# ivf baby girl lost 20 weeks scan....devastated hard to cope



## mainey (Jan 24, 2015)

Hi everyone
This is my first ever post. I had ivf in september after we tried for 3 years to conceive. I cried so much after we got a bfp. Best thing to ever happen to my husband and myself.  Pregnancy was going so well had no sickness at all.had scans at 6wks, 8wks, 12wks. At 13 wks spotted a bit totally freaked me out so went to the hospital where I got the all clear after another scan.  At my 15 wk hospital appointment I got to hear the heartbeat and see the baby again. My ob was actually laughing at the baby rolling over and kicking.
I felt the baby moving loads over the weekend of the 4th Jan.  I was so proud and amazed how much clever my baby was.i fell head over heels in love with my bump . next few days baby wasn't moving much but I didn't past any remarks though I just wasn't noticing as much.
Our 20 week scan came on Monday the 12th of Jan 2015 this day will haunt me for the rest of my life. We got told there is no heartbeat. I lost it holding on to my husband with my life this could not be happening I said I can't do this. Went home completely broken had to ring our families. How do yup break your parents hearts aswell. Went back in to the hospital Tues morning to take a tablet to stop the blood flow to the placenta. I cried at having to do this it felt so wrong I'm suppose to look after my baby not do this. The next few days are a blur I went in Thursday morning to be induced. I gave birth at 10.30 at night to our beautiful baby daughter willow Maisie Corcoran. So small and beautiful. We are now waiting for her to come back from the post mortem so we can make her final arrangements. I'm such a mess I'm all over the place. I'm struggling seeing or speaking to anyone. Ive Had panic attacks just been in public I can't sleep I feel like I must be dying because how can I survive such pain. I feel like a total failure that I've let my husband down.i don't know how to cope without willow. I hate my body my milk came in my bump has gone and it's disgusting. I just don't know how i can say the final goodbye xxx


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## cookson17 (Oct 24, 2013)

I don't really know what to say but didn't want to read and run.

I am do sorry to hear what you are going through.

Be kind to yourself xxxxx


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## futuresbright (Apr 21, 2013)

Hi mainey 

Can I just say how sorry I an you have lost your beautiful baby girl. I too lost my daughter in March last year at 18 weeks due to a full PPROM. 
I understand how completely devastating it is to lose our much wanted baby and the next few days weeks and months are going to be very hard. 
There is a page on here for pregancy loss where you can vent how you feel to people who unfortuntley have also lost their babies at various stages when you feel ready. 
Please feel free to pm me too if you want to. 
Thinking of you at this horrible time


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## cheeps (May 2, 2014)

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I can't even imagine how heartbroken you must be.

Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

Much love. x


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

I'm so sorry, you must be truly heartbroken xxx


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## mainey (Jan 24, 2015)

Thank you for replying to me. Its hard talking to anyone who hasn't gone through the same. I really appreciate your support xxxx


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Mainey,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl  

Willow is a beautiful name, & it is clear from your post how loved she is.

I know there are no words, but I will pray for you and your angel.

B xxx


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## babygirlforme (Jul 10, 2011)

DEAR mainey-so so so sorry for your loss    
i lost 2 babies, last trimester stillborn 2 years and 2 month ago, was my babyboy, no heartbeat...7 years before was my babygirl... my amniotest was perfect, they were perfect...i have pic with my baby boy in the gallery-my sign
i took many pic of my babies, this is all what i have now, perhaps you will find the cause, but many times the don't know why... life is not fair... prayers, and candles to your baby... you need time to grieve...


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

dear mainey 
so glad babygirlforme answered, I have read her story and if anyone knows what you are going through its her.

My heart goes out to you, what I do know about loss is each of us handles it in our own way, we find our own way through this, do what we need to do, take all the comfort and support you need, and as babygirlforme says take your time.

gone never forgotten

Big Hugs
X


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

Hi Mainey

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl, Willow.  Losing a baby at any stage is devastating, but a later loss is excruciating. Not only do you lose a baby who you can hold and see, but you lose the future that was so definite xx 

I'm the mod over on the losses board. You can see by my signature that I lost a little girl at just over 27 weeks in 2010.

Please come and join us on the boards there, the ladies all have experience of loss and are very supportive:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=12.0

This is a thread that offers support after loss:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=319382.890

There is also an area where you can have a permanent memorial thread, I have one for my daughter, Matilda Rose, in the Garden of Peace area and it's really helped.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=99.0

And if you want to post photos of Willow, there is a thread too

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=150.0

If you need someone to talk to, I'm only a PM away

Xxx

Wendy


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

So sorry for your loss.


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## mainey (Jan 24, 2015)

Thank you everyone for replying it truely means alot xxx


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Mainey     I'm so, so sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you at this very hard time  
xx


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

So so sorry for your loss


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## Caprily (Nov 23, 2014)

I am so sorry to read this - nobody should have to go through something so cruel.  Please take as much time as you need to grieve, lean on this forum / friends / family as much as you need xxxx


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## Josie1 (Sep 30, 2013)

So sorry for your loss   I can't imagine how you must be feeling. 

The forum will provide support from those who have unfortunately suffered the same xx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

My heart goes out to you, I'm so very sad reading your post, also for anybody else who has had to endure such a devastating trauma  

x


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## Ms Gnomer (Jan 15, 2015)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Mainey.  Please be kind to yourself.  Thinking of you.


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