# Ivf then miscarriage, Can't cope.



## belle-bubble

Hello 
I had my second IVF last month and was thrilled that my test date was positive, Sadly the week later I was experiencing bleeding and after a scan I was told the news I was dreading, I was having a miscarriage. It was earlier this week, I cannot stop crying, can't cope, I am utterly distraut. 
Does anyone have any positive stories after this, I am full of dread, and no-one I know has experienced IVF or a miscarriage so I feel quite isolated. Thanks xx


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## gingerbreadgirl

Belle-Bubble
I am so sorry your longed for dream has ended this way     
You will find lots of ladies on here who have positive stories to help you look forwards, but for now it is absolutely normal to feel so upset. You have been through a rotten time and nobody knows the pain of miscarriage after IVF unless you have been there    In time you will feel better and stronger   . Is there somebody with you this evening? Probably dont want to hear about more treatment right now, but the fact that you had a BFP is encouraging for the future     
Look after yourself
GG
xx

PS There is a board about pregnancy loss (maybe somebody can post you the link?) where you will be able to chat to others unfortunately going through the same as you


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## Mistletoe (Holly)

Hello my love   

I have been there too - I lost my precious IVF baby at 17 weeks. It was small for dates from the first scan, but I got to the 13 week scan and everything was progressing, even though the baby was small. Sadly it died.

I cried for 3 weeks almost non stop. I thought I was going to die with the baby when I was told the news at an emergency scan.

It does get easier. You will never forget what you have been through and you are most certainly not alone.

Lots of people came out of the wood work when I spoke of my loss, about their losses. If it helps I have lots of positive stories - one friend had 3 miscarriages - 6,7 and 14 weeks and then has had 2 boys, another friend m/c at 8 weeks and now has boy and girl, another a miscarriage at 6 weeks, 2 failed ivf and a naturally conceived girl, another had a girl, then m/c at 13 weeks and then another girl, another a girl, m/c at 13 weeks and then twins, another m/c at 9 weeks and then a girl, another lost IVF twins at 25 weeks and has a little girl. I actually only have 2 friends of my age with children who did not have a miscarriage.

It is heart breaking - the doctor told me that 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage - she said that if every woman had on average 4 pregnancies then every woman would experience miscarriage. It just depends on whether it is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th pregnancy that it happens on whether you actually experience it - most women do not have 4 pregnancies in a lifetime any more.

The good thing is that you got pregnant - which means your embryos get to blastocyst and implant - this is very positive. 

Don't give up - try posting on the pregnancy loss thread - it will help you greatly.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=12.0

There is also a board called forget me not - twinkling stars - where you can keep a diary about your baby and your feelings and let it all out in a safe place - writing can help

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=149.0

I had a wonderful chaplaincy team at the hospital who arranged a Christmas service for lost babies and a funeral for Beanie. They also offered me counselling from the early pregnancy unit that I still have. I also found the miscarriage association leaflets and the NewZealand equivalent's website very helpful reading.

As you can see, I am on the rollercoaster again and currently have 8 embryos being cultured to blast in the lab this weekend.

You can and will pick yourself up from this. It is a grief like any other and can take up to a year to go through all the process of grief. Let it happen naturally - you are normal  I am still sad about my baby, but our angels  will not want us to give up


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## belle-bubble

Thank You so much for that, Yes I've had someone with me alot which has been nice but the pain is incredible. I do think when the miscarriage passes I'll be able to have closure and I can try to move on. I am not going to give up, I'll start my 3rd IVF again when my clinic advises. Hopefully then my baby will come, it'll be sooo loved and enrich my and my husbands life so much.
Thank you both for all your lovely words, it means the world to me. Good luck with your embryos, and this weekend. xx and Thank you for the links, Take care Luv Belle xx


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## gingerbreadgirl

Hi Belle
As Hazel said, the Miscarriage Association leaflets are very helpful. I called them the day after I found out my second pregnancy was not viable (at the seven week scan) and they were amazing. I think I was still in shock and just dialed the number in a daze not really knowing what I was going to ask or talk about but ended up spending an hour talking to the lovely lady who answered the phone. It really did help and they followed up the call with lots of helpful leaflets by post. 
 
GG
xxx


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## belle-bubble

Hi, Thanks I will definatly phone them, It's been nearly a week now I can walk down the street without crying but I am in a daze the whole time and find the most easiest of things impossible. I will phone them, Thank You for all your words and advise.. xx


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## scooby-doo_123

hi belle-bubble

I had a m/c 5 weeks ago after my 1st icsi. I know how you feel because my world came crashing down. Since my m/c I have discovered lots of my colleagues have had m/c too- it's so cruel, and the need for fertility treatment is like another smack in the face. On getting the bfp I really didn't think I would m/c, it felt like a miracle getting to that point and I was on cloud 9.
The emotional pain is unbelievable, and I was in a very dark place- 2 weeks off work sick- I've never had a note in 10 years.

But it will get better, my m/c was going on for 3 weeks with scans/bloods etc as they thought it was ectopic because I was in so much pain. I feel a lot better now- still having very low moments and feeling very sorry for myself and very angry that this has happened, but I guess that is normal. Infact I've just seen a friend with her little girl- a result of a one night stand- I'm in a stinker of a mood now!

I've just started my 2nd cycle, and hoping this is successful- it's all i'm holding onto.

hugs to you, be kind to yourself xxx


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## belle-bubble

Hiya, 
Thank you for that, I have been a little better today and I guess more so tomorrow, but I still go in those quite dazes and think about how utterly unfair it is, I was on my 2nd IVF- Trying for 7 years, There were no words in the dictionary to describe my pure joy at being pregnant- 
I think I struggle more because I genuinely don't know any one personally in my life who needs fertility treatment Or has even m/c, I do feel quite isolated, But I have a lovely husband and great people around me. 
My consultants appointment is next month, I am hoping to start again over Xmas, Or in the New year so eager to start soon feel my life is on hold til then. 

All the VERY best for your treatment  , I really hope you have the best Xmas present in the world, Take lots of care, and Thanks again for your kind words.


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