# Telling your relatives...



## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Has anyone told their close relatives that they are going for a donor egg or sperm (or that their child was conceived by donor egg/sperm)?
If so, what was their reaction, where they shocked, or pleased or neutral?  I think it must be quite hard for people to find that their grandchild is not theirs genetically for example...  (Less of an issue for uncles/aunts I would have thought.)

If not, are you planning to tell them at all?

Lilo


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## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Perhaps this is a tricky one!

I am worried about the reaction of my parents so that is why I was hoping to hear from anyone else in this position.


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## *ALF* (May 17, 2005)

Hi

Got to run, so very quick reply.  We used donor sperm and told both sets of parents as soon as we had decided.  Both sets took it very well.  I was particularly worried about how DH parents would take it as obviously any child we had wouldn't genetically be theirs, but they have been great.  The only questions they asked related to the process of matching and what we knew about the donor.  Now DD is here they are besotted with her and you would never know she wasn't genetically theirs.

I think the fact that we have been completley open with them has made it easier for them to accept.

Hope that helps.

Best wishes
Dawn
xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Both our parents were fine about it and really happy for us to try this new route.  Any child will be loved wherever they come from. 

I'm not sure i will tell my extended family tho as i can hear the comments!!  

We haven't got our bfp yet but at least we know everything will be fine when we do!!


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## Candee (Feb 1, 2009)

Oh Tawny, no wonder the grandparents are besotted! How beautiful is your baby?!! She is adorable!
Candee
x


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## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Hi Dawn and mini upsy - that sounds encouraging, thanks vm for posting.  I think my slight extra problem is that if I were to have a child through DE this would be my parents' only grandchild.  I'm absolutely certain I would tell them (even though worried about their reaction) but not certain that my in-laws need to know...

(Hi Candee - you probably remember we met on another thread!)

Lilo


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

WE have DE twins and I told all close friends and relatives the full story via an email early in the pg. It has been just fine.


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## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Hi drownedgirl - ooh email that's scary!  I must admit my idea of telling my relatives is a bit more limited than that, partly cos I don't have many, but it's good to hear that yours all took it in their stride!

Lilo


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Lilo2 said:


> Hi drownedgirl - ooh email that's scary! I must admit my idea of telling my relatives is a bit more limited than that, partly cos I don't have many, but it's good to hear that yours all took it in their stride!


I just thought it was easiest to spit it all out in one go to everybody!!


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

I'm single and have been trying using donor sperm and my own eggs. It now transpires I also need donor eggs as mine are old and bad quality  

I've told family and close friends from the start about the donor sperm and not had any concerns or issues. I have now also told them I will be pursuing the double donor optoin - all of them know how much I want this and are completely supportive, and I can't imagine them treating the child any differently than had it been created from my eggs and a partner's sperm

Family is not so much about genes but about love, being there, sharing the good - and bad - times....

Suitcase
x


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## pippilongstockings (Dec 8, 2005)

My experience is very similar to Tawny's.  We told family and close friends very early on, before we started treatment.  Everyone was very positive and just happy that there was a way that we could have a baby!  Since our gorgeous boy arrived I can honestly say that it doesn't matter a jot that he isn't genetically my DH's.  My MIL especially is besotted, she adores him completely - he is her grandson :0)  

Best of luck with whatever decision you make.
Pippi xx


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## LiziBee (Aug 24, 2004)

A similar story to Pippi and Dawn, we told both sets of parents and our own sisters who were all fine. We've not told our extended family as we don't think they need to know. And now our DDs are both here everybody loves them and I can honestly say even the inlaws couldn't love them any more than they do!
HTH
Lizi.x


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## Lilo2 (May 10, 2009)

Hi Suitcase, Pippi, Lizi - more great news - have to say everyone's experience of telling relatives is very encouraging!  My sister knows that it's a possibility and is very supportive, would just have to manage the parents' reaction!  But yes it's hard to see that people wouldn't fall for a baby - wherever it came from!

Drownedgirl - maybe not a bad tactic!

Lilo


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## Mintie (Mar 7, 2009)

Hi Lilo
I am also struggling a little on how to break it and how my parents will take it. I decided that it was best for us to see if we actually got pregnant first before telling as if nothing happened then there was nothing to say!, always been a bit like that with them on many things over the years! Well it happened, we decided to break it to them slowly rather than hitting them all at once so last week told them we were pregnant but we needed alot of help and it hasnt been an easy process.......at this stage I am sure my mother has taken this as we possibly needed ivf and she is very happy for us...we plan to tell them sometime in the next week or two when next we see them. I am quite hopeful that they will be ok about it and just happy for us that we can have our own little family and its a real live little baby growing inside regardless , gulp still a little nervous though! 
Best of luck for you too
Mintie


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