# Step Sisters Wedding Help!



## yanni (May 9, 2005)

Hello ladies
  

Help I am in turmoil my step sister is getting married and I don't think I can face going. The reason being that My older brother is taking his two teenage kids my younger brother will be over from Australia with his two young children 3 years and 7 years, my step brother with his 3 kids and my step sister has got her 2 with her ( 2nd marriage) and having her tubes untied soon. 

I can cope with things in my way when I see them individually but this will be the first time we are all together as a family. I have tried to be positive and say yes I will go but deep down I cannot do it, I am only just getting well again after all my BFN's. 

How do I tell my dad who was so looking forward to us being all together, as he is unwell with diabetes and heart problems.

Any advice or words of encouragement would be gratefully appreciated.

Love Jackie


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hiya,

I didnt want to read and run, but your situation is a toughie.  Theres nothing worse than being confronted with tonnes of happy families.  However, my heart is inclined to say that this trip is really about everybody seeing your dad and the wedding so I really feel that this should be the focus, no matter how hard.  Be easy on yourself though,as hard as this may seem.  Give yoursef space, is it possible to maybe stay separately in a hotel so that you aren't faced with the families 100% of the time.  Make sure to have alone time with DH to make things easier, maybe even have a safety word that you know to ensure that you can maybe take 5.  On the bright side, there will probably be times when each family may want to spend time alone too.  From experience kids are usually seated separately at large do's. At weddings the parents may also naturally move their kids away so they aren't causing too much fuss and bother.
If there is a big family get together, maybe plan a little treat e.g. a nice warm bubble bath and a glass of wine for you to focus on that too may help. Do you know many other people going, perhaps figure out who you will speak to  the day?

I hope some of that helped, but good luck and keep in touch.

Nat xx


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## yanni (May 9, 2005)

Hello Natalie

thanks for your kind and very good words of encouragement, and yes I suppose I should go for my dad's sake, I would only spend the next year regretting it. I will put on my brave face that I know how to do so well I've had years of practice, you know what I mean. How are you getting along with your decision to stop trying for a baby?

Jackie


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hi,

You sound a lot perkier..good for you.  Maybe the thought of seeing your dad will keep you going and infact will help you focus on something happy.
Unfortunately, the decision to 'move on' was made for me, when I was diag  with TS 11yrs ago.Having no ovaries would mean that I would have to have de IVF, and for some TS women it has worked, however many docs don't recommend it as  many TS  women, like myself have tiny frames and heart murmurs and a pg could be quite harmful.  I have also discovered that many TS women adopt, again for some it can be hard as many agencies fail you at the medical as you have a pre-existing heart condition.  To be honest, even though my docs seemed reasonably happy with my med. condition the whole issue has never been one I have been happy working for, for me, 'moving on' has been the least painful way out.
BTW, I love the pic of you and DH in Cape Town, that is where my folks are from and I know Table Mountain quite well!!!  Where else have you visited?  It is quite a beautiful place.

Regards

Nats xx


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## yanni (May 9, 2005)

Hi Natalie
feeling a bit better today, thankyou. Yes Cape Town is the most beautiful place we have ever been to
and hope to return there again some day. We go to Chicago alot as my in laws live out there also Europe hoping to go to NZ one day to visit my best friend. How about you where have you been. Do you find it hard to see babies when you go our shopping or do you put on the happy face we are all so good at putting on, I often try to look the other way but my husband can't resist.
Hope to hear from you again very soon

Love Jackie


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hiya,

Wow, you are a globetrotter!  I, too love to go here there and everywhere.  As a former language student I went over most of Europe, and with my family I go to Cape Town quite a lot, though I haven't been in 2 years.  My dad is a diplomat, so occaisonally I get 'freebies', so in 2003 I went out to Laos in the far east.  When I've paid off all my student debts in 4years and 1 month (I'm counting!!!), I want to do a world trip before settling down into a mortgauge (possibly).
As I work with the public quite a lot, I do have the occaisonal moment, but I've got pretty experienced at knowing when I have to keep my distance.
Maybe because its because I'm only 28, but I can see the 'advantages' of being childless right now i.e. the freedom to travel, university and post-grad, and my 'blossoming' acting career. I do wonder how I'll feel in the next 10yrs when our circle of family and friends start to raise families. Many of them are only just starting to get married now.  However, my one real worry is my DH, we married very young (21yrs old!!!), and I wonder how he will change as the problem comes from my side.  I ask his opinion on a regular basis, and so far so good.  I think hes too busy enjoying going to the pub with the lads!!!!.

Keep in touch,

Nat xx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Jackie,

I really know how hard these weddings across continents can be. My younger brother married in the Phillipines 2 years ago and my step brother who lives in NZ is doing it next year in Fijji. It makes it into an even bigger occassion requiring us to spend more than the obligatory day at the wedding as the close family want to make it into a big family get together over several days.

I guess that you feel you must go? If so all I can suggest is that you enlist some support from guests you trust.  Let them know that while you are pleased for the marrying couple, family ocassions are tough as they confront you with all you miss as somebody who so wanted to be a mother. Tell them you need people who will look out for you. 

I was once dreading a family occasion and another FF on this moving on board offered to be my "text buddy" which meant she was waiting for any messages I sent her when it got too hard and she undertook to answer straight away. It was great knowing there was somebody who understood and was ready to listen to me whenever I needed. That fact alone made it easier to cope. So all I needed to say to my text buddy was "Thanks for being there. Met some good people. I'm doing fine!" She was great and texted to say "Well done! Here still if you need me." Afterwards I sent her flowers as I knew how much she loved them. (Otherwise I would have sent chocs or a book/CD token etc...)  Maybe you have a good friend who will be your text buddy? Maybe someone here?

I hope these ideas help,

LoL Jq xxx


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi guys

The 'text buddy' system is such a great idea.....i think we all tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to cope in difficult situations. I But the text buddy system would really help to relieve some of the pressure. I think i would feel more confident knowing i had someone who understands on hand. Whenever i speak to my friends though they always say 'you will be fine' sometimes they just don't 'get it'

I have some friends and their baby coming to stay this weekend......Argh i'm dreading it!! I know that sounds awful but it will be hard work keeping a smile on my face all weekend while they play happy families 

Good luck at the wedding Jackie  

Luv
Florie x


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Jackie,
In my view, occasions like this are what 'white lies' are made for. THere are ahundred excuses to come up with - sudden sickness, plumbing leak, car break down.... If you find youself in good spirits, then go - you can always sit at the back and make a quick exit (headaches are useful for this). Text buddying is good too. But if, on the day, you just want to curl up under the duvet - I say don't sweat it. Cry off sick or make something up. It's called self-preservation and it's not your job to be a martyr or a saint. Whatever you choose to do - remember we are with you every step of the way.
Bernie xxx


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