# Mini panic attack in supermarket



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Title sums it up really. Went to my local M&S today (Saturday) and was immediately confronted with babies, bumps (the works). Nothing new in that. But, today I just had this huge urge to run out the store. I feel so angry at the world at the moment. It's not just the IVF it's everything else that has happening this year including IVF failure. One of those things one be enough thank you very much. I feel so cheated (followed by guilty, angry and sad and dare I say hate )... and just want to hide away from everything. Work is my only refuge at the moment (how sad is that). I'm scared these feelings are getting out of control and I won't be able to find a way back. I've never felt such a mix of emotions in my life. ITS NOT B****** FAIR!!! Why do I have to wait another couple of years to try again?


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i remember those feelings well. and even a year ago i never imagined escaping from them.. why do you have to wait? medical? money? i'm sorry you have to either way, it must be very frustrating and make all the other stuff so much harder to deal with. as you get older every month 'wasted' seems so much more of a problem... i was panic stricken at 40,41 that it was already too late. but it wasn't,  i hope when you do get to try again you hit the jackpot. good luck gaia.


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks gold bunny.... my reason for waiting is mainly financial sadly, which makes it harder. I can't physically work any harder than I do (e.g. at w/e aswell as full time) and getting a loan isn't an option at the moment because I'm trying to pay off £7,000 as well as save... But, it will be worth it in the end. At least I'll have put everything in to this, and not just have it all on a plate like 'some'. I'm turning into an angry bitter cow and I don't like it  ... Can feel myself having no friends at this rate (got nice colleagues though). Still, some of my friends have been very flakey and insensitive over the years, so no loss! New start, new life and new hope is my motto now!  

What's really sad is that there are relatives who could help financially, but won't, on the basis that they don't agree with IVF and think "I'm too old, not wealthy and would be an embarrassment to the child at the school gates!" (that was said to me 6 months ago!)... However, my mum has been great through all of this and is as angry as I am following that statement  ...that person has never had children so my guess she's speaking from a position of resentment and regret (money doesn't always by happiness and a sound mind)


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

holy cow what do they come out with! (@ would be an embarrassment to the child at the school gates!")   

 i will be about 50 by the time i'm school gate material... i do expect there will be people think i'm granny but i'd rather that than never be there at all.


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Absolutely, me too  ... it was a close relative that made that comment (and more)... Not sure I want to speak to her again... Couldn't say anything at the time for a couple of reasons.. but when I'm feeling stronger I will.


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Gaia - I feel for you honey! Gobsmacked utterly at your relative! How did you not manage to smack them? Would you consider cycling abroad, rates are cheaper and they can offer better success rates. I'm doing it in Prague.

As for the hot binding rage and unfairness, I've just found this. It made so much sense it made me cry.

http://ivf.ca/forums/topic/12401-i-will-be-a-wonderful-mother

  

/links


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Hi Jelliebabe

Thanks for that link - it's very moving.

The comment was said over the phone - she may not have felt as confident saying it to my face  

I would consider cycling abroad, but need to save the funds first


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

I know you still have to save but not for 7k worth of time!  My whole last cycle cost about 4k including Max doses of drugs (£1600) including icsi .  it may just be quicker for you!  In the mean time I pray we win the lottery!


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Be great eh  ... would make me so happy. Mainly because it will give me more choices, not because I particularly think that money is the be all and end all. My goal in life is to be happy and fulfilled. Right now that feeling eludes me  

I will definitely consider going abroad. I guess it just feels a bit more complicated due to language barrier etc. Would you start the process in a UK clinic?  Create have given me some information on Spanish clinics - you do the first part of the cycle at Create and then the rest in Spain. I think that's more expensive than what you quoted though.


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Spain is more expensive.  My clinic (Gennet) do have a sister clinic in London who do all the pre travel stuff.  Although many women just use one local to them.  Ask the staff there soak good English.  Im pretty sure all of the clinics in CZ do too.  Is only is here that don't!  Have a look on the abroad pages here.  Don't just take my eyes for it!  Good luck..... And if you do win the lottery... Remember me... Lol


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