# Finding my job as a nanny heartbreaking



## Lou101 (Nov 23, 2011)

In one way I love my job as I do really do love the children I look after and they do make me smile. We get out and about a lot and have fun. However I'm finding that I am starting to dread going to work because everyday my heartbreaks that little bit more as it's a constant reminder of what I haven't got. I use to have lots of nanny friends that I'd meet up with but one by one they have all left to have babies of there own. They are still my friends and see them out of work but now have no one to meet up with during the day.

I find baby groups the hardest with lots of first time mums all asking if I have any children of my own and the worst "does looking after them put you off having your own". I want to scream at them that no it hasn't put me off, it's made me want them more!

I'm 36 and have been ttc for 6 years. I've had 4 x Ivf, 1 fet and 1 deivf. I'm going to start another fet soon but not being very hopeful. It just wasn't suppose to be like this, I thought I'd do nannying till I had my own children then I'd be a stay at home mum or take them to work with me. 

Is anyone in a similar situation?


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Hi Lou, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.  This journey is so torturous and unfair and like you, my heart is also broken.  I am a primary school teacher and have been teaching early years for 14 years.  I used to love my job but that was when I thought I would soon have my own little ones to teach.  We have now been trying for what seems like a lifetime and devastatingly lost our first ivf miracle then our second attempt was sadly a negative result.  I just don't know how to carry on but I really can't bear teaching any more as it breaks my heart to see all the mummies at the gate but yet that's still not me!  So I can understand how hard this is for you   I too am avoiding many friends at the moment because I don't feel I fit in with all the baby talk and it upsets me too much.  I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you but all I wanted to say was that I really hope that your fet goes so well for you and that your happiness returns.  Wishing you lots of love and luck and hopefully one day both our dreams will come true, Emma xxx


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## KaitsWishOnAMoonbeam (Mar 1, 2011)

I've been there too hun, I was a nursery nurse working with babies and toddlers in day nurseries. It came to a head with one particular parent repeatedly dumping her little ones morning til night even though she wasn't working and by her own admission 'couldn't wait to see the backs of the little s#@>s because they did her head in'! Not long after that nugget of information she had for us I left the profession and haven't looked back. Yes it still hurts like hell seeing the way some parents treat their little miracles but its so much easier now its not being rubbed in my face on a daily basis. 

Hopefully all our little miracles will be here with us soon girls    and


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## Lou101 (Nov 23, 2011)

Hi Emma and Kaitlyn

Thank you so much for your replies. Life is very hard sometimes and at the moment it feels like there is no escape from the sadness as reminded of it all week at work and then with friends and families children at the weekends. 

Emma - it is horrible that this journey has led us to dislike a once loved job. Your right, it is seeing all the parents (who are younger than me) that really hurts. Not liking our jobs and then not wanting to see certain friends at the weekend doesn't lead to a happy life.  

Kaitlyn - that must have been a horrible time for you, it's those kind of comments that drive me insane. I often think about changing jobs but as a qualified nursery nurse I'm not really sure what else I could do. Did you move in a completely different direction? 

Thank you again and I wish you both lots of luck and hope we all get our miracles


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## jaykay76 (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm a primary teacher, and I've been tempted to give up several times during the 5 years ttc, because I find it very difficult to deal with. I find dealing with parents the hardest. When they pick their children, its like looking into a world that I can't be a part of. Simple things like making Mother's day cards find me struggling not  to cry.
The hardest time for me was in 2011 when I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks. I was teaching a class at the end of the summer term, and as I was about 4 months by then, felt secure enough to tell my class of  year olds. I lost the baby early in September, and when I eventually went back to work, one of my pupils asked me if I'd had my baby, as well as some of the parents of that class. I didn't know how to react, and still don't know how I held it together. Fortunately, I don't work at that school anymore. The world is full of reminders, and it is especially hard when your job involves children as well.
I wish you all lots of love and luck xxx


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## larka (Oct 8, 2012)

I'm a primary school teacher too and it is so hard seeing parents who don't appreciate how amazing it is having a baby.

We have a parent who has had several kids by several different dads and was actually heard saying "I think I want a brown one this time" she didn't have a boyfriend at the time - she treats them like some kind of fashion accessory and wants one of each colour because it would look good!!!!! She has also phoned the school and asked if one of the teachers could come to her house to get one of her kids out of bed because she couldn't. I wish I could look after her kids they would be better dressed, healthier and better fed. I'm also not that happy at the school I'm at but have held off leaving as don't want to lose out on maternity leave but now I look back and think I should have left 2 years ago!


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

So incredibly unfair!!


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## Lou101 (Nov 23, 2011)

Jaykay - I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must have been to tell the children and parents. Children are naturally inquisitive and often ask questions that adults wouldn't dream of asking. Sometimes it's sweet but other times the questions can be so hard for us to answer. You must be a very strong person to have managed to keep it together. 

Larks - people Liike that drive me insane. I know how you feel, I've stayed in my job basically because if I started with a new nanny family it would be so hard to get time off for treatment. Now I don't really know if I want to be a nanny at all.

Life has become so hard, I really hope we all have happier times to come xx


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## KaitsWishOnAMoonbeam (Mar 1, 2011)

The amount of times i've wanted to physically strangle some 'mothers' and 'parents' and i use that term loosely in their case is beyond count! 

Jaykay huge   

Lou i've completely left childcare altogether now.. fully qualified Btec level 3 but for me i'd come to the end of the line. I'm in a supermarket now stacking shelves (and getting paid more).. It was meant to be a stop gap while i worked out what i wanted to do career wise but 3 years on im still there... That said though it does have it's benefits working for a major company, all my time off i need for IVF appointments will be paid and they can't refuse me the time off i need to attend! Also reluctant to move because as it stands now i qualify for maternity pay.

I've thought a few times what it would be like going back into childcare now and honestly i couldn't do it anymore... had the last shreds of enjoyment beat out of me with so much paperwork and policies to the point i felt like a penpusher more than a caregiver. Add that to the unfit chavs to who the kids were only an annoying fashion accessory and benefit payment or workalolic parents who worried more about their jobs than their own flesh and blood and pushed their crying babies away while on the phone to a client!

I had to choose between my career or my sanity... The men in white coats will have to wait for a long time for me now  

FX for all of us.. we will get the opportunities that others take for granted!


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## MrsKav10 (Jan 22, 2013)

Hi Lou,

I'm new to this forum but I was just reading your post and I thought I would just say hi and that I too know what you are going through. I am an Early Years Teacher and I too have struggled over the past few years with managing our infertility with working with other peoples children. Unfortunately I decided that I could not manage working in that environment anymore and I left my job 4 weeks ago. I don't know what I will do now, all I ever wanted to do was teach, but I just knew that I couldn't do it anymore. It has broken my heart and I do feel guilty or like I've failed for not being stronger, but then I remind myself of how I was in hysterics before and after work and - despite fertility drug induced mood swings! I have been feeling a lot more relaxed since I made my decision to leave.

It is tremendously hard, but you have to make the right decision for you at that moment in time. So many things have seemed to have fallen by the way side since my Husband and I started our TTC journey, but those are choices we have made to prioritse our lives to accomodate fertility treatment and the emotions that accompany it. 

I hope you start to feel better soon xxx


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Sending everyone  

MrsKav, I think you have made the right decision in leaving and you certainly haven't failed!!  You had to do what was right to cope mentally and although a tough decision I think under the circumstances of trying to remain sane on this journey, I think it was definitely the right thing to do.  Well done you!  I did the same last year as I felt the stress and pressure of teaching was not helping our chances conceiving and coupled with the sadness of teaching other people's children I just couldn't do it any more.  I am however, doing supply teaching now and again as thought this would be a temporary stop gap until I was pregnant, so felt I could cope with that.  It has made it a lot easier on the stress side of things which is good (although now I just stress about not being pregnant!) but not so much on the emotional side as it still hurts spending time with other people's little ones, but I too don't know what else to do?!  Just want to be a mummy really!!  I'm glad you're feeling a little more relaxed about it and hope you take the time you need.  I'm not sure where you are on this journey but I hope your decision helps and wish you lots of luck!  

Kaitlyn, well done on getting out too! Sounds like it was definitely the right choice.   Good luck on your journey! X

Lou, I hope you find some answers soon.  It is so hard to know what to do  x

Larka, it is incredible the things you hear some parents saying!  Even more of a kick in teeth when we are so desperate   x

jaykay, so sorry for your loss and for having to endure what you did at school   x

Hoping we all have happy news soon    Emma xxx


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## Bellaboo123 (Jan 28, 2013)

Hi Lou, 
      I read your post and thought I have to reply and say I know exactly how you feel! I'm a midwife, and I'm also a patient at the hospital that I work at! I'm faced every day with brand new baby's and families being made right infront of me, and the dreaded question of have you got any children? Comes up nearly every day! 
I'm also confronted with some very ungrateful parents, who don't want their baby's, or take drugs in pregnancy, or physically abuse their children but still have 5 or 6! It's driving me insane at the moment, I've been a midwife 8 years and ttc for almost 3, I also have to say having a bit of knowledge about medical conditions and access to my own results is probably making me worse!  
I hope things work out for you, and everyone else reading this
Why does life have to be so unfair sometimes?
Xx


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## Lou101 (Nov 23, 2011)

I'm sorry for not replying earlier, it's just I have been finding everything just too hard lately.

Bellaboo - I think you must have the hardest job for someone in our position. I can't imagine having to help people give birth (our dream) everyday, it really must be heartbreaking. I really hope your treatment is successful soon. I really don't know why life is so unfair, it just seems that some of us never get a break while for others everything appears easy.

MrsKav- I think you were very brave to leave your job, I wish I had the strength to do it. This journey is stressful and emotional enough and we really don't need our jobs making it worse. I hope you come to some decisions about a new job and that your dream of being a mummy will come true one day.

Kaitlyn - I'm glad your happier in your job, even if it was only suppose to be a stop gap. Keeping sane is the most important thing and working with children and their families is obviously not good for any if us. Wish you lots of luck for the future. 

Well I think the time will soon be here when I leave my job. I am just starting my final fet and if it is unsuccessful I honestly don't know what I'll do. I really don't want to continue nannying, the thought of doing it for another 30+ years fills me with dread. It is a very lonely job and as it is working with a family, I see everyday what I have missed out on. Apart from working with children I'm not qualified for anything. I didn't get a degree as I stupidly thought I'd settle down and have kids in my 20's (what an idiot). Now I'm 36 and trying to think of a job that pays well, that you don't need a degree for. Impossible situation as can't afford to earn less than I do now. 

Sending you all lots of     and   we will all get our miracles soon xx


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