# Hi I am new!!!



## Aunty_drew

Hello ladies

After reading your lovely posts for a few weeks, have finally decided to get my courage together and create a post.  This website is the friendliest I have come across!  

I am Drew - turning 30 this year.  Got married four years ago and tried to get pregnant straight away.  After a year of `nothing', doctor put me on numerous cycles of Clomid, was on maximum dosage and didn't even produce a single follicle.

Then I started on injections - terrible stuff.  I didn't respond too well and starting to bleed profusely at Day 12.  Was devastated.  Laproscopy reviewed that I have Stage III Endo, one tube blocked, the ovary on the same side is glued to my bowel wall.  Spots of endometria on the pelvis.  My right ovary is in good condition but for some reason I hardly ovulate on my own without using FSH drugs.  So far I have had three laps already for a general `clean up' before a stimulated cycle.

Been through a few FETs and a fresh IVF - all failed.    I had good embies (grades I and II) but for some reason they just won't implant. The last FET cycle everything was fine (hormones-wise) but my embies did't survive the thawing.  I was devastated and didnt' want to live.  Fortunately I pulled myself together and now - after recovering from another lap I am on Day 6 of a fresh cycle.

Thanks ladies for reading - I enjoy reading your posts because you are so friendly and informative.  All the best to those who are trying to conceive!    

Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

Welcome to FF.  I'm also starting my 2nd fresh ivf next week.  We may end up on the 2ww together  .

I'm sorry you have nt had much luck with your previous txs but it's good to hear you have good quality embryos.  Fingers crossed that this will be the one  .

love and luck

Becca
x


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## tanny

hi drew, just wanted to welcome you to ff & wish you the best of luck with this cycle.
take care - t x
& to you becca, my last (& 1st) cycle was about the same time as yours, we're thinking of trying again soon - wishing you all the very best!
cheers - t x


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## Pilchardcat

Dear Drew

Wow !!! You've really been through it !  Welcome to Fertility Friends, glad you found us.

Just wanted to wish you all the best for this new fresh cycle....wishing you loads of luck and babydust 

Best wishes
Amanda xxx


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## Aunty_drew

Hello ladies,

You won't believe how happy I am to read your response this morning)   .  Today is Day 7 of my fresh cycle and I woke up early in the morning feeling my ovaries are going to explode.  I am on 150mg of Gonal injections currently.  Tomorrow will be going for first blood tests.  

Thanks so much ladies for telling me about yourselves.  And Becca I am glad to have you to sympathise with during the horrible 2ww!!!  This time I am going to take things easy (not think about it too much).  But I am really scared.  

Amanda can I ask you how bad is your Endo?  I know of heaps of ladies who have severe endo and went on to have successful pregnancies.  My doctor is asking me nicely to have my infected ovary removed.  But I don't want to because I think I am still too young for that - but at the same time I don't know what harm it is doing to me  .  

Thanks for all your encouragement!  I LUUUURVE this website.  

Drew


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## Martha Moo

Hiya Aunty_Drew

Just wanted to offer you a warm welcome to fertility friends

So glad that you found us.

I am sorry ur previous tx havent been successful but hoping that this fresh cycle will end with the BFP that you so desire and are entitled to.

I had my ovary and tube removed due to the endo, if you would like to chat things over with thoughts feelings etc i am more than happy to, either send me an im or send me an email or add me to msn if you have it.

I can often be found in the chat room also lol

bit of a chat aholic lol

       

ps i have stage 4 endo dx oct 2001 and pcos dx 94


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## Reb

Hi Drew

Both my ovaries and tubes are affected by endo with enometrinomas.  My consultant wanted to removed my right  ovary last yr during a lap but could nt due to adhesions.  I am now glad that he did nt as I only produced 4 eggs and 3 were from that ovary  .  The clinic are happy to leave well alone.

I look foreward to joining you soon  

Love

Becca
x


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,

It's interesting that you said that the majority of the eggs produced are from your `bad' ovary.  Me too!  I don't know what are the reasons behind it, but for me my last fresh cycle I had better response from the `bad' ovary than from the `good' ovary.  I had something like 4 from bad and 2 from good.  That is one of the reasons why I am reluctant to remove my left ovary because it is still producing useful eggs.    

My doctor explained to me that if I remove the bad ovary, the good ovary will cope with the egg production and respond accordingly.  But there is always a chance that this won't happen - don't know?  I am going to live through this fresh cycle and see what happens.  

Good luck!!!!!!

Cheers,
Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

I dont blame you for hanging on the both ovaries if they dont bother you.  Is it the fertility clinic who are suggesting it should be removed?  I seem to remember my consultant saying that the other ovary would make up for the loss of the other.  I'm still not keen to have it removed though because the 'good' one is also damaged by endo and is stuck in a high position making ec difficult.  The fertility clinic is also not keen for me to have the ovary removed, which is fine by me  .  

I see that a lot of girls on this thread have had several laps/laser tx to clean up.  I'm a bit miffed that when my consultant did the lap last year, he did this to diagnose me and nothing else.  Oh well.

Ohh I've been giving this site some welly in the last few days!  I'm going for some acupucture on Tue and due to start tx on Fri - yipee.  I'm all excited.

I was a bit naughty last night, went out and had a few Bacardi's.  It was a one off as I rarely drink now.  Did nt get drunk though.

Did you see that Alison Jane got a   yesterday.

Good luck with your blood test, it sounds like the stims are working nicely.

love

Becca
x


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,

Unfortunately for me this cycle is another `cancelled' one. 

I am currently Day 10 into my cycle, but was officially cancelled yesterday.

Went for my Day 8 blood test - and was told that my E2 was 1800.  I thought 1800 on Day 8 wasn't too bad!!  The nurse said it is too high, and my doctor said he may need to cancel my cycle. 

I had to do a Day 9 blood test and ultrasound.  Ultrasound revealed that I had 40+ eggs, each at various stages of maturity (ranges from very small, to 12mm to 18mm).  Day 9 blood test revealed my E2 levels were sky rocketed to 28,000!!!  My cycle was offically cancelled yesterday.

I found out later on that the nurse made a mistake about my Day 8 blood results - it was actually 18,000 not 1,800!!!!

I am more worried about the 3cm endometrioma they found on my bad ovary - does anybody has a similar experience?  

I am sad because I have so many cancelled cycles already.  The clinic don't seem to be able to get my FSH dosage correct.  I am either under-stimulated or over-stimulated.  

Good luck to the other ladies who are undergoing a fresh cycle!!!

Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,

Thanks for your response - it was very soothing and positive.  I really appreciate it!    

Yeah all my transfers/IVFs/FET cycles are carried out in this clinic.  The thing I am angry about is the fact that this is not the first time I was overstimulated.  Once I was so over stimulated that I bled on Day 11/12 (full blown period).  But that was forgivable because that was my first injection cycle and they were just testing the waters.  But then I had a second cycle with Puregon and ended up with 25+ eggs - but too immature to be collected.  Sometimes I question if it is me or is it the clinic's fault.

Well this is the first time I know I can `make' endometriomas.  All I had been told was it was a blood filled cyst - but wasn't told if it was a threat to my future cycles.  If I was lucky enough to get to ec, the doctor will definitely drain it for me because that's what he did to a friend of mine.  

I am just worried that I keep having to repeat cycles and continue pumping myself with all these fertility drugs, my endometriosis is getting worse and worse.

Unfortunately the clinic I am going to at the moment is one of two clinics available at where I live.    This is considered to be the better clinic because lots of the women go there.  But the downfall is sometimes I feel I am just another number because they are just so busy looking after everybody.  Waiting for a blood test is often 1 hour+ because they are just so busy!!!

Thanks Becca - it was really good to hear from you this morning!

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Oh Becca,

Sorry I got so carried away with my own story I forgot to talk to you about yours:

I have tried Acupunture before  (mainly for hormonal balance - but I know of a few ladies who does it just before they go in for a transfer).  I must say the experience wasn't too pleasant.  It hurt a bit because I was so nervous, and I kept moving around (trying to adjust myself to make myself more comfortable).  I have been told it works wonders for hormonal balance and `calming' of the uterus prior to embryo transfer - but I never went back again.  I am trying to talk myself around it and maybe find another clinic who is a little bit `gentler'.  

Pls let me know how it all goes!  

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,  

You are right - sometimes I just feel that the clinic is not paying enough attention to me (in terms of monitoring and accessing me).  Unfortunately medical insurance rules have changed for us recently, which means we no longer have the option of a refund if things don't work out.  So it is a flat fee for everybody.  It really adds on the pressure financially and emotionally. Really frustrating.  

And you know the worst thing about me - I have LONG gaps between periods.  Sometimes it is 80+ days - which means I cannot afford to have too many screw ups because I have less time as compared to other women.

Also I worry about my ovarian reserve - I have so many screw ups that I worry about the wasted eggs produced as a result of the stimulations.  This time probably 40+ or 50+ eggs showed up - last time it was 25+,  and god knows how many I have wasted while they are trial and erroring me!!!!

Ouch you went for acupunture.  Did you ask the acupunturist what pressure points he used?  For my session - I didn't need to strip off.  I had my bra on and jeans on - and I was allowed to cover up my top half with a towel - which is easy because I was lying on my back.  The pressure points used were the top of my head, forehead, three points on both my arms, on my hands and three other points on my leg and feet.  He didn't go anywhere near my torsel.  But I think it all depends on what treatment you asked for and what he end up prescribing.  

Take care and talk to you soon!!!!  

Lv, Drew


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## Reb

Hello Drew

I'm not absolutely sure but I think the many eggs you have produced during ivf cycles are a drop in the ocean and would not affect your egg reserve.  You could post a question on Ask a Nurse to be sure though.  Have you had your FSH levels checked?  Apparently that can give you an indication about egg reserve, although it's conclusive.  

I started down regging yesterday and supposed to have my FSH checked but they did nt bother.  I'm not sure I want to know just yet!! 

I really hope your clinic can get it right for you next time.  It must be really hard to wait for af with such long cycles.  

The acupuncturist did tell me about the various points but I cant remember them ! He did nt put any on my head though.  He put them in my lower legs, feet, tum, chest (above my  nollies!) and arms.  It was not very comfortable.

Are you having a consultation to discuss your next tx?

love

Becca
x


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,  

Thanks for the reassurance!!  Whenever I ask for my test results i seem to concentrate on the E2 and P4 but never really FSH - but I will from now on!! 

The one good thing with my clinic & doctor is they understand our financal situation.  If I have a failed cycle or if my cycle gets cancelled, they don't really need to see you unless you want to - mainly my doctor communicates with me via the clinic nurses - he will instruct what to do next, and usually for me I don't need to do anything except to wait for my period and TRY AGAIN  .  This way he saves us doctor fees for the review appointment.  I guess it is nice to talk to the doc afterwards - and I often find myself making appointments to see him after a miserable cycle to ask questions.  But no for this cycle I am not seeing my doctor until the next fresh cycle (which I hope can at least get me through to EC!!!!).  

Do you think I should wait for this period to come, and then another one before I start again?  My poor ovaries must be shell-shocked because I had surgery on them only a few weeks ago.... 

Take care!!!!!

Lv Drew


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## Reb

Hello Drew  

What are E2 and P4?  I've never heard of that.

Have you tried Angus Castus?  It's a natural herb that a lot of woman use inbetween cycles to regulate af and help your homones return to normal.  A lot of the women on here have tried it with good results.  Apparantly it can take a few months to kick in but it would nt do any harm.  You can order it on the internet.  There's loads of info about it on this site.  You must stop taking it though when you start tx.

Personally I think if you feel well with your next af and feel recovered from the lap I would start tx then.  But if you feel your body has not recovered I would wait.  It's a tough one to decide for.  I would go with what your body is telling you.  I was supposed to start 2nd ivf tx in June but really did nt feel well enough as endo flared up bad after 1 failed attempt.  I reluctantly cancelled so I know how you feel.

It's good that your clinic is sympathic to the cost of tx and tries to keep the fees down by advising you via the nurses.

I've had a bit of a stressful day today as we are buying a house and there has been some minor hitches.  I gave up smoking recently and been having terrible cravings.  Thought a nice bath would help but when I ran it the water was brown  .  I should have stayed in bed this morning  .  dp is sat drinking a can of cidar so I had a little sip.

bye for now.

love

Becca


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,

Yeah we use the P4 and E2 terms when we fill in our blood test forms - E2 is estrogen level, P4 is progesterone, and LH is lutenizing hormones.  These are the usual things I got tested for.

Is Angus Castus the same thing as Chasteberry tree leaves  If so I have been taking it for a few months now.  I don't know if it worked for me, but last cycle (the cycle before the cancelled one), I started to chart my body temperatures, and it seems like my body is doing the right thing and I think I might have even ovulated!  Shock! Horror!!!)  

Yeah I agree with you about feeling good about your body before you take on another cycle.  It is just that IVF is so taxing on your mind and body - you really need to be ready and relaxed for it!  My DH only allows me to do it providing I am in one of my more `positive' moods and I am not feeling sick from endo.  Ha!  That will be the day!  My left ovary currently is pressing on my bowel - probably hitting a nerve, so now my entire left side (from left thigh to my left shoulder blade) is hurting.  I am in alot of pain today. 

Becca good luck with purchasing that new house of yours, and good on you for quitting smoking!  I am currently indulging myself after my cancelled cycle - I have a nice BIG chocolate pudding sitting in the fridge at home waiting for me to tackle it....hee hee.

(Do you agree that sugar makes endo worse?  I figured I am so internally not well that another piece of chocolate cake won't do anymore harm!!!).

Hope you enjoyed that cider sweetie and have a fabulous weekend!!!!!  

Lv and hugs,

Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

I dont know if angus castus is the same as chasteberry tree leaves.  I've never heard of chasteberry trees.  Glad to hear that you ovulated  .  I've never tried to the temp things.  My consultant said it was not a good idea to use it to time bms.  He said if you have regular bms then it would nt be nessecary.  That said, I would love to know if I do actually ovulate without help, even if everything else is blocked up.

Thanks for enlightening about the blood tests.  I havent had any tests for this tx yet and I started downregging on Tues last week.

I know what you mean, this whole ivf thing is testing enough, but I think it's worse for girls with endo as it flares thing up.  For the last 7 years I did nt have any pain or discomfort from endo, only prolonged beeding. (however I was in agony prior to that).  Since the failed ivf I have been reliant on strong anti-inflammatories and have to use tampons that are made for woman who have given birth naturally to 6 kids   (sorry if thats tmi).

It's werid you say you get pain in your shoulder blade.  I dont want to steel your thunder but I get that and the pain in leg.  My consultant said it's nothing to do with endo, but it can be quite bad during af.

I'm sure the choc cake will do more good than harm.  I've not heard about sugar being bad for endo.  I know what you mean about being internally unwell.  I frequently moan to friends about being 'all wrong inside' lol.

Thing have sorted themselves out on the house front and we hope to move in about 2 weeks.

Hope you're having a groovy weekend and have some more cake - enjoy  

love

Becca
x


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,  

It's amazing that you said you went through 7 years with no particular pains, and since you are on the IVF program you suddenly experienced so much pain!  You poor thing.  I know my endo has worsen during the past few years whilst I am trying to conceive using all sorts of synthetic drugs.  
My surgery photos really show the damage.  I probably had endo since my late teens and didn't get diagnosed until I was 27.  Before I was trying to get pregnant I only get little `ickling' pains on the ovary, but nothing to be alarmed about.  Now I can REALLY feel the circus in me, especially during a stimulated cycle - and especially when I have my period.  These days, the first two days of my cycle I NEED painkillers, if I don't take painkillers my face will be white with pain and I will have breathing difficulties.  It is scary.  Oh yes - having a period is like the Niagara Falls.  

FYI - my blood tests on the weekend revealed the PCV (something to do with oxygen in blood - it apparently gives you an indication if you are still overstimulated) is normal.  My estrogen is still slightly high (340) - that may mean I still have small immature eggs inside which is not going away, or it may mean I still have that endometrioma hanging around.  The clinic don't seem to be worried about this - but I am.  I just want to be `normal' ASAP so I can get on to my next cycle.  

And oh, I had the biggest period on the weekend, it started on Day 15 of my cycle.  Apparently this is normal after a stimulated cycle is abandoned.  I was clotting quite a fair bit and it is a rather heavy `period'.

If all goes well - I hope God will do small favours for me by blessing me with a period soon, possibly in mid October (sigh...wait so long).  Then I will be back to injections again and THIS TIME I am going to tell them (NOT TOO MUCH DRUGS PLEASE). 

Take it easy Becca!

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,

Oh that AF dance was soooooo funny - I really cracked myself up!!    .  Thanks so much, I think I also need to dance like the tribal people when they ask for rain - the nurses at the clinic laughed at me when I said whenever my period comes it is like christmas for me!!!!  Oh imagine saying that to a teenage girl!!!!  Oh my period is here ...yeah!!!!!!       

Finally I am on the end phase of this terrible negative cycle  - my period seems to be coming to an end after six days.  Mind you - like you I also have long long long periods - my last one lasted 9 days, then I had one day break, then it came again!!!  I think it is because my hormones are all over the place  .    This may sound gross, but I haven't been able to get any waxing done DOWN THERE for two months now - it is because I am either regging or something else is happening.  I find it so annoying.  

Oh and I know exactly what you mean about the high pain threshold `earned' while suffering endo.  I keep telling people I am in pain, but I say it with a smile, even though inside I know I am hurting like hell (twisting, throbbing, thumping, pulling pains), but it is because I am so used to it, there is no other way to deal with it except to grin and bear.  But honestly I never used to be in too much pain, it is only recently that I noticed things are nose-diving.

I have another friend who told me she is pregnant for the first time.  She wasn't even planning it and it just happened, I was happy for her but she knows I am a bit emotional about it.    But what can you do??

Becca can I ask you how much stim do you use (or intend to use during next cycle?).  Do you normally ovulate on your own??  

Thanks and take care for now...and thanks so much for the AF dance - that brought a smile to my face for the first time today!!!

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,  

That was such a lovely post - I love reading your posts because you seem like alot of fun to be with!!!!  I still can't get over the dancing AF bananas  - I still find myself going back to the posting and looking at it and laugh!!!  The AF dance must be doing something for me because my period REALLY REALLY have stopped today - usually it gets kind of prolonged and drag on for more than week - I think I am all clear now and is now on my `rest' cycle.  I felt dull pains all day yesterday on the endo ovary - that is not a good sign but I just have to ignore it and get on with it. 

Is Zoladex the stuff you use to suppress endo?  I have a few friends who have endo and uses medication to suppress their endo.  Unfortunately as much as I would like to keep my endo under control - I can't because I am so actively trying to get pregnant .  Becca you said you produced 4 eggs after using Zoladex for a while - I WASN'T even on any medication and only managed to produce 6 eggs!  But anyway - I have a friend who is had to be on 600iu of gonal in order to get any follicles - she produced 8 eggs as a result.  

For a FET cycle I need to be on clomid - strange isn't it?  They need me to ovulate in order to get my lining to the correct thickness.  However it is quite strange with me, sometimes when I use clomid I get a really good response, sometimes my estrogen just won't climb and I ended up having to abandon the cycle.  Just like the cycle before this last tragic one - I used clomid for five days (100mg), nothing - zilch.  Then suddenly seven days later my estrogen shoot up and I ovulated.  I primied and was lined up to go to surgery for FET and then realise my embryos did not survive and I ended up with nothing.  That was one of my least favourite life moments I must say.  

Ha!  Oh yeah the waxing  , my husband cannot understand why I need to do bikini waxing - I really only started whilst undergoing IVF two years ago.  It is just that with IVF it is so invasive of your privacy - once when I was having my embyro replaced - I had a young man (trainee) as my embryologist - so he had to pass the embryos to my doctor during the procedure and he had to look at me down there as well.  I felt so embarrassed (even though my doctor is a `he' and my ultrasound doctor is also a `he'), I figured if I am going to `display' myself for all to see - I might as well feel good about it and get myself cleaned up.  Ha!  I find this train of thought quite amusing myself!!!!    

Bec you are so lucky to have nice 28 day cycle - that will be one my my three wishes to the genie when I find him.  I have never been normal - it will at least make me feel a little bit better about myself if I have normal AF.

Oh and I totally agree with you about what your doctor said about the embryos being out of `harm's' way once it is in your uterus.  That is exactly what my doctor tells me as well.  He said as soon as you get good enough eggs, once it is inside the uterus it will be shut away from the endo.  I really really hope this is the true.  

And Becca - I am really happy for you that you have finally found somebody who you care about and obviously he cares for you as well.  I don't think I will go through the pains with IVF with anyone else but my husband, he always remind me that baby or no baby, he just want to be with me and having a baby is a bonus for us - it is just so sweet reading what you wrote about your partner.  He sounds like a wonderful guy.    And don't ever be discouraged, I trully trully believe something really good will happen to you soon.  You sound like you have a wonderful spirit and will make a fantastic mom.

I also need to stay positive - I am glad we can encourage each other!  I am SO HAPPY that I have stumbled into this website and starting posting.  

About ovulation kit - it is just that I am so irregular - there really is no point for me to use any kits because they don't come cheap and I really don't think I ovulate - if you say you have regular 28 day cycle it is highly likely that you ovulate normally.  I do temperatures and stuff - but I am still learning about my cycle (which is always changing patterns because of the whoopsie daisy hormone levels), so that will take some time.

Can't wait to hear about your new cycle - keep me posted okay!  In the mean time enjoy your time with DP - I have another nice piece of Apple pie sitting in my fridge to cheer myself up tonight!!!!  

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca, 

Hope you had a good weekend!  I had such a wonderful weekend - I really try to enjoy life these days in between treatments (instead of obessessing over what to do next like I used to when I first started IVF).  I just find it easier to bear because I was in such a rut one time - I got into a big mode of depression   - which flared up some unwanted panic attacks - NOT GOOD!  

Me and DH spent a bit of time together driving around, dining out with families (must say the dining out bit with parents in law was a bit difficult - but overall it was okay!  )

You know when I woke up this morning I managed to catch a little bit of the morning program on TV - it was a segment on endometriosis.  It was very general - nothing I haven't heard of or know of before - but it was good to see that media is doing some coverage on an illness that is so common in women (I myself work with a few of endo sufferers) and the medical field offers no specific cure for the disease.  They segment did mention that a possible `cure' for the disease is to remove your reproductive organs!  Ha!  Some kind of cure!!!    (In hindsight - I must admit that I have plans to remove my left ovary - but not until I have my bambina and not until I am good and ready).

Becca I think your clinic has a good attitude towards IVF - the book I am currently reading is about this IVF clinic in America - they turn women into egg farms - the more the better.  But they do have pretty good success rates.  But you are totally correct - it is quality not quantity.  The nurses in my clinic always remind me that it only takes ONE to work.  I hope my number comes up soon!

Oh Becca I forgot to tell you, I checked the stuff I am currently using at the moment for hormone balance, and yes it is Angus Castus!  By taking it, it is the least I can do for my body at the moment!

And yes - definitely agree that you really need the right partner with IVF.  I cannot imagine doing this with anybody else (my DH is the first boy I dated, and I ended up marrying him - I have `tamed' him since we got married - so he is very much the father figure now!!!!).  I cannot imagine doing IVF without a supportive partner - and thank god for small favours because DH is good with needles so he has been the one who is doing all the injections!!!!

Oh I live in Perth - nice and sunny here over the weekend!!!!!  It really is a beautiful place to live and even more beautiful place to bring up kids.  

Becca I so very glad to have you to write to - you have so much positive energy in you - I look forward to your posts everyday - thanks so much for your encouragement since my last cancelled cycle - in a way you have changed my outlook on life and I find it a bit easier to `let loose' and enjoy life just a little bit more and not let IVF get me down.  I wish the same for you as well!!  

Hope you enjoyed that jaffa cake - I got naughty - tugged into some extra naughty apple struddel on saturday and it was HEAVEN.  

Lv, Drew


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Becca,  

I was going to wait until after work to respond to your post but I cannot wait!  I love writing to you - reading your response always bring a smile to my face - it really lifts my spirits.  

Becca, firstly, what is cystitis??  You know being an endo suffer, I also worry about immune issues.  I have a friend, who has been having quite a few attempts already trying to conceive but failed, and she went for an immune screening - they took heaps of blood for testing (something ludricrous like 11 bottles)!  And the results came back negative.    

I found out from my doctor he is not particularly keen to check for immune problems because even if the results come back slightly positive, he will feel pressured to `prime' the patient with nasties such as steriods etc (of whatever they use to combat immune problems).  He is not a believer in immune system medication - and from his track record and experience- he believes it is possible to conceive without fixing or even checking immune system problems.  I am in the mercy of his medical hands so I believe him  - unless he brings this up with me then I will check it - but otherwise I will try not to think too much about it.  

However in saying that - I heard that immune system treatment is really common in the US - (not sure about UK??), almost every second case of IVF I read about involves some form of immune system treatment.  

I am sorry to drag on about the waxing thing - I laugh myself silly as well.  You know my bikini waxer has been trying to persuade me to go `brazilian' (because it is apparently the hype) - although it is`interesting',  I am not sure how my doctor and various IVF team members (my circus audience) will take it when I am bald as anything down there .  It will be difficult for me (let alone everyone else) to keep a straight face.

Oh Bec you poor thing - you travel 4 hours to your clinic?  Dear me.  So how do you get your blood tests done?  Bec your love, patience, dedication and good attitude towards life will soon pay off.  I know it will.  

We only have a few clinics in Perth - and with me I am fortunate to live quite near one of them.  It sounds like your clinic is pretty good and have faith in you - and you are absolutely right - the first time I went for EC I got jealous because the lady next to me had something like 14 eggs - that is more than double what I got.  But like you said it is quality not quantity.  

OH - speaking of the American clinics - getting 30+ eggs (growing and harvesting) is not unusual, and depending on the grades of the embies, they usually put at least two, three or four back.  Once I read somewhere this poor woman had grades III and IV embies and so she ended up transferring all SEVEN embies back (unfortunately for her none took).  For my clinic, I think two is the limit - if you want three embies put back you need to have doctor's permission.  And in my case - I usually only put one back because we are often quite optimistic and always think that we cannot possibly cope with twins....hee hee.  

Once DH had to give me my HCG injection (for the release of eggs prior to EC), he really jammed it in my tummy because it was such a thick needle, and I cried out loud, pushed him away (but that is not before I hit him first), and he had to pull the needle out because I was so violent acting (because of the incredible pain!!).  It was rather funny afterwards - I told him it was my reflex action - and the `poor' two of us had to do it all over again with a fresh needle because he hasn't finished injecting yet.  The second time I promised to be more `calm'.  That was a funny moment....I think.  

You take care Becca - have you been getting any funny tummy pains lately??

Lv and hugs from 
Drew 

(Bec thanks so much for the lovely orange spot - reading your posts and responding to you makes me feel good, here is some   baby dust for you !!!!)


----------



## Aunty_drew

Hello Bec,  

All the best with the blood test results today!  I hope you can get started on a new cycle ASAP!!!  

Hey did you ask your doc about why you still have AF on Day 15?  I think I have told you before that two cycles ago I bled until day 9, then had a day break, then AF   came back again!  It was beyond ridiculous.  When I asked the nurses at the clinic they said it could be because I am not shedding the uterine lining properly, so it comes out slower than usual.  I was told nothing to be alarmed about - but really deep down you have to worry about things like that.  It is hard enough to get pregnant, it is even more difficult to understand why things don't work - so I question everything these days - just to make sure!!!  

Double ouch   about the Cystitis!  I had it once - it was a few years ago and I was in so much pain (like my bladder is full again within 2 minutes of a painful pee), fortunately my DH got me to the doctor's surgery in time and I was given some strong antibiotics for immediate relief.  

Oh and speaking of thrush - and hope you are not grossed out by this but maybe you can shed some light on this for me.  I get thrush like ALL THE TIME.  At one stage it was so frequent that I used to get it once every month or every two months  .  I brought this to my doctor's attention and he said it may have something to do with endo.  But he cannot be sure.  So I began to treat myself with thrush meds regularly.  Then recently I was given another big dose of antibiotics to completely clear out the thrush bug.  AND THEN I got a really bag case of bacteria vaginistis just before my anticipated FET (like a bacteria growth inside the vagina).  I just cannot understand it - I am very clean and I don't have any STD's, and I shower at least once a day and I usually wear cotton undies.  I got really embarrassed   and had to tell the clinic nurse about it because I was worried it will affect my FET - she said don't worry because it is not unusal to develop some sort of bacteria problem because being IVF patients you will always have things/instruments prodding you.  Sorry to gross you out - but in the end I took yet another course of medication and it has cleared up since.  
But I totally sympathise with you - having thrush really is nasty and it really ruins my day waking up with it.  

I was sad quite briefly today (normally something like this will affect me for quite a long time - but I am learning to be more optimistic since joining this website).  One of the relatives from my husband's family (who continues to hassle me about why I am not pregnant yet blah blah blah) just bore her fourth child today - it was a highly anticipated baby boy.  The situation is this - her husband is a big flirt and the rumour is that he plays around behind her back - but the marriage is still strong apparently.  He only wants sons because he is chauvinistic - so after his first three `disappointments', he got his wife pregnant again when the third daughter was barely seven months old.  When the poor woman was 5 months pregnant, he took off to one of his `business' trips and left her alone for two months with three girls under the age of 6.  And now, this relative of mine is thanking her lucky stars that she can finally present her husband with a son.  Bec you should have hear him speak about the importance of having a boy in the family - he is so arrogant about it - and here I am - childless and sometimes on the verge of insanity just to have ONE child.  And he is not even around half the time to look after his children.  I know I may sound bitter here - but it is just frustrating for me to be continually bagged about getting pregnant NOW, and they haven't even got their own kids sorted out.  

Sorry Bec to bore with the details of family ties - but thanks for reading anyway!  And please - I love reading long posts - so you can keep talkin' and I will keep readin'!

Gooooood luck with the test results - take it easy - and if you have anymore endo stories I would love to hear about it.  Like my friend - who suffered from severe endo - blessed with one girl conceived naturally, and then she embarked on two years worth of fertility treatment to conceive child no. 2. They were just about to prepare for her first IVF cycle, she and her DH   (a final bonk before the stress of IVF), and you've guessed it - she got pregnant and gave birth to another girl.  So be positive - we cannot let endo defeat us.

Lots of lv & hugs,
Drew


----------



## Aunty_drew

Hi Bec,

Hey you will never overload me - I enjoy reading your posts - and I am terrible when posting - I just keep writing and writing and writing.  Hope you are not bored with me!  

Firstly - I am glad to hear that your clinic allows acupunture practise in conjunction with IVF treatment.  I heard rave reviews about it over here as well, although my clinic is not too familiar with it and therefore does not have the facilities for it.  I reckon you should go for it because my friend's friend - who is well into her 40's, was told she cannot possibly conceive because of various gynae problems, ended up conceiving through FET in conjunction with an acupunture treatment prior to transfer .  Although it sounds all good, I don't think I can do it myself because I got really really tense the first (and last) time I did it - so I don't imagine it will do my nerves any good.  But if you are okay with it I strongly recommend it as well!  Let me know how it all goes if you do end up doing it!!  

I don't even know if bacteria vaginistis is the correct name for the thing I had (I vaguely remember the doctor mumbling it to me whilst she was giving me my test results) - it was apparently a very common problem for women - very unpleasant and is NOT an STD.  Okay this is gross, but basically it started off for me like typical thrush, like white bits coming out except the white bits are quite large sized.  Then it became quite itchy, and lots of watery discharge (and it gets smelly too).  I actually suspect it actually came about for me because I was on a cycle of Clomid, Clomid makes my mucus quite watery, and when things become watery inside I think that changes the pH and everything in the vagina - so bacteria starts to grow.  Bec I get the strong odour too  !  I don't know if it has anything to do with endo - but I normally get this odour immediately after my AF, and a week before AF.  Quite similar to you.  But then again it may all be hormonal related.  (often I wish I am a man - especially when I am at the pharmacy counter asking for something to treat bacteria vaginistis - with old ladies waiting in line listening in ).

(I love it when you said dirty girl - ha!  )

Oh - and in case you are interested in finding out more about it - I actually had to do a swap and sent the sample to the lab for testing.  When the nurse did the swab for me, she did say my insides looked a little inflammed.  

I also indulged in a spot of retail therapy yesterday - since I am in between treatment I might as well indulge.  

Do you believe in resting completely for a cycle??  I have done both.  A few times I go straight back to work only after one day of bed rest.  Out of those times I got one clinical pregnancy even though I was poorly stimulated that cycle!  And I have done one cycle in which I was ON MY BACK the entire two weeks (only got up to eat, shower and go to the bathroom) - it did absolutely nothing for me.  So I am firm believer now in carrying on living your normal life whilst doing IVF.  

What do you think?  

Have a fabulous weekend sweetie!  Good luck with the commencement of stims on Sunday Bec.  I will be sending   energy to you all the way from Australia the next few weeks.    Don't worry about the infections because as long as your uterus is in good shape and you are healthy - it really is all you need.  I really hope this one is it for you and then you will give me much hope when it is my turn in late Sept/early October.

Lv, Drew


----------



## Martha Moo

Hiya drew

I sent u an email this afternoon

Hope u received it ok and its of some help

If i can help further

let me know!!

Best wishes
Emilyxx


----------



## Aunty_drew

Hiya Bec, Hiya Emily,  

Sorry ladies for the late response - I have had the maddest two days in history, I changed projects at work, and was swamped with work immediately.  I went home really late last night hungry and tired, and on top of that I had the worst tension headache and was stupid enough to bring home my `unsolved' problems so I can solve it in my own time.  I think if I really need to ease off if I want to have a chance in becoming a mom.  

Oh yeah Em I am going to check my emails as soon as I am done with this post - but thanks in advance for emailing me and I will email you back ASAP - I am taking a breather....

Bec - you poor thing - do you jab yourself in the thigh?  I do mine on the tummy because I have more fat there  .  I am actually a small girl too, but for some reason I am capable of growing a decent sized layer of fat around the tummy (it shows up quite significantly when I sit down), so it really helps with my injections.  I can't imagine doing it on the thigh because there is not much there to `cushion' the pain.....how do you find it Bec??

Bec I have been thinking of you all weekend (about starting a cycle), and I am crossing my fingers (and everything else I have) for you.  You just take it easy and look after yourself in the mean time....I am right here if you want to discuss things (or even just to whinge about IVF in general!!!)    

I have had a terrible weekend actually because I realised I am on the verge of an ovulation (BIG SURPRISE FOR ME!!!), it really is like a christmas for me because ovulation doesn't happen to me often - and guess what?  MH DH IS OUT OF TOWN.  I called him via long distance to complain because I need a sperm   donor and he is not around!!!!!!!    I have been having a string of bad luck.  

Oh Bec I am sorry to hear that your family doesn't have much understanding about endo.  Fortunately my sister also has endo, and we can talk about it and swap ideas.  Mom got married when she was a wee girl at 17, and couldn't fall pregnant until she was 20 (and then she had me).  So mom understand the pressure of not being able to fall pregnant easily.    But you know you have your cyber friends here who is 100% behind what you do and understands what you are going through.  But you know, I really hate justifying to people who blantantly ask me why I am not pregnant yet that I enjoy my `lifestyle'.  I have this friend's wife who always ALWAYS ask me that question even if I bump into her at the shops.  She is just annoying.  How many times does she have to ask me   

Hey you know I have been feeling quite sad the last two days because of the fact that I am ovulating and my DH is not here, plus I have the stress of work to deal with - but I always always feel better after posting to you - but it really perks me up whenever I am here writing to you because I feel right at home here.  

Bec I will talk to you soon, and Emily I am checking that email now - thanks again!!!

Take care for now!

Lv & hugs, Drew  (PS. Bec - do you use those alcohol wipes to wipe the injection site afterwards?  Make sure you don't wipe the site over and over again with the alcohol wipes - just once will do to stop bleeding, because it makes the wound red and itchy afterwards).


----------



## Reb

ps

I think a bit of post may have been censored in the 1st para. Woman should read b****h.  Oooops.


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## Aunty_drew

Heya Bec,  

Sorry for being quite silent the past few days!  Work is incredible and impossible and I just had a hissy-fit just now - my boss's been on my back all morning about something so I just threw down my paperwork, picked up my bag and off I went for a walk and some sun....gee that felt pretty good and now I am hormonally normal again!    (And to alleviate my hormonal outburst - I made a luxurious purchase of the Dermalogica treatment foundation - it really looks great on the skin!)  

How's it all going?  How's the stimms going for you?  Oh did I mention that apart from disinfecting the injection site, the alcohol wipes are also good for stamping the `backflow' from the wound - so the drugs won't leak out.  Apparently alcohol closes up the wound pretty quickly.  So there are added benefits for using alcohol wipes - just don't overwipe yourself otherwise you will get some nasty itchings!  

About the ovulation kit - the thing is they costs quite a bit - and it is not economically viable for me to use them because it is difficult to say when I ovulate - so I find the body basal temperature alot easier to use and a much cheaper option - do you temp yourself

My `suspected' ovulation got pretty interesting, I had the temperature dip (0.4°C drop from usual body temperature), and then it flat lined and never rise again as you would if you have ovulated.  So the way I interpret is I either didn't ovulate, or maybe I did try to ovulate but it was on my left ovary and it is unfortunately blocked.  So there was no real ovulation.... which is quite dissapointing because it means my hormones are still fluctuating.    

I know EXACTLY how you feel about worry about your cycle - I must have a million questions everyday for the doctor - like what is this pain, what is that pain, am I normal?  What happened if my eggs are undersized/oversized?  The list goes on.  I think for my next cycle (when AF FINALLY decides to grace me with her presence), I will try to be as normal as possible and won't let the whole IVF bother me too much (well it is kinda hard when you are jabbing yourself everyday!  But I will certainly try!   ).  It really is easy for me to say, but I will always prepare myself for worst case scenarios because I have been through quite a few let downs already.  But I am hoping HOPING HOPING that the next one is it.  Same goes for you as well Sweetie, you hang in there, don't let things worry you too much and concentrate on living life as normal as possible.  I think it helps ease the tension and makes you more relaxed during the 2ww.  You just take care of yourself in the mean time.

I was quite naughty during the weekend, I had  two glasses of red wine  , it was really good because I have stopped drinking alchohol for quite a while and the couple of glasses really helped me relax a bit in between treatments.  Gosh I have forgotten how nice it is to savour a good red!!  

My friend (who dragged me to a mother's show a few days after I had my second FET failure because she didnt have anybody to go to the show with) has been trying to contact me again. I have stopped communicating with her because I was pretty hurt by what had happened (I was pushing her baby trolley for her for hours whilst she checked out the baby show), I felt used and I am now suspicious whenever she tried to contact me.  It doesn't help when I found out recently that she has told her extended family members about my fertility problem (so now I have her family coming up to me on the street advising me on what I should do in order to conceive).  I still haven't phoned her back because I don't know what she is going to do next.   

Hey Bec you are getting your new place pretty soon!  I am really happy for you - and you are right, it keeps the mind occupied because there are so many things to do when you have a new place.  I just made a purchase on pot plants on the weekend to beautify my little house...very happy with it.  

Oh on the weekend I over-indulged - and got myself a facial, a nice hair treatment and now I have my new foundation - VERY PLEASED.  

Let me know how you are keeping Bec, I will be thinking of you.  Take it easy girlfren'!!

Lv & hugs, Drew


----------



## Aunty_drew

Hello Bec,  

I am so sorry to have not answered earlier - I am really waiting for this project to end in four weeks time so I can be back to my normal self...and you are right, the new boss is a male - and he is LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER all the time.  It is keeping me highly stressed at all times.

I am really sorry sweetie to hear that you are feeling down.  I hope I am not too late here to comfort you.  You know as long as you are making eggs, you still have every chance of becoming pregnant and to become a good mom.  So don't be discouraged.  I know what you mean about `being difficult to treat', you cannot be worse than me - but I like to refer myself as `reproductively challenged', just like Charlotte from `Sex in the City'.  .  Although at times I get really depressed and kept thinking - what happened if it doesn't work this time, or the next time, or the time after that - will I break mentally or physically - it is scary - but all I know is I used to be dead scared about blood tests and operations and needles - now all these scary things don't faze me anymore.  So I have nothing to be afriad of.  (*Super woman aunty drew is now leaving the building* ).

You just hang in there Bec and I will wait for your good news.  And it is so lovely to hear that your DP is so supportive of you.  You are already winning.  

Bec - my left ovary is endo covered and stuck to my bowel - and the tubes only became blocked this year - and my right ovary is fine, although I have been having these killer stabbing pains in my right ovary the last few days - it is scaring me because the pain is as intense as on my endo ovary.  The right tube is open as far as I am concerned - but I have always believed that I am not able to conceive naturally.

Can I perk you up with one of my stupid baby dreams?    I have them all the time.

Because I have been having so much pain on my right ovary, I worried sick about it the last few days, so last night I dreamt that I went to see my doc about it, he laid me down and wheeled me into the operation room.  They put the drip into my arm and I went to sleep.  Then when I woke up - I found my doc holding my hand and said, `Now I don't mean to scare you -but I am afraid I have some really bizzare news for you', (at this point I started to quiver and cry), he said, `You are ovulating.  Go home now and make love to your husband'.  In my dream - I literally pulled the trip off my arm and ran all the way home bare butted.  Unfortunately for me, this is not too far from reality - ovulation for me is like christmas!!!!!!!  

I am still waiting   and waiting   and waiting   for a period, I am approximately Day 28 at the moment, no period yet, (still early days), so I figured I will be ready for it to start all over again end of November.  I will keep you posted because I will have A WHOLE LOT MORE to say when I finally get started.  I think you ladies are so lucky to have regular periods.  (Never thought I will say something like that!!!   )

You take care for now Bec - have you had your tx yet?  Let me know how you are going - sorry for not being here for you when you most needed it - I will post again on monday to see how you are.  Chin up okay??

Love and lots of big hugs for you,
Drew


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## Martha Moo

HIya bec and drew

Sorry not to have posted the last few days

I have been quite poorly the last few days and have spent most of them in bed

I had news that one of my friends had a termination this week   heres all of us wanting a baby and do anything to get one.

Has left me a bit bitter, but onwards and upwards i guess.

I go to the gynae on monday, i had a letter which sounds like he has discharged me, but i need some answers before he does!!

I was leaving him for a 2nd opinion which makes it even simpler cos dont have to give him a reason haha

I am holding a support group meeting later, so will post tomorrow when i am recovered from it

Do either of u get exhaustion, it seems i only have to walk to end of street and i am shattered

is this due to endo ??

Have gr8 weekends

Reb ........have u had collection??

If so hope it went welll and that the transfer goes well too

best wishes
Emilyxx


----------



## Jaq

Hi Becca

Hope you got two super embies (well hope all 5 were great ones) and ET went well today - keeping fingers crossed for you  

Hi to Drew and Emily too  

Love Jaq


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## Reb

Hi Jaq  

Thanks for asking.  I got one grade 2 and the other was 2/3.  I reacted really badly and got really upset at the et as this is what we got on the 1 st go.  I had such a good feeling before and thought things would be different this time, but now I just think it's going to be the same as last time.  The rest were nt up to freezing.

I sorry for being so negative.  I'm just really tired as the clinic is 100 miles away and I've had to make 4 journeys in the last week.  I'm hoping to be more positive tomorrow.

You are so brave as you have obviously been through so much.  I have found it so hard going this time and dont think it gets any easier.  How are you doing?  Where are you up to with the DEs?  

love
Becca
x


----------



## lollypop67

Reb hi there

Noticed you were at Care.  We're at Jessop wing in Sheffield (self funding) and wondered how you found it.  we're about to embark on our last cycle so keen to consider all options.  Would be grateful for any info you may have!

Lolly X


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## Aunty_drew

Hiya all - I am really glad to read all your posts today!! 

Heya Bec - don't feel bad about feeling negative - I have my up's and down's as well.  Yesterday was a bit of a downer for me because my `good ovary' is hurting quite bad - especially first thing in the morning when I have a full bladder and want to pee (do any of you have that?).  This is the good ovary I am talking about.  I assume I still don't have endo on my `good' ovary.  

I complain to my doctor all the time about this pain and that pain - but he always brush me off saying it is all `endo' pain.  But I just want to know that the pain is not an indication that my reproductive organs are failing..etc.  It is just me worrying.

Bec I am going to think of you and send you all the   vibes to you all the way to UK - I hope this is it for you!!  Don't get too upset over the grade of your embies - as they fertilised that is already a good sign.  
 , here's some babydust for you from Australia!  

Emily - I have the same problem as you - I walk up a flight of small stairs and I will be huffing and puffing - but I think that is fitness related rather than endo related.  But then again I don't know any sports atheletes suffering from endo.... 

I look foward to hearing about your ET and acupunture Bec - I am planning a holiday mid December - I don't know if I can fit a cycle in between - I really hope so - but my DH is treating me to a lovely holiday (he bought the tickets yesterday to surprise me) - he said I really needed it and the baby plans can wait till January next year.... sometimes this AF thing really annoys me - I have no idea when my period comes and I can never plan anything.  

Thanks Bec for doing the AF dance for me.  I think I need to do one as well -    

Thanks Lolly Jaq and Emily for writing - it is real nice to read your feedbacks.  I sometimes feel so lonely because my endo pains is constantly reminding me what I am missing out.

Take care all - take it easy Bec - I am thinking of you.

Lv, Drew


----------



## Reb

Hi girls

Lolly - CARE at Sheffield are great.  They only have one consultant, Mr Salih.  He's a very busy man but always answers all your questions and manages to cheer me up without promising anything.

They have an excellent monitoring system and worked wonders with me as a poor responder.  They always aim to use the lowest amount of drugs as possible and collect, on avarage, 5 to 8 eggs per ec.  They dont seem to aim for any more.  However, because of this they freeze very few embryos, and when they do, I think they only do top grade ones.  They also claim to have good results with older ladies and for 'difficult to treat' cases and those who have had failed txs elsewhere.  They dont have good results, however, for FET.

They are so friendly and you are diffinetely not a number to them.  

I hope this helps.  Good luck  

Drew - Hello  
Your Dh sounds like a darling.  You are so right to enjoy your lives.  I cant wait to feel like 'me' again and to start to have fun.
Please don t worry about the pain (get me   telling someone else not to worry, lol).  Why dont you ask for an ultra sound scan?  I long while ago, before I was dx with endo, I used to have a similiar pain on my left side and a scan showed it to be an ordinary cyst which came and went for a couple of years.  My consultant gently told me that there could be something wrong with my other ovary, if you follow.  This confused me, but when I had my lap it turned out he was right. I just thought I'd pass that on.  It might be that your 'good' ovary is working harder.  Does your clinic not scan periodically?  If not could you ask for one just to see if it's an ordinary cyst.  Mine felt like a dull ache on that side.  I always knew when it had come back.  They are really nothing to worry about.  Please dont think your reproductive organs are failing.  You've got plently of time hun.  You obviously have a plan in place for when next AF arrives.  It's hard being patient (bloody hell I'm the worlds worse) but there are things they can do and you will get there  .  I do know how you feel but I'm sure it'll be a cyst.  A scan should put your mind at rest.  
  
I feel a bit better today, but feeling very fat  .  My nollies are really sore and have gone enormous, lol.

The ET was fine, apart from me getting upset.  The acupuncturist said 'no sex', and if we get a positive then no sex for 4 months  .  Dp thinks it's a good idea for the 2ww but was nt keen on the 4 month thing,lol.  Let's hope it becomes a problem.

I know exactly what you mean about endo pain being a constant reminder.  I've found myself getting so angry about having endo sometimes, I'm not sure who Im mad at though, lol.  

look after yourself

love and luck for af to arrive

Becca
x


----------



## Vicky W

Hi girls

Just wanted to offer my support to fellow endo sufferers.  It does seem weird the way different Drs want to treat endo agressively or conservatively.

I had a 5cm ish endometrioma on 1 ovary which my gynae left well alone, my only lap was diagnostic & no lasering etc.  I also have patches on bowel wall & uterus.  My clinic never worried about the endometrioma  i produced as many eggs from that ovary as the "good" one.

I had 6 month zoladex before going straight into first icsi cycle.  No tx for endo between cycles, and no real symproms, except in early pg when I had some severe pain I think was my endometrioma collapsing, because scan afterwards showed no obvious cysts on my ovaries!

Now wondering if it will return post pregnancy.  AF has returned but no real pain as yet.

Also wanted to sympathise Drew, my AF is a law unto itslef, not all are painful, and sometimes 6 months apart sometimes 5 weeks  


But having said all that, tx did work for me, even tho we had other factors too, so wishing you all loads of luck with your journeys, hope that your dreams come true really soon.

lots of love

Vicky xxx


----------



## Aunty_drew

ladies,    

Firstly - thanks Vicky for posting.  It is so encouraging to read your story.  My goodness you have AF gaps up to six months!  My longest gap is 3 months - I nearly died of shock   when my AF finally decided to come around - I was so happy to see her!!!!

Bec / Vicky - from my last scan (which they routinely do around Day 9 - 13 to monitor size of eggs), they found an endometrioma on my left ovary.  But apart from those routine tx scans, my doctor don't normally send me off to do scans.  My doc is more interested in making me pregnant than treating my endo - so he doesn't really comment on the seriousness of my endometrioma.    So it is frustrating for me because I am always guessing what is happening to me. 

Actually, last time when I had my lap surgery, I was feeling this exact pain as I am currently experiencing on my `good' ovary a few days prior to surgery.  Then after the surgery, my `holiday snaps' (that's what I call my photos from operation)  showed two little follicles poked out from my good ovary.  I asked my doc does that mean I am ovulating?  He said no - because the follies looked like ordinary immature follicles - no sign of ovulation yet.  So I guess the pain is due to growing of immature follies??    But Bec - you are probably right - it could be because my ovary is working overtime so that's why it hurts.

Oh Bec - I hope it works this time and DP has to go without sex for four months!!!!    That will be wonderful (sorry not the no sex part).    But yeah no sex during 2ww, and no orgasm  , but try and take it easy.  (Oh - no vacuuming they say!).  I am right here (despite the time difference) if you ever need to talk or anything.  But I will be thinking of you.

Take care and talk to you soon.  Thanks again Vicky for writing - it is nice to see your bubby's picture. 

Lv & hugs, 
Drew


----------



## Aunty_drew

OH MY GOD.

(Hi ladies...Hi Bec!)

I am in shock - I went for a blood test this morning - didn't think it was important enough to mention it in my previous post because it was only a routine blood test to see which country my hormones are at today . And I was shocked to find out that I am about to ovulate the next day or so.

It's a miracle - firstly - it means I am going to have a visit by the grand AF herself DEFINITELY in two weeks time because my LH has peaked. That is a record AF gap of 46 days . And there is a chance that something might come out of it if we  tonight. I think I am more excited about the fact that AF is coming than the fact that I might be able to conceive naturally. But then again it could well be the left ovary that will ovulate and the doors are closed on that side unfortunately. 

But hey - it means the AF dance works!!! , thanks so much for it Bec!!! 

I am so sorry to drag on - but basically I answered my own question in my previous post - the reason why it hurt like hell the last few days is because I am about to ovulate. OH IT IS CHRISTMAS...LAH LAH. 

(If only the higher powers from above realise how happy I can be with small favours like this ...)

Sorry to drag on - I am going to stop now...but the first person I wanted to speak to is you Bec - I hope you are keeping your spirits up and keep positive - I will try and think of a few funny stories to cheer you up the next two weeks.

U just take care for now...

Lv & Hugs - 
Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

That's wonderful news    .  Two problems solved for the price of one.  Now dont being having a headache tonight will you  .  Perhaps your dream was telling you something.

Have fun tonight .

love

Becca
x


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## Aunty_drew

Heya Bec,  

How you feeling sweetie??  Are you taking it easy this week?  

I have a friend who is currently on her third IVF - she almost got it right last time so I am hoping and praying that it will work for her this time.  

I want to share a feel-good story with you.  My friend, who used to work with this lady - who told all her friends (who cared to ask) that they are unable to conceive and will never be able to have children.  They have been trying for years and years and nothing came out of it.  She turned 39 last year - and after numerous trys - she finally got pregnant with her little miracle and is now a mom of a beautiful baby girl.  My friend only found this out because this lady `disappeared' from the social scene 9 months ago, and last week she read about the birth in the newspaper.  This lady took out the biggest ad and thanked the fertility centre and the doctors.  I feel all warm and bubbly thinking about it.  

So Bec - hang in there and chin up!  

I've also just discovered that one of the ladies in my clinic recently came off the `difficult to treat' list after surviving IVF 18 times (oh yes - I am also surprised to find out that there is such a list in my clinic as well!) - thankfully on her 18th attempted she hit the jackpot and won't be going to the clinic anymore.  (Ha!  I look forward to that day!).  

I have bad feeling that it is my blocked side that ovulated (Murphy's law)   - usually after a surge in LH my left breast starts to hurt - and I am hurting now - so I must have ovulated the last day or so.  I want to be optimistic but I don't want to get my hopes up - I am looking forward to AF though  .  I can already feel AF coming because I can feel my uterus tensing up (is this unusual??).  

Take care for now Bec   - in about an hour's time I have a work thing to attend (yummy food and drinks), and then I will hit town and get a bit of retail therapy.    

Here's some postive energy to you from Australia.  High priority.    

Lv & hugs - Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

How you today?  Hope you are well.

I've just read your post on the 2ww thread about af pains and it was very interesting.  I sent my post before I read it and it cheered me up  

I feel feel a little bit swollen and sore.  I've also been nibbling my nails which I dont do normally, disgusting eh.  I just dont know what to think.  My gut feeling feeling is that it has nt worked but trying so hard to be open minded.

That story about who suceeded at 39, how lovely, and what I nice idea to do that ad  

I cant beleive that someone undergone ivf 18 times!!!  I know I would have given up by then othrwise I'd be homeless.  I heard that they dont like doing it more than 10 here, but I'm not sure.  It may depend of the clinic. 

I really hope you ovulated on the 'unblocked' side.  You know your body so well.  I try not to read into twinges as I think my endo adhesions could be misleading.  I dont know how it feels when your uterus tenses up.  You really are at one with yourelf.  Hope you dont mind but I sometimes mention our conversations with dp and he seriously suggested you lie on one side if you think you are ovulating on the wrong one.  God knows what he getting at, but remember this is a man who did nt know woman had 2 ovaries until I told him.

Hope you enjoyed your work lunch, sounds lovely  

I'm tempted to buy a pee stick, never done that before during tx..

Take care bud.

love

Becca
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## Aunty_drew

Heya Bec,  

Hey you won't believe this - but yesterday before I posted at the 2ww thread - I searched and searched the home page for the endo thread (I was at home yesterday and didn't have the endo page bookmarked like I do at work).  I always miss the endo page because it is hidden under `diagnostics'.  NOW I KNOW.  But I am glad you've posted yesterday - because I need somebody to talk to  .

I know what u mean about the bad gut feeling - you have to anticipate the worse because you've been through it before - but try to be positive (start doing something that will use up your spare time) - I think if you have sore boobs and swollen feeling it is a good sign already!  I don't ever get sore boobs.  It makes me feel like I will never be able to get pregnant - because everybody I know get sore boobs once they conceived.  But seriously Bec - have faith in yourself!!!  How long to go before blood test??  

The last two days been horrible - I have been getting bad AF like pains - it is normally okay if I get AF pains - I just pop a painkiller and off I go.  But because the pressure of my uterus is pressing against my bowel - my bowel is in constant pain and I am always going to the loo - no painkiller can do the job.  It sounds horrible and it FEELS horrible.  I get this every single time prior to a period.    Do you get the same?  Do you think it is endo/adhesions related?  

Sometimes it makes me think if human cloning is possible - I will ask my GP to clone DH and myself.  Kinda speed up the reproductive process especially I am reproductively challenged.  

Oh I think it is really sweet that you talk to your DP about me!  I do the same.  I kept telling my DH about my friend from UK.  He laughs at me because when I posts I look all serious   and occasionally giggle   aloud.  DH said I am alot happier (and more positive  ) since I began subscribing to this website.  

I will do the naughty pee stick if I'm you - I haven't done it before but I will do it a few days early in my fresh cycle in two weeks time to put me out of my misery.  And your DP's funny about the lying on one side technique - you know I seriously did that a few days ago - but I honestly don't think I am going to get lucky this time - but at least we had a few good    .  DH said he was exhausted trying.   

U take care for now sweetie.

Lv & hugs Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew

It's strange but I'm relieved it's nearly over so I can either jump with joy or reclaim my body because I've had enough now.  I dont even feel anxious, I just want it to be over.  I did a pee stick an hour ago and it was neg.  I'm not worried as it's only 10 days from ec so it's probably too early.  I'll do another (just for fun) tomorrow morning.  I test at the clinic on Wed the 13th   so I'll find out for sure.  My clinic test really early which is why I dont normally bother with pee sticks.

Oh Drew, the pain in your bowels, I used to get that sooooo bad before af.  In fact, I'd say it caused me the most crippling endo pain ever.  Sometimes it felt like a knife twisting and I could nt stand up.  It made me have terrible runs (sorry tmi). That was when I was incorrectly dx as having IBS. That was 16 yrs ago now.  It settled down without tx.  In recent years I've had some pain in my bowels but nowhere near as bad.  Last year my consultant made a small cut, during a lap, on some adhesions on my 'pouch of douglas' (did nt know I had one), this seemed to improve things further.  I feel some twinges but not had the runs or the same pain since.   ...so there's a happy ending to a sh*tty story, lol.  I've only got a little endo on my bowels.  I hope I'm not scaring you but what I'm trying to get at is that you only need a small amount of endo/adhesions to cause all that pain. so dont worry, if it is that it does nt mean it's bad.  

Wow, just realised you can start your cycle in 2 weeks (sorry I've been so wrapped up in myself).  I'm thrilled for you and dh  

Made my smile about human cloning.  All sorts of things go through your mind dont they?  I was thinking today that I should have had one ovary removed when I was younger and frozen it to save for later ,lol.

Did nt tell dp about your night of passion (sorry, cant get the 2 people in bed thing), it might make him jealous as we thought we would try not to during the 2ww, he's not a happy bunny although he suggested it.

I really hope you dont need to do this fresh cycle Drew and that your nights of pash' have paid off    , poor dh, hope you've not left him in tatters, lol.

Dp is also said I'm more relaxed for talking to what he calls my 'imaginary friend' on this site.  

I know what you mean about not having sore boobs.  I did nt have sore boobs for years and felt there must be something wrong with me.  My bloated tummy has gone and I think my sore boobs are due to the high levels of progesterone so I'm not getting excited about that.

I'll let you know about the pee stick tomorrow  , what lovely things we talk about, lol.  I've posted somewhere else on this site admitting to doing a test and the pee stick police have not caught up with me yet so I'm on the run.

Speak to you soon.

love

Becca
x x


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## Aunty_drew

Heya Bec,  

How's it going sweetie?  Hey it may still too early for the pee stick results - you're better off waiting for that blood test   for your peace of mind.  I know exactly what you mean by being `relieved' that it is almost over - my life gets completely overtaken by IVF - it consumes my every thought.  So with this new cycle I am determined to live my life as normal as possible (whatever that means!   ).  

But I hope you don't feel too down about the neg results with the pee stick - what we go through is not easy - you need to look after yourself first.  

Hey thanks for sharing your endo `pains' with me - it is never tmi - I am worst when it comes to describing things in DETAIL.   Sometimes the pain the bowels is so bad that it hurts to sit down - it is literally like getting pains in the axse.  I don't have runs - but it gets pretty gassy.    

Bec I remember you mentioned somewhere that your endo pains got more intense only after surgery - so true about that.  The pain gets more intense after each surgery (I had three).    I had been told before that post-surgery - the scar-tissues often cause sufficient grief to your body to give you bad tummy pains.  

I have all symptoms of an AF approaching - so I am pretty sure I am going to get a visit soon.  If my calculations are correct - my AF may arrive as soon as 7 to 8 days time   .  I am getting pretty emotional (PMS) today (I am a teary bxtch not an angry bxtch when it comes to PMS  ), sore tummy, so AF is imminent - but the good thing is I am going to get another shot of IVF before end of this year.  

Good luck sweetie with the pee stick - and don't worry about the pains experienced during 2ww - I get a bit funny about it - but I remember the only time I had a clinical pregnancy my tummy was pounding with pain for quite a few days (especially around the uterus area).  It is hard to tell what the pain is for - best to switch off and ignore it.  

Lv & hugs, Drew


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## Reb

Hi Drew  

I tested this morning and it was another neg but I'm not worrying as I thinks its too early.  I'm not worrying about anything, just want to move on.  I'm not looking foreward to the 3 and half hour journing to the clinic tomorrow, I just hope to God it's not for nothing.

I'm covered in spots, more than I ever was as a 14 yr old. I'm sort of feeling that af should be coming so I've bought £10's worth of tampons, you know, them really big industrial ones.  The one thing I'm determined about is that I will not be as ill as last time, if that's possible.  I'm fully armed with pain killers and anti inflammatories, angus castus this time and I've booked a week off work.  I know a lot of people think the 2ww is the worse bit, but I find the impending af the most frightening thing this time.  If it's still bad after 2 weeks I'll ask my doctor if I can go on Northesterone to stop the bleeding.  I went on this last time but only after 4 weeks of continuous heavy bleeding.  Anyway, I'm still hoping that wont be needed but I thought I'd rattle off my plan of action to you 

I really feel for you having those pains and can certainly relate to the feeling of not being able to sit down.  Does it feel like something twisting or stabbing inside?  When I had them (a few yrs ago now) they were always worse in the morning.  I used to be scared to eat too much because I knew how painful it would to go the toilet.  That was in my thinner youth, lol.  Now, nothing stops me eating and I've put wieght on as I've not been swimming.  I also like Pilates but of course that had to stop also.  Thankfully I only get twinges and aches now.  

I've only had one lap after which, like you said it got quite painful again, but I only had one af before going on Zoladex.

I'm so pleased you can get a tx in before Xmas and I'm really rooting for you and hope this will be the one.

I hope so much that I can post some good news tomorrow.  I am not hopeful but open minded.

Thanks for helping me through this horrible time bud and listening to my whinging and worrying, it's really appreciated  

Please dont ever worry about not posting.  I've been using this site a bit obsessively whilst cycling   and honestly dont expect you to do the same.

love

Becca
x


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## Reb

Hi Drew

Just to let you know that we got a negative result  .  I keep crying and feel this will never work.  I'm hoping I'll bounce back though, just need a bit of time.

Love

Becca
x


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## Jaq

Hi Becca

So sorry to hear it didn't work for you this time - sending you hugs    Will be thinking of you and DH.

Love Jaq


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## Aunty_drew

Hi Bec  

I am really really sorry to hear about your -ve - I want so much for this time to be a +ve for you.  But please don't be discouraged - cry as much as you need (I know it is horrible for me to tell you to cry more), but it helps to get it out of your system - and then take a little break with DP before you start up again.  

The nurses at my clinic always gently remind me that when IVF/FET doesn't work out - it is just not meant to be.  But your time will come. You still have plenty of time for another shot.  

And when you are ready to talk about it again, I am right here for you Bec - you hang in there - and I hope DP is looking after you.  

Lv & lots of hugs,
(Here's our old friend to make you laugh...hopefully!)


Drew


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## Martha Moo

Hiya Becca

I just wanted to come along and say how sad i was to hear of ur BFN   

I cant offer u any advice as i havent been in ur situation.

Please take some time to come to terms with whats happened.

Please know i am only an email or im away.

I will be around most of the day and night tomorrow or today even 

Sending u huge huge huggles.

Glad u liked the new endo site 

Lots of love and huggles
Emilyxx


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## Martha Moo

Hiya 

what do u girls think about setting up a new thread i dunno somewhere along the lines of the inbetweenies chitter chatters but solely for the use of us endo girlies.

We can talk about anything and everything even our bowel probs if u like

Talking of which for the first time in absolute ages, i am really suffering with my bowels and its causing me soooo much pain

ENdo hey

I am off to see gp tomorrow following my discharge from the gynae, i think hes ready to give me my zoladex injections gee cant wait, if it gets rid of these bowel symptoms i have had tonight i wiill be eternally gratful.

Sending all my endo sisters a huge huge hug

Best wishes
Love Emilyxx


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## Reb

Thanks girls

Jaq - thank you for your kind thoughts, it's really appreciated.

Drew - thanks for your support and encouraging words.  it's funny you say about going away, we were just talking about that this morning and plan to do something.  have you checked out the new endo site??

Emily - I think that's a great idea about an inbetweenies tread for endo girls, but then I would    You made me lol about bowel probs, though I'm really sorry yours are giving you jip.  It really does seem to be a common prob (not enough I hope for tread of it's own,lol).  Good news about the Zoladex.  I was on that with Livial and felt great.  I think the Livial made my hair and nails grow really well and quickly.  I had to shave my legs every day though.

I'm moving house tomorrow, no pressure as we can take our time as I have not sold the we are in yet.  It really given me something else to think about.  Had some crap to sort out with the solicitor, so being being pre menstrual and p****d off really help me do it efficiently, hee hee.

Best do some packing.  If dont post for a few days it's because we will be moving the computer.

Take care, cant wait to chat about bowels on our new thread  

love

Becca
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## Aunty_drew

Heya girls,

Yeah I would love to be a part of a new endo girl chat conversation - it will be so good to be able to discuss endo/IVF/pains/in between treatment thoughts - like I do with Becca.  Since I am on different timeframe to you UK ladies (me work - u sleep - me sleep - u work), thought I will make the first move and start a new thread under:

Inbetween Treatment / Thread topic "Endo Girls Chat"

Hope to see all you ladies there!!!!

Bec - good luck with the move - u take care and hope your DP plan a good holiday for both of you - well deserved.   Thanks for keeping me sane by replying to me and talking to me so regularly - you are a good friend!!!

Lv & hugs to all - Drew
See you in the new thread.


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