# Changing the womb



## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Hi there! 

I know this section is not very populated but I'll try my luck.
I think I want a bit of reassurance or maybe an advice, not sure. Me and my wife decided from the beginning that I will carry, I will have the treatments, part because I really want to and she doesn't or maybe should say didn't and part because she has a medical condition and she's on a treatment that is completely contraindicated in pregnancy.
Fast forward a year turns out I can't get pregnant and my wife now feels she should try and more and more we have discussions about it. She can potentially go on a treatment that will allow her to get pregnant, she can potentially have a pregnancy that will not make her condition worse, she feels now that she wants to try and why shouldn't she...
I feel ill with the thought I can't carry, it's like a panic attack but don't know why the panic. I would love my wife's child, I would love any child, I would love a double donor child that's not the issue, I think I just can't imagine life without experiencing pregnancy. 
I did raise this issue at the counselling but didn't get far with it. 
I guess I want to know if there are any couples that had to go through the same and if it was easy...or not. Did it come natural? I don't know how I should feel. Obviously my wife could try and not get pregnant but I can see it happening, she'll try and boom will get pregnant and that thought brings tears to my eyes because I know I'll see myself as a failure. 
I just hope this will go, I want to be there for my wife if she's going to try it and most important to feel nothing but happiness if it's successful.


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## sm89 (Jan 31, 2017)

Hi

Sorry to hear what you are going through. 

If the problem is that you can't get pregnant, would you consider carrying your wife's egg? (Inter-partner IVF) Me and my partner are doing this as it was the obvious choice for me to carry however we both wanted to be as involved as possible. If that is an option it might be worth speaking to a clinic about it. We are with the Lister and there are a few other women that have done the same thing there and been successful. If I have misunderstood my apologies. 

Good luck with everything


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

I don't know if my eggs are the problem or not. It could be my uterus and therefore it's going to fail regardless of which eggs I use. I had great response and good egg quality at all times. 
I would love to carry her embryo of course.


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## sm89 (Jan 31, 2017)

It might be worth speaking to your consultant about what went wrong and whether inter-partner would be any different. If your egg quality is good you could consider your wife carrying your egg? 

Can't imagine how you must feel, I appreciate it's not an easy choice to make.


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

It didn't work more than once so I had the chance to have more than one conversation with more than one consultant but didn't get an answer just yet.
I was more referring to me not being able to carry than not being able to have my own offspring so my wife carrying it will not make it easier from that perspective. 

I guess it's still a lot to grieve and maybe with time things will come.


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## sm89 (Jan 31, 2017)

Ah I understand. Yes definitely, it's a really hard and difficult process. Hope things work out for you


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