# First ivf failure



## Lou_1983 (Aug 8, 2016)

Hi everyone!

I am new here and am struggling a bit. I completed my first round of ivf and i got my period before test day. Ive been so upset but trying to pick myself up.

Im 33 and have been trying for nearly 4 years. I know that doesnt always happen first time its the waiting that kills me for the next step.

I guess im just looking for some support. All my friends have kids and dont really understand what im going through.
Louise.


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## Franny80 (Apr 10, 2016)

Hi Lou,

I'm sorry to hear your first round didn't work. It's really tough, especially when friends are popping out babies left right and center. Tty heart goes out to you. Take your time to grieve and get over the failed cycle. Do what feels good to cheer yourself up (I always find a chinese takeaway helps!). I also found that spending quality time with the hubby helped as he was the only person who truly understood how I felt. Your friends can never fully understand what you are going through, but you might find they can empathize. At first I would push my friends away as I jealous they had kids. But actually more recently I have found they can offer a lot of support. 

After a while it will all feel less raw. The optimism will come back and you will feel ready to carry on the battle. 

x


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## Lou_1983 (Aug 8, 2016)

Hi Franny,

Thanks for the reply.
Ive got some friends who are supportive and ive got some who wont talk about ivf for fear of upsetting me but just talk about their kids which i find hard. I may be being sensitive but i like people who ask!

Weve got a holiday coming up on Friday so think that might help me to feel happier!
Lou. X


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## Mrs Battersby (Jan 26, 2015)

Hello,

Just had to reply. I haven't had a cycle of IVF yet, but really feel for you. We all want the same thing and its so, so, so hard to keep positive and carry on. All you can do is keep on going........I find also to keep my mind busy. If I think to much I get so depressed. Like the other reply - do something you like!


Sending lots of love.    xxx


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## Lou_1983 (Aug 8, 2016)

Thank u. I find the waiting the worst bit! X


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## Peabody (May 10, 2016)

Hi lou. 
I wanted to reply as last month i had my first failed ivf having had a chemical pregnsncy. Im 34 and so is hubby. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.
I can understabd exactly what yoyr feeling right know. The deverstation is difficult to get over.

I think im usuakky quite a negative person but this ivf has made me change my attitude to life. Ive become alot more positive in my thinking and i know the path agead might be hard but i will achieve my goal to have a child. 

I read a book which really helped me its called ivf an emotional companion by brigid moss. It tells the real life stories of peoples ivf journeys. Its heartbreaking to read but it gives you the encouragement and strength to go forward.

I moved to a new area 5 years ago and found it really hard to make friends. The friends i did make went on to have kids and although i dont feel negative towards them i just find it hard talking to them about it as they have no knowledge whatsoever about it. 

I find my sisters are golden at supporting me and this website is amazingly supportive.


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## Peabody (May 10, 2016)

Sorry for typos- new phone 😑


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## Nelli (Oct 28, 2015)

Hi Lou,

I just wanted to post and say I'm in the same position as you, we had our 1st IVF cycle in March then developed severe OHSS as the clinic gave me too much medication   so we didn't have a transfer and they froze our embryos (x3), then had to wait until June for the 1st frozen transfer which was double transfer and resulted in chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks   I have definitely been in a dark place since. However, I was adamant this time we're not waiting so have booked in for our last frozen transfer cycle and now started DR as all the waiting is an absolute killer! I've also booked us a private consultation at a new clinic so if this doesn't work we will go straight into next cycle. I don't know if that's the right thing or if it helps you in how your feeling but I just find the only way (at the moment before our money runs out!) is to move onto the next cycle. It takes such a long time anyway and gives you something to focus on. The other thing I've found helps is WINE to drown my sorrows and other stuff you've given up for IVF caffeine/takeaway/nail polish/baths/running etc. And doing normal stuff for a bit out with friends and I also had some girlie treats like hair done after failed cycle. Then I can get back on it again for this cycle.
I hope this helps a little and wishing you the best of luck this really is a war not a battle but we will all get there in the end xxx p.s your stronger than you know!


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## MrsC83 (Jun 1, 2016)

Hi Lou (and everyone else), 

Just wanted to add my support - I know how you feel. Our first fresh cycle went perfectly...except it didn't work. Although I knew the odds I was in shock. We are lucky enough to have a few frozen, but our first frozen cycle has also just failed. It's hard to pick yourself up and carry on, my advice is allow yourself time to be upset and grieve. It's ok not to be ok. 

When the dust settles treat yourself to wine and takeaways like the others have said, both times we have booked a holiday or break, hoping for a BFP soon as we can't keep going on holiday! 

I have some lovely friends but finding myself falling down into the gap between those who have children and those who don't want any, no one really knows what you are going through but there are lots of people on here who understand. 

Lots of love xxx


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## Lou_1983 (Aug 8, 2016)

Thanks ladies for all your helpful comments. We are going away tomorrow and i may even have a few drinks and relax before thr next fet. Thank you so much - i definately feel less alone and miles better than i did the other day. X


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## Nelli (Oct 28, 2015)

Glad your feeling a bit better about things Lou, enjoy your holiday and a few little drinkies xx


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