# CROSS ROADS GENERAL ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE X



## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Some advice please ladies

I am in turmoil at the moment with our next step as I am sure you have all been here especially those who have endured the IVF rollercoaster.

In brief we are at a cross roads where we are trying to decide what route to take next (another round of ivf or adoption) to be honest I am slightly swayed more towards adoption and whilst my dh is on board he feels that for our own sanity we need to try one more round (including doing different test etc) and if that fails then go down the route of adoption. Whilst to some extent I agree with him and I know some of the advice some of you have already kindly gave me is that you need to know you have tried and feel ready to move on (even if I am already there) 

Sorry to ramble on but my main concern was I am already ready to move to the next step and feel that the ivf is such a gamble but i really don’t want to have to wait another 6 months to apply (which is what our LA want) my Dh suggested I speak to some VA today and see what their policies are – which I have done and all that I have spoken to have said that they don’t ask for time between treatment and applying which is making me think that I should do this last cycle so that I can totally close the chapter and if I go with an VA then I don’t have to delay any further 

My questions are –

1)	What is the difference with LA & VA
2)	We are hoping for a younger child (as we have 4 year old BC) I always thought VA had older hard to place children??
3)	Once approved can you still be put forward for children in the local authority? Or is it only children that the VA put forward?

I suppose lastly I would still appreaciate any words of wisdom or advice on either the LA/VA or anyone who is in a similar situation to us in terms of torn between Adoption or another cycle I really feel torn but i do know that when I think of adoption I feel excited and like closure on a chapter which gives me a sense of relief but I also understand where my DH is coming from when he thinks we need one more cycle to confirm that we are totally ready to commit 100% to our next step

Thanks again and sorry if none of the above makes sense my head is a shed at the moment thinking about what to do next 

xxx


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## babybiggles73 (Feb 15, 2010)

Hi
We went with a va. Were approved to adopt and our 14 month old boy moved in on monday. 
Only you can make the decision if adoption is right for you now. Va's have the same protocol as la's so you still have to wait the 6 months after any ivf treatment.


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

thanks babybiggles and congratulations on your little boy

I have spoken to 3 of our local VA and they don't require any time between treatment and applying the only thing you are not allowed to do both but our LA is 6 months which is what our plan was and I was meant to call them this month to get the ball rolling but then last month my DH said he wants to try one more treatment I understand why and he really is on board with adoption but I am more than he is so hence why I was thinking to do one more so he was totally comfortable and then we can close the door on that chapter but I really didn't want to wait another 6 months as we are ready now.

But then i had my concerns as all advice was to go with LA but the VA i have contacted today have all been so lovely about treatment and said that they deal with children of all ages and its a misconception that VA get hard to place children but i didn't know if that was accurate

x


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## babybiggles73 (Feb 15, 2010)

Our child wasn't a hard to place child through our va. We were linked to him when he was 12 months old and in our eyes hes totally perfect. We have a 10 year old bc who adores him, and our va has been really supportive with including her completely from the start


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

I would suggest going to a few open evenings to talk to the social workers in the team. Find out from them what children are looking for families in their teams, whether they are open to you searching independently once approved (children who wait or be my parent) and how long after approval do they put you on the national register. Our LA have been fantastic. I don't know where you are in the world but if you're in the SE at all, look at Southend Adoption as they are amazing. Our little boy was 11 months old when we were linked to him and he moved in at 13 months old. We found him independently of our SW thought Children Who Wait. Good luck xx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

We went to a la, our la wanted a year after our last Ivf. Our son was 8 months at match (found his profile at a coffee morning ) and came home at 10 months.


We had a choice to have another Ivf cycle, but after loosing the last two Ivf pregnancies and them not knowing why even after test after test. I felt I couldn't do it again. Also with the cost this money could be used to support us when I took a year off to bring up our lo. 


Good luck in whatever you choose to do


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

thank you everyone i have yet again spent another evening on the forum reading all your threads and its been so encouraging - the adoption route just feels so right when i think of IVF i think of a black cloud that hangs over I find it really difficult to deal with the unknown - whilst I can appreciate that adoption has elements of unknown at least there is reasoning behind everything but with treatment its such a huge gamble which totally takes over your life.

when i think of adoption i feel a sense of relief, excitement.....happiness & closure 

i guess in writing this I am answering my own questions and think that our journey into adoption may be about to begin 

on a separate note those that have replied you all seem to have been matched to an age group that we would be looking at was there many children of that age available (our LA said there are quite a few under 2 but you never know if thats accurate and always hear these stories of people waiting & waiting for younger children) we need a younger child purely because our BC is 4 

x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We went through a VA and our daughter was an 'easy to place' baby who came home at 10 months after a two month wait post approval to linking. We live in an area which is covered by a large adoption consortium so regardless of LA or VA we would be able to access the same children's profiles. We chose VA because communication, timescales, attitude and post adoption support all seemed so much better. Good luck to you xxx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi Harper

On the two coffee mornings we attended (found our son in the second one) we pulled out prob 10-15 profiles of littleones under the age of 12 months. (But as soon as we saw our sons profile we knew he was the one)
Our sw said that most children placed in our la would be around 8+ months due to the time it takes to get the placement order. 
But even now looking on be my parent there are lots of little ones.

Luv Mac


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Within two weeks we were shown 13 profiles and all were under 2 years old and nearly half of these were children under 1


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Thanks girls ideally I would like a 12 month old due to the age difference between bc and ac so thank you for the hope that this age group is available.

Lolly do you mind me asking where you live as apparently our la is also part of a large  consortium 
X


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