# I feel really emotional, keep crying!



## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Hi, I am on my second round of IVF (first was last year, very emotional cycle, low fertilization and 2 embies transfered day 2 and sadly not successful) this time I've had a really positive short protocol cycle with 10 eggs collected, 9 fertilised 2 little blasocyts transferred on 14th March, now day 8 post egg collection. I had an intralipid injection to reduce my immune system day after egg transfer.

I am so happy the little ones are on board but I keep slipping into negative thinking as it didn't work last time. It's making me really emotional and I keep crying! I'm beating myself up that my bodies not going to hold on to them and the more I think like this the more emotional I get! Has anyone got any top tips on how to settle my mind and make me think it is possible and stop worrying so much! I'll be exhausted by the time I take a test.

Happy positive vibes to all x


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

Vanessa, I could have wrote that post myself! Yesterday I blubbed like a baby, real heavy sobs!! I am on my 2ww too, I'm blaming the pessaries for my mini breakdown!!! However I do feel slightly better today, I'm going to go to a lovely garden centre for a look round and a big piece of cake!! I think the only thing we can do is try to keep ourselves entertained, are you off work at the moment, do you have someone I talk to etc? 

Nic
Xx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Dear Nic, 
Thank you for your lovely message, you have just put a huge big smile on my face! By DH has been worrying so much and has been trying to think of something to cheer me up, and I think you're right I need a trip out and the idea of cake is making me feel much happier  ! Thank you! 
Happy cake eating and lots lovely positive vibes to you  
Vanessaxx
P.s. I agree about the progesterone!


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## Lorna1547 (Sep 6, 2011)

Hi ladies

My hubby done exactly the same thing for me on my 2ww.  My first attempt failed, and I was sure the second attempt would end the same.  So my hubby said to me "right, I'm taking you out for lunch".  We had a great time and I had a huge sticky toffee pudding to end the meal and it was bliss.  It also helped me and my hubby to talk about things openly, in a different environment.  

Go eat cake girlie, you will feel so much better.

I really hope this is your time hon (I'm sure it is, as I was an emotional wreck the second time round - good old hormones eh?).

Good luck huni.

L xxxx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

Lots of lovely vibes to you too, chin up, have the biggest slab of cake they offer you and I am sure it will do the trick

Lots of hugs

Nic
Xx


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## SeonieNics (Aug 5, 2010)

Hello fellow ladies in waiting  

I am glad to see that I am not the only one needing cake! Tonight my 2 best girlie friends are coming over to keep me company while Hubby goes out for a well deserved meal with his mates. Us girls are having a cupcake and movie night YUMMY! 

It is hard to stay positive, and I had a few tears too last night. Then we started laughing because the wonderful pessaries are making my tummy windy (sorry if tmi) and it was making some interesting  noises!!

We are also waiting for news on my hubby's sister who is in labour at the mo! I thought I would be upset but I'm actually really excited   

Keep smiling Ladies and eat cake! 

Seona xx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

Good luck to you too seona, I thinks it's only natural that were going slightly cuckoo! Someone wrote on here the other day ' They say the definition of madness is to repeat the same thing and expect a different result'. Which I think sums us all up!!

Nic
Xx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Hey Vanessa and other lovely Ladies   

I could have also written that post myself! We had out first cycle last year which ended in chem pg and i am finding it very hard to be positive this time, at all! also i feel really guility as last time I spoke to embs every day but this time every time i try and speak to them and tell them to stay and grow i just cry so have stopped, poor things what if they think i dont love them!

Sorry Vanessa that's not going to cheer you up is it! all i can say is you are not alone sweetie, i really dont have any words of advice but i think what the other ladies have said about doing something nice is a really good idea. i havnt been eating cake but i have been googling cake recipes tonight, and might bake one tomorow. Treat yourself, pamper yourself and get DH to spoil you! 
Hang on in there     it is your time, this time, lots of     xxxx

Ps Seona I know just what you mean about the pessaries


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## Jen xx (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey hun,I'm not gonna say I no how u feel cos i was lucky enough to only have to go thru it once however I did go thru endless months(6yrs) of negative tests so can imagine wat its like to go thru tx only for it not to work!!when we started tx my dh was so positive,not that he thought it would defo work but his attitude was 'wats for u will not go by u' and even if it didn't work it wouldn't be the be all and end all for us!!it really rubbed of on me cos my thought was'if it didn't work I'd keep tryin till it did,not necessarily thru tx but thru adoption too,we always said regardless that we'd want to adopt at some stage cos u don't have to carry a child to be a mummy and daddy,its wat u have to offer that child that counts!!I no everyone wants to have their own baby however sometimes life has a different plan for us so maybe it could be somethin u would consider after ur tx!!by the help of god ur tx will be successful so u mite not have to consider that route but just remember the option is always there!!

Lots of love
Jenna xx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Hi lovelies,
thank you so much for all your lovely messages, i send you all a big big hug!   i felt so much better yesterday afternoon, took your advise went out with DH and got spoilt, ate delicious cake and I think it was the best thing I could have done! Came home watched movies and chilled out. So no more crying, trying to stay positive, I think apart from the raging hormones its the fact its totally out of our control and its very easy to suddenly get into a negative thinking pattern when you aren't being given big obvious signals! Nic your quote was great, just summed it up perfectly. I think thats what set me off, I was feeling the same as last time so I just assumed its not going to work. But I     it will for all of us!

Bluesbird, i was so touched by what you wrote and totally understand how you feel, i feel guilty if i don't do enough talking to mine but I just wanted to say, don't worry if you don't talk to your little embs everyday,  you love them more than anything and they're going to love you whatever and even more if you bake them a big cake!!!   i send you a huge hug   and lots happy positive vibes     xxx

Jen, thanks for your message re adoption, my DH and I have definitely thought about it, it was something i had been thinking about since I was about 20 as I have PCOS and they said I may not have kids, but now treatments etc have moved on so much and I really believe that somehow, hopefully this time     that we will have our own kids. but you are right there are options and lots of kids without parents, so who knows! i liked your DH's quote, thats really lovely. 

Seona, how was your cupcake and movie night and how did your sister in law get on with her labour,   it all went well and safe x

have a lovely evening all you lovely ladies and thank you again for cheering me up with all your lovely messages, if any of you get blue I;m here for you too.

Love, happiness and lots of     and  
Vxxx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Hey V    Glad to hear you are feeling much better today sounds like you had a lovely time last night.
ah thanks for your words of comfort hugs and vibes thats really sweet of you, Big     back at ya. I am actually in the middle of baking a huge red velvet cake but unfortunatly embies are getting none of it, it is for a friends birthday, and i couldnt even scrape the bowl, my favourite bit!   xxxxxx


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## SeonieNics (Aug 5, 2010)

Hi Vanessa

Glad to hear that you had a lovely evening and are feeling better today. Cake eating should be made a compulsory thing to do on the 2ww! 

I'm pleased to say my niece was born by Cesarean this morning, mum and baby both doing well - yay I'm an Auntie   I had a little break down in tears, mixed emotions of being happy and feeling sorry for myself, but I've perked up a bit now.

Cupcake and movie evening was a good giggle just what I needed! 

Nic I love that quote! Best wishes to you too!

Bluesbird my friend said she used to call the pessaries fizzy bullets, that made me   Hope that your cake baking went well.

 to everyone, keep strong

Seona x


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## ulman (Apr 9, 2011)

hi Vanessa, i know how you feel.. this is our second and final chance on NHS, I have only 4 days left until blood test, around about this time last year I bled and so was not pregnant  I can't help bu tthink that the same thing will happen again this time..
i have been angry, frustrated, upset, depressed, anxious.. often snappy and horrid to my BF. SO hormonal, from one extreme to the next.

i really fear the negative result as I have NO IDEA how I will cope with a future without my own children.

BE STRONG!


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Dear Ulman,
I so understand how you feel, the whole process is terrifying and when you've been trying for so long you just can't imagine that it will happen to you. But it can! Nic had a great quote that said ' the definition of madness is to repeat something over and over again and expect a different result! How true is that, that sums up the 2ww!  

I send you loads of positive happy vibes that this is your time!  ^   
With regards to being able to have another go, i obviously don't know your scenario but don't give up! You never know what happens in life, so don't believe that's it, as it mat not be!  I wasn't able to do treatment on the NHS as for my area I was too old (over 35 and BMI too high) my DH and I run our own business and it's not easy financially but we found a way....i'm praying it happens this time too!!!!! That's all to be positive, and most importantly you must relax and look after yourself and go give you're BF a big hug! (I have to tell you I was a nightmare today! Snappy and horrible, I think because I'm worried too and my very patient dh said I'm trying to do my best I'm finding it really difficult too. I felt really bad! Hormones are a nightmare!!!!!)

Take care and loads of luck and  
Vanessax


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Congrats Seona on being an Auntie!!!  
I totally understand the emotions! My cousin had a baby in Feb and I felt the same, hoping some of her baby dust may rub off on to me!     love the fizzy bullets too! !

Bluesbird, what is the yummy red velvet cake you mentioned? sounds delicious! 
How are you doing? I'm going a bit crazy with the waiting, I feel more normal today (which obviously worries me!) I think if I was feeling unwell I'd blame the progesterone anyway! Weird to think this time next week we'll know!     lots of positivity!!!!!!!  

Take care all you lovely ladies and Ulman, masses of luck and positivity to you if you test tomorrow    xxx

Sleep well, Vx


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## ulman (Apr 9, 2011)

Hi vanessa,

THANK YOU! yeah I have being trying to be more supportive with my bf, BUT last night I was saying that I really felt i would get my period.... poor fella didn't know what to say.  I still have not bled so I do feel a little more positive every day it stays away.  
With regards to trying again, no, I don't think i could, it was hard enough getting the one egg! I was on the highest dosage of Gonal F this time.  I think being aged 40 is deffo the main cause as my infertility is classed as 'unexplained' and my bf is OK medically.
I think what we are going to do it write out a plan of action for either way, I need to change my career, home, outlook etc etc.  Maybe i will go off and do some travelling or some voluntary work abroad if this fails.

It is VERY daunting though.

I won't take a test until I get the blood test on friday I think, UNLESS i do cave in!!!!!!!!  

thanks again!

Best wishes.


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

EVening Ladies,
Hey Seona, congratulations on being an auntie that is lovely news but of course it is also going to be upsetting too, you wouldnt be human if you didnt have those mixed emotions hunnie xxx oh well i call them 'bum tablets' lady that i am! i take my morning one to work and do it there so i leave myself a note by the front door every night that says 'dont forget bum tablet' heaven forbid someone comes round and sees it one day    My cake baking went very well thanks, and i should hoe so after being in the kitchen til 10.30 blinking well frosting the blinking thing! lots of   xxx

Ulman Big     Sweetie sending you lots of     and    af stays away xxxx

Hey V, I am feeling crappppyyyyy, thanks for asking though   Geez i really dont know how much more of this i can take, my moods are all over the place one minute crying then the 'rage' which is what i call my pmt so of course now am worrying it IS pmt but i know it could be either. I think i will be dead beat by next wednesday! How are you doing? still feeling normal? 
I offered to make my friends a birthday cake agggggeeess ago and then never did it and so eventually i thought right i have to do it, trust it to be when i was going loopy on 2ww lol. anyway she wanted  atriple layer red velvet cake with frosting etc, it did turn out well and she loved it so it was worth it! sending you all lots of      xxxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Hey Bluesbird, how are you doing?  I've been sending you lots of positive vibes and really really hope and     you get a BFP on Wednesday! I am in complete shock as I got a BFP yesterday! I really didn't think I would, so all I can say is after 7 years of trying dreams can come true and miracles do happen! But it's very early days...!    blood test tomorrow.
Let me know how you're getting on I have a very positive feeling for you.
Hugs  and  
Take care of yourself,
Vx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Oh V       that is fantastic news and after 7 years wow that gives me hope that one day it will be my time! I m feeling utter   sweetie, have had really bad low dragging aches in my ovaries and stabbing pains today and feel like af is coming but i will hold on to a bit of hope til wedesnday but im finding it really really hard! everyone on my cycle buddy board over the past week have got BFP's and while i am very happy for them i cant help thinking i will be the one to break the good run.

Im so pleased for you though sweetie xxxxxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Bless you lovely but Don't get blue, you just don't know yet, try and keep positive lovely Bluesbird   I had some serious aching on Sunday and felt like **** but it was still positive. It's such a tough time and so incredibly stressful, your emotions go all over the place and it's really easy to get down with it all. You have been such a lovely ray of sunshine   when I was miserable and it's now my turn to keep you positive! 
Keep me posted on how you're doing, try and stay positive!
Big hugs to you  
Sleep well.
Vx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Ah thanks V my lovely     for your kind words, im trying my best i will know one or another tomorow morning! I'll let you know tomorow! thanks again, i dont thin ki have been called a ray of sunshine for a while, certainly not through TX     XXXXXX


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Ahhhhh! You are a ray of sunshine!  
So much love and positivity for tomorrow morning, I really hope and pray you get a BFP    
Keep strong huni, GOOD LUCK!!!
Big hugs,  
Vx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Ah bless you, so are you sweetie    

Well i woke at 5am bursting for a wee so decided to POAS, (blue digital) it said pregnant 1-2 weeks! I didnt feel happy or excited just numb, i think shock most likely and disbelief. I then did the second stcik when i got up at 6.30, same result. Just got back from hospital having had blood test and bought a first response on the way home, i got a second line but isnt as solid as the one in the other window. Anyway i know i should feel really happy but i am so cautious and worried as last cycle i didnt poas but my blood test was 'inconclusive' and it ended up being a chem pg so just a bit worried the same thing could have happened this time and the BFP is a false positve!! I just dont think i can belive i am PG, especially with all these aches and pains. i guess i will know one way or another at around 4pm!! I iwll let you know please continue    for me hun, thank you xxxxxxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Okay.....I'm going to wait until I hear from you.....but I am SO excited as I really think you are! We had quite similar symptoms and I just have a really good feeling about you! I don't think  it's going to be a false alarm because you tested safely passed the test date I think?!  Oh! That has made my day, not going to do any smileys until you message later! Good Luck hun!  all goes okay! (so exciting!!)Vx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

It was BFP!!! Confirmed by clinic i cant blinking well belive it i am in shock!! Hopefully see you on the early scans noard but i am a bit scared of going on there as dont want to tempt fate and i need a while to get used to the idea and actually believe that i am Pregnant! Thanks for all your words of support and your positivity, i really needed some! xxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

CONGRATULATIONS BLUESBIRD!!!!!!   
That's fantastic news! I am SO HAPPY for you lovely! I knew you would be, wahoooooooo!!!  
I totally understand being cautious, I'm going for my 2nd blood test tomorrow, scary...also I don't have many symptoms, I always thought I'd be sick as a dog! Still time though...  
I bet your still in complete shock! Fab feeling hey?! It hasn't sunk in yet for me, I'm not sure when it will! Take it easy n look after yourself!!!! Another great excuse to eat more cake!   
Vxxx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Thanks Honey!Good luck tomorow let me know how you get on, i havnt got any more blood tests i have to wait for my first scan which is on tues 24 april, agggeeeeeeeeeees away! I spoke to my mum earlier about symptoms and she reckons they dont usally start yet and we have a few more weeks yet before sickness etc. I have a couple of wierd pains in and around my belly button, and aching ovaries, but i know now of course it is not af but BFP! Enjoy the lack of symptoms while it lasts. I dont think it has sunk in for me yet either.sendin you lots of      for tom xxxx


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Ps oh yes i have already said to hubbie i am eating for two now, he says you eat enough for two now cheeky bugger (but true) saying that i am going to have a piece of homemade lemon drizzle cake xcx


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## SeonieNics (Aug 5, 2010)

Whoop Whoop Bluesbird    

Your symptoms were like mine too! My clinic do not take bloods, I just have to wait for my scan on 17 April!! 

It's not sinking in or me yet either, I can't actually say the words I'm pregnant! It doesn't seem right!

Here's to eating more cake and for our next wait for our scan!    

Seona x


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Hey Seonie thanks sweetie    , i keep saying it but it just sounds strange and foreign lol ah first we had the 2ww now the 3ww, lol endless blinking waiting eh and i bet the time goes reeeeeeaalllllyyy sllllooooooooowwwllllyyy.

I'll eat to that!!   hopefully one day see you on the PG thread when we have all had our first scan.    for you scan xxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Hey girls! Haven't got my scan booked in yet but I guess it'll be round the same time as you guys?!   Bluesbird, I laughed so much with what your hubbie said, mine said the same! I'll be looking 6 months gone in about a week    specially after the stress of the 2ww! I love the idea of lemon drizzle cake, ummmm!
Thanks for the info on the symptoms better get myself busy and organised before it all kicks in! Joy! 
Take care, Happy Days! 

Vanessax


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

Hey V, I would imagine your clinic will give you a scan date very soon? Mine out me through to reception as soon as they had told me i had BFP to book it in.    Me too hun, i'll be the size of a baby whale in a couple of months, you too xx


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## SeonieNics (Aug 5, 2010)

I was under the impression that we were supposed to be eating for 2 or maybe 3 anyway!


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## bluesbird (Aug 20, 2008)

too right Seonie! whenever i think about the thought there may be two of them my chest goes tight with terrorl of course it would be lovely if they both made it but it does kind of make me poop my pants too! xxx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

OMG I have just been laughin like crazy!  Restraint for food has gone out the window, I'm seriously worried I am gonna need the fridge locking! It's like I'm pregnant I can eat what I want.....nightmare! I won't worry myself for a week or so and then I'll be better! 
I got my scan date Monday 16 April....seems so soon?! I forgot we're like 5 weeks in! Imagine if it is twins, would be unbelievable but how scary. I still can't get my head around being pregnant!! Trying for so long it takes getting used too hey??!
More food I'm hungry!     hehehehehee! Xxxxx


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## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Congrats ladies, here's a link to the waiting for early scans thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=284406.0


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