# Hello! I would like to be a surrogate but don't know where to start!



## Jacquie_T

*Hello everyone I am hoping you can give me some help! I would like to become a surrogate mum to help someone but don't know what to do really. Is it necessary to join an organisation like cots in order to meet people that might be interested? and also to sort out agreements etc. Otherwise if it's illegal to advertise how would you get in touch with anyone? 

I have a family of my own and don't want anymore! *


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## Ceri.

Jacquie_T and welcome to Fertility Friends 

What a lovely lady you are for even considering this. I have moved your post here to the surro board so you'll get more replies and advice from the ladies here. Here is a link for the lingo we use.... 

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

and a couple of links to some of the procedures that can come with surrogacy (not sure whether you are thinking host or straight surrogacy?) ...

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*   CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

The ladies here will share their stories and help you with any questions you may have.

TTFN


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## Amandajb

Welcome to the World of Surrogacy!

What sort of couple do you want to help? Are you willing to travel? Why do you want to help another couple become a family? Do you want to do host (gestational) surrogacy where you carry a couple's embryo to delivery, or do you want to do straight (or traditional) surrogacy where you are artificially inseminated with the husband's sperm and you donate an egg?

These are all questions you will be asked, so you must be sure of the answers by asking yourself the question.

You could look into joining COTS or Surrogacy UK. Both large well established organisations with a good track record. Membership is free for surrogates, but IPs have to pay. You can meet IPs with SUK at their social events, whereas COTS will send you a list of couples looking for a surrogate and you can pick from there. Each system has its merits and it works for some couples.They both work on the 'friendship first' rule which is vital because 9 months is a long time to work with someone you don't actually like!

Or the smaller support groups are worth a look. Try www.surrogacysupport.co.uk, or http://forum.a-little-wish.co.uk/ There are others but these are a couple to start you off.

The classified ads are another way of recruiting a surrogate. I personally use them, and a few of my IPs have also done the same. This is how we met. Try http://classifieds.surromomsonline.com/cgi-bin/classifieds.cgi. Also try http://www.opts.com/cgi-bin/classifieds/classifieds.cgi. Not as good as SMO, but not bad and again, its free. These sites are based in the US and are well used by UK based surrogates and IPs so certainly worth a look.

Its not compulsory to join a large organisation to sort out agreements. The important - in my opinion vital - thing is that you actually have an agreement. They are not legally binding but they are so very important in ensuring that you have covered everything you need to. Its too late when the problem occurs and you haven't discussed it with your IPs.

Please do PM me if I can help any more, but I have no doubt that you will receive a flurry of replies from other board users whose advice will be very useful to you.

Take care and keep smiling! You are considering doing a wonderful thing and even considering doing it is something not all women do.

Amanda

/links


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## Jacquie_T

_Hi Ceri and Amanda and thankyou for your replies and the useful links. 

The ad sites look a bit money-oriented and there don't seem to be many UK couples on there but I will certainly give them a closer look later, thanks.

I would want to do gestational not straight as I know there wouldn't be any problem about "bonding" with the baby then. I don't mind travelling as I assume the expenses are paid by IPs? 

I would love to help a couple become a family and know the same joy that I have experienced with my children, which is something I wouldn't have missed for the world. It's so unfair that some may never know that joy.  But let's hope I can help someone.  _


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## Amandajb

Hi Jacquie

Yes all expenses are paid by the IPs and you should not be out of pocket for anything as a result of helping them.

From an experienced surro point of view, I can tell you that there is no difference to the feeling you get carrying a host or straight baby.  However, I, like you, started out with your mindset.  I worried about bonding and the feelings around delivery and like you, chose the host route for these reasons.  

Good luck in finding your couple.  Read, read and read some more to find out everything you can about surrogacy.  You will feel more confident when you have more knowledge of the process.

Take care.  


Amanda


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## luski

Wow wot an amazing thing u r willing to do  

                        We r about 2 start r 1st surrogate journey & am really excited

                        cant believe we r going 2 have a family of r own & it's thanks 2

                        people like u amazing special angels . We r not with any1 like cots etc

                        We did use surromumsonline but found r surrogate on www.surrogatefinder.com

                        The main things we were looking 4 was some1 who had looked in2 surrogacy in

                        great depth & was 100% sure it was wot they wanted 2 do also that we found 

                        some1 we got with well. We have an amazing relationship with r surrogate & she 

                        comes 2 stop with us regularly & a big help is she lives a 45min drive away. Must 

                        also say biggest put off was when the 1st words were how much u willing 2 give.



                        You need 2 make sure there is trust between u & IP's.

                        If u wanna have a chat   pm me & I'd b more than happy 2 give u more info if i can  




                        I do think u r a very special person 4 even thinking about this. People like u give people like me r dreams

                                                                  xxTammy xx


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## Jacquie_T

_*Ahh, that is a lovely thing to say Tammy, thank you. 

I wish you lots of luck with your surro, sounds like you'v found someone lovely. 

By the way, is PM personal message? Can people PM me too? New to this lol  * _


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## Ceri.

Jacquie_T said:


> _*
> By the way, is PM personal message? Can people PM me too? New to this lol  * _


Yes it is  and yes they can! If you want to 'pm' anyone just click on their name at the side of the post and the options will come up on their page. Hope this helps x


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## Jacquie_T

*Thanx! Of course, you Pm'd me right at the beginning didnt you! 

I will get there in the end.    *


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## missmarple

Hi Jacquie

A mssive thank you from a hopeful parent-to-be via surrogacy for what you want to do - it's an amazing thing for people like me and my husband.

We are IP's looking for a gestational surrogate and have regsitered with ****************** (if you look down the board there is a thread about them with contact details).  I have found them to be a better alternative to both COTS and Surrogacy UK because they are much smaller and you get really personal service.

If you want to know anything more or about surrogacy from an IP point of view please don't hesitate to PM me.

I wish you all the luck in the world.


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## Jacquie_T

_*Thanx missmarple it's great to know that there is the possibility that I could really change a couple's life with what I would like to do. 

Right, just need to find that special couple now then ... !!*_


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## steve and sue

Hi Jacquie its lovely to see ladys like you who want to help us , our baby is due in the next weeks and we used an amazing lady who came to us from ******************, she told us they really kept her informed told her all the pitfalls and really looked after her, there site is www.*********************** they may help you .

God bless you for being so kind and wanting to make someones dreams come true .

Sue xx



Jacquie_T said:


> *Hello everyone I am hoping you can give me some help! I would like to become a surrogate mum to help someone but don't know what to do really. Is it necessary to join an organisation like cots in order to meet people that might be interested? and also to sort out agreements etc. Otherwise if it's illegal to advertise how would you get in touch with anyone?
> 
> I have a family of my own and don't want anymore! *


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