# 1 sleep before I find out my 6th treatment failed



## dochasach (Aug 4, 2014)

Hi this is probably the gloomiest intro ever. 
I head in 9 am for my HCG blood test to see if the most recent cycle worked. Sadly I already am pretty sure our 6th attempt has not, have all the nasty symptoms I get before my period- night sweats, crankiness, my voice cracks and my neck is hard to control (I have a humiliating disease called dystonia (from sane family as Parkinson's) it affects my neck and torso- I'm twisted and my head twists to the left- painful, but mostly humiliating. Just before my period it flares up- which it was all day.

Sadly I don't need a test to know it's failed again my twisted body does it for me. Why can't I be normal. 

My marriage which was fantastic seems to be under strain and in trouble.
Financially we've put out dreams of buying a house on hold to fund this and we're now €35,000 under.

I need support this time can't face this bad news tomorrow on my own. Haven't told family or friends. My family is highly critical and unsupportive, I avoid them. 

We are out of options after this- no cash till we saved and I'm not sure I want to invest more into something that's not working


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Dochasach I really hope you can come back tomm with diff news thatn you predict 

I'm particularly saddened tho that you feel humiliated by a condition that you have no control over that must be very hard for you dealing with the physical side of your condition 

I really hope good things tomm and also your marriage can heal thru this, don't be too hard on yourself whatever the outcome x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

btw please share some background ie: reason for infertility, donor egg or own egg IVF?  that way others can offer support and suggestions and more importantly hope x ps do you know reasons your previous cycles failed??


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## Offthewall (Apr 28, 2013)

Dochasach - please hold onto hope that your treatment worked this time.

We all know that early pregnancy symptoms mimic the dreaded AF ones. Praying that you get your long awaited BFP.

I can sympathise as we too have spent around £30K on IVF - which we planned to use as a deposit on a house. 

I have the opposite problem with friends and family 'though, in that whilst they mean well, they're always asking for updates on our treatment. When cycles have failed, having to update them all just adds to the stress.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck tomorrow. Remember us FF members are always here for support  

Offthewall xx


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## dochasach (Aug 4, 2014)

Thanks guys- insomnia tonight! Sorry for being so down- bad day. Visited Aunt in hospital, my sister (with 3 kids) gossiping and looking down on two cousins wives who can't have kids and failed fertility treatments- I've never mentioned mine as I know she'd use it to put me down- told her I don't want any to throw her off scent- think she suspects so keeps bringing up others fertility struggles!
To make it worse I'm fairly sure from last night I've all the signs of Progesterone dropping before period- voice cracks, night sweats and dystonia flares .
Feel like because of my age and woeful AMH that we're out of time and options and soon money.


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thinking of you this morning dochasach xxx

I only went in for an HCG test on my last try and I remember the crushing wait.  Keeping everything crossed for you that you get some wonderful news but waiting with big shoulders if you find that you need one to cry on.  I really, really hope that it goes well for you.

My marriage has been through hell too, I don't think that many of us come out unscathed by it all.  It takes a hell of a lot of work and patience to come back from it.  You are still together, just like us, going through the worst thing that you can experience and not giving up.  That speaks volumes lovely.

It's hard to carry on when your body tells you that it's not a success, I remember that very well.  Your dystonia must make it incredibly difficult for you lovely.  I can't pretend to understand how hard it must be for you when you get flare ups but my Mum has progressed Parkinsons so I do send you an extra special huge   x


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## dochasach (Aug 4, 2014)

Hi Molly thanks so much for your words of support. Unfortunately as expected it's a negative- no reading at all. Feel like it's the end of the road for us. set up an appointment with napro who try to get you pregnant without ivf- improving your chances of conceiving with one egg- which was all ivf ever offered me anyway- may as well try this before throwing in the towel.

Feel crushed and upset don't know what to do from here


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Dochasach

  

I'm not sure what you've had a chance to look at on here already, but there is a thread below that may be helpful

Our Negative cycle area CLICK HERE has information and support for those who've had BFNs and are in-between treatment

If you are able to share a bit more information about your IVF cycles we may be able to direct you to some boards with more specific information.

KA xxx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi Dochasach

Welcome to FF.  So sorry to hear that this cycle failed.  Sending you the hugest of cyberhugs.

Sue


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

I'm so, so sorry Dochasach.  I know that you must be feeling devastated and that a hug won't even scratch the surface but sending you the biggest   that I can.

I've never heard of Napro but it is great that you have something that you can plan for.  I know the void of nothingness when it's the end of the road is just horrendous, I'm trying to calm down my TTC naturally now but secretly I have to keep going because I just have to have something.

Wishing you all the luck in the world and a chance to breathe out and take care of yourself xxx


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## dochasach (Aug 4, 2014)

thank you so much for all the words of support- i'm getting better at picking up and putting it behind me.
we're going to give napro a go- apparently they have a good success rate with low amh- saw a powerpoint of theirs on treating low amh and to be honest their approach made more sense than ivf -will give it six months and if i doesn't work then we'll need to decide next steps.  it's also alot cheaper than ivf and has worked on people with repeated ivf failures, so we can save up in case for last cycle if we need one while still trying.
for anyone interested i googled 'phil boyle-low amh' and saw his powerpoint on it- he's a napro doctor here (there is a napro in the uk too)- they do have some weird christian thing as they're meant to be against ivf and believe in fixing whats wrong- to be  honest im not religious at all- but if they can do what they say i'll sign up for treatment even if they send me meditating on rocks!
thanks again for the support


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