# I am so tired of this! Found out another friend is pregnant



## keephopestrong (Feb 9, 2012)

Her one son is around 12 now and yet again, she is having another baby and here we are struggling so hard that I cannot cope any more!  I want to hide myself away because I can't stop others getting pregnant, and each time I hear, my heart feels so heavy that it wants to break.

I thought I was pregnant for a while, but it came to nothing and I have results that hit me in the stomach that shows I am clearly not with child.

Hubby went for another semen test this morning - last one was 19 year's ago, but I honestly think they won't find sperm.  I know he had some because 4 year's back he did get me pregnant, but miscarried and nothing since then.

My place of worship we attend, is over flowing with babies and now this sister is once again pregnant and it makes me physically sick as Jem (hubby) tells me that if they find no sperm in him, that is that; he cannot go through it all again, ie biopsy, so there is no hope now and yet here in France the fertility is very high so I am constantly faced with expectant mums.

I now cannot go out our place of worship; I just cannot cope with the sheer pain of seeing so many happy sisters proudly showing off their babies.  I usually sit at the front of the hall, but couldn't get away with that now, since this sister also sits there.

I feel angry and bitter and hate these feelings - and horribly jealous!  I wish I could turn my negative emotions off and say: that is that!  I refuse to make myself sick over this - but I cannot do this!!

I feel so lonely 

Suzanne


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## portia t (Jul 18, 2010)

Keephopestrong,

I'm in a similar place - everyone including my manager is pregnant and it's hard to keep going with everyone out of work and now in work pregnant.  You can imagine the incessant conversations!!  I have one cooing technique and that is if I feel like there's a day that I can't cope with it I either avoid meeting with my pregnant friends or try to change the conversation although it's hard.  As for conversations I just avoid conversations around her baby - she knows my situation so is sensitive to me.

It can feel isolating but only way of self preservation during these dark days.  I also feel so jealous and bitter but keep on going.  My favourite mantra is that it'll be ok in the end if it's not ok, it's not the end!!!


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