# Infertility - What is God's View? (Christian post)



## Attie

Just wondering what others think about God's view of our attempts to overcome fertility problems?  

There seem to be so many aspects:

- Is infertility a sign that God did not want us to have our own children or just a sign of an imperfect world, like cancer in a young person?

- Are the treatments we undergo offensive to God?  With IVF so many embryos are created with each cycle and most are discarded - if life begins at conception this means each cycle involves discarding many lives.  With ICSI the embryologist decides which sperm to inject into the egg rather than the sperm competing - are they stopping God decide which sperm will be used for the embryo?

- Do you feel a true call from God to undergo fertility treatment?  I truly felt this last summer, but it was unsuccessful, so was I wrong?

- What about adoption?  Has anyone felt truly called by God to adopt but failed the social services assessment?  If so, did you give up or did you try adopting from overseas?  How do you feel now?

So much to think about!  I'd love to hear your views.

Attie


----------



## bobo66

Hello Attie,

I have spent quite a lot of time wishing and asking God to give us children - here are some thoughts from me.

The idea that I might not be 'good enough' in some sense to be a mother or to keep 'bothering the doctors for fertility treatment' is a common theme for me and I suspect for quite a lot of us, but I don't take infertility as a sign from God that I shouldn't have children. I can't reconcile that idea with the loving God who is with me always and whose presence with me I'm aware of when I stop ignoring him or thinking I can cope in my own strength. Today's Gospel at my church was about the raising of Lazarus with the famous "Jesus wept" sentence which is the shortest in the New Testament and I think mighty powerful. My take is that God is with us and weeps with us in our grief and our fragility.

If fertility treatment is about enabling us to be fruitful I don't see how that can be offensive to God who loves us so much and wants to see us being fruitful in whatever form that might take. I see fertility treatment as one way of drawing on the love of God as expressed in the knowledge and expertise and care of scientists and health professionals. Having said that, I am uncomfortable about 'spare' embryos on the basis of the sanctity of all life. I don't worry about ICSI as taking away God's choice about which sperm fertilises as there is no guarantee it will fertilise, and I think God is so big and so powerful that such a thing couldn't lessen his power.

I felt a call to motherhood but I was working through another calling at the time (which has now borne fruit) so for a while I felt called to put fertility treatment on one side and I'm now trying to discern how these two callings fit together. So I think calling is complex and evolving and often involves God directing us towards a focus and we have to work out (with God's help) the best route to do God's will. For me, there is rarely as much clarity as I would like from God. (In some ways, I would so like the clarity of God texting me with what to do but it rarely works like that - and if it did, I suspect the truth might be more than I could bear) Do others get more clarity? I don't think God wants us to suffer (like I said I'm very aware of the weeping Jesus) but I think with God's help we can learn huge amounts when things don't work out how we hope and pray for. 

What do you and other think about this?

Xx


----------



## Attie

Hello Bobo,

Thanks for your reply.  I agree and empathise.  With hindsight I was also following what I now see clearly was a calling to train in a new career and although it didn't delay us trying for a child naturally it did delay us seeking formal fertility treatment and that delay (in my early 40s) is what has caused us to come unstuck.  

How nice to think of the phrase "Jesus wept" in this context.  At church I am surrounded by extremely fertile families, including many ivf families who now have three or four children, so it's almost impossible for me to even voice my sadness there.

Thanks again for your response.

Attie xx


----------

