# Hi I'm new to this site just thought I'd see how everyone else copes!! x



## jebby (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi everyone, I've just joined this site, already replied to a post (hi bearhug) and thought I'd start my own thread.
My husband and I have been TTC for 3 1/2 years nearly we're just about to start IVF and although I'm excited I'm petrfied in case it doesn't work (does everyone feel like this first go?).  I've come on here because although my family and friends try and show support they sometimes say things unwittignly that really cut to the quick like "just stop trying, you're trying too hard that's why it's not happening"  or "you're stressing about it all too much just be patient" or "I can't see you without children I just know it'll happen"!  Thanks but it's not really very heplful and actually just makes you feel a bit silly like you're causing the problem!  We have unexplained fertility which doesn't help as you don't have any answers!  My husband has a son from his first marriage so I'm a step mum at least and he is adorable and a very understanding 10 yr old!  

I'm tiny framed so they told me to put on some weight which might help so I have but still no avail why do they make you feel bad If you're slightly smaller than average or slightly bigger than average we all have wombs don't we no matter what bloody size we are!!  Everyone around me seems to fall pregnant just by looking at their partners some have been very insensitive and actually moaned to me about how they weren't even ready or sure they want kids! When people do that my head is like a scene from Ali Macbeal where she would fantasise about reacting how she really wants but smiling and being nice instead!  lol I'm lucky (in a weird way) that one of my close friends was 3 years ahead of me in TTC and after two attempts of IVF (one was ICSI) she now has a beautiful 6 month old boy everytime I see him he's like my little ray of light I'm not sure he'll ever know just how special I find him because he is my faith that things can work out eventually! 

One of my best friends lost her baby in September she was 39 weeks so close to the end, it was the most humbling experience in all of our lives, it's brought us so close together though as for very different reasons she now understands how I feel and have felt everytime someone conceives, and I can understand on some level how desperate she feels not having her baby here I hate it that she has to go through this all   and deal with grief at the same time, I felt it about her which I now feel incredibly guilty about, a couple of friends had miscarriages and I blamed myself for feeling so bad when they told me they were pregnant almost like I was to blame (which I know is ridiculous I'm really not that important to affect the outcome of peoples lives but you know what I mean) I think that's what I hate the most I don't want to feel bitter when someone gives me their news and I tell myself constantly that their good news isn't my bad news I'm starting to take it much better now just wish people didn;t give you that pitty face when they tell you, and then say ridiculous things like "I really didn't want to get pregnant before you and hurt you", and I just think well actually you did otherwise you would've just kept taking your pill!   Duh  I try not to stay angry at people as they don't mean to say silly things but they do, so anyway I've decided to come on here as a little oasis where everyone of us understands through bitter experience unfortunately exactly what we're all going through!  And hopefully make some friends along the way!   

Love and blessings to everyone x x


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## kaz_1985 (Jan 7, 2010)

In A Way I Know How You Feel i had 3 ectopic pregnancies before i was 21 and all through it i had 2 best mates one of which i met when i was in hospital after my first and she now has a beautiful little girl who i am god mum to but it was very hard for me to handle her having a child at first. then my other best mate was diagnosed with PCOS and is after seceral rounds of chlomid pregnant and she told me that telling me was the hardest thing she has ever had to do! i resented alot of pregnant people at first even my little sister but i know my time will come and i will have a child of my own untill then i will just be the best god mum and auntie  i can be.

xxxxKAZxxxx


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

you sound like you've had more than your fair share of helpful pearls of wisdom thrown at you. we'd love to hear them over on the stupid things people say thread:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=218463.0
good luck with your IVF


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## fairywings (Feb 19, 2009)

and welcome to Fertility Friends jebby!

Your story is all too familiar as I'm sure most of the ladies on here will agree!  It's fab to be able to share all the feelings that are perfectly normal to have, and not feel guilty about it!! 

Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ * CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Unexplained ~*CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will fnd a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

Its not all just serious stuff here, you can also have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of   and 

Love fairywings xx


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## poodlelover (Sep 3, 2009)

welcome jebby!
Yeah we've all felt how u do and still do. As for coping~ take it one step at a time. We're all here to help and even though I have only just joined FF after ttc for 7 years I dunno why I didnt do so before. At least u can feel ur not alone and we understand exactly what u are going thru.
Take care

PL x


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## jebby (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi,

It's nice to hear back from you it validates what I'm feeling and now I know I'm not alone with this (unfortunately wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone!)  my husband is brilliant but just feel I need a little bit extra support now we're about to start treatment!  So glad I found this site after just a few days on here I can tell it's going to be a god send!

Jebby   x x x


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## GirlGamer (Jul 22, 2009)

Hi Jebby sending   to u 
GGxx


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## bearhug (Jun 19, 2009)

Hello Jebby! I've just read your reply to my thread and your post and it's sooooo nice to meet someone  who is feeling the same way and getting the same daft comments like "it'll just happen if I stop thinking about it " and "you're going to have to get used to it, there are babies everywhere and you can't avoid them" (particularly my manager when I've tried to explain why I'm finding it really hard being seated next to preganant colleagues).  I stopped counting my preganant friends when it got to 15, you're right, it's just too disheartening. Took me ages to figure out why I couldn't reply and realised I wasn't logged on, ooops.!! Anyway, logged on now and have found the fairy dust and sending you lots of it with a big GOOD LUCK!!!


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## jebby (Jan 4, 2010)

hi bearhug, I did the same thing, wasn't logged on and couldn't for the life of me figure out how to start a new topic!! .  I can't believe how much better I feel just coming on here every few days reading and writing comments, it's sad and amazing at the same time that there are so many of us going through this and feeling so alone when we're not!!  I just want to start treatment now not long to wait now though it felt like it took forever to get to the three year point when we were told we could have assistance and now we're weeks away!!  Thanks for the fairy dust x x x


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## lil lisa (Jan 14, 2010)

Hi jebby.... 
Like you i just found this site,well actually i was nosing around for weeks before actually joining in,and i feel sooo much better for it.You are most definately not alone in any of of your feelings,i really do know exactly where your coming from.
We have been together 10 years and ttc for 6,all the while my younger sister getting pregnant,all of our friends having there second or third,his brother having their fourth,all of my cousins having children,and then my mum saying silly things like"by the time i was your age your brother was two"my brother being 8 years younger than me,and not realising for one second how crap that made me feel..
Its not their fault though,there is no way you could begin to understand the frustration,guilt,sadness,bitterness and the emotional strain that you feel..the pressures it puts on your relationship,your finances,and health.
Anyway thats why this site is so good,we can all have a moan and let it all out and someone will understand just where your coming from..

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.Take good care of yourself.
Sending very best wishes and lots of babydust..xxx


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## Lovejoyslady (Jan 23, 2010)

Hi Jebby 

New to the site too and just read your post. I share your feelings completely. I'd had four people say to me in the last month: "I can't see you without children I just know it'll happen"!  I so want to wish that is true. My close friend has just announced she is pregnant and it's bitter sweet. You are happy for them, but want it so much for yourself. It does seem to me that everyone around me is just super fertile and my body is just not co-operating. My DH and I have been TTC for almost 2 years. Last failed cycle of IUI in September and now D/R for first IVF cycle. How is your treatment going so far? I;m not looking forward to my first lot of injections next week.  

Lovejoyslady xx


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## bearhug (Jun 19, 2009)

Hello Jebby!  My friend said to me again last night, after 2 1/2 years of saying it,  "don't worry, it's going to happen soon, I promise". I finally told her to please stop saying that because it really doesn't help, I said it nicely and I think she felt bad anyway and then I felt bad.  . Anyway at least it might make it easier to talk to her about it as she's one of my best friends and I should be honest with her if she thinks she's making me feel better and it's having the opposite effect. I've decided today to start telling people if they are saying things that aren't helpful, unless you're going through it i guess it's hard for people to understand. Take care x


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## jebby (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi everyone who's replied since my last post! I'm feeling positive today for some unexplained reason I guess we all have good days and bad hey?? My DH has been really struggling lately I think it's because we are actually going to the IVF clinic next week and I think he thought we would miraculously conceive naturally before we got to go bless him, it's so hard to support each other through a problem you share sometimes as neither one of you is strong enough to carry the other.  I'm slightly concerned that I've got a bit muddled as the date I thought was a start date for hormones or at least something I think may be just another consultation, we have a 'group seminar' next week, has anyone else been to this don't know what to expect  Then we have a consultation on the 10th surely this must be the begining how many times do you need to sit in a chair and be told that you are eligible for IVF just start the IVF already!!  But as I have my positive head on I will convince myself that it will all be ok and we will be starting treatment (ladies be ready to pick me up if I'm wrong) 

Love and wishes to all   x x x


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## swoodhouse (Apr 8, 2009)

hi hun i know exactly how you feel we are on our second attempt but our first one was sucessful we now have a seven year old daughter we are going to have our embryo transfer on tues and i too am petrified in case it does not work what clinic are you under and the very best of luck to you fingers crossed


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## jebby (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi everyone,
Well I'm not doing so good today as we went to Bourne Hall yesterday for what I thought would be the start to treatment (naively) to find out it was yet another consultation and that the earliest they can fit us in for a cycle is the end of June!!!  I'm slowly going out of my mind    Also the doctor dropped a complete bombshell as previously we had been told that all our test results had come back normal, the last time they tested us they didn't bother to contact us with results we just got our refferal, well it turns out that we have a major problem my DH's sperm count is seriously low it's gone from 20million/ml from a test we had 1 1/2years ago to 5 million so we have no chance of conceiving!!  He has taken it very badly and we can't understand as he does have a son from his first marriage (maybe she was super fertile!!!) From reading up on causes I think it may be due to his new career as he drives a lot and didn't really before, he has extremely hot baths and smoked for years although he quit when we got together.  He also drinks a lot of coffee I tried to switch him to decaff but he said what's the problem they said my sperm count is fine (little did we know!!)  Does anyone know if they can take anything or do anything to raise sperm counts  I've had him on zinc and vitamin C before would that help??  I've always thought the problem had to lie with my fertility and they just hadn't figured out what, I'm so angry our hospital didn't tell us this it was so awful as the consultant said it as if we were completely aware!!!  We now will be having ICSI which I guess is better in some ways right  I'm so fed up when will this nightmare end!!!  

Love and wishes to all x x x


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## poodlelover (Sep 3, 2009)

Hi Jebby
You poor thing!! June  
On a pos note tho a friend of mine was in a similar situation~she thought prob was with her endometriosis but then they found her husband had rubbish sperm. So she made him taken Zita West supplements for 3 months prior to their next ICSI and his sperm improved beyond belief! Also made him turn off his heated car seats and wear loose underwear, cooler baths etc and they are now the proud parents of a DS so just goes to show there are things you can do. My reflexologist also treats men with prob sperm and gets results. Just a thought~ at least you have got time to try something before your next go 

Good luck!
PL x


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