# Single, Over 40, Irregular Cycles and very depressed



## Adelphi (Jun 20, 2006)

Hello,
I started getting irregular cycles 18 months ago. I was rejected for any treatment due to age - I was then just 40. I still look about 28.

I have managed to bring everything under  control using acupuncture, reflexology and nutrition. My cycle is still relatively irratic. I does smooth out when I go on holiday.

I have just read that anovulation might be triggered by stress and that Cognetive Behavioural Therapy might be the way to treat. Research shows regular ovulation was achieved in 80% of cases. So I'm starting to look for a therapist who des not charge the earth.

I feel heart broken because I have ovulated since I started having these problems but I have no access to sperm. I need regular access. that means being a in a relationship.

I thought I met someone who was happy to start trying for a family. That crashed last week. He has serious psycho-sexual issues. He also scares me.

Finding sperm feels like an uphill sturggle. Can't go to "banks" because my cycle is not regular. I would need a huge budget to keep "going back to them". I need access to some at least 3 times each month.

From feeling very positive and happy a few weeks ago I'm now feeling so tired, down, depressed and stressed I feel like life is just not worth living any more.

I feel like I've hit a brick wall.

I feel like ending it. It's all too painful.

Can anyone help at all


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## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi there Adelphi,

It's horrible to hear you're feeling so low and desperate. Try having a look on the 'lesbians using donor sperm' thread as there are many of us using different methods to access sperm.

Hope this helps, chin up  

Rach and Julie


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Adelphi
I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low.   Would it be worth going to see your GP to see what he/she can do to help? Once you are feeling a bit better and stronger, you could maybe then follow up on the ideas on the thread Rach and Julie have suggested. I know from personal experience how it feels when you feel like you have hit a brick wall but there are always other options to try.  Hang on in there.

Ellie


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## sam mn (Feb 2, 2006)

adelphi,

so  sorry you are feeling so low. i agree with ellie, think its a good idea to go to GP if your feeling that low and discuss why you are feeling so bad. 

have you thought about researching clinics that treat single women. there is a crisis with donor sperm at the mo but there are some out there. its just a matter i finding the right clinic. there are still clinics in london that have sperm.

there is a thread for single women trying to concieve using donor sperm. why dont you join it. you can gain lots of info. there is also the anyone using donor sperm thread again, they will give you lots of support.

sam mn
xxxxxx


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## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

Adelphi,

I also agree with the other guys about seeking help from your GP initially.... Just wanted to let you know that there are possibilities out there. Good luck.

Rach and Julie x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Adelphi

Firstly Hun, I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment and here's a big cyber  to make you feel a bitter brighter.

The infertility journey holds a lot of uncertainties for us all, regardless of whether we have regular access to sperm or not and this can be extremely difficult to cope with.  Until you realise you have a fertility issue, you tend to take it for granted that you could become a mummy if you wanted to and it comes as a big shock to find that actually that's not the case and in fact it might not happen for you at all!   That's the same for us all sweetie and I do know how much that can hurt you. 

Have you had any counselling hun?   I think it would be a very good idea to see your GP and to ask for a counselling referral.  It's important for everyone involved with Infertility Tx to maintain a sense of perspective, to develop coping skills to help them come to terms with failed cycles and to arrive at a stage of acceptance, where they can develop an alternative life plan if it is their destiny not to have children.  I know that must sound horrifying now hunny, but the fact is there are no guarantees for any of us and it's extremely liberating to be in an emotional place where you have reached that level of acceptance.  It doesn't mean you are giving up on having a family, it just means you know you would have a fulfilling and happy life if it's not meant to be.  Many people cannot arrive at that place of acceptance on their own and need the help of a counsellor to get there, so please do ask your GP for a referral, you will find it helpful I'm sure. 

I'm not sure from your post (so please forgive me) whether you are wanting to bring this child up alone or as part of a loving relationship?  I only ask because I think it's important you are clear about what role you want a man to play in this.  Do you just want a sperm donor or do you want someone to be a partner and father to the baby?  If you just want a sperm donor then there are lots of ways as the girls have said of achieving this and reading back through some of the threads they have highlighted I am sure will be a huge source of help.  However, if you want a man who will be a partner and dad, then perhaps you have to think more cautiously about this.  It would be terrible sweetie, if you met a man and rushed into having a child with him, thinking he would be there to support and you and your baby only to find that 6 months down the line he turned into a horrorbag and let you down.  

I'm not judging you either way Hun, I think it's incredibly brave to want to bring a baby up alone.  I just think it's important to identify what your expectations are of this man, before you get going (so to speak!  ).  Once you know that you can forge ahead knowing your expectations wont get steam-rollered and you get hurt in the process.

When you are feeling so low hun, try to keep some perspective on the situation, think about all the other positive things you have in your life, all the people who love you and who you love.  Try to distract yourself by doing something nice for a few hours (go for a nice walk, see friends, have your hair done etc) these are all feel-good activities which will raise your mood.  I dont know whether you are into exercise or the gym?  If not a walk will do, but exercise (even gentle walking) releases Serotonin in your brain which is a feel-good chemical! (Course you could just eat a shed-load of choccie for the same result, but obviously not good for your waist-line!!   )

Take great care of yourself hun and give that doc a call! 

LOL

Amanda xxxxxx


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## Adelphi (Jun 20, 2006)

Hello people,
Thank you for your support. 
I've been battling the system for 18 months on my own. I have to say as a start point my GP was less than helpful so as per usual I would be finding any kind of non emergency treatment for myself outside the system.
As it happens I was due to see my acupuncturist on Tuesday who gave me a sequence of needles that immediatly lifted my mood. I also took a couple of days off work. Als this has been very helpful.

Given the kind of men that I'm meeting at the moment I really have no alternative than to pursue finding a private sperm doner. This is because I need regular access to sperm due to the fact the predicting my cycles is almost impossible.

So I'm looking for someone who has had recipient experiance of free sperm donors world wide website.
Sorry to give a back to front answer to the question about raising a baby, I am looking to have my baby and feel very capable of providing a balanced and loving environment for him or her to grow up in.

I will go say hello to the ladies in the single channel.
Again thanks for our support and god bless.
Adelphi


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## lucky2010 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hi Adelphi,

We found our donor after putting an ad on free sperm donors worldwide website. We got around 20 responses, some less than desirable but many genuine and kind. We found the person who runs the site, Emma, helpful and genuinely supportive.

Hope this helps.

Rach x


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

Adelphi - i just wanted to mention that you might want to look into having acupuncture - if you do it with someone who is a fertiilty expert it will do wonders for your cycle, that together with taking your temps would give you a good idea of when you are ovulating and help you pinpoint when you need sperm .... i went to an acupuncturist in london and i couldnt believe the difference it made to my cycle .. there is lots of advice on acupucntursts on the complementary section thread ... it is important that you get someone who is used to dealing with people who have treatment.
if you live in london, i can recommend daniel elliott who works from harley street about 2 days a week.
wishing you lots of luck on your journey


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## Valhalla (May 25, 2006)

email me


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## Adelphi (Jun 20, 2006)

Hello Safarigirl,
I am seeing the acupuncturist you mentioned and he has done wonders for me. My ovaries are active but erratic. I am also seeing a most brilliant reflexologist called Katie Sedgwick she works at various clinic/ health therapy rooms in central/south London. You are right - both of these practitioners specialise in infertility issues.

Essentially I need to focus on getting pregnant. In some ways being single can be very difficult because one has to unlearn a lot of societal conventions, norms and rituals and to some extent one's own internal instincts to do this. It is easy to slide back into looking for a relationship so to speak.

With me _time _ really is of the essence and the thing about relationships is that they take some time to pan out and build. And sadly _Time_ is really not what I've got.

Relationships will always be there, however my eggs will not.

I feel a lot better today because I am doing something towards getting to my end goal.

I have also joined free sperm donations web site.

Ta all 
Adelphi x x


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