# Decision time advice required



## helenosteo (Jan 6, 2010)

Hi

I am somewhat new in the fact that I have only been a member since the begin of this year.

I am 44 yrs and do not have any history of gyn problems.

This may seam a little frivolous so sorry in advance.

The situation is that I began in the last couple of years to feel that time was running out re the possibility of having childern and also began to think that if time did run out and I did not have a child that I might regret it.  With this in mind 2 / 3 years ago I started to investigate my options.  I came to the conclusion that due to age my best option was embryo donation / adoption and I emailed several clinics and then narrowed it down to 2, Eugin & Reprofit.  At this point due to life changes ect I put it off for a year and then it got put off again until now and I decided that a decision and action must be taken this year / forget about it.

1st problem:  I am worried that if I dont do this I will reach a point where I cant do it and will regret it.

2nd problem:  I am worried that if I do this it will be successfull and will I regret having a child, will I be able to cope physically and mentally at 45 becomming a parent.

3rd problem: I emailed reprofit blood group in June and was put on the reg.  They emailed me back yesterday with the news that they have 1x XB & 1x HB available both grade 1 & sent me a list of medication Progynova, Prednisolon, Utrogestan & Asprin.  They / I have not done any tests & I have never been to the clinic.  I dont know where to even start to get these medications as I presume that my GP is not going to perscribe them re my age. I was very excited when I got the email and really elated and then the next day I was oh my god what am I doing type feeling.

Eugin on the other hand want to see me prior to registering me and perform some tests to establish that all is ok gyn speaking as I have had no prev tests (ultrasound & cervico).  From there I assume it would be the same situ re medication.  

I decided that if I was to do this I would do it once only and if it didnt work leave it there as it was not ment to be, fair enough.  But what if I do this and it works.  If i dont do it will I always regret it, if I do do it and it works will I regret it.  I have no experience of childern at all, in any capicity, what I do know for certain is that there is going to come a time soon where the decision will not be mine to make.

My BF (best friend) says go for it, but then I feel she is bound to say that because she wants to support me in life.  My partner has no oppinion either way, is taking a back seat and will support me whatever I do.

I am at a point now where I do not know what to do.  I am not asking someone else to make the decision for me, I know I have to do this myself but I do not know any older mothers / older people who have tried this to discuss this with.  Is what I'm feeling what everyone goes through?  

I am totally at sea with this and could really use some experience.  I dont know what at this stage.

Thank you in advance Helen


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Helen

its a difficult decision you face, as you have not previously been a mother, its natural for you to feel cautious, if you were in your twenties doing things the natural way you would feel nervous, so now older and wiser we become much more cautious as we get older, things you once would have done when you were young, you now wouldnt do....so its your cautious older head telling you to be careful. You have to temper this with your desire to have a baby. Its perfectly possible for this to happen, and you would cope and be fine as all new mums are.
I would say try, take the plunge, the thing is IVF/donor IVF is not an exact science, so you have to face the fact the treatment many not work, and you may have to have a few goes...but if you dont try you will never know and could be left wishing and wondering. You have a small window of opportunity which will slip away if you dont take action.
I am 45, I had 3 kids in my 20's naturally, then met a man with no kids when I was 40. He really wants a baby of his own, and we are still trying 5 years on and 5 IVF cycles later..........!
Doing IVf abroad is a scary process, as clinics overseas dont do things quite like the UK, some clinics seem unorganised and unprofessional, others seems scary just because you can understand whats going on. As long as you choose a clinic that is well known and others have been and tried you willbe safe and all will be fine. You can log onto the clinic thread and get all the info from other women using that clinic who will tell you everything you need to know, this site is essential for guiding you through the process and getting support when you feel freaked out!Many clinics overseas treat you in a kind of 'factory process line way'!!! because they see so many UK women they just get on and do what they need to do to get you pregnant and it can seem like things are out of control. The clinic you are worried about when just want you to take the drugs and go over just have a 'fast and loose' approach, it obviously works for them.
I would suggest you find a private consultant here in the UK who will support you on your journey.
I approached my local gyny consultant at my local hospital. I rang his secretary and made a private appointment. You dont need a referal from your GP to see a private consulatnt, you can 'self refer' , you may have to try a few before you find some one, but I was lucky and got to see my local consultant the same week. I explained what I wanted to do, and asked if he would support me privately, as you may need prescriptions, and scans before flying out to have the treatment. He agreed, and has been very good, sorting out blood tests and scans for anything the overseas clinic has asked for.  I have had to pay around £140 each time I see him, and if I need a prescription I have to pay for it ( one injection I needed was £152 !!!!) but thats the price you pay for going for private treatment overseas. You definately need someone here to explain things and support you here.
I tried to have treatment previously without any UK support and it was very difficult, I then came back from overseas having had the treatment and needed some more drugs and couldnt get anyone to write me a prescription- my GP was an **** and wouldnt help- I eventually had a miscarriage as I couldnt get the drugs ( you have to continue to take meds after treatment especially if you get pregnant as your body needs the support as its a donor egg not one your own body was released)
So I would encourage you to research, be happy and sure on your choice of clinic, it has to 'feel right' then get all your info and treatment plan and find yourself some UK support and go for it.
In some of the larger cities especially in London there are private IVF clinics/hospitals that will support you over here.
Good luck dont hesitate to ask any more questions if you need to!

Lily xx


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