# Changing lo's name



## Duckling (Oct 5, 2009)

After spending the weekend agonising over this decision and getting more and more upset, I thought I'd see if anyone has any experience of this: we have been told that we can change lo's name if we want. This is because of a link we've made between birth family and our family's locality. Sw's say they don't think there's a risk really but if it makes us feel more secure to go ahead.
Dh thinks we definitely should but it's really upsetting me. I have this strong gut instinct that it's the wrong thing to do. I think he's going to have enough upheaval now and enough in the future to come to terms with. Also to me he is the name he is, that's who I've bonded with and it just feels wrong. But I don't want dh to always be looking over his shoulder, I don't want to do anything at all to put our little boy at risk. And I really want us to agree on our decision.
It's not a name that we could subtly change (it's a lovely name). He's a year old. Any experience of this gratefully received.
Thanks, Duckling x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
The only time I would consider changing a LOs name is for their (& family units) safety.  You could keep it as a middle name or give him a middle name and call him by that rather than actually changing his first name on paper.
At 1 you can get away with changing the name, my BIL did this with a child he adopted though not for safety reasons.
We had a breach of confidentiality and our surname and area was disclosed to BPs.  Now our DS is no long X to them but X Y and they are in the same county so he has lost a lot of freedom as a result of a human error   
Its unusual for SS to suggest changing a name so if they are its for a good reason and I would seriously consider doing so.  You often dont' realise at this stage just how much you could be looking over your shoulder and this will affect all aspects of your life together.
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi

We changed our DD name she was 9 months old at the time, we also had the full backing of SWs for the change in name and supported us completely.

We kept DD birth name as her middle name and the 2 go really well together.  

Its a difficult decision to make and one that has to be made for the right reasons.

I know lots of adoptive parents who would have loved to have the opportunity to change their children's names but got blocked by SS.

Think long and hard about why you are being given this opportunity and both sit down and talk about it.

Good luck
superal


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi Duckling


It's a tough one, I know, but we changed our LO's name and he took to it in no time. His name was quite unusual so we did not want the risk of being found easily on ******** etc when he grows up. We agonised and agonised and DH was a bit against it, but we decided to change it as SW's recommended it too. We changed it to something very similar to his name but a more common name and changed his name to his middle name so he keeps the history of it. We decided if he wanted to change it back after 18 it is fine by us.


He was nearly 11 months when we changed it, it was pretty amazing he took to it so quickly, probably as it is quite similar.


panorama x


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## Kewoo (Dec 6, 2011)

Hi

We kept DS name as he was 14 months by the time we got to meet him and he was his name.  We have added a middle name so it was more personal to us and his already given middle name was the same as DH so there was a connection.  Our DS is a family member so BPs already have an idea where we are although 200 miles away. 

DS half sibling was adopted at 11 months and I know they have changed their name to something completely different.

I think you and DH have to agree on what is best for the child and your family.  Good Luck with whatever your decision is I know it can't be easy

xxxx


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## Duckling (Oct 5, 2009)

Thankyou all for your replies, they really have helped. SWs have taken the decision out of our hands (wish they had at the beginning) and said it's in his best interests to change it. Have been very upset but spoke to fc who says he looks just like our new name    and is fully behind us. So feel so much better and can't wait to meet him. Am going to have to start thinking of him by his new name now though!
Many thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Duckling xx


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## Cliec (Apr 20, 2010)

Dear Duckling, 
Just read your thread, my brother and I are adopted and both had a name change,we grew up happy and safe in our new family and the choice to find B.F. was left to us both....I am so glad it was. Mum was so worried for years, and only relaxed after formal paperwork in new names completed.Hoping to be adopt ourselves....
Very best of luck with Lo and new name,
Cliec x


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## SWGirl (Aug 19, 2004)

Hi Duckling,  when you say 'experience' I am not sure how loosely you use that term but yes, I knew someone that had a name changed by adoptive parents. Completely different situation to yours though.  Seems like your child is a good age for this and it's for good reasons.  The guy I knew was much older when adopted, 4 or 5 and had become attached to his name but the problem he really had was that they changed his name because his new family already had one child with the same name.  He mentioned feeling like the second priority from the start etc.  By the time I knew him he had changed his name back to original name.  Completely different situation so probably of no use to you whatsoever but afraid that's the only experience I have of a name change.


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