# time to move on from IVF ?????



## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Time to move on from IVF?

I am unsure of the above question, it seems so unfair that you have to move on from your dreams, I am so unsure of the future. I want a baby so much but how much more pain can I handle? That I don’t know.

Life revolves around IVF and I can’t think straight anymore, everyone seems to want to talk about their kids  and I can’t cope, I want it to be me.

Life is passing me by, I am here in body but I feel IVF has taken part of me that may never come back. I hide all the emotions I have inside to protect others but feel no-one is there to protect my feelings! It seems a lifetime ago IVF started and I didn’t know that the day we started part of me would also go when the negative came.

I put on the face of I am fine but inside I am screaming, I just want my life to be normal. I can’t be happy and I don’t know when I will be again, to be honest I don’t know if I can be happy ever again – it all seems so messed up. 

I know people say you need to move on and I agree but I just don’t know how to! It all seems like a nightmare and maybe one day I will wake up and dreams will come true but hope seems to be fading everyday, its scary as I know no matter what decision I make if I give it a go or move on I feel that the pain will always be part of me and its scary and I am not coping well.


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## dtw01 (Jan 28, 2007)

Oh hun, i just saw your post and although i dont have the answer wanted to give you a massive   !

I think that infertility does eat away at you and make you lose confidence in yourself but please don;t be too hard on yourself, at one point or another i am sure we have all felt like you are now.

Try to have a little break to remember all of the good things in your life , and when the time is right to make the decision to carry on or not you will know.

Take care of your self and feel free to PM me if you need any friendly ears.

H xx


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi H

Thanks for your response it means a lot to me, life is just strange at the moment.Your support is appreciated.

i hope you are doing ok!!!

jenny


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## Openarms (May 5, 2009)

Hi Jenny,

I just saw your post and just wanted to send you  

It is the most cruel, most emotionally draining most traumatic thing most people can ever go through.  Only those who have lived it can truly understand the anguish, the despair, the anxiety and just utter sadness those faced with IVF deal with.  I think this is amplified more so when you have negative cycles - you invest so much physically, emotionally and financially and to get nothing at the end is just brutal.

But most people do get there Jenny - most people become parents through some means and when they hold their baby and raise their child.  That child will grow up knowing it was the most wanted, loved child there ever was.

This is what I cling to.  This is what keeps me going.

Sending you love and hoping the sun shines brighter for you soon.


Openarms x


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## runningirl (Apr 1, 2009)

Hi Jenny, 

Saw your post and felt the urge to reply, maybe because i was in that space so often. Haven't been here for 3 months, actually since my last BFN. I'm 42 and went through 3 IVFs with ICSI and none were successful. It was a very tough time for me and my husband. I never cried as much in my life. I went through everything you are describing and my whole life was planned around getting pregnant and IVF. I was emotionally drained and exhausted. However, after the last BFN, I decided to take a break, I wanted to live again, enjoy life, get back to running, be normal at work again and just be! Was not easy, as it became clear for me that the clock has almost stocked ticking. Three months later, I feel good, I'm laughing and smiling again. One of my male colleagues stopped me in the corridor today and told me that I looked great and bubbly and said it was great to have me in the office! He asked if it was because i recently got married.........but I knew it was because I wasn't taking drugs, no pressure to get pregnant and I've got some distance... actually scared me that i was so different during the treatment. My DH is fantastic and put up with so much, now I am enjoying spending quality time with him and he keeps telling me "we are a family". We will go to an adoption seminar next weekend to learn more, foreign adoption as i am over 40 and live in continental Europe. I have no idea what will happen next, but that's ok for now. We may try donor egg, but if we do I know it will only be once. I also see adoption as a gift to a child who needs a home. The guilt I had about not being able to give my husband a child just disappeared with time. 

Take care of yourself, give yourself time. You will decide what is right for you. The sun will shine for you again. And just to let you know my sister in law did 11 IVFs before she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and ironically I'm his God mother, which I cherish. 

Do something for you. Lastly, one of my tips was to only allow myself to grieve for a certain amount of time each day, e.g. 10:00-10:30 and then to move on! Sounds strange but it worked for me and then you just cut it down daily. 

thinking of you and all the other wonderful ladies here who can share the same feelings.


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi runningirl,

Thanks for your response - you are so so brave a person and are very strong!!!!

Your advise is great.

Adoption is fab and i hope it goes well for you both. I think adoption is a soecial thing and i myself will go that route when I have finished IVF for good.

IVF does change you and you dont see it.

Thanks for your support !

jenny


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