# Who have you told?



## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

I have told my parents,sister and her husband and my bf's family know. But when I have to go to the hospital etc. I can't decide whether to tell anyone one then or not, or leave it until abit later. Just wondered who anyone else has told etc. I also wonder if I tell people would they be understanding about me using IVF?


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi Rosie

I told most people, eg boss, work colleagues, friends and family.  I never regreated telling them but i dont think you can expect everyone to understand.  I was really suprised as many people shocked me at how understanding they were, and a few were the oposite.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

I agree completely with Coweyes
I told my boss (at my job interview, and still got the job!), colleagues, friends, family.  Some were very inquisitive and wanted to know all about it, I even took my sister to my injection lesson but some people were a bit freeaked out with it all and shied away from the subject - it's a bit like bereavement, some people embrace the subject and are really nice and supportive, but others, because they don't understand it, can either say stupid hurtful comments or ignore you completely to save your feelings!!!
Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Just glad I got a bfp, I'd have hated telling everyone we'd failed !!!
Best wishes for your treatment - let us know how you get on
Sheila


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

*rosie* Hi, we told everyone and some where supportive and wanted to know about the treatment, some just wanted dates of OTD (which we lied about so when we got the outcome we could celebrate/mourn alone until we had to tell) and others hadn't a clue about IVF and assumed I just had a embryo put in me (no drugs, needles, scans)  To me that was hard to explain to others who hadn't got a clue, but then why should they. I found it hard as we had BFN and to have to tell people then get 'I'm sorry' texts  So when we do FET we aren't telling a soul, DH and I are doing it without anyone knowing. I am hoping that will make things easier on us as a couple and without having to explain the process every 5 minutes. This is my own personal view and what is right for me might be wrong for someone else.

Good Luck hun xxx


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## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

Thanks for your replies.  I think at the moment I will just keep it as it is and see how things go. Maybe after I've started tx I might say to a few more people. After reading your comments I forgot to say my DH had to tell who he works for, to let him know he would have to have time off, and he was very understanding and said good luck, hope it goes ok, which I thought  was very nice of him   Anyway hope your all doing ok x


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## mclou (May 10, 2011)

hi, i think it is hard knowing who to tell and not tell. we have told our parents then a few close family members and friends. i think infertility is something no one can understand unless they have been through it. it is hard for people to know what to say. my family don't mention it unless i do and i know they are just worried about upsetting me but i sometimes feel like it is this big thing that is being ignored. 
i have told a couple of friends and everyone responds differently, one friend was really sweet and supportive but another a bit blase. i think people dont know the what ivf/icsi involves and how it is a massive part of our lives. they don't understand the whole process from the researching clinics and rounds of tests to the actual treatment itself.
i do agree that it is a bit like grief. some people are happy to talk about it and some are not. i have one friend who is very happy to talk about it  but starts every conversation with "so whats happening on the baby front" !!! i think it is easy for people to say the wrong thing because we often don't know ourselves what we want people to say.
we all just have to do what feels right.

good luck to you all

xxxxx


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## carolineCS (Aug 2, 2011)

mclou, I think you're absolutely right - no one does know quite what to say!  Though I have found that (outside this forum) very few people initially do talk about ivf/fertility, unless I've raised it first - then I've been amazed at how many people this affects who I actually know/know of - its then quite helpful to talk freely!

My boss has been very good and said today, he really hopes it works as DH and I deserve it! People can be really lovely.


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## MrsDaisies (Sep 26, 2011)

HI

I've told my mum & closest friends and some work colleagues - DH hasnt told his family, Im not 100% sure why but its his decision 

S x


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I decided to tell only family and close friends. My mother in law (the witch bag from the planet self obsessed) has gossiped about it to the biggest gossip in the village where we live. She in turn asked me about it in a cafe in front of loads of people, so basically the entire village knows about me and my useless old body and how I can't give that nice boy any kids. Have had some pretty nasty comments from village *****es who finally feel they have got one over on me.  I'd say tell no one, but you may know much nicer people than I do. Good luck with your treatment.


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## teacherKate (Sep 25, 2011)

This is something I've been thinking a lot about recently.

We're having IUI (on round 2 at the moment) and I have hardly told anyone.  I don't feel that comfortable talking about it, and to be honest I often cry when I do talk about it so it's easier not to.

I told my boss as I need to take time off work for the procedures, and my best friend knows (she lives in Canada).  Other than that, the only other person I talk to about it is my ex-neighbour who had a mc last year, and has PCOS, so struggles with fertility too.  She has just found out she's pregnant, and I'm delighted for her - I just hope it happens for me soon too.

I haven't even told my family.  Too emotional (I feel so guilty that my parents have no grandchildren).

TBH I had a bad experience recently when I told a friend that I hadn't been able to conceive, and he made a drunken crack about it the following week which REALLY upset me, and has damaged our friendship (he and his wife are expecting in December), so I'm very wary about telling people now.  Many people just don't understand how painful the whole situation is.

However, I know many people get comfort and support by telling lots of people and being really open about it; but it's just not my style.

This place is a lifesaver isn't it.

Tons of luck to you Rosie,

xxx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

I just wish everyone could get the support I got, my MIL was particularly wonderful and stepped up big time since I lost my own Mam.  
It was an absolute pleasure going round everyone sharing our positive news..... wish soo much you all get to be in my shoes.

Wishing you all the very very best with your respective treatments.
Sheila


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## MJA1983 (Aug 16, 2011)

Hi everyone. 

At the beginning, all the 1st tests etc, we didn't tell anyone.  Once i was referred by our doctor to the hospital for further testing, i told my parents, partners parents, boss and a couple of friends.  But now we are about to start icsi treatment i am going to tell the rest of my work colleagues as they are wondering what is wrong with me, as i have been back and forth to the hospital a few times these past couple of months.  I have found most people are supportive, and others don't seem so much.  I think it is because they do not fully understand it all.  Even when i have gone through the whole procedure with people, they are amazed how much there is to it.  We were referred to Bourn Hall yesterday, have to wait for a seminar, and then the stages for icsi treatment will start. 

Mel x


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## Want-a-baby (Apr 23, 2010)

Hi, we decided not to tell anyone. We will be going overseas for treatment so, it will be like we are on vacation.
Best, FM


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## x Kerrie x (Mar 4, 2011)

Hi sweety..

Well I told everyone when we started. Friends, relative, people at work etc..
I wouldn't do the same next time as it was hard when our first cycle was abandones due to OHSS.. However when our 2nd cycle got a BFP it was lovely when everyone asked how it was going. But TBH I would only tell a few if you want.. Don't go made like I did xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Well done of your BFP Kerrie
FM - hoping that the holiday part of your treatment helps make all the difference next time 

Best wishes ladies
Sheila


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## rosie71 (Jun 19, 2011)

I think I will wait until later to tell anyone, it's good that I can come on here and talk to people though especially who know what I'm going through.


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## x Kerrie x (Mar 4, 2011)

You do what ever is best for you hun xxx


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## Nonny3 (Nov 14, 2011)

When we did our cycle last year we told both our parents, our Sisters and other halves, and my best friend. Some of DH's work colleagues knew as he had to explain to get the time off work. I managed not to tell work which was really hard, especially as I was under a lot of pressure at the time. I just didn't really want them to know. It was great in some ways having the support of our families but it also made me feel quite pressured knowing that they were all waiting to know the outcome. Luckily it was positive but I think it would have been really hard if the result had been negative. We're shortly going to be starting a FET cycle and have decided only to tell our parents. We were actually hoping to do it without telling anyone this time but as we have our little one now, we'll need childcare during the appointments so decided it was a good idea to have the support of our parents. 
I think you've just got to do what feels best for you. Good luck
x


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## Guest (Nov 16, 2011)

Hi all, we have just told close friends and family & my boss & a couple of work colleauges. We are all different in how we do things, i dont think there is a right or wrong of what to do, you do what ever suits you best.

xxx


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## blossom27 (Nov 26, 2011)

We have not told anyone, 
I have been so tempted to talk to some friends or even my mum, but i just dont want the added preasure, this is our first try and im hoping it will be the only try as its all very expensive - we have already told our familys that we are going light with xmas this year, and i expect they just think we are cutting costs, truth is we will be wiped out but hopefully it will be worth it to bring the new year in knowing we are pregnant, ( we hope) 
even if we do get a positive result, im wondering even then if we should tell people at such an early stage. 
Im work for myself so i can manage all the time off etc, but im wondering if with all the medications if people will notice any change in my personality or i will be ill? Anyways im gladd i can use sites like these and find other people to talk to and share with xx


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