# A Letter to Our Embryos



## Winegum

Hi to anyone reading, especially 2ww ers


In The Guardian, Family supplement on a Saturday they have a column called "A letter to...." each week.  Ages ago, I cut out and kept "A Letter to Our Embryos".  I am on my first IVF/ICSI 2ww, so I found it and re-read it for the first time since I originally cut it out and it had me in tears in no time.  I would like to share it with you, my FFs as I think it is a warm, honest, poetic and heartfelt description of a couple's IF journey and 2ww, and all, or parts of it will resonate with many of you.  I hope I am not violating any copyright laws or anything, I have searched the Guardian and tried to find a link but couldn't. It really was a long time ago.  And if by any chance the writer is reading this, I sincerely hope you got your BFP.  
Here it is: 
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Six days ago we met you for the first time.  Two perfect microscopic transparent Venn diagrams.  One five cells; one seven cells.  Miraculous blending of our two separate genes into the beginnings of life.  Your father and I cried.  It felt strange to feel emotion inside the sterile hospital theatre - me in a dressing gown, him with blue plastic covers on his trainers.  You in your petri dish, invisible to the naked eye.  Hopes.  Wishes.  Dreams.


Why is it called a theatre?  Because all human drama is enacted there - life and death and we were there for life.  I lay back and looked at the same sellotape-stained ceiling I had stared at two days before when they anaesthetised me and ripped the eggs out of my swollen ovaries.  I squeezed your father's hand.  This moment, attended by nurses, lit up like a searchlight, was our love-making, our making babies, making you.


We began our journey to meet you giggling like teenagers.  We thought it would be easy.  So when month after month passed with no sign of you, we sought advice from doctors - always men - who hummed and hawed, and said take a holiday.  We took several.  We relaxed.  We lost weight.  We gave up alcohol, coffee, croissants.  We drank bitter tea proffered by Chinese herbalists.  We had reflexology (nice) and accupuncture (not so nice).  We wore orange.  I ate brazil nuts.  He ate pumpkin seeds.  I did shoulder stands for half an hour after sex.  He switched to boxer shorts and took cold showers.  We said, if we haven't made a baby, we've had a lot of fun trying.


But the dostors got serious, blaming my age. It is, of course, my fault that the perfect husband, the only man I had ever met who could be a father to my children, didn't roll up till I was in my 30s.  Our journey to meet you got more complicated; there were engineering works in the line.


First there were the injections. Your father pretended to be George Cloony from ER as he prepared the needles for the daily dose that would shut down my hormones and throw me into temporary menopause.  My belly blossomed with bruises; green and yellow flowers.  Your father has learned more about my body than most husbands ever know.


Round about now you should have developed into a 100-cell blastocyst. You should be burrowing into my womb, taking up your official residency for the next eight months. But I want you to know how much you are loved already.


We are all balancing precariously on a moment when everythign may change.  From a life without you, to a life with you. Your stories are just beginning. I have so many questions.


Some people said we were messing with nature when we started on our IVF journey.  As if we were megalomaniac Dr Frankinsteins doing this for fun and our own egos.  Of course we would have preferred to make babies on a moonlit beach, on a Sunday morning, on honeymoon, at home, under a rainbow.  In private. Without the poking and prodding and pessaries.  Does the end justify the means?  We were swept along by our silent, aching need to be parents.  We hope we will be good parents to you. That we will bring up good people.  What will your stories be?  Will you snuggle in tight and let me take care of you? Or are you already gone, as if you barely existed?  We love you both so much, you little bundles of cells, of wishes, of hopes, of dreams.  take care in there.  We hope we'll be seeing you again soon.


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Love and babydust to everyone reading
Winegum xxx


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## GJT

Ah God - that was just lovely to read


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## *laura*

Really lovely   thank you for posting this


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## Beanie3

Winegum - Such a lovely post xxx


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## gibs

Wow, that was powerful, thanks for posting that. Had me in    , but I think in a good way! I think I remember reading that years ago, before we started this journey, and thinking it was interesting, but now I'm on the IF rollercoaster I have a huge emotional response to it!

x


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## Scouse

Thank you for posting and thank you to the author.
Alot of the time during this journey we endure every emotion in the sprectrum but it takes someone more creative to put it so beautifully into prose!
AMEN to everything she wrote and hopefully she did get her BFP


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## lollipops

Got a lump in my throat and a heavy heart  
I do not feel sorry for myself- Just saddened that we have to do this.
Thankyou so much for posting this. It highlights the true nature of Infertility Treatment. And I hope the author got her wish.


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## kitten77

thank you for posting, even tho crying, unfortunatly knowing her every emotion, been in every situation and hanging on to the every bit of hope that they stay in you.......brings it all to home that its not easy, we do not have it easy like most people but we are strong, we have become stronger people, more compasionate, understanding - and still on our way fighting for our dream.  good luck everyone. x


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## loulou78

Thank you for posting this

It has had me in tears but it is so lovely and heartfelt, why oh why do we have to go through this to achieve our dreams which so many people take for granted   

Loulou xxxx


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## skyblu

Thank you so much for posting this letter, it brought a huge amount of tears.
We have been through ivf 6 times and we are on our 7th and final go.
It brought back memories of the 2 babies we had lost and all dreams that you hope for when going through something so
private and emotional. It is not fair!!!!

I hope the lady that wrote that letter had her bfp and is a mummy to 2 beautiful babies.
Good luck to all of you persuing your baby dreams. 
Happy babydust and dreams
Skyblu


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## lizzy1975

What a beautiful article it brought tears to my eyes, thanks for posting this xxx


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## Shelleylouise73

Thank you for posting this...... its lovely!

Im currently on my first IVF cycle and have started my 2ww (had ET yesterday)

Thanks again and good luck to all you women on FF!!! 

X


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## Ruby Roo

I can't say much more than    I think we can all identify with more or less every word written...


x x


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## marshall81

I love that we're not in this alone, thank you


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## nylaboo

thank you x


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