# still finding it hard to cope



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi i have a 6 year old child from a previous relationship though i had my son quite young (1 i still continued college and part time work and the relationship became really bad and i left. I had depression quite bad though not through been a mum but from my ex partner after he treated me badly. When my son was 1 i found my now amazing fiance who ive been with for 5
years, i took me out of depression and is great with my son. I fell pregnant 2 and half years ago and sadly ended in a ectopic pregnancy after descovering i had internal bleeding and a tube rupture i had my tube removed  . A year after that i found my left tube was partially blocked and damaged and id need ivf. Which i have to pay for. Im currently on a waiting list for a lap n dye and maybe a left tube removal if needs be. I feel so upset about it. I feel guilty i cant give my fiance a child without paying thousends for ivf. We work but ivf is so costly with no gurantee. After my ectopic i was obsessed with taking tests etc and now i have a diagnosis i dont take tests. What hurts more is there are so many pregnant women at my sons school, my partners brothers expecting there baby and i find it hard to be around them.   I just want to cry all of the time. I feel anger upset guilt and i dont know what to do i feel everythings on hold. My partner is supportive but doesnt understand how i feel sometimes he just says our time will come but i just cant see it like that, how do i overcome all of this, one minute im ok and bubbly and the next im moody and in tears im just not the same anymore please send me some positive vibes     im really hope ivf works when we do have it


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## bexray (Mar 17, 2013)

Hi tinkerbell24,
Sorry to hear of your situation, its never easy :-( 

I had both my tubes removed in 2009 and am starting my first ivf this month, i also have a son who is 12 years old now. (I had him when i was 17) Its hard when conceive naturally and then be hit wit with fertility problems i met my new partner when my son was 5, my partner has no children (altho he classes my son as his own) i would love nothing more then for him to experience being a father from the very beginning and also give my son a sibling!
Are you in London?
X


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou for your reply. Im not in london im in staffs. I always got told i was really fertile as i got pregnant twice on the pill one ending in mmc at 13 weeks so now been told i cant have children is a real blow. My sons always asking for a sibling. Im lucky i have my son but really want another baby and cant stand pregnant women it really hurts, good luck for your ivf x


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Tinkerbell24, I know all those feelings.  They dominated my life for a while ... long enough for me to never truly forget how it was.  But as you start IVF, remember you've been pregnant and you've carried a baby to full term.  These things really increase your chances of IVF working first time.


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