# I'm really struggling



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

To come to terms with that nearly everybody I know has children, on my ** it's either people announcing their pregnant, showing scan pictures, or daily updates of what them and there kids have been upto etc, I know, it's not their fault I'm feeling this way, but I'm so jealous right now, where's my family? Why is it not so easy for me, my partners wonderful but I sometimes feel like it just never going to happen, keep thinking about having Ivf and it failing. Keep getting told I'm young (I'm 23) or it'll happen, but if it was going to happen now wouldn't of it happened by now. Infertility sucks


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## SIBI (Mar 20, 2012)

Hi Mzmaary,
It definitely sucks, I agree. But you are surely young and you have so much time in front of you and I'm sure ivf will bring you a baby. Give up on ******** - it doesn't really help, it just destroys your selfconfidence and remind you that your not "normal". Maybe have some counselling, it helps to come to terms with this all thing. Somewhere there is your angel waiting for you - she/he will be yours one day, just never give up
Xxx


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## just me 1984 (Jun 13, 2012)

I feel the same I've just deactivated my account cause I can't bare seeing pictures and people announcing they are pregnant.... The feelings are normal, I hate myself for the feelings I get when people talk about baby stuff but this website has shown me that I'm not alone as a lot of people feel the same. I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that unless someone is going through this then they won't understand! Don't feel alone in all of this and don't give up xxx


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Thank you both for your lovely replies, what's a kick in the teeth also I have family members on my ******** that know about our infertility and not one of them has asked how it's going, or how we are doing etc, it's all about there life's...... But hey ho. I'm in a kinda better mood we both just back from our acupuncture it really does relax me    and exactly just me 1984. They just don't understand, and sometimes them helping just makes me feel worse xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

The thing with infertility is it does suck... but it sucks even worse if you allow it to morph you into a recluse shutting the world away.... In all honesty ....I've done both. 
Option One: Embrace the fact it sucks and still force myself to be doting aunty/friend.. coo in the right places and make the excuses so others didn't feel guilty for asking when we'd have a family.
and Option Two: Hide from it, avoid all contact be it ******** or in person

I think its natural over time to do/need both to cope BUT over the 7 odd years since our journey began and definitely over the last three (ish) years during tx. I can honestly say the best way I found to cope was to take it day by day, if I needed a hiding day do that, if I felt braver and more ready to be around others whose lives didn't suck (after all not their fault) I'd do that.


I'm now at Option 3: I've ditched the idiots who knew but didn't have the emotional sensitivity to attempt to understand (often sadly the people that prior to tx you would bet will never let you down are the first to prove they actually don't care/understand at ALL) and focus my time on the people who've been there through everyday, dark or light (Often the genuine diamonds that until trouble hits we almost take for granted/don't see sparkling infront of us the whole time). I've accepted life isn't how I'd planned but can still be amazing, and beautiful and full of adventures and I'm looking forward to what the future holds. xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Mzmarry23

One of the best things I ever did when we were going through our nightmare was to get off ********! I would dread logging on some days as it seemed every week there was an announcement or a scan pic. I felt a huge pressure lifted when I de-activated my account. I know it's a pain in the bum not being on it as harder to stay in touch with people, but honestly it helped my mental welfare no end!

good luck
x


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## Noodle001 (Dec 13, 2012)

Bubble and lexiecat I just wanted to say thanks for your posts. Things have been very hard recently - in the space of a week two close friends gave birth and we had announcement of pregnancy from sister and sister-in-law! Also, difficult family issues to deal with! Going through infertility really is the hardest thing and feels so isolating. Many times I'm tempted to become a recluse! But you remind me there is hope and it's important to keep on reminding ourselves of the positives. Thanks for helping me feel less 'odd' and less isolated x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Noodle sending you hugs the thing about FF is that despite our different stories are coping mechanisms we're all here to support one another and have a safe place to vent and be vulnerable xxxxx


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Thank you,  I'm having up and down day's ATM.. And when I'm having a down day I end up with arguing with oh.. Poor bloke, having to put up with my constant mood swings, I'm like it won't work ( when we have Ivf) but he says to me that he's trying everything he can, and he is from drinking more water to acupunture, he's not liking the fact I can really work myself up. I just wish it was easy for me to get pregnant when others seem to, but hey ho, suppose we get these trials in life to show what we are made of ! Xx


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## Noodle001 (Dec 13, 2012)

Thanks Bubble - really good to hear.
Mzmaary - hope you didn't mind me jumping into your post. Going through very similar emotions.  Hope it's an 'up' day for you today. Best wishes xx


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## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

I'm sorry for jumping on your post too, but really struggling today, wondering if i can even face work tomorrow.  I want to scream, cry, get angry... feeling so stressed and yet on other days I manage just fine.  In fact even this morning i went for a few hours without thinking about it (well maybe once or twice!).  It really helps though hearing other peoples experiences on here and knowing i'm not alone and that it's rational to feel the way i do - i hate the resentment most, my DH has responded very differently and internalises a lot and I think he struggles when i talk about it, especially as the problems lie with me.  

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest, already feels a bit easier.

wishing everyone for their dreams to come true


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## KaitsWishOnAMoonbeam (Mar 1, 2011)

Best way it was described to me was it comes in waves.. each wave that hits you knocks you a little bit less each time. It'll never go away completely but eventually it will be a gentle wave rather than a tidal of emotions. And honestly it has felt exactly like that. I thought i was doing fine then went back to work and ended up getting sent home after a breakdown because i couldnt cope with the stress.

Its hard to keep the positive thoughts going when we've just been crushed but if we don't it will consume us. Talking to the ladies on here helps a lot.. Knowing you are not alone is a comfort in itself and one day we will get there. 

Good luck ladies


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Forgot about my post   lol, and  sorry for late reply, hope your all feeling better today?   What's most annoying for me ATM, is since iv had no problems come up and it's my oh that's got low sperm count.. Iv really been a ***** to him, when I'm down. He really is trying everything he can and I feel awful for it.. Because we are supposed to be in this together, I'm thinking though could the reason for me be when I last got my Amh test done - may this year. It came back 13.1 pmol gynae said on low side of normal for my age (23) could I maybe be producing not so good eggs?    but too lighten my mood day or so back had my oh nephew (3month old) stay overnight - I loved it, I basically done everything and the wee cutie fell asleep holding my finger


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Iv really been a woman to him..... Yeah um b** tch it meant... Guessing that's censored lol


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Oh looks like another crappy few days.. Feeling useless and like just giving up, saving up to try have icsi privately.. All I'm doing right now is work work work. To get money in this fund of ours, I'm doing 5 nights -6 nights a week knackering myself out but I just don't care, when I'm down a can chat to my mum or oh big sister but what can they say to. Make me feel better both have had 4 kids and iv none, I'm sick of this stop stressing and it will happen yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I believe it..... Iv been having his nephews over to stay again his 2nd youngest nephew is 1 n half and going through the babbling phase + it's making me realise more what I haven't got.. I would never stop myself from seeing them. As I love the kids to bits, but all these wee moments I'm seeing with his nephews I'm like it should be us..


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