# age of adopters



## emm-anj (Nov 11, 2008)

I've sort of asked this question before  but perhaps not so bluntly:

how much does your age affect the age of children who will get placed with you?

I ask this for the following reasons:

1) all LAs seem to say it's very difficult to have younger ones placed with you (typically becuase their main priority is to try and place the "harder to place" kids)

2) I've noticed on here some very young ones adopted e.g. 28 - 32 year olds (I would class this as young to adopt)

3) we've been to 2 adoption info talks and I'd say about half couples in there were in their 30s, about 15% in their 20s and the rest early 40s.

Are you more likely to get younger children placed with you if you are younger? or what are the things that make you an attractive prospect e.g. lots of voluntary work with kids showing you've had experience looking after kids? 

how much do finances make a difference e.g. if you can prove financiall you are able to take a year off with the kids/more than a year?

are the LAs more concerned with the womans age or man's age or is it a jiont consideration? I ask because my DH is 4 years younger than me - I'm jsut thikning by the time we've been through all the courses and the HS, I'll be 35, he'll be 30-31 and by the time we arelooking to get a placemetn I could be 36 - but I guess he'd still be early 30s therefore younger (which I'm sure is seen as a bonus)

please can anyone get back to me if you have any answers or comments for me? thnks x


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## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

Hi Emma-Anj,

Well I am 31 and my DH is 37, so similar is to you two.

Our prep group had two couples in their forties, 2 in their 30's us inlcuded and one in 20's.

The couple in their 40's are going for a young child 0-2 no problem, the same as the couple in their 30's 0-2, they have both been told the same story that they may have to wait a bit it just all depends on matching and availability at the time.

I would try not to get caught up on the age thing.

We are hoping for 2 young ones siblings and have been told the same we may have to wait.  But we are prepared for that.

We have 2 friends that have adopted one is my DH friend through his father, he was in his late 50's early 60's and they have adopted a boy of 9, the boy was placed with them as a long term foster when he was 3 but as SS could not find a family for him and they dearly loved him they decided to adopt him. The other friend my friend has 2 adopted children she is in her late 30's and he mid 30's and they got 2 children under 2.5yrs! - so I would say joint consideration.

I know each LA is different on how they do things, I am in Kent, where are you based?

I don't know if any of this I ahve written will help or not, another thing you could do is speak to your LA about this?

There are lots of things that I can say to you about what we have done to make it easier for ourselves.  You can PM me if you like and I will try and explain.

Take care, lots of love,

mavis x


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi emm-anj

I'm no quite sure how to answer your question but from my experience with the LA I am adopting with there don't seem to be any hard and fast rules about age. The prep courses we attended were a complete mix of ages from mid/late 20's to mid/late 50's. My DH and I are 40 and 41 and we are adopting a child under 2, while the youngest couple we met are linked with a child just over 2 and the oldest couple are approved for children aged 0-4.
I don't think for my LA at least that age is the overriding consideration. The emphasis is much more on what you can and can't cope with, what sort of parent you would be, your experience etc and how these meet the needs of children waiting for adoption.

I think there used to be an unwritten 40 year rule where there could only be a maximum of 40 years between child and the youngest adoptive parent but I think this has pretty much gone now - (I'm sure comeone will correct me if I'm wrong.)

I have to say that in terms of finances the fact that I am able to take a year off work when our child has been placed has been seen as a huge bonus - but that may be in terms of the specific child we are adopting rather than the picture in general.

From my perspective I wouldn't get too hung up about age though.

Hope this helps a little
Love Crusoe
xxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

I was 33 when we started the process and there was one other couple on the prep course slightly younger, DH was 38, and we were considered to be young in terms of adoption.  We had a 2yr old placed with us when I was 34, nearly 35, and DH was just 40.  They prefer less than 45 years between you and the child BUT it is more important to get the right match rather than the exact age thing.  

The average age for children being adopted is 2yrs old.  All agencies will try and push you to have older children, ie 5 and over, as there are fewer adopters wanting this age range, but stick to your guns and you will get pre-school children.  Out of all the people I know who have adopted, quite a lot, I only know of one couple that had a almost 6yr old placed but that was the oldest out of 3 siblings, the youngest being 18months.

In our case the fact we were 'young' had a bearing on us being chosen for DS as he needed young parents.  This I would guess is a rare requirement and there were other factors as well which influenced the SWs decision.  If there were 2 couples who could offer the same to a child and one couple was in their 40s and the other in their 30s the chance would be they'd pick the younger couple but the chance of all being equal apart from age is slim.  Next time round I will be 36, DH 41 and we will be approved for 0-2yrs.

Definately being able to take a year off work helps with younger children, also being flexible and taking longer if in the child's best interest.  Finances will not stop the right match happening but adoption allowances are not that great and I'd advise anyone to save as much as they can so they don't have the stress of money.  When you have the AO you can decide to return earlier if its within the 12 months, we had ours after 6months.  Also having a good support network and experience of childcare goes a long way with some LAs.

I really don't think you need to worry about your ages at all.

Good luck
OT x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

Hi I agree that I think it depends on your LA but at our LA the average age of adopters is 41 and so at 35 we are considered quite young! 

I think that when it comes to matching your experience, hobbies and personalitys are definately taken into consideration.

I know that my Mum at 53 is far fitter than I am as she is a marathon runner and trains everyday!

Good luck


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

As the others say I wouldnt worry about the age thing as LA's all look at things differently. 

Dh and I were 27 when we were approved as foster carers ( one of the youngest in the county) and I was 31 when we went to panel for K in October. 

Some LA's like there to be no more than a 40 yr age gap between parent and age of child when they are placed but it does depend on the LA

 with your journey 

x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hiya,
we were matched to a 10month old baby girl, I was 36 at the time and dh was 38, we were considered young and was part of why we were considered cos everyone else they had looked at were in there forties!, most of my friends who have adopted have adopted under 2's and are in their early forties the oldest I know was 46 and she got her AD when he was 7months old.

Hope this helps

Dawny


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

we are young adopters - both under 30 at approval and now our boys are here we are aged 26 and 30....... 

however - we were approved aged 0-8 and turned down for children before we found our boys. the reasons given were nothing to do with our age (but religion/previous experience   ) and upon asking the children we were turned down for went to 'older more experienced' couples  

so there is no hard and fast rules - at your age i wouldn't worry to be honest   under 40 is 'young' to adopt  

as 'young active' adopters we have taken 2 children with disabilities as we felt that we could deal with all the challenges life will throw at our boys - so please don't feel like all 'young young' adopters out there will be first on the list for healthy babies  

ritz 

ps - our finances were barely looked at - we said i hope to take a year off - and that was about all was said


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Good to hear age doesn't count against us "older adopters"  

A young at heart (if not body!) CG xxx


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## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi me and DH are 42 and 43 respectively. We are approcved to adopt 1 child 0-4. We have definately been given the impression by our SW that there are littlies out there for us and that we stand just as much chance as anyone. Like the others have said i think that the 'right match' is more important.


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi, I am 48, dh is 40, we have just had a child placed with us who was 18 months at time of placement.  We were approved at panel for one child aged 0-3.  We are financially secure and I don't work.  We are both fit and healthy, although I am classed as obese and I had to lose 1.5 stone during the home study to show commitment.  We don't smoke or drink and are vegetarians.  We have a birth child aged 7.  It took us almost 4 years from making initial enquiries to having our son placed with us.  On our preparation course we had single adopters, couples in their 20s, couples in their 30s and couples in their 40s.  We also had a muslim couple.  Adoption brings forward all sorts of people.  I wouldn't worry.  If you want a young child you will get there in the end!  Hope this helps.


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