# Hello everyone!



## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi everyone

I am a newbie and thought I better introduce myself.  

I am Sue, aged 35, been with my partner for two years (and getting married in a month’s time!  ) and we have been trying for a baby for just over a year.

Every month when I get my monthly “friend” I get so low and depressed, I feel such a failure and I do nothing but cry.  I spend the rest of the month hoping that this is the month that we will conceive and the disappointment is so overwhelming.  I feel so isolated with our problem; I live abroad and only have my partner to talk to about it, no family or friends around me.  He just says that it will be ok, we will have a baby some day, but as the months go on, I get more depressed about it, especially when I know it is more difficult at my age.  I have spoken to the doctor and he said that if we don’t conceive by October to go and see him.  I think I will go in September!

What makes it worse is my sister-in-law is pregnant (and they weren’t even trying) and she is due in a few months.  Of course the whole family are talking about it and all I really want to do is to tell them to shut up about it.  When it was mother’s day over here, my teacher asked us all individually what we did for mother’s day.  I just broke into tears and ran out.  All of the women there had children except for me.  I just couldn't control my emotions

Just a few questions – does weight have a large (sorry for the pun!) effect on the ability to conceive?  If I lose weight will that help?  (size 16-18 at the moment)  Any other tips or advice you can give me?

It is great to find a group like this and know that I am not alone.  Just reading the messages makes me feel better.

Hugs

Sue


----------



## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

and Welcome to FF Sue
I am 34 and like you a size 16-18 - It does get me down at times and I know that losing about a stone /stone and a half will hep but I have PCOS and have just come out of a clinical dfepression so the weight is realy an issue I am ignoring at the moment, Anyway

It sounds like the mothers day experience was very upseting - understandably 

I can only suggest seeing your gp after youve enjoyed your wedding and all the fun and festivities surrounding that. and take it from there, 
Keep posting here because your not alone and if you and your partner do end up needing treatment - whether it by Clomid or IVI/IVF then you willl be prepared.

You may want to read these links re mothers day http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,52780.0.html & http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,52640.0.html
Although the day has now past the hurt it causes is still relevent.
(be warned a tissue may be needed)

Wishing you lots of    &  

~Dizzi~


----------



## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi sue and welcome to the site 

firstly i hope the wedding goes well 

Ok well first of all by joining this site u will recieve so much support and advice and u can stop nagging at your other half as u can do it all on here now like i do!! I go on at my hubby like u sometimes do at your partner and my hubby has the same attitude that it will happen one day. Over the last week me and my hubby have nearly fell out over the whole baby situation as we have been ttc for 3 yrs now and ive let it take over my life - my advice to u is - please relax and enjoy the time u have with your partner and find those good times again and if u fall pg then great if not then go see the GP in september or october and see what they can do.

I know how it feels my SIL has a son now and her hubby and it made me feel so upset that it wasnt me but i know deep down that it will happen for me one day and when it does she can never know that feeling of how much i wanted that baby.

Also yes maybe loseing a bit of weight mite help? I am trying to lose some weight ready to hopefully start tx next yr and my hubby is giving up smoking and trying to lose some weight so hopeing this may help.

Good luck

Kate xx​


----------



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Sue

Welcome to FF!!

Ideally your BMI needs to be below 30 to give you the best chance of conceiving and the nearer your ideal BMI you are the better.. However that said if you have a medical reason for not conceiving it might not make any difference.  When we first started ttc I was told if I could lose 10% of my body weight that would double or triple (cant remember sorry!) my chances..

So I guess if you feel like you can lose weight at moment give it a go, but if you can't dont make yourself miserable over it!  Similarly crash dieting can have a detrimental affect on your fertility so think you'll have to just try and be sensible!

Good Luck hun

Amanda xx


----------



## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi Dizzi! 

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I know, losing weight is easier said than done!! I have started a food diary today so we will see how things go!

I cried when I read the first link to mother's day. What a beautiful poem. Yes, I did have the tissues nearby! My partner has 3 adopted children that his ex never lets him see and I think of them on mother's day. I had such a bond with them, and I miss them - as well as yearning for a child of my own.

And reading your story at the bottom of your message and the others on the mother's day thread, I feel such a whinger compared to what you and the others have been through.

Sending hugs and       back to everyone on this forum

Sue 



Dizzi squirrel said:


> and Welcome to FF Sue
> I am 34 and like you a size 16-18 - It does get me down at times and I know that losing about a stone /stone and a half will hep but I have PCOS and have just come out of a clinical dfepression so the weight is realy an issue I am ignoring at the moment, Anyway
> 
> It sounds like the mothers day experience was very upseting - understandably
> ...


[br]Posted on: 19/06/06, 12:52
Hi Kate!!! 

Thanks - just went to order the dress today  . I didn't want to order it six months in advance in case we got pregnant and it wouldn't fit me any more, so left it to the last minute. Forunately the woman can do all the alterations in time!

Yes, I have found this site a great comfort and support already. As much as I would like to be the only person with this problem, it is good not to feel alone. My partner is used to me nagging by now!  He just knows to keep clear of me during certain times of the month. I try to relax but it is easier said than done! It is always in the back of my mind.

I am sorry to hear that it has put such a strain on you, I hope things improve for you and you will soon have something to celebrate! 

Good luck to you too!     

Hugs 

Sue xx



Kamac80 said:


> hi sue and welcome to the site
> 
> firstly i hope the wedding goes well
> 
> ...


[br]Posted on: 19/06/06, 13:02Hi Amanda! 

Thanks for the information - it is very interesting. I didn't know it made that much difference. I am going to cut your post out and put it on the fridge!! Hopefully it will keep me out of there!

I have no idea what my BMI is - and I am not sure I want to know - lol! I will do a search on the internet on how to work it out.

I would never consider crash dieting - not for a minute. I know people who have done soup diets, milkshake diets but I just think eating sensibly with a bit of exercises is the best way to do it. I have done it before, several times! 

Thanks again - and good luck to you too! 

Sue xx



MandyB1971 said:


> Hi Sue
> 
> Welcome to FF!!
> 
> ...


----------



## emma49 (May 23, 2006)

Hi Sue,

Welcome to FF.  Like you i'm quite new here too.  I'm sure you will find it as supportive as i have.

Best wishes for your upcoming wedding.  I hope you have a real dream day. 

I know what you mean about feeling lonely.  I live in France and although DH is fantastic and we really are facing everything together, i do find it hard to not have my family or close friends nearby.  Thank goodness for FF !!!

See you on the boards

Emma.


----------



## cheekychops (Jun 19, 2006)

Hi Sue,

I feel just like you, i am new to the site but hoping it will help, i am 35 and live in Spain, i feel very lonley at times and need a friend to chat to. I have had IVF once and all was going very well produced 15 eggs, had 2 put in negative response, i had 2 of my last frozen embies put back on Friday and i am going crazy. Husbands are useless they, well mine, just doesn´t understand how i feel at all. My friend who works with me is pregnant with twins, and they weren´t even trying, makes you cry doesn´t it. 
All i can say is enjoy yourself as much as you can because being stressed does not help.. i do crosswords and suduko to take my mind of it.

Good luck.

Sarah
xxx


----------



## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi Emma! 

I love your positive attitude! I wish you all the luck in the world with the FET. 

Nice to meet another Expat. The only contact I have with the "outside" world is going to school and studying Dutch - I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. This board is exactly what I need.

I spoke to my mum on the phone last night and she was going on about my brother's upcoming baby and I just told her straight about the problems we had been having conceiving (I have basically only told people on this forum! No one else!) - so hopefully she will watch what she is saying in future.

Thanks for the good wishes! I am marrying the man of my dreams so it is already a dream day!

Yes, see you around!!!

Sue 



emma49 said:


> Hi Sue,
> 
> Welcome to FF. Like you i'm quite new here too. I'm sure you will find it as supportive as i have.
> 
> ...


[br]Posted on: 20/06/06, 14:55Hi Sarah! 

Another Expat! It is nice to "meet" you!

I have my fingers crossed for you. I hope you get a positive result this time. 

Men don't understand and a lot of women don't either. None of my close friends have had trouble conceiving. You are much further "down the road" than me and I can't even begin to comprehend what you are going though but feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.    

Actually I do a lot of sudoko! I have it on my mobile phone and it keeps me amused! I have exams over the next fortnight so I will think about being relaxed after they have finished!!! 

Good luck to you too - and try to take some of your own medicine and relax as much as you can.

Hugs 

Sue xxx



sarahfoster4 said:


> Hi Sue,
> 
> I feel just like you, i am new to the site but hoping it will help, i am 35 and live in Spain, i feel very lonley at times and need a friend to chat to. I have had IVF once and all was going very well produced 15 eggs, had 2 put in negative response, i had 2 of my last frozen embies put back on Friday and i am going crazy. Husbands are useless they, well mine, just doesn´t understand how i feel at all. My friend who works with me is pregnant with twins, and they weren´t even trying, makes you cry doesn´t it.
> All i can say is enjoy yourself as much as you can because being stressed does not help.. i do crosswords and suduko to take my mind of it.
> ...


----------



## emma49 (May 23, 2006)

Hi Sue (and Hi to Sarah too),

What do you think girls, maybe we should start an expats thread?  I am sure there must be other ladies off in foreign lands too.

    

Emma.


----------



## Strawberries (Apr 6, 2005)

Hi Sue,
        Welcome to ff, I'm new too.
All the best for your wedding next month, and all goes well.
          Just like me, my BMI got to be below 30 and mine is 32, before i can start my IVF treatment.
If you can lose weight, it will give you a better chance to conceive.

Blowing you some bubbles   . And sending you lots of baby dust    


                                                    Good luck
                                        
                                              Strawberries'n'cream.


----------



## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Sounds a good idea Emma. Where do we put it?!

Sue 



emma49 said:


> Hi Sue (and Hi to Sarah too),
> 
> What do you think girls, maybe we should start an expats thread? I am sure there must be other ladies off in foreign lands too.
> 
> ...


[br]Posted on: 20/06/06, 18:39Your post snapped me into finding out what my BMI is ..... urm...... 42 isn't good, is it?!  

I have stuck the print-out on my fridge, together with a note about needing to have a BMI below 30 before you have IVF in England. I am sure that will scare me into losing weight. It does say that a BMI that high is a factor in infertility - but I have been a lot lighter and not able to conceive - losing weight can only help though.

Blowing you bubbles and babydust back!!! 
   

I hope you get to start your IVF treatment soon.

Hugs

Sue 



strawberries'n'cream said:


> Hi Sue,
> Welcome to ff, I'm new too.
> All the best for your wedding next month, and all goes well.
> Just like me, my BMI got to be below 30 and mine is 32, before i can start my IVF treatment.
> ...


----------



## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

Hi there everyone....welcome to FF 

Will look into a good place to put an expats thread if you want one 

Take care everyone, Lizzy xxx


----------



## infinity (Jun 21, 2006)

I read your msg and completely understand.

Having a new baby in the family is very difficult to cope with espically when the new addition to the family wasn't planned.

My sister-in law had a baby 1 yr ago during her pregancy i found the sitiuation extremely distressing. As much as i would love to have a new addition to the family i felt a great loss of my own.

The baby was the talk on everyone's lips although nobody knows about mine and my partners fertility problems so i cant complain about people not being tactful. I just found that the fact i didnt have a child was brought to everyone's attention and was constantly asked when i would settle down (to which i answered that i love hoildays to much).

On the night of her birth my partner went to the hospital to support his brother but i couldnt cope.
It to 3 weeks before i felt strong enough to see the baby (selfish maybe) but i knew i would collapse into a blubbing mess. When i saw my partner hold his first niece/nephew in his arms i cried my self to sleep for days.

As they say time is a great healer and though looking back it felt like my world was ending, it made me stronger. I was once read for every new baby addition to the family i'll will grieve for my loss in the same way i would grieve for a death. 

I would have to agree it's true but i can honestly say there is light at the end of the tunnel although the pain, frustration and envy never goes away it does ease.

Stay Strong and good luck, all the best x


----------



## cheekychops (Jun 19, 2006)

Hi Emma and Sue,

Expats thread, well that would certainley take my mind off things before i go Suduko crazy, i knew things were bad when my mum bought me an electronic one... i thought how sad am i. But now i have the message board so that keeps me entertained, because although you know that you´re not the only one out there you just don´t realise how many people struggle for a family, i used to think that people who were childless chose to be that way and no other reason, very small minded i know.
It is also great to hear others great news like Sue´s wedding and other who have had positive results so lets all chill out and try and enjoy ourselves.
Saw my very pregnant friend off to day, she is going back to the UK, she is expecting twins, and they weren´t even trying !!!!! I believe in fate so what will be will be.

Take care every one.

Sarah
xxxx


----------

