# Different feelings to DH



## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi everyone, 
I wondered if there was anyone else out there who has been or is in similar position to me?
We are 6 weeks from panel but have already seen 2 profiles we can't stop thinking about. Thing is one is a very young pink and the other is 2 brothers 1 and 3. 
I can not stop thinking about the brothers. I think about them every day. I could easily adopt them tomorrow but DH wants a young child. He can't stop thinking about little pink!
We are both being very sensible about it and have long conversations about our feelings and it's been good to talk it all through... All the pros and cons. By the time we are approved chances are that neither child will still be up for adoption anyway!
Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation? If so what did you decide in the end and how did you reach a compromise?
I think because I teach reception it's easy for me to imagine parenting a toddler but my DH is finding it hard to see this ( although he is very lovely and open to discussion!)
Xxx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Lorella,

Just my two penneth, but I don't think this is a compromise situation.  If one of you isn't sure about a match, then it probably isn't right.  You need a match that both of you are happy with.

Good luck at panel and I hope you find your family soon.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks a lot Wyxie,
Yes we have both said that we would never go with a match that both of us were not 100% behind and respect each other for that. 
I am just hoping that once we are matched and start looking at profiles properly we will both fall in love with the same profile ☺  
I am sure we will but in the meantime doesn't help me get the two little boys out of my head 😊
Xxx


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi Lorella

I can't comment or help on you and DH having differing opinions on profiles but I can definately sympathise with not being able to stop thinking about the profile that you saw. We were told about the boys that are now our match when we were going through HS, although we didn't see photos or their files, just SW telling us we were already marked as a potential match! It was hard to put the boys out of my mind but I did as like you we reasoned that by the time we got approved they wouldn't be up for adoption anymore.....When we were approved we were matched, you never know, life has a wierd way of working out sometimes.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Lorella,

You may find that you both feel differently about profiles but when you get the CPR's you will both fall for the same child. The profile doesn't go into a lot of detail where the CPR does. And it's the little things like bm loves to cook (you may too) bf loves DIY (hubby may too) that may change your minds xxxx
If that makes any sense

Good luck at panel and your linking xxxx


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi Weemoofraz - thanks for your reply. I know what you mean about life finding a weird way of working itself out. I have just felt this pull towards them from the beginning. I think seeing the picture hasn't helped in this aspect! The older one is just like what I envisaged our birth child would look like so I'm thinking this could be influencing the way I am thinking. X

Hi Mafergal - yes I am hoping this will be the case and I am sure it will. We have seen a couple of example CPRs so know there is so much more detail in them. I think we are going to wait until we are approved and then if circumstances allow ask to see both CPRs and go from there. Thanks lovely - only 5 weeks to go! Starting to get a bit nervous! Great news on your adoption order Xxx


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

Hi Lorella - we had just the same issues. In fact, I started to wonder if we'd ever find a match that we both agreed was right! We looked at soooooo many profiles and there were loads I would have adopted without a second thought, but DH didn't agree (or vice versa). In the end though, we made a good team, as he used his head and did all the logical, sensible thinking - and I went with my gut instincts and we now have two beautiful children napping upstairs as I type  

The CPRs do make a difference, as there's so much more info and you may read something that you feel wouldn't be quite right in terms of a good match. We saw two profiles early on in our process too and I fell in love with both and couldn't stop thinking about one of them either. When I asked SW whether we could actually pursue them before approval, she said that she'd only shown the profiles as examples, to get us thinking, and she didn't know if they were still waiting for adoptive parents or not anyway. When we were approved (and had seen a lot more profiles since those initial two), we went to an exchange day and I saw the same profiles featured there, but the 'feeling' I'd had initially wasn't there anymore and we realised, after chatting with their SW for more info, that they wouldn't have been quite right for us anyway. I think there's a sort of excitement about seeing the first ever profiles and I think I got carried away with that. 

DH and I both said that if one of us felt a definite 'no' to a profile, then we wouldn't try to pressure the other into it. That said, we did see another sibling group very early on that I really felt a connection to and desperately wanted to proceed with, but DH didn't think they were right at all. It was really hard not to try to convince him otherwise and almost caused a bit of an argument! Wyxie's right though, it's not a compromise situation and both of you have to be fully behind whichever match you go with. We wouldn't have survived all the matching processes - and especially the intros - had we not both been fully committed to our children.  

I hope it all goes really well for you and you find your perfect match quickly


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks Dandlebean. It's good to know I'm not the only one having these issues 😊.  I think that we are a bit like that at the moment. DH going with his head and me more with my heart. Lovely to hear about your little ones. 
It's interesting what you said about your first profile being an example as I noticed that our SW watched me intently as I looked at it , watching for my reaction. 

I am very careful, when talking to DH, that I am not persuading him into anything when I talk about profiles as I would definitely not want him to 'settle' for a child just to make me happy. He wouldn't do this anyway I know, but I am very conscious not to put this pressure on him. I guess I used the wrong word as I would never 'compromise' with my DH over a child. I think what I meant was how did you finally agree? I guess we will just wait and see! I am sure it will all sort itself out and we will both fall in love with the same child! 
Have a good weekend
Xxx


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

I think it was just a case of looking at a LOT of profiles. I did get a bit exasperated, as I'm not the most patient of people when it comes to waiting for things I really, really want! It seemed, at first, like every child(ren) I liked, he didn't; but really, he was just being very sensible and cautious, whereas I wanted almost every LO we saw. The first one we both agreed with was a profile that was almost 'sold' to us at an exchange day. I fell in love instantly as the SW was telling us about this particular LO. I was terrified to even glance at DH, as I was convinced he wouldn't be as excited as I was - but I was wrong! He was crazy about him too. We weren't the chosen family for that particular LO, but it was almost like it broke some sort of barrier, because we agreed on loads after that. 

It's hard waiting and I found it a little frustrating that DH was so happy to wait when there were so many perfectly adoptable children right in front of us. However, I'm so glad now that DH said no to so many, or we wouldn't have our amazing DS and DD sleeping upstairs now


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks Dandlebean. I am not very patient either! Think it is def something I am getting better at though 😊
You are so lucky to have your DS and DD. I can't wait to be in your position xxx


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