# Catholics and donor sperm



## carrie lou

Hi, I'm relatively new to FF but hoping that someone here can offer some advice...

DH and I are considering using donor sperm to conceive as DH is apparently not producing any of his own.  
We have discussed this at length and the two of us feel very happy with this way forward.

However, DH was raised as a Catholic although he's now more or less lapsed. His parents are VERY conservative Catholics (they think he still attends church regularly) and we are worried about how they may react. We have agreed that we will tell our child/ren the whole truth, which means effectively that we have to be open with everyone. We haven't told anyone of our plans yet as we don't feel able to cope with the extra stress at the moment. My plan is to wait until I am actually pregnant before we tell the in-laws, then they will just have to like it or lump it. But I can't help worrying about how they will take it.   Being an atheist myself, I don't even know what the Catholic church's official position is on fertility treatment or donor sperm.

So I was wondering if anyone on here could enlighten me - what do devout Catholics believe about this issue? Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Thanks for reading.


----------



## skybluesarah

Hi,

Firstly, I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this situation, it must be so difficult.  

The official Catholic Church teaching is that any assisted conception (i.e. conception in any way other than intercourse) is not permitted, regardless of whether it is donor sperm or sperm from your other half.  You will not find many priests who are aware of that teaching, and many very conservative Catholics don't agree with it either.  

However - and this is the important bit I think - it is also taught that any child is a child of God, regardless of how they came into being, as it was God that made them.  So your baby should not be treated differently to any other, and for anyone to do so would not be a Catholic or Christian thing to do.

I hope this helps.  I can appreciate how difficult the situation would be with your in-laws, so good luck.


----------



## Guest

My DP is catholic and I was brought up CofE but now do not consider myself to be of any religion, I just try to be accepting of others. If you take any Christian faith literaly then DP and I are 'sinners' for being in a same sex relationship. We had DS baptised Catholic at DP's request and I spoke to the priest who is a very well educated man about how we were viewed within the catholic faith as a family. He was lovely and said that he loved God and his faith but that the church also had to change as society changed and be welcoming to everyone. I hope your inlaws can see things in this way xx Good luck with all your future treatment. Any child is a gift!


----------



## southernbelle

Hi
I am blessed to have a very understanding family priest who has been totally supportive of our procedure even though ours would probably offend the church more than anything. 
we had originally planned to use donor sperm and as a practising catholic I did not really even think that that went against the church. I totally agree with Skyblue- any child is a gift from God. I faced no opposition from my extremely Catholic family when donor sperm was contemplated!

Good luck Carrie


----------



## Starflower

I am not sure what the score is with the Catholic faith but you can be sure it will be conservative.

Remember your DHs parents might not be against the idea because of religion but more because going donor is a newish idea I guess and more common now. In their day if you could not have kids that was it, move on or adopt.

Personally we are also considering donor we have decided we are not going to tell anyone until the baby is born. We also feel the baby is the first person who needs to be told not parents or parents in law.
We also want to be open with our child about their biological backgound.

Perhaps wait a few months till the inlaws have bonded with the baby, then tell them, by that time they will already a relationship establised with them.

Good luck  SF

PS  Oh I forgot to say, do what is right for you as a couple, it is fine for people who have children to judge and say you should or should not do that! Ask them to walk a mile in your shoes as an infertile couple.... I tell you this journey is about as daunting as it gets!


----------



## SisterC

Hi Carrie lou

You can get the complete official view and teaching on reproductive medicine of the Catholic Church here

http://www.catholic-ew.org.uk/ccb/content/download/4320/29581/file/Dignitas_Personae_Inglese.pdf

Basically the catholic church does not allow ANY intervention in the conception of children - no IVF for example because it doesn't include the sexual act between husband and wife. It is really worth reading.

One thing that annoys me very much about the Catholic church is that what the Vatican says is doctrine is often contradicted by individual priests, and people pick and choose those parts of Catholicism that suit them and ignore what they don't like. Thank God I'm muslim now!

Anyway hope this link helps.

/links


----------

