# Birth Parent Meetings



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been around much, finding it difficult to find time to read the forum of late, especially as we are off to Teneriffe with LO on our first family holiday nexy week!

Anyway, back to the subject. We are off to see BM this afternoon and I'm starting to feel quite emotional about it, not really that nervous more sorry for her.

BM was a product of her own upbringing like many BMs are, and so we fully understand why her LO ended up in the care system, DW and I feel terribly sad for her and just want her to know that we care - but what about the questions to ask?


Why did you choose the name *****?
Did you have / still enjoy any hobbies or interests?
What type of job path? Are you working now?
Any update to family tree for *****? (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins)
Any info at all on Birth Dad - for *****?
Left / Right handed? - Are other family members lefties?
September mailbox contact ok? Paintings / Drawings?
Any other info / messages for ****** box?

We have the following list at the moment, nothing too in-depth as we don't want to scare BM off and to be fair we don't know if she'll have all the answers. We do know she is willing to attend as FC bumped into her a few weeks ago and told BM how good DW and I are and that LO is in very safe hands.

To make matters a little worse, our SW has insited on coming with us, she didn't even ask if we wanted her there, and she hasn't done any prep with us, that has been done with LO's SW! We think she wants to come as she hasn't been to a meet before and wants to be nosy. 
We know from LO's SW that BM might find her intimidating and may not open up if we have a "professional" with us too.

Oh, and just to add a little more to the mix, my mum is looking after LO while we are out this afternoon, but my Sister-in-law has just given birth (literally at 1am this morning) and so we expect my mum will want to go visit the new baby (my niece) - we just can't let her take our LO with though. It's completely the wrong envirnoment, and if she was to see her new niece it should be with us and not with grandparents!
*- I've just had the text off Grandma wanting to know what time we'll be back from the meeting so she can arrange a visiting slot! - How would I know?*

It's hard work this adoption stuff!


----------



## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Wow Paul you are so organised...my head would be a bit messed up! We are meeting our children's bm for many reasons...partly because I dont think she actually cares sadly. 

I think you are both very brave and I admire the way you see the whole picture. It seems like you have it planned excellently. I would say if you dobt want social worker there then say so. 

As for your mum! Typically annoying! Family that is. I have same problem. My folks think my husband is amazing at being a daddy but anythin I say they pull a face. No thinking! 

I really hope it goes fantastically and cannot wait to hear all about it. 

Fran x x x


----------



## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

Hi Paul, you are way more organised than we were! I just wanted to say that we had both SW there. There was never any choice. It did make it feel a bit stiff but I was pleased our SW was there. I needed her on one or two questions that I didn't feel comfortable answering.  Our meeting only lasted about half an hour but so pleased we did it. It is very emotional, I felt guilt mostly.


----------



## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

It's something we wanted to do with both of ours but for varies reasons never happened, I think they would have been good to be able to say to them both that we had met.

Hope it all goes well, and you get what you want out of it for your little one.


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i dont think its unusual to have your own sw there with you..she is your 'support team' if you like..its quite in line with procedure for them to attend the birth parent meeting 


anyway its probably all done and dusted by now..hope it went well..sounds like you were well prepared for it. One thing i did was type up immediately a synopsis of the meeting so that I wouldnt forget anything..am so glad i did as 6 years on and i can't hardly remember any of it and reading it back is a great reminder!


kjx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Our social worker was there too, think it's standard practice. Anyway, I hope all has gone well. I will never regret going, it will be fab for little pink to hear about in the years to come. There is a nice picture in her life story book of mummy and daddy with birth parents which will hopefully reassure her somewhat surrounding permission to parent etc. It's emotionally charged but I felt at peace after


----------



## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Paul, I hope the meeting went well.  

Not a lot of help to you now, but I wanted to ask b/m questions about her when she was younger when we were meant to meet with her (it didn't happen, prep work wasn't done and SS cancelled the meeting, b/m then really fell off the rails again so a no go atm).  I just wanted to know what she liked doing, what music she liked when she was younger, what hobbies she'd had, sports, anything like that really.  It's odd because now Wyxling is old enough to ask she often asks me what b/m did and was like when she was her age.  She also asks the same questions about me.  She often asks for photos of both me and b/m when we were younger too.


----------



## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

Yes I think sw is meant to be there. We asked BM about how she chose little one's name, and also for a photo so that LO can see it. Then again, it's different for us as we see BM for contact each week. First contact session was today. Handover went very well, telling mum how she had settled, when she had last feed etc, but LO was very unsettled for a good hour afterwards  

Hope it went well today and wasn't too awkward. You seem to have a very positive outlook on meeting BM which helps x


----------



## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

Hope it went well Paul   


I've no idea if we'll ever meet our boy's BM. His SW left just after AO, and said she'd tried to arrange it but BM's care worker, or whatever she is could tie BM down to commit, apparently she was previously up for it, but her personal circs too have gone downhill. His SW said there's only a finite amount of times they can try before we give up.


We asked our SW to chase it one last time but I'm not holding my breath


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Thanks for the messages,

It's been a busy few days sorting out the last things to do before we go on holiday tomorrow (Tenerife) - I can't wait.

BM meeting went really well, we are so glad she turned up as we know how the information will help LO when she is older.

I'll do a better write up of the meeting when I get a few hours to myself, I can use the internet on my phone so I may pop on here whilst i'm away.

See you all in a fortnight!

Paul


----------



## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Wow, Paul your brave taking your little one away so early in placement, hope you all have a fabulous time.


----------

