# How do you know it's the right LO



## Guest (Apr 5, 2013)

Hi

Have read many posts etc. how do you know that you are the right parents for a LO, lots of people say " you just know instantly when you read a profile".  We have seen quite a few and also discounted a few, some we definitely want to pursue further but we've not yet got that "instant feeling" that many people say.

Don't get me wrong we have enquired and waiting for more information, before we make a decision/enquired further...... Am just wondering if there is always a "instant feeling". ?? 

X


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

I think there is an instant feeling. When we saw our Lo's profile we fell in love straight away. as time progresses and we saw more photos and found out more information that love definitely grew. i think it is like when you meet someone and fall in love with them and you just know they are the right person for you.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Dinks - the below thread may help

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=297111.0

After a few link failures I was in the "not an instant" thing just that on paper there wasn't anything we couldn't handle. The further along and more people we spoke to re lo the more we started to think he maybe was. Now he definately is.
X


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

Hi Dinks - have you seen profiles before you go to Panel? Lucky you if so! This time around I have tried to kid myself that you don't need to get the feeling that they're "the one", but actually, I believe you do. Some spark when you look at their picture, a warm feeling in your tummy when the child is described on paper.  But it's a very personal thing. We definitely felt it first time around, and when a problem arose that threatened the match, we almost felt bereaved (but it was ok, it went ahead!).


Peacelily xx


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## Doofuz (Mar 9, 2008)

I think it's hard to know how to feel, it must be a personal thing, as mentioned before. We have panel next month and after that we are obviously family finding is the next thing. I'm scared of many things and we aren't even at that stage yet. I think if you can envisage them in your life, doing the things that you do, growing up with your values then they are the right one for you. That and a little (if not big) tug at the heart  Good luck with panel


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

I didn't get 'that feeling'! I don't think we all do either. I just asked myself if there was any real reason why lo wasn't right for us and went from there. My husband and I felt we should make further enquiries and as we gathered more information that feeling started to grow more and more and today lo is home with us and couldn't be more right for us if we tried!! Good luck


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

I feel really stupid saying this and it is against everything dh and I had discussed. He knows me inside and out and He had always said I had to be strong and not 'fall' for the first little one that came along, we had to be rational, consider all the implications /factors and make a discussion from there. we had waited for so long he thought I would all head over heals for the 1 st little one... Even if they weren't right for us. We heard basic facts about our lo the day after panel. He seemed too 'right' and I kept thinking' there must be something thing they aren't telling us. There was nothing we could find to say no to and the few issues there where we really thought they weren't issues iykwim. The next day we mt sw, found out more and dh sad ' when the soonest we can bring our boy home?'. So muh for holding back, He was totally smitten and as we found out more We both just knew. I know it sounds daft but even though he has the complete opposite  colouring from dh and i everyone thinks he looks like us. This feeling he is ours was confirmed the other week when we thought we had lost him. Like peacelily said it felt like a bereavement. 

I truly believe  he is for us BUT like I don't honestly think there is only 1 true love for each of us ( i think we have the capacity to love someone else if the situation and timing is right/different ) I also think there are other Lo's that would have been as right for us. Perhaps this will change when he is in our arms but I certainly wouldn't beat myself up over it.
Perhaps sometimes something isnt right but it also  isn't wrong. 
Xxx


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## Doubleprincesstrouble (Jan 28, 2013)

Hiya, 

We fell for a profile advertised by our agency before we had even applied. (I did try to keep a level head and did lots of research into their extra needs ) but really we were both really besotted with them right from the start. Once we read their CPRs we felt very strongly that they were the ones.

I have said before how much it helped during the tough bits of introductions to already adore them.

That said this was our first link and had this fallen through I think I would have hardened my heart the next time around. Its incredibly emotionally risky. I know how destroyed we would have been had it fallen through at any point really. 
So I don't blame  anyone for holding back !


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## Guest (Apr 7, 2013)

Thankyou everyone for your replies, it really helps.  I so want us to get that instant feeling and attraction, maybe because we are not approved yet, we are not taking the profiles as seriously as we would if we were in case something goes wrong! 

5 days to go and counting, then maybe we can relax and start making more enquiries.  After a difficult adoption journey I think we may have our guards up a bit until we get something positive!


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

When our SW brought a profile it was completely unexpected, she brought a picture out of her bag and put it on the table and my heart skipped into my mouth and I nearly burst into tears.  I can't explain what that means, we are not desperate for children but would love to make a family and this was the way we wanted to do it.  However, seeing that child really hit me and it took me completely off guard.  I thought it would be a case that I could dispassionately look through profiles and pick the one that seemed most suited but it just didn't happen like that. However, I am a fatalist and I know that if this link doesn't progress then it's for a reason and just means we are not the right parents for this LO but that the right LO(s) are still out there for us... iyswim?


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## Guest (Apr 7, 2013)

Thankyou Auntiekatie, fingers crossed for you! I am very much a true believer that everything happens for a reason, helps to keep focused as as well

Hope all goes well for youxxx


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Auntie Kate, that's  exactly how we feel. We will be devastated but if it goes wrong it's because we aren't meant to b his mummy and daddy. I was in John Lewis when our sw phoned about our lo. She didn't want to tell me but I made her lol  I wasn't with dh so I couldn't say a word. The world spun, I felt sick and it took everything in me not to burstinto tears. I phoned dh straight away but It was the longest few hours of my life waiting to get home to hug him. That's  my excuse why I've had to spend so much in that store  xx


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## Guest (Apr 7, 2013)

Oh Flash,how lovely! Made me laugh a lot about John Lewis! Least you won't forget where you were - better than being in Tesco's!! xx


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