# Are you planning to tell family/friends of TTC plans or not?



## CherryMarie (Jun 5, 2012)

Hey everyone,

I know everyone is at different stages, but I can't help but ask how did you tell loved ones about your plans to have children... Or if you haven't yet, how do you plan to? Any grand gestures or things like that

We personally haven't told anyone bar 2/3 close friends. We have great relationships with our families and both sides are hinting HEAVILY that they want grandchildren and that we seem to not want children... Little do they know it's the opposite   

We're choosing not to say anything until we're pregnant possibly to go so far as until our 12 week scan, we don't really want the pressure to get pregnant straight away and kinda want to be sure things are progressing nicely before we surprise them.... We moved from London to the north so it'll be easier to hide in those first weeks and give us time to think of cute ways to let DP's mum know her first grandchild is on its ways

I'm really interested in your stories xxx


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## sophia_snail (Nov 7, 2010)

We haven't told a soul. At work they know I keep disapearing off to see the "Gynaecologist" and so don't ask for any details. (I feel a bit guilty that my boss who is a lovely chap is worried that I am ill).

If our treatment ever works we plan to wait til the 12 week scan and then send the picture to my Mum in the post as a complete surprize - she will be off the scale excited! 

I hate fuss which is why we haven't told anyone. I hate the thought of people asking questions and having to report getting a negative everytime... It is making it difficult that 4 of our friends have had babies recently and my best friend is now pregnant. I put a brave face on them and act all pleased for them but inside I am off the scale jealous.


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## Pinkpingu (Jun 7, 2012)

We've thought long and hard about this and eventually have decided like you to wait until we are safely into a pregnancy. It's not an easy decision to make but you have to do the right thing for you as a couple and family will appreciate that in the long run. We have told a couple of close friends as well and my sister has known for a while that we are looking into having a baby but not that we have started treatment (second week of down reg). I didn't want the pressure and also questions during the process as we knew it was going to be tough and wanted to deal with it in our own way without worrying about parents etc. Hopefully this was the right decision for us and you as well. Fingers crossed x


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## Candy76 (Feb 19, 2011)

We felt the same as you guys, with regards to not wanting to tell anyone and that way avoiding having other people pestering us for updates. Partially because we know people who did get hustled a lot by their 'friends'.
But I think it depends what kind of friends you have got and how good you are in telling people that they have gone too far.

I told my sister 5 years ago we were intending to try for a kid. She never asked me how we were getting on - out of politeness, this is. My family isn't very open with talking about feetlings.
My sister started trying at the same time. I now have a 4 and a half year old nephew. And yes, it is hard to see other people achieving so easily what you want so much.

We told our mums the good news the day we had seen the heart beat (week 6 and after 4 years of trying). I misscarried the next day. I think my mum felt more involved and as she had gone through the same joy followed by utter devastation, I felt she could truely understand what we were going through.

DW and I have always agreed what to say to which circle of friends or before we went to see someone. Sometimes we would be vague and say we would like children, but being a lesbian couple this isn't straight forward.
By now we are so far, we need a lot more emotional support. And we don't want to be seen to be a childless couple by choice. Nor do we want to 'feed' the assumption that same sex couples don't have kids. We want to make sure people understand the grieve and cost we have gone through and other people are going though.
Anybody who asks me about kids now gets the 'We put our lives on hold for years trying, but it didn't work out'.

So, what I am trying to say is we started out with the same approach as you, but revised is as we went along depending on what our needs were.

Best of luck and wishing your will have your bundle of joy soon!


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## katenreb (Oct 3, 2010)

we haven't told anyone yet, but everyone knows we want more children. we have both worked in child care so its hard to hide our love of children! ( our old boss offered to buy a turkey baster once at a staff metting when we were talking about whys to get more kids in to the setting, so know work lot will be happy for us. family we only have dp family and we know they will be happy but want to wait till we are safe. we know a friend that told everyone that she was trying after 5 years and nothing happening and doctors telling her it was unlikely to she broke down with depression, because so many people were asking her when it would happen, we don't want that pressure.


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## Chopio (Dec 15, 2011)

It's a tricky one. I had to tell some people at work because there are some hazards that I needed to avoid exposure to during the 2ww. I didn't realise how quickly people would start gossiping about it though and it was really horrible when people I barely knew would ask me how I was getting on with the treatment - especially after our 3rd failed IUI.

Maybe the people I work with are just really gossipy but a bit of me thinks that people might think its ok to chat about lesbian fertility treatment in a way they wouldn't do with a straight couple who have struggled to conceive. Maybe its the novelty of it, or maybe its the assumption that they are not breaking confidences about someone's "problems" because the only assumed problem is lack of sperm.

With hindsight I'd advise keeping quiet about it as much as possible. You might get a little pick me up from sharing news when you are excited about treatment stuff and its nice to have people rooting for you but in the long term it just gets complicated


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