# someone talk me down...



## sue93 (Jun 14, 2006)

I need to be talked back to reality here and am driving myself bonkers...

I'm 3 days late with AF, tested (with Predictor HPT) 2 days ago and got a decided BFN. No signs of arriving (i normally get 2 or 3 days of spotting beforehand).

I know there's no way I'd be that damn lucky and am just trying to make myself feel better (post-miscarriage, pre-treatment next month, and reeling from the painful announcement that ex's new partner (29 years old) is due around time of my due date - "oh we were't trying it just happened". (how much did that hurt?)

Haven't slept properly for 3 nights (due to ex announcement more than anything - it was one of those painful, never-really-resolved splits) and am now doing that bonkers thing when I'm trying to convince myself the miracle's happened to stop the pain (we've all done it right?).

Have even gone to the lengths of convincing myself that Predictor test not as accurate as Clear Blue and therefore...

someone stop me!

Sue
xx


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## laraboo (Sep 9, 2005)

Dear sue I was so sorry to hear of your m/c and have just read your post I dont know why your af hasnt come it could be a hormonal thing post m/c but please dont be driving yourself mad testing and wondering, test 1 week late then see.
I know you must be feeling like C*** when you heard about your ex parnters pregnancy but im afraid thats life and lifes unfair but try and remain positive and forget about them concentrate on your own situation and stay strong. best wishes
Laraboo


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

I am sending a huge hug to you (((hug)))

When I had my m/c's my AF was all over the place, so as Laraboo says it could be hormonal.

As for you ex, yes it hurts, hurts like hell, but you have to stay strong for yourself.

Love Jo
x x x


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## ladyleo (Apr 26, 2006)

Hi Sue , 
          How much of a B---ch is this life , not only have you had to cope with your sad loss but now you get a double whammy to find out that your ex's new woman is preggers , i know exactly how you feel girl ,when  I split with my hubby of 16 years who had a vasectomy after I had my son ( he didnt want any more kids ) and then he gets remarried has a reversal and within three months wife no 2 is preggers , It hurt like HELL !! not only did I still love him to bits but I hated her with a vengeance , but life goes on and hard as it is for you to handle it just now , you will get over it once you feel a bit stronger in yourself ,sometimes in life it seems that some people are always lucky and everything seems to just fall into place for them ,but I believe that everthing happens for a reason and as my mother always says is ( what doesn't break you will make you stronger ) so dont let this break you and get you down ,your time will come if you keep strong < try and keep positive and look to the future and not the past ,look forward and not back cause it will just drag you down , and you dont need that extra heartbreak right now , take care of yourself and try and keep that chin up , keep smiling  
    Lots of Luv Gail


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## three_stars (Jan 19, 2006)

Dear Sue,
I just logged on for a minute.  Sorry to hear your in a bad state.  Jealousy and pain from ex-partner's something I can really relate to.  
Try to seperate the two.  IF you are PG this will be a joy unto itself and you need not connect it in any way to the pregnancy of your ex.  
I take it this is not your present partner (55) that you mention?  If not, does ne understand what you are going through?  IS he there for you or can you ask him for support.

You are very fragile right now... give yourself a few days before doing another HPT and if still no AF then do a blood test.

Big hug
bonnie


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## sue93 (Jun 14, 2006)

thanks girls - just sometimes you need to let rip dont you? I think half the problem is I didn't try earlier in life as then partner didn't want kids (and in fairness I didn't push it - mainly as I'd been caring/supporting both my parents til their deaths in their 50s and by then (my 30s) I really wanted a bit of delayed teenage behaviour...). When I decided I wanted to try he'd already shown plenty of signs of not being good father (or partner!) material and I honestly hadn't got the faith in him. Doesn't mean I stopped loving him (sadly) but DOES mean I had the good sense not to go back to him.

I'm really REALLY lucky to have found my current partner in time to at least give it a try. And - thank god - he knows all the ins and outs of the ex and is totally supportive and understanding (it works both ways, his relationshipo with his ex also troublesome - we come with shedloads of baggage at our age, don't we?). 

Just got back from walking the beloved lurcher on the seafront and am again able to count my blessings (and stay away from the pee sticks!).

As I type getting af cramps, so once that comes I'll be able to focus on the month after when I'll start tx. 

thanks again girls xx


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## druzy (Jan 25, 2006)

Hi Sue

was just about to reply on the other thread when I saw your new one.  Sorry that you are being given this confusing time, but within one week you will know either way, of course it would be fantastic if something has happened naturally but as the others say it could be hormones after the m/c.  As you get on well with your clinic perhaps you could call them and go there for a blood test which should put you out of your agony either way for sure?  Maybe if things don't sort in the next couple of days?  It's totally understandable that you are in this state of confusion after what you have been through - I would be, (and could well be!) in exactly the same state - I'll be running off for blood tests at the drop of hat I can tell you!

Thanks for your kind message on the other thread too - I'm sorry about your ex partner and everything but like the others say it is worth trying to separate the two things and think of the good things you have now for you.  I also was never in a position to try for a child much before now and sometimes I look back and torment myself about it but you can only do that for so long and like you said on the other thread it's important to look forward and at the positive things we have in our lives now.  However it works out for us life will go on and there will be other good times (including the baby whippet!).  

Excuse me if this is a bad time to mention this idea and it may not be something you want to think about, but one thing that keeps me going through these mishaps is the knowledge that I can go and do donor eggs in spain with a 60% success rate (which I suppose it not 100% but still)......it may not be something that you would consider but for me it helps me think that I am not at the end of the road if the next couple of treatments don't work.  I believe that I could love a child born that way just as much but we all feel differently about these things which is fine.

I saw my existing consultant again on weds and everything is fine and amicable for me to move my frosties to the lister probably start at the AF after the next one which will be end of Oct/beginning nov - so if neither of us get there before then then we may be on the same schedule.  But I'm aware that none of them may survive the thaw or make it to blastocyst....then maybe one more IVF with all the bells and whistles at the Lister in the new year...

Take good care, go easy on yourself and I hope you are out of your state of limbo v soon

lots of love

Druzy xx


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## sue93 (Jun 14, 2006)

hi there Druzy - thanks for your understanding. And also for your mention of the donor eggs. Funny when I read it I thought, yes, ok, but not for me. And I do still feel that way for now - but oddly it has been a real comfort to me to think that if push came to shove and I still feel like this in 6 months time assuming 2 more failed ivfs, then it is at least something we could think about.

DP is deeply opposed to it - and I guess it's always possible that he would point blank refuse even if I came round to it. But somehow I doubt it - I have been astonished at his ability to decide to do something he REALLY didn't want to do - and do it with such good grace and not the hint of sulks or reprisals. Would have been a very different thing with the ex...

I'm so glad everything's gone well at the Lister - and I'm sure you will adapt to the busy clinic environment - they have such a great reputation and I've been really REALLY impressed with the embryologists I've spoken to on the phone from there. Not only obviously know their stuff, but also incredibly pleasant. Which does matter doesn't it? I'm very excited about your train trip druzy - for some reason the image of you, DH and the frosties trundling along on a train together raises a smile for you all. I'll be keeping absolutely everything crossed for you.

thanks again for making me re-think (i've done so much of that over the last 3 years) - i guess it's a comfort to think that at least that option is (maybe) there, and takes the pressure off now (so much for my living child-free and whippet-surrounded... altho I'm not sure I can give up on the baby whippet even if I got the miracle child!)

lots of love - oh, and the AF finally arrived, but - peculiarly - that feels fine. How odd are we?

Sue
xx


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