# Sticky  Enjoying the one :)



## Eli1000

Thought I would take a different approach on this thread..firstly to support me (a forever broody mother of one 6 month old) and hopefully help others who are waiting for a second miricle..enjoy their time
Firstly, I must express my desperation for another baby. I had planned when i would have my next IVF and how i would afford/save up for it within a week of my first ICSI BFP. Now i know that sounds greedy, selfish when I should be so grateful but I love children..I work with them..always have done..and from being a small child always wanted a big family! As a child i loved holding babies and I even found a diary recently of when I was just 10 yrs old expressing how upset I was because my aunt wouldnt let me hold her newborn. Anyway..back onto this subject, even tho my son is only 6 months old and I absolutely adore him..I worry every day that I wont have another. I am sterilised due to fluid on my tubes (certainly not out of choice) so I know I will never have another naturally. Me and my DH have average jobs ..we certainly cant just pull out 5k from somewhere..it would take us at least 3 yrs to save. 
So you are probably wondering why i have named this thread 'enjoying the one'. Well what i can say is that working with lil ones for so many yrs has given me lots of insight. Ill never forget starting my business and worrying ill never get more than one child to care for. I had just the one for 6 months and never appreciated the time at the time.It was only when i got a beautiful bouncing baby to care for I started to realise how much easier..and how much special time I had with the one. Not that I didnt enjoy having more but you honestly dont realise  how special that time is with just one. A few examples..after 6 yrs of running my own busy business..I had one day over the summer when pregnant and all my lil kiddies were on holiday leaving me with just the one. Oh and what a lovely day we had..baking, walks,cuddles..I had forgotton how special time is with the one! Another example is my SIL who now has 2 children. When she had the one she was so happy, proud..and I remember how excited she was when when pregnant with num 2. However when num 2 came along she seemed tired, not so jolly..things changed..and she has decided to have no more! Then I look at a mum at my baby group. The majority of us are first time mums gushing over our little ones. This mum has two and is always saying how she misses when it was just the one even tho she adores both her children.
I know all this probably makes no sense but when im having a day of..oh why oh why cant i just get pregnant easily or have lots of cash for treatment..I try to remember these times and it does help. Especially when i take my  baby boy to bed for afternoon snuggles or he sits watching me lovingly in a morning as i straighten my hair and he holds my blusher box..so cute..and times ill never forget


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## louloumay

Thanks Eli,  your post really helped    

xx


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## Eli1000

Hi loulou..im so glad it did..


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## Katie4

A very true and important post. Thank you x


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## Anjelissa

Hi Eli,

I'm not a regular poster on this particular board, but just stumbled across this thread.
I just wanted to say what a thought provoking and lovely post it was.   

Our beautiful little boy moved in with us 8 months ago (aged 11 months) and we may or may not have more, but our fate is in other people's hand to some extent. 
I too grew up wanting a family from a very young age and you never imagine when you are a teenager dreaming of your future that there will be problems ahead, it's just presumed a 'given'.

I treasure every moment with our precious little man and whether or not we end up having more children is fine with us as we feel truly blessed to be Mummy and Daddy to such a wonderful little boy.

Love Anj x


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## DJCJ

What a lovely post Eli - its so true. Thanks x


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## upsydaisy

Thank you, thank you, thank you Eli for that wonderful post      sooooooooo true.
Upsyxxx
I'm also not a poster on this board (no hope of a number 2 here   )


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## sticky15

Thank you Eli - I loved your post too!!
A good friend of mine had her second baby recently ( a bit jealous to be honest)and I too have thought of the lovely times I am having with just my one.I have been loving the warm weather with my little girl - lots of special ,precious moments.Time with the two of us together.
The thought of more washing up and ironing, that comes with a second ,always makes me feel better too!
Sticky x


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## All5

Great great post, really puts things in perspective. I am awaiting the arrival of my little one and I will remember this post when my mind starts to wander.


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## sabah m

Although I am planning final FET for later int he year, I do get to contented points in my life ( as I actually am now) and just pay special attention to what DS is doing, his latest stage of developement, and drink it all in so my time is being spent this way rather than yearning for eg. a years time when I will have enough money for next tx.  DS is two now, talking loads and it is so precious that I can communicate fully with him and he can tell me what he needs etc.  I love this, we have a real relationship now and it is the most precious thing ever!  I am making an effort to get to know people with children as my fear is his growing up with no siblings, and hopefully when the circle of friends is well established I will relax and enjoy when I go home, its with just my precious prince!

Eli-enjoy every precious moment xxx


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## Eli1000

Hello again..thankyou for all your lovely posts! I honestly didnt expect my message to mean so much to others..but im so glad it helped you see the reality of the situation (for some). .something which is so hard when we have all suffered the pain of infertility. I believe infertility makes that pain so much harder. I know friends who have considered number two with a 'if it happens it happens approach' ..we cant do this which makes it so much harder. However I have friends who after having that thought have experienced secondary infertility and just decided to settle with the one. They seem comfortable doing this. Perhaps its because they havent experienced the real pain we did in the first instance. So they just seem more settled. In our case the memories of the first time can come flooding back which makes the desperation so much harder. It can be hard to regain perspective.I think the best way to describe it is that the pain of infertility goes deep into our subconcious the moment we get that positive..we then enjoy being pregnant and gush over our newborns right up tho the moment they stand alone....then the pressure of society sets in and the bubble is burst. All your friends from babygroup/toddlers are discussing or getting pregnant and of course so should u supply your child with a silbling..thats what society expects..thats how we fit in..isnt it? OMG..how will we cope..no one knew about IVF or my original struggle with infertility..ill have to start making excuses about the delay..or of course I could be honest and have sympatehtic looks and no doubt deep discussion behind my back! Hmmm..what is one supposed to do
BE STRONG!!! WE CAN DO IT!!! ok we already know time/fertility and luck is all we have to rely on. So how do we deal with societys pressures..and of course our own desperation??
Well, unfortunately im still learning so dont have all the answers. But as you know..two is harder than one. So let them gush..then meet them with your one and their two and notice how much more tired they are..you can be relaxed, happy..and your child has everyhting it could wish for. Honestly. its a luxury for both adult and child to have only one..Im ONE..an only child!!
And then the subject of apparantly spoilt only children..lol!! Well the spoilt bit is rubbish..ive been privelidged not spoilt! Ive got good relationships with all family members and my upbringing was magnificent to make up for the no siblings. I got to choose a friend to take on holiday..(i was so popular at school because of this) I got all the latest toys and new stuff ..but was never spoilt..i had impecable manners and love my parents dearly! My parents also let me have regular friends for tea and sleepovers and childhood and teenage yrs were wonderful! My hubby however is the eldest of three and is always grumbling about this that the other. His brother is an absolute nightmare..he plagues his family with guilt is an alcoholic and is always desperate for attention and causing trouble!I suppose this can happen to anyone so is not a good example..but what im trying to say is that just because you have one it doesnt mean you wont have a close family lifestyle. If you have more than one..your attention has to be shared...meaning those close bonds are shared!!! My friend is one of four..all of whom never visit there mother as they all got their independance at 18 and fled. She always said she couldnt wait to escape the busy house and has opted for a small family herself!
anyway..im starting to ramble big time now lol!!! just another angle to view lifes funny old ways!
El xxx


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## Eli1000

oooohhh..completely random comment but one u may want to know!!
Because of my job..and alot of the childcare development workers know how much i wanted children they mentioned fostering to me. Recently I decide to ring and enquire I was quite suprised at what they could offer. i thought it would be all older children and teenagers. When I spoke to them I said i would only care for under 3's! They told me there was lots of under threes and newborns needing placements and were desperate to take me on. unfortunatley i cant do this due to my business numbers but i just wanted to share it as its an opportunity for those wanting to share their love. apparantly if you dont want over 3's they wont place you with them. You will recieve upto £250 a week to care for them and often if you get a newborn they will be with you until 9-15 months when u will then place them with adoptive parnets who you would work with. i think this is so rewarding and defo wnat to do it in the future. I know someone who did it and she had a 15 month old girl and 3 yr old boy. The girl was with her from birth and the boy from 18 months. Im not sure how it would be saying goodbye to these children but aparantly CIS prep u for that. Just thought I would share xxx


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## angel star

Eli, thank you so much for your posts. You have really helped me to see the positives in enjoying my little boy if I don't manage to have a sibling for him - was feeling pretty rotten yesterday. Also the fostering sounds good and maybe the way forward but need to speak to DH first  . You're so right about them not being spoilt. I am careful that DS does not get treats all the time however tempting it is. I will hold onto what you say about friends too and make sure that DS has plenty of friends, after all who's to say he would get on with any sibling. However, I'm still secretly hoping deep down. xx


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## coully69

What awonderful post, it says everything perfectly,just wish I wasnt as desperate asfrd
I am for number two. I am blessed already and count my lucky stars every day.xxxxx


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## Twopence

This is a really lovely post. I had my gorgeous DD 18 months ago and I love her so much. DH says i am obsessed with her    

Anyhow, I would love to give her a sibling and am desperate for number 2. At the same time I am aware that I don't want to get as caught up in having number 2 as i did with having number one then realising five years down the line I missed out on number one growing up!!

I love having one to one time with DD and I know that would go with number 2 but I still worry about her being on her own. She only has one cousin and my sis wont have anymore. There is an 11 tear age gap between DD and my nephew although they do adore each other. I will make sure she has plenty of friends.

Anyhow, just wanted to say thanks for this thread. It helps with the feeling that i 'should' have another

lots of love xx


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## loopskig

Thank you for a very true and grounding post! My poppet IS perfect but has had a very messy day today. So hard to tell him off without both of us in fits of laughter.

I think I'm a good candidate to turn out like your sister in law - a pure bundle of stress if I were fortunate enough to have a second baby.
How do you get two in and out of the car? What if one is in the bath and another needs feeding/changing etc. etc.

I am consistently in awe of people with more children. Can't possibly comprehend how mothers of 4, 5, 6 or twins cope but of course the fear of how to cope practically doesn't stop the feelings of desperation that we need a sibling for our only babies. Its more guilt I feel than anything this time round.

One day, if we're lucky....

Hope it turns out for you all.
Loops xxxx


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## Tillypops

Ladies, I'm going to sticky this thread for you.

Tilly
xxxxxxx


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## Twopence

What does 'stivky' it mean?
xx


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## Tillypops

It just means that it stays where it is rather than moves up and down the board depending on whether someone posts in it or not. I thought it was a useful and helpful thread for this board and would be more easily found by people if it was "sticky".

Hope that helps.

Tilly
xxxxx


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## Twopence

Vert good idea, thanks


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## KristyLou

Just wanted to add a thanks for this post. I have a lovely husband and an absolutely beautiful boy who has just turned three. They are my world and I thank God for them every day and pray to him to keep them safe and well. I really would like another child but for whatever reason it just doesn't seem to be happening for us. It's been a shock as it all happened straight away on our first attempt. We are debating whether or not to shell out £6,500 for another round of ICSI. All my friends are having their second children and I'm the only one left pretty much. I worry for my son as I think he'd benefit from having a brother or sister but then I think Eli is right about the fact that we can give him so much if he is our only one. And he is so perfect in every way. I worry he will be spoiled but then I have a brother and sister and I've not been particularly close with them and my husband also has a brother and sister and both aren't very close to him. I lost my dad when he was only 46 and my brother died this year, I absolutely feel strongly that life is a gift and you have to be grateful for everything you have and count your blessings to the extreme. We'll see what the future brings. I hope for another but my life is so lovely in so many ways I can't let myself be sad if things stay the same and we can't or decide not to have another one. XXX


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## Ladylea

Hi I am truly touched by your post I have one very lively energetic geourgious cheeky baby bot who is the centre of my ( and his daddy's ) life ... Xx we have enjoyed three lovely years together , one to one days , painnting going fir picnics  and snuggling with a book ... He starts nursery in January and school in sept 2012 and I realt dnt no how I'm going to cope without him!!!! And getting back on subject we are going through frozen blasto  November  this year and I am so worried that I'll miss that one to one time if I'm successful in getting pregs xx so yes thank you for your post of enjoy the one because I truly do everyday and before u no it they are starting school !!!!! Xx so thanks for your post u have just reminded me not to stress if this atemp faills we are all blessed we have our miracles !! So girls lap them up!!!!


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## Eli1000

Hello lovely ladies,
Thankyou for your responses and apologies for my absence. My little miracle has just turned one, and what a fantastic time we had celebrating his birthday! I thought this was an appropriate time to come on and post because the only reason Im up at this hour is because monkey is teething and I have also been running my business for 4 weeks...with my beautiful boy included! So..new babies, new experience...so how do I feel??  Well ill be honest..its lovely but hard work. I have to share my attention and it has really affected my baby. He loves to copy... as they all do..so now my little boy has gone from eating everything at the table, to copying others and screaming until something else is delivered to him. In addition he has took to screaming for attention, looking lost and upset when i pick up another child to ignoring me completley. I must tell u more about the latter situation. My little love who ive named lovebug due to his affection,,took to ignoring his own mother for 5 days. He wouldnt look at me, was quite aggresive when i went for a cuddle..and just generally didnt want to know me, it was heartbreaking. We havent quite got over this yet but i presume its because i have to love others like i do him. He has also started passing me teddies to cuddle but doesnt want me to cuddle him. I think he is repeating what happens in the day..mummy cuddles other babies too.....it has really changed him. Its so sad but i know its my job and he is soooo much luckier than other babies whose mums leave them to go to work. I also know in the long run he will love the other children..but that will take time


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## Eli1000

UPDATE: baby boy has been a complete mummys boy the last few days..just shows these phases dont last!!

Back to the topic of this forum...DH cant wait to have another..saying we should book ourselves in now. Me..Ill be honest..I have no desire whatsoever. I love my little man..he is just perfect. 
Ill admit, on the school run (childcare school run) there are two mums that have muchos babies, they also look knackered! I stilll have no desire to be them. Im so happy with what I have its untrue. Me and my hubby were desperate to take our 1 yr old to a bofire party..but we didnt..because we knew full well it would be too much for him, I love every age..birth onwards.. I dont cling to yesterday but look forward to every part of my child growing up.... that in itself is a gift.. a precious gift!


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## guider

Thank you soo much for this thread, 
I am sat here this morning (as usual should be doing something else!) having thoughts again about a sibling for my wonderful LO and this was the first thread I found myself reading, 
I appreciate every moment with my DS but (and this probably sounds really stupid) sometimes you just need somone to put it into words to remind us all.


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## wishforamiracle

Hi 
  Thank you Eli for your beautiful posts..... my daughter is about to turn 1yr soon too..... i'm in the dreaded 2ww with my last icsi and after reading your posts i'm alittle less scared and whatever happens it will be ok.....well it wasn't to be and i have just re read this thread again.... thanks for putting into words what i'm thinking making it clearer for me i dont want to get caught in the scramble for number two and you have reminded me to live in the moment..... thanks again


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## Eli1000

Wow I have not been  on here for so long ..enjoying life   

So my little lovebug is now 2 and no I am not pregnant nor have I had another.

I thought it important to share this on this thread as my feelings have changed considerably this past 12 months-

The pressure I felt from others having number 2 when my son turned 1 has gone. Some had babies, some didn't - who cares! (yes I am that confident in my own feelings to say that now)

I have realised there is no pressure anymore - no one asks - no one cares! And neither do I!!!

I am enjoying every min with lovebug but  now he has turned 2 I have also enjoyed finding time for myself again. I look after him full-time but at night go to classes of my choice - I love it!

I am not desperate for a 2nd baby anymore. I actually dont think I want a 2nd at all. Im very happy in my family of 3. Watch this space ..   

My Moto -

Do what feels right for YOU!


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## loopskig

Super story Eli, glad you hear you feel in control of your own destiny!

For me its a very pertinent time for this thread to be reactivated. I am on my last ever clomid, day22 so it's now or never for my darling joe to have a sibling. I have been having acupuncture for the first time this cycle. Possibly a bit late in the day but I am feeling better mentally and even if we are not successful of course I appreciate how fortunate I am to be enjoying my one.

Best wishes and happy thoughts to you all,
Loops X x xx x


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## Eli1000

Best of luck loop     I will be thinking of you   

I just passed the baby aisle in toys r us on my Christmas shop. I can honestly say I breathed a sigh of relief that I was only walking past. Looking at all the sterilisers, bottles, baby baths etc brought it all back to me for a moment. I am honestly pleased to be past that stage. 

what I am enjoying at the mo is doing special one to one activities with LO. He got his first ducklings badge and certificate at our local mum and toddler swim the other week. It was a very proud moment. I love planning my days off with him. We have the santas Christmas train experience coming up soon. I think me and hubby are more excited about this than little one. Although he has learnt to say HO HO HO when I mention Father Christmas.

And here are a few real life events that I thought I would share - they remind me to never take anything for granted and to appreciate every moment with my family:

We are having my grans friend over at ours for christmas lunch this yr. She has five grown up children who she gets on with very well but they have all planned their individual Christmas events and she has not been invited to any. She is too polite to ask for an invite. So we have invited her instead.

And My SIL who I mentioned at the start of this thread has just split up ( about a month ago) with her husband of 16 yrs. They have 2 children age 4 and 7 and he has just walked out and left them. No reason she knows of .. just gone! Very Sad.

On a happier note I am currently stuffing my face with fresh crusty baguette and cheese. I can already feel my winter spread coming on!


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## pebblegirl

Eli1000 

Thank you for the post.  It makes complete sense.  In fact your post has just sent me upstairs to watch my little girl sleep.  I too imagined a life of many children and that may never be the case.  I am however the luckiest woman alive for having such a wonderful daughter so thank you for reminding me of that.  

Pebblegirl x


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## kitten77

i can see that this post is very old and it is wonderful too see the updates and the feelings that come with the passing years..... you have really opened my eyes, what a fantastic post. 

....i cant explain how im feeling now, we really want number 2, but you know what....my boy is perfect and my life.


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## leb84

What a lovely post 😄 I am enjoying my one little baby to I wanted a baby for so long a sibbling is something I'm thinking of but reading your post is just so good to think how enjoying the fact we had him that baby we never thought we would have. I feel totally blessed and lucky right now. Xx


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## Blib

This post is very true. I have just had a second baby thanks to IVF. My second pregnancy was riddled with sickness all the way through and I couldn't ever rest having a three yearbold to look after and ended up having an emergency c section which I couldn't recover properly from as had little support and my husband worked long hours.  I had the closest most magical relationship with my first daughter (also IVF) and enjoyed every minute if it. I am extremely lucky IVF worked for me again however my second daughter has not had the same treatment! I'm so tired that DD1 now doesn't get my attention all the time
And DD2 seems to luck out even more! Having said that DD1 simply adores the new baby and it makes my heart swell when they smile at each other. I wanted to give DD1 a sibling and  I am extremely lucky this has worked out for me again x


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## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Looking back through this thread it's so lovely to see all the wonderful news within updated signatures along the way 
I know through times of struggle it always gave me hope to see that miracles can and do happen.
My initial reply here was about 3.5 years ago and it only seems like yesterday 

We are totally blessed with our little man and little lady, but will never forget the incredibly tough decisions we had to make when considering adopting a 2nd time, as yes, things do totally change. We wouldn't change things for the word, but I wont deny it can be hard work at times 

I think for those of us who have experienced infertility we often have such a difficult journey, that when we are finally blessed with a child (whichever route we take), the decision to attempt to add to our family can be an even more difficult one than it would have been had our first child arrived without struggle

I know in our case we were so scared to possibly throw our happy little family into chaos and 'upset the apple cart' (after finally becoming a Mummy & Daddy) that it was an incredibly tough decision to make.

I'm an only child myself and my DH was one of four, so for different reasons we wanted our little man to grow up with a sibling. I would also say though that (again based on our different childhood experiences) we both felt that if it were not to be, then our little man could and would still have a happy & loving childhood and would be none the worse for being an only child.
However much I would have loved a brother or sister, I was fine, and in fact formed very strong childhood friendships that I still have now whom I consider to be my sisters (after 30+ years together!) ...showing my age ).
Equally so, myself and DH felt so totally blessed when our little man joined our family that we too would be have been fine either way had fate not lead us down the road to a 2nd adoption.

Eli.....It's plain to see that your words have touched quite a few people over the years and have meant a great deal   
If you're still reading, it would be lovely to hear from you and get an update   

Love & Luck to all above,

Angie x


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## Eli1000

Hello my lovely FF friends.
I'm sorry I haven't been here for a while. As the original poster here I thought I should come back and update you with my news that we have finally completed our family and have two lovely little boys who I love very much. 
I know you all really enjoyed this post so wanted to share with you my new blog 
http://meltedblueberries.com/
It is filled with hilarious stories from the perspective of the boys but written by me. I don't need to tell you here whether its harder being a mummy of two because we all know its true. Yes I do sometimes miss those one on one days and am absolutely dreading Big C going to school. I know its selfish but I just don't want him to grow up. My blog is filled with stories, pics and vids and it is guaranteed to cheer you up if you are having a bad day. If you can follow me on any social network site I would also appreciate it because ive never had an account so have no social networking friends. If you enjoy my blog please share with your friends. I will be adding my fertility journey at some point but for now want to focus on it being about the boys. I best vacate this section before I start reading the 'do I dare think of number 3' ..its funny, that feeling never quite goes away. Im just learning to accept it.
Hugs and love to you all xxx

/links


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## Anjelissa

Hi Eli 
It's really lovely to hear from you 
Thank you so much for popping back with an update, it's always wonderful to hear about such happy endings 

Lots of love, and all the best for the future,

Angie x x


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## maisie O

I know this post is old but I just needed to write my thoughts down. I have just had my wee miracle boy 11 weeks ago. Some may think why I am even considering this now, but being 41 I know I have to think about giving my wee son a sibling. My DH is not even entertaining the idea at the minute as he is still traumatised from the pregnancy as it was fraught with my own health problems and I do wonder if I am being selfish in my own need to be pregnant again and progress on our quest for a wee sibling for my son. I know I should count my blessings and content myself but I cannot help but think about the future and what if? I know it would mean a further round of treatment. 

I know that I should not be thinking about this now but I am scared that if I don't think about this I will leave it too late.


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## Toad76

I'd just like to say thank you for this post and all the replies. These are all things we've been talking about for the past few months, but it's so grounding to hear them back. My wee man is 17 months and we are on the brink of trying for number two. So many things to think about with a healthy dose of mummy guilt....is it OK to undergo treatment and the inevitable emotional roller coaster it brings whilst looking after your first amazing IVF gift? Seeing all these posts makes me realise it is ok, but it's also ok if it doesn't work as WE ARE A FAMILY and that's all I've ever wanted. Thanks ladies. Xx

Oh and it's perfectly fine to be broody as hell with an 11 week old. You're not crazy at all. Most of us don't have the gift of time. It might not be conventional, but it's absolutely fine to think about it. Just don't forget to enjoy the present with your baby and look after yourself too. You might want to plan number two, but you need to plan to let your body re group after carrying your baby and giving birth. Enjoy being a mummy, it's so hard and the best thing in the world rolleD into one. Xx


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