# Happening too quickly !! Bit long sorry!



## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Hi Everyone

Not been around much as I broke my leg about 2 weeks ago... did a charity walk of 28 miles for breast cancer the week before that, and managed without so much as a blister... but in the garden running thru the sprinkler, managed to break my leg... 

Also, went to see a friend's newborn baby (2nd thru 5th IVF) and to cut a long story short, she shocked me by telling me they had 8 embies stored for my use if I want them.    To say that threw us, is an understatement.  I would never ever have considered this before going on the adoption prep course... but I have to say that dh and I are considering it.  Although we are unexplained, and I never want to go thru IVF again.. an FET cycle isn't as bad as an IVF cycle drug wise.... as I said, it's certainly nothing we'd ever consider before, and we certainly haven't come to any decisions.. far from it.  I can't see us doing it if I'm completely honest but you can't help getting a bit carreid away with the gesture and romance of it all.. of course there would be NO guarantee of it working, and by then we could lose our "place" in the adoption queue.. so a bit of a tricky one.  But what a lovely thing to know that a friend would do that for you... We're not a very close, but I have known her about 5 years thru a 3 week temp job... see her every few months, and it's the infertility thing that bonded us... she was so sensitive to me, we stayed in touch when hers worked and mine didn't.. !! 

So, what with the leg and this donation stuff... we felt like we were suffocating a bit and want a bit of breathing space.  We have our first adoption appt next week with our assigned SW and so I rang one of the SW's that were on our prep course and asked if we could just have 2 months breather to sort ourselves out!!  DH has also just spent 6 months training quite intensively for a promotion at work, and now is trying to gain experience on the job.  She said that wouldn't be a problem at all...and assured me that we would still be assessed for 0-2, which was my main worry!  We just want to be 100% committed to the process, and have a clear head for it.. it is so intense, we owe it that!!

So, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and the really funny thing is, as soon as I was able to take a step back, I started to get excited feelings again about adoption... which had disappeared recently, so that really made me feel happier.  

We are still going ahead with the meeting next week.. to fill out forms and to enable the SW to get all the checks done in the next few months... and the assessment process will then start when she is able to fit us in again.  She sounds so lovely, we don't want to miss out on her..!!  

I suppose that probably tells you which path we will probably go down... but at least we will be sure when the time comes, as I've not felt sure at all over the past few weeks.

Hope that didn't bore you all.... lol... hope everyone is ok and coping!!  

Cxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya C

What a lovely friend you've got! What a touching gesture. I can understand you feeling completely thrown.
We've got a place on the egg donor register - that may never come up due to no donors, and although I feel fine still being on that list in the background somewhere, almost forgotten, I know that if I were to receive a phonecall about going back into IVF, I think I'd panic. 
It's like I've sorted my head out and know what we're doing, we are adopting our family now. So if I got given the option I would freak, totally upsetting the apple cart!

As it is now, we've got our baby girl and I wouldn't swap her for the world. If I'd never been through those failed attempts then we'd never have our daughter now. I think personally that we are now adoptive parents and can't for the forseeable future see any change. Although to have that "choice" maybe a few years down the line is like a comfy cushion to fall back on. Hoping I won't need it though!

You definately need time to think things through and don't feel pressured to sway one way or the other. Good luck with the meeting next week. 

Keep us informed.

e x


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thanks for that E... 

I know in the end, when all this is over, I will look back and see everything that happened as a blessing (I do feel this way already with regards to my marriage...), but when you are in the middle of it.. it really is so confusing.  Still, I'm good with the emotional stuff... can internalise things quite well, even if it does take a while... but the broken leg.. that's another matter.. GRRRR !!!  LOL.

Congratulations on becoming parents to your gorgeous little girl.. I am sure you feel very blessed!!!

Thanks again for responding.

Cxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Barbarella

I think during the adoption process we always have thoughts of "what if", and to be presented with such an opportunity by your friend is bound to cast the seeds of doubt.

Very wise to take some time out and glad you feel a bit more sure of your destination.

I hope things work out for you which ever road you choose.

Good luck

Karen x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

C

I think you're doing the right thing, taking some time out.  That's an incredibly generous friend you've got there and I can't blame you for wanting to consider her offer.

Like the others I wish you well, whatever road you take.

Cindy


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Thank you Karen and Cindy

Actually, have had a bit of an update.  My friend actually rang me the morning of the SW visit, and said the clinic won't allow her to donate her embies, due to her being over 35 (although she was 2 days off 36 when she had E/C).  Anyway, to be honest, it was a great weight lifted, even though I had made the decision to go with the adoption route anyway.  

All this has just made me realise that the adoption path is the right one for me... so it's been a God send for that, as I did have doubts.  It was such a generous offer, and my friend was actually more upset than me... but it was by no means, an easy fix!!  I just wasn't prepared to put the adoption on hold for it, so there was my answer!!  

Anyway, have told the SW that we do wish to hold things for just a few weeks. She was so lovely and we really hope to get her back, but they have to close our file and wait for our letter to continue.  We are now keen to proceed but realise we still need a few weeks breather, so will send the letter in September (before the new intake of people) and hope that we can continue the home study with this SW.  We really clicked with her and felt we were on the same wavelength.

So... September it is... can't wait ...   

Love Cxx


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