# Early days, but feeling low!



## weemoofrazz

Hello everyone

First a wee bit of background info. After totally exhausting 3 week intro's during which we travelled 2000 miles and spent hours upon hours driving, we finally brought our two boys home two weeks ago on October 8th. 

We had a complex intro schedule as both boys were placed in separate foster homes 15 minutes appart, the boys are 6 and 2 yrs 10 months old. Both have developmental delay, our youngest is pretty much a year behind in every way, he looks like he's just about to turn 2, is in nappies and isn't as yet properly talking. Our oldest is chronologically 6 yrs but is actually more like 4 years old in almost every way. Our oldest boy, I'll call him stuffy, has a significant speech disorder and is difficult most of the time to understand. He has learning difficulties and attended a 'special' school before being placed with us. His needs are far greater than we ever told about and we realised this very quickly into introductions, that said we really felt a connection with the boys, the little one (I'll call him timmy) especially. 

We have had a major issue with education services and SS over schooling for stuffy and even after he moved to us we couldn't tell him what school he would attend as the boys former SW totally neglected to make arrangements for him, there is obviously a lot more to it, but surfice to say too much to go into. The boys new SW had only ever laid eyes on them once. During intro's we and the 2 sets of FCs very much felt that we were basically going it alone, we never once heard from or saw the boys SW, our SW or any support workers. We have seen the boys SW once since they were placed and it totally derailed stuffy after she left! 

My big issue at the moment is that I just don't seem to even really like our oldest, stuffy. I love spending time with timmy but I'm almost at the point now that I dread any time alone with stuffy. He has some significantly challenging behaviour (of course a lot of it to be expected), but it is becoming very difficult for me to keep my calm and composure some of the time. I know he's testing boundaries and of course I know from his perspective just how difficult and confusing this is for him.

Yes, I know it's very early days at two weeks in but my DH said to me tonight that he was worried about me and that I wasn't at all like my 'normal' self. I have thought about things a lot, I know that as well as the boys going through the grieving process, so I am in a way too. It's hard to admit though that the majority of days just now I wake up wishing we could just have adopted timmy! 

Our SW is off on long term sick. I called SS last week for some advice re day time wetting as stuffy went through 12 changes in one day! A support worker is coming out tomorrow for a 'chat'. The problem is that you can't really get a chance to talk to anyone with the boys there. If the weather is okay my DH is going to take them outside to play, but the support worker said that really the boys should be present so she can assess how well they have settled in! 

We have a large support network and there is almost always someone calling every night to see how things are. The trouble is that none of them have adopted and the parents among them just seem to chuckle and announce 'parenting is hard work', no s**t Sherlock is what I feel like saying. Trouble is they have no concept of what it's like to cope with stuffy and his trauma and the issues from that. 

I know that it's fairly normal to grieve, it doesn't stop me feeling guilty though, at times I feel like I need a slap when I think about things from stuffy's perspective. But try as I might I just can't seem to take to him, to like him even. 

Did anyone else have these kind of feelings early on with siblings? Or maybe it's a real problem and I need to speak to someone? Trouble is who? I am tired all the time and sometimes don't feel like I have an ounce of energy to give the boys, yet I am managing to keep on top of everything 'chores' wise, although I know this will change soon when DH returns to work. I think I am also dreading DH going back to work and having to deal all on my own with stuffy. 

I have been scheduling one-to-one time with stuffy, playing in earnest with him and have been working on loads of play therapy activities that help to promote attachment. He does like to snuggle up on the couch with me to watch TV before bed, and in bed when getting bedtime stories. Trouble is I feel absolutely nothing! I know about 'faking it' till we make it but I'm worried that I just don't seem to feel a thing toward him. It's the opposite with timmy and he is bonding well. I know that it's likely that I'm actually hindering stuffy's ability to attach, but the way I feel just now I don't really like him, let alone love him! 

I know time is a healer and when adopting an older child you really do have to have patience in abundance and expect it all to be a slow progression. I'm just worried about how I feel


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## GERTIE179

Hey WMF,

Big hugs. In my opinion what you are feeling is somewhat normal. You've had long exhausting Intros (and double whammy dealing with two FCs and routines etc), plus travel etc. 

Things sound tough with your eldest sons issues being more than outlined. Sometimes things look worse when kids are stressed so I would question and raise your concerns with your SW (or their senior if yours is off sick). Make sure it's documented. You might find things improve once he settles a bit more or it may be you need to fight to get the right support.

Whilst it can be "easier" to bond with younger ones, when things are tough this can be difficult too. One tip I found with fake til you make is concentrate on one thing i.e. I used to say to my little boy " I love your little squidgy toes". (Small white lie as his toes aren't his prettiest feature). It was just a way that I could say the words and thus he could feel the love and thus our feelings could grow a bit more.

If hubby still at home then maybe try a little "you" time each day or even a half day mid week and weekend. I used to do late night shopping or pop to 24hr supermarket or lone dog walk just to keep my sanity. swimming is good for building bonds and trust. The more your eldest starts to lean on you the more it will feel easier to be his mummy. Do the boys look alike? If so remind yourself of the boys commonality and your positive feelings for youngest can transfer to eldest too in time.

Most of all remember this is a marathon and not a sprint and ask for help where you can. Can anyone help with chores?

Can SWs connect you with other adopters in your area or a adopters support group - others who've walked in your shoes just get it and can really help you feel normal through this transition as it is a huge shock and transition all at once. Ours runs a few times a year.

Re yours boys delays, think emotionally younger. It really helps put things into perspective. My 3yr old doesn't do as many things as a 2.5yr old but he's getting there and I'm confident he will in his own time. If I think of his emotional age then he's bang on the money but getting attuned to yours boys takes time. Use picture cards etc to help avoid frustrations and the more you get to know them will make communication so much easier.

Definitely hold SSs to account and get the support you need. 

Keep posting and if there's anything you need signposted etc as I'm sure most of us can share what's worked.

G x x


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## GERTIE179

Ps Post adoption depression is very real so please seek help if the low feelings do not pass
X


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## crazyspaniel

I think Gertie has said what I would except probably more eloquently!  

Both children are strangers to you right now as you are to them.

My relationship with my daughter had been a very slow burn.... You don't instantly feel love and a connection with most strangers you meet so why would it happen now? 
Try not to beat yourself up about your feelings xx

Have you got an adoption support plan for the boys, if its not appropriate for their needs it needs changing.
Don't be afraid to ask for help, Ss would far rather help you now than risk a disruption.

If you can find some local adopters to talk to it would help a lot.
A lot of my support network only ever saw the 'cuteness' factor and couldn't or wouldn't see the other issues, it wasn't until I spoke to another adopter that I began to fell 'normal'  

Good luck with support worker today, just take it one day or if easier one hour at a time, it will get better xxx


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## Millie Moo

Sorry you are feeling so down. Introductions are exhausting and then taking on two kids is overwhelming.  Nobody else understands.  Friends with birth children will say things like "Oh all kids do that" mistakenly thinking that is what you want to hear.  
One thing you have said that concerns me, is that the extent of your elder childs problems are worse than you were made aware of.  This needs addressing immediately and you need to raise it with the social worker and document it.  What extra support are they going to provide you with, why have they lied to you, is it something you and your husband can cope with?

I don't know if you read the report that came out earlier this year about adoption disruptions?  A lot of parents who disrupted felt that the child was not right for them from day one and that they had been convinced by social workers to change their criteria of what kind of child they wanted.  I'm not saying this will happen to you, I would just recommend you do not apply for an adoption order until you are positive that these are the right children for you and you have all the support in place.

I adopted a 6 year old boy and 4 year old girl this year, so I know how hard it is to cope with the change to your lives.  Don't worry about bed wetting for the moment. We only just got our boy out of pull ups at night during the summer.  Our daughter was wetting herself numerous times during the day. I tried all the reward charts etc etc nothing worked.  One day she just stopped doing it but she still wears a pull up at night. 

You say you are keeping on top of chores.  Forget about them.  You will drive yourself insane.  If you need to get takeaway 5 times a week do it.  Do all your shopping online.
It can be hard to like the children immediately.  They are not acting themselves, they are stressed and scared and can act weird.  Try to spend some time with each child individually.  Once they relax and get to know you better, their real personality comes out.  It doesn't have to be a big trip out. My son used to love me tickling him and he tickles my feet. Sometimes it is the little things that can help you bond.  Also, if you can try to get a night out with your husband.  It is important that you have time together.


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## weemoofrazz

Thank you all for your replies, I feel more 'normal' already!

To all who have mentioned it, we have already rasied the issue of our oldest boys needs being far greater than we were told of with SS. Our SW who is responsible for writing the post adoption support plans is still of sick, to date there is only a plan been done for timmy, the little one. 

We will definitely not be putting in for the adoption order before an appropriate support plan has been made for stuffy. We are lucky enough to know two other couples who have adopted, both took sibling groups. The only issue over the last few weeks is that one couple has been on holiday and the other couple have only just been placed with their 4th adopted child, we thought it best therefore not to bother them just now! And it is unfortunately as you said crazy spaniel, our friends and family all mean well but just simply don't get it!

Gertie, we've been swimming 3 times now and are going again tomorrow, the boys love it and we have loads of great contact and fun. 

Millie Moo, stuffy's needs are not too great that my DH and I can't cope with them, or feel we've been landed with a situation we just can't handle. We're more annoyed about the fact that we were lied too by the boys previous SW (now ex-SW!). The realisation that stuffy's needs more support and input affects the fact that I can't now return to work after my years adoption leave. He needs SALT 3 times a week and although we were originally told he was ready for mainstream school, in reality he's not. The 'special' school in our area (25 miles away) is full. So now that he is going to a mainstream school locally he needs a huge support package and to come home at lunch time every day, in order to help him cope. SS have apologised, and know that we will be fighting tooth and nail to get the right support for him, just now that just means that I have to really find out what support and services are available for him as we simply don't have a clue! 

I know it's early days but I just feel terrible for thinking and feeling the way I do, though today I am better it has to be said. DH let me lie in and he has had the boys out most of the day, I've had a chance to feel 'normal' again today and think straight. 

The support worker see's two boys who are settled and getting on well in placement. She reckons we're doing fine too and essentially dismissed my DH today when he mentioned being concerned about me! She has been in the job for 31 years and pretty much just said what all of you helpful ladies have already, that the way feel just now is perfectly normal and will improve over time. I don't think I am suffering from post adoption depression, although I am very aware of it and know it's not to be underestimated! 

My parents are meeting the boys for the first time next weekend, they stay some 3 hours away and both still work. Our friends are slowly starting to be introduced to them and at this stage SS advocate that we don't both leave the boys to go anywhere as they reckon it will set the placement back as there's no one who knows the boys well enough at this point to look after them. We reckon by December we will manage a night out, even just to the local pub for a bite to eat! In the interim we are trying to give each other 'time outs' as it were, it's helping. 

I know it will be a little easier in some ways when stuffy starts school, but even then there's a wee bit of me worries that this will mean even less time to spend with him and he already see's his little brother as a threat for my affections, we're sure we'll have some issues when he has to go to school but knows timmy gets to stay at home with mum! That said, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! for just now I'm going day by day and since you have all mentioned having similar thoughts and situations it helps a lot to know I am not alone and not  !

Thanks all again


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## Barbados Girl

You have had super advice here but can I also add you are not terrible for sometimes thinking "this is not what I signed up for" (paraphrasing from what you said so hope I got that right). Lots of my friends with bc have told me they sometimes feel that way when baby is screaming and I think those of us who have had fertility challenges and/or have worked/fought long and hard to get a family have an added pressure to always be happy or grateful. Sometimes it is a bit pants. That doesn't mean it isn't wonderful and worth it, but it can also be pants and we are allowed to allow ourselves a "this is a bit pants" moment.

From what you have said you are doing an amazing job. Big love xxx


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## Wyxie

Weemoofrazz, I really feel for you, and don't really have any advice about not liking your older child.  I do think the situation with SS is completely unacceptable and in the absence of your SW I would strongly advise asking for an urgent meeting with her Manager and the child's SW Manager to agree ongoing financial and other support.  If you leave it too long it becomes easier and easier for them to turn round and say "well, are you going to give them back if you don't get support?" which is sadly far from unheard of, so I think there really needs to be some sort of urgency to this.  

Wishing you all the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Ipswichbabe

Oh darling. I just want to say, what you are feeling is ok, and I felt that feeling too. I know everyone's situations are different but we (adoptive parents)have all been there!
Our little one has been with us 9mths. The first 3 months were pure hell and I spent every waking hour waiting for bed time! I cried lots and thought omg! I've made a huge mistake! I should have just accepted our infertility and been childless. 
For me, when dh went back to work I was at a real low and would constantly watch the clock for 5:30 when I knew he would be home. 
Are you are right, support networks are not helpful as I got the same from others.... Parenting an adopted kid is different!
I never thought it would be but it is. 
People don't understand and people will never understand. 
Me and hubby are strong. But i really understand now why adoption agencys are so strict with the process. As this is by the far the toughest thing we have done. 
After about 5mths I think I started to see a different child emerge and gradually she started to laugh, and look at me in a loving way. Once she started loving me, I started loving her. 
I still have days when I tearing my hair out but mostly I'm so much happier and at peace.
Our little one is three but was like 2yr old, still in nappies and no speech. Now she's a chatter box and speech coming on, confidence coming on and out of nappies. 
So I want to let you know, the feeling you feel are natural and normal and will not last forever. 
You learn about it on your prep course but always think, it won't happen to us! I think if you like us, we were living a fantasy of what life with a child would be like and we spent ages with ivf and crying tears over bfn. That's you don't think you would feel it but it's real. 
It's very unfair your dh and my dh has only 2 weeks and i my opinion isn't enought for adoption paternity. You can't bond in 2weeks. 
My dh really struggled with it. As once he went back, he hardly saw her and she was constantly asking me to do stuff, she would shout at him if he tried to help dress or bath her and even now it's still not perfect but time is moving it in the right direction. 
We hve friends who have also adopted so we have someone else to chat to but other friends clearly haven't a clue and think we are being weak parents and moaning at parenting. 
Anyway, my dear sending you hugs. It will be fine. You may not see it now but it will be fine. You hang on in there. 
And once those boys love you, you will feel it too.


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## dandlebean

I felt very much the same during and (for quite some time) after intros! I think I was aware (from reading other people's experiences here, in fact) that intros would be really hard - plus I had a sick bug followed by a nasty cold during them - so I muddled through them and convinced myself everything would be okay once I got home. However, I didn't expect the 'cool' feelings to last as long as they did afterwards or to worry that I'd made a mistake for so long. All I could see was how much easier and more pleasant things would have been with just one and I found it incredibly hard to give them both the attention they desperately needed after such a huge change to their lives. I really feel for you (and utterly admire you), as it sounds like you've taken on a massive task! My two are both younger and their needs aren't as complex, yet I still found it really hard for the first couple of months. I was a rotten mummy at first and would cry myself to sleep because I felt like such a failure and, in all honesty, wondered what on earth I'd done! I imagine it was a bit of post-adoption depression but I didn't realise it back then. 

I'm happy to say now though (6 months in...which probably seems like forever to you right now) that I completely adore both my children and I'm SO glad I got through that first stage. There are still days when one or the other tests my patience but I don't have that niggling doubt or wish that I should have just adopted one. I also no longer have a favourite - which is such a relief to me as I felt incredibly guilty about it initially and that only added to the stress (so try not to feel guilty about it, I think/hope that it's pretty normal to prefer one child at first). xx


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## weemoofrazz

Thanks guys!  

I really don't think I am out of sorts because we expected anything different to what we have gotten in terms of the huge shift in our lives, it's just that the reality is way different to just thinking about how it will all pan out! To be honest I reckon we're still in the 'honeymoon' period and I'm waiting for my as yet, angelic little one to start the terrible two's, even though he'll be 3 yrs in Dec! 

Friends of ours who have adopted tell me that a lot of the initial behaviour and what appears to be 'personality traits' are in fact just understandable defense mechanisms and bourne of fear. I have therefore decided to adopt a new mantra to not sweat the small stuff and keep remembering he's scared! 

I started writing a journal for both boys as of the first day we met them. Although at times it's been hard not to write anything negative in stuffy's journal, I have always tried to focus on the positives. I had a chance to have another read through much that I have written today and it helped me to see and remember all the positive things about him, no matter how small. 

Wyxie, would you believe it but the boys (new) SW is also off sick! Our SW is supposed to be back on Monday so we've been assured. We fully intend to go all out at him, poor lad, to get the necessary support etc put in place. Honestly, our LA SW department is literally on it's knees due to a 'staffing' crisis! None of this of course helps us, or makes us feel any less like we've been abandoned and sold up the river. I won't leave it another week and by hook or by crook we'll get someone, somewhere to listen!  

It's such a relief to realise that I'm not alone in feeling this way and that for others it's just taken time to 'fix'. On the whole I do feel most days like I'm doing a good job at being mum, it's just hard sometimes when you're tired and your onto your 9th change of jeans and pants that day, not to mention your 3rd pooey nappy lol! 

It helps immensely to know that others out there have gone through the same sort of process and encountered the same issues. I really appreciate all your support and kind words, I just hope I can find the time in the future to be on here more to return the favour for others who come behind me!


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## GERTIE179

Some fab advice again. Love your new mantra but maybe add in "you are the best ever mummy for your boys". Sometimes we try to be too perfect but reminding yourself that your picking up the pieces of a very in-perfect start for the boys and you will come through the other side. Each week felt like very small progress being made.

But just wanted to "like" Ipswich & DB as I too remember how awful our early months were.

IB - cannot agree more with "Parenting an adopted kid is different!
I never thought it would be but it is. People don't understand and people will never understand." Just going through this again and it's so v v true.

X


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## Mummy DIY Diva

I didn't love my two for at least four months and it's still developing on all parts.  Particularly for my eldest my dh said sw waffle on about attachments etc but as adults who've always had positive relationships we don't form attachments easily so why on earth would a child that's been abused and shown nothing but negative unhealthy examples.  Once I thought like that I found it easier as I stopped putting so much pressure on our feelings and stopped thinking she loves bm but not me what does that mean about me as a mother.  

Ultimately with how contact drags on and how little preparation and explanation is given to children it's a miracle they survive it in my view.  I very much felt the system is set up for babies and simply didn't consider my eldest needs really which made the move to us harder than it already was.  You're doing good hun no of us feel any better so early in.  I have taken the pressure off myself by just accepted things will take a long time.  We're 5 / 6 months in and we've made huge progress but are still a million miles still to travel.  However I don't feel panic anymore xxx


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## Lorella

Hi Weemoofrazz
You have had loads of excellent advice and don't think I can top it but wanted to send you hugs and say I know where you are at. 

We brought our daughter home on Weds and it was a major shock up the system. I was in tears, on the phone to my sister several times for advice. I think I was a bit in shock! I felt so under prepared and was worried about everything. 

It's day 4 and things are a lot better but if I'm honest I still have moments when I think what have I done? We had this lovely easy life and now it's turned upside down and we have no time to do anything but be totally and utterly responsible for our new bundle of joy. The huge responsibility really hit me. 

But I'm still sitting in my pyjamas while LO napping and I don't care! Would not of thought Id be doing this!

It will take time but with love and support and the little cute things our LOs do every day, these things will remind us to think positive and hopefully soon begin to enjoy our dreams. 

Sending big big hugs xxx


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## MummyPhinie

Weemoo, big hugs   

I can't give any more advice, but having adopted 3 siblings (eldest is only just 4)14 weeks ago I can completely empathise with you. We are I admit lucky with ours that they have no significant additional needs however it did not stop me feeling in shock, stressed, under pressure and completely overwhelmed. Intros exhaust you beyond belief and you don't get time to rest as you are thrown straight in. 
I neglected myself because I was so focused on them and my dh, I may have seemed organised , we were getting out, going places, kids looked amazingly presentable but I felt a wreck, I even got a Matt in my hair !!!! People told me I was doing an amazing job, everyone was super happy, however a lot of days I didn't feel that I felt battered. It has got easier but occassionally it rears it's ugly head. Having some alone time does really help to recharge. I got so much pleasure from doing a supermarket shop after bedtime, to browse in peace and quiet or a long shower to feel human again.

As for your feelings towards your children, to me we have bonded differently with each of ours but it is evolving all the time, not sure if that's normal but clearly not uncommon. What helps me is relishing the tiny little things, it helps towards those warmer feelings, they may be insignificant but they are worth all the stress, cling onto those too. Mine is them learning a new word, managing a poo on potty for first time, repeating a family saying, an unexpected hug, a belly laugh at something they have done, managing to put their own vest on (even though it's inside out!), them reading their first words and able to write their name properly for first time!!
Wishing all the best, I'm sure things will get easier over time, it's a lot of adjusting this adoption journey x x


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## weemoofrazz

Thanks everyone. 

My DH goes back to work tomorrow and I'll be honest and say that I have a few 'OMG' moments when I've felt a bit paralysed with a weird sense of fear at the fact that I'm going to be 'home alone' so to say with the boys. We still don't have schooling sorted for Stuffy so at the moment it's hanging over us all, especially him  

I have though been feeling a good deal better in myself, and due to good weather I have had some time to be still and reconnect with myself whilst the boys have played outside. I feel it is all getting a bit easier, especially now that I have stopped beating myself up about feeling the way I do. As you said Phinie it all takes time and I'm trying to appreciate all the small things that matter!


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## Brummig

Didn't want to read and run. Glad you are feeling a little better, be gentle with yourself.  We have an 11 yo birth child with autism and last Dec adopted our lo, aged 18 months. I love them both to bits, but occasionally find myself thinking - were we mad?  Son was pretty settled and even though our lives were a bit different we were having time for us all, wheras now just trying to juggle both their needs, clubs, social lives, and work and its very hard trying to find time for me and hubby! I wouldn't change it though - but a few more hours in the day would be nice !  
I would recommend you find a group for kids with additional needs.  There is generally one in each area and you can find other parents who have been where you are - at least with the schools, support etc which the adoption sw's aren't used to.

Take care xxx


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## AoC

Although I did have a love-at-first-sight kind of thing with Bug, there were several months in placement when I woke up every morning thinking, "I don't think I can do this anymore."  And that was with one, where I really felt a bond.

It passed.  It got tons better, relatively quickly.

You're doing brilliantly, and you've had loads of good advice.  The two stand-out things for me were 1)  the lack of SS support you're getting.  I think you need an SOS call into your SWer's manager to ask who's going to do the stat visits, and that you feel the need for some support (no shame there!) and 2) you're doing all the chores?!  Are you crazy?!      Drop the non-essentials, take up offers of help and meal delivery, and make sure DH is doing more than his share.  

Don't feel guilty.  You feel how you feel and it's perfectly normal and reasonable.  It's going to be okay.  

"I have therefore decided to adopt a new mantra to not sweat the small stuff and keep remembering he's scared! "  Spot on!  He's scared, and hurting.  You could try putting a big piece of paper on the wall and draw a heart on it.  Any good thing you think of, something he's done, something you've done, something he IS, that promotes a positive reaction in you, write it in the heart.  Aim to fill it.    Even if it's just, "I love the curl of his ear" or "he is my son."

What I needed to hear in the early days was "you're doing a great job," which I got from my SW and our HV.  From my DH I mostly got, "are you sure you're okay?" but also a lot of "how are you doing?" and "I love you."  From my Mum I got, "I'm worried you wont' be able to cope...." and from old friends an awful lot of silence.

You're doing a great job.  

In the early days, I sometimes caught myself thinking, "It was so much easier when it was just us and the cats...."  

These days, when I see our Bug's name written down, I don't see his name, I see the word, "everything".


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## weemoofrazz

A huge thanks to all who posted a reply to the thread, you all kept me sane! 

We're now a month in and I do genuinely feel a good deal better. As suggested by some I called SS and our SW came back from being off sick on Tuesday and is coming out tomorrow. 

I kicked up a fuss about the education issue for stuffy and now he's starting school on Monday, all be it just till 11am for the rest of this month and without the much needed additional support, apparently it's just not available! I have complained to SS regarding lack of SALT and it's now being addressed. 

Things are still tougher and slower to develop with my eldest, but I've adopted a 'fake it till you make it' stance and I remind myself every night of all that was good in the day related to stuffy. 

I have asked friends and family for help and they have all stepped up to the mark. 

I think it just takes a while to get over the huge emotional shock to the system that is adoption, particularly when it's a sibling group with special needs. I now feel we're getting somewhere and we're going some way to getting the help that we need. It all started here with the helpful advice that everyone gave, many thanks!


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## AoC

I honestly think (not just cheerleading here!) that you're awesome and doing brilliantly!  Well done for asking for the help you need and insisting on what's needed!  *high five*  Go Mummy!


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## Sq9

. Some great advice on here xx


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## weemoofrazz

Well we're now at the start of week 6 post placement and I can honestly say it's starting to seem like there's light at the end of the tunnel! 

After a hard fought battle and a lot of BS Scruffy started school on Monday this week at our village school which we always knew would be best for him. So far he's thriving! He doesn't have the level of support that he needs in place due to 'budget' issues but inspite of this he's coped really well. His teacher and other P1 classmates can understand him, and more importantly he's talking to them! He has only had one wetting accident at PE and has been 'dry' for a week too.

SALT is getting organised for him, I'm going to see GP for CAMHS referral and our SW is back from being off sick and is visiting twice a week and calling most days to see how we're doing. 

Now that more and more family and friends have been introduced to the boys and have visited I don't feel like the loneliest person on the planet anymore! I completely understand SS's approach of 'funnelling' and essentially keeping all away for first month, but I swear I have never felt more in need of having people around than I did in that first 3 weeks. In hindsight I should have not listened to SW and arranged for my Mum to come up for a while after DH went back to work, I really struggled that first week I was literally all alone with the boys. I have to say that the support and kind words from all who posted helped to keep me sane 

I still have days when I wake up wishing for my old life back, I guess I'm still grieving! I've had some truly awful days with scruffy, yesterday being one of them, but I'm now a dab hand at 'faking it till I make it'. Tonight when I put him to bed and got a great big hug and said I loved him, there was a wee bit of me that realised that I do! I know it's going to take time and a lot of patience and vino! However, for the first time tonight I actually feel like we're going to be okay, and that one day we really will be able to say I love you and not only mean it, but really really feel it. 

Thanks to all who posted


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news you're doing amazing glad that people are supporting you more. School being sorted sounds like a big positive  hope SW's are on the case with regards support with school funding issues are not your sons problem. 

Keep posting we're always here xx


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## GERTIE179

Fab fab post - you're doing great! As Diva says keep posting - we get it and whilst most of us are virtual it can stave off the lonely feeling of being an adopter. At times I feel it's our wee unit against the world as others try and dismiss our family issues but I know I can count on fF friends
X x


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## AoC

Weemo, I've got a little bit of a cry going on here - you completely and utterly rock.


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