# I'm new!!



## Mrs_Gally (Apr 17, 2008)

Hello!! I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself and say hi!! We recently had a cycle of ICSI in Jan/Feb which unfortunately ended in a BFN. I've been waiting weeks for AF to arrive which it finally did today and I'm now starting to think about what to do next (well I'd been thinking about it before but it didn't matter if AF wasn't gonna show!!) We've got 7 embies in the freezer so we're thinking of having a medicated FET in the summer but I can't decide whether I'm up for it or not (I guess that means I'm not yet!!) My BFN really took a lot out of me but a lot of people have said an FET isn't half as bad as a fresh cycle so I'm thinking maybe I should give it a go. I'm really worried though because our embies are only two cells (grade 2) and I'm concerned that even though we've got 7 frozen the chances of them thawing are slim and it could be another wasted journey  

I don't know how anyone manages to move on to another cycle...... the indission is so hard!!!!  

Rachel


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Rachel, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

In my experiences a FET cycle is a lot easier on you phsyically (assuming it's natural FET and not medicated) and, yes that does help but the 2ww is still the same anxious time and you have to add Thaw Anxiety into the equation!  
My first FET resulted in my embies surviving the thaw ok but them not dividing and not having anything to put back after all the mental build up is fairly devastating but, not as devastating as a BFN after 2 weeks because at leats you haven't been wanderign around for a couple of weeks being "pregnant". Everyone takes their own time, emotionally to get over a negative cycle - for some the answer is to dive straight in again and for others it's to have a break and recoup. Only you can really say what is right for you and you will probably know when it's time again to have another go. A lot of people take soem time out between cycles to get back to being themselevs again - I did this after my 4th attempt - I had 6 months off before going for FET with my frosties and, actually it did me a world of good because prior to that I'd been having treatment (including a m/c) pretty much solidly for over a year and on the ttc rolelrcoaster for over 6 years! When I did go again I was much more relaxed about it all!

I will leave you some links to parts of FF you might want to look over:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Frozen Embryo Transfer ~ *CLICK HERE

*Negative cycle ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will fnd a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck! 

C~x


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## ❁ BG2007 ❁ (Jun 26, 2007)

Hi Rachel

Welcome to FF 

I'm sorry you've recently had a bfn, it's horrible having gone through all the build up and anticipation  

I found myself in a similar situation last year, we had 5 frozen embies having had a bfp with the fresh cycle but then miscarrying. I really didn't know what to do - have a fresh cycle where your chances might be higher or a frozen cycle which is kinder to your body (and to some extent your emotions) and cheaper when self funding. We saw our Dr and it was decided by him and my husband that we should do the FET .... as my Dr said "you might as well as you have the embryos". With my husband working all hours to pay for it all I kept my mouth shut but inside desperately wanted to do another fresh cycle. I didn't see the point of FET .... it never works .... or so I thought .... William is 1 month old now.

The cycle was (for me at least) a breeze in comparison to the fresh, the thaw was terrifying but we got 2 from our 5 and the tww was just as much of a nightmare.

The main thing though was that we didn't start until I was ready, I took a couple of months to get over my m/c and then a few weeks to hit the gym, eat well and feel good about life again. You will also know when you are ready when the time comes. Could you meet with your Dr so you can all set out a plan of action - even when I wasn't ready I had my plan and that helped me  loads.

What ever you decide on though good luck and look after yourself

B xx


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## Mrs_Gally (Apr 17, 2008)

Hi B thanks for your reply, your William is soooo cute!!!! 

My biggest fear in all this is going through more drugs and "wasting" more money for us to get to ET and none of them thaw, or worse to experience another BFN!! Because our embies are only two cell if we loose a cell during the thaw that would be 50%!! So many people say they have 4+ cells when their embies were frozen and I can't help thinking it's a bad thing that our's only have two, that our chances are reduced which is why I'm reluctant to go ahead with it. Because besides the emotional strain of facing another BFN, like you I'm not sure it'll work!!!

I keep wishing I could go away for a few days or a week just me and DH (and the dog's) spend some time together where we can just relax and spend some time together. DH has got so self involved since the BFN and spends so much time on the computer that we hardly see each other!! Unfotunatley we can't afford it but I keep thinking how nice it would be to have that time away before we start again. One good thing though is DH has said this time he is going to stay home with me for most of the 2WW. Last time I was so bored, DH thinks that stressed me out more so he wants to keep me (gently) occupied to take my mind of things. I'm hoping that will help too.

(sorry I've realised I'm rambling and will go now   )


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## ❁ BG2007 ❁ (Jun 26, 2007)

You're not rambling!  

It is such a hard decision to make and I think if I was you I'd be thinking all the same thoughts. It's far too easy to be negative isn't it? I was just like you though in dreading going through a whole cycle with the risk of having nothing at the end (ET) but to be totally blunt that's the risk you have to take with FET (well fresh too to be honest.) As for the egg quality ... I've never really understood how the hospitals grade embryos so I can't comment on yours, surely though they wouldn't have frozen them if they didn't think they were good enough?

It's difficult trying to find a nice little place to go, to get away from it all when you've got a) no money and b) dogs isn't it? When you say that your husband has become self involved do you mean a bit sort of distant? Do you think he doesn't know how to react to your pain? I know my dh really struggled to know what to say to me after the m/c. If you can't go away why not have a chat with your husband and 'pretend' to go away ie get the house all clean, fill the fridge with yummy food, unplug the phone and the router (have a pc free w/e! I think we're all guilty of excessive surfing!) and plan some nice things to do together after you've walked the dogs (together while holding hands!) Just have some "you two" time.

I think the main thing is to keep talking to him, IVF is hard enough without feeling alone as you go through it.

Let me know how you get on  

B x


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## Mrs_Gally (Apr 17, 2008)

Well I keep thinking they wouldn't have frozen them if they weren't good enough but everyone else I've spoken to has loads of cells and all mine were only two cell, even on ET day out of 11 embies I only had one 3 cell!! I did have ET at 10am so I've decided it was because it was so early in the mornign but it doesn't make me worry any less!!

With regards to DH he has always been busy and has never been one to talk about his feelings but since xmas when we started tx he has gradually got more distant, he plays a game on the internet where he's involved with loads of other people and he is on it constantly. As soon as he comes home from work he goes straight to the pc (and I mean literally, doesn't even take off his coat or say hello first) He will come out and eat dinner with me then "quickly go back on to do something" which takes him up to the time he goes out. He is out at Darts Monday and Tuesday nights and sometime doesn't get home till gone midnight, Wednesday and thursday he plays football and sunday mornings he plays football too. During the week he either gets home after I've gone to bed or sit's on the PC untill long after I'm asleep. Don't get me wrong we do spend some time together but if we are watching telly he will pause it half way through ([email protected] you sky plus!!!) and go to "quickly do something" which some times takes half an hour or more. Mean while I'm just sat waiting for him not being able to watch anything on TV coz he "will only be a minute". If I say no you won't or try and watch it with out him he gets really angry and defensive and it causes a row. 

Sorry I've stopped rambling and am just plain moaning now aren't I!!! I'm sorry it's just so frustrating. I feel like since I started tx I am so alone. DH doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and the PC is coming between us more and more. I have no friends that I can turn to and even my sisters are too busy. My Mum lives miles away and is only interested in talking about her dogs and horses and I have never felt so a lone in all my life!!!!


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Rachel,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the site  .  This is a great place for support and information.  Good luck with everything.

Emma
x x x x


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## ❁ BG2007 ❁ (Jun 26, 2007)

Oh Rachel you sound so sad  I wish things could be different, it's so hard.

Listen, I have to go and have my hair cut in a bit and I'm typing one handed as it is but I didn't want to ignore your last post .... I'll come back later with a proper reply I promise but  in the meantime.

By the way, don't apologise for having a good old moan, that's what were here for! (and let's face it we all need some hubby moan time once in a while every day!!  )

B xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi Rachel and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic site full of support and advice.

I wanted to wish you loads of luck for the future and be sure to check the links out that have been left.

Kate xx​


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Mrs_Gally said:


> Well I keep thinking they wouldn't have frozen them if they weren't good enough but everyone else I've spoken to has loads of cells and all mine were only two cell, even on ET day out of 11 embies I only had one 3 cell!! I did have ET at 10am so I've decided it was because it was so early in the morning...


Absolutely! Of course you also have to take into account what day you had ET on. Lots of those with loads more cells than you might have had ET on day 3 which would double the amount of cells they will have (6 to 8 by then) Day 2 they are about 4 cells but it's entirely possible they might still only have 2 early on and not get to the 4 cell stage until late int he afternoon. It also might depend on when you had EC and when your sperm and eggs are mixed. I have known them to divide rapidly over the course of a day so it's entirely possible yours may have done either before freezing or will do so on the thaw. Also, I have known ladies get lovely BFPs from slow growing embies and from fairly poor quality embryos so you really just cannot tell!
At the end of the day, they would not have frozen them if they didn't think they stood a chance and, you have them already so you might as well give it a go. Perhaps have a back up of planning now to have a fresh cycle straight after. That way if this doesn't work or they don't survive the thaw you will have something to look forward too which might take the sting out of it and, well, you can always cancel and hopefully will have to! 

C~x


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## Mrs_Gally (Apr 17, 2008)

Thanks Caz. I think once our finances have settled down (we're currently buying our house) then we will go ahead with an FET but if we do have to go for a fresh cycle (which I hope we don't have too) it won't be for a few more years. We've got just enough money left to buy our house and have a FET if we're very tight with ourselves. There'll be no money in the pot for a fresh cycle for a long while yet. BUT DH is taking wellman vit's, omega 3,6 & 9 and garlic capsules plus he's totally quit drinking and smoking. We're gonna have an SA done in about 4 months and hopefully his count etc would have improved, maybe even enough for a natural miracle and we won't need to worry about our embies for a while (I'm dreaming I know but it keeps me going  )


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## Huldra (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi Rachel,

I've only been a member here for a few days, but I've learnt this:
1. You're not alone! There are many of us in the same situation.
2. You're allowed to ramble or moan or whatever you need to. Better doing it here than at home with our DH/OH/DPs (since they might get a bit tired of us - the people in here don't as they know the feelings).
3. It's not called dreaming, it's called staying positive! (which I for one am really, really bad at...)

Can someone please correct me if I'm wrong?   

I wish you all the luck in the world!

W.


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## Mrs_Gally (Apr 17, 2008)

Thanks Huldra. I keep trying to stay positive but it doesn't help when all the "specialists" keep knocking us down. We went to see our GP last week to get refered to a specialist to get DH checked out to try and find out why he's got a low count. It has gone from 12mil to 2mil in less than two years and it's really worrying. We said this to our GP and he said there's nothing that can be done and some men just have low counts. It infuriates me that when I couldn't concieve they sent me for tests to find out why. When it's DH problem they just say it's normal!!!! We really wanted to just get him checked out, knowing that it may well be "normal" and there's nothing wrong with him but at least we had tried, it was a real knock back when they refused. What made it worse was our GP then went on to say that it doesn't matter what his count is because we are having ICSI (even though we'd just said we couldn't afford another cycle so wanted to try again naturally) then he started to explain to us what ICSI is and how it works!!!! Doctors really are useless!!!  

(sorry, rambling again LOL!!!!    )


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