# How long after IVF before we can apply to adopt



## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

I know most LA & VA want you to wait a while after last IVF before starting the 
adoption application process, so that you are approaching it positively.

We have been considering adoption now for several years but have just had our 2nd failed ICSI last month.
Can anyone tell me how long they had to wait before LA & VA would let them apply after IVF?
We are trying to decide on whether to do 3rd and final ICSI (2yr wait on NHS) or move on and adopt.

Thanks
Fifelassie


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

Most if not all LA's ask you to be 6 months post treatment. It is best to contact your local one to see what their policy is 

xx


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## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

Thanks Suzie. The information they sent us does not mention timescales 
but also more worryingly it reads as though they do not like you to
be considering adoption just because you cannot conceive yourselves.

Surely this is the reason for lots of couples to adopt.
Hoping it is just the LA trying to test us to see if we are really committed.

We are committed, but just trying to decide is now time to adopt or do we try 
one last IVF? If we did then by the time we had that treatment, then waited 6 months
after failure, DH would be 40 by the time we were approved to adopt and our
LA won't deal with anyone more than 40yrs age gap from child... what a minefield.
Hats off to all of you who have adopted.


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

Sadly adoption is considered something that people do after they have been unable to conceive themselves. Like a sort of back up plan ( no offence intended to anyone by that phrasing ) 
However there are people who adopt/foster who would have done so anyway even if they hadn't had IF. I am one of those and my dh and I were always going to foster, it just so happened slightly earlier than we had planned 

The 40yr age gap is often that they won't place a children with a parent when there is more than a 40yr age gap such as a 3yr old and the parent was 45yrs they would want the parent to be 43 and younger, does that make sense?

Social services do sometimes make it sound like it is bleak etc but as you say they need to know you are commited. 
The best thing I can advise is for you to call and have a chat with them as they will be able to offer you advice 

xx


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## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

Thanks Suzie,
We have both always wanted a big family and talked about fostering and adoption many years ago
as something we would like to do as well as having our own babies. 
Like you said, we are just now doing it sooner than planned.

Fifelassie


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

with talking to the LA.  

Please feel free to post any questions and I am sure that the lovely lads and lasses on here can help 
xx


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi there

Our LA wanted a 6 month gap between IVF and adoption. There as been no mention to us about any rule on age. I am 40 this year, my DH is 41 and we have been approved to adopt with a recommendation for a child aged 0-3.
Remember you don't have to stick to the LA you live in. A neighbouring authority might have a different policy or how about a VA?

Love Crusoe


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## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

Thanks Crusoe,

I have info from LA and VA neither mentioned timescales but both mentioned the 40yr rule.
I guess 6 months is not too long.

Thanks
Fifelassie


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi

As Suzie suggested i'd give the agency a ring and have a chat.  Our agency are like most in that they like you to have a break from ttc before moving on to adoption but when we rang the agency to make our initial enquiry we had only had a failed tx that month!  I guess our circumstances were different in that we had shown interest previously as we originally enquired a number of years before but decided to try for a biological baby first,  then at our last failed tx was told the chances of us ever conceiving were practically zero, so our decision was made for us so to speak.
I suppose our agency saw that we were interested previously and had researched adoption years before, then having been told we will never achieve a pregnancy meant that we definately wouldn't change our minds.
I guess each persons story/circumstances are different so they can bend the rules slightly.....
You have nothing to lose in ringing them for a chat but dont make it sound like you're unsure  

Best of Luck xxx


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2008)

We had just a month betwen finishing IVF and starting the home study and the children were placed with us less than six months later.  However our circumstances were exceptional as we were already their respite foster carers and had nearly abandoned the IVF to adopt, but felt we had to close that door to avoid future regrets.  

I think the SWs need to be sure that adoption isn't a second choice for you and that you have come to terms with your infertility.  

Bop


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi

We attended an open evening May 06, but decided to go ahead with our 4th & final IVF during the summer.  It was successful but sadly didnt work out.  I had an ERPC at the end of October 06 and submitted our application a few days later.

When we had our screening visit, the social workers felt as though we were ready to go through the adoption process because we had been tracking IVF & Adoption alongside each other for some time, and they were more than happy with that.  They understood our need to do the final IVF as it was our way of not looking back with any "What ifs"

We didnt ring any LA's we just submitted the written application so they could see on paper what we were all about.

Best of luck

A
x


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## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

Thank you Wynnster, Bop & Annabelle.
We made enquiries about fostering with a view to adoption later after our first
failed IVF but LA were not taking on any new families at that time.
Hopefully that will help that they can see we have been thinking about it for long time.

Thanks
Fifelassie


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## Lynsey J (Oct 11, 2007)

Hiya

A year and a half after our disastrous IVF; we had our initial interview - we were told that I appeared "too fragile" and had to have counselling and then we would be interviewed in another 6 months to see if we can proceed.  I didn't cry or anything like that that, and I was very disheartened as I thought I was more in control and coping compared to how I used to be; and my family think the same- but according to s.w. I am not.

Good luck with your application.

Best wishes

Lynsey


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## Fifelassie (May 30, 2006)

That is shocking Lynsey J.
I know they do not want us to still be fragile but the application process is so slow anyway and then the wait to be matched that we are healing during that time too before we even get a child.

Do SW not realise that we need to move on with our lives, and that the longer they make us wait before we can even apply, that this is just more time on our hands to think about what we have lost instead what we need is to move on and start channeling that same energy into something positive.

I can understand them making us wait a few months but not 2yrs +
So much for being desperate to find these poor children new homes, they could do that so much quicker
if they made the process easier.


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

bump for info


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

Hi all.  This thread was really interesting for me to read and I hope you don't mind me asking questions!  Adoption has always been something I have considered the whole way through our tx journey.  I think it has had a lot to do with me staying as NHS rather than self funding because I would want to adopt from abroad ( more specifically china) and I think in the back of my mind I have always wanted to save the money for this.

We have just had an abandoned round of IUI and been told that as I am a poor responder to the stimming drugs IVF is not an option, and that I can try and lose some more weight ( have already lost 50lbs) and try again.  To be honest I think this time around the IUI I was trying  more for my husbands sake as I know he desperately wants children, but for me personally I don't feel I would have to be pregnant to be a Mum and the last year or so I am constantly mulling over the idea of being an adoptive mum instead.  I knew I would have to wait until after my 30th birthday to adopt from China, but what I wanted to ask was, do they still have restrictions on how long after treatment stops before you can start the process or would it depend on your attitude towards tx and parenthood? xxx


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