# Been Away & Returning



## wishingforanangel (Feb 6, 2009)

Sigh....I been away for a long time....over a year. I am pretty sure my road to motherhood is over but I guess I don't know how to let go. Not helping that my depression is kicking me in the behind again. But I'm glad many of you single ladies have managed to stay on board on continue on the board wherever you are in treatment. 

I guess I'm confused and I don't really know what I want any more. Do I adopt or try for surrogacy. I can't afford either at this point. Or do I just let go. I am not devastated that I'm not a parent but just was hoping for someone to be important in my life...something meaningful...

I just don't even know if I should be back on the board much less if I'm welcome as I have been in and out....

I guess I need suggestions but I don't know on what...Sorry if this is a confused post...


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

wishing - I'm exactly the same if I'm honest.  Not sure where I quite fit and not undergoing any treatment at the moment - not sure if I ever will.  Don't really contribute any more as not using OE or having IUI and most who posted when I first joined are now mums.  
Yes I'd love to be a mum, that yearn will never go away - but am also realistic too.  



And - you're always welcome   


Take care Tis xx


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Wishing -    so sorry that you are so sad and having such a difficult time  .  Glad you have posted though, of course you are welcome here hun, it doesn't matter how much or little you post     

Thetis - sending you a    too hun.

Some1

xx


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Sending you hugs wishing...no words of wisdom. Of course you should be posting here if you want to, you are part of the group 

Thetis...sending you lots of love too.

Wish there was something useful I could say or do.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Wishing - I did start this thread a while back for those of us who don't really know where we are or what our next steps are:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=289152.0

Take care xx


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Big big     for Thetis and Wishing.


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Wishing, Thetis,     You're both members of our singles tribe - never doubt it.  


A-Mx


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Hi Wishing. 
I do know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm very much in the same boat - wavering as to what to do and now feeling like drawing a line under it all. A few weeks ago I decided to have another cycle and agreed that I would ring my clinic at the beginning of September to start the ball rolling. I haven't made the call and just feel very lethargic about the whole thing right now. 
I spent a year in the adoption process before ruling it out and (my understanding) is that surrogacy is pretty much a no go option for a single woman due to the legalities.
It is miserable not knowing which way to turn but I do believe that, in the end, we all make the decision that's right for us. It does also help to draw comfort from the fact that there are others in the same boat.


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## wishingforanangel (Feb 6, 2009)

thank you for the replies...it's comforting to know that I'm not alone but feeling sad that we are in this situation. in spite of it all this seems to be a lonely road to be on. 

violet66...

I don't know if you are up for surrogacy in the United States but it could work for you but it will cost a lot...is surrogacy for single women in the uk illegal?

thetis - thanks for being the first to reply as I know this group is a friendly bunch I honestly didn't think I would get a reply.   for being a little lost too....


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

wishing - it's not illegal just very contentious - especially as I would need donor eggs and donor sperm and, therefore, have no genetic link to the child. So, should the surrogate change her mind then I would have no claim on the child at all. 

And, given that there is no genetic link, the surrogacy would be treated like an adoption. So I would have to apply to adopt the child and follow the same procedures. Again, with no guarantee of success. 

It's too uncertain (and costly) for me to consider


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

just wanted to send some    to thetis, wishing, violet and anyone else in similar situations
my thoughts are with you, I wish there was more I could do than send thoughts and   
Suitcase
x


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Wishing, sending you and all those who have replied to you here a big   .  


Anyone can feel a bit lost or displaced at any time in life and its important then to connect in with those who have the potential to understand.  There'll always be tribeswomen who can help you out ...


I hope your path forward becomes clear to you soon.


 
Maya


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

I know it's not much help, but just wanted to send more hugs to wishing, Thetis and Violet     
GIA Tooxx


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## wishingforanangel (Feb 6, 2009)

violet66 - sorry to hear that the surrogate could change her mind about letting go of the baby. here in the states you would set up a legal contract so the surrogate can't change her mind. she would have to let go. or at least that seems to be how it works here in California. its just crazy expensive to do in the States. 

there is no easy solution is there....  and I'm no madonna or more specifically i'm not rich enough to afford to adopt or do surrogacy here in the states. wishing i had some answers...

thanks for the   too from all of you


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Violet66 said:


> wishing - it's not illegal just very contentious - especially as I would need donor eggs and donor sperm and, therefore, have no genetic link to the child. So, should the surrogate change her mind then I would have no claim on the child at all.
> 
> And, given that there is no genetic link, the surrogacy would be treated like an adoption. So I would have to apply to adopt the child and follow the same procedures. Again, with no guarantee of success.
> 
> It's too uncertain (and costly) for me to consider


I have also looked into surrogacy but as an intended parent to apply for a parental order you need to have a genetic link (eggs or sperm), it is complex as the law doesn't recognise that there are single women who need assistance to become a parent through surrogacy- I don't see it different to needing DE and DS but the UK law does!!!!!


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## wishingforanangel (Feb 6, 2009)

is there a way to fight for the law to be changed in the UK in regards to surrogacy and single woman?

i prefer surrogacy myself but I would need to find people who would be kind enough to do what I ask without charging my arms and my legs....sort of why I almost preferred to do surrogacy in the UK but with no genetic link to my child and being american....that would never have worked i suppose.

hence my confusion and stress of what I do now especially since I don't have much more time to try any more to become a parent. I honestly don't want to be a parent with an infant when i'm in my mid to late forties.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

wishing you can write to your MP and lobby for justice-also ask Natalie Gamble lawyer for advice as she lobbies parliament on surrogacy issues and has been successful in changing some aspects of surrogacy law


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## wishingforanangel (Feb 6, 2009)

jj1 - i wouldn't have an mp because I'm American who prefers the Brits approach to fertility in terms of HFEA and doing things for altruistic reasons then for money. Surrogacy would cost around $100.000 at least with another $50,000 or so for donor eggs, donor sperm, cycling two women, etc.

i'm pretty sure my Congress will not interfere with your government, especially on infertility and the rights of single women. maybe your idea of contacting Natalie Gamble is a good one. Is she a member of community or these boards.


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