# How people re-act to your infertlity



## wanttoflyaway

Hiya... I just wondered how you have found peoples re actions to your infertility - we seem to have lost touch with so many people that can't see why we 'can't just get over it' or take us putting ourselves first as a complete personal act of bitterness & hate towards them - or if we were real friends we could just put it to one side! that works both ways though - right? I have never said I am not happy for people or not sent cards or congratulations wishes when they have produced. 

Surely attending 'baby showers' & maternity hospitals would just make a mockery of our pain and suffering? I feel I cannot win!!


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## empty dreams

I really can't agree with your more  im soooooo sick of their happiness taking precedence over our grief and then the fact that their pregnant if you explain how you feel your upsetting them !!! Cant win at all! I'm really angry and bitter and sick to death of swallowing and choking on my grief for others


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## queenie81

I agree. It is like pregnancy and babies come before anything else in this word. 

My close friends are very understanding however others are not so. I think you have to do what you can to protect yourself and if they act like that then they are not true friends in the first place. x


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## sophiekh

I know exactly how you feel, 'get over it' the 3 words I most hate.  I wish people realised its not just that easy!
No holiday is going to help you forget, no hobby is going to stop you wanting one the thing you really want.

Dont get me wrong, I am happy to see others happy and achieve their dream.  But its just hard! The wishing that it was you, waiting for your turn for happiness.

My friends and family knew about my issues, but i still found it really hard to cope - it was the pressure that was the worst. 

Now the my fertiltiy journey is on hold and marriage has ended because of it...I wonder where all my friends are


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## empty dreams

What amazed me too is how when people know ur suffering but next thing their pregnant so its suddenly ok to ram it into your face and expect you to b part of their happiness when u r just broken into pieces inside , last night 2 close friends asked me to go for dinner and I categorise these as safe as neither have or want kids but next thing one of them pulls out a car brochure and said "oh look this is my new car "so we open it up to see her scan pic !!!!!! I swallowed the tears so hard panicking inside wanting to run from the restaurant and after 20 mins I just cudnt keep it in any longer ! The day before this I found out the girl I work with is pregnant too on her 3rd so now work which is bad enough going through what we are dealing with has become torturous , I now have to watch her day in day out and every month loose more hope myself , why does this happen and from what it see its people who dont deserve kids that pop them out like smarties !!!


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## queenie81

I cant believe she did that with the scan picture....  Poor you and this friend is best kepy at arm's length for a while I think x


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## Molly99

I hope that you don't mind me joining x  I'm so sorry for your experiences, people find it so difficult to cope with this.  I find it so hard to understand because they just wouldn't act the same if you'd found out that you had an illness.  For some reason, not being able to have a baby is seen as an optional extra that you can get over quickly and if you don't then your milking it or making a mountain out of a molehill.

My MIL is very much in this camp, she didn't understand my wanting a baby (because my DH already has children and they should be enough for me too), she didn't sympathise with my miscarriage or agree with our fertility treatments at all because it impacted on my DH and my lovely step children (my cycles always hit weekends).

Once people have children (or grandchildren) then that's when they draw the line.  They are complete so no one else is allowed to want the same in case it impacts on their status quo or have difficult / unhappy moments when all we should be doing is rejoicing in their happiness.

Phew, glad I got that out.  Sorry for the rant


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## Luckylucky1

Do agree with all those who are telling that better not to tell anyone. Being honest, I am not sure that fertile person can understand and share feelings of infertile one. I faced this kind of situations. When people not only can`t understand you but also judge. 

Once I was told by my friend that may be it is my destiny not to have children   If I have this problem then there is some reason for it. Nothing happens without reason. And God wants it to be like that. That it is wrong to act against nature. Oh damn, it really ****** me off   I do not understand how a woman who has two children can tell something like that. She should realize how important is to feel yourself mother. But she does not seem to. I do not think we still have that much in common to stay in touch… 

Other time I was watching TV and there was some show. Few women were talking about reproductive medicine at whole. And they were telling nothing else but that it is a crime against God. That devil gives lives to these children born through ART   I turned TV off when they touched the surrogacy topic. They were telling really ridiculous things about the surrogates. I am not telling that none of my friends can understand me, being infertile. But what I learned from my own experience is that it is better to keep it in secret   My husband was the one who managed to support me the most. I decided not to tell about my problems to anyone except for my close family. I think it is the best option. Sometimes, when they are not enough for me, I go to forums. That is the right place to get support and avoid judging. Remaining anonymous at the same time…


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## danielle1370

I completely know where you are coming from too, I had the most unfortunate experience with my best friend which shattered our friendship. We both got pregnant at almost the same time (I'd been ttc for months for her she feel pregnant the first month) but then I miscarried and she had a healthy pregnancy. She completely de-friended me throughout her pregnancy, saying she felt too guilty to be around me, that she was too wrapped up in her self ATM (her words not mine) following birth of her child I miscarried a second time and she rang saying she wanted to visit but bring her 8 week old baby. I tried to be polite and say she didn't have to visit but she Insisted so then had to say would she mind coming alone. She then went and told all my friends how selfish I was for not letting her bring the baby 😢 honestly that year of my life was horrendous and made worse by her. 

Sorry for long winded post just wanted to show you're not alone. Some People are engulfed by their own emotions when it comes to having children and there is little  room for anyone else.  My greatest support came from ladies on here I have to say.


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## Shoegirl10

I have found two sorts of people  those who feel it is their place to judge and those who keep a respectful distance yet in their sensitive way let you know they are there for you if you want to talk.  I have experienced both.  
Infertility is such a horrible journey to go through without people making it worse and my only way to deal with it is to distance myself.  People are so wrapped up in either themselves or feel it is their place to judge and tell you to "relax, go holiday etc..." which is why I no longer tell people as it has made my life so easier and less complicated and it avoids the pity party

Good luck and I hope you all find the strength to avoid those who try and upset us
xxx


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## Charlie5

I understand completely I still find it difficult at times.today I had a birthday party and was sat talking to a friend then my mother in law thrusts my new born cousin (ivf) in my arms!! I have had 4 rounds of ivf and 2 miscarriage s and wanted to do this in my own time! I am so angry I felt soon awkward.


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