# So Desperate



## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

I know this is probably a very similar post to many before it and your messages make me feel slightly less alone in my grief.  Noone really understands unless they've been there too.    But has anyone ever felt so desperate about things that they felt like there was no point in going on?

I can't bear the pain.  I built my whole life up moving towards the day I would have my family.  I have the nice house, financial security a stable relationship.  But now what?  Nothing.  A vast emptiness of crumbling lonely old age.  With noone to nurture or watch grow or to share all we have achieved and learnt with.

Sometimes I think that I simply can't bear it.


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Dear Griselda

I didn't want to read and go, I'm so sorry you feel so low at the moment and I can relate to that vast emptiness, visions of a lonely old age and what can feel like totally overwhelming grief that nobody else on the face of the planet seems to notice.

I  don't really know what to say except keep posting, the ladies here really do understand how you feel and can offer support and comfort.  I only wish there was a magic wand to take away the pain but I know from my own experience there isn't - but in time, the pain can ease.

Don't give up.

flipper


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## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

Thx Flipper.  I was having a moment.  Think I'm feeling a bit better now.    But I'm sure there'll be more.


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Griselda,

I can't bear it either. Totally understand how you are feeling. Sometimes we can only grit our teeth and try and survive the day.

Hope you are still feeling a little better!


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## Felicity Wishes (Feb 18, 2008)

Couldn't just read and run  

Know how you are feeling some days I just want to disappear from my life all together, like there is no point at all, as if I am totally worthless and useless, but we have to go on for those around us and hopefully there will be better times ahead.

Hope you are still feeling a little better, keep posting, this site really is a life saver and the ladies on here offer so much support

Lots of Love 

Felicity Wishes xxx


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## meerkatz (May 17, 2007)

Dear Griselda

I know how you are feeling , ive described it to my counsellor like being trapped in a fish bowl, watching the rest of the world getting on with their lives, having a family, being unable to do anything about it, unable to move on.  Having a family is so primative, its horrendous to have our dreams shattered, no wonder we feel so lost and empty.  I often wonder what's the point in having a mortgage/posessions when dh and I have no-one to pass them onto  

Just want to echo the other ladies comments that we are all here for each other on this board, I dont post often as still very raw and not able to offer much support at the moment, but through time hoping that I will become stronger and be able to offer some words of wisdom  

Love
Meerkatz


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

I feel exactly the same.
Totally pointless. What IS the point?

Sometimes I cannot be bothered to get up in the morning. What is the point of dragging myself into a stressful job to work to earn a good wage to buy a house to give it all to the cats home. What was the point my my parents working so hard and bringing me up for everything they ever built to go nowhere.

Hubby and I are deciding whether to go our separate ways. He is piling on the guilt saying that I do not want to grow old with him. Well yes I did, but I wanted to do that with children and watch them grow.

I cannot handle the prospect of having no family to live with to look after and for them to look after me as I get older. If I leave him and have a baby by donor on my own, I get part of it, but not the whole package. If I do not leave him and have no baby then it will just be me and him in the future. Can I stand that without my baby that I have spent the whole of my life working towards?

You are not alone. Believe me.


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Griselda,
I do know how you feel - I have been there myself. It is a dark place to be and you can feel like no one understands or even cares. The world seems to be going happily along, people having fabulous lives, popping out babies all over the place, while you are just stuck and empty. Like Flopsy says, sometimes it is an achievement surviving the day. And that is so true - please acknowledge that you are doing really well to survive all of this. Only women here like us can have an inkling of what you have faced. And remember we are always here for you, no matter how dark your days. {{{hugs}}}
Bernie xxx


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hiya,
We are all here for you and you arent being repetitive.  Anybody in our situation will know and appreciate the emotional upheaval of changing their life's priorities.  As soon as you are ready to explore new paths, I'm sure that you will begin to feel more at peace.  There will always be those painful moments, but when you know that your life really does have other purposes it makes the fight easier.  I, personally focussed on my dream to act and it has been a real rock.  Have you maybe considered discovering a new hobby or interest..theres a huge world out there.  Maybe even keep a notebook of ambitions and date them as you fulfill them.  It helped me to focus.  Just a thought.

Keep strong
 
Natalie


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I've had way too many moments of that very same bleakness overwhelm me at times.

Sometimes its been incredibly difficult just getting by in a world that appears to be geared to all things family. The simplest things, like going shopping can turn into a monumental thing where we are reminded of what we don't have. Its so tough and the most challenging thing I think many of us here have had to face in our 'ordinary' extraordinary day to day lives.

Its been a few years for me down the line, and I am now in a much calmer place (with the odd 'go do one' comment followed by the 2 finger salute to those who try to force their opinons on What I Should Do or When Will I Get Round To Having a Family)!

However, those bite on the bum moments really do sting sometimes - and its good to share them amongst like minded people who know where you're coming from!

Love
Emcee x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Griselda,

Yes, I sometimes felt there was no point in going on - that seems to be the key question in your post. But eventually I managed to find good things in life and I hope you will too.

How to get from total dispair to feeling that life is OK? There are no easy answers to that.

You need to give yourself time to grieve before you are ready to even begin to contemplate what else life may offer you. And even when you can see what else life could bring, you may well feel angry that it is not the life you expected.

But nonetheless as a survivor of infetrility, something most people do not even begin to understsnd, you can find that you have a lot of strength to take you forward.

Maybe the lovely people on this board can support you.

LoL

Jq xxx


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## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

Thank you so much ladies.  FF is a real life saver.   It just helps knowing that you're not alone and that there are actually people who understand.  Thank you thank you thank you.

 

Natalie - I do like your ideas.  I have thought of converting my degree to child development and working with children somehow.  Life in the ratrace feels so empty.

Hazel - I'm so glad you've taken the time to think through your priorities.   In the end with my hubbie, I told him that a child was my priority and who I was or wasn't with was secondary to that.  I told him I was going to pursue every avenue open to me with regards to that and he could do what he liked.  Thankfully he decided to support me.  However, he still doesn't cope very well with the despair and the tears and I have to do that away from him in private and, of course, with my dear friends and FF ladies who do understand.   I know from your thread that a lot of your girlfriends have children.  If you can, try to seek out and make room for some new ones without too.  I have some fabulously world weary cynical chums who make me laugh a lot.  Whereas many of the 'babies at a drop of a hat' crew have fallen (temporarilly?) by the wayside in my life for now at least.  They just can't seem to help themselves but say incredibly insensitive things.  One of them said I should buy a child's microscope from a toy shop and analyse DH's sperms under it for myself.  I mean plllllleeeeease !!!!    And that would help how exactly?   

Flopsy - Thank you.  Just the words 'I can't bear it either' helped me sooo much.    You are not alone. 

Felicity - Thank you.  Your words 'some days I just want to disappear from my life all together, like there is no point at all' were a huge help too.  Sometimes I feel like I just want to run away too.  Y'know jump on a plane or off a cliff!! I dunno.  Or something!!!  But you are not useless or worthless.  You have been of use and worth to me already just with that little post!  You have a huge contribution to make to the world.  Guess we all just have to rethink exactly what that is as Natalie says.   

Meerkatz - Thank you.  Please don't think that you are not able to offer much support.  I feel the same too.  And just hearing that someone feels the same and understands is a help in itself.  I find myself posting here and thinking "ahh here I go again banging on about me and my problems when this poor lady needs support" and I think I'm not helping much.  But you are just by sharing.  Thank you.    

Bernie - Thank you.  

Emcee - Thank you.  

jq - Thank you.  You are so right that most people do not even begin to understand.  Thank you.    But we do eh?  


And, finally, Flipper, thank you so much.  It is very kind of you to stay around and support us just beginning the grief when you have done so well to move on.  Thank you.


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