# No interest in sex



## Grubby Grubb (Nov 26, 2010)

Hi - I really need some advice please.....

I am 43 and have been through 3 un-successful cycles of icsi already, thing is I am totally not interested in sex with my husband anymore, there may be a couple of days in the month where I think it might be nice but tbh I would much rather read a book than anything else   I'm not sure if its an age thing or because of all the treatment I have been through thats making me feel this way.....


I hope someone can


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## Stubborn (Jul 1, 2011)

Honey, I got like that over the years of treatment and trying.  I only wanted to dtd at the 'right' time, and couldn't see the point of it the rest of the time. I can remember having to drop hints that I was not in the mood so the poor chap didn't get his hopes up   
Now that it is purely recreational and the pressure is off we are much happier (although late nights and long days at work for DH mean we are not exactly like teenagers...)
Maybe a few days away, with ttc off the agenda, might help you relax and find the 'zing' again?  If you are both less interested maybe it isn't really a problem, but do talk to your DH about it. I hope you can sort something out.
Take care


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## karen71 (Oct 19, 2012)

I'm the same, though I recently found out I'm starting the menopause early, so don't know if is that. I feel so guilty about it, for my bf's sake..


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Grubby

I don't think you're alone in this.  Treatment and the pressure of ttc really screws with our heads.  I love my husband dearly but have found sex difficult - either completely not interested or I have also started crying at the worst possible time... not conducive to a little loving!

My DH has found it frustrating to say the least and we have had lots of tears from both of us (he felt I didn't love him anymore and I felt I was letting him down).  Can you talk to your OH about it?  I found talking about it difficult but am fortunate in having a husband who pushes me to open up, and I am sure that talking things through has saved our relationship.

It is difficult to overcome - I found a few days away or change of routine added to the pressure.  The only thing is to talk it through and just be affectionate with each other and see where this leads.

Good luck

Morag


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## Grubby Grubb (Nov 26, 2010)

Thanks girls - your posts have been really helpful  


Moragob - my dh totally thinks I dont fancy him anymore and only the other night said I must be getting it from somewhere else if its not with him   that really hurt cos I love him, I just dont feel the need for sex so often! We did talk about it a little the next day but he still dosent really understand - he says he adores me so much and cos I turn him on that he wants to be close so much   I hope things right themselves for you and your dh  


Karen - sorry to hear you have started you menapause lovey - we girls do have it rough dont we, periods start much earlier than we need them - I mean 12 or 13 is crazy and then we have all the years of it and then the menapause - oh to be a man huh  


Stubborn - glad you have found that zing again hun   maybe one day once we have finished with the whole ttc malarky mine will come back - who knows


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## karen71 (Oct 19, 2012)

your right there Grubby Grubb, men don't realise how easy they have things.


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

Sorry to jump in on your post but the title made me read..... I thought it was just me feeling like this ....


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## Grubby Grubb (Nov 26, 2010)

elli78 - awww hun, obviously your not alone, and neither am I   Its so tough - for me my dh has a shocking memory, cant remember the simplist of things normally, but he could tell you (probably to the hour) when we last made love   and then will say oh its been 2weeks or how ever long and that puts more pressure on me to perform! I also cant lay there and pretend I am enjoying it - its dosent work for me


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## karen71 (Oct 19, 2012)

I'm the same Grubby Grubb. I feel guilty that he's missing out on sex.. I wonder if we should go to the doctors for help or something.


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## Grubby Grubb (Nov 26, 2010)

Karen - Yes I had actually considered going to my gp, it may be worth a shot! - I have also been having some counselling sessions and my counsellor asks if dh and I are being intimate, he thinks I should be more compulsive and suggests things to spice our sex life up but I am still not interested, its really hard discussing it with my counsellor, however great he is, he is still a man and I really think that they whole sex thing is easier for them! I mean for me - I need the full works to get going, dh - touch him for 5mins and his sorted! sorry if that is tmi   but I really do worry about it affecting our marriage


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

Does anyone just struggle to feel sexy since thdir journey in this crazy infertility world x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

yeah it is very tough i think i'd rather read a book too! i just haven't the energy to initiate things, though i'd be quite happy if he did. 
Hopefully eventually things will get better. i just feel guilty because i am neglecting him.


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## karen71 (Oct 19, 2012)

I'm glad you said that Grubby Grubb, I feel the same. I think your right about men to. I've been going to a counsellor, so I might ask her about it, maybe being a women she might be able to help abit more. If not maybe the doctor might be able to help.Let me know if you go and what they say. I do feel gulity for my dp, but I just can't face it. I know what you mean to about it affecting our relationships.


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