# Programme on Channel 4 tonight



## Jane D (Apr 16, 2007)

just to warn everyone there is a programme on tonight at 9 pm about women with lots of sons wanting an elusive daughter.  Only positive thing I can say is that people are saying how much they really want a daughter demonstrating how equally desired and treasured little girls are here.  I know the show will deal with embryo sex selection and why it is banned in UK and I look forward to seeing peoples opinions on here.

Jane


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## Hetty 27 (Jul 12, 2007)

I never thought I would see a woman weep and cling to her husband with grief at her 20 week scan not because her baby had died or had a terrible defect, but because the perfectly healthy child she was carrying was a boy and not a girl.

I think the women on tonights programme should thank their lucky stars for their healthy sons and look at the thousands of couples who would give anything to be in their position.


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## Redhead (Jul 17, 2009)

This is the first time I have been back on FF since December. Unfortunately I had two failed cycles last year. This year we are having a break from the whole process as it was taking a toll on us both. 

Just stupidly watched this programme and it made me really angry. These ladies had beautiful baby boys and I just couldn't understand how the one who finally got girls compared just having boys to infertility. Also seeing the American lady get another negative brought all the feelings back from my last cycle  in November  

Sorry for the rant but needed to get it off my chest!

Love and babydust to you all x


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

My God

To say I was shocked by the attitude of the women that featured in tonight's Cutting Edge programme would be an understatement.

What selfish selfish women......I couldn't believe the woman that cried at her 18 week scan after finding out it was her fifth boy. Her dad even cried 'for' her because he knew how much she wanted a girl. 

I can't believe women like that exist....what's wrong with being happy to have a healthy baby full stop - no matter what sex.

I mean WTF - what is the world coming to?


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## levin (Jan 9, 2006)

OMG just watched this programme and it's made me seriously angry. Why can't people just be grateful that they've been so lucky as to conceive a child naturally.
I was seriously annoyed by the posh woman who said that her not having a girl was just as upsetting as someone who couldn't have a baby at all, i mean WTF. What planet does she live on. Also i was shocked by the woman who was only nervous about her 20 week scan because she was desperate for it to be a girl - not at all concerned that it was an anomaly scan which could have potentially shown up any problems.
I seriously feel sorry for the boys in these families, how bad must they feel to have their mums harping on about wanting a girl all the time - it must make them feel worthless and like they're not good enough.
All i can say is that these women are seriously selfish and in all honestly don't deserve what they've got.

Love Leanne x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

I find this subject so difficult.   I'm watching it and all the waiting and desperation of wanting to conceive and the hellish days of IVF are all coming back to me, but I wanted a child, any child.   
At the same time, I do understand that these women are disappointed with their lot, but I guess a few generations back, people would have said that about me before I had children, and told me it just wasn't to be.   There would have been nothing I could do about it.

I'm not a big lover of pink and girly ways, like some of the mums in the programme profess to be, so when my first and what I thought was going to be my only child, was a boy, I was just overjoyed to have my baby at last, and I didn't really feel that strongly about not having a girl.   I couldn't help but think that a couple of them were in love with an unrealistic image of what a girl might be like, and I worried that they might have their girls and be disappointed by them.  What if they hated pink?!!!    What if they didn't like dolls or shopping?   
When I was lucky to go on to have my DD, quite a few people said to me 'oh, one of each, how lovely' , some who didn't know about my fertility issues even said 'you can stop now' and I sort of wondered why... 
I also wonder what it feels like to have all these boys and still not to be happy.     

In some ways I found the American woman who had gone as far as PGD the easiest to engage with, but she had the luxury of being able to afford it.  I was actually very concerned about the woman whose 5th child was going to be a boy and who was quite obviously struggling to bond with her unborn child as a result.  I felt that if she was going to be that disappointed with a boy, she had a much stronger chance of having a boy than a girl, she perhaps should have reconsidered having another baby at all.    I worried about her reaction to the scan, albeit emotionally charged because of pregnancy hormones and so on, but nevertheless her sons would be picking up on her obvious disapointment and, well, might they be thinking their mum was disappointed to have them too? I have a friend who has only boys and says that if she could guarantee a girl she might have another, but she can't and so she would rather leave her family as happy as it is, it's that important to her. 
I also didn't understand why the american family and the lady who ended up having twin girls, felt their boy families had to be so totally male, for want of a better word.  Having grown up in a family with three boys and just me, I certainly didn't feel the testosterone quite like they did.  
It doesn't have to be like that and boys can get on with their mums and have a wonderful relationship with them.  Having had a boy I do understand it can be a very different experience raising them, but I suppose I'm just a bit flummoxed at feeling so much pain about not having a girl....  I'm sorry that the lady who had the twin girls through PGD really did just reinforce a feeling that her 'pain' was actually because she just didn't really like not getting what she wanted, when she said (I hope she was joking) that she wouldn't marry her DP until he 'gave her a girl' .  It felt like footstamping to me.

Overall I just couldn't really feel their pain in anything like the same way I can feel that of someone suffering from infertility.  When you decide to have a baby you are accepting from the start that they cannot be moulded or created to be perfect in any aspect - gender, abilities, appearance, health and so on.   There are so many things that won't turn out as you wanted them to be - that is the joy of creating that life and that individual.   With gender, you go into pregnancy knowing there's a 50 50 chance of either, so I really feel it's something you have to accept, that you can't start having children saying "I only want one if it's a girl" (or a boy for that matter) because it doesn't, and is never, going to work that way.   
I don't have an objection to PGD being used in this way per se, and I guess the argument is certainly true that you wouldn't put yourself through IVF lightly, but I did start to feel uneasy that these women had (lots of) children, but were still so unhappy with their families that they would go to such lengths.  I know that technology has helped me to get what I needed to feel "complete" as they put it,  so I feel uneasy saying that the same technology shouldn't be available to others.  But I don't get why they're so upset by what is basically just the way life goes.  But it does feel like a very different proposition to use IVF to help someone like me and the other ladies on FF, compared to these ladies, since once I did conceive through the miracles of technology, I accepted there was nothing I could do about the gender, or any other physical characteristic of my baby, and I wouldn't have had it any other way, actually.

In the main I just felt desperately sorry for their sons    and possibly for their husbands, most of whom seemed to be made to feel pretty inadequate too.

Claire x


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## triplet trouble (Aug 18, 2005)

Mrs CW, very eloquently put.     For me that programme made for very uncomfortable viewing, especially knowing that many ladies would have given their right arm to have reached an 18 week scan. I have 3 boys and i have had a few comments about and pity looks, seems to be from old women who say, shame there wasn't a girl in there     Or bet you wished one of them was a girl     Those comments really annoy me.  

I remember being told very early at a 13 week scan that it was 2 girls and a boy, then later on 3 boys and on finding out I was having 3 boys didn't bother me in the slightest, I was so ecstatic to be pregnant I didn't care.  My main concern was that they would be okay.

Debs x


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## Libeth (Jul 17, 2007)

I watched this and was particuarly angered by Nicola who likened not being able to have a daughter to like the pain of infertility.  Just a repulsive and vile woman who clearly doesnt know what she is talking about.  I know they find people like her to make the show more controversial and watchable but honestly she was awful.  

And like others have said - their poor children.  These women are almost inferring that females are the more desirable sex and how their sons must feel is dreadful.  Particuarly the woman at her 20 week scan finding out it was a boy - when that child watches the show when he is older and sees his own mother reacting to the news of his sex like that he is going to feel just awful.  

In some respects, I almost hoped that those who had girls, had them turn out to be proper little tomboys and to rebel against their girlie mothers.  

I remember my 20 week scan and desperately wanting a healthy baby and not caring what sex it was.  I am one of 3 girls, and my mother never had the attitude of oh I must have a boy next.  Likewise, I know families with just boys and they are thrilled with their sons. 

And just because you are in an all male household, it doesnt mean that the boys have to be brought up in a completely male dominated world - nothing wrong with having a few 'girlie' toys around.  Suspect that these families were selected more so because of their very 'maleness'.

Makes you want to slap some of those women though!  Thought the one with 8 seemed to be the most relaxed about it all and more accepting of her situation!


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## Mummy30 (May 20, 2008)

I wanted to come on here last night to vent my anger but i had to wait til this morning.... 

That horrid horrid blonde lady who cried when she saw her boy at 18 weeks scan... i actually cried watching it for the baby, not for her. What a horrible thing to do and i really really hope and pray that she will love the special little boy and she never has another baby again.  She has no idea of the real world and so many couples desperate to have a child that cant and she has lovely beautiful boys and resents them.  Taking them shopping and asking them if they like pink and dollies etc is just cruel... id never ask my boy if he wanted to buy things like that. I bet she would have bought them too... now, im all for m boy playing with his sisters toys but id never try and buy him a girly dolly....  arrgggghhh she mad me soooo mad.

im going to loot at the interview online to see how she got on further along her pregnancy... actually im going to do it now.


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

The lady crying at the scan - hmmmmmmmm - I remember crying with happiness as my babies still had heartbeats.


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## flower power (Jun 8, 2008)

Absolutely completely agree and echo everything that has already been said!

How dare she compare her pain to ours!!
I'm not a regular poster on FF, I'm more of a lurker, but this fired me so much I just had to join in. 

I'm so glad my DH was out for the night coz he'd have gone mad and made me turn it off!!
Maybe I should've done but it was almost disbelief that this happens to healthy lucky women.
They should walk a mile in our shoes and then reassess how having healthy baby after healthy baby makes them feel!!

Well that rant has certainly made me feel a little better!!

keep smiling! xx


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## Jo Macmillan (Mar 19, 2007)

donsbabe said:


> That horrid horrid blonde lady who cried when she saw her boy at 18 weeks scan... i actually cried watching it for the baby, not for her. What a horrible thing to do and i really really hope and pray that she will love the special little boy and she never has another baby again.


Exactly. I felt so much for that poor unborn child, and also her 3 gorgeous boys at home. The word "spoilt b*tch" sprang to mind.    

I try not to be judgemenatal about anyone, and always try to see the other person's point of view. However, this was just shocking and it is totally unacceptable to make your existing boys feel like i'm sure she did.

I don't think I have ever been this angry. I was shouting so much that DP had to leave the room (but even he was incensed....)

Jo x


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

i watched and i have to say it made me feel very upset for all of us ladies with infertility. i cried when the american lady had a negative test as i rememeber that feeling so well, as for the lady with 4 beautiful boys and then being lucky enough to get pregnant with another and then crying and acting well like a complete cow, she made me so so mad. she needs to walk in our shoes


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## pixielou (Nov 9, 2007)

Hi there ladies!

Really didn't know that this programme was going to be on until last minute and when I watched it the first thing that I said to DH was that there would be lots of debate on the forum tomorrow and yes, I'm right!

Initially I found it very interesting and I was sympathetic upto a point. I could understand that women who have lots of boys would want to have a girl. One of the ladies who had 7 or 8 boys I think, had originally conceived a girl at the beginning but there were complications with the baby. So the effect with her may have psycological impact and wanting to replace the baby and the fact that she had 8 sons that followed. I was quite open to the whole thing and I was trying to be neutral on the subject but when that very wealthy lady likened not having a girl to not being able to conceive I did take insult to this. She may feel really bad and suffering, is to a certain point, relative as we will never know how someone else feels but to say this and make it known on TV was a bit harsh.

The thing is there are plenty of women out there who do conceieve really easily and so they have never experienced what it feels like to be in this situation so this for them them is their reality.
Equally, on the other side of the coin there must be plenty of women who want to conceiev boys that go on have lots of girls and this is a reality for them too. For myself, never having either, yet, I did find it a real eye opener and knew that so many people would be offended by it.

Also the media know that this type of programme gets people 'geed up' as it is such a contraversial issue at the moment specially since there seems to be so many women out there having fertility treatment and they know that the viewing rates will be high!


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## Onwards (Apr 12, 2008)

I couldn't relate to any of them on the program last night 

However, at least the lady who cried when she found out she was having a boy went ahead with the pregnancy ...... and I am sure she will love her new son 

I'm afraid I especially couldn't relate to the American lady who so casually agreed to 'destroying' all the male embryos without any hesitation after they said they had a 'female' one to put back. Who knows she might have become pg with the boy ones but ... a boy wasn't what she wanted so they were destroyed 

As for the lady with the 2 little madams girls ........ perhaps the woman didn't get enough time playing with Sindy dolls when she was little as her girls just seemed like big dolls to dress up. I hope they turn into 'tom boys' in a few years time and reject the dresses


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## Sammeee (Feb 21, 2009)

Crying, because your baby is a boy..... ive always said mother nature is cruel and unfair, and that women proved it!!.. Her boys are gorgeous, i just hope they dont suffer because of their mothers greed!

One good thing i felt, well for myself at least was the 2 ladies that did PGD and so went through the whole ivf process and had excellent fully healthy embryos replaced for it to fail to me proved that yes, even a top class, all tests done embryo for what ever reason is not a guaranteed success. Im currently in my 3rd ivf 2ww, and am certain its another BFN... i very luckily have a healthy 2yo with my hiubby and now have secondary IF...  I now realise there is nothing more we could do, and for that the show has actually given me a bit of peace within myself regarding the whoile ivf and blaming myself that the failures must be someway my fault!!...

I also echo "onwards".... How can that american woman so casually destroy her healthy male embryo's ... personally, i wouldnt be able to look myself in the mirror after that, and i would be ever fearful of some cruel retribution from god!!

Luv Sam X


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Well, on the issue of embryo destruction/perishing..... I guess there is quite alot of that in IVF anyway..... but I did find myself wondering whether she'd ever thought about donating them?

C x


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## Onwards (Apr 12, 2008)

Yes you are right Mrs CW, some people do destroy their embryos in IVF but not everyone feels they could live with themselves ..... I know I couldn't (my own opinion   )

What are the reasons she destroyed these embryos - because they were boys!!  No other reason.  That (to me) goes against my moral code


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## sandra38 (Feb 4, 2010)

Couldn't believe it when she simply discarded the embryos because they were boys. I felt both upset and angry.


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## Jane D (Apr 16, 2007)

Hello

A point I would like to pick up on was the lady with 8 boys who I thought got short shrift from her GP.  She was 43 and felt she may be reaching menopause and he totally dismissed her concern, saying how rare it was to be menopausal at her age, er, sorry Mr GP I disagree with you.  There are always exceptions.  Would have been helpful public infornation had he offered her hormone testing and explained what he was looking for.  I think she half new it was game over, but I think she would have got closure had he suggested investigations.  Maybe he did, during the consultation, if so, shame it was omitted.

Absolutely no time for the rich ***** in her mansion or the stupid blonde woman crying at her scan.  Even her partner was getting p'd off with her reading between the lines.
As someone who had secondary infertility, I made a point of never discussing it in front of dd, and I was sorry for the Amercian ladies son who witnessed her crying after her pregnancy test.

My final take on this programme is that none of them ever said "well I look forward maybe to granddaughters one day if I cant have a daughter.

Jane


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## Sasha B (Jan 24, 2005)

I just feel for those boys who are so aware that they are a disappointment to their mothers because they are not girls. And yes, my first thought when that lady had her sexing scan was, please be grateful that you have a lovely healthy baby growing inside of you. Its like none of that mattered apart from the sex. What a shame that she doesn't realize the blessing she's been given.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I had seen it before and couldn't watch it anymore turned off half way through when she was crying because she had a healthy boy on her scan - maybe she would have preferred to have switched places with me and see no heartbeat.
L x


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## ♥Saila♥ (Mar 27, 2006)

I watched this last night - The wonders of Sky +.

I too was shocked at the lady who cried at her 20 week scan. Personally, the odds weren't in her favor were they.....

As for the lady who likened not conceiving a girl to women who can't conceive at all really upset me! How can she compare herself to something she clearly has no idea about or experienced!??

I don't however think what they did was right or even wrong. I am a very much each to their own kind of person (I think) I was just upset with the two things I have mentioned above.

I also would like a little girl at some point but would be equally happy with a boy!!

x


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

I've finally just managed to watch this on Sky+ (as I know DH wouldn't have watched it), and wanted to come back to this thread again.  

Such an emotional programme, which brought back all the memories of our treatment in the past...surprisingly, the bit that angered me the most was when the wealthy English woman said, "if you really want the dream, you CAN have it".  As we all know only too well, there are no guarantees of success with IVF, let alone of choosing the sex.  However, when I thought a little more, I realised that we ARE lucky enough to have our dream now, just via a different route.  It's a strange old world...

Peacelily xx


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## Be Lucky (Mar 22, 2008)

These woman will never know the pain of infertiliy.offensive for that posh totty 2 say that.likea lady earlier said relieved 2 have a heartbeat and wasnt bothered what sex.glad he ok at birth2.when woman with 5 boys start crying even sonagrapher look mortified sayin u got a healthy baby.sorry spoilt mor money than sense.


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