# How long did you give before moving from IVF to Adoption?



## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi,


DH and I have been TTC for almost 5 years. We have endured a very rough rollercoaster ride during our 3 attempts at IVF PGD.  We are coming to the end of our final cycle (which almost never happened twice).


Some people will think it's inappropriate for me to post while being in my 2WW but please let me be clear I do not view adoption as 'the next best thing'. DH and I have agreed that we won't be doing another IVF cycle. If we are lucky for this little embie to stick we will still go ahead with adoption to help extend the lovely family we so long to build.


I have purchased some adoption books as I feel research is the 1st step. Last year I received adoption packs from two local authorities. I am interested in both domestic and international adoption.


How long did it take you from IVF to Adoption?


Thank you in advance x


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## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi hope&pray. I am considering adoption also but not at the stage to officially apply yet. I think when is the right time for you is difficult to answer. From the research I have done so far you will be required to wait around 6months from any tx you have had before applying to adopt. So as soon as you feel ready after this.  Doing lots of reading and researching and reading people's adoption diaries has given me lots of background advice and given me information about the process which will help you to decide when you feel ready to go ahead.
Good luck


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you shining star for taking the time to reply.  It's just such a blowing mind game and knowing where to start is really tough. Posting today has been a big move for me but I'm glad I have taken that step. I hope to gain lots of advice and support on here I just don't want to be judged for making the move so soon after IVF. It's been coming for a while though so I know I'm doing the right thing starting to research etc xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi honey.

I didn't want to read and run.

DH and I decided not to go down the IVF route as I've known for 10 years that getting pregnant would be nearly impossible. I hope the you have a sticky baby and all goes well.... On a practical note, mose LAs and VAs ask for 6 months from last fertility treatment ending to starting any kind of adoption process to allow you time to heal physically and emotionally.

All the best

xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi don't worry I think a lot of us have that moment when we know that this is our last one regardless. Me and DH like you knew that our last cycle was our last before starting it and like you said if it worked or not adoption was next for us (we've always wanted more than one.) 

We had to have FET after in aswell so it really dragged out  . We had our failed FET in November. We went to 2 adoption open evenings in December. We were honest about how long it had been since treatment and said that we wanted to start talking to people now so we could get anything they want us to do done on our 6 month wait and not have it slow us down at the other end. One wouldn't really talk to us till we had done our 6 month wait (they prefer 12 months.) The other agreed at my request to come and do our initial screening interview. They came out in January and accepted us for their June prep course. They are a small authority so only run 3 or 4 prep courses a year max. Their next one was February but it was full. Then June which ties on perfectly with our 6 month wait. However had it been April I think they would have let us do it and not said it's not quite 6 months. Their attitude was very different to most they were really positive. Basically they had the attitude that another authority would accept us if they didn't and they don't want to loose adopters. 

We have been very lucky a lot of other women on here in my position are struggling to get people to talk to them. I am counting down the weeks till June I know I am lucky to have it sorted while having to wait but it feels so long away x x x


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi Jes,

Thank you for replying hun, I do appreciate it.  We know now deep down that falling pregnant comes with a very fine chance, our 1st attempt ended in early miscarriage so we didn't get very far. Cycle 2 was a BFN and this has been a cycle from hell so far, the hardest one yet!  I have a blog 'My Infertility Journey' which I have used since 2011. When I sit and read that back the inner voice inside me screams "stop, enough is enough".  I've already spoken to two LA who put me through a ten minute conversation on the phone but obviously they stated that treatment would need to be finished. So that's where we are just now ... Our life feels like a constant waiting game!

How have you found the process so far?

X


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi Gwyneth27,

Thank you for replying! I'm glad I'm not alone - I've wanted to post on here for quite a while but I wasn't sure how people would react as I still have a week before this cycle comes to an end. As I've said though no matter the outcome Adoption will still be out next path.

Sorry to read about your unsuccessful IVF attempts I know how difficult it is. Although we move onto other paths, the journey will never truly leave us. I get what you mean about the break. So far I have spoken to 2 LA and they differ on preferences 1 said 6 months and they other said as soon as we are emotionally ready to make this move.  We are def ready to make the move but I know it's like a grieving process isn't? I know I still have a long way to go.

Have you filled in any paperwork yet or does that happen in June?

X


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi we had to wait 6 months after our last ivf until we could start the process, we actually had our initial sw visit on the day our 6 months was up. Was funny as sw started saying we require u to wait 6 months blah Blah i just smiled  and said good its 6 months today. It was also something we always thought we would do and i am  proud that we have ,our bubba is the best thing that's happened to us. 

Good luck Xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi aaaisamummy,

Just lovely news to see you have a daughter, it's lovely to see a happy ending! I hear lots about the 'home study' I think that's the main thing that I'm nervous about. Do you get support with it? 

X


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hi hope&pray. Our last treatment took place Feb 2010, and we applied to start the adoption process in June. We were told it would be fine because we wouldn't start our preparation course or homestudy till after the 6mths. Some regions ask for a year wait. We started in a very similar position to you with having already decided adoption was for us but being given an unexpected opportunity to do a 2nd round of IVF didn't want to wonder 'what if'. Our son came home Oct 2012. Altogether it took 2.5yrs but 5mths were delays we had to endure due to personal non-related issues. 
Although you feel ready and probably are to a point,  seriously take some time to get back to where you began (or better!) as a couple - take a holiday,  redecorate, etc! Honestly the drugs take months to truly leave your system - around 6mths after mine not only did I feel great and like the old 'fun' non-child obsessed me, but even all my friends noticed and commented on how wonderful it was to have 'me' back.   Most had supported me throughout and I totally agreed with them.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

All paper work etc to officially start will come in June. I agree that having some time for you as a couple again after so much trauma can be useful for some people. However for me I needed to know that I had it set up or I would have been anxious and stressed the whole time. I can get back to me because I know that the next step is in place. Everyone is different though. I honestly think for me and DH if we could have started this month we would. We are ready now and that was the SW's honest judgement of us. She said waiting isn't about them it's about you and having the time you need to grieve deal with everything and move on. Only you know when that is everyone is different.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Arrows, 

You are totally right and I agree with this 100%. I've already started on the decorating front (again) poor DH is losing the plot with me. Well, it's not my fault I spotted a corner sofa and swivel chair on Boxing Day. And yes of course we need to change the whole living room to match it. Haha. 

Obviously we need to get through the next 9 days before receiving our final answer to IVF#3 but going on previous attempts and PGD statistics our chances aren't the highest. The first thing on our list will be booking a wonderful summer holiday  our life's been on hold for some time due to treatment.

I've also neglected my friends and distanced myself - I just couldn't cope with being the only one without a child. Most of them have young babies so I've found it really tough. When we thought this cycle was over I gave myself a big talking too and a shake and I explained to them how I was feeling. They have all been wonderful so it's time to rebuild on some of that too.

My plan is to do as much reading and research so I'm in the best possible place before starting the process to bring our LO home xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you Gwyneth,

I would be delighted if they allowed us to attend things like information evenings and support groups - we need to learn as much as possible. I work in education so I have a little experience working alongside SW etc so I know how long these things can take. Like you DH and I can do fun things while the process begins etc. the last 5 years have been tough and brought heartache alongside it we just want to be a family - it's our only dream in life xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

We were anxious about the hs but we had a fantastic sw and we didn't actually have much to do ourselves. All visits lasted  2+ hours but never felt like they were that long. We just took one visit at a time never trying to jump too far ahead. In our 6 month break we had a holiday, sis in law got married, and we just had a really care free happy time. I read loads i am sure there  is a booklist somewhere on here i used library lots was cheaper that way as well.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

So far I have bought 'The Adoption Decision: 15 Things You Want To Know Before Adopting' and also 'What to Expect When You're Adopting'.  There are so many questions I need answered so I'm hoping books will help xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

We've found the process long but I'm hoping now we're starting prep tomorrow it will pick up.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Exciting  is the prep over a few days? X


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Sorry i really can't remember what i read i used to look at amazon see what jumped out at me. Ask away on here someone will know the answers.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Yep... 4 days. Some LAs/VAs do it over a couple of weeks but ours in one where it's 4 days in a row!


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you, you're all so kind! DH and I are also going to research International Adoption, we would really love to adopt a baby as hound as possible. Is that possible in the UK? X


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

JesP - that's great. Do you get time off work for that or do you need to use Annual Leave? X


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Taking holiday but as I'm about to be made redudant it doesn't matter too much lol


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Oh no!!!! So sorry to hear that  x


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hope,  international the youngest you'd get is a year. Domestic youngest is 6-10mths but I know a lot who got at 10mths.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

That's still younger that I thought. I thought around 2 years in the UK. That's settled me a little xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Bubba was 1 and 3 weeks old when she came home if dh dad hadn't died she would have been with us at 8-9 months.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you hun for replying - that's a great age. Did she settle ok? X


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

HopeandPray I know you are based in Scotland as seen you posting on GRI thread. I am going through Glasgow at moment if you have any questions give me a shout and I will try to help


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

I am Scotland too, South Lanarkshire.  Last treatment was December but we had decided a while ago it was the last, initial visit next Monday, am really nervous!

So when do you test? Xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Oliver,

Thank you. I spoke to a women from Children and Families back in September but I can't remember her name - I've hunted for my notes but not sure where I have out them.

How are you finding the process so far? X


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi Crazyroychick,

My result will be next Tue. I'm praying for a miracle but either way we will still be going through the adoption process as we are certainly over the IVF process. We've had enough and time to move on. This cycle has been the toughest one yet! x


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

We were exactly the same, had become totally obsessed by it, we were forgetting how to just be a normal couple, go out or on holiday every penny was spent on treatment!

We have booked a holiday and are enjoying just being us for now, as much as I am gutted I will never give birth I am so over treatment it takes you to hell  and back.

Best of luck for next Tuesday will keep everything crossed you get BFP xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

I feel the exact same and so does DH. I am trying SO hard to remain hopeful for next week but when we've hit so many bumpy roads already and then the PGD etc on top of it - it would need to be a miracle. I am just so over it!

I've ordered a bunch of books from Amazon so awaiting them any day. Research us the best place to start I think. So what have you done already? Application form? X


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Just enquiry form so far, initial visit next Monday then if they like us prep course next I think.  They said whole approval takes about a year then it's just a waiting game to be matched with LO.

You have to stay positive, it ain't over til the   appears, you just never know it may be 3rd time lucky xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Yea trying hard to keep my feet on the floor for the next week ... Don't think it will be easy though!


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Whoops posted to soon lol. Good luck with next week I will pop back to see how you got on xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Same to you, got everything crossed xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Bubba settled really well we had a few months of interrupted nights but she really adapted.well and so quickly. It was hard a lot harder than we thought but each week it got easier and after a couple of months was fab i wouldn t change  anything. Xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Hope&Pray2011 said:


> Oliver,
> 
> Thank you. I spoke to a women from Children and Families back in September but I can't remember her name - I've hunted for my notes but not sure where I have out them.
> 
> How are you finding the process so far? X


Everything has been ok so far. Social worker is lovely. I went to open evening in Jan, had prep group in April and then didnt start homestudy until December due to waiting for Social worker to be allocated. Hopefully wont be took long to get to panel. Homestudy is going well as weekly appts and social worker has said that we are getting through it at good rate.


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## jaxwee (Jun 16, 2004)

Hi
We had our last go of ICSI in aug/sep 2011 and made our initial enquiry in jan 2012. We were told we had to be 1 year clear of fertility treatment which we were by the time we got a place on a prep course which started in sep.


Good Luck x


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

aaa is mummy - that's great she settled so quickly. It's lovely to hear happy positive adoption stories. Many forums I've read seem to focus on the bad  Wishing you well on your journey xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Oliver,

Those timescales are not to bed.  How did you find the prep course can you give me an example of what happens at them.  It would be great to PM you once we get back in touch with Glasgow if that's ok? X


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you Jaxwee, 

I'm ok about taking a little time out - I think we would need it. If miracle embie sticks we would probably wait around 8 months before starting the adoption process anyway. X


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi everyone,

I found out this morning that my clinic made a mistake regarding my OTD date - so frustrating as its now pushed me back 6 days. I'm just glad I phoned them about it, I knew the dates didn't seem right. I won't know now until the 4th but I will test the weekend before my app.

I received an e mail this morning from Amazon saying my adoption books are now in the post. I'm keen to learn as much as possible xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Hope&Pray2011 said:


> Oliver,
> 
> Those timescales are not to bed. How did you find the prep course can you give me an example of what happens at them. It would be great to PM you once we get back in touch with Glasgow if that's ok? X


Hi 
Prep group in glasgow is two full days. Explain about adoption and doctor gives a talk as does a child psycolgist. Split up into groups and do some group work. An adopter also comes and tells you about the process and how its going. It is good (my husband was dreading it as hates those kind of team building days where you have a name badge but he thought was much better than had thought would be). After prep group need to fill in paperwork and send back if want to go ahead. Then a social worker comes out for a meeting in your home and all going well they gave you paperwork to officially apply. Once you send in forms just need to wait for social worker to be allocated for home study.
We were fortunate as my friend in work was around a year in front of us in process. Its good speaking to someone about it all. (They have an 18 month old boy home with them now).

We were in wait for ivf when I fell pregnant naturally. Had an early m/c at 6 weeks. Then fell pregnant again with twins, lost one baby at 9 weeks and our son at 16 weeks(pm showed had downs syndrome). At this stage we had pretty much decided that adoption was way forward. Had researched and was just about to call about adoption when letter came through at top list ivf. Were not sure but felt would regret if didnt give it one attempt.
I phoned Glasgow adoption services at this stage explained my situation and enquired about adoption, told them was going to have one go at ivf and if no success would call back.
Had ivf in Oct/Nov which showed as faint positive only. Called them back up following week. They normally make you wait 6 months after treatment but I think possibly after speaking to me felt I was ready to go ahead. Also I declined my second Nhs ivf so think that they were aware that I was stopping treatment to pursue ivf rather than at end of road. Went to info evening in Jan, so have been just over a year so far.
If have any questions you can pm me and will answer anything I can for you.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Hi Oliver,

Thank you for that  it's great just having an idea of the process.  That's good your DH found it all ok, I think mine will too as he is quite chatty and sociable. I know the chances of getting a baby is low but I want to try everything in my power to adopt as young as possible. We will also look into International Adoption. My books arrived today so the research begins.  

We also fell pregnant with twins and miscarried early on, it's such a difficult journey isn't it? I'm so drained by the whole process now.  Even as I type I sit here and analyse every twinge I feel - its ridiculous what it does both mentally and physically.  

Def time to close the door after this attempt x


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

I can honestly say that it was a huge relief when I finished treatment. I was told average age in Glasgow is around 18 months. New born babies are very rare. In saying that I know someone who adopted a baby girl only few days old and also someone else that adopted a little girl at 6 months. I am looking at a child 0-2 years and probably assuming that child will be around 18 months. Me and dh were just saying the other day that if we were matched with a baby we would probably go into shock as we are assuming will be bit older.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Oliver we were very shocked when we found out bubba was going to be just over a year when we met her. We had asked for 0-3 and i was totally convinced  we were going to be matched with a 3year old boy!! I remember ringing my mum and i kept saying its a baby ok she wasn't a baby baby but in our eyes  she was.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

We feel the same oliver and aaa, we have just been linked to a 5 month lo and were totally gobsmacked when we had the call from our sw. We were going for approval for 0-2 and we thought a match with an 18month year old would have been optimistic .  If everything goes to plan We will be cwtching our treasure at 7/8 months. 

Hope and pray - we had our last bfn in may  2012 but  like you had already decided that it was our last treatment. We really didn't know whether or not to go through with it. We new in our hearts it wouldn't work but we had frozen embryos and thought if we didn't try we would always wonder 'what if'. We mourned and grieved for several months and i really hit rock bottom in June/July then in August I woke up 1 morning and I knew I was ready. We phoned several la and had a few initial interviews, all apart from 1 (the la we went with) wanted us to wait 6-12 months before contacting them again our la said they felt we were ready. We were approved last Wednesday and were called with a possible match on thurs. we can't believe it. If things go to plan We may even have our lo in our arms before some of the la's would have let us begin the process - madness ?


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Flash wow bet those pre panel nerves are a dim and distant memory now hun  lol. Congratulations Xx


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you ladies for all your wonderful comments you have made me feel so welcome and for the 1st time I feel content that I'm going to be ok.  Your journeys I'm sure have not been easy but it's lovely talking to people that have came out the other side! IVF leaves me feeling defeated and empty at least adoption brings me light at the end of the tunnel. I know DH and I have a long way to go but I can now say that I will be a mummy one day. He/she might not grow in my tummy but he/she are already growing my my heart and soul and that's what being a mummy is all about. Thank you again xxx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

It truely is and the whole adoption experience highs and lows is so much more rewarding than the constant deflation of ivf. The day after we had our info evening i went shopping with my mum and i remember walking into baby shops and toy shops and crying and laughing with such happiness x


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

I can imagine hun.  I guess the day we get accepted is the day we become parents. I'm just so tired of the constant waiting game. Only 1 week left xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

That's how I felt it's not easy and still a lot of waiting and hoping but definitely a lot more positives than my ICSI experience. It's good to think about when not if.


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