# New Home for daily messages!!



## emilycaitlin

Welcome to the daily messages new home!!!

Good Luck to all the secondary IF members!

      

kelway
linchick 
sarylou 
suszy 
keira 
maz 
gabrielle 
Honeyprincess 
TC2 
pip34 
pand 
kazvan 
emmyloupink 
jakesmum 
lainey lou 
kitty 
jo 
sazz 
drownedgirl 
mrs chaos 
missyb 
Debbie1810 
bel 
cinders 
clairead 
hollie22 
clairead 
bek
ba
dizzyloo
nanook


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## drownedgirl

(repost)

Hi all.

I'm a bit of a misery atm.  I did so well getting to day 9 post ER feeling beautifully relaxed and optimistic but the bad cramps followed by a complete loss of the previous full sensation in my abdomen has sent me into a bit of a tail spin and I have been fighting against tears most of the last few days.

My tests came by post and so I have decided to do one tomorrow (9dp 3 dt) as in my experience of early pregnancy and miscarriage, a good pregnancy will have decent levels of hcg by 12 dpo. I believe the average is 50 miu, and the tests are 25miu I think.

I’d rather test and get a negative and maybe be pleasantly surprised later, then hold out and then fall with a crash. And if there is a line, however faint, then at least I can tell myself I’m stupid to fear the worst!

I’m trying to think positive though. And even if it hasn’t worked this first try, there are plenty of fertilised eggs and embryos on ice, and we’ll try to arrange a FET asap.

I wish I didn’t feel so tearful and just… depressed. It’s hard not to get subsumed under the weight of all my losses and all the medical intervention and the sheer struggle just to keep on.

I’m tired.


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## *Lollipop*

Dear drownedgirl,

Just wanted to send you lots of   , and to tell you im thinking of you hun...it must be difficult right now,as always during this time we are always sensitive to every twinge, and all your hormones are working overtime right now!! Take extra special care ..Gabriellexxxxx lots of positive vibes coming yr way..!!!


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## drownedgirl

Doesn't look like DS will be getting a sibling for his birthday.

I'm 12 dpo and a 10 miu test is white as white.

I suppose it COULD change, but not likely


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## cinders35

Thinking of you drownedgirl,     for me the 2ww is the worst part of ttc. Though you have tested bit early, but you seem to have a good idea about levels with your history. Let's hope you've got it all wrong and tested too early, and if not, like you say, when you're ready move on with plan b or c or whatever it is!
I'm so sorry for the heartache you and yours are feeling.
Love Cindersxxx


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## missyb

afternoon ladies!!! i have had so much catching up to do as i havent been around for a bit. this post will probably be a bit waffly as i feel my head is a bit waffly at the mo!! so i'll apologise in advance!

drownedgirl i wish i knew more about what tests you are doing and what you are going through. im still quite new to all of this and i havent really started my journey yet. all i can say is that im thinking of you and hope you have some good news for us soon.

cinders! hi hun missed you too. i do have a letter from my mum excusing me from posting as i have been a miserable cow and she felt the humane thing to do was to spare you from the wafflings of miss molten lava crazy (me)!

hey suzy!! how are you doing? im soz for being out of the loop for a bit. it's nice to catch up and it's nicer still to know that you are thought about and missed.

hi pand how are you hun? hope you are healing well.

hi laura hun... belated happy b'day.

hi laineylou, sarylou and anyone else i've missed but not forgotten.

well ive had an odd few weeks. i came on on the 17th (at work which is typical!!) i had a few pains in my side and came on... had 2 days of hell (v heavy period) then nothing for a whole day then i came on again then off then on... what on earth is going on. i rang the dr's and he said it could be a bad period or a chemical pregnancy... not sure if he was right or wrong or what. i did a test but it was negative... i really do feel at times like im going mad. i know i've said it a hundred times before but i think if i knew i couldnt have anymore children i'd get on with it, but all of this is like torture. anyway, i was a bit more positive about things and after seeing the chinese herbal type person i have bought some 'womb warming' tablets (do i sound desperate and or mad??) dp went to the dr's to get a SA (to get his boys checked!) so we should get the results next week. i have my colposcopy on 8th june and so i guess after that i can go to the dr's to be referred, so i guess things are moving.

anyway, im sorry ive gone on and on. thank you for giving me the chance to rant even though i know none of what i have said has made sense!


love amanda xx


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## Pand

Hi everyone.

Drownedgirl - My heart went out to you when I read your post and I read your story in the pinks underneath your message.  You have been through so much, you deserve for things to work this time.  The only consolation I can give you is when I was pregnant with my first I tested on the day of my period (14 dpo) and the line was so faint as to be practically invisible.  I had to wait another week before I could see the line properly.  I know your test was white, but sometimes the HCG levels can be so low as to not show up if you test early.  I know its only a slim chance but don't give up yet.  I've been posting on the Hydro Chicks thread too, and a girl on there has been ttc for five years, gone through everything including several rounds of IVF and FET transfers, has PCOS, one tube and a dh with low count and she has just fallen pregnant naturally whilst waiting for AF to arrive for next round of IVF.  Miracles do happen hun.  Sit tight and post when you are down.  We will be here for you if the worst comes to the worst.

Amanda - I don't think you're mad taking "womb warming" pills.  There's a lot of anecdotal evidence to say that Chinese herbs can have some effect, and if it works for you then just go for it!  What is a chemical pregnancy anyway?  I've heard the term lots but don't understand it.  Let me know if the womb warming tablets work... I might invest as well!!!!

Hi to everyone else and I hope you are all ok.

As for moi, I'm healing well and seeing the cons tomorrow (hopefully he will let me drive now!).  He should let me know when we can start ttc again then we will be back on the rollercoaster...deep joy!

Will keep you posted!

Lots of love 

Amanda


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## SUSZY

Welcome to our new home girlies

Hope you all ok and had a good bank hol despite the weather.

so sorry drowned girl and still keeping everything crossed for you    

nice to see you girls back again Gabrielle  and as every Missby just come on and post and get your feelings down when you are feeling down its therapy!!!- same for you lainey lou and samblue although do understand its hard sometimes.
Pand so glad you are on the mend girl great news and we will meet up one day and will pm you soon.
How are you Maz and honey princess and cinders also hope you doing ok tc2 and Pip who found out got a bfp but posting elsewhere.
also just wanted to say HI to the following who have not heard from for a while  kelway, keira, kazvan      
emmyloupink, jakesmum kitty,  sazz , mrs chaos , clairead and hollie22      - if you are reading this please come back and post !!    
I do hear from debs and linda on another thread although latter just moved and has no connection and former been away a bit.

I have had a productive day with my table top sale and although did not make loads only cleared £23 after paying for stall and spent £5 but it felt good to release some of my stuff and dhs and even some of his first wives stuff which quite funny.  I am such a horder it was good to get rid of some stuff you know.  Others did well as they just priced to sell and their stuff was better but next time you never know might clear the house a bit more and its inspired me.
we have also been carpet and paint shopping just to get ideas and came back with a super king size bed half price with a mattress cover and duvet thrown in!! quite excited as we do a lot of bed hopping in our house as my dh gets quite restless and I am such a light sleeper and we have a visitor at all hours and instead of getting out of the bed and going in the spare room we can have a third of the bed to ourselves!  all costing quite a lot without the tx but feel like I want to be a good wife and not spend spend spend on trival things but make the home nice for whatever the outcome.
anyway enough of me thinking of you all and sending my love to you all.
am off the day and night tomorrow but should be back on Wed night

lots of love and luck as ever to each and every one of you.

susie


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## sazz

Ladie,Have been lurking again-but feel chastened into returning to sec.inf!!!!I also hve been excused from posting on the grounds that a/t I might write wld be miserable!!!!! 
I hve just done last ICSI (at least with own eggs), am now on 2ww and am testing Thursday. Since dr told me I have only 5% chance, hve. not been v. positive...... 
Feel terrible for DS who saw me crying other night and started to cry too... .I really don't feel like I've been much help to him recently(or much of a mum )
DH still agst DE-but so want to give DS a sibling.AAAgh!!!

Lots of love to all
Sazz


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## cinders35

Morning all.
Drownedgirl, howrthings today? As you can see we are all routing for you. Would love to give you a hug, but this will have to do.    
Missyb, good job you brought a note or you would be in BIG trouble missus!!!!!   Womb warming sounds fine and dandy to me, bring it on!!!! (Hope there are no kinky pervs reading about us warming our wombs?!?!)
Y'know you guys are great, cos when I am feeling c**p I pour my heart out on the page, and you put up with it and better still speak to me! You guys disappear when you are feeling c**p, I'm not sure whether to thank my lucky stars that you do. or feel pants cos I don't get the chance to see you through your dark moments!!!? I guess we all deal differently with our emotions, and unfortunately for you my coping mechanism is to spill it out, sorry!!!!
Pand, glad you are doing ok. Was just wondering did you have many endo symptoms before diagnosis? I have endo cysts on both ovaries, but have not had a lap&dye, so not sure about the rest of my abdo. At my last appointment consultant did think if next treatment fails it might be worth having a look around!!!   Though if doing IVF little point, as IVF bypasses the problem of endo (I think!)
Hi Sazz, don't think our paths have crossed before. But welcome back! Just wondered if you have dd or ds? How old? Good luck for thurs! Are you driving yourelf mad with symptom spotting? Or frantic Knicker checking? Or are you remaining relatively sane?! 
Hi Suszy, you know the saying, "new bed, new baby"!!!? 
Byeeeeeeeee......off to bed shop.......
Cindersxxxx


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## sazz

Must apologise to all for "me" post.Along with other probs   I also hve terrible insomnia(!!!) which accounts for v. sad and sorry for myself early morning post 

Cinders-2ww is horrendous-it is all DH's fault !!!He wanted "one last try...." If there ever is a next time (with DE) hopefully the % odds will be slightly higher than 5% and I will feel a bit less  !!!! I'm not knicker checking (even past that!!!!) but have resigned myself to failure!!!!!
I have wonderful DS (7 1/2) who I wld love to give a brother/sister to.It's crazy isn't it-I wasn't really into baby/toddler phase-(in fact still not!!!!) but now I love him to bits.By the way, my gynae said same thing-IVF means that endo doesn't prevent implantation.(I hve that too!!!)

Sazz


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## missyb

evening all!! just been reading all the posts and catching up. it feels good to be in the frame of mind where i can post. i have been doing more opk's and finally have a line so dp is going to be tied to the bed for the next few days whether he likes it or not!!!! lol. i have my colposcopy on 8th june and im dreading it... i'd like to go to the dr's for once and keep my knickers on!! i always have problems that involve me having to shave my legs and make sure i wear my best bridget jones knickers. one of the girls at work told me about her friend who went for a smear test and did a last minute 'freshen up' in the toilet in the dr's surgery but there was not tissue so she used a bit from her bag.. anyway when the dr did the smear he pulled out a 1st class stamp from off of her lady bits and asked her if she wanted it back!!!! when my friend told me i laughed so hard i spouted tea through my nose!!! hmmmm so attractive! 

anyway, back to posting...

hi sazz never apologise for 'me' posts... we are like group therapy.. many a times i have come away from posting and felt better for getting it off of my chest and out of my head. we all know how you feel and alot of the times someone on here knows just the right thing to say at the right time. good luck with the 2 ww.

pand- glad you are healing well and hope it all goes well with the consultant xx

cinders- hun you always make me larf!! womb warming sounds like jonathan ross type central heating eh? pervs lol ewwwww 

suzy- sounds like you have been a busy bee. i'm a super horder so i wont show ur post to dp otherwise my stuff will go walkabouts!!! 

hey to all of those who i have missed but like i said before havent 4gotten...


love amanda xxx


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## samblue

Hi chaps!
I'm back! Sorry for being away and abandoning you all, I've been up to my neck in it & 'making like an ostrich' ref ttc! Think DH may be feeling a bit neglected in the bms department, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not in the flaming mood   Know its my own fault and in another day or two we'll have missed our spot, but I'm trying to ignor it and hope that it all goes away (sum chance)
Had the week from hell last week, everything went wrong, clutch broke on car (so having to drive DH 'bucket', with bag over head - no power steering- very achy shoulders & arms like arnie ), walked into gents loos at work by mistake (honest! don't all ladies toilets have urinals in them?  ), nearly upset a friend by saying something not very nice about her friend, my neice was poorly in hospital (better now thank heavens), didn't see my good friend at work (think he's avoiding me?) and one of my best mates at work is leaving to go travelling so we had his leaving do on friday!  So sad   There! How 'pants' is that!
Sorry if this all sounds trivial, but you know when it all starts to mount up and you think, i think i need some therapy or something (large bacardi?).  I emailed my friend in scotland and said that i feel like i'm split into 3 people, mum & wife, 'baby-making machine' and 'party animal' (coz i'm misbehaving at every opportunity, in an attempt to blot out all the cr*p stuff)
I've been avoiding coming on here coz i've been avoiding thinking about ttc, sorry if i've not been here for you all  
Cinders, thanks for pm, you brought me back 
Hi to all of you, on half term this week so will be back to do personals later or tom (i know, i said that last time, but i really mean it this time! )
luv to you all & huge hugs, keep the faith girlies,
luv sam xxxx


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## cinders35

Glad you guys are back! But enough of the soppy stuff.
Gotta have an early night, work tommorow, and have had too many late nights, decorating!!! (party animal I wish!)
Oh god, cd dictates it is coming up to   time, not sure I can stay awake!
N'night!
Love Cindersxxx


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## Pand

Hi everyone,

Samblue - sorry you have had such a cr*p week hun.  You're right, everything does mount up doesn't it?  I felt like that before Xmas with my best mate getting preggers, cracks appearing in my house (query subsidence), and the car breaking down days before Xmas!  It's best to get it all out of the way in one go tho!  Have a very large alcoholic something and pamper yourself.  Hopefully next week won't be so bad!

Cinders - I'm probably not the best person to ask about endo.  I had no symptoms at all until I had my cyst last year.  The cyst was really large (7cm x 7 cm x 5cm) and had attached to my bowel and bladder and it was only really at that point that I felt any pain.  Prior to that I had no idea at all about endo.  It turns out my mum suffered really badly from it at my age as well but I've only found that out since I have gone through all of this sh*t!  Glad to hear it doesn't affect IVF tho as you will see below.

Feeling very down tonight.  Went to see cons this morning.  Am healing really well, but he says no ttc for another 6 weeks.  I asked about my remaining tube and he told me it is twisted back on itself and also glued to my ovary.  When we asked him what our chances were, he hedged his bets a bit and said the HSG showed it was open in November, however having looked at it during the op it is unlikely to be functioning properly.  He also said that if we did conceive we stood a high chance of it being ectopic and if I do get a BFP then I must ring him immediately.  My dh asked if he was a betting man how would he rate our chances and he said its possible but not likely.  He suggested once better trying for only three to four months then doing IVF.

DH and I have talked loads since and have decided to ask to go straight to IVF as it seems our chances are b*ggered otherwise and we don't want to keep waiting on a slim chance.  Have no idea where we are going to find the money. Have been v tearful all day and feel like a complete failure.  Feel guilty because this is all my fault and it's going to cost so much money and it still might not work.  Am v scared about IVF too.  I know it's no walk in the park, and most of all terrified we will go through it all only for it to fail.  My friends keep reminding me of all the people for whom its worked first time, but I'm just not that lucky.

Sorry this is a me post but am v down.  It would help if someone could let me know how long it takes to do one cycle of IVF as we wanted to do it during the summer holidays, but we are going away in the middle of August so that will probably stuff that up!

Hope everyone else is ok!

Take care

Amanda


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## Guest

hiya girls, i wondered whee you had all gone 

looks like ive got loadsa posts to read thru, for now i will just send you all loads of hugs, kisses and positive thoughts
            ​
love maz xxx


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## missyb

hi ya all! hope u r all ok. got my womb warming pills today. you have to take 8 3 times a day. they look like round shiney rabbit droppings and im scared im going to turn into a beanie toy!!

pand- aw hun i read your post and wanted to cry for you. it just seems like one obstacle after another! to the cons leaving it another 6 wks before ttc and then 3-4 mths of trying before going over to ivf seems like a short period of time but to us it's an eternity!! just keep going hun. you have to. you have to try and be positive... even if it is the last thing you feel.

hi maz thanks for the hugs and positive thoughts xx

hi sam hope you are having a better time of it hun xx

hi cinders hope work wasnt too pants and that you got yourr early night. you have to conserve your energy for bms! 

i hope you are all surviving the hols and the rubbish weather!

lots of love


amanda xx


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## ♥samonthemoon♥

Hi girls,

Well new to this thread but have enjoyed reading through it so thought i'd pipe up!!!#
I concieved naturally when i was 17 and 20 both the first time was a complete surprise (accident sounds awfull!!!)
my second was planned and took 6wks to concieve!!!! have grown up a lot since, seperated from the childrens dad just after number2. i have since found my dh who i love more than i ever realised possible  but now that we have decided to try for a child of our own it's just not happening  dh is fine and i'm due to go for bloods and a scan soon. although last month my af was back to her normal 28day cycle for the first time since i came off the pill!!!!! af due on friday  so not much of the awfull 2ww left for me 

Anyway girlies just thought i'd say HI and sure i'll be chatting with you all again v soon 

                                        sam xxx


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## missyb

hi sam, i was about to leave and do something boring like make dinner but then i saw your post and thought i'd say hi. we are a friendly lot on this thread. so hope we here more from you! i am in a similar position to you in that i have 2 children with a previous partner. i hope that the wicked witch stays away for you on fri.

love

amanda xx


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## ♥samonthemoon♥

Thanks amanda 

Everyone on the site is amazing and never fail to amaze me at just lovely a bunch u all r!! 
i'm off to get the dinner on now (boaring!!) look forward to speaking again soon hunny 
                                      sam xxx


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## samblue

Hi all,
have decided against being domestic goddess today, did sum school work this morning, caught up wiv a friend and then spent all afternoon down the pub  !Obviously only drinking diet coke coz i'm still driving the 'bucket' (car not fixed yet ), but felt compelled to eat my way thro 2/3rd of a portion 'to share' of choc fudge cake - my friend wouldn't share!! What's a girl gonna do? . 
Had a good chat wiv my friend, she's worried bout me & thinks I'm depressed! Must admit i haven't felt this cr*p for a long time, everything seems too much effort, so maybe she's got a point? Who knows? I'm afraid I've always been brought up to think that I can 'snap myself out of it', but at the mo, i'm not so sure. Thought i was far too sensible for depression (sorry, don't mean to offend anyone, hope you know what i mean)
Anyway, enough of me.

Welcome sam (cool name!), nice to meet you!

Missyb, luv the beanie toy thing! i'm intrigued as to whether having a warm womb means you can turn the heating down!

Oh pand!  keep your chin up hun, wish i could make you all better! It's not your fault hun, sh*t happens - usually to the nicest people. I wonder if i did something in a previous life (or earlier in this one) to deserve this, i'm basically a nice person too! sending you hugs xxx

Hi cinders! hope you managed to stay awake for sum bms! my DH looked so cheesed off yesterday coz of work and my car trouble i said to him 'you look like you need a good s**g' (sorry tmi!!), that put a smile on his face! They're quite simple creatures aren't they!

Hi maz, sazz (good luck wiv testing ) and suszy (well done wiv table top sale!)
I'm off to try find something for dinner (large bacardi?), if i've forgotten anyone please forgive me , i'm quietly losing my mind! 
luv to you all, it's nice to know i'm not the only barking mad one in the world!
luv sam xxx


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## honeyprincess

Hi girls

Hope ur all ok ?

Im crap 

Had baseline yesterday....NO OVULATION!!!!

SO nurse said i gotta have blood test 4 PCO and having hsg next month to see if im blocked, feeling pretty numb and negative right now.

Also feel really angry, my family were like 'oh u will be alright cuz u have Emily' oh and 'ur young u wil be ok' people just assume u will hav no problems now i just feel like shouting at everyone. 


Ok i wont rant to much 

take care all
Love Laura xx


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## missyb

hi sam! the domestic goddess thing is seriously overated! your friend may have a point hun. she is an outsider (as such) looking in and so may have a better view of whats going on with you. may be you could make an appointment with the dr's and see if they can refer you on for counselling or medication. you sound like me in that you just think you should snap out of it and when that doesnt happen you just trundle on hoping it will get better. i havent been clinically depressed but probably close, where even getting out of bed in the morning  is a gigantic effort. i think also the whole ttc thing can have a huge impact on your mental health too. i go from being positive and saying the mantra 'you can have a baby you will have a baby' to the depths of despair when i come on and every emotion in between. I turn into a sex pest at bms time, and im taking womb warming tablets in the desperate hope that my womb will be nice and toasty for a baby!!! i sound like i need a psyche referral!! (i hope i havent caused any offence..i'm not making light of mental illness just how my own sanity is questionable at times!)

hope all you other ladies are ok.. hi cinders, lainey-lou (where r u hun miss you) suzy, laura and any1 else ive missed.


amanda xx


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## missyb

hi laura, my post and yours must've crossed. im sorry you are feeling so pants. is a baseline a blood test? i really dont know what to say as i know that nothing will change how u will feel. people can be so blase but they mean well. ( i know well meaning doesnt help but you get what i mean) you have to keep going hun.. you have come this far. you have to keep going for us all too. one of these days you will get your bfp and it will be what keeps me going when im waiting for mine.. coz i know what you'll have been thru to get it... does that make any sense?? im in waffle mode. feel free to pm me if you feel you want to chat hun and get it off your chest.

amanda xx


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## SUSZY

Dear Girls
sorry not been on for a few days and about to go again for a few but will take the lap top so catch up with you all.
welcome to Sam - you have come to a great place as you can see and you can post whatever mood you are in.

Pand - so sorry that the cons said you had to wait a while - its a real pain but hopefully it will pass quick, also with ivf - you can do searches on here - I think it takes 4-6 weeks as you have to down reg with injections (mimics menopause) and then stimulate with injections but sure there are other girls who can tell you more as never actually done it! although will hve to with the DE

Honeyprincess- so sorry you are so low and quite understandable hope the tests get some results so you know what is going on, thinking of you at this hard time.

Samblue - Impressed with you not doing housework and going to the pub instead!  My friends were the same with me back in nov/dec/jan but they all talked to each other about me rather than talking to me and supporting me, I have never felt so alone in the whole of my life but a couple of people were there for me and this web site was a godsend and real therapy and I was also seeing a counsellor so it helped to talk, I was the same as you as have never had depression or be down (although do feel worse in the winter) but feel tons better now but still have some issues with friends not being there for me anyway hopefully with time and chat and on here you will feel better.  hope the car gets sorted too.

cinders - hope bms went ok but I am the same and sometimes just cannot be bothered and its such a shame its turned out like that but when you fail month after month sometimes i wonder why i bother too

Sazz - nice to hear from you again and sorry you been so low and good luck on your 2ww

Missby - I took those womb warming tablets for a couple of months and also some chinese herbal tea - my dh went mad because they were very expensive and what with the acupuncture and the fact I was driving a long way to have it done he used to go mad at the expense but I enjoyed it but sadly it did not work for me but I think we will try anything to help our chances

Hi to laineylou hope you feeling better but if not please come on here and post and hi to sarylou

lots of love to drowned girl sorry its not looking good.

sorry have to dash as off to devon and dh having a go at me.

will come on again soon - will be back sunday but may take lap top and come on here whilst away

lots of love to you all and hope you all start to feel better soon

I know where you are coming from as feel the same and do feel much better now although some days not so.

love to you

susie


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## Guest

hi girls 

just nipping on to tell you that scan went great, loadsa follies (12ish) 12mm-16mm plus around 10 smaller ones on each ovary 
lining is 8.2 and the nurse was really happy with that, she said anything over 8 is fab
im back for a scan on sat then ec on monday 

laura im so sorry hun, sending you loadsa hugs      

i will come back and do personals tomoro

love to everyone else, maz xxx


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## Pand

Hi girlies,

Aw Samblue, thank you for your support hun.  Your words were really kind and it means a lot.  As for depression, I had Post Natal after my ds, and my reaction when people suggested it was exactly the same as you!  I actually felt really ashamed of myself as I thought I was always a strong person and only weak people who couldn't cope got depressed... well its more common for the stronger ones to go down with a bump cos they take so much on on their own, bottle it up and try to cope!!!  Also depression is not anyone's fault, its a chemical imbalance caused by reaction to stress hormones.  If your friend is concerned about you, and you just can't feel any joy in life anymore, then go and have a quiet chat with your gp.  You can also get herbal supplements to help (visit your local Holland and Barrett store), but check with your gp before taking them.  Many people with depression deal with it by counselling alone, so you are doing the right thing by talking to people.  Perhaps your gp could help with that too?

Laura - One of my pet hate phrases that people always trot out whenever I talk about my experiences is "At least you have your little boy."  I know why people say it... its because they don't know what else to say and they are trying to get you to see the positive in the situation.  HOWEVER it drives me absolutely mental, cos they might as well be saying, "You've got one, stop being so greedy, other people haven't got any!"  I'm sure that's not what they mean but that's how it feels!  I'm really sorry about your baseline reading.  I'm sure you must be feeling utterly gutted about now.  Just hang in there flower.  There are some fantastic drugs to get those ovaries working again, and now that they know what the problem is hopefully they will be able to sort out some decent treatment for you.  It doesn't matter what age you are, or how many children you have, infertility hurts like hell and you have to be a strong person to cope with it... you are strong and you will get through this.  In the meantime come and chat.

Maz - that's excellent news about your follies!  Once I'm on that IVF bandwagon I will be posting you for lots of advice!  Fingers crossed you get lots of lovely eggs and then some fab little embies.  

As for the me bit.  I'm feeling a bit more positive today.  DH and I have decided we might as well get on with the IVF as we don't think three more months will make much difference.  Our families have been really supportive and offered to help with the cost which has taken some of the panic away.  I'm going to ring my cons secretary tomorrow to see if they will refer us straight away as it would be great to time it with the summer hols.  I know its a long shot but worth a try.  

Anyway that's all for now.  Will post again soon.

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## ♥samonthemoon♥

Hi Girls,

Just thought i'd let u know it was another  for me this month  but af feels like she's coming so at least my cycle is hopefully back to 28days  
just wanted to send big hugs to u all: missyb, pand, samblue, princess consuala banana hammock (p.s: love the name!! ), honey princess, cinders35 and suzy.... if i've forgot anyone please forgive me   
                              sam xxx


----------



## Guest

im back 

right lets see.......

awww sam im so sorry hun, sending you loadsa hugs     

amanda, im glad your feeling more positive hun  ive got my fingers crossed for you  that you get refered straight away, it great that your families are helping you hun 
and as for ivf hun, ask away 

god this is hard, ive read the posts but have forgotton everything ,
ok i'll do this, 
sending loads of hugs, kisses and positive thoughts    to...

susie, missy.b, laura, samblue, cinders, sazz and drownedgirl

(is that everyone?  )

love n hugs, maz xxx


----------



## sazz

Hi ladies,
Grr-another BFN for me.Actually don't feel too bad (or maybe delayed shock!!! ) I'm so used to getting BFNs that it's what I expected.Not sure what's next.Wld be up for a/t really!!!!But will try to push relcalcitrant DH in direction of DE (by whatever means necessary!!!!)  

At least I can get back to drinking/exercising etc.Must have put on at least 3kg during TX(mostly from sheer laziness ).Will open bottle of wine (or maybe even Champagne!!!) tonight and celebrate what I do have(wonderful DS/DH)
Love to all  

Sazz
xxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Mornin' all,
Have been checking in every day, just no time to post. Dd taking up all my time! She is SO ready for school!! 
Anyway, just wondering how you doing drownedgirl? Thinking of you. 
Hey Sam, I'm sorry you are feeling so pants. You are lucky to have such a good friend who is able to approach you with her concerns for your welfare! I'm sure most of us on here could probably have done with counselling at some point! It's something I have seriously considered since ivf, as I have access to a counsellor from the clinic. Haven't made that step, not entirely sure why. Think I have bored friends senseless, bored you guys senseless, and bored myself with my outpourings of grief and frustration!
I hope you find a way, whether it's through friends or a counsellor to work through your feelings and emotions. Infertilty is pretty tough to take at times, but you can't let it beat you! 
Missyb, how warm is your womb hun?! I may joke,  but I shall be straight out to buy some when you get your bfp!!!!
Hi Sazz, sorry for your bfn, think you had already convinced yourself it was a bfn, but it's still a shock. Hope you had a nice tipple last night? I luuuuurve champagne!!! Big  
Hey Sam050703, Welcome aboard. Sorry for your bfn. 
Somebodys got to break this bfn run! Maz, looks like the pressure is on!! Best of luck for ec on monday! It's getting to the exciting bit now!!!      
Hi Laura, sorry you feeling so c**p. What was the baseline? Scan? Bloods? Can't remember your profile? But if you are not ovulating, then this is something they can do something about, so it may not be as negative as you first thought. I understand your frustration, but it sounds like they are taking your problems ttc seriously, with hsg etc.     People always put their foot in it, trying to say the "right thing". It took years of ttc and failing before medics would take me seriously, and a long time before friends and family would, it's not their fault. Most people are ignorant to secondary infertlity, its just makes you want to scream with frustration!!!!
Hey Pand, I'll save you a seat on the ivf rollercoaster, as long as you promise not to scream in my ear and throw up?!!! 
Hi Suszy, enjoy your weekend,  
This post has taken me ages!!!!
Me? Signed consents yesterday, spent fortune on drugs,( need big dose stimulation drugs to get my ovaries gong, so vv expensive. Typical!!) which are all waiting in the cupboard, some in fridge. Ready to start on day 21. Very low key, both dp and I not excited this time. Just going through the motions. Hope this won't have negative affect on treatment. Ah well, what will be.....
Love Cindersxxx
p.s. You back from hol yet Lainey?


----------



## honeyprincess

Hi

Thanks for all your kind words.
Cinders it was a the internal scan, this is routine as we already know we need to sperm donation as my partner has no sperm, so the clinic was 'checking me out' to seee what treatment we need.

I still feel crap, trying hard not to let it drag me down, Emily is givin me lots of love, she must know wen mummy is sad cuz she hasnt got a clue wat is going on, bless her.

Hope you are all ok and thanks again for your support.

Love Laura x


----------



## missyb

mornng all!! just a quickie to say hi and say that i hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoyed the sunshine.

hi laura- hope you are feeling a bit better hun.big hugs from me hun xx

hi cinders! well hun my womb as well as the rest of me has been feeling warm this w.end!! im too embarassed to tell any of my friends outside ff that im taking these pills as they'd think im mad. i was really positive that this is going to be my month but i am now getting that period-y back ache so i guess no matter how positive i feel my body is saying otherwise!!! ah well wicked witch not due till tuesday so we'll see. hope your ok hun and that although u and dh arent as excited this time round you will get your bfp!!!

hi sazz soz for bfn hun xx

hi to everyone else!! suzy, lainey-lou,sarylou, emily caitlin etc...

xxx amanda xx


----------



## ♥samonthemoon♥

Afternoon ladies!!

Sorry for the absence recentlly been a v busy wkend! well af is still here in full flow but she was bang on time which is an upside 
hope ur all keepiing well and had lovely wkends??
                                  sam xxx


----------



## TC2

Hi Everyone...Still here 'on the other side', checking in on you all the time!!  

Pand - My cycle from Down regging to Test day was 7 weeks.  If you are gonna do the IVF my advice is to just get on with it...it takes a while to get it all sorted out and i was really suprised that whilst i was waiting my FSH shot up (i didnt feel stressed as bad as all that but it really affected my bloods!) and i felt so much better for just getting on with it.  Obviously its a big deal going through it,; but so is pregnancy and labour and i just kept reminding myself you don't get anything that good without a bit of blood sweat and tears!  I didnt think it would work for us....and was really just doing it to 'complete' my efforts so i could draw a line under it and move on with us as a family of three....but lucky things can happen.....we had to borrow our money from family and only had enough for one cycle....and look how it turned out for us, i count my blessings every day and my heart breaks for those who dont know our happiness.... i know that no amount of people telling you it can happen will help but try like i did to cling to the thought that it CAN and DOES happen to some people and do everything you can to make it happen for you.  I have my  for you    


Hang in there all of you...........

Teena x


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

Teena - Thanks hun.  Your words have really helped.  I am so impatient to get going.  Have tried to get appointment with my cons, but he is swapping clinics so waiting for him to get back to me.  Now that we have resigned ourselves to IVF I just want to get going.  Still, I've waited this long I can wait for a bit longer!

Cinders - I would love to scream in your ear!  Think I already have haven't I?  I really appreciated your PM.  I've kept it so that I can refer to it whenever I need!  You are a star.  I would so love for it to work out for you chick.

Susie - hope you enjoyed your break flower.

Hi to everyone else.  Only a quickie tonight.  Feeling so frustrated and impatient at the mo.  Just want something to go well.

On a positive note, brother and sister-in-law had my first ever nephew at the weekend (ahh SO cute!).  So I am a very proud aunty for the first time!  At least I will be able to vent some of my cluckiness on him!  

Take care all and speak soon (back to work now so will probably be posting a little less often).

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## missyb

evening all! hope everyone is ok. my poor dp has raging toothache! and so is not a happy camper.i'm at that odd stage in my cycle where im just waiting for signs that could lead to a bfp.. do these sound like the rantings of a mad person? ok i know the whoe womb warming pills (which reminds me i need to take 8 more!!) sounds desperate.. but now im symptom checking... ok does sore boobies and a craving for scampi fries mean a) im pregnant or b) i am lacking something in my diet!!! answers on a postcard..

i hope you're all ok and im sorry ive waffled.

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Evening all,
Computer being naughty yesterday.  Still here now! Lovely to hear from you Teena, are you still feeling awful? Or is that phase passing? I loved your post of encouragement for Pand, gonna poach some of those     it gave off. Get ready to share Pand, we don't want any fighting in the playground!!!
Missyb, am WILLING those symptoms on you. Hoping you are throwing your guts up in the morning! (In the nicest possible way sweety, you know that!! )    Any left over womb warmers welcome my way if you are!!!!
Love to you ALL,
Cindersxxx


----------



## clairead

Hi there,

I am just wondering if I can pop in and get some advice.  I have been on the Clomid board but Clomid isn't working for me and as I have 2ndry IF, I thought that you might be able to help?

My consultant has advised that I now have either ovarian drilling or go for FSH injections.  I suffer from PCOS and am now starting to wonder how on earth I ever conceived my son!  I have very irregular cycles and Clomid seems to have actually made this worse.  My last cycle on 100mg was 56 days and this cycle, who knows?  I took 150mg but at my last scan on Monday, my cons said that it hasn't worked again and no point in taking Clomid on further cycles.

It seems that everyone I know is pg with baby number 2 (all the ante-natal and post-natal girls I met when I had DS 2.5 years ago).  I am so frustrated - I felt sure that Clomid would do it - I know now that I was niaive.

If anyone has any experience or advice about either ovarian drillin or taking FSH, I would love to hear it!!  I need to make the decision within the next month.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you get that BFP really soon.
Claire


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi,

Welcome to the secondary IF board!!!! People are on here most days, so keep popping on. It is hard when everyone else seems to be having their second, all my daughters friends from when she was a baby now have siblings, and she's always on her own. I try and cope with it by tuning in on all the hard times they have with two, and think, well at least I don't have that to cope with!

Another board that might help a bit more with the PCOS problems is here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0

They might be able to tell you things in more detail!!


----------



## *Lollipop*

Evening Ladies,

Just thought id pop in again and see how everyone is?, I know I'm really guilty for not posting regularly but you are all always in my thoughts.

Just a small note for missyb I also take those womb toasty tabs and along with acu they have really helped my endo (Pains are not as bad and dont pass as many clots), I also take other ones that reg my af as well as using a hot water bottle now and again..so hopefully they will work for ye!!   

Well blood results were not too bad. So it looks like we may go ahead with IVF/ICSI in the forthcoming months depending on what cons says at initial consultation. Im really nervous about the whole thing Im really trying to stay positive but after ttc for over ten years, the light feels really dim at the end of the tunnel right now. Trying to stay positive for ds and dh but dh really getting cross with me because im having doubts....( I think Cinders explained it as a sort of self preservation, you really want to be successful but you are trying to prepare yourself too )

Im finding it really hard at work because what feels like 75% of the female population at my work right now are all pregnant all showing, they are all about 6 months now, each moaning about how heavy they feel, comparing bumps and talking about new family cars etc...(Sorry im big green eyed monster here)..It wouldn't be so bad but the first time mothers are also talking about and when I have no 2, we are going to be doing this etc..One of the girls, this is her 3rd pregnancy when she has this baby she will have had 3 children in the space of me trying for one....

I'm also worried about the 2ww and the egg recovery and egg transfer etc..my job is quite physical and I dont want to phone in sick but you know what its like..i really dont want to tell too many people im having my treatment as the pg ones will still be there for a few months yet and i just dont know how that would make me feel with them feeling sorry for me if we weren't successful....Its just so hard to be negative when you have had a lot of years of disappointment..BFN etc...I really hope it works out for you this time Cinders and you get your BFP..you really deserve it, you are so determined..  coming your way !!!

Im really trying take a leaf from Teena's book, and think well im not going to be negative because its going to work this time and Im not going to think about what if it doesn't because I just dont want to go there..You really are an inspiration Teena! and you really do give us all hope that it can happen  

Once again a very neg post thats prob why I dont post often as I dont want to bring everyone else down either..Sometimes i just try and hide away from IF but you are always reminded constantly when you see all the parents with 2 and 3 children around the place...and because its spring everyone seems to be pg..even on Eastenders!!!!!!!!

Anyway enough of the ranting sending lots of         to everyone and wishing everyone lots of luck for their forthcoming treatment, on their 2ww and Get well wishes to those of us just recovering from operations etc. 

Promise Ill try and be a bit more positive next time....Gabxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S sorry for mistakes but dont want to spell check incase i lose this..


----------



## cinders35

Morning all,
Thankyou so much Gab for your positive thoughts and vibes. It means a lot. I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to have this going on for on for 10 years, so if anyone deserves it you do! If anyone is determined, you are!! So the lights a bit dull at the end of your tunnel? I'll change the bulb!!!  Seriously. you must have such strength to keep going, and if you are going in with the big guns now, (ivf) this is going to maximize your chances, and you've got a really good chance of it working! 
You don't have to jump up and down and be excited about it, but you could allow yourself a quiet bit of optimism.
Dealing with pg people I have no idea how to deal with, other than pretending they are all fertility friends!!
You might have to think about some sick leave for post egg collection and 2ww if your job is physical. I had my ec under gen anaesthestic, (my first ga!) it was great! I was PETRIFIED of the ga, but I won't be so worried this time! Emotionally the 2ww was the worst bit for me, I might ask them for a 2w ga!? Can't offer any advice for that!!!
Your post wasn't negative, it was just normal! With normal worries and concerns. We are not on this site because everything is fine and dandy in our lives, we are here because of our fert probs & we are looking for comfort and support from people in the same boat as us. So post away, this is the one place you can allow yourself the luxury of letting it all out!
Hi clairead, welcome aboard. I'm afraid I have no experience of ovarian drilling, or taking fsh, so I'm not much help really! But I hope you find someone who can share their experiences with you soon.
Hi to everyone who may be lurking,
Miss you awolers!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Thanks Cinders, after just reading my post again from last night..I dont think it matters whether you have been trying for 6 months,3,5 years or more, IF is full of so many mixed emotions that noone has a clue what you feel like unless they have been there themselves. My hat goes off to everyone on here as we are ALL determined to not let it beat us and keep striving forward through all the ups and downs "tears and sweat"(Teena quote!!!),
I have just given myself another dutifully boot up the a*** again..I guess Im just being a frady cat  as IVF is unexplored territory.  
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend, good luck girlies, thinking of you all!!!
Gabxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
Must have been the longest since I have been on here - cannot believe it - sending you lost of love and   

Gabrielle - i agree with cinders and think you post was normal and heart rendering and touching and something we have all been through- I think that is what is so wonderful with this site that we have all been through the same things just at different times and that we are all here for each other.  please do keep posting - we love you.  glad you results were ok and that you can look forward to ivf/icis - I am the same as you as that is what we will be doing with the Ed and its all unknown terrioitry other than what I have learnt on here ( I am the same as you with spell check too as thats when I seem to lose my work and doing smiliies).  I also agree with cinders and reckon around ec and et that you need to be off and the first few days of 2ww so perhaps you will have to take some holiday.  it must be so hard with all those people at work esp with their bumps - I so know where you are coming from as have been through it all and its so frustrating that we have to go through all this and pay so much money for something that just happens naturally for others with no reason why not.  I really don't know what to say to help as its hard and I was not very good at dealing with it - its got easier now only in the fact that most of them have had their second and thirds and this was all after my first m/c and most of them have finished now althought I found out about two preg the other day.  There is nothing worse than the ones who have one who say when I have my second as if its so easy.  Its totally normal to feel how you do sweetheart so don't beat yourself up about it.

Cinders - you are full of such good advice and so comforting for everyone. - I am sending you lost of positive thoughts and vibes too - so hope everything going to work out for you. You are also so spot on about the part of you hoping but also the part saying no its not going to happen so that we are kind of protected- think this whole IF thing is like that.  also hopeyou computer behaving itself now - its such a pain when they are not we have come to rely on them so much.

emily caitlin - hope you are ok
sarylou - where are you - any news sweetheart?

Clairead - hello and welcome (although think you have posted on here before) cannot help with any advice but as I have said about to Gab know exactly where you are coming from as in all three of my groups (about 30 mums) there is only one other girl who has not had another all the rest have just popped them out over the last 3 and half years and since my m/c.  I have had some terrible meals out where they are all talking about breastfeeding and their seconds and the whole school run thing as been hard as all seem them carrying on with their seconds while I am on my own although like I think Cinders  said am beginning to try and focus on the second ones being naughty and how hard it must be sometimes.

MissyB - hi hope your warm wombing tablets going ok bit of a tongue twister that one- so good luck and hope you have some good news, sorry about dps toothache had it in feb and its so painful and never stopped til I had the tooth out then it got worse for a while.  it really did not help my state of mind and got really down about that and IF to be extra kind to him!

Pand - good luck with the waiting - I know its hard and you just want to get on with it, lets hope that you hear soon -  also hope that returning to work has not been to bad for you - thinking of you as ever and wishing you lots of luck, a girl I know has just got pregnant with only one tube so there is hope!  congrats on being an aunty.  you know where we are if you need anything support or a rant etc

teena- what a lovely message you wrote and thanks for coming back and you do give us hope and its what we need.  You are very special and you know how lucky you are but you had a long journey to get there too.  How have you been feeling and how many weeks are you?? thanks for making us feel better - I have still not done very well with weight but might also pick your brain again about ivf etc.  It feels much better to have an appointment though.


samblue- how are you - how is the car - you have been gone nearly as long as me so come back soon.

honeyprincess- hope you feeling a bit better sorry you felt so down, sending you lots of love and hugs

HI to sam05, mazz, sazz hope you all ok and anyone else on here who not posted for a while or lurking.

must dash and catch you all again soon.
we are painting and getting new carpets and have a new king size bed so my dh had a go at me about all the money esp with paying for tx later in the year too but feel I really want to do it its just hard deciding on colours as its so permanent.
also have been helping at school today
just feel everything is happending at once.
also been watching a bit of BB which have not done for the last 2 years but quite funny a house full of girls!
want to send lots of    to you all.

love and kisses my dear friends who help keep me sane

susie


----------



## Keira

Hi Ladies

Just popping on for those of you I have posted with in the past....I have just had my 5 failed IUI and decided NO MORE TX..... I have been tx since 1999 and thankfully have ds..... for the first time in years I actually feel happy and ready to stop and have 'closure' on my fertility issues.  I really never thought I would feel like this       

Hope and pray you all get your wish soon    
Kx


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone,
Just a quicky, as am taking a break from decorating, covered in paint!!
Thanks for your kind words Suszy, I apreciate them.
Hello Keira, not "met" you before, but your post really touched me. I am in the middle of my treatment, on 2nd go ivf. But am making mental shift at the mo, to an acceptance that I may not be able to have another baby. Haven't given up, but feel almost like I have been winding up for the past 3 1/2yrs, and I am now beginning to wind down. I'm fairly sure that by this time next year we will either be pg, or we will have come to the end of our IF journey. Obviously I hope it will be the pg option, but by then I think I will be ready to stop. Move on. Look forward to the rest of my life, be grateful for dd, and make her childhood as great as we can. (Not spoiling obviously!!)
So I would like to congratulate you! Not sure if you will pop back to read this, but congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful exciting future bringing up your ds!
Sincere best wishes
Cindersxxx


----------



## sarylou

A very quick hello from me. 

I had my fertility appointment on friday and the results from the scan show classic pcos. So coupled with the blood results thats what i have. 
I just cant work out why it has taken them so long to realise this-5 yrs ago i went to my gp with af's every 20 days after 12 months of it and she just turned me away saying it will settle down soon.  

I have a blood test booked for 19th to check i ov'd this cycle. 
We go back in August to discuss our next options. If im not oving they will giv me a higher dose for 3 cycles. If i am oving they will give me 3 more cycles of clomid. 

We are happy with what they said and I have a new diet to try out-low sugar and carbs and high protein, will let you know how it goes. 

Hope everyone is well sorry i cant do personals and this is selfsih but just wanted to share my news. x


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Kiera - we haven't spoken, but I think you have made a very brave decision.  I really hope that life does eventually bring you the happiness that you so deserve.  Best of luck for the future and enjoy every second with your ds.

Sarylou - Glad to see they have finally worked out what the problem is.  It's ridiculous that health professionals don't listen to us when we know our bodies best!  When I had a chocolate cyst on my ovary last year that was the size of an orange, the first GP told me there was nothing there and told me it was just superficial pain!  Just goes to show, you have to keep pushing!

Gab - you are not negative my love.  Just normal.  I am just about to embark on the IVF rollercoaster and am also terrified.  It is so daunting!  We can be scared together!  I have lost count of the number of times I have moaned or ranted on this thread.  If we can't be ourselves on here where can we be?  This is the place where everyone understands how you feel and you don't have to hide or put up a jolly front.  No-one will think any less of you.  We will just support you and be there for you.  Given what you are going thro you are perfectly entitled to feel down sometimes!  So, keep posting away!

Cinders - As every your advice and support is fantastic!  Keep it coming!

Susie - Hi hun.  How are you doing?  You are so busy supporting everyone else you haven't really talked about how you are feeling?  Glad you have got a nice big king size bed... I love doing a starfish in ours!  BB has already got me hooked too... doh, which isn't good seeing as I am back at work and I should be getting early nights!

As for me, well I am feeling very well.  All of the op scars have healed really well and its good to be back at work as it stops me brooding about all of this palaver!!!  Have finally got an appointment with my cons for IVF on 28th June so counting down now.  A friend of mine has mentioned something about an induction with the clinic?  What's that all about?  Also if we have already had sperm analysis will we have to do that again?

Generally I'm feeling pretty good at the mo.  Going to see my munchy nephew tomorrow.  Am going to take all my frustrated broody feelings out on him! Brother and sister in law are finding it tough going so I'm going to take dinner down to feed them and have told them to save some housework for me!  It will be lovely but my little one is going to meet his cousin for the first time, so I know that that will be tough as he is so lovely with babies!  

Anyway that's me for this week!  Hope you all have a lovely week (hope the weather keeps up!).

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies! just a quickie to say hi. it's been an odd wk. dp has been quite poorly with his toothache and i had my colposcopy friday. i dont know if im being dense but when they referred me it was because the smears i'd had were inadequate so to me that meant they weren't taken properly or enough of the sample. anyway, when i got there the cons said that the dr was concerned over the inflammation of my cervix and after he did the colposcopy gave me a leaflet (which in all honesty i didnt look at till i got home) saying that the colp was taken as i had pre-cancerous changes? i know that my health is my main concern but to me all of this is yet another obstacle in the way of getting pg!! anyway according to the cons i have a nice plump cervix (!) and so they are going to shave away the inflammed cells... i should get the results of the biopsy in 3 weeks so hopefully all will be ok. this week has been an everyone is pg week 2!! my best friend gave birth to a baby girl, and the assistant physio at work announced that she is pg.. she said to me they'd only 'done it twice' omg!!! lucky cow!!! everyone in crawley is pg apart from me (ok the drama queen in me is coming out but it just seems that way!!

ok.. rant over

hi sarylou- sorry to hear about the pcos, though you sound quite positive about what the next steps are. hope all goes well with the clomid.

hi cinders! ur posts always make me larf. how is the painting etc going?? womb is still warm though cervix knackered!! when do u start your ivf fingers toes and everything else x'd for you.. xx

hi gabrielle thanks for the note about the womb toasty pills..i still feel im going to turn into a beanie toy!!
hope you're ok hun xx

hi suzy you always sound sooooo busy hope ur well.

hi kiera good luck with your ttc naturally. your post really touched me. i really hope that all works out well for you xx

hi to anyone ive forgotten.



amanda xx


----------



## TC2

Hiya

Cinders - I am doing fine now thanks - growing and eating...and growing and eating....get to see bubbas tomorrow (17 week 'marker scan' they do a sort of pre 20 week scan if you have twins...hope to find out what they are....not that it matters..just curious!) I am taking our DS to scan as he really wants to 'see' them, dont know if he will be disappointed as i am not sure what he expects!

Chins up everyone.... as my grannie would say...

love to all of you...

Teena x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone

Soz for the absence, have been on holiday and licking my wounds!

Have been having a terrible time.  Had a good holiday and forgot all about my IF problems, then when I came home it all seemed to come flooding back to me and hit me like a sledgehammer.  Did nothing but cry all last week.

I am afraid I have always been "weak" and have needed anti-depressants for a long time but at the moment they don't seem to be helping and I am sure I am very depressed.  I went to see my doctor last week and we agreed I should up the dose.  I just hate everyone and everything at the moment and can't seem to get motivated to do anything.  My house is an absolute tip and I have been shouting at dd much more than I should, which just makes me feel worse.  How do I get myself out of this?  Help needed.

Gab - see, THIS is a selfish post, yours was quite tame in comparison.  Sorry you are having a rough time too.  I am afraid I am not much use to anyone at the moment as far as cheery words goes.

Pand - glad you are making progress.  Your chances with IVF should be quite good, shouldn't they?

Sam - sorry you are feeling depressed, I know how you feel.  Go see your doc, he might be able to help.

Cinders - I think you are amazing.  You are always so encouraging to everyone and always pm people when they are having a tough time, it is so nice that you think of other people.  I really hope your IVF works this time, you SO deserve it.  I really admire you.

Teena - it is always lovely to hear from you, it gives us all hope.  Let us see some scan pics if you get some and good luck x

Missyb - sorry about the smear.  God, as if we haven't got enough to deal with, without added complications.  I hope they sort you out swiftly.  At least your womb is warm!

Hi to Susie, Keira, honeyprincess, sarylou, jenny (if you're out there) and anyone else I've forgotten.

Sorry for the glum post
Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Evening Ladies,

Well how are all you gals then? Back to work today 

Missyb - I really know where you are coming from with the everyone is pg at this moment in time even on Eastenders!!!!!!, its the "is there something in the water attitude that really PEEVES me  . At work today the pg girls, well if they weren't doing their blood pressure they were getting all of us to feel their bumps for their little bubbas kicking etc,. I was smiling sweetly saying "oohh thats wonderful "(REALLY BIG GREEN EYED MONSTER, we are talking the HULK size here, meanwhile inside aching like someone has just really punched me in the stomach/sick feeling. Everywhere you look everyone just seems to be pg, my dh reckons that I'm just being oversensitive to it because of the way i am feeling. On another note I'm sorry you have had to go through having a colposcopy, like lainey said as if you are not going through an obstacle course already, yet another hurdle to jump, well you've jumped it kiddo, just concentrate on getting better now xxx

Lainey - I really feel for you, reading your post, everyone on here really knows what its like falling into that black hole that you are desperately trying to climb out of.. Not that long ago i was feeling even downer than i am now (If that was possible), What worked for me was acu, i know it doesn't work for everyone, but i find I'm not as tearful now (I would cry at almost anything, even the weather if you know what i mean), my hubby has noticed that I'm not as grumpy and my cycle has got more regular, i feel my pmt is not as bad too. You could always give it a go what have you got to lose. If anyone has had acu they may tell you that after your session you really feel that you can carry on with life and that things are going to be ok..I'm still having weekly sessions right now..anyway I'm sending you lots of       We all love ya and are thinking about you ok..!      

Pand - Well aunty Pand I'm stocking up on the candy floss, hope it wont be too much of a big dipper for us i can just about handle the tea cups, thanks for your support hun take care..thinking of you.xxx some       coming your way..

Suzy - Hope you are ok honey, once again i would like to say thanks for all yr help and support over that past few weeks, yr pm really helped at a time when i really needed help as well as words of wisdom. Hope everything is ok and things are still moving ahead for you..lots of      

Cinders - Keeping everything crossed for you hun this treatment cycle, you have a very good attitude to things and there is nothing more stronger than the human spirit. I sort of remember you are starting to down reg now..does that mean its pin cushion time..ouch!!! Take care..      coming your way.

Honeyprincess - Hope you are ok honey and not feeling as down about things now, give Emily loads of cuddles when I'm feeling really down, i always hug my ds (Which is most of the time and tell him how special he is and how much i love him i always feel better after that..sending you lots of   and positive energy..   

Teena - You are often in my thoughts, just recently Ive been thinking well is it going to work or not. It hasn't all this time. Then i think of you and your twins, its like suzy said you do realise how lucky you are Teena, but it wasn't all plain sailing for you honey..We are so made up for you..as you know what the journey feels like..Thank you for all your support..Take extra special care ok..sending you hugs.. 

Emilycaitlin - Hope you are ok honey and not working too hard, sending you lots of          to make up for all the positives you send to everyone else..Hope things are moving on for you and you are feeling ok after yr operation thinking of you..(Remember dont go back to work too soon take it easy and enjoy the cups of tea, feet up etc..sending you  

Hello to everyone else, sorry if Ive missed anyone (oops)..Good luck to everyone on their treatment cycles, lots of Get well wishes for those of us recovering after an operation  and to those of us ttc naturally...  . I'm sure there is a pot of gold for everyone..  xxxxGabxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

morning ladies! how are we today? before i do the me bit (moaning moaning moaning lol!) i just wanted to say a few bits. teena im so sorry i 4got to mention you in my last post hun. hope your scan goes well. getting posts from you reminds me that it is possible for all of us! love hearing from you so keep us posted on the bubbas!

lainey-lou.. darlin i wish i could say something that would make you feel better. the way you are feeling sounds awful. you aren't 'weak' you have gone to the dr and sought help and you're not too proud to say ok i need help. to me thats not a sign of weakness at all!! your post wasnt selfish at all, you still had encouragement and kind words for us. sometimes you need to get things down in writing. it gets it out of your head. you know we are all here and if ever you need to 'talk' pm me hun. 

gabrielle.. hi hun thanks 4 the note in your post... the green eyed hulk like monster at times makes me feel like a woman possessed at times. i feel like my emotions are so mixed. they range from genuine happiness for the person to outright molten lava crazy when people make stupid comments about how EASY it is for them to get pregnant!!! i'm glad im not alone in the green eyed department as i was beginning to feel like maybe im not a v nice person and that IF is my punishment for all of the bad things i've said and done in the past!! im not sure if we are over-sensitive to pg women, i think it's diet syndrome. when im on a diet all of the ads on tv are about food and im obsessed by it. does that make sense? anyway hun hope you are well, you sent little notes in your post to everyone but didnt say how you are doing (apart from the pg girls at work driving you mad!! i think i'd find that v hard to cope with)

well, the me bit is a bit short. to add insult to injury the wicked with arrived yesterday while i was at work!!! arrrrrr so the cravings for scampi fries were just a nutritional thing lol!! i have decided to just get myself sorted and healthy and not to worry so much about getting pg. i think that if my cervix is all inflammed my body is going to get the whole immune response thing going which would probably attack everything (including sperm) and so if i get that sorted then it might be a better place to start my investigations... does that sound about right?? i have found that with the womb toasty pills my period isnt as painful so thats a bonus and my skin isnt quite so teenage! having said that im still a bit teary and reading laineys post made me cry! right i'm in waffle mode again (sorry)

hi to pand,suzy, cinders(where is your note honey lol xx) laura, emily-caitlin and anyone else i've missed but not forgotten. xxx

amanda xx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi,

Sorry everyone's feeling a bit down at the moment.  At least we all know that we feel like this a lot, but feel better some of the time, so it won't last forever.

I'm off for two weeks now Yippeeee!!!  I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with dd before she starts school, so it's a bit hectic, going all over the place!

missyb - what are the pills called that you are on?  Sorry AF came 

Gabrielle - I know what you mean, we went to Ikea the other week, and everyone there was pregnant!!!  (ok, I might have exaggerated a bit there, but lots of people were!!)

TC2 - Good to see you are doing well xx

Pand - Good luck for the 28th!!  Will be thinking of you

Sarylou - How are you getting on with the diet?

hi to everyone I haven't mentioned, hope you are ok xxx


----------



## missyb

hi emily caitlin.. the womb warming pills are called nuan gong yun zi wan i got them online from a site called spring herbs. i checked out other sites and they are definatley the ones for womb warming! i put a post on the complimentary therapy thread to see if anyone had any feed back but noone replied! apparently it takes 3 mths to take effect but you should notice after 1 mth (better periods.. if that makes sense!) it's meant to be good too if you have amenhorrea (i think thats how it's spelt... no periods) apparently your reproductive bits are linked to your kidneys in tcm. these pills are meant to improve circulation etc (no im not on commission lol!) anyway, hope that infor helps hun.


amanda xx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Thanks, they sound familiar, I went to a chinese herbalist in the early days, and I think they might be what they gave me, but I didn't take them for three months, so might give it another whirl!


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone,
Have been busy this week with decorating! So haven't had much time to post. Thankyou guys for all your kind thoughts, you guys rock!
I'm afraid this will have to be a quicky too, as have just sat down to watch the final of the apprentice!!!!
Love to you all and    . Will try and do personals tomorrow.
I am fine, down regging already.
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

HI girls
have missed you all !
as ever not sure where the time has gone but between sorting out the paint, carpets and new bed and getting them all to be done around the same time remembering only got dh to agree to the big spend about 10 days ago, also the whole school run thing, BB and general stuff just seem to have no time as ever.

Thinking of each and every one of you and will do personals again soon.

love each and every one of you but also wanted to say that the big green eyed monster is me too and thats in my star sign too!
also it seems to stretch into other areas of my life and because my whole life has changed and I used to be so busy all the people I was busy with are off doing stuff with their seconds and I feel like I have been left on the bench so I made some new friends in similar positions ie with more free time and then something has gone wrong with those friendships and I wonder if its me. Lainley you saying you think its you and that you are a horrible person I am begining to think thats me that I must do something that pushes people away.  I feel quite insecure at the moment and think that perhaps the reiki and meditation might be working and that I am cleansing myself in some way but I don't feel happy and feel said and tearful and I cannot put a finger on it.
I have blamed not having another one and feel better reading on here how you all feel but then wonder if I am putting too much on having another.  Lainey you are not a weak person you just know when to ask for help and you are brave enough to put it on here and I feel like that tonight, people have said I am positive and upbeat and keep myself busy but I don;t feel like it tonight.  I had a mini pamper day a late birthday gift from a friend (who I still seemed to have issues with) but the massage lady said I was really knotted and she also said her 26year old daughter was struggling to have number 2 and we had a long and frank discussion re IF - I said I get a lot of support of the web but am still reluctant to give to all and sundry in case they trace it back to me which is a bit sad really but it was an intresting convo as lots of people I know (even the past really close ones) keep asking so I have a my little spiel well I have decided not to tell anyone this time as last time everyone knew and I did not feel I got the support I needed - yes people were talking about me but no one to my face which is what i needed or a little cuddle and a there there would have been nice.anyway waffling but wanted to say thinking of you all and also sent you all reiki healing last night and hope it works soon.
for those of you who thought I was sorted I am far from it and wish I knew the answer.
i love you all and wanted to thank you all for your support and think as we all know we are here for each other and whether we are having a good day or a bad day its nice to know others care and are there.

there are a few that have not posted again and hope that sam blue ok?  Kelway not posted for ever either.

just because have not mentioned you all by by name does not mean not thinking of you
sorry for my ramblings
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Evening all.
Good to hear from you Suszy. I'm sorry you are feeling low and insecure.  I think this IF can have a profound effect on us, I don't feel depressed as such. But my insecurities manifest themselves in a different way. 
We need to give ourselves some tender loving care, whether that be pampering, some time out, a complementary therapy, whatever. So well done with the reiki! 
Lainey, I don't know you in the real world, but you seem far from weak. I agree that you are brave to speak to the gp, you have recognised the problem, adressed the problem (gp), shared the problem, (and so it is halved!) and soon you will have solved the problem!  Does that sound like a weak person to you? No. Me neither!
Well you guys, that's all I've got time for, as have got to pack for a rainy weekend away in a caravan! 
So if no internet access may be awol til monday, thinking of you.
Will definately  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

thanks cinders for your kind words - see how strange it is on here now you are cheering us up instead of the other way around thats what I like about this site enjoy your hol and hope the rain keeps away.
the paintings been done, the bedroom carpet is down and the new huge bed in and I bought some wonderful  bedding yesterday for half price so the room is looking fab, I have just been putting stuff back and trying to sort and found some old notebooks from when I saw a counsellor once before and reading the stuff I had lots of issues back then as well!!  I wonder if I blame too much on not having a second one and yet I was so truely happy doing all the baby stuff - but agree with you cinders how IF brings the insecurity out even more - anyway feeling better and hope you all do too esp you Lainey. we are all here for you and each other.
got a busy weekend with getting the hall ready for the 80s do, going to it and then going up north for dhs brothers 40th so probably won't be back on here til MOnday night.
have a lovely weekend all of you and sending you lots of love and luck and   
love
susie


----------



## missyb

hi ladies! how are you all? i have had an interesting week but more of that in a mo. 

hi suzy... read your posts and could've cried. i guess i always think of you as so together and focused, you're always here for all of us that i sometimes forget (stupidly) that you have your own journey and insecurites etc going on. like cinders you always have a kind word for us all and manage to make us feel special. hope you have a fab weekend and that the 80's do rocked!

well i have had a [email protected] week! i had my colposcopy last fri and then to add insult to injury i got my af! anyway, i was told that i'd get my results in 3 weeks so you can imagine how suprised i was to get a letter from the consultant on the thur.(just after we got in from the hosp for dp's SA) the bottom line was that pending the results of the biopsy he wouldnt be suprised if i had CGIN or worse (i think CGIN is precancerous cells so i dread to think what the or worse means) i called my gp yesterday expecting him to kind of put my mind at rest, for him to say that he was worried and he gave me his mobile number as he felt i'd get my results next week and i'd need to talk.. i contacted cytology and they said that they have my results but that i'd need to speak to the consultants secretary... who had gone home!!! arrrrr so now i have to wait till monday to find out what is going on.... im scared. i have tried to stay positive but it's hard. i keep thinking of the worst case scenario which is that im going to die and who will look after my girls.. my ex h is a compulsive gambler and cant even look after himself let alone them... he doesnt even pay maintenence so he's not that worried about their welfare...anyway, im getting carried away again. the thing that made me cry was the thought that i may not be able to have our baby. im glad in a sense that tomorrow im working to keep myself busy. anyway, as im working we are having fathers day a day early so we are off to pitch and put! 

i dont know how regularly i'll be on here.. i want to stay in touch i just feel a bit of a fraud though as i cant think of babies untill i know what is going on...

i just wanted to say that love u all loads. thanks for being here for me in the last few mths and that i so hope that we all get the bfp's because we all deserve them.


lots of love 

amanda xxxxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

missyb, how awful that they have said so much to you, and then making you wait all weekend.  Surely though if it was something really urgent, they would have contacted you and got you into hospital?  I'll be thinking of you on Monday, you only have one more day to wait now, please let us know how you get on.  We are all here for you,  

Take care, thinking of you,

emilycaitlin xx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Amanda - what a complete nightmare... you poor thing you must be out of your mind with worry.  If it is any help, my sister in law was CIN3 last year, had some treatment and fell pregnant 3 months afterwards and has been fine ever since.  It is very treatable and should only put back baby making for a short while... I totally understand what you are saying about worrying about not seeing your little one grow up.  Last year when they weren't sure what the cyst on my ovary was, they did a blood test CA125 which can indicate either cancer or endo... when it came back raised and they packed me off to A & E as an emergency admission I was terrified and felt exactly like you do.  I think that's perfectly normal to feel like that.  It's a shame your GP wasn't able to reassure you a bit more.  Have a hunt on the internet, and look up the prognosis... from what I read it seems your cells are pre-cancerous, which is good news as they can be removed successfully.  Keep up posted.

To everyone else who is feeling depressed (especially Cinders, Susie and Lainey)  I think, given what we are all going through, that we are all amazingly strong women.  This is no picnic and tears at the very fabric of being a woman.  Being denied the one thing our bodies crave for is like a slow and painful torture... I defy anyone in this position to feel any different.  The fact that we keep picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and go back for the next round is testimony to our strength, courage and determination and speaks volumes about how much we love the little ones we already have.  I am proud of myself for getting through this and strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.  We can't see it yet, we may never find out, but there is a reason, and its not because we are being punished (although it does feel like that sometimes).  As for Lainey feeling like she is a weak person for suffering depression, I suffered PND after my first... I am not a weak person and neither are you.  Depression is a chemical imbalance and can be either genetic or caused by stress... it is not because you are a weak person, usually its usually strong people who are very in control of their lives who get got by it, because there are some things in life we cannot control.  You cannot blame yourself for feeling depressed, its not your fault.

We are all amazing, courageous women who are fighting a silent battle seldom understood by those who have not experienced it.  I'm with you Susie, people don't talk to you about it, but they do talk about you.  At first I took this very personally, and was really hurt thinking that people just didn't care, but I think I'm starting to understand that people just don't know what to say or are terrified of upsetting you.  Also for some people this is an intensely private and personal experience and I'm not sure people are comfortable with broaching the subject.  So it's not you sweetie.  Friends don't always live up to our expectations.  Keep one or two close and as for the rest, they come and go.  You always have us to talk to.  We understand.

That's my sermon for the week.  

Keep up the fight girlies and give your little ones a special hug tonight.  They are truly so precious.

Will catch up again next week.  Sorry I haven't done many personals.  Love to all of you I haven't mentioned!

Amanda


----------



## *Lollipop*

Missyb, Have just read yr post, hope everything went ok today honey, you are in my thoughts, also wanted to say like Pand I have also been in the same position waiting for scans due to having really bad pains wondering what it is, having ? cysts diag in the past, waiting for surgery etc, your mind does work overtime and it is perfectly natural to feel like this, try not to worry sweatheart ok..take extra special care sending you loads a   , 

Pand, just wanted to say Amen and Amen again girl , i couldnt have written that better myself. I feel like printing it off, enlarging and posting on my works notice board.....saying Have it !!!!!!!  but second thoughts better not..it does help to read it though and know that you are not alone going through this.. thankyou..xxx my ds is now truly covered       

Lots of love to everyone else sorry its a quickie..(now, now Ladies!!!) quick post i mean..       Thinking of you all, Gab...xxxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Missed ya!
Missyb, hun        Hoping and praying it is not as bad as you have no doubt been imagining. Hope you will be able to come and fill us in when you are ready. Don't you go thinking you can leave this thread either! You are stuck with us and us with you!    
Loved your post Pand, it was so articulate. Not a lot I can add to that really!
Hi Suszy, you are so busy!! Loved the 80's! Though my perm didn't really love me!!!  The bedroom sounds nice, what colour have you gone for?
I am into 2nd week of down regging, and have been feeling quite stroppy,  tearful,  angry,  and emotional    This has been something of a shock as didn't suffer at all last time!! I am sniffing this time, whereas last time I injected, so that maybe the difference. So next week starts with all the scans, so will have some early mornings to look forward to!
The caravan was great fun, but the beds were itsy bitsy, made for teeny weeny people, and were rock hard. So have come back after supposed "rest" feeling exhausted! Need to go to bed now!!!
  glad to be home, (they had mini-break in hotel d,cattery, cost nearly as much as caravan!!! Well, £44, not quite! But even so!) I am glad to have them home.
Have just ordered grocery shopping on line, and now need to get through washing and ironing. My oh so exciting life...
How you feeling Lainey?
I'm hoping my boring, uninspiring post does not upset/offend, I am truly aware there are some real life issues going on here, and I am thinking of you in your time of trouble.    
Love to you all, with or without a mention!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Talking to myself here!!?
Actually, just checking in to see how you doing Missyb,        
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Yes,  MissyB, we hope you are ok.  We are all thinking about you xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Love and hugs Missyb. 
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

evening all!! i just wanted to thank you all for all of your posts and thoughts and wishes. i could've cried (i seem to be doing that alot latley) well... i rang the consultants secretary on monday and guess what the bloody man is away untill monday!!! arrrrrrggggh im so frustrated and i just want to know what is going on. thank you pand and gabrielle for sharing your personal experiences, it has made me feel a bit better and not quite so doom and gloom about it all. i also wanted to say pand that your post was fab. we are strong women even though there are times when we feel like we are falling apart we pick ourselves and get ready to start again..

hi cinders thanks for the pm and the msgs!! im happy to be stuck with you all!! i think i just wanted to stick my head in the sand but i think the fact of the matter is we are here for each other in the good times and bad!! i so hope that you are feeling better and im soz your break away wasnt as relaxing as you'd hope.

two more of the girls at work are pg.. wot the hell is going on im pleased for them (even though one of them wasnt even trying and this is all a bit of an inconvenience as she is going to college in september!!) when one of you guys puts a post on here and says you've got your bfp i will be over the moon as i know what you've all been thru... but this just sucks!!

anyway, i'm waffling apu. hi to all and thanks again.. love you all.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hey you,
Good to hear from you missyb, it's pants that they have left you dangling like this! Roll on monday!
Perhaps take up yoga or something for the next few days to chill? Or g&t? Ice and slice?!
What's with this weather? Rain rain go away.....and don't come back for ages!!!!!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

That's awful that you have to wait even longer!  I hope the weekend goes quickly for you, and you can speak to him on Monday.  Thinking of you xxx


----------



## SUSZY

dear girls
sorry i have been awol and thanks for all of your support as ever - i love you all - not sure if I told you that the 80s do went really well despite being very tiring and we raised 2.5 k also all the paiting and carpets have been done and the superking bed with new bedding etc so its all looking good and I am really in the mood to sort and tidy.  not doing so well with the weight and wine but still.
my appointment getting closer and closer so really have to get myself sorted

missby thanks for your kind words and sorry for the worry that you have had with waiting for test results from everything and hope the other girls accounts have helped you - that is what is amazing about this site we seem to support each other through everything, anyway fingers crossed for monday I just cannot believe they can keep you hanging when its so important - anyway thinking of you and wishing you luck.  sorry re pg at work girls seems to be such a problem and poor Gabrielle has so many to contend with.  sorry I did not post sooner with the news just hardly been on here recently but will be back now (blame the work on my house and BB!!)but its dhs birthday and I am on here now!

Pand - you are so good at writing supporting messages and you are so right about us being strong and thanks for reminding us of that, been feeling a bit lonely and isolated but its probably because I have not been on here so much, you are so good with your supporting us despite what you have been through,  hope work is ok and that you have settled back into it and that they are not working you too hard

emily caitlin hope you ok

hi to you sarylou and good luck with everthing

Cinders - know what you mean about the weather its been so story and humid then sunshine and then rain and its midsummers night - its my dhs birthdy and there is still a slight bit of light inthe sky as there are only a few clouds we should be out in the garden dancing but it been rain sun rain sun!  sure you looked great in a perm back then!!! yes have been busy but hope to be a bit quieter now and get back to the gym and on here.  how is the down regging doing and how are you feeling??  that might be me in a couple of months!!??  glad you had a good hol in the caravan and have heard putting pets in their holiday places costs a lot/ good luck with the rest of tx and will keep everthing crossed for you

gab - nice to hear from you sweetheart  hope you doing ok and thanks for posting its so nice to hear from you how are you feeling at the moment - sending you lots of luck

love to lainey how are you feeling and honeyprincess and samblue how are you doing and to you sarylou

teena how are you doing sweetheart

also to all the other girls who have not posted for a while sending you all lots of love
kelway hope you ok
will be back soon lots of love and luck to you all and thinking of you all as ever  
have missed you all need to get back on here as its so nice to hear from you all

love

susie


going to sign off now as am on lap top but take lots of care and i will be back again soon


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone!

Well I'm back for my weekly post, but it's going to be a bit shorter this week as my little one is itching to get onto the computer to play Pingu!

MissyB - All I can say about flipping consultants is AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I could strangle yours.  I can't believe they are leaving you dangling like this.  Just try to think postivie hun (easier said than done I know) and let us know as soon as you do.  We we all be on tenterhooks until you post.  I have a feeling it will be ok for you but I will keep everything crossed.

To everyone else, I'm glad last week's post helped!  Sometimes I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince, me or you guys!  No really, I'm in a good place at the moment, I'm feeling strong and whilst I do I hope I can help get you all through your bad times.  I'm sure I will hit lows again, in which case refer me back to my own advice!

This has been a manic week (had to teach big Year 6s eek!, DS went to school for a settling in session, student at work left, class assembly etc etc!), so I'm hoping things will return to normal next week.  Going to see my cons for first consultation re IVF on Thursday so that should get the ball rolling.  Just hoping and praying that I get pregnant naturally in the meantime (I know it's not likely!) so we don't have to worry about the money!  

Anyway, Pingu is calling!  Have a good week.  I will try to check on Monday to see how you got on MissyB.

Love to you all!

Keep up the fight!

Amanda


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls, just a quickie to wish you all a good weekend and fingers crossed for you Missby.

Welcome back Jenny - nice to see you again as it were - we missed you too - are you here to stay??
your job sounds fab and glad you are enjoying it.

Nice to hear from you Pand and a weekly post sounds good especially when you are so good at it.  Hope you little one enjoyed Pingu!

Anyway heard from Maz as shes has gone a bit quiet.

Love to the rest of you as usual and enjoy the weekend - how can we be in the middle of the summer.

Take care


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone

Just a quickie to fill you in on my hossie appointment yesterday......

The consultant said I should not be considering DE at the moment as I have a lot of positives- I am still young (apparently!!), I have been pregnant several times and tests have been good(ish).  She is going to do a detailed scan to look at my egg reserves, DH has to have another SA and then she will talk to us again about IUI or IVF, depending on what the results are.  This can all happen in the next couple of weeks so then it is all systems go for treatment.  At last, some progress!!

Hi Jenny, glad to hear from you.  We all often wonder about how you are.

Cinders - thanks for pm, it really helped.  Hope you are bearing up ok.

Suszy - sorry you were feeling down last week, I hope you are feeling better now??

Pand - good luck iwith the appointment, I hope it goes well.

Missyb - so sorry they are keeping you waiting, I have everything crossed for you.  I hope the results are good.

Hi to everyone else.

Speak soon

Lainey x


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## SUSZY

Dear girls
hope you ok and had a good weekend.
  
Nice to hear from you Lainey Lou and what a great result from you hossie appointment and it all sounds very postive and good and when actions are planned it makes one feel so good.  Really pleased they pointed out the positives and you sound so much better in your post.  Good luck.

I am feeling better thanks and think staying in and sorting the house has helped, I seem to be shifting and chucking things out both mentally and physically and the house is looking so much better for it.
I keep  hitting a time warp though as just don;t know where the time goes but it so nice to see spaces in the house and it looking lovely and clean and tidy.
anyway must go and take a little girl home who has come to play (see what i mean about time warps?)

Missby - any news??

Its gone a bit quiet on here girls so hope you are all doing ok.

HI to all you girls Jenny, Cinders, Pand, honeyprincess, sarylou, emily caitlin, Maz, Gab,teena, kelway
  to anyone I have missed.

love and luck to you all

Susie


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## cinders35

Hi guys,
Hey Jen, good to "see ya", how are things? 
Lainey, what great news, thought you weren't too passed it, we are at our peak kiddo!!!?!! 
Missyb, holding my breath...... 
Suszy, you and I in similar "place". I am also painting every wall I can, chucking out, moving round, replacing. We have only been in our house 7yrs, but it's amazing how much wear and tear there is with 2 adults, one 4yr old and 2 cats! Cats are mainly to blame!!! But wouldn't be without!  
I had d/r scan today, good news I am down regulated!
But....there's always a but....
They did a mock embryo transfer because embryo transfer on my last cycle was difficult, they couldn't pass the catheter today. So the Dr was going to discuss it with the consultant that did the embryo transfer on my last cycle, but she thinks I need a cervical dilatation, ouchhhh!!!! This will need to be done under G.A! Nothing ever simple!Oh well, could be worse, hopefully will know tommorrow.
Love to all,
Cindersxxx
p.s. Think Maz has had a difficult 2ww, with naughty early pee stick testing!!  But I'm sure she will let us know her result soon!


----------



## Davis

Hi girls hope I can join you!

My history briefly (I can go on and go as you will see) - ttc 8+ years now. I have PCOS and DH has borderline count. 12 rounds of clomid, 1 IUI all neg. First IVF - BFP. No frosties. Incompetent cervix so total bedrest and daily progesterone. Boy Ryan born 2/9/04. Natural BNP whilst breastfeeding so didnt know about it until m/c! Severe post natal depression following m/c. Pulled myself together eventually with anti dep and miscarriage therapy. BFP on metformin then m/c again. Paying for IF treatment privately but have been refused IVF at current clinic due to my last 2 BFP's. They wont treat me for 2 years from the date of my last pregnancy - yes even though we are paying privately. Have started tracked clomid after untracked clomid since Dec. 2 failed cycles so far. Not sure whether to continue with current clinic or change to a clinic who will treat us with IVF as feel that time is running away from me.

So thats me  
Hope I can join you all as sometimes I feel guilty on the other threads when I want to have a good old moan because I appreciate that I have what the other girls so desperately want! If you get what I mean?

Ba
x


----------



## bek

hello.

ba - thinking about time running out is a horrible feeling. i've resorted to more treatment and it feels good to be doing something about it. 

xxx bek


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## emilycaitlin

Ba - Welcome to the thread hun, just ask if there's anything you want help with


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## sarylou

Hello ladies i hope you are all well. 
Cinders I am sorry to see they will need to use G/A I hope all goes well. xxxx    

Suszy you did really well hun and im glad you seem happier. Well done on all the changes in your home-wanna come do mine    

Jenny welcome back hun hope you are ok. xxx

Honeyprincess hope you and Emily are ok. Nearly summer hols-no school run woohooo. 

Missy i am so sorry to hear everything you have been through recently.   

Welcome Ba and Bek

Everyone else hello and hope your all doing well on your journeys.    

I havent been here for a few weeks so quick update on us Ive just had my cd21 blood results back from hosp- bloods were 102! The highest ive had before (prior to clomid) was 32.and she said 35 is normal range. 
She said its really good to have a high level as shows its working and 50mg is doing its thing. She said they would want another cd21 this cycle but i told her i havent been told that or given anything so she said never mind then *hmmm*
She also said they will more than likely give us another 3 cycles at 50mg when we go back in august. :O)

Im feeling 50/50 im so glad to of got a great level but sad as i obviously didnt get pg. I think the clomid is making me feel very emotional this cycle. :O( I just keep feeling very low and then very high.    

Hope your all well. xx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone!

Sarylou - I know exactly how you feel flower.  Clomid is not a nice drug and it sent me all over the shop!  Sounds like your levels are great tho!  Sit tight hun.  I know lots of people who were on clomid for some time and eventually it worked!  I will keep everything crossed for you.

Ba - Welcome to the thread.  You are exactly in the right place to moan and groan.  We all know what you mean about not wanting to moan in front of girls who haven't even got one.  We all love our little ones to bits and appreciate them all the more for this experience.  I wouldn't want to be in their shoes trying for their first, but secondary infertility is extremely painful as you no doubt know and will see from all of our posts.  It's because we love our little ones so much we are so desperate for another.  So moan and groan away!

Cinders - sorry to hear about your cervix flower!  I've just been told that I have to have a GA for my egg retrieval as well and I'm none too pleased about that bit!  Still at least you won't know anything about it until afterwards (not much consolation I know!).

Suzy, MissyB, Maz and everyone else I haven't mentioned.... HELLO!

So a quick update before I go and raid the breakfast cereals!  (I'm starving).

Went for first IVF consultation on Thursday.  Gosh my consultant is such a nice man.  He's made it quite clear he thinks we've got a cat in hells chance of conceiving naturally whilst still saying it is possible!  Me and DS have got to have blood tests done and DH has got to give another sample (bless him!).  Then we will have our induction chat on 27th July (which seems like ages away!).  I'm really frustrated because looking at my cycles, it looks like I won't be able to start IVF until flipping September!  More waiting!!!!! I'm just not a patient person!  So that's all for now.  Time to eat.

Love to everyone and speak to you all next week!

Amanda


----------



## Davis

Bek - time   When I first went to the IF cons I was 29 and they said dont worry your young. By the time DS was born I was 34. Now they tell me Im not young and dont I know it. Cant wait much longer but have decided to give clomid 1 or 2 more cycles.

Sarylou - clomid sends me   I am all over the place. Cry at the drop of a hat. Glad to hear your responding sending   your way

Pand - waiting is horrid isnt it. But we started our IVF in a Sept and got a BFP on new years eve so maybe its a lucky date. Sending good omens your way  

Emilycaitlin - thanks for the welcome, Ive got lots of questions, so your advice would be appreciated! Here goes:
I have been charting my BBT. For the last 9 days or so it has been 36.1. Yesterday it droped to 36.0 today it is 36.6. I am on my 2ww and as of today am officially late. Bloods (52) and scan showed ov. Cons suggested ov between a Tuesday and Fri. Temps do not suggest a/f arriving today. Have used 8 pee sticks (I know, I know) all BFN. Luteral phase is usually always 14 days. Anyone have any ideas what is going on?? Can your luteral phase extend beyond 16 days? Or do you think ov dates was outside the window cons suggested?
Thanks
Ba
x


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## Davis

Well   has arrived so start next cycle tomorrow. Guess that answers my question then. 
Hope everyone is doing OK.   to all
Ba
x


----------



## TC2

Hi Everyone,  Just catching up with you all as ive been AWOL. DH is still unwell and in hospital on mainland (6 weeks now) so ive been tooing and frowing.  Bit of a bad time for us and ultra stressfull but hey ho we dont choose what we get!

Just a few personals....

Cinders; hows it going hun? You must be having your scans etc now... hope you are ok, god all that is starting to feel like an old horror movie now!   that everything is progressing well for you.  

missyb; hows things.... you havent posted and i am a bit worried bout you! hope its just cos youve been busy.

Pand; it is so frustrtaing waiting but it will pass quicker than you think, our cons said move to ICSI last oct and we started our cycle end of Jan, it seemed like it was so far away but came around quicker.  


Anyway me and bubbas are doing fine....they are so active and its really strange cos i had forgotten how it feels, exciting but distrcating and a bit irritating...like now when they are really going for it and i am trying to concentrate!  Seriously i am ecstatic that things are still going along nicely despite all the stress nd upheval...BP still only 110/70!!!!! must be doing something right!

Have a great weekend everyone, thinking of you all even though not posting...keep positive....i cant remain the only one whos on the other side for much longer.....

Love and hugs everyone....

Teena x


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## cinders35

Hey you guys,
Just a quicky as am on blow up mattress on lounge floor with dp snoring next to me!!  What joy!
Have the family staying,so not much spare time. But just thought would let you know so far am doing ok. Start the intensive bit of treatment monday, with scans & bloods every other day. Got the bill today too! It aint cheap!!
Sorry no time for personals!
But still hoping and praying you ok missyb?
Love to all
Cindersxxxx


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## SUSZY

dear girls 
hope you are all ok
it seems to have gone a bit quiet on here.
lots of love and cuddles to you all.   

Cinders - hope you managed to get some sleep - hate sleeping on those blow ups esp when someone is nice and cosy in your bed! Hope you are having a good weekend and good luck for Monday and the intensive tx - let us know how you get on.  Sorry to hear about the troubles with your cervix - there always seems to be something. (seems strange writing to each other about cervixes when we have never even met!!!)  Don't like GA as you feel so woozy after them and when I woke up after the c section my little baby was not even there and they brought a photo as he was in the neonatal ward.

Tina- Sorry did not realise that DH been so unwell and away from you - do hope he gets better soon and that you are not overdoing it too much as it does sound very stressful indeed.

Missby - do hope that you are ok and please come back soon and let us know how you are??
Mazz - how are you and where are you , hope yo doing ok
Pand - how are you doing honey, I know its hard all this waiting around, we have our appointment 10 july and I am not sure what happens after that and whether it depends on here cycle.

Davis - Hello and welcome and good luck although sorry AF arrived

Bek - Hi to Bek - hope you are doing ok.

Sarylou- love and kisses to you, clomid is a horrible drug and I hated what it did to me and think I am still recovering!

Emily caitlin - How are you doing?

Ba - Hi and welcome to you too.

Laura/honeyprincess - hope you doing ok.

Lainey Lou -hope you ok

Jenny - Hi to you too

gabrielle - hope you doing ok - thinking of you!
kelwy - hi to you too.
hope  not missed anyone out, sure I have
hope you all doing ok, its hard to keep up these days and I am all for a bit of escapism with BB8 as well.

thinking of you all and wishing you all the luck in the world


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## hissie

Hi everyone, I'm fairly new here. Just wanted to let you know I'm going to see a consultant in 9 days time regarding either IVF or a tubal reversal. My fingers and toes are crossed


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## missyb

hi girls!!! thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. i'm ok. sorry for the delay in posting, i have been v busy and just generally pi%%d off!! the good news is that my biopsy results are all ok showing no signs of cancerous cells.. phew! i was v relieved. i have to have cryo-cauterisation (on 31st aug)or something like that as my cervix is v inflammed. the gp said that i should get all of this sorted before i ttc as he feels that with the increased blood flow of pregnancy there would be a good chance that i'd bleed and or mc. i have vv mixed feelings. glad that all ok but at the same time more delays! the gp apologised for the way the cons handled everything. anyway, work is ok and i finally went to see my friends baby after putting it off for 3 weeks!! 

ok back to you guys


hi hissie! good luck with the consultant
hi davis sorry wicked witch arrived... dam her!
hi tc2 glad you and the bubbas are doing well... hopefully you wont be on your own for long i think we are going to have a run of bfp's on here i can feel it in my waters (ok it might be an infection or my dodgy cervix)

hi pand.. i know its hard being patient but you've waited soooo long. it will go quickly hun! thanks for all of your re-assurance, it has been most appreciated.

cinders!! aw hun luv ya big much.. thanks for the re-assurances too...good luck with your treatment and i hope you're getting enough sleep on the blow up bed hun!

hi suzy!!! hope your ok hun. thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

hi lainey lou glad all went well and that there are still loads of positives fingers and toes crossed for you xx

sarylou hope you are feeling ok and not so up and down hun xx


hi emilycaitlin, laura, jenny (did you get checked out hun?) and anyone else that ive missed but not forgotten ...


love you all... thanks for getting me through my mini drama..


amanda xxx


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## hissie

Thanks missyb, all support is appreciated


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## Davis

Hi girls - it is a quite thread isn't it. Well I can yak so will just yak away  

We were in the shopping centre the other day and a baby was crying. My DS ran up to the baby for a look and then turned to me and said 'mummy I want a baby, can we have a baby?' Everyone around us laughed, and the mother of the baby said that if DS asked mummy very nicely then maybe she would get a baby for him. I had just gotten my a/f that day so it couldn't have been worse. Tried not to cry for DS sake but the tears were flowing all the way home.  

They are so perceptive aren't they. He see's that all his friends have brothers and sisters and just doesn't understand why he is different. But it was the timing that made it more than a coincidence. I am sure he picks up on my angst. I know I have my miracle and should be happy but I am desperate for another and soon.
Ba
x


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## SUSZY

Dear Girls
how are you all today, feeling a bit flat this weather really not helping, and also feel tired as ever.
no meditation today and that usually makes me feel better should go to the gym but just cannot be bothered
might go and try and do some meditation myself, clean the house, have a cuppa and read a  mag or a nice little lie down, I am so lucky I have all these choices I know but one does not always appreciate ones good fortune in other areas of life when you have to face IF!

Missby - Nice to have you back sorry you still have delays but good news re the results and good on you for being brave and going to see a new baby.

Hissie - welcome and good luck with the appointment, I have my appointment re ED a week today, cannot believe how quickly the time has passed and not really sure whats going to be discussed during it, am nervous, excited, anxious and hope I am strong enough.

Ba/Davis - sorry sweetheart now realise you are the same person!!!!  I am so with you about our little ones picking up on things and how so felt for you being in that situ and am not sure how you kept your calm.  I think we all now  know that are often stories behind people not having kids and we would never dream of saying anything, I am sure she did not mean it maliciously but how unfortunate that she should have said that!    Not sure if I said that my ds said the other day if and when he got to be a big brother he would stop being shy and that really tugged at my heart strings.  I want it more than anything and obviously three years ago would have been good and I really hope it will happen but nothing will erase the pain and heartache.
Its funny with this thread, sometimes its really busy and sometimes not, think there are phases where a couple keep it going but its more a matter of time and its always great that someone posts and that we all understand where we are coming from.
I know sometimes its overfacing because there are so many of us to reply to but sometimes just a blanket one will do.

Just going to send the rest of you my love and cuddles
Pand, Cinders, Gabrielle,honeyprincess, kelway,tc2, Maz,lainey lou, emily caitlin, jenny,bek and to anyone else might have forgotten
not that I am not thinking of you as you know.
just feel so lethargic
take care girls
love
susie


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## hissie

Thanks for the support Suzsy, much appreciated. I hope your appointment brings positive results  . I haven't a clue what will be disscused at my appointment either, going to just see where it takes me.

Oh dear Davis. Hugs go out to you


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## missyb

hi all just a quickie as im dog sitting for my sister. pickle is in to everything! its like having a toddler again!! anyway, i forgot to mention when i was on last that i saw this ad in a sunday paper offering free ivf if you share your eggs.. anyway, its CRM london 0207 616 6767. ask for dr yeong. i'm not sure how reputable they are or if in fact that you may have tried this route already but it thought i'd post in case it's of any use to anyone.

love u all xx

amanda xx

Sorry, just need to add that this post contains unconfirmed information that is not supported by Fertility Friends, em x


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## cinders35

Hey you guy's,
Another quicky I think. Gotta be up at 05.30 to get to scan early, and be first in queue, as then have to dash back down motorway (or crawl, depending on traffic!) as am at work tommorrow. I am finding it very difficult to take it easy while I try and produce some good eggs!! Had some small follies on monday, with potential to grow, so fingers crossed. Dreamt about ET last night, as in embryo transfer, not extra terrestrial! I had a GA in my dream. Trying so hard to keep it to back of mind, but so very difficult when scanning and bloods every other day!! Keep falling asleep listening to my "IVF Companion cd"!
Missyb, thats actually very very good news! Bit of a pain to have to wait around, but GP sounds v sensible!!!
Suszy,not long til appointment now. 
Ba, hi. Your tale regarding ds rings so true. I know that I will cope with whatever is thrown at me. (Probably involve some shouting, screaming crying and probably some snot!!!) But it is the loneliness, and disappointment that my dd may feel if she is never a big sister that pains me the most. Like a knife through the heart!
Visitors have gone so have got my bed back!! Speaking of which better go get in it!!!
Love and hope to all, (including you guys not posting so much,  !) hope you are right about run of bfp's Missyb!!   
Cindersxxx


----------



## Davis

Amanda - I feel for you dog sitting, whenever I do I spend the time worrying that they will run away (it happened once before to me and although I got the dog back it was 7 hours later and I have never recovered). 

Cinders - I hear you with the 'taking it easy'. I am charting BBT, taking a handful of pills each day, having bsm on demand, have given up everything (well it feels like it) and inbetween trying to stay calm and relaxed (ha fat chance). At least this month I am not being tracked so maybe it will be easier but knowing me I will just worry about that. Oh yeah and to make matter worst its my birthday tomorrow. Now this is not something I am embracing its just a ticking biological clock and I want it to stop until I have my next baby after that fine I can grow old. I hope your scan went well and that follies are getting nice and fat. 

Hissy - good luck with consultant appointment. 

Susie - I have been feeling really flat and lethargic as well. It is definately due to the weather, I just feel like I have been stuck inside forever and need to get out and relax in the sunshine. I also feel robbed of summer as I never had a chance to sit outside in the garden and drink wine on a warm summer evening. Not that I can drink wine anymore  

People can be so thoughtless sometimes cant they. We are always being told to have more children by couples with their 2.4 children born 2 years apart. I dont get angry anymore Im afraid that after my 8 years of IF I have reached the self pity emotion. Horrible to say but true. Its not envy or anger that I feel just so very sad that we have to struggle this way and that it is largely all because of me. I can rationalise it all but still cant escape the fact that thats how I feel.

Hello to everyone else I missed, still getting to know you all
Ba
x


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## TC2

Hi  Guys....

More news from the other side.... went for 20 week scan today, all ok with both bubbas...plus found out both are boys!!!  Never pictured me with three boys.... obviously very excited but thinking of all those football kits!!!!

On another note for all you ladies who have been worried by problems with cervix etc.  I had alot of surgery, including an extensive cone biopsy/excision in 2001 as i had cancerous cells.  Had no probs with 1st pregnancy (42 weeks) but have been having serial vaginal scans to check my cervix every 4 weeks as consultant was concerned about twin pregnancy..... anyhow on scan today my cervix length was better than average for a singleton pregnancy and looked fine... so even if you have to have stuff done it can be ok...

Cinders - hope you had lots of juicy follies, what day of stimming are you on?  Keep thinking positively and having great dreams!

Ba -   for tomorrow.  Hope you birthday wish comes true.    Can really relate to you and your angst re DS wishes... our DS spent the last 18 months practically demanding a baby sister/brother and it was breaking my heart more for him than me; I am sorry you and so many of us are having to/had to go through this, wish we could just wave a wand and wake everyone up from this nightmare.  Hang on in there...

Love to all

Teena x


----------



## SUSZY

hi to all you girlies
just wanted to wish Ba Happy birthday for tomorrow - hope you have a good day.

lots of love and kisses to the rest of you and of course lots of luck

been a funny day today, been in all day (again) read inconceivable book by julia indichova which was quite good and makes me feel a bit more empowered to do something more myself but not sure how she managed to do it all having one kid already that was quite young, ie juicing and having healthy breakfast, going to yoga, meditating reading lots of books , going to support groups and looking after a kid but it worked for her.  Makes me think perhaps I should have done more but feel by trying all the alternative remedies that I have and giving up drink for 2 months and having all those chinese pills and herbs that they did not work for me.
anyway it was a good read and I am not having a go just wonder how people focus so much because its what I want more than anything but need some food and drink for support.

Been in  a strange and reflective mood for me in addition as it would have been my brothers 41st birthday today but we lost him in Jan 08 a few six months after his 31st (he was freediving in Oz at Byron Bay and it was an accident and his own fault) but cannot believe nearly 10 years have gone. Usually we do something with my mum have some nice food and champagne and celebrate his life but they been away and just had a quiet night too.  My little boy was so sweet this morning as he said happy birthday to him out of the window (we say he is up in the moon) and we talk about him in a happy way as don't want him to grow up with a real saddness about it but then again I have been so down about this secondary IF that he has become very viligant to my tears.
anyway girls am waffling and will get off here
take care and good luck to you all
love
susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Hello ladies

Just wondered if I could join in for a bit of support: Have just had failed ICSI attempt. Been told they don't know why because a) I have no problems which should  interfere with implantation b) everything went like clockwork. It's been three weeks and still find myself dissolving into tears at the slightest provocation. The thing that seems to hurt the most is not one but two of my close friends have announced their pregnancies. The first one handled it really sensitively. The second took the time to phone me and ask all the gory details of the IVF before telling me that she was 12 weeks pregnant, hadn't been really trying had been doing everything wrong (drinking smoking etc) and she said to me "I'm really sorry it should be you not me!" What the hell did she want me to say "Yes actually I think you've been really irresponsible and I resent every moment of your pregnancy". The thing is I just can't face her and I want to avoid her at all costs but then I'm looking to look like some mad old bat who's bitter and twisted.AAAGGGH!

The other thing is and I don't know if anyone else has this who has other children is I keep getting really obsessed that something might happen to my daughter. I never dreamt she would be an only child (conceived naturally) and I she now seems even more precious and I don't know how to ruminating over it.
Sorry about the grumpy post, having a really bad day


----------



## emilycaitlin

Welcome dizzylou!!  You aren't alone in feeling that way about your dd, I get scared that something will happen to mine, and I'll be left with nothing too!  I think it's a fear built in to everyone.  I've blown you some bubbles to start you off!


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## cinders35

Hi you guys,
Welcome dizzyloo,
Know where you are with worrying about dd! Try not to be overprotective, but so scared of letting her out into big BAD world!! She has a nursery trip to the zoo, I nearly didn't let her go, as it's on fri 13th!! I'm not really superstitious!! So will be very relieved when that's over!!
Lots of   Suszy.
3 boys Teena!!! Lots of beer drinking later!! Glad all ok, pleased about your cervix!!!! 
 Ba!
The other pg ladies thing just doesn't go away does it? Dd had school visit today, saw other mums. One of which I haven't seen for ages, I glanced down to see her bump no.3! Her eldest is younger than dd!! God it's hard sometimes.
Anyway, feeling very tired, little bit stroppy (or a lot if you ask dp!), and bit emotional. Another scan & bloods tommorrow. Follies are making steady progress. Endometrium nice and thick. Lovely.
More follie and endometrium updates soon, bet you can't wait!!!
Lot's of love
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies!

Wow so many people to remember!

Ba - Happy Birthday and welcome to the thread hun!

Cinders - Sounds like you are doing really well with your tx!  How on earth am I going to fit in going for scans in the mornings and then getting to work?!!!!  Keep posting with your updates as I am reading them avidly in the hope that I might understand what is going to happen!  Keep baking lots of lovely follies and building up that endometrium flower!  How are you feeling generally?  Are you having any pain/discomfort/sickness or do you just feel like you have PMT?  Good luck chick I've got everything crossed for you!

Dizzylou- Hi hun welcome to the thread!  I know exactly how you feel about your friends!  My best friend fell pregnant in November having started trying at the same time as me.  We have both talked and been really honest about our feelings, and I even had a long heart to heart at one point where I appologised to her for being jealous of her pregnancy.  But its taken its toll, and has put a huge strain on our friendship.  It hurts like hell whenever I see her cos its a big reminder that I have been left behind. She is due her baby on 18th August.  I love her to bits and really resent the distance that this has put between us.  She avoids me cos she doesn't want to rub it in my face, and I avoid her because I don't want her to feel guilty!  It makes me so angry that IF has now taken away a friend I really needed to get through all of this.  I'm sure, in time, we will get back to where we were tho.  I hope so.  As for our little ones asking for babies, my little one does it all the time.  I would never want to be in the position that a lot of the girls on here are in, where they face a future with no children at all, but unless you are a secondary IF its hard to understand just how painful it is to not be able to give your little one the one thing they want more than anything else in the world.  I constantly fret about my little man and regularly panic about what would happen if anything happened to him.  I can honestly say, I wouldn't want to go on.  I have become super protective of him over the last sixteen months, so I think you will find, you are no different to anyone else on here flower!

Teena - Glad to hear the bubs are ok chick!  Three boys... oh my god!  Best of luck!  I am truly thrilled for you!

Susie - You sound really down hun.  It's not really a surprise this journey knocks the stuffing out of you doesn't it?  I've been reading books to.  I've just finished "Making Babies the Hard Way" which is about a couple who were trying for their first and after numerous IUIs finally just gave up (male factor).  It was a great read and made me feel really grateful for my little man, but depressed me, as I don't even want to consider giving up yet!  So I'm not sure if I would recommend it.  I have been writing my own story tho and it's really helping.  It's made me realise how far we've come and how strong we have been.  I doubt I will ever do anything with it, but it will be useful to show Matthew when he is older so that I can show him how hard we tried to make him a brother or sister in the event that we don't succeed.  Not long now till your appointment.  Let us know how it goes, cos I will have a quick peek on here at work even if I don't reply!

Hi to everyone else and hope you are all ok.

Just a last quick note... I took up belly dancing last night!  It was so much fun, but oh my god I ache like mad this morning!  I loved it tho!  The instructor thought I had done it before cos I picked it up so quickly!  Don't worry tho, I'm not going to don the outfits just yet.  Not sure the world is ready for my belly!

Love to all and speak next week!

Amanda

XXXXX


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## Davis

Thanks for all the Birthday wishes. I tried to celebrate as you have to make the best of a bad situation, but am just glad that its over now. 

Amanda - I have always wanted to try belly dancing, but I cant find a class near me. I really need to do some exercise I dont do a thing at the moment but am always so tired! Funny but in the 8 years that I have been struggling with IF I have never read anything about it. Think I probably should but I get so depressed about things like that (cant watch any of the baby making TV programmes). Still it might do me good to take charge of my IF? Also really like the idea of the book for both your DS and others. It could be just the inspiration that alot of couples need so dont go writing it off just yet.

Cinders - school run can be so hard. I went to a social evening for my DS on Friday and had to face the 'just one anymore planned' question all night!! Truely dont know what to say. Sometimes I turn and say 'yes but I have suffered 2 m/c with my last 2 pregnancies and he was born through IVF so we will probably just count our blessings' but most times I just grin inainly.

Dizzylou - I agree with everything you said. My best friend is 10weeks and although I am so happy for her I am so filled with self pitty for me. She has been wonderful and supportive of me but already it is inbetween our friendship and I really dont want to be the one who everyone is too afraid to mention being pregnant to or show their babies to. And my DS has only recently been given the all clear for a rare form of epilipsy or brain tumour, he had vertigo instead and I cant tell you how happy this news has made me. All through the tests and waiting my DH just kept saying that he now understood how the second child is an insurance policy. I wasnt sure that I agreed with him but could see his point that he was just extra worried that something would happen to our DS and we would be left childless again.

Susie - anniversaries are very difficult things to get through arent they. Both my DH and I have lost someone very close to us, I think when they are young it is harder. Its important to remember that its OK to feel the way you do. 

Well I have a wedding that runs over 2 days coming up. I am very nervous about it but more than anything dont know how I will not drink alot. Day one will be 12 hours!! I wont be able to not drink - that is not my make-up. As it will be 5dpo do you think that a one off drinking day will blow my chances and get rid of all my hard work or do you think that if I limit myself to one bottle of wine over 12 hours with a meal I should be OK??

Ba
x


----------



## hissie

Hi. Does anyone have any ideas of what questions I should be asking when I visit the consultant ( for the first time) regarding IVF or reversal surgery?

How did other peoples appointments go?

What kind of issues are disscused ect..

I'm so very nervous, I'm hoping it turns out ok.


----------



## missyb

hi all!!! how are we today? it has been a very odd week (again) i havent been feeling great and didnt go to wk yeasterday. the hormone circus was in town +++ this week and the wicked witch arrived a day late (giving me false hope... does this get any easier??) we got dp's sa result which was low (around 2 million) but they were normal forms and good progression.. the gp didnt seem too concerned but dp is devastated. anyway, gp wants to see me again thur to see if the antibiotics have worked and also to discuss some fertility bits so hopefully things might start moving!

hissie- im sorry hun i have no idea wot to ask the consultant as i've not been in the position to.. but just make sure you right down all of the things you want to ask so that you dont go blank when you go in there. good luck though hun and let us know how you get on!!

davis! god thats a long wedding! on the wine question.. everything in moderation and i'm sure you'll be fine. BTW BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!


hi teena! thanks for the reassurance re dodgy cervix.. i have to admit i was worried that my chances would be reduced having this done.. but the more i've looked into it it may help me a bit.

hi suzy im so sorry to hear about your brother. i should imagine that no matter how long ago it was it must be hard to deal with especially at celebrations or the anniversary of his death. it was a shame that you didnt get to do the things with the rest of your family that you did previously, but the important thing is that you remembered him... hope youre ok hun.. big kisses.

hi cinders!!! when do we get the next installment i cant wait hun.. we need some good news!!!

hi dizzylou! welcome to the thread... they are a fab lot on here..xx

hi pand!! belly dancing sounds fun.. i have the belly anyway!! xx

anyway, i'd best get off... it's the night before schools bath and hairwash etc!! yes life in the fast lane!!

love u all xx


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## hissie

Thank you Missyb I'll certainly let you all know how things went. My appointment is this coming Wednesday   and I'm feeling nervous.

Big hugs to all the gurls


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## drownedgirl

HI all and apols for being awol. Have been on  a break, but now am back in the saddle, doing our DE FET this month

x


----------



## missyb

hey drownedgirl!! welcome back and good luck hun xx


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## cinders35

My endometrium is "beautiful" according to the scanning lady, with a vibrator shaped instrument inserted appropriately. (You are not on porn website!!! Just reading about the daily lives of us poor ladies with IF!!!) 
Follies are not so many this time. Last time was looking about 9 at this stage, but this time only about 5. But maybe quality, not quantity?! What will be will be, and it only takes one!! The ones on left are a bit ahead of the game in size this time, but hope another couple will have caught up by tommorrows scan. EC is looking like thurs, but will know more tommorrow.
Very tired, so sorry for being selfish, but no personals tonight.
Lots of love
Cindersxxx


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## SUSZY

Dear girls
sorry I have been awol for a few days, we were away in the campervan and we had a good time and it did not rain!!!!
Feeling much better than I did last week but thanks for all your support girls I so appreciate it - it means such a lot to know you lot are here for me.  Think last week was just one of those weeks and don't think ds being ill helped.
anyway we have the big appt tomorrow and I cannot believe it and just hope we can go full steam ahead as its been such a long wait. I really don't know what to ask either but am hoping it will come to me!
Cinders - so glad your endo is beautiful - it sounds great news and very pleased for you, funny the things we type about - bit like I said the other day talking about cervixes!! I am sure your follies will come up trumps for you!  so good luck for thursday and fingers crossed for tomorrow.
missby so nice to hear from you - good luck with gp - but sorry to hear about dps result- i think the hormones do play tricks on us and its hard going sometimes but hopefully it will get better soon
drowned girl - glad to see you back and good luck for the next round! keep us posted
hissie good luck for wednesday, wish I knew what to ask but am sure if you looked around on this site you will come up with some 
things, there are so many places to look
davis - the wedding sonds great and I think you should drink and what you suggested sounded good and try and mix with lots of water, ie glass of wine then one glass of water and if possible try and get hold of good stuff or champers pref whatever have a great time and do relax and enjoy it because life is for living and having fun and we get rare opportunities on this rollercoaster so make the most of them while you can and just hope there are not too many preg ones there.  Also try and think what you are going to say if anyone asks any questions re having another!  thanks for your kind words appreciate them
dizzylou - welcome to the thread and I so relate to what you are saying, I seem to have lost so many friends over this whole process and I feel let down by lots of people i thought were my friends and have not been there for me in the way I am sure that I would have been for them or the way people are supportive on here.  its such a hard one but think people get so involved in their own lives its hard for them to imagine what its like for us although I have always tried to put my self in others shoes
Pand - thanks for your support as ever and your very kind and wise words and you writing it all down sounds great and I would love to read it one day!  i will try and post on here tomorrow or the next day to let you know.  take care sweetheart and so good luck with everything.  the belly dancing sounds brill, i did one session at the club but all the other people seemed so much better have not been back but will try to again.  pand let me know the author and I might think about it as sometimes it might make us appreciate what we have more.
I do keep kissing and cuddling my ds and telling him how much I love him and my parents do the same as he is the only grandchild but I think this must all be good for him and it must be lovely to have so much love
right girls love and hugs to the rest of you
i am so scared I am going to lose this that will post and then do a few ps in a mo
lots of love and luck
susie


----------



## SUSZY

HI to Bek and sarylou and Lainy lou - hope you are all doing ok girls and have you any more news.
Lainey - you said you might know more in a few weeks - any news??
emily caitlin, honeyprincess , mazz, gabrielle- how are you  all doing - thinking of you
Tina - how are you sweetheart
kelway - how are you - are you ever coming back on here.

anyway must get to bed as long day tomorrow but dh has day off and my mum is getting ds so hopefully we can enjoy it a bit too.

take care and thanks as ever for your support, it makes so much difference and really helps
i am here for you all too.

take care
  
susie


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## missyb

hi all!! how did it go suzy?? thinking of you hun xx

hi cinders! glad your endometrium is beautiful!! hope all going ok. keep us posted hun. fingers, toes and vital organs crossed for you. xx


amanda xx


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## cinders35

Hello!
What's the plan Suszy?
My plan, EC thurs. 
Thanks for all your good wishes.
Love Cindersxxx


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## SUSZY

Just posting on here quickly as on my way to visit mil in hospital as she has broken her arm, I have not read your posts yet but wanted to let you know how I got on in the hope it might make me feel better. I am typing through my tears as I am gutted.

We arrived and were impressed with hospital but had to travel couple of hours to get there, seemed small friendly clinic and we did not have to wait that long (usually an hour in chester) we were taken to a room with this lady and not sure if she were a nurse but it soon became apparent we were not there for our PTV (pre tx visit) as she asked if we had considered doing IVF with our own eggs!
We told her the cons had recommended ed or gen testing and that we had done a lot of reasearch etc etc , she said it just looks from your notes that you have had 6 month clommid and one IUI - I explained we had done a lot of reasearch thought about it lots and that inbetween the tx had also tried alternative remedies, anyway I stressed how we wanted to commence asap that chester had taken a while to refer us that the letter had been wrong and how we had to wait for 8 weeks for this appt.
anyway it seemed to have worked and from saying she was full we were told come back next wed and they would also put us in for counselling and we could have our tests done at gp.  So we came away very optimistic and we met up with my friend donating and it was all great and we even stopped at ikea on way back and dh bought me some storage for toys which he said I could not have but then bought so life was looking sweet.
We got in at 11.30pm to find mil had broken her arm and awoke this morning to all sorts of things happening including the new hospital confirming some appt but during one of the phone calls I could hear this woman in the back ground saying oh I cannot possibly see her at 6pm on wed I am going on holiday and I have other patients to see and she did not say it in a nice way, I told the receptionist I had heard and she said don't worry we will have a chat and call you back which she did to say that they wanted to change it to 22nd of bloody August - well of course the tears and sobs started - I explained I made the first phone call on 20th April and how it had taken me ages to contact the nurse at the new place, then the letter being wrong then the wait for this appt and now they are expecting us to wait another 6 weeks.  Well I am absolutely hopping mad and once again feel like a 2nd rate citizen, I feel that they make us wait for these appt then try and delay us by any little thing and just make us wait and wait and wait and I am so fed of it.  Yet all the time when I took the months to make the decision I knew this would happen and I have seen it so many times on here.  So I am sitting it so fed up and angry and upset and impatient and I just want to get on with it and so does my donor and all along she has said can I do anything to speed it up and now they are using her as the excuse for the extra time. I so wish we could all rise up and march to parliament or whereever to get this sorted , why are we treated like second rate citizens - why are we made to wait so long and if they are so busy and its such a common problem why are they not making more funds available! I am even madder because my cons took an advert out in local paper trying to get patients to come to him privately offering them some active infertilty tx.
anyway have to go and will write again later.
love
susie


----------



## hissie

I can totally relate to your situation Suszy. I spent the last year and a half writing to my local PCT regarding possible funding for a reversal. They kept putting off the meetings to disscuss my request. In the end they rejected my request for funding. I put in an appeal, but after a lengthy wait that was rejected too.

I decided to pay a visit back to the GP to inquire about IVF. My GP was unsure of the eligability criteria, so referred me to a gyne. My gyne appointment was today. Again, he reitterated that any reversal would not be funded and it was due to the area I live in, which is bloody annoying in itself. He then proceeded to tell me that the cut off point for funded IVF is 35, and because I am 35, I wsouldn't be eligable for IVF funded treatment. I basically got up and said sorry for wasting your time. I think he got a shock and decided to double check his info, turns out the cut off point is 39, so I'm now being referred to the IVF specialist. God knows when I'll get an appointment. No doubt even if I do get an appointment, the waiting list for IVF is years long apparently so I'll probs be past the age of 39. It's so frustrating.

Unfortunatly at this present moment in time, my partner and I are unable to fund treatment. My partner has just recently finished a degree and is despratly seeking employment now. I've just finished a college course with a view to starting uni in October. We have no way of accessing any funds at the moment and our finacial situation won't allow us to take out a loan, we would struggle with the repayments.

I guess I'll have to see what the next appointment brings.


----------



## hissie

Oh forgot to ask.

I know very little about IVF to be honest and the gyne didn't tell me anything about it either.

Are the stages of IVF lengthy?? ie from start to hopefully conceiving?? Sorry, I'm just totally in the dark about the whole procedure even tho I've spent hours reading on the net.


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls
thanks for asking about me and cinders so good luck for thursday - will have everything crossed for you,
hi missby - how are you sweetheart.

quick update feel bit better as went to the hospital and realise after seeing old and ill and limbless people I don't have that many problems! also went out to a jazz thing which not normally my thing but very nice then saw some people sleeping in the car park so put stuff even more in perspective for me.
anyway we have counsellor on monday, have booked tests (hiv and hepaandb) for us both and ruebella for me at local surgery and there might not even be a charge!!! my donor has her appt on 7th aug for her tests and paperwork then dh has sperm test on 9th and we have our appt 22nd aug and then hopefully full steam ahead on day 21 of her cycle which might take us to sep but just have to look at positves and know can enjoy the summer hols, do lots of exercise and healthy eating and reduce my drinking so we now have more time to do all that,.  still hopping mad but still

Dear Hissie
Thanks so much for your reply and lovely words and it is terrible how we get treated and it pisses me off so much!
Not sure what we can do about it but very impressed what you said to the dr and think more of us should stand up for ourselves.
I know we are lucky to be able to have this tx and we have already spent about 2k  on it (with nothing compared to some of the girls on this website) but think my dh going to put in on credit cards with 0 % or something and I know really we cannot afford it in that sense but now we have the campervan we won't be going abroad for a hol and we can have lots of weekends away with it being very cheap ie just the petrol and wine which i am giving up and small entry fee for the events but I know its not easy esp if you are studying.  Its times like this that you wish you had rich relatives or ones that you can ask for a loan.

re ivf i don''t know loads but there are def places on here just about ivf but i will give you my brief potted overview that might not be right but you start taking injections (sometimes nasal spray) to down regulate your system to mimic menopause (not sure what day of your cylce but been told for me on day 21 of my donors cycle) then after a while (not sure couple of weeks and I think after an af) you then start taking the stimming drugs that stimulate your ovaries to produce more eggs and you have a few scans a long the way and when they think its right they do ECollection and after a few hours  mix it with the sperm, wait over night to see how many fertilize and see the quality and ten hopefully the followingday ie 2 days after et put them back in (can be longer if go to blastocyst stage)they only put 2 embies back in and then you have the lovely 2ww but the best bet is to ask the girls who have been through it or going through it like cinders.

anywy girls signing off now and thanks as ever for all your support
lots of love and luck as ever
susie


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!! how are we all?

oh suzy i read your messages and again i feel like screaming on your behalf!!! i dont understand sometimes why these people are in the caring profession if they are unable to empathise with people and their situation? i'm glad that you are able to look at the positives but at times it must be hard. i feel that when we do get our bfp's we will cherish our little ones as we have struggled constantly whether it is with consultants, test, friends, the whole universe being able to get pg!!! that we will appreciate what we have. like you i feel v lucky that i have found this site and have the opportunity to talk to like minded people- otherwise i fear my head would explode!!!

hissie - hi hun i wish i could help and give you more ifor on ivf- im quite new to all of this and i'm at the early stage of my journey. i can relate to the fiancial side of things though. dp is looking for work and so im supporting all of us on my wage which isnt easy! i can just about manage everyday things let alone ivf. it seems so unfair!!! 

hope your ok cinders and that all going good. thinking of you hun xx

i went to the gp today. she is referring me to the fertility clinic, i have 21 day bloods to do on 25th jul, and she is sending me for a scan. at last i feel like thigs are moving! i know that it is going to take a while as i have my cryo the end of aug/sept but at least i feel that things are moving at last. dp not happy ith the new enforced diet, but his cholesterol is high and after the sa results i think he'll do anything to get healthier.

anyway, love to you all.

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Thanks again for your support. 
Sorry about all the dramas Suszy, and I understand your frustration with waiting around. There's a lot of it in IF treatment. But I think it will pass really quickly, as you say ds will keep you busy in summer hols!!
Hi Hissie, Suszy has pretty much covered the general IVF procedure I think. It's a bit of a rollercoaster, but that doesn't stp us going back for more in pursuit of our dreams!!
Hey Missyb, thanks for thinking of me.
Hello to everyone else, 
Had EC today, 10 eggs collected. But not sure if all mature enough. But a better than expected collection, as follies were growing reluctantly! Am sitting here with hot water bottle, but not feeling too bad. Next hurdle is phone call from embryologist tommorrow, to see if they have fertilised. So fingers crossed, and everything else!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi cinders! good luck for tomorrow! let us know how you get on tomorrow. im on a ld but i'll check in again over the weekend. it's all crossed again hun! a x


----------



## SUSZY

Dear 
Cinders and Missby - I really appreciate your support girls.
Cinders - wow 10 eggs thats great and fingers crossed for over night and tomorrow and then ET - how exciting and yet nerve racking - just wishing you lots and lots of luck and thinking of you. 
missby-sounds like things really moving for you with day 21 bloods and scans again I know its waiting for you but at least we are doing something I suppose.  I also so agree that hopefully when we get our bfps all this waiting will fade into the background although reading that empty arms again it says how the if journey is etched on our hearts for ever.
As you say its a long process but hopefully we will get there.
hope the rest of you are doing ok?
feeling bit better now as in pretty sure I will be starting tx 21st sep with my donor starting 27 sep and yes I am annoyed at the system but knew it would happen and just by being on here hopefully we all help each other by increasing each othes knowledge.
Take care and lots of love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Morning all,
Glad you feeling better about things Suszy, and to be honest would be better to do treatment with ds in school, as you will have time to rest. It will be here before you know it.
Missyb, hope your ld goes quick, and your patients behave for you!!
Got the phone call this a.m. My heart was nearly jumping out of my chest!! 7 have fertilized, so all being well that they go on to divide, will be having ET tommorrow at 8am. Hoping they make the grade so to speak, as had quite a mixed bunch last treatment, ranging from 2 - 3/4.
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## nic68

Hi all,
Feeling really down today. had our follow up appt with consultant yesterday and he said that due to poor response to last two cycles of ivf our best choice is egg donation or adoption. egg collection can be done at our clinic if i know someone otherwise with anonomous donor then i would have to move clinics and that cost would be double. we've already paid thousands for the last two and don't know if we can spend thousands more as there is no guarantee and also the heartache. need to decide which road to go down.

Everytime i think about things i am tearful, i know it will get easier.

Good luck for tomorrow cinders fingers crossed for you.

Nicola x


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls - hope you doing ok, despite this rain, 

Cinders - fab news that 7 have fertilised that is amazing and the best of luck to those embies for the next 24 hours and I will be thinking of you at 8am tomorrow - sending you lots of           will keep everything crossed for you and we so need another BFP on here.  Are you going to start a diary in the 2ww bit as that helps and you must also keep us posted or let us know if you are doing one so we know where to look.
good luck darling.

Dearest Nic Sorry you feeling so down and I am sure the weather not helping sending you lost of     and hope you begin to feel a little better soon but you are also very entitled to have a down phase and cuddle up on sofa with cup of tea (wine) choc etc and try and treat yourself some how.
I know how you feel as I was very upset after my follow up for one failed IUI and its the cold way they say it and I was down for months but through the loving support of FF and a couple of friends and an offer of an egg from an amazing person and doing lots of research on there that I began to realise that ED is a great alternative.  Some very kind lady gives us her eggs it mixes with our partners sperm and is put back as an embryo that without our womb and blood etc would be nothing but with the cosy home we offer it will hopefully develop into a healthy baby.  We feed and nourish it and our blood runs through its veins so we have a very large part to play in it.  If we had not had this kind offer and its amazing that actually a couple of friends offered then we would have gone to Spain to do it.  There are lots of options and info out there but you need time to grieve and come to terms that your own eggs are not up to the job.  for me the fact I had 2 m/c nearly 4 years ago means mine are not up to the job and as someone else that I admire and her reasons for donating are perfect is prepared to give me the gift of her eggs that would other wise come to nothing then that is the best route for me.
I hope this helps and I am so you feel tearful but I think sometimes you have to let them out and come on this site and realise there are millions of us in the same boat and that we are all here for each other no matter what time or day and that even my writing down our thoughts and feelings that is like therapy. take care Nic and thinking of you.

just been looking at dates with my mum and looks like I will start my injections 20th sep but the ec and et might not be til very end of oct early nov nearly a year after my failed IUI, it seems like an age away and not the best time of year but still trying to look at positive and at least I have some dates.
missby hope you doing ok before you know it you will have your bloods and scan done
love and luck to the rest of you

love
susie


----------



## hissie

Thanks girls for the ivf info   I did find other info on this forum too, so I have more of an idea what to expect if it turns out that I am eligiable for treatment. Just waiting for an appointment with the fertility treatment specialist, then it's up to him whether my treatment gets funded or not.


Very sorry to hear about your circumstances Nic. It's fully understandable that you are devestated, but Suszy has given comforting words which is always good. Nothing worse than having little or no support, but this forum is worth it's weight in gold   I really hope thinks sort out for you  

Good luck everyone


----------



## missyb

evening ladies! i have finished my ld and my dp ran me a fab bath.. but thanks to an energy drink im wide awake!! boo hoo. i also said i'd do an early tomorrow as there are no staff!! im a gluton for punishment!! so i apologise in advance if none of this makes sense.

hi suzy.. i know it must seem like an eternity and you know that we all understand the time issues. to other people a couple of mths isnt long but to us it is an eternity. i know that me and dp have only been trying for almost a year.. but every delay has seemed like forever. try and stay the positive person that you are. 

hi cinders!! omg hun i nearly cried when i read your message... fingers, toes and other organs that may be uncrushed from the first set of crossing... i soooo have a good feeling aout this hun. you better keep us posted otherwise i will hound you!!!! my patients werent behaving the sods!!! i'm sure dementia and confusion  are catching!! at least none of them have escaped today or have paraded naked around the ward.. which makes a pleasant change!!!


hi nicola- im so sorry that you're feeling doown. i cant imagine what it's like to be given the news you have.. big hugs xx


anyway, im off as im waffling worse than usual (is that even english?)

love 

amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone!

Wow, I haven't been on for a week and so much to catch up on!

Cinders - I am so excited and nervous for you!  You have done so well to make so many little embies!  I'm typing this at 10 am and am desperate for your update!  I promise I will keep everything crossed, and lets hope this is the beginning of a spate of postive news on this thread!  I don't envy you the two week wait tho hun.  We will be here if you need to talk!

Drownedgirl - So good to hear from you!  Best of luck with the FET hun.  More crossed fingers and toes!

Missyb - Amanda, I'm sorry to hear the SA result wasn't as good as you had hoped, but I know couples who have had similar results and diet and lifestyle changes have made a noticeable difference.  I also have a couple of friends who had a pretty much non existent count, but had IVF (ICSI) and fell pregnant first time.  I hope this gives you some hope!  I'm glad things are moving along for you now and good luck for the cryo.  I love your posts about your patients by the way.  They always make me laugh!

Nicola - I know we haven't spoken before, but that is devastating news.  I'm not surprised you are feeling down.  Suzy is definitely the best person to speak to as she has already begun her journey on that bumpy road.  Give yourself time to grieve and think.  I really hope you can find someone you know to help as I am sure that would make your decision process a little easier.  Come and chat whenever you need to.

Suzy - my friend, I am so gutted that I wasn't here for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on flower.  I'm  really sorry you were treated so badly by the clinic.  It's like life is determined to prolong the agony sometimes isn't it?  Only this week I felt like everything was conspiring against me and that someone up there was trying to give me a message!  You seem to have picked yourself up a bit now, well done, that must have taken some courage.  I agree that September will probably be a good time for you with your little one back at school, so maybe this is happening for a reason.  My friend keeps telling me that the best things in life are worth fighting for, and I think that is so true.  Keep fighting hun.  We are not going to take this lying down! (Well perhaps during the ET!).  It may also be that I will be cycling and on my two week wait at the same time as you!  Keep smiling chick.  Lots of hugs. XXX

Hi to everyone else!  Sorry I haven't remembered everyone's names but I do think of you all!

A quick me update then as I need a wee!

I got my FSH result this week which was 6.7.  I understand that that is quite good?  My cons has sent my drugs prescription through the post which I got really excited about (how sad!).  Then I had a bit of a bad day on Tuesday.  I'm tired anyway as we are nearly at the end of term, but I found out that OFSTED are likely to be paying our school a visit by the end of this year.  I had a complete panic thinking that there is no way I will be able to manage working full time, IVF treatment and an OFSTED inspection all at the same time!  I know I'm good but I'm not that good!  I tried ringing the clinic to see if they could bring our next appointment forward so that we could complete all of our treatment over the holidays and got a resounding no, as they are short staffed and can only do two chats a day.  I felt really fed up.  Then I asked about down regging.  At the moment if we start treatment in August I will be down regging before we go away and would be due to start stimming whilst we are away, which I know I couldn't do as you need to be scanned so regularly.  I asked if the down regging could be hung out for a bit longer and they think it can.  So fingers crossed!  Otherwise my treatment will be when we are back at school, with a new class and an OFSTED inspection looming!  EEEEK.

Anyway, dh has to go and give his sample on Monday and then we have our chat on 27th July.  One step at a time.  

That's all for now!  Will post next week!

Love to everyone!

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Hello my fert friends!
Good to see things are moving along Pand. It seems there are lots of hurdles to get through with treatment, and a one step at a time is a very sane and sensible approach. Though not an easy one to achieve!
Have had ET today. Last time was difficult and painful!! They had anaesthetist on standby for me today, but the Dr who did it was SOOOOO gentle, the catheter went in easily! It didn't hurt a bit! Which is I think how it should be. So the2 little embryos onboard have been given their chance for life, I am resting as much as I can. But it's pretty much down to them now. Keep dividing little ones, keep growing   .
And now for the loopy bit  the dreaded 2ww!!!
Hope your early has gone quick Missyb, and put your feet up tonight. Better still get dp to rub them! You must be whacked. Long days are a killer! Was reading back through posts, and just thought would mention zinc and folic acid had dramatic effect on dp's SA. Is your dp on these? Takes about 3 months to have effect. But was well worth it for us. Worth a try.
Love to you all
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Cinders that is great news hun.  I will be sending you lots of sticky vibes.  The 2ww is going to be a nightmare, but we are all here for you and keeping everything crossed.

Don't normally post on a Sunday, but I've had an emotional weekend.  Been spending lots of time with my 6 week old nephew.  He is absolutely gorgeous and sat with him asleep on my lap for ages this morning just stroking his soft hair and breathing in his lovely baby smell.  I am genuinely thrilled for my brother and sister in law as they have been to hell and back to get to this point and they really deserve it.  But I have come away both yesterday and today and felt so utterly miserable.  I've been in tears several times.  I just so desperately want to be a mum again.  I've got this awful ache in the pit of my stomach and it hurts so much.  I said to dh on the way home, what if we don't have any more?  Is it going to be this painful every time I spend time with a small baby?  Is it always going to hurt this much?  The prospect of spending the rest of my life pinning for something I can't have is too awful to contemplate.  And then I've got the prospect of dealing with my best friend's baby in August.  Why am I left on the sidelines?  What have I done to deserve this?  Is it every going to end?

Sorry for the moan, just feeling so down.  Haven't felt like this for ages and have been so proud of myself for dealing with it all.  Just goes to show, it still comes back and bites you on the bum when you least expect it.

That's all for now.  Speak next week everyone.  Love to you and Cinders TAKE IT EASY!

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Oh Pand,
You ARE doing so well, but spending all that time with a 6 week old is enough to get anyones ovaries twitching. Let alone ours! Sometimes I feel like I want to     and shout "BUT I WANT ANOTHER BABY!!!!" But then think dp would disown me, and would set bad example for dd. So I refrain from this. Bottle it up, until at some point the well fills up, spills over and I have a good bawl.   I think we need to allow ourselves these little blips, as we face what sometimes feels like a bleak future. But then we need to re-focus on the job in hand. You have a plan, and a mighty fine one at that! You are going to start treatment soon, and have a REAL chance of getting pregnant. Look at Teena, she is going from one ds, to three! Living proof that it CAN happen for us! I hope by time you read this you have managed to pick yourself backup, you're strong, so I think you will. Wil send you a few                               just in case.
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Cinders - fantastic news re ET and glad it did not hurt as much as last time and and that those Lovely embies are in such a lovely place and lets wish them lots of   thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of luck.  Think the first few days are not so bad and you must take it easy but think perhaps the second week is very hard. (we are here for you)  I really do think starting a diary on the 2ww is a good idea and that way you can just write what you feel when you feel it and it gives you a focus and it helps others and in turn they help and support you.  Just a thought but its like therapy.
You are such a lovely girl but despite this momentous thing happening to you right now you are so caring and considerate to us.
I just so wish this works for you and will be really routing for you darling.  Good luck sweetheart.  Meant to say it might also help to read other peoples dairies as well and you might find some people on the same timescales which will be more support and of course you have to post on here too but if you do decide to do it tell us and we can go over and check it and you don't have to repeat yourself and it can be your place to get stuff of your chest.  

Pand darling I don't know what to say, it must have been so hard - I can just imagine how you must feel but sometimes in these situations I think ok I actually want my own baby that has grown inside me and given birth to rather than want the baby I am actually holding there and then - not that I have not teased the mum and said I will just take them home with me.  Also and this is to try and help you don't forget having them lie in your lap arms is great until they start balling for the boob or a nappy and then don't forget all hell breaks lose and it is hard work, the sleepless nights, etc and you need 9 months of preg to get used to all that again.  Having said all that I am weak and cried when I saw a friends 12 week scan - I have not done that before I have managed to hold it in but it just made me happy for her and sad for me and it really reminded me of my ds at that stage (also she has a blocked tube and has been through all sorts of stuff too)  I don't think it will get any easier but hopefully it will hurt a little less.  I so relate to that dull ache and the thing in the pit of your stomach and it does hurt but we have each other to hug down the internet and we know that we understand and feel the same.  I looked at that empty arms again the other day and although it was written by someone who did not even have one child the sentiments are the same and it helps to look at that and I am thinking of sending it to a couple of fertile friends next month which will be four years since my first m/c. I just want to send you       and as ever to say I and we are here for you.  Hope you feel better soon and you have done so well and you have been through so much and as cinders said you have a plan and its only a couple of weeks off before you start so just focus and be positive and try and get yourself in the best frame of mind (says me - this is what I have been told) and get some PMA which I think is positive mental attitude.  thinking of you  Re your other post bet it was very exciting getting the drugs in the post and makes it so real and just around the corner, is your chat to show you what to do with the injections etc.
Not sure what to say re ofsted but I am sure its nothing to worry about as you are such a brill teacher and your school is really good too.  You will pass with flying colours and I can understand it being a lot to have on what with the IVF as well but are you not going to take any time off and surely you are allowed to be sick.  Try not to worry as you need to focus on your tx.
I want to be a bit cheeky which I have only just remembered as I wrote about ofted and I might post another message about it but dh got his report and there were four areas including reading and writing where it said he has just readed stepping stones. as opposed to the rest that said stepping stones and early learning goals.  feel a bit guilty asking you about this when you have so much else on your mind so don't worry as I say I might post another thread, also want to speak to the teacher but as its last week sure it will be a bit manic.

jenny - like the photos and good luck with those babies!!hope you are feeling better now honey

drowned girl - how are you doing, what date do you do the FET, good luck.

missby - hope you are doing ok, think what the other girls are saying is so right and of course with ICSI it only needs one sperm.
I think life style changes can really help but of course sometimes they are really hard to do because we need the support of the chocolate or wine or whatever our little support thing is.  Good luck anyway.  Pand is right your posts are funny and I bet it keeps you on your toes.  Hope you have recovered from such a long shift.  bath sounds lovely but its a bit late now tonight.

nic - how are you feeling now honey, hope you have cheered up a bit and as you can see from all our posts we are all affected by this terrible IF journey but more importantly we are all here for each other.  take care

hissie - how are you doing and have you had any news about an appt to discuss the funding etc - you could perhaps write to carbooty or cash in the attic or whatever it is to see if you have any family heirlooms lying around the place and when they ask what you want the money for you can say a BABY!!!!!!!  hope you don't mind me being a bit glib just trying to make you smile.
it is terrible that the tx are so expensive


my af is on its way and I have had little bits as ever but yesterday I had the worst stomach ache that I have had in a long time and it was very strange and unusual and dh keeps asking me about my period but its doing its normal little bit nothing, get your hopes up, bit more, nothing, and any day will flood out!  Its a weird stage to be because with everything in place I do just want to get on with the Ed now.

This is turning into a mammoth post and I do seem to have been doing a lot of posting recently so will stop now but wanted to say hi to all the other girls too who have not posted for a while gabrielle, honeyprincess, Mazz, Lainey, Bec, emily caitlin, Tina and Kelway and anyone else who had not been on for a while please come back - we miss you!
Not sure if I have told you but probably have we have counsellor tomorrow so wish us luck and our tests at local clinic on Wednesday, we are just trying to tick these off when we can.
will let you know more when I know more and the best of luck to you cinders and those lovely embies.
love to you especially Pand and anyone else who feeling a little down, hopefully we will all get our dream one day.
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Wow! That was mammoth post!!!! I am a 2 finger typer, reckon you must have typing skills beyond my wildest dreams Suszy?! Thank's for your lovely, kind words. I appreciate.  I have started a diary, but it's a bit boring. Last time wanted to eat, sleep and breathe 2ww, and I think diary reflected that. This time am still eating, sleeping and breathing 2ww so far! But would rather put it to one side and let it pass! As you say, it's next week I will be REALLY twitchy, so watch out!
Good luck for tests tommorrow, and hope not too many   with counsellor today. But that could e a good thing? 
   to you all,
Love Cindersxxxx


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## Pand

Dear girls

Cinders and Susie, you are such lovely girls.  Thank you both for your kind words and encouragement.  I am feeling a bit stronger again today, I guess I'm just tired as I've not been sleeping all that well.  Your posts really helped to get me back on track.  It means so much that there are people out there who care and understand.  Thank you both so much.

Susie, I'm not really sure what you are asking about stepping stones and early learning goals, but I'd like to help and its not cheeky.  Are you concerned that your ds hasn't reached the right levels?  I don't really understand the early learning goals and stepping stones as they are Foundation Stage and I work on National Curriculum Levels, but I can easily find anything out so ask away!  I will check posts later this week. 

Thanks once again for you support.  I really don't know what I would do without you guys.

Lots of love

Amanda


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## SUSZY

Dear Pand and Cinders
Thanks for your lovely posts again and so glad you are feeling better Pand and Cinders you are in control.
Good luck for each day to you both!
Anyway come on the rest of you girls please come back because this is turning into our daily chat and we want you back too!
just to let you know and will keep it quick and yes Cinders I can touch type about one of the only things I can do and I can do it quite fast but make lots of mistakes but am good at correcting them as well.  (I tend to type as I think, quite disjointed in a hurry and a bit mixed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) Anyway she was a lovely counsellor and gave us lots of good advice and when I asked if we had passed she laughed and said did you think I would test you? and said we were a very switched on couple who knew what we wanted which was nice.  She did think we had been mucked about a bit with the appts and told us about one down the road but really want to stay where we are now despite the travelling as close to the donor.  She also said we could have counselling for a year after so will get my moneys worth that way and that she will teach me to relax properly for the tx, I had mentioned I had tried  homoepathy and acupuncture, she also gave us an address to write to for info which will pass on to you guys and she also mentioned FF which I thought was brill so that is a positive to come out of it all.  She asked us what we would tell the child, our dh, how long we would try for and that was about it really - think thats to this web site we know our stuff and are so confident and adament something we were not when we met the consultant 2 years ago.
I won't rabbit for long as am very tired as we took the campervan to garage this am, sorted out a few other things, did a course went to Bham and back and then up to the Manchester region to visit MIL who home for hossie so been busy bees (not to mention we have 2 wasps nests we think on kitchen roof) and not even had my BB installmant tonight!!!  Pand I will probably PM you or if you could find out re the Early learing goals that would be brill, he is leaving reception to go in year one and think the teachers will be so busy these last few days but come to think of it so will you and I am sure I could do research on the internet though.
anyway girls will shoot off and as ever love and luck to you all    
lots of love
susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Hello ladies,
I could seriously do with some support today as my world has just collpased in on itself. We had Icsi in May which failed. The clinic made a mess of our embryos (15 grade 1 and 2) which meant we only ended up with 2 in the freezer. We were devastated following the icsi failing but were planning to wait the three months and try again which helped us to get through it. Anyway  my first period the month after the icsi was late and it turned out I was pregnant naturally. To say we were ecstatic was an understatement. It felt like everything was going to be okay. Well I was at work yesterday and started to bleed and now I have miscarried. I was only five and a half weeks, so I know it wsn't a baby but I can't describe just how sad I feel. Luckily my little girl is at nursery today because I just can't stop crying, but she caught me crying this morning and got really upset. She will be at home with me tomorrow and I know I've got to pull myself together by then. I'm sure some of it is hormones because it's a bit like when you get the baby blues.
Anyway hopw everyone is having a better day than I am


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## cinders35

Oh dizzyloo,
So so very sorry. What a terrible thing to happen after everything you have been through. If it was me, would just let the flood gates open for today and wallow. As you say, you won't have the luxury of crying tommorrow. Unless dd could do some extra nursery time? Or visit any family or friends tommorrow? I hope you have someone with you to wipe away your tears. This isn't something I have had the misfortune to go through, so I am probably not saying the right words. I think there is a miscarriage board, they will be empathetic I'm sure. But I hope you have someone "real" with you, as there is only so much comfort you can get from these                                .
Sincere sympathy dizzyloo,
Love Cindersxxx


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## missyb

hi dizzyloo! i'm so sorry to hear your news. i have been in the same position as you a long time ago before i had the girls. you need to cry, especially after all you have been through. you need to have someone with you like cinders said, preferably someone who understands what youre going through and who isnt going to be 'well meaning' and offer you platitudes (is that the right word) that arent really a comfort.

you know where we all are if you need to spill it all out.

big hugs and thinking of you.

amanda xx


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## nic68

Dizziloo - so sorry to hear your sad news.

Nicola x


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## cinders35

Hey dizzylou,
Just wondering how you doing today? 
Thinking of you,
Love Cindersxx
p.s Hi to everyone too!


----------



## dizzyloo

Thanks Cinders. Still feeling really sad, but am holding it together better than yesterday. Having my bathroom refitted today so can't really indulge myself too much. managed to laugh for the first time today when my DD told me my skirt was beautiful because it made me look like an ice-lolly!

I can't seem to get my head around what to do next. We've been trying for 18 months to get pregnant and resorted to ICSI because of DH having a low sperm count. Now I've fallen pregnant naturally although its been a miscarriage I don't know whether that means we will need to have more ICSI. We also have two embryos in the freezer although my consultant didn't seem to give a very positive picture of FET. I'm tempted to think that we should leave it six months and see if it happens naturally again but DH is convinced he doesn't want to wait because once DD gets to five he thinks that is too big an age gap. mainly because both of us come from families with big age gaps and it hasn't worked out. 

Anyway am seeing the consultant tonight for what should have been our six week scan, so at least it might help us to get some answers.

BTW did anyone see Loose Women today, talking about IVF to chose the sex of the baby. I nearly threw something at the telly because these women were talking about IVF like its some kind of lifestyle choice, and Carol McGiffin stated she didn't understand why women went rushing off to have iVF when they can't get pregnant. Frankly I think this experience constitutes some kind of cruel and unusual punishment rather than any kind of choice.


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## missyb

evening all!! hows it going?


hi dizzyloo... im glad you had things to occupy yourself with but just dont forget to let things out if you need to. i did laugh at the ice cream skirt comment! i wish i knew what your next step is as i havent been down that route.. maybe get in touch with your consultant? i hope it all works out with whatever you decide to do hun. xx

hi suzy glad all went well with the counsellor. even though i dont post every day i do peer on here to see how you guys are doing and i hope you dont think i've abandoned you especially as you are going through so much lately, and especially as you have been here for me 2.

hi cinders.. how are you doing hun

hi pand how are you doing? i read your post and thought that i'd written it myself. i so know how you feel. i wish i had an answer as to whether you'll feel like this forever.. but i dont know as i feel it too. i keep trying to talk myself out of it all and saying that in a few years the girls will be more independant and leading their own lives and i can do more of my own thing... but i know i just say that to protect myself.. big hugs to you... glad my stories about my patients make you laugh. they make me laugh too and definatley keep me on my toes. big hugs to you. xx

hi jenny! good to hear from you but soz you been poorly. take care hun xx

i am at that odd stage in my cycle where i'm just waiting and wondering. i've had really bad ovary pain and my boobs feel v tender also my cm (ewww tmi i know) is how it should be (coz i hate the thought of egg white) so i have fingers crossed that maybe i'm ovulating and that something might happen. i dont know if i'm being an optimist/stoopid  but if dp's sperm is low does that mean that we'll never be able to ttc nautrally? i feel v hormonal today. my eldest ds had her leavers assembly and is currently at the leavers disco as she is going to high school... omg i feel old and that my babies are growing up!!!

anyway, i have waffled on for long enough. hope you are all ok. hi to all that ive missed.

xx amanda xx


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## SUSZY

Dizzylou- so sorry about your m/c - its devestating what ever stage you are at esp when you have tried for so long.
all I can do is offer you my support, love and understanding (have had two m/c) and think you need time and love 
    and hope you feel better soon although having said that you need time to feel sad as well and sometimes a good cry is what we need.  So sorry that this has happened to you though.
Think as ever FF will have some answers and at least somewhere for you to go.
Missby - no worries did not feel that you had abandoned us/me - we all know sometimes we come on here a lot and others not, it had just gone a bit quiet.
my ds has just come through and said I am missing thomas the tank, he is a bit old to be watching it at 5 and a half but its nice so am going to go and spend some time with him before bed,  Keep wanting to get him to bed early as he struggles in the morning and we only have 2 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! yipee far from thinking how I am going to fill the time and 6 weeks drag I just love every mo although am going to escape to my mums a few times in somerset for a little hol.
we had bloods done today at the clinic ie for hiv and hep b and c and me ruebella so really do feel like I am moving down the road.
must go now girls, thinking of you all and sending you lots of love and luck as ever.
cinders - how are you doing the 2ww, will have a look at your diary later.
take care
love
susie


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## dizzyloo

Hello, feeling a bit better today. Have managed to actually speak to people which is a good sign.
Saw consultant and he seemed quite positive. Basically if I get pregnant again its an immediate start on clexane and  depending on the result of my natural killer cell test,  Prednisolone. he has recommended using the frosties first before embarking on another full cycle. So that will probably happen in september/october.
has anyone done this and if so did you do a medicated or unmedicated cycle?
As a complete control freak it makes me feel better that I can start doing something constructive and make some plans.

I'm just getting to the stage of feeling completely sick and tired of thinking about it all I'm fed up of worrying when, if and how. I just don't know how to get the motivation to keep going some days. How wonderful life must be without infertility to worry about!
Have decided to redecorate the house (despite being destitute) and have found thinking about grout and valve fittings to be throughly therapeutic!


----------



## missyb

hi girls how are we doing today what cruddy weather!!! 
i need to get out more because i've just spent the last few minutes making sure that all of our number bubbles end in 7...

ok back to reality.

hi dizzy.. again i cant really help with your question but i totally understand how you feel about the whole if thing. i feel sometimes like a woman possessed. i could become a dr with the amt of info ive read! im fed up of wondering when. ive said it before and i'll say it again.. if i had a crystal ball and knew that it was going to happen i'd stop worrying. it's the not knowing that drives me mad!!! 
like you although destitute(lol) me and dp are going to decorate our bedroom. so that should keep us occupied!

hi suzy.. glad things are moving for you. were you a brave girl with your bloods? im dreading having mine done next week especially as my mum is a phlebotomist at the hosp and will probably enjoy sticking a needle in me!!! so what is the next step for you??

hi cinders!! how are you doing hun. i read your diary and am thinking of you and dh. think a diary is a fab idea to just get how you feel down. i think it stops you going mad!!

I ended up doing another long day yesterday as my ward mgr was ill and i didnt want to leave the other staff nurse on her own. i had to laugh though as one of my patients came out with another classic! i guess i never think of old people swearing but when i asked him where he was getting the pain he said "it's in me knob nurse" lmao!!!

i've still got those pains that i was whinging about the other day. i can only assume it's ovulation pain but it's never been this bad before. ive had it since day 8 (after af) and now i'm day14. does that sound right my cycle is about 24-28 days.

anyway, im waffling again.

hi to pand, laura (where are you hun), jenny (hope your feeling better) lainey-lou, sarey-lou and anyone else i've forgotten to mention.


lots of love


amanda xx


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## cinders35

Hello all,
Feeling bit mis today,   Don't even feel like moaning. not like me!!! Usually let you all have it at full force!           ! So count yourselves lucky!
Thinking of you all, and hoping you have released at least 2 eggs missyb with all this ovulation action! You will end up with at least twins!!!!!  
Love Cindersxxx 
p.s You been doing a rain dance?  Know any fertility dances?


----------



## missyb

aw hun soz you feel miz is it the 2ww doing your head in maybe i have got my rain dances and fertility dances mixed up coz it has done nothing but p*** down with rain all day!!! lol i will have a look on the net for fertility dances and we can practice them!! so get yer leggins out chick!! i will look like one of those hippo tots in a tutu but who cares!!! hope you are feeling better soon hun. mwah xx


----------



## missyb

Basic Fertility Dance Stance

Place your feet parallel (neither turned inward nor outward) about hip distance apart. Keep your pelvis relaxed, and your knees slightly flexed (not locked or rigid). Let the shoulders and arms also relax. Maybe it will help you to imagine a chair behind you: assume a posture as if you were about to sit down. Let your breath sink deeply into your abdomen and pelvis. Sense into the stance.

Monkey Business
From the basic fertility dance stance, exhale and bend down, letting your trunk rest on your thighs. Head and arms dangle easily onto the floor, palms up. Keep the knees soft and relaxed and at least partly bent. When you inhale, lift your right leg as if to take a step; the knee pushes up on the passive chest, the arm dangles. Exhale and step down; softly for fertility, with a stomp for initiating menstruation. Inhale and raise the left leg, pushing the chest up. Exhale as the foot returns to the floor.


tee hee found these on t'internet!! dp was phsl..

have fun. 

a xx


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## dizzyloo

I'm sure these would be most effective done naked with ones partner


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## emilycaitlin

Hi,

Sorry I've not posted much lately, have been reading each day though!  I've so much respect for how you are coping, dizzyloo, you are an inspiration.

Am feeling a bit emotional tonight, as have just found out that my sil is pregnant with her 2nd child.  They started trying for their first one, and had her in the whole time that we have been trying, and now it's been perfectly easy for them to have a 2nd.  It just seems so unfair.  I'm supposed to be meeting her next week for lunch, and I really don't think I can bring myself to.


----------



## dizzyloo

Hi Emily Caitlin
Other people's pregnancies is so tough. I always feel really ashamed of being so bitter, but you paste on the smile and make the right noises, while your guts are tieing themselves in knots. I cry every time someone tells me they are pregnant (never in front of them I might add!). I invariably avoid them for a few weeks and then their pregnancy just becomes a fact and the intial sting disappears. I must confess though I do see much less of my pregnant friends than I should! My DH did have some words of wisdom once. He said it's not their baby I want so why am I bothered that someone else is pregnant. Bit of a male perspective but there you go.

Thanks for the kind words. Am still crying most evenings, but I'm trying to think that it was better to have happenned sooner rather than later and at least  there is now a possibility of falling pregnant naturally. Although on the other hand it does make trying to decide what to do next more complicated.

Have a good weekend everyone


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## cinders35

Hi guys,
Emilycaitlin, understand the gut wrenching blow. Dizzyloo, wise words from DH! Trouble is it is our baby we are grieving for. I have even got a strop on with my future potential child, thinking along the lines of , "well, if you can't be bothered...."!!!  How mad is that? Maybe by next week the pain will have softened. It's just so tough.   

Dizzyloo, you are being so strong. Good to see you posting.  
Drownedgirl, thanks! Your message box is full you popular girl!!!  

Missyb, was feeling pant's. You made me       You are  !
Love ya!
Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

Back for my weekly post and I've a lot to catch up on.

EmilyCaitlin - my heart goes out to you.  I know exactly how you feel.  My sil gave birth at the beginning of June and my best friend is due in August.  It is our babies that we grieve for but it still hurts when you see other people being given what you so desperately want.  It makes you wonder what you have done to deserve all of this pain.  I know you don't begrudge her her children, none of us would because we wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but it's such a slap in the face.  I spent hours with my six week old nephew last weekend and loved every minute of being the doting aunty.  But when I came away, I just felt pain, a bit like when your heart was broken as a youngster.  It's a reminder of what you are missing.  The only advice I can give you is be honest with her.  Explain that you are really thrilled for her but that its painful for you and you will do your best to be supportive.  I'm sure she will more than understand.

Cinders - why so down flower?  Is it the 2ww, hormones or just this whole infertility thing.  You should rant away, its what we are here for so give it to us both barrels or else!

Dizzyloo - I cannot imagine how low you must be feeling.  To have that precious gift snatched away from you so cruelly.  I just don't understand life sometimes.  I really am sorry hun.  As for what you do now, its hard to help really.  If it were me I would probably go for the FET transfer next as its another step forward, but everyone is different.  I too worry about possible age gaps (my ds is 4 and half now), so its an extra pressure.  But I'm sure your little one won't care about any gaps when they are older.

Suzy - Another step forward flower.  My dh did his bloods this week and he sample and it's all good.  Got to do mine when I go for my induction chat next Friday.  As for the early learning goals let me know exactly what you want me to find out.  Is it the expected levels for you little one's age?  My best friend is worrying about exactly the same things, and as I said to her, it's very early days and I wouldn't worry too much just yet.  I'd be willing to bet they will be well up to speed by the time they reach the end of KS1.  Let me know what you want me to find out and I will do it for you (now that I've got six weeks to myself... hurrah!).

Missby - sounds like you are getting the same type of ov pains as me.  Take it as a good sign and get to lots of BMS!  Once again your patients made me laugh out loud.  You should definitely write a book!  


Now for the me update!!!!  Had a cr*p week!  Been mental at school, then hubby has been working away.  Felt really emotional early on the week (probably PMT), then got a call from Sainsbury's Bank (who we had applied for a loan with to pay for the IVF) to let me know we had been turned down.  I ended up in hysterical sobs in the toilets at work and one of the senior management team came to console me!  How embarrassing!  Have made an appointment now to see our building society to see if we can take some money out of the house, but I am not sleeping as we are in a financial mess as it is.  Can life get much worse... um ... oh yes  of course it can!  On the way home I popped into the supermarket where the woman behind us had a baby in a car seat and my little one said "I really want a baby mummy."  I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart.  Then when we got home, bless him, he said "Mummy, you're not going to burst into floods of crying are you?"  I told him I wasn't and asked him why he had said that and he said "Because sometimes, when you come home from work you burst into floods of crying."  That night, he came downstairs and found me bawling my eyes out on my hubby's shoulder.  

Then, last night, I dreamt that when I got to the clinic next Friday, they told me I would need another operation to remove my ovaries to avoid OHSS during the IVF and that hubby's swimmers had cancer!  I just feel so utterly miserable!  Not assisted by this awful weather.

Ah well, only six days until we go to the priory and I'm spending some of this week down in Devon with my folks for some R and R.  

Thats all (ha ha) for today.

Love to everyone else I haven't mentioned!

Amanda XXX


----------



## emilycaitlin

Thanks for all your support.  I spent last night crying it all out, and feel a bit better about it today.

Pand - I hope you can get some money for the treatment.  You must want to meet the bank manager and just shout at them for what they are stopping happening 

Cinders - Glad you're feeling brighter

dizzyloo - I'll try and remember what your dh say's, it does make sense.

missyb - Have you been trying the fertility dance?  

Hi to Suszy, nic and everyone else I haven't mentioned


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone, soz for the prolonged absence.

Suszy - so glad things are finally moving on for you, you must be very excited.  Sounds like the counsellor knows her stuff, it is good to talk to someone about things, just to clarify things in your own mind.

Cinders - I am thrilled to hear the treatment has been going really well.  I have everything crossed for you, I really hope it works and you have twins    Sorry you are feeling down at the moment, try not to worry and stay positive.  You've got a great chance.

Pand - sorry you have been feeling so down.  I completely concur with everything you have said and know that ache in the stomache only too well!  Sometimes it feels like I am so alone but coming on here makes me realise there are people who understand and are enduring the same torture as me.  Keep your chin up, there is still plenty of hope for you yet.

Emilycaitlin - sending you    .  It doesn't get any easier does it?  Every pregnancy I hear of sends me into a downwards spiral of depression.  I always think that when we do finally get our much longer for little ones, we will appreciate them that much more because they didn't come about easily.

Dizzylou - sorry to hear your sad news.  I know the heart ache of m/c so really feel for you.  At least you know you can get pregnant naturally - small consolation I know but something to be positive about.

Missyb - you make me laugh.  I am planning to try out the dance later, naked, whilst listening to Lionel Richie 

As for me........

Things are not good.  Tests, tests and more tests.  Have now been told that I have low ovarian reserves and that I should not hang around if I want IVF cos the old biological clock is ticking fast.  Told that a woman of my age having IVF would generally have a 25% chance of success - I, apparently, have a 10-15% chance.  Almost seems a waste of time trying.  Am going to the clinic Wed so they can talk me through the procedure and show me how to do the injections .  I am having low stim IVF which means they just stimulate in my natural cycle and hope to collect two eggs.  This means I can have treatment each cycle.  AF due on Thurs so hoping to start this cycle.  Not too optomistic though.  Why me?  Why are my eggs duds?  I am only 36.  Feeling very sorry for myself 

Hello to everyone I have forgotten.

Lainey x


----------



## hissie

to all. This fertility road is heavy going and I wish everyone happiness and the best of luck  

I'm still waiting for an initial appointment to see the IVF consultant. have no idea when I'll receive this appointment, and although I haven't waited long, it seems like an eternity. Hopefull, an appointment will arrive on my doorstep soon.


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!! hows it going? i did an ld yesterday and so i have been slobbing around the house. i must confess i still have my pj's on!! (the dirty tramp that i am lol!) there was lots to catch up on with the board!! we are all struggling a bit at the mo. i've been on here for about 5 mths now and i'm hooked but i think it's because i want to see how my ff's are doing. when things are going good i'm happy and when things aren't too good i feel it too.


hi dizzylou- doing the fertility dance naked apparently is the only way to do it lol!! i dont think so in my case.. not with my wobbly bot.. i can give myself a round of applause without using my hands!! i hope you are well hun. Crying is good, it helps you to let it all out. big hugs 2 u xx

hi pand- omg hun you sound so down, just want to give you a big squeeze. u have sooooo much on your plate. i can totally understand the financial issues. i know that i'd never be in the position to afford ivf and with my credit history (long story) i doubt i'd ever get a loan.. so i'm clinging at the hope that i can ttc naturally. the dream is just your subconscious acting out, and it's not suprising that the if issue is a major thing on your mind at the mo especially with your appt so near. i hope that you have a better week hun.. glad my patients escapades make you laugh. they were behaving themselves yesterday which makes a change lol!! thinking of you hun xx

emily-caitlin- hi ya.. im glad you are feeling a bit better. i had a run of it a couple of weeks ago where 2 of the girls at work announced they were pregnant. 1 was trying the other wasnt. one of them is still smoking arrrrgh. it must be harder when it is a member of the family because they must be harder to avoid. the only consolation is that you know from our posts that we have all been in a similar position to u and we can relate to how you feel. i know im a sad muffin.. but in my head i've thought about how i'd tell dp, my girls and my close friends.. sometimes i wonder though if i'm going to get my chance to do so... 

hi cinders!!! i've been keeping up to date with your 2ww. glad the fertility dance stuff cheered you up. i read on one of the threads that orange is a good colour for fertility and one of the girls swears by plain orange knickers.. so i think it's barry white, orange knickers and the fertility dance for us lot!!

hi lainey-lou!! glad your back hun u were missed xx 15% is still a chance hun so dont lose faith. hope your appt on wed goes well, will be thinking of you. lionel ritchie is a good choice 2 4 the fertility dance.dp has an orange t-shirt so im going to wash it wiv my white knickers and download some lionel and see if he is better than barry!! i'm 34 and at times feel like i'm tooooo old.. but from now on it's pma for all of us!


hi suzy- how are you doing hun?? hope all ok with you.

hi hissie- it may take a while for your appt to come through but dont give up hope hun. hope you are ok though xx


i hope i havent missed anyone. i'm ok just have to go for my bloods on wednesday which im dreading. i'm going to get my friend to do them for me. i'm nervous as im scared that the problems will be with me. 

anyway, i've waffled on long enough. love u all


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

oh girls
looks like we all need lots of             
so sorry everyone is feeling so down and I can completely undersstand each and everyone of your comments and heartache and pain.
I am going to have to keep this quick as ds has just come in and wants to go bowling so am going to take him now but its been a few days since I have been on and just wanted to say HI to you all.

Missby sorry that you keep having such lds and there is nothing wrong with having your pjs on all day, I love doing that just hope no one calls around and when you are on day two of the same pjs having not taking them off from 2 nights previous thats when one needs to worry!!!  Yes we all like to be on here and see how we are all doing and just be here for each other.  good luck with having your bloods done next Wed.  loving your dances but not sure if I could do them esp not naked!  Good luck with having your blood taken for tests and imagine your mum doing it - how weird.

Dizzylou- hope you are feeling a little better and don;t worry about crying it should make you feel better, its really hard and painful and although time does make it slightly better its still incredibly painful and we will probably never get over the loss but as we all do we have to pick ourselves up and brush ourselves down and try and get on with life as best we can.  Again due to this wonderful website you can share that ache with others and we are here for you.  Sending you lots of love and healing and keep posting.

Pand - I am so sorry to here about the loan being turned down and really hope you manage to get the money from the build soc, I think its so unfair we have to pay for all our tx when millions of people are getting all sorts of benefits for all sorts of things, I know there are lots of genuine people getting benefits and I am not saying anything against these it just seems so unfair that we have to keep forking out for tx.  I bet you are glad that term is over and I am sure its been really manic for you and now you will get a well deserved break. re elg found out a bit more when I went to see the teacher which was good but may sort some questions out for you if you are sure you don't mind - thanks really appreciate that, also hope you enjoy your six weeks off but it goes so quickly!
Sorry about your dreams but hopefully its just your subcons processing your fears etc and that they have all been put away.
Your Ds sounds such a lovely sensitive boy and it probably makes you even worse when he says to you about crying, I know they pick up on everything and they also have such long memories that they will remind you when you least want to.  its nice that he can voice what he wants though and its lovey and shows that he wants one as much as us whereas I think some people think we are doing just for ourselves.  Sorry you have been so down again honey an its completely understandable esp with the op you have been through and now the money for the tx.  Just keep giving you dh and ds lots of cuddles and hopefully you will soon feel better.  so good luck for your appt on Friday and please let us know how you get on as we will be thinking of you.
have a lovely few days in Devon - where abouts are your folks as my dad lives in Devon and my mum as I have said in somerset so will be going down there a few days/weeks myself in aug.  Good luck with everything sweetheart, our counsellor was raving about the Priory and she works there as well!  take care and keep your chin up, we are all here for you.

emily caitlin, don;t worry about not posting too much, we all know that sometimes we just like to read and not post but we are all still thinking and supporting each other, its always hard when we learn of other preg and no matter how pleased we are for the person its still incredibly painful and a lot of it depends on how they handle us.  I wish it got easier but it does not and there will always be people getting preg and its always going to hurt and I wish I could ease the pain for all of us.  Hopefully our friends understand that sometimes its just too painful to spend time with them and that it is not personal.

Hissie, your appt will be here soon but yes it feels like forever and all the waiting does get one down when we just want to get on with it.  Try and keep yourself occupied with doing nice things.

lainey-lou good to hear from you sweetheart- good luck with the appt on wed and hope this tx goes well for you, its very hard I know and I really hope this works out for you, will keep everything crossed for you and good luck with learning about inj, you will be able to tell me all about it as I will be a couple of months behind you!  Hope you feel bit brighter soon.

Cinders - so sorry that you are feeling a little down but its understandable with the 2ww and we knew that the second week was going to be hard, try and keep your chin up sweetheart and be positive, can you so some nice things this week ,treat yourself to a new hair do, manicure or some shopping, you just need to brighten yourself up and I am sure in a few days you will have good news. as ever keeping everything crossed for you    
good luck sweetheart.  

HI to sarylou and nic and honeyprincess and jenny- how are you doing
hope I have not forgotten anyone
love and support to each and everyone one of you

right girls really must go now and thinking of you all and wishing you all so much luck and love and healing and support
this is a long hard journey but at least we have each other to keep ourseves company.
we are all here for each other through thick and thin
hope it all makes sense but by ds getting impatient now to go out
have some nice things booked and a few days out, visits, meeting up, weekends away and a few trips down south so should be good , trying to make the most of having this special time with ds but then have just spent most of the day catching up on here and on the phone so need to concentrate on him now.
will be back again soon girls
love and luck

Susie


----------



## cinders35

Hi guy's,
Not been posting a whole lot. Feeling quite negative about outcome of this cycle. All in 2ww diary if you can face it!!! But just wanted to let you know that I am still reading and thinking of you all. Just not able to post too much at mo.  
Love your fertility friend,
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

morning ladies! how are we doing? had another ld yesterday and im still pooped! ah well the girls are at their cousins today so i have peace for a few hours to buy dd a birthday present. hope you are all ok.

hope everything goes ok 2moz lainey-lou.

big hugs cinders xx


hi to everyone else love u all!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Just wanted to say good luck tommorrow to missyb for your bloods.   
Hope the appointment goes well Lainey. Thanks for the pm, I appreciate it!   Don't worry about injections, they will be fine! Just have fun, and pretend you are sexy nurse like me and missyb!!   
Thanks for your kind words Suz.
It's really lovely having you guys rooting for me!
Love to everyone,
Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Well that a bit bizarre I'm a nurse as well so that makes three of us.

Went back to work yesterday. All was going well until I got off the train and started walking up the road and it occurred to me that the last time I was walking up this road I was pregnant and by the time I cam home that day I wasn't. ( miscarrying at work... not recommended). Still at least I have been not pregnant for longer than I was now.. if that makes sense.

RE: the money thing. Personally I would advocate borrowing against your house, whats the point of paying off your mortgage on time if you only end up with an empty house. One suggestion is to extend the term of your mortgage (if you have one, I'm now making a bit of an assumption) which means you can borrow more. Trouble is if after all this not only do you end up without kids but skint as well

I really want to say how much FF has helped and thank-you everyone for your kind words.  I've never done this sort of thing before but for the first time in 18 months I don't feel like I'm the only person in this situation. You really are stuck in the middle if you already have children because I have a couple of friends who can't have kids at all, and I feel guilty talking to them because I have a child. Friends who have kids I can't talk to because I'm insanely jealous of anyone who is pregnant or even has the possibility of getting pregnant, and people without kids don't understand any of it!

I hope everyone waiting for appointments and pregnancy tests are okay.


----------



## missyb

morning all!! just checking in. wanted to say good luck to lainey-lou. hope your appt goes well.

dizzyloo.. spooky eh that the 3 of us are nurses! ur mc wasnt that long ago hun and it must be so hard that all of those memories are so fresh. ican totally relate to how you feel about being stuck in the middle. i'm lucky enough to have 2 children so i feel mean as there are so many people who are desperate for their first, then again i have friends who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and i cant bring myself to face these ones.. i feel a bit inadequate. does that make sense?

hi cinders!! glad we dont have webcam.. i'd disprove the whole sexy thing... my one size fits all nite shirt, mad bad frizzy hair and skin that no amount of slap could improve!! hope your 2ww going ok hun.  anyway, i'm off to get ready for my bloods.


catch up later. love to you all... btw i bought an orange t-shirt yesterday... am i getting desperate


love


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

I was desperate months ago, am dressed head to toe in orange!!!!!!   
Actually, going to go and do my nails orange as well...
Byeeeeeeee....
Love Cindersxxx              
p.s Just spotted the diary, like it!!!!


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girlies

Thank you for all your good wishes.  It means a lot.

I had my appointment yesterday.  Came out with a bagful of drugs and I much lighter purse   They sure make a lot of money out of us desperate women, don't they!!  I am officially on the IVF rollercoaster now.  I did my first injection last night.  It took me ten minutes to get up the courage.  First attempt I pierced the skin and then chickened out - a globule of blood came to the surface so i had to lay down for a while to recover.  Second go, no messing around straight in and pushed the plunger.  Had to lay on the bed for about 15 minutes until I was sure I wouldn't faint.  What a wuss!  Husband offered to do it but I was even more nervous about him doing it.

Missyb - how did you get on?

Has anyone read Cinders diary?  She said she was spotting yesterday, I hope she is okay.  Has anyone heard from her?  I pmed her yesterday but haven't heard from her.  Cinders - let us know you are ok, I am worried about you.

dizzyloo - how are you now?  Are you feeling any better?  Time will help I am sure.

Hi to everyone else.  Just a short one today, at my desk eating my lunch.

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

hi lainey-lou i was thinking about you yesterday. it sucks that the clinics take advantage of our desperation. this should all be available on the nhs for  free. we spend years paying into it and then when we need help the only way you can get seen to any time this century is by paying privatley.. ok rant over. you were brave with the injections.. i dont think i could do it even though i inject people every day! thanks for your thoughts and good luck wishes. i had my bloods done yesterday by my mum. i should get the results at the w.end... then i guess it's back on here to ask everyone what the results mean!

i have been reading cinders 2ww diary and like you i'm worried as i've pm'd her too and didnt hear back. im just hoping she is busy busy and hasnt had a chance to reply. could it be implantation bleeding


anyway, hi to everyone else pand, suzy, emily-caitlin, teena, laura etc.


love

amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Lainey lou - glad the appt went well and agree about them taking money from desparate women its a crime, sorry the injections so painful etc and good luck for the rest I must admit that I am not looking forward to them either and am a bit of a wuzz about them.  hope rest tx goes well.

Missby - hope you ok sure you could inject yourself if you needed to but then having to inject others would put me off.

I too read Cinders diary and sent her a pm and she has not written anything to day and I too am worried about her.
All we can do is be here for you and cinders darling please come back on and post.  we are here for you and send you lots of love and kisses and support but if you need time we understand as well.

HI to all the other girls too Pand, emily caitlin, teena, dizzy lou - hope you ok? hissie, jenny and sarylou
laura - how are you not heard from you for a while

I won't be long as have a couple of girls coming around as one is leaving the country so am spending the night in the company of the other world but does not mean I will not miss my website or speak about it without mentioning the name as its such a big part of my life now.  I was reading a mag called RED today and it had an article on how these forums are becoming so popular and real lifelines to people and how we are internet forum friends or should I be saying buddies and how we all tell each other such intimate stuff but we don't necessairly want our friends and family on the outside world to read what we write!

must go and see you soon - am away sat night so might not be for a while although will check to see if anything from cinders.

take care my sweets
 
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

You guys are the best!!!
Thanks so much for worrying about me. I am ok! Bl**dy pi**ed off but such is life!
It's too late for implantation bleeding guys, and is same as last time. I made it two hours past last cycle, so I guess that could be classed as progress?! I am 99%, actually 99.9% sure is over, but will keep on with bottom bullets bit longer.
Oh bath time, will pop back later!
Love Cindersxxx

19.35hrs.
Dd bathed, and having her stories with dp.
So basically, our dream is over for a bit longer. Suppose there is always a chance it will happen naturally, but after trying for so long, I doubt it. I wonder why those little embies don't/can't implant? If only I could know, it would make it easier.
I wonder about another cycle, should we carry on? Or like Lainey go down the natural/low stimm IVF route? They mentioned a laparoscopy at our last review appointment if this treatment failed, should we try that? See if they can see any reason? I am full of questions as you can see. I'm a girl that needs a plan, even if the plan is to do nothing!!!
Your support means the world to me, and your p.m's were fab to log onto today, I'm sorry if I worried you! Just decided to get on with things, and went to buy dd school uniform. God, had to go to clarkes, which is in mothercare of all places!!!!!!! Full of pg women!!! I felt like approaching each and everyone and tell them how lucky they were!!! 
Anyway, thanks again,
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi cinders im so sorry that you are p***ed off!!! this whole if thing is a big fat hairy bunch of old boll**
i really hope that there is a chance for you this cycle.. if not hun you have to keep going.. no matter wot. of course we worry about you.. we worry about each other.. thats what is so cool about this site. over x amount of months we have developed a relationship and like suzy said we tell each toher things that we wouldnt want our family or friends to know, we understand what each other is going through. for that im v gratful.

amanda xxx  for us all


----------



## missyb

hi cinders think our msgs crossed... yes sounds like you do need a plan hun... but it aint over till the fat lady sings and i havent started yet hun!!! xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Evening all

Cinders - good to hear from you mate.  I am relieved that you are ok, you are very brave.  I agree with missyb - it is a load of boll**.  Why us?  I want to stamp my feet and shout "NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR".  In fact, I might go and do that now    I really had high hopes for you this time.  I agree with what you said about wanting to know why they didn't stay -  you would think that when they have fertilised and been put back in nothing could go wrong.  If only it were that simple.  We would all have about ten kids   Keep going, you've got loads of time yet and as you have unexplained IF it could still happen naturally, stranger things have happened.

I had to do TWO injections tonight.  Felt sick all day.  Not sure if it was as a result of the injection last night or the anticipation of doing two tonight.  Anyway, was absolutely fine.  Just scared about the side effects now, I am   enough. Don't feel very positive about the chances, if Cinders can't get a positive what chance do I have with my dodgy eggs 

Enjoy your weekend Suzy.  I am going to Norfolk for the weekend, we have a holiday home there and don't go as much as we should so determined to go this weekend.

Speak to you when I get back.

Love 

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

Hello Ladies,

Cinders have you read "is your body baby friendly?" by Alan Beer. Its quite medical but I found it really useful and certainly helps you start asking the right questions. I'm actually under two consultants at the moment and they both have differing opinions regarding the whole immunology testing thing. However after I miscarried one of them said that should I fall pg again or do IVF again I should start on clexane(heparin), aspirin and prednisolone. I've had tests for thromphillia, thyroid antibodies, lupus and am just waiting for the results of my natural killer cells test.. So far so good all the results have been normal but you can go even further and have an even more detailed blood work up  through www.rialab.com and they will check your clotting cascades by sending your samples to AMERICA!!!! Like you say how far do you go and when is enough. Mine have been fine, I've had a lap which was all clear yet still can't get/stay pg

At DD's dance class this morning and a woman was complaining about still feeling sick at 8 months, what any of us wouldn't give for 8 months of nausea!!!


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! how are we today?? 

big hugs to cinders.. read your 2ww diary and shed a tear or 2 for you.. big hugs and kisses xx

hi dizzloo- that book sounds fab... i dread to think what it would say about my body!!!

i need HELP!!!! i got one of the girls at work to look up my blood results but as predicted i dont have a clue what they mean!! ok here goes


LH = 11.7
FSH = 4.4
progesterone = 64.7
TSH = 1.31


i'm none the wiser! i have no idea if that is good bad or indifferent!


hope that you are all well..


love to all


amanda xx


----------



## TC2

Hi missy-b  are they day 2/3 bloods - can help a bit if i know when in cycle they were taken...

Teena


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

I'm going to apologise in advance, this is going to be a really selfish post.  Cinders before I start blathering on I am still hoping that it works out for you.  You have been incredibly brave and sound so strong.  I will try to help with your questions when I'm in a better place I promise.  Keep smiling sweetie.

Had a lovely week in Devon, but AF was due to arrive on Tuesday morning.  It didn't come.  My temperatures stayed up and by Thursday I was going just a little stir crazy so I did a test (something I haven't done for over a year as usually AF arrives in time to answer my questions!).  Amazingly it came back positive!  I couldn't believe it.  We hadn't even really tried this month because we knew we had the IVF appointment on Friday.  Initially I was over the moon, but my cons words after my op were ringing in my ears..."if you conceive naturally there is a chance it may be ectopic."  So I phoned my cons on Thursday afternoon.  He wouldn't be drawn on how likely it was but suggested I come in on Friday morning for some blood tests as it is too early to scan.  So I spent yesterday morning at the hospital having blood taken, and I've got to go back on Monday and Wednesday for two more.  I won't have any idea until Thursday as to whether this is ectopic or not, but my cons seemed very cagey.

I am  in such a state.  I've been having occasional mild pains on my right hand side and I just know this pregnancy is ectopic.  After trying for so long I'm going to be faced with the decision to kill the baby I so desperately want and I won't be able to have IVF for three months afterwards.  I know I'm sounding really negative and ungrateful, but I just know this isn't going to work out.  I can't believe life can be so cruel.  And to top it all off, I've just had a new mobile phone turned down because of my credit rating, so something is wrong and I just don't have the strength to sort it all out.

I just want to sit and howl.  This is going to be an awful couple of weeks.

Sorry for the selfish post.

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Oh Pand!
I'm sorry, but I just can't help feeling excited that you have a bfp!!!!!!!Now this is one hurdle over. The next is obviously whether pregnancy is in the right place. The consultant wouldn't be drawn in, because he wouldn't know yet. There is a chance that it could be ectopic, but there is also a chance that it will be in the right place!!!! You have DS!
Now if your fears are confirmed, and it is ectopic, you are not killing your baby. The pregnancy would not end in a baby, and you would have to have surgery to save YOUR life, you have to think about DH, and DS. I don't mean this to sound harsh, hope it doesn't.
Just try to stay sane! And lets just hope and pray that the embryo has implanted in the right place. Think about it, it's highly possible!!!!! 
Well done you guys, I hope you have got it all wrong and it's not ectopic!
  
OMG a natural bfp!!!! How clever are you!
Here for you should you wish to rant further!
Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## hissie

for Pand & Cinders. I really feel for you both!

Stay positive Cinders and do only what you think you can handle in the way of treatment. Stressful situations don't help when you are ttc, so if you feel you can't take fertility treatment for a while, then don't. Nothing to stop you trying naturally & you never know your stress levels might lower and you may, fingers crossed, fall pregnant.  

Pand, don't give up yet. Your instincts could be saying one thing but reality could be another thing altogether. I would've though that if you consultant was so sure it was ectopic, he would have admitted you for surgery. 

Love and best wishes to everyone  

It's looking like it's going to be a while before I receive an initial appointment, but I'm glad in one respect as I have other family issues happening at the mo which really demand my full attention. If I get an appointment soon, I'll still keep it and see the consultant as no doubt the waiting list for treatment will be an eternity and I'll be too old to try to conceive.


----------



## drownedgirl

Cinders, I'm so sorry.

And Pand, i hope your fears are unfounded!


----------



## missyb

omg!! i'm not on for one day and so much happens!!

oh pand honey.. i dont know what to say.. like cinders i was just excited that you got a bfp!! for once i hope you are wrong and that this pregnancy is in the right place. please keep us posted. i have fingers toes and everything else i can cross for you crossed. my thoughts are wiv you and ur dh hun. xx

hi cinders hun. how are you doing? i will have a sneaky at your 2ww diary 2 catch up.

hi hissie hope your family stuff going on is nothing too serious and stressfull. hopefully you wont have too long to wait for your initial appt hun. xx


hi teena thanks for replying the bloods were for my cd 21.. (well for me it was cd 19 as my cycle is shorter). from what i've looked up i think it's ok.. but i get different answers everywhere i look!!


hi to suzy, drownegirl, dizzylou, lainey, honey princess and everyone else i've missed but not forgotten.



amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi there everyone...  Its nice to be able to talk to people who are going through the same battle as us.....  Have felt very alone over the past few months. We've just been told my fallopian tubes are now clear (I persuaded my consultant to perform another laporoscopy) after being told 6 months ago they were so blocked I would probably never be able to have any more children, so am over the moon.  Am seriously hoping we will be able to egg share cos we cant afford IVF and after 4 years we are both so tired of waiting.


----------



## missyb

hi nanook!! thats fab news. we are lovely on here (im sooo modest) and you've come to the right place for advice,tlc and a shoulder to cry on on those not very good days. welcome!!


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Thank you. For the first time in ages Ive been given real hope. Ive another hospital appointment on the 10th August (my consultant is kinda bending over backwards for me at the moment cos Ive had a real *****y experience at my clinic and ended up with no option other than to make a formal complaint to the hospital) - Im so hoping we will be ok for this egg donation!!! Keep em crossed for us wont you!?!!?? can someone do that bubble blowing thingy for me cos I havent got any at the mo!!!  thank you xxx


----------



## dizzyloo

One bubble on its way to be followed by many more no doubt!

You have definately come to the right place. This has been my lifeline for the last few weeks.


----------



## nanook

Thanks Dizzyloo I blew some for you in return!!! x


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Nanook - welcome to the board. This site has been an absolute godsend over the past eighteen months and stopped me from going completely loopy.  IF is a lonely experience, but on here you realise you are not on your own and everyone on this thread has been absolutely fantastic.  Hopefully we will be able to give you as much support as I've had!  Good news about your appointment.  I will keep my fingers crossed.  I'm another one with dodgy tubes so I know how you feel!!!!

Cinders - have looked at you diary hun, and am waiting for today's update.  I'm  sorry I didn't really give you the support I would have liked to on Saturday, I was just in a pants state!  I was only chatting to my best friend's sister yesterday who had IVF just over 18months ago.  She spotted towards the end of her two week wait and then found out she was pregnant with twins.  I know that doesn't help you very much, but it doesn't necessarily mean the end of the line.  When are you doing a test?  I will be thinking of you flower.

To everyone else, my apologies for such a negative post on Saturday, I was just feeling so down.  I've been up and down ever since.  I know I should be over the moon about my BFP and it must seem very selfish to be moaning about my lot when I've been blessed with that news.  It's just the not knowing I guess.  I've been ricocheting between being convinced it's ectopic which will mean no IVF til November and thinking it just might be ok.  I so desperately hope it is all ok and this waiting for test results is awful, but I'm keeping busy in an attempt to keep my mind off things.  It would be such a miracle if it's a normal pregnancy and so perfect, I just worry its too good to be true and after my luck over the last two years I'm just not sure I'm that lucky!!!!  Ah well,  it's given me an excuse to pig my face after seven months of dieting.  I can't hit the bottle, so I'm hitting the coffee cake instead!!!

I will keep you all posted of any news.  Thanks for listening.

Amanda


----------



## nanook

Im feeling quite emotional at finaly being able to talk to people who actually understand what Im going through to be honest........... Like all of a sudden Im not alone.  

Pand - thanks for your kind words and you are pregnant thats great news!!!


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!!!

 is due in 2 days and im feeling like this mth is going to be like the 10 preceeding it! boo hoo.

hi pand how are you doing darling? how did your blood test go? i cant believe that you wont find out untill towards the end of the week! hope you and dh are keeping it together. thinking of you hun xx

hi cinders like pand i've been keeping up to date with your diary and im looking forward to the next update.


i went to see my best friends baby today. she (baby) was besotted with dp and him with her.. just seeing them together made me ache. i so want to be able to give him the baby that he wants and yet for now it seems to be the last thing i can. anyway, did take some mean comfort from the fact that her usually museum like house looked like a bomb had gone off in it!!! 

anyway, love to you all


amanda xx


----------



## ♥samonthemoon♥

Hiya girls!!

Sorry to barge in on ur thread but i just wanted to wish missyb loads of luck and positive vibes  here you go..... [fly]                  [/fly]

Loving ur diary hun.... mine's gone a bit  with this whole being late but not knowing if that's to be expected malarky!!! Playing the old waiting game now! 
Loads of luck to everyone else on the thread in their 2ww 

Sam xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Welcome to the madhouse Nanook!  Full of tears and laughter!!! But I think we would all agree, a complete godsend to us in our fairly unusual predicament!
Pand, been thinking about you lots, really hoping and praying your embryo has found its way into uterus. Couldn't consultant have left some directions in there when he did laparoscopy?!   Probably not helping am i?!   Here, take these hun    
Missyb, thanks for your pm's, you stalking me again?!  Keep hoping hun, you never know your luck. You have some too, got a job lot....   
Think you probably can guess my result, no big surprise with the dreaded spotting.. BFN. Testing was a formality today. I know my body so well, that I knew result at that first bit of spotting. Haven't done my diary yet, so better go and finish it.
Love to all, and thanks so much for all your help and support. DP would have had much harder time if I hadn't had you!!!!
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

aw cinders so sorry about yor bfn.. even dp said to me has cinders tested yet? lol even he is getting addicted to here.. im not too hopeful to be honest. apart from boobs that ms anderson would be jealous of i have no real symptoms. of course im stalking you again hun!!! we are both in need of a psyche review so we are good company!!!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hey mr missyb,
Thanks for thinking of me. Do me a favour and keep that woman of yours under control!!!!    
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
sorry have not been on for a few days was away sat for the night and out on Sunday.
not really sure where to start

Hi and welcome to nanook and you will be right at home here.  You will never be alone on this thread and website, we are like on big family.

Pand - darling not sure what to say as am over the moon that you have a bfp but can quite understand your worries and lets hope you are just being over cautious and roll on Thursday so you can know a bit more.  Not sure how you are coping with this waiting and worrying esp at a time when you should be escatic.  I am so sure its going to be ok but do understand you concerns, am so excited for you but also nervous and just want to know the result.  i cannot believe they can make you wait so long either.
How clever to get a bfp though and glad you had a lovely week in devon. Not sure how you are getting through the days but do keep posting and we cannot wait to hear.  Really don't know how you are not pulling your hair out.


Cinders so sorry it is a BFN and glad you have come back to post as we were so worried about you but you are a very strong woman and we all love you and as you know we are here for you always.  I can also quite understand why you need a plan think we are all the same like that.  Have you had any more thoughts on what is next?

Missby - Well done for going to see your friends baby and I know what you mean about seeing men with babies there is something about it that is so touching.  hope Af does not come but you know what a b i t ch she is.  sorry cannot help with blood results as don't really understand them either.

Lainey- you are being so brave re your injections so proud of you.  hope you had a good weekend in Norfolk, its good to have weekends away and little breaks.  How did you manage with the inj whilst you were away?  Good luck with rest.

dizzy lou- lets hope you consultants can help you! Is the dance class ballet?? Is it still on in the hols?

Hissie - hope family stuff not too bad as sometimes we really don't need the pressure of family problems when we are trying to deal with IF issues.

Drowned girl - How are you?  Think FET was over the weekend or today?? any news keep us posted.

Hi to everyone else and I will be back on again soon to catch up with you all.

Thinking of you all (and fingers crossed Pand)

love

susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girlies

Just a quickie.

Thanks Suzy for the support.  I am coping ok with the injections, don't like them obviously but needs must!!!

Cinders - so sorry about the BFN.  You seem to be bearing up well.  Have you thought about what's next?

Pand - go girl!!! Whatever happens you have got a BFP.  I have everything crossed for you.  And if you can get a BFP naturally there is obviously not much wrong with you so even it if is an ectopic you will have a really good chance with IVF if you know what I mean.  I hope the tests come back with good news, we need some on here.  I have to admit though, there is a tiny part of me that is a bit jealous.  Is it bad of me to admit that?  Sorry, I'm only human.

Missyb - the cd21 test is testing for elavated levels of progesterone to show ovulation - I think your levels are about right so that is good news.

Hi to Hissie and Dizzyloo.

I will come back later when I have more time.  Nothing to report on me really; stomach looks like a dart board and feeling hormonal and emotional but apart from that, same old, same old.......

Speak soon

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

Morning girls
Hope you are alright Pand, if ever the power of positive thinking could get that little embie in the right place then lets keep hoping. we are all right behind you. It did occur to me after Cinders comment about the directions, that hopefully if its a girl it will have asked for directions. I hope you don't mind the odd wisecrack.
Cinders, you are being so strong. Don't forget if theres anywhere that you can rant it's here. You don't always have to do the supporting let us look after you too. Is there a difference in how you feel when it's your second attempt? Maybe because the first time it doesn't work you can't quite believe it, we all hope we will be in the lucky thirty percent. i guess the second time round you realise that the possibility of it not working is real. Anyway thinking of you.
Hey Lainey-Lou, glad to hear you are coping with the injections, hopefully not too much longer now.

My DH finally told me he thought I was losing the plot, and would I mind not doing that on top of everything else. i have to confess I am spending far too much time researching this thing, looking for answers where there just isn't any. But I have decided today that I have to try and find something else in my life. So I'm either going to take on an allotment, or do a plumbing course at an evening class. Any other suggestions to avoid the relentless search for the miracle cure?


----------



## missyb

hi ya one and all!!!

cinders!! mr missyb says hi and not much chance of controlling me lol!! how are you doing today hun??
dizzy hun i soooo know what you mean about the whole if thing. it can be all consuming. i spend hours researching looking for something that gives me answers... have you thought about belly dancing?? my friend is trying to drag me along. she says its good fun... i have the belly and it can do a dance of it's own without me even moving!!!


hi lainey!! how you doing hun?? im sorry that you are feeling emotional etc.. blame it on the hormone circus big   from me hun xx

i'm tired and emotional today. financially we are up said creak without a padding implement!!!! i have a feeling af b i t c h that she is is preparing to put in an appearance tomorrow just to add insult to injury.. one day im going to make sure im out so that she misses me!! lol.. if i didnt laugh i'd cry!!

pand- hope you are ok hun.. thinking of you.

hope you are all well


amanda xx


----------



## drownedgirl

Hi all, quick note from me as I am exhausted after ET today. Will be resting tomorrow so will post properly. pics and report on my blog

x


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
I am doing ok after my bfn. Actually feeling quite positive, though I'm sure I may come crashing down at some point! So Dizzyloo, prepare yourself to bear the brunt of my moaning when that happens!!!! 
My main problem today is that I have tonsillitis!!!! I feel so pants, honestly! DD at nursery, and me off sick.  
Hope you are all ok?
Pand, good luck for results. Tommorrow is it?
Lainey, how are injectons going? Are they stimm injections?
Well done drownedgirl, keeping everything crossed.
Love to everyone,
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
Hope you are doing ok

Pand - any news - how are you feeling - sending you lots of love and luck and we all have our fingers crossed.  let us know when you know more.  Think thrusday is d day so let us know how you get on. thinking of you as ever.    

drowned girl - glad et went well and do take plenty of rest - this is your turn and it will work.  Will read your blog as not seen it for a while.  the best of luck and love to you too.  
 

Lainey - sorry the injections are so painful but as you say its all in a good cause and of course its alright to admit you are a bit envious as we are all only human but also on this thread we also just want each other to get preggers - that is what is so nice about it all.  so hope this works for you. 

cinders - you are setting us such a good example and you are so brave and I take my hat off to you and I really hope that its third time lucky - you are amazing and if there is anything we can do to help you then you know where we are.  

dizzylou- its perfectly normal to spend hours on here and trying to find things to help (have I sent you the article cannot remember who I have to now) and sometimes you might find you spent hours and hours each night and then another time you might not come on for a while.  Some of your suggestions sound a bit extreme what about the following instead to ease you off slowing
1  lovely hot bath with bubbles  2) read a book/mag      3) go for a walk/exercise    4) cinema (hairspray is good)  5) dvd/video
any one day courses you can find - I love doing night classes but when it gets to nov I really struggle. good luck 

missby  sorry you feeling bit tired and emotional and its bound to happen some days when everything gets on top of us esp when af around the corner.  sending you lots of love and cuddles and hope you feel better soon.  not much I can do about the money situation but I did have an idea the other day that I need to write to Tony about!  take care  

Hissie - how are you sweetheart- how is the family doing? 

nanook - how are you doing too sweetheart  

teena- how are you doing 

love and luck as ever to you all.
love
Susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone

No news from Pand? 

Sorry AF is about to arrive Missyb.  What a bummer!  Maybe one day she will forget to come or lose our addresses, that would be good.

Cinders - glad to hear you are ok.  Have you decided what to do next?  I am having low stim IVF in a short cycle, ie in my natural cycle.

Drownedgirl - good luck for this cycle, I hope it goes well this time.

Suzy - not long now until your treatment, are you getting nervous/excited?

I had a scan today which revealed 5 mature looking follicles, they seem to think I am ripe for the picking already so tonight I have to do my HCG (of whatever it is called) injection and have my egg collection booked for Friday.  It all seems to be moving so fast.  After waiting so long to get treatment now it seems to be whizzing past.  Does 5 follicles sound good?  They seemed to think it was good and said I had responded well.  I have only had low stim so I was only expecting three at most.  I was really pleased today but now feel a bit flat.  I know the odds are stacked against me and don't want to get my hopes up - there may not be any eggs inside, they may not fertilise, they may not stick, etc, etc.

Also, I have heard today that the government are planning to change the law on donation so that it should state on a child's birth certificate if they were conceived with an ED/SD.  It has really upset me as we are thinking of ED if this doesn't work and I would really object to it being on their birth certificate for all to see, I think it is something very personal that the parent should be able to discuss with the child when the time is right.  It makes me angry that the gov want to get involved in every aspect of our lives and interfere in this deeply emotive and sensitive issue.  What about all the women who go out at the weekend and sleep with a random man and put their husband on the birth certificate as the father of their child?  Are all women going to be asked to do paternity tests to prove the id of the father?  As if all this wasn't hard enough without this sort of spanner in the works. I thought I had it all planned out and now I am not sure I want to go down this route under these circumstances.  What a croc!

Sorry, I have rambled.

News on Pand would be good.

Lainey x


----------



## drownedgirl

I don't think that bit of the bill has general support

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6924615.stm


----------



## dizzyloo

What article is that suzy? If you could send it that would be great.
Fingers and everything else crossed for lainey-lou and lets hope all is well with pand. Maybe no news is good news

Hope you are keeping those embies nice and warm drowned girl. Did you have a medicated cycle, or natural. We are planning on FET in November so wondered what your thoughts were.

AS for the government, well it seems like they don't want to have pay for any of it yet they then feel they can start dictating the terms and putting up yet more hurdles. One does begin to wonder if this is some kind of conspiracy to control the population size. I have to admit its a subject I could bang on about for hours. They won't pay for any of my treatment because I already have a child despite the fact she was concieved naturally and given the fact I have worked in the NHS for 16 years and have done enough unpaid overtime to pay for it 10 times over. RARRRGGGHH

Anway happy thoughts for everyones ovaries!


----------



## nanook

Sorry Pand got the to wrong end of the stick didnt mean come accross as insensitive hun Im new to all of this and need to have a good old read at the meanings of all the abbreviations - good luck for tom x


----------



## nanook

Hi SusZy Im ok thanks - had a heated conversation with my consultants medical secretary this morning as although last friday me and DH were feeling positive about all of this we have, again, come to yet another hurdle already. Ive already made a formal complaint about the way we've been treated which I thought had been resolved last week, and I'm already being messed around again!!!  getting fed up feeling as if hospital couldnt give a t*ss to be honest, although cant fault my actual consultant he's great!  Feel like Im constantly banging my head against a brick wall with the rest of the hospital though - every test I try to have done etc.....  

Sorry - rant over Im just getting really impatient I soppose. I want to see something actually happening like this egg share thing being put into motion or something, and although getting pregnant is def closer since appointment last week, it still seems so far away.

Today I just want to sit around and cry to be honest


----------



## nanook

And then I just feel guilty for this cos Ive got a perfect little boy and I feel like Im being totally selfish and awful.


----------



## cinders35

oooh, busy on here. Just popped in to see if there was any news from Pand? Will check again later.

Nanook, sorry to hear you are having such a pants time with investigations etc, we found the same! It's horrible being a patient!!! But it has improved since we are paying for it! You are not being selfish and awful, just frustrated. We understand. 

Oh my goodness Lainey, ec on friday!!! That has all moved along very fast!! Each step is a little hurdle to get over, but so far you are clearing the hurdles by a mile! 5 follies on low dose stimms sounds fantastic to me! I only got 9 on wopping doses last time, so you have got a lot to be hopeful about!!! I think you might just surprise yourself, and do really well!!!     

Hi drownedgirl, you spending plenty of time chilling? Love your blog!  

Thanks for your kindness Suszy, will be your turn soon for dreaded 2ww!!! Time is flying by hey? 

Missyb, you ok? Will pop and check your diary in a min. 

Me? tonsils the size of golf balls!  

Love to you all,

Cindersxxx


----------



## drownedgirl

dizzyloo said:


> Hope you are keeping those embies nice and warm drowned girl. Did you have a medicated cycle, or natural. We are planning on FET in November so wondered what your thoughts were.


Medicated. The success rates are higher and it's not so essential to have the embryos transferred at a specific time. As they wouldn't be able to thaw until you got a +OPk, it would only work for 3day + embryos, too, and ours were grown from Fri/Tues for a blast transfer.

It's just oestrogen for the first few weeks, then progesterone from just before transfer, no d/r at my clinic. So not expensive for the drugs or too nasty.


----------



## drownedgirl

cinders35 said:


> Hi drownedgirl, you spending plenty of time chilling? Love your blog!


Thanks, you can see I have been spending a fair amount of time lounging around and surfing! Though I have cleaned the house (well, 60% cleaned - it will do!) and got out everything ready to pack for our holidays. I am lucky have MIL and SIL here today so Conall is well occupied and I can get stuff done without feeling it's too much.


----------



## cinders35

You will get more done if you get off the computer!!!!!!    
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies we have been busy eh lol!!!

hi pand thought about you when i woke up this am hoping that all ok.. please let us know when you are ready to that is...

hi cinders... how are you darling hope tonsils start behaving themselves otherwise nurse b will have to kick their as*!! my diary must read like the rantings of a mad woman.. but i'd reccommend doing it to anyone.. it's very therapeutic.

hi suzy.. thanks for your kind words... i feel a bit brighter today. you have me intrigued about the idea that you want to put to tony bank robbery perhaps?? lol xx didnt mean it nice people at natwest xx

hi lainey omg things are going fast. i wish i knew more about all of this to tell you whether things are good or bad.. but to me 5 sounds good. fingers and toes crossed for you for fri.

hi nanook... hope you are feeling better honey..


hi drownedgirl god you do know alot!!! i feel like such an ignoramous its untrue! good luck with your treatment.


well im one day late... im trying not to get my hopes up. im sick of symptom spotting and checking my u know whats!! im off to a wedding this sat after a long day tomoz... hope you all have a wicked weekend if i dont get on here.. love again to pand xx

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Just checking in,
One day late missyb? Is this usual??    
Love to you Pand, strange how you spend time thinking bout people you have never met in real life! But I am thinking about you lots, and hoping for you. Here whatever the news.  
Got to go, mother out of law arriving later, don't want her to think I am incapable of taking care of her beloved son, grandaughter & our lovely home, despite my bfn and tonsillitis!!!! (Tonsils making miraculous recovery since threat from nurse b!!!) Wonder where I keep the hoover??  
Love Cindersxxx
p.s. If I don't have time to post, running around after mother out of law and that, I hope yu are ok Pandxxxx


----------



## sailorgirl

nanook said:


> And then I just feel guilty for this cos Ive got a perfect little boy and I feel like Im being totally selfish and awful.


Hi sorry to get crash - i do read this board quite alot and know what you are all going through- just wanted to let nanook know that these guilt feelings are totally natural - i felt like that for the whole time I was having treatment and before - just 'cause we have one does not stop you longing for a second.

Wishing you all the bery best of luck

Sailorgirl


----------



## nanook

Thanks sailorgirl.  Feeling slightly happier today think I was just having a crap day yesterday so sorry for goin on everyone!!!  

Hope Pand is ok -sending a hug   Ive only been on these boards for a few days but am really anxious for her esp as no news!! x


----------



## cinders35

Back again,
Hoping no news is good news Pand.  
Hope egg collection went well Lainey, and you are not too sore. Thinking of you lots.    
Glad you are feelng bit better Nanook, some days are just harder than others, there seems to be no rhyme or reason! But like Sailorgirl said, (Hello sailorgirl!) what you are feeling is natural.
I have been so upbeat since bfn, but today I had a little downer and just felt the old desperation, and the old feeling of wanting the whole world to stop getting pregnant, and to wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......! I'm making good progress on getting my head round not having another baby, but todays feelings prove I am not there yet!!
Hope af hasn't shown up missyb, when will you test again?
Love to all, especially those I haven't mentioned! Sorry!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

I'm really sorry I haven't posted sooner... would you believe the cable for my computer decided to give up the ghost and my lap top won't work unless its attached to the mains (very old!!!).  My father in law came to the rescue and has cobbled up some fang dangled contraption which by passes the break in the wire... hurrah, so finally I can get on here!

I got my blood results on Thursday and it's good news.  My HCG levels have been doubling which would indicate that things are ok (861 on Monday, 1561 on Weds).  I have to go for a scan on Tuesday at 8.15am and I am still really nervous.  The blood results were excellent but I just can't get excited until I have black and white proof that this little one is in the right place!  I keep thinking I can feel pains on the left and right sides.  I just can't believe that I would be this lucky!  So as you can see I am in complete denial at the moment.  We have given our little embie a nick name tho... Tom Tom (we thought it would be better than Sat Nav!), and we didn't want Road Angel because they don't always work!  So that's me and thanks so much for eveyone's kind thoughts and concern.  I know exactly what you all mean, I am now worried and desperate to hear from Missyb!

Now for the personals:

Suzy - You have written some lovely posts lately, but haven't said much about yourself.  How are you doing hun?

cinders - I simply cannot believe how strong and brave you have been.  I really admire you for being so positive.  I have read that you need to give IVF at least three goes, so maybe third time lucky for you hun.  I really really hope so.  I was gutted when I read your posts.  It's pants that you now have tonsillitus to boot.  Eat lots of ice cream and get plenty of rest and I hope you get well soon.

Drownedgirl - good luck with this cycle, I have everything crossed for you.

Lainey - 5 follicles on low stimulation sounds really good to me.  How did the egg collection go?  Please keep us updated.  I've got everything crossed for you.

Nanook - I didn't think you were insensitive at all!!!!!  And I know exactly what you mean about feeling like no-one gives a toss about you and your situation.  If you read back over my early posts I had very similar experiences.  At the end of the day we are just numbers to them.  It would do them a lot of good to come on here and read peoples personal experiences.  Keep battling away hun and keep pushing.  I did and got a fantastic consultant who is still being absolutely lovely to me even now!  There are some good ones, I promise!  As for feeling selfish for wanting another child, everyone on this thread knows what you feel.  We are NOT selfish for wanting what our bodies are naturally programmed to do.  More to the point, you probably want a sibling for you little one too, so its not all for us is it?  You have EVERY right to want another child, so don't let anyone let you feel any different. xxx

Sailorgirl - come and join in the chat if you read the thread often.  We always love to meet new members.

Missyb - Oh my goodness, one day late.  How usual is this for you?  Could it be?  I really hope so.  Let us know and put us out of our misery as soon as poss!

Love and hugs to everyone I haven't mentioned!

I will post again in the week after my scan.  Keep everything crossed for me and Tom Tom!

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!                 Whopeeeeeeeeeeee........!
Obviously only tentative celebrations!!
Well done Pand, now I need to know details of what was different about this month, how did you concieve? We're all girls together, were you hanging upside down or what? What did you eat? What did you wear? All details gratefully recieved in the quest for baby no.2! I want another baby, and I want one now! 
Please try and keep computer cranked up, as we need to know how it's going!!
Love to everyone
Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

I feel really emotional

Firstly, because Cinders is so lovely - she always has time to worry about the rest of us when she is having a difficult time herself and, secondly, cos *PAND IS PREGNANT*        

You had us worried girl. I was sure it was bad news when we didn't hear from you and I can't tell you how pleased I am that it is good news. I am sending loads of        to keep you going until Tuesday. IT IS ALL GOING TO BE FINE- trust me, I'm an accountant   You said that you thought your op would sort you out and it sure has. Go girl! We are all routing for you, you deserve it. May this be the first of many BFPs.

Missyb - we want to know where you are, are you ok? Any sign of AF, the old hag?

Hi nanook, suzy, hissie, drownedgirl and dizzylou. Hope you are all okay, write soon.

As for me. EC went well - 5 follies, 5 eggs so couldn't be better. Called this morning to see if any had fertilised and they told me 3 have fertilised so...... tomorrow I go in for ET. I feel weird today, this is all going better than I could ever have dreamed. I didn't dare hope that 3 would fertilise. I am now beginning for the first time to believe that this could actually lead to a baby and as soon as I think that I get scared because I know the odds are still stacked against me. Do you think my odds have improved atall? You could drive yourself mad thinking about it. Think of me tomorrow at 1 and pray for my little embies to keep dividing (if you are religious!).

Love to all

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

hi one and all!!! im so soz to take so long posting! i did a long day friday and then had a wedding sat... well im sorry ladies i got a visit from af & her f***ing sister by the looks of it. i was due on wednesday and in the end came on saturday so you can imagine my mind was running away from me!!! i was a bit disappointed but im over it now.


Pand !!!!! that is wicked news!!!     


hi cinders!! how are your dodgy tonsils hun

hi lainey.. i will be thinking of you 2moz... you will have to write a diary.. it worked wonders for my sanity!!

to everyone else i've not mentioned... love you loads.


amanda xx


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## dizzyloo

Wow Pand what wonderful news and I like the name, very appropriate hope tomtom is settling in nicely. 
FIngers toes and fallopian tubes crossed for lainey lou tomorrow. This must have seemed like a very long weekend for you.
Missy B you must be gutted. It's always so frustrating when you are late. How on earth did you manage not to test. I have this terrible testing habit, I should get shares in clearblue. Mines only got to be a few hours late and I start testing! Mainly cos I'm so impatient to have this whole nightmare resolve itself.
Am having a bad day, took DD to funfair and felt like the only person with an only child. Because of the age she is it seems as soon as I see kids her age they all seem to have siblings in tow. I'm getting worried about the effect it is going to have on her in the long term. Is she going to feel like the odd one out because she hasn't got any brothers and sisters?
Had some good news last week my natural killer cell test came back normal so at least there won't be any need for steroids in future attempts. But everything is coming back normal so why am I Not pg. I'm 34, healthy weight, had normal lap, trying not to drink, given up smoking, eat organicish and am taking every supplement under the sun, what the hell else is there? Feeling really teary....again!!!


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Just popped on after a long day in the garden, enjoying the   weather!
Thanks Lainey for saying I'm nice!! Always easy on the ear! And WELL DONE YOU! You are in really strong position at the mo. I'm not particularly religious, but I will pray in my own little way that your little embies keep dividing, and you have 2 good 'uns to put back tommorrow. I will be sendin you     at 1pm tommorrow. This has gone sooo fast! The 2ww can be tough, but try to stay positive, and we will be here for you.
Missyb,   Missed ya! Tonsils making good progress.
Dizzyloo, sorry you had pants day at the fair. Shame we couldn't go together! I have spent some time googling "only child", there are some books out there too. Was considering a purchase, but didn't get round to it. But my search made me feel better when I read some positive things about being an only child. But I know how you feel, today in the garden dd played lovely in her paddling pool, diving down the slide time after time. But these times I am still allowing to be tinged with sadness, because I think how much more fun she would have if she was sharing these experiences with her brother or sister. Some days I really think I have it sussed, and others I feel like I'm right back at square 1!!!
Pand, goes without saying...   
Suszy, hope you are having a good weekend  
Drownedgirl, how's the 2ww going? I'll check out your diary after this...   
Hi to everyone else I haven't mentioned. Brain like a sieve!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## sailorgirl

Pand - fantastic news on the BFP and more importantly the fact that that all appears to be well.             for tomorrows scan.  I know exactly how you feel when you keep thinking things are going to go wrong.  I could not believe i was going to have another baby after sooooooooooooooo many years of trying.  Even now, just 2 weeks from her first birthday i have to pinch myself to make sure it is real.

Lainey - hope ET went well - look after yourself on your 2ww -        to you to.

Missyb - sorry to hear the   turned up - stay positive hun - miricales do happen.

Dizzyloo - there are no explanations only heartache.  Try and stay positive and I will pray that one of those miricales makes an apperance at you door.

Hi to everyone else.

Takecare
Sailorgirl


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Computer is still working....just!

Cinders - you are such a sweetie.  I know it must be very tough on you at the moment and you are being very brave.  As for what we did different, we didn't!  In fact if it wasn't for my dh we wouldn't be preggers at all, cos I was so tired this month I couldn't really be bothered and i was convinced I was ovulating off the wrong side.  But bless him, he's been so good through all this I put out cos he felt like it!  That was all!  Wish I could give you more than that!  I have felt like you do so many times about my little man.  Keep battling hun.  You just never know, you might get there in the end.  I know what you mean about trying to accept you may only have the one, and that's a sensible thing to do, but the ache never goes away.  I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you.

Missyb - I'm gutted.  For one minute there I thought our names were in luck!  So sorry flower.

Lainey-Lou - Wow!  You have done so well chick!  That is excellent news.  Now comes the hard bit, the dreaded 2ww.  Keep posting, we will try to keep you sane!

Hi to everyone else (Suzy, Dizzylou, Drownedgirl) hope you are all ok.

Well I'm going slowly stir crazy!  This waiting is such a nightmare.  I've been feeling really positive since last Thursday, thinking everything was going to be ok.  Then last night I started having some aches and pains on my left hand side.  It suddenly hit me that I'm a long way from being out of the woods yet, and if this is ectopic then I will probably need another laporoscopy now, which means my holiday in two weeks would be up the creek as well!  I'm so petrified.  I've been scouring the net to see if you can still have an ectopic with doubling hcg levels but cannot find anything to put my mind at rest.  I feel so sick and worried.  

Anyway, something to make you all laugh.  We got the bill for dh's sperm test a few days ago £115!  Bless him, my dh said its the most expensive w*nk he's ever had and he wouldn't have got fined that much if he'd knocked one out in public!!!!!  It's a small price to pay we know, but I thought his comments might make you chuckle cos they did me!

Must go now, as my ds girlfriend is about to come around for lunch and I must go and start sorting out.

Hi to anyone I haven't mentioned and sorry if I have forgotten anyone.

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone

Pand - try not to worry lovie.  I have a feeling it is all going to be ok for you.  I know that after everything you've been through it seems that everything is stacked against you and something is bound to go wrong but you are over the biggest hurdle, actually getting pregnant and hopefully it will all be plain sailing now.  Remember, miracles happen all the time.  Also, I am sure they wouldn't have bothered with the blood test if it didn't tell them something useful, ie it's not ectopic.  Good luck tomorrow, we are all excited/nervous for you.  Let us know as soon as you have some news.

Dizzylou - I feel for you.  It could almost be me saying all the things you said.  I have done all the researching, wondering, changing diet, supplements, etc, etc.  The conclusion I have drawn is that there is no reason and it just is what it is.  You end up driving yourself mad trying every new potion.  I even took up smoking for a week because someone told me they knew of someone who started smoking and got pregnant    I soon came to my senses and gave up.  I just believe now what will be will be - if I am meant to have another child then it will happen (obviously with the help of IVF ).  If I am meant to have only one child then I will have only one.  Sometimes this philosophy helps and sometimes it doesn't but it makes more sense.  At one stage if I had non-organic milk just once in a cycle I thought I had ruined my chances of conceiving, which of course is ludicrous - my new philosophy is at least better for my sanity.  Try and stay positive, you are still young and have plenty of time.

Cinders - hope the tonsils are better.  Agree with everything you said about only children.  I know there are much worse things to be than an only child but it doesn't stop us feeling that gap in our family.  That is the worst thing for me, the feeling that my family is not complete.  Then I feel ungrateful because I know there are women on here who would give anything for my little girl.  I see stories of people who have been trying for 7 years with no luck and think that in that time I have had DD.  It doesn't make the desire any less though.  Keep your chin up - you are a fighter and you will get through this whatever life throws at you.  Your wicked sense of humour will get you through   And remember, your DD is lucky to have such caring people as her parents, people who would give anything to give her a sibling - there is no greater testiment to you than that.  Noone can say you aren't trying your absolute best.

Missyb - sorry AF arrived.  Isn't it cruel, her being late like that?  She does it to torment us I am sure.  I was always dot on 28 days until I got IF -  now my cycle is all over the place.  Mrb is very funny - your story made me laugh.

Hi to Suzy, Sailorgirl, hissie and Drownedgirl - hope you are all okay.

As for me.  2 of my embies divided so yesterday they put back a 3 cell and a 4 cell (is that good?).  So, I could technically be pregnant now (could I?)  I am delighted that we had enough to put back and give us a good chance but I am also terrified cos now I have to face the disappointment of it not working and the more I look on here and see loads of BFNs the more I am convinced it won't work.  I know it is not likely to work first time so I have that in mind and am encouraged that we have got such a good result so far.  It will give me hope for future attempts.  At least I responded well to the drugs and got enough embies to put back.  I will try for the next few months at least.  It hasn't been half as traumatic/drawn out as I expected (who would have thought they would hear me say that, eh?)  It all feels a bit surreal really.

Yesterday, when the embies had been put back I said to DH I should have flashed my t*ts at the embryologist while I was there cos he saw everything else    I suppose you have to have a sense of humour about these things.

That's me for now.

Love to all.

Lainey x


----------



## nanook

Hi guys....................


----------



## cinders35

Hi y'all!
Well done Lainey, though flashing your t**s at embryologist probably not the smartest move!  
Holding my breath for tomorrow Pand, no pressure but pleeaase post soon...!  
Hey Nanook, how goes it?  
Drownedgirl,   hope you are having a great time in Wales.
Hey missyb, damn that ole  . But I'll look forward to next diary!  
Hey to all you guys who are enjoying our summer such as it is, and haven't managed to post recently,  
Not much to say, just gonna go back to try my old mantra again....
I can have a baby, I will have a baby, I can have a baby I will have a baby, I can have a baby, I will have a baby, I can have a baby, I will have a baby, I can have a baby, I will have a baby.......
You get the gist......
Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## Pand

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The worst part of my nightmare is finally over!!!!

Had the scan this morning and its in the right place!!  And what's more, my consultant could see 2 sacks!  He did explain that its very early days and that this is quite common and many pregnancies like this end up being only one, but I nearly fell off the couch!!!  I had pictured so many possible outcomes, but I had never considered twins!!!!!!  We will have to move into a caravan!!!!  

I am so relieved and so excited I CANNOT believe my luck.  I just don't know what to do with myself now!  I've got to go back next Tuesday for a follow up scan so I will post more as I find out more.

Girls I cannot thank you all enough for the support and kind words which have got me through some very dark times over the last couple of years.  I truly think I would have gone completely mad without you all.  I will post again over the next few days and do personals but for the moment just know that I love you all to bits.  If it can happen to me (even my consultant was shocked that we've managed this) it can happen to anyone.  Just cling onto hope.  

Speak soon

Amanda


----------



## sailorgirl

Amanda

That is fantastic news your must be over the moon  .

Wishing you a very happy and healthy 8 months - lots of     for next weeks scan.

Sailorgirl


----------



## nanook

OMG Pand Im actually in tears for you!!  You must be so happy!!  I hoe it all goes really well for you. Stay in touch wont you I really want to know everything is going ok.  xx


----------



## nanook

Sorry Cinders never did reply to your post!!  Im fine thanx cant wait for Fridays meeting when hopefully things will have been put into motion a bit............. Hi to everyone else sending lots of hugs and hope for you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

That's me  !   Wow Pand!!     Congratulations, I'm over the   for you, dh, and ds.
Y'know if you end up with one spare?!!!!
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
sorry not been on for a few days, was staying at a friends down south and could not log on am now at my mums at somerset and have been catching up with you all you chatterboxes for the last hour or so.
I drove from Peterbrough to near taunton today and drove past/through worcestershire and was so tempted to contat you pand but did not know your news but wish I had stopped and tried to log on now.
i am so made up for you and over the moon like cinders said, how amazing and incredible and after all you have been through that you might have twins!!!!! i just cannot believe it, coming on here today has been amazing as there has been good news all round.  Just wanted to say many congrats and know you are still going to worry and there is a long way to go but thinking of you as ever and wishing you lots of love and luck Pand well done.  So glad its all turned out right for you and that the scan was so good.  
thanks for asking after me, i am actually doing really ok at mo and so enjoying the hols and being with ds and just chilling and socialising and feeling optimistic esp when you get good news like you have.  also donor had her appt today and she did well although she has to go back on mond for more tests and dh goes on thurs for sperm test not sure how much they will charge him

Lainey lou- what fab news and good luck to those embies, for what its worth think five is good but did not know much about it before so thought 2 was good when they did my scans during clommid but think you have responded really well and are doing really well - you have come on such a journey and i know its been quick but you had a few months of feeling down and doing a lot of thinking and coming to terms with it all so this is YOUR turn and time and you will continue to do well.  are you doing a 2ww?? good luck darling and keeping everything crossed for you sweetheart

cinders - you are an amazing person and you have been through so much and yet are so hopeful and supportive of everyone and you have been through a rough time and here you are supporting everyone else.  really think your time will come too.
thinking of you as well

Hissie - how are you sending you lots of love and hugs and know what you mean about the gov and funding-sorry you still having a few problems they are such b a s t ....

dissylou - thinking of you too, we can only do our best and not stress too much, i still drink and eat too much and sometimes we need those comforts to survive after years of this if so be kind to yourself- sorry you had a bad day and we all have them its perfectly normal, just had lovely few days with friends little boy who is the same age and they were like siblings but they had a few disagreements too and i thought if our little ones had siblings it would be a good few years til they played together and they do have so many unique times with us and others and they are all very indep. hope you feel better soon darling
nanook hope you are doing ok too
missby- how are you doing girl sorry that horrible witch came esp when she was a day late cheeky thing does she not know what it puts us through.  all my idea was that if we all put some money in a big pot perhaps we could all help pay for the really needy cases of people for tx not sure how that would work and I know people already put money in to run this site but perhaps there must be a way of raising money for people to help pay for at least some of their tx but now sure how you would tell who needed it more than others etc etc so as you can see quite simple but complicated  its just there are so many people on this site and its saved so many peoples lives and i do feel like we are treated badly how great would it be to start a fund like that ?  hope not offended anyone by this and think we all deserve help and some people have spent tens of thousands.think you know where i am coming from.
welcome to sailorgirl and thanks for posting its so good when people do who have got their dream as you remember the pain whatever the outcome and its a journey we have all travelled
drowned girl - sending you lots of love and   
love to anyone i have missed
thinking of you all as ever and wishing you lots of love and luck
have so missed all of you although its been good in some ways not to come on every night and have been outside the whole last three days i did miss you al l and its so nice to be back and hear everyones good news esp when everyone seems so much better (on the whole) and good new s all around.
thinking of you all and lots of love  
susie


----------



## nanook

Bloody appointment had been put back for a few weeks now!!! Happy  NOT AT ALL!!! BLoody hospital


----------



## dizzyloo

Nanook, thats such bad news. YOu spend months waiting for these appointments and then to just cancel is so infuriating. Theres an old nurses joke (the jokes old not the nurses telling it !).
Whats the difference between god and a consultant?
..
..
.... God doesn't think he;'s a consultant

Anyway girls I have to share with you my amazing night out last night. Went to see Prince at the 02. I stopped to ask a steward for directions (just like Pand's pair!), he looked at our tickets which were in the gods and said here let me swap them for some better seats. They were FRONT ROW!!!!!!!!!! So I spent 2 and a half hours dancing and screaming like a woman possessed just six feet away from the man himself. DH also particularly enjoyed looking up the dancers skirts for the show. Had a great night but feel like pooh today, I'm just not cut out for late nights and early mornings any more. Goes to show a bit of distraction (and the odd glass of wine) does us a power of good.


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone

Nanook       God it makes me angry the way they do that.  You wait for months for an appointment and count down the days and then just as you think it is approaching they move it further away again.  They did that to me, I was furious and upset.  Try not to fret about it, it will arrive before you know it.

Hi Suszy - thanks for the words of encouragement, they are always appreciated.  I am trying not to think about the outcome at the moment, I am in danger of driving myself mad if I wonder about every twinge and ache.  It was such a surreal feeling leaving the clinic knowing that there were two embryos in there.  I still can't believe how well it has all gone so far.  I am sure I am not lucky enough to get a BFP - as I say I am trying to keep occupied so I don't think about it.  Glad you had a good break, you were missed on here though.

Dizzylou - glad to hear you had a good night out.  It does you good to forget about all this stuff and let your hair down every now and then.  Hope your head is not too sore today.

Pand - TWO - I don't know, these babies are like buses, you wait around for one for ages and then two come along    I told you it would be okay, I have everything crossed for the rest of your journey.  Keep posting, you are part of the family now and we would miss you if you left us 

Cinders - how are you honey?  You know, I think you should consider low stimm short protocol IVF like me.  It might be worth a try??

Missyb, Drownedgirl, hissie, sailorgirl - hello to you all.

I am going to be having an alcohol free birthday.  I will be 37 on Saturday   and what with the 2WW don't dare drink any alcohol.  We are taking dd to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in Southampton and staying in a hotel over night.  It will be hard not drinking but worth it if the test result next Friday is a BFP.  I am thinking of doing a 2WW diary so please read.  I am not sure it will be very interesting but I thought it might help me.

Speak soon

Lainey xx


----------



## mancgal_644

hello all did post few weeks back think some of my old mates are still about and hopefully make some more friends  well im Kerry and im nearly 27 my Dp is 32 i have a son naturally concieved who is 9 and my dp daughter who lives with us who is 10 nearly 11 were not goin threw any tx done one cycle in july 2005 which was BFN 

Kerry xx


----------



## hissie

Wow Pand, what excellent, fabtastic news.  

Hope everything is ok with everyone. Haven't had chance to really read the messages, still busy visiting and worrying about my brother, + I'm having some personal hurdles of my own to deal with at the moment, so haven't been feeling on top of the world, in fact I'm very down at the right now. 

Nevertheless, I wish everyone all the best and hope dreams come true as they have for Pand


----------



## SUSZY

dear girls
just a quickie
had a lovely day on the beach at exmouth today and it was lovely and hot and ds had a good time.
my dh has sperm test tomorrow and my donor goes back on monday for more tests so its all getting closer and all i have to do is lose weight and stop drinking!
take care my sweets and if i don't get on here tomorrow night i will the following

Lainey-lou - think starting a 2 ww diary is a good idea and its really good therapy and is a great way to get your thoughts down and you can easily get distracted for a few hours reading other peoples, I will defo give it a read.  good luck sweetheart and am sure its your turn you derserve it.  happy birthday for sat girl perhaps you could have one glass of something really good and make it last, whatever sounds like a fun weekend, we saw chitty chitty bang bang in manchester and it was brill.  thanks for saying i was missed i usually say when I am going away for a few days and i am at my mums in somerset now til sat but with wifi i am getting on here for half an hour after BB and before bed so its really nice to be back

dizzylou= your night out sounds faba and how brill a steward gave you a good seat must have been some repayment from heaven after all you have been through and so glad you had a good night and i know you feel a bit tired today but it was worth it and sounds so great, i know what you mean about late nights i am the same but we hve to do it every now and then and we are here to enjoy life too

cinders hope you are doing ok today
missby- how are you
drowned girl love to you and hope you are hving a good hol
nanook - so sorry they hve put back your appt its maddending and I am so going to complain when this is all over or like I have said before start a march to london to comlain about how we are treated.

pand = hope you are doing ok darling thinking of you as ever and just keep smiling at how happy you must be = hope you don't mind but told my mum today - obviously she does not know me but as Lainey said we are like one big family

Hissie - so sorry you are feeling down honey, I think you have a lot going on which you cannot share on the open boards but if you want to pm me or any of the other girls or post on other sections that might help then please do, i think this site has a place for everything we go through in life so there might be some help for you. whatever we are here for you and are wishing you all the best

hi to kerry and welcome back again and good luck

thats all for now girls
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

where is everyone?  I am lonely  

I am ok.  Noticing every twinge and analysing every ache and pain    Very frustrating.

Could do with someone to chat to 

Please post soon.

Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Hi Lainey,
I'm here! Have pm'd you, but you may not have noticed!
Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Sorry Lainey that you feel forgotten, you really haven't been. Let us know how you are feeling, aches,pains twinges etc. The 2ww is just so hideous, but then for us 2ww is a pretty much usual course of events. I feel like I'm permanently on one, 2ww till ovulation then 2ww till AF. Sometimes I think won't it be nice when all this is over (and lets hope with a BFP for you) not to have to live life in 2 week chunks. Are you doing nice things to keep you occupied or are you going down the lieing down route. You must let us know so that when you get your lovely BFP we can all do the same.

My AF is due in a few days (have already let myself down with my clearblue habit! Someone has got to stop me buying them!!) Really confused because when I fell pg last month it felt like my period was coming which is why I was thrown when I was pg. In the past sore tum meant feel glum, now I don't necessarily know what it means. Are my boobs tingling or aren't they? Am I making things up in my head? Have I lost the plot entirely...probably.

Where has drowned girl gone?

Cinders don't forget you've got much chance of getting pg the month after an IVf cycle because your hormone levels are higher according to my consultant so hope you and Dh are gearing yourselves up! (is that the right term? sounds like bondage, still if it works for you!)


----------



## drownedgirl

dizzyloo said:


> Where has drowned girl gone?


I'm lurking! Still on holiday in Wales and xan only surf using my phone, so hard to type anything long. Still over the moon, as is Hobbesy.


----------



## nanook

Hi Lainey!!  Hope every1 is ok  Not much to say Im afraid just wanted to say hi.  xxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Lainey
sorry you feel like you have be deserted in your hour of need, think with it being the summer and longer evenings and sunny evenings and school hols that some people are away.
really thinking about you and do hope you are doing ok - have you thought about doing the 2ww diary or have you started it, I don't always check them unless I know someone is doing it so can you let me know. Or go on a thread where others testing around you, thats what i did.
How are you feeling, like dizzy lou said have you got anything nice planned as that might help, really think the 2nd week is the hardest and so much rides on it.  anyway sweetheart good luck and really thinking of you.
good luck  

dizzylou - sorry keep forgetting that recently you have been through so much pain and sorry if we have swept over it - really hope this is your month and I know the waiting is so horrible and know what you mean about about the 2ww to be honest I really try not to think about when I am due or rather not think I am going to be preg due to the years of disappointments but its hard.
do try and resist the urge to test and just think of all the money you will save!!

nanook- hope you are ok

cinders  how are you feeling darling ? what have you been up to.

I have been having a lovely time down here in somerset and went to a little beach called bantham which is very special to us as there is a special place there where we remember my brother (lost nearly 10 years ago) and my grandad( in 94) we have been so lucky with the weather and its been georgous and its just basically been lovely and chilling.
i am going home tomorrow for a long weekend and then away for a few days next week with different friends including my kind donor and then back down here for a few days so looking forward to the next few weeks.  feel really happy and content at mo girls sorry if you are not. although we got the bill for Ed 4K but its nice to know its all around the corner.
I am feeling up beat at the mo girls and sorry if you are not but hopefuly some will rub off on you or that you will be upbeat for me when I feel down later in the year when ds back at school the nights drawing in and I am injecting hormones.

love to the rest of you girls and come back soon
take care
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone

Suszy - yes am doing diary on the IVF page.  Please read.  It is probably not very interesting but helps me let off steam.  Glad you are having a chilled time and glad you visited your special place to think of your brother, I don't suppose losing him ever gets any easier.  I am so looking forward to being able to support you through the ED treatment like you have supported me through my tough and exciting times.  I am really hoping it works for you, I am sure it will.

dizzylou - thanks for remembering me.  I am keeping really busy - read my diary and you will see.  I am off to Southampton tomorrow for my birthday (when I wake up in the morning I will be 37  )  We are taking dd to see a show and to stay in a hotel overnight.  Birthdays are not the same without alcohol    but I am sure we will have a good time.

Hi cinders, missyb, nanook, drownedgirl (I've pmed you) and everyone else.

See you when I'm older  

Love Lainey x


----------



## drownedgirl

Big hugs to Lainey, Dizzy and anyone else who needs one. Just lying in bed contemplating tge esruary out of the window, absorbing my cyclogest. Getting up in a minute and then it's the long haul back to London.

I think I have been hugely remiss and forgot to tell you, I got  bfp!! My friend/donor is overjoyed too.

xx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Drownedgirl - OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! You slipped that one in!  I am so delighted for you!  I really felt for you when the last cycle failed and I am so excited that you have finally got your BFP!!!!! I really hope that Suzy and some of the others usind donors take heart from your fantastic news!  Keep sticking those pessaries in the right place and I'm wishing you a safe and happy pregnancy! Perhaps we have started a positive run on this thread!  

Nanook - I'm gutted your appointment was put back.  It happened to me on more than one occasion and I was devastated each time. You cling to each appointment as the next step forward and then they just take it away.  I'm sure it means nothing to them, but it means everything to us.  When is your next appointment then?  Keep us posted and try to keep busy to help pass the time.

Cinders - You have been very quiet lately.  I hope you are okay.  I can't believe how positive and supportive you have been to everyone else when you must be heartbroken yourself.  You really deserve for things to go your way and I really hope from the bottom of my heart that your next cycle will put an end to your misery.

Dizzylou - I loved your consultant joke!  I'm like you tho, I can't stay out late and get drunk anymore.  By half past nine in the evenings I'm usually dead to the world!  Ah the joys of getting older!  As for the clear blues I think you may need rehab.  Any sign of the old witch yet?  I have to say, I had a no indications it was a. BFP this month.  All the  normal signs and symptoms except AF didn't show.  Still having some mild period type cramps occasionally now!  So it ain't over till the fat lady sings!

Lainey-lou - I'm sorry we weren't here when you needed us hun.  It's always the way when you need to talk!  I hope you aren't driving yourself too mad.  I was exactly like you, examining every twinge and ache every month, but as I said to Dizzylou, it's pointless.  I had no signs or symptoms of pregnancy at all and completely expected AF to arrive, so much so I drank my body weight in wine and went body boarding!  So I hope you have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY today!!!! Why don't you treat yourself to a tiny sip of bubbly.  One sip can't hurt!  If not have a non alcoholic cocktail!  Enjoy your weekend!

Mancgal - Welcome to the thread.  I hope you will find we are all v friendly and supportive!

Hissie - I'm so sorry you are so down flower.  You mentioned some personal hurdles?  Anything we can help with.  You can talk about things other than ttc if you need to let off steam.  I hope things work out for you and you feel better soon.

Suzy - As always you word things so well and say the loveliest things to people on here.  You are a key member on this thread and hold us all together.  I'm glad you are so up at the moment and I think Drownedgirl's news is great news for you.  I'm glad your donor is doing well and have everything crossed for your treatment.  I would still love to meet at some point.  I'm sure it will happen when its meant to!  As for dh's sperm test ours cost £115 but I think it depends where you do it.  My dh made me laugh when we got the bill, cos he said he wouldn't have been fined so much for knocking one out in public!

Missyb - Hope you are ok hun.  Love to you .

Well I think that's enough for today! I'm beginning to rival Suzy for the length of her posts!

I'm feeling very good at the mo, and looking forward to my next scan which is on Wednesday.  The prospect of twins still scares the pants off me as we have no idea how we will afford the child care!  But we will wait and see.  After all of this pain I couldn't care if it was one, two or three!  What's meant to be will be.  Still keep having minor panics every time I have a twinge, but am keeping everything crossed and staying positive.

That's all fo rnow!

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Just popping on to say   to Lainey, thinking about you lots! Loving the diary.
Drownedgirl, as per pm big  
Glad things still going well Pand. Good luck for scan on wed.  
Suszy, sounds like you will be in the "right place" emotionally for starting your cycle soon. It's not cheap is it?!  
Hey Nanook, how goes it? 
Missyb, where you hun?  

Feeling a bit pants, (knew that positive mood couldn't last!) Am feeling so physically naff, not sure if it is culmination of 2 ivf cycles in short space of time, feb/march, and june /july, or left over tonsillitis? Or both??! Just feeling c**p and feeling quite introverted, is the right word? But hope to pick myself up soon.  Don't want to be too down, as we are doing so well on our board, a run of bfp's!!!! Bring it on!!!!!!!
Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hellloooooooo......

anyone home?.....................



Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Cinders honey whats wrong??  Im here for a mo if you need to chat x I know you are feeling pants today babe but it will pass and you'll be feeling all up again soon I promise. x


----------



## nanook

Hi to everybody by the way.... Its lovely to come on here every day although I must admit I havent really much to say at the moment.  Nothing really going on, havent a clue as to next appointment as dh has to get his semen analysis done and the person is on holiday till the 20th and then I have to make another appointment with consultant after that.  The old witch is due at the end of the month and Im hoping she dosent come. 

Havent had much hope for months but now my tubes are all clear I can see myself having a Clear Blue problem again myself soon Dizzyloo, better start adding a tenner or more onto the shopping bill each week!! 

Sorry to hear about your Brother Suzy it seems you have been through a lot   you must be a really special person to keep feeling positive and being so lovely. 

Happy Brithday to Lainey,  did you have a nice time in Sunny Southampton?? Which Hotel did you stay at?  How was the show??

Drowned Girl - Congratulations! 

Hi Pand 

Hi to everyone else too hope all is ok


----------



## nanook

Cinders just realised you're message was today and the one before that yesterday - Im worried about you now has something happened or are you still feeling rubbish from yesterday  Hope you are feeling a bit better hun am gonna be around most of the evening if you want to chat - in the meantime have another big hug   my lovely xxx


----------



## cinders35

Thanks Nanook,
Nothing has happened, just feeling pants, and lonely on here!!! You are offline now, missed you 'cos I was ironing, and watching BB, oh my exciting life!!! Still, MIL has gone today, she stayed for 9 nights!!!! So can get back to normal now.
Love to all, sorry for being mis  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Everyone

Thanks for the birthday wishes.  Had a good time, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was brilliant, dd absolutely loved it and babbled on about it all the way back to the hotel.  Not feeling very optimistic at the moment, felt a bit teary last night.

Cinders - sorry you are feeling down and no-one was around yesterday to offer support.  I thought you were coping a bit too well.  No-one would blame you for feeling a bit low at the moment, you have been through a tough time.  When is your next appointment?  You don't have to apologise for feeling down, that is what this site is for - so we can share our good news and bad news and help each other through.  You are always there when other people feel down so it is about time we supported you.  Post again or pm me if you want a chat.  Sending you    

Hi to everyone else.  Keep reading my diary.

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Cinders - our messages crossed.  I am here if you want to chat

Also, forgot to say good luck to Pand for scan on Wednesday. 

L


----------



## mancgal_644

hi all thanks for the welcomes not noticed any of my old buddiesm posting but always nice to meet new people sorry not posted since last week but my internet connection been playing up 

hope u are all well 

xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hey Mancgal,
Good to meet you! Guess there is a lot of coming and going on this site as people fulfil their dreams. Glad you have your computer sorted.

Lainey and I pm'd each other a lot last night, but we think it would have been better to go to the chat room. I have only been once, when I first registered on newby night, but it was all so fast I got a bit lost!!! But I think I recall there are various rooms you can go to for private chats. My downfall is my slow one finger typing, you wouldn't think this post had taken 2 hrs would you  Anyway. was wondering if any of you were chat room experienced, as I am new to it, and Lainey tells me she is a virgin!!! Who's gonna tell her that might be her problem with ttc!!??!!   

Very funny Lainey, there is nothing wrong with my waterworks by the way!!!  

As for the rest of you, huh! Where do you think you have all gone??!!!!    

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## mancgal_644

cinders lol at ya post what ya like well i use to be a whizz in the chat room but since i came back i aint been in so dont know how much it as changed  whats ya main problem in there 

Kerry x


----------



## cinders35

No problem as such, not sure can remember what to do!! Suppose we will just have to be brave and go in!! It will probably be obvious what to do. Just wondering if we went in, would it be rude to go straight to another room to chat? What is the etiquette?
Cindersxxx


----------



## mancgal_644

well i always just use to use the main room  unless it was a quiz night and then we went in a sub room 

Kerry x


----------



## cinders35

O.K cool, thanks Mancgal, perhaps you can hold our hands sometime??! Well Lainey? Shall we? Is it a date?!!!
Just read your diary Lainey, no symptoms is fab!!! I was full of symptoms both times and look at my results!!!! Though planning for next cycle may help you to look forward, and feel in control, so I'll allow you that! Oak floor sounds nice, as does sleeping all afta!!! I tell you, I can feel something in my water!!!  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## mancgal_644

yeah sure i will when i get my pc set up hopefully soon  as im using DP laptop at mo and he uses this for his buisness 

Kerry 

Xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Mancgal - don't think I said "Welcome back" so I just have !!

Cinders - please read update of diary.  I have symptoms now and am feeling    

I would love to go to a side room with you so we could be intimate.  How much do you charge?   Let me know when and I'll be there (if I can work out how to do it)

Love to everyone.  Where are you?   I can see Cinders and I are going to have to get the baseball bats out   

Come back soon.

Lonesome Lainey x


----------



## mancgal_644

thanks  lainey-lou  or lonesome lainey lol


----------



## nanook

Hi Mancgirl hows it going??  

Sorry we missed each other the other night Cinders, hope you're feeling a bit better now though...!!??

Hi to every one else...............  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mancgal_644

Hi goin well thanks how about ya self 

Kerry 
x


----------



## nanook

Im well thanks, been really busy today rushing around shopping and stuff and then my ds had his Martial Arts lesson so went out around 10 this morning and didnt get in till 6 this evening!  am a bit cream Crackered tbh.  He's got a grading at the weekend so am probably gonna have to take him every single day this week!!  Fun huh!?!


----------



## mancgal_644

its amazin the things we do hey haha i have just moved so in the middle of running back and forth from manc as well as sorting Dp house out he aint decorated for 10 yr an the dust omg plus trying to find a footie team for DS as well its all abit fast living here at mo glad to come on ere and realax lol 

Kerry


----------



## *Kim*

Hi Ladies

Can any of you help with this?

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=108269.msg1527897#msg1527897

Kimx x x


----------



## cinders35

Evening guys,
Have sent message to Kim. I was interested in the above link up untill the point of being photographed!
Hope Suszy logs on soon, as think she would like the chance to have a say!  
I for one will be keeping my eyes peeled to see if any of you lovely ladies are in the papers! A chance to be a celebrity!!!!!  
 guys,
Lainey,       
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## sarylou

Hello ladies its been a while. 
I hope everyone is doing ok. Hugs to those who need them. (hugs)    

We had 3 cycles of clomid and bloods showed i ov'd-level was 102.  
3rd cycle (just gone) I managed to fall pg but sadly early mc according to my consult. My third.   

DP is now my DF-he proposed on holiday and were getting married 01.08.08. EKKK not long. Weve decided to stop ttc in that time and im back on the pill. 
Dr has said after wedding ttc for a while then go back to her and she'll give us a few more cycles of clomid. So thats our plan. 

I hope everyone is doing ok. And not sur eif anyone remembers me trying to win my bank charges back. Well I did and got all my money and have cleared all our debts.     

Love to all xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hello Sarylou,
You have been through the mill haven't you?!   Sounds like you have a good plan for the future, and   on your engagement! You all loved up?!  
Well done on the bank charges, excellent work! A relief I should think to be debt free!!!

Well ladies, we have booked a last minute trip to Scotland, we plan on long walks along the beach, fresh air, and no crowds!! A chance for some r&r. I'll be away for about 10 days, so...
Uchhh-eye-the -noooooooo......(sincere apologies to all scottish people!)
Love Cindersxxx
(Lainey have p.m'd you.  )


----------



## hissie

Hi all. haven't really had chance to visit this site or read the posts, been busy visiting my brother in hospital.

Just thought I'd let you all know, I have an appointment with the consultant who deals with IVF on 30th August. I'm kinda excited but for some weird reason I feel it's now not what I want   I've had a lot of family and personal problems over the past few years and I'm just very tired. Those family issues have been worsening too, my brother tried to take his own life nearly 3 weeks ago and it's hard seeing him in a mental health unit half an hours drive from home. That is certainly taking it's toll on me, but I'm gonna be there for him no matter what.

Well, I wish you gurlz all the best and good luck with conceiving  

love Hissie xx


----------



## nanook

Hissie -  

That is so sad about your brother!  I hope he will be ok, I really do. I cant even begin to imajine what you and your family must be going through right now.

My advice re your appointment is go anyway cos you may regret it if you dont.  All this other stuff may be changing your judgement, but it may be a temporary change of mind you  are having.

I wish you all the best sweetheart and I do hope you and your family are going to be ok. Try to keep your chin up babe.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Best idea in the world to get away Cinders. We did that after our last attempt failed and it was the best thing we could have done (although did have a bit of a trauma as booked holiday 24 hours before we were due to go. Got to airport at 4am, found out I had booked it for the following week. Went home 7am, lovely people at thompson refunded holiday on account of me being a numpty. Following day flew to spain!!) 

Nice to see lots of new faces on the board, welcome one and all.

Had appointments with both private and NHS consultant this week (I know Nannook I'm just plain greedy!
Anyway NHS have discharged me because there is nothing else they can offer me. Apparently there is no reason why I shouldn't be pg now apart form the fact I'm bloody well not. Private cons has booked me in for FET in September. But they won't let me book in for my next lot of ICSI in November until the FET has failed (as you can tell am being really positive)So that means AF is due end of sept after FET, then it's a 3 month wait for a space at my clinic usually, then its sodding christmas.

Fingers crossed for you Lainey, everyones experience is different. I usually now my AF is coming about 10 before.When we had ICSI I had no symptoms whatsoever and was utterly convinced I was pg and then I wasn't.Then I think AF is coming as usual and find out I'm pg.  No rhyme or reason to it I'm afraid


----------



## nanook

Hi sarylou I missed your post somehow but congrats with the engagement and fair play re the bank charges!!  I got 3 and half grand back myself earlier this year from the Abbey - dont it make you feel good??!!??  ha ha


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Back on for my weekly post, but this week has been barmy running round after my ds and his social diary!

Hissie - I am so sorry to hear about your brother hun.  I'm not at all surprised you have been feeling down.  I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.  We are here for you if you need to talk, and you are being very brave.  I think you should still go to your appointment as well, as you will lose nothing from going, and you may regret it later on if you don't.  Good luck sweetie.

I was going to write some other personals, but I'm afraid my brain isn't working and now that I'm replying I can't remember what I was going to write!

Went for my scan on Wednesday and Tom Tom is doing well.  One little person with a heartbeat and the right size, so now we are going onto normal antenatal care.  Fingers crossed.  I just hope that my good fortune rubs off on you guys and that my impossible conception gives you some hope!

We are off to Tenerife tomorrow for a week so I won't be back on for a while.

Lainey - I am desperately hoping you get a BFP.  I am so nervous for you and its going to kill me not being able to check on FF over the next week.

Cinders - Sending you my love and hoping you are feeling a bit brighter now.

Lots of love and speak in a week

Amanda


----------



## hissie

Thanks for the support gurlz, it means a lot  

My brother does seem settled in the mental health unit and the family appear to be coping well (at the moment). The travelling to the hospital will no doubt take it's toll, but everyone is taking turns to visit.

Yes, I will go to the appointment. I don't know, I just feel so tired at the moment and I seem to have lost the drive I had a couple of years ago for a baby. Maybe it's just the stress of problems and the fact I'm starting uni in October. Everything has just piled on at once. I know what you mean tho', I probably will regret it if I don't go, and yes, I have nothing to lose  

Hissie xx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I won't be around for a week as I'm off to the Lake District (lovely weather for it!!).  someone will be keeping an eye on the boards for this time.    Hoping to come back to lots of good news for everyone


----------



## *Lollipop*

Evening Ladies,

First of all i would like to say a very big Congrats to Pand!!! Do you remember honey when i said best time to fall pg was just after a lap there you go honey...Well done you clever girl!!!!xxxxx

Also i was smiling from ear to ear   when i read your news drownedgirl, as i remember posting you on your last cycle...Congrats on your "PG" and take extra special care, lots of MacDonalds etc..xxxxx

Sorry i havent posted for a long time but Ive been having a little journey of my own and i was hoping there would be a happy ending but after ten years of ttc should i still expect anything different. 

To cut a long story short We are at the end of our 1st ICSI cycle, and what a rollercoaster it has been.  Alton towers does not have a look in. I didnt post during it as Cycle was so up and down and also nearly got cancelled due to poor response   and then IVF turned into ICSI on day of EC. I even had pg symptoms all the way through the 2ww, nausea and sore (.) (.) etc, no endo pains at all and got the shock of my life when i spotted on day 11 (Didint even make it to test day).

We are talking about doing short protocol next time, but im asking myself do i have the strength to go through all of this again. Ive even made an appointment with the counsellor (that isnt usually me) to try and get rid of this guilt feeling that I have let everyone down and failed my son and hubby. Will i ever stop crying!!!!

Anyway girlies hope you are all fine and well ,sorry to be doom and gloom. Also apologies for a me post but its the only place i can ramble dh has heard enough and i havent told anyone else. No family or friends know about our treatment cycle. Just you guys!!!!!! 

Best of luck to everyone and even though i dont post often you are all always in my thoughts
lots of          for forthcoming treatment and also au naturelle (leaf out of Pand's book) 

Bye for now Gab.xxxx 

P.s Hope you are also doing well Teena and still eating all those MacDonalds, feet up etc...ttfn..xxxx


----------



## drownedgirl

I have been struggling to shake a feeling of doom. Today I was out for the day with my sister and niece (don’t know about the IVF) and DS.

Went to the loo, blood, lots of it, red and brown. A few minutes later I passed some membranes. I have had enough miscarriages to recognise a gestational sac. But usually I have missed miscarriages, or early losses with low hcg.

All I can hope is that we started with two. Trying to get hold of the clinic and arrange an urgent scan. I feel so defeated. What is wrong with me?


----------



## dizzyloo

Drowned Girl I'm so sorry babes. Don't know what to suggest if the worst comes to the worst contact your local labour ward because some areas have early pregnancy triage services. They might be able to help you. Thinking of you. Nobody can imagine how desperate you must be feeling. I'm here if you need someone


----------



## nic68

sorry to hear your news drowned girl. hope you get some answer soon.

fingers crossed everything will be ok for you.

Nicola x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone

Sorry for the absence.  As  expected I got a BFN.  I started bleeding five days ago and it has been really heavy and I have been in a lot of pain.  Anyway, I didn't come on to post for me.

DG - I am so sorry.  I will send a pm.

Hissie - really sorry to hear what happened to yor brother.  I hope he is making good progress.

Gabrielle -  long time no speak!  I am sorry to hear what a bad time yo've been having.  Come and post some more, it makes me feel better when I come on here.  What's next?

Dizzyloo - thanks for the pm.  It is nice to know that people think of me in times of woe!  How are yoo?

As for everyone else.  Come back soon and yoo had better have a good excose for yo're absence!

Lainey x

PS sorry for the spelling errors, I spilled a glass of red wine over my keyboard and now it is not working properly.


----------



## drownedgirl

There are TWO both looking just fine, she said the bleeding is implantation.

I'm totally stunned.


----------



## nic68

Thats really good news drowned girl. 

Nicola x


----------



## dizzyloo

Hooray for drowned girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brilliant brilliant news.

Nice to see you back Lainey. Hope you're feeling a bit better.


----------



## nanook

Just a quickie will post more in week but DG what a releif I was close to tears reading your 1st post.  Fingers xd all will be fine............xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry no personals but Hi to everyone else and I really hope everyone will be fine - this weather does not help the old state o mind does it girls.

TTFN

x


----------



## hissie

for DrownedGirl!!!


Can anyone give me some idea of what the first appointment entails for IVF??

Thanks  

HUGS TO YOU ALL


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls
i am so sorry i have been awol again - i have been away for a few days one night in bham seeing my friend who is donating and then another friend in Glastonbury and I am back at my mums in somerset and collected my dh from the station on friday so we are having a few days here and some other family friends have arrived so we are having fun.  i also saw my dad and step mum for the night on sat.  cannot be long as should be laying the table and talking to people but feel bad its been so long.
i have missed you all but I have also been having a great time still.  we also have our big appt on wed 22nd and we hand over the 4k and sign the forms and its getting closer to the start date, i misread the text from my donor so looks like we will starting the third week of oct so I have two months to lose 2 stone and stop drinking!!!!
I feel so lucky to have the life I have at the moment and do hope tht things come around soon for you girls esp the ones hving a hard time,  we have had a few bfps now and its great so lets hope that we get some more very soon.
although i have not been on here much I am here for each and every one of you and when I get back properly after the hols i will be back on again more regualarly and probably won't be feeling so chirpy as ds will be back at school and the nights will be drawing in

Lainey- i am so sorry for your bfn and that you have been bleeding a lot and in pain - i feel so bad for you that it did not work- my thoughts are with you
hissie - i am so sorry about your brother and the stress you have been going through with it all - my thoughts are with you and I know how all consuming it can be but you need to look after yourself too 
cinders - sorry you have been feeling so down honey and its perfectly normal after all you have been through and I really hope that you have a good holiday - you both really deserve it and just get away from everything - i wish i could do something to make it better for you.  have a good time in bonnie scotland and I am sure all that fresh air and good scenery will make you feel better.
dizzylou- sorry that you are having to do so much waiting but i also think there is a good chance that the FET cycle could work for you.
Nanook- hope you are you doing ok
sarylou congrats on your engagement and what a great date to get married and it will be here before you know it and sorry you have had such a long journey and so pleased about your bank charges 
pand - good to hear from you again and sorry i realised I missed you out of my last post and did not mean too, i am so glad tht the scan went well and try not to worry too much although i know its easier said than done,  still over the moon for you and it will be great to meet up sometime and hope you have a lovely time in tenerife
emily caitlin - enjoy your break away too and we look forward to your return
gabrielle - nice to hear from you again but so sorry your icsi did not work and you have been through such a rollercoaster of a journey your comparason with a ride at alton towers really gets the image across well.  I also think counselling is a good idea and you can only gain and learn from it and i am sure it will really help you. also you are allowed to be down you know its perfectly normal and natural and we are all here for each other
teena- long time no hear - hope you are doing ok please come back and let us know how you are doing
drowned girl - so happy for you that everything is ok and that you are having twins how wonderful

dont have time at mo to look at the other thread but will do
really must go and be socialable but just wanted to let you know I am here for you all and I am sorry i have not been on here as much as i should have been
i wish you all the luck in the world and will be back properly soon
i hope that i have not missed anyone else and if i have you know how easy it is and it does not mean i am not thinking of you
take care my sweets
love you all
and wish you all the luck in the world
love

susie


----------



## TC2

Hi everyone.... sorry have been awol but all has not been well with us! Me i feel great but apparently my cervix isnt and have been in hosp with feet in air, bed rest, steroids and the very real possibility that the boys were going to make their entrance far far too soon.  Needless to say we went to hell and back and i didnt sleep for three nights, am still terrified but cervix holding (just) at 1cm!  Boyzs are very happy and in no rush, just a mechanical problem keeping them in.  Couldnt believe we had come so far and then might lose them, life is just so not fair (25 week twins wouldve been very risky.... Paediatrican said 50% chance of making in but of those 50%, 50% would have a disability, not good odds.  Anyway now we are at 27 and cant believe we are this much further on...they let me home on strict bed rest at home as i only live literally 5 mins from hospital.  So at 27 they have 85% chance of surviving at a much lower disability risk so sleeping just a bit better.  Sorry to come on with bad news but didnt want you to think i had abandoned you all in my la la land of being pregnant.  So every day is a plus right now and we are aiming for 28 weeks.....

Pand          Fantastis news!!!!!  Hope you enjoy your holiday!

Drowned Girl - sorry to hear about your hiccup but hope everything is now back on track.... Twins...double trouble...believe me!!!

Gabrielle - So sorry to hear your cycle was not exactly straightforward..... don't give up honey, they need to learn from what happened and change things for you.

Laisney -   was sad to read you got a BFN...was really hopeful for you.  Look after yourself.

Suzy - What a busy girl... great news that you are almost ready to go with treatment!!  see it does come round quicker than you think at the outset!  Carry on enjoying yourself.

Love to everyone else.....

Teena x


----------



## nanook

Hi Teena

Keeping everything crossed for you - well done so far Im thinking of you lots.

Hi to every one else - Hubby has now booked semen analysis for next Thurs. Called hosp earlier to try to make appointment to see consultant and left message but (shockingly) no one has bothered to call back.  Will keep you all posted though and will write more when Ive got more to say!!!!

Hope everyone is ok.

Love to all.

xx


----------



## dizzyloo

Nanook, have you considered changing hospitals? sounds like they are really giving you the run around. Is it NHS or private treatment.
Hope DH has fun!


----------



## nanook

Hi Dizzy.

Its NHS.  Im gonna wait till tom cos hubby is gonna try to change his test for the week after cos of work committments and then phone up. Looks like Im gonna have to get ****ty with them again - its a constant uphill struggle to get any kind of response from them - when I do get to see my consultant Im gonna make it clear that Im still not happy. The fact that his secretary is a waste of time dosent help matters much.  We could change but my actual consultant is really good its just all the others at the hospital. all rather deflating to be honest!!

How are you anyway my lovely??


----------



## dizzyloo

I must say that you'll be amazed at the effect a formal written complaint can have! As much as it pains me to say it, sometimes the NHS is more concerned about their figures and the number of written complaints they receive than peoples actual experience. Don't worry that they will treat you any different, you usually find if someone complains they will bend over backwards to stop it happening again!

Am feeling okay at the moment, enjoying a few weeks off work, although trying to find things to entertain DD in this god awful weather is a bit of a challenge. It is amazing how you go through something really horrible and at the time think "how am I ever going to feel better" and then a month or two later you find yourself thinking about it less and can actually move on without having to try. I was supposed to go for counselling yesterday but in the end decided that I didn't need it because I've got my FF!

How is everyone else, sorry I'm always really rubbish at giving messages to everyone cos when I click back onto the thread I find I've lost my post and have to start again!


----------



## nanook

GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!  

I apologise in advance for this message but I am SO angry I could rip the head off of something with my bare hands!!    

Yesterday, I tried to make an appointment at the clinic - left a message - no reply.

Today, dh tried to change semen analysis test due to work committments to the week after next.  Called hospital 3 times, left a message, no reply.

Then!!  Letter through the sodden door - appointment for 3rd DECEMBER!!!!!!  FFS!
I am fuming!  On our last visit we were basically fobbed off as I had made a complaint, and now we are away from the hospital again it is apparent that no one could give a toss.

Why is this such hard work??  It seems they are only really bothered with the pregnant women - they are the only ones who get any care. Why, when I do go into the hospital I have to walk past the entrance to the labour ward??  This is all so unfair and I feel so depressed right now I just wish I could shut myself away and stop trying to pretend Im alright for everyone elses sake.


----------



## nanook

Yes hospital bending over backwards - for the time being anyway. Took all of yesterday afternoon and a lot of complaining and a lot of tears.

still peed off.

where is every1   Im all lonely on here!

x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Nanook.  Sorry you are having a bad time.  The time will fly and you will be having treatment before you know it, trust me, I know. I am sending you a hug in the mean time  

Teena - sorry to hear that you have been having a worrying time.  Each day that passes will make it a little safer for them and I have my fingers crossed for you.  Thanks for thinking of me.

Dizzy - how are you doing?

Sarylou - congrats on the engagement.

Pand/Cinders/Suzsy - I hope you have all had good breaks, I have missed you on here.  It has been lonely  

I am going away on Sunday, we have booked a last minute break to Spain so I probably won't post again before I go.  

See you when I'm browner  

Lainey x


----------



## nanook

Thanks Lainey have a great holiday x


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls

I am back again - feel a bit guilty having a good time being away when others are suffering but I am back probably for good now (might do one more this weekend as it will be our last before school starts on Tuesday) and I do seem to forget about some of the problems when I am away!  As have said before not looking forward to him going back to school but will give me a chance to lick my body into shape!!!  not looking forward to the nights drawing in or the cold but hopefully we will have a warm Sep and Oct which will be nice and the injections will not effect me!

Nanook - so sorry about the troubles you have been having with the hospitals and I can imagine how mad you are feeling all of which is not particularly good for you and I do hope that the complaining gets you somewhere, as we have all said before we feel like second rate citizens and it drives us all mad, do hope that you get somewhere soon

Lainey - so sorry you have been feeling lonely think its just holiday time and it will all be back to normal soon and then you won't be able to keep up.  Enjoy your break in spain and that will do you the world of good, sometimes think a holiday esp abroad in the sunshine can do wonders for you.

teena - so sorry to hear about the trouble you have been having and do hope that that cervix of yours holds out.

Pand - HOw are you doing , how are you feeling, what have you been up to?

dizzylou- glad you are feeling a bit better and think having a few weeks off work and spending time with what you have makes one feel better - I know sometimes with the weather it can be hard and mine is so spoilt he was complaining about only doing one thing today!!! cheeky little monkey!!

Hissie - hope you brother is ok and you are not too exhausted about all the travelling and hopefully he will soon get better and you will all be back to normal although know things like this take their toll on everyone.  Try and take some time out for your self too as you need to rest and relax as well.

sarylou - love to you too honey - what are you up to.

Gabrielle - How are you feeling today honey, please do come back on as we are here for you.  How have you been getting on with the counsellor - have they been helping and don't forget what you have been going through is very hard and its perfectly normal to be down as well and have the feelings you have been having.

emily caitlin - hope you are enjoying your holiday too.

Cinders - hope you are enjoying your hol and bet you come back feeling a million dollars

Thats about all from me folks.
Take care and look after yourselves and i will be back again soon.
lots of love and      
love
Susie


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

I'm back and I'm really sorry some of you have been feeling so lonely and we haven't been here!

Hissie - I'm really glad you have decided to go to your appointment I think its the right decision.  Good luck with your Uni course... what are you going to study?  As for the first IVF appointment is it the very first time you will see the consultant? My very first appointment consisted of the consultant referring me to the clinic, then filling in loads of forms for various blood and semen tests and briefly explaining the procedure.  Then we had an "Induction Chat" with an IVF nurse about 4 weeks later which took about an hour where she went through the procedure in great detail, explaining risks etc and then we had to sign a load more forms, giving permission to disclose information to the HFEA, the welfare of the child forms etc.  Hope this helps a bit.  That's as far as we got but if you want to ask me anything just shout.

Emily Caitlin - Hope you had a lovely time in the Lake District and you are nice and relaxed!

Gabrielle - I am truly gutted about your ICSI.  I was really hoping that no news was good news and was really upset when I read your post.  Those pregancy symptoms can be so cruel during the 2ww can't they?  Please don't feel like you have let anyone down hun.  None of this is your fault.  You cannot control what your body does and doesn't do, and you haven't done anything like take loads of drugs or become an alcoholic that would affect the outcome, so you can't blame yourself.  It's just a cruel twist of nature and nothing to do with you.  Your dh will feel the same I'm sure.  Just try to look forward and cling onto the next procedure.  When will you be able to start?

Drownedgirl - there I was catching up on all of the posts and I nearly had a heart attack when I read yours!  What a scare!  So glad that it's two healthy little bundles in there!  How many weeks are you now?  Every week ticked off is another step forward so sit tight and let us know how you get on!

Lainey-Lou - What can I say.  I'm so disappointed for you flower.  I was really hoping when I got back off my holiday you would have posted with a BFP.  You must be absolutely devastated.  I'm so sorry.  Come and chat if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Nanook - I could actually feel your anger emanating from the computer and who can blame you!  A few months in a consultant's diary is nothing to them, but an eternity to us.  It's just so horrible feeling so powerless and at the mercy of these faceless doctors who couldn't give a stuff about the awful emotions we have to go through.  Just keep badgering them hun, you will get there.  Don't give up.

Suzy - Your treatment is getting closer and closer.  I am so excited but so scared too.  I really have got everything crossed for you.  Please keep us posted every step of the way. Glad you have been enjoying yourself over the holidays.  I've had a ball with my little one and wish I didn't have to go back to work next week, but never mind!

Cinders - How you doing honey?  Hope your holiday was the break you needed and that you come back your usual strong and positive self.  We've missed you.

TC2 - God it just doesn't get easier does it?  After everything we've been through, you'd think we would deserve easy pregnancies wouldn't you, but I guess with twins it's never going to be straight forward!  You will be able to give drownedgirl some excellent advice tho.  Please make sure that you do absolutely nothing for the next few weeks and fingers crossed those gorgeous little boys hang on in there for at least a couple more weeks.  Please keep us posted, I will be worrying about you!

Dizzylou - Hi hun, hope you are ok!


I think that's everyone now!  We had a fantastic time in Teneriffe even if the weather wasn't too great!  I feel really rested and chilled out and so far everything is going ok.  I keep worrying that because I don't have too many pregancy symptoms something is wrong.  I guess its just natural given that we've got so much riding on this!  Back to work next week and I'm really not looking forward to it!  Oh to win the flipping lottery.... well I guess I already have in some respects!  I guess I've used up my good luck quota for the next ten years, so work it is!!!  Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining!  I wouldn't change a thing!

Hi to anyone I've missed!

Lots of love and speak soon#

Amanda


----------



## hissie

This is a quick message before I go to bed. Aplogies for never having the time to fully reqad and digest this thread. I seem to be living at the hospital these days. My brother is still a resident in hospital, been just over a month now. On a positive note, he does appear to be improving (fingers crossed).

Well, thanks Pand for the IVF info, much appreciated. My appointment is at 10:50am tomorrow (30th August). I've got my passport photos and will have the urine sample ready in the morning    I just hope I start feeling more positive about the whole thing


----------



## hissie

Well a quick update. My appointment was a waste of time to be honest. I kinda back at square one. The consultant now dosen't think I'll get NHS funding because I've had a tubal tie   I'm in no financial position to fund it unfortunatly, so it looks like I'm childless.

As always, I wish you all who are ttc the very best of luck, and thank you for your endless support.


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls 
just a quickie as did a long one the other night just wanted to say

Pand - lovely to hear from you and glad you had a good holiday and sorry you have to go back to work but do take it easy when you do - also try not to worry although easier said than done.  look after yourself.

Hissie - so sorry about your appt being a waste of time, these people just don't seem to realise how much they are messing with our lives and all the waiting and hoping for the appts - its so frustrating and I am sorry you seem no further forward.  Try and keep positive if you can but I know its hard.  Wish I could do something to help you.

Love and hugs and support as ever to the rest of you
take care
love
susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Hi everyone hope you are all coping with kids going back to school. Its all been a bit quiet so hopefully that means everyone is off doing lovely things before the rain comes again!

Hissie, thats so hard for you. Don't give up just yet, if it's a case of money thats a problem that can sometimes be solved and not having kids is a huge price to pay. Keep positive and think about the things that matter. We are rapidly getting up to our eyeballs in debt through all this so you are in good company.

Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice. Am about to start FET next month and had a prolactin check because it had been a bit elevated a few months ago (635). The test came back reading 929 and they are saying we can't have any more treatment until it comes down. Have had it retested today so fingers crossed. But anyone got any experience of this? the clinic said it was common.


----------



## hissie

Thanks SUSZY & dizzyloo.

Money is a problem. My partner has just finished his degree and I'm just about to start one. We don't have a mortgage and live in rented accomodation. Unfortunatly, we have been unable to save much due to pressures with Uni ect.

At the moment, I'm just concentrating on arriving at Uni in one piece. Got to carry on with life don't you.


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies 

Hope its ok to join in. Didn't know this thread exsisted. Think it might be the one for me because i have a 12yr old son [who thinks he's 18]. With DH 8 years. TTC for 5. Just had 1st ivf BFN. Having FET this month. Hoping to have transfer on the 11th. Wishing all you ladies good luck.


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,  
Just popping in with a quick hi! Have felt need to be away from ff for a few weeks, as was fertilityfriendoholic! But haven't missed much! Looks like lots of you are having a little break away! Very quiet on here indeed!
Big welcome to Lyndalou, put your feet up and I'll get the kettle on!
Your son sounds fun!!! Sorry to hear about your bfn. I understand.  
 for FET on 11th.
Hopefully, our ff's will be back from wherever they are soon.
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hey Cinders really glad you're back. How are you doing? Have you got a plan about what to do next or are you still licking your wounds?
Welcome Lyndalou, its going to be confusing when lainey lou comes back!
Hissie, good luck with big school. Hope you enjoy it, what course are you doing
Where is everyone? Be nice to know where you are all up to. 
Had a minor disaster this week, after harrassing my doctor they rechecked my prolactin which had gone sky high, clinic then refused to do FET until I had seen an endocrinologist. Talk about making mountains out of molehills because I demanded they repeat it, and guess what it had gone back down. Its still high compared to the norm but that seems to be my normal level. Anyway just waiting for AF to arrive and then we try again. Anyway got any tips for preparing for FEt although probably a bit late now.
Anyway off to Weymouth this week for a few days and then next week I start my night class in DIY!!! (anything not to have to think about sodding infertility!)


----------



## lainey-lou

God, where is everyone!  Please come back, I need you  

I am about to start 2nd cycle and could do with some support.  Everyone has gone awol.

Welcome Lyndalou, it is not normally this quiet on here.

Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Hi Lainey,
Here I am....over here.......this way..........  There you go, hi.
Come on you big brave girl, you can do it!
Cindersxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

WARNING:  VERY DEPRESSING POST.

Sorry haven't been on for a while.  It's not good news I'm afraid.  I've just got out of hospital after having a horrendous miscarriage.  My little one is gone.  Not such a miracle after all.  The bleeding started on Friday night and carried on all weekend.  On Sunday night had horrendous pains and severe blood loss combined with fainting.  Taken to hospital in an ambulance cos my BP fell thro the floor.  Baby removed and that's that.

Am flucutating between anger, numbness, despair, misery and a strange sense of normality.  It seems like it never really happened.  I have nothing of my little one to remember them by, no scan pictures nothing.  To make it worse, someone at work is also pregnant and was at exactly the same stage as me so when I go back on Monday I have to watch her growing and blooming, whilst I'm empty.

I spent the last few weeks wandering around in this wonderful bubble of happiness.  No matter what happened I felt so happy I just didn't care.  Now I'm back to square one and as low as can be.  How can one person be so unlucky and have so much pain?

I swear to god if one more person says to me "Well at least you know you can get pregnant," I'm going to punch their f**cking lights out.  Do they have any idea how much we went through and what a fluke this pregancy was?  It's not going to happen again overnight, if ever.  I can't just go out and start trying again knowing that I will eventually get pregnant like other people.  I'm like you guys.  I have had to battle for nearly two years to get to where I am now.  I can't bear the thought that I've got to go through it all again.  I have nothing to look forward to.  My baby is gone. 

Sorry to depress you all.  I will try to be more postive next time, but at the moment I just cannot make sense of what's happened and why it keeps happening to me.  I'm a good person, I work hard, I'm caring and I never hurt other people.  I thought that meant that good things should happen to me, but instead I get pain and suffering.  Perhaps I ought to just be a complete b*tch.  I doesn't seem to make any difference.  So today, I'm being selfish.  I'm thinking just about me and I will make up for the personals another time.

Sorry.

Amanda


----------



## lainey-lou

Pand honey, I am so sorry.  I can't even begin to understand what you are going through.  I am sending you a  , although it doesn't seem nearly enough.

You can pm me anytime.  Why? Why does this happen?  I am afraid it does not discriminate, it doesn't matter that you are a good person, I am afraid this can happen to anyone.  It does seem so unfair.

We are all here for you, we are all in the same boat so we understand.  Please don't feel alone.

Sending you loads of love

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Sorry I have been away girls - see below but firstly

Pand - I am so so so sorry, I have tears streaming down my face and cannot believe this has happened to you after all you have been through and also quite late on - you have rightly so been over the moon these last couple of months how can they whoever it is up there take this away from you - its so unfair and I am angry and upset for you and just cannot imagine what you and family are going through     and here are lots of      .
Life is a ***** and its just not fair that we all have to go through all this.  I wish there was something I could do or say but all I can do is offer you my sympathy love and support.  To be honest m/c is my worst fear and I am not sure if I would be strong enough to go through another one and would rather not get preg than have another, I know that is a strong thing to say but I mean it and is another big reason why I have given up on my own eggs.  not that that helps you but you are a strong lady and you have been through so much already.  We are all here for you when you are ready to come back.  Lots of love and support.

Lainey - good luck with your second cycle and we are all here for you and to support you and we might even be cycle buddies (see update at bottom.  how have you been sweetheart?

Cinders - lovely to hear from you darling- think we all n eed a break from time to time and I have been off for a week or so and was hardly on over the summer, think now the hols are over we will all be back a little bit more.

dizzy have a good time in weymouth and enjoy the course, good idea to take your mind of stuff, glad that result was better and do 
hope that FET goes well.

Hissie - sorry money is such a problem but good luck with your  uni course and when you get that fab job and earn lots of dosh you will have some money once you pay the debts off!!! life is hard isn't it.  good luck though

lyndalou - welcome to this thread and as you can see we are a nice bunch and yes its very quiet at mo but will soon liven up within a few weeks.  you are welcome to stay as we are friendly but they did start a thread for people with kids over 10 if you wanted to take a look at that as well.

nanook - how are you - let us know what you have been up to

gabrielle - how are you honey - would love to hear from you soon

emily caitlin hope your hol went well

Just a quick update although feel bit guilty after what Pand been through but think I told you all the appts went well so we were all set to start when my donor started her Af which she did last Fri, so I start DRing on 26 Sep (not looking foward to the drugs or the swelling or the mood swings as have been feeling quite happy!) then prov date for first scan 10 Oct and then 19 Oct (but does dep on how either of us respond to drugs and that my lining behaves etc) then EC possible Mon/Tues/Wed of week commencing 29th Oct with ET a couple days after or longer dep on whether we go to blastyst!  All very exciting and nerve racking and its weird to think that this really could work for us and if not on a fresh cycle then  a frozen one and if all fails we can move on.  Have not had much time to really think about it as went straight on a hen weekend in London which involved pole dancing! driving in a limo and a drag queen caberet with 19 other girls! The hen my cousin is 15 weeks preg which not brill timing but as we know girls she knows she is lucky to catch as she is 38 and she still had fun, she gets married at end of month so I should be able to have a couple and then of course after ET its all strictly off the menu! my dhs brother gets married on 5th Nov so we have warned them.  Dh even told them he might leave me behind but I will go but just be careful.
so as you can see its all happening at long last
ds went back to school and that has been hard as he gets so tired, only seems to play with girls but as all the parties are smaller this year don't think he will get invited to them and does not play with many boys so getting a bit worried about that as well as him being a reluctant reader and writer and the teacher scared me today with spelling tests so really not looking forward to that bit.
although I am so excited I am a  bit concerned re side effects of drugs and of course not looking forward to the inj but its all in a good cause.
anyway love to you all esp the ones who have not posted for a while.
would love to hear from you
once again pand I am so sorry re your terrible news and thinking of you
sorry if this msg is a bit over the place but need to get to bed
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Oh Pand,
So close, and now so far. I am GUTTED for you  . I think a bfn is bad enough, but a m/c just must be totally and utterly heart breaking. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
I hope you can get some comfort from each other (you and dh that is) once you have recovered from the shock. Does ds know about it?
I think you would find lots of comfort on the pregnancy loss board if you have time to scroll through it. Though of course we are here, they will understand so completely.
Life is very unfair at times.

Hello to everyone else.

Love for now,
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

To Pand
Thinking of you      

    

   

sent with lots of love

Susie


----------



## nanook

OMG Pand -        

What a load of sh*t life is sometimes - I wish I could come and take all your pain away.......I really dont know what to say hunni Im so sorry for what has happened. Am sending you all my love and hugs.   

I came on here to say my appointment has been changed again and Im actually laughing about it this time cos its so f*cking unbeleivable, but that dosent seem to matter any more now Ive read the awful news.

Please dont give up Pand... 

Im gonna go have a little cry myself now.

Am thinking of you.  xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Well I'm still here if a little loopy at the moment.  Thanks for all of your lovely messages and sorry if I have upset you guys as well.  Don't you get so tired of always being the bearers of bad news and upsetting everyone?

Have  been very up and down, and cried buckets the last few days.  Have ranged from feeling ok, to angry, to frustrated to full of despair.  Yesterday was a particularly bad day.  Am now convinced that my life is just one long pattern of awful events and each one gets worse than the one before.  I have no idea what the next event will be but the only thing that can be worse than this is something happening to my little man.  That sent me into a real tail spin yesterday.  I'm now absolutely petrifiied something is going to happen to him.

Feeling vaguely more human today tho.  Wish I had something to cling on to.  I so want to be pregnant again but have to wait three months to start trying.  Then we have an awful choice to make.  Do we try naturally (as it worked this time) and risk it being ectopic (which knowing my luck it will be if it works) or do we go straight to IVF which we can ill afford and I'm dreading.  In some respects it would have been better if this hadn't happened at all.  I was in a very positive place and ready for the IVF.

Does anyone know if they check embryos for chromosonal abnormalities in IVF?  They think that is what caused this miscarraige.

I am following everyone else's journey's too and I've got everything crossed for you Suzy. Nanook I think laughing about how riduculous these appointments are is probably the best way to cope with it but I'm sure that's the last thing you feel like doing.  Lainey-Lou and Cinders thanks for you kind words.  I will check out the pregnancy loss board.  

As always thank you all for you support.  You make life just that bit more bearable.

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,

Pand, good to see you posting. You should try and keep letting it out, crying and talking is all good. All part of healing. I know what you mean about worrying about your ds, I am in severe danger of becoming overprotective mother!! It's because we love them SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...... much!! Dd has started school, and was picked up by childrens club on wednesday, as I was at work. I was so stressed...would the teacher remember to hand her over to childrens club? Would childrens club remember to collect her? Would she be safe crossing the road with them? Ohhhhhh god, the stress.... 
Think you can have embryos tested for abnormalties. But is scary process, where they take a cell from the embryo to examine. Is it called PGD? Or PGS? Pre genetic screening? I may well be talking through my bottom here. Perhaps someone else wil be able to talk more sense?! Hope so!

We had our review today. We are going to take a break from treatment untill next year. But we our considering a laparoscopy, what do you think?
For next treatment we are considering blastocyst transfer, heparin and aspirin.

Hi Suszy, good to have you back! Getting very close and exciting now! Probably nerve racking too? How is your wonderful donor doing?

Hey Nannook, sorry you are being messed around (again!) How much longer will you have to wait?

Hi Lainey, how you doing? Have you started your drugs yet?

I'm going to have early night. Have sore throat again!

Love to all, including you absentees!  

Cindersxx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
I really need to get to bed but just wanted to say I love you all and think you are one amazing bunch of women.

Pand - glad to see you posting and sorry you had such a bad day but it is perfectly understandable and you are going to have lots of bad days and then some good ones and despite what we think now with time we will start to smile a bit more each day for our existing ones sake if nothing else.  Do understand about you being over protective think we all are and I still pick mine up and hold him if he cries at school!  Re the chrom testing - think thats what our cons suggested to us but it costs 2K and am sure its stressful.  Think for now just take some time out like you have to and think about it again in a few weeks as there is no rush now although I know how important it is to have a plan.  good luck sweetheart and thinking of you as ever and sending you healing.

Cinders - a break sounds good too although I know that those reveiw appts can be horrible and make one feel down.  You have been through such a lot that a complete break for a while might do you good but of course you do need to keep posting on here!  still not sure what a laparoscropy is but sounds painful I also think that blatocyst transfer (if they have enough eggs) is a good way to go.  We plan to do that if the embrologist says its ok as feel that will be a much better chance.
Yes I am excited and nervous and now the drugs have arrived as well its really scary as there are so many needles and syringes etc
not heard from my donor for a few days she has just been away on a girly trip but am sure she is fine and we spoke last Friday and we are both so excited to be starting and I know how lucky I am.

Nanook - I just cannot believe they have changed your appt again, what the hell is their excuse, what possible reason can they have for putting you off again, think you need to write lots of complaint letters, we could even start a petition!

Lainey - how you doing sweetheart??

love and hugs to the rest of you - must go and get some sleep

take care

love

susie


----------



## fallen angel

Hi ladies just wondered if it would be okay for me to join you? I am secondary unexplained. To give you a brief history I am 26 dh is 38, I have a ds aged 8 from ex husband and dh has 2 children from ex wife aged 19 and 14. We have been ttc for over 2 years and I also ttc with my ex husband for 2 years with no success so 4 years in all. All tests we have done have come back fine so we are unexplained. I was put on clomid but over responded so have now been taken of it and told to ttc naturally until next appointment in november. Its looking as though I will be referred for iui next.
I am feeling a little bit down at the moment as it just seems I am not getting anywhere and I really dont understand why, neither does my cons. I have conceived 3 times in the past resulting in ds, one m/c and one termination, all conceived so easily, once while taking contraception! However since then nothing, and its really starting to get me down now. I thought it might help me to join this board where I can chat to other ladies in same position as me. Hope this will be okay, thankyou, love to all, FA x


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## honeyprincess

Hey 

 I have missed you all!  


Well girls firstly I would like to say sorry for not being here for ages, thank u to those who have sent me messages, it helps to know people care, I have not been coping with things....but I back and i will try and keep up with you busy chatting girlies!! 

Well I had abnormal cells picked up on my smear test so monday i have a colposcopy to see whats wrong and if treament is needed, very worried and also feel my lady bits have had enough of being prodded and poked with all the fertility test and we havent even started treatment yet!

So anyway we have our 1st app with oford fertility clinic wednesday, thats for the councelling that is needed for us to then go on to have DI, seems very real now and pooing myself, My tests came back that my tubes are open and fine but my scan showed no ovulation so they sent me for more blood tests as you know i hate them to check for pcos, anyway they showed nothing as were done too early in cycle!!!!   But they didnt bother doing anymore, guess thats cuz we need tx anyway so they will just give me meds and hope i ovulate!! 
So next week is gonna be a stressful.


Amanda: Hope you are slowely feeling better hope you recieved my pm i sent yesterday? As for testing chromosomes with IVF I'm not sure on that, guess you could ring your clinic and ask hunni, but im sure someone with more knowledge then me(im dumb  ) will know.
 Thinking of you.

Hi to everyone else Im sorry I will post personals when i get a spare hour!!!!
I have lots of cards to make so thats keeping me busy.


Love to u all 
Laura xxxxx


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## lainey-lou

Hey all

Honey Princess - welcome back.  Soz to hear you have been having a difficult time, join the club - that seems to be the way of things on here at the moment.

Welcome Fallen Angel.  Please feel free to join us on here anytime, all are welcome.  We all understand the situation you are in, I think you will find it useful posting on here.

Pand- good to hear from you, glad to hear you are feeling a bit more normal.  Time is a great healer (cliche but true).  A lot of us on here have suffered the heartache of m/c so understand what you are going through.  Lots of love to you x

Suzy - glad to hear that things are finally moving for you.  You must be soooo excited, I am quite jealous.  Good luck with everything.

Cinders - it will probably do you good to have a break from treatment.  I don't know what is involved with a laparoscopy, sounds painful.  Why do you feel you need one?  What do they show?

Nanook  - sorry your appointment has been put back again.  God it makes you angry doesn't it.

AF arrived yesterday, so first injection tonight.  On the IVF rollercoaster again.  Don't feel very positive really, just going through the motions.  Feel I have to do this to say that I have tried everything.  I know this is the wrong attitude but don't want to get my hope up again to have them dashed.  Just want it to be over with so I can move on.  Does this sound stupid?

Love to everyone I have missed out.

Lainey x
x


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

No Lainey that dosent sound stupid at all! I totally get what you mean - I hope it works for you Honey cos you sound a bit dispondant at the mo.

As for the Laparoscopy Ive had Two now - they make Two small incisions - One in your belly button and one kind of in your pelvisey nether region area (Sorry, Im extremely hungover today so may not make much sense) and then they put gas into you and pass some dye through to see if your tubes are clear (thats what they were looking at with me anyway).  Its ok and pretty painless although afterwards you get a pain up in your neck where the gas has travelled up.  They tell you to rest up and all that but to be honest I never really have, thats just me though I was up and about almost straight after my C section to be honest, Im not one for sitting around watching everone else do everything!

My appointment is on Monday - I know it wasnt a long wait but it just annoyed me that even though Ive complained formally Twice now they still couldnt give a t**s - its at Three o clock (just when school kicks out) so Ive had to arrange childcare etc ....  Im actually finding the whole thing laughable now to be honest - I cant believe how incompetent these admin people in the hospital really are!  I dont think any of them could arrange a pi*s up in a Brewery let alone run a hospital department!!

Im close to sticking Two fingers up to the whole thing to be honest.  Decided against egg share as cant get over giving someone else my eggs, which no matter how nicely it gets dressed up they are always gonna be half my children, somewhere, and Ill never get my head around that.  I would like to help another couple, Im not totally selfish or anything I just know Id never be able to get it out of my head and it would eat away at me.  I think too much - thats my problem!!!.


SO!  - that leaves IVF which we cant afford at all.

Other than that its just a case of trying naturally and seeing what happens - what will be will be.    Now we know my tubes are clear Im kind of living in hope again each month.  Im thinking of getting a part time job so if it does happen itll probably be just as I start that or something (sods law lol). Its not that Im suddenly not bothered or anything I just think its time I stopped putting my life on hold 'just in case', - does that sound awful?!??

Ill let you all know how my appointment goes on Monday anyway guys.

Sorry I havent really done any personals but being as hungover as I am (and blonde) I cant actually remember what Ive just read! 

Hope you are all ok, and big hugs and lots of love to all!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ive just read this through and wanted to apologise for being all me, me, me - I really do care about everyone else and I really do hope you're all ok - havent heard from Drowned Girl in a while........... thinking of you all anyway xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hey guys just back from holidays
Pand, that is just so horrific. I hope you and Dh are loving each other and taking good care. I know you said you haven't got a scan to remember the baby by, but have you thought of a little memorial. I planted a white rose bush when I had my miscarriage and it sounds a bit corny, but it's all covered in flowers now and I can't help but think of it as something positive.
Lainey- my goodness another cycle already! I know what you mean about it being harder the second time. the first time you assume you will be the lucky one but when it goes wrong once you lose the faith. Everything crossed for you
Nanook- You still sound you are really having a tough time. I have to say my experience over the past two years is you just can't plan your life around something that is only a possibility. Otherwise it just becomes so all consuming. Hence the evening class in DIY which starts next week!!!! I'll get back to you to let you know if it has any effect on my mental state whatsoever.
Suszy- Wow that all sounds super complicated, don't know how you are coping with worrying about someone elses body as well as yours. How are you feeling with the treatment.
Hello to fallen angel and honey princess and anyone else I've forgotten.

Had first scan ready for FET in a couple of weeks hoping against hope that my little frosties survive the thaw. Only have two so its all  a bit fraught. I have to say I had the most wonderful time while we were in Dorset, we found a beach called Charmouth beach, the sun was shining, DD playing naked in the rock pools and for the first time in months I finally felt at peace. Its funny you never realise how bad you are feeling until you start feeling better. looking back the last six months have been a dark and scary place in my head and I so don't want to go back there.
Anyway love to you all girls and heres hoping for a few BFP's over the next few weeks.


----------



## hissie

Pand I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss   

I really hope you take good care of yourself and you hubby takes good care of you and himself too.

My thoughts are with you Pand, keep strong! 


Hi gurls. Hope everyone is fine. It's great that we all try and look after each other on this forum


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
Just a quickie as really must get to bed - when I come on here it just gets so late think I might have to limit myself to a couple of times a week!

Pand - thinking of you as ever and do hope that you are feeling a bit better although its going to take a long time.  sending you lots of love and     

Honey princess - so nice to hear from you again, we have missed you and so glad you are feeling bit better now, I know its hard and sometimes we do just need to take time out but you know we are all  here for each other and you.  good luck for the colopsy and let us know how you get on, thinking of you and we are here for you and we have missed you so good to have you back.

Lainey- good luck with the injections and this next ivf and do so hope this works out for you and don't blame you for feeling how you do esp after all you have been through, fingers crossed.  Still trying to understand all the ivf stuff and everyone seems to be doing it a bit different or are these your stimming ones.  I am very excited but also very nervous, just cannot believe how close it is now esp after reading about everyone elses feels weird i will be down regging in about 10 days time.  we will be close together though.
take care sweetheart and fingers crossed.

Hissie - Hope you are doing ok sweetheart?

fallenangel - welcome and good luck and we are here for you as we do know how it feels and no matter whether you have none or one or two when you want a baby you want a baby.  you have come to the right place and just keep posting and you will soon get to know us all.

Dizzylou- Glad you had a good time in Dorset and know what you mean about not realising how bad you were until afterwards, I feel the same about last oct/nov/dec/jan and one of my fears about the down reg injections is they make you moody and don't want to be after feeling fine these last few months.  I am glad you are feeling better and you deserve it and Good luck with the FET scans and I am sure those two frosties will be fine.  I like the idea of the rose bushes, I meant to do something like that and did not but I suppose its not too late.

Cinders - how are you feeling after your decision of a break , are you going to keep posting on here or just pop in sometimes, I think its a hard one as we will miss you but if you need to not come on so much for a while we will understand as well,whatever thinking of you and sending you lots of    be kind to yourself you have been through a lot .

nanook - good luck for the appt tomorrow esp after all your waiting and don't be too nice to them (or horrible for that matter) try and just be firm and assertive and make comments about how long you have had to wait or maybe you should not.  and don't worry for telling us how you feel etc thats what we are here for and sometimes we need to get down about how we are feeling and what we are doing next and its what we are here for and the next time you come on you have to let us know how you got on. You know what this site is like now we are all here for each other and some days we do the supporting and the others the next one does, sometimes we rant and rave, sometimes we listen, we just all do whatever we feel like and we are all here for each other!

dizzylou - hope you are having a good time in weymouth and that the sun is shining for you.

hi to lyndalou not sure if you coming back or gone to the over 10 thread.

anyway girls love and luck to you all as ever and do think the world of you all you special girls.
not much to say different than last time other than have drugs now and have to work them all out and its a week wed that I start, cannot believe its here so soon but as we know time does speed past.
take care be back soon
love
susie


----------



## nanook

hello

My son is ill and I couldnt go to my appointment - I emailed the medical secretary but she didnt get back to me.  And, do you know what??  I dont even care! and I feel better feeling like this than I have in the past few years tbh.  I know you probably think Im mad but I have had enough of all this baby stuff consuming my every moment.... as I said last time, if I get pregnant I get pregnant, if I dont Im not going out of my way to change things anymore.  Yes, Ill be upset if I dont but thats life, and life pretty much sucks.  Thinking of going to college or doing an open university thing or something - havent got a clue what Id like to do though!

Ive had the awful news today that someone I know (my DH works with the bloke and they live just down the road so we sort of know her but not really friends as such) - well, she was due to have a baby next week, and she found out on Saturday that the little girl had died in her womb.....  I cant imajine how they must be feeling right now.  Ive been in tears on and off all day thinking of it.

Makes me feel SO lucky to have my perfect ds and am gonna try to just be grateful for what I have, instead of concentrating on what I havent got!

Love to you all

xx


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## SUSZY

Dear Nanook     to you.
I hope Ds gets better soon!
Think it was meant to be re this appt and glad you are feeling so good about it, sometimes it feels so good to muck them about doesn't it and sometimes things just happen so that we cannot attend.  Are you going to phone and rearrange or just wait a while, the trouble with waiting until you feel right like I did is that it then takes more weeks and months to get the appt and on the path that you want to be if you know what I mean.  I don't blame you re concentrating on what you have and think we all have phases of that and it does remind us how lucky we are to hve the one special one we have.  Hopefully if you ttc naturally it might happen.
good luck.
That sounds terrible re the girl down the road and its not the first time I have heard about that happening, I just cannot imagine what that must be like and don;t think its something you could recover from.  Everyones real nightmare and reminds you again how lucky we are to have our ones - why is life so cruel and why do this terrible things happen to some people.
Anyway sweetheart, be kind to yourself too.  Sending you love and cuddles

Meant to say hi to Emily Cailtin and also hi to Gabrielle - how are you doing.
also to teena as not heard for a while.
love to all of you and esp   to Pand.

probably won't come on later now but will catch up tomorrow.
take care
love
Susie


----------



## nanook

Thanks Suzy xx


----------



## izzie

Hi Everyone
Hope it's OK to join in.  There seem to be so many areas to post, but I guess I'm a secondary girl!  It's been so helpful to read your posts and the positive thoughts that there could be a light at the end of the tunnel.  My story - Me and DH conceived DD naturally in 02 and it seems that we have been ttc ever since.  I tried two IUI's after being told I have low Ovarian Reserve, highest FSH at 16 and lowest 9.  I've just started my Menophur jabs last night (on short protocol).........It seems so painful compared with puregon jab. Also managed to lose half the liquid on table, hopefully technique will improve. Don't know if anyone has experienced the same, but since having my daughter I seem to have really suffered with PMT - the swollen boobs, grumpy, moody, tearful type. Really worried about the emotional side of stimms, dh is taking cover! I always felt quite hormonally balanced before getting pregs. Think that maybe DD pressed the DO NOT WANT A SIBLING button on the way out of uterus!  We discussed the baby brother/sister scenario with her yesterday and its a firm NO. Well we didn't give in on the cake for breakfast request so shall stand our ground on this one too and keep trying!

love, best wishes and lots of positive thoughts to you all Izzie xx


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## cinders35

Hey Izzie,
Welcome aboard. Come in, sit down, someone get that kettle on! ferrero rocher I'm such a classy bird!!!
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hi Nanook, how is ds?
Hi Suszy, getting so excited for you. I'm sure the drugs won't be as bad as you think. It's great that you are going in to treatment after a lovely summer off with ds. I'm sure it will make you feel stronger for the days ahead. I think my posting may be a bit hit and miss as I am taking some time off treatment. But thanks for being there for me you guys, I appreciate it. 
Y'know who I miss? I think because they signed up about the same time as me, but Missyb, and Samblue, also jen76. Wherever you guys are, I hope you are happy. I pm'd them ages ago, but wouldn't like to do so again, as they may have moved on, and not want reminders of us!!!
Pand, you are quiet. Understandably. But I hope you are making progress in the right direction?  
Hey dizzylou, how you feeling?
Hissie, what's happening?
Hi honeyprincess, how was the colposcopy? When do you get the results? And hope your ladybits recovering nicely!
Emilycaitlin, hope you are ok?
Hi fallenangel, sit down with Izzie. Someone somewhere should be putting a kettle on?! Welcome.
This secondary IF is clearly more common than I thought!!!
Lainey, y'know I luv ya!!!!
This post  is a bit all over the place, like my brain!
But the message is,
wishing you all positive results, soon.    
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies Not posted here for a couple of weeks. Hope your all well. Just have a little question.
Have any of you ladies been over affectionate with your ds/dd. Since started fertility
tx think im smothering my son [but I just want to hug and squeeze him all the time because
i'm so afraid I will never have another one] He is 12 so dont think its cool to be hugging mum.
Just dont want him to grow up . Quite selfish I know but I cant help it.

Hope all you ladies are ok and tx's going well  and  to everyone x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Ladies, 

Firstly wanted to say lyndalou, my son is 11 years old and has just started his new high school and im still smothering him with kisses. Which is not cool right now if you know what i mean. He sort of knows the situation and says mummy dont worry it doesnt matter i still have five hundred pets to keep me company...2 dogs, 2 guniea pigs, 2 budgies and 2 tortoises to be precise. Seriously i really think you cant give a kid too much affection its the kids on the street that i feel sorry for when their mum doesnt have anytime for them. Atleast ours will be confident and feel secure honey so dont worry mate we all do it.xxxxx

SUZY wow i cant believe it, wont be long until you are on the Big Dipper now !!!. What an exciting time for you. I will be thinking of you honey, you really deserve happiness after all you have been through and you are always so supportive. I might be cycling in October but not sure yet, will have to wait and see.   xxx

Pand... ..I have pm you

As for me counselling was not what i expected so will be giving it a pass next time. Im sure its good for a lot of people, maybe the one at my clinic isnt a good advert for one. Anyway still trying to come to terms with what we have gone through and gearing up for it again.. I know i said i would do anything but reckon if we are not successful this time then it might be close the door and leave it to nature. Our cons said to us very doubtful we could concieve au naturelle so may just have to move on. Anyway got to stay positive right!!!!!!!!!! My endo symptoms are also creeping back, im sure the drugs havent helped and its been a year since my laser treatment so have got to keep an eye on that too.

Anyway..hello to all you new peeps good luck to all you girlies out there au naturelle, in between and whatever stage of your treatment...Take extra special care..my secondy IF buddies..Gabxxxxxxxxxxxxx      to you all


----------



## nanook

Hi all

God yeah I smother my son and am totally overprotective (I even hate him going to school I want him with me all the time) cos Im so worried of never having this again with another child, so I dont want to miss one moment with him.........

He's fine thanks Cinders back to school today (boo hoo) but not long till the weekend yeeahh)

Hope evryones fine ...x


----------



## lyndalou

Thanks Gabrielle and Nanook 

Makes me feel much better to know other people feel the same. 


Hope all you ladies are ok.   for everyone.
FET test date tomo for me fingers crossed  Please Please let this work


----------



## nanook

Good luck LyndaLou x


----------



## lainey-lou

Where are you all?  It is so quiet on here.  I could do with some support.  

I need advice.  I had a scan yesterday and it showed I have 5 mature follicles (again) so that's the good news.  The trouble is that I am having pains today, like ovulation pains    I am not due to have EC until Monday so what is going on?  I did one of my buserelin injections 15 minutes late and now I am panicking that because of that I am ovulating.

Please help.  Driving myself  

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou




----------



## dizzyloo

Hey Lainey. I had loads of pains before EC and they said it was just because my belly was full! Ring your clinic if you are worried, thats what we pay all this bloody money for!


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Dizzylou, I might give them a ring.

I hate all this.  Each time I say I won't worry/hope/panic but every time I get so consumed in it all it drives me  . I don't know if I can go through this again.  It is like a form of torture.  Not enjoying myself really 

How are you doing?

Izzie - welcome.  Think I pmed you, think I am going   because I can't find a copy in my out box.

Pand - how are you honey?  Hope you are ok.

Suszy - excited?  nervous?

Where is everyone?  It is so quiet on here I have had to go out and find myself new friends on another forum  

Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Lainey, pm'd you before reading this! Sorry you have felt so unsupported. But glad to know that you have found some more ff's who presumably are going through this at the same time as you. I also found it useful to use IVFboard and 2ww board at appropriate times, as there is ALWAYS someone around to offer you support and advice. This is home for me, but sometimes you need help NOW! So good on you.
For what it's worth if they scanned you yesterday it's unlikely to be ovulation, as they would have seen if the follicles were at "ripe" size and ready to burst! Taking the buserilin 15mins late would have not made any difference, so don't worry about that. Now obviously I am not a doctor, so if you are still worried then definately phone the clinic. 
Lot's of people do have twinges and pains from their ovaries during "stimming" which you would expect really, as we are expecting so much of those ovaries! Bloating too!
Hope you are ok now chick?
It's mentally so exhausting I know, but you are doing really well, try to keep your chin up! Easier said than done, I know!
Love to everyone,
Cindersxxx


----------



## chimer

Room for a newbie? Hi, I'm Lou and I have to say that reading through your posts has made me feel so much better! I was beginning to think I was cracking up, but now I realise that I am not alone after all. I hope you don't mind me posting here, but this board seemed the most appropriate. I love my Son more than anything but it tears me apart that he's an only child. I am surrounded by friends and family who have more than one child and every time I'm feeling positive - someone else tells they're pg.

I'm rambling now, but just wanted to intoduce myself


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
Can I say you are all wonderful caring fabulous mothers and you should all be proud of yourselves, there is nothing wrong with kissing and cuddling your child and telling them they are the best thing in your world its normal and the positive side of what we have all gone through is that we have had more time to cuddle them and tell them how much we love them and because of the pain of 2ndryIF we sometimes forget any plus's we might be able to find along the way.  It would be interesting to get all these georgous kids  in the same room and they would all think they were the best child in the world and that we were all the best mums in the word!!

Welcome to Chimer as you can see you have come to the right place and as cinders says this is home as we all think and feel the same.  our situ sound very similiar as my ds was born 02 and as you can see from my profile have been through a lot and hve also got the t shirt for the hundreds of women who have got preg around me the 30 or so from my different anetenal groups being the most painful, it has got easier and it does namely because most of them have 2 or 3 and not many left of others to get preg !! but mainly because I am just about to start IVF with my donors eggs as my eggs are too old -  now thanks to her I have such a real possibility of getting that elusivebfp. keep posting and welcome and remember you are normal!!!

Lainey - five follies is excellent and like cinders says don't think 15 mins will have made any difference and it sounds like a bit of discomfort sounds normal, its also perfectly normal to be worried and stressing about everything but try to relax if you can.  Not that that is easy when you are going through so much after having been through so much, anyway the best of luck forEC on monday and keep us posted of all the details honey and we are right here for you.  take care sweetheart, deep breaths, relaxing thoughts of beaches etc take care.  Yes i am nervous and excited and worried re the jabs for d/r any hints and tips although know my donor going through the worst bits

cinders - i think time out sometimes is a good thing and what we all need but we will miss you and your sound advice and your post back to lainy was perfect - you are very wise.  thanks for your thoughts - cannot believe I d/r next wed after all this waiting, anyway good luck sweetheart and do come back to letus know how you are doing
I too miss missby and samblue and jen76 I am surprised they did not reply to your pm, perhaps they are  having a break we knew that jen was, I also miss kelway who used to be such a regular on here
we have not heard from teena for a while either,.

Lyndalou - sorry re your bfn ( I have seen you on another thread and you know my very good friend Angela but more about that later) its also perfectly  normal for all the kissing and cuddling as I have said above and I even say to my 5.5 year old that if i was not married to daddy i would run of with him, the other day he said if I were not so old and he was older and we did not have daddy he could be my husband!!! and its so lovely when they are like that back. i must admit i am not looking forward to the time when he does not want me to smother him so much!

Izzie - welcome and like chimer we have a few things in common,my ds was born 02 and I am dreading the injections etc and also I get quite swollen and sensitive boobs and moody around that time and i never used to.
i am lucky that  my ds wants a baby as much as we do which is lovely and he is sogood with young ones although hewould quitelike a dogtoo! good luck with the tx and keep posting

Pand darling how are you, thinking of you and sending you lots of love and cuddles, comeback when you can but we do understand but we also miss you. take care

gabrielle - lovely to hear from you again and do hope you cycle in Oct and we can do some of it together - it was a lovely message that you posted and its lovely have you back

nanook - i feel the sameabout himbeing at school and just love the holidays - i  notice you have a ticker til his next holiday that is so lovely and that is why I had such a great summer and don't like school days esp with its strict regime of bedtime and bit of school work and play dates!!  glad he is better after his illness, any news on your appt.

dizzylou - hope you are back into the swing ofthings after your holiday- it takes  while sometimes

Hissie- how are you feeling - what have you been up to??

honeyprincess- how are you, come back soon again as we missed you

emily caitlin- its a busy thread and thanks for all of your hard work

take care girls and lots of love and luck to you as ever at whatever stage you are
you are a fab bunch of girls and Ialways miss you
i have been busy in the week trying to do the gym, some lunch dates so I dont get too isolated, play dates and a new stricter regime of bedtime and reading/writing and maths and they seem to have upped it in the first year and they are having spelling tests soon !!!!!!!!!! ekkk help! and I wentout a few times so was really tired by fri and today.
I cannot believe i start d/r on wed it has come around so quickly after all that waiting.
I am thinking of starting a 2ww diary soon a bit early to cover the journey as feel my case is a little unusual in the fact that I actually met my donor on here!!!!!  we were exchanging emails for a while before she offered me her eggs, she had done it before and I had written to say what a wonderful  thing it was to do and was surprised when she offered as that was not why I had written to her and we were going to spain.  I realised how lucky but I did not accept straightaway as there was so much to consider and as i said it was not why I had written - but we had become friends, had so much in common that it just felt the right thing like it was meant to be. I had wanted to tell everyone and then you remember the world can see this and Iwas not sure of peoples reactions and did not want her to get lots of messages but as she has decided not to do it again that should not be a problem.  We had often talked of recording our story so we just need to find the best way to do it and it could be the2ww.  We have met a few times and as I have said we are more friends than donor/recipient and obviously we are going through this together and hope to bethere for each others scans.  She is a fantastic person and lyndalou knows her from another thread and she has 2 kids and has been sterlised and wants to gve us the gift of her eggs so we can share the joy of having another baby.  sometimes I feel a bit guilty that i have the one and others don't but as we all know on here having one almost makes you want another soon.
i hope I have put that across well,the pc is playingup and being slow and i keep saving this as know its a long one so there wll be no spell checks of fancy bits I just wanted to get this over to you alland i am sorryi did not share itsooner as you have been wonderful girls but I amsure you understand my reasoning.  I really must sign off nowas have been on for hours again but feel i am up todate.
sorry if i don't come on here every day but am thinking i might go tobed earlier once i start injecting.
as ever girls i love you all and thank you all for your support and i wish you luck on your journeys at whatever stage
lots of love and luck
(esp to lainey for Monday and Pand for what she has been through
lots of love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Wow Suszie, you don't half know how to chat!!!!   You don't have to tell anyone anything you are not comfortable with, but I get the feeling you wanted to get the news of your donor off your chest! Well I think it's amazing!! Y'know your story could be a film, or a book at least!!!! Write that diary, spill out your heart, write, write, write...... you never know where it may lead, other than a bfp obviously!!!!
Good luck!
Hey chimer, welcome aboard. You are more than welcome. There are some other newby secondary IF friends! Though I am starting to get confused with the new names. Easily confused me  !!!
How you doing Lainey?  
Love to all
Cindersxxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Morning girls. Suszy your story is amazing and an inspiration. I don't really know how to follow it.

What does  everyone else tell, people when you get asked the inevitable question of "Isn't it time for another one?" When I first realised I may not be able to have any more kids I was so angry I used to get a perverse pleasure of watching peoples acute embarrassment when I told them actually I can't have any more kids. At least it might prevent them from asking anyone else without thinking. But then I started to gert really fed up with people feeling sorry for me. In all other areas of my life I'd regard myself as fairly successfull and being an object of pity is unbearable. Especially the smug ones from antenatal groups who have all fired out their second ones without so much as thinking about peeing on an ovulation stick! But it feels strange to say we have just decided not to  have any more because I haven't met anyone who has decided to only have one and I don't think I could defend it as a choice. Plus the fact I don't really do the old enigmatic "you never know" look very well. My emotions are usually written all over me.
Anyway am off for day 12 scan today. Trying not to worry too much about defrost, just looking forward to having my frosties back on board next weekend all being well. Have decided to be as normal as possible during 2ww this time. Last time I sat around doing nothing for 2 weeks and nearly drove myself insane. So am not even having time off work (although I only work 2 days per week anyway). Plus the fact doing nothing didn't work, so now am going to try being busy instead.
Love to all


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!! i have a note from my mum to apologise for my delayed absence! due to the financial situation and some belt tightening the t'internet had to go.. but now things are slightly better it's back on and hopefully to stay!!! i have missed you all sooooo much!! i've just spent the last goodness knows how long catching up with everybody and just wanting to cry. i dont know where to start with it all so i will just say that i have been thinking of you all.

i'll update you a bit with what ive been up to ( not v interesting im afraid) we went on a cheapy holiday camping in the new forrest which was fab, we had the only bit of half decent weather all summer and it was lovely to chill out. i had the cryo-cautery of my cervix done on 14/09 so hopefully now i no longer have the firey cervix of doom as dp calls it killing all of his boys! i've got my 1st appt for the fertility clinic on 23/10 so i feel like things are moving at last! work is still manic and it seems that now ALL of my patients are mad.. i hope it's not catching...

cycle wise im still all over the place.. the wicked witch is due any day now and i just want to get it over and done with.

i'm sorry i havent been more specific with personal messages. love to you all


amanda xx


----------



## A.T.C.C

Hi girls... hope you dont mind me popping in here.
Just thought id allow you to put a face to the name.
Im Angela... Suszy's donor.
Im on the Cycle buddies Sep/Oct thread and its pretty busy so i dont really get chance to have a good look round here.
I hope you are all well and i wish you ladies  at whatever stage you're at xxxxxxxxxx


Awesome Graphics at pYzam.com


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls

Well I see my Angel has popped onto say Hi and you can see how nice she is! All feels a bit surreal like we have come out of the closet as it were!!  anyway welcome Angela!!

Missby - how lovely to have you back - it will take you a while to catch up but for now just keep posting about what you have been up to and how you are feeling - welcome home honey!  Yes this thread is a very emotional one esp what happened to Pand.  We are all here for each other though and don't forget that - no matter what stage we are on.  Ps tell your mum we accept the note!
your hol sounded fab esp with nice weather not sure what you had done to your cervix but bet you are glad that is out of the way and good luck for 23rd oct, it wll soon be here.take care and good luck

dizzy- thanks for your kind words and like cinders said I wanted to get it off my chest esp as Angela was posting elsewhere and it just felt like the right time. you have a lovely way of expressing things (as do others on here, whereas I just type how I think!) I might ask you to write the book for me!!! Anyway my latest response to that question is " you could not have asked me a worse question" and then " we have been trying for four years and after two miscarriages you can see why I don' want to talk about it! actually I nver got to say that last bit but you know the giste.  Now when people ask me about whats next I either say we are having one more tx in the next few months or I hve decided not to tell many this time as people were asking me questions when I did not want to talk about it or if I am feeling a bit naughty I say I told everyone last time and it did not seem to make a difference to how people treated me (when I got really down when the last thing did not work I felt like they all deserted me!) so have decided not to tell people this time!  It has worked but i know what you mean about peoples pity, we just want a bit of tlc a pat on the back/arm in a nice way saying there there or a cuddle not pity!!  You must read the empty arms thing on girl and boy talk I have mentioned that b4 as it really gets across how we feel - its for primary if but its the same feelings for secondary.
anyway sweetheart try some of the responses above and see how you get on, I must admit I don't rush to ask people that question anymore or about the first and I am sure I did in the past.  I know you feel like the only one in the world with only one but this web site and esp this thread proves there are loads of us. take care.

Cinders - yes I know how to chat and try to make up for my absence where I can, as don't think I will be on every day perhaps a couple of times a week and at weekends although we have my cousins wedding this coming one which looking forward to other thanthe inj!!!  lovely to hear from you again and so nice you come onto see how we are, I kept posting when i was between tx as it helps to talk but then its nice to have a break if you need to as well.  I keep meaning to sit down to do the diary and don't know where to start ie a book on the pc, one directly to any potential child, just arecord of my feelings and then that is what FF is.  It must need such a huge memory to keep track of all our waffe!!  take care honey and look after yourself.

lainey - thinking of you too do hope you are feeling a bit better and good luck sweetheart esp for tomorrow and keep us posted.

love and luck to the rest of you nothing has changed since 12 hours ago other than my donor coming on!
take care my loves

Susie


----------



## chimer

Thank you for the nice welcome. I can't believe it's taken me this long to find this place! I've felt so alone in all this, with only my Mum and dh who understand. 

Susie - your story is inspirational and your Angel is amazing, best of luck for the coming weeks!!

dizzyloo - How did your scan go? I dread people asking me if I want another baby. My answer usually depends on my mood at the time and yes, I've done the "can't have anymore thing" just to see them squirm  

Sorry for the lack of personals, it will take me a bit of time to get to know you all and where you're at.

We have our initial consultation in a couple of weeks. Dh has his SA appt this Thursday. We really don't know if we can handle going through IVF, but want to see what it's all about first. We'll have to re-mortgage, although a + outcome is priceless. We'll see how we feel after the consultation. 

Enjoy the rest of the weekend,

Lou X


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!! wicked witch arrived yesterday pm not that i was really expecting anything different!! 

hi suzy!! fab to 'meet' your angel... fingers legs and toes crossed for you. what is the next step for you? (if you dont mind me asking)

welcome chimer!! i hope all goes ok with dh & your consultation. 

hi pand.. just wanted to say that im thinking of you.

hi cinders!! 

love to you all.


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Morning all!

Hey, Missyb - welcome back.  We have missed you. I have often thought about you; you're double act with cinders used to cheer me up no end.  It is really good to have you back.  Please stay this time 

Lou - welcome - it is always good to have new recruits. Like you say, it is really comforting to know you are not alone.  We all understand on here as we have lots of IF experience between us    Good luck with the appointment, don't be scared, it is not too bad.  I know what you mean about being frightened of the failure.  I suppose IVF is the last hope for us but, if you don't try it, you wil always wonder if it would have worked.  Fingers crossed for you.

Angela - so you're the lovely lady we have heard so much about!  It is good to "meet" you.  I think what you are doing for Suzsy is amazing, she is a lucky girl to have found you.  We all have our fingers crossed for her on here, she deserves for this to work, she has waited a long time.  I am currently doing IVF with my own eggs but have considered the possibility of DE in the future so I am really looking forward to Suzsy getting a BFP to give me hope.  Thank you for coming on here and sharing your story.

Suzsy - what can I say.  We all love you on here and are so excited for you, I have a really good feeling about this for you.  Not long now!!!  Thanks for sharing the circumstances of your story with us, it is amazing and inspirational.  Good luck lovie xx

Cinders - hello mate, I am not ignoring you.  Having trouble keeping up with the messages now.  It is busier on here and the 2ww board is sooooo busy.  I am ok, how are you doing?  I will pm you later.

Dizzylou - the million dollar question!  I normally tell people to mind their own business    Only joking    I usually say we haven't decided yet whether to have any more.  People don't usually push the point after that.  It is so tempting to tell them I am infertile though just to shut them up.  How was the scan?

Pand - how are you?  I hope you are ok.  Sending you a  

Love to Nanook and Hissie too.  Hope you are alright.

As for me......

EC this morning - 4 eggs.  So that was good, especially as i thought I might have ovulated over the weekend   Got to call tomorrow to see if they fertilise.  Will keep you posted.

Love

Lainey  xx


----------



## missyb

hi lainey!!! thank you for the mention hun... i have missed you too!!!  good luch for tomoz hun!!


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey lou - thankyou for the welcome xxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hey guys, well its all systems go for frosties to go back in on saturday!  Trying not to think about it but the pain of my hangover combined with DD getting me up three times in the night and then having to lecture all day  on an utterly tedious subject seems to be taking my mind off things!
Wow suszy what beautiful babies you are going to have!!!
Well done Lainey, 4 is very good heres hoping. are you going for blasts? looks like we will be on a 2ww together. have you made any plans?
nice to see you back missyb


----------



## missyb

hey dizzy!!! it sounds like it's all systems go for you!! fingers crossed for you hun!!!!

love


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Oh my, so vv busy! Can't keep up!  

So lovely of you to come and say hi Suzsy's angel! It's lovely for us to watch this story unfold, lovely.  

Missyb!!!!! lovely to have you back!  

Lainey, been thinking of you lots today. Well done, brilliant news. Fingers crossed there is some romance going on in the lab tonight! Glad you are getting the immediate support you need from 2ww board. Are you going to do another diary?    
This could be the one Lainey, this could be it! Everything crossedxxx

Hi dizzy, that seems to have come around quickly! Are you going for blasts? Good luck for saturday.

Hi to everyone else, so busy now. Forgive me for not mentioning everyone!!!
Love and luck,
Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello

Only one of my eggs has fertilised    Hardly seems worth everything I have been through to get one lousy embryo.  I have to call back tomorrow am to see if it has divided.  Not holding out much hope though.

Why is this happening to me?  It's just not fair.

Feel terrible.

Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey.... dont give up hope babe... it only needs 1 and can still work... try and stay positive honey                
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lainey-lou

Thanks Angie. It is so hard to stay positive when at every turn there is disappointment.  I am keeping my fingers crossed for my one little survivor.  Like you say, it only takes one and I never wanted twins anyway  

Good luck with the d/r.  You must be a dab-hand at it by now.  I am so excited for Suzsy, I so want this to work for her, she is lovely and deserves it.

If you don't mind me asking, how comes you post on here?  Having had two children I wouldn't expect to find you posting on an IF forum.  You said you have done this before to unknown recipients - do you ever get to find out if the treatment worked or not?  I am just interested/nosey  

Thanks again

Love Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

HI Lainey.
When i 1st decided to donate i looked on the internet for sites and found NGDT where i was on the forum for ages. Some of the women on there told me about fertility friends and so i came on here.
I do feel a bit strange really when im doing posts amongst all you ladies having treatment for yourselves cos i worry  that when i comment you'll all think 'what does she know' but i enjoy coming on here.
I really want this to work for Suszy. I produced good grade eggs last time but there are so many factors that affect the outcome in this process.
I only know what a nurse told me but i shouldnt know anything really... they didnt get a BFP but got frozen embies so they could be babies by now for all i know!


----------



## missyb

lainey!!   if you r struggling to be positive i will be for u!!   

hi to everyone!! just a quicky as im being earth mother to 5 children under 12!! omg.


amanda xx


----------



## chimer

Hello,

Hope you're all doin ok. I haven't got much to say, just thought I'd show my face again  

amanda - sorry the witch is round your place. If you're anything like me, although I pretty much know she's coming, I still feel gutted when she turns up. It's a reminder we can't escape from  

dizzy - I hope all goes well on Saturday. I'm still not really sure of the details with IVF, so don't know what 'blasts' are. I need to get reading up on it all!! Hope your hangover cleared up. It takes me about 3 days to get rid of a hangover these days!!

Lainey - I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you buddy. Take care x 

Right, best get Aaron sorted for bedtime. I want him in bed in time for the footy starting.

C ya,

Lou x


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls, back again, did not come on last night as my dad and step mum were visiting again

lainey - i am so sorry re only one egg fertilising but as angela said it only takes one, try not to be too disheartened darling but there is still such a good chance this could be the one and you so deserve it, try to keep postive i think the term is pma positive mental attidtue and after ET pupo  preg until prove otherwise.  please keep postive darling and sending you lots of hugs down cyber space, dare not do any thing fancy as on lap top.  Angela has come on ff to get a cycle buddies and also if people read her story they might mention it to their friends and more people might donate like her altruistically just because she is a lovely person.  She has come on our thread to support me and think she can offer us all support.  also i for one am very glad she came on FF and do think people who have a genuine concern for if are welcome esp if they promote our cause.  Lainely thanks so much for all your lovely comments about me and all your support and love and concern - it means such a lot to me and i so appreciate it esp as you are going through so much at this time.  take care, good luck and keep us posted! let us know if you are doing a diary.

chimer - good luck to dh for his sa on thursday and for your consultation in a couple of weeks- just keep posting and you will get to know us all better in the coming weeks and months

angela - thanks for being there for me and your lovely comments.

missby- sounds like you were having a hectic after noon with all those kids, bet you were tired afterwards.  Thanks for your lovely comments and support as well, you are all such lovely girls esp as you have all been through so much, it is lovely to have you back though

dizzylou - wow things really moving for you too and good luck for sat, will keep everything crossed and please keep us posted, so good luck sweetheart.  girl after my own heart with a hang over although will have to give them up for good soon hopefully. obviously poor angela having to be the really healthy one at mo although hve really cut down my drinking, i had a bit of champers last night as my step mum was on her way back for scotland and saw a photo of her sons daughter for the first time who was born on monday so we had to celebrate.  also have my cousins wedding a weekend so will have a couple there and then will have to be so careful.  what subject do you lecture in - all you girls put me to shame you have such interesting and brill jobs and i am a lazy moo at home although if this does not work then i am going to have to find a job in jan!  thanks for the lovely comment re beautiful babies and i do agree - people also say my ds is handsome and of course I think he is.  angelas children are georgous too.

cinders - hope you are doing ok darling, love to you what ever you are up to
gabriel - love and luck to you
nanook and hissie honeyprincess and izzie- you have  been a bit quiet - hope you are doing ok girls
love to the rest of you as well esp Pand 
hope teena doing ok
would be lovely if kelway came back too'
emily catilin - how are you

take care girls

lots of love 
susie


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi,

Sorry if I seemed to disappear off the face of the planet for few weeeks, my internet has been off at home, and I've either been off work or too busy at work to get on line!!!  DD has now settled easily into school life, so that's a relief!!!  I know I have missed a lot, so will try and catch up as the days go by!!!


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
hope yo are all ok this am
thinking of you all esp Lainey

well i did it !! the first injection for down regging and it was fine and did not hurt hardly atall (although I know Angela hs the worst bit with the stimming) feel fine, great and very positive.  dh said am i going to turn into a wherewolf (spelling?)  by the time he gets home.!
might leave that tl next week
ok off on the school run

speak later

love

Susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Morning.

My little embie has been busy dividing overnight so I am going in at 12.30 for ET.  I am so happy, I have said in the past that it would save some time/heartache if they didn't fertilise so I wouldn't have to do a 2ww but the reality is that I would hate to have gone through all this to not even get to the 2ww - how could I justify carrying on treatment if my eggs didn't fertilise?

Thank you so much for all your positive messages, they make a real difference.  Love you lot x

Susie - well done on the injection.  It is all happening now, I am so excited.  I just know this is going to work for you, I can feel it in my waters.  Thanks for the kind words.

All my love, a very happy

Lainey xx 

 here I come !


----------



## dizzyloo

It's got to be a sign Lainey, that one is definately a survivor. Hope ET went well. Did you not have ICSI to make sure many as possible fertilised?


----------



## missyb

hi all!!! just been catching up with the posts and it's all go at the moment! suzy and angela i'm thinking of you both. it certainly has given me food for thought as my eggs as far as im aware are fine and i have a good reserve. maybe  i could help other couples especially as i know the heartache if can bring.

yay lainey!! please keep us posted hun! we need some good news.

hi cinders, dizzy, emily caitlin. Thinking of you pand 2 hun.

my opk's came today and im gearing up for af to stop and the bms to begin!! my mission this mth is to try not to get too obsessed as it is the first proper month of trying without any problems with my cervix. i have promised myself not to let my hormones rule me and to count to 10 before i explode!! 

hope you are all well.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Well done with injection Suszy, clever you!

Lainey, sorry have not been online for you. Have pm'd you before I read your posts, so relieved to see you with a PMA! You have one beautiful  little fighter in there, just like dd started out...so this could be the one. 

Hey missyb, good plan to try and stay a bit chilled.

Emiltcaitlin, so lovely to hear from you. My dd settled at school too. But at the end of the first full week she came out and smugly said "Been kissing boys!!!!" Considering moving schools!!!!

Love to all

Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

oh my lovely girls
what other site makes you laugh and cry, giggle and weep , be happy and sad all on the same thread

Lainey well done for the pma and here are some         
thanks for your lovely supportive comments as well and I can feel it in my waters for you too.  hope ET went well and good luck for this 2ww we are here for you

cinders - how you made me laugh about kissing boys!!!! thanks we need to giggle on here too- how fab she ha s settled so well though.

emilycaitlin - glad yours has settled well too, its such a huge step and it knocked me a bit last year combined with the failed iui but have been great so far this year

missby - glad your opks arrived and good luck with the bms- good luck with the new attidude and counting to 10 I might try that too!!  i am waiting for the dreaded side effects!  also great that you are thinking re your eggs .  think when this is all over ang and I might start a campaign for eggs.

Angel/all talking of eggs was trying to explain a little more to ds about this process but every time I tell him something like you remember Angela well she is giving me one of her eggs (too complicated to say more) and he kept asking about what happens to the shell!! and saying yes I know mummy and I say how do you know and he says you have already told me and of course no doubt he has heard us talking.  i told him re the jabs but he does not seem to understand that bit as much.  i also say you know its a family secret and not to say about it at school (but you can speak about it to certain people) as he has been known in past to shout over the street that mummy was having an egg put in her tummy and this was when i was having acupuncture but when i think about it he came once for a scan and it does look like someone is putting something in side so he probably made a lot of sense and actually that is exactly what is happening although have tried to explain not in my tummy but a bit lower - and it was happening in a dish with something of daddys and then it all got a  bit complicated - of course this was all in the bath!!so I changed the subject!
luckily told his teacher was that we are having some tx so she won't be too surprised if he talks about fertilty issues!

Pand - love to you sweetheart and thinking of you

hi to dizzy, hissie, nannook , chimer, gabrial, honeyprincess and izzie
teena -  hope you ok
i am away at my cousins wedding this weekend so might not be on again til mon so sorry about that but it does not mean i am not thinking of you as ever and wishing you all   
love to all of you 
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

Girls 
have just seen this on another thread and it looks good (some of you may already know about it but it looks good) and it all helps

Don't know if any of you have read about Sue MJ's Orange Reiki Spot..... on the 2ww thread. will try and find the link and post it... Basically it's an orange spot that you focus on and it makes you feel more +ve.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=1512.0

take care
love
susie


----------



## missyb

hi guys how are we this miserable weekend susie i hope you have a fab w.end at your cousins wedding. i have nothing to report other than i am still a grumpy cow and the hormone circus seems to be wreeking havoc with me!! hope you are all well.


amanda xx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hi Missy this is a sort of miserable post but also some good news. 

Had frozen embryo transfer today. Unfortunately only one of our two survived. Not feeling too hopeful as it was only grade two and when i had the cycle it was 2 grade 1's and still didn't get pg.

Anyway if its survives have decided to call it Ronald as we took DD to evil Macdonalds afterwards so technically it will have been conceived in Maccy D's. Vicky Pollard eat your heart out.

Wish I could feel hopeful. The only positive thought I have is as soon as AF turns up at least we can book our next cycle. Hey ho


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh Dizzy!  I am so sorry that only one survived.  I know what you mean about finding it difficult to be positive, you sound just like me, I am so negative usually.  However, if you haven't got a chance that means I haven't either cos I only had one.  So I have to disagree with you and say that you have every chance of success.  Lets face it, if you didn't have a chance they wouldn't have bothered putting it back.  I know that obviously it would be better to have two grade 1 blasts to put back but even people who have that don't always get pregnant and some people, like us, do.  It is a lottery and this time you may hit the jackpot, maybe we both will, how great would that be.  Lets hope for that.

When is test day?

Hi Missy - sorry you are feeling cr*p.  This IF thing is rubbish isn't it.     Love to you.

Susie - how are the injections going?  How are you feeling?  Optimistic I hope.

Cinders - hi lovely.  Where are you?  Sent you a pm, no response  

Pand - hope you are ok.  Think about you all the time, hoping you are surviving the misery of m/c.  Sending you another  

Hi to Nanook, Hissie, Honeyprincess, emilycaitlin, chimer, angela - where are you all? Could do with some company on the long and lonely 2ww.  Come back soon.

Nothing to report.  Been to our house in Norfolk this weekend, saw some friends there, had a lovely meal out and I have to admit, I had two small glasses of wine last night.  Feel guilty now    Just think, well it didn't work last time and I didn't drink atall so I can't believe two glasses will make a massive difference, after all alcoholics get pregnant!  Am I bad?

Speak soon

Love Lainey x


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Sorry its been a while since I've been on and thank you all so much for your lovely messages it means alot.  I've just been existing the last couple of weeks and plodding through each day.  

I think I have come to terms with what's happened now, but I'm sure it's not gone away completely.  Still I've managed six wobble free days in the last two weeks so I'm rather proud of myself.  Am currently trying to get my head back around the likelihood of it just being the three of us and seeing anything else as a bonus.  In fact, I've hit a point at the moment where I'm not even sure I can be bothered to keep fighting.  Not going to rush into IVF so will leave that now til after Christmas to make sure it's what I really want.

So many people have been so kind and that includes all you lovely ladies who have enough of your own problems to worry about.  You have been great and it means alot. Even if I don't post, I still keep tabs on what's going on.

I have to say huge respect to Angie.  What a selfless and generous thing to to.  She must be very proud of herself cos it is a massive gesture of kindness.  I just hope that there is something in this Karma thing cos she deserves to win the lottery!

Lainey, my husband has a couple working for him.  They had their first IVF at the end of last year.  The male party sat in his office in tears cos only one egg fertilised.  They now have a beautiful baby girl.  I truly understand how impossible it is to be positive and I also understand that if you don't get your hopes up it protects you if the worst happens.  But cling onto the possibility that it might just work out.  I really hope it does hun.  You've been through a lot.

Suzy, I have absolutely everything crossed for you.  I cannot begin to say how much I hope this works out for you.  You are a lovely lady, and despite your self doubts provide a lot of us with lots of support and love when we need it most. If anyone deserves this you do.

Dizzylou - I hope I've remembered this right and its you with the frosties (sorry my brain isn't working too well at the mo).  Sit tight sweetie.  As I said to Lainey, you just never know.  Try to keep busy over the next couple of weeks and come and talk when you are crawling up the walls. 

Cinders and Missyb - what lovely ladies you are.  Thank you for your messages and support.  I hope you guys are ok.  I haven't read all of the latests posts so will do my best to get back up to speed over the next couple of weeks.  I've missed you guys.

To everyone else and all the new guys, hello!!!

I'm back.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Pand!

Good to hear from you, glad you are starting to recover.  It is a long road but it gets easier and more bareable.  Thanks for the words of support, you lot are lovely. It does help to hear these success stories, I know Dizzylou will probably find your story encouraging too.

Take care of yourself lovie.  We are all here for you if you need support. We all understand.

Love Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
So lovely to hear from you Pand, we have all been thinking of you. I'm glad that you are managing some wobble free days, think that is a good achievement.  
Lainey, thinking of you. Sorry I didn't get back to you. Other than words of encouragement for you, I don't have a lot to add at the moment, I think it is because I am in a quiet, reflective place at the mo. I haven't really worked out the next part of the plan. The next part of the plan is the bit before we stop trying!! So the end of our IF journey is nigh, it's what we do between here and there (i.e. ? laparoscopy and ttc naturally, or crack on with 1 or 2 more cycles? Not sure I have all that much left in me!) that we haven't really worked out.
I reallly wish I had some "real life" friends with one child, I think that would help.
Hope you have had good weekend everyone, Suszy hope injections are still going well, and side effects not too bad?
Missyb, hope you are keeping those hormones in check!  
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Just a quickie to say hi to y'all.

Ive not heard from the hospital and am sticking Two fingers up at them. 

Hope you're all ok...

Love to you all.

Not long till half term hey girls!!!  yyeeeaaahhh 

xxxxxxx


----------



## chimer

Evenin,

I hope you are all doing ok. I've been crap again this weekend, don't know why. I think it's the reality of turning to IVF (maybe) and trying to weigh things up. I've got a busy week ahead, so hopefully I'll snap out of it!!  

DH went for his SA last Thursday. It was our first visit to the clinic and made it all seem real. We've got our initial consultation next week. I've been trying to fill the forms in, but am struggling with dates of treatment, etc. I destroyed all our appt letters when our 3rd IUI failed. That'll teach me! Anyway.........

nanook - Not good that you haven't heard anything! I don't blame you for getting pi55ed off with it all. Which hospital is it? I notice you live in Southampton.

cinders - I know what you mean about having friends with one child. i've got one friend left who only has one. The others have all had babies since Aaron and now have 2, or 3 in one case. I dread the day she tells me she's preg again. Good luck with deciding your next step.

Pand - Hi, I'm really sorry to read what you've been through. I can't imagine how hard it must be, take care x

Lainey - No you're not bad for having a couple of drinks, you deserve to relax and enjoy yourself. Glad you had a good weekend away.  

dizzy - Sorry only one survived, but as others have said -it only takes one. Easy for me to say, I know.  

amanda - hope your weekend got better. we're all allowed to be grumpy cows when we want to be - that's my excuse anyway!

Susie - hope you had a good weekend at your cousins place.

Hi to everyone else out there!

Dh has just got in from work with a nice bunch of Freesia for me! It's our 8th anniversary tomorrow, I didn't think he'd remember so that's a bonus!

C ya,

Lou x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi all

Lou, ah, what a lovely hubbie you have!  Little things like that make marriage worthwhile.    for tomorrow.  Try not to get too down about the prospect of IVF, there are loads of people on here who have had their little ones that way so try to see it as a positive thing, a step forward.

Nanook - good to hear from you.  Sorry your hospital are still being cr*p, can't you change?

Dizzy - how you doing?  Sending you    

Cinders - I am lucky I suppose that one of my best friends has only one child and he is 11 and she is single so not much chance of her having another!  Also, my SIL has only one and is 41 and has endometriosis so she isn't going to have any more.  I have two other close friends who have only one and don't want more.  Everyone else has millions of them but I can cope with that (generally) cos I have quite a few friends with just one.  I would like to think that I am a "real" friend, despite you having never met me.  I still love you though  

Susie - how are you doing?  How are the injections going?

Angela - how are you getting on?  Enjoying the injections?  

Missy - how are you feeling now? Any happier?  Damn them hormones  

I am still sane, just.  Feeling alright actually, nothing much to report.  Had a few twinges today which can only be a good thing at this early stage, right?   Too early for AF so attribute it to that embie snuggling in    I don't know why but I have a good feeling about this time, probably totally wrong but just feel it is going to work.  Do you think I have gone  

See you soon

Lainey xx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
I had a great weekend despite the hotel being so pants that we had to change it and my car got broken into the wedding was goodand it was nice to see my cousins brother and another uncle after 13 years!  it was all rather emotive and after a few  was a bit of a wreck with one thing and another but spent most of the nite on the dance floor.  dh and I did the videoing which was a pain but we are pleased with the result.  i fell out with my mum a bit but only because I am fed up of being bossed around.
anyway it was good but feel a bit jaded/
inj are going well with no s/e as yet despite lots of others inc angie getting headaches, have heard that after day 9 its bad but so far so good, have drunk lots of water too.
anyway good luck to the ladies on their 2ww and love and luck to you all as ever
probably come back on here on Wed to see how you are doing
Susie
Personals  

Lainey- the inj are going fine, better than i thought and no s/e as yet although ang is having bad headaches as other d/rs are but am trying to drink lots of water - re friends who only have one child you sound like you are lucky with that, i don't have many around here but the ones who live away I have got closer too.  I think your good feeling is justified and can only help and you so deserve this to work.  keep going with the PMA and PUPO and good luck, did you decide against the 2ww diary. fingers crossed for you. 
we are here for you

cinders - re friends with one see above comment but so know where you are coming from with that- all my 30 anetenal bar one have had 2 and 3 and it has really affected our relationships- dont forget you have us.  I also think quiet reflective mood is a good place to be as well 

Pand -  It is so lovely to hear from you again and we have missed you and you know we have all been thinking of you, you are one brave lady and we are so glad to have you back and to see that you are on the road to recovery.  It is going to take a long time to get over but at least you are on your way and having a break til after christmas sounds a good idea as you do need time.  we all love you on here.
thank you for your lovely comments to me too and I do appreciate them and like I always say we are all here for each other and you lot mean the earth to me and not sure how i would have coped without you all esp on this 2ndry thread as we all think and feel the same.
as you say angela is one special person and I feel so blessed and lucky to have met her and feel like it was meant to be.
anyway sweetheart hope you continue to improve and here is some    please keep posting.  i do feel positive and I also have a plan b (FET if there is enough) and Plan c to move on finally if that is what God has planned for me knowing i could not have done any more than i have and that feels a good place to be.

dizzylou - sorry one one made it but like we all say it only takes one so remember the positive Mental attitude and preg until proven otherwise and here is some  good luck

nanook -sorry about the hossie they are such pain in the bums andjust don't seem to care- yes half term getting closer and my scans!

chimer - sorry that you not feeling so good, and hope you feel better soon, you are bound to feel down sometimes and three IUIs are alot to go through, are there any clues to remind you of dates, did you keep another diary, what about childcare and can any relatives remember - good luck with the initial consultation and at least things are moving for you- happy 8th anniv and the flowers sound lovely

missby- howare you getting on with bms are you there yet or the counting to 10

hi to Hissie, Honeyprincess, Izzie,emilycaitlin, teena and any one else


----------



## missyb

evening ladies! ive just finished a long day and im pooped but i wanted to pop on here and see how everybody is doing. the hormone circus is calming down though i think the turning point was my road rage incident i had last week when in a moment of SITS (stress induced tourettes) i yelled at a woman that she was a gobby F***g chav... hmmm my sister said pot,kettle,black (what could she mean!!) so if you see me on police camera action in a dented red punto then you will know that the madwoman spewing molten lava crazy was me!!!


pand honey it is so lovely to hear from you. we have all been thinking of you. the fact that you have had wobble free days is a testament to your strength. just take each day as it comes (easy for me to say i know) and decide where you go from here when you are good and ready. big big hugs to you honey. xx

hi dizzy! how are you doing honey?? lots of   from me hun.. i agree with lainey wholeheartedly, they wouldnt have put it back if they didnt think there was a chance of survival and it is such a lottery honey and like the big voice says, it could be you! keep me posted hun... xx

hi lainey!! how you diddling honey. how is the 2ww going i dont think that 2 glasses of wine will hurt hun.. we feel guilty over everything, if only we'd done this or that. fingers, legs, toes and vital organs crossed for you!! keep me posted hun... 

hi cinders!! aw hun i wish i had a crystal ball so that i could tell you what you should do or how long you'd have to wait. i think we'd all find it easier if we knew what the future held. i think even if we knew it was bad news and that we werent to get our dream then we'd get on with it (eventually), i think it's the continual disappointment each month that takes it's toll.. god im depressing!! im a real life friend and even though we havent met im here wiv a bottle of wine (or 6) a kind word and many a tale about my mad patients (i am the joke of the ward at the mo for giving a 79 yr old patient a hard-on whilst washing him ewwwwwww)

hi chimer!!! happy anniversary for tomorrow!!!!




hi nanook!! bl*** hospitals! do you have a specific consultant? ask to be put thru to his sec or ask for the waiting list they can usually sort something out. hope youre ok though hun.


hi susie, honey princess (where for art thou?? lol) and anyone else i have missed but not forgotten.


right im off to have a hot bath and chill!!

love u all!

amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi susie sorry our messages must've crossed.. i so sorry you had such a mixed w.end!!. glad s/effects all ok and fingers crossed for you both this mth!!!


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

sending you all lots of love esp dizzy and lainey on the 2ww              
Thinking of you all as ever and wishing you all lots of success
love
susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Morning ladies,
Chimer, I know what you mean about facing the realities of IVF. ON the one hand it really isn't that bad from a physical point of view. The injections don't really hurt and I had no symtpoms from the drugs. I did however totally underestimate the psychological impact of if doesn't work. Absolutely floored me I have to say but I'm sure it will work first time for you. Even after all this time I still have the feeling of I can't believe this is happenning to me

Hi Missy glad to hear hormones are settling, I'm confused about your treatment, what is it you are having?

Nanook, keep the faith love. It's hard but are you sure you want to give up the chance of another child because of beauracrats who couldn't organise a p***up in a brewery. Keep hoping.

Suzy, So close now. You must have gone through so much to get to this point it'd be natural to get the collywobbles. YOu seem so strong. positive thoughts for you.

Lainey....counting the days/hours/minutes

THings were okay but am getting more and more tummy aches but without any boob involvement which is usually the first sign I'm pg. Also I get a racing heartbeat when i'm pg so far it's still 60bpm, so not overly optimistic. Had my endocrinology appointment yesterday owing to climbing prolactin level. Need to have a brain scan to check for pituatiry tumour. I know these are usually harmless but my husband has gone into orbit. Me being the nutty infertile loon is only concerned that it might delay our next treatment cycle if this doesn't work!! Sorry for long ramble, but we haven't tols anyone about this treatment so don't have anyone else to tell.


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies Back on the roller coaster for me! Decided to have a go with our 1 remaining embrio. Not fair to 
            leave it all alone in the freezer  Hopefully we have made the right decision after our BFN 
            last month which devastated us but feeling stronger now. All going well ET next Tues.
            Hope all you ladies are ok. Have been reading to catch up with all your news. Love to all x


----------



## missyb

hi guys i typed out a message and lost it arrrrrrgh!!!


lyndalou! good luck for tuesday!!! xx

hi dizzy!! not on any treatment as of yet and dread to think what i'd be like!! not sure if it's the pill that made me more stable or if trying for a baby is making me nuts!!! sorry to hear your news hun. please let us know how you get on with your scan.


hope your all well.

amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey girls.

Sorry, no personals today, will be a me post I am afraid.

Having trouble today.  Feel really down and can only attribute it to PMT.  Feel fed up and disappointed.  Now feel silly for saying that I thought it was going to work    What an idiot!

Why can't I be one of the lucky ones?  I want to be a "miracle" story, you hear them all the time but it is never us.

Some words of advice would be good before I go completely  

Lainey


----------



## missyb

aw lainey hun... i so understand how you feel. i know my journey has been very different to yours but the feelings are the same. the only words of wisdom i have are just that.. words. it doesnt change how helpless and useless we feel. the only thing i can say is that you know we are here and that we know how you feel. you know we wont say 'just try and relax' or 'it'll be your turn next' and the kind of things that could turn you into an axe murderess!! i want to come on here and say guess what girls, ive finally got my bfp... but i have a feeling i have a very long wait ahead of me. i want to say be positive but thats just a platitude and the last thing that you feel. just take each day as it comes and you're allowed to have a wobble every once and a while.


im sorry if that doesnt help.


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Lainy -so sorry sweetheart that you are feeling so low, not sure like missby what we can say other than give you a big            and that we love you and will be here for you.Fingers crossed and still try and keep the pma and pupo even if impossible.  I so want you to be one of those miracle ones too.  Take care sweetheart

dizzylou- so sorry that you have to go through all that, you are having quite a time you poor thing sending you some         ^goodluck. also think you are spot on re the pysical side of tx ie the jabs not being so bad (althou i won't be exp EC) its the mental side that is so hard. its such a bloody rollercoaster

lyndalou- welcome back honey,did not know you were going again so soon, thought you had to wait a bit anyway good luck for tues and keep us posted.  also went to see the post you told ang about what an amazing lady that woman is!!

missby - its so frurstrating when you loose a post   

Hi to the rest of you thinking of you as was not that long since last post

all i can say once again girls is good luc            

day 9 and feeling ok just a bit ratty and emotional but ds been waking me upearly.
do feel a bit upset about what someone said today but have decided not to spend time with people who don't make me feel good and am so glad have you lot and have not told many in the real world re the latest tx. I am beginning to think more and more that the friends  i thought I had made in my anetenatals groups most of them are not and don't seem to care about me.
sorry feeling a bit blue about it although on the other hand kind of feel released and realise i love spending time in myhouse
love you all
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Missy - your words have helped, in fact they made me cry (in a good way).  It is so nice to know that you REALLY understand, in a way that my fertile friends never could.  I could scream at the injustice of all this, I am absolutely furious that this has happened to me.  It seems so unfair.  I have always tried to be a good person, I am not mean or selfish.

I said on 2ww board that one of the Mums at school told me how she always referred to her second child as "my middle one" even before she had conceived her third because she "just knew" she would have another.  How dare she!  It made me so angry.  How dare she be so confident of her fertility that she was able to plan in advance how many she was going to have.  I felt like hitting her smug face  

I really appreciate the support.  Trust me, at the moment it is much needed.

Susie - I am sorry you are feeling a bit down.   Don't worry about what "other" people say.  We all understand on here.  I think you are brave and special and are making the right decision, you deserve to be happy and s*d everyone else.  If others had been through what we on here have they would not make stupid, thoughtless remarks.  Ignore them, they don't understand.   Sending you a   lovely girl and some       to keep you smiling.  Your time is nearly here and I am praying that this works for you first time.  Thanks for your lovely words, they really help.

Lots of love to everyone else, especially dizzy - lets hope one of us is lucky (and I don't think it is going to be me!)

Lainey x


----------



## honeyprincess

Hi Girls

Hope you r all ok? 
Once again I have not been on for a bit as i have had lots of things going on!

So a quick update my Colposcopy was awful, painful oh god just not nice, ok u get the picture lol, anyway they wanted to treat it as i had severe abnormalities but  me passed out so they couldnt treat it, they took 4 biopsys   and said i would have to go back under GA for opp to remove the 'bad cells'.
Got app for 12th Nov!So will have to wait at least 2 months after that date to start tx as my cervix will need that long to heal and if all cllear we can start ttc.

Had our Councelling session at oxford which went really well, I went a bit weird cuz i was sat there looking around and strange to think that will be the place we will be ttc oooooh so clinical!
So just waiting now for next app with nurse to discuss the spermies,process & matching DPetc.

Feel bit crap but trying to keep my chin up. just angry that we finally get to this stage of starting tx and now its all put on hold until god knows when!

ok enough of the bad news i have some good!!!!I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST 1ST TIME WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And me n DP have not smoked for 14 weeks!!

Anyway better go put the washing out whilst we have some sun!!

I will try and keep up with posts and not go AWOL again.

Love u all
Laura xxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hey ladies, was about to post a miserable self indulgent post and I read yours honeyprincess (may want to use a different colour, it's hard to read for us oldies!) Sounds horrendous, but hopefully your age will go in your favour .

Missy, really sound words about platitudes, you are so right

Sorry guys but am really struggling, tearful, ratty as hell and rotten cramps. If they are implantation pains (highly unlikely) then I think it is trying to burrow right through and out the other side. Between treatments I'm reasonably sane and then as soon as I get on the merry go round I completely lose it. Thought it might be different this time. Feel like ****. Seems like I've decided on the self indulgent post again. Sorry girls, just want it to stop


----------



## SUSZY

dizzy - so sorry you are feeling so down sending you lots of             fingers crossed so want it to work for you and lainey.
do know what you mean about being ok between as its still optimistic but when you are on that bloody dreaded 2ww its like the whole world stands still, not sure i can cope with the school run during it.  don't forget its ok to struggle and cry and be down it is allowed and sometimes we need to but if you could hold out for a few more days.

honeyprincess - cannot believe what you have been through and the pain and discomfort you are one brave lady, so sorry this is causing such a delay but you do need to be ok first 
congrats on your driving test and at least when you get your cervix sorted it can be full steam ahead !
agree with dizzy re the colour!

lainey - so sorry sweetheart you are not feeling optimistic either, i just don;t understand why it does not work and its so unfair and i dont blame you wanted to hit that woman think i should have done this    to some of those fertile women instead of going out to meals with them and hearing them go on and on about their second ones.
feel so liberated sent i have sent a few of them the empty arms thing
anyway fingers crossed darling we are rooting for you

love and hugs to the rest of you sweethearts


----------



## honeyprincess

Dizzyloo..
I really should use the preview button when i go crazy with the colours!! Sorry! I cant read it either!
Sorry you are feeling crap, we are here for you so u keep on with the self indulgent posts!! 

x Laura x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! we shouldnt apologise for self indulgent posts.. thats what friends do.. sometimes we listen and sometimes we need to offload.. it's give and take and we've all done it for each other.. there is noone on here that is take take take... right lecture over!!

hi dizzy! im so sorry that you feel so pants. i wish i knew wot to say. i think we just have to remember why we are putting ourselves thru all of this c**p and that it will be worth it when we get our bfp's. we have to think that otherwise we'd go mad.. real mad.. coats that do up at the back, padded cell full monty mad! 


hey honeyprincess! we have caught up on pm's but it's soo good to see you back on here hun. i didnt realise it takes 2 mths 4 ur cervix to heal.. they never told me that when i had mine done.. so i guess hoping for a bfp this mth is pointless   glad the counselling went well for you hun and well done on giving up smoking!!! me and dp are struggling with it!!


hey lainey, so glad my message touched you. i felt frustrated as i want to say something that could make what youre feeling go away but the reality is that i cant.. i can just say that i know how you feel,type,cry,rant as much as you need. big hugs for you hun 

hi susie!! what did this person say to you or is it all too painful to relay?? friends are a funny thing hun.. you think some people are real friends and when you need them theyre not around.. then some people suprise you by being a friend when ur in need... hmmm life is complicated... glad your loving your home. sorry you r feeling a bit ratty hun.. i know im awful when i havent been sleeping well. what is the next step for you hun

hi cinders!! where for art thou hun

well not much here to report.. im not sure if im ovulating.. i started to do the opk's on day 10 as suggested but got a bit carried away as it always seemed to come out negative so i now think i may be ovulating and i have no sicks left to find out!! doh. anyway, after reading lauras post im beginning to think that i have another mth before my cervix has healed properly anyway!!! arrrrghhhh.

hope you guys have a fab w.end

ttfn


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

I am so upset.    
Went out with my two best mates tonight. One already has 3 children, the other has 2, and you've guessed already, apparently another one on the way.
Why oh why is not me?    
The pain feels unbearable. Why is my beautiful dd the one who has to be on her own?   
I'm sorry to sound so selfish, especially to you guys.   
Oh god I hate this sooo much.   
I hate my stupid crap body.   
How can I get through this? How many more tears must I shed?
I nearly choked on my hand cut chips when she told us, didn't see it coming tonight...then wham, my world is blown apart again.
Why didn't she tell me on the phone? It would have been so much easier. I could have said my congrats, and put the phone down and dissolved into a blubbering wreck. I had to finish my main course, share a dessert, and have coffee before we left and I could allow myself to cry in the car. My other friend was great, she just kept chatting throughout the meal, I could barely speak, but managed some sort of grin pasted on my face for the rest of the evening.
Just don't see it ever being my turn, I always pick the wrong queue at the supermarket, picked the wrong baby queue for sure.
I haven't even read your posts, so selfish of me sorry.
Just need some understanding.   
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Oh Cinders.  Why are some people so bl**dy tactless?  Does she know what you've been through?  If she does then she's not a very good friend.  When I went back to school after the Summer Holidays, I knew there was another teacher who has also had loads of fertility problems and was ttc.  So I made a plan that I would go and talk to her at the end of the day in private so that if she got upset she could go straight home.  As it happened she was pregnant as well.  Did she afford me the same kindness.  NO.  She just blarted it out in the middle of a training session.  It was a good job I was pregnant at the time.  People can just be so thoughtless.  Clearly your friend hasn't experienced any problems so she has no idea of the impact that news would have on you.  God it makes me mad some people are so selfish.

Lainey-Lou - How are you doing hun?  Is your test date soon?  You've gone very quiet since your last post.  I'm so desperate for it to work for you.  We all need some good news on here and you really deserve it to work out for you.  It's not surprising you've been feeling negative, and I really don't believe that will have any effect on the outcome.  At the end of the day, if it's meant to be it will happen so a few tears and negative feelings won't change anything and after what you've been through, you deserve to have a few wobbles.  I have everything crossed for you I really do.  xxx

Susie - Once again tactless friends have a knack of knee capping you when you are just holding it together.  So much hangs on this for you I know, you are bound to have lots of ups and downs.  I still have a good feeling about it for you and I'm willing it to work out.  Sit tight flower, you are on the countdown now and if there's any justice in this world (which I'm not convinced about at the moment!) then you will get the little one you so richly deserve.  I will be thinking of you.

God I'm so hopeless at personals! I read all the posts then forget who said what!

Dizzylou - I'm sorry to hear about your news.  I really hope that everthing works out for you.

Amanda - I was going to say something really pertinent to you and now sieve brain has forgotten what it was!  I will come back and post again if I remember.  Love to you tho.

Love and hugs to everyone else who is feeling it at the moment.  You all seem to be going through such a hard time.  Something has to give eventually doesn't it?  How lovely would it be to have some good news again?!!

As for me, still plodding on.  Some days crying myself to sleep other days just numb and going through the motions.  I've given up asking why me, what have I done, cos I'll never get the answers.  So its just a case of what next.  We are going to stick to the plan and ttc naturally again next cycle (in a couple of weeks) but I feel sick at the prospect of coping with the tww as I'm not exactly sane at the moment anyway!  I just feel like I'm stuck in a hole at the moment and I'm never going to be able to get out of it.  I know that I will one day, but it seems such a long way off.  Work has really helped though as I'm so busy and stressed out I don't have time to think about things until late in the evenings.  

Am going to spend a weekend with my boys this weekend, as have hardly seen dh this week.  Some great telly coming on as well... Strictly Come Dancing, Robin Hood, Spooks and Waterloo Road, so life isn't all bad!

Take care all and speak next week.

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## dizzyloo

Pand its so lovely to have you back.  

Thanks everyone for all the support.  I gave my self a stern talking to, watched ugly betty and had a glass of wine last night and miraculously am actually feeling better today and feeling a bit more positive. heartbeat is doing funny things, which is either a good sign or I'm about to keel over!!

Goodness only knows what we do  about insensitive people. There is no consolation, we want what they've got and theres no getting away from it. Whatever others do its the wrong thing, if they feel sorry for us , the pity makes us angry, it comes to something when the people we care about get pregnant it feels like a betrayal in some away. I just want to say "could you not have just waited!!". I want to stand up and say loud and proud that I have fertility issues and so do some amazing women I know. But not quite ready. In some way if we could all tell people that its not okay to ask others when they are having their second/third baby or when are they starting a family, or comments about only children. What we need is some kind of education program/raising awareness campaign about the fact that people who only have 1 child or don't have any may not want it to be like that. We will tell you if we want you to know.
Okay have gone from self -pity to militant activism in 24 hours! Rapid mood cycling? Me?


----------



## missyb

afternoon lovlies!! just thought i'd pop on and catch up.

cinders its so good to hear from you though i wish it wasnt because you were upset honey... that sounds wrong.. its always good to hear from you.. right i'll shut up and get on with what i was going to say. god we sound soooo alike it is scary.. i have perfected the airhostess (no offence anyone xx) smile.. chicken? or beef? the smile comes out when people tell me that they are pg or that they are so fertile that they only have to smell their partner and they are pg, or when they tell me to relax.. my time will come... im sure your friend didnt intentionally mean to hurt you, i just think people are thoughtless and dont realise the aftermath of their announcements. i dont know when the tears will end or when your turn will come.. i just know that it will.. for all of us.. we all have picked the wrong baby making queue, where people push in and get served before you.. but the thing is we will get served in the end.. big hugs 4 u xx


hi pand! so good to hear from you. sounds like you have a plan..it may seem like you are in a hole with no way out now.. but you sound so strong. i agree with you it would be lovely to hear some good news.. to give us hope. did you remember what you were going to say to me lol xx take care honey and you know where i am if you need me... 

hi dizzy!! loving the new militant you!!! hope you're having a fab w.end.


still nothing really to report. think im ov today as i had some right sided pain in that area.. i might do a 2ww diary as it saves me ranting on here!!

love to you all!!

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Thanks you guys, still feel knocked sideways, mainly by the way in which she told me. There is no way that she would want to have hurt me, but I don't understand how she thought telling me half way through our meal was the "right" time? Also I keep hearing in my head how she said how much her dd wants a baby, and how she would like a baby sister. I felt like screaming "WHAT ABOUT MY DD!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, WHEN MY DD FACES A FUTURE AS AN ONLY CHILD?" 
Also she said when she had 2nd child, she felt like she had let down 1st child in some way, and now she is pg with 3rd child, she feels that she has let down first two children again. She is entitled to whatever feelings she likes, but why did she have to say them out aloud to me, knowing what I am going through, and how much I am longing for my 2nd child.
She is one of my dearest friends, and she deserves a baby as much as the next person, but I am so shocked at her apparent insensitivity to my situation. This will be difficult to get past, but after 16 years of friendship, I must try.
I truly appreciate all your reassurances and support.
Pand, you are a star. Again, you were being a true fertility friend to your colleague, by planning to tell her your news at an appropriate time, sensitive to her feelings. To be cruelly let down by her blurting it out at what could have been a difficult time. To be let down by a fellow IF sufferer is even worse! Even more of a kick in the teeth! Why are people like this?
I will try and get a rope ladder to help you climb out of your hole. Or I might climb in, and chuck you out?!!!
Missyb, thanks hun. (Your patient washing story did make me laugh!!!  eewwwwwww....) I so want to get served now! I look forward to your diary!
Hey Dizzy, hope you are holding out ok?
Lainey, keep posting hun, we need to hear from you!!! (missing your diary!)
Better go, cat's just been sick, eeewwwww...
Love to all, especially if I haven't done a personal for you. Please don't feel I am excluding you, I'm just not that bright!!!! 
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies Hope everyone is feeling better today. Everyone seems so down at mo.  everyone
The only people who truly now what we are going through are on FF. Try to stay positive 
ladies and beleive we will get our BFP [ OUR TURN WILL COME ]
Love to all xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Morning girls
i love each and every one of you, you are all such amazing women and i feel so lucky to have met each and every one of you and you all deserve BFP!!!




Lyndalou- thanks for the message and good luck to you for tuesday.  ang has written to that lady and got a response which is great.

cinders- sorry to hear you were so down after that meal and i so relate to it as i remember having lots of meals with people who were insensiive about their pregnancys, i am not sure what it is about people that makes them so uncaring and selfish. perhaps they are just so wrapped up in their own world and they are not good at being sympathetic or emphatic because they have not been through it although one would think after a few years of being our friends that they would have picked up on some of our feelings.
i started writing things down last year that annoyed me (well it was a normal diary) and i felt that helped me, think you are supposed to write a diary with all the good things as well but sometimes the bad outweigh the good and then others the good is better.
I think the sad fact is that they are not on our wave length which is so sad.  i had a reply to the emtpy arms from one of the girls and she said perhaps spending so much time with sad people was not doing me good and this made me so mad as we are not sad people we just share our thoughts and feelings and sometimes they are happy and sometimes they are not but they are real and very expressive.  it seems its more ok in our society to be on antidep than to talk about your feelings in public.
i am going to detach myself from certain people and concentrate on special ones like you lot.  ok a heavy reliance on the internet is not always a good thing and i do have some older friends who have always been there for me. in fact i realise and might have mentioned that its the so called friends i have made since having ds that are teh ones who are letting me down.

i am going to post this in sections as don't want to lose it as am on lap top which tends to do that to me so will be back again in a mo.
sorry re spelling and punctuation just typing as i think and feel


----------



## SUSZY

cont my lovelies       

cinders -  meant to say your concept of the baby queue is so good, also its so good for you to come back on here and rant and rave its what we are here for.  i also love your term to pand of being a true fertility friend and that is so right might start saying that instead of my web site but don't want people seeing what i write about them!!!

dizzylou -  thought you were so spot on in explaining what we feel when we hear about others preg, its such a weird thing as i am happy for them but envious its been so easy for them and it really depends on how they tell it, by the end some of the thirds they made a point of tellng me first but other times its not so considerate.  I thought your idea of an education/awarenes programme was fantastic and made me smile and i even read it out to dh as is so spot on.  also about standing up and saying that you know some amazing and special women that also have fertility issues but more importantly know what to say when and are always there for us!!!  You just summed it up all so well as don't think i would have been so bad had i not endured all the events where everyone was preg etc and seeing all the other mums have their seconds and thirds. all i keep thinking now is when its our turn they will know what its like to hve empty arms as all theirs will be at school!!!! i know that is not very charitable but its how i feel. i also feel i can be so expressive and more open and honest on here about the pain of having one and not being able to have another as i still feel a bit guilty sometimes with others who don't have any.  wishing you lots of luck as every

lainey  whre are you honey, we have everything crossed for you and so willing it to work, come back on here darling we miss you!!  thanks for your lovely supportive comments and do hope this is your time

honeyprincess   - love and cuddles to you sweetpea, sending you lots of   
laurab - hope you ok
nanook -  how are you honey
chimer -  how are you sweetie
hissie -  not heard from you for a while hope you are doing ok
teena- how are you doing darling

missby  - you are so expressive as well and i love the idea of you having that fixed grin asking what they want for dinner.  think we all have our self preservation mechanisms to help get us through things. good luck with the ovul things i know i had problems with that part to, have you thought of the persona one its quie expensive but my cousin said it were brill.  re what was said by the friend to be honestit was more that she had told someone else something that I had told her in confidence and its all very petty and more to do with my insecurities and friendship issues, it just was not nice to know they were laughing and talking about me in not a nice way.  i had got very close to another girl and was beginning to regard her as my closest friend and was therefore surprised when i found out she was looking after someone elses kids whilst hers were at nursery (something i had done for her when ds was a school) and lending her clothes etc esp when this other person was someone i had known for five years, i think its complicated as i have a few groups of women i met at classes and then there is the nct where i have met another lot of people but sometimes they are more acquaintances and its just hard to work it all out sometimes then a really nice girl comes along we get very close very quickly then she has a down phase and the next minute she is friends without about 6 other people i know and ends up seeing them more than i do and it just hurts a bit esp as i don't have a second one to take to all these lovely events.  i know i have issues with friends and all i want is  couple of loyal ones who would stand my me, be loyal, stick up for me, defend me and confide stuff in me rather than laugh at little insecurities i might have- i hope that makes sense and i don't come across as some mad woman i am just being honest and i know i am far from perfect but am begining to think is there something seriously wrong with me as am falling out with so many people and yet i feel like i need a period of turning into myself. it also feels bizarre that nearly all these women have a clue of what i am currently going through as in being in the middle of tx but when they did last time it did not alter their behaviour towards me.  think i just give a lot in friendships but also demand a lot! I think thats why i like this site so much as we are all here for each other and we all know instinctivly what the others are going through.  sorry for that outburst it just came out and you did ask, its just a matter of feeling betrayed and let down and feeling foolish!

Pand -  its so lovely to hear from you again and glad you are feeling a bit better but can also really relate to that big hole but its quite understanable after what you have been through, to have got that bfp and then lost it is unbearable and my thoughts , love and healing are with you too.  i am glad that work is helping although don't get too stressed sweetheart.  i am sure every day you will feel a little better and then you will have a bad day and then a better day will follow and you will start to notice that there are nice clouds in the sky, that the trees look beautiful as they change colour and that there are a few things to keep positive and happy about.  hope you are enjoying your weekend with the boys and come back and post soon and you do wonderful posts

hope i have not forgotten anyone and sorry its a bit of a jumble but my sentiments are there
whenever i come back on here you all seem to talk exactly how i feel
anyway its been nice spending some time in the house this weekend and am sorting  a lot of stuff out as we are both in the mood for that, i have put quite a few things aside and am phoning up this organisation called save the family so am putting a few things out for them.  despite all my fallings out with the outside world there are still some nice ones out there and of course you lot are life savers.

take care my sweets
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello everyone, I'm back  

Nothing to report really; mild cramping, frantic knicker checking but nothing yet.  Last cycle I started bleeding 9dpt, I am now 11dpt so that's progress   

As for cr*p friends, I can top them all.  I have a friend who I have known since school (so for 25 years), she was my best friend at school.  She tried for her second child for two years so has a history of IF - you would therefore think she would understand, right?

She knew that we were having trouble conceiving no 2 and would make all the right noises - "I understand" "I've been there" "Other peoples announcements really hurt", etc, etc.  She had also had both her children dangerously early (29 weeks) so was advised not to have any more. 

Two christmas's ago I received a christmas card from her with the usual greetings and - PS we are expecting no 3.  I couldn't believe it!  We discussed it and I told her how hurt I was to be told in a christmas card, she apologised and we forgot about it.  I called her every week durin g her pregnancy to check on her progress, to make sure she was ok - she had to have a stitch put in her uterus to try and hold the baby in, but it didn't work and the baby dropped early so she had to have complete bed rest.  I told her all about my heartache and longing for another and told her that as soon as her baby was born I wanted to come and visit.

I then received a TEXT MESSAGE to say the baby had arrived!  I sent a card saying that I wouldn't call as I knew she would be busy and that she could call when she was ready.  I waited a month!  In the end I rang her and said that I had a present for the baby and really wanted to bring it over so perhaps she could call when she was up to visitors.  I waited another month!  I sent the present in the post in the end and put a note in saying that I really wanted to meet the baby so please call.  Another week went by with no word so I rang another school friend to ask what was going on,  she told me my friend had moved, so probably hadn't received the present!  Can you believe that?  

Eventually I got hold of her new number, called her and told her that I was really hurt that she hadn't called me and that I really wanted to meet the baby and I received a really frosty response.  She told me she had been too busy to call me or email me (although I noticed she had had enough time to update friends reunited with the news of her 3rd baby!) and that they needed family bonding time.  3 MONTHS of bonding time.

Our friendship has never been the same.  We don't ring eachother now and only see eachother because other friends arrange something and we both go.  It is a shame but I can't forgive her.  All through her pregnancy I rang to see if she was ok and as soon as she got the complete family she wanted she wasn't there for me atall.  She never rang to see how I was   

The saddest thinng is that me and dh are godparents to her second son and her and her dh are godparents to our dd.  I wish we hadn't had them now.  She doesn't even know about the IVF.

What a long/sad tale  

The moral of this story - don't tell Lainey any sad stories you may have because she will bore you too death with her tales of woe  

Anyway, hi to everyone, sorry we are all having a pants time.

Cinders - I think your friend is tactless and thoughtless.  You deserve better.

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

Suszy, that was an amazing post and I was thinking about it this afternoon so much I nearly crashed the car!.  
I suppose I just want to add to the crap friends thing a couple of points.

I suppose I have been on both sides of the fence. I conceived my DD after only 3 months, and I remember crowing at my post-natal group about how I had every intention of going back to work after maternity leave pg and how I wanted kids close together blah blah. Now I am the one that hasn't had any more and it turns out that 2 women in my group had had IVF to have their babies and they have now gone on to have their second. they must have wanted to punch me, but I had no idea what all this meant until it happenned to me. I could empathise but I don't think I really thought about it. It has now got to the point where the kids third birthday is coming up and they are having a party and I just can't bring myself to go. But what I think happens with people you make friends with at NCT/play group etc is the only thing you have in common is kids and once the novelty of talking about pureed carrots wears off, the friendship is fairly fragile.
Also I have/had a really good friend who in fact was my bridesmaid and we were really close, and she probably knows me better than most. Anyway at the age of 26 she went through the menopause and at the time my DD was only six months old. Anyway I supported her as best I could and we stayed friends. But then I told her we were going through IVF and I've never heard from her since. I guess it was too painful for her that at least I had a chance and she didn't. I understand but am p****d off that infertility has destroyed yet another friendship and we are both on the same side!

The other thing is I think that as women we are fairly able to express our feelings and are quite happy to share our gynae histories with anyone that will listen, but it is so different for our DH/DP's. MY Dh is pig sick of people asking him when number two is coming along and his painted on grin is wearing out. It's not like he can turn round and say "Well I'm firing more blanks than the TA and my wifes uterus is a war zone" !!!!!!!

Anyway I really think we should try and publicise our cause some how, we have awareness days for everything else why not about us. Maybe we should tour ante-natal groups and give talks about being sensitive to women with fertility issues/ magazine articles/ talk to GP's I don't know but when this is all over for all of us, I hope we find the energy to help the women coming after us.
Lots of love to you all
Keep the positive thoughts coming to keep AF from the door


----------



## lainey-lou

God Dizzy, you must be a youngster, not like us old crumblies


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## dizzyloo

No my friend was 26!!! I'm 34 now so not so young. Thanks for the PM, glad to hear you more positive. I have decided that whether you are positive or negative during the 2ww, it won't make any difference to how you feel when the result comes so might as well be happy and stop making DH's life a misery!
Fingers,toes and fallopian tubes crossed for wednesday!!!


----------



## lainey-lou

Imagine, two BFPs on here in one day  

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Lainey lou and dizzyloo - come on girlies...      

Ive just been reading through the posts...(How many!!!!!!!) you just cant believe how insensitive other people are, even people who have been in the same position as all of us at one time. I never dream of asking people with one child , are they going to have any more? The girls at my work have all had their babies now, it doesnt seem that long ago they were telling me they were pregnant. One of them brought her new baby to work and everyone was taking turns for a cuddle, i just couldnt my heart was breaking. 
I have been finding it hard to get over our last failed cycle, Although this website has taught me that I am blessed to have one child, my ds may turn out to be an only child, but we will still have my ds.  
You are all very brave, strong woman, noone understands what this pain of IF feels like unless they have experienced it themselves. 
I keep saying to myself, what will be, will be. Im sure you all say this too, but sometimes its still a hard saying to say. 

Id also like to finish with, why do all the clinics in the UK charge so much for treatment, when the international ones charge a lot less, for eg Turkey? Doesnt make any sense? 

Anway girlies thinking of you, everyone take care, love and luck to everyone..Gab  xxxxx

P.S Suzy - hope jabs are going ok chicken..  xxx


----------



## cinders35

Just popped on to check all is well, am thinking of you Lainey and Dizzy, and hoping that we will get a double whammy!!!

              
          
               
               
         
         
          
Hoping and praying for you guys,
Love Cindersxxx
p.s thanks for all your "cr*p friends" stories, it really cheered me up!   Twisted or what! I am coming to terms with my friends pg, but struggling a bit still with how insensitive she was. 16 years, best friends. I just can't fathom it. This has been the hardest pg news yet.


----------



## lainey-lou

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't stand the suspense and tested today.  It's a       

I am in total shock.  All my extremities have gone numb, I think I might faint.  I can't believe it.  I never thought this day would come.  I am terrified of what the future holds now, with my history of m/c but I am going to try and do everything right so it is just down to nature.

Someone pinch me, I am asleep, right?

Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey that is fantastic news and the 2nd one ive heard today... well done sweetheart


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey i have just txt Susie to tell her your news and she is thrilled for you. She's at the dentist at the mo.
She said 'WELL DONE'
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Well done Lainey!!! 
       
       
   ........You go Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Aww, thanks everyone.

Thanks Angie for letting Suzy know, you really are a love!

I am still in utter shock.  I feel like I am in some kind of parallel universe where good things happen to me  

Would like to say I am going to have a drink to celebrate tonight, but have decided to be teetotal so lemonade it is!

I still can't take it in.  Even if the dream were to end, at least I have tasted success for a while.

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

Lainey that is absolutely fantastic, I am absolutely thrilled for you. My offical test day not until Saturday which might as well be in the next millenium. Don't know how long I will hold out for
have never used an emoticon before but I think this warrants it


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## lainey-lou

Dizzy

I have everything crossed for you now.  Two in a week would be unprecedented.  Come on, you can do it, you are on the home straight!

Thanks for the support, it is much appreciated.

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

No pressure then!


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## honeyprincess

Hey Girlies

Just popped on to say a huge CONGRATUATIONS         to Lainey Well done u!!!!! 

Good luck Dizzyloo heres lots of babydust!!    


Hope everyone else is ok, and hope its nothing major at the dentist Suszy, I had 3 fillings 2 weeks ago and they still hurt!!! 


Talk later 
Love ya all
xx Laura xx


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## cinders35

YAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
         
          
           
         
               
Love Cindersxxx
p.s. Budge over, I need to sit in your seat!


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## missyb

go lainey!!!!! well done you!!!!!!!!                                              

before i run out of emoticons let me just say a bit CONGRATS hun... dp says congrats too!!!


i bet you are in shock hun.. big hugs from me and keep us posted babes xx


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

lainey-lou                       
so so many congrats lainey - well done girl - so happy for you and over the moon and you so deserve it (as everyone does on here)
when ang told me I was so excited and yelled out!!!!
you must keep posting - we need positive stories and it would be great to let teena know.
think you are the second bfp of people who keep in contact although we did have one a long time ago by pip i think it was but she did not like to come on as she felt bit guilty (she did the diy sperm insem)
where are the dancing bananas
so nice to use the bfp and it be for a real one
Think you have the best attitude just enjoy it for every moment.
re the crap friends - think that story might get the prize!!!  sorry for you sweetheart

honeyprincess - no just a check up but he did a severe cleaning job which hurt! sorry babe about all those fillings so painful.  to be honest still think back to feb when I had that tooth wrenched out and i don't think i have ever been as low as that (well other than m/c) 

gabrielle - sorry honey think i have been missing you out on posts and did not mean too sorry babe but you know how easy it is.  sorry you still having a hard time at work with pg cannot be easy.

dizzy - I so think you are right about touring with our cause, Angela wants to promote Ed perhaps we could all do it together,
thanks for thinking about me and my ramberlings but sorry you nearly crashed the car.  I often think about whats written on here and feel like i can really be myself.  come on sweetheart we are all rooting for you          
ps you also reminded me that i conceived ds easily and then the second two preg as well despite not keeping them and one of the reasons i had the six month break when i turned 40 was that i was over confident it would happen easily and remember telling people that so perhaps i was not the most sensitive i could have been back then either.  Sometimes i feel like it mighte be punishment, I also think if we knew we were going to have another I could just wait impatiently its the not knowing thats the hardest

love and luck to the rest of you my fertility friends not listing you all again but you know i love each and every one of you
been going to bed early as feel tired,
inj going surprisingly well, have a couple of bruises and dh forgets sometimes and phones me to remind me but have already remembered.  scan in 2 days, i must do a ticker 

angela - you are a gem for telling me today thanks a mill it so cheered me up
met a girl off here again called Helen and its so nice to meet up with someone, she is lovely and has had quite a journey herself of icsis and an etopic (hope she does not mind me sharing) its just so nice to meet up with like minded
also looking forward to meetin up with my angel again!!!
take care my sweets
love
susie


----------



## chimer

Hello!!!

I've spent ages reading and catching up on posts. I've been sat here nodding in agreement at all the "insensitive friends" stories. I've felt so much better reading them - you lot remind me, that I am not crazy and what I feel is normal in our circumstances. And for that - I love you all!!

LAINEY!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! It's so encouraging to read news like that! Your head must be spinning!

dizzy - Best of luck for Saturday hun, am sending   vibes your way.

I'm sorry for the lack of personals, dh wants the laptop and I've already been on here over an hour  

We've got our initial consultation on Thursday. I'm also thinking of trying acupuncture. I'm so screwed up with all this, I think I need to try and get my head right, before/if we try IVF.

Big hugs to you all!

Lou x


----------



## lainey-lou

Evening all!

Thank you for the lovely messages of support, they mean so much.

Dizzy is going to be next and then Susie, right!  That is an order  

Don't think you will be getting rid of me, I will still be posting on here, for a few reasons:

1)  I have a LONG way to go before I can relax about this pregnancy so will still need your support.  I am expecting some emotional times ahead.
2)  I am not about to desert you lot when you have all supported me, we are all in this together for the long haul and I want to be around to see your BFPs
3)  because I am very nosey  

The only tip I would like to give is acu on the day of transfer.  I did that this time and not last time.  Just a thought.

Still in complete shock  

Speak soon.

Lainey x


----------



## lyndalou

Congrats Lainey  GOOOOOOO girl      


dizzy......your next hon Best of luck for Sat x

Well im off to clinic now. Blasty survived the thaw so all systems go.

Hi to everyone else


----------



## cinders35

Well done "blasty"!!!!
Remember Lainey only had one embie put back, this could be your little fighter too Lyndalou!     for transfer!

Hey dizzy, it's such a tough time this 2ww malarky, hope you are ok?     Keeping everything crossed for you.

How you feeling Lainey hun? Glad you are not going anywhere, we need you!!!  

Wonder how Teena is doing? Hope she is ok. Wonder has drownedgirl seen your news yet Lainey?

I have put wheels in motion to have a laparoscopy. I feel good to have made my decision. Think it will put my mind at rest. I suspect endo, but we'll see. Just want someone to have a look, and then I will be able to feel more positive for next cycle.

Love to all,
Sorry not got much time. Kitchen cupboards to clean out before dd home from school! My oh so exciting life!
Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Morning all!

After the euphoria of yesterday I am feeling a bit flat today    The reality of the situation is starting to hit me.  I know I have a really long way to go and, if I am honest, I am petrified  

I am still checking my knickers every hour or so and feel as if the next 17 days (until "viability" scan) are going to be torturous.  Just can't believe this is all going to be ok.  Pand's m/c is still fresh in my mind and I am so frightened of having yet another one.  Don't think I could cope with that.

Lyndalou - well done with the frostie.  It only takes one     

Susie - good luck with the scan, we all have everything crossed for you on here.

Dizzy - not long now.  The days are counting down.  I so hope it works for you.

Cinders - good decision on the lap.  If it puts your mind at rest it can only be a good thing.

Love to everyone else.

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls
Having a lazy day in as ds not well today.

Lainey - of course its understandable and I think that is the trouble with this whole journey for us we are exhausted emotionally just to get to the stage of preg and now there is more worry and I am afraid as you know you will worry each and every day and its only natural.  I think its just a matter of trying to be postive and just keep hoping it will all work out well which I am sure it will.
it is a long way to go but we are all here for you.  When I read your tickers it made me smile and shed a tear of happiness for you.  i am so made up for you sweetie.  I will send a note to Drowned girl for you unless you want to do it?

dizzy - your turn next and so good luck for this week, not sure how you are going to get through it though but we are here for you!

lyndalou - so good luck for today esp with that blasty, fingers crossed

Cinders great news you have made a decision about the lap although don't think its the pleasantist of experiences nut as lainey says it puts your mind at rest and you have made a decision too.  good on you for cleaning kitchen cupboards - we had a big clear out at weekend and it feels really good to have sorted stuff out even more!

chimer - good luck for thursday and re acupunc think after laineys comment might have another go at that. seems we all agree about the whole friendship issue which makes me feel a whole lot better! thanks for the support.

missby - thanks so much for all your support as well, your comments and the other girls  has meant such a lot you all confiding in me re your horror friend stories and has made me feel normal and sane just when i was beginning to think it might be me

love and hugs to the rest of you as ever
dizzy- hope the rest of the week good for you and lyndalou let us know how you get on

love
susie


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! what a miserable day outside!! there is soooo much going on on here!! i have nothing amazing to report im afraid.

cinders.. hi hun glad you have put wheels in motion hun. how long do u think you will have to wait for your laparoscopy?? hopefully it wont be too long before you get some answers!!


lainey!! i can so understand how terrified you must feel. im glad we arent going to lose u on here!! we want to know how your getting on.

hi suzy!! snap dd at home with a dodgy belly... you are definatley not the one with the problem hun. how are you feeling about tomorrow keep us posted.


lyndylou!! hi babes fingers crossed for you... xx

hi chimer!! hope all goes well for thur..ive heard so many positive things about acupuncture that i may consider it myself.. if you do decide to do it let me know how you find it..


anyway girlies.... im off to watch cruddy daytime tv and find my brolly before i pick up my other dd.


hi to all those ive missed but not forgotten...


amanda xx


----------



## dizzyloo

Don't think it's me this time girls. Belly increasingly uncomfortable, no other pg signs and I keep crying, so not looking good all in all. Still at least we might fit in  another cycle before xmas. I just don't understand it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, why won't they stick.

Just to add insult to injury insensitive people story number 347. Walked into visiting lecturers office today and saw a woman who is a midwife, who knows about my problems conceiving and has had 3 miscarriages herself. and she's about 5 months pg, which is fine. There was also another woman I didn't know there who was also heavily pg. Insensitive Midwife pipes up "oh yes this is the pregnant women's room". Unfortunately temper got the better of me and I walked out saying well I'd better leave then eh? 

Then went to a meeting with someone else having walked across London in the p***ing rain which was a complete waste of time. Have spent most of the day walking about in the rain when all I want to do is curl up and cry. DH is stuck in peterborough because they have cancelled all the trains

Anyway Cinders I think the Lap is a good idea it does sort of put your mind at rest. i'm surprised you didn't have to have one before all this.

Hope you okay Lainey, at least it worked for one of us. lets hope suzy is next eh?


----------



## missyb

hi dizzy!! come on babes it aint over till the fat lady sings and i aint singing yet!!!!! just reading thru laineys old posts and she didnt really have any great symptoms to report hun and look at our lainey now!! stay positive hun.. is sat test day?? omg!!! some people are so insensitive and deserve a huge slap in the chops!! especially as the insensitive midwife has had problems too.. she should know better!! im so soz that dh is stuck in peterborough as it sounds like you could do with a huge hug, choc and some tlc...   i know its not the same hun but the thought is there.


mwah


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hey dizzy, I'm sorry things aren't looking good for this cycle. Though there is still some hope yet, the not knowing is agony isn't it. You want to know, but then if it's negative you want to (in the words of Cher) "....turn back time" and not know again!
Silly midwife, silly pregnant woman's room!!!! (My friend who is pg and tactless is a midwife!!!!)
Nothing I can say to make you feel any better, other than you are not alone, and I think I can speak for most of us, when I say, we understand.
Keep thinking about you Lainey, wondering how are you doing!! Will you have a blood test to check levels? Or is it just a case of waiting for scan?
Hey missyb, not sure about lap yet. Still waiting for secretary to phone me. If I haven't heard anything by thursday, will give her a ring, just to check they haven't forgotten me. We all know what hospitals sre like!!!!?   Hope dd feeling better?
Hi Suszy, keep us posted re scan.  Hope ds feeling better?
Dd asked yesterday "WHEN can I have a baby?" If only she knew... 

I feel quite low really, I can paper over the cracks, and have done so many times, but the cracks keep ripping the paper! I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to need some professional help. My confidence is at an all time low, and I think I might be getting a bit paranoid! For instance I got to school early today, and nobody came to chat. I normally get there a bit later and am quite happy to go and chat to other mums, but they didn't come to chat to me today. You see? How ridiculous I'm being. Can't believe I'm even going to post this! Pathetic! I hate what IF has done to me, I HATE it!

Looking for reassurance.... 
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Thanks girls.
Cinders what you are describing is depression and it makes me so angry that IF makes us feel like that. I have never been depressed in my life  but dear god I know what it feels like now after the last six months. DH keeps saying when are we going to be happy again. Sometimes I think at least if we just gave up we could move on, have some counselling and learn to live with it. It's just so hard to keep going. I know it happens for some people and if one more person tells me that it happened to someone they know after 30 attempts when they were 63 ( slight exageration but you know what I mean) ...
Anyway Missy don't start singing and if you do I want I will survive.
Looking forward to big glass of wine tomorrow when Af comes a knocking


----------



## missyb

aww cinders & dizzy i just want to give you both a big   

cinders.. you sound a bit like me in that on the outside you can be smiling all the while on the inside you can be falling apart. i dont think you are paranoid hun, i just think when we feel less confident we pick up on things that we wouldnt normally. if makes you doubt your own ability and worth as a woman. dont forget hun you are a strong and special woman.. remember that or else!!  chavvy misseyb will kick ur ass!!


dizzy i can so relate to all you said.i will sing any requests hun... i do a mean (as in v bad) i will survive!! i massacred that song in a gay bar (sober) !!!


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Awwww, girls.

Dizzy - don't give up.  Remember me last week, saying I was sure it was all over.  Cramps/no cramps, spotting/no spotting, it is all irrelevant, just wait for the result.  I am keeping everything crossed for you    

That woman needs a good slap.  There are so many insensitive people around, we should definitely do something about it  

Cinders, lovie - you are not paranoid.  I have to say I have thought exactly the same in the playground.  I sometimes feel I am not in the toddler club, they all have buggies and talk about their sleepless nights/nappy rash/baby vomit and I feel left out.  It is really tough.  I think counselling is a good idea, it can't hurt can it?  You can always bore us to death anyway, our advice is free    Sending you a  .  I think you are a special, wonderful person and you should never forget that we all love you    I hate to hear you so down, wish I could magic your pain away  

Susie - let us know how the scan goes     We are all excited for you.

Missyb - hope dd feels better soon.

Lyndalou - good luck with your embie, let us know how you get on    

I am feeling slightly nauseous tonight, don't know if it is pregnancy symptoms or fear    i also had to have a nap this afteroon, so that is a good sign, isn't it?

Analysing every twinge.  See, even when you get a BFP the misery doesn't end.  I will not start to enjoy being pregnant until I reach week 12 and I am slightly more convinced I might actually see a baby at the end of this.

Love and luck to all.

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Suzy - just wanted to say hope the scan goes well today     , ill be thinking of you and Ange (What a remarkable person she is!!!)....Gab  xxxxx

Dizzy -   ,fat lady doesnt have her mouthwash out yet ok...keep going..     

Lyndalou -    

Hello to everyone else and hope everyone is well, Love and luck to everyone...Gab


----------



## dizzyloo

Thanks gabby, where are you in your treatment?
Good luck, suszy hope all is well
Sorry LYndalou, don't think I have said good luck to you for your FET,waht a brave woman going through this again so soon. YOu must have the 2ww down to a fine art.
Lainey, feeling tired is definatly v. good sign

Well so far no sign of AF despite OCD style knicker checking. It is not normal to spend this amount of time examining one's gusset.
Anyway last night had the most excruciating Stomach pains that would only go away if I laid  completely flat. Became so convinced AF was imminent that I had a wee voddy and ciggy. Have to go shopping this pm and am going to have to try  really hard to ignore that siren like call of the clearblue......


----------



## dizzyloo

Better tell the fat bird to sling her hook!

Got a BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Belly still a bit uncomfortable and a bit worried about last nights events, but que sera sera, I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts (hopefully for the next 9 months)

Does this mean I'm allowed in the pregnant womens room now?


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Cinders   Sorry your not having a good time at moment. Think if your feeling down its easy to gt a little parinoid. Cheer up
               hon. Its good that you have decided to have test done. Great to take control of your own tx.  

Susie         Hope everything went well today 

Dizzy         Try to stay positive hon and hopefully it will be a glass of champers instead of the red wine x

Lainey       Try to relax and enjoy. Maybe its time to take up knitting 

Chimer       Hope acupunture goes well. If we get a another BFN deff will do it for next cycle. 

Missyb       Kareoke sober  your brave

Hi Gabrielle 

Big   for everyone else. sorry no more personals. DH wants me resting on the coach. Think he is just trying to get the
                   computer for himself!


----------



## lyndalou

DIZZY our posts must of crossed.

CONGRATS hon      
I am so happy for you. Get out the champers!


----------



## dizzyloo

I'll give it a big sniff and look longingly (the champers that is!)


----------



## Pand

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!


----------



## Pand

Sorry I hit the wrong button I was so excited!

DIZZYLOU and LAINEY you fantastic, clever, wonderful women!!!! I am utterly thrilled for both of you!  I cannot believe it!  Two in one week?  I cannot think of anyone in the world who I would want to hear this news from more right now!  And surely, this must be the start of a positive run?

I completely understand that you will both be terrified for many weeks to come, but do try to enjoy it just a little bit.  Allow yourselves just a momentary think about what life will be like and the occasional sneak peek at a baby book even if you are too scared to go the whole hog!!!!!  You have both been through so much and been so brave.  I will be keeping everything crossed for you both and you must keep us posted with all updates!  I will be holding my breath for you for the next twelve weeks too, so any news will allow me to breathe just a little!

Oh Suzy, I so want it to be you next.  Fingers crossed my love.

Will catch up on personals at the weekend.  All love

Amanda


----------



## chimer

Hi, I was just having a quick catch-up, but didn't intend to post yet - until................. I saw dizzys BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP BFP!!!!!!!!

What a week it's been on here, 2 BFPs!! Congratulations dizzy, nice one!



Lou  x


----------



## lainey-lou

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Go Dizzy, go Dizzy     

I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.

You must be thrilled.

Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months (for both of us)

Susie - you're next!

Love Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Oooops, forgot to tell  you about my day.

Had a really awful start to the day this morning. My mother and DH had convinced me that I should do another test this morning as it was technically test day so I did a test and no cross came up in the window, just a horizontal line and a very faint line in the control window.

Spent about the worst hour of my life, getting dd ready for school and getting her there.  Cried all the way to Boots to get another test and then went in Cafe Nero's toilets and sobbed as I peed on my second test of the day.  This immediately came up with a definite cross.  I couldn't stop crying for ages, it was absolutely awful.  What an 8 weeks this is going to be 

I found the number for the early pregnancy unit in my old filofax and called them this morning.  They tested me when I had my two m/cs and had told me to call as soon as I got pregnant again so...... two years later    They are seeing me tomorrow morning and apparently I may be asked to do injections to help sustain the pregnancy.  I would be quite happy to do that (did you ever think you would hear me say that?), anything to increase my chances of keeping this embie on board.  I think it would help me feel a bit more confident.

Anyway, that's me.

Well done Lyndalou - I saw that you had your embie put back today, good luck    

Susie - how was the scan?  We need to know.  

Speak soon.

Lainey xx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies just in from long day but had to check OMG DIZZY                             

emoticon finger numb now so just time to say congrats!!!!


2 in 1 week yay!!!


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear girls
update re scan in a mo (nothing drastic nothing great just about a weeks delay but more about that later)
was casually reading through when Dizzylours                       so so so excited for you - well done girl
wow girls 2 in one week well done we are so proud of you and pleased.
it happened on another thread of mine so we must really be on a good run on FF
dizzy of course you can go into the preg ladies room now but what an insensitve comment to make (unless they knew by some second sense!) and I am sure you won;t be like that with others as it was so out of order.

Lainey - hope you are doing ok sweetheart and not feeling too sick. still so over the moon for you and now you have someone to compare notes with but do keep posting on here too.  I told DG your news as she wrote about something else so will let her know re dizzy too, what a great run on here.  

Pand -  I thought your post was amazing and so lovely after what you have neen through and its a sad reminder about how tough this path can be but thought your advise was wonderful and you are a lovely person for posting.  hopefully the girls will enjoy every mo despite the worries.  (my heart still goes out to you though pand and you are always so lovely and kind to everyone)

lyndalou -  soo good luck for you too my sweet - you are next

chimer - any news on the acupt and hope you are doing ok 

Gab - thanks for your good luck wishes and hope that you are doing ok 

missby - lots of love and hugs to you my sweet, how are you today and what have you been up to?

Cinders -    sorry that you are feeling so down and thought you writing about paper/cracks and ripping was very expressive and do hope you start to feel better soon, I really think a bit of counselling would not go a miss, go to the gp and say you are finding it hard and can you be put on waiting list for counsellor from surgery that should be free.  it cannot harm.  I also think its therapy just being on here too.  As missby says you are a wonderful special person and don't forget that.  I so relate to the playground incident I hate the playground and the way people can make me feel **** when I am feeling happy when I get there, I try not to let it bother me and some days are better than others, last week when I was a bit down I just stood there with my sunglasses and phone and it was quite good to chose to stand on my own but you cannot help notice what others are doing.  I just love not going to the school playground and then I think I am letting this IF spoil what should be a special time and then of course even ones with kids don;t like it do not sure why it happens when everyone feels the same!  anyway darlking take care and hope you feel bit better soon 

anyway my news and I have copied Angelas reply on another thread (hope she does not mind) and also put mine on bottom
- see if you can make sense of it all -

Suszy went for her scan today and because ger period isnt due till next wk her lining is still thick so she cant start her oestrogen tablets. My AF came today and ive got my scan next Wed. The way it would have worked is Suszy would have started the oestrogen today i will start stimming next wed (hopefully) and we would apparentley have had a week to play with inway of the dates but cos Suszy isnt due till next week we may not have the play so the only thing to do would be to keep me d/r for an extra week.
Suszy was worried about how i felt about that but i honestly dont mind, it makes no difference to me at all.
The positive side to it is that the nurse said that judging by the thickness of suszy's lining she should respond well to the treatment when it comes to her lining needing to be thick. 
So it may mean that things are delayed by one week so ec for me may be early Nov.. we'll see. If Suszys AF arrives in the next few days then she can have her scan with mine next wed and maybe carry on as usual. the only thing that cant happen is me being delayed once i start stimming. Its ok whilst d/r. if it came to that id have to still have ec and they would have to freeze them.

my version - scan went ok but my lining was thick so cannot start the oestrogen and have to wait for my af (as everyone else is waiting for it not sure why i did not click mine would be any different) anyway once af starts i have to phone clinic and hopefully can have scan with angela on wed or have one on Friday but it might mean there is a weeks delay so EC and ET will be week commencing 5th Nov rather than the 29th.
think that is my correct understanding, was worried for angela as she will have been d/r for 21 days next wed and adding another week takes her to 28 she said she is ok about it, and we don't really want to risk not having the week to play with although the nurse said it did not look like I would have a problem its just too much of a risk to do it to the day in case i am not ready and then angelas eggs would have to be frozen, this way she is waiting for me for a week then I will be waiting for her but at least we have the week to play with if we need it.  only just beginning to make sense in my head now.

the only problem being that Dh is very stressed at work the week from Hell as he calls it and in a bad mood and has just come back from seeing his grandad in hospital and his mum don't think that is helping his sperm!

anyway hope that makes sense and many congrats again dizzy fancy that esp when you and Lainey were so doubtful just goes to show that nice things to happen to nice people on this thread - lets just hope it happens to all the rest and soon too.

love as ever girls and thanks for being there for me I really do appreciate all the love and support it means the world.
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

not sure why the hearts did not come out girls (esp pands)  but here they are


----------



## cinders35

OMG OMG!!!!
Was going to bed, and just had a sixth sense thing to check up on you guys,
          
           
          
                 
What a clever girl you are Dizzy!!!!
Cannot believe 2 in one week!!! We were due for some good news!
Big love to you Pand, for being so utterly lovely.    
Not sure I quite understand all scan malarky Suszy, but     anyway! You seem to have it all under control!
Love to all,
Got to go, (   ) Tmi??!!!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hi guys, Suzy that must be really disapointing for you. In FF a week feels like a month. Damn that old witch, turns up when you don't want and has something better to do when you need her!
I have to say it comes to FET I would wholeheartedly reccomend it and not just because it worked for me. If I had to do this again I would have all my eggs frozen after EC so that you can have them in a natural cycle. If you have plenty of embies its worth a risk because once they have survived the thaw their chances are as good as fresh ones. I know it's slightly different for you but not having a body full of chemicals does make it slightly easier to deal with, although judging by some of my posts you may not think so!!


----------



## missyb

morning all!! i think im getting the lurgy that seems to be going round!! it's a good job we dont have webcam because id scare away small children and animals!!!

hi suzy! (and her angel!) this all sounds like a military exercise! you are both totally amazing or what you are going thru. you are an inspiration to us all.

hi pand.. lovely to hear from you honey bun.. how are you doing?? i totally agree with susies sentiments.. i feel bad as im not sure i could be so brave (if thats the right word and im not sure it is) your advice is good.

hi dizzy!!! has it sunk in yet hun

hi lainey.. omg hun read your post yesterday but wasnt really compis mentis (??) how are you feeling now?? thatve been the most awful feeling ever..did you get hold of the unit hun?? wot did they say. i think it's been said before but i'll say it again anway, the bfp is just the start of it.. im still sooooo excited for both you and dizzy but i can understand how terrified you feel.

hi cinders!! hope bms was good  tee hee and that you are keeping well hun. you know where i am if the paper cracking gets too tough..mwah


hi to honeyprincess,emilycaitlin, teena, chimer,gabriele, and anyone else that my lurgy addled brain had forgotten to mention xx


amanda


----------



## SUSZY

morning girls
hope you are all ok this morning and sending you all lots of love and luck as ever and thanks for always being there for me and making me smile and feel very normal.

missby - sorry you are not too well, i feel a bit of a cold coming and am not my best today although had alovely coffee with a couple of girls today and it was really nice even saw a girl in the cafe with a new born and she looked a bit glum and lonely and i was sitting there laughing and joking and she probably wished she was us, funny old life really isn't it.
hope that you feel better soon.

dizzy - how are you today, bet you are still in a bit of shock and so happy!! Thanks for your comments re frozen and if we have enough eggs and they make it we will go for one frozen cycle should the first not work and have heard often how the FET cycle works about the fresh but at the mo would prefer the fresh.  its also one of the reasons we are considering going to blast because think the frozen ones are at that stage when they are frozen and there seems to be so many success stories.  Obviously you and of course DGirl being one of them so just have to wait and see.  Have brought this up with the nurse and she said we would be best to speak to the embrologist on the day!

Lainey - like missby said i am sorry i did not say about that horrible experience you had the other day and do hope that you got on ok with the epu and that you have got all the info/inj etc that you need, looks like its going to ba a mammoth journey for you and as we have all said its just one long hard road but we will be with you every step of the way.

Cinders and Pand special hugs for you and of course for everyone else gab, honeyprincess, teena, emily caitlin, chimer and please come back everyone else as it would be lovely to hear from you.  I had a post from samblue and noticed she has not logged on since may so she has perhaps decided to move on.  trouble with this site is you don;t always know where and what people are up to.
Kelway used to be a regular on here too and think she is having a break for a while.

acutally quite looking forward to school run this afternoon as have a funny story to tell, was not sure whether to be happy or sad this am and as am over emotional at mo its quite easy to be both anyway i had it confirmed that ds has gone back a colour of reading book to help is confidence so that got me a bit down but I also realilsed that one of the new mums her little boy started this term who has recently divorced the boys father (and he was coming to school for  a while when she was away) anyway her partner and I think she must have left said husband for this bloke - a few of us girls had been saying he was quite good looking and brightened up the morning run - anyway my little brain started ticking as when i went to collect ds from a play date with her she was talking about her partner saying he was local etc etc and then when I looked at him i thought hang on a mo i think i might recognise you!! and the more and more i think about it its someone i went to college with back in 83/84 and a had a brief crush on him and have been giggling to myself all day about it!!! You know how you suddenly wonder what people will look like 20 odd years later well it suddenly dawned on me I think it might be him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It was only a matter of weeks you understand but it suddenly takes me back to those days when you had crushes and when life was carefree and it was all head of us and we did not know what path lay ahead.  anyway sure that does not make sense but am sure you can all imagine what it might be like to suddenly see one of the dads doing the morning school run and suddenly realise not only did you know him but you had a brief crush and the cocky so and so and think he might be.  anyway I am off to find out, i had made a play date with the new boy for next wed but cannot do it now as may have this other scan so have to sort that out with her and innocently ask her the surname of her current beau!! and try not to giggle too much when we realise it is the same man!!!
must go as late now
take care nice to have a bit of light relief is it not
love
susie


----------



## missyb

hi susie how did the school run go lol your post made me laugh!! i remember the good old days when things were carefree... my biggest drama was when john taylor of duran duran got married!!! your post got me thinking about people i had crushes on at school.. im happy but the whole IF thing has made me feel like my sanity is fading fast! thank goodness i can come on here and rant to my hearts content and just get it out of my system!!


hope you're all ok.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Evening everyone,
How you all doing? Have pm'd you missyb!! Incase you still haven't got it!?
Loved your story Suszy. You are doing so well, I really hope this is to be the end of your IF journey.     Ending in success obviously!
I used to be in love with Paul Young. In fact have been playing his cd's this week, whilst cleaning out cupboards! I lived in the back of beyond as a child, so never got an oppurtunity to go and see him live. But there is a tour next year, called "here &now" I think, with various 80's artists, (not duran duran though missyb,   sorry. They're probabaly too cool!) Paul young, banannarama, curiosity killed the cat, rick astley!!!!! Will probably try to go I think. A life long ambition to be fullfilled! Wherever I lay my hat.........
Hope you ok Lainey & Dizzy? Taking good care, and trying as best you can to chill?  
I got a text today from the pg friend I have been so upset about. I put a post on peer support (but it was moved, so is on relationships board) if you want to check it out, think I called it "what should I reply to this text?" Something like that anyway. This place is filled with some lovely supportive people. What would I do without ff's?
Love you loads,
Cindersxxx


----------



## honeyprincess

Cor blimey!!!

2   in 1 week well done Dizzy we knew you could do it!!!
   

Hope the rest of you girlies are ok??

Im not great as i have a chest infection and finding it hard to breath and its made my asthma worse !!

Oh dear better go DP is moaning at me to spend time with him instead of being on here lol!

Love to u all
xx Laura xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

...Well done Dizzy...You clever girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Told you Fat Bird, no mouthwash, toothbrush she was already on her way home chicken..take extra special care and look after yourself....Love to you and the family...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S Nearly at EC..but dont want to tempt fate so will wait and see...xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Just wanted to let you know that I have laparoscopy booked for 22nd november!!!
Yeahhhhh!!!!!       
Never thought I would be excited about having surgery!?!?!
I had to turn down the first 3 dates, due to birthdays (dp weekend b'day celebration on 2nd &3rd nov, dp b'day night out on 8th nov, and dd bday party on 17th nov) So have had to push back date by 3 weeks, arghhhhhhhh!!!!!  
Usually I am boring and have NO plans, but trust me to make my decision to have lap at the busiest time of my year. Typical!!!  
Blimey guys, did I open a can of worms on relationships board, we are not alone in our friendship woes.
One day, I would love to meet you all. But the only way I could do that is if we all had bfp's!!!! Sometimes I just want to say thankyou, and give you a real hug!! Actually if we ever do meet, I will be blubbing I think!!! 
Lots of love 
Cindersxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Paul Young and John Taylor?
Mine was Robert Smith from The Cure although having seen pictures of him recently I'm not so sure!!!
Can you remember how exciting crushes were, just waiting for the bloke in history to turn round and look at you or even know your name!! It's like dates, as much as I love DH I do miss that whole early relationship thing, imagine having nothing else to worry about but whether he's going to phone

Good look gabby for the Ec lets hope for a 100% success rate for all of us.

Cinders the lap is nothing to worry about , but do stock up on the deflatine. They fill you full of air and it makes you collar bones hurt (it will make sense after you've had it) 

I'm feeling fine just doing lots of positive thinking. DH is worse than I am, every night he comes home from work with this look on his face expecting to come home to bad news because if something did happen he knows I wouldn't tell him while at work, which is what happenned last time.


----------



## missyb

afternoon all!! i did my usual and wrote a msg and lost it!!! robert smith hmmm dizzy.

cinders... did you get my pm im a proper fluffy bird and couldnt find your post and then read where it was!! anyway, hope my pm explains all.. how you doing today what did you do in the end 

hope you guys are all well.


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Girls
well the crushes topic has made a nice change has it not and some intesting ones now I used to love Rob Lowe  going back earlier David Soul and of course the bay city rollers - how sad are we

missby - well it was him, I explained i would have to change the playdate then asked if his surname was what I had thought and she confirmed it! I saw and spoke to him this morning and he is still a bit good looking but tried not to think that as I was sweaty when talking to him (when I walk half way get really hot since the jabs) so cant have been that attractive but eh oh I remember when he asked how i was the other day i said oh sweaty from walking not realising i knew him.  he said he recognised me straight away but was not sure if it was from college or the various pubs.  anyway had a quick chat and I mentioned the name of another bloke i was friendly with and then we went out and he said he remembered him -anyway was all over in 5 mins but was quite fun.

dizzylou - yes i can remember how exciting they were but it was a long time ago and of course there was the heartache too when they kissed someone else for the slow dance, or smiled at someone else.  Glad you are being positive and feel for poor Dh is so recent really for you both no wonder he is but am glad you are being pos and do understand what you are saying but also feel that you are going to need our support for the next few weeks/months so do come back on and let us know how you are.

Gab - so good luck for ec fingers crossed darling, take care sweetheart  thinking of you and let us know how you get on

chimer - how are you honey

lyndalou - how re you and how did it go

pand - love and hugs to you and hope you have a good weekend

emilycaitlin - hope you are ok

Cinders - great news re the lap and typical about all those days that you have stuff planned but its lovely to have a full calender although have kept mine a bit bare as not sure how going to feel sounds like you will be having a busy time though.  Feel the same about meeting you all and having a cry.  If you ever find out about that concert can you let me know as I loved the 80s music I was more of a simple minds, tears for fears, u2 but love duran duran and rick astley and basically anything that remind me for the days I looked thin  and cool on the dance floor rather than bumbling around in my huge frock like i did a couple of weekends ago at the wedding!  Will have a look at your post, obviously the whole incons friends thing is a very common problem.

honeyprincess - sorry to hear you are not too well and hope you feel better soon, hopefully you can fully recover over weekend and get waited on!

ok girls will come back on tomorrow, am out tonight at the old toddler group but only 8 going so should be nice and then out tomorrow at 40th and have lie in sat and sun ams as mum as ds til sun at 12 and then we have kids party so should be good weekend.  The friend saga i had has rumbled on but feel so much better for having got it down. also have had a nice day walking with a friend and her dog and had lunch and she has 2 kids but wants another and had a bad m/c, we met at a ball 2 novs ago and she says she tells me all her thoughts and feelings re the whole wanting another as other friends don't understand so its really nice.  I have told her about the web site (as i say not the address) so she knows if she wants to have a look she can.  also had my hair blown dried as out tomorrow for 40th and the girl doing my hair is about 23 and she knows a bit about my problems so asked me but i said was hving one last go but did not say what and she said she had been trying for three years and was going for tests now and despite being on here sometimes i still don't know what to say to someone in their early twenties and even found myself saying you have plenty of time but of course thats is not nec the right thing to say.
anyway i have gone on enough
have a good weekend and love and luck to you all as ever and do hope i have not missed anyone out and sorry if I have
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

lainey - so sorry sweetheart did not mean to miss you out, how did you get on the other day, how are you, please let us know.
look after yourself and try not to worry too much.
take care

love to you all


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Suz - you sound really upbeat, it is so good to hear  

Cinders -            so glad you have got an appointment so quick.  It will be here before you know it.  Fingers crossed for you.  How are you?

Missyb - my crush was John Taylor.  I'll fight you for him    Wouldn't it be great if we all went to the 80s thing?  

Dizzy - how are you doing?  I have started posting on the bun in the oven board.  They have a section for trimesters and in the first trimester section they have a board for pg after loss.  I have posted on there, thought you might want to join me  

Good luck to Gab with the EC    

Hi to Pand, Hissie, Chimer, Nanook, honeyprincess, lyndalou and anyone else I have missed.

I haven't been posting as often on here as I have been posting all over the place, so many boards so little time  .  Also, i am having a very difficult time and dont want to come on here and moan to you lot cos I know you would all swap with me    I am just so worried about the outcome of this.  I won't be able to "feel" pg until I see a heartbeat and a baby on that monitor.  I still look at heavily pg women and think "I want to be you".  I suppose those of you who have suffered the devastation that is m/c may be able to comprehend a little of what I am saying.  I expect Dizzy understands  

I am not really having any symptoms, a bit of light cramping but nothing else.  Feel tired, is that a good sign?

Hope you are all ok.

Love you lot

Lainey x

PS this is still my "home"


----------



## A.T.C.C

Can i sneak in ladies
Just wanted to say i had a MAJOR ..... that doesnt quite describe it well enough .... MAJOR That should do it.... crush on Shakin Stevens 
           
On my side of the bedroom i had all shaky posters ..... he did drive me 'Craaaaaazzzzyyyy' and i had the light shade with him all round it!!! 
On my sis's side of the room she had Limahl (think thats how u spell it) and Paul Young ..water in my shoes from the hole in the roof where the rain came through... that was from one of his songs wasnt it??
Id love to go to an 80's concert.. how fab. As long as it wasnt songs like ... Bermuda Triangle and 'whats a matter you hey? gotta no respect.. whatta you think you do? why you looka so sad? its a not so bad, its a nicer place ha! shutupaya face!
         

Lainey - i think the tiredness you feel in the 1st 3 months of pregnancy is something you cant describe so thats a good sign honey.

Dizzy - fab news well done xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ill sneak back out now ladies.... hope you didnt mind me passing through xxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Morning all....
those really were the days weren't they. The 80's.....Dp and I typed in specific 80's years on itunes and bopped around to all the fab stuff that came up. 
The tour I mentioned is called "HERE AND NOW" if you guys want to google it and find your local venue. Tickets are already on sale.

"...living in the love of the common people, smiles from the heart of a family man. Daddy's gonna buy you a dream to cling to. Mamma's gonna love you just as much as she can......and she can..."  

Lainey, the only symptom I had when pg with dd was tiredness. I'm sure it is a good sign.    

Suszy, you do sound great. I'm sure you must be sooo very excited, and scared at the same time!

Shakin Stevens........   ..each to their own hun!!!!

What was your favourite thing to wear?
I had plastic earrings and necklace to match each outfit, I particularly liked the electric blue ones!!! Also had fab "pixie" boots, in burgandy and grey. Trouble is, they are very similar to some of the ones in the shops this year!  

Love to each and everyone at whatever stage you are in your journey/treatment. I just can't keep up!!!!

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Oh my gosh where do I start?  So many personals so little time!

Missyb - I'm really sorry you  are so poorly hun.  Get well soon.  As for whether you would be brave, I know you would.  I think my husband would probably argue that I'm not really that brave anyway.  Most of his tops are covered in snot and tears now!

Suzy - You really started something with your talk of crushes!  How fun to meet an old one!  As for your little man and his reading book, most of the books that we send out at school are so similar, even in the different colour bands, so I would be surprised if its a big step backwards.  It's good to build up his confidence, and I regularly move my children backwards/forwards depending on how they get on.  I totally understand how you feel, but try not to worry flower.  It's probably for the best for now.  You can always read what books you want with him at home too.  What's most important is to encourage a love of books and reading so even if you are reading fun books to him, that will help.  You don't want him switching off because it's too hard or too boring.  Have you got any of the Horrid Henry or Dirty Berty books.  Boys love those!  As for your treatment, mate I can't believe your body is messing you around like this.  You are being incredibly strong as I know one week must seem like forever.  Still a long way to go, but I know you can do it, and I have a really good feeling about this.  My only fear is you won't come back on here afterwards!  I need you!!!!

Cinders - how spooky, Paul Young was my huge crush too!  Had a huge poster above my bed and was gutted when he got together with his mrs!  I'm really pleased you are going for the laporoscopy.  It was only two months after mine that I got my BFP and I'm convinced it was the op that did it for me.  The recovery is relatively quick, but as someone else advised, make sure you have loads of peppermint tea to fend off the wind!  Not sure what has gone on with your pregnant friend, but I can completely sympathise.  The girl at work who is pregnant at the same stage that I was at has done nothing but moan since I've been back at work, about how ill she is, how her pelvic disorder is kicking in, how awful work is, how awful her life is etc etc.  I sat down next to her in a staff meeting the other day and asked how she was and she just pulled this pained face.  Did she ask how I was?  Did she f*ck!!!!  Has she asked how I am knowing what I've been through.... er no.  People can be so selfish.  Keep swinging hun.  We will stick together and get through this in the long run.

Honeyprincess - sorry you are poorly it sounds horrid.  Get well soon.

Gabrielle - You seem to have got lost in all the excitement and here you are still going through your treatment!  When is the EC?  Please let us know how you get on.  We are all rooting for you.

Lainey - I completely understand your fears flower.  I've told DH if I ever do get a BFP again I'm not looking at any books, magazines or even going to allow myself to think of myself as being pregnant until that 12 week scan and even then I think I will still be petrified until I hold it in my arms.  You are perfectly normal for feeling the way you do.  It is such a terrifying prospect to think of losing something you've waited so long for and been through so much to get.  But sweetie, what you do now will make no difference to the outcome.  What's meant to be will be.  Allowing yourself to get excited will make no difference to any pain if the worst does happen.  You have been through so much, you deserve some happiness.  So my advice is enjoy it.  Be happy.  If you don't your pregnancy will run its course, you will have a little one in your arms and you will have spent possibly your last pregnance feeling unhappy and scared.  You are bound to be frightened and I'm not going to tell you to put those fears aside, but every now and then, just treat yourself to a bit of daydreaming about what will be, and let yourself get just a little bit excited.  I hope this has come across how I want it to.  Good luck with the EPU and the injections.  You can do this.

Dizzy - Same advice to you hun! xxx

Lyndalou - how did it go?

ATCC - sneak on anytime!!! You are a lifelong honourary member and are welcome here anytime. We love to hear from you and I admire you so much!

Drownedgirl - let us know how you are getting on.

Hi to everyone else - emilycaitlin, chimer, kelway and anyone else I've missed.

As for me, another week over.  Not a great week at work, lots of stress and pressure and my first AF since the m/c turned up on Tuesday.  I wanted it to come so we could start ttc again, but once it landed, I just felt really depressed.  I've spent most evenings this week in floods of tears, so that puts pay to all of you who think I'm brave!!! I'm not!!  Just feel so constantly down and stuck in a very dark tunnel with no lights.  There's a part of me that so wants to be pregnant again, but another part that really doesn't.  I can't seem to lift myself at the moment and can't see an end to all of this misery.  I'm going to see my friend this afternoon, you know the one who finally had her baby in August and as much as I want to see her, I'm dreading it, because I know I'm going to be so upset afterwards.  

Ah well.  That which doesn't kill us etc etc.

Thanks to everyone for all their support and lovely words,  it really helps me to keep going.

Amanda


----------



## missyb

afternoon all!! hope you are all having a lovely weekend.. 

im enjoying a day to myself!!

lainey.. ok you win over john taylor... i dont want my butt kicked by a pg lady!!! xx it would be fab if we could all meet at an 80's do!!

hi honey princess.. soz ur poorly hun.. like suzy said i hope youre getting waited on hand and foot (whatever that means!)

hi pand... i can so relate to how you feel. before i had the girls i had 2 m/cs it made me feel paranoid when i did get pg and i really didnt enjoy my pg with dd. im so sorry that you feel so down hun. i just want to give you a big hug and tell you that it will be ok in the end. i wish i could make it better for you.  the first af after your m/c is a milestone and it was bound to be painful for you. you know where i am if you need me. xx

hi angie!!! how are you doing honey?? shakin stevens lmao!! actually ur message reminded me that i had a few crushes and limahl was one of them.. i still go wobbly when i hear too shy!!


hi suzy!! your post made me laugh about seeing that guy.. funny that it was him. im sure you looked gorgeous when you saw him you just felt horrible because the treatment is making you all tropical!!


hey cinders.. do you still love me chicken?? lol x

anyway guys.. im going to go and watch soppy movies and pretend that im a domestic goddess!!


amanda xx


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## SUSZY

Dear Girls        
I am never going to leave you! you make me feel so normal and human and I love you all.
I come on here and I want to laugh and cry and jump up and down and curl up in bed all at the same time.
Lainey I feel this is my home too as I can let it all hang out and just be totally open and honest about everything like enjoying the fact I have been ds free since Friday night and yet missing him at the same time and he is due home soon and I am sat here in my dressing gown!! I have also been thinking about something else because its happened on two different threads where luckily for them two girls have got bfps close together so they can share their hopes and fears, joys and worries  by pm and yet they are such caring people they don't always want to post on the threads because they are concerned how we feel so that got me to thinking about us doing a straw poll as to whether we want to hear about it or perhaps they should start another thread where they can feel more relaxed about discussing stuff and that we can go on and see if we want.  Its just that we all want that bfp and if, or  I should say when, we get it we are all going to go through the same things esp if we have suffered m/c and I know I have been worried for along time that either way after each tx we are either going to be devestated or worried out of our minds that we will lose that cherised bfp and in my case as in others I never found out until the scan (and once even after my 8 week scan) so not really sure what I am trying to say other than Pand I will never leave you and whatever the outcome of my tx I do intend to post if that is ok with you lot and people can still post and talk about crushes etc so lainey dizzy please keep posting.

Lainey - i so understand re what you are going through and I for one want you to share it with us as most of us have had m/c and as i said above,  we all hope for the same result so that means we are all going to go through the same just at different times and i for one want to share that journey with you and it will help you to share with us and will help others feel normal too as it is normal esp in our circumstances.  I think its good you are posting elsewhere too and if you do find a good place then its great to recommend it so that others in same pos can go there or let us know so we can have a nose!!

Dizzy - hope you are ok sweetheart and managing to enjoy you preg despite worrying all the time, think Pands advise so good to try and enjoy it the best you can and just keep positive - all hard I know but we are all rooting for you - take care and look afteryourself and that little beanie? how many weeks are you now? of course we have longer preg than most people as we know from the first day and also it seems to much longer after all we have been through.

Missby -glad you are enjoying your day, its so nice sometimes isn't it, dh is out doing the hedges and ds is due home soon, there are lots of jobs but I am sitting on here doing a very important job!!!!

Honeyprincess - hope you are feeling better now?? come back soon 

Pand - you are one amazing girl and you put your thoughts and feelings down so well - you are strong and brave and you can still be those and have lots of tears and snot!  I just hope you soon begin to see a few candles flickering in that tunnel of yours, just imagine us all there with our lighters swaying to "candles in the wind" or  "you will never walk alone" - we are here for you.  (now not sure where that came from and if it hasn't got you crying I will be amazed but I always have tears after your posts - both happy and sad ones normally because I am so touched by the love and support!) as I said above I will always post if thats ok with everyone what ever the outcome mid nov.  I need you too!  Thanks so much for that advice too re reading really appriciate it, just think its more the fact that he just shows no interest in the books despite us trying although we to do non fiction as they are interesting,also the colours seem to have different levels as well as he was red now gone back to yellow but the difference seems vast.  I am seeing teacher re spellings on tues so may ask her (again!) thanks again.
Drowned girl is doing fine i think she is just so busy and tired!

also meant to say not sure if any of you remember Debs she came on a while back well she got a bfp a month or so ago too.

Gab - Pand is right you have been quiet during this tx but I know sometimes thats how people like to be and so good luck for EC, let us know all the details please.

Angela - you are welcome any time on this thread you know you are sweetheart- Pands right you are a lifetime member, hope you are having a good weekend and will email you soon darling.

lyndalou - how are you , how did you get on, come back and tell us and good luck as ever

Cinders - hope you are doing ok sweetheart and have been shopping for all those birthday pressies.  How brill if we all managed to get to the tour and at the same venue, how fab, anyway at least we have found a common theme but as we know there are such wildly different tastes for 80s music.  I do feel great despite having little cold and headache and af.

Chimer - how are you??  Where are you, come back soon.
Hissie and nanook - where are you girls, what have you been up to??

Just wanted to say my af has started so need phone clinic tomorrow am and have scan with angela on wed and make dec whether to hold of for a week so that I have leaway if I don't react to drugs which think I will do and ang says she is fine about.  also my mum is going away for a few weeks mid week so that she can be up here and available for begin of Nov as need her for ec and et and the 2ww as not going to want to always do the school run.
Also had a good weekend and enjoyed fri night out with the old toddler group and fate must have sent me as sat between two 40 somethings with one child each one of whom had had 3 m/c then her dh told her he did not want kids so she asked for a divorce and found someone and got preg within 6 months at age of 40! the Dr said something about the change of sperm! bit drastic I think! anyway it was good, the 40th was ok but the music was a bit loud!!!!! and as I was stone cold sober did not do my normal staggering around the dance floor and kept my high heels on instead of kicking them off so I was not the live and soul but had a bit of a dance but the music was a bit mixed and they had no neil diamond (my mums fav) and considering it was a 60th as well thought that was a bit off and did not play my Simple Minds Alive and Kicking track or my Tears 4 Fears Mad World! as have said 

Hope I have not bored you all too much as ever love and hugs and lots of this     

lots of love

Susie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## missyb

wow susie!! wot a mammoth post!!! it's lovely having a child free weekend.. i miss them and im sure i appreciate them more!! had dinner at a friends last nite and watched the rugger and then a film.. and today me and dp had a lovely lie-in and im still in my dressing gown!!!! (i am considering a bath and general hygiene issues) anyway, hope all my lovlies on here are ok


love


amanda xx


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## dizzyloo

What I wouldn't give for an afternoon in my dressing gown! Unfortuantely I have antsinpantsitis and can never sit down for five minutes.
Anyway am feeling absolutely fine and dandy. There is a bit of gusset checking but when you have boobs like ballons and nipples like cigar butts its all fairly reassuring.
have decided I don't want to post anywhere else because to be honest I feel okay and I think anxiety can be a bit infectious, but will try and be respectful of your feelings girls. Hopefully can help provide the support for a bit, but I know everyone is different.

Mad isn't it ?feel bad for you pand that AF had arrived and pleased for suzy because it all brings it a bit closer. It's funny when AF arrives you feels sad but then it feels like a new beginning again and mybe it'll be this month. That is the exhausting thing about IF is living on permanent 2ww. 2 weeks till ovulation 2weeks till Af, 2 weeks till ovulation 2 weeks till AF.

Any news Lynda-lou, good luck gabby, where you gone drowned girl and nanook and Missyb get yo lazy ass dressed!!!!!

Hope you okay lainey, stay strong and now have to go because miracle of miracles DH had cooked dinner for the first time in a year!!


----------



## Pand

Sorry about this post in advance but I am really   and  !

I spoke to my brother earlier this week, who I rarely speak to and who spends the entire phone call always talking about himself.  We don't have a close relationship anymore because I get tired of always listening to his problems and him never asking me how I am.  Over the last two years, he has never sent me a get well card when I've been in hospital and after my mc didn't phone for two weeks, then when he did spent the whole call talking about his problems, didn't ask me how I was and then said "I've got to go, I've got a gig to go to."  So this week, when it was confirmed he had an op up and coming, I phoned him cos I know he's got no-one to look after him and he lives on the south coast, I range to offer to pick him up and bring him up here to look after him for a week.  He spent 40 mins talking about himself, yet again, then finally asked how I was.  When I said "Oh not so good the last two years have been pretty awful," he said "Your life isn't that bad!"  NOT THAT BAD, NOT THAT BAD!!!!!!!  I went right off on one and told him like it was.  He didn't even seem to know I'd had two operations.  Anyway, we finished the call on a relatively calm note and he kind of apologised, but I know he just thinks its me being bad tempered.

So I spoke to my parents tonight.  My dad got to the phone first and normally he is pretty good at being supportive, but for some reason he has been really rubbish with this, and seems to think I should be snapping out of it by now.  Anyway, I decided to tell him what had gone on with my brother.  It would appear my brother had already spoken to him and my dad said "Yes he said he'd touched on a nerve."  It made me feel like I'm the one being unreasonable!!!!

I am so flipping hurt and angry that both my brother and my dad dont' seem to have any comprehension of the pain I'm in and have been for such a long time.  Do they honestly think that I enjoy feeling like this?  Do they not think that if I could find some way to stop feeling like this I wouldn't?  I am utterly heartbroken and so few people seem to understand the agony I feel every single flipping day!  I know that I've supported other people through miscarriages and I've never been this insensitive.  They've made me feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing and that I'm being a drama queen.  Am I?  Should I not be feeling like this?  Is this not normal?  Should I have got over it by now?  I don't know its the first time its happenend to me, I don't know what's normal?  

Sorry for the rant but I'm just so fed up.

Right, now that there's steam coming off the keyboard, I'd better sign off for now.  I will pop back when I've calmed down a bit.  Thanks for listening guys.

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Bl**dy men!!!!

     I'm sure they don't mean to be so c**P, they just can't help it!!

Pand, they haven't got the foggiest. Truthfully, neither have I as I haven't been through a m/c. 

But I do know that you have to give yourself time to get through this. It's not something you can rush. It's no good sweeping it under the carpet either, because it will just come back and bite you on the bum later when you least expect it!

You are not making a fuss over nothing, nor are you being a drama queen. There is no set time limit for when you should be "over it". I don't know that you ever get "over" it, perhaps just learn to live with it, and some days start to feel a little easier. Though some days I would imagine might feel like you are back at square one! Today might be one of those days?!!!
Help me out here someone? I'm rambling pathetically!!

I so want to find the right words Pand.

I think anyone who has been through IF or m/c will be fighting your corner here Pand.

But try not to be too hard on your brother & your dad. After all they are just men, bless 'em!!!!  

Seriously, I'm sure when you have had time to chill, you will know that you don't want to fall out with your family over this. But you are not being unreasonable in expecting a little understanding from them. I just haven't quite worked out how you can get that.  

Hey Dizzy, good to see you here hun! 

Missyb, loved the rugger too! Didn't we do well!! Don't understand the rules at all, but enjoyed looking at all those big men  scrummaging in the mud for 80 minutes!!!  

Suszy, wish I could touch type!!!!! Hope you have had lovely reunite with ds!!
My dd been pushing the boundaries this weekend   !! No treats in our house at the mo! Who is this  ? Give me back my little   !!!! Is this what school does to them?!!!

Got to go and iron her uniforms!!!!

Love you all loads!

Special     for Pand.

Cindersxxx

p.s Have pm you Lainey.


----------



## *Lollipop*

Evening Girlies,

How are you all,....ok...ok...Suzy and Pand...   Hint..taken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It was sooo great to hear about our 2 recent BFP girlies I am absolutely over the moon for you both. Dizzy and Lainey..

As for me well EC is tomorrow..Yes Ive been quiet for a while as i have still been feeling a bit raw after themy last failed treatment cycle. Counselling did not help either, maybe it was me at the time not sure but didnt want to repeat the process. I also work in Gynae/Maternity/Theatres & Recovery. I really found the first few weeks back to work the hardest after my BFN, was in a big black hole and it took a long time to crawl out of it, I also didnt want to moan on here as I know everyone has their own issues going on, was just trying to get on with it.

Last cycle I didnt have a good response either so I didnt want to count my chickens this time and Ive just been taking every day as it comes. Ive been doing a SP and seemed to have responded better this time.

Found a really good thread with a lot of valuable information on it from other people who have had a poor response to treatment which has really helped also. Also one of the girls there has been to Turkey and has been really impressed so that may be my Plan B....OMG Gabby be Positive for once...  

Anway chaps I better go as getting dh ready to stay at his friends tonight as we have a 5 oclock start in the morning...HOW EARLY !!!!!!!

Thanks for keeping me in mind girlies I PROMISE, i will let you know how i get on...Best of Luck to you all on your Journey..GO SUSZY GO!!!!!

P.S I have had 3 Lap's for endo, Cinders they are not too bad...just dont forget yr hot water bottle!!!!!!

Pand... 

Here is hoping Girls that one day we will all be collecting our Bounty Bags again... 

Take care and God bless.....Gab....  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

my ds has gone to friends..its so quiet here now... 

Anyway forgot to ask a quick question to our recent BFP ladies....

Do you mind me asking what medication were you using for luteal support after yr ET? Pregnyl or Cyclogest?

My reason for asking is that last time they told me to have 2 Pregnyl jabs instead of Cyclogest after ET because i had 2 eggs last time...I, on ET day and 1 ,2 days later. for luteal support..Anyway cut a long story short..i had a full bleed on my 10/11 day i didnt even spot..so im not sure about my Progesterone levels...They were 34 last cycle cd21, which i think is ok but not brilliant if you know what i mean. 
Therefore my question is, is Cyclogest better than Pregnyl after ET..what do you ladies think? My clinic say Pregnyl is better but surely not if yr going to bleed early in yr cycle...(I mean this might not even be relevant anyway as i may not even get to ET..sorry there i go again....PMA... ..)

Take care from a very confused Gab  ..........xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hello lovely Ladies
Hope your all ok and had a nice weekend 

Hi Pand Sorry your brothers is been difficult. Men just dont seem to understand what we go through. Does he have children?
My sisters are so supportive during my tx but my brothers just pretend its not happening. Dont think they feel very
comfortable talking about it but a hug every now and then would be enough. Hope your ok hon x

Test date for me Fri. Bit confused at moment. ET was earlier than normal because nurse said after scan I was having an short cycle
so [follicle size of tennis ball on day seven] so they did ET on day 15 which is early for a blast...last time it was day 21.
Always have 28day cycle so a little confused now Do you think im now due my period earlier than the normal 28 days?
At moment AF would be due 3 days after test date. But with other 2 transfers af was always due before test date

Hope I havent confused you ladies too x


----------



## lainey-lou

Woooo!  Lyndalou - I am confused    Good luck for Friday   

Gab - good to hear from you.  Good luck tomorrow, remember it only takes one     I have used Cyclogest but have no idea if it is better/worse than Pregnyl, sorry.

Pand - men, can't live with them, can't kill them    I think your Dad's comments are particularly insensitive - you can't put a time limit on grief.  And that's what it is, grief.  You saw your baby on the scan and it was a little life, a member of your family and now it has gone.  You are entitled to grieve for as long as it takes.  I still have a little cry for my "Cecily" (my second m/c) because I saw her little heartbeat and she was alive and then she died, that pain never goes away, it just subsides so that you don't feel it all the time.  I don't think this is something you can snap out of - would you say that to someone whose mother had died?  No, and people shouldn't say it to you.

As Cinders said, men find it hard to comprehend the pain of IF and m/c so they pretend it isn't happening.  Try to forgive them but don't believe what they say.  You have been incredibly brave, you have had a lot to contend with.  We love you  

Suszy - glad AF arrived.  Didn't ever think I would hear myself say that!  I am so excited for you.  It has all come around so quick, don't you think?

Glad you are feeling so positive Dizzy.  I am trying to be positive.  I have stopped posting on the first trimester board as there were so many m/cs on there I started to doubt anyone ever has a baby    Will stick with my secondary pals I think  

Love to all

Lainey x


----------



## dizzyloo

Can't help gabby, I had cyclogest when I had Icsi, but this has been a completely unmedicated cycle (bliss!) Good luck for Ec

Pand, I think its men. id on't speak to my brother for two years at a time and he seems to think there is nothing wrong with this sounds like he is being a bit self absorbed, is he a younger brother per chance?. Also don't forget they don't like talking about lady bits especially Dad's. I think there is a generational issue as well, because for our parents you just got on with it because there wasn't any choice. Let alone talked about it with anyone. My dad has said he  doesn't want to know anything about my treatment  because it's against nature apparently! and i can see my mum squirm at the  mere mention of periods. No-one knows what you are going through least of all someone with with a y chromosome, its  got a lot to answer for.

Lynda-lou as far as I know it's 14 days after ET, can't your clinic help? Have to say I test willy nilly regardless of when they tell me!

Nice to see you back Lainey who needs anyone else other than the "secondary sisterhood"


----------



## A.T.C.C

me again... just a quick one..
I just wanted to add that most men are crap when it comes to anything that takes much thought  
My dad was a star!!! when i told him about me donating last yr i expected him to either not agree with it or not understand it but he totally understood and told me he was really proud of me.
Unfortunatley he's not here to go through it with  me this time but i know he'll still be proud of what im doing and he would be the 1st one to pat me on the back.
My brother is proud of me too actually... he tells everyone what ive done and defends me if anyone says anything negative.


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls

Dearest Pand   - so sorry you are not feeling so good and that you are not getting the support from your brother or Dad that you need, its so hard as i really don't think that others understand how you feel, from what you say your brother has always thought about himself before others and perhaps before you could take it and now that you are so down you cannot.  I so relate to how you are feeling as that was how I was during my bleak period I think things you would normally take in your stride seem so much worse and your tolerance levels are down.  I also think that when you have always been so supportive you do expect to get a little back in return and when you don't get it you feel very disappointed.  I do tend to agree with the other girls about men being unsupportive and unsympathetic except for occasionally our partners. I know that my step father said once oh just get on with it without realising the impact of what he was saying and also think my dad finds it difficult when I talk about periods and linings etc and if you think about it perhaps it is all a bit too much info for them although you would expect them to just be supportive.  Have you thought about sending them that empty arms thing or perhaps just take the words from it and say to them  (or get dh too) what you would really like is love , support, a shoulder to cry on and a little understanding and some tlc.
Pand I think how you are feeling is perfectly normal and you are entitled to feel like it and it pisses me off no end when people want you to put on a brave face probably to make themselves feel better.  I think the girls all think and feel the same and that is you have to go with those dark feelings for as long as you need to and then hopefully it will seem brighter and brighter, we have all felt down and now some of us are feeling better and we are here for you. Obviously we all want you to feel better soon but know that these things cannot be rushed. some people are not good at being sympathetic or emphatic and others are - we on this thread are the latter and perhaps at the mo your dad and brother are not but that is more from an ignorance point of view. Sometimes I cannot believe how Ok i feel compared to how bad I was but it does not mean if this tx fails (and the FET) that I won't go there again or if I get a bfp and then m/c that I won't be where you are now as its perfectly normal.  I just wish we could do or say something to make you feel better but I remember all I kept doing was posting and wallowing and falling out with people on the outside world and your true friends will be there for you as we are and I am sure your family will come around.  My mum used to frustrate me so much by going on about going to see some woman about NLP or some other thing with pressure points and tapping in a bid to make me feel better because she was so worried.  I think perhaps if you could try and do some things to treat yourself like 1) go shopping for clothes for some retail therapy  I know you don't always feel in the mood but perhaps a nice pair of boots/skirt something to make you feel better about yourself 2) a beauty tx say a facial/massage/manicure/hair do    3) go and meet a nice friend for lunch  4) meet up with someone from FF a local group or I can meet you sometime  counselling - just be kind and gentle with yourself and remember we are all here for you.

Dizzylou -  glad you are going to keep posting here, its so nice to hear how you are doing.  you summed up the whole if journey so well about that blooming 2ww etc etc, glad you are feeling postive and that you are staying with us!  It was a nice weekend and I rested quite a lot and sorted a few things and started my diary on the 2ww section so it was good, dh got a lot done too so he was pleased and there was a kids party too so really enjoyed it.  i don't really suffer from ants in the pants but i do like to do something while I watch tv say my paperwork etc

missby -   sounds like you had a great day too, and its so nice that we can say about it on this thread and just chill!

Lainey -  good to see you back too - its so nice to hear from you, and glad you are sticking with us.  I know what you mean about Af weird really but I do remember now others doing ivf wanting their afs to arrive and of course i don't want to see her again now for a long long time!  Sounds a bit sad on that other board and glad you are staying positive.

Cinders -  i hope that dd is behaving better and your words to pand were just right.  Hope you are feeling better too   

Lyndalou     good luck for friday, it seems to have gone so quickly -sorry I am confused and hopefully af will be no where to be seen.

Gab - good luck for tomorrow      - what an early start will be thinking of you  and thanks for posting with more news, it seems to have gone quickly for you but probably not for you , you have had quite  time of it so don't blame you for not sharing before.  Bit confused too but I know for IUI I had the pessaries and will again this time although did read on another thread that someone was having the same thing in oil injections and have asked for more info about that. different clinics seem to do different things. it is so confusing! good luck sweetheart.

chimer - hope you are ok?? 

honeyprincess- how are you?? 

nanook/hissie  - where are you?? 

emily caitline- hope you are ok 

anyone heard from sarylou recently??

Ang -  of course your dad would be proud of you and its a shame I will never get to meet him.
Its lovely of your brother to be so supportive and think you are lucky in that respect.  I think my brother would approve too and we have often joked there are lots of little hims running about because think he was a bit of a one for the ladies in the last few years but of course we will never know.  It would have been so wonderful had there been frozen sperm etc

think drowned girl got her hands full at mo but am sure she will say hi sometime.

hopefully i have not forgotten anyone and sorry if I have - need to get off now as dh want pc.

i have started my diary on the 2ww thread and go for scan wed at 10am with ang (sorry if repeating myself)
take care  my lovelies   
susie


----------



## Pand

Thank you all so much, especially, cinders, suzy, gabrielle, lainey and dizzy for your lovely supportive words.  Sometimes I think I'm going a little bit loopy and that I am so deep in my hole I have lost all perspective and that perhaps I shouldn't be feeling like I do.  Then I come on here, knowing that if you guys will understand and I don't feel quite so mad!  

As always, you are all right.  Most men are completely hopeless and Idon't really know why I expect my family to be any different.  I'm lucky tho.  My dh is absolutely fantastic and has been so supportive and understanding.  I really don't know where I would be without him.

Suzy, your advice is so spooky.  As it happens, I went shopping and had lunch with my best mate on Sunday and that helped, and on Sunday evening I ordered a pair of boots I've been after for ages from my NEXT directory!!!!  We were most definitely destined to meet on here!!!!

Lydalou, Gab and Suzy I am so hoping everything works out for you guys.  The more positive news on here the better!

Lainey and Dizzy, am thinking of you both and have everything crossed.

Angie - if anyone dared to say ANYTHING negative to you about the wonderful and selfless thing you are doing/have done I will personally have to track them down and beat them soundly!! It astounds me that anyone could possibly find anything to criticise!!!!  You are wonderful and I have no doubt your dad knows what you are doing and is bursting with pride.  I know I would be.

Speak again soon everyone.

LOL

Amanda


----------



## A.T.C.C

Amanda - thankyou for your comments they are lovely.
I have come across lots of negative comments when ive mentioned what im doing. 
When i did it last yr it was worse cos i told more people. So many people have so little empathy and compassion and i found that out by peoples lack of understanding towards 'why' im doing this. Some people ask 'why?' in a genuine curiosity kind of way but some people are like WHY? (gosh isnt it hard to explain speech thru typing?) The 1st thing lots of people ask is 'are you getting paid for it?' then when i say no its 'why do you do it then' then after ive explained people either say 'thats a really lovely thing to do' or they say totally negative things like 'god, i wouldnt do that if i wasnt getting paid' thats the point when i realise what theyre like and i SWITCH OFF and dont waste my breath.
Lots of people have said 'i didnt know you could do that' and thats why id love to be able to spread the work and even highlight what i do and show people my journey and how little im affected by it and it really isnt a HUGE thing. It is huge as in someone is pinning their hopes on it but its not huge as in such a massive thing that its affecting my life, health etc!!!
Do you get what im saying or am i talking rubbish? 
I hope you all understand!
Im seeing Suszy tomorrow, weve both got scans in the morning and it will be our 4th meeting   its exciting. We are a lot alike and can both chat chat chat!!! Weve got our scans early so we're gonna go for some food after.
If Suszy doesnt want to remain anonymous we could have a pic done together and put it on our profiles.
Anyway i am starting to babble now so id better get off cos ive got jewellery to make.
Take care ladies and thanks again for having me on here   xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies hows it going Just a quick note to say im thinking of you susie and angie!! let us know how you got on.

cinders!! hi hun thanks for the txts.. the pee stick police would be proud and the house is tidier for it!! lol.

pand.. how you doing hun

lainey & dizzy.. thinking about you both. xx

hi to everyone else. thinking of you!!

amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Well guys....finally got to ET...    one lovely embie making its home...test date is Halloween so will keep you all posted...Hope everyone is well and thank you for all yr good luck wishes...Love and luck to everyone and take extra special care xxxxGab


----------



## missyb

yay gab!!!!       keep us posted hun..


amanda xx


----------



## A.T.C.C

HI ladies
We had our scans today and things are right on track. My lining is 3.7mm and Suszy's is 3mm so thats all good. We are definatley delaying for a week so i will be starting my stimms next wed and Suszy will start her oestrogen tablets tomorrow.
We had a lovely couple of hrs together today. We went to a lovely little shop that was right up our street with crystals, angels, jewellery etc.. it was fab!!! we also both picked angel cards and mine said the word 'blank' on it and i thought 'flipping great thats not very positive but when we looked it up in the book it was a fab card to pick... very positive and basically saying i can do anything i want.
Suszy picked 'abundance' another good one!!! hopefully it means she'll have an abundance of eggs from me.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi All

Angie - great news, I am so glad it seems to be going to plan.  We are all so excited on here about this.  I totally agree with what Pand said, about you doing a wonderful thing and us all admiring you.  We all think you are fabulous and love it that you post on here.  I am really glad you and Susie had a lovely day today, it will make the memories all the more special for her when she has her baby and looks back at this time.

Gab - so glad that embie is safely on board.  I had SP SE IVF and I am now pg so I am very hopeful for you.  Sending you     and    , good luck.

Cinders - where are you?  

Hi to Missyb, Susie, Chimer, Nanook, Hissie, Lyndalou, honeyprincess - lots of love to you x

Dizzy - how are you?  Are you having an early scan?  I can't remember.  Mine is only one week away now  

I am feeling good.  I have started to have the following pregnancy symptoms - backache, AF type cramps, dizziness when standing up quickly, big soreish boobs, round football like tummy, tiredness in the afternoons,  nausea/dizziness when hungry, general snappiness and PMT type aggression, constipation (TMI).  So....... I am feeling a bit more positive, bring on the symptoms, I find them reassuring.  I know it can still all go wrong but while i have symptoms I feel it will be ok.  When I had my m/cs I either didn't have any symptoms or they disappeared.

Hope everyone is ok

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

evening all!!! 

hi angie!! so glad all going good and to plan... dp asks for regular updates for all on here so i will have to tell him about whats going on with you guys. we all have sooooo much admiration for you both.. (and i still love you even thow you did like shakin stevens lol)

hi lainey!! 1 week to go till your 1st scan!!! omg hun.. im sorry but glad that you have all of those yukky symptoms as it is a good sign. i know you'll worry babes.

hi cinders!!! how you doing chick?? house is semi tidy now you'll be glad to know!!!

anyway, im off to do a bit of chilling out as im on a long day 2morrow.


love you all.


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls
hope you are all doing ok!
thanks to ang for updating you - I was supposed to go out for a meeting tonight well two but didn't so its nice to have time to catch up on here. As you can see its good news for Ang and myself other than she has to d/r for another week but at least it will give us a weeks leaway.  We have scan dates too which is good mine is on 26th Oct and am taking dh and ds with me as its half term and meet up with Ang and kids if she is free  and then hers is 2nd Nov, and then EC we now think will be 7th Nov (for some reason I thought it was going to be the Monday) and ET could be 9th Nov so its all falling into place.  I am feeling very bright and postive and three weeks today its all going to happen.  We had a lovely time today in the cafe and then that lovely shop and it ws just so relaxed - we were saying pand that you were not that far away so hopefully one time we can meet up with you.
Ang i like your idea of the photo perhaps we can do that next time, i did have a photo of me and ds on here for a long time and then changed it but am happy to put it up.  anything to help the cause and of course we can always do a mag/newspaper article when we are ready!!!!!!Its really nice having scans at bham with you.

pand- glad you are feeling a bit better , you know you can rely on us for having gone through something similar and keeping you feeling normal, i think retail therpy always helps and sometimes you just have to get out there and treat yourself in order to remember how good life can be instead of feeling down all the time. i am having a good phase at the mo and long may it continue and you so helped me when i was feeling down and as we all say we are here for each other.  hope you continue to improve sweetheart.

missby- how sweet that dp wants to know what we are up too so good of him to take an interest, also hope you have a good chill in prep for your long day tomorrow.  whats all this to do with pee sticks and tidying your house.  how are you doing??

Lainey - so glad about all the symtoms but hope not too uncomfortable and how exciting that your first scan is around the corner! bet you are so excited and so glad you are feeling good

lyndalou - hope you are doing ok

cinders - hope you are doing ok sweetie

dizzylou  hope you are doing good too honey, thinking of you

Gab- well done sweetie on ET and lots of luck to the one embie - i am sure this is going to be the one for you and like Lainey says its what she did, anyway you must take it easy now sweetheart and we are with you every step of the way, are you going to do a diary??please do post and let us know how you are doing every day.

hi to everyone else and hope you come back soon
all my parents have gone off to america one set for bus and my dad and step mum to see her son and brand new grandaughter so bet they are all excited, hopefully in about 10 months it will be my turn!!
start the progynova tomorrow.
feeling bit tired so will sign off now and will be back soon
have many of you plans for half term or are you taking one day at a time
lots of love and luck
susie


----------



## cinders35

Hey you guys,
Just popping in, have you noticed it tells you who is viewing the subject at the top left of the page! Haven't noticed that before? Is it new?
Should be cleaning and organising my wardrobes etc. Need a good clearout. Have done kitchen, dining room, lounge, and dd bedroom, onto our bedroom today, then office, we have still got photos to put in albums from 10 years ago!!! How bad is that?!   Have to have office sorted before my writing course starts on 27th, need clear decks....
Y'know, was working full time before had dd, could have done photo's on maternity leave, but just haven't had the time since she has been born!!!   My excuse anyway!!!
OOPS!! Have posted this already, didn't mean to press that button!! Have gone back on to "modify" it now!!
Suszy and Ang, you make your whole experience sound like such a positive one, I hope you are both keeping diaries? (Even if private ones) You could be an advert for egg donation!!! It's a privilege to be able to "see" you go through this. Hat's off....   

Missyb, hope the ld goes ok, and you have managed to stay away from the pee sticks. WAIT at LEAST until af due!!!!!!   . She is so naughty  ladies. Keep your eye on her!!!

Lainey, loving the symptoms    Very comforting. You are doing so well, hang on in there! I haven't deserted you, just a bit busy!

Hi Lyndalou, notice you are on line too, we are named and shamed at top of board as I mentioned! How are you doing?

Dizzy, hope  you are doing ok? Symptoms?

Hey Gab, lovely news. Fingers crossed, and everything physically possible!!

Where are our newby friends? Chimer? You still there hun?

Emilycaitlin, hope you are ok?

Love to all 

Cindersxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Cinders OMG it didnt do that before usually just said [one member and 2 visitors ] I go in out of loads of threads just to have
a nose  im caught now

Hi Suszy and Ang Great your scans went well, wont be long now x

Lainey and dizzy how are are pregnant ladies doing?

Missyb hope your ok when do you test?

hi Gab glad ET went well   

Much love and  to everyone else 

Test day tomo for me. Really dont think it has worked. Exact same cramping as last two BFN so not very hopefull.


----------



## lainey-lou

good luck for tomorrow Lyndalou - you never know, I had cramping and thought AF was on her way.  Fingers crossed.

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Ladies,

Just to say thanks for all yr good luck wishes..i really appreciate the support....Wow Suzy and Angie..cant believe it is the scanning stage already..Angie just wanted to say you are a really special person just like our Suzy..i really wish you all the luck in the world...  

Missyb -   Naughty...Good luck chicken.....  

Hi Lainey - Thank you for your words of encouragement..Im going along this cycle with what will be, will be, as its been even more draining the second time around as every step has felt like a mountain to climb because I am a Poor Responder . Im not spending every waking moment on the couch..well not quite..Ive gone with Gestone   OUCH lovely injections..so will wait and see.
Im glad you are doing well and getting lots PG symptoms all the best sweetie and take care..xxx 

Dizzy - Hello sweetie, well are you eating pineapple and curry pizzas yet...(EEWWWW!) Hope you are also doing well sweetie and take extra special care too ok...xxxxxxxxx 


Lyndalou -     ..fat lady has already slung her hook anyway..xxxxxxx 

Cinders - Thanks for the good luck wishes too..hope you are well dont work too hard and take care ok...x 

Hello to everyone else i have missed...sorry ive decided not to keep a diary, but i will keep you all informed what Im up too.

Take care my good friends....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls hope you are all doing ok
just a quickie from me tonight
have had a bad head all day due to d/r
and feel tired
have had a nice day though with coffee with two mums this am, treated myself to expensive pair of boots in next, went swimming/sauna/stea/jacuzzi and then met a fellow FF for a quick coffee.
looking forward to last day of term tomorrow although a bit miffed with teacher as she not asked me yet to go on school trip on 30th.
feeling better can make a couple of plans but then when I look at dates keep wondering if i should plan too much
also my dad not back from USA til a week sat so cannot see him after all.
also want to ask the preg ladies a question, do you test 14 days after ET and when do they work you are preg out from, its usually the first day of last period but not sure if this the same if its ivf and or DE ivf as trying to work out testing date and anything other dates if good news know i am being optimistic and probably should not be thinking that far ahead but I cannot help it.!

just a few personals and love to the rest of you, please come back soon
lyndalou - good luck for tomorrow - will be thinking of you 
missby - hope you are doing good 
lainey - hope you are doing ok sweetheart 
dizzylou -hope you are ok you have gone a bit quiet 
cinders - good to hear from you it only seems to say one member at the top of mine so not sure where you are getting that info from but must be interesting!  you really sound like you have been busy too with all that clearing and sorting, you must be feeling really good about it all.  the writing course sounds good too.
gabrial - just keep us posted on here and we are thinking of you and wishing you very success, thanks for your lovely words and support it really helps 

love and luck as ever
susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Well done gabby!!! Fingers crossed for you lets hope this lucky run continues on our thread!
Lynda-lou- Thinking of you, don't know how you've waited to test so long. Let us know

Suzy, Reason to hate IVF number 372- You are supposed to test 14 days after ET and when you test and get a positive you are 4 weeks pg on that day not on the day AF was due. So my AF was due on the wednesday but my test date wasn't until the saturday. This means you are pg even longer than normal and have to wait even longer to see our little miracles! Having said that it does mean if AF doesn't turn up you have a good idea whether you are pg  or not although that will be different if you are having progesterone.

Nothing to report from me. Still knickercheking first scan on 31st. I don't tend to have any trouble being pg it's just getting pg thats a problem. Brought down to earth last week. In Armani with DH looking for new suit when I hear "Mummy I nedd a poo, oh no I've done it in my knickers" Cue brown trickle down leg and sprint through HOuse Of Fraser with poo encrusted DD. The look from the obviously gay shop assistant was priceless!


----------



## cinders35

It's stopped naming and shaming at the top of the page, and just says 1 member, no guests again... perhaps powers that be   were experimenting?

Love the poo story Dizzy, you must be feeling so great! I think it is such a special time when you know you are pg, but nobody else knows, a special little secret...oh I can't wait!!!!!!

You ok Lainey hun?  

Lyndalou                                           

Missyb, how was l/d? D-daytoday? What's the verdict hun?       

Suszy, you should be getting some early nights!!!!! GET TO BED EARLIER MISSUSS!!!!

Gab, lot's of     and rest.

Love to all 
Cindersxxx aka Anthea Turner. My clothes are hung and folded according to season, occasion and colour!!!!!


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies  Af arrived in middle of night. Just gutted, feel so miserable, cant stop crying. Left Dh sleeping. Didnt want to
              wake him because he was so certain this one had worked. Kissed my tummy before we went to sleep to say
              goodnight to our little embi. We are both just totally devastated 3 BFN in 4 months is just to much to bear.
              So want him to be a daddy. Feel like im failing him. Maybe if he was with someone younger he would have a baby
              by now. thanks for all your support ladies much love x


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh Lyndalou, I am so sorry.  

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to have had 3 negatives in such a short time.  I am sorry you feel so low.

Your husband could potentially have hoards of kids with another woman but, as my husband always says to me, he doesn't want anyone elses' children - he wants mine.  I am sure your husband will tell you the same; a baby is about the creation of life out of love and it just wouldn't be the same with anyone else  

I hope you feel better soon.

Lots of love

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

OK all, I am sorry about this  

I am having a bad day    I have been holding it together pretty well but today I feel really weepy and negative,  I don't know why.  My scan will only be a couple of days away after the weekend and now I don't want it to come.  All the time I don't have the scan everything is ok isn't it?

Am I imagining my symptoms?  I feel like I am going mad.  I just keep thinking my track record is not good - 3 pg, 1 child, the odds seem stacked against me    I have always felt that if someone could tell me why I had my m/cs it might help but I don't have any confidence in my body actually holding on to a pg.

Sorry to moan to you lot.  Don't want to sound ungrateful but I think the stress is finally getting to me    This has been about the most stressful couple of weeks of my life.  I feel like I am so close that I can almost touch my target and yet in reality I am still so far away.  This is torture.  Am I being selfish saying that?

Hope you are all okay.

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Lainey, sorry you feel like that honey..no you are not being selfish just human..its horrible not knowing..
being weepy is the hormones too though isnt it so try not to worry...
Hope all goes well with scan, im sure youll be fine... 

Lyndalou - sorry honey   ,I also  agree with Lainey too,my dh says the same....take care ok..x

Suszy & Angie - Good luck and God bless ...xxxxxxxxxx

Cinders - Thanks honey for the postive vibes, yr lap will be here before you know it..  , then you never know eh  ....xx 

Hello to anyone else Ive missed, hope you are all well.

Thinking of you all....no change for me Im having Progesterone jabs so i guess i wont know anything until test day..  Gab xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!!

lyndalou im sooooo sorry that things havent worked for you this month. like gab my dp says the same thing. although by the looks of it we both have factors in not concieving i feel that if he was with someone who had no children of their own he'd get more help but he tells me that he loves me and wants to have a baby with me. anyway, thinking of you.

hi gab!! how are the jabs going?? sending some       to you. when is test date let us know how you are doing hun.


lainey honey!!  im so sorry you are feeling pants.. you are bound to have negative days. i know that in my head all i can think about is getting my bfp... but the reality is that that is only the start of things as then i know i will be almost neurotic to try and hold onto it. your symptoms sound so very promising hun, i know you wont relax untill you've seen the scan and know that all ok. just remember what pand said about letting yourself enjoy your pregnancy. the fear is ok.. but dont let it over power you.


hi cinders!! ld was MANIC one of my HCA's got a slap in the moosh by a 94 year old mike tyson wannabe granny!!! i was also on an early today and im sooo pooped that my brain has turned to jelly!! the verdict was that af arrived in her full crimson glory this afternoon!!! how are you hun good luck with the writing course hun it sounds fab xx

oh dizzy!!! ur story made me laugh!! my eldest dd when she was abt 3 did a major wee (no nappy safety net) in lloyds bank just as we got to the teller... it was power shower wee with steam!!! so im feeling your story!!! (dp had a chuckle too)

hi susie!!! how are you feeling today sweetie?? im sooo excited for you.. less than 3 weeks hun!!!! are you going to keep a diary?? the peestick thing was that i txt cinders as i was desperate to buy a hpt and i just needed to listen to the voice of reason... so cinders gave me some sound advice.. though as much as i hate housework i felt better 4 it!!


anyway, as i said earlier im out of the running this mth as the b i t c h    showed up but i have my appt in 4 days time so im consoling myself with that. 

hope you all have a fab weekend.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Helo all,
So, very,very sorry for your bfn Lyndalou. I have had 2 bfn's (IVF) in 5 months, and that was bad enough. I felt at an all time emotional low after 2nd bfn, so I can only imagine the anguish you and your dh are going through. I can just imagine how awful it was to start bleeding last night, how cruel this is. You show such strength in allowing your dp his sleep through, think I would have woken my dp with my wailing!!!    
Give yourselves some time, keep loving each other and then think about plan D.  

Missyb,   that damn   At least you didn't waist good money on pee sticks!!!  

Lainey hun, not long now until scan, and I think it will put your mind at rest.   We understand your worries, but keep up your mantra you hear? " I am pregnant, I'm going to stay pregnant...." (not forever obviously!! About 40 weeks should do it!) 

Hey Gab, keep us posted!  

Hi Suszy, hope you are in bed. No more late night posts!!! Get some rest! You're going to need it!

Hi Pand, how was your week? Those naughty boys (dad & brother) behaving?!!!

Half term guys!!!! Yeahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Have lots planned, hope dd not too tired and grumpy to enjoy!?!

My writing stuff (O.U.) has arrived, have been reading. Am getting quite   !!!!

Love to you all,
My fertility friends, one day at a time...
Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Lynda- lou I'm so sorry for you and we all truly feel your pain. So much treatment in such a short time is bound to takes it's toll, you must be exhausted physically and emotionally. It sounds like you really need a break I know the urgency to keep going but no-one can stay on the rollercoaster forever. Even if its just for a month or twoo, time to let yourself heal. Have a holiday have a massage a facial anything. If you can find the money for IVF you can find the money to help you heal. Whatever you decide to do next there are women on FF who have been through it too and will support you in whatever decision you make. So keep posting and let it all out.

I have to say one of the best bits of advice I got after my mc was from my DH who suggested doing an evening class. (All the more shocking because DH not known for sound advice) I may not have had a baby but I can fit door handles, mitre corners and hang doors now!

Whats the appointment for Missy?

Hi cinders, Lainey, pand, gabby and suzy and her angel


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Lyndalou - I am so gutted for you.  You must be right at the bottom of a very dark pit at the moment with no lights at the top.  You have been so brave to go through three cycles in such a short space of time, and its all well and good for everyone to tell you you need to stay positive for it to work, but when you have been through so much its hard to feel anything less than downright negative.  You have to allow yourself time to grieve for the baby you haven't had yet.  It's going to be painful for a long time, but I agree with the other's advice.  Give yourself some healing time.  Cry as much as you need to as often as you need to.  Talk to good friends and talk to us.  Be as miserable as you need to be for a while then slowly you will pick yourself back up.  As for your other half being able to have babies with other people I completely understand how you feel.  I wonder if my dh would have been better off with someone who "works" but he wouldn't have come this far with you if he didn't love you to bits and he wants a child with you, not anyone else.  Take time to lick your wounds, rage at the world and then slowly stick the pieces back together.  We are all experts at doing it by now, and I have every faith that eventually you will be back on your feet.  I wish I could tell you how long that will take but I can't.  In the meantime we are all here for you.  Keep swinging sweetheart.xxx

Lainey - You are bound to be terrified of losing the one thing that is so precious to you after such a long wait and so many awful hurdles to clear.  You know that your two previous m/cs make no difference to this pregnancy.  It would be easier if you knew why you had had your m/cs I know, but try to take heart that most of them are caused because of a problem with the baby, not your body.  The pregnancy symptoms are very encouraging and I really hope, with the best will in the world, that you are as sick as a dog with this one!!!!  Just count the days off honey.  Every single one is a step in the right direction, and a step closer to your dream.  The BFP is only the beginning but you are already a good way along your journey.  Please let us know how your scan goes.  I'm sure it will be okay, but I know very well that's little help to you.  Keep smiling hun and try to enjoy it just a little bit.

Missby - That witch!!!!! You seem to have taken it well flower, but I'm sure that you were pretty peed off when she arrived.  Well done for putting a brave face on it.  What is your appointment for I've lost track of where you are?

Suzy - It's so lovely to hear you so positive and excited.  Keep at it mate.  What happens to other people makes no difference to your journey, so enjoy feeling happy.  You deserve it.

Hi to everyone else, including Dizzy, who I'm sure is just as scared at Lainey.  Keep your chins up!

Had a reasonable week this week.  Have managed not to blart since last Sunday, which I think is progress!!! Male family members have been very quiet this week and are probably putting my outbursts down to me being a bad tempered PMT girl the other week!  Ah well.  As you have all said, they are never going to understand!  Am back to trying again this month and managed to summon up the energy for BMS last night.  Felt pretty miserable afterwards tho.  I shouldn't be in this place.  I should have been 16 weeks yesterday just like the girl at work, who is showing nicely now.  Life is so very unfair sometimes.

Still, have a great half term planned and really looking forward to spending some time with my little man.  Have got friends coming round to watch the rugby tonight so am going to get rather tipsy!!!!!

Have a good week everyone and speak soon.

Lots of love

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Someone get me a beer out of the fridge....?

COME ON ENGLAND.............!!!!!!!!!!!

Cx


----------



## missyb

afternoon! just a quicky before dp gets home and house is transformed into pub ready for the rugger!! 

hi cinders.... beer is here will grolsh do im excited for you doing your writing course as i'd love to do it myself.. dont be scared hun you'll do really well at it. comedy would definatley be your thing!!!! xx

pand hun... god you are amazing. you give out this sound advice even though you have only just gone through your own heartache so recently. just take one day at a time babes.. you are doing fab. i know it's hard when someone is pg around the same time you were.. when i had my first mc i was pg the same time as 2 of my best friends... im ashamed to say i couldnt deal with it and didnt really have much to do with them untill after their babies were born.

hi dizzy!!! how you doing hun (i'll tell you about the appt in a tic) thinking of you hun xx

lyndalou how you doing chick  

hi susie... how you doing babes hope that the symptoms arent too horrible for youxx

my appointment is mine and dp's first fertility appt. the gp has given us hard copies of our results (in case their computer is down and we get told to come back in 6 mths!!) im very nervous about it but ive been so busy this week that i havent had too much time to think about it all. so what happens on the first appointment??   i have no idea what to expect. af is a pig this mth but i'm actually quite cheerful!!! anyway guys have a fab weekend!!

GO ENGLAND!!!!


love to all xx


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Can't feel any symptoms today.  Shouldn't stuff be going on?  

L x


----------



## lainey-lou

Sorry missy - our posts crossed  

I have taken my ticker off, am feeling so negative.

L x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Come on Lainey....... .....be positive sweetie..it wont be long now ok....


----------



## cinders35

Lainey hun,
You can do this. Your body CAN do it, and this time it WILL do it!
I can understand you searching for symptoms, and if they are there, then great, very reassuring. But if their not, then it doesn't mean it's all over, LOADS of people go through pg with NONE!!! Look at all those people who end up in a&e with abdominal pain to be told they are about to give birth!!!!!! If only eh girls?! 
No words I type on a page are going to get through to you just now, I know that really. The only thing that's going to make you feel better is that reassuring scan. I wish I could come with you & hold your hand   But I guess your dh might be a bit put out!?!  
You ARE pregnant Lainey, say it aloud, go on. Right. I hope you throw up big time in the morning.   
Have a skooch (is that a word? Or did I invent it?) around the boards to check out for pg symptoms, and lack of (with positive results missus!  ).
Now you have taken your ticker off   I can't remember when your scan is!! Is it monday? What time?

Right, Missyb, I'm ready for my grolsh! Got any crisps? Ready salted?...mmmmmmm........cheers!

Swing low... sweet chariot........

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Cinders.  Love you  

Pork Scratchings for me Missy.

You have to admire Jonny Wilkinson's tackle, don't you?

L x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls  
well dh is watching the rugger on the big screen drinking beer, ds has fallen asleep on the sofa after saying come on your whites.
i am sitting with my back to the big screen (dh treated himself to a proj and big screen last year and as he is an It bod he got it quite reasonably and it was cheaper than a big telly and I am on here to you girls.  Its not sounding good though is it and that means all those blokes will be in a bad mood.
Sometimes I feel like we are so antisocial and should have invited people around but it would have meant I would have had to tidy up all my papers.  We have had a fairly busy day I took DS and next door neighbour to a play barn and when we came back we helped dh in the garden sweeping and picking up all the bits from him doing the hedges of which there are loads off.  I have a few scratches and am feeling a bit guilty and how much I paid the 10 year old next door for his hour and half work anyone know the going rate for a 10 year old!!!! per hour but I did take him out for half a day as well!.  Am actually feeling a bit down I think , a bit insecure and like I did before, like I do all the running and organising around half term and that other people seem to come to stuff i arrange and don't always invite me to theirs if that makes sense.  not sure if its the oestrogen tablets and was really liking the optimistic burselin.  i hope it will pass.

lyndalou - i am so sorry honey    no wonder you are devestated you have been through such  a lot.  I am not sure how you are coping after having been through all of that but we are all here for you and think you need to take some time out and be kind to yourself.  As ever easier said than done I know.

Lainey - so sorry you are so worried and like we have all said I so understand and if I ever get that bfp will be like you with the worrying and its perfectly normal after having a m/c.  Hopefully the scan will put your mind at rest but then I know you will worry until the next one and this is also natural, I wonder what we can do about it.  i know one of the other girls on a thread bought a heart beat dopler thing which helped but not sue when you can start using that.  she got preg with triplets and lost two and she had a c section the other day although have not heard back from her yet so can understand how paranoid she was.  All i can say is I quite understand but as someone said and I think it was Pand please try to enjoy the preg for now as you might never have this time again.  thinking of you and worrying with you and please let us know how the scan goes.

cinders - you are amazing you know as you are always giving people words of comfort when you have been through such a lot yourself, hope you are having a good evening in your pub.  thinking of you and wish you well as ever.  The writing course does sound fun, quite fancy doing something a little different myself.  I will try and go to bed a little earlier!

missby - so sorry about af as think you were a little optimistic this month, hopefully your appt will go very well and you can discuss where you want to go next.  think they mainly tell you the options - hope you enjoy the beer.  thanks for asking the symtoms not so bad other than feel a little low.  actually feel more healthy due to not drinking although its tempting as it could be my last bit of freedom re drinking its just ang is being so good feel i should too.  actually just realsed dh not drinking - i said something about a beer last night so must have made him feel a bit guilty but for him its only a matter of three weeks. sorry af so bad  

gab - good luck honey    how are you feeling??  any symptoms 

dizzy - lovely to hear from you and have a good weekend.  thanks for the info re testing and how many weeks, its just if I am lucky enough to get a bfp they say they wont do a scan until 7 weeks and was wondering whether I would get this in before christmas as it would be so amazing if it was postive and they did,  I remember telling my folks at christmas 03 that we were preg for the third time only to lose it a few weeks later.  How I wish we could all get a bfp and not worry about it from morn til night.

pand - lovely to hear from you again, you do such amazing posts and they are so wise and comforting and considering what you have been through its quite incredible.  Glad you are feeling slightly better and that you are being kinder to yourself.
Have a lovely half term and do lots of lovely stuff.  we are down for an appt on Friday at midday don't suppose you would be free to meet up in the afternoon, we could hit a play barn/pubby place late afternoon if you fancy it??

Honeyprincess - hope you are doing ok honey 

also has anyone heard from Chimer/nanook/hissie       its been a while since we heard from them I hope that they are all doing ok
also teena has not been on for a while
also hope emily caitlin is doing ok, think we might need a new thread soon

love and luck as ever girls
take care and enjoy sunday and the rest of the week.
love you all and thanks as ever for being there for me
love
susie


----------



## missyb

evening all!!! this should be fun as im writing this a lil squiffy and hoarse from watching th rugger!!!! 

lainey babes.. it must be so hard after years of trying to finally believe that you are pg.. but hun u r... i know i'd have times when i'd think it was all just a dream.. like cinders i hope (in a nice way) that 2moz you are barfing up a lung and going omg i so know i am pg!!! or at 3 am when u get a major craving for pickled beetroot you'll realise that u are pg!!!

aww suzy!! big loves to you... some people are sooo selfish and just take take take. im sorry you feel a bit down. i want so much for good things to happen for you as i feel that you deserve it. we all do. xx

right that is about all i can manage for now... pork scratchings for lainey and what else was i supposed to get this is fun.. i should do a squiffy post more often!!!


love you all xxx


amnda amdnad amanda xxx lol xx


----------



## lainey-lou




----------



## SUSZY

Girls
just to let you know I am feeling a bit better as have just seen my hearthrob (remember our talk from a few days ago) Rob Lowe and he is absolutely georgous!!! and i am in love all over again!!!! I mean he is just so lovely but think that might just hve been his brief part perhaps I should rewind it!!
I am catching up on Brothers and sisters and is actually quite good.  
speak more tomorrow
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

We played well I thought.
Had to go ut half time on a beer & crisp run!!!! Missed the try which was dis-allowed. Again, thinking I am making up words! But we played well I feel. In my proffesional opinion!! (as a nurse!?!   ) There were some FINE thighs on that pitch!!!
Too squiff to make any sense....
but I luuuurvvvve you allllll........... 
Cindrsxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Suszy, have you watched "the west wing?" Rob Lowe plays a major part in the first series.... 
You have GREAT taste!!! Glad you feeling better!
Cx


----------



## cinders35

OMG! there are 4 of us on line!!!!! Hellooooooo!!!Cx


----------



## cinders35

Anyone there??!!!!
Oh well gonna watch x-factor result show!!!!
Cx


----------



## SUSZY

Morning girls
How is everyone feeling this morning, of course Missby and Cinders you might have slighty fuzzy heads and hope you begin to feel better after a fried breakfast and the new saintly me that even put a bottle of wine in the freezer has done it again and had an acohol free Saturday night!!! I think its because I know I am not good at having one so I don't and as I said as my lovely donor is setting me such a good example and goes out and only drinks coke how could I possibly sit and have one and not feel guilty.  I also feel so much better for it and have actually lost a couple of pounds (feel so sorry for Ang as she has put on!) not sure if its a combination of walking a bit more to school, not drinking wine, not eating so much in the evenins although I also follow with a bit of choc but do feel better in myself.
Well we had a little suprise this morning as we had a flock of sheep in our garden!! I looked out of the window and saw some sheep in the field below our house (Yes we are lucky and we do live in a wonderful place) and thought I hope dh has shut he gate (we were putting all the hedge bits on next doors bonfire) anyway the next minute he comes in saying there is a sheep in the garden and when ds and I went out there was about 30!!! It looked really good and it made us all laugh but not only have I got to pick the bits up now of hedge but also poo and go next door to do theirs.  I think unless you come to our house its hard to understand and although its beautiful it is also such a lot of work and puts added pressure on us sometimes as have not seen dh in the evenings due to doing the video and then the hedges in the day!!!!!  I think if we ever move we are going to go to a small garden!
Just having a quick go on here and then will go out and help him, ds has been watching TV for too long so really need to get him out as well, it really is times like this when you feel that another baby/child would complete out family.

cinders - might watch west wing for him then, what time is it on although i have never watched it but he was so utterly georgous that I felt almost like swooning!! and I have liked him for a long long time.

Missby - hope you have not had too much tidying up to do and that you feel better soon.

Lainey- hope you are feeling a bit more optimisitc this morning.

Love and luck to the rest of you guys, only wrote last night so will leave it at this for now.

love

susie


----------



## cinders35

Mornin, oops afternoon!!
Have had a craft morning, and have been making a card for dd's b'day next month. Am sending it into "milkshake" in the hope of having it read out on her birthday! Hope so, after all this effort!
Had to get up in the middle of the night to rehdrate myself! Naughty me!  
Shame about the rugby, ho hum....
Hope youare all ok. 
Lovely sheep story Suz!
Well done on the no alcohol front!  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!!! god im such a lightweight!!! i only had 2 (very large) drinks and was 3 sheets to the wind!! i had to get up at stupid o'clock as i was on an early this am.. this week has been a bit pants. me and dp havent had a day off together this week and nxt week doesnt look a great deal better!!!

hi cinders!!! ur posts made me lmao!!

hi suzy!! your post made me larf too.. all those sheep, i'd have been in a right panic!! glad you are feeling healthier for not having a drink and all of that exercise. i need to lose a stone as i have put that on in the last year!!


anyway guys.. long day tomorrow so im going to chill for a bit with dp. will let you know how tuesday goes.


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Lovlies

I hope you are all ok.  I enjoyed reading your posts over the weekend, made me laugh  

I have had a really miserable weekend.  Absolutely convinced myself that it is all over, I have had a distinct lack of pg symptoms and just don't "feel" pg.  I spent all of yesterday  , very down indeed.  Poor dh didn't know what to do.

I have decided today that there is nothing I can do about it, worrying won't help.  If the scan shows nothing, then I will deal with it then.  Just have to wait and see.  Not long now  

Missy - good luck for tomorrow.     I hope it goes well.  I also hope you are feeling a bit better today.  I was quite jealous of the alcohol consumption going on on here on Saturday.  Felt quite left out  

Cinders - do you fancy coming over to my house to tidy my cupboards out?  Now you have done yours you must be at a loose end  

Suszy - loving the diary, although it takes me ages to get through your mammoth posts  

Pand - how are you doing now?  Thanks for the words of support.

Gab - how are you feeling?  Are you optimistic?   

Lyndalou - I hope you are ok.  Sending you another  

Dizzy - any symptoms yet?  Are you feeling sick yet?  If I started to feel sick I would be a lot more optimistic. I am 6 weeks today and apparently the sixth week is when most people start to feel nauseous.  I hope it starts soon   before I go completely  

Love to everyone else

Lainey x


----------



## nanook

Hello!

OH MY GOD! Im so excited about you Two I am in tears - my dh messed the router up and we've only just got it working again and I cant beleive Ive come on here to see 2 BFPs - ha ha - Brilliant and has put a big fat smile on my face!  There is hope out there after all!

Dizzy - I had the Robert Smith one too, ha ha although I also liked Simon le bon and when I was very little I had my very first crush on Shakin stevens - wah yeah i remember that feeling wasnt it great!

I had my appointment at last and was told there wa nothing wrong with sperm count or hormone levels, so no reason why I cant concieve really.  I decided against the donation and IVF so we're playing the waiting game again - and I feel happier and more at peace than I have in years for some reason.  Like theres no pressure or something (although of course there so is).  Anyway my cat had baby kittens last friday so thats kept me satisfied on the baby front for now.

How is everone else??  didnt have time to read all the posts Ive missed so just hoping everyone is ok......

Ill be back on soon but love to you all you lovely people  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi Nanook............Thats really good news enjoy all the practicing..... ....xxxxxxxx

Dizzy - Have you got the pickled onions out yet then?  

Lainey - Its going to be fine....sweetie..ok.....pse try not to worry.........when is the scan... 

Hello to everyone else and good luck wherever you are in yr journey.....!!!!!!!!!!!
As for me well no not feeling optimistic now im afraid....half way through and already swollen tummy which usually means endo as well as twinges here and there.....think maybe the prog jabs are keeping everything at bay and also giving me really sore (.)(.).
..anyway girlies...enjoy half term with all your families.....it does help with ds being here we might go away for a few days just to take our mind off things........so take extra special care everyone...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxGabxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S    Suszy and Angie  - Whats happening now thenDo you know when EC will be? Ill be thinkng of you....Good luck        ....


----------



## lainey-lou

My scan is Wednesday at 9.10  

Where is everyone?  

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening my lovelies

Nanook - lovely to hear from you - we were worried about you but so glad your appt went well and that you can ttc naturally, as you can see loads has happened on here.  I bet the kittens are adorable, how many, have you named them, are you keeping any?

Lainey - I am here, think as its half term people don't have as much time to come on, well only a day and a bit to go for your scan and you will know although think sometimes even at six weeks there is not much to see and 'dont think you can see the heartbeat yet, don't know what to say darling because as i have said before i do so understand where you are coming from and would be exactly what I would be doing but think if you can you really do need to try and be positive.  Anyway sweetheart fingers crossed and as ever thinking of you sweetheart.

dizzy - where are you?? its been a few days since we have heard - do hope you are feeling ok.

lyndalou - thinking of you 

missby - hope that your day not been too long today and that you managed to chill yesterday.  Good luck for the appt and let us know how you get on.  

Cinders - the card sounds good and hope you make it on to milkshake!  I did think you two might feel a bit rough on Sun morning as that is usually me, getting up in the middle of the night for more water etc etc anyway at least you had fun.  Glad you like the diary and do know i can go on a bit at times - its just good to let it out sometimes

Gabrielle - Try and keep positive sweetheart but do remember the second week being the worse and try and keep postive as hard as it is.  Have a lovely few days away if you go, think it might do you the world of good.

Pand- hope you are doing well. Thinking of you as ever and do hope you have a good half term and if you fancy meeting up on Friday pm just let me know.

Girls he is on again old Rob Lowe and I have fallen in love all over again and even told DH when he came in before and I think he kisses someone in a mo and I mght have to close my eyes and imagine its me!!! Yes i have got it bad!!  Maybe i am here to make you laugh with my sheep and crush stories!!!  We had a huge heron in the garden this pm!

love to the rest of you, maybe hissie,chimer/emilycaitlin and honeyprincess will come back soon 

enjoying half term if not feeling a bit mixed emotions at times, feel like i have so much going on in my head and realise that within four weeks will find out if it has worked or not and then the real worry starts.  Part of me is so excited and wants to work the dates out like we do and yet part of me is so scared to think about it because don't want to be disappointed again.
i know you can all relate to that but now its getting closer it feels so strange.
its also as we get nearer to late oct/nov people start talking and planning chrimbo and we are either going to be over the moon/constantly worried or devestated and it effects all sorts of plans and as I have chosen not to tell many people and it so effects my life I am getting in a bit of a muddle if that makes sense.  i am glad not to have told many as don't want the questions and kind of like being on my own and yet part of me is feeling a bit isolated again.  I am blaming the oestrogen tablets as have been fairly ok up till now.  anyway will sign off now
take care
love
susie


----------



## chimer

Hello!!!

Firstly, I'm sorry for disappearing on you. I've been on a right downer (again). I'm dragging myself out of it though and feeling a bit better now. 

We had our initial ivf consultation, which went ok. I think the reality of that hit me and sent me down my pit again. We've decided to wait until April (remortgage) and if we're not pg by then, go down the ivf road. 

I've just had my first acu session and plan to keep that up in the meantime. I feel all fuzzy-headed and relaxed now though, which makes a change!

I've grabbed 5 mins to post this and will be back later to catch up properly and read all the posts I've missed. I hope you are all ok and THANK YOU once again for being there and making me feel sane!!

Lou  x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls

chimer - its lovely to hear from you again and sorry that you have been feeling low - its understandable but don't forget we are all here for you and it does not matter whether you are up or down we are still here.  I am sorry you are going to have to remortgage and so wish there was a fund as so many people are struggling with the money, it has not been easy for us and dh has been a bit stressed finding the extra money and I suppose i should be nicer to him ( have had  moan as he got back at 6.40 during half term week when he said he would be off but we agreed due to money and he does not get paid holiday he would go in but expected him to come home a bit earlier and then when he comes in he goes on pc to do paperwork or this video for my cousin so we are not getting much quaility time together.  sorry went of on a rant there, anyway hopefully you will get preg by ttc naturally and not have to go down the ivf route.  Although now I have done it I wish I had done it back in 05 as thought it was going to be more traumatic than this although know we still have a long way to go.  The acu sounds good.  I would love to do that again and or reflex its just the money again.
do hope that the other girls we have not heard from are ok too like Hissie
Its gone quiet on here again girls, not sure if its just me overdoing it at the mo but my other thread is quiet but it could be because you are away and having fun wth your ds/dds.
Anyway to save writing everyones names again just wanted to say Hi to you all and enjoy the rest of the half term week.
I will be on tomorrow to see how Laineys scan went on, keep thinking of you sweetheart and hope you are feeling more positive.
Take care everyone
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

Lainey - found this thread - well someone recommended it and have not checked it myself its a board about waiting for scans = it might help you and dizzylou (has anyone heard from dizzy??)
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=116943.0


----------



## cinders35

Evening ladies,
Just popped on to say

                                                  Lainey lou!!!!!
Am so tired, busy with half term, and now have to work unexpectedly tommorrow  .
But am still here, wishing you all   
LoveCindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Lainey - thinking of you and waiting for your news, you are either there now with the dildocam (think they still use that at this stage?) or still in the waiting room - either way sending you lots of    and good luck.
take care and please let us know asap

dizzylou - not heard from you for a few days do hope you are ok.

Gab - wishing you lots of luck and hope you are enjoying your break.

Pand hope you are enjoying your break too - it will do you the world of good.

Girls I seem to be over doing it on here and everyone seems to be busy.
I will be back on later to check out if we have heard from Lainey but dh is off tomorrow and we have the scan on Friday and miday so may not be back on again til Friday or Sat (will feel like my arm has been cut off!)
Anyway girls enjoy the rest of the week.
take care and lots of love and luck as ever
Susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

Well  

Went in for the scan and the radiologist said that there is a gestational sac in the right place but that I would need to come back for a scan in 10 days or so because it is too small to see if there is anything inside it.  I asked if it is the right size for my date (6 +2) and she said it is a tiny bit small - the size they would expect to see at 5 - 6 weeks  

As you can imagine, by this point I was feeling rather anxious (although pleasantly surprised that there was anything there at all) and thought it must be all over.

However, I saw the consultant, who was fabulous.  He said that he sees this all the time with IVF pgs and that they tend to start a bit small and catch up later on.  He said "6 weeks 2 days, 5 - 6 weeks, there is nothing in it.  I am not concerned"  So he put my mind at rest a bit.

He has also given me clexane, used to thin the blood and, therefore, support the pg.  More injections     And they did a blood test today and are doing one Friday to check hormone levels, so.............

I should know by Friday  

I feel like I am no better informed now than I was before i went, although I am glad about the bloods and the clexane.  I need to go away and digest what has been said to me and try and make sense of it  

Hope you are all ok.

Thanks for thinking of me and thanks for the text Cinders.  

Love you all.

Lainey x

PS Glad to see you back Chimer x


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!!! im sorry this is going to be a me me me post today. we went for our first fertility appt yesterday. we saw the dr who was lovely. he has asked dp to do a repeat sa and i have to go for a lap+dye and a hysteroscopy which could take 3 to 6 mths to come through. he said that if that is all ok then i'd get clomid and that is all we are entitled to on the nhs as i have children. we are giving up smoking and dp has been a complete nightmare. we ended up having a HUGE barney. i told him that maybe he needs to find someone without children. this upset him even more!! then we had friends over and he had a couple of drinks and when everyone went the barney continued. in the end i didnt go to bed till gone 2 am and i feel pants!!!

im so sorry for whinging as i know that you all have your own things going on too but i just needed to get it out!!!


sorry again


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi ladies,
Just a quicky, as am cooking the tea! 
Well done Lainey, I think that sounds like very good news...especially your review with the consultant. It is certainly better than you were expecting hey?
If you were an optimist and your cup was half full, you would probably start knitting!! But I guess a little caution might be in order. But definately optimistic. You still have "hope." I do believe if it's a girl I've just named your daughter!!!!   

Hey Suszy, I love to read your posts when you chat to yourself! I'll miss ya! Hurry back soon!

Missyb, spill all re appointment.

Hey Chimer, good to have you back!

Another pg friend yesterday. But loads of sensitivity exercised. Another story, but my carrots will be soggy if I go on.....

Love to all,

I WANT a baby.  

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## cinders35

Ahhh, missed your post earlier missyb,
  
There is smoke coming from the cooker.......I'll have to come back!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies  Just back from a needed few days in Ireland. Was great to spend some time with my family. Loads of teary evenings
              sitting over bottles of wine but feel better for it. Still feeling a bit numb after our BFN but gets better every day. 
              Will try and catch up with everyones news.
              Much love to all you lovely Ladies x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls

Lainey - glad the scan went as well as can be expected, I know I would be desparate for a scan as soon as I get a bfp but my clinic say they don't do them before 7 weeks (as everyone has to come back as nothing much to see before thenas there is not much to see and I am sure its nearer , it must have been excited to see the sac at least and hopefully you will see much more in 10 days.  Good luck for Friday and the injections.

Lyndalou - nice to hear from you and glad you had a good time in Ireland, I think boozy teary nights are what are needed sometimes and very therapeutic of course you are talking to a very permanetly sober Susie these days but you do need wine to help you over stuff and chocolate.  Of course you are feeling numb and you have had a tough time and hope things start to improve soon.

Cinders - hope the smoke was not too bad!  Glad your pg friend was sensitive, it makes it easier when they are more caring.
I am back again but will probably not be back til sat now.  Do I really talk to myself!! I know I do in real life.  Darling I so hope you get your baby one day you so deserve it sweetheart.  I found out my friend as got all the west wings on dvd so might be watching them next.  Quite enjoying all this chilling out and I don't even the 2ww as an excuse.

missby - Sorry you feel so pants but glad the appt went ok but sorry you have to go through more tests, I only had to do a lap and dye when we did the IUI, we got the clommid free too but did not have to have the lap thing, I hope the clommid works for you and I know you want to do what they recommend but if I have my time again I would not have done it as it really mucks your head up in fact I if I knew then what I know now I would have gone straight to ivf but of course that is with hindsight and you need dosh and clommid has worked for many. Sorry you and dp have been rowing but you know its quite natural as its so stressful, me and dh rowed a lot during our thinking time - I just don't think men can express themselves the same as us or realise that sometimes we just want a big cuddle and a bit of tlc and a bunch of flowers and for them to tell us they love us unconditionally!!  You are allowed a me post esp if its to let of steam and thats why we are here.

Love and luck to the rest of you girls
take care my loves- just because I am no writing everyones names does not mean I am not thinking about you
gab good luck on remainder of 2ww
Susie


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!!

hi suzy.. thanks for the words of wisdom yday, they really helped. i think dp feels he has to be all strong and supportive to me and so feels he cant say how he is feeling. i'm always asking him but i think he bottles it up and then it all comes out in an explosion. we have decided to just see how things go with the lap & dye and his sa results, try the clomid if we're offered it and hopefully try and save for the next step if thats whats needed. i feel a bit more positive about myself. im going to try and lose the stone that ive put on in the last year and i joined the gym, did a bodyjam class (which my body still hasnt forgiven me 4 today!!) and got an email that ive got an interview for a job i applied for. i think if i keep myself busy then i can bury my head in the sand about getting pg!!!

hi cinders!! did you need the hunky firebrigade to put out your carrots how you feeling today hun

hi lyndalou.. glad your back hun and had a much needed break. i know that with each day things will get easier and dont be too hard on yourself if you do have the odd wobble. you know we are here if you need to chat,cry,rant etc. xx

hi lainey!! how you doing hun does it feel more real now that you've had your scan?? let us know how you get on with your results fri. xx

hi chimer!! it must be hard as everything seems to be such a waiting game. i know that in the scheme of things 6 mths isnt a long time but it's an eternity when you want to be pg!! 
 for you. if it's any consolation we all know how you feel, even if our journeys are very different the feelings are the same. i so wish we had a crystal ball and knew that it was going to happen for us we'd chill out and get on with our lives... it's the not knowing and the constant disappointment that drives us crazy!!!!


anyway, im waffling arent i hi to emilycaitlin, dizzy, teena, honeyprincess and all of you that i have missed but not forgotten.


love

amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Morning ladies,
Hope you are all ok?
Half term busy, busy.....!
Just wanted to pop to let you know I am thinking of you today Lainey, hoping for the best result!     
Got to sort through bureau today, big job!!!
MIL here, staying for 10 days! 
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Cinders  

The test is done, just waiting for the results now. They are going to call this afternoon.  Feel like it will be bad news.  Don't FEEL very pg - no bloating, no sickness, no tiredness (well, maybe a bit  )

Will let you know.  Feel like an X Factor contestant on the stage with Dermot, waiting to hear if I have been voted off  


Missyb - sorry you and dh have more waiting.  It seems to be the way it goes with IF, waiting, waiting and more waiting.  Time does go relatively fast though.  I remember when I had to wait 3 months for my appointment, it seemed like an eternity away but it flew by.  Good luck.  At least you will get some free tests to put your mind at rest.

Cinders - I wish I could help you get the baby you so deserve.  It is just not fair.   When I was waiting for my scan there was a young girl waiting for a scan too, she was (how can I put it) a bit rough looking and everyone there seemed to know her.  From some things that were said I got the general impression she was on drugs and being monitored.  I wanted to scream "this is not fair, you don't deserve a baby" but I didn't cos i thought she might beat me up   

Dizzy - how are you doing?  OK I hope.

Susie - I can't believe it will be EC time soon.  It is so exciting.

Love to everyone else.

Going to go out now and try and keep myself busy until the dreaded phone call  

Lainey x


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Lainey    Just checking in to see if you got your call. Really hope its great news hon


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello

Not good news I'm afraid.  My HCG levels are not doubling.  They were 30400 on Wednesday, which she said was very high but today they are 30800.

She said for that level of hormone they would have expected to see something on the scan, which they didn't.

They want to repeat the test on Sunday but I am sure it is all over.

Sorry, can't post anymore now.

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Lainey   - I am so sorry sweetheart and really hope that it is not over for you darling - I am not sure how you or us are going to cope with it. I just cannot imagine how you are getting through these days and just want to give you a big    I wish there was something I could do or say to help make it better for you but as ever all I can say is that I and the rest of the girls are here for you.  Life is so unfair and I cannot believe that you are having to go through this esp after getting that fantastic bfp - its not right that you should be faced with this.  I am so sorry.  sending you lots of love and luck for the test on Sunday - thinking of you.

I came on here to update you and tell you about my afternoon but don't feel up to it now as feel so sad for Lainey

I will just say that my lining is 10.2 which is good and its grown a lot since last Wed when it was 4 - I just have to keep on with the inj and tablets and Ang has her scan next Fri 2nd, and then again on Mon 5th and she will take her hcg (?) inj sometimes but hopefully EC will be 7th Nov and ET 9th Nov so 2 weeks today ET will be over and four weeks today we will know the outcome.  I must admit I am not looking forward to parts of that and from next Friday esp with a wedding to go on Sunday 4th and staying over in Bham the night before EC and ET then things are going to be quite manic.  On the way down to day I closed my eyes and dh managed to go wrong and we were late for the first time so cannot risk travelling on the morning as I was shouting at him.
Now I have got started just wanted to say what  a lovely afternoon we had with Angela and her family, I met her hubbie for the first time and he is so lovely and my dh met him and the kids for the first time.  We went to his studio as he is a photographer and he took a family portrait and then a couple of Angela and myself which we might put on here. We then went to a pub and had a meal and the kids had a play and it was just so natural and lovely.  Half the time we forget why we are there and it feels like normal friends which is amazing because when you think about it its all quiet surreal.  I just feel so blessed to have met Angela and her lovely family and believe we are going to be friends forever no matter what the outcome of this.
I am looking forward to it but I am also so nervous and am not sure how I am going to cope with the 2ww and beyond esp with the things that have happened on here to some of you and esp you now Lainey.  I am so sorry.
well girls must get to bed and will come on again over the weekend.

Hello to the rest of you girls and sorry this is a me post. 
love
Susie


----------



## lyndalou

Lainey  So sad to read your post hon but hopefully next couple of days will bring you better news. I can think of nothing
          worse than to be given that wonderfull BFP and then have it all taken away  Stay strong and remember we
          are all thinking of you x


----------



## moominemma

Hello,
I was wondering if I could join you? I have been lurking for a while but have finally decided to post, you all seem so supportive of each other.
My husband and I have a daughter who is nearly 4 and have been trying for number 2 for nearly 2 years. With my daughter I literally came off the pill and was pregnant and I honestly thought it would be the same again. We have had all the usual investigations and everything appears to be fine - sperm good, I am ovulating and HSG showed normal uterus and tubes. I had a bit of a mini breakdown last week after seeing the consultant who told me to relax (!!!) and said the next line of treatment would be IUI, which we would have to go private for. We have decided to try our hardest and wait untill Feb next year before we consider that (though I'm worrying that time is running out, I'm 35 on weds!)
I do have some really great friends but nobody who understands what we are going through, my ante-natal group friend has just had her third baby and it just makes me feel such a failure.
Hope you don't mind me joining, will be great to talk to people who understand how I feel.
Thanks, 
Emma


----------



## SUSZY

Dear Emma
Firstly welcome to our wonderful thread - you will feel right at home here as we have all been there, done that and got the t-shirt and this really is a thread where you can let it all hang out and not worry about talking about your first one and upsetting anyone.  I have blown you seven bubbles to start as 7 is known to be a lucky number.  I have been on the thread coming up a year and just the other day was blown about five thousand by my first thread to get me up to such a magic number as my tx is coming up so close now to major times.
Most of the girls on here have been through the mill as you have seen from your lurking, such a horrible word really but I know sometimes one is not up to posting but is interested to see where people are up to as it were.

We did six months of clomid and then the IUI but due to my age of 43 and the cons follow up review we decided to go straight to ivf with donor eggs.  I met a wonderful donor on here and I am one of the very lucky ones - if you want to see the full story we have started a diary under 2ww diaries under ivf.  Believe me 35 is young although I know in terms of fert they say its not.
I wish you every success in your tx and believe you me and I so relate to all the groups, not sure how many of my posts you have read before but I used to have three sep groups, two antenatal, one NCT evening group that we did the lessons with and then the NCT in the day and I have literally seen hundreds of preg and had to endure endless discussions comparing one preg with another and then the breast feeding etc etc and this has spanned really for nearly five years and my threshold for it now is so low.  i have decided recently to drop one of the groups and friends who I thought i was close with having been through so much having bumps together have been so inconsiderate, again I am not sure how long you have been looking at this thread but you will know we all had some fab "crap/inconsiderate friend" stories and you know here we just offer support, advice and love and understanding.  Recently i even sent some people the '"empty arms"piece you will find near the intro board as i feel that sums up my journey so well and one of the girls had the cheek to say that it was not doing me good spending so much time wth sad people!!  that made me mad - i know we are all sad sometimes but on the whole the love and compassion i get from this site has so overwhelmed me and is such a positive from this whole IF journey and I feel so blessed to have met the girls on this thread and some of the others as well as my wonderful donor Angela. Its a little quieter at the mo on here due to half term but I am sure they will all be back soon and you will have lots more welcomes.  Obviously we are all feeling a sad for Lainey so hope that the test tomorrow shows a good result.
Take care and all the best.

HI to the rest of you girlies

take care
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Hello Emma and welcome!

We are a friendly bunch on here and we do all support eachother, it is really nice to know that there are people who REALLY understand what we are going through.  It has helped me massively.

Sorry it is a bit gloomy on here at the mo with my bad news.  It is normally a bit more upbeat.

Thanks Suszy and Lyndalou for your kind words.  I don't need the other blood test, although I will go for it, because I KNOW it is all over.  I have known for a week or so, that is why I had such a difficult w/e last week, I just kept crying.   All my symptoms disappeared overnight and I just felt normal again.  I have stopped my pessaries and injections and am now hoping nature will take it's course.

I still feel a bit numb but I am ok.  I am just so angry that I was allowed to get the BFP I never expected to get and that got my hopes up a bit, although I was still very cautious obviously.  Why did I have to go through this?  Why couldn't the test just have been negative?  This has honestly been the worst, most stressful two weeks of my life and, in a way, I am just relieved it is all over.  I have never had any faith in my eggs being up to much so even when I got my BFP I was probably the least confident out of all of us that it would go all the way.  

We have definitely decided no more IVF for us.  I can't go through this again, I am not strong enough.  We will have to think about what is next.  Maybe nothing.  I am too tired  

Susie - you mustn't base your chances of success on my fiasco.  You are using young, healthy, special   eggs.  Look at DG - she had 7 m/c and is now pg with twins using DE.  My clinic has a 70% success rate with DE, it is a whole different ball game.  We are all confident you will get your much longed for and deserved baby/babies(!) this way.  

Love to you all hope you are all doing better than me.

Lainey x


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Lainey - Oh Lainey.  My heart breaks for you hun.  I so understand how you feel and what you are going through.  You say that you've stopped the pessaries and injections... has your consultant told you to do that?  Is it definitely over?  I can't help clinging onto the hope that you are wrong and that it will be okay when you have your next blood test.  I can still remember the two weeks where I had to wait to find out if mine was ectopic and I can safely say it was the most stressful two weeks of my life so I completely understand where you are coming from.  Right at the moment I am probably the most qualified to understand exactly how you are feeling and I know that there is nothing I can say to help you feel better.  I could weep for you I really could.  I know you must be utterly broken hearted and at the bottom of a very dark pit with no lights at the top.  I am not going to give up hope on you just yet and I will be praying that the last test was just a blip and that you will get the outcome you so deserve.  I know exactly what you mean when you say its worse having the BFP only to have it snatched away, so PM me if you need to talk.  I am here for you I really am and I will do all I can to help you through this.

Suzy - I have PMd you.  Your treatment sounds like it is ticking over nicely, although I know sometimes it is nicer just to be in this optomistic phase where you can feel hopeful.  The prospect of the EC/ET then the 2ww is very daunting, but you are a strong girl, and you will get through it.  We are all rooting for you and are here whatever the outcome.  Fingers crossed chick.

Missyb - Infertility treatment is such a painfully slow process and its so wrong.  Suzy has talked about publicity and campaigning about these issues and I really think there is a need for it.  The consultants make you wait forever and while a few months to them goes by in a flash it seems like forever to us.  I'm sorry you and your dp had a row, but that sounds almost like the giving up smoking is taking its toll too!  I can remember when I gave up, I was demented!!!!!  Frying pans across the room and everything!  But it will be worth it for both of you, so stick with it, I promise it will get easier (unlike some other things we go through!).  Just keep taking each day as it comes.  Keep plodding, you will get there.

Lyndalou - Tears and wine is the only way to survive these heartaches.  Its a combination I have been surviving on for the last few weeks.  I'm sure you must be feeling so low and full of despair.  It just seems like there's no end to it sometimes.  Give yourself time to heal.  Do nice things for you and be kind to yourself.  You deserve every bit of TLC.  We are here for you.

Moominemma - Welcome to the thread!!!  Sorry it is so sad at the moment, but I'm sure you will see from our posts you are not on your own with all of this.  We can talk to each other and  be completely honest on here and know that we all understand where the others are coming from.  It sounds like you are not in a disimilar position to me.  I have a 4 year old little boy and have been trying for two years too, and wouldn't have got through any of it without my friends help on here.  I know what you mean when you talk about feeling like a failure.  You're not.  None of this is your fault.  If you cannot influence the outcome how can you fail at it?  But it does so hurt when others around you seem to be able to do what we can't without any difficulties and it does make you feel useless and jealous.  As Suzy said, we have all got the T-shirts on here.  Hopefully this forum will give you the lifeline it has been for so many of us!  Welcome.

Chimer - It's so hard to hear that IVF is the only option left to you.  It's a scary path and not one I've taken yet.  But you have a plan, and sometimes that is a help all by itself.  Good luck hun.

Not much to say about me this week except had a nice few days with my mum and dad.  Am feeling very tired this weekend and not looking forward to next weekend one little bit.  We have ttc this month and it inevitably won't work, so next weekend will be the first time I have to cope with a BFN since the m/c.  I'm not sure how I'm going to take it.  I feel quite strong at the moment but I know those wicked hormones will do my legs and turn me into a blubbery, snotty mess by Friday.  So I will keep you posted, and will be checking during the week to see how Lainey gets on.  God I hope it works out.

Lots of love to everyone else and anyone I haven't mentioned (Dizzy, you are making us nervous.  Hopefully you are feeling too happy to worry about posting, but just drop us a line to let us know all is well!).

Amanda


----------



## cinders35

Sorry I haven't been online ladies. Though I did send Lainey a mammouth text! Hope you got the last one Lainey?
It's so utterly cruel that after all the hard work to get your bfp, you may have it taken away. I have shed a tear or two for you, and Mr Cinders was very sad when I told him.
I should think you are exhausted Lainey, you will certainly need some tlc over the coming weeks & months. Probably too soon to make decisions about future now, in fact definately too soon.
I could waffle on Lainey, but really, nothing I say will make it any better, but know that am thinking about you, caring about how you are feeling, and hoping that you can find some peace somehow.

Hi Pand, I'm sorry to hear you are tired with half term nearly over! Waiting for that cruel af is just so awful. I must change my profile actually. As we have now spent 4 years ttc our second child. Each month that passes with bfn after bfn just sends me into that pit you were talking about, the dispair one! The feeling as time ticks by, of rising panic, and desperation as this bl**dy bfp just eludes me! But as we so cruelly know, that would only be the beginning!  
I wish you well for next weekend Pand, I really do. 

Suszy, you are doing so very very well, well done! Well done to Ang too. I look forward to your photo's!
You write such kind, thoughtful, empathetic, encouraging words to us all. Thankyou.

Welcome aboard Moominemma, fab name! Sorry to hear you are in the same boat as us! But I'm sure you will gain comfort from posting on here, I know I do.

My writing course started today!
It's scary!!!  

Love to all,
especially our friend Lainey, may you have massive levels tommorrow hun. Let there be a miracle for you. 
Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies...

so much has happened on here since i was last on that i dont know where to start...

firstly.. lainey.. omg hun. i wish i had the vocabulary to say what i feel but i just dont. i'm devastated for you and like pand being an optimist there is part of me that hopes you are wrong and that you get the miracle baby that you so deserve.. please keep us posted. i wont be on here for a couple of days as im doing 2 long days back to back..

welcome emma!! this thread has been a sanity saver for me! you'll find that all of us understand how you feel even though our journeys may be different. im going to be 35 in january so i have this impending feeling of doom and that my time is running out!!! even though i know that medically that is not the case but it's how i feel!!

hi cinders how you diddling good luck with the writing course xx

hi pand.. glad you had a good time with your mum and dad.. i know that you will be fine next weekend, you have amazed me with your strength of character and your kind words, you are a tough cookie even if you dont feel like it... so snotty blubbering mess or not you will get through it.. you will get your bfp hun i just know it.. xx ps thanks for the words of wisdom re smoking.. we are both a bit demented at the mo.. it hasnt quite got to the frying pan stage but it's v close!! we both have a v short fuse at the mo and im not sure giving up smoking during halfterm was such a good idea!!!

hi suzy! how are you doing?? glad things are going well and that you and dh had such a fab time with angie and her family. i find your story amazing and an inspiration. keep us posted.xx


hi lyndalou how are you doing hun??

dizzy where are you hun? like pand says i hope your just busy busy and that all is going well.

anyway, not much to report from me.. start using the opk's tomorrow, im chewing gum like a mad woman, and me and dp have been taking our vits and trying to be good.

love to you all.. and thinking of those who have been AWOL for a while xx


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hi Emma - this board is great - made me feel so much better more than once, Ive never net such a lovely bunch of people in fact!!!!

Everything fine here guys - had a lovely half term and sad that he has to go back tom, but christmas soon hey ladies so its all good!!

The kittens are gorgeous!!!  5 of them, we're keeping one called Peanut who is absolutely lovely!! unfortunately the others have to go, but I dont want more than 2 cats anyway so there we go!

Hi to every1 - just a quickie as usual but Ive been on ******** for hours and am starting to get a headache looking at the screen!!!  lol.

Take care all - will log in again soon I promise.  

Love to you all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
Hope you are all ok.
I had a text from Lainey today. She hasn't been able to get online, so she asked me to pass on her news. I hope I get it right.
Lainey had repeat hormone levels today, which are apparently high at 37000. 
They are worried that she may have an ectopic pg  . 
I think the plan is to go into hospital tonight, and scan her in the morning.
I don't understand anything about the levels, I thought high levels were good  
I don't know if there is still a chance, but I know that I can speak for us all when I say:

We haven't met you in person Lainey, but we feel as though we know you. 
You have allowed us to join you on your journey through your treatment, through the highs and lows! 
We really care about what happens to you.  
We will keep hoping and praying that the doctors are proved wrong tommorrow when you have your scan.
We are your fertility friends, and we will be here for you, come what may.

Love to all
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls
hope you have had a good weekend well as good as it could be considering what some of you are going through.
I so wish we all did not have to endure this painful journey and that we all get our long awaited BFPs and soon.
It just does not seem fair the journey some of us have had to take and I so wish each and every one of you success.
I really really mean that.  I am feeling so much better because I am so close to the next step on my journey and I know the end is near in the fact that if this and a frozen cycle does not work we will be able to move forward but the last four years have been terrible and  I remember how painful every months af was.  I want to thank you so much for all your support on my journey this last year, you have always been here for me and offered me such encouragment and cheered me up when I was down.  Thank you.
You all know despite having one the need and desire to have another is so strong.  I feel it so in my grasp now and want to take you all with me.  Hopefully you know what I am trying to say.  take care   

Angelas hubbie should be putting the picture of us on his web site studio82.org so have a look near the bottom of the portraits of dh, me and ds - he suddenly turned into a model!!!

Nanook-- Nice to hear from you and glad you had such a good half term, I agree its a shame is over and its school again but as you say christmas is on its way and I do think they enjoy school as well - its just us that miss them.  Peanut sounds lovely, a photo would b nice.  I have been invited on that ******** but just not sure if its another addiction like FF!

Gab - thnking of you sweetheart     we are here for you i
.
Emma - I hope you are ok this evening.

Chimer - Hi hope that you are doing ok too. Hope you are feeling a bit better and we are here for you, i know its a long hard journey and we are thinkng of you.

Missby- good luck with the opks!!! and I am sure that all your hard work and being good will pay off.  take care and good luck with the not smoking etc, its stressful but try and eat choc or something instead - we all need rewards.  Since doing most of this msg your last post has come in thank you so much for letting us know and your post to Lainey made me cry - its so lovely and special.  anyway we will all be thinking of lainey tonight.

Lyndanlou - Hope you are ok sweetheart

Have just tried to post this and missbys message has come up so
Lainey - love and cuddles to you    thinking of you as ever.  I am not sure really if its good news that your levels are higher which must be better than being lower but I know an etopic is bad news and I just want to wish you like everyone else the very best.  we are here for you and life is so cruel that you having to go through all this.   You are like Pand so selfless and encouraging despite what you have been through, I think that is what I love about this site more than anything that everyone is just so lovely.  you are right the eggs will be young and healthy!!!!just hope DH and I can provide the rest!!!!  Your clinic has great results with DE better than most I would say.

Dizzy - hope you are doing ok - look after yourself.

Pand - as ever lovely to hear from you and do hope that work is not too stressful next week and I so hope you manage to get through that dreaded AF, its just the worst thing waiting for it, wishing it would not come but then wanting to know and if its even an hour late its devastating.  One good thing over the last six months or so has been not really trying and knowing that it won't work because I was not sure how much more i could take of the waiting, hoping , wishing , praying, pleading etc etc only to be devestated.

cinders - how are you?? Thanks as ever for your kind words and ditto to you because you are always there for everyone and  say the nicest things and you are so supportive after all you have been through as well.  Sorry its been such a long hard road for you too and so hope that you get your bfp one day soon you so deserve it.

special thougts and prayers to lainey tonight
love as ever

susie


----------



## SUSZY

sorry got a bit confused as it was Cinders that sent the lovely message to keep us up todate so thanks for that.
what you wrote was really special and thanks for that.

I think we will all be praying for Lainey tonight and hope to hear more tomorrow.

Thinking of you 

love

susie


----------



## lyndalou

Lainey  Thinking of you today and praying it all goes well x


----------



## SUSZY

Ditto Lainey - thinking of you and wishing you all the  best.

Hi and good luck to everyone else.

lots of love
as ever
Susie


----------



## *Lollipop*

Lainey - Just wanted to say thinking of you sweetheart......    

Cinders - I just felt so   when i read yr post... it was a lovely message and really tells it like it is...Wife swap was on the telly last night with a woman and four kids...who served coffee all day and had an au pair.....HELLO!!!! is it just me!!!!!
Anyway when is the lap sweetie..you will feel better once that is over as it will feel like another step forward.xxxxx

Suszy and Angie - as always thinking of you pair and willing this to go so well for you....   

Dizzy - dont know what your up to though hope you are ok....  

Missyb -   and lots of it.... 


Lyndalou -   thinking of you sweetie...xxx

Pand - One day at a time.....   xxxx

Hello to Chimer,Nanook and anyone else ive missed hope everyone is well.....as for me no news yet but i think the Gestone is keeping things at bay.....im not testing early as i sort of know in  my heart...but     but will keep going...PMA..will keep you ladies informed....

Take extra special care my fertility friends....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Just a quickie.  Lainey, I am keeping everything crossed for you hun.  I will  be praying for a miracle cos you really deserve it.  Let us know how you get on.  I don't normally check the site during the week but I will do this week to hear your news.

Love and hugs flower.

Amanda


----------



## moominemma

Hi everyone, 

Just wanted to say thanks for all the welcome messages. I wish I had plucked up the courage to post sooner!

I realise I don't 'know' everyone yet but I am sending my best wishes, esp to lainey-lou. Hoping that everything is ok. Thanks for the bubbles Susie, I have read your journey - Angela sounds like a fabulous person, and I hope you get the result you deserve.

Thanks again,
love, 
Emma x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!! so much has been going on here that i dont know where to start!

lainey... thinking of you hun..  .. when you are up to it please let us know how you are doing.

hi cinders... how is the course going?? hope you are doing gud hun


hi gab!! how are you? dp has to do a repeat sa tomorrow so we are abstaining (TMI i know) we have a bit of a mission impossible 2moz as the hosp is at least 1/2 hr drive away.. told him he is going to have to do it in the car!!!


hi suzy!! how are you doing lovely i tried to pm you but your inbox is full!!! just re-read your post and im   like a crazy woman.. you are so so sweet and i really hope that one day i get to meet some of my ff's as you are all such inspirational people.

hi pand... thinking of you hun xx

hi emma!! how you doing

anyway, im chilling out. ive had the 2 long days from hell and i sooooo need to win the lottery so that i can be a lady wot lunches!!!!

hi to all those that i havent mentioned but havent forgotten.

amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

I am here!  I don't really know where to start.  I am emotionally and physically exhausted.  I feel like I have been put through a grinder in the last few days.

Firstly, I am ok and, apparently, still pregnant  

To cut a very long story short, the repeat blood on Sunday showed that my HCG is still climbing but had gone from 31000 on Friday to 37000 on Sunday.  They admitted me to hospital because HCG should double every 48 hours or so in a "normal pregnancy" or go down in the case of m/c.  They said I had a suspected ectopic.  As you can imagine I was beside myself.  I texted the lovely Cinders who gave me loads of support and stopped me having a complete fit  

Monday morning they scanned me and the sac is in the right place and has grown   from 11mm on Wed to 18mm yesterday.  They also thought they could see a foetal pole and a heartbeat    So they sent me home!

They said slow rising hormone levels can be a sign of something being wrong but not necessarily.  The doc said "We won't do any more blood tests, they are not helping"  Understatement of the year, they got me admitted to hospital!  She said I should go back for a scan next Monday morning to see if the bubs is still growing.  Confused?  I know I am.

I had told everyone that knew that I had had a m/c on Friday.  I had to phone them yesterday and tell them I hadn't (yet).  They must think I am a lunatic.  

No-one really knows what is going on, especially me.  I feel dazed and confused and sick!  I have felt so nauseous the last 3 or 4 days, which the doc said was a good sign.

Hi to everyone, soz no personals but I am at work and just wanted to get you up to date with what is going on.  Will do personals later.  Thanks for all your kind words, they really help.

Love

A slightly demented

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Demented is good Lainey it helps....sending you lots of           ...over the net sweetie....take care...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Angeljoy

Ladies, I hope you don't mind me being nosy but I've been worried about Lainey and how things were going for her.  

Lainey: what super news!!!!  I was so hoping that it all worked out for you and this is great.  We met on waiting for 1st scan thread and I was so devestated for you, but couldn't post as i've been in the same situation.  You have given hope to many people..... take care and eat lots of protein!!!

I know that it is all over for me really, I've just got back from London Fertility Clinic, where I went for HCG test.  My treatment ICSI was nhs funded and they don't do extra bloods.  So now just waiting for results, but no symptoms and feeling pretty negative.  Have eaten bloomin rubbish all weekend and now think that chocolate is my new best friend along with bananna on toast!!

Wish  all the best to all of you lovely ladies and hope your dreams come true.... sorry to gate crash!!

Love Angela xxx


----------



## missyb

oh god lainey it's so good to hear from you!!! im not suprised you are going demented... i mean i like a good thriller but the suspense with you is killing me!!!!! please keep us posted. take care of yourself and bubs        from me hun xx


angela... im so sorry hun i dont know what to say... i hope your wrong hun, it's not over till the fat lady sings.. and i aint singing yet!! keep us posted.. gatecrash any time... we are a fab bunch on here.

amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Missy - love as always  

Angela - thank you so much for worrying.  You must have been through the mill too.  Please send me a pm to let me know what is going on with you.  I wondered why you hadn't posted since your scan.  I hope you are ok.  Are you sure it's over?  I was so convinced on Friday that I told everyone it was all over.  My husband said he is never listening to me again, which surprised me cos I never thought he had listened to me in the past anyway    Please let me know how you are.

Lainey x


----------



## Angeljoy

Thank you so much for your lovely welcome Amanda..... you did make me laugh which was a god send this afternoon..... thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Lainey, I've pm'd you, thank you for your support and you also made me smile..... i'm not sure my Dh ever listens to me either   

Well, got hcg result back and it has risen, not doubled but risen by about  7000, so fingers crossed, just waiting now for scan on Fri to tell us where we are exactly?!!!   

Thank you all for letting me gate crash.
Love Angela


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,
Just checking up on you all. Particularly you Lainey!!! I didn't manage to update everyone yesterday from your txt, as I just haven't stopped! Literally. Have another sore throat, and feeling quite naff. Couldn't sleep last night, then when I did drop off, dd woke me. Her feet hurt! I think walking to school my be a bit of a shock for her feet!? Then MIL was up, she couldn't sleep! Then Dp was phoned by work, so I feel like I have been on nights!
Anyway, too whacked for personals! But love you loads,
Hope you are all ok,
   Lainey.
Love
Cindersxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Lainey 

will be thinking of you on Friday xxx


----------



## Pand

Just a quick one today!

Lainey - omg I am so relieved you are ok... I love you demented!!!!! You just stay that way.  A heartbeat at this stage is a really good sign as is the sickness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hurrah!!!!  I really hope that you chuck up for England this week and will be keeping a regular check on here to make sure you are ok!  

Everyone else.... hi!

Will post properly at the weekend.

LOL 

Pand


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just popping on...to say it was a BFN....  ....will catch up soon...just getting head around things..you know what its like.....take care ...xxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S Lainey take care honey...xxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!

just popped on to say im so sorry gab for your bfn   from me xx


hope you are all ok


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

So sorry Gab  

Hope you are ok.

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls

What do you all think of the Halloween bits!!! Happy Halloween!

Gab - I am so sorry about your BFN - you must be gutted sweetheart and you really have had a long hard road of it recently - sending you lots of   
thinking of you .  You are always so kind and supportive no matter what you have been through. 

Lainey - so sorry you have been through even more of a rollercoaster of a ride but so relieved that you are still pregnant - its incredible and sorry you have had such a time of it all but at least you still have that bfp !!! so hope the scan goes well on friday and needless to say try not to worry.  You actually sound much better than you have done for ages believe it or not.  anyway good luck darling 

dizzy - hope that you are doig ok??and keeping nice and chilled and relaxed.

lyndalou  

Nanook - how is ******** - keep thinking whether I should get into that but think it might be a bit too time consuming!

Chimer - hope you are doing ok?

hi emma - hope you are doing ok and at least you are posting now, sometimes it takes a while to get in the right place as it were and thanks for your nice comments and glad you enjoyed reading the diary - i re read it sometimes and almost cannot believe its happening to me!

Cinders - sorry you are not feeling very well and hope that you begin to feel better soon and that you manage to get some sleep as hopefully you will feel better after that.  Thanks for keeping us up todate re lainey and for always being there for everyone.

Hi angeljoy and good luck!

emily caitlin - hope you are doing ok 

Pand - hope you are ok and that tuesday went well.

missby - thanks for your kind comments as ever

Well girls sorry such a quick one tonight cannot seem to get into the mood as it were.
I am feeling quite tired and its been a busy few days as had a school trip yesterday which was fun, a halloween party and then meal out and had my last day at the gym today for a couple of months, feels a bit weird but have decided to put it on hold for two months while I concentrate on tx. Not sure why people say but am sure I have heard you are to avoid the pool for the 2ww and take it easy in general  then its christmas so thought i would take the pressure away of feeling I should go but it felt werid today knowing I might not ever go back or until next year!!!  It just all adds to the general feeling that my life is on the verge of changing so drastically one way or the other and  I currently  feel like I am in this limbo land and just don't know what is ahead.  I am excited and nervous, its so close and yet so far I mean a week today and its EC!! and perhaps ET on Friday, we still hve not got our heads around when we get the call to say about the quality of the embroys - I assumre we will find out so much more on Friday when Ang has her scan.
I think I am waffling so will sign off now.
As ever wishing you all lots of love and luck 
love
Susie


----------



## dizzyloo

Hello ladies, sorry I haven't been around for a while but just needed a little space.
So sorry to hear your news gabby. Thinking of you.
Lainey OMG, what an experience heres hoping for you honey.

I'm kind of on my own rollercoaster at the moment as had scan tonight and found out it's TWINS!!!!!

Bit of a shock considering we only had one put back. Guess it's buy one get free!!!
Apparently all is looking well, 2 little heartbeats and the right size.
I thought I was hungry!!

Love to you all


----------



## cinders35

OMG Dizzy!!!!! Twins!!!!!! Wow......congrats. Hope ou are ok?

Lainey, hope you are hanging on in there,  

Suszy, think most people do take it easy during 2ww. My clinic said to carry on as normal, and I'm sure it makes no difference what you do. But I felt I wanted to tlc myself!!!! I just didn't want to look back with regrets....my only regret is that I didn't get a bfp!!  

Gab, last but by no means least, I am so so very sorry for your bfn. It's such a horrible place to be, and I'm so sorry for the pain and frustration you must be feeling. Really sorry.    

Love to all.
Loving the spookyness...!
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!!

how are we today??

OMG dizzy!!!!! twins!!! puts a whole meaning to BOGOF!!! how are you both taking it that is fabulous news.. congratulations xx


hi suzy!! is it this week that ange has her scan let us know how you guys get on?? it must be a very strange time for you. take it easy and pamper yourself.. the gym will be there after you've had your bfp!!!

hi cinders!! hows it going hun

now for the me me me part of my post (apologies in advance)

i bought a clear blue opk yesterday and im still getting negative tests.. which for me, by the looks of it
means i havent O'd for 2 mths on the trot... im sooo fed up and teary. had a strop with dp because while im trying to tell him how i feel about it all.. he is reminding me to buy razors when im out today as i 4got when i did the shopping yday!!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrggggh.. i kind of told him what he should do with the razors!!! i just feel useless... i mean we are doing all we can to get in shape for ttc.. but whats the point if im not even ovulating!!

ok rant over!!


love amanda xx


----------



## lyndalou

Gabrielle  I am so Very Sorry hon. Life can be so cruel sometimes  

Lainey    Great all looking better. You have been through so much but it will be worth it in the end  

Dizzy      Twins OMG Fab  

Missyb    I always thought i ovulated around day 12-14 but last month it was on day 8. Maybe you missed it hon. Our bodies just 
              aren't our own during TX it really messes us up. x

Cinders    Hope your feeling less tired hon  

Pand      Hope your ok hon. You seem such a strong person. You have been through a lot lately but still always there for others x

Suszy    Hope ang scan goes well tomo. Cant beleive its all come up so quickly. Wont be long now. Have everything crossed for u

Hi to Chimer,  Nanook and Emily Caitlin  

Welcome Emma x

Well Ladies im starting back at work tomo. Have been off for 3 months so will be weird going back. Off to Mexico Yippee!

Have a great weekend ladies Much love x


----------



## dizzyloo

Nice to see you back Lyndalou. Where are you at with future treatment? 3 months off sounds divine
Suzy, just take it easy although I have to say I'm a bit of a believer in the powers of a good walk, it's good to get the old circulation going.
Missy, which test kits are you using? If they are the ones off the internet they can be a bit unreliable, but clearblue end up costing a fortune. You could always do the Zita West cervical secretions thing which is particularly delightful but at least it's an activity you can do with DH!!

Have to say neither of us is taking the news particularly well. I know it's wonderful and I shouldn't be so ungrateful but I have to say in all honesty I'm bricking it!! DH is just pale and quiet. It's just the practicalities of it and it is such a shock. I know you girls would love to have this to worry about so don't think I'm being insensitive, I think once I stop being so frightened I'll be okay. Trouble is being a nurse you always know the worst case scenario and you can't help but think twins=prem babies and that scares the beejesus out of me, although they are in seperate sacs which is better. Also a bit concerned about DD going from spoilt only child to big sis but I guess we'll all cope
Love to you all


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,
just popping on quickly to let you know am off for dp's 40th birthday celebration weekend tommorrow, so won't be around for the weekend.
   to all.
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Wow!  Dizzy - twins    How did that happen?  Congrats!  I am not suprised you are in shock.  Double trouble 

Cinders    come back soon x

Missyb - sorry you are not ovulating.  That may be good news though.  If they give you Clomid that may be all it takes to sort you out.  i hope so  

Suszy - checked out the pics.  They are great.  Your DS is gorgeous, so photogenic.  Good luck with the scan   

I am feeling a bit flat at the moment.  Just want to know what is going on.  I think the stress is beginning to get to me, have felt very   today.  I had been feeling quite optimistic but today I have been thinking too much and am talking myself into problems    I think I need a scan every two days to reassure me.

The pg symptoms are good though - nausea ALL DAY, tiredness, grumpiness, blocked sinuses, constipation - all good.

Hope you are all ok.

A still demented

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

forgot to use these last night but with all the other pumpkins going on did not need it, must admit although it was nice i prefer it being back to normal, now you can see why tony has not gone for adverts as you could not conc on what we were typing.

Wow dizzy lou - twins from one emby !! how absolutely fab!! and to think you did not think it was going to work!!!!  Its very scary as most people who have had a bfp lately are having twins!!!!!!!!!  I am trying to mentally prepare myself but its hard to prepare yourself for no baby, one or two and its all so lifechanging.  I think more so when you have a child already!!!! I am so over the moon for you, well done   fingers crossed.  dizzy must have missed a post as just seen your other one about your worries about twins and i must admit i am so totally there with you about those fears that you have and if it happens to us i have not a clue what we will do other than my mum might have to move in.!!!  luckily the nurse asked had we thought about it and told ds so i went home that night and explained to him it could be more than one and he kept joking about it being one or two or three or four and don't think he quite realised the consequences but hopefully lots of people will come out of the woodwork to help with them and your dd will be a great help and love them and treat them like dolls.  of course its going to be a shock but you have to think would you rather none and in this case its lovely as you had you m/c so recently and it makes up for it.  i know i am worried about the prem side and the risks but as you are a nurse at least you might be better prepared than most. good luck honey, i was talking to someone in the chat room tonight (it was our first anniversary of my nov thread) and only one person turned up so we got talking to some others and this lovely lady brownowl came on and she had been trying for 20 years !!! and had had all sorts of tx etc and finally did DE in S africa which worked the second time as the first ended in m/c and she has got twins and apparently there is a twins thread (probably under multiple births so have a look)  

laineylou - sorry you are feeling a bit flat but its quite understanable after all you hve been through and do hope you feel better tomorrow and that the scan goes well, we will be waiting anxiously for your results - good luck honey and we will be thinking of you as ever and wishing you all the best. take care

cinders - hope you enjoy your dhs 40th celebrations you so deserve to have a good time and just forget about it all for a while.  hopefully your time will come soon, you have been through so much darling and you are always there to support everyone else you are so kind.  we will miss yo but have a good time.  have a wonderful weekend and enjoy yourself.

missby - sorry you are having such a hard time re the opks but do keep on with your other steps to improve health as it will be worth it in the end, i never did get the hang of the ovul kits and to be honest in some ways if you know you are not ovulating at least you can address the problem,(like lainey says it could be veild good news as they know how to tackle it) when i used them it said i was ovulating was doing the deed and nothing happening (bit like the clomid) which is equally as frustrating ,  I know I should remember sweetheart but have you had the blood tests on certain days of your cycle to check that you are ovulating .  Try and keep calm and as you can. good luck - the mucas thing sound like fun - now i know this is tmi but because i am held at this place in my cycle where my lining is 10.7 and probably growing the old mucas is working over time if you know what I mean!!!  just to tone it back down i was thinking of doing some nice long walks.

lyndalou - lovely to hear from you and hope you going back to work wont be too hard.  enjoy mexico

pand - hope you are doing ok sweetie, i am off to bham again tomorrow, might have to be back for school run but let me know if you are free to meet up in afternoon would be great to see you and of course will be down a bit next week!!

gab         thinking of you

hi to Chimer, nanook, emma, emilty caitlin   
love and luck to you all as ever and hope i have not missed anyone out (love as ever to angela)

cannot believe Ang is having her scan tomorrow and that EC and ET are going to be next week, it has come around so quick and yet has not if tht makes sense, cannot believe we are so close yet so far.
when i read angs posts on the cycle thread it feels so weird that is writing about our tx and talk about scans and follies and ec and et and its connected with me is bizarre and amazing and wonderful and fab and nerveracking all at the same time.
looking forward to seeing the follies if she let me round that side of the curtain!!!!!! if i close my eyes !!!! as at bham you don't get to see the embies on screen or atall i don't think so this might be my only chance.
just cannot imagine that i might be in bham this time next week waiting for ET having waited all day for various phone calls about fertilitisation and grades etc. its going to be some week what with scan, school disco tomorrow, party and fireworks Sat, wedding Sun, another scan mon, wed Ec, thur waiting for major phone calls and friday et!!!
take care everyone and thanks as ever for all your best wishes, concern, love, interest and support - it means the world.
love 
your fertility friend
  susie


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just wanted to say...thanks for all yr support...it is a difficult time but i know dh and i will get through this (Its not like we havent been here before!!!) 

Anyway Dizzy TWINS...  wow wonderful news...x

Lainey - Enjoy everyday ok and try not to worry... 

Missyb - Girls are right maybe its only clomid that you need so best of luck honey....!  !!!!!

Suszy - Best of luck with everything....take care you and angie....   ..that you get lots of lovely follies and eggs......take care..xxxxx


Hi to everyone else, hope you are well and thinking of you all,...... Gabxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

hahahahaha twins! wah!  Fair play but what a shocker!!!  YOu'll be fine, try not to worry, and so will they!!

Lainey - so glad its all ok for you - when I first started reading I was getting prepared to reach for a tissue but thank god it is all ok - keeping everything crossed for you darling.

******** - VERY time consuming and VERY addictive - Im gonna have to start having set times on it or something cos its just getting silly now.


If ne1 knows how to upload pics on here and can tell me Ill upload a few of peanut and suchlike.

A big fat hello to all you lovely others.

Im actually 3 days 'late' at the mo, but not holding out much hope cos I can feel it approaching....................

Oh well, another month,  another disapointment on the horizon..

squeezi's xxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! well just a flying visit as i have been nosing on here for a while!!

how are you all??

nanook!! god love u are sooooo restrained i would've had to be cautioned by the POAS   lol!! let us know what happens       


hi gab how are you doing honey

hi suzy.. omg hun the time has gone so quickly.. how did ange's scan go?? god next week it's all systems go for you.. i will be thinking about you all..      thanks for the advice as always. xx

hi lainey!!! hey babes how you doing?? im so soz to hear that you are feeling teary.. have you got to go for anymore tests the nausea and other symptoms are so promising. i cant imagine how you must be feeling hun and you are bearing up better than i would  be.. thinking of you hun xx 

hi cinders... hope you and dp have a wicked weekend.. happy 40th mr cinders!!!

hi dizzy...i think the cervical mucus idea would gross dp out way too much!!! i did get some tests off of t'internet but then worried about the reliability so i bought a clear blue one (whiich i hasten to add cost an arm,leg and vital organ!!) *** will tell you more about the result in a tick*** honey please dont worry about sounding ungratful.. the prospect of having 2 babies would scare the bowel contents out of me!!  i can understand your fears about prem babies etc, but you will both be fine as you have no choice!!! one thing i have realised abt my lovlies on here is that we are all very strong women.. even in our moments of weakness and when we feel vulnerable.. we are actually at our strongest... you will cope dizzy xx


hi lyndalou... how did it go at work i hope all went well. when are you off to mexico?? i am a big strong girl and i'd gladly carry your cases!! thank you for the encouragement about the whole O thing... you hit the nail on the head.. i just feel like my body isnt my own.. i have no control over it at all!!


anyway ladies... after my tears yesterday i decided to do an opk on my super duper OPK and today i got a   so im about to O hopefully!!!!! im a bit lost and its a couple of days late..so im not sure if it leaves enough time for a bean to get settled... is my luteal phase too short

anyway, lots of bms for me!!!

hope you guys have a fab weekend..

love u all.


amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

Gabrielle - I am so sorry you got a BFN.  You must be gutted.  Life is just so damn unfair sometimes and I'm sure you are running through the whole gambit of emotions at the moment.  Allow yourself to grieve for a bit then try to find something to cling onto.  What's your next step hun?

Suzy - I'm so nervous for you flower so I can't imagine how you must be feeling at the moment!  It is exciting that things are finally happening, but the prospect of it not working is so terrifying too.  I will fill you in in a bit about my "experience" on Tuesday, but it seems like we are just going to miss each other this week as I will be back at the Priory on Tuesday this week!  It would be so wonderful if we ended up there at the same time!  How did the scan go yesterday?

Dizzylou - you are not ungrateful for being so upset/terrified of having twins.  I remember how I felt earlier this year when they told me it might be twins.  I had absolute nightmares for two weeks!  The financial implications for childcare are what were keeping me awake at night.  It's so bizarre to go from just wanting one so desperately to ending up having two.  It's like someone up there thinks it funny to keep throwing spanners into the works.  I have absolutely no doubt you will cope really well with two when they are born.  You have had plenty of practise with your first!  My best friend's sister had twins through IVF and the delivery etc all went perfectly and she now has two beautiful boys toddling around.  I will keep everything crossed for you!

Cinders - you are sounding like you are doing your best to put a brave face on things chick.  You don't have to hide how you are really feeling on here tho.  You have been so supportive and positive for everyone else, make sure that we return the favour for you too.

Missyb-  Glad you finally ovulated.  I don't think your luteal phase is too short, and ovulating a couple of days late will not eat into that phase.  The luteal phase is usually always the same length and doesn't tend to vary.  It's the phase from day one to ovulation that can vary so drastically.  I can ovulate anything from day 8 up to day 14, but my luteal phase is always 13 days!  With OPKs I can predict my AF with pinpoint accuracy!  Hope this helps.  Monitoring your bodies signals like the mucus and cervical position are also a brilliant indicator if a bit EWWW!  Its worth looking into.

Lyndalou - How are you feeling flower?  Mexico sounds like a lovely idea and you really deserve it.  Have you cried into your wine much lately or are you taking those tiny steps forward?  We are still here for you.

Lainey - Demented!! Great stay that way.  Sounds like your hormones are in full flow!!!!  Keep up chucking honey!

Nanook - Three days late?!!!!! How can you refrain from buying a test!  I would have gone mental by now!  You must be knicker checking for England!  PLEASE let us know how you get on.  I have everything crossed for you.

Now for the me bit....sorry about this!  Not a good week this week.  Drove all the way to Birmingham for my counselling session only to be told they had booked the appointment for the previous week.  The nurse was quite adamant it wasnt their mistake, but as if I would get something like this wrong?!  I just burst into tears and drove home.  And that's how I've spent most of this week.  On Thursday I went to pick up my little man from school and his teacher came out sporting a lovely little bump.  I was so shocked I said something to my child minder and she said, "Oh yeah, its been the talk of the playground.  She's due in April!"  I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut.  That's when I was due.  That's what my bump should be looking like, and here was I stood with period pains raging in my stomach.  The Priory have told me that they are closing over Christmas as well which puts back any tx and my AF arrived this morning as predicted.  WHY AM I DOING THIS?  Why don't I just give up.  Every way I turn I meet obstacles and hurdles.  It's like life is telling me to give it all up.  Why don't I just get the message?  I'm just in such a dark place at the moment.  Here I am having periods when I should be eighteen weeks pregnant.  I'm so fed up with being miserable.  I just want it all to end.  So what should I do?  Walk away or carry on with this futile stupid quest which will only end up with more misery?  Sorry for such a negative post.  I just don't know what to do for the best anymore.

Speak next week everyone,

Pand


----------



## missyb

hi pand... darling i dont know what to say. i cant speak for the others on here though im sure they'd agree.. we all feel the same. i just wonder at times whether i should accept the fact that im IF and be done with it.. yet instead month after month i put myself (and poor dp) through torture.. i feel like a dog with a bone..dont give up hun.. it will happen.it has happened before and it will again. it must be awful seeing ds's teacher with her bump when she is due around the time that you would've been. i know i'd want to scream 'it should be me!!!' and throw myself onto the floor and have a tantrum. 

im so sorry that you had all of that pallava with your counselling session.. they are sods arent they. instead of owning up they make it seem like it's your fault.

im sorry that the b i t ch witch arrived.. dont let this be the end of your journey hun.



amanda xx


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## SUSZY

Dear Girls

Just to let you know the scan went well, there were lots of follies and some were over 10 and some not so they are going to be growing over the weekend and there will be another scan on Monday! and all going to plan EC Tues and ET Fri and ET can be in the afternoon as we get the call fri am to let us know how the embies are doing so we will be leaving for bham tues pm tryand have counselling session and then collect Ang on Wed am and do EC and sperm delivery and conception will take place!!
Then come down Friday if all go to plan!  Excited, nervous, scared, emotional, tired, exhausted - you name it I feel it.

Pand -  I am so sorry sweetheart and I so feel for you and just wish I could do something for you, its so unfair because not only are you dealing with not being preg you are dealing with a very recent quite late m/c and its so painful.  i wish I could do or say something to make you feel better but don't think I can other than to say we are here for you as ever   to give you lots of hugs and kisses and support and tlc and love and affection and understanding because we are with you in your pain and we so emphasize.  I am so sorry and life is so cruel and just when you start to feel better things knock you back.  its very frustrating re your counselling session, I have now her mobile number now which helps as its easier to do it direct with her.  I have just booked the 730 slot on Tuesday night - what time is yours?? I could maybe change mine to make it nearer yours?? i was trying to keep everything normal with ds and school but my mum is around so let me know what time and can see if can sort something.  I really need to get to med which is in the morning.  I just hope you feel better soon but can so relate to where you are coming from and the thought of giving up.  we are finding now that ds is missing a sibling more than ever and wants people around etc luckily we have close neighbours that he plays with but like now he just wants to play with someone,.  I have made dh as i need to catch up on here but its not the same.  i also felt really down and crying last night as he not really play with many at the disco and his sort of best friend hardly spoke to him and she came with another mum and i just felt left out for myself and for dh if you know what I mean. he also said he did not play with anyone in one of the breaks and my heart went out for him,  i have tried to socialise and at first we were getting inviting to loads but now its less and less and there have been quite a few parties we have not been invited to and I am beginning to get upset about it, not sure again if its due to my state of mind.  sometimes life just continues to chuck stuff at us and sometimes we can cope and others we cannot.  anyway sorry I am going on about me when its you I am trying to cheer up.
take care and look afteryourself.

missby  - hope you are feeling better and great news re the O and the bms!! good luck

nanook-  fingers crossed for you and nice to hear from you and try and curb that addiction, one of the main reasons I don't want to go on it.!

Gab -  lovely to hear from you and thinking of you as ever   and sending you lots of love and hugs.

lyndalou -  hope that work was not too bad.

dizzy -  hope the news is sinking in a bit more and go and have a look at the twin mums thread or other related ones - there seems to be a whole area on multiple births!!!

Cinders -   sending you lots of love and support as ever and good luck

lainey -   hope you are feeling a bit better and how did the other scan go, let us know, looking forward to hearing good news.

Chimer - hope that you are ok ?? 

angeljoy - hope that you are ok>> 

emma- hope that you are ok?? 

emily caitlin- hope that you are doing ok too 

I hope I have not missed anyone out.
Just wanted to wish you lck and love as ever.
will not be on for a few days as we have family wedding tomorrow, dh bro gets married and we are seeing his dad and step mum and mum that we have not seen for a while, some know some don't its probably going to be a bit of a trauma and I need to stay calm.
orginally the ec and et were going to be last week but now they are next week but its still alot to happen in the next week.
feeling a bit overwhelmed and my brain doing overtime.
sorry if over the next week I become a bit me focused, it does not mean I am not thinking about you all its just the way it goes but think you all understand.
love and luck and many thanks as ever for all your support.
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh Pand lovie, I so know how you feel  

Sometimes this journey is just too much for anyone to handle.  You have had it tougher than most of us this year and it is totally understandable that you feel down.  The surprise bumps are the worst, they almost wind you sometimes.  It must be especially poignant for you with the dates coinciding like they do.  Don't be too hard on yourself and be kind to yourself.

Missyb - glad to hear you have ovulated.  Perhaps in past months you have been doing it too early  

Gab - hope you are ok  

Lyndalou - enjoy Mexico.

Cinders - Happy birthday to Mr Cinders  

Hope you are ok Susie - are you getting excited/nervous?

As for me, I am on a bit of a downer myself.  My friend Angela, who posted on here the other day has had a m/c and her HCG levels were still rising but not doubling.  So, I decided to do a bit of research on the internet and none of it was good news.  One particular site said that slow rising HCG was an indication of impending m/c, although the pg could continue for several weeks before failing    This all leads me to believe that the nausea, etc doesn't mean anything and that I could well continue with this for some time before having a m/c.  I feel so lost, why can't someone tell me what is going on.  I would rather they had said at the hospital they thought it would end in m/c rather than send me away with some hope.  I feel like I can't cope anymore.  This is just too much to deal with.  I feel like I am so near and yet so far away.

I went to a phoenix cards party last night, one of the Mums was having it.  I just went and bought some cards and then left straight away.  Two of the mums are pg and two were comparing notes on their newborns.  There I was, looking like death, feeling sick and tired and wanting to be part of their club but knowing that I am not  

I hope everyone is fairing better than me.  I just want this to be over if I am going to m/c.  It seems really unfair to prolong the agony like this.

Love

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey Susie - our messages crossed and I wanted to save mine before I lost it.

Good news on the scan.  I bet you will have loads of lovely embies to choose from.  I am really excited for you and could really do with some good news.

My scan is on Monday so I will let you all know how it goes.  Not too hopeful.  Feel like my world is falling apart.  Think this might be the end of the road for us.  I can't go through all this again.

Enjoy the wedding.

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

aw lainey... i wish i had some answers for you. it's fine for the hospital to come back for a scan monday but that is an eternity!!! you want to know NOW!!! dont they realise what is going thru your mind im sooo angry on your behalf. please dont give up just yet hun... keep me posted (if you feel you can) on monday... i will be thinking about you.


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Lainey hun I so hope it all turns out alright for you - good luck hunni xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## missyb

hi ladies!!

nanook.. any af? 

this is just a quicky as i need some advice... i went into work and got dp's sa results.. well we are both confused now!!!


ph & volume normal

liquifaction complete at one hr (is that a problem as i think it should be complete within an hr??)

sperm concerntration 27 million/ml (which is a vast improvement as the last SA was 2 million/ml!!)

abnormal forms were 91% as opposed to 83% last time (which i think is a bit worse)

motility & progression  moderate 45% at 1 hr progression 2


i have no idea what this all means... if anyone can shed some light i'd be very gratful..


amanda xx


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## lainey-lou

Hey Missy

My DH is a bit of an expert on these matters having had so many tests  

He says that there should be at least 20m per ml - so the volume is ok.

Motility should be around 50% so you are just under but probably ok.

Abnormalities should be less than 85% so at 91% you are a bit over.  They should do the tests within an hour so maybe that has effected the result.

My DH recommends brazil nuts.  His first test was not good but he had shed loads of selenium and it has kept improving.

Hope this helps.

Lainey x


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just to say....yep my dh took selenium and things have improved he also takes something called Tribulus Terrestris from Holland and Barret which also improves swimmers....


----------



## nanook

Hello 

No, no AF but I can feel it coming - am pmt'd right up, lol............

The Brazil nuts thingy works - my hubby ate them loads and also took Selenium pills and his sperm rate went up lots too.....

Still keeping a glimmer of hope but am not expecting anything - Ive been under a hell of a lot of stress over the past week so its probably just that!

Love to y'all. xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey girls!

Well, it's good news I think.

The scan showed one baby and one heartbeat.  The dates are still all wrong   - they date me at 7 weeks, I think I am 8 but the consultant did say IVF pg start slowly.

The only cloud over it was that the sonographer said the heart rate looked a bit slow.  However the midwife said "What is a bit slow?"  she said it wasn't necessarily a bad sign.  

I have to go back in a week for another scan.  I now have pictures of my bubs.  I feel so happy, I know I shouldn't cos it can still all go wrong but I am just so glad it has made it to a proper living baby.   Does that make sense?  Whatever happens now I will always have pictures of my growing baby.  It is fighting away in there, confounding all the doctors.

All I can do now if hope and pray it will keep growing.

Love to everyone.

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh, by the way I had a message from Teena.  She is having a cs today!

I hope she will be ok    

Lainey x


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## nanook

Lainey - Good news   , and yes we do know exactly what you mean - A living baby all tucked up inside you...........  you must be over the moon!!!!  Please try not to worry too much hun  .

Oh and by the way,  .

Still no AF for me, but tummy pains and a whole load of d/charge so bring it on! (sorry, a bit graphic maybe..?!?!)lol.

Speak to you all later, and, as usual am sending my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Sorry - good luck Teena - hope it all went ok babe xx


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## missyb

evening ladies!!!


lainey!!!! yay... im so pleased for you!!!! god it has been such a rollercoster and i dont know how you have coped... i'd have been a wreck!! (even more so than you feel you have been!!  )

nanook!!! please test and put me out of my misery!!!      


thank you for the advice on the SA... brazil nuts for breakfast lunch and dinner for dp!!!!

cinders.... how was dp's bday celebrations??


hi suzy.. hope your ok sweetie.. you and ange will be in my thoughts xx



i think im getting the lurgy and have been sneezing on and off all day!!! ewwwww


hope you are all well.


mwah


amanda xx


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## samblue

Hi girls,
long time no speak....bad sam! 

Just catching up a bit wiv messages today made me sad so i guess i kno why i havnt been here for a while.  I'v just popped in to say hello because this place was my sanity and security blanket earlier in the year.  We're off to St Mary's tomorrow for our appointment, our return after 6 months of 'go away and try naturally for a while...', needless to say, nothing happened.

I have spent the last 6 months 'making like an ostrich', trying to ignor it, my ghastly SIL had her ivf babe in the summer, knocked me for six, only seen him twice, poor mite, wouldn't wish him any harm for the world but those of you who know me, know my story.

Don't know what to expect tomorow, feel sick thinking about it, don't know where we're going from here, don't even know where I want to go from here. Keep thinking to myself, 'this time tomorow it'll all be over'.

Haven't even got the energy to cry about it all, I expect that will come tomorow.

What should i ask them? DH says we need to see what they say/offer to us before we make any decisions, but i can't help thinking we should go with a few ideas? IVF doesn't look feasible, with my dodgy eggs, was wondering about natural ivf?

I'm sorry to all of you for abandoning you, i hope you're stories have come good, this was just a place i couldn't b for a while, now i need you, hope you're still there!

luv to all, sam xxx


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## lainey-lou

Hi Sam

Of course we are still here    We missed you.  Sorry you felt you needed to go away, hope you feel a little bit more positive now.

Good luck tomorrow.  Don't write yourself off yet, I've got dodgey eggs too and I've just done IVF and got a BFP.  It depends where you go but my clinic did short protocol to get a few eggs, rather than long protocol to try and get loads.  Don't take any cr*p from them, stand your ground.

I hope it goes well and welcome back.

Love 

Lainey x


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## missyb

hi sam!!

i wrote a long post and lost it!! now i cant remember what i said.

just wanted to say welcome back. i know that i've disappeared before because i felt so negative and didnt want to drag anyone down.. i came back when i felt ready and the girls on here are so fab.. then it feels like you've never been away.

i hope that tomorrow goes well for you hun and you get some direction. like lainey said.. stand your ground.

let us know how you get on.


amanda xx


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## Pand

Hi girls,

Lainey - that really is fab news hun.  I've been so worried about you.  Having a scan picture is lovely.  Now you can really start to picture that little one you so deserve.  I know you have a long way to go, but one day at a time flower.  Every day is a step further forward.  xxx

Samblue -  We totally understand you needing time away and of course we are all still here.  Good to have you back.

Nanook - how can you be so restrained?!!!!!!!!!!!!  Buy a test now PULEEZE!!!!! You must be nearly a week overdue... surely that's not right?  I'm holding my breath for you!

Suzy - am still due for my appointment at the Priory tomorrow evening... are you?  Let me know so we can try to meet up.  Hope it's all going ok hun. xxx

Speak soon

Amanda


----------



## A.T.C.C

Hi ladies
Thought id post as i know Susie is having an early night.

Quick update... had my 2nd follie scan today ... ive got 1 x 20mm, 1 x 19mm, 2 x 18mm, 1 x 16mm, 1 x 15mm, 2 x 14mm, 1 x 13mm, 2 x 12mm and over 10 under 10mm.
Ec is at 9am on Wed and i did my trigger shot at 9pm this evening.

Pand - i think Susie is going to the appointment, has she got your number?

Love to you all, Ang xxxx


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## cinders35

Just a quicky,
Fantastic Lainey!!!! Keep up the good work!  
Fantastic Ang & Suszy, crucial time coming up... 
Fantastic you O'd missyb!!  ...
Fantastic to have you back samblue, welcome back with open arms...  Good luck for your appointment... 
 Pand. When I am in the depths of despair regarding my IF I too wonder how much longer I can keep going? But so far, the thought of giving up has been worse than the thought of continueing the journey. So I guess when the thought of continueing is worse than the thought of giving up, I will know...
Not sure it's as simple as that! It's failing my dd that's the worse thing. It's like the ultimate in letting her down. 
I haven't been through a m/c Pand, but I think that it would tip me over the edge of my already fragile state of mind. Do you feel like you are managing to cope? You come accross to me, as though you are holding it together with the occasional wobble, but as you know, sometimes what we type doesn't correspond with our true feelings!
I'm soooo sorry about the shock of seeing ds teacher's bump. The pain just never goes away, and like Lainey said, you feel physically winded.
I found myself scouring the playground today, wondering which one would be next to sport their latest bump. I feel bitter & twisted!  
Sorry to start moaning on guys,
Just dream of one day being able to tell dd she's going to be a big sister. I'd get her one of those stupid "I'm a big sister" t-shirts!
It's a long ole' road this, & I'm parked in a lay by just now!!!
Love having you guys to turn to... 
Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

HI girls

yes I was planning an early night but then when i put this on to just check i end up posting as am going away tomrrow night to bham!!!! thought i would update you but see Angela has - isn't she a clever girl!!!! Just cannot believe she has all those follies with eggs inside them and that by Sat they will be tucked up inside me.  Was reading DS some fascintating books again about he whole process and there is some great pictures of the cells dividing,  i was trying to explain to him that its not proper baby as such for a good few weeks hence we are not telling most people.  he was really interested and kept asking lots of questions and looking at pictures - one of them was inside the cervix !! and he asked me what it was and I tried to skip it but he kept saying'read it to me mummy"well we are trying to encourage his reading!!!!!!!  Anway am over the moon re the follies, the wedding went well and we all had a good time, dh was a bit quiet and did not drink atall, the brides parents wished us luck!! when we have not even told some of our own relatives.  it still amazes me that some people just cannot keep it to themselves! so a few more know but its only i don't want to have to make lots of phone calls/texts after the 2ww.  As it is everything i do I report back to FF - I feel until I have done that i cannot rest i you know what I mean.

Lainey - what fab news to see a heartbeat how great, sounds like the sonograph person does not help your situ atall and has made you worry more than you should anywy fingers crossed for the ne  xt scan - think this is how you are going to spend the next few months. just try to relax and enjoy a bit and of course good luck  

samblue  - how lovely to have you back and glad you are feeling a bit better and more ready, do hope the appt goes well and do keep us updated and we do understand why you need to have a break - we have all done it. nice to have you back!

missby - sorry you lost your post its so annoying isn't it.  i wrote one the other night quite late and the lap top was playing up and its so frustrating.  hope you don't get the lurky.

gab lots of love to you  how are you feeling sweetheart - thinking of you

nanook - please put these girls out of their misery you know we are routing for you and hope you manage to calm down soon

what great news about Teena - i hope it goes well and please keep us posted and wish her our best.
another girl i communciated with had a csection a few weeks ago, its lovely to hear about the end result.

pand - would love to meet up with you so will send you another msg to sort, still have not finalised yet but will do tomorrow.  hope to have met you by this time tomorrow night- think we might end up all teary !! would be great if ang could come too.

ang-  thanks as ever darling for doing this for me, you are one amazing person and i feel so lucky.  cannot believe you have all those follies and hope you don''t feel too bloated!

lyndalou - hope you are enjoying mexico and that work is ok

chimer- how are you??

emily caitlin - hope you are good

emma - hope you are doing ok?

angeljoy - hope you are doing ok

dizzy - hope you are ok and not too tired!

cinders - know what you mean about scouring the playground, most of them have had them now but there is always one lurking and f course for me i realise the most pain has gone as i feel left out of the second child party and invites when that should have been me.  all so hard, like your comparason of the lay by and really do hope you can speed out of it soon and screech away burning rubber as it were!

love and luck girls as ever
this time tomorrow i will be in bham - its all so close and scary and really cannot believe its happening at last
thanks for all your support
have you seen the media request - think its a bit soon for us but looks good follow the link
love you all
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Ange - you clever girl.  So many follicles.  Perhaps you could have donated to two or three people at the same time    We are all so proud to know you, you are a really special person and Susie is a very lucky girl.  We are all routing for you and hope you are not suffering too much.  I really hope the EC goes smoothly and you are not too sore afterwards.  Love to you.  

Susie - as I said, we are all routing for you.  Good luck lovie, I so want this to work for you. Even if it doesn't work first time you will have loads of lovely FE to choose from.  You may end up with twins    I will be thinking of you  

Cinders honey, I so know how you feel.  The playground is the worst place to be with IF.  I sometimes think IF is worse when you already have a child (although I am sure the people with no children will disagree).  As much as we are lucky to have ds and dd, there is no avoiding pg women when you have to hit the playground every day and the endless children's parties with everyone parading around with their bumps and siblings are torture.  I also think when you have a child already you know what you are missing. People who have never had a child don't know how it feels to have a child of your own so I am sure it is easier to adopt (does that make sense?).  As you said aswell, you feel you are letting your child down by not providing a sibling.  I have always said to dh it is not even as if we can say, we are not meant to have children so lets spend all our money on lavish holidays and sports cars, we have dd so a sports car is not an option.  Having said all this I wouldn't want to be without dd but I do think it makes it hard sometimes.  Am I making any sense?  Someone shoot me please  

Pand - thanks for the good wishes.  How are you feeling?  You are so brave, we all admire you and love you x

Nanook - buy a clearblue for god's sake and put us out of our misery.  I have got a spare one in my bathroom, pop round and you can have it  

Missyb - hope you are enjoying the bms.  Lots of it please - I will be round to check progress   

After the euphoria of yesterday I am panicking again today    I didn't feel as sick yesterday so have now managed to convince myself that something has gone wrong since the scan yesterday am.  I am destined to spend the rest of this pg worrying    I think I need to buy a scanning machine and install it in my lounge.  Then I can just lay on it all day and scan to my hearts content  

Love to everyone, especially Susie and Ange xx

Lainey


----------



## samblue

hi all,
just a quick one as i have no energy left.
saw the same doc as last time, managed to hold it together pretty well this time, asked some questions too.  Basically he said ivf would not really be a successful option as my high/irregular fsh levels would send it all haywire and i'm now looking at failing ovaries. i'm numb. thought i would cry buckets but at the moment i just can't. couldn't talk to Dh on way home, that's to come i guess.
doc's going to write us a 'to whom it may concern' referral letter so we can decide if/where we want to try ivf but he said its 4-5k a go and thats out of our reach. 
don't know what to do or where to go, feel like curling up in a corner somewhere and letting the world carry on without me.

sorry for the negative vibes, wishing you all every success, i know what you've been/going through, i know how much it hurts.

take care all, loadsa luv sam xxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh Sam  

What are your FSH numbers?  Mine are high but I did IVF and had success (so far  ).

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, there is nothing I can say I suppose.  Just know that we all understand and are here for you if you want to rant/cry/wallow.

I hope you are ok.

Lainey x


----------



## nanook

Hi guys, still no AF but a tummy the size of a bloody watermelon! 

Sorry, Ive not done a test but its just because I had irregular periods for years and they've only been regular for the past year or so, so am thinking its just another irregular period - every month when no AF came for about 3 and a half years I decided I MUST be pregnant, only to be sat on the stairs crying when Id convinced myself I was pregnant and AF came.....  eventually at the start of my treatment on Clomid etc my doc told me to stop being so obsessive about it all and to STOP BUYING TESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thats why Im a bit reluctant to go ahead cos I just know as soon as I let myself get that bit of hope inside me Ill be crushed again and I just cant bear that feeling, when Ive been doing so well getting on with my life lately!!

I know you're all on tenderhooks but Im gonna leave it till the end of the week and then let myself go ahead and have a bit of hope!

I know each and everyone of you have been there, so I know you'll all understand how Its just easier for me to pretend theres nothing out of the ordinary right now, cos I think Ill go insane if I have to cope with another dissapointment!!

Sorry - I know that was a bit deep but just thought Id explain why Im apprearing to be so 'cool' about it all!!

xx

Love to you all, as always! xx


----------



## nanook

Thanks for all your support guys by the way - you are my lifeline a lot of the time!! x


----------



## nanook

Cinders I just wanted to say I was also dreaming of my ds having a brother or sister... he is such a good natured little boy I know he would be so proud of his baby brother or sister! and I feel Ive let him down terribly for not providing him with that sooner, when he could have a friend to play with... xxx


----------



## chimer

Evenin'!

Sorry for disappearing again!! I'm not too good at keeping up on here   I've been on a right downer, but I think I'm coming out of it now. 

I've had 2 Acu sessions, which I'm enjoying. I think just lying down for 20mins, having a dose is the best bit!! I'm told not to expect any changes in mood/energy levels for a couple of months, which is fine by me. she also said it could mess up my cycle, but that will settle down again. That's cool as well, as I think my body needs a re-tune!

I've also started jogging again. I'm so unfit! If I can do 2-3 sessions this month, then that should kick-start my fitness and make me feel better generally.

Anyway, enough about me.

Lainey - I'm so pleased your scan went well!! Fab news!!!

Ang & Susy - Hope ec goes well tomorrow. It's so exciting reading your updates! i'm sure there ae others out there who come on to see how you are both getting on.  

Pand - I was so sorry to read of your non-counseilling appointment, how rude of them to make out it was your mistake! My sons teacher suddenly sprouted a bump after half-term as well. I kind of hoped she'd just put on weight, but a letter came home to say she'll be going on Mat leave in March. I understand that it must be much harder for you after your m/c.I felt awful reading the letter, so can't even begin to imagine how you must've felt. All I can say is that there are some fab people on here who will listen and support you all the way x

Dizzy - twins!!!!! I don't blame you for being shocked! congrats!!

Flippin eck, Liverpool have just scored a 7th goal!! Sorry, went off-topic then!

I have given in and joined ********. I agree with whoever said it was addictive! I'm hoping the novelty will wear off and I'll stop sending drinks and flowers to people!!

Samblue - Hi. I'm new and keep disappearing for weeks, then popping back on! I'm sorry you feel so down, it's so crap!   Venting on here is good coz we all understand exactly how you feel. This is the only place I feel sane sometimes!!

cinders - I totally agree with your comments about playgrounds. Fortunately, I only have to go through it 2 mornings a week, as my Mum takes my Son to school and picks him up while I'm at work. I don't even have to wait now as ds just wants to run off with his buddies.

OMG - it's 8-0!!!!!

Hi to Gabrielle, missyb, lyndalou and anyone else I've missed - you're all fab!!

Lou xXx


----------



## A.T.C.C

Afternoon ladies

Just to let know i got 20 eggs for Suszy

She'll post later 
Oh ive been instructed by Suszy whos over my shoulder to say that we're over the moon!!!! Her DH took a while to do his sample but got there in the end.

p.s Suszy and Pand met yesterday for a few minutes and she said it was really lovely... im sure she'll tell you all about it later with another mammoth post of hers ha!!  

Love Ang xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Ange, wow  

20 eggs, you really are a clever girl.  I bet Susie is over the moon.  Thanks for letting us know.

I hope they all fertilise and Suze has loads to freeze, wouldn't that be great?

Its so nice that Susie and Pand got to meet yesterday.  I feel left out now, I want to meet everyone  

I hope you are ok Ange, not too sore?  It is an amazing thing you have done and I bet you are pleased your bit is over now!  A nice G&T for you tonight    I found the whole IVF thing difficult and I was doing it for me, it is so amazing that you have done it for someone you hardly know and been through all the injections and treatment.  You really are an amazing person.

Love to you and speedy recovery x

Lainey x


----------



## lyndalou

Dizzy Must be a shock to be having twins but my friend has twins and they are so easy. They entertain each other all day.
She calls them double trouble but they are just lovely. It will take time to get your head around it. when we had two blasts
put in we both hoped we would have twins. My dh kept saying buy one get one free! Think because my son is 12 now having
twins would be nice so they could grow up close. Thats one thing I feel my son has missed out on.
Thanks for asking about our plans hon. We have decided to have a break untill after xmas. Just need some time to just be
us.

Cinders Happy birthday to you dh  hope you both had a lovely weekend

Lainey Sooo glad you scan went well. You have been though so much over last couple of weeks. 

Suszy Wonderfull news for you and Ang 20 eggs! So pleased for you both.

Gab Hope ypur ok hon 

Nanook Any news?

Amanda Mexico was work hon. I work for an airline. Hope your ok!

Pand So sorry you have been feeling down hon. You have been through so much.  
I am trying to stay positive about further txn but still get days whan the tears start.

Chimer Sorry you are feeling low. Great your enjoying acupuncture. Thinking of trying it myself.

Sam Didn't know you from before but just wanted to say 

Well im back form Mexico. Had nice time. Nobody in work knows about my tx so was nice to forget about it for a few days.
Im off 2 weight watchers tonight. Have put on a stone since starting tx in July. Sitting here eating a bacon sandwich[my last supper]
Bring on the carrot sticks! I WILL get into that little black dress for xmas


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls
As you saw from ang's post we got 20 eggs - its so amazing and we are so overjoyed, just hope the spermies and eggs get jiggy tonight and we have lots fertilizing over night and we get a good call in the morning!!  Only overshadowed by Ang saying she feeling really sore and tired and she not want to eat so feeling really guilty and worried about her esp with being so close to her dads bday on Sunday just think when you feel tired and sore your emotions feel the same. She recovered really well from the op and was fine at home but think all those follies must be releasing their fluid and just don't want her to be too umcomfortable.
hope you feel better soon Ang
its so hard to express my graititude and thanks as in the end I can sick of my own voice/emails/texts saying but do think she knows.
hopefully this way we can put to blasts back and freeze lots to use in case the fresh not work for a FET or perhaps even one more although we said we wouldn\t but hopefully this one will work. also we will probably donate our embies which will be nice as there are people out there who have both male and female factors.  anyway will keep you posted on Ang and the fertilisation.
told ds there were 20 eggs and he said wow, think the session wth the book really worked and it was the first thing he showed my mum.
I left for bham after a good med session, did well but there was a lot of traffic near the priory so managed to be quite late so just ended up having more of a chat which was nice and spent a lot of it talking about FF - I am defo addicted and just not sure what I would do without it,  i also kept thinking of meeting Pand and how weird it was going to be to meet someone else from it.
It was a lovely five or so minutes which involved lots of hugs, so weird to be so close to people and been through so much with them and yet not met them.  Anyway we did not have long but I hope go down again in the 2ww and meet up with her and Ang for lunch and anyone else who wants to come who is near Bham - its a bit of a drive but so what. my mum is up to do the school run which is great and means I am free!!! and he is loving being with her.
went to Angelas house which was lovely and saw all her photos etc and we had a good old chat then went back to the innkeepers and had an indian meal. dh over the moon due the 8 nil score so at least we know the sperm happy!
anyway girls i am going to keep this short if you don't mind and will keep you posted and please send lots of pos vibes to those sperm and eggies in bham getting jiggy in a dishy or two!!
thank you so much as ever girls for all your support not sure what i would have done without you
sorry so many of you are having a hard time (sam blue sorry re your appt) and I know it takes time to get used to the idea and accept it and i was in total shock and very down this time last year and for the next few months and look where I am today.  if you can accept it in your head then its fine but you do need to take time and do think and explore every avenue and be kind to yourself too. i feel so lucky now ironic really and feel blessed to have met Ang and you lot.
wishing you all lots of   
will keep you posted and sorry for the me post!
does not mean i am not thinking of you
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Just wanted to say well done to Ang and Suz!!!
Wish I could do some flashy sign with my puter, but not that clever!!!!!
Hoping they are getting it on as we speak!!!! Come on you eggies and sperm!!!!                                          
                                                                                                

Come on sperm, swim, godammit, swim......                     

There, that should do it!?
Love to all,
Cindersxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Angie and Suszy.....thinking of you......                         ....well done Girlies.....lol Gabxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

there is sooo much to catch up with on here that i dont know where to start... well thats a lie...

im soooo excited for you suzy and just so amazed by what you have done ange that reading your posts always seems to choke me up (im on the 2ww so everything chokes me up or makes me as mad as hell!!)                    
i hope you feel better soon ange and suzy please take it easy.


hi cinders... where is your car?

hi chimer.. sorry you have been feeling down but glad that you are starting to feel a bit better. imtrying to get fitter. i joined the gym and started with some of the classes but not im worried with the 2ww about excercise.. anyway good luck with it all. 


hi lainey how are you doing?? i have to admit i may need a    because me and dp did bms thur, fri x2, sat x1 and then so lost interest and did bms today... not sure if we covered our bases!! like you i'd soooo love to meet everyone.. maybe we should arrange a ff secondary thread meet how are you feeling today?? i know it must be a rollercoster for you.. i think id be frantic untill i either saw a bump or got to the stage where bubs was moving before i'd believe i was pg!!

hi lyndalou... soz mexico wasnt holiday and was work..  i soooo need to go on a diet, since giving up smoking food has become the addiction of choice!!!!!arrrrrrrgh so good luck with that. xx

hi pand how are you doing hun

hi nanook... you know what i'm desperate to ask but wont!!! hope you are ok chick xx

hi gabs... how are you doing?? well i hope xx


i got a pm today from honeyprincess (laura) she has been very down and hasnt felt able to come on. she has her op on 12th november for her cervix and is hopes to be back on after then. sends her love to all....


hope that all are ok and to all those ive missed but not forgotten.. hi!!!!


love amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Susie honey, you are fully entitled to do a me post.  You always include everyone in your posts and I think today and the next few days are definitely about you.

Sending your eggs and sperm          I hope they all fertilise and you have loads of frosties.

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Well?


----------



## SUSZY

Morning girls
just come of the phone to the embrologist Paul and just told Ang and 11 fertilised which is great
we asked lots of questions as we are empowered by FF!! and of the ones that didnt the majority were mature but did not fertlise ? obviousl did not fancy each other!! and 2 were immature non abnormal
We have decided to go to blast as there are lots of them and he said there was a 5-10% chance of them implanting and going to full preg - I think we are lucky to have the choice due to the number and we may lose some along the way which i feel pretty bad about but whether for us or for someone else really feel that blast is best.  They phone us tomrrow to see how they are doing and if anything not right we can go down there and thn but looks like its gong to be Monday!!!!  We are so pleased and excited.
Thanks girls for all the support and I loved all those smilies things Cinders and thanks to yours Lainey and Gab and Lyndalou and Missby and I know everyone else routing for me  thanks and will keep you posted
still keep sending those pos vibes  
as we said this morning we have enought for a football team
still cannot believe this is happending
love you all grls
susie
ps drowned girl if you ar reading this your inbox is full


----------



## lainey-lou

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  11, that's superb.

Go embies, go embies!

                                                 

Keep growing 

                 

Blasts is good.  If they aren't going to carry on growing, better you know that before they go in.  You might have a whole collection of blasts to choose from.

I have everything crossed for you.

Lainey xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Wonderful News girlies.....      for those little embies....
Monday will be here before you know it...and blasts is def a good plan....
Wishing you all the luck in the world sweetheart will be thinking of you Monday..... 
Please pass on my Get well wishes to Angie..xxxx....she is def one in a million.......


----------



## missyb

fab news suzy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        and fingers crossed big time for monday!!!!




amanda xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thinking of you Suze and your little embies.  

Ange - hope you are ok.  Gab is right, you are one in a million.  We all love you for doing this for Susie, it is so amazing.  

Grow embies, grow               

Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,

Firstly, well done little embies. Come on grow little ones,   
Hope Ang feeling ok?

I agree with Lainey, don't even _think_ about personals, you just concentrate on you and your growing family Suszy ok?

Lainey hun, thinking of you, how you doing? Still going loopy, or are symptoms reassuring at the mo? You sick? When is next scan?

Missyb, you still in the multi story? I have left the layby, but think I may be driving around in circles?!!!! (This relates to previous post where I said I felt like I was in a layby on my IF journey!!!)

Love to Honeyprincess if you are reading. You don't have to feel good to post on here. We are here through thick & thin, sick & sin!!!

Hey Gab,  how you doing?

Love to all, cat wants to sit on my lap. Am on lap top!!!

Cindersxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi cinders!! still in multistory looking for my car!! remember it is red and dented and thats it!!

Lainey & co  i forgot to thank you for the advice and infor on dp's sa. i rang the fertility clinic today who were lovely.. the sister rang me back and explained to me that (in simple terms) progression 4 sperm have sat nav and know exactly where they are going, progression 3 they just have a map, progression 2 (which dp has) is no sat nav no map but they'll get there eventually, progression 1 no sat nav and map upside down!!!! she made me larf and i think i got wot she meant!!


love you all xx


----------



## SUSZY

Thanks girls you are all so lovely and I so appreciate it, it means to the world to have all your support
still waiting for the damned call, it came at 1015 yesterday so not sure why they are taking so long today, its agony really
perhaps they meant in gen today not necess the morning 
its just so frustrating as you cannot do anything else and the time just ticks away
also two people have rung me this am, not people who don't know about THE important call but mum and dh!!!!
anyway as soon as I hear anything will let you know.
dont suppose we will get a call over the weekend so will hve to just get used to not knowing.
just wish i could be there with them in th dishes
ang better but still bloated poor thing feel so guilty for putting her through this.
take care girls and hope to post back soon
thanks so much each and every one of you it means the world
sorry some of you feel not so good but hopefully it will improve soon.
its a long hard journey but hopefully we will all get there one day.
love and kisses and support  
just such a weird situ to be in awaiting the call to see how hopefully your future bub/s are doing.
take care
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
eventually got the call they have been really busy, I rang the hossie and she said they would phone me soon.
anyway a different guy rang me and said they were still in the lab and he did not have the notes in front of him but there were 
5 good embyros 1 Grade 1 and 4 grade 2 the remaining were slightly lower and it was fine for blast and he has booked me a 2pm slot on Monday.  I asked if he would phone later and he said no or tomorrow and he agreed in the end to phone me about midday tomorrow.  I think they must be really snowed under there.
I pressed for further info but he said they only change every six hours but they were apparently happy not to tell me anything more til monday perhaps not even til the transfer??  I asked if there were more grading like a b c but he said not but am sure i have seen this info, anyway am going to have a search on here to see.  sorry its taken me a while to post had a friend pop around who has recently emigrated to spain so it was lovely to see her then decided to speak to my dad who not spoken to for more than a week or so.  I feel I m so emersed in this that sometimes forget there is a world outside Ff and my tx.
The weather is appalling just raining and windy so glad I am inside and not having to do the school run
take care everyone and hope you are all ok as well.
love Susie


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!

just popped on to say hi to all..

suzy... fab news and fingers crossed for monday.... if you get a chance keep us posted i cant wait to hear whats going on with you.


hope everyone is well and that you have a fab weekend xx

amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
its quiet on here must be the weekend

well got the call today and he was really nce and spent 7 mins on phone and he said we had obviously done our research, he also said had we had blasts put back in last time and I said this was our first time!!!
feeling excited as
10 cell x 1  grade 1
9 cell x 1 grade 2
8 cell x 4 (one poor, one I think he said grade 1 and 2 Grade 2)
6 cell x 2 grade 3
5 cell x 1 grade 3
4 cell x 2

all schedule to get to blast on Monday at 2pm and ewill call us in the morning on monday
apparently blast is 100 cell! 

We are really pleased with this and its nice to know about the others, also the eggs that did not fertilise or were immature are all still in the dish and will only get discarded after ET - its sad to think of these eggs and any of the fertilised ones that are not going to be good enough to freeze being discarded especially after all Angela has been through but I think its what happens.

I am relieved as was concered like Ang how it went from 20 to 11 to 5 but now we know the others are developing just not as fast and that sometimes it equals out.  I actually feel more emotional now than before.

Dh said i should be using this time to clean house so have a bit today, just have not been motivated before and don't know where this week has gone, know I have spent a lot of time on ff and texting and in bhm and thinking of tx think I must go into a trance or something.

hope you are all doing alright and thinking of you all

take care
love
susie    to you all


----------



## cinders35

Hi Susie,
That's great news. Well done little embies  .
Hope Ang starting to feel a bit better.  
I think when you get to the stage of treatment of actually having real living embryos, and it's not a hypothetical situation anymore, the enormity of what you are doing hits you. Hence the dream like state...the drifting off...the what if's...the lack of focus and concentration on anything other than treatment!! It is emotionally all consuming. My emotions ranged from excitement and hope to the depth of despair about 10 times a day!!! So go easy on yourself.
I don't know how you feel about the 2ww? Are you going to try and carry on as normal as possible!!!? Or put your feet up for 2ww?
I felt very precious during the 2ww, because I knew what was possibly going on inside me. Whereas when I did get pg with dd, I was working 14 hr days, and even got drunk one night! I had NO IDEA I was pg! Am suitably horrified and ashamed obviously!!!! But I think you just have to do whatever feels right. Everyone is different.
We are hoping for blasts next time. But I am glad we have taken a bit of a break. We needed it. My head still isn't "together"!!! But I wonder if it ever will be now!!!??!
It's definately a rollercoaster Susie, each step is a major hurdle, when you get the embryos onboard it is quite a major achievement. But that's when the symptom checking starts....aaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
One day at a time Susie, it'll be worth it... 
Love and hope to you.
Hi everyone else, hope you are all having a great weekend  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Susie

I'm here!!

Congrats on the embies        

I don't know if that is a good result or not, having only ever had 5 eggs max to start with   it sounds really good to me.  I don't know enough about cell division to know where they should be by now but I suppose you only need one good one and it sounds like you have got quite a few.

I have everything crossed for you on Monday, I have been thinking about you loads.

I will be away for most of your 2ww as I go on holiday on Wednesday but I will be thinking of you in Fuerteventura and sending loads of     your way.

Lots of love

Lainey x


----------



## SUSZY

Thanks Lainey and Cinders for your kind words
Love to everyone else
You are right about when you are in this kind of bubble and I think until you are here you don't realise the importance of it, I know when you were talking about them a lot of it went over my head but now I am here I wish i knew more. I suppose going to blast gives us more time to think about it.  Its just hard carrying on normally as it were!

Cinders - think I am going to try and take it easy for a few days and then be normal as it were, think its a good excuse to stay in house and not do much, mum is going to do the school run for me a real luxury I know but dont want to get too stressed standing in cold and having to see people but suppose some will wonder what going on.  Think you are right to take some time out and then you will be back stronger, you have been through so much too sweetheart and hopefully your turn will come again soon.

lainey - thanks for being so supporitive after all you have been through and hope you are feeling more positve

i think after a few days of self indulgence this week and next i will be back to writing personals and asking about everyone else.
DH had a few beers tonight as we went to neigbours for belated fireworks and its funny to see him like that, he keeps saying how much pressure he was under!! hope Ang is getting drunk somewhere too.

Gab  - ang much better now luckily, think all that fluid really bloated her up and hope you are feeling ok?
missby - how are you feeling?
pand and dizzy lou - thanks for your messages of support as well - it means a lot
honeyprincess - hope you are ok sweetheart please come back soon
nanook, chimer, sam blue,lyndalou,sazz and anyone else i have missed
Thinking of you all and thanks so much for all the support it means the world
love susie


----------



## missyb

hi suzy thats fab news!!! i have to admit that im not that clued up on it all but from what you've said it all sounds good. this must be a very emotional time for you and im not sure how i'd deal with it all. you are definatley allowed lots of me posts because i think you need to get it all down and it will be good to look back over. your so lovely because with all that you have going on you still want to know how everyone else is doing!!

hope everyone else is good and has had a good weekend.

love you all.


amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just wanted to wish Suszy lots of     for yr transfer...will be thinking of you sweetheart ...take care...xxxxx

Hope everyone is well....love and luck to you all...xxxxxxxxxxxxxGab


----------



## nanook

Hey!! well done you guys!! thats great news!!!

Sorry, but   AF! oh well - didnt really expect any different (maybe just an ickle bit.............)

Have to get on with roast so speak later xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

awwww nanook im so sorry that the    arrived... i was so hoping that she would forget about you for 9 mths!!!     hun. enjoy your roast. im off to make din in a bit.



amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

nanook - so sorry sweetheart, cannot believe how late af is and no doubt you got your hopes up its bound to happen no matter how stict you are with yourself - so sorry   

missby- thanks for your kind thoughts, still think about you all still and you have always been there for me.
you are right it really helps to get it down and probably means more to the person writing it than anything, i have never done ivf before so its all so new to me!

gabrielle - you are always so good writing such lovely supportive messages despite all that you have been through- thanks it means a lot - have you thought any more of any next steps or is it still too raw. 

dizzy and lainey - hope you are doing ok??

love to the rest of you as ever

feeling strangely calm about tomorrow will probably be sitting back in this same seat fire on keeping you girls up todate with the beanies being tucked up inside !!!!  mum is having ds so that will be great although he is so easy, we went to church this am and he was as good as gold and we have had a sunday roast too, rare in this house but its been nice with mum and step father and dh and me been in the same room for most of the day rather than him doing jobs.  mind you have had my ff fix have now been on for 10 days solid and done 620 posts and one of my threads is a chat one whch does not count!! what a gas bag i am.
right girls be back tomorrow think of me at 2pm!
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Susie

We are all thinking of you, you know that  

I have everything crossed for you tomorrow, think nice happy thoughts as they insert those embies, it is not the most dignified process   but worth it if you get the result you deserve.

At 2pm prompt I will be saying a mantra for you and praying those embies stick.

Good luck sweetie        

Angie - we haven't heard from you    I so hope you are ok  

Love to everyone else, hope you are all ok.

Love Lainey x


----------



## missyb

hi suzy!! just wanted to say what a fab picture of you and ang!! it's funny because u look just as i imagined!! how strange is that!!!


2pm will also be saying a mantra (at work in the loo) maybe we should make one up on here and then we can all say it for you!!    

how are you lainey?? hope all good honeybun.

im super hormonal today... think witch on her way and i think i'll be a much nicer person to live with once she is here!!! would like her to fly past me but doubt that'll happen!!


lots of love to one all


good luck honeyprincess for tomorrow...xx thinking of you.


amanda


----------



## *Lollipop*

dont want to be doom and gloom...basically not happy with clinic at all and the way they managed this cycle (its a long story)..so much that complaint letter is going in and we turned down our follow-up appointment...we have now decided to make one tomorrow so will wait and see...We do not think we will be going back to that clinic for treatment and have decided to go further afield..where hopefully we will be treated a bit better rather than just a patient number and it will be a bit a lot cheaper aswell ....anyway.....all the best for tomorrow suszy like cinders says take it easy now and just deal with every day as it comes thats the best way to get through the 2ww  ....xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Nanook - sorry AF arrived.  Damn that witch  

Gab - sorry your clinic are rubbish.  Tell your aunty Lainey all about it  

Susie - hope you're having an early night, if you can sleep at all that is  

Sending                                    

And hoping for loads of                

Love Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

What a busy day on here!
Susie, will be thinking of you and sending you lot's of     for 2pm tommorrow. Love the photo. You both look great! By the way, was just wondering what face cream you use?!!  

Lainey hun, you are just so supportive and so very lovely!! Have you started packing for your hols?  

Nanook, you must have had your hopes up, only to be dashed. Our bodies are just so cruel. Evil old  

Gab, I seem to have missed the plot re rubbish clinic.   What's going on? Tell us what's going on, and we might have something useful to add.

Missyb, hope your hormones don't play you up too much. Keep everything crossed for you.

You ok Pand? Missing your weekend post. 

Samblue, you still out there? How you feeling?

Love to all,

Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

just a quickie as flying out the door
have two georgous text book blasts and thats a quote from the hossie
we are over joyed grade 4aa and 4ab!!!
three possible frosties they are just keeping an eye on them
Pand is fine she is just very busy she will be back soon
dh going mad have to go
love you all and thanks and will be back later


----------



## cinders35

Hope you are taking it easy Susy, and all went to plan.
Little blasts all tucked up where they belong...how do you feel?
    
   
Love to everyone,
Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Woooohooooo!

I thought about you at 2pm precisely today Susie and willed those little embies to stick     

How are you?

Love to everyone

Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

I just wanted to pop on and say hey to the PUPO lady!!!   
I hope the embies are all snuggled up in their new cosy home xxxxx


----------



## nanook

Well done Suzy n Ang

Thanx for your support every1 ................  Went to M&S yesterday to get my darling boy a pair of school trousers (as he has gone through his already, after just 1 term!), and walking through the girls clothes section I just so longed for a little girl to dress in all those lovely clothes!  Then I hit the boys section, all wooly scarves and gloves - now I long for either, yet again!  Blast this rubbish!

love to all

xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just popping on to say...... ...to our little....PUPO lady...Suszy...all the best sweetheart will be keeping everything crossed for you honey              , take it easy ok and just enjoy being PUPO now!!!!!!!!...I really hope this is it for you honey..you have been through so much xxxx.....Angie..you are really an amazing lady and I really hope God rewards you in his own way......lots of love....Gabxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

What does pupo mean?  

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

hi lainey!! glad you asked that as i dont have a clue... i pm'd you hun..   


love u loads xx

GO SUZY & ANG!!!!!!


----------



## A.T.C.C

Pregnant until proven otherwise xxxx


----------



## SUSZY

sorry sweets its an FF term as in PMA postive Mental Attidude !!!!

Thanks so much for all your support as ever girls I so appreciate it.

We actually went in at 2.50 (did feel you all thinking about me at 2pm and wish i had said they would probably be late but thanks so much)in the end so the blasts have been snuggled up in their new home for 7 and a half hours.
I feel great and ok I should be in bed but need to update everyone and am half watching I'm a celeb!
It feels amazing to be in this position and I am so grateful to Ang for her part in providing such wonderful blasts (I really think the fact that there was so many eggs has been a real advantage) 

We saw the embrologist and she said that the 2 or three for possible freezing have improved and they make the final decision tomorrow morning (more waiting for a phone call) and she showed us the paperwork for the embies and you could see that the 10 and 9 cell ones had done well all the way through.  They were kind of rushing us a bit after making us wait so I asked for 5 mins like the counsellor had suggested and its just as well we did as it gave angela more time to get there, she had been held up so she popped in for 5 mins with lovely flowers and a card and a good luck kiss and card, she had to go for her kids but it was lovely to see her and she looked amazing.

The actual procedure was quite uncomfortable and he took by his own omission a bit of time to get to the right place but once he did we had small talk about what we were doing later that day! (We had already said how lovely Angela was!) the actual insertion of the blasts was quite quick and I kept wanting to peep just to get a glimpse of them as they had said there were no photos or anything, would have loved to see them under the microscope but don't think was an option.  Anyway the other embrologist had to check the catherter was empty and it was and so now they are on board mother ship and I feel great.
Yes I know I should be in bed and am going in a mo!

I wanted to thank you all again for all the support and obviously the wonderful Ang for all she has done for me and my family.

gab - thanks lovely for your supportive comments esp after all you have been through and I wish you so much luck in finding a better clinic, it is so annoying that they keep us hanging all the time, although I like Bham they have not been that informative and a lot I have found out of FF,  just keep plugging at it darling and hope things go your way soon.

lainey - hope all is ok with you- i seem to have dominated so much not sure how you are feeling at the mo, when is the next scan?

dizzy - hope you are doing ok.

missby - hope you are ok sweetheart, and your hormones have settled?  its so hard isnt it every month just not knowing.

nanook - i know the shops are so hard as they are full of lovely baby clothes esp girls and every shop seems to do them now, i am sure you turn will come sweetheart and so sorry your body played tricks on you

cinders - hope you are ok sweetheart and I am doing great thanks feel really good just a little tired but am going to bed in a mo and having a lie in tomorrow as ds at mums!! also meant to say that Pand said to say Hi she is snowed under at work and a bit stressed but she will be back at the weekend -she misses you all and sends her love
( i would love to have anyone elses mobiles if any going!)

samblue -hope you are ok

honeyprincess - hope you are doing ok

lots of love to everyone else and i will back to normal again soon.
thanks for letting me be so self indulgent this last week or so - do appreciate it.
Will be posting stuff on the 2ww ivf diary if and when I feel anything although from most things I have read am not really expecting any until the second week.
So appreciate all your support.
love
Susie


----------



## lainey-lou

Susie, you make me laugh. You just couldn't resist those personals, could you?

I am sending loads of         for your little ones.  I am so excited for you, I can't tell you.  Your journey has really kept me going over the last two weeks or so.

I hope those embies are settling into their new home tonight.

Grow little ones, grow big and strong.

Love to Angie too    You are so lovely, turning up with flowers and a card, like you haven't done enough already  

Night night all.

Love Lainey x

                                                               

Phew, I'm exhausted now!


----------



## lainey-lou

Hey girls

After all the excitement and euphoria of the last week, I am afraid my message is not good news.  I have had another mm/c  

A scan showed no h/b and a reduction in the size of the embie so it was no longer viable.  I have had an ERPC and the consultant has said he will analyse the embie to see if there is a chromosomal abnormality causing my m/cs.

Feel very sad and empty.  Knew it was too good to be true  

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

babes im so sorry xx i have tried to send you a pm and it keeps saying that my session has timed out and losing all ive written. i know that you are going away soon so that will give you some time to get your phsysical strength back. i really hope that you and dh are coping as well as can be expected.

thinking of you.


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

omg lainey I am so sorry darling    - you have been so supportive to me and not said a word through all of this
i am so very gutted for you darling and am so so sorry  
i just cannot imagine how you are feeling after all the worry and everything it is so unfair to have put you through all this          
i was so hopeful for you sweetheart and don't know what else to say
i am thinking of you and sending you pos energy and vibes   so so sorry
feel so upset for you   

i am relieved that they are going to try and see what is causing the m/c
i wish there was something i could do or say 
we are here for you
thinking of you
love
susie


----------



## nanook

Lainey honey I am so sorry  

My heart goes out to you and I am sending you ALL my love  

 
I wish I could make your hurt go away sweetheart. x


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,

Suszy, so pleased...PUPO!!!!Yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!    

Lainey...                     
                          
                                      

You are the most selfless, caring thoughtful person. But I'm so glad that you have told us now, so that you can get the support you deserve.

Love you all loads,
Cindersxxx


----------



## Jo1983

Hi all I'm new on here

Good luck to you all my fingers are crossed for you!      

I have a 4 year old son conceived naturally and have been ttc for 3 years with no success, I have just had my 1st appointment at the clinic and have a cyst on my right ovary. Waiting to go back on the 4th dec to check on the growth of the cyst and will hopefully get an appointment to have my tubes checked and cyst removed.

Not really sure what wll happen as I'm all new to this.

Any advice would be extremely helpful.

Love to all xxx
Jo


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey - so sorry to hear your news sweetheart. Im sending big hugs to you darling    the pics dont look big enough so let your imagination make them big and cuddly and comforting cos thats what id like to send.
Be good to yourself and take care, love Ang xxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Lainey...dont know what to say.......                    ...take extra special care Im thinking of you.. 

Suszy...thanks for your kind words im hanging in there... 

Cinders and Missyb - you would think that they would tread carefully if they were looking after nurses 

P.s thanks for the PM Missy ...it really makes me feel that we are justified....follow up is 26th of November so will see then.....I see the endo cons Tues nxt week...so hopefully some more answers...xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks everyone.  I am ok.

I am off on holiday in the morning, a week in the sun  .  Much needed.

I will miss you all.  Am planning to do lots of sunbathing, eating, drinking and probably crying  

Susie - I will be thinking of you while I am away and willing those embies to stick.     

Jo - welcome.  I look forward to getting to know you when I come back.

Love to you all

Lainey x


----------



## A.T.C.C

Lainey - enjoy the sun sweetheart and cry as much as you need to xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Thanks Ange, love you  

Lainey x


----------



## lyndalou

Hello Lovelys

Suszy    Congrats 2 little blasties on board! Hope there snuggling in Have everythingcrossed for you!
            Well done Ang  

Lainey    Oh hon i am so very sorry. Life is just tooo cruel. To get that BFP and then have it all taken away is just too much to bare.
            I hope your holiday helps you through this very sad time. thinking of you 

Nannok    I know how you feel hon. Just got Af too and that little bit of hope just gets washed away again 

Gab        I think your doing the right thing about your clinic. Clinics make so much money and they need to know where they are
              going wrong. Good luck with it x

Welcome Jo

Hi to all my other ff sorry no more personals but love and luck to all


----------



## SUSZY

evening girls

jo - welcome - you have come to the right place and we are a friendly bunch and the thread is quite busy but you will soon get the giste! good luck with tx.

Lainey - try and have a wonderful holiday - it all sounds good and i hope you manage to enjoy it as much as you can no matter what your heart is saying- sorry about your af- thanks for your support- Pand sends her love and support to you and will be in touch soon.
sending you lots of   

gab hope you are gearing up for your appts good luck

missby- how are you sending you some  vibes

honeyprincess   you gone quiet again honey

nanoook hope you ok  

chimer how are you 

samblue- hope you are ok

Lyndalou - thank you for your kind words and sorry i missed you on my personals (there is just so many of us!)

cinders    thanks for those smiles they are lovely and all your kind words after all you have been through

Just to let you know Pand is up to her eyes in work at mo and is missing you all and will be back soon

love and luck to the rest of you and take care and good luck
i think i had better go soon or you will be telling me off although i have had a long lazy day today, we had a call around lunchtime to say there are 2 blast frozen but the rest had to perish sadly.
one little story before I go I have been telling ds and showing him pictures of eggs/sperm/blasts explaining we are not telling lots of people as there is a long way to go before the baby is properly formed etc and it was our family secret but he could tell this one girl and her mum he decides today when mum picks him up that he wants to go to this group we always go to and have been meeting with since they were bumps she leaves him there and comes back and is jumped on by two girls saying is susie pregnant? and she said we wish and they said ds had said mummy has a baby in her tummy - we don't really know what he said afterwards ie there is a sperm and an egg which mummy was given by her friend Angela who makes jewellery and there might be 2 or 3!! who knows and if I show too much interest they might wonder ! anyway although I wish he had not said it think he was so excited by it as he had just kissed my tummy and said hello to two blasts! dh and i keep laughing about it and dh says its inevitable but its just this is the group that I told everything to last time including having to use donor eggs and I was not ready to say anything  asyet as don't want lots of questions! anyway what is done is done and wonder if i told him too much? so hard isn't it with our little ones.
take care
love
susie


----------



## Jo1983

Hi all

Thanks for the welcome messages, lovely to know there are people who I can talk to who will actually understand!  

I am overwhelmed how many of you there are on this thread so I will hopefully get to know you over the next few days/weeks.

Can anyone tell me how I get back to this thread please, without looking through the index.... I'm still trying to work out what everything means on here so please bear with me  

Love to you all
Jo

xxx


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!!!

there has been so much going on on here that i dont know where to start.

lainey.. have a fab time on hols.. like ange said, cry as much as you need. will be thinking of you. 

hi suzy.. how are you feeling sweety?? hope those little embies are nice and snuggly. it's difficult to know what to tell ds.. but it's fab that he is so excited.

hi ange.. how are you doing hun??

welcome jo!! i have no idea about all of the technical stuff but you'll find us!!

hi honeyprincess... hope all went well on monday. thinking of you hun.

hi gabs... good luck on tuesday.. i think they should tread carefully with all of us!! i was so insensed when you told me what occurred.. hope all goes well on 26th and keep us posted with how you get on.. xx

hi cinders!! how you doing hun?? caution from the peestick   duly noted!!

hi lyndalou hope you are well hun xx

hope you are all well. d-day is fast approaching... i have a feeling that the witches arrival is imminent. i have bad back and tummy ache... ah well.


take care

amanda xx


----------



## lyndalou

Amanda      no AF       stay positive


----------



## cinders35

I can't keep up with you guys!!!! You are so busy     !!!!

Not got much time for personals, so better type fast!!!

Lainey, happy hols hun. Hope you manage to enjoy your time with your family, and start the process of recouperation.  

Suszy, sending you     for stickyness!!!

Ang, you starting to get back to normal? 

Going to go and check out your diary later!

Jo, welcome aboard! What you can do to get here, is click onto "show new replies to your posts" underneath the welcome message at the top right hand side of the screen. If anyone has posted since your last post on here, then daily messages will come up, and you can click onto it. Me not so technical either  , but hope this makes sense. You can also set up your profile, by clicking onto "profile", which is the 5th box along near the top of the screen. You can write in what you are happy for people to know about you and your situation. Then each post you make will have this information at the bottom of the post in pink writing. Check out everyones. That way people get to know you a bit quicker. It saves you having to explain your situation over & over!!
I'm sorry you are having the same troubles as us!! But I think everyone here will agree that this place has been a great source of comfort, and we all seem to try & help each other through the rough bits!!!!
You are right, it is such a relief to "speak" to people who truly understand!!
So good luck with the technical stuff, and welcome!!!  

Hi Lyndalou, now that I am posting I can't see your profile, and I can't remember where you are at?!   Will have to check later.

Missyb    . The caution is official!

Nanook, sorry about stoooooopid af!!!!!    I am so despondant at the moment, that am not even managing bms at the "right" time! We only managed once this month!!!!   It was on day 8, so highly unlikely to concieve. But I STILL can't help but play mind games!! What if I ovulated early etc!! 4 years of ttc now. Month after month, it does your head in doesn't it?! I know going through treatment is stressful, but we shouldn't underestimate how difficult ttc naturally is. So, big     Nanook!!!

Hey Gab, well I don't really know the full story, but yes, you would expect to be treated well, at LEAST!!!!   

So gotta go, dp home and no dinner on the table!!!!   

Love cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
just a quickie as think i need to get to bed earlier 
am thinking of you all as ever  
just watching an old taped making a baby and it raises so many emotions ,they are often saying on here all the things we keep saying to each other .
lainey thinking of you and hope you have a good 
love to the rest of you love you all
I am feeling fine have done a little more today went for lunch, picked ds up from school and went to parents evening - where told he was doing ok better at some areas  - i also asked if he had been saying anything at school re the tx/baby after him blurting it out at a group yesterday - she said he had said mummy has a baby in her tummy and when questioned by the other kids at said not yet though ! he obviously is excited and probably was not wise to give him all the info i did but i wanted to share it with him.  Seems a few hve been asking re whether i am pg at school obviously because ds said stuff to their kids and due to yesterday, am a little bothered by this as wanted to keep it to myself after everyone knowing my every move last time wanted to be more private and now they will all be looking at me esp when ds said my tummy was getting bigger when I have lost a few pounds!  anyway girls will be back tomorrow
love you all and please keep positive - I know its hard and you all have helped me so much and I so appreciate it and having these little embies tucked up inside is a lovely feeling and I am feeling more confident because I know that due to the wonderful Angela the eggs - now blasts are more than 10 years younger than mine would have been resulting in less risks! I just wish I could share this feeling with you all.   
will be back tomorrow with personals
love
susie


----------



## nanook

Hi guys, lovin you all lotz x


----------



## cinders35

Cxxx


----------



## missyb

hi all!!!

just a quicky!! love to all (glad you got an earlier night suzy!!!)

hi nanook.. im trying to stay positive but i was a bad girl and did a test... bfn im afraid!!!

hope you are all well.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Was just about to do a     warning, and checked on here....
sorry for your bfn missyb  . It doesn't get any easier does it?   How you feeling? Stoooopid question really, sorry.  
But on the peestick front,     you bad, bad girl!!!!!!
Love to all,
Cindersxxxx


----------



## missyb

WHINGE ALERT!!

to add insult to injury i typed up a long moany post and lost it!! knocked over a glass of water and then somehow managed to turn the broadband off!! arrrhh.. cinders hun i know you know how it feels... we all do. im just going thru a bit of a im useless as a woman.. phase.. how difficult can this be.... i know people who have frantically taken the morning after pill because god forbid they are soooo fertile... and then there is li'l ole me... i could shag the county and still not be pg... someone said to  me today... are you and dp still trying... whats wrong.. its odd that it hasnt happened!!!! arrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh


ok  im sorry xx


amanda xx


----------



## Guest

Has anybody told you to 'just relax and it will happen'?That really does my head in. Regarding shagging the county, I feel quite the same. Ironic that in my early twenties, I got pregnant at the drop of a hat, how things can change.

Lots of    and   

Nikki


----------



## Guest

......Sorry I'm not really supposed to be on the secondary board as have no live birth record......but have been pregnant 3 times though.....

Nikki
xxxx


----------



## missyb

aw hun im so sorry..    dont worry you post where you like... im a bit of a ff floozy as i post wherever i feel like it... the next person who tells me to relax is going to get stabbed in the eyeball!!! lol (im only joking xx) 

amanda


----------



## nanook

Hi Missy sorry for your bfn - bloody bodies - whats up with us  

Nearly the weekend anyway ladies - who's got anything exciting planned??  x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls

cinders -hope you are ok sweetheart   

Missby -   so sorry sweetheart and we were all so hopeful.  you made me laugh about the stabbing in the eye bit!  Just  been watching that Make me a baby from earlier in the year and its quite good as has been following the ones that it does not go so smoothly for and they have covered the multiple m/c, the constant ttc and testing, icsi etc and I must admit have been impressed.  Sorry sweetheart but I think you are so expressive in your typing and I can so imagine you knocking the water over etc etc - think we have all done that and things all seem to go wrong together.

Nanook - love to you   

only sam-  welcome you are very welcome to stay on here (its only we write about our other ones freely on here and we don't want to offend others if that makes sense)sorry to hear what you have been through   when I first came on site I would often random post sometimes stories just stick out and you cannt help but reply.  That is how I met my donor Angela!

lainey hope you are healing in the sun and warmth having fun a
gab and honeyprincess hope you are doing ok
pand hope work not too bad and that you are over the worse
love to everyone else hope you are all doing ok

quick update from me, had quite nice day til met dh on the road as i was returning from another lunch out to be told that the school had been trying to phone us but we were both out to separate lunches with no phone and they did not phone my mum for some reason so when we got there it was about an hour and a half later, dh was worried about me and told me to stay calm (for the beanies not me) so i took some rescue remedy to calm me down but it looked so terrible.  There was this huge bit sticking out and i was very upset although the nurse said she was not too worried.  We took him to a&e to check him over and after 2 hours we were allowed out.  It was a real concern and poor dh has hardly done any work this week.
When we got back after a macdonalds i lay on the bed as felt bloated and ds lay with me and then he started stroking my tummy and then my hair and saying are you ok mummy - ' can I get you anything' and I said to him I should be looking after you as you have the bump on the head and he said no I want to look after you.  How sweet this that.
As i lay there with my big fat tummy which I have had for a long time I kept thinking how these 2 grains of sand were in there hopefully doing their stuff but wishing it was smaller.
Seem to have bloated up since stopping the d/r inj - actually quite liked the effect they had on me and lost a few pounds by being on them.
Then managed to lock myself off FF which is so frustrating and I have read 2ww gen thread and 2ww and there have been so many bfns and a lot from blasts and its got me a little down from being so postive from a selfish point of view as well as feeling so terrible for everyone its just so unfair what everyone has been through/going through.
Have been feeling pos despite not symptoms not that I expected any just yet.
take care my lovelies
look after yourselves  
hope you the rest of you are doing ok- must get to  bed earlier but might have nice lazy day tomorrow as might keep ds off as don't want him doing pe or playing outside which takes up half the day!


----------



## cinders35

Hi,
Busy busy, dd birthday party tommorrow....another acceptance yesterday. Despite rsvp 09/11!!  
There is so much to do, what with party bags etc...or perhaps I am just rubbish at organising!!?
MIL on her way back in bus as we speak.   .....
I am clever techno dude, as have bought dp digital photoframe for birthday (official b'day day after dd!) . It arrived from Amazon this a.m and within an hour I had uploaded/downloaded (not sure which!!!   ) a variety of photos to get him started. I have to say am feeling rather pleased with myself!!!!
Probably won't make it on over the weekend, hope you are all ok. So sorry for how pant's you are feeling missyb.  
Hang on in there Suszy, it's fairly torturous the 2ww, emotional rollercoaster an understatement. But you are doing so well... 
Lainey, not out of sight out of mind, hope you are coping.....  
Gotta go and clean house before visitors arrive...roll n lap & dye, at least I will get some rest then! And some writing time for my course!!!!!
Nanook,  . 
Love you loads,
Cindersxxxx
Hi onlysam, all welcome! Think we have "met" around the boards before. I certainly recognise your "name". Not quite placed you, will have a think!


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! the b i t c h arrived today in all her glory. having the sick sense of humore that she does she came just after i'd done a hpk!!! i shed a few tears (and alot of snot) but i'm feeling happier now... ive decided to give it a miss for the next couple of mths... i cant face the disappointment each mth.. i'll still be on here though.. anyway im waffling.

hi suzy... how is ds hope you are ok hun.. glad i made you larf... lainey says to send you her love and that she is thinking of you!! the wonders of modern technology eh??

hi cinders how did the cake turn out?? hi nanook i have nothing exciting planned for the weekend.. do you??

hi honeyprincess, pand, lyndalou, angie and all our ladies xx


love amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
just a quickie from me tonight girls

thanks as ever for everyones kind supportive words.
I am feeling better today and kept ds off school he was fine but did not want him to do PE or go outside and we had a nice day chilling in the morning and out in the afternoon and mum came with us.

Missby   so sorry sweetheart, its just so horrible month after month isn't it - think giving it a miss and enjoying the next couple of months as much as you can is a good plan.  Send lainey some love     and hugs back by text please and pand esp sends her love (from the other day)  hopefully she will come back and post over weekend after her hectic week.

Cinders - enjoy the party tomorrow are you having it at home or in a playbarn, you sound very organised.
We keep thinking of getting one of those digital frames for people from christmas - can you pm me or on here which one you got and what you think of it as think its a great present.  Is the laposcopy the lap and dye (I have had the dye test)  but think that lap thing might be a bit like what ang had at ec ?? let me know what it is and cannot believe you are looking forward to it!

onlysam - you look georg on the picture
Cannot remember which one of you girls said how wonderful we looked and what face cream we used Ang said to say it was Photoshop!!!!!  think I might have had a couple of wrinkles faded!  Have always looked a bit younger than my age, a pain when you are a teenage and early 20s but quite handy when you are 43 and can get away with late thirties!! but have noticed over the last four years more lines and my skin sagging a bit!

jo - hope you are doing ok  

nanook hope you are ok sweetheat 

love as ever to Honeyprincess, Gabriel, Chimer, Lyndalou,my Ang, pand and lainey and dizzy , samblue and anyone I have missed.
Not much else to report really don't really feel any different perhaps more sensitve boobs occasional twinges not sure if imagination. Really don't expect to feel much until next week. I am being positive again though, we are in a strong position, I have young blasts and 2 frosties and have a lot of support from dh who being a love and my parents and my wonderful ffers esp you lot and my de newbies.
take care everyone
love
susie


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

I'm SO sorry I haven't posted for ages.  As Suzy has told you, last Friday we had the phone call from OFSTED!!!! AGHHHH!!!!  So I worked last weekend and have just finished a twelve day run of working from the crack of dawn til late in the evening, but it was worth it... I was observed teaching by the lead inspector and he told me I taught and OUTSTANDING lesson!!!  Yey me!  It has been the most stressful experience ever and I'm glad it's over cos I've missed you guys.

So much has happened on here I don't really know where to start and I haven't got a pad and paper so I may forget some of the personals I wanted to write.

Suzy -  Your skin is as lovely in real life as it is on your picture so don't be so coy!  Nearly halfway through the 2ww now hun.  You are bound to have days when you feel negative because you are too scared to get your hopes up.  I'm really impressed that you have been so positive!  Sorry to hear about little ds.  Hope his head is feeling better.  Hang on in there hun and keep counting down the days.  Thanks for posting my apologies on here!

Lainey - I have pm'd you.  I hope the holiday has helped a little.  I am absolutely gutted for you.  Message me if you need to chat.

Lyndalou - How are you doing flower?

Missyb - and anyone else trying naturally.  I'm completely with you.  As yet we haven't had much tx (apart from chlomid) and the last two years have been spent on that flipping monthly rollercoaster!  I hate that old witch and she always arrives.  Every time I feel just that little bit more desperate.  It chips away at you doesn't it?

As I said I forgot to make notes today so I've forgotten what I wanted to say to everyone else (goldfish!).  But I do want to send my love to everyone and tell you all I've missed you loads the last couple of weeks.

As for me, had a complete meltdown on Tuesday night after coping so well with everything lately and threw every book/opk/ivf notes in the bin in temper.  Then yesterday, the girl at work who was pregnant at the same time as me had her twenty week scan and announced she knew the sex of the baby.  It knocked me for six and I broke my heart crying when I got home.  Ah well.  We've only managed bms once this week (of course ovulated the night before ofsted came in!) so I'm not holding out my hopes too much for this month.

Hi to Niki and Jo (new girls!).  Hope you get the hang of all this and find it as much of a support as we all have.  You are welcome on this thread whatever your circumstances!  As for people telling you to relax I am SOOOOOO with you!  What's relaxing got to do with it?  We have infertility problems, half of us have bits missing, eggs not working etc.... so how is bl****dy relaxing going to help?!!!  I think we should make a list of things not to say to people ttc and who have m/c.  It could be quite funny!

I'll start the list off:

If you just relax a bit it might help.
It will happen.
At least you have your son.
At least you know you can conceive.


Please add to it!

Lots of love to all.  Will catch up again over the weekend.

Pand


----------



## moominemma

Hi all, 

Sorry, since 'coming out' on here I have been a bit rubbish at posting. Tried to do the whole 'just don't think about it' thing this month (yes, I have had all that well meaning advice from the fertile people too and want to do horrible things to them! ). However not worked as af has arrived yet again. Had a rubbish week last week - one of those where you find out everybody is pregnant. Even discovered an old friend from work has just given birth to her 4th (her oldest son was born the same day as my daughter!). I'm not actually sure I envy her that much though...must be incredibly hard work!

Sorry to read your news Lainey. I hope you have a wonderful time away on holiday. 
Have been keeping up to date with your treatment Suzy, hope you are relaxing and I hope you get the positive result you obviously deserve.

Must go, husband is nagging me to get out of my pj's (I'm not lazy, just at work last night).
Best wishes to all,
Emma x


----------



## nanook

Hi guys

Suzy the thought of your ds stroking your tummy and being so sweet brought atear to my eye - Id love for my little boy to experience the feeling of having a baby brother or sister in his mummys tummy before he gets much older and stops being so sweet!  you are so lucky now, you have a very special thing going on, although I know I dont need to tell you that!!   Glad your ds was ok in the end....

Have done nowt all weekend - havent even been out! the weathers crap and tbh I just cant be arsed - been playing with the kittens. One went the other day which was a bit sad but now they are into everything and I just want my house back!!! its all gone a bit mad and is driving me insane!  My front room smells all the time, Im spending £15 a week in bloody cat food, not to mention litter, Oust, Cat litter freshener etc - plus I want to get my tree up, and I can cope with one kitten climbing up it but not 4!!  The people who want them can get them between now and Christmas but Ive had to hurry them along as really I want them out within the next couple of weeks.......  They are all so very cute though, and Im sure Ill miss them !   

Anyway must go and get ds out of the bath and dinner on!

Hope you are all fine and dandy and Ill be back on later today no doubt.

Love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## chimer

Afternoon!

Hope ur all having a good weekend. It's rainey and wet here, a good day to stay in! 

I'm off to a bday party with ds soon and I'm dreading it. It's for my friends son and she's got a 6 month old as well. There'll be others there with 2 kids younger than mine and I'm dreading all the baby talk! I'll have my fixed grin, happy face on all afternoon! No doubt i'll have to fend off the "I thought you would've had another by now" & "you're better off with one, coz it's such hard work" comments (add them to the list Pand!). I HATE feeling all bitter and jealous, but I can't help it - this has turned me into a psycho!!

Af is here as well, which I expected, but I always hope I'll be proved wrong.

Anyway, enough of my whinging!!

Lainey - I was saddened to read that you had a m/c. It's so cruel on you and not fair! I'm crap with words, but send a massive  . Enjoy your hol as best you can. x

Jo - Hi, you've come to the right place. The girls on here are great!

Suzsy - It's so exciting to read your posts!!! I'm sending all the sticky vibes I can to you!! Glad ds is ok after his bump. 

Ange - What can I say? You're an absolute star for what you have done!! 

Nanook & Missyb - Sorry af is with you guys as well. Sucks doesn't it!  

Nikki - Hello! Sorry to read what you've been through. Good luck for seeing the Consultant this month x

Cinders - Happy birthday to your DD. Hope the party went well!! The photo frame sounds a good idea!

Pand - Well done for doing so well in your inepsection! You sound like a fab teacher! After all you've been though it must be great to get an "outstanding" comment!! I'm on the ttc naturally roller coaster too.

Emma - Hi, sorry af has got to you as well x

Right, i'd better get reeady for the party ordeal!! Sorry if I've mised anything important, as I've rushed through this. 

Hello to anyone I've missed and a BIG THANK YOU to you guys coz you all make realise I'm not alone in all this XXXXXXXXXX

Lou x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

how are we all doing??  there is sooo much to catch up on!!

hi susie how are you doing?? you are always in my thoughts.. im sending more    your way honey xx
hi ange how are you doing?? 

hi pand..fab to hear from you. the good thing about being on here is that we know how each other feels... i loved the idea of listing things that the fertile freaks say (not that im bitter)!!! 

(1) your turn will come (when)

(2) i never had that problem with mine we just did it and that was it!! ( well boo sucks to you!!)

(3) just relax and it will happen (already covered but soooo annoying it was worth mentioning!!)

(4) do you think you're trying too hard (WTF!!) sorry tourettes syndrome moment!!


im sure i'll add more when i think of them!!


hi lou.. hope partywent well and wasnt too traumatic!!

hi nanook how is it going with the kittens dp is desperate for a kitten and so are the girls but i know it'll all come down to me in the end!!!

hi emma how is it going a day in pj's sounds fab to me!!

well im dreading going back to work tomorrow... nearly all of my patients are all barking at the moment and a long day seems sooooo much longer... i hope you are all well.

amanda xx


----------



## nanook

Hellooooooooooo again!!

That relax thing gets shoved down my throat constantly and I am gonna SCREAM if 1!!! yes, 1!!! more person says it to me!!! Or the 'At least you've got _one_', which then makes me feel bad for even daring to want another one anyway, like my ds should be enough!!

AAARRGH

LOL 

xx


----------



## Pand

Evening ladies!

I'm so glad you have all enjoyed adding to my list!  We should keep adding to it and one day I'm going to publish a book which we can all hit the fertile freaks with should they start to mouth any of these pleasantries!  

Had a lovely weekend and now its snowing, so fingers crossed for a day off work tomorrow!  I doubt it though.  Took ds swimming this afternoon and of course there was a small baby there.  I hurts physically it really does. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.  But I really am beginning to think that I've had my lot.  Dh and i have been talking about replacing one of our 12 year old cars as there seems little point in holding back on the off chance that we will have any more children.  We are thinking about getting a second hand Peugot 206 Cabriolet.  Ds would absolutely love it.

Anyway, I promise I will make up for my recent absence this week!  Suzy, let me know how you are doing hun.

Take care all!

LOL

Amanda


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

As promised I am keeping a regular check on the thread this week and no one else is on here!

I'm feeling really down tonight.  I saw a friend and her baby today. She had IVF and I can remember her talking about starting her treatment when we were first trying, and there she was today, with her 7 month old son.  I just feel like all of my friends and family are having their children and moving on, leaving me lagging behind like a complete saddo.  I want another baby so badly it hurts like hell, but here I am trying to convince myself that I will be alright if we don't have any more.  Who am I trying to kid?  How long am I going to ache every time I see a small person? How long is it going to hurt like this?  If we don't have any more then is it going to feel like this forever?  I can't bear the thought of feeling like this indefinitely.  How on earth am I supposed to come to terms with everything that's happened?  I'm just so fed up with feeling this unhappy.

Sorry for the me post.

Pand


----------



## SUSZY

Pand darling            
I am so sorry you are feeling down honey, its so hard and I really don't think the long dark and cold and wet nights are helping.
Also you worked so hard last week and such long hours and many congrats on the lovely things the inspector said  = what a great teacher must be and the school must be very proud of you and you must be proud of yourself.  In the end I just said about work as did not know if you would want everyone to know re ofsted - sometimes you forget that this can be seen by 100s/1000s of women (people)!!! We all bash away at these keyboards getting everything off our chests not realsing the person down the road could be reading it all and in my case they can see the photo too! Anyway I wish as ever there was something to do or say to improve your state of mind but we all know how hard it is.  We all kid ourselves that we will be able to move on and I am sure in lots of ways we probably could but I don't think that dull ache and pain will ever go away and even if we do get that elusive BFP - we cannot erase the pain that we have all been through these last few years. I think as ever the only positive is that we have all met each other and we all know exactly how the other one is feeling and we can write all our emotions and feelings down and we all totally understand each other and you don't have to worry about upsetting people by talking about our existing one.  Its a long hard road sweetie and all I can say as ever is that we are here for you.  I am sure this time next week you will be writing to me with supportive comments (although my postive side hopes you might be congratulating me) but I have no idea about the downer I might go into if this fails - it was a year ago today that I had my official bfn from my failed IUI and I then went through a very dark few months and don't really want to go back there.  anywy sweetheart hope you begin to feel a bit brighter soon.  When you first wrote about your car I thought you were talking about selling one of your 12 cars    my dh is driving around in a p reg peug  206 and its been a great car but each year he says its the last- the peu 206 soft top would be wonderful, good luck in whatever you decide.
Perhaps you should start a thread with the list of things fertile people say to infertile people - that way you won't lose them in all our general chat - what do you think??

Missby - you had me in stiches  which is supposed to be good for embies!! about your comments esp the ones in brackets - I think pand writing a book 'What not to   say to someone who is experiencing fertility problems" which is supposed to be 1 in 6 couples perhaps cinders can help.  thanks for your good wishes.

lainey -   do hope you are enjoying your hol and you are missing some really horrible weather - thinking of you as ever sweetheart,

Chimer - I hope the party was not too bad for you at the weekend, I know the feeling and hope I have been through the worst of it as don't think there are many more babies left to be had by the people I come into contact with!!!  We seem to have found a cure to that problem and in the first year of school ds seems to have been invited to less parties than his whole 6 years of life, a lot of the girls are having small parties of five people and if this trend continues he might not get to many.  currently I know two boys are having a joint one and for some reason one of the mums and i are not talking not sure why but have known her a while and helped her out a lot and the other one have know since we were bumps but are not that close and I can already feel myself getting upset if we don't get an invite - note the we!! Luckily for a lot of these parties the second one has been left behind but we have also been left out of a lot of events because we only have the one.  anyway glad to have you back and glad we make you feel more normal as it were as we are all in this together.

moonimema   nice to hear from you again and sorry you have had such a bad week - its so horrible this if game- sending you lots of     

Nanook -  thanks for your lovely comments re ds he is being incredibly sweet and supportive and tonight he would not let me go out and get the logs and kindling because he did not want me to get cold and he helped with the fire - it made my heart bleed - i think he is looking after me as daddy had asked him too in my current state as it were!! it was so sweet, anyway he has been flat out next to me for the last 3 hours think my parents must have really tired him out over the weekend.  I would love to be a fly on the wall if someone did dare say that to you!!!!! 

onlysam - hi how are you doing sweetheart  

lyndalou - hope you are ok sweetheart thinking of you   

honeyprincess      hope you are doing ok??

jo - how are you?? do keep posting - we are here to help and to listen and to share 

cinders - happy belated bday to dd and hope that you had a good party and that your house was not too mad over the weekend and that you have tidied up and managed to put your feet up after all that work, bet she loved it though.  cinders your op is getting closer !!! are you getting scared and nervous good luck 

ang my    hope you are ok sweetheart - sending you lots of love and thanks as ever

well exactly half way through the blasts have been in 7 days and test in another 7 days even though the blasts are actually 12 days old, everyone else with five day blast transfers seems to be testing earlier than me.  This second week is defo harder and its harder to remain positve as every day passes and there is a lack of symptoms, I know its still early days but with them being blasts and possibly implanting tues/wed one might have thought I would have felt something.
anyway i am keeping up and using the   for luck
i am resting up and taking it easy although did hoover again today !
right better post this now
take care my lovelies and the best of luck to you all
love
susie


----------



## Pand

Suzy,

Thank you hun for such lovely words when you are going through your own turmoil.  I'm sure I will pick myself up again tomorrow.  As for your little blasts I am desperately hoping they have tucked in and are all snuggly ready for a long stay.  I don't even want to contemplate the negative side, and I would give anything to be congratulating you next week.  I will be like a cat on hot bricks for the next week.  You have done so well to be so positive this far.  Sit tight flower.  From everything I have read everyone always feels really negative in the second week of the 2ww so it doesn't really mean anything and I had no pregnancy symptoms with Tom Tom earlier this year until after my due date.  I don't want to raise your hopes but don't despair just yet!!!  I completely understand why you are so scared of going back to the dark places you have been, but if the worst does happen I will cling onto you and do my damndest to bring you back and haul you out of the dark pit.  If the best happens i will be hopping around my house like a mad thing.  Thanks for answering me tonight.  I needed to speak to a friend.  

Love to you hun.



Pand


----------



## nanook

Pand - sorry you are feeling down - everything you said is how I feel most of the time although I try and keep it together for everyone elses sake - its so hard.  You will feel better shortly you know that, I wish I could be your fairty godmother and grant you a wish! xxxxx

Suzy Im really not as scary as I sound - honest!! haha well, maybe sometimes........... Logs and kindling hey! sounds like you live somewhere really lovely! xx

Ill be on here later so hi everyone else and love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I just noticed I left the y off of fairy and it read fairt godmother, hehe lucky I spotted it hey!!


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!

sorry for my absense.. yet another long day at work... i have to admit it was a really awful day and i couldnt wait to get home... i did have a peek on here but i knew i'd be incoherant!

hi susie! how are you hun?? a week untill testing.. omg!! i will be counting down the days in my head and praying for you. it was funny but i spoke to one of the girls today on the other thread.. we were talking on the phone for 1 1/2 hrs which was fab.. she said that there has been a diary that really inspired her and it was yours and ang's it wasd funny because i found myself going i know her!! how weird that over the last 8 or 9 mths that ive been on here i feel that i 'know' people... anyway im waffling again. glad i made you laugh.. it's the best medicine for you and the embies (hee hee trust me im a nurse!!)

hi pand... how are you feeling honey?? i know that you are in a dark place at the moment and i wish i could say some magic words to make you feel better. all i can say is that rain or shine we will be here with our candles to help guide you thru it. between you and susies post im close to tears.. and think it's just because the emotions that you are both feeling are so raw and you express them so well (and still show concern for others).   

hi nanook hows it going?? good job you didnt put farty godmother!! some of my admin errors were 'dear sir or madman' and 'dear brain' instead of brian.. needless to say i wasnt very good at an office job!!!

hi cinders how are you honeybun??

hi honeyprincess.. thanks for the pm glad you are feeling a bit better if not a bit doped up (yipeeee). thinking of you hun... i have been a bad girl but it was just a hiccup!

hey to onlysam,chimer,moominemma and anyone else i have forgotten xx

amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls
Well I am feeling shattered tonight and a bit down, ds decided he wanted to sleep in our bed so when I went up I found a pile of wet pjs!!! I just put a towel on it  but could not sleep properly due to the lights being on and knowing dh was working til late, at 2am he came up to bed and i told him about the bed so he sorted it but was shaking the bed so much I had to get up as he would have shaken those blasts out of me!!!!! Anway I also knew had to get to town at 9am for the dentist so kept waking every few hours thinking of EC and ET - you know how it is.
I had meditation today which was good and went to tescos and got some more healthy food and found a fab remote control beetle car which is gigantic and was half price at fifty - sure dh is going to go mad so might give it to him and ds - its huge and we will be able to operate it from the house whilst its in the garden!! 
My PMA seems to have evaporated but there are quite a few in the same boat.
The 2ww is so horrid!

missby-   hope you are feeling ok after your af and having your hopes dashed - you seem to work such long shifts - hope you have time for you as well.  Yes I cannot believe its a week to go  - thats a lovely story about the diary and I am sure Ang would love to know I will tell her to look on here unless you fancy dropping her a pm as it would make her day.  One of the reasons we have both written it is to inspire others.  Yes i was thinking about that when you were making me    could do with some more of that now!
I know what you mean about 'knowing' people and its a lovely feeling, I was telling my mum about all the girls the other day and its so nice and makes up for the fact I have lost quite a few friendships in real life and seem to fall out with people!  I think the longer we are on the site and the more we explore we come across the same people and its nice.  How is honeyprincess - can you send her our love and ask her to pop back soon.

lainey - hope you are enjoying your holiday sweetheart 

cinders - good luck for the 22nd - you must be up to your eyes in it what with sorting the party and visitors at the weekend and then getting ready for the op.  good luck sweetheart and thinking of you as ever  

Pand-  hope you are feeling a bit brighter today and no worries about letting it all out on here - as you know its something we all do and its so lovely that we are all here to help and support each other.  Hopefully things will start improving and you can look forward to having a lovely close family chrimbo - its getting closer.  Thanks as ever for your kind comments. I so hope tht 08 is your year darling and that you get that long awaited bfp and no more heartache.  Thanks for supportive comments re 2ww you are right of course.

Nanook - I know you are not that scary its just funny how strong we feel about some comments - I just feel at the mo I don't want anyone to know my business and am upset if they talk about me when that was probably me a few years ago.  It would be lovely if we could all be fairy god mothers and wave the magic wand for each of us but all we can do is spread lots of    and hope one day soon we all get our dreams.  Yes sweetheart we do have a lovely house and a log burner and its wonderful and so cosy warm the only down side you don't want to go any where and its hard to drag yourself away or be in the room without it!!!!!!  I know I am so lucky in lots of ways as I am sure we all do its just we want another baby.!!!!!

love and hugs to everyone else and onlysam and jo please keep posting as we need to get to know you more too.

just a bit of idle chatter - well not sure if you believe in coincidences but today I bumped into not one but two boys (now 40+ men) that I went to school with!!!!  One outside the dentist at 9am this morning and the other at school whilst I was doing the book fair!  t
They had both aged but then so have I - I said to ds I went to school with those boys and then corrected myself - anyway it was nice to them and remember my life again age 14-18- they were the days!
take care my sweets and speak soon.
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

ps page
Nanook/missby  Pand has started that other thread re the annoying things that are said - can you add yours as they were so good and funny.

nanook sorry I did not mention the kittens the other day I bet they are so cute but such a handful!!!!  you will be sad to see them go I know but at least as you say you will have your house back.

missby - notice you have been bumped up one on your bubbles - someone told me the other day there might be someone who can put it back for you - the same has happened to me have gone up 10 but thought perhaps I needed an 8 for luck in it.


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

Thank you all for your lovely comments and support.  It really helps being able to talk to you guys.  No-one else really understands my pain and I feel like a moaning minnie when I talk to them, but I know that on here everyone can relate to what I'm feeling and will listen and be there for me.  I'm still feeling very down (cried last night and tonight) but there's not a lot I can do about it.  I just have to accept that some days I'm okay and on other's I'm not.  Nanook you said about feeling like it for most of the time and about hiding it up for other people's sake.  You're so right.  That's exactly what I do.  But sometimes I really wonder why I bother!  Anyway, less of me.

Amanda - I have to say, and I'm not sure if I've said this before, I have the most immense respect for nurses and the job that they do.  Having spent a substantial amount of time in hospital over the last couple of years, I can honestly say that I think the nurses who took care of me were absolute angels.  I' m sure, having been in the police and now in teaching, that you hardly ever get thanks for the work you do, but it's a tough job, with long hours and constant demands.  Nurses are marvellous, underpaid, kind, caring people, and I just wanted you to know that!

Suzy - what would I do without you?  I'm sorry you're feeling so down flower.  Maybe the tiredness isn't just because of the sleepless nights?  I'm sure that every day must be dragging and next week must seem like forever away, but every minute that ticks by you are closer to knowing and here we are through another day.  Only six days to go now.  As I said before, I think every diary I've read on the 2ww diaries, talks about feeling negative in the final few days of the wait.  I'm not sure if its hormonal, stress or just the awesome fear of things not working out, but it is perfectly normal and won't affect the outcome in any way.  So vent your feelings, stop worrying about everyone else and just let rip.  As for friends in the real world, hun we are the real world.  We might only be cyber friends, but we are all probably more real than any of the friends who have dropped off along your way.  Why anyone would desert you is beyond me, but quite honestly, they are not worthy of your friendship.  The problem lies with them, not with you, so cut them loose and don't let it hurt you.  I will be waiting with baited breath for all of your updates this week.  Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Hi to everyone else.  

Lainey as soon as you are back, I'm here if you want to talk.

Love Pand


----------



## nanook

OMG I cant beleive I still put fairty - what a plank!! 

Susie I I didnt mean to imply that I meant you were lucky for what youve got, sort of thing, I hope it didnt come across like that..... I know we're all in the same boat here as to wanting another one. I know you prob wouldnt have read it like that but just wanted to be sure, ya know! 

Ill add the comments onto that other thread for sure, along with people asking me if i know when the 'right' time to try is, and then going on and working it out for me, like I wouldnt have a clue (Ive only been doing it for nearly 5 years after all!), or maybe like one 'girl' who told me its _obviously_ down to my diet(??)!!

LOL

xx


----------



## nanook

Hey, Missb, when I was working in admin I very often put Hamp****e instead of Hampshire by mistake!  Luckily I always spotted it before it went out (I think -  ) haha xxx

Love ya x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! how are you all?? i hope you are well. ive been a lady wot lunches again which was fab!


nanook! your hamp****e thing made me larf!! do u think it was a subconscious thing?? lolxx

hi cinders... how are you honey? good luck for tomorrow.. i will text you as you havent been on here. will be thinking of you tomorrow.

hi pand... how are you feeling today? you are so right. you are going to have good and bad days.. eventually there will be more good days than bad.. maybe down the line you will suprise yourself and have a bad day where it creeps up on you out of nowhere. all i can say is thru the rough and the smooth we will be here. xx   
btw  i'd so rather do my job then yours hun.. yours is soooooooooo much harder... i couldnt cope with that many childeren and some of the horrible parents you must get, and all the offsted stuff!!! anyway, i swear too much to be a teacher!!


hi suzy!!! aw hun i know the2ww is awful and i cant imagine how much worse it is for you after all you have gone thru to get here.. dont worry if your PMA is waning.. we have enough for you          
                
i will pm angie..me and rachel spoke about what she had done for a while and she was just amazed at the sort of person that ange is... is she ok thank you for the idea about the bubbles.. ive decided that i dont mind my numbers being touched. if people care that much about me and want to wish me luck/love and a few cyber bubbles than thats cool!!!

i must reply to honey princesses pm.. im sure she will be peeking on here to see how we are all doing xxx


hi to everyone else... esp, onlysam,moominemma,emilycaitlin,honeyprincess, and chimer!!

love amanda xx


----------



## A.T.C.C

HI Missy, im ok thanks honey.
I still pop in and see how you're all doing.
I hope everyone is well and for those of you that need a hug        If i could send real hugs to you all through the post i would xxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ang!! ive pm'd you honey. thank you for the hugs.. i dont know if it's just the time of year or what.. lots of people are feeling under the weather either physically or emotionally/mentally. to add ttc on top of it and all the trials that brings makes it even harder!

love to all 

amanda xx


----------



## dizzyloo

Hey ladies, just wanted to pop in and say hello. I'm so sorry people are feeling down, it's all so bloody unfair that infertility seems to happen to such nice people. 
Had second scan today and they are growing well and it's fairly certain that they are identical.  Just remember miracles do happen and don't give up!!!

Love and baby dust to you all


----------



## nanook

Wow, dizzy - identical! thats really fab. glad thingsare going good babe, thanx for the baby dust. xx


----------



## missyb

hey dizzy!! fab to hear from you!! identical.. thats amazing.. thank you for your message, it does happen and we just have to believe it will happen for us!! after convincing myself i am not going to try this mth i went on ebay and bought some pre-seed!!!   

hey pand i added some to your thread.. have just re-read it and i sound like a mad woman!!


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening Girls
I love you all so much, what would I do without you- I feel so lucky to have met you all and Pand you are so right you are all real people- you are all wonderful people and we all understand each other.

missby - its lovely that Ang knows how much we all think of her - I so want this to work for her too and I want to help her promote getting more donors.  what is preseed darling  - am I being silly?  just about to go over to Pands thread - we are all mad in a nice way Missby!  I wonder if ang will post on the diary again.  i love being a lady that lunches ocassionally - not sure if i could do it every day but its great fun!!!  you are a lovely person and pand is so right about your job.  we are here for you too.  glad you like the idea of the bubbles as don't think people realise the significance of the 7777s. reading back to an early post of yours i know once i got my head around having a break from ttc it was a nice feeling as one is so relaxed and can enjoy chrimbo. thanks for the pma esp after you have so recently been through it.

cinders - good luck for tomorrow, we are thinking of you and hope it goes well - we know you are busy and will come back when you can. we miss you

pand - we are all here for each other and that is what is amazing about this site and we all do it for each other at different times and that is what is so lovely about it - i really dont know what i would do without this site and you and the others.  it would be hopeful re the tiredness except I have been going to bed very late - hence like now and I always seem to be tired, thing is i have been out for a meeting yest and had an early meal tonight and its nice to be out but I just love coming home and feel i need my session of the laptop and ff, i'm a celeb - get me out of here and the fire and until i do i don't get to bed, my dh has been watchig footy all evening and then when i get back he goes in to do the pc and we only speak for a minute!  so sorry about your swimming incident the other day, its always going to hurt sweetheart and don't know what we can do to get around it other than to think it might be us one day and well be tearing our hair out with two and perhaps when it is we will be looking at the cool calm person with one child realising they might have been envying us.  However having said all that I often look at babies swimming and wish i had one.
sorry did not mean to say you were only cyber friends as I hav spent more time talking to you lot that anyone else.  thanks for being my cyper buddy/ies !!!!!!  We are actual the normal now as there are loads out there these web sites that offer support whatever the subject (found one today whilst looking for something in devon for a friend and it was for parents with ill children and dh spends a lot of time on the campervan forums) we are all just here for each other

ang- we love you!!!

onlysam   

moominemma  

emilycaitlin- how are you - hope you are ok   

honeyprincess   

chimer!!   

jo   

lainey - we miss you and hope you are having a good hol and that you are feeling better - not that its going to go away that quick

nanook - i never took what you said the other day the wrong way - i think we all need to remember sometimes just that little nudge and we are all here for each other .  I am always typing the wrong words by mistake!

dizzy - wow identical sweetheart - how amazing, just take care of yourself and take it easy and yes so happy the miracle happened for you darling you so deserve it!  thanks for popping in.

sorry its a bit uneven - and sorry if left anyone else
look after yourselves
love
susie


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!! how are we all??

i got a txt from cinders who said she has been v busy over the last couple of days as he goddaughter has had an appendectomy and she has been helping with her brother (i think i got that right.. i stoopidly deleted the txt by mistake!!) she sends her love to all. good luck cinders with the lap n dye.. i will be tapping your brain for info as im going for mine in a couple of mths.. xx 

hi suzy how are you doing today hun... hope embies are lovely and snuggly.. pre-seed is a lube that helps if you have a lack of cm.. it is supposed to have lotsof things in it that aid sperm thru the cm to get to where they need to go.. apparently it's like iceskating sperm!!! ive learnt so much from lurking on here im sure we could all qualify in obs/gynae!!


i have been catching up with a friend today which was fab and im one of the few people that she has told that her and dfwould like to try for a baby... she is 42 and has had her tubes clipped.. she isnt sure if she will need ivf/icsi of iui... i've told her about the site and i said i'd ask about as im not fully sure which is best for what situation  

hi to all my lovely ladies on here


lots of love


amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Just a quick one!

Suzy - I never meant it to sound like I was telling you off by the way (about the real friends thing).  I know how you feel about all of us and especially me.  There can be no question you count us a close friends, I was just trying to make you feel better about the stupid people who have let you down along the way.  Their loss hun.  Hope ur ok and counting down the days.  I'm sure you don't want to get your hopes up, so I will do it for you and be impossibly positive then hopefully you can return the favour one day!  Love to you flower.

Missyb -  Have just read your addition to my "comments thread" and laughed out loud nearly spilling my wine!  Thanks for cheering me up and making me laugh so much!  You are a true star and have a wicked sense of humour!  You should write a book!

Nanook - Am thrilled your little ones are ok!  Identical twins eh?  Double trouble!  Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy, you deserve it.

Lainey - Are you back yet flower?  You may not feel much like talking if you are, but we are here if you need us.  Chat when you are ready.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## nanook

Hi Pand -

Im assuming you got missy b and me mixed up, unless you know something I dont (?) ha ha dont worry... 

If the comment about me is that you think Im funny than thank you I appreciate that and Im glad I made you smile, my lovely xx

Hi to all the rest of you's.

xxxxxx


----------



## missyb

hi pand!! glad i made you laugh hun.. i re-read it and hoped i didnt sound like a bitter and twisted loon!! i think i will write a book and dedicate it to my ff's... i will do the rounds.. jonathan ross and parky and promote my book!!


dream on!!


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

ha ha I just read it and you were obviously on about MissyB cos she made me laugh my socks off too - and what I put wasnt really that funny actually - ha ha I think I must be losing the plot too cos I couldnt remember for the life of me what id read - anyway I havent got twins either so its not just me going a bit mad hey!!  haha


----------



## Pand

Nanook,

I am a div and am on second glass of wine!  Sorry I meant that bit of my post for Dizzy!  

LOL

Amanda


----------



## nanook

haha no worries babe xx


----------



## missyb

pand that sounds fab.. i'll have a large glass of white wine and some kettle chips as im a posh bird!!


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
you are all so funny and I love the thread Pand and all the edtions are brill and do think you should write a book missby!
Still no serious news, had bit light red blood yest morning and nothing since, still don't feel anything and its 16 dpovul and 11 days dptransfer (and other 5 day blast transfer people would have tested by now) i am holding out til tomorrow so we can all wallow around all day.  I have had ds off for 2 days with a bad chesty cough so that has been nice but i do recognise my behaviour from last year, perhaps keeping him off a little too much and have already set in motion a counsellor when I took us both to the drs yesterday. I went zooming down last year and don't want the same to happen - i suppose as a means of self preservation we look toward the next cycle and we will do FET - not sure where we will get 2k from.  dhs car is on its last legs and hardly starts every morning and christmas is coming which is always expensive.  That Angel lady the other day said i would have a good christmas!!!! i so hoped this had worked (as we all do I know girls)

Has anyone heard from Gabrielle recently she seems to have gone very quite and Honeyprincess
Samblue has gone off again - we miss you all and I still wonder what happened to people like kelway?

pand - thanks as ever for you kind and supporitve comments, its means a lot and I did not think you were telling me off- it just suddenly made me realise how true you were and how i spend more quality time with you lot than I do others!  I so appreciate having you all here for me and each other.  you all do mean a lot and its amazing how close we have all become.  You glass of wine sounds good !!!!  You are sounding a little better sweetheart, I know I shouldn't but I always feel better when I hibernate in the house for a while and appreciate the good things I have like a lovely warm house with wonderful view, lovely sweet ds who cuddles his mum and a caring dh even if he finds it hard to show me sometimes in the ways I want but gives me this wonderful life and does not ask for much in return.

missby - thanks for the update from cinders (how did the op go) i love those kettle chips and have been missing the wine!
a book dedicated to FF would be fab, i would love to accompany you around Parky and go about my successful donor conceived preg from a wonderful person I met on here but might have to wait for the FET.  sorry don't have much info on sterilsation other than think someone has started a thread about it and I know Debs who posted on here a long time ago got a bfp after a reversal which she went for rather than ivf but I think ivf or icsi would be a good option.  thanks for the info re the lub!!! I know what you mean about your knowledge becoming increased I feel so empowered now!

nanook- hope you are ok sweetie, what are the kittens up too.

dizzylou- look after yourself and your precious cargo - bet you cannot believe it every day - we all still want to know how you are getting on.

lainey - we miss you and just hope you have had a good holiday and rest.  take care sweetheart.

ang- we love you!!!

onlysam  - what are you up too - please come back and chat  

moominemma  - hope you are ok sweetheart    

emilycaitlin- how are you - hope you are ok     

honeyprincess  - we would love to hear from you   

gabrielle - hope you are ok sweetheart -   

chimer - what are you up to   

jo  what are you up to   

not much else to report darlings
hope you have a good weekend and will let you know when there is anything to tell
shame I only got to enjoy a week of being pupo before reality set in.
heres hoping to the FET
as ever sorry if I have missed anyone and hope some of you come back soon.
love
Susie


----------



## SUSZY

Back again, have just been and cut and pasted the list from back at the end of May and think it was edited in July
you can see a lot of us are still around but a few of us have gone, I think there has been a few bfps and a couple of births
(believe pips baby came quite early did pm her but not heard back)
Anyway heard any more from TC2


kelway
linchick  
sarylou  
suszy    
keira      
maz      
gabrielle  
Honeyprincess  
TC2          
pip34        
pand        
kazvan      
emmyloupink  
jakesmum      
lainey lou        
kitty                
jo                    
sazz              
drownedgirl      
mrs chaos        
missyb                
Debbie1810          
bel                      
cinders                
clairead                
hollie22  
clairead          
bek
ba
dizzyloo
nanook        

where are you all??  

Also saw a message I wish I had not which was DG saying she tested 12 days past ovul and it was a negative and that in a good preg there should be some levels showing then well as I am 16 days past don't hold out much hope.  Her path and mine have followed quite similiarly (well me following her) so hopefully it will be the FET that works but I so thought with going to blast that they would this time and we have he risk of them not thawing and there are only 2 to chose from.  Not sure I can stand the waiting for the phone call.  I know I am speaking like its all over but I would feel something now if they had implanted last tues/wed like the embrologist said. sorry to go on!
take care
love
susie


----------



## cinders35

Hi everyone,
Have been reading for ages, so much to catch up on, I can hardly remember what to say!!!!
Pand, I'm sorry you have been so down, hope the wine numbed it for a bit?! You mentioned a few posts back that you had cried a couple of nights. Crying isn't such a bad thing as you know. I cried one evening a while back, and dp tried to console me & asked me why I had cried that particular night, what had set me off? I tried to explain to him that I feel that sad all of the time, I am crying on the inside all of the time, but sometimes it spills over, and I openly cry. The truth is secondary IF stinks!!!! Going to go and check out your new thread, and see if there is anything left to add!!!  
Suszy, this is by far the hardest time of the 2ww. The torture of knowing all your hopes cold be dashed next time you go to the loo, well I really will have cheered you up now!!!! I just want to know that I understand how hard it is, sorry I haven't been here for you, but I hope to be here now as birthdays and operations are over (more about that later!) However have 3 pieces to write for course before 30th. Yikes!! I don't think you would necessarily "feel" anything yet, so don't give up yet.    
Talking of fertility friends, you have all given me so much strength since I first arrived. This would have been so much harder without you. I don't think I can express over the page how much you guys have come to mean to me. But thankyou.  
Lainey, how you doing sweety? (Lainey is back, but can't log on for some reason)  
missyb, thanks for your support hun, love ya! When does new job start? Will your hours be more regular?/shorter? Long days just exhaust me, too old for them!!!!
Nanook, how you doing?   
Ang, are you all healed now? Hope you are doing ok. Must be stressful time for you too.   
Dizzy, lovely to know things are still going well for you. Forgot to check your profile...how many weeks are you?

Hello to everyone else, so sorry if I have left you out. Blame it on the anaesthetic, still recovering!!!!

My catch up, was dd birthday party at weekend. Had it in village hall. Was due to start at 3.30pm. At 3.25pm I looked around, the food was laid out, the balloons blown up, candles in the cake (I made FANTASTIC dinosaur cake , even if I do say so myself! Just call me Delia, no Nigella, defo more sexy!!!!) We had remembered to bring a knife to cut cake this year, so wouldn't have to hack into my wonderful creation with a pen-knife as in a previous year!! The clown was setting up in the corner, I had cleaned the toilets.   There was nothing left to do, all organised. Maybe I should consider a career move to "events" planning?! So I thought I would have little brush up ready to calmly meet guests. Went to loo, put on lip gloss, was fumbling about in handbag for hairbrush (must clean out handbag!) when ... CLUNK. I continued fumbling in the dusky light for a few seconds, before I realised that this was bad. Never mind my hairbrush, the village hall had been plunged into darkness. I went out to main room, where ever helpful MIL told me the lights had gone off. You don't say!!!  
We all started desperately looking for the trip switch, I felt a mild panic, who am I kidding, a god almighty panic, as we couldn't find it and there were locked cupboards, and the guests were arriving!!!!
I had forgotten to bring the caretakers phone number, so grabbed my keys, dashed through the excited children arriving, and drove like mad woman to caretakers house. Desperately hammering on the door and window to his empty house, he wasn't in!! I shoved a panic stricken note through his door, got back in the car and drove back. All the time trying to calm myself, and come up with an alternative plan. Think outside the box you know? Candles? Torches? The party was looking fairly bleak in a dark, cold, village hall on a Saturday afternoon in November. No light, no music, no heating....
As I turned the corner, I was met by the light, the bright, glorious light. The trip switch wasn't behind a locked  cupboard door, but behind where the clown had set up her things. The party was back on. I really thought I had everything covered, but in one foul swoop my future career in "events planning" was in shreds. I guess I learnt to expect the unexpected, and the lesson for you lovely ladies when holding parties for your little teasures....don't!! Or if you have to, locate the trip switch when you arrive at venue. What caused it to trip? The clown had plugged in her bubble machine which had accidentally got wet. The rest of the party went well, I was just edgy, and not the calm yummy mummy I had wanted to portray!!!
This is getting long, so gong to post it and continue...


----------



## cinders35

Sunday was dd's actual birthday, her card that I made was read out on milkshake at 07.20am, so precisely nobody but us saw it!!!! What sane person is up watching Milkshake at 07.20 on a sunday morning?! We were thrilled, but dd a bit freaked!! Didn't see much of card, but did get a good look at her lovely photo! We have taped it.
Went out for lovely family lunch, but were all pretty tired after Saturday party.
Monday was dp's ACTUAL 40th birthday, though as you know we celebrated that a few weeks ago. We opened presi's before school, and had a lovely m&s seafood platter thing in the evening. Low key, but no babysitters, and enjoyed having the house back to ourselves! MIL gone back! Did I mention was going to take dp to see Meatloaf as part of birthday celebrations? Concert was cancelled as he has cyst on vocal cords. So I owe dp a concert of his choice at some point!

Then my poor little goddaughter was taken into hospital very poorly   with ? appendicitis. They decided to operate on Tues. Think it must have been a bit yucky, as they have kept her in on morphine and IV antibiotics. But she has been allowed home today. They have 3 children, so was a bit of a nightmare organising them. But they are lucky to have supportive family close by, so only need to help out with youngest son once.

That brings me to my most recent event, my lap & dye.
The Dr was pretty much doing it at my request, to put my mind at ease. He had expected to "have a look inside my tummy" and come back out. I liked the way he put that, so much better than we are going so "stick a camera through you, blow up your abdomen like balloon and explore."
I was still quite woozy when he came to see me afterwards, I will see him in 6 weeks to I'm sure he will clarify then.
But I do have endometriosis, and I think he implied there was quite a bit. He had to unstick my ovaries, and my bladder I think. He drained my endo cyst, not sure which side. One of my tubes is blocked, I think he said the right one. So all in all, it was worth doing. It certainly gives me some answers as to why it isn't happening naturally. I don't suppose egg has been getting down the open tube if ovary stuck down. Still we will be able to clarify all this when I see him in January.
As I say, was woozy, not sure I have got my facts 100% straight!!!!
Stayed in hosp last night as didn't come out until 4pm, was too woozy and hadn't peed. Also threw up once!!! Typical nurse   So am bit sore, mainly from the gas. But all in all a bit relieved.
I have sick note for 2 weeks!!! Yeahhhhh!!!!
Love to all,
sorry if this has taken you so long to read!!!
Cindersxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi All, I'm back!!!

Just a quick one as it has taken me AGES to read all the posts.  I will do a me post later.

Just wanted to say to Susie that if she looks back at my posts when I had second IVF, about 3 days or so to testing I posted a very negative message, saying that I didn't feel pg and I thought I had PMT, blah, blah, blah, and I got a BFP.  So, don't feel it is over.  The slight bleed could be implantation.  I have everything crossed for you and have been thinking about you while I was away.  Lots of love to you.     

Cinders - glad the op went well.  Does clearing the endo help with natural conception or do you definitely need IVF now?  Hope you feel less sore soon.

Pand - thanks for the pm.  I will reply later.  Sorry you have been feeling so pants, I have to say I feel a lot like you at the moment so totally understand everything you said.  Hope you feel better soon.  

Missyb - thanks for the messages while I was away, they were much appreciated.  Sorry AF arrived.  It never gets any easier does it?

Welcome to onlysam.  Post away, all are welcome here.  

Dizzy - glad those bubbies are still growing.  Keep posting, we like hearing from you.  

Nanook - how are the kittens?  

Ange - how are you?  I hope you are feeling better now.

Hi to chimer, gab, honeyprincess and everyone else I have missed.

I will be back later when i have got through the mountain of washing  

Love Lainey x


----------



## cinders35

Glad you have managed to log on Lainey, happy washing! Even worse...ironing!!! 
Cindersxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just popping on to say....Good luck for tomorrow suszy will be thinking of you.....  

Glad lap and dye gave you some answers cinders...no doubt that hot water bottle will be getting used now...

Nice to see you back Lainey...take care....as for me as you will see booked in now for a laser lap...oh that endo does love them fertility drugs doesnt it....!!!!!

Love to all...take care.....xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Girls
2nd time lucky, just wrote you all a long lovely message telling you about my good news OMG I got a a   (but think it might be those smilies that make the msg go wrong)  I am going to have to keep it shorter now.  I am totally over the moon, surprised, gobsmacked, amazed, speechless. I really did not expect it,  dh had brought a cup home from work (approaching it with military precision) and making us wait without looking at it for 4 mins and when we both saw it which just could not believe it.  Tears, mixed with hugs and being totally overwhelmed.  I texted Ang which was amazing and we had a long chat which was wonderful and I thanked her as ever, she never doubted that it would work! she is clever.
We have hardly told anyone as want to go and see my mum when we do, we shared the news with DS which was amazing and we have taken lots of photos and video, at first we were not sure re telling him but he knew we would find out soon and it was lovely to tell him.
I cannot belive that I am PREGANT girls - this is my fourth positive test and lets hope this is the one or two!!!!! I am so excited.
Girls I want to thank you all so much for your support, I listed you out and said special thanks so will leave that for now but wanted to say thanks and that I am here for you and am not going to leave you. I want to be here to support you through the rest of your journeys and be with you when you get your dreams which will hopefully be very soon.
I know this is still a hard time for you lainey and pand and I know you are happy for my news but know its hard too and I so hope you get some good news too and that is the same for all of you.
my message before was so good and wonderful and just right but this is not
i was basically saying how fond i was of you all and how much love and respect I have for you all and that I so want your hopes and dreams to come true like mine and I am going to be here for you every step of the way.
i know my 7 week scan will be 17 dec has have worked that out before - as you do-
thank you girls and i will be back soon to catch up with your news.
all my love
susie


----------



## *Lollipop*

......I knew you were ...dont ask me how...I just knew.......take care Suszy....well done.......xxxxxxxxxxGabrielle.....xxxxxx(Sent you a PM..via Angie...coz yr inbox is full......  )


----------



## moominemma

That is fantastic news!! Congratulations to you and your family!
Best wishes, 
Emma xx


----------



## nanook

Wow!!!!!! congrats babe xxxx


----------



## samblue

Suszy, What amazin news honey!! Everything crossed for you, relax and enjoy it!!  

Thanks for thinking of me btw!

Hi all,
Just a quickie coz i'v been on here for ages catching up with the news!

We got our letter from cons last wek, 'to whom it may concern...' so we can pick which clinic we want to use (if we ever win the lottery that is), still haven't talked to dh yet, still making like an ostrich and xmas shopping like its going out of fashion (p'raps i could ask santa for ivf?).
Know we have to talk about what we're going to do eventually, but can't face making decisions. Can't remember if i put on last post, but dh has given me the impression that he wants to carry on by saying 'you know how stubborn i am, i don't give up on something until i have tried all the options', so no pressure there then, much. 

Know i should do personals, there's so many tho! 
Suszy, again- fab news! all the best sweetheart xxxx

Cinders, reading your post, i know what you mean about feeling sad all the time, you just get on with it tho don't you. I often find it gets too much last thing at night, no distractions i guess, laying in bed sobbing, dh feels helpless so i try to hide it from him.  doesn't seem so bad in the morning tho.  sending you lotsa luv, glad ur op went well and they gave u some answers! keep going chick!! xxxx

Pand & lainey-lou, sending you loadsa luv n hugs, so sorry that you have had bad times, and sorry that i haven't been here to offer support (been in my misery bubble), hope thing are looking brighter and that your xmas is gentle xxxx 

Hi to the rest of you, if we do decide to rob a bank and have a go at ivf does anyone have any suggestions of where to go? Would need to consider costs, success rates, distance - anything else??

Gonna go make cuppa now, and think about wrapping up some pressies (I've half-done xmas   hurrah, smug, bah humbug etc etc)

loadsa luv to you all sam xxxx ps. welcome to pm me with advice of clinics coz know here is gonna be busy with cheers for suszy today!!!!! yippee, hurrah for you!!!!!!! xxxxx


----------



## dizzyloo

Yey for Suzy!!!!
Absolutely fantastic news!

By the way there is a good thread on the perfect twin pushchair should you need it!!!!


----------



## missyb

hey suzy thats fab news!!!!!!                                                             

im so excited for you and your family... your angel ange too... i cant put what i want to say into words but hopefully the emoticons will give you an idea of how chuffed i am! thank you for being there and supporting us... you've always looked out for all of us even though you have your own things going on. 

i will do personals after the weekend and catch up with all my ff's who i love to bits. xx


love amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Suszy and Ang,
You clever girls you!!!!!!!    
I think you should do the rounds, "this morning" "loose women" ! Promote secondary IF, ff and egg donation!!!! 
But I'm guessing you just want to snug up with your family, and your little emby(s) during these winter months and emerge with a lovely bump come spring!
Well done, it's wonderful news, I have a big happy smile on my face!   
        

Hey to everyone else!

Hot water bottle godsend gab!  
Missed you Samblue, stop doing a runner!!!!!  
Love to all,
Going to check out the endo thread!!!!  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hiya

Sorry was a bit brief earlier but im so chuffed for you Suzy - you must be over the moon!!!!  Thanks for being so lovely by the way you always know what to say and you totally deserve this so relax, lay back and just enjoy the ride hunni xx          

Lainey, the Kittens are fine thanks - they are so cute and kind of everywhere at once.... only Three left now and Two going next week so Ill only have Splodge whose the Mum and Peanut whose the one Im keeping !!!! Which, to be honest, as mucha s I love the little sweethearts I cant wait for - Im going to put my Christmas tree up next weekend.....

Can you beleive that I have now, officially brought ALL of my sons Christmas presents, (except stocking fillers)!!!!  .. And its not even december yet! Never before have i been this organised so a huge pat on the old back to me, I reckon!!  

Hi to everyone else - Cinders I really enjoyed reading about the party - thank god you managed to sort it out I bet you were panicking like mad!!  These things rarely run smoothly Ive found, even if you book somewhere and expect them to organise it for you!!!, as I found out to a rather large expense this year!!  Sods Law my Mum used to call it!   

Hi Pand, MissyB and everyone else, sorry but I have the worst memory for names ever so Im not being rude honest, and am getting used to some names..... xxxxxx


----------



## TC2

Wow just logged on and saw your news Suzy..... Congratulations!    


Have had a hard three months hence my lack of posting, was in and out of hosp towards the end but finally had my boys on 5th Nov by section, was a few problems but home now with my perfect miracles.  Elliott was  7lb 5 oz and Mackenzie 6lb 6oz. they are doing great as am i. I am so grateful to you all for your support and urge u to not give up - this time last year we didnt think this would ever happen and we were in a really sad place. 

Anyway now i am back in the land of the living i promise to catch up with you all!

Teena x


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

Suzy - As I have already said in my texts, I am so utterly thrilled for you hun.  You so deserve to be happy.  You are a lovely person and clearly a lovely mum.  Your little ones (could it be three?) are so lucky to have you.  I'm genuinely sorry that you have lost friends along this journey but you have made some other friends who will always be here for you.  Fingers crossed for a happy and healthy pregnancy flower and I'm sure its twins!

Cinders - I'm glad you've got answers from your lap and dye.  Sounds very similar to some of the problems I've had.  It certainly does explain things, but go for it in the next couple of months as that's when I fell pregnant (two months after my lap in May).  Fingers crossed, it is possible.

Teena - Sounds like you haven't had it easy, but it's lovely to hear from you and to know that you are all safe and well.

Lainey - I'm glad you're back and sounding relatively sane.  No rush about getting in touch.  If and when you are ready, I'm here to listen.

Sam - good to hear from you.  Thanks for your kind words.

Hi to everyone else, and sorry if I've forgotten to name you!  I'm hopeless at remembering all I want to write if I don't have a piece of paper and a pen!

Had a good counselling session this week, spent most of it in floods of tears.  My counsellor decided I was still at the sadness/depressed phase of the grief cycle (NO SH*T SHERLOCK!).  But she did have a lot of helpful things to say and some advice which helped a little.  Still feel that underlying sense of overwhelming unhappiness, but I'm not sure if its the loss of my little one, or the IF that's making me so down.  Am really beginning to think that my journey is over.  I feel like it's just not meant to happen for us and that the powers that be have tried to send me messages to convince me and I'm just not listening.  I really have lost any hope that we will have any more children.  So I'm going to try and start living life again. We are definitely going to buy a new car, and I'm very tempted to sell all of the baby things (if only I could get my bum in gear and do a car boot sale!).  

Spent a fab day with ds today, just meeting with friends, visiting family and staying up to watch Robin Hood snuggled on the sofa under a blanket smelling his freshly washed hair.  He is absolutely gorgeous.  I really am very lucky.  Time to accept that what we have is enough I think.

Take care all.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
I've not posted for ages as we've now had to come to terms with never acheiving our dream but I do look in on you from time to time.
The past 11 years have been one helluva rollercoaster for us and hard as it's been, the never ending are we, aren't we...well it's taken its toll and we simply had to call it a day.
We'll always feel blessed that we've both had a child, albeit with our previous partners, but the sadness and emptiness in our lives and marriage that we've not been so fortunate to have that little piece of us in our lives will never go away.

It's still early days and quite raw so we're learning to live with the sadness but life is good, and I am blessed to have found the most wonderful hubby and step-father to my son. 
I'm to be an Aunty again next Summer so that is something to look forward to, although I imagine it will be a time of mixed emotions, I am looking forward to welcoming my neice/nephew as I have the other 2, and let's be honest being an Aunty is fun 

Suszy MAHUSIVE CONGRATS!   you must be so thrilled! Am over the moon for you hun.
Let's hope you're setting a trend for the 2ndry ladies 

Best wishes and love to all
Gayn
XX


----------



## lyndalou

Sorry not posted for a bit. Have been really down lately and just cant get energy from anywhere. Trying to knock  myself out of it because im usually a very upbeat positive person. Just feel teary all the time and the slightest thing sets me of again.
Sorry for the me post ladies. Will read to catch up with everyones news.

Suszy just seen your BFP honey. Thats wonderfull news. Am so trilled for you. Gives us all hope x


----------



## cinders35

Hey Lynda,
Sorry to hear you are feeling poo.    
Don't apologyse for the "me" post. That's why we are all here, to help and be helped.  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Yay for Susie.  Congratulations lovie, we are all so delighted for you.  I am so pleased that your dream has come true.  Please don't leave us.  We are a team now so you have to stay.  

Sorry Gayn that you have come to the end of the road, it is a torturous journey so I don't blame you for giving up.  I wish I could, but some stupid stubborness keeps me going, despite many setbacks.  

Sorry you have been feeling down Lyndalou.  It is not surprising after everything you have been through, you have had a tough year.   

As for me, where do I start?

Had a lovely holiday but, as Sam would say, made like an ostrich.  Since I have been home feel sort of numb, almost too scared to think about things because they are too painful.  Had the odd teary session but just on auto-pilot at the moment, breathing in and out and getting through the day somehow.  Alcohol has been a great help, especially on holiday.

Was greeted by the news when I got home that one of my friends is pregnant.  Wish she had handled telling me badly so I could be angry with her but she handled it well so I have to (begrudgingly) be happy for her.

Yesterday went shopping to Lakeside and bumped into a girl I used to do meditation with.  She is a month older than me and only got married last year and guess what - she was sporting a huge bump.  I couldn't believe it, it is as if I am a magnet to pregnant people.  She lives miles away from me so what were the chances of ever bumping into her?  I wanted to stand in the middle of next and scream "THIS IS NOT FAIR.  I DESERVE A BABY."

I feel useless and stupid.  Like you Pand, I feel all hope is diminishing.  Even if I get pg, I don't stay pg.  Someone must be trying to tell me something.  But how do i stop wanting it?  I don't know if I can.

I just don't know where I go from here.  If the chromosome tests on the embryo come back clear, where does that leave me?  Is it even worth going for donor eggs if there is a problem with my body and not my eggs?

Supposed to be going back to work tomorrow but just can't face it.  Will try to go back later in the week.  Just don't have any enthusiasm for anything at the moment, all I can see is nothingness stretched out in front of me.  

Sorry for the down post, just feeling rubbish.

Love Lainey x


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## fabizzy

Just wanted to say congrats to suzey I tried to send you a pm but your inbox is full!!

Well done and have a wonderful 8 months 

Thanks for the message the other day.

Rachelxxxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi

I'm new can i join you on the daily message thread; not sure of posting etiquette and didn't want to intrude!
Basically I'm 33 DH 30 we've got a DD 5 yrs old conceived naturally (a surprise!) and have now been trying for 3 yrs for number 2. Had tests and nothing found so are in the dreaded 'unexplained' category. Have been doing OI for past 3 months, starting on Clomid but too many follicles so did Menopur for 2 cycles instead, no success   Decided to save money would have used on 3rd OI cycle and Use it for IUI after xmas instead.  Feeling very negative about chances of it working, and generally frustrated. I still can't get my head around fact that I conceived so easily last time and then nothing for 3 years.  Did have a Caesarian with DD so often wonder if that has anything to do with it ( had a read of thread about this). I've been having acupuncture for the past year which has saved me from going completely mad!  My acupuncturist reckons that it is just a matter of time and it will happen - but as you all know it's the not knowing if and when that is so hard!

Faithfullyhoping


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## Pand

Hi girls,

Faithfully hoping - welcome to our thread.  Looks like you live near to me!  Whereabouts in Worcs are you?  Where are you planning your IUI?  We may bump into each other at the same clinic after Christmas!  This thread has been a godsend to me over the last twelve months or so, so enjoy and welcome to our lovely, if slightly barmy world!

Laineylou - Ah hun.  You describe it so well.  That feeling of nothingness stretching ahead. The hopelessness of it all, the injustice and the hurt.  I feel rather like I'm at the bottom of a deep dark pit with no way out sometimes and it can feel so desperately lonely.  It seems like no one else is hurting like you are and no one really understands your pain.  I do hun.  Come sit in my pit together.  We can feel desperate together.  I just wish I could see you in person and give you the biggest hug.  I know what a difficult road you have ahead of you and I wish I could make it easier for you.  I keep hoping that someone will say something that will make me feel better but they never do.  I have cried buckets over the last couple of months and I'm sure you will but it does help and it is a good release.  I've found listening to the new Sugarbabes track "change" is great for setting me off.  PM me if you need to chat flower.  Love to you and urs.

Lyndalou - I'm sorry you're feelling so down too.  This IF lark is just so soul destroying isn't it.  I've taken some advice from a 2ww diary person and have bought a book called the Baby Trail by Sinead Morioty (or something like that) and am finding it midly amusing.  It's bringing a smile to my face so it may do yours!  Worth a try?

Suzy - love to you as always.  Hope you are feeling really nauseous and tired so that you don't fret about symptoms too much!  

Cinders - You are lovely. Thank you for your PM.  Have PMd you back.  Thank you. 

Hi to everyone else!

Lots of love

pand


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## emilycaitlin

Hi Girls, it's time for a new message board!!!!!!!!  Please go the new home!!!!  I'd do a link but my computer won't let me I'm afraid!!


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