# Hi, do you mind if I butt in here?



## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi everyone, I really hope you don't mind me butting in, and that no one thinks I am insensitive.  

i just need a place to empty my head.  I'm usually on the adoption boards but there is so much good news over there, and many others having difficult times that it just didn't feel right to post over there.

A bit about me, well after ttc for 2 years we discovered that DH has azoospermia.  It was strange, in a way we were grateful that it was clear we'd never have bio-babies without some serious intervention, but we were of course devastated.  I guess I mean that there were no doubts, we couldn't have bio-babies so had no choice but to move on.  We started the adoption process 3 days later and have now been approved for almost 6 months. 

We really feel that we have been "called" to be adoptive parents, and that God plans to (and has already) use us to support other couples through infertility.  My DH is a church minister, as is my dad and DH's dad!  (made our wedding interesting!!!)

I am struggling so much just now.  I feel I've come to terms with our infertility as much as i ever will, and am very happy with the route we've chosen to parenthood - no doubts at all.  it's just the waiting.  i know 6 months probably doesn't sound long, but I am so tired.  I am obsessed with receiving that phonecall to say I'm going to be a mummy.  I've totally switched off at work (I work with children whose parents are drug/alcohol users), and although my bosses have been really supportive, they have to draw a line somewhere.  i just can't cope being there any more, working with abused children while out there somewhere mine are growing older without their forever family.  I need to stay on at work so I can claim statutory adoption pay but i will be leaving work permamently once matched. 

I truly believe that God does not test us beyond what we can bear, and this has kept me going for so long.  Now I feel I'm close to breaking point.  I'm scared the impact this is having on my mental health.  So much depends on this one phonecall, and I am exhausted waiting for it.  Fortunately i managed to reduce my hours to 3 days per week, but still burst into tears almost every day.  How much more can i take?  

We're due to move out the area next January when DH moves church so we've got massive time pressures on us too which is stressing me out.

Sorry this has been so long.  I feel better having just written it down.  

thanks for reading
Bx


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## kate101 (Jan 16, 2006)

Hi Boggy,  I didn't want to read and run.  It sounds like you need lots of TLC at the moment.  I have always thought that the worst part of this whole journey is the seemingly endless waiting.  I have always found it to be the thing that makes me feel the worst.  I don't know much about the adoption process yet, but can your SW team give you any idea/ information?  What happens when you move out of the area as far as your adoption process goes?  
I wish I could offer some sensible advice, but I can't.  You need to be kind to yourself and not feel bad about feeling bad (if that makes sense). I hope you have lots of understanding people round you to give you lots of time.  You will achieve your dream.
I will pray for you.

love kx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Thanks Kate

Adoption is all about waiting, waiting and more waiting.  At this stage it's all in the hands of social workers, and although we have a great Social worker she has endlessly given us false hope on timescales.  We basically can't move until we have adopted and everything is legal (about 6 months after placement).  As time goes on I feel we become less "attractive" to social workers because we plan to move and this can be very unsettling to a child.  we know we are being considered for children at the moment, so the phonecall really could come any day.  

We have a wonderful couple who have supported us through our journey and we are seeing them on Friday.  we're trully blessed that we can say anything to them in confidence and we pray together so I'm really looking forward to that.  Our families don't really have any idea what we have been through.  

God's timing is perfect.  It's just so hard to understand his thinking sometimes!   

Thanks for your prayers

bx


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## skybluesarah (Nov 15, 2006)

Gosh, that sounds really tough. I have to admit that the waiting is something I would struggle with too if we end up adopting. 

I'll pray for you and your hubby, and for that long-awaited phone call.


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## Dibley (Mar 26, 2006)

Oh Boggy - I so feel your frustration  and I will pray really hard for you that you will find peace of heart & mind during this waiting period 

Really hope you find Fridays meeting with your friends uplifting - I'm sure God will use them to reach out to you 
Remember your phone call WILL come - you are a mummy already - your little one/ones are out there probably eager to meet you too - we can never understand God's timing but when you have your family around you, you will look back and see that His timing was just perfect! Until then, know that you can come and share with us - we will keep you going through our prayers 

God bless, Dibley x


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## Anand (Nov 29, 2007)

It's so heartwarming to read these loving kind messages of support that people can offer to one another even though they are coping with their own pain of IF.

Boggy - sending you much love and prayers 

Anand xxx


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

IF is one of those things which can only really be understood by those who are going through or have been through it.  I love reading succes stories as they give me hope.


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

thanks ladies

It's so true that only people who have been through IF can understand properly the situations we face.  I'm sure some people think it strange that I can get myself in such a state waiting for a phonecall, when they don't understand that the call will bring years of childlessness and pain to an end.

Thank you again for your prayers, I will remember you all in mine.

it's all very biblical what's going on here - the kindness of strangers.

Bx


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## Guest (Mar 16, 2008)

Boggy

The waiting is often the worse bit, in tx and I'm sure in adoption too. I have no wise words for you, just that I see your hope and faith is sustaining you, and I pray for you to get this phone call soon.

Rivka x


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Boggy  .

It is the most horrendous of '2ww'. It really is. If you remember how difficult some people find the 2ww, you will realise that you are doing incredibly well. 

With love

Emma x


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## kate101 (Jan 16, 2006)

How ya feeling now Boggy?

Thinking of you.

Kx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hiya, thanks for thinking of me  

I'm feeling OK just now.  After my meltdown last week i decided enough was enough and booked a week off work next week so going away for a couple of days so that's helping.

Been otherwise occupied the last few days after hurting my back - you wouldn't believe how dangerous ladies toilets were!  Someone came in the door behind me and slammed the door handle into my back so I spent a few hours in A&E, have been getting lots of sympathy and milking it for all it's worth.  Even phoned in sick yesterday even though I could probably have managed!    Back is fine now, just a bit bruised.  

I can't decide if this week has been a result of god having a sense of humour or just working in mysterious ways!    

Thanks everyone for your support

Bx


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## Dibley (Mar 26, 2006)

Hi boggy,

Ouch  a door handle into your back! Oooh painful - but glad to hear the back is on the mend 
You're sounding alot more chirpy and I'm sure your break will do you the world of good 

_I can't decide if this week has been a result of god having a sense of humour or just working in mysterious ways!_  
In my life I always feel the two go together! 

It will all turn out for you in the end -of that I'm sure! 
Have a good break, relax, chill for a while - knowing that I'm still praying for your call! 

Take care hun, Dibley x


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## snickers34 (Sep 11, 2006)

Hi Boggy, just read you post.  How frustrating for you just having to wait for the call.  I feel at times very impatient and frustrated because I want a result - either to get pregnant or know that treatment hasn't worked and we can start adopting.  Sometimes my impatience can consume me too.  I'm glad to be doing something at last though (just started first IVF).  It's the inaction that drives you mad.  

I know what you mean about work, I really have to try hard to appear helpful and to be enjoying work.  A friend and my managers know about my treatment but my managers never ask me how it is going or make any reference to my situation, I think they're just waiting for the time I go off (which is adoption is our way, it's some way off yet).  

I'm trying to keep busy and have lots of interests along the way to take my mind off the waiting game.  You are so close now, just hang on a bit longer ... the right children will be there for you ... when you look back I'm sure you'll be glad that God's timing was perfect.  Sorry, hope that doesn't sound too patronising ... people say that to me sometimes and I get upset about it, but at the end of the day I think that's the truth, but it is hard to swallow sometimes!  

Sarah x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi folks,

Just wanted to update my previous post - good news and thanks be to God we are going to become parents next month to a little girl, 15 months old.

Thanks for your prayers,

God's timing is perfect!

Bx


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

Fantastic news Boggy.


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## Wicklow (May 13, 2006)

only just see your 1st post and now read your absolutly fantastic news! A 15month old - what a gorgeous age - God is so amazing!

Ruth


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## icky (Oct 6, 2005)

Congratulations boggy really eally pleased for you! I bet all the waiting will be so worth while

xxx


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