# Help needed - Where do I start with surrogacy?



## schmoo73 (Aug 18, 2006)

My dear friend has generously offered to be a straight surrogate for us, not sure what the best thing to do is as never really thought about this route before, but we have just had our 3rd BFN with donor eggs.   My friend has finished her family she has 3 beautiful children, we really don't know how to proceed, any ideas and suggestions would be gratefully received.

Schmoo x


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi hun

I have split your post in to a thread of it's own to make iteasier for you. 

The first thing I would do is have a look on the 2 main surrogacy sites - Surrogacy UK and COTS.  You do not need to join any of them but they are great for information. 

You need to read, read, read so that you and your friend understand the complications of surrogacy and how the law works and to make sure you are both happy.  Ask loads of questions. 

You will also need to think about whether you will want to do home inseminations or with a clinic. 

There is a lot to think about and consider so please have a good read on here and of the 2 main surrogacy sites and then feel free to ask any questions you might have. 

T xx


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

You might want to get legal advice, do some reading on the legal issues, and/or ask me here (!) as surrogacy requires you to take some legal action to protect your family.  

Basically, the surrogate mother will be your child's legal mother at birth, and you either need to apply for a parental order or adoption after the birth to reassign the legal parental rights.  You should also consider putting in place wills and life insurance for you and the surrogate before/ during the pregnancy and may want some legal documentation drawn up between you.

Let me know if I can be of any help and good luck!

Natalie
[email protected]


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Schmoo, 
Forgive me for asking, but are you married?
I omly ask as you need to be married and resident in the UK in order to apply for a Parental Order. This is the usual process with surrogacy, and means the surrogate gives up her rights and responsibilities to the child, and you gain them.
You even get a new birth certificate , with your name as Mother.
We met our surrogate and had our baby through SUK, and I can highly recommend them for support and advice.
www.surrogacyuk.org
Good Luck
EJJB
  x 



/links


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## schmoo73 (Aug 18, 2006)

EJJB - yes i am married.  

We had a get together with my friend on friday and discussed all the issues with surrogacy and we have decided to go for it - really excited and nervous at the same time, have bought the insem kit from surrogacy uk, will be quite embarrasing the first time for insemination, but just have to have a good sense of humor i guess.

Any tips gratefully received

Schmoo x


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

The only tip I can give is what you have already said and that is to have your sense of humout intact.

Also please make sure that you have everything set out in some kind of contract before you start !!!  Life insurance in place, expenses arranged (it can be embarrassing to have to ask your couple for money if it is needed), legal things taken care of, wills in place, etc. 

Also when you talk to your friend arrange some "deadlines" i.e. if we have not managed to concieve in 6 months we will look at the situation again with regards to continuing.  This means that in 6 months you can have a chat and if things haven't happend you are giving your friend time to reconsider and you are giving yourself a chance to take a break if need be (and DH might need a rest  ).  It might also be wortth talking about what will happen if (and I pray this doesn't happen) she has a miscarriage - we all like to think this wno't happen but it happened to me and it has happened to a few others too  - so chat about wheather you will take a break or if you would be willing to pay for counselling, etc.  

Also you need to decide how many insems a month will be needed - i.e 2, 3 or 4 and you will need to take in to consideration if your friend needs OPK's and pregnancy tests you need to buy these for her.  She should never be out of pocket. 

Please, please always put your friendship first !! 

Sorry if I am going over old ground but want to make sure things go smoothly for you and that this is a very positive experience for you and your friend and will result in that ^bfp^.  

So much to think about but it can all be sorted with planning !!!

Please feel free to PM me if you need any other information - I am sure there is loads I have missed and I am sure others will be along soon. 

Good luck and I look forward to following your journey !!

T xx


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