# Trying to avoid pregnant people



## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Is it just me or do other people (sometimes) actively try to avoid people who are pregnant?

It's so maddening to be so insular about things, but I just can't help it sometimes

At times I rude at being so selfish and yet at others I know I simply can't face a world that appears to be full of people who get pregnant as easily as sneezing (I'm sure it's hormones-as ever)

Dh is going to meet some old friends tomorrow, two of which are good friends and really nice people but I simply can't face the prospect that A) they are bringing their toddler and B) she is heavily pregnant with their second.

I feel like a child myself when I feel like pouting, pounding my fists on the floor and saying how unfair it is that if we'd been successful when we'd first tried we'd at least have a three-year-old and maybe more on the way ourselves.

Already I'm dreading this coming Christmas as I'll have to  prepare my fake 'glad you have children' smile to my brother and sister-in-law.

Sorry to moan and be so self-centred (I'm on nights which makes me ultra-grumpy!). 

I'm not really insane and on the odd occasion I do like being round women of child bearing capabilities!!

Probably doesn't help that 35 women where I work are either on maternity leave or expecting.

Sarah xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

HI Pink Panther
Welcome to the thread..
I read your posting with interest and i can relate to what you are saying...
May i ask a question? is your Dh going tomorrow to see these old friends on his own? was that a decision from you not to go? If so i think that is a positive, because if you cannot face it...then don't...Sometimes we have to look after ourselves and if its going to hurt, then it would probably be best to step back....I know its hard on you and Dh and the other people involved.....but hey if they can begin to understand your situation, then they will understand why you are not there and apprieciate your pain...
I am also in an environment surrounded by women and alot of them are pregnant....well if someone caught me on camera the other day as i was walking out of work, i would have looked suspicious.....I was trying to avoid a girl i know, who has recently got pregnant...well i was darting in and out of corners. I can laugh about it now ...The reason for this is because i didn't want to face it at that moment, so i was going to avoid it. Its my life and i now try and take some sort of control and for that day i wasn't going to subject myself to it....As you say Pink Panther, there are days when you can!!!
Well you have done your best and to recognise there are good and bad days, thats the beginning of getting abit stronger. Do not feel guilty about it, you have enough to contend with...We all avoid people for different things in life...something as simple as having a spot, or bad hair do...
I just want to let you know that you are not alone!!!
lots of love astridxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Astrid,
Thank you!!
sorry about my rant last night, I was tired and feeling pretty sick of sitting around and listening to other people discussing their pregnancies and children-I am normal-honestly!! 

It's funny how things creep up on you though, isn't it?

I haven't felt that wretched for a long time
I've been feeling fine and "things" haven't been bothering me for the past few weeks and then suddenly last night, bang, I felt like pants.

People who concieve easily are lucky that they will never know the strain that this whole situation puts upon you (and your relationships with all around you) both mentally and physically, and how it affects so many aspects of your life.

We've decided to try ICSI again in the summer but I know that if we're not successful I can't go through it again. Unfortunatley Dh simply won't discuss this further and if I try to apporach the subject it dissovles into WW3 pretty quickly!

I'd found that the best therapy is to keep yourself busy (although everyone does need time to themselves of coarse)
I'm in the middle of doing my degree at the moment and have many other irons in the fire!
Where are you based?
Love Sarah xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Sarah
So glad that you have come to a decision going for another treatment..
Yep Sarah, you are right things do creep up on us all the time.....its when you least expect it,...
I couldn't agree with you more about keeping busy, i have always got my finger in lots of pies...i suppose since we finished treatment and called it a day. I haven't felt lost about what to do with my time, because i had a lot of things already in place...thank goodness!!
I don't think that we really understand the depths of IF, until we are faced with it...i have come to accept there are good and bad days!!! that makes life alot easier...
Are you training to be a nurse? i am a nurse at the hospital and on a couple of courses at the moment?
Love astridx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Astrid,
yes, I am a nurse. I'm in the middle of doing my degree at the moment, which is great aversion therapy. My tutors and colleagues comment on how hard I've been working but really it's actually nice to get stuck into something and take my mind off things.
What area do you work in? What are you studying?

Sarah xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Sarah
Well done for studying...it really does take your mind off things....
I felt once i got my nursing qualification, that was something nobody could take away from me...
After all these crap years, i felt i got something good in the end...so well done with your perseverence...
What year are you in? its good that you are doing a degree, that was a wise move...
I went back into nursing four years ago, after being out of the profession for a 12 yrs...i was an enrolled nurse and i went 2yrs ago i did more conversion course...
At present i am on the Mentorship course and its flipping hard work....
Love astridxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hmmmm,

Well done you girls on your nursing careers!  i think this is a very rewarding career choice- where no 2 days are the same and you can't POSSIBLY be bored!

Any ideas on what I could do in the NHS, starting at the bottom- and working my way up

I am currenly studying Counselling part-time and I have a degree and a post-grad diploma but it's in BANKING!!! Ha-Ha!  I'm such a ****!

How can I join the NHS and work my way up with these skills/experience?  I had an interview the other day for an Occupational therapy Assistant but basically, you can't "go anywhere".  You'd start at the bottom, and literally stay there.

PS>  I am a real "people person" - love being with people from all walks of life  -  find it interesting and rewarding!

Any ideas ??

Thanks for the career advice my friends!  Love G xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi gill
Firstly you brainy hen, you kept the degree quiet....
Goodluck with the job interview...Hopefully if you get the job, it may open a few doors for you, once you are in the NHS...
Have you thought about nursing?
love astridxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

HIYA DOLL!!!!

I'M P****D RIGHT NOW!! HEE-HEE   

ON MY 3RD BIG GLASS OF VINO!!!

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT NURSING BUT I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT VOMITING - I'VE ONLY VOMITED ONCE IN 10 YEARS!!!HA-1HA!!!

i DONT THINK I'D DO VOMIT AND s**T TOO WELL!!!

i OWOULD LIKE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE THOGHT AS I LUV THEM ALL AND I REALLY DO CARE ABOUT PEOPLE.

OOPS. SORRY - BUT I REALLY NEEDED A BIG SWALLIE THE NITE!!!!

LOVE YOU ALL LOADS
GILL XO  ............................ BURP!!!!!


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Gill
I would love to see your face in the morning when you read this posting...    
I think the wine got the better of you, when you read your last few sentences on your post...!!!!
Ha Ha...i am peeing myself...!!!!
love astridx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hiya Gill

About the vomiting... I have a pal who is a nurse who doesn't do vomiting... likewise I used to work with the elderly and kids many moons ago and I don't do snot or phlegm... although I'm not a nurse I hasten to add! All of my colleagues used to pee themselves with LOL at me legging it from the room when faced with snot or snotty substances - urgh!  

Am also having a wee giggle at your message, I hope you had a great night and your head didn't suffer too much the next day!

Love to you
Emcee xxx


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Sorry to butt in here but I just read these posts and had a good giggle at Gill    where have you gone Gill??  
I am doing a degree at the moment too but mine is in Law as I don't "do" any substances that come out of any orafice!!  
mind you lawyers do talk a load of **** most of the time  
but at least they get paid very well for doing it  

anyway just to comment on the original topic .... I also avoid pg people it is a hobby of mine .... however that has become very difficult seeing as my sd complete with 8 month bump live in my house    ..... I must admit having her here has taught me that I was right to avoid pregnant people ... its driving me nuts  

Love Dydie xxx


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Dydie

That must be really hard. I have to confront four pregnant woman at work each day, one of whom is my manager.      I feel really sorry for you having to face your SD all the time.

Love
Katherine


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Dydie,

I hope you dont mind me saying this but I don't think you give yourself enough credit.  You MUST be a tough cookie to be able to cope with everything you have on your plate at the moment.  I can't imagine how painful if would be having a pregnant lady living with you 24/7.  Are you able to "detatch" yourself from it? 

I think you are much stronger than you think.  Its great  you're doing your law degree too.  1. its a distraction and 2. its a new focus for the future so that can only be good.

Hang on in there girl, we're all here for you .....
Love Gill xo


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi girls, just to let you know i was training to be a nurse for a year b4 i became a teacher. Did a few placements - maternity!!! Thank god it was years ago, mental health (is that still the right term) and health visiting. did enjoy it but had been studying languages for so long i missed them and finally went into secondary teaching!! For my sins!!


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi girls 
ive been reading bak on the post wot laugh u girls have and this is wot we all need 
1st'ly about the original post i too  carnt deal with preg people close friends ,relatives and strangers ,
i judge people the way they bring theeir own kids up and i know i shouldnt but i carnt help myself

career choice ,
i am a senior support worker ,i support disabled adults who have learning disabilities and mental health issues 
i find the job so rewarding ,
if it wasnt for work i think i would ov gone( mental ) myself my now i would get hung if i spoke like this in work 
i have done support and care work for 7yrs  now and b4 that helped look after my nanna b4 she went in to a home (god rest her soul as she past away 10yrs ago now )
i swore after looking after nanna that i would never do that kind ov work but i ended up doing wot i know and even now i still carnt handle  sick and  or blood i go to pieces but u just have to deal with it coz u have no choice 
thay say u get used to it and to a degee u do but if someone has an upset stomach then who in the right mine can deal with it ,
i love my job  but i still ask myself at times" why am i doing this job"but i talk about a career change and end up realising the posatives about the job


nice talking to u all


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

Hi girls-hope you don't mind me posting on thread although we are actively ttc but i do avoid pregnant people. i went tescos shopping the other day and saw 4 pg people and that was in the non food section! I went on to see another 2(i think they waited for me to go shopping!) I just take it so personally and feel like they are doing it on purpose(anyone else feel like this or am i going  ) I feel really bad as my cousin went to labour on wednesday at 24weeks so she has to stay in hospital and i should go and see her but i just can't face it(am i an awful person?) I also have agirl i work with who 22 and got a horrible bf who are trying for there 2nd baby-they started ttc the 1st one at the same time as we started and now are on no2! And last i have to see babies everyday(I'm a nursery nurse) and some of the parents just don't care about there kids-its heart breaking. Sorry to go on and on. I fell like I'm me,me,me but i do fell better now so thanks for listening(like you had a choice!) Take care, Love Mel***


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Mel
Welcome onto the thead, we are glad that you have posted...this posting touches all our hearts...
Hey Mel do not be so hard on yourself...if you cannot face a situation that you cannot do it..Why force yourself into something you cannot face, it will only make you feel worse...
Have you thought about writing a letter/card to your cousin and wishing her well. Maybe could your partner visit on your behalf or a family member...Can you ring her instead whilst she is in hospital? when she comes home, then maybe approach her and explain to her that you were unable to visit (is she aware of your situation?). I am sure she will understand...If you were abroad or on holiday, you would not beable to visit. So why put pressure on yourself, this will only make you feel worse and then the guilt starts to set in.....
As far as others getting pregnant,its like a slap in the face especially if they are on baby no 2. Well its likes a stab in the heart, it just makes you feel like crap...so Mel you are not alone and we can all relate to these situations..
Lastly what a beautiful face that you have!!
love astridxx


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

Astrid-thankyou so much for the last comment  .You brighten my day. And yes my cousin does know about our situation and i asked my mum to send our love and also sent her a txt message. She had some bad news today-the baby is ok(her waters broke last week) But she is only 23weeks(not 24weeks as previously thought) which means if she goes into labour now then they won't put the baby in SCU as the say its not viable.  Hopefully everything will be ok and from what mum says its scared her as although they were trying for a year she never wanted children it was her dh. Anyway hope you all had a nice easter.No work tomorrow for me! Take care,Mel***


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Girls,
Mel, I know just what you mean! I'm sure pg people have some kind of beacon to let them know that we're out in the shops so they can come and constantly be in our faces! 
But you never know, maybe when they get home and their 20 kids who all have different fathers (tee, hee) have all gone to bed, they reflect on bumping into those footloose and fancy-free gorgeous girls (yes, that's us!) and wish that they were us-(you must humour me and nod heartily at this point, as this sort of thought is all that keeps me going some days!!)
Seriously tho'. It does often feel like a conspiracy and I must look like I'm sucking lemons sometimes when I can't face 'giggling' when I constantly have children running in my way in shops.
Sorry I haven't been on the thread much recently-thankfully only two weeks left of writing essays for my course-thank God!! Yup, Can't have children, but if you need CPR or to be put on a ventilator I'm your woman!!
Seriously tho, doing a degree is good aversion therapy but I must say that I'd burn my books and jack-in my job in the blink-of-an-eye if it meant having children.

Would be lovely to meet any of you guys sometime-perhaps we could arrange some kind of summer meet in a place convenient to get to by all??

Love Sarah xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Sarah
Your post tickled me in places. Its true, sometimes it best to look for the negative things about having children. It sort of keeps our sanity going as i sure its not all a bed of roses.
Working in a hospital also opens you up to all situations and the true realities of life. There are alot of people out there that do not really care and have lots of children. Without a care in the world, the unfairness of it all..
I know what you mean about the studying, it is a good diversion. But as you say given the opportunity of a family, you would pack it all in....although it will be an achievement at the end of it all, its not a replacement, by any means. It will give you something to take your mind off things.
I love the idea of meeting up in the summer!!! i wonder if anyone would be interested...
CPR Queen - go for it gal!!!!
love astridxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Eh/ Meeting up in the Summer?  Missed that one!!

Where and when?

I'll be there!  Would LOVE to meet you all!!

Right ........... lets get the booze in!!!!

hee-hee
Gill xo


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

I take it you won't be driving then Gill!!!  (hee, hee)


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

oooowwhhhh large glasses of chilled wine, sitting out in a lovely pub garden with a river at the end of it, just relaxing under the sun.... bliss

Bring on the summer!


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hey Girls

I think it would be great to meet up.? very difficult though as we all live over the UK? what do you think though?

Anyway the subject of trying to avoid pregnant people...

A few weeks ago a friend of mine is successful with her first ivf. Then announces she is having twins..
Yesterday my close friend announces she is pregnant (but she isn't ecstatic about it).
I go to the hairdressers today, thinking i need to have a bit of pamper and fuss. The hairdressers announces she is pregnant. I know about her scan and the names of the babies...

I am sorry, but is this a way of testing someones patience? ...i have to laugh now, or i will cry!!!
astridx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hey Debs
I feel better already...a nice glass of red wine or two!!!

astridx


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

Astrid
Do you ever get the feeling someone  "up there" is having a good old laugh at your expense? 

Still at least in 8 months time you will still be having a good 8 hours sleep each night!


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