# Counselling for egg donation



## nelly1 (Dec 3, 2007)

Just wondering who has had one or more sessions of counselling in preparation for egg donation, and how useful it was? I know that some clinics make couples have at least one session...we're doing egg donation in Spain and it hasn't even been mentioned, but I'm wondering whether it would be good for us to go to our hospital counselling service here. Not sure if we really need it though...I've read all of 'Having your baby through egg donation', hubbie has read the bits that I suggested, and we've talked through the issues it raised...to tell or not, how important the genetic link is for us etc etc. Hubbie wouldn't be keen to have counselling at all, but would go if I said I thought we should...so I'm just trying to think about whether it's worthwhile.


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## odette (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi Nelly1

I went to a counselling session this week and it has definatly helped me and hubby to understand more about being a parents to a donor conceived child.

I would highly recommend it - you have nothing to lose.

odettexxx

ps  which hospital are you at? I too am having De in Spain


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## nelly1 (Dec 3, 2007)

we're going to IVI Madrid.  And you?
What sort of things did they cover in the counselling? Did they lead the session, or did they expect you to come up with issues to talk about?


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

hi good luck
drop us a pm or text me pming you my number if you want any info
think counselling a good idea but am sure you have discussed and thought about it all but sometimes they might mention something you might not have tought about but doubt it.
good luck
love
susie


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## odette (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi Nelly1

I'm at IVI Barcelona.

I had my counselling appt at the Hammersmith Hospital where I was treated before going abroad.
It really open our eyes to the understanding of where we heading ie should we tell our child etc.

At first I didn't want my child to know I wasn't it's mother, then later on I wasn't sure and undecided and then after the session I thought differently.  This was due to the research taken regarding donor children.

The counsellor of course wants to get an idea of where youre coming from so my husband and I started to talk about our journey of trying and failing for a child and how we were advised to go the egg donor route.  This then lead the counsellor to ask us how we felt about it etc.  Later on she talked about the research etc.  The best way to know more is to go to the Donor Donation Network website where you can read other peoples accounts of their experiences.   We left with the understanding that telling donor children very early on in childhood (from as young as 3) or even before they can talk is very beneficial as they are more accepting of their identity then and grow up thinking it is their live history rather than growing up with a 'secret' in the family as this often leads to the parents fear of them finding out and can be traumatic for them on finding out later on as they will feel their life was built up on a lie, hence not being able to trust anyone anymore ie If I can't trust my family to tell me the truth, who can I trust?

Of course I wanted my own biological child (sounds like a washing powder ) but I think being going through egg donor gives you a second chance.  Imagine DE has only been done in the last 20years, although sperm the last 100yrs believe it or not.

When are you thinking of starting your DE cycle?

Odettexx


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## Shellyj (Mar 25, 2007)

Hi all, I think everyone should have the counselling when considering egg donation. You may not like what you hear, (I didnt!), especially when  doing tx abroad, where identity is protected.

The aim to to let people see exactly what they are taking on, its not just a baby, etc, they will discuss possible health issues of the child and how would deal with any genetic issues!!

I was definately in the "not telling" camp, now im trying to find the courage to start telling  family and friends what we are doing.

I hope this helps, and if after your counselling session you are in the same state of mind , then your desicision is the right one for you!

Love and luck Shellyjxxx


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## nelly1 (Dec 3, 2007)

Thanks for your replies. We already plan to tell any child we have through DE, but we're as yet undecided about how many friends to tell. Maybe I will ring up the counselling service here and see if I can set up a session. 
Odette - we think our embryo transfer will be around July or August, but at the moment we're waiting for a donor. So probably similar time to you...


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