# Stuggling On....



## tinkerbelle34 (Jun 21, 2006)

Hi  
I haven't been on this site for such a long time , & boy loads have happened to me & DH since....
We recently adopted a young child but unfortunate it did not work out & the child was taken back into care after a few weeks with us i know feel very angry, bitter that all our hopes & dreams of becoming parents have been flushed down the plug hole in such a short space of time and also after all that time of  the whole adoption process which took nearly 2 years we were approved in December and matched in early spring 

I have returned back to my full time job after going on adoption leave full of these ideas of being the best mum ever for it all to turn into a horrible nightmare. I had spoken to my SW to ask what would happen for the future but was told there would be no future for us and we would have to come to terms being a " childless couple"
I feel myself & my DH have been put through the wringer as we had already done IUI and failed.

Who'd i feel such a failure??  Why are so many people with children so insensitive? I feel as if i cannot look at any baby or young child if i do i just start to cry i am hoping and praying  that i will get over this and i will get back to my old self soon.
People, family & friend say things like " get a dog", or at least you can on lovely holidays! Inside i feel like screaming at them saying NO that is not what i would like out of life.
I  would really like someones advice or to chat to people who may be feeling th same way.

Sorry for going on!

Tinkerbelle


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Tinkerbelle

I'm so so sorry to hear of your distressing experience. I cannot imagine how it must have felt to have a child and then for things to break down, sending you lots of     

Allow yourself time to heal, it will take along time to come to terms with your grief. Your SW sounds as tactful as a baseball bat round the head!!!   Maybe you could talk to someone else in the SW team to get some support?

I know people can be really insensitive with their comments but often they are well meaning and don't mean to be hurtful. There is a 'bitter and twisted' thread on here if you want to have a rant.....its quite therapeutic!

Take care of yourself  

Florie x


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Oh no Tinkerbelle,

What an awful experience and such a terrible shock. We also looked at adopting. I have friends who also had a bad experience after being matched to a destructive and badly damaged child. In their case it went on for years before they admitted that they could not cope. I'm so sorry about what happened to you.

This is so unfair and your SW may be blaming you for a problem that was probably theirs in the first place!


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## estraka (Aug 16, 2008)

How on earth could that happen??  I feel so outraged for you - what a dreadful experience!  Whatever the reason, it sounds to me like total incompetence from the Social Services to have allowed that situation to occur!  My husband and I are thinking of adoption but experiences like yours are precisely the reason why adoption is far from the easy solution to childlessness and why it is insensitive of those who suggest adoption as if it must be an obvious answer to take away the pain of IF - as for those who suggest you get a dog or go on holiday, words fail me!  Idiots!

I would echo Florie's recommendation to check out the bitter and twisted thread as there are many women on there who wanted to create a comfortable space in which to vent outrage and anger at the unfairness of IF and the insensitivity of others to it - which I guess this whole site helps with but it is more vocal on that thread!  

I'm so sorry for your loss.  You must be going through hell.  I hope you find some comfort on this forum and have some good friends and family to help you through and counteract the less than sensitive ones!  Feel free to PM or post reply if you ever want a sympathetic ear.

Best wishes, est.


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