# Wishing my life away....



## Gemlou78 (Sep 14, 2012)

Is it just me or is one of the hardest parts of this whole journey the periods of waiting between treatments?  I'm quite an impatient person by nature and when I'm waiting to start a cycle I seem to spend my whole time just counting down the days.  There is zero chance of my DH and I conceiving naturally and I find it so frustrating when we're not having treatment and feel like we're in limbo.  At least when I'm injecting myself I feel like I'm actively doing something towards having a baby!  I felt like I'd waited ages to start our second ICSI cycle in January only to have it cancelled due to poor response so now we find ourselves waiting again.  The plan is to start our next cycle at the end of Feb which I know really isn't far away but it still feels like ages!  I sometimes feel like I'm going mad as all I think about during these waiting periods is what will happen with our next cycle?, will I respond to the drugs?,  how many eggs will they collect?, will they fertilize?  will I get pregnant?.  Sometimes I allow myself to imagine it works and think about what it would be like to actually have a baby.  On the bus on the way to work today I realised I'd spent about 15 minutes thinking about baby names - think I need help!!


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Gemlou, I just wanted to say you're not alone in your thoughts!  I'm exactly the same.  This consumes my every waking thought every second of every day!  I'm impatient too and besides the dreadful waiting game, I can't seem to handle that this is all out of my control and this drives me crazy!  . I am a bit of a control freak at the best of times, but this is agonising when you so desperately want to do something about it, but can't  . 
Wishing you lots of love and luck that your next tx will work   love Emma xxx


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## Gemlou78 (Sep 14, 2012)

Hi Emma, thanks for your response, glad to hear I'm not alone in feeling like this!  As much as I try to occupy my mind with other things, it always drifts back to thinking about tx/babies.  Work is a nightmare as I find I just can't focus on anything and keep making silly mistakes plus every spare moment I have I find myself on this site reading peoples success stories to try and help me think positively!  Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time with your tx and I hope both our dreams come true this year. xx


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Thank you, I hope so too!  I've found I just can't go to work at the moment so you're doing better than me as at least you're there!!    The success stories are a help but some of the other sad ones fill you with fear too so I think I need to stop reading so much. Good luck on your journey xxx


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## staceyemma (Jul 30, 2011)

Me too   you are not alone......
27 days until my consultation      

Not that I'm counting................   hee hee


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## Gemlou78 (Sep 14, 2012)

And the stupid thing is that after all the wishing and waiting, as soon as it's a day or so before I start a cycle I suddenly get all panicky about it because all of a sudden it all becomes very real!


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