# Thoughtless Comments



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Anybody come across thoughtless comments from others? I was in a coffee shop yesterday, and as soon as I walked in there were literally 8 buggies. Disheartened I looked for a quiet spot in the corner (I find it difficult to be around babies, children, happy couples at the moment because it's not me, not because I dislike children etc). Anyway, I asked somebody if they would mind if I joined them at their table, because "the other half of the cafe is full of kids"  . Her reply was "of course, don't you like children?" I replied, yes I do but it's complicated". I wanted to say "none of your business". I then went on to explain that I was in a difficult situation at the moment and children are very much part of my future (immediately wished I hadn't said that). This lady's face dropped and she proceeded to leave the cafe pretty quick. Her parting comment was "do it now" (as in have children - if only it were that simple).  I really struggle with public places like this which represent what I so badly want to be part of. I can't stay indoors and yet I have to face this every day!! Just had to rant, sorry. I'm hoping to start treatment soon. But, my situation is kinda complication - I'm doing it alone and it hurts!  . But, I know I'm doing the right thing.


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Perhaps she left so quickly because she knows exactly how it feels, perhaps she waited to late herself and left the cafe sharpish before she started having a sob?. Next time if someone says "don't you like children" just say no, after all it's nothing to do with them and they aren't asking as they're interested just to make conversation.

I could write an entire book on the title of thoughtless comments from others, mother in the law aka the cowbag is the absolute queen of them. Yesterday she was asking if I'd seen that lovely baby scan picture in the Telegraph although maybe it would upset me. Er under the circumstances ya think?. Heading there for Easter lunch and wondering if I'll have pics of DH's cousins spawn shoved under my nose again (like at Christmas, even though she's aware our baby would have been born the same time).Am timing it at present to avoid the Easter Egg Hunt where the rosy cheeked village children will be hunting for eggs etc pursued by their hideous munter mothers, joy oh joy. So you're not alone ifthat helps.

Good luck with the IVF all I can say is develop yourself a good thick skin and very soon because trust me when you're on cycle and feeling like a hormonal teenager it only gets worse I'm afraid. As for anyone who makes thoughtless comments, just laugh, it's all you can do to stay sane.

hugs 

Maisy


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi gaia71

Sorry you are feeling so low.  It is soooooooo hard being around babies/preg people/ families all the time when it's what you yearn for yourself.  You have to let so many comments just go over your head and ignore as much as possible.  If people have not Been in our situation they will not understand how painful it is. 

Wishing you soooo much luck with your tx, where are you having it done? Going it alone must be hard but I am sure it is the right decision and one I would most certainly have done myself if I hadn't met dh. When do you start? 

Maisyz.  Good luck With the Easter lunch! 

Xx


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks for the replies Maisy and Louise...

By the time you read this you will have probably had your Easter lunch - I hope it went ok. Family gatherings can be a nightmare sometimes can't they.

Thank you both for your supportive replies. I've got my first consultation next week actually plus fertility scans - hope to have started by Autumn this year   Fingers and toes crossed. Am hoping to try DIUI first (probably with Clomid - will know more later). Then move to IVF (due to my age). Review it one step at a time. I'm going to Create in London.


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Good luck with it all Gaia

My clinic recommend to go straight to ivf instead of iui because of my age ( was 38 when started it all !) as ivf more effective... But still don't have my baby after 2 ivfs so I guess you go with what they tell you.  Do you have friends and family who are supporting you on this journey? Wishing you so much luck x


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Hi Louise,

Thanks for the advice. My main drawback is funding (IUI cheaper) and a fear of GA  ... However, I will be guided by what the clinic advise. I guess I'm hoping my good hormone profile will stand me in good stead and am in good overall health. I might be inclined to try IUI once before moving on to IVF (instead of paying for 3 cycles of IUI for example). I will probably try at least 3 times before considering other options (e.g. egg donation or adoption). It's so difficult to know what to do for the best. Even harder when you're doing it alone. But, I'm certain I'm doing the right thing. Mum v supportive and dad coming around lol... friends and relations of mixed opinions   . GP supportive too  .... Have my consultation next week so will know more then (e.g. womb, and fallopian tube health etc). I'm eager to start as soon as possible, but want to be as informed as possible (and as physically healthy as possible) before I have my first attempt. I guess there isn't always a right time to get pregnant. But, I'm healthy, I'm a professional woman and I have a support network, so I trust all will be well. My ideal would be a family of 3 or 4 (including DP). But, hopefully that will come in time


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

I meant to add. Is Clomid recommended in our age group, if say the woman has a history of mild PCOS? I think I'm ovulating every month, although my last progesterone count was 30 I think (borderline ovulation?). My GP advised me that there is a risk of multiples (which I was aware of). But, given my age and PCOS history I wonder if it would be worth pursuing with the GP/fertility specialist?


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Hia.  I did 3 rounds of chlomid when I was 39. But don't know about pcos as don't have that.  Don't think there is too much of a risk of multiples with chlomid though.  It's worth giving it a go, but I probably wouldn't give it more than 3 months! 

Pm me if you want to ask anything.  I admire you for doing it alone and am sure it's the right decision.  You dont want to look back and think i wish I'd given it a go!!


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks Louise. Useful to know. Fingers crossed for scan tomorrow. I guess the main thing I'm worrying about is presence of fibroids, cysts etc. Looking 
hopeful so far but worried not the less. Will definitely consider taking Clomid first time round to give myself the best chance etc...

Thank you for your support - it's not been any easy decision but one I've got to stick to. My gut tells me it's the right thing to do. Mum very supportive as are some of my friends. It's going to take a bit of convincing to reassure my dad and grandmother though... I think my dad's coming around to it. He's just concerned about me going it alone. If I was five/ten years younger I'd wait, but I just don't want to miss the boat so to speak. I'll always regret it if I don't at least try. It's not how I would have planned it. But, I'd prefer to do it this way now than to simply get pregnant by other means. I will keep you posted.


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Good luck with your scan tomorrow.  It's better to have a baby on your own than not at all. ! let me know how u get on ! X


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Will do. Thank you.  Fingers and toes crossed all will be ok.   Then I've got to find the funds   At least I'll have the incentive to save and I'd like to go ahead around September latest


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Oh don't get me started on finding the funds!! I think it absolutely disgusting the nhs won't help!!  They will help smokers, obese people and those who've never worked a day in their lives but not those with fertility issues they deem too old!!! (even though we pay a fortune in in taxes!!) 

After this round (at 9 grand a go all in ) we will have spent 27 thousand pounds and not a thing to show for it!! 

Anyway enough moaning !!! At least if you've got sept in mind it gives you time to save and investigate it all !!


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Well, scan went better than expected. Overall fertility good for age.  Uterus healthy - good blood flow etc. There were follicles on both ovaries although one ovary was tucked behind the uterus and was polycystic in appearance. Other ovary fine with 9 developing follicles so far. There was one fibroid outside the uterus which is not of concern in terms of achieving a pregnancy. Got to get a HycoSy test done next (to check the fallopian tubes are clear) and various screening blood tests from GP. Then I can proceed with treatment when I am ready. Also been given information on selecting a donor - seems quite a straight forward process. Feeling quite excited about the possibilities now. Oh, the fertility specialist recommended mid IVF but if I wanted to proceed with DIUI I should take Clomid to increase my chances. This would be for a short period only to minimise over stimulating the ovaries. Think I will definitely try IUI first and then IVF. Fingers crossed IUI is all I need  . If money no object would probably jump straight to IVF!


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Oh brilliant! That all sounds quite promising! You must be pleased.  How do you go About selecting a donor then? Do you get to choose the person?  Exciting!!!


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Yes I can - been given details of 4 european donor banks - you can choose your donor and then make a payment. Donation can either be sent to me (privately) or to the clinic I elect for IUI. Costs not that bad either (but in euros). There is a bank in UK but not a large choice at my clinic. Feeling cautiously excited. Now I've got to decide when to go ahead  .... Trying to get HyCoSy test sorted and take it from there. I hear the test can be uncomfortable so may opt for sedation lol


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Oh sounds exciting, looking through and choosing your donor!!  The test is quite uncomfortable but bearable! They give you painkillers before, I went Home  after and chilled out with a hot water bottle! It's not bad enough to need sedation though! 

I'm in for egg collection Friday! Sooooooo nervous now and hoping for third time lucky!!!!


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Good luck with EC Louise - hope it works out for you. Fingers and toes crossed.


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