# Dont know how I feel...PLEASE read *



## twocer (Jul 4, 2007)

Hi this is my first posting & would like to say hi to all & ask u the experts for advice .My dh & I (both of us 31y)have been ttc for 2y8m & have had our 1st hosp. appoint this week,where we were advised im not ovulating (dh sperm analaysis is a-ok)and have been given a 4mth prescription for clomid,advised blood will need to be done on day 21 and to have sex every other day while taking tablets & If no joy By medication we would need referal for IVF..While i know I have not been ovulating (as never yet had positive home test) I really found it all quite daunting to say the least and even got upset when the nurse advised plenty of sex...I feel like its all so clinical with an endless series of tests & investigations.My dh response to IVF was "if its a doners egg we use wont it be like mine & Mary Elllens Baby and not like ours..mine & his"...to my reply was "that is as good as it gets", but in a marraige where children are so fundamentally important to us both that I am worried what effect this will have on us.Also this is made worse by the fact I cant talk to family as they dont know about our current problems and put it down to it must be me putting my career 1st and we not trying for baby when nothing could be so nfar from the truth..also ALL my friend are either pregnant or got babies already which i feel I cant talk to them...please can u reply any advice welcome as i feel so alone in all this...& noyhing more than a baby makin machine not in good workin order at the moment...thanking you


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi & welcome to FF 

You have definitely found the right place for support & advise.

Sorry to hear you're not ovulating (or at least, not ovulating regularly). Have you already had progesterone blood tests to confirm you're not ovulating at all ?

Progesterone blood tests are usually done on cd (cycle day) 21 but this just assumes that you ovulated on cd14 with a regular cycle of 28 days. Not everyone will ovulate on cd14. Progesterone peaks at 7dpo (days past ovulation) and so should ideally be tested at this time...if you ovulate earlier or later in your cycle than cd14 then try to get tested accordingly eg if you ovulate on cd16 then get the progesterone blood test done on cd23. (Progesterone blood test is the commonly called cd21 test).

Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) which I assume you mean by your home tests, do not show ovulation. These detect the LH (lutenising hormone) surge before ovulation and you'd usually ovulate around 36 hours later. If you're using these at the wrong time of your cycle (too late/early) then this could be why you're getting negative results. Ideally you should start using these from around cd10 onwards.

Have you had FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and LH blood tests done ? These are done between cd2 - cd4/5 of your cycle and check your ovarian reserve (how many eggs you have left) and also whether you may have PCOS or not...if have PCOS then can mean no ovulation or sporadic ovulation and irregular cycles.

There are many many women who have used clomid and it's been successful so try not to run away with yourselves that you may need IVF. Why not check out the Clomid board & you can chat to other ladies who are taking this...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=34.0

Also, can I ask why your DH would mention about donor eggs ? IVF doesn't necessarily mean you would use someone else's eggs  Many women are able to use their own eggs. There are many reasons why some women may use donor eggs, including because they are older and their own egg quality is poor or they have reached menopause or had early menopause so not producing their own...is there any reason why you would think you need donor eggs. I'm 38 and am still using my own eggs for IVF.

I can totally understand why you feel it's all so clinical....sometimes it can feel that spontaneous lovemaking has become regimented babymaking.

I would try to make sex as fun as possible and as long as you have as regularly as feasibly possible around your "fertile" time then you should be fine. If you're taking clomid then you'd usually ovulate around 5-9 days after taking the last pill (that's on average, obviously everyone's different). The best time to have sex would be the days leading up to ovulation as sperm can live for around 3-5 days whereas an egg will only survive about 12-24 hours once released ie after ovulation.

Anyway, wishing you lots of luck 
Natasha


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## sharon1973 (Apr 9, 2006)

Twocer,

I'm afriad that it does get very clinical when you get to this stage.

Can I ask why are you talking about donor eggs at the moment ?

Just because your not ovulating properly doesn't mean that you have to use a donor.  I didn't ovulate properly and I was put on clomid (never got pregnant) and it sorted out my cycle for me (luckily).  Yes making love does become sex and very clinical but there is a reason why you are doing it.

As long as your Dh is supportive I don't see a problem for you and him but problems do occur with going through what you and I and many others have gone through and are going through.

Why can't you talk to your family? You need all the support you can possible get now and in the future.  Without my family behind me 100% I don't think I could have coped.

Good luck

Sharon xx


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

Hi babes firstly let me give u a big cyber hug   

Sorry ur feeling so down its very hard and daunting when ur going through fertility problems it seems like its u against the world of pregnant ladies. Please dont feel alone as all of the ladies on this site are going through what u are and if there not going through it then they have experienced the same pain at some point along the journey. Maybe they can give u something to get u ovulating without u having to use the route of donar eggs, when i was told that i would need IVF i was devastated my world completely collapsed infront of me and i could not face the fact that things would not happen naturally as all me and dp wanted was a baby together and why was that so hard to achieve 
Its very easy along the IVF journey to loose sight of the end goal as u are dealing with so many emotions and we sometimes forget in a way what we are trying to achieve, im sure your plans will work out fine and ur achieve the baby u so much want.   Make sure u spend quality and loving time with ur partner and discuss what scares u and how u want to begin this journey as im sure that will make things so much easier for u and u wont feel so alone as for ur family i decided not to tell my family the second time around of doing IVF as they gave me more head stress and was constantly asking questions the 1st time around and then when it didnt work they didnt give me any support which really hurt me so if i were i would maybe talk to a good trustworthy friend or us ladies would be happy to be ur support line. 

I really hope u feel a little better honey and remember we are all here for u and have all experienced the pain ur going through. xx
Feel free to PM me at anytime.

Goodluck and takecare xxxxxxxxxxxx
shye xxxxxxxxxx


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

hi just wanted to welcome you and say you have come to a fantastic site full of support and advice. 

why not come and join us on the clomid board where we can support you through taking these crazy pills    and answer any queries you may have. 

   good luck hun

love jo xxx


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## surferchick (Jan 20, 2007)

Hiya,

Just wanted to welcome you as well. This is a brilliant site and I've made some really good friends through it.

Even people who don't 'know' you post and give you support.

Good luck with your treatment.

Surferchick xxx


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## ju (May 31, 2004)

HI , 

Welcome to fertility friends you will get lots of support , make friends and get all of the answers to questions that you will ever need to ask!

I just wanted to say that what youre feeling is a normal reaction and it does feel like its all too clinical ..I too like yourself was told I wasnt ovulating and prescribed clomid ,  I felt a total failure ! I endured twelve months of the drug and its various side effects to no avail but there have been lots of ladies had success with it all . You should join the clomid girls thread.  It helped me to ovulate eventually which was a positive thing, after lots of waiting we eventually done our first ivf and now Im  Pregnant .

This is a  rollercoaster journey and you will get lots of support here on the way and never lose sight of your dreams, you will learn lots, laugh and cry lots     

Ive seen some of my friends and family onto their second and third pregnancies all in the time weve been trying for a family. You will find they try to understand you but the reality,  I feel is , theyve never had to face the feelings you are having . The ups , the downs the endless appointments , docs and nurses examining you,  they cannot begin to understand your predicament and if you can accept that then you will be ok   

The secret is to be supportive to each other and to talk to each other each step of the way and to try and make it fun. There is a lot for you both to get your head around and remember men deal with thought and feelings in their own time and space here is a place for you to come to for support. To  be honest going through this brought me and my Fiance even closer together than we already were.

Wishing you both good luck on your journey !  

The important thing to realise also is that you are both not alone even though many times you may feel like you are and that at the end of the day you both have each other too.

Love Ju x x


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## jes4 (Aug 18, 2007)

Hiya! Welcome to a great site - i'm quite new to it too, and have already found it really useful, and a great place to chat to other people who realy understand what you're going through. I really didn't feel i had any one to talk to about things (my friends, like yours,all seemed to be pregnant, or have babies already), and it did take me 6 months to get round to sharing what we were going through with my mum, who i'd normally talk to about anything. So i joined FF!

Like you, i'm on clomid as i don't ovulate naturally (PCOS). Have mixed feelings about the drug - it hasn't been working as well as i'd hoped, but at least it gives us a chance! I have follicle tracking scans on about day 10 of my cycle, to check and see whether things are happening, and then the gyn tells us whether to go for it or not!! (my DH and I have to laugh about it all or i think we'd go crazy!!!)

Like jo said on a previous post, the ladies on the clomid board are lovely and v welcoming to us newbies! Plus they have a wealth of experiences, if you have any questions! 

If you fancy a chat, do PM me! 

big  and lots of luck

jes XXX


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi twocer, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

Firstly, let me say you have not left it too late at all. If you have been trying as long as that, then it seems to me that you have started at a nice sensible age. It's not your fault things are taking longer than you hoped. 
I think you are getting very much ahead of yourself regarding donor eggs etc. and you need to slow down, take a breath and handle what you know to be true now. If, at some point down the line, you ever do find donor eggs on the cards then you will receive plenty of counselling and support to help you come to a decision about that. Many ladies here have used donor eggs and it does not make them any less that child's mother - parenthood is about more than just genetics!
As I said though, slow down and face what you know you have to come now - i.e. your clomid. This might well do the trick for you (well, with lots of sex too) but if, sadly, it doesn't, then there will proabbly be other tests etc. that you will undergo before being referred for IVF. 
I completely understand what you mean about finding sex regimented during this time. I never really did master the art of that and, for a good long while sex was just very unpleasant necessity for me, probably not helped by all the legs up the wall and pillow under the bum malarky that followed it! In fact, I distinctly remember it being something of a relief to be told we needed IVF as the pressure to perform was off so to speak.  
As Natasha says, try and make it fun and try and see some humour in the situation. Find other ways to express your love and affection for each other and don't beat yourself up too badly if you find one or both of you don't feel up to it on a particular occasion.

As well as that link to the clomid boards that Natasha has already left, I am going to leave you a few more links to check out:

*Meanings ~ *CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Girl & Boy talk - Community board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the location boards. This is especially useful to find people from the same clinic as you.

We also have a newbie night in the chat room every Friday (times vary), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.
 CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

C~x


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## AJM30 (Sep 3, 2007)

Hi,
Im new here too. I think we've found a good place to come. Like you i have struggled to get my head around the clinical(ness) of needing help trying to have a family. I have spent alot of time thinking why me. I have come to the conclusion i am going to take things one step at a time. I feel i can deal with things in bite size chunks. Ive also told myself that whats worse? Having to accept help? or not getting a much wanted child?
Talk to your DH. I find mine doesnt need to talk about what we're going through anyway near as much as i do but he understands that i do.
Hope to chat to you again,
Ali xx


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

Hi Twocer,

I just wanted to say hi and welcome to FF, this site is fantastic for support and information.

I too dont ovulate regular due to irregular periods (pcos) and was prescibed clomid. My advice would be to try not to think about it, and try taking some pressure off yourself. Clomid has worked for many ladies so think   that it will work for you.

Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? I felt i couldnt talk to family and friends about ttc and i found it hard to talk to my DP as i didnt want to upset him with how i was feeling. I found my councellor to be great and it really helped to be able to talk to someone who would listen.

I wish you all the luck in the world  

Huggles
Nikki xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  twocer  


There isnt much more I can add to your replies except to say I hope one day soon you will be sharing your good news here with us, For me the Clomid years are a long time ago, and to be honest I dont remember much from them, my Other half says I was evil on clomid  but thats another story . . .
I also wanted to let you know that Clomid does work, my best mate is expecting after her first cyclle on it  Made me  for weeks!
As others have said take things one step at a time, one day at a time stay focused on the end result, 
youve already done the hardest part - youve asked for help and seen the fertility experts and joining us here will support you in more ways than you will believe.

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for your home town & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi *twocer* and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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