# Feeling like fertility is a lottery draw...



## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Ive gone from feeling determined to start IVF to feeling down in the dumps again...
I try to 'imagine' myself as a mother...but even on the verge of starting IVF its feeling too much like a dream now to ever be true?
I feel like getting pregnant and having a baby would be like a lottery win. We all play the lottery, but how many of us actually win the jackpot? I feel like im buying ticket after ticket after ticket and really the dream has faded and im just buying tickets...whilst everyone else around me is winning?
I think I would collapse in shock if I ever get that positive pregnancy test...

Im just so scared this will never materialise and my daydreaming of being a mother never enters my reality


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

(((Scorpy)))  every word you've written there could be me writing it.  I feel EXACTLY the same as you!  I think about being a mum all the time and imagine a baby but I can't actually believe I could be lucky enough to be in that position.  I simply can't imagine having a positive pregnancy test after all the ongoing disappointments.  There are so many of us out there who feel exactly the same but it's hard out there in 'real life' as it's a taboo subject so nobody knows.  I feel for you xxx


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## VoyageXOXO (Feb 25, 2015)

Hi Scorpy,

I feel exactly the same and my story is very similar to yours.  

Right now I'm on the 2ww after a treatment of Gonal injections and although the nurse says 'good luck' and my folks say 'ooh well maybe', I just dont feel anything apart from numb and can only think of starting the treatment again when (not if) my period starts. I feel guilty as perhaps positive thinking maybe does help but this protective barrier is obviously quite big which is a shame in some ways. 

Anyways, here's hoping for all of us


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Totally - heres to the 'dream' coming true for us all!  

Its so surreal, most people would daydream about winning the lottery, having a mansion and all the riches etc - yet your not actually surrounded by it everyday, whereas our daydreaming about having a baby is so 'normal' to everyone else it seems so near and yet so far for us   

All the luck Voyage for the 2ww! How long have you got to wait now?
Heres to the 'positive' lottery ticket coming in!


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## VoyageXOXO (Feb 25, 2015)

I'm meant to test this Sunday 12th April but have until Sat 18th for my period to start and as my cycles are normally longer then it would realistically take up until then for it to start. I'm so impatient that if it's going to be a negative result yet again then I wish I could know now to start the treatment again. The waiting is so irritating, just feel in limbo. Thank god for this Forum though, it's the only place that lets me feel normal.

Are you starting IVF soon? How do you feel today, any better?


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

A lot of the ladies I met thru this board have felt like you do right now, including myself, for years and years without a baby.
There's no good answer and I don't have the ability to predict the future, all I can do is hopefully send you some reassurance that people do overcome insane odds and you're on the right path having treatment and 'just keeping going' as it's the best way to get there in the end!
One friend has just given birth on her sixth round of IVF, she no longer has tubes and she's 43. Yes, own eggs!
Don't despair and keep hoping for the little bit of magic that makes babies happen. X


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