# Coping with BFN



## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Hi I just got a BFN and I'm still trying to process it a bit.  I don't really understand what I'm feeling.  I knew this could happen but I just was too confident it would.  I'm 40 and I just had my first failed IVF.  I still have one embie left to transfer so that's a good thing.  Anyone of you ladies just had a BFN and wish to talk?  I certainly need to.


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Hi VanGn I'm here for you if you need to chat.  I hope you are having all the support you need back home.  Sometimes seeking a psychologist or a trained therapist also helps.  Please keep the faith VanGn.  As I recall, you still have one embie waiting for you. Love and hugs dear.


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## Jupiter 96 (Aug 12, 2016)

Hi VanGn

I have told that often the first BFN is the most painful.... 

I am similar to you in age and I had my first BFN in October and I still feel a little bruised by the experience even now.  I actually felt ten times worse in that BFN moment and for a good while after that despite trying to prepare myself as best as I could.

I too am considering the FET cycle to come and how I will manage all mental/emotional part of the cycle.  My consultant advised me to speak to the counsellor and even though I found the cycle emotionally challenging I really didn't feel that I needed to speak to a counsellor but I may do it anyway.... after all, it can't hurt... well I hope not anyway! Is that an option for you too?

If you need to chat I am also here

Jx


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Hi Jupiter my love to you dear


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Thank you Jupiter, I thought of getting counselling but right now, I feel I can manage.  My partner and I are going through this together and our circle of family and friends are aware of our journey and are very supportive about it.  As long as I get a bit of enough sleep and eat well, I think I will be okay.

Do you have other children?  We have an 11 year old girl    Her presence helps too.

When do you think you can start your FET?


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Hi MommyKenny thank you


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## Jupiter 96 (Aug 12, 2016)

Ditto MommyKenny! Thank you

@ VanGn
How are you feeling now?

We're at the mercy of AF really now.  The clinic isn't doing any treatment over Chrismas so AF really needs to come the first week of Jan ideally.  However, I have irregular periods and quite long gaps so your guess is as good as mine but definitely as soon as is possible in 2020.

Do plan to go for a FET soon?

I have been blessed with a son, he is an adult now.  I alway wanted more but never really felt that I had enough to give a second a good life back then.  Looking back now I can see how hard I was being on myself.  I planned to have another, thought that I still had time and then the cancer arrived and basically made the decision for me pretty much.


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Dear Jupiter, the Big C?  You are really a survivor!  Lots of hugs to your dear   I hope you get your miracle baby next year.  Did you have your own eggs frozen?


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Jupiter so sorry about your cancer.  Glad to know you are trying again.  I should read the histories at the bottom!


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Jupiter 96 said:


> Ditto MommyKenny! Thank you
> 
> @ VanGn
> How are you feeling now?
> ...


Jupiter, I am now beginning my meds, after that will wait for AF to start on another round of meds to get a proper lining. If things go well, we are hoping to fly back to Dunya for the transfer mid-Feb.

How are you now? Did AF finally show up?


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## Jupiter 96 (Aug 12, 2016)

Hi VanGn

That’s so great that you are cycling again! How is it going?

I have had a cancelled cycle and will start a long protocol  on CD21.  It’s my first time down regulating, I am nervous about this but tentatively happy to be moving towards a transfer. The previous BFN experience is accepted but not forgotten.

I have my fingers crossed for you!

Jx


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Sadly BFNs are almost part of the process.  I had 2 failed IUI before I went for IVF using both egg and sperm donors.  It took a long and difficult time to accept it, but here we are!  Nearing 31 weeks now and grateful for every day passing


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## Jupiter 96 (Aug 12, 2016)

Wow! 31 weeks Mommy Kenny! Congratulations

Do the days of TTC seem like a million years ago now?!
What would you now say to yourself of yester-year with all the experience that you have gained on your journey?  I don't mean regrets as such, maybe advice to yourself.

I paid for my prescription today, down regulation awaits!

What a crazy journey this is!

Hope all is well with you VanGn 


Jx


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

MommyKenny I suppose pregnancy is as normal as any?  No difference whether you got pregnant through IVF or not right?

Jupiter, I'm not down-regging so mine might be quicker, anyway will be taking scan soon.  Good luck on down-regging, let us know how it goes!


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Jupiter, wow!  You're right!  Seems like ages ago!  This journey is more than 4 years.  That's a very good question.  But quite hard to answer.  Advice to myself?  None really, what I would like to give myself is a pat in the back , for all the patience and pain.  And to continue taking things as they come.  Frustrations come from insisting on something that can't be. 

VanGn, I'd say yes, but we do have to look out for gestational diabetes or other complications from all the stims and other meds.


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## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Finally have a date, Feb. 26, wish me luck!


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## Jupiter 96 (Aug 12, 2016)

Oh Wow VanGn!  Brilliant news 

Wishing you oodles and ooodles of luck!!

Keep us posted 

Jx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

amazing news, the very best of luck with your journey x


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