# Are we allowed to do a private surrogacy arrangement?



## desperatetobeadad

Hi to all,

My partner (30) and I (34) are desperate to find a surrogate who will use her own eggs ( as my partner has a problem with hers) 
we have had 3 failed IVF attempts at the James Cook hospital.

We understand that COTS and surrogacyUK are reputable and well meaning etc etc. 
However do we have to go through an organisation such as these? Can we / are we allowed to try to find our own private surrogate and do our own legal agrements etc? 
Several potential surrogates have approached us , individually which didn't quite work out in the end, but we welcomed their approach.
I wondered if any FF member had experience of a "private" surrogacy arrangement? 

If anyone could advise - I'd be grateful for any response.

Thanks for reading!


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## Ruth

We have had a couple of surrogacy cases where I work and they have been private arrangements, not through Cots etc. As long as you get the right legal advice, counselling and information, I don't see the problem.

Sarah


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## UKGS needed

I think private surrogate arrangements are a fantastic idea if you can find a surrogate yourself. I do think that both the organisations are far to overpriced and do wonder what they do with the £850 that they charge as neither of the websites seem to offer much decent advice. You only get the decent advice once you've paid up!! If you can avoid this extra expense then this can only be a good thing as you'll have more to spend on your baby when he/she finally does arrive.


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## sas jane v

Hi eveyone - just curious really at the moment - what are the legal obligations
am I right in thinking the surrogate mother is legally the mother for the first 6 weeks until the parents can apply for parental ??care/adoption

...does this mean the "parents have to apply to their local authority to adopt or can this be done through the courts

anybody have any info please - have had bad experience of adoption process

thanks 

Sarah xx


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## crownmum

Hi

It is correct that you can enter into a private arrangement.

However, in response to the poster above, Surrogacy UK does not charge anything near the figure of £850 quoted to join our organisation. It costs less than a 1/3 of the figure quoted.

Our organisation is run mainly by volunteers. We have one member of staff who is paid for working just 2 hours a day but often works anything up to 16 hours per day. 

It costs money to run an organisation, newsletters, factsheets, telephone support calls to intended parents and surrogate mothers etc, office, web-site, message board, stationery, stamps to name but a few of our costs. 

We make no charge to surrogate mothers. Whenever a potential surrogate mother expresses an interest in joining we go out and visit her and explain all that is involved in a surrogacy arrangement to her. We cannot expect a /mediator counsellor to do that for free. Each visit may take up to 10 hours, including travelling and time spent explaining all aspects of surrogacy.

Our web-site is fully comprehensive and gives anyone who wants to pursue surrogacy all the information they will ever need, including the legal information and necessary forms to enter into a parental responsibility agreement and parental order. We welcome feed-back and constructive criticism from visitors and suggest the poster above emails us and explains what she would like to see available on our web-site. We will do our best to include whatever information she feels is necessary.

We try and answer as many questions as possible on our message board and people can attend our get togethers for further advice, informaton and support. You do not have to be a member of SUK to attend.

We hold regular get-togethers, some of which are social, others include workshops for IPs and SMs.

Most support groups charge anything up to £50 to join. However, surrogacy is an option pursued by few people and we have to charge much more to cover the costs in running our organisations as we will only ever have a small number of members.

I would say it is much the same with COTS.


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## crownmum

Hi Sarah

http://www.surrogacyuk.org/legalities.htm

The link above explains all you need to know about the legal process.

I am not sure if I can put a link to the SUK web-site. Someone just tell me if this is not allowed.

After reading the info if you have any questions, you only have to ask.

The Parental Order process is quite simple and although you can seek the advice of a solicitor, one is not necessary. We felt able to do ours on our own and it was easy. We had the support of COTS at the time and they guided us through the legal process and were able to help with any legal advice. The courts tried to insist we hire a solicitor though as they said we might not understand what we were doing. We understand more than the courts! They had never granted a Parental Order before!

The officer of the court who visited us was very nice and just made one home visit to us and one to our surro, although sometimes they may make more visits.

We applied in Jan 97 and we were granted our PO at the end of Feb 97. Our daughter was born in Oct 96 so it was not long before the legal process was completed.

We also had a bad experience with adoption. We did finally get approved but it took 3 years. We gave up in the end as my mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer and they put our adoption on hold. They said we would need time to grieve after my mum died and they only resumed the process after she had died.

That's why we turned to surrogacy and we actually found out our surro was pregnant the day before we were approved for adoption.


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## surromumandrea

Hi there, I've completed 2 private or Indie surrogacies. I'm onto my third.
You don't need an organisation to do a surrogacy, though it helps if you're not certain what way to go about it.
My advice would be to read up on everything you can find on the net.
There are a couple of organisations here in the UK that can help you to meet a surrogate, I'm sure you've seen the links on these pages, or you could go have a look at 
www.surromomsonline.com
Their message boards are hopping, though it is an american site, there a quite a few Brits on there. I found my couple on that site also.
Good luck to you!!!!


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