# Surrogacy taboos



## Hopeful Mum (Aug 11, 2014)

Hi,
At the minute my head and my heart are fighting each other and I wondered how others would feel who are going through or have been through something similar. At the moment we are looking for a host surrogate. I think my sister in law would be an ideal candidate, she has had two children of her own and went through both pregnancies and deliveries very naturally without any complications. However, my husband won't let me ask because it's his sister. I know that there would be no genetic links to his sister but he cant get his head around it. On the other hand she hasn't offered. She has said if there was anything she could do just to ask-but I know I'm probably reading too much into it and I don't want to upset my husband. Has anyone encountered any similar issues?


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## Anny1970 (Mar 6, 2015)

Hopeful Mum, I want to share my thoughts about your situation. I understand that you trust your sister in law. You`ll be able to be close to her any moment you want to. You will be able to ask all you want. But remember that your relations will never be the same after this. You will always remember that she carried you child. She felt the first move. Moreover I`m sure you will be jealous. You won`t understand why the world is not fair. Your child will be under her heart all 9 months. I`m sure your child and your sister in law will have special connection. It doesn`t matter that they are not genetically connected. And think about her family. How will you explain everything to her children? Is she married? If yes, how her husband will react? Don`t forget about your husband. Imagine his feelings. It`s his sister. I don`t think that he would even agree. Are you sure that his sister will agree? She has her private life. She has her own family. Of course it`s up to you to decide. We have surrogacy program in Ukraine. We thought that we will have a lot of meetings with different surrogate mothers. Later we will decide which one is the best for us. But we were mistaken. It turned out that the procedure is completely different in biotexcom. We didn`t even see our surrogate up to 12th week of pregnancy. Our coordinator explained us that the doctors will decide which lady is the best for us. Her health condition is the only thing that is important. Moreover the doctors check not only physical health but also mental. What is more they check the genetics of the surrogate. Later we understood that this approach works. Our personal attitude doesn`t play any role. Her health is the most important!!! I`m sure you`ll make the right choice. Think about all pros and cons. Don`t be in a hurry. Have an open talk with your husband. Wish you all the best!!! Good luck!!!


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