# Help feeling old



## bell (May 17, 2005)

hi ladies

Please help me l am feeling crap today, the reason for it is i am the BIG 40 on saturday and life has just hit me big time, the goals i set myself i have and carnt reach one been a mother before i hit 40, passing my driving test before i am 40, nearly but not ready and just feeling gutted,we are having a party but feel really scared not had so many people round me since starting and finishing the IVF so alittle worried as well, ladies please please help has anyone felt like this before 


bell


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hi Bell x 

Wanted to send you a hug, sorry to hear you feeling so down.

Not being able to be a mother by 40 is something that was completely out of you control, and you must not see it as 'failing'. Life let you down, but you yourself are NOT a failiure  

As for your driving test...you said you are nearly there, so maybe think about how far you've come. Maybe its a case of just moving your deadline, or maybe telling yourself it doesn't matter when you pass, you know you can do it, and when you do you will be so chuffed. If its any comfort I had 'pass my driving test' on my new year resolution list for 3 years on the trot, but I got there eventually!

Would it help to try and refocus what you think of as achievments in your life? Maybe sit down and draw up a list of all the things you have achieved that you never expected to, and things that maybe you overlook but actually are really positive things - even small things can be bigger achievments than you realise.

Or maybe you could see 40 as a time for setting yourself some new goals, something really exciting and positive, and best of all a real treat for you? Like an exotic holiday destination, or something exciting and a bit wild to make you feel young again (which you still are, by the way!   ) like having a flying lesson or bungee jumping  

Sorry if not much help. 
E x


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there bell

I type this from the "dark side" so to speak in that I crashed through the 40 barrier last December and I too missed a personal goal which was parenthood by 40.

Age is a tricky business no matter your circumstances. I know somebody who suffered when they turned 21 who otherwise had not a care in the world  so it's hardly surprising you're feeling it.

I like Ermey's idea.  Take 10 to list all the really positive things in your life and set a few personal goals for your 40s.

I decided that having spent the better part of my 30s in persuit of parenthood, I decided on a new tack for my 40s and we made a commitment to grow old as disgracefully as possible.  And honestly, it's such fun and I feel younger now than I have done for years.

Go on, give yourself a treat and have a style make over or a personal shopper for your birthday and go to your own party looking drop dead gorgeous.  Get your hair done, buy expensive undies, do what ever it takes to make you feel good and join me on the other side!

Whatever you decide I hope you both enjoy your party.

flipper


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Bell, good to see you again honey  

You know what hon? Your treatment failed you, not the other way around - you gave it your very best shot and sadly for you and for all of us here, it didn't work out... my next birthday I shall be 40 too and I am hoping to be able to concentrate on what I have in the here and now although I appreciate it can be so hard to do that sometimes!

As for your driving, you will get there in the end hon, I promise you - I am still learning to drive too - even with my bike test it took 2 attempts to get there but I did in the end! 

I am loving what the other 2 ladies have suggested to you - what cracking ideas  

I hope you have yourself a lovely party and you get some time to pamper yourself before the day - remember we are always here if you need to chat!

Finally, wishing you the very best for your birthday  and hoping you get spoilt rotten! 

   

Love
Emcee xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Bell,
Sorry to hear you are dreading the big 40. When mine came around I somehow managed to get away without having a party. I didn't want to celebrate - and was utterly miserable. But hey - it's just a number. Reminds me of all the statistics they quote at you in IVF. I say we are more than numbers or statistics! We are individuals! Let's break free from the tyranny of numbers!
I say rah rah for surviving 40 years on planet earth! And may you have many more.
Bernie x


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## helen273 (Jan 26, 2006)

Bell

I was 40 in March and had just started my last tx, so couldn't party even if I'd wanted to. I ended up doing the driving to my birthday meal with friends. It must have looked very odd to them, I am usually the first to ask for a large glass of red. 

I have been feeling proper past it, old and fat (thanks to the hormones of last tx which made me enormous!) the past few months too. Some days are better than others, but I am gradually getting to the stage of having equal(ish) numbers of bad and good days. I think this is down to 

1) A lot of shopping
2) Some nice weather (at last)
3) Being able to have wine again
4) Forcing myself to do exercise, which is gradually beginning to work on my flab. The side effect of endorphins is good too.
5) Reading lots of articles about how green I am not having children (supposedly it will be very cool to be childless in 20yrs - though not convinced yet!)
6) Some more shopping
7) Coming on here and reading about others who are feeling exactly the same. 
 Doing something about my stagnating career after 5 years of 'holding on just in case I get pregnant', and putting up with a c**p job where I spend all day with insensitive idiots who have nothing else to talk about except football and their kids. I think they lost their personalities in the maternity wing.

Helen


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Helen,

Where did you read that it's going to be cool to be childless in 20 years? I think I need to read that article!! x


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Hi ya,

Just thought i would to, as 40 is creeping in for me too.

I have met some of my targets in the 30's, got a couple more to go although i am 38 next month the time just runs away with you!!

All as i wanted to add is there is some excellent advice from these ladies, i don't know about a personal makeover for myself as i would need to sell the house to get myself looking anything respectable today, lol.

I don't think you can go far wrong with these ladies.

Take care and have great time, which i am sure you will

Cheese x


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