# when do you decide to give up trying and to adopt?



## emm-anj (Nov 11, 2008)

I know this isn't an easy question; and it's mainly for anybody who has unidentified issues.

according to docs, I'm fine; DH has sperm that is in general ok, but he only produces a v small amount and it's highly concentrated.

we are going to try IUI - twice only.  if it doesn't work we're back to square one.

so do we just carry on trying, e.g. FOREVER on the basis it may or may not happen or do we say "ok, enough's enough, we will make the decision to adopt?"

how did any of you make that decision? thanks


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

When wanting a family is more important than chasing a dream to be pg......

We definately have male factor and immune issues and went through years of icsi before deciding to move on to adoption, some people don't 'need' to do any form of treatment before deciding to adopt.

Though you need to be 100% commited, there is nothing stopping you from continuing to try naturally, women do fall pg during the process and after placement though generally unexpectedly rather than from planning or commited trying.

Good luck
OT x


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## Diz74 (Jan 1, 2007)

After 4 miscarriages we decided enough was enough - the heartache was too much.  I think we gave up when my heart broke in two - it felt like it anyway.


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## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

We had 3 attempts with iui which didn't work and then moved onto ivf, we had one attempt which did produce 2 good quality eggs which were put back but unfortunately didn't take and then the 2nd attempt had to be abandoned as the quality of my eggs are poor. so we decided to move onto adoption. we were approved in march 2008 and are unfortunately still waiting more than likely due to wanting a baby.

To be honest i think you will know if and when the time is right to move onto adoption, the process from starting training to being approved was 6mths for ourselves.

Good luck with what you decide.

Nicola


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

It's so hard to know when to give up but after 9 DE cycles (8 of them text book perfect) and a m/c we just felt we had tried everything and had to move forwards in a different direction.

For us it was important to have really given IVF everything we had so that we wouldn't sit back in years to come and say "wish we had tried that" or "if only we had done x."

I have to say although I was sad to give up it was actually a bit of a relief too and I was able to claim some of my life back.
Adoption has been tough but it has made us a family and we had really lost faith that infertility treatments would ever do that for us. 

I do agree with OT as well it is about recognising that it is not just a baby or a pregnancy that you are seeking but a family ...

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Crusoe
xxx


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## Lizz (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi 
We had 5 cycles in total with one resulting in a m/c and then followed by a biochem. We had decided after the m/c to give it one more go and then move onto adoption. We just felt that we were backing a 3 legged horse and while it started out as wanting our own biological child we realised that we wanted a family more and could keep going at the IVF but still end up without a family and more heartache.
It was a relief to have made that decision, though not an easy one!!
I feel that we are living our lives again and have just been approved to adopt. 
I think for me personally it was accepting that I wasn't going to go through the whole being pregnant and holding my 'own' baby that enabled me to make the decision.

Good luck

Liz  xx


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## L456 (Sep 2, 2008)

Hi,

Me and my DH are one of those couples that decided the need to be a 'parent' was greater than wanting a child of our own.  We started on the route to see a specalist but decided not to follow through with the appointment.  Because of some of the earlier results of DH have low count and mobility we started looking into adoption and the more we read and looked into it the more it started to feel the right path for us.

We have no idea as to why we cant have children and yes it still hurts when friends and family become pregnant but we have come to the conclusion that it is not the 'having a baby' bit which is hard, it is in fact having to watch them as a family afterwards which hurts the most.

But this is us - the decision is a very personal one and what is right for us is not right for others.

I hope that you have the outcome that you so dearly want - whatever that may be  

xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Emm you have my sympathies as we were unexplained, apparently nothing obvious with either of us.  We spent 7 years with the NHS being tested (had to wait 14 months for a lap & dye  ), Clomid, follicle stimulation, IUI.  We actually looked at adoption then but the SW said that we needed to be sure in our own minds that we were happy with where we were and happy to stop ttc.  We realised we weren't, moved house got some money together and started private IVF.  When that didn't work we did ICSI from which I did get pg but had a missed m/c.  It was a rough one and I was in hospital for the weekend which made us seriously think about going again.  We had some embryos left so we did FET but that failed.  After 9 years we were still without a family.  We had spent a lot of money and as I was also almost 41 at that time the odds were stacking up against us so we decided then to go for adoption.

I was never bothered about being pg just wanted to have a baby.  I was lucky enough to get my children at a young age (DD was only 7 months) so I have experienced having a baby to some extent.  I still get broody occasionally but that is just because time flies when you have chiildren, you want them to stay little but they grow up so fast.  My Dd is now an independent pre-schooler and not the baby I used to have to cuddle to sleep.

Giving up if tx to move onto adoption is a very personal decision and a difficult one.  Good luck with whatever you choose.

Cindy


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

I am in east of england and they have just implemented the NICE 3 cycle guidelines, so if it gets to it, we will probably go that far, and if that fails, then will look to adopt.

Being a parent is the more important thing, being pregnant I am not that fussed about, although would be nice, but I would love to have them from day one.

If it was more like America here where people actually are linked with people wanting to give their baby for adoption, and you got to go through the pregnancy etc with them, then I think we would probably mae the decision to stop earlier, but I really crave that newborn stage


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