# BFN, anyone want to join my little chat



## roxychick121 (Aug 2, 2008)

Hey Everyone


BFN for me and i am just lost for words. How do you just get up and get on with life   


anyone want chat too me, feel very much alone xx


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## Katie789 (Dec 12, 2010)

Roxy,

There are no words to say how much I wish you werent going through this. Absolutely nothing anyone said to me, no matter how nice or kind their words were brought me any comfort or took away the pain I was feeling. I wasnt pregnant and that was it. Nothing else mattered. Like you I felt alone. While I couldnt ask for a better husband I didnt feel he could truly understand the ache in my heart. My friends are all great, but they all got pregnant within months so they will never understand it. 

Im not exactly sure what helped me pick myself up roxy, and I definately do still have very frequent wobbles. I dread people making announcements and automatically think they are pregnant if they feel sick, or mention any pregnancy symptom under the sun. And I know them all. Like with any grief, I cant imagine the pain of being unable to have children will ever go away, but it will become bearable. You may not be able to see it now, but you will get through this stage of your life. You will have options. You will have choices. You really will xx 

Katie


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## birba (Feb 7, 2011)

Hi Roxy,
just wanted to give a big hugh  
There are no words to explain the pain and the ache in your heart, we all understand this but you are not alone, as impossible as it sound you need to stay positive and really be kind and love yourself in this very difficult moment.
This is not the end, don't give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel
Big big hugh xxxxxx


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## roxychick121 (Aug 2, 2008)

Hi Katie and birba


Ah thank you i am just so upset and feel very much alone, thank you for chatting to me. My friends and family are great but they just dont know how much pain im really in   


i cry just out of the blue   , i feel like a zombie walking about not knowing what the heck is going on!! Im a team maanger and i just have to get on with it, but im not coping to well.


i totally know what you mean about other people and symptom spotting its amazing the radar we have for figuring out if a friend or work collegue is preggers!!!


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## birba (Feb 7, 2011)

I know how it feels to put on a brave face, but I think you should defo take a couple of days off, go for a spa take your mind off.
The best way (very hard I know) is to distract yourself, it's normal to cry and you do have reasons, allow yourself to feel like this then do something for you and you only.
Let me know how you get on - we are all here for you


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Roxychick - its awful receiving a bfn. It hurts like hell ,  you feel useless and empty and then all the 'why's' and 'what ifs' set in. 
Others that haven't suffered from IF can't possibly know how we feel. It's not their fault its just the way life is. 
I too can work myself into a right state over other peoples pregnancies.  I hate that I behave and feel this way. I long to be 'normal' and to be able to honestly congratulate pregnant friends/relatives/work colleagues. But I find myself trying to make myself smile and say the right things then slump off to some quiet place and cry. 
I do try to be humble,thankful and content with what I have in life. I constantly remind myself that my IF problems are nothing compared to some peoples problems. There is always someone worse off than me. And during difficult times this mantra helps me calm and focus. But it doesn't totally take away the anguish and pain of wanting a baby. Theres only one solution to that pain, and that's a baby. That's the trouble with IF , knowing the worlds determined to make your dream a nightmare,knowing the road to success is probably going to be a long bumpy one. But this shouldn't put us off,nor should other peoples pregnancies,or unsuccessful fertility treatments. This process can surely only make us stronger. Because life is a little more difficult for us, we become more considerate towards other peoples problems and hardships. We have to take comfort from knowing we are not alone in this journey.This site proves it! Will we all succeed? yes I believe so. why? because I believe if you want something bad enough it has to happen.will we make good parents? quite possibly the best ever parents,as we longed for our children more than most!
We will all get there one way or another! 

xxx


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## roxychick121 (Aug 2, 2008)

lollipops my DH is trying to get me to do the same re: there is worse people out there than us!!


It is hard to think like that when u are so raw, but i will try. We booked a holiday for june 12 weeks to go yeh    


I dont know if we will do ICSI again not for another year or so, i cant cope with the stress pf it all need a break and also cant quite afford 3800 just like that   


wishing you all the best with what you all decide   


and thank you for chatting to me xx


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Roxychic - time is a healer. I know right now that seems lame, but it is true. I hate that treatment costs so much. There are very few that can afford on going treatment at the drop of a hat. We are saving for our next icsi , and its hard going. Not only the costs but the mental pressure and emotional side effects are hard to overcome. Everything just takes time. Go on your holiday. Soak up the sun. Smile and have fun! you deserve it!
Xxx


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## macker1 (May 28, 2010)

roxy delighted you are booking a holiday, it really will help you heal and then think of your next step, i really do wish you all the best hun


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## Katie789 (Dec 12, 2010)

Roxy,

Having a holiday is a great idea. Something to look forward to and enjoy with dh. Its something I have on my list of things to do if my tx doesnt work so that I have a distraction. Top of the list is getting vv drunk!! 

Maybe you could have a wee weekend before that just to nest up with dh? I went to a wee cottage up the country with dh after our first tx failed. The change of scenery made it easier to talk things through, and we made our decisions about next steps, etc. I think not knowing the next step was unsettling for me. Once the decision was made I could get on with the normal things again without being distracted every minute of the day.

My sil was the same. She made the decision not to try again after first ivf failed. They went down the fostering route as she couldnt put herself through it again and she said once the decision was made it was a huge relief as the pressure was off. Im a long way off making that kind of decision but I can understand why she wanted the pressure to stop. 

Hope today is brighter for you  

Katie xx


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## roxychick121 (Aug 2, 2008)

hey girlies


i am so xcited to have booked a holiday i cant wait   , need some me time, yeh i think we will go for a wee weekend break before then to keep us going get a bit of us time   


i feel like i have put myself in a little bubble and i don't want to come out of it incase i burst out crying. just get a bit weird when i look at other people with babies and prams i near take a panic attack which i don't think is good is it    


girls do u get like this??


anyone watching marshlands? scary !!!!


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## birba (Feb 7, 2011)

Hi Roxychick good on the holiday that's the best thing you can do!
Yeah I get like this when I see prams and babies I think it's normal because we are focusing on what we don't have ... yet

Just watching some good old will&grace takes my mind off everything

Big big hugh


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