# the long wait before even seeing a consultant!



## cookbunk (Oct 20, 2013)

Hi ladies, extremely new to this but thank god I found you. I've managed to be able to de stress reading through some of these posts 
Just wondering how long will I be waiting before anything starts to happen. 
Been not using contraception for 9 yrs however we wasnt actively trying. So after getting married and  actually trying for nearly a yr we went to the gps Feb 2012, we had the usual done swabs for **** and stds and were told keep trying for six months. 
Returned to gp in July seen a locum who referred for hormone profiling and sperm tests. 
Blood tests were repeated in Sept and came bk "normal" but as my initial test did not show ovulation occurred I was referred for ultra sound to check for pcos. 
Jan 13 we had the scan and was told normal and we were to be referred to clinic. 
June 2013 we went into our local hospital for an app to see what we thought would have been a consultant, it wasn't it was a nurse checking our history weight etc. She pointed out tho the gp had only done day 21 bloods  missing day 3 bloods and they need to be repeated we also told that only then we were put forward to clinic. 
Had an app booked for Oct which they cancelled two days before us going and it was moved to Dec. Then that cancelled to Jan.
So nearly two yrs have gone by before we actually spk to a doctor? 
Can anyone tell me if they have the same experience ? My husband and I would have paid private had we known. And I'm thinking of paying to see if someone can explain our test results. 
Feel like giving up already and my husband is worse than me
Any help will be greatly appreciated


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

you haven't said how old you are, the older, more likely that you should go private asap. having seen a gp in an august it was the following january before a consultant told us we were too old to get nhs help and that we needed to go straight to ivf. the nhs don't care whose time they waste but every year that goes by when someone is struggling ttc is a year they won't be spending with their child... don't accept being fobbed off with waiting for basic information. check cut off ages/ situations in your area, hassle your gp to find out or try and speak to the hospital... make sure if you are waiting it is for actual treatment not just to be told you are too old....if you can't get the answers you need then go private. good luck.


----------



## cookbunk (Oct 20, 2013)

I am 31 and my husband is 32. Thank you for replying so soon. I can see on here that we are all in the same boat and I am incredibly sorry that you were treated so badly. 
For us the frustration comes from not knowing anything. We went to open night at crgw but felt out of place as they were discussing things that we we had no knowledge of. Tbh I just need to know what if anythinh is the problem.
Ladies isnt there some sort of max waiting time?
The app side has been a nightmare if someone had sad it would be nearly two yrs. We would have paid and prob be with child right now!
I have giving up sobbing or feeling angry 
And I've been told my app have been cancelled as the clinics are changing to fortnightly. I am concerned it will be cancelled again so am defo going to see someone private.
How are you supposed to stay calm when the services are so poor!


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it's great you're 'only' 31 I was 41 when I was trying to get help.. time is at least slightly on your side... you may never know what the problem is.. having gone straight to IVF we were never fully investigated but the sad reality is that even the people who do go through lengthy investigations sometimes don't really know what is preventing them getting or staying pregnant... it's so frustrating... socially you get so tired of brushing off the comments like 'oh you shouldn't leave it too long you know'... or people giving you stories about how 'well my sister did X and then that fixed everything'... or being told to 'just relax and it will happen'... 

I find you tube meditation videos help a little with the 'staying calm' issue... 

when we went privately on the downside of course was the hideous expense but on the upside it was wonderful to finally have a plan and be moving forward.


----------



## cookbunk (Oct 20, 2013)

Thank you for that! Just having someone tell me its like this for everyone!  I know what you mean about the comments lol my partner and I have been together 13 yrs so I feel for you. 
And yes stress is defo a major factor in mine as I suffer with anxiety attacks now and again. 
Will look onto those links for meditation. 
I need something to focus on other than 'the wait' lol 
For yourself though, can't you complain about the treatment you've received?
Surely someone can do something for you!!! 
I am appalled at the way  a sensitive issue like fertility is handled! If i had a broken leg I would be fixed by now. 
This is the first time we've ever needed treatment for anything with nhs and its shocking.  All the info we have received is most people conceive before hitting the clinic! 
I am unfortunate that we don't fit it into the most people bracket. 
If you don't mind me asking how have you found the process with going private? I'm extremly  nervouse to approach a clinic privately as I may break down at the first app. I don't want to end up in a straight jacket! Lol


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

the hardest part is psyching yourself up to make that first contact. I found the nurses at the private clinic were all wonderful and so helpful and reassuring... I didn't particularly gel with the consultant, but he was professional enough. The treatment I received during egg collection and transfer on all three cycles was great. They all understand it is a big deal and something people get nervous about. It made a huge difference to not feel like 'the only person in the world who couldn't manage to get pregnant' - to the staff in the clinic, everyone is struggling, having egg collection or whatever is something that happens to many people every week... in their world, it is all normal... it's quite a relief.. there are always people better off or worse off but each journey is unique. 

go to a clinic locally and ask to speak to a nurse just get them to explain a bit about starting the process, it may help for you to talk to someone face to face.. even if you don't end up using a local clinic it is a place to start. 

yes you need something to focus on other than the 'wait' try making a fitness plan or a craft project.. whatever suits you... 

I can't complain about the treatment because it seems so endemic and it's almost impossible to pin the problem down - everyone in the system seems to think things are other people's problems and just pass the buck... they are all 'sort of' working within the rules they are given, there just isn't enough 'joined up thinking'... the only thing to do is accept the limitations of the system and not just 'sit back and trust that having mentioned a problem to the NHS that someone is actually taking action about it in your best interests'. it seems to help to be a bit proactive and push for the right information etc.


----------



## Sarapd (Dec 4, 2012)

Hi Catbunk
Are you waiting to be seen in Cardiff? If so, I'd recommend going private. The wait is horrendous. We waited two and a half years for IVF and only got it when we did because I was about to turn 40. 
Happy to share more details if you're interested.
Sara. xx


----------



## Sarapd (Dec 4, 2012)

Sorry Catbunk - just read your post again. I would highly recommend CRGW - we went there knowing nothing either and they have been fantastic.
Feel free to ask questions.
Sara. xx


----------



## cookbunk (Oct 20, 2013)

Ladies thank you so much both my hubby and I feel lost!!! 
Sara am defo interested in talking about crgw I'm at wk wk at the mo but would like some info on what to expect. 
I am wanting to go to go private as I don't want to be waiting any longer for treatment.  
Girls I don't know how you've managed to get through it. It's a rollercoaster!!!
Xxx


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

The other thing is that even though you can have loads of fertility investigations, its not until either a problem starts to occure or they find additional problems that your diagnoses (if that makes any sense)  I had 2 x icsi and one fet, thinking the problems were that i had one fel tube and my dh had low sperm count, it was later discovered whiling trying to do egg share that i have a chromosome problem to, by far our biggest issue.  We there then told we needed pgd.  Sometimes a couple just have one issue and sometimes there can be multiple issues.


We have been very lucky that all our treatment 2 x icis 1 x fet and 1 x icsi pgd have been nhs covered and the wait hasnt been very long. xx


----------

