# 2 newbie guys, please be gentle



## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Hi everyone,

I have been lurking for a while here and now decided to register, introduce myself and ask for some guidance.  If I make any mistake, or have posted to the wrong forum, please be gentle with me.    I am quite new to forums. 

I am 36, my DP  (is that correct?) is 31, both male and have decided to have children.  I've been feeling "broody" (if a guy can feel that way) for some time now and is only getting worse now.  I am desperate, especially considering that I am going to be 37 this year.  

Anyway, we have taken initial legal guidance from someone who recommended this site (Hi there   ) and have made further enquiries, but before we return to get more legal advice, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.  I am keen to listen and avoid expensive and unnecesary legal costs and complications.

This is very new to me, and being of the male gender, I could honestly say that we're clueless.  So here it goes:

We are keen to have children of our own, I am more keen than my other half, as I long for a family of my own (not having any living relatives left).  This complicated matters as we need to find a surrogate mother. We have been looking for 7 months now, and it seems that it's going to lead us nowhere.  We just simply cannot find a surrogate mother.

So, we have now looked into surrogacy in India.  And this leads me to ask questions and your thoughts on this:

1.  Has anyone heard of The Rotunda clinic in Mumbai?
2. they do IVF treatments there, so how easy is to cryoship eggs from a donor here in UK?  Is that a difficult process?  Does that complicate matters legally (we will get legal advice on this, but just curious if it's worth even considering this option)
3.can the surrogate change her mind?
4. what are the success rates of a child birth when it comes to surrogacy?  They say it's 50-60%?  Is that possible?  Or do they actually mean that IVF success rates are that?  Does this mean that you just repeat the insemination, or do they call the whole thing off?
5. how difficult is to bring back the baby and how quickly is that done? More so, can then we register both of us as parents, considering that the law has been now voted on (but yet to be implemented)

I am sorry if this post is too long, promise will be shorter next time.

Thank you for all your help
Kevin


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## Shooting star (Apr 12, 2007)

Hi Kevin

I am sorry that I can not give any help or advice on the issues you have mentioned but someone probably can. There is a section on here however called 'ask a lawyer' so that might help. I just did not want to read without posting. The one thing I can understand is the desperate longing for a child and I wish you and your partner every success. After 4 years I now have a 10month old son so dreams do come true! I hope your dreams come true.

SS


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hi 
I'm going to move this thread to the surragcy area of FF in the hopes that a few more replies in response to your questions help you achive the dream of becoming parents, there are other places on FF you may wish to post on too, and by starting here, on intros was fine 



~Dizzi~


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm not really much help, new to this myself, just wanted to wish you Guys luck with your search. xx


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi
Welcome to FF 

I am sure Natalie Gamble our lawyer will be able to answer a lot of your questions 
You can find her here 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=216.0

I too can understand to longing for a child, as you can see from my signature we have been very lucky to have a surrogate (our sister in law) and bubs is due in 8 weeks !!!

Want to wish both of you so much luck, I really hope your dream comes true very soon 

love Jo
x x x


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

wow, thank you all for your responses, was not expecting that many and thank you for your kind wishes.  

Congratulations to shooting star and lgft on your little ones, good luck Jo, I bet you can't wait the moment you will hold the baby.  

Apparently in India, they cannot keep the child, as a binding contract will be signed.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Kevin and DP!

I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom to offer you about surrogacy or any of the other excellent advice you have already been given but I did want to just say welcome to FF, and to wish you loads of luck on your journey. 

C~x


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Caz said:


> t I did want to just say welcome to FF, and to wish you loads of luck on your journey.
> 
> C~x


Thanks Caz for welcoming us. Look forward to get involved in this forum


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## Shooting star (Apr 12, 2007)

Kevin

FF can be a little cofusing at first. Are you managing to find your way around ok?

SS


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Shooting star said:


> Kevin
> 
> FF can be a little cofusing at first. Are you managing to find your way around ok?
> 
> SS


Dear SS,

Thank you for the offer. I am fine so far, I keep have to refer to the page where the abbreviations are explained, but I think I'm getting the hang of this

Thanks again for the kind offer.


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## Shooting star (Apr 12, 2007)

No problem, glad you have it sorted!


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## angelwomb (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi Kevin,

I am a UK Surrogate & just wanted to say hello & welcome to the world of Surrogacy.

I'm currently 33wks & 4days pregnant for my best friends who I met on Miracles Do Happen. I've also met another couple on that board who I intend helping later in the year once my body has recovered from this little one.

I'm afraid I'm unable to answer all of your questions, however I'll try my best.
Although I personally have no experience or knowledge of clinics in India I do know a couple (luvdup) from Miracles Do Happen (she was originally from India, he was White British & their Surrogate was white British) who did Host Surrogacy (using the Intended Mother's eggs with the Intended Father's sperm) over there. They all travelled over there for the initial treatment & to cut a long story short they transferred 3 precious embies & then returned to the UK. However, it was decided that they would all return to India for the Surrogate to give birth there.

To be honest it's not impossible for the Surrogate to change her mind & keep the baby/babies. For this reason I would strongly recommend counselling for all parties & seek legal advice. Remember no written agreement is legally binding whether it be drawn up by a solicitor or personally by the parties involved. However, if in the tragic event that a Surrogate does change her mind & you have a counselling report for all parties, a written agreement & a damn good solicitor (Nat Gamble) it would strengthen your case in court.

Success rates for Surrogacy is much lower if choosing the Host route as IVF methods are used. However with Straight Surrogacy the Surrogate usually uses home insemination. With careful monitoring & accurate timing your success rate for achieving pregnancy is the same as any couple trying to conceive naturally. Once a pregnancy is confirmed chances of miscarriage when doing Straight Surrogacy is the same as any natural pregnancy.
Therefore I would say success rates of achieving pregnancy depends entirely on the individual Surrogate Mother & Intended Father (sperm count & motility). I know of Surrogates who have been lucky & achieved a positive result within a couple of months, however as with trying naturally it can take time. I would advise anyone TTC to allow a year for that BFP, if it happens before thats fab.
I personally started off helping my couple via Host Surrogacy. In Oct 2007 we transferred 2 precious embies & got a BFP first time, unfortunately we miscarried at around 5-6wks (m/c is of higher risk when doing Host Surrogacy). We then transferred 2 more precious embies in Jan 2008 but got a BFN. As a result of my Intended Mother's heart condition she was advised not to go through treatment again so we did Straight Surrogacy - it took us 6mths to get that all important BFP!!!!

With regard to bringing a baby back, how long it takes & whether you can both be named as the parents, I'd say the best person to ask is the lovely fertility lawyer Natalie Gamble. She has a world of knowledge when it comes to Surrogacy.

For what it's worth I know of 2 same sex couples on MDH who have successfully had their babies (a lovely male couple & a lovely female couple). There's also 2 other lovely male couples on there, one couple is starting insems with a UK Surrogate this month & the other couple has found a UK Surrogate but is yet to announce when they are about to start their special journey.
It can take up to a year or even two for couples to find a Surrogate that they click with here in the UK however this allows time to plan, prepare & research for the emotional rollarcoaster journey ahead. I say emotional rollarcoaster because no journey of Surrogacy is easy, you will come across many a hurdle before achieving your dream however I can say that the whole experience is well worthwhile when you do get there so hang in there & don't give in, all good things come to those who wait.


I wish you all the very best of luck with your special journey. Follow your heart to achieve your dream & always remember that miracles really DO happen!!!!!

Lots of love,
angelwomb
-x-x-x-x-x-


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Dear Angelwomb,

Can't thank you enough for the long and detailed response.  The guys you are helping are the luckiest people on earth.

I'm sorry I have not replied sooner, been a bit down, after getting some legal advice on the subject of surrogacy in India.  Basically, it's not worth pursuing, as for a gay couple it will be very risky.  As all surrogates there are getting paid for this, the English courts will not allow it.  So, the only way is to fight it in the High Court, just like the X&Y case last December (surrogacy in Ukraine). We just don't have the funds available to fight this in the High Court.  As much as I would like to, the legal costs are 50k upwards and no guarantee.

So, back to the drawing board. 

But your responses are very encouraging, so will soldier on and never give up.

Do you know what is the link for the MDH website?

Have a good weekend all,
Kevin


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Hi Kevin

Have PM'd you.


Amanda


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## samantha12 (Feb 8, 2009)

Hi, Im new to this site so dont really have much knowledge of what Im doing!! But my name is Sam and im looking to be a surrogate and I read your poat and was supprised you are finding it hard to find a surrogate in Britan, and are thinking of India. I am looking to be a surrogate, I have three children of my own and have now completed my family and would be happy to help childless couples in making there dreams come true. I have no idea where to start though, but i thought as you are looking for a surrogate and i am looking to be one maybe we could get to know each other, I have read up on surrogacy for a few months and know as much as I can I feel without actually having been throug it. Take care and any advice would be welcome Sam x


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Hi Sam,

Welcome to the forum.

I am new too, just joined not long ago.

Yes, we've been exploring India, but gave up, as it is just not possible, unless we have the funds to go to the High Court and get a HC judge to allow paying the surrogate.  Paying a surrogate is illegal in UK, but we thought that paying in India would be ok.  But it seems that if we are to apply for a parental order here, we have to obide by the UK law as well as Indian law.  All very complicated.

Let's keep in touch, see how we both feel about this.  I, myself, need guidance from the lovely people on this forum.  But am ready to step up a gear, so to speak.

Have a good evening, we're watching New Tricks (love Amanda Redman!)


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## samantha12 (Feb 8, 2009)

Hey again!

Ahh thats interesting. I didnt know about that in India, that you have to follow the UK law! I know its illegal to pay for surragacy here, only allowed to pay for genral expences that occur throug out the pregnancy! How come you havent tried to find a surrogate here in the UK then? By the sounds of it, it would prob be better to go through surrogacy here!  

I agree this site is really good, so are u looking for a straight surrogacy or host? 
Lots of questions for you!! Hope you are well and are having a good day!! Feel free to e mail me privatly if you like. 

Sam x


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