# Help. TTC journey for 2nd is over but I'm struggling to accept



## wildflower

Hello
I'm looking for encouragement for those who have accepted the end of their ttc journey and have been lucky enough to have their much wanted child. I'm so lucky and 4 years ago I would have loved to know I would get my DD. But after a failed attempt to conceive a sibling I feel heartbroken that I'm not able to 
Any encouragement to accept my situation would be so so welcome xxx


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## Twomagpies

I dont know how you get over it, i am at the same point teying to decide if journey is over if we go down the route of donor eggs. I am going to have counselling, dunno if will help, but will try. 
Sending hugs and hope you find your peace.


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## wildflower

Thank you for your reply Twomagpies. I know I'd be happy if I could just accept but in struggling with doing that. I have wondered about donor eggs too. 
xxx


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## AbbeyHouse

Hi ladies,

This is a late post from me to this thread as today I find out that our last chance at IVF has failed.
I think it's probably a mixture of my eggs and DH's sperm, it's such a draining process (mentally, emotionally and financially) that we are going to draw a line under it now, we need to get on with our lives!

DS is 6 and occasionally gets upset at being one of the only one of his friends to not have siblings.  When I see his little chin go it makes my heart break, if only we could give him a little brother and sister, life can be cruel, but life doesn't owe you anything either, so you've just got to grab it by the horns and make the most of it.

So, I am trying to remain strong and focus on the positives, our manifesto will be:-

We will cherish these wonderful child hood years with DS and his never ending marvel at the world and all the questions, rather than be distracted by younger siblings
He will have all our attention to help him with school work, hobbies etc
We will help him channel his passions and loves and offer encouragement all the time
We will have more opportunity to talk to him openly and honestly about life and his life choices and hopefully he will grow up with a strong sense of self whilst developing to become a good and kind man
We will try our best to make him understand the importance of sharing, he is in the rather luxurious position of never having to share toys, sweets etc, he needs to understand that sharing means becoming a better person
We may end up having more funds to go on adventures, skiing holidays, music festivals, special stuff
His close friends will become his brothers and sisters, our house will always be welcoming to them so that he can have friends over all the time and not feel alone.  How many people do you know that don't even stay in touch with their siblings in later life as they've had some huge family feud, you can choose your friends but not your family as the old saying goes
We will teach him that families come in all shapes and varieties, large and small and one day he will understand how we tried to have a bigger family but for some it's not that straightforward.  
He will know how special he is and how much we love him and that regardless of any brothers and sisters sometimes one person is amazing enough for two or three!

Who knows by the time DS is an adult or his children are grown up there will be a world wide policy on single child families anyway, so DS will be pioneer of that already.

Much love to anybody in a similar position xx


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## wildflower

AbbeyHouse thank you for your lovely post it made me tear up when I read it on saturday! I love these positives and I have been feeling more and more positive about being a family of three, ( but I'm still on the journey towards acceptance )

I might have to write a manifesto 
xxx


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## AbbeyHouse

Hi Wildflower,

I am glad it gave you some comfort, that was my intention.

Acceptance is a long path, I know it will take me a long time to fully adjust and finally come to terms with the fact that there will be no more children.  For so many years now I have absent mindedly day dreamed of more children and fantasised about a larger family and these past few days I've had to abruptly stop these thoughts, which happen automatically now, and realise that NO, it will not happen for us.
It's really sad and will get me down, but less each time.  At least now I can stop torturing myself, as that's how it feels sometimes, particularly when I wake up a night and these thoughts come churning through.

No regrets, at least we tried our very best and should never look back wonder what if.
We are so very luck to be a mummy to someone and we of all people know how special our little ones are to us.  One day they will understand how difficult it was for us and how strong we must be to let go of our dreams and continue on to make a better life for ourselves, or be it the unplanned route.

Much love to you xx

Ps - Perhaps we should keep adding positives as and when we think of them.

One more from me....

We will never openly complain about how hard work it is bringing them up, as every moment of looking after them is even more precious when we realise we will only go through it the once

xx


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## jessica60

Abbey, absolutely love your posts.

I'm currently waiting to mc at 9 weeks. I already have a four year old but have been trying for a sibling for a while. I don't think I can take much more of the fertility struggle even though I have three frosties left.

I too am considering to grip hold of my life again and live it with just one child. I do worry about her being lonely, no cousins etc.

The positives I have listed:

No sibling rivalry. I have some friends who do not get on with their sisters.

More money to spend on her for holidays, clubs, university, help with buying home.

I will have more patience as I will not be tired looking after a new born.

Any problems she has I will have the time and energy to help sort them.

As I'm nearly 40 not running the risk of having a baby with special needs or abnormalities.


Can anyone agree?

Cany anyone add anymore positives?


Abbey, how are you getting on with accepting life with just one?


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## its the hope that hurts

Just book marking this. Thank you x


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## miamiamo

Myself I know two ladies who conceived naturally after failed IVF-s. "Miracles happen to those who believe in them" - Bernard Berenson


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## its the hope that hurts

Thank you.  I am getting towards late 40s so it's fairly unlikely but thanks xx


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## wildflower

Thanks for reminding me of this thread *its the hope that hurts* - i love AbbeyHouse's post and manifesto.
These feelings were so raw two years ago, I've made a lot of a progress, but I would love another happy healthy baby and I think of it often. I am also constantly thankful and grateful for my amazing DD.
Love to you all and your miracles xxx


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