# Just feeling sad



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I always will, I guess, at this time of year. It's coming up to Grace's anniversary and I'm just so sad. Also thinking that I will never be a mum. It's all in the past now, those hopes and dreams. 

Went to a friend's house today and they have two youngsters under the age of three. They are lovely people but I felt like I just couldn't relate to them. I'm not familiar with baby jabs and school nursery choices etc. I felt like I couldn't contribute much. And I know that I have plenty to offer - just doesn't feel that way today. 

I've come to the rather odd conclusion that if I want to keep happy, I'll be mixing either with people younger than me or older than me. This is because I mix with the young crowd when I go to my various groups and activities (most people my age can't spare the time as they are 'bringing up baby' or working like a dog to pay for their offsprings' education). Then there are older people who find themselves with time on their hands cos thir children have flown the nest. I know socially only one couple who are in the same situation as me - all the rest are heavily involved with their broods.

Bernie


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Oh Bernie

I am so sorry you feel so sad   i can't imagine how hard it must be with Grace's anniversary....will you do something to remeber the day? Sometimes just lighting a candle in memory of someone can help   

I know how you feel about being left out of conversations.....its really hard isn't it? but i'm sure you have lots of useful and interesting things to add to conversations  

You have been through so much....i really admire your strength.....i hope you feel better soon 

Luv
Florie x


----------



## meerkatz (May 17, 2007)

Dear Bernie

Im sorry that you are feeling so sad  , just want you to know that you are not alone. I often think about anniversary's such as my failed treatments and m/c which all happened around about this time of year so I can imagine a little of what you are going through.  Be kind to yourself at this time.  I like Flories idea of doing something in memory.

I also know the feeling of not being able to relate to people with young children, I tend to stay away from mothers with young children as it reminds me that I will never be part of that 'club'; at work I shy away from the mother conversations and tend to veer towards the younger and older people who dont have children/have flown the nest, however when the grandparent conversations start to unfold I also make a quick exit...  is there any escape!  

You are a brave strong person and will get through this difficult time, just be easy on yourself 

Take care

Meerkatz x


----------



## Francie (Mar 11, 2008)

Oh Bernie, these aniversaries are so, so hard.  My heart goes out to you, it really does. I hope the day of Grace's anniversary is filled with beautiful autumnal sunshine and that you find a way to spend it peacefully. Remembering her must be so sad and full of bittersweet memories.  But I hope you can also remember how strong you are to keep your humanity and your love for life after all you have been through.


xxxx


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Thanks. Her anniversary is tomorrow. We will take some flowers to her grave. She has a heart-shaped head-stone with a single date - it's so heartbreaking. I remember when we were having it made the woman in the shop kept asking why only one date (I thought that was obvious - I didn't answer her). 

And I do love life. Grace reminds me to be thankful for this life and live it to the full. But tomorrow I will be mourning. No one else in my family remembers - but dh and I always will.

Bernie x


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

I will be thinking of you tomorrow Bernie


----------



## meerkatz (May 17, 2007)

Bernie, will be thinking of you tomorrow 

Love 
Meerkatz x


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hey Bernie

Just to say i hope you are feeling a little stronger and the anniversary went ok  

Florie x


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Thanks everyone. I got through it. 
Bernie x


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Bernie - much love to you. I am sorry I was not able to acknowledge this sooner.
Thank you for honouring us with the memory of Grace and her anniversary.
Much love and huge   to you.
Emcee xxx


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Bernie,

I have been away for ages so I missed your post. I just wanted you to know that even when I am not around I sometimes think of my special friends here, which includes you. In a way Grace has become very symbolic to me as hers is such a beautiful, expressive name and has come to represent something very special about all we have loved and lost. The next time I light a candle for my Toby, (my first and the only lost baby I dared name) I will light one for Grace too if that is OK with you. I light Toby's candle on Boxing Day. 

Love Jq xxx


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

That would be lovely Jq. To think she is still touching people's lives. Her little life did indeed have meaning, not just for me and dh. Thanks.
Bernie xxx


----------



## Jackeen (Mar 22, 2007)

Bernie, I hope you're beginnign to feel stronger today


----------

