# Newbie from south (kerry)looking for support and maybe words of wisdom?



## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey everyone am new to this site and the whole i.v.f. thing my first cycle got cancelled in the down reg phase due to my lining to be too thick on day 10  
Am now waiting to start my period again coz there going doing  the short cycle this time which i am   works as money is tight 
Am ttc since roughly sept 2008 I knew there was something wrong straight away as I have 2kids from previous partners and they were conceived very quick.
in feb 2009 found out i had chlamydia and from then on i kinda new that my tubes were blocked only the docs in hosp would not listen 2me everything else was fine i ovulated every month all bloods ok then they found a cyst on my ovary and sugg i have a lap and then i sed while they were in there would they run the die thru my tubes and they sed ya. so lap found tubes blocked at the ovaries and the cyst had dissapeared
ever since then i have been suffering immensly  and its getting progressivly worse its gotten to the stage where i well up any time i see a baby or hear someone has a baby or is pregnant.
i no to some of u i may seem selfish coz i have 2kids already and i can see your point  i am happy with them of course but am riddled with guilt the whole time coz im so depressed and they dont desereve a mother that is like that and plus my DH its put a strain on us and thats all my doing i cannot help it i would love to be happy again but this is not going to go away and the only thing that will make it go away is a baby.

well thats enough for now i have loads to say i could write a book  
hopefully will make some friends  on this 
hope we all get what we want!  and   to all of u!


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## Leah (Sep 7, 2004)

Hi Mrs B_24,

Just wanted to say hi and to commiserate with you on how you are feeling.  It is just so hard and at times it is unbearable.  It is the most difficult thing to have to mentally adjust yourself to this situation.    
I would say that I am still sometimes in shock after 8 years about my infertility issues.  Sometimes I just stop and still can't believe that this is me who is going through all of this! It's mad.  

Don't feel bad about being down and use this site as a place for support and to let off steam.  Have you thought about counselling?  I know that there is a lot of help out there if you want it.  I haven't used it but I would if I felt that I really wanted it.  As long as I am still able to try, then I am not too bad as it gives me hope but I know that once I finallly have to make the decision to stop trying ( which isn't far off) I will be in a bad way!  

Hope this helps a bit!

Leah


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey Leah thanks for repying!im really sorry to hear bout your probs wit trying.   it brings a tear to my eye if there was anything i could do to help everyone on this site i would in a heartbeat cos everyone here really deserves there  slice of hapiness.
ya have gone to one counselling session in my fertility clinic. i found the information  good like but all the things that i have to do are easier said than done 
where abouts in the country are u located?
thanks agen for da reply look forward to hearing fromu soon
    
everything works out!
x


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## patbaz (May 21, 2010)

HI Leah and Mrs B - everyone on here is really lovely

i am on my first tx and have founf the support great

you both need to keep positive    

i know its difficult but it will all be worth it when we get BFP


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey patzbaz and thanks for the words of engouragement ! are u on the cycle buddies thread also?
lets hope we all get our bfps!


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## trigger33 (May 17, 2010)

hiya,
I'm from the southe east and ttc over 2 and a half years. We've been given the royal runaround and after much tears and mileage have ended up going to a clinic in kilkenny that has now raised questions also.
I'm so fed up of the whole thing like you are. I've never had a sniff of a bfp and at 33 feel like time is running out.
The whole money thing is an issue for everybody right now and i never know the strain ttc could put on your relationship. We both have problems so have to do loads to try and get that all elusive bfp.
Just got my af today after 34 days so was really hoping it wouldn't come. I hate this every month. Off to the gym now to pull myself together.


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

Hey trigger am really sorry hun xxx i hope u get it soon yes i totally agree the stress on the relationship is unreal it is very pressurising like and the cost never knew there was a clinic in killkenny?
was it ivf or iui u were tryin or both?
i used to hate that everymonth af turning up still do but now its different i no i cant be pg but its hard in a diffent way its like whats the point of even having one when i cant conceive kinda thing am just after starting ivf stimulation on a short cycle last one cancelled in down reg a month ago.
well thats all for now hun feel free to write back anytime if u need to talk 
talk soon hun
and take care of urself!!
xxx


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## trigger33 (May 17, 2010)

hi,
I know the feeling but at least there is support on sites like this to bash the frustration out on the keyboard. My sister has just left after visiting and did nothing only whinge about her kids and go on about how empty she'll feel when the yougest starts school in sept, i felt like saying you should think how empty i feel having nothing to occupy my time with. I know everybodies problems are thier own but she just gives out about her kids so much, then goes on about missing them....i hope i get that chance someday.


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

ah u poor crater u have got to believe that it will happen i no its hard!at the back of all the craziness its we have 2stay someway positive !!!i find this site a great place to channel the frustration things dont seem too bad when u see ur not alone i do feel so alone sometimes i just want to scream at the top of my lungs ! but then i think what good will that do!
i get very upset hearing about pg announcements it rips a hole right thru my heart! 
feel free to vent ur anger am hear 2listen!!!

hang in there hun 
 that things will work out for u hun...
xxx


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## trigger33 (May 17, 2010)

hi mrsB,

Does the fact that i never even react to anyones news anymore just mean that i'm giving up or just too depressed to care. I had a really horrible gp visit the other day and he just told me to stop wasting my time with clinics and consultants and get on with my life. Accept that i may never have children and trust that everything happens for a reason. He actually told me that if i were to get pregnant now i'd probably just miscarry with the stress i'm putting myself under ttc. Smile and get on with your life were his parting words....the killing thing is..i know he's right.


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

hey hun i would say its really anger mixed with depression and just the sheer feeling of "they do not know how lucky they are!!!" what may i ask is your if prob sorry if im being nosey.! 
no doc should tell u that i would not like being told that!!!i would consider getting a second opion. have u ever considered surrogacy considering ur eggs are ok or perhaps dei no its a huge step tho. im sure there are ppl out there that would be delighted to do that for a person!!!
i can understand a doc telling u that they cant do anthing more to help buit to actually tell u to give up and stop wasting your money  like that its none of there business!!!!     
ask him if he is a doctor or a financial adviser!!!
if having a child is what u want and theres some part of u thats not ready to give up then make sure u explore every avenue and at least u wont have any regret in the sense that u had tried everything !
hope u ok hun am here if u need to natter or else pm me


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## trigger33 (May 17, 2010)

hi,
thanks for listening, i'm just gonna take a back seat and try and get myself fit and healthy again. Anger and depression, don't go well together alright so i think i'ii just givr myself a break. Had a chat with DH last night and he's happy to just take things as they come. Money is a huge factor for us so, ivf, donor or otherwaise and adoption i think are all unattainable.
Deep down, i guess if we really wanted it we would find the monet somewhere. Thanks for all the replies MrsB, you've been great. Good luck with your own journey and i hope you strike it lucky soon.
Trig


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## Mrs_B24 (Jun 5, 2010)

Thanks hun and you too!   im sure things will fall into place for u hun, 
money is a big enough prob wit us too i got my tx money on loan from credit union in my village the one thats in the nearest town told me no for another few months that my loan balance was too high. they are about the only crowd that will dicuss and take into account ur reason for the loan i did right down "fertitiy treatment" 
we are unemployed at the moment, if u are also on medical card scheme i think u maybe entitled to a reduced go in cork i was not able to avail of this as i have 2children. and if your working i think u can claim like 1000euro of it back from tax 
i would try maybe for a loan but not get hopes up on it u never no the way i looked at it i could have got that money for a car  that would depriciated faster than what i be payin or it....
i will add u 2my buddy list feel free to pm me anytime hun!!!
sorry if i dont make any sense halfk the time im not very good with words!!!!
lots of       and      

xxx
Sel
xxx


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