# Waiting game



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Anyone else at the stage of been approved but waiting for matches ? I am a very impatient person so this waiting game is really getting to me so much so the nursery is set up I've reorganised all the books and DVDs and now I'm trying to sort out a load of photos into albums! 
Arggggghh any tips whilst at this stage ? Have now got a while week off work as I work at a school so need to keep busy


----------



## babybiggles73 (Feb 15, 2010)

We are the same... trying to keep busy while waiting for the cpr's to be sent through. We have shown an interest in 2 profles (on tuesday) and our family finder keeps chasing for the cpr and keeps emails to say still waiting. I hate all the uncertainty.  I even resorted to decorating the hallway just to keep busy.  lets hope we all get matched soon and the wait won't seem so bad. Good luck x x x


----------



## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Yep we're waiting too!  Been approved since September and the way our la works means we don't get any profiles until our sw is sure she's found our match so we've seen nothing in 5 months.  Nursery is pretty much done but we have a few other bits still to do around the house - trying not to leave ourselves with nothing to do in case we've still got a while to wait!  I've been keeping sane(ish!!) by buying bits like slightly older aged clothes, toys, wet wipes etc all in the sales or on offer.  I've got no tips other than to try and keep busy.......and the odd glass or three of wine helps!! Hope we all get matched soon


----------



## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

I'm the same!!!  

We have only been approved just over a month - the first week I was dreadful & kept checking my phone, then I relaxed & was Ok for acouple of weeks & then the past week or so I've been going mad! We have every faith in our SW & she is very keen to match us with a 'teeny weeny LO' which is very encouraging & think she is working in the background on acouple of LO, but we don't have any details.

Had a lovely day time yesterday afternoon whilst hubby was at the rugby as I went to john Lewis, Mamas & Papas, Debenhams, Mothercare & Babies R us! Hubby & I went to John a Lewis a week ago & both loved the Silvercross Wayfarer pushchair ( & like to look of the new silvercross pioneer due out in April) but I was also quite impressed with the M&P Silo MTX yesterday. Anyone been looking at pushchairs yet or even actually purchased their yet? 

Tigerbabe & Sq9 - any recommendation of nursery furniture? We are after white & will buy the cotbed, drawers & wardrobe, but have yet to see a set that I really really like. 

We haven't actually purchased anything yet - doing lots of window shopping & browsing on the iPad & must start to get a list together at some point!


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Glad not alone ladies and yes the wine is out on occasion to help the silent periods!!  
Have the whole nursery set up we really researched around and managed to get a secondhand good as new cotbed which is a Henley cream and wood from babies r us range, changing unit we got in ikea just a basic one no frills and I couldn't resist buying a secondhand rocking chair always wanted one to sit and read to a child in  I'm also quite arty so I painted animals, letters and numbers on nursery walls. 
We got a travel system pushchair that is great from newborn to 3/4 years we got in Xmas sale at toys r us


----------



## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

We've bought the east coast nursery Angelina White cotbed in the sale - we've already got a white wardrobe and shelf unit, and the britax b-smart 3 pushchair, again in the sale, which should last until about 3 years old.  I was adamant we weren't going to buy anything until we were matched, but they were too good to miss and it has actually helped with the waiting as it makes it feel real and that we will actually have a lo one day soon


----------



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi everyone,
Can I join in as hubby and I are waiting a match (approved beg dec). Have seen several profiles some extremely good but location was a prob 

Starting to get impatient & I know it's not been long and I've made a promise not to phone check too much lol (made easier by SW being away on leave this week!)
We've purchased several little bits (loads of books as I'm a bookworm!) but I think over next few weeks we might be ordering our furniture eek! (Dependent on my persuading ability!)


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Hi Trinajc
We sound so similar I am also impatient and have our sw on leave this week when all I want to do is email and message her for more matches we have had 3 supposedly matches wrong location wrong age and just wrong issues so she has yet to get our match right hopefully 4th time lucky!


----------



## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

This is by far the most frustrating and difficult time in the adoption journey. 

We waited 12 months from approval to our DD arriving home.  To say this was difficult is a massive understatement but by God she was worth the wait.

During that time we were as proactive as possible... attended every adoption fair and adoption activity day.  Subscibed to BMP and CWW... we tried our very best to take control.  

We also did our very best to tempt fate,  booked weekends away,  a holiday,  big family gathering etc.  All in the hope that a match would come along and stop our plan.

We were for several months linked to a child but sadly that fell through and we were devestated.  I actually begged my DH to give this all up,  i couldnt take any more upset.  He felt there was a child out there who needed us to keep going.

As it turned out our SW had our LO in mind for several months and it took fate and stars and whatever to allign so we could be matched to her.  

Now we couldnt ever imagine being without our DD.  She was so meant to be our daughter.  She was born the week we decided to adopt.  She looks more like me than our BC does.  

Please keep going and be kind to yourself.  I promise you it is all so worth it.

Jules xx


----------



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

I echo Jules, we were 12 months from approval to little man being home. We were very proactive but links weren't to be.
I know its the least thing you want to do but try and do lots of pre-kids things to do. Spend time researching whats on in your area re classes/playgroups and keep the contact numbers. Things I had noted just weren't suitable in the beginning so look for a range of options i.e. when are the baby/toddler swim times.

This was one thing I really had spent more time on Another tip is to read up lots especially "A Childs journey through placement" This helps you understand where your child is in their attachment cycle for their age and how intros et will affect that and how you can promote it for your own bonding.
Good luck x


----------



## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

I cant give advise with regards to keeping sane as I am currently going a bit loopy with the waiting. We were approved in Sept and heard nothing since. Our La only contact you if they think you are a good match.


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Thanks for all the messages it i so hard to keep sane these days im running around like a headless chicken trying to keep busy. However Gertie and Jules i take onboard what you say and my DH and i are trying to have time to ourselves which is harder than we imagined as he works shifts  hopefully have some time off in the Easter and go somewhere to take our minds off the stress of waiting for a baby!
Oliver222 -  I am quite annoying to our SW and constantly contact her for any news although i'm trying to be good as its half term as she is on leave. Just wondered have you tried searching for a child yourself on BMP and CWW as after 3 months of approval you get put on the national adoption register and i know that we shall be straight on these sites looking as soon as March is here xxx


----------



## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

OMG Oliver - I'm not surprised you are going alittle   if your SW/LA only contact you with a good match - I would be the same!!   We have agreed monthly meetings with our SW to just 'touch base' which I'm really pleased with....only 8 more sleeps til our next SW meeting!! 

Tiger - I managed 5 hours in the garden yesterday without thinking about anything baby related - that is definitely a record for me!   I'm thinking hobbies may be the best day forward for getting through this wait! 

Gertie - thanks for the tip re 'a child's journey re placement - will have a read of that. I'm just reading Gina Fords contented little baby book which a friend learnt me - as I realised I'd read a lot about adoption, attachment etc but not on children! 

Trinajc - order the nursery furniture!   I found the nursery furniture I like online last night & hubby has just agreed we can order it as it's got 20% off at the moment! But then I have to giggle to myself, as it will be really weird with nursery furniture in a room & no actually LO and could be like that for several months!!


----------



## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

We have had a poor experience post approval. Approved in Sept and heard nothing. I contacted Sw in Dec and asked about going on register (we are Scotland) and they decided to come out and visit. Came out in Dec and said register wasn't good idea for us kids on register are all very hard to place and they don't normally recommend until waiting a year !!!!!!!!. But that would be new kids coming through start of year. I have heard nothing since. If I hadn't pushed last contact we would have heard nothing since panel. 
We went to info evening Jan 2011, so two years to get here and that's been due to delays and waits on sw side. We waited 8 months allocated a sw for hs.
I go away for weekend this week and going to contact sw next week as not happy that no communication at all.
My best friend at work is due to finish for maternity at start May and I will be devastated if I have heard nothing as all way through everyone has said it would be me off on adoption leave and then her on maternity. 
On a brighter note thinking about ordering my nursery furniture and cotbed (mum buying my cotbed).


----------



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Oliver,

That's nonsense re the Scottish register (poor SW Grrr). From my experience it's very very similar to your own local routes but maybe a month or two older as they look in house first. There's lots of small areas where they place out of area very very often. PM me if there's any local advice I can offer. Plus you can contact the Scottish register direct and they prompt your SW for you (sue and the team are very very helpful).

Another good book is "what every parent needs to know" by Margot Sutherland. Non adoption related but very good and not super nanny esq.
Good luck


----------



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

I know what you mean lizard, it will be strange having furniture but no one using it! Think Ill end up popping in and regularly remaking the bed lol 

I only have email contact with SW as she hadn't suggested any meetings (if our wait goes on for few more months I'll ask!). Well this weekend I've been baking and meeting up with friends, think I'm going to try and do things like this as much as possible with lo it'll be harder,I love baking & plan to do loads with lo so might use this time to experiment with healthy child friendly recipes


----------



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Oliver, it sounds like you've really had a rough time, I'll be keeping my fingers tightly crossed that you soon get some news xx


----------



## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Oliver,
I totally sympathise with you, we had a similar experience x
It took a 'slightly fed up' type email to get a visit, sw brought every profile in the consortium trying to prove there were no suitable Los... Guess what, dd was in there!!!
Hope it happens soon xx


----------



## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi, can I join you all?  

I was approved last week ( ) and so am pretty new to all the 'waiting'. To be honest,  I am still in the "OK, I have been approved ..... so, what happens now?" bubble  

I am sure I will not feel this way in a month or two, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to hear nothing for such a long while.

I am busying myself by sorting cupboards, draws and doing all those things you keep putting off, but now you have a reason to do


----------



## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

Trinajc said:


> I know what you mean lizard, it will be strange having furniture but no one using it! Think Ill end up popping in and regularly remaking the bed lol
> 
> I only have email contact with SW as she hadn't suggested any meetings (if our wait goes on for few more months I'll ask!). Well this weekend I've been baking and meeting up with friends, think I'm going to try and do things like this as much as possible with lo it'll be harder,I love baking & plan to do loads with lo so might use this time to experiment with healthy child friendly recipes


Trina if your who I think you are, I sent a private message  then I think you may need to push your social worker a bit. Most of the people from our prep group have been matched and linked and not even at panel yet, and some with very small very healthy babies. I'm really wortied your missing out when you should be first in line really.

Xxx


----------



## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

We too are not very patiently waiting! Been 3 months for us and only seen 1 profile so far    x

Got new SW who doesn't appear interested in us at all, had to eventually call her almost a month after panel to see if we could meet her and she turned up 45mins late, no apologies and only stayed for a short time during which there were lots of awkward silences, she picked us one match which was totally inappropriate a month ago and heard nothing else since! Bit frustrated to say the least! Xx

How is everyone else finding the waiting? Xx


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

I never knew how hard it is to wait but it is excruciating especially trying to find things to keep you occupied! For all who have just got approved I would say start researching how you want the child's nursery/ room go get ideas maybe paint go to lots of shops for ideas anything to keep you busy! We have been approved since December so relatively short time from some of you who have been waiting so long and my heart goes out to those that don't hve sw's who want to help more. For us we have been matched 3 times since approval however none of the children matched us and our sw admitted she hadn't read our PAR form very frustrating I had a good talk with her and she now understands what we are looking for and I have slightly more confidence in her than before. 
It's really difficult not to contact her all the time I'm quite a lets just do it person so have been emailing her quite a lot just to keep her mind on matching for us as she is also a little disorganised and scatty best way to describe which is opposite of me!
Anyway I hope we all get matched soon we all deserve to be treated quickly as we can and I know some just need a big kick up the bum!


----------



## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

I've found the last few weeks particularly hard - we spent christmas thinking we would get a link in jan as sw said she was hopeful one of the children due to have a final hearing in jan would be our lo, so finding that wasn't the case has been really hard.  I've been buying quite a few bits in the last few weeks as I've found that helps a bit but I do feel a bit of a fraud going into baby shops and buying things without a bump! We have total faith in our sw but she needs a bit if nudging from time to time - she clearly finds not having any news for us difficult ( not as difficult as being in our shoes  though ) but she always responds to emails although it would be nice if she emailed of her own bat every now and then just to see how we're doing.  I'm emailing her every 3 or 4 weeks if we don't hear from her and I know things are going on in the background, but I just need to know now!!  For us, we think we would have struggled getting lots of profiles as we would want to take them all so it suits us that we don't get a profile until sw is pretty sure it is our lo - this doesn't work for everyone though. Our los are out there ladies, they're just being little tinkers keeping us waiting til they are good and ready to find us


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I did two things to keep me occupied -
1. I completed my teacher training which with my job as well I was doing 8am-10pm most days.

2. I spent weekends and any other free time doing the 'fun stuff' -I made a scrapbook intro-book (we didn't use in the end as LO was too young but will use it later as part of life story work). Every page had a question and activity to do so it was interactive. 
We included:
a page each for Mummy and Daddy, 
a double page for our house and the rooms in, including a photo of their new bedroom, 
a double page of the local area with coloured footprints to count to fun places to visit i.e. the park, swimming 
4 pages for each of our families -grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and pets
a double page for places we go on holiday

It was a fun way to think positively, kept me occupied and went down really well with panel members.


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Okay I've sorted all our hard drive of photos into files, I've organised the book Shelf, I've made a new photo book and I'm at the point of thinking of seriously listing all our DVDs that we have! I seriously am hating this week off since I work at a school actually can't wait to get back to work to keep busy and not think and rethink about baby stuff. 
Hate feeling like this and I'm being very good and not emailing my sw at all as she is a week on leave I'm being nice I will resist til Wednesday next week I'm going to try to not call or email her it will be hard not to ring her Monday but want to be good. Arrggh!!


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Tigerbabe, lol to the DVD's I actually did that whilst I've been off with my ankle bored out of my mine! Invelos DVD profiler is free and easy!


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Thanks Arrows I've also discovered I need more socks from sorting my drawers out got more odd why does this always happen ?!


----------



## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Anyone want to play alittle game whilst we are all waiting!?

It dawned on my last night there are many little things that we'll need to buy for when our LO(s) come home. The big stuff like cots, beds, pushchairs etc we all know about, but what about little things like baby nail clippers & scissors, hairbrush/comb, little tupperware type containers for snacks when your out and about!

If anyone wants to play the game and post any items they think of, I will combine into a single list and post in the resource area. Appreciate some items will be very age dependant like sterilising stuff for tiny LO's and potties for toddlers, but would be great to have a list to look at when the time comes for us to starting purchasing!


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Good idea Lizard!
*Buy at least 6 mini tommie tippie pots (yellow and blue I think)-perfect portion size for an older baby, 
          16mths+ buy asda pasta sauce, enjoy your meal. The sauce pots are brilliant toddler meal size!
*Stockpile wet wipes -whether your LO is 6mths or 6yrs they will come in handy! My LO has eczema and having tried a few I've found Huggies Pure the best.
*a Fireguard if you have a fire


----------



## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

Ds2 was 10 months when he came home.
Microwave steriliser was £10 in asda.
We stocked up on wipes and nappy bags.
2 boxes to put nappy changing items in, one for upstairs and one for down.
Buy some decent waterproofs for yourself so you can go out in all weathers.


----------



## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

I'm not in you position yet guys, but as a childcarer of 20 years here is my advice.
Skip teething gel and use adult bonjela, life will be a lot less tears


----------



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

I love my makaton signing and reading so have already started to get a collection of books which I love and also finding out about local classes to join


----------



## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Great idea lizard!
Little things we have bought so far:
Loads of  story books for various ages
Bibs
Towels
Blankets
Soft toys (I'm a sucker for ones to go with stories!)
Snack pots (non spill)
Toys (from ages 6months onwards & unisex)
Toy storage baskets
Am on way out now to buy a baby monitor  
Also I'm spending my time making my own mobile to hang in their room

Hope everyone is well and hears some good news soon


----------

