# Third time unlucky....is there any point...?



## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

.....in continuing the same old routine again?

Our problem is MF.  My husband had a vasectomy in 1997 (he has no children   ), he then had a reversal in 2010 which was unsuccesful.  TESE was also performed and we got 9 straws of sperm frozen.

We have always got good fertilisation.  The last cycle we made it to blastocyst with two embryos and this cycle we managed to get 13 fertilised embryos from 17 injected eggs, by day 3 we had all 13 still dividing but 8 of them were 'perfect', by day 5, we had ONE early blastocyst transferred.

This is now our third BFN.  Never even seen so much of a hint of a BFP.

We have chatted about it and both believe that the sperm is probably not continuing to do its thing and probably never will we assume.  It seems pointless for us to keep going, keep throwing £5K a time at it, keep putting ourselves through the emotional turmoil of it all for nothing.

I can't imagine never being a mummy and even though my husband has mentioned donor sperm, I can't imagine never making him a daddy from his own DNA, he is an amazing person and deserves this so much, I'm so sad  


I was wondering if anyone else is in a similar position and has got pregnant from a similar situation? Do u think we are wasting our time carrying on with my eggs and my husbands sperm together?  I have always been told my eggs are very good quality which is why we know sperm is the problem!

My husband is 44, I'm 27.  We're so desperate to be parents


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## vixter_1 (May 30, 2011)

Hey, 

Couldnt read and run.  We dont have MF problems (problems are all mine as I have PCOS).  We got our first ever BFP on our 4th transfer (which was 5th cycle as one cycle didnt get as far as transfer).  I know its hard but one cycle doesn't relate to the next - its hard to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results, but it can (and does) happen.  The sucess for me came in change my meds, is that a possibility for you?

Sorry to hear about your BFN - there is no pain like it.  Take care of each other.

X


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## Sparkly_Shoes (Jan 5, 2012)

Hello there

Each person, each couple, each story is unique I feel and therefore the decision also has to be unique... 

For us the fault is all mine (blocked tubes, OHSS, and since starting treament 10 BFNS - clomid, IUI and now first IVF has failed too), I know the guilt that comes with BFNS, as there is nothing wrong with DH I keep feeling that if he was married to someone else he'd be worrying about nursery fees and good schools right now instead of discussing fertility with doctors since last 5 years.... 

All I can say is you must not loose faith, if you two love each other and are happy with each other then a solution will work out - there are no right answers unfortunately, if he is happy to be a father without the kids being "biologically" his and if you feel he will still be the same dad to them as he would to his bio kids, then your options open up slightly more....

Good luck in working it all out, its so tough and yet you dont know how long to keep treading on this road... 

All the very best to you and your other half,


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

Thank you so much for your replies  

They are most definitely helpful when feeling like this!

It's had more time to sink in now and I feel like iv accepted it even though it's likely to hit me again at some point.  I think there are a lot of options for us to discuss.  DH is desperate to adopt, I'm desperate to carry my own baby but think the idea of adoption is amazing and we would love to give a child a chance of such a loving home.

I do think that everything is too raw right now to make any decisions, I dont want to rush into the wrong thing.  My husband (and I'm not bragging hahaha) is an amazing man, he really is, he would undoubtedly love and adore a baby that I have carried even if it weren't biologically his, it's me that feels horrendously sad that he may never be able t carry his genes on although he would nurture the baby to be just like him im sure!

I really appreciate your replies.  Good luck to both of you in your futures x


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## rory2011 (May 31, 2011)

Hi Lisa

I had my 3rd bfn in jan this year. We have unexplained and felt the same as you...do we carry on or is there something else going on. At our review we asked aout further testing as we got to blast in 2 of our cycles and they weren't that keen on doing very much but We went and had a chat with a different clinic and they have said about doing a variety of changes to our protocol to try to see if that helps. I a, a
So hoping to have my level 1 tests done as well just to make sure that there is nothing else going on.

Do you have a review appt coming up? It's worth asking them why they feel it has failed seeing that thou did well on fertilisation and getting to blast- out of interest how many got to blasts? 

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I just feel as though I am not ready to give up onmy body yet..


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

Hi Rory  

Sorry to hear of your BFNs too, really sucks eh   I hope you manage to get your dream after making some changes!

I haven't even told my clinic that my cycle has failed yet, will do that next week.  They will just say keep going with the pessaries until OTD despite the fact that the exact same thing happened now in all three cycles and continuing with the pessaries is pointless because my result never changes after I have my bleed!

So we think sperm is a problem, we get good fertilisation and by day 3, we had 13 embryos developing, 8 of which they said looked very very good, by day 5, we had ONE early blastocyst and all of the others had either slowed down or stopped!  By day 6, one of the other embryos made it to blast but was poor quality!

We have 4 straws of sperm left, I'm tempted to tell them to thaw the lot for the last cycle and use the best across all four, if they don't get us a baby then it would have been pointless using them one at a time for more and more cycles anyway!  Maybe we will move to a clinic that does IMSI though!

Good luck with getting your tests done and thank you for replying x


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## Vicki 5 (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi Lisa x, im sooooo pleased ive found you, i just had to reply to your post, Im in exactly the same position as you! Ok where do I start?..... The issue is with my hubby too, although slightly different, my hubby had a bilateral hernia groin repair as a baby, which has bascicaly given him an vasectomy, irreversable, he has some swimmers, but very very very low sperm count and needing a TESA on every IVF cycle. So far my eggs have always been good quality too and getting to fertilisation at every point, 1 embryo 1st cycle, 2 embyos 2nd cycle and just like you have just gone through a third time unlucky...... in fact only today was our OTD and was another BFN!!!   I feel exactly the same as you! There is nothing more than what i want is for my hubby to have his own, he too is amazing and really want to pursue this for him! BUT like you say, there comes to a point when you keep spending 5k when ur unsure if the quality of the sperm will EVER go on to produce a baby. 
Can I ask if you have had further investigations into the quality of the sperm?? and if ok to ask which clinic you are using? the only reason is, that we have discussed changing clinics from Exeter to Bristol, as success rates are so much higher. Also, i want to investigate my hubbys issue further, which could be a way forward for you too? currently we have been seeing gynacoligist in the clinic who have very little knowledge on male fertlity issues, so want to see a male fertlity specialist, which could also be an option for you, at least that way once all avenues have been investigated with our hubbys and any problems found, we can put our minds at rest we have tried all ways and not live with ne guilt if we have to try a doner! 
We have discussed doner and happy to pursue this if absoulutly nessary, although, because hubby still has some sperm, i could not live with myself knowing what if? 
Before we go putting any more money through IVF, we need more answers! I dont want to get to the point where we have spent 25k or so with no baby and then find that there was a problem afterall either quality or genetics issues! 
My biggest thing from this, is NEVER give up hun, there are always options for you to become a mother and I think at this stage you may regret it later on! when you have been knocked down so many times like we have so far and others too after soooo many disapointments, its hard to not think, is there ne point> BUT there is... we have to keep going with that ultimate goal in mind.......A BABY....... try and stay a little positive..... the way I feel right now, theres a massive hole in my life that needs filling.....and will go to ne lengh to fill the gap with a baby, keep pursuing your dream........ 
Sorry about the essay!!!!!! Hope it all makes some sense....   

Love Vix x


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

Hi Vix, thank you for your message  

Sorry to hear you are going through the same, we've never had any extra tests done on the sperm, basically, we went for a reversal and it was unsuccessful, they did pesa at the time and there were no sperm present, then they did the TESE and found sperm and froze 8 straws.

When we have a cycle, they thaw one straw and will just use whatever is in there to inject.  I think I would like them to thaw all 4 next time and pick the best from the bunch because it seems pointless doing it one at a time for another 4 cycles when we might as well thaw them all and get what we can.  My main concern is the clinic, that they don't do IMSI and will they select the best of what's there or just see movement and think that will do if you know what I mean!

We are using MFS which is in Manchester.  Hadnt really thought of seeing a male fertility expert, maybe that's something we could look into!

I wish you every success and you can pm me too if you would like to keep in touch, hopefully we will get our dream someday, I'm so sorry to hear of your BFN and failed cycles, it's so hard and cruel.

Lisa x


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## Vicki 5 (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi Lisax,
That message must taken you ages to read, lol. sorry I can go on abit sometimes hehe. Many thanks for the reply, yes I agree with the sperm selection, thats what they told us, we are looking for moving sperm and thats what they use, the best of the bunch!! so there is a grey area whether the sperm is of any good quality. I think further investigations could be the way forward. 

Its really crap, some of us have to struggle to have a baby and go through all the stress, frustration, anxiety, worry, tears, disapointment. Tho, this site is just great to meet people in same position of who we can talk too and truely understand what each other are going through. Yes it would be good to stay in contact and keep up to date with each others progress. 
Can I ask, the IMSI is new to me, what would be involved for that? im sorry to hear of all ur unsuccess so far too, when it hits 3rd attempt...it knocks you down that little bit further  
I wish you every success too, we will get our dream one day....we must keep going hun. It will happen.....

Vix x


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## Lisa x (Feb 14, 2011)

Vicki, I have PMd you x


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

why not 'meet' and join in the chatter on the multiple BFN thread  
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=278544.210


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