# Just thought I would share this with you ....



## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi girls


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hiya darlin'  

I used to read and watch and even listen to stuff that used to upset me all the time, but I don't bother any more now. Perhaps its self preservation on my part? I don't know!

That IVF series that has been on has provoked a lot of people who knew we had to go through IVF say to me they didn't realise how much went into it, and how hard it was to go through, so I suppose the programme has acheived something good there then! I don't watch it though - as I've said to others who have enquired if I watch it - I don't need to know what its like to go through thanks! LOL!

Hope you have a lovely nosh this evening and a great weekend hon. I am having stew - its the easiest thing I could think of coz the place is upside down/downside up at the moment - we're decorating. Thank goodness for slow cookers  

Lots of love
Emcee xxx


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dear Pipkin
I'm also good at torturing myself.
Sometimes I think I need to do it because it lets me experience little griefs so may actually help with grieving process. Does this sound daft or not?
On Monday I bumped into an old friend who I hadn't seen for 17 yrs! She has just moved back to NZ from UK. Of course topic of children come up and it turns out that she had a daughter conceived after 2 yrs of trying and twins conceived after 1 go IVF. She has tubal problems
She's quite religious and kept saying what a miracle it was - it's no miracle it's just good science. It would be a miracle if I got pregnant _ agghhhh
Lots love Jo/Emma


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Dear Pipkin, Emcee and Jo/Emma,

What is it about these programmes and articles?
All these years on I think it helps me to see again that I was not crazy to try treatment - there was hope, however slim and I had to give it a try.. Even if I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would still try.. 

I did watch the first of the recent Winston series. The feelings it provoked brought me here, so glad I found you all! (I did not watch the rest.)

No deep thoughts here, just wanted to share!

love Jq. xxx


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Hi Jq and rest of the gang   

I am one of the worlds worst self torturers in terms of always watching or picking up any articles/programmes on the IF topic. For reasons that probably defy logic I watched every single episode of the recent BBC IF tx series. The first few left me in absolute bits but still I continued to watch the next ones   Although I find them painful to watch I think my main motivation for watching was to see what sort of portrayal of IF tx was being given out to the masses, as I knew many of my friends and family could well be watching. I knew they would be thinking of Dh and I therefore wanted to be sure of what info and angle of the IF tx world they were being fed if that makes any sense?

As is normal for the media, a lot was glossed over and made to look oh so easy (GRRRRRRRRRR  ) but halelulia they did on a couple of occasions actually show one or two couples for whom the wonders of modern medicine could not help and their tx journeys ended. Despite wanting so much for those unsuccessful couples to have got their dream, to seem them included and not edited out of the programme (!) was such a helpful  thing, and reminded me we are not alone.

I am terrible for reading celeb mags, and they are full of preg announcements and I do frequently think why do i torture myself with this stuff!!!

I think what it is for me is, that watching or reading these articles on IF stuff, helps me continually test where I am at with my own coping and grieving process. As the lovely Emma said, I too find it helps force me to let out little chunks of grief as I go along, rather than me trying to live in constant hiding, denial or avoiding the whole topic of pregs, babies, If tx etc because as we all know it is just not possible in life to sadly avoid all this, it is and always will be around us in some shape or form. 

I try to live by the face the fear type mentality  , not the easiest way to tackle things (!!!!!) but Iam just hopeful it will help me in the long run   but when I am crying my eyes out watching such programmes I do think am I completely   

Love
Hippy
xxxxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Personally I avoid these things with a barge pole, as I feel my emotions are unpredictable enough and giving me enough pain and distress without stirring them up unnecessarily.

having said that, once in a while I get to the stage where I feel I am carrying around this huge burden of lead in my heart, and a lump in my throat, but nothing will come out. Although I can feel the tears inside, they don't seem ready to actually let me cry. when it get like this occasionally I do 'torture' myself in the ways you've described, usually being mysteriously drawn to the discovery channel which has endless birth, preg and baby progs. And yes, they make me howl.

I see it as a bit like squeezing a nasty spot or a boil......it brews up to a head and then once you've forced all the gunk out you feel so much better....


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## lukes (Sep 25, 2005)

I have just done exactly what you all talk about, and have just watched the IVF prog on demand even tho. I knew I was already upset.  I think it is just that it makes me feel less lonely in my pain.  Watchibg others struggle in such a similar way to myself, lets me know that I am normal, and the way we all respond is just as anyone would do, it is not that we are mad, dumb or need a life as I think some people think sometimes! I cry with them and I think it muct help?! Lukes


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