# What does becoming a parent mean to you?



## emu_robot

Hi there folks, 

Let me introduce myself: i'm a married, gay mother-to-be (24 weeks and counting), and i'm half enjoying, half in constant fear of this crazy journey my wife and I are on at the moment!

I've been part of the pregnancy forum group for some time, but I wanted to ask you all a question. Full disclosure - i'm doing some creative work for a fertility clinic, and I'm trying to gain some insight into people's views about this whole fertility journey.

The question is a personal one, and it may be too emotional for you to put into words, but for anyone that's willing, I'd love to hear your answers. It may help some - and not others - to think about how you'd explain to your own mother or father how you feel. The question is all inclusive - for men, women... I'm trying to show what unites us. 

So, the all important question is: 

What does becoming a parent mean to you? 

Thanks so much, in advance. Really look forward to reading your answers. 

X


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## Bax

Hi Emu

Good to hear from you.

For me, being a parent means I have something to look forward to in the future.  Through all of my fertility jouney, it was impossible for me to think of a future without a child in in somewhere.  All my career and personal aims and acheivements seemed to be insignificant and also pretty selfish, even my relationship with my DH, if I didn't have a child I was making a future for.

Thankfully the treatment eventually worked and I'm now 22w pregnant.  I'm really looking forward to my daughter arriving and then spending time with her, instead of dreading my 'fertile' years passing me by with the passing time.  This year I was even relaxed about my birthday, which hasn't been the case for years!

Best of luck with your research and also with that bump of yours...

Amanda


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## goldbunny

for me there were three levels of it
1) my own personal life, my feeling of wanting to share and love and be loved and not be alone, and being able to grow and learn alongside a little new life.
2) the social aspect- the dreadful way non-parents are treated in society particularly women. i needed an escape from the constant reminders in the shops and media, and to be able to feel a sense of belonging and having a defined role, and to be able to connect with friends.. IF is so isolating.
3) the family connections, being closer to my existing relatives through their relationship with my little one, and thinking forwards feeling that the family as a unit is strengthened. knowing that after i die, someone should remember me.


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## emu_robot

thank you so much for your heartfelt reply, Amanda. best of luck to you too xx


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## emu_robot

goldbunny - really eloquently put, thank you so much. xx


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## goldbunny

and agree totally with amanda/baxs comment about insignificance of other achievements. it can get to the point where absolutely nothing seems to have any point whatever, because compared to the urge to be a parent, everything else diminishes.


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## RB76

Yes to all of the above. 

I had a fifteen year career and was finding it of total disinterest as ivf failed repeatedly (I've now given up work and although I will return, it will never be to the management level I was previously at). Ultimately, it means being able to feel happy, to have a purpose, to take joy in being a parent and seeing my daughter grow. Myself and a friend have agreed that the best day during infertility was a million times worse than the worst days of parenting. You just feel utterly miserable really after several failed cycles and facing the real possibility of it never happening. With the greatest of respect it does become ever so much harder after a few years of it not working. The start of it all is a breeze compared to the fourth, fifth cycle and beyond.

Another thing it means to me is not feeling like a total failure both personally and within society.


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## emu_robot

RB76 and gwenfii, I feel so privileged that you're sharing these thoughts with me, thank you. It really resonates with me on a personal level, and will help no end with the work i'm doing. It's important to me that our thoughts, dreams, worries and everything in between are listened to. x


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## xmaslisa

For me it's that strong desire/feeling to love someone unconditionally and have that unconditional love reciprocated. It just feels like a natural progression for me now. For years I wasn't particularly bothered about being a parent then after my surgery it seemed like the most important thing in the world. 

Good luck with your research and the rest of your pregnancy x


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