# Letterbox contact with bp



## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Hi Ladies.
Gosh I haven't been on here for b early 5 years since having our little monkey.
She is now 6 going on 16 and has been a fantastic adoption.
My only problem is bp.
Bm has had another baby girl which she has kept. 
Bf has had another 3 Children which have all been adopted.
BMW sent a contact letter on our first year,which she sent after we sent ours in ( settling in letter). Nearly 5 years on and we have had nothing from bf and nothing from bm since the first one. 
We have sent one every September as instructed also with pictures that looks has drawn. I sent BF letter this year stating that he asked for lethere box contact and as yet he has done nothing,so we said that if he does not write back he will not longer receive anything from us. I have had an email from our sw asking get to meet up about letter box contact. I have emailed back saying that ball is now in his court,and far as I know Letterbox contact is not legal binding.
Has anyone else on hereach had similar problems and what did u do. Lo has never been interested by bf and want even look after his picture in her life story book.
Any advice will be greatly  appreciated. 
Skyblu Xx


----------



## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Sorry for the mistakes  in my spelling, but typing on my phone.


----------



## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

Can't help re. Your question but you might want to consider placing this on the adoption uk forum where I know you will get lots of perspectives and advice. These boards are fairly quiet at the moment and do not seem to be attracting a lot of traffic. Hope you get clarity.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hiya! Glad all has gone well with your adoption, nice to see some blasts from the pasts!   I remember following your story when we were going through the process. We have had similar in that we have never had anything from birth dad. We don't think he's ever received them as they are kept on file and I'd be very doubtful of him bothering to go to the offices and collecting it. We write to BM, BF and 4 birth siblings. I type and print it 6 times and Little Pink is not encouraged to take much time on his picture... it doesn't feel much above and beyond what we are doing anyway. BM has replied 2/5 times and siblings every year (as the are long term fostered). If I was writing specifically to him, and separately, I'm sure I'd feel very much the same. I do think I'd continue to write just to say to Little Pink we always did our bit, but I wouldn't involve her at all as it could be a kick in the teeth for her with lack of reply, and it would be extremely brief. I would be interested in what the SWs want to meet for and their take on this. But I am super nosy!! Good for you standing firm xxx


----------



## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Hi Lolly,
Thank you for replying, I also remember you and congratulations on your miracle baby. I bet you were over the moon. I have to write to both parents separately as they are not together any more. He has never writem and it took nearly z year for local to have a picture of him for her life story book. He only met her once for about 10 minutes and that is it!!! She has face to face contact with her birth sisters and has gone well. One lives 10 minutes down the Rd it only becomes a problem when we bump into each other and then my love wants to go with her sister or the other way round which can be a pain. The middle one lives about 30 minutes away and in a different area altogether so we only see her when meets are arranged the other one comes over to play quite often and vice verse. I'm assuming your little pink has letter box contact because her siblings are in foster care?my love was in foster care with her siblings until she left, I don't think either of them would of coped at not seeing each other.
I need the letter box contact with bf on the head.
He really is a water of space. 
Thanks again for replying,it was lovely to here back from  someone from the past. Skyblu. Xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Ah thank you! Yes, little man was quite a shock and had a bit of a drama with him, but of course we wouldn't have it any other way now. My two are really so close and people always comment how alike they are! I just smile to myself and nod along!   Yes we have letterbox with siblings as they are fostered and therefore have monthly contact with BM. Little pink has never met them but SWs felt it was important they have a letter too as otherwise BM could say whatever and they wouldn't know if it was true or not. BM and BF are not together here either but as it's a news type letter I still copy it and just write Dear X at the top of each one. 
It sounds like other than this issue that everything else is going well. I'm so happy to read that! The sibling contact sounds really positive for all, they clearly have a great bond. As for BF, you've given him a chance to reply and have made your intentions clear, maybe that's enough now. If you feel so strongly, and he really doesn't give a monkeys, then draw a line? It's not binding, just a recommendation of 'good practice', he hasn't stuck to his side. He sounds very absent from much of her life story too so no great ties. We met BF and maybe that influences? I don't know. What I do know is that ours were due recently and I've not done them   And then again, maybe this will give him the scare he needs to reply for once....


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

skyblu - we are 9 years in with no reply after the first year....we continue to write each year with no input from the children. BM doesn't pick up the letter but it is kept on the childrens files, and if they ever request the files we want them to see that we kept our side of the agreement and wrote every year. 
We write a short letter saying they are well, happy, and the basiscs of what they did that year  

hope that helps...


----------



## Helend75 (Dec 9, 2012)

Not sure if it's an option, but we just write one letter which gets emailed to the letterbox team who then distribute it. Ours goes to I think 5 if not 6 recipients (mix of half siblings, grandparents, bp), not one of whom has written anything in response. If I were doing 5/6 individual letters I'm sure I'd quickly give up. Could you maybe provide sw with one brief update for them to pass to both parents, saving you some time & trouble.


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We have just written and sent our 2nd letterbox since lo came home 5 yrs ago -mostly because BM did a disappearing act so was fairly pointless but we do have regular email, post and skype contact with siblings (older and adopted together). We met up a few times too but have had a short break as LO was dealing with a lot of changes and not coping. Thankfully turning a corner and we hope to meet up again next year, as skype has been working well.
BD is an unknown. Personally I care more about the sibling relationship because that's where LO is at at the moment. I've included a picture he drew in the recent letterbox but not one he's specifically done for her as he'd really not cope with it right now.


----------



## dimplesforever (Aug 1, 2014)

I have never had a reply from BP (I've sent four letters so far).  I will continue to do it so that I can show my son that I tried.  I just send a piece of art work that my boy has done (not something specifically for them) and I don't involve him in contact at all.  In some ways it's quite nice having an annual record of his interests and development.  Don't get me wrong I hate doing it


----------



## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Hi all,thanks for your replies.
I have to write 2 different letters as bm has had another child which she wants to include in her letters. (  not that we have had any since love firts yr) and also her letters are totally different we are allowed to mention siblings in bm letters but not in bf. Sw wanted to come and speak to me today but told I have made up my mind and that the ball is now in his court. Unless he writes back all he will get is a card no letter just a card saying all is well located is fine and look forward to hear from you soon and if he does write back then we will start contact again. I have no interest in him whats so ever I have tried for local to look at his picture to which she says no I want to see pictures of my sisters and goes to the next page of her life story book she will look at bm for a few seconds.
Never know this letter I've sent by will be enough for him to write or he will never bother. 
Thank you all for your lovely msgs.x


----------

