# Dear Judge...



## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Dear Mr Judge,

As I'm sat here I'm in a massive panic that my two darling sons might be removed from our care and returned to birth parents...I'm in a panic about this because you asked birth parents to submit paperwork and then when they didn't you said you'd give them another chance and granted another four weeks...Four weeks is a long time in this house hold, it's a long time to keep picturing me at my doorstep waving goodbye, removing their photos from my walls and striping their bedrooms of furnishings and leaving bare rooms for me to cry in. 


Your Honour I know the chances of their removal are slim, but there's still that chance so whilst ther is that chance I'll love them with all my heart but I'll still keep picturing saying goodbye because my minds getting carried away. 

I know that you need to give birth families every chance to 'have their say ' but is it fair on all parties involved? At least the birth family know what's going on, we on the other hand have to wait days an days for information an when it's given it's unclear what's happening. Is it fair on birth families? Are you getting their hopes ups? 

Your Honour I just want you to know that it is I who has these children in my care and it's our family that is given the least consideration...The stress on my family and myself over these next four weeks is without a doubt going to affect my poor children and it's supposed to be them that this is all about...

Yours respectfully, 

A Sad, confused, anxious Mummy


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)




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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hugs so well  put sending  strength  and hugs xx


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

The wonders of our legal system;  causes so much pain and damage. Sending you hugs, strength and some extra oxygen to help keep you breathing.   xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Big hugs Littlepoppy 

Going by so many previous threads, this is one area that a great number of us agree should be considered for change.
At the very least the timing and order of this part of the process should be looked into 

So many of us have been where you are now and can sympathise 

x x x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

It's terrible isn't it? Hope the time passes really quickly and everything goes smoothly for you. Xxx


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

To you. Your post really choked me up as I think we will be in the same situation in a few weeks. It's so cruel and as you say not just you and your family but isn't it cruel to keep raising hopes of bf too.

In my opinion once a po is granted the ao should just be about the success of the adoption so should be based on how things are with you and your children. I don't believe it's in anyone's interests to have these never ending appeals for bf there comes a point where you have to draw the line.

I hope the next few weeks pass quickly for you and you can then move forwards with your lives as a family secure in the knowledge this is all behind you.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

In this situation even the most logical and rational person looses their perspective. It's awful. They are your babies and they are, in your mind, at risk. I used to cry thinking of little pink back with her birth mum. How would she know what she liked to eat, how she drifted off to sleep, how she was comforted, her favourite toy, what a certain sign or sound meant. It broke my heart but suddenly it was over and I was her forever and ever mummy. It will be ok, it will be. You don't have to believe me now but it will. You'll get through it but for now it's awful and we are all here for you. The system is cruel


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Thank you all ...

I feel a bit better now I've had more time to digest what's happening...

The first hearing I was expecting them to contest, I'd have been more surprised if they didn't. But at the second hearing to be told that they've been given another chance an 4 weeks to get their stuff together has really thrown us. I never knew there was this option I thought it was order granted simple as!

More thought, consideration an training needed to adopters so they understand the different paths! 

Xx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

Sorry to hear this is happening to you   


How many FF adopters have vbeen through this now? Seems an awful lot


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

littlepoppy86 said:


> Dear Mr Judge,
> 
> As I'm sat here I'm in a massive panic that my two darling sons might be removed from our care and returned to birth parents...I'm in a panic about this because you asked birth parents to submit paperwork and then when they didn't you said you'd give them another chance and granted another four weeks...Four weeks is a long time in this house hold, it's a long time to keep picturing me at my doorstep waving goodbye, removing their photos from my walls and striping their bedrooms of furnishings and leaving bare rooms for me to cry in.
> 
> ...


Im with you 100%, exactly the same happened to us, ours was granted finally a couple of weeks back, I was literally calling our sw daily with... are you sure its all going to be ok? please give me plenty of warning to pack the car and go if needs be , cried myself to sleep night after night imagining just like you my poor baby being taken, imagining a knock at the door saying they'd come to collect him , 4 weeks between hearings is far too long, ours was granted on 3rd hearing so had 2 lots of delays, its horrific and heart wrenching!

Not to mention the fact that bm actually asked our sw at the last hearing 'how will the transfer home be managed' poor woman actually thought she was in with a chance of getting him back which is so unfair.

No consolation to you at this moment in time but it will be over soon and your babies are already yours, we know that dont we but its just hard with the scare hanging over you, stay strong for them and dont let it tarr your time with them, I'm annoyed that for 2 months of my al it had a cloud hanging over what should have been our special time, big hugs


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Oh how that brought back memories. I sat sobbing my eyes out one afternoon when hubby came in from work. I totally feared the worse. We had met BM on the day she lodged the appeal!! She sat in that room and said she was really happy Bubba was with us blah blah blah. Our sw was amazing came and saw us understood my fears and got Bubba sw to call me. The information gave me a massive peace of mind but I remember the day of the hearing neither of us could cope. Bubba went to bed for a nap we picked at our lunch and eventually sw phones and just said are out free on 2nd August so I can book your celebration ceremony. Just managed to say yes before tears hit. She said speak later bye!! It was about the time Bubba first said love you but sounded more like woof you and can remember thinking how will she even know what that means let alone all the other things she was doing at the time. 

You have my total sympathy but it will be ok. Don't let it spoil the precious time with your family cause believe me it goes so quickly. We are now 3 plus years since we became a family and our baby starts school in September!! How did we get there sooooo quickly.

Massive hugs xc


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

WP she asked how the transfer would be handled?

I'd be interested in having a conversation with birth family during these times, do they get a bedroom ready? Have they a wardrobe full of clothes? I highly doubt they really expect to get them home t more the motion of trying? Do they wonder and think what it would be like to bring home a child by blood but doesn't know them?

X


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## Duckling (Oct 5, 2009)

I am so sorry littlepoppy . It makes me so cross that you should be put through this. I hope it's over as soon as possible and you can get on with your lives. Xx


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## Laws1612 (Dec 12, 2011)

I understand your pain....we are in the same situation....its horribly cruel.....I wish you the all the luck and for a happy ending.....we all deserve that xxxx


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

littlepoppy86 said:


> WP she asked how the transfer would be handled?
> 
> I'd be interested in having a conversation with birth family during these times, do they get a bedroom ready? Have they a wardrobe full of clothes? I highly doubt they really expect to get them home t more the motion of trying? Do they wonder and think what it would be like to bring home a child by blood but doesn't know them?
> 
> X


yes she did, basically she was asked at the 2nd hearing to go away and put her case in writing then come back to the judge a month later, bearing in mind she wasn't granted leave to appeal at this stage but to put it in writing before it would be considered, cruel really as she clearly thought that when she went back it meant they would consider it, our sw spoke to her before the last hearing on the day while waiting and yes she actually asked sw how the move home would be managed, to a degree I feel for her as its very cruel, most of them don't grasp a full understanding of these things at all so Im not surprised she got her hopes up, exactly who is advising her how it all works as clearly she didn't have a clue, I feel someone should have managed that better for her at least. She's also pregnant again and due in the next 2 mths so theres no way they would have moved our lo back to her and I had to keep that in my mind to reassure me there was no chance it would happen, scary stuff all round and lots of tears shed believe me, I too kept thinking she doesnt know my baby, how will she comfort him etc etc, even the FC while he was there he was young enough to just require his needs be met but since coming home at 9mths he's turned into a little person, he's so so bright and knows everything at 17mths now so knows fully who we are and I was beside myself at the thought of his world being torn apart, makes me cry even now thinking about how we felt 

I hope to god yours is over soon for you as its certainly not nice, and it does tarr your time with them without a doubt no matter how hard you try not to let it. x


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## Becky29forever (Aug 3, 2011)

The system is wrong. No doubt about it. It is inhumane. I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I am guessing that you have a district judge rather than a circuit judge which sadly sometimes means that they will give the BM or BD more chances than really anyone should. In the whole court process adopters are forgotten and it is like our feelings don't matter to the Court or SS. 

All I can say is that the same thing happened to us (and another member of our family). We thought we would get our order before Christmas and in the end it was February.

I know everyone told me "there is no chance he is going anywhere, he is your little boy" but the fact there was a chance, no matter how very remote, still made me uneasy and very unsettled. I was so angry I said to SS well if the court order him to go back then when you call for him we won't be here!!! I cannot imagine how bad it must be if your adopted child is actually old enough to know there is a risk of them being returned/ placed with birth parents - what a horrific thought.

I know it is easy for me to say this but I am saying it from experience. Please do not worry, everything will be fine in the end. The hurdle for birth parents is two fold and even if (and its a huge if) they get over the first hurdle they don't get over the second. One of my colleagues has worked in child protection for over 30 years and told me she had never seen a child returned. 

Chin up and lots of love x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Thank you 

Feeling a lot better now and pushed to the back of my mind for another few weeks... 

LO is only very young but since the day we found out has had night terrors where he's inconsolable, surely not related?! He's never had them before and generally a 7-7 sleeper x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I think they pick up on so much more than we realise. Our lo also had them the week of his last contact when he was only 6 months old. It was short lived thankfully. Hugs to you, stay strong it will all be behind you soon. X


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

I'll certainly be mentiOning it on our next SW visit for possible feedback to the courts. Annoying thing is once this ones sorted we've the sibling hearing the week after!! 

Becs your orders due soon isn't it? X


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Oh LP how stressful! Hopefully sibling should be very straightforward so soon after. Ours is the end of the month, we're expecting it to be contested as they pretty much all are these days! Our sw and lo's sw are hopeful it may be granted on the first hearing even if that is the case as lo has siblings and their ao's were granted this week I believe. They're making the case to the courts that given those ao's will have gone through just a few weeks before that there can't be any reason to delay lo's and it's not in anyone's interest to drag it.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Waiting (Im)patiently for court date!!! 

My agency have said that there was a big shake up in January, anyone know how that will effect lodging for orders in the future?


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Hi littlepoppy, I feel for you! We were in this position last month. The hearing was heard in a magistrates court for some reason (usually done in family court there) LO SW said they didn't seem to know what they were doing & allowed the appeal without being asked! That really made is worry! The annoying thing is an older sibling had their hearing the next day at the family court & it was granted immediately. That gave us a little piece of mind but I know that you can't help but worry. It will be over soon. 

x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

MG the silly thing about ours is our youngest hearing is the day after! Can you imagine if they grant them time yet again when the eldest was granted the day before!!!


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

littlepoppy86 big   

It's just simply crazy! 

Your post was so wonderfully written and I cannot begin to imagine how anxious you must be feeling just now. We have to wait until August to file for the AO, but I fear we may end up in a situation similar to yours, as far as we are led to believe BF is planning to contest, I   everyday that he doesn't, yet I really think he will  

I hope the court dates come round soon and that your wait isn't too agonising


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Weemoo I hope August comes quickly for you! Have you everything ready for the day you can?

Xx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Heard nothing but been harassing the courts all day...Apparently it's normal to just have to wait for a letter!!! Is it just me or should the day the orders granted be super amazing as a massive milestone and a day we want to remember an celebrate?! X


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

I couldn't agree more poppy. Due to circumstances we were actually in court when our wee man's order was granted and it was such a disappointment. It was as if the judge was ordering a lump of cheese from the deli counter in tesco! No emotion, nothing. At the end of the hearing she said 'I pronounce this hearing closed' and we had to ask our sw if it had been granted because it was so matter of fact and nothing nice at all.

I was such a disappointment and it made me very sad because like you say it is a HUGE day for us. 
Hope you hear soon x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

I think the order being granted is really a legal process/formality and not supposed to be celebrated there and then - that's why the celebration day thingy exists.

I really feel for you - we waited literally weeks to find out the result of our final hearing.  No-one knew (I kid you not!)  The judge had gone on holiday, having filled out the paperwork incorrectly, so the clerk couldn't be sure exactly what had happened.  Bug's agency weren't there.  Our agency wasn't there.  So... we just had to wait.  I was on the phone to the court daily but no-one could tell me anything.  It was a bit of a nightmare, really.  It was the only time our SW didn't 'get' how we felt.  I was trying to tell her we didn't even know who had complete parental responsibility, but she said until you're actually notified (i.e. receive a letter) then previous arrangements stand.

Bug's BD was a bit of an unknown quantity (oh, that's an understatement, LOL!) and I'd lay money they didn't follow the correct notification procedure for him, as he was variously out of the country, at her majesty's pleasure, and a wanted man, and also because Bug's SW literally loathed and despised him.  So I was nervous he might have cropped up at the last minute.  It was hell not knowing.

(((((hugs)))))


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

AOC that's a long time not knowing and just in limbo!!! 

Although the celeb hearing is the day for celebration it's not compulsory and you have to request it with this LA they don't do them as standard...

Well...

ORDER GRANTED!

Thank heavens for that! I'm so pleased my gorgeous monkey is legally ours! I know deep down he was never going back but with all the recent changes to the adoption system an the cases in April I was just worried that there would be a turn around one day and we would be that family!

Thank you all for your support...I'll be back in two weeks when I'm moaning because I haven't been notified about siblings order being granted..(now that will be a big moan if they faff with that when big bro order was completed!) 

Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Wahoo congratulations LP and family! Wonderful news, you can sleep soundly tonight.


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Many congrats! Xxx


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Yay brilliant that one is finally over for you, such a relief, we finally have our Celebration day on Monday and were done...wahooo!


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

thAnks all!

Waiting patiently do you have anything planned? X


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Woooohoooooo fantastic news - another forever family xxxx


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## MrsLibran (Oct 20, 2013)

First of all congratulations on your adoption order, what a relief it must be for you. We are going through the same at the moment and I was wondering what timescales you were given. The BM sought permission to appeal the adoption order and this was refused so she has now submitted to high court even though lower court judge did not give permission. Our SW doesn't really know timescales so I was wondering if anyone on here would have had a similar experience. BM has had no changes, in fact they are worse but I'm still worried and having sleepless nights thinking about everything


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi mrs Libran, you must be feeling awful :-(...

Ours never got to the place of appealing the adoption order with the high court. I'm hoping that in the timescales from adoption order to celeb hearing they don't appeal again. 

Do you have any more information for dates or what happens next?  Xx


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## MrsLibran (Oct 20, 2013)

The SW isn't sure, she said it could be days or weeks. We don't have another date as yet. The BM circa are terrible and haven't changed but they are still allowed time and time again to appeal, the system seems all wrong xx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

So in the time that's passed from the judge allowing the adoption order at your court have you had paperwork etc with the adoption order? X


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## MrsLibran (Oct 20, 2013)

As far as I am aware and our SW said that one adoption order has been made they can't appeal. The BM has tried to seek permission to appeal against the order being made. This was turned down in the lower court but she has now gone to the high court as this is a statutory right. She tried to appeal the placement order too which delayed things at the beginning. It's just so stressful xx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

I hope it passes quick for you. The anxiety you're feeling really isn't fair :-( x


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## MrsLibran (Oct 20, 2013)

Thank you and enjoy your Celebration Day   xx


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