# matching panel..did you go?



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hiya, just after the general trend really..were you invited/expected to attend matching panel..it seems most people go but i'm sure somebody posted a while back who didnt..

after last years shenanigans i have no desire to go to matching panel again..it was a farce..all that celebratory handshaking and congratulations and then it all falling apart in the decision makers hands. part of me wants to make a point..and it was one of the many things i complained about at the time..but part of me is just terrified...i just want to know when its all over..i want them to have panel and wait for ratification and then tell me its going ahead. our sw wanted to pick this all apart on friday when we met and i could feel myself getting upset just thinking about it..i even wondered whether i should seek some more counselling if its getting me this wound up 
i just dont WANT to go..dh wouldnt go without me so we'd be a no show and our sw would have to support us and do all the talking i guess..i would write a letter to support/represent ourselves

just wondered if anyone else didnt go, out of choice or cos their LA dont invite them lol

kj x


----------



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

HI KJ

Not at that stage yet but we have been told we have to go to matching panel, the same as we had to go to approval panel.

I can understand you wanting to just be told when its all done and dusted after the last time but I also hope to god they have learnt a BIG lesson from what they put you through and wouldn't do that again to you or anyone else.

Love
OT x


----------



## Lady Lucy (Sep 28, 2005)

firstly blimey KJ you have just made me have a heart stopping moment, I knew (from constant lurking) that it all went a it crazy for you post matching but had no idea it was AFTER the matching panel, how awful for you.  As we are due to have the matching panel next week it has made me feel really wobbly!  no wonder going over it all has made you feel wound up again!
Anyway the other thing I wanted to say was that in our area we are not even invited to the matching panel so couldn't go even if we wanted.  I don't think thats a good thing at all as its such a positive event for adopters, in my eyes on par with the 'birth' event of any natural children that I would have loved to attend given the chance.
Cath


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

sorry if i'm giving you the wibbles..i must stress that its uncommon for the DM not to ratify.. though the very fact that the job even exists shows that there is a need for it IYSWIM. i just wish the DM sat on panel and could ratify immediately..someone here posted thats what happens in their LA and i think its a briliant idea!
Our situation made case history and will set a precedent if the particular situation ever arises again so pleeease dont worry to much

kj x


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

we DIDN'T go to either our 2 children's matching panel........I know things have changed since when we adopted but just thought I'd let you know what happened for us!

Andrea
xx


----------



## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
We were all set to leave and got a call to say they had started it an hour early! I probably drove far too fast and we missed it anyway as did our SW!!! It didn't matter at all though I was a little disappointed. 
Love JD x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi KJ

With the LA we are with we dont go to matching panel- its just our SW, Family finder and our childrens SW.



M J
xxx


----------



## Lady Lucy (Sep 28, 2005)

thanks KJ for the reassurance.  At our approval panel the DM was present so we knew it was almost impossible for the decision to be reversed later but this time I don't know, our s/w is coming tomorrow so will ask her then who is sitting on the panel this week.  Feeling v excited and nervous all at the same time!
Cath
xxx


----------



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

Just thought I'd add my two penneth as well.

We had to attend our matching panel we went to a different LA to ours and it was there policy.

Prior to going in the childs s/w started panicking our s/w by saying she should of visited a third referee as that is their policy, it became a little tense in the waiting area but was a good distraction from my butterflies in my tummy!

Overall we found it a positive experience and it felt to me like we had just found out I was pregnant and again a memory I will never forget. My 17year old ds also attended and came in with us he was so grown up and mature and the panel members included him in the questions etc, I dont think they would of dared say no after that!

I suppose for most cases everything goes ok but there is always that tiny bit of doubt in your own mind.

Hope all goes well and that you dont have to attend given your previous traumatic experience.

Dawnx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi KJ

we did not go to matching panel for either of our 2, that seems to be the policy in our area. so had to sit a home waiting for the call!!

PBMx


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

we won't be able to go to matching panel either as it is not our VA's policy.....we have to sit at home waiting for the call too


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

wow it seems like less people go than i thought previously ....
am waiting to hear what our sw's manager thinks of us not attending and we'll go from there 
thanks for all your stories/experiences 

kj x


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

We didn't attend either although our LA was talking about changing that. We too sat at home waiting for the call with my Mum and Sisters who were waiting as they were planning an adoption shower that evening for me...I have to admit to feeling abit wobbly about it all until I got the call!
All the best for this time around KJ, I totally understand your reservations but I'm sure that this time they are dotting every i and crossing every t, I jolly well hope so anyway otherwise we may just have to round up a posse!
Viva
X


----------



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

We didn't attend matching panel with either of our two even though they were different LA's.  We weren't invited and I'm glad to be honest, I would have been so nervous.

All the best KJ although I agree with everyone else, they are just dotting the i's.

love
Cindy


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

just to update..seems we have been let off going to panel HURRAH! Although our sw says her line manager will want to discuss our reasons when she does the 2nd opinion visit 
I'm really happy..didnt want to have to fight over it..and I've asked not to be told the panel date (although we'll have a vague idea) so that they can just tell us when its been ratified..and that seems to be ok too 
happy kj x


----------



## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

That's great news KJ! Glad they are being sympathetic to your situation. Understandable that they want to go over your reasons, but they are not hard for anyone to grasp given what you went through last time so there shouldn't be any problem - good for you for standing up for yourselves.

sundog
x


----------

