# Not entirely new ~



## broody (Mar 11, 2005)

I'm an "un-explained" lady ttc 3 1/2 years. I used to frequent these pages when going through treatment during 2005 (3 IUIs, 1 IVFs, all BFNs, devastatingly). Having found failed tx really hard to deal with, I have had a break for the past 18 months, thrown myself into a new job and focused on other things, essentially to try and become sane again. Hence I've given the ff site a wide berth too as trying not to obsess.

Anyway, I'm back in the saddle now. Currently having tcm and acu for a few months in preparation for further tx later this year. I was previously at the UCH ACU but the plan was to move to ARGC had sent off for the forms etc. and was about to send a deposit when the Panorama episode aired so now me and dh are in two minds what to do.

Finding other people's pregnancy announcements extremely difficult. I've been unable to see my best friend atall since she announced her preg last August. She gave birth last month and I still can't bring myself to go visit as It is simply too painful.

Then at the weekend I heard that my heavy drinking, hard partying, pork-pie subsisting, six years my junior sister-in-law has - oops! - got herself up the duff which wasn't the most heart warming news when I'm treating my body like a temple, consuming disgusting chinese herbs twice daily, forking out squillions on our next few rounds of treatment, shagging tirelessly for england and still no sniff of two lines on a pee stick. 

Just as I think I'm moving forward here is a fresh hell with which to contend.

If I sound a tad bitter that's because I am  

Love,

Broods
x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi broody and welcome back to the site 

So sorry to hear of what you have been through and its good that you took a break. I hope your next treatment works out for you.

We also have a great chatroom (check the index for themed chats) It is often good to talk to people who understand what you are going through. Every Friday Night from 8pm to 9pm is NEWBIE NIGHT Miss TC, Dizzi_aquirrel or I will be in there to help you use the chatroom, answer any questions, etc. If you can't make it on Friday night, just send one of us a personal message and we will meet you in there at a prearranged time for a short "one2one" session to show you the ropes.

More info on newbie night............http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=85409.0

Good luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## Clareybob (Mar 4, 2007)

HI Broody,
Can totally empathise with how you must feel about your sister.  It is totally maddening and unfair that people seem to get pregnant by accident the whole darn time.     I have such an issue whenever I see the teen-preggers outside the supermarket.

One of my SILs has just had her third bby, which I think was an 'accident' and she is trying to be very supportive of our situation, but just can't help doing that 'we're a perfect little family' thing at the same time, which just makes me mad, sad and bad   

HOWEVER, glad you are on here and can have a good rant.  

Good luck with it all and may your dreams come true    

Clarey xxx


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## TLZ (Feb 27, 2007)

Hi Broody

I know how you feel very much so, I have been unable to call or see my best friend since she announced her 4th pregnancy (an accident!) I feel mean-hearted but it is a kind of self preservation as any new announcements in the family etc and even walking past "happy smug parents", which happened to me yesterday in the park sends me into depressive mode.  

I've been hoping the my best mate will "suddenly" realise what I might be going through (even though we have talked a bit about it) but basically I don't think she knows what to say/do and so has done nothing! ... It really hurts  

I also resent the fact that as you say, we treat our bodies like a temple, bend over backwards trying to do all the right things, monitor every aspect of ourselves and our cycles and someone can just turn around and say (as my friend did) " oh I thought it was funny I hadn't had a period since November!!)  Get real! How could you NOT KNOW!!!

As you can tell I'm not really a happy bunny either, but I AM trying to focus on the positive things coming up re: baby making and I will send you some     to help you along too!

all the best for your future journey

TLZ
xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

and Welcome back hun

 
Have you checked out the ARGC clinic thread here on FF 
Lots of ladies here are still very positive and happy to be having there treatment with mr T 
so have a read up and prehaps a consultation anyway - the panorama program, was not very acurate in all it portrayed we have the transcript of what you diddnt see if youve time to read it  plus lots and lots of other info about the clinic 

I hope you catch up with some of your past buddies again and get that elsusive BFP!

Wishing you Friendship   &    

If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## bubstar (Oct 17, 2005)

Hi Broody
Similar to you, we are 'unexplained' after 4 1/4 yrs. I can sympathise about how you feel about your sister-in-law, it all just seems so unfair. My sister announced to me that she was PG after we'd been ttc for a couple of years. Bear in mind that she was single at the time, this pregnancy was managed after a night of heavy drinking, with a man she didn't know, using a condom, at the 'wrong' time of the month + ended in a termination. I was the only person she confided in + had to be the strong, supportive one.  GGGGrrrrrrrr!!!!!

There are just no easy answers are there?!

Bubstar X


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## broody (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Bubstar, Dizzi, TLZ, Clarey, and Kate,

Can I just say I really say I really appreciate your warm welcomes - sorry for my delay in responding.

I was in a particularly bitter mood the day I posted (having just found out about my sis-in-law) but I have up days and down days which I'm sure you can relate to! 

In particular, I wanted to say I appreciate the empathy re: bitter feelings directed towards chums'/relatives' pregnancies - I sometimes feel like I'm being a horrible person so it's nice to know I'm not alone in all these feelings and I think, TLZ, that "self preservation" is spot on. 

Also Dizzi thanks so much for the ARGC link, I'll definitely check it out and I think you're right that I should probably go ahead and see Mr T.

Got to head into a meeting now - thanks again and look forward to chatting to you in future on the boards.

Best wishes,

Broody
x


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## Nix76 (Aug 2, 2006)

Hey Broody,

Just wanted to say welcome back to FF and that I totally know where you're coming from with the mates/family all getting PG as if by magic while we try and smile and be happy for them while really screaming and stamping our feet inside...........well, that's me anyway !!!
Weirdly, I seem to be better with people I know than strangers - those are the ones than I seem to get really bitter about !  
Think this TTC lark might be sending me  
Good luck with everything Hun and we're always here and ready for a rant when you are !!!
Nix. x


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## missyb (Mar 19, 2007)

Hi broods! your message made me lmao! Not at your situation but at your honesty. i know exactly how you feel and i know that everyone on here does. The next person who tells me that they only have to look at their DH and their pregnant i may not be held accountable for my actions (so you may find yourself providing an alibi no doubt!!) you have come to the right place. I havent been on here long but already i've found out so much, i've had a good rant/rave/moan/cry (not necessarily in that order) and im already feeling a bit better about things. good luck.

amanda x


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## kt loo (Mar 22, 2007)

Thanks so much for all of the above messages and to Broody for staring it off, i thought i was all alone in the world of avoiding pregnant women and new born's, iv been doing it for so long i started to convince myself that i didn't want any of it,just to keep myself sane(self preservation is exactly right).Were i work there seam to be spells of pregnancy epidemics followed by Lady's bringing in their newborns to show off, iv felt like a nut case darting off in the opposite direction to avoid the situation of being asked "doesn't it make you want one"  . It feels good to know I'm not alone!!
                                                            Love kt loo


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## aunty em (Mar 22, 2007)

Hi, 
Know exactly how you are feeling.
My SIL said a year past October (in spite of knowing that we had been ttc for years & years) "Oh, I really fancy a break from teaching. I think I'll get pregnant in January" and she blooming well did. Not that I would give up my gorgeous niece, Francesca, for the world (born 9/10/06).
Last summer, we went to stay with some friends on the Wirral (who also knew our situation) and she discussed her career options, saying she would like to get pregnant in January and guess what? She blooming did too. And she decided to break the news the night before I started dr for this cycle. Devastated is not the word. Don't think I've ever felt such despair and you would think I would be used to it after all these years.
However, I think I have been sent a message of hope. Went to a wedding a few weeks ago where I bumped into an old school friend who expressed his surprise that I wasn't drinking (such was my reputation!!). I explained that we had just started our third treatment cycle and he grinned, pointed at his 8-months pregnant wife and said that it had been their third go too. They had never really talked to anyone else about it but were so kind and open with me, it gave me new hope.
Soooooo...... hang on in there, mateys. Also, I've learned not to beat myself up for my feelings when these events occur & I see all the teen-mums (I live in Sunderland, it is the culture round here) - it has only taken a year with a psychologist   to get this far! You have a right to feel the way you do. Acknowledge your deep sadness but don't let it eat you up or you will miss out on the rest that life has to offer.
Sending you    
Aunty Em


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## Kathryn Emma (Oct 22, 2006)

Hi Broody - I'm hearing you 100% and I wish I could give you a big hug  . Sometimes it just feels like it's babies, babies, babies everywhere you look. My sister in law has just given birth and the thought of being anywhere near her makes me feel sick. Not that I'm not happy for her but I just can't handle it. Now to add insult to injury a young girl at work has "accidently" fallen pregnant. This one is really tough as I can't avoid her!
Anyway sorry to babble on, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Take care and good luck


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