# Feel like I’m going backwards



## Uber Barrens Club (Jun 6, 2015)

Not sure there's really a question in here, just wanted to blow off steam

I miscarried in March, did a freeze-all cycle in May, but have singularly failed to get even close to getting pregnant again, because I’ve had two FET cancelled - and feel like I’m going backwards because it’s looking like I’m going to be on contraception when my due date rolls around in October  

I can’t seem to menstruate properly - even when my crappy lining grows, it doesn’t shed.  I had 11mm of lining during my freeze-all cycle in May, and no bleed - just black clotty gunge and brown spotting, no actual menstrual flow.  

I’ve had a medicated FET and an ovulation induction FET cancelled because my lining didn’t grow.

And unless I have a proper bleed when my period arrives next week (haha, like THAT’S going to happen), I’m booked in for another hysteroscopy on 31st Aug - when I’ll have a copper IUD inserted to try and get my stupid uterus to menstruate properly. 

We have 6 genetically perfect embryos on ice from our May cycle, but can’t get anything put back unless we can get my lining sorted.  The fact my toxic uterus can’t even have a proper period shows I clearly can’t have a transfer yet - if I can’t even grow or shed my lining, how can I possibly sustain a pregnancy?  

Not sure what there is to say, just having a bit of a moan as feels like my body is having a good laugh at my expense...


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## Little_dreamer (Jul 25, 2016)

I can understand the moan, but focus on the positive at least you have the 6 embryos. As soon as your body's ready they can be put in, hopefully in the best environment that can be. I know the delays are not ideal and of course you feel crappy. Hope is all we have in this game, and is a bloody long game!

Best wishes, hope your luck is just around the corner.


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## Laura11 (Apr 18, 2015)

I hope this isn't too annoying, but I agree that it's hugely positive that you have 6 great embryos waiting for you...I know it must not feel like it, but at least there are options for resolving the lining issues, whereas producing perfect embryos can't really be done by treatment. But I also know that being told to see the positive side doesn't always make you feel better...and I know how it feels to just think that it's all hopeless and so unfair...it is unfair but we have to hang on to it not being hopeless, seeing people's signatures on here always reassures me of that! Big hug xxx


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## Loulou4- (Sep 18, 2014)

Hi

I completely understand your frustrations. My treatment was with donor eggs but I experienced something similar with lining issues. 

I had 2 x transfers last year that unfortunately we're bfn but my lining was always great. 

We took a break and tried again at start of year, egg collection  happened and ended up with 6  x blasts but my lining wasn't right, much thinner than last time so had to do freeze all. I was gutted to have missed out on fresh and what followed were 3 very frustrating months where I kept trying again with lining. On the one month it improved and I was given the go ahead for transfer (bearing in mind I was travelling to greece for this) I booked flights only to start randomly bleeding the next day and lost all my lining. So it was cancelled again and I lost my non refundable flights. 

I felt like someone was taking the mick! But come May I tried again on a fully medicated FET this time with estrogen patches as well as tablets and my lining was a respectable 7.5mm triple lined. Not as good as I'd had in past but I went with it, got to transfer and I'm now 16 weeks pregnant. 

I know you didn't ask for my life story lol but I just wanted to let you know that I get how disheartening it is to have your embryos waiting but your body won't co operate to get to transfer. other ladies are right you are in good position to have 6 embryos but It's hard to focus on positive when things seem to be going wrong. 

I'm not sure what to suggest re the shedding of your lining, I take it they've done blood tests to measure your hormones. Id have thought if it's not being shed it might be progestetone related. Hope you get it sorted and don't give up! 

Lou
X


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## Uber Barrens Club (Jun 6, 2015)

Thank you ladies!

You are of course completely right and thank you for the kick up the bum to remind me that I ought to be very thankful for the embryos

I guess I'm just also really scared of losing another healthy baby

We had the products of conception tested after the ERPC and the embryo was genetically normal - so the problem was me

We don't really know why the miscarriage happened - our best guess is that it was something to do with the crappy endometrium and possibly compromised foetal blood supply (ruled out most other stuff - level 1 and 2 immunes, thyroid, infection etc)

Dr said the big question is whether or not my uterus will be able to sustain a pregnancy - because we don't know why it happened, we don't know if working on the lining, treating for immunes, taking clexane etc will be enough

I know it's not helpful language, just scares me that my body will kill another healthy baby

We agreed that we would call it a bust on my own body if we lose another 2 healthy babies, and accept that I can't carry. Not yet at the point of being able to do a transfer yet though, so that's a way off!!

Thank you so much *Laura* and *little dreamer* - wishing you both the very best of luck with your fertility journeys, everything tightly crossed for you 

*Loulou *- congrats on your pregnancy! Wishing you all the best for a happy and healthy 9 months. Progesterone wise even with Provera the lining didn't shed, it just absorbed somehow. I've got four whacking great corpus lutea this month, so will have to wait and see....! (did an ovulation induction FET, didn't have a transfer as the lining didn't get to 7mm and wasn't triple line, so we agreed not to try naturally either, as the risk of miscarrying again with such a rubbish lining was too high) I used to have proper withdrawal bleeds when I was on the pill - where are you now?!! 

Didn't respond to medicated FET, ovulation induction FET didn't work either, natural FET not an option because I don't have cycles - the only time my lining grew was when my oestrogen levels were sky high in a fresh cycle. So we're planning a whole fresh IVF cycle just to put an embryo back!!! Well, if we can get me bleeding again. Bloody bodies


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Bananafish

Sorry to hear about your delays. I too can empathise with your situation. We started the ball rolling on a DE cycle in January 2015. We're now in August 2016 and have managed just x2 SET in that time   Unfortunately, after our first two donors pulled out, my body has since refused to play ball. I've had my first transfer cancelled due to a UTI, another cancelled due to overly thickened lining, two cycles delayed due to AF not showing up, and two BFNs. I've had to have a uterine biopsy repeated due to inadequate lining and sample, which further delayed things by a couple of months. And now, I've been diagnosed with adenomyosis of the uterus and on prolonged down reg for 2 to 3 months to try and sort that out. It's very frustrating, when you see things like people in work going through a full nine months pregnancy, and coming back from mat leave, and yet here I am plodding away 20 months later with just two bfn transfers to show for that time. Sigh ...

I really hope your IVF round does the trick for you and your lining thickens. For me, the most worrying part of the whole thing is concerns about the uterus, so I totally get your fears. However, it really is best to get it sorted before putting any embryos back. I was never convinced my uterus was in good shape when we put our two best blastocysts back, and I should have trusted my instinct and insisted on checking things out first. However, my impatience to get going made me go against my instincts, and just blindly follow my clinic's advice without questioning it too much. So, I guess I'm saying that I know the waiting is a pain, but it's a good thing that you're waiting to be absolutely sure your embryos are going back to the best environment. Best of luck with it. I really hope it works for you this time


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## Crazygirl (Dec 4, 2014)

Hi,

I totally get the going backwards feeling! The build up disappointments and then delays are just heartbreaking. 

In previous posts you Uterus tests are mentioned.  Would anyone be mind telling me what tests were offered?

My clinic haven't mentioned anything and I have not even been told about endo scratch which also seems quite popular on the forums!

I have my failed cycle follow up appointment soon and I would like to be prepared and make sure I have covered all angles ready for next cycle.  When I'm ready to fight again!


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Crazygirl 

The tests I've had include a hysteroscopy (which involves viewing the inside of your uterus with a camera) and a uterine biopsy, where they take a sample of your lining to test for infection and immune cells  (too many or too few).

Sorry to hear about your failed cycle   hope you get some answers at your follow up consultation.


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## LisaL29 (Apr 5, 2012)

Hey

I'm not sure if there's anything in this and maybe it was just coincidence but on my first FET my lining was 6mm, that cycle didnt take.  I googled everything and came to see 6mm wasn't overly great so I started the usual pineapple juice and Brazil nuts, I had quite a lot daily pre my next FET and my lining was 8mm, that cycle I got my bfp but sadly miscarried.  The next FET I continued with Brazil nuts, pineapple juice and took B6 50mg and b12 to balance out. (There's a list on here by another poster on supplements and benefits). My lining was 13mm at transfer I actually started panicking it was too thick but I got my bfp and my LO is now 29mths.

Again how much of this really works and it's not just coincidence but still can't really hurt to try?  I truly believe it helped my lining.


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## Uber Barrens Club (Jun 6, 2015)

Well boy if I felt like a whingey chump before, being a total moaning minnie&#8230;

&#8230;I feel even more of a silly cow now, given that my uterus only went and managed to have a bloody (haha) period - so my hysteroscopy & IUD has been cancelled, and I began stims for my next treatment cycle yesterday morning, first scan is on Thu

Obv there is still a massive question mark over whether my lining will thicken up or not, but the fact I managed to have a bleed is a really big step forward. We didn't know why my lining grew but then wouldn't shed, and why I was only getting black clotty gunge instead of fresh red blood - so something wasn't right with the endometrium

Dr thinks the G-CSF wash likely accounts for me having actually had a vaguely normal period - as although my lining didn't particularly thicken up, he said the appearance of the endometrium was def improved within 48h of the first wash. The purpose of the IUD was going to be to get me menstruating - so this is a huge steo forwards

*Miss sunshine* - I'm so, so sorry to hear about your lining issues, you have really been through the trenches and earned your stripes and so deserve a break! Couldn't agree more about optimising the uterine environment - it's why we've not risked a transfer, because after the mc my Dr wont' transfer unless he's confident in the quality of the endometrium. We don't know whether my uterus will ultimately be able to sustain a pregnancy, but completely agree we want to give ourselves the best chance possible and do everything we can. Really hope the downreg helps to calm the adeno and gets your oven in good nick, so it can be nicely warmed up for a frozen bun

*Crazygirl* - so sorry about your BFN. Tests I've had include:
- basic pelvic ultrasound with Doppler to check uterine blood flow
- saline ultrasound to look for any uterine anomalies that might indicate further diagnosis & treatment with a hysteroscopy
- hysteroscopy - my uterine biopsy was just a standard one, I didn't have the Prof Quenby uNK cells test

Hope you get some answers at your follow up

*Lisa* - congrats on your little one! I've tried pretty much everything for lining - unfortunately my issue is an oestrogen one

Stuff we have tried for a FET:
Oestrogen pills 
Oestrogen patches
Low dose Gonal-F 
G-CSF wash
Blood thinners 
Fertility acupuncture 
Viagra (oral and vaginal)
High dose l-arginine and vitamin E 
High dose B vitamains, selenium, iron
Lining friendly foods (protein, brazil nuts etc) 
Pomegranate juice and red raspberry leaf tea 
Mayan abdominal massage (aka 'magic tummy rub'. Funnily enough not so magic)
Heat packs strapped to my tummy 
Fertility reflexology 
Hypnofertility 
Probably some other stuff I can't recall

So far the only thing that has seemed to work is high enough doses of stims to create high levels of natural oestrogen in a fresh IVF cycle - I have sleepy oestrogen receptors in my endometrium, and they basically need to get whacked over the head with a sledgehammer to respond

I'm so so happy the B vitamins did the trick for you, and you have your beautiful LO as a result!


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Bananafish, that's great news your AF showed up   She really does know how to play the unexpected! Best of luck with your cycle and transfer - fingers crossed this is the one  

Thanks for the good wishes. I go for another hysteroscopy in a couple of weeks to check on response to downreg meds. Will then have some idea of when I can go for another FET.


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