# Trying to move on after 5 years ttc baby no. 2



## Hopeful-for-2💫 (11 mo ago)

Hi all, I'm new to this thread. Myself (33) and my husband (38 ) have been trying to conceive a 2nd baby for 5 years now. I have pcos and endometriosis. My dd was born after 2 months of trying naturally so I took that as a sign that it would be easy again, how wrong was I!

We've tried naturally, tried clomid, letrozole, ovarian drilling and two cycles of IVF. We have just recently found out that the 2nd transfer failed. We have no more embryos in storage and its taken its toll on our finances. 

Also mentally I have never felt this drained and low in my life so I don't think I can bare to do any more treatment for the fear of the constant disappointments. 

We have decided to move forward and try to move past the thought of another child and I am so grateful of course for my dd. The grief is so difficult as I desperately wanted this not only for us but for dd to have a sibling.

Anyone going through this or has been through the giving up process and has come out of the other side, please can you give me any advice of how to pull myself out of this pit of sadness and disappointment? I want to be able to move our lives forward and past all of this but it's hard to let go of something you tried so hard and for so long to have 😞


----------



## LizN (8 mo ago)

Hopeful-for-2💫 said:


> Hi all, I'm new to this thread. Myself (33) and my husband (38 ) have been trying to conceive a 2nd baby for 5 years now. I have pcos and endometriosis. My dd was born after 2 months of trying naturally so I took that as a sign that it would be easy again, how wrong was I!
> 
> We've tried naturally, tried clomid, letrozole, ovarian drilling and two cycles of IVF. We have just recently found out that the 2nd transfer failed. We have no more embryos in storage and its taken its toll on our finances.
> 
> ...


Oh honey you are so young, I think you shouldn't give up! I know how you feel though...
I'm much older than you and I've tried so many times but while there is still hope I will not stop.
And I hope you can find your path❤


----------



## Hopeful-for-2💫 (11 mo ago)

I know what you mean. We cant afford any more ivf so if we were to continue trying we would have to go back to trying naturally again. I only managed to get two viable embryos the last cycle. Not only do I have pcos and endometriosis but my husbands sperms analysis showed 0% motility. I just feel like I'm at a crossroads where we could live in hope and keep trying or we could move forward. The disappointment is heart wrenching every time and I know trying naturally we have very little hope to cling on in the first place. Mom guilt plays a part too, I feel like the more I cling onto this the more I pull focus from my dd. And then on the other hand I'd love for her to have a sibling. It's such a horrible contradictory place to be 😞


----------



## LizN (8 mo ago)

Hopeful-for-2💫 said:


> I know what you mean. We cant afford any more ivf so if we were to continue trying we would have to go back to trying naturally again. I only managed to get two viable embryos the last cycle. Not only do I have pcos and endometriosis but my husbands sperms analysis showed 0% motility. I just feel like I'm at a crossroads where we could live in hope and keep trying or we could move forward. The disappointment is heart wrenching every time and I know trying naturally we have very little hope to cling on in the first place. Mom guilt plays a part too, I feel like the more I cling onto this the more I pull focus from my dd. And then on the other hand I'd love for her to have a sibling. It's such a horrible contradictory place to be 😞


You shouldn't blame yourself honey, it's a tough road...maybe with taking a little break you can make a fresh start ❤


----------



## Hopeful-for-2💫 (11 mo ago)

Yeah you're right, I'm going to focus on my health in general at the moment and getting that to it's best, exercising and eating well. Going to look into the best supplements for pcos and then maybe reevaluate things in a year. Thank you for your replies. Sometimes feels like you're all alone in this and its a crazy space to be mentally! Xx


----------



## Liv M (7 mo ago)

Hello Hopeful-for-2 

I have just joined this site today as I am so grief stricken at our IVF process I need to be connected to people who understand how painful this process is in so many ways.

I am 41 now, my fiancé 40. I have a gorgeous 10 year old boy whom I had naturally from a previous relationship. My fiancé hasn’t any children, but an incredible step father to my son. We’ve had 3 Egg collections, 4 FET and 1 miscarriage in 2 1/2 years of IVF. I’ve just this Saturday 3rd June tested negative from a whole new egg retrieval (the 3rd) which we had 20 good ovaries and only 1 reached blastocyst day 5 to freeze. This 1 ended up fizzling out at the thawing process so we used our last remaining one from a previous collection which wasn’t a fantastic grade.
I say I feel devastated is an understatement. My fiancé is beside himself. He sadly he has poor quality and mortality sperm, which has for worse over the 2 1/2 years. Our hearts are in so much pain. I developed anxiety and panic attacks after my miscarriage last year as it was quite a roller coaster. Faint heartbeat at one scan, fast at another then completely stopped at the third scan. 💔
We’ve spent a fortune on trying to have a baby together and extending our little family.
I’ve gone up 3 dress sizes in the 2 1/2 years of condensed IVF, I don’t recognise my body and question where life has gone whilst being in the IVF bubble. Don’t get me wrong we’ve done a lot and had some amazing times the 3 of us but IVF steals your mind!? Today I had therapy as I was falling apart at work, I hold it all together with a happy mummy face when my son is home but when he’s at school I just unravel. I’m so grateful for all I have, my fiancé, my son…however my motherly instinct and burning desire for a baby is so strong…it’s the same gut wrenching story I read on these forums and just cry for all you lovely ladies and partners who want it so much too.
We can not throw anymore money at this, my body is so tired from the medication, oh god isn’t the come down awful??! 😔 
We plan to get back to who we used to be before this IVF journey as a couple. We will definitely have a biopsy on my fiancés sperm (any info anyone on that would be incredible!) and see if there’s an issue then try naturally, the fun way!! And all relaxed….

I’d say for sure to you, take a nice long break….You’re so young the pair of you…remember miracles do happen when you least expect it! Sending you a virtual hug…😊


----------



## Hopeful-for-2💫 (11 mo ago)

Hi Liv M

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this too. It's incredibly painful and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. 
The grief you feel is next level and I totally understand when you say you don't know where your life has gone. Fertility takes over everything and that's harder to accept when it doesn't work out in the end. I feel like the last 5 years has been a waste and we're still where we were then (although I know I would have wondered if I didn't try).
I'm also having counselling through my hospital. I've had a few sessions now and it does help to talk it through so I'd say keep going with therapy as that's going to help you towards healing your mind. I hope your work are supportive too?
The come down is brutal. Have lots of rest and drink lots of water to help with the bloating. I'm waiting for my next period which is sluggish and slow so I think my body is still adjusting.
I think you're right, we are putting fertility away for now, wether we revisit we will see but for now we are going to focus on the future we can control and focus on being happy. 
Lots of love to you and your hubby, I hope this all works out for you, we all deserve a happy ending! Big hugs xxx


----------

