# One more IVF or head for DE?



## Babydustneeded (Jul 1, 2013)

Hi Ladies

I'm in that agonising situation that many people here seem to have been through, just turned 44, 3 failed IVFs - got pregnant each time and then lost the babies between 5 and 7 weeks. Good response each time although egg quality on the first was best, not great on the second and a bit better on the third - transferred three embryos each time. According to the consultant it is the egg quality due to age issue that most of us over 40s are battling with... I've had the immune and clotting tests, all fine so no obvious issue other than age. 

I'm ok about using an egg donor (although obviously I desperately want a child with my own eggs) and we're now seriously considering it but I have this part of me that thinks 'one more try of IVF?!'. Shall I try a different clinic who might use different drugs? (Still the same old eggs though!) If money was no object I'd be there doing again like a shot but egg donation is more expensive so realistically we need to use what little money we have left and can borrow from parents for that.

I know I'd be ok with a donor egg conceived child but it is second best let's face it, am I being unrealistic and just need to face the fact that it isn't going to work and I need to move on to DE or am I one step away from success?! If only we had a crystal ball! 

Any experiences or pearls of wisdom welcome...


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## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

Babydustneeded

If you need one more go at own egg to move on then do it then move on if it fails

I am doing one last OE and then moving on

Donor egg really isn't second best, it's a baby that grows inside you that will probably make you get morning sickness, make you feel fat and then you have to give birth....that's not second best its just being pregnant and having a baby as though you had conceived it naturally

Donor can have benefits over OE, less risk of miscarriage, higher success rates, no stimmulation drugs to make you go loopy! And if they grow into a demon teenager then it's not completely your fault!


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## Barbaratje (Nov 14, 2012)

Hoi babydust,

So sorry for your losses. 3bfps from3 cycles sounds brilliant and the idea that the next one will be the golden egg is really promising. So from that point of view I would say go for it. As you can see from my signature I was pretty tenatious on the OE myself. It really is very hard to walk away from 3 bfps. And from your post it sounds like you are not against DE but are no where near 'embracing' it yet either. 

On the other hand miscariages take their toll and even of you are 'prepared' they can be devastating.  You may find your golden egg but at what cost and at what age. How much will you enjoy the pregnancy ?  Knowing you will not be treated with own eggs after 45 are you OK to have an only child or would you be yearning for a sibling later?

So, no advice here other than take into consideration whether you want a sibling or are OK with an only child. And how long you are willing to wait for golden egg to show up. 
B


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi baby dust

I would say go for one more OE cycle, it doesn't sound like you are ready to give up on OE yet and, having got the bfp s, I would want to keep trying! 

We are about to start 4th OE cycle and I know I'm not at the stage of moving onto de yet though I know it is something I may have to consider. As dillydolly says the baby will still grow inside you and there are benefits!  But if you still have that seed of doubt don't do it yet, go for one more OE cycle!!! 

Good luck 
Xxx


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## Babydustneeded (Jul 1, 2013)

Thanks for the responses and encouragement ladies! I’ve just got to find the money and do it don’t I?! Then if it fails I’ll have to borrow the £8k from somewhere for DE – our clinic sends you to Spain. What’s a few thousand over a lifetime I keep reminding myself.

Dillydolly are you having another cycle at the moment? By moving on do you mean stopping or thinking about DE etc? 
Louise, fingers so crossed for your 4th cycle!

Barbaratje, that’s a really good point about the future, I’m only thinking about now – I might want to do this again. Are you trying again? I see you tried a new clinic and had a baby which is wonderful.

I’m wondering what meds other clinics use. I’ve been on Buselerin and Menopure for down reg and stimulation then on gestone injections rather than the pesseries. Do other meds affect egg quality or our chances? I’m wondering whether to do it again at the same clinic or whether to try somewhere else. The clinic I’ve been to has been excellent but there are others in London with a higher success rate.

I’m at the Agora in Brighton. ARGC rejected me for treatment as I have low white blood cells -it doesn’t affect anything to do with fertility but puts you at risk of infection which I haven’t had at all. I’m thinking of trying CRGH in London.
Anyone else considering donor eggs? I know a few people personally who have done IVF but nobody who’s gone the DE route.


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## Barbaratje (Nov 14, 2012)

Hey Louise,
sometimes a change of clinic can do you good. I feel it took me too long to decide and sometimes think I would have two by now if I had not stayed so long with first clinic. Sounds like you are doing flare protocol and maybe a new clinic would swap you to antagonist? Or even as I found, just the fact that things go smoother, better organized gives you more confidence. Anyway, for us OE journey is fi ished so if we go for a sibling it will be do or egg. 
I never heard of clinic refusng you for white cell count, how flipping unfortunate for you! Anyway glad you decided to go ahead with one more try. Good luck to you!
Cheers B


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## Babydustneeded (Jul 1, 2013)

I know, that was the ARGC, my boyfriend thinks they did it because they're more worried about their statistics. They even said they wouldn't treat me if I dealt with the white blood cell issue and then came back! Anyway, onwards and upwards somewhere else...

Re the change of clinic thing I think you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, good to change protocol, clinic or something as appropriate...


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## Izzybear (Aug 4, 2009)

Hi, sorry for your previous losses
I was in a similar situation and had my last OE m/c just as I turned 40.  My clinic at the time (CARE) were keen for me to either go down the DE or ArrayCGH routes 
I decided to take some time out and consider the options including some Donor counselling which was part of the CARE package, it helped to make my mind up but also convinced me that they were not the clinic for me.  Someone along the way told me that their experience of DE was that although someone else gives you the ball of wool, how the knitted article turns out is entirely up to you, I thought that was a lovely way of looking at it
Its in my signature but I went to Serum and had a hysto, they told me afterwards that the septum removal which care poopooed the idea of was taking up the whole of my womb.  I felt that they really wanted the best chance for me and although they felt I could try again with OE, I had already made my mind up that I couldn't face another mc and DE would give me the best chance.  I went back to Serum for a Donor cycle, I am now 26 weeks and have never looked back.
I wish you all the best in your decision xx


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## Babydustneeded (Jul 1, 2013)

Hi Izzy

Congratulations on the pregnancy that’s wonderful news. 

I have also had a counselling session, I find reading up as much as possible and talking to people helpful. 

Love the knitting analogy!

Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly. X


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## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

Babydustneeded

I am doing an OE cycle, if it fails then I will try donor egg. We have sperm issue too so may end up double!


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## Steph2012 (Mar 16, 2012)

Babydustneeded - so sorry to hear about your previous losses.
i think its a very tough decision for you to make but for me (we've been thinking about DE IVF) i wanted to be sure that i had done everything i could before i accepted that my own eggs weren't going to make our dreams come true so i would give OE IVF one final shot if you're undecided.
Another suggestion - i went to a seminar in a London hotel run by Shady Grove fertility centre - its a US based clinic with a great international DE program. i know you mentioned your clinic sends you somewhere else but SG runs these seminars pretty frequently, they're free (no obligation going forward) and it was a great opportunity to meet people who had had cherished beautiful babies with DE, listen to their journey (including what was the trigger point for switching from OE to DE) and meet other couples who are thinking about DE. 
Good luck whatever you decide. x


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## Goldie123 (Dec 5, 2011)

Just to say after trying ivf with my eggs, 8 miscarriages and 9 ivfs, I can honestly say, the baby we have now using a donor egg, is the biggest joy and relief of my life. I am 47 and the happiest woman in the world. I also have my other son who is 7, conceived naturally. I love them both equally! I went to Spain and paid much less then 8k.  Good luck what ever you decide.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

I was told at my first consultation that using my own eggs was a slim chance at best and that donor eggs would be a much more sensible decision. Of course I wanted to try with my own eggs! I have had two ICSI cycles  (one BFN one MMC) and just starting the third... i'm now in a position where I am MUCH more comfortable with the whole DE idea...it would still be important to me to have my own baby but I can imagine getting my head around DE now, I know what I need to do to be able to go down that route comfortably (including for me sitting down family members and discussing it!) but I am even getting some enthusiasm up for the idea. It really is a decision you can't rush. If you need another OE cycle or two before coming to DE then do it. There isn't a middle ground, it either feels ok or it doesn't. It's ok to be against DE and still get there in the end... or decide to stop completely... but I think giving up on OE baby is something that is a very personal decision and needs to be just right...

one sticking point for me with DE is that DH and I are on completely different pages about it! but I know this is something we could work through with counselling... (for example I am in the 'complete frank honesty' camp on 'telling people' and he's in the 'need to know basis' camp.... we'd have to get on the same page regarding that!)


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Goldie. That's so lovely to hear! So pleased it all worked out for you in the end 

I'm like you goldbunny, much more at ease with the possibility than I ever was before. It's not something I'd rule out though know I will need to do one or 2 more OE first just to satisfy myself I've tried as much as possible. 

Xx


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## Babydustneeded (Jul 1, 2013)

Hi Girls

Goldie - which clinic in Spain did you go to? I'm realistic so am still looking at DE but have now decided to go the OE route again for one last try and use a different clinic - can't keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome right? 

Steph - sounds like a great idea re the open day thanks, will look into it.

Quick update, I went to the CRGH yesterday (ARGC won't treat me due to nutropenia - which has no bearing on fertility anyway but that's a different story). Saw a great consultant there but need to have loads more tests now which is going to make the next cycle very expensive indeed. Oh well, I'm going to go for it, best to make sure I've really given it my best shot. Feeling very exhausted by the whole process but keen to crack on asap!

Dillydolly - good luck! let us know how you get on.

XX


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