# Rock Bottom



## 2ndtimeround (Feb 8, 2012)

Hi.

I think i've hit rock bottom now. The stress of trying for a child and under going all these investigations treatments has almost become too much. Lots of other things going on in my life too. Maybe i should give up and just be grateful for the DS i have.

Yesterday my BF had a huge go at me and i don't know if we'll ever rebuild our friendship. I'm not even sure what it was about as i have tried to be really positive esp as she is pregnant again and tried to assure her i'm fine with it and happy for her. However she had been meeting up with another friend without me who is also pregnant, when we used to meet up the three of us. I had confronted her about it but she said a lot of cruel things and i am really broken about it. She was there at the birth of my DS so she really was my closest friend. I supported her through m/c's (she had 2) and when she was going through a tough time in her marriage. She even introduced me to my DH!!  

Things with my DH have become strained too, he came home and found my crying yesterday (because of problem with BF) and just said "oh whats the matter now"!!! He did apologise afterwards but things weren't good all evening and i went to bed on my own.

I have tried my best to be cheerful, but i can't deny i feel like i'm just getting in deeper and deeper. And then of course small things get on top of you and crush you more easily than usual.

I don't know what to do now.


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Hun, I know that right now things seem incredibly gloomy and irreparable but your feelings are very raw right now.  Time is a great healer.  

Things will get better but I'm of the thinking that things do not just get better on their own.  You have to find a way to make yourself feel better; not right now ... right now, you need to let yourself be sad but when the feelings are not so raw, you need to actively decide that you need to do something to make your situation better for the sake of your marriage and for the sake of your DS and for the sake of an important friendship.

If it means, you go and chat to a professional fertility counsellor, you start a plan to save for treatment, you decide to move on and focus on the good things you have ... you have to decide to not let this take over every aspect of your life.  It'll give you some control in an otherwise "out-of-your-hands" situation.

I know what is was like to feel the utter devastation of not being able to conceive a second time.  And I don't like to think that anyone else is feeling the way I was a while ago.  I know how important it is to feel that you have support.  Let everyone involved calm down and things will seem better soon.


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Hi 2nd I was so sad to read your post just now. I've been off radar for a while with my own feelings and then the flu. I started typing on a post you replied to me on this morning but in my flu haze managed to delete it all at the push of one button rather than posting it and couldnt bring myself to retype it - yes I ave been that lacking in energy!

I think Bubbles gave some great advice though! Think of all the kind and supportive things you've said to me at my low times and try to offer yourself the same support. It's such a shame how keen we are to support others yet so quick to criticise ourselves. I had a huge row with a really close friend last year. Believe it or not it was because I phoned her on her birthday in the evening to say happy birthday - she didn't pick up so I left a message- rather than post it on ******** which she saw I'd been on earlier in the day. It took her three months to tell me this was why she wasn't talking to me! Things are still not the same as they were but we are both working on it and slowly getting our friendship back, oddly after I sent her a long email saying I can't do this anymore, can't keep wondering if you'll get back to me and need to draw a line under it all and move on. 

It's easy to think everyone has what we don't have but maybe if shes had problems with her DH before there is stuff going on there again that is affecting how she is with you. 

Is there something you can do for you in the next 24 hours? Something really pampering and then can you plan something really fun at the weekend with DH and DS? I was dreading my birthday last week - really don't need to be older right now! - but in the end I had a wonderful dy with DH and DS and felt really blessed for what I have. It doesn't take away the need and desire for another child but it was good to feel that lucky for a day!

Thinking of you!   x


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## Jem1978 (May 17, 2011)

Hi Hopefulat

I have been partly where you are and know how much it can hurt. I was very trapped in a cycle of unhappiness caused by infertility and loss which did put a huge stain on my marriage. I felt desperate and very unhappy when i knew i had so much to be thankful for,.... it just didn't seem to help me get out the hole.  Hopeful Helplessness was a good way of describing it. I found counselling to really really help me get through my infertility, IVF and previous pregnancy losses. My DH regularly listened to my feelings/concerns/hysterical outbursts but it never seemed to help me get over my loss. 

Just wanted you to know not to give up hope, the only way is up now when you are rock bottom. Trust me, you can get back there with the right support and help.

Hope you are feeling bit better than earlier. Here if you need anything hun

J x


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## 2ndtimeround (Feb 8, 2012)

How is it my BF and my DH seem to have let me down, but total strangers able to support me so well?!

Perhaps because you have all been through it?!

Thankyou all for your responses. Feeling a little better today and got lots of family time planned for the weekend to take my mind of it. Haven't heard from BF yet but tempted to write her a long letter or email explaining how i feel about everything.

Bublicious thank you so much, sounds like you really understand how it feels and i am so glad to hear that there is "light at the end of the tunnel"!!! I will try to be positive, make plans, focus on whats important and whats good. I just feel like it's one step forwards and two back. I was feeling more positive today but then my sister phones me up and complains about how hard it is having two children and how lucky i am not to have a 2nd yet!! DESPITE her knowing we've been trying for so long and now under going fertility treatment!!!! I tried to be supportive but can'tdeny it hurt.

Hopeful, sorry to hear you've been run down a bit. It knocks you even harder when you're feeling down too. Hope your birthday came and went without too much pain. I'm so glad you managed to enjoy the day and feel blessed. I know the feeling about birthdays, mine approaching in a couple of weeks! Wish i could pause time until i get pregnant haha!

You're all wonderful. Thankyou.


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## Debbienick (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi there 2ndtimeround,

I hope you are feeling abit better now. It is such a hard place to be and people who arent going through it just cant understand a fraction of how we all feel - I think we get an even worse deal because we already have a child / children and i think alot of people (friends / family) think we should just be grateful for what weve got and quit wingeing! 

Sorry that your friend has been unsupportive and you and have fallen out. Maybe she should understand better than some but I suppose its easy to forget how hard it is once you get there yourself, even if you have been through the mill in the process....

And some DHs are a different breed Im afraid - mine included. He cant cope with me getting upset about it and I have had similar reactions in the past to the one you got. I think because they hate to see us upset (because they care about us so much) they end up getting upset with us for being upset! I try not to share it with my DH anymore and put on a brave face. Not saying thats the right thing to do but it helps our marriage... 

It does really help to come on here where everyone knows exactly how you feel and make you feel sane again when you think you are slowly going mad. 

Lots of love and wishing you luck for the future x


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## Hopefulat35 (Jan 28, 2012)

Hi how's everyone doing on here? 
I'm STILL sick   for three weeks now it's been flu, colds, sinus problems and I'm now sick of being sick!
However I've now had two more announcements of second babies so now of three due in September. I feel a bit obsessed with I must be preggers before sept to survive but I've managed not to break down and cry over the last two announcements so I guess that's progress!
We've now got a phone consultation booked with penny from serum on 22nd and a scan and appt with create on 29th so by the end of the month should have a baby making plan to put in to action  
Have you managed to sort things with your friend secondtime?
 to all


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## 2ndtimeround (Feb 8, 2012)

hopeful why don't you live near me?!!? we could be miserable together!!!!   i still have a cold too, i'm sure it's jsut stress and feeling down. going away next week and can't bloody wait, excuse my language but i'm getting so down and fed up with everyone. haven't made up with my BF and that's been hard but i've had a lot else on to try and resolve that at the moment. counting down the days to see the fertility consultant.

debbienick, trying to put on a brave face and be cheerful around DH and DS, and i think it is helping a bit. i do cry on my own but trying to be postive around them. 

hopeful so pleased you got lots of things to look forward to and start planning, that's some really positive steps and can keep you focused!!! sorry to hear about more birth announcements. i heard about another girl at work yesterday, i think that's 6 now and there's only 24 of us!! must be catching, hope i can catch it too!!   

take care chic, keep me updated!!!


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