# New to moving on (but not to FF)



## crystal4314 (Nov 29, 2004)

Hiya everyone

I used to post here a while ago, whilst we did an IUI (which got cancelled due to lack of response). Since then we've changed jobs and house, and have decided that we aren't trying anymore. We arent in a position financially or emotionally to have children, as well as my PCOS and thyroid problems. 

I'm currently considering counselling, I'm finding it hard to cope with my feelings about myself and how inferior I feel. Just found out that my SiL is pregnant, she told us 10 days after saying they were going to try that she was pregnant. I don't get on with her anyhow, but this has made me really resent her. I cant bear to even talk about her with DH at the mo without it turning in to a fight.

Sorry to whinge, hope you're all well.


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hi and welcome to our little gang.

Don't worry my dear, you aren't whinging.  For those of us who are at this stage of things, it can be very upsetting when the whole world and his wife are pg, especially at the drop of a hat........or should that be pants? 

If you are considering councelling, and you seem quite open to it, perhaps it could be beneficial.  It is also positive that you and DH are concentrating on setting up a home, it really helps when you have other irons in the fire.  Keep talking to DH, this too will help.

Big hugs and kep strong

Nat xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Crystal

Just wanted to add my welcome to this space, and to say that there are many of us who have sufferered or who are going through the poor self image process - it's amazing just how tied up our thought processes can be about how we fit into this world in relation as to whether we are parents or not. I now firmly believe that I (and anyone else here) have the right to live a happy life, despite the devastating fact that I (we) will never have kids. It took a while for that thought process to stick in my brain though I am a few years down the line now.

It sounds like you have been through an enourmous amount of changes recently what with treatment, new jobs and a new place to live, and health concerns of your own too, as well as making the massive decision about not going any further with treatment - sounds like you really need a break off the treadmill of life for a while, and a very well deserved one too hon!

As for your SIL - argh - bad, bad timing... but such is the way with people that push our buttons in an 'argh' kind of way. Thinking of you, and hoping that you and your other half are able to get some comfort from each other without arguing about your 'orrible SIL!

There is life out there after treatment hon, but it can take a bit of living before you get to that place where you think things aren't as bad as they first felt... we're here to hold your hand along the way.

Much love
Emcee xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Crystal,

It is always wierd to welcome people to this board as we all know it is somewhere none of us wanted to be! Still, I hope you will find it helpfull to come and share how things are going for you, I think you will find it is a really supportive board, as the replies you have had so far demontrate.

As Emcee says, you've been going through a lot, so be easy on yourself. Try to concentrate on you and DH and your new home, not on other people. 

You SiL does sound as though she has been very lucky indeed to fall pg so soon after announcing trying. On the otherhand, maybe they have been trying for a while and just wanted to give you and DH a bit of advance notice of what was on the cards? Either way, I know it is tough to have to try and look pleased for other people who seem to have it easy, especially when we don't even like them!

I know it can be hard to feel that we and our DH's don't see family pgs in the same way, but it seems that we very often can't understand one another on this. My own experience and a lot of the posts here suggest that men seem to take a "logical" stance, i.e. that other people's good luck with fertility is irrelevant to the bad luck they have experienced within thier relationship. Whereas women seem to find the pgs of friends and families as a personal blow - maybe because we  feel excluded somehow? That doesn't mean that couples can't find ways forward from IF together, just that maybe for a while we women need to look for support from places like this and maybe from counselllors like you suggest. (Of course this is a bit of a generalisaion!)

Anyway, I hope you will get the suppport you need at this difficult time.

Love Jq x


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## Angel Child (Apr 22, 2008)

Hi Crystal,

I know exactly where you are coming from!! I have SIL problems too and I am not coping very well. She also got pg first month of trying and it hurts like hell. DH & I are also doing our fair share of arguing about it, so you are soooooo not alone!!! I don't have any advice, as I am pretty much where you are and don't know how to get myself out of it, but I just wanted to give you  .

Hope it helps a little to know you are not alone, even though it often feels like it!!

 

Angel


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Crystal

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time   I know how hard it is when people around you are pregnant. My SIL had a baby last month and 2 sets of friends have just had a baby. I am sure there will be many more babies around us in the future. I always find it hard to hear and i also struggle with how some people get pregnant so easily   It's good to know there are people on FF that understand how we feel.

Counselling sounds like a good idea although make sure you go to a good one...i have been to see 2 counsellors and the second one was awful, they all have different approaches. 

You have suffered so much loss you must give yourself time to heal and don't under estimate how long that can take. It sounds like you have a lovely DH and it must be exciting to have your new home, i know it's hard but try and focus on the positive things in your life  

Take care
Florie x


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## longingforlilone (Jul 16, 2008)

Hi Crystal,

Add me on to that list.. annoying, pregnant, sister in law. I've been having such a difficult time coping with it.
Or future sister in law (they're not even married) hasn't even known my brother in law for a year and miraculously she falls pregnant. Even more difficult knowing that she's the preferred daughter in law and that my mother in law is dying for grandchildren. How inferior do I feel? I've been married over a year and so it feels like I should be the one pregnant. Ever since I've heard the news (about 3 weeks ago) I just haven't been able to get it out of my head. I"m also doing the arguing with hubby thing and I just can't bring myself to be around them. It hurts so much! I've always been taught that life is worthwhile only when you have children.. it's a culture thing. So I've been fed this my whole life. I haven't gone through all the treatment options.. am looking to start this month.. but already I feel like an inferior, inadequate person even before starting. Not sure if it's ok to post in this section since I'm not moving on at the moment.. but just wanted to say I can understand some of what you're going through. Feel free to pm me. I know it's difficult to talk to others who might not understand.
For now.. I just say take one day at a time. That's what I'm doing. And of course.. try and think about positive things or things that make you happy.


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## crystal4314 (Nov 29, 2004)

Thanks girls

I really wish I could divorce my in-laws, but keep my husband


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hey Crystal... maybe your in-laws are like mine and should be refferred to as out laws? That's what I call my lot...  

Big   to you

Love
Emcee xxx


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## crystal4314 (Nov 29, 2004)

Ooooh its tempting


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