# Introducing myself today at 45



## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi All

Just thought I would introduce myself as I have just been directed to this board by one of the leads, and it has given me so much hope, in addition to all the lovely support and info I have received on bumps and babies abroad and clinics abroad.

Conceived naturally at 43 08/06 but sadly m/c 10/06 - I was absolutely gutted as I had never been pg with former husband.  So we headed for IVF cause of our ages - that's all they put our no baby bit down to, never had any immune tests - but going to ask the clinic on Mon, due to somebodys recommendation from another board on here.

So 3 IVF attempts, no baby, but got 2 frosties, and currently doing FET, first scan was last Fri, 2nd for day 12 on Mon.  So scared as I know this is my final attempt using my own eggs and DH's sperm.  If it doesnt work it is the donor egg thing, as we are not doing another IVF cycle and have tried to conceive naturally again, but no joy, although I have been late a couple of times, so I think it was early chemical m/c possibly.  

If it fails thats it, I am heading for abroad and have been printing off loads of info, and heard some great stories from the abroad boards and had great advice and info!!!!  People have been fab.

I dont think the FET will work, just a hunch plus my tarot card reading folks!  But if I didnt try I would always think what if?  

I wish you all the luck in the world on here and will keep an eye on you all and hope to read loads more lovely stories.

lots of hugs and love
Kathy xxx 

PS near to Tamworth if anybody lives near here, but have posted on the areas board for Warks


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## SWN (Jun 18, 2008)

Dear Kathy, aka Olgakorbut (only ladies as old as us would have any idea who that was!)

Just thought I'd briefly share my story with you.  I am also 45, DH 34.  We TTC "naturally" for a while and then gradually went on to the heavier stuff over a period of time.  Nothing worked. Finally this year, we decided that we would go down the donor egg route, a decision which in itself is fraught with issues, but I am thrilled to report that last week we got a fabulous BFP, from our 1st donor cycle!  

It took me a long time to accept that my eggs were not going to cut it, but I was really just kidding myself after having been unable to conceive for donkeys years.  I dont think donor eggs are for everyone, and I think is important to really exhaust the possibility of your own eggs before you go in to it.  We live in South Africa, and so donors are anonymous, all I know about mine (apart from the fact that she's obviously an angel) is that she's 26 and a few other physical characteristics. The clinic here in Johannesburg that I go to is really 1st class, but I think the ladies coming form the UK prefer to go to Cape Town for their treatment as its much more of a holiday destination than Jhb. I believe there are some excellent ones there.

Good luck with the FET - you never know it just might work! Fingers crossed for you.

SWN


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thank you so much SWN - how lovely to hear from somebody in S.A  yes I have read up on the Cape Town one, but will probably go closer to home.  It worked for you first time at 45 - gosh that gives me even more hope.  I dont want to get myself all built up too much though in case it isnt every going to happen that way, but its great to see so many success stories!

I will let you know how the FET goes and so pleased about your BFP - keep me posted on progress wont you, it would be lovely!
Kathy xxx

PS glad somebody knows who Olga is - currently I am looking for ajob and some of the agencies havent a clue!  I was a former British gymnast and idolised her when I was little!


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## SWN (Jun 18, 2008)

Olga was the reason so many of us little girls did gymnastics - I also idolised her.  And Ludmilla.    I never reached your level but I did club for a few years before I realised the instructor was a bit of a pervert and at 13 I ran as far away from it as I could!

Good luck with the FET 

SWN  xxx


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## laurainhk (Jul 20, 2008)

Hi there,
i am 44, and suffer from secondary infertility (got pregnant naturally 15 years ago, but it was ectopic and i lost a tube).
I live in Hong Kong, where the legislation makes it impossible for unmarried women to receive fertility treatments.
To cut a long story short, I wasted 5 years (precious time for someone my age) trying to get pregnant naturally before discovering that my partner's sperm was an issue. Unfortunately we split up last year, and i have been single since. I think i was in denial about my age  being fit, looking much younger, and hanging out with people younger than me blinded me to the fact that my eggs were probably aging faster than the rest of my body. 
The last time i checked my FSH it was 6, which sounds like very good news, but i was told that at my age it can fluctuate dramatically.

Now i am considering going to Brno in the Czech Republic, and using donor sperm.

Still undecided as to whether i should use my own eggs. The stats are not very good for people my age, and the cost involved in going to Europe for treatment is very high. 

What do you think?


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Laurain

Hope you are fit and well over there in Hong Kong - are you actually British and living there and are you coming back to the UK if you are not working?

Brno is one of the ones I am considering for egg donation, although Life at Athens could be my first choice, or IM or IVI in Spain.  It is so difficult to think about whether to try at 44 with your own eggs, and it must be particularly hard being on your own. I so admire you for going for it, and you never know you may meet somebody else one day, but if you really want a child, as I do, then go for it!!!!!

I wanted to try my own eggs I suppose because I actually conceived naturally at 43 as you know.  Now I look back and feel I wished we had tried naturally a bit longer, but we went down the IVF root because of our ages.  It hasnt worked so far.  See if you can get in touch with the consultant and send all your details to them to see what they feel.  Yes they say your eggs are as old as you, however there was an article in the Mail on Sunday yesterday about IVF treatments and one couple had tried it and then conceived naturally and she was 47.  It is possible, but my clinic said that they did not feel it would be worth us going for another full cycle.  We've been trying naturally again but nothing, so now I am in the week of trying my last two frosties.  

I think I would be tempted to try one lot, but definitely get in touch with your preferred clinic and see what they think when they look at your medical history.  If they feel you have a chance I would try to see how many eggs you can get at least once.  They would get fertilised with young sperm as well, as donors tend to be very young, so that may well increase your chances.  If you get some to freeze you could then try again at a much lower cost, although you would need to travel again!  After that I would try donor.

I had to have double dosage of everything due to my age, but it didnt really affect me badly.  You may have to do that too, but by levels were quite high too, certainly not 6!  Well done you!  If you can afford it go for more than once try your own first.  If it doesnt bother you that the child isnt biologically yours then you could do a complete embryo transfer in one go! I just cant afford to do much more with not working as you have probably read.

Gosh such a tough decision - get in touch with the clinic asap to get their feedback, whilst you are thinking about it.  Any reason you have chosen the Brno clinic - though supposed to be very good? Let me know what they say wont you.

Sorry if I havent been much help to you, but as said try once if they agree, if they can test your embryos to see how good they are even better. If frosties and can afford try again. After that if you want a child quickly go donor!

Good luck and keep in touch
Kathy xxxxx


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## laurainhk (Jul 20, 2008)

Hi Kathy,
thanks for your input!
Though i have been living in HK for most of my life, I am neither British nor Chinese. The reason why i would like to go to Brno (though no decision has been made yet) is because my family origin is Mitteleuropean and i have Slavic features. I thought that a baby conceived with the help of a Czech donor would still be somewhat related to my family by sharing part of our DNA. Having said that, if i could have  IVF in Hong Kong I would, even if the donor was Chinese. The problem is that this place is very very conservative... single women are not only banned from seeking fertility treatments, they are also less likely to have children. Having a child out of wedlock is still regarded as a shame. 

I wish i made the decision to go ahead alone a few years ago, but i used to live in a very small flat, my finances were not good, and my job wasn't secure. I also wasted a lot of time with men who couldn't make up their minds. 

Life here is very hectic, i was always busy, and never really noticed the passing of time.  One day i woke up and i was in my early 40s!

I am surrounded by people younger than me, or single women who regret not having children but cannot do much about it.

Going to Europe for IVF will mean taking time off work, but now i have my own business and can afford to. It will be expensive, so i can probably try it only once or twice. You are right, i should try with my own eggs first, and if it doesn't work, hopefully there will be some frosties. Failing that, i will need some counselling before going down the egg donor route. It took me a while to accept the idea that the child will not have a father, i am not ready to embrace the possibility that the child might not be biologically related to me either. I would probably be more open to it if i were in a relationship. 

Looking 10 years younger is a blessing and a curse, because it means i was in denial of my real age for so long 

I eat very healthy, practice yoga, go hiking every weekend, and can sleep till late in the morning. I still go out a lot, drink and enjoy my life. I stopped clubbing only a couple of years ago. Definitely a late bloomer.

I don't even know if i could get pregnant easily the natural way...which would save me the trouble of doing IVF. The fact is that all my ex-partners used condoms, or pullout method, therefore l couldn't even get pregnant "by accident" the way some friends of mine did, like stopping the pill without telling their reluctant boyfriend.

I have a friend who got pregnant naturally at age 46 and had a very easy pregnancy and delivery. Her partner was over the moon, even if they were not even living together. Miracles do happen...but not if a condom gets in the way.

Lots of baby dust and best of luck,
Laura


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

First thing I can say is can some men ever make up their minds!  Even when you love them to pieces you still get it - much as I love my hubby!

I can see why you are thinking of the Czech one, also just to let you know the Athens one tends to use East European people too, which is why I may head that way. Not because I have any of that blood in me, but I certainly dont have spanish looks!  I wont really mind though as long as I am lucky and have at least one I suppose.  The Life Clinic is also the cheapest on paper at the moment, which is a factor in my case.

It is amazing how time flies, I think once you hit 21 it whizzes past, not sure where mine went and the thought I am not that far from 50 scares me to death!  What is  your own business by the way? Shame you dont need a marketing manager - bit far for me to travel though!

I would try with your own eggs, you sound so fit and healthy puts me to shame as an ex gymnast!  I do eat healthily and walk the dogs but dont exercise like I used to and really should get back into it.  I love to swim but when you are having treatment or pregnant they say be careful!!!  You cant do right for wrong in treatment or when pg!  On you saying about having a child without a father, at least you are doing the decent thing, some women would just go out and have one night stands to get pregnant, which isnt really fair. That child will love you no matter what, even when you tell them, because they will know you conceived them and gave birth to them with so much love and want for them!

Condoms get in the way, that did make me laugh, never really had to use those, as I was on the pill, and when it was the done thing because diseases were more aware of I was with long term partners and I knew their past history!  Miracles can happen I know, but just dont leave it long honestly please dont, I would hate you to be in the same position as me.  I would look into it now, get loads of info and ask loads of questions of the potential clinics.  Look at the Life one and the IM and IVI in Spain as well as Brno.  Ask them all the same questions. the IM one were good when I emailed them, very detailed response.  At least you can get over there wherever you go and get all the tests done etc etc.  You watch just as you embark you will meet somebody!

Good luck to you and keep me posted on progress,
Get Moving!

best wishes
kathy xxxx


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## SWN (Jun 18, 2008)

Hi Laura

If the problem previously was your partner's sperm then I would definitely at least try 1st with your own eggs, and rather than IVF start with AI, maybe with some stimulation /  assisted tx for ensuring ovulation etc.  Not sure you have to start with IVF? 

I know the time ticking away thing all too well - DH and friends all at least 10 years younger than me (friend who is also 6 weeks pregnant now is 20 years younger!).  I think it has taken me this long to grow up and be truly ready to settle down and have a family, but the downside for me was that once I was ready, my eggs were just not up to scratch - and so my pregancy has resulted from donor eggs (for which I am eternally grateful).  They may have always been not up to scratch of course, I'll never know, but I would strongly recommend anyone who has decided they want to have a child to get on the tx train without delay!

Good luck with your decisions!

SWN


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## laurainhk (Jul 20, 2008)

thanks for your replies. I have just got back from holidays in Europe, and have some good news. I spent some time with an ex boyfriend of mine, we are still very close, though our relationship ended 20 years ago. He is ready to be a father but his current partner has grown-up children from a previous marriage and doesn't want more. His desire to have children came as a surprise, and he asked me if i wanted children.  At that point i told him about my plan to use an anonymous donor, though a known one would be preferable. He immediately volunteered! The idea of going ahead with IVF with him is very exciting, as he can be a supportive and loving father. We have known each other for 25 years, and have shared a lot in these years. More importantly, we share the same values, and ideas about the education and upbringing of a child. The only problem is that he lives in Europe, but is willing to spend some time with me in HK, and holidays together with our future child. He was so excited at the prospect that i had to curb his enthusiasm by explaining that our chances are very slim due to my age and previous tubal pregnancy (his fertility doesn't seem to be a matter of concern, his previous partner got pregnant but terminated her pregnancy due to clinical depression).
I don't want to raise his expectations, lest we get too disappointed, so we are already talking about egg donation in case our first attempt at IVF doesn't work.


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