# Really want to try for number 2 but DH not interested!



## Ness74 (Nov 24, 2008)

I feel terribly selfish writing this post because DH & I have an adorable baby boy/nearly toddler who turns 1 this Saturday after 2 rounds of IVF and 5 painful years of infertility due to tubal factors.  I naively thought that after DS was born I'd feel complete and get on with being as good a parent as possible and putting the past years of infertility behind us.  Not sure if anyone else felt this but when our DS was born I yearned for another in a primeval way that I really didn't expect to feel.  
My DH & I discussed possibly trying for a sibling for DS and were on the same path but quite suddenly DH decided he didn't want anymore and I feel completely devastated at the thought of not trying again.  I'm worried I'll resent DH & we'll regret not trying for another baby and it's tearing us apart.   
Anyone else in the same predicament?
xx


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## Twopence (Dec 14, 2008)

Hi Ness,

I am so sorry to read about your DH and you unable to agree. It must be tearing you apart and it probably hurts your DH knowing that he is hurting you.

I totally get you when you say about the primeval feeling. I have felt more strongly about no 2 than I did with no 1 I think, probably because I know the sheer pleaseure of having a child.

I hope you both find some peace soon and can come to an agreement. Lots of love xx


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## Ness74 (Nov 24, 2008)

Thanks for replying Twopence,
I know what you mean about feeling more strongly about no 2 since like you say every month that goes by I cherish with my DS & often cry with joy seeing the world through his eyes it's magical but the thought of not having an opportunity to try again is hard.  Even if it didn't work the 2nd time at least I could say we'd tried. DH has said he doesn't want to try again right now but maybe later, it just doesn't fill me with hope!
Have you come to terms with having one child? Does anyone really come to terms with it if all they desire is another one?
Lots of love & thanks for the kind words.
xx


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## beckalouise (Aug 29, 2010)

Yep I could have wrote your post myself 6 months ago Ness   DH was really really against trying again, and I must confess that am obsess with the thought of having a sibling for Austin.  Do you know DH reasons for not trying again? I totally understood my DH reasons, it was a stressful time without the perfect outcome which still effects our life's daily, however ....... I sold the baby car seats a few months ago and DH was getting them out if the loft when he said ' well what if we need them again' I could have killed him and kissed him all in one thought, so now we are ttc naturally the odds are slim to none but it gives me a little hope and I'm slowly dropping talk about FET into conversations and he's not really said yes or no yet  

So anyway I guess I'm saying never give up hope 

All the best xx


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## macbee (May 13, 2009)

Hi - just read your post and I can relate
I really thought I wouldn't want another baby after DD and for a while I didn't as I had the worst pregnancy and birth ever, but now am obsessing but as I had to resort to DIVF for DD hubby will not consider doing it again,  he also had to see me nearly bleed to death and I think the trauma really scared him so he is ademant that he doesn't want another 
I was hoping that somehow it would happen naturally but that will not happen so it really does look like the end of the road for me


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## Twopence (Dec 14, 2008)

Hi Macbee

I am so sorry that you have reached the end of the journey.   I wish I coukld say something helpful but I can't.

For me I am slowly coming to terms with things with the help of a counsellor, anti-depressants (which I am coming off) and my gorgeous DD. She really is so fab that I concentrate on her and moving forwards.

DH and I are now planning holidays, weekends away and last night I began to go through her babystuff to give away to a friend who is having a girl and charity. Six months ago I couldnt have even tried it but now I can as I focus on what I have got, not what I haven't. 

I am not trying to suggest that is what anyone here does, it is all individual and you have to work your own way there whether with help or without. Perhaps it is just a way of saying things to get slightly better/ easier, it might just take a different view.

If you don't like something chnage it,
If you can't change it,
Change the way you look at it.

Peace to you all xx


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Ness, I don't know your husband, so I don't want to give false hope but for  till Hannah (our ICSI DD) was 21 months old, my husband kept blowing hot and cold re the idea of having a 2nd. However he eventually started thawing to the issue, and realised he wanted it too, rather than just wanting it for me.

That was last October, and we are currently undergoing treatment atm. We have set a limit on two goes, as he doesn't want the emotional impact to affect our DD, which I understand


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## *Coco* (Apr 9, 2010)

I think I can relate a bit here. I am so lucky to have DS, but now yes, the yearning for a sibling is coming. I’ve been off contraception since his first birthday, hoping we’d get lucky, unlikely, but it’s the free option! 

But, DH seems to be rather non committal about it all. I’m at a point now where I really want to start trying trying, instead of vaguely DTD at the right time, and also start trying to put some money away for IVF, which is probably the way things are going to go if I’m honest. DH, he’s not against the idea, but also doesn’t seem particularly into it either. Sometimes he says things that make me think he’s all for another, then other times he says things that make me think he’s not bothered. I do just want to say look, give me a straight answer, but I’m frightened if the answer is going to be “no”


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## Ness74 (Nov 24, 2008)

Thanks for all your advise. It does sound like lots of others are in the same perdicament   .
Like you Coco I'm scared to raise the question again as I'm frightened the answer is 'no' too and I really don't think I'll be able to put my infertility behind me unless I at least try again.  
Thanks for giving me some hope Vickym   
Never give up hope.
xx


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## hfc_blue (May 28, 2011)

Hi everyone

Just wondering how everyone is doing and whether anything has changed for you?  I am in the same position. Our son is 16 months now and since he turned 1 I have wanted to try for another.  Although I always knew I wanted to wait until towards the end of this year to go through treatment again.  My husband would always say no more children but then would make comments like ' if we ever had another baby' in certain situations.  However, for the last couple of months he has become adamant that he doesn't want anymore children.  Infuriatingly, I can't get out of him why he feels this way.  I can only assume that it's because the last couple of years has been really difficult on our relationship.  I have to admit I am abit irritable with my husband when I'm tired and having our son has definitely resulted in me being tired alot!  Even my husband said this week, he doesn't remember ever not feeling tired since we had our son!  He also has a couple of friends who have had a second child and are telling him not to do it and to stick at one.  I also had a scary birth experience which must have been difficult for my husband to watch. I guess he could have any number of reasons for not wanting to try again but I am so hoping I can change his mind and/or that he will start to think about what I want more than what he wants. We have 3 frozen embies and I can't think about not giving these little ones a chance.  I have to say, I am pretty nervous about putting myself though treatment again too but my desire for another child far outweighs that.  

Does anyone have any advice/comments/ words of wisdom on the subject!?

Xxxxxxxx


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