# How do you find the Strength to keep battling this



## hopeful2012 (Aug 24, 2010)

I am having a really low point and really don't know how to pull myself out of it.

I have just started the treatment journey and have just finished 3 months of clomid with BFN.  I was so sure it had worked in the last month as AF was late and I had all the pregnancy symptoms.  I was so excited and felt so happy and calm - it made me feel content and like I was a long last whole.

However it was not to be - as soon as I had let these feelings and thoughts in I started to get the pre- menstrual bleeding that plagues me.

I am really struggling - I keep breaking into tears at work and feel so low that I can barely face getting up in the morning.

I feel so silly as I know so many people have been through so much worse and I should be grateful for any helpful comments and advice from people as to how to get through this and to keep strong and to just keep ongoing.

Hopeful.


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## stephb (May 14, 2010)

Hi Hopeful
didn't want to read and run. I am just about to start Clomid (today) but before when me & DH were ttc before i discovered i had PCOS and not ovulating every month was a BFN and i wondered if it was all worth it. I have a couple of friends that i have told and they have been a lifeline and also some of the posts on here have really really helped so you have come to the right place to find support. One thing that i have found that helps me is to take some time out just for me, even if its an hour's soak in the bath or a walk through the fields close to where i live.
I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way

Steph
xx


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## positivelyhopeful (Jul 22, 2008)

Good morning hopeful,


I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so low. If it helps your not alone, we all have our down days. Never feel silly about your emotions throughout this terribly hard journey. We are only human after all and infertility is such a terrifying, hard emotional roller-coaster!! 
I to have days were I can't stop crying and feel like it's just not fair.. I try to imagine that I'm holding my baby and looking into their big brown eyes. 
That will be me one day with the baby me and DH so long for and it will be you to!!   


Sending you lots of   


PH x


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

After 10 years on this horrible rollercoaster I have been in some very dark places indeed on more than one occasion. I felt so down after my negative cycle at Easter that I was clinically depressed and felt like I could not live like that any more, one way or another.
Losing my baby last year was completely devastating.

I do know how you feel, and it is best to try and stop these feelings escalating. I feel like a quarter of my life has been blighted by infertility.

I would thoroughly recommend books by Dr Alice Domar - Conquering Infertility and Healing Mind, Healthy woman.
I have just been on the Mind Body Course at the Bridge Centre based on the work. (you do not have to be a patient there to do the course).

It has completely changed by life for the better and I have just got a BFP!
There is lots of published evidence about how the techniques when practiced regularly can improve pregnancy rates. It is said that between 7 an 9 out of 10 patients who attend the course have a pregnancy within a year of completing the course.

My feelings were that I could not live like I was any more, so I had to do something. Even if I never got pregnant again, I would be able to cope with life. It has done that and more. Into the bargain I have 10 new friends who understand and support each other.

I completely sympathise - infertility is the most terrible thing


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## leelee blue (Jul 17, 2010)

So sorry to hear how awful you feel.  I know what you mean and sometimes telling those close to you is the most galling as they seem to only understand the very surface feelings and feel you should' pull yourself out of it'.  I found each day was different but did have several very down sections.  Reading some of the stories and journeys on here is uplifting as there are so many wonderful outcomes .
Sounds silly, but taking a walk - fast - helps my mood when i am really down.  Cry if you have to as you walk.  Music is always a great distractor of mood too. Failing that indulge in your fav food/film/book - but just dont be alone too long..   Sure you have heard all this and noone can really know what will work - but please know you will feel better..


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## jen747 (Oct 7, 2010)

Hiya,

I just wanted to say that reading your post, I completely understand. I am waiting for my first appointment at the Lister and finding it really hard. I think you can only understand once you've been through IF. People try to understand but have no idea how it somehow creeps into your thoughts even when you think you're having a good, happy day. When your body is telling you that you're ready and everything in you wants to have a baby nothing can take away that emptiness. 

I guess we just have to try and have hope and do what we can to keep smiling in the meantime....I find chocolate helps  

If you want to vent you're more than welcome to email or message me  

jen
-x-


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## hopeful2012 (Aug 24, 2010)

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding.

I am so glad I found this web site as you all truly understand.  Others try to be sympathetic but they just can't imagine what its like.

I am really interested in the course at the Bridge Centre and will look into that.

I have increased the amount of youga that I am doing and I find that helps with the mind body link. 

I am feeling a lot more positive now and keep telling myself that 2011 might just be my year.

Hopeful Hazel many congratulations on your BFP.  Its great to hear stories like yours - that despite adversity it can work.

Hopeful x


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## kitten77 (Nov 15, 2006)

oh hun, we understand and it is so very very hard.  you have a lot of good advice all ready from the other lovely FFers.

it is hard, but the thing is....you do carry on, cuz you have to.  i have no words of wisdom, i have been in some very very very dark moods, when nothing i can think about isnt IF related.  i have no coping mechanisium, i just pass each day, hour, min at a time....and it time, the mood lifts and even tho the pain never goes, it does get better.  

get that PMA back, im stuggling at the moment, but gotta think positive, we will have our baby.

sorry no help, but your not alone and wanted to give you a hug. xxx


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## Winegum (Jan 15, 2010)

Hi ladies

Thank you Hazel for the book recommendations. I am feeling like I need some help and guidance now. I'm not exactly sure why, but I have resisted counseling until now, but I am thinking about going, if nothing else, just to get some ideas for coping strategies now that I am in this for the long term.

This post caught my eye and I empathise with you all. I am also struggling at the moment with my mood changes - they never cease to amaze me. I think the emotional ups and downs are very difficult to deal with indeed. I have also been in dark places, but the next day I can feel positively breezy. One minute I am certain I will never get pg however hard I try, I am desperate for my life to move on one way or the other as soon as possible, the next moment I am determined to get my moment in the maternity ward, however long it takes and am commited to saving up for repeated, long term tx. Basically every aspect of my life, every thought gets this treatment - I am just one big mixture of strength, weakness, despair, hope, determination, resignation, sadness, happiness, regret, anger, insecurity, resolve, tears, smiles, hopelessness, frustration....the list goes on, all experienced with what seems like extreme intensity. As kitten says, we get through it because we just have to, we just do it, even though I marvel at myself sometimes that I do actually manage to repeatedly hold it together. Mostly I think that I won't get my success story, but I have to say that reading about other FFs success stories (including yours Hazel) _is_ inspirational, it's just incredibly hard to live through the months and years of the devastating effects of IF on your life never knowing when or whether you actually will get your success story. As others have said, I cannot stress enough the value to me of having FFs who truly understand - unless you have walked the walk, you can't possibly even attempt to understand or empathise.

Good luck to each and everyone reading   

Winegum x


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