# Family reactions



## IVFer2000 (Jun 20, 2016)

Hi everyone

So we've had a BFN. I kindof expected it so coping ok though not
bleeding yet so I expect when that happens it will Kickstar the grieving process.

Wondered how your families reacted to it?
My mums been great. My sister has basically been "well you knew that could happen" and slagged off that we used a clinic abroad (she is financially much more well off than me so could afford to use a UK clinic but we are priced out).
However my husbands family have been awful!
His cousin basically said I shouldn't have started testing early, should have thought more positively like she did (she had BFNs before her kids too!) and doesn't agree with me sharing our journey with people. I was told his dad has been saying I shouldn't have been a miserable cow, that he can't understand why I was negative (as in I said I had felt it hasn't worked).

It was my way of coping. I think it probably hasn't worked then if it has it's a bonus. 
He didn't phone me once so had no idea whether I was a miserable cow or not, in fact my husband had been saying to him I was doing ok.

Fell out with my husband last night because I feel he lets his family talk mean behind my back and doesn't stick up for me which he agreed he should more. I said if my family said those things about him id have told them they needed to stop judging and support. 

Getting a BFN is hard enough isn't it without feeling you are being judged on how you react. 

Hard to know how to deal with it when I'm still waiting for my hormones to calm down. If the conversation of IVF comes up with them I feel I've saying I feel like not telling them when we have the next round because their judgements have made it so so much more stressful. They've had me in tears so many times and only give "support" when they want to know the gossip, not because they actually want to be caring.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I'm so sorry, people can be awful. Out of many reasons, this was one of the reasons I chose not to tell anyone except my mum. You can do no right by some people anyway, but family should be supportive. If they're not that's their problem and shouldn't be burdening you at this delicate time. I wouldn't bother telling them again! They'll surely moan that they were left out but you can't always win. Big hugs!


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## LyndseyM (Jun 23, 2014)

I'm sorry you in-laws are not being supportive, I can't believe what they have come out with. 

I don't think people realise who physically and mentally stressful IVF is. 

Sending love xx


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