# Desparate for a living baby



## lisasStars (Oct 26, 2009)

I never thought I would write a post like this, I never thought this is how my life would be.

We never had problems conceiving, it is me, I have the problem    Due to me, we have had a stillborn daughter Olivia, lost another daughter Phoebe Mae at seven days old, and have recently lost our son Joseph  

I am so so desparate to have a living baby in my arms after three years of endless tears. My life has been torn apart visiting my childrens graves and now I need hope.

I want to go ahead with surrogacy. I would do anything to make all of our lives happy.  

We went to an open evening at our hospitals fertility unit a few nights ago to find out more.  We have been told informally by the consultant that we should be able to use my egg and my husbands sperm and just have a host. I have seen my GP who is looking into a referal to see if because of our sad circumstances we would be able to have the surrogates ivf on the NHS. I need to see another team. My GP has written to them outlining how another pregnancy would no doubt end in a forth baby living and dying, and possibly me dying this time too as I have suffered very badly physically.

I have had an offer from a friend who has said she would consider being our surrogate ... she is 39 though.

I guess I need advice, hope. Can this really happen or is it a pipe dream?

Love Lisa


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## luski (Jan 4, 2004)

I couldn't just read & run. It must b so heart breakin 2 b so close yet so far. I 2 have lost many through m/c

            But have had 1 little girl very prem 2 prem 2 live.  

          We have decided 2 go down the surrogacy route after a very long journey & have 2 say i couldn't b happier

            I'm not sure bout gettin help on the nhs but this is def not a pipe dream. Her age shouldn't b a porblem especially 

            with it bein host surrogacy. Suppose the best advice i can give is research research & research some more. I've bin

            lookin at surrogacy 4 bout 5yrs on & off. There is lots of support on here which as bin a life saver 2 me & also full of 

            info. Would recommend also lookin at cots, surrogacy uk & a little wish websites. They have message boards & r a great 

            source of info. Natalie Gamble (lawyer) has also bin a great help & no's all the leagal side of things. We have 
            
            gambleandghevaert as r solicitors dealing with r surrogacy as they specialize in this area. I can pm u all the links if u want.

            Hope this is helpful. Sending HUGE hugs & plz hun never give up hope. If ever u want 2 chat u can pm me 


  Tammy xxx


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## lisasStars (Oct 26, 2009)

Thanks for your response Tammy, I am sorry for your sad loss too. Cruel.


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Lisa

Your post is so heartbreaking that I could not read and run.  You have been through so very much.    

But surrogacy is a definite and very real possibility for you.  You have a wonderful friend who has offered to help.  3-9 should not be an issue as it is host surrogacy.

I can only echo the fact that Natalie Gamble has helped us with the legal side of things and is a star.

We had 7 failed IVFs and had stopped when my sister heard what we had been through and offered to help within 24 hours.  There are some amazing people out there who can help you achieve your dream.  We really throught that we had been left on the sidelines and yet we went through an amazing journey with my dear sister and her husband which has only served to pull us all even closer together as a family. 

It will never take away the pain of the little ones lost but it really could help you get a happy ending to your incredibly hard journey.

If I can help at all then please just ask away.
All luck in the world.
Carolyn xxx


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## lisasStars (Oct 26, 2009)

Thank you for the responses, the extra information and the hope.

I am so so scared of not having a willing surrogate, I am scared this friend is pulling out as it is such a big ask. I wish I had an able / willing family member.

I will start looking through these links thank you so much.

We just spent a few hours ordering a new headstone for the childrens now shared grave and I am determined that I will not lay another baby to rest, it is my turn to have a healthy baby who will stay in my life and make our family complete.


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi Lisa
Reading your story is so sad, no one should have to go through that.

We final got our dream in March after 12 IVF treatments, 2 m/c's of twins, an ectopic pg.

I am praying your dream comes reality soon, and your dear friend carries your baby for you.

Surrogacy is an amazing journey, I loved everything about it  

Take care and let us know how things go 

love Jo
x x x


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## missmarple (Jul 23, 2009)

Dear Lisa

I know I am a complete stranger but I wanted to send you my sympathy and kind thoughts and hope that one day your dream will come true. You have come to a good place for support. Feel free to ask any questions. 

We are lucky enough to have a ds but are hoping for a sibling via host surrogacy.  I lost a baby at 13 weeks and that was heartbreaking enough, I cannot imagine the pain you feel.  xx


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Lisa,
This can happen for you and doesn't just have to be a pipe dream.
I am so sorry for your loses and can understand totally how you feel.
We turned to surrogacy after losing two babies, one a miscarriage at 8 weeks the other our precious son Eddie who was stillborn at 24 weeks. 
After losing Ed we decided we'd had enough and looked into surrogacy.
I have a heart condition and  my consultant advised that another pregnancy would probably end the same way.
We decided to do straight surrogacy again on the advice of my consultant who didn't want me to undergo egg collection and joined COTS and Surrogacy UK.
It took us over two years to meet our surrogate through Surrogacy UK, longer than most other members, but then our daughter was born 14 months later.
She just turned three last week and is the love of our lives. 
We will never forget our son, but having our little girl had brought the sunshine back into our lives.
If your friend is not able to be your surrogate then perhaps you might consider joining  a group where you can get lots of support and advice as well as meet surrogates and other IPs in a similar situation.
Good luck
EJJB
x


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## lisasStars (Oct 26, 2009)

paying to bury so many babies, makes up very financially in debt. the headstone that cost us thousands for phoebe was thrown after just 6 months use when Joseph also died. a new one for their joint grave has now been ordered leaving us about 10,000 in debt. I hate my life. I struggle to believe i will ever smile again, crying on my own tonight thinking of my buried babies. 
I dont think the offer will go through, it is too much to ask of a friend, someone i care about and dont want to see hurt. I feel very very alone tonight. Very tearful as my sons expected due date is on monday and i will be alone, crying and scared for the future. 

surrogacy is such a brave move I think i have been left too weak with my three dying that i cant bare the risk of failure  

thanks for responses
Lisa


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Lisa so sorry to hear of your losses, really hope that you find a surogate and happiness.
L x


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Lisa my heart goes out to you.
You are in the early stages of grief for your children and only time will heal that.
Please give yourself a break and do not rush into anything.
Surrogacy is a huge commitment financially and emotionally and you need to be strong enough to cope with it's ups and downs.
We waited two years after our son died before we joined SUK. We needed that time to come to terms with his loss and for me to get my head round the fact I would not be able to carry my own child.
We needed to be a couple again as well, trying to have a baby had taken over our lives.
When we did join SUK we were pretty desperate and I feel that desperation probably put some potential surrogates off.
Please take it slowly and look after yourselves first.
I was 32 when my son was born and 38 when our little girl finally arrived. 
Believe me there is no hurry and all the years of waiting and hoping don't matter when you finally hold your child in your arms.
Thinking of you.
EJJB
x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Lisa,

I followed your story on the BC... I dont know much about surrogacy but just wanted to say hi and give you a hug    

You are truely the bravest women i know and i really hope you find a special lady to help you have your baby.

Em x


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## mrsotter (Oct 6, 2009)

Hello there --

I just wanted to say that you are so very brave and I send you lots of hugs and wishes for a baby. I can understand a bit of what you are going through -- I lost my son William last spring, he died at 4 weeks old after experiencing bleeding on his brain in week 36 -- after a seemingly normal pregnancy. I feel overwhelmed by grief at losing him, so I cannot imagine how it is to bury three babies. 

Be gentle with yourself, and know that there are many, many kind people on this website thinking of you and wishing you well in your journey. I cannot say anything about surrogacy -- but just wanted to send a note since your post really touched me. 

regards, 
Sara


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