# not very good in telling strangers my feelings



## loobylou713 (May 8, 2005)

We are wanting to adopt but i get very defensive when talking in a group about my problems. I don't want this to stop us going for adoption. I can sound very abrupt when people are asking me things.

I am adopted myself and when i was younger i had to see a social worker to try and trace my birth parents and i can remember being abrupt then.

I really want this. Also when you have to go to a group meeting do you have to tell everyone there why you want to do this or can you just sit there and listen. 

Please help as i want to start the ball rolling but scared of the first meeting.


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi

im not in the adoption process but am in the fostering process which is very similar course wise i was told by my sw.

I too ( and others might find this hard to believe  ) find it very hard to talk out loud when im in a group of people i dont know! 
That was one of the things i was worried about most. My dh is lucky as he is a teacher and doesn't have any trouble with it. 

I can honestly say hand on heart that the worst thing for me was introducing my name and who i was!! then after that it all seemed to go ok. Because you are all there for the same reasons I think that really helps  And they are small groups so not too daunting  
In the end i met a couple of great people who i know will be great to be in contact with so we can help each other out when we have placements 

I really do understand as it makes me feel physically sick thinking about it and it really was ok 

love
suzie xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

yep me too !!! i'm terrible at speaking out in front of groups of people and it doesn't matter if i know them or not   I had to keep telling myself "I can do this" and i can honestly say i felt fine at our prep groups also it helped that we wasn't forced to do anthing we didn't feel comfortable with. Now i have found that although i used to be terrified in situations like these i can now control myself and i know i can do it   don't get me wrong i'll never be a group speaker but i can get by (if i have to

i hope you too an overcome this as it will be sooooooo worth it 

good luck

pam xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi

Don't worry like the others have said, you won't be made to do anything you feel uncomfortable with & as long as you are open & honest with your SW you will be fine.

Remember the other people attending these meetings most probably feel the same way you do, just as nervous & wondering what to say or do.

Lots of luck

Love
Andrea
xx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Loubylou,

Welcome to the board you will find it very friendly and supportive whatever stage you are at. I have to be honest I did struggle with the prep course not from the point of view of speaking in public I just found it emotionally very hard. I have to say though it seems generally people on here have been ok with theirs maybe we were the exception. You don't have to pretend you are a tree or anything so from that point of view it isn't a problem. I felt I couldn't say what I really felt as I would have spent the whole time in tears. I guess that compounds the reasons for being free of TX for a length of time prior to the process starting so you are maybe emotionally abit stronger. 
Good luck with it all and do keep writing here between all of us we usually come up with either some advice or understanding of where you at.

Take care JD x


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## Lou W (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi Loobylou,

We are looking to foster, which is obviously different to adoption, but from what SS were saying on our prep course there are many similarities. On our prep course the first exercise we did was to talk to the person next to us, tell them who we were and why we wanted to foster. I was worried about it a little bit as it meant explaining that we didn't and couldn't have children of our own but actually it was easier than I expected. 
On our course there were a couple of people that found some issues too difficult to talk about, and all the way through we were reminded by the SWs that if something was too hard then we could leave the room if we needed five minutes. There was alos a couple of occasions where due to a difficult childhood one man didn't take part in some of the exercises. 

I myself had some difficult times when I was growing up, and I also don't know my birth father. I will be totally honest and say that a couple of the prep course sessions were hard at times, but I cannot believe how much it has helped me to actually face them and work through them. 

On the course we spent some time talking about adoption, and the SWs said that when a person who was adopted themselves then wants to adopt (which they said is very common) they do encourage them to talk about whether they would like to try and trace their birth family. 

At the end of the day, I would say that lots of us have been very nervous about that first meeting and prep course, but once you're there in my experience its no where near as bad as expected. Everyone has their own story behind why they are there, and the SWs we had were so very understanding about all the issues, as were the rest of the group. 

If you feel you can I would say go for it, I think you'll be amazed at what you can cope with once you're there. I know in our group I actually found that the other people and the SWs actually made me feel more confident - and I honestly would never have believed that could be the case. 

Wishing you lots of luck on your journey,

Lou xxxx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Hiya Loobylou

I can't add much to the others... all I can say is dh and I were petrified before the prep course.  We nearly cancelled, we were so not looking forward to it.  I am quite gobby in RL, but I am not that comfortable in those kind of situations - but I'm not sure many are TBH.  Our group clicked quite well, and no-one had to give out details of their situation.  Along the line, some details came out, but not from everyone.

We thoroughly enjoyed our prep course, although can't pretend the last 2 sessions weren't hard going. I even ended up being the speaker on more than one occasion, something I told myself I just wouldn't do.  The SW's were amazing as well, and really kind... more than sympathetic when needed.  Completely different from what I'd been told previously.

Best of luck... just be yourself, and you can't go far wrong!!


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## Lauren (Jul 2, 2004)

Hi Loobylou,

I totally agree with what everyone else has said.  I too, hate speaking in public in front of a group of people and especially about such personal and sensitive isssues.  But the SW's running our prep course made the point at the beginning of the first session that they are very aware that everyone is different and that some people are comfortable speaking in public, while others aren't and that is absolutely fine.  At the end of the day it doesn't make you a better or worse parent!  Our prep course was only about 12 people, all very friendly, and very supportive.  I was amazed at the comfort I found in being with a group of people all in exactly the same situation as me and all having been through very similar experiences in terms of tx.

I would say go for it and you will find the strength, with the support of your dh, to get through it AND enjoy it!

Good luck.

Lots of love
Lauren xxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Lou

Welcome.  I think you can see that we all feel a little reserved in these situations.  I am quite happy in speaking out loud but not about my personal feelings or issues.  However the course was great and I built a really good rapport with our SW.  

On the course we never openly talked about why we were there, but some people did discuss this when we were on breaks but not everyone joined the conversations.

In the home study we didn't get on to these issues until the later sessions so by this time we had built the rapport with our SW so felt at ease when talking about it.  But they do need to know.

Hope you find the experience different to your previous interactions with SS.

Good luck
Karen x


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## loobylou713 (May 8, 2005)

Well i have actually applied for the pack to start the ball rolliing. I got a call today saying a pack was being sent out and after they receive it we will be invited for a interview and group sessions are in july thats if we get an interview before then. Not sure how long this all takes or what happens we excited and nervous at the same time.
Thanks for all the word of encouragement from everyone.


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