# New to this - 49 and just starting out



## msusanm (Apr 20, 2018)

Hello, I'm new to this, and this is my first post. I've been reading many of the threads here over the last month. I've just turned 49 and am looking in to double donation (this would be my first child). 

I've seen my Doctor and have been referred to the fertility clinic at the hospital here – where they let me know that my chances with my own eggs at 49 via IVF would be highly unlikely to result in a live birth. I've gathered this already from my research and from looking at the forums etc. but it was still very hard to have it confirmed to me face to face. I can't receive treatment here as the cut off at the hospital (Northern Ireland) is 50 and they have said it might take them about a year to find and matching a donor for me. There is another fertility clinic here but their cut off is 44. I've been looking at clinics in Europe and UK. I believe I've already hit the age limit for the Czech Republic. I've spoken with some clinics in the UK that go up to 54.

I guess I'd be recorded as a medical miracle if it happened with my own eggs. So I'm trying to come to terms with this, and I have a first session this week with fertility counselors. In the meantime I'm continuing to do my research in to viable clinics in terms of my age, cost, donor matching etc. I'm fair skinned and with red hair, so I'm thinking also of that in the mix with possible matching, but maybe it's not so important in the bigger picture.

I'd appreciate any advice or recommendations from anyone else in a similar position, particularly of a similar age.


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

@msusanm - I can't really help with dr experiences, just wanted to wish a good luck. You might also find useful info on egg donation (clinics, age limit, etc) here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=551.0 xx


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## Abacanto21 (May 13, 2018)

Hello, I was the same as you when I was told by an NHS fertility doctor that the chances, at my age using my own eggs were very slim, I have just turned 44. It took me a while to get my head around this and lots of tears were shed. my husband and I eventually decided  to go down the donor egg route with a fantastic clinic in Poland. My first transfer unfortunately didn't take but we have 5 more super embryos waiting for us and we have another transfer planned for next month. What I'm saying is, there are always options please don't give up hope. If you want to know anymore, not saying I'm an expert or anything! Then please msg me, I know what a lonely road this can be! All the very best.


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## Flipper40 (Apr 21, 2018)

Hi, welcome you are in the right place!

I had exactly the same situation. Just turned 44 and was told there was no way I could use my own eggs. I was totally devastated! I am fit and healthy, don't drink never smoked and did not see that coming. Donor eggs are my only option to have a baby and after lots of tears I am now about to start my first cycle and am so excited about the future.
I am using a clinic in Spain and they did all the tests and found me my donors in 4 weeks so you really don't have to wait long if you go abroad. It is a very lonely process but you will get so much support on here and also from friends and family.
Good luck and please feel free to message if you have any questions.

Xxx


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## Clarabelle71 (Jan 14, 2016)

Northern Cyprus goes to age 55 so you still have time for there. Iam 47 and did a cycle at 46 with Team Miracle cyprus ivf centre, and currently pregnant. They only do fresh DD cycles though so its more costly than frozen. Dogus iam told do frozen , so that could be an option as well. Alot of donors are scandinavian so you may find a red haired donor. Best of luck. X


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## Abacanto21 (May 13, 2018)

Flipper40, your situation sounds just like mine, was devastated when I first found out but now have a lot of hope for  the future. All the very best for your journey! X


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## msusanm (Apr 20, 2018)

Thank you everyone, it's so kind of you all to reply, I didn't expect to get so many responses already. It's such an emotional roller coaster, so I understand the value of your support and forums like this are really helpful. While I've been reading through various threads I've already seen how people become familiar with one another and follow each other's journey – that's really nice.

miamiamo
Thank you for the link to the list of clinics, it's already been very useful. I've sent messages to Serum and Dogus today.

Abacanto21
Your note really touched me. Good luck with the transfer next month x

Flipper40
It's such a shock to your whole body isn't it when you get the news about age and how this affects egg condition. It's devastating. I'm glad to have a first counseling session later this week, as I just need to pour everything out to someone who understands it. I'd be interested to hear more about which clinic you are working with in Spain. Thank you for your warmth.

Clarabelle71
Yes, I discovered earlier today that North Cyprus goes to 55. That's encouraging, as they must have a lot of experience with us 'older cases'. That's such exciting news about your pregnancy. And interesting to hear that they just do fresh DD at Team Miracle. I'm not sure what all the implications are between fresh and frozen etc. Presumably they still have the time frame to do all the screening tests with donors that they use for fresh cycles? Very interesting too about the Scandinavian connection.

Lots of food for thought, and for further research. 

Thank you all, I appreciate it very much x


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

susan - I know how devastating it must be to hear that your only option is DE, but I wanted to say there is light at the end of the tunnel! You can find a clinic to treat you, in the UK if you want to do that. It is hard to accept that it's unlikely that you'll get a healthy baby from OE at 49, but there are options.
I was 45 when I started treatment on my own, as I hadn't met a partner, so I went straight to donor eggs, as financially I couldn't afford to keep trying OE with a chance of a poor outcome. I did wish I had been able to do OE, but I'm a pragmatist and was optimistic about using DE. I went to LWC Darlington and had BFNs. I then changed to CARE Sheffield and was lucky. I was 47 when my son was born, he's nearly 4 now. Can't believe it. I had 3 blastocysts frozen, so had FET and was 49 when my daughter was born. She's 19 months old. I'm currently planning a further cycle with my two frosties and I'm 51. CARE will treat you up to 53. I believe LWC will treat up to 55. 
I only had to wait 6 weeks for an egg donor but that was a few years ago.
Good luck with your choice


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

Hi susana, I can also recommend Newlife Clinic in Thessaloniki Greece, I have twins from a double donation cycle there. Their cut-off age is 50 - I was 49 when I had my transfer and 50 when I gave birth. They are a great clinic.

Good luck! xx


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## nevertoolate (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi
I wish you all the best with your journey. I felt so upset when I heard I could not go down the oe route but that was then and I now have my beautiful son and the love between us is no different if I had used my own egg. I never thought I would say that but the wonderful ladies on here helped me to see maybe it’s not what you imagined for your life but maybe something else extremely special and unique instead x sending hugs


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## Katlady (Aug 8, 2018)

Hi Ladies,

I am also 49 and just starting to consider IVF. I am single and I thought I had missed the boat. My periods stopped 2 years ago and I thought that was that.  I had always thought that whilst I was still menstruating there was hope if I found the right man, but I never did and then my periods stopped. I always found it difficult watching umpteen friends and colleagues having babies but as I say I just kept thinking, well maybe it will happen for me, until the menopause hit. A bit unrealistic now I think about it! Since then I have found it even harder seeing pregnant women and if I have to watch one more colleague going on mat leave I don’t think I can stand it. I work in a female dominated profession and I work with children, so as you can imagine, I have had my fill. 

Anyway, recently I started taking HRT due to a few menopausal symptoms and then I had a couple of periods (although not the same intensity as they used to be). Because this was not supposed to happen on the type of HRT I was taking, my GP sent me for a scan, and the gynaecologist who performed it confirmed that I have just ovulated and will have another period soon - she thinks it may not be related to the HRT, but just my body having a few ‘one offs’, which she said can happen in menopause. She then said I could still theoretically become pregnant - I didn’t ask her, she just said it. And it really shocked me. In a good way. It got me thinking, maybe I haven’t missed the boat after all. Then I went home and started googling. Which is how I found all of you and I have been avidly reading your stories since. 

So, here I am, 2 months short of my 50th birthday and just beginning to consider IVF. I do not have oodles of cash so if I go ahead I will need to do whatever is most affordable. Given my age and lack of available sperm (!) I believe I will need to do DD and from a financial point of view a  FET - am I right? I am really new to ALL of this and just learning the lingo! 

I would be so grateful to hear from anyone else in my position or who has been through it and especially grateful for recommendations of which procedures and clinics. I believe North Cyprus may be my best option? Although there may be some UK clinics who would treat me, but that may be more expensive? 

I have a lot of research to do and I can see there is a lot of good info on here, but it would be good to make links with others. I’d also be interested to meet up with anyone who is in or has been in a similar position and who would like to meet up if they are in or visiting London, which is where I live and work. 

I am actually planning to go to North Cyprus in October, for my 50th - a coincidence, as I had planned that before I knew about any of this. But I wonder if I would be ready to start something then - probably not, as it looks as though I will need a few weeks of meds beforehand. But maybe I could visit some of the clinics to decide which one I like. 

I’m keen to know how you got on msusanm? Although this thread is a bit out of date now and I’m not sure you’ll see this. Would love to hear from you if you do. 

Thanks for reading everyone.


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## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

Hi Katlady

I just wanted to let you know that there are plenty of people in your shoes. A friend of mine had her twins at 50 and she loves them loads.  They are 12 now, so if that was possible a while ago, it's definitely possible now!  You must be excited that there are options for you.

I've been using my own eggs until now, so I can't recommend a donor clinic, but I'm sure lots of other people will.  Unfortunately it looks like my eggs won't work as I'm 45. As I can't come to terms with the idea of a donor, I think it's the end of the road for me. I do believe that going abroad is cheaper, and that, depending on the country, waiting lists for donors are shorter.  It's not necessarily a certainty that the lists will be shorter, though, and I do think that's an important consideration, otherwise you may have to wait many months.  It's also worth thinking about what criteria are important to you in your donor; some clinics just give you very basic info about your donor (height, weight, hair and eye colour and level of education), and some give you more.

I'm based in London, so if you ever want to have a chat I'd be happy to do that.  I was terrified of IVF for years, and wouldn't even consider doing it, but in the end we had no choice, and it's not as bad as you sometimes hear.

Take very good care of yourself, and feel free to message me if I can help.

xx


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## Katlady (Aug 8, 2018)

Hi Mochashosh,

Thanks so much for your reply and I’m sorry to hear that things haven’t worked out as you’d hoped.  Would another avenue be open for you, like adoption?  I’m also considering that - though everything is still at the theoretical stage for me.

Yes, there certainly is a lot to think about in terms of donor eggs/sperm isn’t there - mind boggling really.  I have a lot of research and thinking to do on that front, as well as many other fronts! 

Thanks for the offer to chat further -  I may well take you up on that.  Will be doing some reading today, so hopefully some ideas will begin to crystallise.

Very best wishes

K x


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

Hi Kat

Always happy to talk things through with you if and when you're ready.

No way would I consider adoption, and neither would my husband.  If this had been for us, we would have done it first, and never touched the IVF route, because believe me, I was dead against IVF and wouldn't even speak to anyone who brought up the subject.  I have a very good friend who's a psychiatrist involved in child protection, who has been pushing me very strongly towards adoption, but I would absolutely hate it.  I'm a teacher among other things, and I have no illusions about what adoption means and the extreme difficulties the parents face.

Do feel free to bounce ideas whenever you like.  There's a private message facility on here, so if you prefer to use that, please do.

Take very good care of yourself.

xx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Katlady - I totally feel for you. Your post really resonated with me. I am single and had always hoped that I would meet my special partner to start a family and when this didn't happen decided to go for it on my own. I have never regretted it. I was 45 when I first started treatment so was advised to go straight to double donation. I was still having periods then and was not menopausal, but it's not the number of eggs, but the quality that counts for success, so I think your best option will be double donation. Clinics are not keen to do OE over a certain age, I think they're worried about their stats.
I went to LWC Darlington first time, and they treat up to 55 I think. A fresh and frozen cycle failed, and was not happy with follow up so changed clinics. I then went to CARE Sheffield who will treat up to 53 but you have to have certain tests over 50. I was totally happy with the outcome. I had a fresh cycle and this gave me my gorgeous son who is just 4, and I got 3 frozen blastocysts. I went back for a frozen cycle and my beautiful daughter is 22 months. I have 2 frozen in storage so am in the process of planning a further cycle for no 3. 
It is hard parenting on your own but it is do-able. I hope that one day I might even meet someone to be a daddy to them, but I don't worry too much about that if it never happens. I would never be without my little family, they are enough for me.
There are definitely options over 45 so don't give up. It's just an adjustment and coming to terms with losing that genetic link. But if you're open to accepting that, you can still have a family.
Mochashosh - I'm sorry that you haven't been able to get your baby and that you are against DE. I respect you for your decision, it's best to be honest about it as if you're not 100 % for it, it would be so difficult to parent a child. I totally get what you mean about adoption as well. A work colleague who worked in health had told a friend who wanted to adopt that the children who are available for adoption are thThe one ones who are damaged! The ones who are well adjusted on the whole tend to be adopted within the birth family!


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## Katlady (Aug 8, 2018)

Hi deblovescats,

So sorry for my delayed reply and thanks so much for replying to my post.  I have sent you a PM




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Jeanette2 (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi Katlady
Good for you and wish you lots of luck. You only live once and if it's something you want, just go for it. I've recently had a 4month old daughter at 48.  I used a double donor frozen embryo and went to Reprofit in Czech Republic. The price was very good, sorry can't remember the exact amount but all on their website and found treatment there very smooth and efficient.  The success rates for using a double donor was higher than any other category I seem to recall. 
Sorry for such a short post, still got 101 jobs to do before bedtime but wanted to give a plug for Reprofit. I've no experience of clinics in Cyprus I'm afraid.


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Katlady - thanks for your message. Got your pm and will respond to it. I was 47 when I had my son and 49 when I had my daughter, so there is definitely hope over 45!


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