# Choosing your donor.. Thoughts please



## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Hiya ladies hope some of you can help put my mind at rest. 

About a month ago I was asked to chose my donor for my forthcoming IVF tx in jan. there were three choices. I'm blue eyed & so are my family so blue eyes was very much a must for me but when it came to choose the blue eyed donor hadn't got any positive preg history (embrol manager wouldn't give me much info about donor) but the brown eyed did so I went with brown eyed, since then I've looked at everyone's eyes, I've done nothing but dream about eyes and I feel I've made a mistake therefore I've sent the clinic an email asking if I could change my donor!! I hope they do as a blue eyes are really very important to me due to my family all being blue.. 

Would any of you be worried about the fact his not got a positive pregnancy result? I've asked the clinic if they could tell me if his been on there books for a while and is there a problem with him.. Which I'm sure there isn't!!

This is all that follow my heart and not my head.. Girls have a made the right choice? Do you know what else I can answer the embrol about the donor? 

Thank you in advance xx


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## Passenger42 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hi there

I notice this is your 5th IVF attempt.  I was similar to you but was using donor egg rather than sperm and wanted my donor to have blue eyes like mine.  I was all set to go and then was told the egg quality was not good enough and the cycle had to be cancelled.  I had also used intralipids and steriods for this attempt and I was shattered when I got this news, I asked the clinic if anybody else was due for egg collection and the only lady ready had brown hair and brown eyes but had a two year old son.  I said please let me use her, I was desperate to get that elusive BFP, time was not on my side and I am now pregnant.

I suppose what I am trying to say to you is what is more important a healthy baby or an attempt with an unproven donor who has blue eyes.  This is such an expensive gamble I would say if I placed bets go for the proven donor every time.  You say that all your family has blue eyes, well are people going to be prying into your family history, does this include grandparents and great grandparents.  I understand your worries, I doubt my baby will look like me, but your may have the stronger genes (in my case I think my ex partner might have, as all his kids look like him from his previous marriage).

This child will be half yours so it will be lovely whatever eye colour it has, I think your just having a wobble, there is no guarantees that any baby will have the same eye colour as their parents.  

If you feel more happy with the blue eyes go with this choice, but if the history on this person does not look good, and there is a fertile brown eyed person out there who is the height and skin tone you want (also important) then you may wish to reconsider.

I hope all goes well for you, this is such a hard process, I am very grateful to my brown eyed girl what ever she looks like! LOL

Passenger x


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Thank you for your post and I've read your every word with much thought. 

My previous cycles were with my ex who had very poor perm issues along with low everything!! Donor was discussed last year but we chose to keep trying with him! As you can tell that was a bad move as my June cycle this year was the final mare with no live sperm in his sample and all my eggs had to be frozen. The clinic were cr*p so I moved to a fantastic clinic who have looked at his levels and my eggs.. Anyhow they told me that his levels were that low that they should of pushed us to make donor a viable choice! Although my eggs fertilised and produced good embies that the survival may be sperm related above anything. Anyhow I transferred my frozen eggs to new clinic who have re-frozen them for me and obviously donor has been my only choice. 

Now I get what your saying and I'm going to speak with the nurse in more detail tomorrow but at my old clinic the only thing I would be told about donor was height, colour skin, eyes & hair nothing false so is be non the wiser to the success results! Also i wonder if ladies who have done egg share or egg donation do they always disclose if they have had a positive preg result because two ladies I do know who have egg shared haven't shared this info and my friend who's has egg donor wasn't informed of this so I shouldn't make a full gone conclusion based on that information alone.. If you catch my drift!! 

I guess I want the blue eyed for me as much as for my child.. All my neices, mom, dad sister etc are blue eyed and so have been all my ex's I've never been attracted to a man with brown eyes and as no one really knows of what I'm going through I guess I'd rather people not quizz me as I know some will. 

I shall speak to my nurse tomorrow and ask get adivce.. I thought I'd made the right choice but my heart keep over ruling it!! X


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I think maybe understanding alleles (brown eyes have 5 and blue 1 etc) and genetics of eye colour inheiritance may help- even if you both have blue eyes there is no guarantee. At the end of the day I am one of those people who never notice eye colour in people it is insignificant for me. My dad had blue eyes, my mum brown and I have brown.

http://genetics.thetech.org/online-exhibits/what-color-eyes-will-your-children-have

I have only been an egg recipient from an egg sharer in the UK and the clinic gave me info about her ht,wt, colouring, her profession, pergnancy history , hobbies, why they were egg sharing. I believe you get more info if there is a child born.

Good luck x

/links


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Thank you ladies I've taken your words and comments on board but my minds made up and I've changed donors.. My clinic has given me more info and I understand now a little more!! His actually a new donor who's only ever donated once before and I'm only the 2nd person to get chance to try him so fingers crossed I've made the right choice. 

Thank you to the lovely lady called Coco who shared with me her story and she went with a new donor with no pregnancy results and she's pregs with twins so it can happen and I'm hoping it can happen to me. 

As my clinic said all donors start with nothing and as my ex partner had children from previous relationship and still I didn't get pg there's just no saying why these things do and don't happen. 

I'm very grateful for your comments and I wish you all the very best. Thank you xxx


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## Passenger42 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hi


Glad you got some reassuring information to help you make your decision.  Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your tx.


Passenger xxx


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Thank you so much Passenger.. I hope I'm as lucky as you one day.. May the rest of your pregnancy be joyful and baby arrives in a puff of wind!! X


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Good Luck xx


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