# A different kind of Stork ...



## waywardstork

After four and a half years of fertility treatment, it feels really strange to be starting on another rollercoaster ... in another theme park ..... with the same ups, downs and long waits as before, but for different reasons.

It's been a long 4 years.  I hope that's it's taught me patience - I'll be needing it in the year or more to come.  I feel overwhelmed, in a way.  Despite feeling good about starting the adoption route, there are still worries.  Small niggles - the kind that make you check with yourself that what you are doing is the right thing for you.  The answer always come back as 'YES!  You are!'.

Our first steps on our journey were made in October last year, 2010.  DH and I chatted and decided to contact our LA and find out about adoption.  I don't think DH was really convinced, but was willing to 'go along with it' for my sake.  

Well ... the open evening for adoption through our LA changed that totally!  DH was so inspired .  He came home beaming.  I don't mean just saying, 'Yeh, we can do this.'  He was a changed man.  He was totally on board, keen, eager and wants to adopt now!  What a fab feeling for me.  I feel like I can look forward again - start dreaming about one day being a Mummy.   

We had our initial social worker visit in January.  I was so nervous - cleaned the house from top to bottom, got box of biscuits for tea, worried, didn't sleep the night before ... etc.  Sure lots of you can relate to this!  It went ok.  DH felt more positive about it than I did.  I just didn't really feel the sw saw the best of me .... DH was his charming self and chatted away, but I never really felt that I got the chance to open up.  Was worried I'd blown it.  BUT - at the end, she said that she would recommend to go on the course!  Woo hoo!

Waiting ....... horrible isn't it!?
Took ages for that phone call to confirm that we were on the first course.  Parenting and Loss.  Sitting around and talking about our infertility journey.  Worrying about what they expected us to feel about it! ....

But on 16.Feb.1 1, the course day arrived.  It was an awkward day.  At first anyway.  After an hour or so, we all warmed to each other and were able to open up, chat, share and have a laugh.  It wasn't as bad as we though it might be.  Message came through loud and clear ... 'we are allowed to grieve the loss of a potential birthchild'.  AND ... it may hit us in years to come, and that's ok too!

Now we wait till Monday .... three days.  Wait.  See the sw again and then we find out if we are being 'put through' to the prep course.  Please, please let us get on.  ......


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## liveinhope

am sure you will get through! But waiting is definitely the worst bit.  Guess there's gonna be a lot more of that in the next year!

H xx


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## waywardstork

Thank you liveinhope.   

Well, we had our sw visit this morning.  It was really quite informal and more of an easy chat that an interview.  DH and I were both quite at ease.  We chatted lots over the weekend and both agreed that we were ready and wanted to move forward. 
The sw said a few lovely things to us and made us feel that she saw us as good candidates, which was great.  I have read other diaries where people have said that the sw's they have worked with have given so little away that they weren't sure if the sw thought them suitable adoptive parents or not.  So - glad to have some positive feedback.   

I went to Bluewater with a friend later during the morning.  Popped into Lego, Early Learning Centre ... allowing myself a little dreaming ... and storing some ideas for next year.    Did the same yesterday when DH and I went to Ikea!  So many ideas flying around in my head ... a list building of all the things I will need to buy later on.  Should start making lists for the future - or I will have forgotten all these ideas by then.  

Anyway ... only two and a half weeks until the prep course ......


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## Camly

great news  least u dont have long to wait til the prep grps.  keep us posted.


love camly xx (ur ** matey    )    xx


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## waywardstork

*Prep Course - Day 1*

Today was/is my birthday  and our first day of the prep course. I can think of worse things to be doing on one's birthday - and if I'm honest, more selfishly enjoyable ones too.

Taking cake for all to enjoy was a good idea  - broke the ice, gave us something to look forward to at tea break ...

Not too much to report as far as the day goes. It was good. Not earth-movingly new and life changing stuff, but lots that left you with things to think about. Each step seems to re-affirm that what we are dong is the right thing. It is so encouraging to me to have my lovely DH so very enthusiastic about the whole process. He is so fired up about being adoptive parents. 
It was me motivating and organising and 'going through things' during IVF (probably because as a woman, I really was the one who had to!), and now he is more than an equal partner in each step. What a wonderful feeling - to feel able to share this process 100% with each other. Does that sound  ?

I think that what stuck with me today was that everyone feels worried about wether they are 'good enough' for the children who need us. Part of me feels terrified about what we are about to do .. but I know I am not alone in that feeling. Others feel that too! The other thing that stood out for me was how profound the losses will be for our child/children before they come to us. 

Anyway ... not long now until our next day, day 2. Just 6 days to get our homework done!  I'll be needing to motivate hubby to do his reading .... although he is 100% eager ... that doesn't stretch as far as reading and answering the questions. lol 

Will catch up again next week. xxx


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## Guest

So glad things are going well for you.

I think we all worry whether we are good enough - and even more so once we have littlies to take care of!

Bop


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## Camly

glad ur first day at prep grp went well.   and happy bday again sweetie. hope u had a good birthday xxxxx


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