# I'm new! IVF & egg sharing ~



## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi, 

I have been to the Hull clinic today to have my egg sharing bloods taken. I am going to start IVF treatment for myself next year and I thought I would egg share mainly due to finance. I would love to chat with someone who has gone or is going through egg sharing. Even if your not egg sharing, what are your views on it?


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Zarah  
Thank you for Egg sharing, its not an easy thing to do but the Joy it brings us ladies that needs a donated egg is undescribable 
Can I ask why your needing IVF yourself 

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

Egg Share ~ 
CLICK HERE

IVF General CLICK HERE

Starting out & Diagnosis ~
CLICK HERE

Meanings ~
CLICK HERE

FAQ ~
CLICK HERE

FERTILITY INFO GUIDES
CLICK HERE

Inbetween treatment 
CLICK HERE

G&B  Community board
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## BAE (Sep 25, 2007)

Hi Zarah
and welcome to FF. I think it is great that you are eggsharing. The finance side of ivf is such a big thing that you have to do what's right for you. It's wonderful that you are giving someone else a chance as well as fulfilling your dream
Good luck
Love Bev xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## Smila (Jun 18, 2007)

Zarah,

Welcome to FF!

I am currently egg sharing for the first time at the Lister Fertility Clinic in London. Please feel free to send me a personal message with any specific questions which you may have regarding egg share and I'll try my best to respond to them if I can.



Smila x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## Strawberries (Apr 6, 2005)

Hi Zarah,

  Just like to say hello and welcome to fertility friends  


                          Strawberries xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Zarah, welcome to Fertility friends. 

I am an ex-egg sharer (did it 4 times, also at the Lister) so I am probably biased but I have to say it is a fab thing to do to help someone else out at the same time as helping yourself.

Do check out the Egg Share boards that Dizzi has left you a link to as you will find lots of ladies on there who have or are going through this at the moment.

C~x


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## vikki75 (Nov 14, 2007)

Hi Zarah, I'm due to start in January next year an this has got to be the most helpful place ever. i was sterilised in 2005. really didn`t believe i`d ever be able to have a child with my partner, until i found here , it`s here that i found out about egg sharing now I'm all booked up with a clinic in London , my first consultation is in about 8 wks cant wait . anyway good luck an lots of     for you . vikki75


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies.
The reason I need IVF is because I have 2 blocked fallopian tubes. I have 1 child age 13 from a previous relationship. I found out I had damaged tubes 9yrs ago. I am having my tubes removed in January to give me a better chance of IVF working. I had my egg sharing bloods taken last week and Im seeing a councellor to discuss egg sharing in 2 weeks. So if all goes well that is the route I will be taking. I told my parents & siblings over the weekend and they are being very supportive, which helps alot.

The only thing thats bothering me is the fact that if the lady Im sharing with has a child (which i never find out) that child has a right to know who I am when it's 18.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Zarah, to be honest I think you have to recognise the fact that, when you egg share, yopur eggs are going to help other make a baby. It is inevitable that, sometimes, a cycle will end with a live birth (sorry, clinic terminology, not mine) for your recipient and not for you. That exact thing happened to me on my second cycle which, to make it worse, I too had got pregnant on but miscarried. 
I am not sure if it is standard practice for clinics to tell donors if their recipient is successful but a lot of ladies here have found out so perhaps it might be good to ask your clinic what their policy on this is and, decide whether it is something you want to know or not. 
The way the laws have been changed to eliminate donor anonymity have been done deliberately to make the children conceived through gamete donation more able to have a right to their heritage. Yes, there is a very real possibility that someone will come looking for you (and me) in 18 years to find out what we are like. I don't know it if helps to know that one of my recipients had a baby from my eggs or not but at least I know that the possibility is actually a real one and not just a maybe. The other thing egg sharers have to consider is what to tell any children that you conceive. If your recipient's child has a right to know their heritage, does it then follow that you have an obligation to inform your own child / children they have a genetic "brother or sister" out there?   This is a question I am now grappling with, made even more difficult for me in that none of my family knew we had any fertility treatment and, by telling my son, I will inevitably have to tell my family. 
These are all things that will be discussed with you at your counselling session. It is a lot to take in and, it sometimes turns out that egg sharing is not something that is suitable, emotionally at least, for everyone. For me, personally, I found that it was a great comfort for me to know that my recipient had a success from my eggs. Initially I felt quite bitter (why not me!) but once I had got past that, I actually felt very happy for her and I took a huge amount of comfort from the fact that that cycle was not a complete waste of time after all. In fact I was actually rather surprised by how good it made me feel to know I had given the gift of a chance if life to someone who, otherwise, would have no hope. If you ask me now, with hindsight, if I would do it again, the answer would undoubtedly be yes. 
I don't know if any of this is making sense - it is very hard even now to write down exactly how I felt / feel about the whole thing - but I hope it helps.

C~x


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## A.T.C.C (Mar 13, 2006)

Zarah - hope you dont mind me posting. Im not an egg sharer but im an altruistic egg donor.
I just wanted to say that having donated to 3 ladies i knew that there could be a possibility that someone may come knocking on my door in 18 years time but im sure it wouldnt be a negative visit. The child wouldnt be knocking saying anything like 'why did you give me up'etc it would probably be out of curiosity more than anything.
My children are only young 10 & 6 but they know that ive donated. Ive never said to them that any child born as a result of my donating would be a sibling cos i dont see it like that.
the lady that ive recently donated to is now pregnant and we are all overjoyed in both families but none of us in my family see the baby as anything to do with us. The way i see it is that the egg was mine and i gave it as a gift... i gave it so it no longer belongs to me. 
My part was just one of the ingredients needed to make a baby.. the rest was up to the recipient and her dh to do and they did a fab job!!


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.

At the clinic were I will be having my treatment, the rules are the woman sharing my eggs will remain anonymous and I will not be given any details about her or her treatment ands its outcome. I will also be anonymous to her.

I have a 13 year old daughter and I haven't told her anything yet, I don't know how she will react it will probably go over her head, as most things do with teenagers! I want to have my counselling sessions 1st. When the time is right I will tell her, I think! It's a very difficult decision. 

Do you think it's possible to share your eggs and then forget about it? would it be a good idea to blank it from your mind? 

I have thought if I had a child from a donated egg, I don't think I would ever let that child know that it wasn't genetically mine, is that wrong?
I have also thought what if my Mum told me I had come from a donated egg, would I be bothered? Yes I would, I would rather not know, and I don't think I would want to knock on someones door 18yrs later and turn their life upside down. Would it turn your life upside down? 

If there are any ladies out there who have a child through a donated egg, will you tell that child were they came from?


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Zarah said:


> Do you think it's possible to share your eggs and then forget about it? would it be a good idea to blank it from your mind?


From my own experience I don't think it is completely possible to forget you have donated, no; it is a huge thing to do. However I don't think about it or dwell on it all the time. I guess I probably think about it more often because I am involved with FF a lot and so have occasion to talk about my IF and the process I went through to have my son more than most women might. I don't mean I sit there and dwell on what he/she looks like and think of him/her as "my baby" or anything remotely like that because, well I don't at all! But I do feel quite proud and happy to have done what I did. I was never prepared from the gratification that donating gave me and that did, to an extent, negate the guilt I initially felt because I decided to do it for financial reasons. Personally I don't think it is something you should feel you need to blank from your mind, rather something you should be proud of doing. 
I can't say what it is like on the other side of the fence - i.e. being a parent of a donor child. I can only say that if I were donor conceived I would rather know about it early on than find out later. I think that this is possible worse than never knowing, but I can understand why some parents of donor conceived children chose not to tell them. I know that we have had similar discussions about this on the donor boards so perhaps have a look through the boards for some input:

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

C~x


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## vikki75 (Nov 14, 2007)

Zarah i`,m due to start egg sharing in jan 08 an to me it means nothing to me . my egg is nothing with out all that comes with the baby making process. I`m not the one that will be carrying the couples child that there specially make for them selves . my egg is nothing unless the magic is added to it so to me its a gift to the couple that long for a baby . an i think that you shouldnt have to tell the child when its older , if it wasnt for the parents it wouldnt be here .


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi Vikki,

Thanks for the reply. Providing my egg sharing bloods come back ok, I am defo going to egg share, for financial reasons mainly. If I didn't I wouldn't be able to afford to pay for my own tretment. So hopefully I will get my little miracle and give a little miracle to another couple.


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## vikki75 (Nov 14, 2007)

well Zarah good luck an keep us posted on how your treatment goes


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi Vikki,
Good luck to you too. Keep us informed on your progress


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## vikki75 (Nov 14, 2007)

Zarah, got my first opening evening at the clinic I'm going with ,tomorrow night this is so i can see wat treatments and stuff they offer an if i fit the criteria i`m quite excited about going i`ll let you know how i got on 
xx vikkixx


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## ~ MJP ~ (Oct 16, 2006)

Hi Zarah  

I'm in a similar situation to you.. I have a 16 year old son who was conceived far too easily at the age of 17! Now I need IVF to conceive due to badly blocked tubes. Sadly they are beyond repair, but I have been told they don't need removing as there is no fluid in them.

We decided to egg share at The Lister in London, firstly to help us financially with IVF and also to help another couple get their long awaited dream! What a brilliant idea eh! I've already been through one cycle which was successful for both myself and my recipient initially, but sadly I miscarried very early. We've also had 2 frozen transfers with our remaining embryos from that cycle, but this didn't work   

So were off again, starting in January! I'd love to chat to you and if I can answer any questions you may have about IVF and or egg sharing and my experience. This year has been very sad for us but I feel enormously proud and happy to have helped another couple make their little bundle of joy, we certainly don't regret it. 

You are doing an amazing thing and I wish you all the luck in the world! Please pm me if you'd like to chat!

Maria x


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi Maria,

I have sent you a PM, I think!?  I haven't sent one before so could you let me know if you got it please.

Thanks love Zarah x


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi Zarah - Welcome to FF and as you can see you have certianly come to the right place and you have had lots of help and advice aleady.  I would recommend that you follow the links Dizzy gave you and have a look at all the threads on donor eggs/sperm as there is lots of advice on there about telling or not telling the child it was donor conceived which I will come back to in a minute. Also there is a secondary infertility section and in that there is a special thread for ladies with children over 10 so you might like to go over and have a chat with some of them.
Well I am the incredbily lucky recipient from Angela who has already replied to you on here, in fact 3 weeks ago exactly she gave me 20 eggs!!!!  11 fertilised and we took them to blastocyst stage (after five days) and ended up with four good embies.  Two are inside me and 2 are in the freezer!!!  I got my BFP last Monday we are elated but its still sinking in and of course we are all over the moon.
I actually met Angela on the What to tell your donor child thread and we have become firm friends and will always be.  I have explained to my ds all about Angela (and we have met several times now incuding the kids)  giving me her eggs and Daddys sperm in a dish and we have a few fascinating books on the subject - he has been involved from the beginning and ok he did tell everyone mummy had a baby in her tummy two weeks ago when I had shown him that the potential baby is actually cells dividing for the first few weeks but I digress as ever, we fully intend to let the baby know it was donor conceived from day one (of course he/she wont understand from then) and I cannot remember who said it on another thread but it will be discussed as normal in our house that this precious baby/ies was conceived because this wonderful lady Angela gave Mummy one of her eggs.  The child will know what a wonderful person Angela is because she is a family friend and my Dh who was against the idea at first calls her our Angel!!! she will always be a part of our lives and that was going to be whatever the outcome.  The baby will know how much it was wanted and loved and what went into his/her creation and we have all kept diaries for the potential child.  I am 1000 per cent sure this was the right thing to do and feel so blessed to have met Ang and we have this wonderful outcome and  my only concern is how other people are going to interpret it as a lot of people who have never experienced IF are very ignorant but I am so proud about what we have done.  Also when we are ready not only are we going to start a campaign to get more egg donors by going even more public than FF we are most probably going to donate the two blasts that are in the freezer.
I hope my waffling has helped and my main advice is to keep looking around this site and there are many great places to get the help and info you need and everyone does not always check the intro boards.  Ang has her own thread for donors and there are a lot of egg sharers on there and as well as there being and egg sharing thread.  I think its an amazing thing you are doing and something you should be proud of and certainly not blank out.  good luck  
love
susie


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Thanks for your reply Suzie, 

I have defo come to the right place, I have learnt soooo much and made some friends. I can't believe how many people actually have fertility problems, I now no I am not on my own. I have told family & close friends and they try to understand but the ladies on here are in the same boat and that really helps.

 on your BFP. This is another thing that has helped me on FF, all the BFP's I have read about, before I came on FF I thought IVF didn't work that often but OMG there's alot of BFP's out there!!

Hi Vikki- how did your open evening go?


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## vikki75 (Nov 14, 2007)

Hi zarah the opening eveing went really well it was so helpful i made a little topic on it in egg sharing forum. but i ended up getting my first consultation free i`m just so much more educated about it now i really really can`t wait to start im going to see if i can move my date forward xx even had a solicitor there it was great i now know my rights with ed and i`m going in this with my eyes wide open x hows you ?


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## Zarah (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi Vikki,

i'm ok thank you.

I have my egg sharing discussion at my clinic on 18th Dec, so I will let you know how ot goes.


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