# What am i supposed to do now?



## Mazza J (Jan 10, 2007)

Hey ladies,
Just wondered if you could help me really.
We stopped fertility treatment as it wasnt working and 2 miscarriages (which left me devastated) about 18 months ago now, and i still feel "lost".

Suddenly i realize that i am going to be working till i retire (not at home with kids) and so need a job that i like and enjoy.  I hate my current job with a vegence - i am infact off "sick" today as couldnt face going in.
I have a pregnant colleague, a pregnant sister-in-law and still find myself breaking down and crying at the drop of a hat.

I long to feel happy again, i'm sure the last time i was truely happy was on my wedding day when we knew nothing about fertility problems.

I know i am lucky to have a wonderful husband and i think we could be happy just us 2, but i dont know how to get there.

Any advice??

Thanks
Mazza


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hello Mazza

First of all big     for all you've been through. On the plus side though it's so great you have a wonderful husband who you know you can be very happy with  

The realisation that our lives will be childless is very tough and it's common to feel quite lost and like our purpose in life has vanished. Many of the girls on here have found new happiness by changing something about their lives, some their jobs, some moved, some got a new pet etc and whatever you chose to bring that spark back needs to be something that is personal to you. Have you thought about what kind of work would make you happy? Are you creative? Good at organisation? Friendly and chatty? There are lots of career quizes now on the internet that can give you great ideas for the sorts of jobs you may be suited to and there are loads of courses available if you fancy retraining. 

I always used to think that the idea of changing jobs was quite daunting and admired people who did it for their courage, but after everything we have been through and experienced in our journey we can all well and truly tick that bravery box.

I wish there was some quick fix for us all but one thing i found helped me was having little things to look forward so i'd book to see a show; plan a weekend away; take the dog somewhere completely new etc.... 

Plan some nice things, think about the sort of work you'd like to do and keep talking to us      

Amanda xx


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## riley (Sep 22, 2008)

Hi Mazza

 to u. So sorry to hear what u'v been thru.

I dont no how u feel bout this as we r all different but I no that my job (I teach reception) is the only thing that has kept me goin wen I'v felt down bout my situation. I absolutely love my job and the fact that I am around children all day gives me so much joy. I appreciate that some people would find this 2 hard bcos of their situation. ...But I was a teacher b4 i knew I couldnt av children of my own and I no that I could not be happier in any other job.

Good luck wiv finding something.

Riley
xx


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## Mazza J (Jan 10, 2007)

Thanks ladies.  Its so nice to feel i am not alone.

Great advice Amanda, i think i will take one of those quiz to see what career i should have.  I have changed my job alot in the past but always in the same industry as thats what i have experience in!.  i think i need something new.

We have got our house up for sale too, which when we move i know will be a fresh start - but the housing market as it is at the moment we may have to wait awhile.

xx


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hi Mazza

I'll keep my fingers crossed the house sells quickly   

Let us know how you get on with the quizes and what kind of jobs they recommend.

Another thing i thought of while you are thinking of what new job would be good was to see if there was anything you fancied doing in the meantime. For example if you are an animal lover volunteering at a local rescue centre, if you are creative making things to sell at fairs, car boots etc.., if the new house will need some work doing on it perhaps an evening course on plastering, decorating etc.., perhaps book a holiday abroad somewhere later in the year and learn the language with evening classes before you go...

  

Amanda xx


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## joby1 (Oct 20, 2006)

Hi Mazza

I'm really sorry to hear about the tough time you have been having. It's not easy facing what you have been through let alone what must feel like an uncertain future.

Since our last attempt at ICSI (Nov 07) we have been on a rollercoaster of should we adopt? should we try ivf again although the odds are against us or should we just spend life being the 2 of us and the best auntie and uncle we can be?

We kept changing our minds every 5 minutes but are slowly coming to terms with the fact that we love being together and will have a happy and fulfilling life by making the most of what we do have - our health, opportunities to go out for a meal, breakfast in bed, travel, adult holidays etc etc. We also love spoiling our nieces and friends kids which at first was hard as there was always that insanely jealous part of you that you want to keep hidden! 

Part of our journey included me taking a new job in a completely different industry to the 10 year career I'd had in recruitment, the last 6.5 years having been for the same company. I cried for the first 3 weeks because I was so out of my depth and I missed all the support from my old colleagues (but not the job) and it has given me a new sense of focus and direction. 

All I can say is be brave, hang on in there, be prepared to have your emotions change constantly and continue to enjoy the love and support of your husband. I am sure that over time you will appreciate all the small things in life (sunshine, going for a nice walk etc) that each add up to help you feel happier and at peace.

Good Luck

Jo


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello

My husband had a drastic career change at the point we decided to stop trying (we were lucky in that he was able to stop work completely whilst he worked out who he was and what he wanted - a kind of mid-life crisis which was really worrying at the time!) and it has worked out brilliantly.  He was so unhappy in his old job but stuck with it as we needed money for treatment and if we had children he'd need to be main breadwinner, and I have to admit that with hindsight it's been one of the good things to come out of our childlessness that he is now in a career that really suits him and where he can be himself, and isn't constantly undermined.  Work is so important to your sense of selfconfidence, and IF really hits that too, so it is a really big issue!

I just wanted to send you my 'happy ending' story, and wish you the very best in hopefully finding something that works for you as well as my husband's change of career did!!

J


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## Mazza J (Jan 10, 2007)

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I took a career quiz and it said the top answer was social worker(!), then Police woman!!
I think it said that because i have always felt like i should try and help people, and i love to listen and chat to people.  I have looked into the police before, but it is a very long application process.  A friend of mine has just got in and it took him about 18 months.
I suppose that could be a good thing though, as it would give me something to focus on, the only thing is that means 18 months longer in my current job, which i really dont think is a option  
Also if we sell our house, weve talked about a drastic move to perhaps scotland, so i cant really start a application in suffolk when i should be moving.

Its all so confusing, im sure i work something out though. xx


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hi Mazza  

Well done on the quiz. One idea that popped in to my head when you said about helping people was counselling. My sil started a course recently and is really enjoying it. To do the course she has to do some kind of work in a counselling environment while she studies so it's quite a nice mix of work and study, and of course it fulfills the helping people and talking angle.

Also is it worth looking at what jobs your local council has in the social departments? That would give you some experience, an inside look at the differnt types of roles there are in that sector and of course would be transferable if you moved to Scotland.

Amanda xx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello again

I don't know much about it but the only person I know who is a counsellor struggles to get paid work - and when she does it tends to be quite freelance and difficult to depend on ... don't know if that would be a problem for you?  

The police does sound exciting and there are lots of different options within the police force once you get there so you can continue to develop and specialise in areas you are interested in.  I think you probably could start to apply from somewhere else, but of course you would have to know where you were going to move too...

A 'whilst you're waiting' option might be to do some volunteering perhaps in a magistrates court where they need victim liason volunteers, or perhaps even as a special police constable - that might start to give you more of an idea as to what exactly would suit you, but of course I don't know whether that's somethign you could fit around your current job...

Good luck!

Jx


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## Mazza J (Jan 10, 2007)

Thanks guys.
Thats all really helpful  
Must say i have thought about perhaps being a councellor before, as i think i would be good at it and like it - but i assumed you needed a degree or something.  I could look into it.

Also the idea about special police is a good one too, i could get an idea if i like police or not and have something to do in my spare time - think ill look into that too.

You guys are great help!!


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