# Understanding the donor matching process



## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Dear Fertility Friends!

I've been using the site for research over the last few weeks but this is the first time I have posted something. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure about a month ago which has come as a huge shock. All I have ever wanted is to be a mother and the discovery at age 30 and newly married that this can never happen has been shattering. I am clinging onto the hope that my husband and I might be able to have children through egg donation and have been doing lots of research on the internet to learn as much as I can.

As there are so few donors in the UK we are seriously considering using a clinic abroad, probably in Spain as so many people seem to recommend these. One of the things that I'm not 100% clear on from my reading is the matching process. I understand that the clinics try and match as much as possible on looks (hair colour, eye colour etc) but I wondered how much matching is attempted on other characteristics such as educational background, interests etc. I understand that the donor egg process can never be an exact science and that I have to come to terms with the fact that there will be no genetic link between myself and the child but my husband, in particular is worried about the matching process and is concerned that we might have a child who is academically very different from our families and who therefore might struggle to fit in with us.

I would hate to come across as someone who would like to select the perfect baby as at the end of the day the gift of a child, any child, would be the greatest thing that could happen to us but I hope it is normal to be concerned about the loss of genetic connection and the fears that the child might not fit in or will be very different to us.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this or know anything about the matching process and whether they try and match on characteristics like educational background and interests? I know that in the US they do this but have not discovered any information about this in the UK or Europe.

Thanks for your time girls!

Moppet x


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## honneybee (Feb 21, 2007)

hi moppet.

I am doing donor egg share at mo, when I went for my appointment. I was told besides the physical appearance. they like a bit of background too. Like whether you are sporty a little educational stuff etc... so yes some clinics do ask this but the amount of info you give is upto you. (please tell me if I am wrong anyone). I spoke to the councellor about it because it was quite interesting to hear different views on this. So if you are a ricipient you will have some sort of choice.

mitch
xx


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## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Thanks so much for your speedy reply.

We are going to an information session at the London Women's Clinic tonight about egg sharing and so I hope to find out more about whether or not this might be an option. Its good to hear that it may be possible to know more about the donor and I know this would make my husband feel better.

Am I right in saying that you are donating rather than receiving eggs? You are a wonderful person for deciding to make someone else's dream come true. I hope the egg donation and your own IVF goes well.

Moppet


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## honneybee (Feb 21, 2007)

Hi Moppet, I am donating yes. I am no saint hun   I also benefit too. I have just got off the telephone from my nurse only a couple of minutes ago. she just confirmed my details and yes she also mentioned my academic qualities including my job I have, that kind of things so I believe you do get a say hun.

I wish you all the luck in the world moppet, as I am sure your decision is just as hard to make. as mine for ethical reasons.  but I have always wanted to give something back and now is my chance. Yours is to be a wonderful mum, which you know you will be!  

mitch
xx


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Moppet
Mitch is right...in the UK most clinics will try and match for more than physical characteristics.  I understand that in Spain very little information about the donors is available.  In Spain many egg donors are students in higher education but sometimes they are Eastern European women working in the hotel industry.  They seem to be preferred when paler skin, hair and eye colour is required for matching purposes.  They may also be students but I don't think you get that information.  Of course in the UK the donor will be unknown to you but must be willing to be known to any child from that child's 18th birthday, should they choose to have this information.  This is not true in Spain where anonymity for donors remains. Donors are also paid in Spain and not paid in the UK.  These are important differences to weigh up before going ahead.
Best of luck in your decision making.
Olivia


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## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Thankyou.

The UK is definately a more attactive option but with the change in legislation recently there are so few egg donors we may have to wait years for a donor.

All food for thought...


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Moppit...

SNAP!!   I also have POF and was newly married when diagnosed. I know how painful the journey to DE is, if i can help at all just give me a shout. 

At my clinic, in the UK, when they offer you a donor they give you a little bit of info about the donors hobbies, education etc but only if the donor says this info can be passed on. I would echo what Olivia has said about anonymity.....don't rush into anything. We were sure we were going abroad but then had a complete u-turn. You had any counselling?

Why not come and join us on the POF thread under starting out and diagnosis   The girls are great on there

Good luck with whatever you choose

Luv
Florie x


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi again
Waiting lists for egg donation do vary enormously from clinic to clinic.  I have spoken to two women recently (at different clinics) who have been offered a donor within two months of joining the list.  In each case they turned the donor down as they felt it was all too soon for them!
Incidentially, have you been told about the Daisy Network, the only support organisation specifically for women who have gone through a premature menopause.  You can find them on www.daisynetwork.org.uk
Best wishes
Olivia


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