# End of a long journey - no sibling for my son



## beebee76 (Jan 7, 2010)

Over the last eight years, chronologically I have had one miscarriage, two ectopics both resulting in tube loss, divorce then success after 1 attempt at IVF with new partner and thee birth of my amazing son Thomas. A blissful six months of breast feeding and then I have had three more unsuccessful attempts at IVF wanting to give him a brother or sister. Despite it not being my initial problem it turned out that my FSH was high and AMH low and now at 37 I am unable to produce any mature eggs even on the highest doses of stims and triggers and taking every supplement I have ever read about on here. 

I am so grateful to have my gorgeous son and I really do make the most of every moment but I cannot help feeling that I have failed him and I cannot help feeling so very very sad that I have not been able to have another child. I am an only child and from a very early age I was very clear that I did not want the same experience for my own, I always said I wanted four, that blithe belief that you can have as many children as yoi want seems so ridiculous now. It is early days, we only just found out the last attempt failed but I feel so desperately sad, and then I feel guilty for all the people who would be happy just to manage to have one child but for me I feel that I have not created a proper family for him or for me. 

Has anyone else felt like this? Can anyone tell me how they have come to terms with it or moved kn?


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Beebee,

I am sorry you find yourself here.  If you go further down the home page there is a 'Moving on' For those with children.

You may get more response there.  

X


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## hogmeister (Jan 14, 2008)

Hi am very sorry to hear about all you have gone through, you cannot look back and say you didn't try. Would you consider donor eggs? That it what I have done to give my DS a sibling, they will be related to him and my DH and that is enough for me xx


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## beebee76 (Jan 7, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. Xx


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## 3crazycats (May 9, 2011)

Hi Beebee

I like you had always planned to have a large family with at least four children, not realising that life wouldnt actually turn out like that.

Our original male factor problem meant ICSI and third attempt we successfully had our daughter.  Since then I have naturally conceived three times, two ending in natural miscarriage and the last an ectopic along with my left tube. We tried ICSI again last year but it failed.

I never wanted only one child and feel awful coming from a large family myself that she will never have a brother or sister but at least I can explain when she is older that I tried my best for her.

I will never get over wanting more but like you, I think of the people who never got their dream of becoming parents so I know I am the luckiest person in the world.

Sorry I probably havent helped but sending hugs


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

BeeBee I hope you don't mind me replying as I come from a different perspective. I'm an only child you see and perfectly happy. I think it benefitted me to become a strong and independent person and me mum and dad most definitely were a "proper family", we may have been just three but we were a damn happy little family of three and I'm sure you will be too. Three is in fact the magic number after all.

If you still think you really want more you could always look at adopting, I'm sure any agency would be pleased to have an already experienced mum and dad apply.


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