# in need of support and advice!



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies i really needed to rant. Ive got a 6 year old my partners bought him up from a baby. I have no tubes due to ectopic and hydro. Anyway my partners brother and his gf had their baby last night and my partner got a funny text from his mum telling him babys born and we havnt seen her today. Anyway ive just spent half an hour in the bathroom in tears without my partner knowing cause i feel so bad that i cant give him a child and i swear his mum blames me to. Ive told my partner to see his niece ect but its goin kill me seen him hold her and i dont know if i can face them but at the same time i dont want them think im been selfish. I dont want this come between me and my partner or him and his family. Ive just got so many mixed emotions right now like what if he holds baby and realises he wants that so much and i cant give it to him without shelling out thousends. Hes fantastic with my son and says he wants us and if he had to pick between a baby and us hed pick us but i cant stop my feelings. Ive even thought of leaving him just so he can go and be happy and have a family with someone eles. How do i act in this situation? How do i make them realise im not been selfish? X


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Tinkerbell, it's such a hard situation you find yourself in.  I don't think I can offer you any good advice as my way of coping was to shut myself away from any situations I felt uncomfortable in and I don't think that this is necessarily a healthy way to cope with it.  

I think it is important, however to speak to your partner truthfully and tell him your worries.  Don't make assumptions or put on him how you would feel in his position, really listen to what he is telling you which is that he wants to be with you and your son, baby or not.  Otherwise, this'll just eat you up.  I know it's easier said than done but you're doing yourself no favours emotionally.


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## atoz (Aug 25, 2013)

Dear Tinkerbell
I read your post just now and your other one explaining what your partner's mum had said about her other son's girlfriend. I am so sorry that she was so insensitive. It is very hard to deal with such a situation.
Some time has passed since that post and I do hope things seem a bit better now.
Your partner sounds great and very supportive.
I would suggest you talk to him about how you feel.
A similar thing happened to me, the mother-in-law, who helped out with childcare while going through multiple IVFs (secondary infertility) made a comment that really upset me. I was the only one in the room, it was directed at me and "my failing" to have a second. I couldn't believe my ears! Thankfully I just bit my Tongue and ignored it. After I calmed down I brought it up with my husband. He is very close to his mum and like you I didn't want to get between that. I really like her too so couldn't believe what she said.
Thankfully he realised just how insensitive and tactless her comment was and could see it exactly for what it was. It really helped to share it with him as we are, unfortunately, going through the longing for a second child together.
I do really sympathise and wish you the very best of luck


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi Atoz thanks for your reply. My partner tries to be supportive and sometimes I feel he's really trying but he has said a few times he doesn't understand me and why I get upset which hurts but I know men see it differently   my partner was bmvery angry with his mums comment and when his brothers girlfriend had the baby the text he got was " don't know if your interested but baby is here " etc he was really angry and did speak to her about it. I told my partner go ser baby because I didn't want them to think I'm stopping him but I couldn't face it. I will admit when he went I sat at home in tears just the thought of him seeing the baby I know it sounds selfish. I still havnt seen the baby but I know when we go his mums Xmas day they'll be there and I don't know how act I somehow become embarrased. There's a few times I've wanted to snap but bit my tongue I can't believe how insensitive some people can be. I know I've got to face them sooner or later I just normally smile and hover on with it but I'm scared of breaking in front of them, I just feel that since baby has been here they've 4got what we've gone through x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Quick update I am so angry and need to rant. We went to my partners mums today and his brother came with baby and I didn't mind at first I was occupying my son. Then my partners mum took the baby and my partners brothers girlfriend in the front room ( we were in kitchen) and they stayed in there talking and basically ignored us I could tell my son was uncomfortable as was I we just sat there and in the end when we left I couldn't even say goodbye to them. I javnt spoken to my partner about it I don't want cause an argument. To be honest it wasn't the baby that bothered me it's how they all sloped in the living room and left us to occupy ourselves. My partners brothers girlfriend also has a a child  whos 2 year old who is very loud and my son is a quiet boy and very shy around young children. I didn't want to be funny with them but I was so shocked at how they were I didn't say goodbye we just left, so angry right now x


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