# will hubby change his mind?



## ashers candle (May 10, 2007)

hiya, d/h and i have just had a miscarried after a successful icsi attempt, before we started the treatment we decided that this would be our last attempt (3rd attempt) but i always said to him that if it didn't work i would like to try a sperm donor (we have a male fertility problem) but he seems totally against it! is this a normal reaction that blokes tend to have then come round to the idea or is he really against it?


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## Lentil (Jun 3, 2008)

Hi hon,

I didnt want to read and run as to me you have had a BFP on your 3rd attempt at ICSI. Is it not worth trying again with DH's own sperm? In my opinio using a donor is a big step. 

If our next tx doesnt work we have been told to consider DE (actually we have been told to consider it now for the 4th tx) and I am still a bit unsure how I feel about it. DH was dead against it when I suggested it after 2nd ICSI failed but after the 3rd the consultant mentioned it and he seems quite happy about it. If we were told there is no other option then I would go with it as I know how much we both want a baby although there is still no guarantees...

Hope you get to sit and chat it over.
L
xxxx


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## teresal (May 2, 2009)

Hi AC

I am soo sorry to hear about your miscarrage, i don't know what that is like but can imagine.

in my experience (and can only say about my DH), he came round quickly about using donor sperm, it was either that or we wouldn't have been able to even try for a baby. even with donor sperm there still isn't any guarantees
just give him time and try leaving lots of info lying around so he can look at it without feeling pressure

hope that helps and good luck


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## Guest (May 7, 2009)

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I think you need to give DH a lot of time over this. You are desperate to be a mother and he also wants to be a father. I would try to imagine how you would feel if you were to use donor eggs. This may not be an issue to you, I don't know, but one could also argue that even if the child had no genetic link to you, you would still have carried it and given birth to it. I can only try an empathise obviously but maybe that is why using donor sperm is more of a big deal for men as they would play no other part in the pregnancy. You know DH better than anyone so maybe you could get him to discuss his feelings in time xx


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## pippilongstockings (Dec 8, 2005)

First of all I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarraige , you must be devastated 

You and your dh may find it helpful to look at some of the information and stories on the dc network website (http://www.donor-conception-network.org/dcn_info.htm).

It is a big decision for both of you and I found that neither of us were ready to even consider using donor sperm before we had grieved for the biological children that we would never have together. Counselling was useful for us in coming to our decision. It is a decision that we have never regretted - we now have an amazing toddler who means everything to both of us. My DH is absolutely his daddy and they adore each other 

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. If you do decide to move on to donor sperm (or just want to discuss it) please join us on the "anyone using donor sperm" thread.

Pippi xx


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## ashers candle (May 10, 2007)

thank you so much for your support, and have decided that your all right and time is what we need, we haven't grieved properly yet, i think we will enjoy this summer and Christmas and being married, which we haven't had chance to do cos we started trying straight away. we are both still young (24 and 30). thank you for your help.


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