# Anyone already have child with DH but had IVF for a sibling?



## Sammeee

I was just wondering if anyone out there like me concieved naturally with their DH/ DP but had to do IVF for a subsequent pregnancy and what are your successes/ stories etc??... Tips.LOL!! 

Thanks 
Sammeee X


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## Sue74

Hi Sammeee

I had my DD naturally after trying for about 2 years, they said I wouldn't fall without help but my little miracle came along .

We've been trying for a little brother or sister for 3 years and despite clomid I haven't managed to conceive, I'm waiting to start IUI just   another miracle happens before then. Theres a few girls on here had IVF for their second child, so I'm sure they'll be along to share their stories with you.

  with your treatment, sending you lots of                
love suexxxxx


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## Skybreeze

Hi Sammeee
I just wanted to say welcome to this board. 
There are lots of success stories around FF! 
Good luck ttc!
Natalie xxx


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## ramblingrose

I am in this position right now, Sammee. Had no problems conceiving DS, but now have 2 blocked tubes and so our only option is IVF. My DS will be 9 later this year.

Just started the ball rolling with the consultant, but we're not sure exactly what to do and how to fund it if we do proceed to full tx.

What I've found so far is that people aren't as understanding/sympathetic of you putting yourself through IVF to have a sibling for your child, as they are with primary infertility.  That's the hardest bit for me really.  Even the consultant the other day said to me 'a lot of people would kill to be in your shoes' which quite frankly I found a bit upsetting and insulting.

What I have been told is that our chances of it succeeding are slightly higher than normal as they know my womb is ok and I can carry a successful pregnancy; it's just (!) the conception that is the main issue. But not knowing your medical history I'm not sure if that is relevant for you or not.

HTH a bit.


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## still smiling

Hi,

We have a 8yr old daughter naturally conceived and are now embarking on a FET following the first(failed obviously!) ICSI.Ours is male factor.

I second ramblingrose on the lack of empathy/understanding but more so the fact that,to others,having a child means they automatically assume we can have more.Perhaps thats our fault for not being open but its not something i want to share only to have to deal with the "but you've got one?" responses(i'm guessing i know!).

I hope to have a success story to report soon!

Good luck x


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## Dawn401

I married early and got PG right away, I didn't try to concieve for 21 years (hubby left when the baby was 2 months and I raised her alone). 
I married again late in life and after 18 months and 7 failed IUI's we concieved naturally. We are not compatiable ( I kill his sperm) but one made it and we have our son 3, but after 4 IVF's and no BFP's we are doing DE to complete our family. I can not tell you how many friends I have that think the negative IVF's don't hurt because "we have children" Or how many times I hear "if you would just relax"..UGG!!!
But hopefully our going to Cyprus will complete our family and this part of my life can be left behind.
Wishing you all sticky BFP's!!
((hugs))
Dawn


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## Sammeee

Thankyou all for your replies!!.. 

As for me, the issues are tubal.... I had a TR march but 1 tube was a bit useless still the other partially open, but very luckily i fell pg naturally and now have DS who is 2 with my hubby, I have 2 older boys from previous!!
There are no MF with hubby and as far as tests show alls well with me apart from the tubes.. right one was removed six weeks ago as had hydros and left is still pretty much same as b4 but no more bfp's since LO was born... maybe my age is also a discerning factor!!... I start stimming tomorrow so was really wondering if because we have a child together already although not through ivf did this improve our chances??... but at the end of the day I want someone to tell me this WILL work but thats being un-realistic!!... spose im looking for encouragement really after 24months ttc and zilch!!.. 

Anyway thanks again! XX 

Sammeee X


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## Dawn401

Sammie,

You have 2 things going for you 1 you are only 37, that is good and you have had a child recently both satistically help your chances over somone at my age. Although we can not tell you it will work, having IVF so you know the eggs is fertiziled and in the uterous is a big help also putting back say 2 helps also.
I know the IVF's can be really scarry and worrisome but talking does help.
Please keep me informed. 
Wishing you the best!
((hugs))
Dawn


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## ramblingrose

Sammee, I saw my consultant last week, and he told me our chances were better as we had a child already, he said it was about 35% for us, which is about 5% higher than if we didn't already have a child. (I'm same age as you and also have tubal problems, while DH is fine).

HTH a bit.

xxx


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## JO35

Hi
I am due to start IVF in July.  I have a daughter who is 4 who was conceived naturally.  In 2007 we lost a little boy at 17 weeks  - I will have to have a cervical stich if I get pregnant again.  Since then tried everything including IuI and clomid.  I think the problem with me may be physcological as no tests have come up with anything.  I have a fsh of 6 which I am told is normal?  I can't believe we are in this position now but I am so thankful for our lovely daughter.  We have also thought about adoption to complete our family.  Good luck to everyone  
Jo xxxxxx


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## ambergrace

Hello

I had exactly as your thread title suggests! Conceived our little boy very easily first time around but have not been so lucky the second time. It took us three months to conceive the first child - and three years/2 miscarriages/6 rounds of Clomid/1 IVF to conceive the second. DS will be 5 in July and I am currently almost 19 weeks pregnant following our first round of IVF earlier this year.

It is a really difficult situation to be in as others have said, because the challenges are so different with secondary infertility. You can't claim the pain of primary infertility but have to face other issues that primary sufferers are more able to avoid i.e. child's birthday party full of bumps and babies, preschool/school pickups surrounded by other siblings etc etc. I have found the last few years so hard and, even though I do know a few women in my position out of my overall social circle, the vast majority seem to fall pregnant either the first or second month they try! Which becomes harder and harder to deal with. And everyone says 'ooh go on holiday and relax and it will happen'.....errrr, no it doesn't! Or they say 'ooh you are so fertile after a miscarriage you're bound to fall quickly now'.....errrrr, no I didn't! Etc etc etc. I can remember it all so vividly and to be honest I don't think I'll ever forget the pain of it.

BUT...on the positive side...I am a success story for you (though don't think I will actually believe it until October when baby arrives). Clomid only ever achieved a non-viable pregnancy for me and after a few more months of no success we lost faith in it, and for that reason we decided to skip IUI completely and go straight to IVF. I am 37, FSH 6, no specific reasons why not conceiving though did have rather irregular ovulation. My clinic also told me that my chances were good as (a) I was young and (b) my body has 'proved' that it is capable of carrying a child to term.

We were very lucky and it worked first time, and whilst I am acutely conscious that that is _not _ the case for everyone, I hope my story gives those of you due to start IVF shortly some hope.

  and   to all of you for successful cycles.

Take care,

Amber x


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## mykonos

Amber...wow !! 

I am so sorry for the very difficult journey you've had to get where you are .......... massive congratulations nonetheless!! good luck with the pregnancy hope you're not too sick/tired!!

i know just what you mean about parties / playgrounds etc 
we've just started ist icsi treatment am dr at moment and are blessed with our dd aged 3

cheers its soooo good to hear a positive story 
Anna x x x


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## Dawn401

Hi Ladies,

so glad you are pregnant Amber, I understand about the playground ect and what people say...sadly my age comes into it alot which really hurts! I can't help I didn't find hubby until I was almost 40. But I am thankful for my older daughter and son, but we also want to finish our family.

We were ( or are) going to try to do donor egg in Cyprus, but the money is so hard to come up with but much cheaper than the USA.
Congrats and I wish everyone the best!

((hugs))
Dawn


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## jossy

Amber just read your post...and it has given me hope so good to hear a success story. I am in a similar boat DS conceived very easily (although I was 28 then!) but my FSH is OK 7.8 and my AMH is better then average, fibroid, chocolate cyst and endo removed so every reason to hope....but having had years of BFN trying naturally I think I am trying to protect myself from the pain of that again . I know what you mean being surrounded by bumps and siblings and every year goes by and you say jokingly 'ones enough for us!' when asked when will no 2 be on the way.....DARE I HOPE??

Jx


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## JKO73

Hi, I've only just seen this!   

My DH and I conceived DD1 easily and assumed no.2 would be the same.  Nope!  To cut a long story short we ended up having IVF at the Lister and were lucky that it worked on our first go, despite only 2 eggs being collected!  DD2 arrived in October 08!

It can and does happen!

x

PS We knew that we wanted another child to complete our family and were already discussion DE and adoption as possible options.


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## charligirl

Hi all, just read this whole thread and agree with all!! I have an 8yr old daughter concieved naturally and now on 2ww after our first ICSI at Create Health in London. It is painful and exhausting being the only one at the school gates with an only child and having her come home after family school photo days asking why can't we have a baby? why has everyone else got a brother or sister? its not fair I'm the only one without a brother or sister. Also the "new house new baby!" "perhaps a holiday will help" and "your lucky to have your daughter"  and the corker.."isn't it about time you had another one!"  Like I don't know that!!! Grrrr people don't think I guess but it is very hard.

I'm having real problems with my DD at the moment too during the 2ww as I've had to tell her more or less whats going on so that she understands why I can't do certain things and lift things etc but she keeps making faces at my tummy saying she doesn't want it to work anyway and if it works i hope its ugly ...its really hurtful and i know she's only 8 and feeling insecure and confused about the whole thing but i'm finding it really hard to deal with...any advice? We are also supposed to be picking up a new puppy next week (which i wish i had never agreed to now) and so DD blaming the delay on me and the treatment. Doesn't help that DH doesn't chip in when she does this and support what i'm saying about looking after mummy so i'm the baddie again. I even feel guilty for taking things easy!!! Alone in my own family! don't know whats going on as DH usually So helpful and supportive.  

PHEW!! rant over!!! thanks for listening


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## JO35

Hi Charligirl
Sorry you are having such a hard time.  I have a little girl of 4 and am hoping to start ivf in early September if missing in action af ever turns up.  Can you have a talk to dh try and get a bit more back up?.  Must be so difficult having to explain the procedure to an 8 year old.  She must be so confused and has put up the defence mechanisms.  I know what you mean about the brother/ sister debate even at 4 all my dd friends have one or two siblings and people that don't know my history say don't leave it too long!  If only they knew!  
I really hope the next hurdle is introducing new baby to dd 
Love Jo35xxxx


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## jossy

wow great thread glad its coming alive!

I have DS conceived very easily 6 years ago and thought no 2 would be just as easy 3 years later and loadsa tests we had ET yesterday. We only had 2 eggs fertilized was really peed off that loadsa my eggs were immature (so different to how we got DS thought we were super fertile!) but the two little embies were top notch quality. so your story JK is really encouraging. Just gonna carry on as normal within reason and hope for the best hope that my body knows what to do coz done it b4. With a 5 yr old DS it's hard to be pre-occupied with early PG signs I will not obsess this time (was so obsessed when trying and failing to conceive naturally) but it's weird coz i know they are in there I don't think I'll obsess this time.

Jx


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## Jane D

Hello

I have been in this situation as well and it is so difficult and I feel for you all.  I had my dd  naturally  4 years ago after ttc for one month. 12 months on when I tried for another my fsh had gone sky high and ovulation was random.  Everything was pointing to premature ovarian failure.

My dd was brilliant and never mentioned a sibling, although she was aware of other children with siblings.  I hated picking her up from nursery and school nursery seeing all the people with 2 even 3 kids.  It felt like I was the only person in the whole world like this, but I found out there were a  few only children in daughters class, some from IVF.  I was also lucky to have some good friends with one child by choice and one like me with ovulation problems so I had people to talk to who understood.  

This January we had DEIVF and I became pregnant first time. I am now 29 weeks pregnant and feel so far we did the right thing.  DH has been great and been supportive having suffered 3 years of me and my miserable episodes.

Good luck on the 2ww Charligirl and to all those embarking on treatment

Love
Jane


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## still smiling

Hi Charligirl,

My DD is also eight,nearly 9 in fact.Where did the time go?

She goes through fazes as far as asking about a baby and my answer is always that when we get one,we get one.
I have been tempted at times to explain to her but as mature and bright as she is i just know that deep down she would neither truly comprehend or cope.
When we went through our first cycle we were very disrupted by appointments,EC etc and there were times when after DH had dropped me off at the clinic with her in tow that she asked "what is that place" so it was hard not to tell all but as the cycle failed i'm glad i didn't.This isn't a suggestion that you shouldn't have so please don't take it that way.My family is my family and yours yours,it's a personal choice but what i think may be the reason for your daughter's 'outbursts' is just sheer confusion and fear.
I know for a fact that i treat my DD as though she was yrs older and i think that comes from not having other children.If i had 2 or 3 they would be "the kids" and i would treat them accordingly but i often,unfairly,forget that despite our in depth conversations whilst she sits in front of the car because there's no-one else in the back or when a friend calls in the day and has little chats to her too because she's bored that she's still a little girl.
Of course she wants it to work,she's just considered the fact that it might not and she's scared.The average person doesn't understand IVF,at 8 it's almost impossible.I had the 'birds and bees' conversation with her a 6mts ago and i found her crying in bed later that night,it was a bubble of childhood innocence burst and i should have known better 

I wish i had some practical advice to offer but i don't i'm afraid.I agree that DH could try to intervene somewhat but he's got his own feelings too and maybe he just wants to let DD feel however she wants to about the situation.Maybe thats not such a bad stance to take.You're all afraid of and stressed about the same thing but one,cohesive way of managing would make you a family straight out of a fairy tale! 
Actually i do have a bit of practical advice!..Why not get the puppy asap(you did promise!) and try to get back to normal too.I understand why you wouldn't want to do anything too strenuous etc but normal activity won't make any difference.Once those embies are transferred it is a conception just as any other so try not to retreat to your bed for hopefully the next 9mts!

I really,truly hope to hear good news for you all xx


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## charligirl

Still smiling - Thank you SO much for your message. Everything you say is true. Its too easy too forget that they're still little ones. Well, we did get the puppy today and it has been a great way of taking my mind off me and DD has been really good. I think its going to be great for her. I've been really tearful on and off all day though I think my hormones are on spin cycle!! DD and DH have just taken puppy up the lane for his first walk while i put my feet up. DH in better mood today and more relaxed. I think he's confused too and anxious of course about how to be around me. Anyway we're all getting through day by day. Thanks again for your support xxxxxxxxx


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## still smiling

Charligirl,

I'm so glad i didn't offend you.I panicked a bit after posting as i thought you might feel i was saying you shouldn't have told DD.So so glad you knew what i meant 

Glad also that DD has her puppy and is happy 
As for DH,is his relaxed state of mind anything to do with you and DD being a bit more chilled?It's amazing how family dynamics work and how much people subconsciously bounce off others.I'm glad you're all in better spirits.
Please don't hesitate to write if you need a chat,i really do understand how hard it all is especially with the added pressure of a lonely only child and the 'salt in wound's' effect of having to face school gates,kid's parties etc.
I'm really praying for your success,especially for your little girl.It's crap and unfair that we have to deal with all this let alone our kids.


I'd really appreciate it if you would let me know how things go.

Lots of luck to you and your lovely little family xxx


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## Guest

Hi.  

Just found this thread, and i could have written little bits of most posts!  Its reassuring that i am not the only one in this situation, and there seem to be some really positive stories.  

My DS will be 3 next week and we have been ttc#2 for 20 months.  All tests show everything ok, although the last SA was disastrous but we are hoping that was due to a bout of the flu!!  Although we feel like we are rushing into it a little bit, we have just tried to have our first round of IVF - cancelled due over-stimulation.  This has been really disappointing but I'm just focussing on the future and we are hoping to try again in Oct or Nov.  I've learnt a lot and will do a few things differently and they are also going to try short protocol.  Just wish it would happen naturally, but i have found the last year so stressful with the endless waiting and the guilt about not being able to give my DS a sibling too much to not give this a go.  And after all that trying, healthy living etc, etc - there has to be something going amiss surely!!

Really good to read your stories.  Hope tx is going well for those having it at the moment.
Kate x


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## still smiling

Hi Kate,

Its a shame the secondary threads don't seem to be as active as the other threads,i know i could do with hearing more from others in my position(unfortunately).

I wish you the very best with project sibling,it's a nightmare isn't it.One thing i always deliberate over is whether i would rather have known sooner that number 2 wouldn't be easy.If i had known we'd have tried sooner but then not knowing allowed me to bask in all the glory of my daughter's early years without a care in the world.Those first few years are so so special,try not to let them pass by un-noticed.Easier said than done i really know but i try to keep the faith and enjoy your lovely son.

xxx

Charligirl,

How are you hun? xx


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## JO35

Hi Kate
What a wonderful story.  My dd was also born in 2005 and we have also had lots of failed clomid and an iui.  I am due to start d/r on 4th Sept and I hope we can complete our family this way if not we too have thought about adoption.  We are so lucky to have our dd and sometimes I feel I am being greedy especially when I come on here and so many ff would love the chance to be a mummy to just 1 child.  Congratulations on such a perfect end to your journey and please wish us luck!!
Lots of love
Jo35xx


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## charligirl

Hi still smiling, I'm getting HCG blood test done this morning and should know levels within couple of hours! But not sure if i'll know i'm preganant or not, don't know what level is viable or not. anyway i'm sure clinic will advise. i'm not supposed to do urine test until Wednesday though. I'll keep you posted. xxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi charligirl

We're having ivf for number 2. 1st round was bfn   but starting 2nd cycle in september. Hope it's a bfp for you  

Faithful x


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## kittyx

hi hope you don't mind me joining. I used to post on the sif thread. My dd is 5 and always going on about having a brother or sister and has now started comparing friends who or have not got siblings. She makes alot of comments about friends who have only one child and say "that's good, they're like us!" Heartbreaking. 

As you can see from my profile we have tried nearly everything and this month i had accupunture but also dared to take some clomid i had left from 2007! SO now waiting. We have an apointment back at the clinic this fri to set things moving again incase my much wanted miracle doesn't happen this month.

Charligirl hope its bfp for you

Hi to averyoone else. Will try to catch up properly later

Kittyx


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## Guest

Hi

Still smiling - everytime i try to write a post on FF my LO or DH come and need something so i wonder if that is why the secondary threads are less busy lol!  The one promise i made to myself last year when i realised that things weren't going quite to plan and instinct was telling me something wasn't right, was that my DS would be my top priority and that i was not going to miss out on him - whether he's my only one or not.  We all had a bit of a wobble leading up to xmas last year which was quite stressful but since then this seems to have worked well - most of the time anyway, but we are all allowed a bad day(s!).  It does really upset me when i can't quite hold the tears back (particularly recently over firstly the decision to go ahead with IVF and then the cancelled cycle), and he says "Mummy, why are you very sad" - never know quite how to answer that one, and feel so sorry that that has to be part of his little life.  But he gets lots of love and seems to be a happy little boy  - just got to keep it that way.  I don't think we have the option of leaving it due to my age so we decided if we were going to try assisted conception it should the sooner the better.

Good luck Charligirl - really hope its a bfp.  

Faithfullyhoping - we are hoping to start again at the beginning of Oct.  Will keep my fingers crossed for you.  

Kitty - its tough isn't it.  I hope you get a bfp this month.

Kate x


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## JO35

Hi Everyone
I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine.  Good luck Kitty I hope the clomid and acupuncture does the trick!

Faithful I am starting d/r on September 4th eek really excited.

Charligirl have you any news yet??     fingers crossed!

Kate I think I posted to Jane with your name - sorry  We are both in the same boat.  I hope our dreams come true!
Love to everyone Jo35 x


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Jo, Kate and Kitty

I post on the secondary thread a lot, but it can get quite quiet, especially during the school holidays for obvious reasons!!!!

Jo - I start downregging on August 30th so we'll be cycling practically at the same time!!! 

Kate - Thanks for thinking of me, hope it works for you too.

Kitty - Hope you get your miracle and hope your appointment goes well on Friday too. I think it's good to have something to work towards.

Lots of love

Faithful x


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## JO35

Faithful hooray a cycle buddy! x


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## faithfullyhoping

Jo - I know yippee, must keep in touch!! Is it your first IVF? I can't remember if I've already said but I start downregging on holiday in France, but will be back 2nd week in september in case you're wondering where I've disappeared to.

FFH x


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## Sue74

Hi girls

Hope you are all ok and enjoying this sunny evening.  Its great this thread has come to life again as there seems to be a few of us struggling to get our much longed for second , I never seem to know where to post as I do feel very fortunate to have one child when there are so many with none.  But you're right jo35 it doesn't make the hurt any easier and I do often wonder when its going to happen.

 to all those starting treatment and with your fertility journey, sending you all lots of             .

I'm just waiting to start IUI as it doesnt look like we can wait any longer with au naturale, it makes me feel more positive that we are trying everything we can.  It would be great to keep this thread going.
Take care
love suexx


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## JO35

Faithful Yes defo want to be updated on your progress.  It is my first ivf had clomid and iui before but all bfn.  Really excited about ivf.  Lucky you going to France that will be exciting with a box full of drugs and needles!  I bought some q 10 today and have started my healthy eating with a vengence.  I am usually a diet coke addict so have been on caffeine free for a few months and now have given that up as well!  I have also been having acupuncture so bring it on - i am ready   DD starts school in September I am going to miss her loads but I have altered work so I can drop her off and pick her up.  So the timing is right!

Sue Good luck with the iui.  I know what you mean about starting treatment it feels great to be doing something positive after months of disappointment.  When do you start?

Charligirl any news from you yet??

Love to everyone else!
Jo35


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## Tamba

Hi Sammeee

I am new to FF and DH and myself are in a similar position to you. We have a DS (5yrs) and would love a brother/sister for him. We conceived our DS in just two months of ttc. This is my journey so far

2003 May M/C 8wks
2004 Apr birth of DS
2007 Oct M/C 14 wks (Car crash)
2008 Tests for fertility/M/C normal
2009  Jun IVF #1

IVF #1 (text bookexcept for BFN)

Long protocol -Microgynon/Syneral/Gonal-F/Ovitrelle/Cyclogest/Aspirin

15 eggs collected
5 fertilised
2 top grade embryos 3 day ET
BFN

It is so hard - would love to chat to anyone especially in same situation. I hope your dreams come true!!!!!!

Big  

Tamba x


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## Guest

Hi 

Jo35 - i did have to read my post again to check i had written what had actually happened rather than what i dream of ! 

Tamba - yes, we conceived DS after 2 months of trying as well and i think i was in shock for a while that it didn't happen again.  Just when you think you have got one part of your life sorted....  Since we started trying for #2 we haven't had anything, and although the docs have assured me it isn't to do with my labour (c-section followed by heavy blood loss), i can't help thinking that it might have something to do with it - or we were just very lucky with DS.  It sounds as though you have had a really tough time.  I was on the long protocol, but unfortunately overstimulated so it had to be cancelled - hope i can make it to ET next time (antagonist -same as short?- protocol this time).  Are you planning another cycle?

Sue - thanks for all the babydust, hopefully it'll do the trick. Good luck with the IUI.

Kate x


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## still smiling

Hi Everyone,

I'm so sorry for my lack of personals this time,its so late but just wanted to say how pleased i am that this thread is back to life or should i say 'getting going'!
Please keep it up as i will when not so tired!

xx

Charligirl,

Re HCG.I think 50 or above is considered 'pregnant'.Don't quote me on that though as never had one done and that info is only the product of my reading through other threads.

I've been thinking of you,really hope all is good


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## charligirl

Hi all, sadly HCG levels less than one so BFN for me yesterday. Feel really shocked and upset, stupidly let myself assume it would work first time.   Told DD yesterday and she grinned from ear to ear. she gave me a hug but from 8yr old's point of view it means her world is still intact and the threat to her being No.1 has gone. i told her mummy and daddy are sad but we're so happy and lucky to have her. 
I didn't imagine i would feel such a huge loss. Hope it will get easier as the days go on. thanks for all your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Skybreeze

Chrligirl... I am so so sorry sweetie      Its so sad. Take care xxx


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## still smiling

Charligirl,

I am so so sorry for you all,theres no way of putting it other than its absolutely crap and unfair and i really feel for you.
I also felt foolish for assuming it would work first time."i've had a baby,i'm fine,why shouldn't it work" were all feelings that didn't even let me consider failure.The BFN was a shock just as much as a kick in the teeth.Don't feel stupid,EVERYONE wants to be first time lucky.

As for DD...Well you've done the right thing re the big grin(completely know what you mean).When i had my first tx i wanted everyone to just go away,DD included.It didn't last long,just needed a few hours,a day to grieve in peace but you've done well as much as smoothing things over.Theres not much you can say but your choice of words were right.

I'm not suggesting you should do anything other that feel crap at the moment but when you start to recover,and you will,you might want to try and get a plan B together.Even if its only trying to improve natural fertility for a while.

I don't want to ramble hun,you know all this already.

Thinking of you all xxxx


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## charligirl

Thank you xxxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Charligirl - so sorry, it's so awful when it doesn't work, your life revolves around IVF for weeks and then it's just such a horrible crash when it's a bfn    Was everything else about the cycle positive? If so hopefully it's just a matter of time.

Tamba - Hi. It's funny how on the secondary thread most people seem to have conceived their first child so easily. Our DD was a surprise - we weren't even trying!!! So you can imagine the shock when we realised it wasn't happening for us. 5 years down the line 3 iuis and an ivf later I haven't even had a whiff of a bfp   . Anyway going for IVF round 2 very soon.

Everyone - I usually chat on the Daily Messages thread on the Secondary thread which is usually quite active but I'm happy to pop on here too.

Faithful x


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## JO35

Charligirl     Really sorry.  Give yourself a bit of time out.  Not much to say but I am thinking of you.

Kate really sorry about the wrong post.  I can't wait until that one is yours 

Still smiling I hope you are ok.

Tamba sorry to hear you have been struggling with bfn.  Though it does sound like you got a lot of eggs.  Things will be different next time. 

Faithful Not long now.  Are you counting down the days yet?

Sue I hope you are ok and keeping up the pma!

Kitty good luck with the appointment on Friday.

Love to everyone
Jo35xxx


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## Sue74

evening all, great to see the thread growing  

Jo35  Hope you ok, not long now until the 4th and you're d/r  

charligirl  so sorry hun  , IF sucks, life can be so cruel at times, take care. 

Faithful  Not long for you to start treatment now,   hun

Kitty  hope your appt goes well on friday, let us know how you get on,   that the clomid and acupuncture works for you

KateA   for your IVF, when are you due to start

Tamba Sorry it was a   big  .  You've had a lot to deal with hun, take care

Stilsmiling hi how are you hun.

Hope I havent missed anyone.  I'm not sure when we'll start IUI, just waiting for review appt to come through with the consultant (just want to get started now).  I keep trying to keep up the PMA but sometimes it slips, know what I mean


----------



## still smiling

Hi Ladies,

Kate,

I agree that time shouldn't be wasted.Had i have known at 22/23 i've had started the ball rolling.Since there are no guarantees the world of assisted conception is best approached asap.
I don't like to think of all the time my ignorant bliss wasted.Then again DD was 6 when we started trying again.
The sooner the better,absolutely.

Jo,

Roll on the 4th..i'll dust my pom poms off in time 

Tamba,

So true about the easy conceptions?! Actually i'm not sure how long it took exactly as i was careless 20yr old but DH remembers me being on the pill a couple of months before.In any case it was emotionally very easy!
Nice twist in the tale eh! 

Faithfully,

That last cycle was great.Are you just keeping the protocol as before or changing anything?I plan to try going to blast on next cycle xx
Did they suggest that to you?
Kitty,

Clomid can do wonders hun,fingers crossed that will be all you need.

Sue,

Have you tried IUI before?If you don't mind me asking,is your IF male factor?I would like to have tried that before ICSI but not sure of cut off point re counts.That probably means it wasn't right for us if they didn't recommend it doesn't it?! Have really started to believe i'm a fertility expert lately 

Charligirl,

Lots of love to you hun.Hope you're ok xxx

Jo,

Same to you hun x


----------



## charligirl

thank you all so much for all your love and suppport, it really helps. its come a massive surprise that i would feel this dissapointed and empty. like a few of you said when you concieve so easily the first time you just assume that IVF will work 'better' because you've been pregnant before. its been a big wake up call. i'm up and down but sometimes it hits me during the day and just start crying out of nowhere. Been trying to research a clinic closer to home but don't want to go on about it too much to DH as i don't think he's ready to think about it yet. Hard to know how they're dealing with it sometimes. anyway thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## charligirl

Just got AF


----------



## Sue74

oh Charligirl sorry the old  arrived hun, big  .  The pain is so raw its unbearable at times, then you end up giving yourself a pep talk and things are ok for a bit but the empitness is never far away is it.  I find myself drifting off and I can't stop thinking about having another child.  You take time and when you're ready talk to DH about maybe trying another clinic, in time you will dust yourself off and pick up again, the PMA will return soon.

stil smiling how are you today.  I agree wish I'd sought help sooner but I think I just kept thinking it'll happen soon, so 3 years on and I'm just starting out with invasive treatment.  Haven't had IUI before but had lots of cycles of clomid, all   sadly.  My problem is that I don't ovulate or very rarerly anyway, IUI is recomended for this the consultant tells me as it tracks the follicles. I think ICSI is more used for male factor, I could be wrong tho hun. How did you find the ICSI. We could write a book couldn't we on our experiences, it leaves you a fertility expert  and also   at times, lol


----------



## charligirl

Thanks Sue, had little chat with him this evening that i felt he'd moved on quicker than me and i didn't understand why also that it hurt when he said 'No way' to doing this again. but he explained that it was all the upset that was putting him off and seeing me so distraught (i was crying at the time!) but its early days and I know we'll get through it. xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Guest

Evening.

Charligirl - so sorry to hear your news.  Give yourself plenty of tlc and time - don't make any decisions yet.  For a few days after our tx DH and i didn't want to do it again, but it didn't take too long before we started to look forward.  The follow appt really helped.

Sue 74 - i know that feeling about just wanting to get started - hope you get that appt soon.

Stillsmiling - its so hard to know how soon to get on with these things.  One minute i know we are doing the right thing, the next i panic that we are rushing into it.  I think the consultant would have told us to wait a few more months or at least try IUI first, but DH's sample was so awful that day that she said we should move onto ICSI - bit of a shock to say the least.  Would have been interesting to find out how his swimmers were if this last cycle had worked!  I'm sure they are ok so probably should have tested again, but we are here now so are just going to get on with it.

I need a bit of advice - in fact i just need you all to tell me i am being really unreasonable.  A vg friend of mine knew roughly when we were having our tx.  Just as i was DR, she gave birth to #2 (total accident, wasn't sure she wanted another, wasn't getting on with DH..!!).  So off i went and got card and present and sent it on to her along with invite to my DS's 3rd b'day party.  I heard nothing for 3 weeks and had a panic that she wasn't ok (my tx had been cancelled by this stage and was so disappointed to say the least).  I texted her to see if alright, and got a text back telling me how hard it is with 2, how she was struggling, how she was v. anxious and no how are you or thanks for the present.  I couldn't help but write back saying i don't know what it is like but try and enjoy the non-hectic moments and that she was v. lucky.  2 weeks on, i get a thank you card.  Again, no how are you just a no we can't come to the party as she is so anxious she is having trouble getting to the docs never mind up to us.  The note included a photo of the 4 of them and one of the baby - she is beautiful and gorgeous.  I know i should be on the phone ringing her to check she is ok, but i am really struggling not to feel really hurt that not once has she asked how i am and that she has been quite tactless with some of her comments.  Please tell me just to get on the phone to her!!  

I have found friends and family don't really know how to support you through this and so tend just to leave you to it once tx has started.  Although DH's family and a few friends have been fantastic - so very glad.

Sorry for the ramble - not even sure this is the best place..?  Feel a bit better for writing it down though.

Take care 
Kate x


----------



## still smiling

Hi Everyone,

Lovely day today wasn't it?If it was warm up north i assume everywhere else was too?

Kate,
There is always the possibility that just as you embark upon treatment you fall pregnant or have several failed cycles and get a wonderful surprise but i do think that by the time you suspect there is a problem there usually is and time is of the essence in all things fertility related.I was diagnosed as having PCOS initially which kick started the ttc(just in case it took a while)and after 12mts having been monitored and shown to be ovulating,tubes open etc my consultant suggested i might not be the one with the issue.The first SA showed a count of 1mil with terrible motility and we began ICSI 6wks later.I also worried that we were being hasty but 2yrs later and still no pregnancy so we did the right thing in at least beginning the journey.
I'm not sure of your DH's results but i think IUI is for very borderline counts,Icsi mostly saves a lot of time and money(assuming that like us,you aren't entitled to any funding?).
As for giving you the bottom kick that you seek...well i'm not sure that you are being unreasonable.You have a right to be hurt and to have expectations of others but that doesn't mean she is wrong either.She's having her difficult time and so are you and youv'e both done what you can in so much as letting each other know neither of you is forgotten.She hasn't ignored you as you haven't ignored her.i don't see that there is an issue as such to be resolved.
Sometimes we just aren't able to support or even understand others.That doesn't make us wrong or selfish just human and theres a strength in knowing what our limits are.ICSI will never mean to her what it does to you and her struggling with 2 children clearly won't mean that much to you either! This is one of those times in life where your friendship might drift a little because of the differing paths you're on.Drift doesn't mean sank though 
You want to call her,i can tell.I think the real issue is that you don't quite know what to say?
Realistically it might be awkward at first but even more so the longer it is left.
I told my mum and best friend on our first cycle and to be honest nothing they said was helpful,they just don't understand.I also decided after that tx that if this is ever going to work for us that i'd rather people didn't know at all.I don't want to have to keep reliving this even after its hopefully over.

Charligirl,

The arrival of your AF will be responsible for a vast amount of your feelings hun.All those hormones will have taken their tole on you physically and mentally.
My DH also refused point blank to try again,not very nicely either.After a few months we went ahead with a FET and when that failed he refused to do a fresh cycle which he now will.In short,what i've realized,is that he has a "we'll cross that bridge as we get to it" mentality as far as this is concerned and he needs a bit of time to recover.From anger if nothing else.
Do you have any frozen embryos or would you have to do a full cycle?

Sue,

Did you not ovulate on clomid or did it not just get you a BFP?I took that for 6mts and although it was only 50mg i felt absolutely terrible.ICSI is obviously a nightmare financially and a lot more invasive but the medicine itself makes me feel quite good.I did a short protocol which doesn't include downregging so the stimulation only lasts 10 days or so.Its quite straight forward really.You'll have to stim for IUI won't you?
Yep ICSI is for male factor.Is DH's sperm good to go then?!


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Just popping on for quick post as I should be getting ready for going on holiday tomorrow!! So won't be around for a couple of weeks - in case you miss me  

I picked up my drugs yesterday and got a date for egg collection 30th september which is sooner than I thought so quite pleased about that. Felt a bit more hopeful that it might work yesterday but it's so hard to be positive when you've had so many bfn's isn't it?!!! Anyway glad that i'm starting downregging on holiday as it won't give me too much time to mope around thinking about all the what ifs!!!!


Kate - I'm sorry about your friend being unsupportive, I think you are both in such different places right now that it's difficult for either of you to have any understanding of each other. I think it's easy for us to forget how hard it was having a newborn baby because we're so desperate for another one, she's probably just exhausted right now and can't think beyond her own 4 walls. Give her time and I'm sure she'll think of you  


Sue - I really hope iui works for you, I think the success rate is quite good if you're having it for no ovulation as they can hopefully get you to have a few egg for the    to find. YOu never know you could end up with twins!!!


Still smiling - Hi, lovely day in the midlands yesterday too

Charligirl - Sorry the   arrived for you. Don't feel bad for being upset or surprised that it didn't work we all feel the same each time we get a bfn. Hope you and dh can talk about next tx soon as it will give you something to focus on.

Jo - Yes i'm counting down now, nice to have a cycle buddy. What drugs are you on? I'm on buserelin injections and then menopur followed by the lovely cyclogest!!! Same protocol as last time. Yes consultant talked about going to blast but last time I only got 2 good grade embies out of 9 that fertilised so will need at least another couple of good ones to go to blast. I can't see it happening to be honest.

Speak to you all soon

Faithful x


----------



## JO35

Hi Everyone
Just a really quick one.  I hope everyone is ok.  Faithful I hope you have a fantastic holiday.  We will catch up when you get back.  I am on the same drugs as you so we will be able to compare symptoms - I just want to get started now.

Kate Your friend will probably really regret that she hasn't been there for you and I agree with Faithful that she is prob all over the place mentally and hormonally.  It is often a shock when those closest don't quite seem to get the whole tx thing thats why this site is such a Godsend! 

Charligirl x

Stillsmiling I hope you are okx

Kitty is it your appointment tomorrow?

Love to everyone else
Jo35xx


----------



## still smiling

Faithfullyhoping,

Safe journey hun and enjoy 

Hope everyone else ok?

Got baby nephew here tonight and DD won't let him so much as breathe! Never liked the idea of older children 'helping' but at her age i just think its instinctive.They also look very much alike so it serves as a reminder of what things could be like 
Think i have gotten over the potentially huge age gap now,beggers can't be choosers!

Enjoy the weekend if i don't get a chance before xx


----------



## Sue74

Morning ladies, thank god its friday!!! Hope you all have a great weekend.

Kate  sorry things are strained with your friend, I agree with what the others say, it is so difficult.  I had a similar experience with a friend of 20 years, she was very dismissive of our IF problems and took the attitude of just get on with it, she appeared to have no understanding, she went on to conceive naturally with no probs and it was as if she disregarded my feelings totally.  Because of where I was at the time with IF (not a good place) I let the friendship slide.  I do regret this as we had been friends for a long time, I now realise we were just at different places, so if you value your frienship give her a call hun  

Faithful  Hope you have a wonderful hol, chill and relax ready for ec 

Stilsmiling  Hows you  .  Hope you enjoyed your nephew visiting.  Yeah the clomid 100mg made me ovulate but the tablets made me  poor DH I was a nightmare to live with, don't know how he put up with me.  Glad the ICSI meds made you feel good! Yeah I will have to stim for IUI   and DH will have to do his stuff , I just want to get started but still no word from hospital.
I know what you mean about the age gap, I often think about it my DD is 7 and I would have loved her to have had a sibling long before now, but hey ho thats how its meant to be I guess.

Jo35 hello hope you are ok

Hi to anyone else I've missed


----------



## jossy

wondered if I could join you, I posted a little while ago on here but the thread seems to have got so much busier since then! I just did first cycle IVF , and got BFN today.

Know exactly how you feel charliegirl   to you. really thought it would work as had DS naturally and very easily first month of trying ( but was 28 then) and age and endo and fibroid and stress (for dh swimmers motility) have all played their part. Dh has now sorted out swimmers so that is a plus.

Thinking ahead to next cycle now. have army of questions for docs as I know more about it this time. lots of TLC today and a least I can get on and enjoy DS feel like I have been a short tempered grump throughout this! Every step we go on this journey he becomes so much more precious and feels more like how did we ever get him in the first place.

Jx


----------



## Sue74

Hi Jossy & welcome to the thread, wanted to send you big  , sorry its a BFN, glad you're keeping positive and thinking of next cycle, we know the pain you feeel right now hun.  Take time out and spend some time together, sending you lots of      .

I know what you mean about our children being precious, I often feel my DD must be a miracle as I conceived her naturally (was always told I'd need help) so miracles can happen, guess I just thought it would happen again for number 2 

Take care
love suexx


----------



## jossy

Thanks sue, bout to have first glass of wine in 2 months! really looking forward to it!

Jx


----------



## Guest

Hi everyone.

Over in Wales today, staying with the in-laws for the weekend as we are off to a wedding tomorrow.  It is my DS's 3rd birthday - can't believe how fast he is growing.  Definitely agree with all that has been said about miracles and making the most of them - i love him sooo much.  

My friend called yesterday - so pleased.  We had a really good catch up and all back on track.  Thanks for all the advice and kind words.  I have decided for round 2 to tell very few people as i have found people really don't understand how tough this all is - i'm not sure you can unless you unfortunately have to go through it.

Jossy - I recognise you from the July/August board.  So sorry to hear your news.  Look after yourself and give yourselves lots of tlc.  And yes, definitely make the most of your lo - my ds is my rock and gets me through all this (with a little help from DH).  I found my follow up appt really useful and positive.  You may have already found it, but there is a list of questions somewhere on here (if you need anymore) for follow up appts that looks really useful.

Will catch up with you all next week.
Kate xx


----------



## jossy

Hi Kate enjoy wales. I'll look up those questions our follow up is next fri. know what you mean about not telling anyone for round 2......we aren't telling anyone only one friend who'll look after ds when necessary.

Jx


----------



## Sue74

Good morning lovely ladies

Hope everyone is ok  Jossy - Hope you enjoyed that wine hun  

Kate Hope you're enjoying wales and the wedding.  Soooo pleased you've sorted things with your friend and hope this feels better

JO35, Charligirl, Faithful, Kitty, Tamba & stil smiling hope you're having a good weekend

well I think AF is on the way for me got that awful dragging feeling in my tum, I was so hoping we might fall this month as I'd just had the HSG and I read chances are slightly raised after having it as tubes flushed etc.....      .


----------



## jossy

yes enjoyed wine but not the restless night's sleep that followed! been thinking I might continue with no drink except the odd glass. I've read it's not good for endo anyway and I really need endo to stay away to give cycle 2 best chance.....

Jx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

Just popping on to say Hi, back from holiday now. Will catch up in the week.

Faithful x


----------



## JO35

Hi Faithful
Nice to have you back!  I hope the injections are going well.  I have my baseline booked for the 22nd.
dd starts school tomorrow - don't know where the years have gone.
Jo35xxx


----------



## still smiling

Hi all,

Went AWOL for a bit as was awaiting the results of my second ICSI cycle.I know i didn't mention before but was scared i'd jinx myself.
Anyway its a BFN and i'm in shock to say the least.Had 2 perfect hatching blasts transferred so can't imagine what went wrong.

I'm ok,just having a few 'sick to my stomach' moments.Feel like it will never work but have to believe it will.
I'm so so grateful for DD and i feel like a selfish,unsatisfied freak for not being able to except my fate but i want it for her if not more than i do for me.Its not about someone to 'play' with but someone to be there with her when me and DH aren't young whipper snappers anymore.
Am also starting to resent DH for it.I know its not his fault,he isn't his sperm but he thinks his acceptance should be mine and it isn't fair.I feel as though i'm standing by him as i should whilst he isn't standing by me.
He's allowed to make choices but surely not ones that will affect me until my dying day?
Its early days i know and i'm doing the typical female thing of "well what are we going to do?" but if he continues to be so flippant and refuses to try again i'm not sure we have the kind of relationship that i want.
Am i being dramatic?

JO35,

Hope you're ok after taking baby girl to school?Its a big big deal,i remember shedding a few tears(in a bittersweet way though)

Hope she comes bouncing out having had a great day xxx

Sorry no other personals,will catch up with you all asap xxx


----------



## JO35

Still Smiling I am so sorry it didn't work for you this time.  When there has been a bit more water under th bridge I am sure your dh will come round.  If you were really upset after your bfn it is possibly his way of trying to protect you.  For me it won't be over til the fat lady sings to both of us......fingers crossed it will work and we won't have to make the difficult decision of when enough is enough.  Try not to talk about it for a couple of weeks and then talk again.  I also want a sibling for dd as much for her as for us.  My mum keeps saying well at least you have dd...........but thats also why I want it to work soooo much!  School in an hour eeeek!
Jo35xx


----------



## Skybreeze

Still Smiling...      I'm sorry hun.


----------



## Guest

Hi All

Had a hectic couple of weeks with visits to and from family and needed a little bit of a break.  Wales, wedding and 3rd birthday have made it an exhausting time - especially as DS is STILL a rubbish sleeper at 3.

Still smiling - so sorry for your bfn    .  I haven't had one yet and am dreading it.  Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and take things really slowly.  Make sure you have LOADS of questions for your follow up appointment to try and see what else can be done.  

I definitely agree with wanting another child as much for me as my DS - it makes me really sad to think of him on his own.  Even if that does happen, hopefully he will have his own family by then so he won't be really and we are trying to make sure that he is as close to his cousins as possible.  Early days, and difficult as they live miles away.

Jo35 - hope the first day was ok.

Jossy - how are you getting on?  How did your follow up go?

Faithful - hope you had a good holiday.

I'm just waiting for AF to arrive so that we can get the next lot of dates in the diary - as usual over the last few months it is keeping us guessing .

Take care
K x


----------



## still smiling

Hi all,

Thanks for your words of support,it means a lot 

I'm much better today actually.I'm bleeding now so strangely feel better for it,perhaps my hormones need stabilizing before i can really get back to normal.

Kate A,

I hope and pray you won't ever have to deal with a BFN,keep positive.It can and often does work first time.

Jo35,

How did DD get on?And you for that matter?!
The fat lady singing is a good idea,i also doubt that i will give up quite so easily and you're absolutely right about not trying to push DH into anything just yet.We had a fleeting conversation last night and he clearly has feelings of his own about this failure so i'm trying to be gracious and let him be for now.I'm planning on another cycle next year and i'm sure by then he will be in agreement.I think its hard for him also because we have MF.I know i underestimate his feelings at times.

Skybreeze,

 Right back at you hun.You always seem to pop up on different threads i'm reading and i know you've had your fair share of [email protected] too.Heres to better luck for us both next time xxx

Thanks again ladies and hope everyone is ok?


----------



## Skybreeze

Ah thank you Still smiling, are you thinking about another try? 
LOL about me popping up everywhere!! I cant get enough  

Natalie xxx


----------



## Sue74

Hello ladies 

Jossy How are you and how did your follow up go hun  

Faithful Hope you had a great hol and feeling refreshed, hows things with you  

JO35 Hows your DD liking big school, hope you'e enjoying the school run, I still love going to pick my DD up from school, I always love seeing her smiling face at the school gate.  Great news you've got your baseline scan booked in   for that

stil smiling big   hun, life sure sucks at times, I   you're time will come hun.  Hope you're working things through with DH, I always feel men can switch their feelings on/off easily when for us its so much harder.  Give him time and he'll come round.  I know what you mean you want it as much for DD as well as yourselfs, thats how I feel.

Kate A hope your ok and things are a little less hectic, did you have a good hol.  Has AF arrived yet hun

Skybreeze   for you, you're always so supportive on here, how are things with you

Sorry if I've missed anyone.  well as for me I was feeling very positive after my HSG and when AF didn't arrive and I had lots of symptoms I thought I'd cracked it. unfortunatley our bodies are so cruel at times arent they, the early pg symptoms are so like AF. I'd got to cd43!!! and convinced myself this could be it.  I had done tests all  but you cling to any shred of hope and like JO35 says its not over until the fat lady sings, well shes well and truly singing now .  I feel ok about it and at least I have closure now, just want to get on trying with the next cycle.  sending                              to everyone


----------



## Skybreeze

Ah Sue.. How cruel is AF! I'm doing ok... Just got off the phone with the Lister they want me to start the pill today!   EC next month, but we are not ready I dont think... Will talk to DH about it, I have to say I am tempted!! How bad is that... I am still trying to move on from my m/c!  

Oh dear, why do they always do it?? I think I am doing ok and made up my mind about leaving IVE for next year! Then someone rings and dangles a carrott infront of me!!!  

Take care hun
Natalie xxx


----------



## Guest

Evening

Sue - So sorry about your news  .  Bodies are so cruel - no matter what stage you are at they seem to do the opposite of what you want. 

Skybreeze - its so difficult when you have got your head round what you want and then it all changes!!  You sound like you had a really tough time.  IVF seems to like keeping us guessing about what is going to happen next at every stage (every day almost!).

Stillsmiling - how are you feeling? 

As for me, AF STILL not arrived and now on day 33 (my average is 29).  99% sure i'm not pg as have had cramps for last few days (not as bad as usual and no other usual symptoms other than grumpiness..!).  I called my clinic yesterday to ask if i was still on course for the end of this month and was told that if it hadn't arrived today then i would have to be on the pill for 2 months and the baseline scan would be w/c 9 November!!  I was a little upset by this to say the least - getting myself geared up for starting again and then this.  After a few stressful calls yesterday and speaking to someone else today, they are now letting me baseline around 12 Oct - very generous of them seeing as we are paying thousands.  At some point AF must arrive and i will hopefully meet that date!! And then all i have to do after that is to try to complete a cycle....

Had a bit of a scare today - my DS nearly fell down an escalator.  He did a lot of wobbling and then thankfully managed to get his balance.  I could have tried to grab him but was rooted to the spot watching in terror -  .  He didn't even realise what had happened.

I think that's enough from me.
Kate x


----------



## still smiling

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your kind words.Believe it or not i'm over the BFN.I just felt really low for a few days and now i've dusted off.Just can't let it depress me because it would lessen me as a mother.I've finished AF now which i feel better for,physically too,and i've decided that i'm going to try again next spring.
DH will either agree to it or not but i'm not interested in his opinion at the moment.We try to talk and it ends in an argument so what i will do is have my own agenda,DH will be spared the 'chats' for a few months and then i'm sure he'll be happy to go along with it once its booked and paid for.Hope so anyway!

Skybreeze,

So have you got another funded cycle available or can they just fit you in?
I think you would know if you weren't ready.The fact that you are tempted must mean there's a bit of fire in your belly!
Go for it hun  

Kate A,

I know all these set backs are a pain in the bum but its so so important to get the timing right.A failed cycle is one thing but a poor cycle from start to finish is just a waste of time,money and heartache.
The scan might bring good news,just wait for that and try to keep your spirits up.
I'm sure that when the cycle does actually happen it will bring good results.I'm getting slightly superstitious of late and would rather have lots of irritations pre or mid cycle then get a BFP than a flawless cycle and a BFN.I just knew things were going too well on my last cycle!
Lots of patience hun xx 

Ho is everyone else? x


----------



## Skybreeze

Kate.... Da*e AF not arriving.. I have to say I normally go out and buy a pregnancy test, that ensures AF arrival.  S*ds law ah?! Hope she arrives soon so you can get started!! Bless DS, glad he is ok though and nothing wrong  

Still Smiling.. I am so glad your feelling better. You so brave and strong sweetie.   When DH and I start to talk about IVF it ends in arguments... Why is it never straight forward?! I am sure he will be convinced, us women have the knack! If it was up to DH about IVF we wouldnt ever start! He always said lets leave it a year?!   I say 'of course hunny' futtering my eyes....   Then I drop in the conversation that I have arranged IVF and we start soon! lol!   He always goes along with it! 

As for us doing IVF now, no its not funded.... We had 1 funded IVF which was our first go. But the other 2 were private. I am at the Lister now and they work very fast, hardly any waiting lists. My head is saying start now but my heart is saying wait. So I think I am going to wait for the moment, As I am in the middle of losing weight... Work is crazy with people off. So it would be hard. 
Going to see what we feel like in a month, then decide.

Take care
Natalie xxx


----------



## still smiling

Skeybreeze,

Wasn't quite sure if you were funded or not.That does change things somewhat doesn't it.
I'm sick to death of the cost,11k so far and still no progress.I had a look at the lister price list the other day and they're even more expensive than my clinic.Not in actual tx fees but all the little extras.Why on earth do they charge for a follow up cosult?
Is that the reason for DH's procrastination?My DH refuses point blank to do another cycle because of it so getting him to agree would all boil down to me showing him the money so to speak.
I don't blame him though,he has lots of financial pressure.
A month isn't a big wait though,leave it until things calm down at work.

Am i right in thinking you had blasts last time?Is that the first tx with blasts?What has your cons recommended for next time?
Its silly but i've lost faith in them now.I mean at what point exactly did they decide to do me over?!They were already hatching so it must have been an implantation issue?

xxxx


----------



## Skybreeze

Still smiling... A follow up at the Lister is very expansive! I luckily got mine free! I am a egg sharer at the Lister... So my lasy cycle of IVF cost £640. That was with blasts.  So a bargin!! I couldnt go there other then a egg sharer, as we couldnt afford more them one go!! It was away for us to get to one of the best clinic's in the country.



still smiling said:


> Skeybreeze,
> 
> Am i right in thinking you had blasts last time?Is that the first tx with blasts?What has your cons recommended for next time?
> Its silly but i've lost faith in them now.I mean at what point exactly did they decide to do me over?!They were already hatching so it must have been an implantation issue?
> 
> xxxx


Yes it was my first cycle with blasts. Which I wanted in my second but my clinic at the time wasnt willing to do it. They recommend blast everytime at the Lister. So hopefully we get there again. We had 5 embies, 3 of which were good on day 3... 2x8 cells and 1x7 cells. So we went for it. On day 5 we had 1 blast, which was very very early. It wasnt graded because they couldnt! We also had a molur. On the picture they both look the same. It worked though. I was amazed!! Still am.

I lost hope in my first clinic and said I couldnt ever go back there. Have you had a hysteroscopy?? Might be worth having one if you have had failed IVF's. I wouldnt say you had implantation issue as you have had a successfull pregnancy. I think alot is down to pure luck. Unfortunatly.. In both my 2 failed cycle I had grade ones! And none implanted! Very annoying.

Natalie xxx


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## jossy

Hi girls

followup not so good basically since i had ds i got endometriosis which has likely led to low egg quality and a blocked tube. the egg quality thing is the bummer.....doing ivf no.2 soon. I am going to lay off FF during round 2 as i find it feeds obsession so this is it from me for a while girls. speak soon, wishing everyone lots of luck wherever you are on your journey...

Jx


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## Skybreeze

Good luck with IVF#2 Jossy!


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## still smiling

Jossy,

I hate to say this because i LOVE the the girls(and guys) on here and the info and support has been invaluable but you are absolutely right that this site can tip you over the obsessive edge.
I've taken 'leave' for a week or so and already found myself 'forgetting' i'm infertile and engaging properly with everyday life.
I've had to remind myself that though we are all in the IF boat my IF story and ending will never entirely match anyone elses and as much as this helps sometimes it can also keep you in constant reminder of your IF status.
You're doing the right thing.Take a break,recharge your batteries and use the site as it works best..for support as and when you need it.
Take care and all the VERY best.  

Skebreeze,

Hello my dear 

Good for you on the eggshare front,i admire you 

I'm sorry about your miscarriage hun.Its never an easy thing to go through but i really can't bare to think about how much more so after tx 
If there has to be a silver lining its that you know pregnancy is possible for you?I don't want that to sound blase,i mean that in the nicest way.Its hope for you hun and that little bit of strength to keep fighting.

I think i would consider the lister if it was a feasible option distance wise.I think it would be cheaper to go abroad as a family for tx rather than cycle there and stay in london for 3wks!

A hysteroscopy.It rings a bell but i'm not sure what it is?I'm really going to give this last one some proper thought unlike the last 2 which i just kind of 'did' without question.
I don't really want or believe the immunity tests are needed but on the other hand i don't want to dismiss anything that might holed the key so to speak.

Do you mean a morula by the way?I haven't heard of a molur before!

xxxx


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## alisonbthny

hi ive had 3 childres from my ex and are now going for ivf and icsi with my hubby and doing egg shareing


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## Skybreeze

Hey alisonbthny.. Welcome.. Good luck with your IVF. I have also done egg sharing. 
Natalie xx


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## alisonbthny

Skybreeze said:


> Hey alisonbthny.. Welcome.. Good luck with your IVF. I have also done egg sharing.
> Natalie xx


hi thank u 
have u any info that may help


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## Sammeee

OMG I just re-found this thread!!.... im going to click on the notify button after i post so i dont lose it again!!.. only just learnt that u can do that....DOH!!! ....

Ive quickly read through all the posts, and unfortunately it still looks as though we are awaiting the boards first BFP !.. (Unless ive missesd somethin)...

Well since i started this thread ive had to goes at ivf... both failures unfortunately. Ive done 2 SP taking menopur and cetrocide and i dont seem to respond very well. I got 3 eggs 1st go and 2 2nd and not many follies either time, im awaiting my reveiw in a week to see if we can try a diffrent approach, im not ready to give up yet!!..

Ive also started taking royal jelly as its meant to be good for Eggs, cant hurt eh!!... Im also going tto look into having some immune tests, even though i had a healthy pregnancy with my LO im wondering if i may have developed these!.. I just cant understand how the IVF has failed!!.... It truly is horrendous!

Im guessing my next try will be after Christmas so until then il be ttc ua natrel.... Fingers crossed for us all eh!!...

           

Lots of Luv Sammeee Xxxx


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## Guest

Hi Sammee - sorry to hear about your last cycles.  It is so frustrating not knowing what has changed since conceiving naturally.  I keep asking if we should have any additional tests (eg immune) but we just keep being told that as we have had one everything should be fine - doesn't really feel like that.  We are just heading into our second round (if you can call it that, as we didn't get very far in the first) and it is exciting but very nerve-racking.  

Hope you get some answers, and good luck with ttc au natrel!  Keep us posted!

Kate x


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## still smiling

Hi sammee and kate,

Just to jump in on the immune issue if you don't mind 

So both your consultants think immune issues aren't likely based on the fact that you've both conceived naturally and carried to term?
I've been told exactly the same thing but now i've got 2 BFNs under my belt with no obvious reason i surely need to be tested for something?!

Sammee,

How many cycles do you think you'll try?I'm starting to consider the possibility that this might not be something that will work for us.
Not to sound down in the dumps because i'm absolutely fine!

xxx


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## Sammeee

Hi Still Smiling.....

I havent actually approached my consultant about testing for immunes....YET!... Im going to try and find out if its possible to get myGP to order some ( again its another extremely costly thing going private) but if i have to travel to London or Nottingham then i think i will. Ive just started reading "Is ur body baby friendly" by DR BEER.... its very informative on the immune tests and a lot of women have healthy pregnancies to then develop immune issues, and they are faced with the same story from all angles...." Keep Trying".. "you have one so can have another"... etc etc etc...

Also i have mild endo, some got removed at my Lap in April, but im sure its back, this again can be indicative of immune issues, according to the book so really b4 i go down the ivf route again i feel i would be silly to risk another cycle withought first crossing the immunity thing off my list!!..

Also i need to look into other drugs/ protocols as both my attempts have been met with quite a poor response from me, 3 + 2 eggs,.... only 1 got put back last go!!

As for how many cycles il try??.... unfortunatley the finances will be the deciding factor there,..  I already feel awful about the amount of money we have already spent on TX... especially when i think of how i could have spent it on my LO!!...

Luv Sammeee Xx


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## JO35

Hi Everybody
It has been ages since I last posted on here.  Jossy I think it is a good idea to take some time out.  Look after yourselfx
Hi to everyone else I am looking forward to getting to know you all better.  I am on my first IVF and have my first stimms scan on Friday.  I am a bit worried as I don't seem to have any symptoms.  I am on 4 amps of menopur which my consultatnt said was quite a lot as I don't usually respond that well.  I have had clomid and iui and didn't do that well with either of them.  What is the usual number of amps - does anyone know everyone on here seems to be on more than me!
Sorry this post has been all about me!  I will get better with the personals 
Lots of love to everyone
Jo35xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Jo

Sorry not been on this thread for a while but been trying to keep mnk y sanity during ivf!! I've been on 3 ampoules of menopur but I think it varies a lot. Hope scan goes well tomorrow and you've got some nice follies. I had egg collection yesterday, still feeling a bit sore and tired.

Faithful x


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## Sammeee

Fingerscossed for ya Faithfully..... keep us posted how its all going XX


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## still smiling

Sammeee,

Hi hun and thanks for your reply.
I also haven't discussed the tests with clinic post the initial chat whereby i was told not to worry about it but i do remember some mention of "after 2 or 3 cycles" so perhaps my cons will agree to look into it.Absolutely its expensive and once i know what to ask for i'll be heading straight to my GP who is quite disgusted that despite the fact that my DD has only ever seen a doc once in nearly 9yrs,myself only attending for smears and my DH having been once in 20yrs that we aren't eligible for funding.I'm sure she'll oblige.

On the other hand it does cross the rational side of my mind that it could simply be a case of bad luck and perhaps i would be quicker to accept that if i hadn't started out on this journey quite arrogant about my chances.I'm ashamed to say i thought it was a sure thing since i don't have issues and i've already had a child.
What my cons also said is that there is kind of a 3 try rule of thumb and much of my own research would support this.In particular i've noted that the clinics here and abroad that offer shared risk tx also go with a 'course' of 3.
I don't believe deep down that there is an issue but at this point i can't overlook any small detail.
I'm afraid i'm not really in the know about endo other than knowing through a friend who suffers from severe pain when its at its worst.I'm sorry for you.Its not an easy issue to contend with.Given the fact that research has shown links between the two,were i you,i'd definitely have the tests done.I'm sure you'll get the all clear but nonetheless.

I also feel immense guilt re the 'wasted' money.So far we have spend 11K.The only thing that eases my mind is the fact that i truly know this is as much,if not more,my wish for her as it is for us.I won't divulge all my only child worries because i'll upset myself and give others depressing food for thought but i really,really feel strongly about her having a sibling.Had things gone the way they should have she would be one of 3 or 4.

Before i sign off...Could your real issue be,as you suspect,your response?If in fact its simply a matter of finding a means of getting more embryos you might hit the nail on the head.
Have you done long or short protocols?I wonder why your clinic would continue with the same protocol for a 2nd cycle when the first wasn't ideal?

That book is on my list,just feel bad buying anything these days  xxx


JO35,

Both of my cycles were on the short protocol with menopur and cetrotide.On the first i was prescribed 150iu(2 amps) and got 12 eggs from 17 follicles and on the second i did 225iu(3 amps) and got 17 follicles again but this time got 19 eggs.
On the first cycle i stimmed for 17 days and on the 2nd only 9days.

The amount for the first cycle was decided upon because of my PCOS.Although mild it still leaves me at risk of OHSS and i'd also had a very good response to clomid beforehand so it appeared i was sensitive to fertility drugs.
Though i got a decent number of eggs they all grew at different rates which is normal but some of mine were ready on day 5 and had to wait around for the others to catch up until day 15.
On the second cycle,with one more amp,the response was much quicker and the growth rate more even.
In short i do think its better to start of with a reasonable amount of stimms rather than too little.Worst case scenario on both counts is a cancelled cycle for under or over stimulating but i'd rather have a load of frosties because a fresh cycle wasn't possible than have to cancel without getting to EC if you know what i mean?
Not to sound flippant about OHSS but neither do i want to underestimate a cancelled cycle.

In any case you will have had your scan now and hopefully you are swimming along 


Hi faithfully,

How are you feeling today?You didn't give us the egg count,were you happy with result?
All the best for the morning fert call.Will be thinking of you

xxxx


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## JO35

Hi Everyone
Still Smiling thank you for that the 4 amps seem to have done the trick.   I have 12 follies on the right and 20-30 on the left - crikey!  Collction is on Monday and after all the cocern my stomach is now the size of a large basketball! 

Faithfully well done on the collection - how many did you get and do you have any idea yet about transfer.  I am really rooting for you!  

Sammee The book you mentioned sounds worth a look.  I know what you mean about the money its so frustrating trying to weigh everything up the worse thing is we would all pay 4 times the amount and more if we could be sure of a lovely end result but its such a lottery!

Kate good luck with round two!!

Lots of love 
Jo35xxxxxxxx


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## Guest

Hi everyone

Still Smiling - when we started this journey, we thought we would go for about 3 rounds but hadn't really taken into account any frozen rounds.  Stress and money i think will decide for us in the end.  We had to cancel our last (first) cycle before EC because of the risk of OHSS being so high - it was very stressful and i wish i was about to do an FET rather than trying again fresh at the minute.  They are starting me with a tiny dose this time - i hope we get further...it's a little nerve racking to say the least.

Jo35 - Wow, lots of follies.  Good luck for tomorrow.  

Faithful - how are you getting on?  

I have 5 more pills to take, then just have to wait for AF to have baseline a week on Tuesday.  If AF arrives on time i'll be amazed - it would be the first time it has for the last 5 months (due to stress of tx i think!).

K xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Jo - that's lots of follies!! Have they kept your dosage the same?  When is egg collection? 

Kate - Hope AF comes, she always comes apart from when you actually want her to. Hope tx goes ok for you, it must be quite scary when you've had ohss but I'm sure they'll be keeping a close eye on you.

Update on me - I had 20 follicles but only 11 eggs which was a bit disappointing at the time, however 7 fertilised and I had 6 8 cell grade 1/2 which looked identical on day 3 so we went to blast and had 1 nice little blastocyst transferred this am. At least we know we've got the strongest one now, we were in 2 minds whether to have 2 transferred, clinic preferred 1 so went with them in the end, thought of twins was a bit scary!!

Faithful x


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## Guest

Faithful - great news on the blast - good luck.  11 eggs sounds like a perfect number to me.  We are in constant dilemma about (if we get that far) how many to transfer.  Over the summer it was definitely 1 - the thought of twins being very scary, but for some reason i'm a lot less scared now.  I think we will take it a step at a time and see what happens over the next few weeks and decide last minute.  Sending you lots of sticky vibes    and   .

K x


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## JO35

Hi Everyone
Just a quick update.  We got 23 eggs   borderline ohss so fingers crossed that doesn't rear its ugly head.
Faithfully well done you a perfect little blast - in for the duration I am sure  
Lots of love to everyone
Jo35xxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

wow jo 23 is fantatastic, try and rest and keep drinking to ward off the dreaded ohss. Let us know how they go.

Faithful x


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## Skybreeze

Well done Jo!!! 23 eggs wow!! 
Get drinking loads of water, good luck hun
Natalie xxxx


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## JO35

Hi Everyone
Just a quick update 14 fertilised transfer either Thursday or Sat depending how they get on! 
Faithfully did you freeze the other embies?  I hope you are ok and keeping your feet up!
Kate I hope your af is on the way!
Going now got another few pints......of water that is to get down my neck.  
Lots of love Jo35xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Guest

Hi.

Jo - fantastic news - lots of eggs and embies!  Good luck with ET and the drinking.

Faithful - sending lots of sticky vibes.

AFM - 2 more pills to take and then the dreaded wait for AF!  Feeling quite terrified about the whole thing at the moment...

K x


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## still smiling

Hi everyone,

Sorry not much time so no personals but just popped in to check on you all and it would appear that we have MAJOR progress!!!

Jo and faithfully,
Brilliant news and i'll be praying for you both and hopefully here to keep you occupied through the mind numbing 2ww.Heres hoping we get our first BFP  

xxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Thanks for your good wishes Kate and Still smiling.

Jo - fab fertilisation. No unfortunately because we went to blast there was only 2 others which made it to blast and they weren't good enough grades to freeze, so no frosties!!! Hope you're feeling ok.

Faithfulx


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## JO35

Hi Everyone
Thank you for all the messages of support.  I am counting the hours until the phone call tomorrw!
Faithfully was it your decision to go to blast or theres?  I am not sure what to do if they ask for a decision tomorrow and I am not really sure how it works 

Still Smiling thank you.  I am quite looking forward to the 2 week wait.  I intend to do nothing at all for about 4 days and then see how I get on!

Kate You are bound to be terrified!  I am sure every sane person is!  The end result will be worth it x  for a good scan on Tuesday.

Love to everyone else!
Jo35xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Jo - it was their suggestion but something I'd said I'd like to do at my last consultant appointment. It's a good idea if you've got lots of similar grade embies so that they can see which is the strongest. They won't suggest it if they don't think any of them will make it to blast. All the best, with all of those eggs fertilised I don't think you need to worry  .

Faithful x


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## JO35

Thanks Faithful - I hope you have those feet up!x


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Jo - Are you PUPO yet?  

FFH


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## Guest

Hi.  

Faithful - hope you are feeling ok.  Sending lots of sticky vibes.

Jo - Hope everything is ok, and that you are now PUPO.

Took last pill today, so guess AF should arrive Sunday or Monday - here's hoping.

Kate xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Thanks Kate - Here's a little AF dance for you

[fly][fly][fly]                   [/fly][/fly][/fly]


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## Guest

Faithful - are you testing tomorrow?  Good luck - fingers crossed for you.    

Jo - how are you doing?   

I had baseline yesterday and have loads of follicles so will just have to see what happens this time.  Start stims tomorrow.

K xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi Kate

Official test date is today but couldn't make it to clinic until tomorrow because of work. Tested this am and it was a BFN.

Feel really sad but not despairing!!!

Hope stims goes well for you and you don't get too many follies this time

FFH x


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## Guest

Faithful - so sorry to hear that.  This is such a tough process.  Look after yourselves.    

K xx


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## JO35

Faithful Just wanted to say sorry it didn't work out for you this time 

Kate Good luck with the stims!   

Sorry I have not posted much.  I have two little embies on board and will be testing a week today if I get that far!!

Love to everyone!
Jo35xxxxx


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## Guest

Good luck Jo - sending lots of sticky vibes to you.


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## JO35

Sticky vibes received with thanks!


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## nikkistar

Sammeee said:


> I was just wondering if anyone out there like me concieved naturally with their DH/ DP but had to do IVF for a subsequent pregnancy and what are your successes/ stories etc??... Tips.LOL!!
> 
> Thanks
> Sammeee X


hi i am 26 i have a four year old son with my husband we were ttc for 3 years had tests done and found out my husband sperm are slow moving and both my tubes were blocked bit of a shock when had no problems before.have just been reffered to bourne hall clinic in cambridge just waiting to arrange mu 2 day hormone tests to see if we could do the egg sharing scheme i really hope it all works out for you i know exactly how you you feel


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## nikkistar

i had the results for my amh level it ie really low only 2.92 so i have been told i have a lower than average chance of ivf working am gutted i got told that information in a letter on saturday morning was a bit upsetting would have rather someone phoned me to tell me but never mind was not really sure what i was meant to do next from that letter did not know if they were going to treat me or not so i have booked a consultation for the 16th of june hopefully will be good results x


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## Guest

Nikkistar - how awful to hear the news like that.  Have a search on here as i am sure i have read about people improving their amh.  Also, different clinics (probably the London ones) are a bit more experimental than Bourn (we went there - they are very good but we found they liked to do things in quite a standard way and their admin/organisation can be a little stressful at times) and may have different ways of treating.  I would still go to the consultation but maybe organise one at another clinic as a comparison.  I hope you get some better news soon.

Kate x


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## nikkistar

hi kate yeah i was wondering about looking in to other clinics if you dont mind me asking where did you change to have heard great things about arc x


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## Guest

We were very lucky and we got our bfp at Bourn in October.  For the first round last summer i completely over-stimulated and they were a bit vague about it all which made us nervous and then they were so busy they could hardly fit us in, even though we were paying privately.  We almost went over to the Herts & Essex clinic to cut down the queues, and if the last round hadn't worked we were thinking of going to see one of the London clinics - not sure which one, but probably the nearest to King's Cross (i can't remember which one that is now!).    I'm not sure any of that is any help, but i think what i am trying to say is to make sure you get as much info as possible before getting too worried, even if that does mean having to have another consultation elsewhere.  I'm sure there will be a thread somewhere on here about low amh and they will probably know the best clinics/consultants.

Good luck
x


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## nikkistar

ok thankyou kate


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