# Scared to go it alone



## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

Hi I'm pretty new to this. Recently decided to take matters into my own hands and try IUI in the hope of getting pregnant. All I have to do now is take the plunge and make an appointment but I'm scared to be doing this alone! I know its kinda what I signed up for by deciding to do this when I'm single but initially I thought my best friend would support me and come to appointments with me. As she is against the idea and I can no longer confide in her I'm totally on my own! I know I need to start the ball rolling and make an appointment to discuss the procedure I'm just scared and feel like I've got no one to talk to. 

T x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

HI Honey,

You are not alone.  There are so many amazing women on this board who have done the same thing.  I had no support from my family but did have great friends.  Can I suggest to attend some of the meet ups on the singles boards?  You will meet others who have gone it alone or are in the process.  It's scary what you are doing and pursuing AI has really shown me who my real friends are.

Walking with you,

Dawn


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Twinklets
Please don't feel alone, there are so many of us going through this and I promise you will find the support on FF invaluable.

I'm currently waiting for a donor, and it's hard going through all this without a partner, but I believe that it makes us stronger, which is just what we'll need to be single parents.

It's a real shame that your best friend isn't being supportive, I know it sounds awful but she can't be much of a real friend is she can't see how much you want it, and this is the 21st century! You will find that she is in fact the exception, that most people are fairly open minded and will accept what you are doing. That's what I have found.

Sending hugs

Sarah xx


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi Twinklets - my best friend was by far the least supportive of the friends I told when I decided to start treatment. I will never forget the comments that she made to me when I told her my plans. However, I do try to remember that many people do think we are crazy for wanting to go down this route by ourselves and it can be a big shock to them to hear about something they weren't even aware of (i.e. trying for a baby by yourself).

I did have some other supportive friends, but as I had treatment abroad I couldn't take any of them with me. I got most of my support from the lovely ladies on here!

Don't let what others think put you off your dreams...many people do change when they realise you are serious, and even more so one a baby actually arrives!


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## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

Thanks for all of your replies I was having an off moment! My friend has been there for me through ups and downs over the years and its because she cares for me that she doesn't think IUI is a good idea because she saw the effect AI had on me 4 years ago so she doesn't want to see me get hurt again. I am considering bringing the subject up again with her but I'm not sure. The thing is she's jus had a baby a couple of months ago and she keeps saying "its hard work, you don't know what its like". I'm not stupid I know it won't be easy and will be twice as hard being a single parent but I'm ready to give it a go and do my best. She had quite a difficult birth which has traumatised her a bit and she was saying "how would you cope on your own and who would be your birth partner". In an ideal world I'd be in a happy relationship and have my partner by my side but as it is I'm choosing to do this alone which means I have to deal with the consequences. I'd thought about asking her to be my birth partner but think after what she went through its unfair to put her through that so I'd probably ask my mum. These are all the things people take for granted. 

My worse fear is the hospital appointments especially at the start having to go through it by myself but that is the choice I've made so I suppose I need to stop moaning and get on with it!

T x


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

I would also have my mum as my birthing partner, I know I would want her there, I trust her above anyone else and also I know she would live to be there.

I was a bit emotional during my appointments, seeing couples there and thinking about how I thought my life would be. But I actually felt really empowered after the first, and I thought that if I can do this alone, I could do anything.

Stay strong, and maybe give your friend some time to get used to it. We spend a long time deciding to do this and when we tell people it's easy to forget that to most people it's totally new!
Sarah x


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi Twinklets

I started at 41 and had differing opinions from people but like Caramac the singles on here kept me sane and were with me every step of the way. I now have a little one and it was all worth it. One of my sis in laws no longer talks to me as she thinks I should have tried harder to find a man and disapproves - in fact she ignored me and my lo on boxing day, my brothers and mum weren't very happy but have now softened up a little now and heard mum telling a friend she is enjoying my lo more than her other grandkids but i am the only daughter.

There is a singles meet up on thursdays at 7 I think in the chat room - you may need to check the chat room for confirmation of this so you could always speak to others who  have been in your situation previously and all the singles are really supportive on here. Like Caramac I also went abroad so went to all appts by myself although through ff i got to know others who would be there at the same time and we met up.


After I gave birth I was in a ward with three couples - one of which the dad was the one asleep in the hospital bed whilst mum sat in the chair, one time the curtains were pulled round the bed and slaps were traded along with full blown row about how daddy had been sleeping around! Being in a couple may be easier some of the time but harder at others.

Good luck and we'll be here for you.

xx


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

I will echo fraggles I was never made to feel odd at appointments for being single and honestly seeing some of the men around and how they behave made me grateful to be single at times !!! after a while you actually forget that going it alone is not the norm! I found it less stressful to suck it up and go alone to appintments than to organise someone to go with and risk being let down- it was hard at the beggining but it will become second nature!


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