# Unapologetic Rant



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

If you'd rather not read a selfish diatribe of ticked offed-ness please look away now.

Today I am having a baby shower. Granted some friends and family don't live that close to me.

This morning I have been receiving "husband sick" "dog ate homework" etc type reasons why people now can't make it. There's a core group of close family and friends coming (about 4 people in total)

I am so angry - I have been bridesmaid 13 times, Godmother, friend and have travelled halfway around the world to celebrate milestones with these people. 

Very hurt that on this THE most important milestone of my life, they can't be bothered to take a few hours to celebrate with me.

One friend said "I will make it up to you". Don't people know or understand that this is such a momentous occasion? Do I need to shove a pillow up my dress or what?

So upset it's hard to describe without sounding like a selfish moaner. 

Well at least there will be loads of champagne for me and food I have made! 

Aaaarrrrrgh!


----------



## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

Hey hun I think that rant was well called for consider how you feel are being treated. I do think that there is a totally different approach to adoptive mummies and its wrong really. Adopting is just as exciting as having a BC if not more so in some ways. I am sorry people have let you down hun. It's not just you though. We have DS who is mine and is 9 but our best friends have a DD who is a year almost 2. They have a group of new friends they have from play dates etc and very often hubby phones his best mate to go out somewhere only to be told he is busy, then it turns out that he has been out with his DDs friends' fathers. Said to DH we may get more of a look in when we get a LO/sibling for DS. Have a lovely shower with the four dependable peeps.  
Big    and enjoy the champagne. xxxx


----------



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks Brummie! Have done a recount and numbers are up by 20% to 5!

I'm sure once your LO comes along you'll be involved again - shame though because its a great life lesson for you 9 yo to be around younger children. Thoughtless of your friends to just assume you won't be interested :-( 

Thanks for the virtual hug - I need it xxx


----------



## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

You're welcomes hun hope your day turns out to be truly excellent  xx


----------



## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I don't mean to sound unhelpful, but I have never been to a baby shower in the UK (you are in the UK?) for any birth or adopted child.  It just doesn't seem to be a thing here. It's a bit like saying you're having a party for, I don't know, first day in your new job - it's a nice occasion, but it's not really a common thing to have a special party for.

Sorry you're feeling like this though.


----------



## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Summertilly you have every right to feel hurt and let down. It sounds like you have bern an amazing friend and confidont to others. Ive found with people they are scared of the unknown and that they do not know to act around the word adoption.if there is anything i have learnt through this journey is who my friends and even family are. Ive weeded the weak links out . A baby shower is a celebration and its the 2nd best day against a wedding where its all about you and so it should be. Stand strong and tall as you are the better person. If your so called friends want to make excusses us then stuff them . When your LO comes along it will be good to see who is still standing beside you through it all. Big hugs anf have a fantastic baby shower x


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

well I'm here at your baby shower in spirit..supporting a fellow amazing mummy- to- be  
  to all those friends and family who dont know how amazing the path you are about to step on to is going to be


sending love and best wishes...


kj x


----------



## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Summertilly, hope you have managed to have a good day and make the most of your special occasiwither the friends and famiy that did come along. Your rant was well justified in my opinion   we spend all of our lives celebrating milestones with others, what's so wrong in wanting them to get excited about adoption and your new future as a mummy. 

Enjoy drinking the bubbles


----------



## Dawn7 (Sep 10, 2013)

I think entitled to rant, with everything you've been through and finally ur going to be a mum (best thing ever!) and people want to cancel, really is terrible, especially when you've been there for them.
I think baby showers are something the UK is starting to do as it's a lovely thing to celebrate.
I cant believe someone said there husband was ill, well he would probably sleep all day and they could've had fun and celebrated this special time with you. It's not like your baby shower would be an all day thing, even showing for a couple of hours would've been enough.
Anyway as you said more bubbly for you (don't think the people who cancelled were worth it) 
Hope you had a nice day, with the friends/family who wanted to be with you 

Keep us all posted when you get LO xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Husband ill is the most budget excuse for flaking ever.  It makes me furious.  Are we talking ICU, cannot walk or feed himself ill?  If not, leave him with a box of tissues and some chicken soup!

We did a very intimate afternoon tea for three with my best friends for her baby shower and if I didn't get the same treatment because I am adopting rather than birthing I would be very upset so I don't think you are overreacting at all.  However, just remember if you have four lovely friends then you have got all you need.  Tough times help you weed out those who are not useful to you.  Just a handful of wonderful people will get you through xxx


----------



## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

thespouses said:


> I don't mean to sound unhelpful, but I have never been to a baby shower in the UK (you are in the UK?) for any birth or adopted child. It just doesn't seem to be a thing here. It's a bit like saying you're having a party for, I don't know, first day in your new job - it's a nice occasion, but it's not really a common thing to have a special party for.
> 
> Sorry you're feeling like this though.


I agree in that it's not so much the done thing in the UK, but that's not really the point - summer's been a faithful, loyal friend to these people and they bloody well should make the effort - if someone's hubby is ill not sure why that stops the wife attending! I'm with you summer and we're all with you at your baby shower in spirit. As a single adopter they should make all the more effort for you! Honestly some people....fetch my soapbox! Hope you had a lovely time despite your non-attendees ..... Not long to go until intros...xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Gosh people I know must be fairly Americanised I thought baby showers were the norm these days.  

Summer I am sorry.  You have been an amazing friend and deserve the same in return.  I don't think there is anything wrong in this situation telling people you feel very let down. However I agree that quality is far better than quantity so four great people is wortha thousands times most than twenty flakes x x


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

friends threw us a baby shower for DD and that was over 6 years ago..


----------



## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

Summer Tilly

Hope you've had a lovely day, I think you're more than entitled to rant, it's sad when you're friends aren't making the effort that you have for them, somehow they forget that this is such a momentous occasion for you and they should be there to celebrate with you.  I have to admit that I have only received one congratulations on the birth of your baby boy card and that was from a dear friend at work, he even apologised that it was a birth card rather than an adoption card but I really didn't mind, it was the sentiment that meant so much. I haven't had any cards from anyone else and if I was honest I'm really sad about this. Anyway enough self reflection, hope you've enjoyed the extra champagne, roll on intros for you xx


----------



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks everyone  we had a lovely afternoon and it was wonderful just to get together with friends for father, champagne and cakes. My last "hurrah" until LO arrives and it was lovely just spending my last Sunday afternoon before I become a mummy celebrating with these dear friends - 7 of us in the end and I am pleased to say that it was definitely quality over quantity ! Plus despite the quantity of fizzy I drank, I am hangover free this morning and feel bright as a button and ready to leap into the day - lots to do and only 3 sleeps until I meet my daughter xxx

Thanks once again for your support - it means the world


----------



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

I meant "chatter" not father hee hee


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Sounds lovely summer glad you had a wonderful time x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Summer, maybe you are still drunk?!!


----------



## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

Hope you don't mind but I read your post and I'm glad you had a lovely baby shower in the end. 

My situation is not the same but I realised who my real friends were when I lost two babies within 3 mths of each other and if I had a baby shower then not many people would come either. But I know if I invited my ff pals then there wouldn't be any room left in the house.

lots of love xxx


----------



## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Glad you had a nice time, champagne and cake with a few quality friends sounds really lovely   

In fact, you have inspired me to think about a baby shower, hopefully sometime in the new year, once we are approved and matched.

Xx


----------



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

ST - glad you had a nice day & looking forward to your family x

Summer girl - our cards all arrived after intros/ placement. We got quite a few baby ones (actually didn't know you could get adoption ones duh!) but I liked that. You might be surprised but if not then its their loss!
I'm still annoyed/upset with some family not sending cards after everything we've done but hey ho. My little man will never know these people closely.
Ps I'm afraid I really don't like showers as when pregnant I'd was so terrified I would jinx things so felt the same with adoption until lil man home. Doesn't excuse your friends though as it's what you wanted & could've done with them showing you the support you've always given.
X


----------



## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Glad you had a nice day  

I too have been to every christening , baby shower been numerous bridesmaid s, been to see babies with presses straight after the birth etc etc ....be interesting to see what happens when we get a match lol ! 

I think your. Rant was totally relevant huni xxxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Summer - I'm glad the 7 that attended were the 'best' people to celebrate with.. sadly sometimes people don't think to return the loyalty others give so freely. HOWEVER never let that change you/make you less giving cause after all it's about being the wonderful person YOU are as opposed to what others fail to be xxxxxxxxxxxx Congrats on the soon arrival of your forever daughter xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Jess1ca (Jan 18, 2011)

I hope you don't mind me posting as I am not really in the same situation but I felt that I had to say something. I am so pleased to read that you had some good friends who made the effort for you and that you enjoyed it. The way in which you become is mummy is totally immaterial what matters is that you are one and that should be celebrated for you. Raising a bubbly glass to you and your new baby!


----------



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks everyone!  Very exciting times and I'll see what happens when LO arrives   I'm sure that will make it more 'real' for me and for my friends and family too.

I know what you mean about showing up for every event - that's certainly what I've done throughout my life - now my time and attention is going to have a significant focus - my own forever family


----------



## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

So pleased you had a good time SummerTilly xx


----------



## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

summer girl said:


> Summer Tilly
> 
> Hope you've had a lovely day, I think you're more than entitled to rant, it's sad when you're friends aren't making the effort that you have for them, somehow they forget that this is such a momentous occasion for you and they should be there to celebrate with you. I have to admit that I have only received one congratulations on the birth of your baby boy card and that was from a dear friend at work, he even apologised that it was a birth card rather than an adoption card but I really didn't mind, it was the sentiment that meant so much. I haven't had any cards from anyone else and if I was honest I'm really sad about this. Anyway enough self reflection, hope you've enjoyed the extra champagne, roll on intros for you xx


See now that WOULD totally tick me off. We got a good showing of cards and gifts including from older relatives who don't really get adoption. Some came quite a few months later though, I think some wanted to wait for it to be final, or didn't get round to it, but we sent announcements at placement and many people responded right away.


----------



## happypenguin (May 8, 2013)

So glad to hear that your day was as special as you'd hoped.
Congratulations and here's to more wonderful times ahead


----------

