# A Very Delicate Issue - Feedback please!!



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Girls

I wonder if I could ask you to share some of your stories with me.  This morning DH finally went to see our GP.  He didnt want to go but I asked him nicely so he went for me.  Here's why...

We have been ttc for almost 7 years.  I dont O unmedicated which means that my only chance of conceiving is through fertility treatment of some kind.  We took Clomid for 6 months last year of which 4 of those were at a doseage that worked - all BFN.  Then we started back on Clomid in June but were put back on 50mg again for 3 months even though it didnt work last time, or this time.  So, this is my 2nd month on 100mg and I know Im Oing, Im not stressing out about it!

Anyway, we only 4 more cycles of Clomid left then I have to wait several years for IVF.  There is no IUI in my area despite being told I was on the wiaitng list for it last March - great eh?

As you can imagine, all this has taken its toll on poor DH.  ^bms^ is just not what it used to be even though we dont time it, we just ^bms^ all month! haha  The problem is, he feels a pressure to perform all the time now.  In my mind obviously Im aware if its "time" or not but I dont tell him.  As a result, how can I put this, he initially is "ready" but it doesnt last long enough to "perform" shall we say.  This is weird though, if we have a break for a while, the first 2 nights back on the ^bms^ no problem, but every single night after that there is a problem resulting in some nights being a no-go.

Today he goes to the GP, who is really nice and knows how long we have been ttc so is very understanding.  He just asked if there was anything he could take even just 4 or 5 times in the month to help things along - and of course relieve the anxiety he feels all the time.  Of course, he is a fit healthy young man so he cannot get viagra or anything like that.  What the GP did next really embarrassed him so much but I think its a great idea (or maybe Im just weird!).  She left the room and came back with some sample jars and a couple of syringes.  She said, if it gets bad and you cant do it, maybe you could DIY into the jar and I (thats me not the GP lol) could do the rest - a bit like the turkey baster thing! haha

Now, I think thats a fab idea as at least its better than nothing at all but he was really embarrassed by it.  I think he just hates talking about the fact he is having problems.  We have tried everything to help but its just not working, its been going on way too long now and we are both aware that the clock is ticking.

What I wanted to ask you girls is firstly if anyone else is in the same boat and how you are coping with it?  Also, has anyone tried the syringe thing before and does it work, or can it work (obviously GP thinks so)?  

I hope you dont mind me posting this, it is a really delicate issue and DH would go nuts if he knew, but sometimes you feel its just you its happening too and it would be good to hear from other people and find out how you are coping, or even if you are coping.

Thanks for your feedback, its much appreciated 

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


----------



## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

hi Witchie

i hope you get some feedback from the girls, it might also be worth posting on the relationship and BMS board.  I wouldnt say its a problem as it isnt often but my dh has had instances when we he has struggled to stay "to attention" if you get me!  as i say, only happened a couple of times in all the time we've been ttc and i can understand how your dh would be feeling.  I definitely think that not putting pressure on them and them not knowing when the right time is does help.  Sorry I could not help more xxx


----------



## Mrs G (Aug 11, 2004)

Your's is a really common problem!  My DH used to hate performing to the clock so to speak as it kills all the romance and spontaneousness.  However, behind the closed door of the bathroom, you'll probably find DH has no trouble at all, especially if he has a little "reading material" When we went for IVF they gave DH a video!! You could both try watching one yourselves(together) if you're really desperate!!
IUI is basicly turkey basting with a long nosed syringe which they pass through the neck of the cervix.  It's supposed to help resolve the problem of a mucus plug over the cervix, and the sperm is washed in case you are reacting to the seminal fluid. (I assume his sperm count is OK?) 
Just bear in mind that daily BMS is not necessary to conceive, and alternate nights might suit him better.  The egg survives until it reaches the womb, which can take 3-4 days.  I used to tell DH when the "right time" was as then we could have a more normal love life the rest of the month.
I hope things work out for you - I am dreading having to do it again, but my DD has made it all worth while.

LOL Caroline xx


----------



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Thank you for your comments, it really helps to know we are not alone.  We dont  every day, only every 2 - 3 days, although over fertile time sometimes it is each day but it varies, to keep DH guessing!

He said the GP told him that the syringe is what is used in IUI so that agrees with what you said, although I obviously dont have the cathetar part for the end of it.  Hopefully it wont come to that but at least I know its there if I need to.

DH certainly has no probs in the privacy of the bathroom, funny you saying that! lol  We are both under a lot of stress and its easy to forget that the man gets pretty stressed about ttc as well as us women.  We do our best to stay positive and we dont obsess about it but its hard to ignore after all this time.

I will keep you posted anyway.  In the meantime if anyone has anything else to add, or would like to share their own story I would much love to hear it.

Hugs

Witchie Poo cat


----------



## Lillyanne (Jan 11, 2005)

Hello

Sorry for butting in but just wanted to say that as far as I am aware it's a pretty common problem and you are not alone.  If you did want to try Viagra then it may be worth looking into getting it over the internet.  It is also sold over the counter in many European countries but not here!

I know that buying medicine over the internet doesn't seem like a good idea to everyone and I think you would need to be picky about where you buy it but I actually bought my clomid tablets over the internet.  I knew that I needed them in order to OV and there was a 6 month waiting list in my area just to see the specialist and maybe get a prescription so I decided that I would order some and see how I got on whilst waiting for my appointment.  Luckily I conceived 3rd go and didn't even make it to the fertility appointment!

It is so frustrating how long the waiting lists are sometimes it's anough to drive anyone  !!

Anyway, up to you but I thought I would mention it.

I wish you every luck in the world and hope you get a   very soon.

Lillyanne xx


----------



## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

OMG!!

I have heard of people doing the 'syringe thing', but cant belive your GP came out with it like that!!
But, it is a very good idea. You poor hubby, my BF would have been soo embarrassed, in fact, i dont think he would have gone to GP in the 1st place!! So, that is good of him to go along. I think men know that we are in the right time, or wrong time of the month etc.. and reckon they do feel pressurized to 'perform'   and that puts them off a bit. I try not to mention that it's the best time (tell him after and usually i'm more up for it then the rest of the month, LOL!)  

I def think by trying to chill out and not get obsessed about TTC it is better all round. I got pg when I chilled out more and stopped using OPK's and BF seemed less worried etc.. too.

Well, have fun.... sounds like its worth a go  

Jo xx

PS. thanks for the PM


----------



## Vikster (Oct 11, 2005)

I have not had the same problem but I do think that sometimes we (certainly I do) forget how hard it is on our DH.  They do their best to cheer us up and do anything we ask but I can imagine that must be a lot of pressure.  Men also feel they have their pride and ego's to look after sometimes I think they don't want to admit that they feel pressured.  

Perhaps if hes feeling pressurised give him a nice relaxing massage (for starters).


----------



## tbird (Sep 20, 2005)

I am so glad you brought this up. I get realy frustrated if my dh is working or too tired when its the right time for bms and he gets frustrated later in the month when I am too tired .  I long for the days when we just did it when we wanted.  Now if I miss bms around o then i see it as a wasted month and get realy annoyed with myself and my dh which is so unfare on him. 
People will say just relax and it will happen  but they are not the ones who have watched every month go by with nothing.
The syringe idea would probably horrify my dh so I dont think I will mention it


----------



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hiya again

yes, it was very brave of DH to toddle off to the GP on his own and bring it up.  I did actually ask him before Christmas last year but he kept coming up with excuses to cancel his appointment, I cant believe he finally went.

We had ^bms^ last night and the same old problem again    But, we are using Pre-seed now and I have to say that it helped a lot, not as much firmness required initially if you know what i mean!

I dont think he wants me to have to resort to the syringe thing but I honestly dont care about using it if I have to, its better than no  in there at all!  

Its my birthday later this week so secretly Im hoping for a conception for a birthday present!! haha  How do you rate my chances??  second thoughts, maybe dont answer that one!  

Ive been doing some research on the net about Viagra, I know hubby really wanted it as psychologically I think it would have removed a lot of the anxiety which in itself would induce results.  I have found a herbal alternative which seems pretty good and without all the nasty side effects (and includes a money back guarantee too).  Might speak to DH later and see if he wants me to get it for him.  

Thank you girls for responding to my original post with sensitivity.  It is a very difficult thing to talk about, and certainly its not something I tell my friends and family about so it really helps having a safe, secure place to discuss these things and get some feedback.

Time for a  

Witchie Poo Cat


----------



## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

Hi Again,

The herbal viagra sounds a really good idea. He hasn't got high blood pressure or anything has he? dont want him poppin off 'on the job'    Is pre seed just a lube that is ok to use whilst TTC or does it have other 'properties' ??    Maybe a nice glass of wine or few drinks would help him, and perhaps you could treat yourself on your b'day too    I find drink a gr8 relaxer  

Good Luck again.... Jo x


----------



## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

hiya Jo, I've tried pre-seed for the first time this month as I don't make much cm.  its safe when ttc and is good for the   to swim in!  I'll try anything  
hope you are ok xxx


----------



## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

Thanks Flower. AF showed up today, so bit cheesed off    Looks like i will be trying Clomid v soon!
Jo x


----------



## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Awww Jo    fingers crossed  that clomid works for you   xxx


----------



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hiya

I must admit Im really pleased with the Preseed, its just more natural feeling than other stuff Ive used.  Also, it is the only lube that is totally safe for the  and they can easily pass through it  .

Gonna wait and see if I get a   this month.  If I dont then I will order some of the herbal stuff.  He doesnt have any heart problems so should be ok.  Showed him the website last night and he seems to like the idea of this stuff so we'll see.  Hopefully the baby-god will be watching over me and decide that this is my month for a BFP with it being my birthday etc etc ! haha  Am hoping I wont be needing the herbs! lol

Incidentally, my OPK was positive yesterday so lots more  last night and NO PROBLEMS!! woohoo, its amazing what one "scottish sized" measure of vodka can do for a man  ! 

Hope you girls all having a great week.

TTFN

Witchie Poo Cat


----------



## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

i like your style witchy    keep those cupboards stocked full of vodka!!

glad to hear the BMS was a success


----------



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Flower

haha, yeah we cracked open the blue label from last years duty free - i knew it would come in hand eventually!  poor DH, nearly blew his brains out!  I said "well you did say you only wanted ONE, just made it a BIG one"  

Thanks for all the postive vibes, good luck for you too 

Hugs

WPC


----------

