# Can I join you?



## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi Girls

Can I join you? I have been lurking here since my last *and final treatment * failed and think it's about time I joined you.

I feel I know you all so well already through reading your posts. So much of what you have said about your daily struggles has mirrored that of my own life. I hope it will not sound bad to say that it has been a comfort to know that there are other people out there who are in the same place as me (as sometimes it feels like I am the only one!), although I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I am blessed with lots of good friends and a loving family and partner but I don't have anyone in my life who is in the same boat as me so it will be good to be part of this board - if you will have me 

Love to you all
Pipkin


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Welcome Pipkin, pull up a chair and grab a cuppa... or maybe a glass of wine? I don't know when you'll get to read this  

I am so sorry to hear about what you have endured... life is so cruel sometimes, and I often wonder why the nicest people have to go through such crap. I'm really glad you felt you could post here and say hello to us.

Sending you big   and hoping you get as much support from being here as I have had over the past months since my last tx last year.

Love,
Emcee x


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Thanks for your welcome Emcee.  

I have 'come home'!

Hope your leg gets better soon ... see I am paying attention!
x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hey there pipkin!

You'll probably have noticed that I'm also pretty new to the thread, so we can be the new girls together!!!!!

It goes without saying that I wouldn't have wished for you the things you have been through, but now you are here, I know you'll take comfort as I do from this marvellous place!!!!!!!


Can you make our potential meet? (See the Come on Girls post)

Big love, Leoarna xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Pipkin
Firstly welcome to the thread...It takes alot of strength to even post on this board!!!
When i first came on FF, i just looked at this thread, but like you i never posted for a while..
When eventually i plucked up the courage, it was in a way a strange and surreal situation, but i also felt relief. I couldn't beleive that i was actually posting on this thread at all. But its not so scarey, its just about making a different move at this moment in your life. I am glad that you have found that you are not alone and also got something from the posts on here..I can genuinely say that everyone on here is so supportive and genuine, that i am really really glad that you made this move. We are here to support and help each other through this journey..Its also a place that you can take time out and just gether your thoughts...and why not to do it with a fantastic bunch of girls...
I am also very sad to hear about your journey. I am also aware of the fact that you partner went through a very horrific procedure. That also to me shows that you have a very good relationship as you have already mentioned in your post. I am sure that it has brought alot of heartache and disapointment over the years...
As Leoarna mentioned she has recently joined us and Wow she has been great with her input...
Thanks for being brave it takes alot of guts to make decisions and that shows strength of character...
Take care...
love astridxx


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hi, could i please join you thread too, im in a similar situation to you pipkin, just had my last icis cycle which failed (august) need ivf due to husband having vasectomy in first marrage and theres nothing wrong with me! im only 25 so i got lots of false hope from the doctors, (telling me it would def. work ect.)dont realy have anyone to talk to about trying to accept life with out kids as most of my friends are 25 and their not even thinking about having children so ive finaly plucked up the courage to post on here (hope you dont mind)
love lisa x x


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Welcome to you both Pipkin and Lisa.

The first post is always the worst so well done both. I lurked for months before summoning up the courage. Here you'll find loads of support and understanding.

*You really are not alone in this*, there are plenty of people here who really do understand the ups and the downs, the isolation, the dark days and not forgetting what can (eventually) be the pleasure of moving on and the upside to no longer being in "treatment". Speaking personally, I found it helped me along the way and I hope you both do too.

flipper


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Lisa
Welcome!!!
I am so glad of one thing that you can relate to Pipkin....and of course as Flipper said it takes alot of guts to post at first....but when you have done that you will feel at home. And hopefully help you through a very difficult stage of your life...
Keep in there...
So good to have you on here...


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi to Lisa!!!!

Thanks for the compliment Astrid!

Too tired to tell you about the crappy day I've had, but I will say that coming on here this evening has fair cheered me up!!!!!!

You are all marvels!

Leoarna xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Lisa

Big welcome shout out to you as well hon and massive  

So pleased to 'meet' you but so sorry its under such sad circumstances.

Love
Emcee x


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Welcome lisa and pipkin!!! These girls are great!!! they have saved my sanity many times!!


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Here Here!!!


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

thank you all for making me feel sooo welcome, you are all so kind,
pipkin i would love to meet up (are you sure i wouldnt be gate crashing) ill check out the tread later to see where and when it is, im off to egypt next friday so if im back in time id love to go 
lisa x x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hey Pipkin and Lisa

You are definately not gategrashing....You are more than Welcome from Everyone on Here!!
I think it is great that you would like to come and join us..
Like you say Pipkin......'the more the merrier'
Ummmm is it Pims Oclock already

Lisa have a great trip to Eyypt....are you going on the Nile?
You deserve a break..!!!

love astridxx


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hey astrid & pipkin,
if your sure no one will mind then i might join you girls on your meet, im not going to the nile, just a 5* hotel in hurgarda with nothing to do sunbathe and drink cocktails for 2 weeks 
hope you all have a good weekend
lisa x x x


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## karen j (May 19, 2004)

Afternoon Everybod

Hope everyone is ok and a Big hello to Pipkin and Lisa. 
Sorry to hear everything you ladies have been through, but you are in safe hands now.
Its nice to now that if you have a really crappy day, we will all be here to help you through, or even if you want a chat or gossip. 

I've noticed (unfortunately) more and more ladies are joining our site, maybe there are more out there who are reading through our posts and just need the courage to post.

Hope everyone has a great weekend (free to do what ever we want to do!!!!)

Sending   
karen


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I know exactly what you mean when you say its not the end but a new beginning - ok, its not the way any of us imagined life would pan out for us, but you know what, there are good days out there amongst the bad too...

Have a lovely weekend hon, I hope you spoil yourself rotten, you're worth it!

Lots of love
Emcee x


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hi all,
it took me ages to actualy post on here, i even wrote a few messages  but then deleted them before posting    it felt like if i posted on this section then i was actualy admitting that im never gonna have a child and to be honest i didnt think i was ready to admitt that (im still not sure if i am now) you all seem so positve (and wise) and i realy admire your strength, im trying to keep positive and appriciate all the wonderful things i have in my life but sometimes i just feel fake, as if this is how im meant to feal but its not real, does that make sense or have i completly lost it, sorry for going on! hope you all enjoy the rest of the weekend.
lisa x x x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Lisa and Pipkin
I can completely understand what you are saying..
It was like a huge move and saying to yourself 'this is it, it is all over'...
I cannot have a baby and i feel like a failure...
But as Emcee said...it is like a stop gap...Some girls stay here for a while and then plan a new future..
But i like to think that we are all passing through..Whether that is to go on and have a family, adopt or just to find peace within ourselves..
The most important thing is this is a good and safe place to be...and not the end...
But a place that offers support, encourages what decisions you want to make about your future...
And to be with girls who will take their time to support each other..
So its not the end.....its just a stop on the train....but a comforting one....
I hope that makes sense..
I feel like i have a sense of belonging..to be whole and honest...
And i along with everyone else want to support any future decisions that WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!!...
lots of love astridxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

It makes me so sad when I see that people think they have somehow failed themselves or their partners because they were not successful in the having kids dept...

Can I be bold and make a statement here? None of us are failures... I spent so many years thinking I was one when it occured to me one day that actually, I hadn't failed anything... like so many of us here when the going got tough, I got going too and put myself through IVF... we've all been there and done similar, these things we have put ourselves through are bloody hard to do!

Even though we may all feel like the breath has been knocked out of us, to reach a point where you realise that your dreams of having a family may not come to pass in the ways you thought they would, this does not make you a failure... this takes great courage and strength to do this!

None of us are to blame for any of the things that have happened to us regarding not being able to have kids. There is so much more to being a woman than being able to have children, we are all living proof of this! I'll say it again, we are wonderful, beautiful, vibrant beings with so much to offer each other and the world around us. Yes, not being able to have kids is a HUGE thing in our lives, and its not something I would wish upon my worst enemy! But it doesn't mean that we should feel that we failed anyone in any way!

We are all winners as far as I am concerned as we have been through so much and have managed to get to the other side (even though we may have felt like we were wading through treacle) because we care, we are so honest about what we are feeling, because we have such empathy for each other, and because we are striving to make some sense of what has happened to us... and by doing that we are helping others who feel the same way and showing them that its actually ok to be feeling the way they feel...

Sorry for going on and on like a stuck record but I feel so passionately about this subject!

With love
Emcee x


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## karen j (May 19, 2004)

Hi everybod

I know this may seem alittle odd , but does anyone ever think that maybe we were put on this earth to do something else in life ( I said it sounded nutty, but in my mad mind it sounded quite resonable!!!).
For one thing if Id had kids, I wouldnt have had the chance to meet caring, sensitive and very understanding girls like you lot.
Life would have probably been alot easier and I wouldnt have learnt ( and still learning ) how to cope with the sh*tty ways we are treated sometimes.
Maybe theres a difficult path that we have to follow and we will not know how its gonna end.
Today I feel strong and I know Im getting stronger, and I am gonna send out BIG POSITIVE VIBES to everyone who shares this post with me.

  
karen


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Karen
I understand totally with what you are saying...!!!
I would love to know the answers, but maybe its already there but we still have to look at our innerself to find it?...As you say meeting good sensitive people like everyone on here is a bonus. And if i am honest i wouldn't want to have missed out on that.....
You have given me some nice vibes today...!! thankyou!!

Astridxx


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hi everyone,
karen i realy do believe your theory, i had a horrid dream at the weekend that i gave birth to a still born, then last night i dreamt that i died whilst in labour and its made me think that maybe im just not meant to have children  after all theres nothing wrong with me and we ve certainly had anough chances to get pregnant so if im meant to have kids wouldnt it have happend by now? i do belive that things happen for a reason ( i wish i knew what that reason was!)
thank you all for your replies your strength makes me so much more positive, joining this thread was the best decision ive ever made 
lisa x x x


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## hellibump (Sep 21, 2006)

I just joined today to the ff my hubby also had a vasectomy in his first marriage he had six kids with her  he had reversal in september of last year and twhen he did the sperm test there were non am "normal" too the ivf through the nhs won't start for me till i was almost 40 and donor we would have to pay privaly for i dont work and money is tight.  i have a disability i am a wheelchair user so leaving it that late
sorry for waffling it was just to let you know i wil be thinking of you
Rosie


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Rosie

I just wanted to say welcome to this place, I am so glad you have found us because we understand what it is like to desperately want kids of our own, and the agony that it is to go through waiting for treatments. Like a lot of the ladies here I have come through the other side of IVF without kids and although life can be hard, it can be good too.

I wish you the very best for the future, although you have such a long time to wait and I sympathise - step kids are hard work too! Hope you stick around with us for a while.

Take care

Emcee x


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Ladies, I have been reading through your thread, trying to get to "know" you whilst Astrid is on her jollies!
Anyway, I just want to say what brave, strong girls you all are and the support you offer each other is second to none!
Hope to get to know you all a bit better.
Love
Tracy
x


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hi all, just wanted to say good bye (for 2 weeks) as im of on holiday in the morning and i doubt there will be internet cafes in the desert,  take care
lisa x x  x x x x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Don't know if you'll get to see this before you go (I doubt it)! But wanted to say hope you have a lovely holiday Lisa, have a great time and 'see' you back here soon!

Love
Emcee x


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## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

emcee, thanks for your message, (i didnt manage to get it before i went away) got back this morning, apart from dh getting food poisioning we had a wonderful time, just what we needed, feel much more positive about the future. hope you are all well, i was just trying to read the new posts, god you girls can talk, ive only been away 2 weeks and its taken ages to catch up, enjoy the weekend
lisa x x x x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hello lisa
I hope that you are feeling alittle more relaxed??...
Are you ok? and that the break helped you to sort out a few things...
Do you mean you never found any intanet cafes in the desert
Yep we are all chatterboxes..ha ha...and i am sure with everyone on this thread, we can also chat face to face non stop...
Well that will be interesting with the meetup...maybe we need to all have 15mins each talking time, to get a word in edges.....ha ha...
Keep in there..
lots of love astridxx


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