# Donor egg after naturally conceiving and loss of a child



## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Hello we are going for donor egg in Czech republic at the end of August. I have a daughter who is six years old conceived naturally and our other daughter was very sadly still born at 30 weeks in August 2015 she was also conceived naturally. We are heartbroken and have not been able to conceive even with ivf I am 43 in August and just wondered if there is anyone out there who has a naturally conceived child then donor egg child or suffered a still birth then donor egg child. How did you feel, cope. I am going through moments of anxiety and worry and would love to speak to someone. Thank you.


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## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Hi I'm so sorry about your stillbirth   I lost our first baby at 20 weeks a few years ago and that was hard enough. I've had numerous rounds of ivf since then with own eggs, all resulting in miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy very early on. My local consultant has been advising donor eggs ever since our loss due to my age, but I wasn't ready - I'm now very glad DE exists and hoping we might finally/eventually have our family this way. I'm also nearly 43 and have cried about not having a baby that will look like me (I guess there will continue to be ups & downs at times), but currently like I say, I'm just glad DE exists! I'm sure there will be others here who can reassure you too  

Wishing you all the best with your Czech cycle!   x


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Thank you for your message strawberry sundae. So sorry to hear of your loss and also your difficult journey with ivf. It is so cruel and heart wrenching isn't it you always think it wouldn't be you. Yes also glad DR exists I am scared anxious but also excited as hoping this will work.

There is something called epigenetics and they say 20% of the mothers genes are passed to the baby or the mother has control over which is genes reach baby. So that's good to know and I hold onto that.

Thank you for your best wishes. Good luck also with your journey xx

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3259508/Scientists-hail-amazing-discovery-s-revealed-infertile-mothers-use-donor-eggs-pass-DNA-children.htmlberry


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hi, 
I haven't lost a child but had mcs with my own eggs and moved to DE. I have a son now and I truly believe I couldn't love him more if I had used my eggs. He also looks very like me as a child and like and my sister niece and nephew. Now whether that'ds down to epigenetics or not I don't know. I suspect the clinic matched me and the donor very well. 
Good luck.


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## AllyL (Feb 24, 2017)

So sorry to hear of your loss, how heartbreaking.....while not in exact same position,  I can understand some of the dilemmas you must be considering right now. We have 8 yr old son, conceived naturally, and after a complete inability since then to get pregnant with #2 (low AFC/poor responder to ivf (me) and auto immune disease (DH) and now age (both now 41 yrs)) - we have been looking into donor eggs, also in Czech republic. My DH thinks miracles can happen and we should hold out a little longer in hope of  conceiving naturally/IVF with own eggs (but really, if didn't happen at 35yrs, unlikely/impossible to happen at 41yrs right?!) .....as for me, I don't know whether to finally accept that #2 is just not meant to be, or to "make" it happen by pursuing DE. Some of my dilemmas:  (1) should we do whatever we can to provide sibling for our son, even though I won't be biologically related? I also read half siblings only share 25% of the same genes, similar to genetic links with cousins - but I guess it's not about the genes, but about all the positives a sibling relationship can provide. I also worry about my son being an only child; (2) Is the age gap too big now anyway for our son and new baby to have a meaningful relationship? On this I think no, as I have a half sib 15 years younger and we have a wonderful relationship and he's a big part of my life; (3) Can I really accept any DE child not sharing any of my genes/features.....is this just a matter of vanity/ego or something more...and related to this, using a donor without seeing a photo etc worries me;  and (4) one of the bigger issues: would we tell our son and the DE baby about his/her origins....and as a flow-on, if we go to czech republic where DE is anonymous, will this lead to our DE conceived child having identity issues and feeling a huge loss at not knowing their heritage and at least having chance to meet biological mother, and could this result in teen angst moments of "you are not even my real mother?!". Anyway, curious to know how you get on in the Czech republic - can I ask if you are considering Reprofit? Best of luck and I hope everything goes well


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am sorry to know about your loss. I can't help with my personal experiences, just wanted to wish good luck x


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Hello LPJ thank you so much for your reply  ahh that's amazing and so lovely to hear.  I know as soon as I meet little one I will fall in love it will be a nerve racking journey. Did you go abroad? If so where did you go? Xx


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Thank you for your response. I have and still have these questions going around my head and at times I feel quite panicked. We have been advised to tell our daughter once baby is born that a loveky lady let us have one of her eggs and to bring into conversation with the little one from an early age so it's not sprung on them as a teenager. I am sure there will be difficulties during the teenage years I know I was with my parents! 

Yes I also get sad about the child not being genetically related but some of our genetics can pass through and stops other genetics getting through so I try to look at this way. Also you hear of so many babies looking like their mum's, they also take on our mannerisms.

After losing our daughter nearly two years ago i have also been waiting for that miracle pregnancy I only took a month or 2 to conceive in both pregnancies and so have been shocked and disheartened it didnt/hadn't happened.  Also Being advised that having a "younger egg" would  be a more positive outcome made us look more into DE. 

We decided on reprovit and Czech due to the positive feedback, care and of course cost if we had to try twice (hopefully not) we can possibly afford this,  but UK and spain we couldn't. 

I have also gone through and still am "should we just keep our family as it is" or "we are interfering with nature" but my daughter misses her sister so much and missed having a sibling to share things with and I know when we are older I will feel better they are together.  I also worry about the age gap or if if is not a girl would they have anything in common or be connected, but i know we will try to deal with that when it happens. 

My parents are both Welsh and I have been devastated that I will not pass on my Welsh genes to the baby and it broke my heart (my hubby is English). I felt a little better when we decided to tell my parents what we were doing and they were over the moon and couldn't be happier, I felt a huge release when I told them and I wasn't carrying this whole "taboo"subject on my shoulders. 

I have so many worries don't get me wrong and I want to scream and cry at times that I may not bond or I'll be the odd one out and I'll feel excluded or the baby will look nothing like me, but i have to keep looking at the bigger picture and the end result is we do what a fifth member of our family for us and for our daughters. 

If you look at what you want at the end or i always think what would i regret the most on my death bed and go from there. 

Good luck with everything too and I'll let you know. Xx


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Thank you for your kind message. Good luck too xx


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Good luck _Poppie_. I went to Instituto Bernabeu in Alicante, Spain.


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Hi ljp.  I just wanted to ask.how long you were asked to stay in Spain. Reprofit have asked my to be there for 7 days. This means I have to be over there on my own as we haven't got child care for my daughter. I'm very anxious of being on my own especially after during transfer. Xd


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hi, 
We made a holiday of it twice so stayed two weeks but i had a FET on a Saturday and I was just there Friday to Sunday. I know some women just went for the day. They always confirmed the donors egg collection two days before and advised not to book flights til then. Do you have a partner? If so when's he going out?


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## tigershaz (Mar 7, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. I have a five year old son conceived naturally after a 7 year battle including failed ivf with my own eggs. He was a complete surprise as we had been told that we only had a 1% chance of success with IVF and no chance naturally. 
We feel very lucky to have him but I have struggled for the last couple of years with the concept of him not having a sibling. Coupled with having two early losses since having him. We have a very small family with no other children, his cousins are all in their 20's already, I know that he will have friends, but he won't have much in the way of family. 
We are trying to decide whether donor egg ivf is the right thing to do, it's our only option as I am now 46 and perimenopausal. Some days I think that it just wasn't meant to be and that we shouldn't go down that route along with the complications it brings in terms of telling/not telling etc, plus there would be a big age gap between them. Other days I long for another child so badly, especially when you see other siblings playing together or when I get asked by complete strangers whether I have any other children.
Need to find a way to move forwards one way or another.


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## Polargirl1 (Jun 28, 2013)

Hi Poppie, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

I could have written a similar post myself a year ago. My situation is that I have a 6 year old daughter (conceived naturally and easily) and lost a little boy due to Downs at 15 weeks (own egg after IVF). I considered donor egg for a long time and am now looking at my 5 week old (donor conceived) daughter sleeping next to me who I cannot imagine loving more and am already thinking about doing it again!  

I went to Gennet in CZ and was extremely happy with their care and skill. I'm not sure my second daughter particularly looks like me although some people say she does and some say she looks like our 6 year old. However if you look round at all your friends not all siblings look the same.

I will be honest with you and say there are days when I still mourn having another genetic child but those moments are getting less and I don't think I could love my baby more if she was genetically my egg. I look at her and my first thought is how unbelievably lucky we are to have been given this gift of donor egg and to have been able to have a second child when for so many years we didn't think it would happen. This was also my second attempt at donor egg as although your chances are much higher with donor, it doesn't always work first time.

We have 2 embryos left in the freezer which are both donor egg and donor sperm (we did 50/50 own sperm/donor sperm) and I would have no hesitation in using those in the future.

I have several friends who have adopted children and they are no less their parents than we are with our first born. Families come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

I am very happy to chat further if you want to PM me.
Lots of luck xx


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## Poppiej2006 (May 17, 2017)

Thank you. Only 4 days until we go.. . Very Nervous


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Poppie - good luck in your treatment. I have never regretted going down the DE route. I love them so much and I barely give the donor aspect another thought, except now my son is 3, and nursery are doing a topic about families, so need to consider how to approach this issue. My daughter is only 10 months so this doesn't arise with her yet. When my son says he loves me, I melt and I don't think he isn't part of me. My daughter only has eyes for me and when I am breast feeding her, she loves to touch my hair, my face etc and I am so in love with her.
People comment how much like me they both are.


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