# constant failure and i have tried everything



## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

Hi everyone

Really feel like I'm not coping too well right now We had a negative result from surrogacy in India last week, using donor eggs, 4 grade1 embies put back in a surrogate who has 2 children herself, i just don't know how to handle this after 18 years off ivf hell this was our last hope, we have had every test going tried every treatment and always end up in the bad percentage, the failures,

And to make matters worse i decided to go for fet right away and focus on that however the clinic now apparently have a shortage of surrogates and only told me today after i paid for the FET that it will be Aug so another ten weeks of waiting for a chance, the emotions im going through right now are anger , despair, and fear, but mostly anger, i feel the whole world is against me and after being strong for so long i feel like falling down in a crumpled heap and just lying there Rosebud


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## moonshine170676 (Sep 16, 2012)

Rosebud,


I'm so sorry your gong through! Please keep the faith.

Much love 

Xxx


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## Daisy-Chain (Aug 12, 2012)

Massive  's your way Rosebud.  Sorry to hear everything that you have been through and continue to go through.  It's so hard when obstacles such as waits are put in your way when you just want something so so badly and immediately.

Really hope you finally get a break from this awful journey you have been on so far.

I know what you mean about feeling the world is against you, different circumstances for us both but 6 years later, 4 ICSIs, countless family announcements and births, I wonder why the world hasn't give me a break yet too!

But as Moonshine (  hope you are ok) says, you have just got to keep the faith otherwise we have to give up and it's clear from you arranging FET that you are not willing to do that, neither am I


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## yellowhope (Nov 18, 2010)

Rosebud-I couldn't read and run petal.  You have been through so much treatment and had so much disappointment to cope with, it's no wonder that you are feeling down. For me my three failed cycles were like bereavements that knocked me for six every time I got the BFN. Don't be too hard on yourself.  Have a good cry and let it all out.  My coping strategy was always to try and plan the next cycle and when it would be.  I'd all but given up on my last FET when it resulted in a twin pregnancy. I'd had bleeding before the OTD and was convinced it was all over again but it wasn't.  I am now lucky to have twin Baby Girls. It was a long road for myself and my husband (just under 5 years) before I got pregnant. Be good to yourself, plan other things to do between now and your next cycle. We went on holiday after each BFN, for us it was the destresser that we needed. Some people find counselling to talk about it helps.  For us our difficulty in conceiving was a totally private matter, we told no one. We only discussed it among ourselves but this is not for everybody. I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You deserve some good luck, this next time may well be your time. take care x


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## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

Hi everyone
Thanks for replying and making me feel a bit less lonely right now, i got some anti depressants from the doctor to help me through the next few months, my dr says im like a sponge i absorb all the pain and hurt and eventually i become so saturated that i just cant absorb any more , 
Rosebud


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