# Betrayed by the promise of IVF?



## recorder (Jun 14, 2009)

If you feel betrayed by the 'promise' of IVF then please vote in my Poll in THE VOTING ROOM.

I think the treatment tends to be misrepresented in the press, and celebrities who disclose using it often tend to focus on the positive, rather than the many negaitves it often takes to get the BFP.  IVF clinics do publish their statistics, but I have found that staff there tend to have a 'relentlessly positve' agenda ... making those of us for whome the treatment fails feel isolated and as if we are the only ones this happens to.  I had one donor egg BFN; one donor egg BFP followed by miscarriage and operation; one donor egg FET biochemical pregnancy all paid for privately at a cost that will make all of you fall off your chair!  My life savings.  My consultant said 'maybe you need TO TRY HARDER'.  Well, I doubt many women in the UK have gone through all that, and spent their life savings, had two opeartions, and quit their job to get pregnant.  Once again, makes it sound like my fault!!

it seems to me that for most people doing the treatment, it takes multiple attempts, a few early miscarriages etc before the goal is reached.  This fact remains hidden.  The press focuses on the miracles, and IVF clinics themselves tend to be very cagey about failure ... as if they cannot contemplate the reality.  Remember that, of the women sitting in the waiting room when you go for your appointment, the vast majority will not get a live birth. 

isn't it time the truth was made more explicit?  IVF works, but often after multiple attempts, massive expense, years of trying etc and for 70% it does not work.  The cold stark truth and it's time we demanded the truth!!
I am organising a campaign ...!  Time women were helped a lot more in this respect.  Time for change.  
Every story herer breaks my heart - we need better education about all this, so we do not waste time trying ourselves and then suddenly find we need 5 years and £10,000 to conceive ...  it's not fair on us as women


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Recorder, I for one totally agree with you.
As you can see by my tricker I have had 7 goes of IVF and only the first was NHS funded.
I had 5 attempts when I found out about the second IVF funding and was told by my consultant, because I had payed for more than 3 goes I would not be legible for second funding.
He then said, but as I only went as far as ec on 3 attempts I may be alegable for the second funding.
I had nothing to lose so I sent the letter of complaint and also stating that i only found out about the second funding on ff and not from my IVF team.
2 weeks later I had my reply stating that I was not alegable for second funding as I had got to ec on 3 attempts and that after 3 tx the % for a successful ivf and live birth lessons.

So who do we believe the IVF and NHS people or the people who have proven time and time again that we need to have multiple goes of IVF to get that BFP and have a live baby.
I have now had to stop trying as we can not afford any more tx and the heartache of another m/c will be to much for me to take again.
I also have stage 4 endo with a frozen pelvic, so I know my chances of having that live birth is probably close to nil.


When I figure out how to get in the voting room I will vote.
Good luck
Skyblu.


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## melanieb (Feb 12, 2009)

Hi

Gutted for you both and i can completely understand where you are right now. 
we too are funding ourselves and thought that mayb after 3 attempts we'd be well on our way to having a family. But instead we seem to encounter more problems.. the biggest being financial and age! 
i have 2 friends that are both trying ivf for the 1st time this year and think they'll be pg soon! how can i tell them that its not as straight forward as they believe.. that ivf is not a quick fix for fertility problems...... i cant... i just wish them all the luck in the world. 
im trying again in march with my final cycle, my consultant has given me less that 15% chance!! which like your statistics show that theres an 85% i wont get pg!!! 
but its like my dh says.. if we dont try then we never have a chance.. 
turning the whole ivf thing the other way round.. how much would we pay for a child?? if i was told it would cost me twenty thousand pounds i'd jump at it.. but its the unknown, which is why were gonna give it another go!

good luck ladies with whatever you do.

melanieb x


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