# 5th attempt BFN



## missy2 (Feb 26, 2012)

Hi

I am so beating myself up, after a 2 day 2 cell embryo transfer i just found out it had not worked.  Deep down i knew but did not want to give up hope!  I am so angry, I lost my 4th attempt on 21st September last year, i only found out at the 12 week scan that it had stopped growing, the scan picture will be in my head forever.  I was so desperate to be pregnant before my due date, maybe my body was not ready, i feel as if somebody somewhere is looking down on me and determined that i am never going to be happy again.

i feel so helpless, does it ever get any easier, how do people cope?

Missy x


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## Littlegwen (May 15, 2011)

Dear Missy,
I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a 10 week scan with my first pregnancy 6 years ago and it had stopped growing at 7 weeks.  Like you, deep down I knew there was a problem and like you the picture of that scan is stuck in my head.
With time though the picture has become less painful and it's all I have to remember it by.
You are clearly a strong lady - to get through 5 attempts is amazing.
I'm not sure if it gets any easier but you have been through a lot and it's ok to feel sad and angry - it wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel grief in some way.
Is there any way you and your DH can get away from it all and have some time together?
Gwen


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## jo_11 (Apr 1, 2009)

Missy, I'm so sorry   As Gwen says, you're a strong lady... I've not had the unfortunate of a mc (although part of me wants to, so I'd at least know I can get pg ) but in terms of how I cope... it's difficult.  A lot of the time.  However, I have to try and put it into perspective and realise that this is my chosen path.  No one made me go down the IVF route.  It's my choice.  As painful as it is.  And it's not like I've lost a limb, or have some incurable disease.  Yes, it's very sad that it hasn't worked this far but there are other things I have in life, like a wonderful DH, and amazing friends (a lot of them FF now, as they understand).  

Look after yourself (and more importantly, please don't blame yourself; I'm sure you did everything in your power to make this work).

x


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## missy2 (Feb 26, 2012)

thank you for your replies, I am quite new to this site and after reading your replies i realize that i am not alone and both of you gwen and jo have been through it all too, sometimes i feel so alone, i have 7 nephews and am now a great aunt, i have seen friends on there 2nd marriage having children 2nd time around and i am always on the edge looking in, but i do have good friends and a supportive partner and a great family! I am going to book a holiday with my DH and assess what we do next, I wish i had discovered this site sooner

thanks xxxx


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Hiya hun

have you seen the multiple BFN thread, I'm sure the girls will be able to help  
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=278544.0


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