# Hi - new, sad and desperate for a miracle :(



## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

Hi there! This board was recommended to me by a very dear friend. I'm in a bit of a sad situation and wondering whether I should go for IVF or whether that's just too much of a gamble.

It took me a very long time to find a guy with whom I could trust to start a family. Then, I got ill before we could get married and had to have an operation. When I finally fell pregnant last year, we'd already been married for five years and I was 39. 

I miscarried and they found a very large benign fibroid in my uterus which was deforming it to an extent that the surgeon I saw recommended it should be removed. I had the operation in August and it had to be a full open surgery due to the size of the tumour.

I've been for follow-up checkups afterwards and have been told that my fallopian tubes are now probably scarred shut. I turned 40 this spring and the surgeon is now saying that I should go for IVF if I want to fight against time. 

But I am a bit disappointed that IVF is free on the NHS only until 39 years of age... and I wasn't told this until a month after my 40th birthday.   

With my history surely it might have been wiser to start IVF immediately after I recovered from the operation?

So, my husband and I have average salaries and have been trying to save for a home of our own (having lived in small rented properties since we got together). We've saved up 10k for a deposit... but with £4k a try, how much will IVF take? Probably more than £10k.

We are devastated and not sure what to do now. I was told that there are some other options (like inserting a camera up the tubes or something) but how likely are those to be effective? And what if we wait too long and lose all chances?

My husband's sperm quality is ok but not perfect either. We were told he has something like 30% motility and 2% viable (I don't really know what that means).

So, here I am, hoping to find out what to do next - and if we have to go for IVF, what clinics people would recommend in the South-East.


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Supercalifragilistic!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

Sorry to hear that you have been through a tough time, how  annoying that you just missed out on free treatment. I don't live in the UK so not 100% sure what the system is over there. Here is a link to the South East section, they will be able to fill you in on clinics, waiting times, procedures etc etc ~ CLICK HERE. Here is the link to the London section - CLICK HERE as well, just in case you decide to go there.

Here are a couple of other links that I think might help you.

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Uterine Problems ~ CLICK HERE

Tubal Factors ~ CLICK HERE

Fertility Investigations - CLICK HERE

TTC over 40 ~ CLICK HERE

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!         

Sue


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

Hi!

Thank you for a really lovely and helpful reply! I've been trying to search the forums and felt a bit bombarded with a zillion different abbreviations...


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## DINKIN82 (May 15, 2012)

Hi
I know exactly what you mean.  Myself and husband have been married nerly 4years and have savings, as too we are renting and hoping to have our own home one day, however im only 29 and have been advised to start IVF without delay.  Im doing my first cycyle as we speak.  Its cost £4000 (Queen MArys Roehampton) as we have to go private as I dont qualify for NHS as I have a high FSH level.  I try not to think about the financial side, I keep telling myself that we wont get in debt over it, but that maybe we have that money for a reason.  If we had bought a house last year or the year before then having ivf wouldnt be an option without getting a loan and debt ! My advise would be to have a go, otherwise you'll always regret it.....after all its only money.....I just make little cut backs like less coffees on the way to work and less lunchs out etc, and I sell loads on ebay to earn some extra. you'll be amazed how much you can save.  Also the cost wasnt payable in one go, it was spread over 2 months so we used some of our wages too. I really hope that the first go is enough and all we'll need but we are prepared to use all our savings.  If the money runs out then we'll call it a day at least we'll be able to say we gave it our best shot.
good luck xxxx


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

Yeah I have had to really think about this - and on one had it's definitely "Only money" but it's also very difficult to judge whether we would be throwing it at a hopeless cause or not; I think I need more medical advice before making a decision.


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## AngeinParis (May 21, 2012)

Hi there,

And so sorry to hear about your situation.  I just read an article on the Guardian website this morning re. the age limit for free IVF in the UK being increased from 39 to 42.  Have a look on guardian.co.uk.  I must have another read as I can't remember when this is due to become effective.  I no longer live in the UK so I've had to pay.

I had a laparoscopy in 2004 and was told my tubes were damaged/unhealthy and possibly blocked and I was told I should go for IVF.  But, I conceived the following month naturally - it was a complete shock!  I think the op temporarily cleared out whatever blockages were in there.  I admit this was a pretty lucky conception and completely unexpected.  I've had another op since but no joy the 2nd time round.  And my surgeon told me that if scar tissue is removed/lasered during the laparoscopy procedure then you really only have a window of about 6 months before it grows back.

Good luck!


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## AngeinParis (May 21, 2012)

Sorry I should have said that a laparoscopy is where they insert dye into your fallopian tubes (done under anaesthetic) to check for blockages and possibly remove scar tissue etc.  I had it done on the NHS (2004) but can't remember how long I had to wait.  But it's worth a go if you find you have to wait a bit longer to go down the IVF route.


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

AngeinParis said:


> Hi there,
> 
> And so sorry to hear about your situation. I just read an article on the Guardian website this morning re. the age limit for free IVF in the UK being increased from 39 to 42. Have a look on guardian.co.uk. I must have another read as I can't remember when this is due to become effective. I no longer live in the UK so I've had to pay.
> 
> ...


My husband just texted me this morning about the news regarding the age limit. Now all we need is for our local council to adopt the new recommendation early enough.. (with my luck they'll wait 3 years  ). It would be close to miraculous if we actually got to do IVF on the NHS after all.

And I am so, so happy to hear you conceived naturally - both for selfish reasons (we're still "trying") and because it's lovely that someone out there had this very important bit of good fortune. Congratulations 

My surgeon said we COULD go through the "unblocking" process but that the scarring would just return after a while anyway. And he seems to be of the opinion that we're running out of time because of my age (*sigh*) and that the longer we dither with unblocking etc. the less chance of success we will have, and should just go straight for IVF.


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## juddy (Oct 12, 2011)

Hi, i just read your post, im juddy. not real name.lol. I heard on the radio this morning that they are putting the age up, im sure it said into the 40's. I hope this helps, its so unfair, yes you are right with how much will it take, very expensive.I hope everything works out, which area are you from, some areas are cheaper options if you ggogle search different clinics that are repetable. Good luck.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi there, goodness you have some difficult deisisions to make!  The only thing i would say is that if you decide to have ivf its very very difficult to stop.  What i am trying to say is that you have one go and it almost pulls you in, its very very hard just to "give it a go".  This is just my opinion though., but something to take into consideration. good luck. xx


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## AngeinParis (May 21, 2012)

Yes I guess you need to listen to what your surgeon recommends ie. prioritise IVF over laparoscopy.  And also, laparoscopy's are pretty nasty!  I've had two and I think I prefer IVF to be honest!  The scarring does grow back so it does only give you a limited about of time to get pregnant naturally.

I think another previous poster had a very good point re. one round of IVF not usually being enough.  I did one round in October 2010 and when it didn't work I swore I wouldn't go through it again.  I just thought right, that's it, I'm heading for 40 and I've tried, it's just not meant to be.  But here I am at the age of 40 and a half (!) and we decided to do it again.  We're using the money we had put aside for tax to pay for it!  Hoping the taxman understands!  It is pretty expensive here - I reckon about 5k-6k all in.  But at least the appointments are staggered and it is a pay as you go thing - albeit you pay the bulk of the fees over a 2 month period.  The drugs are the big shock cost-wise!

I really wish you all the best.  I have a friend here who had one round of IVF at the age of 41 and got pregnant.  Her daughter is now 2 and a half.  I know she's one of the lucky ones but it does happen!


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## jules40:)x (Jun 15, 2011)

Hi just a quick note I think you will regret not giving it a go more than giving it a go and it failing. As for clinics in the south we used the Wessex in Southampton and they were lovely, they do a sort of all in one clinic too where u have all the tests and get to see a consultant if it's answers you want I don't think that was too expensive. I found them to be competitive and friendly with good results however I may be biast as we are expecting twins, conceived 6 months after my 40th b'day  

Good luck whatever you decide  xx


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

coweyes said:


> Hi there, goodness you have some difficult deisisions to make! The only thing i would say is that if you decide to have ivf its very very difficult to stop. What i am trying to say is that you have one go and it almost pulls you in, its very very hard just to "give it a go". This is just my opinion though., but something to take into consideration. good luck. xx


Yes, this is the thing I am pretty sure about: we have to be ready to commit to spending all our savings on a ... potentially hopeless mission.

The news about NHS IVF age being raised is good - but how long will it take for the health authorities to act on the recommendation is a whoooooooooole other matter. They might do something about it in a few year's time.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Call your local pct and ask?  they may have some advise, and if they have not heard about it then you can pretty much guarantee that its going to be a long long time!


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