# BFN feel like a failure



## MazAL (Jun 12, 2013)

BFN i am devastated, it was my first go at ivf but i had tried clomid in 2011 which resulted in ruptured ectopic.  I had been really anxious and cant help think that i have caused this, feel such a failure. :-(


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Hello Mazal, i didnt want to read this and not write anything! Im really sorry for your Bfn   but please dont think of yourself as a failure ivf is a tough process so of course you will be anxious i think we all are. The first cycle is a guessing game for docs to see how you respond ,your very lucky if you get pregnant first time. Try and look forward now , i know how hard it is but i find making a plan of action for your next try and anythings you can to help inbetween  will keep your mind occupied. Everyone on here is great to talk to so whenever your down come on here for some encouragement.

Take care 
Tricia xx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

I'm so, so sorry MazAL.  It is the most devastating feeling isn't it, I don't think that anyone can understand how deeply it affects you. 

We found out too today, I was just so positive this time (first cycle ended with an early miscarriage) but I started my period this morning - dead on when it should start  .

I'm not sure what to say about the failure feelings.  Yes it does feel that way doesn't it, I wish that it didn't.  My DH has two children with another woman and our fertility problems are due to his vasectomy reversal (it's never easy after that).  Even though he couldn't help his bad choices and I made a stupid choice to wait until I found the right man, I still feel like a failure because he (in the sharing too much phase) told me that he only had to look at his ex to get her pregnant.  I feel like a total failure that it isn't that easy for us, not even when science takes the whole matter of chance out of our hands. 

Sad isn't it  .  We know in our heads that we not failures though don't we.  It wasn't meant to be for us lovely, I don't know why.  I still feel that one day our chance will come though, I've been through the hopeless stage so many times and god only knows how but I've come out each time.  Hope is in the funniest things sometimes.

Sending you so many  , you're not alone xxx


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Molly-
Hello im so sorry for your result today its so hard when you try your best and are so positive its heartbreaking when it doesnt work. My af turns up early on my ivf cycles so i dont even get to get through the 2ww  .
Im only just getting my head round this bfn have locked myself in the house for a few days to avoid all my pregnant friends until im strong again. 

I really hope your ok


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh Tricia, it's just so sad isn't it.  I'm so sorry that you're going through this too.

I just want to find a hole too.  My great friend at work is nearly 8 months pregnant and about to go on maternity.  I managed a whole conversation about their 3D scan, nursery planning and constant baby wriggling yesterday before I had to go.  You just want the world to stop don't you. 

When DH and my stepkiddies leave tomorrow, I'm going to go into total lock down with movies, a fire and all of the junk food that I've been avoiding for months now.  I may even have a whole day without protein  .  At 2:30pm, I'm off to the hairdressers and I'm going to have all my hair cut off!  Time for a radical change.

Sending you lots of love, I shall think of you locked up too and raise a glass to you xxx


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Thanks Molly    enjoy spoiling yourself i have eaten so much choc the past few days its the best medicine  
Sometimes change is good i was thinking of something like that so enjoy your trip to the hairdressers!!
My Dh is working all the time so ive pretty much been on my own at home .
Try and keep strong over the weekend if you need to pop on for a chat   ive become a bit addicted to being on here! it does help.

Take care  

Tricia xx


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## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

hey ladies just wanted to send  its an awful feeling getting a BFN but it does get easier i promise


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

MazAL

I know how you feel, its an overwhelming feeling isn't it?

You are not a failure, you have worked so hard to achieve this dream and you cant think of yourself like that, just putting yourself through the rollercoaster that is fertility treatment means you aren't a failure.

Have you considered immune testing, we had it done and it identified some issues that we are now treating with medication so i highly recommend further testing plus having something to focus on can help the healing process after a negative cycle.

My heart goes out to you.

Pudding
x


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## MazAL (Jun 12, 2013)

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me, i am still v upset.  I hope you are ok Molly.  Please feel free to msg me anytime.  I am not sure what the next set for me is.  I am waiting for a review appointment.  Wish i could win the lottery because i live in york i have to pay despite only having 2% chance of conceiving naturally, it doens't seem fair at all.  I think i will try it one more time. Sending   to those in the same situation as me with the BFN.


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## MazAL (Jun 12, 2013)

P.s I will ask about immune testing as im not sure with my endometriosis if i have other immune problems that could affect implantation. there are so many questions aren't there. xxx


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## njr_26 (Aug 27, 2011)

Mazal, so sorry to hear about your bfn.   It is devastating when you think that ivf will be the answer to all your fertility problems. Sadly for a lot of us it is a long and tough emotional and financial journey. Don't give up hope yet as you have only had 1 ivf and sometimes it is just a numbers game. Have a look at this and see if anything sounds familiar. http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

Immunes testing is very expensive and you may not need it but do some research on endometriosis and immune conditions. Agate on the immune board of FF is a good source of information.

Although my fertility journey was very hard I did get there in the end, you will too. Don't automatically believe everything you are told by the NHS as they are way behind on some of the latest techniques.

Good luck

Njr26


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