# A small but significant triumph



## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hello girls,

Today I passed another hurdle on this road to recovery. I took a box of old needles left over from tx back to the hospital to dispose of them. Sounds small I know but I am so pleased, this has been a massive obstacle for me and I have finally cleared it!

Since my final ICSI back in March, I have had a sharps box full of used drugs and needles left over from tx. I couldnt face taking them back to the clinic to dispose of them as it seemed so final and I felt too emotional about it, but also because it meant returning to our local hospital which is the scene of many bad memories....

Although my tx was mainly done up in London our local hospital acted as a 'satellite' clinic for our first 2 txs, but was also the hospital where DH went to have an examination to see if any of his tubes were blocked and the urologist was awful very insensitive didn't read the notes properly etc etc, its where we DH's diagnosis was confirmed and I burst into tears in the corridor, its where the fertility nurse made numerous major c*ck ups which I won't bore you with, causing us intense stress, its where the fertility consultant looked at me like a dogpoo for crying, and so on and so on and so on!!!!

Anyhow these drugs have been sitting in my bedroom under a chair cos it wouldn't fit in a drawer, and I haven't had the courage to go back to that awful place to get rid of them.
But I have been brewing up to doing it for a couple of weeks as we want to decorate the bedroom and I sure as hell don't want those things sitting there reminding me in my lovely new bedroom!

today I just looke at them and couldn't stand them being there anymore, so without lstopping to let myself think I jumpe in the car and i took them back.      

It was a bit of an ordeal actually because the pharmacy was closed and they sent me all through the hospital to something called the 'Rainbow Unit'. The route through sent me past the waiting room for the urologist, and the corridor that I had burst into tears in, and then the Rainbow unit turned out to be the Family Planning and Child Development Unit!!!!  

I did feel a lump in my throat after reliving all those awful memories and then having to stand in a room full of prams, and seeing Child Devlopment books and leaflets on avoiding pregs on the reception desk, But I did it, I was so brave! 

Sorry for rambling on so but this feels like another step forward, and quite a significant one because I have been wanting to do it for so long, and also you've all been so kind when i've been feeling down I thought it would be nice to share some good news with you for a change!!!


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi Ermey

I just had to write to you as I can really relate to this - I had my needles/Zita West Book/clinic invoices and left over drugs alll in a cardboard box in the spare room (whihc would have been the 'baby's' room).  I have not been as strong as you as it has now been put up in the loft and it really should have been dealt with properly and removed from the house like you did.  I also have baby toys I 'collected' stupidly when we were going through treatment which I have also put in the loft now ..... again they have not really properly been dealt with  

I applaud you so loudly for having the courage to face your demons head on - it is not easy.  For anyone who has not gone through this themselves I guess it seems not to be such a big deal but we all know it is a huge deal and it symbolises so much ..... you are stepping forward Ermey.  Take a deep breath and pat yourself hard on the back cos you did it girl ... WELL DONE  

Lots of love from an admirer (!)  Pipkin xx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Thank Pipkin,

I am so chuffed and happy to day, I feel like another little weight has been lifted...for now.

I can completely understand you putting everything in the loft and thats not necessarily a bad thig. Hopefully by the time you next come across them you will be feeling a little stronger.

I have to admit we still have 2 huge folders of clinic correspondence sitting in a kitchen cupboard which we cannot bear to sort out. I am tempted to shred them but thats a bit TOO brave! ...also they contain invoices and also medical records and results, and documents about DHs testicular complications so am a bit concerned whether by some horrid freak of fate we probaly ought not to dispose of them totally.

the loft sounds like a perfectly good solution!!!

Would be interested to hear what other people did with their correspondence/clinic records etc.

Must dash as DH back from his trip abroad!!!! Wooohooo!

Thanks Pipkin for sharing my sense of acheivement on this!


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Well done my friend Ermey, 
You have faced your demons and made a really significany step forward. You should feel proud of yourself.
Enjoy haveing your DH back and have a lovely WE,

Lots of Love MeganXXXX


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Well done you!    

Dealing with the remnants of the process, the meds, needles etc. is tricky because they are soooo symbolic as Pipkin says and your experience was more challenging that it should have been.  Well done.

I've got some IVF leftovers in the fridge and every time I open the cupboard in our bathroom, I move the trigger needle box and the burgundy cosmetic/toilet bag that was sent as a "complimentary gift" from the drugs company (the most expensive cosmetic/toilet bag in history!)

I think it's time for them to go and will follow your lead on this.  Does anyone out there know if there are any other options for getting rid of the leftover meds? I assume listing them on eBay is not an option and I'm not going within a country mile of my clinic.

As for the paperwork, I'll leave that for another day but the shredder looks pretty inviting.

Have a great weekend.

flipper


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Thanks girls    This has made me feel so good.   

Guess the next step is to tackle that naughty cousin of mine   


Flipper, I think any hospital paharmacy will take old needles and syringes, but you could try normal pharmacys to dispose of drugs.  Someone else might be able to clarify better though.

To be honest, its been really reassuring to hear that this subject has been a 'demon' for others too, and its wasn't just me being a wimp for the last 10 months!


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Ermey - You know how proud of you I am anyway, but in celebration of your particularly fab bravery today and the huge step you have achieved I thought you'd like the below to show you how  extra proud I am of what you got through today  

                           
    

Love
Hippy
xxxxxxxxxx


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## s.a.f. (May 20, 2005)

Well Done Ermey - that's so courageous ! and also very inspiring ! 

I've still not brought myself to throwing away the paperwork 4 years after finishing tx ! 

S.A.F.


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Well done Ermey!!! It took me 10   years to chuck out the paperwork! Love jq


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## s.a.f. (May 20, 2005)

Well that makes me feel much better JQ ! I was embarrassed to admit I'd gone 4 years without throwing it out !! You've given me a target of 6 years to do it now !! 

S.A.F.


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Well done Ermey...
This is quite a symbolic move and you managed to deal with it...
I have to admit that i still have my paperwork from my previous Treatment, but i haven't really given it much thought until you raised this posting..Maybe that is something i need to look at...
The thing i am going to admit to....ouch!!!!
Over the years I collected a few childrens/baby clothes and little mementoms ( i don't know how to spell) and about 2 months ago i took them to work, to sell them on our little table where we collect money for the ward. It was hard, but as soon as i did it, i felt better..For me that was about moving forward...
Thanks Ermey for posting this topic. At the time i felt alone, but realise it is something that can be shared with people that understand that significance of it all..
lots of love astridx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Well done Ermey-  . I have still all my paperwork to sort out too. I have moved them from the top of the wardrobe into a safety box at the bottom!!!!Does that come under the heading of "Sorting out"?    I also have a baby book in there too  and my persona kit from many yrs ago when we first started trying.

As for the spare room(ie baby room) i have a duvet and bed but as yet have not had the courage to do it up!


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Well done Erney
I also have sharps container which I need to get rid of and you've inspired me to do it!
A couple weeks ago I stopped taking my folic acid which was a big step for me.
I had my last IVF 6 months ago now but you know I kept taking those little pills and it tied me to the desire to keep hoping for a miracle. Stopping them was one of the hardest things I've done but it has also set me free.
Lots love Joanne/Emma


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