# BFN - AGAIN - and feeling down



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Girls

Well I couldnt resist,   is due tomorrow and been having the odd cramp here and there and the usual killer headache is lurking the past few days so I tested and its another   .

You would think after all this time I would be used to it but truth is, its actually getting harder every month.  After sorting out the lube issue this time around and getting the syringes from the GP I really thought we had it all covered this month but of course, its not to be.  

Was talking to DH last night trying to explain to him how every  in a weird way feels like a loss of a baby even though that baby never was if that makes sense.  Its been 6 years and 10 months of BFNs and I just dont know how much longer I can go on.    I see the IVF woman tomorrow and the thought of being put on a 3 year waiting list and abandoned until my name comes up is absolutely terrifying me.   There is no IUI in my area and I dont O unmedicated so I have no chance of conceiving in the 3 year wait.  I think its this knowledge that is making me so depressed when I see the BFN again and again.  

I have requested egg sharing info from my local private clinic but as far as I can tell you have to be under 35 (according to HFEA) although Im sure it says age 36 on my clinics website.  Im sure I wont pass the screening even if my age is ok due to the fact Im so overweight but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained right.  Egg sharing is my only hope of IVF privately as I cannot afford the fees otherwise.  

Today feels like the saddest day of IF so far for me.  To think that money is the only thing that stand in my way of a good chance of conceiving after Clomid is killing me.   I dont get on with my family and DHs family arent really the understanding/emotional type so I really only have you girls for support and Im finding it really hard at the moment.

Sorry to have such a big moan.  Im trying so hard to retain my "oh well, theres always next month" attitude when its looking more and more likely that its just not going to happen.

Oh, by the way, I went out yesterday with the aim of buying the pineapple juice and brazil nuts (it is brazil nuts isnt it?) in case thin womb lining might be a problem and do you think I can find pure pineapple juice - not from concentrate - anywhere?  nope.  Tesco and Asda both dont sell it.  Please, can someone tell me where i can get it from or should I buy a load of fresh pineapples and juice them myself?  Just another hurdle for me to overcome.

Ok, off to have a damn good cry now and try to get this out of my system.  

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## bendybird (Apr 12, 2005)

Hi Witchie Poo Cat,

I'm really sorry that you have tested negative my luv, I know how much you were hoping that it would happen this month.    

Your AF hasn't turned up yet so there is still a chance that it may not arrive 
My friend who told me she was pregnant a few months back said that she tested on her test date and it was negative and then the following morning it was a positive.

I'm so sad to hear about your IVF-IUI situation.  How terrible that you will wait 3 yrs without a chance of conceiving.  I really hope that you are able to do egg share privately    

I still haven't done a single test.  I'm due to test tomorrow as you know but i think i will leave it for a few more days unless AF turns up.  I hate seeing a negative and the longer i wait, the longer i can still dream that it has happened this month.

Hope that you are feeling alittle better soon witchie, sending you loads of   your way.

Take care, BB.x


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

Witchie

I am so sorry   you should have said there was me going on about my +OPK and you are feeling sad.

I bought some  fresh pineapple juice from Morrissons last night (and its very yummy)

I don't know what else to say as IF is horrible and you must be really   today.

Please PM today i hate to think of you home alone when feeling like this.


Sarah


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## vickilou (May 9, 2005)

Oh witchie poo cat im sorry your so down 
At least your seeing the IVF woman tomorrow-so perhaps she will give you some better news or at least where you go from here-surely they cant abandon you??

I too had a BFN this morning and i really thought it would work this month what with the HCG injection and Cyclogest-& prog level 127 now i cant wait for AF to arrive and start the pyscho pills all over again i have only 2 more months of current treatment and then i dont know what... i am thinking i amdefinately going to ask cons next time isee him to be put on waiting list for IVF .rather than IUI 
Pineapple juice -i am not sure if fresh pineapple juice is at all good -you can get 100% pure pressed pineapple juice in tesco which is not from concentrate [but has the bad thing taken out] if that makes sense- i think Dr Minxy will know better
Have to go now..late for work
Take care    
Vickilouxxx


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## tbird (Sep 20, 2005)

Dear witchie ,
               you have just written everything that i have been feeling .BFN for me yesterday and I got myself into such a state   you are so right finding it harder to cope with every month as well. Was at work yesterday and wanted to scream. Had a big argument with my DH when I got home as he cant understand why I get so upset every month. Trying to explain that the feelings you have cant be helped or just switched off  is realy difficult to explain to a man.   wanting a baby is such a basic instinct for a woman you are not in control. I even equated it to a man being told he can never do it again if you know what I mean when he is say in his 30s and living the rest of his life with that .He said that was not the same, but that is as basic an instinct for a man as wanting a baby is for a woman I think.
I know this is daft but I even worry about who we will have when we are old and dont have any children or grandchildren. My DH thinks thats mad  Like yourself once the clomid is finished Im on waiting lists and I dont know if I can face that if I have nothing at the end. So witchie we can be miserable together.Im even upset writing this  I think i am mad 
Best wishes to you you are not alone
TBIRD x


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## KerryB (Mar 7, 2005)

You can def buy "Not from Concentrate" Pineapple juice in Tesco, and the Co-Op, and Sainsbury's, and Morrisons.

I'm so sorry your feeling so low honey. I know its not much consellation but I'll send you a  anyway.

xxxx


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## sunflower girl (Jul 21, 2005)

Hi Witchie Poo

i just wanted to send you a   too. Completely understand how your feeling hun. Just try and keep your chin up, none of us know what is round the corner and we have to believe all our dreams will come true, even though sometimes it's really hard to think they ever will. Get a big cuddle off your pussy kitten this evening, im sure that will help make you feel a little bit better. with regards to the juice, juicing your own would be the best for you i'd reckon.

lots a love Sunflower girl xxxxx


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Girls

Thank you for all your kind wishes and words of support.  I managed to locate the pineapple juice today in a different branch of Asda.  My local branch of Tesco definitely dont sell it as I asked several members of staff and we all went around looking at the fresh and ambient but they definitely didnt have any shelf edge labels or any of the product.  They dont have much of it in the Asda I went to, just one little column in amongst all the orange juice but at least I have a couple of cartons.  Now I just need to know which days to take it and the nuts!

Still feeling utterly blah today  To top it off, my cat is in a particularly independent mood today and doesnt want to be stroked never mind cuddled   fussy little monster he is.

Got myself some custard donuts at Asda so going to go back to bed and scoff them!  Still havent had that cry yet, cant get it out, but no doubt it will come as soon as AF arrives tomorrow.  

I feel so guilty having a moan here as I know all you girls are in exactly the same boat as me and I feel selfish for asking you all to help me feel better.

Normal service to be resumed shortly  

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Aww Witchie hunny....sending you lots of      (albeit cyber ones !)

You are not allowed to feel guilty  Just because we may all be going through similar, doesn't mean that we can't all feel down & in need of some support...that's exactly what we're here for, not just to dispense advice 

but sweetie, don't give up hope as AF not arrived yet & as we all know, it ain't over till the old b!tch arrives...so sending some positive vibes to you from sunny London  

I wish there was something I could do to make everything better...but just wanted you to know that thinking about you...

Enjoy your custard donuts 
Take care
Natasha

PS...pineapple juice is fine but fresh pineapple should be avoided as it may cause uterine contractions (the enzyme bromelain is destroyed in the processing so juice etc ok)
Pineapple juice & brazil nuts are supposed to aid implantation as they have selenium in them which helps to make a healthy womb environment...


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## Twinkle75 (Mar 16, 2005)

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. What you have said is soooo familiar to all of us. It never seems to get easier - every month we build ourselves up with hope and it is so hard when AF arrives. 

Anyway, thinking of you. Wish I was at home eating donuts!!  

x

PS. Sainsburys do fresh pineapple juice - not concentrated - usually on 2 for £3 offer.


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Witchie hun, your words could be coming from my mouth because I feel everything you do.  This AF has hit me so hard, its my 8th on clomid and were into our 6th year of ttc.  Somehow we do pull ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get on, i don't know how and i certainly dont feel like that this month.  Each month is so much harder, you start clomid thinking it can work miracles but with each month that passes you lose faith in it.  I am so sad too and I could   with you really I could.

  Everyone here is here for you, you know that.  Don't want to get your hopes up either but its not over until   shows her evil face.

I get the pinapple juice at asda too but haven't been able to get it from tesco. 

loads of love and hugs


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## Casper (Jul 18, 2005)

Witchie, so sorry you're feeling so awful,   .

My cat is a contrary little madam as well, only wants cuddles when she needs them, bu**er everyone else!

I've found pineapple juice in tesco as well, but for comfort food fresh pineapple pieces with vanilla hagen-das and a flake broken over the top is much nicer.

Hope you feel better,  

N.xx


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## sweetpeapodder (Feb 6, 2005)

Witchie - sending you big hugs - I feel for where you are right now - I am hanging on in denial with all my pms symptoms (I keep saying if I can just hang on without AF for a couple more days!)

I like the sound of pineapple and ice cream


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## Vikster (Oct 11, 2005)

Sending you lots of hugs.  Sounds like you are having a tough time right now but I 'm sure all your dreams will come true soon.


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## baby maggie (Jul 26, 2005)

So sorry hun


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## thinkpositive (Jan 21, 2005)

Witchie we have never spoke here, but I just want to send u a big hug.










and just to say that

 "Hope" is the thing with feathers.
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune without the words.
And never stops.
at all.
Emily Dickenson

dont give up hope hun, it will happen! 
Stella
x


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

sorry you're feeling so low witchie poo.

There's not a lot I can say that you probably haven't heard already - I just hope you start feeling more    soon!

S

xx

(p.s - on the fresh pineapple front - I think I've read somewhere on here that eating fresh pineapple isn't so good for you...you need to take it in the form of the juice as far as I'm aware coz the fresh pineapple has the stuff in it that isn't so good for you - whereas the juice will have had it pressed out of it)


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

yep, it was me on my post on this thread...

"pineapple juice is fine but fresh pineapple should be avoided as it may cause uterine contractions (the enzyme bromelain is destroyed in the processing so juice etc ok)
Pineapple juice & brazil nuts are supposed to aid implantation as they have selenium in them which helps to make a healthy womb environment..."


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## mintball (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi witchie poo,
Am sending you a big  
Hang in there
Emma xx


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## TerriP (Apr 15, 2004)

HI Witchie

We haven't spoken before but wanted to send you a   and let you know that I know how you're feeling.  Dh and I are coming up for 6 years ttc and like you I feel that all the options are being used up gradually.  I had 6 months of Clomid last year all bfn (I don't always ovulate without it), then  one iui, one ivf, one fet all bfn and then this year thought all our dreams had come true when I fell pregnant with ivf twins - I lost them at 22 weeks at the end of August.

I understand how you feel when you pin so much hope on this treatment working, but it CAN and WILL work.  I am trying to look on the positive side that my ivf did work eventually (just my [email protected] body let me down) and it WILL do again.  I am booked in for fet later this month and thought I'd do a sneaky Clomid cycle before hand.  I got a thermometer and have been charting, looks like I ov'd on day 17.  Stupidly I did a test today (28, 11 dpo) and guess what BFN.  I am so upset with myself.  I had this wish that I would be able to cancel my fet because I was going to get pregnant nearly naturally - how stupid am I?  I know there is still a slim chance that I could get a bfp if I test in 3 days but that really would be a miracle wouldn't it  

People who have not been through this if nightmare cannot understand our pain at having our hopes raised so often, just to have them come crashing down again, even our dh's to a degree.  I do not keep in touch with my friends much as they all have children now.  I get the impression that people think I should be over my loss by now - no one can understand what it feels like to lose a baby/potential baby like us girls, that's why it's so important that we are all here for eachother.

Terri


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Terri thats so sad  
I hope your dream comes true for you soon xxxx


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## mintball (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi Terri,
Your post made me cry, I feel for you.
Hope you get your dream soon
Lots of love and luck
Emma xx


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Girls

Sorry I didnt reply sooner, I had an emotional day at the hospital yesterday (will post seperately about that) and didnt come online until late last night.

Thank you sooooooo much for all your kind wishes, it really helped make me feel better knowing so many people were thinking of me.  One of the problems I have had is that I have absolutely no one to talk to and I guess it all builds up like a pressure cooker and eventually something has to give.  I feel better today and more positive about the future and wanted to say a bit thank you to all those who posted and helped lift my mood when i really needed it.

Terri - Im so terribly sorry to hear your tragic news.  Here's me moaning about feeling down TTC and theres you going through all of that, I feel such an eejit.  Sending you a big  and please feel free to PM me anytime if you fancy a chat.

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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