# I'm freaking out :(



## little-cat (Aug 12, 2014)

Good evening everyone,

I've been away from this site for a bit, and during that time, I've had full fertility checks as a private patient at a hospital in my nearest city. Everything came back fine; tubes clear and good ovarian reserve, no STDs etc. I've had the mandatory donor recipient counselling & I hope to begin IUI treatment next cycle. I'm 29.

BUT, I've had a panic about the cost. At £1,200 per cycle I'm not in a position to pay for more than, say, 2-3 cycles at this point. So I started to look into sperm donors online after hearing the woman from Pride Angel speaking on Woman's Hour a few weeks ago.
I found a donor- one of thosse "super donors" who spends half his life inseminating women- he agreed to donate when I got a positive OPK.

I typically have quite long cycles, which can be as much as 36 days. On those cycles I ovulate around day 17-20; today is my day 16. I had to attend a family event over the weekend & was sneaking up to the bathroom to test all day. I peed on a stick around 2pm yesterday & hid it in its wrapper in my bag as we were having a meal & I couldn't wait 10 minutes- when I looked at it, the OPK appeared positive, but all my OPKs up until then were negative. I repeated the test immediately, but it was negative again. I thought as about 45 min had passed, the positive OPK was a fluke (the test line was only dark in the bottom part of the line, if that makes sense).

I know my body quite well & feel today that ovulation is close/possibly already happening. OPKs all negative. My donor says he thinks I've missed my window this month. I hate myself for missing the chance if I have- how could I be so stupid? I know I might be over-reacting, but I've felt in such a poor frame of mind today, & lost sleep over it last night. Like so many of you, I long to be a mum, & now I have a chance I'm just messing it up. But how could I only get one positive OPK then test negative again only 45 min later? Like the line was barely there at all!

Any words of support much appreciated. 
Any words of advice?


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hiya as you have long cycles it's unlikely you will hit your peak until day 20-22 with a 36 day cycle, what I would do if I were you is invest in clearblue digital ovulation sticks as those lines are too difficult to read, do the test every 12 hours and you'll def detect your surge if you ovulate properly, look out for cervical mucous too as that is very slippery at o time! good luck


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

I'm also 29 and had two cycles of DIUI last year which failed and I can no  longer afford to  try again so am now looking at home insemination using sperm from cryos in Denmark.  Using a known donor is an option and a super donor did offer but the idea of my child possibly falling in love with a half sibling freaks me out.

Good luck with it all x


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## little-cat (Aug 12, 2014)

Thanks for the support, ladies  

Pollita- Good luck to you with everything! You're quite right, I've probably not been waiting long enough before testing using the OPKs- and I drink a LOT of (herbal) tea in the day, which means my urine is always very dilute. I definitely need to re-think my strategy next cycle. As it is, I had a lot of twinges in my side last night (I usually get mittelschmerz, often stronger than that, but I think that was it this month), and this morning I had loads of egg white mucous, so I text my donor & told him the situation, & he agreed to meet me this afternoon. I went into work as usual & left early pleading an upset stomach, met the donor (who was as old as the hills! Not that it matters- in fact I heard him on the radio when they were interviewing super donors, & the interviewer said he appeared to be in his 60s, not 52, as he states online- and he's married, apparently his wife doesn't know anything about his activities).

So he left,  I waited for the sperm to liquefy for 10 min with the pot under my armpit, then did the insemination with a 10ml syringe he gave me, lay down with my hips elevated for an hour (& had an orgasm! ha)...and that's it. I may have missed my window, but I've done what I can, so I guess I'm officially on the 2WW. 

Blondie71- thanks for the advice, I find the OPKs very hard to interpret, so I will look into the smiley ones!

jefnerf- I am very tempted by the idea of the sperm from Denmark. I will be following you closely to see how you get on. I'm sorry the IUI didn't work yet for you, but good luck, I hope you'll get there very soon.

Thanks again ladies, wish me luck


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

Eeek! Fingers crossed for you, try not to go too mad on the 2WW!


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## little-cat (Aug 12, 2014)

Unexpected turn of events: cramping last night, then bleeding, just 5 days after ovulation. Turned into a full-on period today. I have literally no idea what's happening. I spoke to the fertility nurse today (I just happened, by coincidence, to have an appointment booked) & she thinks it's a burst corpus luteum cyst or something. I don't know. Anyway, after my NEXT period, I'll begin clomid in preparation for IUI. Lord! I wasn't expecting this. Still, it's a week or more saved of "am I? Aren't I?" I suppose.


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