# Advice needed re IVF and terminal ill mum



## mandymoo12 (May 13, 2013)

Hi.

I haven't been on here for a while.. Well since my negative IVF at the end of March.
Anyway, since then I've not really thought about pregnancy for a bit and kind of enjoyed not obsessing etc, but I'm now starting to think about it again. Today I was thinking about calling the new clinic to discuss booking an appointment.
But.. My mum has terminal lung cancer. She is getting worse each day. She hasn't actually left her room apart from to go the toilet for over two weeks
I just got off the phone to my brother who said that she has weeks left. (I don't really believe it, but I kind of do)
The rest of my family seem to be putting their lives on hold.. For example my brother isn't taking any foster children for now...  (It makes me sad that they all seem to be waiting for her to die)
Anyway, that brings me to my next round of IVF.. I don't know what to do? I don't want to feel like I'm waiting for the inevitable to happen so I can get on with my life.. But I'm scared not to have my head in the right place for when I do my next round. 
Should I book an appointment?
Sorry for the morbid subject, but feeling really down about it. I have two older brothers and neither of them have children. I really wanted her to have her own grandchild, but that is never going to happen...


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Having been through it and wishing a pregnancy and for my dad to know we had got there, hand on heart, I wouldn't regret my decisions.  It was heartbreaking that it didn't, but I wanted to make his dream as well as mine.

My treatments didn't work, but I never gave up wanting my dad to see us happy.  He had a baby grandson, who was baptised on the day he died and that was hard, him holding that baby after he was born, knowing he wouldn't see him grow, but your mum would want you to carry on.  I know dad found it so so hard, but life is precious.

It's such a hard time watching someone you love go through this, and with this disease.  It's taught me that time is short, we don't always get the best deal and you do what you can to survive, so if you are ready do it.  Wishing you all the luck in the word and I hope mum has periods of good times xxx


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## pigsy (Jan 5, 2012)

hi hun, your post stood out for me.  My mum passed away 12 years ago, and my family all reacted differently.  I moved back to NI when we were in the few weeks situation but one sister took off for a couple of months before, and one worked until a few days before.  It was right for all of us as as we are all different.  One sister would have gone absolutely potty not working, but for the other she would have went potty at work.  It was different for me due to location and country so when it was close, well, I would have been potty being so far away.    

I came back to my home in England soon after and within days me and DH were buying our first house.  I felt awful in one sense as it didn't feel right, and I struggled with that, but in another way it was right.  The house came up that we wanted, and unfortunately life does have to keep moving.  It was hard though.

But what I am trying to say is that you have to do what is right for you.  When I was at home I found the waiting horrid, and not being in my own place it was strange (my parents had split so I wasn't in my childhood home), so that is normal.  Unfortunately it is a waiting game, and making sure she has everything she needs with her family there.  

I have cycled on anniversaries and I struggled with memories.  The advice I have always stuck with is - don't have any regrets.  So whatever you decide, that will be the right thing and it will be ok.  

My mum did have grand children from sisters but to be honest, she wasn't aware of them towards the end, she wasn't aware of a lot of things.  But when / if/ etc etc I have children I will tell them all about their granny who although they won't have met, but they will know her.  And I do believe in things where the dead look out for the living so she will look out for you and any future little ones


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## joiedevivre (Dec 16, 2013)

Hi mandymoo,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and that she is terminally ill.  I can understand why everyone around you is putting things on hold, but I don't think you have to.  Truth is, no-one knows when your mom will go.  I agree with the others that if it feels like a good time to give the clinic a call, then don't feel guilty about that.  Besides, as you know, the call is just the first step.
Big  s to you


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