# Arrrgh! Mother-in-laws!!!!!!!!!



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Apologies in advance, but I need to vent this somewhere!!

I get on really well with my M-I-L generally and appreciate everything she does and has done for us... but sometimes  

Firstly, it;s Missboo's birthday soon and MIL said she'd rather pay for her winter coat and school shoes than buy her toys. I appreciated the idea, as it'd obviously save me paying out for them.
But she said the other week she feels awful that they get presents from everyone else and she prefers to be more practical, so asked what little thing she could buy for Missboo for her to open on the day. I gave her a couple of cheap ideas and she was happy with that.
Only days later for her to say to Missboo, "You won't get a present from Nanna & Grandad, because we've paid for your school coat and shoes" - and there was no nod and wink to say to me she was keeping her present as a surprise, she was deadly serious and I was gobsmacked  
This make me angry but I didn't say anything to her. I thought well that's the end of that idea then, obviously the earlier conversation we'd had, had been erased from her memory, unless of course I'd imagined the whole thing!


This morning was a really big deal for us, Missboo's very first day at school. She was all excited and raring to go! She'd already received cards and a couple of goodluck presents, and I thought that MIL would surely pop a card through the door. Er no! When we didn't hear anything yesterday from her, I assumed that she'd call this morning to speak to her granddaughter before she leaves for school. Er, NO!
 If anything I was mightily disappointed today, especially considering while she was at school I got calls and emails from other relatives wishing her good luck for her school days and asking how she'd been this morning etc.

I sent her a text, saying how much Missboo had enjoyed her first day at school. I naively thought the phone'd ring and she'd be apologising for forgetting. No! A text reply saying "Glad she enjoyed it"

 

Absolutely astounded. I can't get over it really. Thankfully Missboo is blissfully unaware of the non-events. But I just don't understand how a grandparent who is so devoted and obsessive about a grandchild can bypass the first day at school as any other day.  

We took photos of Missboo this morning in her uniform and another of her with her cards and pressies, and these will be kept with her 1st day at school cards, for her memory box. To us it's a massive deal. Daddy went into work late just so he come with us to the school to see his big girl go in.

Is it just me?? Or is there something odd going on??
Even if she doesn't know that you can get "1st day at school" cards or just didn't want to bother, wouldn;t you assume Missboo might just get a simple phone call of support or a well done phonecall at teatime??


----------



## Felicity Wishes (Feb 18, 2008)

Everhopeful

Firstly, Huge Congratulations to MissBoo for being such a big clever girl on her first day at school, I am sure she looked gorgeous in her little uniform  

I am not lucky enough to have a little one of my own (yet  ) but I have two step daughters and have made a huge fuss over the little one's first day of school and the older one's first day at Comprehensive.  My Mam, Grandparents & Family all made a huge fuss of my first day of school with presents etc, I still have my Doll which I got on the first day of school it was a Boy doll with all the accessories and on my Step Daughter's first day I had bought her a Boy doll in a car seat all dressed in lovely clothes and I got her a lovely school bag and some pens & pencils etc, and the older one was bought a new bag, folders etc, a new purse, with money in and a little umbrella.  I was in hospital on their first day, but I rang them both on the morning and made DB bring them into the hospital on the night to give them the presents.  It is a huge thing and I am totally gob smacked that your MIL has not bothered to ring MissBoo, but saying that my MIL is the same, she does not react like I or my family do, some people are just strange.

I would perhaps try not to read too much into it and hopefully she will realise one day that her Grandaughter is very special and is growing up fast with huge steps like going to school etc only happening once!

Felicity Wishes xx


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks, I thought is was meant to be an ultra special day, and it was!!

I've actually seen MIL this morning on my way home from school and she didnt even ask how Missboo got on yesterday, I did say to her how smart and grown up she looks in her uniform and told her how clever she was this morning, remembering what her teacher had taught them about finding their own peg! We had a bit of a chat but she didnt ask anything about school or if Missboo had been excited or anything.
So I thought balls!! I won't bother filling you in on school stories if you're not going to show any interest.

On the birthday present front, she said she'd spent her set amount on the coat and shoes and so would be wrapping her up a little something she brought back from her hols! Don't get me wrong Missboo will be fussy with any present from her Nanna, but my god, is that so much more difficult to spend a couple of extra pound on a present that she'd really love?  

Oh, I give up!! I still don't understand the woman!! Maybe she's sulking because I've taken back my status as a parent and don't need her involvement as much anymore.

 Let her get on with it, I say!!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Oh Ever massive hugs 

I think we have the same MIL! 

dont let your MIL upset you- your baby girl is now growing up and your pride in her shows in your post

Massive hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

Now I can really sympathise here as I have one of those MIL!!  In fact FIL: is just as bad!!! lol

On a serious note, you must be so proud of your little one starting school and it is hard for us when they start school.................I broke my heart on both occasions of my children starting school.  I broke my heart in the play ground of dropping DS off but managed to wait until the car when I dropped DD off.  Its an emotional time and our hormones are every where!!  BUT that does not excuse the way your Mil is behaving, in fact I'd say she doesn't even realise what she has done...............just like my in laws!!

Our DD will turn 8 this weekend & we've arranged a small family party for everyone to get together, nothing big but a nice get together as we don't all get together!! 

My DH aunt has been on the phone already asking what she would like for her birthday & we know she'll spoil her rotten, she usually does.

My in laws on the other hand have not got a clue what she likes and will most probably go to M&S and buy her something to wear for an 8 year old...............which is the age she will be BUT she is a tall girl and needs age 9 at least & things have to be elasticated waist or adjustable waist as other wise they will just fall down!!   

You have my sympathies, just remember she's your little girl and you've made her first days at school very special!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks MJ and Andrea

It means a great deal to know I'm not alone. My DH is very annoyed by it and is close to saying something to her, but I'm pleading with him to not bother because it'll be me, she'll try and creep round when he's at work and I'll be stressed out even more trying to avoid her calls etc!! 

Anyway, we will make Missboo's birthday a very special day too (regardless of the terrible weather forecast!!) with or without her grandparents input!

Thanks again x


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

you are not alone on the odd MIL front, mine hasn't bothered seeing my son for almost 16 weeks and she only lives 20 mins away and is retired, has a car (i don't drive) but just isn't bothered with her only grandchild so i say    to her. the reason we haven't taken ds to see her (which we normally would do) is that dh has been working 9 days on 1 day off (2 if he's lucky) and trying to tile and fit a bathroom in his spare time  

mil was supposed to visit tonight but when her daughter (aged 39) got home from work she was tired so they are coming tomorrow night instead, but this has worked out better for me as ds is very tired tonight and i want him settled (he's in bed now but still babbling to himself) but fingers crossed he'll be asleep soon (which he wouldn't if people had been here pretending to fuss over him and cackling at his every move)    

pam xx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Ever;

It sounds like you made missboo's1st day very special. Pooh bear had his first day yesterday also and i was the only parent taking photos i even took on of his peg!!!! lol.

Enjoy these special momentsand sod everyone else.

PMBxx


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Pooh bears mummy said:


> Ever;
> 
> It sounds like you made missboo's1st day very special. Pooh bear had his first day yesterday also and i was the only parent taking photos i even took on of his peg!!!! lol.
> 
> ...


Thanks PBM!

I love the idea of a photo of Missboo's peg! I took a photo of her on her own in uniform, one with her sister, and one with all her pressies and cards, and also one of her stood next to her sunflower in the garden - my parents have a shot of me and my sunflower on my first day at school!! 

But I did think how nice it would be to get a shot of her outside the school and with her new friends! She came home with a name badge pinned to her - and her peg has the same colour and picture on it, so I might take a shot of the name badge!! LOL!
I think I'm going to jot a little diary of her first week at school - so that she's got that to look back on too! I hope they appreciate all the effort us mums are putting in!!

LOL


----------



## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

On the mother-in-law thing again -

My dad has been on a ventilator in intensive care for 4 days now - he is 100 miles away. We decided to take Little Bear and go and stay at my mum's so I could go and see dad and DH and DS could go to see the sea. We spent the mornings together going out places and then after lunch LB went up for his sleep and Mum and I went to the hospital. It worked well mum loves her grandson and he was a great distraction. LB was brilliantly behaved and had a great time bonding with his daddy in the afternoons. Can I just confirm that my dad has been ill fora long time and this was not completely unexpected Mum and I are upset but we are strong and able to continue as normal for LB.

DH spoke to M-I-L today who suggested that my mum's house was not the place for LB at this time. I do not drive, I wanted to spend time with dad but not stay away from LittleBear - this was the option. he has been a great tonic for my Mum and M-I-L can mind her own b***** business!!

xx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Massive hugs Shiv- i have to say i would do the same as you- if i go somewhere so do MY babies! LB is your son

Well i have my own MIL rant tonight - when  my DD started pre-school nursery my inlaws never said a thing and they knew (well MIL did) when DD started however my niece started pre-school nursery on thurs and we happened to be there when BIL/GF and their DS and DD came round and MIL was all "oh where is the big school girl" ect! its bad enough that my nephew is the fav grandchild and it shows! (he is the 1st boy after 5 grandaughters!)

My 2 take it in there stride and its more me (and DH at times) that it miffs!

Hey ho our children are OURS! so i say sod all the inlaws or people who miff us off!

xxx


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Shiv - sorry to hear of your Dad's illness and I send lots of hugs to you and your family.  
I completely agree, where I go, my babies go with me. We are their mums afterall - MIL certainly isn't!!

MJ - I totally know where you are coming from on this.... I am in a very similar situation at the moment, which could be why my MIL shows very little attention to my two babies. She has always been a million times worse than over the top when it comes to Missboo, and yet suddenly other children in the family have set her attentions elsewhere, well   to her!!


----------

