# Single women going through/considering adoption/fostering



## aweeze

New thread for single women that are going through or considering adoption/fostering. 

If you would like a list seperate from the main list, please let me know 

Lou
X


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## Betty-Boo

Thank you Lou, what a good idea!
R x x


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## muddypaws

Thanks for thinking of this thread Emma. I did post a message on the adoption board in adoption virgins and had 2 people reply but then the thread just carried on with other topics and I felt a bit ignored...not intentional I am sure but I guess because I am ttc then they didn't have much to say except...you won't be able to be considered until you give up ttc. I know why this is the case but it is difficult when you are at a certain age and don't want to lose time in either direction. I think that I would quite possibly want to do both anyway as I am unlikely to be able to have many if any children through ttc and would like a more than one child. The trouble is I'm not going to give up ttc for some time yet but this would make me considerably older when looking into adoption, given how long the vetting process is, and I think that because of this I would only be able to have an older child - not to mention being single. I am thinking about calling an agency like Banardos or NCH to get their views on this and ask whether they know of any local authorities that would be willing to take on someone who is also ttc. I don't think that this is likely though. 

I'm quite scared of losing out on both...particularly when there seem to be lots of restrictions. One person on the adoption thread said that some local authorities are closing their process to caucasian people! Why is wanting to be a mother something that seems to be a given right to some people and not to others? 


Muddy


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## ♥JJ1♥

I was my single friend referree for her adoption, and she got accepted.  The SW asked me my story and I explained that I was TTC through IVF, she asked if i had comsidered adoption and I said that I hadn't yet. She explained that they wanted prospective parents to finish their TTC journey and really hope that we get pregnant, but otherwise they waste time and resources going through the process then they turn around and have their own child and it stops.

Also you wouldn;t nec have to have an older child, my friend was told they tould place a baby with a 41 year old, they didn't like more than 41 years age gap in their Borough.

Good luck
L x


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## lulumead

Hi Muddy

It's so frustrating that they can't let people do both options at once...this is the dilemma I am in having got trapped in the long wait to China.  I think its possible to adopt over 40 with most local authorities...the biggest issue is the possibility of adopting a baby if you are white, although its not impossible.

You could contact the Coram foundation.  They do a scheme called concurrent planning which is quite interesting.  I know a couple who have adopted two children, one through the concurrent programme and a new one (under 1) and they are in their mid-40's.  I think social workers often give the worse case scenario to see if you have what it takes to stick it out!  My social worker told me it wasn't impossible to adopt a child under the age of 2 but could take a long time until there was a match.  Although recently I've heard of quite a few babies being adopted by single women...so there's always hope.

Sadly I think the option of TTC and adopting simultaneously are non-existant.  You could make enquiries I suppose at this stage with your local authority and find out their policies?

Sorry can't be of much help.

Lxxx


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## muddypaws

Thanks L, will try the Coram foundation. I know that I sound negative but having to battle with everything just makes you feel that you've done something wrong in life! I just want a new phase in my life to begin...feels like I've been waiting for so long.

Muddy


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## lulumead

Muddy,
You haven't done anything wrong...although I understand that feeling...sometimes it doesn't feel fair if you are honest and basically nice to people and yet things don't work out...and then you see people being horrible to their child and loathing every minute of them! grrrr...
Try Coram...its really worth investigating every avenue. I'm sure the right path will turn up soon and you'll be an ace mum.  The amount of thinking and planning and commitment you've shown will hold you in great stead. And 40 is the new 30! So you'll be the perfect age.

xx


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## ♥JJ1♥

My friend was on the study course with only one older couple 50-60's and the rest were single black/mixed race women, the couple got a white baby under a year placed with them.  My friend has had 2 babies 'offered' both under a year but she has developed health problems and may need spinal surgery so things have had to go on hold for a while.  The SW did say that people who specified like white baby girl would wait much longer.
L x


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## Damelottie

I 100% believe the area you live in makes a difference too. Im in an area where there are very few children and I was always 'competing' with white middle class married couples. It shouldn't make a difference but it does round here. I've always thought if I did it again I'd move to a city. Without a shadow of a doubt.


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## croz

hi muddy

i am sympathetic to your situation and it is frustrating to be on such a waiting game, and as a single woman having been through the TTC process I understand your feelings about wanting to do everything at once. However i also work with children who need adoptive placements.
first of all the social worker has to place the needs of the child first and i read many heart breaking stories of people who have been through years of fertility treatment before they move onto the idea of adoption. how you prepare yourself for adoption is very different to having a birth child and the SW needs to be absolutely sure you are committed to the adoption process. this is why i understand you could never really do both processes at once. 
secondly and more encouragingly for you i know of a number of single women (and single men!!) who have adopted younger children. 
i would advise that you ring around local authorities. there is nothing to stop you (i don't think) approaching a local authority out of your locality and i know someone who did this. Although SW's won't see the point in travelling miles to assess you they would be interested in you if they thought they had suitable children to match with you. At various times one local authority might find they have more of a certain age group than at other times. 
in addition i understand, but this might not be correct, that local authorities will always try and place children with their own adopters as it is cheaper for them. They will only turn to charity adoption agencies when they have a hard to place child ie an older child, one with behaviour issues or with a heritage they can't suitably match. therefore a white British under 2  - 3 year old is really much easier to place thus they would not need to pay extra money to place the child through an adoption agency ie one of the charities, coram family etc. (however coram do some interesting work) 
so my advice is shop around, however the emotional journey of an adoption assessment is huge and i am afraid in my opinion you need to be 100 % committed to it, not 50 : 50

best wishes and good luck 
C


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## muddypaws

Hi Croz,
Thanks for your thoughts. I do understand the adoption process and why things are the way that they are - I too have some experience of child care processes, though I expect in a different way to you.  Sometimes we just need to sound off about things on these threads with people who can understand. I certainly wouldn't be entering into anything 50:50, I'm not that irresponsible nor able to enter into things in this way (sometimes it might be helpful to be able to!). The reality is that none of these processes get it right 100% of the time, hence I guess why adoption rules are so tight now given the unfortunate history of poor placement of children years ago. Good job things have improved really. I will call LAs eventually but know what my local ones think as it's on their website. 

Muddy


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## Damelottie

Hello Croz

I notice this is your first post here so welcome to FF. You have no signature or details of your own if journey but we have an introductions thread here

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=10.0

If you would like to you can post on there and the Mods will direct you to some other threads that also might be appropriate/of interest.

Good luck

Emma


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## Damelottie

*CHAT TONIGHT - 9PM - CHAT ROOM - ON THE SINGLES SOFA*​
<a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253Fpartner%253DZSzeb008%255FZNxdm824YYGB%2526i%253D15%252F15%255F9%255F32%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank">


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## croz

Hi muddy,

been away for the weekend so just replying now

good luck in your journey through the adoption process if this is what you chose. Determination will be the key to success....a shame that your local agencies are not going to be helpful to you..i hope you can be encouraged that somewhere there will be a welcoming response

best wishes croz


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## Damelottie

Hello Muddy and Lu

I thought of you both as I've recently met another couple who are adoption approved but all ttc. Without anybody knowing obviously. I was just going to put a bit about how they are also caring, sensible blah blah blah but I think we'd all know that as we are too   . They just know they want to be parents and aren't too concerned which route it takes. Both are equally important to them. I bet there's LOADS of people still ttc at the same time. People could be having sex without precautions and nobody would know. I know what I'd be doing if I had my time again. I lost 4/5 years of my fertility through that adoption fisaco. Never has the term 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' seemed more apropriate    

Blimey - I better add a disclaimer on here  

Just need to add that the opinions expressed on this thread are personal opinions and not FF opinions


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## lulumead

indeed...we would all have to become nuns! and I suspect social services wouldn't approve of that either.  

Thanks for the post, good to hear others are doing the same, I'm sure there are lots of people that end up in this situation, it makes me angry that there is a fixed way that Social services expect stuff to happen and that really they are not focussing on the child or children at the centre of it, just trying to fit you into a box!

Anyway, I'm up for annual review in September, that will be number 2.  If china continues like this I reckon there will be about another 4 of those.  They have only processed 72 days worth of application in the past year and still another 11 months of papers til they get to mine. 

Might need to start practising lying a bit.  Don't think I can start DI until after that meeting, as then technically I won't have lied to them!! 

xx


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## Damelottie

I'll tell you something that'll make you giggle - your comments of fitting in the box reminded me.

My SW asked me about 'Positive Male Role Models'. And then every single flipping SW/Aid/manager/godknowswhothey were, asked me exactly the same thing for the next 5 years. Very importantly obviously - yawn yawn - but it was the way they all used the exact same phrase 'positive male role model' - obviously some kind of training course phrase.

One day yet another SW came to see me from an out of area department. She seemed different to the others, a bit more laid back but just as professional. Anyway, out came the question. 'Any positive Male Role Models' and I just lost it    . I just said 'to be honest, if I believed in the concept of a positive male role model I probably wouldn't be in this   prediciment'. She nearly wet herself laughing, and then I did too. We were just squealing. And then we wrote the proper answers in the box. But it was a fun moment of honesty


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## muddypaws

Ahhh, yes, all those judgements! Just when i thought I'd got to an age where i didn't care so much about what people think, I'm suddenly thrown back into the pool of personal angst..."will I be good enough to be a mother....will the clinic think I am and let me have treatment....will people criticise me for going it alone...does it mean I'm impossible to go out with  "why is it Ms Muddylane that you have not yet decided to enter the institution of marriage? Errr, probably cos most people I know in institutions are trying to get out of them"  . How do they know that people in couples aren't still ttc? Do they have to have mandatory contraceptive injections? 

Today I saw the NSPCC advert twice, you know the one with all the sad profiles and pictures of kids (actors) who've been badly treated. Makes me cry every time....and all they want is my money...stuff that, let me look after the child!!

I sympathise with you EmL about your non adoption, I knew a couple in their early thirties who were turned down for adoption basically because the panel couldn't believe that they would adopt children with difficult backgrounds without ever having tried to conceive themselves. Their SW was apparently quite shocked at this rejectio as she'd thought them a dead cert. They would have been brilliant parents too. It's all based on the judements of a few people in the end  but then I guess that's what generally happens in life. Takes such a lot of energy doesn't it...!?. 

Muddylane


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## Damelottie

It sure does hun. I was actually approved quite easily. No skeletons in my cupboard, good supportive family, good job, 'positive male role models' etc etc. It was just matching where it badly started to fall apart. As I said before - wrong geographical area for sure.

I know an amazing couple who got turned down on some sort of disability grounds for her - he's incredibly fit. And that honestly was all. They are the most loving, caring people you could ever imagine. So warm. Really shocking

OMG    . Loved the institution comment    . So so true 

We'll get there hun


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## lulumead

I got asked the same thing about positive male role models in my panel meeting...after I trotted out the standard answer about having great men in my life friends, dad etc...i ended up saying "well, its not like she's never going to meet any men in her life is it!"  I just thought it was a ludicrous question.

and muddylane...who cares what other people think...you know you will be a good parent, probably better than most as you've actually had to really think about it....and I believe the right man won't care either! People can shove their narrow minded judgements!!!  People end up raising kids alone for all sorts of reasons, choosing it has to be the most positive.

I have had a lovely social worker she almost suggested a date for me with a friend of hers...that was a bit weird, but lovely that she was a human about it all.

xx


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## Suzie

Hiya

I don't want to be known as an opinionated gatecrasher  but just wanted to add that one of the reasons among many that you are asked to stop ttc is that the foster carer/sw of the child/children you are matched to work hard with them to introduce the concept of new parents to them and often if people are ttc and they fall pg then they back out of the potential match, leaving the child/children let down again and for many it can make them take 10 steps back.

Also as someone pointed out in a previous post , that social services invest lots of time and effort in assessing adopters and there are often long waiting lists of people who want to be assessed and if someone is ttc and then backs out if they fall pg then someone on the list missed out on being assessed. 

My final point is ( honestly then I will pee off  ) is that adopting/fostering is very very different than ttc your own biological child and I can't see how anyone could 100% get their head around it if they were still ttc, with the maybe it will still happen for us thoughts. (trust me I have been going through this recently. knowing that I will never have my own biological child   and I thought I would never be someone who was concerned lots by it ) 


I wish you all lots of  in your journeys

I am sorry that one of you felt the the adoption virgins skimmed over your post, they really are a good bunch of people and I am sure it wasn't intentional

xx

ps disclaimer linke emmalotties


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## Damelottie

lol - I had to look out that disclaimer Suzie from a list of them I had seen before.

TBH though - our discussions are already based on the information you give. I mean we've thought of it all long and hard. It all makes perfect sense and is right for probably the majority of people - just not me and proabably not Muddy.

But I am alwways very careful not to give too honest an opinion on here about adoption as I know it would be very very unpopular. Actually, I'm amazed you're the only person who has done so - I expected a deluge but I wanted to be able to talk openly to Muddy. Maybe a bit too open  

Hugs


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## Damelottie

lulumead said:


> actually had to really think about it....


My SW was just lovely - sadly she retired about a year after I was approved. But she said me and the other single girl she'd assessed were the most organised and prepared she'd ever had  .I really put my heart and soul into it - rightly so. But I was amazed to hear that not everybody did xxx


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## lulumead

Hi suzie

I think the thing I find hard is the assumption that adopting a child is something you would only consider after giving up on having a birth child.  Maybe I am naive but I do honestly believe that whilst there are different issues that come up, there needs to be an understanding that for some people they do genuinely want to do both.  I don't want to give up on my adoption from China if I decide to try and get pregnant, I might feel differently once there is actually a baby but I would like my social services to understand that if I can still prove that I can offer the right home for an adoptive child that i am still able to do it.  My situation maybe different as I am doing an intercountry adoption so not stopping any child from the UK from being matched, and if I thought my referral was on its way within a year, I probably wouldn't be pursuing the idea of TTC....but China is unlikely to match me for another 4 years.

I have been very lucky that I have a great social worker and supportive social services who I am sure will continue to try and do the best for me and the child that I might one day adopt.

I agree adopting is very different but the process that you have to go through has been extremely helpful for me in thinking about issues that might arise from having a baby from donor. I view it that I will be half-adopting a baby in that they won't have access to half their genetics until they are older, creating a life story book will be useful, dealing with issues of identity, being honest and answering difficult questions, acknowledging their issues about being different from other children they know - will be similar.  For me personally, I really don't feel that adopting and ttc are that different...if I could adopt a new born baby, I would but that's very unlikely and I would like to experience being pregnant once.  I honestly believe that my family will be created through adoption and birth, just one of those paths might be further away than I think.

Maybe it feels more cut and dry for me as I have already been approved at panel and been waiting for referral for 18 months already.

I really appreciate that social workers are trying to do the best for the children they work with, but sometimes you can feel like you are just part of a system which isn't really focusing on the individual situation.

Anyway enough from me....whichever way you cut it...its difficult making a family!
xxx

PS you guys posted whilst I was ranting...oops


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## Damelottie

It seems it is very unusual to adopt (or try) first and then ttc. Crikey - we're unusual in more ways than one   . You're quite right that the adoption process has also made it easier for me to accept the idea of donors - sperm or eggs. Do you know - I have a feeling that my family will probably consist of both too. I really do hope so


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## lulumead

Indeed...I might have to have a whole new policy created for my situation. That's what my social services say  

Hope the 12th august brings news of the first one in your family.


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## muddypaws

Hi Suzie,
Thanks for your comments but it's probably important to remember that some of this is just letting off steam...if we can't do it here where can we do it? We made this thread because some of us have been through this path and let down and need to share these experiences with other single women -there are still lots of people who have judements about single women ttc and I guess we feel quite protective of each other because of that. We all know why these rules exist but that doesn't mean that they get it right all the time or indeed that we really believe that social workers are difficult or that the child shouldn't come first. In fact I work closely with SWs, health professionals, criminal justice people etc who work both with adults and children and know alot about how it all works and have great respect for the difficult decisions that they, and I, have to make. I spend most of my time being so understanding and reasonable about everything that sometimes I just need to be able to express some less reasonable views...if i couldn't i would go insane with this reallly painful and crippling journey!!!  

Please don't worry that we are down on adoption and it's processes, just trying to get through the quagmire of emotions. The other thing is that actually, for some of us who want more than one child and who are older (me in other words!) we think that it is likely that our family will be made up, if we are lucky enough, of both natural and adoptive children but time is running out for me and the pain of having been childless for so long already makes me worry about ending up as a much older mum not just an older one. Like most of us, I have been ready to be a mother for quite some time and the heartache doesn't diminsh any with the recognition that time is running out. I understand the concept of children being let down but actually, I can't imagine pulling out of an adoption even if I did become pregnant, I wouldn't let a child down in this way and am unlikely to suddenly break any tie that has been formed. If no child had been matched though, not sure why it would be problematic to put the matching on hold for a time until the person is ready, particularly when the matching sometimes seems to take quite a long time anyway. Anyway....just my thoughts!

Really wish you the best Suzie with your process and hope that you get the lovely family that you hope for and no doubt richly deserve.

Muddylane x


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## lulumead

crikey...really depressed myself by going onto the china forecast site for adoption. My current prediction for referral is May 2013!!  oh la la...

xx

Also thought I'd post so this thread moves back nearer the top!


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## muddypaws

Yikes Lulu...is it just cos it's become so popular or is there a slow down in population growth in China? That's so far away...are you also able to go for adoption in the UK?


Muddy


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## lulumead

Yikes indeed! ... hard to know the real reason, but i think there are more people wanting to adopt from there and they are releasing less babies for intercountry adoption which is only a good thing really, as more chinese families are adopting.  I might look in UK adoption but if I get pregnant then all of that is on hold until the baby is two! (possibly not an issue with China as at the predicted rate they could be closer to 3  or 4!!  There were lots of reasons for adopting from China, but the primary one was the ability to adopt a baby under 1 year old which is very hard in the UK, although I do constantly seem to be hearing stories to the contrary.  I think it just depends where you live.

Oh well...roll on annual review in September and maybe I'll know more!

xx


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## lulumead

Annual review pre-meet scheduled with social worker the week after next! Then I have to meet with the Head honcho again!!!

Can't believe a year has passed and the only thing that's really changed is the paving in my garden. At least they can't object to that!

xx


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## Betty-Boo

Good luck - am sure they won't object to the paving!!!  It's such a long process isn't it.
Take care
R x x


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## muddypaws

That's great but I guess it must feel like a ridiculously long wait...as if the whole ttc thing wasn't bad enough! I hope that the review goes well...will you ask about UK adoption do you think? Would that take you off the China list ?


Muddylane x


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## Damelottie

Oh good luck hun.

No doubt they'll have to do a risk assessment of the paving


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## lulumead

indeed! but thankfully its quite smooth  

Muddy:  might explore Uk with them but it would take me off the China list as would getting pregnant I think, so I have to be a bit cagey about it!

xx


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## lulumead

thankfully new paving met their SW's approval!! She was lovely, as she always is and basically said that she would try to get pregnant in my position.  China seems to be in a very precarious situation re: adoption and I wouldn't be surprised if it shuts done completely soon.  She is also going to try and get it so that my adoption process can continue with approval meetings each year, if i get pregnant rather than just stopping it automatically.  Having said that i need to meet with the head of adoption services next week or week after and he might feel differently about this. Best outcome i could have at this stage, apart from a referral letter from china miracously arriving!!

xx


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## lulumead

hello - am bumping this thread up...hee hee...have my official annual review tomorrow with social worker and head of adoption, so i'll get to find out whether they are going to back my application still.  Only 318 days until china get to my paperwork but as they are still averaging 6 days a month that 53 months away from now. Oh la la....

Will update tomorrow.  Must remember to buy some milk, I've got the chocolate biscuits in!

xx


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## Felix42

Lulu, wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow. Hope all goes well. Sounds like its moving in the right direction.  

Love & hugs, Felix xx


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## Damelottie

​. I always have everything crossed for you 

I've had a very pi$$ed off, angry, sad, stressed bl00dy adoption day today  . I don't think it'll ever go away actually - just got to accept it'll be with me forever. Just read something today that wound me up again


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## lulumead

thanks Felix and Lady Lottie. x

LL: sorry you've had such a horrible day...PM me if you want to get it off your chest...sometimes hard to let rip in public!  I've had a couple of incidences of people pi$$ing me off and being quite insensitive.  Of course it will be with you, adoption is a hard journey too and you have had to deal with a very difficult situation from the sounds of it. big  . hope tomorrow is easier.

xx


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## Damelottie

Thanks ladies  

It'll pass as today goes on. It wasn't anything anybody said on purpose - just a story I read that brough back some painful memories. They're never far under the surface anyway.   

 Lulu - let us know how you get on today xxxxx


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## lulumead

Big   Ladylots!

Today went really well.  I'm so lucky that my social worker is so supportive. Both her and the head of adoption agreed to make a recommendation to panel for advice, suggesting that if I were to have a birth child, they would continue to support my application unless they felt I was no longer able to cope.  This would mean observing me and birth child when they were 6 months and writing a statement to add to my current report which would go to panel, and they would want 22 months age gap between birth and adopted child.  They are hoping to take this to panel in february.  They keep going on about how open and honest I was discussing the options with them before going ahead with any of it - I felt bad that i was further in my thinking than I let on, but I haven't actually had anything done yet. I'm really pleased that they are going to do this but now I'm wondering if I should wait on IUI treatment until I know the outcome.  If panel agree with their advice then would it matter if I was already a few weeks pregnant (or would social services be annoyed that i hadn't been upfront about being further in my thinking), and after all i could start soon and it take months...or do I chance doing TTC not knowing what panel thinks as ultimately if they say no, do I then just wait for china as having birth child would rule this out??  and of course, I'm currently having wobbles about not knowing enough about a donor - i.e. what am I doing making a baby with a stranger...has anyone else felt these moments...or am i going  ?  oh la la...roll on NYC I think I need a few days off!

any thoughts much appreciated...
xx


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## lulumead

got a call from my social worker yesterday saying that they took my case to panel, and are continuing to approve my adoption and that any change of circumstances will need to be updated and taken back to panel.  Basically Panel agreed what she suggested...no guarantees that I will still be considered ok to adopt when it comes to it but at least it doesn't rule it totally out of the question.

xx


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## suitcase of dreams

That's great news Lulu...

And good luck with the next IUI too!

Suitcase
x


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## Roo67

Thats good news that they are continuing to support your adoption.

roo x


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## Betty-Boo

Thats fab news lulu...
Mini x x


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## lulumead

thanks  - I'm feeling pretty lucky even though i couldn't persuade the american to stay and have babies...at least I got a good kissing!
xx


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## Sima

Great news on both front Lulu   

Get the mistleto out   and sneak in a few more snogs before the year is out.


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## lulumead

just a shame I'd have to fly to NY or LA to snog him...   oh well, its better then nothing...he just texted to say he can't wait to meet my baby! which is nice and weird all at once.

xx


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## Betty-Boo

I'm sooooooooo jealous - good snogging always works forme lulu!
At least he's open in his thoughts about what your plans are - when's he next over
mini x x


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## lulumead

no idea...  I need to raise money on the project we're working on before he can come back...i can always go to NY, I have keys to his flat...I might start stalking him  

xx


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## lulumead

just bumping this thread back up to the front!

Slowly getting the money for my production which means NYC man will be back in August and December..am very happy about that plus am now having fortnightly telephone meets    

Adoption is just ridiculous, my current prediction for referral is January 2015!     That would make the whole process nearly 9 years.  Am hoping it speeds up a bit but not too much just in case I do get pregnant, I need some gap between them.

xx


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## lulumead

oh joy  ...rumour that swine flu might shut down china adoptions for a month...so hard for people waiting to fly out there.
x


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## lulumead

bumping this thread up!

Not that there is any news...China still on the go slow...my referral possibility has now moved to February 2015...meaning a labour of 9 years if it takes that long -  enough to drive anyone  

Hoping to see the speed up for referrals that they keep talking about.

xx


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## Damelottie

Oh my goodness me.
Could you become an ugly, untalented, cult following lunatic and speed it up somewhere else?!
Funnily enough - my adoption fiasco has been on my mind a bit in the last few weeks. All linked in somehow with current circumstances I'm sure.
Oh I do hope things happen quicker for you xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lulumead

thanks ladylots!  At least should give me time to pop one out before I have to go to China!

How you feeling about Friday?
x


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## lulumead

It's lonely here on the adoption thread  

Just booked in my third annual review with lovely social worker for 9 Oct...then with Head of Adoption in December before he retires.

Prediction has moved to Feb 2015...gives the first one time to start school I suppose  

xx


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## Betty-Boo

Lulu all the best for your next review - its a real shame things keep slipping back for you. 
I was gonna start the home study program up here next month - have put it back until next year - gotta give this DEIVF another go I think.

You take care thinking of you x x


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## Felix42

My goodness Lulu, that adoption journey is a marathon.  Definitely a younger sibling for your oldest at this rate. 

love & hugs
Felix xx


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## lulumead

that's what I'm thinking, felix...just as long as China don't close the programme down in the meantime. Its nice to know its plodding along, so if IVF doesn't work then I know I will be a mum at some point.

Mini: you can join me with IVF 1st one and adopted second  

xx


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## Betty-Boo

Lulu - sounds a great idea!!!!
Count me in!!!!


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

Lulu what a very long journey!  Hope your next review goes well ... each little step is that little bit closer x


----------



## Damelottie

Hope all OK at the review Lulu xxxx


----------



## lulumead

Phew - lovely social worker all ok with everything...willing my IVF to work which is lovely.

Official review with the head honcho in December....in the meantime I have to pay for another medical!!! And so the process drags on...

She suggested Russian...if anyone is interested in intercountry adoption.  But it costs about £20K in total.

Lxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - glad everything ok on the adoption front .... its never ending!!!
Mine's all on hold now ... never mind .... perhaps I am destined to meet the man of my dreams in the falklands and fall au naturel

Big hugs x


----------



## lulumead

mini - that would be soooo fantastic...I would love that to happen...and you just never know.  At least make sure you get a good load of action for the next 6 months!
My regular special friends with benefits all seem to think it would be weird to indulge if I'm pregnant    so get it in before then!

xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Ha ha ha .... at the mo I feel like a born again virgin!!!     and after winky's dream (she dreamt I came back pregnant - but didn't know who the father was as I was making up for lost time!!   )  

Take care honey x x


----------



## Sima

That's one way of making your six months down under fly past!  Let's hope you come back with a bump and a new man after all you need some upside to all this


----------



## lulumead

exactly Sima!  They has to be some perks.  

Hope you get some fun out of it!

Whats the time difference? Maybe we should have Mini Chat room sessions and you can update us...or skype us with men and parade them in front of us!!

xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - now that's an idea - think they're about 4 hours behind us ... will have to check!!  How exciting!!!!  Of course anyone special WILL be vetted by my FF friends ..... and have to under go strict testing!!!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Lulu - I heard some negagive things about Russia. Friends of mine in the US wanted to adopt from Russia because she speaks Russian (I met her when I was studying Russian) and they looked into it but they found that many children adopted from Russia turn out to have disabilities etc which were not declared beforehand. They now have two gorgeous little boys from South Korea - although I hear South Korea has now closed its doors to foreign adopters....

Glad your meeting with SW went OK  

Suitcase
x


----------



## lulumead

Hello all,

Just had my official annual review.  They are continuing to recommend me, phew!  Roll on 2015, the current prediction of referral from China   

xx


----------



## indekiwi

Crikey Lulu, this is turning into the proverbial marathon.  You will likely have a tribe of bubs by the time you pick up your last little cherub in 2015!  At least, I hope so....    

A-Mx


----------



## Felix42

Congratulations Lulu! My that's a wait though isn't it? Well done you to keep persevering and as Inde says he or she will make a great sibling to the rest of your family by then. 
Love & hugs, Felix xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Fab news lulu ..... does seem an age away but the time will fly past and boy will it be worth it!! Quite excited for you x x


----------



## lulumead

thanks lovelies
xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi all, i am new on here since last night.
I am a single female, 30 yrs old and started the ball rolling yday for the adoption road.
Any information would be greatly appreciated. I have been doing a lot of researching on the internet and dvd's etc but from reading a few things just have a couple of questions - hope thats ok  . . . . . .
Does anyone know if the fact that i can have biological children of my own if i chose to, could hinder me in adopting in any way?? Just to make that clear, i'm not intending to at the moment as i am single but do hope 1 day in yrs to come i will but have been interested in adoption for some time and its something i feel very strongly about!
Also does anyone know much about the heritage/race side of things? I have no preference at all on what race i am matched with but have heard that they do like to keep the cultures the same as much as possible, but what about mixed race ??
Many thanks to you all xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Welcome KK to the single girls thread, my single friend is mixed race (or dual heritage as her social worker tells her) she has a black caribbean father and a white english mother. She has been approved to adopt an under 2 black or mixed race child, they did say that if she was wanting a white baby girl she would be waiting a long time, but she lives in a London Borough that had 64 black or mixed race children (of all ages awaiting adoption) she ahs been offer 3 children but then she has experienced health probs needed ops so has had to put it on hold until this year
l x


----------



## kittykat1234

Ohhhh ok thats inteersting to know, thank you jj1. I am not of mixed race/heritage so not sure if i would be matched with the mixed race children but hopefully because i have no prefernece in this that i may do as i have been told there are more mixed race children available cause most white couples or singles want white babies - not sure how true this is though. I am really looking forward to all the groups and meetings etc, i have so many questions and things i want to know, soooooo excited!! 
Do you know at all if the face that i can have children of my own may hinder me in any way? I havnt got any but hope to in yrs to come, no time soon though obiously! 
Many thanks again xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

my friend was of child bearing age and never attempted to get pregnant herself, this was her chosen route.
L x


----------



## lulumead

Hello kittykat

the fact that you don't have children but might want to in the future is not a problem but you would need to demonstrate how you will deal with this situation during the process.
In terms of being white and adopting a mixed race child, I asked my social worker this question and the answer was basically its possible but you need to demonstrate how you would meet that child's cultural needs - how to deal with afro hair for instance...something which when black children were adopted into white families in the 60's & 70's just wasn't thought about. So again something you would need to discuss during your home assessment. My adoption team had placed two mixed dual heritage children with white single mothers but in both cases they had been their foster parent first, so the attachment was strong enough to warrant them staying in that family.
Also not to be depressing but single parents are the bottom of the list with adoption, ideally they like heterosexual couples to adopt then same sex and then singlies!  Its tough to adopt babies under the age of 2, but if you are willing to adopt sibling groups then that makes you a good prospect!

You might also want to research the concurrency programme run by the Coram Foundation.

Good luck with it all....I've been through the process so am really happy to help in anyway.  I started off adopting from China back in 2006 and have been held in a massive slow down so am now on the fertility route which I did have to get clearance from my social worker before starting as the general policy is that if you get pregnant then the adoption process stops. Just something to keep in mind.

Very exciting to be moving ahead. 

Lxx


----------



## Damelottie

Hello KittyKat

Certainly in my area it was OK for me (white British) to adopt child/ren from a different ethnic background. I was matched once with a little boy - it didn't progress as he was removed from the system for further assessment. They wanted me to demonstrate how I would help and support him with his different culture/religion.

Good luck

LL xxxx


----------



## kittykat1234

Once again thank you all soooooooooo much - really you are all soooooo kind and helpful  
LL - thats great to hear as i just wasn't sure if being single and white it would ne possible or not! I have just been reading the dual heritage threads and i am definately going to do some research on how to promote the different back grounds and i already do have some ideas on how i would do this! I am very lucky in that i have friends of both white and mixed race and 1 is a afro carribean hair dresser so could be very handy! 
Lulumead - thank you thats a real help! I was hoping that being at child bearing age and already knowing i can have children (long story), wouldnt hinder me as i am not doing this adoption as a means to fill a gap as i could much easier go and get pregnant than to go through all this but to give a baby/child a home and loving family and future is my biggest wish ever!! Yes i am getting to realise that the babies are few and far between but being single i really dont think trying to take on an older child would be appropriate, in a relationship i wouldnt hesitate). You are the 3 rd person to mention this concurrency to me which i am going to google now - thank you again!
JJ1 - thank you once again too for all your help so far!
Good luck to you all at your different stages and this was the best thing i did finding this site!! I havnt even told my parents yet and not all my friends but they know its always been an interest, i just dont wany anyone saying i am too young or that i should be waiting for mr right to come along! Its not about that, its about giving a child who needs me now a home!! Why wait!! xxxx


----------



## kittykat1234

Just thought this link may be helpful to anyone who is wishing to adopt very young babies xx

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/pregnancyandbaby/fertility/adoption/articles/0,,6_177611-1,00.html

/links


----------



## lulumead

Hi Kittykat,

I think social workers do understand that you might want to give a child a home as you've said, and that in the future you might get married and have your own children - their concern will be whether you have thought through those implications and how you would manage this....it felt very weird for me having to explain how i would introduce a future partner to my non-existant adopted child!!! You just need to be prepared that you will be questioned on this, so you need to be clear in your head so you can convince them! I really enjoyed my home study but I was lucky to have a brilliant and supportive social worker.  From 1st contacting my social services to starting my home study was about 4 months, and then it took me 6 months to get to panel.  I had interviews every couple of weeks, had to do a 3 day course, my parents and two sets of friends who were my referees were interviewed....they got asked lots of questions about why they thought i was single, how they felt I'd deal with it etc etc. When I went through this I was told that whilst adopting a child under two was not impossible it was likely to be a long wait, 2/3 years which at the time seemed like forever...and my china adoption was predicted to only take about 2/2.5 years from start to finish...oh the irony!
I've not given up on UK adoption but I would go into assuming that I'd be very lucky to be placed with a child under the age of 2 and that more likely they would be between the ages of 4 - 6 years. The other thing to consider if how much contact the child has with their birth family and how comfortable you feel with that.

Sorry, you've probably thought about of this!!! 

One of the key things you need to demonstrate is a strong support network and especially how you access child's heritage through your network.  There are loads of books about inter-racial adoption, which I know in general is not considered the best option for children within the adoption field but I find it very frustrating when you think some children then don't find families. Would make more sense to give them the stability and then offer those families additional support to ensure they can support all that child's needs.  I'll stop ranting now....

Good luck...I'd be interested to hear what you social services say about inter-racial adoption...its sometimes hard to know if social services have their own take on things or it is general practice!

You sound like you are doing adoption for the same reasons that I did...I always and still do, see it as a positive choice rather than a last resort. And I think if you believe that then the social workers will see that too  
x


----------



## lulumead

hi kittykat
thanks for the link....thats basically the Coram concurrency programme I mentioned!

the hard thing is that you have to take the baby every week to see their birth parents and in the beginning you are only fostering them, I could never work out how you could do that with work, as I'm sure you wouldn't be able to have adoption leave as only fostering....

hmmmm.... let me know if you find out more!
I do know someone who has adopted through this scheme.
xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Wow, so much to think about! I would really have to think twice about all this if i did get told i could only adopt an older child. Not because i dont want to but being single i just dont think it would be the sensible thing to do and also all my experience is with babies and toddlers but the main reason is being on my own and not feeling i would cope with an older child and it having more of an understanding of whats going on. Lets hope i can be offered a younger child. I am in no rush particularly and am hoping with my age,experience of babies and toddlers,good friends who can all vouch for me,good job and home and having NO preference on sex or heritage, that all that will go in my favour! I have already looked into all the child minders and nurseries in my area and made a list of things i would do to promote the childs background if it were to be mixed - bit premature but been looking into all this for a long time now.
Yes the new future partner (where ever he is  ) i can see being a good question point and i guess i can see why. I hope all my answers and ideas will be sufficent as i have a few friends who have parted with their childs father and have had to think about how the best way is to introduce the new bf into the childs life so i have learnt a lot from them aswell as having my own views etc.
It sounds a very gruelling process, are you waiting to be matched now then as it sounds like you have been through it all? What sort of age group did you specify?
Yes i will definately keep you posted and many thanks again. I am now soooooooooo interested to see what their views are on the age side of things and the heritage side but i guess all that will become clear as i get further on. I am also a bit undecided as to which LA to go for. I requeated details from  one but i am about the same distance from Birmingham too so may see what they have to say, unless it has to be the one you are actually under and then its the worcester one.
Anyway chat soon   xx


----------



## lulumead

hi Kittykat,

I'm waiting for my referral from CHina, slightly different process when intercountry.

I think home study is done by your resident local authority (LA) but you can then apply to adopt children from across the country not just your LA.

All your prep sounds brilliant...the more you can show you know and have thought about it the better.  I too had lots of experience with babies and toddlers but as the general theory with social work here is that children should stay with birth families as long as possible and supported in that way, this means its often a long time before children are placed for adoption and by then have been in and out of foster homes. There are of course exceptions and I've heard of people who have adopted babies or younger children but generally that has been couples...and my LA were clear that it was very unlikely although not impossible. Maybe if I pursued it now they would push for me to be placed with a baby.

The home study is pretty gruelling but as long as you are comfortable with what you are doing and are honest, it will be fine. I enjoyed it!!  Made me think about everything and has also been great prep for trying with IVF.  Bit weird talking about all your past boyfriends, being questioned about why you are single, how you'd discipline a child, what your childhood was like etc etc etc.

Good luck...keep on prepping, maybe read some adoption books too. I found them really useful as there are additional things to consider than ordinary parenting. My social worker calls it parenting plus!

xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Ohhhhh i see! I looked at international adoption for quite a while but there are sooooo many restrictions! Guatemala and china were my main countries but Guatemala has closed its programme and i have read and been told that you have to be a married couple now to adopt from china? I beleive that only changed in the past few yrs so cause you started yours in 2006 is that why you can still adopt from there?
Yes i certainly have lots to be looking into and getting ready! I am doing little easy things at the moment like printing off all the registered child minders in my area and nurseries so if i were to be asked i would have the info ready. Also i am looking into afro carribean hairdressers by me incase i were to be asked about how i would deal with this if matched with a mixed race child as i have read on here that i would be asked about all that sort of thing! I do have a friend who does this but want to be able to show i have looked into this also. Both are v v premature things to be doing but want to get organised and prepared!
I am also working my way through all the topics on here and writting down as much as i can - who needs books hey  
Things like 'how would i go about introducing a new partner into the childs life' and how i would discipline a child etc are things which i know how i would answer and what to say but just need to get it all worded correctly so it all comes accross well! I am constantly watching super nanny etc so need all that fresh in my head  
Can you reccomend any good books? Also i have seen a lot on here about the support network. Is this people who will be playing a part in the childs life or people who will be a part of the adoption journey and there to support me if i needed a babysitter etc?
If there is anything else you could help me with as to what else i could do or be prepared for, obviously when you get a moment i would be sooooooo grateful!!
Please keep me posted on your china journey too!! How exciting which i really hope does happen sooner than they have predicted as the wait must be so hard!! I wish you all the luck xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi there,

Me again!

More questions - well only one actually  

If i were to meet someone when i am part of the way through the adoption process would this affect the process in any way and if so how?
Any info would be great!
xx


----------



## Damelottie

Hello KittyKat

So sorry I haven't replied to your PM yet 
In reply to your question - there are actually very few 'written policies' regarding what will or won't affect you being able to adopt. Untimately it is the decision of a panel - who are given a report from your SW that might, or might not, support you. Ultimately, it is only the panel and then the 'decision maker' who can decide. 
So it is difficult to say whether meeting somebody half way through would stop any adoption. However, it would obviously mean your circumstances have changed so your assessment might need to start again. If the new partner was going to be involved with the child/ren on a regular basis, they are likely to want to at least meet them. If there could be a lot of involvement then they _might_ need to be assessed too.

I think it is likely they would want to be sure that your new relationship wasn't going to take your commitment away from the child/ren.

In some respects I suppose it could be compared to starting a relationship whilst pregnant. I couldn't have imagined it myself, but some people do.

Love

LL x


----------



## kittykat1234

Thank you for that info,  really do appreciate your help and advice! Its kind of what i thought would be the case but just thought i would ask you guys  
Its definately one for the sw when i get to that stage. xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi there all,

Another question . . . . .

I am not 100% sure what the support network means? I am guessing they mean people around me ie friends and family who i can name who will be there for me to rely on for help and support though out the process and afterwards. Is this correct? I have been gradually asking friends and family and have 1 friend come back with ' so what does this mean cause we wont be able to help with babysitting a lot as we have 2 kids of our own to deal with)!!! Its just really put me in a   mood as so far everyone has ben soooooooo positive and she and her husband were a couple who i am close too and who i really thought i would be able to rely on for all this!! Dont get me wrong i am not planning on asking anyone to babysit at all for a long time after i get the child for obvious reasons but if i ever do have too it certainly wont be a lot!!!
Please can anyone just let me know what is expected of the support network, thank you xxx


----------



## lulumead

they bascially just want to know who you have around you to support you...its everything from friends and family, local networks you might build etc....I don't think it sounds like you have anything to worry about. The crucial thinks is to get a couple of supportive people to be your referees as they will be interviewed.

xx


----------



## kittykat1234

As I thought  

Thank you once again Lulumead - hope all is good with you  

xxx


----------



## Grace10704

Hi Kittykat
I haven't read through all this thread yet so someone might have already said all of this.....
However, I have a friend who is an adoption social worker (doing the assessments of adopters rather than the kids).  She told me of a single mum who she strongly recommended for adoption.  She said the thing that most impressed her was the understanding the woman had about the implications of adoption for a child especially into a solo parent household with an older than average mum (mum to be was about 42 I think).  She had achieved this by linking with local adoption support groups & making personal contact with other people in the area both on line & in person.  So I think that the "support network" bit is really about having people around you who understand some of the things that an adopted child might feel and being able to be consistent with you in their responses to them cos they have that understanding.  Getting to know other local adopters could be a way forward.
Anyway, sorry if this says exactly what others have already said!!! Good luck with the sw assessments & hope you have a match very very soon.


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi Grace,

Many many thanks for your help in the mesage!
I hadn't even realised there were such things as support groups etc and that would obviously be an excellent thing to be part of so i have just called the LA i am going through the process with and they have given me some contact details for some coffee mornings etc  
I have also ordered some suggested books to read, dvd's,i am on this forum and have subscribed to Be my parent too.
I start some voluntary work exp next friday too at a local nursery. I have lots of friends with children who i have baby sat a lot for and had  alot of involvement with so I am hoping i will be in with a good chance of being approved.
I am constantly researching into this process, issues the kids can have and how to deal with them and all about the sw vistis and hs!
Anything else you think may be of use please message me!
Thank you again xxx


----------



## lulumead

Kitty-kat, you are totally doing all the right things    

xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Lulumead  -      

xxxxxxxx


----------



## Damelottie

It all sounds fab KittyKat


----------



## kittykat1234

Thank you soooo much ladylottie     xxxx


----------



## herbaltea

Hello everyone - didn't know this board existed so can I join you all  

I'm at the very beginning of the adoption journey - have my info meeting with LA on the 19th Feb and am also awaiting a sw visit from my VA as I'm not totally sure which agency to go with yet.


----------



## lulumead

Brilliant news Herbaltea...so exciting to get going isn't it   

Keep us updated...I'm liking that this thread is a bit busier...was just me for a while....and you'll probably be placed with children before I am!!  See signature...very long story!

Lxx


----------



## Damelottie

Hello herbaltea  

Welcome - I'm glad you found us.

LL xx


----------



## ljgibbins

Hi

It seems a while since anyone posted on here, is there another/busier thread?

Lisa


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi Lisa,

Yes the adoption virgins one that you first posted on seems to be where we all gather  

But like i said, the singlies that i know of on here are me, herbaltea and tegan-marie, ohh and carebear who has been placed with a little one a while now  

Hope you are ok  and pm (private message) me anytime you want xxx


----------



## lulumead

hello...I think I'm the only active adopter on this thread at the moment! and I'm stuck in the go-slow from China!!!

Feel free to post here though as its nice to keep the thread active.  I have nothing to report so it does tend to drop down the list.
x


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi Lulumead  

Sorry to hear it's slow going!

How long have you been on this road so far?

I always thought i would go international, until i heard about the cost and the time frame! 

Also, can you adopt from china as a singlie now then as i thought a stop had been put on? Or did you apply before the stop was put on?

Any idea when you may be matched?? xx


----------



## lulumead

Hi KittyKat

I see from your ticker that your home study has started how exciting.

I went through the process in 2006 and at that stage the prediction was a two and half year wait....here I am 4 years later and still counting, currently the prediction is 2015 before match...which would be 9 years     so who knows if it will happen.  I'd be very interested to hear if your social services gave any indication about age of child available for adoption...one of my primary reasons for adopting from China was being able to adopt a baby under the age of 1, as single white woman in the UK this seemed almost impossible.

How you finding the process so far?
xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Hi Lulumead,

Wow, that's a hell of a wait isn't it!! It's unbeleivable how long they are taking!!

Well my hs hasn't started yet, i had my initial home visit nearly 3 weeks ago and i received the letter friday night to say i had been put forward to the next stage which is the prep course and this is september as the april and june ones are full which is fine for me as will give me more time to read and go on more courses etc  

Re age, my age range is 0-3 as this is what i was told i would have to put it at if i wanted young. The majority of children that seem to be placed are about between 1 and 2, from speaking to people who have and are going through the same LA as me, 18 months is very common, if that's the right word!  

But . . . . . . . there are 3 woman on the auk website that i keep in touch with who were all placed with 6,7 and 9 month old babies. They said they just stuck to their guns and a match came about for them  

Ideally i would like a baby 0-12 months but because i have no known fertility problems, i am not so set on having the "baby" experience if that makes sense, so a child slightly older that i feel is right i would accept  

I get BMP every month and there is always at least 1 baby in there, usually of a different heritage but generally healthy and not  alot else wrong, so maybe that could be an option for you, but you would have to work on the promiting the different heritage thing, as i am as i don't have a preference on heritage at all. 

Another option you could consider is concurrent adoption. I was told about this but for me i didn't feel it was right, but they place babies, sometimes straight from the hospital as you start off fostering them. I spoke to a lady who did this and she said yes there is the risk they can be returned to birth family but that it is very rare, but you could find all this and more out when you go to 1 of their info sessions. Just another thought for you  

Hope this has helped and you can watch my journey and see what happens with me  

So are you approved and just now waiting for a match? Or are you yet to be approved? Is it the same process even though you are going international?? 

xxx


----------



## lulumead

hi kittykat,

I know a couple of people who have done concurrency...but I too thought it would be too hard to do on my own. Not really sure how I would be able to stay at home as technically I would only be fostering at that point and therefore not entitled to adoption leave, plus it can take two-three years to be placed on that programme too.

My process was exactly the same. I was approved at panel on 12 July 2006, and my papers have been logged in China since Dec 2006. I have no issue at all about different heritage and I discussed this at my annual review with social worker who said not out of realms of possibility but in general they had only placed children of different heritage with single white women who had already been their foster mothers.  I was basically told that through UK adoption I would be placed with child probably aged between 4 and 6, and that single women are now bottom of the pile after couples whether different or same sex. But every LA seems to say something different...I suspect if you hold out you can get matched with a young baby...would be interested in here how long the women you know had to wait for.  I really enjoyed my prep course although it was hard going as it presents the worst case scenarios at all times to try and put you off i think!! Basically with intercountry adoption the basic premise of the course seems to be that you will end up adopting a child who is severely damaged and will never lead a productive life, will hate you and have massive issues no matter what you do!!! oh and they will probably be full of disease when you adopt them.....!!!!  Didn't put me off though    It just feels right. Haven't ruled out domestic adoption and that might be how I go about number 2.

How are your LA about the different heritage thing?  I always found it weird that they were happy to approve me for an inter-racial adoption from another country but to do that within UK seemed a much bigger deal.

Also what LA do you come under? It's interesting that there seem to be a lot of under 3 placements.
xx


----------



## some1

Just wanted to bump this thread up to the front page as I have seem some discussion about adoption on the negative thread.  

I don't have much knowledge at all about adoption, but I do know that the situation does vary a lot in different authorities and that when an adoption includes the condition that some contact is maintained with the birth family this is done in the best interests of the child.  

Like I said, I am no expert and I'm sure that someone who knows more will be along soon, but I just wanted to make sure anyone who has read the posts on the negative thread also has the opportunity to read this thread.

Some1

xx

PS There is at least one Single FFer (carebear1) who has successfully adopted (a 19 month old girl) so, although it can be a very, very difficult process it can happen.


----------



## lulumead

Thanks Someone!


My china adoption continues to drag on.....getting even slower this month the prediction of when it might happen moved from April 2015 to September 2015. GULP.


xx


----------



## some1

Wow Lulu - what a long, drawn out process!  Must be so frustrating for you   .  It is incredible that it is going to end up taking 9+ years to happen.  What will be the next stage for you?  Is it matching or will you have more hoops to jump through first?

Some1

xx


----------



## lulumead

arghhh..third try at posting a reply, my internet keeps cutting out!


Anyway, thanks Someone...yes its ridiculously long, have to laugh about it otherwise would   .  Am hoping it ends up being more like 6/7 years.  I feel sorry for people who are older then me who had been through years of fertility treatment and now feel like they will be too old to do the adoption if it takes that long.  I just have to wait for matching now and have annual reviews with my lovely social worker.  I have talked to her about my TTC and she even took it to panel for them to agree that they would continue to assess if I could adopt rather than just stopping the adoption which is what they normally do if you get pregnant, so i feel very supported.


Roll on 2015 ;-)


Your LO is lovely by the way.
xx


----------



## Damelottie

Good idea Some1   

Lulu - Oh I just want to go grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr when I read your adoption (ongoing) story.

Ahh yes, Carebear is doing so well. Her ** things are always lovely. I think JJ1 also has a single friend who has positively adopted.

As you all know my experience was horendous and very negative indeed - adding to my ttbm journey of 10+. But I do think - and    - that it is a more 'normal' thing now for singles to adopt so hopefully there are many more positive stories then negative. When I applied I was only the 2nd that ever had in my authority and I don't think they ever really did know what to do with me    .

I believe there are a few here going through at the moment.

Lots of love

LL x


----------



## digroon

Hi

I'm single, 29 and considering adoption. Just wondering if anyone who is in the process or who has been through it can give me an idea of their employment situation? This is the main thing that is holding me back from pursuing it more. I work full time and can't envisage being able to reduce my hours by much as I need to be responsible about supporting myself (and a child) financially. Worried this would rule me out. Any thoughts/experiences?

Thanks!


----------



## Damelottie

Hello Digroon   

Mmm - its the same dilemma for ttc a baby. I don't think any of us can imagine managing on a reduced salary   . However, the things to take into account are that you can claim the working/child elemants of the tax credits - which help if you have to cut your work hours and/or pay for childcare. You will also be eligible for child benefit.
Some authorities pay an adoption allowance - but the criteria for that varies from place to place so worth checking. I rejigged my mortgage around so my monthly payments were less.

Its still tough to make ends meet but I think it is for many people with little ones.

Good luck

LL x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

My friend also works full time as a nurse, and they were fine with this, they would like her to take 6 months off, and she gets the same package of adoption leave as mat leave. After that it would be the same dilema as any other mother returning to work as LL says.  My friend was in a Borough that did pay adoption allowances as well, but she didn't know this at the time
l


----------



## digroon

Thanks for your replies. I'm a midwife so similar position really. I just get a negative vibe about single adopters and full time work from all the info out there but like you say a lot of families juggle full time work anyway. I suppose there's only one way to find out!

Thanks again. The discussion on here is really helpful!


----------



## Damelottie

Good luck with it.
You can't not be approved because you work full-time, but it might mean that it would be difficult to adopt some children. My hats off to anybody who manages to be a mum and work full-time


----------



## lulumead

Hello Digroon


I was approved in 2006...long process to china..but anyway it was fine that i work fulltime. I was expected to take adoption leave which you get paid the same as maternity leave and be open to the idea of changing work pattern depending on child's need.


Good luck with it. Exciting.   
xx


----------



## kittykat1234

Hey digroon,

I am 31 and have just started the adoption road, prep course in sept!
This was also a big concern of mine, with being single and obviously having to pay bills and look after myself and a little one. Anyway over the last few months i have been looking into any benefits i would receive, which i do, these are working family tax credit, child benefit and i think child tax credit. I have also started up a savings account which i have a SO going into each month ready for when i take adoption leave as i am hoping to take a year so need as much as poss saved!
My LA did say that they would expect a minimum of 6 months to be taken and if this was not possible then this could cause a big problem. 
Like one of the other girls said also, the adoption leave is the same as the mat leave and SAP is the same too as long as you have been in the same employment where you are now for a certain amount of time. There are threads on SAP , i did one so have a peep if you havn't already. 
Hope this helps and good luck with everything xxx


----------



## lulumead

Bumping this!!!


have my annual review on Monday for China adoption...still looking at 2015 before I get a referral...I think I might be   


Anyone else on here?
xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

LuLu I hope ti goes well- it is such a travesty tht you have to wait so long!
L x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu all the best honey x x x


----------



## greatgazza

Good luck Lulu.

I do find it quite staggering how long it takes.  I know it's only what i've seen from celebs and in the press but i had always thought adopting from abroad was a 'cinch' compared to over here? It seems even harder and i'm really surprised.

GG x


----------



## lulumead

Thanks everyone.


Most of the celebs are americans and they have a different system to us   !


China should have been 2-3 years when I started so in theory I would have a two-year old by now...but I have got stuck in a massive slow down with a possibility that the whole thing will stop before my papers reach the top of the pile.  I could switch countries, and might investigate that.  If I can get pregnant again and have a baby it might work out well with China not happening til 2015 but who knows.


Feel a bit fed up by it all at the moment....hard to keep believing its going to work out at some point. Hey ho...


xx


----------



## greatgazza

Sorry you're struggling Lulu, you must have the patience of a saint to have waited this long as it is.

I'm just curious, and i hope you don't mind me asking, had you always planned to try and have your own baby as well as adopting one?  So even if you get pregnant you were still planning on adopting a child?

I guess it's so often seen as a 'last resort' or 'back-up' plan that i was just curious.

GG x


----------



## lulumead

Hi GG
Don't mind you asking at all.
When I started investigating adoption I was only 33, naively I thought I would adopt by about 35/36, then meet the man of my dreams and still have time to pop out a couple more    I felt that I had been quite organised and proactive about it all.  Hmmm... Didn't quite pan out like that.  5 years later and nada!!!


I know I want to have more than one child so I think that its very likely that will be birth & adopted or maybe I'll adopt a sibling group if birth child doesn't come off.  I just want to be a mum, would like to experience being pregnant if I can but being someone's mum is most important.


I have never seen adoption as a last resort, but I think even social services struggle with people who actively choose it before having tried to have babies the  'normal' way!!


xxx


----------



## greatgazza

Lulu

i think what you're doing is amazing and i really wish you so much luck and success with it.   

Having been reading a bit on this thread i was having a look on the main adoption thread and i noticed that one couple had their home study in april 09 and got their little boy (age 1 i think) on 16th november this year.  Is it much more difficult for singlies to adopt than couples?  Had you decided on abroad/china in particular due to any reason with it being difficult over here or just because you saw a need for a child to have a home from wherever in the world?

Adoption isn't really something i had considered (in the past i nearly got to the stage of doing 'supported lodgings' where a child leaving care needs somewhere to move on to and have support and mentoring), and when people who know about my tx journey ask me if i have considered adoption i just always thought that being single and trying to adopt was just a no-no i.e. incredibly difficult and very unlikely.  I also thought age had something to do with it and isn't looked too favourably upon the older you are?

Be as honest and blunt as you like about my age i don't mind, just be interested in the options.

GG x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

GG - I spoke to a couple of adoption agencies/local authorities before my last cycle of tx (I was convinced it wouldn't work and that I would instead go down the adoption path)
I was told that age was not necessarily a barrier but that it would be very unlikely as a single 40 something that I would be able to adopt a baby, or indeed a toddler. They told me that realistically I needed to be thinking about a school age child, a sibling group (assuming I had the space for this at home) or a child with disabilities. The babies and toddlers tend to go to couples

I live in Surrey/Hampshire though where there are overall less children up for adoption and a wealth of suitable couples out there waiting to adopt them. I believe in London and other parts of the country the situation may be different and there are quite a few stories on the Adoption UK chat boards from single women who have adopted babies/toddlers very successfully so nothing is impossible   

However, that said, it was made very clear to me when I spoke to these people that whilst I would be welcome to apply, they had limited experience of dealing with single applicants (as I say, may be purely due to the area I live in) and were not optimistic about a quick match, nor about matching me with a younger child (which is what I had stated I wanted - ie pre school)

Suitcase
x


----------



## lulumead

Hi GG, what Suity says sounds similar to my Local Authority. Its not impossible for single (white) woman to adopt babies/toddlers but you are essentially bottom of the list...couples straight, couples gay, then single woman is how the pecking order runs according to my LA.  I think if you wanted to adopt a sibling group then its more likely that there would be a younger one in that mix. (sounds horrible talking about children like this!)  I was told when I started that if I wanted a  child under 2 it would probably take  along time to match - ironically quicker than China has now taken.


I chose China as I wanted to adopt as young as possible and most babies are around 9 months when referred from China. There are also plenty of families who have done this and a strong network which I felt was very important for any child that i adopted that they knew others who shared a similar experience. Being trans-racially adopted of course has its issues.


As a single woman, both Ethiopia and Russia are still options and both move fairly quickly.  I might investigate Ethiopia. Russia is very expensive but again I might find out a bit more.


I haven't ruled out UK adoption and if I find that fertility treatment is leading nowhere and China looks unlikely to happen then I will switch to UK and maybe adopt a sibling group.  I'll talk to my social worker about this too I think. Might be something I do in a couple of years time.


If you are interested in adopting a tiny baby you could look at the concurrency programme run by the Coram foundation. You basically foster a small or newborn baby whilst their birth parent gets themselves together and if all works out then the baby goes back to them. In about 90% of the cases the babies are adopted by the families that have been fostering them. I know single woman have done this scheme., but its tough emotionally which is why I haven't pursued it...although never say never.


The main thing with adoption is that it takes around 6 -  9 month to be assessed and then you have to wait to be matched which sometimes happens fast and sometimes can be a long wait. You also have to have finished all fertility treatment. I have special allowance from my LA as I talked to them about pursuing treatment whilst I was waiting and discussed the implications. They agreed to keep my approval open under the rulings that if I had a baby they would monitor how I was coping for the 1st 6 months, write a report to see if they still felt I was able to adopt, and that they would want 20 months age gap between the babies. I was amazed they agreed this, as it would have been hard to give up the adoption and hard to give up fertility treatment....not sure what I would have done!


xx


----------



## Lulu40

lulumead said:


> ...I chose China as I wanted to adopt as young as possible and most babies are around 9 months when referred from China. There are also plenty of families who have done this and a strong network which I felt was very important for any child that i adopted that they knew others who shared a similar experience. Being trans-racially adopted of course has its issues...
> 
> I haven't ruled out UK adoption and if I find that fertility treatment is leading nowhere and China looks unlikely to happen then I will switch to UK and maybe adopt a sibling group. I'll talk to my social worker about this too I think. Might be something I do in a couple of years time.
> 
> The main thing with adoption is that it takes around 6 - 9 month to be assessed and then you have to wait to be matched which sometimes happens fast and sometimes can be a long wait. You also have to have finished all fertility treatment. I have special allowance from my LA as I talked to them about pursuing treatment whilst I was waiting and discussed the implications. They agreed to keep my approval open under the rulings that if I had a baby they would monitor how I was coping for the 1st 6 months, write a report to see if they still felt I was able to adopt, and that they would want 20 months age gap between the babies. I was amazed they agreed this, as it would have been hard to give up the adoption and hard to give up fertility treatment....not sure what I would have done!


This sounds quite strange to me. Admittedly, I don't know very much about it. Other than I've been told that you're supposed to have finished ttc and any fertility treatment, and also to have left a gap afterwards (I forget how long), before you embark on the adoption process.

I wasn't clear: You say you're waiting to be matched, but it seems an extremely long time to have to wait, another five years, if you've already been approved. Have you been approved by the panel as a prospective adopter? Or when you say they're keeping your file open, does that mean they have neither approved nor closed your file, they're just keeping the matter in abeyance?

Again, because it's not clear from what you say, it did make me wonder whether your ongoing IVF treatments are the reason why your adoption application is still 'pending' as opposed to progressing. Are you 100% sure that they're not waiting for you to either become pregnant and have a child (and they usually require a gap between the birth of biological children and subsequent adoptions), or give up on ttc and leave that gap before progressing with an adoption? It sounds to me as though that might be what's happening, and maybe why it's going to take so long.

Another thing struck me, though, about your wanting to adopt from China. And I hope you don't think this is rude of me, and perhaps you've mentioned it elsewhere in the forums or this thread, but when you were explaining why you wanted to adopt from China, essentially because you want a baby, and you acknowledged that there might be issues relating to transracial adoption, you didn't mention any kind of preparation to address those possible issues. That just struck me as quite curious, if you've already been waiting since 2006, and your heart has been set on adopting from China, and you're aware of issues relating to adoption from different countries and cultures, you've mentioned wanting to adopt a baby from China, but haven't mentioned having been there on holiday or having done some research and preparation feeling some kind of affinity with the culture, maybe learned some of the language, being in a position to help the child learn about their heritage. Maybe you have done all that, but it just struck me as curious that you haven't mentioned it. I also wonder whether that might be an issue, whether that might be holding things up?

I don't think I've ever heard of a Chinese adoption taking nearly a decade. Admittedly, it's been a while since I heard anyone talking about such adoptions, but I used to live in Beijing, and a friend of mine who had children at school there knew some other Western expat mums who had adopted Chinese children, and I don't recall hearing any story about it taking anywhere near that long. (Although they were expats who were living in China, I don't know if that would have made such a big difference, but they would still have had to be approved and have medical checks and so on.)

Are you very sure they're not waiting for you to finish ttc/IVF before progressing your adoption application?


----------



## lulumead

Hello Lulu


I have been approved at a panel in July 2006 and my papers went to China in Dec 2006. I did not start fertiulity treatment until 2008 when it became clear that the wait was taking longer than it ever had before. This is not the UK slow down it is China and its a global slow down.  China do not 'owe' me a child and its possible that they will stop intercountry adoption which they are perfectly entitled to do.


My social services have indeed kept my file open. They can choose to close it if when I have a child they feel I am no longer able to adopt too and offer a home to that baby.  This is the risk I take.


I have had to do a lot of preparation and thinking in order to be approved, including a 3 day preparation course that all intercountry adoptive parents have to do - i have found this has helped with my fertility treatment too in thinking about the implications of using donor sperm.  I would not have been approved if the panel did not feel that I was able to address some of the issues that might be raised adopting interracially.  I am involved in the networks that support these families, and have to hope that any child I might adopt will find some support from knowing other children in the same situation.  Believe me, this has been a challenging and lengthy process and I would not be allowed to adopt at all unless my social services felt that I was up to the job.


----------



## lulumead

Also this is a public forum so its not always appropriate to post all information on the threads!


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - its such a hard journey - I know I've enquired about the adoption route many a time - was even thinking of adopting from India - but still getting head in right head space.  I hope your review went well and your dreams to adopt arrive sooner than predicted.  

Think we  do have to remeber that things and circumstance do change - there have been several natural disasters in china, resulting in many families losing their child so expect adoption rates in china have risen.  Its sad that us as singlies are 'at the bottom' of the so called lists ... we have our own networks to help with support and none of us have looked at any of our options lightly.

 x x


----------



## lulumead

Thanks mini   


Today was fine, my social worker is great. I really like her.  They just have to update my file with DCSF and then another review next December, will also have to do CRB and medical again next year!!


Discussed UK adoption too, going to give China another 18 months or so and then decide next plan.
xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Sounds positive - reminds me must get my CRB redone for work!!

Your social worker sounds really supportive!  I've a couple of friends who are social workers and offered to point me in right direction and support me.  It may be something I seriously consider again ... change my mind more than my knickers!!            or should that me men!!       

Glad it went well x x


----------



## lulumead

Thanks   


Its definitely worth exploring further if you are interested. 
xxx


----------



## lulumead

Just had the annual review. Things are not looking good. I have been given a bit of a reprieve as they want to formally reassess me next year but essentially they are telling me that adoption from China will no longer be an issue, possibly because they will not approve me to continue but most likely because they do not believe that China will ever refer a child.  Feeling quite depressed, I have invested a lot emotionally in this over the past Five and half years and always imagined that little L would be lucky to have an adopted sister. Will need to think about options over the next few months and decide what can be done.

Hmmmmm....
Xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

lulu
no experience of this so can't advise but sorry to hear it looks like things won't work out with China, I can only imagine how upsetting this is after such a long time
thinking of you
Suitcase
x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu       what a flipping pain in the    ... perhaps someone on the main adoption board may have some words of wisdom for you.


    mini xxxx


----------



## lulumead

Thanks lovelies....not much I can do for now anyway, just need to do some digging about and see if I can find out more about whats happening in China. I thought it might be heading this way, just hard to think it might not come off.
I have baby girl clothes that friends gave me as hand me downs, years ago, when they thought it was going to happen! Weird....hey ho, onwards...at least no official decision until this time next year.

My social worker is extremely lovely, but I fear its a bit out of her hands. They certainly don't make it easy!

x


----------



## Lou-Ann

Aww Lulu   . Sorry to hear that adopting from China is going to be unlikely, especially after all that you have put into it    

Lou-Ann x


----------



## Damelottie

Lulu -    . I hope you manage to find out just exactly what the situation is. Its torture to not know


----------



## caramac

Lulu sorry to hear that adoption may not happen for you after all that you've invested into it emotionally 

Do you know is it that adopting from China is becoming a no go for everybody...or is it because you are single?


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Lulu I really hope that your China door isn't closing on you- you have be so patient waiting and determined to get a LO and offer them a better life.

Good luck


----------



## lulumead

Thanks all. Bit of a weird scenario as China are still referring children and in theory if I wait it out it could happen but they are slowing down and slowing down so who knows if it will ever happen. Head of adoption says that she knows of two single women who when they were supposed to receive referrals were told that there was a reason why they couldn't but really she thinks its because they are single, China's decision not ours. However, I am keen to stay waiting in line but social services here are saying that I should have a whole new assessment done as my circumstances have changed (this is different to what they said before L arrived! when they agreed to just an in-depth update) which would mean starting again and would basically rule me out of China as they have now closed new applications from singlies. hmmmm...   plus would cost another £5K, which I can't really afford. I need to do some research myself as I think if I want to continue I will have a fight on my hands. I don't understand why they would think I wouldn't want to do it just because I have a baby...I didn't enter into the adoption process lightly and don't feel like I should be forced to leave it. Hey ho...

Bottom line is that there are still children who need homes, from all countries of the world and it does feel sometimes like bureaucratic procedures sometimes take place of common sense. I have been strong supporters of my social services as I feel they have been very open but I have to say I am beginning to feel less supportive     Particularly galling when families adopting from China but based in the US don't seem have these hurdles put in their way, they often adopt 2 or 3 children or have birth children whilst they are waiting, which I don't necessarily agree with...but it can be hard to swallow.

xx


----------



## Sima

Lulu

I am sorry to hear about all the twists and turns this long adoption process is throwing at you.  Keep the faith as I am sure one day you will fulfill your dream.    

I have very limited knowledge of the adoption system but I really do not see why it is your social services are now saying they would need to start the adoption process from scratch.  Yes your circumstances have changed but then you have always been totally up front with them.  Surely an update would suffice and mean you do not have to shell out £5k again.  Perhaps you can get in touch with BAAF for advice since I am sure there must be other people who have found themselves in a similar situation.  I would understand there concerns if any China adoption was going to imminent but at this rate it could be still a few years off.

Is there anywhere where you could get a definitive answer on China's attitude to single women adopters?  This seems to be your biggest hurdle.  

I really wish you all the best with this.  Good luck and stay strong.  As you said there are plenty of children who need adopting out there.

Sima x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - what a blimming farce!     


Talk about making you jump through hoops .. and ones on fire I might add.


Really hope you get some headway and soon.


Mini xxx


----------



## indekiwi

Lulu, seems to be a case of constantly moving goal posts.   .  Hope the situation resolves itself very soon and that you have clarity on the way forward to a successful adoption.  

A-Mx


----------



## RichmondLass

Lulu a single girlfriend of mine adopted an 11 month old boy from Khazakstan who is now 5 and gorgeous. When I was looking into it it was still possible from there but Russia was easier as a singleton. Have you tried one of the overseas adoption agencies to find out the latest? Are you stuck on China or would you consider elsewhere? RLx


----------



## RichmondLass

PS wasn't cheap. Cost about 20 grand and she was over there for three months sorting paperwork. Very difficult if you already have one. Rlx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

also caution apparently urged with Russia - good friends of mine who live in the US wanted to adopt from Russia - he's English, she's American but studied Russian and lived in Russia for several years hence the interest in Russia
They were advised against Russia by their adoption agency who said there are many problems with Russian adoptions in terms of important information not being disclosed (eg re the health of the baby/child etc)
Not sure if this is a real problem or if the agency had had one or two issues and is now over cautious, but worth bearing in mind
They adopted from South Korea and have 2 lovely little boys but I believe S Korea has now closed its doors to foreign adoptions more or less too

big    lulu, such a frustrating situation to be in when the goalposts keep moving
Suitcase
x


----------



## lulumead

Hello all,

Thanks for responses.

sima, you pretty much summed it up!!  Will defo ask advice from BAAF, I need to find out for myself what is going on.

Richmondlass; I could potentially change countries but I would have to start my home study again, and once you have a child they like you to wait two yeats before starting a new process!  If anything if China doesn't come off then I might think about domestic adoption as they like an adopted child to be the youngest so if L is under three then at least I might be in with a chance of adopting an under one.

Suity, I have heard similar stories about adoptions from Russia. One couple from my adoption group have adopted a lovely boy and been back with him for about three years!!

Feel like I am more and more likely to try again to get pregnant now, even though I had always imagined adopted and birth children....just have to wait and see how it turns out I suppose.
Xx


----------



## Grace10704

Lulu - I was chatting to a friend who is an adoption social worker & she has heard from another couple that China will now no longer allow adoptions to people who have been assessed by the UK.  She has no idea why but this couple have decided to move to Spain as adoptions are allowed from there!  Apparnetly they only have to be in Spain for the assessment then they can move back here & do the actual adoption from here.  Sounds barking mad to me but there it is!  I'm assuming that you are linked in already with all sorts of intercountry adoption agencies but my friend referred to PACT in Reading who apparently do the assessmnents for this part of the country & she said they would know the latest.  Hope this helps (and doesn't make you too despondent!)


----------



## Betty-Boo

Just thought I'd bump this - going for an open evening next month with LA .. need to keep all those option open   


Lulu - have you heard anything more re China?


   Mini x


----------



## silverbird

Good luck withh the LA meeting mini


----------



## lulumead

YAY...great idea Mini, you will make a great AP (adoptive parent   )     


Be prepared for the open evening to paint a pretty grim picture, I think they try to put people off to ensure only the most committed see it through!!!


I have had better news...my lovely social worker has found out that I don't need to have a new homestudy done and that when she spoke to the Department for Education they have had other people waiting to adopt from China who have also had birth children in the time they have waited. They have a rule that if birth child is under 12 months when you receive a referral, they turn it down but if birth child is over 12 months then it is up for discussion and decision between AP and LA.  So it feels like its back to being a possibility....the plan is now for me to have a thorough update in August when L is one and then to hopefully keep being approved so if a referral ever appears I will still be able to go ahead.  DoE also said they think I would get a referral at the end of this year but all the sites I look at still imply Dec 2014, so a 2 year speed up sounds unlikely plus there wouldnt be enough of an age gap with L.  Feel like I am in limbo again but at least its not totally off the table.


Mini, let us know how you find it. I have a friend who is seriously considering it and I hope she does pursue it as she would be fantastic too.


xxxxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

That's sounding a lot more promising than before -      ... what a wait though!  


Thanks for the tips and advice.  Have been told to apply to all neighbouring LA's and also apply through VA's - go to as many open evenings and go with the one you feel more comfortable with.


I'm not sure if I'll go for it straight away .. still need to straighten the head out .. still a wee bit    but think that's more hormonal at the mo.


Any tips greatly received!!  By hook or by crook as they say ..... 


    Mini xxx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

good luck Mini, am very excited for you and this new phase of your journey to motherhood   
Suitcase
x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Thanks Suity    ... Still early days and not 100% sure as yet .. hoping the open evening will help   


Mini xx


----------



## Damelottie

Lulu - That sounds really positive.

Mini - We talk a lot every day     , but always here for 'sounding off' and ideas


----------



## Maya7

Mini - Hope all goes well at the open evening ... its a wonderful path to follow.

 
Maya


----------



## Betty-Boo

Em -    thank you ... still in planning stages and yes - should pick your brains so to speak .. especially if / when I need to 'sound off'     


Thanks Maya .. here's hoping ..   


M xxx


----------



## bingbong

Mini that's great news!!! I hope that it goes well and please keep us updated!!!


Lulu so pleased to hear that you have some positive news too   


bingbong x


----------



## lulumead

Hi mini
Definitely worth Finding out about different LA's as they all offer different types of support.  The open evening i went to was good, and I think a real opener for some people as to the potential support needed by some children in the care system. Not what they expected! I think having worked with lots of different children in all sorts of circumstances helped me know some of what I might be dealing with.

Not sure if you would be interested in the concurrency programme offered by the coram foundation....google it. Not for everyone and not sure if operates in your area.

UK adoption is still in mind too, even thought about fostering but pretty impossible if you work. 
Xx


----------



## lulumead

Thanks BB....slightly more positive, just have to wait until my update assessment and keep an eye on the china website to see how its progressing!
X


----------



## Betty-Boo

Thanks Lulu - had a wee look - doesn't operate down here.  Shame.


Have registered with LA and Barnardo's to start with - will tackle neighbouring LA's once I've been to this info evening next month.  Don't want to overload my wee brain.  Only snag I have is planning on lodging at parents whilst I sort this place out - so that may delay things a wee bit .. 


Dad was on about adopting from India - so had to explain still have to go through process here.  


M xxx


----------



## caramac

How exciting to have a new avenue to motherhood to pursue Mini! I hope it all goes well at the info evening and fingers crossed that you get there by hook or by crook as you said!


----------



## lulumead

Hi mini,
Adoption from india is definitely possible and could give the chance if adopting a very small baby, worth looking into maybe. The only difference is you have to pay for the home study. Anything between 4 and 7k depending on LA or agency that you use.
Xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Thanks Lulu    that's what I tried to explain to dad ... but as you say - more chance of a baby.  I am so conscious of the wee kiddies that need homes in the UK, but also the wee babies abandoned in India - plus with dad being a Sikh - and being born in India too - that may help (plus he speaks the lingo .. I never did learn - used to as a wee child though).


It'll all come good in the end - waiting for friend to do my profile on 'mysinglefriend' .... so thought train may change again!     
Mini xx


----------



## lulumead

You would defo be eligible then for india 

Ooh exciting about signing up for MSF....I am half heartedly on match affinity but not much gold coming up yet ;-)
Xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

not on there yet .. still waiting on mate to write my profile ..   
Will keep you posted    Mini xx


----------



## lulumead

Hi Mini


You up on MSF yet My match affinity ran out and I can safely say wont go back on that site!  Am thinking of doing MSF though.


On the adoption front my social worker has now been told they just need to do my annual review in December not August when L is one...so thats good as it gives me a bit more time to think about what to do and really suss out whats happening in China.


xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Not yet - waiting in friend to write profile still .... 

Fab news ref your annual review! 
Xxx


----------



## Diesy

Hi *Thetis Mini* - that's ace about India and that you have an 'in' already. Lots of things to think about, I imagine. I'm wondering about starting the process but it's so complicated when I don't know if I can't do it myself. Anyways, good luck with your research and take it easy.

Also *Lulu*, that's good your review is at a better time. I was told that I had to adopt a 3 year here because of my advanced years  but also the child would need to be younger than my own if I had any. Still trying to work that one out  Where do you start if you want to adopt from abroad? I mean is it with the Local Authority?

Diesy xx


----------



## Elpida

Thetis


Great news about the potential to adopt - such an exciting route to go down   


E x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Cheers honey - still in 2 minds but having a wee look to see what they can do ... 


 Tis x


----------



## kizzi79

Hi all. Have been laying low for a while whilst doing a lot of soul searching. Today I filled an application to request an inital home visit for adoption. Many of you may remember I was looking at the possibility of donor embryo treatment either here in the uk or abroad. I have since found out that use of donor embryos within the uk is very limited due to a legal anomoly whereby the male parent creating the donor embryo is not afforded the same legal protections as a regular sperm donor theoretically leaving them open to be persued as the legal father if a single woman is the recipient (but if a couple receive it the male partner is legally the father negating this issue) - my clinic therefore do not offer this treatment at all to singles to avoid such issues. I took this up with the dcn and hfea but though both were supportive i was told any change to this would need a change in the law at parlimentary level (ie it aint happening!!!). I went to to the lovely penny at serum - she is happy to treat me but agrees that as no clear cause for my repeated failures it is difficult to say if use of donor embryos will in reality make a difference (as all my test results have always been good and eggs always initially look ok). The financial and emotional cost of continuing is difficult with no clear hope of success (i know there are never any guarentees but now i feel so little hope). So... i am going to dip my toe into the adoption areena to look at if this may be a way for me to have a second shot at motherhood (and hopefully a LO a second chance at a loving home) - who knows they may tell me im not mothering material, have to wait and see. Must admit to being a little terrified at the thought of such invasion of privacy - but then if you had told me i would survive 11 failed fertility treatments i would have thought you mad before all this started.  Will keep you posted on progress...
Love and luck to all on this mad rollercoaster, Krissi  x


----------



## bingbong

Ah Krissi      . Sounds so tough and I'm so sorry that you feel so hopeless   . I really hope that the adoption process goes smoothly for you, keep us posted!


bingbong x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

krissi - big   for all you have been going through
and lots of      for the adoption process, hope things work out for you hun
Suitcase
x


----------



## some1

Oh Krissi, you have had such a rough ride, ttcing can be so unfair.  Sending you loads of       for your home visit, I hope you get lots of positive feedback.  
I don't think she posts much anymore, but you might be interested in having a read of Carebear1's posts - she was a single who used to post on our boards who went on to adopt a toddler daughter, she posted about the adoption process quite a lot so there may be some interesting reading there for you.

Some1

xx


----------



## lulumead

Hi Krissi    


Really happy to talk to you about the homestudy etc...I did mine ages ago but was lucky to have a lovely social worker.  You would be a fantastic mother I'm sure.  All your treatment has shown you have the resilience to cope with it!!


PM me if you want to.
xxxx


----------



## Damelottie

Oh lots of love and luck Krissi   . I do hope it all goes smoothly - and definitiely smoother than your journey so far  .

I also thought of Carbear1 as Some1 did too   . I bet she would be happy to talk to you.

Like Lulu, I also had a lovely social worker for my homestudy and it was remarkably painless   . In some respects its more straightforward as a single than a couple - you don't have to _both _be assessed, your relationship together doesn't have to be assessed, you don't have to worry about 2 lots of relationship history's, or differing parenting styles etc etc.

Good luck 

xxx


----------



## kizzi79

Thank you ladies - as always your support means so much   .

Would be great to chat to those of you who have been through the assessments before - I will pm you when I get a date for my initial home visit (as am a little terrified   )

Love Krissi xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Krissi      may be following in your foot steps - keep thinking on it and have a friend who runs a fostering agency - so going to speak to her too.


    for you  - have you been on qny open evenings?  Did one and it was terrible!  Must investigate further.


Take care Tis xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

good luck Krissi x


----------



## lulumead

Don't be terrified...it will be fine.  Xx

Tis, I think the open evenings are designed to put people off!!!
Xxx


----------



## kizzi79

I agree with Lulu Thetis - I went to an open evening in March (following a failed treatment cycle) - am sure all the children have horns and carried pitch forks from their descriptions   . But had a long chat with one of the social workers when the evening ended and she was far more positive   .

Krissi  xx


----------



## indekiwi

Krissi, just wanted to pop by and wish you the very best of luck through the adoption process - always here to be a cheer leader for you.   


A-Mx


----------



## lulumead

Hi krissi...just been reading your diary...not sure where you are based, or what clinic you were at...but your journey sounds very similar to mine. So was thinking about whether you had considered natural IVF?  Don't want to throw anything else into the mix if you are already thinking about other paths but from what you have said so many of your IUIs were not timed well, think this is not good of clinic! And like you I had a couple cancelled due to overstimulating and felt that maybe drugs didn't help me. PM if you like, or ignore....I totally get that it can be too much financially and emotionally and sometimes just best to draw a line and move on.
Xxxxxx


----------



## morrigan

Krissi - I have friend who started down adoption route as a singley - she didn't go ahead in the end but I can see if she would be happy to email if it would help - cant remember how far she got.


----------



## kizzi79

Hi Lulu and Morrigan and eveyone   

Sorry for the long delay - have had a little break to get my head round stuff!!

I think if the adoption stuff is not a viable way forward I think that natural IVF would definately be something I would be interested in pursuing Lulu (as well as further immune testing) - I think at the mo i am unsure i could face or afford any further treatment though    - but thank you so much for your advice (its what i love so much about ff so many people with different experiences to advise us - you'd never get that from just going to the clinic or talking to friends who have not experienced fertility treatment).

Yes please Morrigan, would be good to speak to someone with some experience of the system. Shall I e-mail you my e-mail address?

AFM 5 weeks later and have had no contact from the agency (bar a letter to say they received my letter and would be in touch) - feel a little dishertened to be honest (aren't they suppose to be speeding up the adoption process   ) - am wondering about ringing them but am scarred of coming across as pushy!!

Love Krissi xx


----------



## lulumead

Hi krissi, 

I also am in an adoption process since 2006!! don't ask...so have done a home study but it might be different now, not sure. I wouldn't worry about being seen as pushy, give them a call and find out how long it might be before things get moving...the whole adoption process can systems seem like a bit of a test to check that you have the stamina to keep going with it ;-)

PM me if I can be of any use.

I don't have an annual review now until December, when I am being assessed to see if I can still adopt after having had a baby...I know I am very lucky to be in this position,

Xx


----------



## Maya7

Hi Krissi

I agree with Lulumead that you shouldn't worry about being perceived as pushy.  I think that the process requires that you keep taking the initiative to ensure that things move along.

I have gone through the Form F assessment (although not in Britain, the same paperwork is used) and happy to help if you want to PM any questions.

Best of luck

 
Maya


----------



## kizzi79

Thanks all 

Well I rang yesterday and was told "don't worry it can often take *a few months* for us to get back to people as we are very busy with so many people applying, your case will be allocated to a social worker when someone is able, I can leave a message with the team manager to say you rang if you really want me to".

Hmmm... Have a feeling adoption is going to be as full of waiting as treatment was 

Krissi xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

krissi - is there perhaps an option for you to look at other agencies/LA's? or is this one which you particularly want to go through so it's worth the wait? 
I only got a very short way down the adoption route before I was lucky enough to get a BFP but I did make a few phone calls to local LAs/VAs and I got the sense even from these initial calls that some would have been more efficient/quicker than others and more likely to progress my application sooner
Hope things start to move more quickly for you soon hun   
Suitcase
x


----------



## kizzi79

Sadly I live in a fairly rural area so there are no voluntary agencies which cover our area    - perhaps that's the problem, no competition!!

Krissi xx


----------



## blueytoo

Hi Krissi

I'm also a singlie going down this route now, I'm in the middle of my home study and so far it's been fairly quick and organised. I'm not applying to my own (very anti single women) LA but one an hour away who only take out of area adopters, so it's perfect for me as I also couldn't use my own LA as I am studying to be a social worker and my placements are my own LA. 

I will say that all adoption services are hugely under staffed so you do have to wait for each stage and a lot of agencies are going through restructuring of all their children's teams which means chaos to be honest. The LA I am using literally started this restructuring as I started prep group. More government meddling where it's not needed!

I would call again at the end of next week and chase again. The timescales don't kick in until you have officially lodged your application to adopt which tends to be after prep group. Definitely have a look and see if there are other agencies around though. The rules are you can apply to any LA within an hours drive of your home.

Good luck

Xxx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

bluey - when I spoke to my 2 local LAs (I was living right on the border of two counties) I was told that only the LA where I paid council tax would accept me - this was a couple of years ago so hopefully has changed...seemed madness to me at the time especially as the location of my flat was literally on the border - 500m in one direction would have put me in the other county!
good to hear things are going smoothly for you - I hadn't realised you were now pursuing adoption - best of luck   
Suitcase
x


----------



## blueytoo

Suity it is a actually a legal requirement and has been for approx 10 years! I only live 4 miles from a third county too and could have gone there but chose a city LA as I saw excellent social work practice from them when I researched them. 

Thanks for your wishes


----------



## suitcase of dreams

hmm, didn't know that at the time..ended up not pursuing adoption for obvious reasons but is something I would potentially go back to in a few years time when the boys are older if I decide against further tx so good to know


----------



## bingbong

krissi      I hope that things don't go toooooooooo slowly   


bingbong x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Bluey - my LA wouldn't allow me to adopt as its too close if you know what I mean.  So had to investigate other areas.  Now being assigned to Portsmouth so that's put paid to that one for the time being.  


All the best to everyone currently going down the adoption route.


Tis xx


----------



## kizzi79

Well I finally heard from my LA on Tuesday (she ended up leaving a message on my voicemail as I was on a course for work), then Wednesday we both tried calling the other and missing each other... and finally she called me at 8pm from home (bless her!!) and arranged to see me yesterday afternoon - eeek not much time to get the house ready (but possibly better for my sanity as less time to stress about it). Seemed to go ok, lots of questions about home, family, friends, lifestyle, work, what you intend to do adoption leave wise, what type of children you may be intersted in, why no boyfriends   , were you bothered about not having a boyfriend, etc etc. She has to present my case on 25th September to a team meeting and they will then decide whether to take me forward to the prep course in late October   .

Wish me luck, Krissi xx


----------



## blueytoo

Good luck Krissi!   Get used to the waiting, because there's a lot of it in adoption! Here's hoping you get put forward for prep group


----------



## bingbong

Ah krissi                           


bingbong x


----------



## lulumead

Great news Krissi    


Sending lots of         for prep group.
xxxx


----------



## wishingforanangel

What is LA in terms of adopting in the UK? Obviously I can't adopt in the UK but I always do feel like a dunce when it comes to abbreviations.


----------



## blueytoo

LA means local authority - i.e the council where you live, sometimes that is a district council or sometimes the county council or even a city council. Not all district councils have their own adoption team. So in my case, my district council doesn't have an adoption team so the county would deal with it if I was using my own LA. However, I am using a city council an hour away instead, so they are the LA for me in terms of adoption


----------



## indekiwi

Krissi, Bluey, wishing you both so much luck (and a free flowing process) in your adoption efforts.  


A-Mx


----------



## wishingforanangel

thank you blueytoo for your explanation. good luck on your adoption process.


----------



## kizzi79

Hi everyone.

Well...... have "passed" my initial home visit and got a place on a prep course starting mid october - yay     . I remain a little terrified (that they will suddenly realise Im not good enough   ), but am trying to focus on this being the first of many steps forward. Am currently filling in my rather scarry medical form now in prep for going for a full on (expensive!!!!!) medical with my GP - who knew you have to be sooooo healthy to be a parent    (yes yes I know they have to be careful - Im just very impatient and want a baby/child NOW!!!    ).

Hope all is going well for you too Bluey and anyone else thinking of joining us

Love Krissi  xx


----------



## morrigan

brilliant news krissi well done- good luck with the medical


----------



## bingbong

Krissi that's wonderful news!!! I'm so pleased that you're good to go to the next step (even if it is an expensive one!).


 


bingbong x


----------



## blueytoo

Hi krissi

Great news you got through the first stage - I found that the hardest/most terrifying! 

I've got my fifth and final home study visit on Thursday morning, medical in a few weeks and approval panel date provisionally booked for December. 

Hope prep group goes really well for you 

xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

great news krissi, good luck with next steps   
and sounds like all going really well for you too bluey - so exciting   
Suitcase
x


----------



## kizzi79

Thats wonderful news Bluey - not long now hopefully (with the january sales to get all kitted out ready for the new arrival   ). If you dont mind me being nosy (please do say to mind my own...) what age of child are you hoping for? I had been hoping for a toddler or baby (including those with additional/complex needs) - but think the agency were hoping i might take an older child - I was wondering if your experience was similar??

Morrigan, Suity, BB & Coco - thank you for your messages - its still so nice to have your support despite my diversion en-route to motherhood!!   

Krissi  xx


----------



## Bambiboo

I just wanted to say good luck to all those going for adoption - I was planning to adopt before considering donor route. It's still something I think about doing.

Love to you all x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Brilliant news Krissi & Bluey!


Maybe following in your footsteps .. 


Tis xx


----------



## bingbong

Krissi would you consider taking two siblings? I know someone who did that and by taking two they got quite a young toddler and an older one who was about five. I believe that they struggle to place siblings together so that might work to your advantage.


bingbong x


----------



## blueytoo

Krissi - I am going to make my final decision on Thursday with the social worker but it will either be siblings aged 0-4 or one child aged 0-2.

You are right, social services team managers like single parents to take a child that is older, normally 6+ and approval panels aren't overly keen on approving single parents for sibling groups. I work in social work and this is well known unfortunately. Just to warn you to stick to your guns and if you want a child 0-2 then just insist. It is your choice what age range you ask for approval for. I haven't come across any resistance to what I am asking for approval for but I very much know that is because of the job I do! There was a social worker who works with adults that came to talk to our prep group. She was a single adopter and she warned me privately about this very issue (it isn't bad in the LA I am in but I could have been unlucky with my allocated social worker). 

Having said all that, if you are willing to take a child with very complex needs they will bite your hand off anyway! 

Xx


----------



## Grace10704

Just thought I'd let you know I have a friend who as a solo mum has just got a 4 month old baby.  I know its not common but just wanted to let you know there are some positive stories out there.

Good luck everyone on your route to mummyhood
xxx


----------



## lulumead

oooh grace I love those stories, how fantastic.


Fantastic news Krissi - I think stick to your guns about age range. It can be really tricky when you just want to be a mum and there is often pressure to take on an older child...was one of the reasons that i looked towards intercountry adoption as I was very keen on adopting as young as possible.


Bluey, great news that the HS is almost done, such a relief when its finished and then panel...eek    At mine I got grilled about positive male role models in my life, gave the spiel and then ended up blurting out "well its not like they won't ever meet any men!!" to the tory councillor who wouldn't like it drop.    Perhaps I should have just said that I hate men and shut him up...


Looking forward to hearing more news on this thread.  My China journey is still just plodding on. I have social worker update assessment in December.


Lxx


----------



## Damelottie

lulumead said:


> At mine I got grilled about positive male role models in my life,
> Lxx


The amount of times I got asked that was astonishing  . I also had the spiel down to perfection. Once though I decided to tell the truth which was 'if I actually believed in the concept of a positive male role model I probably wouldn't be in this flipping predicament'   . But only to my own SW who I knew would laugh


----------



## blueytoo

lulumead said:


> Bluey, great news that the HS is almost done, such a relief when its finished and then panel...eek  At mine I got grilled about positive male role models in my life, gave the spiel and then ended up blurting out "well its not like they won't ever meet any men!!" to the tory councillor who wouldn't like it drop.  Perhaps I should have just said that I hate men and shut him up...
> 
> Looking forward to hearing more news on this thread. My China journey is still just plodding on. I have social worker update assessment in December.
> 
> Lxx


I think I will get away with this because my DS is almost 15 and already been mentioned as a wonderful role model by the first visit and post prep group visit social workers and my parents live less than a minute's walk away. My social worker hasn't bought it up at all. I also wonder whether with my being gay they might not bring it up either. I am going to ask her what she thinks today about what the panel is like. It seems to me that most panels have a set of grilling questions that they always tend to ask certain types of applicant.

Your China journey is certainly long! I hope the assessment visit goes well, I'm sure it's just a box ticking exercise at this point!

xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

krissi my friend (single woman) got approved for an under 2, despite them wanting her to take an older child x


----------



## blueytoo

Update after my social worker came today. Found out that my LA have started to do concurrency and she thinks I am perfect for this. My DS has the veto though as it could potentially be absolutely devastating for him if the children get returned. Also they have several sibling groups in mind for me already, all with second babies to be born around Christmas/January, some will be in this concurrency group so could be placed at just a week or so old and some aren't. But that part is all down to the next social worker who takes over after approval panel and of course the family finders and the children's social workers.

She has now interviewed both my ex's and seen/spoke to all my references. She is coming to see my DS on Tuesday night and then probably now just one more visit to make a final decision on top end of my age range and go through my PAR.

I asked her about the male role models and she just laughed and said it's not even a consideration with my circumstances so I am happy about that.


----------



## lulumead

Fabulous news Bluey      All sounding like it could happen very soon. I considered concurrency but I couldn't work out how to do that and work, as I think I would need to have financially as I wouldn't have got adoption pay during the first bit of the process. I'd like to explore concurrency further but my understanding was that in the 1st instance you are "long-term" fostering so paid as a foster carer and ideally not working (not viable for me financially) and then only able to take adoption leave once you have officially adopted? Would love to know if this is not the case as I would seriously look into this again...


...oh and I can solve the male role model now as L can be a positive one even though only 13 months...he laughs when he burps from either end, loves climbing and opening cupboards and already plays alot with his dingly-danglies (not sure what to call it on here!)...perfect...   


How lovely that your new children will have DS to look after them too.
xxx


----------



## Arkay

Hello All, hope you don't mind me popping in to say hello.  I've been reading this thread with great interest and just wanted to wish those in the process lots of luck.  And speed(!) lulumead.   

I was always going to adopt or foster as I always knew I wanted to raise children, but never felt the need to have my own.  Anyway, that changed a few months back when I started thinking it was time to actually get on and do something about it, but then wondered if I might try and have my own first.  Amazingly luckily I was successful on my first IVF cycle and am now nearly 10 weeks pregnant.   But, I already know that I will go the adoption route for my second.  So, it's a long way off for me yet, but it's great to be reading about other people's experiences.

Best of luck to you bluey and krissi.  

x


----------



## blueytoo

Lulumead - yes, once the child is placed with you it is a foster placement and you would get paid as a foster carer by the LA and would need to not work. Then if and when the placement order is made for adoption, you can then get adoption leave and pay from work. I closed my businesses last year so I could return to Uni to retrain, so I don't work anyway as my degree is five full days a week as I have to work unpaid for 3 of those in a placement so I don't have to worry about work and finances. I will take off at least two years from my degree (I am in my second year now) and will give it up to be SAHM if the child/childrens needs require it (which seems to be the case more often than not). 

I don't think anything will come of these potential children because of the way my LA has just changed it's team structure. I am just hoping for placement next summer once I have finished my uni year at the start of May!

I love the description of your DS


----------



## Elpida

I just want to say how much I admire those of you doing this. I"m just not strong enough to put myself through the process. My mother fostered while I was a teenager and its something I've always wanted to do, but the assessment for adoption


----------



## kizzi79

Hi everyone

Well I'm all finished with my prep course - was very nervous before it started and was pleased to find everyone was really nice and it was quite interesting (though very very sad what some children go through). Now waiting to be allocated a social worker for home study (which will probably take at least 8 weeks according to my friend who was on an earlier course). Am a mixture of excited, impatient, (and just a tiny bit sad to be saying goodbye to TTC - even though I know really it is the right thing to do).

How are you getting on Bluey (and what did your son think of the idea of concurrency)? Any updates for you Lulu??

Love, Krissi xx


----------



## lulumead

Hi krissi,

Well done on finishing prep. I am sure part of the course is to try and put people off...my inter country one was horrendous. Some children really do have a tough start in life. Very sad to hear about.

Hope it doesn't take too long to get started on the HS, all the waiting can be very frustrating.  

No real news this end...need to book in my reassessment for December. It's actually really nice catching up with my social worker, although I am worried that they will stop my application now I have L.
Xx


----------



## kizzi79

Am very very excited !!!!! Have been contacted by the agency and I will be starting my home study on 26th November   .

How are you getting on Bluey??

Good luck for Decembers review Lulu 

Wish me luck     , Love Krissi xx


----------



## Rose39

Fantastic news that things are moving forward so quickly Krissi - keeping fingers and toes crossed that everything goes well.

Rose xx


----------



## lulumead

Brilliant news Krissi.  I think on my first visit they risk assessed my house for things like stair gates!!! Obviously I said that when a child lived in the house I would of course have things like stair gates and locks...although we actually use quite a lot of string to tie cupboard together to stop small prying hands!!!  Not sure that complies....

Hopefully you will be at panel by April/may time...how exciting. It feels like the HS moves quite fast once it gets going. So pleased that you haven't had to wait so long.
Xx


----------



## lulumead

Oh and sending lots of luck, but I dont think you will need it at allxx


----------



## bingbong

Great news Krissi        


bingbong x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Krissi best of luck for your home study xx


----------



## blueytoo

Great news Krissi, I hope it all goes well. Be prepared for lots of talking about yourself!  

I finished my home study weeks ago and have my second opinion visit next week. Panel on the 12th December, but it was booked months ago and there might be a delay as the paed that advises the panel still hasn't done his bit. Totally useless typical doctor!!


----------



## Sima

Good luck with starting your homestudy Krissi.  Not long to wait now.  Your agency seems to be quite efficient.  

Good luck with Panel Bluey.


----------



## BECKY7

Hey ladies  I like to say even though I am not single as I do have a partner and we got back from our final panel of fostering and we have been approved and we couldn't belive how easy it was  as we didn't sleep at all the night before due to nerves and now we felt silly as the panel were all great so I am sure you all lovely ladies will be fine  as they really made us feel so easy.
Good luck
Becky7 xx


----------



## kizzi79

Hi all

As promised a little update. Started my home study today. Social worker seems really nice (and very positive). She is aiming to go to panal in mid march if all goes well and has booked sessions about once a fortnight. Am scarred (after so many failures that something may still go wrong), excited and happy all rolled into one!! May be next christmas I will finally have a little one of my own   .

How are you getting on Bluey - has the doctor sorted things so you can go to panal as planned?

Are you all booked for your reassessment Lulu?

Love to all, Krissi xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

great news Krissi, all sounds very positive   
Suitcase
x


----------



## indekiwi

Woohoo Krissi, sounds really encouraging!  


A-Mx


----------



## bingbong

Fab news Krissi!!!

bingbong x


----------



## lulumead

Fab news...it will whizz by and panel will be here before you know it. i really enjoyed doing my homestudy, was good to really be thinking about things and feeling like something was moving on, although ironically of course, its now 6 YEARS later!!!


Anyway....update assessment booked for 11 December.  Be nice to see my social worker again to catch up.


Keep us updated    
x


----------



## BECKY7

Hey lulu mead  I have seen your signature that you will adopt chinesse baby  am I right ? If so why it is taking so long.

Becky7 xx


----------



## lulumead

hi Becky


Long story!! Basically when I signed up for adoption it was predicted to be about 2 years from start of home study til referral and going to china.  Shortly after I was approved it became clear that things were really slowing down, China basically is adopting less children internationally than before, hopefully this is because less are being abandoned but who knows.  So ridiculously I ended up in a process which is still going on and is unlikely to happen for at least another year but probably longer, if at all.  I chose to adopt first but when the process had already been going on for nearly three years I decided to look at sperm donation first with the idea that I might still be able to adopt further down the line.


China is no longer the place that most international adoptions happen from in the UK, if you were interested in international adoption then there are probably other countries to explore.


L


----------



## BECKY7

Wow  I hink that fab for china  as they used to dump their baby etc and I am so glad for that to have change even maybe not for you but OMG lucky it didn't happen for you otherwise you wouldn't have your son eh  oh that is a lovely story as I am too going though Sperm donor on my next cycle as I am having DIUI and in the mean time we are approved for fostering but love to adopt but only after I have a baby of my own 1st  if you know what I mean
Becky7 xx


----------



## lulumead

I know - you have to think things happen for a reason   


Good luck with IUI, sending some positive    


Lx


----------



## BECKY7

Yes that true and thank you and enjoy your son
Becky7 xx


----------



## kizzi79

Hi Everyone

Hi Bluey - really hope that panal went ahead as planned and that you are just waiting for your match   .

Hi Lulu - how was your update assessment (hope there were no problems   )

AFM still going with my home study. Generally going well, but some sticking points around the home situation I grew up in - very frustrating as it is not something I can change, wasn't something that I have done wrong and means the sw has to do a load of extra checks (talking to my sisters too to make sure we are all "OK"). Just really hope that this won't stop me moving forward   

Love and luck to all, Kizzi  xx


----------



## bingbong

Ah Kizzi I was wondering how you were getting on, so sorry to hear that things aren't going as smoothly as they might   . I really hope that things are resolved quickly and that things can move forward. Keep us posted!


Lulu how did you get on?


Bluey how are things going with you?


bingbong x


----------



## lulumead

Hi All


Kizzi: how frustrating, especially when its not really something you can change!!  hopefully once they have looked into it, it will be full steam ahead.


Bluey - what news?   


AFM: update was fine, social worker lovely as always, tried to suggest that I give up on China now but I pushed to say in the running for a bit longer and for us to reassess when it looked like it was within a few months of me receiving a referral.  So in theory still on going but I am not feeling that hopeful about it coming off.


xx


----------



## Violet66

I thought that single people could not adopt from China? Maybe this has changed. 

I'm sure when I was looking into adoption - which would have been about six years ago now - i was told China wasn't open to me.


----------



## Violet66

I've read the whole thread now....

Really sad that even though some of the posts go back nearly five years it appears that nobody on the thread has yet to successfully adopt. Makes me so cross how grindly slow the wheels turn and puts me off trying again after my last experience -  which was an exercise in incompetence and futility.


----------



## indekiwi

Violet, there has been a single that has successfully adopted - think she posts under the name of Carebear(?).off FF, I know of at least 2 other singles who have adopted. It can happen.  

A-Mx


----------



## Violet66

Thanks Inde - that's good to hear!


----------



## lulumead

Hi Violet...just to say you're right singles can no longer adopt from China, I got my papers in before it changed and they said that they would stick to the rules for those who applied before May 2007...I was Dec 2006.  Then recently they relaxed the rules and allowed singles to adopt children with special needs but  only if your agency was registered to do this. The UK agency, i.e. dept of education or whatever its called now! didn't do this so I don't think that single women in the Uk can adopt from China anymore.


I think there are other countries that are probably easier to pursue now if you are interested in intercountry adoption. Of course the irony is that when I started my China adoption, I wasn't interested in UK as it would take too long...maybe 3 years! (this is because i was interested in adopting a baby) and then China has ended up taking ages, and still might not happen. (its a bit of a wait and see in terms of the single status and whether they uphold the fact that my papers were received before the change!)


Xxx


----------



## Diesy

Kissi - hope the home study is going well.  I'm sure your wonderful candidacy will shine through completely blinding SW and bringing your son or daughter home to you.  Keep at it!

Violet - move to Glasgow, there's a nine month turnaround for a adoption here.    Including singlies.

Lulumead - it's a marathon!

Good luck to all!


----------



## kizzi79

Hi all. Thank you all so much for your messages of support. Glad to hear you are still in the running Lulu. Any news Bluey?? 
AFM i have a few weeks of peace now as my social worker is off to write her report on me - fingers firmly crossed that she will be positive. The plan is to go to panel (barring any delays) on march 20th. After 4 long years on trying to have a family maybe my chance is finally in sight!! (Just hope that as the saying goes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't actually a train coming the other way 
Keep your fingers crossed for me - will let you know when I hear anything
Love Kizzi  x


----------



## Diesy

Lol the train Kizzi!    No, it's definitely not!!!  Unless of course you are at the terminal waiting to go back the other way with happy clipboard totting social worker.  Fingers crossed for you.    Have a well earned break and do some stuff you might not be able to do in the future.  How long till the next bit?  Is there much matching time involved?  What age of child might you get?  I envy your years...even if the Wii still says I'm under 30.

Looking forward to your news - Diesy xx


----------



## lulumead

Fantastic news Kizzi...not long til panel now. I am sure if you are getting as far as panel they are pretty confident that all will be well. The only thing I can remember about my panel meeting was the question about make role models!! 

How long do they think matching might take?  Or is that a bit of how long is  a piece of string answer! ;-)

Xxx

Ps Hi deisy xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Lulu   It's all very exciting, isn't it!  xx


----------



## bingbong

Great news Kizzi, keep us posted!!!!!


bingbong x


----------



## Diesy

Hi, this is a resource service for adoption and it's got lots of information on it as well as a support service. I noticed that there were links to some good books on Amazon.

http://adoptresources.co.uk/
https://www.********.com/AdoptResources

/links


----------



## lulumead

Hey Kizzi,


I just noticed your ticker! not long until panel - how exciting... how you feeling?


xxx


----------



## Diesy

Gosh Kizzi, 11 days!  That's no time at all.  Good luck


----------



## kizzi79

Thanks Diesy and Lulu - am excited and scarred in equal measure I think    - the social worker has a few concerns about how they will feel about the family situation I grew up in, but feels that I have a strong application based on me as a person and current situation so fingers firmly crossed. Have applied for a 0-3 of either gender. She feels if I get through panel ok there will be only a minimal wait as they have lots of children awaiting placement in this area at the moment   

Love Kizzi  xx


----------



## lulumead

Always seem a bit unfair to penalise for your family situation which is not of your making!!


I have a feeling its all going to move very fast once panel is out of the way.    
xx


----------



## Diesy

That's wonderful news about the wait time!  Oh, I will cross stuff for you that they don't hold family stuff against you, I'd say the important bit is the life you've made for yourself    And that sounds pretty good from here.  Keep us posted, so exciting!     xx


----------



## LemonSponge

Hi Ladies, I hope to start the adoption process this year. I'm 34 and now single after a long term relationship. I'm wondering how your families reacted when you told them you would be adopting as a single person? 

My mum's best friend adopted 3 years ago and it has worked out very well, so i'm sure she will be a great support - we are close anyway. My mum also raised me and my brother by herself until she met my step dad.

So are there any common questions i should prepare for when telling family & friends? I'd like to deal with everyones worries in the most informed way. I'm not aware of any fertility problems so some people might wonder why i don't wait to find "the right man", but adoption feels like the right path for me and i don't feel as though i need to give birth to be a mum.


----------



## kizzi79

Hi Lemon

As you can see I am (hopefully) on my way to becoming a single adopter. My family were just fine with it straight away (but they already knew I had tried fertility treatment first - I think they were kinda relieved that the constant rollercoastar of that journey was over and just accepted). The comments/questions I have got from friends has been why not wait till I find a man (now in my case this would not guarentee kiddies but many of my less close friends are unaware of that) - I just say that I feel that if I look back on my life and are a) never a mother or b) never in a long term relationship, kids would always come 1st - and in reality having children would not stop you having relationships (though I fully realise  it may reduce the opportunities to meet someone).
The social worker has also looked at this a lot with me (and wanted to know my plans re future relationships if they occurred). She advised that normally they want to show you are in a stable position within your life (i.e. not about to lose a house, no recent break ups, about to move to outer mongolia, etc) and that you have the capacity to form a loving relationship with a child (i.e. you are not single because of something terrible which means that you cannot bond with others).
Hope that's helpful and if you have any queries or want to know anything more of the specifics feel free to ask here or pm me.
Not long now everyone, keep your fingers crossed for me, Love Kizzi  xx


----------



## LemonSponge

Hi Kizzi,

Thanks so much for your reply, it's so nice to read your experience as i'm sure your journey will be completed with success this week and just await that special moment when your child is home  

I think i will have the same questions about waiting for a man. I was in a relationship for 13 years, which only ended in January, which is why i am giving myself this year to settle down as a single person again. I know SW will want to see i am stable and happy with this. My ex has remained a very good friend so far, so that's a bonus. No doubt SW will want to know why we didn't have kids, but my ex had 3 already and didn't want more, so i decided to accept that a step family would be special too, as i have a step parent and knew it could work well. Unfortunately the contact with them broke down a few years ago as the children's mother turned them against their father so they refused to see him. This made me realise how much i wanted a family because i really missed the family life we had. 

Best of luck for panel this week, i'm sure you will be fine and cannot wait to hear your good news x


----------



## kizzi79

Thanks Lemon, Lulu and Diesy - really getting nervous now the meeting is getting so close (feels like being on a 2ww that's lasted 8 months!!)   .

Kizzi  xx


----------



## lulumead

Kizzi, you will be fine. Can't wait to hear how it went. Very exciting xxxx


----------



## Diesy

My legs are crossed (and other stuff) for you Kissi!            xx


----------



## kizzi79

They said yes!!!!!!

Thank you for all your fab support everyone, Love Kizzi  xxx


----------



## indekiwi

Kizzi, cartwheeling around my lounge in joy for you!!!!!!! (Actually, think I might have pulled a muscle so could be crippled for life, but you're worth it     ).  That is awesome news lovely, so very very happy that the process is nearly at an end for you.   


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

[size=16pt]*Wow Kissi that is AWESOME! *
*Well they'd have been idiots not too! *
 *Brilliant, smiling from ear to ear for you!* 
*Are you leaping for joy?*
*xxx*​


----------



## bingbong

Oh wow Kizzi!!!! I've been thinking about you all day and am so pleased to read this wonderful news!!!! You should be really proud of yourself   . I hope that matching doesn't take too long. How exciting!


bingbong x


----------



## ambergem

FABULOUS news Kizzi!! I'm delighted for you        xxx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

I wouldn't have expected any other outcome kizzi   
fabulous news, very excited for you   
Suitcase
x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

kizzi that is fantastic news congratulations xx


----------



## morrigan

Brilliant news - you've had such a long fought battle to get this far - hoping matching is going to be quick - your going to be a mummy - I'm so chuffed for you


----------



## baby0684

Hi

This is my 1st time on this part of the forum. I have posed other places before. But I thought I would introduce myself.

I have been thinking about adoption for a while. I was approved on Tuesday OMG. Still doesnt feel real.
I would like to get to know people who are in a similar situation with me.

I have met some lovely people along the way, but not many singlies.


----------



## Diesy

Hi Baby0684, congratulations on your approval!  Lots of good news on here this week!  How long do you think it will take to get matched?  Wow, this thread is really doing well, we'll have lots of crossed fingers for matching, exciting!  You must be so relieved, it's such hard work!  Keep us posted 

Diesy


----------



## baby0684

The shortest time it takes is about 3 months. 
My SW is on leave at the mo, so she wont be able to look for a match til she gets back in a couple of weeks.

Also I think my match will take a bit longer as I already have a BC. So have to make sure that I can cope with any complications, and then the child is ok with older children.

ATM I am just happy that I have been approved. Im sure I will get to the inpatient time.


----------



## lulumead

Kizzi, yippeeeeee     so so pleased, you're now officially expecting    


Hope matching happens fast. What lovely lovely news.
xxxx


----------



## lulumead

Baby0684, hello


Great news too - I look forward to hearing more about how its all going.    


xxx


----------



## caramac

Woo hoo! Big congratulations Baby and Kizzi - what wonderful news!


----------



## kizzi79

Very very early days but have a possible match of a little boy aged under 1 (cant give too much detail due to confidentialty issues) - am very very excited. Social worker will visit next wednesday with his report. Keep your fingers crossed for me...
Love Kiz  xx


----------



## indekiwi

Oh wow.  WOW!!!!!!!!!!  Kizzi, everything is crossed - so excited for you, Ms Mummy-in-Waiting.    


Baby, congrats to you as well!  And welcome to the singles board hun, hope you get lots of support here.   


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Wow Kizzi that's amazing!!!  Brilliant!  You've not idea how much your news has cheered up my week.    Isn't that amazing to get a baby, he'll be just around the age when you started this adoption lark so it's a lot like pregnancy without the mat wear.  Pleased for you    

Baby, that's an exciting few weeks for you too.  Good luck getting matched.  What age is your BC?

Diesy xx


----------



## baby0684

Congrats kizzi in the match. My friends got shown a profile shortly after panel. He will be moving in start april.

Diesy. My bc is 7. She very excited too.


----------



## Damelottie

Fabulous news on here . OMG Krissi - how exciting. X x x


----------



## BroodyChick

Kizzi -- wooo hoo!

A little baby son, how totally amazing! Very happy for you, and jealous    

Hope you get to meet him very soon.   

Yes, no mummy tummy - LOL Diesy! Perfect  xx


----------



## kizzi79

Thank you for my lovely messages. 

Welcome to the singles board Baby - how lovely to have you and lemonsponge to join me on here -fingers crossed for you both too.

Am far to excited to be any use at work    . Hurry up Weds...

Kiz  x


----------



## Sima

Congratulations on panel approval and also on the possible match.  Things can move quickly when they want to   .  Fingers crossed for you.  Do keep us posted.


----------



## silverbird

Congratulations Kizzi and Baby!!!!!


----------



## kizzi79

Ohhhhhh... Have read profile now and he sounds lovely    next step meeting his social worker, keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

Love Kiz  x


----------



## BroodyChick

Wow, that was fast - sounds amazing!
Best of luck with meeting your little man  xox


----------



## Diesy

OMG so exciting!  

Diesy xx


----------



## bingbong

Oh Kizzi that's so exciting!!! When will that happen?? Keep us posted.


bingbong x


----------



## kizzi79

Hopefully get to meet s/worker next week and then if they are happy meet the foster carer and medical adviser over the next few weeks - so lots of people to please as yet... even before you can get to panel

K    x


----------



## Diesy

Sounds like you are gathering speed though Kizzi which is just fabby news


----------



## indekiwi

Kizzi, hope the days before meeting this little guy are few in number....too exciting for words.     


A-Mx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

kizzi that is great news


----------



## LemonSponge

Brilliant news Kizzi, was thinking of you yesterday. So exciting to think this little boy will have a forever mummy soon, lets hope it's destined to be you.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Kizzi

how did the meeting go with S/W - any news? x


----------



## kizzi79

Thank you for all the lovely messages eveyone   

Hi BC - am still waiting to hear back from his social worker re meeting up - keeping myself busy trying to get the house looking good for her visit   .

Love Kiz  xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Just catching up - wonderful news Kizzi!


May have to pick your brains soon...


    Tis xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Well let me know if you need to borrow a cot! Mine's in storage now until I need it... xx


----------



## kizzi79

Hi all.
Just wanted to update you all. Have heard back from the social workers following lots of meetings that they have decided to approve my link and now I will get to meet his foster carer and doctors and then go to matching panel where the final confirmation that he can be adopted by me. Am hoping if all goes well he could move in by the end of May    
Love to all, Kiz  xx


----------



## BroodyChick

OMG! How exciting! You must be going crazy getting so close 
I am very pleased for you xxx


----------



## Diesy

That's brilliant Kizzi   xx


----------



## greatgazza

Kizzi that's amazing! wow, end of May, that's no time at all! so exciting, it's made me well up   

GGx


----------



## indekiwi

Kizzi, that's wonderful news....everything crossed that come the end of May there will be a little fella snuggled up with his mummy at your house.    


A-Mx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

just perfect news, so pleased for you kizzi, hope all goes smoothly from now until end May    
Suitcase
x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Oh wow - what wonderful news!  Yay!     


Tis xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Kizzi wonderful news how old is he?


----------



## Bambiboo

Congratulations Kizzi, so lovely to hear your news. Fingers crossed it all goes quickly and smoothly for you having him home.

x


----------



## lulumead

Wow kizzi, that is such excellent news. How exciting....you better start arranging your adoption leave    


xxxx


----------



## LemonSponge

Congrats Kizzi, just catching up with your wonderful news! Haven't been on the board as much just recently, but was hoping you had made progress with your LO. Roll on May. I'm expecting my first nephew next month too, so cannot wait for next month! x


----------



## kizzi79

Hi everyone. Thanks for all the lovely messages and PM's. Social workers and foster carer came to visit today (after a few delays). Finally have some proper photos and he is simply gorgeous. Am so excited (guess it must be like finally getting a scan pic   ). Have panel in about a month and hopefully start intros in about 6 weeks (which seems ages, but know thats just how it is   ). He will still be under a year when he moves in though which is nice.

Any news lemonsponge??

How about you Bluey (should imagine you may even have a LO home by now)??

Love Kiz  xx


----------



## Damelottie

SQUEEEEEEEAL!!!!!!!

Oh FANTASTIC news. Looking forward to the next instalment.......


----------



## Diesy

Oh brilliant    
  
Six weeks will fly in, especially if you cram it with stuff you won't do so much of with a BABY!  

Diesy xx


----------



## bingbong

Oh Kizzi that's soooooooooooooooooo exciting!!!!!


bingbong x


----------



## LemonSponge

Kizzi, that's great news and he will still be under a year old, how wonderful! So pleased it's all progressing well x

I think i have researched enough now to know that adoption is right for me. I've got to get my house move sorted first and will be Aunty Lemonsponge this time next week  so i'm really going to enjoy my nephew so much and no doubt learn a lot from him! If all goes to plan i'm going to make my inital contact towards the end of the year. I'm going to have things like my family tree and ecomap ready, so they can see i am well prepared.


----------



## Diesy

Aunty Lemonsponge    Love it!  It's wonderful to hear you young ones can still get babies.  I couldn't adopt because of my job situation and I'd get an older child, if I made it through.  Jeeze, would I have to make it up with my sister...  Oh well the job thing is a defo nono so that's me done for.  Good luck with the new arrival Aunty Lemonsponge!


----------



## LemonSponge

Thanks Diesy, that's sweet of you   My nephew might turn out to be real terror and put me off altogether!

I take it by job situation, you mean you are not working at the moment, or travelling too much? If you're looking for work i'm sure you will find somewhere soon, but i know it can be a drag. My ex was out of work for 2 years after his redundancy and he had worked solidly for 20 years. Don't let age put you off adoption. A family friend adopted when she was 41. Her boy was under 12 months at the time x


----------



## BroodyChick

Kizzi -how super exciting!
It's even better than a scan, you'll get a proper little man to take home with you soon 
Diesy - I also heard that older parents can adopt younger kids, but I guess it depends where you live. A gay couple I know were looking into adoption (aged 35/44) and were told it was under a 9 month process in all, they thought it would take 2 years and have held back for now to save up some money. Their LA is desperate for more adoptive parents to come forward, your age shouldn't be a barrier.

AFM I could imagine adopting a 4 year old, not just a baby...

Best of luck, Kizzie, hope everything continues smoothly and you won't have to wait too long xxxx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Lemonsponge, yes job situ is impossible in that there aren't any.  My age and sex seem to be really working against me too.  It's looking like the supermarkets are my only option, ex uni lecturer and R&D manager/designer, all my hard work reduced to the job I had at 16.  

Broody, yes it's a 9 month turnaround here too, they are begging for adoptive parents.  I took a female friend to the info night and another woman there was avoiding me like the plague in case she caught lesbianism from me - she should be so lucky!  

Interestingly a close family member has told me they are trying to adopt - so exciting - but she says the agency says they have little hope because they are not a minority.  

So exciting to adopt!  Woohoo!  xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

My friend is single 45 and approved for a 0-2 yr old, she moved house a long way during the process which has not helped.


----------



## kizzi79

Well in true s/services tradition paperwork slows everything down... Matching panel is now booked for June 12th as will take too long to do all necessary paperwork before then - so now looking at intros last week of June and hopefully bringing him home early July (am feeling very impatient now I have a real child to focus on even though I know that I have been really lucky to have been linked to a child so quickly - I know several of the families on the adoption board are waiting months for that - so logically know Im lucky but still feel impatient).

Diesy I think the rules re age are now less exact in many areas - here they go more on the medical to indicate your health and lifestyle, rather than age alone - so if you are interested it would definately be worth asking local agencies re their policy. Also they can look at grants and things if in a difficult work/financial position (as i know someone local to me who had money for baby equipment
, furniture, etc and a small support grant).
Love to all, Kiz  x


----------



## lulumead

Kizzi....how frustrating...i can imagine how hard it must be to have to wait...but it will go fast. Maybe spend the time doing lots of grown up things as once LO arrives you will want to just hang out with them   


I'd go to the cinema a lot...I never get to do that now!!


So exciting. Roll on June.
xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

SS have slowed down my friends process many times- her Borough give grants of £500 to buy equipment / stufffor baby and also a monthly allowance of about £500 until the child is 18.


----------



## kizzi79

Well Im on the final count down - after several delays due to the professionals being unavailable to meet etc - matching panel is on Wednesday and should start intros on 26th june!! Social worker has been very positive and told me to go buy stuff - so i have and also had a baby shower at work today (as will be finishing next friday). 
So its hard work ladies, but with the end now in sight , I feel the adoption process is def doable as a single!
Love Kiz  xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Fantastic news x


----------



## Rose39

Wonderful news - so pleased for you!

Rose xx


----------



## Diesy

Awesome Kizzi!  
So happy for you!!!! xx


----------



## bingbong

Just wonderful news!!!! Keep us posted   


bingbong x


----------



## BroodyChick

I can't wait to hear more once you finally get to meet your son!
xxx


----------



## lulumead

so exciting Kizzi....can't wait to hear more    
xxx


----------



## kizzi79

Panel said yes!! - its official, in 2 weeks I will be a mummy!!!!!        
Thanks for all your support, love kiz  xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

fantastic news kizzy, so pleased for you 
and what a lucky little boy to be getting you as his brand new mummy   
Suitcase
x


----------



## indekiwi

Kizzi, YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!  You're on your very own TWW with a perfect baby boy at the end of it.  So incredibly happy for you lovely.   


A-Mx


----------



## bingbong

Wow!!! That's wonderful news, I've been thinking of you all day and wondering how you got on so I'm so pleased to log onto this news!!! Two weeks, wow. You've done so well and hopefully the next two weeks will go fairly quickly with you sorting and getting everything ready!!!


bingbong x


----------



## Rose39

Delighted to hear your lovely news!

Rose xx


----------



## lulumead

Totally fabulous news      
Lets hope this 2 weeks whizz by. So fantastic.
xxx


----------



## notamuggle

Amazing news Kizzi, you must be so happy


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

fabulous Kizzi congratulations


----------



## silverbird

congratulations!


----------



## LemonSponge

So pleased for you Kizzi and the fantastic family life you will give to this little boy. Congrats to you and your son x


----------



## Diesy

Wow, that is amazing news Kizzi!  So happy for you!!!       
Wow, wow, wow!  Can't wait till you meet him now, OMG I'm welling up here!  Congratulations on becoming a mummy!

Diesy xxx


----------



## ambergem

I'm absolutely delighted for you Kizzi! Many congratulations!! Can't wait to hear all about your lovely little boy xxx


----------



## Diesy

How's it going Kizzi, are you "on fire" with productivity getting ready for the stork (social work).  Hope it's all going well!!!  Totally welling up again at the thought of you holding baby boy for the first time.  Good luck!!! xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Wonderful news Kizzi!


So excited for you   


Tis xx


----------



## some1

Kizzi - just caught up with this thread and seen your wonderful news!  Congratulations!!

Some1

xx


----------



## kizzi79

Met my little man for the first time today. He is simply lovely. Feeling overwhelmed after such a big day!!
        

love kiz  xxx


----------



## notamuggle

How utterly amazing! You must be so happy xxx


----------



## Damelottie

Ohh wonderful day Kizzi  xxxx


----------



## Diesy

Wonderful!  That must have felt amazing, Kizzi.  How absolutely awesome!     xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Amazing, hope it continues to go well for you both  when do you get to take him home? xx


----------



## lulumead

Fabulous news Kizzi - must be hard to get to sleep at the moment     Bet you can't wait to get him home.   


xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

So thrilled xx my friend has just been matched with a little boy too she hopes to b a mummy by aug x


----------



## Caledonia

Hi, I'm a newbie single girl and was directed to here on smother thread!

Just reading lady few pages and lovely to hear Kizzi's story... Hope intros are going great xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Caledonia!
Welcome and good luck xx


----------



## Caledonia

Thank you


----------



## Sharry




----------



## kizzi79

Bump for some new single adopters to be who may join us... - welcome and feel free to post on the rest of the singles boards - everyone is very friendly  

How are things with you Bluey - has your new LO arrived?

Any news Caledonia?

Kiz  xx


----------



## baby0684

Hello people. Just found out about this board. I have a little boy who came home 4 months ago. He is 18mths.

Would be nice to chat and get to know others. X


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## kizzi79

Hi Baby. lovely to see you over here. do have a good look round - everyone's very friendly. also at the top of the singles page there is a link to a singles parenting section (or click here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=477.0 ) where there is lots of parenting discussions.
Love Kiz x


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## lulumead

Hello everyone on here,

How are you all doing? 
Kizzi, can't believe your LO has been home 8 months! that has gone so fast.

Well, I am now no longer adopting     Official letter arrived today from the Dept of Education. After an epic 7.5 years of waiting I have had to withdraw my application to adopt from China, my social worker thought it was not wise considering I now have two kids. Of course I totally understand this decision and agreed with her, although it was hard to actually give up after waiting so long and expecting that one day it would happen.  I haven't ruled out adopting in the UK in a couple of years and will always feel a little sad that I never got to complete my adoption but of course I am utterly grateful that I have my gorgeous LO's.

xxx


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## indekiwi

Oh Lulu, that must be such a bittersweet thing to bear.  Yes, fabulous re your two cherubs, but seven years is a long time to carry forward a dream.     


A-Mx


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## lulumead

Thanks inde, as always you hit the nail on the head!!! But hey no complaining here I know how lucky I am 
Xxx


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## Damelottie

Its hard to let go of something that has been with us for so long Lulu xxxx


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## kizzi79

Really sorry to see your news Lulu - so hard, especially after such a long wait. 
Yes lil man is getting BIG now (i need to go shopping for 2-3yr clothes even though he is only 19mnths as soooo tall - but very slim so lots of adjustable waistbands and dungarees). I am very lucky. Social workers should be going to court to finalise the adoption order on 22nd April then we will go to court a couple of weeks later to make it official.
If any one is thinking of adopting I wld def recommend 15000 kids and counting which is on channel 4 (series started last night) which is all about the process from birth families, foster carers, adopters and social workers.
Love to all, kiz and lil C  x


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## Eymet

Hello everyone

I've been through various treatments and am now considering DD, although I am now reading more about adoption. I hadn't realised it was possible as a single person, but am pleased to see I was wrong. 

I have no idea where to start....Can anyone give me some first contacts to make, eg are there a selection of different agencies to approach? 

Many thanks for any info! 

Eymet


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## BroodyChick

You can look on your local council website to find out about adoption info events or evenings, I also went to one organized by Coram in London because I was interested in concurrent planning (where you look after a newborn baby as a foster carer with view to adopting them after a year). Best of luck xx


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## ♥JJ1♥

My friend became a single mum through adoption last yr-She was approved for 0-2 yr old  through her local social services- google your local one they usually have monthly into evening for interested pple to find out more about it x


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## suitcase of dreams

Hi Eymet,
as I understand it (I'm not an adopter although I did look into it in some detail when my tx looked like it was going nowhere), there are two options: your Local Authority (LA) or a Voluntary Agency (VA)
depending on where you are in the country you may be able to apply to more than one LA. this wasn't the case for me, I was told that I had to apply to the one in which I was resident/paid council tax. neighbouring LAs would not pay for me to be assessed
if you look on LA website and search adoption, you'll find the contact details - I found it best to call them, have a chat and then they will send you more info if you want to proceed
with VAs, you can apply to any - so I'd just google and see what you come up with
LA's place children in their own area first and foremost whereas VAs place children from all over, but do tend to have the harder cases that LAs have sometimes failed to place
I was told by my LA that as a single woman I would not get a child 0-2 yrs but if I was able to take on a sibling group or child with disabilities then I would be quite high up the list. But all LAs are different and it depends on your own circumstances and situation too
good luck, am sure one or two of our single adopters will be along soon with some more personal/hands on experience to share 
Suitcase
x


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## StarryEyed

Hi ladies, may I come and join. I'm a single prospective adopter, shortly going to approval panel.


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## Eymet

Thank you for all your info ladies, that's really helped.

I'll start by making contact with my LA!


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## Damelottie

Good luck at panel Starryeyed xxxx


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## Nearly There

Hello Everyone

I hope I can join you all  

I'm a single adopter who was just approved this week. I've had a long journey to this point but I'm so excited for the future.  My approval should be ratified by 3 June then it's onwards to find my LO.


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## BroodyChick

Beat of luck Nearly There, what an auspicious date  
Hope all goes well and you get to meet your little one soon xx


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## Nearly There

Thanks BroodyChick. I see you've not got long to go. You must be soo excited.


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## Nearly There

Hello all

It's very quite over here.  I guess there are not that many singles around  

Oh well!! Yesterday I received confirmation from the agencies decision maker, so it's all official now, yippee!!

During the week I registered for adoption link, the new online family finding service. They contact your social worker to verify you and I thought oh no more delays. But she must of responded straight away because I was made active the very next day.  Anyway I've made enquiries on a couple of LO's. One of which the SW has already responded and asked for my SW's details. I'll just have to wait and see.  

I know it's still early days but I think this bit is worse than the HS. At least I had a bit of control over what was happening. This just feels never ending


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## kizzi79

Congratulations Nearlythere. fab news. I really hope one of your enquiries comes to fruition. Its simply fab - can't believe my LO has now been home nearly a year! Will look forward to your updates... Good luck, kiz  and lil C  xx


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## Nearly There

Thanks Kizzi

I looked back through posts and read your story. It is so inspiring   I'm so glad that you and lil man are doing well. I can't wait to find my LO and settle into family life.

Having come through the other end of the whole process do you have any advice for me at the family finding stage?  I'm leaning towards a little pink as I have no male role models and feel I may struggle with a blue on my own. How are you finding thing?


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## kizzi79

Hi Nearly there

I was very lucky in that the day after I went to approval panel I was approached about a potential match (who became my son) - I think they had us in mind for each other for a while as he was deemed a difficult to place child due to potential learning disability and for medical reasons but I had always been open to taking a child with additional needs (as it stands though the medical problems have resolved over time and he appears to be progressing well cognitively).

Advice - be open to discussing potentials but with that be honest about what you feel you can cope with and ask lots of questions so you are fully aware of all issues affecting that child. The foster carer always knows more than anyone else as they are taking care of the child 24/7 - they can give you the reality of that child's needs. If there are no immediate matches there is always the regional and national registers, Children Who Wait, Be My Parent and a new service Adoption Link (https://www.********.com/adoptionlinkuk) - it needs to be the right match for you to make it work!

Initially with a boy I worried about role models but the nursery he now attends has a male manager who is very involved and granddad and my 2 brother in laws are involved. Not sure if this will change over time (though interestingly he came from a foster home with all foster sisters and a single parent foster mum so in reality is more used to girls/women). I hope over time to get him involved in groups which also give these opportunities (if he is keen), e.g. scouts, sports groups, etc.

Will be lovely to see your journey to joining us "parents" 

Love Kiz and Lil C xx

/links


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## Nearly There

Thanks for your response Kizzi, it was very helpful. 

Yes I think being honest with what I can cope with is crucial. I enquired about a gorgeous little boy but after hearing more, his needs were clearly above what I could manage on my own 

I am already on the national register and I've signed up for adoption link. My SW is going to send my profile out to the LA's so I think I'll wait go send if anything comes of that before I consider CWW or BMP. 

How lucky for you to be matched so quickly. I take it you were assessed by a LA.  You sound so happy and satisfied. I can't recall reading but are you back at work now?


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## Nearly There

Hi Kizzi

I'm at the family finding stage and I've been looking at profiles and I've seen one CPR. I'm totally overwhelmed and wanted to ask you - how did you choose?

I understand that I need to be comfortable that I can meet the LO's needs but with some profiles that are very similar what is your deciding factor?

I would hear about this 'gut feeling'.  Trouble is I'm not feeling that with any of them  what's worse is that I haven't a clue what to say to my SW, as she is waiting for feedback from me. I feel like such a fusspot but I'm not. I just can't imagine parenting the lovely LO's I've seen so far and I feel so dreadful. I just can't explain it 

I'd appreciate any help you can offer xx


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## kizzi79

Hi nearlythere
I only saw two full CPRs  - one whilst i was on prep and Cs profile the day after i went to approval panel. The other profile was for a little girl who had sustained a non accidental head injury at a early age - i chose not to persue any further as her family finder felt she would need someone to be home full time to support her medical needs and i knew this would not be viable as i need to work financially. So the choice was a "head" decision as knew it would not be right for her or me. With Christopher I did not have the infamous "gut feeling" from reading the CPR - but more from meeting his foster care whilst really knew him. My LA has a policy of only showing one CPR at a time (with no photos) for exactly this reason. I wonder if you feel it would help whether you could speak with the children's social workers


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## kizzi79

Or foster cares to be able to get a more realistic picture of them as an individual. Is there anything else which doesn't feel right? - my social worker told me sometimes people are unaware that they have certain preferences until this stage (for example may prefer a younger/older child, a boy/girl, etc).
Good luck, it is all quite emotional!!
Kiz    xx


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## Nearly There

Hi Kizzi

Thanks for coming back to me. I think you hit the nail on the head with your last statement!!

My preference was always for a little girl but I didn't want to completely rule out a boy so I opened my mind to both. However all but one of the profiles I received have been for older boys.  They were all really cute but just didn't feel right for me. Well I slept on it and came to the realisation that as my heart is really set on a little girl I will always have doubts about any boy I look at. 

I told my SW that I've decided to concentrate my search on my hearts desire. She mentioned that it may take longer and that a girl may have more complex needs. However this is a really important decision and I'm prepared to wait for the right LO for me.  Who knows in a couple of months I may feel differently but right now this is what I'm feeling. 

Thanks again xx


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## kizzi79

Any news NearlyThere?

Love kiz  xx


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## Nearly There

Hi Kizzi

No news I'm afraid. 

I've not been around for a while.  Nothing much has been happening. I'm still looking. I've pursued a couple of enquires and I'm waiting to hear back.

Everything moves so slowly  

I'm keeping myself busy, whiling the time away. 

How are you and lil C


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## Nearly There

Gosh I've not been on here for ages but for any singlies looking at adoption I wanted to give an update. 

I was approved with a VA in May 2014 and immediately started my search for my LO. My heart was set on a little girl under 2 yrs but I was bombarded with CPR's for boys. I considered altering my decision but it just didn't sit right with me. So I stuck to my guns and settled in for a long wait. 

In September I was part of a competitive match with a couple for a little girl. Alas I was not successful but in hindsight this was probably a blessing. In December again I was part of a competitive match this time alongside 3 other potential adopters. They visited me twice and I bent over backwards to show them that I was the right match for this little girl. My hard work paid off because I was chosen. At the time she was 10 months old and due to the holidays and various other things she came home when she was 14 months old. 

She's been home over 2 months now and things are going well. We have more good days than bad and overall she is a happy smiley baby who given her history is settling in.  My family absolutely adore her and remark at how much she resembles my mum and I.  I feel so blessed to finally have my daughter. She is such a joy.


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## kizzi79

Yay!!!!!!! Am so happy to hear of your success. It's so wonderful isn't it   Do keep us updated.

Love and best wishes to you and bubs, Kiz and lil C  xx


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## Damelottie

Oh Nearly There - I am just THRILLED for you. What a fantastic update.  Huge congratulations xxxxxxxx


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## BroodyChick

Lovely to read the update! Congrats on being a mum xx


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## indekiwi

Nearly there, congratulations!!!!  Such wonderful news.


A-Mx


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## Nearly There

Aww ladies thanks so much for your best wishes   It was a long and arduous journey getting to her but she was well worth the wait.


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