# Trying to be positive but feeling down



## Larajn (Nov 30, 2016)

I'm on day7 of my first ever clomid treatment. I have pcos and I'm struggling to stay positive and not anxious! 
I am so worried that this is going to be a long road with disappointment. I'm excited and but so scared I'm 29 this has been a long road with pcos but I have faith...I'm just worried I won't manage the bumps in the road. 
I've just started counselling but I feel a change in me. I found out a close friend was 3 months pregnant the other day and all I could think about is negative things about myself. Me and my partner have kept it private but being the last of my family and friends to have an extremely sought after baby is really getting me down. 
I feel like my entire day/life and nd thoughts are just fixated on treatment. 
Has andndnybody else felt like this? Is it normal?


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Hello Larajn,

I'm sorry you're struggling today. Doing treatment is a big thing and you have some huge and long-desired hopes in the balance now so it's only natural to feel anxious and like it's difficult to stay positive. It's totally normal to feel like that - probably not very reassuring, but maybe there's some small comfort in knowing you aren't the only person to have felt like this. It's difficult when other people announce good news while you're struggling. I've even found it difficult when people announce miscarriages - I feel so sad for them but also like it's not quite legitimate for me to feel sad as I haven't been pregnant and only those closest to us know about our fertility hopes and journey.

Are you having any monitoring this cycle (blood tests or scans or anything?)? Some people find that reassuring to have moments to focus on, and others prefer focusing on the whole process and the outcome of the cycle. Doing Clomid brings you roughly to the same chances of pregnancy as a couple with no fertility difficulties - so this absolutely could be your month.

Are there some specific bumps in the road that you worry might be particularly difficult? Or a general feeling? 

How is counselling going? You said there's been a change in you - I wonder whether that's related to treatment or counselling or both? Maybe one or the other is releasing some difficult feelings and grief which have been hidden up til now. It is ok to need support and ok not to be ok. Do come on here and tell us how you're feeling.

Xx


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## loudlikelove (Jun 23, 2016)

Hi Larajn,

Clomid is hard... Or maybe it's the infertility journey in general.

I've just finished round 3 with my day 21 blood test being yesterday.

Positive thinking always helps, but it's oh so hard. There's some of us over on this thread (if I've linked right!) that are all currently taking Clomid

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=340174.msg6440065#msg6440065

You've said it yourself, you have faith so whilst it is an anxious and scary time, as bobo66 said, it absolutely could be your month 

xx


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## Larajn (Nov 30, 2016)

Thank you bobo66 and loudlikelove 
I suppose it's the uncertainty and fearing that it won't work...I think I'm nervous at the prospect of potentially a few negative results. 
I have a scan due on the 5/12 then a blood test to follow. 
I just feel empty like I'm not whole and it's never bothered me as much until I've started treatment and I suppose rats the spotlight effect. 
My other half is great he's so supportive and will do whatever it takes but I feel like it's he doesn't understand how painful it is that I can't conceive naturally. 
I know I should be thankful that I have a chance but I guess today has just been tough and overwhelming. 
The more I use this type of a support the more I feel more comfortable knowing that I'm not on my own. 
Some days like today I just want to hide from the world because I struggle. 
I really appreciate the responses. I need to focus on each step as it comes. So scan on Monday and fingers crossed I get a positive 😊


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Hi Larajn,

I hope all goes well at your scan on Monday. They'll be looking to seem how many follicles are developing?

Ah yes. Starting treatment is hard because you have all that hope and uncertainty and fear of failure bundled in together with your grief at not being able to conceive naturally. That's a difficult cocktail of emotions in the middle of a stressful thing.

I'm glad your other half is supportive. I think it can be really difficult for men to understand the power and strength of that empty feeling, that lack of wholeness.

Keeping focusing on each step in front of you... xx


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## LuckyStar812 (Jan 11, 2017)

Hi Larajn,

I am on CD 21 of my first cycle of Clomid. I've found the emotional side of treatment the hardest, as you say it's the uncertainty. It's been a long road for me. I have PCOS & I suffered 2 MC's 9 years ago when I was with a previous partner. DH & I have been TTC for 2 1/2 years & I desperately want to have a child with him. I am an older lady ( 40 this year ) & worry age isn't on my side. 
Keep positive hun, sending lots of sticky babydust to you all x


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## CloveC (Oct 13, 2016)

Hi Larajn,

I understand what you are going through. I personally found the wave of hormones that comes with Clomid  overwhelming at times. It makes it difficult to be rational and reason with yourself.I guess with PCOS we are just not used to the hormones!

I hope Clomid works for you soon x


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