# Can't stop crying



## pookiepoo (Feb 25, 2014)

Hi,

I wasn't really sure where to post this as didn't want to bring down ladies in cycle with me. 

After my miscarriage in June, my second pregnancy loss, I've prepared for this cycle with lots of immune testing and treatment. I'm currently in middle of medicated FET and I can't stop crying. I am so emotional, sad and depressed. I have lots of arguments with DH, have a negative feeling about the whole fertility thing and can't see myself succeeding. Same time, I lost my beloved grandmother a few weeks ago. 
Also, a few of my friends are giving birth very soon, close to when my due date would have been. 

All feel stacked up and I just shake this negative feeling off.
Now scared my low mood will cause BFN or another miscarriage.

I don't know what to do. Feel like the unluckiest person around.

Pany


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## k161 (Dec 6, 2011)

Oh Pany sending you massive hugs (((hugs))). It's such a natural way to be feeling when you've been through so much. Don't be so hard on yourself. Try to make time each day for something that makes (or used to make) you smile. X


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

I truly do not believe that mood or attitude have any bearing whatsoever on the outcome of fertility treatment, as along as you're not engaging in destructive behaviours (e.g., drinking alcohol) as a result. 

With everything you've undergone, it's perfectly natural that you're feeling depressed and irritable. I'd be astonished if you weren't! You're allowed to feel bad after going through lots of terrible, crappy, distressing stuff.  

I hope your DH understands what you're going through and is patient and kind with you. Can you speak to a counselor or a friend who really understands how painful this has all been for you? You shouldn't have to carry this burden alone.


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## pookiepoo (Feb 25, 2014)

Thank you. It's so hard and I know the only ones who really understand me are you, rather than those close to me. Because no one understands this pain unless felt it themselves,


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## Guest (Nov 21, 2014)

Ah sending you a hug Pani   I just saw your post. I think Crazy Horse is right about it being understandable, you're doing really well under the circumstances   I was convinced my ivf hadn't worked earlier in the year but it did surprise me with a positive result. And maybe a film like gailgegirl said or something enjoyable would cheer you both up? Or lots of extra rest? I ordered the 2nd Hobbit film and it arrived today, so going to watch it this weekend   Don't forget hormones are responsible for a lot and can really affect mood, you will feel better another time and all things change. Thinking of you xxx


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## pookiepoo (Feb 25, 2014)

Thanks Merlin. I came home early from work and watched two comedies on demand. Still puffy eyes and cry without even thinking. DH brought home roses for me.
Ive become weak and cannot make this journey much more. You really need to be hard and strong to carry on.


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## apples2014 (Aug 15, 2014)

Pany xxx

It's not at all suprising you are having this emotional surge honey. You guys have had the most massive build up waiting and waiting and checking and re checking everything to prepare for this FET. It's little wonder you so overwhelmed and worried now. You guys have been through so much and this ivf business is so hard. 

I agree too,  there isn't a correlation between thinking negative thoughts and bad outcomes. But it's the negative thoughts and all the angst we have from this that can lead to stress and being overwhelmed and whilst we can't do anything about how we feel it's the angst and stress that is bad for us. 

Loosing your grandmother and not being able to travel to the funeral is also massively difficult too. 

Pany I want to say that we just have to try and keep faith, you don't have to be brave and strong all the time. It's healthy to let your emotions out. 

DH and roses is really wonderful. Im not sure if you've ever had reflexology or accpunture but I've found they are so relaxing. Anything that you may find relaxing would be so good this weekend. 

Sending you a massive, understanding virtual hug. 

Love Apples xx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Ah honey, you are not weak at all!  

My mum said the other day that she is so proud of us because she sees us dust ourselves down and carry on all the time: although she also sees the days where I can't stop crying, 6 hours is my recent record!  I never really thought we were brave because we see it on here all the time, women and men constantly fighting, but you know in the context of the rest of the world we are all pretty amazing I reckon  

I agree with Crazyhorse, all this "attitude affecting the outcome" is a load of rubbish. I know some people love all that and think its wonderful, and thats great if it helps them cope, but it's just not my way really and I 100% don't think any emotion we have affects the result.

I also second the date/film night idea - we do that to help cope when everything is rubbish. In fact on the day we were told about our mmc we went out on a date (Frankie and bennys and the pictures) and although I think we were in shock it probably helped us get through it.

There is no wrong or right way to cope with this journey of rubbishness sometimes, other than to take comfort that it isn't always rubbish and life can still have it's moments of loveliness even when it doesn't feel very lovely  

So sorry about your grandma too - with that and the hormones it's not surprising you feel so sad  

Xxx


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

Oh, Pany, dear heart, crying and feeling like you can't cope for awhile doesn't make you weak. What makes people strong is carrying on being good and kind people even when they are sad and tired, and picking themselves up and pursuing their purpose in life -- whatever that may be -- when the sadness lifts a bit. I'm confident you will do all of those things. Thinking of you.... xx


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## pookiepoo (Feb 25, 2014)

Thank you for your wise words. I haven't cried yet today. Still not trying to think the what ifs...

X


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