# What now? ~



## sharfran (Feb 22, 2007)

Before you start reading this forgive me, please let me apologise for feeling sorry for myself (yet again!)
Had BFN 2wks ago, thought I was coping well i.e not crying all the time,I now feel numb tearful and really sad all the time,don't feel I have any positive thoughts about ever being a mother-hopeless. 
I'm back in work and working with pregnant colleague on nights - just can't get away from it! Feeling like a big fat failure,ugly and worthless and so 'unfeminine',still having hot sweats and my skin is terrible. 
I've had three miscarriages all around 9 wks stage,then had problems conceiving and was referred for IVF. First IVF failed, then recently had FET and again failed despite taking aspirin,steroids,oestrogen and IM gestone.Didn't get past 'the 2weeks' each time,what's going on? Any advice/suggestions?


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## kjones (Feb 7, 2007)

Unfortunately I dont have any answers for you.  I think we all go through stages of "why me?"  I have been ttc for 6 years and am on my second IVF attempt, the first one being abandoned due to poor response.  I have blocked tubes, endo, dont ovulate and high FSH levels!!

I am now on day 5 of my 2ww and am finding it horrendous!  Have been having af type pains but am assured this is normal.

Please dont give up hope.  I am sure one day it will happen for both of us.

Take care
Kerry
xxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF Sharfran

 right now what you need is a special Cyber hug!

Trust me when I say posting here on FF will be just what you need to do, 
at first it seems strange that strangers are repling saying they "understand" but honestly we do!!!

There is not a single member on here who hasnt felt how you do now, whether it be for tx, m/c or just the feelings of being a faliure in the baby making department 

Right now you are in a greiving process, and you need to greive that means cry, be sad, be unhappy - and pg ppl will always upset you in this stage! can you speak to your manager about changing who you work with 
(my friend has just been able to do this? she works night shifts in a hospital)

Then as you start to heal you start to focus on the next step - it could be a month or two down the line you plan to try again, or a year it dosnt much matter, just getting yourself strong to re focus your efforts is all that you need. 
and being a part of a community where infomation knowledge and support are avalible 24/7 will help you on that healing path.

I think your post struck a cord with me this morning, all the things you descibed Ive felt them too - strongly -
so what to do about them, 
Treat yourself to "me time" whatever you like to do that gives you pleasure!
treat yourself to some skin/beauty products and use them! 
prehaps try going for an indian head massage or some reiki/accupuncture or the like. 
form a plan for your next step - what do you want to do next  
talk with your partner, when is enough enough - what happens then 

There is a member on here who had had 8 attempts! (she wont mind me posting her signature for you to see)


> #1 ICSI May 2004 BFN
> #2 ICSI Oct 2004 BFN
> #3 ICSI Feb 2005 BFN
> #4 ICSI May 2005 BFN
> ...


*So dont give up! *

Have you considered alternative threapies/or moving clinic 

I really hope that you begin to feel stronger everyday and that with posing here on FF 
the journey to becoming parents is completed.

Ive not posted you any links, I will wait till you post again 

Wishing you Friendship  & lots of   

~Dizzi~


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi sharfran and welcome to the site 

First of all you are not a failure. It cant be easy working with loads of pregnant women and i know this all too well as i have the same all the time.

This site is a fantastic support network and i really hope it can help you through the tough times.

Kate xx​


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## sharfran (Feb 22, 2007)

Hi,just read your replies to my topic,thank you so much for your kind words and support it really helps to know that someone knows how you are feeling.
It's taken me over a week to figure out how to retrieve any messages!!!
Thanks for the suggestion of speaking to my manager about avoiding working with my pregnant colleague,I hadn't thought about it,may not be possible to change but I can ask.
Feeling a little bit stronger this week,have booked a couple of trips away and now have something to look forward to for the moment.
Am waiting for my next IVF which will be on the NHS in August (unable to change clinics as it will be NHS funded & I have no choice of the clinic I use.)feel it's a long way away,but need to prepare myself,need to loose weight I reckon about 2 stones to give myself the best chance. 
I give up caffeine about 3 mnths before treatment and alcohol too, it's not difficult for me but I have asked my boyfriend to do the same(he's not keen),do you think this is reasonable,or am I just being too over the top? 
SORRY so many ?'s again.
Take good care    Sharfran xx


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## sheena 1M (Oct 4, 2006)

Hiya Sharfran

Im so sorry to hear your story.  Im living a similar nightmare, but I was just wondering - after the 3rd miscarriage, did you get all the tests done to rule out any obvious issues, like immune response issues, or blood clotting issues?  It's just some of those things are quite easily rectified.  

Ill be looking out for you on the vairouis threads so big hug from me and hope you have some strength to keep on trying.  Ive got my 4th pregnancy now, and Im on asprin incase of any rejection/immune issues and also to ensure blood doesn't clot too much.  Im also on progesterone this time to give me a helping hand even though my levels are fine without it.  Im only  5 wks pregnant so long way to go and very nervous but I feel positive.

On the work front I took several months off sick.  I was nervous to do it but did and no one at work bothered me. It didn't help the situation when I went back to work, but it did give me some breathing space and my GP insisted I did yoga, walking etc etc every day and to socialise with my family during day if anyone was around, to havre a sense of normality.

Sheena xx


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## sharfran (Feb 22, 2007)

Hi Sheena thanks for your response.
In answer to your question,yes I've had  the tests you mentioned but not sure which test is done to check if it's an immune problem?
Best of luck with your pregnancy,I'll be thinking of you.
I hope you don't mind me sharing what happened in work last night,I had to take a pregnancy test as we had a lady whose body fluids were radioactive after having a scan,I just panicked and thought what if I'm pregnant!(which really I knew wasn't the case-I've been having sensations in my breasts that I thought I only got when I was pregnant-I know it's the hormones working their way out of my system really.)The test of course was BFN but I feel such a fool,I had to tell my work colleagues when really I wanted to keep everything private this time. Feel better for sharing that with you,thanks Again!!
Speak soon  Sharfranx  xx


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## sharfran (Feb 22, 2007)

Hi, hope you can help,I've been using the site for a couple of weeks now and still don't really know what I'm doing. I go from site to site writing my messages,get replies and don't understand them, feeling more than a bit silly by now. I did come across a site once that gave an induction to the site - can't find it anymore. 
Please help (oh, by the way love the site,it's been REALLY helpful,thanks again!!)


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## Bekie (Aug 23, 2004)

When i joined i remember having look back at the abbreviations thread whenever i read a post... It can get a little confusing this really helped me out

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/component/option,com_glossary/Itemid,120/

Also you can ask for a Forum Buddy too here

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=58005.0 - just so you can get used to the different boards, words and meanings...

This is the thread for bubbles which confused me no end in the begining 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=62247.0

If you want any other help you can always ask, everyone here is so friendly and helpful you'll be a pro in no time 

Bekie


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

HI, I think it might be good if you clicked on the topic/thread 'want a forum buddy?' cos then someone will find you a buddy to show you around and explain everything to you.  I don't know about other sites, but I think this one's quite easy to work out, if you are just shown a couple of the basics, so hang on in there!

Good luck with your journey ttc!

Clarey xxxxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hello Hun, Ive merged you posts here.

I think you would benefit from spending some time reading the HELP pages -
There is a white button at the top of the page for this - but heres a direct link
CLICK HERE
If you need more help just YELL!

~Dizzi~


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

HI Sharfran, 
Sorry I was a bit brief before, cos I hadn't read your other post, and now they're merged I have read what you are going through.  Poor you.  It is all so natural to be feeling like that, but it doesn't make it any easier to get through this awful time.  I know exactly what you mean about the situation of not being able to conceive making you feel physically awful, fat, ugly etc.  Trust me, it is a nasty trick of the mind, brought on by depressive feelings.  You should definitely try to take time to do ANYTHING which will boost your self esteem, like remembering some interest/hobby you can dabble in again, or taking up a new one, or treat yourself in some way/get a change of scene...ALso good to try and remember and visualise all those times when you felt positive.  By remembering them, you will experience those emotions again, and this will help you get more positive feelings going round your body.  

I'm not sure if my experience of things which lift the self-esteem would be helpful (and you may already do these things/be sick of suggestions etc. so feel free to ignore them!), but the three things which seem to have been a good choice for me recently are 

a) starting to go to a beginners' Salsa class (something I never thought I'd do, but it's really fantastic and people of all ages/types go: you don't even need to take your dp, as loads of single people go and the men just get rotated round the room!) 

b) taking in a rescue cat from the RSPCA who had clearly been abused by his previous owners, cos he used to cringe every time you went to stroke him.  Somehow looking after him (George) and getting him gradually to trust us has been sooo therapeutic and the fact that he so clearly loves us now and is happy brings me a lot of joy (even when I feel like nothing else is!).
and
c) joining the National Trust: it gives us the option of visiting loads of beautiful places at the weekend which we probably wouldnt go to if we weren't members.  Some of them have beautiful gardens which are looking fantastic now that spring has arrived!  Even the fresh air helps lift the spirits.

In all of these things, when you are low, it is always hard to get round to doing them, but I find that when I FORCE myself to do it, I'm always glad I did.

YOu have been going through such a lot, lately, and I really hope your work collegues can be supportive.  Dont forget that you can also ask for counselling through your GP, which, given the circs, he/she would be really glad to refer you for.  It can help to off-load and they can help with CBT.

Lots of hugs and I hope that you find some way of gradually remembering that you are a wonderful unique and ultimately fruitful person, whether you have kids or not.  And we are holding out for a BFP next time, cos miracles happen every day!

Love from 

Clarey xxxxxxx


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

ps and don't apologise for feeling sorry for yourself!  you have every right to feel as sorry for yourself as you like!

pps your dp could at least reduce caffeine and alcohol to show some solidarity, even if he doesnt give them up, maybe?  Mine has given them up, but that's cos our probs are related to his SA and it makes sense for him to do this (and seems to have helped, cos his last result was a lot better).


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