# Sudden meltdown day 4 of 2ww have I blown it?



## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Girls I'm hoping for a bit of positive feedback, have any of you had a complete meltdown during the 2ww and still gone on to have a bfp. I'm on day 4 of the 2ww and today I have totally lost it, think its probably the build up of the not knowing and fear of yet another bfn. The thing is this seems to happen to me every cycle and then I think it's my fault that it hasn't worked.  The thing is everything seems to have gone so well this time too, I moved to the ARGC, had two blasts transferred by Mr T so have a really good chance but I just can't seem to stay positive and now this outburst today has made things ten times worse. 

Any advice really would be appreciated xx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hiya Specky, I'm on day 5 after transfer of 2 early blasts on weds. Have blood test on Friday. I'm also stressing out today big time!! This is our 2nd try at ivf. I think it's normal to stress out at this point. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Today I have been worrying about whether I have been taking the cyclogest pessaries properly. I got a self hypnosis cd called the ivf companion, amazon sell it. You listen once a day for half an hour and it helps you to relax and think positively. It's no wonder we are stressing with all these hormones rushing around. Try to think good happy thoughts-fingers crossd for both of us. Lxx


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi LizzieBee

Thanks for the reply, I have the zita west cd which I've been doing but couldn't do it today for crying, I get stressed over being stressed lol can't be doing myself any good. Just feel so emotional today. Fingers crossed we both have good luck x


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Specky,
Me too.  Felt fine yesterday and then meltdown today!  I spoke to my friend Amanda, she gave birth to twin boys in Jan after successful IVF.  She too had major meltdown at this stage and even after getting positive preg test didn't believe it and was still worrying!!  So, I think it's normal to stress and has no bearing on whether or not the IVF will be a success.  You hear so many stories of people who have a long and stressful journey, but eventually they get there - I'm sure we both will.  Let's keep in touch this week and keep each other smiling.  You have been through so much by the sounds of it, but there is ALWAYS hope!  So, tell me something nice - what do you like to do to relax?  Where did you go on your last holiday?  Let's think about nice things for a bit...By the way, it made me giggle when you said about Mr.T doing your transfer - I hope it wasn't Mr.T from the A-team!!!
L xxx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Lizzibee and Specky,

I hope you don't mind me joining you. I am in the same situation.  I had my transfer on Friday so this is my 2nd day. This is our second ICSI. We had two 'nearly' blasts transfered (very good embies) and one is in the freezer. So fingers crossed. I have the picture of my scan on my fridge. It is really clear compared to my last one and everytime I look at it, I pray.  

I keep positive by being outside in the garden but it is hard to get yourself occupied. I don't feel as stressed as during my first cycle but I have almost prepared myself for BFN. I am already thinking whether we should use our frozen embie next time or do another fresh cycle (this is sooo negative....).

I feel negative because I feel exactly the same as I did during my first cycle. Sore after the ET and all the drugs. However, all these symptoms are gradually going and I am beginning to feel normal. I expect to feel different (i.e. to have some symptoms) but I don't.

How do you both feel.

I pray for all of us.  

Lots of love

Shasha

xx


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## lacy (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Lizzibee,specky,sashaj

Am on the same boat,except that my beta is tomorrow,i was going fine through the first week,but starting the second week i started to be bloomy all the time,and yesterday i had a total breakdown,i spent the whole day in tears,i was thinking not to even do the test,i feel am gonna get the BFN for the 3rd time and i dont think i can handle it,i have zero symptoms this is whats worrying me,nothing at all,except for a rash that i've been having for 2 days now,i've googled like crazy and people say its becuz of the high progestrone levels becus of the meds...
though am praying for all of us maybe it will turn into a happy ending after all


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,
Thanks for your reply.  Good idea to put the scan on the fridge - a nice reminder on the little embies inside!  I have been trying very hard to keep positive and have been doing quite well up until today.  This is our 2nd attempt at IVF, I also had 2 early blasts transferred on Weds.  Symptom wise I have been getting some stabbing pains in my abdomen, but I think this is down to my ovaries returning to normal after all the drugs and stimulation.  Regarding pregnancy symptoms, absolutely nothing, but then my friend Sarah who had successful IVF this yr had no symptoms either and she is now 5 months gone.  I think any symptoms at this stage would be imagined as you shouldn't really notice anything until 2 wks after positive test, or so I've read.  I think success is all about whether those little ones are going to grow and stick or not, and there's not that much we can do about that.  We have all done really well to get to this stage!  I have taken 6 months off work to cope with the strain of IVF and fertility issues.  I worked in a very stressful job.  So, I have to sit out the 2ww at home, which is nice, but I think the time is going to tick by very slowly!  My hub is playing cricket today, so I'm at home alone going crazy!  
Lxx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Lacy,
High levels of progesterone could be a really good sign . I really wish you all the best luck for tomorrow.  Don't worry about lack of symptoms, from what I understand, it's rare to have any symptoms at all at this early stage.  Keep strong.  Keep forcing yourself to think positive thoughts.
Lxx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Lizziebee and welcome Lacy,

I also have some time off work this week but I do some work from home which will keep me busy. Lizziebee - It seems like our embies were at the same stage - nearly basts - our embryologist said that they started to develop into morula's but it was too risky to go for 5 day transfer as we only had 3 embies (one is frozen).

I agree with you that it would be crazy to expect some symptoms at this stage. I am just so worried because I feel exactly the same. I just started another thread asking for people's epicureans of both, BFN and BFP. I just want some positive stories. My good friend also had two IFVs (both successful) and never had any symptoms. 

I had some aches and pains after my ET but it is now settling down. 

As for our other half, they seem to be coping differently. It seems that yours is playing cricket and mine is washing his car  !! How can they relax??

Love

Sasha
xx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,
Men are from another planet!  My hub couldn't understand why I was upset when he agreed to go for drinks with a group of friends on the night of our pregnancy blood test!!!!  He didn't realise when it was    .  

I wish there were some symptoms!  It's so hard waiting and not knowing.  By the way, what does epicureans mean?  Not heard that term before.

This is our 2nd IVF, on our first attempt we had 2 8 cell embryos transferred on day 3, and one blast frozen on day 6.  This cycle we had 2 early blasts, past morula stage, but not fully developed transferred on day 5, none of the other 3 embs made it onto day 6 for freezing.  So, I really hope the ones inside are ok.

Somebody should set up a holiday company for 2week waiters!!!

L xx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi L,

Sorry it was jut a typo. Meant to say experiences of both BFN and BFP. 

Our last cycle was similar to yours. We had two grade 1 8 cells embies transfered on day 3 but we had none to freeze. 

This time our embies are looking better than last time (as I said, the started progressing into morulas), we had two transfered and one 9 cell is frozen. 

You said that you had one bast frozen from your last cycle. Have you used it?

As for the men    

S.

xx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

I'm popping out for a bit to see my sis in law.  Thanks for the chats.  Good luck to us all.
Lxxxxxxx


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## lacy (Oct 19, 2011)

Hi Lizzibee,sashaj

its good to know that am not the only one in the world with a cold blooded husband!  maybe the guys r really lucky they dont go thru what we feel,my hubby tried to be so nice when i broke down in tears yesterday but even with his best efforts,i knew there were millions of other things on his mind other than the test that am holding my life for! lucky they r 
i am also (supposedley) working from home,but technically i spend all my day following the posts on this forum  
Lizzibie,am trying to keep the positve thoughts and ur friends story has really encouraged me ,thanks!


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Specky     if you get a chance read my FET diary, day 4 entry!!!!! It must be the hormones driving us nuts.....I was convinced I had lost them on day 4!!!  I know they say stay positive and its flipping hard but if its meant to stick it will, even with stress and negativity.  Its too early to know anything for sure today.....I am 16 weeks after believing it had not worked       we will be celebrating your news in a week xxxxx


And love to all others on the crazy awful 2ww!!


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Lacy and Sabah, 

I am the same - technically working from home but spend most of the time on this forum or in the kitchen eating. If I don't end up pregnant, I will definitely end up fat as I cannot stop eating. My test day is not for another 12 days so I am still fairly calm. God knows what I will be like when I am in my week 2. 

My hubby is supportive but I don't think he fully understands. 

Sabah m - it looks like you have had BFNs and BFPs. Have you felt any different when you had BFP?? I felt nothing in my first cycle and it was BFN. I am only two days into my 2 WW but so far I don't feel any different. My body is settling down after the ET, which is even worse. It is as if I want to feel ill to convince myself that I might be pregnant!!!

I would be interested in reading your FET diary. How can I access it? 

Praying for all of us 



S.
xxxx


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi girls, so I'm not the only one going stir crazy. I've had a little nap and have given myself a good talking too lol. I hope we all get good news. 

Lacy good luck tomorrow fingers and toes are crossed for you. 

This is my 9th cycle and I can tell you some I've had symptoms, some I haven't there's just no way of knowing until we do that test. I wish our pee would turn blue if we were pg then we could stop obsessing over everything.


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Sabah I will hunt it down now unless you know how to post the link on here?


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Ok I've found it so gonna have a proper read through later, hubby's taking me out to lunch soon then off to mums to play cluedo, their way of taking my mind of things. 

Sabah I had to blasts one hatching and graded at 5bb the other one was graded abb I think. As for the nausea feeling I did have that yesterday and day before, nothing today which is probably a bit to do eith why I'm so down. I also think maybe I'm imagining that feeling lol. 

But you've given me hope again. Def will read your diary later x


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Specky,

have fun playing cluedo. My husband is watching football (not a care in the world  ) and I am wondering around the house doing nothing . 

Lacy - good luck with your test tomorrow. 

I am not testing for another 12 days so you will all know your results and I will be here on my own   

We must keep this thread going or I will go mad .

xxxx


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## Leigh1973 (Mar 5, 2012)

Hi

Specky, I must be similar to you. Had 2 blastocyst's put back 7/05, 4AA & 4AB, my test date is 19/5 but I intend to test on wed or Thursday! Had acute tiredness and slight nausea this morning. 

Leigh xx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,

Oops, sorry, I missed your reply earlier.  I didn't realise you had to click onto the next page, I'm not very clever with this forum/chatting stuff!!  

I don't now what to do about the frozen one, I thought you had to wait to have a few in the bank before going for FET to give the best chances.  Our Consultant suggested an other round of IVF anyway as it wasn't very good quality.  My clinic (self-funded NHS) doesn't seem to give out a lot of info on the quality of the embryos as I have no idea what grade they were.  Maybe this is a deliberate ploy to stop people worrying and comparing, but it would be good to know.  

When at this 2ww stage and after having so many disappointments, it's hard to imagine what it would be like to get a positive result, so hard that it seems impossible.  I can't really imagine being happy!  I agree our hubs get off lightly, it should affect them just as much but they seem to carry on regardless.

Specky - I'm glad you are feeling better.  

Good luck to everyone
         

Lxx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi LizzieBee,

I am not that bothered about the grades that the clinic gives you anyway. I hope they know what they are doing. I have many friends and colleagues who went through IVFs some conceiving with really good grade embryos or blasts and others conceiving with poor grade one embryo. I think this is all in the hands of God after they are put back in. We just have to hope that one cycle will be successful. In my view, it is like trying to conceive naturally - you have to try few times before you succeed (obviously the difference is the expense and all the drugs you need to take).

I have read somewhere that on average, women should try three IVF's to give themself a good chance to conceive as one in three IVFs is successful.

Lets just pray that this is our lucky cycle.


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,
Yes, probably best not to agonise over the details.  It's good to hear that you know people who have conceived with low grade embryos.  Ours were good up to day 3, then slowed down, so it was a shock when we got to the clinic and they said that they hadn't quite made it to fully developed embryos. By the way, I have been having acupuncture during this cycle.  Don't really know how it works, but I've heard a lot of good things about acupuncture so I'm giving it a go. I'm gonna snoogle down with my hub now and try to think happy thoughts.  Keep in touch.
Liz
xx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi LizzieBee,

I have heard about acupuncture but this is only my second cycle so I am fairly new to all this.  How long have you been having it and are you having it throughout these two weeks (how many times per week)?

I have been taking specialised fertility vitamins prescribed by a nutritionist, which has cost me a fortune. I have been taking them for the past three month and they taste disgusting. But I do anything to do pregnant.

How many cycles have you had and how many embies did you have transfered? 

It must have been so stressful at the clinic. Our cycle was initially stressful in that out of 16 eggs only 3 fertilised but then we ended up with 3 really good embies and one is frozen. According to our doctor, our transfer went really smoothly compated to our first one, which was very stressful (Our first cycle was a disaster, we had lots of ups and downs). I felt much calmer through this cycle. My body knew what to expect and I coped surprisingly well. 

My problem is that I am really impatient so these two weeks will be a nightmare for me.

When are you testing LizzieBee??

Lost of love

Sasha

xx


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## Gingernut (Oct 27, 2011)

Hi everyone!! I too have had acupuncture on the run up and throughout my long protocol IVF cycle. For 4 weeks up until retrieval I had it twice a week then 24hrs before and after ET. I don't know if it worked but out of 3 follicles we got 2 eggs and both fertilised with natural IVF. We had  a 6 cell and an 8 cell transferred on day 3. I am now on my clinics very long 2 week wait 18 days, day 11 today and I'm going crazy!!! I'm still having acupuncture once a week. It's costing me a fortune but our health scheme is helping. Only symptom I've been having is AF like cramps since day 2 oh and spots!!! 
                  
                    Good luck everyone 
            
                        Gingernut


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Gingernut,

I am only on my day 3 of my 2WW and going crazy already. I will definitely do acupuncture on my next cycle (I am already planning my next cycle. How sad!!).

How do you feel?? Do you have any symptoms?? When is your ODT. I wish you all the best.    

Lots of love

Sasha
xx


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## traceytbird80 (May 3, 2011)

Hi  Everyone

Just wanted to say about my last cycle had complete meltdown day before I tested throught I had runied everything was crying streaming and shouting got my body so worked up I thought no way could it work embly would never stay in through that and much to our delight got a BFP and now have a beauiful 16 month old son so I now have the thinking that if its going to stick it will and if its not it wont.  Easier said than done though I am on 5 days past transfer and fell like I am going crazy this 2ww realy has got to be the hardest part.  I also feel this time we wont be so lucky as we had a BFP last time think we would be waiting for a miracle.

sabah - congratulations on number 2 remember you from cycling together in 2010 wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy so good to hear good news 

good luck to everyone else xx
tbirdx


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## Gingernut (Oct 27, 2011)

Hi Sasha!!
      Only symptoms so far have been AF pains since day 2 after transfer, bloating, tiredness, spots and no sore boobs. All my previous cycles I've had AF pains very early on and usually only make it to day 12 following ovulation before AF arrives. My clinic has a very long 2ww 18 days and today is day 11!!! OTD is 21st!! 
I'm already planning our next cycle working out drug and treatment costs as our next cycle will be private. We only get one go at IVF free and we didn't get any spare embies to freeze. I think I will have acupuncture again but will have to look at how soon I start it as I've nearly used up my years health scheme support!!! 
I know it is sad we are planning our next cycle already but I think it's my head preparing my heart for a BFN. This is my 7th 2ww having gone through clomid cycles and IUI and it doesn't seem to get easier!!!
  
                  Good luck again and big  

                            Gingernut


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Traceuytbird and Gigernut,

Traceytbird - congratulation on your little baby boy. It must have been such a joy to see a BFP. I agree with what you've said - if it's meant to stick it will and if it's not, it won't. It is all in God's hands. I am on day three after my day three ET so they should be implanting any time now. I pray to God that this is our lucky try!!

Gignernut - I have been the same - AF pains initially but this was from my EC as opposed to ET and lots of bloating. Luckily no spots (I could not deal with that!!!),  littlebit sore boobs from the meds. However, all my af pains are gone as well as the bloating and I feel absolutely fine at the moment!!

Lets hope it is a good sign that I will become pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. My biggest worry is that I felt exactly the same as the last time, I mean physically - no symptoms at all. However, mentally I am in a much better place. I could not even sleep after my first ET as I was so stressed out! This time, I know what to expect and my body seems to be coping better with it. I hope this is a good sign.

Keep in touch girls. This forum keeps me going.

Lots of love and good luck to all of you

Sasha

xxx


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Traceybird congrats on your son!!! OMG the heartache I went through with the 2010 cycle!!!  Symptoms this time were just a sicky feeling from day after transfer that I am still sure was nerves....I have the ability to make myself sick, have diarrhoea as soon as I get nervous, so apart from that zero symptoms!!!!  And as it was a frozen cycle and 2010 was the first failed frozen cycle I had little hope it would work this time round......it was my turn this time, no sense in it, just how it was meant to be!  


Ladies, like sasha I believe my cycles were in God's hands, keep praying!!!


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha, Hi 2 week waiters...

I had 6 cycles of clomid, all BFNs, then one IVF before Christmas, got BFN on 21st Dec, so not the best Crimbo ever!  

On our first IVF we had 5 eggs, all fertilized naturally, had 2 8 cell embs put in on day 3, another embryo made it to blast, which we had frozen.  

This is the first cycle I have been having acupuncture.  I started treatment during the down reg and then had a session before egg collection, and before and after transfer.  I have my last sesh on Thursday of this week, then my preg test is on Friday.  My acupuncturist suggested that if it doesn't work this time then I should try taking Chinese herbs for 3 months leading up to treatment as this will improve egg quality.  The last patient she did this with have 5 good quality blasts, one put back in and 4 frozen.  The one she had put back in split naturally into identical twins!!  So she is now preg with twins and with 4 snow babies in the freezer too!!  Who knows if it was the herbs, but sounds worth a try to me!!  (There I go planning our next cycle too!)

This cycle we had 8 eggs collected, 5 fertilized, 3 made it to early blast, the 2 best ones were transferred on day 5, the other one didn't make it to the freezer.

I really hope those little specs are holding in there and making themselves at home.  I have had no definite symptoms at all, my right boobie is aching a little, I've had some af type pains and tap water tastes horrible to me but I don't know if I'm imagining things or if it's side effects of the Cyclogest.

I have my test on Friday, so I have got through day one of this week.  I went to a cosy pub with a friend and she made me laugh and took my mind off things.  My friend who had IVF twins in Jan is coming over in the morning tomorrow so I'm hoping to get positive vibes from her.

I have just been taking regular mum-to-be vits and folic acid.

I'm in a better place too this time as I have taken a sabbatical and also my hubs Mum and Gran both passed away during our first IVF, so we were all feeling very sad anyway.   But at least now we have some angels looking after us   

When is your test Sasha?

Good luck peeps.  Fingers crossed that we will all get BFPs!  

Sweet Dreams.  

Specky, I hope you are ok.  
Lots of love to everyone  

Liz


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

hi Liz,

so sad to hear about your experience during your first IVF. That is so sad but as you said, you now have angels looking at you from heaven praying for you.   

My first IVF was last year in June. I also had lots of stress during my first IVF - we were moving and I was just generally really stressed from my IVF.

This time it feels different. We are settled in our new home and I hope this is a fresh start for us. We live in a house that needs lots of work but it also needs children. It is that kind of house where you need to have kids. 

My OTD is 25th May but I decided to test on the 26th. I know it sounds mad but 25th is Friday and I have to go to work. I can cope with no news but not bad news. I thought if I leave it till 26th I can test with my husband on Saturday morning. Do you think I am mad??

When is your OTD? 

Sabah - it is so nice that somebody get BFP from FET as people say it doesn't happen that offten. You must be so happy. I wish you all the best .   

Love 

Sasha

xx


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,

We also moved house in May last year to a lovely family home needing a little TLC...and the sound of little feet rung around the place!  

My OTD is on this Friday 18th May.  Would you like me to let you know how I get on?  I can send you a personal message rather than post the result here.  Up to you.  I think the days leading to the test feel like being on a rolercoaster heading upwards towards the top, you dread what's to come but you want to get it over and done with at the same time.  I'm trying to project myself further forward in time and think about this time next year rather than this time next week!

I think you are doing the Right thing by postponing your test to Saturday, you should not be at work to hear such news, good or bad.  Much better to be Th your hub.  I would do exactly the same if I were you.

It sounds like you are in a good place now and settled into your new home, so I hope your mind is telling your body it's time to get preg!

Speak soon,
Liz


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Liz,

I would definitely like to know your results. Please send me a personal message any time  . 

I really, really hope it will be BFP. My home is also a lovely family home. I have a room where I would love to have a nursery but it is just a distant dream at the moment. I am having quite a difficult day today, feeling emotional (not sure why). Even your little comment about 'a lovely family home and the sound of little feet' makes me cry.   

Saying that, I am determined for this to work. I will keep trying until it happens. I am not letting this to beat me. I know I am meant to be a mum. The the most frustrating thing for me is, that generally in life, I usuall get what I want (ie. I am a very driven and determined person at work). However, this IVF journey has taken me by suprise. There is nothing I can do. I feel so helpless and my personality is making this process worse. I have no fertility issues. It is my husband (he had a failed vasectomy reversal) but I love him so much and this is why we are going through this heartache . He is the first man I can see as the father of my child (I have never been maternal in my life!!!). Strange things happen in life....... 

I wish you all the best on your test day. I really want you to get BFP and even if you don't, please let me know. Don't be on your own . 

Lots of love

Sasha


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha,

Thanks for you message and kind words.  It's so nice to have someone to talk to and share this difficult time with.  

I hope can tell you something that may cheer you up...  My friend who visited me today was in exactly your position.  Her husband had a vasectomy reversal and she had no fertility issues.  She, like all of us, found the struggle to get pregnant and the stresses of the IVF process really difficult to deal with.  But, last year on her second attempt she had 2 embryos put back in at 8 cell stage and it worked and she now has gorgeous twin boys!  When she got the BFP she could hardly believe it.  She had got what she thought was her period the day before and wasn't even going to go for the test.  Turns out it was implantation bleeding (not everyone gets it).  So, a story with a happy ending. 

It sounds to me that you have a very good chance of success.  Your positive attitude and energy and determination will all count in your favour I am sure.  I'm sure you are doing everything you can and it's in the hands of the gods now whether those little beans will stick.  If not this time, then the next, you will have your happy ending too.  And you have a husband who you love very much and who loves you, so everything will be alright.

I have had good days and bad throughout the time since embryo transfer.  On Sunday I had convinced myself that it had defiantly failed.  Today I'm feeling super positive for some reason.  I'll probably be balling my eyes out again tomorrow - who knows!  My advice is to plan some gentle feel-good activities to get through.  

Because I'm not very good at this forum thingy I haven't worked out how to add my stats to the bottom of my messages.  so, by the way, I'm 33, my DH s 37, we have been TTC since we got married 2 1/2 yrs ago.  I never got my period back since coming off the pill, I never had regular periods since puberty.  My husband has low motility sperm.  So, there are factors on both sides.  Like you I'm a driven and successful person used to being in control of the path my life takes.  Dealing with fertility issues is by far the hardest thing I've had to face in my life, the feelings are so complicated.  

Anyway, positive vibes to you!    

Sweet dreams,
Liz
xxx


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## janie73 (Jul 28, 2011)

Hi LizzieBee (hi SashaJ - we've already 'met'!)
I just had to pop on and say a very quick hello (I'm back at work today - in body anyway!). Your 'story' has so many parallels to mine it's frightening. We even had the same OTD last time. This time it looks as though our paths have been very similar indeed and we also went from having excellent embryos on Day 3 to 2 early blasts (mine poor quality unfortunately) on Day 5. I got my knickers in a right twist about it. I even found a fantastic website where you can post questions about embryology and get a response within the hour. I asked her about early blasts and she was adamant that out little guys can easily catch up once they're on board. 
Anyway, just wanted to say hello and wish you all the best of luck. I think I read that you test tomorrow but I could have got that wrong. Hope you're not going insane. Right, I'm going to try away from FF for rest of day.
xx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Liz and Janie,

Liz - your message is so encouraging, it made me cry ( happy tears )  I was happy to hear the story about your friend. That is so encouraging. I am having a really bad day today. I woke up this morning thinking it hasn't worked. I have been really positive until now, so I am not sure why I am feeling  like this. I keep comparing it to my first cycle. I feel absolutely fine, no symptoms, not a twinge, nothing. I don't want to give up on  my little embies!! I have their picture on the fridge, and everytime I look at them they look so perfect (really cozy and tucked in).  This will sound really stupid but I sometimes feel really guilty when I feel negative. I keep thinking that those little fighters have no hope if I give up on them.

I just keep visualising my last BFN and how I had to go to work afterwards. It was horrible. I never want to experience this again. My back up plan this time (if it's BFN) is to get on with it straight away (although I am not sure where I get my money from). We had a long gap between our first and second IVF as it took us long time to recover. This time, we are both more resilient. We have one frozen embie so I will have that back in my next cycle and then we do another fresh IVF. As I said, I am not stopping until it happens. 

Janie - Could you please let me know that embryo website? That sounds interesting. 

So, another day ahead of us (I feel better now after writting this). 

This is 5dpt. I will be going for a walk today to get them embies some fresh air.

Keep in touch girls.

Love

Sasha

 

xx


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## janie73 (Jul 28, 2011)

SashaJ - not sure if I'm supposed to post weblinks but I guess someone will tell me if not. This is the site. You'll see my question right at the bottom.

http://fertilitylabinsider.com/2010/11/embryo-stages-progression/

Yes - go and take those little embies for a walk in the sunshine. It will do all three of you the world of good! xx

/links


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Thanks for the website Janie.

Can I just ask you  something as we are exactly in the same stage of our cycle (both similar age and one failed IVF) - what are you doing anything this week? I know I said I am going out for a  walk but the fact is that I have done nothing since my ET. Are you out and and about? Are you driving etc.?? I wanted to stay at home all week and I am back at work next week but I can't stand it anymore.


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## janie73 (Jul 28, 2011)

I'm back at work. As you can see I'm still on this site half the time but nominally I'm back at work!! I've done loads of dog walks and stuff this week though. My clinic were emphatic that you should carry on as normal. They said if you normally go running then go running. The only thing they warned me against was over-heating (and they were talking about extreme over-heating so don't be panicking if you're just nice and snug under a duvet!). I really believe this to be the case so I'm not worrying too much about anything I do. Obviously I'm worried sick but not particularly about anything I'm doing. My feeling is that it's down to the wee guys inside us. If they are going to make it they will.  I would say just do what you feel like doing. Am finding it almost impossible to concentrate at work but my job is office-based and although I deal with customers, it's not all the time. I'm pretty well in control of own work schedule and have deliberately kept it light. I fully expect to 'crash' if I get a BFN next week so trying to save my sick leave until then. I can't imagine how you went into work straight after getting your BFN - I would have been in pieces. I hope you decide to get some fresh air because it's a beautiful day here in Scotland - hope it's nice where you are. xxx


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## Sashaj (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi Janie, that is reassuring. I took a week off because I have a very stressful job and I just needed a break. I haven't had an annual leave since Christmas and I really wanted to be away from work. I took it easy first three days but I am going back to normal today (ie. shopping, going out, etc.). My clinic also said to get on with things as normal. They didn't say anything about overheating but it's funny you said that - something insight is telling me not to put my lap top on  my lap/(I keep using a pillow). 

You are also in your second cycle so you know what to expect. Have you every had BFP in your life?? I don't even know what it looks like. We have been TTC for many years so many BFN'.s I have no fertility issues but part of me wonders whether there is something wrong with me!! But the doctors say is my partner so I have to trust them!!

I think this IVF business is a lottery - it's waiting when it's our lucky time. They say you should have at least IV to give yourself a fair chance, which indicates to me that one in three people get pregnant.

Fingers crossed that 2 is our lucky number. 

Keep in touch - don't do any work


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## janie73 (Jul 28, 2011)

Nope, never had a BFP. Can't begin to imagine what that would feel like.  

 this is our time!!


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## LizzieBee (Nov 17, 2011)

Hi Sasha, Hi Janie,

Sasha, I'm glad the story about my friend encouraged you.  I felt a lot more positive after seeing her. 

I have never had a BFP and can't imagine what that would be like either, but the fact is that most couples with fertility issues would say the same thing and yet, in the end the BFP arrives!

Have you guys tried listening to a hypnosis CD.  I've got one called Fertility Companion that was reccommended to me.  She tells you to put all past experiences behind and look forward.  A lot of what she says on the CD is about welcoming the little ones and thinking positively - Sasha, you might like it, it's very relaxing and I think it has been helping me.  I was always really negative throughout my first year of ttc, and throughout the testing and investigations, the months and months of clomid and the first cycle of IVF.  I kept telling myself I would never have children, I was quite punishing towards myself.  But now, I have accepted things and have moved onto a more positive place, which really helps.

Regarding the relaxing thing, I have taken 6 months off work to allow for 2 cycles of IVF.  This has had a big financial impact as my DH and I earn the same and we just bought the new house!  But, my job was stressing me out and I couldn't do a good job whilst going through all this, so I decided to take a sabbatical.  In fact, the time off has been great and given me space to think about the future.  I'm a designer and I'm thinking of using the opportunity of some time off to set up as freelance, so I may not go back to the company I was working for anyway.  Also, having the time out has made me realise how much of my energy was poured into my work and the daily commute.

The first few days after ET I did pretty much nothing apart from watch TV and movies.  My kittens kept me company.  Kira is the most cuddly, she sleeps on my tummy when I watch TV, so I think of her as a 'Womb Cosy' keeping the embies warm! lol!  Then this week, I have been going for gentle walks when the sun comes out, visiting friends and keeping myself busy in a gentle way.  I don't know if this is the best approach, but I feel happy, so that's good!

Janie, thanks for the link, I will check it out.

My test day is Friday - eek!!
One more day to get through.....

Big hugs  

Liz
xxx


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## janie73 (Jul 28, 2011)

Hi Liz, Sasha
How are you girls holding up? We've made it halfway! Hope you're both having a nice weekend. I'm having a lazy Saturday and actually thinking about doing some work as I'm dreading next week as I know my head will be all over the place so thinking it would be good to get ahead of the game. Otherwise I'm just storing up more problems. Man, this IVF stuff impacts in just so many ways.   that we all get the news we want next week.
Janie xx


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## Tablet (Feb 14, 2012)

Hello Ladies, Sorry to hear you are stressing, I remember it very well!  If any consolation....

Day of 2 day transfer e/c on Tuesday, TF Thursday - Went out in the morning, walked dog, went to garden centre, bought plants, etc, etc.  Knackered, oops, eat lunch, go to ET like a zombie.  Post transfer and then acupuncture walk about a mile across town to meet DH, arrived so cross and sore I was in tears... he was supposed to come back for me but didn't enter his brain that I might be feeling fragile, in the sodding bike shop.... consolation cake, crisps, chocolate offerings were comical but not much good...

Day 4 took dog for a walk on bike down bumpy bridleway - he follows the bike, it was less energy than walking and the consultant did say would be fine......ouch.

Day 6 return to work, boss on holiday, me holding fort, in my absence NONE of the stuff that I had had to leave as needing finished and urgent had been done, usual cluster.......grrrr, grrrr, and grrrr again, grrrr.

Day 10 + exit southern England for Northern Scotland, apart from multiple loo stops including one before we even got to the M40....... no symptoms as yet.. Give up, only just manage to resist temptation to drink wine on arrival.  Bored of the whole thing, spend following few days clearing out bits of the house still occupied by my stuff, hiding in the hut in the garden watching birds and drinking tea, marching the dogs round their walks and glowering at my extended family when they ask if I'm OK.  Make multiple cakes for someone and decorate, get tired and glower a bit more at concerned questions.......

Day before test, have totally decided that AF inbound, mild, twingey pains becoming really blasted irritating now after two days and sore boobs (note, these were not just generally sore as usual, looking back, sides and nipples sore if pressed but not really if jiggled as per AF type pain....)  Go out for dinner and have steak which is barely beyond the help of a good vet. And then remember that there is a smidgin of hope and spend much time cursing my stupidity....

Day of test wake at 4.30am and POAS.  BFP.  Sit in silent house gazing at this miracle until cold drives me back to bed......

So, it can all seem to go horribly stressily wrong and still work out.  Certainly being in tears after ET because of stupid communication error and long walk and grinding my teeth for a week at boss's lack of activity in my absence were NOT in my game plan.  Fingers crossed for all of you!  Anyway, I think as long as you don't run any marathons, sit next to the petrol pumps breathing deeply or swim in heavily chlorinated pools (I was told that the sea was fine, if I could stand the cold...it was March) then you are doing all you can... Good luck ladies xx


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