# New member. Awaiting fertility referral, i am frightened to death



## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi,Ive just joined the site today.I have been with my partner for 11 years.I'm 27 and hes 31.Been happy for past 11 years but the past 2 years we have been wanting to start a family,especially now that we both are older,wise and financially stable.Anyway we both began trying to conceive at the beginning of 2006.Nothing happened,its now 18 months so we went to our doctor.He sent us away for tests,i had numerous blood tests and my partner had semen analysis.,My results came back all fine,normal as can be but my partners were a low sperm count,motility.His count was under 5 million and only 25% motility.Hes a healthy bloke,never smoked,does not have alcohol and is ideal weight.So anyway doctor has wrote to primary care trust for a refferal and funding for treatment.I just dont know what to expect.I am willing to try all routes,but am so frightened inside.I couldn't bare to think that i might not be a mum,especially having our own baby.What will happen when we are referred? Anyone out there had the same problem with partners sperm? Any happy ending?


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## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

Hi donnah

I know you are so scared at the moment. It is so hard when you first hear THAT news.

There will be loads of people on here who have been through a similar situation to you and I am sure MANY will have positive stories for you.

check out the threads on *starting out/diagnosis*

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=110.0

*Male factors*

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0

*There is a general IVF chit chat board*

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=3.0

You may be referred for* ICSI*, in which case there is a general board for that too

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=31.0

Also check out *your area * for people who will be at the same hospital who can share their experiences with you.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php#1 (go to your area)

Please know that this is a fantastic place for information and support. Someone will know exactly what you are going through and I can assure you although I know things look bleak at the moment, you are a long long long way from the end of the road with this!


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## Nicky1 ☺ ☺ (Jul 9, 2004)

Hi Donnah and welcome to Fertility friends 

I have moved your post to this section as you will get more responce form here, I'm sorry to hear you are having problems concieving, You have come to the right place for help and support 

Here is the link to the Male Factors board 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0 
on this board you will find other members who themselves or partners also have male factors causing infertility. I'm sure if you post a message on there you will get replies from others in the same situation as yourself 

You may also want to check out the Girl and Boy talk area for fun, games and general chat 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=1.0 

We also have a chat room where you can chat to other members, Sometimes themed nights are arranged too 
******************************************************* 
For information on our newbie chat nights check out this link ... 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=85409.0

For a list of FAQ follow this link..... 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=101841.0

And to find out the meanings for abbreviations follow this link .... 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=62247.0

If you have any trouble finding your way around the site please shout and someone will help you find what your looking for 

I wish you lots of love and luck in your journey.

Nicky x x x​


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## tinkerbelle78 (Aug 6, 2007)

Hello!!

Just thought i'd share my experiences with you.  Me and DH have been married 2 years and ttc for 2 years.  I have irregulsr periods although the doctors can't find a cause-they did suspect PCOS but I've had Ultrasounds and a laparoscopy and have been told that my ovaries are fine.  However, DH has had 2 SA now and both have shown that he has a good sperm count but has 'low progressive motility'.

I have been under a fertility consultant (not literally mind you!!lol )for about 12mths now and have had three cycles of Clomid with BFNs and am awaiting AF so that I can start a further three cycles.  When I saw my consultant last week he assured me and DH that it is not impossible that we won't conceive naturally although it feels like it sometimes!!!

Unfortunately it's just a waiting gam-until you have see a consultant and discussed options you might feel like your in limbo, I know we did but we just had fun trying!

Hope this gives you a bit hope although we are still ttc!!!

Good luck!! XX


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## Hayley1980 (May 13, 2007)

Hi Ya,

I,ve just read your post and thought I was reading about me. So similar.

Been with my DH for 10 years married 4 years ttc nearly 4 years, Im 27 Dh 33.

After about a year of not conceiving we went to the doc and he did various tests, my tests were fine but DH were not very good, he had a very bad SA he had under 1 million, he's also very healthy ideal weight, doesn't drink etc.

We were told by a fertility consultant that as DH sperm count so low, we would have a 2% chance of conceiving naturally, thats not ever month that was EVER   and had recommended IVF (ICSI)

It took me a year to pluck the courage up to have our 1st tx, I was really scared and deep down I thought maybe we could conceive it only takes one little spermy, but hell no ever month AF was there. 

So after 2 of ttc there was still no baby, so we decided to do ICSI straight away, the NHS waiting list was 4 years, so we paid privately anyway cut a long story short, 3rd tx in and we have our dream, I am nearly 17 weeks PG and we found out on Friday we are having a little man 

I wish you all the luck in the world   

Hayley
xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Donnah,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Donnah  
Many men experience poor motility/count and go on to father a child, My advice would be to keep up the no drinking/no smoking and healthy weight, and add in vitamins such as selinium & Zinc there is a lot of great advice on here for what men can do to improve swimmers, if treatment is needed, ICSI will be the most likely route.
Youve had some great replies,  for your journey.

ICSI - Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply)
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
check out the FAQ thread too - heres the Link CLICK HERE

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi *Donna* and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi Donnah, just wanted to say welcome to Fertility Friends. 

C~x


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## Hoshi (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi Donnah,

I definitely sympathise with the whole feeling in limbo thing. My DH has poor motility which came as a great shock to both of us as he lives a really healthy lifestyle. We're gradually picking up tips from people on this site and we'll see what happens...

But we do have the added complication that I'm not ovulating regularly so it's really good news that you're all clear in that department!

Good luck with the referral & lots of


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## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Thankyou to all your replies and advice.You have all made me feel so welcome.I wish you all the best with the long journey of becoming mummys.
I didn't realise that nhs funding has a waiting list of YEARS... So we have decided to go privately to get the balls rolling (oo errr)
I trying to feel positive,and I'm determined that one day i will be carrying a child.
One good thing is my partner has some swimmers,so its something to work with and we are willing to do whatever it takes.Thanks again everyone...you are the best...baby dust to you all!!


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## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

wishing you all the best donnah        

We also ended up going private as I was "getting on a bit" and the wait between investigations was months through NHS.  Also the NHS messed up our   tests twice and we lost 8 months while they flaffed about!


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## bib (Apr 17, 2007)

Hi donnah and welcome to ff.

You have found a wonderful place full of loads of advice and support.  Everyone here will understand the fears you have and will be able to empathise with you.

I too was petrified of tx and not having a great outcome.  I think it is something that is common to everyone, not that that will make you feel any better i know.

Once you have seen the consultant that you choose to use and you have a real plan in place, at least you will know where you are at and will deal with things from there.

Keep the spirit hun and post away here.  You will always find words of encouragement to help you through.

Wishing you much luck on your journey babe.

love

Bib xxxxx


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## Yoda (Feb 24, 2005)

Donnah

Dont be scared of the tx - its a doddle honestly.  Its the labour that you need to be scared off lol!!!

All the very best.  

Yoda xx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

*Donnah*

Welcome to FF, I've been here a year now & the girls are so brilliant, so wonderful & really supportive.

Despite my DP being told that his sperm were ABNORMAL (the gp's words which obviously upset my DP no end) we managed to get 9 out of 11 eggs to fertilize last year.

Keep your chin up & make sure you stay in touch with these wonderful girls. 
Take care, Sally xxx


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## twocer (Jul 4, 2007)

hi ,
would just like to just say we appear to have come to the right place,as I am new to FF as well so sorry but I wont be able to give you much advice as looking for some myself but would like to send you a hug and say I know what you mean when you say you are afraid I am much in the same boat..but good luck and I'm sure this site will help us.take care x


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## celilauren (Dec 3, 2007)

Hi, I've had two friends who's DH's swimmers had practically no motility (ie much less than your dh's), and they both managed to get preggers, the hospital found a few, not so much swimming as twitching every now and then, and that was enough to start the process. 
good luck with it all, don't be scared, also I've found asking questions so hard up till now, and now I make sure I get all the answers and take my time and not be intimidated to keep asking till i feel clear, that helps me to let the fear float away.
all the very best to you

big love 
Lauren xxxx


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## LittleMissJo (Dec 4, 2007)

Hi Donnah,

I am new to the site too!
I am on my first cycle of IVF and trying to stay positive but it is very difficult.
My problem is endo, blocked tube and one ovary but it has moved and doctor is not sure if it can be reached for collection  
Just wanted to let you know that one of my close friends had a baby this February, her husband had a low sperm count but IVF ICSI worked for them. First time too!

Good luck xxxx


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## VicksB (Dec 6, 2007)

Hi there - I also just joined. Our problems are with me, but my sister and her husband had the same situation as you. His mobility was very low and I think they were told that he had 10% normal sperm. Anyway, after trying for 2 years, my sister is now pregnant and due to give birth in January. In her case, they had to move away for her husbands job which meant that my sister left work. She was totally de-stressed and says that in a way she had stopped hoping and trying because they were in a foreign country where IVF wasn't an option. So, they stopped thinking about it and bam! within a month of leaving the UK she was pregnant. So, my advice is this - think about what you can do to shift the focus a bit. If you are anything like me, every month you'll be thinking "OK, now is my fertile time... please let it be this month.. please" and then your period comes and you are devastated. Find a way to de-stress. Maybe look at alternative medicine - I am going to start acupuncture (I believe this can benefit both you and your man). If you aren't yet on the IVF waiting list with the NHS, you should ask about it. It depends on where you live but I think you should expect the wait to be about 2 years unless you can self-fund.  Fingers crossed for you both.


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## Guest (Dec 6, 2007)

Hi Donna,
We were in the same position as you.  Everything for me was ok.  DH's SA got more and more depressing each time it was done (maybe stress played a part here).  We opted to go private and the consultant also got on with NHS funding planning too.  We had ICSI and I am now 6 pg with twins.  As long as there is something swimming, you'll be fine!  Just make sure you talk to each other and not just on the IF subject, it managed to keep us sane.
Good luck


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## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Ive only just logged on and realised i had all these replies!! Sorry 
Update:We saw our consulatant again in Novemeber,he asked for another seme sample and that came back 5 million and 35% motility...GREAT its doubled in 3 months! That gave my partner a bit of a confidence boost,and deep down i felt overjoyed that even though its still low its gave us much more too work with,and fingers crossed in the next 3 months it improves again.
When we got the results,our consulatant says i can offer you ivf,put us on the waiting list but we are looking at a year.I then asked what about iui,he said we could also have that but i would need to come in and have my tubes dye tested before so that he could see i had no blockages.
So..this is the year for our roller coaster ride having my tubes tested in march and then soon after that its the iui.Ill give anything a go! Thanks so much all you lovelies for the advice and support.so pleased that alot of you are having babies,and too the ones that havent reached that stage yet...good luck adn your tme will come.xxxxx


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

Hi Donnah.  It is very hard and scary.  I remember the day DH and I found out he has low sperm count (4 mil with 51% moving, 18% sluggish, can't remember the rest).  We were both shocked.  I was beyond words the next day.  We are now at the stage of review on 20th february when we hope to be put on the waiting list for whatever treatment we need.  DH and I are Christians and our church family have been amazing especially our senior leader who has just been brilliant.  The best 2 pieces of advice he's given me so far have been to find something positive to focus on and find ways of getting through it.  The latter was given after I'd cried on a friend's shoulder all through the dedication of the latest baby to be born to church members and then gone to senior leader afterwards saying 'when is it going to be me'.  There's been 12 babies born to members of our church family since feb 05.  Loads of our friends/family have had babies since then as well.  Don't bottle things up either.


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## Banana Girl (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi Donnah -

great news about the recent SA - was your DH doing anything different or was it just a fluke?

We were told my DH had only a 5% chance of getting me pg ever, and that ICSI was our only option. Dh was like yours, fit healthy, tee total no smoking, no drugs etc etc etc

I was also all over the place with ovulation and a blocked tube.

We joined Foresight, www.foresight-preconception.org.uk
and i was pg in 5 months.  they specialise in men who don't have an "obvious" reason for a low SA as they do hair testing, so can find out if he has dangerous heavy metals in his body (!) and all sorts of other stuff.

No needles, no drugs.  We joined the ICSI waiting list (too scared not to) and were discussing going private when I got my BFP, got our IVF appt that same week! I very happily turned it down.

You have options xxxx
/links


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## msjulie (Nov 24, 2007)

Hi Donna

You sound just like us, im 27, dp 30 been together 13 years and ttc 7 years, we are just starting ivf/icsi in feb as we were offered iui on the nhs but didnt want to wait and waste more time so decided to go private and so straight to ivf. We are with Care and there great.  Hope all the up-coming tests go well, good luck.

Julie x


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## ♥Saila♥ (Mar 27, 2006)

Hiya!!

Welcome to FF and Good Luck!

Hope to see you with a BFP soon

xxxx


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Hi, just want to say hello and welcome to FF, I hope you get loads of support on here (I'm 100% sure you will!) and that you get a BFP soon xx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Hi Donnah,
I am just reading through & found your posts, hope you are doing OK & you are feeling welcome on here, these girls are brilliantly supportive.

My DP had a low count & after dealing with the very stressful things in life his cound has gone up 20% in the last year. so happy & it means that all the relaxation, vitimins etc are well worth trying.

We've just about to start our 2nd IVF in Feb, so we're nervous. It is a rollercoaster but the girls on here are so supportive that I never felt alone.

Good luck with the dye test, it's not that bad at all. I took a couple of paracetamol before I went & never had any problems. It was interesting to see on the screen so that takes away the fear. Sadly both my tubes were blocked, but it's worth going through.

All the best, Sally xx


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## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Thankyou all for your replies.Im still getting used to this site and only just stubbled across more replies..thanks again!
Update: I had my lapdye test 26th march and was sooo happy to see im all clear.We sat nervously waiting to hear what next step would be..and then nursey came back with my partners SA results,they have improved again!! and so much that we was accepted to have IUI aswell.We was in shock! because we both really didnt feel that we would have much of a chance.We are thrilled   
I started my first IUI tx last week...
So far so good.My day 10 scan (yesterday) showed a 8.1mm womb lining and foliies at 1.6 ..whatever that means   but she said its good.
The nurse said i have responded to tx really quickly and are in doubt what to do next as i can be over stimulated if i got more.So monday i will have another scan and then will tell me if they can go ahead with the insemination tuesday or abandon it.Fingers crossed 
Im feeling so much more positive now about having a baby.Read the results and 2007 they have 70% sucess rate IVF,its fantastic!


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## iris-jade (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Donnah,

I would not want to get your hopes up but my partner had very similar problems and like yours he didn't smoke or drink either, he had a number of SA's done and all the same.  One consultant pretty much wrote him off!  We were told that the only option for us was to try icsi and that there was nothing at all we could do to improve the quality of his sperm.  Anyway my partner wasn't prepared to give up so easily, he started eating more fruit and veg and took regular supplements of Zinc, vitamin E and vitamin C, and absolutely no hot baths.  The last SA was normal, so fantastic for him.  Unfortunately not so for me, after he's results came back normal and we still were not getting pregnant I was referred for a lap and dye and it was discovered that I had blocked tubes and so we are to under go IVF anyway.  But for your man, there is hope, the quality of semen change from test to test.  Whilst your waiting for appointments don't give up and keep trying.

I know how stressful this trying to concieve business is but the best of luck to both of you.  X


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

donnah - good luck with your tx this month     

littlemissjo - hiya mate how are you?


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

Donnah. Hope and  that tx gets you a


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hun 

Are you finding yor way about FF Ok 



iris-jade said:


> Hi Donnah,
> I would not want to get your hopes up but my partner had very similar problems and like yours he didn't smoke or drink either, he had a number of SA's done and all the same. One consultant pretty much wrote him off! We were told that the only option for us was to try icsi and that there was nothing at all we could do to improve the quality of his sperm. Anyway my partner wasn't prepared to give up so easily, he started eating more fruit and veg and took regular supplements of Zinc, vitamin E and vitamin C, and absolutely no hot baths. The last SA was normal, so fantastic for him.


Keep your man on the vits etc as it takes 3 months roughly to benifit and it will increases your chances at IVF
if DH's swimmers are the best they can be & add selinium too 

~Dizzi~


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## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Thanks again for all your replies...i dont know what id do without this site,you are all so supportive!  
I am currently on the 2ww,had my ist IUI this week so its just the waiting game and then if it dont work try again.We have 3 goes of IUI and then our IVF should be coming up as doctor said its a year waiting list....so just trying and trying and keeping my fingers crossed  
I dont actually feel too bad,having all the tests done and seeing that im ok has gave me a bit more hope and dh spermies are getting better every 3 months.Hes just stuck too doctors orders of having no hot baths too keep them cool and hes taking wellman vitamins and Q-10.so far so good,from 8 months ago at 2.5 million they have reached 13.1 million and 72% motilty so much more of a chance and a bit of spirit for us.
Alot of people knows we are having our first go...but if i dont get a BFP then next time we are keeping it a secret.Mum phoned me and asked how i had got on and said all went well etc and that i had 2 nice big follies and all i got off her was "Cant they just release on,twins would be alot of work"  
I really dont need this negativity,in our eyes one baby would be a dream come true...twins would be amazing.People can be so insensitive,going through all this!
Id just like too say a big thankyou for all your support and great advice and stories. 
Thanks for being there


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

donnah - ah the mother comments   she wont mean to offend im sure, its hard for people to know what to say. i think my friends were dissapointed, as my doc has rec. i have 1 embryo put back in, as im at risk of another ectopic. everyone thinks ivf and thinks "twins". everybodys different. i feel a little pressure from my mum as she wants to be a grandmar so much. i think ive told too many people this time, with it being my first fertility tx. im with you, i think i may tone it down a little next time. i mean its ok if it works, but if not you kinda have to keep telling people which wont be nice

good luck and i pray it works for ya


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

I've had insensitive comments as well.  Friends at church have given me 'In God's time' or 'Be patient, it'll happen'.  Easier said than done, the number of people we know who've had babies in the last 3 years (14 to church members as well as family and friends).  It's not easy, when I've been really down, everyone at church has been amazing.  The worst comment I've had was last year when DH and I were staying at my parents, they were looking after my Niece who was 9.5 mnths at the time for a couple of days.  It was afternoon nap time and she wasn't settling so Dad was holding her in his arms to settle her before putting her in the cot.  He came into the conservatory and said 'This is what you'll have to put up with when you have a baby' my reply 'I'll take the crying, the sleepless nights, dirty nappies, colic, reflux and whatever else a baby can throw at me if I could just get pg and have a child'.  He walked out without a word.  The IF hadn't really fully hit me at that point either.  I'm feeling happier about the situation now since getting on the waiting list back in February and it's only about 4-7 mnths in my area so hopefully, we'll be starting tx in September or not long after.  For us we're having 2 embies put back in which gives 40% success rate with 25% chance of it being twins.


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

cate1976

good luck hunny


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## Redsquizza30 (Mar 25, 2008)

Good luck Donnah


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## donnah (Aug 13, 2007)

Thanks everyone again for your replies!  
Im sytill in my 2ww ....fell more like a 2yw (year wait)   but im doing ok and keeping myself busy trying to get through each day.
We had another birth in the family last week,i had a moment of sadness.Not that i dont want others too have babies,its just 2 yrs ago when we started ttc she had just given birth..and now shes got 2 and then my sister had a girl and then my dp sister had a girl and now shes on number 2 aswell  
I find it uncanny how the minute we did decide to have a child...that i seemed to have made everyone else pregnant and not me!  
I went to see the new baby yesterday and held my head up high and this time it didnt hurt as much...i didnt go home and cry...im now being helped so i feel a bit positive!!!


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

I'm in the 2ww hun as well so now how long it feels, and mines only just started. Just trying to focus on the fact that we are PUPO  at the moment.

Have been reading your 2ww diary, and will keep checking to see how you get on.

Well done you for keeping that head held high. It takes so much strenghth.


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