# Anyone else have complete meltdown moments about money and how you'll manage?



## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Off for my second round of DEIVF in a couple of weeks. 

Finanacially I seem to be worse off than I was when I did my previous cycle last October - even though I earn more...how's that possible? !

Every month, just when I think I'm doing ok and can put some money aside some giant bill lands on me. In March it was my gas, electric and phone bill - combining £700. This month it's my building insurance together with my TV licence, my car tax (which will necessitate an MOT and service) - which will all come to about £1200. 

I feel a bit of a fraud whingeing because I earn a really good salary - but the whole lot seems to be eaten up every month by the time I've paid my mortgage, council tax, travel and food bills there's nothing left - and I'm usually in the red. 

I'm self employed and I really panic about how I'll be able to take any time off should I get pregnant. Previously I've had a 'things will work out' attitude...this time around I'm not so sure.


----------



## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

I can really relate!!! I didn't used to worry about occasionally getting into the red, but now as I am so focused on TTC it really stresses me out that if I struggle now what will I be like if I have a baby  (oh yes and the mere mention of redundancies at work sends me cookoo  )

A wise friend told me not to stress and that if I can afford the costs of TTC this way I'll probably cope fine - I am trying to believe her  

Love Krissi  xx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Frequently  

Violet I had a major meltdown last week on the IVF thread .... was quite sure I was going to cancel just could not see a way to cope financially.

I've put my head firmly back in the sand and taking the approach that whatever happens it will work out by making a few changes - I figure we live within our means and somehow will make ends meet.  I've by no means got all the answers yet but know I will manage with a few sacrifices here and there.  I just know I've got to be a mummy  

I pay all my utilities monthly so don't get big hits for insurance/tv/gas/elec etc - you could look into this to spread the costs to make it more manageable on a montly basis?

You're certainly not alone on this one hun  
Jovi x


----------



## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

Having been lucky enough to have my little man I spend lots of time worrying about whether I can afford things for him.  But then I remind myself that loads of parents bring up their children with far less money than I have, and think about my friend who has 4 children, is a full time mum & gets a pittance from their father - then think "if she can do it & have all 4 of them so balanced then I'm sure I can do it!"  I figure that if we all waited til we had enough money to do the things we want to without any worry we'd never do anything & would never actually work out the ways to manage.  Have you looked at sites like direct gov which let you work out what benefits you will get according to your circumstances (maternity pay whilst self- employed etc?)  There's not huge amounts but it can be reassuring to realise you are not going to be on the bread line!
When your little miracle happens there's a surprising amount of money you can gather together to help & at the end of the day as long as you can provide the basics served up with buckets of love, any little person is going to be lucky to have you as his / her mummy!
Hang in there!


----------



## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Am having one now actually!!!   Have a huge mortgage and the job i've had for 5 years wont be funded after end of this year... I'll be unemployed in a recession with negative equity...

Good job I'm not a complete worrywort ... have to come up with a plan soon to cushion blow   

Maya


----------



## ameliacooper (Aug 12, 2007)

Violet - all the time

I've been trying to buy my DD a garden playhouse so every month I've been putting money aside and just realised that this month I've also got my road tax/MOT.

But she is warm and fed and clothed and happy and we have a roof over our heads - so the playhouse will have to wait!

You just manage - I have had to cut down on loads of things now I'm a Mum - I hardly ever buy new clothes or posh toiletries that I used to do before.

It's soo hard and I really wish I had more money but I don't so you just work with what you've got!

xx


----------



## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Well it's a relief to know I'm not alone. 

Yep, I think the 'head in the sand' approach is the one I shall be adopting!

Jovigirl I'm self employed and don't get paid regularly so it doesn't really work for me to pay things on direct debit. I can get a big cheque and then nothing for 3 months so it's easier to pay things as and when.


----------



## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi Violet

I'm self employed too so can sympathise with you. I definitely agree though that there will never be a time in life when you have *enough* money. So you just have to try and get by each day as it comes.

When I quit my day job to start my business as a self employed person I had a massive amount of personal debt. The sensible thing would have been to stay in my old job until I'd paid off the debt, but I knew I couldn't waste another 5+ years of my life being unhappy, so I just took the chance. It's amazing how much it focuses the mind when you have no alternative but to make enough to survive!

I imagine that being a parent will be similar - you will do whatever it takes to get them what they need to keep them safe and happy. Don't let money worries put you off your dreams!

Caramac


----------



## wizard (Nov 6, 2008)

Violet, I'm another one that completely understands your worries.  I'm also self-employed (with a stop-start income that's unpredictable) and spent a long time thinking about how I would manage if I had a child.  I do believe though that we'll find a way some how to manage, and when I think of people I know that are in debt it's not having children per se that is the reason but that are living beyond their means.  Don't get me wrong I'm not judging them but as amelia has said some things have to give to make room for others and if you can keep a roof over your head then that is what matters.  And things will work out one way or another - not always how we planned or expected but just by the fact we are going down this route solo is testimony our ability to get through difficult times.

Good luck with this cycle.

Wizard x


----------



## Good Vibrations (Apr 25, 2009)

Hi Ladies, sorry to jump in ... but yes, meltdown M*E*L*T*D*O*W*N ... especially, if I may say so ... the week of your period after it doesn't work  

Fingers crossed ... as my best friend's mum says:  'there are no banks in heaven ' 

Have a blooming marvellous day ... hope that you are in a place where you can enjoy the sun!

Good Vibrations

xx


----------



## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Just wanted to echo what Amelia said - you have to cut back on lots of things but it really is 'doable'.

Maya - sounds like you are facing a tough situation at the moment.  Hope you manage to get a plan of action together  

Some1

xx


----------



## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Violet,    

Just wanted to throw my tuppence worth in as well.  I'm also self employed, work part time, have one child about to start school and another on the way...and have had the odd sleepless night, particularly earlier on in this pregnancy, as to how everything is meant to come together, how to fund some maternity leave (I will manage an entire six weeks - oh for the secure, well paid corporate job I gave up 18 months ago!  ) and how to address & pay for increased childcare arrangements given my line of business (significant long haul travel involved).  

As others have said about their own experiences, my spending habits have changed since my son was born.  Some times this is through budgeting necessity, but more often than I would have believed prior to having him, it is through choosing a different way of life - and being happy with this choice.    I swapped life in a one bed London flat for a three bedroom house in the country with a smaller mortgage.  When I need to be in London for work, I commute.  Whereas entertainment and personal travel were big expenses of the past, now they are far more limited in scope, simply on account of having a child that I would rather spend time with and a home I would like to spend time in.  Friendships change - the people I see more often than not are those content to spend a weekend with us or vice versa, rather than the far more expensive pursuits I used to indulge in.  Some of the latter still happens - but rarely these days.  Other things simply become more important - and for me at least, those other things haven't involved so much financial outlay. Well - apart from fertility tx, but I'm sure many of us could write a chapter or two on that subject.  

The other great thing about working for yourself is that your earning power is not capped, though individuals (and I'm one of them) some times deliberately cap the time spent on business activities to pursue other interests - mine being my family.  Yes, sometimes finances are hair raising, but I'm happy to endure the odd sleepless night if that's what it means to be the sort of mum I want to be and, as importantly, since my kids will eventually leave home  , lead the sort of life that makes me happy.  

Maya, thinking of you too - I really hope something fantastic on the work front is just around the corner.     

A-Mx


----------



## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Thanks Inde ... I'll take all the   I can get  


Maya


----------



## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Thanks for all your replies and kindness 

good to know I'm not the only one.


----------



## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

I worry about how I'm going to pay my mortgage and take up to 9 months off work.  When I say take time off work, I still intend to do paperwork from home.

I also worry about childcare costs and last night I was worrying about uni costs!!!  I'm contemplating moving overseas to be closer to my mother and possibly  rent out my house here for some income.

All I know is that I'm not worried about loving my child.


----------



## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

It's no help for treatment costs but it may intrest thoes of you who are preggers to know that if you qualify you can claim income support when on the unpaid part of maternity leave.  You can also claim housing benifit if you qualitf and if you own a house they will pay an amount towards the morgage intrest.  There is a 13 week wait till they do this so you want to apply before you qualify, eg.  apply more than 13 weeks before your materity pay or maternity allowance ends and get turned down then let them know your change of cirmcumstance when it ends and you can get help straight away.


----------



## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

Have you rang morgage company I will either take a payment holiday or change to interest only for a few months?

yes I do have meltdowns about it!!


----------



## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

Morrigan, a mortgage break sounds like a good idea.  I've been over paying every month for the last 18 months.  

I'm planning on having 6 months paid ML and next 3 months after half pay.  Considering that throughout the 9 months out of the office, I'll have to work from home to keep up with paperwork and organise my own cover to get someone to man the office phone in the afternoons while I'm away.  The joys of working in the family business.


----------

