# we have desided to take a break from ttc - Can't cope with it at the min



## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

all
this is my 1st post on this thread, ive been posting on relationships ,sex and bms 
as me and DP have found it really hard lately  to cope with the stress of everything 
so we have desided to take a break for a while so that we can re-build our relationship .
although we both a baby so much we need to put our self 1st b4 we can bring a baby into our home 
this is my story 
had DD (1997) sufferd with PREECLAMSIA ,bled for 4mths with her at the beginning and lots of pain 
didnt tell anyone as i thought it was nornal 
met DP in (1999)
sufferd for yrs with pelvic infections and IBS
had abnornal cells removed (2002)
had LAP done 2002 to check for possible adhesions following bust appendix wen i was 9yrs old
LAP shown all clear ,gynea con told me all the problems were related to my IBS and i had no adhesions 
(2003)had ectopic as lap shown adhesions had knotted around my right tube ,c-cut done as i had to have tube removed.
(2003)had m/c 
(2004) had two more m/c's 
found out in (2005) i have factor v leiden (FVL)
taking aspirin to reduce blood clots related to FVL and told that wen i get my nxt BFP that i will have daily injections of heparin to also help thin my blood and reduce clots forning arind the baby or the unbilical cord
i had 4moths of clomid which i had to come off has was having bad side effects and am now taking tamoxifen to boost my ovulation 
since taking the aspirin for the blood i have had very bad periods constant pain which will ease with the tabs 
(MEFENAMIC)but i am never pain free  
i am now awaing  HYCOSY DYE TEST TO CHECK OVORIES AND TO CHECK FOR
and me and DP have really started to feel the stress of it all which is why i started posting on RELATIONSHIP,SEX  &BMS thread as i needed to know that i wasnt on my own as i didnt want to lose wot i have got with DP  as he is the best thing that has happend to me so i ended up starting a couple of threads on the link and really poured my heart out wen i stared i couldnt stop 
then i received some really posativre replies so i asked DP to read all the post so that he could understand who much i had come to throwing the towel in on ttc and on my relationship with him not that i wanted to but we were depressing each other and had become so distant it was like having a house mate not a partner
i used to try and talk about everything but couldnt get everything out that i wanted to say ,we would either start rowing or i would start crying and that would be   so in asking DP to read the post has really help we managed to talk about how we both feel and come to the conclusion that we will give ttc a break for a while and concentrae on our relationship we need to make each other feel special again and aslo DD is starting to feel it so we  need a bit of time to value wot we have got 
we are off on hloiday to Llorett dr mar in 8wks and wen we come bak we are gonna start saving for florida disney  so DD can have her dream holiday 

now that feels better its amazing how good u feel wen u get everything off ur chest and read it bak
thanks for reading steph


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Steph
Welcome onto the thread. We are here to support each other and you seem as if you deserve a lot of TLC, with what you have been through over the years. I am glad this site has helped you to find away to sit with your hubby and talk through your issues..it takes alot of guts to express your feelings and be honest. Its also a healthy move forward.
I am also glad to see that you have a supportive husband, that is half the battle.The whole IF journey is difficult and it tests the most compatable and stable relationships. I don't think we even realise the depth of it all, because its so overwhelming. As you say in one of your posts, its those behind your close doors that really understand. That is normally your partner, as they go through it also..
I am glad that you are going on holiday for a lovely break. Also saving up for a holiday to Florida for your young daughter. Children at that age are very perceptive and they are aware that their parents are going through a difficult time. So it will be good for all of you, to contrate on yourselves for a while. Well done for coming to that decision.
I think during this difficult time we do forget about ourselves. I think we forget about living our lives and enjoying what we do have. This If totally takes over and can really consume our lives. Just giving it a short break, will enable you to think it little more level headed and feel better about facing the future..
All the best....
love astridx


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi astrid
1st'ly  catch these bubbles
     
u have brought a tear to my eye with ur kind words thank you 
i never thought i would decide to stop ttc it has been 1 of the hardesr things me and john have had to deal with knowing that it is something we want so much  but wot is the point in finally getting my BFP  and risk being a single mum  i want to do this as a family not to be on my own so time has got to b a good thing 
thanks for ur support

i carnt believe that i have only just found this thread 
i have posted on a few other threads as i seem to be relating to a lot more that 1 thread but the thread that has saved my relationship is    relationships ,sex & bms 
if u have time u should have a read  it only took me an hr to write it (not long  )
thats if u want to dont feel im telling u wot to do
i have been a little messed up lately so wen i start writting i carnt stop 

thank you steph


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Steph
I think that you have been brave to have reached a decision, its the hardest thing possible.
Its enlightening that you have shared your experience of IF with us, because by opening up, it helps to put things into prospective..
I agree i don't know what i would have done without the friends on this board..they have been life savers...
Also i think its been good for me, because everyone has a different input on their infertility and so this has got me to look at the whole picture..Also to approach life differently..
Its been lovely chatting to you...

love astridxx


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi astrid 
happy easter
i think the same that yes the site has been an eye opener it really does make you look at ur own situation more wen u read wot others have gone through 
tony & mel deserve a lot of credit for setting up this site 
take care of urself and hope fully speak to u soon
staph


astrid said:


> Hello Steph
> I think that you have been brave to have reached a decision, its the hardest thing possible.
> Its enlightening that you have shared your experience of IF with us, because by opening up, it helps to put things into prospective..
> I agree i don't know what i would have done without the friends on this board..they have been life savers...
> ...


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi all 
hope you are all coping ok 
just to update you 
since me and dp talked lasttime and agreed to stop treatment and except that if am going to get my bfp then it will be natural
well we have been getting on brill
all the pressure and the stress has finaly gone 
ok must admit that it scares me to think that if it doesnt happen naturally then may never have the baby we long#for but then i look bak at wen i had my dd  yes i had a lot of complications a i nearly lost her but she was a fighter and that was natural ok it was 10yrs ago that i got preg withher  and i know my body has changed but it is still a ov hope 
and most ov all i now live in a happy house not screaming and shouting 1 
it is so nice to feel close to dp again 

i wish u all luck 
steph


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi all 
ive not been on the site much since my last post 
but i have missed the girls and the chats with u all 

well me and dp are stronger than ever now without the pressure ov ttc 
ok we are not  using any contreceptions but it has been 2 and a hahlf yrs since my last m/c and 
for as hard as it i am facing facts now that it might not happen for us 
and now we just make plans for the future and agree that if i did get a bfp then we will cancel any plans 
where as b4 we wouldnt make plans coz i thought it would jinks us 

life is so much more peacefull now 
it is hard but it just means that i get to spoil all the babies around me 

take care all steph


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Steph

I'm so sorry to read about all that has happened to you.

Your last message seems to be from a much stronger and calmer person, even though I know its so hard to walk away from ttc. I have felt a sense of relief at getting off the rollercoaster as well... and I bet that you being so honest and brave sharing your story has helped many other ladies who look in here. 

Sending you my love and a massive hug
Emcee x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dearest Steph
Thankyou for posting and letting us know how you!!
As Emcee said you seem alot calmer since your last posting..
I think you are a very strong person and your partner seems a great and supportive person..
Its a very difficult and painful jouney and i think that we can only take one day at a time with our emotions. Plan for positive things in our lives such as holidays, socialising etc..and as you say if something positive comes out of it then you can change your plans..but its about finding that peace in ourselves to atleast capture some of our life back....
You know where we are....
lots of love astridxxx


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi encee
thanks for ur kind words 
and yes i am a lot stronger and calmer now i am more focused these days 
i do hope that sharing my story has helped someone else 
although i dont wish anyone  else my mis fortune 

take  care and i will speak to u again soon i hope 

thanks steph


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi again astrid 
nice to hear from u 
how r u doing 
like i said to emcee
i am a lot stronger now 
and yes john is a g8 support we really have put our relationship to the test and passed with flighing colours 

thanks and i will talk again soon
thanks steph


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