# I'm feeling very emotional



## donjee (Aug 4, 2011)

Hi everyone. I know it sounds silly but the phone call from drug company today to arrange delivery of the drugs for tomorrow has sent me into this really wierd mood. I have spent all evening trying to analyse it but I can only conclude that it is because its hit me that I'm really back on my journey. My IVF was such a  roller coaster and now here I am again. I've been desperate to get to this point, counting down the days since my little embryos were put into the freezer in march and now I'm here, step one of the process, I'm going all emotional. My husband is away which probably isn't helping and term 6 of teaching is always a gruelling one. I don't even know what I'm trying to say or what I'm hoping you guys will say. I guess I just needed to vent my feelings and am here alone.

Thanks for listening
xxx


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## Caterpillar (Jun 25, 2012)

Hi donjee, it is not silly to feel like that. I get hit by these emotions all the time. IVF is a roller-coaster ride, and I can't imagine how tough it is with your husband away and having to go to class. I used to be a schoolteacher and dealing with a class of noisy kids was enough to drive me nuts. Don't know if this helps, just want to say that you're not alone.


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Donjee
I hope you feel better this morning. 
I feel a bit the same. my first ICI failed in May and this weekend I start a short GEEP cycle for a medicated frozen embryo transfer. As soon as af comes (due saturday) i think ive got 18-22 days before the embryo goes in. 
When the ICSI failed in May i was beyond devastated and desperate to start again straight away. Now ive had time to think it all over im actually not sure ill carry on past this FET. The journey is so emotional and we had so many times we were told things might not work - enough follicles then eggs then fertilisation etc etc. 
I feel strangely numb about strating it all again. Completely different than last time. But then maybe thats good as it didnt work last time. Im doing everything different i can. Im having 2 weeks off work and im doing the NKC drugs aswell. I just hope the embryos survive the defrost as i hate to do all these drugs again for nothing. 
Good luck donjee. sounds like we will be cycling together.


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## MrsHY (Dec 13, 2010)

Hi donjee
Don't worry, you're definitely not alone in these feelings. I remember being really excited in the build up to my fresh cycle- counting down the days until my drugs were set to be delivered- then the day they came and I opened this MASSIVE box up I just felt filled with rage that I had to go through this sh*t when other women didn't! Not helpful! 
I also read your other post from yesterday when you got the call about how many embryos to put back (ps, think you made the right choice) and that you were thrown into a bit of confusion when they assumed you already had your drugs- that can't have helped.
I am 'virtually' holding your hand- I start buserelin on Saturday and am willing my ovaries to nod off quickly so I can get some frosties back!
Take care xx


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## donjee (Aug 4, 2011)

Thanks MrsHY,

I practically burst into tears reading your message just then. What a rollercoater we're on. Thank you so much for being there. My drugs are being delivered today and as soon as period comes, I can start sniffing my synerel. I'm so pleased to have you and all the other people here supporting me. Thank you also for reassuring me about my decision on my embies. 

Thank you also to KLconfused. I am sorry but I don't know what the GEEP cycle is and I also don't know about the NKC drugs. It does sound like the three of us are going through this all at the same time and I really hope that we all three of us finish the journey together with babies in our arms and big smiles on our faces.

Either of you can PM me anytime during treatment and beyond. 

Love and hugs
xxxxxxx


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Sorry - im in to all the acronyms now and there are plenty!
As im using frozen embryos due to a sperm issue i had hoped to not need any drugs. They scanned me a few times this month and i ovulated fine but my womb lining is too low. So im on GEEP which is a short medicated cycle. I start buserlin injections on day 2 and thats to stop me ovulating (dont know why they do that). Then day 6 i start tablets for womb lining and then day 17 i have pessaries and i think somewhere between day 18 and 22 they put the embryos back. I think its a new protocol for my clinic. 
NKC is natural killer cells. I think this is a new area again for IVF. I have an immune disease called crohns so its possible that as well as attacking my colon i could attack the embryos. Im on drugs already to suppress my immune system but i want to take the drugs designed to do this for IVF. That is steroids, asprin and clexane. My crohns consultant doesnt thing NKC is an issue for me as im already on drugs to supress my immunity but i want to try everything. 
I thought af was going to come a day early (today) but it hasnt and i feel relieved. Feel weird about starting all the drugs again. 
Found out yesterday a friend is pregnant too and i got really upset. Life is so unfair sometimes.


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