# Christenings - anyone else find them hard?



## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi there

I've just had to walk out of a friend's baby's christening. I had thought I could handle it and had also been looking forward to catching up with her and some other friends. However, as soon as the ceremony started, the tears wouldn't stop. Me and DH had to rush out, with me a soggy mess. It was such a happy, child and family event, everyone seemed so happy (I know that's just my false perception of things,  and I am sure almost everyone there is living with some pain, loss and distress). However, all I could think of was me and DH in a pew all by ourselves, sticking out as the sad childless couple. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Feel a bit embarrassed, as I know my friend saw me rushing out, and I couldn't even stop to say congratulations


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

It was not too long after our early miscarriage that I had to go to a family christening on my OH's side.  I think I had missed one or two previously with a 'flu' excuse after bfn's so couldn't use that excuse again.  The compromise was that we would sit at the back so it wouldn't disturb anyone if I had to leave - I think I lasted 2 or 3 minutes if that.  In fact I don't even think they had started, it was just all the other babies surrounding me that quickly became too much.  My OH had to stay inside as he also had his very elderly mother to look after.

I spent ages just milling around outside, wandering about or sitting on steps feeling sorry for myself when luckily one of the immediate cousins came out too saying he just couldn't be bothered with all that religious stuff (although he was a bit more blunt!).  I told him I had only just come out as I needed some air and luckily he believed me, and I don't think the rest of the family noticed.  The party afterwards was also hard, but I sat with my back to it all (looking out the window) and drank several large glasses of wine very quickly  

I just wanted to let you know that you are not the first to leave such an event and certainly won't be the last.  If your friend knows your circumstances then I am sure she will understand.  You may find it never comes up in conversation as people are usually too busy with their own lives to think too much about these sorts of things.  If she doesn't know and does want an explanation, then either come up with a lie (just got bad news, felt ill etc) or even just explain the truth.  Any good friend would understand. 

Just give each other a hug, treat yourselves and don't beat yourself up about it.  You should deserve a reward for at least making the attempt - as said I ducked out a few!
  

Turia x


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Miss Sunshine  

I recently attended a naming ceremony, much the same as a christening but non-religious with guide parents instead of god parents and non biblical readings and songs.  It was horrendous.  It was a lovely afternoon so took place outdoors and there was nowhere to hide.  The dad started to talk about his daughter, much in the style of a best man's speech and gave every detail from when they started trying for her, the pregnancy, the birth up to now - firstly it felt inappropriate to share that much detail and the smutty innuendo eluding to her conception was grim.  One of the guide parents talked about how anyone without children would never know the deep powerful love that washes over you and how unfulfilling that must be.  I wanted to go up and shake them.  Then there was a poem about being a mother and my eyes started to well as all I could think of was holding Joseph in my arms and remembering his little blessing in the hospital so different yet so much more special.

Both DH and I made our excuses as soon as the service was over and left before any of the buffet or party.  

Don't worry about your friend, she'll understand how hard it was for you and should be grateful you made the effort in the first place.

Dory
xxx


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## KELLSBELLS27 (Jun 7, 2015)

hey 

u are definetely not on your lone.

we went to my dh's godson 5th birthday recently and were at one point looking at our hands because all of the adults were talking about their kids..


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Thanks for all your support. I am sorry for all your losses. It must have made attending those events horrendous. 

Turia - I've not used the flu excuse, will definitely use it in future

Dory - I don't know how you managed to stay to the end of the ceremony! I'd have been a mess. How insensitive and thoughtless of them.

Gailgegirl - I think I've learned my limits today and will avoid all such events in future. Will definitely not feel bad about saying "no" in future. Said to DH "thats the last christening we attend, unless we get lucky and it's for our own " 

Kells - am a great believer of looking at the floor/hands/ceiling/door when groups of people start talking about their kids. If they have any sense, its a hint to change topics (for a while anyway). If not, at least it's a way of distracting from it.


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

I've got a christening coming up next Sunday.  I was looking forward to it but I've had a few weepy days recently and I'm dreading the possibility of ending up in a flood of tears.  I didn't go to the baby shower, nor her sister's son's christening because I felt too raw.  I thought I was over the worst of my negative feelings but that's not the case.  I'd better take extra tissues.


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Banjo

Turia's advice of sitting near the back is good. I didn't think of that and felt so trapped before we could make our hasty exits. Unfortunately, we were seen by others, so I would definitely recommend sitting near to an exit (just in case). Hopefully, you won't need to leave and will enjoy the day. But it's no harm being prepared.


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

I think I will sit at the back. So that I can escape if need be. Church services  can get to me at the best of times.


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## hopespringseternal27 (Jul 21, 2014)

Banjo55 - hi there, christenings, naming days etc are really difficult. Last year my brother asked me to be godmother to their daughter and I was over the moon to be asked, but also absolutely dreading it just because of our impending IVF. To this day, I remember the day far too easily. Being asked to sit with my brother, his girlfriend and her brother at the front was emotional torture. I barely made it through the first hymn and I had to move. Luckily my parents were sat in the next aisle across and sat with them. What happened next just about managed to get me through the service. The church leader had a broad Cornish accent, and I imagined that he needed subtitles, which gave me the giggles internally. Think of the film 'hot fuzz' and the scene where nick frost had to translate what the farmer was saying to Simon pegg. That was the church leader 😉 secondly, it was harvest festival that weekend. I focused on the veg, and decided to work out what was shop bought and home grown. My parents did the same. I think they were getting bored too. Thirdly, look up. Don't move your head, just stare upto the ceiling. It stops the tears coming. My aunt was sitting behind me and she told me it works. It does. Finding distractions and concentrating on them can help. It's your decision about going. Does your friend know what's going on? Is she sensitive to your needs?


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

Hi Hope, it's a relative on my husband's side who's being christened. The baby's mum knows we're ttc but doesn't know  details or the emotional impact. We don't see them that often.
Her mum has come out with the standard well meaning/meaningless advice, "relax, take a holiday...I know someone who had a baby at 45.." etc. I've just realised I'll be on my period which will put me on a downer. The more I think about it the more I think I shouldn't go. We're giving his parents a lift as they wouldn't get there otherwise. They missed the other christening because we didn't go so I feel obliged to go.


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hiya,

I just point blank refuse to go to any baby showers, kids birthdays and christenings. 

I find it too upsetting and the only person that I need to look after right now is me. I need to be in a good place ready to start ICSI. 

xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

Unless you are religious and go to church then I really see christenings as a waste of time and money.  Most people have them for just a party and pee up anyway!  I also cannot get my head around a 'Naming' ceremony.  Totally pointless.

Fortunately my friends and families are on the same level as me, so I haven't been to either in donkeys years and don't get me started on baby showers!

X


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## KnittyGritty (Apr 17, 2015)

Myself and my husband attend a church and they have Christenings fair often.  The last one I nearly did cry but managed to stop the tears coming. There is one next week which I think I might miss!


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