# Shame and vulnerability



## tribble (May 11, 2010)

Some of you might like this. She talks about the experience of shame, and there is another talk about vulnerability. So much of this is relevant to my experience of infertility, I continue to feel ashamed and I was so private about the whole thing and struggled to tell even my close friends and family about it and about how I was feeling. Now I can see her point about being with those feelings and accepting yourself as you are, is a key thing for being human and living your life well. Very american but if you can get over that you might find something good in it. I can almost tell someone "yes I did try to have children but the tx didn't work out. Yes, that's what happened to me". Almost, sometimes, but not quite - but I will get there.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

much love to all  xxx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Tribble,
Interesting, thank you. 
I was reading something about 'toxic' shame on another website the other day. The site's called Gateway Women and it's written by a counsellor and journalist (I think) who's in the same position as the rest of us. At 47, she's decided to call it a day but she has some interesting posts about trying to come to terms with childlessness. 
The point is, of course, is that our inability to have children in the way everybody else does isn't our fault. I have other health issues and I might as well blame myself for them as for the fact that my reproductive system doesn't work properly. The problem is that we all tend to do this, assuming it makes us less of a woman. It doesn't. Also, as we all know, some people can have babies so easily but can't look after them when they get here. 
We're now looking at surrogacy, though I still can't get over the feeling of wierdness. I'm also beginning to wonder after all this time how I'd cope if we had a little one, by any means. I am so used to trying and failing, trying and failing and constantly looking at available options. I think we do all tend to label ourselves.
Hope you're having a good day.

Rowanxxx


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