# Can't cope anymore



## Gypsy (May 1, 2007)

We lost a child in 2004 and have not been able to conceive since.  I have PCOS and my partner has a very poor sperm count and quality due to his job. I've had two ops to remove cysts and scar tissue and the next step is IVF.  We probably won't be able to afford IVF as my partner has two children already.

It's so unfair that you meet someone you love and can't share the gift of a baby with them.  All my plans for the future are up in the air.  One day he'll become a grandparent with his ex but I'll never have that joy, or when they get married I won't be the proud parent.  And to top it off my partner got drunk at Christmas and kissed another woman.  He was distraught about it and said he was too drunk etc, but it's another kick in the teeth.

I look at my stepchildren who I love, but feel resentment that they aren't mine.  Me and my partner have been through so much but I think we're coming to the end.

Can anyone give any advice - thank you x


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

im so sorry for your loss and what you going through at the moment,im in same boat with stepkids,my hubby has 3 sons who live with there mum,we will prob never see any grandkids as she has turned them against us,do your husbands kids live with you?because if they dont u may be entitled to one free go at ivf,if u 39 or under,i am getting one attempt although we were turned down because of my hubby having kids,so we appealed and won the appeal,good luck to you


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Gypsy,

I am so sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now.

I would guess that your husband is finding it tough to find he cannot have children with you. Try not to feel jealous of his previous life, that was all before he met you. Concentrate on the fact that he has chosen to be with you now. You may find that what holds you together is not dependant on becoming parents, but something very precious that will last beyond the time when you hoped that would happen. It may be that his drunken kissing came about because he wonders if you love him for himself, and not only as a prospective father? Not to excuse him at all, but I say this as there was a time when I was so full of grief at infertility that my DH asked "aren't I enough for you?" At the time my answer was probably "No" and we nearly lost one another. Luckily we learnt that our love was about more than becoming parents. I hope yours is too, even if you do end up having children together!

If his children by a previous partner do indeed make him a grandparent, you may find that the grandchildren love you as much or more than their biological grandparents - they will not distinguish between all the grandpeople who show them love!

I hope you will find a way to get through this together. We are here on FF when you need us.

LOL

Jq xxx


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## Gypsy (May 1, 2007)

Thank you ladies for your kind words

lilacbunnykins - I'm sorry for what's happened with your husband's children, that must be awful.  We see his children every two weeks and take them on holiday.  I am very close to them and I know I'm very lucky to have that as some children don't get on with their stepparents. They are lovely children.  I am 32 and my hubby is 39 (40 this year).  I really hope your IVF is successful for you.  I wish you lots and lots of luck x

Jq - you are absolutely right with everything you have said.  We have been under so much stress for years with one thing and another, I'm surprised we have stayed together. Each month it's been about trying and the spontaneity has gone out of our life. I think at some point he felt like a sperm donor and that was down to me and the situation. I'm just scared of going through IVF (if we are able to) and it not working. I do feel we have a strong bond that we get us through things, I just hope that get to be parents one day.
Thanks again Jq for your wise words xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Good luck Gypsy!

Try not to be scared if you get a go at IVF. It is tough, but with a strong bond you will get through it together, and whatever the result you will know that going through it was an act of trust in your relationship.

Let us all know how you are.

LOL 

Jq xxx


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