# Hurt by those closest to you



## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

I know lots of you ladies have posted something similar to this many times and most of you will in the future but I need somewhere to vent and to speak to those who won't judge. 

Last week a really close friend of mine (the only one who knows about our TX) asked me how things were going and I completely broke down, sobbing the whole lot. Explained how hard things are when you are ttc, waiting and about to recieve treatment, along with the thoughts of 'what if' 

She was really sympathetic and we somehow got onto the  conversation of how women who can't conceive naturally respond to friends making their pregnancy announcements (I thought this was strange at the time now I know why). I explained that even though it doesn't seem rational to "outsiders" shall I say, dealing with these announcements only bring up your own feelings of childlessness and that friends should really choose how to broadcast their news carefully when thinking of infertile friends. 

Soo....

Flash forward to today, my DP and I are enjoying a lovely week away, having a lovely romantic walk on the beach when I get a flurry of texts off the friend, scan pictures galore bragging how she had fooled everyone into thinking she wasn't trying, drank at her wedding but low and behold she's 12 weeks gone. Needless to say I didn't handle it well and poor DP had to usher me back to the car hiding my red eyes.

I don't know how to reply, I haven't said anything back yet as I know I'm not in the right frame of mind to speak just yet. I think that what bothers me is that we had a conversation (obviously pre-planned on her part) and still she doesn't seem to understand this is hard for me


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## roxysister (May 21, 2014)

Wow, how completely insensitive.  The people in my life who have gotten pregnant during our struggle have always, to give them credit, have always handled telling me much better than that.  After talking to you she should know that you dont need to know all the nitty gritty details and she should have given you the option of wheter you wanted to see a scan picture or not.  Some people just dont get it.
You're just starting your tratment journey so you have to tell yourself that it will be you before you know it, that's how i manage to get through.
xx


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## Kaur_33 (Apr 17, 2014)

Hi Dramaqueen88, I completely agree with you that your friend was insensitive, she should have found a better way to tell you such as in person. I don't really know what to say to help you feel less upset but I didn't want to just read your post and not reply, so just want to say yes you are right in feeling hurt by her, I wouldn't suggest talking to her as sometimes In my experience trying to resolve things actually makes it worse!

So my advice is pick yourself up and look forward to the future. Goodluck xx


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

Thanks Roxy, as you said she could have put it a bit more sensitively, and I would have preferred not to see a scan pic but it was thrusted at me. 

I have been a lot better with anxiety etc lately as I keep thinking positively as you have said but today just knocked me a bit.

Thanks Kaur, I'm in agreement we not speaking to her ATM, she is a very close friend and I don't want to ruin that, I have said the usual congrats but said I'm not in great signal area so will call in a couple of days, hopefully she doesn't sense anything bad xx


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

Hi Dramaqueen88

if it was me i would send a one word text back with no kisses. that would say congratulations. however i would feel like writing an expletive beginning with B and ending in s. but i wouldnt. i would just write congratulations and leave it at that. 
good luck with however you choose to handle it, and sending hugs to you. it really is a kick in the teeth when those kind of things happen 

Jade xxx


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

Thanks Jade


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## Guest (Aug 14, 2014)

Personally I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone like that! I think I'd rather have fewer, nice ones! Maybe I'm too sensitive or expect too much from people, but I think her behaviour has been very out of order. I'm very sorry and hope it's all behind you one day with a very happy family xxx


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

It's tough isn't it, I can understand that sometimes people don't know how to address things with you and can be afraid of saying the wrong thing, fearful of hurting your feelings...but the conversation the week before was obviously one to get info and advice on how to tell me without seeming suspicious. 

Thanks Merlin x


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## carrie lou (May 16, 2006)

Oh my goodness, I thought I'd been on the receiving end of some insensitivity but that really takes the biscuit. You are completely justified in being very upset. If it were me I think I'd be giving this "friend" a very wide berth for the time being.


Hang in there honey, your time will come


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## kerryh (Apr 15, 2014)

Just ignore it. It's been designed to get a rise out of you and that is what she wants. She is feeling very smug with herself and what it is really about is her own insecurities. I've no doubt she feels like she is getting one over on you. Has she always been jealous of you? Or is she just the sort of insecure person that needs other peoples misfortunes to make her feel better about herself? It's probably one or the other I'd say. Whenever somebody behaves in a really unpleasant way I always think what has happened in their life to make them need to take it out on me or somebody else that way. The route of it is never you, or that they don't like you, it's usually their own issues. 

I have a friend that knew when we started trying to conceive. She got pregnant that month with some bloke she barely knew, he wants nothing to do with the baby now. She also has another child with some guy who never sees them. I'm sure it's a very tough position to be in for her. However the whole time she was pregnant she wanted to rub it in my face, she moaned about how awful it was to be pregnant, wanted to discuss our problems conceiving. Since the baby has been born she's always trying to push it on me. But when I look at all I have, a wonderful husband, a lovely home, a great job I know that I would never swap them for her situation and I know those are all things she really wants. I just feel sorry for her really. I could go on the counter offensive and boast about my matrimonial bliss, but two wrongs don't make a right. 

Rise above it! You are obviously the better woman here so take some strength from that!


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

Thanks Carrie, my DP can't understand why I am so upset, he doesn't mean to be insensitive I just think only you ladies get how it feels! It's strange as she would be the person who I would turn to when I feel like this but this time she's the reason why. I will need to give a wide berth for a while, I know she will be the type to meet up with me and then spring a baby shopping trip on me when I can't escape! 

Kerry- this is why it took me by surprise, she's a jealous type, only once has she made a stupid comment, it was something about trying to 'avoid' pregnancy but it was very early in my ttc days and I just put it down to her immaturity!


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

Had the mother of all comments tonight re the above friend. 

"It just sort of happened on our first try without protection, he's just got super sperm!"

I just wanted the ground to open and swallow me up!


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

This happened to me. A friend of mine, the only one I was able to speak about my IF about, text me to tell me she was expecting. The worse thing was her husband told my hubby first and mine asked them not to tell me as I just had a failed cycle which she knew about. 

But she felt it appropriate to text me even though they had the conversation the night before.  I spent a good hour sobbing, not because she was pregnant but the insentivity of it all.


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## Dramaqueen88 (Jun 30, 2014)

So said friend has cornered me into a conversation and wants me to bet on the sex of her baby prior to tomorrow's scan! Of course all my girlfriends are loving this conversation...I know this shouldn't bother me but it does, on top of all the injections I'm just an emotional wreck at the moment   

Is it appropriate just to put a one word answer? I'm not in the mood to make conversation   I do care about this friend but I only ever hear from her now when she wants to talk about her pregnancy, she hasn't asked how tx is going (she knows it was starting sept/oct time) I just haven't got the emotional strength to be fake I have more important things going on right now


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Maybe you should say that to her?
That you are happy for her but you are really struggling to be actively involved in her pregnancy - if you could just have a bit more time. 
You're sorry if this upsets her but you feel you needed to be honest and hopes she can understand where you're coming from. You hope her scan appointment goes well and if she does need you, you are here. You just need to gather yourself. 


I think you really need to try to be honest with her; if she really is s good friend you should be able to do that.

Hope you feel better soon xxx


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## Jes87 (Aug 22, 2013)

Pretty much what Hayden said. If she continues to rub it in your face after you've asked her not to, she's not a real friend. This thread has made me angry!


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