# advice please on how can I really 'switch off' between tx?



## MrsIVF (Feb 15, 2011)

Hiya,

We have just had a second failed FET and have decided to take a break from tx till next year.  We have lots of positive things happening to us at the moment all unrelated to IF which is brilliant and are both starting to gain more confidence in ourselves after an intense year of failed IVF treatments.  We really want to maximise this break, rediscovering us 'pre IF' before we embark on the next round but IF is never far from our minds.  My question is: how can I switch off completley to all the desparate hope I have each month, calculating am I, am I not pregnant, despite the likelyhood of us conceiving naturally is pretty much zero.  Am I the only sad one who does this?  

xx


----------



## louise36 (May 18, 2010)

Hey Mrsivf

Youre not the only one who does that! Me too me too! I pretty much know its never going to happen for us, yet somewhere in a dark corner of my mind I allow myself a tiny thought of what if this month......and then the witch arrives and tells me how foolish I am and who I am trying to kid.  I think its hard because everything feels OK, things feel like they should work but unfortunatley they dont and each month I have the same conversation with myself.  For me I have had to give myself some tough love that its not going to happen as hard as that has been for me to accept I know I have to or I wont ever move on

It sounds good that you have positive things hapening to take your mind off the dreaded IVF.  I think that is the best thing to do inbetween, go out have a few drinks, go away if you can, enjoy yourselves like im sure you did before.

xxx


----------



## MrsIVF (Feb 15, 2011)

Hi Louise36,

Thank you for your reply.    It is nice to know that others also have the same internal conversations!  Will definitely try the tough love thing with myself, I will need to to enjoy the next few months before we go again on the old ICSI.

xxx


----------



## DaisyDee (Nov 2, 2009)

Hi MrsIVF
I think if we had the answer to your question we would be onto a major winner!  We are also taking the rest of this year off before deciding on which path to chose (Donor Egg or one last ICSI??).  If we werent moving house I think I would go stir crazy!  Every month is another disappointment even though our chances too are very low.  You just cant help but hope!  And I am always so irritated with myself when AF arrives and I feel sad/angry....because I should have known!     


However we are doing a lot of weekend trips away - exploring the lovely UK countryside and going out for nice meals, theatre etc etc.  We also joined the local climbing club and we go away with them so we trying to keep busy and this helps.


You certainly not the only one who hopes each month!  


I just think the best thing is to keep busy.


Take care   
DD


----------



## lemonandginger (Aug 13, 2010)

Hi

I can empathise with your situation. I often feel each month i grieve for the child that isn't to be.

one of the things that has helped me, is to do a pg test at day 27. I have a fairly regular cycle. I think it helps me move on, rather than waiting for my AF. Although, if I have a long cycle such as a 31 days I do start to get a few false hopes.

like everyone else, I book nice things to do around the time I'm due on. Things that I couldn't do if I had children or was pg. So Alton towers, Cocktail making classes etc. It's just working out what I can do right now to help and sometimes that is just lying on the bed and feeling sorry for myself, rather than distracting stuff. It can help to think ok, pg test then 30 mins being upset and then i will .....[insert kind activity here]


----------



## MrsIVF (Feb 15, 2011)

Hi Ladies, 

Thank you for your replys.  

DasiyDee,  We too have just moved house so my mind has completely been taken off all things IF!  Still surrounded by mountains of boxes that are slowly being unpacked.  We too try and stay busy at the weekends, but does feel quite hard when lots of our friends have or are having babies, all thankfully are very sympathetic and lovely about our journey.

Lemonandginger, good idea about the pg test, my periods are a bit irregular and vary by about 10 days so probably would not work for me!

We just had our follow up consultation with the clinic and our consultant was very positive that IVF will work for us, which I think has taken the pressure off for the monthly cycle.  

Also this website is brilliant for things just like this!  It really is good to know that other's know exactly what you're going through and can really relate.

xxx


----------



## Little-Lee (Jan 1, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

If only we could switch off - my life seems to revolve around having a baby! 
I got married last year moved house & went on holiday but it still didn't work I just can not stop thinking about be pg  

Infact I stress that much I have decided to blame that for our tx not working as the dostors do say stress can be a part of it!

One day we will all have our beautiful babies thought    

xxx


----------



## MrsIVF (Feb 15, 2011)

Hi Little-Lee,

IVF is a rollercoaster and very stressful!  A friend recommended looking at Alice Domar's work, I ended up buying her book Conquering Infertility.  It contains lots of different casestudies I could relate to but best of all had a whole section on a toolbox of coping skills, lots of exercises that help reduce stress - it really helped me!  A lot of them only take a couple of minutes which I have used everywhere - including being stuck in shopping queues behind a mum-to-be with a very big bump or mum's with new borns, very handy when it all becomes a bit overwhelming - it has meant I can still keep my dignity and not become a jibbering wreak! 

 it will be our turn one day!
xx


----------



## Little-Lee (Jan 1, 2011)

thanks for the reply MrsIVF - I will have a look at what you mentioned  

I will try anything to help not stress  
xxxx


----------



## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Hello Girls ,

Can I join the club too?! I have read through your posts and totally get where your all coming from. Part of me always wants to rush into another tx attempt and another part of me wants to take some time off and get away! In January of this year we went to our clinic to tell them we wouldn't be having anymore tx for a year or two as we had decided to go travelling round OZ. Well our consultant was no happy with that - he was concerned that I already have a low ovarien reserve so a couple of years out could make a huge impact on future IVF working. Well that was a slap in the face! Came crashing down to earth with a bang! So needless to say I had to continue on the tx road. I find once I'm on it - its all i think about, nothing else matters and when this last try didn't work out I just felt so cheated! 
So we are having 1 more go this year - a full go at ICSI, if it doesn't work I do believe we will have to wave our white flag. I can't let my whole life be consumed be this. This is our 3rd year of trying and I feel sick to the back teeth of it all.
To help ease the waiting between treatments we have decided to get a puppy, we are getting him next week! I am hoping he will fill a tiny part of my empty heart and provide a much needed distraction from the agonising wait to start tx. I have a cat but a dog will need much more care and training and I can't wait to sink my teeth into something that has nothing to do with babies, tx or bumps!
It's a hard slog girls but surely our turns just around the corner!?!  
Wishing you all luck


----------



## MrsIVF (Feb 15, 2011)

Hi Lollipops,

Welcome aboard! 

Sorry to hear about your ovarian reserve.  It's amazing how much rubbish our bodies can keep throwing at us when we least expect it. 
My DH sees how all consuming IVF is for me, but for him, although he totally gets it all, is still able to detatch, maybe because it is all a bit less invasive for them physically?  whatever, it would still be nice to switch off from it all some time!

Getting a puppy sounds like a really good plan! A big bundle of waggly tail fun.  

xx


----------

