# Single and in need of advice



## tamishka (Sep 8, 2010)

Hello Everyone, first i would like to say what a fantastic site!

I am new to this site and hope to be able to meet new friends who have/are currently experience problems with infertility.

My background information is this: 

I miscarried my perfect son, Owen 24 weeks into my first pregnancy he was conceived naturally, after a few years of trying to become pregnant i and my then partner contacted our GP who investigated us both for infertility. I was then given the worst possible news, that both of my fallopian tubes were blocked with adhesions and scar tissue and that the only way i would be able to have children was by IVF.

This put an incredible strain on my relationship as i was diagnosed with depression, i couldn't come to terms with the loss of my baby and with the news that i was not able to have children, some time later my partner and i decided it was best to go our separate ways, again leaving me devastated. For some years i took myself out of social situations as found it incredibly difficult to be around pregnant women, women who already had children.

I am now approaching 34 years of age and am ready to challenge my infertility but not knowing where to begin, can single women have IVF on the NHS? Can single women having IVF use donor sperm from a donor(friend)? I am in the Tyne and Wear area and am hoping some of you lovely people out there may be able to offer me some help, support or/and advice.

Thank you, Vicki x


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

Welcome tamishka - you've already had a rough ride - brilliant news you feel up to getting in the rollercoaster. 

It's unlikely you will get Nhs funding but it's worth trying- just don't get your hopes up - you could try.

You are still young enough to look at egg share and ivf can be slightly cheaper in abroad.

Ref friend as known donor - it's possible but I believe some clinics will treat him as a donor ie they will do all the screening tests and make you wait 6 months to retest as the enforce a quarantine period as some if the stds they test for don't show up for 6 months- I think if you went to clinic as a couple you would avoid this.

I guess egg share might be an option for you also.

I would start with your gp getting fsh, oedtrodial, lh on day 3 if cycle and progesterone day 21- although some clinics will run those as your basic work up. I guess it's as simple as booking a consult once you've chosen a clinic.

Good luck with your journey - there's a single girls ivf thread on here.


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Welcome - so sorry for your loss; it's been a very tough journey for you already.

Morrigan has already given you some good advice - if you already have a friend as a known donor then the key decision is to whether you wish them to be treated as a donor (6 month quarantine etc) or you go as a couple. There are key legal differences - if you go as a couple then the donor would be the child's legal father, which could have major implications further on, both legally and financially. These pages give a good overview of the key things to think through: http://www.gambleandghevaert.com/page/donor_conception_and_co-parenting/3/ . Some ladies have done this very successfully, but it does require a lot of trust and clear expectations on both sides.

Other options are using a clinic which has its own donor bank - there are clinics in the UK and abroad (e.g. London Women's Clinic in London) where you can select a donor from their list, or alternatively it is very straightforward to import sperm from a donor bank abroad such as the European Sperm Bank, Xytex, Cryos and others. If you are looking at a UK clinic then the donor needs to be ID release and needs to meet UK standards. Outside the UK sperm donors can be anonymous or ID release and something for you to decide on which you prefer.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Rose xx

/links


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi welcome to the thread, I am sorry for your loss.
I echo the great advice that Rose amd Morrigan have given you.  It is higly unlikely as a single woman you will be enittled to fertility treatment.

I have being using a friend as a known donor, so if you ant to  pm me pls do

good luck

l x


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## tamishka (Sep 8, 2010)

Thank you all so very much, i am planning on taking the first step - making an appointment with my GP, i feel she should be able to point me in the right direction, i understand that using a known donor does come with certain risks, so have decided to take some time to think about my friends offer, i think in the long run it would be better to opt for donor sperm as i would hate what should be something special to backfire on us both should we disagree over an issue..I will be reading through all of the links you sent to me and hopefully this will answer alot of questions that i have in relation to this.

I am also interested in egg sharing, how exactly does this work and does anyone know of who does this in the Tyne and Wear area?

Thank you again for your kind words and support
Vicki x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Egg sharing when you as a sharer undergo a free (or nearly free) cycle of IVF but you agree to give half your eggs collected to a recipient (another pt at the clinic who you never meet or know about) the recipient pays for your cycle of IVF in exchange for half the eggs.  You need to fufil certain criteria, blocked tubes shouldn't proclude you per se.  It is regulated by HFEA. There is an egg share thread on FF, and some of the single ladies have egg shared so may be able to tell you more, I have only been a recipient.  HFEA also have a list of what service each clinic in the UK offer so maybe check out their website.

Good luck


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## LouGhevaert (May 18, 2009)

Hi

I really wish you lots of luck.

If you plan to conceive with donor sperm from a sperm bank (and don't plan to use a known donor) then you will be your child's sole legal parent at birth and named as such on the birth certificate.  The legal position can be far more complex if you use a known donor.

You should make a specialist Will to appoint legal guardians for your child.

You should also have a clear parenting plan when you go for discussions with the counsellor/clincian at the clinic to show you have all bases covered and so treatment can proceed.

All the best

LouGhevaert


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## julesbfd (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi
I too am a single lady with my only option being IVF.  I have only one fallopian tube, the other is damaged, endometreosis and PCOS.
I have been given one free go on the NHS due to it not being just because I am single and wanting a child but that I have medical reasons so def worth speaking to your GP.
I was looking at an anonymous donor but have now decided to go with someone I know which took alot of thinking about.
I had already had all my tests etc and today me and my donor have been to the clinic for him to have his sperm tested, got the results whilst we were there and they were all good, he then had to go and have lot's of blood taken, we saw the Doctor, then he had counselling, then me, then both of us.
The thing I don't agree with is that they are making him go to a sexual health clinic to have his chylamdia , HIV tests etc, I wish they would do them at the clinic as he is not relishing the thought of going to the GUM clinic.
We have to ring in a few weeks to get the results of his other tests before he can make appointments to start depositing sperm.
So what I would say is that if you do use a known donor, there is quite alot for them to do as well as yourself.
The London womens clinic in Darlington has donors as they have their own bank and they also do egg sharing if that is what you deide to go with but you have to be under 35.

Hope that helps and good luck
Jules


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