# Single Adopter Urgent Advice Needed Please re Employment



## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Hi am hoping someone who has already adopted can help me please....

Preferably adopters from UK (Wales and England as know some laws can be different in Scotland and Northern Ireland)

I'm a single adopter, recently approved. I work two part time jobs to make up a full time wage. One of these jobs pays poorly and is very stressful for me. I've been in it for six months and have been open about my plans to adopt.

A few weeks into this post I knew I simply couldn't stay long term so applied for another job. I didn't get it at that stage. However, they have now contacted me. The person they employed has left for personal reasons so they're now offering it to me. I had my resignation letter ready to take to work and was pleased to accept.

Then I checked with the social worker and realised I would get no statutory maternity pay until I've been there six months.

Obviously the risk is they may find a match for me during that time and I wouldn't be able to afford to take time off to be with my child (am approved for child 0-2 years)

I'm seeing my options as being:
1 stay where I am where adoption pay is guaranteed but continue to be stressed and have low wage from it
2 Leave and take risk of being matched before six month timescale
3 Put adoption plans temporarily on hold

I've waited so long to be a mother that even though option 3 is probably the most sensible I just can't face the thought of it.

My social worker said only I can decide and said that there's simply no way of knowing when there will be a match as it changes constantly. For example she had made preliminary investigations to match with a two year old already despite me only being approved a few weeks back (wouldn't ordinarily have shared with me because of the risk of building my hopes but as I explicitly asked because of this job offer she was honest with me) Both she and adoption worker felt I would be an excellent match but child's social worker wasn't interested as felt two parent family was needed.

So there is simply no way of knowing when things could change. I could take the risk and be in trouble, or could take it and be fine, or I could stay put in job and still be in same position in a year's time.

I own my own home (mortgaged) so won't get help with housing benefit (this is what most people suggest as I think I could claim it if I was in a rented property) although I am contacting universal credit in the morning to check as sometimes you get help with interest part of payment (specific criteria for this too though which on the surface of things I don't appear to match).

I know nobody can make my decision for me but am just wondering how other single adopters have managed things financially. Or if any of you can see an alternative that I'm too immersed to see?

Feel like my life has been on hold for too long as it is so really don't want to delay any further.

Also, if I do take the risk do I tell this new employer from the outset? I did with the current one but hadn't started the assessment process then so knew I would be in post a while before I would have to go off. It doesn't feel particularly attractive to be saying to a new employer 'thanks am thrilled to accept....by the way I may be off on adoption leave and not actually there to do the job within a few months). I know legally nobody is supposed to discriminate but they are naturally going to want me to be there to do the job they're paying me for and am worried that me being upfront may result in me having a 'problem' at my six month probationary point and then finding myself one job down anyway.

It's just occurred to me that I could query with adoption team whether I could do the two days a week work if I wasn't entitled to stat pay but know they're likely to discourage this because of potential attachment issues....and I want to be home with my child anyway. Am also not sure, even if this were a possibility, if working one job would remove my entitlement to stat pay in my main job.

Timing of this couldn't be much worse. 

Apologies for such long post.

Have to make a decision in the morning.

Any advice thoughts really appreciated.

Thanks xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I'm not an adopter but you will recall I'm a solo mum to my 2 boys.  You will get Tax Credits and what I found was I've been worse off when I've increased my hours as my tax credits have been slashed.

Id be tempted to take the new job and see what happens.  I am fairly confident you will not want to go back full time once you have a little one and you would have to pay back any additional perks from Adoption pay other than the statutory if you didn't go back to the stressful job and just returned to the other part time job.  My advice would be look after yourself for now as you are still on your own until a match is made.  These things usually work out. 

There is help out there but the Tax Credits system is so complicated it's hard to work out what your entitlement is before hand.  I missed out on many months claiming because I mistakenly thought I wasn't entitled to claim, having never been in the benefits system I knew no better. Would it be helpful to ask Citizens Advice Bureau on what you would be entitled to? 
TCCx


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Thanks TinCan, of amuse I remember you and little Titch and Chunk...dread to think how old they are now!

I might not have made myself clear. I have two part time jobs to make up full time wage. I would definitely like to stick to part time after my adoption leave.

My problem is I can't afford to not have the second income coming in whilst I'm on adoption leave. If I take the new job and am matched with a child before the 26 weeks are up (6 months) I will get no income at all from that post. Which I simply cannot afford.

I'm the same as you, no idea of benefits system. Know that if I was renting my property it wouldn't be so bad as I could claim housing benefit but I have a mortgage so wouldn't be entitled to anything. It's so unhelpful that you can't do anything pre-emptively isn't it. Especially as social services expect so much clarity on how you'll do everything, you've no way of knowing unless you're familiar with the system or have a huge stash of cash behind you which, thanks to my lovely ex, I absolutely don't.

Good to hear from you. Hope somebody who's been in my exact shoes comes along soon.xx


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## janieliz (Jul 25, 2014)

Hi Miss Mayhem,
First of all, massive congratulations on being approved to adopt - it's a massively tough process. I haven't adopted but I am a single mum by choice and have had to navigate the benefits system for a little while. I would echo what TCC suggested, I went along to the CRB and they gave me some advice whilst pregnant, but the best people I talked to was Gingerbread. They are an IAG charity for single parents and I found they were more up to date with everything. I am not sure how maternity/adoption leave works with two part-time jobs, my job which offered 90% for the first 6 weeks and then offered SMP for the remaining time which I think was about £540 a month. Would the maternity/adoption pay be more than that split over two jobs? If not, then there is something called maternity allowance which is roughly the same which is paid by the state for people that are self-employed or worked somewhere for less than 6 months. Again, I am not sure how it relates to adoption leave but it sounds like you need to speak to someone that knows all about the benefit systems, perhaps then, it would help with your decision? I went back to work part time and got help with childcare costs and also working tax credits.

x


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## janieliz (Jul 25, 2014)

*CAB not CRB!!


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

There is a really great organisation called Turn 2 Us who have a website and telephone helpline: they have loads of details of benefits and grants available for all sorts of different circumstances: it might be worth checking with them.

Also congratulations on approval: I have "seen" you on FF for quite a few years and great to see this is happening for you xxx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

I think you have been given great advice but I recall a friend having a slightly similar scenario (but was hoping to be pregnant from ivf) and as you can only claim statutory pay (adoption and maternity) from one employer then only one of the jobs would give you the £'s so if this job is making you miserable and is the lesser paid one anyway, I would go for it and use your #1 job to claim entitlement.
Might be worth speaking to CAB for advice to understand how you will manage financially.
Good luck.


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

I'm not an adopter but work for 2 families as a nanny,I am entitled to SMP from both though tax does get deducted as it takes you over your personal allowance for the year. As long as you are earning over £113pw and they are paying your tax and NI then both employers have to pay the 90% of your wages for 6 weeks then £140 for next 33 weeks,I think the same amount of SMP applies if you are adopting. Check in your area if you can still claim working and child tax credits as some areas now only offer universal credit which sadly tends to work out as less money,my area is now UC only for new claims and compared to the old system I will be over £200pm worse off plus they are fazing out help with mortgage interest,they will now give you a loan to pay it but I'm not sure how long for or how you pay it back. You can claim back upto 85% childcare costs if carry on working once you have your child. You can claim maternity allowance if move to new job as you will have been working for the required number of weeks even if not in same job. The suggestion to talk to Gingerbread is a good one as they are most upto date on advice for single parents. Adopting is a great thing to do lots of luck with it all


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Hi guys thank you all so much for your input I really appreciate it. Don't want to sound defeatist but have already been to CAB (I read that and not CRB anyway!😂) the guy I spoke with wasn't that great sadly, kept quoting me the same information I had read myself but misinterpreted it so was telling me I was entitled to statutory adoption pay SAP from day one, then he frightened the life out of me by telling me I wasn't earning enough in my second job to be entitled to it anyway. I do though, established that much. I spoke with gingerbread too, woman there was fab but I was so upset by the time I got through to her (had done many different agencies by then) that I couldn't process all she was saying. She recommended maternity action and some child law place. Long and short I think is I either risk it and get more money or I stay safe but stay skint. Wish the social workers were genned up on all this stuff to take a bit of the stress out of it. Will let you know the outcome tomorrow in case anyone else ends up in similar position, probably be easier if I could just go with the flow and see what happens but when there's an expectation on you to evidence things it's hard to just be blasé, plus after trying for so long am not about to start motherhood by being rash and irresponsible. But thank you all again so much, some brilliant advice and suggestions and will try those I haven't already. Thanks guys xx


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hiya, I'm an adopter. 
Congrats on being approved!
From experience -if you hate the job, quit. The whole process is so bloody stressful and having a new child home with an inbuilt personality already establish and a bit older so sleeping a lot less than a newborn, you will be physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. When they first come home you are hyperaware and won't get a decent night's sleep for some time -the energy used in this is phenomenal and draining. You do NOT want to add in stress and anxiety on top.
In terms of finances, if you don't get SAP, you are entitled to Adoption Allowance (like maternity allowance) from what I remember. As your income will be lower, you'll also be eligible for additional benefits -if you put your new income based on just the one job into the turn2u website benefits calculator, based on having a child, you'll be eligible for a lot more. You're also eligible for an adoption allowance from your local authority if needed to meet your child's needs and low income/ any special needs your child might have come into this.
Generally I figure is that what is meant to be will happen and things will fall into place -it certainly did when our son came home xxx


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Gosh must have missed your post somehow arrows, so wish I'd seen it sooner. Told the new job today I wouldn't be accepting and will be staying in the poorly paid stressful one, was in tears. You've been more straight than any professional has been. This morning ACAS were my last try and they basically just referred me back to benefits helpline where I ended up having to select maternity option as all other options just led to the automatic hang up. Again she was lovely but could only give maybes, said I needed to speak to someone in income support but, again, every word I uttered ended up in me having the automated ‘more information can be found at, thank you, goodbye’ was SO frustrating after two hours of getting nowhere I was done. I feel beaten and demoralised and am already regretting decision as have horrible feeling the social worker is overworked so probably unlikely to find match for me within six months. So exhausting trying to make this decision; really feel that adoption workers should have specific training in adoption and employment law/benefits etc.....or st least have one person in team who has responsibility for it within a team to be able to advise. We’re not all lucky enough to not have to worry about money whilst on leave. 😢 Thank you all for trying to help though girls, perhaps it’s my fault maybe am not clear enough with questions I ask, don’t think so though.Either way am done now can’t go back now.xx


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