# Lesbian Couple looking for advice



## byteme23 (Jan 14, 2012)

Hi everyone, i am hoping that someone can give me advice on the millions of questions I have.....

My partner and I want to start a family and i have been looking on-line at different options for us and seem to have questions that I can't find the answers for. We will have to fund any treatment ourselves and everything costs soo much :-(

I have looked into using care fertility Sheffield as i have spoken to them in the past, only down side is cost, I would ideally go down the route of IVF donating my eggs at the same time, not only to pay it forward but to reduce the cost. 

I have also looking at using cryos denmark to keep the cost down, however my partner and i are not married or civil partnered and i am not keen on her not having parents rights or being on the birth certificate but does anyone have experience using them for home insemination and can offer advice? is it easier to adopt afterward using an anonymous donor?

i have also registered us on pride angel as i thought it could be an option for us that was low in cost, however again with the fact we are not civil partnered, i am not sure if that would work for us, has anyone else been in this situation?

Another option I have come across is a BMI card you can apply for and use at BMI hospitals and there is one in Sheffield, has anyone used this before?

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## Pinkchick (Apr 2, 2015)

Hi byteme, have you looked into if the nhs in your area funds fertility treatment for same sex couples? I know some of them don't but there are also some who do, including in Glasgow where I stay. It was a long wait for treatment but while we were waiting we did try using home insemination.  We used cryos for home insemination before starting our fertility treatment and had no problems with them. 
It is a good idea if you can't get any funding for nhs treatment to look into areas where you can donate your eggs and save some money, I know there's a lot of clinics who do this but not sure about your specific area. 
We are married so not sure of the legalities if not but I know my friends a few years ago had a baby through donor sperm and her partner (also not married) adopted the wee boy. 
It's lots to think about but just wanted to wish you luck x


----------



## byteme23 (Jan 14, 2012)

Hi pinkchick,

Our area does not offer funding until you have had six unsuccessful attempts at self-funded IUI, did check :-(

Care fertility do offer egg sharing and its the best one around us, still an hours drive but thats not too bad, its still a minimum of £2,500 and thats for one go, if it doesnt work first time we'd have to pay more, obviously not that much as thats inclusive of all pre-tests and treatments. Its just a lot when you have to self-fund.

Ive read on some other posts about being able to have some of the blood tests done by a GP to reduce costs so I have enquired about that too.

Im starting to think using a clinic is our only option to ensure that my partner has parental rights etc as thats more inportant to me than cost.


----------



## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

It was important for my wife and I to both have parental rights as well although we are married so slightly different. 

We went to fertility shows and got half price to one of the London clinics for initial consultation which included AMH blood test and internal scan to check follicles. All other blood tests the clinics required I was able to do through my GP which was good. It then turned out I had low fertility for my age however we did try IUI three times, not really sure it was worth it. We then were lucky enough to get pregnant on first cycle of IVF. It's cost a lot over the past two years, at least £20000 we also are still paying off a interest free credit card used for IVF. It's expensive but worth it.  

My thinking would be to go to GP to ask what tests they can offer on the NHS.
Check out whether your local NHS hospital does fertility treatment but as private as could be cheaper. 
Definetly look into egg sharing.
I'd have thiguht even if you used clinic overseas you could both be on birth certificate. 

Also check out HFEA as they may have the laws regarding how to be on birth certificate. I think you could also post on the legal section here for help.


----------



## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

I don't think you need to be married for your DP to be on the birth certificate anymore; when you undergo treatment, you (the carrying partner) have to sign paperwork to allow parental rights to your DP and then when LO is born, provided you both go to register the birth, you can both be on the birth certificate. It does make it a quicker process if you are married/civil partnered, I think, but it's not essential.

I'd also visit your GP as your first port of call. It's often easier to get started (even paying privately) with a GP referral, plus you can ask for any tests you may need. Not all GPs will do them on the NHS, but it's worth asking; ours did all the blood tests we needed. 

It is expensive when you self-fund, that's true, but you are at an advantage if your only fertility issue is a lack of sperm. Same-sex couples tend to experience much greater success than couples who have problems with infertility. Are there any costs you can cut at home, family members you feel comfortable asking for some help? Egg sharing will definitely help keep your costs down, so it's great you're already looking into that. I'd advise against sites like Pride Angel; while I know lots of couples have good experiences, there are much safer options open to you that are worth spending the money on.

Wishing you lots of luck.


----------



## byteme23 (Jan 14, 2012)

Thank you everyone, some great advice.

Ive requested more information from care fertility in sheffield, will see what they say.


----------



## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

I can't help with the majority of your questions but can tell you that we had 5 attempts at iui, I got a BFP at the 4th attempt but unfortunately mc at 7 weeks  our fresh round of ivf also resulted in mc but after our frozen transfer I am now 11w pregnant  it is a very tough journey but worth it, I'd like to wish you both all the best in your journey x


----------



## jasonlon (Feb 10, 2016)

Hi, I am new to here. I am gay, and I always wondered for ladies, if you inject someone's sperm into your body when you are ovulating, would that make you pregnant and reduce the cost greatly? Sorry for my ignorance if my words are offensive.


----------



## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi jasonlon, well, yes in some cases - that basically describes IUI (intrauterine insemination) - but not all. Some ladies do not ovulate, or have blocked tubes, or other fertility issues. If you're healthy with no problems, yes that can work.


----------



## Herts85 (Oct 10, 2014)

Jasonlon - as Sarahsuperdork has mentioned sometimes the problem is more than a lack of sperm! 

For a woman without any infertility issues then what you have described, if done in an unregulated way, could be a reduced financial cost but potentially a huge emotional cost. A regulated way such as IUI is still fairly costly and can involve similar medication to IVF. That said there are ways of conducting a simpler 'sperm meets egg' scenario, that is regulated, through sperm banks such as Cryos who ship sperm direct to a home address. This is popular with single ladies, ladies whose male partners can't produce sperm and lesbian ladies too.


----------



## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

As you can see from my signature I have been in this game for a while now. We didn't qualify for NHS funding this time as we already have a daughter, but would've the first time around. We chose to go private due to the wait and poor choice of sperm donors. That was in 2010 mind and I think the sperm situation may have improved since then. 

As you are still young and if neither of you have any children I would go to your GP to get a referral to the NHS fertility  clinic. There will be sent wait so in the meantime I would go to a private clinics opening evening just to get some more information. This will make your options clearer and help you decide what's important to you. IUI should be your first port of call unless there are medical issues. This is easy in the sense that it's not invasive but can still feel like an emotional roller coaster. You might also like to look at sperm donors now - Cryos is free to use online, and I think there may be some UK based banks that lets you search too, like London Sperm Bank. You have to pay a fee fof the European Spermbank. Looking at what information is available from different banks will help you decide what is important to you when choosing a donor. Good luck!


----------



## Boofulls (Aug 15, 2016)

byteme23 said:


> Hi everyone, i am hoping that someone can give me advice on the millions of questions I have.....
> 
> My partner and I want to start a family and i have been looking on-line at different options for us and seem to have questions that I can't find the answers for. We will have to fund any treatment ourselves and everything costs soo much :-(
> 
> ...


Byteme - if you are still looking for answers to questions I might be able to help.
Had to go through all the research beforehand, visiting exhibitions to get answers and finally understood it all.
Just let me know, happy to help


----------

