# family



## wanttoflyaway (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi there ... I haven't been on in a while, Anti Depressants been working and generally been feeling ok ... still been thinking about our infertility & wishing things were so different but managing a easier existence! any how.. news last night,  ss & gf are expecting, and I literally fell apart  . My darling ss whos 26 dealt with it so well (as he knows our situation) told his dad then let him tell me so I wasn't put in a situation, of course we are so pleased for them as they are so happy but i'm a complete state. I managed a quick 'congrats' & cuddle and a joke about being a younger nannie when he popped in last night and felt really brave, after he went though I just fell apart, all the emotions etc that we all know about came to the surface and poor poor hubby had a terrible evening with me. I could see he was pleased for them and so was I .. I genuinely am, just so sad for us, well me, feeling sorry for myself I know but feel like the wind has been taken out my sails and don't know which way to turn. we have to make contact with gf to congratulate but just don't know how I going to be able to compose myself, I just feel like the next year is going to be a living nightmare for me, and every step that they share is going to be like a knife through my heart   how am i going to get through this?! i have to be positive and supportive for all concerned especially my husband who has been amazing, just don't know how to stay in control...


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

Wanttoflyaway, I can feel how hurt you are feeling from reading your post, It is just not fair is it?

I cant offer much advice, but from experience of one of my brothers wife recently having a baby and another brothers wife due in November I know how much it can hurt, Strangely the pregnancy part didn't affect me as much, it was when my nephew was born that it hit me more, but I love him to bits so it did get much better and I am sure that you will love your SS's child too.

Keep strong and keep talking to your DH as it will help.

Sorry that I cant offer more help.

Tulip x


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## wanttoflyaway (Feb 2, 2012)

thanks for your reply it does really help - I know there are no real answers and I know I am feeling sorry for myself - just need to cut off my emotions and I will be fine!! feeling so sad today, also want to reach out to ss & gf and tell them how lucky they are and to cherish every moment but they don't need me to say that. I just keep tearing up today and I need to find a way to get that to stop!!   also worried that when I see them both together I will cry, all the conversations that are going to come up etc etc I just don't know how i'm going to cope... 

I'm sure I will love little one with all my heart like you do - sounds like you have been very strong thanks you againxx


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## wanttoflyaway (Feb 2, 2012)

thanks so much for your response - I've had some lunch and feeling a little more in control!   spoken to dh and tried to have a 'fairly' normalish conversation... very difficult - he must be so chuffed that he is to become a Grandad but equally torn because of our situation, I feel so guilty that he has to hide how he is feeling. I can totally relate to what you have said about the thought of what's not as I was fine once my sisters little one was born a few years ago - thing is this time is its got a little bit of my hubby in him/her, something I can never have and that's whats really getting to me ... hubby got cross with me about this last night and I think hes still harbouring a grudge today over it!    xxx

Congratulations btw Mandy on your good news - lovely to hear of happy endings x


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## wanttoflyaway (Feb 2, 2012)

Tulipwishes said:


> Wanttoflyaway, I can feel how hurt you are feeling from reading your post, It is just not fair is it?
> 
> I cant offer much advice, but from experience of one of my brothers wife recently having a baby and another brothers wife due in November I know how much it can hurt, Strangely the pregnancy part didn't affect me as much, it was when my nephew was born that it hit me more, but I love him to bits so it did get much better and I am sure that you will love your SS's child too.
> 
> ...


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