# How we finally achieved our dream



## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

I always promised myself that if we were ever lucky enough to have a baby at the end of this emotional roller coaster of infertility & treatment I would write this post (however never did I think we would be so lucky)

We have finally got there and welcomed our beautiful daughter Freya into the world and I can't believe we ever got here!

We fell pregnant without first daughter very easily and wrongfully assumed that when we wanted another it would be just as easy.......how wrong we were!

Secondary infertility is a very difficult subject because onone hand you appreciate how lucky you are to have experienced having a child but on the other the frustrations and upset and not understanding why it is not working again especially as there is an assumption from all that you shouldn't have any problems and the pressure is on not only from friends and family but your child wanting a sibling.

After trying for a child for over a year I had a feeling something was not right, I went to gp but they dismissed us as we already naturally conceived a child and told us to keep trying, eventually after another 6 months they agreed to do some tests but as we had a child we didn't qualify for many (which I totally agree with) but they did basic tests, semen analysis, checked ovulation, scans, etc but they all proved normal but I knew it wasn't. I kept pushing and pushing for a laparoscopy as I knew there was a problem - eventually they agreed and I had a lap which confirmed what I thought that I had severe endo (which I stil believe was caused by my c section but will never know) they removed the endo and I was then told that this would def be the reason we have not been successful and they prescribed clomid and to try again for 6 months......I tried this along with clear blue fertility monitor which always showed I ovulated and yet again nothing not even a hint of bfp!! I Became obsessed and by this point it seemed everyone around me was pregnant or on their second and we were struggling so badly, other than this forum I never opened up to anyone about our struggles I just carried on as normal but inside I was becoming so depressed and was starting to think this would never happen for us.

At times I would remind myself how lucky we were to have our daughter but then I would get upset that she would never have a sibling which just broke my heart as I'm from a big family.

I started researching treatment when the clomid wasn't appearing to work, one thing I did find was that I always needed to have a back up plan to keep me going so when it was clomid, I researched treatment, then treatment I researched adoption my head was a mess!!

Anyway without telling my husband as he was still optimistic since the lap that naturally it would work I researched treatment and quite quickly knew we would g be able to afford/justify it. I was devestated but then through this forum I saw egg share (had never heard of such a thing) and suddenly I had hope I was like a different person suddenly excited and optimistic know all I had to do was convincd dh, who as I thought had his doubts mostly because he didn't understand it but eventually he agreed to come for consultation and be open minded.

After months of research we narrowed down to two clinics manchester fertility as it was closer and lister as it had good success rates and was only 75 which seemed far too good to be true. In the end although I filled all forms in and spoke numerous times to lister we opted for mfs, it just made sense although was going to cost much more at 850 it was closer so easier with a shall child at home also the clinic was brand new and they made is feel so welcome and we were very impressed. So mfs it was! My dh felt at ease and agreed it was the right step for us.

Looking back the above was the easy part this is when the journey really began.........

To egg share you need to fit a certain criteria and have numerous tests which you have no idea whether you will be eligible this was hard for a control freak like me to understand. Firstly the basic criteria family tree, weight, previous gyna history, etc luckily this was fairly straight forward until we hit our first stumbling block on the routine scan it showed I had severe pco without the syndrome and they were alarmed that nhs missed, I was so angry as it could very well be what has been wrong the whole time but this anger passed as mfs assured me it actually made me a better candidte for egg share as I would likely have high amh and respond well so on this basis they were happy for us to continue to the next step......

We then filled all the paperwork and sent off our bloods this seemed to take forever to come back I was told 4 weeks and called the clinic on week 3 to be informed that the lab had lost some of my bloods so they needed to be resent another set back eventually after 8 weeks we got the call to say the bloods were back and were all ok we needed to then wait for consultant to sign everything off before we could be matched! I used to email/call the clinic daily I'm sure they were fed up with me but they never once made me feel like a pest - eventually it all got signed off and we then went through the next waiting game to be matched this was worse as it could take a day or 6 months there was no guarentee, at first I used to check my phone hourly but as the weeks passed (it was only a few but felt forever) I was getting so stressed again so we decided to go on holiday and whilst away typically we got the best call ever we had been picked we were both so excited and couldn't wait to start.

We retuned from holiday and had a meeting with consultant and egg shre coordinator I didn't know what to expect it was at this appointment we were given all out drugs and shown what to do it all felt so surreal but exciting I was convinced it would work I was very positive but never could I predict what a roller coaster ivf is

We started with northisterone and my af was meant to arrive when I finished the tablets but true to form to me this did not happen, I was so upset we already had a set back I was worried cycle would be cancelled but eventually 5 days later it finally arrived and we could start, the injections were not too bad my dh actually really enjoyed playing doctor and doing them which I am so grateful for as I could never do them, we got through the cycle fairly easy the scan always showed positive and looked as though I responded well, we became experts and I was quite relaxed until my last night of injections I will never know how we both forgot but it was a Friday night and we decided to go out after work for dinner, we had just ordered when the look of shock came over us both we had forgotten the injections and were 40 mins from home we both rushed home I cried the whole way thinking if was all ruined, once home things went from bad to worse when we opened the last injection we saw the sterile water had broken! In a total panic my dh called out if hours and nurse was fantastic calmed us down and said it's fine to use water from trigger and not to panic if it was late. I felt a little better but still could not help thinking cycle was ruined!!

I dreaded ec as I really thought because of that it would fail, we stayed over the night before as had to be at clinic for 6am I remember being so nervous. It was all very calm, it always was at clinic I strangely used to enjoy being there never felt stressed the smell was always the same (new as it was a new building) we were taken down to our room and prepped for ec, I was put under heavy sedation so don't remember any of it but when I woke up I felt good it was like I had a great sleep I was given cup of tea and biscuit and we had to wait ten mins for lab to confirm how many eggs this felt like a lifetime you worry if you get any, then enough to share and then what quality they are. The consultant came in and told us the great news after all the stress we got 18 eggs so 9 each I was estatic for both me and recipient and felt hopefull we went home around an hour later and we were both very optimistic but anxious to hear how they fertilised. 

I didn't sleep much that night and got up early waiting for the call. At 8am we got the call they all fertilised and were doing great it was a huge relief so much so i decided as I felt fine to go back to work to keep me preoccupied, each day I got excited/anxious about the call from the lab but every day they sounded so positive and wanted to go to blast with them all which was amazing. I could not believe how well the cycle had gone and now just wanted egg transfer to take place.

On the day of egg transfer we were told it was a ten min procedure so given how easy ec was we decided to take our daughter as we had no other childcare, she came with us she had been to the clinic a few times so was familiar with the staff they were all great with her and she had no idea what was going on however because she was with us dh had to stay in the waiting room whilst I had et which at the time did not phase me but then everything went wrong

I was very calm it was just like a normal scan, they showed me the embryo on the screen, we had 5 to chose from and apparently quality was similar so they decided which one, they then went to the lab to load the embryo and then in was told to watch the screen and I would see a flash, the consultant came back with the embryo I watched the screen and after a few mins I knew something was wrong she then went back to the lab and for what seemed like forever no one told me anything (it was prob only two mins) she then came back and told me I had a tilted uterus so the catheter would not work they put embryo back in the lab and were going to try again with a better catheter. They reloaded the catheter and this still seemed a struggle but eventually I was told it had been put back but I never saw this flash they spoke about.....I was devastated especially as I was on my own but I held it together, we all left clinic and I explained to dh in the car it all went wrong he thought I was over reacting but called the clinic to speak to the consultant who agreed it was a difficult transfer but that they got there eventually and not to worry about the flash! How could I not they told me to look out for it and now tell me it's not important I couldn't help but be negative how could such a good cycle now end like this??

For the dreaded 2ww I tried to stay positive and constantly going to toilet to check for af and also symptom spotting but had no idea whether it worked or not, I tested every day and at first bfp from trigger then bfn every day I told myself it was better to test every day and that I could handle it but actually I think it made it worse. I just knew it hadn't worked and then it was confirmed 14 dpt my af arrived I was devastated I felt like such a failure, I was angry with myself with the clinic with events I can't explain how low the next few weeks were I have never suffered with depression but I believe the next few months I certainly suffered it. I couldn't talk about it, I would get myself so upset thinking about it but I finally decided I needed a new focus and I found one.........adoption

Adoption is something we had always considered as my dad is adopted I began researching on websites this forum, magazines, tv shows it was my new obsession I had decided I could never endure treatment again I never wanted to feel as low as I did but finally adoption felt right it felt like something we see destined to do, I approached lots of agencies but they all wanted 6 months between failed tx and applying this was a welcome relief as we decided to enjoy life again, we drank wine again, we went on holidays were were like new people finally looking forward to  the future and a path that we were on charge of instead of the uncertain path of treatment I felt in control again and so happy to be thinking we can complete our family and help a child at the same time, in some ways I had wished we had done this first.

Nearing the end of our 6 months me and dh were out on a date night enjoying ourselves having one too many glasses of wine when he dropped the bombshell that he thinks we need to give treatment one last shot now whether it was the wine talking I will never know but surprisingly I just agreed, after being adamant that I would never do another round of treatment and being so positive about adopting this was a real surprise, we both agreed we would finally have that follow up where they discuss the failed cycle and take from there.

We both woke up with sore heads but still agreed we needed to at least have that consultation. I immediately emailed the clinic before I changed my mind, not expecting a response as it was a Sunday we talked no more about it but then I got an email from clinic happy that we felt ready for follow up and inviting us in the following week - I had no expected them to be able to see us so quick.

The next week we went to the clinic I remember feeling sad as it brought back the emotions but I fled it together, we met our consultant and he was so positive even though cycle failed I remember him staying they don't see the cycle as a failure as I responded very well and got to transfer and apparently that's a good thing he also said it's rare to work on first round wtf I had been through all this and they expect it to take a few rounds. I finally picked up the courage to ask about our recipient and was told it worked for them, I was happy not only because it meant the cycle wasn't a complete failure but it showed my eggs were good enough this along with consultants positivity gave me the courage to do it again!

We discussed our best option as we had 4 frosties but we agreed with consultant to try a fresh cycle again as I explained my concerns with et he agreed it wasn't ideal but this time they know what to expect with my body so will use correct catheter to begin with. We decided to go for the fresh cycle and egg share again. It was so much easier this time, no waiting for bloods I was put back in that day to matching and even better we were told it was half the price as we didn't need all the screening tests. So basically I went for follow up and undecided what to do and left agreeing to go through again and was already put in to be matched.

Given it took a few weeks to be matched last time, this time I didn't chase I decided I needed some time to get my body ready if I was going to do this again I wanted to do everything I possibly could to make it work. With the help of this forum and sme amazing ladies on here I learned so much and pretty much changed everything so here goes

First thing I tested for Greek test which tests ureplasma and chlamydia I sent my af blood away and waiting for the results which came back positive for ureplasma and I was prescribed a 30 day course of antibiotics for me and dh!

Serum in Greece were amazing even though I was not their patient they were so helpful asked about my previous cycle and advised the following - take resveratol to calm the endo (got this from holland and barratt) they also suggested to test for nk cells I was booked to see prof in Coventry for this but then I got matched so thre was no time so I decided to treat empirically and serum helped me with this, they wrote me a prescription for steroids and clexane so I started this cocktail of drugs. At times I wondered just what lengths I was going to but as it was my last shot I was giving it my all!! 

I was on the same protocol as last time with icsi only change was endo scratch which killed but both serum and mfs recommended so I went with it.

Treatment this time was just as easy the injection part never bothered me I also seemed to respond well again and had lots of follicles, went in for ec which was just as calm but this time I only got 9 eggs I was gutted how could this be after everything new I had done both dh and consultant reassured me we still had some so I should be positive but I felt a failure why had a gone through all this again for nothing! I cried and cried the next day the call came only one had fertilised I was so upset I couldn't understand I remember being sat in the car when I took the call ready to go to a child birthday party just being so upset and our daughter asking what was wrong to which I had to snap out of it. They wanted me to do day 3 transfer as no reason to go to day 5 but I didn't even want to transfer I was adamant there was no point. Dh even rang clinic to see if we could use frozen ones as there was no point in continuing with this cycle they reassured him and said this one embryo looked perfect and we would be silly to not use.

I eventually agreed and we went for et next day this time without child so dh could come in with me, he reminded them we had difficult transfer and I was pleased it was my consultant that was doing the transfer, they told us the same about the flash but this time it went perfectly (the only thing to go right) and I saw the flash!! 

I didn't test at all this time I held out and after doing it both ways this is definitely the best option I've got to say I felt no different no more or less symptoms but then on 8dp3dt I cracked and tested and it was bfp! I couldn't believe it infact I didn't believe it I became a poas addict and done it every day until otd each day was still bfp.

I still didn't believe it so paid for private bloods which confirmed pregnancy I then worried about everything from ectopic to molar etc I then had bloods done again 48 hours later to confirm they were rising which they were. We were ecstatic but couldn't enjoy it as it really was against all odds.

The wait for a scan was unbearable I went for one at 6 weeks and it confirmed a heartbeat but they said it's still very early I then went for weekly scans I can't begin to tell you how many scans I have had but each time everything was fine, I sticked with steroids and clexane until 12 weeks and then panicked what would happen if I stopped but everything was fine.

I can't say I enjoyed my pregnancy I kept expecting something to go wrong but it all went fine I continued with reassurance scans and then at 35 weeks I have birth to our beautiful baby girl freya we are still I'm hospital but she is doing amazing and our world is complete

I am sorry for such a long post it's been very emotional to put it all in words and makes you realise how lucky and strong we are but I'm hoping it also gives reassurance to anyone who is going through the same

If I can be of any help to anyone or advise anyone please do not hesitate to contact me whilst I am no expert in comparison to some of the ladies on here I have learned a lot and hope that I can help others

Xxx


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## Fay2410 (Jan 20, 2015)

Harper - What a lovely story. I have been reading whilst at work and it really had cheered me up - congratulations on your beautiful daughter!! How amazing!   

Fay xx


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Thanks Faye hope I didn't bore you I started writing and then couldn't stop it felt very therapeutic but if it helps just one person stay positive then it's worth it 

X


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## Fay2410 (Jan 20, 2015)

Not at all, was very interesting to read!! 

How was your labour and birth? Did you have a natural delivery?? Oh and how heavy was baby Freya? 

I loved my labour, it was the best day of my life! The pain is soon forgotten about isn't it! xx


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

I had a c section so can't really comment still feeling a little sore Freya was fine and weighed over 5lb so good weight for 35 weeks 

X


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## Fay2410 (Jan 20, 2015)

AW bless you! As long as mum and baby are ok and yes a good weight for 35 weeks!

x


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## bevvy82 (Jan 15, 2015)

Hi Harper,

I really enjoyed reading about your journey....its helped me loads as im still at the 'waiting to be matched' stage and had no idea what happens next so your post has been really helpful.

Im so glad that after having such a heartbreaking start to your journey, you now have your happy ending 

Hope little lady is doing well and hope you are recovering from your C-Section 
xxx


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## emjay02 (Sep 19, 2014)

Harper, thank you for sharing your story! I could relate to so much of it, especially the beginning. Wanting a sibling for your child and having to deal with the constant pressure and questions from others, as if you haven't been thinking about it 24/7! It really does give hope to others out there who are struggling with this whole IVF/Egg Share journey, myself included. Some days I feel like we will never get there, and am to scared to hope for fear of another disappointment. But then I read a story like yours and know that there are people out there who have experienced just as many setbacks, have overcome them, and are now holding their beautiful child(ren). I can only hope that we are all as blessed. 

Enjoy every minute with your baby daughter.

xx


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Em jay I'm glad my story can help honestly we have had so much disappointments and set backs and times where I never thought this dream would be a reality but we persevered and against all odds it worked in the end

Keep strong, keep preoccupied & have back up plans and you will get there I promise as hard as that is to believe because I would never have believed it possible but I am proof of that

Wishing you every success on this difficult journey

Xx


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Hi Harper,

A bit of delay reading your thread but I would just like to first of all congratulate you and your family, and secondly, thank you for sharing your story.

I'm not quite sure about my journey YET. But I have been thinking about egg sharing, should it come to be that we need IVF. Please can you advise me, what do they test for and what would stop me from being able to egg share?

Thanks
Barky
x


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## bevvy82 (Jan 15, 2015)

Hi Barky,

We have a thread for egg sharing going on this site.

feel free to join us, we are all at different stages of egg sharing so sure we can answer all your questions 

the link is http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329499.1310

xxx


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