# Is someone trying to tell me to give up and be happy with my lot ?



## sanfrancisco (May 15, 2010)

Just need some advice,feeling fed up and don't know where to turn.I have posted before, but briefly our history is that we had ds after 1st ivf 

attempt 2 1/2 years ago.Initially diagnosed with male factor but sperm good enough on the day for ivf,so had secretly and naively thought that no2 

would probably follow naturally 

Roll on 2 1/2 years and not even a sniff of pregnancy!!

The reason for the subject is that I really do feel that someone is telling us to give up and we are only and were always meant to have one

child,even me and dh only have 1 child on our hand  lifeline   honest!!Why I feel like this is that there are just so many obstacles with 

every cycle that we do now. To start with I breastfed ds for much longer than I had planned(which I don't regret)had to wait 3 months to wait for

a fet,then was told that funding was changing so we may be entitled to a free fet and that a decision would be made in the next few months so

to hang on.Great we thought,save a few pennies Roll on a few months,no funding so start a medicated fet(better due to b/f so consultant said)

This lasted for bloody ages.Week before transfer became r eally poorly with a severe chest infection,tried everything to get better,but fet 

cancelled on day of transfer as my temperature was too high,I was diagnosed with pneumonia.Roll on few months again,see the consultant to

ask if maybe I can start a fresh cycle as nearly 38 and panicking a bit,no way he says,you have a much better chance with frosties than with your

older eggs.Roll on again,natural fet this time,1 of 5 defrosts 

Now 38,fresh cycle commences,they give me a completely different drug to my 1st cycle,I query it but they say it's the same thing,I google it,it is NOT Anyway I carry on.Get 11 eggs,9 embryos,2 grade 1 8 cell transferred on day 3,I say transferred,well sort of 2 nurses and 1 consultant took 2 hours to transfer my embryos.

Rollon again,follow up good,nice embryos,definitely have another go,but mock transfer before next cycle.Work in maternity services so mentioned to one of the docs about my failed cycle,he does a hsg just to make sure there are no problems with tubes etc,thyroid function revealed hypothyroidism,need to get bloods tip top for next cycle which takes 6 months.

Nearly 39,start another fresh cycle,mock transfer great,no problems,15 eggs,11 embryos(used the drugs used for my 1st successful ivf)
2 beatiful top grade blastocysts,embryologist trying to persuade us to put 1 in on the day due to their high quality,60% chance of success etc,everyone really pleased for us etcdecided to gowith 2,twins would be fine Transfer went wrong again  Rang clinic upwith my bfn and they said I'm need an op before next cycle(3 frosties on ice)
Follow up with a different consultant(don't know why) and he says that transfer is a big problem but the main problem is my age and the embryos are probably abnormal.Discuss immune issues associated with thyroid,load of rubbish he says My highest fsh ever has been 8,never had amh checked,but I presume it is fine as I have never had less than 11 eggs retrieved.I asked him why we are infertile,about my husbands sperm quality etc,he says sperm is fine(without looking at the notes,it was obvious that he had never read the notes)and that it is my age,tried to tell him that I could'nt concieve at 33 and at that time it was obviously not my age so wondered if I may have something wrong with me,he did'nt listen!
Got date to see another consultant for cervical dilatation op today,initial consultation september,op november,start fet december,transfer february,40 years old july!!!!!!!!!!!

And that is it in a nutshell! sorry to go on but think I needed to get my feelings and frustrations down.I feel like having the hysteroscopy with them but having a fresh cycle in another clinic as I don't think the blastocyst they froze are brilliant,and another part of me thinks do the fet and then put an end to treatment as I will be 40 and vowed I would stop at 40.What do you think ladies,is someone telling me to stop and be happy with my lot?

Phew just read my post,it's epic,sorry to bore you,any advice,positive or negative appreciated


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi San,

It does sound like so many barriers have been thrown up at you, that I not surprised you feel like you do.  Personally I think the decision when to stop is so hard and it must only be when you feel that emotionally or physically you can't do it anymore.

I am 38 yrs old in January and I have already made a decision to stop at 40 with fertility treatment or TTC naturally.  

I have a wonderful son who is my world, so deep down I know I am better off then some people.  I just hate the thought of him being an only child, so we may look in to adopting a slightly older child.

It is really hard and I hope that you can make the right decision for you and your family.

Good luck.
x


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## KG (Jan 13, 2007)

Hi, what you are feeling is something I have felt at lots of times in the past year. I had my first son from my first ever IUI, and whilst it didn't feel easy at the time, compared to ttc no 2 it was a breeze. Our first IUI for no 2 ended in a missed miscarriage, our second landed me in A&E, and our third is, fingers crossed successful, although so far it hasn't been the easiest pregnancy. I often felt someone was trying to tell us something and I too decided to stop trying at 40. However, with timings, this would have mean calling a halt just before we got to our first cycle, I was on my 2 ww on my 40 th birthday. Also, turning 40 seemed a big enough hurdle without it also being the enormity of ending our family plans. However, I was desperate for closure, one way or another, so in the end we decided we would try a total of 4 cycles and that would be it, baby or no baby. It helped no end to have an end point in mind. I couldn't go on indefinitely.

Hopefully writing it down is a help to you in itself. Its such a hard decision, some people have a much greater capacity to go on trying than I do, and although I don't have any real answers for you, as it's such a personal thing, I hope that hearing how others have felt will help a bit.

Take care,
Kx


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## sanfrancisco (May 15, 2010)

Thank you for your replies ladies,much appreciated.

KG-I noted you have had iui,this has never been offered to us,but I wonder whether it may be worth asking about it.DS sperm was initially a problem,but we have never needed icsi so I assume it is only a mild problem,just enough to stop us concieving naturally.I always respond well to meds and have regular cycles with regular ovulation(I think)What quality of egg I ovulate is however a different matter!!!!What is the reason for your infertility if you don't mind me asking.xx


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