# NEW TO THE BOARD AND THINKING OF ADOPTING FROM ABROAD?



## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hello Everyone,


Not sure where to start to be honest.  I have been on FF for a number of years but was previously on the Czech Reprofit board having undergone donor IVF - last time was 2010, but unfortunately although things went well to start I lost the twins at 3 months approx after seeing heart beats


I then found out via a consultant (Dr Gorgy) in London that I have a condition which needs treating but since then  have not been able to go and find out what/if anything can be done to help me stop losing babies due to being in and out of work. I did start to look at adoption at the time,  in particular from abroad, but not against the UK, but felt it too soon to be honest after losing twins.


Anyway to cut a long story short, I do still have 2 embies left from Brno (from the group which were successful so hopefully the same), but unless I win the lottery I won't be able to return. Currently looking for a permanent p/t or f/t job, but thought I would enquire about adoption whilst my mind is on it and being positive right now i think I am ready.


I know it is going to cost from past research, but it's been a while since I looked into it.  Has anybody gone down this route who could provide me advice, European adoption would be good but would consider other countries. Also I am worried age is against me now, although I know some countries still let you adopt beyond 40 - I will be 50 next year    worse luck but am certainly not past my prime, very much young at heart, fit and definitely have the ability and skills as well as the all important love needed for a child!!!!!!!


If anybody can help I would be very grateful


Thanks
Kathy (aka OlgaKorbut)
xxx


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## Autumn Jade (Aug 29, 2010)

Hi Olgakorbut, 

I'm afraid I don't have any experience of adopting from abroad, but we did look into it briefly and my understanding was that you had to get approved here first then meet that countries requirements too. Your Local Authority won't do your Home Study as they'll be looking for families for their children so I'd say you need an agency, ideally one that specialises in OS adoptions 

However, I would also add that not only will a good agency want to see that you've closed the door on having birth children, but I'd also say for your own benefit, think really carefully about which path you want to follow because, hoo boy, the adoption one isn't without it's heartbreaks too! You really will want to commit fully to your new child who, even if you adopt from abroad, will likely need parenting in a different way than a BC. Countries that have an adoption agreement for their babies to be taken overseas are clearly struggling to find domestic families which, and this certainly seems to be the case in what I've read about Americans adopting from OS (which is a lot more common there than it is here), often indicates that the infants are not really nurtured effectively / individually and will have attachment & possibly undisclosed medical histories. Even newborns recognize their mother tongue so if you are considering it I'd bear that in mind?? 

Anyway, good luck with it all- from your post you still seem to be thinking about your own BC- I'd say give yourself time to grieve that loss if you don't follow that path, then decide x x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thanks Autumn Jade for coming back to me - yes it is indeed a difficult option also, I did alot of research after losing the twins, but didnt save it - more fool me!  Couldnt face it at the time. I know you have to get checked out here and abroad and it could take time, which age could be against me.


I am happy to consider either option, need to find out how much treatment would cost for the embies/chances of it working/if I can get anything done at all, the lack of finances is stopping that one big time!


I would be happy to adopt, I am a marketing manager by job and worked in the social care field, including fostering and adoption, and know it is a lengthy process.  Need to look into things again and get some information I think and perhaps talk to somebody about it in more detail, post interviews and securing a new job, or if I do get a new job see somebody before I start so I don't interrupt a new role!


gosh so much to think about isn't there!!!!!


I appreciate our response really kind of you, but people on these boards have always been fab!!!


Kathy xxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Kathy,
  for your loss, I remember you from the Czech boards
I just wanted to say that I looked into overseas adoption when I thought I was not going to succeed with DE and it is very expensive, at least as expensive as fertility treatment if not more. You have to pay your LA or adoption agency for the home study process which I seem to recall is several thousand pounds and then each country has its own fees which can be very high. I don't want to come on as the voice of doom and gloom but just wanted to prepare you for the fact that you may find the costs of overseas adoption prohibitive   
No cost to adopt in the UK though of course - but I'm not sure about age limits 
Wishing you the very best of luck whatever you decide
Suitcase
x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thanks S of D's, yes I remember you well!!! I thought that may be the case so it looks like I may have to look into the UK and possibly when and if I can find the money, to go back to Dr Gorgy to see what treatment is, if poss, and how much, but have other more pressing financial stuff at the moment.


I have heard that age is not so much an issue now, but it still takes a long time to adopt, wish I had started to look into it sooner to be honest or stuck with it last time, but my feeling was that it was not right then!


Lovely to hear from you!!


If anybody else has any info on adopting abroad or UK as well that would be fab!


Kathy xxx


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hi we looked in to adopting abroad and it looked to cost between £30000 and £40000. It is over years but it's a lot of money. Our la would not consider us unless we assured them we would be doing no more fertility treatment and in fact we have to go back on contraception. 

I'd take some time and see if your ready to give up on ivf. It's such a big decision! Xxxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Sparkle (what a lovely name!)


Thanks for responding, really kind of you. I think to be honest you have just answered my question as we have already spent around £20K on IVF and currently with me not working that amount would have to mean a lottery win!    Not much chance of that one!


At least for now Brno, where I was going are keeping my embies frozen for me so very little cost to go back for them, it's the cost of treatment (again out of the equation until I get a job and save up/win the lottery/have a windfall) as it is very costly, which is the difficult bit, but as I had looked at adoption before I thought I would consider that too. May still look into the UK though age could go against us and it is a long haul!


Will have to rely on lady luck and what is meant to be is meant to be, not giving up hope yet!!!


Thank you again
Kathy xxxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

PS Sparkle, let me know how the adoption process is going for you, I see you started it in June, do PM if you prefer!


Kathy x


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## Lindybird17 (May 22, 2012)

Hi Sparkle

I was just wondering how the 30-40K for adopting abroad broke down? I have been looking into it a bit and know that you have to pay about 7k for the home study, and you also have to pay for the prep course, medicals etc but wasn't sure what other costs were involved? 

Thanks


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

I would be interested to know too if that is ok Sparkle, though think I would have to rob a bank first, lol xx


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hi I read some books that people had written after they did it. You can get them on amazon. It's the legal fees both here and abroad they can be as much as 20000!!!! One lady said just having the paper work teanslated cost £1000. Then you've got the travel and accommodation as you need to be in the country your adopting from for key dates and length of time. I'm no expert but everything we read agreed with this and was enough to put us off. Plus do far we've found adopting in this country possitive so far. 

I can't remember the books names but there was a good one written by a lady who adopted from Russia. And there's a woman that adopted her son from abroad that runs a website and blog. We didn't start down that path so I don't know myself. They also said it took years. It just wasn't for us but hundreds of people a year do it so it's obviously quite possible to do.

Xxxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Sparkle


Thanks for the message, nice of you to send it through to me. I think in hindsight that it is a big no no, there's no way that we could get that sort of money together.  What I might do is look into it in the UK, get the initial info from the L.A's I am allowed to access - I looked at Cov where I used to work and they don't allow me to go through them for some reason although our village is in North Warks, as our county is classed as Staffs, very complicated!


So I think that will be the next move and also getting a job so that I can go back down to London to see at least what type of treatment I may/may not be able to have.


If you have anything you think would be good for me to know from your adoption process or think could send me, that would be fab!!!!


thanks again so much,
Kathy xx


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hiya, I didn't want to be the voice of doom and gloom. Someone might come along that's adopted from abroad and say its not as bad as the literature seems to say it is. 

We are right at the begining of our adoption process but it's been really positive so far. We did have to wait a year after ivf before they'd accept us and our doctor had to say that we'd not had any fertility apountments in that time. It's so hard to give up on ttc. I cried and cried but I feel much better now and excited about the next step. They wanted us to have friends and family arround us for support and I'm lucky I have both my dh familly and mine near by. They just want to know you'll be ok with a new child with lots of emotional needs. I'm still waiting to hear our date for the prep course and I hear that's hard. 

Good luck with your job hunt xxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

No don't worry about thinking you are giving doom and gloom, I know that adoptions from abroad are positive and people happy I am sure, it's just the monetary thing with me.


At least if things were ok, age and everything we would not have to wait the year as it is over two years now, so on that front all is well, but they may pick up on finances. I will make that step and enquire and it's nice to hear how you are doing on your journey.  At the end of the day it does not matter if they are yours biologically, you are the parents bringing them up and they need a home and somebody to cherish them, and that is what is important.  I can see that you will be great parents already!!    


Do PM me if you ever want to chat and likewise
Kathy xxxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

As others will know we adopted from abroad, it is true that some countries have absolute age limits and for some they are relative (i.e. you must not be older than X years older than child).  The UK does not have any age limits, though you'd need to look around to find an LA or VA that would take you if older, however you can go with any LA or VA within about an hour's travel (people on here have said 50 miles, but we found that those around that distance were not that interested in us because they thought it was too far - it's only just an hour).

If you do decide to adopt from abroad there is a Yahoo list UK Adoption Abroad that can help you decide what country etc.  In some areas, your LA would approve you (and you pay them for the home study) and in other areas, like ours, they get a VA to do this and you pay the VA.  The figures people are quoting are correct unfortunately - adoption from overseas is pretty expensive - after the UK home study you now have DfE fees, paperwork fees (which vary by country - if you need translation that really bumps them up), then the fees for the SW and agency abroad, and in some cases medical etc. expenses, plus your own travel - some countries you go over a couple of times - we just went to meet our baby and then when he got his visa we brought him home.

I actually have no idea how much it cost us but of course as adoption is a lifelong thing we have to include the cost of taking him back to see birth country/family throughout his life but all of the costs are of course for his welfare, ultimately, so we think it is worth it.


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thank you the spouses for providing this information, it is really useful, it is good to see that these boards are still as good as ever when I was on others, people are so friendly and helpful.


I am going to contact the LA's around my area (I used to work at the Coventry Social Care Dept, and one of the areas was Children/Young People, so am hoping that some former colleagues are still there. But I will try other areas like you see and see what they say, at least if I have some up front information that is something isn't it, though time is of the essence and I know that it is not a speedy process, so not sure whether I would hit the 50 before we get very far 


Thank you so much, it is so interesting to hear people's stories and advise, I do think however, though disappointing, that going abroad is not going to be an option unless we win the lottery, which I would love to have done, but will take a look on the Yahoo listing to see what it says!!!


Kathy xx


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