# Fed up with fertility issues overtaking sex life



## Hedgepig (Oct 17, 2015)

Hello All,

Wanted to share my thoughts and seek advice/thoughts from others that feel like this.

We have been TTC for over 2 years, had 1 round of IVF (BFN) in March 2016 and starting next cycle in Oct 2016. Wanted a break in between for further fertility tests, money and sanity reasons!

We are trying naturally inbetween IVf cycles. My DH and I are both sick of the timing around ovulation and the pressure of that timing and how unsexy it actually is. It has got to the point where this month we both have missed the crucial times (Thrush has been part of this issue, sorry TMI!).

I just want our love life back and with each unsuccessful natural TTC month it makes me feel it won't happen naturally so why do we bother timing it and should we just stick to the IVF and see if that works and go back to me being normal the rest of the time. However that is easier to say than do in practice when I have my ovulation window imprinted on my brain each month after two years of TTC!

It has even got to the point where I am dreading the next round of IVF and the drama, stress and emotional strain that brings.

We both want normal life again and part of me feels that perhaps having children biologically isn't meant to be for us.

We have discussed over doing 3 rounds, I don't think I can face anymore than that. I know lots of women do and have but I worry about the impact on my/our sanity and effect on our marriage.

Urghhh it's all so hideous isn't it this fertility business isn't it!


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Hi there 

How you feel is perfectly natural. TTC stops being fun when it still hasn't happened months or years after first planning to have a baby. I think any couple would agree that it's far from sexy or spontaneous when you're having to time your sex life to coincide with your ovulation window. Funnily enough, IVF can actually make your sex life more fun and enjoyable again once that pressure to conceive naturally has been taken out of your hands. 

It is very hard not to focus on your fertile time of the month especially if you have a regular cycle. I don't so this was always a wing and a pray kind of timing for us!! I think it's ok to still try to maximise your chances of conceiving naturally but on the days of the month when conception isn't on the cards, try to restore the spontaneity that you enjoyed together before the TTC journey began. There's nothing less romantic or intimate than simply 'going through the motions' but sadly I think any couple trying to conceive for any length of time feels this way. Don't worry; things will return to normal! Everyone has the dream of falling naturally just prior to an IVF cycle starting and this does happen for some ladies. But you have your next round planned and in place so maybe for the next couple of months take the stress out of TTC and just enjoy being together during the build up to what is always a stressful time for both partners. 

In terms of putting a limit on the number of times you undergo IVF, this is a very personal choice and everyone has different reasons for continuing or stopping when the time is right for them. What I would say as an 'old-timer' is that if someone had said to me 5 years ago when I first started TTC that I'd endure 5 rounds of treatment I wouldn't have believed them. I never thought I'd be a multiple-IVFer but the more cycles you have, the harder it is to stop ... Don't put pressure on yourself to succeed within a set number of tries as this will only stress you out more. Just take each cycle as it comes. You'll know when the time is right to stop for your sanity and your relationship! 

Good luck with your forthcoming cycle.

x


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## Fertilityhawk (Jan 22, 2015)

Hi Hedgepig

I really do feel for you as it's exactly how I feel right now.  In fact as I was reading your post I thought my goodness I could have written this lol!!

I think the cruellest thing about infertility is the hope.  No matter what we go through or how long we've been trying to conceive there's always that tiny bit of hope each month that a miracle might have happened and you're pregnant naturally, so I would say that what you are feeling is 100% normal.  It feels almost wrong to not even try to DTD when you're ovulating.  Please be kind to yourselves though, we tried to introduce date nights again, occasionally we'd go out and get really quite drunk, that definitely led to some spontaneous enjoyable evenings if you get my drift   

We also had our first IVF in March but last year.  We had a bfn and then also waited until October for our 2nd round as we also wanted a decent break.  Our 2nd round wasn't successful but we didn't intend to go nearly a year without doing our third and final cycle (date to be confirmed lol) but as time went on I just felt that we needed a bigger break.  

A friend recently told me that I shouldn't view our 3rd cycle as our last "roll of the dice" as we were putting too much pressure on ourselves, but I also agree with you and think that there is a limit to what I can go through.  I really admire multiple IVF'ers but I'm not sure I could do that, but like hopefulshell says never say never.

Wishing you the best of luck with your cycle xxx


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## loudlikelove (Jun 23, 2016)

Hi Hedgepig, 

It's amazing how one person can sum up the same feelings and issues you have (even down to the TMI!).

I think it's perfectly fine to change what your plans are. Personally I made the decision to not proceed with any cycles of IVF because it's tough enough to just go through the trying and waiting naturally without throwing all the injections and appointment visits in.

I'll be honest though, try putting less pressure on the times around ovulation. I've found that helped us. We just do it regularly from around day 10 with the emphasis on fun (very hard at times but we try our best!) up to when my cycle is due (when it bothers to show up). 

Also if you're dreading it, maybe a break would be worth it. Positivity is such a key role in all our troubles!


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