# how honest with sw?



## TillyF (Oct 27, 2013)

So many people on here talk about their good relationship with the sw.
We are at the very beginning of our journey and I was just wondering if those who are more experienced would suggest being completely honest with the SW? I have had 5 mc and was thinking about adopting before my last mc, but we agreed to give it one more try, which didn't end happily. Also I have a birth child and didn't have a very good pregnancy or birth, which is another reason that I want to adopt. Do I mention this sort of thing or not? Do they prefer to hear that you want to give a child a loving home (obviously this is also true), rather than the my wants and needs as a mother?
Thanks.
T


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Tilly,

Sorry about your losses.

It's likely to be questioned anyway by your SW. Honesty is the best way. There's no shame in admitting that your wish to adopt is Bourne out of selfish reasons for wanting to start/add to your family. You'll no doubt have other reasons too but this is one of the reasons home study can be intense - it's very personal about you to help build the picture of who you are and what type of parent you can be to vulnerable children.

I hope this helps and good luck with your journey.
G x


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## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

Hi Tilly

I found that it was best to be honest in all aspects of home study as they ask you similiar questions throughout the process and you don't want to get caught out saying two different things at different times.  I'm sure your SW will understand your desire not to go through grieving again if you persued getting pregnant again and will in fact want to explore how you coped with the losses and it's taken as a positive as you understand about losses and will be able to help children to come to terms of loosing their birth families.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mott wanting to go through a traumatic pregnancy or birth. Good luck for your process xx


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## TillyF (Oct 27, 2013)

Thanks for your replies. I am sure you are right, just need to think about how I explain my feelings. Will also get my husband to read your comments.
T


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## happypenguin (May 8, 2013)

Hi TillyF

I would also say be honest. People arrive at the decision to adopt in many different ways. What you are describing will allow your social worker to see that you have been through some traumatic times, you have grieved for the babies that didn't make it and you have moved on and are ready to offer your loving home to a child waiting to be adopted.

There is nothing selfish and nothing to be embarrassed about, we all have a story too that we have chatted about, come to terms with and then put to bed and we all made it through the assessment.

Good luck


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Sorry for your losses  

It's so true what everyone says - honesty is he beat policy as honesty builds trust and trust builds relationship. Your relationship with your SW is so important not just through HS but throughout matching and placement as well. Te better he or she gets to know you - the real you - the better the process and the link to your LO will be.

They have seen it all and heard it all - and they are in this with you for a common objective - to place a child for whom you will be mummy x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

well said summertilly
yep honesty all the way..you will trip up somewhere if you try and fib your way through the process..its really important to get a good relationship with your sw..it will help you all the way through from beginning to end..by the end your sw will know you better than you know yourself if the jobs done right  


kj x


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Honesty all the way. People come to the decision to adopt from many different places & SW's know that & want to know how. Don't risk holding anything back, the process will get it out of you in the end. Your SW will speak to your references and potentially other family members also who could inadvertently say something very innocently. Good luck on your journey


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Defo honesty.  Social workers hate it when they think you are being less than honest.  Anyway, lovely, you are not being selfish any more than anyone who wants children is being selfish!  Good luck and sorry to hear about your losses x


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## TillyF (Oct 27, 2013)

Thanks to you all for your encouragement and thoughts.
T


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

From my experience so far, i would say yes , definatley be honest x


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