# Failed 1st IVF with OE , Advice from ppl who have used DE please



## Lornaandpaul (Mar 30, 2016)

hi,  We have just undergone our first cycle of ivf with my own eggs ,  we only managed to get 2 follicles but had eggs from both .. both fertilised and i had 2 4cell embryos put back but unfortunately it didnt work  

I think i want to try to use my own eggs again at least once more (in a few months when im a little more mentally stable ! )  and have read a lot about how to increase egg quality with royal jelly , antioxidants etc etc ... but this next time around having read so many peoples stories on here i will be a LOT more realistic about my chances working !  ( i was so sure after getting to the embryo transfer stage that it was going to work  ) 

Anyway ... my question is .... When using DE ... how do you ladies feel about telling people that you've used DE ,  has it impacted how you feel about the whole pregnancy ,  does your partner behave.treat you any differently ... im sorry if ive rambled a bit , i am just so confused and have so many questions , it is still early days i guess as i only had my negative result this past monday but all i can think about is ivf and how i can get that BFP 

( i am 42 and my partner is 44 ) 

Lorna x


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## ivyf (Sep 29, 2011)

Hey so sorry you've found yourself here but you are in good company the ff ladies are amazing and it wouldn't have my daughter without the guidance on here. Letting go of using oe isn't easy and you'll know when you're ready but once you've made your peace with de it is the most wonderful thing. We told everyone close to us and had 100% positive reactions and now it's only me that mentions it as it's just not important to anyone else. I never thought I'd find myself here but life couldn't be any better and that's thanks to de. Take care of yourself x


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## Maggiephatcat (Feb 21, 2010)

Hello Lornaandpaul,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in the position  I remember myself having such high hopes when my DH and I did IVF for the first time. I only mangled one follicle and one egg and it didn't work. I dusted myself down ready for my follow up consultation thinking my consultant could just increase my meds, stimulate me to produce more follicles but I was told my chances of success with OE were less than 5%. At the time I felt like he'd run over me with a bus I was so shocked. He asked if we'd considers donor eggs and it wasn't something we'd really properly talked about. At first I had a lot of doubts; what would people think if I used donor eggs? Would I love a baby that wasn't conceived using my eggs? BUT my DH and I wanted a baby so much we talked about my fears and decided our longing for a baby was so strong we felt we could overcome my fears, and I did.

Moving on to donor eggs is a big decision and not for everyone. What I can tell you is I now have a happy, healthy 3 year old son, conceived using donor eggs at a conic in Spain. I couldn't love my little boy any more if he was conceived using DE. From the minute I found out I was pregnant he was mine.

Did you know there is a board here on the forum for donor conception? I'm going to post a link below for you to the door eggs sub board. Have a read through and why not post on there? I'm sure there will be lots of ladies in a similar position to you. 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=551.0

Wishing you lots of luck with your journey. 

Maggie xxx


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Lorna
So sorry about your failed cycle.  I remember our first attempt with oe, we got 3 eggs and all fertilised and had all put back.  I didn't know then that IVF doesn't always work so our bfn (on Christmas Day) was both a huge shock and heartbreak.  Our second try didn't even get any eggs so there was no point trying again.

Moving to de was however fairly straightforward (although again not without some tears).  It was either de and a chance of a baby or nothing.  I chose the hope of a family.  My wee one now is demanding attention do I will keep this brief.  He is everything to me and indeed to my wider family.  They all dote on him.  I'm open to anyone re IVF but only close family know about de - I've still had nothing but positivity.

Sorry, nappy to change!
Turia x


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## Lornaandpaul (Mar 30, 2016)

Thankyou ladies for your kind replies and congratulations to you all on your wonderful children    

Turia - yes, i too was convinced that once we had the embryos in that dish that one out of the two was going to stick - i was even hopeful (secretly)  that they both would ! 

Maggie -  thankyou for the link - i will head there now once ive finished this post. 

Ivyf - Genetic link is a tough one to let go of but after discussions with my partner i get the feeling that it is HE who will struggle with it more than me, even though we will be using his sperm. 

As i already said .. a BIG congrats and thankyou to all you lovely ladies on here, you have kept me sane over the last 3 weeks and although I havent been posting much I have followed all your stories with fingers crossed and sometimes tissues ! 

Best wishes to all of you x


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## Mels11 (Nov 3, 2014)

Hi Lorna, as you've said, it's early days for you so hopefully treatment with OE will work. Someone on here described IVF as a course of treatments rather than just one & I found that really helpful. But, if you do have to move onto DE then I think you'll be surprised by how quickly you adapt to the idea. My family & close friends all know & no-one has the slightest problem with it. My parents are absolutely obsessed with their grand daughter & couldn't love her any more. If you read about epigenetics that will help & recent evidence has also shown that fragments of your DNA are absorbed by the embryo from your uterus so you do have much more of an influence on your baby than you might think. I've said this on here before & I mean it; if I could turn the clock back & have a baby with OE, I wouldn't. My baby is the baby I was meant to have & I wouldn't change her for the world. 
Good luck & if you do decide to move to DE (& you've lots of time, it's legal in the UK up to the age of 55 years) do at least consider seeking treatment overseas. Some of the clinics overseas are extremely professional & have very good success rates xx


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## morganna (Sep 16, 2008)

my baby is also DEFINATELY the baby i was meant to have!!


she was in DIVINE order   as i put it!! 


she is more than i could ever have dreamed of     


i thank God every day for her.


M. xx


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