# All my friends are on baby number 2 & I'm fed up!



## Becky1978

I had my son in 2009 after getting pregnant naturally after 4 months, despite a long irregular cycle (which now turns out is due to polycystic ovaries). We started trying for a sibling in June 2011 & since then I've had 3 miscarriages & my husband has just been told he has a low sperm count. When I had my son I did NCT classes & I've just realised that out of our group, everyone apart from me has either had another baby or is pregnant (apart from a couple who have split up). 

I'm really really grateful for my son & know I'm so lucky to have him especially seeing what other people have had to go through & still don't have a child but I just get so fed up sometimes. I've started to wonder whether we should just be grateful for the son we have & leave it at that, but I've always loved having a brother & I really want my son to have someone who will always be there for him as a playmate & as he grows up (& when hubby & I get old & pop our clogs!) He really loves all my friends' babies & while I know it would be different if he had a sibling & had to share my attention it makes me so sad that we can't seem to give him a brother or sister when I know he would really like one. I also worry that if we have too big of an age gap they won't play together as much as if there was a smaller age gap - I know that's not the end of the world but it still makes a difference to what my son's life will be like. Plus from a practical point of view I've put my career on hold to have kids & the longer I leave it the harder it will be to go back to the type of job I had before. 

I just wanted to vent really, as it's hard to find anyone to talk to about it, as most of my friends either have their 2nd baby, are struggling to conceive with a 1st baby, or aren't at the point n their lives where they're thinking about kids or more kids.


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## RuthB

Hi Becky,

Completely know how you feel, my son will be 4 in December and any chance of getting pregnant still seems to be in the distant future.  I have drifted apart from my baby group for similar reasons, particularly when one is now expecting her third which happens to be twins!  I know they are sympathetic but I don't want their pity!  My son is a happy little chap but I also feel like he would love to have a sibling, he even talks about some of his friends as 'his other brother'!

I'm sorry to hear that you have had multiple miscarriages, its so heart-breaking.  Good luck for the future


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## Becky1978

Thanks for replying it's nice to feel someone else is in the same boat - even though being in this particular boat is rubbish!! Lets hope we both get our sibling babies soon! xx


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## Hopefulat35

Becky I think loads of us here will read your post and think we could have written it ourselves! There is a huge pain attached to secondary IF, it's just different to that experienced by those without any children yet. 

Don't give up on your dream yet and use this site for support! Ranting on here has got me through some really dark times. We've been trying for a sibling for two years now and yet DS was conceived on our second month of trying!

It's been a really long journey for us and at times it's been so dark and painful. In the last two months I've congratulated five friends on their second borns. But yesterday on our third deivf attempt we got a bfp. It's not all plain sailing and there's a long way to go but it's another step forward on our journey. 

Wishing you lots of luck. You will surprise yourself with how strong you truly are!
Hopeful xxx


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## flowerdew

Yes I agree-that first paragraph could have been cut and pasted from me!!
Most of our friends....hold on...ALL our friends apart from '2' girlie friends are in their 2nd if not 3rd it breaks 
my heart. I've stopped seeing my NCT lot due to this,I don't want their pity either...sounds awful but my sanity is more important than baby chat. Grrrr. Anyway-it is hard,bloody hard there is no denying that.My sis in law on her 4th child conceived ivf...I almost fell apart,same time we got a bfn.Life can be unfair! 
I now chose who and when I want to see my friends that have the 2nd/3rd and often giggle with the DH that I'll have no friends but least save on the Kleenex.
I'm writing this as been awake most the night thinking about our treatment (day 9 of stims)I keep wondering how it must feel to be positive when doing ivf.....
All the best
X


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## Evon

I just wanted to add to this post as 2 years ago this could have written by me.
When friends told me they were expecting their second child I would be in floods of tears for the rest of day (obviously in private) I was so bitter that after 3 years of trying still no baby. (started trying as soon as I stopped breast feeding)
Had all the test - no reason.
Did acuputure at Zita west - several appointment with them on nutrition etc.

Not entitled to anything on NHS but lucky DH had medical insurance that covered infertility testing.
Decided to go private as running out of time due to age. Decided on argc because of their results for older women and also handy location. (I had just turned 37 when we tried for no 2)
Started IUI, first natural failed and then we clomid and lucky got a bfp.
All ended in heartbreak after seeing HB twice.
Straight back on it after a erpc - 3 failed IUIs
Onto ivf for me. Extremely lucky to get a bfp.

Now sitting here with my DS.

I wanted to give a positive post and I know for me times were very dark and I was extremely unhappy.

As for the reason I struggled I have no idea although I do wonder if it was due to having an emergency c-section with DD. As well as age (although know mums well into their 40s who had no problems)

On the only child issue, you find when they go to school lots more only children around. In my DD class there are 5. 
Not sure if that is unusual.

I also now love the age gap, obviously I wouldn't have chosen this but it is really working for me.

Good luck ladies.


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## MrsVenus

Good morning ladies,

I just thought I'd add that we had dd in 2008 with no issues apart from being breech. Started trying again in January 2010 and had miscarriage, then another in July and August of that year. Tried again in 2011 and another miscarriage in July!!! I then seriously thought that we'd had dd and settle for that. I then had rm tests done on nhs and the only thing highlighted was very low vit d at 13! Started supplements and in January this year had immune testing done. Slightly high nk cells and hidden c. Took course of antibiotics, started clexane before ovulation, along with prednisolone, intralipids and cyclogest. We got a bfp in May. So far, so good. 

Even now on this journey I can't be totally relaxed. I often think was it all the meds, or was it my turn! All my Nct friends have had their second but luckily I never felt like they pitied me. It has been a struggle though and I've often felt like giving up. It was my DH who always pushed on. 

Like Evon I just wanted to give a positive post. My dd started school this 
month and bubs due in January. The age gap is fine for me. I feel dd has had all our attention and is on to her new and exciting next stage. Whilst she's at school I'll be able to give lo some one on one time. As has been said there are quite a few only children in her class. I've always felt that kids adapt whatever the situation. 

I hops your journey ends how you want it to. 

Lots of love and luck. 

MrsV x


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## Evon

MrsV what a lovely post and good luck with new baby.
Thought I would add I also had low vit D and through ivf had some immune issues so during pregnancy had ivig.
Cocktail of drugs pretty much same as MrsV.
Good luck


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## Becky1978

Thanks ladies - it's so good to hear positive stories! Hopefully we will all get there in the end.. xx


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## pinkbt

I could have written this too......
Breaks my heart when my 3 year old dd asks me when we're having "our baby" and that she's already waited a long time.


Going for full works ivf in nov (immunes, 5 day hatching, pgd).  Antagonist protocol?


My family isn't complete yet.
Xxx


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## flowerdew

Pinksbt

We have the same 'issues' and we're the same age with a 3 year old - expect i have a boy!

It's hard, so so hard...and everyone thinks we're lucky to have 1...which we are, but another 1 would be perfect and complete.

Good luck X


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## pinkbt

Hope November is our lucky month!
Xxxx


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## Butterfly86

I only joined FF yesterday, and cannot believe how comforting it has been to learn that I'm not the only one wanting to scream when someone tells me that they are expecting! 

Had our first daughter in may 2008, after just a couple of months of trying.  So in October 2010 decided that we'd try for a second hoping for a 3 year age gap! completely naive.  In nov 2010 a work colleague annouced she was pregnant, and we chatted excitedly at the prospect of maybe being on maternity leave togother, having children of the same age! well, watching her progress through her pregnancy whilst i was left waiting was frustrating, to say the least! 

After a year i went to see the doctor who checked bloods, everything fine apparently, but she referred me to gynae. In Feb 2012 I had my first appointment, discussed investigations.  Started in March 2012 with blood test to check ovulation (i expect, never really did know!) then internal ultrasound and HSG in May 2012. I was told at these appointments that everything looked normal nothing for concern... so i just waited for my follow up.  got to september having heard nothing so rang hospital to arrange my own appt, this was arranged for thursday of this week just gone.  Really didnt know what to expect and had a real shock to be told that i have irregular ovulation and what ever the blood test was for the level was 19 rather than 30 which its meant to be! My consultant has given me rx of clomid to start on day 2 of cycle, which is any day now! 2 years exactly since we first started trying.

Feel as though a wait has been lifted as i was getting so fed up of being told "be patient, it'll happen"  "you need a distraction"  "dont think about it"  "you've already got one, just be thankful for her"  "get yourself a hobby"  peoples comments really are irrelevant when my whole world over the past 2 years has been just wanting a second baby.  My daughter has not been neglected at all during this time, infact she is one of the main factors as to why we want a second, we know what a blessing it is to be given the gift of a child and we want that again.  We want to be able to make her a big sister, she asks for it on a weekly basis, its hard to explain to a four year old who has no concept of time, one day... I get such a feeling of guilt if i ever start to think that we may not have a second as i want to be able to give her the sibling she wants so much.

I too have had to deal with EVERYONE! being pregnant and having babies around me, had to listen to their conversations of, "what do you want, boy or a girl?"  "i really want a boy as i've got two girls already!" the amount of times i've had to bite my tongue!

I worried about an age gap at first, but coming from a family where my eldest sister is 30 and my youngest brother is 8, its not too much of a worry anymore! 

Feeling a lot more optimistic since seeing the consultant on thursday, hopefully the clomid will be a turning point whereboth us and our daughter will have her wish!    

Justine xx

p.s. sorry i was a bit ranty at times only wanted to say hello!


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## Calmbaby

Hi,

I just wanted to come on and say hi.

I think its not easy when you already have a child and then you have issues conceiving. People assume it will all work fine as it did the first time. I had assumed that too, so this journey has been a big shock for me and oh.

I have now been told I have PCOS. 

We have booked to go for IVF in Czech Republic. Want to have an IVFcation! lol. Really hoping it will work first time as Ive done everything I can to stay positive and make it work.

What really breaks my heart is my dd coming to my tummy and saying "Hi Babies" (she wants twins ) I know she will make a great a big sister. I was worried about the age difference but think it's just fine. Abit of an age gap has given dd her own confidence and attention from us.

Sorry, for long post, find this thread has really helped me just now so Thank you.

Hope everyone is well and having a lovely weekend.


calm x


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## hazel23

hello hun i no how you feel iv got a beautiful son to he is 13 in may iv being trying for 8 years for baby number 2 but has me and the partner have problems with fertility it hasnt happend had 2 cycles of icsi but still BFN dont give up hun it will happen hun


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## RuthB

Hi everyone,  I go for an HSG test today and hope to start IUI next month, all being well.  Am quite nervous about today and just generally keep running dates through my head, usually about the age gap if it actually happens, which is silly considering the odds arent that high!

Quick question - our clinic has asked us about lots of tests like rubella/hiv etc - would this not have been covered when we had our first babies?  They suggested giving blood as a way to get free testing for hiv but they didnt want me because of HSG test!

Hope you don't mind me asking on this thread, have been helped a lot by the netmums ladies but dont see many IUI stories on there and everyone sounds equally frustrated on this whole journey x


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## nicola_h

Hi, this is my first ever post on FF so feeling a bit nervous! I am so glad I found this place though and I couldn't not reply to this as I could have written it myself! 

I have one beautiful little boy who turned 4 last month, he took three years to conceive with unexplained infertility and we started trying for number 2 in December 2008, I know we were pretty mad as he was only 3 months old but we figured we could be in for a long wait certainly didn't think it would be this long though! Almost 4 years later we are still waiting for that bfp and my af arrived this morning  

I have really had enough now of seeing everyone else around me have their second/third child, I have also slowly drifted away from a lot of baby group friends because we don't really have anything in common. I can do stuff with my ds that they can't do because they have smaller children so we tend to just do stuff on our own! As much as I am dreading him starting school next year I'm also strangely looking forward to it in the hope that he (and me) can make some friends that we can do lots of stuff with. I am also fed up with the constant questions about when are we having another and people telling me the age gap is getting too big, just feel like telling them all to mind their own business!

Sometimes I think we should stop now and save myself the heartache every month but then I always have this little voice in my head saying "what if next month is THE month", I must sound crazy! 

Anyway after that waffle I am really looking forward to getting to know you all. 

xxx


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## Faithope

Hi Ladies,

Mind if I jump in? I have a 14 year old DS and have been trying 9 years for #2 and have got so close yet still so far away   All my close friends have 3/4/5 kids each and I am alone with the one. Yes, I know I am very lucky to even have one, but DH and I want one together, seems to be 'Mission Impossible'   The baby years seem like they never existed as they were so long ago, DS is 2 years ish away from leaving school and I'm only 34.

Anyway, that's me, big hello to you all xx


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## pinkbt

A few of us who have moved to treatment are posting on the secondary infertility/ ivf here we come, if anyone wants to join in there too xxxx


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## Tinker belle

Hi Becky1978,
So sorry to hear about your situation as I was in a similar one not so long ago. I know how frustrating it is when everyone around you seems to get pregnant when they like.  I had my 1st baby in 2007 with no problems, we were trying around 5mts.  We never used any contraception after that as we wanted to have another fairly soon. After trying for a full year I eventually got pregnant but to my devastation miscarried at 8wks   roll on another year and I got pregnant again and had a healthy baby boy in 2010.  Since that we have been trying and my heart was again broken when I miscarried at 11wks last February. And yet again, like with my 1st m/c, everyone around me seemed to be getting pregnant and I was in bits.  I'm still trying and had my 1st visit to fertility clinic a few weeks ago.  I found out my egg reserve was low/very low which threw me a bit. So, I've started with injections, gonal f pen and I'm currently on my 2ww. I'm trying to be hopeful and keep positive. I hope everything works out for you and  I wish you the very best of luck on your journey, keep the chin up and stay positive  x


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## swink

Hi
I am new to this site just yesterday and came across this post.  After reading all of your messages it makes me feel a bit better because I thought I was alone out there.

We were trying for our son for 3 years but we never had any investigations done.  My hubby had a total lifestyle change going the gym eating totally different food and within 4 months I was pregnant without any help so I had a bit of a sneaky suspicion that he had a low sperm count.  Our son was born in 2009 completely perfect but after knowing the time it took to get him we started trying within 6 months.  We are still trying 2.5 years later and feel like I'm under so much pressure as the age gap is getting bigger.  I have only told my mum that we are TTC and everyone is asking when am I having another one.  Feel like crying every time, it is like taking a bullet.  I feel so guilty that I feel this awful because I have such a perfect 3 year old.  He even asked me last week could we buy a baby boy from Tesco.

This time I have taken fate into my own hands and we have had investigations and it turns out my DH does have a low sperm count, but everything checks out for me.
We have our first hospital appointment on Tuesday but I'm not sure what else she can tell us.  I was thinking about going private for IVF but concerned about the cost.  I can't imagine that we would get funding as this is out second.

I wish everyone luck and baby wishes.


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## flowerdew

Hi Swink
We've been trying for the same amount of time with a son the same age...
It's so so hard I have days when I feel I can't cope (even tho so blessed.) after a few failed IVFs I'm appreciating what I have already and working on that at present. Once you set foot in a fertility clinic you really do realise how lucky we are.
Good luck with what you decide.
Ivf is ok! The 2 week wait for results is a killer but the injections and drugs will be fine if you need to do it.
Feel free to ask any questions.
X


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