# what incentive do donors have for looking after themselves ??



## Reb (Mar 27, 2004)

Hi girls, i havent posted on here much but thinking of making this my home if you dont mind.

I am seeing my ivf/endo consultant tomorrow and know that, after 4 failed fresh ivfs, that he is going to say we need DEs.  I will prob need surgery first though to treat endo.  DH and I have thought long and hard and decided we want to do DEs at CERAM.

Anyway, my question is, what incentive do donors have for looking after themselves, ie, not drinking and smoking etc, when stimming ??  Does the clinic and recipient just have to trust them ?  I know this may sound like an ungrateful question but I just wondered.

Thanks girls and good luck  

Love

Becca
x


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## daizyroots (Aug 25, 2006)

Hi Becca,
I'm having treatment at IM and must admit i thought the same myself as virtually every young girl  i saw walking around Barcelona seemed to be smoking. I didn't ask this question  (stupidly)  but the Dr i saw sort of answered it by saying that the donors come forward voluntarily, and that they are  paid only 900 Euro's (not a great monetary incentive really is there??). And that they obviously have to be  comitted as they need to have the stimming drugs/scans at regular intervals. They are turned away if they are too fat/thin or take drugs.
I suppose all we can presume is that our donor's take a responsible attitute while undergoing treatment to ensure their eggs are as healthy as possible, but we're not really ever going to know for sure are we Ask your clinic i'd like to know their reply.
Good Luck with your forthcoming treatment.
Love Daizyxx


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## carok (May 24, 2005)

Warning ..Child ment'd

Hi Becca, Sorry you have had so many BFN's, it's soul destroying stuff !

It's a great question you have posed, which I have often wondered about too. 

I have a beautiful healthy child from DE in Spain, since then I have had two donors cancelled because they did not take their meds correctly, (BTW, I think I was REALLY unlucky, I haven't heard of that happening to anyone else).  The donor's need to be pretty motivated to go through with an IVF cycle, so hopefully the one's who don't look after themselves fall by the wayside as those two donors did.

That being said,  it is totally based on trust,  like their health history, there is no double checking on the infomation they give regarding their background. I don't think we can ever be sure they are taking care of themselves in the way we would ourselves in the run up to an IVF cycle. 

Personally I don't believe that all of these students are doing this altruistically, I do believe that for the most part. the money (even if we consider it not a lot) is a big motivating factor for them, (thankfully!)  it's a lot more than they could earn working part time in a bar for the same number of weeks, so maybe knowing they are getting a nice check at the end of it all is a good incentive to make sure the cycle is successful therefore their need to look after themselves.

The other thing I hope is that maybe just the whole idea of injecting themselves and the amount of drugs and monitoring and then ER is enough to make them realise what a serious undertaking it is and they do take more care of themselves during that period,  also a lot of them are repeat donor's so I would hope that they are aware of the importance of staying healthy and not screwing up the cycle.  Ultimately, it's much more important to be healthy during the pregnancy and that's completely in our control.

Sending you lots of luck with your decision Becca and wishing you success whatever route you take.


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## amies (Apr 19, 2005)

Dear Carok,
This is a bit off the subject and I hope you don't mind me asking but do you think that when you look at your lovely little DE child that the clinic did a good job on matching your physical characteristics? 

I hope you don't think this is too shallow a question - ultimately of course the most important thing is to be gifted a healthy child but I am exhausting myself at the moment with the issue of matching and how it works. 

For instance, we both have blue eyes and would want a blue eyed donor but the majority of spanish people don't seem to be blue eyed yet IM in Barcelona says they can get them relatively easily - are they all foreign students then? 

again, I hope you don't mind me asking.
much love,
amies x


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## carok (May 24, 2005)

Hi Amies,

No I don't mind you asking at all. The clinic did a good job of matching height, weight, eye color and blood group.

That being said, my DC looks nothing like me,  but people say DC is the total double of my husband, honestly though, I don't see the resemblence.  I am fair, pale freckled skin with blue eyes, my DH is very mediterranean looking, dark brown eyes, olive skin and black hair.  We do know the donor had blue eyes and pale skin,  but my DC had DH's brown eyes and is a mixture of our skin tones, darker than me but paler than DH.  In our case I believe any bio child would look more like DH than me anyway.

I think in Barcelona and Madrid, they do get Eastern European donors and I know of several couples who have had blue eyed children from DE in Spain.  I do believe the wait is much longer though for fair blue eyed donor.  

I don't think it's shallow at all to be concerned about the matching,  I am on my second round of donor cycle (with IVI) and this time I had to wait more than 7 months for a blue eyed donor, only for it to be cancelled at the last minute.  I did decide to go with a brown eyed donor in the end because of my husband's colouring (it was a BFN!),  but I did feel that having already given up hope of a genetic link with my child, I would at least like to have had some physical attributes that would be similar.  As you say, in the end it doesn't really matter.

If you are really concerned about it, have you considered Eastern Europe ? 

Good luck with it all.


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## amies (Apr 19, 2005)

hi Carok, 
thanks so much for the reply, I have considered just about everything! 
We went over to the states (CCRM in denver) a couple of weekends ago and had their one day work up and signed on for their wait list - 6 months. I must say that although they test for everything, i found the whole trip exhausting - it is such a long way from home and I am worried that the jetlag won't help with getting pg. We also had to remortgage the house, literally.

I'm sorry to hear that your last cycle was bfn - do they know why I wonder - especially as you have had success before.
I was told (and it seems to be the gen consensus on the IM thread) that IM have lots and lots of blue eyed donors so maybe you could try them. They say their wait list is only 2-4 weeks which seems pretty amazing. 
7 months is longer than CCRM and they are second only to Cornell in time scales so I really am surprised at IVI.
Just out of interest, why did you go with IVI as opposed to IM or Ceram?

I did look quite seriously into AV in Russia and am still vaguely considering it but it really is a foreign country - the alphabet, the language, I couldn't even begin to stab at guess at either. But mainly it seemed quite complicated getting all the tests done here that they wanted that I lost the will to live at one point! That said, they do seem very thorough and professional and lots of the posters have had pg there so i am not rulnig it out. I think going to the states has made me realise that perhaps i really need to be doing this a bit closer to home.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, and thanks for listening,
much love
amies x


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## sabina2 (Jun 5, 2004)

hi becca - my donor is a mother of two.  she did confess to smoking 5 cigarettes/day on her profile.  i decided not to worry about this (despite never having smoked in my life and really detesting the habit) believing that the age of the donor overrides most other factors.  also i thought (my assumption though) that as she was already a mother she would be a responsible person.  her motive for donating initially was to help out an infertile friend - which i also liked.  of course we have no absolute guarantees about what our donors are up to and what they are like as people, but sometimes we have to take a leap of faith   

best of luck with your future treatment


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## hola69 (Nov 17, 2005)

what a good thread...

I hadnt really thought about this before....I suppose we have to trust our donors and ultimatley they are being very kind in giving us this chance..without them where would we be? 

I have always assumed that they wouldnt take smokers as it affects egg quality..so thats a surprise to me that some do. But then they could just lie and say they dont and we wouldnt be any the wiser...to be honest they could be doing every thing they shouldnt and we wouldnt know...

Anway Im not going to worry too much about it..cant cope with another thing to lie awake thinking about    

Good luck to you all and tons of love...

N.B Amies I can only say great things about AV so far,...communciation excellent, length of waiting time very little and costs etc very affordable..good luck in your choice...xx

Love L xxx


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## kinsale (Oct 4, 2006)

Hi Girls

Was just reading your posts there, i know in Valencia there is a waiting list of one year for a blue eyed donor, i have blue eyes, but am on the list for a brown eyed donor. I have been waiting 5 months already, Getting my 1st scan done next week and dep. inj then when i get period i have to contact ivi and hopefully i will get the go ahead to start the pills. Some people are called really quick for their et. Does any know if l am unlucky enough to get cycle cancelled, what stage do they notify you. 

Keep in touch.


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Kinsale,

Firstly, good luck with your treatment!!  At IVI, you will be in the best of hands ....

I went to IVI Barcelona in August.  We had an initial consultation in May, and started the pill in the July, and had ET on 22 August (We are now 10 weeks pregnant - and look at our history!!), anyway, knew something would be happening week beginning Monday 14th August.  On the Monday at 7.30 am we got a call to say our donor hadn't responded and the cycle had been cancelled . .... devastating.  However, on the Wednesday afteernoon, we got a call to say they'd matched us to another and to get flights booked - we need to be there on the Saturday!!!  They really do try their best not to mess you about at IVI.  I can't recommend them enough.  They have been so on-the-ball and professional, and positive with us right from day one.

I wish you all the very best with your tx.
All my love
Gill xo


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## kinsale (Oct 4, 2006)

hi gill

Just wondering, how long were you waiting for af after dep inj. Also how long were you on pills for before et?


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## Reb (Mar 27, 2004)

Thank you so much ladies.  You have been very helpful.  I guess after obsessing (and beating myself up about how little I have looked after myself in the past) about having a healthy life style during ivf etc we have to accept that we cant be sure what the donors do.  Sabina, I think you are right that youth probably overides a lot.  Well done on your BFP!!

Carok, no need for child alert   I am always encouraged and interested to see success stories.  I am so sorry you had the disappointment of your recent BFN.  I am wishing you far more success for your next cycle.

Daisy, good luck with your treatment.  I will be looking out for you.

My consultant confirmed my thoughts, surgery then use our 2 frosties then DEs.  He has put us on the waiting list which is about 2 to 3 years.  They have a about a 33% success rate with DEs at Jessops.  We are only going to give DEs one go and feel we would have a better chance abroad as the donors are younger.  I guess we have a bit of time now to think about it.

Thanks again ladies, your comments and recommendations are very helpful.  I know I would never have dared to contemplate any of this (including ivf) if I didnt get chance to work through my fears etc with ladies like you.

Love

Becca
x


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