# foster to adopt south west



## zoehughes (Apr 25, 2012)

hi im looking for anyone that has fostered to adopt, or is looking at the process. me and my husband are scared/confused any info would be great. thank you xxx


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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

Here are two links to two old threads about foster to adopt. They are older and without reading through them again some of the info may be out of date. The main thing would be if the threads were pre April 15 then people doing foster to adopt would not get adoption leave and would have had to take adoption leave so if this is mentioned bear in mind that from April 15 anyone doing foster to adopt can claim adoption leave.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=346423.0
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=332286.0

Also bear in mind foster to adopt and concurrency are different. If concurrency is discussed it is different to foster to adopt. In concurrency the risk of lo returning home is much higher that f2a. I think on of the threads describes the difference.


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## ultrafirebug (Oct 22, 2010)

We f2a our daughter.  Any questions please feel free to message me x


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## dreamingofabettertime (Jun 12, 2012)

Hi there, We have been through foster to adopt and live in south west.

Firstly don't feel scared, you have asked for help so you are half way there already.... finding out from others who have been there is the best way to take control of your future. 

Can I ask why you have decided foster to adopt is for you?


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## zoehughes (Apr 25, 2012)

thank you for your comments back. we still haven't decided on foster to adopt we have left it to look at case by case. i feel its such a risk i know its small but still at risk and im trying to protect myself/family.  adoption agency seems to be pushing for f2a. 
all these forms and questions are driving me mad !!!


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## dreamingofabettertime (Jun 12, 2012)

I think case by case is a sensible approach... but I am a little worried as you say that foster to adopt is a 'small risk' ..... I am afraid it is quite the reverse. 

Please do ask questions about it as you will need to be well informed of what you might be facing. As well as the obvious risks there is the arrangements for contact to consider as you will not automatically be able to adopt as you will be a foster carer first. 

F2A children are chosen ideally if there is a family history of adopting other children from the same family, for those that have experienced no or little change from previous circumstances or for those that have relinquished their child and other family members have not come forwards....however this is the case if the social worker is experienced in the selection of these cases and if the case goes through the court with no conditions.... if the mother has a chance of changing or if one of the parents has mental health then the courts may favour her and say that they will put the baby in a 'mother and baby' placement to try it out, they may pull time out to see what happens with the family coming forwards, etc etc... there are lots of variables.

My advise is of you are sure you want F2A to read and re-read the notes of the case to see if there is any change of circumstances that might suggest a delay. Get lots of advise and use this site to ask questions as there are many of us who have much experience of a relatively new process for the system.

With us we had an arrangement for contact once a week where we took our little baby who was placed with us at 4 days old to a car park for a member of the team to securely take him to see his birth parents. He then came back after the meeting smelling of smoke and someone that wasn't me, this went on for many months (which I eventually got used to) until the point where the adoption route was assured. 

I do not wish to put you off but you have to be mentally prepared to a lot more than a straight forward adoption. F2A is very hard to do as there are lots of hurdles to jump; however the benefits are also huge as when you get through the process you have your child; it takes you a little longer to get over the trauma of what you have had to do to get there. The sense of loss if things go wrong is not measurable but is something you should very much contemplate because as watertight as you might think things are it is the judge that decides the route that is taken not the social workers.

I don't wish to scare you as it obviously worked for us and I look at my miracle every day and thank god I fought for him, but it is the hardest thing by far that I have ever had to do and I have as you will see by my profile had it pretty hard. I did this because I really really prepared for everything and then I prepared again..... I also prepared my entire family who too went on this emotional roller coaster with us. We found our greatest support were the people we met on our adoption training as they were in the same or similar circumstances as ourselves. 

Dont be scared to ask questions and hold on tight as your dream is just within reach, you just need to be very clear with yourself what it is will cost for you to get it. The alternative route too is amazing as we waited for a baby to become available (following standard adoption) and despite being told constantly there were no babies we kept battling on, bullied our social worker and held on believing it would happen... we kept marketing ourselves and changing our PAR photo so social workers reviewed it more often..... and then we had a phone call one bank holiday monday and the rest is history! 

Dont be afraid to ask questions 

XX


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