# LO asking for FC



## monkeymooo (May 28, 2013)

Hello all - I've tried to find an existing thread on this topic but no luck!

My heart is breaking! LO (2yrs)came home yesterday, and we had a lovely day- and throughout all of intros he has been a total delight. Bedtime last night was fine, had milk and stories, he went down ok but after 30 mins screamed and shouted mummy! I went in and we had some cuddles and he seemed to be settling it then he started shouting FC name and pointing at a pic of her in the wall and getting really upset. 

I took him to look at the picture and talked about her and how lovely she is (she really is) and said we will see her soon ( we are meeting in 2 weeks) and said I know he upset and mummy and daddy loves him , he is safe with us.... And gentle rocking - after 30 mins DH took over and did same and eventually he fell asleep and amazingly slept through til 6!

He was happy chappy this morning but then againkeep saying FC and seeming so confused and upset. His little world has been turne upside down.

Does anyone have any good strategies/ other ways to talk with 2 yr old about FC to help him with this? He was with FC from 5 months and there is strong attachment.
X


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

You ages are almost exactly the same as ours, Bluebird was with his FC from 5 months until placed with us at 27 months.  He's not asked for her at all but I am sure part of his not sleeping well is because he misses her.  Will be watching this topic with interest.  We are really struggling at the moment so I really feel for any issues you might hit, but am so pleased for you that LO slept through.  Big hugs xx


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## monkeymooo (May 28, 2013)

We do feel so grateful we got some sleep last night, prayin it continues - I really feel for you as I am a total wreck with no sleep - who knows what the next few nights hold, sending


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Hi

My lo came home in January at 23 months. He only had about 10 words but for the first 3 days he would go and stand at the front door and wave bye bye and bring us his shoes. All you can do is comfort him and know it will pass. My lo was very attached to his fc and had been there for 21 months.


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

We're having the same problem, mostly when she's tired or I mention that its bath time! 
Spoke to Los sw who said just reinforce that she lives her with mummy and daddy and that we are keeping her safe.... Also said to reinforce that she will see fcs again soon. However her fcs are not keen to do this because they believe its better to 'make a clean break'?!
I think it would be beneficial to meet up but not sure they will agree.... Also don't want to tell tales and make trouble for them as they are lovely, well meaning people just a little old fashioned  
We wanted a photo if them for LO and they didn't want to do that either...
Xxx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

I think I'd be more worried with a child that age if they weren't showing signs of missing the f/c.

I wouldn't try and brush it off, I'd say that it's OK to miss the f/c, maybe even go so far as to suggest that they must be missing f/c loads if they're not mentioning it and playing up a lot, and that the f/c will miss them too, but f/c is happy for l/o because she knows that l/o has a Mummy and Daddy to look after them and love them and keep them safe forever now.  I would suggest you tell them how much you love them, but that you know how scary it must be for everything to change.  I really wish we'd done this more sooner with Wyxling.  I think we made the big mistake of underestimating how much she would miss the f/c, because the relationship and situation wasn't good.  It was still a big loss for her.  Wyxling was talking when she came to us, quite well for 19 months, but often refused to talk other than to say a very small selection of words (no, mostly).  

All the best to everyone.

Wyxie xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi bubba didn't ask but she  was only just a year old.  However, fc were having problems with an earlier placement and lo was always asking after them and they were talking about it a lot.. They said to us not to have any photos of them on show for a little while just to give lo time to move on. We were advised to keep everything mummy daddy and lo focused including photos. We followed their words of wisdom we did see them a month later and it clearly upset bubba but soon settled again.

I am sure things will calm down soon xx


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## monkeymooo (May 28, 2013)

Thanks ladies for your replies, really kind of you.  


LO continues to ask for FC and says her name lots, well whines really  


AAA that's interesting you were advised to remove photos - we were told to put them up  who knows what is best! We do have quite a lot dotted around, and sometimes LO wants to look at them and wave  but sometimes he seems annoyed and hits them...guess its just his way of dealing with things. Anyone else have any thoughts about the photos? 


Wxyie, that's great advice, thank you  the more reassurance we can give the better it seems.


Crazys - that's hard if FC are not keen to meet up and you are....I hope you can work something out, I know there are different opinions on what is best approach, but I think for now reassurance is the way to go  


Snapdragon, aw bless, that must have been hard - yesterday LO went to the front door a couple of times and tried to open it saying FC name. 


Had a chat with SW and she said fC name may have become a general way of expressing how confused and anxious he is feeling, since his language is limited, which does make sense.


On a positive note....god bless our trampoline and all who jump on him!!!!we splashed out on a 10 footer and it is brilliant -the 3 of us get in, zip up, and we've got some little balls in there so while we're not bouncing ( which is apparently really got for regulating (similar to rocking - he loves me to carrying him while bouncing which is lovely) we chuck the balls around, run in circles or sometimes do quiet stuff like row row your boat, this little piggy, flying angels etc. he is such a happy chappy in there, giggling away. We even had the dog in there too yesterday but he was less impressed! So that would be my one top tip to share with you all! Bounce! 


Hugs to all, nap time just ending! Xxx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Trampoline sounds amazing. Bubba was our fc's 10th moved on child but I agree they all have different ideas. Maybe you could try leaving 1 special one. Xx


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

poppet was the same, I'm sure there's a conversation somewhere on here where I got loads of advise and reassurance but can't find it.

Poppet was with FC from 2 months old until she came home at 32months old, she thought FC was mammy and it took a lot of work before, during and after intro's to get her to understand she wasn't. She cried for days wanting to go see her, took bag and shoes etc to door and was wanting to leave. They had a strong attachment and she was quite rejectful to me for a while. We didn't have any photos of her and it was never suggested to do so, me and DH gave her a code name so if we were talking about her in front of LO she didn't realise as just hearing her name upset her.

If she did get upset over her we acknowledged it and have the usual reassurance of its ok to feel sad and miss her, she will miss you too but is very happy you live with mammy daddy where you are safe and will be happy yourself etc etc, lots of cuddles and love. It soon passed and she's not mentioned her since a few weeks into placement. We showed her a picture of her in her life story book which we have just received and poppet didn't even really acknowledge her, coincidentally we also received a letter from her the next day as well and when we read it to poppet she just said 'why write a letter to me, strange' bless, I think if anything she's probably angry at her but she doesn't miss her any more or show any real emotion about FC in general. So it does pass, it's just hard going through it but it will be short lived.   

Xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Sorry for the thread hijack, but I really wish we had room for one of those big trampolines in our garden.  We kind of could cram one in but I think hubby would object too much.  Bladelet's f/c had one and he liked to sit in there, Wyxling absolutely loved it.  We have a mini one here, but a huge one like that was just awesome for her, and she loved going on there with me and how high she could bounce when we held hands.  Plus, on a more childish note, my M-I-L would absolutely hate it, she really doesn't like them (doesn't like the kids at the end of their garden being able to see into her garden when they bounce on theirs) and at the moment, that would amuse me in a very childish way.  Sometimes I'm not so nice I guess!


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