# Considering time off work/quitting whilst ttc



## Sunshinetats (Aug 5, 2013)

Evening all

I wondered whether anyone else would consider taking some time off work or quitting whilst ttc or have you done this?

We are one year in - about to undergo laparoscopy and the other oscopy (the name I forget). 

Work is beyond stressful in a male dominated large city firm. Quite simply had enough. Would have left a year ago but always hoping that positive pregnancy test was round the corner. 

Is my stress and work anxiety having a negative impact of my fertility? Will taking some time out just add more pressure to conceive esp if I have to go back to work not pregnant. 

I really want to stop this vicious circle that I find myself in. I have even found myself not wanting to socialise that much having told most of my friends a year ago that we were trying for a baby. I had no idea that fertility would be an issue - am from a massive family and my siblings only had to look at their partners to get them pregnant. Most of my friends have got pregnant and I know they must find it hard to talk to me about it and my situation but its all just weird and not like it use to be. I find it preferable to just stay away. However, socialising is of course good for us so what to do....

Partner very supportive but he is a guy and no matter how supportive they are, I don't think they have any idea what goes through our heads. He is amazing but he doesn't know what stage I am at in my cycle and why I would feel high or low at any given time. It's just not on his mind 24/7. Lucky lucky him. 

I have been throwing myself into exercise and in particular, yoga which is helping but it's a rollercoaster of emotions that's taking its toll on me

I quite fancy a couple of months off - yoga retreat, get out on my bike , relax and see how things go. Maybe more view it as getting back to myself before trying again. I just don't know....

Anyone...? xx


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## DE43 (Jun 12, 2012)

I think if you can afford it do it.  I've worked the TWW and I've taken it off.  I don't think either guarantees success but it is good to be relaxed and have PMA. Think it depends on your job and yours sounds like there's not much slack so I'd take the break if I could.  Good luck x


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi Sunshinetats   

I have gone self employed, as the stress of corporate life was not helping and I had had enough. 

It's great, I feel more in control of things as I have more time to eat well, yoga, chill, see people I love, be creative! ..... but I do need to be wary of isolation when not so busy with clients, as not being in an office plus being, like you, often tempted to stay away from some socialising, can mean that i can miss the people part of a "normal" job - so  definitely important to have other things going on that have social element, as well as some mini projects so that i am achieving things and don't feel lost, and a little bit less tempted to get obsessed. 

If you are in a city firm, maybe you get a sabbatical? is that a possibility? and see how you go? Failing that, I recently had a 3 week holiday and that really did do wanders for us both. I am a big fan of listening to what you need. Work is a good distraction, but for me if it is no fun anymore, then it's not helping, and we need to be kind to ourselves right now 

Lots of luck let us know what you decide. xx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Im reading this to mean you are thinking of stopping work completely in order to do IVF or continue normal ttc? 

We started ttc 5 years ago. After a year of trying I went to the GP and then everything went off like a rollercoaster with different gynie problems being found and "dealt" with (I use the term loosely, my endo and pcos is nev going to be dealt with). It was only last year that we were able to start ivf.

What I'm trying to say is that you could stop work and dedicate your life to clean living with the purpose of getting a BFP, but it might not happen like that and how would you feel? I know a lot of people say that mind and spirit affects peoples chance of getting PG, but in reality for a lot of people it's just luck: also, male related IF is very prevalent. If women only got pregnant when they were calm and healthy then no woman in any war torn country would ever get pregnant.

I think if you want a change of career then I can completely understand, I used to have a super stressful 70+ hour pw job and I am so much happier in many ways in my much more relaxed 37h pw job. But I think you should be very careful to do it purely to try and get pregnant, especially at this stage when you haven't had anything diagnosed.

If you can afford to change jobs, take a career break, or cut your hours, then do it, but do it for the right reasons. I never thought I would still be here childless 5 years in, but we never know what's going to happen xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

don't quit altogether.... it will probably put more pressure on you than you expect...but do start finding another job, you need a change of scene. i stayed in a terrible job 8 years always thinking 'i'll be leaving to have a baby in 6 months so i had better stay or i won't get mat. pay'.. eight years! there won't ever be a good time... if you are unhappy now do something about it. But make sustainable changes that are flexible and leave options open.... think long term.... i ended up crashing out of the work system i haven't worked for years now... am now pregnant... but concerned by my non-existent social life and trying to work out how i can possibly ever get back into a job... i don't want to be standing in a shop at 70, but i won't be able to afford to retire totally either...if i had maintained some working presence things would be easier....

good luck with your treatment. but try not to let it take over your life...it gets lonely..


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

by the way it was starting ivf that got me pregnant, not stopping work!


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## Tito (May 2, 2011)

Hi there i just had my BFN on Monday and resigned on Tuesday i feel like this has been my most stressful cycle ever all because my bosses were not understanding at all. I felt so violeted and our trust was broken they managed o break the code by calling my fertility clinic for information which really upset me. I cant wait to officially leave and start cycling again but already i feel a whole lot better by my decision and feel my next cycle will be much better as I wont be stressed. For me if i can have my long wanted baby money is not important as long as we r comfortable.

I agree with Cloudy have a plan as sometimes it may take longer than you think as IVF is not always text book. Do what you feel is right if you feel work will be stressful leaving might be the best option like i have learnt but i have a career to fall back on.   What ever u decide.


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## Sunshinetats (Aug 5, 2013)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. Clearly am the new girl round here as there are so many acronyms I don't understand but I certainly get the gist of everyone's comments. 

DE43 - There is certainly no slack at my job although, it's less about the volume of hours I put in and more about the types I work with. All males and mostly aged 50 plus white middle class sexist chaps! Just makes work very unpleasant. I guess only I know what's right to do hey. Sending you lots of positive thoughts for your future. 

Yogabunny - your three week break sounds divine. Glad it gave you a well needed boost. Also glad you are more in control now you are self employed. Wish I had a job that allowed for something similar. I do have a small scale project that brings in some cash so I wouldn't be walking away from everything. I think I will wait for my apt at the end of Feb which should be informative about my situation and maybe I will know what I am facing. Although, by the sounds of everyone's post, anything can or can't happen. Wishing you all the best. 

Cloudy - no, I would prefer not to give up work completely. Although, that is an option. I was thinking the preferred option would be to ask for a couple of months off to allow me to deal with a medical issue. My concern with this is that it would be quite painful to take a couple of months off with the sole purpose to conceive and possibly have to go back to work not pregnant. Then again, maybe my head will be in a better place. 

I completely agree with most of the things you say. If only we had a crystal ball ey. I wish you all the luck in the world. 

Goldbunny - I can understand how 8 years passes because when you are trying to conceive, you are always always in a particular part of the cycle and round the corner from a different bit so month after month trickles past with you almost paralysed by your attempts. So so pleased to hear you are now pregnant. 

Tito - Do what you feel is right. Good advice. That's exactly what I am gong to do. I just have to work out if the fertility issue is making work unbearable or if work is making this all unbearable. Follow your head or is it heart! . Keep at it Tito - I wish you nothing but good fortune with your fertility efforts. xx


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