# Sorry i havent been here for a long time but i couldnt bring myself to update..m



## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

We have been turned down for adoption due to my DH's past, he has a criminal record from 30 years ago involving drugs, they wont allow us to continue, they say that if they remove a child from a family because of drugs and that family found out one of their new adoptive parents was involved in drugs it would make the headlines, now i feel this is a little far fetched but also can see what they are saying.

I am devestated beyond words, to have our only last option of ever being a parent taken away hurts. Every time i think about it i feel tear pricking my eyes and cant talk about it with out getting chocked up.

What is my purpose in life now?

Just devestated.

Symone
xxx

ps good luck for the rest of you on your journey


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## Miranda7 (Feb 12, 2007)

Symone, I had a quick Google round when I saw your post, and the only automatic disqualification is if he'd had a record of offences against children.

As it was so long ago I can't see why they would turn you down for his record, because as such he doesn't have one - the conviction is so far spent it's ridiculous.

You may find that another local authority welcomes you with open arms and it's just your local one that will turn you down. Could moving be an option?

Remind them they are meant to be looking out for the children in their care, not headline-chasing and glory-hunting.  

xxxxxxx


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Really?
I have been too upset/angry to challenge them on this, out SW is a bit of a strick head mistress who is quite rude and forcefull. We did start off with one borough but when we moved we changed borought and it was the previous borough that put us through the prep group etc but as i say we then moved.
Where i am now is a bit of a snobby borough and i always had the feeling we were never good enough. I may well talk to our last sw and see what they have to say.

Many thanks for your input, DH definatly has no crimes against children and although he was a pratt when he was younger he is a reformed character!

x


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

spangle

i am sorry to hear your news, and i dont know a lot about adoption as we are only just starting out on the road, but have you considered using a VA in your area instead of the LA, the children may be slightly older but most people dont see this as an issue to having a family, i wish you luck x


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## Miranda7 (Feb 12, 2007)

I think we're all the same, whether it's adoption or tx - we get so overwrought when given bad news we forget to say, 'hang on a minute...' and just fall apart! I know I did when i got my diagnosis.

But after a few deep breaths there are usually more options. Your SW sounds a right mare - see if you can challenge them or go back to you previous borough, or Popsi's suggestion sounds good?

xxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

I'm so sorry to read your post and not really sure what to advise but it strikes me as being a bit OTT them using this as an excuse to turn you down.  The LA you did the prep course with, did they know about the spent conviction?  You can apply within a 50 mile radius to LAs and VAs so I would contact a few and ask them out right whether this would stop you from adopting.  

As for the BPs finding out, I find this almost impossible unless you were to tell them or the agency did (which is breach of confidentiality) or any children told them later in life (but that could only happen if you told the children in the first place).  As the BPs don't know anything other than your first name they wouldn't be able to do any digging into your past so couldn't find out this way.

Don't give up.
Good luck
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I have no real good advice to offer BUT didn't want to just read your post and run as they say!

I would challenge your SW over this & say like the others have not to give up.

You know the saying about when one door closes another one opens ................anyway you get my point, don't give up, you've come this far and I wish you every bit of luck on the way to finding your family.

Love
Andrea


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

I don't really know what to say hun   it sounds very OTT to me surely the fact that your dh did have a problem (sorry don't know how else to describe it) with drugs in his youth but has overcome it shows great strength in character also he will be able to empathise with bp's and help any children understand what that world can be like (iykwim) and how it might of been that they came to be taken into care (not that i'm asuming your dh was drug dependant but he maybe has a little more insight than some)  

i would deffo try another agency but right from the start be very upfront about dh's past and that your la has turned you down because of it but also make sure you stress what your dh learned from his experiences and how he has changed

hope that makes sense (i'm rubbish at writing down what i'm trying to say) good luck hun

pam xx


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## Rachelbee (Oct 25, 2005)

So sorry to hear your mews, that is so unfair! I think they are going a bit over the top with you, it was 30 yrs ago for goodness sake when I presume he wasn't very old!!

Have you tried another  LA?
Good luck xx


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## Diz74 (Jan 1, 2007)

I'm sorry about this, it must be terribly upsetting for you.  I think if was me I would approach some other LA's or VA's and from the outset bring this up and say that you need to get it off your chest and be open and honest and can they tell you whether it precludes you from adopting - they should be able to say yes or no from the outset, I would have thought.

Good luck, I hope you find a more understanding and helpful agency.

Diz


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

spangle

i am sorry to hear this  

i agree with the others - contact other agencies hun. In our VA it is only offences against children that prevent you from adopting. i know that a drug offence 30 years ago would have no impact  

its worth a few phonecalls hun  

ritz


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Hello Spangle

I am so sorry to read this. I can imagine how hurt and devstated you are  .

Please don't give up. It is the most ludicrous of excuses and is most def worth persuing - either as a complaint or with another local authority. You could also consider consulting a solicitor that specialises in this area.

I wish you good luck

Emma xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

so sorry to hear this spangle - i can only echo what the others have said, please dont give up, and ask for a more detailed explanation, ask to speak to someone more senior if need be to explain.
as saphy says, if anything it could be seen as a strength to be able to identify with the situations BP's sometimes find themselves in...

wishing you all the best
kj x


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## Camilla (Apr 9, 2005)

Hi Symone,

We're just starting the adoption process, waiting for the first information meeting, and your post sent a chill down my spine. My DH too has a spent drug conviciton from over 30 years ago, he was caught with a small amount of grass at a festival and although it's no longer on his police record, I assume we would still have to disclose it? Did your DH have a similar scenario to that of my DH? Sorry to ask you this, I'll understand if it's too private to talk about. 

At what point in the process did they tell you that this would be a problem? How far down the line where you? 

I really hope you can find a way around this. It's so unfair. It can't be right. 

Love
Cam


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

I have never heard of anything so stupid in all my life.
This is classed as spent conviction and fits the the Offenders rehabilitation's' act. I am all for the vetting procedures put in place by Social Services but sometimes they need to look a bit harder before dismissing such issues.

As mentioned on here, i would certainly look further into this when you feel upto it. May be try another LA.

Good luck and hope all works out for you

Cheese x


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Thanks guys, i have left a message with the SW to call me to arrange a face to face meeting. we are off on holiday tomorrow so it will be after we get back.

Camilla, we told them from the word go, i made them do a CRB before we forked out for the medicals, everything even spent convictions show up on the CRB. He was done for posession and intent to supply, the thing it is want his but as he had them etc there really wasnt much he do do, when he told the SW this she asked him if he was angry about it all (getting done for someone elses drugs) and he said it was water under the bridge as it was 30 years ago, she told me that because he didnt say he was angry she wasnt happy with his answer!!! It appears she would rather have him lie then tell the truth!

She did twist the report she had to give her manager and the things she told me i know he didnt/wouldnt have said. Dont you think now though if we meet with them they will think we are lying? That is what i am more worried about now i think.


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