# Shock



## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

I have just been informed another male/male couple who were on our prep course had there adoption application withdrwan by social services. They told us it was to do with  his ex wife and kids and they were hell bent on ruining there chances. Any ideas what could of possibly been said for a social worker to believe the bitter ex wife and just withdraw there application? They had there panel date for december and even though they bragged about how fast there meetings were going i would never wish this on anyone


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Gosh that's awful , it does make you wonder ? 
I can imagine that any ex wife that has been left for another man would be quite twitchy , but I suppose you never know the truth about what goes on behind closed doors


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## Cranky Angie (Jan 16, 2013)

I know it's not really related but just had to share. Years ago when DH and I were first trying to conceive and his ex wife must've got wind of this through their kids, we got a new kitten and our much loved old cat just left home and didnt come back. When ex wife heard about the planned baby, she said to my DH, just think very carefully about what your are doing, look what happened to the cat when the new one came along. WTF?? Just shows you how evil ex wives can be. 
Ax


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thanks guys its just worrying as sw have obviously believed what was said ect and withdrawn there application. Just makes me realise not to get too complaceant as its obvious until we get a yes things can change


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

As others have said you never really know and yes HS is still a worrying time until panel.

It could be something simple like concealing something. Remember the process is heavily weighted on trust so if SS feel you've tried to hide something that they believe to be important ,even it appears small), it could just be they are no longer willing to work with them. No reason to think another agency wouldn't accept them but they would need to analyse gears went on.

X


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Each case is individual so don't be put off the experience of one couple you know because as Smudgey said, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. They can challenge the decision if they feel it's unfair but unless there was issues of danger to children, abuse etc, it would be fairly unusual for the SWs to do an immediate turn around. They could also ask for the reasons in writing and there's nothing to stop them going to another agency, being totally upfront and giving them all the details to decide if they'll take them on. I have know people set back by the comments of ex's but rarely been more than a delay.
Not only have I adopted myself but my mum is a family placement SW and she has assessed and placed children of either gender with any combination of f/f, m/f, m/m. 

Good luck with your application!


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thanks arrows. We have 2 meetings left then panel. Thanks again everyone x


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

That is really worrying to hear before you've been to panel because it makes you worry for yourselves, but I think as everyone else has said or alluded to, you may well not be getting the full story. It would be easy to blame the ex-wife, but SWs get in touch with exes all the time; they're probably expecting a bit of jealousy or resentment in reality and take what they're told with a liberal pinch of salt. It *may* be something has come to light which is really serious, and of course, why would they tell anyone that....easier to blame the ex methinks!

Try not to let it worry you - I lost sleep during HS but it was all fine, I was terrified about panel, and again, it was fine. It's just really scary at the time when you know your future effectively sits in the hands of a bunch of people who met you a few months ago and then another bunch of people who will chat to you for 30 minutes in a big room and make a decision. But they NEED adopters - my SW and LO's SW both told me this week that their respective LAs have no adopters but chikdren coming out if their ears including babies under 6 months old, so bear that in mind when you're having a worry day x


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thanks mummyelf. Your words are a great comfort. We have our final  meeting on november 14th then our sw will speak to our referances.  I think il relax once we get to panel nah i wont it will be once were approved.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

The other thing is that sw have to  be sure that all children's needs are at the forefront.  If sw felt the existing children would respond very badly or simply refuse to accept a placed child they may well have to halt hs. My mums friend is a sw and when interviewing potential grandparents and wider family who see themselves as supportive has had comments like... oh of course we would accept them but we wouldn't include them in wills etc. Unfortunately it takes a community / full support network to raise a child not just the parent or parents.  Ss want to know those round you are on board.  Obviously some family members can be left behind but children can't hence why this might be such a big issue.  X c


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