# Hubby having a hard time :o(



## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Having a hard day

We went to a open garden and i sat with all my friends who have children, i ended up holding an 8mth old baby boy and i loved it but it really upset DH, which then turned in a real deep talk when we got home.

Not in the mood to go into detail at the mo but he actualy listen to me and took it in that i really don't want to go though ivf again, i've said it before but not sure what he heard.

He got very upset and cried, bless him, we've had a really good talk and got some things out in the open.
its going to a long journy for DH, i would love to know how your hubbys have dealt with it all

Much love  
Fo


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi

 for you both. I think it is a long journey and some of us come to the decision more easily than others. My DH is now coming round to adoption but is insisting on one last go at IVF first to just be sure it wont work  I will do it because it means a lot to him and he has come along way to be even prepared to think about Adoption which he wasn't before.

It's best to be open and honest with each other and then you can help each other through. Maybe have a look at the reading lists on here and buy him a book to help I got my DH this one and just left it for him to read, I didn't make a fuss or ask him how he'd got on, I just gave it him and then left him with it!

http://www.baaf.org.uk/res/pubs/books/book_appf.shtml

Axxxxxxxxx

/links


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Cheers for that hun,  

ya good to have another go at ivf, i just can't go though it again.
Clomid for 6mths (bad drug   )

I had to down reg for an extra mth with a drug induced AF in the middle as i didn't respond and then after all the injections my left ov didn't do a thing and right only had 2 eggs and they didn't fertilize  

we were gutted, i just can't see that another go will be good for us or my health, i really suffered with all SE and the clinic said they will up the dose next time.  

Am i being mean not wanting to go though that again?

Fo x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

No I sympathise completely I am a poor responder and I also struggle to face the prospect of doing it again but I feel I owe it to Dh.  It will be the last cycle though and then after that it will be adoption for us! 

Axxxxxxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Hey Amanda our hubbys do the same thing mine works for Airbus. 

fo


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Does he?  Mine works for Aerospace building Typhoon (Eurofighter).  What does he do?  Mine's an electrical engineer.

Axxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

cool, goes over my head but he just said, yes he knows about that.

He's a design engineer, designs bits in the wings, he's worked on The big A380 and now on the A400m (new hurcules)

small world, engineer's are a breed of their own  

Fo


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## Mx4321 (May 28, 2008)

Speaking as a hubsand it broke my heart after our first IVF resulted in a miscarriage and the only thing that got me through it was the knowledge that there were other options to become a father.

Although we had a second attempt at IVF I had this feeling that we would end up adopting.

After hearing the words from our "surprises" SW yesterday to say they were happy to proceed with the match, I dont think I could have been any happier even my wife had said she was pregnant.

As i have come to realise being a father is not a biologocial thing it is a lifetime commitment which will be a rollercoast ride but will be deilghtful.


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

thank you so much for your post, just read it to my hubby, 
very wise and lovely words.

So pleased for you about going for a match, you must be so excited  

fo


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

fire opal, you are definitely not being a wimp.. we never actually went on to IVF..we had  4 IUI's and that was enough..but it had taken about 8 years of our life and we'd had enough...
everyone has their own limits.

kj x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Engineers are definately a breed alone! 

Mx4321 - That was a lovely post and one which I have also read to my Husband! 

Axxxxxxxxx


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## Nova (Jul 8, 2007)

Fire Opal - I am also a poor responder and have had 2 goes at IVF and 4 iUIs and never got to the fertilisation stage!!! We were told that I don't respond to the drugs and that my DH was super sperm man!!     So  we were told our only way now was donor. We went on the list and have been waiting, its been hard but it made us talk, really talk about how we felt. I felt i was letting him down that it was my fault. He told me that we were in this together that this was our lives our problem and our decision. He told me he couldn't watch me go through another IVF even with donor to watch me fall down that bloody big deep hole when it doesnt work... I also felt like that. I just didn't want to go through all that hope and disappointment again, to be honest I was not sure I would be able to pick myself up again....  

So after a good long chat we decided we want a family, and that we were being selfish in carrying on with IVF, that there were children out there waiting for us, to be their mummy and daddy.... Its not a decision that everyone takes, but I can't tell you the weight it has lifted off my shoulders knowing that ok we will have a wait, that yes there are hoops to jump through but in the end, we  will be parents. 

So no you are not being selfish, you have to do what is right for both of you. I hope that helps..

Nova XXXXX


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Nova said:


> fall down that bloody big deep hole when it doesnt work... I also felt like that. I just didn't want to go through all that hope and disappointment again, to be honest I was not sure I would be able to pick myself up again....


That sums up how I feel perfectly! 

Axxxx


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

Guys i'm so grateful for your posts.  

I feel i have got to the point of excepting we will not have our own child,
What really helped is i have met a lady how fosters children and the stories she's told me. I really feel i we could give a child a good home, its just time for DH to get his head round it all

Fo


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## Fire Opal (Apr 16, 2008)

the more i think about it the more i want to go for adoption.

A lady i know has 2 foster children, 2 1/2 and 8mths and i've been helping her with them over the past few weeks, taking them to a toddler group and helping feed them etc, is a a heart renching experience but one that i am loving.
these children have no idea what is happening to them and hopefully blissfully unaware of their sad start in life.

Hubby is dealing with it all in his own way, i'm not pushing him to much.

Fo


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