# becoming a surrogate



## mummy22girls (Jan 17, 2007)

hi there, i have been thinking long and hard for a long time about becoming a surrogate and after having my own two children i have decided its somthing i really want to do. i have so many reasons for wanting to do this that if i started now i wouldnt be finished till ten tonight lol so id say my main reason is being able to help someone have somthing so special that words can not describe, and if we can do that then arnt we the lucky ones?? <if that makes sense!

i have read and read and read cots, and have decided to join!!
is it best to go through an agency, or private? just wanted peoples opinions on that?

many thanks cheryl xx


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## maymcg (Aug 26, 2009)

Hiya Cheryl

I am a member of COTS and have found it invaluable. I would never do this without the support of not only an organisation behind me but also of all the wonderful surros and IPs. The boards there and full of support and good advice and general chat.

I know that if (God forbid) anything went wrong i would have the support workers to fall back on but more importantly my good friends on the boards. 

You know where you are with an organisation, whats next, and how to go about things but if you dont you can always ask and someone will answer no matter how silly the question is.

Well done on making this decision and whatever or whoever you decide to go with i know you wont regret it. 

Good Luck
May
Xx

P.S. have you posted on the COTS Public forum?


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## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi Cheryl

Thank you so much for wanting to be a surrogate - Im an IP and there just arent enough words to thank people like you! You change lives and make dreams come true, so thank you for even thinking about it.

Im with COTS like May, I love it too - everyone is soooo friendly and helpful, you can talk about anything on the boards and there is always someone who understands or has good advice. Surrogates dont pay a penny to join, but they get loads of support and will be given the profiles of IPs to choose from when they are ready to start. 

Good luck with whatever route you choose - if you dont want to join an agency you can always post here for any questions/support and someone will always respond.

Hugs
Claire xx


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

I am not with an Agency, just another cost for the IPs in my opinion. Good luck with your quest.

Dawn xx


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## maymcg (Aug 26, 2009)

Hiya

It all depends on your circumstances really and how much you think you will need. 

Most first timers are advised to ask for 10k, more experienced surros ask for 12-15k. some people ask for less, i have heard of people asking for more (dont know how they justified it tho!) 

Expenses are to pay for things like, change of diet, vitamins, matty clothes and stuff, a holiday for you and your family to recover, takeaways if you are sick and cant cook, travel etc. Basically everything you would buy during the 9 months that you wouldnt buy/do if you werent pregnant.

It seems like a lot but it all adds up and uses it all. You get paid a % of the full amount every month of pregnancy then the remainder as a lump sum when the birth is registered.

you can ask for as little or as much (as long as you can justify it to the courts) as you like. Most IPs will have budgeted for around the 10k mark and are made well aware of this when they join.

Hope this helps.
May
Xx

feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this or anything else.


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## luski (Jan 4, 2004)

dont no if it's helpful but r surrogate has asked for £4k as she doesn't work & we will be 

                        taking her to most appointments so there r also no traveling expences. I'm sure most of it will

                        be going on domino's cookies   but thats my fault as i got her hooked on um lol

                        Of course it's gonna be alot more for us as we have insurance, will's, traveling, solicitors etc...

                        but it will all be worth it in the end. I feel we have been very lucky that we have found some1

                        who is so kind & caring & is now a very close friend 


                                              xxxTammy xxx


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Cheryl

Just wanted to add to what other ladies have said.  You are offering to do a wonderful thing and it is impossible to put a price on the gift that you will give to your IPs.  Just wish that there were more wonderful ladies like you.  Hats off to you

My sister helped us.  She did not work (just some part time tuition from home) so there was very little loss of income.  It was a FET rather than a frozen cycle.  We kept all receipts and just had to send the spreadsheet to the court so figures are fresh in my mind.  It was about £5.5k which was costs for the FET at the most expensive clinic in London, some new maternity clothes, vitamins, drugs for the FET, travel/taxis from Birmingham to London, pads etc for after the birth etc etc.  She refused a cleaner despite me offering loads of times. On top we will pay for a family holiday to Florida next year which will cost around £3k.  So you can see that even without loss of income, it is heading towards £9k.

Hope that this gives some useful/helpful info.

Good Luck with your journey.  I hope that it will be a wonderful experience for you and your IPs.  You really are an angel.  
Carolyn xx


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## gill5 (Apr 27, 2009)

Hi Cheryl,
what a brilliant opportunity you are going to give someone !
We are IPS.
We found our super surrogate without an agency,we have become great friends,but very sadly she has become ill,  thankfully she is now recovering ,and wanting to continue trying to help us.
My husband and I ,have had to insist that she must now concentrate on herself and her children,which was not easy, as she is so giving, and focused  on trying to help us,and of course we are devastated that we are back to square one, on our long, and so far very sad journey.  
We are now considering joining an agency,but would rather not, as our experience was only positive ,and we were all very happy with the arrangements.
We are now starting our journey again trying to find a surrogate.
Much love to you, and good luck your gift to the lucky IPS.


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## maymcg (Aug 26, 2009)

A huge big No is the answer to your question  

It is more important to have the right relationship with your IPs rather than if they had children or not. You will be sent a few Ips details and you have to try and pick which ones you like the most - its horrible as all you want to do is help them all but you usually find that one will jump out at you.

If you post on the boards you may also find that you like the sound and 'feel' of a couple by what they post there. I did that and requested their details and a year on we are going for our 2nd transfer.

I never had a preference as to whether they had children or not and it just so happens that my IPs dont but i also liked a couple that already had 2 and desperately wanted a third. Having 3 children myself i could totally relate to that. My Mum however has said to me that she is happy i am doing it for my IPs but she wouldnt be to keen if they already had children hmmmmm.

Its totally up to you, its okay to say you only want childless couples and its okay to not care who you chose as long as you get along well with them.

Xx


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## maymcg (Aug 26, 2009)

Hiya again

have you posted on COTS yet? You can ask all these questions on there as we all have when we started our journeys.

Who is doing your info session? Its a very informal meeting where you go through what happens, get your blood kit and they get the info they need. You also have a chance to ask any questions you may have. 

We were all so nervous when we had ours and everybody told us not to worry about it and you know what there was no need as it is just like having coffee with a friend. 

Good luck (not that you will meed it  )


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## maymcg (Aug 26, 2009)

they will give you a kit to take to your docs to get a blood sample to send to a lab to test for STIs and CMV.


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## gill5 (Apr 27, 2009)

Hi Cheryl,
Happy New Year
Just wondering if you had joined an agency yet ?I know that you were thinking about COTS .
We are IPs and have found a surrogate with out an agency, but are now thinking of joining as our surrogate is unwell.(as on my last post )
Would you recommend COTS ,or have you had experience of another agency?
Would be great to hear what you have learned,or decided to do
Seems to take so long to get sorted
Best wishes Gill x


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