# Bereavement in the middle of IVF cycle - advice please!



## MrsPootle (Sep 21, 2010)

Just in the middle of cycle #3 and, unfortunately my godmother passed away this week.  She was 93 and we were very close as she was my grandmother's best friend (and it was my grandmother who brought me up).  I'm in the final week of down-regging and feel a bit all over the place.
I have decided I can't go to the funeral as it's very likely to clash with my first scan, plus, it's a 3 hour journey one way.  I've kinda accepted this, but I feel really tearful and worried about coping.

I know the down-regging drugs won't be helping my mood, I just need some tips on how I deal with it.  Googling bereavement and IVF isn't much help, as it deal with the outcome of IVF and so isn't really what I want to focus on.  I know these things are really individual and my DH is being fabulously understanding.  I'm just worried that my emotional reaction is going to wreck our plans from the off.  I was feeling really positive up until I found this out yesterday.  I'm trying to just view it that there is another guardian angel up there now, and that this will, oddly be my lucky charm - I just can't stop thinking about how much I will miss her.

I could ring the IVF centre, but I'm not sure they would even know what to say to me...

Any tips or thoughts on this would be appreciated,

MrsP
x

P.S. I have been doing the Natal Hypnotherapy Pre-Transfer CD daily for relaxation and it was working wonders...


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## Zookeeper (Jun 3, 2011)

Hi Mrs Pootle,

So sorry to hear your sad news.  Remember you're going to be a "bit all over the place" anyway because of what you are going through (I blame the hormones!)  I think you should feel sad and have a cry when you need to (fighting the upset will only allow for a bigger explosion later).  Remember that IVF is stressful anyway and despite what people say (about keeping calm etc) we are only human and are going to feel anxious, despairing, sad etc during this journey.

Lastly I think your Godmother would have wanted you to be happy and don't forget that you are having treatment to fulfil your greatest desire. She would have understood and supported you on your journey (and quite right she'll be looking down and crossing everything for you I'm sure!)

lots of love

Z x


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## Scoobydo (May 1, 2011)

Hi Mrs Pootle,

This must be a very hard time for you.  Its bad enough having all the stress, emotions and feelings of going through a cycle without a bereavement of someone close and special to you.  

I agree with Zookeeper's post saying that your God mother would have understood.  I'm sure she will be keeping an eye on you and may well be your lucky charm!  It is good to let your feelings out and be sad and also think about all the good times you had. 

I really wish you all the very best of luck and hope you will be successful.  
Lots of love
Lisa xx


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## MrsPootle (Sep 21, 2010)

Thanks Liza71 and Zookeeper - it means a lot to hear your comforting words.

I've been very up and down - one minute I think I'm fine and dealing with it, the next I can't 'get a grip'!  Today is the latter.  I'm working from home and everything seems pointless and tasks (home and work) just seem to be mounting up, up, up!  Just in one of the horrible states where you can't get your mind back on the chilled and relaxed track.

Anyway, have decided to accept today is an off day (you don't know what a difference writing that down makes) and a day to be kind to myself, and cry if I want to, and just don't expect too much.  I've tried getting some sleep because I thought I was tired - but the reality (doh!) is that I'm on a load of drugs, bereaved and just all over the place because of that.  I feel I need to hit the off button today - perhaps some telly and a nice warm bath.  I have started stimming yesterday, and oddly I feel worse!!  All my other cycles have been the opposite.  Ah well, one day at a time.

Thanks for your help,
Love
Mrs P
xx


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## Scoobydo (May 1, 2011)

Hello Mrs Pootle,

Sorry to hear you are having one of those horrible days  

You are absolutely right to have a bit of time out and at the end of the day does it matter is some things are not done?  Usually not!
I think writing it down and getting it off your chest is really empowering.  As you say just try to take one day at a time.  You will get there!
You never know this cycle may be different for all the right reasons!  

Take care and let us know how you are doing  

Lots of love
Lisa xxx


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

So sorry to hear about your loss. I suffered one last year (my mum) and it is hard. In terms of IVF just think what your lost loved one would say. I didn't know yours of course but I know mine would have told me to get on with the IVF and put that first, all my one wanted was to see me a mummy and imagine yours felt the same. Someone bought me a little bracelet with an angel charm, I take it to all apppointments know to remind me I'm still going for it for her as well as me.

As for not attending the funeral, sweets I reckon she'd say that's totally fine it's just laying to rest my shell. If on that day and indeed forever more, when you're in having a scan that's her popping by to say "I'm here girl you get on with it" and I bet she was so proud of you and how brave you are going through all of this.

Some days it's OK to feel sad and down and equally some days it's fine to think I have to put me first.

Good luck wit your treatment x


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## MrsPootle (Sep 21, 2010)

Thanks everyone.

I'm feeling a bit better now.  In the end I walked down to the river near work on the day of the funeral, at the time it was taking place.  It is largely quiet, there was no-one about so I was able to talk aloud (like a looney!! but it helped!) and say my goodbyes.  I also wrote a long letter to my godmother's daughter last weekend with some personal memories - this has helped me accept things.

I seem to be having a hard time on the stimming - slower response and tomorrow should find out what day EC is going to be.  Hopefully it will be okay - I didn't have anything on Friday over 16mm and I need at least 1 over 18mm for them to go ahead.  

But, oddly, I'm feeling positive - just hope it stays that way!

Thanks again for your posts - they really have helped,

Love
MrsP
xx


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## Scoobydo (May 1, 2011)

Hi Mrs P,

Wishing you all the very best for tomorrow and hope those follicles have grown enough for you.   
Mine took a long time on the last cycle I did and then all of a sudden grew.

Take care,

Lisa xxx


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## MrsPootle (Sep 21, 2010)

Thanks Lisa - I now seem to have a varied crop - 3 @ 20mm+ and the rest (about 9-10?) between 8-15mm.  Madness!  But I'm just concentrating on this being (bizarrely) the crop I need - after all - my 'uniformly distributed' crops didn't back a winner did they??    

You have to laugh otherwise craziness sets in.


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## Scoobydo (May 1, 2011)

Do you know what Mrs P, you need a big sense of humour and patience with the whole process!!  

Just try to keep thinking that you only need one good one!  

Take care.

Lisa xxx


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