# Getting fed up and a little bit desperate!



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Everyone!

I havent been on the boards for a while and to be honest was just getting on with my day to day life work, booking an holiday etc. until a bolt out of the blue we got a letter through from our social worker, which I must say thought was a little inpersonal and a phonecall, home visit would of been better.

She was basically telling me and my dh that since we were approved in January (07), there has been no suitable matches at all, we are on the national register and their local consortium also.  She also told us that she has since learnt that there is few children in the age range we have requested (white girl 0-3years), and they have also closed their books to future adopters requesting this criteria.  We live in west yorkshire apparantly the LA have more dual heritage children available for adoption than white children making our plight even more difficult!! (We are a white couple).

She then said she will be in touch from time to time so we dont lose contact (charming!)

Is this the norm? We really dont know where to go from here.  My dh has since rung her up and asked what alternative options we have and she informed they are no other options but to wait, he asked about international adoption but she wasnt very helpful with this either.

We are quite upset and frustrated about all this now I do appreciate the matching process can be a long winded affair (a bit like this post ) but it doesnt seem like there is any light at the end of the tunnel.

We have been scrolling photo listings on international adoption sites and there are loads of eastern european children desperate to be placed, but ideally we would like to adopt from our own country mainly because we were told both through our LA and what you hear on the media that there our thousands of children needing placing in the UK.

Any comments, ideas advice greatly welcomed

Cheers

Dawny36


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi dawny

Don't want to put my foot in but as you say 4 months is not a long time to wait BUT when you get a letter out of the blue from your SW, which I have to agree was a bit out of order, a phone call or a visit to your house would have been a lot better.  Things must look very disappointing.

All I can say is hang in there, it will happen and if possible send out flyer's to local SS in your ares, stating your facts, that your newly approved and what kind of child you are willing to take on.

SW do say all sorts of things and they then have to retract it all as they don't have a crystal ball and don't know what will happen in the next few weeks/months/days!.

I don't know anything about international adoption but would say stick with here for a few more months.

Talk to the national register people if you can, see if there has been any enquires and most importantly don't give up hope!

I wish you lots of luck.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your words of advice much appreciated.

I will of course hang in there and I know eventually we will be placed just dont want to be drawing my pension when we do  

I think like most of us on here we have been through hell and back before we get to this stage which does make us stronger people.

Thanks again

Dawn


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Dawney,
Just to add my support really. I know 4 months feels like an age but sadly many have waited alot longer than that. As hard as it seems it's still early days for you! I know it certainly wont feel like that! I do agree with Andrea that a letter out of the blue like that is not good enough. I kept trying to plan short term fun things to do weekends away, nights out while you can! seeing friends all daft stuff but fun and keeps you sane while the wait goes on.
Good luck and keep us posted love JD x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Dawn

Have to say we never heard a word for over six months - then a call to say we had not been forgotten 

We waited quite a while and to be honest it felt like an age but people we knew kept saying things like "oooh its not long really is it"? 

but i am sure it will all be worth the while

good luck hun

LB
X


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Dawny,
Well, we were approved 3 weeks ago, and already it feels as though we've been waiting too long!  but then patience isn't really my strong point. Our SW has been great (and also very honest) about waiting times and our LA has put together quite a handout as well as arranging a night to go through what we can expect during this stage, which is basically lots of waiting!  We have been told to put together a flyer to circulate after 3 months and also encouraged to look in publications such as Be my Parent and Children who wait, of course it might not speed things up but if you're like me I find it helps to feel that I'm being proactive!
Hopefully you'll get better news soon.
Viva
XXX


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Dawney

Just wanted to add my support.

I'd forgotten how frustrating and upsetting the waiting game can be. To them at SS it's just their jobs, but it's our lives that we put on hold. And each week that passes with no phonecall or news can seem like an eternity. It's inevitable that you'll feel forgotten about, I think we've all felt that at some stage through the process. 
In my experience, it's worth keeping the pressure on, keep dropping the odd email here and there to your SW.
I agree with Viva, if you can get hold of the publications she's mentioned, then at least you feel like you're doing something in your search, and you never know, your little girl may well be in that book!!

It won't feel like it now, but the end result truly is worth the wait, so hang on in there

xx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Dawny36

I know how frustrating this whole procedure is, we were approved in March of this year after starting the process back in Jul 05 (long story!).

Although we still have no match we are very lucky because our SW comes to see us approx every 4 weeks just to let us know that they haven't forgotten us!

We are lucky though in that we are not in any way feeling stressed about waiting for the phonecall, I suppose that we have waiting for so long now to have a family it seems no different to normal!  

Keep positive your dream will come true in time.

T x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi dawn

i hope the waiting game is a little bit more easier knowing you have friends on here who know exactly what you are going through!

I hope also that you've managed to follow up some of the good advice that was offered on here to you.
Have you thought about sending flyer's out & had a look in be my parent and children who wait?

Don't be put off by children who appear in these magazines, I don't mean that in a horrible way BUT some people think the only reason they are in there is because they are hard to place NOT TRUE!!  they appear in these magazines to broaden the search for new adoptive parents for them.

Our DS was in be my parent, although it was our SW who was told about him before they could stop the photo and details going into it, long story, he is fine & an excellent match to us.

I wish you lots of luck  keep holding onto the dream that you will be a family!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi all,

Just wanted to post my thanks to everyone who replied.

I am very grateful to everyones advice and encouragement.

Since my last post I have registered with be my parent and recieved the June issue last weekend although there were know suitable children in there it still lifted my spirits and at the same time it was sad to see the faces of children waiting for someone to become their new parents.

Our social worker has also been in touch again and she was going to come and do a home visit but had to cancel at the last minute as her daughter had chicken pox (I couldnt hold that against her!), we have also had correspondence from an american agency who would be willing to assist in helping us adopt a child overseas so there is an option there if we have £12,000 spare.

I feel a little more positive about things and I suppose some days you do become dispondent and negative.

I wish everyone lots of luck also who are waiting to be matched and I know We are not the only ones.

Bye for now

Dawny36


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi, I know how you feel.  We are waiting for a white child either sex aged 0-3.  We were approved in May last year and are still waiting!  We keep being told that "it will happen one day".  Same thing we were told when trying for a baby really!

Keep in touch.


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