# Confusion over whether to adopt or again try IVF - Help



## Nina Jane (Apr 24, 2010)

Hi, Due to visit Hammersmith in a fortnight and don't think I can face IVF again.  Really concerned about our ages and whether another IVF treatment is just going to delay us having a family.  Any one else felt like this?  Not sure what to do for the best!!


----------



## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Nina Jane


It must be a difficult decision for you    Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you as it's not a situation I've been in but I wanted to say hi, send you a    and let you know that many of our members here have felt this way. 


Bx


----------



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

HI

Not an easy one I'm afraid and its something we all come to at different times.  For me it was 9yrs and 10 treatments, mc, immune drugs and ds/de before DH called it a day.  I would have kept going because I just couldn't make the decision to stop and only agreed to look into adoption as long as I could go back to ivf if it didn't feel right.

That was 4 years ago and we are just waiting for details on a possible match for a 2nd child.  The feelings of wanting a baby and how much easier life would be if we'd had our own is still there a bit, especially as we are waiting for letterbox replies and have just turned down a child that we weren't right for.  However, I know we did everything we could and with the information we know now we would have been advise ds from the start so we know now we will not have a child that is 100% 'ours' biologically and ivf is in our past, the thought of going through it all again is too frightening for words.

Only you can decide whether ivf is the path for you or whether to move on to adoption, all I would say is make sure you are both 110% sure, have no regrets or 'what ifs'.  With adoption you do need to have accepted as best as you can that you won't have biological children, the feelings come back to haunt you at odd times and the children you adopt have been through so much already they really need you 110%.

Good luck with your decision.
OT x


----------



## Guest (Aug 7, 2010)

Deciding when to stop treatment is a tricky choice - big ((hugs))

We had planned to do a cycle of IVF three years ago when we found out that "our" three kids were looking for a new family and we really struggled to decide whether to go ahead with the IVF or to move to adopt straight away.  In the end we decided that although we had no faith the IVF would work, a cycle would help us to close that door and not have future regrets.  The IVF didn't work and we then moved to adopt.  Our situation was a bit unusual as we were already respite foster carers for our three and the were permanently placed with us less than six months after our IVF result.

I hope you can amke the right choice for you

Bop


----------



## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

Hi Nina Jane 
This is such a really tough decision to make, and only you and dh can make it... but... here's my own experiences/perspective..  
For us, initially, we had to weigh up how we felt during and after IVF, and consider what our Cons felt our odds were to try again. We were heart-broken after our first failed IVF but the second one was far, far worse, and we just felt we couldn't do that again. After our first IVF we felt, as did our Cons, that it was just "bad luck" but after the second, our Cons admitted our chances of it ever working were only around 10%. I couldn't face going through all of that again for a 1 in 10 chance of being pg. It was just too hard  
Also, we had to decide which was more important to us... trying again to have a biological child, or simply having a child? Having a family is more important to me than ever being PG - and that was really really tough for me to face up and accept. I had to say goodbye to images and dreams of a little boy/girl that looked like us... But that, and the Cons advice, and long long conversations led to us both feeling that we were done with IF tx and were ready to move to adoption. It has taken a year, and we're still not 100% sure we will adopt, but we are looking into it and will see what happens. 
It's such a tough decision, and everyone comes to theirs differently, but I wish you loads and loads of luck (((hugs)))


----------



## Nina Jane (Apr 24, 2010)

Thank you so much for all your support/advice and experiences - it has helped me think lots.  Think we will go to the appointment on Tuesday, but feel currently this will be to put closure on IVF.

with best wishes


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hiya. Like the others have said it's entirely up to you -a very personal decision. I think the doctors try to recommend 3 tries for the best chances of success.

We did one round IVF bfn and had planned on adopting if it didn't work. Then my in-laws very generously gave us enough money to try a second time. We really though about it and did another round so that we wouldn't have any 'what if's'. It was a bfp but I m/c and decided that even if I could bear the drugs again (the though of which still makes me feel sick) I couldn't bear to have another m/c so that was the decider. We had already had adoption on our minds and now it's in our hearts too and we're due to go to Prep group in Oct.

Praying you reach the decision right for you.


----------

