# Making friends with adopters



## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Just wondering how you do it? Our prep group was quite small. We shared email addresses and I've sent a couple of emails suggesting meet ups but haven't had any takers. I think that when/if we are parents it will be important to us and our children that we know other adoptive families. I'm hoping that toddler groups willbe the answer but I don't know whether I should be relying on that or whether there is something more proactive I can do now. Would love to hear stories from people who have friends or even a community of other adopters about how that materialised.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hey C,

What a brilliant thread. I must admit we're 2yrs since lil guy moved in and we don't really have other adopters in our immediate circle. We know a few (or I do) through out agency get together a 1-2 per year and our auk local group. It's a funny thing as even if you know others (ie from prep) I am still quite guarded about Los history or quirks - it's easier & I feel more supported through some of the wonderful folks on this's site (you know who you are ladies 😇☺😇).

Good luck x


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

There is a play date option now on adoption link that may work in moving forward a little x don't know if that will help x


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi
I am always getting email invites to local support group meetings and courses etc. I'm not sure if it's part of my AUK subscription or something else I signed myself up to in the process! We haven't been to any meetings though as we just don't feel the need. Could you ask your SW? 
I did meet up with some local adopters that my HV put me in touch with but it wasn't for me. We met at a play barn and were all kind of huddled in chatting quietly and I felt a bit uneasy.
I am most happiest when I'm with my friends who have children and don't feel I need to make friends with other adopters but I appreciate how others may see this as important 😊. 
Saying that we are meeting our prep group next month and meeting all the babies! Really looking forward to that. 
Also I have a really lovely friend from work who adopted several yrs ago and has teenage kids. We've met up and will continue to do so but again she was a friend from before. Do you have Sny friends of friends that you could be put in touch with maybe?
Plus there's you lovely ladies of course! x


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## ultrafirebug (Oct 22, 2010)

We didn't gel with any of the people on our course today. When I asked one of the post adoption teams about groups they said that even though there are some in our la they are few and far between and as its a large county there might not be one in our area. They said that they are happy for people to start their own groups. Have you tried your local children's centre to see if they have any adoption groups?


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We stayed friends with a couple from our prep group. She posted her prep dates on here and they matched ours. I messaged her on the off chance and it was the same one. It was lovely as we got talking for a couple of weeks before we met and met outside so we could go in together! Their little boy was placed a month after our little pink and he's only two weeks older. I've become friends with a lady with two gorgeous boys who went through our agency. I got talking to her on here. And two of my best friends are two amazing ladies I've met on here. We meet monthly and talk most days. Our kids are close. I know we're lucky and this site has been amazing for us xxx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Anyone in London, there is a fab group called We Are Family.


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

our post adoption support team have recently set up an under 5's toddler group for us adopters and our LO's. we meet monthly at a local children's centre, they want it to be run by volunteers eventually, so if there isn't one in your area could you maybe offer to set one up (with the help of post adoption SW'ers?) 

good luck x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Our LA do a stay and play once a month for pre school adopters which is great. One of the mums I've seen at another group as well that we go to which is nice. I like the stay and play as there's a couple of social workers there who kind of help with the kids so adopters get a chance to chat.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

I go to We Are Family too Barbados Girl it's great. 

I have also met people through adoption link play date finder. 
Also been to an AUK toddler group and plan to go again. 

My SW put me in touch with another adopter of siblings and I've found her friendship has been the most invaluable. 

We also kept in touch with others from prep but have so far only met once with one of them. 

You could post on the post placement board once your LO is home as its a restricted area of the forum. And ask if anyone is local. 

I've met more adopters than I ever imagined. But I did make a massive effort to do so. 

I also go to toddler groups and although I haven't made friendships as such I do chat to people there and enjoy the interaction, as do the LOs. 

I really appreciate the contact with other adopters as my friends children are all older and not as close in age as mine are (11 months) which is very different to their experience. 

Good luck xx


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

We didn't really keep in touch with anyone from our PREP group and more than half of the couples on our course didn't actually go on to adopt anyway   lol!

I was very open in my work place with regard to discussions with colleagues about us adopting. I got to know a lady who was an experienced adopter with 2 girls who had been with her family for 7 years. I have to be absolutely honest and say that she actually turned out to be a complete angel for us when we went through some very extreme times after the boys were placed. 

Our SW also asked other adopters on his case load if we could contact them. It actually turned out that this couple had adopted the little boy who had shared a FC placement with our youngest boy for nearly 2 years  ! We became good friends and the boys now get to see each other regularly, which they love. The couple had also started an 'unofficial' adopters support group and there is now 7 of us who meet up as regularly as we can. 

We have a fantastic support network and really great friends, yet in my hour of real need I have to be honest and say that the only people I thought really 'got' me, or understood my boys behaviours etc were other adopters. We are no championing in our LA with SS to start an adoption 'buddy' scheme as other adopters are now widely recognised as a crucial support for anyone at anytime in the adoption process. 

I also have to echo what Gertie said in that the support from other members here has also been a great life line in many an hour of need


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Yes definitely this forum. It's been amazing. Thanks guys xxx


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Thanks everyone. That was really helpful. I am so lucky to have this forum and all of you guys. I've been staying off some of the longer threads because when I was on the IVF threads I sometimes found them a bit overwhelming. But I think I should jump in because I read them anyway and I actually feel like I know so many of you. Gertie, it's two years? I was totally lurking around the forum all the time ago and I remember you beng matched etc. Cyber support is great, just wish you could all pop over for a cup of tea/glass of wine occasionally!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I'm so lucky I'm in touch with a couple and a single adopter from prep also two ladies from here.  I honestly wouldn't have stayed anywhere near as sane without adopters as friends.  Our kids adore each other and as they get older I think having other adopted friends as they grow up will be invaluable so I am so glad xx


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

I too was disappointed not to have gelled with people from prep group. Luckily have a couple of dear adoption friends from our regional ivf group from years back. Anyway, point of my reply is to say my LA also has a monthly adopters play group so I hope yours does too when the time comes. Also am now good friends with a local adopter who asked her SW to put her in touch with someone near her and my SW came to me. Something to bear in mind? 
FWIW I was keen to have adopter friends partly as there are issues and context I like to be able to discuss with people in similar situations and partly so there is a chance my lb will have adopted friends as he gets older. 
Good luck with it all 
Gettina


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## Skippy123 (May 29, 2015)

Hi I'm new to the adoption scene. I was looking for more information we put our apication pack in 2weeks ago and I have no idea where it goes from here or what I need to prepare for? Can someone please help it would be greatly appreciated x


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## ultrafirebug (Oct 22, 2010)

Hi Skippy, I'll message you as this thread is for something different.


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