# How to cope with limbo?!



## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Evening ladies and gents!

Hope everyone is okay. Just looking for some general advice. DH and I have finished our Hs and are now waiting for Panel in October... Any one else feel/felt like they are in limbo at this point? Our date got pushed back due to paperwork not being complete. We're trying to keep busy finishing off some DIY projects and going on a mini-holiday, but I'm going out of my mind waiting! the worse thing is I work from home so tend to be on my own most of the day!

Any advice on how to keep sane?

Jes

xx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello jes.  We are in the same boat - we've finished hs and waiting for par to be done before sw tells us which panel we are going to.  It is driving me crazy not knowing when our panel date will be - hoping for sept but may be oct if everything not done within the next 2 weeks.  It is really difficult and I feel like my work is really suffering because I can't concentrate on it, so no pearls of wisdom I'm afraid but sending a big hug as I know what you're going through.


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

it is awful ours was pushed back as well, but 4 months after AP our kids were home, matching happened that quick


i busied myself with getting the house ready and started on our family book which the kids still go back to now - you could make a start - I made it neutral with lots of embellishments to simulate - it depends on the age you are lokking for we were approved for 0-7yrs


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## Cupcakekisses (Jul 9, 2013)

Hi JesP I second what Jules said about starting odd bits and bobs in the house to get prepared, nothing too major but you'll be bound to find some painting to do somewhere  

We felt like you three months ago, like it was going to take a lifetime to arrive at panel but we are now three days away and it has flown. Starting work on the family book is always a great subject to pass time, we got a lovely 'scrap book' that us gender neutral from boots with an elephant on the front (hoping to be approved for 2 under 3yo) and we've been planning ideas for nurseries, researching prams, car seats etc. 

It's a horrible time sat in limbo but honestly it will go quicker than you anticipate, researching attachment/bonds/theraplay all helped me too as well as the 'normal' parenting such as weening and potty training. Most of all enjoy your time together now, Im starting to wish we had booked a mini break somewhere  

Oh and finally, if you haven't discovered Pinterest go do it now, it's brilliant for pinning all kinds of kiddy ideas, literally everything possible has a pin! 

Limbo hugs


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Jesp

Limbo...it's the worst! I agree with the others, keep busy. Decorate, do those little jobs that need doing...and enjoy this bit. I absolutely mean that! Drink a bottle or two, go out, take mini-breaks, have afternoon naps because I promise you the times flies and suddenly you're a parent. I used to HATE it when people said that to me, thinking 'I'm fine, I just want to be a parent' ...and I did, and I am, and yes it's wonderful but you can't switch it off once it happens so plan lots of lovely, self-indulgent things between now and panel to keep busy because you will say 'I'm so glad we did that whilst we could...'   

And the scrapbook idea is lovely - I started completing LO's with what I knew / could say i.e. our part of the journey before she came ....she's been home 7 weeks and I've not got near it since. I'm glad I did a lot of it then.

How about keeping busy planning stuff for the age range LO will be in? So plan meals, outings etc....I did loads of product research to find the best sippy cup or bib or high chair etc! 

It will fly, that much I know! The bit that dragged for me was post-panel waiting for our match.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

We were approved on the 18th July, and apart from receiving the ratification certificate on the 31st July, we haven't heard a squeak from the agency.
It will be 4 weeks on Thursday so I'll be sending a quick email to ask when our SW will be visiting - we got a new one after panel and she hasn't done a home visit yet, and only really knows us from our PAR.

We spent yesterday visiting Ikea and getting ideas on wardrobes, beds and storage ideas, and then we bought our first major item from eBay earlier today, a toddler bed, but as it was under £7 we thought it was worth a go.

We are having a romantic weekend away next weekend for our anniversary which should take our minds off things, but it's really hard just waiting.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Bless you pauliboo and jesp, use this time as the others have said getting bit and bobs done around the home, maybe starting a neutral style nursery that you can make blue or pink when you know or make it unisex. Also spend lots of time as a couple as you won't have a lot of it when you get your little one or ones home.


Remember to look after yourselfs and enjoy your free time while you still have it.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Thanks Macgyver,

We are hoping to do our nursery in September, as we will have guests staying at the end of August so we're unable to touch the room yet  

Luckily we have been approved for a girl so we know which colour we are going for    we just need to make it tasteful for the full age range, I'm collecting her bed this afternoon which is rather exciting.

Bits and Bobs are definitely going to get done, we have a few to do.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Our limbo isn't at the same stage as yours but we're waiting for prep day in November as thats the next available one they had! Just feel like we're forever waiting!! We are meeting up with friends alot and doing DIY jobs and doing things we won't be able to do once we have our lo  

xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi Kimmie,

You could make a start on the HS questions if you're sat waiting, I would suggest doing an Ecomap and Family Tree as they can be time consuming, take a look at mine for an example https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Ecomap_Complete_Full_Example.docx (this will be a minimum of 7 pages long!) - names and places have been changed for confidentiality.

Oh, and read adoption books, lots of adoption books, especially attachment disorder related ones - use your local library and order them in from there, it should save the pennies for more important things.

Have fun x


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

my suggestion might be an unusual one, and certainly not adoption related, but we waited 10 months for a match, then this long to start intros, so doing life story books and similar for me would have driven me bananas...

so instead i decided to take up running. i did c25k, the c210k, and have done three 10k and a ten mile race so far.

we hope to take our LO to parkrun every saturday and take it in turns to run it, and maybe when he's old enough, he can do junior parkrun   

anywya, i'm pretty proud of myself for doing this, as this time last year i could barely run 200 metres. and its certainly taken my mind off things


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

I daren't do kid related things round the house until after the hoped for panel approval!
But I've written a big list to hit the ground running on in sept -  
We finished hs in June and go to panel end of aug. 
thankfully had a fortnight in france in July which has really helped eat up the weeks.
I feel I should spend the time researching possible conditions and behaviours... But instead I'm lurking about on intro threads here- much more uplifting! 
Good luck with surviving limbo all.
Gettina


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

I feel the same at moment. Finished home study months ago but delay with getting par (getting it on Thursday). Have panel on Sept 16th which seems a lifetime away. Would love to start nursery but if a girl want to do it really girly and blue for a boy. Wishing my life away at moment.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies!

Turns out I'm going to have a busy week as SW is completing our PAR so I keep getting emails to finish bits off.

Our nursery has been done a while, purely because it was my office and was in need of a major refit, new electrics, plumbing etc. So we decided that while we were doing it we would make it suitable for a nursery. 

Jes
xx


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Paul - thank you so much for that, we have decided to do something once a week in preperation of everything properly starting in November and you have given us something we can really get our teeth stuck into!! 

We already have some books that were recommended at our initial visit that my husband bought straight away - just got to pick them up and start reading them! 

xx


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## Ipswichbabe (May 17, 2005)

Hi Jes, We feel like we are in limbo too. We had end of h/s in June and Panel in July. Which we passed, and now our wait to find a child is like limbo. I think everyone family & freinds assumed we would get a child straight away. We have looked at some profiles, but waiting for s/w to get back is so slow. So we wait!!!
These s/w's are so busy, i phone, i get voice mail, they call me back 3 days later, get my voice mail, and its goes on like that..... i email, i get auto out of office reply. Very fraustrating. And all the time our child is out there, waiting for us too...... arghh!!!
In the mean time we are enjoying our peace and quite, and doing things we wont be able to do once LO arrives, booked an over seas holiday, having lazy lay in, and also doing all the DIY jobs around the house, have painted LO's room and had new carpets put down. 
We started TTC in Dec 2001. So well and truly used to waiting...... i can see the light at the end now, so i am happy to wait!! 
Hope you find something to do between now and Oct, and good luck for Panel xx  x


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

Ipswich babe......you should read my blog, I swear we must have the same social worker at Suffolk Adoption! 

Anyone have any advice for 'top heavy' runners. would love to start but have no idea....


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Katie C
Yes great idea. 
I've just signed up to do a marathon next year to keep me busy. I'm hoping it will be the last chance I get for a loooong time  

Also love parkrun, it's ace isn't it? Would lob LOs who like running but DH isn't a runner so will be ok if they aren't keen either. 

Just hope my shin splints don't make an appearance this time  

To everyone else, would recommend this or some other unrelated activity to combat limbo. Also gets you super fit to chase around after LOs 
Will be last chance for a long while to do something you always fancied. 

Good luck everyone waiting xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I trained and did a half marathon while doing our 6 month post treatment wait for prep.  Was a brilliant thing for me.  I also painted every room in the house and today I start on the wood work. Slightly concerned I will collapse from exhaustion but it keeps me sane. Plus I figure we won't be able to do these things when children are placed.  Fumes drying times money etc x x


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

GoofyGirl said:


> Also love parkrun, it's ace isn't it? Would lob LOs who like running but DH isn't a runner so will be ok if they aren't keen either.


I'm hoping that if he enjoys being in a running buggy we can run with him. we've been given a double running buggy for free, so will try that and if he likes it, i'll get a single one.

Our parkrun is so hilly though so we'll see! it'll definitely be a workout! Otherwise one of us will marshall with him in his buggy (nothing too challenging like timing just on the course) while the other runs


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Ally Wally - solution for top heavy running -  a bloody good sports bra! haha! Only way I can cope with excercise  

My husband is training for a 10k in September so thats keeping him busy and we both go to the gym alot - my theory being that I need to be as fit as possible to run after little ones!! 

xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Ally Wally
Yes agree - good sports bra. I have level 4 impact bras and my bosom is going nowhere in them! I'm not massively gifted in that area but they come in good range of sizes 

Love the idea of running buggy actually Katie. Hadn't thought of that!! Have seen other people with them.


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

well girls...you have inspired me as.... last night i went out for my first run (and sans sports bra!) let's put it this way...there was ALOT of plodding, boob bouncing huffing and puffing and oh did i mention the red turkey face? and it was only 20 min!! but you know what..even though everything aches today, i felt amazing for doing it. thanks girls for the inspiration...i need to be fit to be running after a little one.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Well done you it's so hard at the start I could hardly run at all but your body learns so fast. Keep at it Ally. Plus it's cheap and has no commute time perfect exercise for a mummy x x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Good going Ally. 20 mins is great for first outing. Don't delay in purchasing a proper bra though, you won't regret it 
My face still goes bright red every time and I've been running a while!!  

Hope you keep it up


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

You're all mad!!!  
I'm enjoying watching lots of films. My sister who's a new mum can't believe how she can't get more than about 15 mins of TV in one sitting nowadays.
X


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Haha like it Gettina!
Make the most while you can


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Well done Ally!! I stopped running as I hurt my back so use a machine called the wave - its like your skating, my hubby calls it the wobble machine as bums and boobs wobble alot when you do it! haha! Although he doesn't mind  

xx


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

hey, i know all about the wobbling! eveything aches even more today but i've splashed out and invested in some running shoes. really looking forward to my next run. 

thanks girls xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Decent foot ware makes a huge difference x  x


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

We are also in limbo but for a different reason.  its very frustrating as although we have been approved at panel we cannot go any further at the moment as I am waiting to have a hysterectomy!!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Ah good luck Pyjamas.   Hope it comes around soon and your recovery is speedy!


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