# Too old to adopt a baby?



## dinki debs (Feb 7, 2013)

Hello,

I'm 41 and hubby is 43 we have suffered two failed IVF's, two early miscarriages on clomid and one full term stillbirth due to medical negligence.

We are now considering the adoption journey but are worried we will be classed as too old to adopt a baby. Whilst we are desperate for a family we worry about only being 'approved' for an older child due to our ages, we appreciate there are many children who need loving homes but we feel that a young baby/toddler will be the best match for us.

Any help would be welcome.

Debs x


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi DinkiDebs...cant offer personal experience but if you scroll through the titles of threads on the adoptin section I think you will find where other people have asked the same question. And havin read that I think that as long as you have all the other ticks in the boxes then you will be ok. Sorry not much help just didnt want to read and run. Sounds like you have been through the mill. I hope u get your dream..love f x


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Debs

As frangipani says, there are threads on just this point. Have a look here, for starters http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=300052.0

I'm so sorry to read about Alfie  

Martha x


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Dinki,

Firstly I am so Sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately where I live there cannot be more then 40 yrs between you and your child and our local authority were quite adamant about that, so considering it would have taken us 3 yrs on average to get to the matching stage, we would have then been unable to adopt a child under two.  Sadly DH was worried about being able to bond, so we went for another ICSI cycle which luckily was successful.

Not everyone will agree with us, but it is how we felt and wanted that matters.

You will see from the other thread that someone has posted that some women have been matched with babies though.

Good luck
Stacey
X


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

So sorry for your loss   

Many people come to adoption at your ages (and older) and many go on to adopt children under the age of 2 years.  Since the Baby P incident there have been tighter measures put in place and more and more babies have been/are being removed at birth and therefore more babies are being adopted.  

Some agencies say a max of 45 year age gap but even then older people do still adopt babies so you are not too old.

The other good thing is the speeding up of the process, though I don't think the adopters side should be speeded up,  it should mean most people will get approved a lot quicker and therefore matching can start earlier.  

When looking at agencies ask them about timescales, ask them if they would approve you for a pre-schooler, if they are taking more than 12 months to get people to approval or say no to an under 5 based on your ages then go elsewhere.  The reality is that when you get taken on by an agency you can change your preference and its not until towards the end of HS that you and your SW really look at ages and number of children to be approved for.  When we first went through the process our LA were looking for couples prepared to adopt siblings which we were, however when it came to it there were no sibling groups available but lots of little singletons.  We went on to adopt again and my DH was 43 when we bought our 14month old DD home and not one of the agencies I'd contacted about children said he was too old to adopt a baby.

More and more children need adopting, the Government are working hard to ensure 'normal' people can adopt regardless of age (within reason), weight etc.  If you are 45, obese and have heart problems then you can understand the reluctance of placing a young child.  If you are fit and healthy and 45 then there really isn't an issue.  They want to know you are going to be around until the child grows into adulthood, no one can guarantee this obviously, but that is the main question when looking at age and health.  

Good luck

OT x


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

I will be 40 this year and dh will be 48. Last October we were approved to adopted 2 children under 5. We are still waiting for a match but thi has absolutely no reflection on our age. When we were doing homestudy and we said what age group we would like our SW actually said she wouldn't match us with children older than that as we are too young! I was surprised by this as I didn't really count us as young.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

My lo has been home a month. He is 2 this month and I've just turned 44 and my dh 45. We didn't want a younger child but it wouldn't have been a problem if we did. In fact we were approved for a child aged 2.5-5 so we went slightly younger. A friend we met going through training at the same time is 41 and is hoping for a young baby, there is a strong chance of a match with a 5 month old lo, she is just waiting to hear. When we went to our first meeting Sept 2011 we were told there are many more under 2's coming through then there were in the past and this seems to be true. Others adopters of similar ages to you on my training course have adopted siblings, age 1 and 2 and another couple a child under 12 months. Nobody has waited very long.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

my friend is  single and 44 1/2 yrs old  and approved to a 0-2 yr old she is awaiting a match and is in North London


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

As others have said depends on agency/la. When I applied rule was that for under 2 youngest partner could not be older than 39 years and 6 months at time of application but have now changed website at 0-5 years youngest partner cant be older than 45 at time of application. My la has a lot of under 2's


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi debs


Sorry to hear about your losses. I also had a stillbirth and then a few miscarriages. We went on to adopt a 10 month old baby son through adoption.


One of my friends has just adopted a 12 month old baby and she is in her early 40s so it's definitely not too late. There are lots of babies at the moment awaiting adoption.


Good luck and if you have any questions feel free to pm.


Panorama x


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