# Choosing a Nursery / Pre-school for LO



## JDP (Sep 26, 2010)

Just wanted to know when deciding which pre-school to send your LO to what type of adoption related questions did you ask them beforehand. Did anyone choose childminder over a nursery and why ??

Ive just read somewhere that adopted children will be given free early educational entitlement from 2014 for 2 year olds upwards - anyone else read this.

any thoughts / advice would be appreciated.

thanks girls (and guys  )


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

theres a discussion on adoption uk which may interest you..their silly boards wont do a direct link to the actual thread so click below, scroll down to the section 'Discussion all topics' and its the top of the recent posts on that board
personally i cant understand the reason for this entitlement..surely adopted children need more time with their adoptive parents not less!!

http://www.adoptionuk.org/s/forum/108012/forum/

kj x

/links


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Agree with KJ   . Keep your baby at home with you for as long as possible.  Obviously, some people have to work so that's different, but if you can keep them at home it will really pay off in the long run.  

Mine came home at under 1 and was in pre school (for under the 15 hours initially) when he was nearly 3.5 years. He was at home with me for over two years.  He needed to, for want of a better word, 'relax' and for there to be a consistent care giver.  It didn't feel right for me to let yet another 'carer' look after him.  He had enough of all that in foster care   

Of course, it is difficult if you have to work though   . If this is the case, while he is so young, could a family member  help you out?

Good luck!  
X


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Yes, you are right, there is to be free nursery for 2 years olds that met a certain criteria and it is being extended to adopted children.  The initial criteria was for children from disadvantaged families, allowing the parents to get some work and giving the children a more stimulating start in life.  I can understand why they have included adopted children but I think it is really important for an adopted child to remain at home for as long as possible.  My DD has been home nearly 2 years and she starts pre-school in September, being a young 4 entering school it is important for her to be going to pre-school in September but I will build the hours up gradually.  She has had taster sessions and has major separation anxiety so it is going to be a slow process.

Childminders - I wouldn't personally go for a childminder as it can be too personal and attachments can transfer too easily.  It can be very confusing for any child but especially adopted ones who have been in FC and then met new people and gone to live there.  They could easily think they are gradually meeting this new person, ie childminder, with the view of going to live there and that is going to be really unsettling for them.

If you do have to return to work and you don't have family that can help, visit nurseries, ask lots of questions and tell them how you need things doing.  If they aren't prepared to care for your child in a way that is appropriate to meet their needs and maintain your place in the child's life it isn't worth using them.  Every child should be given a key worker, find out who this would be and speak to them.  When you find somewhere, build up the time gradually and do lots of reassurring that you will be picking them up, that they live with you etc etc and be prepared for LO to take a long time to settle, a non-adopted child can take 6 weeks or so to settle and generally it will take longer for an adopted child.

Good luck
OT x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Spend as much time with them as u can. I had 14 months off work but sadly had to return in jan  2 days a week. bubba goes to my mum and dh mum. She does attend playschool on her own for 1 session a week and it has taken since easter for her to settle.  She goes on a day I am at home so I always take her and always pick her up. 
We felt she needed time with other children her own age and if we go to anything where mummy can stay she won't leave my side. We are going to increase gradually until she starts school in a couple of years.


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

Hi, I haven't adopted. We are seriously considering it so I read the adoption section of FF frequently at the minute. Obviously I can't comment as a mummy but as a professional, until 31 March I was a Sure Start Children's Centre Manager and I spent a lot of time talking to parents about choosing early years settings. We always advised then to go to lots of places, ask lots of questions and trust their gut instincts. 

Gertie, just a thought but could you take your little one to groups at your local children's centre then once they are used to the centre and the staff, book to do a course with a creche in the same building, and gradually leave your lo for a bit longer each time with the staff knowing you are in the building and can get you if your lo is upset. 

Hope people don't mind me replying xxx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Thanks keeping busy - we don't have those centres where I live from what I've researched so far but that would be my ideal. Not sure how a busy nursery would like me coming with LO to play to get him familiar. Oh it's a minefield!!
X


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

When I picked which pre-school to enrol Wyxling for my main adoption specific concerns were around how they deal with discipline, any extra support that was available, and whether they were open to new ideas/willing to work with me in terms of attachment related problems.  State schools/pre-schools get a financial supplement for looked after children and children who have been looked after children and I wanted to know how that would translate to support for Wyxling if it was needed.  I found a wide variety of responses from the local pre-schools here and the one that was far and away the most positive was also the one which has the best educational rating from OFSTED so that made it a no brainer really.  The attached infant and junior schools are also meant to be very good.  I've since had to ring up regarding admissions and priority - we were initially only offered an afternoon place - and ended up speaking to the headteacher who was very understanding and after a brief outline of the situation and suggested further support/wanted to know if we felt it would be helpful for one of the nursery teachers to be involved in any meetings with the other professionals involved.  

Remember that in terms of state pre-school your child will receive priority for admissions if they are adopted.  This used to end when the adoption order was made but that's changing in the next academic year.


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## Keeping busy (Apr 13, 2011)

Gertie, do you live in England. If so there will be a Sure Start Children's Centre fairly close to where you live, might just be called a children's centre. If you go on the direct gov website, this link, http://childrenscentresfinder.direct.gov.uk/childrenscentresfinder and put in your post code, then the number of miles, if you live in the middle of the countryside would need to say a bit further away, then it will give you a list. You can access any centre you want although for courses sometimes you have to live in thier reach area, but the centre can tell you that. If you live in Wales they have something similar, but I can't remember what it is called, if I remember I let you know. I'm not sure about Scotland or Ireland. Hope this helps. Pm me if you want more info, if by chance you live in the South West I might even know your local centre as have worked pretty closely with some other centres.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Gertie. I will probably get shot for saying this. Our parents have all been great. Bubba did and still occasionally isn't as happy beenwith dh mum but aabsolutely loves it when we have gone. I have reappeared without her knowing and u can here her outside just been her. As long as she doesn't do a runner towards strangers I have to say I have tried just to let it be because I don't want to stop her doing what every other lo does. She has a soft spot for older men but we are sure this is because her main fc was male but she never leaves whoever she is with.
I do talk to bubba about adoption and having recently introduced life story she has been very vocal about it bless her.
With only have 1 playschool within sensible walking distance so not much of a decision but it is lovely and they have been fantastic.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

As a pre-school worker I would say check quite a few out, check the Ofsted reports and talk to other local Mums whose children may attend.
When looking around ask questions, note how many staff are working, what activities they have out, ask for a prospectus, don't feel rushed into making a decision there and then. Check out what time their sessions run for as we offer full days which is  9-3, mornings either 9-12 or 9-1, afternoons 12-3 or 1-3. 
A lot of our parents bring their children to us because we are a small unit, we only have a max of 20 children per session, 4 to 5 members of staff working at each session.
We are a very inclusive pre-school and it helps that I work there and have been through the adoption process.........Not blowing my own trumpet but we have had children placed with us who have been adopted and I know more than the other staff in terms of attachment, settling in, respecting parents wishes and knowing how they feel when they leave THEIR child as I have done it with my own children.
I agree with what the others have said in regards to keeping them with you for as long as you can but sometimes that is not always the case as parents may need to return to work or in the case with our DS, he was nearly 4 when placed with us, he was with us for 8 weeks when our SW advised us to get him into our local pre-school so he could mix and socialise with his peers..............it was very difficult making that decision to send him but it was also the right one.  The staff were fantastic and made yet another transition for him an easier one.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Thanks supreal 

I visited one with DH that is run by our LA and has a lot if LAC & SW referrals. We loved it but there hours would be difficult to manage if I did go back to work even with same family member doing pick up. It's gave me hope though that with the right nursery staff & us slowly build things up LO will adjust well. I've got a long time to decide but just wanting to explore my options.

I'd really love more stay & play type activities that other Los could do to. LO has found soft plays ok if both of us are there and not too busy. Anyone have ideas about play group type groups that do this? Any other ideas for play date options - we already have LOs as part of our support network that LO sees regularly & enjoys company & comes our if his shell more every time. I'm just not finding as many local peers yet as he's still behind his chronological age.

Thanks G x x


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Gertie, have you got a local council leisure centre?  They often do active type play groups.  Otherwise I tend to take Wyxling to soft play first thing in the morning in term time - most of them are quite quiet and it's only other toddlers.  They're a bit of a manic free for all at weekends and in holiday time and just not great for little ones.  Another good one is messy play if you have anything like that locally.  It's also great for bonding if you don't mind getting a bit messy too!


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Could you do something messy in the garden - I know it doesn't help with socialising but it's one of the things I found really gave me the best time with Wyxling when she was little.  Lots of nice little things that make good fun mess.  If you mix paint and washing up liquid and use it with sponges, it makes ridiculously fun messy bubbles, we spent ages making it really bubbly with the sponges, then shoving hands it in and high fiving to splash them all over the place.  You absolutely do not want to do that inside!  Also cornflour in water is incredibly tactile, although that seems to be a love it or hate it type thing, some kids can't stand it.  Dry rice and pasta with little containers and colander/funnels etc.  If we do paint in the garden, we put it on plates and paint hands and feet, and I save cardboard packaging and tubes to paint.  We had loads of little things that we found worked well with Wyxling and helped to break up the day.

I understand what you mean about stimulation, I have cooperation issues though, so we need to be quite inventive!

If he likes physical stuff what about swimming classes - you can often get ones where it's mostly just fun and you go in the water with the kids.  Depends what he's like with water though!

Just a few ideas, I'm always after new stuff I can try and do with Wyxling.


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