# Does bump envy ever go away?



## Penelope Pitstop (Oct 24, 2010)

Hi,

I wasn't sure where to post this but hoping there are other people feeling the same as me. 

As you can see from my signature I have two gorgeous boys, both from Ivf. Before we knew we needed treatment we always said we wanted 3 children but when we realized we needed Ivf we just wanted to blessed with one. Now my youngest is 18 months I find myself with awful bump envy and I still get jealous when someone else announces their pregnancy or new baby arrival. I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm not truly grateful for my children as I am and I treasure every second with them but I am beyond broody for another baby. If you try and discuss this with anyone I either get told I'm mad for wanting more children or I get told I'm being greedy. We're not in a position to go for treatment at the moment and I'm worried that by the time we are it may be too late as I'm nearer 40 than I was when we tried for our boys. 

I guess I just thought that the jealousy and bump envy would go once we'd got our dream but in fact it seems to get worse for me after each baby is born!! 

I really hope my post doesn't offend or upset anyone, I'm just hoping that there are others out there experiencing this.


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Hiya, I'm still cooking my IVF miracle (possibly not much longer, a little bit overdue now) but I almost don't want the pregnancy to end - because we can't afford more treatment, this is the only pregnancy I'll ever have. Obviously I'm still bumped up, but I'm already feeling pangs of sadness when talking to other women who say to me "make sure you get lots of rest before the baby comes because next time you'll have a toddler to look after and you won't be able to!" Like you, I know we are incredibly lucky to be in our situation, and I'm thankful for the woman who donated her eggs and the people at our clinic who got us here, but it is bittersweet.


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## KEH (Jul 22, 2014)

Penelope: I'm the same! I feel incredibly fortunate, lucky and blessed to have our darling little girl but we long to expand our family too and are just beginning on the journey to hopefully have a little sibling for her. Whenever I see a pregnant lady in the street I feel that pang of envy raising its head, I loved being pregnant and revelled in every minute (admittedly it wasn't without its worries of whether everything would be okay, I didn't dare take a moment for granted). When friends announce their pregnancy my (always genuine heartfelt) congratulations are tinged with such hope that I'll get to do the same announcement. My lo is almost a year and new mummy friends often discuss the right time to have another, I just wish and pray we will get to have another let alone the right time.  And MrsGorilla, it's a little the same here- I was sorting through all my lo's clothes she's outgrown and my maternity wear and as she reaches each milestone I'm so thankful but it feels very poignant as I worry we may not do the same again. All the very very best to you both, MrsGorilla with the birth ane meeting your little miracle and Penelope with your gorgeous boys and any future treatment too.


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I am over the moon with my boys, but my cousin just announced her third pregnancy and I felt a little bit jealous.  We are complete and I certainly don't want more.  

For me it was about how she decided she wanted a third and a few months later she was pregnant.  I do wonder how nice it must feel to naturally conceive and then share your news as a surprise.  As our family and close friends knew about our fertility treatment.

I still love looking at baby clothes and bits, but I am working now and we have a house that needs a lot of work doing to it, so I think that has helped us move on.

X


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Thanks KEH  Stacey I agree, it's that feeling of people having a control over their lives that we don't, it hurts. Other people are "normal" and we're not, in a way. 

Penelope, I hope we've made you feel less alone in your bump envy


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## Penelope Pitstop (Oct 24, 2010)

Hi, yes you have thank you. I totally agree, it hits me harder when people get pregnant quickly as are able to share their news as a surprise with friends and family whereas we have to plan ahead and it becomes quite a clinical process. Good luck to everyone on their journey whatever stage you are at and thank you for taking the time to reply xx


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## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

Another perspective on it is that I felt bump and new born baby envy for a long time after my baby was born. But now I wonder do all the hormones in your body play a role. Also being pregnant and having a new born brings a lot of positive attention and a feeling of specialness. It's this loss too that I felt and a longing to feel special again. I am going to try again soon but I don't feel that envy anymore, so it can pass


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