# How to go on with a positive attitude?



## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

I know this sounds really feeble, as there are a lot of people in worse situation than me - but I just wanted to hear from someone with experience.
I've just had my first BFN after what I thought was a successful cycle (or so I thought until AF turned up before OTD). 
History =  We have DD (7 years) concieve naturally and have been TTC for 6 years - with Undiagnosed Secondary Infertility.  Clinic found low AMH and gave me quite a high dose of Gonal-F, with brillaint results - they collect 17 eggs - 13 fertilised and had 9 good ones.  They put 2 in and froze 7.
Now I've got a follow up appointment next week and when I spoke to the Nurse the natural progression seems that we would probably go to FET.  What I'm afraid of is:  if they are using Embryos from that same cycle - what would be different that would make that a positive outcome?  How do I go on and think that this could work when I was so sure that the last one would work and then didn't?


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hi Girlyhalfwit,

Firstly, so sorry about your BFN.  I wrote this a while back and hope it makes sense.

Dee
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Just wanted to put a few thoughts down in words to try to support/encourage anyone else who might have gotten or will get a BFN in the next few weeks.

I think that I am lucky to be blessed with an upbeat, cheerful, optimistic outlook and before I embarked on this IVF journey, I tried to make sure that I understood the actual chances.

The statistics have to be taken notice of and I was aware going into this that 72% of women in my age group (3 are unsuccessful at IVF. 

I decided that I would not allow myself to feel like any kind of failure/disappointment if it did not work for us. The more I thought about 28% success rates, the more I felt that it was a great number, but I have to think that it was always more likely not to work. Would anyone here back a horse that was 72% likely to lose a race? (I know its a rubbish analogy, but it's the best I have today).

I have to now accept that this cycle has not worked, but what are my choices? 

Do I lock myself in a darkened room and let myself cry and howl and feel absolutely depressed and down? 
Do I push my husband away and not allow his sorrow to hep me recover? 
Do I cut myself off from my friends who have children because I can't cope with them? 
Do I allow all my anger and frustration to colour my view of my life and kill all enjoyment or happiness until I have my baby in my arms. 

What will happen if I let that happen?

Will my clinic ring me and say that they've made a mistake and that I am actually pregnant. Of course not and by allowing myself to soak in misery and heartbreak, who will I actually be hurting?

Or course I'm going to allow myself some time to heal, feel a bit stronger and maybe enjoy a beer or two. When I feel stronger, only then will I allow myself back on this crazy journey again.

I'm not saying that I don't care, of course I do, but I have to be realistic about the chances of success and I'm not going to let my life be destroyed by infertility.

Where is it written that we all get what we want in life? Maybe a great husband, a nice home, good friends and a lovely, supportive family is what I get? I have to appreciate what I have and enjoy my life.

If I have a baby some day, it has to be an enhancement to my life and I can't live a half existence waiting for my life to start when I get a baby. 

On a positive note, I now know that I my body responds well to the down regulating drugs, that my DH and I can create 'viable' embryos and most importantly we can get to the stage of transfers. How many unfortunate ladies even here on this site never even get to the transfer stage and face abandoned cycle after abandoned cycle? 

Best of luck to everyone starting the process and to everyone who is waiting to test in the next few weeks

Massive hugs to everyone here, who march towards motherhood, like a silent army. Keep the faith and our time will come.

Ding ding, bring on round 6!!!!!


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## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

Oh bless - very inspiring.  Thank you so much for replying.  
I knew that joining this site would be a positive thing for me and I have been so lucky to meet such fantastic people.

THANK YOU!!! xxxxxxx


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## jack12 (May 14, 2009)

just wanted to say sorry to hear of your BFN. Please dont be disheartened about using from the same batch, each embryo is different. I heard a line in a song recently which said 'the end of one race marks the beginning of another'. We have to keep going, have to keep the faith that it WILL happen. Much love xx


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## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

Thank you!


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## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

I feel rather shabby now; feeling sorry for myself - I've just read your profile signature and I shouldn't be whinging, as lots of people are much worse off than me.  Good luck with your quest to become a Mum


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## yellowhope (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Girly

Sorry to hear about your BFN.   Personally I would love to have had lots of snowbabies on ice from one cycle.  I really don't think you should worry about using another embryo from the same treatment cycle.  All embryos are individual and just because one of the embryos did not progress doesnt mean that the others would be the same.  The very thought of not needing another egg collection would send me whooping around the room in pure delight !!  Even women who get pregnant naturally won't always carry a natural embryo to birth, so don't give up on the Frozen embies. Wishing you the very best of luck in the journey.


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## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

Thanks hun - yes am grateful for the Frostie, as although EC was fine I was still very uncomfortable for a couple of weeks.  So maybe it was too much for my body and Frostie might be my best option.


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I got my BFN and didn't have any to freeze sadly. Sure I read somewhere that FET has even better success rates (not sure who posted it will try to find) so that's good and you have a fair few frozen so thats positive too. Way I look at it is don't think because the first one failed that all the embryos from that batch will go the same way, they are all little individuals after all so each have their own individual chance of success. Anyway good luck


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## Girlyhalfwit (May 13, 2011)

Sorry about your BFN - it's lovely to have people to talk to, who are in the same boat.
Is it perhaps that they take the Frosties on further to Blastocyst, so they have a much better idea of which are more likely to be viable?


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