# Just starting out....



## FIFI2222 (May 13, 2011)

Hi All

On Friday night I joined this site and have spent much of the weekend reading the many different experiences of the many many brave women on here - my hat comes off to you all - I think you are fantastic. I only hope I can be half as brave as we move through whatever the next few months hold. Right now I just feel sick about it all. But I do feel now it is the time to post for the first time and I also feel this could  be a fantastic tool to help me through.

Compared to what many people on here have been through I feel a bit of a phoney! My DH and I have been TTC naturally for 13 months. I am 35 and married just over a year ago. We have so far not been successful. A few weeks ago after blood tests our GP referred us to Addenbrookes for our initial appointment which is on 14th June. And so we wait....I have no idea what to expect from this appointment (anyone can enlighten me?) and what the next stage will be but I realise now from reading all the posts on here that patience is going to be a key quality which I will possess by the end of this journey.  

There is noone in our families that know we have been referred for infertility treatment. My 2 brothers both have young children of their own. They are very busy with them andvery  involved as they should be with their upbringing and I would never ever want them to feel bad in any way about our situation. I love my nephews to bits. My DH also has a brother and a sister and the too both have young children and the situation is very similar. My Mum and Dad do know that we are taking a little longer than any of the rest of the family to conceive (everyone else seemed to be successful on their first month!) but since i first shared this infromation with my Mum she has not broached the subject with me and I feel she believes it is an issue for my DH and I privately. I told a colleague at work who continually made reference to the fact that we should start a family that infact she needed to stop asking me because we were trying but nthing was happening. It felt as if I had told her i had a conatgious disease as she has not mentioned it at all since and looked very embarrassed adn changed the subject at the time. Since then I haven't told anyone else. I am now wondering if I have committed a taboo and this subject of infertility is so private that you don't share this with others around you. 

I can only describe my feeling about it all one way at the moment. I have ups and downs yes. But I feel like I am in a big black tunnel and there is no light anywhere. I have no idea where the light is.

I am going to start off a diary on this site. I think it is a brilliant idea and I was goign to do a paper one but now I think I will do it here. 

Anyone with any advice on the first appointment at the Rosie and what it holds please do get intouch. I am looking forwards to a long relationship with FF.

XX


----------



## JDG1 (Jun 30, 2010)

HI Fifi2222

You've definitley come to the right place - everyone on here is very supportive.
you haven't said what your test results so far have shown, so it's difficult to know what will happen at your fertility referral.

All i can say is that you are not alone, there are many many people out there going through the same thing and all happy to show you support and share there experiences.

Go with an open mind to your appointment and try to think of questions you would like to ask when  you are there. take a pen and paper so that you can write down what you are told as 
from experience, as soon as you leave your appointment everthing becomes a bit hazy  
don't be afraid to ask anything that's on your mind - the more you know the better you will feel.
good luck at your appointment and let us all know how you get on.

Take care 

J


----------



## FIFI2222 (May 13, 2011)

Thanks J. And the hug is just what I need today!

My results - absolutely fine. At the moment no reason why I shouldn't conceive naturally and DH is good too.

Will keep you posted. x


----------



## kiteflyer (May 13, 2011)

Hi Fifi2222,

I am just starting out TTC and as I am over 35 will go to the GP next month if I have no joy. How long did the test and referal take? I know your not in the same area but maybe it will give me a rough idea.

Thanks  

kiteflyer


----------



## FIFI2222 (May 13, 2011)

Hi Kiteflyer.

I read that you just joined as well and that you are TTC. Thanks for replying and even though we aren't in the same area it seems like we are at the same point in the journey. We went to our GP to say we had tried for a year about 6 weeks ago. He had to do one more blood test on me before the referral could go off. From when I had done that test to the first appointment coming through was only 2 weeks BUT the first appointment was 7 weeks away...hence 14th June. Our GP had done a sperm test on DH at 6 months which came back fine and had also done a thyroid test and another test on me via bloods then sent us away to try for 6 more months and also until I turned 35. I think if you are under 35 they can't refer for 2 years. I don't even really know the tests he did in full...I am learning far more on this subject than I ever really wanted to!!!

I read that you have been trying for 7 months and you are giving it one more month? Has your GP done any tests yet on you? They really didn't take more than a week to get the test results to be honest. How are you feelign tonight? I haven't had a particularly good day!

J x


----------



## kiteflyer (May 13, 2011)

Hi J,

I am only waiting one more month as the DP was away when I was ovulating last month. I'm not one for rushing to the doctors and as all the advice says to wait for 6 months I thought I should. I keep hoping! My GP is very good so hopefully things will go smoothly if I have to go next month.

Like you everyone else in my family apart from 2 cousins have had kids very easily I think that is the most depressing bit! I'm not feeling too bad tonight think that depends where I am in my cycle. And as cruel as it seems I'm staying away from my brother and pregnant sister in law for a bit until I can get my head straight and not get upset in front of them. I don't want to ruin it for them as they must be so excited!

K x


----------



## pinklady87 (May 2, 2011)

FIFI2222

I feel i can relate to you on this quite well. Myself and my partner recently got the news that he is infertile and we are looking at the donar sperm route. I think that although all treatments and stories from people on this site vary widely, emotions, bewilderment and utter pain are quite as much the same for everyone.

I think that honestly no one understands what your going through, and i find this very hard and extremely lonely at times. I confided in my boss from work(hoping for her empathy to allow me time off work), no, she couldnt care less. Just tells me to wait- a few years!! As for my partners mum- she says wait on doing any treatment for a few years too... (never mind waiting lists etc). Same as you, i have two nephews. My sister does know bout what were going through though but i feel guilty that my heart breaks when i look at my nephews. Making it worse my sister is currently in hospital having her third little boy! and all she does is complain!!

it almost does feel like a 'disease' when it comes to other peoples outlooks. Or it seems to be so straight forward in their minds. I felt so bitter toward people and realised how harsh people really can be.

I myself feel like i am in this on my own, also with mypartner obviously, but maybe somewhat on a different level as his guilt doesnt help situations. When i feel like i want to talk or get upset he just says hes so sorry and i deserve better which is more frustrating- that may sound harsh.

As hard as it may be, for the first time in my life i feel we are on our own but definitly feel that these types of forums do help alot. Even if it is just to put 'pen to paper' so to speak it definalty helps to get it out there

If you need to talk- im here


----------



## FIFI2222 (May 13, 2011)

Thanks Pinklady and Kiteflyer

Pinklady - I am so sorry for your partner as well. It must have been a shock for him to discover he is infertile. 

I think that the whole telling people and who you tell is quite an important thing to consider. The only people I have told and they are my parents and actually 2 people at work just dont know what to say so ignore it and it is the worst. I had a friend who I am no longer contact with now who 10 years ago couldn't conceive and has never had children since. I remember as I worked with her how she used to talk about it all the time and one thing I have thought of a lot recently is how I wish I had been more understanding and given her more time. I never realised how bad she would have felt - and I guess now I understand that. I always thought "oh she will fall in time"a and now here I am! I feel particularly bad today. I have period pains - I am due on tomorrow. I feel totally down about it all.  I can't actually imagine either how on earth I am going to cope with treatments.  

Anyway the door is open to both of you to chat whenever you feel like it. Sending you both lots of positive energy


----------



## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Hi fifi

Just a quickie as my son is about to wake up, but I noticed that you are going to the addenbooke, and there is someone else who is at the same stage as you posting re the Rosie.  If you go to the location section and go to east anglian, you'll see her new thread.  Thought it might help if you put yourself in contact with her!

Somewhere on ff there's a fantastic list of questions to ask at first appointments, can't find it just now, but send me a pm if you can't find it and I'll try and send you a link later.

All the best of luck.  You've made the best move joining ff, because there are armies of people on here who can help you through every step of your journey towards motherhood.  I've found it a godsend!

Vec x


----------



## FIFI2222 (May 13, 2011)

Hi Vec - thank you so much for your message. What a kind thing to do to let me know about the other lady at Rosie. I will go try to find her tonight. So glad that things worked out for you and you have ended up a mum. I will try and find first questions too. Thanks so much and keep intouch

J X


----------



## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Welcome to FF, FIFI2222 ! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship. It helped me a great deal throughout my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help.

Here are some links I think you may find helpful

Fertility Information Guides

click here

Here's the link to start a diary of your fertility journey

click here

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site

click here

If you look on the main forum index you will find location boards. You can find others in your area, and even people going to the same clinic who will provide invaluable advice - some groups even have meet ups.

Once you have had your initial appointment and have an idea of the treatment you might need, we can help you with further links.

I think it is really hard to talk about infertility with people if they haven't directly experienced it, as they really don't understand and don't know what they should say. So it's really good to use FF as you will always find people who have been though it and understand how you feel.

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support and information.

Pinkcat


----------

