# Failed IVF - when to expect AF and is it ok to cry



## valerieann

I got a negative pregnancy test on Sunday 18th and stopped taking the cyclogest (progesterone) immediately however my period still hasn't come.  Nor any sign of it.   The ovulation date was 6th Feb and usually my cycle is 24 days.   When should I expect it to arrive and will it be normal or heavy due to the fertility treatment.  Hope someone can help


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ ©

Hi

Sorry to hear of your bfn 

All the medications, specifically cyclogest, may delay AF.  

We all respond differently so where some ladies may bleed immediately after stopping the cyclogest whilst others may not get AF for several weeks later...the same for how heavy your period is, some may have very heavy, others may find its the same as normal.

There really are no hard and fast rules and can vary person to person, treatment to treatment.

Take care
Natasha


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## valerieann

Hi Natasha, thanks for the quick response.  Jeez I wasn't aware that I could wait a long time for AF.  My doctor just said stop taking medicine and my period should come.  I didn't go to my aqua class because I assumed it would arrive and could be messy and embarrassing.

Thanks again


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## valerieann

AF arrived this morning - very heavy and horrible.  Acts as constant reminder of my failure.
Another question for everyone.  I cannot seem to keep a lid on my tears, so I have realised that I have almost cut everyone out of my life over the last 4 weeks of hell.  I am so scared that I cry that I would rather not speak to them.  This is of course only the people who know whats going on.  I think it was a big mistake to tell anyone (actually only told 4 people)
Anyway Dad phoned last night from UK (I live in Dubai) I have been trying so hard to shield them from my hurt that I have either a) not answered the phone b) got my DH to speak to him c) pretended that I am fine.  However last night he was getting on at me about complaining about some poor service and I absolutely broke down in a heap, he was devastated.  Said all the right words to me, but now I know he will worry.  According to my brother he only has 3 months to live (he has been very sick for a long time), I so didn't want to worry him.  Mam never knows what to say in times of stress, she is of the old fashioned idea " pick yourself up" but I know she will be hurting too.  I have decided that if we try again I will not tell them or anyone.  However this gives me no one at all to talk to.

Should I just go out and continue my life as "normal" even though I break down in tears or should I hide away.  I feel like such a loser.  I have never ever been OK with crying in public.    

You ladies (who deserve a medal) who have been at this "game" for such a long time, what is your advice ?  What am I supposed to do to stop the tears, and how can I get my life back on track.  I have had to put my Dads illness in a "separate compartment" as I just cant deal with it at the moment.  I have been back home many times kind of to say "goodbye", but of course once / if I start treatment again I cannot leave here for a bit.

I feel bad that I burdened my parents with my grief and I know when they ring today I will no doubt shed more tears, as they will ask the dreaded question " how are you today ?"

Please help
xxxx

to everyone out there who deserves medals


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## VT

Hi Valerieann

I am so sorry about your BFN and that your Dad is ill.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to dealing with IF.

I have come to realise that IF is a process of grieving and that you have to do whatever you need to do to get through the day. If you are feeling sad, that’s ok, if you want to cry, that’s ok too. If you find yourself laughing, don’t feel guilty, cos that’s where you're at, at that time. You really just have to take it a minute at a time. Let yourself get embroiled in something and suddenly you get to the end of an hour and you haven’t thought about it. 

I think our parents find it difficult to know what to say or do and they hate to see us in such pain, knowing there is nothing they can do to make it better. Even though we are all grown up, their instinct is to protect  us against pain and when they can't they feel so helpless. I have learned not to shy away from that but accept it and still talk to them about IF. I know that my parents would be devastated if I didn't tell them what was going on, cos they would still know how upset I was, but would worry that I was bottling it up.

However you must do what is right for you, not what is right for other people. It is very rare that we get to focus on ourselves and I really think that after getting a BFN it is one of those times.

The good news is that, like any grief, it does get easier as time goes by. There are days, of course, when you want to shout and scream against the pain, but actually you do start to get more good days than bad. 

Sorry for rambling on, but I really hope you find your way through this. Take time for yourself, look after yourself and do what is right for you.

Wishing you well.

H4M
x


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ ©

Valerieann hun...
....I'm sorry that AF showed up in full force... 









The whole ttc & IF journey is so hard to travel, with many emotional stopovers along the way...you've obviously been keeping everything bottled up and its totally understandable why all this pend up emotion (and don't forget hormones) has caused you to break down in tears at the slightest thing... but don't beat yourself up hun. It must be especially hard living away from your family (I understand this as my parents emigrated to New Zealand so I don't see them too often !!) and obviously with your dad being unwell just adds to all the anxiety you must be feeling...but I'm sure that he's glad you opened up to him...at the end of the day, you're still his little girl, no matter how old you are, and he would want to know how you're really feeling (does that make sense  )

Anyway, sending you lots of cyber hugs...










Take care
Natasha


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