# Just starting our journey!



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

Hi, I'm a bit new to all this but here goes. Myself and my bf have just started out journey. We have our first initial home visit from the sw this Thursday (excited but scared) my poor house has been scrubbed within an inch of its life (not that it was dirty to start with) we talked long and hard about adoption and felt this is a good time. He has a 5 year old daughter from previous relationship who lives with her mum but visits us regular. My concern is her mum, she has a particular hatred for me which is totally unjustified. I'm worried that they will speak to her and she will Hurt our chances of becoming parents. Was also wondering if anyone has gone with caritas as aa 
Kim and Matt xx


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hi Kym, and welcome to the forum, it's a lovely place which has helped myself and DW through the last year on the adoption rollercoaster.

Regarding your boyfriend's ex-partner, I really wouldn't be too concerned.  The agency will speak to her but will generally speak about his daughter and how you both are around her (think style of parenting). 
Social workers know the score and know that ex parteners can be spiteful ***'s, so they know what to ignore.

My wife and I are with Caritas and they really are brilliant, we would definitely recommend them to others.  Although we have had some trouble with our post-approval SW, I don't think this is the fault of the agency (she is ex county council, which sort of explains her attitude).

The SW we had for the home study was wonderful, and everyone else we have met from Caritas have been amazing.  We went to a post-matching training evening the other week, they put on similar training every month or so for free.

If you need any more help, do let us know.

Good luck,

Paul x


----------



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

Thank you for replying  I'm looking forward to the craziness that lays ahead! This is our first visit after enquiring so we're very early doors but excited for it all. The ex partener was my only concern really for now. We are going to sit down and tell her what's happening when it gets to that point and hopefully she will be mature enough to realise that this is a serious situation. I'm glad you would recommend caritas, they seem lovely and hopefully will make a formal application after meeting on Thursday


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

As Paul has said they will talk to ex. However they are rational and any serious criticisms would be undermined by the fact she Let's daughter stay with you. If she actually had concerns about the care you'd provide for children she wouldn't leave hers with you.  Just to make sure you aware they will want to meet talk to and spend time with dh daughter too. They will want to be sure that you adopting will be right for her and she is well prepared for it. Good luck hope you get on really well.


----------



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

She knows how I feel about the little one. Me and the little one have a lovely relationship. She is the reason why I want to adopt. She made me realise you don't have to be biologically be a parent to love a hold as your own. I have done lots of research and know the things that can go wrong but it's worth a try coz the end result with make our lives complete x


----------



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

Excited for our initial visit tomorrow! Find out what is ahead on our journey


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Good luck I'm sure it will go really well x x


----------



## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Good luck for today's visit littlekym xxx


----------



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

Well our first visit went really well. Got so many of out questions answered which was great. We are making our formal application start of feb to tie in with the 3 day training in March! It's all excitingly scary stuff  x


----------



## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Exciting!  Congrats on starting!

Concerns about ex partners are very common, and SWers are usually really understanding and adept and reading people. 

We went with Caritas (our prep was end Feb/March, and we had LO home for Christmas, btw) and have loved them throughout, so happy with them.  I know it depends on who you get as SWer to an extent, but their focus and approach seemed more realistic, and more focussed on the adoptive parents' needs, than the LA we had contact with.

Good luck!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Great news congratulations x


----------



## Littlekym (Jan 6, 2014)

I know the process is a long one and we have to put in a lot of work but it will be worth it in the end! I've heard good things about caritas that why we decided to go with them. That's great that you got your little one int time for Christmas. Congratulations xx


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

It's pretty much a year to the day when we formally applied and here we are now on our first day of intros!


----------

