# Feeling stressed- Now just angry!



## EveyBee (Mar 17, 2009)

Hi  just need to moan a bit!


After two years we have been linked with a lo and have got as far as meeting foster careers and docs, matching meet is next week but panel isn't until oct.  


Both feeling really stressed. During the meeting with the foster careers it was going really well and they said they were really happy lo would be coming to us but then the child's family finder said that nothing was decided and they had still had a lot of things to go through first before deciding on the match.  We are the only ones linked with lo and the child's sw and our sw said our par and caras match up perfectly.


We have seen pictures and are now head over heels in love with lo. The child's sw and ff both wanted lo,s room to be done before the link meeting which we did so now it's a constant reminder.


We are excited but between the family finder and the waiting we are feeling a bit down! Family don't understand so thought I would talk to people who are going through similar things!


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

I feel for you, we were linked nearly a month ago and have been told nothing more until matching panel is done? I've never read it to be like that before so feeling really strange but nothing we can do about it, we're not having any meetings apparently until afterwards? like you we've been told to go ahead and do stuff, yet haven't even heard from SW since the day after the visit and the call the next day to say we'd been successful


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Don't worry ladies, the same happened to us. We meet with FC and she said she knew we were going to be great parents and it was if we were meant to be. About a week later I was shocked to discover they had a pre match meeting to discuss if we were going to be officially match ? It's the FC, FC sw, ff, your sw and lo sw. I am not sure who else was involved at this meeting. But they take into account everything the FC says about you and look over your par again. I never knew they did this just thought they went straight to mp ! 
It's normal and just routine so try not to worry xx sending you both Huggs xx


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Macgyver said:


> Don't worry ladies, the same happened to us. We meet with FC and she said she knew we were going to be great parents and it was if we were meant to be. About a week later I was shocked to discover they had a pre match meeting to discuss if we were going to be officially match ? It's the FC, FC sw, ff, your sw and lo sw. I am not sure who else was involved at this meeting. But they take into account everything the FC says about you and look over your par again. I never knew they did this just thought they went straight to mp !
> It's normal and just routine so try not to worry xx sending you both Huggs xx


Thanks Macgyver, so in your experience once you'd had home visit from sw, lo so & ff you had nothing more until matching panel? Ive just managed to find copies of my la's procedures online and it does say the same, definitely says the planning meeting takes place after matching panel, how come soooo many others do it differently etc? its frustrating and worrying when yours doesn't do the same! xxx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Yes sorry (WP - didn't realise you hadn't had match meet yet), this needs to be done before SWs can prepare for official Match Panel as this is seen as Independant.

Once the Match Meet has been held you should hear more re dates etc & loss medical advisor and/or nursery/school teachers depending on age if LO.

Keep the faith & try and distract where possible to stop you going completely crazy x


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

GERTIE179 said:


> Yes sorry (WP - didn't realise you hadn't had match meet yet), this needs to be done before SWs can prepare for official Match Panel as this is seen as Independant.
> 
> Once the Match Meet has been held you should hear more re dates etc & loss medical advisor and/or nursery/school teachers depending on age if LO.
> 
> Keep the faith & try and distract where possible to stop you going completely crazy x


Im lost again..  We've had the sw, ff & lo sw come to ours nearly a month ago, got our call next day to say successful and congratulations, (was in-house match we were only couple considered).

Since then my sw has been off as Ive tried to contact, however spoken to lo sw who said they'd had a meeting prior to our sw being off and all was on track, we've been given mp date and intros their 'aiming for', but when I asked lo sw what next she said nothing until matching 'panel' had taken place, yet last time I spoke to our sw she also said we would get a call from lo medical advisor to go over any concerns etc, not had it yet!

Its a month the end of this week but Im unsure if my sw is on some leave for personal reasons, sounds silly but I cant chase yet as I'm classed as anxious and makes me feel rotten, so dh is going to call end of this week for an update as in theory I will be leaving work in 4-5 weeks so need to know all is still going to plan, lack of communication is extremely painful thats for sure and worrying that someones changed their mind along the way :-( xx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Waiting_patiently said:


> Macgyver said:
> 
> 
> > Don't worry ladies, the same happened to us. We meet with FC and she said she knew we were going to be great parents and it was if we were meant to be. About a week later I was shocked to discover they had a pre match meeting to discuss if we were going to be officially match ? It's the FC, FC sw, ff, your sw and lo sw. I am not sure who else was involved at this meeting. But they take into account everything the FC says about you and look over your par again. I never knew they did this just thought they went straight to mp !
> ...


Yes we meet sw first, then we got told we had been linked

We then meet FC, our sw and lo sw together at our home about two weeks later

We then meet lo medical advisor

They had a pre match meeting

We were then sent our APR to finish off

Then nothing until matching panel

After mp another meeting to handover intro materials and get the schedule for introductions

Then all steam ahead to introductions xxx


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Macgyver said:


> Waiting_patiently said:
> 
> 
> > Macgyver said:
> ...


Ah you see we've had nothing re meeting foster carer only that we'll get a call from medical advisor, thats it :-( so worrying but cant chase as all I get is ' I will call if I need you' :-( feels so belittling like you cant ask anything and tbh I've had enough of the tarring with anxious etc etc so will leave it to dh from now on x

* to add I wouldn't mind but barely call, only do because otherwise we'd hear nothing, its so demoralising x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

If it was anything like us, they had trouble getting hold of the medical advisor and this set us back a few weeks to get an appointment with them. They maybe waiting until you see the medical advisor before the FC meeting as after seeing the medical advisor we again were asked if we wanted to proceed after talking to the MA. If you meet with FC before this and then say no it would waste the FC time.m
I am not saying that's why but to me it makes sense.
We only saw FC before due to sw having issues getting hold of MA and she didn't want to delay it any further. X


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## EveyBee (Mar 17, 2009)

Glad to hear we are not the only ones at sea but also sorry that others have to go through this.  Just hate the not knowing, walking into Lo,s room is lovely but also we feel a bit sad.  

We have already come to the decision that this is it for us.  It's this lo or nothing.  We have already been through so much.  We went through hell to get our bc and are very grateful to have have a child already.  We tick every box for this lo and vice versa we would always compare every link to this lo which isn't fair to any child.


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

All I can say EveyBee and Waiting is that I can feel your frustrations with the time your matches seem to be taking and the waiting really isn't easy. As many have already mentioned every LA and VA do it differently. For us;

linked and the boys Form Es given to us at the end of May

One week later we met with the LOs SW and the legal adviser (difficult legal situation)

One week later we met with the medical officer

The following week we met with LOs SW and both sets of FCs

Our SW traveled to meet the boys and spend some time with them

Following this meeting our SW and boys SW and FCs met with LAs big wigs at a linking part 2 meeting

After linking part 2 we were given photos of the boys 

A few weeks ago we were told MP in early August and given FCs contact details (they were happy about this!)

Since then nothing has happened but waiting and getting some more adorable photos of LOs from FCs

We know we will go to MP next week but we have no date set for intros and only a rough timescale of October


I reckon we have been really lucky when it comes to how great both sets of FCs have been but also the good communication we have gotten from our SW and the LOs. EveyBee I know exactly what you mean about going into LOs rooms, as we don't know when we might bring our boys home I am finding this hard and occasionally I do worry that it won't happen. I guess we just have to have faith and plenty of patience. It's not much consolation but it does help to know others are in a similar situation.


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## EveyBee (Mar 17, 2009)

Matching meeting went great- got a yes and then onto panel end of sept.  

But then got a phone call from our sw yesterday- lo's mum has just had another baby, but in a different area and now that council wants the two placed together.  They are now going to court and we have to wait and see what they say.

We said a while ago that we would consider another child-but later down the road and dependent on how things went with this little one.  So p!!!!d off right now.  Have told our sw that what if there is something in this new ones cara we can't cope with what then?  Do we not get our lo?  

Apparently we just have to 'wait and see'.


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## Maccer (Feb 2, 2010)

I am so sorry EveyBee, I hope you get some answers soon.  

Maccer xx


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## EveyBee (Mar 17, 2009)

Thank you. Neither dh or myself are feeling hopeful and we are usually both 'look on the bright side of everything' people.

Just want an end, both feel like chucking it in.  Dh has always been so strong throughout all treatments and mc's but can see him starting to crumble and it's it hardest thing to see. Not sure how much more we can go through.


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