# regression



## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

I maybe reading into things but we had our lac review last week and since I have noticed my Ds has regressed with certain behaviours particularly towards me, he initially was resistant to me. He is trying to control, screaming at bedtime again, pushing boundaries and generally seems a little unsure of me again. Ds has been with us since March but adoption order only just been submitted for number of reasons hence why review. Our ds in the past few months has seemed so settled and dare I say  content,  that it's really upset me to see these behaviours again and. I wondered  anyone else had encountered this I am reassuring and keeping him close an briefly mentioned the visit reinforcing he is with us always and how much we love him. I do wonder why social services think a ninety minute meeting which is heavy going should be conducted with the child present during this,  ok with a non mobile baby but not a hectic two year old who is scarily aware and astute he is the main subject and who in theory is on his third mummy. Any advice wonderful peeps? Xxx


----------



## angel_lass (Sep 10, 2008)

Hi sorry to hear that I can't offer any advice but would love to hear from someone who can offer you some as our DD will need to go through the same thing. It's beggars beleif that they tink its beneficial for a two year old to be present at such a meeting it just sets them back so much!


----------



## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

Thanks Angel lass, you may not have any probe but I agree that it's a weird idea to have lo present when discussing them, birth parents, fc, our feelings ext ext.  we noticed it at the 3 month review too. It is bound to unsettle any child having three virtual strangers exuding authority and formality come to the house looking at them, talking to them and taking away mummies attention!  I understand they want to see lo but this ready happens with the other visits! My husband just went to the other room with ds and played and kept him distracted as much as possible but obviously day was aware! Just hope it doesn't unsettle him for too long and he doesn't struggle with Christmas xx


----------



## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi, we are 17 months into placement and remain pre adoption order so have had plenty of LAC reviews and numerous other meetings, visits etc.... These always have a profound affect on my daughter, the behavioural changes start whilst the visitors are here   
I think it's a complex mixture of worrying that everyone is talking about her, making decisions about her (therefore triggering her intense need to control) and also a worry that no one is looking at/ talking to her....
So for the last two LAC reviews held 3 months apart I've refused to have her present. Unfortunately our IRO is a stickler for protocol and insists on setting eyes on her each time so we've brought her back for the very end of the review where he literally has a quick chat with her and leaves  

I would broach the subject with sws, always best to 'ask'  

Hope the behaviour settles quickly x


----------



## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

Thanks crazy spaniel it's good to hear from others who have experienced this and you make sense when you say knowing they r being talked about results in the intense need to control, this is totally my ds..My. social worker actually called asking to come round today to discuss amends in her annex a for order and I explained she would need to email and why and she was very good about it and understanding but my feeling is they shouldn't subject the child to that in the first place! Growl  Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Its very normal on a number of grounds

1. Some are strangers the last strangers that came into their home was you and you moved them. Fear / extreme stress of strangers is normal.  
2. Some of them their sw have moved them a lot. Some have been involved in finding them places to move - family finder. 
3. They are all sat talking about them and their past not nice for anyone poor things. 

As the wise crazy spaniel says it's ridiculous and so badly thought out. Ultimately we are the ones that suffer from the consequences.  So huge hugs it's so hard when you've worked so hard and taken steps forward to feel like it crumbles. My eldest used to suffer for 7 to 10 days after. This got less as time went on. Then when she was settled the last visit she actually refused to talk or interact with her sw and mostly lay in a depressed stupor on the floor.  Her ssw didn't do a good bye visit and isn't attending our celebration day as she realises her presence now simply causes stress and upset. Which is nice of her to do what is best for my dd they're her favourite case and I know sshe'll be gutted not to say bye. 

Just keep ploughing on and they'll leave you soon huge hugsxxxx


----------

