# Humphhh............



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi all

just abit of rant from me....sorry    i was talking to my mum about possible sibling grp we have been told about - very very very early days.  told my mum some background info and medical stuff etc - eyesight probs, development delay and few other things - nothing serious tho.  because we missed out on another match we are being vey cautious this time.  my mum had said that we should be careful what we feel that we can take on etc. 'this will be your first family and if there are 2 kids with medical problems/delays then it may be quite difficult'.  i think she thinks we are trying to be a 'hero' and take on kids with problems. ended up saying to her that of course there is going to be some delay etc due to the terrible things some of these children have been thru etc and we are not going to end up with a 'perfect' child (if that makes sense withouth being too harsh).  how can i help her understand the things that may happen with children we may adopt?  

im not saying that its going to be easy but just makes me feel quite    im very close to my mum and she is normally so supportive, so i know she wouldnt have meant it too sound so harsh) 

thanks for reading. x x x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

It is hard isn't it when you just want people to understand.  However your mum would only have been thinking of you  

In our wait we read CWW and BMP and mum would have a flick whenever she came round so had an idea of some of the issues some children face.  There is also an adoption book for grandparents and other relatives which may help her understand? 

Best of luck with this link


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

thanks wynn.  i know it must be difficult for my mum, i sometimes struggle too    just felt abit   when she was talking about the kids etc.  fingers crossed all will work out.....

thanks again x x x x x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

My Dad always used to worry that we would take on more than we could handle, I guess most people only hear about children with lots of problems needing adopting and the breakdowns that happen as like everything none of the good stuff is reported as its not interesting!

I just said to my Dad that he had to trust us and that we wouldn't take on any children with any known issues that we knew, if anything happened to us, our extended family couldn't cope with.  He seemed happy with that and now if anything did happen to us he'd be the first to take our DS in.

Its only natural for our parents to worry about us, not sure of your history but if they have seen you go through the heartache of ivf as well they will only be wanting the best for you and for you not to get hurt anymore.

OT xx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

thanks OT.  Appreciate you replying.    I know my mum must be finding it tough as well, im her baby girl after all - even tho im 31!    i think it just cause im thinking about what if's and but's and will we cope etc etc etc.  sometimes think my head could explode just thinking! (not that im prob any diff from anyone else).

thanks again. x x x x x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Camly  

I remember talking to my dad about the skills I have and how I felt my skills would be very useful.  My dad said they were good skills, but maybe adoption wasn't the right place to use them.  That hurt me, why couldn't he trust me, I'm a grown up after all and could make sensible decisions about what we took on?

Now I have the opposite problem.  Dino could have significant special needs and health issues, he has hospital appointments every week and every indication of having a "syndrome" but my mum says he's fine, nothing to worry about when I try to talk to her about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that parents are funny creatures.  They love us dearly, but sometimes forget that we're all grown up now!  It's their job to worry.  

Hope you are doing ok, and have some news soon
Bx

P.S. just realised I'm a parent now, shouldn't really describe myself as a funny creature!


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

Hi Boggy

Thanks for your msg. Will PM u x x x


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## fuzzywuzzy (Sep 3, 2009)

Hi Camly

I too think parents are funny creatures (no offence!).  We've been through parents reacting positively to things, negatively and positively again!  I think they find it hard at times to accept the fact that we are adopting - I mean when they really, really think about it and realise what it may mean for the future.  We had a link a few months ago and there were a couple of issues that we were a bit concerned about so spoke to our parents - they were really accepting and were right behind us 100% - totally a different reaction to what I had expected!

Think the main thing is to communicate with parents - whether it's face to face or in an email and if you feel able to (whichit sounds like you are) include them a bit.

I expect she just has your best interests at heart. x


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya fuzzy

yeah think we agree - funny creatures   obviously til we become parents    im going to my mums for dinner tonight so i will try and explain abit more. fingers xd.    tough going isnt it?  

good luck with your journey x x x x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Camly - big    I know how disheartening it can be when your mum says something you don't expect or isn't as supportive as you expected her to be. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you and is just trying to protect you and make sure you're sure about the children you're being considered for. After the other potential match you had she's probably gone into overdrive on wanting to protect you.    Like you say you're still her little girl   

Good luck, CG xxx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

thanks cg.    i know she is just worried about us.  spoke to my mil today and she was kidna saying the same things.  i know its just cause they care - we are lucky in that sense but at the time i was like    

thanks again x x  x x x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Camly - tell me about it .... the number of times my Mum's made me feel     Just think we've got all that to come and of course we'll never wind our kids up will we   

CG xx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hopefully    the joys!    x x x


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