# What do your children call birth family?



## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Hi

I was just asking what your children call thier birth family.

Im hopfully going to be aproved next week, and have been talking to my birth daughter about things. I just said in conversation 'tummy mummy'. Thought that was a good way to explain.

But then I was talking to my friend, and she said it makes it sound like a surragate mum.


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

My son is 4, and I've always used his birth parents' first names.  I try to avoid using the word Mummy in relation to BM, but everyone's different


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Bubba knows she grew in our hearts we haven't really talked about bm yet but agree with pl we will be refering to bm by her first name and life story book does. 

Good luck Xx


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

I am with PL.  The word 'Mummy' is reserved for me only, his Mummy  . I don't like 'tummy mummy' myself but each to their own hey  

BF are referred to by first names only.  

We started 'talking' adoption (not all the time but dropping it into conversation) from when our son was placed with us (before age 1 year).

X


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Well he can't talk yet but we have a picture and we say "X, whose tummy you grew in". I find it's easier to talk to a baby that can't talk back about difficult topics like this! So similar to Dame Edna.

Our SW said she found "tummy mummy" "yukky" so I was happy to go along with that!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Our children have always known they are adopted and grew in someone elses tummy and not mine.

We refereed to them as BM and BD which then got altered to calling them (BPS) by their first names.  Both are children are happy with this inofrmation and you find as your children get older you change what you call the BF in order to fit in with you and your family and what your children understand...hope that makes sense!

Andrea


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

As our son was 6 years old we asked him what he would like us to call his birth parents and he wanted us to us their first names,  to start with he would refer to them as mum and dad but gradually has started to use their first names himself now. when doing letter box last year he wrote a letter himself to BMW, he did how he should address it and we said it was up to him, he wrote her first name.


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

I have spoke to BC about it. But now d day is getting nearer we have been talking more about it. She understands that hopefully she will get another brother or sister that has been in another mummies tummy, which is where the 'tummy mummy' came from. Also said that it wont be a baby, more like one of her friends siblings age. 1 - 3 years old. She understands that the child may feel upset, confused, angry etc.

It does make sense not to label another person mummy. Prob just do as you all have said, call them by their names.

*Dame Edna*
How old was your child when you adopted? 
I was thinking of doing a life story book for BC. What do you think?


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi Baby

My DS was around 8 -12 months when placed with us, so a baby (I am sure you will appreciate why I am a bit vague about his exact age   ).  In my opinion, your adopted little one doesn't have to fully 'understand' adoption for you to start mentioning it.  Even if it is just to say 'we are so glad we adopted you', when puttig your little one to bed   .  Like 'the spouses' said, it's easier to start (and practice!) while they are non verbal/don't question stuff!  

I would say that it is a really nice idea to produce a life book for your birth daughter.  You could update it once your little one is placed with you too, to include your adopted little one in the family tree etc  

I haven't got a birth child but it sounds good to me and as you will have a life book for your adopted child, it makes sense for your birth child to have one too.  My only reservation would be that the adopted child's story prior to coming to you will be very different to your secure birth child's story  .  That said I still think it is a good idea to produce one for your BC as both 'stories' for both children will be known about sooner or later, whether they are written down or not!

Good luck  
X


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

I agree with PL . C knows his BM by her first name only. He actually very rarely asks/talks about where/who he was with before us.  Very occasionally he will ask a question but after that he doesn't seem to want to know anything else. 

X


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

the kids when they arrived called them old mum and dad  now its their first names
we tried tummy mummy and the youngest just got confused


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