# Practical baby stuff? New mums' groups?



## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

OK, so I know quite a few people on here have been matched with under-1s or even just under-2s or have fostered a baby first before adopting - can I just ask if anyone took any practical parenting classes or had ANY kind of guidance in that kind of thing? And how did you get to know other new mums?

We are adopting from overseas and very likely a baby under 1. So there will be safety, feeding, changing, bottles, sterilising, bathing, all that kind of stuff. Of course our prep course focussed on birth family issues, contact, therapeutic parenting, some of which will be VERY relevant as our LO gets older, some not so much, but it's the practical stuff I worry about!

I'm a Brownie leader and I work with slightly older toddlers so I can get a 3 year old to play nicely and a 7 year old to be quiet and go to sleep and a 10 year old to talk about healthy eating or learn to knit... but people don't give you their 3 month olds to practice on for a weekend!

Did you find all this kind of stuff out from friends? Or did anyone brave a prenatal class (or a parenting class without a baby)? Or just wait and ask the health visitor (after you've had the baby at home for a week and figured it all out anyway I would think!)? Or did you just get this kind of thing from the foster carer (which may not be much help to us, for a slightly complicated reason)?


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

I think like all new mums, birth or otherwise, I felt pretty clueless when handed a 16 month old (though developmentally she was around the 12 month stage).

I was a nursery nurse, worked in a baby room - you'd think I'd know what I was doing but trust me once "baby brain" kicks in every ounce of knowledge you thought you had disappears!    You turn into a floundering bumbling soppy mess (in a good way!!)

Definately a lot comes from the Foster Carers.  I think it helps to say to them "look treat me like an idiot - tell me everything".  Certainly I wasn't sure about sterilising and that kind of thing and the FC helped with that.  The only silly questions are the ones you don't ask  

We did a First Aid course during "the wait" and I would recommend doing one if you can.

Health visitors are good to have on your side, and it's worth making sure you see her/him within the first few days of placement as by then you'll have loads of questions.

I also subscripted (via Tesco clubcard so it was free!) to Practical Parenting Magazine.

Bx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

We're  not that likely to have access to experienced foster carers unfortunately (it might happen but doesn't always in cases like ours). Because it is overseas, we may be left on our own in a strange place with a baby.... which is terrifying!

Someone else recommended a First Aid course, I have one for Brownies but it would be really good to do one relevant to infants. Will keep us busy while waiting for a match (and it's something I could probably get Himself to sign up for, he's usually up for that kind of thing).


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi there
our ds was 18 mths at placement. I had lots of experience of older children but knew nothing about babies/ toddlers. I had never even changed a nappy before and remember trying to practice on a teddy bear before intros started.
I basically learnt everything I could from the foster carer. She was great and helped so much but after that it was all trial and error and trying to read as much as I could from baby and toddler books. It was all a baptism of fire!
Like Boogy we did a first aid course but not a parenting one, I think I would have felt a bit strange about that and of course we didn't really know the age of the child we would be matched with. There is a big difference between 0 and 3 years!!!!
The Health visitor was next to useless but my Mum was great but did keep reminding me it was 40 years since she had done any childcare.
I wished I had a group of friends with children of the same age to share those things with but cultivating those relationships has taken a long time.

Good luck with your journey
love Crusoe


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi, 

During the 'wait' DH & I 'borrowed' my friend's little girl and I had the happy task of nappies etc with her (DH wasn't comfortable changing her nappy but does with Spike). We had her for the odd night and day over a period of time. This helped get over doing nappies, feeding etc so when we met Spike we were semi-ok but still very much amateurs!

I also bought a book about child development and what to expect when the child is x months etc - it was a 0-5 year old book and was very informative. I also borrowed a book from the library and it was like 'an idiots guide' to babies/toddlers etc and it went through how to change a nappy, make a bottle etc as I too had no real idea of the 'day to day' runnings of babies/toddlers!

I didn't go to any groups but did look at sites on line for info.

We also found our FCs to be invaluable and it is a shame you may not be able to have the same support from them when you have your LO placed. Don't forget everyone has to start somewhere and it is trial and error on most things.

good luck 

love
T
xxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi 
I was lucky, I think....., in that my brother and his wife were very happy for us to look after their babies overnight from a very early age (around 3 months) and this carried on for years, having my niece and nephew for weekends and holidays, so sterilising bottles, nappy changing etc was something I knew how to do.  

We didn't have a FC that 'helped', she just said 'I can tell you know what to do' and left us to it.

Do you know anyone with a baby that you could speak to or observe/help?  Could you get in touch with your Doc and see if a HV would visit to discuss things and give you some pointers?  Don't know any but I expect you can get a book on these things, worth a look.

Good luck
OT x


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi

Finding this thread very interesting....we have been 'linked' (I think!!?) with 2 little ones, one under 1 and the other under 2....We have lots of young nieces and nephews so I'm quite used to changing nappies, feeding, putting to sleep etc but still in the back of my mind I'm thinking "help!!" What Im mainly concerned about is discipline....not like telling them off but just making them be able to listen to me, to sit for 2 minutes and eat, stuff like that....(ha ha is that wishful thinking!)  

Tarango - Im looking for a book like you mentioned, about ages 0-5.....could you please tell me the name of the book you mentioned? I would rather get one that is recommended you see as I am sure I will be pouring over the pages!! 

Im also thinking that when/if we meet the FC, I will take a notebook with me and write down everything they can tell me...hope they don't think thats weird but just conscious there is so much to learn....I guess its a bit of a crash course for us all but everyone tells me you 'just cope' and things work themselves out into a routine and become second nature. Hanging on to that thought!

Good luck to all - its great can come on here and find people thinking and feeling the same things.

Iman


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

OOh....the spouses....I just thought, I remember someone in our prep group mentioning that they volunteered at a nursery once or twice a week...I wonder if you could do that? If you are Brownie Leader you already have some child experience and a valid CRB so they would probably love extra pair of hands.


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

Hello, 
Wow Iman! a 1 and 2 year old!!     
The books I bought are - The Wonder Years by Dr Martin Ward Platt (0-5) and The Baby Book, how to enjoy year one by Rachel Waddilove. I am not sure of the baby book is suitable as it has things about breastfeeding etc but it does have some good hints and tips.
I can't remember the book I got from the library. 

love
T
xx


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

thanks Tarango will have a look for both of those...

yes an under-1 and an under-2!! Only linked at this stage....lots to do still as you know, trying to keep feet on ground and not get hopes up just in case....but veering between yay!! and Oh my God....lol


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## Guest (Feb 25, 2011)

Fab news Iman.  I remember the first (respite) foster kids we had were 12 and 24 months and they just arrived with two car seats, two high chairs and a double buggy and I was left to get on with it!!  It was a hard two weeks, but wonderful too.  Luckily my nephew was about 18 months so I'd had some experience with him.

TheSpouses - do you know anyone that you could offer to babysit for?  I found my babysitting experience invaluable with the smaller ones.  Alternatively volunteering at a nursery would be great, although Im not sure how you'd fit that in with work?

Hope all goes well and your wait is short...
Bop


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I had my DS at 13 months and my DD at 7 months.  Fortunately, with four nieces and a nephew, I had a fair amount of babysitting under my belt which helped.  Friends and family also offered loads of advice and I had the benefit of the foster carers' experience..  It's not easy to borrow a small baby for a weekend but could you borrow one for a few hours?

We were given a good book by our health visitor, Birth to 5 which covered loads of stuff.  Maybe if you talk to your local health visitor and explain the situation beforehand they may be able to give you some good advice and I'm sure that not all parenting courses require the children to be there.  

As far as meeting new Mums I got to do that in many different ways: the local weekly Mums and Tots, the After Adoption monthly Mums and Tots, storytime at the local library, Music with Mummy.  If you look around there are lots of ways to meet new Mums.

Good luck with your future family.


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

afternoon everyone   


Just had a thought - netmums have a listing if local groups for different areas around the counrty. This is where we 'found' our playgroup. Also the library does a stry time which would also be a good place to meet other mums and children .


have a good Sunday 


T
x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

Hi 

I come from a huge family and have also been very involved with friends kids so found the nappy bits pretty easy but as with any parents have huge moments of doubt over pretty much everything else! 

Getting experience with this age will be pretty difficult as where hospitals/nurserys love volunteers they wont allow to do such intimate care for obvious reasons 

This may sound patronising but you could practice with a doll. I was a nurse and that was how I was officially taught during training and how I started to teach hubby! It wont get you used to the wriggling/peeing and having to distract but it will get you more comfortable with the tabs/getting tight enough/wet wipes/tools needed

One thing to remember is that children are not made of tissue paper and you wont brake them if the nappy is not on right or you bath them too often or too little ;0) it was only when the nappy leaked everywhere and I made hubby wash all the bedding that hubby finally learnt to put the nappys on right xxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

curvycat that is very funny!
I have just spotted a local prenatal class which has 3 sessions run by a midwife but the other two by a HV I think so I might ask if it's possible to go on just the HV sessions. Of course they are all during the day though (if you are having your first baby soon, surely you are likely to be at work during the day?) which is a reason why I'm not that likely to be able to help out at a nursery either (as I work full time at the moment, and given the uncertainty with timing of any match, I need to get in as much work as possible before we have a match and I may have to break it to my boss that I'll be off for a year, come 3 weeks' time!)


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

Hi there,

Our DS was under 6 months at placement, and we had a fab HV who arranged for me to attend a Post Natal Group immediately.  We had 6 very useful sessions on infant health, weaning etc, and I made a number of friends (their children are all a few months younger than my DS as they were newborn at the time of the group).

Again, we picked up a lot of practical tips from DS' foster carer.  Boots' website has some really good downloadable guides on stuff like bathing your baby...but there's nothing like learning from experience!

Good luck


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