# Waiting for next cycle/BFN chatter pt2



## Shellebell

Happy  




Remember although we don't mind you staying in contact and support your mates on here, we ask that no cycle or BFP chatter takes please on this thread 
Ta Muchley


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## wombat13

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone, sending you all lots of   and   on yet another   day!!  
Got our gynae appointment on Tuesday when hopefully we will get some answers and a timescale for how long it could take to get back to our little frosties, so please everyone send us lots of good wishes for then  
hope you are all staying  
love
wombat x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hey Wombat, your lil thread got closed so here I am  

Good luck for tuesday, hopeing it gives you lots of answers and a little of that possitive mojo ready for them to 'come home' xxx


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## wombat13

Hi Bubble, I know, that totally confused me as to why I couldn't reply to you all, until I saw it had been "locked"?! don't know why 
thanks for the positive wishes; Tuesday can't come quick enough really - I really need to stop wishing my life away!  But like you said before, we seem to be eternally _waiting _ for something!!
anyway, hope you are having a good day hon xxx
wombat hugs xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

lol it's always the way hun, we spend our childhood wishing away the years untill we're adults and then for us ladies our adults years wishing away the time till we have children  

I'm ok, had a bit of a blue day today, not sad as such just feel a little in need of a hug and ''there, there'' home time soon though! 

xx


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## wombat13

Hope that keeps you going xxx


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## Blondebimbette

Hi ladies, just bookmarking and saying hi, didn't want to lose the thread. Not having a great week and don't know how to put it into words right now so just sending hugs to all and hi to new ladies, hope to chat with you all soon xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Not sure why the old thread got moved?  But now also just re-bookmarking the new thread so that I don't lose it  

Sorry to hear that both Blondebimbette and Bubbles85 are feeling low at the mo    It gets you like that sometimes doesn't it, sometimes for no particular reason that you're aware of, it just creeps up on you.  Hugs to both  

I've more or less gone a whole week now without tears - amazing!  Although I did well up a little bit when talking to my counsellor on Wednesday - but not sure that counts as crying  

I know I've already sent you lots of luck for your appt on Tuesday Wombat13, but wanted to send you lots more luck      Really hope everything goes well and that you get the answers you're looking for  

xxx


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## LauraHC

Hi All 

oooh, we have been moved. Hope all of you are OK. Thanks very much Nosilab for your words of support earlier this week - they helped.  

So - had to go through the utter pointlessness of doing a pregnancy test when bleeding like a stuck pig (sorry, TMI) Was negative of course. Did not find it too depressing really, as I appear to have become rather robotic and unemotional about it all - haven't cried since Tuesday. As I spent 15 hours crying on Monday, maybe this is to be expected. Honestly feel like I am on autopilot. Also have serious levels of anger with people who are NOT responsible for this (pretty much all my close friends that are pregnant or have little babies - errr, envy much?!) Am hoping I will get myself out of the bitter barn soon. I really don't want to be a miserable old fish who scowls everytime someone else has happy news. 

Anyway - Now we have to decide what to do - our clinic has rubbish frozen success rates (26%) which feels a bit like going back to IUI (ie pointless, who on earth ever gets pregnant from it!?) As that's it on the NHS (yes, my PCT will only fund 1 fresh cycle) we would have to go private for the next fresh cycle. With all the 3 month waiting you have to do, we've worked out that our next fresh cycle (if the frozen don't work) would be December / January at the earliest. Given this, I think we have decided to get a PP consultation now to explore the option of having a fresh go in September, instead of using the frozen ones then. If the success rates were higher I think we would make a different call, but they are what they are. So will now be saving all my pennies (although we have been doing that for about a year already as we knew this might happen.) 

On that subject, if anyone else tells me I need to go on a fabulous child-free holiday I will start asking for donations. Am going to be living off beans for the next 6 months, so don't tell me to wax the cash on a holiday when I need it for babies!!!! Although we are going to go on a weekend away just to try and enjoy ourselves. 

Feeling very bad for my husband - poor man with his defective wife. I keep thinking he should leave me and get a 25 year old that actually works. This is not a nice thought. 

Oh well I am sure there is some positive learning to be had out of this experience. Somewhere. And one of my friends sent me a mug which said I was amazing so that was nice. 

Hope all are well. 

love a robotic and unfeeling shell of a person (Laura!) x


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## wombat13

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!

Laura - you ARE amazing! we all are for all the things we go through for this, and still somehow manage to go out and face the world and get on with each and every day as if our hearts weren't consumed by this evil rollercoaster! Sending you loads of   and    - I know things will be tough right now, especially as you are watching the pennies but it is good that you have a plan to focus on and will treat yourselves to a lovely weekend to be kind to yourselves. Give yourself a break and keep telling yourself it's OK to be mad/sad/bitter/frustrated/whatever it takes for you to heal. You WILL get through it. xxxx

Blondebimbette - sorry you're feeling low hon. I hate those days/weeks, they sneak up and stubbornly remain unshakable sometimes - I can only offer my personal failsafe recipe: Bacon sandwich, Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut bar and a good film curled up on the sofa in PJs. Hope that helps xx  

Bubble - how you doing today hon? Hope you've managed to shake off the blues and have a lovely weekend lined up. xx  

Nosilab - thanks for the extra   , I have convinced myself that if I just wish hard enough, and get enough positive energy behind me, all will be well!    What is the story behind your name btw? (I love it because it makes me think of a Lab with a big wet nose!) xx    

AFM - been a pretty good day to end an up and down week. Just as I was finishing up my boss brought in a chocolate cake she made and it was YUMMY! I think every Friday should be cake day. Wombats love cake (and tea!)   note to the web designers, I wish there was a cake icon on the smileys so I could give everyone a virtual slice! 
think the sugar has gone to my head.... signing off the babbling with a great big wombat hug for everyone and a wish for a lovely weekend with joy in small places xxx


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## cfb107

Hello ladies   (is it ok to say hi here?)

I'm waiting to start IVF PGD at Nott Care. Initial consultation (with the TV scan & hubby's 'sample') June 21. Am feeling like this is a long wait until first cycle; totally FED UP at the moment. People having babies left right and centre. Also not wanting to turn into sourpuss. So that is my rant over.

Laura - I feel you!!!!! (Except I'm 26 and have been defective all my life so there's no guaranteeing hubby would be onto a good one with a 25 yr old  ). I know the bad wife feeling - feel so responsible for this.

Anyway  to the rest of you and very much looking forward to getting to know some people


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello Ladies - sorry for the lack of personals but sending some   &    out to my fellow comrades!
CFB107 - Hope all goes well for your first tx, there is a special section for first timers I will post the link for you  so you can post there too. 
Care are awesome (as I think I posted to you via another thread) so am sure you will be in fab hands which consultant are you seeing xx


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## cfb107

We're seeing Maha... Do you know her? 

Thanks for the link!


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## CTD

Hi,

Got my bfn yesterday. Still very tearful, but super keen to start treatment again ASAP. I'm getting cramps but AF hasn't arrived yet. 

Any idea long clinics like to leave between cycles?


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## CTD

Doh - teary eyes, can barely read screen, should read:

Any idea how long clinics like to leave between cycles?

x


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## julesbfd

Hi
I had a bfn on the 5th april as af arrived before otd.  I have had my follow up and the clinic agreed that they would class that bleed as my first af,the one that was due this month as the 2nd and that I could have another icsi cycle starting on the next period.
I had worked out af should of arrived last week but still hasn't shown,nearly a week and a half later than calculated.
I am meant to be having a baseline scan on wednesday but will have to cancel as not had af.
Can anyone please tell me if it is normal to wait so long for af to arrive after tx,I just want to get going and don't even feel like I am going to come on.

Ctd - I think most clinics say 3 months for another fresh cycle,mine are going to let me do it after 2,only bcos I persuaded them,well that's if af would hurry up and arrive.
Take care of yourslef,its early days,mind you saying that when I had my bfn I just wanted to get going again.


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## Nosilab

Hi LauraHC - how are you feeling today? It's just awful what infertility can do to a person isn't it! It does leave you feeling like a shell of a person. But I don't believe for one minute that you are robotic or unfeeling - just someone who is sad and grieving. This can take a lot out of you, infertility is constantly challenging and takes so much energy just to get through day to day life. Don't be too harsh on yourself, you're stronger than you give yourself credit for and I'm sure your DH wouldn't want to change you, not one little bit. Big hugs  

Hi Wombat13 - Nosila is just my name backwards (Alison), sadly nothing to do with lovely labradores  It's a long story but it's a nickname I've since I was really little - my sisters and brother usually call me either Nosila/Nos/Nossy  So glad you had a positive end to the week, chocolate cake _always _ helps to do that! I totally agree, that every Friday should be 'cake Friday' 

Hello and welcome cfb107 - hope you enjoy chatting to everyone on here  Hope the next few weeks leading up to the 21st June whizz past for you 

Hello to CTD and julesbfd - so very sorry to hear about your BFN  Lots of hugs to both of you


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## LauraHC

Hi All 

Welcome CTD and Julesbfd - really sorry to hear about your recent BFNs. 

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I mostly hibernated. Feel a bit bad about it really - my 2 best friends tried to see if I was free but I couldn't face either of them, as one has a 17 week old unbelievably cute baby and the other has just started trying  for a baby and is all excited about it (and I don't think it will be long until the 'announcement.') I just didn't want a pity party, so instead I went out with a friend who never talks about babies on Saturday and then hid in my house on Sunday. 

Still feel quite detached from it all really. so horrible having to wait for 3 months to go again - just feel as if life is on hold. ah well. 

Wombat - good luck this week at the gynae appointment, hope it goes well.

Laura xx


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## CTD

Julesbfd - thanks for the advice, I really want to start again ASAP, but if they recommend waiting three months for my body to readjust and give us the best chances I'm not sure what I should do. I just need to wait and see I suppose. 

LauraHC - I'm with you on the antisocial side. Can't bring myself to accept any invitations or make any plans with friends at the moment. 

AFM - AF arrived this morning, which made me sad but also got me frantically trying to work out likely dates for future treatments. The   continues. 

Also, I just wanted to ask - in these inbetween months, presumably it's ok to carry on trying to conceive naturally?!?? I just want to feel like I'm doing something! 

x


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## LauraHC

Hi CTD 

Yeah, it's fine physically to try naturally - but mentally I think it will probably kill me to 'try' over the next 3 months so am not sure what we will do. Not to give anyone a sense of doom but I read that there is something like a 0.05% chance of you concieving naturally after trying for 2 years. Blimmin statistics  So doesn't seem worth putting myself through the anxiety (although no doubt I will - am always having fantasies about how I shall announce my surprise pregnancy.) 

Am so anti social it isn't even funny. Anyone who is of child bearing years is getting a wide berth from me. Just can't be bothered with anything really. 

Ps. 2 ******** announcements this weekend have forced me to have a ban on logging on. Seriously, I cannot take anymore happy baby pictures / scans / jokes about how fat people are getting. Especially as the only thing I can think to post goes something like this - 'INTERNAL SCREEEEEEAM.' As I am not about to overshare on ********, I feel that my voluntary removal is the only option!!! 

Laura x


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## wombat13

Awwww, Laura - wish I could really reach out of the computer and give you a great big hug! You sound so down hon, it's horrible isn't it, especially as we're forced to isolate ourselves from most of the world! Bah! Hope this helps     
I agree that there should definitely be no ** while you're on this "journey" - it only takes the stupidest little thing to upset you. Last month a friend posted a scan picture with the gratifying info that he "only has to look at his wife" to get her pregnant... as I couldn't respond "Oh  , I decided to remove myself from it for the forseeable!   anyway, just wanted to say, you are not alone, and vent all you need on here!

Nosilab - thanks for clearing that up!   I'm still going to think of cute puppies though!   Hope your week has got off to a good start and wishing you lots of cakes...

Bubble - how you holding up hon? Hope you had a lovely weekend x

Hello to cfb107, CTD, julesbfd - lots of great big wombat hugs to you all   this rollercoaster really is the worst thing ever and no-one who hasn't been on it can possibly know what it's like or how devastating it can be... lots of     for the future

AFM - gynae appointment tomorrow, feel nervous and anxious to get some answers, really praying for a positive consultation  

love wombat xxx


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## cfb107

I've been thinking of removing myself from ** too. Am a little torn as I don't want to see all the stupid B stuff (can't even bring myself to say the word!) BUT all my translocation friends are also on there -as we live around the world it's the way to stay in touch - & they have done a stellar job of keeping me sane over the years. Ho hum. 

Went to a party on Saturday and our friend (with two children, 1 conceived within a week of trying & the other an accident) said we'll have them to turn to - as I expressed doubt & fear about IVF. Yeah, sure we're going to be doing that - I can remember 18 months ago when she said adopting is 'not the same' as having your 'own' children very clearly, & how I cried on the drive home afterwards! As if she knows - has she adopted? I think not.

Grrrrrrrr. This is all.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

CFB107 - as an adopted child myself, and a lady now struggling to concieve myself (so able to see things from both sides) you can tell your friend love is love, it is the journey you take together over a life time, NOT the way you find one another ! 

I will love my babies no matter where I find them (as I'm sure you will) , or how their journey to me is made, because they are already my children in my heart.


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## cfb107

Aw Bubble thank you for sharing! 

It's always great to meet people who are adopted!

We are definitely gonna adopt (if we pass the screening etc). It's always been a plan - it's something I've imagined doing since I was a teenager. And then I met my hubby and he feels the same way - he says it doesn't make any difference to him as he's not the one carrying the children...

Anyway I'm not adopted nor do I know anyone who is adopted... There's a lady I know through the translocation community, but she adopted from China and lives in Canada so I guess that's quite different to our system over here. She said I could always ask her about anything though. As well we figured we'd rather adopt than take out loans/sell our house or whatever else it took to pay for IVF PGD at £10,000 a round. So we only have as many cycles as the NHS give us.

Last summer my hubby found a document online, supposedly in effect from last year, saying that in Leicestershire funding for IVF PGD should be unlimited for one baby, provided the couple aren't infertile. It seems too good to be true, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when you were adopted? Again, thanks for sharing!


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## rachel petch

Hiya girls, just thought I'd check in, not been around for a while, just 'getting on' with stuff, I suppose. I ve just had a few days away to see my sister and nephews over in Germany, I went on my own, which was lovely, however I did miss my hubby like mad!
He s been working away so much, and we're saving furiously for our 2week holiday with our very good freinds in June, we ve hired a villa on a golf course in Spain, (for the boys)!!
Then our 3rd and final IVF in July (start day 21 of cycle), I ve not really been thinking about it until recently, I do feel a little desperate to say the least, as it is our last go! But what will be will be....... Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball, just to see if it's all worth it!!!
We re going to be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary whilst on holiday, never did I think for one minute that I'd be sat here writing on this thread, still childless! For the most time I put on a brave face, and say things like "Oh what will be, will be etc...." but deep down its really gutting, and this is why I have to give up after this attempt, as I'm 40 next year and I just feel I ve lent the last 10 years to ttc, and I just feel I need to draw a line and give up. Let me just say though this will be the 1st time I ve ever thrown the towel in, I'm a business woman and run a very successful salon, so I dont give in easily. But I can t cope with anymore rejection/disappointment.
On a lighter note, I'm enjoying myself at the moment, and starting to prepare the body/mind/soul for our next go. So hopefully the holiday will do us both good.

I just wanna say, to all you ladies just beginning your ivf journey, I dont know everything to do with IVF but if I can offer any advice, please just ask.

Good luck to you all xxxxRachxxxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Laura - as Wombat13 says, I wish I could just give you a big hug!! It's so horrible isn't it when you just want to hibernate away, and nobody else understands why   I often feel the same.  Even though we all know we're not alone on this journey, there are thousands of others out there facing the same, it still feels very isolating and you just want to scream at times    We have a woman at work who is about 8 months pregnant and even though she is absolutely lovely I have to avoid eye contact with her - I just can't bear to look at her massive pregnant belly!!  Hmmm good ol' ******** - rearing it's ugly head again!  I couldn't stand it any longer and closed my account at the end of December - it was just too much for me  

Hi wombat13, how are you doing?  How did your appt go today?!?!  I think it's lovely that my name reminds you of cute puppies, that puts a smile on my face    Thanks for sending some virtual cakes!  I went to a meeting at work yesterday and came back to find a mini choc muffin on my desk - Mmmm mmm!!  Then someone treated me to a bar of Dairy Milk today, can't be bad eh! 

cfb107 - just a thought, could you set up a new ** account, under a different name and then only add/invite your translocation friends to join - that way you still get to keep in contact with those friends, without seeing all the other 'stuff' on **?  How completely insensitive of your friend to say that about adoption!  My DH is adopted and he had the most loving and caring upbringing with is adoptive mum, he absolutely adored her.  When he found out he was adopted it made him love her even more (if that was possible) as he realised just what she'd done for him and how much he was loved and wanted.  I think what Bubble85 is absolutely lovely    I'm so glad to hear that your DH is as keen on adoption as you are  

Rachel - I really hope you enjoy your holiday, sounds like it's just what you need, especially before tx starts.  Will keep everything crossed for you for this cycle of IVF - after ttc for 10 years I think it's well and truly 'your turn'


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## LauraHC

Hi Everyone 

Thanks for all the lovely words here, really appreciate it Wombat and Nosilab. 

Hey to everyone else too - Rachel your post really struck a chord with me, 10 years is such a long time to give to this, you are VERY brave. I can understand why you are saying that the next cycle is it - We've only (!) been trying for 3 years and already I feel like it's broken a part of me and made me into someone I sometimes don't recognise and don't like very much at all. Like you, I mostly put on a brave face but at the moment I just don't have it in me, hence isolating myself. Noone likes a misery guts and I don't want to face my friends who are all really happy when I feel sooooo bitter barn about this. Its so hard when you still have hope!! But not having hope would be worse. Whole thing a catch 22. 

Now I need to have a little vent. My best friend (who has a 5 month old v cute baby) sent me this text message on Monday night - now, the caveat to this is it wasn't JUST to me, its a group message with 2 of our other very close friends, so maybe not as bad as it first appears. But still killed me. It said - 'Tomorrow I will mostly be listening to my new nursery rhyme CD I got today... I'm so down with the kids. What excitement beholds you on this Tuesday?'  
I honestly was so cross that I wanted to write back 'Ummmm well today I'll mostly be grieving for my unborn baby and the fact that IVF didn't work for us 4 DAYS ago. Have fun playing with your darling baby, you insensitive oaf.' 

But I didn't. In fact, I haven't replied. I think the reason I am so dissappointed is that I thought that she of all people would be the most supportive, when in actual fact she has been rubbish - that was the 1st message I had had from her since Friday. Now, the question is, do I say something or not I know she must have baby brain and a part of me just thinks 'ah well, suck it up misery guts, it's pretty hard being friends with you at the moment so give her a break.' The other half wants to shout at her for being so completely useless. What do people think? 

Hope everyone is OK. 

Laura xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Laura - I do feel for you hun, and we have all had to face a few text messages, ** announcements or verbal dioarreah moments  

It is NATURAL to feel defensive whilst coming to terms with a failed cycle, and even those who do not stumble in with misplaced comments can bring the odd tear without ever meaning too. 

I think whether or not you are being defensive due to hurt , or whether your friend deserves a little glare and 'chat' depends on a few factors;

Did your pal know your cycle had failed/and if so had she spoken to you prior to that message? 
If that was litterally the first thing she has said/text since your news, then maybe a private reply would be best just saying you are struggling right now, and suprised to find yourself feeling a little alone, it is easy to understand some friends particuarly those with children can feel like they should ''back off'' or ''say nothing'' as they struggle to relate but equally that a text message simply saying she is thinking of you or a wordless hug would mean more than anything. 

If she didn't know/or even if she did then it was a group message and may well be that she was trying to be normal with you (thinking that may be appreciated) after all as much as we want people to understand we also dont want our friends to feel they have to be miserable 24/7 , I think sometimes people thnk not talking about it provides some kind of escape (maybe sometimes it even does.... for a moment or two) 

The real question is if you belive you're friend was being genuinely insensitive/ or accidentally touched a nerve by trying to include you in her normal day to day life? 

Being around friends with small perfect babies will always be hard at times when doing this, BUT for me, I try and remember that I can't ask people to stop being a mummy untill I get my turn there will ocassionally be talk about the nightmares of the school run/ a sleepless night or how fab it will be to have a whole night child free while the LO is with grandma/grandad. If need be, I allow myself a 5 miniute wobble and chocolate biscuit, then try and change my feelings about it towards a more sunny ''one day I'll be desperate for a day off, particuarly if our LO is as cheeky as DH'' outlook  
They way tx's can affect friendships is very difficult and also I think is very unexpected as before starting tx we always imagine it's the strain with our DP or loved ones that will be most obvious, sadly sometimes it's the people we always thought would be the most supportive that brumble when leant on xxxx


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## CTD

LauraHC - i can see why you got so frustrated!   There have been quite a few moments where people have said things to me which have driven me secretly potty!!! But I think most people live their lives in their own little bubbles and find it hard to really, properly empathise with other people, especially when they haven't gone through it (or anything vaguely similar!) themselves. Maybe a few gentle, timely reminders (avoiding the temptation to be sarcastic) would do the trick. 

I've told very few people about our treatment - as I find that the easiest way of coping. Some of my friends don't want children so I know they'd find it difficult to sympathise with me, others have lots of gorgeous little ones, but I don't want them to feel awkward and keep their distance from me. So instead I've told my closest friend and two people in work (who needed to know). I get so much support and reassurance and advice from all the lovely ladies on FF that I don't feel the need to tell anybody else.

xx


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## wombat13

Hi girls, just a quick update from me following our appt yesterday - I would have posted yesterday but we had a flippin' power cut in all that hail, nightmare!  thanks for all your thoughts and  xxx
Anyway, saw the gynae chap and he was really positive and reassuring - he said I would be "spectacularly unlucky" if it turned out to be cancer and that the operation shouldn't have any effect on the chances of successful implantation in the future - can't tell you how relieved I feel, it really had been weighing on my mind since EC. 
So my op is booked for two weeks' time - yet _another_ two week wait!  but that is quick, so I'm really pleased. I'm going to need a general anaesthetic cos apparently it's in quite a tricky place but to be honest I would rather not know what was going on until it is all over!
so - hopefully one step closer to getting back on track 

nosilab - I have got serious chocolate envy now!  stopping for a dairy milk run after running tonight methinks... 

Laura - another massive  coming your way! Why oh why do people have to be so insensitive?! Grrr...  I think Bubble is probably right though, she was probably just trying to be 'normal' with you and not leave you out of her chat, but that doesn't help!! Maybe a gentle word in her ear next time you guys have some time together might be helpful xxx

Bubble - hope you're OK. Your posts are always inspiring xxx

CTD - I'm with you on keeping this to yourself (apart from on here of course! ) I've only told two close friends - and my mum! - and no-one at all at work - they are such a gossipy lot, it would have been a nightmare! It does mean you get bruised by the occasional careless remark, but I would rather that than a dozen people not knowing what to say or, worse, asking about it all the time. Plus, I think this is a private thing between me and DH (and the dozens of FF-ers of course!), and it is no-one else's business how we (hopefully) get to our family in the end xxx

big wombat hugs to everyone else  you are all the bravest women I know xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Laura

Oh dear! I can totally understand why you are so upset with that text. Sadly (very sadly!) people who have never experienced infertility will _never _ understand the true feelings of devastation and grief associated with this. As the Infertility Etiquette link says "as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time" ( http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=276276.0 ). I do probably think your friend was only trying to 'include' you and be 'normal' with you BUT that still doesn't make it acceptable in my mind. She could have worded it slightly differently, or sent you a separate message just asking how you're doing and what you're plans are for the day instead of talking about nursery rhymes! I think a friendly gentle word with her will do the trick, and just explain they are you really struggling at the moment and finding things really tough, and although you are grateful that she wants to include you in friendly chit chat, that some things still really hurt you. What you're really looking for is her support, but more importantly her understanding. Have you watch the 'Hopes and Tears - the infertility awareness project' video? Big hugs to you Laura, take it easy and know that everything you think and feel is perfectly normal  

Hey Wombat! Did you stop off for your Dairy Milk fix?!  Hubby bought me a Wispa Duo that eve too!! I could soooo easily have eaten it lol! But thought I ought to be sensible and so saved it to bring in to work - amazingly it's still sat in my drawer untouched - but I think that might end today!! In serious need of choccy today. Had a bit of an emotional phone call to a friend last night and it's left me feeling a bit bleugh!! It was a good phone call, but I got very emotional and cried - a lot! So I think it's Wispa Duo to the rescue  More importantly though - fantastic news about your appointment  No wonder you are soooo relieved! The next 2 weeks will whizz by in no time I'm sure. We had that massive hail storm too!! It was all a bit freaky really, beautiful sunshine one minute and then hail! Where abouts are you - I'm in Bath, just wondered if we caught the same storm?!

Big hello to everyone else  xx


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## wombat13

Hi Nosilab!

Wow, I am seriously impressed with your chocolate willpower! I am usually quite good myself at not snacking, but the last few months... well, let's just say that no fruit 'n' nut is safe!!    feel like I can have the odd bar now though cos I'm using this waiting period to start up all my old exercise that I had to stop! Silver lining and all that...  
Sorry you had such an emotional phone call, although sometimes that can feel good, to let it all out! My best friend doesn't live anywhere near me any more but she's one of only two people who know what we're going through, and when I was talking to her recently about everything I cried like mad! But it felt good afterwards, if you know what I mean?! Anyway, hope it was cathartic and not upsetting xx  
I'm a little bit north of you, in Cambridgeshire, but I think it was the same hail storm, just rampaging all over! I've always wanted to visit Bath, is it as nice as everyone says?; see, now I'm imagining you swanning around the streets in a Jane Austen bonnet!  
Apologies, I really do think this process has sent me a bit dappy!

hope everyone else has a fun weekend lined up, and that this lovely sunshine stays with us at last so i can go and enjoy my garden!  
Going to a 40th party tomorrow (how grown-up!) so I'm looking forward to being one of the youngest!  

big wombat hugs and cakes to all  
wombat xx


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## gem27

Hello ladies can I join this thread? Yesterday I had to poas even though I had been heavily bleeding since Sunday. If course it was a bfn  this is our 1st cycle and have used all our money (well put it all on a credit card) for it and now we r łeft with lots of debt and no baby and no chance if another cycle soon as no money  feeling absolutely devastated and heart broken. To make matters worse my uounger sister is pregnant and I can't bare talking to her. I've wanted this for soooo long not her. 
Sorry go joining on such a down note but I duno what to do. My friends try to be supportive but say things like oh well ur still young or y don't u try to get it on the nhs or it will happen to u or what a shame or well at least now you can think about something else for a while. Grrrrrr no one seems to understand that I want this now, I've been waiting all my life, been trying fir 3.5 years and I don't want tobhave to go through this again, I don't want to have to save for 18minths etc I just want to e normal xnd have a passionate night with my dh and have a baby like normal people.


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## LizzieBee

Hi peeps,

I hope I can join in too.  I got by second BFN on IVF yesterday.  I was sure it had worked this time. 

WARNING - major rant about to start!...BAD day...

Gem 27 - 
I think it's discustung the way the Government and Primary Care Trust treats infertile couples  .  My PCT doesn't pay for any treatment no matter the situation.  So, all treatment is self funded, and expensive!  This is a stressful enough time for couples of all ages and backgrounds facing involuntary childlessness.  I'm thinking of writing to my local MP about it.  It's just not good enough, we would all make better Mum's than those 20yr old buggy wielding chavs with **** hanging out of their mouths who swear at their children and get everything they want handed to them on a plate just because they has sex one night after drinking too many WKDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (obviously I will censor my views when writing my official letter ).

I think that everyone should be given a fair chance of conceiving 2 children.  Services offered should include supplemented time away from work to cope with treatment.  All forms of fertility treatment and complementary therapies, as well as 2 week all inclusive holidays to cope with the stress and depression of a failed attempt!!! (you all with me?!).  The money to fund this should come from childcare benefits - only 2 children should receive benefits, beyond that you support yourself...RANT RANT

Laura - 
As for your friend, I hope her precious little one s**ts all over her most expensive dry clean only dress.  (seriously, I'm sure if she knew how hurtful her actions have been she would feel terrible ).  If I had a pound for every insensitive comment made by friends, family and loved ones I would have enough to pay for another cycle of IVF!!  
No one will EVER know our pain - you are not alone sweet pea        

Today  am feeling very ANGRY! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big hugs to all my fellow hopers.

Liz
x


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## wombat13

A great big   to gem27 and LizzieBee - I know there's nothing I can say to make you both feel any better, but wanted to give you both a great big wombat hug anyway, and hope you find loads of support and comfort here xxx  
gem, your comment about just wanting to be 'normal' really struck a chord with me - sometimes it feels as if everyone else is fine except you and it feels SO unfair! But if there's one thing i've learnt from this site, it is just how many of us there are out there - it's like this big taboo that no-one is talking about but so many are suffering with silently. Big chin up to you both, and rant as much as you want to here to us! 
love wombat xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Wombat!

Hmm don't be too impressed with my willpower  Although the Wispa is STILL untouched (I know...amazing!) I have eaten other naughty stuff in it's place. I need to find my willpower again, somehow, as a couple of years ago I lost 2.5 stone and I don't want to undo all my hard work and put it all back on. Trouble is with me is that when I'm stressed or feeling down I eat - I'm not one of these people who stops eating because they're stressed - I'm the opposite. Yes I know what you mean about letting it all out, and it feeling very cathartic. Even though I cried a lot, it was good to get it all out and talk to this friend who understands how I'm feeling. Bath is a very lovely place to live, although it can get very VERY busy with all the tourists, but we are very lucky to live here - although I do miss living by the coast (I'm originally from Portsmouth down on the South coast). Hahaha!! You do have a very funny image of me!! Flouncing through Bath city centre in my Jane Austen bonnet and my labrador puppy!  I think you might be quite disappointed to know I'm a jeans 'n' tshirt kind of girl with a cat  Hope you enjoy the 40th birthday party this eve xx

Massive hello to gem27 and Lizziebee, so very sorry to hear about your BFNs 

gem27 - I can totally relate to your feelings of devastation, it truly is heartbreaking. Sadly, very sadly friends and family _try _ to understand and _try _ to say the right thing, but because they've never experienced this they have absolutely no idea how this can make someone feel and so they end up making the situation worse. The bottom line is you don't need people to try and say the right thing because there isn't anything anyone can say to make you feel better, all you really need is people's love and understanding, a shoulder to cry on and someone to give you a big hugs when you're feeling low - but people don't realise that. Have you seen the links I posted above, in the reply to LauraHC? I completely understand your feelings of frustration, when all you seem to see around you are people falling pregnant at the drop of a hat. They don't have to rely on the NHS to get them pregnant, or have to save over £5k for the privilege of hopefully having a baby. They just have a few passionate nights with their DP and bingo....baby on the way!! It's just so unfair. Please don't apologise for coming on here when you're feeling so low, that is _exactly _ the time to come on here, to let it all out and talk to people who _do _ understand how you're feeling. Big hugs  xxx

Hi Lizziebee - It's so devastating isn't it, when you've convinced yourself that tx has worked - I was exactly the same so it meant I had an even bigger bump back down to earth when I realised it hadn't worked  Don't even get me started on the whole PCT/funding/postcode lottery/tx restriction issue!!!! It makes me sooooo incredibly mad that this whole system is so inequitable  You have one woman who is entitled to 3 NHS cycles, and then another who isn't entitled to any (and then every combination in between!), just because she has a different postcode - how can 'they' (the PCT) be allowed to decide that one couple deserves it more than another!!! There should be strict regulations in place which entitle all couples to a set amount of cycles, rather than the current 'lucky dip' approach. Anyway, am gonna  up now as I could rant on for ages and then this would be a mammoth post!! I did laugh when you said you'd censor your letter to your MP, oh I don't know, maybe he/she should get the uncensored version?!  Am most definitely with you on your theory for providing/dealing with tx, I really wish it was like that, really I do. Oh to live in an ideal world eh.......  xxx

Well, I'm having another 'down in the dumps' day! I had a lovely but emotional text conversation with another friend this morn, and it's left me feeling a bit  again! AF also arrived this morn, so obviously yet another month with no baby has left me feeling  So, this eve DH and I are off out to the Roman Baths for a 'Museums at night' event (the Baths look beautiful at night all lit up by candle light) and will prob go for a pizza or pub meal beforehand - I desperately need something to cheer me up and take my mind off baby stuff for a few hours...

Hope you all have a good eve....I'm so so grateful for all my Fertility Friends 

PS: I've just realised this _has _ turned into a mammoth post - oops!!


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## benbeculagirl

Hi Ladies

Hoping I can join you all again - Hey Nosila, long time no chat......

Well my first FET was a BFN, so that's one IVF and one FET been and gone, no frosties left, I only had two and one did't survive the thaw, was pinning my hopes on my one wee bean.  TBH I really felt like it had worked for the first 12 days, all sorts of aches and pains, feeling slightly weird and different.  Then 2 days before OTD around lunchtime I suddenly felt completely fine, like nothing had been going on and this carried on until OTD and as we had secretly suspected over the few days before a BFN.  

Can be quite pragmatic about it now as have had a wee holiday away from everything and everyone - saw only 3 people in 3 days! and a couple of weeks off FF to grieve and get used to the idea.

Now back in a positive frame of mind (most days) and ready to get into it.  so now planning on getting fit and losing weight for the next cycle.  Spectacularly failed at the weight loss between cycles 1 and 2 (if poss I would like a stone off, but 7lbs would put me in a good place).  Not tonight though, am off to cook DH a slap up Dinner of his fav's as a thanks for being such a rock during this and even giving up booze and caffeine whilst I did!

Hi there to everyone else and sending everyone lots of


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## Nosilab

Hi benbeculagirl

So very sorry to hear about your BFN    I'm glad you've taken some time out to give yourself some head space.  Sending you  

Hope you and DH enjoy your slap up meal - you both really deserve to spoil yourselves  

Take care and speak soon xx


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## wombat13

Hi Nosilab, have you eaten that Wispa yet?! if not I might come over and get it myself!  
Serious kudos coming your way for the 2.5 stone weight loss - wow, well done you! If that doesn't earn you a bit of choccy every now and again then I don't know what does!  
Glad to hear Bath is as nice as I've always been led to believe - once we get our next lot of timescales sorted out after my op, I might finally see about booking me and DH a little weekend away, so I might be joining those annoying hordes of tourists!!   not sure i'll stretch to a bonnet but maybe a floaty dress or two for swanning about it   (actually, think jeans & t-shirt might be a better bet!)
I had a great time at the party thanks, yet another silver lining about this time was that I could enjoy a couple of glasses of bubbly and just relax and just not think about TTC for once!! sometimes it seems like we've been trying for so long that it has taken over every aspect of our previously-normal lives, so maybe this enforced waiting is a blessing in disguise... no, I don't think I'm ready to go that far yet!  
starting to get a wee bit nervous about my upcoming up; while I was talking to the consultant about it I felt really calm and reassured but now, left to my own devices, I'm starting to worry about all my old fears again, especially the thought that it might mess things up in there and ruin everything! Bah - at least so far I have managed to fight the urge to google my op, cos no good can come of that!

anyway, hope you are having a good day (as good as a Monday can be anyway!) and hi to everyone else. Bring on the sunshine, I hope the forecast for the rest of this week is true!
big wombat hugs xxx


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## wombat13

ps - Hi benbecula girl, I'm trying to lose about 7lbs too, so maybe we can encourage each other!  

pps - Nosilab - LOVE the sound of 'Museums at Night'!   xx


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## Nosilab

Hi wombat!

You're never gonna believe this but the Wispa is still uneaten!!!  BUT...in my defense that's because I took Friday and today off work and so it's still sat in my desk drawer awaiting my return tomorrow    So given that I wasn't in work today I've had a fab Monday thanks!! Hope yours has been a good one?

Thanks re the weight loss!  It was all courtesy of Slimming World.  I was really sceptical when I started, and I know it doesn't suit everyone but it was really great for me.  Since losing that 2.5st I have put about 7lbs back on, but I blame the tx and all the extra hormones I've been pumping my body full of - that's my excuse anyway  

I'm so pleased you enjoyed the party, especially as you were able to enjoy a couple of glasses of bubbly - even better!  We have to look for these little silver linings where ever we can  

It's only natural to feel a wee bit nervous about your upcoming op, nerves are normal and to be expected - but - you'll be in very safe hands.  Definitely resist the urge to Google it, you're better off coming on here and asking someone who's had the same op  

I'm sure you'd absolutely love Bath if you did pop over for a visit, there is a lot to see.  I can always make a few suggestions on places to visit if you'd like me to, nearer the time.  Feel free to PM me if you like.  The Roman Baths on Saturday eve was lovely, as I say, it looks beautiful when it's all lit up at night.  If you happened to visit Bath during August then the Roman Baths are open in the evenings during that month too - so you could experience it for yourselves   xx

Big hello to everyone else   xx


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## Selzi

Hi ladies,

Can I join this thread please. I've just completed my first cycle of IVF. My OTD was on Monday and it was a BFN, which wasn't a surprise as AF started on Sunday. I'm waiting to hear from the clinic next week after they have done an audit of my cycle.  I've also requested a follow up appointment with the consultant, so we will see what they say, but the nurse told me I had to wait until my next period before we could start cycle number 2, so more waiting! Feeling a bit crappy today as still have AF pains and can't find the motivation today to focus on work. But I know I need to think positively. I think I will have a chocolate fix at lunchtime, that always manages to cheer me up! 

Weighed myself today for the first time in 1 month and unbelievably haven't gained any weight during IVF, even though I was a complete couch potato at home and have a sedentary job! I managed to lose a stone before starting IVF as my BMI was over the threshold to be authorised treatment, but I still have about 3 stone to go to get to my ideal weight, so going to focus on losing weight before my next cycle to see if that helps at all. Maybe I shouldn't have that chocolate bar after all...but i'm sure one won't hurt!  

Love to you all

Selzi


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## kyliejade

Hi ladies i hope you don't mind me joining this page. (excuse me for butting in) I put on 7-10lbs during tx, my whole routine went out the window tho.. Struggling to find the motivation to go bk to the gym but I did go today, hoping to lose the weight before my next tx starts.

Anyone got any ideas to help you stay calm/relaxed/stress free during tx? I was stressed out alot last time and can't help but think that contributed to the bfn.

Hope your all well x


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## CTD

Hi kyliejade - I can't help feeling my stressed attitude contributed to my BFN too. I naturally want to be in control of things and as it was my first treatment I was super stressing about every little detail of it, from storing the medication, administering the medication, ensuring my diet & fluid intake was good etc etc etc. I love to exercise, but curtailed that (especially during 2ww) which probably didn't help! Before 2ww I told myself i'd replace exercise with meditation, just 10-15 minutes a couple of times a day, just to allow myself time to sit back, reflect and chill - BUT I never seemed to find the time - despite finding HOURS each day to spend on the internet - paranoid about every little sign or symptom or finding things I could be doing to help my success rate! For my next treatment I really hope just knowing what to expect will help and I'll be stricter with myself on more "chilling" time, walks with DH and less worry. Not sure I'm helping you much, but I guess I'm suggesting finding 2-3 things you enjoy and do them every day as a distraction and a way to try to helutopiaut things into perspective. xx


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## kyliejade

CTD i was exactly the same, it was my 1st treatment too.. hence the stress. Hopefully next time we will know whats coming so hopefully that will help, we're getting a puppy in a couple of weeks so maybe that will help keep my mind on other things (or could add to the sress)lol. I was abit of a gym freak before TX but during i just didn't feel upto it so i took time out once stimms started.. next time i think i'll just get out and go for a long walk just so i'm doing something. Thanks for the suggestions i think that is a good idea.  Good luck with your next cycle, do you know when you'll start? x


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## CTD

Kyliejade - loving the idea of a puppy, definitely a good distraction!!!! We are keen to start out next cycle ASAP, but are not sure when that'll be yet. I've heard different things as to waiting for one or two AFs between treatments?!? We have an appointment next week so should now more then. how about you? Do you want to take a short break or carry on with another treatment? x


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## kyliejade

Ctd - well as my DH works offshore we kinda have to work it around that, he only needs to be there for EC but I live 3hrs away from where I have tx done so I'd prefer it if he was able to come with me.. He's home for the whole of august so depends we might have to wait a little longer. Two weeks til my review so hopefully find out then. I'm impatient I wanna know now lol. Where you having your tx? I'm at guys in London. Xx


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## benbeculagirl

Evening ladies, hows everyone doing today?

Welcome Kyliejade and Selzi

Kyliejade and CTD - Idefinitely found the second round of treatment less stressful than the first, mostly simply because I had a fair idea of what was happening and what the medication etc might do to me.  I found it all easier, all except the 2WW - don't imagine that can do anything other than drive you bonkers 

Well its totally beautiful up here so am able to get my cycle commute to work back on track, its 4.5 miles each way so definitley getting the fitness and fresh air, and also don't know about anyone else but I always feel less like cakes and choc when the weather is good.........hope it keeps up.  And my boss, who is normally a bit of a control freak has decided that its time for a bit of team bonding so we're all off for a picnic on the beach tomorrow  looks like being a good end to the week.

Hey Wombat - bit of mutual encouragement sounds great so heres a weight loss boogie for you      
Selzi/ nosila - how was the choccy bar if either of you succumbed

Ail xxx


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## LizzieBee

Hi Everyone,
Welcome Kyliejade and Selzi!

I blamed stress for the failure of our first IVF attempt.  The second attempt was so much easier, as you know what to expect and you are more used to the injections.  Although a lot of second cycles are successful, ours sadly failed  .  Since then I have become addicted to researching the reasons for why on the internet!  I have read a few reports that say that there is no prooven connection between stress and IVF failure/success.  I think when it doesn't work, we beat ourselves up about every little detail - My advice would be not to get stressed about being stressed!  It's a vicious cycle and won't make much difference anyway...

We got 2 kittens during our first try - they are adorable and I love them to bits - they are always giving me cuddles and come and sit on my lap if I start to cry - aw cute!!  So, I think the puppy is a great idea!!  Have you thought of any names Kyliejade?

Benbeculagirl - 
On reading your info, I think we have a lot in common.  I have an-ovulatory cycles and absent periods - my hub has lower than average motility.  We had 6 cycles on Clomid before moving onto IVF.  We have never had a BFP in our lives.  Our first IVF BFN was in Dec, we have just completed our 2nd try and got the dreaded BFN on Friday.  Did you have any other tx before IVF?  Our follow-up is on 13th June.  I am working out what the next steps should be.  I don't know if another cycle of IVF would be a good idea without futher investigations, especially given the 6 negative cycles on Clomid as well.  What are your plans?  I have read through Shellebels info on questions to ask, and it has given me a lot of hope that there is more stuff to try.  I am going to see a Chinese Doctor to get some herbal remedies to improve egg quality.  Part of me is thinking that if the ChDoc can bring my periods back and improve egg quality then it may even be worth ttc naturally...

I also have one AB quality frostie.  I don't know whether it's worth giving a FET a try, but with only one snowbaby, I don't know what the chances are.

L
xxx


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## wombat13

Hello everyone, hope you are all enjoying the lovely heatwave...  
Just been sat in my garden with a long cool drink, little birds flitting around me and the sound of someone else mowing the lawn - bliss!   If only I could stay this relaxed actually during treatment!
On that subject, hello kyliejade, I stayed fairly calm with the help of relaxation/meditation exercises, if you've got a smartphone there are several free apps that talk you through them and they really do help chill you out and keep calm - if I put it on when I got into bed it also sent me straight to sleep, no problem, which is a miracle!! ohhhh, I am sooooo jealous of you getting a puppy! Do you know what kind you will get? I love dogs so much and always had them growing up but DH never did, and now he just says "one thing at a time" - but I'm with you, I think it would be the perfect distraction right now and give us something else to focus on apart from the bleedin obvious...! xx

benbecula, you made me laugh out loud with your weight loss boogie!   looks like 7lb is the magic number for a few of us! I've been walking to work all this week, which is four miles there and back, so I think that's enough in this heat! Here is some encouragement for your "commute"   whereabouts do you live that has such a nice route in to work? Hope you had a lovely team-building picnic - sounds like my kind of workplace!  

Nosila, how's that wispa doing?! hope you managed to get to it before it melted away!   thanks for the tips on Bath, I will def be looking for more from you if we do get round to booking something this summer! sometimes I think if we spent half the time we spend planning actually DOING stuff..!   it's annoying isn't it, how the treatment affects every part of you, from your moods to your waistline - here is an encouraging boogie for you too!    

anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend lined up, hello to everyone I haven't mentioned and great big wombat hugs   (even though it's too hot for hugs!) to you all xxx


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## wombat13

Hi Lizziebee, it sounds like you are doing lots of good, positive things to be as informed as possible before your next tx - le us know how you get on with the chinese doc, sounds interesting, and keep your chin up chuck xxx


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## Debbie Dav

Hi Ladies, 

Can I join your thread please. I've recently had a BFN, my OTD was 14th May but my AF came on 11th so I knew then it was the end of the road for me... This was my second cycle of IVF and I found the 2ww much more stressful this time round. Anyway, after lots and lots of talking with my DH we have decided to go for it again, 3rd time lucky. We are self funding and the financial commitment is stressful. I'm watching every penny, I won't even go for coffee with my work colleagues, boring I know. We have booked in for August, so I'm going to have a few months watching what I eat and getting back to my running, was to scared to run during my 2ww, so I have gained a few pounds. I've found this site a great support, I look forward to hearing from everyone.

Deb x


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## wombat13

Hi Deb, so sorry to hear about your BFN... there are no words, just a great big   xxx
Good for you for picking yourself up and deciding to go for it again - third time lucky it is indeed!  
And another person to help us all stay motivated on the fitness too, yay! - at least when it is so hot I don't feel like eating cakes and chocolate (my weakness!). mind you, I don't feel much like running either, oh well....  
welcome anyway, and we are all here to support each other
love wombat xxx


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## Keepitsimple

Hello ladies hope you don't mind me joining, it's great to hear I'm not the only one going through this! Very few people know about us doing IVF which is a blessing today.
I got my BFN this morning, not surprising as AF kicked in with force yesterday (an earlier comment about testing whilst 'bleeding like a stuck pig' made me chuckle as it's exactly the same for me).
This was our first round of IVF and although our PCT funds 3 cycles we only really have time for one more as I hit 40 in September and the funding stops. We wouldn't be able to afford to fund it ourselves.
What really gets me down is how we are basically waiting for absolutely life changing news, news that shapes the rest of our lives, and it's difficult to adjust to thinking 'oh, actually just go back to how you were a couple of months ago.' Oh, and like another lady on here, I get angry when I see stupid irresponsible women churning out kids like there's no tomorrow and dragging them up like they are a nuisance. My other half would be such a great father, yet his brother and sisters fall into this category. It's just not fair.
I haven't rung my clinic yet with my results, so not sure what happens next, but just wanted to share my thoughts today x


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## LizzieBee

Hi Keepitsimple

I'm sorry to hear about your BFN    You are not alone.  I agree, it's so hard just to go back to normal afterwards.  Do the new NICE regulations help?  I heard in the news that they are upping the age to 42...I don't know wheter that will kick-in in time for you.  I have also heard some chatter on here about getting treatment cheaper overseas...

I hope you have some nice plans for the weekend.  We got our BFN lasst Friday and we went away to the New Forest for the weekend.  It was quite theraputic to get out of the house...

It's difficult to know where to draw the line on who to tell about tx.  On the one hand it's easier if friends and family know so that they can support you and also to avoid upsetting comments and akward situations.  On the other hand you don't want everyone to know such personal details when you are still coming to terms with things yourself.

It's so unfair, we would all make great parents.

Lizziebee
xxx


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## wombat13

Hi girls got my op in the morning, can't write much cos I'm on my phone on the way back from parents but please wish me lots of luck and   and fingers crossed for tomorrow 
Love wombat xxx


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## lou/s

hi ladies please may i join this thread recognise some of you from april/may tx thread had first icsi and got bfn on thursday 24th may. funny i just had to look up the date as had forgotten when it was and seems like ages ago already!!! that date otd how could i forget it could of been the day that changed our lives.i guess since thursday i have just beeen trying to resume some sort of normality in my life which has unfortunately meant afew cheeky wines in this beautiful weather 
we have 2 frozen embieswaiting for us have a review appt on 20th of june af arrived day after stopped using pessaries so hoping all shall return to normal and hope to try again soon.
does anyone no would they put 2 back in next time even though i am under the age bracket and nhs?
good luck wombat   xxxx


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Feels like ages since I was last on this thread chatting!! I'm sure it's not as long as I think 

Hello to all the new ladies, look forward to chatting to you all, but I'm so sorry to hear about all the BPNs 

*Wombat*!!!! I'm so sorry I didn't catch you before your op!!! Sending loads and loads of belated good luck wishes    Hope to hear from you soon and that all has gone well xx

Great news that you managed to keep the weight off during tx *Selzi*, what's your secret?!  Did you have your chocolate fix to cheer yourself up? I finally ate my massive Wispa Duo at about 9.15am about a week ago - not a great start to the day really but it did cheer me up no end  So, yes *benbeculagirl*, I did finally succumb to my choccy fix - it was inevitable really 

Oh by the way wombat, I love the sounds of those relaxation apps, might have to look those up - I love my relaxation CDs. I played my all the time during tx and found they really helped. It sounds just blissful sitting in the garden with a cool drink, watching the birds etc, my idea of heaven  'Tis very annoying how tx affects every part of you - it can completely take over! Thanks for the little encouraging boogie, sending you one too 

You are so right *Keepitsimple*, about the contant waiting for life changing news and that in the meantime it's soooo difficult to get back to 'normal' and how you were before you started tx, it's just impossible and I think people who haven't experienced this find that diffcult to understand sometimes. How are you feeling today, did you manage to get hold of your clinic?

*lou/s*, so sorry to hear about your BFN  I'm not sure whether your clinic would agree to putting 2 embies back, my gut feeling would be that as you're under the age bracket that they'd say no, but each clinic is different so it's always worth asking 

Hugs to all  xxx


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## wombat13

Hi girls, just a quick update post-op... seemed to be at the hospital ages but op itself didn't take too long and the surgeon came round at lunctime once i'd woken up and said it went well; they took out the polyp and also two other little lumps they found, so they have been sent off for histology and now we just have to wait for the results.   Still having lots of bleeding and discharge (sorry TMI!) but that was expected... feels yukky though!  
Got a lovely weekend away with DH to look forward to now once I'm back on my feet - still feeling a bit washed out today and kind of blue, but I am glad it is all over!
sorry for lack of personals but I hope you are all OK - Nosilab, I am glad you finally helped that Wispa fulfil its chocolatey destiny   I was so hungry post-op that I probably would have run round and eaten it for you otherwise! try the andrew johnson relaxation app for the iphone (prob on others too!) - i find that by the time he's worked from head to toe, I have drifted right off, and DH comes in exasperated to find it chatting away to itself and me fast asleep!  
loving the group hug too    

love wombat xx


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## Chloe l

Hi ladies, 

Please can I join u?

I got my BFN yesterday still coming to terms with it am heart broken as I'm sure u all are. 

I found being on a thread with a group of people going through the same thing as me last time really helped me to feel less alone & isolated so thought it would help again. 

A bit of background info on me , I have been with my DH for 12 years we are having ivf as my DH was left infertile after his chemo which was to treat a jaw bone tumour he is now well & we have his sperm frozen from before his treatment so we can use that . Just finished our first icsi cycle which resulted in a bfn . 

Clinic say we can try again in 3 months. Is that correct for a fresh cycle? I thought it was 6 months . Also has anyone managed to get funding for 2 cycles? Our first cycle was funded . 

Bye for now 
Chloe x


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## staceyemma

Hi ladies I had my BFN today started bleeding on Sunday so knew it was over.

Not sure what to do next difficult isn't it  

Just wanted to give you all a hug xxx  

Chloe Im sure it is 3 cycles, NHS wont even fund one for us xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Wombat, so pleased the op was over and done with quickly, sounds like it went really well    Hope you have  fantastic time away with your DH.  I will look that app up tonight xxx

Hi Chloe I and staceyemma, so sorry to hear about your BFNs    It is truly heartbreaking  

I'm sure it's quite normal to be able to try another fresh cycle after 3 months, I don't think many have to wait 6 months.  I'm not entitled to 2 cycles in my PCT, just one for me, which has been and gone  

xxx


----------



## rachel petch

I be had to wait 6 months girls!! 
So sorry Staceyemma, it just bloody suck s does nt it!! 
Sending u all big hugs.     xxxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Chloe - Depends on PCT they all vary, I know Leicester PCT is one cycle, some are two, some are three and some sadly do not fund any   Postcode lottery xxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Ladies,  Can't believe I'm posting on this thread, no offence, you're all lovely ladies and i recognise a few of you, but after all the positivity, visualising, praying and... well you know...... may be i was niave to think it would work first time??  Got my bfn on Wed, was told to try again today as i've had no bleed, in fact, i've had no symptoms all way through, but it was still a bfn    Although I assumed it would be and resigned myself to the fact it was game over, i must have felt there was a glimmer of hope as i feel like i did on Wednesday all over again, heartbroken.

We're not giving up though, our treatment is DE ivf and privately paying unfortunately - I don't know how or where we will find the money but we're going straight back on the waiting list.

Staceyemma - we've 'spoken' already = hope your doing okay  

Chloe 1, Lou/s and keepitsimple - so sorry for your bfns -   

Sorry not messaging all individually, reading this thread through blurry eyes, but good luck in all your journeys   

Essie
x


----------



## staceyemma

Rachel yes it does suck   
I think amidst all the scans the preparing the commotion I tried to keep the thought from my mind of it failing because I wanted to be positive fat loada good that did me  
I have follow up on 19th June and as I have to travel 60 miles to the clinic I'm going to look at a few other clinics in the area xxx

Chin up ladies I feel your sadness and pain but I guess we gotta keep on going life doesn't stop does it? I wish it would for a bit. I've learnt a lot through my first journey which makes the bfn less painful. Me and hubby are closer, my family and friends I have are amazingly supportive, I CAN get through a cycle with no major issues, I'm not frightened of needles or egg collection anymore and NEXT time I will be so prepared and in the know I'm ready for whatever it throws at me!!!  

Xxx

Thinking of you all xxx
I know how hard it is it's seems to me that there are pregnant women everywhere I go they are following me!!!! Xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Morning ladies,

Hope your feeling better than me today spent the morning sobbing I feel worse today . 

Thanks for all your kind words, I am leciester pct so just found out it is just the one funded cycle & follow appointment isn't until 13th July. 

Can't get out of bed today just want the pain to stop. 

Hope you are all ok thinking of u all 

Big hugs xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Chloe - i can't drag myself out of bed either, feel desolate, just led here zombie like and    - this feeling is so  

Hope you feel brighter soon  

Essie
x


----------



## Chloe l

Dearest essie, 

Thanks for your message was beginning to think it was just me my DH seems to cope so well , guess it's different for them. 

Noticed your at care I'm also at care there are a great clinic hope the next cycle is our time. 

My little doggie she is a shihtzu has been by my side all day & I'm starting to feel less terrible have given myself a headache from all the tears so going to try to get up & eat something . 

I hope u feel a bit better soon , thinking of u & sending u a hug 

X


----------



## EssieJean

You're definitely not on your own Chloe      And there just aren't any words to describe the pain but i really don't know where i would be without all the lovely ladies on this forum and the support they've given.

As for DHs i think its just their way coping.  My DH was sobbing as much as i was on the morning of the test but now he seems to be powering on through and focusing on our next cycle.. Personally, I don't have the energy for that yet but i know he's just trying to make me feel better and that inside he's just as devastated.  Having said that, they've not had all the body changes, pill-popping and all the other grotty stuff to contend with!

Your doggie sounds adorable! What is his/her name?  We don;t have any pets unfortunately, but i've heard that, dogs in particular, are very sensitive to their owner's feelings and pain, i hope s/he gives  you much comfort  

Take care now and make sure you eat well to keep your strength up  


Essie
x


----------



## Chloe l

Hi Essie, 

Thanks for your lovely message, my doggie is called Mia & yes she does provide me with lots of comfort & love she's very sensitive & always on hand for cuddles. 

Would you like a pet? 

Mia is great cos she gets me out for a walk every day even when I don't feel like it like today , just come back from walking her can't say I feel much better today but normally it does perk me up. 

Hope u can relax tonight I'm looking forward to a hot bubble bath, some wine & lots of chocolate 

Take care
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Chloe - Mia's a lovely name    I would like a pet but DH is more of a cat person and i'd like a dog    I certainly could have done with one today, cat or dog  

I've not been out but a friend from work text me to say she'd called but i wasnt in - i had to run out in my pj's to call her back    Didnt think i was up to company or getting out of bed but it was good for me -plus she brought a bottle of wine with her   so it was worth me showing myself up in the street  

I'm the same it seems ages since i had a nice hot bath (and a bottle of wine), although i think i'll fall asleep in it tonight - i'm exhausted!

Enjoy a relaxing night Chloe, hope you feel bit brighter tomorrow  

Essie 
x


----------



## Nosilab

Chloe and EssieJean - I just wanted to send you both great big     Reading your posts just brings me right back to December/January time for me, and all the tears I cried over my BFN, and the staying in bed giving myself a headache from all the crying wondering how I was going to get through etc    xx

Hope everyone manages to have a lovely relaxing long weekend xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Nosilab, thank you so much for your post, it truly is a heartbreaking time.  I'm glad to see you've made a decision to go with DE, it may be a long wait initially but then you get a call right out of the blue and its all systems go  

Wishing you all the best
     

Essie
x


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you Essie  

You're right, it is a truly devastating and heartbreaking time.  I've never experienced anything like it, not for such a prolonged time anyway.

xx


----------



## Chloe l

Nosilab said:


> Thank you Essie  xx


Dear essie, 
Thank you for your messages today you have helped me to feel less alone on a very dark day , thank you.

My DH was not into us getting a pet & it took me many years to convince him but when he finally gave in & we brought her home as a puppy he has fallen in love with her I never imagined he would bond so well with a dog but he did. 
Hope u enjoyed your wine & some time with your friend , I hope each day we wake up the pain fades a little bit .

Nosilab - thanks for your message , wishing you that phone call comes soon for you & I'm sorry to hear about your bfn in dec/jan xx

Night ladies 
X


----------



## Chloe l

Oopppss on my phone & pressed the insert quote button my accident sorry x


----------



## Nosilab

Thanks Chloe, will keep you posted  

Night, and speak soon x


----------



## Chops5

Hi all,
I've had a really bad few days. Was my birthday couple of days ago, and received yet another pregnancy announcement. I'm so tired of this crap. I've cried and cried, and also shouted and ranted. Such ashame as I was doing so well x


----------



## Chloe l

Chops5 - hello I am so sorry to hear your struggling , it's really hard when people around you seem to be having children so easily . My friends & brothers are all at that age where they are having babies & it feels so unfair why not us. It will be our time though we just have to be extra patient & when our babies arrive we will love them even more & they will be very special to us because we have had to work so hard for them. 

I'm struggling too just trying to get through each day a day at a time , it's still very raw. 

Big hug 
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies - hope you are all doing okay today  

Chloe - Thank you for your message.  You helped me just as much, just to have someone who understands helps a great deal.  I hope Mia is still keeping a watchful eye on you  

Nosilab - hope you are well.  Please keep us posted.

Chops5 - I'm sorry to hear you've been having a bad time.  It feels like the powers that be are literallly throwing pregnancies and babies in our faces doesnt it.  Its a grieving process - some days you feel fine and then others like a bus has just hit you, but it will get better.  Take care of yourself  

AFM -  Today I'm up and down, one minute i'm laughing at DH's 'not so funny' jokes, the next i'm sobbing   (perhaps its just the jokes   ) - i just wish my swollen tummy would go now - its a constant reminder that there is nothing there every time i wake up.  DH has just run me a hot bath so i'm gonna languish in that until i'm all crinkley, then come down, drink wine, eat chocolates and watch a chickflick (to DH's disdain)  

Take care everyone,  Remember, even though it doesnt feel it right now, each day is a day further away from the pain and a day nearer to your dream  

Essie
x


----------



## Chloe l

Ah that's nice essie, 
Hope you enjoy your evening . DH and I are ordering a Chinesse takeaway to have infront of the telly . Feeling less tearful today I find the mornings the hardest time of the day it's almost like when I wake up I remember & grieve all over again that it didn't work . 

Hoping each morning will get a little easier 

Love to u all
Chloe x


----------



## staceyemma

I agree with you Chloe for those few moments when you wake up you forget about it all xxx 
Chops5, nosilab, Essie  

Hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Staceyemma- hugs to you  xxx

Well woke up to the rain today think the weather matches my mood but wish the sunshine would come back .

Hope your all ok an hour to go then the morning is over ! I have cried all morning but I have made a vow to be positive for the afternoon & to try not to be upset . 

Love to u all x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Chops5, I know the feeling and it's horrible. You do so well for a good few days (even weeks sometimes!) and then _*bang*_!! Another announcement and you're back to square one - it's so upsetting and frustrating when you've just got used to feeling 'ok' again and getting on with with things. Sending you some big 

Essie, hope you enjoyed that long bath and then some lovely wine and chocolate  Glad to hear your DH is looking after you, even if that does involve some 'not so funny' jokes!  Hope you've been a little less tearful today 

Chloe, hope you enjoyed your takeaway and spoilt yourself a little bit  Hope you've manage to stay a bit more positive this afternoon, the weather doesn't help does it! 

 Staceyemma, hope you're doing ok today?

Wombat, long time no speak?! Hope you're ok, and that you're recovering well from your op? I'm missing all the choccy/cake chat and Wombat hugs!  Seriously though, hope you're doing ok 

Afm - can't remember if I said, but I've arranged to meet my 'pregnant' best friend next Saturday. I've known her all my life and this is the first time in 35 years that I'm anxious about meeting her! If I could just run away and hide and pretend it hasn't happened then I would, but I know that's not a realistic solution - I have to come face to face with her at some point. We've agreed to meet half way on 'neutral' ground (we live 2 hours apart) so that if it gets too much for me I can say I need to leave. There will I'm sure be tears from both of us, but guess we just need to get this meet up over and done with 

On a positive note, still 2 more days off work!!! Yippee 

Love and hugs to all


----------



## staceyemma

Im not too bad Nosilab thanks xxx Had a bit of a cry today just remembering it all..

Need an action plan...
xxxx

Love to you all xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Sending you some more hugs Staceyemma    It will take time, you definitely need time to cry and grieve.  It won't ever go away but it will get easier I promise.  Just take care and be kind to yourself, then you can think about your action plan   xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Good morning everyone -

Chloe and Staceyemma - hope you're feeling a little better today,  to you both

Nosilab - I really feel for you. It can't be easy having to meet your friend and i think your a wonderful strong person 

AFM - my parents *insisted* on taking us both out for a meal yesterday. TBH i barely have the will to get out of bed but we went. When we arrived there were banners and balloons everywhere, the venue were celebrating the arrival of a baby boy! Everywhere i looked there were babies. I used the appropriate facial expressions even though i was crying inside 

Today i'm going to try and keep myself busy. Hope everyone has got something nice planned for today and enjoy the 

Essie x


----------



## staceyemma

Essiejean I'm sure that was hard work yesterday   xxx big hugs to you xxx
Thanks nosilab xxx it means so much you all care
Hi Chloe and chops xx hope you are coping ok as you can be xxx


----------



## lou/s

Hi ladies hope your all
Managing to survive this bankholiday weekend   
Nosilab I no exactly how you feel with your friend bring pregnant my best friend is also pregnant due on 18th July I and she say all the right thinks but deep down its kind of awkward for both of us ! I must arrange to meet her soon but it's do hard I have had to decline the invitation to her baby shower just can't do it to myself she says she totally understands!! But she doesn't no one does unless like all of us have been through it. 

Essie I no how hard it is to try and go out and get on with things it seems everyone around you are either pregnant or have babies!! 
I had a. Bad day yesterday fell out with my dh he doesn't understand either I am very up and down and not myself at all. 

Back to work again tomorrow then counting down the days till my follow up appointment with consultant in 20th June I no you can do anything to soon after a failed cycle however I think it's really bad you have to wait so long to see them but I guess that is nhs 

I have been looking into private at care notts currently at Leicester the % of success for a fet is so low makes ne wander if we should look at starting a fresh cycle at care? 

Luckily my mum has put some money by for us for this to be an option but then would I be abandoning my frozen embies? 

 to all


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lou/s,  I agree its such a long wait to see the Consultant. we're private with Care in Manchester and our appointment is 25th June - I thought with paying private we'd be seen a lot quicker, but nah - we have so many questions and until we see the consultant its like i can't properly move forward.

I hope after you've seen your consultant it'll become a lot clearer as to which path you wish to go down   

We're currently trying to think up ways to raise some cash.  We're back on the waiting list but have no idea where we'll find it  

I've got rest of the week off but thinking of going in thurs and fri to 'ease' myself in.  I work in law and deal with children care proceedings- absolutely dreading going back, not sure how i'll cope.

Chloe, staceyemma, Nosilab and Chops5 - hope you're all okay  

Essie x


----------



## Chops5

We've had to wait six weeks for our failed cycle follow up (NHS). Doesn't help you get closure and it's the only bit of the care that we've received that I'm not happy with (apart from waiting with a load of pregnant ladies before my ERPC admission)


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Essie, not sure I'm a strong person, I wish I was.  I feel like I've been 'pushed' into this meet up if I'm honest!  People (inc. my pregnant friend) think we just need to meet up and 'get it over and done with' and then it'll all be ok - I'm not so sure!  Thanks for your lovely comment though    Oh my goodness, I can't imagine how difficult your meal out was!  Your parents heart was in the right place, but oh my.....that was the last thing you needed re the new baby celebration!!    Hope you managed to keep yourself busy yesterday as planned, did you do something nice?  Sadly not much sunshine down here, just lots and lots of rain!  Never mind, at least it was 4 days away from work xx

Lou/s, it's really hard with pregnant friends isn't it, this meet up is going to be a really tough one for me!  My friend is the same, she wants to say and do all the right things but really she doesn't understand, she never could   xx

Hugs to all


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Nosilab, I really feel for you, quite a few of my friends and cousins have recently had their new arrivals.  On my 2ww they came to visit which was fine as i was still in my pupo bubble, but now, even though they text i feel like they're keeping a distance., which i can understand as it is difficult for both of us.  

I sincerely hope some good and peace of mind comes out of your meeting.  No-one who hasnt been through any kind of ivf can fully understand what we go through, mentally and physically, but your friend seems to have acknowledged the situation at least which i think is a good sign that she wants to try and empathise with you and hold on to your friendship.

AFM i kept myself busy yesterday, visiting DIY shops and nurseries (the gardening kind!).  I think i burnt myself out though as ive done nothing but cry today.  I just couldnt stop myself, it was like someone had ripped my heart out.  I had to cancel my parents coming round for jubilee as there was no way i could put up a pretence and entertain.  Ive just cried and cried with poor DH not knowing what to do with me  

I blame my state of mind for the above ramblings  
Essie x


----------



## staceyemma

good morning all  
I hope you are all ok xxx
Its tough being around little ones at this time isn't it ? I had all 4 nephews of mine over yesterday   xxx
Thinking of u all and wishing u all strength xxxx


----------



## Blondebimbette

Hello all...

Haven't been on here for ages but just thought I would put on a short post to say hi and haven't forgotten anyone. Hope everyone is doing well and if not I know how you are feeling. 
Had a rubbish last month or so with one thing or another and liefs been quite tough which is why I haven't been on.

wanted to send some love to you all thou and catch up with how everyone is doing.

Blondie xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Essie, yes I'm really _really _ hoping that the meet up does bring some peace of mind and won't be as bad as I'm anticipating  But yes, you're right, my friend is trying to empathise and do and say the right things, so I have to be grateful for that, but it's just so hard when I know deep down she will never understand - I know it's me that got to get my head around this, I'm the one causing the difficulties at the mo, I need to give myself a good shake and tell myself it'll all be ok  You poor thing, I just want to give you a big hug  , what a really horrible time you're having. I expect all your keeping busy did burn you out a bit, and if it was anything like my visit to the DIY stores then they were full of little children on half term hols with their parents - which is just another reminder of what we don't have. So no wonder you're feeling a bit fragile, so I think it was very sensible to cancel the Jubilee meet up and just look after yourself. It's so hard to know what to say, as I've been in the same situation so many times with my DH not knowing what to do with me because I'm in floods of tears - there isn't anything he can say to make it better but we ususally just end up having a cuddle on the sofa and watching TV together (whilst I'm still crying!) and even though that doesn't take away the pain, it does help to soften it and reminds me that my DH loves me no matter what. Btw, you're not rambling, you're just getting it all off your chest by talking to people who really understand how you're feeling 

 to you too Staceyemma, hope you're doing ok?

Hi Blondebimbette, so sorry to hear you've had a rubbish couple of months  Hope things are settling down a bit for you now and good to see you back on here 

Big hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi everyone,

Well, what a disastrous day.  First day back at work, well only went in in the afternoon, had originally booked week off but thought easing myself in rather than throwing myself into a full week would be best.  I promised myself I wouldnt cry, what was the first thing i did, burst into tears!  And then the precedent was set for the rest of the afternoon.  As if going back wasnt enough, someone announced they were expecting, again!!  Does anyone else feel that the powers that be are saving every newborn baby and every pregnancy just to throw them all in your face??!

Going back in tomorrow morning, i suppose i've got the worse day behind me now  

Sorry for rant, just feel utterly rubbish today.

How is everyone?

Chloe, not heard from you for a while - hope you're okay  

Staceyemma - how are you hun? Thinking of you.

Nosilab - How have you been today?  Thank you for yesterday's message   -it helps knowing there are ladies out there who really understand, though I wouldnt wish this on anyone 

Chops5 and Lou/s, hope you're both doing ok

Hi Blondebimbette, sorry to hear you've been suffering, hope your okay and this month things start to get better for you

  to everyone

Essie x


----------



## staceyemma

Oh Essie hun sounds like u've had a rough day   
xx big hugs to you xxx

I feel exactly the same there are constant reminders everywherre
I've been erratically looking at other clinics even abroad they look really nice and are cheaper or same price- Im thinking of IVF in the sun next time!!! and not telling friends or family....   not sure Im dealin with it too welll xx need to do something


----------



## EssieJean

Aw i'm sorry too that your struggling with it all Staceyemma - its such a bag of  , I really feel for everyone having to go through all this. Its just not fair.

It's good that you're doing something practical.  I'm currently thinking of a project to fill the void but havent had any success yet.  Have you found any abroad that you might consider? I know there's quite a lot of women on the forum that have opted for abroad, looking at the weather at the mo, i don't blame them!  We've put our name down at Care again, but now i'm wondering whether i was too hasty, but i've paid so can't really do anything about it now    The clinic itself was fine and the staff lovely, I can't really blame them for our result but DH says he'll be a lot more persistent next time round and ask more questions.

I too won't be telling anyone next time - the pressure is just too much and having experienced a neg and having to reiterate why we havent been successful, i just can't put myself through it.

I sincerely hope you find the path that is right for you and I'll be reading your success story in the not too distant future  

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Dear All, 

Sorry I've not posted for a few days been really low but I know I will get there I think the trouble is I used all my energy helping my DH recover from cancer & now the IVF hasn't worked I'm running on empty I feel like I have no reserves left which I know sounds silly I should never have thought it would work first time but in my heart I did so it's been a shock & it's a financial strain too trying to find the money for another cycle i havent worked full time since before my DH illness & have in the meantime had a change of career & have been doing small projects to get by , I think someone mentioned on 
here about 0% credit cards & I think that is what we will do. It's just another thing to worry about . I'm sorry I know we are all in the same boat. 

I can sympathise with your stories of friends with babies they seem to be everywhere my best friend got pg naturally (the first time they tried) she helpfully told me & if my tx had worked we would have been PG together although we live far apart I already feel like it's put a strain on our friendship like there is an akwardness about it. So I think your all coping really well meeting up with friends babies , I found it hard enough to cuddle my 10 month old baby nephew the other week who were over visiting from Ireland I kept crying every time I held him. Oh dear ! 

Essie , well done on completing your first day back I think you did really well even going in , sounds like your job is very demanding too , was a good idea to ease yourself back in you will feel better fri night now knowing you have done that. 
I worked from home today & that was hard enough was my first day on my own as DH went back to work so glad today is over & he's back home 

Love to u all
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Aw dear dear Chloe - my heart goes out to you, you certainly have been through it.  You must take care of yourself.  You're not on your own in thinking it would work first time.  I did too, it didnt enter my head that it wouldn't and i was hard on myself for being so niaive but there are success stories where it has worked first time, so we're not silly at all  

We're in the same position as you financially.  We've re-registered on the waiting list which was £450 (credit card) with no idea whatsoever how we're going to find the money    Our credit cards are up to the hilt and i claimed PPIs to help us with the last cycle.  Do you have any PPIs that you could claim?  I've been through all my loans and now going through credit cards and store cards to see if i can claim anything - worth a try.  I'm also thinking of doing a carboot and/or selling (heaven knows what) on eBay, though never done it before(!)

I'm still waiting for my DH to come home - he's still working.  After today, i really need some cuddles.

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Thanks Essie, 

Your always on hand to make me feel better, you will make a great mother ! 

I had thought about doing a carboot sale too it all helps doesn't it. 

Hope DH comes home soon to give you a big hug he must be so proud of you for going in today , you deserve a treat tonight. 

Take care & speak soon
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Ah thanks Chloe, we all will make great mothers one day  

Every little helps as they say.  Whatever it takes, we'll get there  

Essie
x


----------



## Chloe l

Morning everyone, 
Hope your all ok and are looking forward to the weekend anyone doing anything nice? 
Afm- well another day to get through on my own ( except of course I have the pooch Mia ) to keep me company , i burst into tears when DH went out the door this morning seems I'm not very good at being on my own at the mo. Going to keep busy today . 

Hope your all ok
Chloe 
X


----------



## EssieJean

Morning Chloe, sat at my desk at work - as you can tell I've no motivation to start yet.  I'm just staring at the screen.  I finish at 12.30 so its not too bad.  Going to spend the afternoon keeping busy like you, ironing, cleaning - well that's the plan, more than likely i'll just slump onto the sofa as per.

Nothing much planned.  Thought i'd take my mum out for lunch on Saturday but that's all i'm up to at mo.  DH said we'd have a run out in the countryside Sunday which will be nice (if the sun comes out!).

Essie x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Ladies, 

Its been a while since I've posted on here. I recognise several ladies from the 2ww and i'm sad to see you on this thread. It seems like so long ago since my 2ww and bfn (14th May), but at last I'm starting to feel 'Normal' again. Like so many of you my dh and I are self funding and having to pull in resources credit card etc.... to pay for treatment. We have cut a few corners, for example GP has agreed to fund all drugs for our next cycle, so worth an ask and we are not paying for face to face debrief, instead we had thorough debrief on the telephone which we didnt get charged for. We have booked in for August for cycle number 3 and I think this will be our last time, we've also negotiated with the clinic not to have another planning meeting, just going to get on with it. Thinking of you all and sending positive thoughts.

Take care everyone

Deb x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Debbie Dav - I'm sorry to hear of your bfn, but happy that you're starting to feel normal again - its such a slow and painful process.  Our bfn was 30th May and still not there yet, having good and bad days.  Thank you for the good tips - we'll certainly try those next time    We're back on the waiting list, they say about 4-5 months wait, so hoping around October - it just seems so far away but at least we have more time to work the finances  

   and   to everyone

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Hello deb, 
I'm sorry about your BFN you sound very organised & I'm glad to hear you are starting to feel ok it's good to hear the pain fades. 

Thank you for all your tips re financing will def look into those thank you for sharing your tips ! 

Essie - hello to you hope u had an ok weekend I still have good & bad days yesterday was a bad day pj day today has been much better & even got out & about for a day trip with DH 

Thinking of u all 
Chloe xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Chloe - I'm okay(ish), good days and bad days like yourself.  Today begun as a bad day but turned out quite nice.  If it wasnt for DH i'd stay in bed all day everyday i think.  Today was looking like a duvet day but DH got me up and dressed and took me out into the countryside which was lovely.  Not looking forward to work tomorrow but i must get back into the land of the living.  

Hope your days continue to get easier  

   to everyone

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Thanks Essie,

Hope your Monday goes ok thinking of u , I have begun to dread Mondays probably cos I work from home at the mo & I find it hard being on my own , as hard as being in the real world can be sometimes I think being surrounded by people would help I don't know maybe it would be just as hard I don't know. 

I'm so focused on the next cycle but I'm afraid if it doesn't work where will that leave me? I feel much more worried going into the next cycle last time I was just in ignorant bliss . 

X


----------



## smurfy123

Hi there! 

Please could I join this thread? Have been reading through some posts and u all seem so supportive of each other. Recognise a couple of u from April/May thread too.  

AFM - this was our first icsi attempt following long time on NHS waiting list. Had 11 eggs collected, 6 fertilised then 1 little bean put back inside on 15th May with no other embies suitable for freezing  

Had slight spotting followed by a bfp on test day 26th May but sadly our little angel went away as started to bleed 2 days later    Am so glad that myself and DH were away on holiday when it happened with total strangers as couldn't have coped being with people we knew or being in work. did nothing for a few days but cry. Feel bit better now but still keep having ups and downs. This whole process is such a rollercoaster ride.

Have kept turning down invitations for nights out with friends and family too as neither of us could.bear the questions or being round children much at the moment. Feel really guilty for doing that but didn't want to come across as the misery guts in the corner or burst into tears on anyone! 

Rang our clinic on Friday when we got back from holiday and they are booking us in for a follow up appointment with looking to start a new cycle in 3-4 months time.

Concentrating on getting myself fit for next time round now as did absolutely nothing whilst cycling this time. 

Thanks for hearing my long ramble!

   to u all!


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning Smurfy,

Lovely to have you join us. 

So sorry to hear your cycle was unsuccessful it really hurts doesn't it?  Like you it was my first cycle had icsi & I'm hoping to try again asap I think I have to wait 3 months so we can help keep each other sane till our next cycle begins & who knows we may even cycle together . 

Chloe x


----------



## purplepeak

Hello, Thanks for sending me the link to this Chloe, and hello to all the other ladies. Well, I'm just at the end of second negative ICSI cycle, and trying to decide where to go from here - looking into clinics, treatments etc - but frankly it's all got a bit much so I am going away with dh for a few days, then will be back on ff to catch up with people after that. 
Chloe, I know what you mean about working at home - I don't think it's done me any favours either. It's harder to hold it together when there's no-one else to see. I hope you're managing    
Take care everyone,
PX


----------



## Chloe l

Dearest purplepeak, 

Time away with DH sounds like a great plan , take care of each other & looking forward to catching up with you when you get back 

X


----------



## wombat13

Hello everyone, happy (soggy!) Monday... got back from hols at weekend and since then have done nothing but get soaked!  
Hope you are all OK. 

Hi Nosilab - sorry I have been incommunicado for such an age! Had a lovely break with DH, which was much needed from both a physical and definitely mental point of view!   I hope you are continuing to bear up well, chocolate or no chocolate, and that your difficult meet-up with your friend went well. Always a friendly ear and a wombat hug here if you want to talk about it, and if not, have this anyway   as I am sure it must have been very tough in places xxx

Hi smurfy, so sorry to see you on here, I recognise you from some other threads. They all seem so long ago now. Hope you are managing to stay strong and hve positive plans for the future. This whole journey is so gruelling; we are all amazing for getting through it at all with (most of our) sanity intact! A huge hug for you too missus   xxx

AFM - waiting to hear the result from my op (please keep everything crossed for us!) and then, all being well, I will be heading back to try again. I just really hope with all my heart that this is our time.  

A big helloooo and a wombat hug to everyone on here  
love wombat xxx


----------



## Dizzybee

Hi . Iam new on here . I have had 1st cycle of IVF in April/May 12 which ended in a BFN   . Just waiting for Thursday when we have are follow up appointment . Not sure what to do or what consultant is going to say . I have a high FSH & a low AMH . My DH has no problems . Hopeful we can have a 2nd cycle   .

 to all 

Dizzybee


----------



## smurfy123

Thanks Chloe!  

Dizzybee - hope u get some positive news at appt on Thursday.   

Wombat - have missed your cheery posts and wombat hugs!  Hope u get good news after ur op.  
Purplepeak - sorry to hear u have had bad time. Sounds like a good idea to go away for a break with DH. Try and relax and take time for each other.  This whole process is so difficult isn't it.


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning you wonderful ladies, 
How is everyone feeling today?

Wombat - hello nice to meet you love the name ! Where did u go for your holiday with DH? Glad to hear you had a good time. What operation have u had ? Hope all ok. I have everything crossed for you.  

Dizzybee- welcome so so sorry about your BFN hope your appointment goes ok with consultant goodluck  

Smurfy - hello to you hope your doing ok big hug  

Essie - how was your first Monday back to work ? Hope u survived ok thinking of u x

Afm - today is my wedding anniversary so going out for dinner tonight with DH & celebrating what we have together & am going to try to be more positive & think positively about the future well that's the plan anyway inside I'm still hurting x

Hope you all have a good day, 

Chloe x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi to all the lovely ladies on here!  

Hi Wombat! So pleased to see you back, your posts and hugs have been missed    Sounds like you had a fab time away with DH and a MUCH needed break from it all.  I'm doing ok thank you.  Have to go for a blood test on Thursday morning, this will be my first one since my BFN so from an (almost!) ex-needle phobics point of view it'll be interesting to see how I cope with having the needle this time around!  I know this sounds crazy but this will be the first time I've gone on my own, I usually take DH or a friend, but there isn't anyone free to come with me this time    As least I know the nurse and she knows me (and my dislike of needles!) and she's always really lovely and understanding with me....so fingers crossed.

Hi Dizzybee, Smurfy123 and Purplepeak, so sorry to hear about your BFNs, it really is a difficult time and everyone on here will most definitely understand how you're feeling, and we'll all be here to support you and give out some virtual hugs  

Hi Essie and Chloe - how are you both feeling?  Essie, I can't believe you went back to work to yet another pregnancy announcement!!!!    Wanted to send you some big  

Hi to Staceyemma, Debbie Dav and anyone else I've forgotten or who is reading for the first time, hope you're all doing ok?

AFM - the meet up with my friend went ok, I guess.  She seemed happy enough that we'd met but I was just a little bit on edge the whole time, and feeling a bit awkward and false.  We didn't take about her pregnancy really - I didn't want to and I think she guessed that!  We had a lovely day shopping but I was just always aware of what she was/wasn't eating or drinking, how tired she was or how many times she needed the loo etc!!  Even though we didn't talk about her pregnancy it was alway on my mind - my eyes kept being drawn to her tummy!!    All I can say is that I was glad to be on my way home with my lovely DH - back to the land of denial!!

xx


----------



## Nosilab

PS:  Sending lots of luck to you Wombat for your op results, will have everything crossed for a good outcome so that this can be your time    

Happy anniversary Chloe!  Hope you have a really lovely time with your DH this eve, and that it helps to distract your mind for a few hours.  Every little bit of positivity that you have helps, and with each day hopefully those positive moments will last a bit longer  

xx


----------



## Chloe l

Morning Nosilab, 
 you always sound so positive I shall have to take some lessons from you . I think you were very brave meeting up with your friend I hope she realises how hard it was for you & I hope each time you meet now it will get a little easier , i find my friends don't really understand what it's like going through ivf & the feeling of disappointment is so huge. That's why I turn to you all because I know u truely do get it ! So thank you, I guess it's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through it. 


X


----------



## EssieJean

Hello Lovely Ladies   

Hi Smurfy123, Purplepeak, Wombat13, Dizzybee - really sorry to see you on this thread but I hope you find comfort here (and a few giggles) - everyone's been so supportive and understanding, its been a lifeline for me  

Chloe -     - have a lovely night tonight and make sure you stuff your face with all the 'naughty' foods we weren't allowed to have    It's DH birthday today so we're also going for a meal    Works been okay(ish), apart from the pregnancy talk    Anyway, i'm milking the sympathy vote at mo and took this afternoon off - we went to the seaside for some fresh air and a bag of chips on the prom - class!  

Nosilab - I'm so glad you've got the meeting behind you and you had a nice day shopping.  It couldnt have been easy, but now you've got it out of the way you can now begin to concentrate on your wellbeing instead of fretting about the meet    I know how hard it is, having had a colleague announce her (2nd) pregnancy. Of course, i'm happy for her but can't help feeling envious and want to shout "WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEE!!"  Like i said before i feel like Mother Nature has been saving them all up just so she can throw them in my face   Heyho - it will be our turn soon    

DebbieDav and Staceyemma - hope you ladies are well.

  to everyone. Have a nice evening  

Essie x


----------



## Hardcastle75

Hey Ladies !.


Can I join too? Thanks Chloe for the link. 

I had my first IVF treatment recently, felt incredibly confident and positive  like you must be. But unfortunately AF arrived two days ago  Like you Chloe I had ignorant bliss thinking everything was going fine and then wham ! tommorrow was OTD day which makes me sad. DH has been awesome and cant wait for us to start next time. I guess I feel so nervous as I knew after 6 days that Af was on the way. I know that people say that the symtoms are pretty much the same but  I know my body so well !

Anyway I have follow up appointment on 2nd of July. Have lots of questions to ask so am looking forward to that. 

Would love to get to know everyone and will be great to get to know you all.

Lisa

XX


----------



## set55

hi ladies
may i join u?

i had my 2nd BFN icsi cycle in april.  Everything went well 2nd time around better than the first but i bled at the same time as first and knew it was all over.  I'm off to gp tomorrow to hopefully arrange level 1 tests to see if this throws up any answers but after my review app am prob not gonna do level 2 tests (chicgao tests) as its a very grey area.  Everything points to egg no and quality issues with me so gonna give it one more go with my eggs in sept/oct before considering DE. 

ta ra
set55


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Ladies, 

Hope you are all well  I was just starting to feel normal again but had a huge knock back today. The hospital suggested I have my AMH and FSH bloods re-done and although my FSH has come back within normal range, my AMH has come back at 4. I've gone into complete meltdown as the clinic told me that my chances of IVF working are now less than 5%. In my job I work with parents who can't look after their children, it just seems so unfair. My dh and I don't know whether to go through with it again or put all this behind us and get on with life. All I want is one healthy baby, not so much to ask..... Sorry ladies, bad day today, rant over,

This site just seems like a safe and supportive place to vent your feelings, as we all share the same pain. 

Sending positive thoughts to all of you.

Deb x


----------



## staceyemma

Welcome Hardcastle, Set55 and Debbie.  

Debbie many women on here have had babies with AMH less than 4. Hope your blood tests come back with something useful xxx

HI Essie, Chloe. Nosilab, Dizzy, Smurf, Purplepeak       
All in all not a bad day no sign of ovulation yet for me CD16 today its 2 days late... guess its all the drugs in my body still  


xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Hardcastle75 and Set55 - So very sorry for your bfns ladies - its certainly a painful rollercoaster but hopefully you'll find comfort and support on this thread.  Hardcastle- I hope you get the answers you're looking for on the 2nd July.  Mines on the 25th June - I'm hoping we will get closure once we get answers and able to focus on our next path.  Set55 - good luck at the GP tomorrow - hope you come away with a clearer mind as to what to do next.

Debbie Dav - lovely to hear from you but sorry to hear you're struggling today.  Don't ever apologise for ranting, we've all done it (and need it)  It makes you feel so much better doesnt it, to get it off your chest    Has the clinic suggested DE?  I don't know how you feel about that, but that is what I and DH are doing as its our only chance.  I also work in child sensitive cases and its been so upsetting getting back to work.  You're right, it does feel so unfair and i feel like screaming most of the time, but i politely smile and say "I'm okay" when colleagues ask how i am.  Whatever you decide, i hope it brings you both peace and happiness. 

Hi Staceyemma - lovely to hear from you, glad your doing okay.  

AFM - Just got back from the pub - i should say country pub which is what it is and sounds much more civil   Had a lovely meal (steak) and two glasses of wine., which is quite enough since i havent drunk for about 8 months  

Nighty night everyone - hope tomorrow is a good day for everyone  

Essie x


----------



## smurfy123

Chloe - happy anniversary! 

Set55 - I've just joined this thread too. Everyone is lovely and really supportive - made me realise I'm not alone and isolated in way I've been feeling. 

Debbie -     to u! Stay positive and a 5% chance is still a chance. Sending lots of     vibes your way! 

Staceyemma - the drugs definitely mess with body and mind don't they.  My clinic said they can take a while getting out of system - may be worth ringing them if u r worried? 

Essiejean - hope u enjoyed wine drinking and aren't too intoxicated! I think I'd feel drunk from alcohol fumes alone after not drinking at all for so long.

AFM - first day back in work today. Went ok but had a few tearful moments when people asked how holiday went and how I was    
DH went back in yesterday and he just keeps feeling    Its hard on him too as he works with 
young children.

Why does there seem to be so much pregnancy and baby talk around everywhere too? 

Got text from one of my friends earlier too to see about getting together.  Feel really guilty as avoided seeing most of our circle of friends whilst cycling as didn't want any questions.  My friends are great but all have young families and I struggle when they say things like its ok for you two going on holiday and going out all the time and that u can't do that with children - makes me feel like saying we'd much rather be not going out and having a baby as that's all we want out of life.

Oh well - sorry for my long rant about myself. Been feeling emotional today - hopefully will feel better tomorrow.  On a positive note we did get letter confirming our follow up appointment is on 19th July so will get myself ready to ask lots of questions for that.  Do any of u have tips on questions to ask at follow up?

Night to you all and      to everyone!


----------



## set55

hi ladies

Been to gp today to get level one tests but came away annoyed.  she said she could do some of them but wasn't sure about all of them and would have to check.  Some nonsense about some of them are consultant level tests so she could not request them!!! So why does all my info tell me that gp's will get these tests done for u on the nhs?  So have to wait and see once she has "checked"  
So frustrated i've waited 6 weeks for the first available gp app only to be told this.  I think their just trying to save money - thanks lincolnshire nhs.

Anyway rant over am in middle of making lemon cupcakes and my dinger had just dinged
laters
set55


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## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies  

Set55 - I'm not surprised your annoyed - don't they realise that time is of the essence in matters of this kind    It really infuriates me that they have this lacsidaiscal attitude to something that's so important!  I must say though Set55 the lemon cupcakes sound delish  

I'm also in "rant mode" - just got home from another "baby centred" day at work!  Babies being wheeled in their prams next to my desk while everyone ahhhed and coooed, baby scans being passed around and endless baby talk arrrghhh, you'd think i worked in a creche wouldnt you??!    

There, rant over - i feel so much better  

Thanks for listening  

Hope everyone okay today  

Essie x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Essie, 

My clinic have never suggested DE, but following your message I've contacted them today and asked for a call back. I hope you don't mind me asking, but what are the costs involved with DE IVF. I'm with Exeter but they don't have the costs of DE printed on the website. Like you my office is full of pregnant ladies and on top of that my family arrived on Monday and my cousin announced shes pregnant, I am happy for her but can't help feeling jealous, but I know it's wrong to feel like that. People have no idea how we feel unless they have gone through it. I'm really lucky because I have a friend who went through 10 IVF cycles before getting pregnant and having a healthy daughter, but they re-mortgaged their house twice. Its bloody unfair that money should be a factor for us. 

Hope everyone else has had a good day and are staying positive. 

xxx


----------



## wombat13

Hi Everyone, happy sunny wednesday! now that's more like it! 

Essie, I was nodding along in recognition at your "rant" post - my colleague's sister has just had a baby (she's 19, totally unplanned, imagine my joy) - and today at work it was paraded around at length... makes me feel such a bitter, evil cow but I literally can't control emotions when faced with other people's babies - I had to go and hide in the toilets for about 20mins until she had moved on! plus my workmate then started to tell me in detail about how she went to see that film "what to expect when you're expecting", and how one of the couples couldn't _have_ children, and could I imagine how _awful_ that must be, on and on and on... So a big sympathy hug from me  - set55, could you send us a lemon cupcake or two please, I think that might help heal the bruises!! 

Nosilab - (still thinking puppies and bonnets! ) hope you get on OK with the scary needles tomorrow! if I was a bit closer I would come over and hold your hand! I am sure you will be very brave and at least you have a nice nurse taking care of you - not the stabby psycho i got last time; my poor arm was absolutely black for about two weeks!! I will be thinking of you hon and sending you a virtual wombat hug!   Do you mind me asking, what happens now for you with the donor eggs? it is not something I know anything about - like all of these situations we now find ourselves in, you know nothing about it until, sadly, you have to get acquainted with it... don't worry if you don't want to talk about it, I'm just curious (wombats=nosey!)  thanks for all the luck and good thoughts for my result xxx

Smurfy - hope you are managing to cope at work and things are getting easier for you. I have totally become a hermit since starting treatment; I'm sure my friends will forget what I look like soon!  but socialising is the last thing I feel like right now, it's so full of pitfalls! it's strange isn't it, we get so much comfort and support from this site, yet the people who surround us can't help at all - don't know about you, but I just think this is so personal and private - and heartbreaking! - and I would hate to have all our friends thinking "poor things" and pitying us. I've got two good friends who have been amazing, but they don't live near, and apart from that, no-one knows and i think I'd rather keep it that way xx

Chloe -  glad you like my name!  wombats are my favourite animals and I lived in Oz for a while, plus DH says I'm little and cute with a woffly nose, so...!  looks like our wedding anniversaries are pretty close together, mine was last thursday, I always wanted to be a June bride  I hope you and your DH managed to have a lovely romantic evening to celebrate and had lots of wine! x
The op I had, well, when I got to EC they suddenly discovered a large polyp and mass taking up half of my womb (goodness only knows how it was missed up to then what with all the scans but hey..) it has all been removed now, just got to wait to see if it is benign, so any  and good luck bubbles you can send my way would be much appreciated! on the plus side, we were lucky enough to get beautiful frosties, so hopefully I can get back to them before too long x

waffled on for ages again - great big wombat hugs to everyone else, and keep smiling 
love
wombat x


----------



## wombat13

Debbie, big       to you. chin up chuck xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Debbie Dav - Of course i don't mind you asking, i'm glad to help (if i can)    With DE, as you're paying for the donor's treatment too, obviously its more expensive and it is horrid when it comes down to finances, but here's what i paid, bearing in mind every clinic is different:

Registration Fee (to go on waiting list) £450
Initial Consultation £165
Scan £90
Various blood tests for myself and DH amounted to £479 - but ask your GPs as they'll do some for free.
HFEA Charge £75
DE IVF £5,000

All in all we paid around £7,000 - and apart from the biggy, all the other payments are paid as and when, so not all upfront.  Some little comfort.

Sorry, i didnt catch your age before i started this message - but would you be eligible for NHS perhaps?

We've paid for re-registration again to be put on the list with no idea where the money is going to come from,but i think i'd rather lose £450 if we fail to find the finances, than not give it a go    Re-mortgage isnt an option for us though sadly.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time too at work - its pants isnt it??!

Hi Wombat, what a terrible day at work for you!   I can just imagine you hiding in the toilets!  It's so unfair, the powers that be aren't satisfied that we're suffering intolerable pain, they have to thrust babies and baby talk in our face everyday    It's funny, but i never noticed the babyworld before all this??  I hope your workmate doesnt know about what you're going through because that would be such an insensitive thing to say if she did.

Here's to things getting easier    Roll on weekend  

Big hugs and positive thoughts to everyone 

Essie x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Essie, 

I'm 40, the cost is a nightmare, we aren't in the position to re-mortgage either. I've been looking into going overseas for treatment, there is a very good clinic in Cape Town, South Africa who I have contacted and currently awaiting a quote. I've got family there so it might be more cost effective. I know someone who has had treatment in Spain, so I think its worth looking into. This whole process is starting to really get to me and not sure if emotionally I can keep going and hoping for a good result.

Hope you've had a good day x


----------



## set55

debbie

some clincs do egg sharing where the woman who provides DE gets reduced cost treatment if she shares half her eggs with someone else.  the only add cost that was mentioned to us when we inquired was the £450 fee to register for the waiting list. nothing else was mentioned about other costs.


----------



## smurfy123

Set55 lemon cupcakes sound scrummy!  . Have to have some virtual imaginary ones!    . Doesn't half annoy u the way GPs only do certain tests!

Wombat -   to u. So sorry u had rotten day too! It sucks doesn't it! Hope u get good news re polyp results. Thinking of u! Feel better that I'm not tje only hermit....   U always seem so bright and cpositive on here and cheer me up!  

Essie, Chloe, Purplepeak, Debbie -   and hello!

AFM - feeling bit better this evening. Work went ok today. No babytalk.


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Debbie, South Africa sounds like a good contender!    I've heard also Valencia in Spain is very good - its hard to know what to do for the best isnt it.  We're back with Care but now wondering whether we should have researched more into going abroad    I'm currently in the process of claiming PPIs and sorting out a car boot to help with the funds, wherever we may end up going    The whole process is very draining but getting my bfn has made me more determined somehow.

Keep us posted with your research  

Hi Smurfy - happy to hear you're feeling bit better  

Essie x


----------



## staceyemma

Hi everyone  

Essie glad ur claiming those PPI's back!  
Im seriously considering goin to cyprus for treatment its much cheaper and the clinic looks fab if u have DE you only need to go for a few days. There success rated are excellent plus of course a little holiday all rolled into one! xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Morning Everyone, 

Well woke up to the sunshine today wow after all that rain feels much better, hope the sun is shining where ever you are today think we could all do with some sunshine.

*Essie* - Thanks for your message i did have a lovely anniversary thank you it was great to spend some quality time with DH and focus on 'us' , your work sounds super demanding hope your taking it easy it cannot be easy with all those pregnancy announcements do they save them up for us? I'm beginning to wonder. Went for a walk yesterday with a good friend of mine with my dog (mia) and her dog and she announced they are trying for a baby and although am of course delighted for her. I feel really jealous and I hate that about myself I'm not usually an envious kind of person but i can't help feeling I wish we could try the natural way and i keep thinking i bet she tells me shes pregnant the next time i see her and me and DH have had to put on hold for ages even starting ivf waiting for DH cancer treatment to finish and for him to get the go ahead plus she has never been remotely interested in babies before so i think it was a shock to me. I hope i don't continue to feel like this cos a lot of my friends are starting to have babies and i might be friendless if i do. I shall have to try to get past this.

*Smurfy* - Lemon cupcakes 2 of my favourite things in one mouthful wow they sounded great. 

*Lisa* - hi you have come to the right place the ladies on here are all so supportive and when i got my BFN and couldn't get out of bed they were there for me and i shall never forget, this has become my safe haven, i hope it brings some comfort to you too and we can all continue on our journey supporting each other x 

*Set55 * - hello and nice to meet you, i am so sorry to hear about your BFN you must still be hurting, and how frustrating the GP have messed you around i am sorry they can be very un tactful at times and have no idea what each stage means to us it must be so upsetting to wait 6 weeks and then be told no the whole process is hard enough without all these barriers, fingers crossed she will come back to you and all will be ok let us know how you get on.

*Deb* - oh deb i was so sorry to read your post, sending you a big hug  and yes you soooo deserve a healthy baby and i pray you will get one, don't give up. i can empathise with feeling jealous of family and friends baby announcements i am feeling the same way, hoping those feelings will pass think its just very hard for us all as we have to have treatment but we will get there and when we do our babies will be so loved and precious to us we will all have a very special connection with our children, well thats what i am telling myself anyway.

*Wombat - * i am sorry about all your baby annoucments at work its certainly testing our strength isn't it? well done for getting through all that you are very brave and strong. Hope you also enjoyed your wedding anniversary last Thursday , yes getting married in June was fantastic we were lucky and the sun shone all day, anniversaries bring back happy memories don't they? x sending you loads and loads of positive vibes and praying hard that the polyp is benign when will you get the results?     good news to hear you have frosties though bet you are very excited to get back to them x

 hugs to you all hope you have a good day,

love chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Good Evening Lovely Ladies  

Hope everyone's doing okay and looking forwad to the weekend  

Staceyemma - Glad to hear you're making headway with your decision making - can i ask, what is the clinic called in Cyprus?  I've already paid the re-registration fee at CARE but I'd be interested to read about them.  I wouldn't mind losing the registration fee if it meant we had a better chance of making our dream come true.  Yep,   for the PPIs to come through    

Hi Chloe, the sun was out today but as soon as it turned to 5 when i finished work the heavens opened - typical    It's nice to hear you're getting out and about    I can totally relate to your feelings of envy - its awful isnt it??  I've never been envious before and i don't like how it makes me feel   .  I wonder if it gets easier??  

AFM Another day of babies!!  Arrrggghh - I don't understand it - why do i attract other people's pregnancies and babies but not my own??  

Also had to car share today with my friend, whose baby, just turned 1, goes to nursery - so i'm stood there in the middle of the nursery helping my friend with her bags of baby stuff, with loads of babies and tots crawling and running round me!  Then we had to go back at the end of the day to pick him up -  I give up!  I feel like i'm truly being tested  

I think hysteria has just set in hahahaha

Hope everyone's had a good day, and is having a lovely evening  

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Good Evening,

Gosh essie you are a superstar for getting through the day sounds v challenging ! Hope u can now relax & enjoy the evening with your DH. Take care xxx


----------



## smurfy123

Sunshine today was great!

Essie - so sorry you had another day full of babies.      Take care and have a restful evening.  

AFM - much better today. I'm getting there slowly.  Think all the hormones bouncing round are making me feel worse - keep getting a bit anxious one minute then tearful.  Feel a bit like a teenager again   plus I've suddenly got a breakout of spots which I never get!  
Been out for bite to eat with DH after work which was nice - he has been feeling down and worrying about me too! Going to watch a bit of tv later (after all the football has finished!)  

Night everyone!


----------



## pinky8232

Thanks for the link Chloe  You cant keep me down for long lol hope your coping well while waiting to cycle again, any idea when your clinic will & you feel ready to cycle again? 

Hiya ladies thought I would join you while! I recognise some of you from the 2ww & May/June threads, I hope you are all well 

Finally the floods have cleared & I'm ready to move on (& I do mean that literally LOL I'm from the town thats been all over the news the past few days with all the flooding & apparently we are now expecting our yearly battering of tornado's too! ). Seeing a lot of my towns folks homes ruined & worldly belonging lost, kind of puts things in perspective, at least I have my DH & a dry home! On wards & up wards  

I had my follow up appointment today & have been given the go ahead to start cycling again as soon as AF arrives, not sure when that will be yet tho  
I am  my clinic are letting me cycle again so soon, I always thought they make you wait 2-3 natural cycles before jumping back into another cycle. My clinic seem to be really relaxed about everything OTT was only 10 days following a 5day transfur & they are letting me cycle again striate after only 1 natural AF following a m/c at 6 weeks, which was only officially a week ago! Cant wait to get started again tho   

I'm glad to see most of you have also been ranting about pregnant ladies & babies  It seems everywhere I turn at the mow there is a lady rubbing her pregnant belly or showing off their babies right in front of me, its been driving me & my DH insane   & a bit jealous too  

XXXPinkyXXX


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## staceyemma

Pinky I followed the 2ww thread and remmebr u getting ur bfp hun so I am so so sorry about your miscarriage    

Great news that you can cycke again on next af  When you fall...get back up on that horse  
wishing you the best of luck for your next cycle xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Pinky,  

I'm so happy to see you on here I missed you. Good news that you can start again so quickly, sorry to hear about all the flooding which part of the country are you in sorry haven't been watching the tv much. Glad to hear your home is ok. 

My follow up appointment is 13th July even though I'm paying privately to go to Care that's the soonest I could get so I should find out more then. When I rang I asked them when I could start & they said after 2/3 AF so I think I'll be starting in September , wish I could start next month with u I hate all the waiting I just want to get on with it now . 
Lots of love
Chloe xx


----------



## set55

evening all

Babies at work and lift sharing sounds challenging but we wouldn't be here and going thr this process if we weren't strong ladies.  Met with some of dh's aus relatives over here on hol today was dreading the "when u starting a family" question but thankfully it didn't come. 

so....gp wouldn't approve all level 1 tests - i am so annoyed.  POSTCODE LOTTERY!!!!   

had acc before and during my last cycle but have been having a rest from it at the min  but did text her today to tell about level 1 tests and how i couldn't get them all on nhs.  I also told her that i wasn't gonna do level 2 tests now.  So i get texts from her telling me i really should have them done.  But consultant at nurture says they are a grey area so i try to tell her this and they are not recognised in this country but she still thinks i should have them..............
so..........what should i do told by some not to and others to have them?? i'm not keen on spending the money for the tests + treatment  costs as well all on top of ivf.  i know there is no right or wrong answer but don't know what to do.......


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Set - sorry i don't have any advice, just wanted to sympathise with you in your frustrations with all the conflicting advice.  As if we don't have enough to contend with, the professionals can't decide what's best!  How are you supposed to know the best way forward?? 

I hope you come to a decision soon  

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning all, 
How is everyone feeling? It's very quiet on here the last few days. Hope your all busy doing nice things x

Set55- so sorry to hear GP won't fund tests it's not fair have u decided what you will do now? Xxx

X


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Chloe - we've had a lazy morning so far, having a lie in.  Had a tearful night last night - just came out of the blue, no idea where it came from as i'd had a reallly nice day out (may be it was because the day out included a baby being present but i didnt feel upset at the time, just aware).  As its Father's Day we've got my parents round for a meal and going to visit DH's parents.  I'm making my signature dish, Spanish Chicken nom nom nom    Hope you've got a nice day planned out - the sun is trying to shine here so fingers x'd.  Have a lovely day whatever you do and hope you're feeling okay. Thinking of you  

Hello to all the lovely ladies - hope you're all having a lovely weekend  


Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Good Afternoon Essie, 

Hope you've had a great day with your family your chicken dish sounds yummy. We went to my mums & had my brothers & sisters over & their husbands & wife's over too ( I'm one of 5 so a big family) normally I love these type of occasions but to
Be honest I found it all a bit too much nobody mentions anything to me even though they all know ( my mum and I have talked about it at other times on our own though which has helped) but I found putting on a brave face all day tiring. Just got home & I'm shattered. 

I guess it's still early days , just feel isolated really like I can't connect with even my close family. 

Sorry you felt sad last night Essie all I can say is I've been the same , sometimes I'm fine then other times very tearful. Hope you feel stronger today . 

How is everyone else doing? 

X


----------



## Dizzybee

Good Evening all ,

Hope you all have had a good day . We went out this afternoon to get a few things for the garden . Just got to wait for DH to do it now . Need the sun as well . Have to   for that . 

Had our follow- up appointment on Thurs . All went well . she said there was no reason why it should not have worked. We asked lot's of questions . Good news we can have a 2nd cycle but have to wait 2 months   . Should be Sept but can ring them in Aug to see if they can fit us in then . Can't wait to start   . It gives us time to do some jobs around the house and garden . 

O'well must go and do yoga now .

  to all . 

DIZZYBEE X


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies!

WARNING – mega long post alert……

Just trying to catch up with the thread as it’s been a few days since I was last on here and so much has happened while I’ve been away!  Work has been soooo busy with all our summer Exam Boards – June is always a nightmare for me!

Hi Chloe, I’m so glad you think I’m positive, or at least that’s how I come across.  Trust me, I don’t always feel it myself but I’m glad that’s the impression I give.  I guess sometimes it’s just easier to comfort and reassure other people, it removes you from your own situation for a while, so I like doing that.  Not sure really if my friend realised how hard the meet up was for me, I’d like to think she did – she’s known me long enough…..but it was a funny old day!  Hope you're doing ok  

Hi Essie, yes I’m really glad the meet up is out of the way now; I can concentrate on my feelings again now (sounds selfish when I say that out loud - so to speak!).  I totally agree, I often feel like shouting “WHAT ABOUT ME!”.  Everywhere I go there is another pregnant woman rubbing her tummy!  So sorry to hear you had a bad evening yesterday, they sometimes catch me unawares too, they just pop up out of the blue, sometimes for no real reason – I guess we can’t put on the ‘brave face’ all the time, sometimes we have to let our guard fall down  

Welcome Hardcastle75 and Set55.  Really sorry to hear about your BFNs, I hope you find lots of comfort and support from this thread.  Hardcastle75, I’m pleased to hear that you have your follow up appointment already, that gives you something to aim towards, so that will help.  Set55, really annoying for you re the tests!  Makes me so mad how they can be so pedantic sometimes?!  

Debbie Dav, really sorry to hear about your knock back about the re-test of your AMH.  As Staceyemma says, there are many positive stories on here about women still falling pregnant with low AMH, I know it’s really hard but try and stay strong.  Come on here and rant away to your hearts content – that’s what we’re here for  

Smurfy123, I wish we were all brave enough to turn around to our friends, family and colleagues and say what we really feel!  I’d have loved you to have replied to your friends comments about “well at least you can still do this…..” and “at least you can still do that” by you saying “we’d much rather not be going out, or going on holiday, I’d give anything to be in your position!”.  Do people not realise that we continue to do all these things to fill our time, to help stop the constant baby/ttc related thoughts and to help repair our broken and empty hearts – I’m sure we’d all exchange our holidays and nights out for staying at home and counting the pennies if it meant we could have our own little one in our arms  

Hi Wombat, all went well with the scary needle – with relatively few tears!  She had trouble with my left arm so had to do the right one too!  She’s so lovely though, very understanding and gentle so all was ok.  We even sat and chatted about phobias for a while afterwards as she has one too (not of needles though!) so she understands the emotions they can bring up.  Aww thanks so much for saying you’d have come with me if you were nearer, that is so lovely of you – I wish you could have too.  Tbh I’m not 100% sure what happens next with the donor eggs, but am happy to talk about what I know so far.  I had to have that blood test to check for CMV (or something!) which is like the chicken pox virus I think (?!) and then DH and I go for the counselling session we both have to have on Wednesday.  After that we meet the nurse and it’s then we’ll find out a bit more about timescales, donor matches etc.  Will keep you posted  

Hi Dizzybee, so pleased that your follow up appt went well, that’s great news that you can get going again in a couple of months  

Afm – feel like I’m doing ok at the mo, which is a bit unnerving!  I keep waiting for something to knock me back (like it always seems to!).  But for the time being I’m going with the flow in terms of feeling positive.  Blood test last Thursday went ok, just got to wait for the results, and am excited and nervous about our appt at the clinic on Wednesday to find out what happens next.  I don’t know why but I was really hoping that this month was going to be our month of falling pg naturally – I guessed I partly thought that (stupidly!) as I had a really vivid dream a few days ago where I found out I was pg, and I said to DH “we’ve done it, we’ve done it ourselves….naturally!” lol, sounds silly doesn’t it, but I was hoping it was a kind of premonition – sadly not, looks like AF is on the way.  Ah well, the chances of it happening naturally are soooo slim it shouldn’t be a big shock really.  I just have to look forward to Wednesday now……

Think I must deffo be hormonal as just watched Dirty Dancing (for the gazillionth time!) and almost cried at so many parts lol  

Hope everyone is doing ok, love ‘n’ hugs to all  

xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hey Nosilab - I love your mammoth message!    The post can move so fast sometimes, its hard to keep up.  

Today was a much better day.  Parents came round and i cooked.  Mum still got lots of questions but i'm finding it a lot easier to talk about it now.  

I know you're trying ttc naturally but are you also on the waiting list for DE?  I'm sorry if i appear ignorant but I can't remember what your appointment was for Wednesday??  I've just been through DE treatment and currently back on waiting list.  Follow up appoint next Monday.  Good luck anyway for Wednesday and hope it brings you a step nearer on your journey.

Hi Chloe - well done for getting through today with such a big family too   Its not easy when you feel so isolated especially when your around people who actually know the situation but don't say anything.  I don't know which is worse; silence or someone saying the wrong thing    Hope Mia's giving you lots of cuddles   I had a better day today thanks and parents really enjoyed it but seem to get sooooooo tired sooooooooooo quickly these days - i'm absolutely exhausted!

Hello to everyone - hope you all have a good week  

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Essie

So pleased to hear you've had a better day, and had a good day with your parents.  Yes, we're on the waiting list for DE, so we've just been ttc naturally in the meantime.  We have our first appointment on Wednesday to see the nurse and find out what happens next.  She called a couple of weeks ago to say "things are moving along a bit quicker now", but said that doesn't mean we're about to start treatment - so am interested/nervous/excited to see what this is all about!  I'm guessing they wouldn't send me for blood tests and call us in for counselling if things weren't about to happen?!?!  Can you remember what happened at your first appt? x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Nosilab - I'm soooo excited for you! I remember feeling exactly how you do now    Once we had our blood tests we saw a counsellor who basically made sure we knew of all the legalities involving DE IVF and asked how we both felt about using DE.  The lady made a note of our characteristics; colour of eyes, hair, height and weight.  In case they couldnt get the exact height she asked whether we preferred someone taller or shorter than ourselves and also asked if there was any characteristics we would not prefer.  It was a bit delicate in some areas as you can imagine, but we were quite open as we didnt want to restrict our chances in finding a match.

We then saw the Consultant who explained the procedure.  He was very clear and answered all our questions and put us at ease.  I also had a scan at that time to check "things" were in order.

It was then a case of waiting for match.

Can't wait to hear your news on Wednesday  

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Aww thanks Essie, I really appreciate you getting back to me with this info, I know what to expect a bit more now.  Sounds like there might still be a bit of waiting involved then, but hopefully not too long.  I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes on Wednesday  

 xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi ladies can I join you?

I confirmed today what I already knew that our first DE IVF failed. We had what were described as two perfect embryos put back but it didn't work. DH and my mum kept up all weekend that it might have worked but I knew the first bfn result was right. You'll know the feeling. I feel devestated. I just want to spend at least week hiding in bed. 

Have emailed the clinic this morning to ask what happens next. 

Good luck to you all!
Hopeful x


----------



## EssieJean

Morning Hopefulat35 - of course you can join    I recognise your name from the other threads - sorry to hear of your bfn, only those who've gone through a bfn can truly understand the pain that you feel and you're with a good group of ladies here.  I've found great support and comfort from this thread, I hope you do too.  I presume you've tested again already?

I know the feeling well wanting to hide in bed - if it wasnt for DH I don't think i'd ever get up!

Hope the clinic comes back with answers and options for you

Sending     

Essie x


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi girls, with regret can I join your group? I am 9dp3dt and they did bloods today as I've had moderate ohss so been back and forth the hospital for the last week. They said they would do an early pregnancy test today and they rang at 3 pm to say my bloods were negative  . Im devastated feel so hopeless and angry as I've been through all this for nothing. She said to carry on as normal and test on otd as stranger things have happened but in other words it would be a miracle and it's not going to change to positive. God when do you start to get over this as I just can't pull myself together at the moment. Sorry to you All too xxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi ceri_gl, so sorry to hear about your neg.  I was told also to test on OTD and was told it has happened before that a positive has appeared so there may still be a chance.  Sadly mine wasnt to be but it does and can happen.  I really feel your pain as it is truly devastating, all i can say is  give yourself time - its too soon to be able to "pull yourself together" - be kind to yourself  

You'll find lots of comfort and strength from this thread as we're a great bunch (if i don't say so myself   )

Take care 
Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Good evening ladies , 

Welcome to Hopefulat35 and ceri, so so sorry about your bfn sending u a hug   I have found a lot of support from this thread & all the ladies on here are fab hope it helps you both in some small way. We all care & we are here together to get through this difficult time. 

Nosalib - wow what an amazing post good luck for your appointment on Wednesday x 

How's everyones day been? 

Love Chloe xxx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Hi girls afraid to say...please can I join you

Af started fri and confirmed with blood test bfn for me!

Recognise some of you from previous thread and can see how you are all working through it....

Still getting over it just had a lovely long bath with beer!! Quite sad but needed to do something not been able to do for a while!

Hope I can support you and join in our hopes and dreams to make it to our goals but also to help you getthrough the dark days as I have found on all the other ff threads.

Xx


----------



## EssieJean

Oh no my heart is crying - so many newbies on this thread.  As much as its lovely to "meet" you all I wish we were all on a very different thread  

Hi Babyjellybaby - so sorry to hear of your bfn too - I too have just had a very hot bath with a very cool beer!    Hope the days get easier very soon for you  

Hi Chloe, nice to hear from you - hope you've had a better day today.  I've been at work so its been as good as it can be    thankfully no more pregnancy annoucements  

Hello and   to everyone

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Hi Babyjellybaby , 

I recognise you from the may / June cycle buddies thread. I'm so so sorry to hear your news . 

Lots of hugs
Chloe x


----------



## smurfy123

Hi everyone
Hope u have all had a good day today and enjoyed the sunshine. 

Ceri -    so sorry to see u on here too.    everyone on here is so supportive and make u feel "not alone". Take time to grieve and look after yourself.

Hopefulat35 and Babyjellybaby - welcome.    to u both as well.

Essie - good luck with your appointment next week. Glad ur day has been ok!

AFM - still keep having ups and downs. Feeling very hormonal today. Felt ok at the weekend and had food time at my sister-in-law's on Saturday. Was ok yesterday till I saw a new baby banner and balloons up in a window round the corner from our house then I set off again crying. Don't like feeling this way.    

Hello to anyone that I've missed    to u all!


----------



## ceri_gl

Chloe, babyjellybaby, Smurfy I recognise you all from may/June cycle buddies, not a good month love to you all   x
Essie thanks for the lovely words I hope it gets better, everyone keeps saying to pick myself up but today it feels as if I am cemented firmly into the floor. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I had a glass of wine but then remembered I don't really like it that much so wish I'd gone for the beer!
Anyway night all xxxx
Smurfy we must have been typing the same time then! X


----------



## smurfy123

Aww Ceri     to u!


----------



## Chloe l

Morning Ceri, 

Yes there seem to be a lot of sad news from our may/ June thread . Hope your doing ok this morning , have u got some time off work? I spent the first week with my DH at home after my BFN & it did really help me, can you have any time with your DH? 

Please don't feel like u should pull yourself together , you are grieving because you have had a terrible loss & I think the grieving is important as it's th bodies way of healing & coming to terms with it. It does take time but it will get easier , you are not alone we all feel sad & we have good & bad days. Be kind to yourself & give yourself time to heal. 

Big hug  
Love Chloe x


----------



## Nosilab

Morning ladies

Hello and welcome to Hopefulat35, ceri-gl and Babyjellybaby. As Essie says, in a way I'm so sorry you've had to join this thread and I'm very sorry to hear of your BFNs, we all understand how you're feeling and the total devastation it brings  But at the same time I hope you find lots of comfort and support from all the lovely ladies on here 

Afm - Having a bit of a down day today  AF has now definitely arrived so the dream I had at the weekend sadly wasn't a premonition afterall (not that I _really _ thought it was, but you have to live in hope eh!). Also just feeling a bit negative about my next tx working - whenever that may be. I know there are some positive outcomes from DE IVF, but I'm also aware that as with OE IVF there are also many negative outcomes too - and I'm feeling a bit "glass half empty" today, instead of "glass half full". Probably not helped by my pregnant friend now reaching her 12 week point, so is starting to make her official announcements to everyone, don't know why that should affect me really but it has, just another reminder and confirmation that she's pregnant and I'm not I guess.....dunno 

Anyway, sorry to bring a downer on things - on such a lovely sunny day too. Ah well, lets hope my appt tomorrow brings some good news to help cheer me up.

Love 'n' hugs to all  xxx


----------



## ceri_gl

Nosilab it is a nice day which always perks you up a bit. I'm off work today couldn't face everyone, will try to give it a go tomorrow got to get it out of the way sooner or later. Looks like af is on her way today so that's 10dp3dt so I would never had made it till test date as that's next Monday! Any of you who have had follow ups did they say why it may not have worked? My embies were really good, it's getting me down I keep thinking for gods sake even when they put them in be ready fertilised I still can't get pregnant!! Maybe its nothing to do with dh low morphology maybe it's me and I will never be able to get pregnant. Plus it's 9 months wait for go 2 so do I consider going private as 9 months is a long time! Or do I maybe go down the acupunture route and take loads of supplements?
Any advice?? 
Lots of love to you all xxxx


----------



## Selzi

Hi Ceri,

Sorry things look like they are not working out. I just wanted to comment as we have had a very similar experience. I have just completed my first course of IVF. They managed to get 12 eggs, 4 fertilised and 2 developed into early blasts, one of which was a high grade. I had the best one transferred at day 5 and it was a BFN. I started bleeding on and off at 10dp5dt and developed full blown AF at 13dp5dt, a day before my OTD. I was really gutted about it and couldn't help but think that this meant that I would never get pregnant, given that they kept raving about how everything had gone so well and the blast was such good quality blah blah. Then why didn't it work?! 

I had my follow up with the consultant last Friday and asked him his thoughts and he put it down to a failure of the embryo to implant. He said that there was no real reason for it, other than the natural processes that occur. He explained that when ttc naturally, only about 30% of embryo's implant and that IVF increased that chance to 50%, so basically the odds are still like tossing a coin, and for me, this time, the coin fell on tails. He said that there was no reason for it not working other than natural odds and that I would still have a 50/50 chance of implantation next time, which was better than ttc naturally, but still no guarantee. Not much comfort, but it's an explanation I guess. I'm not sure if that's particularly helpful to you but I have to hold on to the belief that it can work and I just have to play the odds and hope that one day the little blighter will stick!!

Anyway, look after yourself and dont give up!

Sel.X


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Nosilab * sorry to hear you're having a down day  We all get them so don't apologise  Hopefully you'll get some answers at your appointment tomorrow to enable you to move forward with a bit more optimism for the next time. How's this for being in denial - TWO WEEKS after OTD - i took a test today??!!   My tummy is still like a football and i've been having 'flutterings', there was a spare test lying around and I thought why the hell not. DH said it would give me peace of mind and give him some peace!!! hahaha Obviously it was a neg, but now i know i just need to exercise LOL. Will be thinking of you tomorrow 

*Ceri * - the only thing i didnt do was acupuncture and its definately on my "to do " list for next time. My cousin swore by it when she was doing IVF (which resulted in twins) - sending you lots of   

Hi *Selzi * - sorry to to hear of your neg. I'm having my follow up on Monday and i'm dreading them saying there is no real reason for it - WE WANT REASONS at least then we know how to put it right or at least try to!!! . You're right in holding onto belief - it can work and it will work 

Hello to everyone else, hope you're enjoying the sun, or if like me you're at work - you're having a smooth day 
Essie
x


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi selzi your situation is similar to mine yeah, hope we are both luckier next time!  it's nice to know there is hope but I'm sick of hearing that it's one of those things. If its so darn hard blah blah how come everywhere I look women have kids? How come all my friends had no trouble. Like essie said we need answers, the trouble is they haven't got any so they tell you it's nothing. But your right you have to hold onto some belief I suppose. 
I'm feeling a little better this afternoon, dreading work tomorrow though, if anyone says you've had a nice break I'll poke them in the eye! Thing is everyone else I talk to goes back in 3 months but this 9 months is really annoying me now it's really not fair so now I've been researching the prospect of paying, I'm even contemplating a consultation with zita west just to see what they say about improving naturally......
Hope everyone had a nice day and got a bit of sun xxxxx


----------



## Chloe l

Evening Ladies, 

Well just stuffed my face with hamburger & ice cream at frankie & bennys with a girlfriend and it's cheered me up no end , why is it that food that's bad for you tastes sooo good. Had a productive day today so feeling proud of myself , managed to get on with some work today , had a lovely long walk with my pooch Mia in the sunshine at lunchtime & caught up with a friend over tea so all good , oh and got back in touch with my yoga teacher & am starting back the classes in Friday so another box ticked. 

Nosalib - honey I'm so sorry you've felt down today hope you feel better soon , xxx

Ceri - it's still very early days so if you don't feel ready to return to work tomorrow don't force yourself . Sorry you have to wait so long for your next cycle on the plus side it's fab that you have got funding for another go, we only get one funded cycle through our pct. 

Essie- I'm sorry you didn't get the news you so deserve when you retested it's just so hard to accept isn't it , I though about retesting too as I've felt sick every morning but I think it's just anxiety with me as when u first awake I remember & have to re live it all again. 

Take care everyone
Xx


----------



## Selzi

Thanks Essie, it's so frustrating isn't it when you just want answers, but like you, I've decided to do acupuncture during my next cycle and I'm back on metformin now, so hopefully things will be slightly different next time, even if my treatment is going to be the same. Good luck with your follow up appt, sending you lots of    

Ceri, I know exactly how you feel, everyone around me is either pregnant or has just had a baby. It's just so easy for some people but it feels like there is a barrier at every turn for me, either it's a 50/50 chance and then even if it works, there is the threat of miscarriage. It just feels so hard, but we have to focus on the end goal. It's a shame you have to wait so long, why is that? If you can afford to pay for it and you cant wait, just do it. You have to do what's right for you, just try not to stress too much as that is the worst thing you could do now, even though this process is the cause of all our stress!


----------



## RSH0308

Just had a really emotionally harrowing cycle,  I got a BFP 7th June and then started to miscarry a few days later. Had it confirmed yesterday by a scan. Me and DH are just destroyed  

Part of me wants to throw myself into trying again and the other thinks that if I get another BFN I wouldn't be able to handle it!

Anyone been through anything similar/ got any advice?

Much love
xxxxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Oh RSH, so very sorry    Reading your signature you've really been through it.  I'm afraid i've no words of wisdom but didnt want to read and run.  All i can say is that you'll get lots of positive support and empathy here.  You need to give yourselves time to recover, only then will you be able to think more clearly as to how to carry on your journey.

Sending lots of     

Essie 
x


----------



## smurfy123

Ceri - take as much time as u need and don't push yourself too hard. It's really early days for u and u r grieving. Spend lots of time with DH.     This whole process is so hard and takes it toll on us doesn't it. 

Rsh -    so sorry for u getting so far. This whole process has so many highs and lows.I too had bfp then starting bleeding a few days later. Take time to grieve together with your other half and time to get your head around everything too before deciding what to do next. 

Selzi -  so sorry   Really think doctors think they are helping us saying things like that but it makes us feel worse not better most of the time. Try and stay   ready for next time round. Acupuncture sounds like a good idea (i've not had it for this but did have a course for migraines and it did help me for that).

Nosilab - hope u have a better day tomorrow.

AFM - lots of babytalk and scan pictures in office again today.  Went for appt with occ health Dr today as been off a lot pre and post treatment and they basically said I need to decide if I want a job or a baby! I've been way too upfront and honest with work throughput this whole process and its made me realise that I shouldn't of been as u get no better thought of. That's partly why I've been so down and was stressing about going back in and having return to work review straight after miscarrying. Been bottling things up and keeping things in for so long its been getting to me. My head is totally wrecked and poor DH is being so supportive. I'm worrying about him too worrying about me.

Enough of my rant now.

Hello and goodnight to everyone else too.


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Essie*, thanks for your lovely message  So sorry that your retest was a BFN  I know the feeling well, we hold on to any tiny glimmer of hope, I remember doing something similar after my OTD. AF was late (it hadn't arrived by OTD), so even though I'd tested on OTD and got a BFN I was still holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, the test I did hadn't picked up that I was pg! Of course, the test was right and AF arrived a few days later - but we do drive ourselves a bit  with it all don't we!  xx

Thanks *Chloe* and *smurfy123*, feeling better for having read the lovely messages on here  Hope you're doing ok? xx

*RSH0308*, so so sorry to hear what you've been through, that is just devastating for you and your DH. As Essie says, I think for now you just need to give yourselves a bit of space and time to grieve and recover, you've been through so much and it all plays havoc with your emotions. Sending lots of hugs  

Hi to everyone else 

xx


----------



## LoopyMoo

Hello ladies

May I join you?

Haven't got the time at the mo, on a break at work, but I will read through where everyone is at later! 

I'm waiting for our very last attempt with a FET.  We've one average looking blasto left frozen and we'll be starting again at the end of July.  I'm really struggling with PMA.... I have none, it's all been used up!  Hey ho, I shall endeavour to find some from somewhere.....


----------



## wombat13

Hi everyone
sorry i've not posted for a while, just really been struggling with emotions - a very close family member just announced they are pg. Didn't even know they were trying. so conflicted, obviously happy for them but also feel devastated - I want it to be us so much, and we've been trying for so long, I feel like they've stolen something from us!! which makes me feel terrible... plus i'm still waiting for my result which is stressing me out... 

*Nosilab*, so sorry to hear you have been feeling down, hope you got some good news at your appointment today that has helped you feel more positive xx 

sorry everyone, just feel totally crap at the moment.
wombat hugs to all 
x


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## lou/s

Hi all not posted for a while and the time has just flown by returning to work so busy has really helped take my mind off things! 
so todays date came with our review follow up appt with consultant and we are good to go again july/aug fet natural cycle and if both embies defost they will put both back.   still waiting for my first proper af after bfn should be this weekend so hopefully things will return to normal and the natural cycle will work. 
back later to catch up with all so sorry for newbies for your bfns but welcome   
im sorry your feeling rubish wombat its so hard and feels totaly unfair. i feel dreadful but i had to opt out of my best friends baby shower last weekend she totally understood but just couldnt cope with it 
xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Loopymoo * and welcome (but with regret that you're on here) - Hopefully that 'somewhere' will be here to find your PMA  

So sorry *Wombat * that you've been feeling down - its hard when you're battling with your emotions and feeling envious whilst still pleased for expecting couples. Every day i go into work faced with pregnant women, of course they werent trying, it "just happened" - Well bully for you I want to shout  Its such a stressful time - i hope you get your results 

Hi *Lou/s* - it has been a while! So glad you're able to start again soon 

*Nosilab * - how did it go today?? Hope you're okay 

Essie x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Wow, things move so fast on this thread.... 

Essie Jean, thanks for all your advice regarding DE, I think we will definitely look into it if our next cycle is a BFN. 

Welcome to all the new ladies and I'm so sorry for your BFN's, but this site is really supportive and makes you realise you're not alone. 

Nosilab, it is so difficult when friends and family announced they are pregnant, I had family staying last week and my cousin announced she was pregnant.

Hopefulat35, sorry you've been feeling low, it takes a while but you do start to feel normal again in time, just be kind to yourself and don't rush things.

Selki, like you my feedback has been failure to implant. Although initially after having my bloods done again, my AMH came back at 4, but since having a consultation with the clinic about this they remain positive given that I am producing lots of follicles. They have therefore suggested I try some additional meds to help with implantation, they have advised me to take Cleaxane which is daily injections for 12 weeks to thin the blood and increase blood flow to the uterus. They have also suggested Intrialipid infusion 1-3 weeks before embryo transfer which increases egg quality and improves the body’s immune system. It might be something you could also discuss with your clinic. I am feeling much more positive this week, after a nurse told me last week that my chances of IVF working were greatly reduced due to my low AMH result.

I hope I haven't missed anyone, thinking of you all. 

Deb xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Debbie Dav - nice to hear from you    So glad you're feeling positive, I   that you won't need to go down the DE route coz you'll get your bfp  

Essie x


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi girls, first day back at work today and not so bad.  Had a few moments but managed to get through it. Af well in flow now, cramps a lot......will it last for ages? Just wondered too my otd isn't till Monday but obviously I'm not pregnant so shall I just ring the clinic for a follow up?
Wombat sorry you've had a tough day, it's so hard I really feel for you. 
Essie yeah just seems to happen I hear that a lot. It's the women swearing at the 3 scruffy looking children that gets me too. I think how can you deserve to have them and treat them like that and we can't have one of our own that we would provide a loving home for? Not fair.
Debbie dav I haven't had my follow up yet but assuming mine is implantation too as good quality embryos and no underlying issues. They gave me clexane but only after I developed moderate ohss and had breathing difficulties. Interesting to know maybe taking it longer may help things in the future!! 
Love to you all xxxx


----------



## set55

evening ladies

not posted for a wee while but have been watching you all (sorry that sounds a cross between creepy and pervy) 
I totally agree with what you were saying about needing to know reasons why cycles fail.  We all need to know what we could do differently to try and help things along.  For those of u considering or going to do acc on your next cycle i would say go for it.  Its not cheap i went every week leading up to treatment and then during treatment it was more intense but i do believe that it did help my egg quality on my last cycle even though i didn't get a bfp. I also cut out caffeine and tried to eat a high protein diet during treatment which for me meant chicken and lots of eggs.

At the end of the day sometimes there are no definite answers to why things don't work which can make it all the more harder to come to terms with. 

i have to say i don't mind seeing babies around at work but sometimes the pregnant women touch a nerve its like they are parading it in front of me on purpose.  i guess i'm just jealous if what i can't have. 

i have some blood tests on fri morn maybe they'll give me some answers and help me along the way of what to do next.  

laters


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Ceri * - glad your first day back went okay. I'm having a follow up appointment on Monday. I'm hoping it will give me peace of mind and answer questions for me so i can move on and start preparing for our next cycle. If a follow up appointment is available I would take it 

Hi *Set55* - ha your comment made me laugh about watching us  - Good luck with the tests on Friday -  that they give you much needed answers 

Essie x


----------



## smurfy123

Wombat -    to u.  So sorry u r feeling down at the moment. 

Loopymoo- hello and welcome. Everyone is lovely and really supportive on here. Sending lots of     your way!

Set55 - hope blood tests show something. Agree its awful just not knowing why things don't happen.  Take carexx
Ceri - glad your first day back at work went ok.

Debbiedav - glad things sound positive for next time round. Will keep   for u!
Hello and goodnight to everyone else!


----------



## Chloe l

Good Morning Ladies, 

What a wet rainy morning hope you are all doing OK.

*RSH* - I was so sad to read your post sounds like you have had a really tough time, my thoughts are with you hope each day you feel a little stronger sending you a hug x 

*Smurfy -*Gosh your work sound like they are not being very supportive i am sorry thats the last thing you need

*Loopmoo* - Hello to you, sending you lots of positive thoughts for your frozen embie, we will all help to get you ready for July everyone on here are amazing and they are all so supportive.     

*Wombat* - I am sorry you are struggling at the moment, please don't apologise thats what we are all here for. I think its only natural given what you have Been through but it will pass and you will feel a bit better soon, it is so hard when close family announce pregnancies especially when it comes as a surprise out of nowwhere when you are trying so desperately hard, life can be very unfair at times. Please do not give up hope, it will happen for you, in the meantime heres a big hug sounds like you need one 

*Lou * - hi i am glad work has helped you to keep busy, and thats good news that your follow up appointment confirmed you can start TX in /julyAugust sending you lots of love and luck for your little frosties     

*Debbie dav* - how are you doing? have you had your floow up appointment yet? you sound very positive which is great x 

*Ceri -* well done on getting through your first day back to work that cant have been easy, hope your feeling a little better 

*Set55 * - goodluck for your blood tests tomorrow, let us know how you get on

*Essie * - I hope your follow appointment on Monday goes well and they can answer all your questions and hopefully reassure you, its such a hard thing to go through i still cant get my head around it. i have my follow up appointment on the 13th July which feels like ages, think i will have an essay of questions to ask them by then.

*Nosalib * - hope your are feeling a bit better today take care of yourself x

AFM - well i am trying to look ahead and think about the next TX cycle i ordered the Zita west book and relaxation CD yesterday which i am hoping will help me and tomorrow i go back to my yoga class which i have been dreading as i feel so bloated still from the TX but i know in the long run it will help get my body into shape. Still having teary moments I'm not sure that will ever go until the day i get PG. So just focusing on the next TX really, hoping they say i can start in 3 months time. thinking of you all at this difficult time and sending you lots of 

love Chloe x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Chloe, 

This weather really doesn't help lift your mood does it?  I'm so fed up with the rain now; you can't plan anything at the weekends with the weather being so unpredictable. Yes I've had my follow up now, it’s a roller coaster of emotions because early last week I wasn't even sure if it was worth going to go ahead with another cycle after being told my AMH Level was 4. But now it’s all systems go again and I’m booked in for August and I’m going to take the additional meds suggested to help with implantation. 

Finding ways to relax is definitely the way forward, I’ve gone back to gentle running, it really does help to clear my head. Its ok to still have teary moments, but hang on in there, all good things come to those who wait and I’m sure you will get your PFP… Keep smiling and enjoy the Yoga 

Deb x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Chloe * - yes, ive got my long list of questions at the ready, and i'm going in armed with a pen!! I don't want to miss anything the Consultant says or suggests  I still can't believe how long you've had to wait 

Had to go for "walks" today at work - so much baby talk and maternity leave planning! Perhaps its me, may be i just didnt notice it before?? 
I was lent the Zita West CD and it was great for relaxing as it's set out in stages of treatment. We should all post our ideas, suggestions and tips for optimum impact next time round 

*Debbie Dav* - good news that you can start in August  - can i ask what additional meds you'll be taking to help with implantation?

Hello to all the lovely ladies  - hope you all okay and keeping the  

Essie x


----------



## Debbie Dav

Hi Essie'Jean, 

After feeling so negative early last week I'm now feeling much more positive. My Consultant has suggetsed the following meds to help with implantation, they have advised me to take Cleaxane which is daily injections for 12 weeks to thin the blood and increase blood flow to the uterus. They have also suggested Intrialipid infusion 1-3 weeks before embryo transfer which increases egg quality and improves the body’s immune system. They have been more than helpful, at least in August I know I would have given it my all. Good luck with your consultation, I look foward to hearing how you get on. 

Deb x


----------



## Selzi

Hi ladies, hope you are all well.

Debbie - thanks for the suggestion about meds to help with implantation. I will ask my consultant about clexeane but I know that my clinic won't do intralipid therapy as the consultants don't agree with immunotherapy. I asked about it at my feedback session and my consultant said that they won't offer it as they don't believe there is any evidence it works. I have a feeling he'll say no to clexeane also as his view was that there was nothing that could really help implantation, other than getting my weight down a bit more, so that's what I'm trying to do.


----------



## wombat13

Hi girls

Got my results from my op in the post today - everything that was removed has come back as clear, completely benign!
       
So happy and relieved (as you can probably tell!) 

Plus my lovely consultant has couriered over all my next lot of meds, which means I can get straight back on track; hopefully looking at the end of July!!
This is just the news I needed this week. 

*Nosilab* - not heard from you for a while, hope you are OK. How did you get on at your appt?  xx

*Essiejean, lou/s, ceri, smurfy, Chloe*, thanks so much for your kind words and support - silly how such good news can make you feel so low, but it really did seem unfair at the time! Now I'm gradually coming around to being really happy for them, especially as I can feel so much more positive about my own situation now. *Chloe*, thanks for the hug, I really needed it that day! 

*Loopymoo* - hope you manage to find some PMA from here, stay strong hon and, in the meantime, this is for you   

*selzi * - I hope you get some positive answers from your consultant. It can seem so unfair the disparity between different areas; here's hoping you can find the solutions you need xxx

great big wombat hugs all round to everyone 
love wombat x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

WOMBAT - YOUR POST HAS LURED ME OUT FROM THE SHADOWS! YAY!!!!   
fAB NEWS SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU XXXX


----------



## wombat13

Thanks Bubble! Nice to hear from you again, hope you are doing OK hon xxx
I can't stop grinning myself, so a few   are definitely in order!   
funny, i hadn't realised how secretly worried I was until I got the all clear!  
xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

well now you the all clear you dont need to worry about being worried! xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hello Lovely Ladies   - hope everyone well and looking forward to the weekend, despite the wet weather  

Congratulations Wombat           - so pleased for you    

Essie x


----------



## smurfy123

Yay wombat! Fantastic news!       

What's with the weather! Glad its the weekend! Off to zumba class now to wind down and get myself fit again!

All have a good weekend!


----------



## Shellebell

Hi girls


Don't forget there is a list of follow up appt questions in the info thread that is sticky at the top of the page   
Some clinics also allow you to send your list of questions (written or email) before your appt so they have all the answers, it might be worth you asking


----------



## EssieJean

Thanks Shellebell for the link - just what i've been looking for!  

Essie x


----------



## lou/s

fantastic news wombat  xxx


----------



## Chloe l

wombat - what fantastic news that's brilliant xxxx


----------



## Ficidy

Hi girls, I have just found this thread. I hope you don't mind if I join it. 

I was 10dp3dt today and my af arrived. I also did a test and got a BFN. I don't know how I feel - hopeless, lost and yet cautiously optimistic that we'll get there. I don't want to give up, but this is hard. Damn hard. Hoping to cycle again in October. It feels like a million years away...

Tired now, but I'll have a proper read of this thread tomorrow. I just popped on for a second tonight, as I needed to write down how I was feeling.


----------



## wombat13

thanks everyone for your congratulations - we are so happy and relieved and can't wait to get back on track now xxx  
I will still keep popping on here though to see how you are all doing! loads of   for us all for the future, and big wombat hugs for everyone   
love wombat x


----------



## Lightning

Hello there ladies finally I have found somewhere I belong! 

My ICI PGD cycle was abandoned on day of ET on Friday as none of my eggs biopsied as suitable for transfer.

Review appt 1st Aug then go back on the list to have 2nd and final tx she said the earliest it would be is Sept/Oct but I wont go on the list until after review appt argh I just wanna get going again!

xx


----------



## Chloe l

Good evening everyone, 

How was your Mondays? 

Ficidy - hello to you I am so very sorry to hear your AF has arrived I hope the pain eases soon for you & I hope this thread brings you some small comfort in knowing your not on your own all the ladies are fab on here.  

Lighting - hello to you as well sorry to read your post that must have been really tough. I am hoping to cycle again in Sept/ oct so we may even be cycle buddies , hoping the time whizzes by for us. I know what u mean about wanting to just get started again it's the waiting that's so hard .  

Well bye for now just going to have tea but wanted to say hi 

Hope everyone is doing "ok" 
Love Chloe x


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi all hope you had a good weekend!
Essie how did it go today...fill me in on every detail!
Ficidy I know how you feel I had my af 10dp3dt! It seems really early doesn't it   . It does get a little easier over the next few days, at least you are keeping positive it took me a few days before I could do that!
Afm well it was my otd today, I waited until the clinic was closed to leave a message. I know it's pathetic but it's like the end of the chapter today and officially admitting defeat, I feel really down about it. I've had my first round of ivf got absolutely no where, am still without a baby and back in limbo land waiting with no answers  
Xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Oh ceri, 

I'm sorry you feel down today I think OTD is a really hard day to get through when AF arrives early mine did too & I grieved all over again on OTD think I had been clinging on for some hope. Well done on getting through a ****ty day.  

Hope DH is looking after you , when do you have your follow up appointment ? 

Take care
Chloe xx


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi Chloe hope your doing okay! X dh is away in Germany fixing an aeroplane  he is home tomorrow but I could really do with a hug today. I haven had a follow up yet I suppose I will get one in the post?? Goodness knows how long it will be the wait for the next one is at east 9 months . 
What did they say in your follow up, did they say why af came so quickly? Xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Hi Ceri, 
My DH works on aeroplanes too at Rolls Royce small world. I haven't had my follow up appointment yet it's in the 13th July. I had to ring clinic to arrange it as we are private only 1 go on nhs with our pct. 

Hope your appt comes through soon for you xx

I am looking forward to answers as I had a grade 1 , 5 day blast and still bfn so am thinking it must be implantation hoping they will suggest something to help. 

Goodluck to u xx


----------



## Chloe l

Ceri , 

P.s here's some virtual hugs till DH gets back


----------



## ceri_gl

Thanks Hun! Our embryos were good too, we couldn't go to blast as our clinic won't allow it unless you have more than 8 eggs fertilized, but the morula we had was really good and she said the other embryo had no fragmentation and was good too. Maybe it's the same for us..... That's a bummer you can only have 1 I thought everyone had 2 now? The reason I have to wait for so long is cos in Wales it was only 1 go and then they said we could all have 2 so of course all the women who had 1 go now said we want another - I don't blame them - but now I have to wait ages so we too are thinking of going private. 9 months (at least) seems forever when you just had a bfn! Xxxx


----------



## rosiep

Hi ladies, 

Can I join you?

Feeling a bit sad as AF arrived today with gusto   We were only 5dp5dt so this seems really early to me.  Absolutley gutted that this hasn't worked and now feeling so pessimistic about future cycles. 

Help (said in a sort of weak, pathetic sort of voice).....


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Ceri * - aw how lovely of you to remember my appointment  I'm sorry you been feeling down today. Fingers crossed you don't have to wait too long for the next tx. Sending you lots of    and   

AFM i feel a bit deflated after today and i'm not sure why   I should be feeling positive (like DH). After having to wait an hour to see the Consultant he proceeded to tell us that it was "just one of those things"  . The last thing i wanted to hear. The eggs were good, although Grade 3, we got 4 and all 4 fertilised, so fertilisation was very good and the ET went smoothly. So what went wrong?? He couldnt say. All he said was that its not a question of IF i get pregnant but WHEN. Which i suppose should leave me feeling optimistic - and i would be if i was a millionaire and could afford to do it over and over again. I know its sounds silly but I'm half thinking i wish there was _something _ wrong with me so it could be put right and hey presto bfp! But no, everything was fine and dandy with me too  What's wrong with me, I should be pleased ?? The only other thing he said was next time he would increase my oestrogen and i've to have my thyroids checked out. I asked about the lying down thing as we were up and out and had a very long bumpy drive back home. I mentioned abroad they have you lie down for 2 hours. He reckons and i'm sure he should know, that there is no need. Then again, implantation didnt take place so..............??

There's a waiting list of 4-6 months which will take us to October(is/h) and i think that's another reason why i feel deflated, because of the long wait ahead (I'm so impatient to get started!) and its brought the feelings of grief back that it didnt happen this time. TBH I'll be glad to get back into a "normal" routine and focus on getting myself fit again (physically and mentally) for our next cycle.

Apologies for the long post 

Hope everyone else okay and hello to *Ficidy * and *Lightening * -   to you both - so very sorry for the bfn and cancelled ET, I hope the days go quick and your sadness lifts with each passing day . Looks like there could be a few of us cycling at the same time. And hello to *Rosiep * - so sorry for your bfn too - sending you lots of   - It's a devastating time - i hope you'll find some comfort and support ono this thread - We're all here for each other and its been a massive help to me


----------



## ceri_gl

So sorry Rosie   . Im quite new on here but The girls are fab you will get plenty of support! 
It does seem early that, but I suppose it's different for everyone.
You will feel a bit better everyday I promise xxx  
Hi essie, your exactly like me dh is positive I always see the ifs and butts. I wish they would say a reason too, this Unexplained nonsense is the flipping worst! How can they fix you if they dont know what is wrong? They say its nothing but we arent pregnant are we!   Like you said we haven't got an endless money pot to dip in to! My wait is 9 months prob add another couple on top of that's too! It seems like forever, so we are thinking of exploring other options now. Anyway rant over....bad day!   xxxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Ceri - I hope you have a better day tomorrow and get lots of well needed    from DH.  9 months is horribly long.  Whatever road you decide to go down I hope its a less bumpy road and brings you the happiness you deserve  

Essie x


----------



## smurfy123

Hi everyone.

Hope your Monday has gone ok.  

Lightening & Ficidy -     to you both. Everyone is so supportive and lovely on here. Take time to grieve and get your head round things and spend lots of quality time with your other halves. 

Ceri -    to you. So sorry you have had a bad day. Hope tomorrow is a brighter one for you.

Essie - consultants never do say things the way we want them too do they. It sounds really positive for next time round though. I know October seems far away but it will come round quicker than you think. Focus on getting fit for next time round.   

My DH is always positive too - he keeps telling me not to dwell on what's happened but to look 
forward instead.  I do keep trying to but its so hard with being up one day then down another.  

AFM - went to zumba again tonight - definitely trying to lose some weight and get fit again for next time round. Got counselling appt date through today so hope that will help me sort myself out and get my head round things more.

Night everyone! Let's hope tomorrow is a brighter day for us all.


----------



## Chloe l

Morning all you inspiring ladies ,

*Essie* well it sounds like your consultant feels strongly that you will get pregnant & fingers crossed this next one will be the one. Try to think positively it's all we can do sending u some  I do understand the feelings of deflated we pin so much on each stage & then when we get there it can feel a disappointment I'm sorry there was no clear answer as to why it didn't work , but in some 
ways I think that's a good sign it means you really should get pg
next time. Sorry u have to wait till October to get started it does feel 
like a long time maybe we will be cycle buddies I hope so your such 
an amazing person essie and you have helped me so much I want
to witness your BFP next time !!! Xxxxx

*Roseip* - oh honey I am gutted for u was so sad to hear your
news we were on the may/june cycle buddies thread , there ate a few of us on here , so so sorry to see you on this thread it's truly devasting I hope u are ok ? We are all here for you


----------



## Chloe l

Sorry on my phone & it keeps going funny ,

*Smurfy * well done on going to Zumba u can motivate all of us to get fit! So far I have done 1 yoga class I need to do more exercise , thinking of joining our local small gym ah ah but needs must hey

*Ceri* - yes I agree 9 months is a very long wait I am sorry , thanks for your message wishing u all the best whichever route u decide to take & hope the time whizzes past for u x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Smurfy * and *Chloe * - thank you both for you kind words 

*Smurfy * - It's easy for DHs to say to look forward, as I say to my DH, it wasnt his mind and body that when through all the changes, although i do appreciate he went through the mill too by watching me go through it all and not being able to do anything about it. If he says "just think of it as one long journey" one more time I think i will   Well done on the Zumba by the way - I've looked into it but looks a bit too energetic for me  Work colleagues laugh at me as i've a tendancy to "research" exercise but never actually do any  - Hope today is a good day for you 

Hey *Chloe * - you almost make me cry with your kind words  I hope we do cycle together, you've been such a great support to me too. I feel a bit more optimistic today and focusing my mind on ways to raise the spondulies and decorating the house - lots to keep my mind distracted  Have a good day 

Essie x


----------



## ceri_gl

Essie glad you feel a bit better today, always better to feel up than down!

Smurfy well done on the Zumba, I've tried it and it's fun. Must get backside into gear and start again soon!

Chloe that's okay, you prob knew anyway but sometimes a little info helps I am sure we all get told a little bit of a massive story!!

Afm well another crap day, just can't seem to shift this cloud since otd has passed. Plus looked out the window last night and the young couple who live opposite were outside, she had a bit of a bump and was rubbing her belly so I think she is pregnant. It's really hit me for 6, why can't it be me? My boss is back tomorrow too and he has just become a grandad so I will have to endure a day of baby talk. My friend tried to show me sympathy today and said my time will come, it was all too much so I burst into tears at my desk. Still dh due back from Germany any minute and my little puppy tries his best to cheer me up bless him. I'm sure the chin will be up again soon....well I hope so anyway!!!
Love to you all xxxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Ceri, just seen your post - so sorry to hear you've been struggling lately. It's hard enough working through your grief without having to endure expectant ladies and new additions to families at every turn. Nor does it help being told our time will come, as i've been told too - I just want to *screeeaaaamm *  .

Each day it does get a little more bearable, it just takes time. Most days i'm okay as its been a month since otd but just out of the blue for no reason at all i'll burst into tears 

Are you still going to the open day on the 10th July? When is your follow up appointment? Perhaps you feel better equipped to focus on the future once you've spoken to your consultant.

I'm glad to hear your DH is due back. I hate to think of you on your own, I know you have your puppy but i think cuddles of a non-canine nature are of great need  

Hope tomorrow you feel a bit brighter  

Essie x


----------



## lou/s

hi big  to all this really does have its ups and down days but im allways glad i can tap into here and all you  ladies for guidance and support. 
today i got a promotion at work but then recieved 4 pregnancy announcments in one day!!!!! someone up there sure must have it in for me hey tomorrows a new day!!!love to all


----------



## EssieJean

Good morning lovely ladies  

Oh lou/s, no wonder you feel up and down - like i said before, i'm sure someone up there has saved up  all the pregnancy announcements just to throw them in our faces    I think everyone of us have had a taste of that experience!

Hey ho - i hope today is a better day and you can fully relish in your promotion - congratulations!!  

Hope everyone has a bright and lovely day  

Essie x


----------



## lou/s

thanks essie hope your ok


----------



## Frangipanii

Please can i join this thread, bfn on otd which was on monday. Af just arrived, oh joy. Next treatment booked, four weeks till we go again. Will catch up with thread properly tomorrow. 
X c


----------



## purplepeak

Evening ladies,

Babyjellybaby, so sorry to see you on teh bfn thread. We spoke on some other threads and it's lovely to 'see' you but of course I'd much rather you'd got your bfp!

Chloe, Smurfy, EssieJean, Staceyemma, thank you *so* much for all your kind words to me. I've not been on ff  but have now just read back over the thread. 

Afm, I went away after bfn. Got a last minute package holiday for a week. Which perhaps sounds a bit odd but basically it just meant that dh and i spent a week together doing nothing more than lying in the sunshine, and hte sun helped a lot. The last time i got bfn i was just straight back to work, adn i think i didn't process it properly at all. This time i cried a lot more but i think it was better for me, and I'll be more ready to face the rest of the fight. We've got to decide where to do our next cycle. Wondering about travelling all the way to AGRC cos it's supposed to be good for sperm morphol problems. Would wipe us out financially, and be difficult as we live in the north east, but maybe it's time to do that now ... But still don't know. Will think about it properly soon. When we feel ready.

Well, I've read all the last pages, and I'm inspired by you ladies. Take care everyone. 

P x


----------



## ceri_gl

Lou/s hard day for you, congrats on the promotion and hope today was better!
Waiting so sorry to hear of your bfn, big hugs to you xx
Purple peak, I don't blame you going away, just what is needed I think!!! We are going to Cornwall for 10 days next week and I can't wait for the break away!

Afm I'm feeling a bit better now, I actually had my follow up appointment today too...roll on 6th August!
Lots of love to you all xxxxx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Hi purple and all of you hope you are all as good as you can be.

So now two weeks since bfn and bought myself some ovulation test kits! Yes like that's going to work! But trying to convince myself if it did would save loads of money.

Have been quite down but continue to put the brave face on at work where they don't know (i work in lots of different places )and actually think that helps!

Seem to be feeling better this week though talking about booking a holiday is giving me something to look forward to in September then thinking about going private in October want to be able to enjoy my hols as feel had two months of cutting things out and really want to enjoy my holiday! Selfish yes but need to get myself in the right frame of mind to go again now I actually know what the process will entail!

Still wince and get frustrated when I see pregnant girls at work probably more so than babies! Thinking could have been me!

Follow up not till 9 th so still writing questions I want answering and is getting longer but really want to be convinced it is worth trying again. 

For those of you who weren't around only one fertilised out of seven so quite concerned not as straight forward as dh issues.

So lovely to know you are all here and know you really are the only ones that know exactly what my thoughts and feelings are every day when you have your brave smiling face on.

Xxxxxxx


----------



## smurfy123

Hi everyone,

hope you are all ok  

Purplepeaks - know what you mean about wanting to go away and be on your own together....am so glad me and DH didn't cancel our holiday before treatment so we were on our own with total strangers when found out BFP became BFN.  It was easier to shut ourselves away when we wanted to and not get asked questions about me crying all the time! 

Babyjellybaby - good luck with follow up appointment - you will have to give me tips for questions for when I go on 19th!  Have printed the questions from this thread off - really useful!!!!  Get yourself a holiday booked and use the time to get your head round things (my brain is still mush!!)     Know what you mean about putting brave face on in work - people ask how you are and its so hard to keep smiling and pretending things are fine and dandy - just feel like keeping myself to myself most of the time lately. 

Lou/S - fantastic news about your promotion   - so sorry you have had a bad time with all the pregnancy talk though (it seems to be around every corner doesn't it!) 

AFM - been really energetic this week and did zumba again last night - am soooo determined to get my weight back down a bit more for next time round (put on 1/2 stone so really need to get rid of it all!)  Feeling a bit hormonal too still as had massive spot breakout and greasy skin - haven't been like that since I was a teenager!   Feeling bit more positive this week though and me and DH have been talking about getting a little dog to keep us company.


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Know what you mean about keeping yourself to yourself!

Yes me too skin is awful put it down to weather and alchohol I have been consuming! But guess could still be hormones and drugs we were on!

Night xx


----------



## rosiep

Hi ladies,

Babyjelly and Purplepeak - completely agree that a holiday is a good idea.  My DH and I booked a trip to America for the summer as 'insurance' in case IVF didn't work.  So we are off in August. Mind you, now we actually need that money for our next cycle but hey ho! 

Smurfy - go girl....that sounds very energetic!

Is there anyone on this thread having treatment at CRM Coventry? 

AFM - been very up and down.  Yesterday didn't cry all day!! Today , been a complete wreck.  DH is away with work and I just lost the plot a bit.  Mind you we had a long chat on the phone and he really made me feel a bit better and more positive.  

Am off to the clinic tomorrow as I need bloods done to see if my blood concentration (after possible OHSS) has gone back to normal.  Am desperate to stop taking Clexane injections and wearing stupid socks.  It is all a bit odd, as I had no other real symptoms (just a bit achy in the ovaries) and yet ended up in hospital for 3 days.  Slightly worried that my blood has always been weird and they just didn't spot it to start!!  Just can't wait to finally bring a close to this cycle and have a VERY LARGE glass of red wine


----------



## Frangipanii

Anyone want to give me pdg advice? Confused! Should I bother!? 
Also anyone considered surrogacy got any info for me!
Sorry for 'me' questions. Really struggling - felt more positive with m/c - why i dont know! Stupid I know!
xxxxx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Hi waiting what's pgd? X


----------



## smurfy123

Rosiep    to u! 

Hope u feel more positive soon...this whole process really knocks the stuffing out of u doesn't it. Keep looking forward to your hol to America. That sounds fantastic!!!
Waiting - what's pgd?   (feel like I should know but get mixed up with abbreviations)
Hello to everyone else on here too!


----------



## Chloe l

morning everyone,

Thinking of u all & hope your all doing ok.

*Purplepeak * welcome back from your holiday I think it was a brilliant idea to go away & have some sunshine & time with DH to recover i hope you are feeling a little stronger now. Sending u a hug 

*Babyjellybaby * really sad to see you on this thread I am so sorry for your BFN there are no words but we are all here for u hope your managing to hang on in there.

*Smurfy* well done on the zumba class I do think exercise helps our mood & positive thinking aswell as keeping us fit physically we should all try to do some more, u can help motivate us as your doing so well.

*Ceri* is DH back from Germany yet? What kind of puppy have u got ? I do think they help we have a shihtzu & she's fab I adore her so much.

*Waiting x* sorry I don't have any words of wisdom to share but did want to say hello to you 

*Rosiep* hope your feeling a bit better ? X

Hi to anyone I've missed on my phone so hard to look back. Afm well still having up & down days & busy trying to sort out finances for the next cycle it's a bit of a nightmare. Has everyones AF gone back to normal after their BFN ? Cos mine hasn't !!! I had a bleed day 10 after transfer then I've had nothing for the past 5 weeks .

On a lighter note went to a safari yesterday for trip out & really cheered us up seeing all the animals x

Love to you all
Chloe x


----------



## purplepeak

Hi ladies,
Safari sounds great, Chloe. I agree animals are a great way to cheer up - wild ones or the dog at home. Rosie, American holiday sounds fabulous. 
Babyjellybaby, well done on the positive thinking, and ovulation testing. As Chloe says, cycle may be all over the place after bfn, so don't worry too much if ovulation doesn't come when you think it should. Me and dh are just going for the sex-all-the-time-just-in-case approach at the moment - think our holiday in the sunshine brought his mojo back big-time and I'm def not complaining 
Waiting, I don't know much about this, but isn't pgd pre-screening embryos before they're put back? There seem to be a number of methods. A friend of mine (who works in genetics, so understands this stuff) said array cgh might be a good method, cos it can actually count the number of chromosomes on the embryo, as well as looking at it to check it looks ok in other ways. But there are other methods too. it looks like nhs clinics generally don't do them. Different private clinics seem to do different screening methods, and you have to pay extra. I think they're recommended if they think either the eggs are of poor quality or the sperm are of poor quality. The idea is to know that the embryo you're putting back is actually viable, then if it doesn't stick it's an implantation issue. Pregnancy rates with these methods are higher, cos they've ruled out putting back an embryo that wasn't viable in the first place. I find that pretty appealing, cos we have sperm morphol issues, and it's frustrating to think the embryos we're putting back might never have stood a chance in teh first place. 
Love to all. I hope you're all doing well.
PX


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi,

Hi *Babyjellybaby, and Smurfy123 * PGD is pre-implantation genetic diagnosis also known as embryo screenin, purplepeak sums it up well really. Supposed to be a good treatment for people who have genetic issues or multiple m/c like me. *Purplepeak * - I think you have really helped, you see we get good blastocysts but I have immune problems and some blood issues, but they dont seem to stay implanted for very long, so going for pgd could save time. Money isnt an issue and I am 35 so I think it is a good idea, However out of 5 blasts 3 took for a little at least so maybe we would get a positive result with the changes to my meds - ie immunes and blood work. I completely agree with your philosphy about them standing a chance, it could be so worth it for both of us by the sounds of it!Also loving your trying it natural idea - no point us doing that although it would help the  but I have NOOOOOO feelings in that departement at all, may have to work on that! um, ........how!?if it isnt there it isnt there!?.... 
*Chloe,* which safari did you go to - I agree animals are healing! We have just booked Edinburgh zoo, we are going up there for three nights, we did after our last ivf too, although not staying at the zoo! 
U have to do something different I feel. Wish it was a longer holiday like some of the rest of you are having but it will do! I absoluteluy adore it up there as does the dh!
Hi to all the rest of you ladies, thanks for welcome.
Just sat on couch with one of worst AFs from a pain perspective, still on steroids so still feel gross. Got review on Thursday and then starting treatment next cycle - had to cancel 3 days at olympics because it will fall on next treatment so pretty peed off about that, although still going to Olympic ceremony! so hopefully that will be great!
hope you all have a lovely sunday! xxxxx


----------



## purplepeak

*Waiting,* sounds like you're doing lots of stuff, like immunes, and now hopefully PGD. Do you mind me asking which clinic you're at and what you think of it? We are trying to decide where next. We're entitled to one more NHS, and dh thinks we should use it, not just because of money but also because of not having to travel out of the north-east where we're based; but after two failed cycles I wonder if there's much point doing another nhs where there will be no PGD or immunes or anything more complex than a basic ICSI cycle, i.e. it is probable at this stage that there is some problem rather than just being unlucky with implantation twice? And given we know there are morphol issues it is likely that we may be putting back bad embryos? I work from home mostly so could potentially base myself somewhere else for a while. Would all be lonely (and expensive) but worth it if it works. And while we were doing another local nhs cycle perhaps my amh and egg store would be declining - how fast does that happen anyway? I was AMH 13.5 last year. At least I guess we should get sperm dna frag test done to get a better sense of how bad the problem is. One of the hardest parts of all this is the decisions - if it all doesn't work I want to be able to look back and know I did everything I could and made the best possible decisions. Sorry - that turned into a slightly long explanation! But would be good to hear where you're cycling. 
Anyway, as for feelings in 'that department', I would try not to worry too much. The whole IVF thing can definitely have negative effects on it, I think, certainly it did for us at times, especially because dh got horribly stressed by the ovulation timing thing; i suppose I'm happy things are going well now precisely because at times it has been difficult! I'm sure it'll come back to you. 
Enjoy Edinburgh - great idea.

XX


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Purplepeak, I have to say your mentallity sounds similar to mine - I want the same thing - to know that if it never works I have done everything -although I am fat and awful at loosing weight but starting that tomorrow!
We are at Care Manchester which I have to say I like, although we have been there that long now the staff know us by first names. I am on my third consultant - this one is my favourite - she is very proactive and supportive. We got a little upset with them after our first FET (although different consultant) as me and DH both knew there was something wrong in my uterus- i mean we managed to have a 15week pregnancy in the wrong place with a baby that was perfectly formed for the stage why could I not do the same in the womb. But they said we didnt need the testing which evidently we did! However the consultant we have now I find fantastic - she has rung me at home, she explains everything in understandable terms! and she understand we want to be proactive and not try now find out later. The rest of the staff there are just wonderful! 
I am not really aware of AMH testing but to me I think the knowlegde that you have the better angle you can approach the problems. 
hope that helps!
As for the 'department' i think i will try and boost my selfesteem before edinburgh and maybe i can manage to feel some sexiness! problem is I am 'living' or lack of living for IVF. I have taken time out of my career to have a baby - no matter how long it takes but unfortunately being unproductive is soul destroying, i have lost all energy and motivation for anything, I spent a week at a boot camp lots loads of weight had loads of energy but this cycle has killed it. Going to try for my first run tomorrow! only three miles but it is a start! 
I hope that my advice helped a bit. Isnt north east to manchester about 3+ hours, you could stay in a hotel the odd night rather than moving etc. 
anyway pm if you want any more info! xxx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Waiting you sound really fed up hon you need a hug. Xx

Think my bfn slightly before yours so have moved on however obviously not been through what you already have from your sig!

Things I have found have helped! 

Having something to look forward to - booked the holiday yesterday new York and cruise to Bahamas! Soooo excited Has helped bring us together again making the decision. And that has helped in the bedroom! 

Reading 'the' books not sure if you heard about fifty shades but helped me get my head stuck into something else for a while!

Not sure if these will help you but feeling more positive and have other things to organise/ think about don't get me wrong haven't forgotten but need the break


Xx


----------



## set55

Hi Ladies

Not posted in a while but have been watching you all like a little stalker  .
Not posted cos i've got nothing going on.  I'm collecting my blood tests results on tues but then not sure what to do after that wait and see i suppose.  
Having had a bfn a while ago (April) compared to some of you other ladies although the disappointment doesn't go away and i still feel like a failure, cos my body doesn't do what i want it to, things have got easier and it is easier for me to focus on what to do next and not dwell too much on what has happened cos i can't change this. 
Totally agree with having a break/holiday i felt i couldn't go straight into another cycle, i admire u ladies that march straight in.  We have a holiday booked for sept (fly on 11th maybe not a good move  ) and will do next treatment after that.
This week Olympic torch is coming will hopefully be able to see it on tues although it does go right past the end of my road on weds but i'm at work!!! 
Anyway chin up ladies we are all strong just look at what we've coped with already and our past experiences will only make us stronger   &   &    to all 
kisses


----------



## purplepeak

Hi ladies,

I was just reading up on stuff and wanted to correct something I said a few posts back, just in case it misleads anyone. It is PGS that is the screening of embryos for chromosomal abnormalities to see how viable they are (PGD is screening for inherited diseases). 

Set, thanks for the lovely positive message. What blood tests are you having - immunes? All teh best to you. 

Babyjellybaby, your holiday sounds amazing!

P X


----------



## pinky8232

Hiya ladies I hope your all well sorry Ive not posted in ages but have been stalking you all lol  

Its only been a month since my m/c & I have my date for my next cycle   So I'm off to the July/Aug thread.
I hope you all don't have to long to wait till your next cycles, for those of you who have booked your holidays, have a brilliant & relaxing time  (have had to postpone booking mine until after this cycle now ) 

The best of luck to you all & I hope a BFP is just around the corner for us all!  

xxxPinky xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Great news pinky!  Sending lots of luck to you for your next cycle     xxx


----------



## purplepeak

I am crossing everything for you Pinky. I can't wait to see you announce your BFP on here.
XX


----------



## rosiep

Good luck Pinky - hope it all goes swimmingly this time round


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Can I join you please.  We got a   from our 2nd cycle of treatment yesterday, and are now looking at other clinics.  I can't quite get my head fully around the news yet, but I am sure it will fully hit me at some point.    At the moment, it keeps coming at me in bits, and will be phoning the clinic this week to book a follow up appt.

xx

p.s. I recognise some of the names on here from my last cycle.  So it will be good to catch up.


----------



## rosiep

Hi Susan, I know I said before but so sorry to ehar about your BFN.  My OTD was yesterday too -  lets hope our next OTD will be luckier!  Are you moving clinics because you were unhappy with your last one or do you just fancy a change?  Take care x


----------



## Chloe l

Evening ladies, 

How are you all doing? 

Susan- sorry to hear about your BFN sending you a massive hug . 

Pinky - congratulations on the date for your next cycle wishing you all the luck in the world for your next cycle honey praying this will be the one ! 

Purplepeak - hello lovely to see you on here again x

Waiting - I went to the west midlands safari park was fab x 

Chloe


----------



## Leah66

Hi ladies

We failed our 2nd ICSI last week, I'm doing ok in myself, Im handling it better than the first time.

Just a question (too much info coming up)   
I have finished my period    from this cycle now but have started seeping milk from my nipples!  Something I have never experienced before!
Has anyone had this after a BFN?
I'm wondering if it could be a side effect from all the drugs but surely they would be out of my system now?

Any answers? 

Love Leah x


----------



## jennyes2011

Hi there,
Can I join you x 
A week ago we got our 3rd BFN from a frozen cycle 
Its slowly sinking in at the moment but we are already looking forward to our next fresh cycle (last NHS cycle) at a new clinic in September. 
Everything seems to be getting me down at the moment but getting by. We have had antibiotics to clear out an infection (ureaplasma, and hidden-C) so we are hoping this has had a positive impact on my DH sperm (generally low). I'm trying to be more healthy.
Life feels a bit empty - like were missing something - doing the same thing day in day out, and I can feel the seconds ticking by..I keep thinking about how the last few years have flew by.
My husband comes home in a bad mood and we don't talk - or he goes mad with me for one reason or another. Other times we have hugged each other and talked about what we are going to do.
Its all a bit crap really.

Leah - that milk thing - I got that too. Looked it up - its all to do with prolactin levels - were you on progynova or any other estrogen type drug? This can raise prolactin levels. Otherwise perhaps speak to your GP/clinic they could test your prolactin levels? I think stress can cause it.

Hope you all are OK xxx Jenny xxx


----------



## ceri_gl

Hi Chloe, not been on here for a while so didn't see your post! Yeah he came back from germany so feeling a bit better now! We are off to cornwall for 10 days tomorrow, I will be glad for the break! We have a cavalier king Charles spaniel he is adorable sooooo cute, his name is Kenny! They are fab, we got him in November, we talked about getting a puppy and dh said we should get one before the ivf started and to be honest he has really helped me. When your down lower than ever a puppy can't fail to make you smile!! Hope you okay and enjoyed the safari park!

Hope everyone else is well and keeping their chins up! Sorry to see the new girls and your bfn  it does get a little easier with time xxxx


----------



## Chloe l

Ceri, 
I totally agree dogs are amazing they really pick up on our feelings too they are so sensitive. I couldn't have got through the tough days without our little doggie she is sooo cute & always on hand for cuddles. My first ever dog as a child was a king Charles they are lovely natured glad kenny is looking after you when DH is away. 
Enjoy Cornwall it's a beautiful part of the country hope the sun comes out to shine for you , I'm doing ok counting down the days till my follow up appointment now 10 days to go! 

Chloe x


----------



## purplepeak

Susan and Jenny, I'm really sorry to see you on the BFN thread. My heart goes out to you both and sending you   . The whole fertility thing is just horrible. And it's hard to get the post-cycle grieving right, I think. I thought I'd 'done' it but this week I've woken up at 2 or 3 am every day crying, and not gone back to sleep at all. Am becoming completely dysfunctional and wondering how long I can keep up with my job at this rate ... It's tough on relationships, as well, isn't it? I feel for you on that Jenny. Things are pretty good with my dh at the moment but there have been low patches, in our case mostly caused by me being depressed I think, rather than him - he's blessed with a pretty sunny disposition, even through all this, although he did get horribly stressed about timed sex at one point. And I've been in a really bad place for my birthday and our wedding anniversary in the last few days, so feel bad about not being able to celebrate better for dh. Anyway, probably enough rambling from me. 

Jenny, we spoke before on a NE thread - maybe you remember. Anyway, your two clinics are the same as mine. So, I just wanted to say that, although my cycle at the new one still failed, I am very glad I made the change. I really think you will find the new clinic a massive improvement on the old one. They are more prepared to vary the protocol to try to suit your circumstances. And they also treat you like a human being, with a generally compassionate and kind way of speaking to you, rather than the sausage-factory approach (I have never felt so like a lump of meat as at the first clinic). By the end of my cycle, they were saying hello to me and my name as I walked through the door - it's all much less anonymous - and everyone was really kind. I may change but only because I've been told blastocysts better for sperm morphol problems and so now seems like the time to try that. Anyway, very very best of luck. On another note, Jenny, can I ask: how did you go about finding out about the ureaplasma and hidden C? Did you ask your gp to test? Are they the immune level 1s? I should do that too, I guess, since it's one more thing ruled out. 

P XX


----------



## purplepeak

On another note, ladies, I was just wondering about freezing. We had 'middling quality' embryos but the clinic said they were not good enough to freeze. Is that normal? I am wondering if other clinics freeze 'middling' ones, or if all clinics basically do this the same way.
Thanks for any info you might have!
PX


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Morning girls

Good luck pinky xx

Sorry to see you Susan and Jenny but welcome.
Susan seen you on other threads you at Leeds? Am interested cos so am I and hadn't really thought about moving? Any specific reasons? 

Purple sorry to hear your struggling amazing how you think everything is going absolutely fine then smacks you in the face! Had to sit a listen to a pregnant lady at work moaning about being pregnant the other day. Won't tell you what's felt like shouting at her but sure you can guess!
Hope you start to feel better soon. Dh sounds really supportive am amazed that I really felt frustrated with him throughout treatment as felt he didn't understand and maybe give as much tlc as I would have liked but now seems to have brought us much closer and even are our relationship even stronger!  X

Ceri have a fab time hope the weathers good but even if not sure you will have a fab break x

Chloe think our appointments are close mine is next Monday.....I just keep writing down all the questions that pop up in my mind sometimes in the middle of the night....could be a long appointment!

Hi Rosie hope your doing ok....

Hi to everyone else I have missed

Xx


----------



## smurfy123

Hi everyone,

not been on for a while - so much seems to have happened on here!

Babyjellybaby - good luck with your appointment on Monday    Hope you get some answers.

Purplepeaks     so sorry you are having a hard time.  Try and stay positive (know its really hard to).  I keep having ups and downs too - feel ok then suddenly go tearful for no reason!  

AFM - myself and DH are getting ready to pick up a little beagle puppy dog on Friday - can't wait.  Went to see him last weekend and he is absolutely gorgeous.  Both fell head over heals for him!  I didn't realise how miserable I must have been as my mother-in-law told DH it was so good to see me smile and laugh as I hadn't in such a long time (didn't realise what I had been like - have been trying so hard to put a brave face on and not show everyone how down I've felt).  
Hello to all the new girls on here.      - this thread is so supportive and everyone makes you feel 'unalone' in all of this.


----------



## smurfy123

PS posted last post before I meant to!

Meant to say hello to all the new girls on here     to you.  Everyone on here is so supportive of each other.

Chloe - hope you enjoyed the safari park!


----------



## lou/s

Oh smurfy I am sojealous A puppy beagle that Is just what the doctor ordered so amazing how much better they càn make things allways there for you don't no where I would of been on my 2ww without my cocker spaniel Alfie he is nearly 4 now I would love another but dh says no! 
Hope everyone else is doing ok  
Afm I have just booked a holiday going to turkey in 2wweks for a week get away from this weather!! Then hope to go for fet in August. 
 to all xx


----------



## starting out

Just wondering if I could join in here. I have a blood test tomorrow but know it will be a BFN as I have tested and not even a hint of a line. We had a FET with embies from our icsi cycle that resulted in our son. I know we have been so lucky to have him already but I just can't seem to pick myself up. How do we decide what to do next. Do we take a few months off and hopefully I loose the weight ye lovely steroids have put on or do we try and go sooner rather than later. Also I had some issues with the pill not working at the begining of my cycle that I had never had before so I'm not sure if I should see about some investigations into why this was.


----------



## purplepeak

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for all the support. You're fabulous   

Chloe and Babyjellybaby, I've got my appointment next week as Wednesday. (In fact I nearly had Monday too but it was the day before a conference I'm organising Tuesday, and I thought combined stress might just make my head explode.) I'm busy writing my list of questions too. After the first cycle, I got in there, felt all intimidated by the doctor (who, it has to be said, was not the nicest of the doctors - previously she had told me to 'waste your money if you like' when I asked about vitamin supplements), and didn't ask my questions properly. So now I'm scared I won't manage to insist on asking them all this time either. All the doctors are nice at this clinic, so hopefully I will, but I still always feel like the stupid patient asking stupid questions ... Anyway, I hope you're both braver than me, and it goes really well on Monday.

Smurfy, little beagle dog sounds absolutely wonderful. I love my dog to bits. I work at home mostly, which has been hard during this process, but my dog is always there to cheer me up! 

Lou, hope you have a fabulous time in Turkey. Going on hols definitely helped us a lot - relaxing in the sunshine gave us some positive vibes which will make us stronger for the next cycle.

Hello Startingout. I'm really sorry to hear about your BFN but welcome. It's difficult to decide when to go ahead again, isn't it? But it sounds like maybe you'd rather do some further investigations first, if only to put your mind at rest? I'm never sure about the whole starting-again thing anyway - some clinics seem to say to wait a few cycles whereas others (mine included) seem happy for you to get back on the rollercoaster straight away ...

Afm, I actually slept properly last night for the first time this week, so am feeling more human, if a little groggy. Maybe I will actually get some proper work done today ...

Love to all
PX


----------



## jennyes2011

Hi purplepeak  yes I remember you  I found out about the ureaplasma and hidden-c via a clinic in Greece called Serum. Just google it - and send an email to the contact us. Ask them about the PCR test for ureaplasma, mycoplasma, and chlamydia.  They should send you the information. That might be a factor if your DH has sperm morphology problems as I have read that infections can cause that - they can also cause DNA fragmentation - but we have never been tested for that so don't know if thats an issue for is (although probably is since my husbands sperm parameters were so low). Also, I have put my husband on a high dose of pine bark extract and lycopene.  I found a few studies that showed pine bark extract to increase morphology, and I read about the lycopene. They are both high antioxidants. Plus, he is on high dose vit C and vit E now. Since the antibiotics and the tablets we have had no sperm test result, but will be getting one soon so will let you know if there were any improvements. 
xxx


----------



## purplepeak

Thanks so much Jenny!
XX


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning purplepeak, 

I was glad to read your feeling a little better I think managing to get a good nights sleep does really help. Sounds like we are all dog lovers on here which is fab! I too will be going in armed with a zillion questions I figure we are paying for it right ? Don't feel bad asking questions I think we all ask a lot because it matters so much & it's the only way we learn a good consultant will be happy to answer I hope! Good luck for your appointment next week mine is on Friday 13th really hope that's not an omen ! 

Smurfy- wow a puppy how wonderful I think that's the best news & a great decision ! You are going to be so happy they make you smile every day & there love is unconditional I have become so attached to Mia she practically never leaves my side, I also work part time from home taking a career break after all DH treatment & now the IVF but am doing a project at the mo to help fund the next cycle. 

Essie- I don't know if you are still reading this thread haven't heard from you in a while , hoping that life us going well for you & you are busy. Thinking of you & miss your posts keep in touch if u can but understand if u need a break for a bit kits of love Chloe x 

Hello to all the new ladies wish we were on another thread together but we will get there have hope 

Love to you all, 
Chloe x


----------



## starting out

Yeah I think I'll get them to look into why I bled so much on the pill at the start especially since it never happened before.


----------



## purplepeak

p.s. Jenny, my dh is taking pycnogenol (brand Healthy Origins) - that's the same as the pine bark, right? or is the one you're doing something different? 

Chloe, you're right about the questions (technically I'm not paying them, cos the nhs still are, but they're getting paid through me nonetheless) - I will put my brave face on xx


----------



## Chloe l

Lou, enjoy turkey sounds like just what you need some sunshine & time away then you can come back to your snow babies xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hey Chloe!!  I'm here!  Been keeping up with everyone (just about - its such a busy thread) and lurking behind the scenes as it were.  Thank you for your lovely email.  I'm good thanks.  More good days than not now, just a couple of wobbles here and there.  Keeping busy, trying to raise the cash for our next go    Other than that not much to report - Oh, actually, yes, I've finally managed to get back into my jeans    - my tummy swelled out so much due to the meds i thought i'd never get into them again  

Hope you, DH and Mia are all well and keeping the   vibes.  You're trip to the Safari sounded fab by the way!  How are you doing with this continuous journey?

Thanks again for the lovely message  

Hello to all the new ladies here - hope you're finding great comfort and support from this thread as I did (and still do)  

Hello to all that i've 'met' before - hope everyone doing well  

Must dash - supposed to be working!!!!  
Essie
x


----------



## Chloe l

Yey Essie your back! 

Soooo nice to hear from you again was worried you had left or were having a hard time glad to hear that you are having mostly good days. Well done for getting back into your jeans ! I too swelled up so much I actually did look pregnant but seems to be going down a little I think what's left is from eating too much ice cream & chocolate really need to cut back again now. The safari was really good we decided a treat was in order & went for the day & it cheered us both up. I had a low day the other day when my AF arrived as it reminded me of the fact it hadn't worked but then I felt better cos it meant my cycle is starting to regulate itself again so that's good. I'm focusing on my follow up appointment a week Tom & hoping they will confirm when we can start again. We have also been juggling money & loans to fund the next go & we have a plan inplace now which makes me feel better gonna worry about paying back the loan later one thing at a time! Hope it's not crippling you I do think it's an added pressure we could all do without. 

Anyway back to work for me too but soooo pleased to hear from you I will never forget how you helped me get through the worst day ever thank you xxx


----------



## set55

evening ladies

those of u speaking of swollen bellies mine is still with me after three months!! it won't go away.  

got my blood tests results that i had done thr gp things like thyroid clotting etc they were all in the normal range so now what next? should i sent these to my clinic to look at? don't really want to get any more immune tests done mainly cos there seems to be alot of evidence for and against them and don't want to waste more money.

any thoughts?


----------



## EssieJean

Aw *Chloe*, bless you - sorry for having worried you. I may not post as often as i did before but i'm still here and thinking of you. Thank you for your lovely comment. It was such a devastating time - you helped me too, more than you realise 

Good to hear you've a plan prepared and not long now for your follow up - gees it's taken so long to come hasnt it? I think i'd have gone  waiting so long. At least then you'll have a clear idea on where you are going -before our follow up i felt i was walking in the dark with no real path to follow. I feel much more focused now and hope you get the same satisfaction out of your appointment too.

As for tummy troubles *Set*, mine hasnt completely gone, though i can wear my jeans again. I'm usually a 10 (sadly not an 8 as in my 20's) and tried on some jeans to treat myself. I took a 12 in and they didnt go beyond my knees!!  I really need to exercise but just not motivated at all, so sticking with healthy eating for a while a couple of sit ups. You made me think though because my Consultant has suggested a thyroid test in case that had something to do with me getting a bfn, and i now wonder whether it also has something to do with me not being able to shift the extra weight - but as you say, your results came back normal, so i guess i'm just rambling and don't really have any idea    I hope you get some answers as i know how frustrating it can be 

Essie x


----------



## lou/s

Thanks Chloe can't wait! 
Essie glad your having more better days now 
Think it helps almost to have next step to focus on whether it be saving money having a holiday ect each of things is a step hopefully towards what we all want and deserve.
It seems some have had to wait quite some time for your follow up appts! 
I found my consultant so helpful he already answered every question I had prepared. 
Just have a question I prepared my bosses last time about my treatment I haven't told them I plan to do fet in August. As natural cycle I shan't need to attend clinic so much not sure what to do. 
I am a hairdresser and already fully booked! 
I had the full 2ww off last time. Just wandering how long I should take this time thinking I did everything I should of and still got  bfn! So maybe I should go back to work? Xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Thanks Lou/s - I'm thinking the same about the time off next time - there's so many different views on this I get confused.  As you say though I'm like minded, i had three weeks off and it didnt make any difference to me.  I will probably still have time off, just purely for the fact that I have a sit down job (mostly) and that's supposed to restrict blood flow.  Perhaps have time off but not as much as before as they do say to go about your day to day business as usual but relax more.  I know of women who've gone to gigs and festivals and went about their work as normal and got a bfp, so you never can tell i suppose.  My DH is a hairdresser by the way, we've our own salon, and they're long days with a lot of standing up.  When the time comes, i'd just listen to your body  

August isnt too far away - how exciting for you.  All the best for the fet  

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

I have the same dilemma re the 2ww    I'd really like to take the full 2 weeks off if i can, mainly because this will probably be our last cycle so I want to know I did everything I could, without getting stressed at work.  The only prob is I don't think my boss will be too happy as my 2ww will probably fall during the September exam boards!  Typical!  I don't really want to get caught up in all of that and the possible added stress, and like Essie I'd be spending a lot of time sat at my desk producing reports etc and therefore not moving around much.  Straight after that it'll be all the prep for the new intake of students, so again, a very busy time   At the same time though I don't want to drop my colleagues or boss in it and expect them to pick up my work when they have enough to do!!  I was going to phone my doc this week to double check that when the time comes she'll be happy to sign me off for 2 weeks if I decide that's what I want (I'm sure she will, she did last time) so that I can say that to my boss.  I hate the fact that work gets in the way and that there is never a 'convenient' time!  

xx


----------



## starting out

It's so hard to know what to do. I think next time I'll try and work my leave around it but I'm hoping I'll get a chance to ask at my follow up.


----------



## purplepeak

Nosilab,
I sympathise. I had last 2ww during the exam period, and I marked my full set of exams, in half the time I would have had, cos I didn't want to cause trouble by asking for them to be given to someone else. But, with hindsight, it might have contributed to making it harder to cope with the bfn, cos i was also exhausted. Anyway, I guess during the 2ww I'd be selfish if necessary, cos you want to be able to know you did all you could. Take care
X


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Nosilab - you're a lovely lady and i know that you "dropping" anyone in it would be the last thing on peoples' minds. You have to think about yourself no matter what kind of situation it may cause at work. Work will carry on and still standing after two weeks, you deserve to put yourself first and look after yourself the best you can to make sure this time will be your time  This *is * a convenient time - a convenient time for YOU 

I was given a sick note for my 2ww last time and I won't be hesitating for a moment to ask again. If work have a problem with that then they don't deserve my 10 years loyalty that i have given them. This journey we're on is far more important.

hahaha i sound like i'm on a right soap box here don't I??

I just don't want you feeling guilty for taking time off for such a difficult, emotional and (hopefully) lifechanging moment in your life.  
Sorry if i sound a bit  
Essie xx


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you Purplepeak and Essie  

You've really helped put things in perspective, I needed that, thank you    Like you Essie I've given my work 10 years loyalty and have rarely (if ever!) let them down before so I shouldn't feel guilty really.  I'm even thinking that if I tell my boss now that I'll shortly (hopefully!) be back on the tx rollercoaster then she has time to put a back up plan in place.  I know I'm not obliged to tell her, and certainly not yet, but think I'd feel better if I break the news to her now!!  See, this is my prob, I spend too much of my time worrying about others and not letting people down!

Anyway, thank you again ladies - I think you're absolutely right, I need to not worry and be selfish for once and plan to take the 2ww off - if it comes to fruition of course!

Essie I like the fact you got on your soap box and you don't sound   at all  

 xx


----------



## starting out

Nosilab just worry about yourself. It's hard enough going through treatment without worrying about everyone else as well. 

I hope there will be happy news for you soon xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you Starting out   xxx


----------



## purplepeak

Essie, thank you for putting that so well. You're absolutely right!
XX


----------



## Chloe l

Essie so very well said I totally agree with you we have to put ourselves first through all this why because we are worth it! 

Purplepeak & Nosalib - I know it's a worry about letting people down but please think about what is best for you loads a love xxx


----------



## Chloe l

P.s I  joined our local v small gym but does has a swimming pool yesterday as they were doing a good deal so feeling proud of myself as I hate gyms but feels good to
Be doing something positive and on that note im off for a swim xxxx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Hi girls hope you all ok 

Looking for info

Was due on Friday. next one after bfn and understand can be late as it now is

But....have the worst stomach pains like where varies are and not usual af  pains but soooo bloated and feels exactly like I did just before ec?

Anyone else had this? Was just getting used to having my waistline back and feeling 'normal'!!

Xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Chloe, thank you - I def worry too much    Thanks though, you're right    Well done re the gym and swimming!  That's great, I should do something like that really.  We have an Olympic size pool on campus where I work so no excuse really, but I find it a bit intimidating!  There's no shallow end!! What a wuss I am eh    xx

Hi Babyjellybaby, sorry I'm not sure re the cramps and bloating, it might well be your body just regulating itself again?  But I don't know I'm afraid.  Could you poss call your clinic tomorrow to check with them? xx


----------



## staceyemma

BabyJellybaby I am really late.... Im now 2 weeks late for af but obvious BFN  Clinic said not to worry last week...
How long do I wait for it to come? Do I need something to bring it on? Im normally 28-29 days Im now day 42  
I guess the drugs from my cycle may have messed my body around a bit but thought by now it would be here.
Anyone would think Im mad hoping and prayin for my period to come  

Been hidin away for a bit but hope ur all ok still feel like my failed cycle was all a nightmare and not real but it was  ...
Im ready to go again soon tho  

xx Thinking of u all xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies 

Thanks *Purplepeak * and *Chloe * for your comments - Girl Power! 

*Babyjellybaby * and *Staceyemma * - sorry i can't help (I don't have AFs) but i hope you both get answers soon so you can focus on the future with optimism 

Nosilab - whether you grab the bull by its  or not at work tomorrow - I hope you have a good day 

Hello everyone i've missed   and  

Essie x


----------



## starting out

Just wondering how AF was for you after your bfn. She's just making her appearance here and I have a mad day at work tomorrow and I'm afraid I'll be bits for it.


----------



## Nosilab

thanks Essie, that did make me laugh!  Whatever tomorrow brings I'll have your post in mind to make me smile    Hope you (and all the other lovely ladies) have a good day too xx


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Thanks girls have follow up tomorrow so can ask then

Starting out  mine was early before otd wasn't too bad bit heavier than norm and little but longer but really bout feelings cos confirms not worked.

Hope you will be ok hon xx found work kept me busy and put on work brave face then had me time when got home!

Stacey you must be getting frustrated now! Have to tried jumping up and down ha ha ! Sorry had to make the joke xx


Hi to The rest of you xx


----------



## laani

Hi Ladies,
can i join you?
I got my first BFN yesterday and although we are devastated we are trying to pick ourselves up and move on as we have 1 little day 6 blast frostie waiting for us. Have no idea how long we'll have to wait before trying FET, my cycle was mild ivf and i should be good for natural FET but don't know how long it'll take before my body is ready to start again. We have our follow up on friday so i'll guess we'll find out more then.
Laani x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Laani and welcome (though sad to see you on here) -  so sorry for your bfn but i'm glad you are keeping positive and have a little blast waiting    Good news that you don't have to wait too long for your follow up too  

Essie 
x


----------



## purplepeak

Well done on joining the gym *Chloe*. Hope you enjoyed your swim? Probably the best exercise in this rainy weather &#8230; 
*Babyjellybaby*, I hope the ovary pain and bloating have subsided? Did you call your clinic to put your mind at rest?
*Staceyemma*, I'm glad you're feeling a bit stronger and ready to cycle again. I hope AF shows up for you soon.
*Startingout*, af after bfn was fine for me. Bit heavy perhaps but nothing awful.The next one ok too.
Welcome *Laani*. I'm really sorry about your BFN. It's brilliant that you can do FET though.

AFM review meeting is tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous. Also me and dh have big decision on where to cycle next. We like our clinic but they don't do blastocysts. Don't know if we would really be able to do them somewhere else though, as we only got 7 embies last time, and I think maybe you need more to go to blast? Lots of decisions for us.
Take care ladies
PX


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies 

It's very quiet on here  Hope everyone okay and doing well.

*Babyjellybaby * - how did your follow up go? Hope you got the answers you were looking for  

*Nosilab * - how's work? Have you decided what to do? Thinking of you 

*Startingout * - how you doing? Hope going back to work wasnt too gruelling 

*Staceyemma * - I know you're hiding away a little - just to let you know i'm thinking of you 

*Chloe * - how's the swimming going?? Swimmingly I hope  You put me to shame  

*Purplepeak * - how are things with you? Hope everything okay 

*Lou/s* - hope you okay and decided how to tackle work 

*Set55 * - not heard from you for a while - hope its because you're busy and doing lots of nice things. Don't know about you but i'm still fighting with the waistline  

Sorry if i've missed anyone, hello and  and  to you all

Essie x


----------



## EssieJean

Sorry Purplepeak - we must have posted at same time!

Good luck with your meeting tomorrow - i don't know much about regulations on changing clinics with blasts but hope you manage to come to a decision soon 

Essie x


----------



## Leah66

Hi ladies  

Just a little update, after my review appointment last week, my Dr is testing me for chromosome abnormalities ( its just a blood test ) so we have a 2-3 week wait for the results.  

 praying that comes back ok so we can look at dates for cycle #3..  
If I test positive then the dream of having a family is over for us. Although until we get the results I'm not letting that be an option.    

The reason I am being tested for this is because on my last 2 IVF cycles I have produced a great quantity of eggs but extreamly poor quality for a 'mid twenty' year old.


I hope were ever you are in your treatment or inbetween cycles that some how you manage to cope, move on and look forward to the future.. It's the only way. 

STAY STRONG xxx


----------



## lou/s

Hi all welcome lanni sorry to here bfn I had first bfn may following icsi and plan to have natural fet next month. 
Hi *Essie *hope your ok haven't really decided about work going to play it by ear as much as I can bet you can understand nightmare being in salon environment clients are so precious about there hair and book so far in advance !! Going to have my holiday my day 1 of cycle should be whilst I'm away trouble is you can never be 100% sure exactly when et will be. 
My boss asked today how treatment was going I said we are trying again but didn't commit to when. 
X


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning all, 
Just a quick one to say goodluck *purplepeak with your follow up appointment today. Regarding blasts we only had 4 embies and our clinic pushed us very hard to take them to the 5 day blast I was very apprehensive as we only had the 4 but they were all still there on day 5 & it did mean we had a clear winner to put back unfortunatly the rest were not a high enough grade to freeze. So I would say with your 7 embies that was a great number x*


----------



## Chloe l

Sorry about the bold text on my phone & must have pressed something x


----------



## purplepeak

*Chloe*, thank you so much for your message  I had forgotten that you had 4 when you went to blast. So in that case there should be no reason why we can't either! That's really helpful. I think we do have to move to a clinic where they do blasts, although it will be hard to change as our current clinic have been really lovely. But I guess lovely is no good if it's not getting me pregnant!

*Essiejean*, thanks for your message 
*
Leah*, I am keeping everything crossed that your test results will be what you want. I guess they have to rule everything out.

Hello to everyone else

PX


----------



## (hugs)

Hey Girls another one trying to jump on board hope you don't mind??

Well just had our second BFN today   which was expected as i tested last sat but carried on with the medication and today is OTD and no suprise it didn't change not even a flicker of a second line   its hard to describe how I'm feeling when i had my first BFN last year it felt different i was absolutely devastated as AF showed her face well before OTD, it took me a long time to get over it as it was a couple of weeks before chrimbo and i was a miserable   time went and i got better in the process i didn't have no more treatment and had both my tubes out and a cyst as fluid kept showing up on scans!! This was a big decision and i was assured that it would double my changes and that was the reason for the BFN! so i went a head with it and after a few months of recovery i started FET in May everything went really well than find out it hasn't worked again   i feel very sad and low at the moment and for some strange reason very angry!! I'm just trying to keep a brave face and put on my fake smile on to everyone but really deep down I'm really hurting, i don't think my DP and family understand,all they can say is oh well it wasn't meant to be, O theres always next time  

Sorry for the rant!!

   to everyone


----------



## Chloe l

oh *hugs* i am so sorry it is truly devasting be gentle with yourself and dont expect too much of yourself right now and that includes putting on a "brave" face you are allowed to grieve it is such a gruelling process. I Wish there was something i could say to take the pain away, please feel free to rant away to us if that helps xx


----------



## Chloe l

*Purplepeak* how did you get on today? hope you got the answers you needed


----------



## (hugs)

*Chloe* thanks very much Hun for those words and making me feel welcome


----------



## starting out

Hugs so sorry to see you here too.


----------



## (hugs)

Starting out same here Hun if only it was different circumstances for the both of us   what are your plans for the future?


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Hugs - so sorry to hear of your bfn - I hope you find comfort and support on this wonderful thread, as i did  

Essie x


----------



## starting out

We're just waiting for our review later in the month and then maybe look to do another FET in October possibly. We still have three frosties so that's good. I'm just feeling very un-motivated at the moment and really need to loose the weight I gained now I'm finished the steroids. It's so hard pretending that it doesn't hurt as much as does. Do you have a follow up?


----------



## purplepeak

Evening ladies,

Well, we finally had the review of our cycle which ended a month ago. I feel horribly horribly down after it. It was just so frustrating because the doctor had no answers at all. Just said it was probably chance and, next time it might work. He said it was less likely to work for a couple who'd already had two failures but there was still a reasonable chance. I kept asking whether various things might have played a role or whether we should try various things and he just said it was probably all just chance. The clinic don't do blastocysts or immunes or hysteroscopies or anything - his answer to everything was that they didn't do anything for which there wasn't ample scientific proof, and that probably it was just chance and we didn't need those things. But from my perspective: *what if* we do need them though? Don't know whether to stay at the clinic - the nurses are really friendly and their success rates are decent - or move on. I hoped today would make it clearer but it hasn't at all. He didn't rush us but he didn't have any info for us at all. For me personally the decisions are the worst part of the whole thing. I don't want to look back from a childless future and kick myself for not changing clinics or, alternatively, kick myself for changing to somewhere which turned out worse. Ok rant over. Sorry to be negative tonight but I just don'tknow how to decide what to do next.

*Hugs* Welcome to the thread. But I'm sorry you have to be here. Getting the BFN is so hard.Take all the time you need to grieve and don't be hard on yourself


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Welcome to the newbies lovely that you have joined but not the reason y. hope you are all coping ok xx 

Purple - you sound very frustrated hon. Yes it's decision time the hardest bit! Like you say you have to be sure in your own mind you have done absolutely everything before facing the horrible fact it might never happen. Which clinic are you at?

Chloe good luck for your follow up x

AFm follow up was ok didn't really answer the question I wanted to know which was why so few fertilised! However gave us the confidence that is worth while having another go and wanted that reassurance as we will be funding this time. Couple of issues re pessaries and say will be worth injecting next time....anyone else done this? Also I have a low reserve which we thought it was only dh issue so now bitof us both and I have done the best thing I can stopping smoking now over a year ago. Also asked questions around vitamins and just really said pregnacare for women and men. So have ordered them!

No waiting list so can cycle when we want but still waiting for af now week late and confirmed this was also why I had the pains. Said usually best to wait for two af but as we are funding. Guess we have more sway over the dates so are going to enjoy big holiday in sept and aim to come back and start in oct. about 3 family members have now said ooh you might chill out on holiday and fall on! Hmmm nearly 6 years ttc doubtful! 

Hope every one else ok....not easy but keep smiling xxxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Purplepeak * - I know exactly how you feel. I felt so deflated after my follow up that I almost wanted there to be something wrong with me just so that there was something to fix to make it work next time - Hearing "its just one of those things" isnt really helpful 

Which clinic are you with. I'm with CARE and did think about moving but we're on the list now and despite our bfn, they do have a high success rate, so decided to stay put. We're privately funded as wasnt eligible for NHS, so this will probably be our last chance.

It's a difficult time as it is without having to make such important decisions. Hope you come to yours without much turmoil 

*Babyjellybaby * - Glad you've come away feeling a bit more confident. DH and I use Pregnacare and Wellman They made a massive difference, to DH in particular. Exciting that you can start as soon as, and have a holiday to look forward too 

Essie x


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Thanx Essie good to know was worth forking the money out for them! X


----------



## EssieJean

I know - 20 quid - scandalous!!  That's five bottles of wine  
x


----------



## (hugs)

Starting out i totally agree Hun i feel similar to you but very numb i will grieve or whatever its called in my own way   i need to also focus on losing some weight that i have gained and i intend to have maybe 1 or 2 bottles of wine on Friday with my lovely cousin and i will probably be all emotional with her ha ha because i tested last week it wasn't that much of a shock today so i have had a week to register it abit, but I'll just take each day at a time! great that you have 3 frosties Hun and you have your review for later in the month hopefully you can get some answers!   I'm just waiting for my follow up now don't know when it will be though! thanks and takecare  

EssieJean thanks for the lovely welcome  

Purplepeak hello and thanks for my welcome too  

Hello to everyone else


----------



## purplepeak

Morning everyone. Thanks for the kind messages *EssieJean* and *Babyjellybaby*. I'm at the QE in Gateshead. The success rate is about 30% for under-35, which is 'consistent with the national average'. They're really nice there. But they don't have as many 'tools in their toolkit' as some places, e.g. don't do blasts. I asked what we could do differently next time and the doc said Gonal F instead of Menopur, but when I asked why he said 'it could give more eggs' but then 'actually you had a decent number' - so basically it seemed like he was changing that just because it was the only thing we could change. I don't want to leave cos they've been nice and I'm scared of the alternative turning out to be less good, but I'm concerned it's not the best place for us.

*Babyjellybaby * I'm glad your review was helpful - great that you're feeling positive about going for it again.

P X


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies mind if I join you?

I've just had another BFN despite textbook cycle - 2 grade 1 blasts put back and on full immunes. Feel really like I've been kicked in the teeth this time. I have to wait 6 months as its NHS funded ( for which I'm eternally grateful) and I dont get enough eggs to freeze so it's fresh each time. I thought itd work this time as the results were so much better. I'm waiting for my fu but not sure what else thy can do as I was on max stimms an everything. Due to my age I'm really worried that a 6 month wwait is going to go against me.

What I've found really hard is the comments from people - I'm open about my journey as I'm not ashamed of needing help - the ones about how'll it happen and they know some who had 7 IVF goes etc. well apart from the cost the sheer energy that the cycle takes. People think the process is a walk in the park. These comments always come from people who have got kids but having to ttc for a year somehow means they understand...


Sorry feeling very bitter at the moment and sorry for myself especially as I have a cousin berating the fact she can't give her son a sibling and thinks she'll get nhs ivf. I only want one....


----------



## purplepeak

Welcome to the thread *Vickytick*. I'm really sorry to hear about your BFN . Great that you had a textbook cycle though - I mean hopefully that means this was just really really bad luck and next time could be the one? Six months is a long time to wait - I feel for you. I suppose it will give you time to feel stronger and more ready for the next one, but it is really tough...

I know how hard it is to deal with comments from people. Even my mum has been a bit rubbish - seems to think it is all a minor issue which I'm taking far too seriously - and deep down I'm seething with anger at her.

I'm interested to see you got immunes treatment on the NHS. Did you have to organise it all yourself? I'm on the NHS and the clinic doesn't do immunes but I keep thinking I should look into it properly myself ...

Take care hun 
PX


----------



## Chloe l

Hi vickytic, 
Welcome to the thread so sorry to hear your news i hope this thread brings you a little comfort everyone here is very understanding & supportive . 

I think people who have not experienced the pains ivf being cannot ever truely understand I don't think people mean to hurt us they just don't get it! We do get it though so feel free to chat away to us 

Take care of yourself through this time big hug   
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Vickytic - sorry to see you on here.  Please don't apologise for how you feel - we've all been there (and still going through it), its a normal reaction to feel bitter and angry.  I repeat what Chloe said, people don't and can't understand, the main thing is that you look after yourself.  Feel free to rant, moan, cry and scream whenever you want - there's always someone on here to either lift you up or join in with you    

Chloe - how did you get on with your follow up?  Have i missed a post? Sorry if I have - I have been thinking of you  

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Hi Essie, 

Ahh thanks no you haven't missed a post my follow up is tomorrow I feel really excited about it got my list of questions at the ready 

Xx


----------



## purplepeak

Good luck for tomorrow Chloe
PXX


----------



## Nosilab

Good luck Chloe!


----------



## laani

Good luck for tomorrow Chloe, hope you get some helpful answers x


----------



## EssieJean

Oh I'm glad its tomorrow, I was worried I'd missed wishing you good luck!  Hope it goes really well and you come out feeling positive and confident for Round 2  

 
Essie 
x


----------



## set55

evening ladies

purplepeak
i only got 4 eggs on my cycle (have been told i'll never get many) and went to blast and 2 survived to day 5 had still got all 4 on day 3 was very pleased with this but ultimately no BFP.  u can get some immunes on nhs i've just had some thr my gp , although they wouldn't do all of them, there was alot of blood to collect (12 vials!) but results were fairly swift (a week) all came back as normal.  My clinic don't reg level 2/ chicago tests although i've decided not to have them done.  Its diff when there are no def answers but i've decided to carry on as i was my acc keeps going on about having level 2's done but i just don't want to do them. so i've sent my results off to clinic today to ask if i need the level 1's that gp wouldn't do and to get protocol org for next cycle as i want to beg sept/oct time.  moral of the story is u can look for answers in tests with your gp as they are free but be prepared that u just may not get any.   

had a bit of a meltdown day today.  went into town and burst into tears in the street feeling very negative about everything.  Then cried my way thr my pile of ironing at tea time.  just feel that nothing is going to go right and make things work.  i have been fine for weeks and weeks but today was a   . 
anyway now about to catch up on "Line of Duty" from tues with a box of malteasers and a coffee (decaffe of course)
laters


----------



## EssieJean

Sorry to hear you've had a  day *Set * - It's weird how it just creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Sending you lots of  

(By the way, i absolutely love maltesers!)

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Big hugs to you Set55    It's just the worst feeling when those days catch you out unexpectedly like that, especially when you feel like you've been doing so well.  It happens to us all, I totally sympathise.  Hope your catch up tv and yummy Maltesers helped perk you up a bit xx


----------



## purplepeak

Set, I'm so sorry you had a horrible day. I completely know what you mean about it suddenly creeping up on you. I hope today will be much much better for you  

Thank you ever so much for telling me about your blasts and immunes. Dh and me have asked to have consultation at a different clinic, so we will speak to them about blasts and immunes, and if they don't help we'll do immunes through gp as you suggest.

AFM all ok except insomnia from worrying - don't know how much longer I can carry on not getting in trouble with work while operating on so little sleep ... 

Take care   I hope today is much better for you
XX


----------



## Vickytick

Thanks ladies. Yesterday was a more positive day as I just kept busy. What's hard is dh is off to NY for 3 weeks for work next week and that's going to be tough as its the timing is not great and we've never been apart that long - sad I know - lol.

Purplespeak it's only my IVF that's nhs I have to pay private for the immunes. If the IVF clinic knew I might lose my funding...so I just do the immunes alongside with the guidance of the immunes clinic. They tell me hen and where etc. 

Set like you I never get many eggs 4 the first time only 2 fertilised so it was 2dt, this time I was max stimms got 6 of which 5 fertilised and 4 made it to blast but 2 of those weren't good enough to freeze so I had 2 put back. Not sure if all the vitamins I'm taking helped increase the number or not.

I'm being a bit naughty as its a 6 month wait and I've still got clomid from when I was first given it and it's not expired I'm going to take that for a couple of months to see if I can get a 'miracle' and fall naturally. It's worth a go and will make the wait easier to bear. 

Hope everyone has a better day and a lovely weekend.

Good luck to anyon with fu's

Xx


----------



## purplepeak

Thanks Vickytick. Must be really hard to have dh away so long. I've been apart from mine that long but when I was working abroad for a month, and I think it's easier when you're the one who's away... Could you plan in some treats like fun stuff / relaxing stuff (massage or something) to look forward to while he's away? Take care,
X


----------



## jblox78

Hello Ladies,

It's been a couple of months since I've been on - have been taking time away and only popping in and out very occasionally to catch up.  DH and I had our BFN confirmed on 7th May and since then have been re-evaluating our position.  We had a review appointment in June which we found helpful and decided that we would like to take a break until next year before embarking on our second NHS attempt at IVF.  We want to be fully prepared financially / emotionally etc. so thought that should give us enough time!  We just returned from a lovely relaxing holiday and I was feeling ready to throw myself into work / gym / spending time with friends and having fun over the next few months.

Last night I had a phone call from my younger sister who I have always had a slightly tense relationship with - we had quite a lot of sibling rivalry as kids and this sometimes rears its ugly head even now although we no longer argue the way we used to!  She has a little boy who is 2 in August who we all adore.  On the phonecall she told me that she had some news and announced that she is 7 weeks pregnant with her second baby.  I was OK at first - a little shocked and also wondered why she was telling me over the phone.  I asked if it was a surprise and she said no that she had come off the pill about two and a half months ago (around the time we were waiting for our results).  So obviously things happened pretty quickly for her and her DH!!  

I am trying to be virtuous and be pleased for her but I have a little devil on my shoulder saying "Could she not have waited a couple of months??".  Her baby will be due only a few weeks after ours would have been if we had been successful in our treatment and I find that really hard to deal with.  I wish that she had told me the baby was a surprise as I think I would find this easier to deal with rather than thinking that she knew what we were going through but went ahead regardless...  I know others can't put their lives on hold just because me and DH have gone through IVF but I can't help feeling this is a little harsh...  Plus if we had been successful she would have been stealing my thunder a little lol !  I am now totally dreading any family gatherings and can't bring myself to speak to her...

Any words of advice would be appreciated - I really didn't expect to feel this way but I can't help it...

Jen xx


----------



## Vickytick

Jen I can kind of empathise a bit but it's actually my husband's ex wife in my case. She got pg around the same time I did bar a month a couple of years ago. I mc but she now has a daughter, I mc again in feb only to find out that she is pg and due the same week I would've been!! Apparentlly they are all unplanned she even had an abortion the three years ago with the same man. I find it incredibly difficult to hear my ss talk about it because his mother clearly gets pg easily ( my dh told me they fell the 1st month of ttc with his son) whilst 3 yrs on I'm still trying. I can't offer many nodes of wisdom because at times I find I really hard to handle as it seems so unfair and far too close for comfort. I try to distance myself from pg people but when it's family it's v hard. I think you have to give yourself space and hope that it's not shoved in your face over the next few months. We have to believe that we will get our dream in the end. You will find it hard esp around the due date but go easy on yourself as it will be tough whether she was pg or not. Surely they will understand how you feel if it takes you a little longer to get into the 'spirit' of the pg.

I wish you luck as its a v hard situation to face and I agree people can't put their lives on hold BUT they can be a bit sensitive to how you feel and should be I wouldn't wish this process on anyone.

Btw if you wait a year for your next cycle you will need to complete all your screening tests again as they have to be recent. I had that problem and it was a nightmare getting the gp to sort them all out nearly missed my slot as the nhs hosp lost the results!


----------



## (hugs)

Afternoon Ladies hope you all are well  

jblox hi Hun nice to hear your follow up went well and you and your dh have decided to wait a bit i agree with you, there you do need to live again and start to have fun oh well at least try this journey is one tough ride emotionally and physically and puts a lot on our relationships!! glad you had a lovely holiday sounds lust   about your sister i totally get where you are coming from Hun i feel the same in my situation, my DPs brother's wife has 3 beautiful girls with no problems of getting pregnant, unlike my self when we decided we was going to do a frozen cycle which has just ended in a BFN   she has had her rod taken out of her arm, i felt like she had kicked me hard in my stomach, and I'm just waiting for her to tell me or one of his family that she's pregnant!! some people can be so insensitive at times, so i feel your pain Hun big  

Vickytrick hi Hun so sorry you got a BFN   I'm feeling the same as you Hun   and to be far i don't blame you using the clomid whiles you have to wait until you can start again good luck to you you never know sometimes miracles do happen   sorry to hear your DH is away at this bad timing Hun big  

Set hi Hun so sorry you had such a awful day Hun big   hope your having a much better day today! some days are worst than others get it all out better out than in Hun big  

Purplepeak hi Hun hope your insomnia improves big  

Chloe good luck Hun   

Nosilab hey Hun think you was on the winter wonders last year! hows you?  

Essiejean hi Hun hows you? i also love malteasers  

Hi to any one else i may have forgotton hope you all have a lovely weekend, i am going to get very drunk tonight havnt had a drink in about 2/3 months and catch up with my cousin i need it!


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Jen - I'm so sorry, but no words of wisdom from me either on how to cope. But what I can say is that I totally understand how you're feeling. My best friend is pg (we've known each other 35 years, so are practically sisters!), and I'm finding it almost impossible to cope with. We live about 2 hours apart, so don't see each other very often, so all our contact (esp. at the mo!) is via email or text. I never ask about pregnancy and she never tells me (she knows my struggle) so it's all a bit awkward really. I feel really bad that I never ask her how she is, but I just don't need to hear about it right now. I know I can't ignore it forever as by the end of this year she's going to have a new born, and I know she'll want me to be part of her baby's life, but it's going to be _really _ hard for me. You're right that people can't put their lives on hold, and there will never be a 'right time', but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. You just have to be kind to yourself and do what's right for in, in a timeframe that's right for you - don't feel pressured to do or say anything or feel a certain way. Anyway, I just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel, everyone here will understand, you just need a bit of time to adjust to the situation, and hopefully things will then get a bit easier (that's what I keep telling myself anyway  ). Sending you massive hugs 

Hi (hugs)! I thought I recognised your name  Really really sorry to hear about your BFN  I'm doing ok thanks, better than I was earlier this year! It's been one hell of a rollercoater year!! Lets hope the end of 2012/beginning of 2013 is better for all of us on this thread 

Hi to all xx


----------



## smurfy123

Hello everyone. 

Sorry not been on for a while.

Set55 -     so sorry u have had a rubbish day.   Things seem to get to u when u least expect them to don't they.  Be good to yourself - the maltesers sound like a great idea!   Nothing seems to work like chocolate! 

AFM been really bus spending lots of time with our puppy. He's so funny and really helped take my mind off ivf. Got our follow up appt next Thursday so should know more about next steps 4 us. Been to counselling session today so thought was feeling better till I started talking about things. Did feel better afterwards though. 

Hello to everyone else too    to all!


----------



## Chloe l

Good evening everyone, 

Thanks for all your well wishes for my appointment , I was surprised how emotional I was today been v ready & hubby very argumentative he seems tense & stressed since the meeting think prob cos it's the end of a long week in the good side my consultant said there were no issues & we can try again either in a weeks time (wow) if they get the drugs organised in time as that will be my day 21 or it will be the following af so about 5 weeks time which is all good. 

Sorry to read about those of you struggling at the mo my thoughts are with you it really does creep up on you at times. I found myself crying watching tv today just don't know where it comes from sometimes I guess we can't keep a lid on our feelings all the time & for me going back to the clinic seemed to stir those emotions up again . 

Well off to have take away tonight as can't face cooking 
Love to u all
X


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Wow that's quick Chloe really glad you can go again xx


----------



## Chloe l

Thanks babyjellybaby , 

It will have been 3 af and as we have to pay we can go ahead which is good x


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Wow that was a long time to wait for follow up

Now one week overdue 2nd af - doing me head in now!

X


----------



## Chloe l

Yes it was a long wait even the consultant himself seemed shocked we had waited so long. Babyjellybaby my 2 nd af was also a week late but did arrive , enjoy your holiday where u going? X


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Thanx! There is Hope its coming! Ha all the months I wished it wouldn't!

New York for 4 nights thn 8 night cruise round Bahamas splashed out a bit but feel we deserve it! Can not wait! 9 weeks tomorrow ! 

X


----------



## Chloe l

Oh wow sounds amazing! Enjoy it hun u deserve it though will be good for you to relax & come back all revived for your next cycle wishing u well x


----------



## Babyjellybaby

Thanx massive good luck to you. Will be watching for you bfp! Xxx


----------



## purplepeak

so glad it went well Chloe, and brilliant you can start again so soon    
Hello to everyone
px


----------



## laani

Hi Ladies,

We had our follow up yesterday which went well, Our consultant  said our cycle was textbook and just bad luck that it didn't work, she was happy for us to go with natural FET with next cycle and as yesterday was day 5 she scanned me as part of the follow up! I've been booked in again for a scan on Monday and if all goes to plan we'd be looking at FET in the next 2 weeks!! It all seems so quick. She said my body seems to have completely recovered from cycle so no issue with needing to wait which seems amazing as I only got BFN 5 days ago. I am so relieved that this will be natural as well, it will be so nicè to go through the process without the drugs.
Now just keeping fingers crossed that my lining is up to the job and that our 1 little blastie makes it through the thaw.
Hope everyone is doing ok
L x


----------



## Vickytick

Iaani sounds great. I think they try quite soon after as there is a theory that your body is primed for it following the last cycle so increased chance of success. Good luck. Xx 

Babyjellybaby well jealous of your hol sounds lovely. You have every right to splash out this is a awful journey and we put ourselves through so much.

Chloe 1 that was a long wait for the follow up but at least you can make up for lost time and go again soon. 

Afm got to pick new clinic now as current one nhs contract stopped so finding that stressful esp as stats for my age group 38-39 are rubbish. Really brought me down to earth. Puppy was an overexcited nightmare yesterday and dh was out so I felt sorry for myself a bit. Ŷ.trying to be positive today but dh is out all day with his son so on my own again..can't even go out as we've only got 1 car these days (joys of IVF eh).

Hope everyone has a good weekend.


----------



## Chloe l

Good morning, 

How is everyone today?

Ianni - that's great news about you fet wishing u all the best x 

Vicktic - hope u find a clinic soon that's all u need having to change but try to think positively it might be a good thing new start and all wishing u well. Hope puppy is behaving today x

Thanks for all your well wishes 
Chloe 
X


----------



## (hugs)

Chloe and ianni brilliant news girls that you will be able to start as soon as exciting times  glad both of your follow ups went well   

hi to everyone else


----------



## lou/s

*Chloe that's great news your follow up went well. Your right about it creeping up on you when you least expect it!!! Just a word if warning to any of you ladies going to weddings/receptions over the next few weeks don't no what it is but found myself surrounded by babies from 9 days old to 3 st least 5 newborns!! And a friend of ours who doesn't no our situation comes over with her 18 year old daughter who is apparently 20 weeks pregnant!! Who proceeded to stick her tummy out and tell me how horrible it's been to find something to wear because none of her clothes fit and how bad it is because she can't have a drink !! 
So tonight was my moment find myself in tears popped out for fresh air my mum rings me How is it mums allways no and are there at just the right time . 
Sorry for my rant tomorrow's a new day and only 4 more sleeps till my holiday!! 
*


----------



## Chops5

lou/s said:


> *Chloe that's great news your follow up went well. Your right about it creeping up on you when you least expect it!!! Just a word if warning to any of you ladies going to weddings/receptions over the next few weeks don't no what it is but found myself surrounded by babies from 9 days old to 3 st least 5 newborns!! And a friend of ours who doesn't no our situation comes over with her 18 year old daughter who is apparently 20 weeks pregnant!! Who proceeded to stick her tummy out and tell me how horrible it's been to find something to wear because none of her clothes fit and how bad it is because she can't have a drink !!
> So tonight was my moment find myself in tears popped out for fresh air my mum rings me How is it mums allways no and are there at just the right time .
> Sorry for my rant tomorrow's a new day and only 4 more sleeps till my holiday!!
> 
> *


*

Oh no...we've got 3 weddings to attend over the next few months. One of them is going to be full of children.

Struggled this week as was meant to be our due date (m/c)*


----------



## starting out

It's so hard when you end up surrounded by small ones and people who seem to feel the need to share their super fertility with you. I've had two BFP announcements while doing our cycle as I just find it so hard to build up the enthuasism to be excited. Both of them are on their third and I just can't listen to complaints about pregnancy sure I still haven't been able to visit my friend who has also had no 3. I'm just fed up with it all.


----------



## Vickytick

I've got my sil wedding in aug and one of dh friends is getting married in Rhodes which will be nice. But I don't know them that well and I'm dreading the whole do you/ are you going to have kids conversations. I'm actually quite blunt and say I can't have them (technically not a lie..) if they ask personal questions expect a personal response is what I say. The downside is you get inundated with 'miracle' stories or stupid advice.....

I get so annoyed with people who moan about pg they don't realise how lucky they are 

X


----------



## puss2cats

Hi everyone
Mind if I join?
Just had 5th BFN 4 days before OTD. Think I'm now going through progesterone withdrawal if thats possible. Got the headache from hell and can't stop crying. Got loads to do but my bum is glued to the couch. So can't be bothered with life I've even turned the telly off.


----------



## starting out

Puss2cats so sorry to see you over here as well. Too many of us from the June/July thread here


----------



## Little Carly Bean

Hello, wondered if I can join you please, Just had IUI which finished with a BFN   

Feeling pretty crappy and fed up but hoping to feel more positive soon. I have been told to have a month off before my next IUI, is that the usual thing? xxx


----------



## puss2cats

Thanks starting out. 
Little carly-- sorry no experience of iui but welcome, hope you get your answers.
I need to ask a really gross question
Yesterday as I didn't know what the blood test results were going to be I used a cyclogest. When I got home from lunch about 4/5 ish went to loo and was a massive clot like nothing I've ever seen, since then AF is here and clotty and dull ache like 3rd or 4th day usually. Is this going to get worse? I've been taking baby aspirin every day as I thought it made your lining less clotty so can't understand.
If anyone has a clue I would be thankful. My last fresh cycle was so long ago I can't remember.


----------



## Vickytick

Puss2cats and little Carly sorry to hear your news. Agree with starting out too many of us from the June/July thread. Should be odds in favour the other way really.   

Puss2cats I've only ever had fresh cycles (don't get enough eggs) so can only comment on that. I always find the firt opulent of days really heavy and clotty.  It's worse than a normal at but not quite as bad as a mc. The cycolgest will build up the lining an it's got to come out..I take baby aspirin but it has no real impat on the af clotting. Hope it improves for you Hun it's a horrid reminder of what we've just lost. Did you have more than 1 put back as that will mak a diff as well I think.

Xx


----------



## Chloe l

Puss2cats and little Cary   so sorry to hear your news hope this thread brings you some comfort as it has to me x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies  

The thread has moved on a lot since i was last on so just wanted to say hi to all those who've recently joined and convey my sympathy and sorrow - its truly a devastating time but you'll find lots of support and comfort as i have on here, and hopefully some giggles too  

Hope everyone else is well and keeping the   

Essie x


----------



## laani

Carly bean, really really sorry you've arrived on this thread, was really keeping my fingers crossed for you on the 2ww board. Big big hugs Laani x


----------



## Vickytick

Morning ladies this I going to be a bit of a me post I'm just so upset and confused that I don't know what to do. Dh and I had another huge row where a lot of horribl things were said. He claims all I do is tell him how awful he is at everything and moan at him. H claimed I start all the rows. I agree I get stroppy t times bu rather than leave me alone he goads me and starts shouting in my face. He keeps threatening to leave and sys his 3 weeks in NY will be time to think. I gave up everything for ttc an thi relationship my career, own home, invested alo of money o provide a home for us and his son. Don't get me wrong he pays the mortgage and bills earning a vv good salary. I'm scared if this is over I have nothing no chance for a baby but he can meet someone tomorrow and have another baby. We seem to be struggling to,reconnect after this bfn not sure if it was too soon after the mc...but even the puppy is causing huge probs as Im doing it all and dh said I never wanted him in the first place.

I jut don't know what to do but this can't carry on..any advice. He is not keen on counselling.

Xx


----------



## (hugs)

*Vickytrick * don't apologise Hun for a me post your here for some advice support help to rant or scream and where all pretty much in the same boat!! i do feel for you Hun and understand where your coming from, I'm also suffering at the moment after my BFN i feel I'm totally alone and as for my DP me and him are also arguing at the moment which makes me feel like crap, last week was my OTD and i have just gotton my period sorry (TMI) i feel crap ratty and upset and all he does is ask whats a matter oh are you in a mood again he says similar things like your partner. I am finding it really hard to get our relationship back on track and sometimes worry that I'm pushing him further away...and one day he will just go, and i worry where will that leave me i mean i cant afford to do IVF by myself, nor if i was to get with someone in the future i cant have children naturally (no tubes) so kind of feeling pretty much the same, just wanted to say your not alone and try and keep your chin up Hun big 

Hello to the rest of the Ladies


----------



## Chloe l

Hello everyone, 

I just wanted to wish u all well my next cycle has now been confirmed the go ahead.  so I will be moving threads. 

Thank you for all your support & I will be watching for you BFP !! 

Lots of love everyone
Chloe xx


----------



## Vickytick

(hugs) THANK YOU for making me feel like its not only me that feels like this but im v sorry that you feel the same way. Each bfn or mc makes it harder and things are better today but personally I feel distant to dh and I dont know why. Like you I feel he could walk away - its me that can't have kids. It's awful that we feel this way and noone else understands. Dh family don't even bother to call or ask yet this bfn has affected us both. His sister just keeps going on out her hen night which I've pulled out of as I can't face it not yet..but she has no clue and thinks I need to get out and forget it..which is a joke. Let's hope we can get through this it's going to be a struggle.




>


----------



## puss2cats

Vicky & Hugs------hugs to you both, I kinda went through same after my first fresh cycle failed (years ago). Unfortunately because we didn't 'talk' through it and come to terms with it and what we wanted to happen next etc and it drove a wedge. 
We also got a puppy and I was the only one standing outside in the cold waiting for her to pee at 6 am!!! 
We didn't split but we basically lived like brother and sister for a long time. It also meant I put tx on hold for a long time and maybe too long as last tx was a complete failure.
Please girls take some time, talk to each other, be frank and honest and tell him to be the same.
You will feel isolated and the extra hormones then lack of hormones will certainly not help.
Rest assured neither of you are 'alone', you are amongst friends who know and feel exactly what you are going through. 
Also dh may also be feeling low and cannot express it.
WE are here for you.


----------



## puss2cats

Just realised today is OTD. Wish I hadn't realised. How long is this going to upset me. 
Need to get a grip.


----------



## George1976

Hi all, I was hoping i could join you as I have just had a second failed attempt at IUI, I feel a bit sorry for myself and down. My husband is now away for work for 6 weeks forcing me to have a break before my 3rd and final IUI cycle which will in all likelihood be in Sept/oct. It seems a long time away and I can't seem to think about anything else.  I am starting to think just going for the IVF cycle might be a more constructive option rather that trying stimulated IUI again, any ideas to help me stay sane would be welcome,

George XXXX


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Lovely Ladies 

*Vickytrick * hey Hun i totally get where your coming from you are not alone. How you feeling today?  i spent all day yesterday thinking about things and last night DP went to gym after work, sometimes i really think he can be so selfish to my feelings, he just doesn't get and understand how I'm feeling, there are different times in the day/night depending on what company I'm with to how i feel when DP is around i feel hurt and want him to feel how I'm feeling, and as for his side of the family i am completely  shocked that his mother or any of them haven't even said sorry or rang me just shows you how much they really care things like that really **** me!! 

*Puss2cats * hey Hun i am truly sorry it hasn't worked for you this time Hun big  if you feel upset let it out Hun better out than in and it is still only early days yet so its pretty normal to be feeling like this, so rant, cry whatever you want Hun, where all in very similar boats chin up big 

*George * hello and welcome here Hun so sorry to hear your cycle hasn't worked for you this time Hun big  i hope while your DH is away you have plenty of company and if you ever need to chat or rant where all here for you!! nice to hear you have a plan i am thinking about having my final FET in sept/Oct time too i am just waiting for my follow up first! all the best of luck 

Chloe Hey Hun brilliant news Hun now the ball is rolling, just wanted to wish you all the best with TX   

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Ruby998

Hi ladies, 

Hope you don't mind me joining. I too was on the June/July thread so recognise some names- not a good thing though! So wish we would all have got our BFPs instead of BFNs! My OTD was yesterday but got AF last thurs so had a week to get over it. Feeling much more positive now, got a follow up on Monday which is really fast (due to cancellation). I'm hoping for some answers and really really want to start again soon. I mean in my plans I should be pregnant right now ha! 

Can I ask people's opinions- I have 1 early blast in the freezer, would u have this one or would you cycle again? Know it's daft but it's cheaper for me to have fresh as I'm an egg sharer than a frozen! But frozen would be quicker I think?!

Puss2cats- hi again! Crap isnt it! Honestly hun though next time will be our time!

George- sorry never had IUI so cant really comment but honestly IVF is not nearly as bad as u think! I would do it again this cycle if I could- know thats not possible though.

Hi to everyone else

xxx


----------



## Ruby998

Hi hugs sorry I missed your post- I would be really upset with the inlaws! Don't let it get u down though, they probably don't know what to say! Nobody knows apart from my mum and boss that we had tx and at the weekend i had to go with my 7 month pregnant friend (2nd child) to my other friends 1yr olds birthday and it was sooooo hard, my DH decided to go on a bike ride instead so know how insensitive men can be! As I said to puss2cats- next time will be our time! 

xx


----------



## (hugs)

*Ruby998 * Hi ya Hun sorry your here too really crap isn't it Hun i feel your pain  nice to see you have a plan though! always good to have one i think keeps the mind busy, i see your dilemma about the fresh/frozen i would bring it up at your follow up Hun i hope you get the answers you need best of luck and keep us updated!! when i just had my frozen it was easier then my fresh cycle last year coz you don't have EC or have to do stimms just patches but there are also some negatives you can put your body through all that for your embie(s) to not survive the thaw that was my main worry but to be far fresh/frozen theres negatives and positives


----------



## starting out

Sorry to see you here ruby but welcome xxx


----------



## No1 rainbow princess

Hello all,

Just came across your thread whilst browsing around...
I'm sorry about the relationship issues but it refreshing to hear it being discussed... I was starting to think it was only me that wasn't doing tx in harmony with dp...!!!
I don't even really like my not so dear partner ATM... Infact I've been thinking that if it wasn't for infertility then I may have dropped him by now! Is that bad? I'm not sure if it's just a phase... We've been through a couple of cycles and a couple of mc this year so not the easiest of years... I just feel he's not been supportive n wonder what am I doing!!! Then I think of my frosties, my age and the fact that decent men are few n far between (so i hear from single friends!) And I remember the nice things hes done... Like coming home from work to find he's cooked me a meal based on high protein levels when I was stimming... Researched it n found out all the best foods...
I feel terrible n so disloyal for even writing this, it's been in my head for ages... Seeing your chat made me feel it's ok to let it out! I'm torn between dumping him and then going on holiday for a few weeks and waiting excitedly for day1 when I'm supposed to start my next cycle...!!! Madness eh?  
Is this normal!?!

Anyhow, I think...I'm cycling again soon... Not sure... Lol... So may hang out here for a but if that's ok!?!
Sorry to rant on n on... 

Ruby... Fet can be gentle on the body which can have it's benefits... Also the clinic may suggest a natural fet so it could be quite cheAp too and just go alongside your cycle so not really time consuming...
Certainly worth thinking about! Good luck with your decisions... X

George, I've not had iui personally but I'm thinking if your clinic thinks there's a good chance with iui then give it another go, I know we all want to get to our dream ASAP but maybe iui will get you there quicker ...I ended up cycling for ages on this years fresh ivf.. Started november on motoring cycle and had et in feb! 
Hopefully this iui will bring you your bubs!!!

Well I'm gonna dash, hi to all... Early night n hopefully a better mood tomorrow!


----------



## (hugs)

No 1 rainbow princess 
Hello and welcome Hun   I'm also glad i have found this thread after i recently got another BFN i think being on the whole journey (IVF) does put soooooo much pressure on our relationships we go through so many emotions and than to get a **** result at the end is so heartbreaking and disappointing!! i feel similar too you also and can relate to you as i feel its my frosties what are keeping me going and knowing that i can jump back on this crazy journey gives me some hope   .... but i agree with you too my DP has NOT been supportive i feel mean for saying such things but its true!! i really don't know any more whats going on in my head   

hang around Hun and rant and vent away its all Ive done on here lol but i don't have anyone else to do it at!


----------



## Ruby998

No1 rainbow princess- I think this whole journey can put a huge strain on our relationships but just think how strong u will both be when u get that little baby! The amount of people that argue and split soon after they have kids! I think eventually this will make you really strong- although I know it's hard to see it. My DH can be a pain and he doesn't seem to understand and yes we argue, actually no I just shout at him ha but I do think that this has really made us stronger! Don't know what I'd do without him. In fact yeah- sperm donor ha. Chin up Hun xxx


----------



## Vickytick

It's so refreshing to hear ladies talk about the negative aspects of IVF and impact on our relationships. I feel I should whisper my feelings otherwise people will say wtf are you doing IVF together if you're having doubts - eh cos of the strain the   treatment has caused. We are ttc naturally well with clomid for next to months as we've got a 6 mth wait for 3 cycle (nhs funding rules) bth I don't want   at all at the moment as I've  'gone off' dh but needs must and all that. I do try to think about everything he's done etc but I can't shake that feeling.

Ruby998 you are right if we can get through this we can get through anything and child raising will be a
doddle....  I never get enough eggs for frozen so it's fresh ivf every time. Has the blast been frozen for long if so does it make a diff to the thawing process that's what I ask.  Apart from that go with your gut feeling and don't be dissuaded. A friend had 5 IVF goes (fresh/frozen) the last one the hosp wanted to abandon as the embryo was low grade she went ahead and her daughter is 5.

Hello to everyone else. I love the support on this thread ladies.

Xx



Hope everyone has had a better day.


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, but I do try and keep up to date with you all by reading the chat  

I'm feeling a bit low today, so just need somewhere to come and moan/rant.....

AF was late this month, so (as you do!) I started to get a bit excited thinking that maybe, just maybe we'd managed to achieve a natural BFP!  There had been absolutely no sign of AF whatsoever, so yesterday morn I tested but of course it came back with a BFN (no real suprise I guess!).  The more I thought about it yesterday the more down in the dumps I felt, I felt like my body was having a right old laugh at me!  It was like it purposely held on to AF until I'd tested and then laughed in my face and said "haha! had you going there for a minute didn't I!!" as yesterday afternoon, i.e. only a few hours after I'd test AF reared her ugly head!  How cruel!  I was feeling pretty miserable yesterday to decided to take a half day from work so that I could go home and be miserable in peace!  As the evening went on the more and more   I felt.  All my negative thoughts started to creep back in, things like - why is my body so cruel to me, why is it letting me down and playing tricks on me, am I too old for this, I'm gonna be 40 in a couple of weeks and I'm still not pregnant and it's not looking likely, I hate the way I look, I'm sad that DH is older than me, time is running out, options are running out - panic!! Arrrggghhhh!!    So anyway, all that resulted in my crying myself to sleep, which I haven't done for months!  Am still feeling tearful and sensitive today, so I feel like I've taken a real backwards step in terms of my emotions - I've been doing so well over the last few weeks.

I think I'm also panicking because my DE IVF is about to happen any time soon (which is fantastic news!) but it's making me realise that this is it! This is my last attempt at becoming a mother, if this doesn't work I have to 'move on'.  That was the other thing making me sad last night, I was scared of joining the 'moving on board' or leaving FF forever without having accomplished my goal    What is also making me worry is that we're having to pay for this tx and if it doesn't work I'll be left with no baby, a huge invoice to pay and a constant reminder every month (as I'm paying that huge bill!) that it didn't work out and that all my chances/options have been used up and we're left in debt..... 

Anyway, I know there are no real answers, I just needed to come on and get it off my chest  

Hugs to all   xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Nosilab I think we're all feeling it at the moment. I know for me it's all really hit me not sure if it's combination of too much disappointment in a short space of time .(mc in mar followed by failed IVF in July) but it's been really tough. As Hugs said to me the other day rant away as we all feel exactly the same. Here we don't have to feel guilty for feeling down  or miserable or not wanting to join in anything. No well meaning person will pass crass insensitive comment. Thats what I love. It's horrible when your at does that and I've thought why let me get pg to cruelly take it away it's so hard. But you are not long you have virtual friends to get you there. I've looked at the moving on but the reality of that scares me.

Huge   to you an I hope you are feeling better today 

Xx


----------



## (hugs)

*Vickytrick* and *NosilaB * I'm feeling pretty much the same as the both of you so no words of wisdom from me just wanted to send you both lots and lots of hugs from me           
just wish i had a magic wand to make all our dreams come true and take away the pain  yesterday while i was out with my mum i brought myself a bottle of wine, and last night after my bath i cracked it open and drank the full lot....not a good idea... when DP came in he asked what was wrong with me, obviously he could tell I'd had a drink, well within seconds i burst in to tears i was sobbing for ages and i mean really sobbing...lol  but am glad in one way as i got everything off my chest and he now knows how i feel as a person who cant have kids about the IVF me and him, oh and his mum as i was so upset and angry that she didn't even txt ring or call to say sorry after my BFN  much to say feeling a little crap today, guna chill tonight get in me PJ's and get a Chinese later yum yum


----------



## Little Carly Bean

Hello! How are you all?

Im feeling a bit better this week, it was lovely and hard having my best mate round last weekend, she is 6months pregnant and im very happy for her but I wanted a matching bump! I also popped round to my mates house yesterday who has 2 beautiful girls, 2yrs and one 3months, its lovely playing with them and gives me hope! 

I im glad im having a months rest from treatment but also want to get going again!  Keep popping in to keep an eye on you all, lots of hugs and love xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you *Vickytick* and *(hugs)*  Feeling a bit better today, not quite as low or tearful. Thank you for listening and replying, and as always, thank you for the hugs 

How are you all doing at the mo? Hope you're having a relaxing weekend. *(hugs)* I'm glad you got it all off your chest with DH, these thoughts and feelings build up and need to come out, glad you got it all off your chest. *Little Carly Bean*, sounds like you've had a lovely time with your friends and I admire you for being able to spend time with your pregnant friend and your friend with 2 young children, I wish I could do the same but just can't force myself to. One day I hope to be more like you 

Big hugs to all  ^ xxx


----------



## smurfy123

Nosilab/Hugs/Vickytick -     to you all!  so sorry you have been feeling down this week.  This whole process has us up one minute and down the next doesn't it!  I feel fine for a few days then go all down and weepy.  Feel a lot better than I did a few weeks ago though.

think it makes things worse (or I feel that way anyway) that I kept things in and didn't tell my friends/family what was going on apart from my mum and sister and DH's mum and sister as didn't want people asking lots of questions about such a private thing.  really think people just don't get how stressful and emotionally draining this whole process is - they just don't get what you put your body and mind through.

AFM - feel lot better now I've had follow up appointment. Consultant told us that he wouldn't change anything about the cycle for next time round and that we were just really unlucky not having any to freeze but that it was positive that I'd had a BFP even though I MC a few days later.    Looking to start treatment again October/November time and giving my body a rest - it gives me chance to lose a bit of weight and get fit before next time anyway!

Hello to everyone else on here too!


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## set55

Nosilab


don't think anyone who hasn't been thr what we have can understand the utter failure that we all feel at times the fact that your own body, that we should be able to control is letting us down, and we can't control it.  We understand how you feel cos we have been there thats why its good to talk (well on here anyway) 

anyway on a more important note have just come across Casino Royale so must go as i have to teach Daniel Craig a thing or two    
Laters


----------



## sambyrne87

So AF came last night very cruel as was our day to test today. one of the last things the doctor said was to ignore any bleeds so still did the test with a little hope even tho i knew deep down it hadnt worked, but were gutted.  It's out first cycle and its my problems with PCOS that have caused our infertility the other half is trying to look after me but i feel so guilty its my fault were going through this im dreading the phone calls off the few people that know today.  i feel so alone does anyone else feel like this? thanks Sam


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hello ladies. My OTD was yesterday and it was a BFN for me. I have had pinky brown discharge since wednesday lunchtime so suspected AF was on way. Half an hour after I poas AF came with a vengeance, I don't think I've had a period this heavy before! Is this normal? Clinic have booked me in for a review on 21st Aug but that seems so far away to get some answers. I keep swinging from acceptance it hasn't worked to feeling like a complete failure. Hugs to everyone on this thread xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you *smurfy123* and *set55* 

Like you say *smurfy*, this whole tx thing can leave you feeling up one day and then so low the next. I was doing so well too, have been feeling ok for the last few weeks, so this was a bit of a knock back.....again! Glad to hear you've now had your follow up appointment, and that you now have a timescale to start cycling again 

Yep I totally agree *set55*, anybody who hasn't experienced this can never understand - it is that feeling of failure and that your own body has let you down when all those around you _apparently_ manage it so effortlessly. It is def the lack of control and not being able to do a thing about it that is the most upsetting  Hope you enjoyed you 'date' with Daniel Craig 

So very sad to see you here *Sam* and *Pinkpingu*  But welcome, I'm sure you'll find lots of support from the lovely ladies on here.

Sam, it is very cruel what our bodies do to us, as I said in one of my earlier posts, it's like it's laughing in our faces  I really feel for you, I really do. And yes, to answer your other question, I definitely do feel alone with IF. Even though I have the support from the amazing ladies on here, when I'm back in the 'real' world IF can feel very isolating 

Pinkpingu, in the past I've always been very lucky and have always had very light periods, but since doing tx they have sometimes been much heavier, so yes I think this is normal. I think particularly the first one after IVF/ICSI etc. The tx rollercoaster can be so difficult to cope with sometimes can't it 

Hugs to all xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Hey Lovely Ladies, how is everybody today?   are we all feeling pretty much the same I'm having good and bad days i cant believe since i had my BFN 2weeks ago nearly 3 next week i have just stopped bleeding today (TMI) sorry girls as someone asked if it was normal to have heavier periods if your cycle hasn't worked the answer is yes my clinic told me if you get a BFN you will have a longer heavier period, as they've controlled it with the drugs so its just getting everything out of your system!! 

Hello and welcome to the newbies   sorry that it hasn't worked for you ladies   lots of    

NosilaB I totally agree with the TX comment without FF i would be lost and when I'm not on here and back in the real world day to day, i feel totally isolated too like i float around when i hear pepole mentioned baby(s) i just want to run in away in another direction i really don't think people understand who haven't been through anything like this, i mean how could they! I'm just getting sick of comments off people and family saying oh 3rd time lucky could do it for you when all i want to do is scream at them all! it been a weird sort of couple of weeks, hope you are doing OK though Hun  

Vickytrick hows you my lovely   good i hope hows you feeling?  

Hello to everyone else love to all


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## Little Carly Bean

Evening all! 

had a bit of a poo weekend really, spent all day Saturday in bed untill 4pm, just felt fed up and did not feel motivated to get up. Forced myself out of bed today did some housework and then went to the garden centre to try cheer myself up, did gardening all afternoon in the sun but now im back on the sofa and feeling fed up again. My Husband is a farmer and now the sun is out he is mad busy working so im a bit lonely, plus I have 3 weeks of work now and usually I look forward to it but I think being at work would keep my mind of things. Ok moan over, Hugs to you all xx


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## Ruby998

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all ok? Know what you mean about being up and down! It's been just over a week since I got my BFN and I thought that I was over it but some days I feel so depressed and really taking it out on DH now. We went out last nite with friends and he had some cigarettes- which he is banned from and I told him this morning that as he doesn't give a **** next time I will have a sperm donor! Ha I really don't mean it, he just ****** me off! Ha. 

Anyways I've got a follow up tomorrow so sat here writing a list of questions. Got all the usual- what went wrong, right , egg quality. Any other questions I should ask?

xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi (hugs), I'm doing ok thank you, still have my moments but better than I was at the end of last week.  How are you?  

 Little Carly Bean, sounds like you're having a really rubbish time    If we lived closer (I'm assuming we don't?) I'd invite you round for a cuppa to try and cheer you up and so that you weren't on your own!  Take care, big hugs  

xx


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## Vickytick

Ladies sorry that we have new recruits but welcome and I hope that you find comfort on this thread.

It's an awful journey and I too still he my ups and downs. Today was okay until we went out for a walk with the puppy so many babies. My dh ex wife is not happy because I won't let her round our house. She is the same number of months pg I would've been if I hadn't mc in march add to that the recent failed IVF and it's just too much but she can't see it at all and is being difficult. Her lack of sensitivity to another woman is amazing...my nieces are coming to visit this week so I'm looking forward to that. Dh is off to NY for 3 weeks on tues so not looking forward to that  

I suppose we have to believe that we will get there to keep us going..   

Xx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Thank you for all your kind words, whilst they don't take away the pain of a BFN, they have given some comfort. 

I have booked my review consultation for 21st August which seems a lifetime away to get some answers. We had a push for a review so soon as well as our Consultant wasn't free until end of september so we have managed to get another doctor to see us earlier. I don't think I could have waited until september! I am making it my mission to research as much as possible about the causes of failed IVF so I am prepared with as many questions as needed for the review. I know IVF just sometimes doesn't work and it's 'one of those things' but if there is a reason I want to be fully prepared to find it out! I'm dreading being told it was 'one of those things' as if the protocol etc is tweeked next time I think I will feel more reassured that changes have been made for the better if that makes sense? I'm just hoping and praying we can be accepted back on to the egg sharing programme as well otherwise the net treatment will floor us financially and we might have to consider IUI instead. 

Yesterday, despite the sun shining, I spent most of the day in bed. I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. I hate knowing I'm wallowing in self pity but it's hard not to. It feels horrible being back in work this morning knowing I'm not pregnant. Two colleagues are pregnant at the moment so there is a lot of baby talk going around. My sister is also expecting her second child and I'm finding that extremely difficult. She got pregnant both times the first month they tried and are quite smug about that. Everywhere I look there are either pregnanct women, babies or baby adverts. I wish I could be put into a medically induced coma until it's time to do the next treatment. It seems so far away 

Sorry for sounding so pathetic in this post ladies, I hope to buck up over the next few days or weeks. I hope this week is easier for us all to deal with, the predicted sunshine may help with that


----------



## Nosilab

*Ruby998*, I know it's not funny really, but your 'sperm donor' comment did make me smile  I bet your DH wasn't expecting that! We all get days like that, and sometime our DHs/DPs just have to grin and bare it and take it on the chin - we have to take our stress and upset out on someone!  Hope your follow up goes well and sorry I didn't reply in time re questions to ask. I was a bit rubbish at my follow up and probably didn't ask half the questions I could or should have done. You could ask about changing protocol and/or meds? Best of luck to you   

*Vickytick*, sometimes it just seems as though we are completely surrounded by pregnant women and babies - everywhere you go - it's like an invasion! I can completely understand why you wouldn't want your DHs ex-wife round your house!! Especially given the circumstances in terms of timings  Just try and block her out of your mind as much as poss and concentrate on you and your feelings - _you're _ the one who's important! 

*Pinkpingu*, the return to work after a BFN is just so heartbreaking, I remember it well. You so want to be returning with a spring in your step, knowing that you're carrying something very precious. I'm really sorry that you're having to endure the baby talk and be around pregnant colleagues when you're still grieving  Like I said to Vickytick, sometimes it feels like there is an invasion of pregnant women and babies and there is no escape! I completely understand the feeling of wanting to hibernate. I hope the 21st Aug comes around as quick as a flash for you, and in the meantime it'll give you a bit of time to do your research and go armed and ready for some answers! 

Hi to everyone else  xx


----------



## Vickytick

Just wanted to say very wise words no solan and so true. Xx

Pinkpingu it's very hard and you are entitled to feel this way. The only way I can deal with it is to avoid pg people and keep really busy so my mind is off it.  I do have low days when I think I'm never going to be called mummy and what will I do but others I get so driven and think I will not let this beat me. I really hope the time flies until the appt but research is good.

Hi to everyone else

Xx


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## Ruby998

Hey ladies,

Hope you are all ok and not bumping into too many pregnant people- I also try and avoid at all costs. I also hate it when people say guess what or I've got something to tell you! I automatically think they are pregnant even if they are 70! Ha ha

Well I had my follow up today and feel a little better. He said that we were unlucky and that I shouldn't worry at the moment. I'm going to start a new fresh cycle in a few months. We discussed using my frozen embryo but have decided to keep that one and hopefully add some more next time. I also told him that I wanted two transferring next time and he agreed! 

I'm now sat with my laptop looking at holidays for early September. Part of me wants to just save save save incase we need more treatment but then I really think this may do us good? What do u reckon girls?

xxx


----------



## Shellebell

Hi Girls


For those of you that are getting ready for your follow up appointments, there is a sticky thread at the top of the page that has some usual questions and a few links to other boards/threads on the site that will help you get your answers or things to question


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## Vickytick

Ruby998 I think you should book the hol ttc is a tough process an takes it's toll a break will relax you and make you feel better. My counsellor told me not to put your life on hold for ttc. We were always saying we can't do that as we will be pg etc...


----------



## Nosilab

Thanks for the info Shellebell  

Ruby998, I agree with Vickytrick.  Go for the holiday!  Even though you need to save for tx, you still need to live your life and have some enjoyment so I think it's very important that you get the holiday booked and look forward to a relaxing time away  xx


----------



## No1 rainbow princess

U deserve a holiday... Go for it!
I'm good at giving advice and nit taking it though as really fancy a holiday... Can't book one till september due to work commitments but keep thinking I will be pg or cycling by then!
Errgghh....   roll on day1... At least I'm talking to dp now  

On the avoiding pg people conversation... That is so hard! These people are everywhere!   bless them but seriously let's have a national no pg people allowed out on the street day!  
I'm an estate agent (were not all bad please don't judge!) and I live in a area full of very good primary schools so of course I deal with pg people n young families daily... Oh and young newlyweds looking for two beds for them n the baby they plan to have soon... Errggh! 

My cycle buddies have been discussing their maternity leave recently and I felt a bit ill knowing I should be going on maternity leave soon! It's all gone so quickly, I can't believe I'd be having my baby in a few months... Terrible feeling . They deserve their happiness so much but damn it I wish I could join that party!

We will get their ladies...

Vickytick... Good advice by the counsellor and  

Ruby... Glad you have made your decision... My ivf veteran tells me make hay while the sun shines... (I think that's the saying) stock up on a few embies and help someone else. Good luck with that in a few months... When your bronzed and relaxed! 

Sorry to hear a few of us are struggling at the moment... Bfns n mc... Just gut wrenching stuff... Time n planning next steps is the only thing that gets me through... Oh and wine... Talking of which I'm off to the shop. Glass of vino whilst the sun is shining me thinks...
I hope u r all enjoying the weather xxx


----------



## prayingforababy

Hi Everyone,

I was wondering if I could join this thread as I feel at a loose end with the recent sad news I have received.

It was my OTD yesterday and we had a BFN confirmed by blood test. Words can't describe how upset we are. This is going to be a long and emotional journey and I realise now this is only the beginning for us. Our dream is on hold for now as the clinic have told me they will look into the ? hydrosalpinx and get me into see the consultant before looking into having our 1 remaining frozen embryo transfer. I'm upset even writing this and am constantly analysing WHY US It's so unfair but I pray one day it will be our turn to be parents.

This is our 1st icsi cycle and I never realised just how emotionally draining this would be. I am going out of my mind and am feeling really angry, upset and lost and empty.  

Sorry to sound soooo negative but I want to talk to women who are experiencing similar. I feel like no one understands just how difficult this is. I'm even off work this week due to feeling unable to face people, my mind is pre-occupied at the moment with wanting a baby and why this has not worked.

I know time is a great healer but life is so un-fair. 

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Girlie's  hope you are all well and enjoying the lovely sun 

Hello and welcome *prayingforababy * so so sorry to hear your sad news big  this is such a heart wrenching time and only in time will you over come this and find the strength to carry on!! when i began my journey last year my first BFN i was a mess and coz we had frosties Ive just had a frozen cycle and it was another BFN gutted numb, sad the list goes on hun but we are all in a similar situations rant moan cry we are here for you 

*NosilaB * hey Hun I'm doing ok i guess thanks still plodding along as you do, trying to get back to the old me have a bit of fun, but i still cant help thinking when is it guna be my time  glad to hear you are feeling alittle better, so hard isn't it Hun big 

*Vickytick * Hows you Hun? hope you are well? 

*Ruby * ha ha on the comment about bumping into pregnant women there everywhere...lol I'm glad to hear your follow up went well and you got the answers you needed good news that they will transfer 2 next time thats what I'm hoping for next time!! Oh and go for the holiday, why not treat your self 

*No1 rainbow princess * hope you enjoyed your vino in the sun  i intend to this weekend 

*Pinkpingu * hey Hun hope you are well?  hope you are feeling better today chin up this is such a horrible process for us women to go through, i would of never thought in a million years that i would be having IVF!! crazy! and after a BFN it does take time to get back on your feet and you will have those days where your feeling sad angry upset or even lonely! i have had so many emotions just lately, but we are here for you 

*Little Carly bean * Hey Hun sorry to hear you had not such a great weekend and spent most of it in bed, bless you  i hope your feeling abit more positive now hun big 

AFM hello ladies well update from me 3 weeks after my BFN on weds and still haven't heared from my clinic  still feeling very emotion at times but trying to get on with things as best as i can do  weekend was ok nowt exciting! There is going to be no Holiday for us this year  but i have treated myself today and had my hair coloured and cut and are starting gym on Thurs  my god i will probably cry I'm so unfit...


----------



## Pinkpingu

Thanks *(hugs)* having your hair done sounds like just the treat you needed, I may book mine in a little earlier than usual as I could do with a pamper!

I had a huge row with DW yesterday evening and haven't spoken to her since. Left for work this morning feeling awful. The argument was over me wanting to get out of the house yesterday evening for a meal but we couldn't decide where to go as everywhere I suggested she dismissed. I told her she was unsupportive as it wasn't about where we went just that I needed to get out. I spent the rest of the evening upstairs in bed crying and she spent it downstairs avoiding me. I think it was worse in my head as I also felt really let down by a good friend who phoned me up yesterday moaning about work and never once asked me how I'm coping with the failed cycle. Some friend huh! The day had started off with me feeling more positive but that didn't last long!

Welcome *prayingforababy*, sorry to hear about your BFN and the further investigations you need to have. Life is definitely unfair and I never realised how hard this process would be. Part of me wants to just get on with things and I'm very frustrated to have to wait for 2 cycles etc but then the other part of me is terrified about trying again in case it is another BFN.

*Ruby998* I'm glad your follow up consultation went well and you feel better for it. I'm dreading mine as convinced I'll be told I can't egg share again and that something went really wrong. Roll on 21st Aug!

*Nosilab* thanks for your kind words, there really is a lot of support on this forum and for that I am very grateful.


----------



## Ruby998

Praying for a baby- so sorry to see u here too! Welcome though and were all here for u to rant at. It's been nearly 2 weeks since I got my BFN and it gets better each day. I keep telling myself that next time it will happen but if it doesn't I don't know what I will do.

Hugs- joining the gym should be a distraction- good luck ha I'd last 2 weeks. Not good that your clinic haven't called. Can u chase them? It's good to go for a follow up- may give u a little hope. My dr was lovely and stopped me blaming myself. He also told me to stay away from the Internet but no chance!! Well actually last night was spent looking at Hols.

Pinkpingu- sorry about Ur row. It's completely normal hun everyone in here seems to be having a hard time with their partners. It's all that build up and then a HUGE let down! When is your appointment? I was told I can egg share again- 1st treatment he doesn't want to give up on me, said that if it's negative next time he will review. 


Hi to everyone else. Hope each day is getting better!

Afm- you ate all right I'm booking a hol. Bought a new dress for it in the oasis sale yesterday. Not even booked anything yet! But I'm not putting my life on hold anymore! Out for drinks after work tonight and plan to get tipsy 

xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

Morning Ladies 

well must say i feel a little better today maybe the fact that i have heared off my clinic I'm in on Thurs as they have discussed my cycle so will see what gets said tomorrow afternoon! I have also been booked in for a smear at my doctors and some bloods to be done for next Tues, just to eliminate anything before i start again!

Ruby  i don't know how long i will hack the gym never done out like this before ha ha we'll see i cant believe how much weight i have put on since last year Ive put on over a stone  i wouldn't mind I'm only 5ft  thanks for the kind words! good for you booking a hol Hun and buying a dress enjoy your drinks later 

Pinkpingu  Sorry to hear you've had a Row with your DW Hun awful isn't it i do hope you both resolve things good look  get yourself booked in for a pamper might be just what you need 

Hello to the rest of the lovely ladies


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## Nosilab

*Rainbow Princess* I'm loving your suggestion of a 'national no pg people allowed out on the street day'  If only eh! It must be really hard for you re your job  You must do incredibly well to hold it together in some of those situations, I'd be worried that I'd just run out of the house crying and make a right idiot of myself!  You're a very strong lady to keep up to date with your cycle buddies, I can't read those posts anymore as although I'm really really happy for all the lovely ladies on my cycle buddies thread it just makes me too sad reading it all  Hope you enjoyed that wine, and this glorious sunshine 

Hello and welcome *prayingforababy*, so sorry to hear of your BFN, it gives you such a huge mix of emotions doesn't it, it's just awful. Life does seems _very _ unfair at times. Sending 

*(hugs)* glad you had a bit of pamper and got your hair done  I've got Friday off work so I'm popping over to see a friend for a cuppa (no babies involved!) and then on into town to get my hair cut - am looking forward to it! So pleased you've now heard from your clinic and that you're going in to see them so quickly! Sounds like it's all moving forwards again which is great news 

*Pinkpingu* so sorry to hear you had a big row with our DW, this whole bloomin' thing is so difficult isn't it! It can put such pressure on relationship - it can really push us to our limits. I've had times like that with DH and have sobbed my heart out upstairs wondering what the hell I'm doing and how will we ever get through this. But it passes, and we eventually get back on track. I hope you will too, and that everything sorts itself out soon - you need each others support  As for the good friend phoning and not asking after you....pah!! Maybe not such a good friend afterall?! It's so disappointing when friends/family let you down at a time when you most need their support - they just don't get how incredibly stressful and heartbreaking this is 

*Ruby998* glad you've decided to book the holiday  and buying a dress ready for it is great! That will help you to get excited about it and then you'll _really _ look forward to getting away on that well deserved break


----------



## Vickytick

Ruby998. So glad you've decided to go away relax, drink and enjoy yourself remembering who you were before all this started.. 

Rainbow princess agree love the idea of no pg day perhaps we should suggest it - lol - I couldn't keep up with m cycle buddies at the moment it's too raw after 2 weeks. I realises today it's a year since my first failed cycle which was a unwelcome memory

Hugs great idea about the pamper I was thinking about getting my nails done as a treat..great news about the appt you can finally take control again. It's the waiting that is th hardest. It's just one wait after another in this game

Pinkpingu sorry to hear about your row but I don't think our partners will ever understand and I'm sure the drugs don't help. All those hormones and they have to come out...you certainly find out who your friends and family are in this process. My dh family don't give a #### and it's heartbreaking for me as I thought they liked me but it's all about his sister wedding which is getting more attention than Kate and wills...

Prayingforbaby WELCOME you've come to the right place Hun we are all feeling exactly the same and all had difficult times with our other halves recently. It's normal and totally expected its a horrible process than none of us ever though we'd go through. I thought it happened to other people and know there is a lot of people thinking 'there by the grace of god go I' when I tell them.

Nosilab hope you are okay Hun

Littlecarlybean hope you are feeling a bit more positive today huge hugs  

Afm second day without dh but we face timed this morning which was good. Will be weird not least because we cannot ttc as he is away at the crucial time  and perhaps I still believe in miracles not sure how after 3 years.


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Vickytick*, that's lovely that you were able to face time your DH, the wonders of technology eh!  I hope the time passes really quickly for you. I'm like you, and even after all this time I still hold out for a miracle each month even though I know deep down that the chances of that are slim to none  The things we put ourselves through eh!

Well, I've just had a lovely eve with a good friend, sitting in a pub garden in the sunshine  We were discussing another friend who has been signed off work for a week to "take it easy and not get stressed with work" and we both agreed it must be because she's pregnant. This time last year this friend had a m/c and so I am really really happy for her, she is lovely and deserves this, but at the same time it's gonna be so hard seeing her now  We've been meeting up on a weekly basis recently (we work at the same place but in different departments) but I'm not sure how I'm going to continue to do that - it just seems to be one thing after another doesn't it!! All these things are sent to try us and test our emotions! 

Anyway, sorry. Just needed to get that off my chest.....

Hope everyone is doing ok, hugs to all  xx


----------



## prayingforababy

Thank you for your welcome and Hello to everyone on this thread.......

hugs- I hope you enjoy the gym tomorrow   I cancelled my subscription in April after having it for 18mths and only going about 6 times! ha...  Im thinking of starting yoga to help me chill out a little. I hope your clinic gets in touch soon, that is such as long time to leave you hun. Let us know how you get on.

Pinkpingu- Hi, I recognise you from the 2ww thread, sorry to see you here hun. I know exactly how you feel, it's such a hard journey. I too find the time element very frustrating (I am very inpatient). I hope you and your DW have sorted things out. 

Ruby998- Good on you hun for taking a positive look on things. It was refreshing to read your post. A holiday sounds good and retail therapy even better. I too have organised a night out Friday with a good friend to have a few drinks so im hoping that makes me feel a bit better  

Nosilab- Hi hun. Thanks for the hugs. It is a unfair process. Where are you up to with your treatment? xx

Vickytick- Thanks for your kind words. It's good to have a chat with people who understand what you are going through isn't it? Funny you should mention the believing in miracles thing ( I stupidly thought to myself today, Ill work out when Im most fertile and we can go for it........ Then I came back from dream land! ) We sure go through a hard time don't we? xxx

AFM- Ive had a nightmare of a day. I still have no AF but think its on its way as my tummy looks like im pregnant and I have dull cramping. Ive also cried all day and managed to fall out with my DH. He says I push him away and he needs me! I feel really selfish at the moment and angry that my body has gone through all of this for nothing and can't be there for my DH. Is this really bad? I did tell him this and thats when we started to argue! We have kind of sorted things but this has deffo come between us. 

Hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## prayingforababy

Oh forgot to mention...... I too am sick of seeing pregnant women, I went out for lunch today and everyone apart from me was heavily expecting AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! I feel better now thats out! xxx


----------



## lou/s

Hi all both old and newbies had a quick scan through to catch up I am just sitting at airport departure lounge heading home from a fab week in turkey. Was hoping to start natural cycle fet with my 2 remaining frozen embies on my return from holiday but I was due af on Sunday and still nothing making me later than ever  before had my negative cycle in may and June's af on time I am going to phone clinic when I get back just shows you the drugs really do mess you around now thinking I may need the drugs for fet! So annoying!! 
Catch up with you all personals on my return home x


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hi everyone, just wanted to rant a little...

My sister rang earlier following her 20 week scan, she is expecting a boy. She has a 2 year old girl already and I feel so jealous that she now has the perfect 2.4 family. I feel awful for resenting her and being jealous but I can't help feeling that way. She doesn't know about our failed cycle but she does know I'm desperate to be a mummy. Also my colleague is having her 12 week scan next week and I am the only one who knows at work. She had a missed miscarriage earlier in the year so I am very happy for her that she is expecting again and things seem to be going well this time. BUT at the same time I'm struggling listening to her talk about her symptoms etc and because I'm currently her only confidante she is talking to me a lot. This colleague knows about the failed IVF and has been supportive towards me but doesn't seem to get that I'm struggling listening to her pregnant talk. I just want to hide away next Friday when she'll be coming in to work and (hopefully for her) announcing a healthy 12 week pregnancy.  

Enough of me though!

Lou/s I am sorry to hear your AF is taking it's time - typical eh! I hope the clinic can offer some good advice. I'm glad you have been able to get away in the sun for a week, I'm sure it did you the world of good. 

Prayingforababy I recognise you from the other thread. It sucks that we are both on this one now   I hope your AF arrives soon, mine started kast wednesday and is still lurking around causing me to feel more rubbish than I do already. I think it's normal for relationships to get a bit rocky under the circumstances of a failed IVF cycle. I have arrived with my DW to have a date night on Thursday to try to remind each other how important it is that we deal with whats happening together and not separately as we have been doing this week.

Nosilab, sounds like we are in a similar situation at work with pregnant colleagues, I know exactly how you feel. I have one colleague 6 months pregnant and the other one I mentioned earlier on in my post. I'm sick of hearing about pregnancy from them and them moaning about feeling rubbish because of it. Grrr  

(hugs) how did you get on at your review appointment? I hope you got the answers you need and a good plan forward


----------



## Pinkpingu

Ruby - sorry I missed your post. My review is 21st Aug so a few weeks away yet. I am so worried I will get told I'm not suitable to egg share again.


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## Vickytick

Prayingforababy quick one to say my dh says exactly the same thing to me about pushing him away but it's how I cope and always have  - on my own. It's tough for them as well but I think we forget that at times.

Xx


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## Ruby998

Hey ladies, hope you are all ok!

Pinkpingu- I'm sure you will be able to egg share again, can you not ring your clinic just to answer that question? I'm sure they will put your mind at rest. Can completely understand how u feel about your sister and friend- I have a friend that's due a girl in sept and she has a 3 year old boy. Can't help but be jealous!

Prayingforababy- sorry you and dh are arguing, this is such a hard journey and it would be strange if you didn't argue every now and then. It will make u stronger in the end!

Nosilab- I dread the day one of my colleagues gets pregnant before me- I know that sounds selfish but it's my turn next ha. We've a girl at work who got married last month- she only met him in feb!! And I'm expecting her to be pregnant before me : (

Vickytick- aww when is he back? Remember absence makes te heart grow fonder! Enjoy the chick flicks without the sighs (if he's anything like mine ha)

Afm- holiday booked! Crete in 4 weeks whooooo! Also had a call from an acupuncturist that I emailed last week and I'm going to start next week. 

xxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Just a quick question. My boobs are still quite sore which is unusual for me, how long after a failed cycle does this go on for?


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## Vickytick

Pinkpingu ironically mine didnt get sore which is why I knew the cycle failed so sorry I can't answer that. Perhaps it depends on the drugs leaving your body? 

Weirdly I think the time apart is actually doing me and dh good. The last few months have been intense with mc followed by failed cycle, probs with his ex wife and his son is being diagnosed with potential autism at the moment it feels like I've got breathing space to be me alone. It makes me appreciate him a bit more as well.

Ruby998 so happy you booked the holiday 

Lou/s glad you had a good hol isn't it really hot there the moment? 

Hi to everyone else I'm going to have a nice glass of wine tonight and find something that isnt the Olympics on tv.  Xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Hope you're all having a good weekend? Just want to post the link to this thread, not sure if you've already seen it? Sarah needs to get 100,000 signatures (!!) so am trying to help out by spreading the word! 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=288231.0

*Prayingforababy*, I'm just about to start my DE IVF, as in I start my sniffing for DR on the 8th August. It's all getting exciting now but am trying to keep a level head this time around  Sorry to hear about your argument with your DH, hope things have settled down between you now? 

*Lou/s* glad you had a fab holiday in Turkey, bet it was amazing! 

*Pinkpingu* sorry to hear things have been getting you down re your sister  It's totally understandable though so please don't feel bad about how you're feeling. It's so hard to deal with these intense emotions isn't it  Yes sounds like we are in a similar situation at work with colleagues. Although my friend/colleague hasn't made her big announcement as yet, I'm guessing it's still only early days for her. It's hard to explain but knowing this friend as I do and knowing what happened to her last year it's just a huntch at the mo that she's pregnant, but I'm 99.9% certain that she is and that she'll be making an announcement over the next few weeks  Not sure about the sore boobs question, I can't really remember now, but I think they stopped hurting v son after the failed tx.

*Ruby998* yes like you I'm always dreading the next announcement. There has been 3 birth announcements at work over the last couple of weeks and I feel like standing up und shouting "does anyone else wanna make an announcement?!" Just seems to be one thing after another! I have another colleague at work who is getting married middle of next month and I'm dreading a pregnancy announcement from her before the year is out!  Fab news that you have a holiday to Crete booked! 

*Vickytick* glad to hear you're doing ok with DH away, and that it's doing you both some good. I'm sure you'll be stronger than ever when he returns 

Hi to everyone else and hugs to all  xx


----------



## Ruby998

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend- although it's miserable here!

Nosilab- good luck for dr on the 8th- that will soon be here!

Pinkpingu- sorry hun- I only got sore boobs after the trigger and then they went so can't help with that one!

Vickytick- hope you enjoyed your wine and man free tv.

I'm feeling a bit wierd today- started feeling better when we planned and booked the hol but now can't stop working out dates and depressing myself that it's going to be another few months. It feels like a lifetime away! Also as I'm egg sharing I have to be matched to someone else so it could be longer arrgh. Sorry for the negativity- I can't believe how up and down I am

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Afternoon Lovely Ladies sorry i haven't been on since last week got so much to catch up on, will try my best! hope the sun is out where ever you are ladies! 

NosilaB Hey hun hope you doing alright! Wow 8th of Aug is no time, it will be here before you know it how exciting hun  

Vickytrick Hey hun hows you? good i hope   glad your enjoying some time apart from DH sopose it does put things into perspective   hope you enjoyed your wine  

Lou really glad you enjoyed your hol  

Ruby hi hun so glad you booked your Hol hun sounds fab   sorry your not feeling to positive today, get your self hol shopping you'll soon get back into the swing of things hun. Just takes time chin up   

Pinkpingu Hey hun i to cant help with the sore/tender boobs! mine seemed to get a little bigger through both my cycles but never really got sore boobs maybe thats how i knew i wasn't ever bfp...lol 
hope your ok though hun  

Hello to everybody else who i haven't mentioned tinking of you tho!  

AFM Well update from me is had my consultation on Thurs, which was pointless really sat there while he went through my notes which he should of done before hand   he said everything was all good the medication i responded well all the scan was good my frozen embies was good! but just luck wasn't on my side   so we can start another FET in sept long process tho, as i have to take the pill and DR than use patches than tablets so i was pleased with that. But a bit disappointed as we have 3   left and my consultant said i can only transfer 1   but the nurses said we will see on the day   don't know what to think as thats means the other 2 will perish, which i don't want I'm going to try and push for 2 back as this is what i feel is best for me!! after 2 failed cycles with 1 embie on board i feel 2 back will give me a better chance, will have to see sorry for going on...lol 

Love to all


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## Ruby998

Hugs- glad you can start again in sept- hopefully we will be cycle buddies and both get our BFP next time. If I was you I would insist on 2 especially as 2 will go to waste. I really wanted 2 last time and the dr said no but this time I'm insisting and he was fine with that. Are u nhs or private? xx


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## set55

hello ladies

Ruby - i am also going to crete but not till sept  - it can't come soon enough!

Nosilab - not long for u now till it all begins again i know what u mean about keeping a level head about it all.

I'm going back to acupuncture next week after a 3 month break.  Got letter from my clinic as i sent them my blood test results and asked if they recommend i have any other tests.  They said not really needed (they don't believe in immunes) so i have now rec my protocol in the post for next cycle which i'm hoping will start mid sept trying to work out my dates but u never can completely.  
so it all begins again going ring to book in and sign consents.  No changes to my protocol.  Problem is i don't really believe for a minute that its going to work - after things going so well last time and failing  just don't c it happening.  

we have rain/sun/rain/thunder/sun here today hung out my washing this morn think it dried when i was out at mum's 4 sun lunch then got soaked again i managed to take it in b4 it totally   it down.
despite there being far too much sport to choose from on tele i'm still bored waiting for dh to get home from work.  i hear the vodka bottle calling me so must go

ta ra


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## Mrs Cat

Hi all, thank goodness I found you all, I was beginnng to lose it today and realised it might be that I've not had any FF'ers to chat to.  I came on to see if there was anywhere for the BFN'ers and here you all are.  Don't get me wrong I wish there wasnt a need for this board but selfishly I'm really pleased we have somewhere to chat and fab to see some familiar names from the recent cycle buddy thread.

I've had a bit of a read back and it seems we're all going through similar ups and downs, with the majority of time in the down mode.  Sorry to hear about those having partner trouble, that must be really hard.  I think I surprised DH yesterday by announcing I want to get a counsellor as I feel there's lots of horrible stuff bubbling under my skin, he looked a bit surprised.  I guess that's cause on the surface I seem to be coping fine (or maybe its because I announced this on a tube escalator?)  

Question for you all, has anyone else still got achy ovaries?  My right ovary just feels like a stone in my abdomen.  Its like a constant reminder that we can't conceive naturally and is starting to p*ss me off!  I've also had bad lower back ache the past few days.  I realise I've forgotten what normal feels like!

We had our follow up consultation last week and wanted to share what happened in case its of use to anyone else.  He went through all the numbers of what happened and when.  He pretty much said for our age and even with only 4 embryos of which only 2 were any good, we were model IVF'ers up to transfer, so it must have gone wrong after transfer.  He said this is either 1, bad luck or 2, an immune issue.  He said we could get immunes tested for about £1800 but they can't test for everything so he personally thinks its a waste of money.  Instead he would recommend a 2nd cycle on the same protocol/meds but to add steroids just in case it is an immune issue.  

So that's it from me, again really pleased to have found you all but just sorry for the reason that we're all here
x


----------



## lou/s

Hi thanks vickytick hugs and nosilab I had a fab time away and yes it was really hot just what the doctor ordered as they say! 
Af arrived today over a week late feel mixed emotions today as it marks the start if things again which conjures up all the emotions that we all no    
I have to ring clinic in the morning and will commence my natural cyçle fet I queried if natural still ok but they say it is I think next stage is scan in 10 days and go from there!
Ruby998 I would push for 2 to be transferred they offered me 2 straight the way don't no if this is because they don't expect them both to thaw or work or whatever but hey I need to try and be more positive 
Going to visit my best friend tomorrow she had her baby while I was away sounds horrible but not looking forward to it! 
Although I am actually worse with pregnant women than babies 
As allways to all goodnight x


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hello ladies!

Vickytrick, I hope you enjoyed your glass of wine! I'm glad to hear things with your DH are better and time apart is helping  

Nosilab, great news that your DR starts next week. I wish you all the luck in the world for this cycle.  

Ruby, I have similar concerns about egg sharing making the wait for my next cycle longer. My clinic have told me I have to have two cycles before commencing treatment again which will take us to the end of september assuming my cycle gets back on track ok. I emailed my clinic on Friday, as you suggested, to ask about whether I am still eligible for the egg sharing programme and the egg share co-ordinator emailed back later on in the day to say she was on leave but would reply today so I am so nervous about what her reply will say  

Hugs, if I were you I would insist on 2 frosties being put back. Put your foot down. Hopefully the fact the nurse said they will review on the day is a good sign they are willing to budge  

Set, I am a strong advocate of acupuncture so it's good to hear you are resuming your treatment. Try to stay positive, easier said than done I know  

Mrs Cat, welcome to the thread.  I recognise you from the July thread, sorry to see you have ended up here too. I can't help with the ovaries query, mine settled down around a week after collection. My boobs however are still really sore which is unusual for me as I don't really get sore boobs during my AF. I'm assuming with me it's just the drugs still lingering but maybe with you your ovary is still swollen? Either that or you are due to ovulate soon and you are experiencing more soreness than usual because of the tx?
Did the clinic explain much about how the steriods would work and do you have a history of auto-immune problems? Steroids is something I will be asking for next time round as I do have auto-immune problems so I am concerned that is why the cycle failed. I can't afford the testing though. Anyway, I hope you get the support you need through this thread, I have found it a lifesaver.  

Lou/s, I really feel for you having to visit your friend with her new baby. I have cancelled going to my friend's sons' first birthday party this saturday. I feel awful but I just can't face a room full of young babies and their smug mums (not that they will necessarily be smug but you know what I mean!). I'm glad your AF has arrived and you and start preparing for your FET. I can understand why you have mixed emotions, I'm so eager to get going again but at the same time dreading it too. Sending lots of   your way.

Everyone else on here I hope you are all ok and staying positive.

AFM - things with the DW are better, we have chatted about how we are dealing with things differently but that doesn't mean we can't be there for one another. It seems to have helped reunite us again. I'm feeling much more positive now. 

I did another hpt on Saturday as I was still stuck in the slightest hope I could be pregnant despite the bfn and AF. I guess it was because of the sore boobs and tiredness. It was a BFN again, no surprise there but it has helped me rid myself of the hope I was miraculously pregnant and I feel I can move on now. I know it sounds silly that I was still hoping though  

I have done no end of comfort eating since my first BFN but determined this week is a new positive week and I'm back on the fertility diet and supplements. I'm trying to see my first attempt at IVF as a trial run. Looking forward to my review consultation in three weeks time. Also going to Yorkshire on a staycation in two weeks time for our first wedding anniversary so that will take my mind off things. Hopefully the weather will be nice (wishful thinking eh!).

Hoping to hear from my clinic today about whether I can egg share again. Fingers crossed for that


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome *Mrs Cat*, as you say, sorry that you've found us all under these circumstances but you are more than welcome to come and join in the chat, everyone is lovely and very supportive  I didn't have achy ovaries at all, but then I only produced 2 eggs  I think it's quite normal though to feel a few aches etc after a BFN while you're body is regulating itself again, so I'm sure it's fine. Maybe if it continues though you could always give your clinic a quick call  I think it's great you've decided to see a counsellor, I found my sessions really helpful in justifying and analysing my thoughts and feelings. I've put my sessions on hold at the mo, but I know if I need them I can go back whenever I want to, and that's very reassuring. I hope you find them as useful as I did x

Hi *lou/s* Hmmm yes, I'm sure we can all relate to the mixed emotions from a late AF  Sending big hugs to you  I don't think it sounds horrible at all that you're not looking forward to visiting your friend who's just had a baby. In fact I think you're incredibly strong to be visiting her already - I'm not sure I would be able to do the same, so I admire you. My friend is pregnant and not due until end of December and I'm absolutely dreading the visit already! Now that _does _ make me a bit  I just can't imagine sitting next to her with her new born and her asking me if I want to hold him/her! Make me want to cry already! Anyway, good luck with the visit today, hope it all goes well  x

*Pinkpingu*, so so pleased that you and DW are back on track. Sounds like the heart to heart did the trick and I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a lot more positive about things now. Not silly at all about the wishful thinking re the hpt, we've all done the same! I did it only a couple of weeks ago when AF was 4 days late, I knew the chances of me being pg naturally were slim to none but I was still holding on to that glimmer of hope that I might actually achieved a BFP - bu no. So I know exactly how you feel  Huge congrats on your first wedding anniversary! Bet you're looking forward to your time away in Yorkshire (not sure about the weather though!  ).

AFM, not much to update really. Although I think I've really upset my pg friend as we last emailed last Wednesday and I've not heard from her since. My sister visited her last week (they live in the same area) and my sister said how upset my friend is about all this, and how her being pregnant has caused a bit of an awkward situation between us  So think I need to email her again today. Anyway, at least DR starts for me next week, so really not long to go now! Off to Wales for my birthday this weekend, am looking forward to getting away, although I think the weather is going to be a bit poo!! It's usually miserable on my birthday - and yet I always live in hope that August is gonna be hot and sunny, no chance! 

Thanks for all the good luck messages about starting DR 

Hope everyone is ok and has a good week. Hugs to all  xx


----------



## Ruby998

MrsCat- so sorry to see u here but glad you found us! Glad your follow up went well and they are adding in the steroids. My dr said not to worry about immune issues and that it was probably bad luck but I may ask him for steroids. Is it extra? When are u able to start again?

Pinkpingu- good luck with the phone call today- all will be fine and sure u can egg share again! I would recommend cancelling going to the birthday party- I went day after AF arrived (2 days before OTD) and it was torture!! Especially as there were babies and pregnant women! I too think pregnant women are harder to deal with than babies, I thinks it's because I feel I should be pregnant too  

Nosilab- aww hun I'd keep away from pregnant people too, try and text her more and send email that way u can get away without seeing her (how bad does that sound). Try and enjoy your birthday and I hope the weather is nice. Will be the last birthday just the two of you- fingers crossed 

Hi to everyone else- I'm at work so must go!

xxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Ruby, just realised we are going through the same clinic!


----------



## Ruby998

Pinkpingu- ha just realised our dates were exactly the same! Plus same no of eggs- spooky! U had your email yet? When's your actual follow up? I had mine 1 week after but it was a cancellation 

xx


----------



## Ruby998

Ha no they weren't- similar though- we would have been three same day xx


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## Pinkpingu

I am very jealous you got a cancellation Ruby, I was initially told my review would not be until 12th Sept with Dr L but when I pleaded for an earlier date I was given 21st Aug but with the female doctor - can't remember her name. I'm ok with seeing her though as she did my collection and transfer whereas I haven't seen Dr L since I got accepted on to the egg sharing programme. 

I haven't heard back from the clinic yet   I think I'll give them until the end of tomorrow then chase it up. I hate bugging them but knowing whether I can egg share again or not is a huge thing for me. 

Have the clinic given you an idea of how long it will take you to get matched again? As they have no waiting lists at the moment for recipients I am worried this will mean egg sharers have to wait much longer as there are a lot of women to go through treatment. 

Hopefully we will be going through tx around the same time again


----------



## Ruby998

I saw dr Lieberman, he was really nice. I didn't know what to think when I first met him but at my follow up he was great.

The nurse I saw (vicky) told me that there could be a wait and that she would mark my file to say not to even match me for 2 months! I was so peed off. I rang a few days after and spoke to Sam who said she would pass my file to the right person as soon as my bloods were back- I had to have HIV and hep again as apparently they are only valid for 6 months. I'm going to ring her again when I get my August AF. Sam is lovely!

Yeah that would be good- ha I've prob seen u in the waiting room!

Don't worry about egg sharing- dr liebeman said thy as we've only had 1 cycle it's more than likely bad luck rather than bad eggs and that it will be reviewed next time if I get a negative. Did your recepient get pregnant? Mine didn't.

xx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Ladies 

_Ruby_ thanks Hun I'm looking at 3rd time lucky  that will be nice if we was cycle buddies again and to get a BFP for the both of us  I'm deffo pushing for 2 back this time its what feels right! hope you are alright Hun 

_set_ hi Hun not long till sept and you'll be away in lovely Crete jel much ha ha  you'll be cycling the same time as me I'm starting with Sept's AF! my clinic have done zero tests on me and after 2 BFNs I'm convinced its something to do with immunes too, I'm having a smear and some bloods done at my GPs tomorrow so will mention it to the nurse, I'm trying to eliminate anything before i cycle again in sept! hope you get sorted 

_Mrs cat _ big hello and welcome sorry you got a BFN too Hun hope your baring up and are OK, its such a hard process but were all here for you Hun to rant or whatever you want 

_lou/s_ hi Hun your welcome darl just what you needed eh? the sun does you the world of good!  so your soon to start TX exciting times  hope going to see your friend with her baby wasn't to painful 

_pinkpingu_ hi Hun I'm deffo putting my foot down I'm not leaving that place without 2 back on board  bare in mind they all thaw and survive  so glad to hear you and DW are alright now  vacation to Yorkshire (where I'm from and live ) sounds really nice for you both, hope the weather will be nice too 

_NosilaB _ Hi Hun hope your alright? hope you and your can get back on track and resolve things  exciting DR starts next week eeekkk!  you excited Hun? wales sounds brill foryour birthday hope the weather will be good for you too 

_Vicktrick_ Hi lovely hows you Hun? hows you coping with DH away hope your alright? 

AFM well not a great deal to update really weekend was OK/ish didn't really do alot had a bottle of wine on sat night and watched a dvd with DP, yesterday was boring just cant stop eating  but I'm at gym tomorrow I'm doing a Tues/Thurs need to shift some weight before cycling again!

Hello to anyone else i haven't mentioned  love to all


----------



## Vickytick

Mrscat welcome you will findus all in the same boat here with lots a nice chat and undertaking girls. Makes me feel normal anyway...

Pingpingu glad you and dh have managed to have a chat. I'm not great that sort of thing tend to want to o it alone but sometimes we just need to get it out in the open.

Nosilab Id just stay away if it helps you shouldn't need to justify yourself to others people should try to be sensitive to our situation even if pg. Just email back and explain how you feel it's not personal to her.

Lou/s you are braver than me I couldn't go near a pg or baby. The only one I've seen is my ff baby but that's always diff as they've struggled with us.

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay. I see a few ladies will be cycling in sept which is exciting.

Afm haven't heard from new clinic yet not even to say theyve got my referral notes so not happy about that. Have a real fear this is going to go wrong as its never been an easy road getting the IVF in the first place. Have a house full with my sister and family which is starting to take its toll. What with a 14 wk hyper puppy to look after as well as no dh feeling tired and a bit emotionl esp as my neices are scared of the dog which makes him worse...The 10th can't come quick enough(dh return)

Oh well such is life xxx


----------



## Ruby998

Hugs- how did your smear go today? I've got one later this week and going to ask about immune testing. Did your clinic do it? And what did u ask for?? 

xx


----------



## (hugs)

*Ruby * aw thanks Hun smear was OK thanks i get the results back to me between 2-4 weeks fingers crossed, as Ive had abnormal cells before and had another procedure done! i mentioned immune testing and she said it was something i would need to ask my clinic  which i will when i start again but they don't really do out shame really!! I had a routine blood test done, to check liver,kidneys etc and another one to check my thighrode and one more for anemia and iron levels so will see whats in next Mon! Good luck with yours and let me know what they say about immune testing takecare Hun 

Hi to everyone sorry no personals tonight, Ive been to the gym and I'm knackered so bed soon for me


----------



## Ruby998

Hugs- glad it went well. I hate smears! Ha after all the poking and prodding I've had too! My clinic said they don't really do immune testing. I will ask at the drs but I'd be suprised if she knew what I was taking about- that sounds awful, I mean as she's not an ivf expert not because she's no good ha xx


----------



## (hugs)

yeah i know what you mean Ruby  hope you get more answers then i did..lol goodluck with your smear Hun


----------



## Perfectlyflawed

Hello ladies

It's a sad time for me after my recent BFN on Monday. I was hoping I can be welcomed on here to have a moan with people who know what I'm going through.

I see a few ladies from the July thread that I was on.

It seems really silly but I think I built myself up to believing that my forat ivf would just work. I think I listened to the consultant saying my biggest problem was that I wasn't ovulating because of my PCOS although my other half has retrograde ejaculation. We had 1 top grade embryo 8 cell put in on day three and it just didnt take. I don't have a follow up appointment booked yet but the nurse said it's about 6 weeks time which seems so far away to be able to ask what happened and why it went wrong although I feel I will get an 'it's one of those things / bad luck' response.

I don't feel I took to it all very well to be honest. I was on the short protocol for my PCOS but was stimming for 18days before trigger shot when they expected 8-10 days. Most of my follicles were below 10 or just fluid so at EC they only retrieved 8 eggs even though I have a great number of eggs going by hormone tests.

My GP is now trying to put me on a high estrogen contraceptive pull for three months to try and reverse PCOS or something but I'm bit reluctant and worried. I mean, my cycles are few and far between but isn't it bad to take the pill then ttc straight away. Her theory is, it's 8weeks or so until I see the consultants and then the long wait for ivf number 2 under barking and dagenham PCT and about 8-12 weeks before they woukd consider trying stimulated ovulation or iui so why not try contraceptive pill.


I'm considering trying ovation drilling to help. The PCOS came out of nowhere about 2 and a half years ago after hormones went everywhere when I miscarried And I've heard great results from ovaries drilling 


I'm waffling on here. Think I'm just trying to voice the thoughts running around in my head.  

I'm trying to be positive, constructive and plan ahead instead of crying non stop as I have been doing


----------



## Pinkpingu

Welcome perfectlyflawed    I too just assumed that IVF would work first first for me too as the only reason I the treatment is because I'm in a same sex relationship. It came a great shock to me that it failed and I'm struggling to deal with it. I know you will get lots of support from this thread.

Hugs fingers crossed for your smear result, I hope it comes back clear.

Vickytick, I hope the rest of the time until your DH comes back is bearable. My (pregnant) sister is due to visit soon with her husband and 2 year old and I'm dreading it. I find it hard enough at the best of times to have visiters stay over but right now all I want is to be a hermit!

Ruby, I have finally heard back from the clinic, they see no reason why I can't be a sharer again so that's really cheered me up. I don't know if the other lady got pregnant or not yet, I'll hopefully find that out at the review.


----------



## Nosilab

*Vickytick*, thanks I took your advice and emailed my friend (who was very upset with me!) and tried to explain that this is nothing personal towards her or her pregnancy, and that I'm like it all the time with everyone who's pregnant. I think it helped, so thank you 

Hi *(hugs), * I'm ok thanks, I am deffo getting excited about starting DR next week (in fact it's a week today!). Yes am really looking forward to our mini getaway this weekend for my birthday (I'm in denial that it's a milestone birthday  ) We're off to Rhossili which is absolutely beautiful - although I'm not sure it'll be as beautiful in the rain!  How are you at the mo?

Hello and welcome *Perfectlyflawed*, I'm so sorry to see you on this thread with a BFN  , my heart goes out to you. It's such a heartbreaking and devastating time, I remember it well. Like you (and *Pinkpingu*) I too thought my IVF would work first time around. My only reason (so I was told) for not getting pregnant was the fact that I don't ovulate. So why wouldn't it work, of course it would!!! Sadly no. Also, a good friend of mine had gone through IVF just a few months before me and had got a BFP on her first attempt with only having one embryo suitable for transfer. So I thought "well, if it worked for her it's bound to work for me" especially as I had 2 embryos suitable for transfer. Guess it just doesn't work out that way  Anyway, I wanted to send some hugs  and I know you'll get lots of support from the lovely ladies on this thread xx

*Pinkpingu*, fab news that the clinic said you can egg share again!!


----------



## Ruby998

Perfectlyflawed- hi and welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear u got a BFN too. Rant as much as u want, we all understand how u feel! It does get a little better, then bad again and then better again ha ha. Enjoy the wine- it helps lots ha.

Pinkpingu- whoo to egg sharing again! Told u it would be possible, and that consultation will come around fast! Hope u have a nice weekend.


Nosilab- at least u are being honest with your friend- she can't possibly understand how feel. This is your life and u are most important.  None of my friends know and I find it very hard to be around my pregnant friend and all my friends babies but I hope they just think I'm really busy with work. At the end of the day they could ring or visit me! 

Hugs- how long did they say it would take to get your smear results? 

Hi to everyone else

xx


----------



## (hugs)

Hello Lovelies 

*perfectlyflawed* big hello and welcome  so sorry you had a BFN too just horrible isn't it, i feel your pain big  Hun

*Ruby * hi Hun hope your OK? the nurse said I'll get my results sent to me between 2 and 4 weeks so fingers crossed! whens yours Hun? 

*NosilaB * wow a week today you start i remember stating DR it was so exciting!! it is an exciting time i think are you injecting or sniffing Hun? 

*Pinkpingu* thanks Hun  and great news you can egg share 

*vickytrick [/b hows you Hun? did you hear from your clinic? hope the pup is behaving!! 

AFM nothing much happening here  same thing different day!!

love to all *


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you *Ruby998*  And yes, at least I was honest with her, so that has to be a good thing.

Hi *(hugs)* I'll be sniffing, no injections at all for me this time around, just sniffing and then tablets 

Hi to everyone else too


----------



## Perfectlyflawed

Morning everyone

So the bleeding has finally began  

It's heavier and more painful than normal but I suppose that's normal after all our medication.
What a sad moment though. It's silly but I keep thinking 'I wonder why happened to the embryo' and letting my thoughts run away with me when I'm seeing little clots (TMI so I'm sorry). It's dragged me down a little today because it's set me off into thinking about what could have and should have been.

I'm luck because my DP is great. He's letting me sulk and comforting me but not adding anything into my rambles. My sister just had her daughter the day before my ET and she doesn't really 'get' how I feel. There nothing anything people can say unless they've been through it really is there? She keeps saying 'if it's supposed to be then it will' or 'never mind. It will happen next time' but that doesn't help although I know she's trying. 

Others tell me I should be fortunate as I was able to have children before getting with my partner but although I'm so grateful for that and I know how lucky I am, people don't see the need I have to make my partner experience pregnancy and children as he has none of his own. My ex husband was abusive to me & I feel 'saved' by my DP. He's been there for me and the children I have through very hard times (court cases,hospitals and so on) and I'm dying to be able to start fresh, let him feel a proper part of our family and be happy. Babies done fix damage done or create a family but they help supply a bond don't they. We're both desperate for this. 

I'm rambling and probably making no sense lol
I guess I'm saying that people expect us to 'just get pregnant' after years together and our open desperation for a baby together.

I'm kind of obsessed at the moment. Searching what I could do next, how to help my PCOS, ovarian drilling, other fertility treatment I haven't tried as I've only tried clomid and ivf.....I'm being made redundant in 6 weeks so I'm hoping for a decent pay out and then I think a nice holiday to escape would do some good.

I keep thinking of how fortunate we are to have Internet and the ability to come on here and talk with people coming through the same thing. It would be so much harder if I never had you ladies to ramble to and read up on.

Hope you're all staying strong
Xxxxxxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies,

Perfectlyflawed my heart goes out to you. My days are so up and down at the moment, I find moments where I forget about the BFN and my fears for the future but most of the time I'm constantly reminded about it for one reason or another. Because I was so sure my first cycle would work I associated all events happening in the future with me being pregnant. Now the events are coming up, the fact that I am not going to be pregnant for them is a constant reminder. My forthcoming holiday to Yorkshire is the worst reminder. I had imagined it would be an alcohol free one, with me rubbing my belly cruising down the river, or not wanting to 'over do' things. Now I am imagining me drinking alcohol in tears because I should be pregnant and not drinking alcohol. Agghhh! I understand what you are saying about wanting a baby with your partner and to cement your family unit even more. I do think people are less sympathetic of women going through IVF when they have a child or children already, but I think that is so wrong and you have every right to dream of another child and to feel pain when it hasn't happened naturally. My friend has been going through IVF for several years now unsuccessfully and whilst I tried to nderstand what she was going through it has only been since I went through tx and a failed cycle that I feel I understand better. Only a few friends know about my failed cycle and whilst most of them have tried to understand they just haven't got what I am feeling. Comments like it just wasn't meant to be this time, it will happen next time, and comments about how the statistics were against me, are just not helpful and make me want to punch them in the face!! I am glad you have the support of your DP. I too am obsessed with googling and to an extent I think the internet is a life saver but at the same time I think we need to be careful not to let it take over our lives and to limit the amount we are doing. Easier said than done! I hope your AF eases and gets lost quickly, my AF was dreadful - so heavy and painful - and I too analysed every clot that came out wondering if it was my emby. I still sit here wondering what happened to the precious emby I put so much hope into. I guess we are grieving for the loss and need to be kind and gentle to ourselves and allow time to deal with it. Bug   to you hun x

Nosilab - good news on just sniffing and no injections. I bet you are glad to hear there are no needles involved this time. Although I kind of miss injecting myself every evening. Stupid huh! I guess it's because I want to get on with my next cycle. I hope things can be sorted with your friend, I have hidden all my friends with young children or who are pregnant off my ******** feed as I can't deal with seeing their pictures or reading status updates. I feel like a rubbish friend who isn't paying any interest but it's the only way I can deal with things at the moment. x

Hugs I know what you mean about same thing different day. I feel that way at the moment too. Hopefully our days will get better and more positive soon x

Ruby I am so pleased about the egg sharing thing, it has helped my mood a lot, I just hope the next few weeks go quickly as I just want this consultation to happen now! I'm not a patient person lol. Have a good weekend too x


----------



## Pinkpingu

Sorry just need to scream AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My colleague had her 12 week scan today and had taken the day off so was due to announce her pregnancy to colleagues tomorrow. I had booked tomorrow off as I knew it would be a difficult day but she's come in today and announced it. I was so hoping to avoid this day.


----------



## benaboo

Hi girls - got any advice?

I have been ttc the last 2yrs9 months - had a lap and dye in feb that diagnosed stage 4 endo (but didn't treat) but tubes clear and no large cysts. Then had a self funded IVF cycle that ended in a bfn at the start of last month. I was just starting to feel back to normal then went for follow on consultation and the dr said my egg quality had been poor (hadn't expected this) and it has thrown me back a bit. Essentially I responded ok, coasted for 3 days but got 22 eggs, 11 fertilised, but by day 5 they had mostly degraded - they put back an early blast and one at a day 3 stage. They kept the rest (about 3 still going) till the next morning but non suitable for freezing as they had degraded further.  Sperm fine apparently. Transfer was difficult as they couldn't see my cervix but he said once they had found it the transfer bit was ok so he didn't think that had an effect. I also had ovoid double membraned eggs and they recommended assisted hatching for them - which we did. I did all the recommended stuff like not drinking which he said was the only things that would improve egg quality. I also took Royal jelly, bee propolis and all the other supplements recommended on here up until the start of the IVF. 

Went to see nhs endo consultant and he suggested that treating the endo (another more major lap)would improve likelihood of natural pregnancy and IVF, whereas private consultant said that would make no difference. Am on the NHS waiting list for the next lap but will be 3 months waiting list. I know 3 months doesn't sound long but to me it seems forever! I can;t decide whether to do another IVF whilst I wait or whether that would be throwing money away - and it felt like I was putting life on hold whilst I did it - I was pretty grumpy and emotional - plus no holiday left with work...

I can't see how the lap will improve my egg quality - in which case i will prob need IVF anyway so shouldn't wait as can only try naturally for 4 months after before doing ivf as the endo will regrow, so might as well crack on. But if my NHS guy is right and it improves the IVF chances then I would be throwing money down the drain. What do you reckon? 

Medical knowledge or total guesswork both welcome - I just don't know what to do!!!! Thanks


----------



## Vickytick

Welcome to our newbies..join the rants lol.

Hugs I'm with you on this some days are so much harder than others. Some I feel positive others totally despondent.

Pinkpingu that is one reason why I'm glad I not work anymore all the announcements going on used to be like a knife in the heart.

Perfectly flawed unless youve experienced this journey you wil never understand. I remember thinking IVF was the soln to,everything before I was told I needed it. Now the comments just wind up. Esp when people tell me to carry on ttc with IVF when they have no idea how hard the process is emotionally and physically. My dh has a son but I cry everyday that I can't give him what he wants a child he wakes up with and it kills me his ex wife did so I can understand.

Nosilab not long to go until you start which is great news.

Benaboo I've got to wait 6 months before my next cycle - nhs funding but we can get through it I try to focus on events or bdays to look forward to things.

Hi to everyone else.

Afm feeling a bit low really missing dh now (didn't think I would as much) haven't heard fom clinic so I'm going to chase jut to check theyve got my referral stuff from the other clinic. Puppy good getting better. Got a few family issues going on which I could do without I need support not criticism but such is life.

Xx


----------



## Nosilab

*Perfectlyflawed*, everything you say makes perfect sense. It's such a difficult time, so emotional and heartbreaking 

*Pinkpingu*, I just wanted to give you a big hug when I read your last post  That's just so awful for you that you'd tried to protect yourself by being out of the office for your colleagues big announcement tomorrow but it didn't go to plan. Nothing I say can make it feel better so just wanted to send some hugs  Yes I'm very happy that I don't have to inject this time as I'm not a fan of needles at all! To say the least! But obviously I would've done if I'd had to. Pah to ********!! I deactivated completely after my BFN in December as just could bear all the announcements and pics. Haven't missed it one little bit  As for the feeling sad about certain events or times of the year, I totally understand. It's my birthday tomorrow and I was hoping so much that it was going to be a alcohol free celebration and that I'd have to be extra careful with me proudly rubbing my 8 month pregnant tummy, what an amazing 40th birthday present it would have been  Instead I'll be drowning my sorrows with a glass or 2 of wine!

*Benaboo*, I'm really sorry but I don't know very much about endo. It's a difficult call as to whether you should wait 3 months and go for the endo treatment or whether you should get straight back on with IVF. I guess it partly depends on funding/money available to you? I know 3 months does seem like a really long time to wait, but in reality it's very long at all and it might actually give your body the little break from tx that it needs? Has your clinic said that you can get going straight away with another cycle of IVF?

*Vickytick*, sorry to hear you're feeling down, when is DH due home? Hope he's back home with you very soon. Glad to hear puppy is behaving though 

Hi to all xx


----------



## Ruby998

Benaboo- sorry I don't have any answers for you. I know that 3 months seems like years when u are desperate to try again! If the lap increases your chances then I would have it. Most clinics recommend at least 2 periods before starting again anyway. NHS is 6 months! 

Pinkpingu- arrrrrgh! Don't u just wish we could quit work and seeing people until we were pregnant? In fact I wish I could be put to sleep for 3 months and wake up just after a BFP ha ha. Hope your ok.

Vickytick- when is DH back? Aww bet the puppy is keeping u occupied though! Are u still house training him/her? And do u go to training classes? We took ours and it did her good.

Hugs- They wouldn't do my smear today as I haven't had a letter! It's due next month. I explained that I needed it before my next cycle but basically told tough- in a nice way!

AFM- had 1st ever acupuncture today. It was wierd at first but also relaxing. I nearly fell asleep on my way home. She recommends that I go every other week until 6 weeks before and then every week. Not sure how much good it wil do but it can't harm right?!

xxx


----------



## benaboo

Thank you all for your replies - and hope today has gone well (I know what you mean about pregnant colleagues - nightmare...).

My clinic has said I have to wait 1 month between cycles - so could go again this month if we decided. Will keep mulling it over.... 6 months seems a very long time to wait vickytick - hope it goes quick for you. 

Have a good weekend


----------



## Mrs Cat

Hi ladies, I can see there's been some ups & downs for all of us this week. I hope the weekend gives you more ups than downs 

Ruby, you asked me about the immune tests & I think some of the other ladies might be interested too. The Doc told me they'd cost about £1800 but they can't possbly test for every possibe immune issue so even if you do the tests its not guaranteed to help (although I am still considering it, or maybe asking NHS doc how many they can do for us) Instead he recommends using steroids during the cycle at a cost of £180. I found a really interesting page on FF "learning from your failed IVF" sharing the link here just in case you havent seen it: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

Benaboo, I had severe endo and got a referral to a super specialist with work and he said to definitely whip it all out before trying IVF (he sits on the world endo council so am guessing he knows what he's talking about!) While they're inside they can run other checks too, they found 3 other problems with me that would all cause fertility issues, so I'm very glad I had the Op (well I had to have 2 Ops) They then race to get you through cycles before the endo comes back, cause it will. I also participated in some clinical research on endo, apparently its really under funded/researched but one of the big pharma companies is now looking to do a global endo study that hopefully will help answer questions more definitively. I am 39 with low AMH so I took DHEA to help with egg quality, more info on DHEA on above link. We only got 5 eggs but Doc says that's really good for me. 4 out of 5 were all good quality. Who knows whether it was the DHEA, my changed diet etc but I'm guessing the DHEA made a difference. I hope this helps.

Pinkpingu :-( that must have been cr*ppy for you. I'm lucky in that most of the women i work with are all 45+ and so into their careers I doubt anyones is going to talk babies!!

perfectlyflawed, sorry to see you over on this board, but hoping this support network will help you prepare for next steps

Hi to everyone else

AFM, I've decided to unravel all my healthy eating for the month of August to try to enjoy life a bit. So I've had (at least) a glass of wine every night, I'm eating chocolate like we're going into rations and pretty much eating what I like when I like. I'll soon get bored and can then go back into healthy mode to prepare for cycle #2 which we've now agreed will be Oct to give my body a 3mth break

xx


----------



## hopefuls:)

Nosilab happy birthday for tomorrow! Get this, I was bleeding on my 30th birthday!! Not how i planned things!

Hope you girls don't mind me crashing in, technically haven't had mc yet as tey think its an ectopic but I'm still in limbo and waiting to start again.

Pinkpingu hi, yes I feel your pain. I'm dreading going back to work...they were all gossiping i am pregnant as a reason for me being off sick so long Xx 

This is turd  Xx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Girls!!!   hope everyone is well  

Hello and a big welcome to all the newbies  

Ruby hi ya Hun oh no as if they couldn't just do your smear funny buggers arnt they!! i want to start acupunchure  have been looking for some where in my area but its very very expensive   glad you enjoyed it though  

Mrs Cat hi ya Hun i say why not to chocolate and the wine you enjoy it Hun   and thats excellent news on starting TX in Oct  

NosilaB Hi ya Hun not long to go now eeekkk   HAPPY BIRTHDAY chick hope you have a lovely time   

pinkpingu hi Hun hows you doing today? sorry to hear you feel like that with work its bloody horrible isn't it i hate people announcing there pregnant or just telling me like it nothing! it feels like there kicking me in the stomach hard! sending lots of       your way!! 

Vickytrick Hi ya Hun hows you feeling today? hope your feeling abit more upbeat   your dam right there some days are harder than others, what I'm trying to do is keep as busy as poss that i don't have time to think about the sad things   not nice either if your missing your DP aswell, and family issues hope they sort them self's out real soon   and glad to hear your pup is behaving.... 

perfectlyflawed Hi ya Hun hows you today? hope your feeling abit better, nothings never easy is it...my motor at the moment is what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!! and sometimes i believe this to be true!   good that you have the support from your DH which is really good big hugs Hun  

AFM well I'm just taking each day at a time as this is how I'm getting by, like i said earlier I'm trying to keep busy, at home, cleaning, cooking etc... oh and the gym I'm doing 2 nights a week, I'm loving it, but aching a very lot as i haven't done NO exercises for a long time. some days are better than others just depends on my mood(s) oh i had a call from my doctor about my bloods everything was clear apart from my thighrode its slightly high, but she said it wasn't nothing to worry about i have to go back in 3 months time to get it repeated, but she also said if i become pregnant from my next cycle i will be on medication   i don't really know a great deal about the thighrode thing so might have to do abit of research! 
well i hope all you lovely Lady's have a good weekend love to all


----------



## Vickytick

*Nosilab* hope you managed to have a good g'day  I know what you mean it's my sil wedding this month and it's been booked for over 2 yrs. I always said if I wasn't pg or had a child at this wedding I'd go mad - guess I'm going to lose I real soon  my next aim is my 40th in 18months.

*Ruby* glad you liked acupuncture it's weird at first but relaxing..

*Hugs* sounds like a good idea to keep busy. A high thyroid affects fertility mine is low for 'normal' but too high for fertility so have to take drugs but gp won't prescribe so immunes dr does. It affects the development of the foetus so can cause early mc. Worth getting drugs for now I reckon not when you get pg.

*Hopefuls* sorry to hear about your ectopic don't you love he way people gossip then just ask outright questions. Hope it goes okay

*Benaboo* my sister had endo and had an op then told to ttc straight away to make the most of the clear womb she was lucky and fell within 6 months but needed op before both pg. it's worth getting it sorted before your cycle.

*Mrscat* that's a good link it makes me think that my textbook cycle failed because my steroids were too high 40mg and had the opposite affect. Thanks for that. With you on the wine and chocolate. 

Hello to everyone else enjoy your weekend and lots of  xx


----------



## (hugs)

*Vickytrick * thanks for that info regarding my (thyroid)! I have spoken to my doctor and she has reassured me that it isn't in that area for drugs yet, she said its only slightly over but nothing to worry about. So all i can do is take her advice and carry on I'm prepearing my body for round 3..  is there anything you could or would recommend to add anything IE vits or any additional things to help for when i start TX again!! as I'm at a loss now as my doctor wont prescribe anything as she says its not in that area for drugs I'm confussed coz she said if i become pregnant than i may need extra drugs


----------



## Ruby998

Hi ladies hope you are all ok and enjoying th weekend!

Quick question to all of you who have had acupuncture- did any of you start AF right after? I'm not due for another week but started spotting yesterday- like the day before I'm due! An now having slight period cramps. Could the acupuncture on my belly have caused it? Or am I just early due to ivf cycle?

xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Ruby998* I'd say it was IVF cycle. My at has started on d24 when normally I'm d31 so,really early. I can only think its the drugs coming out of my system. I was also early after my mc both times so it must be related.

*Hugs*I don't want to contradict your dr but can only go on what mine said but the accepted normal level is about 3 or something like that and I was slightly under that so not classed as high at all but my immunes dr said and the debeer book says the same that for fertility it should be under 1. This is the reason my gp wont prescribe it for me so i have to do iit privately. Do you know what your level is? Could you go back with facts and question them. The prob is that gps are not fertility experts so can only go on what they know of general practice which is fair enough that's why there are immune drs out there. Take vit d3, vit b6 and 12, I also take aspirin 75mg daily and omega 3 amongst other things - yes I rattle - lol.

Hope that helps


----------



## Ruby998

Thanks vickytick- yep prob all the drugs! I get to go one week earlier whoop! Ha ha still a couple of months away though.

Mrscat- thanks for the link, it was very useful reading!

Hopefuls- sorry you are here too, but welcome and rant as much as u want hun.

Nosilab- happy birthday!!!!! Hope your having a nice weekend.

Hi to everyone else, hope your having a nice weekend! I'm sat enjoying a nice glass of red (2nd large glass) ha.

xxx


----------



## JJ Mum

Hi Ladies, can I join you?  I seem to know lots of you from the recent cycle buddie threads, and would be lovely to stay in contact esp as we are all in the same situation with recent bfns..

I am hoping to have FET in Sept onwards, looking at natural cycle I think as I think my body would prefer to be without the horomes and may have more luck perhaps, but then again it's the luck of the draw and the embryo quality I guess.

Waiting to find out when my review is, either late aug or sept after bfn 27th July.
Anyone else got a plan sorted yet?


----------



## (hugs)

*Vickytrick * thanks for the info Hun regarding my thyroid i haven't a clue what level i am she didn't give me that info  but thanks for the info on the additional vits Ive just ordered a bunch of different ones, I'm back in Oct for another blood test for my thyroid so i will be asking alot more questions next time!!

*JJmum * Big welcome and hello there Hun  yes i think alot of us have found our ways here..ha ha feel free to rant or whatever you want Hun, thats what i do and it seems to be helping me abit because everyone is in very similar situation(s) 
its nice to hear you have a plan Hun i too am having another FET in sept but i have to do the pill and that, so i wont be having the transfer till Oct time wishing you the best of luck big 

Hello to all the other ladies  hope you had a lovely birthday NosilaB


----------



## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies, I hope you all had a good weekend 

*Benaboo* I personally would have the lap done before another tx. Maybe a third opinion would help you decide? One month between cycles is good. My clinic insist on two 

Vickytick Sorry to hear you are having family problems. There's nothing worse than having to deal with other drama's when you have your own personal stuff you need to deal with first. 

Nosilab Thank you for your hug, and a big happy belated birthday. I hope you had a lovely day and the wine helped. 

Ruby I totally wish I could quit work at the moment. I love my job (normally) but right now I'm finding it really difficult. I work with vulnerable children and families and they are hard work and I'm struggling to help them deal with their issues as well as my own! I also had to 'pretend' to be pregnant during group work last Thursday.  The facilitator obviously didn't know bless him but it was traumatic and I couldn't refuse to do it. Thursday was a bad day! I'm glad you found acupuncture relaxing, I started off weekly at the beginning too. I don't think it would make your AF early though, it definitely helps regulate cycles as mine were chronic around 3 years ago until I started acupuncture. I have heard that often the first cycle after IVF is shorter than normal. Do you mind me asking how much vitamin D3, B6 and B12 you take?

Mrs Cat I too have decided to have a month off from healthy eating - it was initially going to be a week but it extended to last week too and now next week I am on holiday so have decided it may as well be the month. My review is on 21st Aug so using that date as a new start. I was so good for the three months before my first tx - no choc, alcohol, only organic dairy and eggs, at least 5 fruit and veg a day, only wholegrains and only drank water. I need to get back on that after my hols but going to cut out sugar as well and I'm in too minds about whether to follow a low GI diet too. Also considering an anti inflammatory diet but just finding it so overwhelming. Enjoy your healthy eating holiday.

Hopefuls Welcome and I am so sorry you are here too. You must be going through hell at the moment not knowing what's happening. I hope your return to work isn't as bad as you think it will be. 

Hugs I admire you going to the gym and keeping busy generally. I'm the opposite, I just don't want to do much even though all the thinking time is driving me crazy. I have an underactive thyroid so I've done a bit of research into thyroid function and fertility. For a hyperthroid (over active) you are recommended to:
1 Cut out all stimulants including chocolate  Don't use cough medicines containing decogestants as they are too stimulating.
2 Cut out foods with iodine (also check vitamins for this too)
3 Avoid foods risk in tyrosine eg port, dairy, fish. Eat almonds, avocado's beans, pumpkins and sesame seads in moderate amounts.
Good foods to eat are: 
1 Goitrogenic foods - cabbage, kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, mustard greeds, pears, peaches, peanuts, pine nuts, swede and turnips.
2 Tempeh in moderate amounts.
3 Thyme reduces thyroid activity so use as much as possible.
4 Radish is a natural thyroid regulator.
Hope this helps. If you haven't got to the point of taking medication for it making some dietary changes may do the trick for your levels.

JJ Mum Welcome and I am very sorry you are here with a BFN too.  I have my review on 21st Aug so hoping to get a plan together then. I didn't get any frosties so will have to do another cycle.

AFM After a horrendous day on Thursday I have had relatively ok days. I'm eating myself silly though and feel really bad about it but trying to allow myself some time off the healthy eating. Done a lot of reading at the weekend as it keeps my mind active but allows me to be lazy which is all I want to be right now. Being in work sucks, I just don't want to be here but I guess life has to go on. I'm on countdown to my holiday on Monday and it's also my DWs birthday this weekend so lots of nice things planned for that too.


----------



## Jo1977

Hi everyone,

Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing this thread but was just after your advice. We had our first IVF/ICSI cycle in June which sadly resulted in a BFN.

We have a consultation booked for early September and are hoping to be accepted on the egg share scheme. 

I have PCOS and my periods are slightly irregular, a normal cycle for me is between 32 and 38 days. Following my BFN I'm now on day 57 with no sign of AF. I've heard it's normal for cycles to be a bit messed up after all those drugs but is a cycle this long really normal? I can normally tell when I've ovulated because my morning temperature goes up but even that hasn't happened this month. 

Love and babydust to you all xx


----------



## (hugs)

Hi everyone 

hello and welcome *Jo* sorry to hear you just had a BFN  don't be daft gatecrash away..lol your more than welcome to rant cry scream or moan thats what i seem to be doing lately..lol

*Pinkpingu * Thanks Hun sometime i really need to push myself though to get my but to the gym..ha ha i really appreciate all that infomation regarding my thyroid thanks very much some intresting food on what can help 
sorry you had such a bad day on Thurs hope you are OK now Hun  I'd carry on eating what you feel like and look at your review app on the 21st as a step to healthy eating again, its so hard though isn't it i love food but i am only small in height, so i look like a fat dumpling...  at least you have a few things planned for the weekend and your DWs birthday!! 

*NosilaB* hows you hunni hope you had a lovely birthday! 

*Vickytrick* hey Hun how you doing? when your DH back? hope those family problems resolved themselves  hows the pup? 

*Ruby* hi Hun how you doing? good i hope  sorry couldn't answer your question regarding acupuncher and your period! 

*Hopefuls* hi Hun hows you? 

*MrsCat* hi ya hunni hope your doing alright? 

*JJmum* hi ya hunni *Benaboo * Hello 

AFM Weekend was boring spent it cleaning, doing the garden and nothing else really seemed to pass very quickly! busy today and tomorrow sorting stuff out for uni, i start my final year in late sept early Oct and i am not looking forward to it one bit  its my birthday on Friday and at the moment I'm feeling abit low as its another year i haven't fallen pregnant or had my longed for baby  Dp is  me off getting in the under my feet doesn't understand why I'm feeling the way i do or doing the things i do to keep me going keep me sane coz if i stop i will just crumble. Oh well enough from me going on hope you all had great weekends


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## Ruby998

Jo- welcome hun, like the others said rant and scream all u want! We all know what your going through!

JJmum- welcome too, I recognise u from June/July thread. Sorry your here too. September will come around quick. I'm hoping to start again around sept/oct but having a fresh go again.

Hopefuls- how are u today? Have you had any more information yet? It must be horrible not knowing what's going on!

Pinkpingu- I'm having a month of whatever I want, including wine every night! I try and tell myself that im happy to be having a drink- that makes me sound like an alcoholic, I'm not honest! So wish I couldn't drink ha. I'm not taking any of those but I'm on pregnacare conception which is supposed to have everything in them that u need. Would u suggest more?

Vickytick- how are u? I've not had AF yet just cramps and spotting so defo all the drugs!!! Grrrr thought I may be early!

Hugs- That's my weekend every week! Work sat morn, then clean then drink wine ha them sun chill. What u doing at uni? Life is so cruel but perhaps your meant to get pg next cycle so u can have baby just after your exams!? Wouldn't u have been having baby just before exams if it would have worked this time? Fate and all that although still cruel.
Hi to everyone else!

Nothing new with me. Going to ring the clinic and bug them to match me! xxxx


----------



## (hugs)

*Ruby* I'm doing my foundation degree in learning support Hun its to be a higher level teaching assistant! if my fresh cycle last year in Dec would have been a BFP than i would have been giving birth this month  and my recent BFN would have been a BFP than i would have been due in March and i graduate in July hopefully  but life is very cruel and I'm hoping this next cycle is meant to be 3rd time lucky


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## Mrs Cat

Hi girls, a bit of nutrition info you might be interested in here ...

pinkpingu, OMG how hard that role play must have been, I wouldnt have been able to without breaking down - well done you!  Re diet stuff, I've had some really good support from a nutrionist (who featured on the GMTV baby race some years back if anyone remembers that!)  The basics are a balance diet + don't use sugar based foods to snack on as they create adrenalin peaks & troughs.  The adrenalin your body uses to survive the troughs is being directed away from your sex hormones which you of course need to make a baby.  So basically you need a balanced protein based diet to keep you constant, e.g. eat protein every 3 hours.  So I'd eat eggs, porridge or toast with peanut butter for breakfast.  Then a smoothie & handful of nuts (very easy protein) mid AM.  Whatever at lunch, chicken/fish/cheese salad/sandwich.  Then fruit & nuts in the afternoon and meat/fish + veg in the evening.  The nutrionist is also very realistic (and Zita says the same in her book) don't cut out all treats otherwise you'll crave them.  But if you have something sugary have it after your meal as the protein helps balance it out.  I have discovered all sorts of healthier cake recipes on bbcgoodfood.com, give them a go they're about half the normal sugar/fat and delicious!  I also have 2 squares of dark chocolate a day as a treat 

Whilst our round 1 didnt work, the consultant shared he was very impressed with our egg & sperm quality for our age which he assumes is down to our diet + supplements.

Hope this helps
x


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## Ruby998

Hugs- life's a b***h! But this next time is the one! Fight to have 2 put back. I will be doing. Just think fingers crossed u will graduate and have a baby within a couple of months! 2013 will be fab xx


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## hopefuls:)

Hi girls my scan showed I have no pregnancy left in me, just the hormones and 13
Mm lining, tonight af arrived, so there you have it. It feels final now and I'm feeling better, got work to go to tomorrow  but have to go back at some point, and at least I got to see the showhumping today 
Got to keep going for bloods til hcg is down, and got appt in oct to look forward to. My fella is hintingat getting wed (although we are broke lol) after I said I didnt want to have different surname to baby heehee, might get a rock yet!

Mrs cat I read that to my man and it is very useful, thanks! Have you got Zita west things? I might buy the book if she has one out Xx

Hi ruby hope you are well, bully the clinic til they sort a match out  Xx

Hugs yes lifes a *****! We will get there though,use the down time to do things you want to,and won't get the chance when pregnant...I recommend skydiving!! X

Ruby I hope you are coping and getting over things too Xx are you having more treatment? Xx

Hello to any one i missed, my phone is a nightmare to read this Xx


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## set55

heeeeelllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooo

my my what alot or reading back i've had to do.

Benaboo - i have low eggs numbers and have had two cycles but my egg quality improved alot on the second.  i put this down to a few things it may be some or all of them that played a part.
1) different stimm drug menopur
2) acupuncture on cycle 2 not cycle 1 both during and for a few months leading up to it
3) tried to eat a diet high in protein - for me that meant lots of dairy  and chicken as i don't eat any red meat 
so u could try and adjust your diet and  c if acc is an option for u? i don't know about the lap and dye issue i'm afraid.  three months in the grand scale of things isn't too long to wait if it gets u your bfp as with many things there are differing opinions from docs and prob no right or wrong answers.  

(hugs) it will be third time lucky for you (and hopefully me)

afm - went back to acc last week after a two/three month break can't remember which.  Have got app booked for signing consents and picking  up drugs next week.  if i have calculated right it will mean that i will start dr inj whilst on hol in sept. My bloods i had done with gp all came back within normal range and i sent these on to clinic to ask if they would recommend anymore with them which i would have to pay for but they said no.  my acc thinks my thyroid result may have been slightly out of range for fertility but she's got the results at the mo so can't compare it to the figs u were talking about.

i'm not really doing much re diet at the minute or exercise watching too much olympics!!!!

anyway may check in later
ta ra


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## Ruby998

Mrs cat- thanks for the info- very useful!

Hopefuls- so sorry hun, hope your ok!

Set55- ooh sept will be here very soon. Is it Crete your going? 

Afm- I rang and spoke to the clinic today and it looks as though I won't be matched for September! Gutted as I really want to start again. My options now are to 1 pay for my own cycle which is £5k- no chance! 2- wait to be matched which may be sept but then could be another 4 months or 3- if I'm not matched have my frozen transferred. Now I know most will say frozen but I've I ly got one and scared that it won't thaw or if it does ive got a smaller chance as the best was put back first! My plan was to cycle again have 2 put back and IF any to freeze at least my next frozen would be with 2.

Sorry for the rambling just really confused! The frozen will cost me £1k which is more than a fresh egg share but im going out of my mind- want to be pregnant like last month! Ha

xxx


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## Pinkpingu

Ruby that's a really tough decision. I suspected the clinic would have long waiting lists to be matched, is that why they said it could be 4 months? I can see why you would worry about having one frostie put back but many ladies do get a BFP from a single FET. Sending  

Mrs Cat thanks for that info on diet. Did your Nutritionalist say how much protein is enough? I've read too much can affect fertility too! So confusing  

Hello to everyone else


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## Ruby998

Pinkpingu- no they never said how long but said there were quite a few infront of me, I'm guessing max 4 months but may be wrong! They kept saying IF you are matched by sept and there is quite a wait at the moment. I doubt it will be sept. Grrrr typical! I know deep down I should wait and be patient but it's sooo hard. I need a lottery win. See if you can get timescales at your app- they are so reluctant to give them xx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Lovelies  

Ruby Thanks Hun, sorry to read the dilemma your in at the moment i can totally understand were you are coming from what a decision ey Hun! the wait is the hardiest thing to do its a killer the not knowing, i really hope and   they find you a match ASAP  

hopefuls big hugs Hun    my heart goes out to you so sorry  

Set55 great news on starting DR in sept time while your away aswell! enjoy the Olympics  

Big Hello to the rest of the lovely ladies!

AFM been to gym and i am knackered thats what having the weekend off does for you..he he I got my smear results and all is normal so big smiles there   I have also found someone who does acupuncher in my area so booked in for the 3rd of sept to kick start my cycle first time doing it so bit nervous lol busy tomorrow buying gifts for my friends birthday and my aunty's wedding on sat, got a busy weekend ahead my birthday on Fri and wedding on sat


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Just wanted to drop in quickly and say a massive thank you for all my lovely birthday wishes.  I've finally hit the big 4.0.!!  Mixed feelings about that really  

Started DR today, so I guess I'm now supposed to go and find a 'new home' but it all just feels a bit weird still.  Hope everyone is doing ok, I'm struggling to keep up with you all now, it's so nice to see this is still such a supportive thread, you're a great bunch of ladies and a massive thank you for all your wonderful support over the last few months - you've all be fab!  

Love 'n' hugs to all xxx


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## Mel81

Hi ladies please can I join this thread? Just finished 1st icsi had a bfp on OTD then retested 2days later (yest) and bfn. Went for bloods definitely bfn hcg was 2 so looks like it tried to implant then failed. I'm so upset I can't stop crying feel like I don't want to see or spk to anyone apart from dh and my mum I just don't know how I'm gonna pick myself and move on from this. I've had a panic attack this morning. I'm going to see the counsellor this afternoon I just want to move on and focus on next go as I have my 2 little frosties waiting. 

Sorry for the complete neg me post I'm just feeling so sad xxxx


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## Pinkpingu

Just a quick post to welcome Mel. Sorry to see you here and big   from me. It's good that you are going to see the counsellor and are looking at future plans. I had my BFN on 21st July and still struggling to deal with it but I promise the days do get easier. Spend some time looking after yourself and your DH, have a pamper, drink wine, eat chocolate or whatever helps you get through this horrible time. I know it's easy for me to say this but the fact you got a BFP initially is good news and shows that you are capable of implantation so it bodes well for your next tx. Feel free to express your sadness, scream, rant and rave on here if it helps


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## hopefuls:)

Totally agree with pingu, Mel I'm so sorry Xxx cry it out hun its awful but time is the key to getting over this, and not bottling it up. I'm bleeding clots and am at work dealing with ****bags who are pregnant and stood smoking at their front door Xx


----------



## (hugs)

* Mel* Hi there Hun i reconsided your name off the June/July thread I'm so so sorry to read your sad news Hun a massive hug from me  i know at the moment your properly thinking alsorts of things but like the other ladies have already said you need some (ME) now to get your head around things to grieve because in a way we all grieve for what we could have and would have had, its awful feeling like this! but your in good hands here the ladies are truly lovely and were all in very similar situation(s)


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## Vickytick

*Mel* I can't put it any better than the other ladies but just remember that what you are feeling is perfectly normal whatever anyone says. Rant, rave do all me posts everyone on this lovely thread has been through it and will support you. You may feel alone but not on here..huge hugs 

*Nosilab* such lovely words and the best of luck with this cycle  xx

*Hugs* sounds like you've got a nice busy weekend.

Hello and hugs to everyone else. Xx


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## Mel81

Thanks everyone Such lovely things to say I went to see the counsellor and am feeling a little better I've stopped crying at least! Gonna try and get a bit of normality back and spend time with dh good thing is we're closer than ever he really has been amazing so gonna look forward to our holiday in sept then do fet hopefully sept/oct give myself time to recover. I've have made a decision I'm never doing a hpt again it's been so traumatic I will ask for blood test next time I'll tell them that at my follow up! 

Lovely talking to you all thanku so much our turn will come! 

Xxx


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## Mel81

Hugs I recognise you too how are you? Looks like we'll be doing FET same time xxxx


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## Mrs Cat

pinkpingu, she said you'd have to be seriously overeating for it to be too much, like body builders do.  She's not keen on the protein shakes and says as long as you're not having steak & eggs for breakfast, lunch & dinner all's fine.  Sounds a cliche, but its everything in moderation, so have an egg for breakfast but with wholegrain toast for fibre and juice/smoothie for vitamins etc

hopefuls, you can tell DH that the consultant was seriously impressed by DH's swimmers!!  I don't remember all the numbers but I remember the nutrionist saying aim for "super sperm" and it seems we got there (I see we as I force fed him supplements & the healthy food ;-)  He took eskimo high strength fish oil and viridian multi vits so we'll be doing that all over again (we'll need to after the amount of sugary treats and wine we've had in the past few weeks)

Hi all, good to read all the updates and see people's latest.

AFM, first counsellor visit tomorrow so looking forward to offloading a bit.  October seems a long way away so I'm forgetting round 2 until Sep 1st, just my way of coping 

Off to the Olympics tomorrow- so very excited, sort of a consolation gift to ourselves!

xx


----------



## hopefuls:)

Hi girls hope all are well, Mel am glad you feeling better xx

I went back to work to early and I ended up in a lot of pain today which i was writhing around in bed screaming my head off like I was having contraction type pains, if they were lile contractions I would be useless. Ended up in hospital again, just as i got there I felt I'd 'passed' something and had a blub. Went to the toilet and a white and red blob came out into toilet, and mad as i am I scooped it out, my oh told the nurse and its been sent off for testing. Pains are not nice and will be around for a few days yet, its like a constant reminder of what happened  hcg test tomorrow as went up slightly yest.

Hope this is a lesson we don't have to learn again! Am off sick tomorrow, sod them. Got glass of red first one in months, got headache already lol how is everyone else?? Xx


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## Ruby998

Oh hopefuls how terrible, hope you are ok. Take as much time off work as u need and don't rush back. It will still be there! And grrrr to the smoking pregnant people, that really gets on my nerves!

Mel- so sorry to see u here too. Welcome though and as the others have said rant as much as u want.

Nosilab- wow that's come around quick- good luck! And keep us updated.

Mrscat- good luck tomorrow. 

xxx


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## Nosilab

Thank you very much *Ruby998 * and *Vickytick *  xxx

Sending loads of luck to all you lovely ladies too      xxx


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## Vickytick

*Hopefuls*sorry you are in pain but if you think about it it will be like contractions as you've had an embryo implanted so your body is expelling it. Horrible but true. Try to rest up as much as you can and yes sod work for the moment your health is more important. Agree with smoking I wanted to punch this girl,that did at my work blatantly in front of everyone (smoking not me punching -lol) they dont deserve children.

*Mrscat*good luck with the counsellor today offload it will make you feel better. Enjoy the Olympics.

Hello to everyone else.

*Afm* feeling a bit low today getting sick of famouse people announcing pg when they've been with their partner all of 5 mins first Imogen Thomas and today fearne cotton. I know it's silly but I get so upset and think its so unfair when I've been trying for soooooo long now. Everyone keeps telling me I'm way too negative and anti the world at the moment. It's true but I see it all as a personal slight against me nothing appears to be going my way and I'm just feeling that I'll never get pg and that scares me the finality of its getting closer and closer...not sure how to get myself out of it if I'm honest.


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## Perfectlyflawed

Morning all,or rather, good afternoon lol

Vickytick- you've summed home I feel down to a T. I get so jealous and angry whenever someone announces theyre pregnant. Even celebs. It's so hard not to feel it's a personal attack on yourself and start hating every part of your life. I'm so down and negative. I've avoided seeing anyone for 3 weeks now because I get ao angry. My best mates are pregnant or with a newborn and my sister has her Lil one that was born the day before my ET. I can't bare to be around my own niece because of it all. The day that she was born, I held her and I actually thought 'this will be me in 9 months' but now I know it's not, it's heartbreaking. 

Oh, and my sister smoked all through her pregnancy & her,my other sister and mum all said 'see....you lectured for nothing. We all smoked throughout tye pregnancy and nothing from with any of the babies'. They don't see why I get sooooo angry. Not only is it disgusting and I feel it's a form of child abuse before the child is even born but I feel rage that I do everything correctly and healthily yet I can't get pregnant.

My sister that's two years younger than me texted me last night to tell me her and her mr are trying for number two next month. Why tell me that? I mean, she knows I've failed my ivf and the low feelings I'm experiencing so why not just keep it to herself until she's pregnant. I don't get it?!

Look at me....ranting on. I'm just so angry today


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## Vickytick

Perfectly flawed  - thank you for making me feel normal...I really wish people opulent give their opinions on my ttc or tell me about how easily they got pg. trying for 6 months is not the [email protected]@@y same as what we go through. I lock itself away at home a lot an advantage of not working if it wasnt for the puppy I'd rarely leave just because people at the moment are getting on my nerves. We will get through the we have to believe that...xx


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## Mel81

Hi ladies 

Perfectly flawed and vickytick omg Im feeling exactly the same it's so good to come on here and have a rant and to know we are all going through the same thing. My friends have been trying to get me to go for lunch or round one of there houses but they all have little ones, one has a newborn and one is heavily pregnant with her 2nd and I was the first to start trying and they've all overtaken me with they're little 'surprises' oh I feel so awful for for saying that but I just can't face anyone atm only dh and my mum. I don't need reassurance that it will happen and keep my chin up. We've decided next time we are only telling our parents easier that way x

Hopefuls hope your feeling ok today Hun I'm having terrible cramps and very dark spotting today in a way feel like I'll feel better after a bleed like closure somehow. I still have 3 wks off i just can't face going back yet x

Mrscat have a great time at Olympics hope counselling session went well I found mine quite useful spent most of it in tears but good to get it out x

Pinkpingu I've have taken your advice treating myself to a bottle of coke last night havent had it for ages whilst on treatment so it tastes soo good! And I'm going to have some wine this weekend! X

Hi everyone else x

AFM feeling a little better today I'm still waking up early things going on in my head but managed to sleep until 6 today which was quite good. Im finding the mornings more difficult had a few tears this morning but not as bad as yest. Gonna spent the afternoon watching silly American films that I've been recording to keep me distracted starting with Hall Pass. Tummys really cramping now  

Xxxx


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## Ruby998

Grrr I feel the same too! Fern cotton now! That was new to me, didn't even know she had a bf.  I read about that Imogen yesterday- she's not even a nice person little cheat ha I'm nice! Why not me ha ha. It does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. My dh wants us to go to a christening in 2 weeks- his friend (who we never see) and his girlfriend smoked all the way through. Everyone kept commenting how tiny her bump was and I felt like screaming it's because she's smoking u retards!! Ha anyway were not going- dh has been told!

xxx


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## hopefuls:)

girls- agreed on the fern cotton saga lol the lucky b**ch!!  nah am happy for her but clearly mega jealous!!  mel am glad you a bit better, just takes time to get a bit of closure.  i had to go and have another chat with docs, and made me laugh as he "broke the news it didnt work this time"...hmmm i kind of worked that out!  He said it was a biochemical pregnancy- quite a cruel term....but thats that.  

fsh is 9.9 so i want to try and bring that down before october.  how are we all?  i had my first glass of wine yest, one glass and i was knocked out!!  xx


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## Vickytick

I'm feeling better today as dh is home tonight after 3 weeks in NY - nice for him although apparently he did do some work not sure when he just keeps telling me about the rooftop bars he's been to..so at least we can get back to ttc naturally ( well miracles might happen). Getting a bit fed up with the wait everyone I know who failed when I did is ttc agin in Oct but I've got to wait until Dec which is forever. Barts have my referral. One of the girls on the Barts thread gave me a direct email address so I contacted them. They are 'checking' something with my pct not sure what though?!

Glad you ladies feel like me. I can't say enough how this thread has helped me over the last few weeks to feel normal and let out my rants. Saves dh getting it in the neck - lol. Maybe that's why he agreed to 3 weeks in NY 

The weather is nice here so I'm cleaning then going to sit outside and get a tan...xx


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## Perfectlyflawed

Morning Vickytick

It's nice here too and I get the day off to go and sit in the park. Think I might brave it and meet up with my sister who decided to announce she ttc again *shrugs* my two year old nephew has been asking for me ao I can't refuse his pleas to go to the park can I? Lol not looking forward to putting the brave face on. I know it's been 11 days since official BFN but I just feel in a 'flump' like everything's dragging me down. Add into the mix that my DP has accepted extra work so i'm left to my own thoughts most of the time. He said he wants to try and save as much as he can so we can try and pay for a round of ivf ourselves but with my upcoming redundancy, that doesn't seem like an option.

I haven't had my follow-up appointment yet but from what I gather, it's back on the waiting list which means a full 6-9 month wait until round 2 for me. I Waited 9 months for this round. I just hope Homerton give me something to try between now and then. Maybe try ovarian drilling and clomid again? Iui? Something!


----------



## Mel81

Hi everyone just need a rant was feeling better this morning more positive and less tearful so thought I'd face going out so me and my mum popped to asda. Whilst in there bumped into one of my mums work friends whose daughter went to my school and she says to me you've got a little baby haven't you? My response "no", then she says Claire's got a 16 month old, me "oh" and then I had to go and get some beans cos I could feel my eyes welling up and now I'm home and it's started me off again. Why do people always have to ask about baby's and wether I've got any just cos I'm married. Some people are so bloody insensitive I know it was just a harmless comment but it was like a punch in the stomach. Sorry just needed to have a little rant. I'm supposed to be going for a meal tonight with some friends a few know about what's been going on, I don't know whether to go now not sure I'm ready to face anyone yet i think I'll have a rest and see how I feel.

Hope everyone's having a better day than me! Xxxx


----------



## hopefuls:)

Mel that's awful, I bet she would have been mortified if she knewbshe upset you, but that's the thing when we are all having to do this in kind of secret. Poor you hun we all are feeling raw at min and things like that happening are magnified, very tough time but will ease off a bit over time. Why don't you go and see how you feel hun, try to get the others to tell a few funny drunk stories or something to take your mind off it. Unfortnately at our age babies are mentioned a lot.  but you will have your time next time Xx


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## Vickytick

*Mel181* it's up to you and I can't talk as I avoided my sil hen night as I wasn't ready but that was because there were going to be people who I didn't know and his mum who is so insensitive she's from the 'oh it will happen brigade'. BUT I did meet up with my ff group and found that okay. You might find it helps to get out for a while esp if they know the situation or some do. As for people expecting you to have kids I suppose we were all guilty of that before we endured this journey ourselves. Even now I find myself wondering why some only have 1 child etc And I'm ttc. Doesn't make it easier but I'm blunt and say I can't have children not strictly true YET but if you ask me a personal question expect to be made to feel uneasy if you don't like the reply.

*Perfectlyflawed* the hardest thing about nhs funding is the waiting. Dont get me wrong I totally appreciate and am extremely grateful for it but the waiting is a killer as you feel like your life is on hold for this one dream. Something no one understands unless they are ttc. Hopefuls has spoken very wise words and I totally agree. It's hard as you get older everyone has kids so you feel left out of the chat. I dread being an old mum at the school gates.

Tried cooking cookies today not overly successful as thy look more like cakes but it's my welcome home for hubby. Mind you not sure he'll thank me if I poison him - lol

Xx


----------



## Mel81

Hopefuls thanks hun I think your right we are raw and it's going to take time but I suppose it will get easier as time goes on. How are you feeling today? I'm having terrible cramps now and very heavy bleeding which probably doesn't help things like you said a reminder of things xx

Vickytick yes that's right But some people seem to be soo blunt it's just human nature I suppose! Cookies sound yummy think I'm gonna do some baking this weekend I find it therapeutic! xx

So I've had a little nap and am feeling better do think I'm gonna brave it and go I'm quite looking forward to getting my makeup on and having a glass of wine and a meal! Have a nice evening everyone xxx


----------



## benaboo

*Hopefuls* so sorry that you have had such a rotten time.

Hugs to everyone. Thanks for the advice on acupuncture etc - deffo giving everything some thought.

I got a date for my op and its 1st oct - too soon to fit in an ivf in between, so that's decision made for me. Fingers crossed it goes well and does the trick!

Have you all have a relaxing weekend in the sunshine


----------



## Leah66

2am thoughts   rambles!

After my first failed cycle I couldn't wait to try again with a second Ivf/icsi, after the second failed cycle I'm having mixed feelings approaching my third IVF/ICSI.
One part of me is excited, trying to stay positive and hoping that just maybe it will be third time lucky?
But the other side..  I can't help grieving for the ones that didn't work out, Its like I don't want to try again because I still want the others to have worked, although they clearly didn't.

Both my cycles failed because I have such "poor egg quality"  But no Dr can tell me why, or what I can do to improve them. So is it pointless hoping for luck when a specialist Dr can't give me an answer?

Times ticking on wether to go again next month, if I don't.. then I can't start again until next year due to work commitments. I'm feeling the pressure of my Husband too, god bless him, he's so positive and he just can't wait to get started again. I just feel tired!

Maybe 3 full cycles of IVF in the space of 8 months is just a little too much. 
But hey, it's hard to get off this roller coaster once your on it!

Thank you all for allowing ladies like me to have space and time to display our thought!
I'm going to try and get some beauty sleep. 
Sweet dreams x


----------



## Mel81

Morning everyone

Leah bless you my crazy thoughts seem to start at about 5 am although I had a large glass of wine last night so slept until 8.30 first time that's happened in weeks! I think it really is individual on how long to wait between cycles, when I realised mine had failed my first thought was get my frostie back in me in 2 weeks time, crack straight on! But then once I'd calmed down a bit I feel there's not the urgency there anymore I need my body an mind to recover and just try and get a bit of normality back! I think by the time we've had our hol in sept we will be ready to go for it but if not might leave it a bit longer, but if you feel that your ready then go for it! But if you need a rest then maybe you should listen to your body and take some time out and have a fabulous Christmas cos before we know it will be here! Maybe even have a winter break somewhere just an idea hope you come to the decision that's right for you hun xxx

Well I braved it and went out last night and had a really nice time! So nice to just do something normal and talk about normal things! There was a few moments when I overheard baby talk as 2 girls have newborns but I just ignored it and started up new convo with someone else, I'm learning that we have to protect ourselves. Some of my friends were going for drinks after but I decided to come home I didn't want to end up really drunk then start getting emosh, and dh was at home and I know it sounds silly but I was missing him I seem to have become so clingy to him recently although he doesn't seem to mind! I suppose it's better than pushing him away. Anyway enough of me waffling hows everyone doing? I'm hoping for a nice relaxing weekend.

Have a nice weekend everyone xxxx


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## Ruby998

Morning ladies, hope you are all having a nice weekend!

Leah- oh hun that's no good being awake at that time. I was told by my dr that you can't change egg quality BUT that contradicts things that I read! Plenty of protein and fresh fruit and veg. A lot of ladies when stimming try protein shakes (whey to go protein shakes). Have u tried anything like this? Worth a shot on your next go.

Mel- glad u had a good time. I avoid going out with friends at all costs- we always end up talking babies (cos they all have one or two)!!! 

Well my period has arrived!! Bang on time but it's so wierd as I felt like it was coming a week ago. I'm going to ring the clinic on mon and start getting matched. Hopefully I will be good to go on my next period, if I'm not matched then we've decided to have our frozen embie.

Love to all

xxx


----------



## Ruby998

Oh benaboo- I think it's the right decision xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Hello everyone 

Hello and welcome *Leah66* I don't know much about egg quality so cant answer your question but i totally understand how you are feeling, as I'm feeling the same due to start with Sept's AF this will also be my 3rd time and I'm hoping it is a lucky one! hope you get some answers, have you looked on the forum Hun

*Benaboo* hey Hun i too think its the right decision! hope you are well 

*Ruby * hey Hun nice to see you have made a decision regarding TX i hope you get a match as soon as  an if not you still have your little frostie 

*Mel * Hi Hun I'm so glad you ended up having a good night out  your deffo right about how nice it can be to have a normal night out without thinking about IVF stuff!! drives you crazy having a break is good too 

*Hopefuls * hi Hun sorry to hear you not having such a good time at the mo, i hope things improve for you soon Hun big hug 

*Vickytrick* Hi ya Hun glad to hear your hubby is back home good luck with ttc  did he like the cookies?

*Perfectlyflawed * Hi Hun hows you? hope you get a follow up soon Hun if you haven't heared out in a few weeks I'd chase them up 

*NosilaB * hi ya Hun hows you doing good i hope  hows the DRing going, have you made progress and moved on to next stage yet Hun hope you aren't suffering with too many side effects 

*Pinkpingu * Hi ya hunni hows you doing good i hope? 

Hello to anyone i haven't mentioned 

AFM well what a weekend Ive had lots an lots of wine/beers my poor liver is feeling it today  i was 28 on Friday didn't really feel like my birthday went for a meal with my mum nephew and DP had a few glasses of wine, than was at my aunties wedding yesterday was a wee bit drunk last night too, i also avoided the baby talk but my cousin was there she already has 3boys and is now pregnant with her 3rd and she due in Nov having a little girl  i don't mean to sound selfish or ungrateful for what i have in my life but it seems all my family/friends have what i cant have! 
I'm feeling in a funny mood today with the upcoming TX thinking whats the point and the fact its been another year with NO pregnancy or baby really upsets me i feel on a downer today keep getting emotional at daft things so think AF will be due anytime soon. just needed to rant and this seems to be the only place i can!


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## Ruby998

Hugs- Happy belated birthday!! I'm 28 in a few weeks and do not feel like celebrating! It's another reminder that I'm not pregnant. I always think right by Xmas I will be, then it's by dh bday then my bday then Xmas again....... So I know how u feel! We got invited to a family meal today where there would be 2 babies and 1 pregnant so I told dh we weren't going. He said I can't avoid people forever. I know he's right but I really can't stand socialising at the mo. especially with pregnant people!!!! Problem is there will always be one! I know it's months off but I'm absolutely dreading Xmas if my next tx doesn't work. Should I really be feeling like this when Xmas is so far away??

xx


----------



## (hugs)

Ruby thanks Hun! yeah thats how i was and am feeling not like celebrating! it was mine than its DPs b.day in Oct than oh Xmas which i too arnt looking forward to if i get another BFN i know i shouldn't be feeling like this but i really cant help it wish i could i mean the way i keep looking at it is the 1st, 2nd time haven't worked so why is the 3rd time going to work driving myself mad i mean i really don't know how i am going to feel if it don't work and Xmas is going to be just a round the corner i usually love chrimbo and all the things that go with it, but when i got my 1st bfn last Xmas it destroyed it and me so heres hoping for a better result for us all Hun! i can understand your DH saying you cant avoid people forever but why not i haven't spoken to DPs mum for weeks at the moment i think she is a selfish cow after my bfn last month she didn't even say sorry or ring or txt or anything so when i got totally drunk and cryed my eyes out to DP she told his mum off, she than popped round the next day and i felt  weeks later haven't heared off her again but what sickens me the most is as you know it was my b.day on Fri and i haven't even had a card off her my dp said there all at her house but why couldn't she have posted them i mean i only live 10/15 Min's away from her! Oh some people really make me feel sick at times!
look at me going on again just wanted to tell you that your not alone Hun


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## Ruby998

Thanks hugs. Aww your mil would really pee me off. That's horrid that she hadn't even sent your card, it's your birthday why is it upto you to go and get it? None of our friend and family know apart from my muand out tx and I don't know whether that is better or worse. My mil spends every weekend with my hubbies brother wife and baby, I mean EVERY. So whenever we visit they are there, whenever they visit they are there. Don't get me wrong my niece is soooo cute but seriously sometimes I don't want them around. They are so clicky and I just feel I dont fit in- i dont talk baby talk ha. Anyways this time will be ours!! 
xxx


----------



## (hugs)

ruby no problem chick   that would really bug me too that just sound like my situation that i don't fit in with them all his mum has 5 kids and my DP is one of them all different ages her youngest is 8 and the other 2 lads are around the same age as my DP they all have children! when i have been there in the past it feels like I'm not welcome either! i dunno some people eh, this time when i start TX in sept i wont be telling her just my mum, dad and 2 best friends will know and that way i wont expect anything from her! 
did you get an appointment through for your smear Hun? i just got the all clear so thats one weight off my mind


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## Ruby998

Hugs- 20 years between kids! Wow that's some age gap!! My SIL spends way way more time with mil than her hubbie. Hes not interested! At least when we have kids we will do family things together and not spend all my time with the mil- I mean seriously isn't that most people's worst nightmare ha ha.
I got a bit carried away today and started talking about adoption- I mean I've only had 1 failed cycle but u never know and I'm a planner ha. Dh said no straight away- said it wouldn't be his. I said well the dogs not yours biologically but u love her more than me (ha he really does). He said that's different! Grrrr.
No not had my letter yet but I'm hoping the clinic don't click on that I'm due it as they've not said anything. Glad yours was fine.

xx


----------



## (hugs)

yeah it is some years init...lol well least he isn't intrested and very true like you said at least when you do have your own together you will do all the family things together!! i cant wait to have my own one day it will happen for us..Hun! 
ha ha about the thinking ahead for adoption, well we all do need plans i guess i understand why your hubby said no, because i think for men its different, when my last cycle didn't work my DP said we could always try adoption, i just gave him a stern look and said i still have another go yet! i think thats something i would have to seriously consider in the near future if i wasn't lucky enough to have my own but i want my own biological child i guess! life's sooooooo unfair
(i think my DP loves his car more than me ha ha ) 
regarding your smear i don't think the clinic check anyways Hun mine don't i think its your GP responsibility!


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## shellmcglasgow

hi girls hope u's don't mind me joining, am bk in limbo again feel like it's the sorry of my life...lol

doing iui and was not 3rd time lucky, am still having to run up and down to clinic tho as hgc levels are detected but not high enough and had af so who knows whats happening with my body and I now need to wait 2 months b4 can start again coz they want me to take a break, how fustrating it is?? I just wanted to crack on while am in the right frame of mind.


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## Ruby998

Shell- so sorry that youre on this thread, but welcome! This is a great thread to rant and scream or cry! It saves our poor dhs having to put up with us. It's horrible all the waiting isn't it? I have to wait 2 months too and it's dragging!!

Hi to everyone else.

xx


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## shellmcglasgow

thanks Ruby, Am gonna try lose a few pounds while am waiting can't really do much else and it helps me stop obsessing with tx, got a hen weekend this week and all the girls have babies and never shut up about them so gonna enjoy thee biggest glass of wine lol


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## Vickytick

*Hugs and ruby998* I'm sure you two can read my mind...I feel exactly like you do. Reading your posts I was nodding and agreeing with what you said. I spend most of my time thinking I'll be pg by that event and each time i pass it I move the deadline. I'm 40 in 18 months and that's my ultimate deadline. I also sit thinking what's the point of waiting to ttc IVF for 3rd time the others haven't worked and the last one was a textbook cycle with top grade blasts and it failed. Dh tells me not to give up yet but the whole process is horrible injecting every day the bruises have only just gone. I'm starting to feel that I'm going to be that peron who it doesn't work for and never have my own child. Adoption is an option but I get v v hormonal and moody with my cycle and my temper get the better of me so Im not sure theyd ever let me adopt.

*Hugs* hope you managed to enjoy your bday a bit even though it's really tough when actually you dont want to be able to drink.

*Shellmcglasgow* welcome to the thread rant all you like as you can see we all do - lol. Definitely drink the wine it will help you get through it all. It's tough waiting as like you say you want to just get on with it all and keep trying. 

Hello to everyone else.


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## shellmcglasgow

omg I do that too we have functions coming up and I keep saying oh I'll be able to drive to that lol and then it comes and goes, we're getting married next year and at the moment if my next round starts oct then I would be BFP lol what we like but thats how obsessed I get with it. 

just hoping I get thru this hen weekend without being barred from the wedding as I may blow my top with some of them x

vickytick -  u'r 18 months away from being 40 a while yet to go, am doing iui but have to inject everyday for it and it's not fun, but a girls gotta do what we gotta do x


----------



## Mel81

Hi everyone! 

Shell welcome Hun sorry to see you here it's a great place to rant and everyone so lovely and supportive. Bless u hope hen wkend goes well if baby talk starts just try and switch off I'm lucky cos one of our friends in my group is gay so I just stick with him! Baby talk is actually so boring but I'm sure when I get there I'll be exactly the same lol!

Vickytick hi Hun it's hard to stop those neg thoughts creeping in. I've been reading up on fet and it's looks like I'll be injecting too which I was hoping to get away with as I felt awful on DR! Are you planning to do anything different this time hun? I'm wondering about vitamins adding some extras, and I think I'll do Accupuncture again as it chilled me out so much. Let's just hope we have a bit of luck on our side as thats what it seems to come down to! 

Girls yes I too know that feeling! Im going to a wedding in 2 weeks and had been saying ooh I'll be driving but not now I'll be propping the bar up! It's dh's cousin and her 19 yr old daughter has just announced she's preggars great! Another one! Now I'm thinking hopefully can get my 2 FETs in by Xmas this will be the 4th yr that I've thought next Xmas ill be preggars, so we'll have to see. 

Hope everyone's well I'm still having terrible cramping and lower back pain but starting to feel a bit better in myself xxxx


----------



## incywincy

Hi all, 

I'm supposed to be having a month off, finding it a bit hard though and it's self imposed so finding it difficult not to change my mind. I decided to not try in August because flights to my clinic are more expensive, so I started this cycle with a few drinks and **** and a more relaxed attitude to diet & not strictly taking my vitamins and morning temps. 

I started opking as usual though because I like to keep a record of it. And now I really want to do iui this month! I've been going on Google streetmap and looking around Copenhagen to torture myself further, I really like going over there. 

But I know I haven't given my eggs and lining the best shot this month, with a few drinks and ****, not religiously taking vitamins and not drinking lots of milk, so I know if I went and it bfned I'd kick myself for wasting an attempt. But September's dates seem so far away. 

It's really hard to not think about it. I'm on my summer break so not even the distraction of work to help me.


----------



## Ruby998

Hi ladies hope your all ok!

I haven't been on ******** in 3 weeks as it depresses me! Well I was bored and thought ooh I will be fine it will be good to find out some gossip and now I am depressed again!! Lesson is ladies- stay away from ******** ha.

xxx


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## shellmcglasgow

hey incywincy I moved over to this thread too while am waiting, I gotta wait 2 months but am kinda glad now coz I got a wedding coming up and hen weekend this week which to be honest I need the alcohol to get thru as some of the girls are gonna drive me insane...lol, but we're already halfway thru aug, sept will be here b4 u know it so enjoy u'rself a another wee week then start getting bk into good habits again, I'll be not far behind u hopefully.

Ruby998 oh I know what u mean I go on ** alot coz am just too nosey..lol and today the kids are going bk to school in Glasgow so every1 is putting p1 pics up which is depressing me today although they all look so smart and cute to boot, just reminds me of what I don't have x 

Mel81 hang in there with the cramps mine were horendous on Fri but eased off now thank god and actully got a good sleep last night so feeling good today x


----------



## Mel81

Hi everyone

Still having really bad cramping and backache but only spotting now did anyone else get this? My bellys gone all bloated again like after ec, I wonder if it's my endo or maybe ovaries are still big I have no idea! 

Incywinchy hi ya yes I've got to wait too got my appt in 4 wks then will find out how long til we can go fet I'm hoping straight away! But like Shell says the time goes so quickly just when we want something so bad it seems like forever!

Hi shell that's good you had better nights sleep I was awake in the night again in pain I just want to get back to normal now I suppose it takes a while for our bodies to recover. I actually left ** as I couldn't stand to see new pregnancy announcements and pics but I have gone back on recently just don't go on there as much, I've joined ******* instead I find it better but I'm also nosey hehe x

Hope everyone else is well x x x


----------



## b8everley

Hi Mel, how u doing?? what you are describing sounds like the same symptoms as me. Don't know if u remember but I had AF before my OTD but then 4/5 days after OTD started bleeding again and lots of endo pain. Not sure whether drugs have made me worse. Got my review on tues so trying to hold out til then but things so bad, I'm contemplating seeing the GP. Hope u feeling bit better soon, have u a date for your review? X


----------



## Mel81

Hi bev yes I remember how r u? I'm slowly coming to terms with things haven't cried since the weekend which is good going! Yes I've got my review 4 weeks today 12 sept I'm hoping we'll be able to go straight onto fet. R u going straight to next cycle? Yes I was wondering the same re endo maybe as our linings built up more it's made endo worse? I had shooting pains down back passage too (sorry for tmi!) I thought I'll see how it is by end of week if still bad on fri I'll go to gp. R u back at work? I'm signed off for another wk but contemplating going back next wk although work have said take as much time as I need but I'm getting a little bored now! Good to hear from you xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Girlie's!!!

*Shell* Hello and welcome Hun sorry your also on this thread but like others have said its a good one, so feel free to do whatever Hun. I'm focusing on losing (trying) weight Ive been going to the gym for a few weeks now only do 2 nights a week but i cant seem to notice any difference yet  good luck!! 
I'd just get drunk on the hen night and enjoy your self 

*Vickytrick* you have totally hit the nail on the head with everything you said Hun its deffo how I'm feeling and how i have done for some time and properly will until i get my very own bfp! i guess we all think alike...  it sort of feel like I'm plodding on with everyday life until my dream is furfilled 

*Mel* hi Hun I'm doing another FET I'm also adding more vitamins this time and going to be trying acupuncher out anything to help the situation  hope the cramping isn't to painful Hun 

*Incywincy* hello Hun and welcome I'm taking this month to exercise, get drunk when i feel like having a few glasses of wine and block everything out!! until i start again in sept, i no the waiting is hard but it'll be here before you know it 

*ruby * hows you doing Hun  i just pop on ** from time to time i too get down when all i see is scan pictures or announcements all the time off people who don't deserve kids aswell that really  me off but some people are soooo insensitive to other peoples feelings! 

*b8everley * Hi bev hope your cramping isn't too painful if it gets that bad i would ring the GP/clinic see what advice they can offer! good luck at your review 

*NosilaB * Hows everything with you Hun? 

*Pinkpingu* hows you Hun? good i hope 

sorry if i have missed anyone 

*AFM * well I'm feeling pretty much like others have mentioned my DP is really off we had a lovely weekend went out for my b.day with my nephew and mum had a meal and drinks was nice than spent sat day/night at a wedding together! and last night we had a big row which ended on him storming off to bed and me left very angry down stairs  i just don't know what to think anymore i know i want a baby more than anything but i can see we both love each other but just don't get on anymore, he works I'm at uni we have separate friends, i can see it now I'm not doing IVF! How much Ive changed in many ways, I'm so confussed about stuff arrghhh and i haven't spoken or seen him yet, the way i feel at the mo is like getting totally s**t faced and AF arrived today so thats just another reminder about last month i just hate feeling like this and this is the only place i can truly vent


----------



## Mel81

Hugs wish I could give you a hug bless u! Try and have a little chill out nice hot bath and a glass of vino! Hope u and dp will be ok your relationship is sieving the strain of ivf and sometimes it doesn't hurt to have separate friends and interests have a bit of time on your own. I know what you mean about people not deserving babies I was watching Jeremy Kyle earlier god some of the people on that it makes me so mad! Take care hope you feel but better soon xxx


----------



## Mel81

Surviving not sieving lol


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## Ruby998

Hugs- aww hun, men eh!! Hope you and dp sort it out. You are bound to have arguments at the moment. Just think about the nice weekend you have just spent together. I try to argue with dh all the time but he just ignores me ha. xx


----------



## MissM

Hi girls.. would like to join in   

Moving from iui to icsi. Taking a much needed break as have spent past 4 mths sniffing, jabbing and all that goes with it... found the 2nd IUI round tough (did one round straight after another and needle phobic!) so looking forward to seeing out the rest of the year before jumping back on the rollercoaster.

Got lots of good things planned, holiday to Tenerife, getting a dog (to help get fitter & healthier for round 3 - to nurture and take my mind of things!) and spending quality time with DH, friends and family and hopefully be in a better frame of mind for kicking off the New Year and what it may bring   

Totally get the ** thing... constant stream of kids in school uniforms... cute, but leaves you with a heavier heart   

Looking forward to chatting with yous xxx


----------



## Ruby998

Hi missm welcome to the thread! Sorry to hear that you got a bfn too. We're all here for you so rant as much as you want. When's your hol? I go away in 2 weeks- cant wait! It gives us something to take our minds away from IF. Aww are u getting a puppy or did? We've got a 2 year old Labrador and she's my baby! xx


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## Ruby998

Dog not did! ha xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Hugs* it's so hard sometimes isn't it..I can again empathise with the dp rows. My family think all we do I row but it's the emotional impact of ttc & I think push him to test his commitment to me as its me who can't have babies. If this fails we want to have a life change but I have a ss so we can't move too far from him - which as horrible as it sounds I really resent that. It's hard havin a child in your life that's not yours esp one that has learning diffs so bonding is v hard. I definitely see where you are coming from.  it's tough on the strongest of relationships.

*Missm* welcome to the thread it's a v good one. We got a puppy hes now 4 months for the same reasons as you. Sometimes I think it was a mistake - lots of biting going on although hes much better unless it's something he doesnt want to do like get off the sofa..but on the other hand he gets me out and can be so loving (follows me even to the toilet!)  Do you know what you want ? Mine is a brown cockapoo. Holiday sounds lovely. 

*Ruby998* I'm only on ** for ff offshoot group otherwise I'd come off. People moaning about their children winds me up. I end up posting comments about being grateful you've got them. I must sound like a right miserable cow - lol.

Hello to all to other LOVELY ladies. I hope you are all well

Xx


----------



## incywincy

Thanks for the welcome girls!

Shellmc, hi!  Sorry to see your last IUI didn't work either.  Why do your clinic want you to take a break?

Hugs, think I am going to spend some time exercising too.  I lost loads of weight earlier this year, but with not being able to exercise too much during 2ww and having to drink full fat milk I crept a couple of kilos back on, so might as well get the dog out more & try to walk them off.  She'll be chuffed at the prospect of extra long brisk walks!  I hope you work things out with your DP.  Arguments are bound to happen when you're going through this kind of thing, don't assume it means that you've grown apart.

Hi MissM!  What kind of dog are you getting?  I love having my dog, she's such a loyal thing.  Completely unruly and stupid, but she makes me laugh a lot and I love getting out an about taking her for walks, does me the world of good.

Vickytick, the biting will subside.  I had an old dog before this one who was already trained, but we got this one as a tiny puppy and she was terrible for nipping with her little needle teeth.  I read loads of things to stop it, but none worked.  Eventually she grew her big teeth and has grown out of it quite a lot.  She still gets a bit mouthy when she's excited but understands a sharp 'no!' now.  My best advice is keep your voice high pitched and happy when giving praise and always accompany praise with a scritch around the ears or on the chest, and when telling off make sure your voice is a noticably lower register, short, abrupt and with an absence of stroking or touching.  It seems futile at first, but makes a world of difference as they get older because you can use it with new behaviours and they immediately know that deep voice and no stroking means they've done something unacceptable.

AFM, I think my wait might end up being longer than anticipated.  We are considering applying for an egg sharing scheme in this country.  I'm contacting clinics to see how to go about it, seeing whether I'd be eligible.  I have a medical condition that isn't hereditary but I don't know if it will preclude me from applying so I'm investigating that.  I haven't ruled out one last IUI in Sept though, but if I get a 100% go ahead with egg sharing I think I might just do that.  I find my IUI to be very much a shot in the dark.  I don't get monitoring scans, by the time I get to Copenhagen I only have an empty follicle, don't know how good the egg is before being released, don't even know if it's still alive to meet the sperm, so I want something a bit more controlled, and egg sharing seems a nice way to give something back, considering I'm using donor sperm.

So I have a lot more research to do now and more emails to fire off to clinics to see what they all say, start making some choices.  I actually feel more relaxed about the wait now, even though it might be longer, because I feel I'll have a better shot with IVF.


----------



## (hugs)

Just a quick one to say thanks girls for the lovely reassuring words off you all means alot   well we was speaking abit last night we didn't mention the argument we'd had the night before so just left it at that! i had one glass of vino and had a long soak, than read in bed must of fall to sleep had at least 8 hours or more   so am feeling alot better today! 

Hope everyone is well and is enjoying the sun


----------



## shellmcglasgow

Hugs - u's should have a sit down and talk about how u'r feeling I had a a row with DP while on 2ww am not the best at showing how I feel and he was being a dick but sat down and proper told him how I felt and that he wasn't helping by being so laid bk, we sorted it out but tx is so hard on a relationship, big hugs and hope it works itself out x

MissM - sorry u got BFN it's so tough as well bk to bk treatments, but it's good to take a break and let u'r hair down on hol have a few drinks, I would love to get a dog but we go away quite alot and would be putting it into kennels all the time.

Vickytick - I kinda do the same to my DP as needing help to have babies is all on me so when we were on the wl I was said to DP a few times nows to time to go b4 we start going thru this but he's going nowhere am am glad he didn't! we don't have any ss/sd but I can imagine it would be hard esp with learning diff but am sure he knows u there for him x

incywincy - my hgc levels were higher than just BFN but not high enough for BFP for over a week, if my periods came naturally I would have to wait 2 cycles mine don't come at all so I've been told to wait 8 weeks, to phone clinic tomorrow and see if my notes have been reviewed and I can booked in offically but expecting it to be mid oct, being productive about options is good way to go like u say iui is a bit of a shot in the dark am lucky I get scans but I feel as well that it's pot luck weather the sperm meets the egg and all that jazz, I got 1 more try then will be looking more into IVF coz I don't know much about the procedure I found out alot about iui thru FF and bundling along.

afm - trying to get excited about going away for the weekend but dreading it big time only 1 of the girls knows whats happening and thank god we're room sharing so at least thats something and I can drink although 2 glasses of wine and I'll be gone lol


----------



## incywincy

Well I got my positive opk and would be due to fly over tomorrow. And the flights aren't that expensive! That was my main reason for not going this month, so I could have gone fter all. I still could, but I feel like it would be silly because I haven't eaten well or taken all my vitamins and have been drinking this week. So now I'm annoyed at myself.


----------



## MissM

Thanks for the welcome girls   

Going to the Dogs Trust when get back from Tenerife in Sep. Don't really have time to train a puppy.. so will rehome one! (Think I'm destined to rehome dogs and children!!) 

Thinking all the fresh air and walking can only be a good thing, and takes my mind of everything when DH is working shifts.

Shell - enjoy your weekend.. a few drinks and a girlie laugh should do the trick!! A good distraction and it'll be October before you know it   


Ruby - we're off to Tenerife for a week - where you off to? Can't wait for some sunshine! 


Vickytick - I must be a miserable cow too... I do exactly same   They don't realise how lucky they are!


So anyone got anything exciting planned for the weekend?? I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend with DH and a bottle of wine!! xxx


----------



## MissM

Incy - why don't you go? I honestly think it's a numbers game... if it's your time, it's your time, regardless what you've eaten or drank. I know we feel better when we're doing something by eating healthily, not drinking, taking vitamins etc etc but I really question what good it's done. I've lived like a nun since New Year and it hasn't done me any good!!   

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Agree with missm. I've gone teetotal for 3 months no luck then decided to drink in moderation/rare occasions and fell pg in feb albeit I did mc but thats immunes related. You are probably more relaxed which is a key attribute to success.

Xx


----------



## Marbles

Hi ladies

Can I join the thread. We just had our first round of ICSI and got a BFN. We have been devastated and I'm struggling to cope with everyday life at the moment. Work is horrendous and it does not help that all my strength is taken up smiling and listening to everyone talk about their children.

I have spent the last week doing all the things I shouldn't, drinking and smoking. However, I know I'm doing myself no favours and need to stop and try to focus on getting myself ready for round 2. We need to save the money before we can try again, which will be a struggle.

Any tips on how to remain positive, or things I can do to get my eggs in tip top condition?

Kind regards

Marli


----------



## incywincy

Vickytick and missm, I know what you mean, it's probably true but I just think if I get bfn I'll kick myself for not giving it a good shot, and I'll be 600 quid down in the process. Too late now, once ovulation is over I'll be okay because the moment has passed. 

Marbles, sorry to hear about your bfn. I'm going to focus on improving egg quality too. There's some good advice in the angelbumps thread in the complimentary approaches sub forum. I don't take all the things she says but there's lots there to consider, depending on what you think will benefit you. I did some research into egg friendly foods. What I remember offhand is probably dependent on what I like myself, but I seem to remember broccoli, tomatoes, apples and turkey being good. Lots of lean protein, plenty of calcium. One portion of whole milk dairy products a day (if not all dairy from whole milk). I have notes on my laptop, when I'm next on it I'll see if there's anything else. 

My task is to balance eating this with losing the 7 kilos I aim to lose!


----------



## Vickytick

Incywincy - I can understand your theory as you always think if it fails or even when you have a mc did I do something wrong did I give it my best shot etc. I blamed my last failed cycle on getting a new puppy and having to pick him up which is illogical. You want or need rather to find a reason. Healthy eating is v good. I have days when I'm v good then others when I think I've been 'good' for 3 years and I'm still no nearer my dream so wtf lets eat chocolate n drink alcohol. Thankfully thy don't happen often lol. X

Welcome marbles sorry to hear about your bfn its hard the  first few days and you do hate the world. What you're experiencing is completely normal. Give yourself time to grieve. Don't be hard on yourself for falling of the healthy wagon you've had a loss and a bit of feel good stuff will get you feeling good again ready to kick of the next cycle.  I take lots: b6, b12, omega 3, evening primrose, d3, folic acid, pregnacare, I also take  prescribed stuff for thyroid issues, prolactin issues.  Have you considered having basic immune testing? I did after my 1st filed cycle and it raised a lot of issues namely prolactin. Worth a go  if you are paying for ttc treatment as you could save money in the long run, good luck


Xx


----------



## incywincy

Vicky, I've had quite a lot of days like that recently!  What I have learnt though is that drinking isn't worth it.  Beyond one bottle of cider or a dribble of whisky I get a raging headache for days afterwards.  So I'm keeping my naughtiness to chocolate and cake for now.  But I have put on a bit of weight with that, so now need to get that back off, plus a couple more kilos.

Marbles, apparently seeds, avocados and salmon are good too.  

I have been doing a lot of researching of egg share clinics.  I like the look of one in London, but the travelling is too much, with the scans before EC, so now I'm weighing up options near Manchester.  I've contacted a couple by email but no response, have filled in a basic online application form for Manchester Fertility Services but am looking at CARE Manchester as well.  I don't know how to pick a clinic!  Having said that, it might just be a case of which one agrees to take me on.  I wish they'd get back to me though, don't like waiting around.


----------



## Ruby998

Incywincy- I'm with mfs doing egg sharing and they are fab! Do u live in Manchester? The only downside is that they have quite a lot of donors at the mo so don't know how long the wait would be. My first go- I had bloods taken in feb and started in the may.  I'm hoping to start again in sept if they match me, of not I will be having my frostie xx


----------



## incywincy

Hi Ruby, I don't live in Manchester, but close enough to get to easily.  I was hoping to have first EC/ET in January, so hopefully that will fit in well enough.  Did you look into CARE as well?  If so, what made you go with MFS?

Also, you know with the fees, it says that you pay £350 for screening and £500 for IVF.  Do you have to pay anything else?  Consultations etc?  I know you have to pay to freeze embies but that's quite low compared to some other clinics.

I hope you get matched soon, have they given you any indication of the likelihood?


----------



## Ruby998

Incywincy- I never looked at care. MFS is close to work. I paid just under £1000 in total. No consultation fees just an additional fee to ****. If u filled in the online form they would normally contact you within a couple of days. All the nurses are lovely! I then had to pay £360 to freeze my embryo and it will be £1050 for my frozen- I don't know what for though as its a natural cycle no drugs at all! IVF is ridiculously expensive xx


----------



## Ruby998

Oh sorry- they couldn't tell me when I would be matched. They are going to try and match me before sept but if not I will have my frozen whilst still waiting I be matched. Hopefully I won't need to be matched if the frozen works! It's hard to know which is best xx


----------



## incywincy

It is so weird how FET is so much money. I've looked into a few places for prices and £1000 seems to be standard for FET.  I don't get it, as far as I can see all they do is defrost an embryo and put it in you!  I can see your dilemma - usually FET would be better since it's already there, but another round of egg sharing would be ironically cheaper than FET.

Thanks for the info about pricing.  I got the fees list but it's hard to know which bits actually apply to you.  Hopefully they'll contact me soon after the weekend.  I will investigate CARE too, just to compare and see which one I feel happier with.


----------



## Ruby998

Think they both have open evenings- may be worth u going to both and see which one feels right. Good luck xx


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## incywincy

Yeah, that's one of the things I asked in the emails, will see how they feel.

Good luck with the fresh cycle/FET decision!


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## VWilko

Morning ladies

I've had to boot myself of my thread & over here as just had our BFN. It was out first attempt at ICSI & now just feeling a little numb😥 I knew it was going to be bad news, just had that feeling (woman's intuition)!!  Now in limbo land as dunno what happens now, guess I let clinic know & they send me a follow up appointment & then the long wait to try again. 

Vanessa xx


----------



## (hugs)

hello ladies  

VWilko hello and welcome so sorry to hear you have had a BFN Hun big   this is a great thread! one which has helped me through my bfn so feel free to rant, cry, moan or whatever you feel we are all here for you   yes i reckon you will have let your clinic know, and they will take it from there you will most prob get a follow up, but every clinic is different you may have to wait a few weeks or they could be quick! takecare  

Been quite on here lately girls hope you are all well I'm still plodding along with everyday stuff!


----------



## Little Carly Bean

hELLO! 

my period started yeaterday so I called up the clinic, they said they would call me back in 72 hours. Later that day they called me explaining that I could not have my treatment as the lab was having its yearly clean!! WHY did they not tell me this when I was last there!!! I have prepared myself for another month of madness only to be slapped in the face. Felt dreadful yeaterday and cryed for ages, did not know I was going to be so emotional but in the back of my head I must of been alot more prepared than I thought. MORE WAITING!!!


----------



## Mel81

Hi everyone! 

Vwilko hi hun sorry to see you hear it really is awful We all know and understand what your going through. Did you speak to the clinic? I think you usually get a follow up not sure what happens at that I'm still waiting for mine another 3 wks to wait! X

Carlybean hi Hun aww poor you that's terrible! What a disappointment for you hun cant believe the clinic didn't tell you that you just wouldn't expect something like that to happen especially when your all geared up for it. It's seems so much waiting in this game x

Hi to everyone else! Hope everyones ok and enjoying the lovely weather xxxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hello everyone! 

I'm back off my hols and have come crashing down to earth again! I managed to pretty much get through the holiday without dwelling on my failed cycle although seeing all the young yummy mummies all over Yorkshire was tough. My first real period since AF arrived yesterday just in time for my review consultation today which I'm please about although it did remind me once again I'm not pregnant. Worried about my consultation, dreading being told bad news but desperate to know what the doctor has to say as well.

Starting a drastic detox diet today. Weighed myself yesterday and have put on 1 stone since my treatment started at the start of June. I am now just scraping the overwight category of BMI so need to get the weight back off and maybe another few pounds as well. It's going to be a struggle to start the diet today as not only am I on my period but I've been having so much food each day that my stomach muscles have expanded to the size of a large bears! 

Sorry for no personals, I've tried to briefly go through the posts since I was last on here but there are too many as I'm in work. Hopefully I can catch up as the days go on.


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## Mel81

Hi Pinkpingugood luck for your consultation today let us know how you get on. I'm starting slimming world as I also put on just over a stone x

Hi everyone else! Xxx


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## VWilko

Morning ladies

Thanks for the warm welcome & support. I still feel numb but I'm taking the positives from our first cycle to move on & keep me going. I have a low amh 3.22 & was told I wouldn't produce many eggs. At one stage during a scan I was told "oh dear you're not responding well" but on EC day they got 13 eggs ok I know only 9 of those were used but 5 fertilised & we managed a top grade blast. 2 others kept going but were not good enough to freeze (questions to ask at FU). 

I just keep thinking what did I do wrong, I had a textbook embie put back! DH called clinic for me & I've got to have 2 AFs then I can go back for a consult! I refrained from testing early but can't help thinking something happened as 6dp5dt I had the most severe cramps & nearly went to hospital but no bleed? Next day I had bleed, not enough for AF but it was brown & included some tissue like substance (sorry tmi), I now can't help think that was my precious embie! 

Sorry for the ramblings, it was all in my head & needed to get it out. There are lots of ladies with BFP & talking scans on my other thread so I've moved away.

Hugs to you all. Sorry for lack of personals but I'll get to know you all
Vanessa xxxx


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## Mel81

Hi Vanessa yes u don't blame you for leaving other thread I did the same obviously pleased that things are working well for others but just so painful to see especially when we're thinking we should be at that stage too. It's good your starting to take positives from your cycle I think that helps as you say you did so well with your eggs an getting to blast. It's so hard trying not to think did I do something wrong but I'm sure you did everything you could and unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be. 

It will start getting easier with time Hun its been about 2 weeks since my bfn and I'm starting to feel better in myself and look to the future and even get a little positivity back.

Take care of yourself xxxx


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## VWilko

Mel

Thanks so much for reply & I wish you every success xx

I'm gutted too that our others didn't make it to freeze, we had 2 which made it to day5 but embryologist said they were a little slow??  Xx


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## shellmcglasgow

hi all

sorry to the new thread members as it means u've had BFN, which is a bummer but try take any positives the clinic gave u for u'r next try and use the time off to relax and get ready for the next 1 x

carly bean my clinic did something similar I got put off for another cycle as the theatres were being cleaned really annoying as if we're not waiting enough. 

well after my dreaded hen weekend which was awful and only saved by my bestie which I was rooming with and lots of alcohol...but needs must. I did get some good news thou phoned my clinic today and my casenote has been reviewed and consultant says am good to go again whenever I want wooo hooo and as this cycle was to replace a previous canx one I could go straight to ivf but would be on wl til new year so we decided gonna go for 1 more iui and hope for the best, so bk on it in 3 weeks.


----------



## Ruby998

Hi to all the newbies, sorry to hear about the BFNs. It does get easier with time I promise.

Shell- oh no was the hen do not good? Hope there wasn't loads of baby talk- its awful isn't it. Whoo to starting again in 3 weeks!

Pinkpingu- how was your review? Did they give u any timescales? I've not heard yet but going to ring in Friday. I've already decided that I'm going to have my frostie anyway if I'm not matched.

Hugs- how are u? Are u and dh getting on better? I've had a huge row with mine now as I caught him smoking- I completely flipped. Can't believe how selfish he is when I'm doing everything I possibly can!

Carly bean- aww hun can't believe they didn't tell u sooner! Hope u can go again soon.

Mel- glad your feeling better, my bfn was over a month ago now and it's definately getting better.

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

*pinkpingu * hi ya hun aw bless you big  life's such a ***** isn't it! hope your consultation went well  why is it that from IVF we ladies put on so much weight  lol I'm trying to get rid of mine and I'm not having much luck i must say hope you have better luck than me hun  

*VWilko* hi hun i too had textbook cycle and a good blast put back, its all down to luck abit like the lotto your time will come hun  don't blame yourself and rabble way 

*shellmcglasgow* aw hun sorry to hear your hen weekend was not so good bless ya, but on a positive note thats brill news that you Can start again yay 

*ruby * hi ya hun I'm fine thank you! just getting on with stuff as you do, me and DP are OK/ish lol we made up and had another tiff but were alright for now ha ha  aw no not you two now hard times and that hun all this ivf and life and bad news sends us crazy and stressed, i know you must of been mad about your DP smoking was it a one off? hope you get it sorted out hun  

*Carly bean * aw hun cant believe they did that thats rotten! hope you can start again very soon 

hello to anyone else i have not mentioned been at the gym so bit tried nothing much to report really had a few up and downs with DP, just trying to keep busy every day but i have my moments and down days!!


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## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies  

My consultation went ok but feeling pretty low about it. I was told basically that I responded well, egg collection went well, 9 out of my 10 eggs were suitable for ICSI and from them I had 100% fertilisation rate and 7 went on to progress really well at day 3. It seems that from day 3-5 is when the embies slowed down and I only ended up with an early blasto and an even slower one that they left another day but decided in the end it wasn't suitable for freezing. The clinic have admitted  that the 'attrition rate' of my embies from day 3 was lower than average but they think that was just down to luck rather as my egg quality was excellent, and apparently my sperm donor has lead to successful pregnancies with other women so they don't think it was a sperm issue either although the doctor did say that maybe changing the sperm donor would help which is a little confusing  

In terms of trying again the clinic are happy for me to egg share as although the recipient didn't get pregnant either she did get more embies out of her share so they are reassured by that. I need to wait for my september AF and then phone the clinic and they will look at matching me. Due to the increased number of altruistic egg donors at the moment they are now in a position that it's donors waiting for months to be matched rather than recipients so it could be December / January before I can go ahead with another cycle so that's really disappointed me. There would be no changes to my drugs or protocol but they have advised me to see an endocrinologist (sp?) to try to level my thyroid levels before the next cycle as they were a little low at the start of my last cycle.

Ruby - December / January was the best kind of timescale I could get from the doctor. She said as soon as September AF arrives I should phone the clinic and the nurses can start looking at matching me then. I will be on the waiting list now but with a marker to say september AF needs to take place before my details get sent out. Obviously the clinic close over Christmas so that could delay the cycle as the most you could be doing is down regging over that period. Grrr. Let me know how your phone call goes on Friday. Am I right in thinking you've had your first natural AF too?

ShellMcGlasgow - That's great news that you're good to go with the IUI in three weeks time, that time will fly! I asked my clinic if I could try IUI before my next cycle and they want me to have my tubes tested. Have you had this done and if so what do they do? I've been put down for it as part of a training session for staff so don't need to pay so I thought I may as well have it done.

Hugs - thanks for the good wishes for the consultation. I suspect losing weight will be tough for me too. I feel like my hormones are still all over the place and that's definitely affecting my metabolism. I was aiming to do a raw food detox this week but got home yesterday and cooked a pile of pasta as was so hungry! Good luck with your weight loss!

VWilko - welcome to our lovely thread. I was told my blasts were slow too, can't seem to get an answer as to whether this means they won't end up in a pregancy though. I have heard successful stories from early blasts though. Having 2 AFs before next cycle seems to be standard and makes sense but feels like a lifetime for us.

Incywincy - I too don't understand why FET is so expensive, it doesn't make sense to me.

Littlecarlybean - sorry to hear you have been messed around by your clinic. I think it's disgusting that they didn't pre warn you about the cleaning. My clinic have pre warned me about Christmas closure which is annoying enough but closing for an annual cleaning is even more so! I hope you won't have to wait much longer.

Mel - I started slimming world Easter 2009 and lost 8 stone by Summer 2011 so cannot praise the plan enough. I hope it works for you too. 

Hello to everyone else


----------



## shellmcglasgow

Pinkpingu - if I finish up needing IVF am coming to u with questions u'r a wealth with knowledge...lol, yeah I went for test to check out my tubes, I was refered for it b4 the fertility clinic, basically my experience of it was as follows: 
was a bit like smear test as they need to insert what I can only descibe as a clear plastic dildo 
(I know sounds horrible and prob not the technical term) this is so they can see everything with the camera...lol 
I had a nurse, doctor and junior doc in the room all were very nice, they then run dye through u'r tubes and photograph this so they can see if they're is any blockages or damage, to me it felt like a period, the actual dye bit with pictures took about 5 min it's just the set-up which took the time about 15 min, none of it was painful just the beginning was uncomfortable and they could tell me there and then if there was any problem which there was not in my case. hope this is of help. 
I am also doing slimming world just now, wow congrats on u'r weight loss fab, am finding it great losing 1/2 pounds a week which am happy with.

hugs - I've not put weight on with iui but have been dieting through out so maybe would have if wasn't doing slimming world, going to the gym will help not just losing weight but I find it relaxing and the endorphins defo help with my moods x

Ruby998 - hen do was a total mare with them going on about kids the whole time I just got drunk...lol I would have went nuts too if I caught DP smoking so don't blame u. x

hello to every1 else hope every1 is coping ok, I use these limbo days to do things I wouldn't if I was on treatment, keep u'r spirits up and have a drink x


----------



## shellmcglasgow

just a wee question - what vitamins are u guys taking? I've only been taking folic acid but should I be taking anything else?


----------



## Pinkpingu

Thanks for the info shellmcglasgow. I'm used to being poked and prodded due to having bladder disease so this is just another thing to add to the list. You have put my mind at rest although I'm not a fan of the idea of the dildo lol. I hope you don't end up doing IVF but I'm always happy to share my experience of it so far with you.

In terms of supplements I found the following thread on here useful. I've pretty much followed it for the past 4 months. It's not cheap though and I do feel like a huge rattle most days!

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=43196.0


----------



## Ruby998

Pinkpingu- glad your consultation went well- it sounds like the egg quality was good if 100% fertilisation. I had 80% which I thought was good. Bummer that it's gonna take so long to match! I actually rang today but no change- they did say that they had sent my info to one lady but I got the impression that it was only within the last couple of days so no response yet. Yes I've already had 1af and due again beginning of sept. 

Shell- I'm on pregnacare conception. I read a study that gave really good ivf results when using these but I obviously was the minority! Then again it was only 1 study!

Hugs- I'm absolutely fuming with dh. Men!! He said it was a one off but I don't believe him ha.

xx


----------



## Vickytick

Sorry quick one from me as we are getting ready to fly to Rhodes tomorrow for 5 days and the 1st of our 2 weddings this fortnight!

Sounds like everyone is having a bit of a rough time bu I hope things improve. I would love to do personals but dh will kill   me if I not carry on with getting ready lol. Feeling a bit lonely as pup went into kennels earlier and I feel so guilty not to mention miss him. Dh keeps telling me he's only a dog and it's 5 days. 

I'll be back on when I return my lovelies. Xx


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## Ruby998

Vicky tick- have a fab holiday!! It's just what u need. And don't worry about the pup- he will love it in kennels, our dog does, plenty of walks and she eats better! As soon as she gets there she has a bowl with treats in. Although I'm like u and miss her loads xx


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## Pinkpingu

Ruby that's great that they have sent your info out, even if it was only in the last few days. Hopefully they'll love the sound of you and you can start moving with your next tx  

Vickytick have an amazing time in Rhodes, I went there this time last year and had a great time


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## shellmcglasgow

aww a wee break sounds bliss enjoy x

thanx for the vitamin advice girls gonna go after work to boots and spend a small fortune, least I can get some points on my card might be able to buy a new nail polish woo hoo

I've been really into my diet this week and gonna stay away from alcohol at the weekend as well so looking to a big loss, feel like the min I stop obsessing about tx I find something else..lol any1 else do this or am I just mad.


----------



## incywincy

Shell, even if you've bought this month's vitamins, look online for better offers for next time.  Pregnacare Conception is £7.15 in Asda at the moment (cheapest high street price I can find) but I found it for about £5 online somewhere.  I also take co-enzyme Q10, Royal Jelly and bee propolis capsules.  They can work out really expensive so I shop around online.  

Vickytick, enjoy Rhodes - I know how you feel about the kennels, I hated putting my dog in kennels.  She was fine when we picked her up, but I felt really bad on her for doing it anyway.

Pinkpingu, I hope you get started on your next round soon.  I'm hoping to egg share.  I'd like to get matched before Christmas but I don't want the egg collection until January, so I hope it times out like that for me.  

Ruby, I'd be furious with him too, I hope he has been suitably apologetic.

Hello to Vanessa and Little Carly Bean, while it's nice to see you here, I hope you dont' have to spend too long in this thread.

AFM, I went to see my parents for a couple of days and told my mum all about egg sharing.  I've read that parents sometimes are a bit funny because it will be a genetic grandchild of theirs somewhere out there, but she was all for it.  I'm back now, had the most ecstatic welcome home from the dog & have the house to myself all night so am having a bed picnic with my good friends Ben & Jerry.  Diet starts on Monday.


----------



## Pinkpingu

Incywincy I'm glad your Mum was ok with the egg sharing idea. Me and my DW haven't told our parents about TTC and I am worried my parents won't agree with me egg sharing. We decided to tell them after I got pregnant. Possibly the cowards way out!

Where do you get your supplements from? I've tried finding Royal Jelly etc online but I worry the cheaper it is the poorer the quality. It would be good to know if you've found a good source.


----------



## VWilko

Hi

I'm going to start the whole supplement thing easy for our 2nd go. I found puritans pride uk good, lots of but 2 get 2 free. If you do a google search for discounts they sometimes have money off too. DH has been using their arginine & quality seems good 

Xx


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## incywincy

Pinkpingu, the only place I can find a decent price on Royal Jelly without worrying about quality is Holland and Barret.  It is £11 though so I have to stock up when they have sales on.  I currently have run out and it wasn't in the penny sale.  I tried looking online but like you said, worried about the quality.  But I thought because I am having some time off, I'll wait.  If it doesn't come back in the sale soon, I'll buy some and take half as much as usual just to be getting some.

I don't think my mum would have had a lot of choice re. the egg share - I'm her only chance for a grandchild so she'd have to lump it anyway, haha!  I did put it in terms of someone else is donating to me so why shouldn't I donate to someone else which any sane person can't really argue with.  (Though there have been times when I've questioned my mother's sanity!)

VWilko, I'll have to look into puritans pride.  My mum told me Healthspan is good too.


----------



## Henlie

Morning ladies,

I hope you don't mind me joining you all?  We've just had our second BFN doing IVF.  Everything seems to go like clockwork until implantation....where I seem to have AF before OTD.  First cycle started the day before OTD...fair enough, but this time started spotting 6dp5dt...which turned to bleeding 8dp5dt.  Has anyone else experienced this?  My gut feeling is telling me to have my immunes tested as we're classed as 'unexplained', so wondering if it's NK cells.  

I've just been reading your recent posts below, and can highly recommend the vitamins...for both you and DH (if applicable).  Taking them our second cycle boosted our fertilisation results, and we made it to blast.

We're awaiting our follow up and also looking to change clinics...thinking of going to CRGH....is anyone else there?

I look forward to chating to you all.  

Henlie xxx


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## rose987

Hi

Hope you ladies dont mind if I join you? 
I did my first ICSI in June/ July and have my consultation in early Sept to hopefully start 2nd ICSI cycle. I found the cycle buddies section helpful but have taken a break from fertility friends since my BFN as a way of coping. Its nice to see some names on here that I recognise from June/ July cycle buddies. Im hoping that the clinic say that im ok to try again. Does anyone know if you have to have antral follicle count done before start of every cycle (ie as a baseline?). Assume you do?  I only got 7 eggs in first cycle (Im 39) so do you think they will up my dose? I was already on 300 of Gonal F!  I know sometimes you can have different results on same dose but psychologically makes you feel you may have better chance with more drugs      On a positive note my sisters friend and her friend had success on round 2 so trying to keep positive.  Hopefully 2013 will be a lucky year for lots of us!!! 

    to you all


----------



## Leah66

Hi ladies,

Just wondering if anyone knows of a success story with doing 3 lots of ICSI in the space of 9 months?

I've had 2 failed cycles, Febuary and May. I'm due to start my 3rd go next month but I'm wondering if my body is having enough time to recover? Or is it best to just keep going.

I've never had enough embryos to get any frozen so each cycle is starting from scratch. Apart from the financial stress (private) I'm wondering if the emotional, physical stress is affecting my poor egg results.

Also I'm nervous about doing the LP as my other 2tx were the SP.  
I've read some horror stories about Down regging and I'm not sure how I'll cope with that!
I don't know what difference the LP will make?.

Sorry no personals, just typing my usual midnight mumbles!!

Good night, God bless.
I pray for sanity in the morning!! Xx


----------



## Henlie

*Hi Leah* - I'm in the similar situation to you, as I'm looking to do my next cycle in November, so that will be three cycles in 8 months?! My clinic don't seem to have a problem with it...have yours given you a steer on it at all? I've also only done the short cycle, so can't comment on the long protocol.

For my second cycle, I drank a pint of whole fat milk a day, plus took some extra vitamins...as did DH, and that improved everything. It's such a minefield out there isn't it? Wishing you all the best with your next cycle! 3rd time lucky! 

*Hi Rose* - sorry to hear your first cycle failed . I'm sure your clinic will give some suggestions on improvements for next time. I was on Menopur, but know that some people have taken up to 600iu of Gonal, so there's probably a good chance they may increase it for you. Keep that PMA up...it'll help you with your next cycle!

Hello to everyone else!

Henlie xx


----------



## Leah66

Hi henlie

It's nice to know I'm not the only one, of course there are thousands of us women going through this process but I hadnt seen many doing one tx after another so I wondered if I'm giving my body enough time.

My clinic are happy, they actually suggested going again so long as my periods carried on as normal they didn't see any reason to not try again after 2 AFs.

So will your 3rd be the SP again?. I don't actually understand what difference doing the LP will make. My Dr just said we should try it as the Short protocol didn't work twice before!

Anyway, best wishes too all xx


----------



## Henlie

*Hi Leah* - I'm not sure what the difference is either between the two...  I respond quite well on the SP, and my second cycle (went back to back with my first) produced better results. Before I do my third, I'm planning on having some immunes done, as our problem seems to lie at the implantation stage...I just feel that I need to rule everything out before I cycle again. We may also change clinics, I'm going to an open evening at CRGH in London next week to see what they're like.

Will you be having your third treatment at the same clinic?

Henlie xx


----------



## Shellebell

Hi to the newbies


Sorry you have to join the thread, but glad you have found it   


Please make sure you all read the sticky threads at the top of the main page, there are links that will help you and will answer the questions you have already asked on here


----------



## Leah66

Henlie.. Yes I'm staying at the same clinic up North just for location  convenience really but if I don't see better results 3rd time then I will definately look at changing clinics.
My problem is the eggs, I always produce a great number of eggs but very poor quality. Im going to research more into the difference of the LP and SP. hopefully 3rd time lucky for us both!  

Good luck with the immune tests, I agree it's best to test! X


----------



## Henlie

Hi Leah - have you tried drinking milk whilst stimming?  ARGC recommend this, and it seems to help a lot of people with egg quality.  It helped our fertilisation results second time round when did it.

Yes, fingers crossed 3rd time lucky for us both!   

H x


----------



## Ruby998

Hi and welcome to the new ladies. Sorry you all got a BFN too.

Leah- never tried them but whey to go protein shakes are supposed to help egg quality.

Going on holiday tomorrow, hopefully a nice relaxing break before I have my frostie in sept. that's if I don't murder DH whilst away ha. 

Speak to u all in a week

xxx


----------



## shellmcglasgow

hi girls hope every1 had a good weekend and not doing too bad with where we're all at waiting on tx to start again.

I had a row with dp at the weekend and he honestly has no clue about how I feel which really upset me, he says I am just obessing over it all if it's not tx it's losing weight, am trying to get my bmi down as much as I can b4 tx starts again so really being careful and he wasn't too happy coz I was feeling guilty over eating pizza and a few beers. I really hope am normal and not obssessing but thought he of all people would understand why I can't help but think of much else really. 

feeling pretty rubbish today overall sorry to rant but I really don't have any1 to goto noone gets it!


----------



## Leah66

*Henlie*, *ruby*..
no I haven't tried milk or protein shakes, ive heard a lot of women mention drinking lots of milk and upping there protein but my clinic have never mentioned it so I assumed it must be for a different matter.

I'm doing some more research before i go again, I'll do what ever it takes!

Ruby.. Enjoy your holiday, I'm so jealous!!! Xx


----------



## Shell15

Can I join you please.  So sorry to see so many ladies on this thread all unfortunately with a BFN  

I have just recently had my second BFN on the 19 August and my first was in February.  The second time around has definitely hit me harder than the first I cannot stop   I just cannot believe that I got a BFN again  I really thought it had worked don't know why as I didn't have any symptoms but I just respondded a little better this cycle.  I had 8 eggs collected 5 of which were mature and 3 fertilised.  I had a 3 day transfer with 2 embryos one being an 8 cell and the other a 14 cell but my third embryo didn't make it as it stopped dividing at 5 cells so no frosties   This was our last attempt as we are paying for treatment and it has already cost us £12,000 as we have a 6 year old ds.  I was also put on 8 vials of Fostomin the highest that can be prescribed.

Leah I was advised to take DHEA for 3 months prior to starting my second cycle which I did as it is supposed to improve egg quality.  I did get more eggs and more did fertilise this time around but I also took Royal Jelly and drank whey to go protein shakes once I started stimms.  I have had long protocol twice but don't really know what the difference is I know somebody at my clinic has been changed from long to short because she over stimulated but I also hear from women who don't respond well get changed to short its all so confusing.  Laura do you know what your AMH level is?

I have my follow up appointment on Wednesday which I am not looking forward to as I am still really upset.  I just cannot get out of my head if I try again it could be third time lucky but we just haven't got another £6,000 I am wondering whether to ask about Clomid although I think it seems a bit backward as the IVF has failed or even the short protocol as cheaper options but not even sure I could cope again especially if it was another BFN and my mum and sisters have said you are not trying again are you its just too stressful!  Somebody also said I wouldn't pay the clinic anymore money but we both feel that they have done their best for everything to work but for some reason the embryos are not implanting but both times after ET I have been ill with pains and diahorrea not sure if there is a link?

Sorry for rambling on!

Michelle x


----------



## Leah66

Shellmc, sorry your feeling rubbish today, this weather doesn't help!.
I think it's normal to have the odd row, me and DH had a massive one last week over nothing!
I wonder sometimes if he can really understand what I've been through with the failed cycles. 
getting a bfn is life changing, for me.. I will never forget. It sounds daft but I almost grieve for my embies!

Time is a natural healer, we will all move on and smile again one day!


----------



## rose987

Hi

Leah - LP fine, but did get some headaches while down regging (sniffing drug!), my clinic said only about 25% of couple get any embies to freeze, could your age be linked to egg quality? Not sure of your age. I plan to ask this at consultation as got 7 eggs, 5 mature and only 2 ferlised. My clinic said 2 mth gap btw treatments is fine

henlie - did consultant recommend vitamins? what do immunes test for ? 

Shell - my DP said that blokes just dont handle things like IVF/ baby related matters like woman do, and the fact that so fewer men turn to support pages such as Fertility friends shows this, think they can just be rubbish talking about feelings    stats show IVF works for one in three so not necessarily anything you are doing wrong/ anything specific to you ...I too am having to pay so I understand the situation you are in. Sorry you had 2 bfns. Will you save up for cycle 3? Whats DHEA? wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do.


----------



## Henlie

Afternoon ladies,

*Hi Shellmcglasgow* - sorry to hear you're having a really bad day hun. I'm in the same boat as you, in that I'm now focusing all my efforts into getting fit and shedding the pounds I've put on from the last treatment , in prep for round three.. It's all consuming isn't it? I can't really think of anything else at the moment too. I'm back to work tomorrow after three weeks off, so I'm hoping that will help me not being so obsessed with everything. Sending you some  

*Hi Leah* - re; the milk...there's quite a lot of info on the web about it. They say that we should be drinking full fat organic, as the chemical process involved in producing semi and skimmed, takes all the estrogen out the milk leaving just the testosterone hormone in the milk ...which isn't good for fertility. It's really pushed by a lot of the clinics in the USA and ARGC in London...( who are currently the top performing clinic in the UK at the moment, I believe). Have a read hun, and see what you think...it might be worth giving it a go. 

*Hi Shell15* - really sorry to hear you've had a second BFN...we've also just had ours . Before we started IVF, we were told that it takes an average of three goes to hit the jackpot.... . It's hard knowing when to stop really, as I suppose every time you cycle you just keep thinking, would the next go work?! Like you our problem seems to lie with implantation, so I'm going to ask for some immune testing to be done at my review, as need to rule out the possibility that this is preventing us getting a BFP. It may be worth you asking about that....so if you do decide to cycle again in the future, you know that you've covered all the bases. Wishing you all the best with whichever path you decide to take. 

*Hi Ruby* - enjoy your break away, are you going anywhere warm?! 

*Hi Rose* - I did my own research into the vitamins and both DH and I taking them. The clinic only really recommend folic acid, but nutritionists will suggest you need more than this. Re: immunes, I'm wanting to get the tests done for NK cells, to check that my body isn't killing the embies off before they implant.. It seems that our cycle is quite textbook until it comes to implantation. I just want to rule stuff out before going onto the third tx. Will you be cycling again at the same clinic? 

Hello to everyone else!

Henlie xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Evening Ladies 

*Henlie* hello Hun so sorry to hear you've had another bfn! i hope you get all your questions answered at your follow up Hun bet of look  i got my AF 5days before OTD on my fresh cycle, and on my frozen it came days later after OTD only coz all the drugs i was on was keeping it at bay! if i get another bfn I'm going to push for extra test! best of luck Hun 

*rose* hello and welcome Hun sorry to hear of your bfn, i totally understand staying away from all things FF for a while sometimes we need a break i know this thread has been a god send since i had my bfn!
i cant answer your question on follie count, but some clinics do scan you so ive heared! hopefully someone on here can answer that or you  i too hope 2013 will be a good one fr each and everye of us  

*leah * hi Hun and welcome to the thread  ll i know is my clinic make you have at least 2 AF's before starting another Cycle as your first AF gets rid of everything left over (TMI) think your body needs a little break but we recover so quick that i think it our emotional state that needs some TLC  ave you considered any extra vits or relaxing techniques? 

*Ruby * hi ya Hun hope you have a brilliant time away every minute  very jel  try not to kill hubby ha ha, have fun 

*shellmcglasgow* aw hun you poor thing men ah!! sorry you've had a row hope you sort thing's soon Hun  i think some men not all don't have a bloody clue when it comes to how we are thinking and feeling, i remember very well when i had my last bfn i got totally drunk and i couldn't stop sobbing i cryed all night and that was the first time my DP released how i was feeling, my fella is useless when it comes to fertility or ivf! so your not alone Hun  and don't beat yourself up i had Chinese last night and a bottle of wine the night before but I'm still doing my gym 2 nights a week! its OK to treat our self's at times 

*shell* hello and welcome so sorry Hun to hear of your recent bfn its just awful Hun but we are all here for you  if you need anything just give s a shout!! this thread is great and has been since i had my bfn!! good luck for your follow up on weds hope you get everything answered Hun  

Hello to anyone i have forgotton not alot to report from me glad the bank hol is nearly over its been a very boring one for me, DP doing me head in under me feet or not doing anything to help around the house or anything men argghhh!! back to the gym tomorrow urn off some of these calories Ive put on lol


----------



## VWilko

Hi ladies sorry for lack of personals, I'm fairly new to the thread, on my phone & can't scroll back!!

Shell - sorry to see you here, we were Olympic cyclers & I got my first bfn a week ago. 

I agree with the others this thread is great & so supportive. I still check up on my other threads but does it sound horrible of me to say I'm jealous of the others announcing their BFP? Especially same embryo count, transfer day, grade etc I'm sorry if this was out of order, still struggling you see. It's been a week and AF still not arrived? Now got bad low back ache, right ovary cramp & slight brown spotting - does that sound Wierd? 

Vanessa xx


----------



## (hugs)

VWilko aw bless you Hun its still a raw subject and will be until you are ready!! lots of      your way Hun i totally understand how you feel hope you start o feel better soon about everything! give ourself time, time is a great healer   even if you don think so yet you will in time  
when i had my bfn  had to move off my cycle buddies thread and found here its been the best move as i too couldn't deal with everyone Else's happiness and my sadness


----------



## shellmcglasgow

morning girls, 
right new day new frame of mind, we have a sunny day in Glasgow I'd forgotton what the big ball of glow was....lol

VWilko time is defo a good healer and this thread is the right place to be when u'r feeling down as we all feel it and like u I came off the thread for girls doing tx right now didn't feel like I was on the same page u know?

hugs it's good to have a break even if it was boring, and defo agree bout men, made up with mine but he has always been useless doing house work if I've not left him a list with it on it he won't think about doing it, I actully like going to the gym puts me in the right mind set. 

Henlie am gonna look more into what I should be taking only on folic acid, dp isn't on anything as he is ok but think am gonna look into whtat's out there for him too make him a new age man...lol and want to be sure I've done all I can to get make the most of tx

rose987 & Leah66 thanx for the advice think I just expect too much from dp he is a guy and does his best to support me but don't think he really knows how.

Shell15 sorry to see u'r on our thread but welcome and rant away I always feel better after I've been able to say how I feel to other people who feel the same, am doing iui which I know is alot less costly than IVF have u looked into that already am not sure if it's suits every1 medically wise but if u'r looking to try again I would have a look into it. x


----------



## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies, cannot believe the weekend has gone so quickly for me even though we got another day!

*Rose 989* - Welcome to the thread.  Big hugs that you are here but you will get lots of support from us so you have done the right thing in joining us.

*Incywincy* - Hope you have had a good weekend? Just wondering how much co-enzyme Q10 you take? I've read 70mg is an ideal dose for fertility.

*Leah 66* - I have only had one cycle and it was on the long protocol. I was initially going to be on the short protocol but my clinic changed it last minute. I was dreading it to be honest as I have been on similar drugs before when I was thought to have endo and the side effects were horrendous. However, it was no where near as bad as i feared. I'm not going to lie and say it was a walk in the park though, the headaches were probably the worst and I did feel quite emotionally restless (if that makes sense) a lot of the time which was difficult when I was in work. I slept an awful lot as well. But saying that it's only a few weeks and hopefully will be worth it for you in the long run.

*Henlie* - Welcome to you as well.  Sorry to hear about your second BFN. I hope you can get the money together for a third attempt if that's what you choose to do. I got my AF before OTD too and was concerned this meant that my body wasn't absorbing the progesterone well but my clinic said that was nonsense and just meant that the embryo failed to implant at all so there were never any pregnancy hormones released and therefore my cycle returned as it should have done. I think the spotting started 10d5dt but it wasn't until OTD that the full force of it happened an hour after I tested - typical eh! Out of interest what vitamins do you take?

*Ruby* - Have an amazing holiday - try not to kill your Dh he may come in handy if you do a fresh cycle rather than the FET 

*Shellmcglasgow* - My DW thinks I am obsessing with things too. I'm either googling why the tx failed or googling about supplements at the moment. Every waking moment I want to talk to her about it and can't understand why she can seemingly switch off and go on with life as usual.

*Shell15 * - Welcome , I hope your follow up goes well on Wednesday. Let us know how it goes.

*VWilko* - I felt jealous and resentful of other ladies on the thread I was on so had to remove myself. I feel jealous and resentful of women full stop who are pregnant, in fact I was sat in a work meeting last week shooting daggers at a bloke who was talking about how his wife is due any day now. I'm also dreading my colleague coming in today as she announced on ******** over the weekend that her sister had given birth to twins who were conceived through IVF. All this resentment and jealousy makes me feel guilty though and like it's bad karma for my own treatment. So you are not alone 

AFM - despite committing myself to a diet last week I have stuffed myself silly with chocolate, cake and other goodies all week. Today I am re-committing to the diet and told myself that if I will repeat the following mantra before anything goes into mouth - 'do I want this more than I want a baby?' I'm hoping this will work! I have nearly finished AF and it was horrendous, heavy, painful and clots the size of kidney beans. Not pleasant. A lot of tears have been shed after seeing my pregnant sister on Friday and watching my parents play with her 2 year old. I so want to give them a grandchild too. I am determined this week is going to be a positive one!


----------



## divegirl99

Hi all, can I join you.  
I'm not due to test until Saturday but AF arrived Monday night in all it's glory and I've tested BFN this morning.

Shell15 & VWilko - Sorry to see you here I was with you on the Olympic Cyclers board.

xx


----------



## Henlie

Morning ladies,

*Hi Divegirl* - very sorry for your BFN... . Mine was very similar to yours, as AF started last Monday eve, and OTD was on the Friday... Are you still taking all the progestrone support, just in case?

*Hi Pinkpingu* - Thank you for the welcome. Sorry to hear about your BFN too, do you know when you'll be cycling again hun? We will definitely be doing another round this year...I'm thinking November/December time. I'm hoping to have my review at my clinic either this Friday or next week, so will go from there. It will happen for you, I think I've only just realised, after 2 failed cycles, that this IVF thing is a marathon as opposed to a sprint...unfortunately. . Re; vitamins...Im on: Vit C, zinc, folic acid, Vit E and chromium. Which ones are you on Pinkpingu? 

*Hi ShellMc* - good idea to get your DH on some vits too, I think it can only help. . I've found the gym to be my saving grace too, it gives you a natural high doesn't it!

*Hi Hugs* - sorry for your BFN too. Did you manage to get to the gym yesterday? . I'm hoping to have my review in the next couple of days with the clinic. I'm interested as to what their take on immunes is going to be. Will you be cycling again soon?

*Hi VWilko* - how are you doing today? Sorry for your BFN. . Has your AF showed up yet?

*Hello to everyone else!*

H xx


----------



## divegirl99

Hi Henlie, sorry to hear you are in the same position it's a bugger not to even reach OTD isn't it.

I'm still taking the progesterone just in case a miracle happens but AF is quite heavy (I guess because of the build up of the lining) so I don't think anything will survive it.

I just want to be able to contact the clinic now and get on with our FET.  I'm not good at waiting.

xx


----------



## Henlie

*Hi Divegirl* - I'm sure they'll let you cycle quite soon. I know what is like to just want to get on with it! . When you have your review it might be worth asking about having extra progestrone after ET for the FET. I'm definitely going to be pushing for that next time, plus I'm thinking of having my immunes tested before cycling again. Which clinc are you at hun?

H xx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hi Divegirl - welcome to the group and   for your BFN. I got my AF before OTD. I hope you get some answers from your clinic about what the next step should be.

Hi Henlie - I'll be ready to go with tx#2 when I get Sept AF (due towards the end of the month) but as I'm doing egg sharing I will have to wait to be matched. My clinic have had a surge of 'altruistic' donors so matching is taking longer than normal so worst case scenario is that I could be waiting until the new year although I am hoping to get my treatment in before Christmas   I'm on so many supplements and worried that I'm spending a ridiculous amount of money unnecessarily. Here's my list:

Pregnacare conception - x1
Zinc - 15mg
Selenium - 100mcg
Linseed oil - 1000mg
B6 - 10mg
B Complex - x 2
Vitamin C - 1000mg
Manganese - 5mg
Vit D - 25mg
Co Q10 - 70mg
Royal Jelly - 500mg x3
Bee Propolis - 500mg
Evening Primrose Oil - 1 x High Strength

I rattle and I am poor now lol!


----------



## VWilko

Morning Ladies

Divegirl - Just posted on the Olympic cyclers thread, sorry for your news.  

The girls on here are great and really supportive.  You will see from previous post I don't go on the others much now as I struggle to read all the BFN news plus some of the chats about scans, sickness, what to eat, weight gain.  Jealous is a strong word to use, for me I think it's more of a case of why did it work for you and not for me?  There again I say that about any pregnant woman I see.  I'm sorry if I now offend anyone but here goes, I am a Police Officer and on a daily basis deal with pregnant detainees in custody who are all drug addicts.  I dealt with the 2 this past week and neither of them knows who the father is................it took all my strength to hold my tears in 

Henlie - I decided to test again this morning just to be sure because AF still not here & am still having brown spotting & cramps yep it was BFN as expected.  Heartbreaking to see that 1 pathetic line again but at least in my mind I know and can now ring the clinic and see what is going on.  It's been 9 days since my OTD  

Pinkpingu - I took some supplements first time round as did DH, not sure if they helped but we didn't do too bad fertilisation/egg wise considering my amh and his count.  If you look on a site called Puritans Pride Uk they do a lot of buy 2 get 2 free etc etc.  I'm going to give the Royal Jelly/Propolis a bash and theirs is very reasonable.

Had better dash, got to take DH to Hospital soon as he's popped a disc in his spine - so much for trying naturally until our next tx


----------



## VWilko

that was meant to say BFP news - dope.


----------



## divegirl99

*Hi Henlie* - We are are Bath Fertility Centre. They have been brilliant I just hope they can improve/change something to help next time. I've been wondering about the Progesterone levels and it's something I'll ask when we get our next appointment.

xx


----------



## Henlie

*Hi Divegirl* - I'm sure they'll be able to improve something for you next time. . Wishing you all the best with those frozen embies. 

*Hi VWilko* - did your clinic say how long it can take for AF to show up after stopping all the treatment? I hope it happens soon for you hun... . I can imagine dealing with people like that can be challenging at the best of times, let alone after doing IVF. You're very brave to keep those tears back. . Hang in there, you're doing really well. It does get better, time is a good healer in the IVF process.

*Hi Pinkpingu* - Wow! You could give Boots a run for their money with that lot! . Do you split them up throughout the day? I hope they match you again quickly! . Do they tell you anything about the receipant?

*AFM* - have thrown myself into going to the gym, which seems to be helping my mood...plus work is so busy at the moment, which is useful, as the days go quickly. I'm giving myself a couple of weeks off the alcohol ban, as have an awards dinner next week (helps at those things to have a couple of drinks, as you don't know who you'll be sat next to?! )

Sending you all lots of   ,

Henlie xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Quick hello to everyone and our newbies. 

Holiday, well 5 day break, in Rhodes was lovely but dare I say it too hot . The wedding went well and they had 50 people go from England. There was only one down point the obvious number of babies and people moaning about theirs...for the first time EVER dh and I rowed on holiday. This never happens as we always cherish the time just us away from my family (bit too close for comfort sometimes) and his son. Bet you can guess the topic..yes IF and the impact on our lives, the toll its taking on us having fun and being youngish. I let rip and told him it felt like he'd had enough of it all - not drinking, tablet taking, healthy eating, money etc. we kind of sorted it out but just made me realise how much of our lives this is affecting. The constant bfn and battle to get pg is hard. He says its my entire life but it is until someone says no its never going to happen.

Sorry for me rant but needed to get that all out and breathe....

Hope everyone is feeling slightly more positive than me at the moment - lol

Xx


----------



## Shell15

Hi Ladies,

Had my follow up appointment today.  Mr Gazvani said he was very pleased and shocked at my response as this time I had got 8 eggs and only 5 last  time and also the fact I had 2 embryos and he puts this down to the DHEA and he also said that I was his only patient that DHEA had made a difference for.  I said well you had also put me on Fostomin and not Menopur like last time and he said this would not have made any difference.  He said I had good embryos especially the 14 cell as it is also better to have an even number embryo as otherwise it is not dividing equally if it was an odd number.  I asked if there was a reason why the embryos are not implanting but he just said no may be the embryo just failed to grow further and at this point I brokedown  how embarrassing and he had to pass me the box of tissues.  He said he would not put me on clomid as it would not help.  He said if I decided to go ahead again I should take 200 mg of DHEA (last time I was only on 50) which sounds a bit scarey, he would continue with long protocol as this seems to work for me and it would be the same dose of 8 amps of stimms  I asked him if they offered 3 for 2 on the treatment or discount  and he said you would need to speak to accounts about that one as they receive money in one hand and its given straight out again!  He also said I only had a 10% chance of getting a positive result    but if I were to use donor eggs I had an 80% chance.  This is something I would not do I just can't get my head around donor eggs I admire everybody who can do this but it just isn't for me.  Also throughout the whole of the consultation he had his window open and there was a lady screaming very loudly in labour! 

Since coming home all I have done is  just don't know what to do as if I want to try again need to start DHEA again and also try and find the cash think it will be an appointment with the bank manager but 10% is not good odds  

Sorry for the me post hope everybody else is doing ok.

Michelle x


----------



## (hugs)

*vickytrick* hey hun nice to have you back glad you enjoyed Rhodes  well while you had the lovely Hot weather its been miserable here  bit like my mood lol
sorry you and DH had a row good to hear you patched things up a bit, this whole journey is a bloody tough one on all elements of our lives big hug hun your way  i totally get you i just get on with everyday life but will not stop until i got a NO i couldn't have children, but even than i don't think i could except it..I'd need a second opinion 

*shell* hey hun just been reading how your follow up was I'm glad you got some answers, sorry you was upset bless you  its very over wellming that your fate and whole situation on having a family is up to someone else  Maybe a little time to take everything in what was said may be good hun!
i don't think my % was that good but to be fair even if my consulant give me 1% chance i would take it as its still 1% if you know what i mean


----------



## set55

hello ladies

not been on for a while as same old same old......
but i off start dr on 13th sept 
so here we go again......


----------



## rose987

Hi all

henlie - yes gonna stick with same clinic (as sept / oct will just be 2nd cycle) as nice staff, easy to get to, and at least they know my history. Sisters friend had 3 cycles with Guys and 2 worked (but miscarried one). Now has twins. So that helps keep me a little positive

vwilko - I can understand how you feel re seeing all the pregnant ladies via your work as Im a social worker. Our jobs have some overlap Im sure (seeing some of same clients etc). Funny that we are also similar age with similar age partners   I like seeing other people on this site similar age to me as that gives me hope too. Its not horrible to say you feel jealous of BFPs on this site - I do a bit too. 

Pink - Im gonna start healthy eating on 1st Sept - should really start now but struggling with motivation. Also gonna stop drinking again soon (or no more than one/ two a wk). During actual treatment will have none. 

Divegirl - welcome

AFM - reading other people in same / similar boat has made me feel less alone. Hope things get better for us all. My DP has been supportive in terms of not moaning but he hasnt spoken about IVF much, well as much as I would given the chance . Thats just his way hence why all us girls on here eh!!


----------



## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies,

Another day down in our wait for another attempt!

VWilko - I can empathise with your situation too. I work for a youth offending team and am in contact with young pregnant girls, or irresponsible parents popping child after child out who all go straight on to social services books. Grrrr it makes me so cross too and I want to rip their faces off all the time!! I have checked out puritans pride and will be using them next time I need to buy quite a few as the postage is £10 so it kind of evens out the savings if you are only buying one or two things. I hope your DH got on ok at the hospital! 

Henlie - Yes I definitely split them up, I read somewhere that if you take lots of supplements all at once in the day that your body can't cope with utilising them and just flushes them straight out. I take them in batches of 2s every hour or so. I don't get to know much about my recipient other than whether they got pregnant and if they have frosties. Mine didn't get pregnant this time but has a number of frosties so I am very much hoping she has success with those. 

Vickytick - I don't really argue much with my DW but we have had a few rows since our BFN. I think it's because we are dealing with things differently and also that we had a different experience to one another through the treatment and neither can fully understand the others experience. I think we are past the worse stage of the arguments now but I'm still struggling with the BFN want to talk all the time about it whereas she wants to move on and look to the next cycle.

Shell15 - I'm glad you had good feedback at your follow up and it's great that DHEA worked for you! I can see why your consultant would want to up the dose you are taking. I think as long as you have medical go ahead for upping you should be fine with the increased dosage. It would be great if clinics did 3 for 2s or BOGOFs! They charge enough so you would think they could do some sort of discount scheme. I know some clinics do that for IUIs. 10% is still a good enough chance for you to work with. How did your consultant calculate 80% with donor eggs considering IVF only really has a 25% chance of working per cycle?

Set55 - Good luck with DR - not long now!!

Rose987 - My DW doesn't really want to speak about the IVF either so I don't think it's just a male thing but rather a partner thing lol. She gets cross when I bang on about it so I am very glad for this forum otherwise I would go crazy! Good luck with starting your healthy eating. I'm on a transition week so in between stuffing myself silly and healthy eating again. Started on Tuesday and so far so good. If I can do a week of it I know I can get back on track properly next week but it;s motivating myself this week that's the hard bit, I've failed the last 2 weeks! 

Hello to everyone else, I hope you are all well and thinking positively.

AFM - I got interrogated yesterday at work on two separate occasions about my baby plans and when and how I would go about it. I tried to deflect the questions but my manager in particular was very persistant. It was spurred on by my colleague's gay sister having twins over the weekend through IVF so naturally my colleagues are now thinking about me having babies too (I don't think it had really occurred to them before now that I may want to be a mum even though I am gay). Only one know's about the treatment and I refuse to admit where I am up to as I don't want the constant questionning at work. I'm sure they will move on to another topic soon.


----------



## shellmcglasgow

morning all

Pinkpingu -  I think that's awful u'r collegues going on at u like that u should switch it round and ask them when they have sex to concieve just to see the look on their faces...lol I think it's just as personal a question it's none of their ruddy bussiness anyway nosy b****. 

rose987 - my DP is the same he doesn't really talk about it at all so this site is little treasure for me to be able to read that we're all kinda feeling the same and being able to say how u feel is saving me time I would would eed to go to councelling for...lol u are all my queens in shinning armuor 

set55 - great news I start again on 10 sept not long to go just eating ultra healthy and staying off the alchol now so am in good shape to go again x

Shell15 - aww sending a virtual hug u'r way it's a tough road we're on, my clinic have never really given me % of my chances so think that u'r consultant has given all the facts is good, I don't think I could do the donor egg either not thought about those routes yet am just taking each tx at a time but if we had to decide on that it would be a looonnnng conversation. nightmare that u'r clinic is near the maternity unit too whoever thought that up is a total numpty 

Vickytick - hope u made up wi DH, I had a row with mine too over the exact thing he thinks am obsessed well of course I am it's gonna be the biggest thing to ever happen to me and unlike other girls it's taking me longer, I just don't think they really get how emotional it is for us x 

Henlie - I've been loving getting bk into the gym and defo helps me focus on what I want and having a few week off is a good thing I've never been to an awards but if it's like bridget jones film then drink away...lol

hello to everyone else and any new welcome and sorry u'r here but we're all really nice 

afm - just waiting on starting again not long now so gonna enjoy seafood this weekend and more cardio in the gym, in a good mood as we have another sunny day just wish I wasn't in work and could enjoy it.


----------



## (hugs)

Afternoon all

*Set* hi Hun thats great news starting again son, not long till the 13th Hun 

*pinkpingu* hi Hun aw bless you thats terrible getting interrogated like that a work from your colleagues! i wouldn't mind it none of their business (cheeky gets) i think thats rather stepping over the line, i mean doesn't matter what your sexuality is, if you want children than its your business 

*shell * enjoy your seafood nd gym workout glad its sunny were you are as its bloody miserable here 

Hello to the rest of the ladies 

AFM well a little update on my behalf I'm just waiting on Sept's AF which isn't due till another couple of weeks i think  i don't know if its to do with starting the whole process again, but I'm looking forward to it excited but scared it wont happen again  but i don't know whats wrong with me. I was feeling fine a few weeks ago, and now I'm feeling very low in myself like i really have to push myself to get dressed, cook,clean shop etc... i think the only time I'm enjoying myself is when I'm at the gym maybe coz i don't have to think of anything else, i wish i could shrug it off just feels like a bad cloud is hanging over me at he moment, and the weather isn't helping, bank hol was a nighmare weekend i had the worst luck ever, left the plug in the sink upstairs and it over flowed next thing theres water coming from the kitchen celling, took my nephew to cinema on sat left the pack up missed the bus than we both got caught in the down pour the list goes on and on, and on but i don't want to bore you all just really wish i could snap out of it


----------



## EssieJean

Hello Lovely Ladies  - I've not been on for quite a while, as Set says, same old same old, plus this thread moves soooo fast 

I had my neg end of May. Been feeling rotten most of the time and finally, after lots of nagging off a very good friend decided to book a holiday, which we did last Sunday. Just a cheapy (well, it has to be since we're privately paying ). Not had a holiday in 2 years and with 2nd go at DE/IVF looming (they said next couple of months) I thought it would be money well spent if it got me in tip top condition again before treatment.

Well, just come from doctors as my tummy has been swollen since OTD and been quite concerned about it. He told me to ring CARE to organise an ultrasound scan. Biggest surprise ever - i was told that they were going to ring me in a couple of weeks anyway to start treatment!!! I was not expecting THAT conversation i can tell you. But over the moon obviously. Told her i had just booked a holiday (typical) and they said they can work round that, so here we go again  DH bless is stressing already about 2nd ride on the emotional rollercoaster! 

Sorry to be all me me me, but i just had to get it off my chest - I'm so excited/anxious I could cry.

I hope everyone is doing okay - sending you lots of   and 

PS: *VWilko * - I can relate to what you say - I work in a Solicitors office within care proceedings and want to rip their faces off too!!
PPS *Set55 * - I remember you from previous posts. i think we got our negs about the same time. May be we'll be cycling together soon 
Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to pop in and say hi, I still read this thread from time ti time even though I don't post anymore.  I MISS CHATTING TO YOU ALL!!  

Essie, just seen your post!  Was only thinking about you recently and wondering how you're getting on.  Fab news that your treatment starts again in a couple of weeks, no wonder you're over the moon!    Hope you have a fab time on holiday xx

Hi to (Hugs), Set55, Pinkpingu, Vickytick, Divegirl and all the other new ladies who've joined this lovely supportive thread since I left.

Hugs to all


----------



## Tilnutt

Evening Ladies, hope you don't mind me joining... 

Just had my first BFN and really unsure how I'm feeling. Angry, disappointed, in disbelief?!  Also after a bit of advice... My OTD was 28th Aug but my AF arrived on 24th Aug so I knew it hadn't worked so stopped the Crinone gel that day. However, I'm still having headaches (constant, evert day), feeling tired and having hot flushes - has anyone else had symptoms after coming off the drugs? I was on a high dose of Gonal F (300iu for 12) so not sure if that's why? I just want to feel human again! I've gained weight during this last cycle but can't seem to get back into exercising or healthy eating because I feel so rubbish still.

We have a follow up appt Wednesday week, looking forward to knowing when we can start again.

Hope you're all bearing up and feeling positive about the future

Tilnutt xx


----------



## VWilko

Hi ladies I'll do some personals properly later but for now:

Tilnut hi we were on the same thread. So sorry for your bfn. I was on 450 Gonal & yes still had some symptoms. Unfortunately tho my AF still hasn't arrived but apparently that's normal Headaches tho, cramps & brown spotting almost crinone like which considering my OTD was 10days ago would have thought that would be gone by now?

Hope you're all ok & thanks for my welcome. We haven't got our follow up until Oct so going to relax for a bit before getting stuck into my fitness regime. Strangely I've not out weight on but my clothes are tight & I get bloated after food??

Xxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

*Shellmcglasgow* - I think it's a good idea to eat some seafood while you can. I had a big bar of chocolate and a load of soft goats cheese before my last treatment started 

*Hugs* - for some unknown reason people do think that they can question a gay woman over her baby making plans. I wouldn't dream of asking such personal questions of anyone but hey ho. I also had a complete mood slide a week ago. I thought I was dealing with things and then suddenly I felt really low and detached from life. I hope your mood lifts very soon, it's good that you have the gym to escape to. I'm weighing up my options of joining a gym at the moment. I feel like I need to get a bit fitter and also have something to focus on. I hope this weekend is better than last, from the sound of it that won't be hard 

*EssieJean* - I hope you enjoy your holiday, it will no doubt do you the world of good. Great news that they have found you another donor and you start in a few weeks, you must be made up 

*Nosilad* - hello, it's great to hear from you. I hope you are well 

*Tilnutt* - welcome and big hugs for your BFN. I had ongoing symptoms for weeks afer my BFN. My boobs were sore, the headaches continued, I was all over the place emotionally, my CM was very strange and a whole host of other symptoms. I've just had my first natural AF after BFN and I still feel out of kilter so I think it takes a couple of cycles to get the drugs out of your body. I have gained around a stone since my treatment started in June. I'm really struggling to motivate myself to get rid of it as well. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. 

*VWilko* - I still feel bloated a lot especially after eating. I feel like I'm retaining a load of water although it might just be the stone I've out on haha 

AFM Diet seems to be going well this week which is lifting my mood. Went to the trafford centre last night and it was full of stinky pregnant people or young babies. Grrrrr. Stupidly walked through the ground floor of boots which is the baby floor. Double grrr, seeing all the baby grows made me want to cry!


----------



## Tilnutt

VWilko - Thank u for making me feel better than I'm not the only one still having symptoms. In regards to AF I had a light bleed (brown blood with a bit of pink - sorry for tmi) for 2-3 days but this is pretty standard for me as never heavy or long (usually red tho!). Do u think the spotting could have been AF? Was the timing right for it to have been AF? 450 gonal F is very high! It's a not a surprise we still feel iffy I guess

PinkPingu - Thanks for sharing your symptoms too. Sound the same as mine, fingers crossed we start to feel human again soon. And then it'll all start again. Good luck with the dieting.

I'm going to ask about the short protocol at my follow up as done some research and it seems to be suitable for poor responders (which I am) and people who have done it says it's less stressful on the body.

Hello to everyone else, hope you're all having good days and looking forward to the wkend  

Tilnutt xx


----------



## divegirl99

Hi all,

We've just had our BFN too after cycle #1 and I'm flitting between feeling positive about next time and completely negative.

I hope this passes soon as it's not in my nature to be so negative.
Definitely looking forward to the weekend though it's supposed to be good weather here and we're off out for the day tomorrow.  What is everyone else up to?

Hugs to all.

xxx


----------



## cookie64

Hi,

Can I come and join you ladies, I had another negative cycle in Jun/Jul. Well actually it was a chemical. I can't believe it as my first ivf go worked for us, but sadly I lost my little boy at 33weeks :-( 
and from this last cycle my scan showed an unknown mass, which wasn't there 18month ago. The 1st consultant thought it was an ectopic pregnancy but that got ruled out as my Hcg dropped to below 2 and then now they think its a 3rd kidney.. I really don't know what to think.
Hoping to be poitive and get this sorted and go again as soon as I can.

xx


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## EssieJean

Hey *Nosilab*! How have you been? Any news as to your journey? Lovely to hear you're still around 

*Pinkpingu * - thanks, i am made up, feels like its been a lifetime of waiting.

Welcome to all the newbies on this thread but so sorry you've found yourself on here. Be kind to yourselves. You'll find lots of support here as i have 

Essie x


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## Jodes17

Hi ladies 
May I join you. OTD for me today, started AF early this morning and HPT says BFN. Gutted, I really thought it had worked, am in total shock. I did everything I could. 

Tilnutt, I've done both long and short protocol and short is much better without all the Buserelin and downregulating to begin with.

Jodes x


----------



## sugarsweet

hello Lady's my first ivf ended in bfn   on the 31/08/12 I'm so heart broken was just wondering how long you have to wait to start again. I'm so confused at the moment i have one sonwbaby but don't no if to risk the one or go for hole cycle again and this time have two put back, I'm so sorry for all the bfn's i did not think i would fall apart like this all through my cycle i built my self up for the positive and the negative so i thought i clearly was not ready at all for the negative i just want to stop crying now   x


----------



## crazyroychick

Mind if I join you, got BFN on mon after AF arrived day before OTD, 2nd BFN and 1 x m/c, absolutely gutted! Having good days and bad, cried for 2 days then felt bit more positive bout prospect of FET (got 2 snowbabies) but now terrified they won't survive the thaw and we are now out of sperm and can't afford SRR again.  Went to pick up prescription for scalp lotion for my psorisis which is really bad due to stress and none in stock, thought was going to burst into tears in middle of shop hoping to stop feeling so irrational soon as normally a very together person! Love n hugs to everyone else who got BFN too xx


----------



## sugarsweet

CRAZYROYCHICK i know how you feel Hun i have just the one snowbaby and I'm so worried that it will not work again, so i have decided if allowed to eggshare again and if treatment works as well as it did first time i can have two put back then freeze,i go back to clinic on the 5th and   i can egg share again if not then i will have to   my snow baby holds out for us, i have had a little cry today still hoping that for some miracle my AF don't start and my embie is still there but thats just holding on to hope thats making it harder to let go so I'm going to try and focus on the next step sending you lots of


----------



## crazyroychick

This treatment makes you mad, although my AF came it wasn't normal bled quite heavily on mon but stopped after bout 4 hrs and still none by tue so I tested just in case but negative, bled again fairly heavy for for bout an hr on tue then minimal brown staining more off than on since! Got consultant mon so will ask about that but you always hope by some miracle you may be pregnant! We will have to try egg share with donor sperm if snow babies don't work so  they do as last chance for hubby and I to have biological child together! It's such a rollercoaster, hope you start to feel better soon, lots of hugs xx


----------



## (hugs)

Hello and welcome to all the newbies   so sorry to hear all the BFN's massive hugs for all you ladies    so hard isn't it, but this is a great thread to be on great support and advice its been a god send to me  
love to all


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## Pinkpingu

Lots of hugs for all the newbies. There's been quite a lot in the last few days, very sad. I hope you all are taking it easy and giving yourselves time to recover physically and to grieve. This thread has been a lifesaver for me. Big hugs to you all


----------



## xgkatex

Hi guys,

I hope you don't mind me joining too, I recently had a BFP that changed to a BFN, I too am looking for some support as feeling angry and devastated. I went shopping today and everyone was pregnant. Came home in an evil mood.

Got to stop this and feel better. I am enjoying reading how everyone else is doing as I don't feel so alone as no one I know, knows how I feel as my family and friends have all got children with no problems which makes things worse. 

Thanks for writing and supporting girls, it is nice to see how everyone else copes 


lots of love katie  xx


----------



## Mel81

Hi everyone haven't been on for a while just plodding along waiting for follow up which is a week on Wednesday.

Hi to all the newbies and sorry to see you here as hugs said this is a great thread give yourselves time to heal I promise things will get easier as time goes on. A few weeks have passed now for me, Tuesday was a hard day for me as should of been my scan kept thinking if only things had been different but finally starting to allow myself to start feeling a little positivity and hope for for my next go with my snow baby.

Half a stone has just fell off me in the last 2 weeks think the final half of the stone I gained during treatment is gonna be a bit trickier to shift, my bellys still bloated but I think I may be O as ovarys are starting to twinge again always holding out a tiny hope that I will be one of these miracle peeps who conceives naturally after failed treatment, but somehow I doubt it! 

Hope everyone else is well and plodding along love to all xxxx


----------



## Perfectlyflawed

I ladies

I've had 2 weeks away from FF to forget the low times but my follow up has made it all come crashing home!
Hiya

I had my follow up yesterday morning.
It was very informative in that it explained where they think my cycle went wrong (I never had a great deal of eggs because they never stimulated me with a high enough dose of stims) and they explained how they grade embryos, how they grow and so on.

My problem is that apart from explaining what happened, saying what they will try next time and arranging a second cycle next march 2013, they've left me to it.
I was even given blood test forms to get complete in Jan and given my consent forms for ivf to hand in nearer the time.

I asked about what I could do in the meantime and the consultant refused ovarian drilling for my pcos although previous consultants said it's a good idea as I never responded to Clomid at all. Plus it seems my polycystic cysts were part of the reason I took longer to respond to stimulants for ivf.  I asked about IUIs as I haven't tried them but they said it wasn't 'for me' as my partners sperm sample taken in July 2011 (only sample they took and before he was diagnosed with retrograde ejaculation where the sperm backs into the bladder) showed low motility. So basically, I've been left until next march

I think I'm going to phone them on Monday and demand to see another person because there's more they can offer until then isn't there.

What do you ladies think?


----------



## sugarsweet

i need some advise please as being my first failed ivf. i have some slight bleeding but no cramps the thing thats worrying me is this stabbing pain on the right hand side of my lower back i have took some pain killers but it is still hurting is this normal thank you x


----------



## xgkatex

Hi Sugarsweet,

I had lots of cramps after my frist IVF, I have endometriosis and the hormones made it worse.
The nurse in my clinic also said it can cause cramps as your ovaries return to normal.

I hope you feel better soon. If the pain does not settle best to ask a doctor.

Lots of good wishes  xx


----------



## VWilko

Evening Ladies

Sorry got to be a short and sweet post as not long in from my shift and got to be back at work for 7am...................being the weekend I'm sure I will have some delights to deal with 

Just wanted to say HI to all the newbies and so sorry to see you here, like the others have said it really is a blessing this thread, so supportive mainly I think coz we are all in the same boat.  That way we can vent our frustrations and anger out there and know we are (hopefully) not offending each other. 

Tilnutt - I am still having some spotting light brown though so could be AF just very light coz of all the drugs.  I have read it is normal for it not to return for 4-6 weeks after tx!!  In my honest opinion I don't think the 'bleed' I had during my 2ww was AF, it was brown, light and last half a day - sorry tmi time but the following day I passed a fibrous clump.  Now because I didn't test early I am not sure if I was preg or not and now there is no way of telling but having googled too much I am wondering if it was possibly a chemical preg  It was sure agony like pain I have never had before.    I dunno I spose part of me sort of wants it to be that coz that way I can say well it worked kind of just didn't stay as opposed to it just didn't work and I don't know why.  I have tested again since just to be sure and yep that horrid single line was still there  

Cookie -   to you.  You have been through so much and I admire your strength and really hope you get the answers you need. xx

So much for my short post sorry for my ramblings.  I'll pop back on tomorrow when I get in from work, off to see Michael McIntyre in a few days so that will put a smile on face

Thinking of you all V xxxx


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## Jodes17

Thanks for the welcome. I'm sure it will help to be able to vent feelings. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything. I feel like I did when I had a m/c, physically with bad cramps and emotionally. Need to start moving forward soon. 
My body's been through two failed cycles and a m/c this year. If I was to do it again I'm thinking I need a long break to recover fully. What timescales have others been given? 
Jx


----------



## sugarsweet

hi jodes   i feel the same hun had 2 days or crying tho today more angry, i got to go clinic on the 5th the nurse said they like you to have 3 periods this being the first before you start again I'm going to push for next period tho as my AF has come on the day i would of been due and for me is a normal period I'm not going to give up and waiting3 months will drive me mad x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Essie!

I'm still here, 'stalking' in the background    I've started DR but still waiting for donor's AF to start so that we can move on to the next stage, hopefully that will be next Wednesday    Just need to wait for call from clinic now.  Lovely to hear from you   xx

Hi to all, and so so sorry to read about all the BFN's.  I'm sure you'll all find this wonderfully supportive thread a real lifeline.

Hugs to all xxx


----------



## LadyHarrop

Hi ladies, can i join you? Got my bfn on friday...i,m just bookmarking for now, as still upset. When i saw my little blasto before et i felt such a surge of love and hope, i was certain that i was looking at my boy for the first time


----------



## sugarsweet

so sorry hun   i had my bfn on Friday as well and my tears have only just started to dry up as I'm now looking forward to what to do next i have one frozen blast but don't know if to do a fresh cycle first and this timehave 2 put back or go with the snow baby, i thought i had prepared my self for the worse but clearly was wrong x


----------



## Vickytick

Welcome to all our newbies. I can't believe there are so many since I last logged in its nice to see you but wish you weren't here if you know what I mean  Its awful to see so many people joining our thread but you will find its a lovely one and we all have a good ole rant now and then so feel free to join in. My only advice be gentle on yourselves it takes a long time to get over the bfn. Mine was in July and I'm not sure I'm over it yet tbh in fact I have down days worse than the last cycle but that might be as it was the 2nd one and I had v high hopes for it.

*Jodes17* I've had a mc, failed IVF cycle and 2 failed OI cycles. I have to wait 6 months for the IVF as its NHS but planned to do OI each month between July and Dec but couldn't face it this month so haven't done it. I feel emotionally and physically overwraught. Its hard as you want to keep going but each failure is taking a small part of me away. Also dh and I are struggling a bit as the reality is hitting us that this really might never happen. Do whatever you feel comfortable if you want to keep the momentum up as that helps then keep going. You know your own body better than anyone so gauge how you are feeling. Good luck. I think the standard for private is 3 cycles but if you're paying it should be up to you.

*Vwilko* - They say comedy is the best medicine. I'm sure it will make you feel a whole lot better even if only for a couple of hours.

*Perfectlyflawed* - Good to hear from you hun. I can't believe they've left you for all these months. Thats a long wait I thought Dec was bad enough. They could at least suggest things you could be doing to help the sperm and eggs in the meantime like certain vitamins or exercise or acupuncture (anything I'm throwing things out there) rather than just abandon you both to think it all over for the next 7 months. I would call them back and ask to see someone else if you can.

*Mel81* - seems like your fu has taken forever to come around. But congrats on the weight loss which I could lose it that easily. I was really hoping puppy walking would help but don't seem to be shifting it that easily at the moment.

*Essiejean* - Congrats on the donor and the fact you can start so soon you must be over the moon 

Hello to nosilab, hugs, pinkpingu and the other 'oldies' on here hope you are all well.

*AFM* - I'm having down days where I think reality is hitting that I really might never have my own child which is killing me at the moment. Struggling to carry on with OI or even get motivated to try IVF in Dec but I know I can't give up yet. DH and I keep arguing and its back to the age old we've given everything up, all we think, talk and sleep is babymaking. I'm worried about what happens if we can't have a baby I have a ss and find it hard to have him around sometimes, also have we lost what we were really about as we've been together over 3years 9 months and ttc for 3 years so most of our relationship. I knew I'd have trouble but not this much...  is only ever because we have to rather than we want to. I'm worried we can't surivive this and have told him as much which just causes another row. I'n trying to find a fertility counsellor for us both to see but am struggling to find one in our area (our clinics are over 1 1/2hr away so can't use theirs). Its so hard because I know if we had the baby we'd be so happy together. I keep telling him he'll go off and find a fertile woman to give him the baby he wants..

Sorry rant over but no-one else understands they all think I'm just being silly, need to pull myself together and can't expect to avoid babies forever and get on with life..easier said than done..


----------



## sugarsweet

IAM GOING TO BLOW A VESIL IN MY HEAD !!! 
is there any one who has a view on my situation please.  i done my first Ivf cycle / egg share i got 14 eggs 7 each out of my 7 6 were mature but only 3 fertilized on day 3 i had one 9 cell ane 8 cell and one 4 cell , so they put the 8 cell back as thats what they like to see on day 3, my day 9 cell went on to make it to blast and is now frozen, cell 4 by day 6 had made it but not good enough to freeze here is my concern.
if i go for FET surly the chance of it working are slim as if this was a good embie why did thy not put this one back, I'm so angry right now as if they had waited to day 5 to do ET then i may have had a bfp   my other option is to egg share again and may be this time have to put back the way i feel right now is so split in two, Any advice and views very welcome please thank you x


----------



## Chloe l

Ladies, 
Pls can I join again was only 8 weeks ago I was here but I'm back again didn't even get to ET this time I'm heart broken just wanted to say hi for now I'm feeling lost & alone so would like to join u . I will be back later to catch up on all your stories & look forward to getting to know u & moving forward together to all get our very deserved BFP's 
Love Chloe x


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## Tilnutt

Jodes - Do u know if it's just clinic's preference which protocol they do? 

Cookie - big hugs    And hope they can give you some answers very soon, sounds like u've been through a lot

Crazyroychick - stay positive (easier said than done I know) and fingers crossed your snowbabies thaw nicely. I was the same re testing, I did one yday as just couldn't get it out of my head that it hasn't worked! Plus I was planning on drinking last night so wanted to be 100%. Of course it was still negative

Mel81 - our follow up is the same day as urs  Well done on the weight loss. I need to give myself a kick up the bum to get back to eating well to lose weight

VWilko - It's tough thinking about what ifs. I has a mc last tx and actually found it easier to come to terms with that this BFN - sounds ironic but I think it reassured me that I could get pregnant again but this time I feel like I failed. I think the tx sends us all a little mad! 

Vickytick - it's such a strain on relationships as everything gets put on hold! Do u think a holiday where no baby talk takes place would help? That's what we do, it's nice to have something to look forward to also.

Sugarsweet - I know loads of ladies who have been successful with a snowbaby. Clinics wouldn't offer it as an option if it wasn't a good option. If I was you I would go for the FET and if it doesn't work then see if u can do another fresh egg share cycle. 

Hi and welcome to all the newbies plus anyone I've not done a personal for.

AFM - did a final test yday which of course was negative but that seems to have done the trick & I've finally accepted it hasn't worked and I'm focusing on our follow up appt on the 12th.

Tilnutt xx


----------



## sugarsweet

thank you for the reply very much appreciated i know what your saying makes sense xx


----------



## xgkatex

Hi,

I have so enjoyed reading everyones stories. It is lovely not to feel so alone with the way I feel. Although it is sad to see how many of us are here. I would just like to say a big thanks to everyone for helping each other. I am wishing so hard for everyone that the next round is our round. It must be our turn.

Have a good week  xxxx


----------



## Leah66

Ive got my date to start DR 20thSept so I will be moving over to the cycle buddies soon. I'm still feeling quite numb about approaching my 3rd ICSI, I was nieve and just thought it would work first time.

Well, fingers crossed.. legs open!! Hopefully 3rd time lucky for me.  

I just wanted to say, although I don't post very often, I'm always hovering and reading ths thread!. Stalking!!
But you are all in my thoughts, the only women who truely know how I feel are you lot.


----------



## LadyHarrop

Thanks for the welcome ladies. Despite it being the last thing I wanted to do last night, I got up for work this morning, and just managed to have a matter of fact conversation with my boss about it. I didn't burst into tears, my voice didn't crack...I'm obviously getting used to the idea. 
This seems like a great board, I'm glad there is somewhere I can rant about the unfairness of it all. The PMA thing was starting to get me down. 

Sugarsweet - like you I've only got one frostie, and was starting to think we might as well go for another fresh cycle, because I want 2 put back next time, surely, that's got to improve my chances of success But the nurse I spoke to said that they wouldn't put 2 back at all because of my age, even if I went private with them! So will have a FET with them, but if that doesn't work, will certainly be looking for a different clinic for next fresh cycle as can't get another on NHS. And I wasn't all together impressed with them. I'm angry that some of the embies weren't frozen earlier on, I went from 18 eggs, to 9 embies to only 2 blasto's...why didn't they freeze some earlier Maybe I should wait until the debrief meeting...

Leah - good luck with your next cycle x

Chloe - so, sorry to hear your news. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon x

Should prob get back to work now...so will looking at some more personals later x


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## Pinkpingu

Morning ladies,

It's been very busy on here over the weekend!

xgkatex - I know what you mean about feeling in an evil mood because everyone seems to be pregnant. I think I'm just noticing pregnant ladies more than normal as they are everywhere. Surely the population is having a boom at the moment!

Mel81 - Well done on losing half a stone. I just seem to be adding to my weight at the moment. Can't stop comfort eating and my appetite has gone through the roof since my cycle.

Perfectly flawed - I think it's awful you have been left until March for your next cycle without anything in between. What were their reasons for leaving it so long? It might help to set yourself mini targets in between now and then like increasing your exercise, changes to your diet etc? I'm struggling not knowing when my next cycle will be. It's like being in limbo land.

Sugarsweet - I had what I thought was kidney pain for the first few weeks after my BFN, it did subside and I think it was my ovaries as I had over 50 follicles at the end of my treatment so my ovaries were very swollen. I feel angry with my clinic over why they left me go to blasto as I had 7 perfect embies at day 3 then only 1 slow blast on day 5. I guess it's really difficult for them to know what will happen after day 3 so maybe your clinic hedged on the side of caution for you. It's great that you have a frozen blast though, your chances with that are much better so fingers crossed for it. Another lady on here (Ruby) is in the same position as you wondering whether to have her frostie transferred next or go with another fresh cycle. It's a tough decision to make.

Nosilab - I hope your donors AF comes soon and you can get on to stimms. I had to wait an extra week for my recipient to get her AF and that week really dragged.

LadyHarrop - Welcome, I too felt so much love for my little blasto when I saw it on the screen. It nearly made me cry, my stomach did a 360 flip! I wondered if my clinic had transferred at day 3 instead of day 5 I would have a better chance as I had 7 perfect embies at day 3 but only 1 at day 5. 

Vickytick - It must be really tough to have spent most of the time you have been with your DH TTC. I think if you are still together now that shows you have a really strong relationship and you should be proud of that. Maybe try date nights so that you can concentrate on one another and give your relationship some quality time?

Chloe - welcome, I am sorry you didn't get to ET this time. You must be in such a difficult place right now. My heart goes out to you.

Tilnutt - I hope you get the answers you want at your follow up on the 12th, not long to wait now.

Leah - Good luck with your next cycle.

Hello to VWilko and Jodes 17 and all the other ladies on here who haven't posted in the past few days. I hope you are all well and enjoyed your weekends.

AFM - My friends had their little boy on Saturday so have been avoiding ******** updates. They aren't close friends so I won't need to meet baby Jake for some time which is good as I think I would just cry if I had to. It was bad enough having to listen to other friends talk about him on Saturday evening when we were all out. As I don't know when my next treatment will be until I am matched again I am using my next AF as a mini target. I hate being in limbo land, I just want to get on with things now. I'm due to ovulate this week so I'm feeling pretty rubbish. I have a type of bladder disease that is affected by my fertility hormones so 10 days before ovulation I am in intense pain and discomfort so it's always a difficult part of my cycle for me. Lots of early nights this week planned.


----------



## sugarsweet

LADYHAROP- i was told i was only allowed one put back but the nurse has now told me there only allowed to advise us and final choice is ours!! i only had 3 eggs that fertilized on day 3 i had 1-4 cell 1-8 cell and 1-9 cell they put the 8 cell back and see if the other 2 would go to blast 9 cell made it 4 cell did but very slow so no good, i wish i had let them all go to blast as clearly the wrong embie was put back !! i really don't no what to do now to go fresh and see if i get more blasts to freeze for next time or to give my blast a try its driving me mad and i have had a panic attack every day since my bfn my AF is so heavy i feel like I'm going to pass out every time i stand just feeling so down and angry x


----------



## Chloe l

Dear all, 
Thanks for the welcome & letting me join you I feel less alone just being able to chat to u knowing u do actually know how sad I feel.

*Pinkpingu * thanks for the lovely welcome sorry your last cycle didn't work hope u get a match really soon , hearing about other peoples babies is really tough isn't it. Big hug x 
* sugarsweet* I also have I embie frozen mine was frozen at the day it fertilised ww r also having the debate whether to have FET transfer when I am well enough or do another fresh cycle. I would love to do the FET because I found the last cycle really tough didn't get to transfer got mild OHSS and also need to have a polyp removed first. Seeing consultant on thur so will see what he thinks our chances are for our snow baby


----------



## sugarsweet

hi Chloe it is such a hard choice i have looked up the pro and con and have still to find one that out rules the other !! i have a good hatching blast and my clinic said its a 30% chance that they don't make the thaw but as its a good hatching blast does have a good chance, i on the other hand done short protocol and did not find the treatment that bad it is only now that I'm coping not so good emotional melt down I'm now followed by being angry that they left the best to freeze and not to put back, also i egg share as i can not afford ivf so if i do go with fet i have to come up with £2000 which i don't have right now, i'm so confused i'm not gong to stress my head any more till i see the doc on the 5th x


----------



## Mel81

Evening ladies!

Perfectlyflawed did you manage to speak to someone at your clinic today hun? Hope you got some better answers and can start sooner, March seems so long to wait for you.

Sugarsweet hope your ok and not getting too stressed I imagine it must be a difficult choice for you. Im having fozen cycle next and only transferring 1 blast out of my 2 remaining frozen at day 5, Im NHS so fortunately my fets are included but I would like to have 2 transferred but they wont let me on NHS but I keep getting upset thinking if Id of had 2 maybe one would of taken? Although I read somewhere that having 1 single fresh ET and 1 single frozen ET gives you tht same odds as having 2 embies transferred in one go, so Im trying to take hope from that. Hope your pains settling down.

Nosilab hope the dr going well and doners af starts on time!

Vickytick hope your ok hun, I know what you mean its so hard to not let it take over your life. Today at work I had a convo with 2 ladies who were child free by choice and it was so nice to not have all the usual chat about babies and have i got any etc! They didnt know about my situation but were just chatting away saying how happy they are with there lives and i was thinking i just wont be fully happy until i have a baby. I cant imagine never having my own child its just so unfair what were all having to go through. Maybe i should get a pup like you! The diets not going so well today im eating everything in sight!

Tilnutt the 12th cant come soon enough! Now we can say its next week which makes me happy I want to get cracking now I feel my body has recovered! Hope all goes well hun.

Leah good luck for 3rd cycle really hope its 3rd time lucky for you!

Pinkpingu think I may end up putting the half stone back on this week the amount ive been eating today lol. I know exactly what you mean about ** i end up deactivating every couple of months when it all becomes too much to bare! Feel so envious seeing baby announcements drives me mad. Cant wait til its our turn.

welcome to the newbies Chloe and Ladyharrop very sorry to see you here but you will be well supported. Sending hugs x

Hi to everyone else i forgot to mention! Another monday done and dusted! x x x


----------



## Mel81

Oh forgot to say hows everyone's cycle doing now? It's been nearly 4 weeks since AF and there doesn't seem to be any sign of O or AF just wondering if others went back to normal or were delayed? Thanks x


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## Nosilab

Hi lovely ladies,

Hi *Pinkpingu*, thanks for your message. I feel a bit of a 'fraud' still posting on this thread really but I do miss chatting to you all, I feel a bit lost on here (FF) sometimes at the mo so your message to me was _very _ much appreciated. Donor's AF now arrived so we both started stimms yesterday  Was very happy to move on to the next stage, because as you say, this extra week seems to have _really _ dragged! I really hope you're matched with a recipient asap  Your bladder disease sounds really awful, you poor thing! No wonder you feel down having to cope with that pain every month. Hope generally you and DW are ok though, and that you manage to get through the 'baby Jake' announcement 

Thanks *Mel81 * for your lovely message. DR went ok thank you, still sniffing though - I forgot I still have to sniff at the same time as stimms - how easily and quickly I forget! Hope you're ok, and hope your follow up appt goes well next week 

Hugs to all xx


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## Chloe l

Morning ladies,

how is everyone today?

*Sugarsweet * i think i will see what my consultant has to say on Thursday when i have my follow regarding the FET cycle first over starting a fresh cycle. can you get NHS funding for your FET i know some do, we just had the one fresh cycle so everything since we have had to pay for oocchh it is getting expensive will be soo worth it thought when we hold our little one. I entered into this IVF journey thinking it would work first time oh how naive i was, the not knowing when it will work makes it really hard i find. i feel so lost at the moment not having a transfer but going through all the drugs and op is really hard.

*Nosalib * lovely to see you again i remember you from before, hope that you are doing OK and wishing you all the best for your cycle xx

*Mel81 * hello great that you have some snow babies waiting for you i bet you cant wait to get going now, do you have a date in mind? wishing you all the very best

Hello to everyone else
chloe x


----------



## crazyroychick

Hi everyone, been off here for a few days to get my head together! Hows everyone doing?

Mel - it was 7 weeks after my 2nd cycle before I got another period but straight back to normal after miscarriage think it can really vary due to drugs.

Can't believe difference in clinics, we egg shared too and are only 850 for FET also I am under 35 but was allowed to put 2 embryos back during first cycle but see a lot off other places only put 1 back at the end of the day they can only advise!

Had our follow up yest so just waiting for next period to arrange FET xx


----------



## xgkatex

Hi pinkpingu.

Thanks for your lovely message. Yes you are right I think there is a baby boom. 

I know exactly what you mean about friends having babies, it is worse than anything as you hear about it everywhere.

I hope your ok with your bladder disease, it sounds nasty. 

take care 

Katie  xx


----------



## crazyroychick

Had been feeling really positive today but just went to see my pal who told me she is accidently pregnant with her 3rd child, oh this is so unfair am not greedy would be over the moon with one bambino!

Oh well rant over, really happy for her just reminds me how far away this is for us and that it may never happen xx


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## sugarsweet

hi crazyroychick are you haveing one snow babyback or 2 hun? sorry to be nosey just i have the one snow baby and dont no if to fo fet or fresh clinic have tole me it was a atching blast at day 5 x


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## crazyroychick

Am hoping to have both if they survive the thaw, mine are 3 day 1-7 cell and 1-10 cell.  To wait for next period then they will give us dates for natural FET.  How you feeling about it all? xx


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## sugarsweet

oh hun i don't no where my head is at mine is a 30% chance they don't make the thaw proses but the Good thing is if it does then it is a strong embie, but £2000 i have not really got for another bfn. but i could do egg share again and next time i might not even get good embies so its a 50/50 chance why is there no such things a a Crystal ball !!


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## crazyroychick

I no messes with your head, doesn't it! It's 850 for our transfer, but out of cash after that! At least 70% chance of surviving thaw. Not having a good day today at all!xx


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## sugarsweet

it sure is Hun, it is the worse feeling i have clinic tomorrow and I'm so undecided i just hope tomorrow i have a more clear head on were to go x


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## Ruby998

Hey ladies hope your all ok. Sorry to see so many newbies but welcome to the thread.

Well I'm back from a nice sunny week in Greece, back to reality again! We didn't discuss ivf much whilst away- tried to forget about it. Apart from having pregnant bellies shoved in my face all week- ha only a couple but I thought I would get away from the hundreds here!! Ha.

Pink pingu- u heard anything from the clinic yet? I'm going to ring tomorrow to see whether I'm close to being matched. If not frostie in 4 weeks. Hubbie thinks fet is the right option.

Sugarsweet and crazyroychick- I'm on the same boat as u 2. Its fresh or frozen? I too only have 1 and scared it won't survive the thaw and if it does is a lower quality than the failed (early 5 day blast) but I've decided to leave it to fate- if I'm matched before my next AF (this Friday)!!! Then I will have another fresh and demanding 2 put back but if I'm not matched then I will give the frostie a shot- although if it fails and we need to go again I will be very very skint but hey ho.

xx


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## sugarsweet

so does that mean with fet it is lower chance then the failed fresh cycle , i thought as it was a blast it would be better ? i had a 8-cell put back on my last cycle. This one would be a hatching blast i hate the world of science !! if thats the case i would rather do egg share again and have 2 put back as well or this time have a day 5 transfer will see what happends tomorrow now


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## Ruby998

Sugar sweet- no sorry I only mean my embie as they put the best one in first time round, so my thinking is if that didn't work then why would this one. They have told me that 90% of embies survive the thaw do that's hopeful. Sure u will know better tomorrow, good luck!

xx


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## Nosilab

Hi sugarsweet and crazyroychick,

Hope you don't mind me adding to your chat but I wondered if you saw this latest news report? I happened (by pure chance!) to see it on BBC Breakfast this morning. I've just tried to find a podcast of it for you but can't find it on the BBC website, so Googled it instead....this is what they we discussing on on the pros and cons of a fresh/FET cycles...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19468026

The doc/consultant on the BBC prog this morn was implying that FET is just as good as fresh, if not better as the woman's body isn't as "stressed with drugs" like it is with a fresh IVF cycle. I know this doesnt answer the question about thawing but it was an interesting article so thought I'd share it with you 

.....also crazyroychick, I think your rant is very much justified! I'd have ranted much more! I really felt sad for you reading about your friends 'accidental pregnancy'. They are just the worst announcements and so hard to accept  It always feel like people like that are gloating or making out it's such a 'nuisance' they've fallen pregnant when actually any one of us on here would give anything to be in their position - if only they could spend one week in our shoes, and then they'd understand. Sending hugs 

Hi Chloe I, thank you for your message and good wishes, that means a lot to me. Sending you lots of luck and hugs too 

Hi to all xx


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## sugarsweet

they put the best one in me so i thought !! but being a first time ivf i did not know what to ask and were to start were this time i will be going in with so much more ect if i do fresh i wont to put back at day 3 if i have more then 3 embies i wont a day 5 transfer, i dont feel happy with the coice my clinic wanted and dont feel they explained it enough to me ie i never knew at day 3 is when a embie could stop growing so if i had 3 in the dish i should of gone to blast but i will be putting this across tomorrow x


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## crazyroychick

Hello nosilab thanks for link, how are you?

Sugarsweet best of luck for tomorrow, hope you get some answers and they can put your mind at ease, let me know how you get on, lots of love xx


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## LadyHarrop

Hi Sugarsweet and crazyrockchic
Oh! Its so hard to know what to do for the best isn't it? Why isn't there any guarantees? It doesn't help there are financial pressures influencing our decisions too. Damn, NHS lottery    
I've decided to change clinics, like sugarsweet, I just felt as if my clinic didn't provide me with enough info during my cycle, I didn't know what questions to ask, and wasn't part of the decisions re my fertilised eggs. No one really explained it all to me, they were all too busy. 
I've found out I can move my frostie, once all paperwork is in place, and they won't need to do all the tests again, once they've got my notes. The new clinic is a specialist clinic, rather than a hospital dept. I think smaller will be better for me (and their stats look better too). 
My husband saw the bbc news article Nosilab recommended. And I am going to try and put my faith in the fact that a FET will be less stressful, and so (I hope) will aid implantation. I'm told that they only freeze the very best embryo's which have a strong chance of surviving defrosting, so I am not worrying that the "best" was already used. 
I have talked to new clinic about multiple embryos being put back. They say, they have to follow their policy, and are targeted on reducing multiple births, so will only put one back. It will be difficult for me to find a clinic who will put multiples back. 
I hope you get some answers which put your mind at ease sugarsweet. My old clinic aren't seeing me until end of month!!! So I'm not likely to get any quickly, but feel better starting the process to change clinics


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## Nosilab

Thanks crazyroychick, I'm doing ok thank you, how are you?  I've sent you some bubbles for luck!


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## divegirl99

Hey all,

I saw the article in the paper too and my DH investigated that clinic in Barcelona that was mentioned in it, apparently they are the leaders in FETs and the studies of its impact and success.  I guess in reality those embies have as much chance as the fresh ones and I do wonder what impact all the drugs, stress etc has on the body during a fresh cycle.

AFM I'm due to start our 1st FET on the 17th Sept so we'll see how it goes.  We've got 2 frozen but our consultant has recommended only transferring 1 which I guess is the same reason as last time, that we only have male factor issues so should have a good chance with the 1- we'll see.     

xx


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## sugarsweet

HELLO LADYHARROD i have clinic today and I'm going to put my view's across,if they had told me that on day 3 most embies don't make it to blast i would never of just had the one back or i would of waited to day 5 to not of been given a choice is why I'm so angry, i have as for now decided to go for my snow baby and will ask to be stating the next cycle asap, i have in the mean time found a new clinic in Harley street that have a amazing success rate, i will give my clinic the chance with my snow baby as i do also believe that it is down to luck when the embie is back in side the womb  but as for as my next cycle if this is not to work i will be going to a new clinic they have told me that they would allow 2 embies put back if i don't go to blast, good luck to all 
 i get some postive out look today x


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## Pinkpingu

Sugarsweet - that's really interesting about how clinics are only allowed to advise us on how many embies to put back in. I was told due to my age and good fertility I would only be allowed to have one transferred. I completely forgot at my review to discuss having two put back next time if possible. My friend had two transferred first time round and got pregnant with her little boy so having two tranferred for her obviously upped the odds of a pregnancy. But then my colleague's sister had two tranferred, ended up pregnant with twins and was really poorly throughout the pregnancy. She had to have them induced at 35 weeks and now the twins will be in hospital for weeks so their lungs can build up etc so I worry about that for me if I were to insist on a double transfer. It's such a hard decision! My AF was ridiculously heavy and painful afyer my BFN and even the second one wasn't great. I'm hoping the next one will be more bearable. I too have heard about how FET can be more successful than a fresh transfer as the body isn't riddled with hormones, my clinic posted a link to the study on their blog. £2000 is expensive for a FET, I think my clinic charge around £1000. I hope your clinic appointment goes well today.

Mel81 - I too like to speak to childless women, I'm sick of having conversations about how amazing someone's baby is, how rubbish sleepless nights are blah blah blah. I know if I am ever fortunate enough to have a baby I will be boring others like this too but for now I'd rather avoid it. My cycle appears to be ok since BFN. I had my first bleed before OTD, my first natural AF arrived 33 days later which is roughly right for my cycle and this month's ovulation is taking place today or tomorrow which is a little earlier than usual. I think I have been really lucky though with my cycle bouncing back, my clinic were really surprised so it must be fairly normal for AF to be delayed following treatment. 

Nosilab - I don't think you are a fraud posting on here, it's nice to get updates from you. I didn’t really feel part of my cycle thread but I feel really welcome here so I can empathise with you feeling lost on here. Thank you for your well wishes regarding my bladder, ovulation is a nightmare but to be honest the pain is always present, I can't remember the last time I had a pain free day or even a pain free minute. It's rubbish but you just have to get on with life don't you. Any news on your donors AF?

Chloe 1 - I too started my IVF journey believeing it would work first time for us, it's been a huge shock that it didn't. I'm terrified number two will fail too. I can't imagine how you feel having to have gone through treatment and collection without the transfer at the end. However, like others have said there is evidence to suggest FET is better for our bodies than a fresh transfer so maybe you could take a little comfort in that.

Crazyroychick - how did your follow up go? It's a good idea to take a break from here now and again, I tend to resist logging on at weekends so I can try to forget about IVF. It doesn't always work but I think it helps most of the time. Who needs accidentally pregnant friends. Grrr! 

Xgkatex - thank you to you too about your kind words, I hope you are having a good few days.

Ruby - welcome back, I am glad you had a lovely holiday. You and your DH deserved the break. I've not heard from the clinic other than a letter yesterday detailing my review consultation. Me and DW have decided not to contact them until my second AF but as soon as that arrives I'll be chasing up my match. I'm desperate to have treatment done before the new year. I think it's good that you feel ok about having a FET, I would have gone ahead with a FET if I had any snow babies, I'm dreading another fresh cycle. Fingers crossed AF arrives on time this Friday.

Ladyharrop - I didn't realise you could move frosties between clinics so that's really good news for you. It's really important you trust and respect the clinic you are with so I think you have made the right decision to move.

Divegirl99 - good luck for your FET on the 17th, sending lost of postive vibes your way.


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## Ruby998

Pink pingu- yes it was a lovely relaxing break thanks. I rang the clinic today and Vicky answered (grrrr) I always ask for Sam but she wasnt there. Anyways as unhelpful as ever she told me that if I haven't heard anything then I just had to wait and have me a lecture on how these things are complicated amd take time! I said that they had already sent my details to one lady to which she responded well we obviously haven't heard back! Grr again. So I said ok well it's only as I'm due AF Friday and need to know before so we can plan frozen embie. She then paused and said that they would chase up recipient and get back to me ASAP. Hate being left in limbo!
Hope AF number 2 arrives quick for u!!
xx


----------



## Chloe l

Hi ladies, 
There has been lots of talk of FET we have a day 1 fertilised egg frozen which was frozen the day after EC does anyone have any experience of this ? Are all the rest of u 5 day blasts which are frozen? Will my 1 survive thaw and as it's early days would it survive to make a transfer ? I'm so confused don't know what to do so thought I'd ask all you lovely ladies 
X


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## sugarsweet

PINKPINGU hello Hun yes I think it's alot as well and for one blast as well yes they tell us the risk of 2 ect the same was with me they advised me not because of age and good fertilty but the final dision is ours !! i wish I had gone to blast now did you no that on day 3 they don't even know if embie will go on to blast as % of embies stop growing at 8 cell some thing else they never told me I would of rather risked blast and end up with none then have a emir that 50% may not of made it any way that way when af arrived I would never of felt like I had lost my baby  at least now I know what I want ! And on my terms next cycle xx


----------



## Ruby998

Grrrr I'm so annoyed- rang clinic this morning as been on holiday and wanted to know whether I have been matched in between. They rang and spoke to recipient and she wants another week to think about it- fair enough!! Obviously a huge decision and I totally appreciate that. However, AF due Friday and I said all along that if I was not matched before then I would have frozen. I asked nurse when I would need to tell them of I wanted my frozen I.e. can I wait until 16th so that we know for definate about recipient as I do not want to let her down. She said no, I need to decide this weekend! Grrr what should I do?? 

Sorry for the me post! Just needed to rant!

xxx


----------



## sugarsweet

hello Lady's well back from the clinic and I'm going to go for my one and only snow baby i will be having a natural fet starting on my next period roll on the 27th of september   i get my bfp this time around


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## crazyroychick

I am due 1st oct also going for natural FET, hope n  we get our BFP's this time! xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies how are we all?

Whilst I've never had enough eggs to get to frozen   I do know a few ff ladies that have. Strangely I know more ladies with IVF babies or pg wih FET rather than fresh so im actually upset that I don't get to freeze any. It works just as well so don't panic or worry. I agree that less drugs must help as well it's more natural.

I'm feeling a bit like its never going to happen today as I feel my biological clock is ticking like mad. Feel like its the mad hatter out of Alice in wonderland banging on about being late - lol. Think I'm cracking up or the sun has got to me. Can't help but think only 4 months until my dreams have gone as its my last IVF go in dec. then I need to move on..


----------



## L21

hey,

Hope you dont mind me gate-crashing. I'm inbetween cycles following my 3rd ICSI that didnt make it to ET. We've got a followup appt tomorrow with a Urology consultant to see if its worth my DH having mTESE.
Its nice to see that people here and equally frustrated with the world and the unfairness of it all.
On Saturday I have to endure a day with two couples who are friends of my husband's, one who is pregnant and the other has two young children. Really cant be doing with it!!! Do you think it would be weird to ask if they could keep the baby conversation to a minimum..or would that be selfish of me??
xx


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## sugarsweet

crazyroychick said:


> I am due 1st oct also going for natural FET, hope n  we get our BFP's this time! xx


woop woop we could be fet cycle buddies and help each other through the 2ww sending us lots of luck x


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## crazyroychick

yeah n hopefully both get our well deserved bfp's!

welcome any new faces, no you are not selfish to wish baby chatter kept to a minimum I went to see my pal yest who announced her accidental 3rd pregnancy just wanted to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xx


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## divegirl99

Hi all, I'm having medicated FET starting D/R on the 17th Sept so I'll probably be cycle buddies with some of you too.

Good luck to all of us.   

xx


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## Tilnutt

Afternoon Ladies,

I thought my notifications had stopped working as this board has gone quiet. Hope that's a good thing and everyone is enjoying the lovely weather.

Good to hear quite a few of you are ready for you next cycle & have a date to aim for.

We have our follow up appt on Wednesday, looking forward to getting answers to our questions and a date to cycle again. Started diet Thursday, feel better for it.

Tilnutt xx


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## Mel81

Hi tilnutt I thought the same! Hope diets going well! I've joined weightwatchers so hoping to have lost a couple of pounds when I get weighed tues! It's easier in this weather just been eating salads.

I excited for my f/u wed like you be good to know when we an start again! Good luck for appt x

Hi everyone else! Hope alls well xxx


----------



## (hugs)

Afternoon Ladies, sorry Ive been AWOL for a bit needed some time away from all things ivf related, but I'm back now and my AF arrived yesterday so I'll be ringing the clinic tomorrow to get the ball rolling, start the BCP too so count down till i start DR I'm feeling happy AF is here but scared it wont work again. I have 3 frosties left my consultant said 1 to transfer but i really want 2 back with having 1 fresh and 1 frozen negative cycle!! so when it comes to the day if my snow babies survive the thaw I'm going to push for 2 this time i feel its the right thing to do for myself, well heres hoping 

Theres lots of talk about fresh/frozen i think it all depends on money issues, and whats right for you at the time the one thing i like about FET is that you don't have to stimm and have EC which is a bonus but on the other hand with FET your always worrying about your frosties surving 

So many newbies hello and welcome to this thread, sorry to hear of all the BFN's gutting isn't it, but your all in the right place 

*Ruby* hi ya Hun so glad you enjoyed your holiday hope the weather was lovely for you  sorry your clinic have not been that helpful, hope you make the right decision Hun 

*Vickytrick * Hi ya Hun sorry to ear your feeling the way you are at the min sending some positive vibes your way    I hope the next time its your time Hun you deserve it 

Hello to everyone else hope you all are well and enjoying the sun


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## rose987

Hi Ladies

I was only on here briefly as wanted a break after bfn but then needed some more moral support ...I have just started ICSI no 2, so will need to leave this site (as not meant for people on cycle), but wanted to thank you for your support and wish you all luck      

Pink Pingu - when my female friend came out as gay to her mum, her mum said  ..."well she wasnt bothered re grandkids anyway", funny how some people make assumptions eh! 

Nosilab  - sorry it hasnt worked out for you so far. Is DE donor egg or donor embryo that you will be trying? Not many people speak of donor embryo but one of the moderators on FF had a baby this way I believe. Also saves the worry re whether there will be fertilisation etc, but then suppose have worry of thawing instead - what a lottery this all is!  BUT obviously then cant use partners sperm. So many things to decide!!! (Im thinking about donor egg/ donor embryo as back up plan too but havent a clue re waiting lists/ costs etc?).  

Ill check messages one more time then say my goodbyes


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## Ruby998

Yes I thought it had been quiet on here- missed u all ha.

Mel- good luck with your follow up on weds! Do you have any frosties or will u be doing another fresh?

Rose- fingers crossed this will be your turn! We don't want to see u back here! Good luck.

Hugs- how are u? I only have 1 frostie so have no option but if I had two I would definitely push for them both. Ooh not long now! Good luck.

AFM- decision was made for me on Friday as recipient decided she did not want to make a decision anytime soon so I will be having FET in 3weeks!!! So scared about everything- it surviving the thaw, the 2ww and seeing the dreaded BFN and being back here! Sorry no offense lol as u have all been wonderful and kept me sain. So like rose I will love u and leave u as not supposed to talk about tx. Good luck to u all and I really hope your next tx results in a BFP.

xxx


----------



## (hugs)

*Ruby* and *Rose * Just wanted to wish you both lots an lots of luck with TX girls heres to becoming mummys  lets hope and pray 2013 is our year good luck!!!

On that note i will say my goodbyes too  thank you to all the ladies, who have given me strength to carry on. You have all been great support to me and have been wonderful over the past months i cant thank you enough as if it wasn't or this thread god knows where my head would have been now.. Lol
All the best of luck to all you ladies you all deserve it


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## Mel81

Ahh girls ruby, rose and hugs Good luck to you all really hope this will be the one for you all!! X

Ruby Thankyou for good luck wishes! Yes I have 2 frosties which are 5 day blasts would like to have them both but only allowed one at a time as nhs still. Although dh thinks best that way so we'll have one to fall back on if next go doesn't work out! X


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## rose987

ruby, hugs and mel thanks for your good luck wishes! Good luck with your tx too!      

To everyone else good luck too


----------



## Pinkpingu

Ruby, Hugs, Mel & Rose good luck with your treatment. Will be thinking of you all and hope this time you get your BFPs xxxxx


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## Tilnutt

Good Luck to all starting treatment   

Quick Question, Just went to the loo and when I wiped there was some red spotting. I'm day 15 of my cycle since BFN so AF isn't due until Friday week. It was very little but still surprised me and so thought I'd ask if anyone has experienced anything similar?

Mel81 - Good luck with weight watchers & your weigh-in tomorrow. I'm a Cambridge Weight Plan (used to be Cambridge Diet) Consultant so I follow that diet inbetween cycles. Weight loss is rapid which is good as I get so demotivated by slow weight loss.

xx


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## Pinkpingu

Tilnut I had spotting around ovulation during my first cycle after BFN. Not sure what caused it but I went on to have AF on time x


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## sugarsweet

hi Lady's hope all is well i had my bfn on the 31st of Aug and have now decided to go for my one and only hatching blast, my one concern is on the day of my day 3 transfer i had a 8 cell put back which was the bfn the frostie i have now was then on day 3 a 9-cell if they did not put it back on day 3 does that mean it is not that good am i wasting my time putting it back or should i just do a whole new cycle my fet is due to  start on the 27th so have little time to decide my clinic are no good at all and give me no support


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## crazyroychick

Sugarsweet they are extremely picky and only freeze excellent quality embies they think will survive thawing, out of 3 cycles this is first time we have had frozen.

Am starting natural FET soon, best of luck and hope we both get our well deserved BFP's Xx


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## L21

Hey all,

Just wanted to off-load a bit on here!
My DH and I have had 3 ICSI cycles and discussing our 4th cycle. The last one we got no embryos to transfer (see my profile below) and I just cant bear the thought of having our 4th cycle of ICSI and for it to fail again. Plus it will cost us £8-10K and that puts financial pressure on us. I'd like to look at donor sperm as it easier for us to have this than a full cycle with my DH's sperm and possibly another BFN. I'm 37 and i'm scared that time is running away, the cycle wont work, it will be December and then we'll have to discuss donor then. I tried to talk to my Dh last night, but he is against using donor. I just feel that we've given it a good go with his sperm, I've had three cycles and a miscarriage and its time for me to be a mum now and if that means using donor, well so be it. It ended up being an argument between us! But its just so unfair that ALL of our friends are pregnant or parents, and their younger/married after us. I'm tired of being the only non-pregnant one at parties!!! argggggghhhhhhh.
My father-in-law has offered us some money for a cycle, but my DH is currently redundant and we'll need money for maternity leave if I ever get pregnant. So dont want to end up in debt, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it.

Any advice for me??

xx


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## sugarsweet

crazyroychick said:


> Sugarsweet they are extremely picky and only freeze excellent quality embies they think will survive thawing, out of 3 cycles this is first time we have had frozen.
> 
> Am starting natural FET soon, best of luck and hope we both get our well deserved BFP's Xx


 thank you hun i get more sense of the lady's on here then my clinic,i'm doing a natural fet just got to wait for af on the 27th now,just so scared of that dreaded 2ww and that bfn xx


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## crazyroychick

Me too sugarsweet, had a m/c and 2 BFN's, really thought it would have worked by now! Anyway we are both going to get BFP's xx


----------



## sugarsweet

yes we are   when are you doing your fet ? x


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## Chloe l

Louie21, 
Hello honey I completely understand the devastation of going through a cycle only to not get a transfer I am so sorry . I just had my second ICSI we are also self funding and it is very stressful onto of everything else. I had 16 eggs collected but were told 5 minuets after I woke up from egg collection that all my eggs would have to be frozen due to me having a polyp and OHSS but then in the morning more bad news only 1 fertilised which was a shock as had 4 last time. So we are having to get my polyp removed which is more money £1600 and then pay for another ICSI cycle I feel cheated out of a chance. It's just such a rollercoaster ride isn't it. 
I hope u can accept some help from family I'm sure they would love to help you , try not to lose hope we will both get there xxxx


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## Tilnutt

Pinkpingu - thanks for sharing and good to hear AF still arrived on time for you. I haven't had anymore so fingers crossed my AF won't be delayed either  x


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## LadyHarrop

Hi Louie21
I didn't want to read and run...I completely understand your feelings that everyone else is pregnant or parents already, which doesn't make for great parties. I've started avoiding them really - which isn't the way to go, but it gets me through. 
You're a couple more cycles further down the line than me, so I can't talk from paralell experience unfortunately.  However, I do think its really difficult for men to think about giving up on fathering children genetically. Its not the same but I've tried to talk to my husband about adoption - all I want is for us to have the chance to love and care for a child, and watch them grow. I don't feel I need to be genetically related. But he, just will not consider this as an option until the Dr's recommend we give up on IVF (I wonder if they ever do that?). He will take out bank loans for us to do that. Where as I think, that this is taking money out of our pockets which we'll need if we do get a child...
There is no answer, men think differently to us. Try to talk to him again. Can you go to your clinic to discuss? I know my husband might consider such a step if the Dr's recommend it
Good luck,


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## Vickytick

_Lady hardtop_ I think exactly like you all I want is to be a mum so genetics are not t the foremost for me. Luckily dh is willing to do to adoption well he's keener than me IVF truth be told BUT. He does have a son from his first marriage so it's slightly diff as he has the biological thing there. My worry is the scrutiny of adoption and the whole referee business. Dh and I have only been together just short of 4yrs so dont have many joint friends as we were 34 when we got together and most couples have kids so you don't tend to meet many 'new' people. So I'm not sure who we'd use as only one can be family. Then I've always been quite hormonal so worry mood swings will go against me as well even though I'm much better now. It's do hard at what point do you 'give up' your dream of your own child. I'm 39 in a few months so age is not on my side. I agree about the whole cost you can keep paying but if it keeps failing all you have is debt and no child surely that must affect your relationship as you are paying it off and foregoing holidays and your life basically.

*Louie21* so sorry to hear about getting to transfer and it all stopping that must be heartbreaking all those drugs for no chance. If your family are willing with no strings then tke it they wouldn't offer otherwise. What hurts me is my dad could afford to easily but has never offered once.

Hello to,all our newbies so sorry you are here but welcome.

Good luk to the oldies off to ttc again everything crossed for you lovely ladies


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## Chloe l

Morning vickytic, 
How are you doing? I agree about the expense it does worry me that all we will have is debt at the end and for the first time ever we have money worries and it does put a strain on the relationship , we are just about to pay for another cycle hoping to get a transfer this time !!!my dad also could afford to help but hasn't I wonder why they don't and what it means ? I'm lucky though my mum is super supportive & is helping . 
Are you having another ivf cycle ? Wishing you all the best xxxxx


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## L21

Hi Chloe, LadyHarrop and Vickytick,

Thanks for the replies. I know, its hard isnt it. I've kinda agreed to a 4th cycle as my Dh says that he feels that we should give it another chance for him to have a biological child and that its not his fault 'that I'm 37" and feel that my time is running out! (arrggghh) so we'll look to go to the Lister. Its £205 for just the consultation and £850 for his sperm dna fragmentation tests. So thats £1000 before we even start our cycle.
I do still feel a bit resentful that he is putting me through another cycle, and it is due to his testicular failure. But if I say that then he says I'm making him feel that its his fault! (which it technically is). I think if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me who needed donor eggs so we could have a baby, then I would.
But who knows, maybe this is the cycle that will work! I'm just fedup with ICSI/infertility ruling our lives and constantly worrying about not drinking, being healthy, money etc. Its taken the fun out of something that is for most people a natural progression of getting married ie. falling pregnant. There is an advert on Tv for some car, that shows a guy going through 4 years of his life, from being a student, meeting a girl, getting married, her pregnant and then a baby. If only it was all that easy!!

xx


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## Mogget

Had our first IUI treatment, and after lots of blood tests and messed up hormone levels etc, it's a BFN  Just confirmed on the phone from today's test results.

Now we are waiting for the hormones to sort themselves out so we can have another go next cycle.

<sigh>

I was prepared for an emotional rollercoaster, but didn't expect it to be this intense.


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## Chloe l

*Louie 21 * ah honey you have been through so much I hope you are ok I gather the lister is the best IVF clinic in the UK so you should be in good hands, do you have a date for your consultation ? I know that advert on tv well it always pulls at my heart strings and makes me feel sad i guess life is just so
Not that easy !! 
*Mogget* sorry for your BFN it really sucks doesn't it , hold on tightly to hope though it will happen just for some of us unlucky ones it takes a bit longer 
Hugs xxxx


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies

*Mogget* so sorry to hear about your bfn but you are in the right place. Its certainly intense and something NOONE who hadn't gone through it can possibly understand it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically and your relationship not to mention your whole life.  x

*Louie21* completely agree with you about it supposedly being a natural progression. This week alone I've had to tell 3 people no I do not have children and can't. It's quite frankly [email protected]@t if I'm honest and after 3 years ive had enough. Dh and I are better but I know he's starting to resent the toll it's taking on our lives and our ability to have fun as when we do drink we are always worrying is it too much etc. Not to mention the constant we can't book that for next year as we might be pg conversations. No one understands your life is on hold for that one thing. I know the advert too well my sil talks about getting pg but assumes it will happen easily but I tell her you can never know. Ive come of ** as I'm sick of all the baby talk.

*Chloe i* I'm doing better thanks fou d out I've got a pt job this week so thatll help but feel like it crunch time for how much longer we keep trying. I do immunes but feel its all a gamble and get scared to get pg in case it fails again. No one can tell me why I mc but I've got my last nhs IVF go in dec so I'm holing on to that to work but who knows. With 2 mc and 2 failed IVF in under 2 years im exhausted and giving up hope.

Xx


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## Tilnutt

Evening All,

Magget, welcome and so sorry u've found yourself too however it is a good place for support. Give yourself time  

AFM - Been for our follow up this afternoon. It's so tiring & frustrating but I'm glad we now have a plan. Our consultant suggested the short protocol, which I was going to request anyway so that's good news. It was suggested that I give my body a few months to recuperate & also for both me & DH to avoid alcohol for 3 months prior to doing another cycle. We can either start Nov or Jan and we've decided Jan would be better. Gives us a chance to reduce the bill from last time, gives us 3 clear months not drinking & gives my body time to recover. My heart would love to do Nov but my head knows Jan is a better decision. New Year will bring good things! So we shall enjoy our two holidays, booked for end of Sept & beginning of Oct, and then go alcohol free!! I'm will be so proud and please if DH have go without alcohol for that long, he wasn't happy about it but agreed to it and said we have to do all we can if we want this to work  

There is also a new treatment available called IMSI (Intracytoplasmic Morphologically Selected Sperm Injection) which we have been offered as an add on to ICSI. It basically means that they look even closer at the sperm to select the top quality ones to inject into the eggs during ICSI. This doesn't increase fertilisation rates but does increase embryo quality and reduces chances of miscarriage. It's an extra £300. As we have had a miscarriage and as we struggle to get good quality embryos (never had any frosties!) then we've decided it's worth a shot.

Tilnutt xx


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## Mel81

Hi everyone and hugs to the newbies it really is terrible but you get the support here x

Tilnutt glad your appt went well and you have a plan the new procedure sounds good and that's good you have some hols to look forward to! Xmas will be here before we know it!!

Afm I had my f/u today as well and we can do our fet as soon as I've had 2 normal cycles which takes us to nov. She said everything had gone well and unfortunately we were just unlucky but our 2 frozen embies are of high quality so were feeling cautiously positive now. She also said we can have them both transferred but recommends set due to risks of twin pregnancy. I must admit I am tempted despite the risks but dh is adamant we do single but we'll see. I'm off to Cornwall next week can't wait to get away we really need the break then when I come back I'm gonna stop drinking and start preparing myself! 

Hope everyone is well xxxx


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## Tilnutt

Hi Mel81, thank you & glad u had a good f/u too  Holidays to relax and forget about treatment are the way forward  x


----------



## Mel81

Definitely! I'm now thinking we may squeeze in a cheeky weekend away at the end of oct too! We've got to have something to look forward to and we bloody deserve it!!! X


----------



## L21

Hi all,

Mogget - really sorry to hear about your BFN, i know its so gutting and horrific. Is this your first IUI?
Vickytick - yes agree about the not booking things because I might be pregnant conversation! My DH and I are going to Zambia and Botswana in October for two weeks as his family live there. I havent been for 5 years as we've been trying for the last 3.5 years so I havent been able to go as its a malarial country and my GP is always advising me not to go if I'm pregnant, or possibly pregnant or having an ICSI cycle. As the hormones make me really attractive to mosquitos and the anti-malarial drugs stay in your system for 3 months so have to be gone for me to have my ICSI cycle. But this time I'm actually going and we're hoping to have our cycle when we get back, so possibly December.
Agree about ******** being a no-go. Its non-stop baby pics or pregnancy annoucements!
I feel generally a constant low-level of stress about our infertility. Its always there in the back of my mind. And every letter we get in relation to our cicrumstance or cycle makes me feel just a little bit sick.
Yesterday we got a letter from our clinic from our last cycle saying that one of the egg had disintegrated during injection, first I;d heard of it! And they mentioned that 'they cant rule out egg quality issues either, although thought it unlikely'. That made me feel sick too!
Mel - hope you have a good holiday to cornwall.

Hi to everyone else i've missed.
xxx


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## Mogget

Louie - yes, it was our first.  OH did an early test before the bloods, and it was positive, but then she had a bit of a bleed.  When we went for the bloods, it came back that there was a tiny amount of pregnancy hormone.  We went back after 48 hours, and it had increased some more.  Then we went away for a week, came back on Monday and went for a test, which showed another increase.  Yesterday we went for another test, which showed a slight decrease, so hopefully it'll come back down soon and we can move on to thinking about the next treatment.

Annoyingly the in-laws came to stay, we told them what happened, and they talked for ages about my sister in law's pregnancy, knitting baby clothes etc.  Don't know if mother in law realised how insensitive it was...

Hope people are ok xx


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## sugarsweet

hello Lady's hope every one is OK well i have decided to go for the fet after alot of confusing and not knowing were my head was at i will be doing a natural fet on my next AF which should be here on the 27th of Oct, spoke to the lab and they have said that a hatching blast grade 5BB is good so feeling a tiny bit positive tho alot of negative still pumping through my body just wish i could learn how to relax more I'm all ways on edge and since my bfn i have got panic attacks all most very day   wishing every one lots of luck and bfp's in there next cycles xx


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## Chloe l

Sugarsweet , 
Wishing you all the best for your FET sounds like you have got a good one there x 

Afm, 
We are waiting for the date for my polyp op to come through then will be having a fresh cycle on the shorter protocol . I also feel v dis heartened after my last cycle ending so badly x


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies looking for a bit of advice whilst I wait for my next treatment in Dec. it's due to be at Barts but bit concerned that the recent news stories might mean less consultants and a delay but I'll have to wait and see on that front. What I wanted to  I dont know whether to go to gp to be referred to nhs recurrent mc clinic or will they do anything diff to Mr ******* in Epsom. People keep telling me to ask to be referred but that could take ages an I'm 38 already struggling to even get pg. I think I need Clexane but Mr S will only give it to me during IVF not if I do  superovulation or if I fall naturally but I'm scared that I could mc again as I think I get blood clots which cause a mc at 8 weeks. It's so hard to contradict a Dr but I couldn't cope with another mc. Anyone have any ideas or advice think I need to b proactive during this wait.

X


----------



## VWilko

Afternoon Ladies

Sorry I had gone AWOL for a bit (I have been reading the entries) just haven't had a chance to reply due some family health issues - my 85yr old Nan fell in her Nursing Home and has broken her hip & pelvis!!!!  Bless her she's doing ok now though.

To all those ladies who are leaving to start tx again I wish you all the luck in the world and sincerely hope not to see you back here, in a nice way  

Can anyone help me with what constitutes a good embryo to freeze?  We don't have a follow up until next month (NHS) and it's something which I have been wondering.  Following EC we were told 5 eggs had fertilised - Day 1, 2 and 3 all were still going strong (yippee) Day 4 the lab doesn't look at the them (I don't know why) but leaves them well alone Day 5 we go in for ET.  2 of our 5 didn't make it, 1 is a top grade blast (had that transferred & got my BFN) but the other 2 were still going but a bit slower and not good enough to freeze?   I was really upset we didn't get any frosties as we have to wait 6mths for Round 2.

We are off to Jersey next week for 7days as my parents have friends who live there so be nice to get away & have a break.  When we get back I am going to start on a health kick, want to lose a stone and keep ttc the natural way.  I've been following a thread where some people do fall naturally following ivf and that's what has happened to 1 lady very recently & her DH has an extremely low sperm count.  You never know miracles do happen    and the good news is AF finally arrived 4 days ago and still going strong (sorry tmi) - 

Sorry for rattling on....very selfish of me not to ask how everyone is doing.  Hi to everyone new, like I say I went AWOL for a bit     Vanessa xx


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## becky81

Good morning ladies,

My very first post after 3 years trying to conceive and watching these posts for many months - just never really had the nerve to join in and it looks very complicated but here it goes!

Waiting at present for our third fresh cycle which will be at CARE Nottingham. Last cycle there resulted in two blasts, one of which turned into chemical pregnancy  the other was frozen but died on defrosting. So sorry to hear your Blasts didn't make it either VWilko. During our cycle I was naive to think that blasts are considered a lot stronger and once you are past day three it's plain sailing - Not the case then!!!

Just waiting for my meds to arrive and will start them next month after AF at the end of Sept.

Overall feeling keen to get the treatment started and find out what the next cycle will bring. Have also got to that point where you need to start thinking about plans in 6 months - only to have that tiny ray of hope float into my thoughts 'I couldbe pregnantg by then...?'. I find that's such a scary point as when things don't turn out I always feel really foolish for thinking it could have worked and for changing my plans for no reason! When the events get here I also spend time thinking about what it would have been like to be pregnant! I look back to event 3 years ago and think about how I never would have imagined I'd still be here in 3 years time!

Anyway - back to this treatment cycle! Have now got to the point where most of my sentences regarding my treatment end in.... 'well, you never know!' so hoping for the best but preparing for the worst!

Is anybody else due to start treatment soon and feeling excited but hesitant? I can't believe how this process can have you feeling so many things at any one time!

Lots of love to all going through this.xxxx


----------



## incywincy

Hi all,

I know what you mean about wondering about plans for the next 6 months or so in case you're pregnant.  We couldn't really afford a good holiday this year but we didn't even arrange a cheapy UK one because I had IUIs in June and July and I'm the only driver in the family.  I didn't want to book a caravan in Skegness or wherever in case I had morning sickness and couldn't manage it.  So we've had no holiday this year.  Now I'm looking at treatment in Jan/Feb hopefully so can't plan anything for next year either.  I'm just wondering if my partner has October half term off so we could perhaps just go somewhere then, even just for a few days.  My sister in laws are talking about booking a big villa for next summer but I can't really commit because of not knowing if I'll be pregnant.

I haven't been posting for a while, but have been lurking around.  I feel quite on hold at the moment and hate waiting.  I've had a nice few weeks drinking, smoking and eating crap and have just ditched all that for my healthy plan again!  I put some weight on and my BMI is borderline what it should be so I'm working on getting it back down.  I want it well below so that when I start IVF drugs I've got room to gain safely.

I'm hoping to do egg share and have decided that London clinics are out due to the regular scans and travelling so I've narrowed it down to Manc. Care and Manchester Fertility Services.  Only problem is, I have a condition that may be a hindrance to sharing.  It's not hereditary and it only appeared when I was a small child.  Manc Care have said that they are happy to go ahead with egg sharing on the basis of what I've told them, but MFS said they want doctor's confirmation that it's not hereditary.  There is no known cause for my condition but there is nothing in the past 4 generations of my family to indicate it is.  I spoke to my GP who has told me that my notes show that they have labelled it a congenital disorder which has me worried - Care might change their minds if they get my notes and see the word congenital.  

I have a gut feeling of preference for MFS overall so I am seeing my hospital consultant in 3 weeks to see if he will agree to write a letter saying it's not hereditary.  But I am frustrated at having to wait for that, and if they say no, what next?

I don't blame them for being cautious - I know that the recipients have a right to eggs that are as risk free as possible and that's only fair.  I just wish it would all hurry up! 

There are 3 pregnant women at work too.  One I think got pregnant about the time I had my second IUI so I keep avoiding her because it just feels too close to home.  There's also two on maternity leave and two expectant dads so there's a lot of babyness.  It is a big place though, so there's a lot of non-pregnant people but I seem to walk past the pregnant ones so much.  Probably not but it just feels like it.

VWilko - sorry to hear about your nan, poor thing.  Enjoy your break away, and enjoy a bit of natural TTC  

Becky81 - good luck with your next cycle, I hope this one produces some good embryos for you.

Vickytick, I don't knwo much about it but can you get referred on the NHS while still continuing your private treatment?  If so, it wouldn't harm to do that.  If you have to stop the private while being on a long NHS list... that's a trickier decision.


----------



## becky81

Good for you Incywincy glad I'm not the only one that has pushed the healthy eating to side whilst in-between treatments! During my treatment I think I'd eat my own hand if the specialists recommended it! Between cycles though I really feel the need to sod it!
Saying that I'm being good now and have vowed not to eat any biscuits or chocolate until 1st November (was going to add wine to that list but I think that would send me over the edge!)

I think you're right in going with your gut in terms of where you have your treatment - best to trust your instinct. Maybe your Doc would be happy to state in a letter that 'there is no evidence to suggest that the condition is hereditary'?

Wishing you well for your next appointment - hang in there with the waiting game!
xxx


----------



## Pinkpingu

Hi ladies, just a quick one today. I'm currently dog sitting for my parents and struggling to find the time to log on here (looking after a huge allotment, house, gardens, 40 koi carp, 2 needy dogs, my grandpa and trying to fit my own life in there too!). I hope you are all well & welcome any newbies. I haven't got time to go through old posts other than the last few. Incywincy I'm egg sharing at MFS so please feel free to ask any wuestions about the clinic or programme. I hope your GP can write that letter. I'm still struggling with my eating. Not having a start date for treatment is really getting me down and not motivating me to get back on track. 2nd natural AF after BFN due weds so will let the clinic know then I'm ready to be matched with a egg recipient and fingers crossed I'm not waiting a long time. Best go, 2 sets of puppy dog eyes looking at me ready to have their first of today's walks! Parents back Thursday and cannot wait to be back home with my DW and my 2 naughty cats


----------



## L21

Hey girls,

Just checking in to see how everyone is. Its so nice to be on a thread which doesnt have to be positive!! haha.
I was at a wedding this weekend, only 60 guests but three pregnant women were among those and two of our friends had very young babies and were breast-feeding. I was actually okay, and felt alright-ish. Although there is still that general panic feeling of 'maybe it wont happen for me'. But i managed noto to cry, and that was despite loads of wine!

Vickytick - are you looking at NewLife in Epsom? I had my last cycle there. I think it would be worth going private to get the ball rolling perhaps?

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Vwilko* I had a similar experience during my last ivf. I got 6 eggs, 5 fertilised and 4 made it to blast. The 2 top grade ones were put back but the other 2 weren't quite good enough to freeze. Like you I thought that if they made it to blast it meant they could be frozen so was disappointed that it would mean again I wouldn't get a frozen cycle. Again like you I'm nhs so have to wait 6 months before next treatment unless its frozen in which case its only 3. So know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. It seems like an eternity that 6 months but I'm nearly 1/2 way now and its not been too bad. I've let the diet and alcohol slip a bit but will be straight back on the right path by Oct. If i didn't do that I would go mad as its been a long 3 years already without some enjoyment.

*Becky81* Welcome. Couldn't agree more with pushing the healthy eating to one side. If we didn't do that could you imagine it after 3 years (its been the same length of time for me as well) I'd literally have gone mad. Its hard enough putting your life on hold without depriving yourself of everything nice. What you say about planning ahead and the what ifs plague our lives and are so typical of us ladies who are on this rollercoaster for the longhaul. I have to actually sit and think sometimes that its been 3 years that seems so long and try to remember a time we weren't ttc. I still do the what if and reflective bit. It was my sil wedding a couple of weeks ago and its been planned for over 2 years I fully expected to have a 1 yr (but mc) then to be pg (but mc and failed ivfs). I didn't even buy an outfit just in case I was pg and needed a maternity one....Still no baby and no pg. Holidays can't be planned in case 3rd IVF works. Its all consuming and starting to take its toll a bit. So we can all empathise with you.

*Incywincy* I'd try to get them to write you a letter and see if they can help. Its horrible when one word written casually on medical records could have such ramifications as to stop you in your treatment. Assuming unless its life threatening or a major issue you could still share. I really hope you can. Its horrible being surrounded by pg people. My DH ex is again due at the same time I would've been in Nov. This has happened last time and she has a 18month yr. I swear someone up there is having a laugh at my expense. Its a killer as I do sometimes see her (although I try to avoid her) and think that should be my bump. Its like anything I suppose when its something at the forefront of your life its everywhere you turn. I get really resentful and think I only want one I'm not greedy.

*Pinkpingu* Sounds like are being kept very busy  . Hope the dogs enjoyed their walks. Fingers crossed you can start very soon and be back on the rollercoaster.

*Louie21* That's where I go for my immunes but I'm just not sure about them anymore as they 'encouraged' me to do superovulation which is obviously not as expensive as IVF but it hasn't worked despite 3 goes 2 with immunes. I did full immunes with them alongside my last ivf and it was a bfn, despite blasts. As well as immunes as soon as I found out I was pg (ntrl) in Feb but had a mc. So i'm starting to doubt the whole thing and wonder if the nhs might look at something different rather than just spending money at newlife with nothing to show. None of my levels have been rechecked by them despite my first tests being a year ago now. Its almost a try anything and see approach with the downside being a mc.

*AFM* Managed to get dr appt for this afternoon. I'm going to ask if I can be referred to the recurrent mc clinic. With my age and having had 3 mc and 2 failed ivf its worth a go - don't ask don't get - if they say no at least I've tried. I learnt long ago to keep all my treatment separate so the GP does not actually know that I've had private immunes treatment as I think that technically with nhs IVF I'm not supposed to but no-one has ever offically told me that. I just want to persue another avenue and at least hope if I do get pg again I might get better treatment from the NHS EPU early on given my history.

Hope everyone's week goes okay.

xx


----------



## Pinkpingu

I had the most unexpected pregnancy announcement today from my best friend. She has had 3 babies, the first one died 2 days old from an unknown condition, the second is now a healthy 8 yr old, the third was born with the same condition as the first but thankfully survived although she's significantly disabled and had a life threatening condition which was a 1 in 4 chance of having due to patents genes. My friend is having the amniotic tests in a weeks time to see if this baby has the same condition and she will terminate if it does. All this is why I was not expecting this announcement in a million years as my friend said she'd never risk another pregnancy again. She knows what I'm going through and apologised for confiding in me because of it but said she felt it best to tell me. Is it bad that I wished she hadn't told me until she knew she was going through with the pregnancy or not? I thought today was going to be a nice lunch out with her and it turned into another awful I'm pregnant conversation. Arghh. Now I feel bad for putting my own feelings before hers.


----------



## Pinkpingu

* parents genes! Stupid iPhone!!!


----------



## becky81

Hi Pinkpingu,

What a difficult day for you. In my opinion you shouldn't feel bad at all about how you feel - If anything I love this forum for being the one place we can all actually admit how we feel and not worry about being judged for it! Knowing that other people understand our emotional responses and unexpected mood swings seems to help so much.
Situations such as your friend's is bound to bring about mixed emotions for you as you are so hopeful to get pregnant - which she is. It must have been hard for her to tell you, I'm sure you want to support her but it must be hard. Sending you lots of positive karma, don't beat yourself up about the way you feel.

I am due to get my meds delivered on Saturday. I'm quite keen to get started on them but have to wait till day 18 of my next cycle. Boo! Best get to the gym in the meantime. Ha ha!

xx


----------



## Tilnutt

Afternoon Ladies, almost the weekend. Anyone got anything nice planned?

AF is due today and hasn't arrived yet, I hope it isn't too late! This will be my second AF since BFN last month, are most people late after a BFN? Isnt it bizarre, it doesn't even enter my head that AF being late could be a good sign - completely given up hope of it happening naturally. DH's sperm count varies from 1 to 3 million, the average man has 50 million! Think that says it all really.

We're off to Paris on Monday, can't wait 

Hope everyone has a fab weekend.

Tilnutt xx


----------



## Jodes17

Pinkpingu I totally sympathise with you.  I had the same experience recently, one good friend announced she's 14 weeks, fell pregnant as soon as started trying and another has just had successful FET after telling herself it wouldn't work and going back to work straight after ET. I took time off after ET did everything by the book etc, like I'm sure most of us do. Now my sisters also pregnant. Which means if my icsi had worked we'd have been the same week!! It makes me feel so sad, feels like I'm being really tested at the mo and having my nose rubbed in it. Happy for everyone of course but it seems so unfair


----------



## wombat13

Hi ladies, can I join you please? I'm so miserable and don't know where I "belong" on here any more.  
Potted history: been ttc for almost 4 years wih DH. Told we had unexplained IF in 2010. Seven rounds of Clomid - all BFN. Started first IVF at the start of this year, with EC in April. On day of EC, told I had a polyp in womb and would need it removed before we could go on to ET. We had 10 beautiful snowbabies, all frozen immediately. Had op in May, polyp totally removed and confirmed benign in June. Straight onto next meds but at every scan since they have said either my lining was too thick or they thought there might still be a polyp there! After 5 weeks (!) of DR, told to stop all meds and wait for AF before another scan. Horrific AF finally arrived start of this month, but at scan on Monday they are still saying the same things - lining too thick, might be a polyp.
Now been told that I have to wait for yet another AF, take the pill for a month and then we'll "see where we are", which will take us to at least the end of October. If it IS another polyp (how?!) then will have to wait for another op.
Finding it really hard to cope at the moment. All the plans/dates etc I keep foolishly speculating on and dreaming about keep coming to nothing - every single time it seems that we are getting close to being able to get back to our frozen little ones, a new obstacle is put in our way. I am so heartbroken that I've never even had the chance to be pupo. Never mind the 2ww, I feel as though I have been on a two-year wait with IF.
Wow, sorry, that all just poured out.  just don't know what to do any more. I've even been avoiding FF, which used to be such a comfort, because I just have nothing to say except a constant squeal of pain! I just want the chance to try.
anyway, much  , love, and wombat hugs to you all
love wombat x


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## Chloe l

Dearest Wombat, 

Firstly        you have come to
The right place we will all help you and before too long you will be having your FET. I'm so sorry you have been through so much all the waiting drives us mad doesn't it. For some it seems we have a long cruel journey but don't lose hope we will all get there . 

I can totally sympathise with the waiting my last cycle was a disaster (see my signature ) & I'm now waiting for a private operation to get my polyp removed as nhs was over 7 months . 

Just wanted to say you're not alone and it's ok to express how you feel on here I feel the same 
Lots of hugs 
Chloe x


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## wombat13

Hi Chloe
Thank you so much for your reply, I am so sorry that you are in a similar situation but I am glad I am not alone! It is funny how I feel better just writing it all down - thanks for your kind words & hopeful message. This site can be such a support but sometimes it is also a reminder of all the stages you're NOT at!
I do need to stop feeling sorry for myself - just at the moment I don't seem able to believe that we will ever get there!
Loads of   for us both
Love & wombat hugs  
love wombat x


----------



## Chloe l

Hi wombat, 
Love your name by the way what made you chose this? 

It's OK you know to not feel positive try to be easier on yourself sometimes by just letting yourself be and feel can help rather than forcing yourself to be positive all the time. It's a tough journey and you've had a knock . I know myself when they told me I had a Polyp I was really upset about the delay it would cause so I do understand . 
I think it can feel hard when other peoples cycles all go to plan but in a way it's a good thing because it shows us it can work and it will work for us too may just take a but longer but what's the saying "all good things come to those who wait " 

In the meantime we shall have to
Keep each other company 
Take care 
Chloe x


----------



## annie.moon

Does anyone have any advice on coping with this awful waiting time? I'm currently between cycles and have to wait until November to go for my first FET. I'm glad to have a hectic job to keep my days busy, but colleagues don't know what I'm going through, so I'm just pretending everything is fine. I really want to get on with life... Angry with myself for wishing the days away... But it is just so hard to be stuck like this.

Annie


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## becky81

Hi Wombat,

So sorry to hear you are going through such a waiting game. Not having control of our own lives and destiny is such a hard thing to swallow and when we are told we have to postpone treatment a month can feel like a year. It's so confusing also when you go from wishing your AF won't come - to desperately wanting it to arrive! 
Sounds like your Docs just need to get your body ready for the important job it's got to do and they want to give you your best chance. At times like this it's easy to start disliking your body for not doing it's job... but remember your poor body goes through so much when we have these procedures and it can take time for things to heal and settle so be kind to yourself   you are doing everything in your power and you will get there! I had a cyst removed in 2009 and it seemed like an eternity before we could start ttc again.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and 'non polyp' karma!! 
xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Wombat13 it's v hard at times and I understand about ff as well. I'm even to the point of getting bitter about the people who ave had IVF and its worked why them and not me they've got years I have only a few. Awful thoughts but natural given our pain and desire. I technically had a perfect cycle but got a bfn so it doesn't mean a lot it can still fail..stay strong and believe one day you'll become a mum somehow.

Annie.moon - no magic wand or tricks except keep busy. I've had to wait 6 months and it's been tough as im half way through. Really wanted to be pg or have a baby this Xmas but unlikely yet again. I try to have a plan in place for future treatments or decisions that helps the time pass. We are going to adoption evenings as we will pursue that if this cycle fails so I'm busy looking into that. It's hard not to wish your life away then one day you realise 3 years have gone past and you are not further forward. 

Lots of   ladies
Xx


----------



## becky81

Hi Annie,

I'm probably not the best person to comment for tips on passing the time... I foolishly signed up to do my Masters degree part time after I had my chemical pregnancy - I think I wanted to completely change my focus for a while and I had been putting it off in case I was pregnant. I must say though it's been a great distraction and I'm enjoying it, so maybe something to focus on at work could be good? Decorating has also been cathartic for me but I think that's just me! 
Hang on in there the time will pass - Christmas always creeps up on us way sooner than we think!
Chatting on here also helps! Keep in touch  
xxx


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## Chloe l

Hi ladies , 
I have the date now for my polyp operation it's on the 11th October so I'm counting down the days to that but feeling very anxious anyone had this done before ? 
X


----------



## Chloe l

*Becky* hi I'm also at care Nottingham and will be having my 3rd Icsi cycle too hope it's 3rd time lucky for us both x


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## wombat13

Hello everyone, thank you so much all for your kind comments and support, it really does help. Feeling so much more positive now, just having got it all out of my system and not feeling so alone!

*Chloe * - congrats on getting the date through for your polyp removal, that is only a couple of weeks! Is the polyp in your womb? If so, I had my hysteroscopy at the end of May but, unfortunately, because I have a retroverted uterus I had to have it under general anaesthetic, so I was knocked out for the whole thing!!  HOWEVER, before they knew that would be the case, my lovely gynae talked me through it all - he said it is very quick and no more uncomfortable than a normal smear test. They basically put a thin catheter-like tube in and "snip" the polyp off by the stalk. I wasn't in any pain afterwards, although there was a bit of bleeding and messy dye-stuff straight afterwards - so don't wear any good knickers!  It was MUCH less uncomfortable to recover from than EC (for me) and I flew on holiday just three days after the op, feeling almost 100% back to normal, even after GA. Hope that helps, and I'll be keeping everything crossed for you x 
*Becky* - thanks for your kind, sensible words and "non-polyp" karma!  I need that! You are right, I do know in my "sane" moments that my poor little body has been through such a lot these last two years, but it is so frustrating to be constantly made to wait when all I want to do is get back to our embies! I do know they are just trying to do what is best for us, but it is sometimes enough to drive us all !
I see from your signature that you have been through the mill a bit yourself - sending you lots of  and  for your third go xx
*Vickytick * - thanks for your kind words also! I'm trying so hard not to feel bitter, especially towards people who I know have also struggled - but, like you say, it is about 95% of me that's delighted for them and the other few % going "what about meeee?!"  Still, at least everyone here understands! So sorry to see all the tough times you have been through, and thanks again, I am trying to stay strong and hold on to the belief that we WILL get there one day!
*Annie.moon * - hello, I'm also (extended!) waiting for my first FET (see my rambling post from before!). I also have a busy job and haven't told any colleagues, and it can be gutting at times because they just all assume I don't want kids and nothing could be further from the truth! I heartily sympathise, I've had a fair few "dashes to the loo to compose myself!".  Things I have found useful for taking the mind off the w-a-a-a-a-a-i-t are: starting a new hobby; booking tickets for a show/event/trip that you and your partner have always meant to do; finally getting round to those odd jobs around the house - guaranteed satisfaction finally ticking them off!  - volunteering (really puts it in perspective); walking and playing with a dog (borrow one if you have to!); getting lost in a good book; going to the cinema; running. Also, although it doesn't take your mind off it, having a really good, supportive friend who is encouraging and lets you talk about it is a real help, so I wish you one of those! Hope some of that is useful and helps with the dark days xx 
AFM - waiting for the  AF to show her ugly face yet again. It IS weird, going from hoping it doesn't appear to wanting it to hurry up and show! sigh... and, despite the rubbish weather, feeling quite good today cos I have lost 4lb over the past two weeks (trying to lose the 7lb I put on during treatment!). 
much love and wombat hugs to you all 
love wombat x
PS - Chloe, I picked wombat cos I'm half-Aussie and they are so cute! (like me... ahem!)


----------



## Chloe l

*Wombat * love all your suggestions on how to take your mind of things I think they do help , my best friend just moved to Aussie i shall have to get her to send mr a picture of a wombat I've never seen one they sound cute, lovely to hear you more positive thanks for the info on the polyp operation, I too have a retroverted womb so I'm having a general anesthestic never had one before how does it compare to the sedation they use at EC ? Good to hear it's a quick recovery I'm still sore & swollen from OHSS from egg collection 3 weeks ago

Hi to everyone else 
X


----------



## wombat13

Hi Chloe, it does feel a bit weird having GA - when it starts going in through the cannula in your hand it feels cold & a bit tingly & then you start to feel woozy - a bit like being tipsy! (my anaesthetist even called it "gin & tonic"!)  but then you drift off to sleep & the next thing I knew I was waking up with DH stroking my hair & telling me it had all gone well! Had to stay in a couple of hours to recover & you can't drive for 24hrs afterwards so get someone to take you home, but they should give you tea & sandwiches after!  sorry for short reply, on my phone now but hope that helps a bit!
Love wombat x
Ps - I love wombats but not everyone in Oz does cos they tend to demolish everything in their path!! Google "baby wombat" tho & I guarantee you will go "awwww"!  xx


----------



## Shell15

Hi Ladies, 

Sorry i've not posted in a long time just been trying to keep off ff as the thread I was previously on for the Liverpool Women's most of the ladies who cycled around the same time got a BFP  I am happy for them but sad it's not me.  Its been over 4 weeks since my BFN and am still upset   this second BFN definitely hit me twice as hard as the first.  Everybody in work has avoided me like the plague but one girl started asking questions and then said well you are not going to try again are you! Well I just starting to cry and said cannot you not ask anymore questions so she went on to he talk about the fact that she is in the process of knitting baby clothes for her two daughters who are pregnant   and I am dreading it as they are both due within the next few weeks and I know she will bring them into work so I think I will need a stiff upper lip that day.  Also one of the GP's in work has just announced his wife is 15 weeks pregnant! Everybodies reaction is you are not going to try again are you   i still don't know what to do I keep thinking am I really emotionally strong enough to do this again but then keep thinking but it may work and I could have another baby and sibling for my ds.  I have had one AF since BFN and should have had another last week but nothing (and its a BFN again).  I haven't even ovulated this month which is worrying me a little as last time I was back to normal straight away.  I don't even know where the money is coming from if we were to do it again as we have already paid over £12,000.  I did write a letter to head of finance and asked if they could offer any discount (how cheeky) but if you don't ask you don't get anyway she said that they have never had anybody ask for this before and that it was going to a meeting today with the Clinical Director for a decision but as yet I have heard nothing. 

Sorry for the me post and rant!

Michelle x


----------



## Vickytick

Feeling rubbish today ladies. Chased Barts about my treatment yesterday which should be dec (6mth wait) to be told my case has been referred to the head of east England contract at my pct and if it was okay the earliest they can start is mar possibly April which would be a 9 month wait which with my age and levels I don't want to do. It's a nightmare cos if it fails it puts back our adoption plans and our life is on hold even longer over 3 years is enough. I'm still waiting to hear from my mc clinic referral should be 7 days but its over that and heard nothing..

*michelle* don't apologise for the me rant this is what thi thread is for. People are so insensitive sometimes. I get it the other way 'don't give up until someone tells you it not work' etc. Hold tight and you'll remain strong Hun. Xxx

Love to everyone else lots of  and


----------



## mrsknight

Hi ladies, this is my first cycle and m test day is Thursday but period came full force today Absolutly devastated it was a really good 8 cell expanded blastocyst and still didn't work. I started spotting just 5 days after transfer , everything else was perfect had 3 blasts to freeze, I have lost all hope really for next cycle, I chose to freeze but don't feel I was givin the time to think about it, at transfer I was told there was nine to freeze then the next morning told I had 3 and I needed to make a decision now, I only get 3 cycles in total so regretting so much the decision to freeze. 

I don't know what's should be doing, it's obviously an implantation problem and I don't know how to check that out, I feel like I should be doing something and not just listening to doctors who no doubt will say, it was just one of those things. I have been pregnant before years ago and I fell very easily because of that and because I had such good blast I had convinced myself it would work, and was not prepared to feel what I felt today. 

I have to test Thursday as a matter of corse and tell them and then get my date for next cycle, anyone at Barts who have there bfn recently? What is your date for next cycle?


----------



## Jillian34

Hi mrsknight, 

My OTD is Thursday too but my period came on Sunday. Devastated. It is my first time and I had a 5 day blastocyst which was as good a quality as it could be. We had nothing to freeze as they left two for one more day and they didn't develop. 

I am currently searching for answers, if I find any I will let you know.

I think I have to wait 3 months for next cycle, I am self funded. 

Good luck


----------



## mrsknight

Hello  jillian ,

So sorry to hear that, it's awlful isn't it! I thnk having such good blasts make it worse because we have no answers! I have been searching everywhere, someone said if you start your period while still taking progesterone it could low progesterone absorption, I am hearing things about really expensive immune testing, I honestly have no idea what to think or believe, the nurses havnt said much because I still have to test they said to email them and then they would organise next cycle yes which is three months but will be January now as they have a cut off for Xmas, but until I know why it didn't implant I am not at all hopeful for the next cycle.  I really wish I didn't have any to freeze as you always have a better chance with a fresh cycle. 

I am 33 so really similar story to yours. It's just horrible isn't it. 

I will let you know if I hear anything, what hospital are you at? I am at Barts x


----------



## jblox78

Hi MrsKnight,

I found Agate's threads really interesting and useful - they are in the Immunes section and the Greece section - also perhaps look into the test for Hidden Chlamydia - Agate talks about that in her posts - as this can be a reason for low progesterone - I had the same thing where AF came before OTD despite taking progesterone and have now tested positive for Hidden C - hoping that once DH and I have taken our antibiotics that this will help our next cycle to be successful...

I've also booked in for a hysteroscopy through Serum in Athens as I have blocked tubes and have been advised that due to my history of Chlamydia / PID that I will most probably have scar tissue in my uterus that will need removed before going ahead with the next cycle...

Hope this helps!

Jen xxx


----------



## mrsknight

hey jen,  so sorry for you result. thanks for the post thats really interesting! didnt the hospital in uk do these tests? and wouldnt they do the hysteroscopy? both of my tubes are blocked, there was never any talk about unblocking them, wasnt even suggested to me, i was told that they were both so undamaged that unblocking such a damaged tube would only increase my chances of optopic, however i am wondering if i should get a second opinion regardign that, although i dont think that mattered in this case as we obviously by pass the tubes, the problem was implantation. 

Could i ask how much the hidden test and hysteroscopy cost you in Greece?  

I have had several laporoscopys would any scar tissue in my uterus show up in them? 
xx


----------



## jblox78

Hi Mrsknight,

I had an HSG test which showed the tubes were blocked so we were referred straight to IVF on the NHS - I wasn't offered any further tests and they said the same about unblocking my tubes - apparently they are likely to get blocked again and they are worried about the chance of ectopic...

With the hysteroscopy I have read through the threads on this site that they will remove the scar tissue etc. in Greece whereas some of the girls on the Greek thread had been for hystos in the UK and had either been told they were clear / it was just a diagnostic procedure and then went to Greece where they had various issues resolved.  Not sure why that is the case...  

We asked our consultant about immunes / hidden C / hysto and they said they wouldn't do further investigations until we'd had 3/ 4 failed cycles!!!!!?!!!

There are two tests you can do, one which checks for hidden C and the other which also checks for other issues like ureaplasma etc. - the cost for both tests is €270.  Our hysto is costing €1,550.

Not sure about the laparoscopy - I've not had that done....

Jen xxx


----------



## mrsknight

what an absolute joke that they would not look into other tests until 3 or 4 failed cycles!! i think its all about money!!

I think I am going to speak to my GP regarding this, although I dont know what good it will do. 

I am going to have them tests done, do i have to go over to greece for the tests as in the bloods not the hysteroscopy. and how long do the results take to get back? 

I had the HSG test also - hated that! but had several laporosocpys before that as they were looking for endremetious - excuse my spelling. they didnt find that but i had lost of scar tissue from previous infections. I wonder how much it actually effects implantation, i dont understand why all of these things are not raised during our nhs cycles its so unfair. 

xx


----------



## jblox78

Mrsknight - I totally agree - it's like throwing money and effort down the drain as with all that scar tissue where is an embryo supposed to implant??!!!

You can send a sample in the post - if you go onto the Greek / Serum threads there is loads of info about it (especially in Agate's posts) - you need to get in touch with either the lab direct or with Serum in Athens via email and it is all very easy...  It is a bit gross but you send a sample of menstrual blood - I sent mine by courier which took a day and then we had the results back within a few days.  If you test positive you get a prescription for the antibiotics for you and your OH to take for 25 days - we got ours from a pharmacy in Glasgow (who also do mail order) and they cost £30.  We're taking the ABs just now...

Obviously I have no proof that this works as we've not gone that far down the line with it yet but from reading all the posts on the Greek threads it all just makes perfect logical sense to me!  And sometimes you have a gut instinct that you just know is right and I have that about all this...

Jen xxx


----------



## Jillian34

Hi MrsKnight

Thank you for your reply and to others who have replied to MrsKnight as that is most helpful to me too. 
I have so many questions so thank you 

I am being treated at Liverpool Women's as I am from Cheshire and am privately funded as my husband has a child of ten years and my pct don't fund.

If I find anything I will be sure to let you know. 

How are you coping MrsKnight? I have had a few bad days.

Take care 
Xx


----------



## mrsknight

aww hey jillian , I am ok today as in not crying my eyes out, now i am just frustrated and trying to get to see a consultant asap to discuss all my concerns, i really dont want to waste another cycle if i am going to get same result, it is very confusing though the more i read the more i self diagnose which isnt always the best thing,

how are you coping? is your partner being supportive? mine was up until yesterday when he said, you need to stop being upset now!! i think he was trying to get me out of the mood i was in, but didnt take that very well. i know its not good for me or anyone to be so upset for a long period and we do need to except its not worked this time, i have accepted that i just need to understand why otherwise i dont have much hope for the next.

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Ladies sorry to hear your bfn news.

*Mrsknight* technically I'm with Barts but yet to have a cycle. I'm nhs and was with Herts but they are no longer allowed to take nhs so had to move. I chose Barts as it was t nearest with best results for my age group but v disappointed as they've told me earliest march and I'm having a nightmare getting anyone to tell me why the delay when this is my last cycle esp given my age. With the 6mth rule of fresh cycles I should be starting in dec. as my bfn was in July. It's worth getting the immunes done as they've worked of a lot o people and not all places are expensive I did min for about £500 or less than that. Personally I don't buy into the hidden c thing as everyone who tests appears to b positive and I know of a lady who spent a lot of money with the Greek clinic and still of a bfn. *but* it's all personal choice an if you would be forever wondering then best bet is to go ahead and do it. Word of warning though be reticent with what you tell your nhs clinic they don't like you 'paying' for other treatment.

Hope you all feel more positive soon lots of pma


----------



## jblox78

Hi Ladies,

Vickytick - Hope you have some more positive news with your cycle dates soon...

Just to note - there are plenty of girls over on the Greek threads who have tested negative for Hidden C - but as you say it is personal choice and with my history think I would have always been wondering...

Jen xx


----------



## mrsknight

Hiya, vickytick that's so bad that you still don't have a date! Have u complained to pals? That's terrible 

I really don't know what to think or believe or do? We are really in the position to be spending lots of money out but I don't want to waste my cycles if it's never going to happen due to an issue that could be treated. I am thinking about the hypersroscopy excuse my spelling, I know. Have scar tissue that showed up in my laporoscopy s I would say there is a good chance that I may have scar tissue in the uterus?  Don't know how much that effects implantation if at all, there are positive stories and negative so just don't know what to do. 

I am going to see a consultant at Barts to talk about my cycle , but as they don't offer them services I can imagine that they will say there not useful , but again I don't know what angle they would be coming from. X


----------



## wombat13

Hey jblox, weren't we on the April/May cycle buddies thread together? (seems aeons ago...)
So sorry to see you on here, hope things are moving forwards for you now xxx
love wombat   x


----------



## jblox78

Hi Wombat!

Sorry to see you are still waiting :-(  Hopefully you won;t have to wait much longer...

Yes - is kind of rubbish to be here but hopefully we'll all get our BFP sometime soon...

Jen xxxx


----------



## Jillian34

Hi MrsKnight, (and everyone else)

I was bad yesterday and today crying non stop but feeling bit better today and like you very frustrated!  My other half has been great but think I drove him mad yesterday as I was on positive vibe minus 1000 and nothing was talking me round! He is trying but I think my moping wasn't doing us any good. 

But I like you want answers as I can't go through this again and have the same result. Too heartbreaking. 

I am now self diagnosing as well, reading everything ...... I now have a list for when I see the consultant....he is going to love me. 

Keep strong and i'm here when you want to chat/rant put the IVF world to rights! 

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi its very quiet on here I hope everyone is okay  and coping at the moment. I know with Christmas looming, shops already have the displays up, its going to be a tough time for us ladies with the whole 'what couldve been' thoughts and dreams. I daydream constantly about having a child and sharing Christmas with them.

I've finally heard from Barts but now some of my tests are out of date so I need them to be redone but have to be done at the start of cycle so its going to be late Oct for them. They then told me that the people ready now are having to wait until Feb/Mar for their cycle so I'm looking at dates after that. That'll mean at least a 9 mth wait between cycles which I'm not happy about especially as I'll be over 39 at that point and know the success rate drops as you get older. I had low ovarian reserve back when it was last tested in 2010 early 2011 so 2 years on I expect it'll be even lower. My endocrinologist appt was cancelled today. I turned up for the appt only to be told they sent me a letter on the 19th Sept cancelling it which I never got, with no FU, so I've got to chase for my prolactin drugs now which the GP won't prescribe without a letter from the endo. Its all such a nightmare and it always 2 steps forward and 10 back I swear somone 'up there' is having a laugh at my expense.  

Its hard to remain positive when you feel like you are constantly treading water and getting nowhere. I've seen lots of the ladies that I joined this thread with move onto their next cycle and I'm still here waiting. 

Anyway enough of me ranting lots of   to everyone.

xx


----------



## everydayisagift

Hi Ladies 

Hope i am in the right place 

I have just had my first BFN from my first egg share cycle at the lister 

I have had my follow up appointment and i have been told if a match can be found i could start on my next AF 

I would like to get going ASAP and i do wish to start on my next AF so keeping my fingers crossed it happens


----------



## Pinkpingu

Welcome everydayisagift. I hope you get matched very soon. I found out on wednesday that I have been matched again so will be starting cycle number 2 mid Nov. I hope you get a date soon


----------



## mrsknight

Hi ladies, 

Had a consultation with doctor yesterday who said he saw little point in starting next cycle before we did further investigations he said the embreyo was such a high grade blast that I should have got pregnant, he is going to perform a laporoscopy, hysteroscopy and a clean up before my next cycle, which I am really pleased about,I know I have lots of scar tissue and that can be a cause of embreyo not implanting I hope there sent anything too serious when he looks but have had laporoscopys before and they didn't find anything other than scar tissue so not too worried, just really happy he didn't fob me off with "well it's only your first cycle" 

So just waiting for an appointment date he said it will be before Xmas which is amazing considering it is nhs, so left there feeling more confident and hopeful for next cycle. 

How is everyone? Any news? Xx


----------



## sugarsweet

mrsknight said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> Had a consultation with doctor yesterday who said he saw little point in starting next cycle before we did further investigations he said the embreyo was such a high grade blast that I should have got pregnant, he is going to perform a laporoscopy, hysteroscopy and a clean up before my next cycle, which I am really pleased about,I know I have lots of scar tissue and that can be a cause of embreyo not implanting I hope there sent anything too serious when he looks but have had laporoscopys before and they didn't find anything other than scar tissue so not too worried, just really happy he didn't fob me off with "well it's only your first cycle"
> 
> So just waiting for an appointment date he said it will be before Xmas which is amazing considering it is nhs, so left there feeling more confident and hopeful for next cycle.
> 
> How is everyone? Any news? Xx


 hi hun just reading about your scar tissue could be the cause just asking as i had a failed ivf cycle last month but i had 3 c-sectionsand wouder if it was the scar tissue that caused mine two fail as well as when they did my et they said my scar was deep  x


----------



## mrsknight

Sugasweet.... Hiya,  so sorry to hear of your failed cycles its awlful isnt it. 

I am not sure about that one, I have scar tissue in the lining of my womb from various infections and pelvic inflammatory disease, if I was you I would ask to see your doctor and ask them, I didn't want to waste another cycle and so pleased the doctor agreed its obvious that there are things that make your womb lining not hospitable whic makes implantation difficult or impossible but not sure what they all are and hiw much if of effect it has, my doctor thinks that's the only reason he was pretty sure that as everything with the treatment had gone better than normal the problem has to lie within my womb. 

I would explore every option Hun, I know doctors are experienced but had my doctor not suggested that I would have paid private to had the procedures done,  xx


----------



## sugarsweet

thanks hun i have one snow baby left but me and my other half split up 2 weeks ago i was due to have fet this week, but we have decided to take it slow and see were we are next year about the snow baby good luck with you hun xx


----------



## Vickytick

*sugarsweet* sorry to hear about you and your oh splitting up Hun . Hope you can sort it out.

*mrsknight* very good care you are getting for nhs. Is your IVF nhs as well? I'm nhs but even after an exceptional cycle and a bfn they just say its bad luck and try again.  I'm due to start my 3rd and final cycle in dec ( 6mth wait I don't get enough a eggs to freeze) but I've had to change clinics - not my choice- the earliest they can do it is April!  so a 9 mth wait between cycles.

Xx


----------



## jblox78

Mrsknight - great news your consultant is offering all the tests - good luck with it all!!  Wouldn't it be lovely if the NHS service offered was the same across the country!

Hugs to all,

Jen xx


----------



## mrsknight

Hey ladies ....

I will be honest I didn't expect the doctor to offer me that at all,i did write a complaint to the head clinician there with regards to not having a full consultation prior to my first cycle, I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but when I brought that up he hadn't received it but said he was happy to hear it there and then,  it wasn't a major thing really so don't know if that had an effect,

Vicky tick yeah my cycles are all nhs.  I also sorry you have to wait so long it's really not fair, 9months to people like us is like 9 years it's really awlful and I feel you for I really do. 

Jblox ..... It was funny cos I actually went into the consultation with the info from serum clinic regarding hysteroscopy I had been planning on  paying for it and was just going to ask his opinion on it.  It's Absolutly correct that anyone in my situation having a failed cycle should have further investigations and it should be standard across the board!! 



I went there full prepared for him to say well it's just your first cycle etc so was shocked to say the least. He did say he wouldn't normally suggest the procedures at this stage but I have history of PID and they have details of my laporoscopy from years ago which showed a lot of scar tissue, he thought it was necessary. 

The only thing I will say is, I made a complete nuisance of my myself I hounded the nurses by email and phone everyday they originally said I would have to wait till December to see the doctor and I kicked up a fuss and they got me in last week 6 days after my failed test date, I know this isn't the norm from what others have said on here, I know I got on all their nerves but with regards to the nhs it's the only way I have got anywhere but being a nuisance and being forceful. 

Xxx


----------



## LadyHarrop

Vickytick said:


> Hi its very quiet on here I hope everyone is okay  and coping at the moment. I know with Christmas looming, shops already have the displays up, its going to be a tough time for us ladies with the whole 'what couldve been' thoughts and dreams. I daydream constantly about having a child and sharing Christmas with them.


Hi Vicky, I've been lurking for a while but your post struck a chord with how I'm feeling today, and felt like ranting/sharing...

Yes, xmas is looming like a huge storm cloud on the horizon. Last xmas I remember thinking I'd be pregnant with twins (greedy I know!) by this xmas. I was filled with naive hope that it was going to be our turn shortly. It upsets me so much that another year has gone by without any hint of a little chubby baby of my own. My two best friend are both due next month, I can only imagine what a fabulous xmas they're going have. And every xmas from now on is going to get better and better for them as their babies grow

Whilst I already don't feel like celebrating this year. We normally host hubbies large family for xmas itself. He's told them at my request that it can't be at ours this year. I resent the fact he explained it as "she's had a bad year", hasn't he had a bad year too? Why does it fall on my shoulders But it was me who would have done all the work! But its not just that - I might manage to squeeze in a FET before xmas as long as AF behaves herself. So I think I'll be on the 2ww over xmas and new year, so I really need to be resting, and not getting stressed. But then again, I won't be enjoying holidays either! Ultimately, FET or not, I'm just not going to be able to celebrate or enjoy myself this year, so whats the point

Are you ladies feeling the same at all, or managing to seperate two issues?

x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies,

I haven't been on here in a while now, but still recognise some of the names from before - I'm so sorry to see you're still here and awaiting the next step, but from a selfish point of view I'm happy to see some familiar 'faces' (so to speak!). Well, here I am, back to stalk this thread after my BFN last week 

I was just reading your post *LadyHarrop*, and I can tell you I feel exactly the same! I got my second BFN last Wednesday (confirmed by my OTD on Saturday) and was only having the 'Christmas' conversation with DH yesterday. I already feel miserable about Christmas (it deffo does feel like a dark storm cloud on the horizon), and I certainly don't feel like celebrating. Last Christmas I was full of excitement and hope as I'd just had ET a week before, but this year I was hoping to be 3 months pregnant by Christmas and feeling mega excited about the future.....but no, it's not to be again. To make it worse my bf is pregnant and her due date is the 24th December, so like you I keep thinking "they are going to have a fantastic Christmas, what an _amazing _ Christmas present!". And of course for the whole of December I'll be awaiting the dreaded text/phone call to say that baby has arrived with such 'n' such a name at blah blah weight etc etc, there'll then be an expectation for me to be happy and excited and to go and visit new mum and baby - how will I cope?!?! I'm not sure I will tbh! I would really like to go away for Christmas but know we can't as we just can't afford it (having just paid out for tx!). But think I might have talked DH in to at least going out for Christmas dinner (although that alone is expensive!), so at least that way we won't just be moping around an empty quiet house on Christmas day. If I thought it was feasible to run away and hide I certainly would! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone in thinking that way, I'm definitely dreading Christmas this year 

Lots and lots of luck with your FET! Really hope you manage to squeeze in your next tx before Christmas  xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Nosilab - remember me!  

Just wanted to pop on and say how sorry i am for your bfn      I've been thinking of you and how you're getting on.

We're due to start again in November and I too have just been told by my bf (Friday gone) that she is pregnant again.  I wouldnt mind so much but its only 12 months since her last and we work across from each other and car share to work/home.  Feeling really despondent even though we're starting in November and i'm of course happy for her, i don't know how i will get through sitting through another pregnancy day in day out. I don't feel half as excited as our first round but may be that's because i'm aware that it can fail now.

Anyway, i'm thinking of you and hope Christmas goes as quickly for you as it seems to arrive  

Take care
Essie x


----------



## jennyes2011

Hi everyone,
Just had our Fourth transfer (third fresh cycle) and its looking very much like a chemical pregnancy. 
Feeling terrible at the moment, gone from extremely high to extremely low in the space of 3 days  Been spotting since the day after our first BFP and have lines getting gradually fainter. This was our first ever BFP. The clinic say never say never, going for official test on Wednesday morning, to check levels and to confirm what we are expecting.
Jenny xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Jennyes2011- big hugs hun   so unafir this whole game but   you ahve a little fighter or two on board xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## everydayisagift

Had anyone treatment be egg sharing ??

if so how look did it take you to be matched 2nd time round ? after your BFN


----------



## EssieJean

Hi everyday - i had my first bfn on 31st May on a D/E eggshare and got another match in September. I'm due to start next cycle in November.

Good luck with your journey

Essie
x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Essie*!

Of course I remember you  so lovely to get your message, and thank you for the hugs. I really really thought (and obviously) hoped it would work this time. The whole 'pregnant best friend' thing is sooo difficult isn't it, such a horrible time  I really feel for you having to be in such close contact (again!), you're a strong lady, I admire you. I was exactly like you, and nowhere near as much excitement this time around, but then last time I was very naive to it all, this time I was much more cautious! Wishing you heaps and heaps of luck for your cycle in November, I'm sure without a doubt as the time gets nearer you'll feel more excited about your tx, and less despondent  xx

*Jenny*, I remember you from the October 2ww thread. I'm so so sorry to see your sad news, you must be devastated. Really hope that Wednesday brings you the little miracle that you wish for 

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello Nosilab and Essie yes I'm still here and waiting for my next cycle. As said it will be a 9 month wait by the time I cycle again. Not sure what to do at the moment I can't face waiting another 6 months and my age is against me I just want a family one way or another so we are thinking of starting adoption in January.

*Ladyharrop* you are not alone in thinking that. For the last 4 xmases I've expected to be pg or in the case of this year have a 6 week yr old baby. What makes it worse is I loved Xmas until I had a mc on Xmas eve in 2010 which destroyed me as it was at 12 weeks. I just w ant to hide but I've got my 7yr ss on Xmas inc Xmas eve so it's the whole has he been etc. Personaly I want to go away me, dh and my puppy to a remote cottage. It's a hard time of year and emphasises what we don't have tht others can do so easily. All that build up for one day.

Good luck to anyone starting treatment 

Xx


----------



## EssieJean

Thanks for your kind words *Nosilab * - not sure about the 'strong lady' bit though  Then again, we're all strong just by the fact of having to go through this horrendous journey.

Good luck to you and *Vickytick * in whatever road you choose to go down.

I'm still optimistic that somehow we will all eventually get our dream that we so much deserve  That goes for everyone whose found themselves on this sad but supportive thread 

Take care
Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Vickytick*, I'm so sorry to hear you're still waiting, and that your clinic are dragging their heals (to say the least!). Would you be able to consider changing clinics again, to one with a shorter waiting list? Or going private? I know the private option isn't always really practical though. We only had one NHS cycle allocated to us so we've just had to pay for our second try, but that's it now, we can't afford another fresh cycle, I'll be lucky to get DH to agree to a FET! I still have that 'exciting' conversation to look forward to!  I feel so sad and frustrated for you. Really hope you get some good news soon 

*Essie*, well I think you're a strong lady  but yes, you're right, we all are in our own way 

Hi to everyone xxx


----------



## set55

morning

this is the second time i find myself on here this year.  just has third icsi and its failed i never even made it to transfer this time.  i hate my body so much for letting me down time and time again and don't know where to go from here. clinic said i could still go in today for a chat but its a three hr round trip and at the moment i just think whats the point.


----------



## Chloe l

Dear set, 
I'm so terribly sorry it's such a cruel journey , I didn't make it to transfer on my last cycle either lots of issues meant it all went wrong I'm waiting to have polyp removed then doing a fresh cycle. I found after ec I was devastated not to get to transfer it was a shock and I felt cheated out of a chance so I'm sorry you are in this situation , from looking at your signature your last cycle before that you got to blast so it can happen have your clinic given you any explanation even on the phone I imagine you are exhausted and drained but wondered if they could talk you through it on the phone would that help? Did u get 1 egg from EC ? It seems odd that you got to blast the time before I've only done 2 cycles but they have been so varied I would just say please don't lose hope sending u a big hug x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi set55

I remember you from when I was on this thread last time, I also now find myself back here too.

I am so so sorry to read your news.  It must be absolutely devastating for you.  It's early days and you need time to recover from the emotional shock, and get your thoughts together.  Give yourself a few days/weeks and see how you feel about going back to the clinic for a chat on what next.  Whatever you decide sending you massive hugs   xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Set55 * - I also remember you and I'm so upset and sad to hear your news  I hate this so much, it just isnt fair - all these wonderful ladies going through so much heartache. I agree with Chloe that you need to speak with your clinic to get some answers. I know you don't feel up to it right now but may be in a few days or so, it will help a little in your recovery. I'm cycling in November (2nd time) and i'm so so scared, not looking forward to it at all this time.

Sending you lots of  
Take care
Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

It's such a shame to see the same names come on to this thread yet again. My heart goes out to all of you. I hate this horrid journey and find I all so unfair. I've paid my IF dues now let me be pg!! We have to remain positive that it will happen one day for us but for me personally I'm doubting to more and more everyday.

I don't have the funds to keep going. *nosilab* we've considered foregoing our nhs go and paying private as I won't do more than 3 cycles whatever so at least I could get closure sooner rather than later and we could 'move on' as it were to being childless or adoption. I'm not sure about transferring as I've never had an app with Barts yet which is just silly. Im thinking of asking the referral people if its possible to change but the success rates were better at Barts. It's so hard. I'm going to the nhs mc clinics for tests so I want to see what they show first.

Is this sad but I've been walking the dog through the park an just sitting watching the children in the play area crying (behind sunglasses) my heart out wondering when will it be me..

I'm sending all you lovely ladies huge hugs  and lots of positive thoughts 

*set55* ask the clinic,once you feel stronger, if there was a reason for the change in results this time or anything they'd do differently. Give yourself time to grieve and please don't be too hard on yourself was easier said than done I know. 

Xxx


----------



## Chloe l

Vickytic, 
You are so right it's tough I found myself in tears in the supermarket today some days it's just too much   to all c x


----------



## set55

Nosilab and essie jean - i remember your names from before.  I will talk to clinic and book a review but i just can't at the mo i feel so bitter.  I've tried to keep myself busy today and i'm back at work tomorrow unfortunately i can't drown myself in vodka as i'm on late for the next 4 nights.  I'm even sitting here still drinking my milk   and i don't even need to now  . Ladies on my cycle thread have suggested a change of clinic and tests but i feel i don't want to waste my money on unfounded tests - thats if dh agrees to do it again.

Chloe - this cycle has been similar to my first - in terms of poor egg quality.  I got 7 eggs collected this time 4 mature and only 1 fert. My acc reckons they triggered me too early but whats done is done.  After cycle 1 i started acupuncture gave up caffeine and tried to eat more protein which i thought had made a difference to my egg quality but after doing the same for my third cycle it doesn't seem to have helped at all.


----------



## Nosilab

Hiya *Vickytick*,

Yup can totally understand the financial side of things  it's _such_ a lot of money and just not fair that we either have to be beholden to the NHS waiting times and rules/regs or pay huge sums of money to try and conceive a child, it's seems so unfair doesn't it. People who are lucky enough to conceive naturally will never understand IF or the stresses and stains getting or funding tx can bring. If you do decide to chat to the referral people I hope they can help and give you some good advice, likewise with the NHS mc clinic, hope they can give you some answers. Btw, not sad in an  kind of way at all re sitting in the park crying, just very very sad in a  kind of way 

*Set55*, no need to rush with calling your clinic, they can wait! Just do it in your own time hunni. Trying to keep busy is a good thing, very difficult I know, but the more you can try and do the better - just little steps at a time. I understand what you're saying about the tests, I'm always unsure too and I just know my DH wouldn't agree to them anyway 

 to all xx


----------



## LadyHarrop

Nosilab said:


> If I thought it was feasible to run away and hide I certainly would! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone in thinking that way, I'm definitely dreading Christmas this year


Thanks for good wishes Nosilab. God, I wish I could run away too. I would if I had the money, and wasn't already thinking about next cycle. Vickytic I too would love to go to a remote place. I just want to avoid everyone, for the whole of xmas. Although, thinking about it, that sounds nice now!!! I really don't know how many of you ladies do it. I'm only one cycle in! And to quote you again nosilab, it isn't fair, no one really understands until they go through it. I really find reading these boards useful x 
 to you all


----------



## L21

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to join in, as having a bad time at the moment with the DH. We were told a few weeks ago that it was end of the road for us in terms of using my DH sperm and to consider donor. But he is totally against it and I'd like to consider it. He wont specific his reasons for saying no, but I feel that I've been through enough with 3 cycles and a miscarriage and that I'm 38 in April so feel time is ticking away. I feel like I have to chose between my marriage and having a baby. If I stay and we dont have a baby, will I be resentful forever, and what if we split up in 5 years time anyway?!
He got made redundant back in July and hasnt got a new job, though did get some redundancy pay, but he is around the house all the time which is putting a strain on us as well as I never seem to get any space.
And even when I made a counselling appt for us on Monday, he asked me to change it because he had a different hosp appt come through which he hadnt previously told me about. Throughout our whole infertility journey its always been me who has booked appointments and pushed things through, and it frustrates me that he says no to donor sperm but then doesnt read anything about it or be proactive in any way to help progress things for us. Arrghhhhhhh!

Any advice??
xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Louie21*

I'm so sorry to hear you're having a difficult time with DH at the mo  IF can throw all sorts of challenges at us and our relationships and it's never easy is it. My advice (for what it's worth!) would be to definitely persist with the counselling option, I think you need somebody 'neutral' but with knowledge on that option to discuss with your DH. Our clinic offer both joint and split sessions. So you can either have a session together, or have one session but with 30 mins each, individually. Maybe you could see if your clinic offers the same? Your DH might benefit from a session on his own with the counsellor, as he might want to say things that he thinks will upset you, but the counsellor can try and rationalise this thoughts and decision? I don't know, it's tricky but it might be worth a go. I've just had a cycle with donor eggs, and at the very beginning of our IVF journey my DH said he would _never _ even consider using donor eggs, and here we are having just done a cycle! I know donor sperm is different, and raises different issues/concerns for men, but maybe he just needs to air his thoughts and feelings to the counsellor to make him see reason? My DH is the same btw, he never makes appointments, asks about appointments, asks what happens next - it's always me who does everything. It is very frustrating and also very disappointing 

Sorry *minkey114*, not able to advise I'm afraid, but good luck 

 *LadyHarrop*

Hi to all the other lovely ladies on this thread 

xxx


----------



## jblox78

Hi Minkey,

I did use Crinone for a couple of weeks but am afraid I can't give you any advice as we weren't successful...

Might be better to check on one of the pregnancy threads as unfortunately we ladies have mostly had BFNs on this occasion...

Good luck!

Jen xx


----------



## L21

Hey Minkey,

Congratulations on your twins. Think you're on the wrong thread though. Best of luck with everything.

xx


----------



## nclarkson

Afternoon Ladies

I wonder if you would mind if I joined your thread?

I have recently been a member of the 'having treatment at Leeds thread' but am again in-between treatment after my 4th BFN     .

We have been ttc for 5 years now and right from the beginning have had to use DE due to me having no ovaries, or tubes, left because of my endo.

We have been lucky in having found a wonderful donor last year who, from a fresh cycle earlier this year, gave us the opportunity to have a fresh go with 1 blast and then 2 more frozen goes with 3 further blasts.

Unfortunately each cycle has ended in a BFN, with not even a sniff of implantation.

After our recent latest follow up and having had our immunes level 1 done, all came back clear, we had been prescribed steroids this time to use for our next cycle along with clexane and asprin so were very hopeful that this next cycle could be our lucky one.

Unfortunately due to personal circumstances we have, this week, lost our donor    We are absolutely heartbroken and think we will now have to go on the waiting list at Leeds so just not sure how long we will be on there now.

I have been reading your thread as you obviously will all be able to relate to all the BFN's that we have gotten and I now feel at rock bottom. I feel that somebody has totally taken all the wind out of me and I just don't know how or where to start again from here.

I would really like to join a community that support each other and help each other through the bad times and hope you don't mind if I join the thread?

Hope to catch up with all your stories shortly.

Love and Babydust to all 

Nicky xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Nicky and welcome to this lovely supportive thread 

I'm so sorry to hear about your BFNs, it's just hearbreaking isn't it, we can all relate to how you're feeling and can totally understand. Also really sorry to hear that you've lost your donor, that is really really sad. I hope you're able to be matched again _very _ soon.

xxx


----------



## L21

Nosilab - thanks for your post. And yeah you're right, we'll see how we get on at counselling, the 30 min each idea is a good one. I'm actually looking forward to getting it all out of my system and talking, feel weighed down but it all!
How are you? Whats your next move?
xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Louie21* I can only reiterate what Nosilab has said in her reply she really is spot on. This process is very tough on relationships and some men just back off rather than deal with it. TBH even if its an issue with the woman the man still feels like a failure. Its me who can't have children yet my DH says he feels like he's let me down as he promised me we would get our baby. I'm lucky in that he does book some of the appts for me and is very good at handling the bureaucracy that comes with this delightful process be it NHS or Private. *BUT* he still doesn't understand totally how I feel as he has a child from his first marriage and this does cause probs. We've just started joint counselling and I really think it'll help us as a couple move forward. He is so not into all that stuff but I basically said it was that or we'd end up divorcing as we shouted rather than communicated - the toll of the drugs eh. If you can get him to go then as painful as some of what is said is long term its a huge help..I'm 39 in Feb so completely empathise with the whole age thing.

*Nclarkson* Having been on this thread since July I can lay testament to its helpfulness. We've all had bad days where we ranted or literally cried through words on the screen, or aired our grievances with our DH all in a safe welcoming environment. However your feeling one of the ladies on there would've experienced it. So sorry to hear about your donor pulling out. Do you know how long the list is? I know from other ladies that sometimes they say 6 months but actually its not as long as people pull out etc. Alot of ladies have had success with the steriods and clexane so fingers crossed that helps.

Hello to all the other lovely ladies.

xx


----------



## L21

Hi Vickytick,

Glad its not just me then! I feel sometimes that he (and his family too) dont give me credit for going through what I've been through. I've been through two ICSI cycles, a missed miscarriage and ERPC, a breast cancer scare, redundancy, my mum and granny both in hospital earlier this year and my beloved pet died - all this year!!. But I kinda feel that I have to apologise for being a bit emotional or off the the rails. And he has never said, 'I'm sorry for you having to go through all of this because of me'...although he did say he was impressed how brave I was when I had the ERPC (didnt cry!) and never once complained about blood tests/injections during the three cycles.
But then he arranges for us to spend weekends with his pregnant friends and I dont feel that is very understanding of him.
Do you ever feel like you're having to squash all these bad feelings down and as fast as you do it, they're bubbling up again around the edges?? Its exhausting!

xx


----------



## suzymc

hiya ladies 
If any of you are looking for fertility friendly recipes / diet change i have recently started a ******** page where i'm sharing recipes i've found / have changed to make them full of nutrition
link is at the bottom of my signature if you're interested. I've only just started so it's still quite small but increasing each week. I'm also thinking of starting a web page where i can also include recipes for certain fertility issues such as endo/PCOS/fibroids etc.
i know all too well what the waiting between cycles is like. i have just 3 weeks left to wait now until our next cycle. it's only recently i've started to pay more attention to what i eat though!!!
anyway i wish you all lots of luck and baby dust.
May we all be blessed with our dream.
So sad to read some of your stories  It is exhausting Louie22, you are right. 
I'll check back in a couple of days incase any of you lovely ladies have any ideas on what i can add to my page information/help wise
thanks
Suzy x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Suzy - just wanted you to know i;ve just had a look at your ******** page and found it very informative. i'm also hoping to start my 2nd cycle in a few weeks time and been looking for food inspiration, so thank you for sharing   

Good luck with your next cycle



Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

*louie21* absolutely massive resounding YES to your question about suppressing your feelings. I'm told by family that I should be dealing with it and other people can't help being pg. if I have own days I'm told to pull myself together and it goes on. I'm always told by my mum you will get a child one day stopping being so negative. It's so bl***y hard...  xx


----------



## Mel77

Hi ladies,

Hope you don't mind me hopping in here, I just have a question and I'm hoping someone on here might be able to help?

We have just finished our 1st ICSI cycle and OTD was yesterday and we sadly got a BFN  

I'm just wondering, how long do you have to wait until AF shows up? I haven't had any spotting or anything and I don't think I can even begin to think about moving on until she shows up 

Thank you,
Mel x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Mel77*

So sorry to hear about your BFN 

My OTD was last Saturday and AF finally showed up on Wednesday pm, like you I hadn't had any spotting beforehand and just wanted AF to arrive so that I could draw a line under our failed tx  Hope your AF arrives soon so that you're able to come to terms with things xx

*Louie21*, yep I also find it exhausting having to hide real thoughts and emotions. I'm usually one to 'let it all out' and not bottle things up, but I find people don't want to hear all my 'woes' all the time (including DH sadly) so sometimes it's inevitable that feelings have to stay locked away....and I hate that! But I guess that's where FF steps in as our lifeline 

*Vickytick* I'm seriously shocked and astounded that people are utterly insensitive to say those things to you!! How you resist biting people's heads off I'll never know! People who think and say those things should spend 6 months with IF and see if they still have the same views at the end!  Anyway, sending hugs, you know you'll always get support and understanding here 

*suzymc*, thanks for the link and info, will have a proper read later 

Hi to *Essie* and *nclarkson*, and everyone else reading


----------



## MissV

Hello Ladies

Hope it's ok if I drop in. Just had a BFN or a BF "NOT PREGNANT!" as I was using clear blue digital - how cruel   Test day was yesterday, but I just knew it hadn't worked.

Obviously just getting my head around things at the moment, but luckily have some frosties, so am getting ready to go again soon (barring Xmas shut down), as time is of the essence.

Mel77 - Sorry to hear about your news.   I asked the nurse yesterday how long it takes for AF to show up, and she said can be few days or couple of weeks after FET which is what i did this time. I think anything is normal. When I was doing a fresh cycle last time AF arrived pretty quick but then was a good 6 weeks gap to the next one after that.

Just wanted to say hi to some people that understand, where I don't have to put on a brave face. Thinking of counselling this time, has anyone found it to be of help? 

Anyway everybody thanks for listening.  
xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome MissV

Really really sorry to read about your BFN    life can be very cruel  

I have some frosties too, so am hoping we can try another cycle in the new year (once credit card is paid off!!).  When you say time is of the essence, do you mean because of age?  Like you I think I'm going to use the time to get my head around things.

You certainly don't need to put on a brave face here, just be yourself and rant/cry/chat as much as you like    I've had counselling at my clinic and have 99.9% of the time found it extremely helpful, I'm really glad I went.  I'm taking a break from it for now but might start up again closer to Christmas.  I'm dreading Christmas because I'll be thinking about all the 'what if's' if my tx had worked, but also my best friend is due on Christmas Eve and I'm really not sure how I'm gonna cope with that!  Anyway, I'm rambling again now, but yes, I'd def take the opportunity to have some counselling.

xxx


----------



## nclarkson

Hi Ladies
Nosilab, Vickytick, Essie - thank you all for the lovely warm welcome  
This thread seems very lovely, like you say, and I think it's just what I need at the moment. I feel like I have dealt with all my tx feelings alone so far and sometimes really feel like I need to get things out. Although we all go through it with our DP's/DH's, they just don't go through it the same as us do they and I just don't think that they understand how we feel at all  
Vickytick - when I spoke to the donor nurse at Leeds she seemed to think that it may be about 6 months after Christmas so that made me feel a bit better and to be honest that isn't too long really is it, considering how long I've been on this journey. Just need to be a little more patient  . I had really high hopes for this next cycle after being given the go ahead to use the clexane and steroids so think that was why I was really frustrated and upset when I realised we had lost our donor, but they will still be there so fingers x they will work when we get the go ahead on our next go.
Hi Mel77, so sorry to hear about your BFN, it's so hard isn't it. Here's to a BFP on your next go. I normally have a bleed about 4-5 days after stopping the drugs so don't think it will be that long now. Hope it comes soon.  
Hi MissV - that is so harsh isn't it. Why do they have to make the signs on PG sticks like that  ? So sorry for your BFN and hope you're able to get another go in with your frosties before Christmas.
Louie21 - I also can relate to your feelings so much. My DP is the type who doesn't talk about anything, no matter what it is, and bottles all his feelings up. If I want to discuss how I feel about it all, he's just not interested and sometimes that is so, so hard. I feel like I bottle everything up just to make him feel better. He also 'has a go' when I'm off or moody (due to all the amount of hormones that I am pumping into my body, let alone the fact that I am covered in bruises thanks to all the injections that he does on me), but thinks that I just need to accept it all and get on with things with a big smile on my face. We also have the same situation with pregnant friends. We have 4 couples at the moment who have just either had their 1st or 2nd child and I cannot face being with them when they are pregnant. It's the bump thing that I find really upsetting. Once they are born, give it a few months and I can see them and bear it, but DP has to arrange things to see them whilst they are pregnant and then just born and if I dare to complain then I'm the one in the wrong. It's so wrong that people expect us to paint a smile on our faces and ignore our true feelings  
Totally can relate to you on this and I think this is why I am so glad to have come across this site, you guys will all understand and seem so supportive of each other.
Hope everybody had a nice weekend? Mine was very quiet, I actually had a weekend of not 'obsessing' about tx and had a few glasses of wine on Saturday so was really nice to feel 'normal' for a while. I am trying to not worry and stress about things now and try to relax and enjoy the weeks up to Christmas and then focus on starting again in the New Year.
Love and hugs to all, Nicky xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Nicky

I had a quiet weekend too, and I actually really enjoyed just lazing around in my pj's, it was bliss!    Glad you were able to have a relatively stress-free one too, and enjoyed a few cheeky vinos  

Hi to all   xx


----------



## LadyHarrop

Hi Ladies
Its been 45 days since my first post IVF bleed (the clinic said this doesn't count as a real AF). I knew it would take a while for my body to get into the swing of things....but now a little tiny bit of me is starting to think, what if you've got your miracle pregnancy (A tiny bit of me thinks that every month, despite all the evidence that it won't work ) I don't want to go through the stress of a pee stick again  . 
Help me put this in perspective - how long did 1st real AF take after your IVF cycles? 

x


----------



## nclarkson

Nosilab, I too lazed in PJ's on sunday and enjoyed every minute of it  

Hi LadyHarrop - I seem to remember after my very 1st fresh cycle it took around 50+ days for my AF to show.  I think we all think that every month too so your defiantely not   .  I had the faintest line possible on my last pee stick but still tormented myself all month that it could've been a BFP, even though the clinic had confirmed it wasn't.  I used to tell myself that i KNEW it was negative but would still be telling myself that maybe it wasn't......  Why do we do it too ourselves


----------



## wombat13

Hi girls
Had a lovely week off on holiday, lots of sun, beautiful scenery and no thinking about IF for once, got back yesterday - and today back at work the girl I work with has just told me that she's pg.
can't believe how upset this has made me, it's ridiculous - it's just because we have been trying for so long, I had no idea she was trying, I'm already struggling to deal with sil being due soon, and now it will literally be in my face all day at work too. plus, she hasn't told anyone else yet, so I have to carry it about like a heavy secret and be the only person to hear all about it. I've done nothing but cry since I got home and I feel like I'm not even me any more, I just can't be happy for her. 
does anyone have anything that can cheer me up please? I hate feeling this miserable and I have just had enough.
hi *nosilab*, so sorry to see you on here, I have been thinking of you while I've been away hon xx hope you are bearing up ok and keeping your chin up 
love wombat x


----------



## Vickytick

*nclarkson * OMG can you please come and explain to my family and dh family that what i feel, mood swings etc are completely normal for a woman with IF. You have summed me up to a tee. It's what we all go through but no one understands. I get told you won't be able to adopt with your mood swings but they are all hormone related. I found out I had a prolactin issue so it was like I was permanently pg! This has been resolved but now I'm pumping myself with stimm drugs.

*missv* welcome you will find comfort here it's a lovely thread. Sorry to hear about your bfn. Those peestick tests are unbelievably cruel. Some people feel relief at the 'not pregnant' but we simply feel grief in abundance. 

*wombat13* so pleased you had a good holiday but what a come down. Do you think we have a sign on us asking for people to divulge their news to those of us who can't get pg?? Rant on here hunnie. I had to listen to a customer telling another one bout how his wife pg was a mistake and they laughed I wanted to scream but I can't have children I'd love one.

Hello to everyone else I'm supposed to be resting as I had a little lump taken out of my mouth today but I struggle to sit still - lol xx

Hugs to all you lovely ladies  xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi to all you ladies
i had failed 1st DE IVF cycle in july- was upset but realistic
had a break in bahamas in sept with sister who works for BA = went swimming with dolphins, so felt relaxed
now ready for another go with an FET 
had baseline scan last fri, started progynova 4 daily fri, next scan booked mon 22nd
i know what you all mean about insensitive people - a work colleague gone off on maternity leave a couple of weeks ago, now better she's not there, than to be daily presented with bump! it was her 3rd pg, unplanned, as was another colleague's last year  - i feel awful for feeling jealous, but suppose it's natural, i get tired sometimes from trying to be positive and interested
just wanted a little rant
Deb
PS - here's good luck to all of you for whatever path everyone wants to take


----------



## Nosilab

*Nicky*, you can't beat a good ol' pj day eh 

*LadyHarrop*, I really can't remember how long I had to wait for real AF now, but it is definitely a torturous wait in the meantime  Please don't worry, you are definitely not  for hoping and wishing for that miracle natural pg every month, we all do and can all relate to that. If you can try and resist the pee sticks for now, they'll only upset you (I know it's hard though). If you're feeling bit low or at a loss, just pop on here and have a rant/cry. We're all here to support one another 

*Wombat*! So happy to hear you had a fab holiday and that most importantly it gave you a mini break from all things IF. However, very sad to hear that was all washed away on your return  It's certainly _not_ ridiculous that you feel so upset about the pg news, I'd say that's actually perfectly understandable actually, I'd have reacted in exactly the same way. I think it makes it so much worse when you don't even think someone is trying, or isn't bothered, that's when it hurts even more  It's really not fair on you that she hasn't told anyone else, does she know about what you've been going through? If so then that's even more insensitive of her! No need to try and be happy for her, you need to be selfish and think of YOU, cry as much as you need to, crying won't make it better but it will help to release some of the upset/anger/frustration. As for cheering you up, are you able to just spend some nice cosy snugly time with DH? Watch a film, get a takeaway? How about hobbies/interests? I.e try and keep yourself busy/distracted, that's what I try and do. I don't know it's so difficult, I just wish I could make it all better for you  I'm ok thanks hunni, getting there, have my ups and downs but mainly ok. As I say, just trying to keep my mind busy xx

*Vickytick*, Ooo hope lump in your mouth wasn't anything nasty? Hope you're ok? 

*Deb*, I chatted to you a little bit over on the DE IVF thread  Great news that you're now feeling relaxed and ready to move on to your FET, sounds like all is going well. 'Tis definitely tiring trying to stay positive and interested with other people's announcements - I agree! Heaps of luck  

Afm, not been sleeping well lately so feeling exhausted! Took some Nytol about an hour ago and now feeling sleepy so hoping and  that means I might actually get a full nights sleep tonight!

Big hello to everyone else xxx


----------



## wombat13

Thanks for the replies girls, it really does help just not to feel alone  
It just brings it home what you don't have and I am sick of feeling like a failure for what other people seem to manage so easily...
Nosilab, no she doesn't know about us, I haven't told anyone at work - if she did that would just be really cruel! 
Thanks again everyone
Love wombat x


----------



## deblovescats

so sorry about your bfn nosilab - do remember you from DE thread
just continuing with progynova - 4 tablets a day, then got scan on monday
does anyone know, if lining ok, how long after do you have FET
thanks
Deb


----------



## set55

evening ladies

Well its been a week since it was all over for me when clinic rang and said i wouldn't be going for transfer.  Today is my first day off since last weds. i'm feeling okay generally ****** off with everything but been trying to forget about it to be honest.  Haven't rung the clinic yet to book review app didn't want to talk to them.  They rang last thurs morn to see how i was but i ignored it.  Will try and ring tomorrow - maybe. 
don't really know what next step is or if i can even face doing it again.


----------



## annie.moon

Set55. Really sorry to hear you've been having such a difficult time. It's amazing how we can keep going whilst busy, but then fall apart as soon as we stop and think about it. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and  . Hope you find a way forward soon.

Annie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Set55, sending  Don't feel pressured or rushed into doing anything, just take your time and do things at your own pace. If you don't feel ready to call the clinic today then hold off for a little while longer, until you feel stronger. 

Hi Wombat, yes it does bring it all home doesn't it, every corner we turn there is yet _another _ reminder of what we are finding so difficult to achieve  Try and stay strong (hard I know!) 

Deb, thank you. I'm not sure how long with a FET cycle, but when I had my scan they said all was ok and then I think I had ET about 11 days after that. But with a FET I expect you don't have to wait as long. Good luck.

Hi to all xx


----------



## Trix_bell

Hi Ladies

I was hoping I could join this thread.  I got a BFN last weekend after first cycle of ICSI    I know that we are lucky enough to get another 2 goes on the NHS and I am thankful for that but it doesn't make the emptiness I am feeling at the moment any easier to bear.  I am sure I am not on my own and I think having some support from others will help me get through this till my next cycle.
I don't know when our next cycle will be I am waiting on the letter from our clinic to give us a follow up appointment with the consultant which I have been told will be about 8 weeks time.  I just   and hope that we don't have to wait too long because in the meantime I am finding it hard to just switch off from wanting to be a Mummy.  

xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Trix_bell

I'm so sorry to read about your BFN, and that you've had to come and join this thread    but you are very welcome and you'll find lots and lots of support here.  A BFN does leave you feeling very empty and heartbroken, so I do hope that chatting to the lovely ladies on this thread will help you.  Sending hugs   xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi ladies, I'm afraid this post is an "all about me" one but i hope i can be forgiven, I just feel i've got a lot to get off my chest and out of my head and typing it on here i hope in some way will "cleanse" me of all bad-feeling . Please don't feel obliged to read it all, its just me letting of steam 

Before I start on my rant, just want to convey my sympathies and sadness for the recent bfns who are new to this thread (i remember a few from the DE thread and May 2ww) Mel77, MissV, Deblovescats, Wombat, Set55, Trix_bell (sorry if i've missed anyone but please consider yourself included) - I hope the days get a little more bearable and you find solace and support (and a few giggles) on this fab thread 

Right, here i go... I consider myself to be a strong person (as we all are on this thread) but I'm nearing my 2nd cycle of (privately funded) DE/IVF and i'm PETRIFIED! On the first cycle we went in feeling all positive and excited; the thought of a bfn never entered our heads, and even though my friend, who i work across from and car share with, was pregnant at the time and i went through it all with her, I still kept the pma...... not this time. I'm really struggling and i never thought i would to this extent.

My friend has just told me she's expecting again (only been 12 months), just as i'm about to start my cycle  Of course, I'm happy for her (again) but i just feel irritated that they wanted another but "weren't really trying"  There's another girl at work who is also pregnant and due to go on maternity leave so i was thinking as soon as she's gone days at work will get better. But now, I just don't know how i will cope day in day out "living" my friend's pregnancy. Two ladies have just become a grandparent, so its all baby talk. And on top of that, the work i deal with relate to care proceedings and sensitive children matters. I just feel like I want to leave and already I'm thinking of a Plan B if we get a bfn again i.e. leave, go part time, despite needing the money i just think i'll crack up if *something * doesnt change this time round. I can't carry on there indefinitely. the only reason i am there really is so i would be entitled to maternity leave (chance would be a fine thing!)

Another added worry and stress is more personal. My brother and his (oh so lucky) girlfriend are waiting for their first IVF. You may think me a bit harsh saying lucky but it's my younger brother who has the problem and not her (what is it with our family  ) - She is quite jammy in life. Obviously i'm really sorry that they too are going through this horrid ordeal and i wish them all the luck in the world - but please please *please*, let me be first! 

I'm 43 so my parents have waited such a long time to be grandparents and the news that i couldnt have my own biological child was quite a shock for them and i know they're not quite sure what exactly i've been through. Well, they can't or they wouldnt have told me "you shouldnt have left it so long" Am I to be punished because i wanted to find the right man first and be married??!! Anyway, what i'm really upset about is what my dad said last Christmas - that he hopes my brother has a child because that would be his 'real' grandchild!!!!!!!!! I don't think i have to say how that made (makes) me feel. I just can't get it out of my head and now I've been told they're starting in about 4/5 weeks and i'm starting in November - i feel like i've made this whole competition up in my head 

All in all i'm feeling pretty s%*t at the moment and i'm worried that all this negativity is going to lessen my chances this time round, but this big black cloud just won't shift! 

I think that is it.... i did say it was a "me" post and i sincerely apologise to all those who have been subjected to reading it 

Essie x


----------



## deblovescats

hi to all the newbies
thanks nosilab- i suppose i'll find out FET on monday - just seems so long to wait! 
so sorry set55 - you have all our support
don't need to apologise for rant essiejean - we all know where you're coming from
i'm with you on that  - when you're wanting to get pregnant, it seems like all you hear is baby talk! i work with families in health - including parents who don't deserve to have kids! so frustrating
also, just heard today a colleague now on maternity leave has had a baby boy with elective c section - 3rd child, unplanned (and she works in health!), this follows on from colleague same time last year, who also had 3rd unplanned baby! i'm tired with trying to appear positive and happy for people, you just think when is it your time! i could be happy for people if i'd had my turn! 
anyway, don't want to rant
i'm like you essie - just in middle of 2nd privately funded DE IVF - BFN in july, so get more nervous
to top it all, i'm doing it on my own, don't have DH and none in pipeline so decided need to give it a go - have support of mum and sister
people can be so insensitive though essie - fancy saying it would be a 'proper' grandchild - as you'll know, it s not all about nature, but also nurture - when you think what some poor kids get landed with as nature, they're better being nurtured! 
Deb


----------



## set55

essie - how can your father say something like that "proper grandchild"   .  its really insensitive.  If we decide to go again and its an if at the mo i think DE are our best bet.  I really don't view them any differently after all its u who will be carrying the baby for the pregnancy.  So stay strong and ride it out.  Who knows what effect our state of mind plays in cycles but u have time to calm yourself.  I'm not positive thr all of this now i think afer three goes i have lost the feeling that its going to work.  But there's still a bit at the back of my mind that hopes for the best i just can't show it.  
I think it bothers us more about people around us being pregnant cos we are so sensitive to it.  I work in a supermarket so i see preg and new borns all the time and yes i'm jealous of what these people have so i do understand how u feel with your work colleagues.  I know someone who is going to start a cycle soon (she doesn't know i have had treatment) she will be de as she's a same sex couple and she's so excited about it i really want to tell her what she's letting herself in for.  i think she thinks that its all going to be plain sailing and that its gonna work perfect 1st time  and yes i don't want it to work for her before it works for me  

Afm i tried to ring clinic today left message and missed them when they called back so i called back and had to leave a message again getting slightly ****** off will ring again in morn.  Went shopping today but just couldn't be bothered to look at anything i just wasn't interested so travelled an hour there and back just to buy cotton wool  .


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Deb and Set - thank you so much for your replies. I have to say my dad's a good man, i just don't think he realised what he had said until it was too late. I agree that its nuture over nature, but trying to explain that to my parents' generation is easier said than done    It took me a while to get my head round DE so i guess i have to let comments like that go over my head or i'll just go crazy.

Deb, I admire you so much for going ahead with DE on your own.  Sounds like you have a really good relationship with your mum and sister. When do you start your meds?  I   that it will be your turn next, before your work colleague! 

Set, i was stressed reading about all your missed calls God knows how you must be feeling.  Frustrated must be an understatement. I hope you manage to finally speak to them tomorrow.  Sounds like we all can relate to the "pregnant colleague".  A few know where i work but i'm not sure which is easier, them knowing and giving sympathetic looks or not knowing and not being able to share your frustrations/anxieties.  Sorry, but had to giggle slightly about you just coming back with cotton wool - sounds like something i would do.

 to all

Take care
Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

*Essiejean* - I can understand how you thought your dad was being insensitive but probably didn't think about why he said. It's a generational thing. I'm lucky ( if you can call it that) as my parents ttc for 7 years before my older sister was born and I'm a twin through fertility treatment and this all happened over 40 years ago. So they understand to a degree. Shame my older sister doesn't but there you go families for you. There is theory that as you carry the de and supply blood through the cord they can develop your traits etc worth thinking about. Good luck with this cycle.

*Trixbell* think you come under the same rules as me because of OFU so if its a fresh cycle it'll be a 6 month wAit and if you were lucky enough to freeze the a 3 month. I'm over half way through my 6 month wait as I've never been lucky enough to freeze any. It's tough the wait but it allows a bit of downtime after the bfn then back on the healthy rollercoaster.

*set* I HATE the chasing phone calls it feels like you are always on the phone.

The pg announcements are hell and you have to plant a happy smile on your face when you are dying inside. It's one of the worst IF side effects.

Good luck to everyone  

Xx


----------



## set55

Review app booked for 16th nov.  
Af arrived tues which is bang on normal in terms of length.  Boobs still tender from trigger inj thought it should have worn off now.
Def going   managed to put my pressed powder puff "away" into my cup of coffee this morn  .  
off to work now 
laters


----------



## rosie79

Hi ladies please can I join you.
I've been reading all your posts for a few weeks. Now I see some light st the end of the tunnel I thought I'd join you.

I had a BFN following Ivf in June.
That was my 2nd attempt. My 1st cycle was abandoned due to no response to Simms and wrong dose. This was classed as an nhs go.
Just found out the PCThave refused my appeal for a 3rd go, despite our offer to pay for the drugs that we used 1st time round. Feel very let down and annoyed that I havent had the treatment I'm entitled to. Any way of getting out of funding and they do! So now faced with paying privately even through officially I've only had one go. 

Been passed from pillar to post a bit by the clinic in Liverpool I'm using. I have spent the past 4 months chasing up nurses who havent done what they said they would, following up appts and letters. Alot of the NHS services are Nure lead and for this reason ive found that nobody takes resposibility for your case. Had a rubbish time to be honest. a long story but finally I'm starting a short protocol with next AF. My af are so irregular so I'm not sure when that is.

I would love to get some of the staff to read this thread to realise the emotional turmoil people going through fertility, waiting for telephone calls, appointments, waiting for information promised. 

Sorry for the sad post but been so frustrated with the whole system. 
IF is so sad on it's own, without having to battle with a system which seems to be against you at every turn.

rant over....

Thanks for reading.

Big big hugs to you all x x x x


----------



## nclarkson

Hi Ladies
 Wombat - you certainly are not a failure just because you have if issues! You should absolutely never think that and anybody who makes you feel like that is a horrible horrible person! You will become a wonderful mummy one day, it just takes a little longer than other people that all.  
Deblovescats - I seem to remember it's normally about 10-11 days after your scan that you have et?
Sett5 - bigs hugs to you hun. I would echo what Nosilab said and just ring whenever you feel ready. It's not up to anybody else but you and nobody else but you matters. Just give yourself plenty of time and be kind to yourself.  
Trix-bell - so sorry to hear your BFN, big hugs to you. I've certainly found this thread a comfort and the ladies on here are lovely.
EssieJean - I can so relate to you and I certainly don't think you are selfish at all. I think you get yourself all geared up for a cycle and in a 'right place' when you're about to start and collect all your positivity and then when you find something like that out (Happened to me on 3 of my cycles, my BF and then 2 SIL's) it absolutely throws you completely out. I can also relate to you wanting to be before your brother, I have also wished that each of our cycles and unfortunately I have watched my BF have her 3rd and now 3 SIL's have their 1st's before me and it destroyed me each time. I wanted to be the one to have the 1st one as being the eldest and to give DP's father his 1st grandchild, but it wasn't to be. 
That is absolutely disgusting what they have said to you, especially as your parents!! I don't think there is anything that makes you 'get over' something like that but all you can do it try and regain your positivity, tell yourself that you will be a mummy, you deserve it so much, and just concentrate on your cycle and not theirs. Huge hugs to you and lots of that this will be your turn.   
Hi Rosie79, sorry to hear your BFN. I am new on here and the ladies are so welcoming and it's a very comforting thread.
Hello to all you other lovely ladies, hope you are all well?
I am having a rough day today. We have two ladies come in who are on mat leave with their little ones and it just brings everything home again   
Hope everybody has a lovely weekend and hope this sun stays   
Love to all, Nicky XX


----------



## suzymc

hiya ladies
thanks essie & nosilab. 
anyone else interested in fertility friendly recipes? i've added quite a few more this week. i'm also working on a webpage now to go with it  i've been busy working on a food nutrition list that will hopefully go live next week.
it's just a matter of letting everyone know i'm out there really so hopefully the webpage will show up on google etc and help people find me. any ideas lovelies?

i read someone asked about how long AF can take to show up between cycles... the answer i'm afraid for a lot of ladies is quite a few weeks. your body goes quite out of it's normal pattern, especially if you suffer from PCOS and can take some time to go back to a regular cycle again. 

best of luck to you all on your fertility journey
Next IVF soon for me!!!!
Suzy x


----------



## Nosilab

Right...first a reply to the lovely *Essie* 

Absolutely no need to apologise, and there is nothing to 'forgive' you for. We all need to do 'me' posts from time to time, that's one of the main purposes of FF, we're here to help, listen and support 

I can totally relate to your feelings surrounding your next cycle as I felt exactly the same. Like you I was full of hope and optimism for my first cycle and even though I'd thought about the slim possibility of a BFN I didn't _really_ think that it was likely, I was absolutely convinced I was pregnant, and acted as such. This time however it was completely different, I felt much more negative (or should I say realistic) about things which took me by surprise really. But I suppose it's just self-preservation and deep down we are just protecting our hearts and feelings - so please don't feel bad about struggling with the PMA, it's only natural, honestly 

I can also relate to the feeling of being stuck in your job because of the maternity leave entitlement, I've done exactly the same! I know it seems a bit  but lots of us do that because we're all hoping that our BFPs are just around the corner (which hopefully they are), so we all keep hanging on just that _little_ bit longer in the hope that something will change. After this BFN I was instantly thinking "things have to change, I can't go on like this putting my life on hold". So I do plan to look into poss new jobs, holidays we've put off etc etc. But again I think many women think this way, we all put our lives on hold to some extent, we just never expected it to be this long 

When I read the bit about your brother, his girlfriend and your dad I just wanted to cry for you and give you a big hug! What a horrible upsetting time for you. I don't think you're being harsh at all, you are just feeling hurt, angry, upset and frustrated, which sadly is what IF does to us all. I'm sure your dad didn't mean that comment to sound as hurtful as it did, and I have no doubt that when your baby is born he'll love it just as much as your brother's baby, he will adore both grandchildren. It was just a bit unfortunate the way he worded it.

As for worrying about the stress having an impact on your cycle, here's little quote from a lovely book given to me by a FF friend a while ago: "a 2005 Swedish study examining stress before and during IVF treatment found that it had no negative impact whatsoever on success rates. The tightly wound conceived as readily as the calm". The book is called Waiting For Daisy, if you'd like to borrow it just PM me and let me know 

Take care and sending big big hugs  xxx

PS you _are_ a strong woman, don't ever doubt or question that, you've been through so much  xx


----------



## Nosilab

Now to all the other lovely ladies....

*Deb*, you are a super strong woman! I admire you so much for doing your tx on your own, I'm glad you have support from your mum and sister 

*Set55*, really pleased you finally managed to get a date for your review appointment. I've done a few crazy things over the last week, but I think the powder puff in the coffee tops all mine 

Hello and welcome *Rosie79*, really sorry to read about your BFN and so sorry to hear that you've had such a bad experience with your clinic, sounds absolutely appalling!!  can't believe they totally messed up your first cycle but still classed that as your first attempt!! No wonder you feel so let down. Wishing you heaps of luck for your next cycle  

*Nicky*, sorry to hear you had a rough day yesterday, it is absolute hell when new mums bring their little ones in and parade them around the office! If only they knew how it made us feel  Hope you're able to have a lovely weekend though to help distract you.

*Suzy*, well done on all your hard work! I wonder if you could PM one of the moderators to ask if there is somewhere on the FF website that you could post a permanent link? I'm not sure if there is already a thread on nutrition, I've never looked? 

How are you doing *Wombat*? Hope you're ok, haven't heard from you in a while 

Big hello to Vickytick, Trix_bell, Annie.moon, LadyHarrop and anyone else reading xxx

Afm, still been struggling with my friend's pregnancy. I really hoped I'd have come to terms with it by now as she's about 7 months. But if anything I feel it's getting worse! It's certainly not getting any easier anyway. I just feel so resentful, angry and upset  I know it's not her fault but I just feel like such an evil friend! Something I said to myself the other day was "I can't help feeling this way just as much as she couldn't help falling pregnant!". Anyway, I still feel like a bad friend so I've finally booked an appointment to see the clinic counsellor again. At least I'll feel I've _tried_ to help the situation that way....but who knows!

Hope you all have a good weekend, hugs to all  xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Aw ladies - I'm overwhelmed by all your kind responses. *Nosilab * - you brought tears to my eyes. I almost feel guilty for taking up your time in complying such a lengthy response. Your so good with words I feel like you've tunnelled your way into my head!  I know we're all going through the same thoughts and worries and it is comforting in a way knowing you're not on your own. I will be writing down the quote that you posted to remind me everytime I'm feeling neg. It's like you've switched a light on inside my head, I can't explain it but you know when you're searching for something to make a situation more bearable, well that's it - that quote. Thank you 

And can i just reiterate what you've said to me "*you * are a strong woman" too Nosilab, you're not a bad person at all - you're human and its quite natural to have all those feelings towards your friend - God knows i've struggled with that one myself. I hope the counselling helps but please don't be hard on yourself. You've been so supportive and helped me put things into prospective. None of us should feel guilty about how we feel - if it wasnt for the unlucky throw of the dice it could have been your friend on here, saying exactly the same thing - we all feel it, as ive said later on in this post - i don't like the feelings this journey is making me have, but it's only natural considering what we have had to cope with. 

*Vickytick * - i agree it is a generation thing, plus men are never good with words and conveying how they feel are they?? You never hear of anyone having had fertility problems back then - I'm glad you have someone close who has a relatively good understanding about what you are going through. All the best for your journey 

Hi *Nicky * - thank you for your best wishes and understanding - I'm so sorry that you've had to see all those pregnancies before your own. I consider myself to be a selfless and kind person, but this journey seems to be making me selfish and envious of anyone around me who has children. I feel like a by-stander watching everyone's lives moviing on and growing. I do hope your long-awaited family is just round the corner 

  and Thankyou's to everyone else who i've replied to already for their replies and welcome to Rosie - sorry to see you've found yourself on here, but as you can tell its such a supportive thread and everyone's just lovely. You're not alone and as I've been told, no need to apologise for anything. Be kind to yourself 

Have a good weekend
Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Aw *Essie*, I'm glad it helped you, that's brightened up my Saturday  Please don't feel guilty, I wanted to reply the day you posted but ran out of time and I wanted to make sure I set enough time aside to reply to you properly and not feel rushed. I'm glad you liked the quote, I did too. I only recently finished reading that book so it was still fresh in my head and struck a chord with me too, because as I say, I felt the same as you with this cycle so that quote made me realise that my 'not-so-positive' thoughts didn't have an impact on my failed cycle. As you say, it's all about the roll of the dice  xx


----------



## wombat13

Hello everyone
Been taking a few days to get my head round recent events BUT I have appreciated all your kind words and thoughts. Thank you 

Awww, *Essie*, when I read your "rant" post my heart just went out to you! I am sure every one on here can relate to your feelings and sympathise massively! I was going to write a massive post in reply but Nosilab, I don't think I can better your wise and lovely words, so Essie, I will just say I totally understand how you feel with the whole family thing, I'm struggling with this too at the moment, especially the devastation at not being able to provide grandchildren! Daft, I know, but it would have meant so much to be the one to bring that joy, especially when we've been trying for so long, it seems so unfair doesn't it? Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you a lot, you have always been so nice on this thread, hope your job gets easier and you can start to feel hopeful again soon hon xxx

*Nosilab*! Hellooooo!  I'm still here, just dipping in and out most days as I'm still in hideous limbo! Sorry to hear you are struggling with your friend, it is so difficult isn't it. You have to squash all your own (perfectly justifiable!) feelings down because you don't want to spoil things for others, and then you just feel worse as it eats away inside! Sending you a "virtual tea and cake" to make you feel better hon xx  Glad you are going to see the counsellor; sometimes that's all it takes, just to talk it all out with someone non-judgey! AFM, got my next scan next Friday to see if we are OK to go ahead again now - please, please keep everything crossed for us, as I honestly don't know what I will do if it is still a 'no'!  xxx

*set55* - so sorry to hear you've had a nightmare getting hold of your clinic; that is the last thing you need! Although you have made me smile with some of your stories, esp cotton wool and coffee!  big hugs and hope all goes well with your review next month x

*rosie*, so sorry you've had a rubbish experience with your nurses, have you thought of writing a complaint? I know it might not seem like something you want to deal with right now but it really can make clinic staff realise how they affect patients, especially ones in our VERY sensitive positions, where everything is much more heightened due to the whole IF issue! I've cried so much over things that wouldn't even have bothered the "real" me! Anyway, hope you find lots of support and comfort here, and we are all open ears any time you need a rant! 

*Nicky* - thank you so much for your lovely and comforting words! That really meant a lot to me. Just to clarify, the only person who thinks I am a failure is me! No-one else has said it to me, it is just I can't help feeling that way sometimes when I get sad - you feel like the most basic function of a woman is beyond you... I really believed, when we started this "journey", that it would happen for us, but it has been so long now that I start to lose faith! You have bucked me up though; I have to hold strong to the belief that we WILL get there   xx thanks hon x sorry you've had a rough time with everyone around you having babies/ bringing them in - huge hugs and hopes for a better week next week! x 

sorry to anyone I have missed, and great big wombat hugs to all  

love wombat x


----------



## deblovescats

thanks girls - you're all so great and supportive
thanks nclarkson for info
thanks nosilab - i don't always feel strong, but do try to be
hi to rosie
i'm off to clinic on mon for scan - then waiting for date for ET
i know how all you ladies feel who feel guilty for resenting friends/colleagues who are pregnant - i'm there at moment - we've been sent photos of colleague's new baby - find it hard to be happy for her 
Deb


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## Nosilab

*Wombat*! Lovely to hear from you  I will most definitely keep everything crossed for you for next Friday! I've sent you some lucky bubbles and sending lots of    your way. Thanks for the tea and cake, very much needed! xxx

*Deb*, yes the feelings of resentment are just horrible aren't they. Sounds like we're all having a really tough time at the mo. Am sending you lots of luck for your scan on Monday, hope all's good so that you can get a date for ET. Have sent you some lucky bubbles too, and here's a good dose of    too!

Right then, back to the chocolate, wine (that's been a while!!) and X Factor  xx


----------



## wombat13

*Nossy*, you are ace!  Hope you cheered yourself up mightily with your choc 'n' wine fix, oooh, it's ages since I had one of those! I do think there should be "tea", "cake" and "wine" emoticons on here so we could pass them out to each other - but as there aren't, I will settle for a good ol' dancing banana....  
Went for a lovely, long, autumnal walk with DH this morning - kicked through loads of yellow leaves, fussed other people's cute puppies, talked everything through and generally felt better! Feeling very nervous for the scan next week, so thanks a million for the bubbles hon xx
It's funny isn't it, how you talk about this being a rollercoaster, but it really is - up, down, sideways and everything inbetween! Can't believe the incredible highs and lows we have all been through this year, so much sadness but a lot of hope too, and it's not over yet (despite the looming dreaded 'C-word'!) ( )
I still live in hope that there will be some good news for us before 2012 is over - happy Sunday everyone and extra-special wombat hugs   
love wombat xxx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, can I join you here please? I have been here in the past and recognise a few familiar friends from here and other places.

I have just been reading back a litle and it sounds like you are all really supportive and I could do with some right now  

I have just had another m/c and am still physically trying to recover. It may seem strange but I have recovered far quicker emotionally than physically this time. 
Im feeling frustrated atm that my body is not playing ball (again!) so it could be a while before Im up and running with another cycle!

AJ xx


----------



## deblovescats

hope you enjoyed the chocolate nosilab! 
had trip to clinic today - alll systems go! lining scan good - triple stripe and 10.2 - clinic said perfect. Does anyone know if this measurement is ok?
got to continue with progynova, start cyclogest pessaries on thurs, ET scheduled for tues 30th
Scary now its coming closer! 
then on train back, two work colleagues talking about another colleague who is pregnant - and about maternity leave! can't get away from pregnancy talk!!
Deb


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## deblovescats

welcome AJ - sorry to hear your news - take your time to recover, and work out your next steps! 
deb


----------



## orlando08

Hi Ladies,

I am new to this thread and need a chat   with people who understand.

I just had a BFN last wed and cannot believe it, I feel like I set myself up for a whole load of heartache, I can manage a brave face at work but having some crazy crying time   .. just had my chemical bleed (sorry if TMI) and waiting on AF to call hospital for next appointment.

I just had course of IVF and only got 1 out of 13 fertilized so was really hoping it was going to stick, unfortunately not, the hospital said they would have a review meeting on friday (last week) and I should get a letter in a week or so to tell me if they are going to change my treatment going forward, I am hoping onto ICSI.

can anyone tell me if there is a huge difference treatment wise from IVF to ICSI?

Big Hugs to everyone,
I dont have any PMA at the moment, maybe in a week or so it might start coming back


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *A J* and *Roband * - so sorry to see you on here. It's a truly heartbreaking journey we're all on. Be kind to yourselves, it takes time to even start to recover. We're all here to support and listen  Sorry not done ICSI, i think its when the sperm is inserted into the egg via a fine needle. IVF is when the egg and sperm are left to do "their thing" naturally in a petrie dish. That's my understanding but ladies please correct me if i'm wrong 

*Debs * - WOW a triple stripe is REALLY good! Not had one myself but i believe that's what we all strive to achieve  I think anything above 8mm is considered very good. Good luck for Tuesday! 

Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Hello everyone,

How are all you doing? I haven't posted on here for a while as just been waiting for my operation to have my polyp removed, it was scheduled for the 11th oct but got cancelled as AF never showed why does the witch never come when we want it to? Anyway I'm rebooked for the 25 th so going in on Thursday then have to wait till jan to cycle as my clinic have shut down in dec so more waiting. I'm surrounded by friends giving birth or announcing their pregnancies at the moment & I have to say I'm struggling .

*Essie* hello lovely to see you hope you're doing ok & are ready for your next cycle I think u were starting in nov is that still the plan? 
*RobandM* I'm sorry about your last cycle it's so tough isn't it. I've had ICSI & it is as Essie explained and in our instance is used if there is a limited amount of sperm or poor sperm mobility & I think they sometimes use it to help fertilisation if poor result with ivf . Wishing u goodluck xx
*Aj* sorry to hear about your cycle not working my
Body this time has not bounced back v quickly at all where as last time i cycled again after 6 weeks I think listen to your body the waitings hard though isn't it ? 
*Wombat * hello how are things with you? What's your scan for ? Hope all ok
*Nosalib* hello to u too x 
Hi to everyone else hope the days get a bit easier 
Chloe x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Chloe!!  Just a quick hello as i'm meant to be working   but wanted to say hello as i was thinking of you last night and thought I must email Chloe to see how she is getting on -spooky that you should post this morning!!    I'll be thinking of you on Thursday and wishing you all the best but will prob post before then.  Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment - i feel the same.  It's hard isnt. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long now  

Oops think i've just been spotted! 

ttfn
Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

*Wombat*, thanks for your lovely post and PM 

Hi *AJ*, I recognise your name from before. I'm so sorry to read about your m/c and sorry you find yourself here but hope you get all the support you need 

*Deb*, a lining of 10.2 and triple lined is amazing! Good work!  I think they like to see a minimum of 8-9mm so yours is fab! 

Hello and welcome *RobandM*, so sorry to see your BFN, it's so devastating  I hope you find this thread as supportive as I have, everyone is so lovely. I don't think there is any difference in meds between IVF and ICSI, it's just the part in the Petri dish that differs 

*Chloe*, why does  always hang back when you need her most and turns up when you don't want her! What a pain for you! Anyway, at least your op is now this week, sending lots of luck  

Naughty naughty *Essie*! Your post made me laugh 

xxx


----------



## set55

hi 
i'm confused.com

my acupuncturist text me last night to see how i was, funny cos i had been looking on web at cost of donor eggs ivf or icsi.  she wants me to get level 2 tests/immunology tests done as she says i clearly have some prob. but i just don't know what to do i'm worried about the cost of everything as donor eggs icsi seem to be more that a reg cycle plus there will be drugs on top of that and then if i do do tests that another £1000.  If i do do another cycle its likely to be the last one we can afford at £5,500 but if cos its the last chance saloon and we do all other tests it could cost £7000 it just seems like i'm throwing money away.  I don't know what to do.  I would like some sort of def idea of how much its gonna cost but u can't do that without spending more money. 
She also suggested that i go abroad to spain as success rates for donor eggs are higher but i would have to book def dates off from work as hol so don't know whether this is a realistic option plus i don't think its that much cheaper.

Sorry for the blurb but i'm stuck anyone have any ideas or suggestions


----------



## orlando08

hi everyone,

oh my goodness, what a lovely bunch you all are.

I am feeling a bit better today, managed to get my ass out of bed asap and go for a jog with the boys ( 2 retrievers, who help keep me sane).

set55 - oh what a dilemma, nightmare, i hope some other girls can give advise that will help you

chloe- isnt she just called a witch for a reason, i am waiting for her just now and hate her already

deblovescats - good luck !

AJ- so sorry to hear of your loss, i felt the same after BFN my body seems to have taken a right beating, hopefully a little more time and you will be back on track  

wombat - your great! I love those walks too, good luck and fingers crossed for you  

nosilab - goodness, you are so not a lone, I think we all feel the same, it so highlights everyone else who is preggers or just had babies.  I have a friend who has been "kind" enough to tell me twice when they have started trying and when they are preggers before they tell anyone else in our work - but at the same time if feels like they are rubbing it in, and I know it is only because they want me to have a minute to get my head round it. 

suzymc - i would be interested let me know - sorry i know this is bad, but i am in a bit of self pity place and enjoying the vino, so once give it up in a ay or so i will be looking for some health receipes,


sorry if i have missed anyone,  take care and hopefully we will have some good news soon

I am heading to the lake district in a couple of weeks as a little treat, we found a place that we can take the boys which is great, i am on the countdown from work already    xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Set55*

It's so easy to be confused by it all (I get like that too!) as there is so much info out there. I don't know lots and lots about DE IVF (although I have just done my first cycle) and I don't know much about additional tests etc, but you could have a look on the DE thread and ask the lovely ladies there for advice, a lot have had successful tx abroad.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=290108.0

Sorry I can't give much info but hope you get the info you need so that you can come to a decision


----------



## A J

Set 55...I have had 2 DE ivf cycles and 1 DE fet both in Spain. There are lots of clinics and they all pretty much seem to work the same way. I dont think cost is a lot cheaper than here but there is generally no waiting list plus its completely anonymous.
Personally, I have found the whole experience fairly easy. The initial tests are the same as here for ivf ie HIV, rubella etc. You would need an initial consultation which many clinics will do by skype and you can give them a time that you are available for transfer. It does seem daunting but if you make the decision that De is the way forward then it does slot into place (honestly) xx

As for level 2 tests- I have thought about it but something is stopping me...the clinic I use here for scans etc will prescribe steroids and intralipids without doing the tests as the medication doesn't harm to take in anycase. I'm just a bit sceptical as I have read many women who have had all the tests, taken the prescribed meds and still got a bfn or m/c. In my last cycle I had steroids as precaution as well as Clexane for blood clotting (even though I dont have a problem-was tested a few years ago for that).
It really does seem like a numbers lottery with it...I really wish I knew what the answer is...in the meantime I just want to keep trying. This time I'm having AB's for Hidden C which is something new for me. Maybe its the missing link for me...I'm sure there is one for all of us  

AJ xx


----------



## deblovescats

thanks roband and nosilab
at least lining scan was encouraging, but then clinic said last one was fine, then got BFN
trying to remain hopeful
now on countdown, been busy at work which helps
then good friend rang last night - having problems at work (not pregnancy related at least!) so was on phone for 2 and a half hours to support her! she said she felt morre positive after talking to me so that's something. Good to take my mind off my own issues
Deb


----------



## wombat13

Hi girls

Hi *Chloe!*  Nice to see you again, although I'm sorry it's on here! ohhhh, I really feel for you waiting for the polyp op! (think I remember telling you all about mine a while ago?) Good luck for it tomorrow hon; at least it is a quick op and you will be knocked out anyway! Hope all goes well and then you can move on forwards to the next round.   AFM, since my polyp op in May, I have had at least one scan every month and they keep saying they think there is still something there - so i am  it is not another polyp; I've had to stop all meds and be on the pill to thin my lining right down so they can see it better, and hopefully the scan on Friday will show that it is just scarring, a base remnant from the original, or a fold in the lining, and then we should get the green light to proceed, which is all I want! It has seemed such a long time waiting, so I'm really nervous for Friday - just want some good news so we can get back to our embies at long last!  x
*RobandM* - hello! Very jealous of you and your two beautiful "boys" to help keep you sane - I'd love a dog but DH says "one thing at a time"!!  glad they have helped cheer you up and get you out and about - dogs are ace like that! ooh, and you are off to the lake district too; double jealousy!! I have always wanted to go there but haven't made it yet - hope you have a lovely time, it will be so beautiful it is bound to help x So sorry about your recent BFN; you will find so much support here, it really is a great place.  x
*set55* - sorry, I don't have any words of wisdom but I hope you manage to sort it all out - there's so much to confuse us, I'm sometimes amazed I can even put my own socks on in the morning! 
*Nossy, * you are more than welcome, any time! Now the news has sunk in a bit my usual sunny side is gradually reasserting itself! I'll send you a proper PM about yesterday!  

hope everyone is having a good day despite the murky weather!
love and wombat hugs 
love wombat x


----------



## wombat13

PS -* Essie*, hope you've got your head down! 
Made me laugh, the thought of you sneakily posting! xx


----------



## Chloe l

*Wombat* hello oh gosh I'm sorry you've had all that polyps are truely pesky I've come to hate mine but tomorrow it will be gone yay! I pray for u that your scan goes ok in Friday & u get the all clear . Amazing that you've got 10 embies frozen though that must be a comfort , you've been so patient but they'll be back safely inside u v soon goodluck xxxxx


----------



## EssieJean

'Hi *Wombat * - glad i made you laugh  They're so strict at work but this is more imporant!  Good luck for Friday's scan - I hope all your waiting and scans pays off and your embabies are snuggled back in soon 

*Chloe * - good luck for tomorrow! Can't imagine how you're feeling but i know you'll be just fine. Just think that this polyp was the reason you got your sad bfn in April, now that reason is being removed 

Thinking of you both, big 

Essie x


----------



## MissV

Hello all

Just dropping in to say hi. Its been a couple of weeks since my BFN and I have to say it's not been an easy time. I've been popping in here to read, and it does help knowing there are others in the same boat, with the same emotions, struggles and the need for wine and chocolate!

After a particularly emotional weekend I have booked in for acupuncture. I've never done it before, but feel I need to start taking charge again, try and get positive and get myself ready for the next go   does anyone on here have experience of acupuncture, I'm not sure what to expect at all, not sure what I think about, but feel I'm going to go mad if I don't try something new.

Wombat - good luck with the scan.

RobandM - Sounds like the PMA is returning. The holiday sounds great, just what you need. Enjoy.

Set55 - Thinking of you, I hope someone can give you some advice that will help in your choices. 

Chloe I - Good luck tomorrow. I've been through the same, I hope all goes well for you.  

AJ - So sorry about your news. Take time for yourself.  

Deb - Good luck with your journey, stay positive, it all sounds good.

Nosilab - Wine and chocolate, my best friends! I have been spending plenty of quality time with them myself recently.

Essie - Massive hug to you. I couldn't stop crying after your emotional post. I hope that things are looking a bit better this week.

Lots of love to all  
xxx


----------



## Nosilab

*Chloe*, just wanted to wish you lots of luck for tomorrow   

*Deb*, things like that do help distract don't they, sometimes it's good to focus on helping/supporting other people. Glad your friend felt more positive at the end of your chat 

*Wombat*, so pleased to hear that your lovely bubbly personality is returning and that you're feeling more like 'you'  Will reply to PM shortly 

*Essie*, hope you're ok and didn't get into trouble yesterday?! 

*MissV*, I haven't had acupuncture (but I'm not a fan of needles!) but I've heard lots of good things about it and it's great that you're taking control, it'll feel very empowering. Good luck with it all and hope you find it helpful. Yep, wine and choccy are very good friends of mine, particularly the choccy! 

Hi to all  xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Miss V* - sorry i made you cry , feeling much better this week thank you, works still a struggle, but heyho, deep breaths. We're all on such a rollercoaster, but hopefully the "up" days will far outweigh the lows for us all soon  It's funny you should mention acupuncture. I've just had it recommended and decided to ring our local acupuncturist tomorrow. i've never had it but my 2nd cycle starts in November and its the only thing i didnt do the last time. Like you, not sure what to expect but, in for a penny.....

Hey *Nosilab*! I got a few disapproving looks but i don't think anyone would tackle me right now   All this talk of chocs i think i might make my chocolate truffles this weekend Mmmmmmmm

Love to all
Essie
x


----------



## Nosilab

Oooo yum, chocolate truffles!!  They sound amazing!    xx


----------



## set55

aj -
thanks so much for your reply although i have to say i am dubious about going abroad. Can i ask When u go for treatment abroad and give a date u r available for transfer how long are u over there in total and how many times do u have to go to the clinic when u r there? I don't really know how de cycles work.  Do the drugs u take cost alot last cycle my drugs were £1100 but i was assuming it would be less with de cos it seems to be the stimm drugs that cost the most.

I know what u mean about having level 2 tests i don't really want them but there's something nagging at the back of my mind saying what if thats the key.  Dp doesn't seem that keen on tests prob due to mounting costs and part of me thinks that they will find something cos when u have had 3 failed cycles something is going wrong somewhere and everyone wants to believe there can be a solution to the problem

Miss V - i have acc on my last two cycles.  On cycle 2 i really really believed it made a difference to the quality of my eggs although i also ate as much protein as poss and stopped having caffeine and i did much better than my first attempt.  But i had a disaster on my third cycle in which i did all the same things as cycle 2. And my egg quality was awful so now i just don't know it doesn't seem to have helped at all this time round. All I know is that my acc is very very knowledgeable on fertility and its best to see someone who specializes in it.  And it can't do any harm.  I will go back when i cycle again i usually go at least a month or two before cycle so she can work on nourishing my body before hand and as u go into treatment the acc gets more reg especially during stimms and transfer about 3/4 times a week.


----------



## deblovescats

thanks MissV and nosilab
i did find it helpful having someone else's problems to think about - so not just as focused on myself! 
work provides that as well - especially supporting other people as i do
going to york on sat with sister and meeting friend who needs support = will do retail therapy, go for lunch and wander round - beautiful atmosphere
starting dreaded pessaries tomorrow - yes!
Deb


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately not coping  with the ever waiting its been nearly 5 months now and I might have to wait another 4 at least. All out of my control but as my GP said I'm nearly 39 so time is ticking away (she meant nicely!) it's babies everywhere on all the soaps and news it's all a bit much. To top it all af has decided to be late for the first time in months and I need to get bloods done in time for a consultation in just over a week - nightmare. Everyone keeps saying I could be pg but I'm not 2 hpt have confirmed that. Why does this always happen?

Sounds like its been quite busy on here with some new people. Hello to you all welcome. I've looked back briefly at posts. The immunes is a tricky one. My last cycle I took the lot intralipids, steriods and clexane got 2 blasts put back and still bfn ( and I've got pg naturally  3 x but mc all of them so implantation shouldn't be an issue). I also took steriods for my pg in feb but mc and have had 2 superovulation cycles with steriods and bfn each time. I'm with AJ it works for some people but I still think IVF and Icsi is luck o the cycle. 

Fingers crossed to anyone doing any treatment over the coming days and lots of   to all you lovely ladies. Xxx


----------



## wales06

Hi ladies hope you dont mind me joining your thread.  I have my planning  appt on the 13 nov at cardiff.  Getting really anxious about it as it will be our final go.  Im on the pill at the mo (started 2 wks ago)  to try to slow down growth of cysts.  
I also have started getting unusually late af's but had a bfp, had bloods and nothing. Was told it was a build up of hormones from the endometriosos on my ovaries    .  
I dont know how to react this time round i want to be doing everything by the book but another part of me says if its going to work it will work and not to get my hopes up.  Its soooo hard 

On one of the other threads i've been on they have had lots of bfp's  which is great for the girls but leaves me feeling low.

How long has everyone been waiting inbetween tx's ?

Hugs to all Wales xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hello and welcome *Wales06 * - sorry for your bfn and surrounding difficulties. We're a great bunch on this thread and i'm sure you'll find lots of support to help you through. I had my bfn end of May and due to start again in November. I'm recipient to DE so it all depends on how my donor DRs. Last time it took 6 weeks! I'm hoping it will be a lot quicker this time.

Hope time passes quickly for you 

Hi *Vickytick * - it seems to take *forever  * doesnt it when all you want to do is get straight back into it and the last thing you need to hear is that from your GP, however sincere she meant it. I'm sure you are quite aware of how old you are   I agree that you can't turn without a baby being thrust into your face, whether it be at work, on tv or in the paper 

I remember after my bfn i was having pg symptoms and even though i knew that i wasnt, subconsciously i was thinking "what if??" - it truly messes with your head all this.

    and    all round

Essie x


----------



## wales06

Thanks Essie,  i hope your wait wont be to long


----------



## wombat13

Hi everyone
Just popping on to say thanks for all your good wishes - really nervous about scan tomorrow, I just really need some good news at long last!     please keep those good vibes/lucky bubbles coming! xx
*Chloe*, hope your polyp op went well and you are recovering with your feet up and some chocs!  I was thinking of you today and hoping all was well xx  yes, those darn polyps ARE pesky, exactly the right word!  sounds like quite a few of us have had them to contend with, so congrats on getting rid of yours - onwards and upwards!  Yes, our little frosties are a great comfort - if only we can _ever_ get back to them!! 
*Essie * - glad you've managed to stay out of trouble!  Thanks for your good wishes, I just hope and pray that our time is finally here to at least TRY! How did you get on with the acupuncturist - I've never done anything "extra", just tried to be generally fit and eat healthy, but it does intrigue me! 
*Nossy* - thanks hon, I am trying to stay as much "me" as possible, but sometimes i swear I don't recognise the sad, bitter, moody, slightly mad person I seem to have become! IF eh, what a treat...  after you were all talking about chocolate - had to go have a bar! Oops! 
anyway, I will keep you all posted after tomorrow - please please pleeeeeeeease let it be good news for us at last! 
love and wombat hugs to all 
love wombat xx


----------



## mrsknight

Hey ladies hope your all well. Had my laporoscopy and hysteroscopy yesterday mixed feelings about the results, the doctor at consultation had said due to the high grade embreyo and how perfect The cycle had gone up till implantation he couldn't see any reason why it didn't work, so I think he expected to find something when they looked in, but after laporoscopy they said there was nothing, no scar tissue no cysts nothing so mixed feelings, in a way if they would have found something it would have given me a little hope for next time. they did the hysteroscopy tho and took a biopsy and that in itself he said improves my chances next cycle so we will see. 

Feeling very sore now tho, and got a raging temperature. Got my info day next month and pick my drugs up to start December, so am hoping it works this time.  They are going to give me extra progesterone tho and put me on hrt, as I bleed two days after implantation I didn't stand a chance really. 

Are there any ladies on here who are at Barts? And starting in December? Xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi, *Mrs Knight*  I can fully relate to your mixed feelings as I was told I had 100% fertilisation and good grade eggs and couldnt tell me why it hadnt worked (it was our first go). I remember feeling deflated and thinking i almost wished they had found something wrong with me to put right, then i would get my bfp next time for sure. To be told "it's just one of those things" angered me  I'm due to start November and they've increased my progesterone too.

Lots of   that it will work for us both next time round 

Hi *Wombat * - It's not often i manage to stay out of trouble  I've got my first appointment with acupuncturist at 10 on Saturday. Not sure what to expect really, but its the only thing i havent tried so in for a pound......... I'll let you know how i get on  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and  you'll be posting good news! Sending you bubbles for luck  

And hello *Chloe*! Hope you're feeling okay and resting lots. Hopefully now you'll be able to start looking forward again. Thinking of you 

Love to everyone 
Essie x


----------



## Chloe l

Home after my op and ployp removed yay! Tired from the anasthetic love to u all x


----------



## EssieJean

Hey, so glad you posted *Chloe * just to know you're okay, but you must rest now hun. Take care 

Essie x


----------



## A J

Set...just a quickie re DE. It depends on clinic but as has been said it does depend on how the donor responds to meds. I have always told my clinic I can be there between 2 dates and they have always fitted it in on my schedule. DH has to be at the clinic for EC and depending on how many days after you have transfer would depend on how long you need to stay ie a day 3, 4 or 5 blast transfer. You can fly back on day of transfer. I didn't need to go back to the clinic between EC and transfer but spoke to them on the phone. It is of course possible to have a semen sample frozen so you would only need to go out for transfer.
PM me if you have any more Q's.

Sorry I haven't got time to do any personals and there is lots to catch up on but off to Spain at 6am so couple of hours sleep. Furry baby in the kennels.... Boohoo!!! Am having a follow up at clinic on Monday and hopefully getting some sunshine too...

AJ xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi ladies
weather here has been atrocious! hailstorm!
been busy at work which is good in a way - now countdown to tuesday!
i know what you all mean about not knowing why a cycle failed
that was me - 1st cycle july - good lining, embryo a 5 day blast, good condition - but failed. when i asked, the consultant said they wouldn't have transferred if not happy with lining etc, transfer went fine, and it was just one of those things! just the odds! which doesn't make you feel confident for next attempt as even if lining etc is good, you know it might not work
colleague who is on maternity leave kleeps updating us about how things are going - struggled with breastfeeding, struggling with sleepless nights, and you think you don't know how lucky you are though! i'd be happy to have those problems! very frustrating!
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

*Wombat*?? I'm hoping no news is good news but have been thinking about you since yesterday and I'm getting worried about you 

 xxx


----------



## wombat13

everyone! Sorry for not posting yesterday (and for worrying you *Nossy*!) but we had such a hectic day and after a mammoth chat with my mum I just crashed!
BUT - it IS good news at last! Hurrah! The evil polyp is gone, woo-hooo!!!!   
Not quite sure how it has just disappeared; I suspect it was just scarring/base remnant from the original that has now cleared up - but the main thing is that we have got the green light to move forwards at long, long last! So happy and thankful, thanks so much for all your good wishes - they worked! have to say, it felt rather odd driving away from the clinic NOT in tears - took most of the day to sink in!! 
Anyway, now I have to get my lining nice and thin with pill and D/R for the next four weeks, then a baseline scan to check all is still OK (so one more hurdle!) - and then it is full speed ahead, hopefully towards an ET just before Christmas! Trying to stay cautiously optimistic, but keep breaking out into a big daft grin - I had convinced myself it would be another 'no'! 
*Chloe * - hope you are recovered from your op and will soon be pushing onwards! xx
*Essie* - how were the needles?! you're probably having them as I type!  hope you feel lovely and relaxed - November is here next week; exciting times! 
massive wombat hugs to all 
love wombat xx


----------



## Chloe l

*Wombat* that is good news I'm so pleased for you yay!!! Xxxx


----------



## EssieJean

Woohoooo *Wombat*!         Soooo pleased for you  I'm not surprised you're wearing a grin - you deserve to feel the happiness after so much waiting. There's light at the end of the tunnel, and this time its not a chuffing train!! 

Just got back from acupuncture - feeling very relaxed and more optimistic now i'm actively doing something in preparation. She said i may start crying for no reason at all in an hour or so but that's normal, so i thought i'd post now before i breakdown  What a lovely lady and the experience wasnt half as scary as i had made up in my head. She relaxed me straight away, asked lots and lots of questions to get a background about me and my medical history and totally put me at ease. The first consultation went over an hour as i said, lots of questions, but the needle part was a sinch - no pain, totally relaxed. Felt the needles slightly as they went in but wouldnt even describe it as a prick its that light. She put them on my feet and tummy while we carried on chatting. She's ordered me a book that she's paying for which contains lots of recipes and nutrition tips. For the first time i felt like someone was on my side (apart from all you lovely ladies of course), but working for me. shes going to draw up a personalised treatment plan and that this time should be all about me (which sounds selfish but the way she said it made it sound lovely  ) I just can't wait to go again next Saturday! to anyone whose thinking about it and never done it before, i would really recommend it, though its prob not for everyone, i would give it a go and see what you think.

Hi *Chloe * - how are you? Hope you're feeling relaxed 

Love to all.
Have a good weekend 

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

*Wombat*! 

Absolutely fantastic news! I'm so relieved and happy for you. You really deserve that big grin  xx

*Chloe*, so pleased your op went well, fab news. Bye bye nasty polyp! 

Hello and welcome *Wales06*, this is a lovely thread and everyone is so supportive  My first BPN was last December followed by DE IVF this Sept. Having a break at the mo but maybe next tx will be early next year. Sending lots of  for your next cycle.

*Mrsknight*, hope you're recovering well and feeling a bit better now? 

*Deb*, how you feeling? Excited about Tues? Not long now until you're PUPO!  How very considerate of your work colleague to keep you informed of her sleepless nights and struggles with breast feeding.....NOT!! 

*Essie*, your acupuncture sounds amazing! I'm actually quite tempted even though I hate needles. There is a clinic near me that does it and specialises in acupuncture relating to fertility issues, but in the past I just couldn't afford the £40 per session  I need to get saving! Glad you found it helpful and relaxing 

*AJ*, hope all's well in sunny Spain 

Big hello and hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## mrsknight

Essiejean - aww thanks Hun, it's horrible isn't it I was so dissapointed when they found nothing, have you had a hysteroscopy? How long after transfer did you bleed? I started stopping 2 days after and then full on bleed day 6, doctor is goin to start me on hrt and some other type of progesterone as well as the cringon gel, no sure what the hrt is for really he didn't explain. 

Did you get stomach cramps after transfer? I started gettin period pains day 2 which is when I knew it hadn't worked. I am haing a frozen cycle next- a decision I regrett now , I should have gone for fresh ! 

I am going to start accupunture soon myself, let's see if that helps. 

It's so hard to have hope for next cycle when last cycle was perfect and didn't work and no explanation for it. 

Nosilab - aww thankyou, feelin better today still bit sore but ok thankyou. X x x x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Nosilab *  I would recommend giving it a go defintely, at least if you've tried it you're not left wondering.... My tummy looks a pin cushion  It didnt hurt though, honest, like i said just a very faint prick. They're really fine needles. Hope you're enjoying your weekend 

Hi *Mrs Knight* - No, i've not had hysterectomy. I was mis-diagnosed, a few years too late, that i was menapausal. At first they said i was, then that i wasnt and then i was again, so not only my emotions were up and down at being told i coudnt have my own children, but because they took so long in deciding whether i was or wasnt, i missed being NHS eligible and have had to pay privately  My GP suggested hrt but decided to wait until after the treatment, not sure why. I only bled after i stopped the meds after my bfn. A couple of days after. All through 2ww i had no symptoms or cramps but at that point it didnt overly concern me as a few people told me they had no symptoms when they got their bfp, so its different for everyone i guess.

Keep me posted as to how you get on with your acupuncture - fingers crossed its the missing piece in this tricky puzzle 

Take Care 
Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

*wombat* you must be thrilled that you can finally get back on the rollercoaster. 

*mrskight* I know how you feel my last cycle was perfect with 2 blasts but a bfn so dh isn't keen on going again as he doesn't think it'll work and can't face me having to go through it all again as its always fresh cycle but I want to give it one last go. It's so hard but it's almost a game this process and sometimes the odds are in your favour...

*Chloe* glad the op went well now  thoughts for further treatment.

Hope everyone is okay xx


----------



## wombat13

Hello and brrrrrr from my chilly Sunday! Went for a long walk instead of just to the local shop for a Sunday paper, but now glad to get back inside with a hot cup of tea, slippers, a fire and FF! I know, that makes me sound like an old woman! 
*Essie* - glad you enjoyed the acupuncture; it sounded great and like she really took the time to go through it with you and make it nice and relaxing - fab! This time should _definitely_ be all about doing whatever it takes to make yourself feel as good as possible - at least, that's what I tell myself when I "accidentally" buy yet another top/dress/pair of shoes in the sales!  Seriously though, I reckon you can't have too much of anything that helps this delightful 'journey' feel a bit better! xx
*Nossy* - hope you are doing OK and continuing to keep that chin up. How's your weekend been hon?  xx
*Chloe* - what's next for you now post-polyp? Hope you are fully recovered xx
*Mrsknight* - Hope you are feeling a little bit better. After my hysteroscopy, my gynae told me that having that done improved the chances of implantation for some reason; so I hope that turns out to be true!  xx
*Vickytick* - thanks hon, I _am_ glad to be getting back in the 'game' at long long last! Still hate it, but at least I get to 'play' now!  Every time I read your signature and think about what you have been through hon, I think you are so brave and my heart goes out to you - hope you get your one last try   xx
Anyone seen the new James Bond film yet? Been watching Casino Royale on Sky's 007 channel last night, and now I can't wait for a bit more Daniel Craig action!  hoping to get there on orange wednesday - love a good Bond adventure, total escapism! 
enjoy the rest of your Sunday everyone, love and wombat hugs 
love wombat xx


----------



## wales06

Sorry ladies need to let off some steam ***************     
I had a cancellation letter today for our tx planning, was the 13 nov now 15 jan.  Im so upset the goalposts just seem to keep moving  
It will be over 12mths by then.

Sorry for the me post.

I hope all you ladies had a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Wales * - please don't apologise there's no need. We have all had to let of steam and this is the best place to do it  And believe me, you have every right to feel **************    Why have they cancelled tx? It seems a long delay 

Sending you  

Hi *Wombat * - I'm with you on the retail therapy  How's things with you? Still grinning i bet 

It's very quiet on here at mo. Hope everyone ok and had a good weekend.

   to all

Essie x


----------



## deblovescats

hi girls
it has been quiet on here - been busy this weekend - cheering my friend up on sat - my sister and i met her in York and we did some retail therapy - handbags! and went for lunch.
back at work today.
i'm getting a bit anxious now as i've got ET tomorrow afternoon - waiting for call from clinic in morning to ensure embryo thaws! hope it all goes well, then on to 2WW!
Deb


----------



## shelleysugar

Hello all

I'm hope you don't mind me joining you here. We are brushing ourselves down after a bfn on our first IVF cycle, but that is on top of 3 x bfn's from natural IUI's and the whole thing has definitely taken it's toll. We are having a bit of a break and recovering before hopefully starting again in the new year. We have a follow up consultation on 28th November where we can go over what went wrong (if anything!) and what our next step will be. We are talking about doing a medicated iui instead of an ivf in the first instance, but I think we need advice from the consultant on that one. I rather like the idea of not having to do EC again for a bit!

Good luck to all you ladies who have started tx again:
*Deb:* good luck with ET tomorrow and the 2WW.

*Essie* - I'm a big convert to acupuncture too. I started going when I had unexplained lower back ache but it regulated my periods amazingly as well - kill two birds with one stone (or needle!). I'm pleased you like it too.

Hello to everyone else, I'm sure I'll get to know you all.

Shelleysugar x


----------



## EssieJean

Good Morning  All the best *Debs * for your ET this afternoon - thinking of you  

Hello and welcome *Shelleysugar *  sorry to hear of your bfn. Going through so much does take its toll but hope you'll find some solace and comfort on this super supportive thread  I'm definitely a convert to acupuncture too! DH said i seemed to have a spring in my step straight after. If anything it certainly made me feel a lot more positive purely by having it, so that in itself can't be bad.

Take care
Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

*debslovescats* hope it went well today  

*wombat* my mum tells me all the time treat yourself you've gone through hell this year etc which does make me feel better for buying a top etc. Saw the new James Bond last night and actually really enjoyed it and I've NEVER seen a bond film all the way through before. The first half is a bit slow but then it gets going but it's a long film.

*wales* I'm in a similar boat to you it's been over 5 months nearly and I've been told I might have to wait until April at the earliest but I've got an appt on next tues so I'm hoping they might do it quicker as I'm 39 in feb. So I understand how the waiting is hell esp when they keep moving the dates just as you near them. It's taken me over 2 years to have 2 cycles..hang in there but rant away as its  . Did they give you a reason why? 

Welcome *shelleysugar*

Hello to everyone else scary that Christmas is less than 2 months away now


----------



## Nosilab

Hi all

Hello and welcome *Shelleysugar*, so sorry to hear about your BFNs  This thread is great and full of really lovely supportive ladies. It's great that you have a follow up appointment planned, hope that goes well 

*Essie*, how are you feeling now, still got that spring in your step?  Had a lovely relaxing weekend thank you. Hope you did too?

*Wombat*, I LOVE the sound of hot cuppa, slippers and fire, sounds like absolute bliss  Not feeling too bad at the mo thank you, still have ups and downs but mainly ups at the moment. How are you feeling? Still grinning from ear to ear I hope 

*Wales06*, I'm so so sorry to hear that the clinic have moved your appt. How  annoying and upsetting for you! Did the letter give a reason why?! 

*Deb*, hope everything has gone to plan today and that you are now officially PUPO?? Sending lots of    Retail therapy is always good! Love York, DH and I are thinking of having a mini break there sometime.

*Vickytick*, how you doing? REALLY hope they're able to bring your tx forward when you meet with them next week. Did you always have that appointment planned, or is this one that's just been arranged? Hoping and  things happen sooner rather than later for you 

BIG HELLO to everyone I've not mentioned, hope you're all doing ok? 

Afm, nothing to report really. Off work this week so just pottering around enjoying some time away from work  DH and I went to Cardiff yesterday and today I've been and had a haircut, so feeling pampered. Off to see friends this eve. Hope everyone had a good weekend and has had a good start to the week.

 to all xxx


----------



## wombat13

Hiya *Nossy!*  Just sent you a PM hoping you were OK, and here you are, right as rain!  Glad you have had a couple of days away and done some lovely things to feel good - ooh, I love a new haircut, it just makes you feel better, like the street is your catwalk! (I'm sure that's off some dodgy shampoo advert - but it's true!!)  Glad to hear you are feeling "up" too; I swear it's the smell of the crisp autumn leaves, the hint of a bonfire in the air, and the glow in your cheeks when the weather is like this - and the excuse to enjoy slippers, fire and tea/hot choc of course!  I am still grinning, thanks, start meds tomorrow so very excited, although trying to keep a lid on it - getting past the baseline scan will be the next hurdle, so four weeks to go!  glad you are ok hon xx 
*Essie* - excellent that you've got a spring in your step; it is so nice when something actually works!  hope it carries on that way for you! xx
*Vickytick* - you've _never_ seen a Bond film?!!  excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor - that's sacrilege in my house!!  when we were growing up, when my folks said "let's watch a film", what they really meant was "let's watch a Bond", so they are part of my childhood, and DH is the same! Glad Skyfall was good, really looking forward to it - tomorrow is 007 day, yay! 
*wales* - so sorry to hear you've been delayed hon, that is so unfair!  did they give you a reason? I'm bad with waiting too (and we've had more than our fair share this year!), so I would be going mad! Hope you can get some anwers, and maybe a change of mind? x 
loads of love and wombat hugs to all 
love wombat xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Wombat*, I'm still here and doing ok  I did laugh at your 'shampoo add' comment but it's so so true isn't it! After going to the hairdressers you always walk down the street with your head held high feeling fab!  Glad you're still grinning! Very exciting that you start meds tomorrow  keep us posted xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies 

*Nosilab * - glad you're okay and enjoying a well earned break. I remember the days when a trip to the hairdressers felt like a treat. Those days are long gone since i married a hairdresser  Back of the queue me now unfortunately. I get a cut on special occasions, birthdays, christmas, holidays... it;s a good job i'm low maintenance,well at least where my hair is concerned  Enjoy rest of your week 

Hi *Wombat * - think i've worn my spring out! Sat snuggled in front of fire eating homemade bonfire toffee - next appointment will hopefully give me another surge of energy  Hope you're okay 

*Vickyticki * - sorry but i have to agree with Wombat - not ever seeing a Bond film is sacrilege   They remind me of my holidays in Newquay when i was young. Inevitably it rained so we'd go to the pics on the front and it was always a Bond film that they showed. Must admit though i'm a traditionalist and nothing can replace the old Bonds for me and their theme tunes - well, may be I could be persuaded with another peak of Daniel Craig in his trunks  Hope everything okay with you 

*Debs * - hope it went well today - sending lots of   and   

Hi and   to the rest of you lovely ladies

Essie
xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi girls
all went well today so praying and hoping like crazy! 
got call this morning from embryologist to say embryo had thawed ok but wasn't best quality, which got me quite stressed, but she said all ok to go ahead! 
when i got to clinic, they said they could fit me in earlier so i had to rush to drink the water! the embryologist then said the embryo had recovered well after thaw and was looking good! so hope she's right
ET went much easier this time - last time i had to keep drinking loads of iced water so they could visualise bladder/uterus
this time went a lot quicker
now on dreaded 2WW - getting paranoid about whether i get any tell tale symptoms or not, didn't last time and got the BFN so anxious, trying to relax
i was feeling quite negativve at first this morning but now feeling better
thanks for all the good messages - nosi, essie ...
go for York mini break - sounds great!
Deb


----------



## EssieJean

Congrats on being PUPO *Debs *  - so excited for you  Sounds like you had an exhausting day, its only natural you'll feel anxious. Keep us updated now you're on the dreaded 2ww  Sending lots of  your way.

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

*Deb*, big congrats on being PUPO!  you know you have us to try and keep you sane on your 2ww  Glad to hear that your embryologist said that your little embie recovered from the thaw and that ET went smoothly this time, all sounding good.

*Essie*, can't believe you have to get to the back of the queue for a haircut from DH! The cheek of it  you should be given preferential treatment  Looking at your piccie looks like you have lovely long hair, is that the reason for the "low maintenance"? Mine is a short bob and was looking really tatty! Might have a change and grow it a bit longer again though.

Big hugs to all


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Nosilab * - you got it! That's exactly why i'm low maintenance  In fact, its a well known fact that if i'm wearing my hair up... it's time for some tlc  Must admit - it is an advantage of having long hair. I've had a bob in the past but for me it was too much like hard work - low maintenance and lazy 

Essie
xx


----------



## princesspink96

Hi ladies may I join you?

Had my first bfn a couple of days ago and am feeling like a complete failure. Being male factor I thought I was being given pregnancy on a plate but it was not to be.  Waiting for follow up appointment now and will probably go again in the new year, will have to pay this time though.  Anyway in the meantime does anyone know anything about duofertility monitor or know anyone who's used one?

 to everyone


----------



## mrsknight

Hello princesspink96 

Really sorry to hear you got BFN, it's just awlful isn't it and I think everyone on here can understand your feeling of being a failure that's a feeling I struggled with after our first cycle failing, the whole cycle had gone perfect up until implantation, so it was down to me, that feeling does get easier to deal with in time. 

Did you bleed during your 2ww? Will you have a follow up with your doctor to discuss the failed cYcle? 

X x


----------



## Minidaisy

Hi Ladies, hope you dont mind if I join your group.  Got my BFN today   and I am gutted.  I now have to wait untill next year before being able to start again and I feel so lost just now.  Although I hated the 2ww I now wish I was back there, blissfully unaware of what was coming.  I know that sounds strange but it feel so final now.  

I am going to try and pull myself together and focus on getting healthier for my next cycle. I need to loose some more weight and I worry that this contributed to my failure.  I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband who is so positive and keeps me going.  I worry he will get fed up with this whole thing....

God once you start writing on here its hard to stop.  Anyway I am sure you are all fed up listening to sad talk so I will stop now.

I look forward to getting to know you all over the next couple of months 

xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome Princesspink96 and Minidaisy  Really really sorry to see your BFNs  , it's such a sad and heartbreaking time  I hope you find lots of support and comfort on this thread.

Sorry *Princesspink*, I don't know about the duofertility fertility monitor, hope one of the other ladies can help out 

*Minidaisy*, it doesn't sound strange at all that you want to be back on your 2ww, I remember very clearly wanting to stay in denial. It took me a few days to call my clinic after my BFN as that meant it'd all be very final then, so I delayed making that call. I'm glad you have your lovey supportive DH, just be there for each other and don't forget you're each others _number one_, IF is a tough old journey but you have each other to see it through, whatever the outcome  You chat away on here as much as you like, nobody will get "fed up of listening", that's what we're here for 

*Essie*, totally agree! My bob is such hard work and I'm well known for being lazy when it comes to maintaining a hairstyle  ! My sister is a hairdresser and it's been known for her to refuse to cut my hair in a certain style in the past 'cos she knows I'll get bored of the upkeep lol! Considering that I've done pretty well with my bob, have had it like this for a few years now but think it's time to go long again! Give me low maintenance any day 

Nossy xx


----------



## princesspink96

Aww minidaisy sorry to hear your news and I wish I was back on the 2ww too, ignorance is bliss!  It is hard and I've found it comforting reading others stories to know I'm not on my own.  I think we need to give ourselves a break and get fighting fit for round 2 in the new year  . Don't worry about sad talk, that's what this page is for xx

Mrs knight, my otd was tomorrow, I started to feel like af was coming on Saturday afternoon, started brown spotting on Sunday afternoon then af arrived on Monday, i tested early to put myself out of my misery.  Dh called hospital today to let them know and they'll come back to us with a follow up appointment.

Nosilab I've got a bob too, if I try and grow my hair it grows out sideways not down and makes me look like Michael Jackson circa 1972


----------



## shelleysugar

*Deb* - congratulations on being PUPO - fingers crossed the 2WW flies by and you get a bfp at the end of it  

*Princess Pink* - So sorry that you are in the same boat, but it's nice to know there are others out there who know how we feel. I don't know about the fertility monitor, but I'm sure someone will. I got brown spotting from 9dp5dt and I knew it was all over. My AF didn't arrive properly until day after otd but I think that's just the way my body works! Our problems are male factor and like you I thought it would just work - how wrong can you be!!

*Minidaisy* - I think you have every right to mope around for a bit - this is a horrible process when it doesn't go our way. It sounds like your DH is a positive guy to have around. 

Talking about hair - mine is a frizzy mess as I got caught in the rain today and then got blown to pieces - how attractive!! It's usually relatively low maintenance but not in this horrible weather!!

Shelleysugar x


----------



## deblovescats

so sorry princesspink and minidaisy - as the other girls say, we've all been there and you have our support
i'm surviving 2WW - not been online for a few days as i got a bad migraine and sickness on wed lunchtime, had to go home sick, and stopped off thurs which was just as well, as i had a manic day thurs, went back in on fri, took it easier
i'm trying not to symptom watch - i just feel a bit negative about it all, as i haven't any symptoms at all, like last time, i just don't feel pregnant ( i know it's too early really!) not giving up though, there's still hope
if OTD is BFN i'm not giving up, looking into serum as recommended by others, as i need answers if it doesn't work.. My clinic just said there was no reason it didnt' work last time, as lining and ET were fine, but must be something!
Going to have a DVD day tomorrow and keep hoping
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

Morning ladies!

*Deb*, glad to hear you're baring up on your 2ww. Really rubbish that you had a migraine and sickness though  hope you're feeling better now? It's really hard not to symptom watch, but try not to give up hope, lots of ladies get a BFP without having any symptoms. When is your OTD? Enjoy your DVD day today 

*Princesspink96*, I laughed at the thought of you looking like Michael Jackson circa 1972  Mine does some crazy things but not quite growing sideways! 

*Shelleysugar*, mine goes frizzy in horrible damp weather too, niiiice! 

Well, we got woken up at 6am this morning by torrential rain, then got up a couple of hours later to 2ins of snow!!! It wasn't even forecast! Our neighbours had already been up and built a snowman! Snow....on the 4th November?! Crazy weather 

Have a good Sunday everyone xx


----------



## wombat13

Nossy - can't believe you have snow!!!   must be nearly time for    
all we have here is     - rubbish! But I'm still suffering with a stinking cold, so sofa and duvet day for me, and the rain can't spoil a few good books/DVDs!  
loads of love and wombat hugs to all you lovely ladies in horrid limbo  
love wombat xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Wombat  

I can't believe we had snow either, my eyes nearly popped out of my head this morn when I got up and looked out of the window    If anything I expected to see flooding....weird huh!  Fun to wake up to it though. 

Really rubbish that you have a stinking cold   stay tucked up warm and take care   xxx


----------



## wales06

Hope all you ladies are having a fab weekend.  

Deb's congrats on being pupo i hope your feeling a little better now.  

My appt was cancelled coz swansea clinic has closed for a new one to be built.  So they're patients have been transferred to Cardiff who were already struggling with staffing and funding.  So it's a case of being patient


----------



## deblovescats

thanks nosi and wales
thankfully we haven't had snow yet - tho it's been cold enough to do so
been having a chilling day, snuggling up with one of my cuddly fur babies, who's a big softie and watching DVDs
i'm trying not to obsess, back to work tomorrow, countdown now till 10th
clinic said to phone on mon as closed sat, and to continue with meds till then whatever the result
i feel i do need more investigation if this turns out to be BFN as needs to be a reason, when you have DE you think it gives you a better chance but not been so so far.
Deb


----------



## set55

Debslovescats here's hoping your remaining week goes smoothly roll on nov 10th.  You are so like me in your lack of positivity and wanting a clear answer to why its not working.  try not to sent yourself too   this week.

afm nothing happening as usual.  Been to see bond which was v good - not enough topless scenes though for mr craig.
i find myself being so angry lately and taking it all out on my dh i know i shouldn't be doing it but i just can't help it.  I'm so bitter about everything.  def in a rut at the mo. Was my birthday last wed and i wasn't happy with what he bought me (and i know i'm so ungrateful) but it just felt that he had bought the easiest thing with no thought involved.  I had even said what i would like (some sexy underwear to actually make me feel like he still wants me ) but he didn't get me this its like neither of us can be bothered anymore to make the effort.


----------



## Shellebell

Hi girls

Can I just remind you again that this is a BFN thread and all cycle chatter is to take place on the relevant cycle threads please.
I'm sure you can understand the reasons we ask this to make a 'safe place" for those who are needing extra TLC from a BFN 

Thank you


----------



## deblovescats

thanks set - trying to remain upbeat, though not always easy! 
just thought i'd catch up on here before work
now past the half way mark, countdown to sat - trying to occupy myself with work! 
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

Morning ladies!

*Wales06*, I'm pleased that they at least gave you a genuine reason for cancelling your appointment, still not great I know but hopefully time will fly past for you 

*Set55*, so sorry to hear that you're finding things difficult at the moment, such a horrible time isn't it  The IF journey does leave us feeling bitter and resentful. I felt really low and sad on my birthday too, in fact I cried  I then felt really guilty that I was ruining the day for both myself and DH. I also didn't feel happy with what he got me for my birthday and then felt incredibly ungrateful (that made me cry even more)!! I think it's just an accumulation of how we're feeling overall, I expect if IF wasn't a factor in our lives and it was any other birthday we'd have been happy with the pressies we got - but as you say, it's those closest to us that bare the brunt of all our emotions. Don't feel bad, I'm sure it's just a blip and hopefully you and DH will be back on track soon, IF can definitely take it's toll on  be gentle on yourselves x

Big hello to everyone else 

xx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Ladies, Just thought i'd touch base...

*Minidaisy*, *Princesspink * and *Shelleysugar * - hello and welcome. Sorry to find you on here - i'm sure you'll find comfort and support as i have on this thread.  to you all.

*Wales * hope you doing okay  This IF lark makes us masters of being patient 

Hi *Set55 * - sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. It's absolute c**p the way this whole journey makes us feel. Thinking of you 

Hi *Nosilab * - i felt sad to read that you cried on your Birthday - i think there's so much pressure on us to "stay strong" when sometimes all you want to do is run for the hills and screeeeeammmm!!

Which is exactly how i felt yesterday..... THIRD pregnancy announcement at work!! to make it worse the girl in question is known for causing trouble and revels in getting a reaction from people, which is exactly what she was wanting from me (but didnt get).. why else would she bounce over with her scan picture singing I havent told you my news have I??!!! To say it was a blow is an understatement. there'd been no rumour whatsoever and i'd just got over my friend, who sits across from me, announcing hers last week. Anyway, i was strong and hugged her and congratulated her, then calmly went to the loos and sobbed   and sobbed some more when i got home. To have to go through 3 pregnancies is just too much. After talking with DH i decided to speak to one of the bosses and ask to cut my working week down to 3 days. Money is tight but i guess the stress of going into work is just going to undo all my good work i.e. change of lifestyle, diet and acupuncture. This 2nd cycle may be our last due to lack of funds and I have to do what i feel is right for me. I hate sounding so selfish but i just can't sit through baby talk and comparing pregnancy tummies all week feeling that i don't have a choice. I should have an answer by Thursday. At the moment i just want to walk away completely but know that's not an option.

Sorry for my ramblings.

Hope every else okay  

Essie x


----------



## set55

Nosilab, Essie Jean

Here's to growing stronger in the future and looking to the future whatever it may have in store for us all.
Essie - u got 2 do whats right for u emotionally can't keep beating yourself up all the time about how u feel. 
If we cycle again it will be our last too.


----------



## deblovescats

i know how you feel essie! 
last year, a colleague was on maternity leave unexpectedly - 3rd baby unplanned! she got back july, then another colleague went off = again an unplanned 3rd baby! thankfully she's off now so don't have to look at baby bumps! why is it some people get what they don't need and some of us are still waiting! they just talk babies all the time and expect to have a sympathetic ear! 
i try to be patient but it is hard.
i haven't told anyone at work about my plans because i don't want any questions
i'm still on countdown! and surviving
Deb


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Debs * - I dont know how you cope not having told anyone.. then again, it hasnt done me any favours telling a "selective few", it's almost as if they're showing off! Of course i know they arent. I've a feeling there's gonna be a lot of   moments to come!

Thinking of you on your countdown 

Hi *Set * - i know i shouldnt be so hard on myself - not used to putting myself first i guess, but needs must 

Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Oh *Essie*, bless you, you always apologise for your "ramblings" when there's really no need to say sorry, that's surely what we're all here for 

I can't even begin to tell you how sad I feel for you, my heart just sank when I read your post  You most definitely need to be selfish and put yourself first for once, and reducing your hours sounds like a bloomin' good start! People make me so  angry at how insensitive they can be, there is really no need for that kind of gloating and 'rubbing your face in it' grrrrr  No wonder you want to run for the hills and scream.....shall we run and scream together 

Hoping for good news for you on Thursday re reducing your hours 

Big BIG hugs  xx

Glad to hear you're surviving *Deb*, not long now 

Hi *Set* and everyone else reading 

xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Good morning *Nosilab * - that sounds like a damn good plan!!   If only we could walk away from work until our dream comes true 

How are you anyway? You're so selfless replying to everyone's posts and never use the "AFM". Sending you BIG  too.

Hello to everyone - hope you all have a good day 

Essie x


----------



## L21

EssieJean - i totally sympathise about the work situation. I had the same at my work with the secretary, who got pregnant on a one night stand and then flaunted her pregnancy around the office. She knew I was having IVF as well! What I'd say, is that you cant protect yourself from pregnancy announcements, if its not at work it will be family/friends announcing it. And I know it hurts, but you have to try (its not easy!) and focus on your own gameplan and just avoid the pregnant people as much as possible. Could you not tell a couple of people at work, so they know to be sensitive?
Cos going through treatment you need as much money as possible, and work can be a useful distraction too.
Anyways,...lets hope your pregnant colleagues get fat, with swollen ankles or something so they're less gloating about it!..haha.

xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Hey everyone how are you all doing?  Just over a week since my BFN and I still feel a bit lost.  I broke down and told my mum last week who was brilliant and I felt loads better for telling someone (I'm not known for sharing my feelings!). I've taken myself off ******** for a bit as cant bear to see another scan picture or baby photo, does that make me sound a bit mental, what do you think?

Anyway, I hope you're all looking after yourselves and not feeling too down.  Big  

Xx


----------



## L21

PrincessPink...sorry to hear about your BFN. I know how terrible it feels. You need time for your hormones to get back to normal as well, I call it the 'hormone hangover' and you cant underestimate how much your fluctuating hormones are making you feel bad.
And avoiding ******** is totally normal! It seems like its awash with baby pics etc and smug new mothers, so I just hide their profiles so I dont see them. 
Hope you start to feel better soon. I see its your first cycle, so dont be too disheartened, they generally say that the first cycle is about seeing how your body responds so they can take those learnings forward for your next cycle. When do you have your followup?

XXX


----------



## Tilnutt

Afternoon Ladies,

I haven't posted for some time but have been reading. So sorry to read some of you are struggling with pregnancy announcements  I do have a DS from our first ICSI cycle and feel blessed to have him but I do know how you all feel too as I don't feel complete and am longing for another child. People don't understand IF hey?! My boss thinks by telling me her Avon lady is expecting after trying for a year is comforting  

We decided to take a break and cycle again after Xmas. Gives us time to have 3 months T-Total (as recommended by consultant as DH never stops drinking during cycles and his sperm count is very low!), lose the stone gained from last two cycles (11.5lb gone so far), saves some pennies and generally let me body have a break from all the drugs and stress.

Anyway, we are due to cycle at the beginning of Jan and are doing the Short Protocol which is all new to me. I've received my prescription (I purchase my drugs from Asda - cheapest place as they don't add any profit) and wondered if anyone is able to explain what is what?

Cetrotide/Cetrorelix - I know it stops ovulation but how many days is this taken for?
Luveris - have no idea what this is for, when it is taken and how long for?

I also have the usual Gonal F which I know is for stimms, Ovitrelle for trigger and crinone gel pessaries (lovely things, ha).

If anyone can help it would be much appreciated. I know I can call clinic but as not cycling til Jan I thought I'd ask her first 

Tilnutt xx


----------



## wombat13

*Essie!* I have just popped on to see how everyone is doing but I couldn't read your post and not respond!
       
I am normally a very polite person who doesn't swear, and I certainly won't on here, but there aren't   strong enough for that horrible gloating cow at your work!! GRRRR! Made me so angry and upset on your behalf; what a nasty, insensitive thing to do to someone who is going through IVF!  I am glad you did not give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset, but I'm so sorry you had to get upset at all! Like someone else on here said, I am virtually "hexing" her with a really troublesome pregnancy, massive ankles, horrific morning sickness that lasts for nine months and an eight-day labour at the end of it!! 
Hope you get the answer you want from your bosses about reducing your hours, but make sure it is really what you want to do, especially if money is a factor for your treatment, and not just an instinctive reaction to this one horrible person. On the other hand, money is nothing compared to your sanity and happiness, so do whatever feels right for you hon!  xx
anyway, rant over, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and sending lots of wombat hugs; you are always so lovely on here and you don't deserve that xxx  
*Nossy* - helloooo! You ARE amazing, you always take the time to answer people's questions and respond to posts - you should work for FF!!  hope you are having a good week xxx 
love wombat xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hello Lovely Ladies 

*Wombat * - thank you so much for your lovely post and   . I really don't know what i would do without this thread  After today i know i've made the right decision to cut my hours. The two newbie pregnancies were talking about how they would both be finishing work in May etc etc and it really has been a decision of insanity over finances  The third left today to go on her maternity leave. Comment about swollen ankles etc made me   As DH says though i shouldn't feel so defeatist as we're starting our next cycle soon so going to work on the PMA from now on  Thanks again Wombat for the lovely words, hope you doing okay, sending you    xxx

Hi *Louie21 * - it does hurt doesnt it. Even with them knowing doesnt seem to make any difference  I'll just have to crack the whip and make sure DH brings the cash in!  Thanks for making me laugh about the swollen ankles, i think we can all relate to that feeling!! haha, Hope you okay and having a good week  

*Princesspink * - i'm sure it has done you a world of good talking to your mum and releasing all those pent up emotions. It's not healthy to keep it all in. And as for ********, well i must be in the minority as i've never used it, but the very fact that you've felt like you should take yourself off must be a good thing, just for peace of mind  

Hello *Tillnut * - January will be round before you know it, it's never too early to gather info  Sorry i can't help as i'm on a DE cycle but i'm sure one of the other lovely ladies will be able to. Take care  

Hello and   for everyone i havent mentioned.

Take care
Essie x


----------



## princesspink96

Thanks everyone for your kind messages, I'd be lost without this site and probably a bit  

Louie - I'm waiting for my follow up, DH spoke to the Doctor yesterday and my treatment notes are to be reviewed before they call me back in.  I'll have to pay for the next go.  i imagine it will be well into the new year before they can fit me in.

Essiejean - for what it's worth I think you've made the right decision cutting your hours.  Your sanity is more important   and I don't know how you!ve managed not to strangle your colleagues  

Tilnut can I ask how many icsi cycles you've done?

Hi set and nosilab and anyone else I've missed  

In the meantime while I'm waiting I've gone and bought a duo fertility monitor, I'm embarrassed to admit that prior to icsi treatment I didn't really have much of a clue how my cycle worked!  The monitor is to give me something to focus on while waiting for our next icsi and if it makes me feel better that can't be a bad thing


----------



## princesspink96

Wombat - great post, made me laugh


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies! 

Right then *Essie*, get ya running shoes on, we're off!!  Ah if only we _could_ walk away from work and hibernate until our dreams come true eh 

*Louie21*, I did laugh at the swollen ankles comment 

*Princesspink*, glad you told your mum and that it's lifted a bit of a weight off your shoulders  You definitely do not sound  about taking yourself off ******** (or Gloatbook as another lady renamed it - which is much more fitting!). I deactivated my account after my first failed cycle. I'd already been struggling with it up to that point anyway and had already considered closing it down, but my failed tx was the deciding factor - it had to go, it was hurting me too much seeing all that stuff all the time  I think you've definitely done the right thing, I haven't missed it one little bit!

Hi *Tilnutt*, sorry, I can't give any helpful advice either as I'm now on DE IVF too and only did long protocol with my OE IVF. Hope someone can give you some info 

Hi *Wombat*, aww thanks, that's a really lovely thing to say 

Ok, here goes then......

AFM, just had a phone call from my youngest nephew to say he and his partner are expecting a baby. I am really happy for them both, they deserve to be happy but it's also left me feeling very sad and low. It all seems a bit relentless again at the moment. That's my best friend, a niece and now my nephew all pregnant, with another niece having had a baby a year ago  When will it ever be _me_ making that phone call?!  I really don't think it _will_ ever be me, I am rapidly losing hope, and even the energy to remain hopeful 

Love n hugs to you all  xx


----------



## Laurah1982

Hi all,

I've tried to stay away from ff over the last few weeks in hope that I can forget all the ivf nonsense we went through in August but something has just brought it all back and need to turn to you lovely people in the same situation.
We had ivf for the first time in aug, got 4 eggs and one fertilised and popped back in. As I'm here this didn't work.
My close friend who I work with has told me she is expecting. I feel for her as she was really really worried about telling me. Turns out she is 11 weeks and that's what I would have been about now  
I'm now going to see how she develops for the next 8 months every day and have a constant reminder of what might of been me.
Our situation is that I have a follow up appointment next week (which I may cancel, can't decide?). We don't have the funds for another go and time is against us.
My husband is more concerned about me and not overly concerned if we never have kids. However I find it more difficult to deal with. I'm frightened of getting upset in front of him as he thinks the ivf has done this to me and thinks more will make me worse (if we had the money).
I'm really searching for a bit of comfort from like minded people like yourselves and maybe find some way to move on :/

Laura


----------



## Tilnutt

Wombat - I think you spoke for all of us about EssieJean. It's like going through this journey automatically makes us all close friends so we feel protective for one another - certainly a good thing 

EssieJean - Good luck for your chat at work today. I seem to just work for the money and longing for another maternity break. Quite sad as I used to be so driven and focused but IF really can take over

Princesspink96 - I've done 3 ICSI cycles in total. 1st was NHS and conceived DS. 2nd I was a donor at Bourn Hall & got a BFP but miscarried early and 3rd was self funded at Bourn Hall and resulted in a BFN. Fertility monitor sounds good, how does it work?

Nosilab - It can be so hard to stay positive when everyone else keeps announcing that they're expecting  When are u next cycling?  

Laurah1982 - The first thing which came to mind after reading your post is that you & DH may benefit from a counseling session with an IF specialist. I know my clinic offers this free. Is that an option for you & DH?  

Tilnutt xx


----------



## wombat13

*Nossy* - awwwww hon!        
I am so sorry you've had yet another upsetting announcement, that's the last thing you need! Just wanted to say that I'm always here if you need a "rant" or a virtual hug, you have listened to me go on enough over the last few months; I am always only a PM and a virtual cake (or two!) away! Stay strong hon, you are one very brave lady and we all love you!   
*Essie* - glad you are re-focusing on your PMA, yeah, that's the spirit!   and less time at work means more time for tea and cake, woo-hooo!  Seriously though, it's so important to put yourself first and do whatever it takes to be happy and stress-free! I'm fine thanks, just counting down the weeks! Huuuuge hugs! 
*Tilnutt* - you hit the nail on the head, we _are_ a family of friends on here, albeit a virtual one, because there is nothing so bonding as a shared experience (even a rubbish one like IF!! ) You ladies have certainly been my lifeline on here over the course of this difficult year and I'm glad I've helped bring a smile or a hug to some of you too - aww!
Loads of love and wombat hugs to all! 
love wombat xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello Ladies sorry I've been a bit awol recently but have had so much IF stuff going on I hibernated for a bit just to get away from it all. It wouldve been my due date on this coming Sat so feeling very emotional about it all and can't believe its another christmas without a baby, toddler or pg - the fourth since starting ttc and its getting harder. I'm going to try to catch up with everyone.

*Laurah1982* Welcome you've come to the right place, dip in and out whenever you want and rant away. The girls on here are lovely and pretty much been through it all so always with good advice as well. You'll realise you are not mad , alone or losing the plot by being on this thread. 

*Essie* One of the reasons I took redundancy all those years ago was due to ttc clearly I'm still ttc but have never gone back to a full time job as its too stressful and I've realised being a high flying career woman was not all that fulfilling in the end - although the money was v nice - lol. Better to be relaxed and stress free its the one thing all clinics ask whether nhs or private ' are you stressed' so give yourself a fighting chance.

*nosilab* don't you just hate the announcements cue a false smile plastered on the face when really you want to get a dart and throw it at their picture especially when they say 'yes we were trying for ages never thought it'd happen' 'oh how long' ' three months but it was so hard so I know how you feel' cue me inside my head 'no you  don't' . Although I don't begrudge women in our situation it gives me hope  and increases my pma.

*tilnutt* Couldn't agree more with your sentiments I think it helps release some of the anguish and pain and sometimes you want to go ahead and defend anyone who hurts each other. Lets face we're more honest with each other than alot of people.

*debslovecats* its tough when you are surrounded by pg's and the typical complaints I just want to scream that I'd give anything to be in your shoes but as my family keep telling me you can't stop the world from going on just because its hurting you. Which is true but I'm sick of telling me 'no I can't have children' then get the inevitable pity looks - you know the ones. Better they've gone so its not in your face hun. We have to hope that one day we will get our dream one way or another. We certainly deserve it after all the  we have to deal with..

Hello to everyone else sorry for no more personals but I've got a tearaway puppy to see to. I swear he is preparing me for a toddler in a couple of years...

love and hugs to all and I promise to be a better ff threader..xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Hi *Laura*, I know how you feel, my DH isn't fussed one way or the other re having children (in fact he'd rather not have them) bu like you it's much harder for me to deal with. My DH also thinks that all the treatment is just making me/the situation worse, and if he had his choice we'd stop tx right now and try and get back to how we used to be before ttc/IF took over. Which to some extent I agree with but I don't feel quite ready to give up just yet. We don't really have the money for further cycles either, and it's a real struggle having those conversations with my DH, I dread them!  This is a really great friendly supportive thread, I hope you find some comfort in it 

*Tilnutt*, yes it's so draining isn't it, with one announcement after another. Not sure if/when we'll be cycling next. Still putting off having that 'difficult' conversation with DH. I'd like to cycle again in the new year though  . My counsellor suggested leaving the 'chat' until after Christmas so I think that's what I'm going to do.

*Wombat*, thank you very much lovely   you almost made me cry then (in a good way!). You've been amazing and thank you for the virtual cake and hugs xxx

*Vickytick*, we all need to hibernate sometimes, so don't feel bad - it's self preservation  I love the sound of your puppy! So cute! I'm sure you have a few choice words for him sometimes though  Yes I absolutely hate having to plaster on the false smile! You really just want to be able to be totally honest and say how it really makes you feel - like someone has just ripped your heart out and stamped on it, but no, cue the 'happy smile' and "congratulations". It was slightly different this time as my nephew was very sensitive about it all, bless him. But it's still hard, and still does feel relentless!

Ok ladies, must dash, off out this eve. Will catch up again later xxx

PS haven't got time to proof read so apols for any typos


----------



## princesspink96

Evening ladies  

Vickytick I have moments when I want to go and live in the cupboard under my stairs and become a hermit rather than hear another pg announcement.  Lets stay positive, one day it will be us  

Sorry for short message, just spent ages doing a long one and its blinking vanished  . Damn newfangled technology  

Sending   to everyone xx


----------



## shelleysugar

Laurah1982 - I can sympathise with your situation and as Tilnutt said maybe a counselling session would do you both good.  I can see that you've been TTC for 5 years but you are still relatively young so there is plenty of time to save up some money and give IVF another go, if you feel up to it.  Your partner might be saying he doesn't mind to protect your feelings etc so being honest with each other about what you both really want would certainly be a good idea.  Dealing with IF is such a hard thing so sending you lots of   

hi to everyone else x


----------



## EssieJean

Hi Lovely Ladies  sorry for lack of personals here but, as before, I'm sneakily typing at work, but wanted to respond as this thread moves so fast! 

*Princesspink*, *Nosilab*, *Tilnutt*, *Wombat * and *Vickytick * - thank you all (and anyone i havent mentioned) for your supporting responses. I havent heard anything yet unfortunately. the Partners meeting was at 4pm yesterday and the lady who said she'd get back to me has gone for the weekend and hasnt been in today!  So, i'm waiting to pounce on someone else who was in the meeting to see if he knows whether i have got my hours or not  On a brighter note, i rung Care Manchester just to touch base as we're still waiting for one test before we can proceed - and they've said that i'm to expect a call next Tuesday or Wednesday!! Can't believe i'm finally going to be able to start cycling again. Nervous as hell obviously but hopefully i'll be able to cut my hours and that'll relax me for sure.

Hope everyone is okay and hello to everyone i havent had time to mention  

Oh someone coming i think
Oh gotta ask, is anyone else getting these pesky "you've won a prize" on the FF website?? They're annoying the hell of out me as i can never get rid!  

Gotta go
 
Essie x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Essie*

Fab news about the call  lets hope you get some good news re your hours early next week then! Just wanted to say quickly that yes, I do keep getting those annoying 'you've won a prize' pop up messages 

xx


----------



## Need1Miracle

FF,

I got that bloody BFN yesterday, tested a day early. I've never seen so many tears coming from one person. I can't stand being around anyone with kids at the moment. Feel like a part of me had died. 

Thanks for reading, i only have one friend that knows about the treatment, so not much people to vent to. 
Sarah


----------



## deblovescats

hi to nosi, essie and princess and anyone else! 
so sorry sarah - I'm joining you today. I POAS 2 days early and got BFN, POAS again today OTD - afraid it was a BFN still! i'm not surprised, i expected it. This cycle, like last time, i haven't had any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever, no implantation bleeding or cramps. strangely, i'm not emotional today, i feel detached really. I have to ring the clinic on monday, but think i'm going to ask for feedback by phone or email. I trailed off to darlington last time, had to take the afternoon off work for review appt to be in for 5 minutes in total. The consultant just said there was no reason it hadn't worked, it was just the statistics and bad luck. The embie was fine, my lining was fine. i had mentioned i had had a chest infection and been in contact with a client with whooping cough, but he said this would not have had an effect. I'm just wondering why it happned then.
yesterday i was on a psychology training course for work - about dealing with change, and we looked at a transitional analysis chart which shows where you are on a curve in relation to eg a bereavement et. Of course the trainer had to give an example of a pregnant woman, didn't he? and how after elation, there may be anxieties and he assumed everyone there had had kids! why? i managed to suppress how emotional i was feeling. 
i'm glad i can have a little rant on here - you guys so understnad and keep my sane! 
i'm sick of hearing stories about children at work, and pregnancy sagas! 
anyway, i'd already made teh decision to go with another clinic - i' ve been looking into care at sheffield or manchester, but am veering towards serum in athens. I've seen really positive posts about it and like the individual approach, and the fact that they consider reasons why a cycle has failed. I feel quite positive really. 
I've decided to have a break till jan and go ahead then. I've got a few treats lined up first - off to see the ballet next weekend, then 'Oliver' the weekend after, starring neil morrissey. Then early december, I'm going on holiday to capetown with my sister. then i'll feel happy to go ahead.
to top it all, yesterday evening, i spent in A+E with my mother - she had a swollen, painful leg, so her GP sent us to A+E. Thankfully it was not a DVT as suspected, was an exacerbation of her arthritis. We were there three and a half hours.
DO appreciate you girls
Deb


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## shelleysugar

So sorry to read your news deblovescats and Sarah     

This journey doesn't get any easier does it!

I'm just getting ready to watch Strictly in front of our lovely fire and a bottle of red wine!  heaven!

Happy Saturdays everyone.

xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Sarah K* - sorry you've found yourself on this thread, but it is the best place to be for support and comfort, as i've found. I totally know where you're coming from, i never realised my eyes could produce so many tears when we got our bfn, but like i said, this thread was my lifeline and owe my faceless friends (FF) huge gratitude for keeping me sane through some difficult times. We can all relate the children/pregnancies as you will see in previous posts so if you need to rant away - there'll always be someone on here to give you support or rant with you  

Aw *Debs * - i'm so gutted for you  I just hate it when they say there's no real reason  All I wanted last time was for there to be a _reason_. How typical is that about your training - it's almost as if we're radar-like - i swear i don't remember any such situations or so many babies and pregnancies before FF  To suppress your emotions like that just shows how strong you are, but you don't have to be at home, behind close doors. i know you feel detached at the moment, but you still need to take care and look after yourself. We're at Care Manchester and i can't fault them, though God forbid we get another bfn we may also consider Athens.

Sounds like you've got lots to look foward to as well...I hope your mum is on the mend. Take care 

Hello to everyone 

Essie x


----------



## princesspink96

Aww sarahk I'm so sorry, sending you a big virtual hug   it feels like you're heart breaks in two getting that bfn........but we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down and keep going.  You can do it xx

Debs I'm expecting to hear the same at my follow up 'no real reason'.  It's frustrating because if you had a reason you could fix it. Essiejean is right, behind closed doors you can let your emotions go.  There's a lot to be said for a good old howl sometimes.

A big hello to everyone else, how are you all doing?


----------



## Nosilab

*Sarah*, so sorry to read about your BFN  It's such a heartbreaking time. It can feel unbearable being around pregnant women and babies can't it, it all seems so unfair. Let the tears flow, let it all out and come on here and rant/cry/chat, whatever you need 

*Deb*, sending you big big hugs   I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, I was holding out all hope for you. I think it makes it so much harder when there appears to be no real reason (or so they say!). I'm really pleased that you have a new plan though, that's great news, and it's brilliant that you have all those fun things lined up to look forward to, especially the holiday to Capetown! Hope you're mum is feeling better?

*Shelleysugar*, Strictly and red wine - the perfect combo 

Big hello to all the other lovely ladies


----------



## cornishgirl

Hiya

I wonder if I could join you ladies?  I'm not sure where I "belong" at the moment in terms of the boards, but thought this was a good place to start.  We were hoping we would be starting our 2nd and final attempt at IVF early next year but have now got to see the consultant in December before we can take it any further.  We are using a satellite clinic as we are live quite a way from the nearest IVF hospital and we are not really sure why he wants to see us as it feels like everything goes through a 3rd party and we don't get all the info. 

Just really struggling at the moment as don't really have anyone else I can talk to about it as I fell out big time with my best friend during my first round of IVF and would prefer not to involve everyone again this time.  However it makes things really hard and am keen to talk to ladies like yourselves who understand how it all feels.  

Hope its ok to join?

CG


----------



## EssieJean

Hello and welcome *Cornishgirl * - of course you can join  Its a terrible emotional journey we're on where all you seem to do is wait wait wait, and its perfectly normal to feel in limbo, but this is a good place to start as there's lots of supportive ladies on here who are going through the same emotions. anytime you want to rant/talk/vent your frustrations there'll always been someone on here.

Take care
Essie x


----------



## Vickytick

*cornishgirl* to reiterate what Essie has already said this thread is a great one and I'm not biased  it's a tough process and doesn't get easier but rant ahead lovely as we are all here for you. Xx

*shelleysugar* a girl after my own heart red wine, trash tv and chocolate makes the world seem better...

*sarahk* sorry to hear of your bfn it's horrible it's natural to feel like a part of you has died. I feel like vid changed so much since ttc and am so bitter and twisted against pg people or those with babies. It's not nice but we are all here for you 

*debslovecats* sorry to hear about your bfn as well I can understand the need to have a reason for bfn a it makes it easier to handle but sometimes there isn't on which is quite frankly  the treats sound good especially the trip to SA well jel. I should start jan/ feb so we might be starting at the same time.

I had that dreaded night out with 3 women who've recently given birth and had to endure their stories on my due date to add to the pain. So it was a tough day as it was but luckily dh let us leave after we had done the social rounds...came home to Tia Maria and vintage MTV 

Hope all are well xxx


----------



## shelleysugar

welcome to the gang *cornishgirl,* you're definitely in the right place here 

*Vickytick* - i'm pleased you managed to survive what could be seen as a night out from hell!! A swift drink back at home must have been a good reward for doing your bit! I've been in a very similar situation recently and although I'm so pleased for everyone, I have very bad bouts of 'why not me!' or 'when is it going to be my turn?'. I think I'm morphing into a desperate lady - oh dear! Will keep drinking the mulled wine!

To all BFN ladies   

xx


----------



## Nosilab

*Cornishgirl*, welcome to this lovely thread, it's so supportive and everyone is lovely. So sorry to hear that you had a big falling out with your best friend, times like this are so hard aren't they  Did your clinic give any indication why they want to see you in December?

*Essie*, how are you feeling at the mo? Can't be long to go now until you start tx?! 

*Vickytick*, O.M.G!!! How on earth did you cope with that night out!?!? I take my hat off to you for  going along and being there - I'm not sure I could have done the same. You very much deserved that Tia Maria (yum!) afterwards.

Hi to everyone else, and to any newbies reading  xx


----------



## orlando08

hi Everyone,

well I haven't I missed a lot in a week!

The Lake District was lovely, we just relaxed had a couple of long lunches and dinners, guest house was great shame it was raining!

A big hello to the new girls, this is definitely the place to be to help pick yourself up  

Vickytick - good on you, I think I would have made an excuse not to go 

Sarahk and debslove cats - I am so sorry to hear of your BFN's, it is so gut renchingly awful.

EssieJean - good for you, you need to try anything you can for this to work.

I am sorry, I know I have missed people, I will catch up soon, so much is happening on this board.

Big hugs and   to everyone I have missed.

oh - nearly forgot! - can someone tell me where my AF is?  they said about 7 days after my chemical bleed I would have AF, that was about 3 weeks ago, the clinic said it would just be because my system is out of sync, but I think I had AF at the same time of chemical bleed - has this happened to anyone else? I was hoping to have started another cycle by now, but need to wait for the witch 


xx


----------



## Laurah1982

Thank you for your reassuring comments it means a lot. Glad to know I'm not the only bonkers one here


----------



## cornishgirl

Hiya
Thanks for the warm welcome everyone.  

Nosilab - No, the consultant at the satellite clinic said the consultant may be ok to go straight to ICSI again as we know the sperm were previousy ok, but he may want to do a "trial run" and freeze them, but now we have this appointment so I don't know what is to be gained by meeting him in person, I just hope it isn't bad news.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see.  

Hope everyone else is having a good week, I've been off work with the horrid cold thing that's going round at the moment, hope to go back tomorrow though.  

CG x


----------



## princesspink96

Hi everyone. Robandm beat me to it, I was going to also ask when AF should appear after a failed cycle?


----------



## Finky1983

Hi ladies, do u mind if I join.

I had my first failed icsi last month with my test date being 29thoct. I started bleeding day 9 after ET and was so distraught, I was a mess. I am now of course waiting to hear when my next course will start which is apparently around Feb, but I am really not coping well. I am fine for a few days and then I see my sister in laws baby or someone else's on ** and then I a mess again. My DH has been great but I can't help thinking if I was with someone else would it happen normally and then I feel pure evil for thinking it as I couldn't imagine being with anyone but my DH, but I want it so badly as you all know. at first when I found out it was a BFN I really didn't want to go through it again as I was such a mess that I thought I don't know emotionally if I cn but I know if I don't try I might not have that chance of it being a BFP, but then that worrying me that won't happen either. My head is just messed up at the moment and I all I can think about is my sister in law comes home in jan with her new baby as she lives in equador and how I really don't want to see them, as would be too upsetting and I know how happy of course my DH family will be. He doesn't know how I can not be happy for her, bt I really can't, I think maybe cos she is younger and just got pregnant from the drop of a hat. 

Any how's sorry for the downer xxx


----------



## orlando08

hi Princess Pink - I thought the nurse said it should be here about 7-10days after BFN but I am still waiting, I suppose our systems are messed up right now so god knows! I just want to get started again  

Welcome Finky, so sorry to hear of your BFN, your honestly not being horrid, it's just normal to go through this stage, it's just your way of keeping your sanity and getting over it.  I had to everyone not to bring the subject up, I said when I was ready I would begin to talk about it.  It's hard on the poor DH's they feel really bad too, they dont want to go through this and want to make it better.  You will get positive again, it will just take a little bit  

Cornishgirl - Hi, you have so come to the right place!  Hopefully they will just want to be able to meet you and have a proper chat about what has been going on, it must be hard going through a satelite clinic. I hope you and your friend can get over this, you really need a best friend at times like these, tho its hard if they dont really understand what you are going through... that is what we are here for definitely  

hope everyone else is doing ok today? is it just me or a long week already.. xx


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## Minidaisy

Hi Finky,

I am so sorry we both ended up here after being on the 2ww thread for October together.  My OTD was the 31st of October and I feel exactly the same as you.  Unfortunately its babies and pregnancy everywhere for me at the moment.  My brother has just had a lovely baby boy and I am so pleased for him but its heart breaking for me too.  I also saw an old neighbour the other day who is also pregnant now after she had been trying to conceive for years also.  Instead of feeling happy for her that after all her waiting it has finally happended for her I was jealous and could only think why not me....I felt so bad afterwards for thinking like that but I guess its only natural and it helps to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.  

Where are you having your treatment? I will prob be trying again in February too x

Hello and lots of love to everyone else too  xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi ladies - i've been lying a bit low as i needed to come to terms with the outcome, but feeling much more positive now! 
welcome to cornishgirl - the guys on here are great, very supportive ( I know I'm biased!)
thanks nosi, princess, essie, vicky ... and any one else i haven't mentioned! 
i have been in contact with the clinic serum in athens recommended by quite a few - completed the questionnaire and i feel heaps more positive from the feedback and have decided to make an appointment to see them in jan, i have some great things planned for nov/dec and flights are mega pricey dec/early jan! the feedback was that the chest infection i had might not have helped (despite asking at the clinic if it was ok to go ahead!) and they feel that the donor egg might have been a factor as out of 8 (egg share) 6 fertilized but only 2 developed to blast! she said these weren't great results so maybe it's not my fault as my lining was good. although i have concerns about anonymity issue in athens for donor eggs, they don't do egg share, so more available and they would implant two at least to give a better chance of implantation. As the donor was having IVF perhaps her fertility problems had an impact? I don't know really, just wondering. ...
so i'll be joining you cooljules! 
i'm hoping that i might get a better outcome and thought by waiting until jan, i've time to work out my finances, recharge my batteries and get the new year off to a fresh start
i really feel for all you ladies with pregnant contacts - i'm with you all the way, it just seems people can't be more insensitive if they tried
today a colleague was implying that in our job those who are mothers are more able to empathise with eg. mums unable to breastfeed than if you don't have kids! can't believe insensitivity, when challenged she had to say i am fantastic at my job and totally empathise!!!! 
Deb


----------



## yogabunny

hello, i'm looking for a board while i am not doing treatment... just wanted to say hi, and send some love to those of you feeling a bit low,     it's a crazy journey isn;t it, and i know i may only be at the beginning of it. 

my ET was cancelled, i'm waiting for consultation on Tuesday next week, the nurses think it will be FET in January. Knocked for six by OHSS, lots of time in bed, and going back and forth to the hospital, i have to fight becoming a hyperchondriac after that experience (how do you spell that?). 

I need to pick myself up and get back into my life this week, i never thought it would take over so much!

I am wandering what to do this christmas, usually we go back to where we grew up and everyone has kids. i'm not sure i want to deal with it, especially while i am waiting for a new cycle. trying to persuade DH that we need to go and see his dad in USA, we need a bit of a cash injection for that though!! but be great to have something else to look forward to and some new scenery. i think i wil start googling for offers!

lots of   and


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## Vickytick

Welcome yogabunny you've come to the right place it's a fab thread with lovely ladies for chat or rant. Xx


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## Nosilab

Morning everyone

Welcome *yogabunny*, this is a great thread full of lovely ladies, we'll try and help to keep you sane between now and your FET 

So sorry to hear you've had a bit of a rough time with OHSS, how are you feeling now? Hope you're on the mend. IF really does take over doesn't it, you don't realise in the beginning just how consuming it can become. Just take things easy and do things in your own time.

Christmas is a tricky one for me too - long story but I'm dreading it! Sounds to me like you would really benefit from a trip away to the USA at Christmas, it might not be a good idea to be around lots of babies and children  I reckon you should start the Googling and see what offers are out there! 

*Deb*, brill news that you've been in contact with Serum to plan your next step. That must make you feel a bit better, knowing what you're new plan is? I can't believe how insensitive your colleague was for saying that to you!  At least she back-tracked though!

Welcome *Finky*, rest assured that the way you're feeling and reacting is perfectly normal given the circumstances, we've all experienced that. And although that doesn't make things better for you I hope it reassures you that you are not alone in how you are feeling. You just need to be gentle on yourself and give yourself some time to grieve and try and come to terms with what's happened. It's a rough ol' journey but we're here to help support you  I really feel for you re your sister in law, it's so so hard xx

Big hello to everyone  xx


----------



## Finky1983

Thank you ladies for your kind words it really does help knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way. 
I had another dream last I was pregnant that's the 2nd this week. I dreamt I was going into labour and my DH was running around getting my bag ready, it was so real but then I woke and realised it wasn't real, my DH is always there to hug me and say sorry and put my mind and rest but it starts bringing back feelings of anger and upset. The dream I had before that I actually made it to the hospital, I this does happen one day.

*minidaisy* sorry to hear your BFN was around the same time as mind, I am waiting for my letter to come through to say when I start but they said around feb, it is barts hospital London?? Where are you?

Hope everyone else is doing well as they can, welcome to the other newbies xxx


----------



## wales06

Hi ladies sorry i've not been on for a while  

After my last failed tx it took a month to get my next af after the chemical bleed and she was a right witch,  then about two months for them to settle back down.

Sorry for you ladies that have just had your bfn's.  

Im looking to go away for new year poss to the states but it's all sooo expensive any one know any good cheap sites  

I have been on the phone this morning sorting out some councilling sessions.  I have done this off my own back because my planning appt should have been on the 13 nov (now cancelled till 15 jan) and i was getting so worked up and anxious.  
Is everyone else the same, i think because we have so long to think about it you worry about everything.  The worst is my dh is self employed he has loads of work at the mo but you never know when that will change, also how i'll manage if its works (endometriosis) and how i will cope if it doesn't (end of the road).
OOoo this is so hard i often wonder what i've done to deserve it, but i guess we are just unfortunate but fortunate enough to have loving and supportive partners and friends


----------



## dingle123

Hello,

Hoping this is the right place for me at the moment....

I recently had a round of IVF which resulted in a BFP. Sadly we miscarried this week @ almost 9 weeks but according to the scan I had on Tuesday, the baby had stopped growing around the 7w mark. Very sad but focused on trying again. We had two morulas put back and initially my hcg level were quite low on OTD so it obviously wasn't meant to be. Have a follow up with the consultant next Wed and I'm hoping we can start again in January.

Laura xxx


----------



## yogabunny

hello ladies

wales - i think really good idea to sort out counseller, i think it will help you so much, this is all still flying round our heads all the time, be good to talk it through with someone who is not involved - build your PMA up for January..please remember you haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this, and you deserve to be happy xxx...... i'm trying to find a bargain for the states too, its such an expensive time to go anywhere, but i'm willing to fly on xmas day for a bargain! will let you know if i find anything  

Nosilab - thanks for the welcome, i feel better now from the OHSS, it took a while and then I got a wee infection (yow!) and was starting to feel like my body falling apart! Christmas is a tough one isn't it. i wish we could all go to the carribean!

Vickytick - thanks for the welcome, i def need somewhere to rant/ chat !! so i'll say sorry now for long rants/ chats

debs - great you've got a plan, i've seen a few people on this forum talking about athens clinic, sounds like they've impressed you already - let us know how you get on 

finky  and minidaisy-        

Laura - our posts crossed, so have just read yours - so sorry to hear your news my eyes are full of tears. your emotions must have been so up and then so down. Admire your courage to look forward. i think here is the right place for you. 

love to everyone else, hope you are doing ok today  

afm - today is a better day, it's such a relief not to be in pain, and also think the hormones are leaving my body, feel more normal. i've put some effort into getting some work this morning, I'm freelancing and I have said no to anything remotely stressful in the last 2 months, everything seemed stressful so now that means i am a bit broke!! i think in my brain i had just put enough time aside for a cycle with a positive result, job done......life's not really that simple or kind is it...i like to think that this is so i really appreciate a family when it comes, and it does make e enjoy my nephew and niece very very much........well i might get busy with some ebaying to boost the money situation   Watch out DH I love to clear out his clutter!


----------



## wales06

Yogabunny let me know chick if you get a bargain, i've got to go into work for the 2 days inbetween xmas and newyear but got two wks off then xxx

I love spending time with my niece i think she's so special, im secretly hoping that when the new one comes in a few days they will let me have her abit more, as they are quite clingy with her


----------



## yogabunny

I will let you know *wales*,  so far Virgin have some cheaper flights, 500 to NYC, you have to go after 25th December, and search out the lower cost ones, but that might work for you.
That might happen with your niece, I know when my sis had her last one it made them realise that they were babying the first one. I'm very lucky though they are very generous and open with their kids, and I find it total therapy, but i do live far away from them so i guess it's a novelty for all of us.

I'm just watching Kirsty's vintage whatever it is called, until DH comes in and turns it over! Have a good night and sleep well everyone xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Oh Laura I'm so sorry  

Yogabunny, Caribbean sounds like a fab idea, lets all go!

Wales, counselling sounds like a good idea if you feel you need it, talking things through will help you work through it. You're right all the waiting around does make me feel anxious too, it feels like nothing is happening  

Hi to everyone else and hope you're all doing ok xx


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## Nosilab

Hi *Finky*, vivid dreams like that are really weird aren't they, you wake up feeling all disorientated as they've felt so real!

*Wales*, really great that you've booked some counselling sessions, I think you'll find them really helpful. Yes I deffo feel the same, as you say, we all have too much thinking time sometimes and too much time waiting and wondering and it can send us a bit  So the counselling sessions will help to get it all out. As you say though, it's sooooo hard worrying about all the 'what ifs' 

*Dingle*, I'm so so sorry to see your BFN  Hope your follow up appt next week gives you the answers you're looking for.

*Yogabunny*, sooo pleased to hear that you're feeling better after your OHSS. Absolute nightmare about the wee infection straight after! Glad to hear you're on the mend though. Oh no, gutted I missed the Kirsty programe, was going to record it but forgot! Yes Christmas is a really tough one, so YES PLEASE to the Carribean  Lets all get packing.....

Big hello to everyone else


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies how are we all?

*yogabunny*its hard when you are trying to deal with a bfn as everyone around you thinks you should accept and move on then you have to motivate yourself but you feel like it will never happen and just want to bury your head. Working is a good distraction. 

*wales06* I love spending time with my nieces but they live abroad now so I don't see them very much. I think having children in my life would help. I have a ss but he has aspergers (just diagnosed) so is very standoffish emotionally which is hard sometimes. It helps to find an outlet for all our maternal love. Definitely think the older one will need you and they will be grateful for your help.

*dingle123* it's so hard getting that longed for bfp then have it taken away it seems so cruel and makes you scared to try again. Huge hugs . Hope Wed brings some comfort.

Hi to everyone else. After nearly 6 months waiting I'm hoping Barts will let me start in Jan or Feb for my final go then its onto adoption for us. Xx


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## Finky1983

Hi ladies,  hope everyone is ok. I know how you feel would love to get away to at the mo on a lovely sunny holiday, had work last night and I teach children to dance. One of the mums had her 5wk little girl there and one of the other teachers asked me why don't I have a baby? It was like someone stabbed me. It is the first time I have had that question since BfN, my DH happy keeps reminding me it has only been 2 n a bit weeks so I have every right to be upset. Still hurts though hey!

Vickytick, I am also at barts, waiting to hear if I can go back in feb too, hopefully see you there x


----------



## set55

hi ladies
just checking in.  supposed to have my review app today but clinic phoned tues and canx it.  It is now Dec 4th frustrating.  was offered next week but dh is away with work.  annoyed that it has had to be moved and now i have to wait another 3 weeks from a cycle that ended beg oct but don't really hold out that it will offer any answers.
 to all


----------



## Nosilab

*Finky*  that must've been just awful for you. As you say, a real stab to the heart. If only they knew eh! xx

*Set55*, really sorry to hear that your review appt got cancelled  hopping that the next few weeks whizz by for you xx

Hi to all, and hope you all have a lovely weekend  xx


----------



## wales06

Morning ladies  

Trying for a positive day today,  got xmas songs on vh1 and my tree is out of the attic.  I've not bothered to put one up for the last two years.  Feeling a little bit more like it this year, don't know whats different should be worse really  
Off shopping with my mum this afternoon so i expect the mood will change  

I find it hard to do personals because there's quite a few of us and my short term memory is awful so please dont think im being rude, but i will got there.

Have a great weekend everyone xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,

Can I join you please?
Just had my 4th BFN this week  

Really don't know what to do. As you can see we had 1st ICSI BFN followed by 2 lots of FET with 2 BFN. Our recent ICSI resulted in 2 blasts with no frosties and a BFN. 

I need some advice from you lovely lot as you all seem so positive and I'm feeling so negative.
Someone has mentioned immune treatment but I don't know much about it or who offers it. Not sure if we should change our clinic? What other options are there. Am I missing something?

Any advice would be great as I'm   thinking I've missed something. We can't afford to keep going and going.

I need help!!!!!

Thanks x


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome *Mogster*

I'm really sad to see your BFN  and the really tough journey you've had so far 

I really don't know very much about the immunes tests as I've not had them done or looked into it, but I know a lot of the ladies on here have so I'm hoping one of them will be able to give you some good advice. The only thing I've read about (on here) is about Penny at Serum. I've heard nothing but amazing things about her and her clinic. Is treatment abroad something you might consider? The is a great info page on Serum on here, might be worth a read?

Sending hugs  xx

*Wales*, Christmas tree and music already  Good on you though, glad you're feeling a bit more positive this year  Enjoy shopping, you can't beat a bit of retail therapy!


----------



## yogabunny

hello mogster,

  sorry to hear your news, I remember you from the November cycle thread, and was hoping this was going to be the one for you  

I feel like a bit of a fraud here as I didn;t get the dreaded BFN but I do have to move forward from failed cycle. I have already been worrying that we don;t yet know if there are other issues such as immunity, we didn't make it to ET, and we have already "wasted" a fresh cycle by me being OHSSed. Also when I was much younger, pre-blocked tubes, I had a "chemical pregnancy" so I have worries at the back of my mind for the next steps.

So I have started reading about immunity and had a look at the Zita West website. They say that immunity is still a controversial issue whether it affects IVF but many people have success:

http://www.zitawest.com/assisted-fertility/assisted-fertility-consultations/our-assisted-fertility-programme/reproductive-immunology/

they also have this page

http://www.zitawest.com/assisted-fertility/assisted-fertility-consultations/two-or-more-unsuccessful-ivf-cycles/


----------



## cornishgirl

Good evening ladies 

Yogabunny – Sorry to hear about your OHSS, although hopefully it will be the best thing to let everything settle down before your transfer.  Any ideas when you might be able to have the FET?

Mogster – sounds like things are really tough at the mo, sorry I can’t help with any info on the immune side.  Hope you get some answers soon.  

Wales06 – all sounds very Christmassy.  Glad you are getting into it all a bit more this year.  

Set55 – what a shame your appointment got cancelled, 

Finky1983 – its upsetting isn’t it, you just want to say something back but know you can’t! 

Vickytick – hope you get the go ahead for a Feb cycle

AFM, we had some good news yesterday, DH had his SA results and he has 18 million (last 2 results were 0), only 1% normal but this is still the best result yet.  I really do believe it was the anti-depressants that did this to his results although the doctors denied they could affect him so much.  DH rang for the results so didn’t ask more more questions (!) so I’ll ring on Monday to see if we can cancel the appointment about PESA in December.  I’m hoping we can just go ahead with IVF/ICSI as last time but will have to see what the consultant says next week.  I know we’ll still need IVF etc but things don’t feel as bad as they did a couple of days ago.  


Hope everyone is having a good weekend


----------



## shelleysugar

I can't keep up with everyone on here but hello all  

I just wanted to say to anyone feeling low and negative that the age old saying 'time is a great healer' is very true.  I felt so bad when I got my BFN on my IVF cycle, following BFN's on my IUI cycles.  I still have my moments but I am thankful for what I've got, and truly believe that we will get our dream eventually.  You do have to dust yourself down and pick yourself up.  We're planning a fun filled Christmas and then back to tx in the new year.  Having things to look forward to certainly helps - a holiday in the sun sounds like just the ticket!!

I work with children so I know exactly how you feel Finky.  I was talking to our Reception recently and said 'I have a present' and someone behind me thought I'd said 'I'm pregnant' and they all had a good laugh about it when they realised their mistake.  They didn't notice me taking myself away from the situation and not joining in the hilarity!  They didn't know they had seriously put their foot in it, but it doesn't make you feel good that's for sure.

Wales - well done for getting into the Christmas spirit early.  We have started nativity practise at school, so the Christmas season has definitely arrived.  

Shelleysugar x


----------



## Mogster

Hi all

Yogabunny I heard about Zita and looked her up. It is all so confusing. I remember you from the other page as well. You are in the same situation as me. Between treatments. I had FET after my first ICSI cycle and they we so much smoother than fresh. Although you still have some drugs it's not as bad. Take time and recover before going for it. I've ordered Zita book and CD. Found the book cheaper on amazon! 

Shelleysugar I also work with children and on a daily basis see pregnant woman who can't cope or look after the children they have let alone the one on the way and it makes me so mad. One mother is expecting her 7th!!! Hardly anyone at work knows what I'm going through so they are always going on about their kids and moaning. I want to scream at them to be thankful for what they have. Mind you a couple know but they still make comments without thinking. It is so hard at times. 

Nosilab we haven't considered treatment abroad. I'm a teacher so would find it hard to take time off. Don't have the most understanding of bosses either. To be fair time off causes me the most stress throughout all of my previous cycles. 

Cornishgirl thanks and good news about your DH  

AFM I've spent most of today researching clinics in London and Kent and contacting acupuncturists and I'm not completely sure what I have found out. Think we are def going to have another go in new year but not sure where.

Take care everyone and enjoy rest of the weekend


----------



## wales06

Cornish girl congratulations on the great news,  lets hope you get started asap now and have a successful cycle xxx


----------



## deblovescats

i'm so with you shelley and mogster! people can be so insensitive! i work with families with chilldren, including those who don't deserve them and it can be gut wrenching to be supporting them! i'm also hyper sensitive to the conversation of my colleagues (all of who m have kids) and are always moaning about them! i'd so love to be in their position, and i'm sick of being supportive to them.
i was on a training course on fri so thankfully i missed the visit of a colleague on maternity leave, who brought her baby into see everyone! 
i'm trying to feel more positive, have been to the ballet with a friend and sister so great culture
off to 'oliver' next week.
now going to try serum in the new year, sent off blood test for testing
Deb


----------



## yogabunny

deb - i am loving the idea of a bit of culture. went to see "some like it hip hop" during my last cycle. it was the first time in days i had been properly distracted, so i think i might ask for something like that for my birthday which is quite soon. Def need things to look forward to that are not related.
Well done that you've got the blood tests off already.

mogster - i know, it is confusing, there is too much information!! there is a whole section on here on immunity. i am thinking about things that might not even be a problem yet, which is probably a bit  .  Good work with the amazon find.  

Wales - i am going to try and take a leaf out of your book and get into christmas spirit, i do love it when i get into it, maybe i need to get an early tree too, also i saw cath kidston have some cute happy christmas mugs!

cornishgirl - great news about your DH, be interesting to hear what they say when you call them on Monday. My Dh never asks questions! I am always there with a list!!!  

shelleysugar - I am loving your PMA  

finky, nosilab, princess pink, vickytick -      

set55 - its all such a waiting game, be strong, hopefully its a busy time of year and 3 weeks will fly  

dingle - hope you are feeling a bit better.    

hope i haven't missed anyone, is not intentional  

afm - Just cooking a late roast dinner, yum yum....i went out on friday and drank several glasses of wine and danced around (which was a bit sore) but definitely made me feel a bit better! Felt guilty about the alcohol in the morning! have my appointment on tuesday, i'm sure there are some others too on this thread who have an appt same time -  so good luck to all of us    . I have AF today, OMG it is a nasty one and I have cried about 5 times so far and one row with DH. Also my warped mind just keeps thinking what a waste of a lovely lining!! what is this process doing to me!!?? .


----------



## Spenno

Hi all, 

First time on here and first BFN today. 

I was wondering if anyone has had a detox between cycles and if this is a good idea or not? I'm feeling really run down after my first ICSI cycle so want to do what I can to help for next time. 

Great to have found this thread with lots of lovely supportive ladies on it   x


----------



## set55

Mogster

As a yogabunny said there is a whole section on immunes on here.  Someone on there agtate (or something like that) is a mind of information on it.  
I can only speak from my experiences.  There are two lots of tests level 1 and 2 (level 2 is sometimes called the Chicago tests or full immunes) Not all clinics recognise immune issues and there is evidence both for and against the tests.  I have had most of the level 1 tests done via my gp so u could try yours they may well do them all for free.  Mine refused to do some of them.  I sorry i don't have the list anymore of what level 1 test were but i'm sure you'll find it on here somewhere.  They are things like thyroid, liver function, thrombilia.  I then took them along when i had an app at my clinic but they are easy to interpret yourself as the results have the normal ranges on them. 
For me everything was normal.  I have acc during treatment and she really wants me to get level 2 tests done but i'm not keen and probably won't they cost about £1000 her view is that i need them to give me a better chance but i guess my view is its more money to be thrown away and i'd rather spend the money on treatment than tests.  
But this is just my view - have a read of the immunes section and the Zita west book (i have not looked at this) but u have to do what is right for u at the end of day. 
Hugs &


----------



## yogabunny

hi spenno, so sorry for your bad news, you've come to the right place.    
i'll be interested to hear what you find out from others -  have thought about detox, i've seen there is a retreat in sussex that does fertiity detox (mmm, feel like they are cashing in, but maybe i am too sceptical  )  but i think that at the moment my body has been through an ordeal and detox would be another one. So at mo, I plan to just try to keep up the high levels of water, healthy eating and supplements. I might consider having 3 days on salad and juices, at the minute though i need a bit more niceness than that to keep me happy!!!   xxx


----------



## Spenno

Thanks Yogabunny,

I emailed the place in Sussex you mentioned earlier today actually and have had the price list...looks about as  as the next set of drugs i'll have to take!! I will ask the docs when I see then next week but totally agree with you. I'm not sure I need another ordeal and chocolate biscuits are far more satisfying right now than carrot juice   xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Mogster* sorry to hear about your bfn. I've had the immunes and I'm falling into the sceptical camp now. I've had an IVF cycle with full immunes, got 2 blasts no frosties and it still failed. I've had immunes when I found out I was pg naturally and mc, I had immunes with superovulation and it failed. I've had 3 mc from natural pg so I can get pg and the immunes should help me stay pg but they aren't so I'm not sure about it all but it's cost me a fortune...I've now been referred to the mc clinic through the nhs and will stick with that now.

*spenno* sorry to hear about your bfn I can't offer any advice on detox as I've not done that but it sounds like a good idea.

*yogabunny* we had our roast dinner you can't beat it. Sorry to hear af is a nasty one I'm due in the next few days and am crying all the time. Ever since ttc back over 3 years ago I'm always crying.

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Crimsonrose

Hi everyone. Good to join you.. I have just failed my first IVF cycle and feel like my world has fallen apart, last night went out and had a few drinks which tbh didn't really help as I basically drank too much and felt rough, so then today to make matters worse ended up having some sort of minor break down, sat on the sofa crying and feeling as anxious as hell not knowing what to do, so phoned the clinic who said not to worry that its most likely hormones, I was trembling, it was awful, never felt like that before in my life!!!

So glad this website is here, its so good to talk to people who are going through same thing.

One of my close friends has just told me she is expecting, a week or two before I found out my IVF hadn't worked so basically she told me when I was in the middle of it, her timing I felt was so rubbish but its her life who am I to tell her what she can and can't do its just felt so you know when she told me!!!!

Not sure what plan is now, maybe a FET but got an appointment to see doc Tuesday so going to talk things through with him or her, my embryo's were frozen on day 6 so not sure on the quality, need to make a list of questions I need to ask so going to do that tomorrow when I'm feeling a little fresher!


----------



## Finky1983

Morning everyone,

I am starting to feel abit better at the moment even saw my sister in laws baby this morning on ** and didn't feel like I wanted to cry. 

Spenno, I am also not sure about detox, I was on a cleanse for about 5months before hand, as I had candida so I cut out sugar, dairy, alcohol all sorts. But I am actually eating what I want at the moment within reason, I feel I need that more at the moment. So I am gonna be back on it after Xmas.

Cornishgirl, yes you are right really wanted to say something but couldn't. Sometimes I wish people know so they wouldn't ask. Good luck with your consult this week. 

Shelleysugar, oh Hun that is awful. It is so hard isn't it, as you wanna tell people but then you feel like people should be naturally sensitive, but no fat chance there. It's hard working with children, not long after my DH told be he had a little boy come in his shop to have his hair cut and he put his arms out to my DH, he said he nearly broke down there and then but couldn't. I just hope we all get our little wish in then end xxx


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Crimson, 

Just a quick   you are not alone. I have had similar panic attack type thing for the first time ever during tx, it's quite scary. you've been through a lot and for me i think it is not just the ivf its the build up from lots of years ttc and feeling out of control. Hopefully the hormones are leaving our systems now!! i am drinking the water to try and flush out!! 

6 days sounds like well developed blasts so fingers crossed. my appt is tuesday too, so we can compare notes.


----------



## yogabunny

finky glad you're feeling a bit better


----------



## Crimsonrose

Yogabunny, thanks for your reply, yes it was scary but seem a bit better today, I don't think drinking helped.. Drinking water sounds good!!! Good luck at your appointment tomorrow and let us know how you get on.. I'm thinking about a FET also, sooner the better for me, I would do December if they'd allow me but I reckon it will be more January, I just want to get cracking, sitting around at home waiting does my head in xx


----------



## Spenno

Thanks Vickytick and Finky for the advice re detox. I think I may do something a bit less drastic myself and at home. The idea of 5 days away from friends isn't so appealing right now (even if all of them do have babies!) 

Crimsonrose, so sorry to hear of your BFN. I'm trying to avoid drinking as I know it will only make me feel more upset. Trying to drown myself in work instead. 

Do let us know what the docs say about starting again in December. I'm going to ask the same question when I see mine but I expect everyone will want a Christmas break. 

Xxx


----------



## set55

Vickytick - Can i ask did the immune tests u had find anything out and what treatment did u have with your cycle for it did this make the cycle alot more expensive?  Sorry i am curious but i'm with you on the scepticism (which i can't spell) about immunes


----------



## Nosilab

Afternoon ladies, how are you all?

Think a couple of you have appointments today? Hope it all goes well, keep us posted 

Hello and welcome *Spenno*, so sorry to see your BFN  I don't know anything about detox I'm afraid. Have you found out any more info on it? Do you think you'll give it a go?

Hello and welcome *Crimsonrose*, really sorry to see your BFN  It does feel like your world has just fallen apart doesn't it, it's such a heartbreaking time  I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but have you tried relaxation/meditation for your anxiety? I know when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed by things I stick my headphones on with some nice relaxing music and/or a meditation CD and just lay down and relax - before I know it I've usually dropped off to sleep (i.e feeling more relaxed  ). You might also find it helpful to read this book 'How to Master Anxiety' I found it really useful and it gives some great hints and tips on quick ways to relax - i.e. quick 5 min exercises on breathing etc. Oh, the whole 'pregnant friend' thing is a real nightmare, I'm experiencing the same at the mo and I'm really not coping well! Hope you manage to get through it all.

*Finky*, so pleased to hear you're feeling a bit better, and that the tears held off when seeing your SILs baby on ********, that's great progress 

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Thinking of you all and saying a big HELLO  xx


----------



## Vickytick

*crimsonrose* sorry to hear about your bfn but a near breakdown is as the others say the hormones etc coming out same thing happened after my second mc on Xmas day would you believe. I had to be sedated in the end. Take time out to think about it all. You got frosties which is good and they only freeze the best ones.

*set55* not really I was borderline for a couple of tests such as high killer cells. I have to take folic acid everyday as a result and vit d and omega 3. I have high prolactin which is why i wasnt ovulating i take drugs for that. Mainly been steriods which aren't that expensive but last cycle I had intralipids £300 and clexane as well which was over£100 for a month or so. It was all private prescription but asda are the cheapest.

Afm Barts called me today they want to start me ASAP as funding runs out when you are 40 and I'm 39 in feb. so good news. Xx


----------



## Crimsonrose

Hi everyone. Hope everyone ok and thanks for lovely messages. Saw registrar this afternoon and feeling slightly better.. We talked about a FET which she thinks I should go for next as it is part of our NHS funding, so thinking we will go for that, but going to give it a few days to all sink in, and to research, etc.. Have booked nurse consultation for Dec 31st, yes New Years Eve, lol, but can easily cancel it if we decide to do a fresh cycle instead but my gut feeling is to give FET a shot see if I can get any joy from it.. If we do go for it we will be starting next cycle probably around back end of January which feels like ages away, awww!! The waiting just does me in, I just want to get cracking, grrr, I am so so impatient its unreal, lol!!! One worries, apart from the one of it not working again, is with a FET we only have a 60% chance of the embryo's surviving the thaw, we only have two embryo's of a grade of 3b so I am quite worried its all going to go pear shaped at the end when it comes to the transfer, its not a short process either, the whole process takes up to 6weeks and requires down regging again, tablets, etc.. the only thing that's different to a fresh cycle is the fact that we won't be having as many injections, or a egg collection, anyone give me any advise, reassurance..? Writing about it here is starting to make the wheels turn again in my head, hmmmm, I really not sure what to do now.. and the odds of it working are less too, with it being a FET, ohhh help....

Vickytick, that must of been awful Xmas day of all days, oh my!! Don't blame you taking a break!! I admire your strength how you've managed to keep going despite everything that's happened, just been reading through your history underneath your post, you've not had it easy but keep going and never loose hope, its all we have.

Yogabunny, how did the appointment go today?

Nosilap, I am not really a meditation type of person, although I do like my music and had some with me while I was waiting for my EC which was nice!! I've heard a few girls on here of going to acupuncturists, don't know if I could cope with more needles tbh, saw enough during treatment!!! Enjoy a good walk, that helps me and me and hubby get good chance to talk when we walk as at home so many distractions, football, laptop, lol!!!


----------



## yogabunny

hello, 
quick me update as i should be sleeping! Saw consultant, felt like I was on a conveyer belt of patients, but maybe that is because at the moment I need a bit more emotional support. He said he was very surprised I got OHSS as my estrogen levels were not at high level to be alarmed -anyway..... Plan is I am doing a FET next cycle, should be mid/end of December. I am not down rigging, but consultant was anti-natural FET (I do think because they can't be arsed to be that flexible) will be taking estrogen tablets throughout the cycle and they put embie back at certain day of cycle - does that make sense? They only put 1 back on your first FET here, even though I will be 37 by that time. 

I am going to have to make sure I am ok mentally for this so soon, as I am struggling to feel "normal". Just feel like I need my Mum the entire time!!!!! 

xxx


----------



## Mooncat

So, I started on Oct/Nov IVF thread, progressed to 2ww thread, but now I find myself on here... Unfortunately it wasn't to be for us this time round, AF arrived with a vengeance on Monday night and cut our 2ww short. Lots of , almost no sleep Monday night (usual horrible period pains didn't help), lay awake torturing myself, consequently felt terrible yesterday  

BUT, decent sleep last night, and feeling soooo much better today  Still very sad, but getting better. Once the first few days of AF are over and the hormones are out of my system, I'm sure I'll be just fine. Looking forward to some normality in December, then we'll consider our options in the new year. 

Yogabunny - Hope you're keeping well, FET really not far off, exciting! You do right to rest up, it's such a difficult process, so many ups and downs and body loaded with drugs... I'm really bloody proud of myself for getting through it! Will have everything crossed for you in December  xx


----------



## yogabunny

Moon cat - so sorry to hear your news, i was checking the oct/nov thread for updates, as was very hopeful for you!! nice to see you on here, but i wish it was for better reasons!  It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do, take care of yourself. Yes I agree should all be very proud of ourselves. 

crimson - it's difficult to know what to do for the best, my thoughts are that a FET may suit me and my body, they say it suits some people, so it is worth a try, and I really could not face a fresh cycle yet. I won't be DRing so that helps too. The waiting is a nightmare, but perhaps a proper break could really get your PMA up and that's long enough to get nice and healthy too xx


----------



## Mooncat

*Crimsonrose* and *Nosilab* - with you on the pregnant friend thing. One of my bridesmaids was due with her second this Tuesday, the day after AF turned up for me. Haven't told her about my result yet, she actually been brilliant through it all, but I can't help feeling huge pangs of envy and resentment  Another close friend is due in January. She had three miscarriages, so for a while we were kind of in the same boat and confided in each other a lot. Feel like even more of a b*tch for resenting her after what she's been through, but it's just so tough. My best friend is clueless - she had her second in July and talks about nothing but her kids. She often sends me 'cute' pics of them, at the start of IVF I asked her not to, as it's really not what I need to see. She's followed my request, but clearly doesn't get it! I want to be happy for everyone else, but it's so bloody hard 

*Yogabunny* Thanks  And yes, nice to see you again, even if it's not for good reasons. You'll defo be in my thoughts in December, as I'm giving myself at least until January to start arranging next steps. Not sure if it'll be FET or IVF again, kind of feel like I'd like to give the whole thing another go whilst I feel able, but as there's no funding in our area cost is definitely a factor... lots to think about!


----------



## Mooncat

FFS, whilst I was typing said 'best friend' just sent me a picture of her kids! I haven't told her my news yet, but seriously, when did she become so dumb?? I've been trying for 4 years, I've been diagonosed with all sorts of issues, by chances of ever having kids of my own really aren't great... why the hell would I want to keep getting photos to remind me what I'm missing out on?! 

Sorry for rant, it's so lovely to talk to people who understand xx


----------



## Mogster

*Mooncat* I am so with you on the friend thing. My best friend is great but I have some who are the most insensitive people I have ever met. One friend told me a couple of years ago that she knew how I felt as she was on clomid trying to conceive. She already had 2 kids at that stage and is now expecting her 4th so I don't think she even had a fraction of the pain and heartache that I have had along with so many people on here. Another friend when I told her ivf hadn't worked again said it was a shame as I'd make a lovely mummy!

*Yogabunny* Take your time and get yourself ready and when you are I  FET works for you.           

Everyone else sending you     

AFM Well we are doing lots of research before we embark on another cycle. Want to know as much info as possible and use that to choose our treatment etc. Going to be a mixed Christmas as will be great with my family as they are understanding but shame I can't say the same for inlaws? SIL Is great but BIL wife is a complete cow who is always making deliberate comments. Don't know how I haven't hit her in the past.

Look after yourself and remember its ok to have a bit of a moan and a 'me' post on here as that's what we are all here for.


----------



## Nosilab

*Crimsonrose*, music is still good, doesn't have to be meditation, just as long as it's something you enjoy listening to it will help you relax  all good stuff, glad it helped for EC  Deffo agree re the nice walks with DH, one of my fav things to do. Hmm I'm the same as you re acupuncture, I've thought about doing it in the past but I'm not a fan of needles and like you, feel I saw enough needles during tx  but as you say lots of ladies swear by it so is worth considering.

*Yogabunny*, sounds like your appointment was a bit 50:50 then. Shame you felt like you were on a conveyor belt, but really great news that you're going to get going with a FET cycle next month, will have every thing crossed for you 

*Mooncat*, so sorry to hear about your BFN  but a warm welcome to this lovely supportive thread. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit brighter now. Can't believe your best friend keeps doing that to you  it makes me so so mad that other people (women in particular) just don't get it and can't even empathise!!! When things like that happen it's so hard not to feel resentment/anger/upset! People can be so insensitive. Sending hugs your way 

*Mogster*, also can't believe your 2 friend said those things to you  especially the "shame, you'd make a lovely mummy"  Sounds like your BILs wife also needs a good talking too!!!

Hello to all xx


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## deblovescats

greetings nosi
mogster- you so have my sympathy - i have friends/colleagues like that - one also said to me - 'you'd make a great mum!' they're totally insensitive. 
i'm trying to be positive - got plans to have a consultation with serumj in athens in the new year, maybe a new start for us all, and lots of luck!
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Deb    Just a little message to send you lots of


----------



## Mooncat

Thanks for your lovely messages  I know this friend means well, I think she thinks she's 'sharing' the joy her kids bring her with me. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp that getting those texts feels like being stabbed in the gut 

*Mogster* - Feeling your pain, I've had 'you'd make a great mum' too. I know we'd make brilliant parents, that's why we're so desperate for a child! I told myself to take it as a compliment, since I'm sure that's how it was meant, however misguided it may have been.

*Nosilab* - I know, a lot of people just don't relate at all. They have no idea how heartbreaking it is struggling to conceive, no understanding of how it takes over your life and consumes your thoughts, no idea how physically and mentally tough fertility treatment is&#8230;

Between DH and I, we told about a dozen friends about the IVF. We did that so we didn't have to make excuses for seeming out of sorts, so people didn't jump to the wrong conclusion about me not drinking, because we thought we'd need support&#8230; Next time, I think we'll tell three of them, the three who were really supportive and seemed to understand what a hard time it was for is. I feel disappointed in the others, though I know they're all good people and I probably expected too much support and understanding.

Just found out this morning a guy I work with is expecting his first child. He got married a year ago, and him and his wife are lovely. I am pleased for them, but inevitably, I feel bitterness and anger and resentment.

We have a clinic appointment in the morning - would've been my pregnancy test, that's a little redundant now, but they want me to go anyway. Get that over with, enjoy a long weekend and hopefully feel a bit more normal next week.

Hope everyone's doing ok xxx


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## yogabunny

On the subject of insensitive comments, it was a male friend of DH when drunk telling us how fertile he must be, that really made me want to kill him!! As if he had some great talent!!! How mean and nasty. There are no issues (so far) for DH, but so called friend doesn't know that.  

Anyway... I just need to say that i went for an amazing long massage and a facial yesterday using some vouchers i was given, and no exaggeration to say that i can even breath better after that! I must have been so frigging tense from everything that it was affecting my breathing, which is going to effect my mental state.  Feel like a new person today 
        I recommend it ladies!!  

So i've got the massage oil out and DH has instructions !  x x x x


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## Mooncat

Aaaaarrrrrrgggghh! Was having a better day today - physically still feel awful, but mentally much more positive. Until another close friend texted to ask if we'd had news. When I said the result wasn't what we hoped for, she said she was so sorry, had everything crossed for you, you deserve some luck etc etc... then she went on to say 'I came off the pill in September and nothing yet, so I know a bit of the disappointment you're feeling'! WTF?! Two months?!Try four years, dozens of medical appointments, an operation, and a round of IVF, THEN tell me you know about disappointment!! 

Lesson definitely learnt - we will not be telling so many people next time, I really can't cope with their well meaning but completely insensitive remarks!

Rant over.

Yogabunny - Massage sounds like a fabulous idea, I think I'll get myself booked in. Got a guest pass for a local fancy gym on Sat, going to go with my mum, just have a little swim, use the steam room, jacuzzi etc


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## Crimsonrose

Hi everyone. Hope everyone ok.

Mooncat, my friend was like that, she been trying one month and didn't get pregnant, then had the cheek to say "I know how it feels" I am quite a laid back person so don't like to make a deal out of things.. But I felt like saying to her how can you know She got pregnant the following month and is now 7 weeks, I dread seeing her cos its all I can think about at the moment.

Yogabunny, its hard isn't it, life in general after failure. People don't always think about what they are saying when they are drunk, they tend not to think and ramble it all out and probably don't realise it can be really hurting someone's feelings.

AFM, Its a week today since I got my BFN. Went out for a meal last night for hubby's bday, family like, but didn't realise that hubby's half brother was coming with 9month old daughter, ouch!!! Found myself sat at table with lots of baby talk and the baby being passed around under my nose, couldn't contain myself and burst into tears, managed to be discrete so that people wouldn't notice.. Had a glass of wine, didn't really help, and a couple of smokes, which I am giving up again this weekend, defo!!! Ended up talking to mother in law outside in smoking shelter, got upset and told her about IVF, she knew nothing until last night, didn't even tell her about the investigations.. She said if you can't have kids, then you will just have to deal with it and maybe adopt, I just think, lol, didn't really expect her to understand so its not really a shock. She made out that there's much worse things going on like people dying young from cancer, etc.. so anyway didn't really enjoy night, one little baby kind of ruined it all for me.. and I feel bad for saying that as she is so beautiful and its so not her fault but I feel its just too soon for me, it hurts too much.. Hubby not really supportive at all, he doesn't really understand why I am getting upset as he says we can try again which we are going to do, maybe January / February.. Told him I may have a few drinks Xmas, which I am not sure about yet.. he wants to start another fresh cycle in January at Care Manchester this time not Leeds, I said maybe February be better, its kind of up in the air a bit at the moment, sent off the forms yesterday so I guess it will depend how soon we get a consultation.

Sorry for long rant, going to go out for a shop, will hopefully help me feel better as feel a bit rubbish today..


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## Mooncat

Hi Crimsonrose, sorry to hear you're having a bad day  I find any mention of babies sets me off at the moment, so I think you did amazingly to sit through a whole meal  And yes, bad things happen to lots of people, but if someone gets cancer people can relate to that, whereas with fertility problems most people don't have any understanding about how painful it is, which makes it even harder  I hope shopping helps. I'm planning a bike ride, then maybe even a run, missed my exercise and could do with pounding out some of this stress!

I just replied to my friend with 'It's heartbreaking, but after years of disappointment and countless medical appointments, we're used to picking ourselves up and getting on with things, so we'll be ok.' Wanted to make the point that there's no comparison, without having a go at her. Have to keep reminding myself this isn't anyone else's fault, and everyone wants a happy result for us. I find it strange that some people are great, whilst others just don't get it at all. It can be hard to predict who'll be supportive and who it's better not to tell, but I'll know better for next time! 

I honestly think you ladies on this site are the only thing keeping me sane at the moment... you're all ace  xxx


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## Vickytick

Mooncat it's true about other people. No one understands I'm bored of people telling me 'positive stories' about people they know in a patronising way. It's been nearly 4 years seriously I know what's what.

Crimsonrose my family are great but dh's aren't they have no idea one sil wanted me to ask another sil to be surrogate and get a loan to pay for it but this sil never took care of herself whilst pg with her own kids there is no way I'd let her carry mine. 

Mooncat sorry you are here but welcome to a lovely set of ladies.

I am v jealous bitter and twisted but I'm nearly 39 so time is running out and with such a poor history I cant  really see myself giving birth to my own child but I'm up for adoption if that is my chosen  route. That's life for us ttc but thanks to you all I'm sane. Xxxx


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## cornishgirl

Hi
Haven't been on during the week as it's all been a bit manic, just enjoying a more relaxed Saturday morning with a nice cuppa! It's been quite busy on here too....

*Shelleysugar * and *mogster * - must be hard to work with childrenand seeing the other families there., its hard not to judge them isn't it.

*Mogster * - have you had acupuncture before? I'd def recommend it but you have to have the right practitioner, living in Cornwall I'm quite restricted for all services but had a great acupuncturist who was like my councillor too lol! Good luck with the research, and coping with the inlaws! My MIL (RIP) was great, and I know she'd be right behind us, its a shame when they can't just be supportive isn't it.

*Deblovescats * - work sounds tough, soaking up the culture sounds an excellent plan - enjoy Oliver

*Yogabunny * LOL at the list, I always have my notebook so I can write it all down. Maybe its a man/woman thing . Sorry AF is a bad one. We almost got cancelled last year as they thought I had OHSS but I played the pains down as I just wanted them transferred back, but looking back I wonder if it would have been better if we'd done FET. It was all a bit of shock as no-one had mentioned the possibility of a freeze-all cycle before. Even reading the info again for our next cycle it still doesn't get mentioned which is bad I feel, did you know about it before? Great news that the FET is so soon, hope you can get your head around it all but as least your embies will be back they belong really soon. Massage sounds amazing, it reminded me I have a voucher that I got for my leaving gift from my old work and might book it in over Xmas - sounds heavenly.

*Mooncat * - sorry to hear about your BFN, how many days were you before AF? I was 9 days and they wondered it was lack of progesterone so they're going to give me more after transfer next time. Good plan to get December over and then re-think in the New Year. The first time round we told all our friends/family etc as we thought it would be easier but definitely playing it differently this time! Hope the appointment went ok.

Welcome *spenno*, not done a detox after a BNF but I guess you body needs to build itself back up so you need to do what you feel it need . Hope you find some great support here.

Welcome *crimsonrose*, sounds like you have found us when you need us most. It's such a touch time and the excess hormones really don't help the emotions that you go through as well. Your friend was insensitive if she knew what you are going through, I know its a big thing in her life but she could have picked a better time. Great that you've got an appointment so soon, you need some time to think about things now to decide what to do next. I know exactly what you mean about being impatient and it all seeming so far away but you have to do what's best in the long run. The meal sounds an ordeal, well down for getting through it - not what you needed!

*Vickytick * - great news that you can go ahead ASAP. Hope you get some dates etc soon.

AFM, I phoned the clinic on Monday hoping to be able to cancel the December appt to discuss PESA now that his sperm are back (yeah, probably a bit ambitious! ). She said that we still need to go as although they are back now, they could go again and I wouldn't want to go though all the treatment to turn up on EC day and no sperm! She said the consultant may suggest freezing some sperm so if there were none on the EC day we had a backup. After a sulk(!) DH said she was probably right - I'm normally the rational one - but I can see her point. However, DH has real problem getting time off work as its quite a long trip to the IVF hospital so keen to make as few trips as possible so I thought I'd be cheeky and ring and ask if there was any way they could take a sample and freeze if the sperm are present on 20th, and they said yes. That cheered me up as we go in early and do the test and freeze is they find some, so the consultant will know the results when we see him so hopefully we will know exactly what we are doing.

CG x


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## Mooncat

Vickytick - Thanks for the welcome, so nice to have somewhere to turn  Yeah, people telling positive stories is irritating, they mean well but there comes a point where you really are smiling through gritted teeth  Sometimes people surprise me though, I had a very supportive text from a long standing male friend yesterday afternoon, he has no experience with fertility issues and, well, he's a bloke, but he just seemed to really understand how I'd be feeling. Was nice, odd, but nice! 

Cornishgirl - I was 11dp3dt, but was still on progesterone and was told I shouldn't bleed, so I think you might be right. I was on the pessaries and the info that comes with them says not all women absorb progesterone well via that route. I'll ask for injections next time, don't relish the thought of more injections, but would rather know it's definitely getting into my system!

Good day today. Spent the morning with my mum at her swanky gym in the pool, jacuzzi etc, then got my hair done, then quality time with DH this afternoon  Going to push the boat out and have a glass of wine tonight - rock n roll!


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## Mogster

Hi everyone, how are you?

*Cornishgirl* I have started looking into acupuncture as I have heard it can help to relax etc and I need all the help I can get. Have found one place near me but it is so expensive! Going to keep looking. I guess that's the price you pay for living in London! Thanks for suggesting it 

*Mooncat* Think I need some of the pampering! Would love to take myself off to a spa and have a massage then get my hair done etc. Will add search for spa deals onto my list of jobs to do!!! I've mentioned it before but can't remember if it was on this one. I have a friend who said she knew what I was going through as she struggled to conceive her 3rd child. Ummm I don't think she did!!! Another friend of mine said I should come back with a really sarcastic reply. Only problem is when they say things quite often you are either so shocked or choked with emotion that you can't sy any words. I'm currently avoiding the insensitive friend as she is now expecting number 4 who was unplanned!!! Unplanned?? Walk in my steps and see the planning that goes into IVF then see if you know how I feel!!!! Sorry for rant but feel for you and can relate to your experiences 

*Crimsonrose* I feel for you and know what it's like. I find it harder around pregnant women that actual babies all tho it is hard around them as well. I have to bite my tongue so many times and stop myself from crying. As soon as I'm either in the car or home that's it the tears flow. Then I get angry as well. Some people need reality checks!!!

AFM Decided to try again but not sure where. If anyone can recommend clinics in London or Kent Have also decided that whatever the outcome DH and I will adopt a child. Went to a talk and it is 100% something we feel want to do.

Take care everyone and thanks for being there


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## Shellebell

new home this way
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=42.0


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