# Hello and an update



## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Hi guys , just thought I would update you . As you know we had the intros stopped with LO , to say we are devastated is an understatement , it's been so so hard , we miss LO so much and can't believe that she won't be with us . 
We have had all the FC notes from the intros and it looks like she did a real number on us , so many eggagerations and a good few downright lies . We are in the process of writing a letter to highlight these lies etc as we have texts etc to contradict what has been said . We have been told their is no route to appeal and all the info has to go before our approval panel , so we may lose our approved status . I'm trying to not even think about that at the moment . 
I return to work on Monday , we are trying as much as possible to get on with our lives and be hopeful that our LO is still out there . We don't know what we can do if our LA revokes  out approved status , can we try privately or with a different agency ?


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Hi Smudgey, I didn't want to read and run. I feel devastated for you. Such an awful state of affairs made a whole lot worse with the lies & exaggerations. I hope your agency see things for what they are and give you time to get over this blow before helping you continue to find your LO. Sending you good wishes and luck x


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

I feel so sorry for you with this situation, Smudgey! From your original thread, it sounds like most people have similar doubts and fears during intros. The fact you were so honest and sought help should be applauded, but it sounds like quite the opposite. 

I'm sure it won't happen, but if they do un-approve you, I would definitely apply through a voluntary agency. You'll have the opportunity to tell them everything (keep those texts) and after re-approval, you can ask them not to link you with anyone from that LA. 

Hope you're okayish xx


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

My heart goes out to you Smudgey   I have no words of wisdom or experience but perhaps Adoption UK may be able to offer you some advice. One thing I would suggest re the FC report - take every single sentence, really analysis it and provide your own account/evidence like the text messages to support your argument so quite factual. Then I would write a afew paragraphs or pages which are really from my heart & emotions & why adoption & why this LO is your life.

I'm sure by the end if the day you'll have lots of advice which will help you as we are all supporting you so much xx


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

I agree with Lizard, great idea to get all your thoughts/feelings/evidence down in writing.
There was a time during my HS where a concern over something in my childhood came up. I think, in hindsight, my SW was just testing to see how I'd react, though at the time it seemed as though they could drop us because of it! I wrote a mini-essay explaining how I'd overcome this thing and was stronger because of it. I also provided as much evidence as I could, including additional references. Parts of it were then included in my PAR. I don't know for sure whether I'd have been approved without it, but it definitely didn't hurt including it  Wishing you all the best in this Smudgey! xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Smudgey - some great advice re getting your pov across to your agency and your SW should still be supporting you.
Can you go through the IRM process if need be?

Disney - I'm not sure this is helpful. Whilst the FC hadn't been factual there could be a lot if good reasons why they have said things and with a very obvious bias. Most FCs are fab and put their Los at their heart. Some can get over involved which you can understand how they might have real fears about a LO who in their eyes us about to go through a disruption. If disruption after they leave that FC then is uncommon for the LO to return to the same FC.

We don't know all the facts or if FC had misgivings prior go intros that SWs weren't listening to - there have been FCs who've been told to say nothing to adopters if other issues by SWs for instance. 

Smudgey - I still think you were very brave to voice your concerns and really hope things turn around for you that you can continue in your journey as adoptive parents. X


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

We are not at the position of meeting or having any dealings with a foster carer yet but it doesseem that some are not very helpful. Is this a common problem? x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hugs I would also advise getting some independent advice perhaps from adoption uk or a similar organisation.  Good luck hun x x


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## Hunibunni (Jan 18, 2009)

Following on from what DIYDiva suggests, I would also try BAAF.  I rang them with a question and they were really lovely and helpful.  I got the number from the website.

I really hope you get things sorted and you are given an opportunity of putting your side of the story.  

xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi Smudgey,

I'm so, so sorry for all the c**p you have had to deal with, it must be devastating to be in your position and I hope you get through this horrible situation as quickly as possible.

I just wanted to add that although there isn't an appeal proces for this stage, surely there is some sort of grievance which could be started - you need to make a formal complaint to their SW team.
Perhaps contacting your MP might give some higher-level push on your case.

Good luck,

Paul x


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Big hugs smudgey. Some great advice on here.  Look after yourselves and look forward to hearing some positive news for you very soon


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