# feelings



## tisonlyme (Aug 6, 2010)

Hi all,
Now I have started thinking about surrogacy more I am finding that my yearning for my own child is growing once again.
My background  is on a post below, but quick synopsis is that a about 2 years ago we went to the docs as I had irregular periods and we had been ttc for 2 years without any success.  We were referred to hospital and had variuos tests.  After a laparoscopy they found apolyp and we were called in and the consultant broke the news that I had cancer of the womb.  I had a total hysterectomy a month later and am now (fingers crossed) healthy again as it was caught early.

We are starting to think about surrogacy now, obv it will be straight surrogacy as my ovaries were removed also.
I desire for a child is growing stronger again, I think i had buried it somewhere when my cancer arose as that was my main priority in beating that.

I'm starting to resent friends, even those who are also struggling to concieve because they at least have a chance of their own.

I think the hardest thing for me is that i have a stepdaughter (who i love to pieces) but here mum has now had another child and given her a sister, and that is what i wanted desperately to do.

Luckily she is old enough to understand but it stills hurts like hell!

Thanks for trawling through this, it helps to write!
Charlotte x


----------



## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

Don't feel bad about finding it difficult to be around other people having babies - we all feel like that sometimes and it must be especially difficult with your step-daughter's mum.  I remember once, years ago, when on a weekend away with my best, oldest girlfriends, I rushed out of the room and hid for about an hour because I couldn't cope with them talking about their happy families.  I felt so mean, especially when they came and found me and then they felt guilty for making me sad!!  Anyway, the point is that it's completely normal, so just do what you can to stay focused on enjoying your life while pursuing your dreams.  Surrogacy does work. 

It's quite hard work sometimes tho, so make sure that you're sufficiently emotionally recovered from all you've been through with your illness before you embark on it - it's easy to go ahead thinking you're ok, but then finding it too much pressure too soon.  Just a thought. 

Anyway, good luck!


----------



## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Charlotte,
I so know exactly how you feel right now   when I returned to work after cancer and hyst etc half my office were pregnant on first or 2nd babies, it fair borke me up having to sit with them day in day out, my SIL also had my nephew the week b4 my diagnosis, to say it is very hard indeed is an understatement. I for one feel that those of us who cannot even try IVF ourselves let along ever get pregnant do have an 'added' element to our feelings, which oh yes include resentment, sadness and at times anger.

Surrogacy can and does work, it is an emotional journey and it isn't for the faint hearted, but when you've been through what we have been through and surrogacy or adoption are the only hope, I beleive that you will know once you've researched etc if you're strong enough to begin your journey.

It's a bit of a yuk thing to hear but as I've been there I can tell you that time does help, I never thought I'd be where I am now and with much research, support, determination and a bit of luck surrogacy is definately an acheiveable dream.

And we're all here to help and advise you as much as possible
x


----------



## tisonlyme (Aug 6, 2010)

Thanks Sam and OD2,

Am feeling better now, having got over my bad few days am starting to look to the future again! I think i've been focusing on it so much because I'm sat at home as it school hols.  When i'm back at work i won't have tiome to dwell on things will b too busy!

Charlotte x


----------

