# Single Newbies Welcome Thread - post here to get started! - Part 4



## Sharry

Welcome! 

This thread is a starting point for anyone that wants to join us here on our Single Women's Board! 

It can be pretty daunting making that first post so this is an ideal place for it. You'll find a warm welcome awaiting you - we have a great bunch of people on here!


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## sunset365

So...think I'm the first poster in this new thread? Either that or I'm posting in totally the wrong place! If so, apologies!!!!!!

I'm 41, single, in London. Just started my journey! Got my first GP appt this afternoon then first appt with Fertility Clinic (Lister) on Wednesday. So really feel like things have started now. 

I know a couple of other single mums who used donors but very keen to connect with others. 

Totally clueless about almost everything at the moment. Lots to learn. 

Sunset


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## anicca79

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. Starting over and looking to go it alone. Not straightaway, but investigating options for the future following a marriage breakdown. How is everyone? x


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## India_2222

Hi

I'm also new to this - single and 45 so all feels like a massive step. I've got my first consultant appointment at Care Nottingham on 24 October - does not feel real yet. I've only shared my plans with a couple of close friends and got a mixed reaction. It would be really nice to have some people in the same situation as me to share the ups and downs with.


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## indekiwi

Hi to Sunset365, Annica79 and India_2222, and welcome to the singles board!


If you are searching for information on clinics or different forms of treatment, the best places to look in the first instance are the threads dedicated to IUI, IVF, Donor Eggs and Abroadies.  Otherwise, just pop up a post and hopefully someone will be along who can help you out.   


A-Mx


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## Camsie

Hello!  This is my first post here.  I'm 36 and single and have decided that I can't wait much longer to be a mother.  Today I had my first appointment with the fertility doctor and it was brilliant!  I went in feeling very nervous and left emotional but smiling.  I'm all set to start having the first tests done next week, and he thinks that if everything looks good I could start my first IUI try in January!!  So I've just started looking at Xytex and European SB to begin looking at donors.  

Any hints, tips, advice so so appreciated!  I'm so excited about what is to come!


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## Flutter74

welcome camsie 

look at donor thread & international ones. 
it v exciting but can be an emotional rollarcoaster. we are here at ff to support you . its been my life line all the best fx


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## lulumead

hello everyone,


Just popping on to say hi and welcome to the boards     


Look forward to hearing all about your journeys - am crossing fingers that they are very quick ones   


xxx


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## natclare

Hello to all the newbie posters and good vibes to you all! Sunset you will love the Lister, they are great. Good luck


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## southeast1

Hi everyone,

I'm after some advice and guidance on this journey. After much deliberation I have decided to have IUI.  I'm 37 and single, a friend of mine has also been and had IUI ( successfully!)  which has informed my choice and linked me  to FF. I saw a fertility consultant yesterday and I have arranged a HSG.
I've also had sexual health tests. etc. If HSG is all clear I'm good to go- I've already been looking at donor sperm. I want to know about the drugs - do I get them from my GP? if not and buy them myself, how do I know I am taking the right amount dose/ at the right time? Any advice would be greatly appreciated- many thanks - look forward to chat to you all xx


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## Annaleah

Hi southeast1 and welcome, 
Any clinic you register with (whether in the UK or abroad) will have a process involving an initial consultation.  This will give you the opportunity to ask questions and give the consultant the chance to discuss different treatment protocol options with you.  If your tubes are clear and IUI is an option, the consultant will probably talk you through options of having an unmedicated or medicated cycle (this might be guided by your age, AMH etc).  They will decide on any stims, dose, timings etc and and you should have this info before your cycle starts.  Ask about follicle tracking and ovulation induction as both can help with timing the IUI, even if you opt for unmedicated (they are optional and some women chose to do home OPKs to gauge timing).  

I haven't cycled abroad but from memory of talking to others their consultant would have issued a prescription which can be used in UK pharmacies for private purchase.  I think there may also be the option of having some of your monitoring scans in the UK and then just flying over for the last scan, ovulation induction and IUI to minimise disruption to work and reduce costs/ length of stay abroad.  If you post on the single abroadies thread you may get more information about how others have organised prescriptions, consultations etc.  Also I'm not up to date with the donor anonymity regulations for Czech Republic, treating single women etc so hopefully someone will be along to give some info...
Wish you well in your journey 
Ax


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## suitcase of dreams

southeast1 - sending you a PM - check your inbox 
Suitcase
x


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## MissDarcy

Hi,
Been lurking here for a few weeks trying to read all the information available but feeling overwhelmed.  As a single lady, looking to use egg donation clinics abroad, are there ones that won't treat single ladies?

Also, I've posted this question elsewhere, but will any clinics allow you to use a donor of your own that wishes to remain anonymous otherwise?


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## goingforthemiracle

Hi MissD,

I would suggest Serum in Athens. You can email them as they answer very quickly and give you all info. Also the Greek law is a very good one. 

If you want, I can pm you their email address. 

Good luck.


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## MissDarcy

Thanks, I've emailed them already via their contact page.  I've read lots about the success of clinics in Czech, but wasn't sure if their law did not allow it.  Too many threads to read at the moment!


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## Shellem

Hi Sunset (and anyone else),

I'm 40 and also about to start.  Got my first appointment at Hammersmith Hospital next week -although I did IVF there back in Feb when I was in a relationship.  

Has anyone else gone through IVF at HH using donor sperm?

Shellem


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## Kelz33

Hi All,

It's been a while since i last was on here!
I hope everyone is well and lots of good news.

Quick re-cap on me!! i'm a single lady of 35 and have wanted to be a mum (feels like all my life).  Having found myself still single and not getting any younger i embarked on the the journey to hopefully become a mum.  I had my first appointment at my local fertility hospital last week and all seemed to go very well....i got some bloods taken and also and internal ultrasound scan.  They have said that everything looks good  i'm booked in to see the councilor tomorrow morning (i guess this is just to make sure you know what you are doing).  So long and short is i get 8 cycles through the NHS although the donor waiting list is over a year.  I'm now looking into obtaining sperm from elsewhere....i've looked at the Cryos clinic....has anyone used this one or can recommend another clinic ?

Take care everyone
Kelly x


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## natclare

Hi Kellz,
I'm not sure what you mean with 8 cycles through the NHS.... really? With regard to sperm the two I have looked at are European Sperm Bank and Xytex, I personally used the latter and they were great and very efficient. I do wish you all the very best.

Sunset, you seem happy where you are (and I don't blame you, I was at the Lister too and loved them) but have a look at Denmark (Stork?) as a lot of single ladies have gone there for IUI with a good experience. Just thought I'd mention it, might be worth a google.


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## natclare

Sorry I'm an idiot! sunset already found Stork!!


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## Kelz33

Hi Natclare,

Yes i get 8 cycles through the NHS which has now been approved! is this not normal ? sorry i'm just at the start of my journey so not really sure what is the norm with regards to this.
I was assessed by a councillor last week which went really well and then in this morning for more bloods on day 4 of my period to check my FSH level ? they have advised that that this needs to be in single figures.  The waiting list on the NHS for a donor is 1 year hence why i'm maybe going to look at importing.  The fertility clinic have advised that it will cost around £700 per cycle if i was to go down the private route.

Thanks
Kelly


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## suitcase of dreams

kelz - VERY unusual to get fertility tx funded as a single woman
almost none of the singlies on this forum have managed it - what's your secret?   
Suitcase
x


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## Kelz33

Hi There,

Oh really, i didn't realise it wasn't the norm!
I got referred around a year ago now to fertility as i have endometriosis and my gynie consultant thought it was the right time etc and advised me he would reffer me to the Fertility clinic and that he would have my GP do the same referral.
I've since had my appointment with fertility, had 4 months of bloods test, had internal ultrasound and now FSH level bloods completed today which came back at 4.5 (the nurse said this was good).  They have advised me i qualify for 8 cycles on the NHS although i can decide to go private should i wish and this will cost around £700 per cycle.  The waiting list for a donor on the system is around 1 year maybe longer so i just need to way everything up before i decide which route to go down.

It's all very daunting at the beginning isn't it.

Thanks
Kelly


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## natclare

Kelz, Honestly you do not know how lucky you are to get funding. Where are you based? Wishing you all the very best xxx


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## sineu

Hi everyone,

I'm Ellen, 36 and single. I'm giving serious thought about becoming a single mother, but am absolutely clueless as to where to start.   Maybe two questions which must have been asked before:
could I do this on nhs, at least for the first few attempts? Or I could only go private?

Do I need to talk to my GP first if it is on nhs? Or could I contact those fertility clinic without a referral?  Where to find such clinics (I'm based in Kent)? Would they help you find a sperm donor, or I have to look for it myself (European sperm bank, etc)?

Looking forward to hear from any of you hereand good luck to everyone!

Ellen


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## indekiwi

Hi Ellen, and welcome.   


If you read back just a few posts on this thread, you will get a sense of just how rare it is for single women to get free treatment on the NHS.  It is worth you calling your PCT (or whatever its called these days!) to find out who they will fund; however, I would suspect you will need to go down the private route.  You can contact the latter directly without a referral.  I don't know the clinics in Kent but check the HFEA site and also the county boards here on FF.  Some of the clinics have donor banks - if they don't, you can import from ESB, Xytec or Cryos, and the clinic will likely be able to help you with importing.  


Best of luck,


A-Mx


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## poppyseed1

Hello .. This is a great to have a place for us single mummies  

I'm 39yrs have one son who is 6 yrs old and I'm currently on my 2ww with hopefully baby no 2. (Diff donor sperm) 
I live in the Cotswolds the only thing keeping me sane through the 2ww is walking in the woods with my son  

Look forward to getting to know you all 

Xx


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## poppyseed1

Ps just read back through posts... I can also recommend penny at the serum clinic she is wonderful. 

X


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## sineu

Thanks a bunch, A-Mx! You are really helpful! So happy for you for the three angles you have got!

Also, I wonder if anyone here has tried DIY, home insemination? How realistic is it? Or is it at all possible to do it yourself, literally?!

It is not just about money, but I think I would feel more relaxed? 

Cheers,
Ellen


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## poppyseed1

I do know someone who used donor sperm from cryos site and did it at home failed on both her attempts and is now going to serum after I've highly recommend them. 

I've heard you can get free sperm ,,,!!..pay donors travel expenses and DIY it at home. 
No idea how you would find the donor and if they are sti checked etc.


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## goingforthemiracle

Sorry for asking ladies, but how can u do it yourself??


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## poppyseed1

A 10mil syringe apparently - suck the sperm into that. Then put into you , and inject it it (without. A needle of course) 
I think this is how lesbian couples who do it with co parenting gay dads do it. 


My friend who did it, who happens to be a dr ordered from an online site (might have been her dr links not sure) a iui tube. That she I assume put at the end of the syringe .. Or maybe she didn't use a syringe atall and just got what penny used for iui (don't even know what it's called) a long thin plastic tube lol


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## indekiwi

Ellen, you're very welcome.  

Poppyseed, welcome, and good luck on the TWW.  I'm also in the Cotswolds (near Stroud) and have a 7 year old son. There are a few singlies down this way and some of us are meeting up in Bristol next Sunday (8th) if you'd be interested in meeting up. 

A-Mx


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## poppyseed1

I'm stroud too with a 6 yr old .. loVe to meet up


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## poppyseed1

I don't know Bristol well, but I've sat nav ! Let me know where and when and yes love to join. (Relocated here in sept from Newcastle - so still finding my way around) I was in school here (minchinhamptom for little school) and hatherop for 2ndry ) but then I moved to London , traveled etc then up north - so although I grew up here I'm still feeling a bit lost !!! 

Look forward to meeting you xx


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## indekiwi

Great stuff Poppyseed.    I will PM you.


A-Mx


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## peanut_buttered

Hello everyone, I just wanted to check back in with what's been happening. 

Short version - I decided to go the single girl/IUI route in the summer and had the required barrage of tests only to find out that my AMH was a woeful 0.9. I decided to take DHEA and wait the requisite 3 months before having the recommended ICSI + extras. In that time a very dear friend offered to erm... help out as it were at having a go naturally (and also because we like and respect each other and have always had a lot of fun in the bedroom). 

First month of trying and a BFP! I could have fallen off my chair. I had my 8 week scan today and the heartbeat was there loud and clear. I'm amazed and feeling very, very lucky. 

I know this story might come as incredibly frustrating to some people but i wanted to share that a rubbish AMH result does not mean the end of everything (which is how I felt back in the summer). 
Good luck to everyone here. xx


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## MTE

Im 41 single and gad my first apt with lister last week to find out my options. My god I was blown away with it all. Got so many questions.


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## MTE

Im 41 single and gad my first apt with lister last week to find out my options. My god I was blown away with it all. Got so many questions.


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## notamuggle

peanut_buttered that is amazing news, congratulations! 

MTE hello   I've been lurking round the board for the last year and finally having my first IUI this month. This forum is amazing, you'll find loads of info and support and I'm sure one of the lovely ladies here will be able to answer any questions if you can't find what your looking for x


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## poppyseed1

Congrats peanut buttered .. Amazing news. Fate has a great way huh. 

Hi mte I'm sure lots of people will be able to answer your questions on here. Exciting times xx


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## lexa

Hi everyone

I just posted my first post on the 'singles' thread so thought to drop by and say hello. I'm 31 and about to embark on the journey of becoming a mum, something I have longed for as long as I can remember.  I've had one failed attempt at IVF (10 years ago when I was in a relationship).  
I'm excited and overwhelmed and I am only just starting to look at clinics!! 

Alexa xx


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## Gish

Hello all,

I am single woman, 42, very soon 43, living in London for about a year now

I went to one seminar on donor insemination at one clinic, did my initial scan and AMH, but feel reluctant pursuing proposed treatment with them - I didn't feel very good about not being able to get in touch when I needed the info, I was concerned that I would be treated the same when things get "real", plus I don't feel I fully understand the next steps and feel I would need a bit more face to face discussions

Therefore I am looking for advice on reliable clinic that could meet some of my expectations - have been reading some posts here and also did a lot of research via internet, trying to narrow down my selection (the places I am looking into are Chelsea Westminster hospital, Kings College Hospital, The Lister hospital, BMI Fitzroy square) - any good / bad thoughts also other ideas, all are welcome
I am looking for donor sperm as well, so a clinic that can provide that would be probably for convenience my preferred choice. If anyone can give their view, I would really be grateful

To add a bit more info - Proposed treatment was IUI (few cycles), prior to that HyCoSy and saline sonogram - can anyone advise me their view on these? Does it make sense trying one IUI without HyCoSy? How is HyCoSy done here, any anesthesia involved?

AMH - how often do one have to monitor that, how expected is it to drop in a month or so time? My result is 24.7 pmol/L

Sounding so serious, I know, but I have to be honest I am struggling a bit, really would appreciate any advice,
Gish


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## Annaleah

Morning Gish and welcome. Just a quick one before I dash to work.....

Your AMH looks good given your age which is reassuring. It's an indicator of ovarian reserve but doesn't tell you about the quality. You're best to ask a consultant about the frequency of measuring this. For some it drops rapidly, others it's more static until the pre menopausal years. 

Hycosy or a HSG can be a bit uncomfortable. I don't recall having any anaesthesia, and drove home after with paracetamol and short course antibiotics (given to minimise infection risk). Some people have had a few IUIs unsuccessfully and only then had investigations to find bilateral tube problems indicating IUI would not have worked.  Personally, and this is just my opinion, I feel quite strongly about safety and cost so I think it is negligent of any clinic to allow a woman to proceed with IUI without a proper assessment - both to avoid risk and wasted cost. 

I've been to a couple of clinics, only one in London.  CRM London (now merged with the Care group).  I had a very good experience there, individualised care and really liked the consultants, nursing team and embryologists.  I can't comment on their donor sperm supply but it should be easy to find out. 
Wish you well with your clinic search and treatment
Ax


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## suitcase of dreams

Hi Gish and welcome
I used LWC in London but wouldn't necessarily recommend them (suspect this is where you went for your seminar?). Lister have a good reputation for older women. CRM also v good (I didn't end up having tx there for various reasons but I did do a consultation with them). Not had any experience of the others on your list I'm afraid (it may be worth posting also on the London clinic boards as well for a broader response to clinics in London?)
I would have the hycosy only so you know you're not throwing money away with IUI - if your tubes are blocked better to know up front. As Annaleah said, can be a bit uncomfortable but nothing a couple of ibuprofen can't sort out 
AMH is only quantity of eggs (yours is good - I doubt it would drop significantly in a month or two although I'm no expert) - the real issue at your age (hope you don't mind me saying this but I think better to be honest) is egg quality. And there is no test for that. In practice it means that it may take many attempts to find the 'good' eggs - you should ask the consultants for realistic judgement of your chances of success. I don't mean to be doom and gloom but I'm a realist and I think it's better to be prepared  That said, you may be very lucky and find the good egg straight away but overall at 42-43 your chances are much lower than 10 yrs ago. I'm sure you already know that though....
Wishing you the best of luck. It can all seem very daunting when you first set out, but there's lots of support and help here. There is a group of London singlies who are mostly ttc or with young babies who meet up about once a month - have a look for the thread on this (on the main singles board) - meeting up with others in same situation is a great way to gather information and share experiences. It helped me no end when I was in your position (my twins are now 3yrs old)
and feel free to come back and ask questions as you go along, we're here to help 
good luck,
Suitcase
x


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## Gish

Many thanks to Suitcase and Annaleah

I have been reading and reading and browsing and browsing, and I arranged for my first consultation for Chelsea and Westminster, will see how that will go, I will be going there soon

Will write soon about my new discoveries

All the best


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## csj8

Hi,

I'm new to this too. I'm 41 in 3 months time and single., although I have amazing family and friends to support me.... I just don't know where to begin.

I think I've pretty much decided that I want to use Xytex as I'd like to know as much about the donor as possible and see what he looks like.

I just don't know how to start the process off....does anyone know how I find out which Clinics (in Essex if possible) use Xytex? Should I be having checks done to see if I even have any eggs. Help!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Thanks
Cindy


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## suitcase of dreams

csj8 - welcome 
first steps, check out HFEA website for list of clinics in your area. Then call them to find out about whether you can import sperm with Xytex and use that clinic. You may find going into London offers you better choice of clinics. Also might be worth posting on the Essex boards on FF to see if anyone has any clinic suggestions/recommendations
some clinics offer open days/seminars which are worth going to to gather information. then when you've got your shortlist, I'd have a consultation at maybe 2 or 3 (you do have to pay for consult though so you won't want to have too many) to see how you feel about them and choose the one which you feel suits you best
see your GP and ask if they will do the basic tests for you (depending on your relationship with your GP, you can either be honest about what you're planning, or you can suggest you've been ttc for a while with no success and want to get checked out)
you'll need FSH, LH done on day 3 of your cycle (think that's right, been AGES since I had those tests). AMH test will give you an indication of egg quantity but that one you'll have to pay for. before you start tx you'll also need various screening tests - HIV, Hep B/C, rubella, chlamydia - GP and/or local GUM clinic should be able to help with those (you may have to pay for some of them)
if you are planning IUI then your clinic will probably recommend hycosy/HSG to check tubes are clear but they'll sort that out for you once you've had your initial consultation...
hope this helps. my twins are 3 now and I was ttc for 4 yrs before that so it's been a long time since I was at the beginning where you are - I may have missed some info - am sure others who have been in your shoes more recently will be along soon
if you are near London/can get to London, do check out the London meet up - there's a group of ttc/recently pregnant who meet up around once a month - easily the best way to get advice and share experiences 
good luck,
Suitcase
x


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## ♥JJ1♥

Welome Gish

I never had a hycosy but had a HSG similar test and had valium (my choice) and painkillers no anaesthesia involved.
I have cycled at the Bridge, ARCG, CRM  in london (ICSI), I also went for consultations at LWC, Create, CRGH and Lister.

As you are over 40 you would need a centre that is used to dealing with older ladies and The Lister has a good reputation for this as well as CRGH. 
What  I looked for  in a clinic is one that is open 7 days a week so that if you are ready for treatment at a weekend you don't get cancelled (one lady I know at C+W had her IUI cancelled x 2 because they overstimmulated her).  A consultation is a good way to get a feel of a place and at the end of the day you will have only spent £150-250 and not a whole cycle that you are unhappy with and feel trapped.

Ask about pregnancy success for IUI for you age, and on 1 st - 6 th cycle etc.

Good Luck


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## ♥JJ1♥

csj8 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I'm new to this too. I'm 41 in 3 months time and single., although I have amazing family and friends to support me.... I just don't know where to begin.
> 
> I think I've pretty much decided that I want to use Xytex as I'd like to know as much about the donor as possible and see what he looks like.
> 
> I just don't know how to start the process off....does anyone know how I find out which Clinics (in Essex if possible) use Xytex? Should I be having checks done to see if I even have any eggs. Help!!
> 
> Any advice would be greatly appreciated
> 
> Thanks
> Cindy


You can ask your GP for FHS and LH test on days 1-3 of your cycel and a day 21 Progesterone to see if you are ovulating they may also do an antral follicle scan for you will need to pay for AMH via a fertility clinic (not all clinics use it) . Have a look on the Essex boards for a clinic- if you don't have anything is in Essex London has plenty of choices. Good Luck

L xx


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## csj8

Thanks for your advice ladies x I'm making my appointment with my GP today and I'll check out the threads you suggest ....So excited to finally be taking the first steps   x


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## Gish

Thanks JJ1, 

Reading what you say makes all the sense to me, I've set up a consultation with Lister as well, I really want to see how more then 1 place / doctor / premises feel

Also reading a bit on C+W and the instructions they are giving on how they can or cannot be called, how doctor may not always be at the disposal, puts me off a bit
I don't understand that approach, is it so little of them (doctors) out here and zillion of us in need?

Where I originally come from, when you go private (when you pay for the service) it is very much a different story
But I am not in position to pursue all this there, so I will try not to be driven by my negativity and try to focus on hope for the best

Have a good evening


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## Tincancat

I understand Mr George Ndukwe at Zita West is good for older single ladies in London.  No experience personally but I know someone similar age to you Gish who had success there when did not anywhere else.

As for me I am now too old for OE cycle and I am off to Dogus in Cyprus next month for DD.  

TC X


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## suitcase of dreams

gish, sadly rather typical that even when paying privately (and not small sums of money either) the service you receive can be very variable
most clinics have a system whereby you have initial consultation with a doctor, but all subsequent communication is via the nurses. so if you have a question the nurse cannot answer, or if your treatment is not going as planned etc, you still have to contact nurse first, they will speak to doctor and then get back to you. it is discouraged for you to have any direct contact with the doctor beyond first consultation (doctors also do the surgical procedures of course - egg collection/transfer, although IUI is usually done by a nurse)
if it's important to you to have more regular contact with the doctor (and I can totally understand you wanting this by the way), then this is perhaps one key question for you to ask of the clinics you are looking at 
I had very poor experience with one London clinic where the communication was simply dreadful - every time a different nurse, who had to read through all the notes, wasn't familiar with my treatment and ended up with lots of problems. as a result I had direct line to doctor for next treatment but it's really not acceptable that you have to wait until it all goes wrong to get that :-(
ended up having treatment abroad where I had contact only with the doctor who answered emails at all hours and also had his mobile number...worked much better for me (although going abroad is logistically more challenging, especially for IUI timing, and also generally implies using an anon donor which may not be your chosen route)
best of luck, hope you find a clinic to suit,
Suitcase
x


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## Lotusblossom

Hello Everyone,

I thought I would introduce myself. I'm 38 and thinking very hard at the moment about embarking on the journey to try to become a family. I'm still working through some of my concerns about practicalities and a the ever present grief that 'the whole package' just hasn't worked out for me.  I'm planning to have an initial fertility assessment at LWC over the next few weeks so I have more of an idea of my chances.
I'm glad to have found a forum and to find some brave folks on a similar journey.

Galanthus (latin name for the snowdrop which I have always considered to be a sign of hope)


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## Tincancat

Welcome Snowdrop
I just bought some of those the other day they look lovely at this time of the year under the trees.
TC x


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## notamuggle

Welcome welcome welcome to a board full of lovely ladies

I'm just contemplating changing my forum name to something else, just thought people I know could find this and know who I am  

Just got to think of a new name  

Xxx

Edit: new name now in place (was natasza)
X


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## Tincancat

Hi Muggle
How about choosing a Spring flower like Galanthus above has done?
TC x


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## notamuggle

This is my new name tincat  

I was natasza79


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## Tincancat

Oh I see Muggle is the new name?
TC x


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## notamuggle

Yeeeees 

I changed it just after posting to confuse everyone


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## Tincancat

You sure did that to me! Sorry about your MC.
Tough time at moment eh? You might find this thread useful http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=317907.msg5727030#msg5727030
TC x


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## notamuggle

Thanks TC

I've already found the amazing girls over there, I'm not sure how I'd have got through the last few weeks without the guys on here  

Xxx


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## Tincancat

sorry I did not recognize your name.  Please feel free to PM me if I can help.  Been there myself ...more than once.
TC x


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## notamuggle

I think you've already replied to me TC, I think I've just confused everyone with my name change. It's so sad so many of us have to go through the heartache of loosing our babies but I'm so grateful of the support from the ladies on here.

I thought I better change my name as I didn't want people I know finding my posts!

To all the new girls who have just joined this is an amazing forum. This journey is hard at the best of times but the advice and support from the guys on here is amazing & invaluable

Good luck on your journeys xxxxx


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## indekiwi

Welcome Galanthus.  Good luck at LWC.  Once your grief has subsided, let the excitement begin.      


Notamuggle, loving your new name.   


A-Mx


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## Scooter39

Hello! I'm right at the start of my journey, so it's brilliant to find this site with so many ladies all going through the same thing. I've had all my initial tests which look ok except for my progesterone level which has come back as being really low. Consultant has recommended I give IUI a go first as I haven't tried to get pregnant before....I was just wondering if there are any other ladies out there who have had successful IUI treatment who are a similar age to me as I'm worried i might be too old for IUI to work!!


----------



## notamuggle

Hi scooter and welcome

How old are you?

I'm 35 and IUI work for me first time, unfortunately I've just had a miscarriage but I'm hopeful that it's worked once so hopefully will work again 

Good luck xxx


----------



## Scooter39

Hi Notamuggle - I'm 39...so a few years older but really good to hear that you've managed to get pregnant as from looking through the site I couldn't see anyone else near my age and I was worried it wouldn't be worth doing.

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage   How long will you wait to try again? Xx


----------



## indekiwi

Scooter, I had medicated IUI at 38 and gave birth a couple of months short of 39, having been unsuccessful during three previous attempts in the previous 18 months.  Look up posts by CocoChanel1, Lulumead and Grace on the singes IUI / TTC threads over the past two-three years - there is someone one else there too (can't think of her user name) - plenty of examples of women in their late 30s / early 40s with success at IUI.   


A-Mx


----------



## Scooter39

Ah....Indekiwi.....you have cheered me up big time!!!    thank you!!

Ridiculous I know, but I was starting to get anxious about it before I've even started treatment!!!! 

I am due to start my first cycle over the next couple of weeks, so looking forward to beginning!!

Xxx


----------



## some1

Hello Scooter39 - I've been lucky enough to have 2 children via IUI (my first when I was 36 and second when I was 39 (despite having high FSH of 13.5).  Smilingandwishing has had 2 children via IUI over forty.  So, although success rates for IUI do decline post 35  it definitely can happen.  

Just wanted to pick up on your comment about your progesterone level being low.  Was it done on day 21 of your cycle?  That is the standard cycle day for it to be tested - but, depending on your cycle length taking it on day 21 may not give a true indication.  This is because progesterone level peaks midway between ovulation and menstruation.  So for someone with a textbook cycle of 28 days, ovulating on day 14, day 21 represents the peak - if your cycle is longer or shorter than that testing on day 21 could miss the peak completely.

Some1

xx


----------



## Scooter39

Hi some1, thank you so much for sharing your story....I feel so much better than I did 24hrs ago!     AF started today, so hopefully will be starting this week. Yes, my progesterone is v v low...think was supposed to be 30ish...and mine was something like 2.9!!! They took it on Day 21 and then again on Day 26 as the first one was so low they thought it was earlier than Day 21. I'm a pretty regular 28 day cycle. So they have said that they'll ask me to take something.....can't remember what the nurse said it was (brand name). But fingers crossed it will work!!!

Xxxxxxx


----------



## Annaleah

Not a muggle - love the name change. Been thinking about you  

Scooter - welcome and fingers crossed for your first cycle  

Ax


----------



## kali2911

Hi i'm still finding my feet on here.. i'm kali from manchester, i have applied for nhs i.v.f i will be doing this alone which i am happy with.. i have recieved my first appointment at st.marys so would be really pleased to find locals in my situation as well as  web friends who have experiances to share. and would be greatful for any information about this first appointment, what i can expect etc... thanks kali   x


----------



## Wass

Hi Kali, I'm 3 days in to my 2ww have had IVF via Care Sheffield. Am going it alone too. First appt is mind blowing, you'll come away with tons of information and questions. A good clinic will help you with both, and this site is brilliant!


----------



## indekiwi

Hi Kali, welcome to the singles board.  Might be worth introducing yourself on the IVF thread as well: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=300465.650 - it looks like Hels13 and NoworNever are also in Manchester so great to have some local singles to meet up with. I think there is currently a separate thread on the first page of the singles TTC (trying to conceive) board which is about what to expect at first appointments - you might find it useful.

Good luck Wass on your TWW! 

A-Mx


----------



## kali2911

Thanks.. i have been having a good read on here, crazy for all these years gone by i've felt like i was alone in the situation and until recently that i would have to be in a long term relationship maybe even married before i had a chance of having kids.. not till you come and finally find somewhere like this you realize just how many people are affected... but at least we have hope! I'm yet to properly acquaint myself with the terminology for treatments so you'l have to bare with me lol..  i think until i plucked up the courage to go speak to my doctor i'd kinda resigned myself to the fact i'd be the crazy aunt to many friends kids but never have had children of my own. but an article online about a lady who'd been refused because of her postcode but it was really because she was single and she was finally put in for treatment..that's what made me go ask i thought to myself i will never know unless i try.. i feel so lucky to even get this first meeting because i know there is still some out there who have been refused that.. i will check out that thread thanks  x


----------



## smilingandwishing

Hi Scooter,

Yep some1 is right I had both my boys in my 40s with IUI. My first was born 12 days before my 41st birthday and I was 43 with my second.  I was incredibly blessed because both times it happened on my first treatment. So whilst it is absolutely the case for some that when a little older IVF gives better chances of success, there are definitely cases where IUI works well for us slightly older gals!

All the best

And good luck to you too, Kali

Smiling xx


----------



## Scooter39

Smilingandwishing: that is great news to hear! I'm due to go in on Weds to be 'basted' (urggghh...hate that expression!) so I'm holding onto all the stories like yours to keep me in a positive mood! I'm trying to stay grounded as I know the chances of a first time success are small....but am sending lots of   To my Dad in the hope that he can send me some good luck from heaven. I bet the boys keep you busy?!!!


----------



## Tincancat

Hiya Scooter
I got pregnant on my first IUI at 41 but sadly it did not continue and it did not work again. Every time I have had what look good embryos under the microscope in IVF too but I think genetically duff eggs are playing a significant part in my failures as I have become too old so I have moved on to double donor now - fly to Cyprus on Saturday.
TC x


----------



## Scooter39

Tincancat: love your name...makes me chuckle!! Good luck in Cyprus, how long will you be there for? I'm going in on Weds morning for my first insemination...so excited and nervous at the same time!


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Scooter
I am out there for 10 nights but I only need to be there for 2 nights:  I have found cheap apartment at 30 euros a night in the south so it seems daft not to stay a bit longer.
Good luck with your tc
TC x
PS name comes from a tin cat I bought in Thailand


----------



## Emily111

Hello everyone,

I have just joined this site - I have just had a failed IVF with donor sperm and trying to work out what to do next.  Kali - I was interested that you said you are getting IVF treatment on the NHS  How?!!  

In Surrey - I've been refused because of being single - even though I would pay for donor sperm.  Pretty upset by their random discrimination - if it wasn't hard enough anyway... 

Any ideas appreciated...

E


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Emily
Can't recommend highly enough to go abroad.  I have just had a wonderful holiday in the sunshine and come back pregnant.  With sucees rates of over 80% and much cheaper it is a no brainer......... wish I had thought of it years ago instead of wasting loads of money in the UK.
Other option if you are young enough might be egg sharing in the UK.  That would keep costs down.  I am sure lots of other people will come in with more suggestions.
TC x


----------



## Emily111

Hi TC,

That is wonderful news!

Can I ask what clinic you went to?  And was it for IVF?  I did consider going abroad but wondered how it would work - as seem to need to be around for 2/3 weeks...

E


----------



## Tincancat

Hiya Emily.  I had double donor so only needed to be there for 3 days but I actually stayed for 10 days: 3 days in the North with 7 in Larnaca.  For your own eggs you would need to have a week out there.  I went to Dogus communication was sometimes poor but they get brilliant results.  I was with Dr F but Iknow there is another doctor working from Dogus who has a coordinator, Ayse, who is more on the ball.  An alternative is the new Ada Clinic set up last year getting good results with the embryologist who used to work at Dogus plus Lyndsay the former coordinator from Dogus.
TC x


----------



## Misty6

Hi Everyone, 

I have just joined and looking forward to getting to know you all. I am using this time to do some fact finding and research and hope to start treatment in Sept/Oct. 

My first action is to get a fertility test to see where I am starting from. 

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Tx


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome Misty and good luck with your plans, you'll find lots of support here

Just holla if you need anything x


----------



## Misty6

Thank you notamuggle!

I'm excited and nervous, but also really pleased I have finally made the decision to go for it!

Tx


----------



## PauaShell

Good morning everyone,  

After lurking and reading lots of posts I thought it's time I introduced myself.
I'm 37, single and was diagnosed with POF about 2 years ago after coming off the pill and not getting any periods. lots of tests later FSH well over 150   amh 1.1 and a small fibroid lots of donor egg talks by everyone I've seen so far which I am seriously considering. I'm on Kliofem and that has helped with hot flushes and the worst acne I have ever had. So I  want to make a decision what to do. 
When I had an internal scan they said they could only find one ovary but the other one had a couple of small follicles in it, the latest consultant said to me you may have read lots of stories about people getting pregnant with these results but it's not going to happen in your case   but he then went on to say if you are dating which I'm not you may have a spontaneous ovulation and get pregnant. Any thoughts would be welcome


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Pauashell 
Welcome.  Paua is a New Zealand shell isnt it ?  
My AMH was similar and I have only one ovary but was still cycling each month regular. I tried several cycles only getting one or two eggs each time.  Every time got  at least one 'top grade embryo' for day 3 transfer always BFN or chemical pregnancy.  Problems is embryologist can't really grade them properly at day 3 and I never had enough to get to day 5.  So disheartening to go through cycle after cycle of supposedly good embryos and BFN.  You could try OE but it maybe only one in 10 would give you a BFP then at your age there is around a 50% risk of miscarriage.  How much of a roller coaster of emotions can you go through trying your own eggs, not to mention the cost?  This is what you have to think about.  What is more important -  is it a baby you want or your own genetic child?

If you are not convinced about DE yet how about a Tandem Cycle such as they do at Dogus in that way you can try your own eggs but have a donor as back up?

I am so much more relaxed now I am pregnant with donor - risk of miscarriage and Down's is so much lower and I am hopeful I can carry to term this time.

Feel free to ask any more questions. Good luck.
TC x


----------



## PauaShell

Hi Tincancat,
First of all congratulations on your pregnancy, how exciting knowing you are expecting twins.
I did read your posts and got all excited for you so glad you replied to my introduction  
You've been through a lot so can imagine how happy you are.

To be honest I have always known the DD route is best for me and was excited when my mind was made up I got side tracked by hearing miracle stories.  I know I will love my child when I get that far, I have always wanted children as long as I can remember, I was babysitting from an early age and worked in childcare so I know being a mother will come very naturally.

The tandem cycle sounds interesting so I will look into that whilst being realistic about costs etc, I will have to save for a while and start early next year. 

Can I ask if you have told friends, family colleagues etc? obviously being single I will say I have had fertility treatment but keep certain things to myself especially to work colleagues as they are a harsh crowd lol and a couple friends linked to the ex of course 

Thanks TC xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Paua 
All friends know my pregnancy is as a result of double donor.  I fully intend no secrets for the babies.  I have even started a memory box of my trip to Cyprus so I can show then as they grow up:  emails to clinic, photos of where I stayed, boarding card, ticket etc.

For work not really told anyone yet except one person as I was feeling so nauseous and was becoming a bit scattered brained when I turned up a wrong site for work!  She assumes I have a partner so I just said I am doing this solo and left it at that.  With others when I do formally.announce at work,  if I don't want them to know, more prying questions will be met with " it's amazing what you can get on holiday"!

Currently I am.still more scared than happy as I wonder how long I can carry them for.  I am sure I will get better once I am beyond 20 weeks but for now I can't plan too far ahead for fear of building myself up for a fall if I don't get to real live baby stage.
TC x


----------



## indekiwi

Paua, welcome.   


TCC, hang on in there hun, fingers firmly crossed for you.   


A-Mx


----------



## PauaShell

indekiwi said:


> Paua, welcome.
> 
> TCC, hang on in there hun, fingers firmly crossed for you.
> 
> A-Mx


Thank you indekiwi xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey Paua and welcome,

I've told all my close family and friends but only a very few people at work know. 

It was a little yard as I'd told so many propel they kept asking if I was pregnant yet which was a bit stressful, particularly while I was waiting for my 7 week scan and didn't want to tell people yet. But it was also good as mpwhen I did have a miscarraige I had a lot of support and people understood when I was acting a bit off 

TCC & inde huuuuugs

Xx


----------



## sgee

Hi
I have recently turned 40 and ended my relationship as my partner couldn't commit to having kids. I have dreamt of being a mum forever and have decided to embark on this journey alone... I dearly hope I haven't left it too late.
I have been to one open evening and an assessment, and wasn't hugely impressed, plus their success rates don't look good on **** website.
Can anyone please recommend other London clinics that have experienced?
Thanks in advance, really appreciated
Sgee x


----------



## indekiwi

Hi Sgee, and welcome to the singles board.   


I'm sorry to read that you've had to end your relationship in order to pursue motherhood.   There are parallels with one of the other singlies who has been posting for the last year or two (Natclare).


Many London clinics hold open evenings, so it's difficult to steer you in a different direction without a starting point.    I used both CRM and LFC and was happy with both, but my youngest is now two so any information I proffered would be dated.  Neither is the cheapest shop in town, but equally, both were highly rated.  Others swear by the Lister, which has a reputation for treating tough cases with good success rates.  Which prompts me to say that you need to be a little careful when you evaluate success rates.  Some clinics refuse to treat women who don't have excellent FSH / AMH so as not to blot their success rates, while others will treat everyone, or focus on difficult infertility issues.  It is difficult to compare like with like on that basis.  If you have no reason to think you have any infertility issues, then were I you, I would go to several of the open evenings and figure out which clinic feels comfortable to you and where you like the staff.  Then check out the stats for 40 year olds (IUI and IVF) and compare those to the HFEA median stats.  The other thing you could do is check the clinic threads on FF and the IUI and IVF threads on the singles board in particular for some feedback on recent experiences.  


Hope this helps.


A-Mx


----------



## notamuggle

Hi Sgee, welcome to the the thread. I'm not in London so can't help with clinic but good luck xxx


----------



## sgee

Thanks A-M. & notamuggle - I booked an assessment at the Lister for a couple of weeks time yesterday, because I've heard good things about it from other people. The clinic I did go to said my AMH has come back low at 7.48 (not sure how normal or not this is for the average 40 year old), and my right ovary looks ok and they can work with, but left is small and very few follicles. As I have not tried to get pregnant before they recommended I try iui first (stimulated), and then IVF if that was not successful. Decisions to make..., daunting! 

Thanks again

Sgee x


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Sgee
Welcome.  Also consider Clinics abroad as they have much higher success rates than the UK  and are often far cheaper even after flights and accommodation.
TCCx


----------



## sgee

Thanks TCC.. Not looked int abroad yet, but will do
Sgee x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Countries like Greece, Cyprus & Ukraine tend to be cheaper. Spain, US and others can be similar price if not more expensive than UK. 
Worth bearing in mind that (with exception of US) donors are completely anonymous abroad and child cannot trace them when 18 (as they can in UK). So if ID release donor is important to you, best to stay in UK. 
Good luck!
Suitcase 
x


----------



## natclare

Hello - not posted on this thread for a while but thought I'd drop by.

Emily111 and Misty6 welcome to FF, you will find a wealth of information here. Where are you in Surrey?

Pauashell I can see the recommendations from Titancat for Dogus, but you may want to look at Serum (Greece). You can book a free (telephone) consultation to learn exactly how it works but essentially you do as much as you can from the UK so could anticipate being in Greece for 2 weeks I think and having a nice holiday. DE cycles are 5k euro plus meds.
Suitcase of Dreams made a good point about the use of anon donors only abroad, with DE certainly but rules are made to be bent - PM me.

Sgee - welcome and, yes, as Indekiwi said I do have tons of experience in breaking up with the love of my life in order to have a family (or even, in my case, the "idea" of having a family as I am still deciding when to go for it, have a brand new job and house so getting settled). I can't tell you how hard this was for us to come to the decision to separate and how the pain never really goes away. My ex remarried just 8 months after we separated to a very nice lady and has just celebrated his 1st anniversary, we all ran into each other at an event last Friday which was awful for me as I am still single BUT I know that if I had to make the decision 100 times over, despite how much I love(d) him, I would make the same decision again. It is just sad that we could not stay together and share the same dream. I feel for you and you have my utmost sympathy as I know it is not easy. It is always good to have a goal though and motivation. Re your AMH, I am no expert by 7.4 seems really good! Mine was 3.4 last time we measured it and it was so upsetting I have not bothered trying to measure it again. Regarding London clinics I went to the presentation by LWC and was impressed at the presentation, but not them per se although others have had a good experience there. I had first 3 cycles at the Lister (2 as egg sharer to freeze eggs where I did not pay, last one to freeze embryos where I did) and I found the Lister superb. I think if I were paying myself from the word go I think I would go straight to Serum for a number of reasons: cost (you will soon see how it adds up in London clinics), level of care (family feel with clinical lead Penny), combining with a 2 week holiday rather than having lots of appointments interrupting your work, they don't charge for things like ICSI, they are skilled at dealing with people with complicated issues. As said above there are ways around the rules.

Good luck everyone.
x


----------



## sgee

Thanks Natclare... And as heart breaking as separating is/was, i know i would have been unhappy long term if i didn't at least try for kids. Haven't really explored abroad yet, that's next on my list after I have checked out The Lister..

Take care

Sgee x


----------



## natclare

I hope it will be a very positive experience at the Lister, I always found them excellent, and of course may well still go back there for my eggs/embryos. They are a very busy clinic, so make sure you take your time e.g. come prepared with a list of questions (you're paying for the consult so get your money's worth). I suppose it is worth having IUI there, but if you are thinking of IVF do look at Serum. I don't know if it is useful to you or not but the Lister also offer a free counselling service. You'll be obligated to have a session there anyway because you are planning on SMC but it's also good and one of the few things in this process that is free! Good luck x


----------



## LotteChar

Hi everyone,

I'm new on here so hope I'm doing this right. I only found this last night so was quite excited to find it. It's nice to see all the support.
I am 40 and had my 4th IUI last Monday. My first one was successful but I miscarried at 5 weeks 1 day. This will be my last IUI attempt as I have decided to try IVF if I don't get pregnant this time. This tww is so hard. I'm just trying to keep busy.

Until last night I didn't know you could have medication and IUI. Is there a reason for this? Does it increase success rate?

OK, that's all for now


----------



## RusskiHope

Hi there,
I'm also a newbie to this site.

I've decided to become a SMC after my last relationship broke down as he didn't want to try to have kids after having a vasectomy 12 years ago.

I'm 38 years old and decided not to spend time on looking for a Prince Charming anymore, and maybe he comes along after a had my little one. Mind you I'm not pregnant yet and just exploring my options about IUI.

I'm an expat working in Iraq, I've schedule my first consultation on IUI on 24th June at the City Fertility clinic and hoping to schedule an IUI in December. But working rotations in and out of Iraq messes up my plans and I won't be able to get it done in December. However I'm off work and ovulation day away from Iraq is in October. In that case I've also scheduled an appointment in Riga in September, to discuss an IUI and potential AI in October.

Somebody mentioned clinics abroad and I know there are 2 clinics in Riga (I grew up in Riga)Riga Ava and Riga Aba. The cost is much less than in the UK. They also have their own sperm banks and again prices are much less than in the UK. Or you arrange your own donor sperm to be sent to the clinic. I'll post more info after my appointment in September. 

Russki


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome and good luck girls

lotte, how's it going?


----------



## Moonfire

Another newbie starting my journey- I'm just starting on IUI (first of 3 cycles) and started injections tonight.(Eeeek!) I'm over 40 just to add to the odds against me but I'm an eternal optimist. Kicking myself I left it so late waiting for Mr Right but decided it's better to try than regret not trying for a family whilst I have a remote chance and the money. The injections were really daunting me but I survived the first tonight without passing out. Thank goodness for this board - it gives me somewhere to talk about this.


----------



## RusskiHope

Hi Moonfire,
Are you getting IUI done in the UK? Which clinic if you don't mind me asking?

And when is your first IUI?

I'm having my consultation on the 24th June at the City Fertility Clinic.

I'm just so scared to go into this but don't want to miss my opportunity of becoming a mummy. I'm 38 and got enough of waiting for Mr Right. Do they actually exist?

But my situation is even more tricky as I'm working in Iraq and want to carry on working here and trying to get an IUI done this year. But my rotations schedule is not in sync with my ovulation day and I fear I miss it this year. But I'm optimistic, trying to find out as much info as I can from City Fertility and Riga Aba clinic where I also have a consultation in September. (Grew up in Riga)

Russki


----------



## Moonfire

Hi Russki,

Yes I'm having mine done at the Agora in the UK. This is my first IUI and a bit nervous is an understatement! I know exactly how you feel- it is scary but for me the alternative of not trying is even more scary to be honest.  I'm not sure my Mr Right exists but to be honest he's missed his slot to start a family with me so I'm sorting myself out now (girl power and all that  ) 

The one thing I am finding is the disruption to everyday life at the moment. 

I have my fingers crossed for you that everything works out timing wise.


----------



## RusskiHope

Moonfire,

Never heard of that clinic. Must google it. Are you from London?

This journey is definitely scary but not to have your little one is even scarier and I can't imagine to have one in my life. 

My engagement broke down suddenly in December last year. Without any explanation but my guess is he didn't want to try to have kids as he a vasectomy 12 years ago and didn't want to reverse it in fear he would fire "blanks". His loss, anyway.

Does your family know bout your journey? Are they supportive? And your friends? 
Hope you're not going for an IUI alone? Hope there's someone with you.

Russki


----------



## Moonfire

I'd rather not say where I'm from to be honest as only my parents know what I'm doing and I'm trying to stay anonymous.   I'm not sure who else I will tell beyond that until I get pregnant so will cross that bridge when I come to it. (fingers crossed  ) My parents are really supportive thankfully.

I'm so sorry your relationship broke down like that. You are right it is his loss and your baby's gain when you get to be a mum (hopefully!) 

Do you have anybody to support you? I have to say I'm not sure I could do this alone and anyone who does has my complete admiration.


----------



## RusskiHope

My apologies, Moonfire, totally respect you being anonymous. 

I'm live in London but work rotations in Iraq.

My mum doesn't know anything but my dad is fully aware and very supportive. In fact, he encouraged me to start this journey as I believe he also doesn't want me to miss the boat of becoming a mummy.

I've always said if I wouldn't have a kid born in a relationship, then I'd definitely take a road of becoming a SMC. And here I am. Again it's scary, my girlfriends are very supportive and think I'm very brave. I don't feel that but feels reassuring coming from them. So I'm not alone. This board helps a lot too, just to read the stories and get more encouraged and supported.

When is your first IUI scheduled?


----------



## Moonfire

Glad to hear it-you dad sounds like a smashing bloke 

Not sure of the date of my first IUI yet-  waiting for the clinic to tell me when I'm "done" so to speak.


----------



## RusskiHope

He always wanted to have grand kids but it's not about him, at the end of the day. But I'm glad he's on my side. In fact he booked my appointments in Riga clinics. Bless him..

I'd be interested to hear about your first IUI. Are you going to use sperm banks in the UK or abroad?


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome Moonfire and good luck with your first IUI 

X


----------



## Moonfire

Thank you- I'm probably going to need it.


----------



## indekiwi

LotteChar, RusskiSoloist & Moonfire, just dropping by to say   and welcome to the singles board.    Wishing all three of you the very best of luck.  Lots of experience represented on these boards and a trawl of some of the threads (not necessarily on the first page of the singles board) should provide a load of information.


A-Mx


----------



## RusskiHope

Thank you indekiwi,

But I must admit that I'm absolutely petrified of getting my first IUI done this year. I feel that I'm not ready but when will I ever be ready. And working in Iraq doesn't help me. I feel I don't have a steady background to big the process. I feel my situation is complicated and I'd like to hear your views and opinions.

As I said I work in Iraq, 5 weeks in and 3 weeks off. These 3 weeks I don't spend in the UK as I'm an expat and don't pay UK taxes so I'm staying with my mum in Riga a lot. I'm contractually obliged to stay here till March 2015. And even then I want to carry on working here.

Because I work rotations I don't have my ovulation calendar in sync with my time off and that's why I think it'll take me a while to get my IUI done. Actually my first "window" is in October but I feel I'm not ready. I'm also trying to buy a 2 bedroom flat in Surrey, for myself and my little one whenever he or she is here. 

Everything is done remotely as I'm not physically in London and things are slow and it's a bit frustrating. 

My first consultation on IUI is on 24th June, I always thought I'd go for IUI in December but my ovulation day falls on Christmas Day, and I'm sure all clinics will be shut. My next window is in February. I feel more relaxed if I do then as I feel there's still so much going on with working here and trying to purchase a property.

But at the same time I don't want to prolong my first IUI till later. I'll be 39 next April.

I hope to hear your views, advices,anything. As I feel I can only express my thoughts on here, as you will understand me better. This goes to all ladies who reads this.

Feeling somewhat sad.

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Hi  RusskiSolo
There is never a right time as I have found to my cost.  Due to work I kept putting things off until basically I was too old.  My first IUI worked but ended in MMC then loads of failed IUI and IVF before I eventually had to concede it was not just immune issues which I found late on but main factor was I was too old and switched to donor eggs.  Now pregnant with twins thinking I should have waited a bit longer from career point of view hut look where that got me before!

Personally if you really want this,  and don't want to live with any regrets,  I would be tempted to throw everything at it now.  You could take the pill for a short time to ensure your cycle falls at the right time or just jump in with IVF which would fit in better with your schedule and would probably give you some embryos to freeze.  IUI has quite a low success rate and chance of miscarriage is around 50% at 40 but of course so much cheaper so you can do several rounds compared to IVF,  With IVF using embryoscope they can pick the best embryos for you and you might not need so many attempts compared to IUI.
If you are not adversed to DE you have time to leave things until you are in a more baby friendly situation with regards to your work situation.  Also DE IVF is so simple I just flew out to Cyprus for a few days and hey presto I was pregnant.  Unbelievably easy after everything I had gone though in the UK.
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Thanks Tincancat,

I'll have my plan treatment consultation at the City clinic on 24th June. Back in January, Dr M told me to start with IUI first and have IVF as a last resort. 
I've also scheduled appointments in Riga clinics as I spend a lot of time there and I think it makes sense to get it done in their local clinic. Still so much to consider and my head is spinning. For example, where will be my first IUI done? Then this 2ww, I'm sure I'll be in Iraq, would I have doctors on standby. Our designated doctors don't handle pregnancies. I'm in a man's world! You might think I'm crazy starting this journey and not even being back at home, in London. 

But what can I do? I can't live work yet, this is only source of my income but at the same time I don't want to postpone any treatments. If I was based in London before taking this job 2 years ago I'd have gone for IUI without any hesitation whatsoever, but based here now it's hard to get my head around it.

Thankfully my dad is supportive but I feel I need a lot of support,encouragement from this site and like minded ladies. Everything right now feels so complicated and that's without me having first IUI! 

Just feeling incredibly alone.

Russki


----------



## Hoochie

Hi 
I'm a single 40 year old who has decided to try ivf at a clinic in Poland - previously I've been in relationships and it's just not happened for me - so I've decided to take the leap alone and with costs so high in uk and nhs not prepared to help I will be heading to gdansk at the end of the month for my first consultation. Slightly overwhelmed so any advice on what I should be asking doctor / clinic welcomed


----------



## Tincancat

Same here Russki.  Often I feel quite alone in this journey.  It would not matter if you got a BFP in Iraq you just take the test kits with you.  To be quite honest with you doctors don't want to know until you are a few weeks further on.  You would need a scan at some point but that could be done once you are back from Iraq.

I agree it sounds better to look at clinics in Riga for getting donor sperm in the UK is difficult., once you have decided on where things might fall into place better.

No I don't think you are mad at all.  My job is my only source of income so I had to be sure I was doing things at the right time: I have no family support it will be just my income.  As it is I have realised recently with twins I will be paying more out in childcare to start with than I bring in net.  Plans of ever buying a house now are zero: severely depleted savings by many cycles of fertility treatment and shortly outgoings will be more than income for a few years.  Time for a radical rethink with my job.

I could not have lived with the regret if I had got to my 50s and never tried that one last time in Cyprus.  Now if it all goes wrong,  as you can see from my history it can in the second trimester, I can stand back and say I tried with no regrets.  Yes work is important you have to money to live but its not everything.
Good Luck

Hello Abi -  good luck.  I like Gdansk as I have a friend who is from there so visited a couple of times:  I did consider going there but went for Cyprus on recommendation and the very high success rates.
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Tincancat, are you in London? if you are, then I could always help you with anything you need. Even financially. 

Funny enough I'm having a meeting here tomorrow with our medical company to work out our new contract. I've already asked them about Maternity and it wasn't in out original contract! And in one of their contract samples, they say - We don't recommend expats being pregnant to work rotations or being residents. Of course they have their reasons but that's not good to me!! so, that's a headache number one. Will know more in a meeting tomorrow. 

As for clinics, I originally thought of the Stork Klinik but again, it won't work for me with my rotations and ovulation calendar. That's why I've looked into Riga's clinics, so my dad called them, made appointments. More on that in September. 

But first of all, interesting to hear what Dr M says at the City Clinic in London. More on that after 24th June. 

Abi, are you in London? have you tried IUI first? 

I have to say, ladies, sometimes I wish I was in London and got it all done etc But work is equally important and since I'm going solo and no financial support from anywhere else, I have to find balance. 

I'm already feeling somewhat better with chatting with you. Thank you!

Russki


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## Tincancat

Thanks Russki.  I'm in Liverpool, not my favourite place but, work brought me here.  You seem very practical so I'm sure you will sort this all out.  Pity you have to wait until September for Riga consultation for from what you say that would be the best place to start.
TCC x


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## RusskiHope

I'm quite happy to travel to Liverpool to say Hi  
But seriously, if you need anything then just shout. I'll be more than happy to help.

I'm gathering as much info as I can at the moment. And I'm more likely to go for Riga clinic as I'll be spending most of my time there (I'm non UK Tax payer). Also, I'm familiar with the place even though I left it 20 years ago but a regular visitor to my parents. Mum still doesn't know I'm doing this on my own but my dad is full on with this. (my parents are separated). 
My closest 2 girlfriends from London know it and very supportive. And 2 girls from here are also aware and think I'm brave. I don't feel that way and I'm really scary. This place is not exactly the West! But I keep saying I can't leave it just yet. I'm not ready to return to London full time yet. I'd rather carry on being here and try my IUI from "home" as it might take a while for TTC. 

I'm also trying to buy a flat in Surrey (another major step in my life) but there are different hurdles too and many hoops to jump through before I start even viewing places! 

Sometimes I feel so frustrated when here as I can't do anything for 5 weeks at a time (length of my rotation). 

I just hope it all works out for you this time around! 

Russki


----------



## Hoochie

Hi 

No im in manchester - I looked at iui but as 40 and history of pcos I was told chances v slim so as I feel this financially will be a one shot ( so too speak) I was advised to do ivf. Ive my first appt on 1 July so will see what they say - I had a polyp removed last summer and the doc did say he thinks it could have been the source of problems but that he feels will need help to get pregnant. I don't really understand all the test and abbreviations used like amh but hopefully will become clearer after 1 July! I don't know anyone whose been to Poland so betting on their good reviews and stats looked good  

I hope things become clearer for you I can see with work that's an added complication but sometimes I think you just have to go for it.


----------



## RusskiHope

I've been to Poland many times but not to any of the fertility clinics. I'm interested in hearing about your first consultation.

I must ask about IVFs too, at the City Fertility and Riga clinic. I need to know about my options and time frame. But again, I'm absolutely petrified about these treatments and how they would make me feel especially when going through hormone changes etc while in Iraq. I must be absolutely mad.  

But I have to go for it as you say as I don't want to miss my opportunity. 

Russki


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## Tincancat

If you are up North it would be great to meet up with you Russki. You are very welcome to PM me. I don't go to London often although I am up and down from the Midlands and North East quite often as I used to live in both those places and have friends there. Travelling limited at the moment to after my TAC operation.

Abi in Mnnchester you are not far from me. Do keep in touch and let me know how you get you get on you too are welcome to PM me. AMH gives you an idea of your ovarian reserve and is used in conjunction with antral follicle count to estimate your chances of success. Try this link that explains things in simple terms for first time IVF cyclers and also has some information on AMH on other areas of the blog http://myselfishgenes.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/my-advise-for-someone-starting-their.html This maybe your only shot with OE but do consider you have plenty of time to save and try with donor eggs in a few years. http://myselfishgenes.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/i-have-very-low-amh-and-fsh-should-i.html

TCC x

/links


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## RusskiHope

Thanks Tincancat, I'll take up on your offer and PM you. I'm back in London in 2 weeks but it will be a quick trip so again I'll be back in August and if you are around we could meet in Liverpool or somewhere half way. 

I'm also trying to meet up with London ladies and I believe someone on site is organising a meet up in July but no dates confirmed. And again with my rotations I might miss it.  

When I read the posts and there are so many abbreviations, it's like a different language for me! totally rocket science. Mind you I don't know them in Russian and now I have to learn them in English. So much to consider it's just overwhelming! it really is!  

Russki


----------



## Hoochie

Hi Russki 

I'm terrified too esp re first visit but they've been really responsive to emails and Magdelina has been very professional so fingers crossed. I will keep you posted, price wise they offered some good ivf packages. I'm worried about being hormonal too as I work in automotive so v male dominated and I travel a lot in uk but as my parents have offered to pay half I feel it's know or never! Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Abi,
Are you going alone? Hope not! Are your friends aware of your "journey"? 

Riga clinic also has some good IVF packages and cheaper than in the UK and competitive across Europe.

Which sperm bank are you using? 

Choosing a donor is a whole new world to me and so scary too! 
I've checked out dk.cryosinternational and you can see the donors' photos when they were babies,read their notes, hear their voices. Ive decided to order from Denmark and have a little Viking  

Have you got a list of questions to ask?  I feel dizzy when I try to put things on paper


----------



## Hoochie

Hi Russki

I'm going alone for first visit as it's a couple of hours so financially doesn't make sense to take anyone - I'm getting a list of questions together, my friends just had ivf in uk and is now having twins so I've someone who has done it just not abroad, to ask advice she's being really supportive. My mum is going to come when I go for treatment. The clinic has donors so I think will use theirs - I did find myself googling polish people to see what their characteristics are! I thought looked more like me than if I had gone to Spain! I like the sound of a Viking baby though so might have a look. The hardest part I'm finding now I've decided to do is thinking of anything else. Odds not exactly in my favour so hoping for a miracle really xx


----------



## Hoochie

Thanks tcc I've just seen your message - yes Liverpool is not far I often go for work meetings and I've family there too.


----------



## RusskiHope

Abi, you'll be fine! I'm glad you have support! That's so important. My mum is old school and has very conservative views. God only knows what she thinks! But my dad always wanted to have grand kids that's he's so supportive.  

I've just read on Riga clinic's site that they treat women up to 49 years old! I know Stork and City Fertility clinics treat women up to 43 years old only. 

Riga clinic also has their bank albeit anonymous donors only but I'm still going for a Viking and open donor too as I want to give the choice to Viking to find out his little story. 
Also my look is more Scandinavian than Russian. 

I must put my questions together as it's only 2 weeks left till I see Dr M. And with the same list will go to Riga. I'm sure my list will get longer by then


----------



## sgee

Initial consultation at Lister today- felt so much better than the other clinic I visited- lots to take in, scary but also very empowering!
Counselling session next as well as a HSG and then I'll take it from there as to which route to go down- 1 step at a time....


----------



## Tincancat

Good to learn it went well Sgee.  I got pregnant at 41 1st attempt at IUI but miscarried then it never happened again. If your tubes are OK and AMH reasonable it might be worth a try at IUI. 
TCCX


----------



## sgee

Thanks TCC...think I agree with you, and the doc said the same...hope you're going well.
X


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## VictoryRoll

I'm a single 30 yr old who has severe endometriosis and adenomyosis and I've been told I need a hysterectomy imminently. I desperately want children, and carrying can (in some cases) help with my conditions (not always, but I'd like to try). I've seen my GP who didn't know what they could do for me. I'm seeing my gynae on the 15th but just wanted to do as much research/prepare myself as much as I can beforehand.

My GP is in the Central Manchester CCG, but my gynae is in my parent's county under Wirral CCG as that's where I started treatment, and he's a specialist in his field and gets referrals from all over the country.

I only need DI as yet. Last October was my latest laparoscopy and my gynae said all was fine with my ovaries and tubes. When we last spoke he said I should be fine with normal conception, but as a long term singleton I just need help with the sperm side of things.

Does anyone know, or know where to get info about NHS funding for pregnancy as a single woman where he pregnancy itself could be classed as a treatment?

I've tried the Manchester CCG website, the NICE publications, NHS sites, HFEA, mums net, INUK, but I'm lost in a quagmire of information that it is only partially applicable to my circumstances.  HELP! Please.


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## Tincancat

Hi Victory
Very few CCG will fund fertility treatment for singles.  Even with your medical conditions I doubt this would sway them to give you treatment.  You would have a long battle ahead of you of years rather than months to then probably never get the funding.  

You would be best finding private UK clinic who has sperm donor or importing your own from Cryostat Denmark or Xytex USA to your UK clinic.  I did this for my IUI.
Good luck 
TCC x


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## Rose39

Hi V R - I'd suggest reposting your query on the regional boards for FF as you might get a response from someone in the area who has had success generally in getting info from their CCG. Most of the single ladies on here have self funded their treatments but your CCG might be more amenable to helping given the severity of your existing gynae issues. Good luck!

Rose xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

welcome VictoryRoll and sending you some   
sounds like you are having a tough time
I'm afraid I have no idea where you could get advice and info re funding, especially as it sounds like you have already explored so many options. The harsh reality is that it can be hugely challenging to get funding for fertility tx at all, and especially for single women. It sounds like you do have a medical case but if it were me, I'd be worried about how long it would take to get a decision, get the funding in place and actually have any treatment
Hopefully your gynae can help but I'd recommend you start researching self funded IUI with donor sperm. You can import sperm from European Sperm Bank or other US banks or local clinics may have their own supply. It's not cheap but neither is it anywhere near as expensive as IVF and you would likely be able to go ahead pretty much immediately. If time is not on your side, then this may be your best option
Wishing you all the best, I do hope you find some answers re funding soon,
Suitcase
x


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## VictoryRoll

Thank you ladies, this has been very helpful! At least I'm prepared now for what I thought would be the response from the doctors. Looks like I need to start selling off some assets. Very much worth it!

Thank you again, it really helps having other people to talk to in similar circumstances, especially single women.

Xx


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## kt1985

Hi everyone. I'm new to the board, which was recommended to me by a friend who has under gone fertility treatment. I am 29 and have always wanted children. the relationship thing wasn't happening and decided to go it on my own. I spoke to my G.P who was really supportive and referred me to my local nhs / private clinic in Yorkshire. I met the consultant, with the intention of having iui. He bluntly informed me that I could not as my amh was 3. This came as quite a shock as my GP had performed the test 2 months previous and never indicated any problems. He them proceed to book all the relevant tests and was quite pushy in regards to egg sharing. I also felt he was biased against me as a single person and kept informing me that he hasn't treated a single person and it is rare for a single person to want to have a child. Anyway I had the tests and had a further consultation in which he asked me as soon as I walked into the room what I was doing, before I had test results! I found this very strange. Anyway he informed me that my only chance was ivf, egg sharing not an option (after he had been quite pushy about it at the initial consultation)and that I need to have IVF now, to have any chance of concieving (even tho my amh was better at 10). He also informed me that I should go out and sleep with men as it would be cheaper than the £6000 it would cost me at the clinic (would he have suggested this to a same sex couple?). That was the final straw for me there and I am now trying to look at other options. I am considering having treatment abroad after the poor experience I have had. The consultant really knocked my self esteem and had me doubting whether I am doing the right thing. I work with children everyday and have never imagined my life, not being a parent. Hoping for some kind words, support and advice from people in a similar situation. Any advice about single parents and treatment abroad would be greatly welcomed. I look forward to getting to know you all


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## notamuggle

Hi kt1985 and welcome to this lovely, friendly thread

I'm sorry to hear about your horrible experience with the Dr, all the Drs and staff where I am have been wonderful about it. Is gte re anyone takes you scan see locally?

I've heard some positive stories from single ladies who've had treatment abroad but I don't have any experience myself 

I really hope you find some more supportive and professional Drs soon, I'm glad your GP is helpful, does he/she have any advice?

Xxx


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## kt1985

notamuggle - thanks for the friendly welcome. I think I probably just looked out with the consultant and feel he had already made his mind up about me as I am single. The clinic is 45 minutes from me and was my nearest, recommended by my GP in fact. It felt like he only wanted me for egg sharing and when he found out I couldn't he just wanted rid. I feel in appositive frame of mind today and it really does help chatting to you lovely people on here. The next step for me is to return to the clinic tomorrow and get my notes so I can start the process of contacting abroad clinics. Hope to chat to some more of you ladies soon. x


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## RusskiHope

KT1985,

I'm Russian, living in London but my parents live in Riga. I've also scheduled my IUI consultation in Riga's clinic. 
Check Ava Riga clinic and Ava Clinic in Riga. My appointment is scheduled on the 2nd September. 
Prices are still cheaper than in the UK and compatible in other EU countries.

If you wish I could check things for you and have some initial questions on your behalf. 
And if you ever decide to go for treatment then I'll certainly help you with finding a suitable accommodation etc.

Happy to help. Let me know.

Russki


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## indekiwi

KT, welcome to the boards hun.  As for your    consultant, he needs to be reported to HFEA / other authority for sheer unprofessionalism and potential exploitation.  GRRRRRRR!!!!!  I can't shed light on having travelling tx abroad as all mine was in the UK.  However, if you wish to explore the latter any further, there are plenty of clinics in the UK that are professionally run and which will treat you with empathy and compassion.  Personally (and no I'm not a medic, just been through a lot of fertility tx to get my family), low AMH does not necessarily mean that IVF is best for you.  You are still young in fertility terms, and it may be that you have a lower reserve but good quality eggs.  IUI might therefore be a more appropriate starting point for you, particularly if you respond poorly to the stims required in medicated IVF (and by this I don't just mean adverse side effects, but only having one or two follicles generated following max stimulation, which may or may not have eggs).  I think a second (professional   ) consultation - here or abroad - is something you should actively pursue before assuming that your only way forward is potentially expensive IVF.  


Good luck!


A-Mx


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## natclare

KT, Welcome. I can't quite believe what I just read about the "go out and sleep with men it would be cheaper" comment.... please! At 29, even with low AMH, you should hopefully have a good egg each month and can't see why IUI wouldn't be worth a shot? Lots of people go to Denmark for this. I remember being encouraged to go straight to IVF as quite simply it's got a higher success rate but at 29 I would really be trying IUI for a couple of go's before moving to IVF. You can have a free telephone consultation with Serum for a second opinion (even if you don't end up going there it is worth doing). Take care and good luck x


----------



## kt1985

natclare - thanks for your response. My consultant was a unpleasant man and to be honest even if he hadn't acted the way he had I think I would have looked at treatment else where. He had a bad vibe and I didn't trust him one bit. Thanks for the advice about Denmark I shall look into this.
indekiwi - I was thinkin along the same lines but you confirmed what I was thinking. the horrible consultant said ivf was my only option but I have my doubts. Maybe its denial but I really didn't trust him when he said ivf and high level of drugs were the only way to go.
At the weekend I am going to look at contacting some clinics recommended by you lovely people so I can begin the next step. Will keep you all posted x
BTW I do thin the consultant was a bit


----------



## RusskiHope

KT1985,

I went to the Stork Klinik in Copenhagen in March and had a good experience.
Staff is very friendly and caring. Had my consultation on IUI.

Also, I recommended Riga clinics.

Hope it helps.

Good luck,

Russki


----------



## kt1985

Hi everyone. just a quick update on whats going on. So I got in contact with four different clinics this week including Dogus and Serum. Serum have been very effective and have communicated within 12 hours of each email. dogus has been 24 hours, so I am impressed with communication at this point. Dogus have recommended ivf and have given lots of information, which is brilliant. The downside to this is the expense. The package deal whilst good with what it offers is very expensive and as a single person would take a huge chunk of my savings. serum I was really impressed with, all my questions answered efficiently and a friendly manner. Serum have recommended three cycles of iui, initially as they do not see an fertility issues. I am so confused as I am hearing so many different diagnosis and they contrast with the consultant I saw in England. This has given me lots to think about and my gut is telling me that serum is the way to go. Any thought? has anyone had iui at serum before? much appreciated x


----------



## Tincancat

Hi KT 
Check how many visits needed for a cycle with Serum.  When I enquired Peny wanted me to have an.aquascan and or hysteroscope before the cycle which would have meant two trips to Athens bumping up cost.  However I do think IUI is the sensible first option for you.  Have you looked at Russki suggestion of Stork?
Good luck.
TCC x


----------



## Chrissey

Hi KT

Sorry to hear about you awful experience. You should report him. It's shocking behaviour! As a consultant he should be providng a service.  Not dishing out insults and his bigoted opinion!! 

Am not sure where you are based. I used London Woman's clinic for my IUI and they treat lots of single women and were nothing short of welcoming!
They are more pricey than overseas clinics. However, I found that with all scans etc (I did a medicated IUI. I had an AMH of 9) 
It was worth it for to me purely for the convenience and peace of mind. (I have a stressful enough job! )
I think a lot of the clinics including them do do a  discounted rate for 3 cycles (but I never chose this option. Read and confirm the small print first as you don't always get any money back if you don't use all cycles) 

Good luck!


----------



## Copperlocks

Hi Everyone,

I am a 36 year old single mum of a one year old little girl. We recently moved from New York to London for work where we involved with a great network of SMCs and I keen to meet other single mum families here in London.

Thanks!


----------



## morrigan

welcome copperlocks - there are a few people in London. if you keep an eye on boards we pts meet ups when they come up.

come and say hello in parenting section as well


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## Copperlocks

thanks for the warm welcome, and I will keep an eye out for the meet ups.


----------



## natclare

KT - Serum are a wonderful clinic, but I think you do just need to work out your costs, it is quite a long way to travel for IUI (hotels/flights) but also they do not charge for sperm if you use their own. Please note this is anonymous so your child will never be able to contact the donor (you technically cannot use ID release in Greece due to Greek law). I assume you can use ID release without any problem at Stork.

Welcome Copperlocks! there are lots of SMCs in London - you will have your network up and running again in no time. Keep an eye on the parenting thread.


----------



## kt1985

Update for everyone. Had a consultation on the phone with Penny from Greece on Monday. Such a lovely lady. she sees no problems with iui and says, "You a baby. we gonna make you a baby". she made me feel so comfortable in a 10 minute phone call, compared to the hours of consultations I had in England. She called my English consultant "silly man"   Finally feel like things are moving


----------



## Tincancat

Good luck KT pleased you are finding a way forward.
TCC x


----------



## morrigan

wise words - that's lovely - so it's all systems go !


----------



## Chrissiebessie

Hi,

I'm new here too and could do with some support and TLC  
I'm struggling with my desicions about going alone at the moment.  Mine's an unusual circumstance I have met a lovely man and we are a year and a half in but he already has teenage children and doesnt want anymore.  I know that I do want a child and can't sacrafice this for him or live with a lifetime of regret. He knows my feelings and my plans of going it alone and has stuck around for now but has been honest to say that he does'nt know if he wants young children in his life again and how he'll feel if I become pregnant.  I just don't know if I can cope with the emotional strain of IVF and donor and the relationship continuing or not.  
Any pearls of wisdom would be greatfully received


----------



## suitcase of dreams

just sending some    chrissiebessie. I have no real words of wisdom having not been in your situation
fertility tx is stressful and I can understand how you wouldn't want to embark on it not knowing where you stand regarding your other half
that said, if you know that you want a child, I say go for it, even all the stress and strain has to be better than a "lifetime of regret", no?
best of luck,
Suitcase
x


----------



## RusskiHope

Chrissiebessie, I'm sending you big    too.

I guess I was in your position last year when I got engaged to this lovely man ( so I thought) but he ended up our engagement abruptly. And I guess because he didn't to have young children in his life anymore. He's got a 21 year old daughter. And couldn't see himself with a young baby running around when he's already 48 years old. And I also think because he had a vasectomy 12 years ago he was scared to reverse it and ending up shooting the blanks. And I always told him that I'd choose a SMC route if it came to it. Guess, I did him a favour that way and he dumped me thinking I'll be ok either way. And he didn't want to spiral into depression if he shot the blanks. 

Russki


----------



## Chrissiebessie

Thanks for the hugs and support Ruski and suitcase,

It's so reassuring not to feel like you're the only one in the world going through a situation.  I'm definately going for IVF, as you say not worth the regret .  I guess the current question in my mind is whether I stick with him for now or risk getting dumped if I get preggers.


----------



## RusskiHope

May I ask why you're going for IVF first? 

Also wondering why you're taking that risk and not breaking up before in order to save all that stress. But I guess one has to consider feelings etc

it's not easy, Chrissie, I know how you feel


----------



## Chrissiebessie

I'm soon to be 40 so I guess IVF and donor is my best option, I only have enough money for one shot so want to increase my chances as much as possible.

I guess I'm staying with him in the hope that he'll stay preggers or not but on the otherhand  feel it might be simpler emotionally on my own


----------



## RusskiHope

Are you getting it done in the UK or abroad?

as for your man, it's only you can who can decide about him. We all can give you our opinion but your heart will know better than any of us put together. Or your mind if you decide to listen to your head.


----------



## Chrissiebessie

I Know you're right heart or head ...never an easy one.

I have my first consulation as ARGC in London at the beginning of sept

xx


----------



## Flutter74

Chrissiebessie..... i have just been reading your thread. i may the same decision to go alone as i was meeting men that pretended they wanted the Same but deep down didn't. However who can blame them when they have done it before......Do what right for you! 

We are all here 

f xxxx


----------



## natclare

Chrissiebessie, My heart goes out to you it really does. I was in an almost identical situation to you. My partner was almost 20 years older than me, with a vasectomy and teenage children who he didn't see (absolutely not his choice). We got together when I was 30 and were together 4 years and this was always with the understanding that we would have children somehow (I know... clearly I am a glass half full person to casually gloss over a few things staring me right in the face) if that was what I really wanted. I started talking about it in earnest at 32; I had always assumed I'd be needing IVF anyway with the vasectomy and started looking into egg freezing, joined FF and met some of the wonderful SMCs on here. Eventually he confessed he just couldn't do it again, he had been to hell and back wrestling with the decision especially with knowing that it was a really big deal to me. We then spent the best part of a year with me saying one thing (that I loved this man so much I would give up the dream of having children) and doing another entirely (I had two cycles to freeze eggs whilst we were together). It was terrible as we loved each other so much but ultimately we separated when I was 34. I can't in all honesty tell you I am happy all the time as I really, really wish for a partner who is as amazing as he was and I loathe being single but in the 2 years I have been on my own I have achieved a lot with my job, bought a two bedroom place and have had more cycles to freeze embryos. I am basically still in the Last Chance Saloon and determined I will give finding a partner every last shot I have but also I will turn to SMC when all else fails and I like to think the insurance policy is half decent spread as it is across 2 countries (and, by the way, cost a fortune... you won't stop at one believe me). My main message to you is you must not live with regrets and accept that the most likely outcome of this is that you will separate. You also do need to consider his perspective too. My ex is now married to an older lady and is pursuing his life without young children and enjoying his life, he seems happy. I know from deep personal experience how hard, emotional, and heart rending that it but also you will come out the other end knowing that you made the right decision. I wish you every best wish because believe me when I say I know exactly what you are going through xxx


----------



## janieliz

Hi,
I am single woman aged 36 who is looking to go down the IUI/IVF with donor sperm route. I am booked into the London Women's Clinic in Darlington to talk through my options and was wondering if anyone had been to this clinic before and whether they would recommend it? I have been advised in the first instance that IVF would probably be better for me due to my age, but then reading the IVF statistics for my age, that doesn't sound that great either! I would appreciate any advise etc.

Thanks
J


----------



## RusskiHope

Janeliz, I went to the City Clinic in London and was told to try to IUI first (up to 7 times) and use IVF as the last resort. I'm 38 years old.

Russki


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome chrissiebessie and janieliz, big hugs to both of you and good luck with your treatment xxx


----------



## RusskiHope

Notamuggle, 

Sorry to hear about your unsuccessful IUIs and miscarriages. Sending big  

Are you planning another IUI? or IVF? 

Russki


----------



## janieliz

Thanks for the reply, wow, IUI seven times - thats quite a lot! What you decided to do? I am limited to funds, so not sure I could do it that many times.

J


----------



## RusskiHope

When I went to Stork Klinik in Copenhagen, the Doc suggested 5-6 IUIs before moving to anything else. 

Dr M at the City Clinic suggested IUIs and only use IVF as very last resort. 

I also have IUI consultation at the Riga clinic in September, see what they suggest. 

Thankfully I have enough funds to cover IUIs and IVFs and whatever else needed. 

I haven't decided for my first IUI yet although I got a plan writted at the City Clinic. But as I keep working away in Iraq 5 weeks at a time and constantly on the move, I still can't decide for December treatment yet.


----------



## Tincancat

Janieliz, ChrissieBessie and  Russki - I had IUI when I was 41 and had BFP first time but I MC and after 5 more IUI tries I gave up after I discovered AMH was only 1.9 .  IVF supposedly give me best chance to choose a good embryo but each time I only produced one or two so in reality no more advantage than IUI!  These few embryos were good but IVF kept failing too and discovered along the way I had high eNK.  Eventually I moved to DE for my final try and this worked with intralipid and steroids. IUI is certainly worth a try providing you have had a HSG to show tubes are clear.  GP might be able to get you a HSG on NHS.

Not a Muggle - I would think about using intralipid and prednisolone seeing as you too seem to have an implantation problem like me.  I was not sure it was my age or the eNK cells.  I got chemical with OE, intralipid and steroid.  Only combination I had not tried was DE and that finally worked so in the end by the time I had worked everything out I had gotten too old for OE.  Even with DE I had 4 put back and 2 implanted so eNK I believe were playing a part.  Certainly worth checking if you could do cycle with intralipid and steroids.
TCCx


----------



## janieliz

Hi,

I was wondering whether I could ask some advice. I just had my AMH levels back that i had taken in February, kind of put off getting the results back and they have come back at 6.99. Having looked online, it all looks pretty bleak. I am 36 and was wondering if this is too low for IVF to be successful?

Thanks
J


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Janieliz
That doesn't sound bad to me but I'm no expert!  AMH needs considering alongside Antral Follicle Count rather than in isolation.  Have you had an AFC? 
TCCx


----------



## janieliz

Thanks for reply. No I had the AMH done at the time when I had a fertility MOT but I was on the pill at the time - they also scanned my ovaries but couldn't find my left one - I do have one, but couldn't see it. They did the AMH in isolation. Sorry for my lack of knowledge but is the AFC what they measure on the scan?

Thanks
Jane


----------



## Tincancat

Yes Antral Follicle Count (AFC)  is what they measure on scan.  If that's Ok then IUI with a good clinic should be fine for you if you have had a clear HSG or HyCosy to check your tubes are open.
TCC x


----------



## janieliz

Thanks for reply. I can't remember what they said at the scan but they could only see 1 ovary and I was also taking the pill at the time - which apparently means my ovaries were 'sleepy'.
The clinic have advised IVF as IUI is less reliable, and I spoke to a lovely lady at my new clinic who reassured me my AMH were normal for my age, still panicking though!


----------



## Tincancat

Going it alone is scary!  As I said in a previous post IVF might give you more embryos to choose the best one from and could well give a better chance.  However it is costly and involves quite invasive procedure with exposure to high hormone levels.  IUI is far cheaper so you would be able to try several times and with a good clinic it could well be the best way forward for you.  I got pregnant at 41 with IUI but probably because of my age I miscarried: approx 50% miscarriage rate for over 40 years old.  I switched to IVF thinking better chance but only got chemical pregnancy and lots of BFN so no better than IUI  before switching to DE IVF for the boys I'm now carrying.
TCCx


----------



## janieliz

Thanks and congratulations on your boys!

Yes, it is quite scary going it alone, there is so much conflicting information as well! I prefer the idea of IUI in all honesty, I get really bad PMT so I could be pretty sensitive to the IVF drugs. I guess I will have to wait and see what they say at my first appointment. Wish it would hurry up!!


----------



## RusskiHope

Janieliz, when is your appointment at Darlington? 

I've got my IUI consultation in Riga in September, just checked their website and they merged with another facility and now they are called IVF Riga. Hmmm, interesting. 

I'll squeeze as much info out of them as I can possible can! Oh and my father is very much involved in my SMC route and gives me his full support. Mum has no clue, on the other hand.

I shall share info with all ladies on here.

Russki


----------



## janieliz

My appointment is next Friday, feels like an eternity! I think I am going to opt for IVF as I have limited funds and think this is the best course of action. Have been reading - hard to find, but my AMH is normal for someone of my age and that being on the pill can affect the score as well. I previously took the pill for my really bad PMT. Anyway, I guess I will wait and see what the consultant says. I have heard really good things about the clinic so fingers crossed!!


----------



## natclare

Janieliz - I wouldn't worry too much about the AMH. If it's any consolation mine is much worse - last time we measured it was about one and a half years ago and it really depressed me. It was three point eight. But I still got a reasonable number of eggs at IVF (eight, four, seven) and of course if I were to try naturally I definitely have one every month! I would not purport to be an expert but also at 36 your egg quality should still be good so even if there are not so many of them, the quality right now is good. I hope that helps. x


----------



## janieliz

Hi,
Thanks for your reply, really helpful and re-assuring. How have you find the the process so far? 

Thanks
J x


----------



## indekiwi

Sharry, could we please make this thread a sticky again?  


A-Mx


----------



## sgee

Hi Ladies
I am 40 years old, and decided to go it alone after a painful break up at the very start of this year, when my ex decided he didn't want more kids (he already had a lovely 7 year old from a previous relationship). At the time I was devastated but wasn't prepared to deny myself the opportunity to at least try to have a family.
8 months later I have been to a few open days, joined some support groups (including this lovely one!), had 2 assessments at different fertility clinics, a load of tests, scans and although my test results don't look that good I have decided to commence treatment. 
Having made the decision I am both truly excited and the most scared I have been in the process so far. 
I would love to meet a lovely lady/ ladies who also decided to go it alone to know what it's really like through the treatment process, pregnancy and motherhood as a prospective SMC.
I'm in the Clapham area so if anyone is happy to, would love to meet for a coffee/ chat- I have a few questions, but other than that I am all ears and just want to prepare myself as best I can before I commence treatment.
Thanks in advance ladies
Sgee x


----------



## notamuggle

Morning!

This is just a flying visit to welcome the new ladies and for a quick group hug!

Big hugs xxx


----------



## RusskiHope

Sgee, 

I also would love to meet prospective SMCs as it's nice to talk in person. I've also joined DC Network and receive Welcome packs, bulletins etc and contact names for SMC etc I'll bring the papers with me. 

I'm back in London on the 23rd August and could meet any time of the day. Let me know what suits. 

Russki


----------



## indekiwi

Sgee, the contact list that RusskiSoloist has is a really good one for talking to people who have already started or gone through the process (I'm on the list myself.   ).  Unfortunately, you can't add attachments to PMs on FF as otherwise I'd simply send it to you, and nor am I local to you.  There are a number of SMCs in West London who rarely if ever post on FF now - let me see if I can rustle up one or two to come and say hello.   


A-Mx


----------



## natclare

Hello Sgee, I just sent you a PM x


----------



## sgee

Thanks A-M and Natclare- really appreciate your responses as it's safe to say I excited on the one hand and bricking it on the other. My GP has been amazingly supportive and suggested I try and meet some people who've been there. I'm pretty central and happy to get to most places in and around London or Surrey!

Natclare- thanks lots- I'll mail you back

Sgee x


----------



## poppyseed1

Hello Fellow singles .. I'm a bit lost on fertility friends to be honest , but finding my way about much better now  

I do get lost on threads, as each time I look - another 10 pages have been added.  so , so far feel out of all the threads I'm on. :-/ 
However my mission is to check in each eve and keep up on one thread ! - this one  

So I hope you don't mind me joining you. 

I've one son who is 7 yrs old and I'm currently 6weeks preg awaiting my 7 week scan which will be at 8weeks as I'm away nxt week !! 

Look forward to getting to know you all and sharing your journeys 

<3


----------



## poppyseed1

@A-M / @indekiwi I found it !


----------



## leeloupix

Hi could I join you all? I am new to being single  and currently 33 weeks pregnant! I have a lovely little boy who is  9 years old and an amazing little girls who is 7 years old.  They were all created using the same anonymous donor at Oxford Fertility unit.  Not sure how I am going to do this all on my own but I am going to be positive.  Would be great to chat and talk to others doing this alone. 
Charley xxx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Charley 
I'm impressed you are on to your third. I'm terrified of coping with twin boys on my own! I'm only just getting used of the idea they might make it now that I'm almost at a viable gestation.  
Are you in Oxford? 

Hello Poppyseed hope your scan goes well.

TCC x


----------



## indekiwi

Poppyseed1, well done you!  Once you find where the singles board is, it's relatively easy to pop between the singles TTC sub-board and the bumps, babes and beyond sub-board - where there is a waiting for first scan thread…..Morri and Flutter have posted there recently.   


Charley, welcome to the singles board!  I've got an 8 1/2 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old, with all three conceived with anonymous DS (but not at OFU).  I'm sure you'll find your older two a real help once your baby arrives.   


Any other newbies lurking out there, just waiting to post their first introduction…?   


A-Mx


----------



## poppyseed1

Hi Charlie and welcome .. 
You'l be amazing and 2 big children can help with the baby  

Hi to everyone else too. X 

Been a busy day here only just got online - lovely to see just one new page not 10 on this this thread... Much easier to keep up


----------



## little-cat

Hello Ladies,

I'm new here. 29 years old, divorced, but longing for a baby. I've always wanted a family and I finally feel that I might be at a place in my life to make it happen. I'm dating someone -we've been together just under a year- but to be honest, I'm not sure I can see a future. I think when we got together and he told me he was keen to have kids (he's almost 10 years older than me, never married, no children) I let myself be swept up in it- but when I've talked to him about the possibility more recently, he's backtracked a bit. There are various reasons for this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he's very wary of commitment and I could be waiting a long long time for the baby I so desperately want. I also think that with him I'm perhaps just "making do" because of my desire to have a family- that I don't actually like him enough, which of course isn't fair to him- he deserves better (and so do I).

Before I make a final decision, I've contacted my local CARE clinic for a consultation. I really like the idea of IVF with egg sharing, as it's affordable as well as being a good thing to do. I filled in their self-referral form at the weekend and I've not heard back yet. Any clue how long they take?

Sorry for the essay. I've had a lot on my mind recently and I feel the need to express it all in a safe space!

-littlecat


----------



## GreenQueen

Hi - I'm new so can i join you here please,

I'm single, nearly 39, divorced, and just been through a heartbreak and so decided to put myself first as I've wanted a baby for around 10 years now! So (very nearly) taking the plunge and going for first IVF with a donor. My initial scans/tests etc all look ok for my age, but time is marching on towards the big 4-0!  Feel it is the right thing to do, but am really quite terrified too. 

Littlecat - you prompted me to write as I thought my DP was the one, but then he too got scared of the commitment and backed right off and ended it hence the heartbreak. Like me, you've already survived a divorce so take a bit more time to see what your real feelings are maybe - hopefully you'll then feel able to come to the right decision    

Take care,
Queenie


----------



## RusskiHope

Welcome ladies,

Queenie, like yourself, I'm absolutely petrified hence not sure if I'll be going ahead with my first IUI in December. 
My results were good too and yet petrified of taking the plunge. Talking to the ladies on here who are in the same boat helps a lot.

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Queenie and Little cat

I limped along after loss of my first boys, then divorce, wanting a baby hoping I would meet someone else or the feelings would wane.  The feelings never did, I never met anyone else and I had really left it too late so after many failed cycles had to go down DE route to find success.  Go for it ladies have no regrets!

Russki I'm petrified and there is no going back for me now  

TCC x


----------



## little-cat

Thanks Tincancat, Russki, and others. My divorce happened about 2 years ago now, and it honestly broke my heart. I haven't been the same since. But I've always known deeply that I've wanted kids, and the more time that passes, the more the feeling grows. Like you, I'm scared of going it alone -such a big step- but I think I can do it. At 29 I hope I still have years left to meet a man- but if I don't, that will be sad, but not the end of the world. If I don't have children however I know I'll really feel I've missed out massively.


----------



## GreenQueen

Thanks for the support Russki - perhaps being terrified is all just part of the deal...? 

TCC - I am sorry for your losses  . You then sum up exactly how I feel in just a few sentences! Can I cheekily ask how young/old (ish) you might be, as I'm really feeling the looming pressure of the big 4-0 and would love to rewind to 29 again and do it differently.  But I can't, so am moving towards taking the plunge as you only get one life to live. Was so happy to read of your BFP and twins - omg how exciting  Thanks for all your positivity too!

Littlecat, a trip to a clinic might also help to answer some of your questions.  I felt a lot better after mine in that I knew a bit more about my chances etc (ok, but not much time to waste!!) and therefore felt better about the options open to me. 

It is really nice to get some genuine support, so thanks ladies for it x

Queenie


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Queenie
Since last month I'm nearer to 50 than 40!  I started trying again at 40.  I used some eggs I had frozen at the age of 34 as well as some fresh cycles before discovering I had high endometrial NK cells needing treatment with prednisolone and intralipids to  subsequently get a chemical pregnancy and finally changed to DE to have true success with the boys I am carrying now.  Even with these two monkeys I had 4 embies transferred and only 2 took so I think my failures were a combination of poor egg quality plus immune NK cell problems.  I do wish I had gone abroad long before: half the price and double the success even for OE cycles.
TCC x


----------



## Flutter74

queenie 

hope you don't mind me jumping in here but i am now 40 & had et two days after my birthday. its scary but i made the leap. was now or never! 

like all the ladies we all want our happily ever after but noy as easy as a fairytale. 

tcc......congrats on the twins. v exciting but i can imagine your nervous about being a mum of two little ones

xx


----------



## GreenQueen

Thanks for your honesty TCC - so good things do come to those who wait.

Hi Flutter - wise words are always welcome and lovely to hear from others going it alone at 40. Was your BFP from your first cycle? Brilliant result if so!

I'm off to clinic tomorrow - for next appt. Ok this is getting scarily real now  

 to everyone 

Queenie


----------



## Flutter74

Queenie 

yes i was v v lucky to achieve a bfp first time. 

good luck tomorrow. you will feel more empowered once you been . girl power  . 

xxxx


----------



## RusskiHope

I'm reading more and more about ladies opting for IVFs straight away whereas I was recommended 6-7 IUIs first.

Hmmmmm

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

my ovarian levels was 0.6 so v low. 
wish i could of tried other routes. not easy using donor eggs. im v grateful that i had the gift tho! 

How are you ? X


----------



## GreenQueen

Congrats Flutter, that is such a positive tale you can tell. I will take hope onwards 

Queenie


----------



## Flutter74

Please do. believe me if i can do this. you sure can. 

let us know how ya get on at your app 

xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Ok, Flutter, I understand now.

I also have a consultation at the Riga clinic in a couple of weeks. I wonder what they would suggest looking at my test results which I did at the City clinic in London. 
Then I have to make a depiction about my first IUI. Then to choose an open or anonymous donor. And I think if I get the procedure done in the UK it has to be an open donor? I've read so much about it and now I'm confused but I know on Riga is only anonymous, in Denmark one has a choice. And in the UK is open only? 

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

donor is anonymous until child 18yr. then he/she can choose if they want info about the donor. its a v personal decision. 
i had treatment in the UK & used double donor. hopefully i have made the right decision. 

Are you having a short break in riga too. apparently its lovely ?!? 

Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Yes, I can't decide about anonymous or open donor yet. Hmmm

As for Riga, we moved there from Russia when I was 9. So my family lives there and yes, it's lovely and fertility treatments are much cheaper than in the UK and compatible around Europe.

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

I agree with the cost off UK. my treatment was expensive. sadly i have no frostie so cannot see me doing it again. 

great that you can combine seeing family whilst in riga too

x


----------



## RusskiHope

Thankfully I'm financially secure for whatever treatment I might have. 

Queenside, how did it go today? 

Russki


----------



## GreenQueen

Hi All

Appt went well, but then AF has come early making the timings too short for this cycle I think  

Q


----------



## GreenQueen

Hi all, 

Apparently there's some hope that I can still go ahead for this cycle, so I'm moving over to Aug/Sept cycle buddies.  Thanks to all for your support and wishing you  

Queenie


----------



## Tincancat

Good luck Queenie


----------



## Flutter74

Good luck queenie x


----------



## Chrissiebessie

Hello Single friends,

I'm pretty new to this and about to start my journey, but am struggling to pick a clinic and work out the costs involved.  I had a consultation at the ARGC this week and left feeling very teary, shocked at the averege cost that they quoted me £10,000 - £15,000) and overwhelmed by the amount of information and how impersonal the doctor was to any questions that I had.  So I have a few newbie questions I would really appreciate any guidance you can give me.

Most clinics state on their websites that the cost of IVF is around £3300.  I've noticed that this doesn't include the drugs...is their anyway of estimating a cost on this?  Anyway to reduce costs?
I've been put off by ARGC (and don't have a budget of £10k -£15!!)  Can anyone recommend a clinic that has good customer service and reasonable costs.  I was thinking of trying the London Women's Clinic as they seem to specialize in single ladies.
Time off work...I am concerned at how I'll manage this as I don't want to inform my boss.  How much time is realistically needed to take off as holiday?
I've read a lot about the side effects...headaches and stuff...I'm worried about how I'll cope with a demanding job.

Any advice is much appreciated
Thank you ladies in advance

Me
39 knocking on 40
No none infertility issues
Limited budget


----------



## suitcase of dreams

welcome Chrissiebessie 
ARGC is probably the most expensive UK clinic there is so don't be too put off by their costs. In return for the level of expense, they are also one of the most thorough. This is good in that they have good success rates, but can be very challenging in terms of timing as they will expect you to be pretty much at their beck and call for the entire stimming period (ca 2 weeks) - for blood tests etc so they can tailor the meds on an almost daily basis. 
Re cost of meds - very hard to estimate as depends what protocol you follow and what dosage you need. Shop around as some pharmacies are cheaper than others and if you don't have to get meds from your clinic, you may find them cheaper elsewhere. 
One way to reduce costs is to go abroad. Countries like Greece, Ukraine, Cyrpus can work out cheaper than UK even with travel/accommodation costs included. Two big 'buts' to be aware of though: 1. all donor sperm abroad is anonymous. If you want an ID release donor (ie child can trace at 1, then you need to stay in the UK. 2. you'd need to take 2 weeks holiday to have tx abroad (can be a positive but if it's tricky for you to get time off work this may not work out so well for you)
As a very rough average, if you are intending to have tx in London, I don't think you'll get away with much less than £5-6k for everything (the IVF itself, the sperm, the meds etc) - but it has been a while since I had tx so I may be a bit 'off' with that - hopefully some of our more recent tx'ers will be along soon to help out with their experiences
Personally I don't recommend LWC. I was not impressed with their customer service and I found they have a very 'one size fits all' approach. However, it's fair to say that the last time I had tx there was 4 yrs ago and things may have changed significantly since then. And I know others who rate them very highly. So don't let me put you off. Worth going to one of their Inseminars and potentially having a consultation (reduced price if you go to the seminar) - then you can make up your own mind
CRM in London has a good reputation. Lister also recommended. 
Strictly speaking you don't need to take any lengthy time off work apart from 1 day for egg collection and half a day for embryo transfer. Plus a few 1-2 hr slots for scans etc whilst stimming.  However, it can be very stressful juggling clinic appointments with work, especially if you are not telling your boss about it. And timings can change at the last minute (I once had to invent a last minute migraine and cancel a work trip to Amsterdam because clinic brought my egg collection forward by a day) so that's something to bear in mind. If you want to work whilst stimming, best to choose a clinic as close as possible to work. Then you can hopefully pop out for scans etc in your lunch break. 
I never took any extended time off during my tx and I didn't tell work about my IVF so it is do-able, but be prepared for some stresses and last minute time changes!
re side effects, it's a long time ago now but I really don't remember finding the physical side of things much of an issue, it was more the emotional stress and the logistics of it all that made it hard with a demanding job. 
hope this has helped. there are some London singlies who meet quite regularly and are at various stages of the ttc journey - check the meet up thread on here as it may really help you to meet face to face with folks who are going through the same experiences or have been through them very recently  
all the very best with it,
Suitcase
x


----------



## Chrissiebessie

Suitcase ...thank you so much for your advice, I feel like I can breathe again ..ARGC just basically frightened and panicked me.  I think open days are a good way to go to get a feel for the different clinics.  Even that alone feels like a big decision
I really appreciate everything you said and will certainly look in to the London Singles meet ups! 
So glad your journey had a happy ending

xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

no worries 
starting with ARGC you started at the most 'serious' end of things. ARGC definitely have good success rates and they tailor every protocol very personally. there's a lot of great things about them
but they are expensive and intensive and may not be right for everyone
even though it was some time ago now, I remember only too well how overwhelming it all felt at the beginning
but there's lots of lovely singlies here to help you along the way, so keep posting, and hopefully you'll also get to meet some people face to face soon 
suitcase
x


----------



## sgee

Welcome Chrissiebessie
I'm pretty new too... Spent most of this year researching and about to start treatment this month.
Agree with Suitcase re going to one of the LWC seminars as a starting point, plus they have some good support facilities run by one of the ladies who works there, and it's an opportunity to meet others- plus it's free.
Talk to your doc re the tests you need- mine did all of mine, including AMH which some clinics insist on, for free- they don't all but it's worth asking.
I had assessments with 2 clinics in London- LWC and Lister. I chose to go with Lister as I felt more comfortable there plus its a better location for me work wise- where are you based?
I do think its a really personal choice and you will know feels best for you. Abroad was just too difficult for me, although many people I have met rave about Serum in Greece (I think!)
Hope that helps.... And wishing you the very best of luck on your journey
S x


----------



## RusskiHope

Chrissie,
I've just been to IVF Riga clinic and their prices are cheaper than Ive seen around.

I've met with Dr V who is friendly and understanding. She explained every test in such a great detail. I'm definitely drawn towards her and their clinic. IVF is around 2300-2400 Euros at their clinic, the price includes medication, doctors support, procedure itself and donor sperm. 
Then she told me about ICSI which will cost around 2700-2900 Euros and again includes the same items as for IVF. 
One will need around 2 weeks for IVF.

If you ever decide to come to Riga for IVF, I'll be more than happy to help you out with accommodation etc will take you to the clinic etc 

Russki


----------



## HelpLorna

Hello - I just posted on the general forum but perhaps this was the wrong spot?!  I am embarking on hopeful solo Motherhood.  I have recently moved to South Devon, loving being in the countryside and being near my parents but struggling with fewer clinic options and support network.  Does anyone have any advice on the Exeter clinic as a solo Mum? I have low AMH and a reduced ovarian reserve and haven't decided yet whether to try stimulated IUI or go straight for IVF.  Any advice/support much appreciated!  Thank you x


----------



## sgee

Hi Lorna- similar story to mine except I am older! I spilt from my bf early this year, be been investigating since and now going solo- also did my tests at lister. I can't help with Exeter clinic, but hopefully someone on here has and can help. Good luck
Sgee x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Lorna, welcome 
I don't think we've (m)any singlies in your area - there are a few in Bristol/Somerset but I don't think there is anyone in South Devon - might be worth posting on the general Devon board to get clinic related info/reviews?
best of luck with it all,
suitcase
x


----------



## HelpLorna

Thank you suitcase and sgee for replying - I will certainly look on the regional stuff.  May also end up going abroad for treatment and then would be more for regional/web support after treatment...

Thank you xx


----------



## RusskiHope

HelpLorna, if you ever decide for your treatments abroad I'd more than happy to help you with the IVF Riga clinic. The prices are much cheaper and success rate with IVF/ICSI is high. 

Russki


----------



## speedybike

Hi all,

I have been lurking for a few weeks trying to get the courage to post.
I am 33 and have just had my first consultation/bloods/scans and am trying to decide what to do next.

I have a boyfriend of 7 years who has 3 kids already, and had always said he would happily have more with me. But over the last year or so as I have got keener and keener to get started he has got more and more reluctant and has now said that he doesn't want any more kids after all. We haven't quite finally split up yet - but I don't see how we can stay together, so the inevitable break up is probably going to need to happen quite soon.

I have the added complication of having had chemotherapy in my early 20s which may have damaged my ovaries and make it slightly trickier to conceive (although ultrasound scan this week apparently didn't look too bad). 

The clinic I went to this week were pleasant, but I felt quite "judged" as a single woman and the doctor just kept asking if I had really thought about how hard it is to be a single mum (I have spent hours and hours thinking about nothing else!!!) so I think I might try a different clinic as I really want to feel comfortable and not looked down on. Also they were suggesting 6 cycles IUI before letting me go to IVF which I'm not sure will be the best plan for me. Considering having a bit more counselling before I take the final steps too.

The stories I have been reading on here have been so helpful and have helped me feel less alone - so thank you all!
Best wishes to all,
S


----------



## indekiwi

Welcome HelpLorna, ChrissieBessie and Speedybike!  HelpLorna, I think we may have been in contact off FF and may get to meet soon. . ChrissieBessie, try CRM - may not be the cheapest around but IMHO they offer a great service, don't treat you like a number, have good success rates (the embryologist team is second to none) and the clinic itself is always very calm and peaceful. Speedy, it took me months, not weeks, to get up sufficient courage to post the first time, so well done you. . I'm so sorry to read about your partner's change of heart. :-(. Not sure where you are based but certainly if you are getting that type of response from the consultant, it's not too encouraging. At your age, and so long as your ovaries aren't damaged and your tubes are clear, I think their idea of trying IUI for 3 - 6 goes actually has a lot of merit. Far less intrusive and costly and the likelihood of success fairly good given your age. Still, good to seek a couple of professional opinions - good luck with your deliberations. 

A-Mx


----------



## BroodyChick

Welcome Speedybike!
I have a friend in a similar situation, with the added complication she's now over 40 but her boyfriend also doesn't want more kids.
She did egg freezing and has now moved on to IVF.
You may well end up staying together, but won't your boyfriend come to counselling to weigh up the pros and cons of bringing up a step child?

I am recently single again after my partner (who has kids, wanted more and was unable to father them) walked out on me and my donor conceived baby...

Blokes come and go, it's a shame your man wasted 7 years of your life in this way but don't let him waste any more. Take action and perhaps he will make a good step dad, I am hoping for you!!

Also, a story to cheer you up - my cousin had chemo and ended up with two beautiful naturally conceived children. You have every hope for a happy ending sweetie xx

P.S> I wouldn't give my money to a clinic who pass comments or judgement, it's none of their business! How cheeky. Or are you doing egg sharing? In any case you should go with a place that makes you feel welcome and comfortable. You may stay with your guy, meet Mr Right tomorrow or go through IVF as a couple only for your OH to get hit by a bus so nobody knows how life will turn out and they shouldn't try to give such unprofessional 'advice'!


----------



## HelpLorna

Hey A-M - it is me indeed!  I will reply to your kind email too.  And welcome Speedybike - however awful it feels now, it will feel better in time.  Hopeless advice when you feel terrible but I am just starting to be able to look back now without wincing, crying, gut-wrenching - and the rest - and it will only get easier.  So hang on in there!  AND definitely don't use a clinic that made you feel judged - there are some wonderful kind people out there who give off good vibes - go and find them!

All the best and lots of love xx


----------



## natclare

Welcome to Chrissiebessie, Speedybike and Helplorna! Chrissiebessie - Suitcase laid it out very well. Re costs I wrote down everything I spent at the Lister and for one cycle it came to £8k (bear in mind I had some freezing and bought 4 vials of sperm from America). The Lister also offer a free counselling service which may well help. I too am not a great fan of LWC customer service but would encourage you to go to their free open days. I still rave about Serum (sorry to keep banging on about it) and the anon donor thing can be circumvented there so don't let that put you off. You can also have a free consult on the phone with Serum - always worth doing something that is free advice seeing as you pay so much for it everywhere else. Wishing you all the best of luck. With regard to Devon, look on the regional boards and although you may not meet so many single ladies I am sure the couples would be welcoming also. Good luck x


----------



## speedybike

Thank you all for your replies! It really has been so helpful to hear of others in similar circumstances. For now I'm going to have some counselling whilst I wait for results of AMH, HSG etc and then reassess in a month or two and decide where and when I want to go ahead. 
Thanks for the reassurance re IUI vs IVF indekiwi, it's nice to hear others perspective on it.

Broody chick - sorry to hear about your bloke. I did feel like asking the woman at the fertility clinic how she knew that all the couples she treated were going to stay together in a perfect family unit, but didn't quite work up the nerve! And am glad your cousin did well post chemo. My cancer doctor is pretty hopeful that the drugs I had shouldn't have had too much of an impact - so am trying not to worry too much, but equally don't want to risk problems by leaving it too late.

HopeLorna - have you decided on a clinic yet?

Good luck to all currently having treatment!
Sx


----------



## Fraggles

Hi Chrissiebessie, Speedybike and Helplorna! Chrissiebessie

Good luck on your journeys. I have been treated at Reprofit in Cz Republic and Serum in Athens. I highly recommend both.

I did look at having treatment in the UK after my son was born and was left feeling underwhelmed by the lack of care and service. Although I recognise that some will have had great service so one suggestion is go by recommendation or contact the clinics which make your short list and see which one makes you feel comfortable and gives you confidence.

Lots of love

F x

P.S Hope you can make one of the meet ups either in London or there is one in Banbury soon.


----------



## Izzyblue

Hi everyone  
I've been mainly hanging out with the 2ww crowd since ET.  I can honestly say that I think I'm going up the wall (only a semi lol because i may actually just combust!) - got my BFP and a beta of 45 yesterday, but bleeding heavily and I can't see how this can be a good outcome.. Have noted that it depends on which part of the site that I read other people's experiences as to whether I'm filled with hope or dispair... Second beta on Monday to compare. 
Doing this solo has been harder than I had even anticipated....I think I like my clinic - my doc couldn't be more negative if he tried but think that's his general persona and isn't about me or my insides! but the nurse is lovely. During the injection stage, it felt a bit lonely when I realised that a couple of my friends who had done IVF had done everything as a couple - guy did the injections, both at the blood tests etc.  I was quite happy strutting along until the doc started making some negative grunts and then made sure a friend was there for support!!  I think the hard bit is nobody to share fears of the future (or excitement for what's to come).  I have some fab friends and family.... But they aren't actually on the merry go round with me.... Just cheering me on from the side.  And that's great.... But I'm on my Todd.....  (However at least I know I've got top quality swimmers lol)

Anyway,... Just wanted to say hi. Hope everyone ok this weekend x


----------



## indekiwi

Hi Izzyblue, and welcome!  I'm so sorry to see in your signature that you have miscarried.    I hope friends and family are rallying around for you.   

Your consultant sounds like a right charmer.    I agree, doing everything on your own some times feels a bit lonely, particularly the first time around when you 're grappling with lots of new stuff, terminology and of course the self injecting.    Once you meet a few other people in the SMC community you will hopefully get support from people who understand exactly what is going on and how you might be feeling.   


A-Mx


----------



## Izzyblue

Thank you xx  

Taking time to recoup and get back to being grounded again. Not an easy journey


----------



## indekiwi

Izzyblue, not an easy journey at all.  Thinking of you.


----------



## RusskiHope

Hi Izzyblue, have read your blog from the start and I'm really sorry you've miscarried. It's not an easy journey and I do hope you've got all support you need right now. Sending you big hugs. 

Russki x


----------



## GreenQueen

Evening all, 

Quick question - has anyone had a scratch?  Just wondered what the benefits/risks are??

Not sure where this topic might come up on all the threads...

Big thank you,
Q


----------



## Izzyblue

Thanks russki and indekiwi x


----------



## Tincancat

Sorry to learn of your miscarriage Izzy. It's a tough journey on your own.

Green Queen.  I had a scratch and got pregnant with my twin boys born Friday last week.  From what I understand the risks are small and the benefit far greater.  For a bit of discomfort I say go for it.
TCCx


----------



## RusskiHope

TCC, just saw your message about giving birth! Congratulations to you and the little ones! Hope all is well?   

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Yes Russki going better than expected.  If you put 28 weeks into search box you will come across my thread which tells how my.story has unfolded.  Sorry can't cut and paste the thread address as I'm on my phone.
TCCx


----------



## RusskiHope

Found it! will read it now. Not much to do here as it's still the Eid week here. 

As for my little update, selected 7 open donors from DK.Cryo yesterday and read their profiles while walking around the park in Iraq! haha what a story to tell to my future Viking baby (or king ;-) ) But none of them grabbed my attention. So I'm on the plan B with Europeanspermbank. And I've selected 11 profiles to read through. I'm planning to go to the pool on Friday/Saturday, that reading would definitely get me busy! haha 

Sending you big hugs
Russki xx


----------



## GreenQueen

TCC - CONGRATULATIONS! How exciting that both your babies have arrived safely into this world. That is brilliant news!  Hoping you get loads of cuddles


----------



## leoaimee

Hi everyone - my name is aimee - i used FF loads when i was conceiving my daughter and for the first couple of years of her life.  I am now a doula and have a single by choice client.  is it still free to join FF?  Axx


----------



## Misha701

leoaimee said:


> Hi everyone - my name is aimee - i used FF loads when i was conceiving my daughter and for the first couple of years of her life. I am now a doula and have a single by choice client. is it still free to join FF? Axx


Yes it is


----------



## bode

Hello Everyone! 

I'm 39 and single. Never dreamt I'd be patient enough to wait this long. I've decided to freeze my eggs. Toying around with donor idea, but still too nervous. I have started Gonal-F this week. I need some encouragement is all! 

Xxx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Bode 
I froze some eggs when I was 34 but I was unsuccessful with the 3 embryos formed after thawing.  Obviously technology changes and improves but please consider making some embryos as these are more success than freezing eggs.

Good luck 
TCC x


----------



## Rosalind73

Just to add to this, I looked into it when I was 34 and was advised by my endocrinologist (who I was seeing for other stuff) that it's not at all a good idea. Eggs are full of water, and so even if the latest techniques are used (vitrification - fast freezing), they still form lots of crystals and so will not defrost very well.

He said it is not an insurance policy that you can rely on and clinics are just doing it for financial gain. I totally trusted what he said as he is a very reputable doctor.

Also - and I know it's been in the news a lot lately so you may have read the same articles - but the numbers of women who have had babies from using frozen eggs is tiny...I can't remember exactly but this article quotes 1500 worldwide (I actually think it might be less than that).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2792483/********-apple-paying-women-motherhood-ice-freezing-eggs.html

And this article says it's only 20 in the UK (and they are quoting HFEA figures).

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11169420/********-egg-freezing-The-facts-dont-lie-We-havent-cracked-egg-freezing.-Not-even-close.html

Just wouldn't want you to do it and then think you're okay for the future
/links


----------



## Driedup

Disagree, in part, about egg freezing. Technology has improved a lot, and the HFEA statistic of 20 babies is from 2012 and methods have improved a lot since then. I have had eggs frozen and will have embryos frozen on the next round- I say if you can afford it do both, so that you have peace of mind, and two different options. You won't be able to freeze eggs at 43 so 39 is probably the limit of the time when it's feasible. Flash freezing is far better than slow freezing.  Even in the last three or four months my clinic (lister) has changed its egg freezing method to one which gives more pregnancies.


----------



## Driedup

I guess what I am saying is that at 39 chances of IVF OR egg freezing are both fairly low, so the low chances with egg freezing are worth trying if you want to have a chance. I say a 12% chance (or less) still beats 0%. Also if you meet someone, say, at 43, it's far easier to tell them you have eggs frozen than embryos....Read the comments on the telegraph article, they are very sound.


----------



## MissDebbie

Hi Everyone.  I did my 'hey all' intro in the general intro section before I found this sub-forum   So, hey y'all   I'm new to the forum.  Spent the last hour or so reading lots of posts and discussions and reading about everyone's journey to where they are today. It's been great!  So, here's my story:

I am 30 (well, I will be in a couple of weeks), and have been pretty much single all my life.  I seem to be better with men as friends  Anyway, I've decided that I want to have a baby, something that kind of hit me a few weeks ago, since I've spent the last few years of life saying I was happy without a baby.  I've decided that's not true!  So, as a singleton, I think I will try IUI.  However, as much as I would LOVE to try now, and deep down I really want to, it's not possible.  I am applying to uni to do Midwifery, and I hope to get in next year.  If not, I will re-apply twice.  If I don't get in after trying 3 times, I'm shelving that plan and moving onto 'Make a Baby' Plan.  I want to have started trying by the time I am 35, to give me time to sort out a career and then sort out funds.  Like I say, I'd rather do it now, but I'm not in the right place at all.  

Anyway, my ramblings are over.  Just wanted to say hi


----------



## Rosalind73

I guess if you've got the resources and resolve to put yourself through rounds and rounds of stimulation, then you might as well freeze eggs as well as embyros. 

Unfortunately though you can't get away from the fact that eggs inherently have a lot of water in them, no matter what method of freezing you use.

By the way vitrification has been around for at least six years - that's what I was discussing with my endocrinologist in early 2008. So I'm not sure the technology has improved that much recently. Unless methods of vitrification have significantly changed.

I only say all this because I think it's a very risky thing to rely on frozen eggs and I think women should know this.

Natclare, one of the members of this board, started off freezing eggs and then went on to embryos. She might be able to shed more light on this


----------



## Tincancat

Miss Debbie you could try IUI once you are doing your midwifery as you would still get your NHS bursary I believe:  check it out.  I made the mistake of trying to get my career off the ground after I lost my first boys and my marriage fell apart.  In the end it was too late despite my trying to preserve my fertility by freezing eggs.  It was later discovered I have immune issues which may have caused failure of frozen egg cycle.  By the time all this was sorted out I really was too old.  However I've just had two amazing little boys by DE so there is always an alternative for oldies like me.
TCC x


----------



## Driedup

Rosalind73 - I was told by my clinic (the lister) that they have changed their vitrification methods within the last 3-4 months to a method that has been demonstrated in IVI spain to yield far higher pregnancy rates. So yes. there have been changes. 

I'd agree that if you can only afford one round, embryo freezing is far better, and as I said in my post, I'd only do both if it's affordable (and I'm talking two rounds not multiple!). 

Neither can be relied on though - even fresh egg ivf has about a maximum of 25% chance of success at age 39, so the 12.5% chance that you get from egg freezing (the HFEA data says that 160 rounds of defrosting have been done with patients own eggs resulting in 20 live births, which makes a 12.5% success rate), whilst worse than IVF, is not massively worse. 

I have frozen eggs in the full knowledge and awareness that it is buying me a very small chance, but it's still a chance and I have no regrets about that.


----------



## Tincancat

I have no regrets about trying by freezing eggs.  It's certainly worth a shot and my only regret is I didn't freeze more: alas the procedure and technology was new then in 2003.  I never considered embryo freezing at the time, hoped I'd meet someone, wish I had frozen embryos but then again would never have had the lovely boys I have now.
TCC x


----------



## Blondie71

I did OE embryo freezing at 40 (wouldn't have considered egg freezing at that age either tbh) at Serum Athens and they have state of the art vitrification eqpt prob similar to the Spanish clinics. For my FET I had 5 embryos thawed, 4 survived the thaw and were transferred - just 1 implanted to become my identical twin boys.

Haha I will have a dilemma as still have 5 frozen eeeekkk


----------



## Rosalind73

That's good if vitrification methods have improved recently - I wonder what changes they've made? And I certainly wouldn't want anyone to have any regrets about freezing eggs so I'm very glad to hear neither of you do.

And I agree it's certainly better than doing nothing.

The thing is though DriedUp, I think the comparison you make is a bit misleading (and again I worry about people being lulled into a false sense of security). You're comparing the success of fresh egg ivf at age 39, with the success of ivf made from previously frozen eggs, but what age were the eggs when they were frozen? That is a critical factor and I imagine the average age of the eggs (when they were frozen) being used in those 580 cycles quoted by the HFEA was less than 39....I don't know but I'd guess it would be closer to 35. Assuming that's correct (and of course I could be wrong about the age of those women who froze their eggs), you're looking at a success rate lower than 12.5% for frozen eggs from 39 year olds. 

Also, IVF stats are obviously comprised from data from IVF clinics, which are mostly attended by couple who have fertility issues. So the success rates for single/lesbian women undergoing fresh egg ivf at age 39 is going to be higher than the 25% success rate you quote. Which means for a single woman (with no fertility issues), the chances of success using 39 year old frozen eggs is probably quite a bit lower than having fresh egg IVF.

Tincancat - congratulations on your two little boys by the way! I've been following your thread and have been so pleased to hear of their amazing progress. Sounds like you have been through a massive amount in the past, so your happiness now is so very much deserved and I wish you all the best.

Blondie - that's a very nice dilemma to have! Hope you are doing well with your identical twin boys (I was recently pregnant with identical twins after IVF, which as you know is very rare. Unfortunately I miscarried though). And amazing that you still have 5 on ice - you must have had an exceptionally good IVF cycle to be able to freeze 10 embyros in total.


----------



## Tincancat

Thanks Rosalind.  Chunk and Titch are truly a delight.  DE are an alternative I thought I would never take but I'm so glad I was brave enough to give it a go.
TCC x


----------



## BroodyChick

Just throwing this thought out there for anyone hoping to meet a guy after freezing eggs: what if the guy assumes that being >40, you couldn't have/didn't want kids so they weren't part of the equation? What if he was a father already, and didn't want more kids (I'd be a bit wary of most 40+ guys who've never settled down before...)? Or are you hoping for a toy boy? Have you considered the fact that partners of men over 35 have a 30% increased risk of miscarriage? What if he's had the snip, or is infertile? How long into the relationship would you wait to broach the subject of your frozen eggs waiting for his sperm? My (now ex) DP had kids already and a performance dysfunction which means if we'd ttc without my frozen embryo I still wouldn't be a mum.

Also you may wish to consider that with a baby as part of your package you'll be attracting a different quality of guy than perhaps you have in the past...


----------



## Blondie71

Oh Rosalind I'm so sorry you lost your babies thats so sad, are you trying again soon? nothing in your siggy so not sure what's next for you 

Thanks they are so worth all the heartache and I feel truly blessed every day, I had an excellent cycle mostly thanks to my brilliant Clinical Director Penny and her stimming protocol, 17 eggs were retrieved, 10 fertilised and frozen, I'm so glad I found the courage and the right clinic for me x


----------



## natclare

Hi all. Interesting debate for Bode  Ok well two pennies worth from this end. You can see the history in my signature but I started off freezing eggs. At that point I just found it so hard to even contemplate the idea of a donor and it was the only way to make some progress. I do remember looking at ESB and scaring the living daylights out of myself. I was truly not ready for the donor question. I was also younger, produced more eggs and was able to egg share. After breaking up with my boyfriend and another year or more on FF and talking to lots of people I got to the point of deciding I needed more of a fail safe plan and moved onto embryos. Whatever the stats are for eggs really, they are low and there is no disputing that. Much of the reason for few babies born from frozen eggs is that more women are freezing their eggs but not actually using them yet so only time will tell. I remember the Lister telling me I needed to freeze 30 to have a realistic chance (which at that point was 3 full cycles) - as I shared, I have eight eggs in total. It's worth a shot but as we all know that is enough for one cycle only and the chances are that it wouldn't work statistically. Nevertheless I would rather have a rubbish egg insurance policy than none. I then moved onto embryos in the UK and Greece and know that their chances are much, much better. It was all the cost of a very nice car, but I don't need a car I needed this. When dating I am open about having had a lot of IVF to "freeze eggs" and I tell people about my "medical treatment in Athens" quite openly. I do not think that anyone needs to know about embryos as you could imagine the shock that may cause (that said, my sister and a few close friends do know). The simple fact that prospective dates know that a) I broke up with my boyfriend for the sole reason I want children and b) I have had five cycles of IVF to "freeze eggs" makes it pretty blooming clear that this is important to me. They either run away screaming or they don't. My recommendation is to freeze both as it is nice to have both options, but if finances are limited freeze embryos. For what it is worth Penny at Serum just sort of shakes her head when you mention freezing eggs - she is in the business of getting people pregnant all day every day and I have to say I find that quite telling. Just don't rely on eggs only although they are a "nice to have". Using a donor will always be a hard decision but you can have counselling and at the Lister at least this is free. Best wishes xx


----------



## ZCC

Hi I'm new to this site so thought I'd just say hello to everyone. 

I'm 37 (38 in a few days) and have had my tests at Manchester Fertility last week. I have my consultation with the Dr to discuss the results and options tomorrow. 

Initially when I 1st started looking into having a baby on my own I thought I would go the IUI route. Having looked at the % success rates for my age group they didn't look so good so I then thought that ICSI would be the best route and hopefully I'd end up with embryos to freeze too. I'm now thinking should I try IUI 1st? I know that I need to find out the results of the tests tomorrow and take it from there really but just wondered what others thought too.


----------



## BroodyChick

If there's any chance at all you could end up with OHSS I'd go the IUI route first... Probably best to discuss with your consultant. Yes you want to have the best chance to get pregnant but Ivf does have risks as i experienced. Check what your risk factors are x


----------



## bode

Wow! Thank you all for your input. I really really appreciate it. So sorry I've been away. Been so tired from the injecting and hormones and then I became a little hyper stimulated which made me feel very off kilter. I haven't had a chance to check back in with you all. 

I have to admit, there have been instances within the last two weeks of my treatment when I have wished I was freezing embryos as well as eggs. Also very strong moments when I wished I was just being inseminated (sorry don't know all the lingo) with donor sperm and pregnant ASAP!!! But I haven't been able to think past each injection, staying calm, and napping... Oh so much napping. But I'm going to go ahead as planned and freeze the eggs. I'm also looking into sperm donors or co parents... Still deciding. I want to be pregnant by January.... It's like a bad itch now. I turned 39 on the 14th of October, so I'm sure turning 40 next year probably plays a part in it. 

Is anyone else attending the Fertility Show tomorrow and Sunday at Olympia? I want to listen to as many seminars and meet as many providers as possible. I am aware I rushed straight into freezing as that is buying me just a minuscule bit of peace of mind. But very little right now as I need more assurances I will be a mother, and the only way I can foresee that in the near future is just by going ahead so I need to educate myself. It's so bad when I see guys I find attractive now I'm sizing up their potential as a donor.... Loooolll.

My egg retrieval happens on Monday and I give myself the trigger shot tomorrow night. A bit anxious, but also a bit excited I'm able to do this for myself. I guess it really is the beginning of my journey into motherhood. 

Xxx


----------



## bode

By the way anyone who is going to the Show tomorrow should send a message to my inbox as it comes to my email direct. I wasn't getting notifications from this thread.


----------



## Izzyblue

Hi zcc
I had ivf with Icsi as you will see from my signature. 

When I went back for my follow up, the doc said ivf isn't dramatically increasing my chances as I didn't get enough follicles and then eggs. I went in with three good size follicles, they retrieved 2 eggs, and I got one embryo. So doc said I should go for IUI from now on as it's £2k rather than £6 - £7k - he gives me the not so cheerful odds of 5% for iui rather than 10% for IVF but says I can have more attempts for the cash. 

2 vials of swimmers left 

I thimk I would still go for ivf first. But it means I have to leave a gap of 3 months to let my body recover until I can start again.


----------



## mamochka

Bode hi,

I will be at Serum's stand tomorrow. Come for a friendly chat! M


----------



## ZCC

Thanks Izzyblue

Unfortunately my test results were not very good.  AMH of 0.67.  I had further blood taken to have FSH/LH tested on Friday.  My query is that I only stopped the pill (cerazette) last month and although i've had a small bleed I'm not sure whether I should have been advised to wait another month or 2 before having the AMH test.  The Dr said to have FSH/LH to show whether the AMH level was a true reflection of egg reserves.  However after doing more research the FSH/LH test is best done at the beginning of your cycle - ideally day 3.  I was around day 16/17 when i had my blood taken.  So i'm feeling a bit disappointed in the clinic for not advising me to wait.  It is likely that it will have no impact on the results though but the dr did state that as i had been on the pill for a long time it could affect AMH.

Having read lots of stories on here I know that a low AMH doesn't necessarily mean that i won't ever be able to have a baby but i really wasn't expecting it.  I know i'm 38 but i was hoping that everything would be OK and I could go ahead with an ICSI cycle with donor sperm (i'm single).  My AMH was so low she said there was a 1% success rate for IVF.  But in my head i'm saying is it still worth a go?? I have the money and it only takes 1 egg.  I'm completely confused with it all at the moment!!


----------



## Blondie71

ZCC so sorry your results have knocked you sideways there  there is a few threads on low AMH (in the starting out - fertility investigations section) it might be worth seeing what other ladies on there have to say in terms of success x


----------



## Driedup

Rosalind: Just to be clear I was comparing the success rate of fresh egg IVF at *AGE 43* with the success rate of using eggs frozen aged 39 (and then defrosted aged 43). Of course fresh egg ivf at 39 would be better! And with the HFEA data, it isn't 580 cycles, it's 160 cycles they cite, but 580 embryos. 20 births out of 160 cycles is 12.5%. There is a lot of italian data citing success rates for older women using frozen eggs that are comparable to ivf.

However *of course* fresh beats frozen - if your mind is in the right place to do it. I wasn't in the right place to use donor sperm. If it isn't, frozen eggs are better than nothing. I froze eggs largely because I didn't want to get to 43/44 and wish for some frozen eggs from my younger self. As Nat said it's a 'nice to have' back up and only an option (as I think I also said) if you can afford to do more than once cycle. I am well aware it probably won't work - but what I have done is taken away the 'I wonder ifs'. I can afford it, and don't want to spend my life wondering about what could have been. I hope anyone getting eggs frozen gets good counselling - it should be mandatory for all and in many clinics it is.

And BroodyChick, yes of course I (and I'm sure most others on here) can work out that a single mother will get different guys from a single childless lady! And as for your other suggestion, yes, I spent a fair part of yesterday evening enjoying some lustful attention from a hot-to-trot 26 year old, so yeah, the tomboy idea works for me


----------



## TrionaT

Hi Bode,
just wanted to say freeze embryo with donor sperm if you can rather than frozen eggs.they just dont work that well.i had mine frozen age 34.vitrification fast method.only 2made it to blastocyst and i just miscaried. I've got no fertility issues.the older you get the lower The chance of implantation also even with a good embryo. You might not want to use donor sperm but its better than no baby down the road and if you met someone you can always try naturally also. juat thought id thrpw that out there as i wish my clinic told me to freeze embryo rather than eggs.You have to use ICSI with frozen eggs also which is not ideal.
i had 75*/* fertilization rate but none of them actually made a baby


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi Driedup,

I totally understand what you are saying about not being ready to use donor sperm. It's a massive decision, and you need to be in the right mindset to do that.

And I agree that freezing your eggs (if you have enough of them. So as natclare says, you need around 30 eggs) could be better than nothing but ONLY if you know that it may well not work. And unfortunately I don't think women do know that, and then they've missed out on the chance to get pregnant or freeze embyros when they were younger, which could be a disaster for them.

So if you rely on them as an insurance policy and they don't work, it is potentially worse than doing nothing.

Re your stats....here's what you said originally:



> even fresh egg ivf has about a maximum of 25% chance of success at age 39, so the 12.5% chance that you get from egg freezing


And I was arguing that you are not comparing like with like, because the egg freezing stats for someone who has frozen their eggs aged 39 is probably lower than 12.5%, as the HFEA data is probably for women who have frozen them at a younger age. And the chances of fresh egg IVF success for a single woman aged 39 is probably higher (because they are not necessarily from a population that has trouble conceiving).

So for a fresh cycle IVF for a woman aged 39 with a women who has frozen their eggs aged 39 and then used them later (this is roughly the scenario many of us find ourselves in) could be more like 30% vs. 5%.

I don't understand where you are getting the information that the HFEA data is for women who have frozen their eggs aged 39. Their website states "Records show that up to December 2012 around 18,000 eggs have been stored in the UK for patients' own use. Around 580 embryos from stored eggs have been created. These embryos were transferred to women in around 160 cycles, which resulted in around 20 live births". Do the HFEA break down this data by age? If so, you would be looking at even smaller numbers of cycles per age group. So not particularly reliable data with an even smaller sample size.

It's true that they also say "These figures are for patients using their own eggs, both eggs which have been stored using slow freezing and vitrification, so maybe this 12.5% figure would be a bit higher if it was based on on vitrification methods.

Just for info, I spoke to the HFEA last year about egg freezing and the stats (for my work) and this is what they said then:
"Our records show that up to 2011 around 16,000 eggs have been stored in the UK for the patient's own use. Around 470 embryos from stored eggs have been created. These embryos were transferred to women in around 120 cycles, which resulted in around 15 live births. These figures are for both eggs which have been stored using slow freezing and vitrification methods.
A small number children have been born following the use of frozen eggs, which makes the chances of a successful pregnancy difficult to assess. However, if we use the numbers we have this gives us a live birth rate per cycle of around 12% (~120 cycles, and 15 live births)"

So between end of 2011 and end of 2012 it seems there were another 40 cycles, which resulted in another 5 births...again that's consistent with their latest figure of 12.5%.

And if you _are_ comparing those who have frozen aged 39 (although I'm not sure how you have the info for this) with those who had fresh aged 43, then you are still not comparing like with like....

Plus, the national average live birth rate for women aged 43-44 is 5%, so I'm not sure where you get a 20% success rate for IVF at age 43 (unless you are looking at one clinic in particular which has totally inflated stats). Even if you take the Lister, one of the clinics which has some of the best stats in the country (and isn't selective i.e. it doesn't turn down difficult cases), it's only around 8%.

If you can point us in the direction of the Italian data I would be very interested to look at it.


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## Rosalind73

P.S. Triona - I'm so sorry to read about your miscarriages. I know how heartbreaking it is. The one good thing though is that you are still so young, so you have plenty of time to try again - if you have the money and energy to do so of course


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## Rosalind73

One more thing. When I spoke to the HFEA last year about the reasons for women freezing their eggs, they told me this:

"the HFEA does not collect information on the reasons why women decide to freeze their eggs. An article in the Sunday Times earlier this year reported that at the Midland Fertility Centre they had frozen the eggs of >200 women since the year 2000 and that 40% of these women froze their eggs for social reasons, 40% were cancer patients and 20% had another medical condition."

So if the Sunday Times article is quoting accurate figures, I think it further supports my theory that the average age of women who have frozen their eggs is likely to be much lower than 39 (i.e. is definitely not just single women who are about to hit their 40s and want a baby), and therefore the success rate (live baby) for a woman freezing at aged 39 is likely to be lower than the 12.5% quoted by the HFEA


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## Tincancat

I too wish I'd had embryos frozen but I wasn't ready at the time.  I knew it was effectively experimental in 2003 when I froze eggs.  However I have no regrets at all about having to use double donor to have my wonderful boys now.  Donor eggs can be the insurance policy some people might find acceptable if freezing eggs is not realistic.
TCC x


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## BroodyChick

This thread is getti quite interesting! Good research, Rosalind!x
It's interesting that a large portion of women freeze eggs because of cancer treatment, but I just wanted to throw out there that a friend who had chemo at the end of last year had part of her OVARY frozen to give better chances of pregnancy with a bio child than freezing eggs (and also I think there wasn't the time for stimulation/egg collection before the start of her treatment).
A relative of mine who had chemo in her twenties had two unsuccessful IVF cycles (they didn't offer egg freezing prior to her treatment) followed by two live births after natural pregnancies in her late thirties, so perhaps some cancer sufferers who froze eggs don't return for them because they don't have fertility issues after all...

Driedup, I've met a fair few toy boys in my time and also have a good friend (37) who has 2 boys with her 12 years younger man, but in general I'd class them as a nice distraction (time wasters!) rather than dad material... Still good for you!x


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## Rosalind73

Yes freezing ovarian tissue is quite a different thing.

I read about that being done a few years ago (in the US) and was amazed at how clever it is (encapsulating immature follicles that can develop when the tissue is re-implanted and produce eggs of the age that the tissue was cryopreserved), but it's in very early clinical stages....and I don't think it's available for social reasons. And of course it involves an operation too.

Blimey I see there is a clinic in the US that is offering it to women who want to preserve their fertility:
http://www.infertile.com/infertility-treatments/freeze2.htm

And that it might be available here too soon:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9206190/Women-able-to-delay-motherhood-through-ovary-freezing.html

/links


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## Driedup

Rosalind- again, I didn't ever say that the hfea data was on women aged 39....not sure where you got that from....and my age 43 comparison was hypothetical 

But it doesn't really matter as I'm not disagreeing with you in essence, I promise. Embryo beats egg freezing hands down, I agree, all I really said is that it sometimes isn't possible, and that in those cases, egg freezing is better (psychologically) than doing nothing. 

And as I also said, I am probably doing both.....I originally had no plans to egg freeze, was only going to embryo freeze for all the reasons here, but when it came to it I burst into tears and cried all day. It's a huge decision, and one I couldn't make. It's also (little known fact) against HFEA guidelines to create embryos that you're not sure you want to use, so given the depths of my reservations my (Very reputable and experienced) consultant at the lister advised freezing eggs. 

I will look for the Italian data. I do think it is useful for people here to hear both sides.


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## Driedup

PS I also said that fresh egg IVF at **39*** had a maximum (note use of the word maximum) success rate of 25 percent. I certainly didn't say that this is the success rate you'd get at 43. In fact this was my point- I.e. at 43, given how rubbish the chances of fresh egg ivf are, I want to be able to use frozen eggs from my younger self- which though unlikely to work are no less (probably, I have no real stats to support this and nor do the clinics) likely to work than my own eggs when I get to that age.


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## Driedup

PS my understanding is The lister have appointed a new embryologist who trained at IVI in Spain, where apparently rapid freezing straight after egg collection, as opposed to what they used to do which was mature the egg in vitro prior to freezing, has significantly improved sustained pregnancy rates from frozen eggs. Since employing this embryologist the lister has achieved its first ongoing pregnancy from frozen eggs.

source: my consultant at the lister, but please anyone considering this route please do have your own consultation and make use of their counselling service.


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## Blondie71

It is rare but definately possible to conceive with OE at 43+ I've met many women along the way who have got pg naturally and thru IVF, I cycled with a 45 y/o lady at my clinic who got pg with twins too so it can happen and until you try you won't know x


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## Tincancat

.....And there are plenty like me who had repeated cycles past 40 and it didn't work!  That becomes quite soul destroying.
TCCx


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## Blondie71

Yeah that's why I was saying it is rare TCC for over 40's with OE but there is always going to be exceptions in this game and none of us know unfortunately who will win in this lottery...


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## Driedup

But like the lottery, you've got to be in it to win it....

....and also, open to the idea of donor eggs. I know I am getting more and more happy with the thought of donor eggs.


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## Rosalind73

DriedUp - I see what you mean now. You are comparing using frozen eggs from aged 39, with doing a fresh IVF cycle aged 43 - assuming that someone would not want to try and get pregnant with a fresh or frozen embryo cycle in the years in between.

So yes with that comparison of 5-8% for fresh IVF aged 43 vs. less than 12% (probably considerably so) then it might be similar or marginally better to have frozen your eggs.

It was this that confused me (where you did make the comparison between fresh IVF aged 39 and freezing eggs) :


> even fresh egg ivf has about a maximum of 25% chance of success at age 39, so the 12.5% chance that you get from egg freezing (the HFEA data says that 160 rounds of defrosting have been done with patients own eggs resulting in 20 live births, which makes a 12.5% success rate), whilst worse than IVF, is not massively worse.


In fact I think that comparison is the more realistic scenario. If a woman aged 39 is prepared to freeze their eggs, then they really do want a baby, and therefore if they are truly armed with all the facts - which at the risk of repeating myself again are that the chances are pretty low for frozen eggs, yet they could be reasonable for fresh IVF (at least 25% as single women may not have fertility issues) - then I believe that most of them would choose the embryo route. At least if not aged 39, then before turning 43.

But if a 39 year old women doesn't want to do that, yet is prepared to freeze their eggs, then I guess it might be worth it. But it doesn't seem to be much of a gain on doing nothing.

Although as Tintincat points out, there is always the extra insurance policy of donor eggs...which I may well have to consider myself. Sorry to use the word 'have to', I hope that doesn't offend anyone. If I'm totally honest I'm finding it extremely hard to think about that and give up on my own eggs. On the other hand it is incredibly heartwarming to see how many women on here are very happy with having gone down that path. So maybe it really doesn't matter.

Even though it costs an arm and a leg, I'm also thinking very seriously about CGH (embryo screening) as my problem is more that I keep miscarrying, which is probably to do with rubbish eggs (that do implant).


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## Blondie71

Rosalind have you looked in immune issues as a possibility too? I'm sure you've probably already done that tho as you sound pretty informed


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## Rosalind73

P.s Although women over 40 do obviously get pregnant with their own eggs, sadly I think it is much less likely for us singletons (which is something I find incredibly frustrating) as we only have a limited number of attempts. 

Whereas those in a couple can keep trying each month and eventually catch that golden egg. Or if they are having IVF or any fertility treatment, they can keep trying naturally as well in the intervening months. So again not missing out on any good eggs that might appear.


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## Tincancat

Rosalind that's the frustration I felt as if I'd still been with my.husband I'd have been trying every month.  To go with repeated rounds of IVF and only ever get 1-3 embryos ground me down as I was seemingly never going to get that golden one: then there was always the risk of genetic abnormalities if I did get pregnant.  Added to this I found I'd got high endometrial NK cells later on and correcting that made little difference other than I had a chemical BFP.  The switch to donor eggs in the end was not such a big leap from accepting donor sperm.  In fact it was a huge relief to know I had a real chance to have a live baby.  The other advantage was my concerns over Downs etc were removed.... even so I still had Nifty Test just for piece of mind which then came in handy to have the results of when IUGR was diagnosed.  The cause was more easily attributed to placenta rather than genetic causes -  obstetrician was initially indicating he thought it could have been Downs as the cause.

Now they are here I don't even consider the DE side of things particularly when people  who don't know say they look like me.  I'll tell the boys that someone else gave me the ingredients to make them and I baked them into the special boys they are to me  
TCCx


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## Izzyblue

Tincancat said:


> Now they are here I don't even consider the DE side of things particularly when people who don't know say they look like me. I'll tell the boys that someone else gave me the ingredients to make them and I baked them into the special boys they are to me
> TCCx


Ah I love that explanation


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## Caz242424

Hi everyone 
I've been lurking around here for a while but never quite brave enough to post.
I'm a smc to a 10 month old baby girl, from a successful egg share cycle at the lister last year. 
I'm now starting again to try for number 2! 
I've been accepted again to egg share and I'm waiting to find out what dates I'll be starting treatment.
I am amazed how much my little one has changed my life and I'm so grateful for her, I still have concerns for her and potentially a sibling on my decision meaning she will not have a father in her life and how she might feel because of my choice, does anyone else still have this niggling thought?


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## BroodyChick

Hi Caz, welcome!
I think that with a sibling at least they have that situation to share and I think it's quite common for kids to grow up without a father... Also you may not always be single! Have you joined DCN yet as for the older children it's quite good to to meet others with similar family setups. They do regular get togethers and some of us single mums in London also meet up regularly x


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## bode

Hi Caz! 

I'm new on here as well. This has been my greatest concern as well. However I have to say I feel a bit better about it after having spoken to the ladies at the DCN over the weekend. I also attended one of their seminars and bought their DVD. That DVD is so special because it is full of opinions of teenage and adult children who were specially conceived. Entirely from donors or from a single donor. 

It was nice to hear the kids themselves express what their reality was and how they don't feel any different from any other kids, in fact some feel even more special because they were aware of how much effort and love went into bringing them into this world. They are just regular kids who are well aware who their parents are and don't feel that they have missed out, because they got all the love they needed. 

The main point stressed though was to let the kids know as soon as possible the truth of their conception rather than withholding it from them and then it coming as a shock later. I think the world is moving into a new era and the future will not only be a genetic and ethnic mixture of people, but we will also start to see different kinds of family. Plus people are growing up with a single parent for all kinds of unforeseen reasons... Divorce, death, runaway Dads, or present but absent Dads. The fact you have decided from the onset to go through this makes you more prepared than with any other scenario. Plus better to be in a healthy relationship with just you and your child than an unhealthy one with "a father" that seeps unhealthily into your child's psyche.

After embarking on egg freezing (happened on Monday) I have realised how much I wish to go ahead with just being a Mum already. At least I have the eggs as insurance for if I do meet someone further down the line (fingers crossed I won't need them as it will be real soon ) . I do feel less daunted moving forward. I'm still petrified... But somehow excited all the same. I want to meet my mini mes ASAP and I'm tired of waiting on someone who might or might not arrive in time to make that happen.


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## Caz242424

Thank you so much Broodychick and Bode 

I will check out the DCN 

Thank you for the advise and for your take on things, Broodychick congratulations on your baby boy and Bode I hope the egg collection went well for you 

Thanks again


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## Rosalind73

I forgot to say TrionaT - really sorry to hear about your experiences and hope you are okay....and a big welcome to all the new members on here.

Tincancat - thanks for sharing your experiences. I've had a few failed IUIs and that's disheartening enough, but repeated failed rounds of IVF must have been soul-destroying as you say. I can just imagine how awful you must have felt.

I'm so glad to hear how happy and comfortable you are about using donor eggs....and it's good to remember the advantages i.e. you shouldn't have to worry too much about genetic abnormalities. I completely second what Izzyblue said about your future explanation to your boys - what a lovely way to put it.

Blondie - thanks so much for your thoughts as well. I have looked into the whole immunes thing as well, but am personally not convinced cause of the lack of evidence. I know everyone has a different opinion about it, but I have also been advised that by my recurrent miscarriage clinic (who are supposed to be one of the best).

Unfortunately I think my biggest problem is my age (41 in a few weeks) and probably having worse than average eggs. I also have a clotting factor (raised TEG). In my last pregnancy I was on aspirin and heparin - the standard dose for my condition - but I've been told that if I get pregnant again I will be on a higher dose of heparin, which when I think about it makes me so upset and angry. If there is any chance this standard dose (20mg) for a raised TEG might not be enough, why not put everyone on the higher dose (40mg) even if it's overkill for some people. The doctor did say something about risks to the mother i.e. bleeding on 40mg, but if every IVF clinic prescribes 40mg (for those who want to take blood thinners) then surely it can't be that risky? For my peace of mind I need to ask again about their rationale - and hope that they give me a good reason so I don't have to live with that regret.

And my other issue is I have a small submucosal fibroid - which I was originally told is unlikely to have been the cause of my miscarriages, but now am being advised to remove it. I actually posted about it here:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329300.0 
because I'll have a big dilemma about whether to go ahead with having it removed (and delay trying to conceive for a good few months - which at my age I can't afford to do and is tortuous) if it turns out the cause of my last miscarriage was chromosomal. I'm pretty sure 2 of 3 other ones were chromosomal and thus that would mean fibroid probably hasn't been an issue. But of course I would never know for sure.

And that's enough about me!


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## Blondie71

Sorry for your dilemmas Rosalind so hard to know what to do for the best in all this it's a bloody minefield and  deciding where do you draw the line regarding tests & treatments is so tough   Did you have EPRC procedure carried out with any of your miscarriages to determine a cause? 

I think your gut instincts are your best friend tho tbh and you should do what feels right for you x


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## Rosalind73

Hi Blondie,

Yes I did have an ERPC and cytogenetic testing and should get those results next week. But it's complicated in that I also had a vanishing twin (actually triplet) so there may be two lots of genetic material, and I might not get a definitive result.

But if I do get a result I can rely on, and its positive (i.e. it was a chromosomal issue), that's where the dilemma lies - in that is it worth undergoing another surgery to remove fibroid, delaying trying again for months just for something that is unlikely to be a factor?

To be honest my gut instinct goes both ways - to leave no stone unturned and remove any possible cause of miscarriages, but also not to delay for months at my age.

So I'm caught between a rock and hard place.

Thank you so much for your thoughts though.
xxx


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## Tincancat

Yep I agree with Blondie gut instinct is often the right way in these things.  The odds are all have been chromosomal related to age.  I have my doubts over immune testing too which is why I went for endometrial NK testing at Coventy by NHS consultants with a research interest rather than blood NK testing at expensive private clinics with a fancy practice to fund.  By the time high NK cells were diagnosed, I had gotten too old really to be using my own eggs.  However with steroid treatment and then intralipids I did get a chemical BFP so in the end I concluded by this point I had to accpet it must be my eggs that were the biggest issue.  I had to try and change that one last factor my eggs to DE  and I got there!  However my body still destroyed 2 grade A embryos, as I had 4 embryos put back, to leave me with my twin boys.  Even then one of my boys was severe IUGR so there just has to be something dodgy going on with my endometrium, immune cause or otherwise, which prevented proper formation of Titch's placenta.  

I had 40mg enoxaparin, prednisolone, intralipids and  folic acid high strength from the start then later on added in aspirin to help prevent pre-eclampsia.  Ironically aspirin and enoxaparin are the only things known to help prevent IUGR!  Hey ho you have to try things so as you say you have left no stone unturned.  I think you know its very unlikley fibroids are the cause so to leave it many months to put this right really does further decrease the chances with your own eggs.  My motto is have no regrets in life - which path would cause you most regret if you didn't do it?  
TCC x


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## adh8486

Hi
not sure if iam writing in the right place.myself and my partner are a same sex couple and are just about to start iui in two weeks.very nervous just wandering if anybody is going through the same cheers


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## natclare

Hi adh, There is a different section for LGBT. You're more than welcome to ask us questions but there is more over there http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=398.0


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## Blondie71

I trust NK cell testing completely tbh, mine showed a fairly high reading and the Dr said there is inflammation somewhere in your body, well lo and behold 2 months later I had my severely inflamed/hydrosalpinx tubes removed, my NK cells then levelled off. I got pg on my first FET 4 months after removal, I would still be trying no doubt if the cause hadn't been found.


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## Heluerto

hello!  I was on these boards about 4 years ago - but now finding myself single, but still in need of starting my family, I am going it alone.  I have to lose 1.5 stone, and started the diet on Friday, although I know over Christmas this will be tricky.  My aim is to get it off within 3 months, to be able to get IVF treatment (having attempted other stuff previously), and whilst I have had the offer of a known donor, it looks like it may be more straight forward (and cheaper) having an anonymous one.


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## HelpLorna

Welcome Heluerto! I'm sorry to hear that you find yourself single again - it is so very hard.  I also had the option of a known donor, but the more I researched it, and spoke to other people, the more complicated it became.  I have just had my first IUI with an open ID donor using xytex so fingers crossed...

Hope you're coping ok, sending love - and dieting in winter full stop is always hard!

L xx


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## Blondie71

Welcome Hulerto hope you have great success with weight loss put a picture of your goal somewhere to keep you focused and motivated, if not log on here for support x 

Ohhhhh Lorna how exciting and I see you are getting close to OTD     fingers crossed for you


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## HelpLorna

Thanks Blondie... all a bit surreal really.  But some days I am glad to be busy (and happy!) at work - keeps my mind off it - though as the countdown to testing days gets closer it gets a little bit harder to be distracted!

L xx


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## LuckyE

Hi, Can I join? 

I have been feeling sorry for myself for being single this past year but reading this thread has made me feel so much better... and hopeful about my situation.

To see so many strong women on one thread is really inspiring. 

Thank you. 

LuckyE

Ps Heluerto, I'm trying to lose weight over christmas for IVF in January. I'll be checking in to see how you're going!


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## natalia38

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here. I am 38 years old , recently diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve as i have very low amh and borderline fsh.
I have a relationship but my boyfriend isn't ready to have a baby with me right now. He doesnt know about my poor fertility results yet. So i have to inform him that time is very important for me, as i will not be able to have a biological child later. I dont know if i can even have a baby now with these bad results.
Anyway i have a timeline in my head. If my boyfriend doesnt decide it, i will proceed on my own as an SMC very soon. It's just that i feel so sad sometimes. I never thought i would reach this point. Other times i blame myself for not marrying some other people who wanted to have children with me in the past. I didn't want to compromise with men i wasn't in love with. Now i think i should have compromised. I dont know.. i feel i have failed personally although i have succeeded professionally.
All these thoughts are so overwhelming for me but i would do anything to have a child. When i found out my poor amh results i suddenly realised how much i want to become a mother.. If only i had this longing for a baby earlier, i would have been more proactive.
Anyway, thank you for reading this. I think i need your support..


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## BroodyChick

Hi Natalia
Sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation and with such poor results. I'd advise you not to finish with your partner quite yet as it's a hell of a lot easier to get pregnant and also raise a child with a man around, but you can't let him waste any more of your time so it's good to have a plan B if you don't want to fall pregnant without his consent.
If you're in London, there's a group of us who have for together (but not since
August now), which has been a great support.

Also you're not on your own regarding your past relationship 'mistakes' someone started a thread further down where a few of us shared our stories that led us up to this point- interesting reading!
Best of luck x


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## HelpLorna

Hey Natalia,

Also wanted to offer some support to you.  Hopefully the sadness will be replaced by hope and excitement.  Try not to be too hard on yourself about the 'mistakes' - I really do believe that having a baby with the wrong person is just as hard as having one on your own - I know that is easy to say when I haven't had either - but I have family who have to deal with exes and child rearing and it is far from easy - if they weren't right, then likely they wouldn't be the right person for you now either.  Anyway, hope you find some inspiration/hope/advice on this site and that you start to feel better soon,

LuckyE - I have only been on here for a matter of months, and really do find it helpful - I hope you do too!  Good luck with the journey!

L xx


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## Blondie71

Lorna yayyyyyy just saw your siggy huge congrats   and I completely agree you could do alot worse than having a child on your own, having the right mental attitude and the right support in place is a great start x


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## HelpLorna

Thank you Blondie - v early days so trying not to be too excited - but am ridiculously excited inside!  xx


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## suitcase of dreams

sending some    Natalia
it is hard when our dreams/expectations (eg to have a husband & family) don't match reality, and harder still when we realise that time is running out
wishing you all the best with telling your boyfriend about your fertility results - hopefully he will be supportive and you can try for a child together (if that's what you want) but equally, there's plenty of support here if you decide to go down the SMC route
good luck!
Suitcase
x


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## natalia38

Suitcase thank you, you are very sweet! Lorna congratulations!! Broodychick thank you for your support. I dont live in London, i live in Greece, where it is quite rare for a woman to become a SMC. People are more traditional here and that isn't very helpful! I think i should stop blaming myself for my past choices. It is pointless anyway. I admire all of you girls that you had the courage to make this decision to have a baby on your own.  It is so hard for me!


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## BroodyChick

Just a word of caution Natalia, I don't know what your situation is like in Greece but before you make any final decisions about your relationship have a good think and plan about your support network.
I don't want to scare anyone off but I've seen both sides of the coin in as much as I was in a relationship when DS was born and then my partner left us.
My family don't live in the Uk and I relied on my ex to be around for me and the baby, when that support got taken away I found myself in a very scary and lonely place. Friends all have their own lives, jobs and families and it is very hard doing 24/7 baby care 7 days a week with nobody even to hold them for 10 minutes or make you a cup of tea.
You may well have a large and supportive family network in Greece, I don't know, or perhaps you have that one special friend who is able to spend a regular few hours with your baby so you can get a break or some chores done.
As they say it takes a village to raise a child. I'm hopefully now getting some support from a charity. I can't even complete my application for housing benefit as I've not completed my tax return yet... My brain is just fried in the evenings.
How old is your partner, and do you know what he's waiting for?
Many men need a gentle nudge (read: firm kick up the backside) to come to a conclusion but may very well relish fatherhood.
If he's not abusive and you love him, he sounds like a good option...x


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## natalia38

Broodychick, my mother lives quite close although i am not sure how much help she can offer, as she takes care of my father who has dementia.  I also have a nice neighbour who has asked me several times if i have any friends with babies to babysit for. She is a nice lady, i have known her for years. My sister also lives here so she could offer some help.
My boyfriend is 33 years old and he says that he feels that i dont love him as much as he loves me. He is afraid that if i have a baby with him i will leave him. From my side,  the fact that he doesnt try to have a baby with me, but uses a condom  makes me angry and i feel cold towards him. Go figure. He is not abusive, he is tender and nice and i care about him and love him. It's just that i was never so much in love with him because we are not so compatible in some things. We have a different educational, mental background. This mismatch affects me emotionally and he realizes it and feels i dont love him enough.


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## BroodyChick

And here we have it again... The reason so many gorgeous, intelligent women find themselves single and involuntarily childless boils down to the fact that men like to 'down date', ie find a partner who's less intelligent and more devoted than themselves... Cue an excess of stupid, loser men and clever, high achieving women in the dating pool.
What a shame he thinks like that, if he realised how much more likely you are to stay with him once you have a child he'd knock you up before christmas! Great you have such reliable support x


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## Tincancat

Well.said Broody that's exactly the problem many of us on here find:  are there no intelligent single men around?


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## natalia38

Girls you are right. But it is so disappointing. I am really tired of searching for a man.. I thought that British men are better in a way. Taller and more open minded.  Aren't they?


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## Blondie71

hahaha Natalia I can't wait to read the ladies comments on British men  

Are you Greek or a diff nationality living in Greece? I used Serum in Athens so my donor is Greek, my boys love their food and they like to take their time with food and really enjoy and expect several courses one after the other lol (yes I've completely spoilt and indulged them) I'm like a waitress for them, I always say to people they appear more Greek in their attitude!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

_I thought that British men are better in a way. Taller and more open minded. Aren't they?_

just one word really Natalia: NO!!


----------



## Tincancat

No way are they taller or open minded!

My little Vikings have a Danish donor Dad so potentially they can be tall like myself.  I have trouble finding a tall man at all let alone clever.  Seems all the tall clever men prefer very short women.  Most men are frightened off by strong independent women.
TCC x


----------



## natalia38

Ok you all convinced me about British men!  Broodychick you are SO correct! Blondie I am Greek. Try not to spoil your British-Greek boys because they will torture their girlfriends later. They will compare them to you!  
Tincancat I understand you. I am tall too. Not too tall though. Men like independent women with a strong personality but at the same time they are afraid of them and maybe at the end they prefer to have a family with more submissive women.
Personally maybe it was my ''fault'' too. I was attracted to smart, sexy and funny men but they didn't prove to be reliable and stable for a relatioship. Then i rejected more serious men that i could have a relationsip with, because i found them somewhat too serious and maybe a little boring. And then time just passed. I don't know but it is not healthy to blame myself either. What about you? We should go for coffee together!


----------



## Tincancat

Where you based Natalia?  I'm North West but I know there are people that meet up in London from this forum.
TCCx


----------



## natalia38

Tincancat i don't even live in Britain!


----------



## Tincancat

Sorry baby brain in double dose affecting me!   You have all this to look forward to.  Of course you said before Greece.
TCCx


----------



## Blondie71

Haha Natalia _way too late_ they are spoilt rotten by everybody around them too! Granny is the worst tho lol.

Pls post on the Greek threads about a coffee meetup as there are a fair few single women going to Athens and am sure they'd love to meet up  I wish I knew you were there when I went as it's fairly lonely over there by yourself


----------



## BroodyChick

Tall Englishmen? Tell me where to find them!
My ex was over 6'4'' but that is extremely rare!!


----------



## natalia38

Blondie, I understand it must be really hard to go through all that by yourself, especially in a foreign country.. You really must have guts. But  it was all worth it, wasn't it? Broodychick when i was 14 i had a very handsome, tall english teacher and i thought British men are like him!


----------



## frankheart

Hi ladies, I hope this tread is still active...
I'm new to FF, I've read a lot and posted on the Iakentro clinic board but I figured I'd introduce myself here...
I'm 40, from Canada, been single for a long time and in the last year and a half I've done all I can to become a mother but sadly my eggs are too old. Plus, the fact that I had ovarian cancer as a teenager left me with half of my reproductive system...
I definitely need help so, in late February I'll be going to Greece for a double donation frozen transfer...very excited about that, kinda my last chance.

Hope everybody had a great Christmas and I wish you all a great 2015 filled with serenity and baby dust...


----------



## BroodyChick

Welcome frankheart, and good luck!
It's unfortunate that your eggs are 'too old' I know a number of forty sth ladies who were lucky but in the end of the day it's a baby that matters and not just their genes!
Hopefully you will be successful on your new cycle x


----------



## frankheart

Thank you Broodychick...i really dont have a good ovarian reserve maybe the chemo did more harm than we thought (there's not a lot of studies on these side effects)
But I'm ok with it, like you said, having my baby is all that matter...I'll love him/her just the same.


----------



## Hels82

Hi everyone! I'm a new poster but definitely not a new lurker! I have followed this forum for about 3-4 years now! I've always known I want kids and have had the idea of using donor sperm for years should I not meet the right person. I broke up with my last boyfriend about a year ago as he told me he wouldn't be ready for kids for at least 10 years(!!!!!) He was 30 and I am now almost 33 so I was not going to wait that long or even waste any more time 'in case' he decided he was ready earlier. I know what I want and I'm not prepared to wait around for childish guys wanting to stay in their endless childhoods! I did internet dating for the last year too and after about 10 dates I never even found someone I wanted to meet again even once!!!!

So. Even though I've researched this in a brief way over the years this is my year of final research before hopefully taking the plunge end of this year or early next year.
I'll be 33 next month so I am hoping to get the ball rolling before I'm 34! Just need this year to get a few more things sorted out etc. Finances (I'm self employed) so need to budget for maternity leave etc. plus find out if my "boss" (I work self employed but at a regular place) will keep me on after a baby or not. He's really nice but I never count on these things!

Also going to book myself in to some open days and meetings such as at clinics and the donor conception network etc.

And finally take a closer look at my support network. I'm an only child, my father passed away in 2013 and my mother is almost 70. I only have family in Scotland and Suffolk. I'm in london. I do luckily have good friends who I already know would support my decision but I'm well aware these people have their own lives etc.

So anyway that's my story! I look forward to getting more involved once I'm further ahead with everything!

Good luck everyone else on your journey!


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Hels, we're overdue a London meetup, in case you want to suggest some dates on the relevant thread!
Welcome and sorry about your immature ex. As luck would have it I broke up with someone for the same reason ten years ago, LO and behold he got married five years ago... men!
Then when I thought I met my mr Right and planned my baby with him (frozen emby) he left us when baby was 3 months!
Having no family support in the UK I'd decided on co parenting but that's another story that didn't quite work out.
However I wish you a baby as cute as mine 
Best of luck with researching your options!


----------



## sazzle78

Hi, I am 36 years old and single and have now made the decision to go ahead with donor insemination   I am looking at several clinics in scotland and hoping to have my 1st consultation in april (funds permitting) I have been on several sites but this seems to be the most informative and real one i have found so far. Any advice would be welcome.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi sazzle, the only advice I have is to get your support network (and backup) ready during your pregnancy. It's incredibly hard raising a baby without another person
Best of luck with your treatment! Where are you getting the DS from?


----------



## Tincancat

Yep I would agree.  It's tough in parts and.some nice rewards in others.  Support is essential and if you don't have it you may need to pay for additional help.  Consider treatment abroad too as often costs much less.
TCCx


----------



## natclare

Hels82 lurking for 4 years and it's your first post! Wow! Welcome and best of luck from me.
x


----------



## indekiwi

Welcome Frankheart, Hels82 and Sazzle78!  


Frankheart, I have two double donor children - it might have been my second choice in terms of how I had my girls, but never second best.    Good luck in Athens!


Hels, good on you for outing yourself!    Best of luck getting all your ducks in a row.


Sazzle, there is a growing group of Scots who meet reasonably regularly.  Shout if you want to be put in touch.   


Personally, I find it can occasionally be tough having children on your own, but more often than not, it is fairly straightforward.  I have three children, all donor conceived as a single woman, and my family all live on the other side of the world.  Most of the support network I originally thought I'd have is not there on a day to day basis (personal circumstances and priorities change over time), while the one that I do have now comprises parents (singles and couples) I have met since having the kids.  Being several years down the line now, I think the biggest challenge that I and many of my SMC friends face is finding reliable and affordable childcare. I would suggest that if you are able to earmark some money to cover this major expense, it will be a real boon in future years and make life considerably easier.  


A-Mx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

hello and welcome to all the recent newcomers, and most importantly, good luck   

I would mostly agree with A-M, there are indeed some upsides to single parenthood too - never having to compromise, discuss or debate with anyone else but being able to make all your own decisions and do what you want to do   Balancing work and childcare is also my biggest challenge...the more you can do now to have money and plans in place for that, the better

wishing you all the best whichever path you are taking towards motherhood,
Suitcase
x


----------



## Larkrise

Hi there,
I am new to this thread.  Was hoping to cycle this month but discovered immune issues so am doing a course of humira.  Now that I have made the decision to go ahead, I just want to start as I know time is not on my side!!  

I am about to sit down and look at Xytex (which my clinic recommended) and wondered how you all went about choosing your donor?  I am CMV -ve which reduces the pool somewhat so I may not have a lot of choice.  

Wishing everyone huge luck.  Let's hope 2015 is our year!

LR x


----------



## natclare

Dear Larkrise, I was in the same position CMV negative. I seem to remember I was down to a pool of about 10 from xytex which made it weirdly easier than had I had a bigger choice. For me (in no particular order) reasons for selecting were: open ID, reasons for donating, education, emotional intelligence, looks (he looks like me), no problems with eyes & teeth (way better than me), the information on his family (their jobs and health), his essay, confirmed pregnancy. The adult photo was important to me. My only surprising observation about myself was that height ended up not mattering anywhere near as much as I thought it would compared to how well he had done at university and my gut feeling about this being a nice person who was doing it for the right reasons. Once I found the right one, I found it very easy to make the decision and did this in less than 48h. Other people have parties with their girlfriends or nearest and dearest to help them choose and find that works for them. Wishing you all the very best! x


----------



## Larkrise

Dear Natclare, Thank you so much for your message.  What you say makes such sense and I think I just need to get on with it now!
Thanks again and good luck to you.
LR x


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Larkrise 
If you are cycling in this country you will have to choose an open donor.  I too am CMV negative but I don't recall my options beimg that drastically cut from Xytex.  For me he had to be tall like me plus educational achievement was important.  Then looks came into play making final decision on my open donor.  Sadly I miscarried to my open donor and eventually had treatment in Cyprus where I had to chose an anonymous donor from Cryos. This time I have much less information and no photos and in fact it doesn't bother me at all now:  I'm just happy to finally have my boys.
TCC x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

the CMV negative thing is an interesting one
my UK clinic insisted I had CMV negative donor 
when I went abroad (where I was ultimately successful) they didn't even ask about CMV and I have no idea if my donors (used egg and sperm donor in the end) were positive or negative....

x


----------



## Izzyblue

Just to say hi 

Back on the roller coaster again of meds, injections and scans... And no doubt my doc will be as miserable as he was last time as he looks at the scan and tuts over how few follicles and potential eggs there are.  I know I don't want to be lied to.... But he could at least crack a smile lol. 

Hope all is well with your worlds xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Izzy.  Good luck with IUI. I got pregnant in my forties with IUI but sadly miscarried.  Eventually needed to go for double donor and delighted I did as it took away most of my worries over miscarriage and chromosome problems.
TCCx


----------



## Altai

Lark - good luck with donor choice. I remember that there were enought cmv -donors. 
I am cmv + but ended up with cmv- donor. 
Just wrote down your main criteria for donor and try to stick to them. Overall, I thought the experience  was like online shopping. 

Izzy - my docs stopped telling me about my rubbish eggs & low chances, I suppose they gave up 

I have one vial of sperm left in Lister & turned out I cannot even give it away. Got to be destroyed. What a waste!


----------



## Larkrise

Thanks TCC, Suitcase and Altai.  Good luck Izzy. x


----------



## gero

Hi folks, can I aska few questions please? What does CMV & SMC mean? And if you have donor sperm in UK do you get the fathers details for later in life or is it always anonymous?


----------



## suitcase of dreams

SMC = single mother(s) by choice
CMV = http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cytomegalovirus/Pages/Introduction.aspx

if you use donor sperm in the UK then you will receive some basic info when you first have treatment (just physical characteristics - non identifying), and can, I believe, request a little more info (eg if the donor wrote a letter to any future children, still nothing which could identify him) when the child is born
then, when the child is 18, they can request full name and contact information (assuming that this is available - it may be the last known info which could be quite out of date) for the donor

hope this helps, and welcome  
x

/links


----------



## Apple_xx

Hello, 

I'm new on here. I'm thinking of going down the single mum route and have read a lot of useful advice on a number of threads. 

I have one main thing I am struggling with at the moment in my thinking and that is what do you say to your child (assuming you end up with one through the process) about how come they have no daddy? Has anyone got experience of what they have said or thought about what they would say? This is a big one for me in the decision, is it just selfish to want a child that much that you deny them a father? I just am really thinking about how the child will feel about my decision when they are old enough to ask and to understand.

The other question I have is are all clinics welcoming of single women? (I'm based in london) or are some more geared to couples?

Thanks so much in advance for any thoughts/ advice.
Apple


----------



## Larkrise

All the clinics I talked to are very welcoming to single women.  You will though have to have at least one session of implication counselling before you are allowed to start.  This session is actually really useful and you can bring up your concerns about what to tell your child.  The other great website to look at is the Donor Conception Network which has a section just for solo mums.  They have books that you can read to your child which introduces the concept of donors etc.  Should everything go well, I have decided to be honest with my child, especially as I am single, but I am sure it is a little more of a tricky decision if you are using donor sperm as a couple.  Things have moved on so much now with modern families and if you are prepared to go through all that IVF or fertility treatments have to offer, then I think there is no doubt how much that child is wanted and loved.

I know I spent a long time thinking over everything as it is not a light decision to make but I looked very deep inside and knew this was something I had to do...

Good luck with everything. 

LR x


----------



## Blondie71

Apple I agree with Larkrise and just wanted to touch on the point you raised about it possibly being selfish, Isn't it selfish to have a child fullstop?? nobody asks to be born do they? and it's a roll of the dice what type of family you are born into, I know I'd much rather have the complete and utter love of one parent who adored me and went half way round the world to conceive me than to have two crappy parents who couldn't give a toss x


----------



## BroodyChick

How about the selfish people who DON'T have children (out of choice), but rely on our offspring to pay their pensions!?
Or those Peter Pan guys wasting women's fertile years...

Yes the DCN are great, and advise parents to tell their children how they were conceived. Wish my story was as straightforward as an order from the sperm bank!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

welcome Apple 

DCN run workshops for those considering becoming parents by sperm (and/or egg) donation - they have specific ones for single women/lesbians which may be of interest. They also run 'Talking and Telling' workshops which can be useful once you have a child - worth looking into

I have nearly 4yr old twin boys who are double donor conceived abroad (anon donors). Thus far they know that we don't have a daddy in our family (part of a wider on-going conversation about how there are lots of different kinds of families), they also know that it takes 'seed' from a man and eggs from a lady to make a baby, but that mummy's eggs didn't work so she went to see a doctor who found a man and lady to help her make a baby, and that man and lady are called donors. And we don't know much about them but mummy is very happy they helped her. 
I made them a story book which basically says the above and we read it from time to time (when they choose it) - they are mostly interested in the picture of me with my bump and the picture of the aeroplane (going to the clinic abroad)!

At this point none of the above bothers them one way or another - it simply is what it is. They know that other kids at nursery have mummies & daddies, but are very matter of fact about us not having a daddy in our family. They start school this year and I am anticipating perhaps more questions then - as other children start to ask them questions. But that's fine, we'll figure it out I'm sure. 

And after all, plenty of people who start out with a mum and dad (myself included since my dad died when I was young) don't end up with both of them. And really, who is to say for sure that having a mum and a dad is somehow 'better' than having a mum, or a mum and a nanny (we live with my mum), or two mums, or anything else? In many other countries around the world (think Africa, India, large parts of Asia), children are brought up by any number of relatives/wider family - including grandparents, aunts/uncles etc. We have, to some extent I think, been a bit conditioned to believe that the only and best way to bring up children is in a man+woman relationship (ideally with that man & woman being married). I'm not anti men, anti marriage or anything else but I do think that we single mums by choice often tend to beat ourselves up a bit too hard about this idea of 'denying' our children a dad. At the end of the day we are not denying them anything. They've never had a dad so they don't know what they are missing. And you may meet someone in future who becomes their dad anyway (being a dad isn't about the sperm...)

Right, I have waffled on quite long enough! I did have quite a bit of counselling during my fertility journey (took 3.5yrs from starting to becoming pregnant and there were lots of ups and downs along the way) - and I found it very useful. Worth having a few additional sessions, either with clinic counsellor or another one (BICA can provide a list) to work through these thoughts and concerns. 

Best of luck to you,
x

PS am sure others will be along to say the same thing, but one thing I know for sure is that not one single one of the single mums by choice that I know, regrets her decision for a single second, even when our kids ask 'difficult' questions


----------



## Apple_xx

Thanks for the comments and advice guys, it's really helpful to hear all this.
The DCN looks really useful.

I hope everything goes well for you Larkrise

Very true Blondie71 and BroodyChick

Really helpful and thought provoking Suitcase of Dreams

xx


----------



## Larkrise

Thanks Apple - same to you. LR x


----------



## Louboo

I am new too..

I learned so much already, and have opened my mind to going forward with having a baby on my own.

Here is the short version of my bio:

I'm 34 (and a half!!)

I am currently in a Long term relationship but the having a baby is the deal breaker, so *I* am working out how to go solo... could be a long journey!

Boyfriend is 41, we have been together over 6 years, lived together for 4 years. When we met he said gave me the speech _I am looking for a wife, and mother of my children._ I though ohhhh gosh that sounds serious, as I just been through a divorce which was mutual, no kids, no discussion on having kids as was not ready. Anyway boyfriend seemed nice and is generally nice, so thought this sounds promising for the future BUT

About 18 months ago I felt we should talk about planning to start a family, or even getting married to start off. And it has been downhill ever since, apparently saying _I am looking for a wife, and mother of my children_ actually is a filter for weeding out hook-ups or flaky daters. Apparently it does not in anyway mean that he wants to get married or have children. Apparently we have never discussed this plan, which we have and apparently buying a property with someone is not a sign you want to be with them forever ... but I see I was blind to ALL the MANY delay tactics such as in a year/ one we have paid of xx / I'm not ready yet/ when we buy a property/ not now the dog is sick / I need to buy a new car .... etc are all delay tactics 

It's very sad to me, as we have had a good relationship, as far as I know both faithful, no signs otherwise, and now I have a lot to do set up on my own, no savings etc. He will find it hard too as I do so much for him and he is close with my family, but I told him it is his choice.

It will take time, so I want to prepare and I know I want a baby, and meeting someone and it all working is too much of a risk.

Lou


----------



## missowen

Dear all

Not posted on here for a long time so not kept up with stuff sorry. Just wonders if anyone else wants to opt out of valentines day?


----------



## Tincancat

Go for it Lou he's wasted enough of your time 

Yes I always want to opt out of valentines day.l Miss Owen 
TCC x


----------



## Larkrise

Yup, definitely opting out of Valentine's Day!
Happy weekend everybody.
LR x


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Lou
A friend of mine is in a similar situation, she's in a relationship withy a guy who already has kids and she started first egg freezing, then IVF with DS on her own (while still living with this guy). She didn't get pregnant. The latest news is that he's come around to now trying with her naturally. 
What is your boyfriends reason for not wanting kids? Will you stay with him anyway and make him a stepdad? Or move out and go it on your own?
Just making sure you know all of this is SO much easier with a guy, I'm so sorry he wasted all this time of your life though if he's serious about not wanting kids.
Keep us posted!

Re V-day: I want to meet with other single mums/women in London and just have a laugh and celebrate all that is good in life!


----------



## missowen

Thanks TCC - it's started already, everywhere you look and we are still in January!

Good idea Broody chick celebrate the 14th but for some other reason


----------



## myboxerstella

Hello all, I'm new to the site. I live in the States and was directed to this forum by some friends on a ** support group. Anyhow, I'm 39 and started TTC about 6 years ago. I tried ICI at home, with & with out Clomid. Finally went to a Reproductive Endocrinologist last year. My Amh is so low it didn't register on the test (which goes down to 0.65). Everything else looks great though, I always had great linings and my SonoHSG was clear. So I decided I wanted to try IUI. I did 2 IUI cycles, medicated of course. I was able to grow several follicles to size, but still didn't get pregnant. So I changed RE's (due to insurance) and went through IVF. It took me 2 days to recover from the retrieval! Again, I had several follicles but when they did the retrieval they only got 3 eggs. When the lab went to fertilize them, only 2 were mature enough to be fertilized. So they transferred both back in me even though one was graded a 2 and one a 4 out of 5. Now I'm on to donor embryo, I've been on Miracles Waiting for a year with no luck. Nobody wants to donate their embies to a single lady. 

Sorry for the long story, but I'm now looking at going to an international clinic. I really want to go to a clinic in the Czech Rep, because of their success, prices, and my G-Grandma immigrated from there. I don't have a ton of money, which is one of the reasons I'm not doing this in the states. Problem is that I hear they require a signed paper from a boyfriend accepting responsibility. I think I could get a friend to help out, but was wondering if there are any alternatives? I know there are other clinics, but I'm blonde w/ grey eyes which makes it a little more difficult if I want my baby to resemble me. I also have to worry about cost coming from the US, for example travel alone will cost me as much as the procedure at Reprofit.    Suggestions or ideas would be great!

-Stella


----------



## suitcase of dreams

welcome Stella

have a look at Serum in Athens (Greece) - would assume travel costs similar to Czech and clinic prices are also quite similar I think. they have a good range of donors there including those of Eastern European origin and they have very good success rates 

because it is illegal to treat single women in Czech, you would need the paperwork signed as per Reprofit's request whereas in Greece this is not the case so you may be more comfortable going there?

wishing you the very best of luck
x


----------



## kt1985

I would second serum greece. I am a single lady and began my journey last year. Serum and penny are very supportive and offer a wide range of treatments tailored to you. Penny is the most marvellous lady and will do everything she can to help you have a baby x


----------



## goingforthemiracle

I totally agree with the other ladies. Right now I am at Serum and I can not recommend thrm high enough. They are wonderful and very caring. Worthy trying.


----------



## Blondie71

I'm a serum girl too you will be treated equally like you deserve to be x

Ps serum offer embryo adoption if you aren't too worried about specific characteristics for only 3000 euro so that's a huge saving on double donation


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Stella 
Try Dogus in Cyprus.  International island with American and British army bases so lots of the female donors are British or American.  Male donor is chosen from Cryos website.  Dogus will only need a single visit for treatment which is the advantage over serum who usually have you out for a hysteroscopy first.

Please be aware that there are two websites for Dogus as two Doctors run clinics there.  I went with Dr F.  Please feel free to PM me.

Good Luck 
TCC


----------



## jeannieb

Just had my FET today.Have been trying on my own for the past 2 years and would love to talk to anybody in the same boat.As much as friends try to help they dont really " get it".would love to hear from anybody else to share the ups and downs with.This is my 5th cycle and still hoping for a ositive outcome


----------



## Cloudy

Welcome!

We have a section just for single ladies, there are quite a few who know how you must be feeling: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=403.0

Some of the ladies also go into the chat room and get togtether for a chin wag 

Loads of luck for your FET 

Xxx


----------



## Blondie71

Oh my goodness come on over to our singles board   there are a fair few of us on FF myself included x


----------



## Apple_xx

Hello again, 

I wanted to ask about people's experience with getting support from family and friends.. I have the support of my mum but my dad is being 'practical' about it and thinks I should freeze my eggs. How will a single woman with a child meet a partner and it will be lonely and tiring.. I have my eyes open to both these things but right now I want a child more than I want to spend time trying to meet a partner (and delay the chance of having a child). I have been looking for a partner for the last 5 years!

A bit of background to my situation- I recently got pregnant by accident and then miscarried at 10 weeks. It has been quite heartbreaking recovering from the miscarriage but at least I know I can get pregnant. 

Has anyone had trouble getting their family on board with their decision?
Apple


----------



## Larkrise

I'm so sorry to hear about your mc.  I have only told a few people but those I have told have been 1000% behind me.  My mum and dad have been just fab too.  I think I am older than you Apple so have decided that I have run out of time to settle down with someone and have a child in the 'traditional' way.  I may be making the chance of a future relationship a bit trickier but I ain't been having a great deal of luck over the last decade anyway.  Support is of course incredibly important but it can't be other people's opinions that make the decision for you - it has to be you and you alone.  I really would think about having a counseling session especially as you have gone though the devastation of a miscarriage.  Take care of yourself.
LRx


----------



## Izzyblue

Sorry to hear that Apple. Take care of yourself x For support - I don't think most of my family were massively behind the idea whilst it was an idea - but once I started the process of appointments and then sadly MC, everyone fully behind it and part of my cheerleading squad. Dad gave me the money for this IUI  - hoping its a lucky omen for me 

Take care
Xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

apple, sorry to hear about the recent miscarriage

I was nearly 38 when I started ttc and my family knew I'd wanted kids for ages so they were totally behind me - that said it's just my mum and sisters as my dad died when I was a teenager. think perhaps it's harder for dads sometimes, and I'm sure he's just worried about you too 
could you ask your mum to have a quiet word with him to help get him on side perhaps? 

at the end of the day though, it's your life, so you just need to do what feels right for you - am sure your dad will come round, especially once he has a new grandchild  

good luck!
x


----------



## Apple_xx

Thanks everyone. Ultimately it's my decision but I do want the support of family, as it will not be easy, the process as well as bringing up a child on my own (if it happens). I will ask my mum to bring him round.

Sorry to hear about your mc Izzyblue. I think it's especially hard not being with someone to be able to just try getting pregnant again, that a lot of others I know who have experienced a mc are able to do. I hope you are ok. 

Recovering from the mc has been compounded by the fact I learnt this week that my younger sister is expecting twins.. That definitely felt like a life isn't fair moment. 

LR I'm 37. My philosophy is that you can fall in love at any age, but you can't have a kid at any age. I have seen a therapist to help get through things, although I realise that getting over the mc will take a while (happened just before Xmas).

I'm going to an open evening at a clinic next week. Slowly inching my way forward in the process of finding out more.


----------



## Louboo

BroodyChick said:


> Hi Lou....
> What is your boyfriends reason for not wanting kids? Will you stay with him anyway and make him a stepdad? Or move out and go it on your own?
> Just making sure you know all of this is SO much easier with a guy, I'm so sorry he wasted all this time of your life though if he's serious about not wanting kids.
> Keep us posted!


Hi and thank everyone for making me welcome...
I know this would be easier with a man, which is sort of why I have stayed so long whilst the boyfriend has dangled the carrot all these years. Not meaning that as a euphemism there!

The problem with the boyfriend is he does not flat out say he doesn't want kids, he says '*he does want kids, just not yet.*' If I ask when, in a year, 2 years, 5 years? He says he doesn't know, just not yet. I have pointed out that trying is one thing and even if by a miracle we did try and get pregnant instantly it's 9 months min.

Even my mum ( who treats my boyfriend like her son) says he is one of those people who hates confrontation so would rather say maybe than no. My feeling is he just doesn't want to. He would rather leave it as a maybe. He has 2 brothers who both have young kids but are both very hands-off dads, maybe it's an upbringing thing? Ironically though his sister is a nanny.

When I met him he had a small dog, honestly the dedication to the dog was amazing, so loving. After the dog died last year, I thought this might be a point where he would consider trying for a baby. But no. I missed the dog so much I wanted to have a new one. Boyfriend didn't really want new dog and I went ahead and now he just avoids the puppy. So I know 100% without his agreement it won't work staying living together. 

Also since mentioning the lets start trying for a baby he is anti sex. Just incase ....

I'm not sure what my family would say?

And valentines can do one.


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## natalia38

Hi Loubou, why don't you freeze your eggs? You are at a good  age to do it and at the same time you can have an open discussion with your boyfriend. Ask him what his honest concerns are( sorry  but "the dog is sick " doesn't sound such a serious explanation.) I have the same problem with you but I am 38 and a half so It's not the same. I am under much more pressure.


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## natclare

Dear Louboo, First of all welcome! It really is such a dilemma isn't it... I am not sure that freezing your eggs is the answer. I wondered how your boyfriend would feel about creating embryos with him and freezing those - it is something that I think you may consider discussing with him if nothing else but to see his reaction. If you are definite that you want to stay together and you yourself are prepared to wait a few years then this would win you some time but may put you in a quandary if he decides he is never going to be ready and you would need his permission to use them at a later date. I would personally have as much of an open discussion with him as you can now, lay out the pros and cons, try not to fight about it but work through it very logically together and help him to understand that you will walk away if you cannot agree. Then comes the hard part if you have to separate because that will be very, very hard. I had a similar situation in some ways but my boyfriend was honest and told me that he had thought long and hard about it, but that he could not have (more) children so we decided together that we had to separate - very much a joint decision although heart breaking. As you will see from my signature, I did not and still do not feel ready to do this on my own but I am certainly moving in that direction. If you do separate I would really encourage you to take some time if you can before jumping into any kind of actual treatment but I would try and relatively quickly work out your options. The way to do this would be to have a consultation at a local fertility clinic which may cost around 200 pounds and some tests to find out what your fertility is looking like. Freezing embryos (using a donor) may be one way of getting the ball rolling if you are not ready to be pregnant immediately and certainly in my case has given me a bit of breathing space. However, you need to know that all IVF is expensive and, pending your fertility tests, you may be better off trying IUI to start off with. You may also be able to participate in an egg share scheme until you are 35 (some seem to take you until your 36th birthday) which would mean you do not pay for your IVF treatment, but you would share half of the eggs collected anonymously as a donor. I bet your head is reeling at the moment with all the options but just try to take things one step at a time. Give yourself a time limit to come to a conclusion with your boyfriend, maybe have a consultation now (you needn't tell him about it) and start to work out a plan either with him or without him. I know how hard it is and really send you my best wishes at this really difficult time. Best wishes xxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi Apple, and welcome!
So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, if you need support there's a great chat thread on here for people who suffered losses. It helped me loads to talk to others in the same situation after both my mc's.
As for your dad, he may be unaware that freezing eggs isn't all it's cracked up to be despite recent media attention. There have been VERY few actual babies born of frozen eggs and it may not be worth the expense. To give you some idea, many countries don't offer this for women over 38 at all because of low success rate, and you may need around 30 good quality eggs to give you some hope at all, which could be as many as 10rounds of stimulation and egg collection - all with associated days off work and £££!

Your dad will love his grandchild however they appear in your life! If your mum is offering practical help (essential! You cannot raise a baby totally on your own...believe me I'm trying!) then that is very positive indeed and will make all the difference to your experience.
I'd urge you all to join the DCN, had a meeting with some fellow single mums in London last week and it was so nice to meet others in the same boat


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## suitcase of dreams

welcome, and good luck hun! hope the 2WW isn't too painful - fingers crossed for a positive result this time  

loads of us singlies here, at all stages of the process - I have nearly 4 yr old twin boys after many years of ttc...

jump in and chat - everyone is very welcoming

all the best,
Suitcase
x


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## jeannieb

Thanks ladies,its great to know that there are others doing the same thing.Even though my friends are lovely some of them think Im a bit mad going on my own .Still Im not sure about this one,before whe Ive had BFP Iv e always had symptoms,but none this time so not feeling very hopeful tonight! .My OTD is not till the 16th,should have been 14th but my clinic doesnt do the bloods at the weekend so an extra couple of days of torture(if I get that far)


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## daisyg

Hi Jeannieb,

Lots of singles on FF for support.  I am an older single mum to 8 year old donor embryo twins.

Just to let you know that in addition to FF you may want to take a look at the Donor Conception Network website.  They have a large number of single women thinking, trying, or already with children and are a great source of support.

Best of luck,

Daisy xx


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## jeannieb

Thanks Daisy, its great to hear positive outcomes.Gives me hope .Will definately take a look at that. OTD 16th so still struggling through the 2ww just now and


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## frankheart

Welcome Jeannieb,

I'm also doing this by myself, tried with my own eggs 2 times last years without succes. I'll be going for a double donation FET in 2 weeks (I'm from Canada, going to Greece for it)

I'm my case only my close family and a few friends know about it all and are very supportive but like you said, it's not exactly the same as some of the ladies who actually know what it's like...once people will found out I'm pregnant they will have questions and I'll happily answer but for now I don't want to deal with their hopefulness and questions...

Good luck with this cycle


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## Louboo

natclare said:


> Dear Louboo, First of all welcome! It really is such a dilemma isn't it... I am not sure that freezing your eggs is the answer. I wondered how your boyfriend would feel about creating embryos with him and freezing those - it is something that I think you may consider discussing with him if nothing else but to see his reaction.......
> .... I had a similar situation in some ways but my boyfriend was honest and told me that he had thought long and hard about it, but that he could not have (more) children I know how hard it is and really send you my best wishes at this really difficult time. Best wishes xxx


Did try to have a little chat with the boyfriend about donor sperm, if he didn't want to try for a baby. He just rolled his eyes and left the room. Hadn't thought of egg freezing !

The more I think about leaving him over the *if/when* baby issue, the more I feel cross about having to be the person that leaves. He gets his way at the moment I stay, I keep paying towards our lifetstyle, no baby, everything is the same.

We have both paid for the property we live in and why should I leave and give up everything? Even if we sold it both us would struggle to buy anything solo and even rents seem to be crazy. No wonder my renting friends are staying put, as they say the monthly charges would be more if they moved and having looked I can see why 

I feel for you too, as this whole type of situation is so emotional. It actually makes it so hard to research things because I just end up getting upset. Really good advice not to rush, and I think if I could egg freeze it would take pressure off me. I'm gutted I have felt ready for a family for years, but a lot more patience and waiting is needed!

Ultimately I feel like it's a choice between staying here with everything ready to start a family, but never getting the chance to try OR starting from scratch, no where to live, back to struggling to pay bills on my own, then needing to save for any treatments. Can I face making my life worst for the next 5 years to be able to make it happen?


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## Tincancat

Frozen embryos are more successful than frozen eggs.  If money is tight please consider freeze embryos with donor sperm.  I froze eggs and although formed good embryos failed to implant.  Admittedly frozen under old technology more than 10 years ago and used after 8 years freezing.
If I had my time again I would have frozen embryos as I never did meet anyone else and have now ended up using double donor to have my boys.  Wonderful as they are it would have been nice to have had the genetic link 

TCCx


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## BroodyChick

Louboo, five years?! How old are you?
Actually it's not about age. Wouldn't you resent him massively if you went through another five years of enforced childlessness without doing anything about it? I know I felt horrible in similar situations in the past and actually started meeting potential co-parents whilst still in a relationship which was looking to stay childless.
In the end, from breaking up with my uni boyfriend (a younger guy...) until I had my son took ten years, including two miscarriages.

All of us have our own stories, but my first pregnancy was actually not expected by my bf at the time although I'd told him I was coming off the pill. It just felt too hypocritical to still be taking it when I so desperately want a baby.
You don't mention what contraception you're using but if it's hormonal you could tell your bf you're stopping it so you can monitor your cycles to see if you're ovulating, then leave it up to him what he wants to do.
Seems a more straightforward option than single motherhood or starting again with someone else. I'm not saying lie to him, but tell him you're not using contraception anymore. He may surprise you.


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## Louboo

I'm 34, and not on the pill, I do not use any contraception and came off the pill about 2 years ago when I thought it would be a good time to start trying. I thought being on the pill over 10 years might be long enough too. I said to the boyfriend was up to him, so he lietrally rushed out and purchased some condoms. He decided he didn't like using them after a few months and that has been it really. No happy accidents because...

My boyfriend would rather skip sex than risk me getting pregnant (or use a condom). We do have sex sometimes (but sorry if TMI) but he will not risk finishing the job errrm indoors! The complete job has only happened once in 2 years , and it was not the right timing  I have been tracking cycles just on App.

The sex life was normal when I was on the pill. Why was I so honest about stopping?

Sex life is rubbish now really, but like you feel that taking contraceptives when wanting a baby is silly.

When I type this sounds like a great relationship huh! I know I need to leave, I know it's not going to happen, I just can't face it. You know someone after 6 years together.

I suppose I have always held onto the hope that as the boyfriend _says_ he wants a family, that if I just hold on a bit longer it's easier than going solo,as I cannot imagine trying to start again. But really it's broken.

I'm so bad at dating, I attract players (and fall for it and get played) or nice normal men apparently find me scary I've been told. I'm tall and I work in quite a male industry so I guess they don't get what they expect.

There is a guy I know through work who is a total player and kepts trying to sext me. I actually find myself thinking should I just go for it with him a few times as a means to an end. 

In reality I think going forward solo is better, safer and honest. I need to focus on a plan and just get on saving, once I am sorted I can go.


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## notamuggle

Hi Lou-boo

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. It seems like you know the right way forward although it must be terrifying to actually make that first move.

Going it alone has actually made  me feel really empowered, I feel like I've taken some control of my life, but I was easier for me as I was  already single and hadn't found the right person (or ieven the wrong person!) to settle down with!

Big big hugs, this forum is full of wonderful and inspiring single women who always have very useful advice x


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## BroodyChick

Not TMI Louboo, it's not an uncommon scenario.
One friend was with a guy like that from the age of 30 and by 38 finally had her first baby! Depends if you want to risk waiting that long... They have two kids now and are married but the guy's a very hands-off dad.
A baby changes so much, so if your partner isn't ready now while he's still relatively young and adaptable, it will be so much harder the older he gets.
My son's bio dad is late forties and can't even sit on the floor without back support. Of course you spend an entire year on the floor with a baby!


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## Louboo

Ohhh ... I'm not sure the Boyfriend is young now, he is already 41 and too many years of contact sport have already taken there toll and don't they always let you know about their pains! 

I had also 'hoped' for a 40th birthday crisis, but alas no.... I am so mean hoping he had a mid life crisis.


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## Louboo

notamuggle said:


> Big big hugs, this forum is full of wonderful and inspiring single women who always have very useful advice x


I am feeling a lot more focused now. Even just from writing out my woes on here, makes me think I need to take charge, stop waiting for someone else to decide my future. I know it's just the start of a long journey, but will keep you all posted...


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## BroodyChick

Those midlife crises can backfire! My ex walked out 3 months after baby's birth to concentrate on his hobby and bio kids!!x


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## mummytobe2015

Hi everyone,

I have been reading this forum for the last couple of weeks and I found your stories very inspirational and empowering. 

I am 27 years old and I would like to be a mum. However I have not met the MR. Right yet, so I am looking into becoming a single mother by choice (by using a purchase donor sperm), as I have always wanted to be a mum and also a young mum. I am have a very good job and small business on the side so financially I am very stable. I also have support from my family and friends which is very important to me. At this moment in time I feel psychologically, physically and financially ready to be mum, plus for me personally this is the best age for me to have a child. This is something that I have been considering for quite some time and I feel ready to make next step. 

I would like to know what are the first steps that I should take? Are there any tests that I should do before? Should I track my periods? (They are very regular) What clinic would you recommend in London? Should I try first IUI or go for IVF straight away? 

Look forward to reading your comments and advise


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## natclare

Hello there and welcome. You sound like you have really thought this through which is always a good place to start. Your clinic will give you a range of tests and some of these you can do at your GP... The main ones being AMH, FSH and contagious things like Hep and HIV. But go for a consultation & you will have the list soon enough. It is a good idea to think through all the questions you will have and write them all down to ask at your first consultation. At 27, I expect you will be recommended to do IUI first. You can of course do this in the UK but it is cheaper to do this abroad (in particular Denmark eg Storkklinik). IVF is much more expensive but the odds are much better & often I have heard people say they thought it was worth it because x IUI = 1 IVF anyway, not forgetting that you will have to pay for the donor sperm each time with IUI as presumably it won't work first time (although it might!). The other option is to egg share (this means you are an egg donor and half the eggs collected you use and the other half are donated anonymously). This also means your IVF and medications are free so a saving of £4k or so. You can do this 3 times so long as your fertility is ok and you are under 35. But of course you may not feel you want to be an egg donor - any child may contact you at 18 so it is a big decision. In terms of recommendations I would recommend the Lister from personal experience for IVF. I would also recommend going to the London Women's Clinic single women presentation which is free and really interesting. Please feel free to ask any other questions. You are not alone - there are a lot of ladies in London doing this. Xxx


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## bombsh3ll

Hi mummytobe2015,

As a 3 x IVF veteran who could only conceive this way, my advice would be that this should be your last option rather than your first.

I think in the first instance with a regular cycle, age on your side and assuming you have no reason to be concerned about your fertility (history of pelvic surgery or infection), I would take a step back from looking at profit hungry clinics and invasive medical procedures & start simple with ovulation sticks and home AI. Frozen DS which is screened for diseases can be purchased for this with the option to select donor characteristics.

Pursuing your dream as a single woman isn't an illness & doesn't need to be medicalised.

Best wishes with your next steps.

B xxx


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## BVTKE

Hello,
It's taken many years for me to get to this point. I'm relieved to find this support network on line and feel nervous about making this post. 
I'm soon to be 43 and remain childless. I ended a five year relationship in 2005 because my BF did not want children. I dated on/off for some time and got to a very happy single stage and was seriously considering going down the parenting route alone. 
I met someone in 2012 who has 5 children - three adults and two younger children. I put my cards on the table and told him I did not want to enter into the relationship unless he would consider children at some stage. He accepted this. we started trying in January 2014, I fell pregnant in April 2014 and miscarried in June 2014. Since then my relationship with BF has become strained with little hope of it lasting, possibly because of the pressure I have placed on having children. I have made the decision to become a sole parent and have an appointment next week, having already done the blood tests (My tests apparently are good - for my age!). I have the scan from my miscarriage so can save a little money on that. 
I did split up from my BF but he has persuaded me to stay together but I have been clear that I will be going through fertility alone as I do not want to have a child with him now for various reasons, mainly because I don't think our relationship is strong enough to last. I work with separated parents and see on a daily basis the contact/residence disputes children experience and know the harm it can cause.
My need to have a child is so much stronger than wanting my current relationship to work and I think if my BF was completely honest, he has never really wanted more children, it was very very difficult getting him to 'do the deed' for the past seven months or so.
It's funny how your life doesn't pan out how you always dream it to, but given my age, I don't think I can afford to put the decision off any longer, i hope it isn't too late for me. I understand the discussions I will need to have with the clinic will involve; obviously donor sperm, but also the possibility of donor eggs (due to mine possibly being of poor quality).
Any advice or recommended reading would be really appreciated.
Thank you in advance.


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## mummytobe2015

Thank you ladies for all your lovely advise.

natclare thanks your your lovely comment and suggestion. I will go for consultation soon I just want to make sure that I have all the facts ready before I go. I will definitely try to attend London Women's Clinic single women presentation. I saw they had one last week but unfortunately I have missed it. Hopefully they will have one soon. 

bombsh3ll thank you for your suggestion. As far as I know I dont have any fertility issues. I have never had any infections or STD etc. 

This is the first time I hear about possibility of home insemination. Would I still purchase the sperm from eg London sperm bank? And how would I actually go about home insemination? Is this safe? Sorry but I don't know anything about it. 

Look forward to your responses.


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## notamuggle

Welcome welcome welcome! 

Any questions let us know xxx


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## suitcase of dreams

Welcome and good luck to you both   


And some   for you BVTKE, sounds like you have had a tough time with the miscarriage last year.
You are right that given your age you may find donor eggs give you the best chance of success, but best thing would be to have a couple of consultations at different clinics and see what they advise and which feels right for you.
I have double donor twins and went abroad for my successful tx although did have several attempts in the UK before that - happy to answer any questions if I can help


x


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## Cortneywils

Hi mummytobe2015 

It's great to find someone in the same situation as me, I'm 28 and single and last year I tried home insemination with frozen donor sperm but ended in a bfn but will be trying again in may fingers crossed.

I feel the same as you no Mr. Right, and ready to be a mum. I still don't know what I'm going to say to my family though  

I'm here  if you have any questions


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## BVTKE

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am inspired by the stories and strength of the ladies on this site. X


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## mamochka

Bvtke - if you have good stats for your age you might as well get lucky using just donor sperm (as opposed to Partner of your age sperm). I got pg 2 weeks after my 43 birthday and since then lost my OH due to success with DS (my guess)


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## mummytobe2015

Hi Courtneywils

Lovely to hear from you. It's nice to know that other people are going through the same thing like me 

Are you only comfortable with home insemination or would you try IUI or IVF?

I don't know what your family is like, but don't worry about it too much. I am sure they will understand. My mum was very supportive as she understands the importance of being a mum, my friends as well. Some people have said to me that I should wait to do it the traditional way, but I have thought about this for a very long time and feel comfortable with my decision. My friends are only saying that because 1) they want the best for me and 2) some people are just comfortable with traditional way of doing things  just be confident in your decision, say it the way it is and you will see most of the people will be supportive, if not now they will be once you have a baby


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## Cortneywils

Thanks mummytobe2015, I think will try home inseminaion a few more times then maybe IUI but I think IVF will b the last option for me.

I think will tell my mum after as its so hard, unfortunately I'm not as lucky as I don't have many close friends that I could confide in.

It will be nice to hear what u decide and to maybe support each other. 

Maybe try the home way first as you said before you have no known fertilty issues. I haven't gone through any fertilty checks but I know that I ovulate as one month I tried temping it proved I do ov.


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## mummytobe2015

Hi Courtneywils

We can support each other , as we are going through the same thing!

I am still considering my options, but I haven't thought about home insemination. Where do your purchase your sperm from? Does it have to be abroad? If so does the child still have a right to meet the donor when the child is 18?


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## Cortneywils

Hi mummytobe2015,

I purchased my through Denmark cryos as its the only one I've found that doesn't need a doctors signature.

If you choose non-anonymous donor then your child could find the donor at 18.  Sorry haven't replied til now!  

We can help and support each other


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## BroodyChick

Mummytobe, there's no 'right' to 'meet' any donor. Their identifying information will be given to the child if they want it, meaning the donor's name and last known address.
As an egg sharer, I'd very much hope to meet any bio child that could exist in the future, but a sperm donor may feel differently about potentially dozens of offspring. 
A bonus is the existence of the donor sibling registry and various ******** groups for children of the same donor, so they could get to know siblings at a younger age even.

Best of luck!x


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## LB24

Hi all

Very new to this site so this is my first post. 

I'm 39 and single. I started my journey over a year ago exploring my fertility with the NHS. Met a fabulous consultant who I have been lucky enough to keep & who I will stay with for the remainder of the journey.

The exploratory tests proved stressful at times and culminated in me having surgery in January to attempt to remove a cyst on my ovary and to determine if I have endometriosis. Unfortunately I awoke to the news that I do have it and this coupled with my age means that natural conception may well be difficult, therefore IVF has been recommended. This was very difficult news as I had been hoping that I may be in a position to hold fire for a little while longer in terms of trying for a baby or taking the IVF route. I was also hoping for my relationship to be a little more stable and further on and me fully prepared. Although donor IVF has always been a plan for me (I unexpectedly met someone while the tests were underway which changed things somewhat). Anyway this relationship has sadly ended and did so directly after my surgery so two huge blows for me. He had changed his mind on wanting more children but just had not told me and pretty much disappeared from my life after the surgery. So needless to say it's been a very difficult and emotional time. 

I am now in a position of being able to start IVF and two rounds have been offered to me prior to my 40th birthday in July. This is likely to be my best chance as the endometriosis has so recently been treated. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity but equally terrified. I'm quite a planner so to suddenly find this path in front of me and so soon is very daunting. 

All the thoughts racing through my mind about do I/don't I - although my heart is calling out yes my head is full of worries and fears about the future, particularly around finances and the responsibility of embarking on parenthood alone. There is some pressure in relation to time so things need to start moving very soon. Exciting but nerve wracking - all in equal measure. 

I have a good network of support that includes my mum and dad and a circle of close friends. Everyone has been brilliant in supporting me and no one is trying to sway me either way. However I feel very alone in this decision as it is so deeply personal. 

Just wanted to reach out to others who can perhaps relate to where I'm at or may have found themselves in a similar situation. It can be quite a lonely and overwhelming place to be and you all seem like such a lovely supportive bunch - it would be a pleasure to join you!


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## mummytobe2015

LB24 sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time recently, but stay positive I'm sure lots of positive and beautiful experiences are coming your way. 

I don't have a lot of advise to give you because I'm in a process of considering my options, but try not to stress too much and think too much into a future. There are a lot of single mums out there and they are wonderful and doing a great job. My mum is a single mum and all tho it was hard at times she wouldn't change it for the world.

It's good to hear that you have support from your family and friends. It's very important. We will all support you here as well. You are not alone. There are a lot of us ladies here going through the same thing at the moment x wish you best of luck and just go for it xx


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## notamuggle

Welcome LB24,

Sorry you had such a stressful year, but it's brilliant you have so much support from the NHS, it's really rare for single women so that brilliant.

I think it's only natural to worry about the future, especially finances and coping alone when you're single but i think this just shows how much youve thought about this and that you already care so much for this baby that's not even here yet. You'll never have enough money, whether you're single or with a partner, but the fact you worry about it means you'll do everything you can to make it work out. I've spent about £10,000 over the last 18 months, if someone had told me I'd need that money before hand I'd have said I couldn't afford it but somehow I've managed and worked it out!

It's great you've got supportive people around you and the women on here and a fantastic support too.

xxxxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi LB24, welcome!
It's good you're on the path to making some decisions, I have quite a few friends who turned 40 recently or are about to, and they're a lot less decided about what to do regarding motherhood.
Sorry your ex left, it's hard dealing with Ivf as well as the grief over a broken relationship. My ex walked out when my son was 13 weeks old. It never comes at a good time! My ex also has older bio kids so he was lying to himself for quite a while about what he wanted.

It's good you have your parents and close friends available to help, you'll need it. Don't worry about finances too much, i'd encourage you to join Gingerbread (useful calculator links for tax credits etc) and the DCN who are very active for single women. It does help knowing others who have gone before you. Best of luck!


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## Tincancat

Hi LB 
It is really a decision you take alone.  For even with support of family and friends it's you alone who is on this journey and others can't be depended upon.  However, having said that, when the baby arrives you will find support from unexpected places.  It's a long hard journey and you are fortunate to have NHS support so grab it with both hands and go for it.  You'll need any spare money when baby is here so not having to spend it on expensive IVF puts you ahead of the game.
As some of the others have said don't look too far ahead for you never know what's ahead of you in this journey.  Focus on the short term goals for now.
Good Luck 
TCC x


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## bode

Hi LB24! 

I am also 39. I joined this site October last year when I was about to embark on my egg freezing cycle. I hadn't even looked past what I might do afterwards. I just got anxious as I was alone, about to turn 39 hadn't dated in a while and did not want to meet my 40th birthday still in this same spot and not knowing about my maternal future. I have always wanted kids. 

After freezing my eggs (same start process as ivf... injections and egg collection), I read about how egg freezing was a less successful process than embryo freezing. It all just made me think "just get on with what you ultimately want". So I have recently decided to go ahead with an IVF cycle. I had my consultation last week and am embarking on a cycle at the end of this month with donor sperm. Ever since I made this decision I have felt a mixture of emotions... giddy happiness, fear, sadness (at saying goodbye to all my preconceived notions of how I thought my conceiving would pan out), doubt (is this the best thing for my baby), and of course alone. Alone because ultimately its my decision alone to make and my consequences to bear alone. As supportive as my darling mother (GOD BLESS HER) has been, she isn't the most emotional person and can't fully empathise with the gamut of questions and theories that run around in my mind daily. My best friend isn't judgemental, but isn't really interested. Of course there is a limit on the number of people one wants to tell.

To top it off "picking a donor". One of my main concerns was my baby ending up with dozens of siblings. Which would overwhelm anyone really. I've definitely decided on a known donor as for better or for worse I would like to give my child that option of finding out where their other half has come from and whatever else is offered. I've tried searching co-parent sites, and have come across a few lunatics which scared me off. I've decided to go with the donors at my clinic as even though they offer the MOST minimal of info about them, I know that because they are UK based there is a 10 family limit on their donations. Otherwise Id found a few very "cute and smart" donors on Cryos and Xytex.

I've written a lot out here because I am hoping you can relate to some of it and see you are not alone. I have calmed myself down knowing other women have probably been in this very same position and yet done what they have to and not for one second regretted their decisions. I know I will not. I just have to figuratively "get my boots on" for the journey. I think all these considerations are normal, even the fear. I think it's healthy and shows you aren't taking this decision lightly. A lot of women fall pregnant without even ever having considered a tenth of what we have. It is right that we do. I called my Mum yesterday in tears as I told her I wasn't sure whether it was right to "give up on the notion of ever meeting someone". 

After I dropped the phone, I thought to myself... Well lots of women meet "the one" (not entirely sure such a thing exists anymore to be honest) after they might have had their kids first. I also explained to myself that I was "adopting sperm", which psychologically helps me and makes it less impersonal. LOL! I basically talked myself off the ledge because the alternative... leaving it too late and not having this very privileged choice we have is unthinkable for me right now. I can't tell what my tests may say six months down the line. But right now. Today! I really really want this. I have a feeling once I am pregnant I won't even be thinking any of these things and will just be happy and hoping for a healthy baby! 

If you want to chat some more over this (I've really needed someone to chat to) please get in touch. Anyone else who has already been through this, please continue with your inputs which I personally have found invaluable. You are all lovely and brave women who just want and feel only what is natural in us. You all inspire me!


----------



## BroodyChick

I agree with bode, the indecision is the worst.
Once you start on a path you stop feeling like you should be doing something, and you'll commit to the idea of having a baby sooner rather than never.
Best of luck to you all!x


----------



## LB24

Thank you so much for your replies - sorry for the delay in responding, still trying to find my feet with this site. Bode, it looks as if we might be going through this at the same time so it would be great to share the experience and support one another. 
This site has helped me to realise that many of the fears and anxieties are normal and are to be expected - knowing other people feel and have felt the same is very reassuring. 
Thanks again - it really is a comfort to talk to people who completely 'get it'. Xx


----------



## BVTKE

Dear all,
Thank you for the support.
Tincancat - your story is so inspirational. I read back through your story - Thank you.

Hello LB24 and Bode, It looks like we are all three in a similar position. I've left a post on page 42 (I think) about my background. I have my appointment on Thursday at Care Fertility so hopefully will be clearer as to what process I should follow. I have looked at Cryos and XyTex and have made a shortlist! I think you are right that once you have made the decision to go it alone, it become easier. If anyone is near Kent, perhaps meeting up might be an option?
Thanks again.


----------



## Nikki3622

Hello, 

My name is Nikki and I am completely new to this forum. So, I thought I would start by introducing myself here.

I just turned 37 and I live in the US. About a year and a half ago, I started trying to get pregnant. I had 4 IUIs but unfortunately, all of them were unsuccessful. Since fertility treatment is incredibly expensive in the US, I decided to no longer mess with IUIs and move straight to IVF in Europe. So, last summer, I tried IVF in Denmark. I had 17 eggs but only 3 inseminated and only 1 seemed to develop normally. I did not get pregnant. 

Now, I am trying to figure out what to do next (another IVF and possibly ICSI). I am currently trying to find a new doctor or a clinic that I can trust and who will take my concerns seriously. Any suggestions?


----------



## kt1985

Nikki3622 - I can recommend Penny and Serum in Athens, Greece. They will tailor the treatment to you specifically and are very warm and welcoming. As a single person I have encountered lots of judgmental people on my journey but can happily say that Serum are not like that. Communication wise they have always responded to any problems or queries  I have had within  24 hours. I would suggest having a telephone consultation with Penny, who will put your mind at ease. Hope this helps and good luck xx


----------



## Nikki3622

@kt1985:
Thank you very much for the recommendation! I will definitely check it out!


----------



## notamuggle

Hi nikki, I'm afraid I don't have much advice but I wanted to say welcome


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Nikki 
Quite a few US people go to Cyprus particularly for donor eggs as American base there so American donors.  However with 17 eggs that sound like you should have another shot with your own eggs or a tandem cycle where you run alongside a donor then if your OE not good quality embryos you can go with donor so you will always get to transfer.  I went to Dogus in.Northern Cyprus.  The advantage over Serum is that only one visit for treatment is needed.  Penny usually likes you over twice first time for hysteroscopy which I felt I didn't need and the extra journey costs even more money.  

Dogus treat lots of single ladies and there is a Dogus thread where you can communicate with ladies who are undergoing treatment.  There are two Doctors at Dogus Dr S who owns building and doesn't speak much English,  uses an interpreter but has an English coordinator, he's cheaper than Dr F who is a lady doctor who has very good English.  Both have different websites.
Good luck in your journey 
TCCx


----------



## Apple_xx

Hi bode, 

Thanks for your post. I honestly felt like I was reading about myself. It's been a confusing last 5 months and this forum has really helped me to move forward in my thinking and trying to decide what to do. I'm not sure where I am landed yet although I have got a consultation on Saturday. I think having the tests will help me know where I am physically at least. I am still trying to date and had a couple of dates last week with someone new.. It's hard to know whether to just say to yourself I've made the decision to go ahead with this alone and accept it won't be the way I had always wished, or whether to keep on dating with that hope I'll meet the one (whether there is the one is a whole other conversation..). Can you carry on dating if you are in the middle of progressing with going it alone.. I know there's a separate thread on this. 

I'd be really interested to hear more about your experience.. I'll send you a pm 
Apple


----------



## Tincancat

Apple I got fed up of waiting for the one on the dating game.  Even if you met someone you are unlikely to want to jump straight into having a baby with them.  Why don't you consider freezing embryos if you are not fully decided?
TCCx


----------



## Apple_xx

Hey Tincancat, 
I'be thought about embryo freezing vs egg freezing. I need to find out more -I have a consultation this week so will ask. I don't know if you can harvest to freeze your own eggs and donor embryos at the same time. Cost is also a factor.. I don't have endless savings so should I go for it now with IUI/IVF since I would need to pay for IVF down the line even if I don't meet someone.. So many questions spinning round my head 
Apple x


----------



## Tincancat

I froze eggs when I was 34 and it was subsequently unsuccessful even though I formed good embryos after thaw.  If I had thought about it properly at the time I would have frozen embryos.  But saying that I would not have the lovely boys I have now if I had been successful with my own eggs.  I love watching them grow its like opening a surprise present - I have no clue what they will ultimately look like. However lots of people say, even those who know they are double donor, say Titch looks like me.
TCCx


----------



## Fraggles

Hi

I am another who can recommend Penny at Serum.

Good luck to all those just starting on your journey.

xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Apple, why would you need Ivf if you meet anyone you want to try with naturally?x
Just curious.
I also think it's an option worth considering to split your eggs to freeze as eggs and also some as embryos, but I believe the downside is that you'd need quite a few!
Personally I'm not aware of any clinics offering that option, you may have to do separate Cycles to freeze eggs and embryos but really, why hang about?
I've wanted babies for years and I finally had my son just after turning 37 and would not have wanted to wait any longer  x


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

Does the nhs provide fertility tests to check any problems before I self fund? Also can you claim back for private consultation for diui with westfield health plan?

Thank you


----------



## Fraggles

Hi

I think it depends on your doctor but you can probably ask for amh and fsh blood test through your GP. I have no idea about Westfield Health Plan so can't help there.

F x


----------



## BroodyChick

Kirsty, I suggest you ask your GP and your insurer. This is a forum for peer support more than anything. Good luck!


----------



## Caroline1759

Hi all
Just introducing myself to this thread. I'm also on the Cycle Buddies thread as I'm currently in DR part of IVF. I'm trying a cycle of fresh eggs before using frozen eggs. I have no idea where this journey will end up but like everyone here, praying for a happy ending. 

I'm 44 and single and using DS. Its been a long and difficult decision to reach. I doubt many women ever think they'll  reach a point of having to face this choice but here we are! K
I was actually going to go it alone last year, after failed (abusive) relationships.  It took me a long time to get over the abuse. Then quite unexpectedly, I met someone, and had a relationship. But no pregnancy. That relationship ended recently. I  am incredibly upset but trying to remain focused on my current treatment, as I don't feel I have time to 'get over' him before starting treatment.  I had already done a lot of research and had a consultation prior to meeting him. So it was relatively easy to get started, from a practical point of view.  However, emotionally, I'll admit I'm struggling. 

I'd really like to hear about any coping mechanisms single women here use. There are such a range of emotions I'm trying to deal with. my family are very supportive.  But I don't live near them. I recently moved to London to reduce my commute to work. It's better in that sense but it's very lonely. Am I completely mad in thinking I can go through IVF alone like this?

Thanks
C xxx


----------



## Blondie71

Hi Caroline just want to wish you loads of luck and also to say definately make plans to get your support system in place as you really can't do this alone, being isolated with a baby would be a very miserable experience and it shouldn't be


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi Kirsteyleybourne,

I think are you entitled to certain things on the NHS. Whether or not you'll get them done is another matter, but hopefully if you have a sympathetic GP you will. But definitely day 3 FSH, LH and day 21 progesterone for starters. Everyone is entitled to these basic fertility tests.

I also got referred to my fertility clinic in my local hospital (for other reasons) and they turned out to be really great. They did a hycosi (to check my fallopian tubes were patent), rechecked other blood tests like prolactin and TSH that had been a bit out of range before, and did all the tests that my private clinic required (different sexual screening and blood count), plus they tested my CMV status so I knew whether or not I needed a CMV positive or negative donor. The only thing I had to pay for was an AMH test, which cost about £30.

Later on when I had been discharged from the NHS fertility clinic, and needed some of the above doing again, my GP did them all.

So you can get help from the NHS.

No idea about your insurance though, sorry!


----------



## Rosalind73

Welcome Caroline.

Really sorry to hear about your recent break-up and your previous abusive relationships. Totally understand how you feel about never thinking you would need to go down this route.

It is a very lonely journey but you can do it alone. There are many women on here who have done so or are still trying (like me) and in the same boat, so do reach out if you need support or advice.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing by getting on with treatment now, even though you are feeling very vulnerable.

I wish you all the best.


----------



## Caroline1759

Thanks so  much Rosalind and Blondie

C xxx


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

Thank you rosalind that's so helpful xx


----------



## indekiwi

Kirsty and Caroline, welcome!   


Caroline, I have done 12 cycles of treatment and had three children through donor conception at UK clinics, all as a single woman.  I went to virtually all my clinic appointments on my own, did virtually all my own jabs, and had no one else around for my antenatal appointments.  My nearest family members are - oh - about 10,000 km away.  Many many of the women I know who are single mums through donor conception with unknown donors (i.e. those who explicitly set out to have a child on their own with no support from a partner / known donor) have had limited day to day practical / financial support from their families from the outset - I am far from unique in this respect.  Once you decide to go down this route to motherhood you will likely meet many others who are similarly minded - sometimes in the most unlikely of places - and particularly in a major city like London.  The SMC community is extremely supportive of its members.  Moreover, once you have a small person in your life, there are plenty of opportunities to meet other parents (both singles and couples) who again become part of your support network.  Every parent (single or couple) faces challenging times, whether through illness, behavioural issues, finances or something else.  It's important to realise that these are normally just phases and not an unending hell dictated specifically by your actions to become a single mum. You can do this on your own - and you and your child / children can thrive while doing so.  


Good luck to you both.


A-Mx


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

That's inspirational.
I am still living at home and saving up so hoping to go forward end of the year and start the process 
X


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Caroline, welcome!
A group of us used to meet up in London quite regularly and you could always revive the relevant thread to connect with fellow tryers and thinkers. I'd also the DCN as they're a great support with regular SMC meetups and a conference coming later this month.
Yes it's very hard without support, but even on mumsnet there's a thread for single women looking to house share with their kids, and at least if you're planning ahead you can be prepared. Hope this helps and good luck! For emotional support I booked a package of EFT treatment with Sarah holland, which helped me through the decision making process and some early disappointments x


----------



## Altai

Hi to all

Indekiwi - that's so inspirational.
Is smc part of dcn? Or it's different? Didn't know there is a smc community.

It is a scary thing to do it on your own especially if close family is far away. 
Good to find in advance about support groups etc. 

Hi to all - Rosalind, broody, Caroline, Kirsty, Blondie, fraggs

KR

A.


----------



## minxy1969

Carolyn - I sent you a pm.  The DCN have their annual conference in 2 weeks time. It is a great place to meet others in the same boat as you - they have speakers but also specific break out groups including single women either with children, or many wanting children. They also organise a summer single women's picnic in the summer at Hyde Park in London so something to think about adn to meet others. 

Minxyxx


----------



## Caroline1759

Thanks so much everyone. Really appreciate the replies and support. I'm spreading myself across 4 threads so far...IVF, Cycle Buddies, Over 40 and Single Women! It's great to know there's support out there. I hadn't heard of smc so will look into that and the DCN conference. I moved to London recently to reduce my commute to work and was wondering if i'd made a terrible mistake as finding it lonely. But now I know these groups exist I'm going to look into them.

Cxxx


----------



## GIAToo

Welcome to all the new ladies        


Caroline - I have been lurking on the over 40s thread as I am trying for baby number two and the single threads have been very quiet.  Haven't had the courage to post there yet    


It is daunting doing all this alone (& I am one of the lucky ones who gets a lot of support from family and friends), but it's the best thing I ever did! My only regret is that I didn't do it all earlier, but mentally I obviously wasn't ready. 


Keep posting and take care everyone
GIA Too xx


----------



## indekiwi

Will post longer later - about to go out - but SMC = Single Mums by Choice (using donors or through adoption).  There are thousands of SMC families around the country.   


A-Mx


----------



## sarahdaisy82

Hi everyone!

I'm Sarah, 32 from Australia.  I'm separated from my husband but desperately want to be a mum, so I've been investigating going it alone.  I've done some tests and found out that I have a low AMH level for my age (10.4) so I'm super keen to find people going through the same stuff and get and give support 

I'm planning to start a round of IUI in approximately June/July here at Monash IVF.

Keen to get to know you all and hear your stories!

Sarah


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

Hi Sarah
I am Kirsty 26 from the UK single never found anyone I liked enough to settle down with probably due to the fact am picky and I always wanted a child so I put them off lol 
I dream of being a mum currently saving for 3 rounds of iui with donor sperm
Did you get your tests done at your gp
I am looking prob beginning of next year before I start treatment
Xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Sarah 
IUI is certainly worth a go even with low AMH.  I got pregnant with IUI with low AMH but sadly miscarried probably due to my old eggies.  I'm in the UK and I understand fertility treatments are expensive in Australia like the UK so do consider going abroad if you need more than IUI.. 
I divorced my.husband after he didn't want to try again after we lost our boys so good luck going it alone.
TCCx


----------



## sarahdaisy82

Hi Kirsty!
I got my tests done through my fertility clinic - here in Australia only clinics do the AMH test, not GPs.  Best of luck for your journey!  

Hi TCC 
Good on you for pursuing your dream - you are very courageous by the looks of it.  I will look into overseas treatment if I need to - but here in Aus, if you do 3 IUI cycles unsuccessfully as a single mum they then class you as 'medically infertile' rather than plain ol' 'socially infertile' (I hate the terminology they use!!) and then you can move onto further treatment with a subsidy (well that's my understanding anyway!)


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

Hi
I am just about to tell my family I am going to try iui with donor sperm 
My mum is very traditional and believes in marriage then pregnancy quite nervous to tell her at the minute
Anyone had experience of this
Thank you
Zx


----------



## Blondie71

All the best Kirsty hoping you'll come back and tell us they will support you 100% x


----------



## BroodyChick

I'm pretty sure she loves the idea of a grandchild more than the idea of seeing you in a white dress  no personal experience of this as my parents are quite open minded but you may be positively surprised - good luck!x


----------



## Kirstyleybourne

I hope so thank you guys xx


----------



## Fraggles

Hi Sarah Hi Kirsty

Nice to meet you. I am a single mum to a darling three year old and am in the midst of trying for a sibling.

My mum was very traditional and I worried how she would be with my darling son when he was born. She was great and they had a very special relationship. It was my male siblings and sister in laws who had the difficulty.

Tincancat How are things with you?

xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Fraggles 
Thanks for asking.  Unfortunately I'm struggling with tiny Titch who been in hospital nearly 4 weeks.  He's totally dropped off any centile and his weight has been static for weeks.  He still refuses to entertain the idea of solids so I'm at my whits end with his feeding.
Chunk on the otherhand is doing really well.
TCCx


----------



## Fraggles

TCC

Hopefully Titch will figure out his way and start piling it on to catch up with Chunk. Hugs do hope your wits end will be at an end sooner than later. x


----------



## AutumnForever

Hi everyone, 

I'm new. Im 35, single - had a long term relationship/ engagement end over 6 years ago now, took a while to get over that and then I was caring for my mum who was ill, sadly she passed away 2 years ago. Somewhere in there I also moved abroad to the U.S. and then back again, 'found myself' or whatever isn't too cheesy! And have dated and had relationships but nothing that ever really got off the ground. 

I have always wanted to be a mum, I work with young children, I have been helping to bring up the babies in my family since I was 5! I am surrounded by nieces and nephews, baby great nieces and nephews, and the children of close friends and I want it to be my turn now. 

I'm at the very beginning of my journey, got a lot of reading to do and a lot to learn. My current plan A is  insemination with donor sperm, not sure whether home or clinic, uk or abroad, lots to think about. 

First step will be to get the standard fertility checks done and see where that leaves me. The last time I stopped the pill, aside from an initial withdrawal bleed, no periods materialised in over a year. Doctor did blood tests and a scan, hormone levels were normal and the scan ruled out PCOS, but I never really got an answer to what was actually going on and my skin was so bad without the pill and nothing else worked so I wound up back on it. Have just stopped it again, so will give it a month or so then arrange some tests. 

Can you get them on the nhs as a single do you know? I'm assuming not!


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Autumn, you get those tests free if you're assessed as an egg sharer, which may make sense at your age (under 36).
The amenorrhea is certainly a concern but you don't need periods if you go straight for IVF. I don't know how you feel about egg sharing but it worked for me (however not my recipient as far as I'm aware).
There's no need to tell your GP you're single if you decide on some basic hormone tests via the NHS!
Have you got a copy of 'getting pregnant faster' and similar books, they explain how you can stabilise your cycle and optimise fertility through nutrition and supplements etc.
The single women's support team at the DCN is also amazing, well worth becoming a member for regular updates and meetups!
Best of luck!x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Hi Autumnforever, 

you should be able to get the 'basic' fertility checks done via your GP - no need to spell things out, just tell them you're wanting to start trying for a baby and would like to get your FSH/LH etc checked
clinics (when you start treatment) will want various other tests done - eg chlamydia, rubella, HIV etc. you can get most done free via either GP or local GUM clinic to save a few pennies (and every penny counts as fertility treatment doesn't come cheap)

anything more complex you will probably need to pay for but you can certainly get some of the basics done for free

if you are in/near London, pop along to one of the London Womens Clinics "Inseminars" - I wouldn't necessarily recommend LWC as a clinic (at least a long time back when I was starting out I wasn't terribly impressed with them, although I know others have been very happy and much can change in 6 yrs+) but the seminar is free, gives you a broad overview of treatment options etc, and if you do decide to go ahead, I think it gives you a discount on your first consultation. There is also a big Fertility Show in London at some point every year, not sure of the timing, but have a google 

DCN, as mentioned by BroodyChick is also a good source of information and support although you'll find the online/chat forum much quieter than here on FF

Wishing you the best of luck with it all,
x


----------



## natclare

Hi Autumn Forever,
First of all... welcome. Wanted to say also that the LWC seminars are great to attend as an education tool (and free). I looked at them, and even did a consult, but didn't really like their style. The thing to remember is that they are great at marketing, their website is wonderful, use them for information but also look at other clinics. The Lister in London also do open evenings for egg sharers so worth going to both. You are bound to have many more questions. Please just shout. Lots of people use Danish clinics for IUI. Good luck x


----------



## AutumnForever

Thanks everyone. I'm in Manchester/Cheshire but a trip to London is not out of the question. 

First stop GP I think! 

I'd be open to egg sharing but the one clinic I have looked at (Manchester Fertility) said under 35 for that. 

Thank you all for being so welcoming!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

try CARE clinics also - they have several, pretty sure one in Sheffield which might work for you?
they have good reputation...although I've not used myself,

x


----------



## AutumnForever

Hi everyone, 

As I posted on the welcome thread, I'm new here and just at the start of things, researching and considering my options. I've also joined DCN. 

My current plan is:

1) I have come off the pill, I'm withdrawal bleeding at the moment, last time I came off it I just never had a period for over a year. I had basic blood tests (not with a view to getting pregnant at that point) and all was ok/ inconclusive, and I had a scan for PCOS which was negative. Eventually I went back on the pill, as I'd started a new relationship and also as my skin was so bad without and nothing else was working. So I think I need to give myself a month or so to see what happens there.

2)  get fertility mot/ tests. Will speak to my go and see what if anything I can do on NHS, also contact local clinics. 
- on this note - has anyone tried the Zita West home fertility test kit? Is it worth it? 

3) When I have an idea of where I stand then come up with a plan for treatment. Initially I thought DUI, moving to IVF if recommended. I need to think about whether I want to go down the UK route or look into treatment abroad - Norway looks promising. I have also been reading threads on here about Cryos and I'm wondering if home insemination might be worth a try. 

In the meantime lots of research! Clinic open days, seminars, reading. Broodychick recommended 'getting pregnant faster' - does anyone else have any recommendations?


----------



## BroodyChick

There are definitely clinics where you can egg share up to 36 (depends how soon your bday is because the tests and matching with a recipient take time). I know, because I did


----------



## BroodyChick

Dcn have a great website With book recommendations and a library you can use free of charge. I'd also recommend 'single mothers by choice', 'single by chance, mother by choice', 'the thinking woman's guide to single motherhood', 'IVF the emotional companion' 'fit for fertility', 'the complete guide to IVF' and 'taking charge of your fertility' (Toni Weschler).
Some are US-centric or slightly outdated but you will find some useful info and food for thought. I also thought 'the single parents guidebook' very worthwhile although it's not specifically for SMCs.
X


----------



## AutumnForever

Thanks guys, my birthday is October, not sure if that will be enough time. 

God I swear I was about 24 last time I looked, not sure where the last decade has gone.


----------



## BroodyChick

Sorry that one book is called 'choosing single motherhood' by Mikki Morrissette!


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Autumn 
I'm in your area. PM me if you would like a chat. 
TCCx


----------



## Nicole1708

Hi everyone  I'm Nicole and I'm downregging at the moment. I'm a single mum to a very nearly five year old. I've a long history of 6 IUI's with my husband, then 1 IVF that worked, then we were about to go again and my husband died of a cardiac arrest at the gym. I then did two goes myself with my late husband's sperm, one didn't work at all and the other was a very early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy. So, its my first time with a donor, but feeling excited (and dread and fear!) about doing it again. Just chose my donor and paid for delivery - all very surreal! 


Anyone else doing a cycle at the moment?


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Nicole 
Sorry you have had a tough few years losimg your DH so suddenly like that.  Good luck with your treatment 
TCCx


----------



## AutumnForever

Thanks broodychick will look out for it. And thanks tincancat, will take you up on that. 

Nicole I'm sorry for your loss, good luck with this cycle x


----------



## Jelly_99

Hi,  I'm a newbie! well not a complete newbie. I was on fertility friends a good few years ago  when I was married. Had  IVF once, but unfortunately it didn't work. My marriage broke up and since then I've been pretty much single. I'm 39, with my 40th in November and am thinking of jumping into the unknown and doing this on my own. Any advice anyone can give me on what I should be thinking about, any clinic recommendations etc would be greatly appreciated. I don't really want to give up on finding a chap, but my ovaries etc may not  have the time to wait!!  I remember everyone being very supportive on here before and I look forward to sharing some stories, good and perhaps a bit miserable with all of you!


----------



## Blondie71

Gosh Nicole you've been through it hun hopefully more happiness coming your way soon  

Jelly welcome back   different journey for you and prob alot more daunting on your own? There are many divorced ladies here - myself included! As long as you have a strong family/friend support network behind you it can work out fine, hopefully you will have success this time around.

x


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi ladies,

Thought I'd pop over here from the cycle buddies threads... I seem to do a lot of jumping around. Anyway I'm starry, 27, initially started trying to adopt as a singlie but had a pretty rubbish experience with my local SS messing me around and so decided to try to have a birth child. Found out that my AMH is a little low for my age and couple with a history of early menopause in the family decided now was the right time. There won't be a Mr. Right as I'm a single, gay, lady and as for Mrs Right - who knows at the moment. Put having children on hold with my ex who I was with for 5 years for various reasons and ready to go it alone. Currently just at the beginning of my IVF treatment having started the OCP today with a ate for EC on 15th July.

Anyway just thought I'd say hi!


----------



## BroodyChick

Welcome, Starry! Have you joined the DCN yet?x


----------



## StarryEyed

Nope not yet, was looking into joining earlier today, just haven't got round to it yet.


----------



## GIAToo

Just wanted to pop on and welcome all the new ladies  

Nicole - sorry about your loss, that must have been very hard.  But I am glad to see you are pursuing motherhood in other ways now    Choosing the donor is an experience and it's the thing I get asked about most! 

Starryeyed - I wish I had done all this sooner and Ms Right will come along when she's supposed to. Good luck with your current cycle - keep us posted.

Jelly_99 - welcome.  Where are you based? Have you had any baseline fertility checks done yet (hormones like FSH, AMH?)  - all of this will help determine which clinic might be best for you 

Autumnforever - how's the research going?  

Hi to everyone else  

GIAToo xx


----------



## BVTKE

Hello, I'm single, 43 and have had one failed IUI with sperm donor. I am now just starting IVF with sperm donor and find i need some moral and emotional support, my emotions are all over the place and my friends don't seem to fully understand my situation - can anyone suggest the right thread for me? Thank you


----------



## Blondie71

Hiya which clinic are you going to?? You'll probably find a thread on the board for your clinic and it's great to join them and chat with the other ladies cycling with you, alot of the ladies also meet up in person if you live locally to one another, there are quite a few active meet-ups on here too for single ladies with kids and those that are trying x


----------



## BVTKE

Thanks B71, 
I'm going to the Care clinic at Tunbridge Wells. I'll see if I can find the link. x


----------



## daisyg

Hi BVTKE,
Apart from the groups on fertility friends, you may want to have a look at the DCN website.  There is a really big group of single women there and a chance to network with others who are going through or have been through what you are facing now.

Best of luck,

D xx


----------



## BVTKE

Thanks Daisyg, I will take a look at that site. X


----------



## Heregoes!

Hi Ladies! 

A lovely lady on one of the other threads pointed me in this direction.
I am single, 37, my first day on this site, ultrasound first official appt at hospital on Thursday this wk. 
I don't really know what I'm doing or if I'm a bit bonkers for doing this.
My second appt with my consultant is end of sept so I have until then to get my tests done. 

Anyone else excited but nervous, lots of questions, emotional?


----------



## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Thought I'd introduce myself on this thread - I've been posting on other threads.
I haven't had the luck of meeting Mr Right so had had enough of waiting for the impossible, so decided to  go it alone - I have never regretted it so for those ladies considering it, go for it. I'll admit it's not always been easy, though I have good friends and family, but at the end of the  day, the responsibility is all mine. It would have been lovely to have a DP to share the parenting with, but I've accepted that's how it is. On my 3rd IVF with DD, I got my BFP and my gorgeous little son has just celebrated his first birthday! He was totally spoilt by family and friends. I just adore him, and I don't give a thought to him being DE, he's just all mine. 
I must be mad, but I'm now planning on trying for a sibling in Oct/Nov with the frosties. I would like my son not to be an only child.
Good luck to everyone
Deb


----------



## Charlotte Leo

Hi everyone, my first post here...

I'm 38 (39 any minute) and at the very early stages of my journey - planning on IUI if I can but realise that this may change. I am currently looking at my clinic options and have it down to a shortlist of three (am London based), and have open evenings scheduled.

I have started having my blood tests, still waiting for the results of the Day 21 progesterone one, and waiting to get the test for Day 3. I came off the pill last year and have had 6 months of fairly regular periods, of course typically it is now nearly 3 weeks late so looks like my cycle is all over the place and I don't know why or what that means for my potential treatment. I don't want to waste money on consultations if my body is not playing ball at the moment. 

Any advice on this welcome!


----------



## natclare

Welcome Charlotte Leo and good luck Debsolovescats on #2.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Charlotte 
It might be helpful to get AMH done which can be done any time in your cycle.  This test won't be done by your GP as it's not routinely done on NHS.  AMH combined with an antral follicle count scan will give you a good idea what your egg reserves are like.

Good Luck Debs 
TCC x


----------



## Dotty80

Can anyone help me to change my attitude?

I am single and due to start stims this week (1st IVF egg sharing) but am feeling really hopeless and like it's over before it's even really started, if this makes sense. I am someone who always needs a back up plan, but feel I haven't got one for this.

I won't be able to save up the £3000 needed for another egg sharing cycle (cycle plus donor sperm) as am very close to the cut off age, and a IVF cycle without egg sharing is obviously even more.

I find it really hard knowing that this may be my only try, whereas if I was in a relationship I could be 'trying' every day should I wish!

My attitude isn't helping my stress levels, which in turn is going to reduce my chances of my one try working, but I just don't know what to do to change it. The DR isn't helping either as have felt very miserable during it, which I'm assuming/hoping is just the hormones.

Can anyone offer any words of wisdom?

X


----------



## Wishings15

I think that's how I kinda felt though my last ivf cycle on my own. It's so expensive and I think harder on your own.

I read single mothers by choice, and was actually considering embryo donation abroad simply due to the costs, 

I hope you find a way of thinking positively, and there is an egg sharing forum on this site, with a good group of girls, some single, others with partners xx


----------



## Charlotte Leo

Tincancat said:


> Hi Charlotte
> It might be helpful to get AMH done which can be done any time in your cycle. This test won't be done by your GP as it's not routinely done on NHS. AMH combined with an antral follicle count scan will give you a good idea what your egg reserves are like.
> 
> Good Luck Debs
> TCC x


Thank you! Will look into this. I spoke to my GP the other day and she confirmed that my day 21 Progesterone blood test showed that I wasn't ovulating, but that is not surprising as I still haven't had a period 

She told me to go ahead and do the FSH test anyway, which I did on Friday so we'll see what that says. She was talking about early menopause which made me feel a bit sick. Hopefully it is my stress levels messing with my hormones rather than anything else...


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Charlotte 
Hope you get some answers soon.  If your FSH is really high then that will confirm if you are heading for the menopause but hold on in there and see what the result is.  If it's OK then go for AMH next.  If it's very high then there are alternate pathways to being a mum as I'm experiencing  
TCCx


----------



## Ellers

Hi Ladies, 
My first post on this board.  So I am 31 but have a pretty complicate gynaecological history. With no man on the scene at the minute,  I have taken a tough decision to go and discuss with my GP about being tested and freezing my eggs. 
So any advice would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## Freckle01

Hi. 
I'm 34 and have been single for some time now. Over the last couple of years I've thought more and more about having a baby, and more recently about trying to have one through sperm donation. I've been looking on this site as a guest for a while and been reading a lot of what you've all said. 

I wondered if any of you would be able to give me some advice as to where I start. Should I go to the GP in the first instance? Is it even a viable option being single? Or is it better to go privately? 

If I choose to go through donor, what are the initial tests that are carried out?

Apologies if these questions have already been answered in previous threads, and if any of you can point me in the right direction that would great. 

Thanks in advance.


----------



## BVTKE

Hi Dotty80,
We're in a similar situation and I too am finding it tough. I've had one failed IUI and now a failed IVF. Now what to do, another expensive IVF possibly with double donor..... Don't know. I've started enquiring with adoption agencies but I'm not sure at my age I would have the opportunity to adopt a baby, which is really all I could consider (I work in child protection and child welfare).
Anyway, all I can offer is support and understanding as to what you are going through. It's tough staying positive but we have to try!


----------



## Persipan

Freckled, it's very unlikely that your GP will be able to offer much help unless you have another fertility issue as well as being single. However, they may be able to help out with some of the initial blood tests etc, so it can be worth asking.


----------



## pollita

I'm not new but I thought I'd pop in here and introduce myself properly! 

I'm 30, single, and after 2+ years of trying at-home with a donor I've moved onto IVF. I've been down regging for over 2 weeks now and start stims today with EC either end of next week or beginning of the following week. Very scared but also very excited  

I"ve had a really, really tough time coming to terms with whether I should becoming a single mum or not as it's not something my family are very supportive of (very traditional family) so I've been dealing with it all alone, apart from the support from people on this board. 

If anyone else is having a tough time or is in a similar boat and wants to chat, please feel free to send me a PM! x


----------



## natclare

Dotty80 - Just wanted to say hang on in there! It may work first go! If it doesn't you might be able to egg share again, try IUI or as someone else said embryo adoption is worth considering.

Ellers - Welcome and good luck. I froze eggs via two egg sharing cycles. I moved on to embryo freezing which has better success rates, so this may be something to consider.

Freckle01 - You don't say where you are in the UK. If you are in London, I would recommend you go to the London Women's Clinic information evenings, the next one is 22nd August http://www.londonwomensclinic.com/london/open-days. They are very, very good at their marketing. The "inseminars" are free to attend and there you will learn all about IVF/IUI/sperm donation etc but I personally would not necessarily recommend treatment there (you may feel differently and they do have plenty of success). I remember originally going to my GP and he simply put me in touch with the Lister (London). It is unfortunately very unlikely you would get NHS funding as a single person so I would assume you have to go privately. If you are under 35 and your fertility is found to be good then you can do IVF as an egg sharer which, if you believe in being an egg donor, then is a very cost effective way of getting private treatment as it is free. If egg sharing is not an option for you I would always recommend Serum in Athens as a fantastic clinic. You can also do a form on their website and have a free telephone or Skype consultation which is worth doing even if you do not go there. http://www.ivfserum.com/ Whichever clinic you choose you will need to have a range of tests which they will tell you about on the first consultation. At that stage you would make an appointment with your GP and it is likely that some of these tests will be done for free. If you wanted to PM me any more questions feel free and good luck.

Pollita - Hello again! I wanted to wish you lots of luck with the IVF x

/links


----------



## daisyg

Hi Pollita and other single ladies,

Fertility Friends is a really great place for support, especially on the single boards!  Should you want contact with other single women like you, don't forget the Donor Conception Network has a single women membership of about 600 and is a good place for support and contacting others like you.

I joined more or less at the start of my treatment when I was 44 and am still a member now with nearly 9 year old twins from donor embryo in Spain.  It is really hard when you start this process, especially if you don't have close family or friends for support.  I was lucky that my mum was nearby and was incredibly supportive and helped me in the early days so much.

Best of luck,

D xxx


----------



## 52747

Hi all

Brand new here and looking for help and advice. I am single and have PCOS and a blocked left fallopian tube (reason unknown but discovered during fertility esting in 2006). That relationship ended and around 2 years ago I looked into the possibility of going it alone. I was referred to a fertility clinic (having aleady found my own sperm donor). However at the time I was uncomfortable about saying he was a donor and said he was a partner (he was happy to do this). Unfortunately, he already has one child, so I was told there was no funding available (and that I needed to lose about 3 stone before they would help me anyway). At this point I became quite disheartened and decided to leave the whole children thing for a while.

I am now 38 and would like to try again. I'm in the north east and would like to know if anyone in the area can tell me if funding is available to someone in my position (the rules have apparently changed recently). Single, using a known sperm donor, and I'VE the only option (I've been told that's the only chance I have given my age and circumstances).

Any help would be appreciated. 

Thanks


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi 52747 (funny name!), your story sounds similar to mine, I also had IVF with a known donor (KD), but since I went just before I turned 36 I was eligible to egg share and my treatment was private and free. I have a little boy from frozen embryo from that cycle.
Have you any tubal problems or why were you told IVF is the best option? Could try at home or have some medicated IUIs which are cheaper?x


----------



## notamuggle

Hi everyone and hi 52747

The NICE guidelines are pretty vague in recommendations for funding fertility treatment for single women. They talk about couples but they also don't expressly rule single women out. Although the NICE guidelines are pretty useless anyway as all CCGs (the health bodies that commission the services in your area) all make up their own criteria anyway and most of them don't even fulfil what NICE recommends for couples let alone singles.

That said I have read of one lady who's CCG did offer it to single women so it's worth checking
The below link shows what different CCGs offer although I don't think it mentions single women so your best bet is to ask your GP to find out for you.

http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/nhs_funding_2/nhs_funding_in_england

Good luck xxx

/links


----------



## Aubree

Hi I came across this site after doing a bit research regarding insemination and being single, I'm 32, professional and fortunately or unfortunately single, earlier this year I also found out I have fibroids, very large and causing a lot of problems so I'll be having surgery in October to remove it. Having fibroids and requiring surgery has made me incredibly anxious about loosing my chance to have a family, hence deciding to go it alone as I'll have the rest of my life to find 'the one', but possibly only a couple of years to have a family. I'm looking for people's views on the best route to go down, home insemenation/iui, known/unknown donor?

TIA


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Aubree, I also had worries about fibroids but thankfully they didn't require surgery and I got pregnant.
You should consider joining the DCN to get some support about the donor question, if you decide on IVF you can get it free as an egg sharer based on your age! Worth a thought. Good luck with the surgery!x


----------



## miamiamo

what do you think about the article: 
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/13715956.Private_clinics_overcharge_women_for_freezing_eggs__says_fertility_expert_Lord_Winston/

it seems clinics may loose (partially) clients, who go to abroad and pay about 2 000 Euro.

/links


----------



## Ava77

Hello all,

I'm new to the site, and new to all of it tbh! I'm 38, and after years of education, working hard to build a career, and a couple of failed long-term relationships, I find myself single and childless. I thought I was making all of the right decisions by waiting for the right time and right chap - best laid plans, and all that.

Anyway, now I find myself considering my options. I've read a little on IUI and IVF, but haven't met any medical professionals to discuss anything yet. I have a GP appointment on Friday, and I'll be discussing it then, and most likely be asking for a referral to Birmingham Women's Fertility Centre. Looks like my Credit Card is about to get a shock!

I'm so glad I found this site tonight, and I've been reading through some of your stories so far. It's lovely to know I'm not alone in this . . .

Ava


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Ava 
Good luck with GP appointment.  Hopefully your GP will be sympathetic and at least do some basic blood tests.  You also need a HSG if you are considering IUI as this checks your tubes are patent.  If your GP can do the basic blood tests and arrange for a HSG for you on the NHS that would be great.  An ultrasound to check antral follicle count and an AMH blood test will give you an idea of your ovarian reserve and if IUI is worth trying or go straight for IVF.
I can recommend Midland Fertility however do check the success rates of the clinics you are thinking of going to.  Alternative is to consider going abroad where your money goes much further.
Good Luck 
TCCx


----------



## Amelia81

Hello everyone,

I'm 34 and have said for ten years or more that I would rather be a single mum than not a mum at all, and if I got to 35 and not in a relationship then I would go it alone via a sperm donor.

This reality is getting nearer and I'm really struggling with it. My parents have been married over 35 years and I had such a happy childhood with my parents and siblings. I feel sad that I might not be able to give my child that same upbringing, no matter how much love I give the child myself. I'm quite a romantic and grew up with the typical dream of falling in love, getting married and having children. Going it alone feels like I am giving up hope on the family I always dreamed of? I know children can grow up very happy with a single parent, but I would still feel like my child is missing out. Especially as I am so very close to my own dad, and my child wouldn't have that.

Did anyone else struggle with this? How can I overcome this? I don't want to end up with regrets and no children in my life.


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Sending some    first of all, it is hard when things don't turn out the way we hoped and imagined


My dad died when I was 14 so I guess that gave me a slightly different perspective on things in that I knew there wasn't always a happy ever after even if you start out that way. Nonetheless it took me a good few years to move from thinking about it to trying for a baby...and now looking back my only regret is that I waited so long  - I started trying at nearly 38 and it took nearly 4 years and ultimately donor eggs as well as donor sperm)...


If you have not already, how about some counselling sessions? I found counselling invaluable - main thing is to find the right counsellor ( try BICA for recommendations local to you)


The other thing I would suggest, again if you haven't already, is to meet up with some single mums with children already - meeting them and their happy children will definitely help


DCN (Donor Conception Network) have local groups who meet up regularly - might be worth contacting them to see when the next meet is near you - they have groups for singles as well as couples. 


Or let us know where you are and hopefully there will be someone here who is local to you who can meet up for a coffee   


A couple of things to think about meantime:
- just because you are single when you try/have the baby, doesn't mean you won't meet someone and your child have a dad in the future - you can still have the family you dreamt of (but don't wait to have children as it may be too late) 
- your child won't be 'missing out' as such because they will never have had a dad. You would miss your dad now because you are so close but your child won't miss something they have never had (plus they will have a fab relationship with their grandad 😄 ) 


Hope this has helped, wishing you all the very best,
x


----------



## Me Myself and I

Hi
I understand your concerns.
As my one year old sleeps next to me, I know I made the right decision. I hope that my lo does not feel a loss, but can only explain that without the method I chose lo wouldn't exist! 
Like you I have lots of family around so know lo gets lots of what may have come from a father from them.
I also have seen so many people think they have the family set up and then it has come crashing down and the impact is for the majority worse Imo.


----------



## goldbunny

I was 'sold' all kinds of dreams mainly based on rather old-fashioned children's literature but also influenced by long term relationships in my family. The sad (but in some ways these days also rather interesting) fact is that real, modern, families come in all shapes and sizes and no matter how it may look 'on paper', nobody is living the dream. The dream is just a dream. Don't miss out on life while sitting waiting for it. Real families have all kinds of challenges to face. Don't grieve for something imaginary. Enjoy life now.


----------



## goldbunny

Ps, if you have a baby now, they will be able to have a good relationship with your own dad. I am quite sad that i didn't manage to have a baby ten years ago ... (Or before then!) because although i am blessed now, my own parents are old and likelihood is, my child won't have as much influence from my dad or memory of him because they will spend less time together. So if you wait for a hypothetical good dad to be there for your baby you could lose some great 'grandadding' time in the meantime.


----------



## GIAToo

Hi

Like Suitcase my only regret is that I didn't try for a baby a lot sooner.  As others have said there is plenty of time to meet a partner, but not to have a child. 

Meeting other single Mums is a really good idea, so do let us know where you are.

Take care 
GIAToo xx


----------



## Amelia81

Thank you for your responses. I feel much better already. I take on board those that said they wish they had done it sooner and it doesn't seem like anyone has any regrets.

Does anyone know why my post got moved here though?


----------



## Amelia81

I'm in Cheshire / South Manchester area. Would be great to meet others if anyone is nearby? Coffee and a chat sounds good.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Amelia 
I'm Cheshire.  PM if you'd like to meet for a chat.
TCCx


----------



## scarletlipstick

Hello all, just thought I would introduce myself! I'm 34, single, have been for a while now, last year decided to go it alone as always have very much wanted to have kids. However I thought I would go for IVF with donor sperm (sorry - forgetting all the abbreviations!) and freeze the embryos. A bit bold maybe and to be honest I hadn't really thought that I would go through all that and not get any, but there you go. The reason for this is that I have a job that I can't really do and be a single mama - I'm an obstetric trainee and need to switch to a gentler pace. So first round of IVF a few weeks ago, amazingly 9 little frostie ones for the freezer, all at blastocyst ("wee beauties", apparently!) So need to change jobs, then go for FET once I'm done. 

I'm probably incredibly naive but actually feeling quite excited about doing this by myself! I'm a pretty independent woman and it just seems like it's gonna be fine... My parents are a bit sad about it but basically supportive. And all my friends have been completely amazing! So what do you think - am I kidding myself?! May not be on here too much until I actually properly start the journey but wanted to say hello to you all.


----------



## Blondie71

I don't know a single mum yet who has regretted this path in spite of some very difficult & unforseen challenges being thrown their way, I think all of us would agree motherhood is without doubt one of our greatest and most pleasurable accomplishments, I'm so glad I put my fears aside as I would have missed out on so much love, I'm a different person because of them x


----------



## scarletlipstick

Sorry Amelia, it occurs to me it wasn't very tactful to post mine so soon after yours. I just wanted to add that I do get where you are coming from - I have spend the last year or so coming to terms with this. I read 'Single Motherhood by Choice' which I recommend if you haven't - and it talks about spending time grieving the idea of the family that you thought you would have. That was helpful to me and I definitely spent some time doing that.

I had always said that if I was single at 32 I was going to start on this road (I think working in the field makes you even more hyper aware of clocks etc.) and actually it wasn't until I was 33 that I could even really contemplate it. One thing to potentially consider is freezing embryos with donor sperm as I have done - there is no pressure to use them yet but the eggs will be younger, and if you meet the partner of your dreams in the next couple of years (or even more!) then that is fine and you don't necessarily need to use them. Depends a bit on resources of course (as always). 

I don't know if that is helpful and I'm thinking about you - losing what we thought we would have can be hard.


----------



## Blondie71

Another point girls you may meet your dream man only to discover down the line he has zero sperm count and those frozen embryos may prove a lifeline to you, freezing embryos (not eggs) is great insurance to have regardless!


----------



## TimeBomb

Hi there, I'm new here also.

I'm 43 next week, single, and have already gone the SMBC route for my three-year-old -- I definitely don't have a regret in the world. My son was conceived through at-home insemination, but it seems my eggs have shrivelled between then and now! Planning a DE transfer in the near future to give him a little brother or sister.


----------



## Amelia81

Hi Scarlet,

No don't worry at all. It's a thread for all of us although I still don't understand why my post got added to this (I had started a new post). This thread is that long I think a lot of people's posts would get missed in here and I was after specific advice.

Anyways the freezing embryos is an option I guess. TBH not something I've looked into too much. At the moment I'm looking at home insemination route or maybe IUI. 

thanks for the advice on the book, I am off to get a copy from Amazon!


----------



## scarletlipstick

Ooh Amelia I'm glad! I hope you enjoy - it was extremely useful for me (although American so not directly applicable for some things). 

Re: embryos with DS. Not sure I would have thought of it either tbh, but just as I was thinking about it a friend of mine (also working in my field) was planning having her first frozen embryo transfer with a donor egg (she already had a LO) and so we both kind of had the idea that that's what I should do - not being in a place just yet to raise a child. Did seem to make sense though - you get the youthful eggs (!) but a few more years to come to terms with the decision and potentially meet someone - whether that be the person of your dreams or someone to co-parent with. (That didn't appeal to me - too complicated! - but people do do it.)

Having said that I have read more on here since then and getting enough embryos to freeze is far from a guarantee. I'm not sure I would have been quite so blasé if I had known that, although if you are relatively young like me I think the chances are pretty good. You would have AMH and scan before proceeding down the road so would know more about what your chances are likely to be.


----------



## Amelia81

scarletlipstick, I received the single mothers by choice book today and spent 2hrs sat in Costa reading it! Managed to read the bits that are relevant to me now. I was a bit shocked when it suggested to have a year's salary in savings   this is don't have. Money will be my biggest concern but I think that's normal.

Right now I feel absolutely certain I am going to do this! It's now just a matter of timing and deciding on method and practicalities. I've decided to put the planning in writing. I am also thinking of starting a journal addressed to my (hopefully) future child so one day I can share it with them and they can see how much thought and love went into it. This baby would be made with as much love as any other couple. Has anyone else done this?

Do you know what, I already feel better by starting this process. I have switched from feeling like there is no hope to having every bit of hope. I know it won't be easy and no guarantees that I will even conceive but at least I know I will have tried. I feel like I have options now rather than feeling like I don't have any because I am single. I am taking control of the situation. My focus now will be on being a single mother by choice in the next two years. That's the priority now over meeting someone. Life without trying for a child of my own is no option for me.

Eeeek excited!!!! I am so glad I've found this forum. So many of you have been so supportive already. Even hoping to meet tincancat soon!

xx


----------



## MovingOn2015

Hi there, I am new here.

I am 39, almost 40 and in South Manchester and it would be lovely too meet other women who are on this journey, especially in or around Manchester. 

I have been in a relationship with a younger partner for 9 years. He was 7 1/2 years younger but we had planned to start a family when I turn 30. 
When I was 34 I had fertility investigations but he decided to back out and wait. When I was 36 it turned out that he had never wanted children but didn't want to lose me, so I've been waiting 9 years for him to start a family that was never to happen. That's when I left. (Sorry if I sound bitter, I am still mourning the lost time). I had two relationships after that, but both men although similar to my age were the wrong guys and shy to take responsibility. Not men I would have felt safe having children with or even trusting to take care of me if anything happened. 

A few months ago I finally made the decision to become a single mother by choice. This decision was such a huge relief and I am still crying with joy thinking about the day it just "clicked". It makes perfect sense and I have no qualms using a donor. 

In the past few years I had put on 5 stone and slowly lost 2 again, having regained most of it again however. I am on the border to eligibility weight-wise, so am losing weight again, really enjoying it this time, knowing that hopefully at the end of it there will be a wonderful baby. 
Today is the day I have to call in for the Pink Proforma, arranging the appointment for bloods and scans. The call-in time is 2pm - 4pm, so less than an hour to go until I know my appointment time. 

I have read "Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide". What a fantastic book. Currently I am reading Zeta West's IVF book.

I am looking forward to meeting you all and hope I can give useful support and advice.


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## scarletlipstick

Hi Movingon and congratulations, it sounds like you have had a tough time but are feeling happy about your choices!

Amelia I'm glad you're feeling more excited! It is a great book for a calm balanced but cheerful take on things I think, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Also re: the money - don't forget it is an American book, and they are a country with a paying healthcare system and much less maternity support, and generally much less of a social safety net. So I don't think the money thing necessarily applies. Working on labour ward I can promise you that lots of single women without a year's savings give birth! 

I know exactly what you mean about feeling calm and feeling like you have options now, I feel the same! I got the letter from my clinic to say that my 9 embryos are in the freezer and that I have a very good chance of going on to have a successful pregnancy from them so they don't recommend any further cycles of treatment. That's a relief (couldn't afford them anyway) but very exciting also!


----------



## pickle162

hey,

I'm holly, 31.  I'm just getting my head round starting this scary process of having donor iui or egg share with ivf on my own. i've been thinking about donor iui for a while and then after yet another person at work is pregnant and i found myself sitting on the beach on holiday crying my eyes out and thought 'i need to do something now' unfortunately after buying a new house last year, and paying for a new bathroom and garden on top of this, i have no savings. So frustratingly i cant do anything for about 18months to realistically have enough money to pay for treatment and have some back up money whilst im on mat leave (hopefully if ever got preg). i'm a bit worried about how i would afford things-mortgage, eating etc but i dont think anyone is ready money wise :/ would need to sort that nearer the time.  I know it seems a bit early to be on here but im trying to get as much info as poss but also bit gutted i cant start sooner and its all i can think about at the mo.
I'm going to a seminar at the LWC at the end of october to try and get more info, but with my research i really like the look of the CARE team at tunbridge wells.
anyway i'll stop yapping and say hi   xx


----------



## TimeBomb

Amelia, I have some savings but definitely not a year's worth -- I wish I did!!!

I found that I dipped into it a lot while on maternity leave (Statutory Maternity Pay in Ireland is rubbish), but once I got back to work we evened out. My biggest expense is childcare and even that works itself out if you want it to.

Don't let the thought of money hold you back.


----------



## miamiamo

pickle162- if you have time just make the Internet /forum(s) research- ivf/eggs freezing etc abroad e.g. in Czech rep or Poland.  In Poland there are really good fertility clinics with high success rate, good location and all these positive bla bla bla- plus if you calculate travel, accomodation expenses you can afford a treatment you need or at least it will be cheaper (shorter time to save)


----------



## Tincancat

Poland have passed laws or about to pass laws against single women having fertility treatments. I believe Czech Republic are similar with single women.  Otherwise plenty of other places abroad where it's not an issue plus cheaper then UK.
TCCx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Much harder now to circumvent the no singles law in Czech - worth looking at Ukraine, Greece (especially Serum  in Athens) or Cyprus as alternatives 😄


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Holly, 
If you're not in danger of OHSS you could look into egg sharing and getting your treatment free that way!
Best of luck x


----------



## BroodyChick

Wow this thread has got busy!
Welcome Movingon, Timebomb, Amelia and Scarlet.
I'd recommend joining the DCN also, great source of info and most of the useful books are available free to hire from their library.
I had about 8 months salary saved and took a year off, now I'm back part time and on much reduced income so it's been good to have that money in the bank. I also rent out a room and managed to get my son into a council run nursery, which takes your income into account.

Movingon, I hear you about those time waster relationships! I was done waiting and in my last relationship used a frozen embryo from IVF I'd had with a known donor.
As Amelia said, it did indeed turn out that my 'dream man' was unable to father more children and I would have been too old to get free treatment by then, so it All worked out for the best (apart from the fact he walked out on us, but that's another story).

I would say that more important than money is family support nearby! Friends can be incredibly flakey and the childless ones jus wont get how your life wih baby is changed, the ones with kids won't all have time to support you.
X


----------



## pickle162

Thanks all, due to my job won't be able to travel abroad but will look into different options and see what happens :/ x


----------



## anna8

Hi,  I've already made one post already but I wanted to add more here.  
I was getting really excited about embryo freezing abroad and had my heart set on doing it in Prague as I had read so many good reviews.  I was then crushed when I was told that as a single woman I could not do it there.  I was hoping to go somewhere close as I want to take as little time off as possible.. I know Cyprus treat single women,  but the flight is about 6 hours and then the clinics seem quite far from the airport. 

What other countries will offer embryo freezing to single women?  Is Poland now out of the question?  Is there a way to get around the Czech laws by getting a male friend to sign papers pretending to be my partner? 

I was considering Bulgaria but there seems to be less posts on Bulgarian fertility clinics.


----------



## Tincancat

Greece and Spain are two other options Anna.  The Cyprus clinics usually pick you up from the airport.
TCCx


----------



## anna8

Thanks. I now trying to decide between Nadezhda Fertility Clinic which has 13 positive reviews on treatmentabroad.com and Serum IVF in Greece which only has one positive review. Serum IVF seems to have more feeds on this forum. Can anyone help me make my decision? Thanks.


----------



## McGreen

Hi, Sorry to gatecrash but just wanted to say hello. I've been reading for a while now but finally have something to post. I have just started my first IVF cycle at GCRM in Glasgow. I've been thinking about having IVF for a few years now and went at the beginning of the year to have an ovarian assessment which showed I have low AMH. As I'm 38 I've decided I've wasted enough time waiting for Mr Right to turn up and I better get on with it if I want to have children, so here I am on SP and hopefully egg collection the week of the 19th of October ..... Got really mixed feeling at the moment don't want to be too excited or too pessimistic but really glad I'm on my way now


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Anna.  I've never heard of the first clinic.  Why don't you take a look at the international threads here on FF?  My post has been moderated as I'm not permitted to suggest the threads for individual clinics could be biased in any way.  I'll PM you.

Hi.Mcgreen good luck.
TCCx


----------



## janieliz

Hi anna8,
I went to Serum and after 2 rounds of natural IVF got my precious BFP. After having one cancelled cycle in the uk I went to Greece. It was a very positive experience, my protocol was tailored to me and I met really lovely people when there. I can completely recommend it and never felt overwhelmed doing it by myself over there!

X


----------



## scarletlipstick

Hi McGreen - I'm a fellow GCRMer too so hi there!


----------



## McGreen

Hi Scarletlipstik,
It's nice to hear from a fellow GCRMer  ..... I can see from your signature you had a good cycle !! I'm only on day two of Gonal-f but not really feeling anything apart from having a headache, hoping it's not a bad sign ?


----------



## scarletlipstick

Hmm gonal-f. I don't think I was on that, I suspect I was on menopur instead. I felt completely fine throughout the whole process including injections so it definitely is fine! I was on metformin and felt a bit nauseated from that but otherwise was grand!


----------



## natclare

Anna I had treatment at Serum and can thoroughly recommend it. If you look on the Greece thread there is plenty to read about Serum. I too have not heard of the other clinic. I went to Serum based on word of mouth and the fact that I had never, and still have never, heard anything but glowing reports.


----------



## Blueestone

Hi all

I'm starting my IVF journey tomorrow at LWC and I'm scared n excited!! Just coming on to say hi!!
I'm having the short protocol and start tomorrow after scan on gonal f.. Just trying to see how to get the timing right for days off work or wether to think come next week when it's alternate day scans etc to go off sick or ask gp for sick note?? I was debating tell work but like I've just read on a different thread once. It's out there that's it! So I shall hold off if i can! 

I work for nhs and I don't think they have an IVF leave policy??

Blue


----------



## McGreen

Hi Scarletlipstick, I'm on short protocol is that what you were on?  Definitely starting to feel something now, so hoping it's good news tomorrow at my scan.

Hi Blue, good luck with your cycle. I work for the NHS too and have booked a week off next week as that was the guestimated week of egg collection and transfer. Just thought it was easier that way instead of trying to change shifts last minute. I read somewhere on here that someone else that works for the NHS had paid leave for IVF but it might be trust dependant.


----------



## scarletlipstick

Hi McGreen, yes I think so?! Sorry! Sounds right... I see from other thread you are NHS, snap me too!


----------



## anna8

Thanks for the replies re: serum.


----------



## pickle162

Hi Blue,

I also work for the NHS, and am currently line managing someone is pregnant (jealous!) so i have been reading the family policy and there is something about IVF treatment, i think your entitled to 3 days off without needing sick note/annual leave/unpaid leave etc.....but obviously then you would need to tell a manager to get approval.  The policies may differ based on area but would imagine one NHS place to another SHOULD (in theory)almost identical so might be worth checking out.  
This is totally something i'm concerned about how the hell do you co-ordinate treatment around having my own patients that i cant just cancel??

Pickle x


----------



## Bamdon

Hello everyone I'm Anne-Marie 38 from Scotland. I would like to introduce myself I'm a single women going through iui on my own I had a beautiful boy 5 years ago but sadly he died at 24 weeks. I just had my 4th iui this month and my periods started today  are there any single ladies out there who are going through the same thing as myself? 
Would love to talk to another women who understands the frustrations of this hard but beautiful journey we are all going through. Look forward to speaking to you all


----------



## Blueestone

Hi pickle

I spoke to my manager today and told her she's been fantastic and is giving me the 6 days I need to go for the scanning ec and et! No fuss no nothing! I did find a policy amendment and showed her so she's followed that!  I did say I would have to get a sick note n go off for two days if they couldn't help! Think hat helped!
I have moved visits about today and put other in to after et date! It's very stressful though!!


----------



## Cortneywils

Hi bamdon, I'm so sorry for your little boy....how awful!  

I'm single and decided to do it alone, although I'm not doing IUI, but wanted to say hi and if you ever need to chat...I'm hear!! I had 3 failed home inseminations and I'm now egg sharing am just waiting for a match then hopefully start IVF.

Good luck on your journey   sorry that AF made its appearance


----------



## pickle162

Glad you spoke to your manager,it'll be great to have extra support especially as it will affect your clinics/visits. I've been dropping hints at my managers about it so they aren't too shocked when I do start the process.
Good luck with it all


----------



## Shelby2211

McGreen said:


> Hi, Sorry to gatecrash but just wanted to say hello. I've been reading for a while now but finally have something to post. I have just started my first IVF cycle at GCRM in Glasgow. I've been thinking about having IVF for a few years now and went at the beginning of the year to have an ovarian assessment which showed I have low AMH. As I'm 38 I've decided I've wasted enough time waiting for Mr Right to turn up and I better get on with it if I want to have children, so here I am on SP and hopefully egg collection the week of the 19th of October ..... Got really mixed feeling at the moment don't want to be too excited or too pessimistic but really glad I'm on my way now


Hi there, I have also used GCRM Glasgow they are great, had my LG in Feb 12 (I was 3 went back again to them late 2013 but I never did all that I did the first time round and had a lot of stress and it did not work for me. Have decided tho to give it one last go and have my AMH done which was 6 and heading down for my first consultation on Monday, I will be 43 in Nov. Hope all is going well with you.


----------



## McGreen

Hi Shelby, it's so nice to hear a success story  I'm 38 at the minute and my AMH is only 4 so I'm trying really hard to not think too far ahead. I'm not expecting massive numbers of eggs, but I've been on DHEA since June and following the advice in "it starts with an egg" so hoping I'll get at least one good one ..... 
Good luck with your cycle Shelby


----------



## BouncyButterfly

Hi

I am single and new to all of this. All a bit daunting! But exciting  

I am in the process of trying to decide on a clinic (self funding). 
I am going it alone due to so many failed relationships and due to health issue the longer I leave it the more risky it can be. 

Does anyone have any tips!? Or know how long after having implant removed you can have AMH and hycosy? 

How is everyone? Looking forward to getting to know people


----------



## pickle162

Hey bouncybutterfly 
Welcome  I'm just starting out too, unfortunately I'm right at beginning as trying to save for self funded so little bit behind being able to actually start.
I was on the CARE clinic website yesterday and their information brochure was pretty amazing at explaining load so maybe worth having a look. Can't help personally I read these boards and a lot of it is mega confusing with different figures etc. Might be worth emailing different clinics and see what advice they give,also doubles up as getting a feel of whether you like the clinic eg quick reply,lots of info etc.
Anyway good luck with your journey  x


----------



## Bamdon

Hello I was wondering if there are any other single ladies going through iui from Aberdeen, Scotland would be great to talk and get some support   thank you


----------



## BouncyButterfly

Hi Pickle (love the name)! 

I shall take a look at the Care one, thank you. I'm still only process of trying to choose clinic and have bloods done, so not too far yet!
So far from emailing or calling some clinics I have been able to rule some out sue to response time , or how they were with me. But certainly a good idea to do that.
Do you know which clinic you will be using? And how do you decide which one is best!? Anyone any tips!?


----------



## pickle162

Hi 

I live in medway (Kent) there isn't a huge number of clinics near for private so most are about an hour away....I'm going to a seminar at London women's clinic this Saturday to learn some more but don't really fancy going into London for treatment as a bit of a faff. I have look at CARE in tunbridge wells and BMI @Shirley oaks near Croydon, my friend had twins through Ivf there. Been trying to look up statistics but not huge amount out there about single healthy(hopefully) women having sperm donors so can't really use that so have just sort of based it on how I feel when I've enquired-so will just see nearer the time but thinking probably CARE as really liked them when I emailed them.
Maybe worth visiting a few of your local clinics and see which you like?  x


----------



## Blueestone

Hi

I'm using lwc and I live in the midlands ... It's takes me about 90mins in the train and a short walk from Oxford Circus to get there. I agree it's a faff however there's no waiting list and they have their own sperm bank which I liked ... Had great experiences so far and currently going through IVF with them as single woman x


----------



## BouncyButterfly

Hi
I'm attending London clinic in November for an open event thing. Looking forward to it as hoping the information will be useful. Shame not going to the same one!

I have visited a couple of clinics and one really don't think id use, other I liked in fact was really impressed. Another I'm visiting on Monday. Mine are a travel and one is a big distance, about 2 hours but seems good. I work all over the place at the moment and I may be changing area next year so I am looking in two areas! However if I find the right one I'm willing to travel. 

I'm Suffolk direction.


----------



## BouncyButterfly

Hi Bluestone 

How far into it are you? I looked at LWC for IUI but they are really expensive for that so put me off a little, but will see what I feel when see them next month.

So nice to chat to you ladies, was starting to feel a little alone. I wish you all luck on journeys and look forward to chatting more!


----------



## pickle162

Oh that's a shame it's not the same seminar day.
I know it's nice to know there are people in the same situation,I have told most of my close friends but most have had kids with a partner/husband so don't really get why I would choose to go it alone
Good luck choosing  holly x


----------



## Blueestone

Hi

I had two iuis August and September with the last one resulting in a chemical pregnancy. I had said i wouldn't do IVF and call it a day... However the baby bug got me and now I'm 6days in to my stimming for IVF hopeful for egg collection over this weekend!  With plans to freeze any extra embryos if in lucky enough to get extras! 

I'd have done the egg donation if I'd have been young enough!


----------



## kim2406

Hi All,

I'm 31, single and looking to start IUI in the new year. I am going to an open day at CREATE in Hertfordshire this weekend and am really looking forward to it. I hope I will know roughly what I am talking about after reading everybody's comments but wondered if any of you could recommend any questions I should definitely ask?

x


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Kim 
I'd ask about donor pool.  Some clinics have very few donors and you basically have to sort your own out by importing if they have none suitable.  That adds to the cost.
You will also need to ensure your tubes are patent before.IUI so check costs of Hycosy or HSG.  Your GP maybe able to get that done for you along with basic bloods so should save you a lot of money.
Good luck.
TCCx


----------



## wishfulstar

Hi Ladies,

Totally new to this although unfortunately not so new the the TTC journey with several (5) failed IUI's in the last couple of years using donor sperm. I have one more try and then need to reconsider my options, was thinking of travelling abroad for donor embryo due to finances,  self funding this as where I live single women aren't entittled to any fertility treatment ! Any advice would be welcomed particularly about clinics xx


----------



## natclare

Wishful star - I would look at Serum for donor embryos in Athens, Greece.


----------



## SingleGirl

Hi ladies

Wanted to say hi and introduce myself, I'm Gina, a newbie to the site, I've just turned 38 and getting together info to embark on this journey on my own. Currently very nervous and I suppose a little apprehensive, so much to take in and already worrying I've left things too late xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Gina 
Good luck.  It's never too late - in today's world there is often an alternative.  Have you had any blood work or scans? 
TCCx


----------



## SingleGirl

Thanks TCC 

No tests or anything yet, working my way through info and resources to decide the best way of going about it all, seems to be a lot to take in! Xx


----------



## Tincancat

There is!  Your GP might be able to help with some basic blood tests.
TCCx


----------



## AnotherOnePlease

Hi everyone! I'm new to the boards but not to ttc sadly. I have a 6 year old DD who I conceived naturally (after 13 months of ttc), I had a miscarriage 2 years ago (so know I could still get pregnant) but now, at 40 I'm in a bit of a panic that I'm running out of time to have another. I was considering self insemination with donor sperm from Cryos but now I'm wondering if that will be a waste & I should just go for IUI? 3 months DIY is about the same cost as 1 try IUI so not sure. Any thoughts?


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi anotherone, I know a few women who tried at home inseminations with frozen donor sperm but unsuccessfully.
Have you thought about finding a private donor? That way you're not limited by cost and time frame...x


----------



## MovingOn2015

AnotherOnePlease said:


> I was considering self insemination with donor sperm from Cryos


Hi,
I always thought that home insemination in the UK is not possible as Sperm banks have to send the vials to a registered clinic. Could you please tell me more?
Thanks!


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome to all the newbies!


----------



## tara1987

Hey, 
I have just peformed my second home insemination using frozen donor sperm from cryos, waiting to see if it is possible 
it can be done I know a few ppl now who have had babies from cryos !!!


----------



## jaws3677

Hi all, 
I'm another single newbie joining this site! I'm sorry I didn't find it before, there's so much info here! I'm really loving reading the posts! 
So I'm hoping to have unassisted IUI in the next few days. I'm using a known donor. Very excited but also nervous!


----------



## kim2406

Hi all, so I have had my initial scans and consultation, recommended mini ivf instead of the iui I was expecting, don't know where to go from here.... My amh is 7.5 and I have 12 follicles in total (6 each side), no other problems visible. What would you recommend from past experiences? The consultant said I'd have a 95% chance of success with ivf rather than a 15% chance with iui which is why it was recommended.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Kim, I'd say it depends on your age.
IUI is much less invasive and can work out cheaper, if you're too old to get free IVF a as an egg sharer it would be a more gentle option but could also waste some time.
I know women who got pregnant on their first IUI and I had severe OHSS During my first IVF Pregnancy, so it's hard to be generic. Go with specific medical advice and your gut feeling!x


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi Kim,

I see from a previous post that you're currently 31. If you look at the HFEA stats for women under 35 IVF success is around 35%. Bearing in mind those figures are for women who have fertility problems, and you probably don't, I'm sure your chances are higher than that - but they won't be anything like 95%.

You could try using this calculator:
http://www.ivf.org.uk/treatments/pregnancy-calculator

And then what you could do is work out the percentage/cost ratio. For example if an IUI is going to cost you £1,500 (and it will be around that price if you have to pay for donor sperm), with a 15% chance of success, and an IVF cycle is around £5000 i.e. over 3 times as expensive, then is it over 3 times as successful?

The great thing is that you're young so your egg quality should be good and you don't need to worry about your clock ticking just yet.

If I were you I think I'd probably have a few IUIs first - you can see from my signature I decided on that approach when I was a lot older (I started trying aged 39). I wasn't a great candidate for IVF as I have a very low AMH (for me the stats for IVF weren't that much higher than for IUIs so it didn't seem to make sense from a cost point of view) however with hindsight I wish I'd had IVF sooner.

However at aged 31 you should be fine with IUIs (most of the doctors I spoke to were of the opinion that single women were like couples trying to get pregnant for the first time - and you wouldn't advise them to start off with IVF straight away - so generally recommended a number of IUIs first). Or as Broody says there is the option of an IVF cycle with free egg sharing.

You should check out your tubes are patent though if you're going to go down the IUI route (which you might be do on the NHS - I was able to).

Hope that helps.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## notamuggle

Hi Kim!

Like Broody said it's very hard to be generic but I agree with Professor Winston that clinics are too quick to jump to more expensive and more physically and emotional stressful procedures.

If  the only reason you're having fertility treatment is that you're single I don't see why they wouldn't suggest IUI I first

3 IUIs for me cost £2250 plus the sperm (but you'd pay for that either way) 

I have got pregnant 5 out of 8 IUIs which is great odds for me (ive had recurrent miscarriages unfortunately but thats not related to the method of conception) 

My consultant at the clinic suggested I move to IVF just to try something new but my recurrent miscarriage Dr at my hospital suggested I stick to IUI which is what Prof Lesley Regan also says (try and get pregnant as naturally as you can and IUI is as natural as I can do it!)

My AMH was 13 when I started the process 2 years ago

Good luck whichever path you choose xxx


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Not a Muddle 
Have you thought of seeing Professor Quenby and Professor Brosens in Coventry for an endometrial biopsy?  Both these NHS research consultants have had a lot of experience and research into uterine environment being optimal for successful pregnancy.  
TCCx


----------



## notamuggle

Hi tincat, I have been considering going to coventry but when I found out my last MC was due to a chromosomal problem I decided to just go straight in for another iui, I have emailed them though and I may consider seeing them in the new year xxx


----------



## Tincancat

Might be worth it because it doesn't cost an awful lot in the grand scheme of things.
TCCx


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi notamuggle,

Really glad you've been to see Lesley Regan (did you have an appointment at the RMC, St. Mary's?). She's very no nonsense but is a world authority on miscarriage.

I'm glad you got some answers about the cause of your last miscarriage. I agree it's best to do things as naturally as possible - the only thing you might want to consider is that it's possible your eggs (like mine) are slightly worse quality than average - hope you don't mind me saying - and that if you have IVF with CGH, you can have chromosomally normal embryos transferred, thus avoiding another miscarriage. I wish I'd done that much sooner. Also, if you are hoping to have more than one child, it might be a way of banking a normal embryo whilst you are still relatively young - assuming you have a reasonable egg reserve.

But here's hoping your latest IUI has worked....fingers crossed.

Did you see a few of us are getting together in London on January 3rd? Come if you can! And we can talk more.....


----------



## notamuggle

Thanks Rosalind, I didn't get an actual appointment with Prof Regan but I was lucky enough to talk to her at the fertility show this year which was great. The chromosomal problem this time was a trisomy so not age related and totally random, I don't know the cause of the previous 4 mcs though and I have been wondering about egg quality. Because if this I went to lots of talks on egg selection at the fertility show and did lots of research and as I can get pregnant easily I've decided I'm better off trying as naturally as possible for now. I might reconsider though depending on what happens in the future and I was thinking about the possibility of freezing embryos

Do you mean Jan 3rd meet up? I've got a friend's baby shower that day (although I don't want to go and would rather meet you guys!) 

Xxx


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi notamuggle,

Re the trisomies, it's true they are random and can occur at any age, but the most significant risk factor by far is maternal age. My last miscarriage was most probably down to Trisomy 21, and the genetic testing I had on my embryos following that illustrated that most of them (but thankfully not all) were affected by trisomies and monosomies. Also, I've been told by a number of different IVF and miscarriage specialists that early miscarriages occurring before a heartbeat is established (again was also the case for some of mine) are most likely due to a chromosomal problem. 

Yes I did mean January 3rd, not December 3rd...I'm going to change my previous post now just in case someone sees it and wants to come {in case you think you're going mad}. Any way you can get out of your baby shower?

xx


----------



## Sophe76

Hi, I am on treatment, day 7 of IVF. I decided to go it alone on my 39 birthday which was in August. It was a no brainer after all my failed relationships and the absolute want for a baby. 
I went in to my 1st appointment having made the decision for IUI and came out having totally changed my decision to IVF!
I have the most supportive family so I feel very lucky to have them but I'm still extremely anxious and scared. My mum has been coming to a lot of the appointments with me, bless her. 
It's so intense and I have cried on a number of occasions! Beginning to the think the clinic must think I'm mad lol!!
I chose my lovely donor from cryosinternational Denmark and can't praise them enough!! 
Role on my little Viking! Every part of my body is crossed! 
Lovely to know there are women out there in the same position as me! 
Good luck everyone xxxx


----------



## Blueestone

Hi

Welcome! I'm in a very similar situation to u! 39 and going it alone as I can't literally hear the clock ticking!!!


----------



## Sophe76

Lol I've been hearing my clock banging in my ear since the age of about 30 😂
Thank you for getting in touch. Xx


----------



## Sophe76

Just had to google all the abbreviations!!! 😂


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Ladies,

It's been a while since I posted in this site.  Unfortunately my marriage has now ended (not related to fertility issues), and I find myself back here looking for advice on clinics abroad and how to go it alone as the clock is ticking.

I see some familiar faces (nam, I remember you from the trying after loss threads- I'm sorry it is still tough for you). 

Anyway, I thought I'd say hello and see who was out there before I get going again.

Mon
X


----------



## Sporty Spice

M0ncris my situation sounds like the same as you. Thought I had found my clinic in Poland towards the end of last year but turns out there is new legislation not to treat single females.The Czech have now unfortunately said the same, can't get any clinics 2 treat me there either (35 years of age, no known problems. full fertility MOT in London next week). Looking at any other EU options other than Spain without costing the Earth if a number of attempts are required. 
Following this thread with interest.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Sporty and M0ncris 
Are you doing IUI or IVF? I believe Denmark is cheap for IUI.  For IVF I found Spain expensive and I ended up in Cyprus as there were cheap flights by budget airline from my local airport, high success rates and only one visit needed.  I also considered Greece but 2 visits were needed and no cheap flights.  
I found cycling abroad much better more like a holiday.
TCCx


----------



## Sporty Spice

Depending on the fertility check unsure if IUI or IVF but I'm favouring the mild IVF and just spending a bit of extra cash. I have just started looking at Cyprus, would you mind saying what clinic you went? It really is a mind field even to get started so your help is appreciated.


----------



## Tincancat

I'll PM you Sporty 
TCCx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello sporty and tincancat,

It is likely to be icsi for me (I'm slow at producing eggs and don't get a large no), but have a phone call with Serum next week so will see what the next steps are likely to be.

Mon
X


----------



## Tincancat

Good luck Mon 
TCCx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Sporty and Moncris, in case this helps I've met a girl through this forum who went to Poland for TX with donor sperm with her ex, pretending they were a couple. Just in case you want to go to a country that has silly regulations regarding single women... 
Sorry to hear about your marriage MOn, keeping my fingers crossed for everyone!x


----------



## M0ncris

Thanks Ladies, that is helpful.

I'm thinking of Serum so will update on that.

Mon
X


----------



## Delphine31

Hello!

Can I join? 

I'm off to Denmark for IUI (trying unmedicated first) with donor sperm shortly. My first IUI attempt will be in about a week's time (typically my cycle has been a bit skewy this month just to make planning tricky!). I'm excited but slightly apprehensive too (more about logistics of getting to the clinic at the right time than anything else)!


----------



## Sporty Spice

Hello- I decided to go with TM in Cyprus. Like you Delphine, donor sperm from the Netherlands. I've actually been booking my flights this evening. 2016 May be a year of ups & downs. Fingers x'd for us all.


----------



## kmurph83

Hi, can I join this group please? 

Quick summary, I am 32 (33 next month), single and planning on becoming a mother through donor sperm and IVF, sharing my eggs. I have been through all of the tests with the clinic, bloods, scans, consultations etc and am now at the stage where I am waiting to be matched to a recipient. They tell me this can take up to 8 weeks, if no match by then they'll begin my treatment and freeze half my eggs for a future recipient. I'll be 3 weeks into the wait on Wednesday and it's dragging! If I have to wait the full 8 weeks I will have just missed one cycle so will be end of March before I can begin. I'm also high risk of OHSS so may have to have the EC then wait another month before ET to allow for recovery. Of course I could get matched sooner and begin end of Feb, it's all up in the air at the moment! So if anyone on here will be starting treatment any time in next 3 months I may well be joining you


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## BroodyChick

Welcome Kmurph!
I also egg shared and was blessed with my little boy after FET.
Don't take any risk of OHSS would be my advice, I was 35 and not skinny when I got it in early pregnancy, so it's best
To be on the safe side.
Fingers crossed you won't wait long for a match, I didn't have any wait at all.
If you do wait a bit, it's a good time to get your support network once baby arrives in place, by talking to close friends and family on how they could be involved to help. X


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## bossypants

Hello All!!
I am completely new to this site and though i would say hello! I am so pleased to have found a place where people are talking about their journeys. I am at the beginning of mine. Have had my AMH test and am investigating where to get a scan next. I am single, 38 and quite excited, but so scared at the same time!! Delighted to have found this forum and all of you ladies!


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## Sporty Spice

Hello Bossypants & welcome. Have you decided where you are having treatment?  I'm soon 2 start my meds & reality setting in. I had my scans, bloods in London but had to do a lot of chasing for the results (over a week). Looking for somewhere else for any subsequent scans if they are required when I'm back.


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## M0ncris

Hello ladies,

Welcome, I am sure you will find the site really useful and a good source of information. Good luck with your journey's.

Mon
Xx


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## jaws3677

Hi, 
Im new to this thread although ive been a member for a while, im now about to start my treatment! Its been a long road since i made the decision last april (2015) to do this alone. Im theilled to read that there are so many others making this decision alone too!! Im really fortunate to have found a lovely clinic, who seem to be pulling out all the stops for me. I just hope it works! 
Good luck to you all,


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## M0ncris

Welcome Jaws, I love your avatar. Where is your clinic?

Mon
X


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## bossypants

Hello All!!
Hi Jaws and Sporty Spice!
I'm so excited for you all to be on this site. I am a little lost in the pools of information. So I am deciding to take this stage by stage. 1st stage is dome, my AMH came back 14.5 which is apparently normal for a 38 year old. Next stage, I need to get a scan I suppose. Make sure there are no blockages I suppose. What other tests are necessary? The London women clinic seem to require tons of them, all costing lots of money through them! I suppose I am looking for a recommendation for a good clinic. Also, a good sperm bank, that has a mixture of donors that doesn't charge the earth!! So many Questions I know. I can't believe that I got a response on this thread! It makes one feel a little less alone in the process. 
Huge congrats ladies, for taking matters into your own hands...I think it's very brave of us all!! 
All the best


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## PleaseGod :)

Hello ladies

London newbie here. I will be 39 in April and still single. Not that I mind to be perfectly honest. I have always wanted to be a mum and wish I knew I could be one without a partner. Anyway, it's never too late, right? 
Gennet clinic in Czech Rep has caught my attention. I work not too far from their London clinic so think I will do most investigations there. I have no idea what is my fertility status and I am a little worried. I was in a relationship for 10 years and got pregnant just once. I then miscarried at 6 weeks. 

Anyway, I am gonna think positive and keep my eyes on the winning prize or prizes 

Typing my first post has made me ever so excited about this journey. 

Bossypants: what does an AMH of 14.5 means? We are the same age


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## Sporty Spice

Hello PleaseGod, I too looked at Czech Republic, even found the clinic I was hoping 2 go with but then I had the response, they do not treat single females. Something 2 do with trying 2 claim expenses for a child born from the doctor who inseminated. Some of the Czech clinics had been insinuating treatment could be given if I had someone with me who would sign the forms and act as a 'partner' but still use donor sperm. I transferred my attention onto Cyprus. Seems more expensive but I felt that was going 2 be a better path for me.


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## daisyg

Hi,


Hope you don't mind me barging!  I am sure you are completely aware of this, but I just wanted to put it out there that going abroad means that your child won't have the same advantage of an open donor that you get in the UK?  I do realise that you have made choices for a good reason, but as a solo mum to 9 year old donor embryo twins conceived in Spain,  I am really aware of the lack of information on my donors I received from the clinic.  It is something the my children are asking questions about now and I am sad I cannot give them information.  


Your children may eventually be aware that there was an option to have an ID release donor and that may be a thought?  Also, the clinics abroad do not offer implications counselling as in the UK and that my be something to think about having privately?  More info. at the DCN if you would like to speak to other solo mums.


Best,
Daisy xxxx


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## Delphine31

I'm having my treatment at a clinic in Denmark as a single woman, using sperm from a contactable donor so that when the child turns 18 they do have the option of getting in touch with the donor (although there are never any guarantees that the donor will be willing to make contact at that point). 

So I don't believe it's the case that you have to be treated in the UK for open donor sperm.


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## Sporty Spice

Hello - This is an area I thought long and hard about (unknown donor). Something morally I was unsure about long before the process of finding a clinic. I am using a donor bank in the Netherlands and at least have the donor baby/ toddler photos & various extended info and hand written letters to pass on. There will always be difficult times for a child born with the help of a donor known or not but firmly believe if they are educated age appropriately I hope s/he will be just fine & will answer questions 2 the best of my ability). I'm lucky in my family I have two brothers and so male role models are around.


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## daisyg

Hi Delphine,

Yes, you are right.  Apologies I didn't clarify that in my reply.  Places like Denmark and the US do have the choice of ID release donors.  I was thinking of countries like the Czech Republic and Greece who have laws on donor anonymity.

Sometimes you may be able to get round the law by importing an ID release donor from a US/Danish bank, but not declaring it as ID release - I did that once but it was many years ago and things may well have changed.

Best of luck,
D xxxx


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## daisyg

Sporty Spice - I have 9 year old twins conceived using donor embryo in Spain.  They ask me lots of questions, mainly about why they don't have a daddy (very common for single mum families!), but also about their donors.  I have no information, so having all that information for your child sounds very good.  The only thing I would think about would be later on when they realise that you could have stayed in the UK and had an ID release donor.  Of course, it may be that it doesn't worry them at all and is a non-issue, but it might be!

I realise that all children are different, but my kids would like to know more about their donors.  Of course, whether they would want to meet them is another thing entirely and as yet unknown!

Best of luck,

D xxx


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## Sporty Spice

I agree with you Daisy's, must be hard with kids being so inquisitive. For me I will just have to go on the honest route of saying the treatment costings in such countries with known donor ID all appeared to be so much more expensive, verses the amount of attempts that may have been required, plus having the biological clock ticking in order for there to be a successful outcome. Like you say a donor that indeed may agree now, may not wish to have any contact As the years progress. With me, I did think even with the baby photos the child would have the heads up & potentially could carry out a certain amount of research on the aspects raised in the questionnaire and so forth should s/he wish in investigating further but also lay the grounding, the biological father has given a fantastic gift of life towards women such as us but may not wish actually to have any further contact.
No easy steps really eh?


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## Rosalind73

You can send non-anonymous sperm to some clinics in Greece....


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## Rosalind73

For me I didn't have to do anything different, other than ask the representative at the sperm bank not to put details of the donor in with the shipment


----------



## daisyg

Hi Rosalind,
Thank you for letting me know that.  I wasn't sure about that, but that is in fact what I did 10 years ago with my Spanish clinic.  I chose a US bank ID release sperm donor, and had the sperm shipped to IVI.  The technicality is that even ID at 18 sperm is anonymous until the child reaches 18!  So that is a way to get round the anonymity rule.

Thanks!

D xxx


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## BroodyChick

Most donor conceived people seem to want as much info as possible, according to a recent survey by the DSR.
Understandable really and the reason I went for an (unregulated) known donor, which of course comes with its own set of issues to consider! At least there won't be some big mystery.
You're deciding this for your child, not just for yourself so just think how you'd feel in that situation. I do believe in future it will be easier tracking ones genetic makeup (23 and me...), but anticipating questions is a good place to start from. It's not just about saving a few grand (? If that?) if the new person you're creating is facing decades of uncertainty about their origins x


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## Sporty Spice

I don't think anyone should say what somebody should or shouldn't do. If they have taken the steps to go as far as IVF I'm sure they have thought about possible outcomes in all different kind of scenarios & what maybe best for child, adult & circumstances. The above makes it sound as if a selfish act is taking place unless conforming 2 a specific ideology. Surely the site is about supporting somebody during this process not condemning for taking an alternative route. Momentarily I thought about leaving the page but then decided 2 stick around & place a deflective response, namely for those that may have felt a slight dig to the comment above.


----------



## mamochka

Thank you Sporty! Although I am sure Broodie did mean it to sound so categorical! I for one was conceiving a child while married in anonymous Greece. Now single mom and although still little I am wondering what story to tell as ex is out of the picture(my wish)! X


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## Delphine31

It is so difficult, and that need for us to feel as though we are doing the 'right' thing is strong.

Everyone has to make their mind up about what is right for their situation, but I do agree with Broodie that the main consideration should be what is right for the child. 

Whether we choose a known donor, open donor or anonymous donor at least we can all feel positive that we're doing something better than going down the pub and finding a random (who unless people take contact details, will probably be as untraceable as an anonymous donor by the time the child starts asking questions).

For me personally, I feel that it is important to give my child some chance to know about their donor, when they turn 18, so I have chosen a contactable donor. But, there are no guarantees and it is quite possible that these donors who have donated on a contactable basis may not want to communicate with the results of their donations in 18 years' time! It will be a difficult balance to strike telling my child (if my IUIs are successful) that they can obtain the donor's details when they turn 28, but managing expectations in case their donor doesn't respond or something has happened to them and they can't be contacted.

In summary, it's a minefield!


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## BroodyChick

Hi Sporty
As others have said, you come to your decisions via your own experiences and prioritues, nowhere in my post did it say what someone 'should' or should not do, and when I say you I also mean we/everyone posting on this forum.
I was simply repeating findings from this survey which someone shared recently on FF https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/sites/default/files/files/305%20Advice%20from%20Offspring(1).pdf

Nowhere does my message say that anyone should care about my opinion.

I'm also asking as a donor myself, because I would not have considered sharing my eggs if the process was 100% anonymous
/links


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## Sharry

Ladies

There is no right or wrong answer and I am sure people think long and hard and that they do what is right for them, so please be respectful and sensitive to other people's personal choices.

Sharry x


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## Eymet

Hello ladies

It's interesting reading all thoughts and ideas. 

I've had DD recently and now have my BFP.....still a long journey ahead, but am thinking all these things through. 

Both D's I chose through photos and with lots of information about their upbringing, family backgrounds, nationalities, hobbies, jobs, personalities etc. Having said this, they are both anonymous, as in, cannot be contacted, unless the law of the country changes in the future, which is a bit of a shame, but I'm pleased I know quite a bit about them and have child photos of both of them. 

If all goes well, I just want to concentrate of being a loving Mum and who knows, maybe meeting a man that is right in the future... 

Good luck everyone!!! Is anybody waiting their first scan at the moment?


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## BroodyChick

Hi Eymet, welcome and congrats!
Yes I know a few examples where for one reason or another (usually limited by the country the treatment happened) someone had anonymous egg or sperm, but it's nice to be able to share photos and other info. As I said above, it is only going to be easier to find people in future, so who knows if those donors stay a mystery for long.
I deeply believe that on a spiritual level, we get the children who are meant for us, regardless of who provided the genes. This won't stop any child being curious though and I found those answers on that survey very revealing.


----------



## bossypants

PleaseGod :) said:


> Hello ladies
> 
> London newbie here. I will be 39 in April and still single. Not that I mind to be perfectly honest. I have always wanted to be a mum and wish I knew I could be one without a partner. Anyway, it's never too late, right?
> Gennet clinic in Czech Rep has caught my attention. I work not too far from their London clinic so think I will do most investigations there. I have no idea what is my fertility status and I am a little worried. I was in a relationship for 10 years and got pregnant just once. I then miscarried at 6 weeks.
> 
> Anyway, I am gonna think positive and keep my eyes on the winning prize or prizes
> 
> Typing my first post has made me ever so excited about this journey.
> 
> Bossypants: what does an AMH of 14.5 means? We are the same age


Hello! It means the Anti Mullein Hormone test. It's a fertility test which checks your egg reserve! xx


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## Topcat1975

Hi folks, hoping I can get some opinions on my situation.

I've been to a clinic here in the UK.  My AMH is 4.6, low according to the consultant. He recommended a 3 course cycle of IUI with mild stimulation. I will be using donor sperm. As I had not considered 3 course the cost has drastically increased. I know you can't put a price on a baby but I'm trying to be realistic. I've been researching and I've come across people receiving treatment abroad.

Has anyone chosen this route? If so where and what was your experience?  I'm currently looking at Nadezhda Women’s Health Hospital in Bulgaria.

I would be delighted to hear your stories


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## daisyg

Hi Topcat1975,

I guess one of the most important considerations we single women have to think about is that if you stay in the UK or use an ID release donor, your child will have information on their donor/s and a chance to find identifying information at 18.  Many countries in Europe only allow anonymous donors and this is something to consider carefully.  Many people go abroad for financial reasons, but I would really urge you to do your homework as it is potentially a hugely important issue for your child.

I am a single mum to 9 year old twins with no information about my donors.  My children and I would like more!  Your child will one day ask you why they don't have a dad, and may also know that you had the choice to have an ID release donor, and that may be an issue.  It does help to fast forward to this time to see how your child may feel in the future.  I do know how hard that is when we just want a baby and the clock is ticking!

I really recommend doing your homework and seeing if you can have treatment in the UK or somewhere that allows ID release sperm? 
I would also recommend some tests before starting e.g. if doing IUI, making sure tubes are clear and uterus all ok.  I would also check your thyroid and perhaps get your GP to run some basic tests e.g. thyroid, clotting, autoimmune, infection, low vitamin D etc.

Have a look at the Donor Conception Network website, which is a support organisation for those contemplating treatment with donor sperm/eggs.  They have a membership of about 600 single women who have been where you are now.  They have a helpline and can put you in touch with other single women who are going through the process or those who already have children.


Best wishes,


Daisy xxxx


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## Topcat1975

Thank you Daisyg. I will check out the Donor website you suggest.

Xx


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## Tincancat

Hi Topcat I went abroad to Cyprus.  My male donor was Danish chosen from the Cryos website and female donor was British living in Cyprus.  In Cyprus as well as some other countries you can do a Tandem Cycle whereby you stimulate for IVF at the same time as a donor then if you don't respond well then you have donor for back up so you would always get to transfer.  This is particularly useful for ladies who are expected to have a poor response to IVF.

As Daisy says if you go abroad generally you have to have anonymous donors so this is something you need to decide on.  Also some countries abroad will not treat single women.  The Czech Republic and Poland are competitive prices but won't treat singles.  I've not heard of the Clinic you have suggested so perhaps you need to check they treat single ladies.

With regards to if you even need IVF have you considered IUI abroad?  I maybe wrong here but I think you can use ID release sperm in Denmark and it's much cheaper than UK.  However as I said in one of your other threads you will need a HSG or Hycosy before going for IUI.

Lots for you to think about.  ID release donor sperm or anonymous?  IVF or IUI?  Home or abroad? 
TCCx


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## Damelottie

Hi Topcat

I had successful treatment in Czech republic as a single woman so not sure if that has changed snce. 
Tne DCN can be useful but don't let it be your only place to discuss things! There are many of us who have used anonymous donors and remain very happy and positive about that decision. 
My overall experience of going abroad was excellent and I'm so pleased I managed to do it. 

Good luck

Xx


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## TimeBomb

I agree that while some people have strong feelings about known donors, others prefer to go the anonymous route.

I used a known UK donor to conceive my DS, and I'm happy with that decision. However this time I used an anonymous donor and I'm equally happy with that.

There's more than one way to make a family, even for us single girls.


----------



## Toomtabard

Hello all. I'm another newbie.

I'm 40 in a few months, single and only starting this motherhood (hopefully) trip now. That's partly down to work, and partly because I expect a terrible reaction from my extended family when I do this so have kept putting off the decision. I know some will say it won't be as bad as I think etc, but trust me it absolutely will. I'm going to try anyway and they'll just have to live with it, or not - their choice. I didn't come to the decision lightly.

I'll be completing all primary testing in april/may and then, assuming i'm not a total write off, hopefully doing ivf round 1 with DS in june in cyprus with "team miracle". They have high success rates but it's linked to the possibility of tandem cycles and more embryos being transferred and therefore a higher risk of multiples (which is actually ok by me, even with the risks of multiple pregnancy of which i'm aware).

Just thought i'd say hello and see how this goes.


----------



## Tincancat

Welcome Tombtabard 
Seems Cyprus is becoming very popular with us solo ladies.  Perhaps see what your baseline tests say before making a final decision.  If your AMH is good then perhaps no need for tandem cycle and might be better to spend the extra money on PGS of your own embryos.  
Good Luck 
TCCx


----------



## daisyg

Hi Toomtabard,

Just wondering if you are able to import known donor sperm at Team Miracle or whether you are using their donor sperm? 

It seems still quite new that single women are using clinics abroad for own egg ivf with anonymous sperm donation when known donors are available in the UK.  Of course, I know that often now the issue is financial with UK clinics charging such a lot of money.  However, do bear in mind that you may be able to import ID release sperm to some European clinics.

I used anonymous donors in Spain, and I am always aware that my children may not be ok with that?  Having said that, I am doing my best with being honest with them and answering their questions as best as I can.

Just my opinion!

D xxx


----------



## Sharry

Once again, can I remind you that we are not here to pass judgement on whether ladies should use known donors or anonymous donors, this area is to support ladies who trying to start a family on their own.

Sharry


----------



## daisyg

Hi Sharry,


I do understand and I apologise if it felt like that.  However, with respect, these issues are important to single women so we should be able to discuss them don't you think? 


D x


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## Sharry

This is the welcome thread, the first place women look for support, they should be encouraged to join in and not felt like they maybe judged for their choices. 

I have several messages about the way this thread has been going and feel that we need to return it to the supportive and welcoming thread it once was. 

Sharry


----------



## daisyg

Thanks Sharry,

D x


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## TimeBomb

Hi there, Toomtabard -- welcome!

I know family opinion is always a pressure and I was hauled over the carpet by my mother when I told her I was expecting DS -- 39 years old and I felt like I was 14 again!! He's 3 now, though, and they're so proud of him. This time they took the news much better.

Best of luck for June; keep us posted!


----------



## Toomtabard

Thanks for the welcome ladies.

I've made no decisions on tandem or not, but I will be using cryos, and almost certainly that will be an anonymous donor (as that's likely where the most compatible match will be as I have an uncommon blood type). I will explain that to my child when the time comes, if it comes. Having a known donor does not, in my book, equate to having a father and a history in any case. I personally don't think, explained properly, it  needs to be a negative thing. Plenty of people the workd over grow up without knowing the names of their genetic parentage and do just fine in a loving home. If others don't think that's an acceptable choice, that's fine, I won't judge them for holding those views, but neither will I accept their judgement that I'm wrong. 

I also don't agree with the known donor law in the UK (it means there are very few donors - we're talking single figures in Scotland and NI and those donors are then used to the max within what are actually small populations which brings it's own risks) and even less do I agree with the SET policy (i understand the risks of mulitples and the desire to avoid huge numbers, but I don't believe doctors should have the right to enforce that at the cost of lower success rates for women, nor do I think it is reasonable to deliberately try to stop people who want multiples for either financial or career or personal reasons from trying for them). That fundamentally meant the issue for me was not one of cost or convenience - it was a decision made based on going to a location where my chances are higher of success, using the best available most flexible set of choices. The clinic in Cyprus has much higher rates than UK clinics as far as I can tell. I suspect that's partly because of the tandem cycle option but also because they'll transfer up to 4 embryos in cases where that's justified in their opinion. I ruled out the UK immediately with no examination of the cost because of the daft hurdles and judgmental rules which are pretty immediately apparent when you first look at this option. I don't believe states can legislate as to what is or is not a legitimate family unit, and it feels very much like that's what those laws are really about to me. It's unfortunate because I'd really have preferred to stay close to home, I don't enjoy travel and i'm happier in colder climes, but I've decided to accept that as necessary in order to have the best chance, hence Narrowing my choice to this Cyprus clinic.

Who knows what will happen in future, but whatever it is I want to make sure I have as many choices in thtat future as possible, and that means being prepared to accept less than ideal, which is a realisation I suspect most of us have already come to when making the choice to be single mums this way. If I manage to have a child, I'll try to make sure they have as many choices as possible too, but I have to get to that point before hand and I won't be subject to judgement for choosing to do it by the most likely means of success.


----------



## Red sand

Hi everyone,

I already posted a general intro on the newbies section but I thought I'd introduce myself here too. I found out after some tests at 33 that I had very low AMH and immediately decided that I couldn't bear not to have a family, so I would go it alone. That was over three years ago and 8 rounds of IVF/ICSI ago, and I haven't had a successful pregnancy. Three different doctors haven't got any suggestions of how to continue with my own eggs. It's hugely painful and devastating because I feel like I've failed and I'm out of options. 

I was living out in Australia for the last decade, and was the only person in my (rural) area doing IVF, let alone doing it as a single, so it's been a wholly isolating experience. I have now moved back to UK having pretty much run out of money and getting worried about my mental health if I did any more IVF. I guess I'm interested to hear other people's experiences and to get an idea of what my options are now I'm back in the northern hemisphere. I'm interested in the idea of donor egg as well as donor sperm, and possibly adoption but I have been away so long I don't know where to start. Australia had no real option for single women adopting, and for donor egg/sperm it was not at all easy, and limited options. So that kind of forced my decision to move.

So I'm in a difficult place, stranger in my own country after being away so long, but still desperate for a family I fear I will never have. I don't mind challenges, but infertility is a challenge I would never have chosen in a million years 

Thanks, good to find this group.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Redsand 
I answered on your other strand.  Welcome.
I did double donor abroad as it was far cheaper and much better success rates than the UK.  Downside is anonymous donors.  You can get all scans and testing done in UK then travel for treatment.  I went to Cyprus.  Large pool of international egg donors.  My female donor was British I was offered Greek, Belgian and British donor to match my characteristics.  My friend who also went was offered Danish and Swedish donors.  It's a common misconception you will only be offered local donors with characteristics common to the local population.  Cyprus has UK and American army bases which brings in potential donors.  Most large European cities also have pool of international donors.  

My male donor was chosen from Cryos website and is Danish.

Alternatives are to go for embryo adoption which is often cheaper.

Where are you based in the UK?
TCCx


----------



## engineer1985

Hi,

After reading this board regularly over the last couple of months I finally found the courage to introduce myself. I am 28 years old and have wanted a baby for quite a few years now. Working as a nanny and watching my friends' kids hasn't put me off. 

For the last 2 years I have kept telling myself to keep looking for Mr.Right and keep postponing wanting a baby a bit longer. The thought of making the conscious choice to take a dad away from my kid has been really difficult for me. I have now finally come to the conclusion that I just want to go for it. It's funny, while I can't imagine compromising my lifestyle for a man, I have no problem doing so for a child.

I have now been to the Inseminar at the LWC and had my pelvic ultrasound and AMH test last week at the Bridge. Appointment with the consultant is scheduled next week.

I am excited and nervous, but this forum has already been a great help in making up my mind and getting my head around the process. Looking forward to get to know some of you better over the coming months.


----------



## Amelia81

I've booked in for my pre screening tests next week, consultation on 1st April and I've chosen my donor, eeeeek!!! Soooo excited!!!  

I have a trip to Italy first week in May so will probably start treatment after that. Will speak to consultant but I am swaying towards ICSI so hopefully I can freeze some embryos for future attempts / siblings using eggs that are under 35 years old! I would also want siblings with the same donor so this might be the best option for long term as well as this year.


Good luck to those of you also starting out on this journey!


----------



## BroodyChick

Welcome engineer and red sand!
Engineer, what a brave choice at your age, hope it goes well for you. Are you egg sharing?

Red sand, I looked into adoption before considering donor (I had assumed I'd have fertility problems) and found events held by Coram and also a local council very positive experiences. In London you can barely move for posters about adoption in some areas, and Adoption UK could be a good place to get some info?
You must be mentally and physically exhausted after all that IVF So to get some info about some of the 'children who wait' might make you feel better. It was comforting for me to know in my early thirties that I could adopt a child later on if I hadn't become a mum the conventional way.
The scene and support in the UK is really so different to what you describe and I hope you can regain some faith that you'll be a mum. kizzi on this forum has adopted on her own and may have some insights!x


----------



## engineer1985

Thanks for the welcome BroodyChick. For my first try I have decided to go for natural DI, so won't be egg sharing. I am usually very much a numbers person, but in this case giving DI a try first just seems right to me. Am generally not a fan of medication...though I might change my mind pretty quickly if things don't go as planned over the next couple months.

I had an interesting conversation with the consultant at the clinic who said that usually there are two types of people, ones who want to do everything as natural as possible and other who go directly to IVF to get the best possible chances, since after all both approaches are medical procedures, so why not go for the highest possibility option.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Engineer, yes I know two ladies who got pregnant with a viable pregnancy from first attempt IUI, so go for it!
I was under more time pressure due to my age, and went for IVF as egg sharer after trying at home insemination for around a year. I wish it had been less medicated because I got very ill. Best of luck to you, it can happen x


----------



## Hels22

Hi all
I've recently joined as just starting my investigation and weighing up options.  It's great to find this forum and read the advice and stories of those of you further down the road.  

I have just ended a relationship with a guy who sadly just couldn't get his head around having more kids (has 2 from previous marriage), so knowing it was a deal-breaker for me, I've walked away and now going solo.

I'm 36, turning 37 this summer and have had initial bloodtests which showed follicle count of 16 and AMH 11.2 which they told me was relatively normal.  

I'm looking at egg freezing initially, as by this time next year I'm planning on going for it and trying IUI with donor sperm, so freezing eggs is kind of my back up plan as I keep hearing 36 y.o eggs are better than 39/40 y.o eggs so get them banked asap!

I'm leaning towards going overseas (IVI Valencia) to do it as they seem more switched on and far more responsive than the UK clinics, plus it seems there aren't that many people who are raving about their experiences in the UK?  I'd love to hear from anyone who froze in a London clinic and how their experience was.

I notice also that some of those who are London based used to meet up.  Wondering if anyone still does, as would love to meet others in the same boat and chat about experience/get advice etc.

Wishing those of you already on the journey loads of luck....


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## Sporty Spice

Hello Hels22, your story is very much the same as mine. Good on us for holding strong, I know it's the right thing & if anyone else enters my life they will just have 2 accept baby too (if I was 2 b so lucky). I'm London based too but having treatment at the moment overseas. Best of luck moving forward.


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## Cool Coolio

Hi, I'm 39 and single in London and as my 40th looms closer I'm thinking of doing something about my lifelong desire to be a mum. For starters, I'm considering freezing my eggs if I have any left to freeze, 

A lot in my research so far is still Greek to me. Can anybody give tips on where to start? I've booked a well woman screen with my gp for next Friday.  I'm thinking of choosing a fertility clinic to have an fertility assessment done. There are so many clinics! Don't know where to begin!


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## Tincancat

Hi Cool coolio 
Welcome.  Embryos freeze better so do consider this.  Where are you based?  Maybe we can recommend places for a fertility assessment if we know where you are.  
TCCx


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## daisyg

Hi Cool Coolio,

I agree with Tincancat - do let us know a bit more about where you are. There is a lot of knowledge and support for single women on these boards, so I do hope it will help you.   

My personal advice would be to consider going for it now if you can as time is not on your side.  If you don't cycle, there may be issues that need treating which if left too long, may mean it will be too late to have a baby with your own eggs.

If you can afford to go for it and freeze embryos at the same time, then that would be some kind of belt and braces approach.  But in my experience at your age, you need to get on with it.  

Best,

Daisy xxx


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## Mandy1980

Hi dear ladies

I am new in this forum but as the most of you I try to become a single mom, too. I was in a relationship until recently but sadly we broke up 4 weeks ago. My former boyfriend and I tried IUI in 2013 and frozen embryo donation at reprofit (czech republic) in 2015 but both treatments were not sucessful. This was very painful and it still is because having a baby is my biggest wish. 

Now I try to find a new clinic that also treat single women to affordable prices. I´m from Germany and ivf-treatment for single ladies aren´t possible. I would like to do fresh Embryo donation. Has anyone of you experience with clinics abroad? Thanks very much. 

Sorry, my English is not so good. 

Best regards
Mandy


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## Tincancat

Hi Mandy 
I've responded on your other thread.
TCCx


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## LauraMac

Hi, I'm just about to start IUI for the first time on my own, with donor sperm.
Anyone been here or doing it too?? X


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## Cortneywils

Hi lauramac, I'm not doing iui but ivf...also going it alone with donor sperm  here if you need to chat


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## LauraMac

Thanks, have thought this over for a long time before finally taking the plunge, very sure it's what I want to do so why am I so daunted by it?? Desperate to have a baby and happy doing it alone but starting to feel scared x


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## kt1985

Hi Lauramac. I am doing this journey on my own and it is definitely scary but so worth it. I had iui and 2 rounds of Ivf before I was successful. The most important things is to do what right for u and a having a support system. I was told two years ago it was unlikely I would conceive at age 28 but here I am 22 weeks pregnant. Good luck on your journey and all the pain, stress and worry is worth the amazing feeling of being a mummy x


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## LauraMac

Hi kt1985, 
Congratulations on being 22 weeks, that's amazing news.
I have good support from mum and friends, and really want to do this. 
I'm just so nervous, frightened to get my hopes up incase it doesn't work!
At the moment planning 3 cycles of iui then go from there x


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## kt1985

I'm sure u will be fine. The first is the scariest i remember having lots of self doubt and feeling petrified. People tell me how brave I am to go it alone but I don't see it as bravery. It's more a determination to live your life the way you need to live. I work with children so I know I will be a fab mummy and never doubted that for one second. I could never picture my life without children and just knew I would live a life of regret if I did not make this choice x


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## sands11

Hi Lauramac, I'm going it alone to, done one IUI cycle hoping to start the next cycle in June, feeling excited and nervous but just want to get going again now. Feel free to message me if you wish to. x


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## LauraMac

Hi sands11 thank u for replying! I'm just waiting for my period then starting my first cycle! Scared but excited. Did u do it natural first time or use drugs? X


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## sands11

Hi Laura, my first cycle was using drugs. Exciting times ahead for you, my fingers are crossed for you. Do you have anyone going with you to the appointments? x


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## LauraMac

Aw thank you, I can't believe I'm actually going to do it!
My mums been to a few n my friend coming for the actual procedure xx


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## Choicemummy

Hi, I'm new to this site - am on my 2nd cycle of iui (first cycle was abandoned due to over stimulating) - I'm 8 days post IUI with donor sperm (from USA) so in my 2ww 😁 - have felt super bloated and pms like symptoms throughout this whole process tbh so not sure what is a sign and what isn't!? 
Have family and friends support but nice to be in touch with people going through a similar experience..just have to wait until 9th to test..the wait is not so fun but I'm trying to be positive and visualising the goal 🙏


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## kdequina1978

Hi, how are we all doing?  38 this year and I am planning IVF or surrogacy options. Not quite friendly with single women these two options though...Are you also having the same dilemma?


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## BroodyChick

There's a surrogacy thread too kdequina. How come you're considering this option?
Have you tried getting pregnant before?x


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## Blondie71

Broodychick any plans for a sibling yet or are you still finding help your struggle? Have you checked your local uni's for foreign students that may be able to help in exchange for something, that way you wouldn't have to part with cash per se??


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## Choicemummy

12dp iui and I couldn't wait. Got a bfn. 
These progesterone pessaries are so annoying - they must be the reason for the swollen boobs, headaches, tiredness, and all round bloating as obviously I'm not pregnant!
Did anyone else have these side effects? Anyone else get a bfp after a 12 dp bfn!?? Wishful thinking..


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## TippyToes

Hi everyone. Didn't think I'd be on here again, but here I go. As you can see from my signature I have Had treatment before. Have funds now to have one try on my own with donor sperm. Not starting til September this year. I'm 43 now and will be using my own eggs.


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## Tincancat

Hi Choicemummy 
I had a positive 16 days post IUI.  I was unmediated so when no AF, I tested BFN then 2 days after  that BFP.  Sadly miscarried at 10 weeks after seeing heartbeat at 7 weeks.  It is worth carrying on for a little while longer.

Welcome Tippytoes.  Are you cycling in the UK?  Good luck 
TCCx


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## Choicemummy

Thanks TCC - thank you for replying - it's odd posting on here and nice to be acknowledged. I'm so sorry for your miscarriage, must be so hard, this whole process is so hard. I have a gratitude book where I write 10 things I am grateful for every morning to try and have a positive outlook but it is so hard when things don't work out how you want them to. 
I always remember my first appointment with a egg freezing specialist a year ago who said to me, 'I bet you never thought you'd be sitting here today in front of me in this position' and it was so true. None of us thought this is where our lives would go but you know whilst we plan..god laughs. I'm feeling blue today but have heard the bpn can change so who knows. Back to positivity tomorrow!! I wish you lots of luck and positivity, keep believing 🙏


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## Choicemummy

Oh and yes I'm in the UK, in North London


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## TippyToes

Yes I'm in UK. In first ivf I tested 9dpt and had bfn. Tested again on my otd and got a bfp.


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## Choicemummy

Oh TippyToes I just saw your profile - I'm sorry for your loss too. Seems crazy that some people have it so easy and some so tough. Fingers crossed for this next round though.


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## TippyToes

Thanks. I had a real tough Time with depression after. I have put it all behind me now and look to the future. Only enough to fund one round though, so hoping when time comes I'm lucky and can carry til full term if I get  bfp


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## Tincancat

Choicemummy yes funny old world.  I never thought I'd be on my own doing this.  

Tippytoes If you have only enough funds for one round had you thought of cycling abroad and doing tandem with a donor?  This is where a donor runs along side you and they take all embryos from you and donor to day 5.  That way if yours don't make it then you would still get to ET with the donor embryos.  It gives you a chance at your own eggs whilst having donor back up.  They don't do Tandem in the UK.  Abroad you will most likely find tandem is same cost as OE cycle in the UK.

Keep the faith a little longer Choicemummy.
TCCx


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## TippyToes

Didn't know about that TCC. That means cost of flights abroad and accommodation on top of ivf though doesn't it. I have a dog and cat and work. Don't think that would be possible


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## Tincancat

Hi Tippy Toes 
Even with flights and accommodation it's normally much cheaper and higher success rates abroad.
TCCx


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## Blondie71

I 2nd the abroad option too when you're over 40, much higher success rates and chance of take home baby or babies


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## daisyg

Hi,

Not sure if the own egg success rates over 40 are better in European clinics?  ARGC, Lister etc have very good success rates over 40.

For DE the picture may be different, but not sure there are accurate comparisons between success rates between clinics?  e.g. which are reporting live births as opposed to clinical pregnancy rates.  Need to be very careful when comparing.

Finally, the obvious point about going abroad for donor gametes is the variation in donor information plus of course, the fact that UK has ID release donors unlike most of Europe.

All potential factors in making these very hard decisions!  Of course, cost is a huge factor for most of us!  

Best 
Daisy xxx


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## Blondie71

Yeah Daisy it's the cost of the "good" UK clinics that is the issue, and as you know at 43 you need to be under a good clinic in order to have the best chance, the lowest quote I received in 2010/11 from the top UK clinic's was in excess of 10k (some much nearer 15k) for just one cycle   whereas abroad I could have at least 2 cycles for that and a higher nbr of embryos transferred if I wished so I'm happy I chose abroad esp as it did take a couple of goes plus all the unexpected tube removing surgery, immune testing, hysteroscopies etc thrown into the mix which of course ended up costing me thousands more than I anticipated to achieve my dream initially x


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## daisyg

Blondie,
I do 'hear' you on that one!  You are right in that you need to go to the place that is most likely to give you a baby.  There is no value in staying in the UK if you can only afford one cycle and more would give you a higher chance, I totally agree!  
Informed choice is great, and having that kind of information on UK vs abroad cost is essential in that choice.  I ended up re-mortgaging my house to the tune of 50k to get my babies.  (Although 10 years ago, the UK prices weren't quite as extortionate! I despair at the amount of money the UK clinics take from vulnerable people...).
There may, though, be people who can pay more and for those people, the issues I've pointed out may be a decider?
The other thing I wanted to mention was counselling which is offered in the UK clinics, but you could easily have a private implications session before going abroad.
Best
D xxxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi Tippytoes, really great to see you again! How is the puppy doing?
Exciting times for you, you do sound positive and I really hope things will work out for you this time. We went through a tough time together and I'm happy to hear you say you're putting the past behind you and looking to the future.
So many of us have made our dream come true on our own, and I'm sure you'll get there too! Hugs xx

Choicemummy, plenty of us in North Ldn, check out the meet-up thread too


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## little_finger

Hi Everyone,

My name is Kat and i am 33 years old.  For the past couple of years i have wanted to have a baby.  Only problem i have is the logistics of it all.  Unfortunately all the fertility clinics where i live have a waiting list....... a two year waiting list.  So i have decided to go to the UK.  Has anyone got any suggestions for good clinics?  Also which is the best procedure?  I was considering mini IVF as i will be on a time limit that rules IVF out. 

Thanks


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## TippyToes

Thanks for replies. Been busy over weekend. Took my dog on his annual holiday to a caravan by the sea. My dog needs an operation on both rear legs, so vet said it was OK to take him away, but keep him on lead, which was hard 😕 but he had nice time. 

Broodychick! Hope all's well with you and little one. Toby will be 3 in September and he has been my saviour since I lost George. I'm going through tough time at Mo, because he needs two ops. Waiting for date from vets for his first op ( right leg first) then told it will be cheaper to get second op on left leg, when they do x-rays 8 weeks after, through anaesthetic, to do his left leg. 

Only way I can do ivf again alone, is because I have a friend who is going to fund it .  The total cost including donor sperm, will be £7500. That is at bath fertility clinic


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## Aulintia

Hello,


Im a single woman 40 yo and i will start a cycle with an egg donation in greece. I hope to find a father later for the baby but right now Im single and have decided to do something to become a mum. I would like to become friends with some people in the same case


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## Choicemummy

I've decided to start IVF after 2 failed iui's - I'm using Create fertility clinic in St Paul's, London with Dr Gidon Lieberman - find Create good value for money and lovely nurses, lots of contact and feel comfortable with them. 
Dr Lieberman is very engaging and caring and so far I am pleased with my care. 
Finding injections quite sore with the cetritite also now but all worth it hopefully 🙏


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## sunshine82

Hi everyone,

I'm not really a newbie but a long time lurker.  I think I posted 2 years ago when I first started TTC.

I've had 4 unsuccessful unmedicated IUI's at a clinic in Denmark.  Started trying at 32 and now I'm 34.  I'm feeling so disheartened at the moment that I don't even feel like trying again.  The clinic just say that it will happen eventually.  I don't think they appreciate how much I have invested both emotionally and financially, and how stressful it is trying to arrange the time off work (timing my annual leave to coincide with ovulation!), getting hold of Danish currency, the stress of getting to the airport, flying, and staying in Denmark, and the financial cost of it all!!!  I wish there was a cheaper and easier way!!!  I loved Copenhagen the first time I visited but now I am sick of going there!  I was heartbroken at my last BFN - it would have all been worth it if I had just got the BFP, but it wasn't to be.

Does anyone have any advice for me


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## LuckyE

Hiya Sunshine, sorry to read about your frustration. One of my best mates had IUI and was successful on her 6th time. She was about 32 - got twins. Sometimes it's just a numbers game.


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## Tincancat

Hi Sunshine 
Is it time to move on to IVF?  It's hard to know when to give up on IUI with most clinics suggesting 6 tries.  Do you know what your AMH is? 
TCCx


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## little_finger

Hi Everyone,

I'm 34 and very single.  I have wanted to be a mother since i was a teenager but Mr Right never came along.  So now i am having to go down this road of doing it on my own.  Only problem is it will be another year before i am in the financial position to be able to.  It will cost me more as i have to travel abroad to do this.  I'm from NZ and the have a two year waiting list on sperm so the only option is overseas.  I have talked to my parents and they said they will support me.  For me this was the hardest step telling someone else my plans.  There seems to be a lot of judgemental people out there who think having a child through sperm donation is just wrong.  But then my argument is what is best for the child a one parent home with a support network where the child is loved and well cared for.  Or a two parent home where the child is beaten and neglected.  I think the thing i fear is other peoples judgements and weather what i am planning is selfish.  Could you offer some advice as i need to get my head straight before i bring a child into the world. Did anyone else go through these emotions as well?

Thanks


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## pollita

Hi little_finger, 

Welcome! You are not alone, and you are so brave for taking this step! I too found the hardest step telling people. I didn't tell my mum the first time around, and only broke down when I had a miscarriage and was really scared of what was to come. Second IVF cycle she has been quite supportive so it's paid off to tell her. 

After a little judgement from some "friends" (I use that term loosely for those people now!) I realised that I don't need to tell others. The way I see it, if I were with someone I wouldn't be telling people that I was trying and it wouldn't be any of their business, so why is this any different?

I'll be honest, it took me a while to come to terms with it and  be at ease with my decision but I know now that it's 100% the right thing for me. I see family members and friends who never met the one and never had children, or met someone too late in life to become a mum and I know I don't want to end up like that so this is the right path for me. 

Good luck for your journey! x


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## Tincancat

Hi Little Finger 
There will always be judgemental people about whatever you do in life.  Particularly anything to do with children and how you bring them up.  People seem to think they have a right to express their views where your children are concerned and being a solo mum attracts this unwanted interference even more.  Having said that you have a supportive family so I think you will do just fine.  It's important you are of a 'so what if I'm a solo parent it's no big deal ' sort of attitude to covey to others and your future children.  You will lose some friends who don't agree so you will then surround yourself with those who are supportive.  You can not control how others will be only how you react and respond to these judgemental people.  There is support out there go for it!
TCCx


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## ladybird83

Hello

I won't pretend I know what you feel like because I am not single and when my wife and I decided to have a family there was two of us. But, like you, we faced a double whammy of judgement - first, we are gay and many people think we should not have children. Secondly, we used a sperm donor and only one of us (my wife) is genetically linked to our daughter. I imagine our emotions were much the same as the ones you are now going through - are we being selfish to want a family, will our child suffer as a result of our wishes, how many people will look down their noses at us and shun our child. Yes, there are people who do this. Yes, our daughter has to explain her family set-up on several occasions. But having a child is likely to be one of the most fulfilling things you will ever do. 

The people who love you will support you and I can honestly say that this is all that matters. It may be harder for you than it was for us because I had someone to share the burdens with. But I think if you are sure in your mind that this is the right decision for you and you are proud of what you have done then any adversity you face will pale in comparison. My daughter is only 5 and I am sure she will face more challenging times in terms of our situation. But she is the most loving little girl and does not care that she has two mums - to her this is normal. We spend a lot of time telling her that families come in different shapes and sizes and that what really matters is the love people feel for each other. We also talk a lot about how we used the best possible ingredients to make her, and share what we know about her father. so she will grow up knowing that she came from love. 

If you think you are able to share your thoughts like this with a child to give them confidence in their history and circumstances you are ready to create a family. But this will mean ignoring or standing up to people who don't approve. In all honesty, it's a small price to pay.


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## Me Myself and I

Hi
I'm a solo mummy to my now toddler-where the time has gone I will never know!
I was honest with close family members and they understood my PoV though obviously did have some reservations as I think any parent would have!
It was the absolute best decision of my life!
Re saving up for treatment, if you have no gynae issues have you investigated importing from cryos sperm bank in Denmark? I know lots of single women whom have home inseminated with success this way. Is it a possibility? I don't know the ins and outs re NZ though....
As for people, I've decided for now I'm not telling outside of immediate family. It's lo's story not the village gossip. What happens when older I will deal with then. But my lo can't trace the donor. So imo there's nothing to gain atm by telling.
A friend who was honest with all feels as though her lo was seen as the donor child. Rather than just her beautiful child and regrets her honesty. You have to do all you can to protect your lo imo.

Hth and good luck

Pa there's a cryos thread you can join and read back on.


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## little_finger

Thanks everyone for your reply's.  I think i am a little clearer now so i am grateful


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## Sigma

Hi Everyone, 

I am a newbie to the board (thanks for having me!  )and a 40 year old London based woman who froze her eggs at 35 and is now finally in the right place financially etc to be able to consider thawing those eggs and using donor sperm and like all of you lovely ladies - I will be doing it by myself!  I was just wondering if anyone had any advice re clinics they were aware of that had had results thawing frozen eggs that had led to a pregnancy?  I would also be considering using PGD, so would expect that I might have to go abroad.  

Would love some advice!

Sigma


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## Blondie71

Sigma there is a single lady on here going by username caroline (possibly some numbers on the end too??) but she def thawed her frozen eggs and used DS after thawing, she's in her mid forties, think she's currently heavily pregnant so you may find her if you look on the single's pregnancy/parenting board, I'm sure she'd be happy to advise you   best of luck


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## Emmasw

First post so please bear with me!

I have been considering fertility treatment for some time as I am single and don't want to wait any longer for a baby. I have spoken to the local clinic who will treat me privately but I need a GP referral first.
I have made an appointment with the docs but it's not for a few more weeks as they are always full and I'm getting impatient!
I am a teacher and so would like to begin iui during the summer hols but waiting to be referred is taking longer than I would like.
I wanted to ask those of you who have gone through the process how sympathetic and speedy your GP was in referring you and whether they did it there and then or you needed another appointment? Do they do tests or anything first? Or leave that to the clinic?
And then how quickly was your appointment with clinic after the go referral?
Thanks in advance!


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## Tincancat

Hi Emma 
Most private clinics don't require a referral unless you are wanting treatment paid by the NHS which is hard to come by!  I would say you will be pushed to start IUI by the summer holidays because of this need to have a referral by GP.  Then you have to wait for initial consultation and have bloods done  plus most likely ultrasound scan with a Hycosy or HSG to check your tubes are patent.  No point in having IUI if tubes blocked.  Then there's the issue of sperm availability -  does your clinic have any?  Mine had a waiting list for sperm of about a year so I had to arrange some to be imported from abroad.  It might be worth making enquires and checking out when you could get an initial consultation (mine was 2 months) plus tests and about availability of sperm.  Or in fact try find a clinic who doesn't need a GP referral so you can get started sooner.
I was referred by GP in October and didn't get first IUI until June just to give you an idea how long things can take via GP.  Wish I'd known some clinics don't need GP referral.
Good Luck 
TCCx


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## Me Myself and I

From my going to open day to first iui took three months. Delayed due to my cycle by one month then needing std results, fsh, amh, scans, hycosy
But someone else managed Ivf in same clinic in five weeks! 

Add on a referral and it's going to be tight. 

Do you get ppa at home? This would help in terms of getting to clinic fur treatment. I assume you're not telling work about ttc? I would ask clinic to write gynae investigations/procedures on a letter and choose a clinic that doesn't say wantababycometousclinic!

Hth


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## 32Flavours

Hi all,

I'm 30 years old and have known for many years that this is the route I want to take. I've initially applied to egg-share, but two clinics have turned me down and I've resigned myself to the fact that it's probably not the way forward for me.

I'm now focusing my efforts on IUI and hope to do so through CARE. I've had all the basic bloods run by my GP and she has also referred me for genetic testing in London (because I'm potentially a carrier of an ataxia from my father's side and would like to rule the risk in or out now that I've started poking about haha).

I'm going to be getting all my fertility tests done through CARE as my GP said she couldn't run them without reason (fair enough) - just wondered if I will require the full works, or if there are instances where they will do fewer initially? 

Also if anyone could advise on the sort of time frame I could be looking at - to getting my fertility tests completed and arranging a consultation that would be great. I'd like my first IUI around September time if possible.


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## vixyb

Hi all,
Be kind, my 1st post on here! So I'm 32 and single, been considering for a while going it alone and just trying to find out more.
Worried about how I might cope on my own, not got a lot of family support so looking for other options. How have others found it going alone? Have friends been supportive?
Any info anyone can share much appreciated 
Vicky


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## 32Flavours

Hi Vicky 

I can't offer a lot of advice as I'm fairly new to it all myself. I don't have tons of family support either, and my main support will be my parents. I have a few friends who know of my plans and they are all really supportive, but they're my oldest friends and know me incredibly well. I'm nervous about telling some of my newer friends and work colleagues - but trying not to let that influence my decision. I like to think that if all goes well and I get pregnant/have a baby then I will naturally develop a new network of friends too. I also know from my work that there are support agencies in the community that can be involved if that was the way you wanted/needed to go.

Feel free to PM if you fancy chatting some things through - as we are a similar age / stage I bet we have a lot of the same worries and thoughts!


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## engineer1985

Hi vixyB and 32Flavours,

I am 28 and am about to have my first IUI at the end of July. I haven't told many people about my plans but have had a variety of reactions from my friends. Some friends who I have known for a very long time don't agree with my approach and rather have me not discuss details with them (we are still friends - talking baby is just a big no-no), while others have been absolutely amazing in supporting me (my flatmate totally surprised me by loving the idea and offering to be my birth partner, babysitter, etc.).

I haven't told my parents yet. Initially I thought not telling them would be a deal breaker for me - but after raising the topic of having a baby using a sperm donor with them as a generic conversation and being told by my dad that it is egoistic (he thinks parents getting divorced is egoistic as well!), I decided that they'll just find out whenever I get pregnant. After all, they love babies, and I can't see them not loving their grandkid. They'll just have to get thrown into it without getting to do too much thinking. 

One thing that really helped me in my decision making process are the Single Women picnics the LWC organises. I love meeting others who are going through a similar process. Hearing everyones stories is what really got me to be confident and excited about my decision. There is another one coming up at the beginning of July if you are interested in joining. Just check their website and get in touch with the Patient Coordinator to find out details.

Good luck!


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## BloomingMum

Hi ladies,
I have just joined this site.
I am a single mum, used sperm donor, IUI and lucky number 7 have a beautiful 22month old son.
Happy to chat about my experiences.


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