# media bias - woman aching for kids always portrayed as crazy



## even (Apr 15, 2012)

hello, been thinking about this for a while on and off, i think the media portrays women that really want kids as crazy and that's really unfair, and as for men that really want kids, the media just doesn't even acknowledge that they exist.
It would be great if FF would keep track of this, here's my list to start us off, anyone know if this list's been started already elsewhere?:
NEGATIVE PORTRAYALS OF WOMEN DESPERATE FOR KIDS
the doctor in eastenders, ended up blowing herself up in a house
ronnie in eastenders, stole kat's baby to replace her own
I know there are others but i can't remember them off the top of my head, eastenders is such a popular programme that it does enough damage on its own with just 1 of these, let alone 2

POSITIVE PORTRAYALS OF WOMEN DESPERATE FOR KIDS
none that i can think of, but don't watch much TV, films etc

NEGATIVE PORTRAYALS OF MEN DESPERATE FOR KIDS
none that i can think of, but i don't watch much TV

POSITIVE PORTRAYALS OF MEN DESPERATE FOR KIDS
same

feel free to msg me cos i'm unlikely to notice if anyone replies to this cos there's no easy way to purge the list of forums i've posted on, hence no easy way to know if there are replies to this


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## Raincloudsandlovesongs (Oct 5, 2013)

Hi i'm a surro and have not experienced IF but tend to notice surrogacy story lines and how unrealistic they can be  .  So hope you don't mind me replying. 
Off the top of my head the surrogacy story line in corrie Izzy was a bit full on at times but mainly presented in a positive light. Gary kissed his surrogate and really really wanted a baby so i guess it was negative. Silver in 90210 (I'm 21 and still watch  ) was desperate for a baby and was a bit controlling of her surrogate but wasn't crazy or anything. Aurgdery in rules of engagement really wanted children and wasn't the slightest bit unstable.  I notice know surrogacy has become a bit of media frenzy IF doesn't exist as much on tv as they can just 'hire' someone. A few years back there was also Monica in friends who adopted and was shown in a really positive light. But i agree that most are made out to be deranged same as most TV police officers are up to no good, I'm married to one and that is also an unfair sterotype.
xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

there was lauren in neighbours recently who wanted another child (having already got teenagers) and I think it was portrayed in a neutral way, neither positive or negative... she didn't get her wish, well not so far anyway.

I agree that if you only relied on television you would get a very odd picture of how things are.. I felt the storyline in corrie where Julie thinks she's pregnant, then turns out to have ovarian cysts, and what seems like 5 minutes later has both ovaries removed, then with no mention of IVF (presumably because of the separate surrogacy story) she now wants to foster/adopt.... seems very odd, and she's a bit of an oddball character but I don't think she's so much portrayed as crazy for wanting them.. it's just been a weird storyline that didn't seem realistic to me.

I don't know, I think it's probably a shame there aren't enough positive role models but I think that as a general thing not just IVF wise...


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Hi Ladies, 

I would like to add to the 'Rules of Engagement' and 'FRIENDS'  story lines as the men werent mentioned:

Rules of Engagment - showed Audrey going through all the hormone treatment - looking into adoption and then surrogacy - its showed the difficult situation of watching another women carry your child and i like to think kept it quite realistic - Audrey struggled but at no point would i say she was portrayed as crazy.
Her DH - Jeff i also feel was portrayed realistically - his chrater is a 'mans man' does really show his feelings towards things ither than sports and food lol! in one episode he actually said he struggled to cope with the fact that he felt so helpless to actually do anything but throughout he eventually always stepped up tpo being supportive to Audrey.

FRIENDS - Monica and Chandler were diagnosed with both having IF so they knew natural conception really wasnt much of an option and were constantly supporting each other through it all. 
they briefing looked into surrogacy but Monica decided she would want a baby inside her that wasnt chandlers so they agrred to go through adoption.
they came extremely close to losing a chance of getting a baby when a mix-up with applications occurred and it was Chandler who came through and made their dream of finally having a baby come true.

other ones:

SPARTACUS - Lucretia was constantly trying to concieve and the story line around that was more about the stigma attached to a women who cant have a child - i know it was ancient Rome but in all honesty i think it is still partly relevant today - yes she did go crazy in the 3rd series but that was after a masaca at her home caused her finally concieved baby to be killed and nearly losing her own life - thats what made her crazy.

Sex and the City - Charlotte was trying to concieve for years andyes may have seemed a bit crazy at times but when you reflect on her normal character; her IF behaviour was no different. she had problems regarding support with her first DH but her second DH - Harry was amazing.
Charlotte had to deal with her BF having a baby, a miscarriage, a false adoption hope and all the time she kept going strong and found her perfect man to support her throughout.

I think any examples from soaps will always be over dramatised as that is the common theme of a soap - they take a realistic life event and turn it into the ridiculous for more ratings.

If i think of anymore ill post again


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## Raincloudsandlovesongs (Oct 5, 2013)

Thanks Haydan I forgot about Jeff and Chandler  In a recent ep he went a date with his lesbian surrogate as he was worried any 'activity' would harm his baby, so i suppose he struggled with it aswell.  

Thought of two more Corrie story lines there was Becky who kept having miscarriages tried adoption though she did try to 'buy' a baby  it was done in a sweet way, worried about the child's welfare. I think she became a step-mum in the end. Also Shaun a man had a baby through AI with his best friend violet so that was a case of a man wanting a baby.  Violet was more shown as negative in that story line though mainly for her attitude.

Will and Grace almost had a baby together through AI and i think and Will was the one who wanted it more and was disappointed when Grace backed out because she met Leo. So this was a case of a man wanting a baby. I don't think any of this was shown in a negative light more done to show modern familes are different than they use to be.  

Juno the Jennifer Garner character desperately wants a baby but seems warm and nurturing and like she would be a brilliant mother she ends up adopting Juno's baby and  they seem to live happily ever after. Her husband doesn't seem to want to adopt and the couple separate so i guess he is being portrayed as the typical immature man not ready to be a Dad.


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## Dixie chick (Sep 6, 2010)

I can also think of Rodney and Cassandra in Only Fools and Horses. I think in that case both wanted a baby but it was Cassandra who was the driving force behind their attempts. I think this is pretty typical. neither was shown as being crazy.

There was also a film called Maybe Baby with Hugh Laurie and Jolie Richardson. I saw it before ttc so it didnt strike a chord at the time, but I think it was pretty realistic. i.e. scheduling BD around basal temps, worrying that you havent done your bikini line when you go for scans etc. I think the woman went a bit crackers at one point, but that was because the man made their private ttc journey into a screenplay.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

drives me crazy when they portray all over-40's having IVF as being people who deliberately left it that late. It's just not true... they never explain that some over 40's have been trying 15 years already...


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Dixie chick said:


> There was also a film called Maybe Baby with Hugh Laurie and Jolie Richardson. I saw it before ttc so it didnt strike a chord at the time, but I think it was pretty realistic. i.e. scheduling BD around basal temps, worrying that you havent done your bikini line when you go for scans etc. I think the woman went a bit crackers at one point, but that was because the man made their private ttc journey into a screenplay.


Maybe Baby is based on the book Inconceivable by Ben Elton. If you've ever watched any of his stand up from years ago, he does a whole routine on sperm samples and has (I think) been through the process itself so the book is semi autobiographical. It's good to see someone with experience handle the topic sensitively but with humour. I would definitely recommend the book if you like the film. It does explain things better and the wife's (and husband's) actions are more rationalised.

(even; if you want to see replies to this click on "show new replies to my posts". If you want to purge that list, simply click "mark all as read" and next time you click it will show only the replies since you last purged it. It will show you replies form older threads too, but the newer replies will be at the top of the page so shouldn't be too hard to sort through. Alternatively, you can bookmark this thread by clicking the add bookmark button).


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

Hi, thanks everyone for posting, I don’t mind if the thread gets hijacked a bit.  I think it’s useful to build up a list of fictional representations, but how talk shows etc deal with it also influences how people think about it, so I’m interested in that too, because what prompted me to post is how I feel about it publicly.  What I mean is, in private, in my head, I feel bereft etc, but in front of other people I hardly talk about it which is partly cos it’s such a private thing to me, but it is also partly cos of the stigma attached to it.  I’m not particularly infertile, just single and 36 (so almost low fertility according to my fertility MOT).  The other reason I don’t talk about it much is the xxxxing stupid things people say, but that’s a whole thread in itself?!!?!  

What I’d like to see is a storyline in a soap where an established character, who’s really sensible etc and nice, starts to try and have children and then struggles, and only talks to a couple of trusted people about it (not in a hysterical way), and it goes on for years and shows the sacrifices that some of us have to go through.  Or something like that.  

I just don’t get any support from my family and feel like they need a xxxxing soap storyline to kick them up the bum.  I noticed the other day on here that there are powerpoint presentations you can show them etc but I don’t think they’re for me because I feel like if you need a powerpoint presentation to show you how to be my relative/friend, then you’re not worth having anyway.  Let’s hope I don’t so desperate that I have to change my mind about that.  DON’T get me wrong, I can imagine families where those presentations would be a perfect way of explaining it to your relatives but mine have already annoyed me/beaten me down so much that I don’t have enough good will left towards them to do that.  And now I’ve hijacked the thread with my own ranting, sorry everyone!

I think one of the things that hacks me off about my family is that they all know about it, but none of them ever ask me about it to see how I'm dealing with it 2 years down the line (or nearly 10 years if you count how long I've been trying to settle down etc).  My mum asks me about it sometimes but given her past it doesn't really come out well.

Caz thanks for the advice on managing my forums posting list thingy.
Good old FF, what would I do without you xxxx


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## Bumble Bus (Apr 23, 2013)

Hi Even,

I was home on Monday (storms!) and watched Loose Women while I was having my lunch.  There was a feature on National Infertility Awareness Week (which started on Monday).  Basically made glib comments throughout and made a joke of it and undermined anybody who might be struggling.  Talked about a guy with a low sperm count and made a big joke about how the couple ended up conceiving with the use of a sexy nightie.  So so insulting.  I've been fuming about it all week.  Then they turned all serious for 20 seconds at the end and say there's support for those who need it on the website.  They really shouldn't have bothered at all.  Grrrrr.

I think with programmes that are fictional (eg soaps, comedies) I can't imagine that they would ever really do a story about infertility or wanting a child that any of us would ever think was realistic or identify with.  The storylines just don't last long enough to reflect most of our experiences and I guess they think - rightly or wrongly - that the audience would lose interest.

The things that offend me more personally are the programmes that claim to be 'factual' and then get it so wrong.

I bet there are other groups (in addition to those of us struggling with wanting children/infertility) that also think they are portrayed wrongly/insensitively on tv and in the media, eg those with certain illnesses....

x


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Even

I normally hate reality shows but when I was off work after my second failed IVF I started watching an American programme called "Giuliana and Bill".  She is an entertainment tv presenter and I think he was one of the first winners of Donald Trump's Apprentice.  Anyways, they got together, got married and decided to do a reality programme about 'normal' celeb married/family life only to be hit unexpectedly with infertility.

So instead it became a reality programme about infertility and treatments.  I must admit to having cried my eyes out during the early programmes.  You watch them both go through IVF twice (I think from memory), one was a BFN and the other a mc.  There was the fun of injections and the drama of OHSS.  Then just when they start out another round of IVF she discovers she has breast cancer.  Ultimately, they ended up having a son through surrogacy and this season are talking baby number 2.

Whilst some of it is far removed from my experiences - they don't have the money worries for a start - it is a very honest account from both points of view.  Both of them talked about their desire for kids and she also talked about how she felt with babies and pregnancies of friends.  Obviously as producers on their own show, they had a great deal of say in how their story was presented.

I think it is on Sky's 'Style' channel, but would suggest it has to be watched from the early seasons (they are always showing reruns).

As said, I normally hate such shows but the show made a difference to me.  I didn't know about this forum then, but for the first time, here was someone going through the same things as me and expressing the same emotions and feelings - until then I had felt quite alone.

Turia x


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

turia that sounds really interesting, but like you say, if they're rich then it's quite far removed from a lot of people's experiences - i really doubt i can afford IVF for example

and to the person that posted before you, Loose Women, omg, I don't expect anything from that group of shallow idiots but what you've described sounds even worse than what I would expect.  That show makes me sick at the best of times.

must dash.
even xxxx


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

i can remember a few yrs ago emmerdale tackled viv and bob wanting children. she went for ivf.  and it only took 3 weeks to get appt, get accepted and get pregant with twins ........ if only!!!!

now emmerdale.are.running lesbian couple want a baby storyline. again, it has only taken 3 weeks for them to find sperm donor ie 1 of the womens ex husband (father of 2 kids), get round him and his partner to donate the sperm. no checks have been done, of course or counselling. and 1 week later the lesbian girlfriend.was.ovulating (not ex wife) so the ex husband has done the deed. i imagine next week will be the positive test! 

it really does.aggravate me. IF and all the solutions to IF are not that quick or simple to fix. why cant they for once give a more true account of the journey.  its certainly not one.for the fainthearted!!!!!!


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