# Letterbox Contact



## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi girls 

Can I ask a question please 

When letter box contact is agreed does the agreement specify any details such as whether there will be a photo included each year?

I understand that once you have adopted the child it is your own choice to do letter box or not and I would definately hope to stick to any agreement I made. However, with all the problems I have read on this board recently about how the photos can be used I am quite concerned about photos being shared in a letter?

Is a photo ever specified in an agreement or is it just your choice to send it if you want to?

Thanks in advance for your replies 

Dame Edna x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Dame Edna,

Yes letterbox is very specific ie when you send it, how often and wether an up to date photo is to be included or not.  With our letterbox there is no photos but there will be direct contact with paternal grandma but we arent going to allow photos.

Letterbox and contact is discussed at the very early stages of a match as the childs social worker will want to know your views on this, it is best to be very clear from the start what you can and cant deal with as the principle of it feels better than the reality and 12 months into placement it can be difficult to start putting pen to paper.

I have just posted my letterbox to bp's this am and it was a very hard letter to write given recent events (********) but I kept it very factual and hope they will gain something from it.

Hope this helps

Dawny
xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi

Forgot to add you will be given a letterbox agreement plan which is signed by all parties involved this can be changed by the adoptive parents over time if they feel it is detrimental to the child and there is not legal obligation from any party to comply with the plan.

Dawny
x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi Dawny

Thanks for that. Do you think you would rule yourself out of the running if you said you would do letterbox but would not agree to a photo?

I'm sorry for the trouble you have had and I agree with you that the reality of actually putting pen to paper could be harder than we think  However, I do think I would deal with letterbox (not face to face though) but just think that photos seem high risk.

Thanks again
Dame Edna x


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## BunBun (Apr 25, 2004)

I think (but don't quote me on it) when you are given details of any potential match that the information regarding contact isn't set in stone. When we 1st found out about ds there were quite a few contacts, each needing different things ie direct contact/indirect contact some with photos & some without. By the time all papers were submitted to court our contact agreement was only to be letterbox with photos to only 3 people and were allowed to enclose photos which are upto 3 months old.


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Dame Edna,

Its a difficult question to answer cos if the match feels right for you and photo contact was in it then you have every right to express your concern  and you may be reassured that it wont be a problem, regarding identity etc I think what a lot of adoptive parents have a concern with (and dont quote me on this) is more if their child was recognised in public due to up to date photos more than what they will do with that photo and then of course that depends on where you are living etc dont let my situation put you off though cos I think it is quite unusual and its not that bad as it was a baby photo not an up to date one I was just more shocked to see it at the time.

From what bun bun is saying that contact can change ours was pretty much set in stone from the onset but each match will be very different - and any sort of contact I am sure would be carefully considered by the s/w.

Hope this helps and good luck in your journey

Dawny
x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

It has been agreed with K's sw/adoption unit that we wont be including photos in letterbox contact letters

As the others say it is something you can discuss with your sw at matching 

xx


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Yes, you are quite right Dawny, it is more about the children being recognised throughout their childhood rather than what the BF would 'do' with any photos that is the concern.  

It does seem a bit odd that SS do all they can to keep your address/identity confidential from the BF and then on the other hand they can encourage the sharing of photos via letter box!   

I will wait and see what happens ..... we need to get past panel first!  

Thanks to all of you
Dame Edna x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

Our contact is letter box once a year and We (me and DH ) said when we would send our letters and when we would accept letters back (which month of the year) the Judge for our children only put in "yearly letterbox" and it doesnt state about pics, we did get asked when we didour BP meeting if we would send pics however at the time declined however have said (to our SW) that we might send a pic next year of the children from this year however will see how much they have changed by then as they have changed alot in the past year.

i dont think photos are a massive thing when contact plans are made by the courts

xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I no longer do contact letters......a long story but when our DS was placed with us, his BM hadn't requested that we do any sort of contact letter, in fact she just wanted to close the door and say good bye,  BUT SWS decided that we should do a letter once a year including a photo of our DS so that she wouldn't regret her decision in the future.  As it turns out it was BM who asked SS to ask us to stop doing them as she didn't want any contact!! Slammed the door shut and it was her decision.

With our DD we were asked to do a letter once a year, like MJ we were allowed to say when this would be and we chose the date she moved in so we knew every year that we had to do this contact letter with photo.  As it turns out her BF moved without leaving a forwarding address which is quite rare for them as they have always passed on their forwading address to SS.  We were then given the choice if we wanted to carry on doing the letters and leave them on SS files and after lots of thoughts we decided to stop But did say if they did get in touch with SS and leave a forwarding address then we would reconsider it.......this was nearly 2/3 years ago now and we haven't heard a thing.

Andrea
x


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