# rant



## lisab1978 (Nov 17, 2009)

I need to have a rant and can't to my dh as he just doesn't understand.  just found out my step-daughter is pregnant with her 3rd child at only 22 and i am devastated, its just so unfair, she never wanted children and gets pregnant at the drop of a hat.  I don't know how much more i can take.  sometimes i feel like life is not worth living if i can't have a baby and it makes it so much worse when every time i look around some other family member is pregnant or just had a baby and i know i should be happy for them but i feel so jealous, then i feel guilty for having all these bad feelings.  most of the time i have to shut myself away in the house as there are so many babies and pregnant women around and i'm scared i am going to have a breakdown in the middle of the street as i am so close to losing it i can't cope anymore.  

well it feels better to let it all out.


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## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi,

I have just come onto ff after a long break, as couldn't handle it for ages. I know exactly how you feel and i am sorry i cannot help you with good words of advise  

I do know how you feel though, i hope this helps you a little. I have been ttc for 7 years and we have come to the end of a hard long journey with no baby. And there never will be a baby of our own  

I have just had a promotion at work, and my first job as manager was to risk asses a lady who is pregnant with her 5th, she is 43. I am 31 and have never been pregnant. I don't know how i held myself together last night when i was talking to her.

Don't get me wrong i'm happy for her, but eaten up with so many other awful emotions!

Thinking of you, your not alone

Love Donna x


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## lisab1978 (Nov 17, 2009)

thanks for your reply it helps to know there is someone out there who understands. i feel like such a horrible person for the way i feel. thanks


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Lisa,

I don't think you're horrible at all, just normal.
It's completely normal to have all these feelings. I get furious with young mothers, too, especially when they're very young, under 18 and they don't want babies, all they want is a good time. They don't have the maturity to care for children and then when you are mature (one way to put it!), nature decides you're too old! It is sickening.
If your stepdaughter doesn't want children why does she keep having them? There are ways to prevent it!
What an awful situation for you to be in. At least I am able to avoid familes and there's no one in my own family with a small child. I don't know if avoidance is always the best thing to do but I find I have to do it for my own sanity. 
I don't always come on here for long, as I find it can make me feel even worse. I can't stand the parenting sections and try not to look at them. Sometimes the whole site seems so negative and being over 40 I am tired of being told I may as well have one foot in the grave as try to have a family at my age. There is some evidence emerging that your eggs are not so useless as we've all been told, which may brighten the picture a bit. Some people on this forum have such heart breaking stories and they try so hard and for so long.
Donna, what an awful thing to have to do at work! How did you manage it? I find it hard enough when I have to teach child development as part of my job, especially as everyone else has children and knows the practical side of things! Eggs and grandmothers come to mind!
Don't blame yourself for your feelings, Lisa. You honestly can't help them. I hope you feel a little better soon.

Rowanx


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## lisab1978 (Nov 17, 2009)

hi rowan
thanks for your kind words, i am feeling abit better i just have to try not to think about it too much and also not to take it too personally.


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## Newday (Apr 27, 2005)

Hi Lisa

I know exactly how you feel. We have tried all our married life to get pg just before our first tretament stepson and girl friend announced they were pg an accident Oliver is 4.5 years old now the same age ours would of been if it hadn't died at 9 weeks. She is now pg again accident and expecting a gilr in April just what she wanted!!

Also SD has had 2 boys in the time we have been having txc, I had my last txc in Nov and at the moment I just cannot cope. I feel very depressed and want to cry all the time. They will all be here at some point over Christamas and I just don't feel I can put the brave face on.

I want more txc but I promised DH Nov would be the last one but I just cannot accept it.

How do you get past it?

Love Dawn


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## lisab1978 (Nov 17, 2009)

Hi dawn
me personally i don't think you ever get past it, we have been ttc for 6 years and it that time 6 babies have been born into our family. its so hard especially at this time of the year when everything is focused around kids. i do know that it helps to let it all out, i always feel better after talking to someone who knows how i feel and having a good cry really does help. 

Lisa


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

You are not alone.

After a long 9 years, terrible diagnosis for DH and near divorce over never being able to have a baby together that is genetically ours, and now having lost our precious donor conceived baby, I feel like it may never happen for us any way we try.

In the days after my miscarriage, I have had panic attacks in big public places and felt faint, nearly collapsed - so unlike me. I felt like buggies, babies and pregnant bumps were everywhere.

I feel like I am marching on, pretending I'm alive and doing every normal thing. But inside I feel dead, tearful and dispairing. I am so tired, I feel like I could curl up, go to sleep and never wake up again.

I have to work in a hospital and see lots of pregnant women at work, on the train etc.
Just had to look after a patient with the dreaded flu, they had to deliver the baby to save her and the baby. This is her 8th or 9th and am told most of those are in care or under protection orders - so bloody unfair when all I want is one, and I would cherish it more than my own life.

I have accepted my friends babies and pregnancies eventually. When one friend got pregnant, I cried so much for 3 days, it was embarrasing. I do find it a lot easier now. Counselling did help me to see that I can't change it, I can only change how I view life. I would never wish infertility on my friends or family. But it is hard, and I know exactly how you feel.


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