# Flat Spin Moments



## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

I've decided that I'm going to dump my FSMs here, in an attempt to leave them behind. If you didn't read my other post, a Flat Spin Moment is one where you either want to burst into tears, have the ground open up, or scream with rage.... I'm sure you get the drift!

Today's FSM; I inspect childcare for the givernment, and I had to go out this morning to visit a group that wants to change what it does, and needs our agreement. Thought it would be a low risk visit as the kids aren't back yet and therefore not too many cute kids and pregnant mums. And what do I get at the door? One of the group's staff greeting me with a bump the size mine should've have been if I'd not miscarried. Held it together for an hour, as she stroked her bump inches away from me, got outside in the street and burst into tears, then came back to my desk and phoned my manager to sign myself off sick. 

Universe, do me a favour, and cut me some slack.......

Please feel free to dump your FSMs too!



Leoarna x


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

Hello ladies!!! Firstly, well done Leoarna for recognising when you have been sent over the edge and doing the sensible thing and taking some time out! A lot of people try and carry on and make themselves worse. It is good that you recognise your limits. I had a similar experience earlier in the year when I met with a girl at a meeting who I didn't know was pregnant. I took an extended lunch hour and went shopping in Covent Garden to cheer myself up. Then a couple of hours later when I got back to the office her colleague also tells me she is pregnant! What a double whammy.

Here are my FSMs, which I prefer to call MODs(moans of the day) because then they can cover a more wide ranging bunch of moans. Be prepared, I've not been on the forum for the last couple of months so they cover a few weeks worth!

a) spending half a day at a friend's birthday where all the other guests without exception are mums, kids were also present. Managed to get drunk on pimms, wine and champagne and cried on the train on the way home
b) going out for dinner with husband's ex-girlfriend's daughter who is pregnant, listening to all symptoms of sickness, excitement about the future etc. cried in toilets of restaurant
c) receiving pics of my cousin's baby (cousin is about five years younger than me)
d) having my brother to live with me, which is actually a blessing as it reminds me that children are for life not just for the cute toddler years!! Unfortunately I appear to be playing mum rather than my own mum who doesn't live in England anymore
e) mum and dad going through divorce, they can't agree on anything and it will go to court wasting thousands of pounds.
f) had a trojan horse key logging thing on my home computer and spent all last week 
g) red friend arrived y'day (not that I expect to miss it these days)
h) the month of September marks the third year of trying to conceive naturally, although have not actually been trying for well over a year now.

Ah, feel better already!!! Anyone got anymore they'd like to dump?


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

yes!!! but i think too many to mention!!!

Main ones:

a.People who are not maternal getting pg so easy!!!

b. All the bloody wedding announcements in my family!!! Which means pg ones to follow!!

c. Horrible niece of dh's who is going to be at this family thing this weekend who is 6 mths pg!! (2nd in 18 mths)Think i will say she looks HUGE!!! Ha ha -she would hate that as she was very petite b4!!! Mindyou so was I !!!(b4 if took over!!)


Have many more but need to think about them!!


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Well done ladies! There must be more.................


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## karen j (May 19, 2004)

Hi everyone

ONE BIG one at the moment, being on HRT Ive put weight on round my middle( believe me Ive tried to lose it), THEN people who KNOW I was trying to concieve saying how nice it is to see Im pregnant.

        
FOR GODS SAKE   

I HATE MY LIFE AT THE MINUTE


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Being invited to party plans when successful IVF girl who is horrid is there (Yes, I’m jealous and proud of it – well secretly)

Having a bad foot STILL (trying to run before I can walk – NO really!)

Knowing a certain member of my family will end up pg by some no hoper cos she can’t be arsed to get a job and she will think it’s the easy way out.

ahhhhhhhhhh


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Great Post Leoarna!!!!!

On a more serious note, like Lucy said well done for taking time out and giving yourself abit of healing time. Sometimes work is not always the best escape route, especially your profession....it was a very brave move...i did the same as well...

Lovely to hear from you Lucy, i am sorry your list is long...
Irisheyes - it must look abit daunting in your family with the foreseable future....
Karen - ignorant and thick thats what i say..you would think someone would tread abit more lightly...
Nix - keep up with the massages....even if they do have IVf, we don't have to like them. Sometimes they do not even understand the extend of our pain, as you will see by my FSM..


Well my FSMs

1. I would like to   the woman i work with who said us people who do not have children live Selfish Lives...umm that one has still got to me...

2. Receiving a text from a work colleague who got pregnant with her first IVF, which is twins. (I feel the same Nix) She tells me she wants girls, but will be happy if its boys..Her hubby is going to see a medium,!!! ok right!!!..Sorry but secretely i hope she has boys and they end up like Grant and Phil Mitchel..  
Ummm there is a horrible streak in me sometimes..

thanks astridxxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Now for me that's enough of a response in one afternoon to know that we've hit a winning formula....

One more from me.....

My MIL, who I've explained to calmly a million times why I can't have IVF asking me yet again 'Is there nothing else the clinic can do?' when we told her our decision, and the next day saying to me, 'So, what you doing this week then Leoarna?'. Not the worst question anyone ever asked another, but in this case I just wanted to say, 'Well, getting used to the idea of never being a mother and facing the worst fear of my life.... How about you?' 

Keep on dumping those FSMs girls, and I shall sit on my sofa and smile at the thought of you all, as I drink wine for the fourth night in a row - haven't done for the while, something for the 'silver lining' thread, me thinks!

Leoarna xxxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Couple of FSMs spring to mind

1.  Cousin announced expected pg and I had to listen to my aunt and cousin go on and on and on and on and on about the joys of it all at a family party, then they asked if I was going to do another ICSI and before I'd finished my brief answer of "probably not" they were talking to another relative about the joys of it all again.  (Now I know I can be quite boring but I don't usually finish my audience with two words!)  I cried for hours after it was all over.

2.  Colleague announced pg the day I got back to work from my D&C after my m/c. Nobody knew, so I just carried on the smiles then went I cried my eyes out in the stationery cupboard.  Still, I found some handy post-it notes I didn't know we had!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oooh! I love this thread!  

I'd like to call these Fantastically Sh***y Moments if I may... because they are!

1) Family Gatherings - my inlaws aka my OUTLAWS... all want to discuss is my infertility and they expect me to sit there and answer all their questions about my ectopics and my infertility. Then the big debate comes up about ‘Why I Should Try IVF’ (have already tried it 4 times without success – unbeknown to most of the family). I spend most of my time counting the minutes until someone asks me a very personal question to which I reply something along the lines of ‘I don’t see what business it is of yours, I barely know you; even if you are my DH’s cousin/aunt/whatever’ Needless to say we don’t go to any family gatherings where possible any more! Would you want to go sit with a bunch of morons who think nothing of grilling you about excruciating personal stuff on a night out? I used to feel like there was no respite from my IF!

2) Social events - these can prove to be a nightmare when the blokes all talk work or sport and the ladies respectively talk about their offspring, schooling, when they plan to add to their families or arrival of grandchildren and all things I can’t join in with blah blah BLAH which means many times I have been sat in the midst of company feeling very isolated. Sometimes I wonder am I the only person I know who can go to a social event and not be able to hold a proper conversation with anyone?!

3) Great Advice Givers (yeah right, my ar*e)! the people who try and minimise my losses, my life experiences throughout my losses and attempts at IVF, who speak to me in platitudes, who don’t listen to what I have to say, who do not understand the reality I live in – and quite frankly how bloody lonely it is to wear the IF cloak sometimes! I have so many examples here there are too many to mention!

4) MIL... DH's brother & his horrible wife had their 2nd child and no-one told us... so when MIL rang inviting us all out with her to celebrate her birthday I asked DH to ask when the baby was due - it had been born 2 MONTHS before and no-one had breathed a word... I was fuming for DH because if that had been my bro and he hadn't told me I would have wanted to chop him into little pieces! 
The best of it is was: a) we were going out for a meal with them in a few days time and we would have seen the baby there and then without any warning 
b) we didn't feel like we could buy the little 'un anything because we had been so blatently left out about his arrival - it would have looked pretty silly turning up with a card and present for the 'new born'
c) MIL flipped it all around, had a screaming fit at me and accused me of not getting in contact with her to see when their baby would be due - HELLO? Don't people usually announce to you when they have kids? And - point of interest here - do people usually leave it to their parents to spread the word when their child is born?!  
We had a massive stand up row and I gave it to her really good and proper and told her more than a few home truths! And boy did it feel GOOD! LOL!  

Silly screwy people! Go jump in the lake all of them I say!    

Fab idea Leoarna!

Love to all
Emcee x


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Oh god and i have 2 family in law things this week- am sure i will have more to add to the list once i have seen the horrinle pg niece again!!!!

One good thing tho is that my mil and fil never ask about kids as 

a, Other son(dh's bro) and wife have been married 14 yrs and no kids.I know that theybtried icsi a few times 2 yrs ago but rest of family dont. They obviously never ask us as they have set a precedent of not having any.

b. dh would never tell them anything private anyway.

I have my answer ready for the smug niece from hell if she asks- i will say " well i have done my bit with kids since my sdaughter is nearly up.We are concentrating on time for ourselves now and going out a lot!!!! When were you last out??

Ha ha       Hope it doesnt all go pear shaped!!!!


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Leoarna, and all the other lovely ladies!!

sorry I've taken so long to reply to these boards recently!

Firstly, Leoarna, I'm so glad you've found us and are taking such an active part in the boards here - you will find this place SUCH a comforting, consolidating, "at home" place to be I'm sure .........

Well, to add to all your brill FSM moments already:

1.  Listening to my best friend go on about how she had such a "rotten mother's day, no-one made a fuss ....."  .... er, hello
2.  Listening to people going on about how "such and such had x amount of IVFs, tried for years and ... oh, when then went on holiday, they fell pregnanct ....."  Grrrrrr - GO AWAY!!!!
3.  "Miracle babies" following ............ 1 attempt at IVF !!!!  (naughty me!!)
4.  Like my friend Emcee says, feeling like the "poor failure " at the night out when everyone's banging on about their kids and I find myself looking around the room with nothing to say .......
5.  Watching Mums rub their fat bellies
6.  Watching groups of "happy Mums" push prams together!!

errrmm, I'm sure there are loads more, but you all get the drift!!

this is GREAt therapy, don't you wish you could all print off and circulate around your friends/family?!!  What a nice Xmas present that would be for us!!  

Love to all
gill xo


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Gill, thanks for the compliment. I know from previous expereince, that my use of the site can ebb and flow; after my m/c I just couldn't post at all for a couple of months. But for now I am getting SO MUCH HELP from being here, and thus the least I can do is give other people something to read / laugh at / agree with, etc, etc......

Leoarna xx

I'm also off work and my employer pays for my broadband connection, so I can easily nip on anytime.....[br]: 6/09/06, 08:21Had a near miss this morning on the FSM front.

Woke up as usual to the sounds of Radio 5 (not my choice but hubby's!). Only this morning, I can hear the voice of my consultant, Gill Lockwood, talking about egg freezing for women who want a better chance of having children later on. This stung a bit because when I broke up from my first husband, at 31, I seriously considered freezing some, as I had a hunch that it was all going to go wrong for me, and I had no idea if I was going to meet anyone else. In the end I didn't do it because it's a)expensive, and b) I met my now hubby, and hoped we'd get on with it in time. Now with hindsight........ Still, I listened to what she and another chap said about it's low success rates, got up, made my hubby's coffee and my hot water with lemon, and managed to start my day.

Unless I move to an igloo somewhere near the South Pole, I have to accept, that at any given moment, the media / our friends / our families, etc, etc, etc will find a way to remind us of what might have been.

Leoarna xxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Leoarna

I'm so sorry you felt "stung" by this......... 

In my (humble) opinion, this is the media hyping up more "miracle opportunities" for women ..... and as you say, how many of us could have/can afford this option anyway?  

Anyway, as you said, Hindsight is a wonderful thing .....

Who's to say if you HAD done this, all your eggs would have survived the thaw?  The other thing is, who's to say, all the ovulation induction wouldn't have damaged your "fresh" eggs you have today?  Unfortunately, none of us  know what's ahead and there are no guarantees ......

i know it's difficult huni, but try not to dwell on this too much.  We will never know the answers to any of this ....

Its such a shame, when i heard this news this morning, I knew immediately, there would be lots of ladies out there thinking "what if" and hurting today and I felt so saddened .....

All I can say is, try to focus on the future, rather than looking back huni,
Hope your day gets better
All my love
Gill xo


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Thanks so much Gill.... I have been pondering today, but ultimately, when another specialist said this afternoon on a show my husband was listening to, that less than a 100 children have been born worldwide this way, I realised that it would've been only the remotest of guarantees. And so the questions you pose in your post about whether it would have worked or not are completely legitimate, and so, that's where I'm going to leave my thinking... Thanks again, huni, very kind of you to post.

Leoarna xxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Question for Leonora Noticed you are close to my age.What is your fsh level if you dont mind me asking? Mine went up from 11 to 13 in one year-last test feb.I was hoping to go on clomid but was told that it could reduce my years of ttc naturally as clomid can raise fsh even more.I know this isnt exactly along the lines of egg freezing but if i had been told when i was 31 about clomid i could have gone on it then!!! Which annoys me!!!


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hey, irisheyes, my FSH was at 8 in July 05, and up to 26 in Jan 06. I dread to think what it is now! I've never been offered clomid for the same reasons as it is too late for my to have stimulation for IVF - I probably won't respond, as my body is already working overtime. I have heard, however, that FSH moves around a lot, and doesn't necessarily follow a strict gradient down hill, if you get my meaning. Also, there's some evidence that taking wheatgrass (as a tablet, powder, or most laboriously of all, growing and juicing yourself) can reduce it, and I do take it as a powder supplement in my morning smoothie.

The stuff we end up knowing!

Leoarna x[br]: 7/09/06, 15:53Gill and irisheyes,

have been mulling over what you have both told me about the effects of the stimulation drugs on egg quality, and have to say it has helped me feel better about my decision not to freeze my eggs, and to even feel a bit better about the fact that hubby and I didn't get started until it was pretty much too late. Because I've never been offered clomid, I'd never learnt about its side effects. Funny how you get comfort, with this stuff, isn't it?!

Leoarna xxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hey leonora, yes you are right-its amazing the things we learn thru having treatment.i would never have known half as much about my body if i had conceived naturally!!!! funnily enough i have recently been able to pass on some of this info to a girl in work who is starting out on getting tests etc done as she is worried that she isnt conceiving properly.It makes me feel that it was all worth something!!! does that make sense?

nearly finished for the weekend so will log on again on monday


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