# Feel so fed up......



## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

I've got to wait till the 9th to test but I'm 100% certain I'm not pregnant. I don't mean that negatively but just being realistic. I've got no symptoms at all (which I know not all women suffer from) and just don't 'feel' pregnant. 

I want to get on with the next lot of Clomid and so impatient at the best of times!! My skin is a mess, I'm having really weird dreams, interuppted sleep, snappy - just a hormonal mess   

Sorry to whinge but only place that understands me.

Ros
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## candykidd (Feb 13, 2006)

Hi Hon,

I know what you mean I feel the same most months! Alhough last month I was convinced I have pg even though I was not! I hate looking for signs that arn't there!

     

sending you lots of support when you need it most.

Emma xx


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Thanks so much Emma, I hate feeling like this but not been bad for a while so was overdue!  

Your body can play such awful tricks on you hun, sorry it wasn't to be for you   

Ros
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## matchbox (Dec 17, 2006)

I know the feeling as well.Feel like crying most of the time. It's hard in work as well one of the girls is pregnant after only trying for three months. And she still smokes. Everytime I go to work feels harder. Don't know what to do anymore. 

Take care

Andi


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Andi,

It just doesn't make sense does it?!! How can she fall pregnant whilst smoking and STILL smoke when carrying a baby??   I've given up for nearly 4 months now, it was tough but well worth it if it helps me conceive. 

My best mate had a baby just before xmas and she tries to compare her ttc with mine! Okay it took her 2 years but she's 34 in May, she smoked until she found out she was preggers (fingers crossed hasn't started since), did recreational drugs for about 15 years (gave up 4 months before falling pregnant) but has always had periods every month without fail. 

I have PCOS and have had about 3 periods naturally in my whole life and I'm on Clomid - how is it the same in any way??!!

Ros
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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi ros sorry to hear u are feeling this way - i do hope it is a BFP for u though 

Kate xx​


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Thank you Kate   

I've given you each a bubble   

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Ros ..Fingers crossed for you hun sending you some magic fairy dust     and a big   ...I know what the frustration is like .. I thought exactly the same a few days ago..now my AF is so heavy I can't move for flooding..I am hoping it calms down a bit as work are already getting stroppy over me taking time off..but after going through two outfits this morning in the space of 10 mins I gave up trying to get out of the door.. hey wonder if they do pampers in my size!! ha ha..talking of that I had a haemorrage in 2002.. after having treatment on my cervix for the highest grade precancer cells ..before actually being cancer..if that makes sense..and the blood was literally down to my knees in my jeans.. I got to the casualty dept (thanks to my Mum and Sister in law)and the Dr bless her ..I think it might have been her first day! said are you sure it is not just a heavy period ..by this point I had lost pints of blood..and I literally did have nappies /towels on as it was the only thing we could think of that would hold in that much blood..it was quite scary..and it was not until I got on a ward that all hell broke loose and they said I was haeomorraging..this is the funny bit .. and its funny cos I seemed to remain surreally calm throughout it all...but after trying to get it to stop by various methods..and after loosing dinner plate size clots yuk yuk yuk..they decided the only way to stop it was to pack me out..so about midnight with the curtains round there was a young male dr with a torch looking up my you know what trying to pack it out..he literally had his fist in there and he kept saying try to relax ..try to relax ..the nurses all four of them were hysterical going yeah right ..like anyone can relax in that situation..only a man could say that in that position..lol ..after that having a smear was a breeze !  So you will get through it hun cos it is amazing what we all get through and still manage to keep smiling.. even if it is through gritted teeth! and if you want to scream then go for it ..it does you good sometimes. Cat x


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Oh and on the note of annoying people that you work with  ..I supervise a girl who has 4 wks to go and it has felt like the longest pregnancy ever...as she has had every single pregnancy complaint known to man ..and some not known ha ha.. I try and remain positive with her as keep hoping it will rub off ..but it doesn't ..I don't think she realises how lucky she is to be pregnant with a healthy baby girl...but she deliberately does things like walk home when she has been advised not to walk more than certain distances...and eats nuts and says I don't care if my baby gets an allergy! Not much you can say to that is there !


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

My god that must have been awful for you hun   I'd have passed out with shock if I was loosing that much blood although at the time I know what it's like to feel surreal. Almost like it's not you that's going through it?! I had an op on my jaw when I was 18 and I remember when they were wheeling me down to the operating room and I said goodbye to my dad and it felt like I was watching someone else?! Sounds   but it's the only thing that stopped me jumping off that trolley & running all the way home!  

Oh only a man could say that, even one in the know! I hope everything is all okay now and don't you worry about work. They HAVE to understand, your health is far more important than any job. I hope this is the last AF you have for a while   

Thanks for the fairy dust babe   coming back at ya!   

Ros
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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

wouldloveababycat said:


> Oh and on the note of annoying people that you work with ..I supervise a girl who has 4 wks to go and it has felt like the longest pregnancy ever...as she has had every single pregnancy complaint known to man ..and some not known ha ha.. I try and remain positive with her as keep hoping it will rub off ..but it doesn't ..I don't think she realises how lucky she is to be pregnant with a healthy baby girl...but she deliberately does things like walk home when she has been advised not to walk more than certain distances...and eats nuts and says I don't care if my baby gets an allergy! Not much you can say to that is there !


Why is that those are the women that fall pregnant and usually so easily?? It's not fair  I'd give anything to be having morning sickness, swollen ankles and extreme tiredness!! It's so hard to stay positive and happy and you feel awful when you don't - it's one big vicious circle


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Ahhh thanks hun..yes touch wood everything has been fine with it since..I had smears every 6 months which have now gone up to a year..I was worried at the time as my gran died of cancer when she was very young ..when my Dad was about 2, and Mum has had it too..so got it on both sides of the family... I guess the surreal feeling is perhaps when you are in shock..it was wierd as everyone around was running around they couldn't believe that casualty had not recognised what was happening..they had sent me down to the ward in a wheelchair dripping blood as they did not have enough porters to send me down on a trolley..and they had no blankets left so just had one of those gorgeous gowns that really don't cover the (.) (.) ..so prob gave everyone a thrill ..until they saw the blood trail behind lol.. I have had my fair share of hospitals..and don't get me started on the car accidents I've been in ..it is a running joke at work don't get in a car with me ...but I say well I am still here to tell the tale which after some of the accidents I have been in ..that makes me very very lucky! lol.. Cat


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Yes it is annoying ..she lost her first baby though ..I went with her to the first scan as her husband had man flu..and I just had this bad feeling about it and didn't want her to go on her own..and they told her it had died..very sad, you would have thought that would have made her appreciate her pregnancy/baby even more though wouldn't you? I think maybe she is terrified of losing it ..and maybe that comes out in a strange way...I guess we all react differently in such situations..but it makes the lack of care a bit odd!


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Do they ever kick you off here for talking too much ha ha ..people will get fed up of me rabbiting on..   .... it is so nice being able to talk to people in the same situations..that other people just don't understand. So sorry if I rabbit on a bit


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

No wonder you were scared then, fingers crossed it all looks okay for you though hun! Doesn't sound the best hospital I must say, how could the nurse have thought it was just a heavy period?!! Sounds like you and hospitals see alot of each other babe, you poor thing!! Someone is looking down on you definitely!  

People do cope in different ways but why would you continue to smoke if you'd lost your first baby??!! That was very nice of you to go with her, man flu or not I know my DH would be there for me. I hope this pregnancy goes well for her hun.

Don't be silly, it's so nice to be able to speak to people that don't get bored of me going on about how down I feel and how much I want a baby, etc! I'd be lost without this board I really would!    You rabbit away darling   

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

thanks hun   it is sooo good to have people we can be honest with...I hope you are feeling a bit more positive .. I keep sending you pos vibes! says me who has been a right old miserable goat! 

I know her husband didn't make much of an effort and when he did eventually turn up there didn't seem anything wrong with him!

Well she is nearly there now so we all have our fingers crossed that everything will go smoothly for her. 

Yes me and that Hospital have had far too many get togethers.. most of them not positive ones, the hygiene down there is not brilliant either..although the fertility part is prob the cleanest bit I have seen..  I spent 6 months in the Royal National Orthapaedic Hospital in Stanmore and they were fantastic ..brilliant staff..couldn't fault them but I ended up there because Northampton General bodged my leg up! by overlapping it by 2.5inches because they didn't bother x-raying it after I had been put in traction after I broke it quite badly in a car accident with a lorry.


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

I know, you aren't made to feel like a raving loon   or emotional mess    on here it's great! Thanks hun, going to test this Friday now instead, I just couldn't wait another week at all! I feel a bit better today actually, probably because I know my thoughts will be confirmed on Friday morning and I can start taking my Norethisterone again and of course the next cycle of Clomid! 

You still not feeling great hun?!

Sounds a lovely bloke! I've got it all crossed for her too  

Bloody hell you have been through the wars   6 months in hospital??!! Must have been a very bad accident  

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Hi again Ros.. been trying to get a bit of sleep but the phone has not stopped going .. never mind at least I have more chance of falling asleep for longer tonight! I was in hospital for so long as they can only lengthen you leg so far each day to let the muscles etc stretch alongside ..and also I had to have about 3-4 hrs physio a day to stretch the muscles etc, I think now they send people home and just give them outpatients appointment for physio etc but back then you had to stay in.. I was a bit of a bleeder even then ..as sometimes they had to cut the skin away from the metal pins coming out of my leg and it bled for ages ..(this was about 5 yrs after the accident as it took us that long to fight for NGH to recognise their cock up and get a referral to RNOH - who said if I didn't have it lengthened I would be in a wheelchair by the time I was in my 20's!!).. I did have good fun in between the painful bits tho..there were so many inspirational people in there .. people who had incurable bone cancer etc who were so so brave..

What day of your cycle is it on Frid then hun..wishing you lots of    and             for a    x


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

It's always the way when you are trying to sleep! You'll defo sleep better tonight though  

My god it sounds horrific  must have been hell for you being stuck there all that time. You did the right thing then having them stretched, wouldn't want to have to rely on a wheelchair especially that young. Is everything all okay now though?? I bet there were, some people go through so muchyet are so brave   

It's CD34 babe! Thank you so much for the dust and positive's!    Just want to get it out of the way so I can start on the next cycle of Clomid! 

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Yes sounds a good idea then testing on friday... will be thinking of you hun x 

I have joint problems as I have something called hypermobility syndrome which means that my joints are not held in place as they should be by my ligaments..so my pelvis twists out about every 4 months or so..I have a great chiropractor though who twists it back in shape for me ..it is a bit like what people get when they are pregnant that relaxes the ligaments ...well my ligaments are rubbish ..so I wear boots a lot as it supports my ankles as I was going over on my ankle a few times a week at one point.. and avoid doing breaststroke as they say that will dislocate my hip.. it doesn't make going into gynae procedures much fun either ..and sometimes sex is a pain in the ... joints ! ha ha but otherwise I am fine! I know if it is playing up as my hip starts giving way..if I go then straight away I am usually fine within one treatment .. unfortunately as I have to pay for the treatment as not available on the NHS I couldn't afford it in November as had to pay out £500 to get my car through the mot (the one that has just been stolen!) and it went on me big style over christmas and I couldn't walk..but that was my own fault and next time the car will wait not my joints! but that is not really related as far as I know to the smashed up leg ..I think I would have had it anyway.  So I am collecting syndromes .. what with PCOS and HMS.. wonder what other one I can collect .. a baby making one would be good he he !

I am still thinking of going in for a remould .. they could stretch me a bit more so that I am the right weight for my height.. actually not sure that would be a good look 7ft ha ha !! 

I am hoping to sleep tonight .. I have picked out several breeds of sheep to count if all else fails ..hey maybe I can finish the car chase dream I had last night ! 

Cat x


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

You really make me laugh!   You have a great attitude about it all. I think I've heard of HS before, would it be affected by child birth?? Sorry if that's a really stupid question or too personal. It's disgusting that you have to pay for it yourself, surely if it's a recognised condition you should get it through the NHS? I'm so sorry to hear about your car     b*stards, will you get anything back for it?? Definitely get yourself sorted out first next time, far more important for you to be okay. 

Sweet dreams, I'm going in a bit too feel knackered! Speak soon hun.

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

I got £600 so was gutted ..they said as it had technically been a right off about 6 months before ..even though we had repairs done they said it was worth less ..I was gutted especially as I had just spent £500 getting it through the MOT .. I almost wish they had nicked it before the mot lol

I don't know if it will cause me problems during childbirth .. I would be better off having an active birth/water birth rather than in stirrup things ..as that is painful whereas I am a lot better in water. Hey I just hope I get that far to have that problem !! 

It is frustrating that they don't give you treatment on the NHS .. all they do is dish out painkillers which don't solve the problem.. I had physio for a while after being diagnosed with the problem but all they can do is try and strengthen my muscles to give me more support ..they said my leg muscles are amazingly strong as normally when someone has it as bad as I do in my ankles they can't walk ..but my muscles compensate for that.  I am just wierd I am getting used to it lol.. speak soon hun sweet dreams to you too x


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

blew you some bubbles ... for good luck for friday


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Oh no what a nightmare! If you hadn't have had the MOT done though it would never have got stolen 

Water births are supposed to be better for you and the baby anyway so that won't be a problem! Of course you will hun, has to be our turn soon  

That's one good thing then, your strong muscles! You aren't weird at all, don't say that babe  

Did you get a good nights sleep?

Thanks so much for the bubbles - I've returned the favour      

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

I am having a really bad day   I seem to be arguing with a friend via text about how I should be reacting to my treatment.. I told her I am sorry if I am not myself but need to work through this in the only way I know how..she then tried to make it all about her and that she tried naturally for quite a while til she got pregnant ..and that she got disappointed too ... I know that I know the heartache she went through ..but I can't just fake the way I feel..I didn't think I had been any different at the weekend ..as don't try and put my feelings onto other people..but it is hardly suprising if I was a little down ..I had not had the best week in the world..I just want to be left alone to get through it ...but she keeps on and on and I am sitting here crying my eyes out as have had enough ... I don't want to be arguing with her .. she told me I should forget about babies and getting pregnant ..how on earth do you do that when you are on this rollercoaster ride of fertility treatment


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear you are upset hun   I don't think your friend is being fair though. I've found the same thing, people try to compare their ttc to mine when they have periods every month and fell pg naturally! It's not the same in any way at all and it frustrates me so much  

If it only it was that easy to just give up and forget about trying for a baby, if we felt like that we'd never go through fertility treatment in the first place! Was a very insensitive thing to say when you aren't feeling great. 

People just struggle with how to handle people like us   

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Yeah you are prob right ... wish this d*m AF would stop ..grr guess you can tell the moody drugs are starting to take effect now lol I deliberately responded to her in a pleasant fashion but told her I need to work through it myself ..actually I did tell her not to take everything I said personally as it was not about her !! maybe that was a bit off ..I don't know  ..I think I will just have to keep away from this friend for a while ... as she is obviously finding it difficult not to tell me how i should be acting...she wanted to come round and redecorate my home argh as if that would make a difference  .. NO go away lol ..it just made me think I like my home as it is thanks !!!!


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Sounds like this mate tries to tell you what to do in most aspects of your life babe! I definitely think a bit of distance between you both is required, you told her not to take things personally and it wasn't about her so if she can't accept that then sod her! 

We don't need the added stress of being worried about how our friends are feeling about it all. If we want to cry we will, if we want to feel sorry for ourselves then we will, if we want to get mad we will! 

Ros
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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

She has just sent me another text saying that she thinks I am not helping myself ..another words if I don't get pregnant I only have myself to blame   ..so I have replied saying thanks for that ..I feel so much better!  - I am going to turn my phone off I think.


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