# Overwhelming grief



## LauraS (Mar 9, 2009)

Hello all

It's been a long time since I posted on here.  You can see from my signature below that I have a complex medical history and in July 2010 I was told that I wouldn't be able to carry a child even if I were to be able to conceive which was a very low probability.    I had a few tears and was deposndent but pleased that I was at the end of a rollercoaster ride...3 days later we became godparents and 2 weeks after that my grandfather died and tbat started a long line of things I had to deal with instead.

Thinking back now I never really had a proper chance to grieve for what I couldn't have and just got on with it.  I had no choice people depended on me to be the strong, positive one.

5 years have gone by...5 mother's days, 5 birthday's of our gorgeous goddaughter and 5 Christmases have come and gone....and now only now has it hit me....I'm not going to experience what mum's get to experience..for the past 4 weeks I feel that I've got sadder and I can't seem to shake it.  I've been to GP and she has been very supportive and is going to look into counselling for me but she recommended I have a look online for support and here I am...back in the place where I used to talk about TTCing and celebrating with BFP's.

Is it strange to start feeling this way now?  If anyone has experienced such a delayed reaction I'd be interested and grateful to hear from you.

Thanks for reading 

Laura x


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## Chandlerino (Nov 30, 2011)

Laura,

Saw that no one has responded yet so just wanted to send you a cyber  

It's lovely how you speak of your god daughter but there is no time limit on grieving.

The medical world changes so quickly, is there any chance you can get a second opinion now? It sounds like you haven't completely shut the door on motherhood... I don't mean to upset you and I really hate it when people say it to me but maybe there is another way of becoming a mummy. If it's not something you want to pursue then counselling may be of help to you, hopefully your GP will be able to find someone for you to talk to.

Much love 

Chandlerino xx


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Laura

Sorry you're feeling this way   Sadly, grief works this way and can rear its head at any point.  Sounds like you had your hands full for the last few years, and now that you've a bit more time, thoughts of what could have been, and the feelings of loss and sadness, are coming in. It's totally normal    I know that happens to me - I've accepted that I'll never have my own genetic child, but every so often I get a pang and the feelings of grief come back for a while, when I think of what can never be. It's the way grief works, and working through those feelings will hopefully help you come to some resolution.


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## LauraS (Mar 9, 2009)

Thank you Chandlerino and Miss Sunshine 22 for your replies.  I guess you're right grief has no timescale.  As for whether the door is open or closed...I really don't know.  I don't know whether because I blocked it out and I have pushed my feelings aside and I've managed to persuade myself what I've been telling everyone that it's not meant to be and maybe now I'm doubting it all.  

I have a lot of thinking to do and possibly  a lot more crying xxx


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello LauraS,

I am so sorry to hear that you have had such challenges in trying to conceive. I would echo the other replies.. It sounds like you have had a lot to focus on in the last few years. There is a stage in the grieving process called 'denial' and it takes many forms. Sometimes, we just aren't ready to process difficult information yet. For me, and for many people, the processing happens in waves and years can go by between the waves. 

Your response is absolutely right and healthy-- give yourself time and space to explore your feelings. Eventually a way forward will emerge. It may be getting a second opinion, exploring surrogacy or adoption, or moving on through new adventures. Or something else entirely! 

If you feel that your grief is affecting your work or your relationships, consider speaking to a GP. There are a range of treatments which can help, such as counselling or medication. 

In the meantime, continue to share your experiences here. Many of us are in the same place as you or have been there. Acceptance is key to overcoming grief, and the ladies in this forum have that in spades!


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## LauraS (Mar 9, 2009)

Thank you handstitchedmum, just logged on today and saw your kind reply.  I'm pleased I've acknowledged how I'm feeling and saw a counsellor for the first time last week, so nice to be able to talk to a complete stranger who I won't upset or judge me.  

Thanks again ladies for your support


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