# feeling sad



## carrie lou

Forgive me for posting here, my DH and I are not TTC baby No 2 (yet) but I am feeling very low at the moment and need to write this down in a place where hopefully people will understand.


We are incredibly blessed and lucky to have a gorgeous 1-year-old son as a result of treatment with donor sperm; he is a delightful little boy and makes my life worthwhile. My DH has azoospermia, meaning there is absolutely no chance of conceiving naturally.


Lately I can't stop thinking about the "next baby". It seems people around me with babies about my DS's age are falling pregnant when their husbands so much as look at them, and I'm finding this very hard to cope with, as I know that is never going to happen to me. We have provisionally agreed to start treatment again in December/January, all being well, but I know there is no guarantee of being as lucky as we were the last time, and even if we are successful, it is going to be a long, hard, emotional, expensive road.


I have talked to my DH and my mum about how I'm feeling. They have both made the point that I should be grateful for what we have. I am, I really am, believe me - I know exactly how lucky we are and that so many women out there would cut off their own arm to be in my position. Every time I look at my little boy, I remind myself what a miracle he is and that we once thought we might never get this far. I hate myself for wallowing in misery like this - I know it is stupid, selfish and pointless. But "normal" people are allowed to hope for a little bit more ... "normal" people are allowed to hope that they can give their first-born a sibling one day. Is it so wrong of me to hope for the same?


I keep thinking back to my pregnancy and wondering if I will ever get to experience that again. It's making me tearful and unhappy and I just really needed to share it somewhere in the hope that others might have felt the same. Thank you for reading.


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## staceysm

Hi Carrie,

You are in no way alone in what you feel.  I think many of us could have written this ourselves.

My attitude is the same.  People who don't have fertility problems are allowed to decide how big there families are, so why aren't we?  Why don't they only have one child, be happy that they have the one and then stop?

When people say I am lucky to have my son, it does make me angry.  Why I am lucky that I had to go through IVF to get a child, when so many get pregnant within the first month of trying? Do they understand what it is like to look at a negative pregnancy test monthly for 4 years?  Do they understand how difficult and costly the IVF process is?  Do they see me with tears in my eyes looking at my son playing on his own in the garden and feel so much guilt because he may not have a sibling to play and have fun with?

We are TTC No 2 naturally and are starting ICSI and I can't tell you that amount of people that have said 'Well it doesn't matter if it doesn't work, as you have your son'.  Erm, actually I will be devastated.  Yes I understand that I was very fortunate and for some they will have numerous IVF attempts and still no baby to hold, but now I have had the experience of a baby, I want to do it again.  I have a loft full of baby stuff and I can't bear to part with it.  The difference with me is that time is running out.

So please don't feel guilty about how you feel and you are certainly not selfish to want another child.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Stacey
X


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## pepperoni

Hi Carrie and Stacey   

I just had to post to say I totally understand how you are both feeling and I feel exactly the same way too.

We were so lucky on our first ICSI cycle and have a wonderful son who is now 19 months. Every time I look at him I feel eternally grateful but that does not take away my constant desire and dream to have another child. We are currently in the middle of our second ICSI cycle (I'm due to have EC on tuesday) and I have felt exactly the same during this cycle as our last. I feel as desperate for it to work and will feel as devestated if it fails. 

As you said Stacey it makes me feel angry when people say I am lucky to have my son, especially when they are currently saying 'oh well, if this cycle fails at least you have him'. The emotional strain and pressure of dealing with IF cannot be understood by anyone who has fallen pregnant easily and I have given up trying to explain what I feel. 

It has been really difficult saving the money for this cycle and I know in my head that this will be our only shot at having another child - not managed to tell my heart that yet as I really think it will break if this doesn't work. 

Thinking of you both
Pepper xx


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## Princessem

I have just found this thread. I was about to start one on the exact same issue.


I always knew that i wanted more than one child. even after waiting 6 years on the emotional ivf rollercoaster for my darling harry to come along , i knew i would want another. we tried FET earlier this year and it failed. i have been feeling rubbish ever since. before i could hide away from babies, but when harry was born , i knew that i wanted him to play with other babies and hence loads of new mummy friends have been met. trouble is they are all falling pregnant with their second, and i am the one who cant. feel so jealous, bitter and resentful. when i have tried to confide in people, i just get the standard response - well at least you have harry. yes, i have harry and i love him to pieces, but why couldnt i be the one to have the natural pregnancy, without the treatment and emotional and financial expense that goes with it?  


it is so frustrating and i feel so lonely. what if our last go (sometime in the future) doesnt work? will this resentment and bitterness ruin me? will i ever be able to feel happy for all those who get it so easily?


i know there are some woman out there, who would be happy to have one child. but even when i use to meet up with these woman, i wasnt one of those and i am not going to pretend i am. being infertile shouldnt be a reason to give up and what i always dreamed off.


im so glad that others feel the same as me. might make it a less lonelier place to be.  


emma


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## beckalouise

So glad I just came across these posts as I've had a down day feeling all those things everybody has already said and it is good to know I'm not alone.

My little boy is 1 next month   god I love him but I never imagined my life as a family of 3 as you will see fom my signature   .  Like others have said even though I have Austin I still feel that kick in the stomach when pregnancies are announced and even on my parenting tread one girl has just had her second miracle just before her 1st turns one, another girl just got her new BFP and another starts FET next month.  Don't get me wrong I'm happy for all my friends and escepially people on FF but feel robbed of having the choice of when and how many.

 to everybody, may one day all our dreams come true


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## Rosy238

Hi everyone,
I have a gorgous 3yr old daughter from our fresh IVF cycle and am currently in our 2ww after FET with our last 2 frozen embryos.  We had saved up the money three times to have this done and on two occasions have had to spend it on other things, now we are finally here it is momentous for us.  We/maisy would love to have another baby and this time round we have been really quite suprised with how many of our friends, some of which went thru our fresh cycle with us, that have shrugged and said 'ah well if it doesnt work, look what you have, shes gorgous and you should appreciate what you have'. To be honest I have avoided these 'friends' recently as I think i may end up saying something I shouldnt. Every morning and every night I am thankful for maisy, we appreciate every moment of every day because she is our miracle, how dare they say that because we would love another that we dont appreciate her.  Its very sad that people are that small minded and it takes away from how you feel, funily enough I do think that only people in the same situation can truly know how this feels, thank goodness for support pages like this, you know your not alone.xxx


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## carrie lou

Wow, what a response! I often feel so isolated and lonely in my feelings in the real world - no one can understand how this feels unless they've been through it themselves - and I can't tell you how amazing it feels to know that I'm not alone!  


I think people look at us and think, yes you WERE infertile - but you have a child now, so get over it. But infertility is something that stays with you forever.


My mum has further added to her advice by telling me I shouldn't go on about wanting another child in case I make DH feel guilty, as the fertility problem is with him, not me. But I have told him categorically that I don't blame him and I don't intend to make him feel guilty, I just can't help the way I feel.  


I think I will ring our clinic this week and try to get an appointment - even though we don't plan to start again for a few months, I will feel like I'm doing something positive instead of just moping.


Anyway thank you all for sharing your experiences and may I wish all of us lots and lots of luck and success in getting our second little miracles


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## staceysm

Hi Again Ladies,

I re-read my post and think I sounded a bit bitter, I am not honestly .

It's amazing how quickly you can shut people up though with the right words.  My friend who has 4 children all conceived within 6 weeks of trying and often tells me that I have my son and should be grateful.  Recent conversation below:

Convo:
Friend: You do have DS, so many women don't have any.
Me: Why did you not stop at one?
Friend: Because I wanted more.
Me: So why are you allowed to want more then one child, but I am not? 
Friend:............Erm, why don't you adopt then?  As there are so many children in care that need loving homes.
Me:  Obviously you are very concerned about the amount of children in care that need to be adopted, so why did you carry on having biological children and not adopt then?
Friend:...........Silence

My conclusion, no one but us ladies that have to deal with infertility truly understand what it feels like.

Hugs to us all.

Stacey
X


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## Princessem

Stacey - excellent come backs.   


so grateful to have found this thread.


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## Tiny21

You have all worded so well how I feel and why do I feel guilty that I want another child, other people don't even consider it, yes of course we are all so grateful for our little miracles and there are lots and lots of ladies who haven't yet had their miracles and we know how that feels but why can't we want what so many people consider normal? Siblings? 


I love my little boy more than anything but I don't want him to be alone and an only child, I have 2 sisters and they enrich my life and when we were young we had automatic playmates and somebody to stand up for us.


Knowing we can never naturally have a child and it will never be our joint biological child is horrible and each month that goes and each AF that comes feels so hard. We recently had our first cycle trying for a sibling and after some positive symptoms and a positive Clearblue, but all other tests and bloods negative I didn't think I would find it so hard but I did. 


Nobody understands unless they are in this position


I agree Stacey! Well done, 
You are not alone and we should not feel guilty 
Xxx


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## pepperoni

It has been so good to read everyone else's feelings and help me realise that I am not alone in how I feel and that maybe these feelings are actually quite 'normal' for people in the same situation.

I am so sad though to read what you have all been through and just hope and pray there is some positive news around the corner for us all.

Tiny    I was so sad for you when I read about your recent BFN, you have been in my thoughts 

Carrie when I was feeling really low at the start of the year I rang our clinic to get the ball rolling and it really helped in a way to feel like I was taking steps towards the start of this cycle. The clinic advised trying to get some of the bloods done through our GP to help with costs and then both DH and I needed some of our tests repeating before we could get started again so in actual fact I was very glad to have made that first phone call in february to be ready to start in may.

Hugs to everyone 
Pepper xx


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## Tiny21

Thank you


For quite a while i didn't really feel ready to try again and still wonder how you can love a second child like you love number 1 but people reassure me you will, I think it is a very different experience having number 2. Let's hope we all get to experience it    I feel ready now and so want a sibling for our little man.


Great to shared these thoughts 
Xxxxx


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## katie c

to everyone who needs them

i'm a little different to you all as i've moved onto adoption, and we got out BFAP today. so while i'm obviously thrilled and for heavens sake, haven't even been matched with number one yet   i'm feeling sad our SW wouldn't recommend us for a sibling group as we have little child care experience.

there is no way on this planet i'd go through this process a second time, plus i'd be bloody ancient it a second go took as long as this one has.   so chances are our child (wow. our child!) will be a O&O.

ironically if their birth mother has another we could be approached to consider adopting a sibling. wouldn't it be easier if the people upstairs who decide just made it i could conceive and not them?    

as for the comments about you already having a child, i hope people mean that you should let that comfort you when you feel blue rather than a 'huh! be grateful you have one!' sort of thing. well, i hope so anyway


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## Princessem

how would you handle this?


I met a woman when our children were 4 months old. she conceived her child naturally, but bascially said it was a miracle as she was told she couldnt have any successful pregnancies naturally. anyway for a year she banged on about this and then recently she told me she is pregnant again. i told her that i wasnt very good at dealing with natural pregnancies and that i would appreciate it if she wouldnt talk about it much infront of me. (i know that makes me a bad friend and i told her that as well). anyway ever since she has banged on about it. her pregnancy is going well, and of course thats nice for her. but ive had enough.  please give me some advice `on how to deal with this. i cant avoid her.


my antenatal class are all concieving naturally at the moment as well. im jealous of this and feel like the outsider of the group, but im trying to handle this, as they were honest about falling pregnant straightaway. so it hasnt felt like a big fat lie from them.


im fed up of being bitter


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## carrie lou

Hi Princessem, I was going to suggest avoiding her but you say you can't. I can understand what an upsetting situation this must be for you. I too find it upsetting to hear about people conceiving naturally and easily. It's especially difficult when it's a close friend and you want to be happy for them   


But your friend must surely have had to face similar emotions at one time as she'd been told she couldn't fall pregnant naturally. I would have expected more sensitivity from her. I would perhaps remind her of that, how would she have felt when she thought she couldn't have children, if others around her fell pregnant naturally and wouldn't stop going on about it.


   to you, it's so hard isn't it.


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## Princessem

trouble is there are some woman who can cope with other peoples pregnancies and i think she is one of them! maybe i could try that though


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## pepperoni

I just wanted to send you a big hug princessem   I can understand that feeling of upset when others announce their pregnancies, I always still feel such a pang of jealousy and wish it could be me. I thought once I had had my DS those feelings would have gone but in fact they are just as strong especially as we are now on the journey of trying again. 

I feel quite lucky as out of 6 of us in my antenatal group 4 had IVF so everyone is really understanding. We are all in the process of trying again and I do keep worrying about how I will feel if it works again for everyone else but not us. 

My only suggestion would be to change the subject every time your friend brings up her pregnancy..... and be blunt about it. Hopefully she may start to get the message soon! 

Thinking of you 
xx


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## Princessem

4 out of 6 with ivf, that would be a great class to be in. we had that in our nhs class, but no  swapped numbers. howver in my nct group, they are all able to get pregnant with no waiting.


i think i could do the change subject thing, thank you all for your support.


how is everyone this week?


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## Lisajane73

Hi ladies

I've just stumbled upon this thread - so sorry to hear all your stories  but it has been a relief almost to make me realise I'm not alone in how I am feeling. I am currently 8w3d pg from a FET (after a failed on in April) however it is looking like the pregnancy is doomed as beanie isn't developing properly and I am so, so sad  

To make matters worse, DH and I told our closest friends we were pg (they knew we were doing the FET) when we were 5-6 weeks only to be told that they were pg too. At the time I was a bit stunned, as our news had kinda been quashed a bit, but then I thought about the fact that me being only 3 wks behind it would be great to go through this with my friend...

Later on, when she and I were chatting without the DHs, she 'complained' to me that she had gotten pg on the first month trying and that she was hoping it would take a while  Insensitive or just no idea? The same thing also happened to them for their first DD. It really makes me sad/envious when people just fall pg naturally at the drop of a hat like that and makes me feel like I am being a real b*tch. 

Anyway, roll on a couple of weeks and the fact that I am highly likely to m/c and she has also commented that at least we have our DD. As others have said, I am eternally grateful for my DD and she is my world, however having been an only child myself, I don't want this for her and I really want to be able to give her a sibling...

To make matters even worse, these said friends were supposed to be coming to stay with us next weekend, and we had planned a girly shopping day to buy maternity clothes - and now it looks like I wont need them I don't know how or if I can cope with it. I think if we get bad news at the scan on Mon then I will have to cancel. She also has her 12 wk scan a couple of days beforehand and I just will not be able to handle talking about her pg. If things don't work out for us, I will always be thinking that I should be 3 weeks behind her and I really don't know how I will live with that.

This infertility journey is so hard and I do think that if people have never had an issue then they just really don't understand what it's like. 
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!! Best wishes everyone. X


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## carrie lou

LisaJane I'm so sorry for what you've been through and the scare over your current pregnancy  If you think it would make you feel better to cancel the shopping trip then definitely do so, there is no point in making yourself even more unhappy. People who haven't had to face infertility can be very insensitive - I remember when my best friend was heavily pregnant, she kept saying how much she wanted a girl (she did have a DD in the end) and I felt like screaming at her. She just had no idea how lucky she was to have any child at all and so many people would kill to have a baby, ANY baby and there she was pregnant after 2 whole months of trying, being fussy! AAARGH!


Anyway I really hope you get good news on Monday, I'll have everything crossed for you - let us know how you get on


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## Lisajane73

Thanks CarrieLou.  I'm being cautiously hopeful, but also realistic and    lots!


I do think it's just the lack of understanding from those who have never suffered infertility issues and they probably just really don't know what to say or realise that things they have said might be hurtful.  
To be honest I have never truly understood how bad an early m/c feels, it's not until the possibility is staring me in the face that I can honestly say I know how it feels (how you make the 'connection' to that little developing bunch of cells from day 1 and it really is a grieving process).  I guess it's much the same for our friends...


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## pepperoni

Hi LisaJane I just wanted to say how sorry I am too for everything that you are going through.    I totally understand what you said about the 'connection' you make with your developing bunch of cells. I am due to have ET tomorrow and feel so passionate and in love already with our developing embryos and know I will feel totally devestated if this fails. I know that it is terrible for anyone going through a MC but I think that when you go through the process that we have to, you do make such a connection so early on as you spend so much time thinking about your embryos, sending them positive vibes and just willing them to do well. 

I am really willing your little beanie on and sending lots of           to you. I really hope you get some better news this week but maybe it is best to cancel the shopping trip anyway and avoid a situation that isn't going to help you feel any better.

Carrielou - it annoys me SO much when people are desperate to have a child of a certain sex. My sister was one of the worst culprits who after 2 boys, both conceived the first month of trying, was desperate for a girl. Her and her husband tried every old wives tale and she was even monitoring her temperature to time sex with her ovulation to increase their chances of having a girl. I had spent months monitoring my temperature just in the hope of having a baby of any sex and I was so upset when she told me what they were doing. I did feel like I had the last laugh though when they had their 3rd boy!!!


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## Princessem

Pepperoni - good luck tomorrow. hope all goes well for you.xx


Lisajane - i am so sorry that you are having to go through all of that. we went through a similar thing, when it took the hspital 3 weeks to finally decide it was over for us. i hope that your little embryo proves everyone wrong. big hugs to you.  


Carrielou - i swear some people dont get that we are not the right friends for them to say that too. 


Katie - I have always throught that it seems weird some people can pop them out and others who desperately wants them cant. good luck with your adoption.


Tiny, rosy and beckalouise - how are you all today?


emma


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## beckalouise

Hi all  

Thanks for asking princessem we are good.  Had a moan to myself last weekend after a family outing when the first thing SIL said to me was about 'getting on with trying for no2' , not hello how are you? so I just did an embarrassed little laugh and changed the subject!! 

Pepperoni -   coming your way for tomorrow

Lisajane -    

Take care all xx


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## Rosy238

Hello everyone,
Well at 9dp3dt I caved in and tested early!!! I have been having shocking pains down my left side and did pick my daughter up a few times yesterday so thought it was all over but at 7pm at night I have a faint positive test, I still have 5 days to go so trying not to get too excited, I just keep telling myself I cant possibly be this lucky twice over! but at the same time thinking how so very excited my daughter will be at the thought of a brother or sister. I hate this whole infertility thing, the waiting, the not being able to get excited about things! not sure how I am going to get thru the next 5 days without testing every day!!!!!
Im sorry this is a me me me post, I do hope that everyone is ok.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Princessem

Rosy - I hope in the next few days you can embrace your excitement. sounds good to me.   


Beckalouise - ooh you did well not to slap her!


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## carrie lou

Rosy - that's great news, really excited for you!!!  


LisaJane - you're totally right about that connection to your beanie, from the moment I knew I was pregnant (wasn't even 4 weeks yet) I felt like I'd bonded with my LO, even started "talking" to him   Still wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow   


Hope everyone is OK this weekend


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## pepperoni

Rosy how have you been doing this week?? Have you been testing everyday or have you managed to stay away from the pee sticks? Hoping it is still all good news and tomorrow you will be offically celebrating


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## Rosy238

Hello,
Pepperoni I dint manage to stay away from them!!! just used my ovulation tests for some reassurance until yesterday when we did a clearblue and got an official BFP, early scan booked for 3 weeks, we are over the moon and cant believe how lucky we are a 2nd time round!!! dont think its going to sink in for a while
Hope everyone else is doing ok.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## pepperoni

Rosy       
so thrilled to hear your official BFP! Am absolutly delighted for you and hope the next 3 weeks go quickly until your scan. 

Your news has given me a much needed PMA boost about my OTD next Thursday........ miracles can really happen twice


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## carrie lou

Rosy that's wonderful news       I'm so so pleased for you  


Pepperoni -    for OTD


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## Rosy238

Thank you carrie lou we simply cant believe it..... 

Pepperoni, thank you too, im wishing you lots of luck for your OTD lets hope we have a lovely run of BFP's!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Princessem

Rosy - that is great. Congrats


Pepperoni - good luck to you too.


Lisajane - how are you?


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## Lisajane73

Hi all

Things not going great for me - had my final scan on Monday which confirmed what I already knew - no h/b MMC. Devastated is not the word 

Anyway, had an ERPC yesterday and am feeling a bit stronger now - think I did most of my grieving before we had that scan as I knew it was over as all my pg symptoms had gone.

We have cancelled our friends' visit as I just couldn't handle seeing them, especially as she has had her 12w scan this week and all is fine - not that I would wish anything bad on her of course, but I will always be thinking that I should have been 3-4 weeks behind where she is, and she is a constant reminder of that...

DH and I are going away somewhere for the w/e - haven't planned where, just need to get away with him and DD for some time to just be together.

Hope everyone else is OK - congrats *Rosy*! I'll do more personals next time...


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## pepperoni

LisaJane      I am so sad to read your news   sorry to hear your little beanie didn't make it. I know there are no words to make you feel any better but I am thinking of you.
A weekend away with DH and DD sounds a really good idea, you need to give yourself time to grieve.
xxx


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## carrie lou

So sorry LisaJane   I think you did the right thing cancelling friends' visit, don't think I could have coped under the circumstances either. I hope your weekend away brings you some comfort. Thinking of you


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## Tiny21

Rosy, thats great news, huge congrats x xx x  


LisaJane, so sorry for you  , going away is a great idea, have a few glasses of wine! Take care of yourself


Pepperoni    To you
Hi everyone else
Xxxx


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## kandykane

hi ladies    i've read through the thread and can identify with so much with what you have been saying.

lisa jane i'm so sorry life is just not fair    


rosy -   




I desperately want a sibling for my DS although I spend a lot of time convincing myself that I don't    we can't afford more tx (can't borrow any more, not enough income save up), are not allowed to adopt and there's very little hope of a natural bfp. last month i had pg symptoms and thought we might have managed a natural miracle - how foolish did i feel when af arrived!    due to our financial circumstances and lack of any local support at all it would be silly to have another child at the moment anyway, but it doesn't stop me longing... 


we are not using any contraception in the hope we will get lucky but it kills me every month to get AF, I tell myself it will never happen to try to stay sane.


and yes, people all around are falling pg at the drop of a pair of pants. even girls on my parenting thread on here seem to be popping them out like candy too - i'm genuinely pleased for them and feel like such a b*tch being jealous but i can't help it   


every single day i remember how lucky i am, i so nearly didn't have my special, precious, treasured boy. am also starting to get the questions about 'are you having another?' and then the whole convo that comes after it - just don't know what to say to people sometimes, i don't always feel like sharing personal details with the world and their wife!! what on earth can i say to shut people up without telling them the blunt truth? or telling them to just    off!   


i know i'm lucky to have my boy, but blimey it makes me so very sad that i'll never have another and that he will never have the joy of a sibling    


hugs all round ladies   


kandy


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## Princessem

Lisajane - i am so so sorry. here for you anytime. it is just the hardest thing to go through. keep your dd and dh close.


Kandy - welcome to the thread. i tend to just say, harry is an ivf baby so who knows! makes people feel awkward and they tend to shut up.


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## carrie lou

Hiya Kandy, fancy seeing you here     I don't really know what to say either, I think it's no one else's business when we plan to have another child so i don't tell them our whole story. I tend to say something like, well of course we'd love another one day, who knows... and leave it at that. I think people often don't realise that it doesn't come easily to everyone, for some of us it's not just a matter of forgetting to use a condom one night and finding a bun in the oven 2 weeks later. 


I've been thinking so much lately about the next baby. In my heart of hearts I have faith it will happen one day, so that's good. It may be a year form now, it may be 2 years - but I have to believe it WILL happen. The thing I have really struggled with is having to accept that I have less control over when it will happen than I would like, and that's been hard for me as I'm a bit of a control freak  But as I watched my baby boy fall asleep tonight, I reflected on how long I waited for him and how happy he has made us, and realised I want to soak up every precious moment of his childhood. I don't want to look back and realise I spent much of it being sad and fretting about something I couldn't change. So I've decided just to enjoy my baby, be there for him, and trust that the next child will come along when it's meant to be. I think maybe that's what my mum was getting at when she told me to appreciate what I've got. I won't lie though, it still hurts when I hear of other women getting pregnant naturally and know that it's going to be a very different story for me.


Does this make sense at all? It's late and I may be rambling a bit


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## Slan80

Hi every1, have bn reading the thread an am wishing every1 luck with their miracles. I have a question I had my dd on a fresh cycle through nhs, and I have some snows babies, wld I have to pay for this FET? An if so does anyone know the process an how much we need to save up? Thanx
Lisajane am sooo sorry nit fair @ all
Congrats to Rosy..
Xxx


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## Princessem

Sian - I think you might have to pay. but its worth just ringing the clinic. good luck.


Carrielou - i agree with you. having one, means we can join all the baby groups, go swimming. if i had two i couldnt take two in the pool alone. that one to one time is so important. maybe in a year or so, when mine is at preschool, i will be lucky enough to have another one. that thought that i repeat again and again is getting me through.


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## Sheilaweb

Carrielou
I can sympathise fully with you hun, I would love a sibling for my beautiful daughter who is now coming up to her 3rd birthday - but my hubby was diagnosed with Non obstructive azoospermia - so the chances of us going naturally is extremely slim to say the least.

Believe it or not though, we did manage to get pregnant naturally once, (albeit, after 8 years of trying) - we have no frosties to fall back on, and having just moved to a much larger family home, the prospect of us saving up the sort of money it's take to go through ICSI treatment with GA for EC next time - I'm not holding out too much hope - put it that way, besides which we only managed 1 fertilized egg between us, so I have to weigh up could we afford the cost, both monetary and psychologically if we aren't as successful next time!
I was 39 when I went through treatment the first time, and I'll hold my hands up, the whole process made me a wreck, both physically, emotionally and mentally.  
I've got my little miracle, and yes I would dearly love another baby - but I have to be realistic, my chance has probably gone, don't get me wrong, a large lottery win and I'd be banging down the doors at Centre for Life but for now, I'm desperately happy but would happily Mother a rugby team if I could x x 
Sheila


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