# Advice from people who have had surragacy experiences



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Just looking for advise on the surragacy process

*therre was a potential surragate but she mentioned she would smoke during pregnancy but cut down - would you choose someone like that? I was not happy about it and want to see if I am exaggerating
*is a surragate that has done surragacy 3 times already a positive or negative thing? Also has 2 own kids
*would you get a 40 year old surragate?
*would you insert more than 1 embryo into a surragate
*any words of warning that I should look out for will be much appreciated


Thanks!


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## Happy Mummy

Hello  ,
Own experience and US doctors advice to me after UK advise:
a surrogate should not smoke at all! never! ( better a non smoker?) 
a surrogate who has had children is very good, not sure about 3 times surrogate, but maybe yes? doctor advice would be good ?) 
personally would not choose a 40 year old surrogate, possibilities of things going wrong are higher
one or 2 but no more, depending how you and surrogate feel about it, but surrogate should be happy to do 2 embryos transfer  as possibilities of twins and complications.

Hope it helps a tiny bit. It is a roller coaster thing and decisions are not easy. Wishing you the best ,
Future Mummy


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## Artypants

Hi there

Personally I wouldn't want a smoker, that would be a deal breaker, it could harm the baby and with the age as well yes it could mean complications for the baby. Age alone wouldn't put me off too much though.


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## DaisyMaisy

We had an older surrogate- 39 when our twins were born. born 5 weeks early- two very healthy babies who are now very active toddlers! Our surrogate had already been a surrogate once before. 

Good luck on your journey.

Xx


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## selene78

1. no smoker - smoking deletes candidate, health problems (lungs), possibility of returning to smoking during pregnancy etc.
2. 2+3 = 5 pregnancies, don't think it is a good idea, as any pregnancy (even without problems) - is body barden. 
3. 40 year old would be to old for me. I think my age limit was 34. If you are in situation that you have to choose tummy mammy for your baby, and you can choose age - it is biological that younger would be better. Not to young of course. My age limits were 25-34
4. we did- 2 embryos. Remember that it increases pregnancy possibilities, but you have to be prepared for twins, maybe even triples. And this is harder pregnancy. And of course all children are yours
5. 
-check if she didn't have miscarriages (bad sign), 
-better she had her own children (like 2) - is makes sure she knows what is going on with pregnancy hormons, giving birth etc.- less problems it is better. But is has the dark side- little children bring illnesses home. And it can be dangerous for pregnant.
Good luck!


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## poobear

As a surrogate here are my views. 

I have just completed my last and final surrogacy. I am 38, I have 4 children and have been a surrogate twice. My first surrogacy was at 32 and second at 38. 

I would say you would want what is best for your baby/babies.  Going for a smoker is should be a big no. The risks involved to the unborn baby are not good. 

Regards to age, I know quite a few surrogates in there mid to late 40's who were doing Host surrogacy. All the babies were born completely healthy. 

Another thing to consider with my first surrogacy there was a 14 year age difference. I think that can make it a harder surrogacy as when pregnant you are suppose to bond with the couple and not the baby. If the age difference is too big there could be an issue with bonding. The older surrogates I know are/were surrogates to older IP's. My last time I did a surrogacy my IM and I were the same age. Which made the whole surrogacy a lot more fun. It was easy to talk to each other. 

I think in the UK


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## Happy Mummy

I am in my late 40s and my surrogate is in her early 30s and we have really bonded. I don't think, personally, age difference between IPs and surrogate is an issue. 
Having a surrogate in late 40's  is risky. All can go well but the risks are higher , especially if twins. In the US, a surrogate is never in her 40s. I know that in the UK things are different due to lack of rules and regulations . 
Having said that, I would rather be pregnant myself of course even though I am in my late 40s  but I can't anyway, so  as the only alternative is to have a wonderful surrogate ( and we have been blessed having found a gem) , and considering how hard it is to " trust" the baby is in good hands, it is very important that all chances are there, i.e great health, " younger" age, and NO smoking ( or drinking actually). And yes, bonding with your surrogate is very important. 

I think, Tiffanymi, everyone is different and as long as your doctor agrees ( because I believe in the UK, the clinic will run medical tests and psychological tests for the possible surrogate ) that the surrogate is Ok, then you should follow your gut feeling and your heart, but the smoking is a big no no, and I would be surprised if any doctor would say differently.


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## Tiffanymi

I just want to say thank you so much for your messages. It helped put things into perspective. I rejected the Surragate who said she would smoke while pregnant. It's important for me to keep my head on even though I amdesperate thanks again!!


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## ♥JJ1♥

why would you want a surrogate who was going to deliberately smoke and knows the harm that that can cause to a baby.


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## Anny1970

Hi, Tiffanymi!!! I`ll be glad to answer all your questions. I`m sure I will never consider the surrogate who smokes!!! It will harm your child 100%. In our case the coordinator told that the surrogates in the clinic undergo the test which shows whether they smoke or drink alcohol. In most cases the surrogate mother doesn`t even know about this. I don`t think that 3 surrogacy programs and 2 children is something you must worry about. May be it`s like a confirmation that the woman is healthy. As far as I know it`s better for the surrogate to be under 35. Older women have higher risk of giving birth to child with a down syndrome. In our case we had 3 embryos transferred. The only 1 survived. Moreover if you want to have twins you want have them anyway. Hope you`ll have the best surrogate mother and the pregnancy will flow without any problems)))


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## gitarre

Dear all, 
My husband and I have recently decided to contract surrogate mother and commenced looking for some information and people's experiences in the accessible sources. At the beginning we opted for the Georgia (still choosing among its centers). We wrote them our questions about legal aspects;
How is the collection of material (- how they extract eggs?); or better to bring frozen one? The price.
Health of SM and conditions - Does she stay at home or work? Who controls?
The required number of visits to the center - how many times we at least need to go there (2, 3, 4)?
The actual price of one attempt? Total costs? 

We'd appreciate very much for sharing with us any experience in that sense or give us any advice.
Thanks in advance,


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## sarah

Can I please butt in on your thread, I've so many questions. Just found out on the 20th June that we are pregnant. I say we, I mean my best friend myself and hubby. My best friend is our surrogate. And now it's happening, I'm scared. Is this normal, please any advice


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