# New and looking for likeminded people who understand and can offer advise...



## hopeandwishes (Jun 21, 2017)

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to the forum and have been TTC for just shy of 2 yrs, experiencing 1 mc at the very beginning of our journey. My husband and I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We live in Hertfordshire and after a visit to the hospital, we were informed that we need to have been trying for at least 3 yrs before we can be put forward for any treatment/ IVF, which would be July next year.

Like most of the ladies on here I have been frustrated, jealous and had many ups and downs. Most of my friends are having their seconds babies whilst I still don't have the pregnancy. I have tried just about everything to get pregnant again, ovulation tracking, fertility diets, paid for the tests privately because I'm a bit of a control freak who couldn't handle waiting on the NHS etc. etc. I have really been trying to be positive lately and doing quite well, hoping that by some miracle I may just get my baby before having to be referred for IVF. However I'm going through the process of a job change at the moment as my contract is coming to an end. Today, I have found it all very overwhelming and emotional. I feel very lost and am struggling with motivation. I just want to be a mum and my career is just not at the forefront of my mind right now. 

I have joined this forum as I realised that I don't have anyone in my friendship group that I can talk to about the stresses of ttc and the extra pressure that it can add to 'normal' life. My OH is amazingly patient and supportive but there is only so much that I can lean on him. 

I'm concerned that I will have to continue in this frame of mind for the next year, before we will even be put forward for treatment, knowing that having a positive mental attitude is very important when ttc. Has anyone else felt like this and do you have any advise or tips on how I can overcome these feelings? I'm trying yoga and mindfulness but nothing stops the down days. I'd really like to be myself again and stop worrying!

Apologies this is a bit of a moany introduction... It would be great to understand/ feel that i'm not the only one going through this and there are steps I can take to feeling happier.

Thank you!


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Hopes and Wishes
I' so sorry that you are having a tough time and also that no-one has yet replied. The boards are so busy that sometimes a post can be missed. Although you have posted in a correct section of the forum, I wonder if you would have more replies to begin with by posting under the 'Welcome and Intro's' sections where first time posters usually introduce themselves. You will find a link here:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=10.0

Straight duplicates of posts are not allowed but you could do a few small changes and repost there.

After 8 cycles of treatment, I finally have my bundle of mischief but well remember the overwhelming despair and sadness, indeed the almost daily tears. It sounds like you are trying the right sort of things - for me it was our weekend walks in the hills, well removed from pregnant ladies, tv adverts of babies/families and indeed everything! I also found keeping a diary on these boards really useful. It gave me somewhere to download my thoughts when either no-one would listen or I didn't want to bother other people with them.

Sending    You are certainly not alone 
Turia x


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## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Hi Hopeandwishes,

You are not alone. Your post feels like I'm reading my story. I spent a fortune on acupuncture, tried relaxation DVDs, a super healthy diet, no alcohol, all the vitamins you can buy at Boots, even "trying to relax and going on a vacation"... The only thing that helped me a bit emotionally was to exercise a lot to release my anger and try to forget, even for an instant that everyone else but me was getting pregnant.

Try not to get in the cycle of " I can't conceive, so i'm feeling negative, so I'm making it harder to conceive". In my opinion, when we can't conceive, it's not because of our attitude, it's because something is not working properly in our body or our partner's, it's certainly not our fault. 

And be good to yourself. Maybe try to do fun things with your hubby, to change your mind and remind yourself how precious your relationship is.

Hope you get your precious baby soon!


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## Needtotalk (Jul 26, 2017)

Hi! I wanted to reply as I feel like we are in a similar place and I also have no clue how to cope with all these feelings. 
We have been ttc for 4 years and no joy. I am on the start of my ivf journey, I have my first referal appointment this week. I can't offer any advise as of yet... but someone to talk to that is experiencing the same or similar situation would be great.
All my friend have one or two children and I feel very isolated and I often feel sad that it hasn't happened for me, it's really hard to get your head around and people just don't know what to say to you when you do tell them, which make you feel even more alone. 
If you want to talk I'm more than happy too 

Hugs 

Amy xxx


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