# Blinking ********!



## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

Yet another happy smiling family clutching a scan photo popped up on my news feed. I'm happy for them but every scan photo makes me want to throw up. Every pregnancy announcement is like someone has stuck a knife in my gut and is twisting it. Every new baby my friends pass me for a cuddle makes me go home and cry till I've nothing left to cry.
And I'm one of the lucky ones who managed to eventually have a baby but even though I've been blessed with my miracle, infertility still hurts so much     


Smile plastered back on. Lippy on. Shoulders back. Head up. Face the world.


And as for ********... Hide Hide Delete Delete Delete.


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## jess 0x0 (Jun 8, 2011)

Feeling the same lately, still hurts how people can have something I want so badly so easily, I know we won't have the funds to have IVF any time soon.

Deep breathe and counting my blessings! 

Love Jess
xxx


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## Gothictulip (May 23, 2013)

I really dislike Smugbook.

I don't mind the scans too much , its the constant minute by minute updates that irrate me. 

My sister has been doing that since she was 10 weeks. the baby is now 6 months old. I'm always a little concerned that the child wont be too impressed when she finds out her whole first years were advertised to the world on Smugbook.

Rant over 

    Lots of hugs


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## beckalouise (Aug 29, 2010)

kandy   you know what I did!!


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

Smugbook!! Love it!   


I've had a major cull today and deleted a load of people. I use it to keep in touch with friends and family abroad so don't want to deactivate my account. Am just trying to control my green eyed monster


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

One of my good friends just announced a surprise bfp. She has a DS the same age as mine from IVF and she was getting ready to do FET when she found out. Scan picture, full details, everything. It's not that I'm not happy for her but I feel like I just died a bit inside. Feel like such a cow for feeling like this. Am supposed to be working but am just sat here with tears flooding down my face    It really blindsided me cause I didn't expect it from her and I felt we were in the same boat (although I have no frosties, but she's the only person I know in real life (iykwim) who can't have any more children - or so I thought). Feeling very mixed up    Think am going to come off ** for a few days. Can't cope with this. DP says I should be grateful for what we have. I am, every day, but that doesn't take away my feelings. Feel so upset and so mean all rolled in to one    
I don't even know why I'm posting all this, there's nothing anyone can do to help, but I suppose it feels a bit better to get it off my chest.


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## beckalouise (Aug 29, 2010)

Oh kandy it's not fair is it   x


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

Thanks for the support Becka    still feeling a lurch of sickness every time I think about it. They are male factor just like us which makes me feel worse. I deactivated my account last night. It will have been pretty obvious as we have a private group of 4 of us including her (and another girl also pregnant with her 2nd) so they will all have noticed as we were all online talking when she announced it. And they all know about our IF. No contact from any of them though    I don't want to upset her anymore than I probably already have done by being a jealous self-centred cow and I really can't cope so thought deactivating my account was best. Stupid thing is I was really rooting for her FET to work then I lose the plot when she falls naturally


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## beckalouise (Aug 29, 2010)

It really isn't stupid, we would all given our right arm for a natural BFP so I think you reaction is totally normal   x


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## KS1 (Sep 15, 2012)

I feel the same its all around me, I have had two failed ICSI attempts and ******** is babys babys babys, I am happy for my friends but cant help the sadness that comes over me and it feels like everyone at work is having babys too! (3 in my office!) so no its very hard x


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

yes, ** is a nightmare. I have a baby blocker on it as recommended by a lady on here!

Here are the details! "Unwhatever.me: block everything you can imagine on ******** http://unwhatever.me "

It doesn't always work. But when it does it makes me happy, as currently I have it set to show pictures of cake instead!

I have also deactivated my account a couple of times so far, sometimes it is just too much.

x


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

Hi ladies, it's a nightmare, I hide pregnant ladies and those with new babies (Yogabunny, that was your suggestion I think!) which helps, but it still catches you out...

Mine is particularly bad this week - two new annoucements with scans pics (one girl I'd hidden in preparation as I already knew, but her sister reposted!), a birth from someone I didn't even know was pregnant, and when I just went on one father is doing live updates from the hospital as his partner is being induced today! 

Yogabunny - As ever, fantastic advice  I LOVE the sound of something that hides baby related posts, definitely going to try! How are you doing? Hope you're feeling a little better now xxx


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## George_00 (Jun 17, 2013)

Reading all of this just made me feel so much better. I definitely understand the feeling of a physical reaction to finding out someone else's good news. It feels like being physically injured. I have been working lately on not being cross with myself about this reaction, and *trying* not to judge myself for it. Its hard though. But it does just add to the bad feelings - firstly being hurt that it's someone else, not me, secondly feeling like a bad person for being jealous rather than happy. The truth is, I'm not really happy for them, because it would be so much easier for me (and I guess for all of us) if it was this hard for everyone.

******** is a nightmare, and I have hidden everyone who is pregnant, with small baby, or likely to become so - thanks for that blocker thing - such a good idea!

I can't remember who is was, but whoever called herself a 'cow' for feeling like this, please don't. You're not. I'll bet anything you're a really lovely person - if you weren't, you wouldn't feel bad for feeling jealous. 

George XXX


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