# Do single females in late forties ever manage to adopt a baby younger 18 months?



## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Just at the title says really, do single heterosexual females ever succeed to adopt an under 18 months old baby?

Is it rare?


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

We were given the ball park figure that they like to have no more than 45 years or less between the age of the parent(s) and the child, so anything over 46 and you are looking at children over 18 months (roughly).  Mind you, each case is different and I've learned that rules are there to be broken when it suits SS.  Who knows?


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi,

Being single isn't really an issue for adopting a baby, but sadly, your age may be.

Our LA don't have any hard and fast numbers, but a couple of our friends have been told that it was unlikely a young baby would be placed with a couple in their late 40s/50s when it could be pleased with a couple in their late 30s/early 40s.  There are exceptions to this sometimes, but that often means there's another reason a younger couple might consider a different baby.  If you were looking at a child as part of a sibling group including older children, or a baby that might be classed as hard to place because of other issues, it would be more likely.  Your ethnicity can also play a big part.  Asian, black and mixed race babies are harder to place with an ethnically matching adopter, with SS often look for.

But, having said that, things are constantly changing and there is a huge shortage of adopters at the moment, so it's impossible to say.  I'd recommend ringing up LAs and VAs who cover your area, and asking them.  They should be able to give you a more realistic idea.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Thanks for the replies.

I have just realised that I have added 10 years to my age! The title should have read late thirties!

Would that make it more hopeful?

DO the majority of the babies have potential issues - delayed development etc due to foetal alcohol etc?


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

MMI - you might find the below link useful for your question.
Good luck

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=312892.0


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

GERTIE179 said:


> MMI - you might find the below link useful for your question.
> Good luck
> 
> http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=312892.0


Thank you


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Late thirties is about average for adoption. Age shouldn't be any bar to having a baby placed in that case.

Issues are complex and there are lots of unknowns with younger children and babies. You can limit the risks during matching and specify what you would and wouldn't consider, but you really don't know if or when problems can crop up in the future.

I've had a 19 month old and a 10 month old placed (around a year apart, they are biological siblings). My daughter, now nearly 3, has massive problems as the result of a lot of trauma in early life which we simply weren't told about. She is a wonderful little thing, and I love her completely, but it can be extremely difficult. At the same time, she is very bright, and I'm as certain as I can be she's not going to have problems due to alcohol or drug use in pregnancy, I am fairly sure her development will continue to be good, but the emotional difficulties, and resulting behaviour, are a massive drain on all of us. My baby, now 14 months, appears to be settling very well and I think he is unlikely to have attachment problems in the longer term, but right now he is _incredibly_ needy and insecure. This can be tough, particularly in light of my older child's difficulties and how consuming she can be. He is currently a very alert baby who appears to be developing well, but he was born addicted to heroin and there are questions over BM's alcohol use in pregnancy, which could cause development problems in the longer term. We were aware of this at placement and accepted it. Now he's here, I think I'm pretty hopeful that won't be the case, but then we just don't know.

Both our children would be classed as "easy to place" babies.


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

That does make a difference lol!  We had a 2 year 3 month old boy placed when I was 41 and Dh was 44, I can't see any reason why you wouldn't be considered for a baby based on your age.  I do think babies have their own difficulties though as there are so many unknowns, as a child grows you find out more about their progress, possible issues etc, which was one of the reasons (but only one) that we were interested in children over 2.  Mind you, there are never any guarantees!

Good luck xx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

i'm 41 and mr c is 42, nearly 43, and we have had a 13 month old placed with us. he was seven months when we were first linked but there were various issues that caused a delay, otherwise we would have got him younger still. when we started the process (a looooong time ago) we were told we were unlikely to get a healthy white baby, there just weren't any. before we went to panel our SW was practically forcing us to ask for two years and under. and we had four other matches dismissed before we got master c.

as for issues, well master c has had developmental delay (one of the reasons for the delay in getting him). some of this was due to prematurity (and we have no idea if any of that was down to anything happening in utero) and some due to some external issues.

but he has come on so well, and he is largely age appropriate now. we took a little bit of a leap of faith with him and its paid off


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

I am a 43 year old single adopter matched with 16 month old so in my LA age doesn't matter it's about the loving, safe and secure forever family you can provide your LO with. In fact my SW said that in someways it's a bonus being of more "mature"   years and single because there's no risk of future break up, you can make all the parenting decisions and the LA is confident that you are really sure about adoption being the right thing for you.

There are some couples where one partner or the other wants a child more and the other partner gets swept up in it. My SW said that they have cases where they actually discontinue home study as during one to one interviews when one party or the other reveals they aren't really keen on adoption as the route to parenthood.  

Very sad obviously for the couples this happens to and their relationship, however, at least as a single adopter you know 100 percent what you want and don't have to worry about another person changing their mind or going along with it to please you. 

That said, being the sole carer is a big responsibility and the decision isn't to be entered into lightly. When I have moments of thinking "will it be okay?" I remind myself of the mothers out there in less positive circumstances than me (eg without a strong and loving support network) who raise children on their own everyday. 

Age is a relative concept too which I think the LA is aware of. What may look 'older' when written as a number on a piece of paper may look entirely different when that person is standing there in front of you.  We all know people who are old before their time. I am an energetic, busy, loving and positive woman who is happy and comfortable in her own skin and I know that when my LO arrives, she's not going to say "oh, this wont do, i was hoping for a much younger mummy" 

Yes there may be times in the future where strangers mistake me for granny rather than mummy and maybe I won't win any trophies for the mums run at sports day, but hey, I sure am going to be an amazing parent xx


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Thank you all for your responses - an I am sure that you are all wonderful mummies.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Sorry to hijack MMI, just wondered if anyone has a DH much older and how that affects things age wise.

I'm only just turned 39, but DH just turned 49. We should be approved whilst he is still 49. I'll be main career though. 

Both fit and healthy. He has a lot of energy and people think he's younger than his age, still loves childhood boy toys  

SW at LA said shouldn't be an issue but when it comes to match wonder if they'd think differently. 

We'd like to adopt siblings but as young as possible. Preferably no older than 18 months and 3 years. I'm aware that may change if we see the right profile. 

Anyone any experience of big age gap? In theory I'd think that if a single adopter can adopt a baby in her late thirties then I should be able to adopt young toddler / baby with older sibling with my older DH. But not sure if red tape says differently. 

Thanks

GG xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi GG,

Most agencies policy is on the youngest part of the couple age range wise. The only issue you may have is if a children's SW prefers a younger couple as a match but realistically the average age of adopters is around late 30s/mid forties so I don't see 49 being far away from that. My DH is a good but older then me and our LO under 18months came home when he was 44. 
X


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks Gertie, it's reassuring to hear that  
GG xx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

MummyAuntieKatie said:


> We were given the ball park figure that they like to have no more than 45 years or less between the age of the parent(s) and the child, so anything over 46 and you are looking at children over 18 months (roughly). Mind you, each case is different and I've learned that rules are there to be broken when it suits SS. Who knows?


This is an out of date recommendation that was never endorsed by the people that LAs love to quote it as being endorsed by (BAAF). They should not be using this as a criterion any more, or ruling people out based on age.

The only thing is that if you are older, you may wait longer for a match.

If I were you I'd ring round some LAs and see who is taking on adopters for the age range you want. According to BAAF they should not be judging your age but your capabilities, so they will need to do some kind of assessment to work out what those are.

There are definitely people being matched with children with bigger age gaps (e.g. I was in contact with someone adopting a 4yo through a VA who was in her early 50s, single adopter, so same gap).


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