# A few questions...



## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

has any one been told a lot about a baby or child and then has to go into a matching panel  ,, then to be turned down and why ??
i love to ask but was worried.. if any one can help chip in girls thanksss mo moo near to be a mommy xxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Molly

I've not heard it happen.  Normally it will have been decided before hand and panel is just a formaility.  However any decision would always be done in the best interets of the child.

When do you go to panel?  Good luck

Karen x


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## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

hi karen we have not been told when it will go to matching panel with this baby. but waiting so bad to find out. i do now that the panel is well booked up for the next few months so they will slip it in soon as they can... 
thanks karen any help allways greatfull..


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Molly

Sorry to read that you are worrying about matching panel, it sounds like it is just a formality & everything Karen has said is true.

TRY NOT TO WORRY- EASIER SAID THAN DONE!


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## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

hi supera have you had nice weekend, DH son has gone home now the house is aways quiet,,   .
i have told j . about the adoption and the little 1 . he is really pleased. i will be when its been to matching panel.  its not good waiting , one thing i will have to get use to doing.
he had a lovely b-day we got him a cake and had dinner at my mum and dads. 
i told j about the little 1 when he came ,, i told him to look in the wardrobe and he seen the little oink dress . he said yes a girl and seen a lovely smile on his face . awww i was really please he was.. then he came in to my bedroom with his fav teddy and said the baby can have this. then with his birthday money he wanted to buy the baby something awww i wanted to   how sweet . i had to say no son its you money , lets get you that game you wanted next week when you come here to stay.
I'm trying to chill out a little but , then my hubby says out of the blue  we could do the room soon. and other things so then he gets me talking and thinking yet again.
  men  ...      .
going to go bed now and read my book.. take care if i here anynews i will let you know take care xxx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Aw Molly how sweet is J!!!!!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Molly

You & DH should be so proud of J, that is really sweet of him, I wanted to cry myself when I read your message.  

Love
Andrea
xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Molly

How lovely, kids can say the sweetest things.

Karen x


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## caz nox (Mar 9, 2005)

We have been thinking about this one being our last go at treatment and are adamant that we want a family and if this one fails then we will be looking at adoption in the new year. 

A couple of maybe silly questions... 

1. How much in debt are you "allowed" to be in? 
2. My brother has HIV - would they refuse us? 
3. Are you allowed to change the childs name? 

Sorry if they sound dumb - but better out than in... 

Carrie


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Carrie,
No questions are ever stupid! I don't really know definite answers to your questions but these are my thoughts from our experiences and the reading I have done.
1. Your finances form part of the assessment and we had to demonstrate incomings outgoings and they also looked at savings etc and asked about any debt. I would ahve thought that the main thing would be to show that you are in control of any debt that you have and that you have a plan to repay what you owe. You will also need to consider how you would manage one of you not working for a period of time, as most LA's would expect one of you to be at home full time for at least a year.
2.I can't imagine that your brothers HIV status would make any difference, whilst I fully relise that his is not soemthing that you would wish to consider but many children who need adoptive parents have health issues including HIV and the experience that you will have in supporting your brother will be seen as positive, in any case you should expect to talk about this, but it will probably be seen as a positive.
3. Most children will be expected to keep the name they were given unless they are very young or there is a reason for changing it linked to their continuing safety. Names are so much a part of identity and to change a name you also need to think about the message that this might send to the child in the future, in any case older children probably just wouldn't cope with it. I had big hang ups about whether I would be able to live with the names potential children would have but we love the names our children have and certainly won't be changing their first names. It's not uncommon to change or add second names when children are legally adopted and we may do this. I think that many of us have found that when the right child/ren find you then you tend to like the name too!

All the best with your treatment.
Viva
XXX


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## caz nox (Mar 9, 2005)

Viva, 

Thank you for replying. 

Carrie
XX


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Carrie,
Just to second everything Viva has said really. I too was very worried about the name issue and upset that the names I had always wanted to give my child would no longer be possible (at the time it felt like just another thing we were missing out on). Like Viva we were lucky and I love my daughters name, it is just her. It must be hard though if you really dislike a name but you could use pet names within the family I guess.
JD x


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## caz nox (Mar 9, 2005)

Thanks again... 

Its all a new journey and I am getting quite excited thinking about it. 

Carrie


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## sjm78 (May 22, 2007)

Hi Everyone
A bit of a rant a few questions and some advice please.
We have been linked to a sibling group who we first learnt about in may. We have met the sw and they like us. Have spoken to my sw today who has recieved an email suggesting dates to meet the fcs(2 different sets)which is a plus but then says they are aiming for panel in oct with intros at end of oct.This seems such a long time off i feel frustrated.Also my sw says i should hand in my notice at work before panel so we can start intros asap . What if panel say no then i am left heart broken about the children and jobless any advice welcome. What have you done about panel and leaving work.Am also feeling sad as it would mean missing birthdays as 3 of the children have birthdays oct/nov.We are being visited by sws and 2 fcs in 3 weeks anyone experienced this any advice.
Any advice and words of wisdom more than welcome my haed is whirling.
Sarah


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hiya

Firstly the sw should not expect you to hand in your notice at work before panel! Do you qualify for adoption leave? Most employers require the matching certificate to be given to them within 7 days after matching panel with a date of when you wish to start adoption leave.

I know it sounds like a big wait for panel but sometimes final papers etc have to be completed, we are in process of adopting our current foster child and our paper work is ready but we cant get panel date until October either
Did the sw tell you why there was such a delay?

I would just give sw a call and ask the reasons behind what she has said to you



x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi W2

Firstly massive hugs hun

I know how hard it is to miss your little ones birthdays as we missed DD's and we were gutted HOWEVER its wouldnt have been a good day for her or us if we had been doing intros or she had just moved in as it would mean next year she "may" be thinking that aq birthday means a move- we asked that we help off intros for a few days longer then orig planned (intros could have started 18days after her birthday however we held it off for an extra 10days to give a good gap between birthday and intros.

I told my employer about the match before panel (well had no choice i got the "call" while at work and i was crying and telling the world!)i told them when panel was, when intro's would start and when i wanted to go on leave, i went on hols for the 8days before intros started however my adoption leave (the paid bit) didnt start till moving in day (as my employers payroll dept dont have a clue to be kind how to do SAP and they said i couldnt start it until the day of moving in- didnt bother me as i had holidays to use! and to be honest i didnt have the time to argue with them) DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB! i would advise your line manager of the news however thats it!

massive hugs hun

xxx


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## sjm78 (May 22, 2007)

Thanks for the replies girls.
Think i will discuss it with the childrens sw when they come over in a few weeks. Think i will be cleaning for next 3 weeks in panic at having sws and fcs all at my house.
MJ thanks for the hug cant mention it at work i am a nanny and my boss would just start worrying about her childcare and dont want to be replaced before i am ready to go. The job makes the situation hard as dont want to leave them with no one but its time to think of me and my family its taken so long to get to this point .
Sarah


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

As we may be starting on the adoption rollercoaster soon, just wanted to ask a few questions:

We have pets, quite a few of them, but mainly small ones. We have 2 house rabbits, 2 chinchillas and 5 rats. It doesn't take up masses of space, just an otherwised unused area of the living room, do you think SS would see this as a major problem? Obviously we then wouldn't be suitable for children with allergies to them, but they would probably know that about the kids by that point?

I know there are two online pages that have profiles of children waiting that you can pay to sbscribe to (be my parent and children who wait), are the same profiles put on each, and do many people actually approach their SWers about children they see on there

We are hoping to be able to adopt a same sex sibling group (2) . We live in a 2 bedroom flat, I figure if they are siblings, and they are the same sex this should be ok, but not sure if SS will see it that way. Hubby has already said we can always move into the smaller bedroom, and they can have the larger one which is currently ours

Think thats it for now. We are going to an info meeting 4th Feb (initial ivf appt 3rd feb) and then we can make a decision whether we want to proceed now or not.


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya

didnt want to read and run but not sure if i have much advice to give   sorry but for what its worth - 

pets - cant really advice on that as we didnt have any?  hopefully someone will come along and advise u on that.

online profiles - again, we never joined the websites.  i may be wrong in saying this (sorry if i am) but i think these websites may be for harder to place children? i know our LA, once we were approved, asked us to bear with them and that theould be able to place a child/ren with us (which they did).

same sex siblings - i know that if we had specified for same sex then it would limited our options (so to speak). i know that when we were matched with our girls that they shared a bedroom in their fc'ers so it was ok for them to share at ours. we do have a 3rd bedroom so we would have worked it out if it had been a problem.  

i hope this makes sense?  as i say, prob not much help but didnt want to read and run. x x x x x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

I have 2 cats and one completely mad puppy  SS have no issue with pets who are cared for properly so shouldnt he a problem for you.  

The children you see in the profiles as camly says are often the children that they are finding it hard toplaceforone reason or another. That is something to discuss with your sw

It would also all depend on your local authority policy about them sharing a bedroom. Our LA will allow foster carers of same sex to share a room although they dont really like it but for adoption each child needs their own room

Goodluck with your journey

x


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Thankyou, 

willl have to talk to SW on our initial visit about the bedroom thing as that will limit us to 1 if thats the case. Not too bothered, but would have preferred 2 (we have 7 years left on our fixed rate mortgage so moving is out of the question) 

We are not sure yet whether this is a journey we will be starting on now, gotto wait a few weeks yet. I am all for it, but hubby is more new to the whole idea so he needs to see if it is what he defintely wants to do, because as you know, you have to be 100% comitted to the process


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## Losing my grip (Dec 17, 2006)

Help!

I am currently part way through my adoption leave from work following the placement of my darling son in August.    

Junior (DS's younger sibling) is now on the scene and we are considering taking on the little one which would probably be around February time.

As I would then have 2 children under the age of 2 (eeek!)  , it will not be possible for me to return to work and I will consequently have to hand my notice in whilst still on adoption leave. I was taking a full year off to return in July.

My question is would I be entitled to any adoption pay from the government or is it tough chips and end up losing the end of my entitlement?

After working for 24years is all i am entitled to £30 A week for 2years? 

Would appreciate any advice on this as I can't seem to get any answers from Acas/Job Centre/Social Services etc etc.

Cheers LMG x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hello, I can hopefully answer you questions - I very nearly found myself in the same situation, however Dino ended up being placed with us on a fostering basis so it never quite happened.

Anyway....... the good news is you will be entitled to adoption pay for your second child also -even if you do not return to work.  The bad news is that you may not be entitled to whatever enhanced pay scheme your employer may offer - but you will be entitled to the £123 or so a week Statutory Adoption Pay. 

]I'm not sure what the £30 a week for 2 years thing is -is that something specific to your employer?

We have a Work Issues board - you can request access to it via the service desk and they will clarify things for you further.  

My 2 were placed exactly a year apart to the day. It's been hard going, but definitely worth it. 

Bx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

P.S, I'm going to move your post over to the main board- it's the best place to get questions answered.


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