# Having Lap & Dye on Friday and terrified



## JulieBoo

Hi,

I'm due to have a Lap and Dye on Friday this week and I'm absolutely terrified!  I have a complicated reason for this:

I'm 31 and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for 5 years, finally a few months ago my doctor took me seriously and refered me to the John Radcliffe Womens Centre in Oxford. Sperm count and my ovulation is ok, so next step of course is to check my tubes.

The trouble is, I got pregnant when I was 17 and had a termination, that was the last time I was in a hospital and the whole thought of this brings back awful memories and feelings, of course it's also a kick in the teeth that the last time I was under general, was when I was getting rid of what have might have been my only chance at becoming a mother and now the next time is going to be because I can't get pregnant, how ridiculous is that?

Anyway I'm also terrified of needles and have an issue with doctors fiddling around down there. Again that last experience when I was 17 resulted in my being abused my a doctor during an examination which I never did anything about. I've never even had a smear test because I can't bare the thought of it. I'm in a terrible mess over this, and have no-one to talk to about it. I can't talk to my husband as he has other problems with his mother dying of breast cancer (maybe only a few days left), but it is important that I go through with this for both of us.

I don't know what to do, I want to call it off, but I know I'll never be ready for it and it could take months again before I could get another appointment.

Jules


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## Ellie.st

Dear Jules
What a dilemma you are in.  I really feel for you.  I have not had the types of problems you have had but it occurs to me that if you have been trying for a baby for five years, you must have been ready (even if only subconsciously to go through the medical attention that would have been needed if you had been successful.  Perhaps if you try to see the lap and dye as part of the "having a baby" process rather than a stand-alone medical procedure (if you see what I mean) it might make things a bit easier? It does sound, however, that this is a particularly stressful time for you given your DH's mother's illness so it might be worth postponing things until things have settled down at home (and perhaps give you some time to consider some counselling to help you come to terms with the problems you have had in the past).  At your age, time is still on your side if you are really not ready for this stage.  Whatever you decide, all the best.  PS (and I hope you don't think this is a trivial suggestion because it is really not meant that way), have you ever tried Bachs Rescue Remedy?  I find it really helps when I am worked up about things by calming me down and helping me to think through things logically, including helping me get through some of the more stressful stages of the ttc/IVF process. Ellie.


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## nik_b

Hi Jules

i really feel for you, I had a lap and dye about 4 months ago now, I hate hospitals, many unhappy times there as a child, I had a phone call the night before going in to ask me to go early, I felt so sick, sat on the bed and cried, my heart was beating so fast but I did go and it wasn't so bad, the nurses were really kind and understanding, everyone was caring and they know how important it is to you. 
I understand that its a hard time at the mo but you could end up waiting for months for another appointment.  I had one booked before this and the hospital lost all my notes and I got sent home, that was in Dec and had to wait til April for another date.

best wishes

Nikki


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## JulieBoo

Thanks very much for the advise guys.  I will certainly try the Bachs remedy I don't think it's a silly recommendation at all!  I give it to my Dog on fire work night and it works for him.

I guess I will go through with it, if for no other reason than that if I don't I've taken up a valuable slot that someone else could have taken. I couldn't do that.

I'll let you know how it goes.  ohh I feel sick


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## morgana

Hi Jules,

Just thought I would lend you my support. I also am due to go in to have a lap soon for a ongoing gynae problem and I am a bit anxious about it. So I will keep my fingers crossed for you that everything goes well.

Love Morgana x


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## Charlies-Mum

Julie,

I can understand where you are coming from (sort of). I have a phobia of  transvaginal ultrasound (ie the probe goes up where the sun don't shine) since my sons diagnosis - far too many bad memories.

I wish I could offer some decent advice, but my brain is full of mush today. Do make sure that you tell the consultant/nurses when you get there that you are nervous as they should be able to help you to relax, or at least be aware of how you feel. 

Try to keep thinking positive things and think of it as a baby making step (End goal)

Good luck & I'll be thinking of you.

Debs


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## Ellie.st

Dear Julie
Just to wish you good luck tomorrow.  I am sure you will get on fine, and think how good it will feel tomorrow evening to know it's over and done with!  All the best.  Ellie.


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## lshack

Hi Juliebooton 

Good luck for tomorrow. hope it all goes well.   
After the weekend you will be feeling better and glad it is over.

Take care
lshack


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## JulieBoo

Hi All,

May I start by thanking you all for your wonderful support and encouragement, it has meant a great deal to me in what was a difficult time.

The Lap and Dye went ok, a little sore and tender but otherwise it really wasn't so bad after all. Unfortunately DH's Mum passed away on Friday, but I decided to carry on anyway with the Op, it took a lot of nerve to walk in there alone I can tell you.

Also unfortunately they found that both tubes were blocked pretty much beyond repair and that one of my ovaries was twisted back on it's self.  So IVF here we come I guess.

I am meeting with Clinician in a few weeks where we'll be given our options and take it from there.

I just want to also say how wonderful everyone was that worked in the Gyne Day Ward a very organised, professional, friendly and understanding team of people.

Julie


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## linny

Hi Julie,
Im so sorry to hear of all your bad news, you and husband must be in turmoil. How brave of you for going to the hospital on your own. I take my hat off to you. I wish you all the luck in the world with the ivf.
God bless
Linny x


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## Frankie B

Hi Jules, 

I had a lap last Wed, and although I haven't been through what you have been through at 17, I can reassure you that the procedure really isn't that bad, and you will have nurses with the surgeon while it is being carried out, you will not be alone.  Maybe speak to one of the nurses about your concerns, they will reassure you.

The only thing I have to say is that you are feeling bad now right??  Just imagine how you would feel on the Friday evening if you decide to cancel the opp, I thinking you will be feeling like you have let yourself down? and now imagine how you are going to feel if you go through with it, i.m guessing a sense of relief?? ?If you go through with it you are a step closer to your dream.   and will be feeling so much better than you are now.  Just think this time Friday it will all be over.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

p.s. if you have any questions about the lap just let me know.

xxx


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