# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption 2005 Part 2



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Time for a new home girls. I hope I'e managed to keep up to date with everyone's news.

Love
Karen x

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moved in on 9/12/04 

*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April. X moved in on 8/11/04 


*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, who moved in in January 2005.


* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Awaiting court decision on a match, court approved freeing for adoption, now waiting for timetable for introductions.


 * Waiting for Panel Date/Panel Result *

*Everhopeful*: Panel 17th Feb 2005



* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Ruth*: Currently doing home assessment. Assigned a new SW now moved house.

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

*Mandy* (MSW): Starting home assessment in December, panel date of 3/3/05 given

*Nat* (Crazy): Currently doing home assessment.

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW. prep course Jan/Feb 05.

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course Feb 2005

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

*Morgana*: Allocated SW, Prep course May 2005

*Donnalee*: Home assessment starts 18/1/05

* LB *: Prep course starts in Jan 2005

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

*Tracey H*: Allocated SW and attending prep course in Feb 2005.

* JenniferF* Awaiting vist from Sw to start prep course

*Pam (saphy75) * Prep course in the Spring of 2005

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04

* Val 12 * Prep course starts Feb 2005

* Jude2 * Prep course starts April 2005



* Initial Stages *

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* HelenB * Information Day with LA 17th December

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option

* Magenta * Made initial contact with the agencies

* Natasha * Intro evening 11th Jan 2005



* Oh where oh where can they be! *

*Carol *(allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

*Jo *(jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hello all - thanks for our new home Karen. Last one soon filled up didn't it?! 

Well no news til next week about form E but today we've received our form F and we are so chuffed!!!!!


Really pleased with it. Sounds so good I hardly recognise myself!!! So now in final prep stages and only 3 weeks 6 days to panel (not that I'm counting or anything!)
Things seem to have happened so quickly, hoping we can make the final leap and make things real!

I'll keep posting.

Mandy- hope sw's visit with your parents went well. Sure it did!

Take care


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hey everhopeful you must be so excited thats great!
Karen I did laugh when I read your post about the shiner!
I teach kids with special needs, and some years I am literally black and blue on my hands andarmsfrom bites,pinches and thumps! You learn to laugh about it pretty quick. It makes for some interesting dinner conversations too! 
kylie
xx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi girls

We have completed day 2 of the prep course today - it has been really enlightening so far and we have enjoyed it

there has been a lot to take in and we knew it would not be easy or quick (adoption that is) but i think the course really brings it home to you - we are still enthusiastic though so don't panic anyone 

we complete the course next Friday and Saturday and are already looking forward to it.  

All girls waiting to go on the course - we feel it is nice to be going through a pro active part of the process - i reckon all us girls are patient but it is great to be on the move for a while - hope this makes sense.

take care girls
LB
X


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Hi LB 

Glad to hear all's going well with the prep course.  Have been thinking of you.  

Lots of love and luck 

Jayne x


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## donnalee (May 21, 2003)

Hi Everyone,
Our  first HS went ok.
Have one on Mon 24th and Fri Feb 4th.
SW said we are working to panel , sometime in June 
It is a busy board , alot of you are going on prep courses.

Everhopeful: Pleased you are going to panel soon.and that you might have a match 
I'm counting the weeks. and it is not until June 
Bye for now
Donnaleex


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi all.. good to read everyones news!! Remember each day is a day nearer to being a family xx

Thought i would fill you in on our news.  As you all know xxxx was placed in November and he continues to thrive with us.  He really is a lovely boy who we grow to love more each day, in fact everyone does..  We have heard in the week that his newborn sister is for adoption and we have been approached to have her also.!!  Ye Haaaaaaaaa!! We were hoping this would happen but obviously were being a little reserved.  We have to therefore start the whole adoption process again because she is a second child and they were not placed together.  The lead is planning for her to be placed with us by April.  Its fantastic news.. So pleased we will be having siblings. A son and a daughter in 8 months its surreal, i never never thought our lives would change so much in less than a year, it could be you!!  
Still have a little reservation because we have to wait untill March to hopefully get the care order.  But all involved VVV positive.  Fingers crossed.  What will be will.  So about to start thinking about what we will need for a 5 month old baby, we are sure going to have our hands full!!  and we can't wait!!
Will keep you all updated on our progress.  LOve and best wishes to every one Becky xxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Becky, that's great news! Thanks for sharing it with us.

You must be over the moon (even if a little reserved!) I feel all warm inside for you! It'll be lovely to have a 5mth old baby girl to complete your sibling family... so far!

Best of luck for March.... and hopefully you'll be able to enjoy some more shopping!!!

Keep us informed.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

LB - great news on the course, glad you are enjoying it so much.

Donna - great news on your home study.  June will be here before you know it and there is plenty to keep you busy between now and then.

Becky - great news about your little boys sibling.  If you get the approval make sure you have as much introductions involving your little boy as possible as it will help him to be more accepting of her when she moves in.  Its not like he was involved in the pregnancy to understand he had a sibling arriving (even though his understanding would be minimal given his age).  We're feeling it now with our two as the eldest had our undivided attention for 4 weeks before her sister moved in and now finds it hard to accept that she has to share her Mummy and Daddy.

Hope everyone else is well and really good to see the board in good spirits.

Love
Karen x


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Hi,

Nice to hear your news, Bex, though Ican understand your reserve.

LB:  glad youa re enjoying prep course.  I know what you mean about doing somethign pro active.  it does seem like a lot of time goes by waiting for the next thing to happen. S till after years of TTC, we are used to waiting!

We had our first meeting with LA on Tuesday:  it was fairly intensive grilling (much more than I was expecting with opening gambit of 'tell me about your childhood' and then quite soon 'was it love at frist sight' and so on).  However, we did 'pass' this first stage and they rang on Wednesday to say they would like to take us on.


Now we have the form, and we have to give them the names of 6 personal, non related adoptees who know us both well, from whom they will pick 2 or 3.  This is fine in a way, as I have a number of close friends who know us both, but they are of course 'my' friends primarily, and they are all women.  i have male friends but they are 'going out' friends and I would not think they would be qualified to give an informed opinion on our suitability to be adoptive parents.

My husband has 3 best friends who know me as well:  the trouble is that one of them is my brother, another has moved to America for a few years and the other lives in West Sussex (and we don't see them that much becauase of this,as we live in London).  So I am worried about giving them 6 female referees.  otherwise I could give them the husband of one of my referees, as we know him well as well, but he is still a 'proxy' friend.  Or a work mate of my husband's, who is very nice but perhaps nto terribly SW friendly (he is from Greece and middle aged and has some rather old -fashioned attitudes).

Do you think they will think it weird if we have only women, and is it OK to put people on there who are quite far away?  What did everybody else do?

Sorry for long e-mail.  jsut started process and already paranoid.

Love
Judith
xxx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Jude,

I'm from Dublin and we were going to use 2 close friends of ours from there. Our SW was very happy about that and said she'd work on a saturday if they came over for the weekend to visit. Another couple lived about 70 miles away and SW said that they'd drive up and visit them.....described as a day out! So i wouldn't worry about people being far away. You could always tlak to the SW about it and see who of your suggestions they thought was most suitable. We are using my brother and DH's sister as 2 or our 6. Our SW said she'd like to meet some family and they were the only people who knew us both for more than 2 years and who had seen us with kids alot......i think I'm babbling now....am stuffed up with a cold, but hope I'm making soem sense!

XXXRuth.


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Guys

I'm feeling a bit confused and not sure what to do.

DH and I went to a christening on sunday and it has sent my head spinning again.  On saturday we got a letter from our LA to say thanks for coming to the open evening and that they will be intouch soon to send a social worker round to us. But having been to the Christening on Sunday, I now want to keep trying for my own. 

Any ideas.  DH said that I had buried my real feelings by trying to get into the adoption process and this has bought it to a head again and now i really don't know what to do.

Good Luck Becky with your littlen, hope you get her soon.

Love Tasha
x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Natasha,

worst thing you can do is get stressed by it. Give youself a week or two and then think about why you had decided on adoption the first time around. Those sorts of family events can be a overwhelming. 

There is nothing to stop you trying for one of your own a few years after you've adopted. Obviously you'd have to see how your adopted child settles before you could say when, but I haven't given up the idea of having one of my own one day even though I'm fully committed to adoption now. If it turns out that my adopteed (hopefully!) children would be too unsettled by having one of my own then I'll think again, but at the moment adoption is right for us.

At the end of the day it sounds like your DH will be supportive of whatever your decision will be, but you're the only one who can make it! 

good luck 
XXXRuth.


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Ruth,

Thanks for replying, really don't know what to do.  I do want to adopt I would love to give a child a nice home, but at the end of the day i keep thinking about wanting my own and wonder if my i would take my feelings out on the adopted children.

A lot of it i think is that we haven't had any treatment at all.  We've been to london and they have told us what they would do and that is it, and I think that for a lot of ladies on here they have had treatment and decided that enough is enough, were i have just gone straight to it.


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Natasha, if you haven't had any treatment and can afford some then I would give treatment a go first, just to know that you have tried every angle to have your own child - we ttc our own second child for 3 years, including Clomid, IUI and IVF treatment during that time, before deciding that adoption was right for us now.  

Clomid is usually the first step if you aren't ovulating properly, then IUI if your tubes are ok and your partner's sperm isn't too bad and then IVF.  If you are under 40 you are entitled to a free go at IVF on the NHS otherwise it costs about £3K a go (inc drugs) so it is not a cheap option.  Once you have exhausted your funds or feel it is the end of the road then you can go down the adoption route with the knowledge that it is the right thing for you to do now.  

Of course this is only my opinion, after my own experience, so you must do what feels right for you and your dh.

All the best

Jenny


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Thanks Jenny,

I think I will look more into trying for our own, its just so expensive for our type of treatment, about 12k just for one go as DH has balanced translocations chromosones, and so we need PGD.

Hopefully i've got my figures wrong but we've been refered a large hospital in London, can't for the life of me remember what it is, something like the university i think.

Not sure, head is spinning as i think this post shows.  Maybe i'll call them and find out  a bit more about the cost of it all first. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings.
Tasha
x


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Hi Natasha,

I think maybe it would be an idea to have a go/think about it more if you have not yet had any treatment.  it is hard deciding to stop treatment but I think must be harder still if you have never given it a go.  You may have that 'what if' feeling forever, especially if you have made the decision on the basis of cost.

I think you may have got your sums wrong though:  our clinic said that if we had it, it would add £2000 to the cost of our cycle, which is about £5000 at that clinic, for an ICSI cycle rather than IVF.    I had immune issues as well however which meant another £5000 on drugs.  But you are unlikely to have those.  

You don;t have to go with the clinic you have been recommended, which sounds like UCH:  University COllege Hospital.  My clinic was ARGC:  they have a very high success rate  and I would definitely recommend them.  Might be worth having a consultation at least (but that does cost about £150 I think).

Good luck with whatever you decide, but you need to feel that you will be comfortable long term.  Give yourself a bit of time.  I am assuming you are qutie young by the way?  So there is less pressure in terms of time?  nto sure why I have that impression.


Thanks for message re references Ruth:  I had not realised you could put a couple as one reference.  In that case it is fine as we knwo loads of couples.  it is jsut that if we had to put one or the other then we would have put the woman, and then we would have ended up with no men on our list.  or only 1 or2.  We aren't allowed family members,s eems odd, but maybe they will interview them anyway.
Love
Judith
xxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Natasha - I had aneuploidy screening at Care Nottingham.  It cost us £6500 (inc drugs).

All the best

J


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

At last - we finally have a date for the Preparation Course at the beginning of March.  It really feels like we are starting to get somewhere.  I was wondering of there is any sort of prep to do before the course?  We have read a few books and leaflets and information on various adoption sites on the Internet.

Thanks.

Tracey


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Jenny and Jude,

Thanks for your replys and I will look into it because as you said Jenny I will always have the What Ifs!
Your are right it is the UCH that i was under, and I am quite young 24 next month 

What is the ARGC and where is it?

Tracy good luck on your prep course, hope it goes well for you

Tasha
x


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Jenny,

Just had a look on the web and there are only 4 clinics that are licenced for PGD, would you happen to know what they are other than UCH and ARGC?

Thanks Tasha
x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Natasha - Care at Nottingham is the clinic I went to and it is obviously licensed for pgd (also known as aneuploidy screening) as that is what I had done so that is the 3 out of the 4.  ARGC as you have already found out I expect is a clinic in London.  At your age you have an extremely good chance of having your own child through assisted conception  

All the best

J


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Girls

First of all apologies, I'm having major problems with my PC link (I'm going broadband this week so hopefully the probelms will disappear) so I've only been able to nip in quickly at work.  Because of this I'm not totally up to date with all the news but I've had a quick scan and things sound like they are going pretty well for everybody.

We still haven't got a precise date for the first intro, apparently they need to arrange a Life Appreciation meeting first, but it's likely to be around the 7th February.  We're going to meet the birth mum tomorrow which will be strange and next monday we're having an informal "get to know you" meet with the foster carers.  Have just come back from visiting my family at the weekend laden with all sorts of things.  They've all got a copy of our photo now and the general consensus is that he is gourgeous.  Mind you my sister was rather worried when her not quite 15 yr old daugter said "he's lovely, oh I want a baby!"    We did say that having a baby doesn't go with trips to Brazil with the school which she is also angling for.

Anyway better get back to work, am finishing next Friday and we are pretty manic here. 

Glad to hear your news Becky, and glad to hear that things are still going well for Ann and Karen.

To everyone else keep going, won't be long.

love
Cindy


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hiya,
I'm fairly sure that guys hospital in london does pgd too. we had tx there (not pgd) and they were always going on about it in their leaflets.
hope thats helpful
kylie
x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya everyone

Just to tell you that the form E that we'd been told about, was as it turns out a bit premature, as the baby in question (a baby boy) has been placed with his new mum and dad. I guess I can't expect them to "hold on" to a possible match until we've been approved, but it's still disappointing. Having said that, it's nice to know that our SW is already looking and finding "possibilities". I'd rather not know about any others that come up until after panel. Only 23 days to go (not that Im counting or anything!!!).
Obviously wasn't meant to be. Our child is still out there waiting for us - and we'll be right there to collect them and bring them home just as soon as we can!!!



*Cindy - Best of luck with your meeting tomorrow with birth mum. And hoping your intro's with xxxx start very soon! * 
xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi everyone

Tasha - if you still have those niggling doubts and haven't tried tx then adoption right now is not for you.  You need to be sure that you have made the transistion from trying for your own and then moving to adoption and parenting someone elses children.

I didn't go through any tx as our diagnosis meant that it wasn't for us and I didn't want to go down the donor route through personal choice.  Some people never get the answers to why they can't have children but exploring it as far as you can will put any niggling doubts to rest.  Good luck with whatever you decide.

Cindy - great news on meeting your little man.  When you have setlled we must meet up and show what proud mummies we are!!  Good luck for all the meets and the meeting with the BM.

Jude - I am not in touch with most of my friends anymore (long story) although I do have a couple who live away who I keep in touch with by post and e-mail, at the time they didn't have kids so couldn't comment on that aspect of me.  Most of my friends now are the wives/partners of Rich's friends.  We had his best friend of 33 years (also our best man), a couple (one of Rich's mates and his wife, who I am friends with) and then we had to name a "guardian" as a referee i.e. if anything happened to me and Rich someone who would ensure that the children's needs are met.  For this we chose Rich's sister and BIL.  Hope this helps.

Tracey - good news on the prep course dates.

Hope everyone else is doing ok
Bye for now
Karen x


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## Natasha (Sep 21, 2004)

Hi Karen,

I know that your right but I would dearly love to do both!
Hopefully things will be a bit clearer in a couple of days.  Just when you think that your have made a decision and that everything is fine and your happy, deep buried thoughts come back and bite you on the ...!!! 

Hope that everyone else is well.

Speak Soon
Love Tasha x


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Hi,

Thanks for your answers re references.  Once i had realized we could put couples down it was easy and then it was a question of choosing best people.  Mind you, you never know what SWs are looking for, so it is not so easy to second guess them. I've filled it in now, so let's hope they pick the best two! (not sure who I mean by the best two though, as they are all lovely.  But I think my friends would be better than my husband's, just because I talk to them more about infertility/adoption etc).

Cindy:  what an exciting time..  best of luck with your meetings.

Ever:  sorry about your disappointment. As you say, good to know there are possibilities, but a bit frustrating.  I feel frustrated now looking at children in Be My Parent, which is of course much milder than what you are going through.  

Natasha:  as you are only 24 you certainly have time to do both.  one does not preclude the other.  but you have to do them one at a time of course.  I would say that if your chances of conception are good/high (which from what you say seems to be the case in your case) it is perhaps worth giving it a go. 

I am going to be on here a bit less now as my work access has been restricted by evil IT woman (not just mine , everybody's, we can hardly access anything now), so will have to do from home.

Good luck everybody,

Love
Judith
xxx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi

Cindy, great news about your little man, i bet you are counting the days till you can meet him,I can't wait to hear all about your intro visits. Good luck with the BM meeting tomorrow. 

Ever, so sorry your hopes have been dashed, but as you say your SW is definatly looking out for you which is great, only 23 days till panel WOW. i am excited and I am still counting in weeks, only 5 weeks on thursday for me .

Karen, Bex and Ann it is really great to catch up with all your news on your littlies. 

Well our SW said that Friday should be our last home visit  so then it will be a case of him writting up our form F and then panel on the 3rd of march, only five weeks away, yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

TTFN Mandyxx


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi again

Well we have news!!

WE have now officially finished our home study and have a panel date of 21st March, 2 days before our camping trip!! Just over 7 weeks!,
Anyway we finally discussed tha age that we wanted to be approved for and it was quite hard, we wasnt sure if we should go for 3 and under or 2 and under, if we chose the later then it probably means we will have a wait of at least a year...although we dont want that we felt that we didnt want to compromise and our SW felt that this was best too. We also made the decision that we will go for one aswell, although we have quite alot of skills with children, especially being so close to our 3 nephews and 1 niece we wanted to be able to make it special. I know that this will make certain restrictions on children but we have to be patient!!...
I mean we have been trying for 7 years already!....and on the adoption road for nearly 18 months. She did feel that as we had age on our side that we would stand a better chance aswell.

Feels quite odd to be finished with that because I really did enjoy our home study!!..how sad can I get!

Tash- This is a tough one,  I know that I wouldnt have been able to make my decision so easily if it hadnt of been for having failed treatments....I think it was a hard decision for us at the start although once it was made we knew we had made the right choice. Im sure that you will be able to look at the information you have and make the right choice for you and dh..  

Mandy- We are not far behind you for panel date....and I think that it will be here and gone before we know it!!. Its an odd  feeling to think that you actually managed to get through the F Form too!!!..its so scarey when you first see that isnt it!  

Karen- I hope that things have settled a bit more for you now and that your eldest is settling down, it must be hard and confusing for her but I just now that you have everything under control....One thing that sort of scares us is that we have been so used to just me and dh, we have lived together for nearly 12 years...and the though of there being a third one just seems, unbelieveable at times!!.....

Everhopeful- Im sorry to hear that they havent been able to take you any further with that match, I really hope that they find another real soon, at least your SW is looking out for you!!

Cindy - The waiting never seems to end does it!!....I hope that everything works out for you and that you finally get some dates, at least then you have something to aim towards... And wow finsihing work too......I cant wait for that one!!   

Hi to everyone I may have missed, its so nice to see this thread so active at the moment....

LOve
Natsxxx


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## Twinmummie (Jun 7, 2003)

Well god it was so exciting but very emotional last night, we looked at pics and videos of the children that our in the system over 40 and they are all over 2.Alot of prospective adopters were there last night in all different stages some like us at the beginning and others that have been to panel and waiting for a match.We spoke to a few social workers and we had to fill in loads of forms asking for more details of the children we were interested in.We liked quite a few some single children some siblings.So now we just wait for them to ring us.Next step for us is our first prep course next Wednesday.
Will let you know if we get any calls

Hope everyone is fine

Love to all
Georgia
xxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Hi all 

Just having a peek at how you're all doing    

Becky - Really pleased to hear that you are on your way to adopting xxxx sibling    

Cindy - Hope you get to meet your little boy very soon.  

LB - Hope the second part of the prep course went well.  How are you?  

Love and luck to you all. 

Jayne x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

I will warn everyone in advance that I am posting a rant  

We had our home assessment yesterday so I spent 4 hours cleaning yesterday inc cleaning windows, scrubbing floors, hoovering, dusting, tidying up, putting things away, cleaning skirting boards, cleaning doors, cleaning cat flap ... took forever but the house gleamed.  Social worker started off by having a (subtle but obvious) moan at us for ringing her manager and tried to tell us that it will take as long as it may take and might be 3 years to adopt in worse case scenario but dh and I wouldn't let her get away with saying that so she had both of us telling her about government guidelines which say up to a year max, pref 8 months but reading between the lines she said that they do not follow guidelines and things get done when they get done and you must be patient etc etc.

Anyway to cut a long story short sw was very vague, very woolly and we don't feel that the appointment produced anything constructive and was more or less a waste of our time.  She didn't look into any of the rooms or even check we had a spare bedroom - just took our word for it - she asked if we had a back garden and didn't even go and look at it!!  

Sw said that we would have to get a vet to make a report on our dog re his health and personality for which we would have to pay.  Our cats and bird are ok and don't need vet check.  

I was surprised that at this stage she asked us all sorts of personal questions about finances, state of our marriage, why we fell in love, how we felt about not having another natural
child, what we felt we could give to an adopted child etc.  I was expecting these questions to come up during the home study not at the home assessment.

Sw couldn't say when we would go on the preparation course and it was just a case of waiting as they only have 12 people on the course (held every 6 weeks) so there is always a long waiting list.  All in all it was very disappointing.

How did everyone else's home assessment go?  Do you think I should complain to the manager or is this usual format?

Thanks for reading and I would value your opinions.

J


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Hiya ladies, thought I would join for a bit.
Steve and I phoned our adoptionagency 2 weeks ago and had our first family planning officer visit on wednesday (very quick I know).
It seemed to go very well, she liked us and our home, Steve was much more articulate than me when it came to the what could you offer an adoptive child and why do you want to adopt.
She looked around the house and garden adn said she was very ahppy with it all. She gave us a form to to fill in to start the process and said it could take 18months to go through the process (or even longer). i know the gov issued guidlines that want to reduce this time and sometimes this works but there are precious few SW out there and so little time for themto do the work in.
We have yet to completely make our final decision but we feel happy with the stpes we have taken so far. We have 2 frosties in the freezer and need to decide to defrost or not (big decision).
We have asked for a sibling group up to 2 (FPO asked about 3 and we said that wold be something we would need to think about long and hard and it would depend on the children and match as well). Our FPO held nothing back and read through what she wrote about us, all nice things and assured us she would do the same throughout the whole process, ver reassuring.
Jac has listed a Workshop information chance on the adoption board and Dr Meredith is running a workshop for would be or thinking about adoption couples. We might ask to go on this but all depends on our final decision.
Good luck to you all.
Love
WelshyXXXX


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Jennifer

Sorry to hear that you've had a rough ride with your first sw visit. I remember the visit we had right at the very start of our process from a sw who turned out luckily not to be our sw. She was rude and very blunt and really quite upset us with some of her comments. I later found out that their job is to try to put you off. The theory is that if a slightly off-handed visit or the odd strange comment can put you off adoption, then it shows that it's not right for you. Yes in theory I can see that. Because if we can get upset or angry over something the sw says to us, what's to say how we'd react if upset by a child? See what I mean? I know it's crazy. 
This doesn't mean to say that your sw has set out to try to upset you to see your reaction, it could be that you've just been unlucky with the sw's bad day.

Don't stress too much over the house - we've all been there. I used to fully clean and tidy evey corner and inch of our home - just incase they wanted to look round. And every time, I'd be thinking "please go upstairs and look how clean and presentable the bedrooms are, and how neat I've folded the towels in the bathroom" !! And almost on every visit did she walk into the living room and out of the living room and not even hint she needed the loo! And every visit I'd be thinking "we have to do this every week from now on!". I know exactly where you're coming from, you want everything to be absolutely perfect beyond perfection. It's very very natural because we are wanting it so very badly and want to please and be accepted as good adoptive parents. Believe me the anxiety will ease once you've started your home study. If you are allocated a sw that will put you at ease, it turns out to be just a friendly once a week chat with a friend. Cuppa tea and a minor counselling session. We thoroughly enjoyed our home study and once we'd relaxed about the house and the clothes we'd wear etc, it became so much easier.

I think it's quite normal to be asked questions about varied things, they are just trying to suss you out. The best way to approach it is to be as honest and open as possible. 

Write down all the questions you feel that you need answering at this stage - and put them to the sw. I maybe would advise not to complain as such, but to simply put across your worries and anxieties.
It's natural to be on-edge because your expectations of each visit are so high. Don't rush the process, go with the  flow. It does feel strange to start with but it'll all come right. 
But don't worry about prep courses and home study because they are invaluable in going towards your final goal.

Best of luck, and keep us informed

E xxx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Yippeee!!! I now have broadband at home, what a difference.  Can now come on the site without it taking hours.

Jennifer, I know how irritating it can be, I think E is right, sometimes they do it just to push your buttons.  I didn't like my SW the first couple of times she visited but after a while I realised that she was just doing her job.  Mind you I gave up on the whole frantically cleaning the house before her visits.  Really not worth the bother as she hardly ever moved from the kitchen.  We we asked similar questions on our first visit by the assesment SW and although yours made comments about it taking 3 years, I very much doubt that that would be true as they have government targets to reach.  I think that she was just trying to get back at you slightly and also to see how determined you are to follow the adoption process.  Hang in there it will be worth it in the end.

Jan, we were in a similar situation to you and we decided to defrost our lost embies on the basis that we would always wonder if anything would have come out of them.    I was a bit apprehensive at first because I thought if it failed (which it did) it would delay us getting down the adoption route even further and also because I was scared of having another m/c.  However the SWs like to feel that you've got all tx out of your system so if you need to be sure about your decision whichever way you go.

Natalie, many many congratulations on your panel date, won't be long to wait and then you can go off on what may be your last camping trip without kiddies.  I'd wish you the best of luck but I know you won't need it.

Mandy even sooner for you, I bet you can't wait.  My advice make the most of these last few weeks, eat drink and be merry   

Ann, how are you doing in the first weeks?

We had our visit to the BM which I found a very positive, although emotional experience.  To respect her privacy I won't go into details but we did learn things about XXXXX which we wouldn't have known before and it was good to put a face to the report.  It's not an easy thing to do but if you are given the opportunity it can often be worth it.

Only 9 days until we meet our little boy.  The panel is arranged for the 8th and we will see him for the first time after that.  Our SW envisages the contact lasting over 10 days with the first half being us visiting him and the second, him coming to us.  We've put up his cot and decorated his room which already has a load of toys given to us by friends and family.  It all seems very surreal, we keep looking at it but can't quite believe that it's going to be for OUR son!!!

Tomorrow we're going to have an informal lunch with his foster carers which will give me the opportunity to ask his foster mum all sorts of questions before I do my last shopping trip next weekend for the little things.

Gotta go need to change the bathroom lock (the one drawback of all this all the DIY stuff  )

Hope everyone else is well, I know I've missed a few but there are so many of us now!!

love
Cindy


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Everhopeful - thank you so much for helping to put my mind at rest by sharing your experiences.

Cindy - wow only 9 days to go until you meet your soon to be son - fantastic.  Thanks for your helpful thoughts re my sw visit.  I really appreciate it.

All the best to everyone.

Jenny


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi ladies

Jenny - i agree with the other girls and want to say - please stick with it and keep telling yourself that is is their job to be realistic - sometimes overly so! - hope you don't have to wait too long for a place on the course - i think guidelines will come into it and you will move quicker than what you think.

we have now finished our prep course and need to ring to confirm that we want to proceed - then wait for allocation of SW for home assessment.

Cindy - pleased you found the visit with BM helpful - if emotional can't have been easy but you did it!- i personally think it may prove invaluable when trying to fill gaps for children - wishing you luck for next week can't wait to hear that you have met your son - good luck XX

LB
X


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi everyone

Jennifer - I would agree with Ever and Cindy about your SW visit.  Forunately this wasn't my experience, but they will challenge you along the way with some of their qustions.  Hope you find it gets better and hope that it hasn't put you off.

LB - Congrats on finishing the course.  Hope you get allocated an SW soon.

Cindy - Glad the meeting went well.  We weren't given this opportunity but would ahve done it if offered. Did you take some pictures so you can show ***** that you've met his Mum in later life?  I bet you are so excited about meeting your little boy, one of the fondest memories I have is going into each of their rooms and peering into their cots whilst they are asleep, still beam with pride doing it now.

Jan - welcome to you and glad you found the visit ok.  Like Cindy says you need to be sure you've got things out of your system on the tx front.  Hope you decide soon what's best for you.

Georgia - your evening must have been heart wrenching.  I know after we went to panel and started receiving Be My Parent, I wanted to take them all home with me.

Hope everyone else is ok.  We've started now with "terrible two" tantrums so really putting my paenting skills to the test.  Youngest has started to crawl albeit only 5/6 paces at a time and is so funny, she keeps me sane through the tantrums.

I've got up really early this morning to try and secure Rich's Xmas present (test match tickets) and the blasted box office isn't open yet, so thought as I'm awake I'll catch up on here.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Dum-de-dum.....in a bit of a lull in what is quite a busy day here at work, and thought I'd check to see what was happening. 

We're meeting the head SW tomorrow and then we get into finishing our home study......so nothing new there to report. DH doesn't think our new extension will be finished till august, so even if we get to panel and approved in May it'll still be early autumn before anything will happen from our perspective. Bit of a bummer, but as DH is a pesimist and I am an optimist, I'm sure it'll all happen sooner than we think! 

I suppose that timing is about right anyway from a matching perspective even if they have someone specific in mind for you early on.

absolutely nothing else to report.....new bathroom being fitted......anybody got any opinions on what a gold-ey vinyl would look on the floor of an otherwise white bathroom....a bit bling ?? i wanted red but couldn't find any anywhere.

better stop boring you all with my flooring dilemas,

tataXXX
Ruth.


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

HI everybody,

Not been on here for a while.  Had horrible flue type bug and new work regulations mean we are only allowed to access non work sites between 12.30 and 2pm each day.  and i am usually too busy for lunch.  Most annoying especially as I am a director, but I would have to specifically ask for this site to be unblocked and do not want MD knowing my business.

Anyway, sounds like quite a few things are happening here.  Cindy:  you must be really excited.  Can't believe I will ever get there myself.  Sometimes I feel like i can handle the waiting fine but then I keep thinking, another 18 months or so if I'm lucky and it seems terribly far away.  Got MT as well so a bit down in the dumps.  

Ruthie:  have you tried DAlsouple.  It is not vinyl but rubber but you can get it in all sorts of colours.  

Georgia:  your evening sounds really emotional.  it must make it seem so real.  I get Be my Parent for the same reason, otherwise I feel a bit like it is all imaginary.

Jen:  we did not have a home assessment but an initial interview at council offices and I was also surprised by very probing questions.  But I guess we just have to get used to that.  It was quite funny though, because I talk a lot and am quite analytical so when they asked me a question I would burble on for ages, whereas when they asked my husband it was quite clear he had never really thought about what they were asking him ever before e.g. ,describe what your Mum was like when you were growing up'.  'Lovely'.  that's nice, but what made her lovely'.  '  Well, she was just .....lovely'.  

I have now developed a new source of paranoia.  We live in a very sweet but teeny weeny little cottage in West London.  we have a spare room, but my husband works from home in the attic.  Also the stairs are steep.  Are they going to say the house is too small.  Oh dear.  we can easily afford to move at the moment and get a  bigger house (though not where we live now unfortunately) but we don't want to , as we love it here and we are not certain of course that this is all going to end with us getting some children.  Also, if I have to take a year off work we would not be able to afford bigger mortgage then, so we would need to wait until after I went back to work.  Guess it is all a bit early for this stuff but  I like to plan ahead, even my worries!

Hope everybody is OK,

Love
Judith
xxx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Jude,

thanks for the tip on Dalsouple.....looks great! 

As for your house being too small I don't think it matters as long as there is a spare room for the child to sleep in......unless you were thinking of adopting a family of 10, then maybe they might expect you to have more space! One of the first things our SW did was have a quick look about the house (luckily I'd kicked all the dirty clothes under the bad......only joking....paranoid scrubbing up till 5 minutes before SW arrival). So you'll find out at a very early stage how suitable they think the house is.

bye for now,
XXRuth.


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi everyone 

Hope you are all well. There are so many of us on here now and all at differing stages, it's difficult to keep up. But hope everyone's getting on ok.

We are now 2 weeks from panel - arrrrgh 
Getting to feel so very real and scary, but also very excited! We've already seen a profile  but unfortunately is wasn't to be. A sibling pair, who sadly just were not meant to be ours. Feel bad about saying no, but I think you have to if it doesn't feel right. 
Lovely to know though that our SW is actively searching! Our child/children are out there waiting to be brought home to us, and I'm feeling more optimistic than ever that we will have our family.
Didn't expect to have possible links so soon but delighted. Also realise that we could still be waiting months after panel, can't see these early signs as a definate.
Has anyone else seen child profiles before panel and how many have you seen or how many before seeing "the one" ?

*Mandy* - how is home study going? Hope you are enjoying it. Not long for you either!

Bye for now


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Ever

We only saw one set of profiles (Form E), those for our girls, but were told about numerous other options.  All of the others came from the consortium or were through BMP so lots of other couples going for the same children so we didn't get any additional information other than the intial info such as age, sex, issues.  

All of the action happened after panel, but I have known of people who have seen things before panle or have been given them when they've come out and been advised of the decision.

Good luck 2 weeks will fly past.

Love
Karen x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Ever, and all my buddies,

WE HAVE FINISHED HOME STUDY, YIPEEEEEEEEE   another step closer to becoming a mummy. Panel on 3rd of March, 3 weeks on Thursday and counting.   

Good Luck for your panel Ever. We have not seen any form E's, except an example, and our SW says there are currently no children for us locally  but luckly we are in a consortium so our form F will  go out to 10 La's and i hope that our children will be out there and waiting for us 


Form F should be available next Friday or early the following week, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope it is OK? It must be a bit weired reading all about yourself.

Roll on 3rd of March, then I can say I am officially expecting(Hee,Hee).

TTFN Mandyxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Mandy - congratulations to you.  That is great news.  Proves that it can be done within the 8 months guidelines as well.  Shame more la's can't/don't stick to the timescale.  Won't be long until you are a mummy  

Ever - not long until you go to panel then    It must be exciting as well as scary as you have been working towards this for so long. 

Vanessa - how are you getting on? 

As for me we have just sent off our police check forms and we have been told we have to wait for that to come back clear (2-3 months approx) before going on our preparation course.

Hi to everyone else.

Jenny


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Ladies

MSW and Ever - wow not long till  panel - loved the line that you will be officially expecting 

We received the call to tell us that we have been allocated our SW and that home study will be starting within the next week or so SW is going to call tomorrow with first meeting date 

must start the cleaning  AGAIN 

good luck ladies
LB
X


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya all

LB - Good luck with your first home study!   And don't worry too much about the cleaning! I cleaned so much before every visit (looked like a show home) and in the end the SW asked how I'd cope with the mess a child would cause! I was thinking "it's not normally this clean and tidy!"   Hope it goes well.

Mandy - Congrats on finishing home study !!   Feels greeeat, doen't it?! I'm now starting to feel nervous about panel. I keep telling myself that it's nothing to be scared about, they are just normal people....   ... who just happen to be making the biggest decision of our lives!!!!    Try not to think about it too much!! Trying to concentrate on "just a nice nice off with hubbie, a quick half hour with some people round a table and then off for a nice lunch (hopefully!!) "
Both our panel dates will come and go in no-time and we'll be joining the "approved, waiting for matching" group! Here we come.....


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Girls

Mandy, congratulations on getting your panel date, I'm sure everything will go well.

Ever, everyone feels nervous before panel you'd have to be mad not to think about it but they are all normal people and it will be fine.  As for the profiles we didn't see any before panel, we were told about a little girl but that was after they had told us about XXXXX and everything about him was perfect for us.  You shouldn't feel too bad about turning down the other profile, these kids are supposed to be for life so you have to feel 100% right about them.   I used to feel so guilty going through BMP when I looked at kids and they didn't seem quite right but you have to be sure about this.

Judith, Ruth is right, you've got a spare bedroom, what more can they want?   Just think of the concerns you may have had if you've had your own baby and how you would have adressed them.  For example your stairs might be a bit steep but you will have stair gates and if you don't have one already you can put a stair rail up and as far as the space goes if you're really strict with yourself you can have a real declutter and you'll be surprised how much space you can find.  (Emotionally it's not easy, I had hundreds of cassette tapes of music that I'd gathered over the last 25 ears but as my DH pointed out I never listen to them anymore so they had to go  ).   All I can suggest is that you put yourself in the place of a small child and think of changes you can easily make to your house to make it more child proof.  The SW will be impressed that you've thought about the situation and have already come up with some ideas.

Karen, I've sent you an IM.

Well I've been shopping for England, tighten your belts girls, this parenting thing is an expensive business   .  Made my 3rd trip to Mothercare yesterday, had to ask them to check the car seat.  They fitted it 3 weeks ago but a week later I went to visit my family who threw me a surprise baby shower which included a really nice high chair.  As I'd already arranged to pick up a cot from my friend I had to take out the car seat to fit everything all in.   Lee and I tried to put it back in but failed dismally.  That's the other thing about this parenting thing, Lee and I aren't at all practical in a handyman sense and all the instructions for assembling cots/strollers/car seats etc seem to be in a language that we don't understand.

Anyway we met the foster carers on Monday and they are very nice and gave us some more recent photos of our little boy who remains gourgeous.

Sorry for rabbitting on, slighly hyper at the moment, can't think why?    

Less than 48 hours until I meet my son.

Hope everyone else is well. 

love
Cindy


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi all xxx   have been catching up on everyones progress!! So excited for you Cindy!! I can remember what you will be feeling!! It is fantastic when you see them for the first time, our little chap had just woken up and was blinking and blinking as he looked at us, i was wierdly calm, a small lump in my throat but very accepting, "oh there he is, our bird" he came into my arms and it just felt like he was coming home x He has been with us 3 months now, and he is so bonded it is amazing.. We are well into our family lifestyle, it just clicked into place so easily... We are now in the throws of being assessed to be re approved to have his sibling.  She is planned to come to us in March. (end of). We have our medicals tomorrow and have a meeting with our SW on Thurs.  xxxx is a really happy 19 month old boy now, but when i hold my neices hand or pick her up, his little face crumbles and he crys.  This time one to one is so valuable, because i know he will be really jealous when his sister arrives.  The same for birth siblings, but his placement is so new too, i am a bit worried he will regress a bit.  Will have to take it really carefully in the introductions and watch for the signs.  Karen mentioned this in one of your posts.  How are the girls now?
Well, off to bed as swimming in the am, really pleased to see the progress of everyone.  Our adoption process took 12 months from the prep course to xxxx coming home.  We were told by our SW it could be 2 years etc like some of you, but remember, nothing is set in stone.  Our baby was out there when we began, as may be yours.  Enjoy the process, because the great thing with adoption is that you will be mummys and daddys...time to enjoy yourselfs as individuals or couples before life changes....when it does its great!! Best wishes and lol Becky xxx


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Cindyp, bet you are just soo excited, so are we all. FOR YOU AND HUBBY.
Here's to a wonderful couple about to become parents!!!!
Love
Welshy and Hubby XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Cindy,

WOW  not long now till you meet your little boy   , you must be soooooooo excited and nervous all rolled into one. I know what you mean about instructions,  Hubby and I bought a news TV, DVD recorder cimema system yesterday and we spent all night trying to figure it out and I was still at it this am, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I have now given up for the mo, so need a 3 year old wiz kid to come round and sort it all out for us   

I am getting quite nervous about the form F now  I hope we get it this friday then i'll have the weekend to read it over?

Bex, i am sure you will be fine when No2 arrives as you say it is only natural that DS will feel a bit upset but i am sure you will cope fine. Good Luck, i am looking forward to hearing all about the arrival of your DD.

TTFN Mandyxx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hooray-
finally some good news for us! spoke to the adoption team today and our course starts 4th march!!


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Congratulations Boomerang, role on March 4th.
Love
WelshyXXXX


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Well it's a real hive ofactivity on here at the moment. A real test for my brain to remember everything to update the list.

MSW - congrats on completing your home study, roll on panel.

Kylie - congrats on the course date, not long now.

Cindy - I have IM'd you, but justso excited for you and Lee 

Bex - we have some real issues at the minute with attention seeking from the eldest.  I am trying to teach her to share Mummy as well as her toys.  it is really difficult to determine what is right for the two of them.  Perhaps as a start you should get some books like new mothers would have for their children about having a new brother or sister.  When you bring her home let your dh carry the baby into the house and you bring your litle boy in, that way he knows his Mummy is still there for him.  The FP's may do this but buy him a present from her.  There's all sorts you can do in the short term but its the day to day getting used to sharing you that is the hardest part.

Well eldest has just woken so I best go, can't be bad eh!!

Karen x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi girl

Cindy - great news bet you can't wiat to meet ther new man in your life  - can imagine how excited you are.

Karen - wow you sound like a total Mammy  - bless your family - you are working so hard for those girls and it sounds FAB!

We are due our first home study visit on Friday so are looking forward to the assessment and wondering how it will all go - sure it will be fine

good luck everyone
LB
X


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Well just got back from seeing our son for the first time and it was wonderful.  He's just as gourgeous as he looks in the photos, he's got light brown hair, blue grey eyes like Lee's and his eyelashes are so long they look fake  

He was a bit shy at first and we didn't try to push him but Lee started throwing a ball in the air and XXXXX found it very funny and started laughing.  From then on he was happy to play with us, particularly with Lee but he let me pick him up and carry him around.  We were only there for an hour and a half because we were told to keep the first visit short and can't wait until tomorrow.  Introductions are going to be more intensive than we thought.  The next four days will be with at the foster carer's house and then they will bring him to ours on Sunday, it's my birthday that day so I'm planning a little tea party.  On Tuesday we are to have him overnight and as long as everything goes alright he will stay from then on.

Can't believe that in a week's time we might be having our little boy to stay for good!!     

Congratulations girls on getting closer to panel and thank for all your good wishes.

Got to go now because we haven't a lot of non parent time left.

love
Cindy


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Cindy,

you must be over the moon!! he sounds wonderful !

Good luck and wishing you lots of energy for the next few days, although adrenaline will keep you going I'm sure.

XXRuth.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

cindy i am soooo pleased your visit went well, i'm sat with tears in my eyes. it must be an amazing feeling to know you'll be bringing your little boy home soon. thankyou so much for sharing your experiences with us, reminds us all what we are waiting for.

hope the next few days just keep getting better and better for you all

take care

pam xx


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## mmmbop (Jun 30, 2003)

Lovely news cindy, sounds like a lovely time was had,
not long till he is with you for good,xx

Goodluck friday LB,xx


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Cindy,

Just wanted to say, congratulations.  Your little boy sounds amazing.  Hope things continue to go well for you.

Also thanks for your comments about the house.  I know I was being daft really but I think the fact that nothing happens for ages makes me think/worry about things more, so hearing somebody else's commonsense view really helped!

Judith


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Cindy

Thank you for sharing such a happy post 
hope that your little tea party goes great - what a special birthday you will have this year - then just look forward to next week when your little boy will be home for good and make you the proudest parents of the day!

LB
X


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Cindy

Soooo pleased for you and dh. Your little boy sounds gorgeous!

You must have such a mass of feelings in your tummy, anxiety and excitement! I can't wait to be where you are now, I think I'm gonna feel more nervous than anything!

Hope the next few days go just as well for you, and xxxx is home very very soon!!

Keep us informed

xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Cindy

Great news, this week will fly past.  You will also find it quite exhausting, so get stocked with something to pamper yourself with at bathtime so you can chill out ready for the next visit.

Can't wait to read that you've brought him home for good.

Love
Karen xx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Cindy - wonderful news that all is going so well.  Your little son sounds gorgeous.  Not long until you are a full time mummy 

All the best

Jenny


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Cindy I filled up reading your posts, i'm so chuffed for you and dh. Did your litttle bot stay over last night? and how did it go? I'm so nosey but so excited for you   

I'm just starting out but am chuffed to say that we go on our prep course 24th Feb so i'm very excited. Reading stories like yours Cindy makes the whole process more bearable
lol
Val xxxxxx


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

oops sorry didn't mean to ask if your little bot!?! stayed over, meant little boy     This flu i've got is obviously affecting my typing
tee hee
Val xxxxxxxx


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Cindy and DH.  wonderful to read your thread, at last you have met your baby boy... will  be thinking of you over the intro week.  Not long untill he is home for good!! best wishes Becky x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Woweee...everyone seems to have good news! 
It is so heartwarming to hear of couples getting young children.  We keep being told that under three's are very uncommon and most under fives come with older siblings - so it is nice to hear a positive side to it too.

Well..we have a date for an initial visit from the social worker of a small voluntary organisiation. It wasn't our first choice of agency but they have been friendly and supportive so far  - so hopefully they will be just as good in  the adoption approval and placement processes.

We also got 'call backs' from the LA and the bigger scottish voluntary sectr agency but the LA don't process parents for children under 5 and the larger voluntary agency can't get us onto an open meeting/inital meeting group until April! 
So...we have our intial visit on 21st Feb!  I am a mix of excited;panicked, nervous; hopeful and delighted. Goodness knows what i'll be like when/if we make it to panel!!  I just hope they think we are right for them and that they are right for us.  But it is a milestone and a big step towards becoming a mummy. 

magenta x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Buddies

Where is everybody  been checking in over weekend but no one about. Are you all on romantic weekends away  

I can't wait for Dh to get home and open my pressy, I have a nice bottle of pink bubbly chilling, choc's  yummy food etc, so we are ready for a nice night in.

SW popped our form F in last Friday   so we have read it over the weekend and it is great. So the head of the SW team has just phoned to say she will be doing our 2nd worker visit on wednesday night and picking up the form F. Only 2 weeks on thursday till panel eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.  

No other news so far.

Have a good night tonight.

Mandyxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi everyone!

Mandy, you're right about it being quiet.... I felt like I was the only one reading the forum over the past few days! Nice to know you're still around.
2 weeks on Thursday eh? Won't be long... that's exactly 2 weeks after me then! Helpppppppppp!
Yes this Thursday, well 3 days to be precise, we enter the unknown world of "THE PANEL"  
Very chilled about it at the moment, mainly because no-one knows. We've managed to put our parents off the scent and have no clue it's happening so soon! Crafty eh?! We're not being bombarded with over-excited relatives and friends squeeling the importance of it all to us! Let's face it once they know... it'll be "ooh, it won't be long now" and everyday it'll be "have you heard anything yet?" It's gonna drive us round the twist!
But until then, it's still talking about normal things like the weather and price of petrol and avon!
So we're sneakily having Thurs off work, popping to have a chat round a large table with certain unfamiliar faces and then with any luck a quiet celebratering meal and a few drinks.... before the onslaught begins!  

No doubt I'll be reporting back to base either Thursday or Friday, just hope it goes as smoothly as planned.
Bye for now


PS Happy Valentines everyone - hoping for it to be last as a non-parent!


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Ever,

Glad to see someone is still around 

All the best for Thursday, I will be keeping everything crossed for you and checking in to read your good news. 

Mandyxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hi girls i'm still around too    sorry i've not been posting i will try to post more   

ever good luck tomorrow  

nothings changed at my end still waiting to hear about prep course  

ttfn
pam xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Girls, as you can imagine I've been a bit busy the last few days.  I've decided that this parenting lark is a bit like good sex, at the end of the day you feel rather tired but very happy    

Our little boy has been with us for 44 hours now and it's been great!!!.  Due to circumstances beyond our control we haven't yet settled into a proper routine but he's been really good.  We picked him up Monday morning and he just ran around the house exploring when we arrived.  He was a bit grizzly at bed time, because we had been travelling during his normal nap time and he was overtired, but he went down well at 7.10.  Unfortunately he woke up around midnight because he'd lost his dummy and started crying.  He was obviously confused because he didn't know where he was and although I gave him his dummy back and checked his nappy was dry he continued to cry.  In the end I just got him out of his cot, sat on his bedroom floor and cuddled him close for 20 minutes until he went back to sleep.  He then slept until 7.45 the next morning, needless to say Lee and I didn't because we kept expecting him to wake up again!!

Yesterday morning we had 3 SWs and his foster family come for a review of the introductions and the general consensus was that it had gone well and that XXXXX could stay with us   .  Unfortunately although I'd put him down for a nap before they arrived the foster family's little girl woke him up.  I thought he would get upset because he was quite attached to his foster Mum and on his first visit to us on Sunday he kept trying to go to her.  However he let me get him out of his cot and carry him downstairs for everyone to see and happily stayed with me.  I think it was because he was still dopey with sleep. 

Lucky for us he's had a really great life with his foster family and is a very easy-going and happy baby.  So far he's a real daddy's boy, he's happy for me to feed him and put him to bed but it's Lee he looks for when he goes out of the room or up the stairs which is really sweet.   We've taken him for a walk to the park and a lady commented on his wonderful blue eyes.  This morning he's gone to the newsagents with his daddy to fetch a paper so I've been able to nip on-line.

Question for Karen and Becky, how did you handle the introductions to family?  How soon did you do them?  Did family come to you or did you go to them?   My family can't wait to see XXXXX and I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle it.

Ever, good luck for tomorrow, although I know you won't need it as everything will be fine.

Hello to everyone else, will try and catch up later in the week when we're a bit more settled.

love
Cindy


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Cindy - sounds like you are coping well and all is going great - wonderful news.

Saphy - we are currently being police checked and have just heard that we are going on the March prep course 

Hi to everyone else.

Jenny


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Cindy

WOW it sonds like you have settled into the world of motherhood really well  and your little man sounds sooooooooooooooo cute. remind me how old he is again?

I am sure Karen and Bex will have some good advice to offer you and when it is my trun you will all be well into your stride.  

Can't wait for another update when you have a free minute, which i am sure will be few and far between now 

I have just had a quick flick round the house as the head of the SW team is poping by a 6 to pick up our form F. Only 2 weeks tomorrow will panel, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

EVER I will be thinking of you tomorrow buddy, good luck, not that you'll need it i'm sure. 

Hugs Mandyxx


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi Cindy, really pleased to hear things are going well with your little boy x How old is he?  In answer to your question about family intros.... before we got him we thought we would have him to ourselves for a week then everyone could come round bit by bit.. but when he arrived we just let all the family come round as soon as they could.  On his first night we had a big family meal and he loved it.. enjoyed all the attention and still settled well.  We really just got him involved with everyone and started going to see other people straight away... Maybe xxxx coped well with this because he came from a busy foster home with 7 people in it.  2 FP and their 5 children.  He is a very sociable chap, but still looks for us all the time, and comes to us if unsure or upset, so this reasurred me he began bonding with us straight away.  I took him to a mother and baby group today, and we both enjoyed it.. He plays well and jumped alot and is now holding my hand when i ask him too.  I walked from the car into co op the other day and he gripped onto my hand and walked really well.  I felt so proud and tearful!!  Initally he wouldn't do this and would run in the opposite direction if i took him out of his buggy and not come back when i called.  Now i have learn't to stand still and say bye xxxx and he stands and looks at me for a bit then follows.  So now we can walk/run from one end of our seafront to the other in a controlled manner, rather than in a benny hill style, me one way, xxxx the other and his buggy left abandoned somewhere on the prom!!  Its a fantastic feeling and i am feeling more like his mummy every day.  So just carry on with your life and he will fit in..  life goes on.. the first few weeks i didn't do any bits around the house because i was always by his side, now he will play in his play room or watch Thomas the tank quite happily knowing i am near him but not on top of him.  It gets better and better.  Love to every one else. Not long untill panels and prep courses start.  We go to panel in March for xxxx sister, so fingers crossed.

Love Becky xxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Sorry for not posting but our BT phone line has been down since Saturday and only came back yesterday afternoon.  I have felt lost.  its been very quiet so i am relieved I haven't got pages to catch up on.

Mandy - hope it went well with the sign off of your form F, not long to wait now.

Ever - Good luck for today I will be thinking of you.

Cindy - Huge Congratulations to you and Lee.  I bet you can't quite believe its real.  I still go in and check on the girls at night and can't quite believe they are here. In terms of friends and family we asked not to be bombarded and they just popped in when it suited us and them.  The one thing I did do though was organise for the eldest to meet my best firends little boy early on, as they would see alot of each other, they are now great mates.  When the youngest moved in the eldest was already comfortable in the company of the rellies and so I think it made her feel more relaxed as she could see her sister was comfortable with them.  At the end of the day do what you think is best.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.  i'll have to go through the thread and update the list, we'll be on part 3 soon!

We have the eldests final review on Tuesday and then have to wait a further 4 weeks for the youngests and then it will be apply to court for the final stage.  Can't believe where time has got to.

Love
Karen x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

*WE'VE DONE IT  * 

Approved to adopt 2 children aged 0-3 years!!!!!!!!

Oh, it feels great to finally say I am officially an expectant mum! taken over 4 years to get here, but the hard work's over for now and we can start nesting!!


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi guys, 

I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread - i'm not in the same situation as yourselves as I am going to try ivf before adoption, however, i am adopted!  
I would just like you to know that as an adoptee my mum and dad who adopted me at 6 weeks old are, as far as I'm concerned, my only parents.  Of course I've wondered what it might be like to look like someone else and occasionally when things go wrong I get a bit of a chip on my shoulder and wonder if it's because i was adopted (in the cold light of day it never is!) .

I have considered tracing my natural parents but a distant cousin of mine, who also happens to be adopted, traced her natural mother and the woman turned out to be a bit of a fruitcake! This made me realise that I might have very little in common.  I have posted the odd message on websites to let her know that everything turned out brilliantly for me & to thank her but I've never had a reply, I expect she has her own family now anyway.  

My experience of adoption has been really positive, I couldn't have chosen better parents myself! I've always known I was adopted, my mum says she was told to whisper it to me from day 1 - a kind of brainwashing! The only thing I would have changed is I would have loved a sibling.

Anyway, I really hope you all have successful adoptions, if your new children are half as happy as I've been they'll be very lucky indeed!
Good luck!
Jess x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Jess

Thanks so much for your heart walming message and good luck with your own IVF journey. 

EVER, congratulations you are now officially EXPECTING   . I just hope you won't have to wait 9 months to meet your little ones.           .

TTFN Mandyxxxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Ever

Congratulations, you must be over the moon   Hope you don't have to wait long to find your match.

Jess - thanks for the insight into your feelings as an adoptee.  Good luck for your IVF cycle.

Karen x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

ever congratulations you are now an expectant mummy​
pam xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

jess thankyou so much for sharing your experience with us, sounds like you have got amazing parents good luck for ivf hun  

pam xx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Ever - huge congratulations to you and dh.

Jess - thanks for taking the time to put your side of things.  It was very brave.  All the best to you with the IVF.

Hi to everyone else.

Jenny


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi everyone,

congratulations Ever! You must be so happy. Were you really ever worried they wouldn't approve you, or do you think it was mostly general nerves......i seem to fluctuate between feeling that they'll think we're great to they'll think we're awful! I just registered at our now GPs last week and apparently my blood pressure was a bit high....it's never been high before! But I'd just had a horrible smear test, so I think it might just have been a blip............but now that's making me think they won't approve us now!

We've got all our visits booked in with the final one on the 4th of april, so still fully planning on going to panle in early may......I'm sure me gettign stressed about this is not helping!

at least the bathroom is finished now....only every other room in the house to go!

XXXRuth.


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Hi everybone,

It has been quiet for a while but then a sudden rush of great news.  I have in fact been away on a romantic break, our 8th wedding anniversary (we got married day after Valentine's Day:  husband set date with priest and didn't realise:  it makes our anniversary breaks rather cheesy:  i have had many a meal with a pink balloon tied to the back of my chair!).  

Anyway, some great news:  congratulations Cindy, you sound liek you're having a great time and Ever, well done to you.  Hope your time in waiting is as short as possible.

Some news for us:  we have been allocated a social worker, she asked to meet us on Tuesday but neither of us can make the time,so hope she doesn't hold it against us!

Ruthie:  I knwo how paranoid this makes you btu really having a one off high blood pressure reading is not going to prevent you being approved.

Jess:  thanks for taking the time to post your message.


Have got a bit of a child filled weekend coming up:  birthday lunch with friend who has two really brilliant children aged 5 and 7 and then babysitting my friend's 3 year old on Sunday.  It brings home to me how much happier I am since getting off fertility train:  I would have been unable to cope with it 6 months ago and now I am actually looking forward to it.

Sorry if I have missed anybody out and best of luck to you all,

Love
Judith
xxx


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Good luck Jude,
You sound quite chilled out - hope you have a great weekend!

I think it's so important not to become bitter and to still be able to enjoy other people's children. I teach 5 & 6 year olds - they're great fun! When I'm feeling down I do feel sad that I don't have any kids but who knows, it might be just around the corner!
Good luck with your S/W - I'm sure it will be fine!

Jess x


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Ever, congratulations, although there was never any doubt that you wold nt be approved, you deserve and will be a FANTASTIC SET OF PARENTS.
Me and DH are going to defrost our last set of icicles before adoption. We just felt that we might always wonder otherwise.
we have just got back from Paris, blooming cold 5 days.
Some fantastic news here, all sooo much deserved.
Love
Welshy XXXX


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

CONGRATULATIONS EVER

Knew you'd do it, let's hope you don't have too long a "pregnancy", so pleased for you both.

Jess, thank you so much for posting your thoughts, it's good to know that being adopted can be a positive experience for children, all the best for the IVF.

Ruth, not too long to wait until you go to panel, I wouldn't worry about the blood pressure reading too much, it was probably just a temporary blip caused by stress. If your doctor had any real concerns I'm sure they would have mentioned them.

Jude and Jan, all these romantic breaks, glad to hear you've made the most of them they might be the last you get for a while  .

Jan, good luck with the FET, I think you are right that you would always wonder if you hadn't given your frosties a chance. When are you going for the tx?

Karen, you are so right, where has all the time gone, I can't believe it's been that long since your girls have arrived. I bet you can't wait until you can make the official application.

We had our first review on Friday and it went fine. In answer to your question Becky and Mandy, he turned 14 months on Thursday, so a similiar age to Becky's XXXX and Karen's youngest. He's not talking yet but he's been walking for nearly 6 months so he gets into everything!!! Our close friends and their two kids were the first to meet him today. He was very shy at first but soon came around especially when my godson started pretending to fall down when XXXXX pushed him which left him in fits of laughter. They then started laughing because everytime he sees an animal (be it a bird, a dog or whatever) he does his own impression of a lion's roar which is highly amusing. Just checked on him before I came on line and he's in his normal position, sideways in the cot with one arm sticking out the rails. He looks so sweet when he's asleep I wanted to carry him back downstairs so we could spend the evening just looking at him.

Tomorrow we are going to visit the family as they can't wait to see him. It might be a bit overwhelming at first because we're a large family but we're pretty sure he'll cope. Got another SW visit on Monday morning but we're confident things are going well at the moment.

Hope everyone else is well, has anybody heard from Ann?

love
Cindy


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Hi all    Just had a little read through and catch up on all your news - as I do from time to time    I wish you all so much luck on your journey to parenthood.  

Cindy - Fantastic news for you that your little boy is with you and your dh.  Sounds like you're doing a fab job    I'm so pleased for you.    I remember you posting that you were at the end of the road with treatment and it's just so fantastic to have followed your progress to this amazing time   Pure inspiration  

Ever - Huge contratulations to you.  I hope your little ones are with you very soon   

Welshy - Sending you lots of luck and good wishes for you FET. 

Karen - The time has gone so fast since your girls arrived into your lives.  Bet you can't wait to get the finalities over with.  

Bex - Fingers crossed very tightly for you for March.  I'm sure all will be well though and XXXXX sister will be placed with you    Still, must be a nerve wracking time.  

Love 

Jayne x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Cindy

Your little mans sounds sooooooooooooooo cute, 14 months is such a nice age. I hope you are all having a nice family fun day . 

I can officially say that panel is next week  only 11 sleeps zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz   . Not counting in hours just yet. Then I can join the expectant mothers club. But instead of putting on the pounds i am hoping to loose a few  . Might even join weight watchers as would really like to loose 3 stone. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

Just been an ordered new wardrobes today for our bedroom and a smaller Kitchen table, as ours it a big farm house one and there is not much room, especially when i think of high chairs and prams etc and littlies running around. 

TTFN Mandyxx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Congratulations Ever

hope you are matched up quickly - happy nesting 

LB
X


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Time for another new home girls. Hope the next thread remains as positive as this one.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,23054.0.html

Karen x


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