# Has anyone been able to adopt a baby under 6 months?



## auntydanni

Hi guys,

I have recently found out that we need to go down the IVF route and we are considering all of our options including adoption. I was wondering, has anyone been offered the chance to adopt a baby under the age of 6 months? I have many years of experience as a maternity nurse whilst studying for my degree and have had the dream of being a mummy to a tiny baby for as long as I can remember and am finding it hard to let go of this, but I've heard that its extremely difficult if not impossible to adopt a young baby. Just wondered if any one had any stories to share with regards to this.

Thanks for reading.

Danielle 
xx


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## staceysm

Hi Danni,

I think it is virtually impossible.  I know where I live they won't allow more then 40 years of age between the child and the parent.  

We said we would adopt and never go through IVF treatment again, but I am 39 yrs old and was told that it would take between 2 and 3 years to get to the stage of adopting, so we would have been looking at a toddler from most probably 2 yrs of age and upwards.

I am sure that people will judge me, but I would want a younger child to.  I would be worried about problems that an older child could have and I would also worry about bonding with an older child.  My DH's aunt is a foster carer and some of the children she gets have had terrible experiences.  Obviously through no fault of there own.

I 100% admire people who have gone through adoption though.

X


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## Old Timer

Hi

It is very rare to get a baby that young but in the last couple of years there have been a lot more babies under 12 months placed for adoption and with the changes coming in that the Gov are making to speed things up children are going to end up being placed younger though I would say more 6-8 months than under 6 months.

There are a few things to consider here though.  The process can be a lot quicker, we were matched to our DS within 18 months of starting and he was legally 6 months later.  This was before all the changes that have been going on, now there is a lot of focus on getting people approved quicker and matched quicker.

Babies have many more uncertainties than older children.  By the age of 2 they know a lot more about how a child might have been affected by any drugs/alcohol etc in the womb before then it can be very difficult to know what (if any) damage has been caused.  Children regress and do need taking back a stage or 2 when they move into an adoptive family so there is still a lot of babying to do which is great for building bonds and encouraging eye contact and touch.

There isn't an upper age as such, most areas look for no more than a 45 year age gap but it is more important for people to be healthy and able to meet a child's needs.

Children that are older and have lived with birth families are likely to have suffered more and in some cases can have huge amounts of trauma.  No one is going to force you to adopt a child with needs above that you are able to cope with.  You have a massive say in what issues you will take or will consider (as many have wide range scales) and your SW will by then know you so well that they would advise against a child if they thought you couldn't cope.  No one wants a placement to distrupt, it is far too damaging especially to a vulnerable child.
Adoption isn't about finding childless couples babies, its about finding children forever homes.  You have to grieve for your dreams of a tiny baby and what your biological child would be like.  Yes, your ways and beliefs will become part of your adopted child and they may even look like you in many ways but they may not end up with the same likes, dislikes, ability, brains as you and your expectations have to be altered to, and often lowered, to accommodate this.

I went through a lot of tx with my DH, a few MCs and far too much heartache before we ventured on the path to adoption.  Our DS was 27 months old when he came home, our DD was 14 months old.  I love them both more than I ever thought was possible, I don't love DD more because she was younger but I do wish we had been able to experience DS at the younger age and give him the love and care he should of had.  We reached a decision in our lives that living without children wasn't an option for us and at that time there weren't many babies being placed for adoption so we knew a 2 year old was more realistic.  We have 2 fantastic children thanks to adoption, life isn't always easy but being a parent isn't, its extremely hard work regardless of whether a child is adopted or not, adopted children just have more reason behind their behaviours in many cases.

My advice would be to try fertility tx if you really can't let go of having a tiny baby, you have to go into adoption with no regrets otherwise its not fair on the child you adopt.  If you can't do IVF etc then have some counselling and give yourself time to grieve before making any decisions about how to move forward.  Adoption isn't for everyone, I know a lot of people after many years of IVF who decided actually life without children was the better option.  Parenting adopted children isn't going to be the same as having your own, every child, even those removed at birth, will have suffered separation and loss and early trauma.

You can contact adoption agencies within a 50 mile radius and they will all have different ideas of age gaps and time scales.  

Good luck
OT x


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Ad. Bubba was 12 months and 2 weeks when she came home she should have been 9 months but things were delayed due to family bereavement.
Totally agree with ot and if u have any doubts i am sure these would come out during the sessions with a social worker. I love bubba with all my heart she is our lives i am a very lucky mummy and very proud that we have given her love, security and an amazing family who love her to bits 

Good luck x


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## snapdragon

Not that young but a lot of people are getting matches with children under 12 months. I will be 44 when lo comes home in January aged 23 months. I didn't want a younger child due to my age. It has taken us 19 months from initial phone call to bringing lo home but this seems to be reducing. Some couples on the prep group 4 months after mine already have children placed, one couple with a 7 month old.


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## Miny Moo

Concurrent adoption may be worth you reading up on as more agencies seem to be taking this on, it's where you foster 1st with the view to adopting the child. I am not completely up with the ins and outs and I know it does not suit everyone but it does give you another option to look into.


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## auntydanni

Thank you everyone for all your posts. 

Some very informative posts with really crucial information to consider.

Thank you OT for taking the time to write and highlight some really important points, some hard to hear but extremely important nevertheless. You are absolutely right in what you say about adoption being to give children a forever home not to give childless couples a baby, and I really hope I have not come across as selfishly just wanting to put my hand up and be given the perfect baby to walk away with, I am fully aware that thats not even a guaranteed with a normal conception and pregnancy. I guess I am just in that grieiving process part of which is searching; for me the searching is exploring all options particularly as I suppose part of me is wondering if there is a reason we are in this situation and whether we were always meant to be adoptive parents.......but having been for so many years the person to help others with their babies, and waiting to meet someone to settle down with and have my own, it just seems ironic that I may not get that chance. I realise we are very early days and I probably sound incredibly negative!! But I have been surprised at how many people on here have not had success through IVF so I suppose I am just preparing myself for this possibilty.

Thank you again for all of your posts, I appreciate your time and you have raised points/ideas that I had not considered previously and will certainly discuss with DH. I am finding this all really hard but having the support and being able to draw on the experience of the lovely ladies on here is helping immensely. 

Danielle
xx


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## BECKY7

Hey auntydanni  have you thought about embyro donation or fostering as I am fostering a young girl at the mo and still going though TX . I did have a call for 1 year old baby and 1 month old baby but the mother won the court case  so we didn't get any babies yet (poor little thing)  I too wanted to adopt a very young baby but I got to have a baby of my own 1st and because I do fostering they said I can adopt straight away whenever I am ready  so there are lot of option as I will do embryo donation when I get to 42  so another 6 month of DIUI for me.
Becky7 xx


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## panorama

Hi


It's really hard to adopt a very young baby as most people have explained on here. Mostly the legal process can take a while so the youngest normally ends up about 8-10 months if you are lucky. Some la's are doing concurrent fostering/adopting where babies are fostered very young and may end up getting adopted but that is a risk as may not work out. 


We found out about our ds when he was 6 months but due to legal stuff ended up meeting him at 10 months, still a baby 


Good luck!


Panorama x


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## peacelily

Hi Danielle,


Our son was under 6 months when he was placed with us    at the time we were 32 and 34 I think. We are now adopting for a second time, and our upper age limit is 12 months - we are now 36 and 38.  It does happen!


Peacelily xx


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## beachgirl

Our DD was 9 months when she came home...we were approved for a child under 2 and wanted as young as possible and our dreams came true


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## Little Miss Giggles

We're in the middle of the process at the moment and we've been told there are lots of under 2s in our LA. Did hear of a match at 4 months but that's not the norm, more 9 months+

However on initial meetings we were told they were only looking for parents for 2+ so just because you're told something at the beginning doesn't mean that will be the case once you're further on in the process.


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## Kaytie

We were matched with our DS when he was just over 4 months old, he moved in at just under 6 months. But all the legal stuff was going through smoothly due to nature of adoption, so that's a bit different and less common in terms of adoption. Just like Little Miss Giggles we were also told at the start that the youngest we could expect was around 2ish, which we accepted at the time anyway. We are delighted with our little man and couldn't love him more, guess it's all about being in the right place at the right time, etc, etc. Good luck on whatever you decide to do xx


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## nutmeg

We are the same as Kaytie - linked at 4 months and dd will be coming home and just over 6 months (would have been earlier if it weren't for Christmas). This is very unusual though and we had prepared for a LO of 18-24 months. Our DD will be the younges our SWr has ever placed and he's been doing it for over 20 years.


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## Suzie

My youngest son was placed from the hospital at birth as a foster child as he was relinquished at birth. Then his birth mums wishes for him matched us so we applied to adopt him  
If he had moved from us he would have been placed with adopters when he was around 6 months 
Usually its the relinquished babies that are placed youngest as it is a bit less complicated legal wise

x


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## E3021

Hi,

We adopted siblings and as the older one had already been released for adoption the baby was matched with us really quickly - the courts got on with it so the girls could be placed together.

They came home to us at just under 18 months and 6 months so I got to have her in our room, do all the night feeds, do weaning, see her learn to crawl and now learn to walk, see the first teeth come through.

They are both fabulous and I love them both to bits but for me theicing on the cake has been having a proper baby as like you, it's what I'd dreamed of for so long.

The girls look so like me and dh that we know they were absolutely ,want for us. Adoption can be magical, yes it's hard, but it's also fantastic.

Ooh and they came home to us exactly 15months after our initial phone e call so not exactly a long process from start to finish.

Good luck


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## E3021

Should say meant for us!!


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## thespouses

We did, but from abroad.
We are thinking of applying for concurrent adoption or possibly straightforward foster care in the future. This is partly because we have had such a lovely experience with our tiny little boy (not so tiny now!) but also because we feel that it would be better to have our children have similar histories - I have seen families where one child had a much worse start than another and it's hard to explain to children why one of them had to go through something when the other didn't.


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