# New Thread Has Been Started For Those Of Us With Kids Age 10+



## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=91948.new#new


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## angies (Sep 25, 2003)

My son is 12 in Sept 07, I adore him, he's the best thing ever!  I married in Sept 94, I came off the pill and was pregnant 3 months later , oh what joy,  so exciting, a whole new life to start and experience.  What a journey it has been, from learning to hold him, dress him,  feed him to helping him do these things for himself.  I remember the first day he brought a book home from nursery and thinking " Oh! my goodness I've got to help him learn to read"   It has been challenging, hard, difficult at times but most of all it has been fun and when I sit back and take a look at my beautiful son I am filled with love and pride, he is a treasure.    But there's always the shadow in my life of "secondary infertility"  It's 10 years this June since I came off the pill and after 6 failed episodes of IVF treatments I am still struggling to come to terms with it, especially as the cause is "unknown".  I wish there was a cause then maybe I could accept it.  The longing never goes away, I constantly count my days, although I am so in tune with my cycle I really don't need to.  I constantly cry once a month too.  It was truly painful when my Son used to ask me for a brother or a sister, I was honest with him from the beginning and he understands now that I may never be able to give him a sibling, I turn 40 at Christmas 07  and that is my cut off date, that is the date I finally say enough is enough, it will be the hardest thing, but I need to put an end to it, I need to start a new life.  I know it's hard for people who haven't any children but I thought I'd share my true life story to show it's equally as hard for those of us suffering with "secondary infertility".  People say the most hurtful things, but they have no idea how hurtful they are because they haven't a clue what it's like.  I used to tell people when they asked why I only had one child but I got sick of the pity in their eyes, so now I tell people I only ever wanted one, it's easier that way. It used to annoy me when people said to me "well, at least you've got one" or "you should have more that one", but I let it go because they don't know my situation.  I have in the past had someone tell me they had to go and get some emergency contraception because they hadn't used precautions!   That's my life, I didn't choose this life, I would have had 3 kids if my I had my way, but hey!  I have a beautiful, happy, charming, confident son and a fantastic husband,  what more do I need?  I must say I feel so much better for this, I 've cried all the way through typing it but I feel relieved, it's off my chest now.  My 40th birthday is a turing point in my life, I think I can face it now.


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Hi angies, sending you a huge hug hun, come & join us on daily messages to say hi!! Take care, hope to chat soon, luv sam xxxx


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## angies (Sep 25, 2003)

Thanks Sam, I will but I'm really new at this message board posting so I'm learning.  Feel loads better after my last post.  Read a few others and it's comforting to know there are others out there in my situation to share feelings with etc..  You think you're so alone but you're not.

Thanks

Angie


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## *Lollipop* (Feb 1, 2007)

Dear Angies,

You are not alone honey, my son will be 11 years old soon and once again it is a reminder of how long we have been trying for our second child. Like you we have been on that rollercoaster for so long now, we have been ttc for ten years now, but time still isnt a healer is it?, I love my ds more than life itself sometimes it seems. I too have tried to be honest with him (I wasnt quite sure how to put it) i did see a lot of hurt in his eyes but i think he is getting used to the idea now. Prob like you i still feel really guilty, i feel like i am really letting him down as well as my dh. My son was delivered by an emergency c-section due to fetal distress, i dont know if this is our reason with ttc afterwards. However my ds means everything to me and i have been saying to myself recently well at least i have a lovely boy that is healthy. (I keep thinking if they had delayed during my delivery he could have been born with some health problem) Thinking along these lines is sort of helping me to come to terms with my situation, if you know what i mean. I understand what you mean by people being cruel and dont you find its all the ones with 2 and 3 children that are making the comments. I never ask anyone that i meet with one child, are you having another one? Its just a question that doesnt appear in my mind. Maybe angies there is not a lot of sensitive people left in this world.
During the years i have had a lot of surgery for endo, in between treatments but like you they still say unexplained which is i agree even more frustrating. There are a lot of postive stories on here and they do make you feel like you can go on even on the days that you feel you cant(does that make sense!)
there is a saying, i read on here rejoice in what you have and look forward to what is yet to come, i think that sums it up, Just remember you are not alone honey, love to you and your family...Gabriellexxxxxxx


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## skye (Apr 6, 2004)

hi lads n ladies, i have dd aged 13 ...nightmare...from previous marriage since then had 3 failed icsi with new dh (not really new 8yrs) and planning to ttc again just one last time...thats the jist of it lol good luck xxxxx


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## Dita (Sep 19, 2007)

Hello ladies and I hope everyone is well. Im 41 and  I have 4 children from my previous marriage, 21, 19, 14, and nearly 12.  Then I was bullied into sterilisation by mum and husband. Anyway, met my dp 3 years ago who hasnt got children but really wants them. anyway for a long time I was very unsure about having treatment to have a baby, then last year I nearly lost my dp and it made me realise just how much he ment to me and how important he was in my life. So at the start of the year, we looked into have my sterilisation reveresed but a sperm test showed that his count was very very low, in fact  the consultant said that it would be a miracle if he ever got anyone pregnant and we were advised to have icsi.
    So that is what we are doing, we went over to Norway for our treatment, I was put on the pill for 48 days to give my ovaries a rest and I will be starting the nasal spray on the 6th October, injection on the 24th.  I am on a high dose of injection, 375 a day, 5 vials in one day.

    Unfortunately this will be our only go at it because of finances, and we have decided to tell no one, which is very hard as I cant speak to anyone about how I am feeling ect.......until now that is


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## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

Hi Dita...Nice to see you hun. I think I saw you in the chatroom  

Sorry to hear about your problems. But hopefully you'll get your dream  

My oldest son is 18 in November (oh my time flies   ) I'm almost in the same position as you where my new DH has no children.

Hope to talk more and see you in the chatroom sometime  

Vicki x


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## Dita (Sep 19, 2007)

Hello Vicki, yep, that was me in the chat room lol.  Your not wrong there, time does fly past, cant believe my eldest is 22 at the end of october and my other son was 19 tuesday, its scary stuff!!!!! 


Lets hope we all get our dream eh babes


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## jessfiveash (Sep 17, 2008)

hello all  
i have a 10 yr old (11 in may) from a previous relationship & wanted kids close together  
now with my hubby 7 yrs and still nothing  
ivf in dec     so will have to wait and see previous treatments as you can guess BFN's

my son has always wanted a sibling too and for years used to write it on his   list used to break my heart when i saw his face in the moriing with the disapoint ment!!
but now aged 10 we've included him all the way thro...he was there for us during iui he was so intriged but the injections so we were very honest with him  

now we have orders..lol..only brothers please he says!! he said " tell the hosptial i dont want any sisters!"

jess x x


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## sarylou (Aug 6, 2006)

my son has always wanted a sibling too and for years used to write it on his  list used to break my heart when i saw his face in the moriing with the disapoint ment!!
but now aged 10 we've included him all the way thro...he was there for us during iui he was so intriged but the injections so we were very honest with him 

now we have orders..lol..only brothers please he says!! he said " tell the hosptial i dont want any sisters!"

jess x x
[/quote]

This struck such a chord with me. My ds (from previous relationship) asked for many years on his dear santa letter please can I have a brother. Then it became id even have sister if I could just have someone    that broke my heart into tiny pieces.

I feel such a failure towards him for never giving him what he wanted so much. He isnt a spoilt child and never asks for anything and yet the one thing he really wanted I failed to give him.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Guest (Dec 4, 2008)

sarylou, i could have wrote your last post myself hun  

ive got a 10 yr old ds (prev rel) me and dh have been trying for 8 years now for another.
all the details are on my profile but for shortness theres no chance now  

anyway, ds from aged 3 sat on santas knee and asked for a baby and a garden (we lived in a flat) every years he would look amongst his presents for the baby and out the window for the garden.

he now has a garden, just no baby. we've been honest and open about the tx right thru and he has been very grown up about it.

but still i feel so guilty that i cant give him the one thing he wants. every now and then he will see a baby and will say "i wish i had a brother mum, but i know i cant can i" he gets upset that he will never be a brother which is bad enough cos then i go on to think that not only will he never be a brother but never an uncle, he will never have nieces or nephews  

sorry ive gone so negative, i dont come on ff much now and tend not to talk about infertilty, so when i do i get over emotional.

i will come back when i can be more positive   cant wait to get to know u all  

mazzy xxx


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## sentor09 (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi
I know how you all feel as I have a 10 yr old who is perfect but it really aches every month when I am not pregnant.  About to start IVF on 20th and I am annoyed that I have to do this aged 39 and healthy.  A nurse told me last week that we have had the strengh to do it before so we can find the strength to do it again!  perhaps she is right but it pisses me off!  You are all so strong keep going!  I will pray to the angels for you. Sentor x


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