# It is breaking me.................



## always (Feb 9, 2007)

After 4 IVF and 3 FET we have just had our 7th BFN and I am really struggling to cope. I can not stop crying all the time.

Having come to work to keep my mind busy, I have a guy that has just announced his wife is pregnant and has sent the scan picture around and also put one on the noticeboard. Admittedly he does not know I have just got a BFN cos I have not told anyone other than my boss that we were doing the cycle, however he does know my history and was pretty much there for me previously when one of the girls was pregnant before, and generally I have opened up to him about my feelings and emotions before. I am trying to ignore all the conversations that come with a pregnancy announcement but am really struggling.  I dont want to tell anyone, and at the same time do not want to appear rude. I dont think I can handle the next 6 months!!! Every time we do the IVF/FET and it fails, there is always someone announcing a pregnancy at the same time and every time it just tears me apart. I dont want to feel so jealous and angry and hurt, but I just can not control it. I feel like I just want to lock myself away forever.


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## andymay (Aug 25, 2009)

Always - just  wanted to send you a   .  I posted on here last week feeling just like you do.  You've been through so much already you don't need me to tell you that time will heal some of this hurt, though you'll always carry your IF scars. Thinking of you and hoping you take some time to grieve and space to be with your DH. Can't give you advice about your colleague, but I can say that recently I've taken time to 'vent' my anger (growling, kicking things etc - though not in front of the offending person, generally in a quite toilet cubicle) and it does - really - help.
 
Everyone's here for you.

AM XXX


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## No1 rainbow princess (Aug 12, 2004)

Im really sorry to hear your news, and sorry to hear about the timing of ya colleagues announcement.
Just wanted to give you a cyber hug really as i have nothing else to offer   

Maybe do ya ranting screaming n shouting on ff, get it off ya chest n i just know so many people will be able to relate to what your saying.

Big hugs


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## Scouse (Aug 9, 2007)

always   
I've found beating my pillow helps to relieve some of the anger and pain!
BIG HUGS X


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## rainbow33 (Jun 22, 2009)

Hey there always, 
Just to let you know you are not alone. 
You have been through a terribly difficult journey and I wish you all the best. I am only a beginner in comparison... but I really hope we both get our wishes come true very soon!

I had the same experience with my IVF, I walked in to office during 2ww, and my colleague walks in and shows me a scan of a baby...I was bemused as I had no idea what the picture was about and she hadnt been trying for a baby -t hey were only just talking about getting married...and then it hit me and I realised that she was into her 3rd month, and I had been sitting next to her unaware for all this time. Then it became really hard for 2-3 days, and eventually it got a lot easier to be with her. She has just gone on early maternity leave and I am going for treatment. GO figure!

I hope that you are getting some help and support and wish you all the best
x rainbow


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

Life isn't fair is it....where ever you go there are announcements and pictures and smiles..I understand that he's very happy at this moment and some people aren't aware of the pain they are causing..is there any chance of having a word either directly or via your boss or a colleague? x


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