# Not sure which route to take



## pinkmums (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi,

I first joined FF in 2009, but have not been active on here since then.

We have 2 children, DS who is 8 and DD who will be 7 next month, they are biologically mine from a previous straight relationship but we've been a family since they were very young so they call me "mummy" and my DW "mum" 

I met my DW 6 years ago and our Civil Partnership was on New Year's Eve 2010, we are hoping to get married soon.

We have tried DI with an anonymous donor, then my brother was our donor (as my DW will be carrying, not me!) so that biologically the baby would be as close to our as possible. But my brothers circumstances have changed and he is unable to help us anymore.

We have now found a new donor through Pride Angel but don't know what route to take.

We had hoped to conceive by self insemination, mainly so that we could do it privately, together and in the comfort of our own home....or a lovely hotel room! ;-) (we have built up lots of loyalty points from our previous attempts!)

But that option has clearly not worked for us so far, so now looking at different options including IUI and IVF.

We will probably not go for funding, for a few reasons,
* wait times
* having to feel like we need to argue and justify it
* we already have children so some areas won't allow us anyway, but also it means that another couple who don't have children can benefit.

One option were looking at is doing an egg sharing scheme if we go for the ivf, this means that it will help us financially but the main reason is to help others...I currently donate blood, I'm on the bone marrow transplant donor list, I'm looking to surrogate in the future and I am on the organ donor list 

So I have contacted a couple of clinics and just waiting to hear back.

What do people think of the pros, cons, and comparisons between iui and ivf

Thanks in advance for any advice


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## poppy05 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi
I didn't want to just read and not reply
Ultimately only you guys can decide on what you think are the best options for you, also your clinic will go through all of your options with you, they may suggest you have your dw eggs inplanted in you? theres a few different avenues you could go down, for us my dw doesnt want to be the one to have tx or be pg, she said she would use her eggs if mine were scrambled, but thats not the case, so we are having ivf, we decided the success rates of iui are to low to waste money on, that doesnt mean iui doesnt work, but personally we didnt want to try it, we wanted to put our all into 1 go of ivf, i have done 3 with ex dh, so this is my last go.
i have egg shared, it was quite stressful as you are wanting a good amount of eggs knowing they are for two of you, i managed to produce 20!! was v happy with that, myself and my recipient got pg, i mc'd mine, but moving forward and hoping this is my time.


also read that you want to get married and are already in a cp? i have heard that couples in cp's will be able to change our certificates for a marriage license by the end of the year? because said about getting married, but we had such a beautiful wedding day, we were reluctant, so its nice to know we can change our certificate.


good luck to you both
Danni xx


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## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

I agree with poppy in that it's a very personal decision.

That being said my wife and I started our journey late last year by going to alternative family show (we were civil partnered in nz last year on august 10th and were then one of the first same sex couples to be married in nz when the law changed on august 19th).  We chose our clinic close to us, didn't consider funding as at 35 our pct stops covering treatment.  The consultant said to try IUI so we had two natural cycles after a hycosy even with my low AMH consultant said there was a chance.  After the two cycles we have now decided to to IVF as the chances are higher and time is not on our side.

Hopefully first treatment works and I'm gearing up for the intensity of it in comparison to IUI however if it doesn't we will look to do treatment abroad.

Good luck in your journey.


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