# Does counselling work?



## Sam1971

Hi Ladies

I was just wondering about anyones thoughts on counselling and if you think it does help 

I had my second counselling session yesterday and I cried and talked alot but I just kept thinking to myself what's the point to this?It will never change the fact that I won't have my own children and i just felt like I was going over completely old ground and didn't feel any better after I had left either 

Am I giving it a fair go or is it too soon to tell? I know everyone is different but I just don't know. I don't think it helped that the counselling was with the counsellor at the fertility clinic where I had all 4 of my failed ICSI cycles  so it was quite painful to sit there with the other couples knowing that they were still on their treatment journey and still had hope  while for me it was just the opposite.

I have one more session booked with her but I am not sure I want to go back there as it feels too raw  I just have to decide whether to find myself a new counsellor or not. 

Just wondered what you guys thought.

  and love to you all

Sam xx


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## Faithope

Hi Sam

 To you xxx

I had counselling last year and found it very helpful. What I would say is could you go to your GP and get 6 sessions via them rather than going to the place where its to raw for you? I found the further into the sessions, the more I got out of them. The advice I recieved also helps me to this day, I remind myself of the things she helped me with, to cope.

Good Luck hun   xx


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## dhikki

Dear Sam,
I don't think i can offer any advice because of my situation at the moment, but i wanted to say my late husband and i ttc for 7 years, and i never accepted the offer of counselling to do with the ivf and then moving on when our dream came to an end. So i couldn't say if it would have helped or not. But sadly my husband died suddenly in august last year, i have been struggling to cope since he fell into his forever sleep. The ladies on here have been amazing and several of them advised me to seek help which just recently i have, and it has helped so much. The people that are helping me are from cruse because of the loss of my husband, but i have got on so well with the lady she has said that she can help me with the loss of never becoming a mother too. As this too is a berevement and greif too.
I would say try and find somone who is not in the place you find so hard to be in, it must be very raw for you darling, different area different person might be the answer for you. I have never accepted help from a counsellor and have always pulled away from the very suggestion dealing with things in my own way and of course lent on my wonderful husband, but with what i am coping with just now i had to try something to help and it is working for me so far, although like yourself it is a long and hard road, be brave sweetheart but let yourself have help, you can't do it alone 
Much love Donna x


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## Sam1971

Hi ladies

Thank you both so much for your response 

Faithope-- I did go to my GP initially who put me in touch with a group called 'Lets Talk'. I had an initial session with them and she said that one to one counselling would be best for me but that i could be looking at 8 months before i get an appointment!! . Thats when i went back to the fertility clinic to see if i could have my sessions i didn't have previously (more because i thought it wouldn't cost me anything as we don't really have the money to be spending it on counselling). But thats not working out now either so i just wanted to know how the ladies on here felt about counselling before i went and spent any more money( not that its all about the money but from what i can gather its not cheap) . Thank you for your advice. I think i will try and carry on with it.   . I don't really know your story but i hope things are working out for you.

Hi Donna -How are you?  I am familiar with your story and have posted before . I just want to say sweetie that my heart goes out to you and you have been through such a terrible time  But you are an amazing lady and i really hope one day that the sun will shine again for you.When i think of you and your darling Brian it does make me take a step back and think about what i do have. Even if only for a short time. I will get some help and maybe one day the pain will have eased.
Lots of love and  

Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Faithope

*Sam1971 *  8 months-thats awful!! I completely understand you wanting to know if its worth it before paying out, you shouldn't have to pay, its so wrong isn't it 

I had counselling after I lost my baby last year after trying for years, I didn't cope very well and had an awful year  But trying to be positive now (very hard most days), Good Luck hun  xx


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## Libran

Hi Sam
I think counselling can be incredibly positive and helpful.  It sounds to me that it is not so much the counselling itself that you are struggling with, but the location where the counselling is held and your association with it and failed tx.  I wonder if it would be worth exploring other options, other locations and alternative counsellors ?  Here's wishing you every success on your journey.  Thinking of you X


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## Babytears

Hi sam,

I to am now considering counselling for the first time. I really needed it after my second ivf fail as I could hardly pick myself up then. Now it's final I need some kind if guidance I think as I'm just numb. I live in Essex and my clinic is in Cambridge which is over an hour away and just can't get there easy enough with work. I called one of the counsellors today and asked if i could be helped over the phone. If your clinic offers free counselling then I'm sure that they could arrange that for you. The counsellor is ringing me next Tuesday at home for our first session. Doesn't matter then if I have snot running down my face she won't be able to see. I'm not sure if it will have the same effect but it's better than nothing. Why not find out.

Donna my heart goes out to you. Horrible double whammy of bereavement. So so sorry hun. Made me dry my eyes for a moment and think thank god I've got my oh. Only took me 34 years to finally find him. I do in secret often think though what would I do if he was taken from me. I think i have a self fulfilling philosphy that i am supposed to be alone. As sam says I hope the sun will shine on you again  soon xx

Bring on the counselling!! Xx


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## Sam1971

Hi ladies

Faithhope - oh sweetie your year must have been horrendous and i can only imagine what you have been and still are going through. 
wishing you lots of love and happiness for the future and thank you for your respone 

Libran - Thank you and i think maybe you are right. I am going to give it a go with another counsellor when i find one somewhere else.hope you are okay 

Babytears - good luck with your counselling. i think for me i prefer it in person but thats great that you can do that and i hope it goes well for you 

Have a lovely weekend wherever you are

Much love
Sam xxxxxx


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