# Why can't you change the name of a baby?



## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

I remember from prep course that we were told we are not allowed to change the name of a child if we are lucky enough to adopt unless there are special circumstances.  Does anyone know why you can not?  Or what are classed as special circumstances?  I can't find anything in our books and am very sceptical taking advice from American site on the Internet which is all I can find on the subject.

We have been matched with the most heavenly gorgeous 5 month old LO and his name is so unusual I am concerned it would make him very easy to find as I have never come across the name before.

I'm way to scared to say anything to our SW incase its like a black mark against us and they change their mind and give him to someone else so thought I'd see if anyone knows.

Thanks


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

I think if the name is that unusual they will support you changing it, and from the sub text at our group sessions I think that, whilst they discourage you from changing the name they can't actually stop you?  I could be wrong though?

I do think it's a shame that name changes are so frowned upon, especially is the name is something which makes it obvious that your child is adopted, i.e. a name it seems very unlikely you would choose.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

The reason we were given was that their name is part of their identity. Given the name is so unusual you could express your concerns to your sw, it might depend on how much of a threat the birth parents are and if they are the type of people to try and look for thir child.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

its really to do with respecting your LO's past..its one of the only things they can keep from the past and bring forward to their new life..its something their birth parents gave them..its part of their identity. its frowned upon because if you want to change their name 'just because' its seen that you dont accept them fully for who they are
that said if its v unusual and there is a risk attached to them being traced then they will support you wholly..often then they will advise you 'tweak' it rather than change it completely eg maybe shorten it, change a letter..it also depends on the age on the child. there ar some right corkers of names out there and i think sw's are sympathetic to certain 'types' of names being very distinnguishable. if every single person is going to say 'where did THAT name come from then?' it can be v hard for adoptive parents! 


i was v unsure about our DS's name, well frankly didnt like it, i had ideas on how i could tweak it easily...but it was BD's christian name and i wondered how DS would feel about me taking that away from him. in the end we kept it and we call him a shortened version of it day to day..


i was at an LA meeting last night and they were talking about a difficult to place toddler who although he had been v developmentally delayed had caught up enormously but they just couldnt get people interested in him.his name was Brian, and i couldnt help wondering if his name wasn't helping matters..and it could well be tweaked to 'Ryan' 


If you think its a traceable name i would be upfront and ask your sw if she thinks its a risk factor..better to get it out in the open if its something thats going to prey on your mind


hop that helps


kj x


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Wow - 5 months, you must be in heaven. 2 friends of mine adopted and both changed the names of their lo. 1 slightly tweaked it, 1 completely changed it. Neither original names were particularly identifiable but neither were they run- of- the - mill iykwim. The 1 lo who was completely changed was named after his bd, who turned out not to be his bd so she argued for him having a new 1st name that he is referred to and they kept his original name as his 2nd name.


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## HannahLou (May 22, 2011)

My SW said you could put the LO's birth name as their middle name and change the first name because the link is still there. On my prep, we were told about a boy called....porridge! No joke! 

H x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

'Brian', KJ!  Really  . I am shocked that people were put off by that name?  They should count their lucky stars he wasn't called 'Brooklyn' or 'Cruz'.  I'd far rather have 'Brian' than Ryan any day.  At least it's a 'proper' name!

Agree with your sentiments regarding 'acceptance' of the child's history and tweaking a name slightly  . There really are more important considerations but I do understand the name thing ....

If a child doesn't like their name, then in my opinion, they can change it when they are 18 and make the decision themselves  . 

X


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Thanks for all your replies.

I would never turn the LO down as he is my baby but didnt know where I stood on it so thought I would shout out and am glad I did.  

I like the idea of keeping the names he has been given as middle names and using a more low key one on a day to day basis.  I am more than happy to keep all of the names he has been given but he is named after a famous criminal and think it is just wrong and I really dislike it.  I am quite honest and happy to admit the name is not my choice and I dislike it but I am honestly worried about its impact on him when he is older.

We changed our surname from BUTT (for obvious reasons) a few years ago as we were sick of the jokes and I did not want my children picked on because of it and this name makes me feel just like that.

HannahLou - Porridge  Interesting, maybe I should just be happy then LOL

Flash123 - yes we are exctatic x


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## beckalouise (Aug 29, 2010)

Congratulations KJB, v exciting for you.  My friends adopted a 11 month old and changed her name, I don't remember it been an issue.  She has now shown interest in adopting her daughter (who is now 5) new born half sister (same birth mum) and is already taking about what names she likes so can't see why it would be an issue, especially like you say it's a daft name.

All the best xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

well it just goes to show how personal the preferences for names are..I would struggle with Brian, but Ryan would make me happy  


Porridge  


kj x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

oooh ooh just found this!

http://names.darkgreener.com/#

type in names and see its polarity

DE..Brian is on its way down 

kj x

/links


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

At least it's on the list KJ!  I doubt 'Porridge' is


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

KeemJay - That is fantastic - Thanks so much!


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Ok, another question now.

Do I mention it to the SW now or wait until we get past panel?  I do not want anything to risk them saying I do not want him as I do and I can of course live with the name if we had to.  What do you all think?

Be up front now and say what I am feeling or leave it until we have got past panel??


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Hi KJB - personally I'd raise it now.  Say you have no wish to hide his past from him, or take away his identity but you're concerned that his name is too unique.  Make it clear it's not a deal breaker, and that you've taken on board the training.  Be positive, relaxed, and clear    It wouldn't surprise me if they've already considered this, or have it on their list to discuss with you, if it's that unique.

Our boy (fingers crossed!) has a made-up name that's very unique.  When we read his CPR, it already stated that it would be changed.  Another friend has adopted two and both had to have their names changed, for security reasons.

It DOES happen, but it has to be for the RIGHT reason.    Good luck!


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Hiya,

We changed the name of our eldest as it was deemed to be a security issue as along with her(gorgeous) looks the original name made her very easy to trace.

The saw told us to choose something that sounded similar to help her get used to it as she was 18months when this happened. She took to it brilliantly and we haven't looked back.

Her sister's name is very common so stayed the same.

We are giving them both new middle names of family significance because they are members of our family now.

Reading another thread on here with a post from an adoptee confirmed how I feel, adoption is just a small part of who my girls are, I don't want it to become something we obsess over and that includes their names. When the time comes, we'll explain what was changed and why, bottom line, it's been done out of love, for safety and for belonging.

I have to add we wouldn't have changed first names unless the saw told us too but we always intended to add new middle names.

Also, huge congratulations, our youngest was 5months when we met her, a fabulous age!
Xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

something additional to read maybe? theres a thread on AUK at the mo and i nicked it off there...
http://www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/10/09/2010/115300/identity-theft-by-another-name.htm

i agree with AofC..raise it now, making sure you explain clearly your reasoning..

kj x

/links


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

at our prep course we were told that if it was a young baby or in the interest of the child's safety it was possible to change the name. I think it has already been said but if the child had an unusual name that was easily recogniseable it was recommended to change it.


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

We were told that we could change our daughters middle name and that was all.

my DD's christian name isn't one that I would have chosen but it can be shortened in a few different ways, before she came to me i played around with the different versions and decided that she wouldn't be called by the most common form, but when she came along it felt a lot more natural to call her the more common version so that is what she is known as now.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i think if child old enough ought not to change name unless they certain, but a 5 month old wouldn't remember think no problem changnin that. ideal to leave old name as middle name they can always use it later if they like.


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Age of the child is a deciding factor when considering a name change but it is really more about respecting a child's history pre adoption than the fact that they will not remember their old name   

PS.  Sadly, there are not many children placed at 5 months!


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I'm not personally a fan of our LO's birth name but it's not awful, just not my kind of thing so we're leaving it as is- he's got very little from his birth-mother but she gave him his name and we respect that. We're giving him a middle name as he currently hasn't got one and he will have the choice when he's older about what he wants to be called. At the end of the day it's about him not us.


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