# Egg share worries



## Devon Ems (Apr 20, 2006)

Hi all

I'm new to the site and have a few egg share worries,

I'm 31, have had 3 natural pregnancies when i was 17,21 & 23 never had any problems conceiving or during pregnancy. These pregnancies were when i was in a bad relationship and i was sterilized at age 24. I have re-married to a great husband who also has 3 children naturally. It makes us sound greedy but we'd love a child of our own. I now feel older and more in control of my life, I very much love my children and have grown to love my husbands children too.

I tried to have my sterilization reversed on the nhs with no success and had been eagerly awaiting for an appointment to go to see someone privately. The appointment came through and i had my first consultation on Tuesday. I was very surprised when the doctor said that rather than having my sterilisation reversed i could have ivf and even more surprised when they said I'd be a great egg donor. Even though I'd looked at this in the past and always thought I'd certainly do it i do have a few worries and i was wondering if anyone out there could ease my worries. 

I do have a list but if anyone can answer any of the questions I'd be most grateful.

My husband and i have to have the normal tests on day 1 and day 21 of my period and his sperm needs to be checked. I have no real worries about these tests as we have both got a proven track record what i do have problems with are:

How long the process takes? The doctor said it would be really quick if we egg shared because of the amount of people who need eggs. But how soon is quick?

I do not have any hereditary factors although allot of women die in my family of cancer although it is not in the same place so it is not classed as hereditary, could this be a problem?

One of the biggest is that i smoke. I feel a lot of couples wouldn't want to egg share with a smoker and i would find it near on impossible to stop whilst we have all the stress. Ive certainly thought about giving up and as soon as i get that BFP i certainly would give it my best shot.

Could the eggs be used for medical research etc rather than helping a couple have the family they've always wanted?

I have already thought about a child/children coming back to me in 18 years and I'd certainly be prepared to talk him/her/them through why i did it. so it's not a problem but it does worry me slightly. 

If you have any thoughts they'd be much appreciated and if anyone else is at the same sort of stages and would like a friend it would be great.

Thanks

Emma


----------



## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi Emma

I can see why, with three successful pregnancies under your belt, you have been advised IVF egg share. You would make an ideal candidate.

To get all your tests done can take as little as 3 months. From when I did it you had to have 2 HIV tests at least 3 months apart (not sure if things have changed). Other than that, the rest of the tests can be done more or less straight away.
After that then the only problem is matching you to a recipient. Providing there's not problems on the test results and you are fairly easy to match this should happen quickly enough and your clinic will proabbly be provisionally matching you up while waiting for your results so you can start as soon as they come back.

I think if they disqualified anyone who had lost a relative to cancer then most of us would not be allowed to egg share. It's worth discussing with the consultant.

Not sure about the smoking. It might affect you being matched with a recipient if they were not keen on having eggs from a smoker. You will probably be advised to give up in advance of treatment anyway so it might be a good idea to use this as an excuse to quit if you want to now. I know (from watchign DH try and fail a few times) how hard quitting can be but you'd be surprised how big wanting a baby can be as an incentive to make you do something.

Don't know much about using eggs for medical research. You would not get your IVF at a reduced rate as you would as an egg sharer but you can still elect for any spare eggs/embryos to be used for research.

You will get an opportunity to talk to a counsellor before you start treatment. They will make you aware of all the legalities and possibilities with dondo concieved children and how this might affect you. You will be given a lot to think about and can discuss this with them at any time. Can't really say how you're going to feel about it because everyone is different. I think, if you can handle it, then it is worth doing. If it's going to mess with your head thinking about children being made with your eggs belonign to someone else then you might not be suited to egg sharing from a purely emotional point of view. You also have to consider the children that you already have and might have as a result. They would, technically, have genetic siblings out there somewhere and may need to know about this.
These are all things to think about and discuss with the counsellor.

If you want to join in, there's an egg share general chat thread on here.

Good luck
C~x


----------



## AirmansWife (Apr 30, 2006)

How long the process takes? The doctor said it would be really quick if we egg shared because of the amount of people who need eggs. But how soon is quick?

From getting an application to actually making it to egg retrieval was six months. As soon as all my tests came back they matched me up with a couple. Now my egg buddy, as I call her, did have a procedure done that bumped us back one cycle, plus she wasn't ready to proceed at the first baseline so we were extended two weeks.

I do not have any hereditary factors although allot of women die in my family of cancer although it is not in the same place so it is not classed as hereditary, could this be a problem?

The clinic should be able to make a judgment call on this one. I believe they only asked as far back as grandparents&#8230; maybe it was parents&#8230; If you have had any close relatives die from cancer like sisters, first aunts, cousins, or grandmother, than maybe you should call the clinic (anonymously) and ask them about it.

One of the biggest is that I smoke. I feel a lot of couples wouldn't want to egg share with a smoker and I would find it near on impossible to stop whilst we have all the stress. I've certainly thought about giving up and as soon as I get that BFP I certainly would give it my best shot.

I believe my clinic (Bourn Hall) will not take you as an egg donor if you are a current smoker. I know if you smoke on the day of egg retrieval, for your own IVF, it will be canceled.

Could the eggs be used for medical research etc rather than helping a couple have the family they've always wanted?

To my understanding clinics have to be very precise in what they use our eggs, sperm, and embryos for. I filled out forms saying what could be done with my eggs and embryos. I made certain none were used for research. I believe with the need being so great for egg donors right now there is no way they would even ask to use some for research. Not to mention that every egg collected is precious to you and your egg buddy's chance at conceiving (no extras).

I have already thought about a child/children coming back to me in 18 years and I'd certainly be prepared to talk him/her/them through why I did it. so it's not a problem but it does worry me slightly.

I worried about this some too, but once I started the meds for my IVF, I really wanted to meet the lady I was giving my eggs to. I was excited that after waiting so long to get pregnant we were both about to get our chance.
One thing about a child coming for answers is they will already have seen your green forms that have your greeting letter explaining why you chose to donate and the letter all about you. Basically meeting you 18+ years later is just to see who you.

If you have any thoughts they'd be much appreciated and if anyone else is at the same sort of stages and would like a friend it would be great.

I know every woman is different, but I'm guessing that once you get past these first couple of months you will be glad you are donating eggs. For me the hardest part of the whole process was during the time of having the green forms. My husband and I both shed a lot of tears anguishing over what to tell a child which resulted from donated eggs and embryos.
Now that I am in my 2ww, I am not only glad I donated, but also wanting to donate again. If we have twins on this round (which we would love) than I may straight out donate next time meaning two women would split my eggs.

I wish you the best and hope it all works out for you.


----------

