# last minute change to donor



## Mrs ABA (May 17, 2009)

Hi ladies,
My IVF/ICSI has been converted to donor IUI.  As I was on short protocol they don't suggest we try again. We are simultaneously grieving loss of  hope for DH sperm and trying to be hopeful for IUI.  DH is amazing.  He says genes don't make a family and he should know as his brother was adopted.  But I just love him so much I wanted his natural child.
Any wise words from donor Mums?
BTW - i'm 34 and have premature ovarian ageing....
Thanks so much
A x


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi Mrs ABA,

I am going through egg donation myself .

I have no words of wisome but feel that your DH is right DNA does not make the family or the person. 

It is the way they are loved and brought up by their parents not DNA.

For example me and my sister are not close and dont get along but i feel like my best friend kam is more of a sister to me, so its not down to blood it sdown to the relationshipe we build which involve love, trust. care, and honesty. 

When you baby is here you wont consider thier DNA it will be that my child and the relationship bond over the years that developes that wont be broken, I dont belive bloos is thicker than water as I know that part of my family is my friends who are more suportive than my own family - its the relationship you have that is special not the genes in my view

hope this helps

good luck

jenny


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## Mrs ABA (May 17, 2009)

Thanks Jenny. Best of luck to you too.
A
x


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## teresal (May 2, 2009)

Hi Mrs ABA

i am sorry to hear your situation, i too am using donor sperm it is very difficult to come to terms with not using DH sperm, we both grieved a lot over that and through time and talking we both knew that donor sperm was our only chance to have a family.  as your DH has said genes don't make a family, but i defiantly know where you are coming from.

please don't feel alone come and join me and the other lovely ladies on anyone else using donor sperm thread, you will find lots of advice and support on there.

teresa xxx


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## pippilongstockings (Dec 8, 2005)

Hi Mrs ABA,

You poor thing, that must have been a shock even if you knew that it was a possibility.  

I think everyone who has moved onto donor sperm has had those feelings of grief and sadness, I know that we did.  Your situation is probably even more confusing as you will be devastated to not be using dh's sperm but at the same time desperate for the dIUI to work. 

What I can say is that you will get used to the idea, it may take time but it gets much much easier.  We have an amazing little boy through dIUI and he is not only part of our family, he is the very centre of it!  My DH absolutely adores him and he adores my DH.  He is 100% my DH's son    

I really hope that your dIUI is sucessful.  As Teresa says, please come and join us on the donor sperm thread.  There are ladies there at every stage of the journey, many of whom have similar questions and worries as you.

Pippi xx


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## Mrs ABA (May 17, 2009)

Oh Pippi

Thanks so much for your lovely mail.  Your son is gorgeous and it is so encouraging to hear your story.
I wish you all the best of luck for your second child and definitely accept your invitation to join this thread.

I'll let you know how it goes.  Keep your fingers crossed!
A x


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