# 3.5 year old - intermittent/regular wet pants, what to do?



## charliezoom (Oct 17, 2004)

Hello!

My daughter self initiated potty training before Easter last year when she was 2 3/4 years old. We went with it but she didn't appear ready, got it for a few days then lost all interest, so on advice of Health Visitor & my sister we stopped and restarted after a few weeks when things went much better. She was upset and relieved in equal measures to stop and requested big girl pants a few times in the weeks we had a break. 
We hit a stage of poos in pants but got over that in the Summer time.

We have periods of not getting to the loo on time, sometimes through being engrossed in something, sometimes laziness and sometimes it seems just because she is tired or brewing a bug or appears to being obstinate. 
It's now been mentioned at preschool my one of the staff as she had 3 wet pairs in the day on Tuesday, I was helping this morning and we had 3 pairs in under 2 hrs! I've had urine checked before and no issues there, no temp etc, she had dilated kidney's as a baby but all ok now (however it has taught me to be vigilant about these things). 

A bit of background...
I was just the same as a child, I can remember it well enough to know how it feels (frustrating and embarrassing!) is this possible to be a hereditary issue? I wasn't dry at night until the month before starting school, unsure if day and night are ever connected. Her night time dryness is intermittent too so I've never taken the step of nappies off at night.
We sold and moved house when she was 1 1/4 then rented for 2 years. We bought & therefore moved again in Dec (got new house in October so she moved preschool and we did house up in the days but went back to old rented house each night). 
DH has Multiple Sclerosis (which is mainly in check) & our business is struggling to make enough profit in the recession although we try to ride the storm but sadly these issues do create stresses and frayed tempers between me and DH. 
She has recently started to get very angry and scratch, hit, kick and bite if she is requested to do something she'd rather not do but is being asked/pushed to do it as it NEEDS to be done. Go to bed, brush teeth, etc etc. This tends to occur mainly at night time when tired but can be at other times, as far as i know it has only happened to us two (a little more to my husband than me, I'm her main carer).
She dropped her day nap over a year ago but has one occasionally in car. I am long term Bfing but feeds are generally on waking and at night but 99% of the time she'll fall asleep on me as she is so tired. She still wakes (and wakes me - Dh can't get up at night, joys of MS!) in the evening or night once or twice for a drink of water.
GP has asked that we keep her fluids high due to previous signs of dehydration so she is aware she needs to have clear wee not orange wee and therefore drinks accordingly but maybe then gets a bit annoyed that means more trips to the loo - she commented on it today! She doesn't miss much! 
She's a cleaver, witty & lovely girl, I don't want this to hold her back. I'm unsure if she can help it or if it is just a little beyond her control. I don't get annoyed with her about it (99% of the time  ) and have followed as much as possible what most of the books on potty training say - to stay calm, tell her I know she can do it, be positive and upbeat and keep calm and un-flustered, non critical etc. Is this the right thing to do? Lady at preschool was a little less so and talked about it in front of her too - as I say she doesn't miss a thing, very flappy ears! Not sure that was the best approach?

Enough of my essay! Sorry that was a real brain dump!! 

 Thanks in advance for your help and response, Charlie xxx


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## gerbera (Aug 4, 2008)

wow! I think that u are doing all the right things but there is a lot going on in your life which is obviously having a impact on all of u. 
dehydration is a transient state due to lack of fluid/illness so although hydration is important maybe u could reduce her fluids a little, particulary in the evenings? There seems to be a lot of focus on drinking and weeing so ease off a little on her. Try and limit her habit of drinking in the night too.
Have u spoken to ur HV? there are a few issues here to sort out. Also always keep in the back of ur mind it may be a infection or irritable bladder?
Sorry I havent been much help. 
Andrea


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## charliezoom (Oct 17, 2004)

Hi,

ta for your reply.

Not seen a HV since her 2 year check, may be i can get over to see one - good point, ta.

I don't make a big issue about drinking - GP advised her to drink a bit more last summer and she has logged it, she doesn't miss much! She wakes at night and wants a BF so water has been a solution to break the BF during the night but has now become a bit of a habit.

She's been a lot better this week with lots encouragement & praise. Tho not a whole day dry and to be honest I don't think we've had a whole week dry since potty training began. Is that unusual and a cause for concern - enough to take her to HV or GP bearing in mind she'll hear and understand the entire conversation?! I've looked into the irritable bladder and I guess it is worth a chat with GP but again I'm concerned she will hear the conversation and that may impact on her state of mind with it all.

She's been getting drier at night the last couple of weeks too so maybe this is having an impact on the day too, is that possible?

Thanks again for your reply. Hopefully we'll get there eventually!

Charlie xxx


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## gerbera (Aug 4, 2008)

does sound like she is getting there! x try the hv if u arent getting anywhere x


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