# new member - older mom



## swallow (Feb 11, 2010)

Hi,

I just joined FF and wanted to introduce myself. I'm swallow. I'm turning 39 years old in April (panic!). DH and I had been TTC since September 2008 (I know, not very long comparing to a lot of people here). Fell pregnant in April 2009 but M/C at 13 weeks (completely devastated...). Have been TTC ever since.

The thought of myself turning 39 makes me panic. We decided to do some investigation and see a specialist, therefore I'm on my research project of which clinic to go to. Came across this forum while doing my research. It's wonderful to see so many members here providing experience and tips in this fertility treatments jungle!

I feel not qualified to call ourselves infertile (as we haven't suffered as long as most other people here). However, because of my age, I'm so scared that we will not fall pregnant again or we will have more m/c. It makes me really anxious. Are there people having similar experience here?


----------



## Juicy (Jan 23, 2008)

Hi Swallow, welcome!

er well firstly, less of the 'older mother' at current age 38 please   
secondly, I'm so very sorry for your loss, of course you were devastated  .  please don't feel that you need to have some sort of badge of infertility to be an FF, everyone at any stage of their TTC journey has something to contribute and something to gain from being a member 
thirdly, you are doing the right thing being proactive in case there is a problem - forewarned is forearmed etc BUT I really hope that you are one of those couples who find that as soon as they have an appt to see a specialist, a BFP pops up  
In the event that you do seek treatment, you will find so much support and information on FF, that it really does improve your chances of treatment working!

best of luck xxx


----------



## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Swallow and welcome to Fertility Friends 

   I am so sorry to read of your loss Swallow  Have you received any counselling to help you? There are 2 helpful links i can give you if you feel ready to have a look? The first one is within our own site here ... 
*Pregnancy loss ~ *CLICK HERE You'll be able to talk with other ladies who have experienced similar to yourself, and post messages to/about your little angel  The second link is the www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/index.htm
I hope they can both comfort you in some way 

Have you had any prelimanary blood tests done as yet? Ie, cycle day 3 and 21  There are basic blood tests which are carried out at your GP's. Has hubby carried out a sample? Sorry for all of the Questions, just hope i can help with some links a bit later as well as others which i'll leave below 

Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ * CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*What can improve egg quality and quantity ~ * CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*   CLICK HERE

*Clinic Reviews ~ * CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


----------



## swallow (Feb 11, 2010)

Hi Celi and Juicy,

Thanks very much for your warm welcome and the hugs  and the positive thinking and the encouragement etc etc!

I have to say, this is probably the most lonely life journey I have ever taken so far. To start with, I can't really tell a lot of friends (too private). Those who know, some just keep silent, some say well-meaning things that make me feel worse. Family is not very useful either. When I fell pregnant last time after 8 months of trying, the due date was at the end of December. One of my mother's first comments was: oh... you didn't calculate the date so that you can have your baby in spring or summer when the weather is warm.  

No, we haven't done any investigation or test so far. Our NHS GP was not sympathetic (she said: come back if nothing happens after one year). So we are doing these tests privately. I called CRGH and Lister. Both of them want an initial consultation before they do any tests on us, but the waiting time to the initial consultation are 3 weeks at best. So I'm thinking to get DH to do SA in Bridge, just to get it done and get a result. I assume SA is pretty standard, is that right?

As for me, I don't know what's the best to do to be honest. Maybe just get an initial consultation appointment and be patient?


----------



## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Hey Swallow

So sorry to hear of your miscarriage last year, it is a horrendous thing to go through.  

Good luck in getting seen VERY quickly.  I'd go back to your doctor - over the age of 35, you should abe referred to a consultant after only 6 months of trying - I am sure that they ahve guidelines to that effect.

You aren't old compared to MANY of the women on this thread by the way.  I am 42 and have an eight month old baby - and I think I am one of the younger women on the donor threads!

Just wanted to recommend that you have a read of one of Zita West's books - either her Guide to Getting PRegnant, or her book Fertility and Conception - either are usually available at a local library ( you may have to order them).  She goes through all the investigations you could have done, makes a lot of suggestions for helping you and yoru partner improve your fertility and generally helps you take charge in a situation that generally makes us feel more than a little helpless.  Oh, and she also describes the sort of things you need to look out for in a sperm analysis.  By the way, if you go to a clinic for a consultation, they may insist on doing a sperm analysis anyway, but it is wise to get a full sperm analysis because most clinics don't do full sperm analysis.  They are good books to read whilst you are waiting for an appointment.

Also, you may well find that if you go on a cancellation waiting list that you get an earlier apopintment (if you and your partner are able to be pretty flexible).

All the  very best of luck - my fingers are crossed for you.

xxx


----------



## Lulu40 (Nov 20, 2009)

I'd say go back to your GP as well and point out that you have already been TTC for over a year.

Insist on a referral.  If you're nearly 39, then you should be aware that some NHS facilities have a cut off point, and the age varies.  By the time the referral comes through and you get an appointment, then you might be very near the cut off point, if it's 40, and so if you don't ask and insist now, you might be too old for NHS treatment at your local clinic.


----------



## swallow (Feb 11, 2010)

All,

went back to the NHS GP and had got lucky this time!

I made an appointment on the Day 3 of my cycle. Told the GP I want a blood test before my consultant appointment a week later. I did tell him that we've TTC for 2 years with one MC in June. He was not only happy to do the blood test for me (FSH & LH), but also happy to arrange any other tests the consultant will suggest as long as it's provided under NHS. Hopefully, that will save us a few hundred pounds!  

Thanks for all your encouragement!

Swallow


----------



## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Fab news swallow!  x


----------



## Lulu40 (Nov 20, 2009)

Good news!  

Keep on top of the appointments, pushing them through, making sure you're on waiting lists (don't want to worry you, but sometimes the letters get lost or sent to the wrong clinic, it happened to me with a wrist problem, the administrators are only human, too).  Also, if you are on a waiting list, keep checking with them to see if there are any cancellations.

Be proactive.  Don't just sit back and wait for it all to happen.


----------

