# First thoughts of egg sharing?



## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Hi, our story in brief.. We had our little girl in 2009 from IVM. We have since had a few unsuccessful IVM rounds. The past couple of IVM cycles my egg quality has not been so good and the stats are generally a lot less with IVM as compared to IVF.
I have PCO hence IVM and when previously had IVF with a previous clinic (bad experience) I got very poorly with OHSS and was in hospital for a week with fluid on lungs so DH and I thought that would be the last attempt of IVF. I can't believe I have been considering it but realise that times have moved on and the clinic we are with now are brill. They have reassured us and we would have short protocol, antagonist trigger, freeze all. Next hurdle is the cost...
We are having some difficulties at the moment getting the funds and to cut a long story short it has been mentioned to me about egg sharing. 
I immediately thought great and helpful for the money side but since DH and I have had lots of thoughts running through our minds and been a bit stressed with not knowing what to do. 
I feel so guilty as we had DS to have our DD and really I feel in a way I shouldn't even be questioning egg sharing as I could possibly help someone out there like we needed and we are so so grateful for.
Has anyone else had these thoughts?
What made you decide?
Need some advice please.
Thank you in advance


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hi ya,

We considered egg sharing to reduce the cost of our IVF cycle but have decided against it. 

As horrible as this sounds I just couldn't bare the thought of it working for someone else but not us. I would see it as another couple out there has my baby and I don't think I could get on with my life feeling like that. 

We also want to keep all my eggs for us to better out chances. 

I know this might come across as really selfish but their my eggs and I'm keeping them! 

All the people that do donate or egg share are fantastic people but I just couldn't do it and I'd rather pay another 3K to have my own IVF cycle. 

xxx


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## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Thank you for your reply Mrs peach.
It has also gone through our minds about what if it works for someone else and not us and if we are mainly considering it for the costs... The costs would be very difficult for us to fund at the mo and we would need to put FT on hold for some time if we don't egg share. These are feelings at the moment as am probably analysing it so much. 
I feel bad though to feel this way esp like I say as we have been on the other side of this.
Glad we are not alone.
Good luck with your treatment.

Has anyone had other thoughts on this and what made you decide to go ahead with egg sharing?

Thank you


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## fluttershy1983 (Aug 7, 2015)

Hi ladies. Hope you don't mind me jumping in here.

Koala boo.
Ive recently been accepted to do egg share. I wasn't planning on egg sharing at all, in fact It was not even on my mind. I wanted another child and I had tunnel vision if you like, that to egg share would not be an option in my mind.

That was until I read hundreds and hundreds of people's stories and their emotional struggles just to conceive. I've conceived naturally in the past but my OH had testicular cancer ( he is all clear now) but now we need ivf and icsi.

I thought about those ladies and thier families so much it started to play on my mind a bit.
The cost isn't an issue for us, so it wasn't money related although the money we are saving is going to come in handy if we fall pregnant.

The way I'm looking at it for my own sanity reasons is this. I lose an egg each month, they are simply going to waste. I've always been the type of person that if someone is in need I will do my best to help them. The lady who receives my eggs will be the eggs mother, I'm simply giving her a helping hand to become a mother. Without sperm it's still just an egg full of cells, it's not a baby I'm giving her, just a bunch of cells that's all. This cells will be inside her, listening to her and her families voices, gaining nutrients from her. She will be the one doing all the hard work like carrying the child, giving birth to the child raising the child. It will be soothed by her voice when it's upset, or hurt. It will smile and laugh at the silly faces she pulls why because that's it's mother. I never knew it in the first place it was just some cells I gave away, so I have no right in thinking that's my child. 

I looked at it from a different point of view to some, if I needed that help I would hope and pray there was someone out there that would help me. We give blood, bone marrow, organs away to people that need it. Giving life to someone that needs it no different in my eyes. 

This is just my opinion though, everyone has their own opinion and its completely up to you and your decision. Maybe if I didn't have children off my own I would think very differently, I don't know. I'm so blessed not to be in that situation. 
In my heart I know I would be upset if it didn't work for me and it did work for the recipient, I think anyone would be. But I wouldn't let that put me off doing it again. I wouldn't have any feelings of anger or hatred towards them. But that's just who I am. I know I'm strong enough to cope with that outcome. I've thought about this for a long time and I've discussed it with my family. They support my decision and that's what makes my decision a little less hard. 

I'm not sure if my post has been any help to you, I just wanted to share my story. I hope you make the right decision for yourself and your family as I know it's not an easy decision to make by any means. Xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I was turned down for egg sharing even though I was only 28  with a great AFC and no fertility issues myself,  (Clinic chose to go by AMH instead despite the fact its well known as unreliable)
I saw it as their loss  and since then decided not to persue egg sharing again

Personally I'm not very positive about egg sharing (where the donor needs fertility tx herself) but that's just a personal opinion and many people, donors and recipitants  have had success with it so I'm sure It does work well
Like u I also need DS to have a child, but no I don't feel guilty about not wishing to donate my eggs in return, 
I see my eggs as precious little resource whereas my male donor likely produces millions of sperm a minute!
I'm surprised your clinic suggested sharing to you if you have had egg quality issues flagged up in your cycles
I would question this with them , as if so u really need those precious eggs for you only
I understand the financial burden , and hope u can find a way toward
Good luck whatever u decide!
K. xx


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## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Hi Fluttershy, 
I was hoping someone else would post here on their view from going ahead with egg sharing and how they made a decision so I am so pleased you have posted. I feel I have been checking here every 5mins. Thank you. 
Really lovely to read how you look at it. Already it has made me see it differently (bought a tear to my eye). You have put it perfectly to explain from another view and I really like the way you are looking at it. We had DS to conceive our DD in 2009 due to MF. I have felt so bad to even question the thought of egg sharing from this. We love our DD so much, she is precious to us and we are so grateful to have her. She is a real daddy's girl too. I will talk to my DH about this later. I was hoping there was another way to look at it and especially from your post this has been a lovely way to put it and I am so grateful you have wrote here. Thank you so much. 
Lots of luck to you with your treatment. Would love to hear how you get on..


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## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Hi K jade, thanks for your post. Sorry to hear you were turned down for egg sharing. That does seem unfair when your AFC great and so young. I can see why you feel this way.
I was 27 when I had my BFP with IVM which at the time my egg quality was really good. With the past couple IVMs they egg quality has not been so good but I am told this is very likely to be from IVM and would very likely be different with IVF. I have had my bloods taken recently and my FSH etc has all come back normal. It probably is worth me asking them about the egg quality again though for egg sharing just to double check. 
Good luck


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## fluttershy1983 (Aug 7, 2015)

koala boo said:


> Hi Fluttershy,
> I was hoping someone else would post here on their view from going ahead with egg sharing and how they made a decision so I am so pleased you have posted. I feel I have been checking here every 5mins. Thank you.
> Really lovely to read how you look at it. Already it has made me see it differently (bought a tear to my eye). You have put it perfectly to explain from another view and I really like the way you are looking at it. We had DS to conceive our DD in 2009 due to MF. I have felt so bad to even question the thought of egg sharing from this. We love our DD so much, she is precious to us and we are so grateful to have her. She is a real daddy's girl too. I will talk to my DH about this later. I was hoping there was another way to look at it and especially from your post this has been a lovely way to put it and I am so grateful you have wrote here. Thank you so much.
> Lots of luck to you with your treatment. Would love to hear how you get on..


You are very welcome.  if I can help you in any way then I will. If you have any questions then feel free to message me or write on here and I will do my best to answer any questions you may have.

Everyone is different, and it's a decision that needs a lot of thought. Talk in detail about exactly how you feel, don't feel bad for any feelings you have either. This is a decision that you need to feel 100% comfortable with. That way you'll know whether this is the right path to embark on. 
I wish you all the good luck in the world for which ever you decide  xx

I will keep you updated on my journey, at the mo I'm just waiting for my consultant to come back off holiday then I can get my dates to start. I'm extremely excited.  the hardest about this journey is the wait, I'm always waiting lol.


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## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Thank you Fluttershy, I was hoping you would say I can message you if I have any more questions   .  I know it takes time and the way I am I seem to always analyse most things and it has been difficult to get anywhere with the decision especially for DH as well. I like your way of thinking though. It's good to hear other opinions.
Yes, I would love to hear how you get on with your journey. I will try and follow if that is ok.   
I know what you mean about waiting - seems to always be the case here too.
Take care and all the best    xxx


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I've been open to egg-sharing from the beginning so my opinions will be quite different. Throughout the process I have never thought of the eggs that I donate as mine and I would not think of any baby born of them as mine either. As someone who needs a sperm donor I think this makes it easier for me to relate, if that makes sense? I don't see my chosen sperm donor as the father of my child, just someone who has provided something essential to allow ME to have MY baby, so it makes it so much easier to distance myself from my eggs. 

To be honest, I think that if I had doubts I would really, really struggle to have gone through with it. I think it needs to be one of those things where you're either 100% for it or not. 

Good luck with whichever path you choose


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## koala boo (Jul 29, 2007)

Hi Pollita, thank you for your post. It's good to read views from both sides of ES and you're right that you need to feel 100% about it. Just been having lots of thoughts and questions about it already and thought one of the best places to come for advice is here which is great. Our clinic has said we will need to see a councillor before the process begins. I guess this is standard.. Not sure we would need it from already having DS etc. 
Not sure what to expect from it like if it will confuse us more to know what path to take. I appreciate your comments and it makes sense.
I see from your signature you must be on the 2WW so would like to wish you lots of good luck    All the best


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## Fay2410 (Jan 20, 2015)

K jade said:


> I was turned down for egg sharing even though I was only 28 with a great AFC and no fertility issues myself, (Clinic chose to go by AMH instead despite the fact its well known as unreliable)
> I saw it as their loss  and since then decided not to persue egg sharing again
> 
> Personally I'm not very positive about egg sharing (where the donor needs fertility tx herself) but that's just a personal opinion and many people, donors and recipitants have had success with it so I'm sure It does work well
> ...


K jade can I just say that just because a donor needs IVF treatment to conceive shouldnt be a cause for concern to the recipient! There are many reasons donors need ivf for example I have lost both tubes through 3 ectopics but this doesn't mean a recipient should be wary because I need ivf. I am a proven donor with a DS. Also there could be issues with the male of the donor hence why they'd need treatment. Another example where a donor would chose to egg share would be because they are from a same sex couple. I have just had a failed egg share cycle and I believe my recipient got a BFP.
My point being I have read quite a few times on here about recipients being concerned why the donor needs tx in the first place but there are many reasons. Also fertility clinics offering egg share programmes carry out thorough screening to ensure the donor is suitable to participate in their programmes.

Xxx


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## bevvy82 (Jan 15, 2015)

[list type=decimal]
[*]Hi all,

I too am all for egg sharing. To me, the eggs that I don't use get absorbed into back into the body and are then gone forever so there is no emotional attachment at that time. I have read so many touching stories on here from women who could never have the chance of having a baby without their being donors out there. It's foen to each individual whether egg sharing is for them but I love the idea of helping someone else to achieve their dream whilst trying to reach your own.

I second what Fay has said about negative opinions on egg sharing due to them needing ivf. I don't hav fertility issues at all. I need ivf as having treatment on my cervix has left bad scarring and I can't conceive naturally because of that.

Xxx[/list]


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## kez26 (Jul 10, 2015)

Hi Ladies 

I agree with both Bevvy and Faye, I am trying to do egg sharing and I am the one with fertility issues. My eggs can't get to my uterus which does not effect the quality of my eggs.

Egg sharing isn't for everyone but I would love to and looking forward to helping a couple who could benefit from my left over eggs. I feel its exactly the same as donating sperm..

Good luck to everyone here  xxx


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