# Help! Can't decide what to do. Single and 48



## Natty09 (Oct 25, 2021)

Hi, I'm 48 and single. 
My partner died 2 and half years ago. I was thinking at 45 it would be my last chance and I would need to decide whether to become a mother or not, but then my partner became ill. 
Since he died I have been waking up in a panic about whether to go it alone and use donor sperm or co-parent or just try to forget about it all. I think I am scared that I won't cope alone and will never be able to meet friends again, etc and I can’t seem to get my head around using a sperm donor. It's on my mind all the time - maybe this means that I do 100% want a child or did I just want my partner's child? If he was still here I would definitely have a child with him. 

I had fertility tests in December and all looking good for my age. 7 months on I still can't decide what to do. I'm so anxious as time is running out. Any help or advice on how you decided to become a single mum would be great. I'm so confused!
Thanks for your help.


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## PDream1980 (Oct 21, 2021)

Hi natty . Im So sorry the heartache you’ve had . 

The ivf journey is not an easy one . I’m embarking on it now . Had one cycle. 

I don’t know what clinic you are using but it is very low odds of being able to use your own eggs unless of course you had them frozen when you were younger . If not I would say it’s highly likely if you want to carry your own baby that it would be double donor or embryo donor . 

Of course there are success stories in later forties but they really are the exception . If you would be using a donor egg then it can buy you a little time to meet a new partner so that you are not going at it alone and use his sperm . However many women nowadays do go it alone if they have support or can afford to pay for support . 

I whole heartedly support older women having children and I would love to hear what you decide to do . 

Out of interest what was your test results , did they do a follicle count and amh ? I’m 43 so it would be good to compare


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## Positive20 (Feb 1, 2020)

Hi Natty. 

I think you need to weigh up whether if you don’t have a child this will affect your overall happiness for the rest of your life. You obviously are struggling with the decision because there is something pulling you towards wanting a child. Do you have a supportive family/friends who could help you with child care or making this decision? 

You have to do what is right for you at the end of the day and what you feel will give you the best happiness in life.

Good luck with your decision xx


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

Hi Natty. 
So sorry for the heartache that you had. I would like to send you a big hug.
I understand you are in a difficult position. When I went through difficult times in the past I decided to seek help from a therapist. I can’t recommend this enough. If you find the right one, she/he can help you make a decision. 
message me if you want to recommend you my therapist.
Wish I could support more. Please ensure you surround yourself with friends and family, people that love you. Don’t suffer alone. xxx


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Hi Natty, 
So sorry to hear of your loss. 
you could look at some of the gateway women videos and resources online. There are some stories of women who are childless not by choice who come to it from all sorts of different reasons. It might just give you a glimpse of the other side, and possibly help you make a more balanced decision. 
I agree with what others have said too…thinking about opening up to the possibility of donor egg could help as it will give you more chance of positive outcomes for a family.
X


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## Natty09 (Oct 25, 2021)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words of support.
I really regret not freezing my eggs when I turned 40 or freezing my partner's sperm when he was diagnosed with leukaemia. I guess I now need to try to look forward, but it's so hard not to look back and regret things.
I've tried to speak to my mother about my indecision and she can't understand why I don't know exactly what I want to do, it just all ends up very negative.

I think seeing a therapist is a good idea, I did go for some counselling after my bereavement, but nothing linked to fertility or motherhood.
Efi, if you could message me details of your therapist that would be great, thanks.

Pattycake, I'll definitely check out the gateway women's video, thank you for suggesting them.

Thank you also Positive20 and PDreams for your support and advice, it's very much appreciated.

My AFC is 5 and my AMH is 4.5.

I wish you all the very best with your journeys.
Take care, Natty xx


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## 186276 (7 mo ago)

Natty09 said:


> Hi, I'm 48 and single.
> My partner died 2 and half years ago. I was thinking at 45 it would be my last chance and I would need to decide whether to become a mother or not, but then my partner became ill.
> Since he died I have been waking up in a panic about whether to go it alone and use donor sperm or co-parent or just try to forget about it all. I think I am scared that I won't cope alone and will never be able to meet friends again, etc and I can’t seem to get my head around using a sperm donor. It's on my mind all the time - maybe this means that I do 100% want a child or did I just want my partner's child? If he was still here I would definitely have a child with him.
> 
> ...


Hey, drop me a PM as I may have some useful advice.


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