# just had my first initial adoption visit



## bing bang (Mar 13, 2014)

It was horrible I hated it and now I feel so deflated.  She said could be back to us about approval in a month! I thought it was quicker than this. And said theres more people waiting to adopt then there is children.  Pulled my husband up on his weight. I hated it.


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## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Sorry that you've had this experience!

Why don't you try another agency? We were lucky with our first one but others try a few first.

Adoption is one big waiting game. Friends of ours were approved and matched straight away whereas we have been waiting 7 months to be matched... It's frustrating and maddening but it will all be worth it in the end.

Xx


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## Chambordcheetah (May 18, 2014)

What Marley49 said.

We are talking to our Local Authority and a Voluntary Agency and already we are picking up big differences between them in terms of efficiency and enthusiasm!

If you have spoken to LA, contact your adjoining LAs. You have got to feel comfortable with the person representing you.

And, as for the weight thing, tell him to brush it off, enrol at a slimming class and then meet it head on next time i.e. I have identified that I am carrying some extra weight so, as a first step, would like to trim down before a little one comes along.

I'm sorry your first experience was negative but dust yourself and carry on if this is what you guys want.

That agency does not sound like the right fit for you but there will be one out there xxx


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## Chambordcheetah (May 18, 2014)

What Marley49 said.

We are talking to our Local Authority and a Voluntary Agency and already we are picking up big differences between them in terms of efficiency and enthusiasm!

If you have spoken to LA, contact your adjoining LAs. You have got to feel comfortable with the person representing you.

And, as for the weight thing, tell him to brush it off, enrol at a slimming class and then meet it head on next time i.e. I have identified that I am carrying some extra weight so, as a first step, would like to trim down before a little one comes along.

I'm sorry your first experience was negative but dust yourself and carry on if this is what you guys want.

That agency does not sound like the right fit for you but there will be one out there xxx


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

I echo the above & would just add that I don't believe the 'more adopters than children' comment for a minute. It 'may' be the case in that LA but not nationally. I urge you to speak to neighbouring LA's & VA's in your area.

Good luck!

x


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## bing bang (Mar 13, 2014)

Thankyou for replies. I think I may contact other agencies around me. Its silly as they make you feellike you are an inconvenience


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## pinkblossom (May 24, 2014)

I know how you feel bing bang. A previous agency made us feel unwanted and were so cold and unfriendly. Believe me there are better ones out there. Good luck xxx


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## millie:) (Feb 12, 2013)

I agree with others our first la was not nice and we only made telephone enquiries were rude and cold the second agency was wonderful and have got us through the adoption process beautifully x they were fab x phone around and go to a few agencies until one feels right x good luck


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## pringle (Jun 7, 2011)

My dh and I have been trying to adopt for 18 months and always got brushed off by our la. I didnt get past information evening and telephone calls. 

2 weeks ago we went to a va information evening and I'm now in stage one, had home visit, references have been sent out, dbs are being done and medicals booked, things are moving very quickly so I agree try other la or va. 

Pringle x


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## pringle (Jun 7, 2011)

My dh and I have been trying to adopt for 18 months and always got brushed off by our la. I didnt get past information evening and telephone calls. 

2 weeks ago we went to a va information evening and I'm now in stage one, had home visit, references have been sent out, dbs are being done and medicals booked, things are moving very quickly so I agree try other la or va. 

Pringle x


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## dreamingofabettertime (Jun 12, 2012)

Now then my first advice is breathe.............here's the secret about first visits, the first meeting is the test.....are you tough enough to continue, are you committed, can you cope with all the questions, what questions will make you twitch etc??
What you need to do is stop, take account of what has been said and then focus on what you want, you will need a coping strategy for when the SW comes again. I can tell you now it is worth it.

Our first visit (nearly two years ago) left us weeping and we thought we would have to stop especially as the SW assessor told us there were no babies and we should have a teenager. So after we pulled our heads back in and I ate a very large bar of chocolate we told each other that we were going to prove them wrong and were determined to get what we wanted. 

I sit now with a 19 mth old (who we adopted at 6.5 mths and now a full sibling baby who came to us at 4 days old!! So my message to you is go and buy a bar of chocolate, stop worrying and get some fight in you as if you want it bad enough it will happen for you. You will need to be organised and do all the paperwork, respond to SW emails quickly and pester them for answers...never give up your dream XXXXXXX Do ask if you need any help.


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

I agree with above. 
I was devastated after our first visit, but I have definitely come to the conclusion it was a test - we were picked up in weight, house being too clean (really) and were told there are no babies, they are choosy about who they accept and so on.

We dug our heels in and stuck with them, and we are now approved. From meeting 2 (which I was dreading) their attitude changed immensely which made  me think they were only trying to see how commuted we are, and what we can deal with.

It's a difficult journey, and they need it pluck the weak from the strong. They tested us in waiting around - which in hindsight was the start of a 10 month constant wait for something lol.

That said, if you enquire with neighbouring agencies you have nothing to lose. Good luck, I hope everything works out fab for you... ❤


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## bing bang (Mar 13, 2014)

Thankyou very much that has made me feel loads better. Its so hard to see past this bit. But once we know if we are exepted weI will be 100 percent up for what ever else they throw at us. Just got to keep reminding myself what I will be achieving at the end


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