# BFN - what now?



## shill (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi there, 

Just found this site this morning whilst frantically searching the net for some information!

We've just completed our first IVF cycle and I did my test yesterday morning after the (what seems like never ending) 2WW but it was negative 

I've stopped using the pessaries now (last one Saturday night), but does anyone know how long it should be before I start bleeding?  I keep thinking if I haven't bled by Wednesday maybe I'll do another test but then I also know I'm clutching at straws.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Shill, i'm so sorry hun   after my second cycle failed af didn't show for what seemed like forever (i'm sure it was only a few days) it just feels like another kick in the teeth doesn't it as a tiny part of you clings on to hope especially as you always hear of people who got a neg on test day but went on to get a postive later. unfortunately all you can do is wait, try not to think about and try to occupy your mind (i'm laughing at my own words here maybe i should just add blah blah blah) 

sending you huge   and feel free to shout scream, rant and rave here we all sort of know how you feel  

pam xx

P.s it will get easier, i promise


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## shill (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi Pam, 

Thanks for your kind words.  The silly thing is we all know we're being irrational but we just cling on to that shred of hope.  Unfortunately AF has just arrived.  I'm at work and all I want to do is have a big fat cry because that shred of hope has now gone and I know 100% that we've failed.  

Still, it was our first attempt.  It would have been too good to be true if it had worked.  Can't help feeling sad for my little fella's though, bizarre as it may sound I thought of them as little boys, I know, I know, I sound crazy!  I'm really not though, honest!!  

Good luck to everyone out there - I really didn't appreciate quite what a roller coaster ride it would be.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

so sorry af arrived and crushed your hopes   

you don't sound crazy hun, i think it's normal to grieve for the loss of our embies it is very upsetting (too small a word really) when you get a BFN   

you will find that a lot of people on this site give their little embies names although i could not bring my self to do this

sending you more   

pam xx


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## allyjo (Jun 18, 2007)

Hi

I had my BFN on 22nd June and its only been a couple of weeks since I can actually talk about it with out crying. I may have been a bit extreme, I have started to feel more normal and thinking about going back to work. My advice is really to give yourself time and not to be too hard Just accept being sad and it will get easier. 

hope this helps


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## shill (Jul 30, 2007)

Thanks for your advice Allyjo.

I do feel better now.  I think I thought I should "get a grip" and have my day of sadness when we found out (30th) and then get on with things.  But it wasn't as cut and dry as that.  The BFN effected me far more than I realised and as you rightly said I needed to allow myself to grieve.  I thought I was going to explode on the Monday when I was at work but managed to make it home before desolving in tears.  Felt much much better for it. Also felt much better once I'd spoken to the clinic and had a timeframe for another attempt - gave me renewed hope. 

We have three frosties so we're going to try with those when we get back from holiday Nov/Dec time.

Hope yours goes well!


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi Shill
Just wanted to post as your thoughts are like a carbon copy of how I have felt - from reading I think we had BFN the week before you - I still have not so good days (dont allow myself to call them bad!).  I think at an early stage you do tell yourself to 'get a grip' and far worse things happen etc etc - however i found it hard that after a few days everyone stops asking how you are - either out of kindness or because they assume that you will feel better.  What I'm trying to say I felt as though we spent quite some time 'in the limelight' and you cant help but build your hopes up, and then when it doesnt happen you feel as if you arent important anymore and life moves as if nothing happened.  Hope that makes sense...
It is a rollercoaster and in comparison the build up / tx was easier than the after, but I am sure, as with all things it does get better.
Take care xx


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