# How to cope with BFN??



## Lolalocks (Mar 6, 2006)

Just been through my 1st cycle of ICSI and got a BFN this weekend.  Should not have been so naive in expecting it to work 1st time.  Has anybody got any good tips on how to get life back on track and how to keep that hope alive as all my hope seems to have been drained away from me.  Feel as though it'll never work and wish the earth would swallow me up.    
LL x x


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## Wendy K (Sep 26, 2005)

Hi Lolalocks,

I am so sorry about your bfn 

For me, I needed to have a follow up to discuss what could have gone wrong, and what could be changed or done next time to help?
They learn a lot of things about you during a cycle, so quite often they have some good feedback for your next try 

If I wasn't happy with the follow up, in my case I eventually had another consultation at a different clinic and took my notes from the original clinic (you can ask for them if you want, they may charge you £25.00 approx).  

For me feeliing a bit more in control was helpful, it gave me something to focus on, in a horrid situation, where you normally have little control, it helped. Infomation is power 

You will feel stronger sweetie, and I really hope you get your precious baby     Babydust for you 

Love

Wendy K


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## Lolalocks (Mar 6, 2006)

Thanks Wendy - have booked follow up review but they couldn't see us until 26th Feb - seems such a long time away for answers x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

so sorry hun    i did a lot of crying   and wallowing in self pity when i got my BFN's and it took a good few weeks for me to pick myself up, so don't put too much pressure on yourself as you will feel better in time and your hope and strength will be back  

pam xx


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## Liss (Sep 7, 2007)

Hello Lolalocks

So sorry to hear this cycle ended in a BFN  .  I was the same as you and naiively expected our 1st cycle of IVF in Oct 07 to result in success and felt completely shattered when it didn't so you're not alone  

Trying to get some good feedback from your Con does help and like the others have said, try not to expect too much of yourself too quickly.  IVF takes a big toll on you physically but more so emotionally, and its going to take time to feel strong again.  We went away on holiday for a change of scenery, so if a weekend away is an option or staying with friends, I would recommend it as that really helped us and we have been keeping busy planning nice things at the weekend.  I wouldn't recommend trying to be so busy that you blank everything out your mind (because I think it would catch up with you later) but doing things you enjoy and spending time with people whose company you really enjoy will help you to feel positive about yourself again.

I'm really sorry hun, I know the disappointment feels unbearable at the moment, but I promise you it does get better  .  Ladies are very lucky to get a BFP on their 1st try anyway and I have been told often that a 1st cycle is almost like a trial run to see how you respond to the drugs so the clinic can perfect it for the next time  .

Wishing you all the luck in the world and hope you feel strong again soon but only when you feel ready  .  Hang on in there and don't give up!!!

Lots of love, 

Liss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## stacey18 (Dec 18, 2007)

Hi,

i didnt want to read and run - I had my first icsi cycle august last year and was completely devastated when it failed. My treatment went without a hitch and we had 2 top notch embryos but still it didnt work. My follow up consultation did help - despite the lack of pregnancy, my cons said the treatment was actually very successful i.e. good response rates etc. He felt I should have exactly the same protocol next time and the lack of pregnancy was really nothing more than the lottery of getting pregnant that couples face each month.  He was right. I have just had my 2nd treatment and I'm happy (and amazed) to say Im pregnant. I was more relaxed this time, with lower expectations and I really feel my state of mind helped.

Unless you've been through ivf, its impossible to understand the devastation you feel when it doesnt work. It sounds corny but every week you will feel better - for me, being pro-active and planning my next treatment gave me the focus I needed so I didnt feel like the dream was over. I really wish you the best of luck.

Stacey


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## tom+jerry (Jan 2, 2008)

LL

Sorry to hear your sad news.  Nothing really prepares you for that horrid result as we always hope that we'll be the lucky ones that it works 1st time for. 

I got a BFN on 1 Jan 08 and was devestated after our 1st IVF failed. My emotions were all over the place   .  If you go for another cycle they can use the finding from 1st cycle to more accurately base your 2nd treatment on.

We had a review mtg last week with NHS consultant and it was very positive and constructive so hopefully that might help also.

Most of the cliinics offer counselling service if that might help and you always gets lots of support and understanding on here.

Everyone's different but it does get better through time - honestly it does.

Take care


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## zozo (Feb 14, 2008)

LL, Hi I know just how u feel my first ICSI tx failed last week, but I got a BFP then a few days later a BFN. I felt elated for a day or so until I got the news.

I know what you mean i went through all the things of will i ever have children, but i realised just need to be positive no matter how long it takes. 

At the moment im under taking some DIY work at home to make the time pass, and i'll be back at the clinic in two months hopefully.

Let me know how your doing Zoe xx


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