# Newbies Han and shaz looking for advice please :)



## Hannahandshaz (Apr 4, 2013)

Hi all

We are newbies to all of this and are not entirely sure on how this all works :/ 
Myself and my fiancée recently got referred to Coventry university hospital reproductive clinic, so we went to our appointment after various blood tests checking ovulation And so forth prior, we had kinda done our home work on things and had high hopes that we would be able to get at least 1 free IUI on the nhs, however when we went to our appointment we were greeted by a very rude doctor who first of Said "so it's your life long dream to have a baby" our reply of corse "yes it's our biggest wish", he then said "wellllllll we won't help u with funding u will have to pay, you need to loose at least 3 stone in weight come back in 6 months" :O with this we asked "why" he said "well you are choosing to not be normal and you are CHOOSING to be difficult and not have sex with a man" our reply through tears were "can you not see this isn't a choice"!!!! He basically went on to make us feel an inch tall and showed us a lamanitated piece of paper which stated they would not support same sex couples. So we came away very disheartened and upset by how we had been treated! 

We were just wondering if anybody else had experienced this and where we go from here?? Do we appeal for funded treatment or is it a loss cause?? Any advice would be great.

Thank you in advance 
Hannah and shaz xxxxx


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

OMG, that is appalling. 


I know that funding varies widely across the country however treatment and respect from the healthcare professionals should not. All I can advise is to put in a formal complaint against the doctor and insist on an investigation. Nobody should be spoken to in that manner. 


In regards to the funding, I am sorry I cannot advise, though someone should be along soon to help you.


If you are not entitled to any funding, are there any private clinics locally you could self refer to, would ensure you would not have to deal with that doctor again!


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## Coldilox (Mar 20, 2013)

The way the doctor spoke to you is appalling, and you have grounds for a complaint.

Regarding the funding, new guidelines say same sex couple can be funded IF there is proven infertility. The suggestion is that you have to pay for 3-6 IUI cycles yourself, ic this fails you can then apply for funding. These are just guidelines and each OCT (or CCG as it us now) sets its own rules, however I don't know of any who will fund with no proven fertility issues. I did a lot of research when we started this journey. Sorry, I know its disheartening.


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## deemo (Oct 13, 2009)

Hannahandshaz, sorry that this happened to you. I strongly recommend that you write a letter of complaint to the head of the fertility unit, explaining exactly what happened. Doctor saying that you are "choosing to be difficult and not have sex with a man" is simply unacceptable.My blood is boiling on your behalf.​


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## celticgirl (Oct 8, 2012)

Hi Han and Shaz,
So sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. It is a disgrace that you were spoken to that way.  I would urge you to make a formal complaint.  You might also want to give the Equality and Human Rights Commission a call and get their advice about how you were treated.  
As for funding, as others have said, it varies across the country.  In my area I think lesbian couples can access 6 cycles of IUI on the NHS.  We are going through a private clinic so this hasn't been an issue.  I do know that all clinics will want your BMI to be under a certain limit (ours is BMI under 30) before they will start your treatment.  
Good luck with everything.  Most people are very welcoming and supportive.


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## Monkey07 (Jul 8, 2012)

Wow... There is no way you should have been spoken to in that manner!! I would definitely advise you to make a complaint about the doctors conduct. 
Our GP attempted to get us funding but we were also rejected on the grounds of "same sex relationships are not deemed as infertility" but we were expecting this so had already set aside funds and chose to go private with the LWC (cardiff) where we have nothing but praise for them and our positive experience. 
Wishing you both the best of luck on your journey xx


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## Itsmekatielou (Dec 20, 2012)

We are with LWC cardiff too and they have been lovely with s, always including DW in things, like asking her to write my egg follicle sizes! Can't fault them.

What's happened to you is absolutely disgusting. I would, without question go to whomever governs them and make a formal complaint.


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

That's awful! 

On the funding side of things, you probably won't be eligible unless there's a known fertility problem. NICE guidelines might say that IUI *should* be offered, but that may not be the reality in most areas. Mine (Bradford) only funds when there are fertility issues. What I would push for, though, is some investigation into your fertility before you pay out for any treatment, especially if you have any family history of something like PCOS. Try to find out as much as you can about your fertility health beforehand.

My partner and I have secured funding, but only because I pushed for tests and found problems with both my tubes, which would mean IUI would have been a waste of time (and money).


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## Hannahandshaz (Apr 4, 2013)

Thank you all soooooo much, u have all been so lovely and have made us feel alot better as it's easy to start feeling alone in all this! We are defiantly going to make a complaint even just to stop this happening to another couple! We are going to look into everything u have all said and properly research it all *sarahsuperdork- how did u push for tests? Did u just ask? X katielou and monkey07 have u gone out of ur way to go there Cus it's the best? X I can't thank you all enough for ur advice and support x


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## Itsmekatielou (Dec 20, 2012)

The reason I choose it is because it's the closest one to me! I only live about 12 miles away.


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

I went to see my GP, who was fantastic. I originally went to ask for blood tests that I needed to save money on private treatment but she referred me to a consultant to check my tubes as well. There was no indication anything would be wrong (I have a relatively good cycle) so I was really lucky to have had the investigative procedure that I had. I visited a private clinic who advised me NOT to have the laparoscopy because it's so invasive and there would "probably" be nothing wrong with me. I'm glad I chose not to take that advice! Lap & dye is invasive when you're doing it as a 'just in case' but it can save you thousands in private IUI that would be unlikely to be successful. 

I think I was just unlucky, though, I don't know how common tubal issues actually are. Visit your GP and perhaps ask for some tests around your fertility, particularly the blood tests that show your hormonal changes on different days in your cycle (amh and FSH?). If you don't ask, you don't get so it doesn't hurt, the worst they can do is say no. Some GPs (and PCTs in general) are more understanding than others.


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## Monkey07 (Jul 8, 2012)

We live in Devon but chose LWC Cardiff as had heard good things about them and were impressed by their communication when we were researching; they were also cheaper than paying to go private at Exeter. We also looked, seriously, into going abroad to Diers Clinic (we know two couples who used and conceived there) however due to the expense of getting us up to London Standsted and partner not being too great at flying we decided it would be more stressful overall. 

My GP also did some basic checks to speed up process/reduce costs... HIV, hep b & c, chlamydia, rubella, full blood count, day 3 fsh and day 21 progesterone. Think that's all?! 

I did have AMH tested by LWC which cost but GP wasnt able to do so no choice lol, LWC advised me to have lap & dye but declined as, after researching, we couldn't see the need for an invasive test given my age and no none fertility issues - as you can see below I didn't need it and saved us approx £300  

Are you already taking folic acid? If not, start  I also had Accupunture for four months prior and up to the evening before IUI  xx


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## Aldo.a (Mar 20, 2013)

We have been extremely lucky with the Nhs.  We initially went to our doctor and had the normal blood tests, scans etc.  These were all okay so we were referred to St Albans hospital who sent me for further tests. At the same time our consultant said St Albans would not fund our treatment but he referred us to Hammersmith Hospital as they work 'outside' the guidelines. To cut a long story short we have been funded 3 cycles of IVF on the Nhs.  It's been a long journey, but we got there in the end. It helped that our consultant didn't like to follow the rules.

Started our first cycle in Feb and currently PUPOA!

Good luck.


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Dear Hannah and Shaz, 

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. We're going to our first consultation today at MFS so a private clinic but I know the feelings of excitement, anticipation, and also a bit fearful of anything negative they might say. No wonder you were in tears, I would have been devastated too! If you can face it please do put in a complaint. My wife is a nurse and confirms that this is against the medical code of conduct. If you complain they will contact other patients and if enough people verify your experience he can get struck off. If people do nothing he will carry on making people feel this way. Best of luck for the future xx


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