# Coping with the inferility on my own



## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Hi All.
I havent posted on FF for ages, as you can see from my signature ive been through alot over the past few years with IF and my relationship.

Eventhough im not married or going to be in a relationship for a long time...IF still consumes me.
I think/dream about being a mother and its feels like unattainable dream.

I look up any weird and wonderful cures for IF.... Read about any research about IVF...

Im having a hard time letting go, this has been apart of life for the last 6 years ....And now that im on my own, i feel even more down about it 

I dont know who to talk to, i think my family and friends are sick of my sadness and anger at everything thats happened


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Hi Sophie

Just read your post and can really relate to your situation as mine is very similar actually...

It can be a lonely place dealing with all this alone - do you have any support, e.g. counselling? I've just started this because I need a place to vent and process what I've been through during the last year in terms of my relationship breaking down and failed IVF and it's probably the best thing I can do for myself at the moment. I've also joined a gym to help lift my mood. I too have blocked tubes and am getting a second opinion on the NHS in December. It will probably be DE IVF for me when I've saved the money - it's not easy. Know you're not alone.


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

I was going to counselling but stopped. .its quite expensive
but I think I will make that my priority again.
Trying to get fit again. Well I've lost 1.5stones due to stress ..anxiety and my love of food is over!!
But my body is weak. .I found running difficult.
I've been for a second opinion and now looking at other ways to unblocked tubes. I think this will keep me busy for the next few months 
I've just accepted I'm divorced now. .well just about.
So I still have alot changes ahead.  I need to move out of my parents and find a new job away from old home and him.
Find new friends ..All my friends were the wives of his friends.


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

Hey Sophie and Gaia, 

I'd just like to say I feel exactly the way you feel. I am on my own and it's hard. and lonely.

For me it is low AMH and early menopause. I am mourning the loss of my fertility but friends and family don't really see why I am so sad. They are like, well, there's nothing you can do. I guess they're right. No point being miserable. But I am sad because this is not how I imagined my life. I know i am lucky in other respects but I'm lonely.

Gaia, I will probably end up doing DE later on next year but I still need to feel comfortable about this.  

Sophie - it sounds good that you're ready to move away. I still haven't made the break from my ex. I know I have to. I am not sure where to go, though. I am at home wiht my mum - this is good for when I get pregnant - as I'll need the support but not so good for now, if you get what I mean.  

Therapy is expensive. I am doing lots of it and it helps. Sophie, definitely make it a priority. it will help you take small steps. Find what you enjoy doing again. This is waht I'm trying to do.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Hi

What a lot you're having to contend with.

Your gp should be able to refer you for free/cheaper counselling.

Help save the pennies. 

Though not ideal it IS still possible to be a mummy be it via fertility treatment or adoption. A different than envisaged way forward but possibility nonetheless. 

I'm a solo mummy - sat nursing now - best thing I've ever done!!!! 

The dream doesn't have to end.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi Sophie, 
just like to say i read your post and my heart goes out to you. 
what a tough time you have had. 
life can be exceptionally cruel. 

it sounds like you are a strong person, Strong enough to do this on your own. 

I hope you find a way foward 
xxxxxxx


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## Mrsball (May 10, 2013)

Hi sophie
I've been off here a while trying to deal with my own stress and depression. But just wanted to say I'm still thinking of you. 
Stay strong x x


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## pearlyqueen (Aug 31, 2013)

Dear Sophie, Gaia and Lucky... just wanted to say sorry for what you have been through, and wishing you all happiness.
I'm in similar situation although OH and I are still together - for now - but I don't think we will last much longer. I'm sort of hanging on in here partly because splitting is going to be a logistical nightmare, and I need his sperm - but do I really want his child if we are just going to split
I know that if children had come along I would not be here writing this, it would all be fine.
Hugs to you all xxxxx


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

pearlyqueen said:


> I need his sperm - but do I really want his child if we are just going to split


Imo if you think it likely you will split you need to consider calmly:

Maintenance money and access versus less money no father figure.

In a crux that's what your choice comes down to.

Hard decision but would go with ds to break ties and have chance of new start..... But easy for me to say....

Good luck


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Hi ladies, 

thank you all for replying and your well wishes 

In all honesty I still want to be with my ex and think he is wonderful person. The depression and thought of never having a family got to us both. Always a a bit of wishful thinking on my part. 

I keep making plans but never stay with them


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Sophie is getting back with your ex if you were willing to do counselling together an option?? do you have any contact with him? I just wonder if him having had a cooling off period also feels similar to you  

I know previously you've said some ideas aren't an option for you especially single motherhood etc as per your Islamic faith and family values and I know how difficult finding another husband could be for you (although not imposible) and I urge you to keep exploring as if that opportunity arises you can be prepared  Just curious what option is open to you for your blocked tubes? I had mine removed x


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Gosh I wished he felt the same way but no. There's no guarantee that ivf would work or that I would be able to do it naturally.
I think he's in a much a happier place without me

Right now.  I am trying anything to help. I'm having cupping and massages to help both my periods and hopefully blocked tubes. Already restarted periods after one session 

Secondly get my head right. .so that's counselling again on my own. 

I want to try on move on ..like move back to London ..obviously not near my ex but close to work and build a new life ...
One that may not include children. ...so I'm trying to get a career going.
I know it's not going to replace love of a husband or children. .I guess focus and distraction would help

Xmas will always be a reminded of when we broke up so I need keep strong for the next few weeks


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Sophie much love to you as a marriage break-up is one of the worst places to be in   even though we hate to hear it the old cliche is true that it does get easier as you transition through loss, grief, anger, acceptance etc in fact you may be hitting acceptance stage as thats when we fight our way back to have a life again and that's a really positive sign you're going to be ok  

Great news you already had a period after one session, I heard maya massage for blocked tubes never tried it tho!

Good you have a plan for career advancement and yes life without children can be wonderful too and fulfilling in so many other ways!!! Keep busy and fill your life so there is no room to keep mulling the past and also the more opportunities the more chance for fulfillment.

Well done Sophie keep your head up xoxo


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Thanks for your replies.  I feel like the if I just focus on work and me  up in my career I might finally have something I can call an achievement.

I have good and bad days..and more often sleep less nights.


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