# Anyone coming to terms with a recent negative result?



## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi 

I thought i might start this topic in case there are any ladies out there like me who have had a recent negative result and just feel at a bit of a loose end. 

This was  my third attempt at IVF, my second fresh cycle with ICSI. I got my negative today and am totally crushed and full of utter disappointment and self blame.

I find it very difficult to pick myself up after these results and to find a way forward. You  feel completely lost. If you're like me, I've been trying not to plan for the future, but can't help it. Now I don't fit in with the other threads that are all full of hope looking towards another IVF cycle, of waiting for a positive result, and I find it hard to cope with peoples happiness when they find they are pregnant because it hasn't worked for me. Doesn't that sound selfish, but I can't help but feel that it is natural.

I am a believer in trying to stay positive, and don't want this to turn into a massive wound licking session, but thought women in identical situations might be able to help one another over the next few days or even weeks.

I hope to hear from you soon.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Sho so sorry you have had a negative result hun, i know what you maen about not knowing where to post and feeling in limbo hun, i think a lot of feel that way after BFN. I decided to move your post here as a lot of people who have had BFN do not feel up to reading the ivf and other tx boards hopefully you will get the support you need here while supporting others in the same boat 

take care 

pam xx


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## alwayssunny (Dec 19, 2004)

I know what you mean about feeling down. I got my BFN last week on my Birthday AF came then the next day I had to go for the blood test to tell me what I already knew...
I've got one last chance now in a few months. I'm trying to keep posative about it all but it's very difficult when all I seem to get is Negatives  
Well I've been having a few wines the last week and had a girly night out last night till the early hours of the morning. It cheared me up at the time but as always I have my little crys every now and then.
When do you do another treatment? 
I wish you all the luck for the next one. Lets just hope it's our turn.....  
Take care, keep happy and healthy.
luv Sunny.x


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi

I know what you mean Sunny. The worst part for me is I can feel myself getting really bitter because conception seems to come so easy for people and is so hard for me.
Perhaps naughtily I will be trying my own version of IVF for a couple of months. We have purchased a load of preseed. Hopefully it will give my husbands sperm a helping hand. I also have about a tonne of pogesterone suppositories left over from my frozen cycle so I'll be trying those as well to see if we can get a miracle.

I don't know about you, but I just feel in limbo. I desperately want a baby, but have had enough of IVF. I'm totally fed up with the end result. I don't mind the injections or the scans, its "that" phone call. I dread it. My husband is out of the country for three months of the year which really limits our attempts, so I may have to have a go at a frozen cycle on own, because whilst I have had enough of trying, I can't bear the thought of not because i need a baby so much.

When is your next attempt? Is it your final attempt for finacial or emotional reasons? I know we hare coming close to the end of the money pit! 

I tried reflexology this time to help with coping with the process. Maybe you could try that or acupuncture this time. At this stage I'm sure you'll try anything. I'm almost ready to throw all I have practised in terms of healthy diet, vitamins etc out of the window and just get drunk and bonk my husband and see what happens. Maybe its the pressure that is a hindrance as well.

Have you got any plans in terms of a new strategy with your next cycle?

xxx


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## three_stars (Jan 19, 2006)

-Posted this on 2 ww wait but was sent over here---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I also  have a BFN today.  AF arrived.  still light but did HPT yesterday and nothing.  WHat is up with that?  ANytime I broke down and did a HPT a little early I have always gotten AF within 24 hrs.

So fed up with this.  Guess it is time to throw in the towel on my own eggs and go for the donor process but was still hoping for my own to work again.  Fat chance at my age, right?

Was interested to read today that older eggs actually have more chance of giving a BFP naturally then with IVF as they can not withstand the rigors of tx and lab.  Guess it makes sense.  But have been too busy trying to do years of IVF cycles to have ( or want) much natural sex!!!    Maybe if there was not MF problems as well there could have been a chance.. happened 2 yrs ago but mc at 10 wks..  

Well cracked open the last bottle of really good wine from s France, saved for many years.  Not a celebration.... more of a "Gxd I really deserve this today!"  A Bar of dark chocolate and a good strong cappucino as well today.. as I have been feeling really deprived!

All you other BFN s... go give yourself some pampering... this is so hard and we all really deserve it.
All BFP s .. God bless you and your PG... you give us all badly needed hope! 
Bonnie


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Good Morning

Thanks for letting me know about this thread Sho.  Like you I dont know where to go from here, dont really want to post on the threads where there is such good hope. After getting a BFN yesterday, I am totally devastated. They say 'where theres a will theres a way' I have now done 4 cycles and a FET.  How much more do I have to go through?  Will it ever work?  I am a naturally positive person and for the first time in 9 years of trying I am beginning to admit defeat. I always thought I would have my own natural child but adoption is becoming more and more of a realistic option to me now. Maybe I am not supposed to be a biological mum!  I am even crying writing this    

I know IVF is a wonderful treatment and offers hope to couples of having a child  and as IVF is the only way possible for me it has been a lifeline for me but I am now both emotionally and financially drained.  I feel like a lost soul and just wish I knew what the future held for me.  I have tried focussing on all the good things I have - a superb husband, supportive family and friends.  The only thing missing is a child.

Sorry for being a bit indepth, but I dont know who to share my thoughts with just now.  As I said I am surrounded by lots of lovely people but I dont think they truly understand and this makes me feel very lonely sometimes.  Does that make sense?

Anyway I better go and try to eat some breakfast.  TC
Lynn xx


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Girls,

Life's a bi**ch isn't it.
When i lost my first tube I use to think "Oh well if ivf doesn't work I still have one tube" but now Ive lost that tube as well the only way for me to get pregnant is by ivf.
I look at peoples posts & see that people have been through 6,7 ,8 + attempts but I don't think I could stand it.
My first attempt was abandoned cause of my poor response & I only got 3 eggs on second attempt & that was with the max of 7 ampoule's of menopur, don't know what they will want to try next time.
But there will be a next time, im lucky that i still have one more cycle left on the nhs, if that doesn't work we'll pay for one but thats it for me. I have to have a cut off point in my mind & be able to get on with my life, I have to believe I'm worth something without children.
I feel more sorry for my husband, he has no problems & as I'm always saying he could go out & get someone pregnant tomorrow, I have offered him the opportunity to walk away & to get on with his life but so far he hasn't gone, he says that he married me for me & not what I could give him but I know he longs for a child.

Sorry I'm rambling but its good to get it off my chest, even if it doesn't make sense...Jane


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi girls

Just thought i would post as its like reading my feelings on this thread,  i had my 2nd ivf failure last week and just felt like there was no hope left for me.  
I have a blood clotting disorder where ihave to take heparin which i was given on this cycle and after having 2 grade 1's put back on board i really thought i would be in luck.....but no!!!  Can't understand it and there is no rhyme or reason to why we do everything we can, do all the right things, eat well, no drink etc and other people drink, smoke, take drugs etc., and get pg at the drop of a hat - life is unfair.

I have also said to my DH that he could go andmeet someone else and become a father but he says it was me that he married and a baby is a bonus, but i know he desperatly  wants to be a dad  and i feel that i can never give him that.  I feel so lost and feel like i dont fit in anywhere,  friends all talk about babys and i feel they look at us as the childless couple and dont know what to say to us.  

We went to an adoption evening the other night and we came out of there even more depressed than when we went in,  they said that children under the age of 5 you could be waiting years for, they are after couples to adopt children over 8, disabled, sibling groups of 3+,special needs so i felt totally deflated after that too.

We are going back to our clinic next Friday to see what our options are now, but i feel that i cannot go through another cycle of ivf, financially and emotionally. 

Well sorry for rambling
take care everyone
love Lisa x


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

hi ladies

i'm glad there are a few of here that can  perhaps thrash out a few ideas and maybe get ourselves back on track.

Lynn I can really identify with what you were saying about when to stop. When is the writing plainly on the wall? Part of me like you I think, thinks obviulsy you keep going til you get what you want, but is that the right thing to do?  As Jane was saying we ARE worth someting without children, but when yu think about ti, isn't it amazing how much pressure there is to have children. For me, and I guess for all of us, I feel the overwhelming drive to hold my own baby in my arms, produced with the man I love, but maybe the inability (if it is an inability) to have that, would be easier to cope with if I didn't feel so totally left out by life. probably like you, my friends have babies, as many as they want when they want and I am not aboe to participate in conversations about sleepless nights and feeding times, whatever.

I've done a hell of a lot of thinking about this over the past few days and for me, I think I've found a way to go on. I'm giving up. I'm giving up on being bothered. There is a good chance that if I continue to have IVF for the rest of my life I  wil remain childless. What then? If I carry on with my mental attitude the way it is, I'll be a miserable, bitter old hag with no friends and a husband I'll probably resent being with. That scares me more than not having a child. I feel I have been trying far too hard for this, even during the IVF. My mind has been running my body, so I'm letting go. If it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. Like you Lynn I feel emotionally drained, and there is a finite amount of money. I've had enough of it all. Basically I'm angry that I've handed over 11000pounds assuming that of course I'll have a baby, that's why people do IVF isn't it? When that baby doesn't arrive you feel cheated. Maybe it isn;t always the answer.

I'm going back to good old fashioned sex to get pregnant. My husband does have a low count, but it isn't that bad and men with worse have had babies naturally. I've bought a load of preseed to help them out and i'm going to try and enjoy having sex with my husband again.

One of my friends on FF has pointed me in the direction of something called NaPro and the London NaPro Fertility clinic (I think that's what it is called) It is a natural fertility treatment and babies are conceieved in vivo.  they claim that this technique is about 78% successful. A lot of it looks like common sense approach. For example, they don't believe there is such a thing as unexplained infertility, it's probably something like not a full ovulation or an extremely subtle hormone imbalance, but ti might be worth a couple of you having a look at it. Lisa, you may well benefit from it.

As for relationships. I can identify with the difficulties Lisa and  Jane have mentioned, only for me its the other way around. On paper my husband is the reason for our infertility. I can tell you that this is not a good enough reason for me to leave him. I love him and he is absolutely excellent father material. I wouldn't want a child with another man. they wouldn't be good enough because he would be perfect. Heis under immense pressure, probably like you guys but I try to make his life easier and take some pressure off but it is hard. I bet they feel about you as I do about him Don't beat yourselves up. 

Take care of yourselves xxx


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Ladies,

I had my 6 month old nephew to look after yesterday and it made me do alot of thinking. His mother wants me to have him whenever i feel like it, she has told me that she wants me to think of him as my own son, I know what you all must be thinking but shes very young and believes that she is making me feel better. But looking after him for the day, especially after this failed cycle, has concentrated my mind, it wasn't hard to hand him back because like you Sho i want mine and my husbands baby, thats why Ive also decided not to go down the adoption route.

My husband & I love each other and I would rather spend time with him than anybody else but i think a baby, our baby would make us a family, why have i allowed myself to think that we can only be a proper family if we had a child?? Where did that come from??

I think somewhere along this rollercoaster I forgot about us as a couple, sex that was about fun and love turned into something that needed to be done at certain times in order to produce a result, after i lost my tubes it started to become non existant, because we could try all day long & id never get pregnant, i really thought the medical profession was going to give me the baby i wanted.

A member of my family has had lots of problems trying to conceive & now that the journey has come to an end they both have turned to drink, one alot more than the other. Ive looked at her & always though id never be like that but in a way i have, not with alcohol but Ive channelled all my energy into work and ivf. When i really look at us we have lost some of the closeness we used to have so Ive decided to concentrate on us. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it but i really think Ive come to the point were i need to wake up & smell the roses.
I'm married to a man i love, were both healthy, got good jobs, nice house, great friends, Lisa our husbands are right a baby would be a bonus, don't get me wrong I'm still going to complete this ivf journey but if we end up childless we've still got a great life to live!

Jane xxxxxx


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

hi

Jane i think you've summed it up. As women we are programmed to have children and that urge kicks in for every woman (I believe ) at some point. I know some women say they don't want children. Through the generations we have begun to assume we can have everything and I think that included children. Deep down I think i viewed IVF as a sort of Tescos and a baby as a packet of tea bags. I'd go into tescos and come out with tea bags, surely then since I'm using the same money I'll go through IVF and come out with a baby. I think we all deep down assume that and when the negatives start rolling in it becomes very easy to become too focussed on IVF and lose track of whats really important in life.

Jane maybe a few weekends away and a couple of cosy nights in will do the trick. I'm going to try and put some more fun into my sex life and try and enjoy it again. 

I hear what you're saying about losing your tubes and I have know idea what that is like, but I still believe that it is possible to try TOO hard even when you're doing the IVF. A more relaxed and none focussed mind set must be more beneficial than being pent up thinking of nothing else, and lets face it, asking ourselves what the hell is life for if this doesn't work. I know I've asked myself that question and thought that the world will come to an end if there is a negative on test day.

Perspective has got to be the way forward I believe. Are you planning to carry on with another cycle of IVF?


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi girls

I totally agree with you Jane and Sho,  the 1st ivf failure i blamed myself thinking if i had done this it would have worked andthis 2nd ivf i did everything by the book and more, iwas totally obsessive about things and i dont want to be like that anymore, I look at my wedding pictures and think "where did that girl go"  i want to go back to being that girl who didnt know at the time that she would be facing all these years of trying and having sex on a timetable.  

My Mum said the other day to me,  youve got a lovely husband that thinks the world of you and loves you so much a lot of people never experience that,  and i think i've got to hang onto that thought and get back to how we were before we became this obsessive couple who had and air of desperation around them.  And your right girls we have a great life to live now.

Thanks for your words of wisdom girls its made me feel happier to try looking at it from a different persective.

Take care
Lisa xx


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi

Lisa I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Do you think you will carry on with IVF? I don't have  a follow up  appointment for a couple of weeks so plenty of time to think and get myself organised.


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi Sho

I have my follow-up this Friday so waiting to see what our options are but me and DH at the moment are thinking that that last ivf was our last one,  i think the big factor for me is the money and i dont feel confident in it working for us at the moment,  we have 4 frozen ones but they are not the best grades. but you know what its like you go to the clinic and you come out with rose coloured spectacles on again.

What are you planning to do?  What are your options?

Take care
Lisa x


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Like you I have some frozen at Hammersmith, but they aren't as good as the ones we have already used. I think they are all grade 2 and I have a 6, a 5 and the rest are 4's or something like that. I won't be having a fresh cycle again at Hammersmith I don't feel confident in them. My husband is away for the whole of June and July so a natural attempt is not an option then, so I might have a frozen attempt  by myself, but I'm not entirely sure.

I really want to shake off the shackles of infertility and get some semblence of normality back in our lives. I hate being so miserable all the time, not wanting to visit certain friends with children, or even going to the shops because you see so many women with big bumps. It's too hard. I really don't want to feel envy towards someone I don't even know.

It's easy to be sweet talked by during you follow up appointments, and that is something I will be guarding against as well when I go.My appointment isn't til 10 May because one of the consultants has left and the remaining consultants are busy, but I will be asking some pressing questions and want some direct answers.

Good luck with your appointment. Have you thought about what questions to ask and what you want to get out of it? I want to know why I had the same protocol this time when it didn't work the first, and why I didn't get a great amount of eggs this time when I got 18 the first.


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Girls,

First day back at work & it wasnt too bad. A colleague had tested + through ivf the week before i started my 2ww, so it was kind of strange thinking her attempt had worked & mine hadnt.She's worrying about having a m/c as that happened on her 1st attempt, heres me telling her not to worry & to try & enjoy being pregnant, while all i wanted to was stamp my feet & say "I wanna be pregnant, I wanna be pregnant"!!! 
But it was nice that she felt able to talk to me, lots of people try to avoid talking to you in case they upset you.

Sho, ive got one more go on the NHS & they have advised me to leave three months before i start again. I should get an appointment through in about 4wks to discuss what else they may want to try. I did say that if that attempt also doesnt work we'll pay for one more go but thats got to be it.
Ive got lots of questions to ask this time as well


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi girls

Hi Sho - I have a big list of questions for my doctor on Friday, one being the spotting that i had for a week before i got my negative,  plus i want some answers on my pcos and blood clotting problems, this time i was on heparin but it didnt seem to make any difference,  Like you Sho i have 2 grade 2's and 2 grade 3's frozen and want to know realisticlly what the chances are. I also want to know if a monitored cycle could be an option for me.
Still the 10th May will soon fly by.  it is so hard,  everyone i know has got children and thats all they talk about i have no friends that are in the same boat as me and its difficult cos you feel like you don't fit in anywhere - Do you know what i mean?

Sho and Jane have either of you had Frozen cycles just wanted to know what was involved.

Jane - That must have been so hard for you with your colleague.  Thats great to get another go on the NHS.

I shall let you know how i get on on Friday.

Take care
love Lisa x


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi all

i know exactly what yu mean Lisa. I have one really good friend who knows what we're going through and she has got a little one, who is great to be around,  but I find when she is around other mums obviously they talk about their babies and i can't contribute to the conversation, she always feels guilty which she shouldn't, but I do always feel out of place as if i don't fit in anywhere. I think it goes back to what we were saying about childless women feeling as if there is no place for them in society.

I have actually had a frozen cycle before. It is a lot easier than a fresh. Only one type of injection rather than two and the patches are easy to cope with. I didn't get the awful bloating and discomfort with the fresh because your ovaries don't end up the size of melons. Of course statistically your chances are smaller, which is a big minus. At Hammersmith its something like 25%. I will be asking if it is possible to let them defrost and divided again before transfer. Ideally i'd like them to get to blastocyst stage this time. I think 3 day transfer is no good for me. Expect to lose some cells as well. They will transfer any embryos that remain at least 50% of there original size, so for example if you have an 8 cell embryo, it may lose one or two cells during thawing, but as long as it doesn't go down ot 4 cells, they will put it back. 

what exactly is a monitored cycle, I've never heard of this before.

Back to work for me after Easter and I must say I'm a little  bit low today. I've been trying to keep up a positive attitude, but I have to admit some low moments. 

Jane I think you're brave and wise to set a limit on how many attempt you put yourself through. I always said three goes. I suppose technically I have had three goes, but I have ammended that rule to mean three fresh attempts, which means I have one more fresh go left!!! I'm hoping I won't need it. I still believe we as a couple stand more chance naturally.

Hope you're all doing ok

xx


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hope you dont mind, just wanted to say hi to you all, 
i was so convinced that icis was going to work that it was such a shock when it didnt, it didnt help that the hospital kept telling me how they were sure it would work (because of my age 25) i feel like they gave me false hope! we can only afford one more go and this time im not going to be so positive, at least if it doesnt work (again) then i wont be sooooo disappointed. good luck to you all, what ever you do.
lisa.m 
x.x.x


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi everyone

Sho - Thanks for the info on the frozen cycle - sounds quite hit and miss doesnt it - thats the thing with ivf its so up and down and there are no guarantees.
The monitored cycle is where they scan you through the month and check to see when ovulation is, then you have to go and do the business, basically its just to maximise the best chances of hitting the right time.  I must admit that is how i got pregnant last time although unfortunately i had a m/c.
Hope going back to work is not too bad and you a feeling a little better today.

Lisa - Sorry of your BFN,  I was like that on my first one i thought it was going to work and when it didnt i came down like a ton of bricks it is soooooooo hard everyone tells you to be positive but self preservation makes you want to not be so positive just in case it doesnt work.  

Lisa x


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Girls,

Lisa, i didnt have any embies to freeze but my friend has & she said the same as Sho, that its much easier. I think I might ask for a monitored cycle as well, they checked the lining of my womb on the 24th March but didnt do the et until a full week later so how would they know whether the lining was still thick enough?

Sho, Ive always said 3 go's but like you I meant fresh, if i was fortunate to get some to freeze id be delighted!!

DH has the dogs in the car ready to go to the park so i'll post again later!!!!!

Jane


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## hols (Aug 25, 2004)

Hello everyone. I just got a third BFN today and was devastated - then started reading this thread and i wanted to tell you all how much it's helped me. There's lots of wisdom in the above posts, many bits of which I've told myself before but you forget it all when you're deep in the misery of BFN.

I've always said two things:

1. I'd rather be married to my DH without children than have children without him.
2. I'm determined not to let not having children ruin my life.

I've realised that I'd forgotten those two statements as my mind went more and more loopy over the past few weeks. DH and I have become more distant and I started thinking how great my life would be with a baby.

So my resolution is to rebond with DH and to think of all the opportunities in life available to me without children. And to cry a lot into a glass of ice cold white wine.

Good spirits to all of you. We can still have great lives without babies (perhaps even better - a recent article I read said that childless couples tend to be happier and stay together longer than those with children!!)

Holly xxx


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Hi girls

I had my follow-up with my clinic and they are now recommending IUI for me,  every other month,  the first month it will be without drugs (clomid) to see whats happening naturally and after ovulation i will have the heparin,  also he prescibed me Metformin for the pcos, so i feel a lot better now talking to the doctor.

He said that IVF is not the right path for me now as i havent got a problem with tubes, sperm etc it is literally the implantation that is causing the problem so there going to focus more on that.  Plus it will not cost me as much so i can have a few goes.

Hi Hols - Sorry about your BFN it sucks doesnt it,  Glad reading these posts have made you feel better you do have to keep a check on yourself when your mind starts wandering and wishing to have a baby but its true i would rather be married to DH without children than have children and not him.  Are you going to have any more treatment?

Hi Sho/jane - Hope your all doing well and having a good weekend

love Lisa x


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Girls 

Just had a appointment date for the 15th May to discuss where to go next. Ive been reading loads on this site & other women seem so much more clued up than me, Ive jotted loads of things down so i can ask.

Lisa fingers crossed for the next coming months.

Hi Holly, sorry about your BFN. Your right that it really is easy to lose whats important when your emotions are all over the place and you start to daydream about what your life would be like with a baby. I pictured myself telling people i was pregnant & imagined their reactions (all wonderfull & emotional!!), rubbing my belly during the bl**y 2ww & then "BANG" BFN & back down to earth. My resolution was exactly the same as yours & also to start living the life I have now & not the one in my imagination.  

Hugs Jane xxxxxx


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Good Evening Ladies

Sorry I havent posted lately but I have been doing some soul searching!!  I guess I am feeling a bit better, I am definately going to look into adoption and I have booked treatment for October, although not entirely sure I will go through with it as after 4xcyles and Ixfrozen I am not convinced IVF is going to work for me.

I have been reading all your postings and keeping up to date with everyone's plans.

TC
Lynn xx


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## CathE (Mar 11, 2005)

Hi can I join in as well?
I've been looking at the title of this thread and hoped I wouldn't have to click onto it- but here I am! I had a bfn yesterday but I spotting at day 6 and full af on Saturday. So devastated yesterday but feel a little better now I only have to wait one more af before fet.
I know what you mean Jane about visualising your pregnancy- I was having a new years day baby and giving both sets of parents their first grandchild. I'd gotten pg naturally(miscarried) before so was really convinced this was going to work.
Your right Holly about your 2 statements but I feel so guilty for dh as I so want him to have kids.
I have heard that you can't have attempts at ivf when you are applying for adoption. Does anyone know if this is true? I wouldn't mind applying now but I'd want to have 2 more full cycles of ivf first.
Take care
Love Cath xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Cath

So sorry about your BFN hun ((((hugs))) just to answer your question re adoption, sorry to say i have not heard of any agency allowing people to proceed with adoption until they are finished having tx for at least 6 months. i think this is due to the costs of putting you through the asssesment and if you get a bfp you couldn't adopt until your baby was older (i think) that is what we were told by our social worker anyway

pam xx


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hello i'd like to post on here after secone BFN on friday.

Limbo is definitiely how i feel....last time i felt a real sense of loss and grief. Its not like that this time and part of me is sooooooooooo bored with the whole damn thing i get annoyed with myself for felling upset!

We are back on the waiting list straight away..........d'you know i really think i just can't believe this is happening to us i can't believe that one day we won't have our baby but i know that's a real possibility i may have to face. And DH is such a great guy it would be such a shame there wasn't a bit of him left to carry on, the world coudl do with a few nore like him.

Sorry to rant...but i guess if i can't do it here then where can i do it?
HHH


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

hi girls

I'm now on the Metformin to see if that helps and just waiting to get started again.

HHH - Sorry about your BFN it is soooooooo tough isnt it,  You rant all you want mate.  I feel better now that i am planning again but must admit to be bored with it taking over every waking moment, thinking about it all the time and have made a decision to try my hardest not to keep wishing for it all the time.  Are you having more IVF?

Cath- I looked into adoption and my LA said all fertility treatment should be finished when you start the adoption process.

Hi to everyone else hope your all doing ok.

Lisa x


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## Dobby (Oct 23, 2005)

Hi Girls

I just wanted to say that I am having a really, really bad day but reading through all your posts helped masses.  I had a definite BFN on Monday, thought I was going to... AF sort of made an appearance Saturday afternoon.

Strange isn't it... I didn't feel any where near so bad after my 2 IUIs were BFNs... and I knew there was only 25% of this cycle being successful.. But just the fact I actually saw embryos, all 3 of them has made me feel a real sense of grief over this cycle.

Honestly, if I cry any more I will have to buy shares in Kleenex!!!

Best wishes to you all... 

Dobby


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## MrsBuzby (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi Dobby

I'm new to this so I'm sorry if my reply is dull but just wanted to say we're with you.  I know how you feel and it's grim.  The feeling will pass and you'll find the strength to start again next month.  Get it all out now girl!  If it only took hope and willpower we'd all be sporting massive bumps now but nevertheless, I'm hoping and willing it for you and for me and all the other people here who are going through this hideous time! 

Moom

xxxxxx


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Dobby

Sorry  about your BFN it sucks doesnt it!!! I think it does make a difference actually seeing the embys and i know exactly how you feel.  
Just try and get through each day one day at a time and you will soon feel stronger.

Sending you big hugs!!!
love Lisa x


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## SpookedOut (Mar 18, 2005)

HI girls, 

I got a BFN the day before yesterday and I'm struggling to take the news in. I feel as if I'm in a dream world, that this isn't actually happening to me. I also feel that I'm getting lost and destroyed by all of this. I can't move on and I can't do the things that I normally do. My life feels as if it's totally on hold. I want to get off the bus but can't! help!

SpookedOut


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Spooked out...don't put any more pressure on yourself......it's too soon to be thinking about moving on and getting vak to normal. I believe the strong thing to do is say ...hey, i'm having a tough time, life will be normal soon but not now iI've got things to deal with.
I had counselling after my first BFN and that made me realise that this is a big big deal, there are all sorts of emotions - let alone drugs!! to deal with.
Please Please give yourself the time, space and allow yourself to deal with this. When you've done this then you can start to think about jumping on or back off the bus!!

Please IM me if you think it would help......


And Dobby yes i thing seeing the embies makes a big difference. Last time when i saw them that was an image that haunted me. This time i chose not to....and am glas i made that decision

positive thoughts to everyone
HHH


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## skye (Apr 6, 2004)

hi everyone, i got my second bfn on 22nd april, i got used to posting in 2ww or cycle buddies dunno where to go now!!!
i was devastated, i really thought it worked this time  . i suppose im kind of lucky as i will get another go but have to wait 3 months. do you know how that works do you get tx on 3rd month or after 3 months?? really hope it works this time as its my 3rd and deffo final time. Im sick of af showing up every month as if to stick 2 fingers up at me so ive decided im going to get steralized after tx if it fails, that way my baby making chances are guaranteed not to work and we wont have the torture of af checking every month   , sounds extreme i know but at least if i know i cant ever have kids i can get on and deal with it but these maybe's every month are torture.


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## Jane-K (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi Everyone 

I havnt posted for a while, ive been trying to get my head sorted out, if thats possible!!

I had my BFN on the 14th April & I wanted to give myself some space from from constantly thinking about getting pregnant & that included not visiting FF's but its the 1st May & im back on the treadmill again.
Treadmill sounds awful but i think thats what it is, ive bought some vits from the Zita West website, stopped drinking (had a lovely 2wks before stopping), increased my water, fruit & veg intake...blah blah blah
Dont see what else I can do.

Hi Skye, we were on the same 2ww, im really sorry to hear your news, life sucks at the minute hey?
I was told that my periods should return to normal in 1-2 periods but to leave 3 periods before I start again, so if i include Aprils im due to phone on the 1st day of my July period.

Jane xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## skye (Apr 6, 2004)

HI JANE I JUST CALLED THE CLINIC TO SEE WHEN I START TX AGAIN, IT WILL BE JUNE!!!!!!
APARENTLY YOU COUNT YOUR FIRST AF AND YOU CAN START ON THE 3RD AF SO ITS NOT REALLY 3 MONTHS YOU START TX ON OR AFTER YOUR 3RD AF.XXXXXXXX


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hi all
do any of you get tired with 'just getting on with it' and climbing onto the positive attitude bandwagon?
My Dh is such a positive person and i see people all round me with so many different problems 'getting on with life' but all i want to do is mooch round the house and then curl up ina ball!

I'm not crying, i'm just unmotivated and tired.

It would be great to know somebody else felt like this!! or maybe i just have toaccept i'm a miserable whatsit!

Thanks HHH


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

HHH

You are not alone mate,  i catch myself putting on an act all the time when all i feel like doing is giving up because i feel like with all the negatives and stuff i can't see myself ever getting what i want and i feel like why am i bothering if you know what i mean??

I dont know maybe i'm just tired after trying for nearly 6 years it feels like all my energy has gone into trying to get pregnant and i'm tired from it.

Lisa x


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## Nicole P (Mar 10, 2006)

Well we got our first BFN on Monday 1st May (I think a day I will never forget) My AF came today and it just upset again!  Why is it so unfair? My mum who lives in Australia wrote me a beautiful email today I just cry again.  But I have thrown myself back into work!  What else can one do?? 

I went to look at a new school today, as I am going to apply for a Assisstant Head post and I saw someone who was pregnant and then in the conversation with the head she said there was 6 more on maternity leave!  GREAT ! Lets hope I get the job as it seems to be in the water   .

Well I am glad I found this thread!


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Thanks for the reply Lisa....i understand that feeling of no being bothered!

Nicole- you brave soul you! - as assistant head post...good luck.........

Maybe i just do need to get on and organise stugg....its just not what i want to be doing!

hugs to all#HHH


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## Gailp (Apr 10, 2005)

Hi

Hope you don't mind if I join you. I had a BFN today. Im gutted. I have had 3 IUI's quite a few years ago and IVF in August 2005 ended in severe OHSS before I got to ET ended up with a total freeze and a stay in hospital. Had -ive FET in November and now after the last FET we only have one frostie left.

Life just seems so unfair, there is a story on the news today about a 62 year old woman that is 7 months pregnant after IVF, how come she can manage it   Not that I want a baby at 62 but im 25 years younger than her.

We have a follow up appointment on the 22nd May to see what the next step is, im sure it will be a fresh cycle. Feeling very raw and empty today and cant stop crying however I know that time stops the tears.

xx


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## reikilisa (Jun 14, 2005)

Gail - Sorry about your BFP is sooooooooo gutting isn't it - big hug to you.  I know what you mean about the 62 year old!!!!! it does make you think doesnt it, how can a woman of that age manage it    

I have 4 frozen but not great quality but my consultant is saying to save them and go back to IUI now they know that it is implantation that is the problem so i am pleased i dont have to go through ivf again at this point.  Good luck with your appointment on the 22nd


Nicole - Sorry about your BFN too, Job sounds great especially with all the pgs lets hope its catching for you hope you get it.


Lisa x


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## rach** (Apr 21, 2006)

hi hope you don't mind me joining in we too have just had a -ve fet did hpt on monday so been prepared for it so its not hit me too hard i know what you mean about that 62 year old women it does make you think how come its worked for here and not for us young ones .
this was my 3rd go 1st at fet but sadly got no more embies left i did have 5 but only managed to get 2 out of that for transfer so we,ve booked a review for the 1st of june and when we have the funds we will have another go maybe aug/sept not looking forward to a fresh go as i was so poorly the first 2 times.
sorry for you all with your -ve but we will all get a +ve one day (hopefully not when we're 62) 
take care
rach
xxxx


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## twinks (May 24, 2006)

Hi Everyone,

I am so glad I have found this area on the site.    I did my test last Sunday (4th June) and got a BFN  .  It was like I fell out of the window and hit the ground.  For two months of sniffing, needles and 'being careful' (oh and along with shelling out £3000+) at the end of it you have nothing!!  I tried to remain happy and smiling but deep down I am cut up.   My trip around the local supermarket seems to reveal every pregnant person in the local area being down each aisle and I can't even relax in the garden because the 18m old kid next door is teething and every now and then seems to resemble an air raid siren going off.

I know I am a little sensitive but someone has got to give us all a break!!  My hubby is very down in the dumps about it all.  He so wants a child and I feel such a let down to him.  Work have been great.  I cheated and sent them all an email to say I had failed and they were all very supportive - I am glad they all knew!

Well, the hospital have told me that we are all extra fertile at the minute and as mine is and unexplained infertility (apart from PCOS) I should keep trying naturally and if all else fails come back in September to try again (along with another £3000+).

Keep your chin up girls!!
xx

ps, If anyone has any info on how to go about adoption I would be very interested.


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## Bronte (Jun 20, 2005)

Hello,

Thought i join as i have just had my 4th BFN on Thursday. Feeling a bit numb as the mo and just want to get on and try again.

Twinks - I so understand about all the drugs, scans, and being careful to then be left with a great hole because there isnt anything to show for it.

We are trying some time in August i hope and will be shelling out another £ 3,000.

Love Bronte xxxx


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## Catspyjamas (Sep 26, 2005)

Hello everyone

No offence meant, but this is the last place I thought I'd be posting!  Sorry to meet you all under these circumstances.  Bronte, I remember you from the IUI boards, we went through our three failed IUIs at the same time, and here we are again   .

Today is my official test day, I had to go ahead with the test - BFN of course - even though AF started on day 11 post ET.  I'd actually started spotting on day 8 and stupidly allowed myself to believe that it was implantation bleeding so full AF was horrific for me.

I'm still very down and depressed about the whole thing.  The last few days I find myself bursting into tears at the slightest thing and have had to pull my car off the road to weep on a few occasions.  Its just so sad.  I stupidly entered my dates into an IVF due date calculator and my longed-for baby would've been due on 14th February.  Some Valentines Day next year is going to be.

I know we'll try again, I know I can go through the meds and injections but I'm not so sure I can cope with another negative result.  Will have to make myself big and strong.  In the meantime, I going to concentrate on loosing the weight I put on when stimming and gorging myself on protein and rebuild a sex-life with my DH.  Its hard to be spontaneous when you're counting days etc and I completely went off the boil when down-regging.  I can't remember the last time we had sex, never mind BMS so that's a priority.  I've been terrified that he'll leave me now that we know my body failed us during this stupid IVF but he told me he married me at a time when neither of us were particularly eager to have kids and he'll stick with me whether it happens or not.  He's very sure that our time just hasn't come yet, I hope he's right.  

Hopefully we can all be of some support to each other as we try to come to terms with this, and decide where we go next.  Good luck to you all xx


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## pampi (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi girls, finding it difficult to even write BFN AGAIN, feel as though its a bad dream.
Its my 4th bfn ivf, have unexplained infertility and have grade A embroys every time. This cycle had steriods and clexane, really thought it would help as im desperatly looking for answers. Im totally devastated and do not know where to go from here. I hate feeling as desperate as i do, but reading everyone s posts i know im not alone.        pampi x x xx


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

POsitive thoughts and hugs to twinks, Bronte, catspjs, and pampi.......hold on in there girls.........


Twinks- dh and i have bben part of the way through the adoption process. The first thing to do ins contact your local authority, they will have an adoption and fostering team. They won't begin to preocess your application if you are stil having fertility tratment adn with our LA we had to wait 6 mnths after our treatment to begin the training. Hope this is helpful;


HHH


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## yorkie2006 (May 11, 2006)

Hi to everyone, I got BFN 4 days ago but it seems much longer, it was our 1st ICSI due to male factor.  Right from the start i new what the statistics were and knew i was probably heading for disappointment but when the cycle seemed to go so well, all our family and friends were so positive that it was going to work and somehow i think we got convinced that it might of actually worked.  

Twinks, like you I just seem to see pregnant women everywhere, I think it is more noticeable in this warm weather when people aren't covered up as much.

But like my mother pointed out to me (never been good with sympathy) there will of been so many other people in the world that will of received much worse news this week and we have each other and our health.


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

hi girls - didn't want to start a new thread so jumped on this one 
i have jus had my 4th BFN - did a HPT on weds and blood test yesyerday to confirm it 
i am so so upset i think i must have cried a million tears - ive cried at home, in bed, in the car, in the toilets at work, in the garden everywhere and anywhere really and i cant seem to control, it 
normally i can pick myself up but this one has really knocked me - i have got frosties but i just think after 4 BFN's and no answers - can i really go thru another 2ww or another bitter disappointment - and i am so fed up with people telling me not to let it 'make me bitter' , 'move on', ''start living again' - well if they'd tell me HOW then id bl77dy well try wouldn't i ? - god knows ive tried everythin else 
im taking herbal sleeping pills and valium to help me sleep - (dh doesn't know) 
if i could just wake up and this would have all gone away 
casey


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## dukester (May 11, 2006)

Hi everybody , thanks to all that have written on here , it helps reading the posts. This was my first IVF cycle and I was on the gonfal f 375 and did not respond as a result the cycle was abandoned. My husband had a vasectomy years ago (this is a 2nd Marriage ) and the reversal failed. He had a Pesa in January and they managed to retrieve enough sperm for 4 IVF attempts. When I went to the clinic this morning there was only 2 follicles of reasonable size but not enough to go to EC. Due to having a high FSH and age 39 the clinic is not hopeful at all in terms of doing another IVF cycle. They said they would not put up the stimm injection and there really is no such thing as a "bad cycle" I could try again in September but may only produce another 2 follicles. They have suggested egg donor and I could go to Spain where there is no waiting list and greatly improve my chances of pregnancy. 

I never thought I would have such a bleak outcome and I am finding it difficult to get my head around this. 
I am in limbo and don't know what is the best decision to make. The drugs made me feel awful and yes I am tempted to try Spain now , in half an hour I will feel different again and will want to try another cycle. 

We have spent thousands and thousands just to get to this point and the money pot is starting to look bare. 

Does anyone know about egg donation ? How long would I have to wait from just abandoning an Ivf cycle ?

Thankyou to all those who have read this message , it is isolating for me as I don't know anyone who has gone through this type of experience , thank god for FF. 

Good Luck to you all 

Dukester.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Casey & Dukester sending you both big ^cuddle^ ^cuddle^ 

pam xx


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

dukester - sorry you are feeling so bad right now - its a bloody hard journey we are on - but i hope you get the answers you need soon to help you make some decisions
why dont you post these questions on the egg donation and abroadies thread - someone there will be sure to point you in the right direction
i have had donor egg ivf twice in spain - both BFN but overall i was very well cared for and the success rates are higher 
good luck 
caseyxx


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## ♥ Sarah ♥ (Jan 5, 2005)

Hi guys,

Would it be OK if i joined you??

Had our second negative with ICSI 6 weeks ago and to be honest it's been horrendous coming to terms with the fact that this IVF lark isn't working for us  .

Looking forward to getting to know you all  .

Love Sarah
x x


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## nikkij (Jan 31, 2006)

Hi there

I started to bleed c/d 11 of 2w/w through IVF, our first go. To say were devastated is an understatement. I just felt everything was going so well, I took time off work prior to e/c due to job being very stressful (I work with violent and aggressive teenage girls in a children's home). After e/t I had complete bed rest for 5 days and for the following days took it very easy. To make it worse d/p ended up going out with his pals the night it started - theres no mobile signal in our local town so couldn't get hold of him to get him to come home. Also live 4oo miles away from family and friends so had no one I could call to come round.

I prayed and prayed it was just implantation bleeding.... who was I trying to fool! Any way a/f is here in full flow and I feel so desperately down. Today should have been the day I would have done the test (day 14). I just didn't expect to be knocked off my feet by the negative result as badly as I have.

D/p has been fantastic, I think he feels guilty for going out but hey he doesn't go out that often it's just a nightmare it started when he was out on the pop.  I also feel bad that it took over 2 days to speak to my mum or sister- I just couldn't hold a sentence together with out crying.

Any way I have to stop whinging and start to be more positive. We our going to go for treatment again. We can afford one more go then we have no more money left. So fingers and every thing else crossed.

Sorry for moaning and appearing to wallow in self pity but I actually feel better now for getting this off my chest.

thank you

Nikki


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## ♥ Sarah ♥ (Jan 5, 2005)

Hi Nicki,

Just reading your post has brought it all back hun  .

Sending you luv and strength to get through this hard time.

Sarah
x


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## Clare H (Jan 17, 2006)

Hi Guys
I got a negative result last Monday, AF arrived on the Sunday night, so i knew it was a BFN
Worst weekend of my life!
Had to put my beloved dog to sleep on that day too, and spent the whole of Sunday & Monday crying.
Finding it hard to keep optimistic.

Clare x x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Claire i'm so sorry hun  just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you

pam xx


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## jules32_uk (Jun 7, 2006)

Hi Everyone

I am finding things very hard right now.  I tested positive last Thursday, Friday the line got stronger and on Saturday the digital PREGNANT result came up in 20 secs, so I started to get excited.  My Mum came round on Sunday and I wanted to show her, I had one left so I went and did it and BANG - it said NOT PREGNANT!  I couldn't believe it!!!!!  My D/H rushed out to buy some more an they were all negative, so my dream was shortlived.  Tested again on Monday - again negative.  I am so upset and feel so empty inside.  Why couldn't it have just been negative, I was prepared for that.  Its amazing how much you can dream about in a few days.  

The annoying thing is, I still have the veiny boobs!  I haven't come on yet either which is the closure I need for this I think.  Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I have 2 frosties left but I'm not feeling that optimistic about them just now.  Does anyone know how long I would have to wait before I could start this?

Jules x


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## SineadC (Jun 12, 2006)

Hi Jules,

I have been told that we hve to wait until the third bleed before we can start FET.

I would check with your clinic though as some women have posted that they have been allowed to start straight away.

SOrry to hear about your negative and in such a cruel way!  We have had our 1st negative with IVF today.  Friday is our test day but I am in full AF flow and a negative test.

This is not the end for us though and we need to stay strong - as they say "If you not in - you can't win!"

I'm doing my best to be positive although I feel like cr*p..

Sinead


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## Lizz (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi 

I just had 3rd ICSI BFN and feel gutted. We were only given a 5-10% chance of success from the beginning due to my eggs being poor quality but it looks like the last chance using my own eggs is over. AF arrived in full force today and I am not due to test until tomorrow but it has been the same for all 3 cycles so I am on the red wine already (haven't had a drink for 4 months so apologize for any spelling mistakes as I type).

Anyone else considering the donor egg route I wou;d be interested to hear from you

Good luck to you all 
Liz xxx


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