# I can't stop crying



## Inneedofsupport (Aug 31, 2014)

Hi. 
I'm not sure why I'm here, im hoping that someone will understand as no one I know does. 
I've been Ttc for 2 years 10 months. I've got a nearly 4 year old. During the time we have been Ttc another, I fell pregnant 1 year ago and mc at 8 weeks. I fell pregnant again just before Xmas and miscarried twins at 10
Weeks. We are now going for IVF and I'm on the suprecor. The last couple of days I just can't stop crying. I m so angry and fed up and I feel hopeless as nothing we do seems to make any difference to our situation. 
I'm angry that we are struggling to find the money for this. I feel abandoned by the nhs and worthless as they won't treat me. 
All my friends are having their second children easily. 
My best friend I think is pregnant. She doesn't live near me and has not once been in touch to ask about the treatment (my dates got pushed back and she doesn't know that). I can only presume she's avoiding me.
I also think my sil is pregnant again. She fell pregnant accidentally at the beginning of last year and I avoided her through much of her pregnancy. I have never held her nearly one year old and have only seen him on a handful of occasions. my mil said something to my oh a few weeks ago about others seeing us and not waiting for another and he came home in tears so we think she is pregnant again. If that's the case I think it will push me to a breakdown. 
I have nothing but anger towards any pregnancy announcement now. I don't mix with people like I used to and find myself hating everyone. 
On top of it all I feel isolated by the IVF and scared by whether it will work as I've got low egg supply and am put on the highest dose of gonal they have. 
I have a difficult job and am struggling with that. I don't even know how I've kept the job after the last almost 3 years of what has been a nightmare. 
My in laws are not in anyway interested in our sutuation. They agreed to look after my son for an appt. Then changed their minds and went on holiday. No message asking how it went or anything. 
I'm also approaching the twins due date and I'm still tortured by the image of one when it came out and cry because I should be getting ready for their birth instead of getting ready for IVF.
I just want someone to take away all this pain


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## Leenaj (Aug 12, 2015)

Hi in Need of support, 

I'm sorry for everything your going through. I understand your pain, and ditto crying. I'm crying while I write this. I can't say anything to make it better or go away. To face this you are stronger than you know. Today I feel like why was I even born. I'm 33 and I feel 83. Been ttc for 6-7months, and felt incling something was wrong. Went for private tests found i have one blocked tube which I had clipped 6 weeks ago and also dh had 0 normal sperm which could be down to a massive testicular swelling he had around his testes of a herniated fat, which meant he needed an operation too to remove it. He had that a week before me.  Now is just a countdown until October to check whether it has made any difference. It feels like forever, I deliberately get up late so my day is shorter and try and go bed earlier. I have cried three times today. I have cried at seeing a baby in a film. I have cried because I'm scared about the future. I have cried because I miss my parents support. I cried because I think no one can hear my cries. All I can say is bad times do not Last forever. Hold tight through the storm x


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Oh girls  
I would not read your pleas and not reply....
Infertility is such a cruel and horrible thing....be it secondary or first...
I can guarantee that most of the women that read what you have both written will relate to what you have said....myself included!
There is know remedy for our emotional pain unfortunately .....although some people try acupuncture or massage or relaxation CD's.
I did download a stress relief thing but found myself arguing back with the man speaking! 
The only advice I can give you is "Talk"....be it on here or to someone you can trust...
Fertility Friends has been a god send to me.....I know that I can come on here and have a good rant and someone will always be there to reply to me or just listen.
Please don't feel like you are failures  
You are just in a situation that is terribly hard and very stressful BUT there is a way out 
I won't lie to you and say that it's going to be plain sailing but what I will say is "Keep fighting" don't give up and if you feel at a low point come on here and post...
You're not alone


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## Sophcol (Nov 24, 2014)

Hi there, I've never posted on here before but feel I have to after reading your posts. I feel similar and have cried so many times this week. I've been ttc for 2.5 yrs (have a son conceived naturally who is 5yrs). I've had one fresh failed IVF followed but natural miscarriage and then one failed FET, I'm just about to start my next FET and instead of feeling excited and positive am feeling drained and sad. A friend announced her third pregnancy on Friday and I just can't seem to pull myself out of this sadness (and anger at times). 

My only advise is to keep on going. I know IVF has worked for so many people, not always straight away but in the end. It's really helps to hear other people are going through the same thing and we're not all going mad - it's normal and understandable! Lots of luck to everyone xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi I didn't want to read and run sending you lots of   and   for your cycle!.You sound so much like me a while back. There's so many emotions to go through especially when your going through ivf and people announce pregnancies. My brother gf is pregnant with her second but my brothers first and she finds out the sex of the baby the same time as my test date will be I have so many people around me pregnant and have small children. Have you thought of popping over to us on cycle buddies they are lovely ladies and always make me feel better plus you get to see who your cycling with and ask all questions you want, maybe even just have a read through first! I really hope you get the news you want and don't lose hope your strong enough to go through this and no one will know how it feels without going through it themselves. I never thought I'd be myself again or have friends and pushed myself away from people but it does come together I know you don't feel like that now but honestly you will. Sometimes we need to be selfish to protect ourselves .Take it easy and fingers crossed for you x


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