# ickle rant



## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

We have officailly been doing this adoption journey 1 year 0 months 2 days. this is an important journey for us and im feeling a little deflated. My cousin who is like a sister to me has 2 amazing kids (our niece and nephew) they are what i call textbook children. Have lots of fruit and veg only water no pop , have a bedtime routine go straight to bed ect. They are amazing kids.  My cousin has talked her husband in to having one more baby. He wasnt keen on the idea as 2 years ago she miscarried and she suffers really bad drpression so he doesnt want her going through that again.well she has fallen pregnant and everything now is makimg sure she is ok. I feel that our journey is no longer important to them. All sh keeps saying is im pregnant and your child will be here before mine and older. REALLY!!!!!!  She has 2 perfect kids who i would die for yet she has been so consumed in having an other . Dont even know why im getting worked up and yet writing this stil has my blood boil . Guess im just tired at the moment


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Just respond with something like yes they will exciting isn't it. It's so wonderful how we can support each other on our different journeys to parenthood.  Also if people cite not having done pregnancy I intend on telling them how I bore my soul on hs, opened my home and life to interrogation and criticism from sw after sw. Have had to cope with sleepless nights due to stress, dealt with months of uncertainty and fought with every ounce of my being to be certified worthy to parent my children.  My sacrifice may not physically show to others but it is massive and real. I just see my future children as such a blessing I choose never to complain about it.  Good luck hun don't let others class your journey as insignificant because they choose to be ignorant to what we do x x x


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Very well said Diva, I will be using some of those examples myself. 12 hours of labour is nothing compared to 12 months in the adoption process!! 

Sass, I feel your pain. We have been matched with a little boy who will be just 5 months younger than our nephew (his cousin) finding the milestone comparisons and the competitive feel of it, really hard already. Don't you just love family   

X


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I got annoyed with it too. I get a bit mean now and say -we I didn't have to endure labour, don't have stretch marks and my boobs are still naturally perky!
The thing that's bugged me recently is when people try to tell me how to parent. My general come back is:
'Well 3 SWs and a panel of 10 professions, including an Ofsted Inspector, decided I was fit to be a parent. Then 10 more decided I'd be the best mum in the world for my little boy. I think I can manage.'


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## babybiggles73 (Feb 15, 2010)

Arrows I love your answer


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Thanks Arrows, Ive just read your post and looked down at my chest, Im suddenly feeling very perky! 
You have certainly cheered up my Monday morning


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Arrows said:


> 'Well 3 SWs and a panel of 10 professions, including an Ofsted Inspector, decided I was fit to be a parent. Then 10 more decided I'd be the best mum in the world for my little boy. I think I can manage.'





kayla- jade said:


> failed IVF/ ICSI and other forms of fertility hell, followed by the adoption process = Childbirth times *1 MILLION*  !!!!


Brilliant comebacks.


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

During my fertility journey, somewhen told me i had no idea how painful a caesarian was & someone else said the same about labour pains. Well at that point i had had 3 operations, all with the same incision hip to hip as a caesarian due to burst cysts and a chronic infection that nearly killed me, for which i had to have the entire lining of my pelvis removed and made me loose my ovaries, I had also had a miscarriage which left me in labour.....I just laughed in their face and told them I did know the pain but just not the joy of a baby afterwards! That shut them up.

Then lately someone said i was lucky because i didn't have to do a baby's first nappy!!! I have to admit I lost control slightly and told them that if he thought that was in anyway comparable to 3 operations, nearly £40k spent on IVF treatment and a miscarriage followed by depression and subsequent counselling then 14 months of assessment, mountains of repetitive paperwork and all in all the most stressful 7 years of my life then he wasn't mature enough to be a parent himself. Whoops, maybe slightly over the top but he did apologise for speaking without thinking


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Ah sass that's really tedious.  
Our experience was similar but once littley actually arrived (and was therefore real to my folks) there has been all the excitement and happiness I hoped for - albeit some disrespect (that we ignored/addressed as need be) for our lockdown/settling in/attaching to us period early on. 
I so hope you also get to enjoy a lot of fuss and pleasure when the time comes. Maybe you might manage to lower your expectations (most of the time  ) for now - no one understands the adoption process and everyone understands pregnancy so i don't believe people will ever be as excited about 'expecting' via adoption. - that's the way it is. 
Btw - have no words for what your cousin said to you about yours being here first and older - so what?? What's she even suggesting? Pah. Maybe your relationship can absorb a tiny subtle bit of distance so she has less chance to annoy you. Your feelings are totally valid. 
Best 
Gettina


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

My response to people who think that adopting and escaping childbirth is the "easy option" is always the same and or comments that I was "lucky" in getting to choose the gender of my first child.

Go ahead, apply to adopt.  Fertility does not preclude you from adopting.

How is getting an older child meant to be a good thing?  Yes, an adopted child will probably be older.  An adopted child will also almost certainly have been exposed to nicotine and alcohol during pregnancy, and quite likely some level of drug abuse.  If the child wasn't removed at birth from the biological mother then your child will also almost certainly have been neglected, is likely to have witnessed some domestic violence if the biological parents live together, and may have been abused.  The child will also have suffered the massive trauma of at least one move, possibly more.  How can anyone be so completely self-absorbed as to not realise that having a normal pregnancy and probable healthy new born baby, albeit a bit later than they'd hoped for, is the much easier option.

I would be inclined to gently point this out.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Oh I sooooo hate the one of two reactions awful I have had to our adopting news 'poor you that's so sad' or 'lucky you taking the easy option' oh and someone said to me 'what a strange thing to do but well done'

Thankfully I have had loads of wonderful reactions but some people could do with looking further than the end of their nose!!!


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

the 'aren't you good? your little boy is so lucky' comments kind of grate a bit too. i appreciate people are just being nice, but its far from accurate. i'm not good, i'm infertile. had i got pregnant i wouldn't have adopted. and my boy is not exactly lucky to have the start he did.


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

We come from a slightly different angle as we can have biological children but are adopting rather than having biological children. So I think people struggle to understand why. I am surprised at how narrow minded people are regarding adoption!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

'You're so brave'   No not really, I wanted to be a Mummy and treatment didn't work, so you could actually say I'm very selfish. It was to fulfill my maternal instinct rather than save the world


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

You ladies have cheered me right up:0)


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