# A male newbie if that's ok ~



## LV8 (Jan 15, 2008)

Hi everyone

A newbie here, and a male to boot.

I hope it’s ok posting on this site, but I feel I need to clear my head a bit.

Today, was the most absurdly stressful day in a long time. My DW and I have been TTC for several years, and assisted for the last 12 months. My DW had our first EC today and we were faced with a disappointing result, only getting 3 eggs, two ok and one immature. 2 had ICSI and the other probably won’t work. So after 3 times dose of the IUI stimming, expecting great things and hopefully spoilt for choice, that is what we are now faced with. This is really quite a shock and something that is mentally rather devastating. We initially had grand plans with securing a decent number of eggs, ICSI split, going to blastocyst, and then having the wonderful (yet strange) ability to choose 2 of the best for ET, saving the rest for maybe next time. Additionally, being in the medical field, and now being on the other side, and feeling absolutely helpless in front of DW snoring during her anaesthetic slumber…is something I don’t want to have to do again if at all possible. The technical side of things I have at least some insight into, but this does nothing in the way to prepare you emotionally to deal with male issues, but more importantly how to cope and support DW. Really was an incredibly crappy day, and with DW’s birthday tomorrow of all days, and family and friends being completely unaware of our current saga, it proves to be an even more challenging 48 hours.

Thankyou for providing a wonderful website-truly is a source of inspiration.

PS I am Twee’s DH, and she has found this site a great help. I am wondering if anyone has suggestions on where to post and share my thoughts.


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hello and welcome to ff 

firstly big big  for you at this very stressful time. It's never easy having to go through anything like this and sometimes being from the medical side can make it seem very daunting rather than making you feel more in control ( i studied nursing  )

I have added the links below for the mens chat/board and also the 2 week wait boards

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=27.0
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=89.0

Remember (and yes it is a cliche ) but its only does take one to make it happen

loads and loads of  to you

love
suzie xx


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## holly01 (Feb 10, 2007)

hi,just wanted to welcome u,u brave man lol..why dont u go over to the icsi page and i am sure u will get loads of advice from the gang on there

all i can recomend to u and DW is loads of   and


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi LV8

Welcome to FF

Its lovely to see another DH on here- Suzie has already given you the lino for the mens room - we are quiet on their at the mo however feel free to post (i am one of the mens room mods however i am a female-our male mod is on holiday at the mo)

Good luck for you cycle

Mez

xxx


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## Young D (Oct 17, 2005)

Hello and welcome

always good to see a male on the site there arent enough of you guys.  I'm always trying to get mydh to join.

don't loose hope, there was a woman on here who only had one egg collected and it fertallised and turned into her son in the end, plus I had 10 collected but in the end only 2 were worth putting back no frosties at all and they all looked so good at the start.  Expect the unexpected  

I also had my birthday during the 2ww.  We enjoyed it though, we talked about the what if's and imagined what if it worked etc focus on the positive its all you can do.

   hoping you get a BFP..

DONNA X


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

well done on joing.i dont see many men that join.

well done on you 3 eggs.remember it only takes one embie to create a baby.good luck for the call tomorrow 

hayley


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## Seychelles (Dec 1, 2007)

Hi there,

Wanted to say hello and welcome, nice to see some men over here!!  I can't get my DH to join either! I just wanted to say you've got two embies which is great!! They could be all you need!   Keep trying to be positive this should help support DW! Wishing you the best of luck!!!


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## ❁ BG2007 ❁ (Jun 26, 2007)

Hi LV8

Just wanted to say welcome and sorry you've both had such a rough day but the others are right - it does only take one good little embie and who knows it may just be sitting there waiting to get growing!

My DH is a doctor and I'm an ex-paed nurse, so both medical here too. I certainly know how you feel being 'on the other side', it's quite a shock and not so much fun being the patient / relative is it? 

Hang in there though - all I wanted from my husband was love, hugs and reassurance (not that everything would be fine because I knew he couldn't do that, just reassurance that we would be ok - together, no matter what.) Talk to her too, I wanted my DH to be strong for me but I also wanted to hear how he was in all of it, I wanted to make sure he was ok too (DH's need support as well, don't they?) Just do your best to have a good birthday tomorrow and then take each day as it comes.

Take care and good luck
B x


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## Grumpyduck (Nov 30, 2007)

Hi LV8 I agree with you that its the most stressful time, nice to see another male on the boards, I cant get my DW to join but its been a mine of information and a great help to me so far.

Welcome.


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## Boomy (Oct 22, 2007)

Hi LV8

I have just posted on your DW's thread, wishing her a Happy Birthday and sending her some positive vibes for tomorrow.  Thought I would check out the introductions thread and found your post.  As I was reading through, I was thinking to myself - I wonder if this is Twee's DH.  Hard case...  

Great that you are posting on here too.  I agree with the other ladies... it only takes one.  A girl on the Holdiay Dreamers thread had only 1 embie to transfer and she is now about 6-7 weeks pg.  So try and stay positive.

Good luck for tomorrow,

Boomy xx


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## diannaK (Feb 20, 2006)

Hi ther LV8 just wanted to say good luck with the embies you have. many ladies on here have managed a bfp with thes sort of results. It is always disappointing when you here of people managing to get all these eggs and you have made plans about what to do with them. Even when you get more eggs they don't always do what you hope with every stage we got less and less viable embies which was disheartening. Let's hope that the 3 eggs are gooduns and will fertilize well.

As for family and friends it is hard letting people into what is going on. I personally didn't have an option eventually as collapsed and had to have an emergency op related to my fertility. I think with friends we have let some close friends in. But it is hard for people to comprhend the effect it has on your whole life and well being especially when all is well for them. DH family just thought oh well have the IVF  that will do it and father in law thought that we just needed lots of BMS if only that was true. SOmetimes their ignorance can really hurt and it dhows they truly don't understand the heartache at all. 

I wish you and your wife all the best for a BFP.  

DiannaK


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

Hi,

Welcome to Fertility Friends, This site is fantastic for support, information and friendship  

Good luck for you tx and i really hope you achieve your bfp!

Nikki


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Just wanted to say Hi and welcome to FF and all the best for today...hope you get a BFP


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  LV8   
Sorry for the delay in replying. its been another busy week.
I hope that the replies here have shown you what an amazing place this is for you both as a couple, I really hope todays news has been good, keep in touch let us know how you get on, whatever happens there is a place for you both on FF.

Suzie left you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation, I have one or two to add 

G&B  Community board
CLICK HERE

Peer Suport ~
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## LV8 (Jan 15, 2008)

Thank you all for fantastic words of support.

An equally strange day, finding out only one embie is cooking following natural IVF, and the two mature ICSI didn’t work.

Someone said ‘expect the unexpected’ – how true that is.

Everything crossed for ET on Saturday.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello LV8, aka Mr Twee, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

It's always nice to have soem blokes around. You DW has been settling herslef in very well on here so far, and on the New Year Miracles cycle buddies thread (you are very welcome to join although I think you would be the first bloke on the  )

Congratulations on your little fighter of an embie - obviously destined to go all the way with a bit of luck and babydust behind it.  . 
All the best for ET on Saturday. 

C~x


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## FS (Jan 2, 2008)

Hi LV8,

So nice to see a man posting.  How to be supportive with DW?  Of course we're all different, but I personally found 2 things that could potentially most irritate me and therefore 2 things that could potentially make the most difference in terms of how my husband could support me.

1. Showing empathy by knowing the facts: First thing was, because it was ME getting stabbed and jabbed and bled and anaesthetised to death, I found it was also ME that did the most reading and research around the science of infertility, how drugs might affect me, etc etc.  It would really annoy me (and I'd feel neglected and hurt) if my husband hadn't gone to the same trouble to inform himself about what the physiological and psychological effects of IVF might be upon me.  He's worked v hard to get up to speed on the scientific stuff, and that has made all the difference.  I expect that your medical knowledge is already providing some comfort for your wife.

2.  Showing empathy with kindness and humour: Second thing was resenting being the one enduring the physical torture, especially on the odd occasions when it was ok for husband to down a bottle of wine with his mates.  But of course I didn't expect him not to - how miserable would it be to expect someone else to suffer equally with you?  So I found that i) his acknowledgment of my crappy situation was good enough (as long as he could say 'there there' and hug me, then it was ok).  Also, sense of humour has been massively important: one night, when I was angry and wailing after he hit a blood vessel whilst injecting me, so determined was he to show that he knew how horrible all of this must be for me, he filled a spare syringe with some of the saline provided, and injected his own stomach with it!  His face looked green and queasy as he did it. I honestly tried to stop him, but he was having none of it. My sides were bursting because I was laughing so much.

Although it doesn't make it easy, you must both take comfort from the fact that you're still young, and the statistics are largely on your side!  Good luck!

FS


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

yay well done.good luck for et  

hayley


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## clucky chick (Mar 24, 2006)

and  for et


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## Seychelles (Dec 1, 2007)

Hiya LV8, 

Wishing you loads of     and    for your ET today!


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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