# I don't feel old at 44, but I'm made to feel past it, but I want to be a mum.



## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

I've just recently had a bfn. I've got one more try with 2 frozen eggs donated by my sister, who was 36 when she donated them.  I'm still not feeling 100% physically or mentally, because of that and other things, I was thinking of waiting until July to try again.  But what some people say and what you sometimes read in the papers etc, I suddenly feel old! or that I'm old because I'm in my 40's. I also know a few people a similar age who are grandparents! I didn't meet my boyfriend until I was in my 30's and I also have endometriosis, which doesn't help. At the moment I'm taking something to stop my periods, so I've got some relief at the moment. I know women have babies who are older than me, but I just feel I'm the only one whos still to have a baby, everyone I know has now got teenagers. So for going on, I'm just at a crossroads at the moment.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

hang in there. it's scary but you have to have faith.


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## eiluj68 (Jan 11, 2012)

Rosie, please take no notice of what other people think.  You need to feel as physically and mentally strong as possible before you start this cycle especially if it's your final try.  You don't want to be left with regrets and 'what ifs' because you rushed into something you weren't quite ready for.  I totally understand the pressure to 'get on with it' because I had my first child only 5 months ago, just before my 47th birthday.  You know your own body better than these people who are trying to 'make you feel past it' so trust your own instincts and wait if that's what feels right to you.  Good luck hon


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## MissBopeep (Aug 18, 2014)

Rosie, honestly I have taken myself to the moon and back over the 'am I too old' debate (I'm 44, wanted a child since I can remember, only started trying at 43 after Dh had a vasectomy reversal)
I have come to the conclusion some people are lucky and go through life ticking all the boxes at the 'right times' (doesnt always make them happy either), it doesn't happen that way for many of us for various reasons, often beyond our control. Lifes just a lottery but you have to buy a ticket if you want to win the jackpot.
Nature can allow a woman to fall pregnant naturally into her late forties, embrace that! (yes its not common in our 'westernised society' due to the pill/media etc but it doesn't mean its wrong or unnatural) If you buy into the commercial world's desires you would have had kids by now, be a glamorous granny looking amazing on the rides at Alton Towers and enjoying several a saga cruises a year looking smug with your 'silver fox' husband.
I really feel your pain, but don't let others spoil your own chance of happiness, its hard enough pursuing that elusive bfp, please don't waste your energy worrying whether you are too old - you're really not x


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## Mels11 (Nov 3, 2014)

Rosie, if you don't feel too old then you are not too old. Only you know how your body feels and if you feel you have something to offer a child then you are not too old. There are loads of people on here trying for a baby in their forties and fifties so you are not alone. I think part of the problem is that we still don't talk about infertility openly so you probably do know people who are in exactly the same position as you, they just haven't shared it with you. Please don't be put off by whatever you read or you perceive people will say - there is lots of evidence to suggest older women make fantastic mothers and I'm sure you will too.


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

I agree with mels, nobody can make you feel anything without your permission - it's perfectly normal to have questions, anyone with negativity is simply plugging in to those insecurities. It says more about them that you, surround yourself with supporters, you need your energy for yourself and baby now nay-sayers 

All the best with making dreams come true!
X


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Rosie   I had my DD at 47 and will have this little man at 50 ! I don't feel old & I don't look my age. In fact my new GP, just recently, looked shocked when I told him, so I said I normally lie about my age. He laughed & said there was no point with him as it was on his screen    Tbh I think we look a lot younger for not having children !! And now that I'm older, I find it easier to cope. As my OH says, age is just a number. Go for it I say  
xx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Hi Rosie
I echo everyone else on the thread! Go for it - you're not too old! Ignore what people say or what's in the media - they can be so judgmental. I had my DS when I was 47! I've got frosties so am planning on trying again later this year for a sibling - if I'm fortunate, I'd be 48 or 49 when I'd have the  baby! In an ideal world, I'd have met a partner and had children earlier but I didn't. I am single and thought if I waited till I met the right man, I'd never have a child, so have taken no notice of what people think - I'm happy with my decision and love my DS to bits.
People always think I'm younger than I am. I think if you keep healthy and look after yourself, it doesn't matter about your age. 
Deb


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Rosie.. I started a similar thread to yours over the weekend and like you received a massive amount of support and encouragement from the lovely FF ladies. So much so I've just taken a deep breath and pressed the send button on a confirmation email for treatment abroad! Feeling nervous and nauseous now but I know I've done the right thing. I can now echo all the messages youve received because I believe them to be right. The question I asked myself was, would I look back with regret for having one last try when I'm 60... The answer, yes I would. People are responsible for their own lives, not yours. You have to live your life and live with your decisions, Do what makes *you* happy  xx


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## morganna (Sep 16, 2008)

Don't let anything or anyone stop you from having your baby.
It took me decades!!
I was 57 when I gave birth.
I'd wanted a baby since 16!!!

I am complete now. All your dreams come true when it happens!!
Never give up. No matter what it takes.
Love to all.
Morganna xx


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

57!!!
FAN - FLIPPIN - TASTIC !!!! That brings a beam to my face, wow what a wonderful story, well worth an almost 40 year wait.....
Brilliant, just brilliant


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

someone was talking to me about one of my elderly relatives and describing their activities aged 92...talking about them booking a holiday etc, how their 84 year old wife would be driving on to the ferry...
of course none of us can count on hanging on to a ripe old age but gone are the days when people over 60 are expected to sit in an arm-chair with a ticking clock on the mantlepiece and a budgie in a cage. 
if i am active at 90 i will have spent more than half my life being a mum!


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## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

Thank you so much to you all for taking the time to reply. I'm going to keep coming back and re-reading all your comments, whenever I have any doubts etc. Alot of what your have all said about having always wanted a baby and things not working out the way you'd hoped, are just how I feel. When I was a teenager all I wanted was to find a man get married, get our own house and have about 2-3 kids and a dog. I didn't meet my fiance until 2000, when I was in my early 30's. I did have a dog, but I lost her 3 years ago when she was 14. Anyway, thank you again for helping me and for sharing your stories. It was very nice to read them. Good luck to you all in your journey, and congratulations to everyone who's had a baby, you give us all hope    xx


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## kerryh (Apr 15, 2014)

A friend of mine gave birth in December to a baby girl and she is 46 nearly 47. It was after IVF using her own eggs. She had no problems for most of her pregnancy, gestational diabetes at the end, which anyone can get. She had a quick birth with no complications and is having a great time being a mummy.  It can and does happen


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I'm 46 and recently had twin boys.  Like you I kept saying to myself I want no regrets later on and needed to know that I had tried everything.  Double donor was my last attempt before I gave up and it worked giving me two wonderful little boys.  You are certainly not too old. 
TCCx


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## Nancy2013 (Jan 22, 2013)

Thank you soooo much for this thread. I was at a point when I was thinking that I should just give it up at 45.  The success stories are very encouraging. I have never been able to find anyone to share with. Thank you ... thank you


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

my sister is 46 and 7 wks pg with a natural bfp so it can happen


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## Parkin (Jan 8, 2015)

kerryh and Blondie71, both your posts about own eggs pregnancies at 46 are so inspiring! My late son was born when I was 42, and I am pretty much resigned to using donor eggs, but (as a recent post I wrote on the general donor egg thread illustrates) it's very hard to come to terms with sometimes. It's not as simple as wishing I didn't need donor eggs, it's more that my son seemed like such an amazing gift, conceived naturally in my 40s.

Deciding when to stop with one's own eggs is a gamble I'm sure many of you are familiar with. I was told that IVF with my own eggs will not increase my chances at my age, any more than trying naturally. kerryh, were your friend's eggs retrieved when she was 46, or were they frozen embryos from an earlier egg retrieval?


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## holidaygirl08 (Sep 11, 2014)

Hi Rosie,  thanks for posting this...reading all the replies brought me tears of hope. 

I am 45 and have been ttc for just over 2 years.  Had two natural pregnancies with early miscarriage and two failed mild IVF cycles.  In recent months I realised ED may be the only option and have just been to Spain to get the pre-checks all done.  Awaiting results at the moment.  My partner has always been unsure as he has two kids and just yesterday he said he cant go through with it.  I have been wobbly thinking maybe he is right I am too old and its not what nature intended and feeling selfish for even thinking it would be ok.  

Reading the messages says to me there is hope and we need to stay strong.  Reading Tincat's message maybe I can even go it alone if I have my friends around me.  I can't say I have heard one person say they regret it!!!

Like you I'll keep looking on this site when things get tough ...and hopefully one day I will see your BFP   Good luck and take care of yourself 

HG x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Parkin so sorry to hear about your loss such a tragedy for you   I'm not sure if you have resources to try one last OE cycle before moving onto DE? At least it could lay to rest any future regrets? I cycled with a lady who was 45 and we both got pg with twins, sadly she lost one twin but went on to have a perfect girl and is overjoyed.


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## Parkin (Jan 8, 2015)

Blondie71, it's tempting, as I haven't tried at all with my own eggs. I asked about this at a UK clinic last year, when I was 43, and they said that statistically, IVF with my own eggs wouldn't be any more effective than trying naturally. I'd love to ask the 45 year old you cycled with what her AMH, FSH etc was, etc. My FSH was really good when I had it tested last year, but my AMH was very low, at 1.75, so I think that means I would be unlikely to respond to drugs. I then contacted another UK clinic which specialises in natural and mild IVF treatment, and the secretary there ignored my emails, which put me right off.


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Would you be willing to talk to my clinic Serum in Athens? Penny is lovely and she will realistically tell you if it's worth your while or not,  she also has had good succes with natural ivf! I will look up the 45 yo lady as she posts on here and see if I can find her Amh etc for you pls be patient as it may take time as have to go back to 2012 lol.


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## Parkin (Jan 8, 2015)

Thanks so much for your reply, Blondie71 - I have PM'd you


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## 1jane (Dec 2, 2014)

Just to say I'm 44 and trying for my first.
Thanks so much to everyone who's told their stories and commented ... It's made me feel more 'normal' x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

I also feel aged alligator lady but others tell me different, I had a hospital appt for one of the boys yest and a lady shouted across the waiting room that I was too young for twins as couldn't have been more than 27   she made my day haha   and others were shocked too when I revealed my real age so it may be only you that sees yourself getting older x


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## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

Thanks again for everyone's replies  . I'm glad I started this post it's given me some hope and I don't feel so alone, also I'm glad this post has helped a few of you   . 
Alligatorlady- Just want to say, I'm glad I'm not the only one who is worried about looking older, since I turned 40, it's like I've suddenly got lines etc. Apart from that, and because of endometriosis and menopause making my body feel old, inside I feel at least 10 years younger. I'm trying to sort out the health problems and hoping to excercise etc more, especially before my next try. 
Anyway thanks for taking the time to write and I hope you all get a bfp soon    I hope we can maybe share on here, our good news.


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## Alligatorlady (Apr 14, 2014)

Thanks Rosie71, its also lovely to know that I'm not alone. I too feel young inside. But when I look in the mirror, I dont feel I 'match'. 

I've been doing facial exercises like mad too. That seems to help a bit. But I might investigate some of those face creams made for 'menopausal' women...!

Best of luck to all of us.


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## Caroline1759 (Sep 10, 2009)

Hi Rosie

I know how you feel. But it's really important to go with your gut and not what others or society dictates. I say go for it! I'm nearly 45 and single and having IVF using DS. I'm mean, really the odds aren't in my favour but I  not ready to give up yet. I guess you could say I had 'social infertility'. I've had years of abusive relationships, that took a toll on my physical and mental health. It's taken me a long time just to be able to even be ok with myself. I had planned to go it alone with DS last year but then unexpectedly met someone
We had relationship and I fell I'm love and hoped we would have a family, you know, last chance etc (he was 3 years younger than me, so also getting on a bit!).  But we recently broke up (unfortunately he turned into a bit of another A-hole - discovered he was on  sex sites trying to meet women behind my back).  I'm heartbroken but trying to move on quickly and put my dream of having a child first. 

I've thought about it a LOT - being older, the risks, choosing to be a single mother, using anonymous DS. It couldn't be further away from what I spent my life longing for. But life doesn't always work out as hoped and I think once you accept this it's easier to move forward with a new plan . 

I look older, I feel older (hate all those bits starting to sag!).  But on the flip side, I'm more emotionally healthy than I've ever been and more financially stable.  

I was really nervous telling people about my plans to do IVF. But I have to say everyone I've told so far has been really supportive, including my family. I'm sure there will be some people who think i'm unrealistic or wasting my money or selfish for choosing to go it alone etc etc. But  that's their problem, not mine.

So best of luck to you with whatever decision you make.  Listen to your heart and it will help you.

Cxxx


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