# How far will you go for BFP a second time ?



## Agathe (May 31, 2006)

Hello FF,

I had another BFN yesterday. It was after 4IUIs, 3IVFs and 2FETs. However one of this FET was successful and I am now the blessed mummy of a wonderful baby boy (14 months).
I know I should feel extremely blessed with what I have and I really do not want to upset anybody here but just wanted to know if anybody was in the same situation as me.
After the birth of my son, I did another FET and a fresh cycle of IVF, both negative.
How far would you go to try to get pregnant a second time ?
How come I cannot be fully happy with what I already have ?
I will be 37 in a few months, my FSH is just below 10 and my husband's sperm is average following a testicular cancer in 2003.
I am still depressed by my negative result yesterday but has anybody been in the same situation and what did you do ?
Your help will be greatly appreciated,

Agathe.


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## Stalyvegas (Oct 14, 2007)

Hi Agathe

Im not quite in the same situation as you, I have had nothing like the amount of tx you have had, but I have had IF issues and was unable to conceive all by myself (well with DH too  ).

I adore my DD, she is my little angel but both DH and I had always wanted more than 1 child - cant explain why but we just didnt want just the one. So we decided that because of having probs the first time round we wouldnt leave it long before trying again, and because my AF never appeared I was referred back to gyne 5 months after having DD so got back into the system early on. We have been exceptionally lucky and I am now 31 weeks pg after just 1 cycle of clomid. 

However we decided at the outset that we were prepared to try clomid, possibly ov drilling but that was it, we didnt want to go for more invasive treatment than that because of the toll it would have taken emotionally on us both, when we already had DD to care for and be grateful for - i dont want that to sound preachy, it was just how we felt.

When it came down to taking the clomid DH had already almost changed his mind due to the SE of clomid, but we agreed on 6 months of giving it a go and then we would accept 'fates' decision. I think that if you want to pursue a 2nd child then you go for it, it doesnt make you bad for not being satisfied with what you already have, but I would recommend trying to make sure you always keep in sight that you do have a family as we all know how consuming IF and TX can be. Im sorry you are having a hard time and have had a negative result, and hope things get better soon  

Your post seemed to indicate that you wanted some honest replies, not just platitudes so I hope I havent offended.
Rach
x


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## fluffy jumper (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi Agathe

I am not in exactly the same situatin as you as I haven't had as much tx.  However, I have just had a BFN and we do already have another Son for whom we are extremely grateful for.  When I got the BFN I went straight to look at my beautiful Son sleeping so I could remind myself how lucky we are.
However, I don't know why but we do really want another child.  Partly because I think about what would happen if something happened to Max.  I just never saw us as a one child family and although I am 42 and don't have much time I am definately going to try again as soon as I can.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, don't feel bad for wanting another child, it doesn't mean you aren't satisfied with the one you have.


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## sam 2 (Jul 23, 2008)

Hi Agatha sorry to hear about your bfn, but congratulations on your little boy, i cant say i understand what you are feeling but i do know about the disappointment of a bfn, we had treatment in Jan 08 and it didnt work for us, we just hope that next year when we try again it works for us, you are so lucky hun being blessed with alittle boy just hope you get what you want sam x


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## fluffy jumper (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi Agathe

Since the last time I responded to this post we have had a failed IVF and I am about to try a second IVF.  I am determined to have another child and we will probably try adoption after that.  The more I fail to conceive the more sure I am we want another child.  Mainly so Max isn't an only child as he grows up.


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## CLshark (Apr 10, 2007)

Hi Agathe,

I'm not in the same situation as you. I've not had nearly as many IVF/ICSI attempts but did have a BFP but lost our baby at term.    

I'm desperate for another baby, a sibling for Ben. We have all the baby things and equipment; stuff that we'd never have bought had I not been expecting our baby. We can't replace Ben, and we're not trying to. Just finished our 2nd IVF attempt but got a BFN. 

I'd be willing to try IVF forever for another baby. I'd rob a bank to fund the attempts - if I had to! (well, maybe not) But I'm 38 now and that biological clock is ticking. I was seriously ill 6 weeks after giving birth to Ben (not connected with losing him) and this put back our 2nd IVF attempt considerably.    Dh is totally against adoption or donor eggs (my younger sister offered hers if I didn't respond to the drugs) so I have no back up plan if all our IVF attempts fail.   

I don't know if I'll ever be able to give up trying IVF. The day I give up on IVF will be the day I give up on life. The hope of another baby is the only thing keeping me going, right now, and I can't see that changing. I've died inside and another baby is the only way to get the old me back. 

I have no idea if there will be a right time to stop for us. When I became pregnant with Ben, we'd already decided not to try IVF again, but that had more to do with me not responding to the injections (I only got the one follicle) and at the time we felt that we had been exceptionally lucky and didn't want to push our luck. 

Only you will know when to give up. Don't worry about 'wasting' money. Another child is important to you. It won't help if you look back in 10 years time wishing that you'd tried more IVF.


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## fluffy jumper (Aug 13, 2007)

Oh CLshark.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Although I have suffered a loss myself I really can't imagine how awful it must have been for you losing a baby at term. 

I don't blame you for keep trying for as long as it takes.  My second son who I found I was expecting when my first son died has got us through our loss and although he hasn't replaced Marcus directly he has in a way.

Good luck.


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

We have a little boy, conceived naturally 2 weeks after we were told that we needed ICSI!

He's the light of our life and is 22 months old - he will be 2 on 30 November.

We've been trying for another baby for the past 6 months with no success.  We've been referred back to the clinic where we were having investigations the first time round and DH has had a Semen Analysis which was really poor - worse than it was 3 years ago.  We've been told that with that result and my age we need ICSI.

We're not in the position to fund it, financially, and so are trying to make some decisions about where we go from here.  Do we carry on TTC naturally, and for how long before we just have to move on (I can't take the disappointment forever!).  Do we look into other options, such as IUI or do we try and save for maybe one cycle of ICSI (which would no doubt take us a few years) before we call it a day?

I desperately want another child and am filled with regrets, ie maybe I should have started trying again straight after DS was born (I didn't feel ready to and foolishly was starting to beleive that my fertility had somehow improved and we'd have a chance to do it naturally again!).  I don't think theres much point in beating myself up though.

Its not always a question of "how far will you go" as "how far CAN you go" - emotionally, physically and financially.


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## fluffy jumper (Aug 13, 2007)

Ladymoonlight.  If you want another child I would set the ball rolling as soon as you can.  This is speaking from someone who has now got to 42 3/4.  I have been trying ever since darling Max was born 3 and 3/4 years ago.  It is amazing how time ticks away.

I thought that breastfeeding supresses your fertility.  I know you can get pg breast-feeding but I think it is meant to be natures way of ensuring you can feed one child before you have another. Might be worth stopping and seeing if that helps.  A friend of mine got pg just after she stopped bf her little one (her first was ICSI as they had been told that was their only hope), second a big natrual surprise.  

This made me convinced that I would get pg the month after stopping bf - but that was 2 1/2 years ago!


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Tracey - we are trying, but as I've said, we're not in a position to privately fund ICSI so its not an option for us, we have already set the ball rolling and are trying naturally, we also have a clinic appointment on 3 December but unfortunately if they say that ICSI is the only way we can have another child we'll have to forget about it.  We have a massive mortgage and simply can't take on any extra debt.  ICSI might be a wonder treatment but its expensive and not everyone can afford to pay for it. 

I'm trying to wean my son off breastfeeding, its taking a while but I hope to get him off by the time he's 2.

I do know that at my age without ART theres a good chance we won't have any more children and without being able to aoffrd ART we are pretty much at the mercy of nature.  At our appointment in December I am going to ask whether we could try Clomid, IUI and maybe DH could see a urologist, see if theres any low-tech ways we can enhance our chances but ICSI/IVF is a big no-no for us.  

I have already accepted theres a good chance I won't have another child.  I know our chances are slim, but as I've said, we are at the mercy of nature.  Clinics won't help you for free!


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## fluffy jumper (Aug 13, 2007)

Hi ladymoonlight.
you are probably right not to take on the debt of icsi, especially as there are no guarantees.
I dopn't know how old you are but my first clinic said the have had no success with iui in over 40's. we tried but failed. it is still 700 plus with v low success rates


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