# Big decision to make...interested in your views!



## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Ok Girls....I know this is probably a little crazy but as you know I after my last BFN I have a big decision to make about next steps and I've really benefited from your views and opinions over the last 2 years so I thought....why not do a poll?!?!? You never know....it might just help me make this next step!

So, here's the background and the question....

After 8 failed TTC attempts (5 OEIVFs, 2 OEFETs, I IUI) over the last 18 months it is time to do something different. Age is very definately an issue now (I was recently told that only 1 in 10 embyros will be chromosomably normal at my age) so if I do another OEIVF then it really has to be one last shot and I should definately do genetic testing to manage the high risk. My immune situation is an issue whether its my own or donor eggs so I'll have to chuck intrallipids into the equation whatever I do. Or do I give up now on my own eggs (even though I've not done a chuck everything at it cycle) and move on the donor eggs now. And if it is donor eggs it looks like I might have two options....donor through a clinic or a known donor of a friend (34) who has just made a serious offer of her own eggs (that made me cry!).

So if you were in my shoes which of the following would you go for?

Option 1 - OEIVF in Vegas  
Individualised protocol with DrSher, an expert in immune issues....most advanced level of CGH testing and most experience in doing this....quoting 60-70% success for chromosome normal embyros....most costly option at £12-15k.

Option 2 - OEIVF in UK 
A cycle at the Lister or Care....best UK clinics for immunies....less advanced CGH testing (and less experience in this new technique)....not sure on success rate....cost c£8-9k?

Option 3 - DEIVF in Czech Rep
Move on from own eggs...do donor eggs in Czech rep (know it is anonymous but don't want to go on long waiting list in UK)....have a vial of ID release donor sperm still at the Czech clinic.....cost c £4k?

Option 4 - Known egg donor in UK
New option of a friend (who doesnt want kids of her own) who has offered her eggs...she is 34...looks like me (people often think we are sisters!) ...right now I don't know how we would go about this and what the cost would be.

Option 5 - Adoption
I haven't really looked into this too much yet and do feel disillusioned that it will apparently be difficult if not impossible to adopt a baby as a single woman of my age....and it could take years. At the same time, I am attracted to adopting from overseas and like the idea of helping a child have a better life than they might otherwise.

I know that if money was no object then I would give option 1 a go.....but I have spent a fortune already and although I have good earning potential I would be going further into debt to do the higher cost options. Do I take the financial gamble and just accept you can't put a price on achieving this dream?

I would really appreciate your views...please vote in the poll and if you've time it would be good to hear the rational behind your thinking.....

ta v much

..Winky


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Winky,

Not sure I'll be much help on which is your best option, but what I can say is that I looked into adopting abroad and found that it takes an average of 4 years and c£20K which I was quite   at.
You would definitely be considered for adoption in the UK regardless of your single status, but not likely to get a baby and most children come with issues (I realise that may not be a problem for you).  My friends are just going through the adoption process.

Sorry I can't be more help and good luck with your decision making process   
GIA Too xx


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

Hi Winky

I voted option 1. If you can afford it then it will give you the best chance at success. Maybe consider their 3 cycle plan as it's less than the cost of 2 cycles I think - around £20k for 3 cycles and I think they also offer money back if no pregnancy after all attempts and all frosties have been used up.

If option 1 isn't really an option due to financials, then option 2 would have my vote. 

Good luck making the decision  

Claire xx


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Thanks GIA too and Claire....you're up late ! 

Claire....unfortunately the three option deal is not available to me....there's all sorts of caveats like not having had more than a certain number of failed IVFs, age and immune issues...... oh hum.....

..Winky


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## midnightaction (May 20, 2003)

*winky*

Money being no object then I would go for option 1 (As I have already told you). Dr Sher is the best man for the job if you ask me and would give you the best chance of success with your own eggs. I was a bit gutted that I wouldn't be allowed to use the 2/3 cycle package plan at SIRM, as I might just have been able to have afforded it under those circumstances, but the number of IVF's I have had precludes me also 

Like I said to you before this is all based on money being no object and in the real world that is not how things actually are, well unless any of us win the lottery 

I think the big question for you (and one that only you can decide) is are you ready to move to DE, it's that, that will ultimately decide what course of action you take.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that the most important thing to me is to have a baby of my own, and despite what everyones advice has been to the contray (because of my age) I don't care one bit whether that baby has a genetic link to me or not because even without that genetic link that baby will still be mine and I am more than happy to start persuing DE

I won't get into the in's and outs of DE here as there are plenty of other threads here all about it, and I find it is quite a contentious issue with many different people seeing it from different angles. A lot think I am mad to be considering DE at 29, but I feel that it is right for me and what would make me happy, and ultimately thats all that is important.

Given the choice myself between anonymous DE @Reprofit and DE from a friend, I would choose the anonymous root. Thats just me, but I am not a very trusting person and I don't have many close friends so don't really know what it is like to share a close enough bond with someone to be able to consider that route. I feel I would always be very wary of using the eggs of someone I know, and if it might cause potential problems for me and the child in the future. Again thats just me and my trust issues, I am sure your situation is completely different.

I guess as per usual I am not much help, I think I am just saying that this decision won't be an easy one because it is not just about a choice of clinic it is something much bigger than that , and one that doesn't come easy and takes time.

I hope you make the right decision for you, and it results in that all important BFP/child for you to love 

Sarah xx (Who is living up to her name again by posting at 1.30am )


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## guccimama (Sep 11, 2008)

Hello Winky..
I voted for Reprofit...I gave up on my own eggs in July and you know I had a successful result, obviously that was not to be but it was more than just getting pregnant or not. It was more about trying as much as possible to avoid a special needs child. Now I know that may cause a stir but already have done my share with DD and would not choose it again. 
One of the dabates for us was about how many goes we could have which is obviously an issue around finances. We opted for double doner even though my dh has supersperm. the baby will be ours no matter whose egg and sperm it is and embryo donation is sooo much cheaper and easier on my body. 
It is everybodies choice, and with the added immune issues you are never going to get a cheaper option. I just wanted to say that I really do wish you all the very best in your decision. If it was not for you we would not be in our tww with 3 blasts on board..I followed winkys guide to brno in July as was travellin alone and dont even go to london alone in Uk! Your advice was invaluable then and in oct and this weekend. You really do deserve a successful cycle..anyone as determined and deveoted as you will make a wonderfull mummy... 
Best wishes in your decision. 
gucci


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

Winky - yes sadly I am always up late! I am fairly sure they do another version of the 3 cycle plan with no money back if you don't get pregnant, it's still cheaper than separate cycles. Might be worth delving in to? The lady I mentioned had already had multiple tries, at least as many as you or I and she had immune issues. She was also a poor responder and in her mid-40's.

I also meant to say that the reason I didn't vote for DE is that bearing in mind you have immune issues, I think that is always the foremost problem so I felt that another shot with your OE + full immunes at a clinic that knows how to handle it all properly is definitely worth a go. 

I think it is tempting to think that DE is the answer to everything when you 'see' so many women getting pregnant on their first attempt with DE, but for many of them it seems to be coincidence because it's their 4,5,6 or whatever transfer which are statistically the better chances at getting lucky anyway, or they have no eggs etc and don't have any extra infertility issues which would prevent implantation. I remember when the Reprofit board first started for example, and there were plenty of women getting BFN's whereas now the mix of people posting has changed and many more of them don't have the same complex issues so the apparent success rates just look higher. There are also many people posting on here at the moment who are getting lucky in their first or second attempts which I know many people find hard. It's all very skewed at the moment and it's only when I look back to when I first joined (2002/3 I think) that I can see in the end it all balances out.

I agree with Sarah completely though about using a friend as a donor donor for DE. I also wouldn't go that route as I personally think it could be awkward. I still freak out sometimes about the idea of 4  x 18 year olds turning up on my doorstep in however many years (14 years for the first child   )

And now I've rambled enough and used 'and' at the start of a sentence so I'm off!


Claire xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Winky I voted for DE at Reprofit as I feel that you have been through so much pain and torture, but only you would be able to make the decision if you are able to move onto DE.  If I had a good thick lining I definitely would go down the South Africian route (pm Rose) for more details, as you can select your donor and no wait as Reprofit has a wait I understand for DE and then have a expert manage you immunes as well. 

I also think the friend issue is a bit awkward if they have not had a child themselves, what you could ask her to do is donate to a clinic pool and then you go to the top of the list for a match with an anon donor. She is also unproved you don't know what her fertility is like, she'd need to be screened etc.

It is so hard and you have been through so much i hope that you get your dream soon- as I tell myself the best things are worth waiting for!!

L x


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

I voted for option 1 but can see the pull towards DE at reprofit - saying that their waiting list is just as long as the waiting list at GCRM!! Something to bear in mind.....
As for using friends eggies - lovely thought - have also had many offers - but would rather it was from someone I did not know.  Not necessary anon - just someone I don't have a friendship with...
I really feel that in the right hands and under the right care you will achieve your dreams honey x x


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## jackie_d (Jan 25, 2009)

Hi Winky,
Hope you don't mind me voting and replying even though we haven't "spoken" before.
Taking into account what you've said and what my own (admittedly, and very luckily limited - touch wood) IVF experience has been - I would say - take both options 3 and 4:
- Put your name down for DEIVF and/or frozen embryo donation in Czech Republic - as you know, long waiting list at Reprofit, but there's no financial commitment until a couple of months before - so nothing to lose in a way.
- In the meantime consider taking up your friend's offer.  I can understand that it could be "awkward" with lots of things to consider now and in the future - not least that in mid 30's some women might still feel they don't want children as they still feel young and carefree, and that they still have loads of time to think about all that grown up sort of stuff, but that feeling may not kick in until later, so you couldn't be totally sure she'd be be so clear-cut about it later on, e.g. if you were successful with her eggs and then maybe she wasn't.  Even so, I suppose you can talk to her about all the if's and but's so that you can anticipate most situations that might arise. An good thing could be that you'd have a closer link to the donor than if anonymous - maybe that would be an advantage for you as you're doing this solo.

When me and DP first went for consultations, (I was 45) I just remember a graph that the doc at Guy's drew for us - a line going down showing decreasing fertility and a line going up showing increasing likelihood of chromosomal abnormalities - that convinced me not to try any longer with my own eggs (you may call me a coward!!). 

Anyway, best of luck with your decision(s) - all the things people have written on here are interesting and I agree with a lot of them so won't repeat what's already been said. 

    

Jackie x


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Winky I voted for SIRM, mainly because from reading all your posts it sounds like you aren't ready to try DE, and if you are going OE they sound like the best bet. Only you can really know if you are ready to move to DE without regretting not trying one more time and if you are then I think option 3. Using your friend could be really amazing but there is a risk that it could be really difficult too, but I am with Sarah on the trust issues.



Bingbong x


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## estella (Nov 1, 2009)

Winky 

I would vote for no 1 if you can afford it as your last chance but put your name down for reprofit as mentioned for DE, the SAfrican route sounds very promising. The adoption route is a possibility but I think I'd try the other possibilities first as it is a long road.

I think having a friend donating eggs could turn out to be messy esp as she doesn't plan on having her own, I could see a fallout in the future etc etc. Personally, although she is an absolute ANGEL for offering, I would go for the other options first....

Just my thoughts, good luck hon,

E xxx


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi Winky

I really do not envy your decision. Good luck and I am sure you will make the right choice.

Well - I voted for option 3 DE in the Czech Republic. I am not sure why I voted for Reprofit since my gut reaction is saying go for DE with your known donor friend. I think your friend has made you a generous offer but my only concern is that she could change her mind about having children in the future and if there are any problems then your friendship could get messy. I would have definitely said go with your mate if she already had completed a family of her own.

I do not think you should rule your known donor out just yet. It might be worth asking her to go to your clinic and start to get tested. I think she will need to go through a number of tests to see if she will be a viable candidate and also she would have to go through counselling to make sure she is happy with her decision. This would all take time but at least you will be able to know if this option is worth pursing. I think having a known donor could potentially be a wonderful thing. You will be able to answer all those unknown questions which your little one might raise in the future and I am sure your friend will always be a very special person in your LO's life. Just be sure your relationship with your friend is solid before you embark down this route. You might consider posting on the Donor Eggs/Sperm board about advantages/disadvantages of using a known donor. There are several on that board who have used a known egg donor and are happy with their choice.

As someone else said the wait list at Reprofit is very long so it might be worth putting your name on the list anyway since you have nothing to lose.

SIRM - I know you have put a lot of thought into this option. I get the feeling that you are not quite ready to give up on your own eggs yet and if you did without going to SIRM then you would always have that nagging voice at the back of your mind saying what if Dr Sher was right. I personally think the SIRM option is a huge expensive gamble but if it will give you peace of mind then maybe you should go for it. Please don't shoot me for saying this but I think your age is a big factor in the reason that you haven't been successful so far. You produce a good number of eggs and they always look perfect so it is probably age coupled with your immune issues which have been the issue. Only you can make the decision as to whether it is worth the gamble. I used to post on the IVF connections board http://www.ivfconnections.net/board/index.php? You might find it useful since it is a US based site and so you will find a lot of women on there who have had contact with SIRM and you might get some more insight there.

Good luck

Sima x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi Winky,

Money no object, then option 1.  If you were to do this and then there be no embryo to transfer would you still have to pay as much? 60-70% is good odds but this relies on getting chromosome normal embyros and what if that cycle wasn't the lucky one. Feels like their would be a lot of pressure and financially would this then mean you were unable to pursue anything else?

If you are ready to move to donor egg then I'd go for donor egg or embryo adoption and as Rose suggests maybe look At South Africa as the immune issues sound like these would be the most important thing to consider. And you could probably do 3 cycles for the same as SIRM trip.

With intercountry adoption it is expensive and takes a long time. China is no longer an option for single women starting out - i'm in the system so in theory OK - but who really knows. Russia is currently fairly fast, around a year once you have been approved, but approval can take about a year, and it will be around £20K in total including visits to Russia...so you'd be looking at least 2 years if starting now before coming home with child - their has been suggestion that many of the children from Russia have suffered fetal alcohol syndrome so medical reports need to be very thorough. You could start investigating this whilst taking another route, although you wouldn't be able to start the adoption process if still pursuing fertility treatment.  You could look at the Coram Foundation concurrency programme, may or may not be for you.  I think Ethiopia is also possible for single women, but most places are pretty closed off at the moment.  PM me if you want more information.
Domestic adoption is not impossible to adopt younger children but I was told at my annual review a couple of weeks ago that single people are bottom of the pecking order, despite as my social worker pointed out, single women being the most appropriate placement for some children depending on their history.  Of course these children will often (not always) be damaged (don't like that word) by the care system and there will likely be some contact with birth family, maybe siblings, which is not for everyone. You could consider adopting a sibling group too. Anyway, rambling now....I'm sure you've thought about this.

Hope you can find a way forward.
You will be ace.

xxx


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## cocochanel1 (Oct 15, 2009)

Winky, tough decision. Personally I think that the decision depends entirely on how attached you are to your own genetics. 
If you just want a healthy baby sooner rather than later I'd go for Donor Eggs and immune treatment somewhere eg. Lister or Reprofit. Probably Reprofit (cheaper = several goes). 
If you are attached to your own genetics I'd go to SIRM if you can afford it although there is still no guarantees that at 43 it will work first time.... it could take 2 or 3 goes and that gets expensive in Vegas. Dr Sher is good but he isn't a miracle worker and at our age it can take time.

I think you have already been through the mill and that you do have difficult immunes so personally ruling out egg quality as an issue I think gives you a much better chance. Look at CEM - how happy is she - delirious. 
If I didn't already have LO I think I'd jump immediately to donor eggs as quite frankly am really fed up with the low stats even at 39. I am already thinking donor eggs if my next cycle doesn't work as am fed up with the rollercoaster and the expense...........and I know I love LO not because he looks like me but because I do........it is intangible why you love your child and it is nothing to do with how they look........ in some ways he is similar and in some ways he is very very different but I adore him..................

Love Coco xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Oh Winky, it's such a tough decision to make 

Just looking at cold hard facts, I'd have to say don't throw money and time at SIRM - whilst 60-70% success rates are good, that's still 30-40% who don't succeed, and you have to get good enough embryos in the first place. Bear in mind though, that I am biased on this having had the PGD cycle at Reprofit and not having anything to transfer. I would not wish the pain and shock of that on anyone. That said, for me it was undoubtedly a necessary part of the process of moving on to DE (but at least the cost at Reprofit was significantly less than SIRM)
BUT, facts and statistics aside (since this journey is largely about emotions not facts) - I think you need to decide whether you would always regret not having that last go at SIRM. If you feel that you would, and you can afford it, then go the SIRM option - but put yourself on Reprofit's waiting list as well as a back up (or check out Gyncentrum Ostrava who have no waiting list)

As someone who has not been first time lucky with DE, I can see why you would want to try again with OE - DE is no immediate guarantee of success either....although it does push the stats up....only you know whether you are ready to make the move to DE though. Like Midnight and some of the other girls here, I have reached the point after 2 years of trying, where I just want a healthy baby, and if that baby is not from my egg, so be it, it will still very definitely be my son or daughter. It has, as you know, taken me time and counselling to get to this point, so don't rush the decision if it doesn't feel right for you

re your friend vs clinic egg donor, now that's a really tricky one. I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand, but I would tread carefully. She hasn't had children yet and says she doesn't want them, but she's 'only' 34 and things can change quite quickly. Is she in a relationship? If so, how does/would her partner feel about it I wonder? It's an amazingly generous gesture and I think perhaps the two of you should explore it further with a counsellor before making a decision. 

Adoption - well, I was told the same thing about single women being very much bottom of the heap when it comes to adopting younger children in the UK, unless they have special needs in some way. If you are prepared to take (and accepted) sibling groups then you move up the list quite quickly though as these are hard to place. Also heard (from friends of mine who adopted from Korea) that Russia is very risky - they wanted to adopt from there as she studied Russian and has some affinity with the country, but were advised against by their (US) adoption agency as so many children from Russia turn out to have medical issues which were not transparent at the time of adoption

So, I think I'm sitting on the fence a bit I'm afraid. Hard to tell someone else what to do without relating it to one's own circumstances. If it were me, I'd go the Reprofit option. But it's not me, it's you, and you have to do what feels right for you
Wishing you best of luck in making such a tough decision....talk soon
Suitcase
x


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## Chicky Licky (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi Winky

Really tough decision to make hun. I would vote for option 3 or 4 though as feel that would give you the better chance. At the end of the day though, it's a hard decision to move to donor eggs and only you can decide on that. 

Sending you lots of love and big   - I'm sure whatever decision you make it will be the right one hun! 

Love 
Shellie
xx


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## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi, Just a quick thought from me. The friend offering her eggs - Am I right in thinking that for some clinics they don't always use your friend's eggs for you but it puts you at the top of their waiting list to receive someone else's eggs. It ends any other messiness and complications and also enables them to match you with the best eggs to suit you. 
Love to all 
Sam x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Yes this is what can happen aas some clinics she gives eggs to the clinic on your behalf (like an egg sharer would) and you get to the top of the list for the next available match as she will have helped someone else on your behalf
L x


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## larkles (Jun 29, 2005)

Hi Winky

I chose DEIVF in Reprofit-3 for the price of one as I see it at £4k a pop  , stuff the waiting list I was told it would be 6-9 months, I got matched within one month

It's totally your decision afterall but wanted to add some feedback

Best of luck hun   

Larkles
xxx


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Winky,   



> So if you were in my shoes which of the following would you go for?


You mentioned the financial stretch of going to SIRM, and that's before you find out whether you actually produce "normal" eggs and thus have any embryos to transfer. If you didn't get to transfer, or even if you did but proved to be in the 30% that do not fall pregnant first go, you may well have run out of financial ammunition for another go anywhere else until such time as you cover the costs of this cycle. For me, this would be too high risk, and would prioritise genetic links over both the cost of tx and the likelihood of success. The bitterness of going into considerable debt that might take many months to clear and not being successful would eat at me I think.

I suspect the Lister might prove to be more expensive than the numbers you are quoting, although others have much better knowledge about this than me. At least the logistics would be easier, though I would be looking very hard at the statistics for someone of your age doing OEIVF.

Donor eggs are not a panacea for all infertility ills. I fell pregnant on my second cycle of DEIVF, and many others have had more cycles than this and are still waiting for their elusive BFP. Nonetheless, so long as all other things are equal (and by this I mean that you could address some of the concerns raised by Dr Sher in your consultation other than mature eggs) there is a much greater chance of falling pregnant due to the age of the egg donors and therefore quality of eggs. Reprofit is a cost effective way of doing this, which addresses the question of cost and your ability to finance multiple cycles should it be necessary. You also remove a lot of the pressure associated with another birthday in the offing, as it simply doesn't matter, and it is undoubtedly easier on the body (though you appear to sail through your tx cycles!) This is the option I voted for.

Known donor - what a complete love your friend is! The emotional pressure here could be immense on the pair of you. You could get quite some way down the road only to find that one or other of you felt the need to withdraw from the arrangement. The costs, even with a known donor, are not inconsiderable in this country. She does not have proven fertility (despite her youthfulness) and her choices regarding having a family, as Suity points out, could well change as time passes. From what you write, I sense you are drawn to this option from the point of you that she looks so much like you - and this factor would be negated if her eggs were used to help someone else whilst you were put at the top of the list for the next donor to come along....Nonetheless, this is something that I would be inclined to explore further - but simply on the basis of having a much greater degree of information about your donor than you would have if you went to Reprofit. This would be my second choice.

Adoption - if only it were the simple option, many of us would already be headed down this route I suspect. Notwithstanding what has been posted by others concerning the challenges of adopting from Russia, I have friends that adopted a Russian baby and their experience has been fantastic to date. £20k (also a number I have heard bandied about) is not a small sum to find and of course you still have to jump the hurdles posed by the UK system before you can hope to adopt from elsewhere. Somehow, the adoption process doesn't give you the same sense of control you have with fertility tx - up to the point you have your child in your arms, there is always someone that could take your dream away. For this reason alone, I would not pursue this option.

Such a tough decision, weighing up financial, genetic and emotional factors. All my love as you find your way through the minefield.

A-Mx


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Peeps....just wanted to say a big heartfelt thank you to those of you who have taken the time to share your thoughts.  I am still in a spin....but inching closer to a decision I think.  I had my consult with Dr Thum at the Lister today (had to persuade him to do it over the phone.....given the snow chaos preventing me from getting to London!) .....at the end his verdict was to give me own eggs one or two more goes...this seemed to be mostly based on the fact of number of eggs I produce and the fact I have got to Blast stage relatively easily.  They are only just starting CGH in January (using an Oxford clinic for the analysis) so it is quite new territory for them.  I still haven't totalled up the costs of a cycle at the Lister....put I think it will be pushing £8-9k at least. 

I also emailed my failed FET news to Stepan at Reprofit today....and he has said he thinks it is time to move on to DE. 

I've also just been out for dinner with my mum and dad and got them to 'vote' too!  They both think I should move on to DE now and said lots of lovely things about the most important thing being that I achieve my goal of having a family and they don't think genetics is that important to that. 

I am going to sleep now and hope for some night time inspiration to make things clearer! 

lol

...Winky


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Winky, I'm so sorry that you have such a difficult decision ahead of you.  I voted for OE in the Uk as I sense that you're not quite ready in yourself to move to DE.  I know personally that I had to do everything I thought I could with my OE before being comfortable to move to DE (and then it didn't work til the 4th go (one DE, one DEFET, one DE (ending in miscarriage) and finally DEFET).  I'd be tempted if I was you to go for a protocol as close as poss to Dr Sher's advice in the UK with testing of the embryos.  Should that not prove successful (and I really hope it is!), then you will have so much more info to help you decide re DE.  In the meantime, for a plan b (more like m, n or o!) I'd get on Reprofit's DE waiting list.

Of the other options I'd personally not go for a known donor as I'd find that very difficult to deal with and it could be confusing for both you and the child re his/her relationship with your friend.

Wishing you lots of   whatever you decide.  Great you could have your consult with the Lister over the phone.

Love and hugs, Felix xx


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## Kiwi_in_uk (May 25, 2009)

Hi Winky

I'm so pleased that you have so many options!  But, which one is never an easy decision to know.  If you list all the pros and cons of each one then none of them would be perfect.  At the end of the day this boils down to your need to have genetic attachment and money.  Whatever way you choose I hope this time it works and if it works you will soon forget all these other options.

I have read a lot of what other people have said and have had similar thoughts about the pros and cons of each option.  So what I am about to add comes from my own research.

Immunes Treatment
I feel that this is a red herring.  I explored this after recurring miscarriages investigations including immues investigations (expensive!!).  I concluded that adding all sorts of chemicals to my body would not only drive me insane, but had yet unknown / fully researched consequences for my baby.  I know that there is a split opinion in the medical community about the validity of immunes treatment and I have landed strongly on the mainstream for this.  I concluded that if someone offers you a magic ‘cure’ for simply a higher price then it needs to be viewed with skepticism.  Much as one would in business or everyday life if something is ‘too good to be true’.  I can refer you to some articles with recent medical research if you want to know more.  Or understandably you probably have formed your own opinion already.  For this personal opinion, plus the cost, I would not pursue any treatment using immues treatment.

Known Donor
A known female donor – yes there are many potential consequences to this.  But, this does not have to be all negative.  If this is something you want to go forward with I agree that counseling for you both is a good start, as is researching the experiences of Known Donor Egg babies / Donors / Recipients.  However, saying that it is up to you to design your own destiny and make that happen in a positive manner.  One potential advantage of having a known genetic link is that your child may have a devoted ‘auntie’.

Personally, I decided against known egg donor, because the person who offered said to someone else that she was not sure if she could really deal with someone else playing mum to her child.  


Strategy going forward

If it was me, I would keep as many options open as possible and pursue one more OE option but from a slightly different angle, without going mad on spending money.  For example, put your name down on as many lists as possible for DE keeping in mind the costs (I note that Czech is no longer an option for you) but what about South Africa, or putting your name on the UK lists.  Given that DE takes time, while you are on the lists you could start looking into adoption – thereby giving yourself a further comfort blanket.  Also, consider that adoption is possible via first fostering a child.  A midwife from my local NCT said that there are very few people willing to foster babies in the UK.  May be something else to look into.

I would suggest these options as backups as you don’t seem ready to move to DE and instead I would do something else instead if it is at all possible.  Again this is based on a belief that IVF fails because the environment is not good enough, rather than the eggs being no good.  I would get your eggs collected and fertilized and tested for chromosomal issues.  Freeze them and wait for your body to create the right environment for them to stick.  However, that is possibly not an option.

But, that is just my opinion.  Only you know what is best for you!

Kiwi


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## Chicky Licky (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi Kiwi

Just read your post and found it really interesting what you said about immunes, as I've just had all the tests and found various immune issues.

Do you mind me asking what natural treatment you were recommended as it obviously worked for you!!!?
I'd PM you but your inbox is full so sorry Winky for posting this on here!

Shellie
xx


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## Miranda7 (Feb 12, 2007)

Have you thought about a tandem cycle, where you do OE with a donor backup? A few ladies have done this, starting at the Jinemed clinic in Istanbul, then flying to Cyprus, where their donor was (donor eggs is illegal in Turkey, you see).

I believe this cost something like £6,000. I did ICSI and PESA in Istanbul and can testify to the fact that the Jinemed is a wonderful, clean, modern, welcoming clinic.

It would give you both options at a fraction of the SIRM cost, and much quicker than Reprofit, too.

xx


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Hello peeps....

Well after days of deliberation I have finally made my decision!  Slightly different from the poll results but I decided that £15k plus for Las Vegas would just be too much of a financial gamble.  But at same time I know I would always wonder if I don't do an OE cycle with full immunes (transfusions) included as I only started to try that on the last FET.  And as I am worried about age of eggs I want to do genetic testing....So I am hoping to go to Care Notts for CGH array.  Hopefully March time.  If it doesnt work I will then draw a line and move on to DE....that's probably the biggest part of the decision....finally finally got my head round it!  Stepan can fit in DE cycle for me when/if I need it...I had asked him to put me on the waiting list earlier this year so I am glad I wouldnt have long to wait.  Feels good to have made a decision!  Feels good to have got thru Xmas....and had a wild birthday yesterday (those of you on ** may have seen the evidence!) .....and most of all I am looking forward to tonight and drawing a big fat line under 2009.  A new year - new decade - new hope!  I am away in a beautiful converted mill in Norfolk with great friends at the mo and then on to Egypt on sunday.....hurrah ! 

Happy New Year everyone and a big big thank you for all your support in helping me to reach this decision!! 

lol 

..Winky xxxxx


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## alegria (Dec 10, 2007)

GOOD Luck Winky!!! Have everything crossed for you      

Alegria


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi missus. Am a bit late to this but think you've made a sound decision. As you know, I think it's important to move on, if necessary, when you feel ready and so a last go and then drawing the line if it doesn't work is sensible. I would have voted for DE at Reprofit because I want you to get your heart's desire as soon as possible but as Inde said, donor eggs are also no guarantee. If you've tried once more with your own eggs I think that you'll feel more of a sense of having tried everything possible and will hopefully feel more at ease with DE if it proves necessary. I so want this for you...you are such a wonderfully positive, fun and warm person that any bubba would be so lucky to have you as a mum. 

Am drinking a glass of wine, feeling a little melancholy for the absence of a man/daddy but also feeling like the luckiest girl alive to have my bubba. Am just wishing the latter for you this time next year. Cheers lovey..have a fab boozy New Year...hopefully it might be your last one for a while!  

Muddy x


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## Annaleah (May 14, 2008)

Hi Winky,  Belated happy b'day - sounds like it was a good one.  Hope the new decade brings good things for you.  Are you still in Norfolk?  PM me if you're free for coffee, be really good to see you.  
Annaleah xx


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Hi AnnaLeah! 

Forgot you were in Norfolk....am heading off tomorrow and don't have my own transport otherwise it would have been great to meet up if we are near each other - we are nr Holt.  Have had lovely lovely time....but been up til 5am the last 2 nights and drunk more alcohol in 2 days than I have the whole rest of the year! 

Oh hum! 

..Winky x


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## Annaleah (May 14, 2008)

Hi Winky, 

I'm about half hour from Holt in Norwich.  I'm happy to drive to you for coffee in the morning if you're still about - if not, we'll have to catch up soon.  I'll have to try make the next meet up. 

I'll PM you my number incase you're free tomorrow before you head off.  i have a mobile number for you from a previous meet up so i'll give you a text, not sure if you're on the same number.

Annaleah x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

hey Winks...good to hear you have a plan worked out.  2010 is going to be your year  
xx


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