# Feeling confused regarding when to try for number 2



## Pollywally (May 4, 2012)

Hi everyone 

I had a baby boy by CS (conceived via IVF) in April. Prior to having him I had been diagnosed as having unexplained infertility. Tests showed various aggravating factors all to do with me and not my DH (I have a slightly lower than average egg count for my age; tests showed that one of my fallopian tubes may be partially blocked; I have very mild PCOS and I had a lot of bleeding in between periods). Despite all of the these things my consultant was adamant that I was unexplained and that none of these factors could be pin pointed as being the root cause.

I am 35 and having now experienced the sheer joy of motherhood (I knew I wanted a baby but I have been overwhelmed by just how much joy this little boy has brought into our lives) I don't want to risk not being able to have another. I know that it is not guaranteed that I can have another one but I don't want to look back and regret any delay given my age. Also during my post partum check my GP advised me not to delay TTC again by more than a couple of months given my history and age. 

We were really lucky to get 4 blastocysts that could be frozen from our cycle so that is an option we could use if need be but I know nothing is guaranteed and I would like to TTC naturally for a couple of months first.

BUT: I am really worried about how I will be viewed by my managers and work colleagues if in the unlikely event I did fall pregnant again quickly. I have  a job that I really like and have been working towards for a number of years. I get on with everyone and my managers were supportive throughout my treatment and all the ups and downs that went along with it. I somehow feel like I will have betrayed their good will towards me if I sauntered off on maternity leave again so soon. 

The other thing is I worry that it would be unfair to my baby boy if I were to conceive again quickly. Also we only have a two bedroom house although I suppose when children are very young thats not so much of an issue. 

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am facing a real dilemma. I almost feel stupid even writing this because it took so long to have this baby - in all likelihood it won't be an easy task for me to get pregnant again. Can anyone give me there opinion please? My DH told me he is happy to try again and not delay. 

My heart says to go for it.


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## wibble-wobble (Apr 16, 2011)

No experience, but just want to say: if your heart is say go for it, your Dh is saying go for it. Then you should 

You need to do what makes you happy, if you delay you may regret it. Work will be there when you are ready to go back and you really shouldn't think that you shouldn't do something just to please others. You'd be betraying yourself if you were to ignore your feelings and advice given to you by your Gp and as we all know fertility decreases year on year

Chances are if they were good with you first time round they will be the next time.

You seem to have thought of how to resolve other practicalities with your housing.

I don't think it's unfair to your lo to try to give them a sibling, he may start to ask why he doesn't have one in a few years time. You'll be able to say you gave it your best shot if things weren't to happen for you


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Pollywally

Congratulations on your son    Like wibble wobble I've not been in your situation but just wanted to respond to your query about work.  What will you regret when you look back in 10 years?  Getting pregnant and having 2 periods of maternity leave close together or not having tried for a sibling when you wanted too?  Work as rewarding as it can be is not as important as family.  Things change at work so quickly, new managers, systems and cuts all mean things rarely last for long, so this great job now might be a not so great one in a few years anyway.  Yes people would probably have a little grumble about you going off again so soon but legally there would  be nothing they could do and actually if you were pregnant, would you really be that bothered?

Dory
xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

as long as you are confident you are physically ready i say go for it.  
if not confident maybe try reflexology to help you feel ready to go.


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

As others have said it's important to do what you would least regret long term.

It will potentially make things tricky with work short term but realistically your job is just that whereas your child/children are going to be part of your life forever.

Personally I'd recommend starting again as soon as physically you're ready. We were given title "unexplained" infertility & after 5 years of TTC finally had a baby in 2008. My periods returned about 7 months later and we started trying again - naturally at first then back to IUI & IVF - as like you, the urge to have another was so strong having discovered the reality of what it was to become a mummy. For us, despite starting so soon, it's only now six years later we've managed a pregnancy that will hopefully bring us the joy we've longed for all this time. I was 38 when had DD so our chances were lower than yours so hopefully it won't take you the length of time it's taken us but equally it's probably not worth worrying about what your work will think until you're in that place. I've little doubt that even if it is in only a few months time you'll be so over joyed to be pg that you will not really be that bothered by the concerns you're thinking about now!!!

As for being "unfair" on your baby boy I think the fact as a family you're going to be so happy the overall environment is going to be a far better one for him to live in. There's never an age for children where if you think about it you're not disrupting/changing their life. With a small age gap it's harder work for you and you're likely to be bit more frazzled having to share your time between two. Wait a few years & your time easier but arrival of a baby for 2/3 year old can be very tricky. A bigger gap still means an "only child" now got to share everything which isn't going to be easy as had long time living a life centered around them. So technically any parent who has a second child at ANY point is being unfair!!! Or, you can flip things around & list all the benefits a child will get from becoming a big brother/sister and can guarantee that for all ages there's way more than I could find time to write here.


Hope that when you feel ready you are able to put worries aside and achieve further joy in your lives


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## Boggler (Jun 28, 2011)

Hiya 

I'd go for it if I was you. We are 2.5 years down the line and a lot of transfers later still trying for that second miracle ivf baby. (After 3 years trying for the 1st) We are also unexplained and even had proven fertility to start with so nothing's a given.

From a work prospective you need to put what's right for you and your family first. You will find that most people will respect this .

Best of luck
Boggler


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## BrummyMummy (Jul 26, 2015)

Hiya Pollywally,

We already have a 19mo conceived naturally and I have been worrying about if we are really ready for no 2, and the impact on our daughter.  We've never been through IVF tho so we have no idea what to expect, I sometimes wonder if we should wait a while longer and enjoy being a family of three without any stress.  However, my husband had cancer just after our daughter was born, and after nearly losing him, I feel strongly it's important to put ourselves first and do the things that make us happy, as you just never know what's around the corner.  For that reason, we are hoping to start IVF soon    

Good luck!!


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## Pollywally (May 4, 2012)

Thanks so much for your replies. They have helped put things into perspective and I have had another chat with DH this evening and we have made the decision to start TTC again. I feel a bit nervous because once again I am facing some of the same feelings I had before I got pregnant with my son; although this time I already have one baby which I am hugely thankful for. I still haven't got my period back so that might take a while yet anyway. I am panicking this evening because I haven't had anything through from the clinic about embryo storage and its a year to the day since I had my egg collection. Someone on the parenting board told me that their clinic gave them a further 6 months grace before embryos were actually removed from storage. Does anyone know if this is standard practice? I don't know how I am going to get any sleep tonight. 

Thanks again


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## Pollywally (May 4, 2012)

BrummyMummy said:


> Hiya Pollywally,
> 
> We already have a 19mo conceived naturally and I have been worrying about if we are really ready for no 2, and the impact on our daughter. We've never been through IVF tho so we have no idea what to expect, I sometimes wonder if we should wait a while longer and enjoy being a family of three without any stress. However, my husband had cancer just after our daughter was born, and after nearly losing him, I feel strongly it's important to put ourselves first and do the things that make us happy, as you just never know what's around the corner. For that reason, we are hoping to start IVF soon
> 
> Good luck!!


Brummy, I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear what you and your husband went through after your daughter was born. That must have been awful. What you say in your reply is so true and really helps put things into perspective. Take care and I wish you the very best of luck in your IVF  x


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## BrummyMummy (Jul 26, 2015)

Thanks Polly. Thankfully he is now ok! Fingers crossed it will stay that way  I'm glad you've made a decision and j hope it's a smooth road for you this time xxx


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## joiedevivre (Dec 16, 2013)

Hey Polly,

I similarly have a high profile career and also have unexplained infertility and am also around the same age.  I had similar worries to those you described but am so overwhelmed with the love and joy our son (now 8 months old) has brought into our lives, that I've decided to leave the guilty and worry at the door and just go for #2.  I realize that most of my worries are just that and they never materialize into anything real.  For example, my work colleagues really don't seem to care (or maybe realize?) how less present I am than I thought they would.  I think it has to do partly with the fact that we're talking about you making another baby! It's not like you're sitting at home slacking off.  Best of luck to you hun.  

See you on the trying again boards!


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## ScarletAnn (Mar 14, 2013)

Hello, thought I'd chip in  
We are expecting our second baby in April. Our little girl turns 2 in May. 
So far we are having a smooth time with her and she's oblivious to any changes we are making, and the fact my tummy is bigger. I'd say go for it. It's lovely for me knowing that I still have a lovely cuddly little girl, and that she will have a little friend to play with and grow up with. Xx


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