# Feeling low and afraid its never going to happen for me :(



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

In a total mess this weekend, just feel im never going to be a mum i really cant cope living liek this anymore.. how the hell do i gain strength to carry on


----------



## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Hi Mrshol,
trying to conceive is such an intense journey. AMH is not the end all and be all....quality of eggs is. The fact that you are 29 is a definite advantage. I'm an old bird but had my baby at 41 via IVF. 
I'm sure you will get lots of advice and information on this site which will encourage you. 
I'm not sure if you are familiar with Serum clinic in Athens but many women with low AMH and other problems have had success there and found that assessment and treatment was far better than the UK. It might be worth looking into. There is also a Serum thread on this site.
All the best of luck to you. Don't give up....there is hope! You only need one egg!   
xxxA


----------



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

alexine said:


> Hi Mrshol,
> trying to conceive is such a intense journey. AMH is not the end all and be all....quality of eggs is. The fact that you are 29 is a definite advantage. I'm an old bird but had my baby at 41 via IVF.
> I'm sure you will get lots of advice and information on this site which will encourage you.
> I'm not sure if you are familiar with Serum clinic in Athens but many women with low AMH and other problems have had success there and found that assessment and treatment was far better than the UK. It might be worth looking into. There is also a Serum thread on this site.
> ...


thanks hun for ur msg, just having a real down weekend at the moment. i was suppose to start iui today but my AF still hasnt come, i dont even have periods so take tablets to bring me on and the last lot didnt work and now ive just got brown discharge stuff which isnt enough they said i need a red bleed!!! i know it sounds silly but its more waiting.... and if i dont bleed then more drugs to try and make me!! i get spotting hormonal, emotional etc.. etc.. the list goes on.. then for it not to work!! sorry rant over..  just really am struggling

so nice to hear that u concieved though and i know there are so many people out there with stories but i just feel so negative and that its never going to happen for me, i really am trying my hardest to snap out of it but its so hard.. i feel i just wanna wake up when all the months or years have past and im pregant just cant cope goign through all this!!

no im not what is the serum clinic hun? ill have a look on here too

thanks again for ur msg, sorry if ive gone on a bit and feeling sorry for myself xx


----------



## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

I think what you're feeling is very normal on the fertility journey and we've all had the down days.  When we had our fertility counselling it's what our counsellor spoke about that we would basically follow the grieving process.  I mostly get stuck on anger and have to work hard to get to hope, my wife is very helpful and supportive although I wish sh would talk about it more though as I feel she blocks her feelings to help me.  Today I had a angry moment when yet another friend announced her pregnancy on ********, twins due in October.  I've another friend due any day and my sister due in October too.  Plus all my friends posting photos of their children at Easter.  It's makes me sad that it feels so far away for me having a baby, angry that with my fertility levels it might be a long (and expensive) road for me to have a bay, worried that I've left trying for a baby until late and disappointed in myself when my negative feelings stop me being happy for my friends with their babies and children.  I a
So find it extremely hard as my job involves close contact with new borns.  One of my current clients said she never wanted children but at 40 she got pregnant first go - felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart when she said that.  

I think we need to find unique things for ourselves that relieves stress.  I've take up crochet as it keeps my mind busy.  I ask my wife for hand massages as it relaxes me.  I try to do some exercise as it's good for me plus try to eat healthy.  I allow myself to have moments of crossness and giving up hope but then tell myself it helps no one so make a conscious effort to overcome it.

I think we need to take care of ourselves and try to keep positive.


----------



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

mrsww said:


> I think what you're feeling is very normal on the fertility journey and we've all had the down days. When we had our fertility counselling it's what our counsellor spoke about that we would basically follow the grieving process. I mostly get stuck on anger and have to work hard to get to hope, my wife is very helpful and supportive although I wish sh would talk about it more though as I feel she blocks her feelings to help me. Today I had a angry moment when yet another friend announced her pregnancy on ********, twins due in October. I've another friend due any day and my sister due in October too. Plus all my friends posting photos of their children at Easter. It's makes me sad that it feels so far away for me having a baby, angry that with my fertility levels it might be a long (and expensive) road for me to have a bay, worried that I've left trying for a baby until late and disappointed in myself when my negative feelings stop me being happy for my friends with their babies and children. I a
> So find it extremely hard as my job involves close contact with new borns. One of my current clients said she never wanted children but at 40 she got pregnant first go - felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart when she said that.
> 
> I think we need to find unique things for ourselves that relieves stress. I've take up crochet as it keeps my mind busy. I ask my wife for hand massages as it relaxes me. I try to do some exercise as it's good for me plus try to eat healthy. I allow myself to have moments of crossness and giving up hope but then tell myself it helps no one so make a conscious effort to overcome it.
> ...


thanks for ur comment, i know i need to keep positive but its so hard isnt it, just feels like its never going to end all this! so unfair why anyone should have to go through this. 

really hope u have ur bfp soon.. what treatment are u and your wife currenlty going through?


----------



## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

Positive is hard and it's even worse when people say to keep positive and yet we have too.  Life isn't meant to be easy I guess, we need the bumps along with the smooth but it's extremely hard when in the middle of fertility bump with no guarantee of a baby at the end.

My wife and I are in our second cycle of natural IUI, four days into two week wait, testing on May 1st.  I'm finding it a bit easier than last 2WW but that's sadly because I think it hasn't worked, something I'm not discussing with wife as it upsets her.  I kind of figure that if I think it won't work and it's a negative it might be a bit easier to handle and if it's a positive then I'm going to not actually relax the next nine months.  I'm concerned that something is not right with my eggs as January  and February i didn't ovulate and march and April I had trigger shot so we were able to carry out treatment.  If this cycle is a bust we won't try again until July as will need to save more and also I have a more intense work schedule.  

If I won lottery I'd open a non for profit fertility centre and have a sliding scale for paying.  It's an expensive process with no guarantee.


----------



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

mrsww said:


> Positive is hard and it's even worse when people say to keep positive and yet we have too. Life isn't meant to be easy I guess, we need the bumps along with the smooth but it's extremely hard when in the middle of fertility bump with no guarantee of a baby at the end.
> 
> My wife and I are in our second cycle of natural IUI, four days into two week wait, testing on May 1st. I'm finding it a bit easier than last 2WW but that's sadly because I think it hasn't worked, something I'm not discussing with wife as it upsets her. I kind of figure that if I think it won't work and it's a negative it might be a bit easier to handle and if it's a positive then I'm going to not actually relax the next nine months. I'm concerned that something is not right with my eggs as January and February i didn't ovulate and march and April I had trigger shot so we were able to carry out treatment. If this cycle is a bust we won't try again until July as will need to save more and also I have a more intense work schedule.
> 
> If I won lottery I'd open a non for profit fertility centre and have a sliding scale for paying. It's an expensive process with no guarantee.


i really hope its ur lucky month please let me know when u do on 1st may u never know it might of worked, and like u said i think negatively in the hope it will make it easier when the bad news arrives.

thats such a nice thing to do, i never thought of that but i would do the same after hearing that, be great if there was a free fertility place, its hard enough going through this at least not having to pay for it as well

wishing u all the luck in the world, keep me posted on ur progress X


----------



## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

Mrshol- I felt exactly the same as you this weekend, seriously thought it was never going to happen! Was sick of everyone and everything and had lost total faith in any treatment! Monday I took a test and it was a BFN, my wife went back to the test and saw a second line but it was well after the time your supposed to look, did another test tonight after work and unbelievably it's a BFP, I am in utter disbelief!!! I am doing another test in the morning to confirm but this journey is a total and utter roller coaster and I think everyone going through it has the same feeling as you at some point but it can happen. This site is an amazing source of support! Big hugs to you, you will pick yourself up from this feeling, i'v been through it with every BFN! Xxx


----------



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

Divas212 said:


> Mrshol- I felt exactly the same as you this weekend, seriously thought it was never going to happen! Was sick of everyone and everything and had lost total faith in any treatment! Monday I took a test and it was a BFN, my wife went back to the test and saw a second line but it was well after the time your supposed to look, did another test tonight after work and unbelievably it's a BFP, I am in utter disbelief!!! I am doing another test in the morning to confirm but this journey is a total and utter roller coaster and I think everyone going through it has the same feeling as you at some point but it can happen. This site is an amazing source of support! Big hugs to you, you will pick yourself up from this feeling, i'v been through it with every BFN! Xxx


thats amazing news CONGRATS that makes me smile  so happy for you, what treatment di dyou have and did u have a low AMH etc... what was ur suituation? so happy for u, bet u cant believe it x


----------



## Divas212 (Nov 13, 2013)

So it was our fourth go at doner IUI. We're in a same sex relationship hence the need for the missing ingredient so to speak, not very sure about the low AMH not sure what it means? Don't think iv been tested for that or I might of been tested but all ok, really not sure. We've been ttc for 4 years mainly DIy at home but amazing 2 years ago got funding for Nhs treatment..... The first 3 attempts at iui I was all excited thinking it might happen. This time round if I'm honest iv done everything your not supposed to do, not really felt iv looked after myself as I was convinced I was just going through the motions to get to our go of IVF (we had 6 iui funded and 1 ivf). If I'm honest I'm in utter disbelief and think I will be until scans then I still might not beleive!! Please don't have a downer on yourself, it does happen, there is a thread I found recently on here about iui success stories... Kinda cheered me up but then was thinking grrrr why isn't it me? U do find a way to pick yourself up and dust yourself down!! Good luck to you xxx


----------



## mrshol (Apr 14, 2014)

Divas212 said:


> So it was our fourth go at doner IUI. We're in a same sex relationship hence the need for the missing ingredient so to speak, not very sure about the low AMH not sure what it means? Don't think iv been tested for that or I might of been tested but all ok, really not sure. We've been ttc for 4 years mainly DIy at home but amazing 2 years ago got funding for Nhs treatment..... The first 3 attempts at iui I was all excited thinking it might happen. This time round if I'm honest iv done everything your not supposed to do, not really felt iv looked after myself as I was convinced I was just going through the motions to get to our go of IVF (we had 6 iui funded and 1 ivf). If I'm honest I'm in utter disbelief and think I will be until scans then I still might not beleive!! Please don't have a downer on yourself, it does happen, there is a thread I found recently on here about iui success stories... Kinda cheered me up but then was thinking grrrr why isn't it me? U do find a way to pick yourself up and dust yourself down!! Good luck to you xxx


thats amazing really hope ur pregnancy goes well, i start my injections today starting on a dose of 50.. then back in on monday to see how i get on so fingers crossed, be nice just to ovulate as not even doing that lol

i get 3 iui funded and 1 ivf. so hopefully happens by third go. shame we dont get 6 as well.

AMH is your ovarian reserve.... 

thanks hun best of luck to u as well X


----------

