# IP's dumped me at the 11th hour



## Blueberries (Aug 13, 2013)

Hi everyone

Firstly, I'm not looking for any words of comfort because I know time has to heal itself but I do think that it's important to highlight that surrogates can be let down too.

I have just spent the last year with a set of IP's who I really wanted to help from the bottom of my heart.  Long story short, we had an unsuccessful frozen embryo transfer last year.  After this, I was left devastated and I know they were too.  Their treatment of me was nothing short of rude but I put it down to grief and tried to understand how they must be feeling.  They eventually spoke to me and said that they weren't sure if they wanted to move forward with me because if I failed once it could happen again.  They then came back to me a couple of months later to say that they had decided that it was obviously in the lap of the Gods and that I was the surrogate for them.  They did, however, want to do 3 collections back to back and get the eggs tested for chromosome viability.  It meant me waiting but I told them I was happy to do so to give them the baby they wanted.  (To briefly explain my situation, I have a fiancee who is holding out on getting married until I fulfil this desire and 2 children who I struggle to make future holiday plans for because I don't know when I will or won't be pregnant). 

They started collections at the beginning of this year and finally had eggs tested last month.  4 perfect eggs and I was so happy and couldn't wait to try again.  However, communication with them from that point onwards dwindled.  I emailed asking them if we could start to make plans and move things forward.  They emailed me back to say they were sorry but the day before they had chosen another surrogate.  The other surrogate has successfully delivered so they feel she is a better option for them.

I can't put into words how upset I am.  Totally deflated and disillusioned by the whole surrogacy progress.  But in addition to that, I'm very angry.  I have received numerous emails from potential IP's over the month, asking if I'm available.  To each one, I told that I was already committed to another couple and that's exactly how I saw myself.  I changed my eating habits ( costly for me), took vitamins that I didn't like but anything they wanted, I did.  Why is it that they could even consider speaking to another surrogate let alone dropping me like a bad smell?  If they felt that way, they could have said so much earlier and left me free to help another couple.

Right now, I don't know if I even want to continue on this journey.  I started it imagining I could help someone have a precious gift that I am so grateful to have myself.  It's been stressful, emotional, frustrating and has done nothing except shatter my faith in the human race.  So for all the IP's that have a bad tale of a surrogate to tell (and I know there are many) just remember that it's not always plain sailing on the other side.


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## poppins (Oct 20, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear that, thats really awful, and so inconsiderate of them, you have a life too, to offer to be a Surrogate is amazing, to wait for IP's is very loyal, I can understand why you must be devastated. 


I'd never of done that to our Surrogate, I hope if it's something you still wish to do that they haven't put you off. There's so many lovely IP's around.


Best of luck. 
X


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## Mandamae (Oct 17, 2007)

I am so sorry to read this   I can't understand why they did that to you. I have been thinking if my next cycle doesn't work then I may look in to surrogacy which is why I am looking at this board today. My fear of surrogacy is that what happened to you would be the other way round. You are an Angel    for doing what you are doing. Please keep strong. Those IP's are the minority   


Mands


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## kaosfusion (Oct 24, 2011)

I just read this and didn't want to read and run.  I can completely understand why you would be gutted and annoyed but you know what may there is an even better couple just waiting for you.  After all, if they didn't this now imagine how they would have treated you if you had got pregnant.

I sincerely hope, on behalf of all the IPs still waiting for an angel like you to help them that you will not give up. We couldn't do this without you xxxx


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