# IVF for a needlephobic !!



## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

I have had a phobia of needles and veins ever since i was born.  I had manged to get to the age of 30 without ever giving a blood test !!  I had been poorly and taken to give one on many occasions - but when panic sets in i get violent and as strong as an ox.  I was seriously ill when i was 30 and spent £250 on hypnotherapy, which i can confirm has helped to mellow me a bit - although who can say it isn't just age setting in !! I managed to give a few samples and get better !!

At the beginning of this year i had terrible pain in my right lower rib, the doctor embarrassed me and told me it was wind !!!  We had been trying for a baby for about 5 years but my fear of needles had stopped me from investigating IVF.  I went to my doctor when the pain was worse and told showed him the various body temperature charts i had and notes of ovulation etc while i was there.  He immediately referred me to our local gynae clinic.  They then insisted on a series of blood tests and a laparoscamy, my worst nightmare !!  Anyway to cut a long story short the blood tests were awful, I had every nurse in the place fearing my arrival and i managed to call the anesthetist a lying Wa**ker before my operation, they did however discover that both of my fallopian tubes were blocked and beyond repair, one had a small hole and the other was ripe for bursting.  The pain was where the liver was being infected by the horrible gunge oozing around these tubes.  There was no alternative but to have a bilateral salpingectomy to have them both removed.  We felt devastated, You never really know how much you want something until it is taken away from you.  My health had been deteriorating all year and we decided to use my companies private health care scheme to book the op asap.  I was petrified and again had a real rough time, threatened to kill the doctor if he didn't remove the drip and almost broke my mother in laws hand while i had my panic attack !!!  But i got through it....

Then the IVF consultation began, it is two hours for us to get to the hospital, and it seems forever as i know i have to give blood !!  I find out that i will have to give blood at least 10 more times - which is unbelievable, then we find out about the injections !!  I always knew that there would be a lot of needles but i guess it never really hit me until then.  The scan you have makes you feel awful, you have your periods and some strange man is going to fish about in there, its not painful but it isn't comfortable either - it was good to know that everything looked ok apart from the missing tubes !

We went away for the weekend and tried to relax with friends before starting this journey.  All of my friends and family are aware of my phobia and i don't think any of them can believe we are doing it - but i am a very strong willed person and i refuse to let it beat me !!  On our first scan date we go to pharmacy and collect the drugs and i felt like my whole world was caving in - This huge bag of needles and pens all for me, my husband had been taught how to administer them as there is no way i can even look at one let alone use it!!.  We decided that i lay on the bed, put a pillow over my head and squeeze the headboard to get through them.  The first night was dreadful - I don't think anything can prepare you for it, my consultant told me that it was like a bee sting...  who the bloody hell sticks their leg out though to be stung !!!! It felt like my leg was on fire - i don't know who was the most nervous, me or hubby.  I did feel a great sense of achievement though, 1st one done !!!  We have continued through our method of the morning injections, because my husband works shifts i have been getting up at 5am to be jabbed - not nice !!!  I have now nick named him Eric bristow as i reckon he is practising his dart through on me !!!  I give myself little goals - after each one i count down how many i have left to do, it works for me! 

Last Wednesday we went for our down regulation scan, I was very chuffed with myself for getting this far, it has been hard and there have been days where i have cried and not wanted to do anymore - my hubby is a no nonsense man though and just jabs me before i have a chance to back out!! The blood test was awful, I couldn't do it and had to wait for a room where they could lay me down which gives me time to panic !!  It hurt like hell and i sobbed all the way through, i cant let them touch my veins that is what starts me off, when we came home i still felt like i had the grand canyon of a hole and had to get hubby to re-plaster it !!

When we started the Gonal F pens on Thursday i was petrified, I cannot stand the click that is made as it reminds me of giving blood and the changing of viles !! My husband put his ipod on for me and i listened to music with my pillow over my head and hanging on to the headboard for dear life !!!  The next thing i remember is him lifting off the pillow ALL DONE !!!  I cant believe i didn't feel it !!  Since then though i have felt all of them !!!  

Every injection is harder than the first, they sting more, i am more apprehensive every day and the sleepless nights with worry arent helping !!!  I am finding it even harder knowing that the 1st thing i do every day is get a jab and the last thing i have to look forward to is a jab !!! 

We have been for our first scan today since stimulation began,  I have spent the whole weekend worrying about over stimulation, blood clots, blood tests, will they pull the plug, am i ok, will we get through this, what happens if we have to do it all again, can i do it again ??  hundreds of things in my head and then 5am alarm goes off - i feel like i am travelling to my doom - another blood test today - the hole hasnt closed from last time yet !!!

Scan shows follicles are progressing and i have 11 of them at 0.7mm, next is the blood !!  The nurse clocks her eyes on me and her face says it all "Its a monday morning!!  I don't need this !!!"  she is friendly though and as there are no beds available she is very apologetic that we must do it sitting up - I have three or four failed attempts and its very frustrating for all concerned, I know i have to buck my ideas up and get through it - but it is so hard and i am so frightened - I know there is no hole left, I know it only hurts for a bit but unfortunately i cannot stop the panic.  Phobias are very strange to understand, I am an IT manager and not stupid at all but my head tells me that i have a large open wound in my arm and it doesnt matter what i do i cannot seem to stop that feeling, I am much better than i used to be but every one i give is such a major achievement for all concerned !!

I know that egg collection will be soon and i will be forced to have a needle in the hand - that is my biggest fear and problem, I have already started to wind myself up over it and am desperately trying not too - but the more i try to forget about it the more it panics me !!!  

I have now had 19 injections and 3 blood tests though which is something that i never thought possible, I know people think i am mad, and i am aware that the blood taking continues once pregnant but it surely will be worth it in the end !!!  I think the worst feeling for me at the moment is what if we are not successful - I will have gone through this and there is no guarantee that we will be pregnant at the end, but i would like to thank all the people who have made this chance possible before us - without the research and people who believe in what they do - someone like me would have no chance of a child at all - at least i have that opportunity now and i am taking it with both hands !!
We talk every day about not getting our hopes up - but it is hard - you can not and do not want to believe that someone like me who is petrified of needles and has the guts to "step up to the ockey" as my hubby says, can go through all of this anguish and it not work.  I have so much respect for all of you who are going through this too, good luck and best wishes to everyone trying at the moment xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Good luck did you go to hypnotherapy before you started for a refresher?  I went to 3 sessions and found it helped, I had the same needlephobia, but I chose to not use the autoinjecter and the needles on their own as I felt I had more control.

Also have you used the EMLA or Ametop local anaesthetic cream for the blood tests so it doesn't hurt as much.

Well done and think positive
L x


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## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

Hi there ~ welcome to FF 

I've moved your post here as no-one can reply to you on the diary thread 

You've done so well to face up to your phobia and go for it hun..... and i really do hope that it's successful for you.

Much luck and babydust, Lizzy xxx

ps why don't you join the cycle buddies......here's the link for you:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=54.0


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## Minow (Aug 2, 2005)

My poor love, there can be no doubt that you do have a major problem. None of us enjoy the injections I am sure but it is an end to a means as far as I am concerned and I know I am lucky as I don't have any fear of needles at all. (mind you I didn't have a scan for 10 years so that has been my hurdle to get over....now after so many goes I don't even think about it)
The thing is, you have done very well to get this far and you will get through this. If your desire for a baby is strong enough then you will cope...you have no choice but to cope. I do think however that this is something you should talk to a doctor about as this is no way to get through life. You cant go working yourself into sucha  state when you are pregnant and need blood to be taken. There are professionals out there who can help with phobias and i really think that you should ask your docotr about it.
I have a phobia which one would think in no way affects my treatment but in a small way it has. My phobia is of peas. i can hardly type the word, let alone say it or look at one and I have never eaten one. I won't bore you with the phobia as you know well what effects it can have on you but I have had to overcome it a little because of my treatment. I am a vegetarian with a dairy allergy and so I have to work very hard to get enough protein in my diet. We are all advised to drink milk and even have protein drinks which of course I can't but I have found a vegan protein drink. The trouble is it is made of pea protein. I have had to cover the label and it takes me the whole day to pluck up the courage to drink it. To begin with I would shake and be physically sick as I tried to drink it but you know if it is going to get me nearer to my dream I will over come it and I do now drink it.
This is a difficult road for us all my love and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in finding it hard. We all have our own demons we have to deal with but that end dream of a baby...not just a baby but YOUR BABY in your arms is what is going to get you through this. You have done so well so far...keep going!
Good luck.
Minow x


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Dear Acbiccy,

I could have written a lot of your post myself. It sounds like we have a similar history of needle phobia. 

I've had hypnotherapy as well but I have to say that advice my GP gave me has been the best. I use EMLA cream to numb the skin before an injection. It is a novacaine cream that you put on and then use a tegaderm patch to cover the cream. Leave it for about an hour then remove patch and wipe cream off and injections are much easier. I use it for blood tests and for when I went for egg collection (for the canula in my arm/hand). Ask your GP or clinic about EMLA cream. You can get it from prescription or I have heard you can buy it without prescription from Boots. More info here: http://www.expresschemist.co.uk/EMLA-Cream-Pre-Medication-Pack.html

Here's a general info site about Emla. http://www.emla-us.com/facts/

You can also use a cream called Ametop and here's a link to that as well. http://www.expresschemist.co.uk/Ametop-Gel-1.5g.html

I can say with my hand on my heart KNOW how awful you feel and if there is anything I can do to help please let me know. It's hard and I don't think I will ever get over my phobia but I've learned to live with it and not have it take over my life.

Good luck,
Almamay

_This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.UK or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites_


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

p.s. Don't suffer alone.  You've made a huge step coming here and posting.  Keep up the amazing progress that you have made.


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi ACBICCY

Well firstly a BIG pat on the back for getting this far!! You are so brave.  True phobias are a funny thing and unless people have experienced it themselves it can often seem ridiculous.  Indeed, it is ridiculous, it's irrational, hysterical and completely unwarranted but it's real to you and I understand that hun, both as a counsellor and as someone who has suffered a severe phobia in the past, which I have more or less overcome, although at times of stress I still revert back to type! 

Hun, stress exacerbates phobias and there isn't anything more stressful than IVF even for people who dont mind needles, so to have got this far is a real achievement and you should give yourself a BIG reward for doing that.  The counting down technique you describe I find particularly helpful I use that myself.  There are other coping techniques which you could also be taught and I would recommend asking your GP to refer you to a Community Mental Health Nurse.  Dont worry, I'm not suggesting you're mad or anything of the sort, but hun this must be a living hell for you and my phobia was brought about following a car accident and I was referred to a CMHN and she was fantastic, she taught me all the skills I now use so that my phobia doesn't rule my life.  Unfortunately I cant teach them to you because they require face to face contact!  If your GP is reluctant suggest he tries taking some blood and then perhaps he'll be more keen when you've pinned him up against the wall by his tie!! 

Get this sorted now hun, hypnotherapy may work, but phobia management through mental health services definately will.  Even if you are lucky and you get a BFP you cant live the rest of your life chick in fear that you may need blood.  Furthermore if you dont get it sorted, you will doubtless impart this fear onto your child!

You are so brave and I am full of admiration for you.  You will be fine during egg collection and  you will get a BFP!  

Take Care

Amanda xxx


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Hi Acbiccy,

Me again!    

I totally agree with Mandy that talking to a phobia expert really helps.  I think it is more of a long term solution.  I only suggested the EMLA and not talk therapy (or support as I call it) because it is something you can do now and it really really helps.  I've suggested it to a lot of women here on this web site and they have reported back to me how much the EMLA cream can help, especially when dealing with a phobia of needles.

  Hi Mandy.  Good to see our FF angel looking after us!  

Almamay


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## Nicki W (Nov 1, 2006)

Hi!
You do have to overcome so much to get through ivf injections so congratulations that you are doing so well already .  As an anaesthetist myself I would recommend Ametop if you can get it as it works quicker than EMLA.  EMLA is not always recommended in adults as it shrinks the vein and can make it more difficult - hence you often find people who take blood slightly against it.  It is better for a nurse or anaesthetist to mark where your veins are roughly before it goes on.  If you are lucky (I hope!) and get pregnant then you must make sure  you don't miss any blood tests as this will only increase your risk.  As long as people are aware they should be able to help you through it.  I will forgive you for what you said to the other anaesthetist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take care
Nicki W


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi, Just wanted to wish you well for the rest of your IVF journey - if you want it enough it's amazing what you can put up with!

I had a complete phobia myself about hospitals, injections, blood - to the extent I'd feel faint/faint visiting people in hospital! Not very comforting for the person you're visiting!  

Unfortunately this meant we delayed getting our problems investigated early on. Having been told we had a problem with hubby's fertility when I was 30 I struck my head in the sand (should have been an ostrich) and thought ok "what will be will be" ...at least til a really good friend of mine got pregnant and I realised the old body clock had started ticking ever more loudly!!  It wasn't til then (at age 35) I decided I really had to face my fears of hospitals, blood tests etc if we were to stand a chance of having a baby, so hubby and I finally went off to a fertility clinic. Unfortunately my fears still stopped me opting for the HSG (not sure if that's right term) xray to check tubes etc and found myself some years later wishing I had as perhaps the fibroids and endo I had could have been diagnosed earlier and we'd not have wasted all that time with treatment that was probably doomed to failure. 

It's surprising how strong the road we travel makes us because you have faced your fears and are doing really well to have got to the stage you have. Half of the fears we have come from not knowing what to expect - often the reality of a situation isn't as bad as our fears so hang on in there and good luck for a positive ending.      


Best Wishes, 

CG x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

AlmaMay/Nicki W I just thought I'd pop on and say thanks for the tip about the "magic cream"   I've just rung and asked my doc to leave me a script for some (least he can do, NHS have paid for nothing else this cycle!!  ) as I was slightly apprehensive about the jabs (mainly the IM Stimms!  ) 

So thanks ladies, I feel quite reassured   Good to see you're still around imparting your wisdom too AlmaMay! 

Amanda xxxx


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Dear Amanda,

Glad to help.  I have suggested to Hammersmith that they tell women about EMLA/AMETOP at their IVF coordination appt.  There is no need to suffer and for me it really has helped.  

It has helped so much that I've been able to do some stimms injections without EMLA when I've been caught out (clinic calling last minute telling me to do another injection).  That was such a huge step.  I think I could even do all my stimms injections now without EMLA but I still use it.  

Also, for blood tests I haven't felt sick or been sick and worried for days and days about it and it is such a relief!!  I could actually do a blood test today if I had an hour to put my EMLA cream and patch on.  That is so much progress for me it is unbelievable.  

Nicki - Thanks for the heads up on EMLA shrinking the vein.  I never knew that.  Before blood tests I drink a lot of water after a nurse at Hammersmith told me that being dehydrated makes taking blood harder.  As most blood tests are in the morning and people tend not to drink water during the night they are dehydrated.  I can say it DOES make a difference. 

I still think if an anaesthetist had a choice of putting a canula in my had with or without EMLA they would opt for me having the EMLA.  I behave quite badly otherwise.    Still have to work on that one.  

If any MODS are reading it might be worth putting this or something containing this information as a sticky for new people.  It really helps those of us with needle phobias.

Yours,
Almamay


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi to all - just wanted to post and let everyone know that i gave a very good blood test today - I didnt work myself up before hand and gave myself the goal to give it first time - always knowing that by the end of this week it will all be over.  I havent taken the dressing off yet (still convinced i have a hole in the arm) but hey one step closer !!

We have been moved to Thursday for egg collection and they have given me EMLA cream - we are two hours away from hospital and i have been advised to put it on before we leave the house - I have to say i am a little concerned now though that it will shrink my veins !!!  

I am going to take up your advice about seeing a phobia councellor - everything worth a shot !!  Sheer grit and determination has got me this far but could do with sorting it out once and for all.

Thankyou to everyone for all the advice - it has been greatly received and to be honest i didnt want to let everyone down which helped me today - knowing that i would be able to post a response on the site tonight gave me incentive !!

It is great talking to others who understand 

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Just wanted to say well done and wish you well for egg collection. You've done really well to get to this stage and we'll all be rooting for you. I'm sure you'll be fine and fingers crossed you'll get that    you long for. Try to focus on that rather than the procedures you need to go through later this week.

     

Take care,

CG x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

ACBICCY 

Wooohoooooo!! Well Done!! I'm really proud of you hun!        Only 4 more sleeps to go and you will be out of these particular woods!  

Can't tell you how pleased I am for you and I've got  for a  after all this you really deserve it! 

Well Done and keep us posted  

Amanda xxxx


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## sarah38 (Jun 14, 2006)

ACBICCY, have you got good veins? If so don't worry about amitop shrinking them a little. The alternative for another time ( although I pray there won't be one!) is the amitop which dilates them a little although it tends to cause reddening which many people assume is an allergy but isn't. 

Sarah x


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Acibiccy,

That is great news about your blood test.  It's a real achievement.  People who don't suffer just don't understand.  I remember one time having a blood test and I was so nervous when I got up to leave after having it done (I was so proud of myself) and I was wearing light grey trousers and they were all wet from sweat at every point my body touched the bed I was laying on.  The nurse looked shocked.  I just said, "I told you I'm needle phobic."  I don't think she believed me until she saw how wet my trousers were.  

Please don't be worried about the EMLA shrinking veins.  It was only here on this thread that I heard about it for the first time.  The EMLA helps me so much they always seem to get it on the first go.  I was so stressed without it sometimes they took several tries and that is tourture.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

thanks everyone for support.

I have tried gas before - I thought they were trying to kill me and again panic set in so bad it took six nurses to hold me - the doctors look so scared at my reaction it made me even worse !! 

When i went for my operation in the summer the anaesthatist asked me if i wanted a mask when i started to panic - I was already in a really bad way and didnt twig to start - it was only when he bought the mask closer and told me it might taste bad i realised he meant gas - at this point i told him if he put it over my mouth i would get up and knock him out - he then put it swiftly back !!

They also gave me diazepam - i took one on the friday night and one on the saturday morning before the operation - everyone told me that they would make me very happy and forget my woes - it didnt - it make me manicly depressed and i cried continously !

Drips in the back of the hand are my ultimate nightmare - after my laparoscamy i convinced the nurse that i was fine and ready to go home so that she would take it out - whilst the happy drugs were working i didnt pay any attention to it - but the minute i start to wake up and know it is there i start to aggresive and panic, i should never have left the hospital when i did - it was risking my own health as i could barely walk - just managed to get through the doors before needing a sit down !!  It was very naughty but i also know how bad my aggression and panic attack gets !!

When i had my operation in July, I explained my problem with veins and drips and asked that it was removed as soon as humanly possible
my operation was at 8am, England were playing in the world cup that day and i was quite happy that they had taken the drip away before i woke and left the hand well bandaged so i couldnt see the tube that had been left in so my husband went home to watch the game and his mum came to sit with me.  About 7pm the drugs had started to wear off and i suddenly became concious that it was there - I told Janet she had a small window of opportunity to get the nurse and get it out - she has always heard my stories but never seen it first hand.  She ran to the doctor to explain and he came in to discuss it with me - He told me they would not remove the tube in case of complications - I told him if he didnt take it out i would get off the bed, punch him in the nose and then rip the f*ing thing out - in quite a few more sentences than that !!!  Everyone started to run around and try to calm me down - doesnt work !!  He offered me Diazepam - i told him very unpolitely where to stick it !!  They then took a management decision reluctantly to remove it - for their own health rather than mine i think !!  The only trouble is - I am vein phobic not just needle phobic - so they put one of those cotton rolls over the area - tampax i call them !!  For someone like me - the pressure that one of those "tampax" rolls puts on my hand makes me aware there is something touching it - at which point i went into a fit of violence, screaming, shouting and attempting to break my mother in laws hand - i started hyperventilating which helped to curb my aggression - they removed the obstacle and then had to wake me every hour through the night to check on me - I survived though !!  My mother in law has never moved so quickly, when hubby arrived she was out the door so fast she left scorch marks on the carpet !!  Apparently i had tried to break her hand and she lost feeling for the rest of the night !!

I am still here though and live to tell the tale !!  But i do know that on Thursday with EC i will be pretty much the same !!  I am sure it will be eventful !


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

EC was yesterday and i gt 18 eggs, I cried like a baby and behaved like a two year old but got the job done. The emla cream worked a treat and i have to say that i didnt actually feel much pain when the needle went in.  I would even go as far to say that yesterdays anaesthatists were great and have helped me to overcome a little of my phobia - I do believe i could stay calm before it happened in future as it wasnt an awful experience.  

ET tomorrow - then the wait begins !!

xx


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Acibiccy,

I'm so pleased for you!!!       

Great news about 18 eggs.  I hope they are fertilizing and growing as I type.

I think the EMLA cream and understanding hospital staff CAN make all the difference when you are trying to cope with needle phobia.  Like I said in my first reply to you, I don't think I'll ever get over my needle phobia but no longer rules my life.  That is a blessed relief.  I hated planning or avoiding things just because I was phobic.  I think I have it under control and hope things stay that way.  

Keep us up to date with how things go with ET.

Yours,
Almamay


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## hobbesy (Nov 22, 2006)

Can I join the needlephobic club? I have been reading this thread squirming away in my chair just hearing about everyone's experiences.

I have two children of my own and had to have several tests and injections during the labour and delivery of those two because of various problems helped a lot by our local hospital having a dedicated blood test team. This is all they do all day so no more inexperienced nurses burrowing away in my arm making the fears I've fought so hard to control even worse.

Next year I am hopefully donating eggs for my friend so that she can also complete her family so will be taking in all advice on getting through injections that I can find. I haven't had 'magic cream' since I had my appendix out at 12 but think I may have to ask this time around   And will also hopefully be able to choose between the nasal sprays and injections for the first part.

Well done acbiccy on getting through the ec in one piece. I was so glad when I read that it was done under sedation or ga as I had thought for some reason you were wide awake. I was sedated to have my wisdom teeth out a few years ago and remember it making the world of difference. But, I also have the particular problems with needles in the back of my hand so will make sure dh is well instructed to get them to remove as soon as possible even if i had to sign something to say I understand the problems it might cause (something they made me do after labour when I wanted it out and i had one more dose of intravenous antibiotics to take in a few hours)

Keri -x-


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Acbiccy,

Really pleased to hear the EC went well and you got such a good number of eggs. Hope they fertilised well and the ET went smoothly. Have been thinking of you.



CG x


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## sho28 (Jan 10, 2006)

Keri- You'll never know what a wonderful gift you are giving your friend. What a wonderful person you must be


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## hobbesy (Nov 22, 2006)

Thank you so much. I sometimes feel a little awkward reading the praise of everyone on here for egg donors, I've never taken compliments well lol but I think its more the fact that I don't actually think I am very special for doing it. I just think there should be many more people donating. I have been very gobsmacked by reactions like 'well i wouldn't do it unless they were paying me!'. Anyone lucky enough to have a child knows how much of an extremely special gift they are, and its a gift I want others to experience.

Keri -x-


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## hobbesy (Nov 22, 2006)

Acbiccy,

I have been hoping to hear how things have been for you. I read how your ET was pretty bad and have been thinking of you since. Did I miss the result?

Keri -x-


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hello everyone, sorry for lack of replies - had pretty rough two weeks - first week i was in so much pain after EC, i couldnt walk and ovaries were so tender just wanted to cry and wallow in self pity !!  Had two embryos transfered back and it too was very painful - where the Ec had left me badly bruised etc - the thought of having them put back was awful - then i had my legs in stirrups (and i am not very supple!) full bladder, cramp in my hips from the position of my legs and instead of being a beautiful experience it was painful and horrible - nothing like you see on tv !!

The second week i started to feel dizzy, sick and very strange - couldnt understand if it was pregnancy or coming down with something - did an early test and whilst it showed a positive pregnancy it wasnt very clear, so waited until last saturday and did the test again - I have a positive pregnancy for now !!!!!  

When i called my unit they were thrilled !! dont think any of them want to take me through it again !!!!  although they did joke and ask if i fancied popping in to have a blood test to confirm !!  swiftly declined ha ha !

First scan is jan 8th !

Egg donors are wonderful and we have also decided that if we are sucessful in getting a child (or twins) we are going to donate the rest of our embryos to others.  I never thougt we could have children and thanks to others who have given up themselves ad eggs etc to research, science has now made it possible for me - so we would like to help others too.  The only thing we are concerned about - is that if we raise our child and he/she is the sole heir.heiress when we die, if we have donated embryos and they find us are they entitled to your estate when you die ?  food for thought before making that decision i think !

Anyway - better get ready for work.

Speak to you all soon

xx


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## Nicki W (Nov 1, 2006)

Congrats!!!
Thats absolutely brill news!    hope all goes well.  Take care. Nicki W


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Congratulations on your - I bet now you think it is worth every prick along the way!

I needed my Ametop on Monday as had to go to theatre and didn't feel anything- it was all in my head! still tears but no pain.  I also begged them to give me my Anti D in theatre so I was asleep and one less needle for me, which they did.

L xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

I dont really know how i feel at the moment - scared of them dying and having to do it all again i suppose.  Frightened about all the blood tests in the future pregnancy and totally petrified that i will get someting like pre-eclampsia and be put on a drip during birth !!  My friend was hooked up to all sorts of drips and machines when she gave birth - that terrifies me - dont know how i would do it !!!

I have to say that the emla cream was great - i cried like a baby right up to them doing it - sobbed my heart out - tried to take my hand back but they were persistent and i never felt a thing - wish it would cure me - but even though i tell myself it didnt hurt and i survived i also know that i will go through the same emotional turmoil at the next needle i have to have !!  I did have hypnotherapy 3 years ago - cost me around three hundred pounds for quite a few sessions with a strange little lady, but it helped me thus far.  before then i would punch, kick, scream and generally work myself into such a state that they were unable to take it anyway !  even though i scream, cry and fall to the floor like an age 2 sulking child now - i do get the job done - without any dignity though !!! 

I dont think it is anything you ever get over - but i have learnt to control it better - it really helps finding others like me, as out here in the sticks of holbeach i seem to be a very rare breed that path labs and hospitals havent seen before !!  The unit in nottingham where we have had our treatment all know me by name and when i called to give the good news - they were chuffed that the NEEDLEPHOBIC one was pregnant !!!  Nurses even joked about me having a blood test to confirm - as if !!!  First Scan date is Jan 8th - so keeping fingers crossed !

Anyway - better get ready for work - last day today and only til 12 - so plenty of rest coming up for next two weeks !!


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Well the journey begins !!  I have a midwife appointment next week and already have started to fret about another new person wanting some of the good stuff from my arm !!

The first blood test is for rubella, hiv, blood group etc and so was going to try and get out of it as nurture already have those details - but apparently they may insist on blood to accompany a nuchal scan - so bang goes that idea !!

I feel so low and miserable through sleep deprivation that i dont think i can cope with a blood test - i know i am going to end up a blubbering mess on the floor and the midwife is going to get ****** off with me - they tend to have the gung-ho attitude too dont they.  I remember going to the family planning clinic to ask about my infertility - the nurse there told me i had to go for blood tests - i nearly fainted and got quite upset - so she told me not to be such a stupid girl (I was 30 at the time!) and told me that i obviously didnt want to be a mother as i would have to undergo plenty of them.  She was very rude - i promptly replied back that in the old days before hospitals plenty of people were born without the need for giving blood !! then went home and cried - it then took me 3 years to go again and then it was only because i was in agony !!

I guess it is going to be a long road !!


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi, i have been reading your posts and just wanted to offer you my heartfelt congratulations... i too am severely needle phobic and have found myself reacting as you have and a have tried to brain a few nurses along my way,you can see their faces drop when i walk into the clinic.. friends have to draw shorts straws to see who's turn it is to take the mad old bint for her appointment... not pleaseant ! 
anyway it has given me hope that you have got thru and i know what you mean when you realise once pregnant, it just the beginning !!!! so whilst it is a joyeous time my heart also goes out to you.

just wanted to ask how you got thru the daily injections ? i am sitting here with tears pouring down my face, whilst i am sooooooo excited to be starting my 1st IVF i know i have to start injections tonight and i am petrified. it has taken me 5 yrs to get to this point due to my horror of needles i have put off doing ivf, but now at 41 i have no choice and have to get on with it... did you inject yourself ?? am unsure if i will let hubby do it as i am sure it will be tears and tantrums, and it will all get so fraught... but will i be able to do it myself ?? will use the emla cream, had lots of hypnotherapy-which just means no longer faint or punch anyone ( so yes was helpful !) but it does not control the severe shaking or uncontrollable tears....
wish me luck for tonight.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Dear Joeyt

bless you - sorry i have only just seen the post.  I had to get hubby to inject me - i would never be able to do it myself.  which drugs do you have ?  is it the buserelin ?  I found that having a shower to warm the skin up helped.  All injections were done in my thigh - swapping legs each day - I had to hold on to the headboard with a pillow over my head  and scream into the pillow while he did them!  They hurt like hell and there is no way i would ever be brave enough to do one myself.  Sometimes we would both sob afterwards at the pain of them - me cause it hurt and craig because he was having to hurt me !

After about 10 days i would sob all the time - it felt like forever - every night when i went to bed i would go worrying about the next mornings injections - we didnt know how we were going to get all the way through it, especially when the hospital visits were 2 hours away - and we were leaving the house at 5.30am after a jab to go and give blood !!  nightmare !!

When we started the next set of injections - the gonal f pens - i thought my life was over - they make a clicking sound and i didnt want to hear or feel them - so we then added an mp3 player to the equation!  while he prepared the injection i put a song on really loud - pillow over head and held on to headboard for dear life !!!  It was 30 seconds of pure terror each time but we made it !!  

Somewhere in the middle of it all we began to question why we were doing it - it is much harder than you think - especially being a needle/vein phobic person, every day is traumatic and trying to convince yourself it will all be over soon and look what you will get at the end doesnt work either - as you have to keep perspective and know that there is just as much chance you are doing it for nothing, that i think is the hard bit, staying as positive as you can helps i think.  i found this site and so many people have been through it and can help that it has just been magic.

I know what you are going through and what is still to come so anytime you need some support i am here - and because i am having trouble sleeping will probably be online anyway !!

let me know how you are doing

xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Dear all

This is my first ever reply, I usually just read and take on board different advice, but this thread has compelled me to reply.  

I too am a needle phobe.  I have been all my life.  I have managed to get to 35 with just 2 blood tests - ever!!!  However, IVF came into my life and with that many many needles.  I think as a needle phobe, we all think we have it the worst, I know I do, I always think I am the worst needlephobic person there is, but now, although not cured I can tolerate injections now.  

I am now on my 2ww but previously was using gonal f with the dreaded machine that clicked so loud.  I hated it, but as the days went by even I have to admit they got better.  I used a wonderful hypnotherapist called Debra Walsh in Kent before I started any injections and then had a few sessions during treatment, in all I only had 4 sessions.  I swear by Emla cream and used it for nearly every gonal f injection, I found leaving it for 1hr 30 mins was the best.  My husband had to make up the injections as I tried to watch once and made me feel so ill.  He also had to inject me there is no way I could have ever done that to myself!

So the point to my waffling is don't despair, needle phobia may not be conquerable but can certainly be managed so that it does not control your life.  It no longer controls mine, Emla cream does!!!!

Take Care and here's hoping we all get what we all really deserve out of all this.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi suzyboo

I have to say that in my neck of the woods every nurse/doctor i come across is amazed at how bad i am - as though there isnt another needlephobe in the world !!  (country bumpkins you see !!)  I too made it to 30 without giving blood - always kicked, punched and screamed my way out of it until i was so ill i needed to do it !!  The i took up hypnotherapy which helped for a while but now i am back to square one.  It has been great to find out that there are others like me - no-one really understands it do they - until now - meeting the other needle/vein phobes on this site has helped me no-end.

I didnt do one of the blood tests during my treatment - worked myself up too much - but got the majority of them done - even the nurses at nurture were amazed at someone like me doing the ivf program - i became quite famous at the unit and they dreaded me going in especially on a monday morning!!  There was one nurse that i trusted enough to do it - she learnt not to faff about tapping veins but to stick the needle in and find vein afterwards - got them done !!

Egg collection day was the worst - i sobbed for about 3 hours before - by the time we had walked into the unit i had scared every other couple i think !!  they put me in a room straight away and got me down as quickly as possible - snot running down my face, eyes almost shut where they were so puffy too !! must have looked a right state !

I have only just found out about emla cream from another phobic person on the site - so going to try that on wednesday when i have to go give blood to nhs ! am already crapping it - but hoping that after having a better experience wit the cream that i can convince myself it wont hurt and get the job done !!

When was your transfer ?? will keep my fingers crossed for you 

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hello all the needlephobes !!

got my tube of emla cream today and going to try and have a better experience tomorrow !! I already have butterflies and feel very tense.  My hands are all sweaty and disgusting and i am counting down the hours !!

It makes me worse knowing that i am now off to a completely different person and they have to get to know me and vice versa before i will trust them enough to take it with minimal fuss !  for tomorrow they will get full works ! snot, screaming, sobbing, passing out and nothing i can do to stop it !!  

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Monrning everyone - just thought i would do a last post before the vampires get me !! 

I have put on the emla cream but keep forgetting its on and folding my arms - which is something i do when nervous !!  have been to the loo three times for some very runny scared efforts !!  am so nervous now as its someone new and we have to explain my problem etc etc etc so thought i would read and post until time to go and take mind off it - between loo stops ! 

Hope everyone else ok and doing well

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

DISASTER !!

was late for my appointment - ended up siting in the waiting room for 20 minutes watching all the old duffers go first, each one coming out stretching their arm or holding it out straight, was an open plan path lab and as i looked to my left saw a nurse prepping a needle - so you can imagne the state i was in by the time they called me !!! 

it was a man taking the blood but when one of the older nurses saw my hysteria she decided to take over, she wasnt very sympathetic to my problem either ! She had a tap of the veins which i tried to ignore but eventually it got the better of me and i refused to go ahead !!  I calmed down and had a glass of water and decided to retry.  Craig explained that snapping of viles would send me into panic so could they use one and divide out later. Emla cream didnt work - i dont think i put enough on - i felt the needle go in then felt her fishing around - tried to stay calm but eventually started to hyperventilate.  She kept really quiet through the whole thing - that doesnt help me - i need them to tell me that it is going well and almost done - as she didnt i had to ask if it was coming - when they replied yes i thought i was doing well - held on for as long as possible and then rage started - so i told her that  couldnt hold on for much longer and instead of encouraging me along for a bit longer she took out the needle and finished up - I had a panic attack but thought it was all over and i was done.  

When i eventually calmed down and opened my eyes she was labelling the bottles and decided to tell me that she didnt think they had enough !! - i needed to give 4 viles and probably only got one !!  so looks like it was all for nothing and will have to do again !!  

Hope everyone else having a better day than me !!

xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi ACBICCY
You poor poor thing what a dreadful experience for you.  With the emla cream I had the small 10ml (I think) tubes and I used half a tube per injection.  The other thing I have been told is to ask for a butterfly needle, apparantly it has to be held differently to a normal needle so when they are changing vials they have to hold the needle so you can't feel it moving.  I hav also been told the vein in my left arm is better than the right so I always tell them where to do it.  I must admit I did find a nurse I trusted and having her do the blood tests did help.  Try thinking really positive thoughts too.  If you want to know about the hypnotherapy just say and I can tell you what I have learnt, it really did work for me.  At my et the dr even commented that she never thought she see me get this far!  

My et was on Friday 26th, so still a way to go.  Where are you up to in your cycle?


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Suzy

am in dreadful state today - dont know what happened - the nurse was awful and that didnt help, i feel so low and drained now and ****** off with myself for not behaving !!!

I too have had hypnotherapy - it has helped me no-end - before i had it i would kick, scream punch bite etc and never go through with it.  Now i manage to go through with it but never with dignity  

I dont think i used enough emla cream - i only used 1/2 a 5ml tube and i had wrong plaster on - was in such a state when i put it on this morning i used a plaster that had gauze on it - so cream had soaked into it - only just occured to me !!!

I am not going back to that hospital - going to speak to my midwife and get myself moved to boston which has a really good path lab - they always find it first time and talk to me like i am a human being - thats half the battle isnt it - just going the extra mile for todays nurse was an effort !!!  Mind you i dont think she will be sorry if she never sees me again !!  Craig said that she almost pooped herself when my voice changed from sobbing upset victim to get that f**cking needle out of my arm before i thrash you !!!

I will be able to laugh about it in a few hours as always - might not be able to take the plaster off for a week or two though !!  I work with computers and am a completely logical person but my head tells me i have a hole in my arm and i cat get round that !!  before hypnotherapy i would pass out and have a divvy fit when trying to take the plaster off - at least now i can do it maybe a day or two later !!

I am currently 10wks 3 days pregnant with one baby on board - bit nervous that todays stress wouldnt have been good for the baby!  We have nuchal scan on tuesday so will find out if baby still there and ok - I said i will do more blood then if i have too - once i have seen the baby again it might help to focus on why i am doing it !!

No-one ever believed i would do it either - especially the injections - but i have got this far to everones amazement - can be a determind little bugger when i want !! wasnt going to let the fact i havent got full working equipment stop me !!  

The 2WW is nothing compared to the 3 weeks after that when you wait for the first scan - that is awful - all sorts of things go through your head - but when you see the heartbeat on screen its wonderful - will keep my fingers crossed for you xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi ACBICCY
Wishing you all the best for the nuchal.  Maybe try another hypnotherapy session, I used to book mine the day or two before my injection, I'm convinced it is all down to this that has helped me.  The plaster wouldn't have helped!  I got the "real" ones from expresschemist.co.uk at 99p each!  I was told that cling film can be used but wrapping it around my thigh I ended up in a right old mess!!!
I do feel for you though, I really do know how you feel.  Have a cup of decaf tea and chill out this afternoon!
And congratulations on your pregnancy.  I must admit I am only on day 5 and am already obsessing about hpt's and when to do the first one!!!
Take care
Suzy


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi suzy

yes posting on here and replying to all the well wishers who have emailed me has started to take my mind off it - the more i tell it the more i think what a plonker i am !! 

I first had a feeling i was pregnant after about 7 days - i felt really weird and light headed whilst round my dads and had hot flush/sickness feeling - it didnt go away !!  so on about day 10 i did a test - i know i sholdnt but couldnt help it !!  It was a positive one but very feint so then i waited until day 14 and by then it was the most wonderful blue plus line i ever saw !!!  I didnt go for a blood test to confirm !!  just took about ten more tests !!  - over christmas i kept covincing myself i couldnt be and doing more tests - spent a small fortune on them !!  

hopefully you will have same result and then i can bore you with all the horror stories about being pregnant ha ha !!   Even i have to admit i never expected it to be this hard - never really thought about i suppose - I have spent more time in my pj;s and bed over last 10 weeks than in my 33 years of life i think !!!  always tired but cant sleep, feelings of misery and sickness and food cravings/revulsions - something to look forward to !!  I even found the buserelin and gonal f injections more pleasurable !!  could do them again easy peasy compared to being pregnant - oly 10 seconds of pain and a few hours of feeling crap instead of all day !! 
I think that is the general opinion of all on here as well - we have all been through so much to get here that you never really think about what happens when you get pregnant !!

I was a bit naive and thought it all began when you were 12 weeks pregnant and fully confirmed !!  soon learnt otherwise !

xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

I've got the light-headedness, dizzy spells and some nausea already, but am putting all these down to the cyclogest!!! 

I'm praying for this to work for me as well as everyone else on here, but we only ended up with one embryo grade 3 - 4 cell, so not the greatest but thinking positive as much as I can.

Take care


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning Suzy

I didnt have any side effects from the drugs at all - just from the pregnancy - so hopefully your symptoms are a good sign !!  many people on here have good viable pregnancys from grade 4 eggs so dont let that worry you.

Which hospital did you go to ?  

I feel lots better today and just angry with myself for letting it beat me yesterday - will get a good ribbing at work today about being such a nancy !!  I am a very larger than life person who is logical, takes charge and very capable of looking after herself - they all think its hilarious that i am scared of needles and none of them believe that someone who is as bold as me can be reduced to a jibbering 2 year old !!

I am going to ring midwife/hospital on monday to see if they had enough - if not will get some more taken when i am at the nuchal scan on tuesday (sound brave dont i - thats the theory today anyway !!)

got my delivery from the online chemist yesterda afetrnoon - pack of 5 tubes of emla cream and 12 PROPER dressings - so will try again !! 

speak soon

lots of love and wishes

ann

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi,Biccy it's Joeyt here... firstly thank you so much for your reply earlier... things are going ok jab wise thank god ! 1 tube of emla,my head under the cushion,prostrate on the couch with my hubby doing the jabs is getting me thru..just... had to give blood last week and again tom..usual shaking etc..but have been much better... which is more than i can say for you...you poor thing!!! how awful for you, no i wouldn't go back there either. i went to a diff hosp last week and refused to set foot in lab until i tld them i was ****** scared and that somebody who understand that must see to me...lots of iffy glances but it did work.. anyway i always use the emla or another cream Atop and put on at the v. least 1 to 1half hours before, whoever sells you the stuff should be giving you the correct plaster free !!! you peel the whole lot off so it leaves a v.thin film... for years i just slapped it on and never pulled the back off, so cream use to slide about abit... it does work...
must dash but with e-mail you later....


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

glad things going ok - i didnt get on with the ametop cream - called the aneasthatist a ****** for lying to me and asked him if i looked stupid - he may con a child but not me - then took a swing for him but nurses held me down until i remember no more !!  

I have now got 5 tubes of emla with 12 proper patches - bought a set from the online chemist - so next time will hopefully get it right.  I really wish i could stop it - have no idea why panic sets in - i am ok until i get into a rage - then god help them !!  Craig reckons i am like a little rabbit trapped in headlights that eats some spinach and turns into godzilla !!

really going to try hard next time to do it with little fuss

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

how are you feeling suzy - any strange feelings yet - is it 7 days now ??  not long to go !!  I dont think the 2WW is anywhere near as bad as the next few weeks after while you wait fr the first scan - that is a bloody nightmare - always convincing yourself that you are no longer pregnant - i spent a fortune doing pregnancy tests every other day as i didnt trust myself that it was real !!

How are you doing joey ??  are the injections going ok - how about the scans ??  I think they are fascinating - it was great seeing that all was developing as it should be - by the end of the treatmet thoug i had so muh ovary pain i thought they were going to explode !!

Hope you both doing well

lots of love and wishes

ann

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, you do make me laugh  !!!! well went for my blood test y/day !!! i have been staying over at my sis-in-laws looking after my nephews whilst she and hubby are skiing ( lucky divels !!) I had to be at clinic for 8.00am so after getting a 4yr ,3yr and 7month ready for school,breakfast,nursery etc it only dawned on me at 7.30..i need cream and plasters like NOW !!!! had the cream in the fridge but only half a tube eek !! and no plasters !!! horror...so had to wrap a ton of cling film around my arms,shove the kids at a very frightened looking husband and fled to the clinic with cling film wafting delicately out of the sleeves of my 3/4 length sleeved jumper.
this is the 1st blood test i have been to by myself, i was warned by my shrieking husband that there had better be no funny business  and he wouldn't be responsible for his actions if left  him with 3 kids for more than 45 Min's...so when i arrived, i turned into Mary Poppins on speed, pulled the cling film off and thrust both arms at the v. surprised nurse and sped out in a jiffy..  no funny business, no tears !!!!! can you believe it? i tell you i was so stressed about the kids and exhausted as Little one didn't sleep all night ( and we want one of these !!) that i just didn't have time to think about it.

anyway after unloading kids at various schools, foisted the 7month old on a kind saintly friend went back for my 10.40 scan....joy oh joy... 8 follies on my 1 remaining ovary, yippee..... 2*18.5 1*19 1*21.5 various at 16,17 etc... lining of 14.5 (i think or 15.4 ) anyway blood flow to ovaries was also great and nurse and consultant beamed back at me... My estradoil (Sp ?) levels from my blood test where also great, so they said i could drop my gonal f jab last night and tonite...even better news !!
have my final burselin injection tonite at 7.30 then my trigger shot at 11.00 tonite also and EC on Monday morning... must say i have had no side affects of drugs but woken up today with painful ovary and v. sore boobies..did you have any of this 
so feeling v. positive for Monday, i think i get put out cold... hmmmm did you have any pre-meds to calm you ?? any advice... 
Glad to hear you got the correct plasters, makes all the difference ( but cling film does work also ) you cannot feel a thing,honestly you can't...


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joeyt

wow you brave thing - thats amazing - i just wish i could do it no fuss - I have once - the nurse was so nice but very firm with me - she said "Give me that arm and stop winding yourself up !" - so i did - it was all over in 5 mins and i was so relieved - i got up and went to leave then passed out - took me an hour to recover !!  she was well annoyed !!

My ovaries were killing me before the egg collection - i walked like john wayne after a day on a horse !!  every step jogged them and felt weird and painful  My egg collection was nasty - they made me first appointment so i wouldnt have to worry   - that was when i hd my first experience of emla cream - they promised me it would work and i wouldnt fell a thing - and i didnt !!  We got to the hospiral at 7.30 and sat in the multistory car par playing on the psp - sobbing my heart out - put the cream on both hands and looked like a power ranger a craig says !!  - at 8.30 we walked into thhe hospital and i was so freaked out just sobbed all the way in - getting loads of sympathy from passer by who bviously thought i was in berievement !!  Got to the unit and collapsed on my favourite nurse who took me straight through - but i never heard anything they said from then on - as i am vein phobic it is the back of the hand that gets my phobia in full swing !!  Craig made them promise to get rid of any drips and needles from the hand etc as soon as they possibly can as i am a danger to myself and them !!  they were great and took it out as soon as the op was over so i never knew a thing - wonderful the nottingham nurture team were !!

When i had my fallopian tubes removed in the summer they wouldnt remove the needle from the hand in case they needed to apply a drip - once the anaesthetic wore off and i realised there was something in my hand i had a right divvy - told the nurses to get it out and started flying into a rage - doctor came and said no - to which i very calmly told him - if you dont get it out now i am going to rip it out myself and then punch your f**king lights out !!  the nurses decided to take it out and worry about getting another one in later ! then the daft cows put one of te tampax cotton rolls over the area - i then went mental - i am bloody vein phobic stupid tart and all you are doing is making me aware there is something pressing on one - get it off now !!!  I apologised later but they were ok and understood my phobia in the end ! 

I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you - just think tomorrow you are off to make babies - sounds odd doesnt it !!  By tomorrow night you will have made some and technically will be parents (even if only in a dish for now!)  Craig didnt like doing it in the little room with pictures of luscious lucy (he said mags were about 1950's before women learnt to trim themselves!) I was going to take one in for him and replace a face with a picture of mine - then just before we parted tell him to look at page x - made me chuckle but got so wound up i forgot - he gets so stressed when he knows i have a needle to do that i thought he would struggle - but he did it in 1/2 hour - then left his watch in the room (giving the game away !!)

xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann
I'm fine thanks.  I am on day 9 now and the wait is killing me.  I had to half my dose of cyclogest after speaking to the doctor, the dizziness eased thankfully.  I am now back on to 2 a day so here we go again!!  I might try and go to work for a couple of hours this week, I can't stand being indoors this long!!
I'm with Chelsfield in Kent.  I've found them to be really good and I trust them so for people like you an me that is a big hurdle.
Well I hope you don't find you have to give more blood tomorrow.
Take care and have a good rest of the weekend

Suzy


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi suzy 

not long now !!  are you excited ??  I was at work through the whole 2WW and it flew by - the hardest bit was waiting for the 5 wk scan - always worried there would be nothing there.  Mind you i am equally as worried about tomorrow - am excited to see baby again - but also worried that it has gone already and the pregnancy symptoms are now in my head !!  Tell you i will be committed to a nut house before i give birth !!  I wasnt expecting it all to be so hard !

How many embryos did you have transfered ? will keep my fingers crossed for you - are you home testing or going in for a blood test ??

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Joey

how did the egg collection go ?

was thinking about you - hope all went well and you get some lovely fertilised eggs through the night 

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

Had some really bad news today - the scan showed the baby has only made it to 8 weeks old and then died.  Sadly there was no beautiful heartbeat this time, we are devastated.

We now have to wait and see if i can miscarry naturally over next two weeks as they dont like to give D&C at the hospital if you are going to try IVF again.

Hope you are both doing ok

love

ann
xx


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## KTx (Mar 23, 2006)

Ann      I really wish I knew what else to say


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh Ann
That's dreadful news you poor poor thing.  
I simply cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now
I also wish I knew what to say

Suzy
xxxxxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Ann, what must you be going thru !!!! my heart is truly breaking for you. Please, if you need to chat we are all hear, keep in touch. Thinking of  both. X X X


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Cant do anything but cry at the moment - house is filled with books the midwife gave me and pregnancy leaflets, scan pictures etc - we are going to put it all in a box and up in the loft - we named it "Practice Run"

Just so gutted that after seeing lovely healthy heartbeat at 5 weeks and now nothing.  We both knew as soon as she touched my tummy there was nothing - it is the size of an 8 week old child which means it died then apparently.  I am having a large vodka and coke - I know it wont make it go away but will blot the pain for a while!

The more i analyse it the more i think my body tried to tell me - I havent been wanting to drink so much and havent been so tired, my boobs also shrunk again - apparently the hospital told me its because the hormone levels have been dropping.

I wont give up though - going to try and think of it as a positive that we now know i can get pregnant and it is possible, will try as soon as i possibly can.

Thankyou for your thoughts - i hope everyone else has better days 

xx


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## sarah38 (Jun 14, 2006)

So sorry to hear this, it must have been a horrible shock. Look after yourselves, your time will come

Sarah xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

feeling more positive today - lots of support on this site no matter what your circumstances

I just feel a bit useless - it is me that has no tubes, me that cant get pregnant, me that has a bloody stupid phobia making it all 10 times worse, me that cant stay pregnant and me that cant even miscarry properly !

I am hoping body miscarries soon so that we can have closure and start again - I wont let this deter me and accept that it wsnt meant to be.  Got blind drunk last night to see if it would help - plus give baby a head wetting/wake !!

Spoke to my unit about next stages and if there would be quite as many needles but they wouldnt lie and said different consultants do different things and it was a possibility that there would be needles - but i am a pro now so bring it on !!  I know it can be done and that is what i must use to keep me going !!

Suzy & Joey - please keep posting - i want to know how you get on - am really excited for you - lets have some good news for a change !

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi,god its hard to know what to say, but good that you got blind drunk, it does help and you needed it. Don't blame yourself Hun....you seem to forget it was YOU that got pregnant, so you did something right. and you will do again, have faith. Glad that you are feeling more positive, i am sure it will be up and down for a while now, so don't forget to cry  ( i know, as if !) and let that anger out... 
Any chance you and hubby can bugger off somewhere for the weekend ? 

2 out of my 6 little embies fertilised and 2 are going back in today. having a very bad reaction to the cyclogest pessaries!!! been up half the night with severscramps,high temp and feeling sick, so feel bloody awful today and nerves are getting the better of me. We where told et was this morning so my hubby who is in the middle of a big project moved a v. important meeting and presentation til this afternoon... now et has been moved to 1.30 so he can't come . luckily my sister office is just around the corner from clinic in Harley street, so she is going to be with me... 

what are you doing today, can you take time off work, or would you rather be busy ?

Also hope you don't get too bombarded by needles in the next few days, but if you do maybe this is your chance to try some alternative ways of coping as a practice...i.e take a large mallet with you!!!

will be thinking of you


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

Good luck for ET - I had such romantic ideas about mine - seeing baby on screen and knowing i would be leaving hospital pregnant etc - instead was really undignified - was still hurting from egg collection and convinced i was going to wee all over them !! 

I am at work today - got to pick yourself up and dust yourself off again havent you.  I am devastated and feel like a walking coffin - but i know that losing it via a natural miscarriage will give me better closure than having it sucked out (at least this time !!)

Had fish n chips for dinner, chips and french stick for tea and macdonalds breakfast this morning !!  going to live it up for rest of week !!

I know i did everything in my power to carry this child, ate the right food, had plenty of rest etc - so i like to think it has died because it wasnt well - I will try again as soon as i can !

I have my fingers crossed for your embies that all goes well

Lots of Love

ann

xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

*ACBICCY*

We've not "chatted" before but just read your sad news & I'm so sorry hun  

Thinking of you & DH

Take care
Natasha

*suzyboo*

I notice you're also at Chelsfield Park - which consultant are you under ? We're under Mr Steer. There is a Chelsfield Park thread on the ICSI board where we all chat (I'm not having ICSI but there's not enough of us to warrant threads on both IVF & ICSI boards !!). Why not come along & join us 

*Hi to everyone else...*

Good luck
Natasha


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann
You take care of yourself and eat and drink what you want for a few days.  
I'm due to test on Fri but dh really wants me to wait until Saturday so we can be together, so will probably wait even though it is doing my head in already!  .  I must admit I have felt fairly positive but today totally the opposite, I just feel like it hasn't worked.  I promise I will keep you posted, in the meantime take care of yourself

Love 
Suzy


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

had loads of lovely messages and emails from all at FF - is wonderful to have such a large network of people who know what you have been through and are experiencing.  This site is a lifeline and i have gotten loads of support through good times and bad!
I hope you all feel the same.

Joey - how was ET ??  its amazing to think those air bubbles on screen will turn into a baby isnt it !! Have everything crossed for you.  

Suzy - am getting excited for you - I know how hard it is to wait - will be some good will power if you do !!  I must admit i tested in the loo by myself just in case it was bad news then showed him as it was good news !!  Mind you i then did about 10 tests to make double sure !!

I have a sore throat after all the phone calls tonight - mums and dads etc - I am keeping stiff upper lip and thinking positive thoughts that at least we know i can do pregnancy - so chomping at the bit to get it over and start again.  Mind you am pooping myself about the miscarriage - its gonna hurt !!  forgotten what periods are like so getting a bad one isnt going to be fun !!

Hope you are all well

lots of love and wishes

ann

xx


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## Nicki W (Nov 1, 2006)

Ann
I'm so sad to hear that news.  I know it must be heartbreaking.  Sending you big hugs  
Nicki w


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi, how are you feeling today ? i guess with any sort of grief it sometimes gets worse before it gets better, my mum recently died and i thought i was coping OK but then it just suddenly hits you !!! so keep talking,  The full miscarriage will happen soon and although absolutely horrible it will be a start of putting it behind you. have they given you any further indication of how they will proceed. can you go to docs and get yourself some heavy duty painkillers? you are going to have to be really selfish and look after yourself and really put yourself 1st...
I know it sounds mad to ask you this,  but have you tried acupuncture ??  no I'm serious... you do not feel anything at all...it has taken me a year to pluck up the courage to go and when i did go i told him of my needle fears and that he may end up seriously hurt if i felt anything... i was petrified,just closed my eyes lay on the bed and hoped for the best,i didn't feel anything, something to think about, i could ask him if he knows a sympathetic practitioner in your area,it has really helped me....anyway have the best day you can, will be thinking of you..

my ET went well, had a grade 3 5 cell and grade 2 4cell put back in. they also scanned me as i had such a rough night the previous evening they thought my ovary may have been over stimulated, but all was OK. I had acupuncture straight after and that really eased my stomach cramps, so feeling good today. Glad i Had et yesterday i think i would have struggled through the snow to get there today! the whole of bloody London has come to a stand still... i will be staying in all day as so paranoid i will slip over, so is hubby,i do have a bit of a reputation of being accident prone, so will watch as many black and while movies as i can.

speak soon Joey x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

glad was all ok - its exciting isnt it - no matter how you look at it - you are pregnant with twins today !!  I have my fingers and toes and everything else crossed for you that they snuggle themselves in nice and tight.  xx

I am having a bit of a down day today - was full of positive attitude last night and talked my mum, dad, step parents, in laws etc out of suicide and convinced them all was well  - talked a real good talk !!  But this morning i got up and took my folic acid then started getting a nice bowl of cereal and cranberry juice all for the baby - then started loading my bag up with bananas and healthy things for snacks throughout the day - then i suddenly thought stupid cow - what am i doing not pregnant anymore and burst into tears - didnt want to come into work but once i got here and put on my managers head all has been numbed (for the time being) - might go home and open a bottle of wine or two !!

I know it isnt something you get over in 24 hours and feel lucky i got this far - but cant help feeling a failure and have let dh down - just hormones i think and the human need to blame something !!

writing and posting on here helps though as everyone has an idea of what i have already been through

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

just writing to say hi, how ya doing.
myself- i have been slobbing about on the sofa watching black and white movies for the last few days eating lots of biscuits.... trying to eat healthily but i think my body is missing its red wine and i am consoling myself with the biscuit fest !!!! i don't normally have a sweet tooth but so bored with "resting" i keep venturing into the kitchen and seem to have my snout constantly in the fridge- my thighs and stomach will not be thanking me !!!! what a porker.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

 yes i know what you mean - my Dh keeps trying to put a smile on my face and asked me how i was going to explain my weight now !!  for past 12 weeks i have used excuse that i am preggars to my advantage - am buggered now for a while !!  ha ha

I had a thing for prawn coctail crisps and red grapes !! and i lazed about in bed as soon as i got home from work - didnt lift a finger for 3 months (he has now learnt how to use the hoover and washing machine though !!)  I watched loads of movies - only trouble was i found myself crying to silly things - like john travolta in grease (white socks and black trousers thrusting his pelvis around!!) was hilarious - if i got happy or sad the ducts would open  

I have everything crossed for you - hoping for some good news soon xx

Suzy - any news yet or are you hanging on til tomorrow - am thinking of you xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning all

I am still a saddo who gets up at the crack of dawn !!  Have bought some work home and going to spend day catching up on what my understudy has cocked up !!! 

Suzy - any news yet ??  am so excited for you - praying it is good news   

how about you joey ??  how are you feeling ??

I was asked the other day if i felt that my baby had a soul and was up there with my grandparents - I had to reply actually NO and right now i want to stick my **** up at them all - they havent looked out for me one bit !!   

I am feeling very positive today (for now at least!) I just want to get cracking again whilst i have momentum.At our first appointment i did ask if we would have to inject again for FET, my consultant will make me do same d-reg as before - so know that i have those lovely buserelin injections to look forward too !!  Not sure how long for though and what other jabs you have yet - but have to say that not looking forward to it - getting stung everyday is not nice is it - going to get a bat this time and squat the little bugger every time it hurts !! 

Hope you are all online soon - cant wait to hear all the news 

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

morning , god but your up early  !!! glad you are feeling more positive. know what you mean about them upstairs...have always been certain for sure that someone was looking after us, but as my Mum died 4 months ago if i don't get a bfp then boy has she some explaining to do !!! 

with your last daily injections did you use the Elma cream ? i did, put it on an hour before and didn't feel a thing ( well only a icky biky sting 1 out of 5 injections with the bureslin!) but that was mainly if i had forgotton to put cream on intime   but i have to say i have a fair bit of flab for hubby to inject into...he says with all that padding how can i possible feel a small prick ! 

why do you have to down reg again


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Ha ha your post made me laugh - my hubby always commenting on my large proportion of bum and legs !!  also thought the more padding i had less it would hurt !!  joke hey !!

Our consultant likes to control your cycle so he can time it properly - have to say i have been reading loads since tuesday and prefer to have a go at medicated cycle rather than natural - will make me more confident - he never let me down last time !!  

Despite my phobia - my need to suceed is driven by the knowledge that i must do things properly - they did offer me the nasal spray but i would never be convinced i had right dose - at least with jab you know you have !  they thought i was weird too !!  but the consultant did understand where i was coming from.  They arent looking forward to seeing me again though - only just got their rooms back to normal and rid of the bruises ha ha !! 

when is your test date ??

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

blood test on 16th (i don't think so!) or hpt on the 18th, know which one i will be going for 

feel back to normal today, i had v.v. sore (.)(.) since last saturday which i think was caused by the trigger shot and lots of cramps since ec/et... but no more  am a bit concerened now that it's not worked, was feeling very positive b4.


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann

AF started yesterday and confirmed BFN this morning (as advised to still do by Dr)  

I'm pleased to see that you feel a bit more positive today.  I was very down yesterday but feel better about it today, ready to think about the next cycle!  I had the syneral (nasal spray), and you really dont have to worry about the getting the right dose.  The bottle tells you exactly how many doses it has and you start the next bottle after that time.  I found it fine, the taste is not great but you are allowed to eat and drink immediately, but after a while I got used to it.  

Good Luck Joeyt for your test date

Speak to you soon

Suzy xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Oh Suzy - am so sorry    its horrid isnt it - but we can all get through it together.  Any time you want a moan or feel down just have a whinge on here.

I have trouble with things up my nose - always makes me sneeze immediately afterwards - which is why i thought i would probably blow it all out - at least i cant do that with injections !!  plus the fun side of it is that you get to bash your dh for inflicting pain and he doesnt mind !! 

how are you both coping ??  I would gladly swap places with you and take your AF - i feel awful willing mine to come !!  I am very positive today, have had hundreds of mails and posts to wish me well and let me whinge !!  really helps.

Anything i can do let me know.

when will they review you for another go ??  do you have any in storage ??

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Just had good news - i won £23 on national lottery last night !!  yippee - first time in ages !! will put towards next cycle maybe it will bring luck


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

I'm feeling ok about it today.  I think because we have a bit of a plan!  We only had one embryo so none frozen unfortunately.  But I would like to go fo another cycle in 6 months.  This would allow both dh and me to lose a bit of weight.  I put on a bit over christmas then added a bit more during the cycle, so would like to lose a stone and start running again.  This time would also allow us to improve our diet with more fruit and veg, I'm very much into M&S ready meals!!  I also saw a bit of that programme about improving sperm with a smoothie diet! We can try this too, then in 3 mths get a SA done again and see if the swimmers have improved.  I also need to contact my nhs hospital to see where we are on the list, last April they said end 2007 but more likely 2008, but that may have changed by now.  Also I want to find out how much it is to go private but get our drugs on nhs.  So all in all not so bad.  Getting through this cycle has helped me no end with the needle phobia, although not cured, at least I know I CAN cope with them now, I still have to use Emla cream but did try icing too and that worked too, so at least I have 2 options!!

Together we can get through this!

Well done on the lottery win!

Suzy xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

I had my first go funded - was within 2 months of doctor writing letter !!  unfortunately it only covered me for the one cycle and nothing further so everything from here on in is paid for by us.  Some people get their FET following cycle for free and others on the site get 3 goes !!!  I have written to my local PCT to see if they will help me some more but i doubt it !!  no harm in asking though is there !!

our cyclogest wasnt funded by NHS and i have to say the first 20 after ET cost me over £50 at the Nurture clinic - but only 6.75 for 70 when i got them from our local pharmacy !!  so i will watch out for that this time.  It is going to cost £900 for the FET plus cost of drugs and blood tests/scans - i should be able to make some savings on the blood tests   at  £25 a go they can kiss my  

Have you contacted your primary care trust ??  doesnt hurt to try !

Will keep you posted - glad you dont feel like giving up - when we all started this journey we knew it wouldnt be easy - but we all have each other to get us through xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi Suzy, so sorry to hear you had a bfn, sending you a big   it's gruesome isn't it, i had 3 failed iui's and said after each go i wouldn't be able to cope with further treatment as it was all too heartbreaking, but after i got over the huge dissapointment i realised it was my dream and only i ( with a kind gift from hubby of course) could make it happen, you'll find the strength to keep going...onwards and upwards...it will happen to the 3 of us I'm sure..

Ann, great news on lottery win...and just think it will all go on Emla cream !!!  have another go this evening!!!! you never now..


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

just had a disaster - am doing some work from home (my young learner has been hiding it in her drawers and i didnt know she was behind !!) listening to westlifes top 100 love songs on magic and last two songs have triggered the most uncontrollable crying - couldnt stop it and now has given me a terrible nose bleed.

Shania Twain - from this moment on - started blubbing from the first few lines - managed to finish at the end of the song Show me Heaven !! - two bloody songs guaranteed to make you feel crap when you are an IVF patient !! It seems that every line made me feel awful - have now got michael jackson - you are not alone - i am here with you - gone from being really positive to really miserable - I feel so angry i could punch someone - when i get to the pearly gates i am going to kick god in the nuts !!!  he is a huge crapper !!  think i prefer the warmth of hell right now !!  i feel so frustrated - we are meant to protect our children and i have no way of helping mine - I am probably a control freak but never felt so helpless in all my life.

I want to turn the bloody station over - but know that a good cry probably wont hurt - just opened a bottle of wine too - might as well get blotto !!

sorry to rant - feel better for writing it out though

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Craig give me a cuddle, switched over to spice girls - always makes me smile - I would liken myself to gerry in her early day (except for red hair!) pretty wide and gobby !!

Has cheered me up no end - sorry for upset just needed to tyep and stop crying !!

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann, 

I'm so sorry things have worked out this way, you must be devastated. Please don't blame yourself though, it's not your fault. These things happen for no reason other than it wasn't meant to be this time.

Take care,

Love, CGxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi CG

life is just a rollercoaster isnt it - I think i am ok and am coping nicely and then have guilt pangs that i couldnt help my little one - I mean we are supposed to protect them arent we - I guess everyone who goes through a miscarriage feels like this - I have been keeping myself busy so not to let my mind wonder - but its strange how a few lyrics in a couple of songs can make you feel like the world is over again.

I am excited to have another go yet terrified at the same time - I dont want it to happen again - you can only pick yourself up so many times before you start to wonder why !

I guess this is all the grieving process - not too sure how to cope or react - one minute i am happy and sending laughs on the site - next reduced to a jibbering pile on the floor - I am usually such a strong person as well - always the first to take charge and control the situation - i think it will be better once it has miscarried and isnt inside me anymore constantly reminding me.

I dont know what i would have done without this site - its the only thing keeping me going - i cant talk to my friends or family - i dont want them to be upset and start me off and those that have miscarried before never saw their babies alive like i did, and in all cases fell pregnant within 2 months - they have called to support me - but i just feel angry with them - they were all able to go hae sex and reproduce - its not quite that simple for us is it !!  i know it isnt their fault - its just my emotions.

will pick myself up - but not before i hit the bottom of this lovely bottle of wine !!  then i will just sleep - one bottle and i will sleep for hours !!  

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, sorry to read you had a s*** time at the weekend.... i hope the crying made you feel a tinsy winsy better, better out than in !!!! bummer on the nose bleed though! 
when's your next appointment?

my nerves are in shreds with all this waiting malarky    off to another acupuncture,see if he can calm me down


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi there

got ****** yesterday with my mate - am suffering through a hangover today  

No show on miscarriage yet though.

When do you test ??

x


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

good effort on the hangover 

blood test on friday   or HPT on Sunday,


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Home pregnancy test wins hands down !!  

We were looking at the charges for the next cycle - made hubby chuckle when i told him we could make huge savings by omitting the blood tests !!  at £25 a pop i reckon i could save a fortune !!  

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

hope you are all well

are you getting excited Joey ??  how are you feeling ??

I still havent got any signs of miscarriage - so hanging on in here, praying for it to start soon.  

anybody get anything nice for valentines??  this is the first year i have got a card about love - usually get a daft one about being a fat lard bottom with hairy chest ha ha  

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Glad your DH is looking after you! Mine's in Spain this week on business so I got a text and phone call and a hurriedly written card just before he headed off on Sunday  I'm sure I can milk his absence at the weekend  

If I were you I'd probably keep drinking til everything is over. It's not surprising you're tearful I can't imagine how it must feel for you to have to wait to miscarry. Is there nothing the Drs can do for you?

I really do hope it starts soon for you as the anticipation of it must be awful and all those hormones knocking about can't help. 

Just wanted to say take care and cry rant or whatever when you need to - it's far better that you get those old emotions out rather than keep them in. 

Sending you lots of hugs     

CG xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi glad to see your hubby is being an angel.. i had some lovely flowers, cards and tea in bed this morning...ahhhhhhhhh !!!! bless him !! and just come back from stuffing my face at a tapas bar. My husband is in shock at the amount of food i have been managing to shovel back, not only tonight but the last week or so...   

am trying not to think about the next couple of days, would kind of like to just float in ignorant bliss  

can the docs not do anything for you or give you anything  as CG says above, i'd just drink my way through it i think     hope you have some good buddies around you to help with this scenario.

take care Joey x


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann
I was just checking in to see how you are.  Hope you're bearing up ok.

Joeyt have you tested yet?  Good luck    

Suzy


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## hobbesy (Nov 22, 2006)

Not been too good at checking this thread as for a while it was making me more nervous about the whole needle thing!

Ann, I'm so soory you went through all this to not get a happy result at the end. I hope you will try again, and we'll all be ehre to support you

I've found for myself the more plannign we do, and the more it seems like things are really going ahead the less I have been stressing about the injections. I'm sure when the time comes it will be a different matter, but if the feeling sick about it has just eased off for now thats something

Keri -x-


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

had blood test this morning- still waiting for the results....


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

am excited for you Joey - cant believe you had blood test though !!   I will opt for HPT every time ha ha !!

I still havent started miscarriage but am going to wait for it to happen naturally - its the one thing i can do myself and so owe it to myself to try.  I have next appointment on Tuesday.

I have sent DH away this weekend to see his brother in wales and get bladdered - I have got my mate coming over tomorrow lunch and we fully intend to use our time constructively in the pub !!!

I will be back later to see how you do joey

love to you all

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

well, as i had a bit of spotting yesterday i thought the only defo way of knowing would be to go for the blood test !!!!! and not wait until sunday to do the hpt..and also if it was a defo no then could have a few wee wines at my brother-in-laws emigration party on Saturday !!!! 
anyway pitched up this morning displaying an arm covered with Elma and my hubby in tow ,it's the only appointment he has been with me to ever !!!!! and it lasted all of 2 mins..!! anyway they explined that the result could be a positive,negative or an unqiveracable (sp?) i.e. not positive but then again not negative...as soon as she mentioned this final option i knew ,just knew that that would be me!!!! you know when you just know ? 
anyway 6 tense hours,1 manicure andseveral goes at my darling husband later, the clinic calls, and yep the result is unqiveracable.........so have to have another test on Monday morning  you just gotta laugh !!!!


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

HE HE put a smile on my face - no beer for you then !!  Not to worry - will sink one for you - whats your favourite tipple ?  will make sure i drink one for you !!  - and please dont say whisky !!

We went to tenerife to the bahia principe hotel (been to the one in dominican replubic which was fab so thought we would try this one) - it was amazing !!  - anyway one night this couple joined our table - the place is an all inclusive and did the most wonderful pina colada   - me and craig enjoying our little drinky poos and this couple announce they are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary or something and would we like a nice drink (me thinks its all inclusive - why offer to buy drinks !! ) anyway they were talking about champers which isnt all-in if you want the good stuff - cheap stuff is like asti but thats ok cos i like it !!  - so he trots back to table and informs us no bollinger would we like something else - so i ask for another pina colada - he says no have a proper drink - i am happy with pina colada as was craig and so declined - his wife then said - please join us for a nice drink - how about a whisky??  we both hate whisky so declined - they were ever so dissapointed - we both killed ourselves laughing and wondered when we would grow up enough to move on to the big stuff instead of getting lathered on drinks that sparkle !!  

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

, you are funny !!!!! do you think we will ever get to the age where we say "ohh make mine a single malt " ??
have a large cosmopolitan for me will you ! with all the bells and whistles...


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

You got it - just getting ready for her arrival - had a tesco wine delivery today and we have a shed outside that we converted into a bar so made sure it was fully stocked ready for coctails !!  mind you i am so out of practice now will probably be drunk within an hour !! plus we bought in loads of shooters for christmas that i havent been able to try - so got the shot glasses ready !

Steamed my kitchen floor - just in case i need to sleep there later !! 

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hope the kitchen floor was suitably comfortable and the hangover is coming along OK...


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

He he

made it to the living room floor !!  had a great day, went to the pub for a swift half - got in about 6.30 - not sure how - had managed about 6 pints by then !!  I jumped on a hedge and where it was so thick just bounced off - my mate decided to throw herself at my hedge - only it isnt a hedge it is a set of dwarf conifers with space in between them - so she just fell straight through - was very funny and makes me chuckle to think of it now - thankfully she was so drunk it didnt hurt her !!

We fell asleep at 8 (her on my sofa bed and me on the floor!) dont even know why we made the sofa bed up - have sky in the bedrooms   seemed to make sense at the time !!  then we woke at 10.30 and did it all again - this time 3 bottles of wine, talked non stop and then made it up to bed about 2am - although once bed started spinning i got out and slept on the floor    woke up at 7am where the dvd noise was doing our heads in - forgot to switch it off before passing out !!

Hangover lasted all day !!

feel great today though - still no signs of miscarriage though.  I have hospital tomorrow to discuss options, but i am happy to hang on for natural miscarriage if they will let me.

Have you tested again today ??  any results yet ??  have my fingers crossed for you

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

had a much nicer experience today.  The baby is still there but definately doesnt have a heartbeat and hasnt grown in the last two weeks, confirming that it is no longer an ongoing pregnancy again !

I had a different sonographer who was much more sympathetic and saw a doctor and councellor.  They are happy for me to go another two weeks to try and miscarry naturally but on the 6th march will have to advise me to take action if nothing has occurred. I have discussed options and think i will try the pill option - but obviously am praying that it will miscarry soon.

There were others in the clinic all experiencing different types of miscarriage - one was bleeding but baby still ok, another miscarried completely can now try again, a youngster who had miscarried with lots of blood but the sac was still there and would now have to have it medically removed and then me !  All of them felt so sorry for me and gave me a cuddle and best wishes before they left which i thought was lovely.  

I think i might have a wine or two tonight with my pancakes !!

Hope everyone else is ok

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi, the weekend sounded great, just what you needed i think- a big blast with a girlie friend. know what you mean, have done a far amount of hedge diving in my time, and tackling a dwarf conifer sounds fairly scary to me!!!! 

i am so glad that you had a better experience at the clinic today, it seems they where so much more sympathetic and glad they are steering you in the right direction.it's going to be hard hun, but i think, hope and pray that you have the tenacity and strenght to get thru it 

i was unsure how/when/wether to metion it,as i didn't want to upset you,but here goes... i had a bfp yesterday, i had a nerve wracking weekend and went for another blood test yesterday morning, they said don't get you hopes up, which made me feel awful as i had been feeling v.positive..anyway they called back and said that my beta hgc levels had risen from 18 on Friday to 51 Monday. so all looks good, although i am still so nervous have asked for another blood test next Monday....i know i must be mad- but i will feel better just knowing if things are progressing nicely! been manically peeing on sticks and taking my temperature... 

don't know what to say other than i am thinking of you. 

Joey x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

wahey - thats wonderful news !!  I am thrilled - well done - I have been thinking about you - was hoping you would post yesterday - but making me wait one more day is fine too.

Is hubby thrilled ??  I will be with you soon trust me !!  I dont intend to stay unpregnant for long !!

Honestly, dont be afraid to talk about the pregnancy, baby etc - remember i was the newbie once !!  I think its great and it gives me hope - i remember how i felt and will feel again - If you were some dole waller with 20 children already and the pregnancy was unplanned then i would be mega ****** - but you arent - you are someone who has worked very hard and is very deserving!!  remember that !!

i am sending you lots of love, hugs and kisses and cant wait to hear all your stories as we all go through it with you      

you have bought sunshine to my day  I will raise a little glass of wine for you !!

xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

sweetie,thank you- you've started me blubbing (again!)- i am turning into a right southern softy..( originally a northern hard nut)

i am only giving you a starter for 10- you will catching me up pretty soon..


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

Not sure if i am starting to get period pains or just got wind - but definately got some sort of movement in there tonight - so fingers crossed everyone.

Hope you all ok

lotsa love

me

xx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Congratulations Joeyt, that is fantastic news, just take extra special care of yourself now.    

Ann, hang in there hun, am thinking of you, I hope it works out without anymore mediacal intervention for you.

I have a follow up appt for 14 March and we are thinking of jumping back on this rollercoaster around July time, if we can.

Suzy
xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, how you doing  anything happened yet? if so i dearly hope it all went as smooth as these things can go and that you didn't have a needle in site of you - or god help the man or woman who tried to !!! serioulsy though am thinking of you and sending a big  your way. post when you can.
lots of love x x x    

Suzy, thanks hun that means a lot..thats really good news about your app and that you're thinking of starting again in July,who knows it may be less stressful at that time of year ,all seems better in the summertime with long sunny days and good weather, i always think that time of year is good for the soul...good luck... keep us posted on how your app goes on 14th, best of luck with it x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I just wanted to report in and let everyone know it has started, I know it sounds silly to be happy about such a thing - but i am.  I can now rest at ease knowing that i can do one thing properly !!  although knowing my luck the pain will become unbearable and i will end up riding in an ambulance and admitted to hospital for pain relief ! 

I felt something move yesterday, I cant explain it but it was a weird feeling like something had fell away, then nothing last night.  I got up for a wee in middle of night and still nothing.  Then at 6 when i got up i wiped and there was a small amount of blood, wiped again and there was a lovely clot.  I just felt total relief, I am at home so just where i wanted to be.  I know to some it will sound pretty sick but to me it is the only chance i have to do something myself.  It will make me feel more woman like and not so useless.

I dont have too much pain at the moment, just a dull ache and odd feeling in my minnie (or lady garden as others say)

I know it will all be over soon and we can move on.  I will make a review appointment for next couple of weeks and hope to get cracking again as soon as they will let me.

Now i have been pregnant i just want to be there again - even though i was a whinging moaning minnie through all of it !!  promise not to be next time !!  And whilst i do keep it real and know there is also a possibility it may never happen - I dont believe that for a second !!  

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, sorry not had a computer for the last day !!!! 
oh ann, at last !!! i think we all understand what you mean and no it does not sound silly at all. you have been so brave waiting it out you really have. it was the hardest way to do it and you have done it. i am sure it will be all still raw and emoitional, god and i hope it's not too painful. take care of your self now hun, hope you get to relax over the weekend and have a few wines....


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

not sure what has happened but all bleedin, clots and pain stopped - as i only passed a handful of small clots and bleeding wasnt heavy i guess it was just a warm up for the main event !

I got dreadfully drunk last night to the point where i accidentally put my thumb nail through my pants after going to the loo, hubby thought it would then be funny to make the hole even bigger whilst i passed out on the floor !!  was sick in a bucket and my hair ! and got up with a very sore head !!  all in the name of fun hey !! 

I was convinced drinking would bring it back on as it usually helps me with my periods.  I have now decided that as i have had a small bleed if it doesnt come on in next few days i will take action - after blarring for hours last night and feeling so angry i think i could kill someone with my bare hands (MIL never in sight when you need one !!  ) - i think its probably time i admitted defeat !!

I think i will have an alcohol free day today !!

hope everyone else ok

love

me

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi you, you are a riot  .......

you must be spitting feathers by now  are you sure there is meant to be more  that may have been it and you then you get your period !!!!...what did they say at the clinic?.. i would say if nothing else happens and it's meant to, then go and see the clinic and get some intervention, you have tried so hard sweetie, it will not mean a defeat.

i think you deserve a bloody mary to help the hangover followed by a big fat boy meal.

hubby's a real comdedian eh ! i would cut a hole in the crotch of his undies whilst he is asleep tonight, just to even out the score 

j x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

hi Joey

thanks for the support - just had a right giggle at your response !!  woman after my own heart !!

We have had a lengthy discussion over a few bottles of wine today and decided that i will book myself in for a D & C tomorrow - so probably be tuesday for op !!  I do feel defeated but i am now at risk of infection and dont want to chance that so will take the better odds of a medical intervention !!

I need to get on the cycle again before i lose confidence !! Mind you think i will be joining britney in rehab first !!

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann,

Don't see it as defeat - you've been so strong. I really admire you for holding out this long - I'd have gone for medical intervention a long time ago.

Hope Tuesday goes ok and you're back on the pop   before too long - just make sure there are no scissors near by or hubby might think Britney's new haircut might suit you 

Take care hun,

CG xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi.... well good am glad that you have sorted it out in your mind that is what you are going to do, i think it's the right thing and as you say you need to start focusing on your next cycle... let me know if it is Tues,will be thinking of you and sending you positive vibes that is all over as quick as poss...and remember you are allowed to scream and cry as much as you feel you need to...( good excuse to thump a few people !) 

you have been so brave thru all of this, you're nearly there sweetie just hold it together for a few more days....

lol


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

just to let you know i am booked in for D & C tomorrow at 9am - me and the aneasthatist have a date  

I got so drunk yesterday, took me until now to start feeling human again !!  I am really scared and very frightened that i will be the one bloody person who it all goes wrong for and wont be able to get pregnant again.  

I am going for tea with my dad - who had an hour of me sobbing down the phone at him yesterday !!  I seem to have lost all my bravado and feel like a little lost lamb at the moment - sure i will pick up once the whole thing is over 

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

been up since 3am - already wound myself up - the Emla cream going to get a work out today !!

I started bleeding again last night - is much heavier and more painful than last time - but still going in to get it sorted.  i need closure now.

Just off to wake up DH - ready for his rollercoaster ride with me today !!  He must have the patience of a saint - I will no doubt scream, cry have a tantrum and totally embarass him in front of lots of strangers - all in a good cause though hey ! 

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

oh ann, wishing you the best of luck today....you probably won't get this til you come home.

i couldn't email yesterday, had a bit of a drama..... this will make you laugh !!!!!
i somehow   managed to smash my thermometer on the desk !!!! anyway the mercury spilled everywhere and hubby had a fit saying i was poisoning myself and little one.......anyway we googled "breaking a mercury thermometer" and an USA site came up advising to basically burn the house down and rebuild !!!!! we had a major panic, screaming at each other... well more like hubby screaming at me really !!!! anyway in tears i phoned nhs direct, by the time they called back we had taken drastic action and decided to cut a huge whole out of the carpet where the mercury had fallen.... anyway nhs direct said all was OK nothing to worry about... we felt like the biggest pair of eedjits !!!
so couldn't email as i was banned ( just in case !!!!!) from coming into the study...and we now have a big hole in the carpet under the desk...

let me know how it goes...i am sure all with go well, but so desperate for you that you have to go thru all this... you are so,so brave..... 
i hope you exercised those vocal chords...

lots of love and hopefully some peace now x


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Great story Joeyt    
I can imagine it wasn't funny at the time, but you will look back and laugh one day (I hope!!)

Ann, good luck today hun, we're all rooting for you.  Lets hope that Emla cream works a treat.

Suzy


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi suzy, yeah i know it's funny looking back on it ! i'm sure there is more hilarious/scary moments to come.

Ann ,hope all went well today, i expect by now you are hooked up to an intevenous drip of wine !!!!!

let me know how you are, really been thinking of you today


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Hope all went as well as it could today, have been thinking of you hun. You've been amazing to get through all this with humour and I'm sure that's what will help you achieve your dream really soon.

Joeyt - fantastic story, tho shame about your carpet   Shame you didn't find a restrained British site ahead of the ott american site!! No wonder you took extreme action  

CG xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi ann, just so you know i am still thinking of you, wishing you well and hoping you're back up and jumping into hedgs pretty soon x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

Thanks for all the lovely messages.  Joey - was great story - we would probably do the same - i know the internet is great but agree some of the advice can be a little ropey especially from the bigger better usa sites !! 

We have been through the mill a bit over last few days, either i have picked up something nasty from the five star service that is NHS or its all catching up  with me !  

They put me on an emergency list on tuesday - what they didnt explain to me was that if someone else was more critical they went ahead of us.  So we arrived there at 9am all emla creamed up - pooping myself thinking i would be first in - what a joke - they left me in a day room for 3 hours, sobbing and winding myself up - with craig getting stressed watching me getting stressed !!!  

Then at 12pm they gave me a bed, popped me in a gown and told me it would be anytime, doctors came to see me, we thought we were on our way - then they left me for 4 hours in my bed, curtains drawn around waiting - apparently there were two major car crashes that needed the theatres !!  The miscarriage had started again and i was in terrible pain - i cannot believe how i was left for so long in such pain with no one explaining anything.  

At 4.30 i had reached breaking point, i went to the main desk and explained that I hadnt had anything to eat or drink since 10pm the night before and hadnt seen anyone for hours - so they offered me a drip !! Craig did a divvy for me - it seemed that despite my state and the fact we were constantly explaining my phobia they chose to act dumb !! The emla cream that had now been on my hands for 8 hours had gone red under the patches and craig made me take it off, this then sent me into blind panic that my hands were now unprotected if they called and i knew i couldnt have new stuff as they were now sore ! they gave me some premeds to calm me down and that worked until 7pm then i just sat and sobbed, i wanted to discharge myself but they promised i would go down that night. 

The only thing that saved me was this little old dot in the next bed - she needed the loo - so they closed her curtain and sat her on a commode, trouble was she needed a number two - so she let out the loudest ripper followed by an "ooh excuse me" - well me and craig wet ourselves, but it didnt stop there - the poor old dear (about 86) really really needed to go and we heard every splash, splutter and gazunk that she had - we couldnt do anything for laughing - had pillows stuffed over our faces and were chuckling like darstadlys muttley !!  It went on for about an hour too - i bet they had to blow torch that pan clean !!  probably had to wipe her shoulders blades when she got off too - it sounded pretty wet in places !!   trouble was after first bomb was away we got smell effects too !! 

By 9pm i still hadnt gone and decided enough was enough - i wasnt spending the night there - then they came for me !!  We hadnt taken in any overnight bag or money or phones thinking i would be in and out, tey had promised i wouldnt be admitted and have to spend the night there.

I had a real problem with being put under and last thing i remember is a nurse screaming that i was breaking her arm and she would have other patients to help.  The anaestatist started smacking my hand and i tried to get up and smack him - all very vocal too apparently !! They left a drip in me so i had divvy at the recovery people and upset a young nurse, then cried for hours as craig had to leave me there at about 10.45pm  and i was opposite some serious operations where tubes and drips coming out of peoples beds all over - just what a needlephobic person needs hey !!  at 2am i threatened the night staff and made them remove everything from my hand that was there - I have never felt such pain - it felt like the tube was being dragged all the way from my elbow !!  No-one will ever do that to me again i tell you !!! I had no sleep as was in pain.  They left me in a pool of my own blood and i had to ask for a new pad and some knickers.

The doctors came to see me about 11am yesterday and suggested i see a pyschiatrist !!  apparently under GA they had asked them to get blood - that was never going to happen and it would seem i got violent and frightened the anaestatist - he stuck a needle in my wrist and tried to get blood but whatever i did scared him and he only managed a dribble - so they only just managed to test my blood - something to do with me and the baby having same blood group.  Doctor thinks i need help !!!  what a bloody joke - if they had listened in the first place !!

It has scared the hell out of me and i dont think i am going to get over this one in a hurry - I will pay to have it done privately if it happens again god forbid - am pretty scared about next cycle now too.

The NHS and Mr Blair have much to answer too !!

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

oh my god ann !!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a complete balls up, of all the people to have to go thru that !!! i most certainly hope you where vocal !! that is just awful treatment, yes, we all know the health service is over stretched and under funded, and yes there where probably busy ....but there is no,no,no excuse for ignoring the fact you are needle phobic and where having a severely bad time... and as for the wait with out any info etc...appalling, oh my dear you have been thru the mill and poor Craig, his hair must have all come out by now surely !!!

Well the old dear next to you added some vital entertainment to the day by the sounds of things...so glad to see you managed to retain some humour throughout the day.

hmmm wonder what they meant about the blood groups ?? did they tell you anything else... being looking in my books, are you rhesus negative blood group 
hopefully you can find out what this all means when you go for your next app at the clinic ...

i know this has really freaked you out and i can see why, but the worst is over you just have to battle back... remember that dream you have ? well thats what you are doing all this for...don't ever give up.

i don't know wether you remember the wizard of oz movie  in it the lion thought he was cowardly and wanted to wear a meddle to make himself strong and brave ...so the wizard gave him a meddle for bravery and the lion became brave and strong....this is your meddle my dear, you are brave you are strong, you have just shown exactly what you can come thru.. wear your meddle with honour !!! 
but in all honestly like the lion you didn't need the medal,your bravery was there in your heart all along!!

soppy but true x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Thanks Joey

yes craig is gutted - he had to sit by and watch and felt very helpless - but we keep laughing about the poor old dear !!  I know this one has done lots of damage though as i can normally giggle about my trauma afterwards - but this time i get butterflies just thinking about that needle in my hand - I am having tomorrow off work too and will just rest up and try to forget it - once i can push it to the back of my mind i will be olay to start again.

I have bupa cover and have been frantically reading through the small print - I think that miscarriages may have been covered although it does state that any treatment from IVF is not covered so i am not sure how i stand, going to call them next time though - I do know i can never go through that again !!

how are you feeling ??  when is your scan ??

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi how are you feeling today  hopefully a tad better and the nightmare of the hospital is starting to fade, but will take time i'm sure...

i am feeling ok, have my scan a week on Wednesday..

off up to see my dad in Liverpool this weeeknd with my sister, we have the task of clearing our mums wardrobe out.. so will no doubt be v.v emotional... seem to cry at the slightest thing at the mo!!! was watching a prog on bbc1 this morning about someone tracing there family, was in floods !!!!!! what that all about  hubby thinks i'm mad !!! he has just gone off to south africa for a wedding, i was meant to go, but didn't want to fly so early on, so pushed him to still go.. he can get ****** without his very sober missus frowning at him.. 

hope you and craig manage to get some rest this weekend, you must both be shattered....( he sounds like a top bloke by the way ) x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

Yes craig is a top bloke - but dont get me wrong, certainly not perfect !!  he is the sort of chap that leaves his socks on the floor - which our spaniel then distributes around the house and garden, his side of the bed is totally gross and i dont like to pick things up in case they are able to run away from me !!  plus many more faults - he is a bit of an emotional retard as i call him and cant deal with family stuff - his idea is to block it out and all will be fine !!  but when it comes to me there isnt anything he wouldnt do for me (well apart from clean the bathroom & loo  )  This whole thing has upset him very much - as he is the one that wantd children the most and he has to ask me to go through this - which is killing him a little bit, I have to say though that now i have been pregnant, i have an overwhelming desire to be pregnant again.

I have contacted nurture to get my review appointment and will jump back in to the saddle as soon as they let me.

Mind you - I am not sure what lovely disease i have picked up from the NHS - but my hand has come out in blisters, its very sore and itchy.  I am still bleeding quite heavy too - but apparently quite normal - I do feel much better today although perhaps a bit teary.

Hope things go well for you in liverpool.

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi, how are you doing  hope your feeling a better this week and had a chance to fully rest over the weekend. Boy i bet you where glad to see the back of last week. any news on when you can see the clinic again, glad that you feel like getting straight back in the saddle again.

had an OK time in l.pool but it was quite hard, so been feeling a bit down this week,i am having no pg signs (other than sore boobs, but that could be the cyclogest!) so beginning to feel like it's all a big joke, I'm really sorry now that i moved my scan until nxt week. i was originally going to have it yesterday but asked for it to be changed to nxt week, as after the palaver over the blood tests and the 1st results being low, i thought may be we where scanning to early and it would only freak me out... wish i had had it done now... anyway will have to wait until nxt weds....just wishing some pregnancy symptoms would click in to reassure me.. did another hpt this morning, that came up positive before i even put in down and my temp is still consistently high , so perhaps i need to just stop worrying, but it is hard... 

anyway let me know how your doing..


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann and Joeyt

Ann:  I hope you are over your traumatic ordeal now.  I feel for you I really do.  I wish I had some answers for you, but unfortunately I haven't.  It's a real shame the hypnotherapy didn't work for you.  It has changed my life and I seriously am not exaggerating.  I am still very nervous but at least I'm not like jelly on the floor at just the thought of an injection anymore.  Getting through the ivf treatment is like a miracle, I never ever thought in a million years I would ever be able to do it and yet here I am restless to do it all over again!  Could the redness be from the Emla cream?  You did have it on ever such a long time.  Anyway I hope you are ok, but like Joeyt said, please don't ever give up just because of the needles.  You can get through it again.

Joeyt, I'm sure the pg symptoms will arrive soon.  If the hpt was positive and your temp is up then it's all pretty certain things are ok.  Remember it's important to stay calm and relaxed.  Take care of yourself.

I have an appt next Thurs as a follow-up to the negative cycle.  So, we'll just have to wait and see when we can get going again.  I have put dh on a spermy boosting smoothie diet  !!  Fortunately the smoothies are really nice, although getting 2 a day done is quite tough going.  We both work pretty long hours, but so far so good.  Lets just hope it works!

Take care

suzy


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi Suzy...thanks... i know i just need to chill out a bit.  
i agree on the hypnotherapy it really helped me as well, and i only had a couple of sessions.
good luck with your appointment I'm sure you will be able to get started pretty soon. let me know how it goes. 
hmmm the smoothies sound yummy... and tell me about it, they do take ages to do..i went on a juice and smoothy detox about a year ago...it lasted all of 4 days before the most expensive juicer on earth was thrown very quickly into the back of the cupboard never been used again !!! 

Ann i see from some other posts today you are feeling really rotten..so sorry to hear that and thinking of you


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

they have started to call me the devil woman at work again - they preferred me pregnant and docile !!  I am now back to full steam ahead - been climbing up and down ladders, jumping over packs of wood and generally being my usual hitler self !  I still have down moments - i just so want to be preggars again - cant wait to get started again (although a little nervous that it may never happen - have to keep it real and it is definately a possibility)

My hand is just one huge scab now - but clearing up - I have also had my lymph glands up for last week - but they are now retreating as well so hopefully by next week will feel back to my old self.

The hypnotherapy worked for me too   hell before it i would never even leave my house !!   but i often wonder if it did help or if i just grew up a bit.  Before i was 30 i would get so hysterical and look like i was having a fit - now i hold out my hand/arm and whilst the rest of my body is in spasm and my mouth is emptying every foul word it knows - my hand or arm remain completely still   so the nurse/anaesthatist can do their job ??  work that one out !! 

I cant wait to start again - have picked the fratellis - la la la song (dont know the real title) as my next one - have mp3 player blowing my ear drums off so that i dont think about craig stabbing me with the needle - works for me !!!  that song always makes me smile too - so will help me to keep happy thoughts going on.

Joey - try not to worry - everybody has different symptoms, mine was insomnia and sore boobs, just thank your lucky stars it isnt morning sickness !! my cycle buddy is pregnant with twins and had practically 3 months off work with her hed down loo - she is doing ok now though.

Suzy - I am hoping for reveiw in next week or two and willing to start as soon as they will let me - so maybe we will be cycling at same time.

love n hugs to you all

xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Glad you're almost back to normal - bet you're work colleagues have missed the old you  

Try not to overdo things, especially if you're about to get back on the roller coaster.

Wishing you loads of luck next time around.

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I now have my review appointment - its the 17th april so will be at least may before i start again - seems like ages away but i am sure it will be here all too soon, time seems to go by so much quicker when you get older doesnt it.

I have this awful empty feeling at the moment - its a bit like eating a chocolate bar and really enjoying it - then nipping in to the kitchen to get a cuppa and going back to find someone has eaten the rest of the bar !!  I feel like i have lost something or misplaced it - its a very weird feeling - guess it must be hormones.

I have started to take the dog out walking - going to atempt to get up 1/2 hour earlier every day and walk the mut in an attempt to get fit    took him out this mrning though for a really long walk and now he is laying at my feet sulking because we came home !!  you just cant win !! 

How is everyone else ??  hope you all doing well 

sending loads of hugs n love

me
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Morning Ann,

After all you've been through it's not surprising you feel a bit empty and strange now things are finally over. I'm sure with time you'll feel a bit better   

The 17th of April will be here in no time so enjoy the drug free weeks between now and then   Think of it as "me time" and treat yourself to those long walks with the dog - he might even get to like them   now the weather is getting better.

After all you've been through a few weeks off is probably what you need - is there any chance you and DH can get away for a few days? When you start will you do some FETs instead of a fresh cycle? Seem to remember you had a few embies on ice.

I'm starting my second cycle of IVF on Tuesday (3 weeks of the dreaded DR to look forward to  ) I remember thinking 3 months was far too long to wait between cycles but it isn't, your body needs a break from all the stress it goes through and the time flies by - well it does at my age which is not good  

Love & luck CG xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi all, been away for a few days so not been able to post....
Ann glad to hear you are sounding as though you are getting back on form, bet they are just loving you at work   probably don't know what's hit them in the last week eh !! yes it must feel empty at the moment, you had so much going on and had so much to deal with that it must all seem a bit flat right now... but it will come round sooner than you think, and before you know it you will be biting into that pillow and glaring wild eyed at Craig as he tries to wrestle you to the ground with a needle grasped in his sweaty palm..i can just picture it now!!!!!!!!!!!! bring it on.......... 

CG, i think you are starting tonight, lots of luck i am keeping my fingers and thumbs crossed for you on this one...good luck, sending you lots of      i really hope all goes well, just remember we are with you all the way... sending a big   tonite to send you on your way...

i have my scan tomorrow afternoon, i am getting sooooo nervous so wish me luck, well lets wish us all the best of luck... 

take care for now . x x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

just wrote a lovely long post and accidently deleted it all - isnt that a bummer when it happens !!!

Joey - will be thinking about you, what time is the scan ??  have my fingers crossed for double whammy of twins !!  - enjoy every minute sweeetheart, its wonderful when the heartbeat pops up on screen.

CG - have you done first jab ??  poor you - have that to look forward to - may cant get here quick enough (ha) - have good reason to thump hubby every night and get away with it  

lots of love n hugs to all

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

thanks, scan is at 2.30... will post later that day to let you know how it has gone. x


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

no heartbeat !!!! i am absolutley in shock, hubby is too. had the scan and they could see a baby but could not see/hear a heartbeat ! they have told me to go back next week for another scan but not to hold out much hope, as there should of been a hearbeat by now.....

think my little heart is in pieces......


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Joey I am in pieces for you - I know that feeling - that emptiness - that horrible sinking feeling when all is not well, i have cried for you but i know it wont help.  if there is anything i can do.

Why cant something go right for us - why all this heartache and misery, please dont give in though, stay strong and lean on us - we can all get through this together

 

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

One of the ladies on my posts has left this poem which really sums it up - so i thought i would add it here

Dont Quit

Dont let this thing beat you
Fight it all the way
Have determination
Take it day by day

It's hard but it's important
For you to soldier on
Lots of people care for you
I know because, Im one.

And believe me their are many more
Who think the world of you
So don't give up this battle
Believe me... you will Come though
<anon>


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

oh Ann thank you... as you will know i am in tears, my boobs no longer hurt and all symptoms have gone, so i guess there is no hope... i am at an utter loss on what to do... i just cannot believe it, my whole world has just come crashing down and words are not enough for how i feel...i just feel lost and so helpless... all i want is my mum and she is not here.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Joey

I know sweetheart - i was the same, I wanted my dad but i didnt call for him as i didnt want him to see how bad i was.  I have had days where i felt i was self dustructing - always blaming myself for being childless and not hanging on to the little one.

Now i feel lost because i didnt know the sex of the baby, dont know what to call that chapter of my life.  I feel empty and lost - but every day i pick my sorry bum out of my bed and struggle through the day listening to other people talk about their children and what pains they are with a blank feeling because i know that i would cherish every moment and not moan about what a pain they are because of what an achievement it would be to become a mum.

I have no great ideas on how to make you feel better - all i know is that i truly do understand the pain you have and that horrible lost feeling.  

I want to tell you the same as they told me - try to get some comfort from knowing that you have got pregnant so it is possible to do so - hopefully now your body is aware that it can do it next try might be the one.  I hope you wont see this as the end and will try again - you know where i am if you need me - god if you read back through some of the posts i have made its a wonder someone hasnt shot me to put the world out of its misery !  so i do understand and i also know that any day now you are going to need to rant and rave about what a w***er the big man is and how life is unfair - i will be here to listen 

love always

ann

xxxxx


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## suzyboo (Nov 16, 2006)

Dear Joey

I am so so sorry to hear your sad news.
I really don't know what to say  
Take care of yourself

Suzy


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

today will be a crap day for all of us i think - would have been my first as a mum (well technically baby should have been 17 weeks now)  I ought to have a bump and be fussed over, have nice card, some flowers pamper day etc (well i was dreaming a little  ) instead i have a bottle of vodka and some very tearful times ahead.

My thoughts are with you all as i know you will be feeling the same

love always

ann

xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi ann,tell me about it.... i know y/day was not a good day was it... i thought that as it would be the 1st mothers day without my mum at least having little beanie would make it bearable...how foolish was that  
had been in agony all weekend with cramps and bleeding, and finally at 8pm last night our darling beanie finally left us.  
i have spoken to the clinic and they said that hopefully i will now not need any medical intervention, which after your experience i hope they are right,cos i don't want to go into hospital. they will scan me again on wednesday to see if all is clear... i hope it is and i can start to move on...

my thoughts where with you yesterday

take care x

CG, HOW ARE YOU  YOU HAVE NOT POSTED FOR A WHILE ! LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE . X


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning all

hope everyone is feeling ok.  How about this snow then !!  I love it - wish there was more though - and why is it only during the working week - never at weekends is it !!!

I havent been taking the dog out though in the mornings - he doesnt like getting cold feet ! 

We decided at weekend to re-mortgage the house and buy a motorhome - then get about at weekends, its something we have always wanted to do but thought we would wait until we could afford it - with ivf  and costs that will be never - and after recent events we thought bugger it and will live for the moment - going to get enough to cover the two treatments we have set ourselves.

Anybody else thinking about starting soon ??

love always

ann

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

hope you are all ok and the unhappiness subsiding a little.  I have good days and bad days - weird to think i would be 18 weeks on saturday - almost half way - but never mind - going out with the MIL just to depress myself !!

took the dog out this morning - seem to be putting weight on not off - reckon its turning to muscle which weighs heavier !!  well thats my excuse (couldnt be the wine, cider and cheeky halfs !!  )

On another note - if anyone wears a uniform to work that they wash themselves - there is a possibility of getting £45 a year back dated in tax relief - worth a try - let me know and i will forward the details.

anyway - have a good day - lots of love n hugs

ann
xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi Ann, hope your week has been ok, i have had a pretty mixed one, 1 day up and nxt down !
i went to the clinic on weds to have my scan, they said all was clear except for a tiny bit of fluid but that it would come out on my next bleed... so fingers crossed it will all be ok... i asked them when we can start again and they said to have 2 bleeds then start, so i think we will give it ago... what did your clinic say to you  i know you are going next month for an appointment... i also asked about trying naturally and they said that would also be ok...so will give it a go ( but it's never worked b4!) i know that isn't an option for you for which i am so sorry....so will see if my 1 remaining tube is up for it !! got nothing to loose althought my acupuncture guy said leave it for 3 months to get my body strong again, but due to time/age i don't feel like waiting, so in a bit of a quandry  ?
had a few nights on the pop this week   and had my 1st hangover since early january yesterday morning, not nice-felt bloody awful ..... so i have decided that i will be going back to my healthy ways as of Monday, booked myself into pilates class every morning nxt week   in the hope of shifting some flab.  seem to have an expanding waistline

well your motor home sounds like a fab idea, my friend got one a couple of years back and had so much fun it it... we have a weekend place down in dorset and it's just been great getting away from everyone, especially from Fulham which is known as nappy valley, you can't turn round without bumping into hordes of push chairs ! there is no such thing as going for a quite coffee....

have a good weekend.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey 

welcome to my world !!   hangovers are awful arent they !!  I had forgotten what one was like, had a few now though !!  Only 25 days til review and counting - going to arrange lots of nights out so we can get bladdered before becoming teetotal and on treatment again !!

I think its all a load of bull getting your body ready, as i said in other posts - i feel so angry that a smoking drinking lard **** drug taking dole waller that i call my sister in law has managed 6 kids with no problems, even one of our friends that is as big as a house got pregnant and gave birth to a wonderful daughter - so it doenst really matter what shape, size or level of fitness you are - its either meant to be or not, I am hoping we are now all in better position because we have achieved pregnancy but we all need to keep focussed and understand the risks that it might not happen.

We have given ourselves a goal - that is that i will try as many times as we can until next december and then call it quits.  I would try again tomorrow if i could - I cant see the point in waiting, all time does is give you space to think and feel miserable !!  and drink !!  

I have found this all a lot harder than dealing with my needlephobia - at least the jabbing and paddy fits are over in a few hours    this is with me for life - I have been having problems dealing with it all, i spent 14 years thinking i couldnt have children - then last year got myself sorted and was given hope - then to get pregnant was amazing, only to have it taken away again - which was devastating as you know.  For me life will never be the same again

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Dear Joey, I'm so so sorry to hear your news, it was the last thing I thought I'd read when I checked in to see how you girls were getting along.

I wish I could do or say something to take away the pain that you've been going through.      I really am gutted for you hun.

If you don't feel like waiting and ttc naturally is an option I'd just get on with it - it can't do any harm   it's supposed to be good exercise too isn't it!?   With that and the pilates that flab will gone before you know it.

Ann - don't blame you at all for deciding to get on with life and get a motorhome.  It sounds like great fun, off whenever and wherever you want   Will look forward to hearing your escapades or spotting you in a layby nearby! It'll be like having a  every week, well worth a second mortgage.

Well girls I'll have to remember hangovers via you, as I've started my 2nd cycle. Had a minor panic before I started down regging as they found cysts at my pre cycle scan - luckily they were able to aspirate them for me and I managed to start DR as planned on day 21. Currently waiting for AF to arrive, even had acupuncture today to try to encourage it to happen. Have been DR for 12 days so far - DR blood test not til 3 April so thankfully plently of time for AF to appear. 

DH tried to encourage me to try to self inject today   as he's off for a stag night in a couple of weeks so wants to be able to enjoy himself and not trek back early next day to do my injections. I failed miserably, which was prob not surprising really as til now I haven't been able to look at the injection when he's preparing them without rushing to the loo! Managed to get as far as holding the needle today but hands started shaking and I couldn't bring myself to put it in to me   So DH (helpful as ever) thought next best thing would be for him to insert it and me to push the drugs in!!! Well I failed at that too - just couldn't bring myself to do it....and all the faffing about just made it worse than ever. Will have to risk a hungover hubby looming at me with a large needle in a couple of weeks time   

Take care both and sorry for not popping in earlier to give you some support. 

CG xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

hope you are all well.  I have had an amazing weekend, went to stamford fair with my nieces and nephews - ended up limping where i fell off a ride and hurt my leg, then pulled a muscle (didnt know i had any left ! ) trying to get into a ride.  The kids had a great time - but i just learnt my body cant take it any more ! ! all that happened was my sausage and chip tea got swished about and wanted to make a re appearance all day !! all in the name of entertainment though !! 

CG - cant believe you held one - well done, I dont think i would ever be that brave and to push the plunger in i would have been hueying all over myself and running around like a headless chicken with the needle stuck out my leg where the panic set in !!

I cant wait to get the motorhome either.  We have been busy this weekend and i have to work next - but going to try and fit some time in to go see some.  Have been scouring the net and autotrader - but i am so excited i would buy the first thing i saw !! 

hope you all having nice weekends

lots of love

ann

xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

just a quick post to let you all know i am still alive and find out if you are 

I hope thing are getting easier - does any of you have review appointments yet - am here if you need to talk

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi all,I'm still alive and kicking just not logged on much this week !! 
but having a much better week than last weeks sob fest!!!

CG...Hi ,thanks for your words of support, i had been wondering what had happened, glad to see that it's all now going well.... i know i think i would rather face a hungover hubby than the prospect of self injecting. i just don't know how people do it..  but don't put any more pressure on yourself than you have too-just make sure he has a good aim with beer goggles on...my hubby did my late night trigger injection drunk after a party and thought it would be hilarious if he did a run up along the hall and into the kitchen to jab me...oh the joker, don't ya just love 'em

Ann, yep, keep scouring that auto trader- it will be sooo much fun !

well my clinic said i can just go again after my 2nd bleed, they said to just pop in and they would give me a review, some more drugs and off i go !!!!! i asked them if they needed to do amymore tests etc... but they said no, they would just scan me before i start on the drugs,which will be a short cycle again and that would be it !!! Ann and CG is this how it's been for you ? i thought maybe they would do more, a lot of people seem to have loads of blood tests etc everytime they start. ( not that i am complaining, as we all know it's less is more on that account  ). i also asked them if they needed to do fsh, but again they said what was the point, if it was high would i want to wait  i said no... they basically just said at my age i have to just get on with it and that there is no point doing lots more tests....
so i guess that's what i will do- i have to say the thought of going to a new clinic and starting from scratch with more evasive tests fills me with dread- i like the clinic, it worked 1st time so i will just do as they say.
although i have been to my doctor to reluctantly get my thyroid checked- i went to see a naturopath last Dec and she said it seemed i had a very low metabolism and maybe a slow thyroid ( would explain the rolls of fat,i guess  )....and i have also read that this is linked to fertility issues and misscarriage- so i am just working myself up to go for the blood test !!!! oh the drama-not looking forward to it...think i will procrastinate till nxt week on that one...

hope your both well...lol


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann & Joey - just to let you know I am still alive   I've had a really horrible cold and headache most of the week, and AF on top of it from Thursday which was over a week late, so for most of the week I've been like  -  Going in for my DR test tomorrow am so it's an early start to make sure I'm there for an 0830 appt   That's what I'll look like by the way   first thing tomorrow!

How's the mobile home hunt going Ann?

Joey - my clinic didn't bother doing any further blood tests after my failed cycle but I guess that's because from their point of view the cycle went well. Yours went well too which is why they probably aren't concerned about doing your FSH again. Try not to worry about not having any further tests. As you say there are plenty once you get started anyway   It's worth having your thyroid test though if you haven't already - it'll probably be fine but if not it's best for them to know and treat it.

Have decided there's no way I'm going to be able to self inject will have to trust hubby, hangover of not! 

Take care everyone,

Love, CG xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi CG, Sorry to hear you have been under the weather, but hope your feeling a bit better...Af+cold does not make for a happy bunny!!!! How did you app go today  hope all went well.
what does DR   stand for ??

i am not up too much at the moment just waiting around for either ovulation or AF. will get going after my second bleed i think, which means hopefully will have time to fit in a holiday in the sun !!!
what are you up to at Easter  when do you think you will have EC, i am only familiar with a short cycle so don't know how long the down reg,stimmimg takes ! We are off to North Wales with all my nephews for a few days...

A


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

arrgggg, my last post went before i finished it !!!!!

it ended with an A...which was meant to say...

Ann how you getting a long,we are into April now so not long til your app !

take care

Joey x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

sorry for lack of replies lately, have been in the middle of financial year end and stock take, extremely busy time for me.  I have got my period at last !!  I was starting to worry that i wasnt going to get it as i am a 26 day cycle and it is about a week late - mind you i have been wishing for it and now i have it - it bloody hurts !!!

It came on yesterday so i had a couple of ciders last night and early bed with hot water bottle - feel like crap now though, mind you last day today - just got to bumble through a management meeting and then 4 days off - lovely !!  I am going to use the time wisely and drink drink drink    It wont be long hopefully before i am on the baby trail again and not allowed to !!

My appointmnet rolling round now - hopefully he will start me as soon as poss!

anyway will write more later

lots of love

me
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Joey,

DR = Down regulate, which for me is a 3 week period at the start of the long protocol where they put you on drugs that lower your oestrogen levels and bring on an AF. You can't move onto the stimming stage until your hormones get down to a certain level which thankfully they did after the standard 3 weeks this time (last time it took me 5 weeks which was not nice). With luck I'll be going in for EC the week commencing 16 April - I've got a scan to check the number and size of my follies next Friday (the 13th  )

We were supposed to be going to see my 1 month old nephew today but I've had a nasty cold which hasn't quite gone yet so we're hoping to go down on Monday instead so as not to pass it on to any of them. We're off to enjoy the sunshine instead - a stroll around Westonbirt Arboretum then a local town where they do a great cream tea. Kidding myself that the cream won't be quite so bad for me if I've had some gentle exercise before hand.

Ann - Hope the AF pains aren't so bad now. Sounds like you've got your game plan for the weekend sorted - after stock take and financial year end stuff you deserve to let your hair down for a bit, have a drink for me  It's cream cakes or chocolate for me for a few weeks with the very odd glass of wine!

Have a good weekend everyone,

CGxxxx 

Wrong name edited out! Oops ..


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I am getting excited and nervous all at the same time, my review is just 1wk 1 day away, I am hoping he will start me asap and we can get things moving before i fail on the courage front !!

I just cant imagine doing all those blood tests again or having that first needle stab me in the leg !!!  I know we could go natural with no needles but my consultant didnt let me down the first time around and so if he tells me i need injections that s what i shall be doing !!!  well hubby anyway  

The D & C episode has left me pretty traumatised and i am dreading that first needle - I cant imagine how they will get a blood test from me either    By the time i get to review i will probably be a jibbering wreck and have wound myself up so much that he will think i am a complete fruit cake !!

I hope you are all doing ok, hope the follies are growing nicely CG - Joey any news on when you will start next cycle ??  Hopefully we will all be pregnant soon - summer bumps !!  I think i might need to use that excuse anyway !!  I have put on so much weight since we started the IVF and i just cant seem to shift it - might be the wine consumption though !!

anyway - love to you all

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

After all you've been through this year the needles won't seem so bad - honest  

Are you having FET this time rather than a fresh cycle? If so they may not need so many blood tests    and if they do you can always take it out on the nurses again   

Could you try some hypnotherapy or something to destress you a bit beforehand?

It certainly would be great if we could all end up with summer bumps! Here's hoping...

Love, CG xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi all,hope you are all well and managed to have a rest over the easter weekend. 
we have been up to North Wales for a nice long break... my AF started on easter sunday  so i have been told i can start on my next af or one after,although i am dying to start we promised ourselves a holiday in the sun visiting our best friends in Barbados !!! the dates we will be out there fall on the date i could possible be having EC !!! so i may wait to start until i get back- although if my af comes early when i am out there i will then miss 2 cycles..ooh the dilemma  . although after my easter egg binge the last thing i want to do is expose my wobbly white body on a beach 

CG- You have your scan today, so best of luck-hope that you have lots of nice juicy follies   , have good rest over the weekend for your big week next week with EC/ET-let me know how you get on today- when will you have to have your trigger ? and does it coincide with your other half's stag ?? if so lots of luck  

Ann, not long to go now for your app !!!! what day was it again, Monday ? you must be a mixture of nerves and excitement...i don't know what to suggest for your nerves-  i tried hypnotherapy and acupuncture which seemed to work for me, also, its odd once i knew i was into my ivf cycle the needles and bloods didn't seem so bad, but now that i have am not on an IV cycle it all seems so daunting again and the needles have started to freak me out again !!!! i was meant to go for my thyroid blood test weeks ago-guess what? i have still not had it done !!! i am going to give myself a good talking too and try mind over matter !!!!

Ann i know what you mean about the weight and ivf !!!! blimey whats that all about  it's just piling on- what going on!!! ahh!! the chocolate eggs and wine may be the answere hee,hee- i must do some    otherwise i will be the size of a house before i am even preggers-not a good luck me thinks  

CG, lets us know how you get on on today

all have a good weekend x x x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann, thought I'd pop in and wish you luck for your appt.    Hopefully once you get started things won't seem quite so daunting. I was dreading starting again after the disappointment I felt following IVF no.1, but once I started somehow the nerves and worry have been a bit more bearable. I'm still not particularly positive about this cycle but I guess I don't want to get my hopes dashed again. After what you and Joey have been through I can only imagine the trepidation you must both feel at starting again. So Joey, if I were you I think I'd do Barbados first  - some sun, sea and   will do you the world of good      

Tell me about that weight - feeling really depressed & fat today after seeing myself in a number of full length mirrors!!! They should be banned...  I now know why I don't have any at home. I've had to succumb to shopping for a few things in the next size up as I can't get into anything from last summer and know I can't really do anything to shift the weight for at least another 3 weeks.  Years of comforting eating definately catching up   

Hope you enjoyed your break in Wales Joey - we're off to S Wales tomorrow to see my Mum, hoping to get to the beach too as the forecast is good. Really miss the sea now that we live in land.

Joey - DH decided not to go on the stag night in the end (what a love) so was able to do the honours with my Puregon tonight and will be here to do the Burselin injection in the morning. I still couldn't bring myself to do them myself and didn't think any of my friends would be able to either! Plus exposing my wobbly white tum is bad enough to DH  

My scan went ok thanks - although I'm a little concerned that there's still fluid in the area of my left tube.  The nurse scanning me had to go off for a second opinion yet again. Really wish they'd read my notes!! They really have no idea how worrying it is every time they disappear off and drag someone else in to do the scan again. Seems to happen every time I go in... Good news is I've got 9-11 follies so I've got my trigger injection tomorrow night and am going in for EC on Tuesday morning. So  I've got some eggs in them .  

Have a good weekend, CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

CG will have everything crossed for you 9-11 follies is a real good start.

I am so excited about the review - it now gives me new hope that pretty soon i will carrying two beanies - even if its only for one day and they dont take - i am going to enjoy the experience.

We had our best friends over for a 5 course meal last night - i bought the great british menu cook book and did a cracking meal - I have to say that as i was making it i was getting worried it tasted awful - but when all combined and on the plate it was great !!

We played BUZZ on the playstation and got extremely merry until 4am - I have suffered today though with a huge hangover !!  stayed in my jammies all day - even sunbathed in the garden in my pj's !!  I have no shame  

We just thought we would have one last blow out before we start again and i beome tee total !!

Hope you all had great weekend and enjoyed the sun.

we need the nice weather now - so that when we all get our summer bumps it isnt too hot - so early summer good for us !!

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

ann i think your app is tomorrow ! if it is lots of luck let us know how you go on..


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann - hope your appt went well if it was today. Good luck if it's tomorrow. CG xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi cg- sorry was meant to email you lots of luck last night and but had friends over and didn't get time !!!!!
so wishing you lots of luck now, been thinking of you !!! it's tuesday morning so you will probably have had those lovely eggs collected by now- i hope all went well for you i have had my fingers and thumbs crossed for you all morning-
have a good rest and when your ready let us know how you got on
wishing you    

ann,if you app is today lots of luck also    keep us posted.

it's a big week for you both so wishing both you girlies lots luck


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I am feeling a little miserable after my appointment.  I will have two wait for another two natural bleeds before we are able to start - that will take me to June, so not the quick start i was hoping for.  it also made me feel pretty low and sorry for myself that i have to have a complete stranger tell me when i can have babies - that hit home again that i am not a complete woman.  I drove the two hour journey home in a daze !!

There is also so much to think about when you retry isnt there - we had the choice of full IVF again which has better chances obviously, FET drug assisted or FET natural, I have opted for the FET drug assisted, mainly becuase it is the option with the least amount of blood tests !!  It may be needles again but i can handle them much better than blood taking !

The four embryos we have in storage are grade 1 so were top grade and hoping they all froze safely - but he has then given us the dilemma of how many we thaw, they would like us to thaw all four, wait to see which two, if any,  develop the best and then implant those two for maximum chance, on the downside if all four are good then we would be discarding the other two which i dont think i could do, especially as if i then go on to miscarry or get a BFN we would be gutted knowing we had thrown two good embryos away.  If we opt to thaw just two it then opens the scenario that what if they dont survive the freeze/thaw and we then abandon cycle - it will mean money thrown away and cycle abandoned and then we will have gone through hell anyway - or if only one makes it - the chances of getting PG are half of what they could be.  DH doesnt want me to do a fresh cycle because i had lots of trouble wit my ovaries and he wants them to settle down before making that decision, plus with having 4 grade 1 embryos already he kind of hopes they will do the job.

It is such a lot to think about and i know that whatever decision we make - if i dont get PG we will blame ourselves for making the wrong decision.  When we started this IVF all we thought about was how i would combat my needlephobia - what a laugh now hey !!  talk about mind blowing - the government should be more sympathetic to all of this and i definately feel another letter coming on !!  I have had a response from the home office - will post it in full when i have the chance.

I have also been told i need to lose some weight to increase my chances - so day 1 of diet today !!

Hope everyone else is ok - I am sure i will become more positive once i have got my head around it all

lots of love

ann
xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Girls,

Thank you for keeping everything crossed for me yesterday. I got 4 eggs in the end, I had hoped for more but am very grateful as 2 of them fertilised and all being well I'm in for ET tomorrow. So if you could keep your  again at 0900 tomorrow I'd appreciate it  

Ann, I'm sorry the appt didn't go as well as you'd hoped but it's not all bad and they are thinking of your best interests saying you should delay things for an extra couple of months. They, like you, want to make sure you've got the best shot so try not to be too disappointed. The time will fly by and you've got time to get yourself in shape and to decide how many of your embies to defrost. Going for a FET sounds the sensible option to me as you did succeed with embies from your last cycle - it also means the tx won't be quite so invasive for you. Any fewer blood tests and hormones can only be a good thing. 

Did the clinic say what they thought the chances of you getting 2 embies to transfer if you defrost 2 for this next cycle? I'd have thought there was a strong chance of you getting at least 1 out of the 2 if they are good quality embies which it sounds like they are and as we've all heard it only takes one! That way if you did have to go on to have another tx you would still have 2 frosties waiting for you, but with any luck they'll just be needed to add to your family.    

Good luck with the dieting. It's hard isn't it?! I've put loads of weight on in the past year as when I'm worried or fed up I comfort eat.  Sounds like all that boozing and 5 course meals is catching up with you   

Joey - have you thought any more about your next hol. Is it looking like Barbados ?

Take care both, speak soon, Love CG xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

CG, Wow great news !!! all you needed was 2 good embies,so well done you-   will be having everything crossed for around 9 a.m. tomorrow - you must have a big smile on your face right now- just think by this time tomorrow they will sung,safe and sound- any plans for the next 2 weeks ? do you work ? if so have you booked time off etc... get down to the coast for some sea air if you can... sending you loads of love and luck-i am soooo excited for you     
yep i think we will go off to Barbados mid may and have some fun,sun and lots of rest before we come back and start again at the end of May.

Ann, so sorry you feel disappointed after your app, i think we all wind our selves up before the appointments hoping they will say what we want to hear, and when they don't all reason goes out the window and we just end up deflated. I know you where hoping to go again asap- but like CG said they want you to have all the cards stacked in your favour when you do try-maddeningly it's true but they have yr best interests at heart !!!!! also it will give you time to try and come to some sort of conclusion on the frozen embryo scenario-boy is that a tough call or what  !!! i think you need to at least look at the up side of the whole situation, you have good quality frozen embryo's,so you are half way there already-and you have 4-so you have a choice, so although it's a tough one-i think it's a good postion to be in.
Just take your time and do what is right for you both....putting emotions to one side for a minute, if,for instance you defrost 2 and for whatever reason it doesn't work out before ET,can you go again with the next 2 on your very next cycle  that way if it works, then great you have 2 others waiting to use to (as CG says to add to your family at a later date)- if it doesn't work then you know you have the reassurance of another 2 embies to go on your next cycle?? does that make sense ?
maybe put a post on peer support,as i am sure others will have faced a similar scenario.

well, lets talk weight- i have been trying to be soooo good, but it just not working , the flabby tummy and bum is still very much present...hubby thinks i should try that old chestnut called willpower- it's all right for him, 6'.4" eats like a horse and not a pick on him- i am 5'4" don't really eat like a horse and am decidedly much rounder 
what are you going to do ?? any diet tips very much appreciated !!!!

CG,ONCE AGAIN GOOD LUCK TOMORROW, WILL BE THINKING OF YOU X X X X


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi girls  

Ann, I hope you're feeling better about the delayed start. It will be here before you know it. Perhaps more time to enjoy the sun and get that campervan you were talking about.  

Joey, willpower - what's that?   Willpower and I need to be reintroduced...

Well ET went well today, I've got 2 little embies on board   So relieved to get this far. 

CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi CG

flying the flag for us all and our summer bumps !!  keep safe n relaxed.  Glad all went well, hopefully joining you soon.

I am off camping tonight with my nieces and nephews in a tent at the coast so just a quick post to let you know i am thinking of you and praying for them to implant.

Craig off to buy a camper van tomorrow - we have been offered one that our friends dad has and doesnt use - so will be on the road next week - so excited !!

Joey - love to you too

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

how are you all ?  CG how are you feeling - is it all going well ?  any signs yet ??  I am so excited for you - whichever way you look at it you have life on board so are technically pregnant !!  

Joey - have you begun yet ??

I had great weekend camping - but i got sunburnt on sunday whilst in a pub garden at the coast, drinking a magners  , now i have a sever sore throat and cold coming - so thats not great.

Craig got the motorhome and now thinks he is robert de niro from meet the fockers !!  we pick it up on thursday and will probably sleep on te drive for first few nights - saddo's that we are !! 

Hopefully it will be the distraction i need to stop me getting stressed, not going to do much for my diet though - it is compulsory to have a fry up for brekkie when camping isnt it !!    I was the muppet outside at 7am on sunday with my cup of coffee and a single burning camp stove cooking up a full english !!  was yummy !!

Anyway - hope to hear from you all - even if its a one liner to let me know you are ok

lots of love

ann

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Great news that you've got somewhere for your sleepovers  

Sounds like you had a good weekend too - tho shame about the sun burn. That's the problem with sun and pub gardens they don't always mix   

You are officially mad sleeping on your drive   Mind you I'd probably want to do the same! The temptation to try it out would be too great...Great weather for being able to head off at the drop of a hat too.  You'll be able to head off to the coast whenever you want  - heaven!

I'm doing ok thanks, have been taking it really easy this time in case it makes a difference. Not had any symptoms yet apart from the ones I had with the cyclogest last time around.   Worried people will think I am preggers when I go back to work as I feel really bloated and 2 weeks of doing very little and stuffing myself with brazil nuts, pineapple juice and milk isn't doing anything for my ever expanding waistline . Just hoping it's for a reason this time or I'm going to really have to hit the gym every day at the end of this cycle.....and I hate gyms! Went for a wander around the local shops today, which made a lovely change from my settee . DH and I off for a meal later, oops thinking of my stomach again  

Joey - have you booked your flights to Barbados yet? Would love a couple of weeks in the sun, thankfully we've got a trip to Spain to look forward in late June. Some   and  will set you up for when you start treatment again....in fact maybe you won't need it    

Anyway that's about it really, I hope you're both doing ok and Ann I hope your cold hasn't got any worse during the day.

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

CG - glad you pottering etc and being a good girl. when is test date ? will you do a home pg kit or go for the dreaded blood test ?

I opt for the home kit  

I have just booked myself a Reiki session - I have no idea what it is but going next thursday - finding that keeping me occupied is the best way to stay sane !!

anyway - lots of hugs n wishes

me
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Test day is 3 May  

You'll have to let us know how the Reiki goes. Know it's something to do with healing hands and energy but no more than that. A tx without needes can't be bad  

Have you slept on the drive yet?

CGxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

had our first night on the drive last night  

We made up a bed, took the dog and some wine out with us and sat and got plastered in our new van !!  was great.  Our neighbours must think we are mad though - both had smelly bottoms and were trumping really loud rotten ones, then having fits of hysteria where the vans air was green !! childish i know but really hilarious !  Poor dogs nostrels were burning !! 

We are going to make up the other bed in it tonight and try that - so out on the drive again.  kept popping in the house for coffee, biscuits, munchies etc.  must have looked daft walking across driveway in pj's and slippers, then back with mugs of coffee, bottles of wine and a dog !!

Had my first wee in my porta potti too - very memorable - I can see we are going to have lots of fun in this one !!

My protocol came through from the hospital yesterday and i had to call and get it changed.  My consultant had prescribed me synarel because of my phobia, but i am not good with nasal sprays, they make me sneeze and i would always be worried i wasnt getting the right dose.  Had to ask to be changed to injections - they all think i am mad - but its only 10 seconds of terror and all over - nose spray was twice a day squirt up each nostrel - so 4 squirts - not for me.

Mind you - not sure my fellow campers will agree when they hear my blood curdling screams as craig jabs me in the mornings !! 

Hoping to start aroud June 23rd depending on period dates - so will roll round quickly.  

Anyway - hope you are all doing well - am getting excited that a positive test could be soon be posted, test date almost here - do you have any symptoms ??  have you done a pg test yet ??
Love always

ann

xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi all, my blasted computer has been down all last week and most of yesterday   so thought i would get a quick post in in case it goes down again !

well glad to see all is going well, CG I am getting so nervous and excited for you !!!! i so hope you get a BFP...Keeping all crossed for you. have you lost control and started using the dreaded pee sticks yet? it's soooooo tempting isn't it.

well i managed to pluck up the courage and go for my thyroid blood test yesterday, was OK(ish!)was covered with emla cream though!! so must be getting better, but she did leave me with a big bruise, which makes me go queasy looking at!

Ann you are a riot in that van,   the neighbours must think you are certifiable-  it's sounds sooo much fun. have you any plans to move off the drive ?

booked our trip to sunny Barbados.yippee!!!! managed to con hubby into going for 2 weeks as well, which is great, we are off on 14th May....

love to all- 

CG WILL BE THINKING OF YOU..


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Barbados hey - you lucky thing !!

Yes maiden voyage is today when i have taxed it !!  - well i did take it up and down the drive about 20 times on sunday (mind you that was just my crap reverse parking effort to put it in the centre of the drive for cleaning ! )

Have filled it with wine and beer ready for weekend !! oh and bacon !!

CG not long now !!  have everything crossed for you and am desperatley wishing for a BFP

xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann - you are officially mad   Hope you enjoy your maiden voyage!

Sounds like you're getting over that needle phobia if you've opted for the injections over the nasal spray. I don't blame you mind I hated the nasal spray - it tastes awful and you don't know if you've done it properly. Still can't believe you've actually opted for more injections than you needed to - that's real progress.

Joey - fantastic news about Barbados, bet you're counting the days. Well done on getting your thyroid test done.

Afraid it's not very good news from me. I started spotting on Sunday and AF is really heavy now so another failed cycle for me.  Will have to wait and see what the clinic advise next. So no summer bump for me (other than the one caused by all the weight I've put on during this and the last cycle!)

CG xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

oh CG-my heart goes out to you it really does- please take care of you and hubby,have a good cry but never give up on your dream hun- so disappointed for you guys- 

don't want to go on too much as i know the pain you must be in, but just so you know we are all here if you need to talk - take care my friend. x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Cg that is so sad - have been thinking about you every day and hoping that all was well, my heart goes out to you and hubby.  You do sound as though you are coping but you know we are here if you need us.

There is a young lady conducting research into
whether medical advancements, together with NHS funding restrictions,
have made infertility more difficult to accept.  She thinks it is an important area which needs highlighting and i agree with her - I have already made contact and will be giving her my story - if any of you want to give a different story so she can gather up lots of research then her email is [email protected] (Victoria Rawlinson,University of Central Lancashire)

I am doing as much as i can to make sure that th egovt we pay so much into is aware of the help that should be given - really gets my goat up when i think of how we all have to work our bums off to get the IVF money and yet teenagers can pregnant, get houses and not work for the rest of their scrounging lives while we suffer on !!  - sorry really gets to me sometimes and is my one biggest rant !!

Anyway - thinking of you all

love

me
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi girls, long time no speak - only a few days I know but it seems like longer  

Ann - I know what you mean about the teenage mums and cost to us tax payers. Seems that's always forgotten or overlooked and instead they've got the cheek lately to go on about the extra cost and strain placed on the poor old NHS by anyone over 35 and pregnant! They seem to forget that if they helped out when we were younger we wouldn't end up in that category   

So how far have you been in your new van - hopefully off the drive by now!! Any more wind to report ?   I hope you and your DH weren't responsible for those tornados in the US!!

Joey - bet you can't wait to swap the UK for Barbados. Have you bought any new clothes/bikinis to accompany you on you trip? 

Well I've just finished a nice glass of chilled white wine   Had forgotten how nice that could be    I've also started trying to get fit and lose some of the weight I've put on over the past year. I didn't feel like it between IVF no 1 and 2 but definately need to lose some of this excess baggage before cycle no. 3!! Hit the gym on Sunday and did a Pilates class for the first time tonight - I'm sure I'll regret it in the morning as most of my muscles have been asleep for years   

Anyway, I'd best head off to bed. Hope you enjoyed the bank holiday weekend. We went to see Marti Pellow last night at the Cheltenham Jazz festival. He's not looking bad for his age but I preferred him in Wet Wet Wet - jazz not really my thing! Kept hoping he'd depart from the jazz theme and burst into one of his old hits, but it didn't happen unfortunately...

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

CG glad you have a goal and know where you are headed - I need to lose about 2 stone which is what i have put on over last year - i am 5ft 7" and now weigh almost 15st - I used to be just under 12st before i started IVF - doctors say my chances are less by being a fatty - but i dont know that i believe that seing as i know some right heffers that have children !!

Maiden voyage in the motor home was great - full english on saturday, bacon butty on sunday and mega full english on monday   dieting going great !!  did do lots of walking though -  and maybe a little bit of lying down where i had one too many wines on sunday night !!  It was a superb weekend - we forgot all sorts of things - like corkscrew, hose pipe, salt n pepper, fuses etc but that just made us giggle and feel like mega plums !!  I had sore bottom too - I think i have found a muscle (must have got a work out at last with all the walking !) !! 

Anyway - better get on - will write again later

love to all

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

I got sent this via email yesterday - thought it was lovely 

As we grow up, 
we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. 
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. 
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. 
You'll fight with your best friend. 
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. 
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. 
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. 
Don't be afraid that your life will end, 
be afraid that it will never begin.


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Girls

I have a joke that has been emailed to me - thought i would share :


A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical.
The nurse starts with certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale.
It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure
And tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams,
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat!" 


xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi,

Must admit I'm not convinced that weight etc has a lot to do with success rates, so much of it's down to luck and we prob all beat ourselves up far too much about the need to lose weight. This time I want to do it for me rather than to improve IF, not least so I can get into some of the clothes in my wardrobe  

I'm just under 12 stone - which is the heaviest I've ever been. Would like to get back down to 11 stone if I can which is roughly what I was before I started IVF but not convinced I have enough will power to more than a few pounds!! 

Managed to find some of my lazy long forgotten muscles in the pilates class I went to this week! They've been aching for a few days but hey no pain no gain  Trouble is adding a bit of exercise into my sedantary life has just made me think it's ok to add a bag of crisps to my lunch....and extra chocolate in the evening! 

Have a good weekend, and thanks for the joke Ann  

CG xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi all, loved the joke and poem Ann.. are you off in the motor home this weekend ?? weather don't look up too much, maybe stay on the drive !

CG, How you doing? have the clinic said anything about you last ivf, have they had any thoughts ? glad to hear you went to pliates, it's really good i have been going about 4 times a week and do feel a lot stonger- 

girls on the subject of weight...just can't seem to shift it...why..why..why..whats going on - i have gone from size 10 then to 12 and then 14 , and thats even a bit tight! so yes, had to buy a new summer wardrobe as i couldn't squeeze into anything else- have been trying so hard-just can't understand it- had my blood test results back,they where all ok so can't even blame my lardy **** on an underactive thyroid !! bummer eh!   well we are off on Monday for 2 weeks, can't wait-then hopefully start and IVF when we get back.

well good luck all on the weight loss programmes- i will be frantically swimming everyday on hols to try and burm off those rum cocktails !!!

take care and will mail when i get back..


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

Joey - wow have a wonderful time in barbados, we will be waiting for lots of rum punch stories !! plenty of falling off bar stools i hope  

Cg - i wet myself laughing at your post - I know exactly what you mean about dormant muscles !!

On the weight front i reckon it must be something to do with either age or hormone treatment, I have always bee a thick set girl, but for years have been around 10 1/2st and size 14, now i am almost 15 stone and size 18 - It all piled on last year really and i cannot shift it for love nor money !

I have just bought one of those lateral thigh trainers to see if i can start getting rid of at least some of it - its all around my thighs and bum so thats where i need to concentrate - I really do have a lardy **** !! 

Took the van out on travels yesterday and managed to get blind drunk along the way - had a little vino at each stop we made to show our friends/family the new purchase !!  have a little sore head this morning  

We are off to mablethorpe next weekend and the weekend after at a haven site, its my birthday on the 24th so booked it off and thought we would get away somewhere.

Anyway - love to you all

ann
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Girls, sorry I've been AWOL, we;ve been missing you Joey as this thread has been very quiet since you went on your hols.   Hope Barbados was as fabulous as it sounds  After a wet weekend in Southampton I so wish I was on a beach somewhere warm! 

Ann, wishing you a belated happy birthday   I hope you had a lovely birthday and enjoyed your 2 weekends away. 

It is May isn't it?!    

Love, CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hey CG & Joey

hows tricks

sorry i have been quiet - was off on travels in my van !!  had cracking time, craig making most of last few love ins before treatment starts  

Got very drunk, had a little sleep and then managed to get up and go out to party in the haven clubhouse - was very proud of myself (have to say though that i didnt remember having a little snooze - not sure if it was the 8 pints of scrumpy i drank or just my age !!!  )

Weather was awful - the safari room was mental - crashing and banging - couldnt sleep most of the night for fear it would blow us away - thought i might start a new trend - youve heard of kite surfing - well i reckon if i took my handbrake off we would have been motorhome surfing !! 

My best mates came over on the sunday and bless them slept out in it, suckers !! 

Well i have had a result with my drugs, my doctor changed my prescription into a local one and i collected them from boots at £20.85 - spot on !!  

Next thursday we go to sign consent forms and pick up the needles/syringes   , first jab on 13th june, then scan on 27th june - and all being well and frosties surviving we should have tx 11/12th July - so rolling along now.

Hows everyone else ??  any cycles starting ??

anyway - better get on with some work

love to you all

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

wow what lovely weather isnt it - cant believe that on monday i was camping in gale force winds and rain and yesterday got burnt doing a spot of gardening - its mad isnt it !!

camped on the drive yesterday, was going to take van out but had to be sensible - my garden was more like a jungle where we havent paid it any attention so needed to stay home and sort it.

I am taking my nephew shopping for his birthday present today as well - so would have let him down if i had gone gallivanting 

Hope you are all well and getting ready for new cycles - mine speeding up fast now

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

off to collect my syringes and needles tomorrow - cant believe it is almost here 

this time next week i will have had my first leg warming, skin bubbling, stinging, nasty, horrible, blood curdling first buserelin injection !!!  Cant wait  

I am sure once first one done - the next 29 will be a breeze  

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

How exciting that you start next week   Glad you've been making the best of your tx free time  

You sound remarkably calm about the thought of those needles which is great   Just think of the injections as steps closer to getting pregnant   

I've got my hysteroscopy on Monday   Unfortunately I'm not going to be out for the count either so am hoping I can cope with the indiginty and the discomfort!  Will be relieved when it's over and I know what the results of it are. We don't have our follow up with the IVF consultant til 9 July but hopefully we'll get some indication on Monday of whether they've spotted anything that explains why the last 2 cycles have failed (other than age of course  ) All this hanging around and nervous anticipation is not exactly helping my waistline, just keep stuffing myself with crisps and all the bad things I avoided when undergoing last lot of IVF.  It doesn't help that pringles have been ona buy one get one free  

I bumped the car Monday so am not too popular with my DH at the moment   Can't even blame the drugs! 

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

He he - i know what you mean about crisps - they are my downfall, walkers cheese n onion crisps in a sandwich (especially when under the influence of alcohol  )

A car bump - are you ok ??

Been to the clinic today, picked up 30 needles, 30 syringes and have all my dates !!  Its all so real now, very nervous !

We are going out on tour in the van this weekend to get drunk one last time with our mates before battle commences !!  First jab is wednesday morning - 6 days and counting !! 

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh I wish you hadn't mentioned crisp sandwiches, I'd forgotten how nice they are  

No bump only resulted in a bit of damage to the car thankfully. Only a small dent but probably more costly than it looks  

Enjoy your last few nights drinking - she says tucking into a chilled lager!    

I'm off for a girls night out tomorrow from work which I'm looking forward to, then off to Wales to see my brother in-law's. I'm looking forward to a few cuddles from my baby nephew.

Have a great weekend.

Love, CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

My brother in law lives in wales too - we thought we might visit later in the year - somewhere near swansea i think. 

A chilled lager hey- nothing beats that does it - I reckon a lager shandy on a hot day is the most refreshing thing in the world ! followed by a crisp sandwich for sustinence  

I got my picture of beanie out last night - going to put it near my bed to help encourage me through the jabs, one brother or sister on its way !! (well hopefully)

I am off to have my hair cut off today - I have long hair and have tied it up for ages - so going to have it all cut off so i am encouraged to style it and not put it in a pony tail every day - fed up looking like a scummy mummy want to be a yummy mummy this time! - mind you with my fat bottom and expanding waistline that would take a miracle !!

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi yummy mummy wannabee, how's the new hairdo? 

If your brother-in-law lives near Swansea you should pop down to the Gower for a few days - it's a lovely spot.

Well, the rain seems to be following us, it followed us to Southampton a few weeks ago and down to Wales for our BBQ - lucky the BBQ had a lid or it would have been soggy sausages and chicken for us!   

I got the all clear at my hysteroscopy this morning (hooray!!!!) So relieved that it's out of the way and we can look forward to starting our next cycle sometime soon. Apparently I'm normal for once - dr today seemed very pleased with my insides  

Good luck with your injections on Wednesday Ann.

Joey - are you back yet? Hope you had a great holiday.

CG xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Oh dear CG I was a very naughty girl at the weekend - not sure about being a yummy mummy - more an embarassing binge drinking idiot making numpty mummy !!

I thought it was a good idea to mix 7 bottles of wine with 3 cans of scrumpy jack - very bad thing !!!  Fell over in the house and smashed my head on the fishtank - very big bump and bruise, then fell out the back door on to the patio and grazed my leg, knee and arm.  Havent spoke to my brother for two years and decided it was time we made up - he hung up on me and then i cried down the phone first to my mum for about 1 1/2 hours and then my dad for 2 hours - felt very very sorry for myself.  I know it just anxiety and stress from tomorrows jab but what a state to be in !!  I am so embarassed at myself - couldnt face work yesterday so had a sickie and stayed in bed all day.  I dont ever remember getting that drunk in all my life - have about 4 hours i cant account for - apparently ordering pizza etc which i dont even like ?

I am so nervous about this cycle - its easy to push it all behind you and think that it will be ok.  Everyone says well at least you know what to expect this time - I think thats an incorrect statement - I do know that i have 30 jabs, 3 blood tests, 5 scans - a huge amount of pills and pessaries - what i dont know is wether it will work - am i doing it for no results, are the embryos already dead, will they survive, will i get pregnant etc etc etc - I actually found it easier the 1st time because i had no expectations - now because i have had a pregnancy i think in my heart i am expecting one - god knows how i will cope if it doesnt - or how i will fret if it does !!  

I know that once the first jab is over with tomorrow - I will go straight into good old "stiff upper lip" mode - its just getting through the next 17 hours without causing myself a heart attack i am worried about !!

How was your weekend ??

xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh dear what will we do with you Ann. When I said enjoy your pre-treatment time I didn't mean get blinding drunk and upset the family that is speaking to you     It sounds like you were lucky not to end up in casualty!

I hope it was more than just you and your DH drinking the 7 bottles of wine and 3 cans of scrumpy - if not we might need to book you into alcoholics anonymous   Perhaps a new thread emerging on FF.... alchofrolics between treatment  

Not sure if it's any help but I was really stressed and worried before I started cycle no. 2. When you do your first lot of IVF you worry about the injections etc but are full of a good sort of nervous excitement. Unfortunately by cycle no.2 you are so much more aware of all the things that can go wrong and all the emotional stuff that goes with it. You really do wonder how you'll ever get through it again in one piece! I found that as soon as I started the injections a strange feeling of calm and purpose came over me - I guess in some small way I regained a sense of doing something that could make me pregnant. So please don't worry too much about what you're feeling now hopefully it will get better as you start your injections. 

It must be doubly tough for you knowing all that you went through on the last cycle and wondering what will happen this time. There's every chance you will get a second BFP on this cycle but if you don't you can and will try again, either with your remaining frosties or a fresh cycle. You just need to keep thinking that you will get there in the end      

I spent the weekend worrying about my hysteroscopy - convinced they were going to find fibroids and tell me I'd need another op before I could start tx again. I had a good girls night out on Friday evening even if I was driving! Other than that DH and I spent 2 and a half hours shovelling and spreading 6 tons of gravel on our shared drive. Our next door neighbour (the ones we share the drive with) helped a bit but seemed to find an amazing number of excuses to disappear for 15 minutes at a time! They were slightly forgiven when they reappeared with cakes and cups of tea at the end  

Good luck with those injections tomorrow.

Love CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi CG

thanks for that - my mum bought me in a bouquet of about 30 red roses today (she understood it was the stress of tomorrow making me a pain in the bum !!) It was just us drinking that - i reckon i probably did 5 bottles of wine to myself - and the scrumpy was all me because i was too lazy to come in for a corkscrew and so raided outside fridge - naughty naughty girl i am - very ashamed though - never quite been in a sorry state like that before - lost about 4 hours of the day, saw the trail of destruction though so know i was definately to blame !! - yet to clear it all up - my poor neighbours listened to it all as they were in their garden too - darent go out to my back garden in case they pop heads over   reckon their grandchildren learnt some new words !!

I am so nervous its unreal, you have really hit the nail on the head about 2nd time being harder.  I tried explaining to someone at work today that on the 1st cycle i had no expectations - just went into it with an open mind - now i know what to expect and like you say all the troubles and emotional side to it seem a lot more magnified,  I must say i am finding it very hard to get the courage to start.

As you say - I also know that once that first jab is done tomorrow then all will be well and i will know i am on that road again - hopefully to happier times.  The countdown will begin - 30 and counting !!

We are off to kessingland this weekend in the motorhome - so all the happy campers will wake to my blood curdling screams as he injects me !!  I have just loaded up the freezer with blocks - find that it helps with the swelling and stinging of the jabs - they make my leg feel like its on fire for about 3 hours but we worked out (after about 2 weeks) if i put the blocks on for 10 mins and then walk about the bump goes down quicker !

Anyway - will let you know how it goes - if i survive or give myself a heart attack !!

lots of love

ann

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

1 down, 29 to go !!

I have been up most of the night and worried myself sick before this morning 5am wake up call !! I have gammy guts, spot of the runs and feel like i need to throw up - but first one is now done !!  It hurts like hell - just as i remember ! 

I have taken a picture of the huge bubble under the skin and will show my offspring the crap mummy had to go through !! 

Main thing is though i am alive - and so is craig more importantly (didnt bash him)

Tomorrow is another story though !!  I must admit i do feel glad the first one is over - its just a countdown now and every day we are one step closer to the goal.

Have a great day everyone

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Well I am now a fifteenth of the way through !! 

Number 2 was equally as distressing as number one - who says they get easier  

I felt sick before he even entered the room - i always have a pillow over my head and hang on to the headboard - poor headboard has loads of dents in it - and thats not from any hanky panky !!!

It feels good to be on the way and now i can count down it seems to make my life just that little more bearable - i spend each morning do a little fraction to let me know that i am one step closer - tomorrow will be 3/30 so one tenth then !!

Hope everyone is well - you might all be nutty by the time i finish - listening to me rant on - god knows how we will deal with the blood test !!!  12 days and miserably counting !!

love to all

ann

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

1/10th of the way through now - todays was very sore !!

I had some bad news yesterday - one of my auntys has breast cancer and is going in today for a masectomy, apparently a mamogram found a dark area, she had a biopsy done 2 weeks ago which has proven it is cancer of the lymph nodes.
I called her last night and she is so frightened its awful - but she said to me to spend the rest of my life doing what i want !  She is a lovely lady who has lived her life perfectly - bit of a goody two shoes really, she has never had a drink, doesnt smoke, doesnt swear, very hard worker, great person who always looks immaculate, very well spoken (not like me - not sure which batch i came from !)but here she is with cancer - make sense of that !

The world is a very strange place isnt it - I did say to her that i have always said life is a gamble - I dont believe in all the big nanny state stuff - my gran smoked like a trooper and didnt die of lung cancer - she did have a stroke but she was in her 80's and had led a full and wonderful life, who is to say that if a person died of lung cancer who did smoke - that they wouldnt have died of lung cancer (or a form of it)even if they hadnt smoked - no-one will ever know because that person cant come back to try the different route !

One of my aunties did smoke like a chimney and did die at 56 of lung cancer - but she didnt regret her life and would have done the same things again - she was also a believer that when your time is up thats it and if she could do it again with a healthy lifestyle she would probably die at the same age of the same thing ! She was very straight talking and told me she wasnt afraid to die - just afraid of what she was leaving behind!

Sorry its a bit of a miserable post - so on the plus side I am now off to clean my motorhome and fill it with goodies to go away for weekend - in the rain !!  I have bought myself some of those crocs - looks like i will be getting wet feet !!

Hope you all have a great weekend

Love always

ann

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi girls,i am back from the wilderness !!!!! - glad to see from the posts you're all well- 
Ann what are you like with that wine and cider !!!! I'll bet that was a corker of a hangover- but glad to see you are into your next treatment and seem to be coping (just) with the needles- your neighbours must love guys,all the screaming and yes i think you will scare the living daylights out of some happy campers this weekend!!! i can just imagine it, they will be thinking a murder has taken place....be ready for a quick exit if someone calls the cops !

well we had a fab time in Barbados seems ages ago now, was going to post when i got back but have been pushing the thought of doing another treatment to the back of my mind- i am terrified, not particularly with the needles but just the whole process and that it may not work- like you said i am finding the 2nd time around harder cos i know what to expect and the pain and heartache that goes with it- i can start asap but seem to be dithering about it.

CG-Good news that you got the all clear from doc- such a relief I'll bet-so not long to go until you appointment. we re just off down to dorset for the weekend, and then i have decided to join weight watchers next week- this weight situation is getting way out of hand girls-it's time to call in the professionals. 

hope you all have a great weeknd-nice to be back   jo x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Sorry to hear about your Aunty I hope her op went well and that she's looked after well in hospital. It does make you think really when people who've lived a healthy life suffer with cancer just like those who've burnt the candle at both ends.

I'm glad your DH has survived the injections without being bashed by you, can't say I envy him   Hope you're parking the motorhome away from other vehicles or you could have the police around if they hear the commotion of you having your injections!!

Jo - A BIG HI we've missed you - thought you must have run off with some handsome Barbadian  

Really glad you enjoyed your hols and quite understand the dread of starting tx again. Hope you enjoy Dorset and we'll catch up with you soon.

Love, CG xxxx

CG xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi all

Joey great to have you back, stop dithering and get your bum into the next tx - we can all hold each others hands this time !!  I am so scared its unreal and having trouble with the injections and hormones at the moment - just seem to be permanently tired and on a mega downer.

The weekend away was great though - had some real funny times - been in bed at 9pm though - so not much evening entertainment for craig, decided to do the coastal route home and stopped off in wells for the day, bougt craig a crab bucket and line and set him a challenge to catch crabs   (its the only time he can get away with catching crabs !! ) - he got about 12 - was great entertainment and a lovely day - had a cuppa in the car park because we could and fish n chips by the sea.

Done so much walking in my new crocs - they are fab !!  they tickle my feet when i walk so very weird !!

I have done 5 jabs now so 1/6th of the way through - and bloody counting !!!

just got in so plenty to do - will write tomorrow

Love
always

me
xxx


----------



## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I know this is naughty - but I have just been reading back through some of my posts - I wanted to see if i felt this bad last time - but to be fair i have done nothing but giggle !  When i read back over the posts about my operations and bad blood tests i cant help but chuckle at how daft i am - it wont stop me from making a complete idiot of myself again - but i do see the funny side to all of them now !  I shouldnt laugh at how ridiculous i am and how i make the nurses/doctors/anaesthatist lifes hell but i just cannot believe how my phobia dictates that area of my life !

I am getting on well with the injections (ha ha) number 6 was today - but i feel so bad i have no idea why i am doing it - I have now decided that i no longer want to go through the menopause and am just going to skip it  

I dont remember feeling this negative and crap so early on last time - i thought it kicked in round about the third week - maybe not - perhaps its becuase my period is due ??

anyway - just off to hang myself and put us all out of misery !

love to you all

ann
xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

7 down and 23 to go !!  I have some huge bruises on my legs - not sure why they seem to be showing early on this time ? maybe its the extra weight i am packing.

Todays hurt like hell - felt like someone was trying to deskin me ! - A week in now and going in the right direction.

I still feel really tired and crappy but learning to live with it

Hope everyone else is ok

Lotsa love

ann
xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi all, 
Ann you are a riot,and yes your previous posts do confirm this  . it's mad looking back at them all though isn't it ? people must think we are mad the sheer hysteria an injection or blood test brings on !!! we should publish a book- that would be a shocker-especially your wine and cider debacle the other week !! 
did something similar myself last night, was a bit merry after a few wines and decided to phone my best buddy who now lived in Barbados, anyhow her and her hubby have been having some business trouble and have asked us twice for a loan (a very large one) !!! we have said no we don't want to loan money to friends,we have in the past and it causes so much agro-they phoned and asked a 3rd time on Sunday, which really made us feel uncomfortable-in the same conversation she was telling me about their month long holiday to the UK,followed by a 2 week vacation in Canada where she will be putting her girls in a summer camp costing the earth !!!!!!! my hubby said why should we bail them out and support their luxury lifestyle, and when i thought about it ,he is right, they have money issues on a property deal but have made no effort to tighten their belts- anyway it was obviously getting to me ,so me being me picked up the phone after more than a few wines and told her so- hmmmmmmmmm not a good response  , she screamed at me that i shouldn't comment on her lifestyle and should just be a friend and not be horrid, then put the phone down, i have tried calling today-but they wont speak to me  !!!!!!!!!! don't know what to do, it's made me feel really miserable now !!!
guess no more wine for me ,that or just unplug my phone when ****** !!

glad to see the jabs are okish- day 7 eh-it all goes so fast !


take care Jo x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

He he Joey thats my girl

Its exactly what i would do !!  Apparently my brother hung up because i slagged off his wife - he has now decided to go back to her after a year apart - i would do more than **** her off if i ever saw her !! 

I also tend to invite all and sundry away with me - also promised my step dad that i would pay for them to stay on a camp site in our motor home - that opening of my trap has just cost me £200, must learn to button it !!

Your friend will come round - probably when she needs something !!  I wouldnt feel miserable about it - you are right to step back and take a look - they should be tightening their belts and trying to help themselves but they obviously find it easier to run to you - champagne charlies is what i would call them - or all fur and no knickers perhaps !!! fancy telling you about their lush lifestyle and then asking for money - the cheek !!!

Any dates for next cycle yet ?  No stressing about mates - you have all us nutters !!

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Forgot to say - day 8 done - 22 to go

giving myself little goals - am over half way through the first two weeks now - start HRT pills next wednesday after hospital visit - so 1/4 of the way through.

Feel a little bit more positive today - had a few giggles but still very tired.  Todays jab didnt hurt at all - tried tapping my forehead to take away concentration - looked a nutter and got some weird impressions on my forehead but did the job - going to try again tomorrow when its in the badly bruised leg - might adapt the technique a little though and tap craigs head if it hurts !!

xx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, you really are a tonic Ann !! well i have just spoken to the clinic and have a scan next Friday and will go thru my drug programme, probably same as last time,low dosage, short protocol... feel a little bit excited now i have the ball rolling, so i will start on my next period which should be 16th July- so not long to go really- really wish now that had started a diet much earlier- oh well sure i can shift a few pounds between now and then !  will try some more 

blimey, i never thought i would see the words "todays jab didn't hurt at all " in any one of your posts, so proud of you,like wow thats a biggy!!! .

keep us posted.

my friend for barbados took my call today !! we made up but was a bit iffy- but hey ho, i have other things to think about now and concentrate on me.

CG-how you getting on ?


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

thats the spririt !!  summer bumps - sorry better change that - rainy bumps are due !! (not sure where summer is !!)

Todays jab hurt like buggery - made me want to karate kick him in the head while he was bending over me !!   - bubbled under the skin pretty badly too - 9 down only 21 to go !!

Over halfway through the first leg now though - scan on wednesday then HRT pills - hopefully they will help me grow some boobs ! 

Will be a third of the way through tomorrow - I havent got my period yet though - must have that before next week or they wont scan and start - isnt it always the way - been regular like clockwork for all this time and now it decides to be late !!

Hope you having good day

Love always

Ann

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Girls,

OK who hid the sun  

Been busy sorting work and home stuff out ahead of my hols so I haven't had time to catch up with all your news until now! If I didn't need a holiday beforehand I do now.... We're off to Spain tomorrow for 11 nights - staying at a friend's apartment overlooking the sea.  Can't wait to spend some time in the sun    and enjoy a bottle of Rioja or 2   Must try and avoid phoning anyone after an evening out though given your recent experiences - my brother didn't speak to me for over a year once when I opened my mouth and gave him my view of his life! To be fair he had been on about leaving his pregnant girlfriend at the time so I feel sort of justified! Not that it stops me wishing there was a rewind button on my mouth sometimes   

Ann - you are mad and your posts never cease to make me smile! Well done on getting a third of the way through your injections and not throttling Craig   Keep celebrating each step and it'll be egg transfer day before you know it   By the end of this cycle I bet injections won't phase you at all and nurses and drs won't have to draw straws before taking your blood!

Joey - I'm glad you've taken the first step. The anticipation of starting is awful but once you've started it won't seem quite so bad. Good news too that you're on the short protocol again - I wish I could do that, in fact I might ask the consultant if I can give it a try next time as I just hate the down-regging and all the injections that go with it on the long protocol. I expect your friend will come round soon - if she's a good friend she'll forgive you, especially if she know's what you've been through. You can always blame the stress of another IVF cycle and those hormones!

You girls have got a bit a head start on me so I'm looking forward to reading some good news on here soon to encourage me into my next attempt.  We're seeing the consultant for a review appt on 9 July so will see what he says our chances are and whether he's going to suggest any changes to the protocol etc. 

Anyway, good luck for the next couple of weeks.

Love, CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

Had my first blood test today - didnt go too bad but feel really drained now - too much excitement !!  Craig had a little packet of mini cookies in his pocket for bribery purposes !!

All is well - scan was good and have begun the HRT pills today so all systems go

Will write later when my arm doesnt have a crater in it the size of grand canyon !

love always

ann
xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Well 17 done and only 13 left to go !!

feel like crap, weather is rough and we are off camping today - I am determind to go as my niece will be accompanying me - she is 10 and on my level at the momnet ha ha !!

Next blood test is monday so weekend away in the rain will be just the distraction i need not to get myslef worked up !!

managed to get the dressing off the wound yesterday - minimum of fuss too - the tape was caught on my arm and it took me about 10 mins to pluck the courage to rip it off rather than pluck them out one by one !!  hurt like hell   reckon it was on a par with toe hair caught in a plaster !! (not that i would know obviosly!  )

anyway - hope everyone has a nice weekend - we will be in yarmouth ! probably boating around a camp site at this rate

xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

wow - just read my last post and cannot believe the amount of spelling mistakes in there !!  I am ashamed !!

day 20 done - so now 2/3rds of the way through - done 2nd blood test too so only two more to go.

Craig had trouble with my jab this morning - the skin didnt burst and he had to do it again - but had shaky hands by then worried i was going to bat his head into next week - oh how right he was - reckon i have leather legs now !!!

My blood test was awful too - felt like she was trying to shove a square fence post into my arm - reckon there will be a hole that big anyway - doubt the dressing will be off in next couple of days !!

i feel crap, very distressed and worn out and i just cant wait for it all to be over - have been reading back over last attempt though and is all perfectly normal (thats two words that dont usually apply to me!! )

Had a good weekend, my niece was spoilt rotten, my mum and her husband came over to surprise us and while i went back to the van cos niece was tired on saturday night they stayed out drinking then came home pretty drunk - was quite peeved but it was a release for craig and he was much happier yesterday and today.

I have to say though - was great to get home and into my own bed with no one else to worry about - makes me nervous that i wont be able to cope if we were successful - it will be 24 hours a day then with no escape wont it !!  we are sleep deprived now and feeling at an all time low - bit freaky to wonder what will happen if we are sucessful and have all those sleepless nights !

Anyway - going for an afternoon nap as i have the day off

love to everyone

me
xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

how are you all ?  

I am now day 22 in - only 8 to go !! Feel like crap, am spotty, tired, feel sick all the time, miserable and totally fed up with the whole thing - Have large bill to pay on friday for the pleasure too !!  what a life we lead hey !!

I have next appt on friday so hoping all is moving as it should be and the D-Day isnt postponed - only 12 days to go !!

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

23 down - 7 to go

blood test in the morning and scan - feeling very woe is me and dont want to carry on, have no idea how we will get through the blood test - I know for definate it wont be in my right arm !!  havent got the fence post out from mondays !!

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I have managed my blood test today - in fact it didnt hurt at all - i think she made up for that though by sticking the dressing over a hair - it pulled for the whole 2 hour journey home and i had to get craig to change for a plaster !!

My Blood pressure is very low - god knows how i feel i could kill someone !! as a result though i have poor blood flow and my endemetrium is not getting thicker, need to do something drastic - reckon i better invite the MIL over - guaranteed to raise the BP

Am really scared now though - dont know how i will cope after 4 weeks of jabs to have rug pulled and know i will have to do it all again !!  I only have one blood test to go now and was feeling quite positive.  I think they will increase my dose of progynova to 4 tablets a day but that in itself is not great as i hate them - they make me feel so rough.

Sorry for misery guts post - hope you are all well

love

ann

xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

well 26 down and only 4 more to go - I hope !!!  wednesday cant come quick enough  - am dreading them tacking another 7 days on to my cycle - think i might scream like a mad woman if they do !!

I cant believe how calmly i have got through this set - i think i am just so tired i have no fight in me!  Mind you i feel phsically sick every morning while waiting for that horrible burning sensation in the leg !!

hope you are all well - anybody cycling soon ??  havnet heard from you all in ages

ann

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi Ann, sorry i've not been in touch we are moving holiday homes and its been a bit hectic. how you doing today, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster from what i read, but it does sound as though you are really coping well with the jabs !!!! am sure the blood pressure will improve, buy yeah getting the MIL over will really increase it !!! when is you next scan  is it tomorrow ?? if so good luck let me know how it goes.
well i pick my meds up on Thursday and should start injecting over the weekend !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very nervous, also i am spending a week down in dorset with my dad so he can help me pack and move, so it means he may have to do my injections as hubby will be back up in London working, don't know how that's going to work really, haven't broached the subject with my dad as as yet   don't know how it worked out we are moving just as i am starting a ivf course, bloody brilliant eh ! as if i haven't got enough stress going on...  . there is a lovely hotel next to us with a fab spa, so i think the only thing a girl can do in this situtation is to leave the packing to good old dad and book myself quite a few relaxing treatments  
ann iv've worked out i will be doing ec round about 30th June- when are you due ec ? could we be on a 2ww together ?

CG, how was the holiday  relaxing i hope ! lots of nice dinners and wine. did you have your appointment on Monday ? how did it go ? fill us in on your hols and how you are getting on.

love to all Jo x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Girls,

Hope you're both keeping well. Sorry I haven't around we only got back from Spain last Wednesday and have been really busy since we got back what with work and worrying about our review appt yesterday! 

Ann- wishing you loads of luck with your next scan/appt  your blood pressure is better and everything is back on track for your ET.     If you have to go on for another week try and take it in your stride - it will go quickly and hopefully you'll get a positive result at the end   You're doing really well and you're not far off so hang on in there   

Jo - moving and IVF at the same time - you don't do things by halves then   Sitting in the spa while your Dad packs sounds an excellent idea    Not long now before you start then - the anticipation of it all is awful isn't it, but before you know it you'll be on your 2ww.   

We're wondering what to do for the best. Had our review appt yesterday and the consultant said it's luck and age that are the factors for us. Given my age it's only a 10% success rate for another cycle so we're trying to decide whether to go for a 3rd fresh cycle or use our frozen embies then move onto DE which would give us a better chance of success (33% chance of success). Decisions, decisions   

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

great to hear from you - was lonely posting all by myself - billy no mates thats the new nickname - oh yeah and pincushion !!   only kidding - knew you werent far away.

Jo - spa sounds wonderful - have been thinking about one myself, my mate and i promised ourselves we would go but have felt so rotten lately that i couldnt bring myself to book in !  Holiday home in dorset hey, we are supposed to be heading that way next friday - not sure what we will do now though - all depends on how we feel afetr transfer.

How was spain CG ? weather here has been crap, hoping for summer skies next week when my holiday starts though ! Take no notice of all that statistic crap - my doctor gave me a stupid 7% chance when i had my tubes out - he reckoned that my internal workings had been tampered with and we wouldnt stand much chance - ha we showed him though !!! its all a game of poker - never knowing what hand you are dealt but bluffing your way through anyhow !!  well thats my take on it all.

I had the weekend worrying about my blood pressure - but that seems to have done the trick   all is well today with a nice plump 10.3mm endemetrium and all systems go for monday now - so 2ww here i come !!  You are right in that it all flies around so fast that its over before you know it !!  It has been a hard slog this time and been very down at times but now i only have one more jab to look forward to i cant remember the bad days !! 

My morning jab killed me today and so did the blood test - felt like she was ramming a telegraph pole in my arm but it stood up to her and didnt spill a drop - so failed at the blood test - not to worry though last weeks gave them all the data they needed so all is well.

Anyway - off to bed now to sleep off the thought of a large crater in my arm and when i wake up it will all be gone !! (trying to convince myself here )

love to you all

xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann, that's great news  

 that the next lot of blood tests are tracking your pregnancy  

I know I shouldn't pay attention to stats but I do wonder how long I should keep fighting the odds when my window of opportunity could be limited given my history of fibroids and endo. At the back of my mind I know these can come back any time and if I delay moving to DE for too long by the time I do it might be too late because my fibroids and endo are back.  Wish I had a crystal ball  

I felt so sure til Monday that trying our frosties then moving to DE would be the best option but for some reason my head is all over the place now! 

CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hey CG

it is really tough i know - what does DH think? we are all here to help you through - nothing ventured nothing gained you know !  

I would love to be able to see into a crystal ball and know we had no more heartache on the horizon but we all know that would be dreaming !! its how life is meant to be though - daily ups n downs - you just have to do what is right for you sweetheart

xx


----------



## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

Last jab done !!!  wow what a brave girlie i am !!  cant believe it all 30 done !!  doesnt time fly  

Legs hurt really bad though and bruises are rotten but not to worry - all done now - its all just a blur and distant memory  

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning everyone

well i just dont believe it - i missed being jabbed this morning - felt like something was missing    he he i know that no-one will believe that !!

Mind you i have now swapped one evil for another - dreaded cyclogest this morning - I use front door - I know its all about personal preference but as i am such a nutcase with a very strange mind - i have it in my head that as it is to do things for my womanly areas then it should be used through the unique female entrance - besides i only associate the rear entrance with piles !!  

I forgot how sticky and yuk it was - have got huge supply of pant liners - but as soon as i sat down i felt the gooey stuff come up through the ceiling and straight on to my black pants ! lets see what ariels 30 degree wash can do about that !!

hope everyone is well

lots of love

ann

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

haa haa  will take more than 30 degrees.. well done on the final jab !!! hurrah!!!  
so what happens now - i have only done a short cycle and it all seems very different to the long protocol,so whats you next stage ?  DUH !!! Can't work out from your email when you have ec n et !!!!
i collected my drugs yesterday and have driven down to dorset, just waiting for my Dad to arrive. will just wait for AF and then start injections on day 2 and then another on day 3. last time i then had scans on days 8 and 12 then EC on day 15th ,hope all is similar this time around.
are you away in the camper this weekend  did you say you might be in Dorset ?? fab place- we are on the sandbanks peninsular, at the beginning of Poole harbour.
have a great weekend

CG- i know the decisions are so difficult, you don't know what to do for the best!!! it's all a load of what if's isn't it  yes the doctors can throw stats at you till your blue in the face, but i think you have to do whats best for you and go with your gut instinct...

ooh dads just arrived,so must dash !!!
have a good weekend.. x x x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh the joys of cyclogest - once the wind starts you'll wish you were back on those injections   

How've you found the detox now that you're off the alcohol? She says with a second glass of chilled white wine at hand  

Hope the move goes well Jo. Have a great weekend both and good luck for Monday Ann.     

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

Joey - its next weekend we are off to devon, going to do a stop at longleat safari park and see the eden project too while we are that way.  Musnt do too much though will be on the 2ww.

I am not having egg collection this time - have 4 frosties so hoping that 2 will be ok once thawed and ready for this human incubator on monday.

Cg - its insomnia i suffer with on the cyclogest - i didnt know it last time, but i have written lots of posts about insomnia - i thought it was just stress of injections etc on the first cycle- but i havent really suffered with it this time - until now !!  first day of cyclogest yesterday and do you think i could get off to sleep = no !!!  I am now officially knackered and so fed up laying in bed i thought i might as well get up and treat myself to some housework !!

DH had a botle of wine last night too - was torture !!

have a good weekend

lots of love

ann
xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Chaps

had my call, transfer will take place at 11.30am providing they thaw ok.

I forgot to tell you all about my last but one blood test - 

I had the deed done and it made me very feint, after some water and a few moments to compose myself we left the clinic to head for the uppercrust and a latte.  Craig said he usual "see told you we would leave here alive" and then started laughing at me, i was pretty cross with him and explained i felt very strange - he then proceeded to ask me why i was limping !!!   I have no idea - all i know is that i limped from the clinic to the main entrance - tell you those needles were extremely long ! 

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann,

I hope your embies thawed nicely and are snuggling down nicely by the time you read this     

^fingercrossed^ that it's all gone smoothly for you and you can get a few good nights sleep under your belt.

I had terrible insomnia on cycle no 1 with the burselin. For no 2 I switched to injecting it in the morning and found that did the trick. 

CG xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

feeling pretty devastated at the moment, out of our 4 frosties only 1 survived.  1 exploded in the tube, 2 didnt survive the thaw and the last one that was transferred is a grade 1 - 2.

I dont want to be a defeatist but i cant help feeling like it - dh kept saying one was better than none and i know he is telling the truth and i also know that lots of people who have SET are successful but its just gutting knowing that all my hopes are pinned on that one 4 cell embryo, doesnt leave much margin for error here does it !!

Now there is nothing in the freezer if it doesnt work i will have to endure the whole thing again - including egg collection and that general anaesthetic, gonal f pens etc etc etc - life is so unfair isnt it - this morning i had 4 chances now just the one.

Hopefully its a survivor and i am going to regret this post !

xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann,

I know how disappointed you must feel but you do still have one good embryo on board and it is a little fighter  

Try not to get too upset you've still got a good chance of success - it only takes one and hopefully this is THE one hun       

Sending you lots of   

and      

and       

Love, CG xxxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Ann, i know that intially you must have felt so disappointed as we all have such high expectations,and indeed put such high expectations on our treatments, but you have one strong good quality embie on board !!!!! which is great.....it's been said time and time again on this board but i will say it again for good measure and to be super irritating ( because i know you will say, that's not the point !!!) but ...YOU ONLY NEED THE ONE !!!!  and you do have that- just think of your lovely little embie as "the chosen one" it survived such strong odds... take care on your 2 ww-be precious and try and relax,lots of positive thinking- will be keeping everything crossed for you- when is your test date ??

well i started ( or rather my dad started ) injecting on Sunday-have found that as well as using emla cream,if i put an ice pack on my skin for a few mins b4 hand can defo not feel a thing- great stuff  .

Having a bit of a mare on this cycle as hubby is being very grumpy about the whole thing,saying i should of waited till the next cycle to start.He said it's too much pressure this month, as i have to go back up to London on the 7.a.m train on Friday for a 10am scan and then come straight back down as we are moving at 2pm, then we have 4 friends coming to stay sat a.m. for a charity cricket match they are all playing in!!!! not much stress there then-so nice of hubby to be so supportive eh !  

Also, in a bit of a panic, i went round to my sis-in-laws ( who also moved house yesterday down here in dorset !!mad family) for a BBQ and did my drugs ,but forgot to put the gonalf back in the fridge !!!!!   woke up this morning and remembered- it was in my meds bag with an ice pack,so was still fairly chilled,and still looked clear, but it had been out all night !!!! what should i do ? will it be OK ?? can't bear to have to buy another one ! will put a post on this site to ask i think..................
bloody nightmare !!!!!!!

Hi CG, Hope all is well with you x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

your post made me smile - i can just see you with huge iceberg on the leg and a tube of emla cream !! i also found ice to help or having hot shower just before as well.  Glad your pops is up for the challenge !!

As for your hubby - doesnt it annoy you when they say silly things like that - we are women - multitaskers who can handle anything - even being in 2 places at once !!!

where are you moving too ?  we are coming down to devon/cornwall on saturday for a week in the motorhome - just want to get away to some nice peaceful surroundings and enjoy being pupo

The gonal-F pens i would check out - i know they must be kept below a certain temp but not sure what happens if you dont, i would definately ask your clinic.  When are you going for egg collection ? is it a short protocol or long one ?

when i had my transfer - the young girl who was assisting told me that they were just giving me a clean up - craig blurted out - "I thought you had a shower this morning !" i was mortified, i think they were cleaning out the cyclogest before doing transfer but was so embarassing - had done a long journey and was then really paranoid that my minnie was minging !! 

Do you have any timescales yet CG?

love to you all

xxxx


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## TillyToots (Mar 9, 2007)

Hi Ladies
Really interesting thread, hope you don't mind me asking - where do you get Emla cream from? Can you get it without prescription? 
I am not looking forward to my injections and want to stop any pain possible. 
I like the idea of an ice pack. 
Thanks in advance
TT
x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi tilly, i got mine from the internet. but you can get from chemist as well. x


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## TillyToots (Mar 9, 2007)

Thank you ACBICCY, really appreciate it. It says you have to put it on 60 mins before, is that right? 
thankyou x


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi tilly, i got mine from Boots, but check they have them well in advance- if it's a local store in hicks ville then chances are they will look blankly at you, but they can order it !!Also don't forget to order the clear sticky pads that go with it, if you ever forget them use cling film instead, yes put it on half an hour or 60 mins before, i put an ice pack on for about 1 min b4 injection....there is another cream that you can use, can't remeber it's name, Ann will know.....good luck... 

sorry just realised you live in London -not hicks ville


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi there

Ametop is the other cream but trust me the one worth its weight in gold is emla !! 

I once made the mistake of using a normal plaster (it was before a blood test) when i arrived all brave thinking my arm was numb i got quite a shock - the cream had absorbed into the plaster and had no effect at all !!  bloods didnt go well !! 

For the daily jab i just used a freezer block about a minute before as well - the buserelin jabs make my leg burn so i used it to cool it afterwards as well - also had some pretty good daydreams about wrapping it around dh head on the days he hurt me with the needle !!  makes it more fun  

xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

blimey Ann your up early today! how you feeling  whens the test date.i have got my scan in the morning.will let you know how it goes- i think you are off on hols on Saturday, if i don't catch you before hand have a great time ,try and relax !!!!! ( i know some hope on the 2ww!! ). move date is Friday afternoon,we are just moving round the corner from where we are now,which is a place called Sandbanks, right on the mouth of Poole harbour,so in between Poole and Bournemouth and just opposite a place called Studland,which is beautiful all National Trust area, thEy have some fab camp sites there, just by Corfe 
Castle- it's where Enid Blyton wrote and based the famous five books.wonderful place
Hi CG, what have you been up to ??
joey x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

will treck my motorhome over to some of those camp sites then - always on the lookout for good ones.  

How did scan go ?

test date is 1st august - but i will probably do one on the sunday before - would rather know before starting work again

xx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning Everyone

not sure if its a good sign or bad but i have woken up feeling really odd - I feel unbalanced (craig says i have always been unhinged and unbalanced  ) but what i mean by it is that i dont feel like i am controlling myself - feel like i am going to fall over and trying to correct myself - my hands dont feel like they are doing whats aked etc - its a really strange feeling, things that i look at take a while to register too

I had strange feelings last time but they werent until day 8 - this is only day 5.

Hopefully it is an indication of something good and embie settling in - if not i think my body has been possessed through the night !


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## TillyToots (Mar 9, 2007)

Hi
I just wanted to thank you all for your help re the 'magic cream'. Greatly appreciated.
TT x

ABICCY - Hppe all is ok fingers crossed for you xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Joey,

I hope your move went well and the cricket match didn't get rained off.

It tipped down here yesterday - lots of flooding all over Gloucestershire. Took me ages to get home and ended up driving through some flooded roads with my fingers crossed. Kept thinking DH will kill me if the car conks out or I damage the cat converter! DH had the good fortune (not!) to be in London yesterday. It took him 10 and a half hours to get home to Hicks Ville due to the floods  I think he's jinxed as there's always problems with the train from Londond whenever he's on it!  

How are the injections going? I hope your DH is less grumpy about it all  - men eh! 

We've spent a few lovely weekends in Bournemouth - just love a stroll along the beach...

I'm trying to gear myself up for another round of tx. Think we'll use our frosties (if they survive the thaw) and move onto DE if that doesn't work. Bit worried about starting drugs knowing that I've only got 2 frosties left and they might not survive but I guess it's a case of nothing ventured nothing gained.   Not sure that I want to risk another fresh cycle as it could fail and just add an extra delay in before we move to DE. Sooo I may be joining you girls very soon on the old rollercoaster.

Had hoped to lose some weight beforehand but it ain't happening   and that's despite being asked when my baby was due at a friends 40th birthday a couple of weeks ago - don't know who felt worse me or the woman who asked me! It had to happen at the begining of the party too - went round trying to hold my stomach in as much as I could for the rest of it!! And that wasn;t easy given the size of it   Everyone else I know must think I've got the gestation peroid of an elephant...

Ann - I hope the 2ww is going ok and you're enjoying being PUPO. I'll raise a glass for you and bubba. Are you still feeling a bit strange? 

TT - When do you start your tx? Let me know how the emla cream goes. I might try it myself this time round. I hate injections and they always always struggle to find a vein when I go in for a blood test.  

CG XXXXX


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

we didnt set off yesterday, we both have some sort of virus - have evil poops and bad stomach cramps - its ok for him i gave him some diocalm gum up stuff - but you know what it isnt for pregnant people !!!  so it begins already - the suffering  

I have really sore boobs now - hoping it s baby sign but it could as easily be the HRT pills or cyclogest couldnt it - trying to get something positive though !!

Joey - do they know if it is a problem with your eggs ??  I know what you mean about weight loss - our consultant was shocked at how much i put on over last cycle - I was meant to try and lose 2 stone - didnt manage 2lbs !!  It just wouldnt shift - I believe it is drug related or body shape changing as i get older    I think i would look more in proportion if i had boobs - but i am a ten ton tessy with no boobs but big bum so look huge and not balanced !!

We are going to leave for wiltshire today - have put a seatbelt in the lav and will travel on the porta potty while he drives  

Love to all of you - see you in a week when hopefully i will have some news to get us all going

xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi all, haa haa Ann, can just imagine you clinging on to the porta loo for dear life as Craig negotiates a sharp corner...  must be a bug doing the rounds, we had it all last week,cramps etc..not nice !!!

CG- The weight issue, tell me about it !!!! my stomach is a whopper, i think it must be an age thing as i can't shift an ounce-what's going on !!!! when do you think you may start with your frosties ??

Well i had my scan on Friday and i had not responded very well to the drugs this time ?? don't know why,i was completely shocked-as i was text book last time. anyway they found 1 follicle and asked wether I wanted to proceed further,I said yes, so they said continue drugs and come back Monday- i was in tears on the train all the way back to Bournemouth -then had to move- i don't think i have ever felt so stressed. Anyway the move went OK and we drove back up to London this afternoon for another scan-Freddie the Fighter Follicle (as we have nick named him!)was still doing well and was a strapping 19mm- they explained the odds to us (there could be no egg in folly, it may not fertilised etc..etc..etc..)and again they said did we want to continue, they also said that if i did another cycle i would have to be on some major drugs and i may not respond well again,great eh !!! .they said they couldn't advise us what to do and the decision had to be ours.
we thought that as we had come this far we might as well give it a shot- as i said to Ann last week it only takes 1 ! so we are going to give little Freddie a shot and see what he's made of. (although my husband said i "had to manage my expectations "!!! what does he think this is ? a business deal,cheeky bugger! he just doesn't want a blubbering mess on his hands )
Egg collection is on Weds morning.Will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Joey,

Sending you and Freddie the Follie loads of positive energy and thoughts for tomorrow.          

Will be keeping everything crossed for you.    Freddie is home to a lovely good quality egg.    

   

Group hug  

Love, CG xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, sad news   Freddie the follicle didn't come thru with the goods !!!! after all that !!

the  clinic tried for EC and washed out the follicle about 8 times just in case it was stuck, but they couldn't find an egg !!! anyway they said that there may be a v.v.v. faint possibility that the egg may of escaped just before EC and may be in the fallopian tube...so they suggested that they do artificial insemination just in case! is a very long shot,but at least i feel i have given it my best shot.
They have told be to continue with the pessaries and see what happens. so now on a 2ww with only the slimest of hopes that my egg did a runner just before they went in to retrieve it. will be a bloody miracle, but staranger things have happened.
oddly enough don't feel too bad about the whole thing !!!!! i am either and eternal optimist or just used to disappointment!!!!!  

lol joey x x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Joey, 

I was so sorry to read your news - you must be so disappointed, especially after all the build up.  

Look after yourself over the next few days/weeks. It's such a lot to go through and can really knock you sideways when things don't go to plan. 

I wish there was something more I could say.  that the little blighter decided he wanted to go for the more natural option and is merrily making his way down your fallopian tube.   

Keep strong and if all else fails have a large glass of wine - you deserve it!

Love, CG xxxxxx


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## ikklesmiler (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi Joey
fingers crossed that the eggs on the trvels down the tube hun.
Good luck I really hope it works.
Hugs Ann Marie xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

just got back from cornwall/somerset - was lovely relaxing week.  rained most of it - but got to see the eden project, longleat safari park and cheddar gorge - stayed in some lovely places too.

Joey - was really gutted to hear your news - well done for being strong - will you opt for the major drugs next time ??

I was a bit of a naughty girl on friday - was only 12 days after et and i did a test - it wsa negative so i am not holding out much hope for a pg this time.  the reason i did it was because i have terrible period pains like i am about to have the mother of all bleeds - so i wanted to see if there was a hint but there wasnt.  I also feel great so dont think there are any pregnancy hormones raging through this bod !

Mind you because we have been away for a week and had such a lovely time i do feel ready to face the world again.  Official test date isnt until wednesday so i will keep the PMA until then but am fairly sure it will be a no go and so i am ready prepared.

How is everyone else ?

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann - Welcome back. You sound really chilled. Glad you enjoyed your week away. What did you think of the Eden Project? We've been thinking of going there but still haven't got round to it. 

Try and stay away from those pregnancy tests til Wednesday or we'll have to send the   around! 

Joey - How are you hun? I hope the 2ww is going ok and you're not doing too much around your new house.

Keep strong both.

I'm waiting to join you on the roller coaster. Just waiting for my AF to turn up. Enjoying a few glasses of wine in the mean time  

CG xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi CG

Eden project was great - its amazing to see what we are capable of achieving.  Its just a lot of plants and trees that i have already seen but its the way they have them growing in their unatural habitat that is truly amazing.  Its very hot in the tropical biome as well.

I cashed in my tesco vouchers to get tickets for the day - we were on a camp site not far away and so walked to it - that was quite nice as well.  All in all i had a fab week away.  Was crap getting up for work this morning though - didnt win that lottery this week unfortunately !!!

I had a bit more bleeding last night - nothing to write home about just a couple of smears when wiping myself - still no full blown period yet so will attempt PMA for last couple of days

I dont feel anything like last tme though - no sickness, no tiredness, no sore boobs in fact nothing except period pain, will try to hold out now until weds  

xxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

acbccy just wanted to sent you some postive vibes    !!! for your test day   
L  xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Hi all,wow the sun is back out  always makes me feel better.

Anne you sound as though you had a great time on your hols, came back very relaxed by the sounds of things.  it's beautiful down there isn't it ?? hmmmm it's nearly your test date isn't ,hope you have kept off those pee sticks  , but knowing you I'm not so sure !!!! anyway wishing you lots of   for tomorrow.

well i am on a supposed   but who knows !!! my acupuncture guy seems to think from my temperature chart that i did ovulate-as far as i am aware i have never not ovulated ,so it's all a big mystery to me as to where the blighter got too   . he also seems to think that the stomach bug and squits (soz!) i had for the 1st 5 days of drugs and the stress of moving may have had a negative effect on my response to the drugs(really, tell me something i don't no ).....so next time I'm bringing in the big guns-full on drugs for me   

CG- any sign of the old witch  will you start again on this cycle ? what did you decide on in the end,another full ivf or frozen embies ? hope you feeling well, i envy you that wine-  i tell you this has really tested my will power, because of the long shot of the whole thing i don't really feel like I'm on a 2ww, been unpacking and lugging boxes around and could really do with a large glass of red   but must be good  

Ann, let us know how you get on-fingers crossed. x x x
Jo


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann & Jo,

Sending you both lots of good luck wishes      

& 

   

I'll be keeping , toes and everything crossed for you both.

Jo - you'd be better with a large glass of red than lifting heavy boxes you naughty girl!

AF definately on its way then it's a time for my frozen embies to get their chance.

Love, CG xxxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

girls.....why do you all have nice big coloured stars and "charter vip" under your names and i only have small gold/silvery stars ??
don't want to be left out or anything   but who do you have to sleep with to beome a vip


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning all

even though i had already given you a sneaky preview of the answer, just thought i would let you know that we didnt get a positive this morning.  I dived out of bed this morning with my first wee to give it the very best chance but not even a pimple on the test, I will call my unit later to find out how quickly we can go again.

Not looking forward to EC - will start winding myself up now - emla cream here we come !!

We are away in the van this weekend with craigs family - so i am glad i bought some proper cider back from somerset with me - going to live it up this weekend !!! 

Joey - to get the stars you have to become a charter member by subscribing, its a donation to the FF chaps for providing the site - £20 which i think is a bargain, therapy costs so much more  

Love to you all

ann
xxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

Oh Ann, sorry to hear your news   what a big bummer .................

That's my girl, have a rest, a few wee drinkies and go again when they say so, honestly don't start worrying abour EC, I thought i would but when it comes to it, you know what to expect and just want to get on with it.........it's no where near as bad 2nd time round,i swear  

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND, THINKING OF YOU


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

joeyt said:


> girls.....why do you all have nice big coloured stars and "charter vip" under your names and i only have small gold/silvery stars ??
> don't want to be left out or anything  but who do you have to sleep with to beome a vip


Hi

There's a "sticky" post towards the top of this IVF board (and on other boards) explaining about Charter VIP...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=100084.0

Take care
Natasha


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

I have spoken to my unit and i cant start again for three cycles !!  That has really gutted me - will now be october before i can start again.  I wasnt expecting that !

They like you to be rid of all the drugs before starting again - so looks like i will have a summer on the wine after all !!

I have the courage at the moment - wont have it by then and it will be traumatic again - life is such a bummer isnt it !

I will try harder to lose weight this time though - will be nice and fit ready for next cycle  

xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ann,

Sorry it wasn't to be hun. I know how much it meant.

It's a right pain waiting 3 cycles til you can start again when you just want to get straight on and try again but I think most clinics say the same. Glad you're well stocked with cider in the meantime   October will be here before you know it   

Joey - your post made me   I've never thought of sleeping my way to the top before! Like Ann said the £20 seemed a small price to pay to help keep this site going - I'd be completely   without it.  

Group hug  

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Thanks everyone

I know this sounds daft but i am just going to forget i have even been through it and pretend that i am now waiting to do my first cycle, that way i am excited instead of sad.

Craig poured me a scrumpy last night - I didnt want it but drank it - he is worried that i will only have one and be drunk tomorrow as not had a drink for 8 weeks !!  thought i needed some practice !!  I reckon he is right - I was asleep after half an hour !!  party girl that i am  

I think it will roll up quite quickly, we are so busy for next 6 weekends with weddings, partys and weekends away that we have lots to plan and organise - I can also have a bevvy at these events now as well (would have preferred to have the excuse of being preggars but hey ho sure a tipple wont go amiss  )

love to everyone

xxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Morning everyone

I must be the only early riser out of us all !!  

I am off today, having a new hairdo and packing the van for a weekend away with his family, his brother coming over from wales to go camping with us too - so all 3 brothers going to be together - youngest one has only gone and invited the MIL & FIl as well !!   

A weekend with them is something i am not prepared for !!  if i upset them whilst in a drunken state tough !!!

I have a question though - not sure if anyone can help.  It is now 19 days since ET and i still havent got my period, I stopped taking drugs on tuesday night - how long should it be ??  I think i will do another pg test before going on a bender to make sure but am worried now that it hasnt arrived ??

hope everyone else has a great weekend

love to all

ann
xxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hiya girls, Ann how did the weekend with mil and fil go   come on who did you shout at  has AF arrived yet ? still waiting for mine, test day is weds but not really holding out much hope as i feel as though AF is just around the corner !!! i think it's no bad thing to wait 3 cycles, it will give you time to get your body off the drugs and take a break, i think my clinic will say the same ,so i will hopefully start again end sep/oct...
Just down for the week in sunny sandbanks,dorset and have been on the beach all day 

was thinking,  statistics must mean one of us must get preggers soon !!!!!!


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi girls, hope you both had a lovely weekend and Craig's family are still talking to you Ann  

That's the spirit - treat each cycle as if it were the first! 

Joey -  you get a BFP on Wednesday, I'll be keeping everything crossed for you hun. 

   

I rang the clinic to book my frozen cycle tomorrow.   Had a major wobble last few days as really wasn't sure what to do for the best, fresh or frozen then DE. Really worried that my 2 little frosties won't make it through the thaw...still decided to go with the frozen cycle and hope for the best.

Still enjoying my wine at the moment but will have to stop that soon   I'm sure I've read somewhere that a glass of red is good for you  

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

Yes i was a very good girl over the weekend !!   actually i had a 4 mile walk back along cromer beach whilst craig & his brothers enetertained MIL & FIL so i never had time to upset them  

Joey - will keep my fingers crossed, hopefully this will be the first summer bump and CG yours will follow.  Will be keeping everything crossed for both of you.

I am quite pleased we have to wait now - am so excited about starting again though - I weight 14st 4 3/4 on a 5'7" frame so need to shift a bit, currently working on a calorie counted diet - making sure i save some cals for weekend binge drinking  

Anyway - am at work will write later

Love to you all

xxxxx


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## joeyt (Dec 2, 2006)

hi, well af arrived last night,wasn't surprised or upset really, just was really expecting it.. will go again, but must be realistic since starting all this i just don't know wether it will work....i have just been told we are such lucky people in many respects,have wonderful homes in London,wales,and sandbanks,and just looking for one abroad,i have a great partner and should count myself lucky that him indoors earns wacks in the city.....( all this from people with guess what, have 3 kids!!!!)
but you know what, it means diddly squat..... all i can say at this point is  .....  and to the rest of them     gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, i bite.

but  to the rest of you x x x x


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Joey

bless your heart - yes i know what you mean and i know where you are coming from - my friends who have children all say that !!  we have nice home, every gadget going, motorhome, nice cars and holidays etc and they all want to trade !!  I suppose no-one is ever happy with their own life are they ??

As for trying again - well we will all be here with you - you are opting for the serious drugs this time arent you ?? I will be there right with you - mine will begin again in sept/oct - we have decided though that if we arent succesful by the end of this treatment & any frosties that we will give up and lead the life of luxury instead - choosing the theory that it wasnt meant to be !

I am not upset at the moment either - in fact i feel very positive that next time will be the one - mind you also know that it is a 50/50 in either favour !!

It looks very much like i am about to lose my job too - company i have worked my whole life for and given so much too is going down the pan and nothing i can do to stop it - I have worked 23 hour days in the past to get a new system up and running - never really been that well paid and now have not much to show for all that effort - life is truly a bummer, but i suppose its all about life lessons isnt it - I have learnt that whatever i do next i must not be walked over and make sure i am paid what i am worth!!  and i am not going to worry about the future as what will be will be hey.  Sounds silly that i get more worked up at a stranger with a 1cm tiny needle !!!  man i am a muppet !! 

Anyway - hope you all having good day 

Love always

Ann


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Joey,

So sorry that it hasn't worked this time but you will get there I'm sure.    Even when you suspect it hasn't worked it's still a killer when it's confirmed.   

Make sure it's major drugs next time around and you're not moving house - that home abroad needs to be bought now or should wait until you're on maternity leave (that's an order!!!)  

Unfortunately it's all too easy for people to assume a nice lifestyle is the be all and end all - I don't think anyone realises it's not until they're in the position we're in. Like you I know people think my DH and I have everything we need and more, and many probably think we're too interested in our careers or ourselves to have a family - to be honest it's been far easier to perpetuate that impression than to reveal the fact we'd swap it in a second for what they have! OK, maybe not everything     I still want the nice house, car and hols ... I just want it all!! It always amazes me that it's the ones with children that are the most insensitive. Makes you wonder how much they value their own sometimes!

Ann,

Sorry to hear your job's under threat but perhaps a change will be a good thing, especially if you've been taken advantage of where you are. Know your worth and go for it   

Well as they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger all I can say is we must be super human   So girls it had better be 3rd time lucky all round     That's the target we've got to strive for next  

Lots of love, CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi CG

Very nice speach   you should run for PM - of course i will be running too !!   

I think that perhaps where i am going wrong is not taking enough time off work - so maybe losing my job will be a blessing in disguise - if i get redundancy it will cover cost of IVF and give me breathing space for a month to do it - the only downside is that if i do get pregnant no new employer is going to want to take on a pg woman - guess i will be doing cash in hand dock work for a while  

I am not too worrie d- what will be will be hey - no point in stressing - but i have learnt lots of valuable lessons and know where i go wrong - am now going to get the qualifications i need and have put off - so lots of studying for me now.  I have the experience but its all self taught so need the text book qualification to let the big times roll !!  Craig already spending it !!!

Anyway - better get on - hope you are both well - we have decided to head off to skegness for weekend - I am chilling the cider i bought back from cheddar - so expecting it to be a wild one !!!  

love to all

xxxxxxxxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

How are you all ?  I am off to skegness tonight - have chilled up some cider (bought from cheddar) and some wine and might even spark up the barbie.  Got my bike on the back of motorhome so i can exercise it all off  

Enjoy the sun

xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ann,

Hope you had a great weekend and got the ratio of cider to exercise right - 3 pints to 20 yards should do it   DH and I went for a swim and sauna on Saturday, which was bliss!

Joey - how are you doing? Still house hunting or just enjoying the sun?

CG xxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone

Skeggy was great - most fun i have had in a while - cycled 1 1/2 miles into the sea front and drank magners all afternoon - people watching - very good fun, got so many bruises on my legs where the cycle home was a bit wobbly !!  missed my pedals  

we have the administrators in at work, I feel like i have the weight of all the employees on my shoulders at the moment.  I am the one that has to provide the administrators with all the info they require and as i am the most inquisitive it seems to be me that gets to ask all the questions and then explain them to staff.  Very troubling times.  We are all hoping that the company will go bust now and we get redundancy - but it will be government paid and all i will get is about £4k for 16 years of my life - I could be on the dole by the end of next week.  We do know that people are interested in the company and we may still have jobs but it is a 50/50 chance. I do feel so cheated that i could have quite easily head butted my bosses, but when i get boxed in i always come out fighting and the strength i have at the minute is unreal - just cant explain it.  I had to tell the administrators that i am not heartless as i dont think they could believe how well i took the news.  I am sure that once i have helped all my friends and it is all wound up that i will crumble but for now i feel like superwoman !

My first cycle buddy gave birth to her twin girls last week, it was her 5ths tx and she is petrified of needles too - but mother and babies all doing well and she told me it was really worth it !!  I am sure we will all be lucky this next time.

Love to you all

xxxxx


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## ACBICCY (Nov 19, 2006)

Hi everyone

how are we all ??  

My due date was on sunday, was a little sad when my mum called me to tell me my baby factory cousin dropped out her little boy bradley one week early on my babys due date.  Then my dad text me to tell me my step brother had his 7th child on saturday !!  glad someone holding up the fort hey !!

Apart from that we did have a wonderful weekend, we were godparents to a very special little girl so gave us something to concentrate on all day - so did the magners we drank  

Its my review appointmnet today, am hoping that he will let me start again in oct and not make me wait til nov.

Will keep you all posted

xxxx


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## Rachel (Mar 10, 2004)

This way to a new home 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=109445.new#new


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