# ********



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi all,

Just a query had a bit of a shock today, I have found out that my little ones birth mother is on ******** (searched her name) and her profile picture is of her, birth father and my little one!! I cant access her full profile to see what else she has done obviously without requesting to be her friend and I am not going to do that! she cant access my profile or search for me as she doesnt know my name thankfully but I am very shocked!

I thought they werent allowed to post photos on the internet and as our little one is legally ours hasnt she got to ask permission? god knows what she has in her profile about her it has made me go cold, I suppose it is my own fault for even being nosey in the first place but she has done this in the past on an adoption website and she used to do a lot of campaigning.

Thoughts, advice greatly appreciated

Dawny


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Dawny

No advice, just wanted to send you a (((HUG))).  Do you send photos with any letterbox?  If you do I'd stop and maybe send a drawing (or nothing) instead?

When we meet our ds's BM she openly admitted she had his pictures all over a certain site on the net and this made me more determined not to send photos.

Don't know how they stand legally but maybe post adoption support could help?

Love
OT x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Thanks OT,

I'm not sure of the letterbox agreement first one due next month and will need to look at what we agree, we do meet up with grandma though and I know our littlys social worker took some photos at the adoption hearing and may of passed some onto her I am going to find out, this will teach me to be nosey I would of never of known otherwise, yes I think I will get in touch with adoption support also.

thanks for your reply

Dawny
xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Oh Dawny  

I'm sorry no words of wisdom from me, but I'd definately speak to a social worker about that. Surely it cant be right?? No wonder you are shocked and mortified, I would be too. Hope you can get some advice and answers.
Thinking of you.   xx  

Can I just ask, do you all feel "safe" using ********? Some friends of mine have asked me to join it and I'd love it just to have a nosey at old school friends etc, but I'm terrified of putting myself out there in the public arena, somehow I just daren't. I'm worried sick that Missboo's birthmum would spot me, recognise me and then be able to get info from my page.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi ladies

Dawny- i am not sure however i dont think there is much that can be done as the pics were taken before your DD was yours however ring either your SW or adoption support.

Ever- i am on ******** HOWEVER i dont post my childrens names on their, pics of them and my profile pic is of my dog! however i do have a few pics of me and DH in my photo albums from a few years ago.

I know that another FF adoptive mummy did the same as you and had a look to see if she could find BM and did and found pics of her children!


xxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

I use ********, but have no pics of myself on there or K and no info about K at all. I am just wary of who would look me up I guess

Big  Dawny

x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi girls,

Thanks for your kind words.

Ever - with regards to your query I can understand your anxiety but no-one can access your profile without your permission if someone wants to be your friend you would recieve a e-mail in the first instance with a 'friend request' it is up to you to accept or reject only after you have accepted can they access your profile and vice-versa, howeve people can trace you on ******** but they need to know your full name and then all they would get up is wether you are on ******** or not and a picture of your profile picture, the problem is if you have friends from all over you might be on someones friends list and you never know who might be friends with who so yes someone could spot you from this scenario anything is possible - and thankyou for your 

I do have photos of my little one in my ******** profile but I will probably be removing them now which is a great shame as this was a good way of keeping my friends updated with her progress and I like to show her off cos she is sooo gorgeous but hey ho its not about me is it?

MJ - you are probably right that there is nothing I can do because it is before we adopted her so will just have to accept it now I have calmed down a bit I can sort of understand why she might of done it from her point of view.

Thanks again everyone

Dawny
xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Just wanted to say you can also block people in your account privacy settings so when they search for you they cant find your name or anything 

Dawny I just searched birth family members and found one of them on there!  so have blocked them 

x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Wouldn't have a clue how to use ********, everytime I get an 'invite' I ignore it, its all I can do to find time posting on here and another site.

Didnt realise the picture was from before adoption, sorry.  Would definately check the other points out though and stop being nosey!!! (hehehe)

Love
OT x


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## Junnie (May 17, 2008)

hi... i use ******** all the time. You can actually report the photo.. it asks for a brief explaination.. one of the options is improper use of a minors foto i think this falls into it


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Dawney,
Your email made me shudder! You may have read my message recently it was my babies birthday and a friend at my daughters party said she had seen the piece I had put in the paper for her birthday!!! I got a copy of the paper to find the BF phad put her photo, birth name and signed "Mummy and Daddy" in the main paper in the city where I live! My situation is being dealt with by After Adoption who have been great. The photo we sent to other family members is being stopped with 100% backing from the SS's, this is a child protection issue and in my opinion it can't be take be seriously enough. I don't put photos on Face Book of my littlie I just don't feel safe doing that and just don't like the idea of her being on the net anyway. I would speak to your SW and After adoption about it. This is your child in every way and someone without any parental responsibility has used their image and as you say God knows what else is on her page! 
Let us know what happens Dawney and please feel free to email me,  
Love JD x


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi

I'm a ******** addict!!!

I have one photo of cookie that is visable, and that is of me holding her but all you can see is the back of a babies head.  i wouldn't put recognisable photos of her on it as my profile picture.  Our surname has been withheld from her BPs so it's unlikely they would find us.  I only allow people i have met and know well to be my friends (plus 2 from FF).  I have an album of Cookie photos, but only my family can see them (you can set up custom privacy settings on photos which it quite handy).  My family are all on ********, but have had to agree to my terms before posting photos of cookie - they must not have any friends they have never met or accept any invites from people they don't know)

I've only just started using Cookies name, it's a really common name so shouldn't be a problem, and again my privacy settings are so high that no one other than my friends can see it.

Bx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi all,

I'm not too concerned about my profile being accessed cos it was the other way round I found birth mother profile, none of the birth family know our names we were advised not to use them when we met up with them, I'm more concerned that our daughters photo has been used as a profile picture yes it was before we legally adopted her but I am still quite certain that they need our permission, she has been known to do this in the past on anti-adoption websites and promised littlys social worker she wouldnt post anymore photos, she may have some more up to date ones as well as I know paternal granny has some and may of passed them on I am going to ring the LA tomorrow as this may scupper any decision we made about direct contact with birth granny.

Since this post I have now put more enhanced security settings on my photo albums on ******** and have changed my profile pic to just me in case we did stand out on a 'friends list' somewhere as I guess you never but I would be hard to trace with no name.
Thanks and thanks jill I read your post about your dilemma and was shocked that this can happen.

Dawny
xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

First JD's post then this, again I'm shocked.  I've always included photos with our contact letters but these stories make you wonder what's the best thing to do.

I've only recently joined ********, an old volleyball clubmate asked me to join so that all my old team mates could keep up with me.  I haven't posted any photos nor any personal details.  I must admit after reading your post I did a search for DS's BM but she isn't on there so I think I might be safe.  I can't see myself using the site loads, I find it hard enough keeping up with this one  

I hope you got some joy from the LA today  

Cindy


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Dawney

You are not the only nosey one I put in search and found pooh bears birth mum and her profile is not blocked at all!!! But mine is very secure and private and feel very happy to put pics of my2 on there as only people I want can access them. I am a ******** adict.

PBMx


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