# That first meeting and those first few weeks



## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi all

We are approaching matching panel on 1st July with all being well, intros to start mid-late July. Busy getting the house ready - so much to do!

Im just wondering what that very first meeting will be like. We are matched to boy aged 23 months and girl aged 11 months (though they will be 1 and 2 by time we meet)

What was your very first meeting with your child / children like? Im very nervous! and excited...but nervous

And what were those first few weeks after they moved in with you like? Just wondering if anyone can tell me their experiences and has any pearls of wisdom

All feels a bit surreal that this might actually could be happening!!  

xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

First of all congratulations on your match   

Fortunately for my second intros I learnt from the mistakes made during my first intros.  My biggest recommendation is to enjoy your time.  That may sound obvious but the fact is that you will be so nervous and full of questions, will they like me? are the FC's watching how we do things? what have we let ourselves in for?

Let the children come to you, don't overwhelm them with presents and things, keep things low-key.  Ask the FC's lots of questions about the children's routines try to get as much info as possible .  When they first move in just spend lots of time with them on your own, try to keep visitors to a minimum (all the sort of stuff they recommend on the prep course).

It is easy to want to turn into Supermum and do all the things that you envisage that you should be doing with your children but the reality might not turn out as you planned especially with two young children.  If that happens just go with the flow and don't feel guilty that you are not giving them everything you feel they should have, the only thing they really need is time to get to know you.  Don't worry about housework and things like that just focus on your relationship on the kids, however don't forget to find sometime for yourself as an individual and also with your partner.  

I can recommend The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland as a book to help with bonding and how to deal with akward behaviour.  With my DS the first few months were fine, but after about 6 months he wanted to make sure that we were there forever and started testing the boundaries in a serious way.  Yours are obviously of an age where they may be hitting the "terrible twos" even if they weren't dealing with the trauma of being placed.

Best of luck x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

awww, you've brought back so many memories!  Our intros were 2 and 3 years ago this month.

I'll try to keep this short......  

Cookie - age 16 months.

We had a planning meeting and went straight to the FC house after it.  The meeting was really difficult, as had the Matching Panel as the FC's were devastated to be losing Cookie.  They had wanted to adopt her but were told they were too old.  They were very very upset for the entire week which was hard for us.  We spent more time dealing with their emotions than ours!

Anyway, we walked into the house and I remember so clearly setting eyes on her for the first time.  She was handed straight to me (not recommended, but didn't cause any problems) and I squeezed her so tight.    We sat on the couch and I said "Hello Cookie, I'm your mummy and this is your daddy" and we had a cry while Cookie laughed at us! We spent about 2 hours at the house as the male FC had gone out and the female FC wouldn't let us leave until her husband was back as she couldn't cope with the trauma of us leaving.  We obviously didn't mind staying longer!

Intro went generally very well.  Only 2 tricky times, one being when Cookie had had a bad night and the FC were going to phone us to tell us not to come!  They changed their mind, or I'd have been straight on the phone to SW.

One thing I'd say is don't be worried about speaking out if you are not comfortable about something.  The FC routine for Cookie was to give her a huge bowl of adult porridge, followed by a bottle of milk which she drank while propped up in the FC's bed. Then the FC would lie beside her until she fell asleep then she'd be lifted into her own bed.  I should have been stronger but wasn't - I ended up lying in the FC bed while Cookie was hysterical then promptly sicked up all the porridge.  It was awful.  The FC came in and we were banished from the house to a local hotel.

Cookie herself was amazing.  Took to us really well, though we did have one bad day which was the first day she came to our house.  The FC's just left her at the door and refused to come in and settle her as it was too upsetting for them!  Cookie cried for 8 hours. 

When she did move in, the first 6 weeks were hard but amazing.  I think the first 6 weeks are always hard, so be prepared for it!  At first she bonded more with me and screamed whenever I left the room which was hard but secretly quite nice    The first night was tough but that's to be expected (and it didn't help that she fell off a rocking horse and hurt her head). 

Dino - age 13 months

Dino's intros were a completely different experience.  His FC was fab and knew that their job was to care for him only until his new family were ready.  The first time I saw him was when I walked up the drive of the FC house and he was waiting at the door for me.  He was handed straight to me and I introduced ourselves to him.  Cookie was with us which made things different as it was the first time they had met and they are full siblings.  Intros were a breeze, FC were stars and we keep in touch regularly.  the first 6 weeks were awful, but that was mostly due to the impact his arrival had on Cookie.

We fell in love with both our children straight away, but the bond deepens over time.  It's so worth it all, it really is  

bx


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

wow thank you both, that is very helpful, it helps to put a picture on how things might be for us. 

I am soooo nervous!! but excited too 

xx


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

Just a little update

Intros went well and they moved in with us on Wednesday. Today end of 3rd full day.....

Having a wonderful time with them (aged 25months and 13 months, boy and girl)....Won't lie, its been challenging at times....One is very clingy the other very unsettled and testing boundaries. Seeing a lot of behaviour that shows are in 'survival mode' and some regressive behaviour too but on the whole happy, laughing, smiling, cuddles and kisses and we can't believe they are here!!   

currently sleeping, hoping they go the whole night........


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

So glad your family is now with you     .

Enjoy the times ahead together.

Cindy


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Congratulations, sounds lovely!


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