# Getting pushed to do something i dont want to do!!!



## Leanne22 (Mar 14, 2011)

Heyyy ladies i need a huge rant!!!!!!!!! 

me and my bf ave done 3 cycles of IVF in a year & @ the same time my bf brother came home from working away at christmas for 3 weeks ad sex twice got his wife pregnant again!!! And they was very forward to tell us they only had sex twice. She then on one of her scans (the same day we started the 2nd IVF) tagged my bf in the scan picture on ******** woth a caption "finally a 2nd grandchild for the family" so i flew off the handle and she said she didnt want us to feel left out. 

So we set a distance from them and then the baby was born in sept and we text to say congrats and sent cards snd gifts but thats all i cud manage and now in Nov we are yet to meet his baby. So when my bf went footbqll with his dad his dad said we are upsetting his mum cos we avent been to see the baby or rang to ask how she is. So my bf replied that in the last yr his bro or wife havent sent us one call or text to say hope ur ok or sorry to hear your ivf didny work. So i refuse to see them. But then hes mum n dad are trying to give us £700 for the freezing costs in a way to make us go to see them but i cant. Am soo annoyedddd!!!!! Also 4yrs ago i mc at 12weeks he bro n wife ad there 1st baby 4days later and i was told tp keep quiet about my mc cos they didnt want the happness taken away from them so il never forgive his parents for that to. 

I jusy feel stuck because i feel sorry for my bf cos its his famoly at tje end of day amd if it was mine i was be soo upset rhey are beong so nasty. 
Anu thoughts on whay to do pleaseeeee 
Sorry for the long rant xxxxxxxxxxx


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Oh hunny!! What a horrible situation, families are so so difficult and the feeling of always trying to keep someone happy can be a nightmare sometimes.

I'm sorry to say but I'm completely with you on this. I think your SIL & the parents have acted with little sensitivity for your situation and it's the same old from people who just don't have a clue about infertility.

I do feel sorry for your DP tho, like you said, it's his family and he must feel so torn. There isn't a right or wrong answer... Talking to them may help in that you get how you feel and your grievance off your chest, I think his parents should apologise for making you hide your miscarriage, that's was a horrible thing to do  

I'm trying to think what I would do... Inwardly I would be upset and rant like you are doing.... My SIL has been insensitive in the past and I find dealing with her kids very tough but we don't see them that often anyway so have to make an effort when I do, it's not their fault really that there parents are idiots 
Perhaps plan a visit to see them and then follow it by doing something lovely for you and DP, set half hour or an hour only so you know that you have your escape.

I realise I've probably not been too much help but didn't want to read and run. Good luck hunny     Xxx


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## donna80 (Jan 3, 2011)

Hi Leanne, 
I completely understand how you feel, we have just fell out with dh parents and his sister, and fell exactly the same as you do, 
Here's our story, 
After 1 cancelled ivf cycle we were told we needed donor eggs, we told both our family's and dh sister OFFERED to donate to us, as it was his sister my brother OFFERED to donate sperm, great, we got the ball rolling sil had scans and blood tests my bros sperm was quarantined, we spent all our £4000. Saving on the tests and flights for sil, then just as the clinic said we were ready to go sil went blank on us, she wouldn't return our calls and slated us on ********! Dh mum Even told us that we should have kids if we need a donor! 
We took the decision our selfs last November to find a annon donor, gave up on sil, when we saw her in march she mentioned nothing and acted like it have never happened, In oct I got a message to call sil, why she couldn't call us I will never know! I called her and she told me she was pregnant through a ivf cycle, (she has tube problems) and that Dh family knew she was doing ivf and they didn't want us to know!! So a massive slap in the face, as we had just started our dr meds for our first deivf cycle, dh parents and sil both fell they have done nothing wrong and we are meant to be pleased for them!! We would of been if we had known about it!! 
Dh will not speak to his mum it was left for me to tell them that he wasn't happy, sil had her 6 week scan last week then text dh "just wanted to let you know that my baby's heartbeat Is fine" he hasn't replied and neither of us know what to say, dh family are expecting us to spend Xmas with them, witch is just after our et, so when we tell them we aren't going the ****e is gonna hit the fan again! 
Dh won't talk to me too much about how he feels as he knows thing eat away at me and play on my mind, he is so angry that he won't even speak to his mum, this isn't the first time that something has happened that she hasn't told us about, we are always the last to know, 
What I have said to dh is that they are his family and I can't stop him talking to them and I won't, but I'm backing away from them, I will not go there for Xmas or new year as I'm not having her pregnancy rubbed in my face, and he agrees with me, 
I have no idea how things are gonna turn out, right now I am putting me and dh first, i feel like I'm gonna explode at them if I talk to them anyway! 
Sorry I can't give you any advice other that look after yourself, 
Good luck and all the best 
Donna xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi girls really sorry for what your going through I havnt started ivf yet but have no tubes and can relate to family. My dp brother and his girlfriend just had a baby and when they announced the pregnancy they were all quite sensitive which was ok. This would be my dp mums first biological grandchild. Anyway leading up to the birth all I heard was baby,baby,baby. Then we went to my dp mums and she said his brothers gf was in labour my partner replied 'that's good' not knowing what e les to say then her reply was 'what's wrong with you be happy it's your niece at the end of the day'.so that comment not so so bad. That weekend my partner got text saying 'don't know if your interested but baby's born' my dp face dropped and I said to him we are happy for them but they can't just forget what we've had to go through as we also lost a baby before having my tubes removed. I told my partner to visit the baby but I couldn't face it and when he left to visit I broke down in tears. Just this weekend we went to his mums and after half hour they came with baby and his mum picked up baby and went in living room with dp brothers gf and we were in kitchen and they stayed in there until we left, I was livid they sat in there talking about baby feeding her etc and not one word to us at all it really was rubbed in our faces and we left . I was so damn hurt. They acted supportive until the baby was bornand now what we've gone through is non existent. I understand what you mean it's his family and you don't want get in the way so it's really hard...people are so insensitive and I don't even think they realise it. Good we can rant on here xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it's a hideous situation, families are a nightmare. but anything you can do to patch things up, do. Once you do get your own family, you will want them to have aunties and cousins and all that. My DH's family mostly don't speak to each other and the whole thing is horrible. DH is about the only one who is on speaking terms with everyone. It's such a waste, life is short and precious. If they upset you by going on about baby stuff or whatever, I reckon explain, to their face, why it is upsetting. Then move on.. compartmentalise your feelings and just do the best you can.

Of course if it is all too painful, and you can't see them, then that is a shame, but do put yourself and your future family first. try not to get dragged into other people's agendas (eg being bribed etc, that is shocking! lol ) 

   hope it is all smoothed out soon.


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