# What to say to people at parites, when you don't want to spoil the jolliness



## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

OK, so these days when people ask if I have children, I generally try to use the genius reply: "sadly not". However, sometimes I just get caught out by the question and say "no", which, as I'm sure everyone here knows, causes no end of problems. 

So, last night at a party, with people I don't really know, everyone is being very jolly and upbeat and along comes the question. I paused for a second, and thought if I say the "sadly no" line, it's a bit of a downer (as I'm writing this, I'm answering my own question - why am I still caring about others' feelings, when they don't give two hoots about mine, eh??!!) - so I just said "no", which led to all sorts of hilarious-to-everyone-else comments, including me being heavily accused of being pregnant, simply because I wasn't drinking, and ending with me saying "that isn't an option for us" and feeling like cr*p. 

Oh dear, why didn't I just say "sadly, no" ?


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello!

I'm pondering this at the moment.  I have a plan (although not sure whether I'll be brave enough to go through with it) to reply 'I don't much like that question - why don't you try asking me something more interesting'.
Said with a smile I hope it won't sound to agressive ...  

Jx


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## strayberryblonde (Sep 24, 2007)

I had the same situation the other day - I lied and have no control over my mouth! I ended up saying no i didnt want any kids and that i like my free time and money too much (whcih is the exact opposite to what I wanted to say) but it somehow felt easier to lie then tell the truth! Its driving me mad!


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

It's true - the 'sadly no' coverall is sometimes not appropriate, cos you don't want to go into a downer or have people making 'understanding' comments and treating you like you've got something terminal. Perhaps try (in sarcastic tone) something like "Do I _look_ as if I'm broke and missing my sleep?" That's the kind of thing my dh will think of on the spur of the moment (only he'll say something more witty - I'm so proud of him when he does that). Sometimes it will get a few laughs and the conversation moves on but it also gives out the message 'don't go there'.
Bernie xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi,

I sometimes say "No, we were not lucky that way" or "That didn't work out for us." Neither are exactly upbeat but avoid the sad word or causing offence and I follow up by talking about something good so the subject moves on quickly.

Sometimes I would love to act shocked and say "Actually I'm a virgin!"  

Jq xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi ladies

Firstly, big   to you Emma for having to deal with insensitive b*ms who clearly had nothing better to occupy the space between their ears with making ridiculous comments!

I get this sort of question asked a lot - I usually reply with a flippant retort such as 'they don't make baby seats for motorbikes' but on the odd occasion I do get narked and just tell it like it is - as you say Emma, people have no thought for our feelings, but we try and spare them - why we do this I don't know, but we all do!   

As the years have gone by I answer however I'm feeling at that particular point in time - if its a party where I don't know people I usually respond by throwing a question back at them such as 'no, I don't have kids - do you'? to take the spotlight off me. Its a neat trick that has saved me on many an occasion! Know what you mean strayberryblonde about feeling you have to lie about it as well though - if it helps protect you at a vulnerable time, its something although I know its hard to feel you have to lie about something so massive to you. Truth is, our childlessness is not something that is massive to most other folk I'm afraid unless they've walked in our shoes.

Am also loving the comment jq made about being a virgin, and Bernies gem too! Will save those for future use   also reminds me of the one I save for ignoramous folk 'oh my god, I don't believe it, I knew there was something I forgot to do, I forgot to have kids'! That usually stuns people into silence for a minute and buys me valuable time to escape!  

Love to all xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Like it   I asked dh this morning for a suitable reply and he said "No, I don't have children , I have cats – they're easier to get into university. You just throw them over the wall!"
Typical him!  I love him so!
Bernie xxx


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## helen273 (Jan 26, 2006)

We had the best Xmas party last weekend and went out with 6 friends. None of them have children (2 are like us they can't, 2 dont want them and have a dog instead and we don't know about the other 2 - I have a feeling they could be having problems but I am not going to ask as I know how hard it can be replying), so we didn't have to cope with thinking up replies to baby questions. It was such a relief and made a huge difference to our enjoyment and we had a fantastic time. I think we will be doing it again next year


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

I was in the same position last Sat. I went to a reunion and I was dreading it especially as I have been over indulging the Christmas food and look a bit heavier    Anyway I hadn't been there long but had had a drink before going out when i got a 'hello, I see your pregnant'!!! I did have one of those stupid flowy tops on (which I will never wear again) but still I was not quite prepared and me being me just blurted back 'actually no I am not pregnant'. Then this person said 'oh but you have kids right' and I then blurted out 'actually we can't have them so sadly no'. I didn't mean to make her feel embarrassed but it just kinda came out. We had a chat later on and she apologised and I think because she was one of the few unmarried women there she just assumed we all had children. This is a common mistake.

I then got have you got kids pretty much all night and told all of them we couldn't have them (if DIUI works I could have serious explaining to do   ). One old friend is now a stay at home mum and I felt no connection with her so moved on and only one other drunken bloke kept going on about how important having kids is blah blah whatever mate is what I said to that seeing as he has no life other than a child from a previous relationship. 

In all everything I thought would happen did but I was ok about it. Copious amounts of booze helped a lot but at least I didn't have a demanding child to see to the next hungover day!!


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