# sperm donor questions



## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi there

A bit of background on me - i am 34 (35 in july) and am a single lesbian embarking on this scary, stressful but wonderful journey of ttc on my own. 

After months of things moving slowly, having initial blood tests etc (all normal), i have had my appt with Dr McVeigh at the Manor Hospital (Oxford). All looking good for IUI, quite possibly with clomid and at my appt on 11/05, he told me that we could be looking at starting first cycle in july/august. 

had appt with counsellor on 21/05 - went well, as far as i could tell and she told me to contact the nurse at the hospital in 2 weeks (from day of appt) to make another appt to discuss matching a sperm donor to my characteritics etc.

if there is anyone in oxford also being treated at the JR, would you be able to answer my questions below:

1) From the appt with the counsellor; how long it take to have the appt to discuss donor sperm matches?
2) how long did it take to find a sperm donor?
3) how many did you get to choose from?
4) if the first try doesn't work, do you use the same sperm for the next try?
5) how much info do you get about the donor? 
6) Do they test/assess if there are any genetically/hereditary ilnesses/conditions in the donors family or do they only ensure he doesn't have any STD?

Sorry for so many questions, thanks in advance for taking the time to read and answer. 

I've posted the same on the singles section and i'm gonna post the same on the one where i normally post on - oxfordshire. Hopefully, i'll get some answers to reasure me/clarify things for me and hopefully my stress levels will go down a bit!    


Thanks 

Gini x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi i cant answer your questions but Misspie has just got a referal appointment for JR but i dont know if she is going to have her IUI there or just some tests etc im sure she'll be along soon! 

Good luck and lots of  

Em x


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Gina, 

I'd be really interested to hear someone answer your quetions. 

We too have our first app at JR with Mr McVeigh on the 29th June and can't wait.

We have all our other blood test results and are available for them to use.

Can you advise what we can expect from the first appointment and how come you had to see a counsellor?

Lorna

xxx


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## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi

Em - thanks a lot for that 

Lorna - At the first appt, Dr McVeigh asked me a few questions about me (doing that on my own) and then my cycle. We discussed my test results and my options, success rates etc. he answered my (many) questions with a lot of patience   

He told me that there is a legal requirement for me to see a counsellor; i think it might be because i am single though the counsellor i saw on 21/05 gave me the impression she sees couples too (gays and straight). we discussed things like going back to work or not afterwards, support, implications of using donor sperm, what to tell the child, when etc 

he told me that after seeing the counsellor, i needed to wait a couple of weeks and make an appointment to see the nurse to start discussing matching donors. 

i hope this helps a bit; feels quite nice to be in the position where i am answering questions rather than asking  

just one last thing; I found Dr McVEigh really lovely, nice and patient - would defo recommend him. 

Gini x


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## Guest (May 25, 2009)

Hi Gini

We have a beautiful little boy conceived through DI x 2 and DP is currently having IVF with the same donor (see my profile info below)

Firstly can I just say you are in fabulous hands. We first went to the JR back in November 2006 and we cannot fault them since - the work they do is just amazing and they are such a friendly and supportive team. I'll try and answer your questions:

Things moved very quickly after our first appointment with Dr McVeigh and the first DI cycle was in january 2007.

With regards to donors - there were only 2 back then and I'm not too sure if the situation is any better. We had no choice with our donor as you and him are tested for a virus that a lot of us carry and don't know. Apparently if you have it but the donor doesn't or vice versa, then there is an increase risk of miscarriage. I didn't carry it but one of the donors did so that was our choice made.

Our donor donated in 2004 and the law now is that he can create 10 live births from ten couples or individuals, as yourself, but each couple can then have as many siblings as they want. I know our donor has 'made' 5 girls and 5 boys so now he cannot be used for anyone else but DP and I are using him now for a sibling birth. BUT he cannot be used indefinately and has to be destroyed after 10 years ie. 2014. Hope that makes sense!! 

With regards to what we know about him - we were told his hair, eye and skin colouring. His education level and job and his hobbies and skills, and also his motivation for donating - his sister had needed fertility treatment and he wanted to return the favour. The fact that he is a nice guy and my son has those genes makes me feel a bit warm inside . The sperm is totally safe re infections as it is tested after ejaculation. The fresh sperm you can buy on the internet DOES NOT have this level of safety as the donors just have blood tests before donating but they may not donate for ages after so you have to trust that they have been safe during that time. I don't know about genetic testing but this did not concern us too much as I believe we all have something in our genes that predisposes us to cancers or heart disease etc. and we can't try and control too many factors.

Hope this helps you a bit and I hope your treatment goes well


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## Guest (May 25, 2009)

PS. Lorna - everyone has to see a counsellor xx


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Thanks for the info Moo.....I'm sure Gina will be pleased! 

Well it certainly all sounds exciting and it's great to know that there are other people who are/have used the JR and very happy and been succesful!

Can't wait to meet the doctor and the team. At the mo we don't have any questions really....any questions you had would be great to share, it might get our mind working on the areas we should be concentrating on.

We would consider importing donor sperm from Europeansperm bank if need be, due to the lack of choices in the UK. But if this would delay things I think we would go with our options here.


Lorna
x


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## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

I can't answer any of the questions specific to JR (but don't really need to after Moo's reply!  ), but just a couple of things about donor sperm (here in the UK anyway, as opposed to buying in from abroad which would give you both more choice, and more info about the donors on which to base that choice). 
At the most basic level, the info you get will be height, hair/eye/skin colour, blood group (including whether they are CMV+ve/-ve, which is what Moo referred to above), whether or not they already have proven fertility (they may not if they are a brand new donor), profession, and I think also educational level reached. Oh, and religion (if they state one). Some donors may also give further info on their interests/hobbies (often v brief list, but it can be an indicator of where they lie on the active vs creative spectrum), and some will include their reasons for donating (not many though in my experience, which is a shame). 
I'm pretty sure that there is no genetic testing of hereditary diseases, but someone who had a family history of e.g. a lot of cancer/early onset heart problems etc. would be likely to be ruled out as donor early on in the selection process (which is v rigorous).
Oh, and if you have repeated cycles of treatment, the chances are that you wouldn't be offered the same donor each time. However, different clinics have different policies, and some have a "sperm reservation" scheme where you pay a fee to be able to use the same donor for a certain number of tries. 
It would be well worth calling up the clinic before your next appointment to find out what their donor sperm supplies are like, and whether buying in your own from abroad may prove to be a better option for you (e.g. if you are told that it will take a long time to match to a donor because there are hardly any available at your clinic, it could speed things up overall to import, even if that will take a little time to organise in itself).

Good luck!


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## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi there

I got a phone call earlier today from someone called Lauren who has booked me for an appointment on 23/06/09. She said that I need to get a blood test done (CVM) which I gather is what both Moo and Nismat are talking about. I will go back to my GP and get that sorted as soon as I am back from my holiday middle of June. She said that on the day of my appt, I will have a scan - didn't ask her what kind of scan nor of what  but i assume it is of my ovaries? is that right? She is going to send me a questionaire which i have to complete and send back before my appointment. We will then start the search for a donor.

I spent some time calculating things at the weekend and with my af being usually around 10 to 13 of every month, i assume that the insemination would be more towards the end of the month. The earliest would therefore be end of july which is highly unrealistic though Moo's experience of going through first cycle 2 months from appt + Dr McVeigh saying July or August makes me think that it could potentially happen. Don;t want to raise my hopes up too much though.

*Moo and Nismat* - thanks so much for sharing your info and experiences with me. Great to know how much you get to know about the donor and how safe things are - I have had a look at a couple of websites where you can get fresh sperm as Moo mentions but I am too worried that things aren't quite as safe. No matter how much i want a baby, i don;t want to put my health nor that of my child at risk for the sake of having a baby quicker. I will therefore see how many donors are a match to me and take it from there.

How do you get about getting sperm from abroad and how safe is it?

*Moo* - hope ivf works for your dp and that you give a little brother or sister to your little boy soon

*Misspie* - I have to say that I am still very impressed with the JR/MAnor Hospital. Annie Lower who is Dr McVeigh's secretary has been an angel; she has been very helpful and communicated via e-mail and phone whenever i had any questions. After my appt with the counsellor who said to contact the nurse 2 weeks after the appt, i emailed Annie and asked her (again) a few questions which she answered very quickly and included the name of Lauren + phone number advising I call before the end of the 2 weeks to make an appt asap. In the meantime, LAuren called without me having to contact her in the first place. She said very quickly that the counsellor had given the go ahead which i was very pleased about. She was really lovely and I am pleased that I have my appt in 4 weeks from today! so far, i can't fault them (apart from the not so nice appt lady for my hsg who was quite rude and not very undertsanding; she is the only one though!).

Questions I asked at my appt were amongst others; cost, timescale, sperm shortage or not, IUI or IVF pros and cons, meds or not (clomid or other) and probably a few others which i can't think of at the moment. I had written a list and ticked them as i asked them which made him smile slightly! If you have been keeping dates of af and length of cycles, i would suggest that you take this info with you as he asked me how regular my cycles were and showed him my list for the last few months . Hope this helps.

Thanks very much to all of you

Gini x


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## dyketastic (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi

We bought our sperm from the European Sperm Bank.  They have a list of open donors that meet UK standards and you get lots of info incl baby photos.  We found them really helpful 

www.europeanspermbank.com

D x



/links


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Dyketastic,

Hows it going have you had your 1st IUI i can see from your signature your last one got abandoned which is rubbish!

EM x


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Gina, 

Thanks for the few ideas. If you think of anymore that would be great.! My mind is a bit blank with it all at the mo and is thinking of work...

Whats a CMV blood test? 

Sounds like its all moving for you now............I'm so excited for you! Try to stay positive, and keep us updated. You'll be back before there before i even get my first appointment! 

I'm glad you are happy so far with the clinic it gives me a good feeling about it all. Just hoping that all inside is working!

Are you house moving too? Lots going on good luck, I hope you get completion date on that!

Re: Sperm, we have also been looking at www.eurospermbank.com and have signed upto it (just ran out) there is loads of information, and we would be willing to use them if need be to speed up the process, if there is a long wait. They have to follow all os the UK guidlines and you can only accept the donoros that are willing to be available to contact after 18yrs of age.
You can get a photo/personality test/heriditery illnesses/voice interview....it's a great read. But is costly to get sent across. But i would gather in the scheme of things this is minimal.

What are you guys averaging costs per IVF or IUI ..... including sperm/consulattions/drugs/blood tests and scans etc ?? 

Lorna
xxx


/links


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## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

CMV is CytoMegaloVirus (I think!). It's a virus that if you've contracted it (it doesn't really have symptoms) will mean that you are CMV +ve. If not, you are CMV -ve. If you're CMV +ve you can use either +ve or -ve donors. However, if you are CMV -ve, the general advice is to use only a -ve donor, as there is a very small chance that you could contract it from the sperm, and while it wouldn't harm you, it could harm a foetus if you did get pregnant.

Re costs, my recent/current cycle of IVF that was converted to IUI originally came in at about £3700 for the treatment (including advance fees for optional blastocyst culture, and for embryo freezing), plus £1600 for drugs (I was on a v high dose though, so this is fairly unusually high. This was the best price I got by ringing round with a private prescription, from the clinic, rather than buying them direct from the clinic which would have cost an extra £1k!  ). However, when we ended up converting to IUI due to a rubbish response, we ended up with a refund of £3000, so the cost for a double IUI (including scans) was £700 (the second insem was £125) plus £52 fee to HFEA (HFEA fee for IVF is double that). We already had sibling sperm so no cost factor there for us (or not a current cost anyway, already paid that one off the credit card!).

*Frenchy*, glad you're getting such good treatment from JR. The scan is of your ovaries and uterus, and will be an internal scan (using the so-called "dildo cam" - it's a bit like a fairly thin vibrator  ).


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

Nismat - Dildo cam!


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## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

hello 

D - thanks a lot for that; I have had a quick look but am going to have a better look in case i need to go down this route. Were you pleased with the service? How long did it take? 


Lorna - thanks a lot for your kind words; fingers crossed everything works well for me and for you and dp too! re the cost, Dr McVeigh said £1000 for IUI (includes everything; we talked about me taking clomid and that would be included too apparently) but for IVF i seem to remember that he quoted £4000 to £5000; a lot more!! thanks for sharing re eurospermbank; will have a proper look at the site a bit later.


Nismat - thanks a lot for the explanation re CMV test. It's a bit freaky thinking about having a virus - viruses usually are bad news so bit weird about possibly having it! how come your second insem was so much cheaper than the first one? Do you mean second iui/di or second insem within same cycle - Dr McVeigh told me that at the JR they insem you twice in the same cycle and that it is all included in the same cost of £1000 for the iui. is that your experience? where are your having your tx? Thanks for clarifying about the scan - heard about the term of dildo cam; quite funny! 

thank you all so much for all the info and for sharing your experiences - that's really useful! 

Gini x


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

Gini - re number of inseminations - DP had 6 lots of IUI and a couple of times they did 2 inseminations purely because they would treat her when they thought she would soon ovulate and then we would go back a day or 2 later and her cycle would be playing up again and she still wouldn't have ovulated and they would inseminate again.

IVF is soooooo expensive - we had to pay out another £600 for more drugs as DP didn't respond very well to the stimulating drugs and we had to buy more and continue for an extra week. I do so hope IUI works for you as it's so much easier and less stressful


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## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi Moo

Thanks for that; i have to say the cost worries me a bit as i am trying to save up as much as possible and if defo only (!) £1000 per iui, i have enough for a few tries initially but my big worry is if iui doesn't work and i have to try ivf. i did consider for a minute having ivf straight away as success rate is much higher; due to my age Dr McVeigh's told me 10/12% for iUI but 40 to 45 % for ivf - with one ivf i would almost have 4 times as much chance of getting pregnant than with iui but then if it doesn't work, what next; wouldn't have enough for 2 ivfs one after the other! so i will be parying and keeping positive and crossing fingers that i get pregnant with iui - i am just not so optimistic when i see the journey of so many on this site. 

anyway, enough stressing for one night; thanks again for the info and the kind words

hope all goes well for you and dp   

Gini x


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## Guest (May 27, 2009)

We had that dilemma too as DP had BFN after BFN.
I think you also have to remember that a lot of men and woman come onto this site because they are having problems ie you don't hear so many of the success stories. I had never even heard of the site when I had my IUI as it worked 2nd time and I didn't feel I needed to look for support from anyone. Now it is a different story with DP, I have felt I need that support and am glad I can give it to others


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