# How family treat you?



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

When it comes to infertility, I feel like they don't know what to say, some can be rude some can be patronising and some just don't take your feelings into account at all - today we took my oh little niece . And his mum was showing him how to make the bottle again his youngest niece and nephew are 8months and then it's 2, 6 and 9 he knows how to make a bottle   sterilise the lot. Iv even had since the little  niece wev had her a handful of times il be honest we really struggle to get on with his sister and 'the bf' and it took me a while to take to his niece, that when we have her 'oh she doesn't do that here'   xxx


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## Look on the bright side (Jan 11, 2014)

Hey mzmaary23,

I feel your pain when it comes to family. It seems like they never seem to understand what were going through, or they end up coming across insensitive with the comments they make.

Hope your ok, sending hugs your way!


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi I feel the pain too I've just got back from ny 2 year old cousins party and there were 2 newborns there and under 3's my family were all hugging baby and one asked if I wanted to hold but I used the 'I have the flu' excuse   I found an old lady to talk to   my dp brother also has a few month old baby and when we are there it's all baby this and baby that and never take my feelings into account.It really annoys me they don't realise how much it affects us


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## suzylee (Oct 5, 2012)

Every year my Mum says "it's going to be your year, I can feel it" She's been saying this for ten years now! It's the hardest thing in the world ringing to tell her IVF has failed. My mother in law saves me clippings about IVF and recently showed me an article about a new clinic that has opened, unfortunately she doesn't include the 6k I need to go there! 
They mean no harm but it's annoying


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## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

The unknowing of what they're going to say is exactly why we haven't told majority of our family anything! Only our mums know what we went through to get our daughter. 
Yet, people knew we were trying. As it's just one of those things you say. When you've been married a few years people always ask "so when will you have a baby?". To which we innocently answered that we're hoping soon. Not knowing what lay ahead. And so, when we still weren't pregnant after however long and my DH's brother and wife did get pregnant - after a few months - they told everyone and not us. For it to come out later that the reason they hadn't told us was that they didn't want us to be jealous, and give them evil eye, jinxing it! Family are as insensitive as strangers! Thankfully, now, I have reached a place where I can out it down to stupidity, not being mean. Doesn't hurt the sting each time something silly is said. But they don't know. So I make excuses for them.


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## Karhog (Oct 27, 2012)

It's difficult. We were TTC for over 20 years and have had it all....pity, guilt,insensitive comments and being patronised.
I learnt to take it on the chin as I realise mist people either just don't think before they speak... Or worry too much and then come across as patronising.
Over the years I did learn who to discuss our problems with though and the last few years of treatment we told no one apart from my parents and my sister and brother when we cycled as we couldn't bear people thinking our private life was everyones business.


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## Snave78 (Aug 16, 2013)

I cant decide what's worse "when will it be your turn"?" Or the fact that after 9 years married people have stopped asking and commenting! 
Just love this though   it says what i think sometimes! (He he!)


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

Suzylee, my Mum says exactly the same thing, "it'll happen soon, I can feel it", but after three years of TTC sadly she hasn't been right yet!

I try not to tell my family too much, as I don't want all the questions all the time and my DH hates it when they ask about it publicly, I do too actually! It feels really uncomfortable as it's so personal and raw.


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

I think although family do mean well, they are the worst culprits! 
The usual when when when, then telling you maybe you arent doing it right, then i know so and so who did IVF and it worked the first time and oh it will happen! 
The look of pity at social gatherings...oh it will be you next, and all you want to do is hide! 
I really dont like people throwing babies in your lap as if thats going to make things better and say you need the pratice!


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

My Mum once said "maybe you're not doing it right" I was so pi**ed off with her I felt like screaming!


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