# Aaaaaaarrrrgggghhh!



## riley (Sep 22, 2008)

Hi everyone,
Need to have a bit of a rant.
My husband and I filled in our initial application to adopt in Dec 08. At the moment we are still waiting to find out if we are going to be assessed and Im just wondering if I'm the only one who thinks this is too long. I am very impatient so think maybe I'm not giving things enough time but it seems I'm constantly chasing my sw for progress reports. The reason we have had to wait so long is because I have a medical condition which they wanted to look into before they decide whether to assess us. Our sw works part time and never seems to be in the office. I am getting really frustrated and feel so annoyed with the whole process.
We met with the sw and the medical advisor at the beginning of January and they advised us that we would probably find that we would have to accept a child that other people would deem unsuitable ie. disabled, older, unusual looking etc(their words not mine) because people without health problems would be given all the "perfect" children! They were quoting time scales of 6 yrs+ to be matched to a child due to my medical problems. Is there really any point in going through the assessment if I'm never going to actually have a child?
Anyway after this meeting my sw said it would take a week/ maximum of 2 weeks to get the report sorted and she would then get back to me to let me know what has been decided (ie. whether they think we should be assessed or not). I have not heard anything since. What should I do? Do you think I should ring or does this mean they've decided we are not going to be assessed?
Sorry if this doesn't make sense but I'm just really fed up and just wanted to get it all out!
Thanks for reading
Riley
xx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya riley 

firstly  massive   for you.

why not try calling your sw'er and even see if u can get to speak to someone senior. i know that when we were first starting out that i felt i was constantly on the phone 'chasing' them. felt like whenever i phoned that they would have been 'rolling' their eyes as if to say 'its that bl**dy woman again, chasing us for an update'! i know that when i did phone i was always very apologetic - im sorry to trouble you again but could you confirm if ....'  i sometimes think that ss forget that they are dealing with our lives, its their jobs but its our lives and we often feel in limbo. im confused as to why they have given u a time scale of 6 years? are you trying to adopt from abroad?  im not sure it is policitically correct for your sw'er to describe the possible child you may have as 'perfect'!  

please keep us posted on how you get on. 


lots of love camly x x x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Certainly sounds not right to me.....  all that time to hear that    

I'd definately be on their case, what reason is there that you couldn't parent a younger child?  Surely they're discriminating against you by saying what they have? 

Have you had the medical from your GP?  What did they say about you being fit to parent?


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## Guest (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi Riley,

Just wanted to send you a huge   and say that in my opinion this is utterly silly and unfair. If you are deemed to be able to parent a child - and the fact that you work and lead and full life shows just that - you should not be discriminated against. SWs keep saying that it is all about the children, but surely in this case they'll assess you on how well you can look after a child, not put you in some competition with other adopters for the 'perfect child'. And I agree with Calmy that it is definitely not PC to talk to you in this way, neither regarding you or your future children!
I hope you manage to get some form of reply from them.

Rivka x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Riley

Sorry to hear of the waiting and uncertainty you are facing, the agency certainly don't sound very supportive or much use!  

Can you phone round some other agencies and see how they feel?  Having the go ahead from your specialist should give them reassurance of your ability to cope etc.  Personally even if they come back saying Yes, which I hope they do, I wouldn't want to stick with them if thats their attitude towards things.

Good luck
OT x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

http://www.baaf.org.uk/agency_db/noflash_textonly/frameset_noflash.htm Link to agencies in your area - just put in your post code.

Hi, I would go with another agency. You don't have to stay with this one. Sounds like they are trying to get you to go elsewhere any way but daren't say it out loud as they are not allowed to. They sound totally unhelpful and I would think that you would be battling every step of the way. Why should you have to do this. Find an agency/LA you feel comfortable with 

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that fertilityfriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi, only you can decide what to do but it seems you are going to be waiting for a while with this agency any way.  We didn't have to do our preparation course again when we swapped.  We did our preparation course after 3 months of joining the first LA and swapped after 6 months as we felt they were dragging their heels as they had not allocated us a sw for home study by that point.  Our new LA allocated us with a sw for home study within 8 weeks of joining them.  Mind you still waited for ages after being approved so it is swings and roundabouts.  It seems you have been waiting too long already to me. It does seem a very long process to get a child (took us almost 4 years if you look at my signature tracker below  ) but it does happen in the end and when it does it is worth all the waiting.   Cut and pasted this from an adoption site:-

How long does the process take?

Getting assessed and approved can take up to eight months. Once this is over, matching you with a suitable child can begin. This can take from a few weeks to more than a year.


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## Guest (Feb 14, 2010)

Hi Mummyof2,

Sorry to gatecrash, but we are also stuck with a LA which is behaving strangely (as you know from another thread). So we were wondering, you're saying you didn't need to do the prep course again and were allocated a SW quickly. But did your new agency ask you to do your personal references, CRB's and medicals again when you swapped? Or did they get them from your previous agency? We read that some agencies are reluctant to pass on documents and that apprently they have the right to, because it costs them money. What was your experience?

Thanks a lot!

Rivka x 

PS I'm not stalking you, honest


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Rivka, we swapped after the preparation course so didn't have the medical, references or crb check at that stage as those are not done until just before the home study starts at our LA.


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