# Criminal record



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hi everyone 

Looking for a bit of advice and reassurance here. Will try and keep it short 

When we had Sw out to vist us she asked if we had any criminal records I said no my df says he had been banned for speeding bout 15 years ago.. 
So because of that she wants us both to do a disclosure.. 
Df comes back but there is something on it from 1995 which he totally forgot bout !! Nothing else was it, he got a fine for having a hammer shaft in his car but it was for work it was in the back of the car, it was all pure innocent and as soon as he relised it was on we told the sw and she seemed ok 

They also mentioned our weight we r both a wee bit overweight 

Months later we do prep, we r in a diet df has lost a stone I have lost bout half stone we have been losing weight every week for a bout a month 

So we r waiting to hear when we can start home start and we get asked to go in for a meeting with Sw and get manager 

Omg it was awful, I cried 
They have brought up df offense from 1995 and can't believe how he can forget bout it basically calling him a liar !!! 
Mentioned that they thought that df would have lost more weight by now and why we have. Only started losing weight now ?? 
We explained that the end of last year was very stressful as I was unwell, I had an operation and was only feeling 100% this year
They said there is to much stuff that we haven't been honest bout and we haven't lost enough weight !!! 
But they r not sure if they will take us to home start as we might not get to panel !!
Df forgetting the offense was an honest mistake and we r now losing weight 
I feel they r being unfair 
We r in Glasgow 
Any advice would be great I'm so worried 
Diane


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi Diane,

I didn't want to read and run but perhaps (after reading it again) you should think about changing agencies?

They seem to have made up their minds about you, and sometimes that is difficult to overcome.  Use the time you have to lose more weight and then apply to other local agencies.

Paul xx


----------



## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

I would definatley look for another agency. I had enquired with 3 different ones. One said that they would not take me on for at least another year (various reasons). But with a different la they took me on, and have a lo that has been home 8 months now. And none of the reasons that the other la had issues with were a problem. 

Obviously i don't know how much you weigh, but if you can show that you are active, and have a healthy diet. And are trying to loose weight, i don't see what problems they would have


----------



## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

I understand why people are suggesting approaching another agency but it sounds like you have already started the process with your current agency. A new agency may speak to your current agency about what they perceive has gone wrong.
With the fine your df received I don't think the fact he has received a fine is the issue it will be because he hasn't disclosed it that is the problem. Although to be fair I can't remember what I was doing 12months ago some days.
.
Sit down, go through all the points they have raised and make a list of the positive points you can take from it. You may not have lost as much weight but you've lost some which is a plus. What did you df learn from the fine and how would he help a child if they got in trouble with the police.
.
Ring another agency and explain your position and see what they say.

Good luck


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

This BMI thing is a stupid reason to stop people progressing, there must be thousands of parents who are overweight yet their children are fine.

I was a little overweight when we started the process, and at 5'8 and just under 14 stone you could certainly see it.  
However, since placement I have lost more than a stone and 2" from my waist.  

We have unintentionally changed two very important factors
- we now never eat rubbish (crisps, chocolate, biscuits) in front of LO, as she'll only ask for it too. 
- we exrecise far more than we ever did previously, I must be walking at least 2+ miles more per weekend.

And as I have a mobility disability I have to say it's improved my stamina and the pain has decreased!

Look, show them what you have come from in just 1 month, and perhaps set some achievable goals each month - quit the rubbish, take up a new sport, do anything that gets you out and about more, give it a few months and see what they say then after you've achieved these goals.

Paul xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Diane what a rubbish situation I really feel for you. I completely understand how something so long ago is easily forgotten but I do also see how from SW's point of view it will look like you have lied. I think the best way to go is to be really apologetic and empathise overly with their point of view. Explain that you totally forgot again but also say that you do really understand how from their point of view it looks like you have been deceitful and you really want to build trust between the two of you again. Be incredibly apologetic and willing to do what they want from you to put the situation right. Unfortunately some people do try and get away with lying so it is hard for SW's not to assume the worst when these things happen.

I'm not ruling out going to a new agency but they will have to discuss why you moved with your current agency at length. Me and DH had an initial telephone interview with another agency so we could attend their open evening. We also attended an open evening for our agency and decided we preferred them so applied with them. However even with that minimal contact they contacted the other agency and discussed us to check they had no concerns etc. It's a requirement of the system as far as I am aware. 

Good luck whatever you decide but personally would try grovelling and willingness to  agree and meet targets - even if it does really annoy you to do it (which it would me.)


----------



## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Diane I am Glasgow and both me and dh overweight. In all honesty they were not really that phased. Happy that we were trying to loose a bit of weight. I think the issue is the disclosure thing. I agree with Diy Diva and grovel and showing willing to do whatever they want to make the situation right.

Good Luck.


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hiya all 

Thankyou for all ur comments. 

I'm just wondered that we don't get to stage 2 because of this. Which would be unfair as my df really did forget all bout it and the speeding offence didn't even show on his disclosure which he told them about. 
I don't think they believe us as my sw said I find it very hard to believe that you can forget something like that !! Basically calling us a liar.. 

They knew bout it before we did prep and they didn't mention it to us again til now !!! We done prep in jan, so why bring it up again now and why not before or during prep !! 

I think we will have to grin and bare it and say what we think they want to hear, 
Seems to me that if u r too out spoken and speak your mind, they don't like that !! 
We feel like we r just going to be there wee puppets 

But the way they spoke to us was very harsh, they were treating us like children

Df is a lot more laid back and quite quiet, where I'm quite a strong private person so think I will struggle with home start  and I feel like I'm we should both be able to speak our minds without being frowned at 

I think they are just testing us, 
We r good loving people who just want a family


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Being a strong private person on planet adoption doesn't really work - my wife is very similar, whereas I'm more laid back and open.

Yes, you need to be assertive but you also just need to do as they say at least until you are approved - then you can start kicking up a fuss and demanding action (we did).

I probably is a test, we seem to get tested everytime our SW visits - testing that we don't punch/report her.

Paul x


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Thankyou Paul 

U r so right 

I emailed my Sw last week asking if we could have a meeting ASAP and I suggested today and they never even got back to me !!
How rude is that 
Anyway it's my bday today and I'm not working so going to enjoy my day 

Thankyou everyone xx


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hi
I emailed my Sw on 19march asking for a meeting ASAP so we can move on I suggested the 25 march 

But I got no reply and still haven't heard a thing 
Do u think I should email again or wait for them to contact us  

Time is precious


----------



## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Perhaps ring?


----------



## Maxi2 (Feb 27, 2014)

It's unbelievable how these people can treat u.  We had been turned down for adoption after we disclosed dh offence which was over 12 years ago.  Unbelievable. I have so much resentment towards this system. And then they wonder why there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted.  These gatekeepers need a shake up.  Sorry, but it makes me so angry


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Maxi2 said:


> It's unbelievable how these people can treat u. We had been turned down for adoption after we disclosed dh offence which was over 12 years ago. Unbelievable. I have so much resentment towards this system. And then they wonder why there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted. These gatekeepers need a shake up. Sorry, but it makes me so angry


Have you tried a VA - they may be less strict/mhave a more open attitude?

Please don't just give up because of the attitude of a few.

Sending love and hugs, Paul xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I'd telephone I think good luck x


----------



## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

I am so sorry for you, Diane!  
What the heck is wrong with the SWs in the UK??   DH and I didn't have a stable job in our homecountry, an important requirement for adoption there, so we moved to the UK. Here I don’t work, but DH has a stable job, and yet we cannot adopt because we have been told by a social worker that they "don’t need another white couple"   and, when we pointed out that we didn’t care if our kid was white, black or the color of the rainbow, we have been told that "a white couple cannot teach a black kid to be black".   What Crazy and racist!  
Best of luck to you, Diane!


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Evening all 

It's been just over 3 weeks since our meeting when they tore us apart. 

I emailed then the very next day asking for a meeting ASAP so we know what is going to happen next but we got no reply 
We have still not heard a thing !!! 

Thinking shall we contact them again or just wait patiently


----------



## Treaco (Mar 10, 2005)

Diane can't believe they haven't been in touch with u. I Would say contact them and find out what is happening. Glasgow families for children r so bad, we had a problem that arose from ds getting into a bit of bother at school and they have come down on us really hard because of it, further visits and questioning, further references and panel put back. It's never ending with them.xx


----------



## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

I would ring them.....three weeks is a while!


----------



## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Just my tuppence worth but GlasgowCC don't have a great rep. There's plenty of other LAs around you so I'd be tempted to have an early chat and discuss what's happened and if they'd be happy up accept you? Onwards and upwards. Don't let a few biased cold hold you back from your family x x


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hiya

Just feel like if we do get in touch they will hold it against us but I really don't understand why they can leave people in limbo like this ? 
The process takes long enough with out them adding to it !!! 
We attended the info evening last May and only completed prep the end of jan !! 
Feel like we r not allowed to question them !! I will give it til Tuesday by then that will be 4 weeks


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

The fact that you still have home study to go before approval panel, and this is how they treat people - I'd be very worried what the future would hold if you carried on with them.

I think the best thing would be to write-off the last 6-9 months and start afresh with a new agency.

Call Glasgow CC tomorrow and demand an answer, if you don't get one ask to leave.


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hiya 

If we do that will the new va ask to see anything from glasgow City council ?


----------



## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

My aunt knows a couple that went through St Margarets in Glasgow last year and adopted a newborn who was only days old. I think they are run by catholic church and the couple in question are both very religious. I think they give preference to married couples who will raise child in catholic faith but not sure that was just what someone had told me.

I think you really need to speak to Glasgow to see where you stand as cant stay in limbo like this. I do think that you should even phone around another few agencies and speak to them, explain what has happened and see what they say. Any agency will get full info from Glasgow I believe as you have started process with them so you will need to give them full info of everything that has happened.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Diane71 said:


> Hiya
> 
> If we do that will the new va ask to see anything from glasgow City council ?


Probably, so inform the new agency from the start - at the initial interview if you can, and try and laught it off too. Tell them what your husband learnt from this event in his past - like he hasn't been in any trouble since.

I can't see a new agency holding it against you, expecially if Glasgow CC have such a reputation the agencies are sure to know about it too.


----------



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Good morning all

Well we finally heard back from my sw after 4 longs weeks, I called them and she says she was going to be calling me today !!!! 

So we have a meeting 2 Moro at 5pm with sw and her manager 

I'm so worried and scared that they r going to tell us that they r not going to take us to the next stage 

I have typed up the things I want to say but not sure if I should use it maybe just try and remember what I want to say... 

Df doesn't seemed as worried as me I don't want to get upset like I did last time I started crying when they mentioned our Ivf and my miscarriage that I had in 2011 

Any advice or tips would be great xx

D x


----------



## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Hiya. No advice, but I just wanted to wish you luck for your meeting. Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Good luck x


----------



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Best of luck Diane
Don't worry about getting upset, if you do you can just explain that it's because this is important to you. 
Hope it goes well for you x


----------



## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Hi Diane , hope your ok ! Ive been in the same situation as yourself. My DP didnt think he had any convictions on his disclosure form and thought it was spent seeing as it as over 24 years ago. But they called took us through 2 prep courses and this lasted 6 months until they decided not to take us onto stage two. It wasnt just the disclosure they wasnt happy about they had a list of crap excuses such as support network and the manager didnt even know I worked in childcare. Plus they were not intrested in me only my DP's past , I wasnt even looked upon.

We are going to try another agency and prove that we are determined to be good adoptive parents. We both wish the way we were treated that a formal complaint against them should of been made but at the same time we feel its a waste of time, when we can be moving on


Stand up for what you and your partner believe in and seek another agency .I wish you all the best xxxx


----------

