# Bonding tips



## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hello

I am hoping you lovely lot would help me. We start intros on the 30th November with a 12month old blue.

Any tips on how to build the bond and attachment?  I am worried he wont like us or wont atta he to us.

Any advice is appreciated .

Sarah x


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## Forever75 (Oct 13, 2014)

Hi, we found that swimming with our little ones was a nice bonding experience as they will hold on to you in the water, also songs where they sit on your knee with lots of actions is a fun way to interact and bond.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Ditto with the songs, ones where you can have physical contact like round and round the garden, this little piggy, row your boat etc. Peek a boo games and bubbles, great for being face to face and eye contact. Swimming and bathing also fab! Putting cream on each other's hands can be quite intimate and good for bonding if he'll let you. My little pink was 10 and half months and loved sitting on my lap and I would draw circles with my fingers on her back and rub her feet, she still loves it now!! Parent facing pushchair and a carrier/sling would be great for body contact and closeness. There's a million things but these are just off the top of my head, super exciting times xxx


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi - I used a sling too and found that great. He snoozed on me, did school run in sling, I cleaned with him in it - he absolutely loved it. I don't know about others but I found bath & bedtime one of our big bonding times. After his bath I would wrap him up like a baby and hold him for as long as he would let me - then we play peek a boo with the towel. Going into to bed he still lets me give him his milk like a baby despite the fact he is only a week shy of 1. 

Just so you know he also rejected me a lot when he woke at night and would fight to get away from me - that's really hard but it passes.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thanks ladies, wonder if i can use a sling for a 1 year old?
    So excited for introws but also scared. Finish work on monday and go down to essex a week on sunday , hope the snow holds off up here as 6 hours is long enough in the car lol.  
  Juat can not wait to keet him and bond as he comes home 8th december so not wanting him upset for santy coming x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

You can definitely use a sling for a one year old, there are a few ladies using them now for their children 1+ and by all accounts they are quite heavy babies so it ibviously works well. If you are interested I would start a thread as you'll get lots of responses. Are you all prepared?


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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

With a good sling carrier you can carry up until about 2/3 and some people only stop then because their LO is too independent and wont go in. You do need a good carrier that is right for you. The high street brands that cost in the region of £30 really won't do. You will end up with a sore back very quickly and not an optimum position for LO. Personally I prefer wraps or mai tais, basically soft fabric that you tie as tight as you need to fit your frame but many other prefer something with buckles as they are quicker and easier to put on. However once you get used to it you can have a child wrapped very quickly. I would reccomend having a look to see if you have a local sling library (just google sling library and your local area). They have trained consultants who advise you on what kind of carrier best suits your needs and your body frame. They also lend them for a small fee so you can try before you buy. There is s website called its a sling thing that also rent and post you carriers. A good carrier that will allow hours of daily use and last you till your wee one is up are not cheap so you want to make sure you have the right one for you before making the purchase. 

I can thoroughly recommend them for helping with attachment forming. I used one  regularly with my LO when she first came home and she was so at peace in it. I got the stage that I rarely used my pram as it was so much easier to throw the sling in to the car. It was also great if we were anywhere in large crowds as LO was up close and could see people's faces not their legs and was not anxious as all. Fighting through a large crown with a buggy is not fun. She is over a year now and although she is not with us on a permanent basis now as she was a concurrent placement and was able to return home with ongoing respite from us when I do have her I immediately get the sling out and she gets excited. I found it useful in the early days when we were out meeting friends and family for the first time. If she was wrapped securely to me I found people did not ask " oh can I have a wee nurse " and saved the awkward " well no. We are restricting who can hold her until we have built an attachment." If she was not in the carrier we very quickly lost control on her.

Hope this is useful and you do have a local sling library. Enjoy the lead up to intros and all the planning.


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## RocketJ (Mar 29, 2014)

Just to echo what pinklady has said, I found a sling was the best thing for bonding, keeping him close in potentially overwhelming situations, and not letting him crawl away or be picked up by others in situations where I didn't want to have to keep explaining myself! I have a ring sling (started with a carrier, but found it really uncomfortable) and similarly I rarely use the buggy now. I can happily carry him for a couple of hours with no discomfort.

I also have him in my bed lots - I sleep in his room, so if he wakes in the night I usually put him next to me rather than trying to resettle in his cot. The hours we have racked up as a result, being so physically close, couldn't have been achieved any other way and I really think it has made a huge difference. At 13 months he was incredibly self sufficient, where as now (2 months into placement) he comes up to me every few minutes to check in for a cuddle.

Don't be afraid to do things that might be seen as babying, or developing 'bad habits'. My son wakes halfway through his afternoon nap without fail - when he came home he would settle himself back to sleep, and I expect if I employed a bit of 'sleep training' he would do that again, but for now I go in and cuddle him and sing a lullaby. And it's the most incredible thing watching him snuggle in and drop back into sleep. In the first few weeks I would never have imagined that we would have reached this point, so don't be too hard on yourself if he doesn't want you to settle him or hold him - Buzz used to fight away from me, and I remember telling my SW that I had to leave him to cry (he would fall asleep after 10 minutes of intermittent crying) because if I went into the room or picked him up he just got more upset and would never go to sleep! I really think being in my bed has been the big thing to turn that around.often I will lie with my arm across his tummy so we have a physical connection.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I agree, I think I may have been too rigid with some routines with little pink, no harm done and she does love her routine. But I think if I knew then what I know now I probably would act differently and not push her into growing up so fast. She didn't need to. So when we had little man I probably did a lot of things people may consider to bed bad habits... Falling asleep on me for nap, sleeping in my bed, rocking to sleep at night, giving milk throughout the night if he cried.... But you know what, you don't ever get that time again. He's now in his own bed and sleeping through fine, and that first night I cried. It was the first of many lasts, last time he would be in my room, last time I needed to cradle him to sleep. I had to let him grow up but I didn't push it, I went at his pace. He is my birth child so a bit different in the sense we had the baby stage together. You did not so go with regression and fill in those gaps. It will be worth it for you all I promise


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Thank you soooo much, i have decided i am looking for a sling to carry him in. I love the whole close bonding. We are all ready and prepared. I am worrying as we have a 2 bed flat and little legs is so licky he has been spoilt by his FCs. They think he has about 3 car loads of stuff  to bring up.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Slings are fantastic -the other thing you'll find is that you'll not be used to carrying the weight of a 12mth old so you may find it difficult. It may be worth building up some strength in your muscles by carrying around increasing weight for the next week!
Lots of singing and touch games as others suggested. 
Routines are helpful but don't be afraid to go with the flow. 
Make sure you as a parent(s) are the ONLY people responsible for any care i.e. nappies, hugs, caring for him if he's injured, providing food etc


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Yes, I do think that 'bad habits' thing needs to be tossed out of doors for kids like ours.  

Good luck, and enjoy!


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I had an ergobaby carrier but I didn't use it nearly enough when he came at 6 months. Then aged 15 months I bought a Tula carrier (toddler size because he's one of the hefty chunks lolly refers to  !) as I felt he was too big in the ergobaby and I really wanted to give it a go. Anyway he's now 17 months appx 32lbs and we both love it, we go for a walk most days with him in it as I enjoy the calm cuddles and chatting about what we're seeing. It's really come into its own for busy things we go to like farmers market, food festivals etc where he's close to me to be confident and unphased by so many people, he gets a much better view than looking at hundreds of pairs of legs and it just seems to work better. We've also started using it for short trips out to places instead of the buggy, much easier to chuck in the boot of the car and it means we can go into shops and cafes etc really easily when buggy would be a pain (especially in a very old market town with shops with steps and ridiculously narrow doors!). He actually can get quite upset if I take him out of it if he's not been in long. Dh likes it too although he prefers to back carry whereas I like to front carry to sneak lots of kisses!
I've noticed he's become a lot more cuddlier and receptive to close contact since we've been using it a lot more.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

sass30 said:


> Hello
> 
> I am hoping you lovely lot would help me. We start intros on the 30th November with a 12month old blue.
> 
> ...


Eye contact

Copying facial expressions

Pulling funny faces

Light Stroking of the back (if he allows it) - this has carried on to become a bedtime calming routine for me and my 5yr old pink.

Get down on the floor with him and play games on his level

Don't be afraid to play games for much younger children with him, they are great for bonding, especially ...

...bath toys, get in the bath with him (wear a costume if you want) - splash about, bubbles, make faces, have fun

Bring your hearts close together, naked, skin on skin is the best touch you can have but some kids might not like it straight away, so build up to it.

Just have fun and SMILE, BE HAPPY

Children copy your faces, and your emotions so he is more likely to bond if he is happy in his new setting.

I know he's been with you a few weeks now, I hope your Christmas is amazing, this is our 2nd Christmas with our pink, tbh I cherish the Birthdays more as they mean more to me.

Paul X


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