# Jewish support



## ceci.bee

Hi

I am posting to ask if anyone has any experiences of TTC using Jewish donors? we are a mixed couple and my DH is Jewish. We were diagnosed with Non-Obstructive Azoospermia in the summer and have been told by our clinic to start looking for a donor as the chances of us getting pregnant with testicular sperm are low. my Dh is adamant he wants a Jewish donor as he will still feel that some of the history and heritage of his faith will be passed to that child, even if it is not genetically his and will make him feel so much better about a donor. I would love to chat to anyone who is or has been in a similar position esp as I don't really understand it properly not being religious myself.

Thanks
Cx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

One of the single ladies found a Jewish known donor on Free Sperm Donors Worldwide, OI don;t think she specifically looking for a Jewish donor he just happened to be. I am not sure which clinic you are with, but you could try importing your own sperm in from the USA or Denmark (again the single girls so this the sperm has to conform to UK ID release standards), it is still possible and then you can choose your donor and get more info about them- it might wider your choice. Good Luck
L x


----------



## pipgirl

Hi

If importing sperm from USA you will be able to specify Jewish Donor.

We asked at our clinic about this and were told that if we used their bank that there wasnt much ethnic variation except for black/chinese couples and that 'caucasian' was just that..no religion/culture background specified.

Its different with imported sperm but we decided the wait and cost wasnt worth it. It may be that your clinic have a bigger and more mixed bank than ours (ours was in Manchester -  ironic because lots of patients there are Ashkenazi Jews!)

Religiously speaking, the 'jewishness inherant' in the child is due to its Mother being Jewish (having Jewish belief not necessarily cultural background) so if you are jewish then your child is too regardless of genetics (in the teachings) and recognised as such by the community.
We were more concerned that the child resembled DP rather than the religious side - which may be the case anyway as we picked according to eye and hair colour (still, babies can look like your great great grandmother and nothing like either of you despite your best efforts!! Ha Ha)

Its funny because DP looks like my Father in Law (and yet they are not genetically related either).

Good luck in your search and hope it all goes well for you!

Pip and DP.


----------



## ameliacooper

Hi

Just to put your mind at rest.  If you are jewish (as in you are the child's mother) then the child is regarded as fully jewish regardless of the father's faith.  And anyway the child will legally be your husband's anyway.

I think this is right?

Axx


----------



## pipgirl

Yes thats right..

its because in 'ye olden times' the jewish community needed to be able to identify children according to torah and jewish law and you could always be certain of who the childs mother was (not the same with the father) and it enabled children born out of wedlock and as a result of abuse of masters ect were fully accepted into the jewish community.
This applies to the children born of a convert for the same reasons.
Its why jews in old writings are refered to the son or daughter of 'such a woman' ie...Jehuda Ben Miriam (Jesus, Son of Mary)...

Bank of useless information (Pip)


----------



## pixielou

Hi Celia,

yes all of the above are true, specially concerning the mother and if she is Jewish by birth then her off spring are Jewish in the eyes of Jewish Law even if she marries a non Jew etc. The same rules do not apply to the man however and if he 'marries out' then his children will not be considered Jewish in the same way. Pip is correct in her reasons why. 

However, I totally understand his view point of view in wanting to pass his heritage on!

Good Luck in your journey!
X


----------



## ceci.bee

Thank you so much for your advice pixielou, JJ, amelia and pipgirl I think we are going to try to get some from the US if we can as for DH it is more about passing on his heritage esp as I am not jewish. 
I really appreciate the info and help- I don't know where I would be without FF!
Cxx


----------



## pipgirl

Good luck with your quest - i am absolutely positive that you will have no problems finding appropriate jewish sperm in America (loads of donors there are jewish compared to in UK) except it will be easier to get Ashkenazi rather than Sephardi i imagine.

In fact theres LOTS of American Jews in New York...many of them marry into our community here..another good bet will be California.

Lots of luck.

Pip


----------



## rachel1972

my husband his jewish and was infertile due to lack of tubes but had sperm retrieved surgically but he also found out that 
he had cystic fibrosis and this was the reason , have you looked into this.


----------



## b&amp;l

We need donor sperm and have spoken to a couple of different Rabbonim on things halachickly its said to be better if you like to have a non jewish donor due to the implecation that could marry "family"

Here for you all
B and l x


----------



## ceci.bee

Thanks guys for your helpful replies. Rachel so sorry to hear about your DH - my Dh was tested for CF and it was negative - his NOA is due to a mutation in the y gene.

B&L thanks also for your helpful comments - I think if you are both jewish it is easier to accept non-jewish donor sperm, as I understand that traditionally it is the maternal jewish-ness that is so important. As I am not jewish we are going with a jewish donor as it is the only way that DH can feel a continuation of his culture and faith - which as his genes are not being passed on, then it is what he feels comfortable with. We are importing a donor from the US, so there hopefully should be no close 'family' connections, but totally understand the concern.
Good luck on your journey and thank you for sharing
love
C


----------



## b&amp;l

I was raised orthodox Ben was raised a liberal jew I'm now a liberal jew, the only side of judaism to follow that being a jew or not is down to your mother is orthoxy progressive judaism has long since recognised patrilinial jews

Ages ago we got a great book (aimed at kids) called "what is a jew" its rather twee but a great book

Here for you feel able to pm us

Lea n b x


----------



## ceci.bee

Thanks so much Lea - and I will order that book from Amazon it sounds great. DH and I have always said when we do manage to have babies we will join our local liberal synagogue, the rabbi is lovely and very supportive - and they have about 50% mixed couples and run all sorts of family events.

it is interesting that you were raised orthodox (as was DH) but have now changed to liberal (like DH will) - if it is not too personal what was your motivation to change?

good luck with your tx
lots of love
C


----------



## b&amp;l

Will log in via puter and send you a pm to explain...

Our nearest liberal community is in manchester, just a small one but everyone is great.

Not sure if you know Rabbi Mark Solomon he married us  we know a fair few Liberal Rabbi's x


----------



## b&amp;l

Anyone around? X


----------



## b&amp;l

Kicks n Bumps this


----------



## MrsMaguire

I hope this doesn't sound really ignorant. 

I'm a Catholic so not a Jew, but ever since studying Judaism for a theology degree I've always been really interested in the faith. 

I think I'm still in awe of you having two kitchens. 

But generally the practises really interest me, I really loved everything we did when we were studying your faith. I think it was called a mezuzah, I wish we had something like that in our religion. I have a fair spread of crucifixes in the house, the holy water had to go as my little boy saw it as a challenge to try and reach it. But the mezuzah would be a good way to remind us of the 10 commandments every time we leave our houses. 

Maybe I'm just a little mad. 

How are you getting on with your fertility treatment? I don't know if the ethics side of things differ to Catholicism, but it'd be really interesting to know. I guess it depends on your Rabbi. 

xx


----------



## b&amp;l

Will send you a pm when I log in from the laptop in a few hours. Thanks for the reply  x


----------



## LittleFriend

I'm here! Hello!


----------



## LittleFriend

I have thought about this too. I am Jewish, my husband isn't, and we are going the route of donor eggs. I looked into Jewish eggs, the odd place I found in Israel  wouldn't do interfaith marriages. I looked at New York, but the costs are astronomical to get Jewish eggs. At the end of the day, the baby will be mine, I will carry it and give birth to it, it will therefore be Jewish. I can dip him/ her in the mikva to make doubly sure, just in case!!!


----------



## JBox

Josamphone. 

Sorry for butting in, but i did a search for jewish / donor and came across this thread...

i have been diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve, have done countless treatments, just waiting for blood results back today on 5th ivf... but my chances are very very low and well we have been advised to go in the egg donation direction. I have a 3 year old who was conceived entirely naturally and this totally freaks me out. but my need and desire to have another child and a sibling for my lo, outwieghs my issues of having a child that genetically wouldnt be mine. I live in israel and it is not legal here yet, to use jewish eggs but they have agreements with both cyprus and ukreine and the waiting lists are very short (about 2 months). Ie, i can apply for receiving an egg donation from those countries, the eggs will be flown over and i can start treatment very quickly. little is known about the donor, just the basics, eye/ hair colour, etc etc etc...i however, would still like to have a jewish egg donor and wondered where you found the place in israel you mentioned below. I am sure there are places that do it (at a great cost) but i am just not aware of them. and of course, i dont really have anyone to ask apart from my doctor who wouldnt necc put me in touch with a place that he doesnt work at....
thanks so much for any info you might have


----------



## danim80

Hi all,

I just wondered if there were any other Jewish women in NW London/Herts going through IVF at the moment, or who have gone through IVF?  I have foun it quite hard to deal with at the moment, especially as most of my friends have one or more and my husband and I have been married over 3 years.

Thanks

D x


----------



## b&amp;l

Hi D, not in london up in leeds (but end up in london fairly regularily to see friends) if you wanna chat feel free to pm us  x


----------



## JBox

not in nw london, but may as well be, grew up there and all my friends / family there ( i am in israel). i do actually know a couple of people going thro it over there. where you doing treatments?


----------



## b&amp;l

How is everyone? X


----------



## ceci.bee

hi everyone

its weird I haven't been getting notifications of these posts - sorry! B&L how are you getting on? Are you closer to having tx now?

As you can see from my signature we finally after a long battle with the HFEA managed to source our Jewish sperm donor from the US and I am now 26 weeks pregnant. We managed to find a really good match and DH is so excited and in love with my bump it is really sweet. He said when I got pregnant 'it is not my sperm but it is my baby' and that is very much how we both feel about it  

good luck to everyone on their journey's and it would be great to hear how you are all doing
lots of love
C


----------



## b&amp;l

C - that is great that you won the battle with them 

We are waiting for a donor we decided not to specify a Jewish one as odds arent that high of getting one via the nhs.  I need to lose a heap of weight as well so hopefully by the time i loose it we will get news of a donor.

Not much going on with us aside. Iv a few months left at uni. And B has swapped from the degree he was doing with leeds uni to one with the open uni in a different subject area.

X


----------



## ceci.bee

Oooh good luck with your donor and the weight loss, really hope you can get going soon! how long are the waiting lists in your area?? Hope when you are both not students any more you will be parents soon!
xx


----------



## b&amp;l

We were told about a year - 18months in late december last year. X


----------



## Niknaks

Hi,
For those who were interested in eggs from Jewish donors, I'm Jewish and I did egg-sharing (as a donor) twice at the Lister. When I was choosing a clinic part of my criteria was that they had recipients on their waiting-lists who wanted Jewish-donor eggs. Apart from the Lister I recall that Herts/Essex also did. 
It might be worth asking some of the clinics (esp. in cities with large Jewish populations like London and Manchester) if they have any Jewish donors.

Niknaks


----------



## LittleFriend

Niknaks- thanks for the tip. I am due to go to a clinic in Manchester and that is a good tip. I am Jewish, DH isn't and we need donor eggs. I know in my heart that my children will be Jewish, and I do go to a reform shul, and the children born from egg donation would be seen as Jewish. I was bought up Orthodox though and know that there are some rabbinical arguments over if any baby would be Jewish. I would consider taking the baby into a mikvah it ensure there could be no arguments over it, even though I know in my heart of hearts that the baby would be Jewish because I would have given birth to it. If we could get eggs from a Jewish donor, I would be over the moon.


----------



## LittleFriend

A reform synagogue near me had a night on the ethics of genetic screening. It was quite interesting, they had three speakers
The medical director from Care- he spoke about how they do chromosome testing, genetic testing, PGD and survivor siblings
A geneticist- the focus of his talk was on common illnesses in Jewish families, such as Tay Sachs and why they end up being within the Jewish population
A rabbi- who talked about the ethics of PGD. He got the group to think of whether or not it is ok for PGD from illnesses such as Tay Sachs all the way through to PGD for sex selection and hair colour. It was interesting as although he was a reform rabbi, he did talk about orthodox and conservative views who seem largely in favour of PGD when it is done to save a life. He was asked about when life began and explained that although an embryo is viewed as life, a fetus has more life and a baby full life. He talked about how it was halachically ok to have an abortion if the mothers life is in danger.

At the end I approached the rabbi to discuss his views on egg donation. He was quite relaxed and said that the baby would be Jewish, but if I was concerned take the baby in a mikveh and there won't be any doubt and it will ease my mind. 

Overall a thoroughly enjoyable evening!


----------



## willing

Hello everyone

I am new to this virtual place and might sound undereducated initially on the egg sharing subject, but I am working on this 

Anyway, I am very keen to share my eggs. I heard there are Jewish families interested in  eggs. I am caucasian, Polish, live in London and have Ashkenazi Jewish roots after my mum and grandma, so they're on my maternal side, however I am an atheist.

I wonder if anyone would consider myself when looking for Jewish eggs. 
Let me know your thoughts.

x


----------



## b&amp;l

just saying hi x


----------



## ceci.bee

B&L just saw your ticker, that is fabulous news congratulations! I am delighted for you guys   
lots of love to all
Ceci


----------



## b&amp;l

thank you Ceci  x


----------



## LittleFriend

Mazel tov! Glad it's worked out for you too B&L. Not been on here for ages and just saw your signature. Lovely news! It looks like we've all been having a bit of good luck lately!


----------



## b&amp;l

thank you LittleFriend  x


----------

