# One or Two?!



## MrsD87 (Mar 26, 2016)

I was wondering what helped you to make the decision to go for one or two children when you adopted? We've been set on one but are considering a set of twins. Its really hard to know whether we will manage two children at the same time.

TIA!


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

I guess that issomething only you will know. Depends on their age, your experience with children and also the childrens history. Good luck!


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

We adopted a sibling group for several reasons; we wanted to keep siblings together, we had the space, we knew we didn't want a single child, we thought there would be more 'choice' (sounds awful saying it like that, but hopefully you get my meaning), etc. It has been a wonderful experience for us all BUT it is FAR harder than we expected it to be. In all honesty, I often wish that we'd adopted one at a time, simply because it's so much harder to bond and build attachments when your attention is split. 

Both children came to us very insecure and needy and the pressure to give them both as much attention as they each needed, especially early on, was almost unbearable. I never felt like I could do enough, or give them enough, or help them enough. Things improved when my son started nursery and then school, as I did then get lots of one-on-one time with my daughter. Everything has been easier with her ever since and she is generally more confident and secure as a result. The whole attachment/bonding thing has been so much easier. It's always felt like hard-work with my son because I just haven't had that alone time with him. I wish there was a way to have that long period of of one-on-one time with my son too because it made all the difference with my daughter   We do make sure that both children get alone time with each of us, as and when we can, but it's not the same as having prolonged, daily time. Of course, I adore my children and I wouldn't change my decision for anything, but in hindsight I definitely see the benefits of adopting one at a time! Remember, you can always adopt another child once your first child is settled and attached and you feel you're all ready


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