# Missing thread?



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Does anyone know where that thread that Nbr started has gone? Either there's something wrong with my screen or it's been removed. Why? 
If we can't say on this board how much it hurts being childless in a society where everything is centred around children and families, there seems to be something wrong! I thought that was the whole point of this board!
Also, I'm concerned about Nbr and hope she's all right...

Rowan

By the way, did anyone see that truly dreadful programme on Bio last night titled 'Extraordinary parents'? It kept me awake crying half the night. It is unbelieveable how some people treat their children!


----------



## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hi Rowan22

nbr1968 removed the thread this morning. She had mentioned a couple of times that she probably would at some point and if she feels more comfortable removing her thread then i think we should respect that!!

Amanda


----------



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

I was only asking... 

Just feeling a bit fragile today. This whole business is a bit too painful right now, especially after that programme last night and the one about older mums doing IVF. I thought this board was set up for support but if my views aren't welcome, I'll withdraw. I spent ages thinking about what I could say that might possibly help and I don't suppose it did, in the end but I tried. 

Nbr, if you're reading, how are you?


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Rowan,

Please come and join us on moving on general chat. I read your posts for Nbr and they were totally beautiful and heart breaking all at the same time. I am so sorry your having a bad day, we are all here for you sweetheart. I cannot write as wonderful as you but you have my love and support , please join us Lots of love and support Donna x x x


----------



## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Rowan

I am *so sorry* for removing the thread - the last thing I wanted to do was upset you  - I don't want you to feel that what you wrote did not help - it did - and I meant everything I wrote to you - about you being a special and caring person reaching out to a complete stranger like me and the others you tried to help aswell, even when you were hurting.

I am just feeling worse that's all - last night I hardly slept because I was crying all night and things just seem to be going from bad to worse - I removed the thread because I did not want to write another "me post" about how bad I was feeling (today is the seventh month since my son died), and everytime I saw that another person had replied I felt even worse - I know you were dreading your birthday and I hope that went as well as could be expected?

I know that sounds pathetic but it was like the thread I started kept reminding me every morning that today I felt just as bad if not worse than yesterday, and so my reaction was to just get rid of yet another reminder - head in sand!. I sort felt exposed - I know that makes no sense at all, but it's just that yesterday I started my day crying after reading the thread and was getting further and further behind i=with work and it just felt the right thing to do at the time!

I am so sorry that you had a horrible day yesterday - and that the removal made you feel worse! As Dhikki said, they do have a thread going where they are very supportive of each other and all seem very upbeat ladies. Dhikki invited me to join too, but I am just so low right now, that I just don't feel that I can join in at the moment.

Rowan, my parents rung me about that programme you were mentioning but I could not bring myself to watch it - yesterday I upset mysle reading on Yahoo about the Govt plans for paternity leave, so I know I would not be able to watch that prog!
Finally, Rowan, when you feel down like you did yesterday, maybe do what I did and start a thread to reach out. I will do my best to be there for you as you were for me - though i don't know if that's any consolation?  I am writing my thoughts down in a diary i have started for myself, because as I said I did not want to write another "me" post 

Hope that explanation helps just a little?

Nbr68xx


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Rowan and NBR, that is just what this site is here for, to help us all. A place where we can type away about how we are all feeling. You can post as many ME posts as you need to we all undersatnd.

The moving on general chat can be upbeat, but if you read through you will see that we all have very low days and we are there for everyone no matter what the mood is. 

I hope you both feel you can join us, every post is as valued as the next and there are a wonderful bunch of people who all help each other....... 

I offer my support and love to both of you don't feel bad ever for being hurt, and hurting  

Love as awlways Donna x


----------



## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Hi Dhikki

thanks for the reply.

I always read your thread (even though i don't post) so i can see that it is not all "moonlight and roses" - the problem is that you all seem to be able to talk about the ordinary things in life - those little things that bring you some joy - even if transitory or short lived. I am just not ready to join you because although I know you are all lovely and supportive, I am a bit like an emotional vampire right now and don't want to "suck" whatever postivity you have built up away from you all!

Rowan, you ok today?

Nbr68xx


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Nbr,

I totally understand how you feel, i too have been there even when i go quiet on here i am still reading! 

I know how it feels to be so desperate and low, and i know too how it feels to be worried about always bringing others on here down when my mood is on the floor. Which is more often than not. All i can say is you will no when you feel strong enough. 

I am doing my very hardest to be strong at the mintue, but waiting for blood results, facing losing my 5 souls on ice and the possibilty of having an hysterectomy and really, really never being a mother i hoenstly don't know how i am keeping it together, i dread the day i crash about it all and i am sure it is waiting for me just around the corner  

Maybe i should have been an actress, as i seem to be doing a lot of acting in my life just now!  

How are you sweetheart? I'm here for you and Rowan too x


----------



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Nbr,

Right, this is the first time I've had Internet access for several days! We have had no phone or Internet service, which is a bit awkward as I work mostly from home!
It's possible it could go down again any minute so I'm typing this frantically!
Nbr, I totally understand why you wanted to remove the thread and I might very well have done the same, if it had been mine. I was just concerned when I saw it was missing and wanted to check that you were OK. My query could probably have been better phrased but I was finding the day a bit hard and I was going down with some sort of ghastly virus that my husband had brought back from work. I certainly didn't intend to worry you at all! 
Yes, that programme was a little upsetting but not as much as the one I channel hopped to afterwards, which was all about fundamentalist christians in America and how they treat their children. (They were abusive, basically). At least the 'old' mother behaved like a mother and showed her child love, kindness and compassion. I have abuse issues in my own past so it wasn't very clever to watch it, really! 
How are you? How are you coping?
Please don't worry about bringing me down, I just feel that I want to help! Sometimes, it's hard to know what to say but I do want to say something. There's nothing worse than being in so much pain and feeling that nobody can even be bothered to respond. 
Keeping a journal is a great idea. I do it. Anyone reading mine would seriously think I had gone insane...! It's a great place to offload. Reading it, I know exactly when I fall through the floor. It's every 25 to 26 days, precisely. I wonder why that is!
Donna, I hope the blood tests bring good news. I would hate the idea of having to have a hysterectomy, though the periods can be so bad that I have thought about it. It's just that it would make everything so final. I hope you manage to get some clarity about what to do about your souls on ice. That's a wonderful phrase!
I have read the other thread but I don't think I have anything to contribute. I don't ride horses and stuff, though I did when I was little. (I think it's great that people do, by the way!) I just work and go for the odd walk if the weather's decent. In the spring, I'll do some gardening. Rather boring, really!
The birthday wasn't too bad. I had to work, which was perhaps a good thing because on this occasion, it was work outside the house. It even meant I had to interact with people! Again, probably a good thing. 
I am now in sight of 50. That is definitely not a good thing. It's not next year but it's not very far away.
How on earth did I ever get to be so old?!  
I think the other problem with the other thread is that everyone posting on it is so much younger than me!  
Right, I'll sign off now before the Internet goes down again! I'm not sure if it will or if it won't but it's probably best to be cautious. I think the fault is intermittent.
Look after yourselves,

Rowanx


----------

