# toddler tantrums



## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Anyone any tips on managing toddler behaviour.  Our ds is VERY defiant and thinks it is hilarious to not do as he is told from morning til night. If you are constantly loving and cute with him he is wonderful but that serves no purpose long term. He has to learn. We try to be strict yet far with consistent boundaries but I am getting really tired of it all!!!  Any suggestions?!?! By the way there are no obvious attachment problems or separation or loss etc as he shows very good attachments towards us. And so much love. 
Xx


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## Sunshine7155 (Sep 30, 2013)

Hi there fran

I know where you are coming with toddler tantrums - my son certainly has them on an hourly basis haha!

I am quite strict generally but I tend to focus more on when my son is doing something dangerous at the moment.  It is so hard as you don't want to be having battles all the time so I still say choose your battles and focus on a few things that you want to 'change or sort out' rather than trying to deal with everything,  I don't know if I a  making any sense here haha!

Anyway I just wanted to say you are not alone and I a  a firm believer in boundaries although try not to stress yourself out by focussing on too much in one go.

Wishing you lots of luck - sorry if this has not been that helpful but didn't want to read and run xxxxx


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

I've got a good book called Toddler Taming by Christopher Green; I find this is a very level source and it's advertised on the various parenting sites. It's humorous and helps you understand your child better with a view to changing you rather than them a lot of the time; I know my own reactions to bad / unwanted behaviour make it worse and I'm consciously working on this. When I'm really struggling I tend to flick through this.

We also use time outs which work well on our 21 month old, I use a timer to make sure it's clear. The children I know, both adopted and biological, who are over 2 years old really hate timeouts and I've often witnessed behaviour improve before my eyes when a timeout is mentioned by their parents. They work on my daughter but break up whatever she's doing rather than seem to be a punishment, it will break negative moods for example when she's stuck in a cycle of behaviour.


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Thanks ladies!!! I have bought that book. And I have taken note of your support.  Things have improved!!! I think we have had to spend alot of time with dd as she has been awful and we have kinda left him out. So he has had lots of tlc. Taking an awareness of danger rather than just constantly being strict! And I am also going to get a timer! 
So thanks for your help. Xxx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

My lo is 19 months as has just started with tantrums, I did do a parenting course before placement and one of the bits of advise was to ignore the tantrum as it was bad behaviour and only then give them attention once they have stopped. It is hard but seems to be working with our lo. He will throw himself on the floor and cry but now we ignore him he stops in a matter of seconds. Gets up and carries on with something else. A lot of his tantrums are due to the fact he can't get his own way, told no or can't get us to understand what he wants.  I have also made flash cards. They have pictures of his milk, juice, biscuit, cot, dinner, snack etc. so if he can't get the message across he goes to the pictures and points to what he wants. 
It's just a few ideas that I do that seems to work.  Take care 

Luv Mac xx


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## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

Thanks Mac, some great advise here I feel I'm going to need it soon, my 14 month old has already had a few tantrums 😳


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

If it makes you feel any better, DS isn't even a year old yet and started around 9 months. I wish I was joking!  According to parenting sites etc it's very common for them to start this early....no one told me! If he cannot have what he wants he gets angry, lies on the floor screaming and throws anything you try to give him by way of distraction. I like to think he's getting them over and done with early and no one tell me anything different


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

Thank goodness you posted MummyElf - I was starting to worry  My DD is just the same! She's 13 months now and will fling herself on the floor and scream and cry if we stop her doing something dangerous or don't give her something she wants. She can keep up her little tantrums for ages and if we try to distract her with something, she'll just bat it away and scream louder. DS has just hit 2 and is pretty good in comparison!


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

My lo hits and screams when cross and has even started saying 'you hurt/hit/pushed me!' None of it is true but he's so cross! 
I generally ignore shouting as i figure he's entitled to be cross sometimes and when he slows down i respond in a calm quiet voice which usually work.We make him say sorry but if the behaviour continues eventually he gets toys/treats taken away or 'time out' which he hates.
He's had quite the temper since he arrived at 10months and is now 2.5yrs.
Mind you, Yesterday i picked him up by the top of his arms to put him in his car seat. He yells at me 'you hurt me mummy! You hurt my arm mummy. Say sorry. Right. Now!!!' oh my goodness i heard myself in him!


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