?
Olivia


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