# Ashamed to admit it, but....



## Bluebelle Star (Feb 5, 2008)

I'm generally a nice person (or so I'm told  ) but if I'm totally honest, lately I feel such jealousy about friends who've met that perfect someone (ok I know, no man is perfect and of course many marriages have their issues) and are beginning or adding to their families. I hate feeling like this, I am genuinly happy for my friends but this week I just feel like it's not fair. 
A good friend just gave birth to her third baby, no fertility issues, met a very wealthy man, has a HUGE house, lots of home help, kids in wonderful schools. Another friend just adopted her third child with her lovely husband, they had no trouble being matched (with very young babies) any time because of course as a couple they had an advantage (her words not mine), she is a stay at home mum, this year they were able to renovate their home and have a holiday in Oz with their two children, now baby number 3 has just been placed with them etc. 

Honestly, truly I am happy for them - send Congratulations cards and pressies etc, but actually if I'm totally honest I feel so very hurt that it just seems so much harder for me. This week I can't stop thinking about why I haven't met someone - am I not pretty enough, too work focused etc?? I just got the baby announcement (from friend 1 mentioned above) in the post today, saw my favourite baby name in the name section and burst into tears!!!  

I'm sure I sound absolutely terrible and you all want to shout GET A LIFE, for which you'd be right but does anyone else feel hurt some of the time?


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## kylecat (Oct 18, 2007)

Bluebell - I feel just like you a lot of the time. ALL of my friends are happy in relationships, two have just got engaged and I've just been to Sainsburys and seen several pregnant women!!    I have tried but cannot work out why I havent met someone when all my friends have. To be honest I have given up trying to work it out and instead putting my energies into (hopefully) having a baby. It gets me down some of the time but I only allow myself to feel down in the dumps for a little while and then I try and cheer myself up with some nice thoughts!!

I'm also finding it hard to get my head around having treatments especially IVF. I have had all the tests done, bloods, hycosy, weight etc and everything is totally normal. If I were in a relationship and trying for a baby I would hopefully be able to get pregnant within 6 months to a year. Instead I've got to spend thousands of pounds doing it all by myself. However we've all got to comfort ourselves with the knowledge that after all the stress, loneliness, money! and heartache it will all be worth it in the end when we hold our baby in our arms  

Don't worry we all feel sad some of the time but if you ever need some support you know where to find us all  

Love katiexx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

bluebelle - sending you lots of hugs (cant do the icon as sending this from my phone - hmm will be costing nokia lots of money as currently in finland and those global roaming charges are rather high - oops!) You have nothing to be ashamed about at all - these are feelings most if not all of us here can totally relate to. My (younger) sister recently announced shes pregnant with her third and whilst I am looking forward to a new nephew or niece I also felt very angry sad and envious that its so easy for her and so hard for me. I have four other friends who are due between may and sept - and like Katie all of my friends are married with families so I do spend quite a lot of time feeling like the odd one out and wondering what I did wrong. I console myself with the thought that at least I am taking positive steps to having a family - if not in the traditional way - at least I can take charge of this aspect of my life. But its still hard a lot of the time - you just have to focus on the positive things you do have. For me thats family and friends, a job which is good most of the time and certainly pays the bills, good health, exotic holidays etc. Must get some sleep now its late here but just wanted to echo katies words that you are not alone - we all understand and empathise - so feel free to let it all out here whenever you feel the need! Take care and I hope you feel a bit brighter soon Laura x


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## Bluebelle Star (Feb 5, 2008)

Katie and Lauris, 
Thanks so much you both made me feel a lot better, I suppose it is normal to have these feelings at times. I hoping that for each of us the happy day when we are holding our children will arrive. I am sure they will mean so very much to us after all we've had to go through!
Thank you again


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Hi Bluebell.....sorry I am only just catching up with this thread.....like Katie and Laura have said.....tis completely normal to feel the way you do.....we've all been there.  The 5th pregnant friend of mine in 5 months had her baby boy on saturday - first one at 38 and concieved in first month of trying. I am of course chuffed for them but also got upset when I read her very long and detailed birth story email especially the bit about how brilliant her DH has been.  But bless her in the midst of all the chaos of the first few days at home with a new baby she cut out an article from Woman and Home about a 44 year old SMC and sent it to me. I'm trying not to be jealous but to focus on the positives that it's not that long ago since the pair of us were both singletons with no blokes or babies on the horizon....life can turn itself around...particularly with a bit of proactive decision-making on our parts ! xxxx di


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Bluebelle so sorry you are feeling down - I think it is natural to think this way but I found when I accepted my situation (ie: no mr right yet- and it doesn't mean that he won't ever come along ever and accpet you and your baby as a package, but he is not hear now and I have a life to lead and want a baby) then you strive to get what you want if you are determined to get it or try.

Also with adoption my single friend has chosen this route to motherhood and has been offer 2 baby babies in the last 3 weeks, so it can happen. and she will be a fantastic mummy.

I think if you also consider the bonus of being single that your friends don't have- can make your own decision, manage your own career/time/money, travel the world without having to compromise someone else.Buy exactly what you choose to, be extravagant if you want,  When I hear my work colleagues go on about controlling husbands and demands I am dleighted to be single.

Good Luck
L x


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## Bluebelle Star (Feb 5, 2008)

DD and JJ1 thanks so much, both your posts made me feel better. I suppose everyone feels like this at times!

DD I saw that article in Woman and Home

JJ1 - I tried to pm you with a question about your friends adoption but your inbox is full


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

B;uebelle I've deleted some from the inbox sorry- not good as housekeeping
L x


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