# RELIEF AFTER TAKING THE BIG DECISION



## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Hello there

I've been using the site for a while and even posted on the considering adoption pages back in April.  After two unsucessful fertility treatments, myself and my husband have decided to take the big decision to join you all on the Adoption Journey.  I'm not sure if its the same for everyone, but we are so relieved and excited to have finally made a decision and to be looking forward to the future with a near sure hope that we may one day enjoy the joy of children and parenting after all.  All of the stories, I've been reading inlcuding Karen and Richard's gives me so much hope.  

Obviously we are only at the start of things at the moment and are scheduled to attend our Introduction to Adoption meeting at the end of September.  

Could anyone give us an idea of realistic timescales for prep courses, home study, panel approval, etc etc.  I appreciate that the timing vary considerably but would really value your advice.

We are soooooo excited to be finally be boarding a HAPPY train again after so many years of riding on the infertility rollercoaster.  

I really would like to get to know some more people in the same position and wish everyone currently using this thread the very best wishes for future happiness !

Kind regards

Nicola


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Nicola

Welcome to the crew.  I like you felt like a weight had been lifted off of our shoulders when we started down this road.

As you say, the journey varies in length.  Mine took alot longer than normal due to a local influx of children outside the age range we want to adopt and an SW who went on long term sick .

Here's a breakdown of our timescales so far.

Jan 2003 - intial enquiries
Feb 2003 - home visit to enrol on process
April 2003 - offered a place on the prep course but on hols for the dates.
June 2003 - prep course
Sept 2003 - allocated Sw who went long term sick  
Nov 2003 - started home study with new SW
April 2004 - went to panel
July 2004 -matched to two children and hopefully will have them moving in end Oct/beg Nov  

You can expect about 8/9 visits for the home study and then the timescales for paperwork etc for panel take about a month out of the timeframe.  I know the govt are trying to get it down to 8 months between registration and panel.

Don't forget to join us on the thread and look forward to sharing you jounrey with you.

Wishing you lots of luck and adoption babydust  

Love
Karen x


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Jac and Karen thank you for your message

Karen, the information you have given me on timescales is very valued, thanks again !!!  Things seem to be steaming ahead for you at the moment, I bet that you are so excited about the match.  When will you learn of the foster family's recommendations and the panel's final decision?  DId the social worker make you feel at all bad for wanting to adopt under 3's only?  I have spoken to two Local Authority ss staff and they have both had different approaches.  I think that we will find out about the two local agencies and then decide to make a decision which one to lodge our application with once we have found out a bit more.

So where is the regulat chatt at the moment, you refer to joining you all, which thread do you mean ?

Thanks again for your kind words Karen and I look forward to chatting with you a lot more in the future

Love Nicola X


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## Hun (Jul 14, 2003)

Nicola

I wondered what had happened to you....Good luck in your journey!!! Don't forget to let us E.Anglian girls know how you are getting on - and we look forward to meeting your precious little one at one of our future meets!

Hun xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Nicola

Here's the link to the thread

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,10705.90.html

I need to update our list actually so I'll add you to it.

Our Sw was great about the ages. We actually extended it to say two under 4's but she thoguht we should have stuck with under 3's as it turns out, the girls will both be 1 & 2 in Nov.

We went to go with another Local Authority but they would not allow us to progress until we had attended an open evening, which they kept cancelling . In the end we contacted another and they were only too keen to get us started. I went more by the reaction that I was given when I rang for information and it seems to have paid off.

In terms of where we are at, we are hopefully going to panle to be approved for the girls on 23rd Sept or 21st Oct. Nothing can happen until the court frees them for adoption which is not until 18th Oct. In the meantime, I am nesting by buying generic stuff which if it fell through would not to waste on other children 

Bye for now

Love
Karen x


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

This is my first time posting on this site, but I have been following it with interest for a long time.

We have been TTC since early 2000 and after 2 attempts with Clomid and 3 IUI attempts we have decided to pursue adoption.  Again it was like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders when the decision was taken out of our hands and we finally started to relax.

I am adopted and so is my sister (not birth related) and we have had a fantastic upbringing.  I know it was different in the 60's but adoption has been fulfilling to me personally and I hope that I can instill the same confidence in any children that are placed with us. 

We are in the very early stages and are hoping to be allocated a place on the next Preparation Group in our area in September.

Thanks Karen for giving us some idea of the timescales.  It is slow at the moment, but I am quite happy not too rush things and not be fully prepared.  It is really exciting though.

Tracey


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Hi Tracey

Welcome to the thread.  Its great to know that other people are also like us about to commence their journey into adoption.  

I don't think that we will be able to get on a prep course until Jan/Feb/ or April May next year.  But fingers crossed you never know.  

Where abouts are you in the country tracey?, I'm in Cambridgeshire and will be looking into both of my local adoption agencies.

I look forward to chatting with you more in the future

Best Wishes

nicola x


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Nicola

We are in Lincolnshire.  I think we only have one adoption agency, I had not thought about it until now.  Our Social Worker is trying to search for my birth records so I presume that we only have one - we have not been told otherwise.

I look forward to keeping up with your news and others that are much further down the line.

Tracey


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya Nicola and Tracy

Welcome to our group - please do join us on the other thread. It's true about the relief you feel. The decision to stop treatment seems so huge when you're trying to make that step, but once you've stepped off the rollercoaster, the relief is immense. And what a wonderful feeling it is, just to finally be able to dare to dream of having a family. I know I'd never dared so much look at a baby magazine or glance in a mothercare shop window before now, and it is lovely to just feel like an "expectant mum" for the first time ever! It's so exciting.

Don't be too concerned about having to wait ages for start of process, we were told in May that we'd have to wait til October to start our prep course - and then we get a letter inviting us to the July course! We couldn't believe it! And now we're a 3rd way through our home study and hoping for panel January - believe me, when you get started, the time just flies by!!

Keep in touch, and if I can answer any questions, just let me know

E x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Karen Hi Tracy,
                        Welcome to our happy little group. I only joined this board a few weeks ago and it is really good as someone always posts most days which is a lot better than some other site.

After 6 Icsi we have turned to adoption and it the best thing ever  the relife is so overwelming, as Ever says you can start to really think about becoming a mummy and daddy some day 

Our time scale so far has been prety quick, phoned round all local La's mid march, attended info evening 10th June, started prep course 30th June ( just lucky had spare places) started home study last friday27th aug, 2nd visit this friday, hoping to go to panel Christmas/Newyear.

I did phone up inbetween prep course finishing and home visit starting to give them a little nudge  

Come and join us on the update thread.

Mandyxxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Tracey

Welcome to the group.  Its also nice to hear that you have had a positive experience of adoption.  I've been amazedas I've gone along and it has become more public about what we are doing by the number of people who are themselves are adopted.

The timsescales vary in each area but hopefully the timescales I have expereinced can make people realise it isn't as qwuick as people imagine it to be.  The adoption route is still a rollercoaster, but at least you know that all being well you get the goal.

We have a daily thread called starting the journey (we're now on part 4!!), please feel free to join us over there.  I've posted the link in an earlier reply to Nicola.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi Nicola,

Welcome, we have also just started on the adoption journey and we have been to our intro meeting in Essex last week. Do let me know how things are going.

Morgana x


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Hi everyone 
I so agree with the comments of relief when you decide to come off the IVF roller coaster. We only had 2 cycles initally due to MF, but i also didn't produce any eggs and was told i had ovarian failure.  I researched alot, read alot and quickly came to the conclusion IVF/icsi would not work for us.  we had a 5 month break to give us time to really think how much being a parent ment to us, and we decided it ment alot, so here we are, so close to taking care of a little boy.  I feel better and more in control than with any fert treatment and know that one day we will 100% be parents.  Obviously i still am saddened that i will never carry a baby and Rob and i will never see what "our" baby will look like, but there is so much more to parenting than carrying the child.  I still have my dreams of what i would of looked like pregant , going for the scans and the delivery etc, i think all girls do, but when things take off with a potential placement those feelings fade and you just get wrapped up in your little un.  His future and security is what is important. I just thank my lucky stars i am in a relationship that weathered the storms of childlessness and that our form F was chosen.   It will all be worth it!!!!   to everyone love Becky xxx


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## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

bex32 said:


> Hi everyone
> I so agree with the comments of relief when you decide to come off the IVF roller coaster. We only had 2 cycles initally due to MF, but i also didn't produce any eggs and was told i had . I researched alot, read alot and quickly came to the conclusion IVF/icsi would not work for us. we had a 5 month break to give us time to really think how much being a parent ment to us, and we decided it ment alot, so here we are, so close to taking care of a little boy. I feel better and more in control than with any fert treatment and know that one day we will 100% be parents. Obviously i still am saddened that i will never carry a baby and Rob and i will never see what "our" baby will look like, but there is so much more to parenting than carrying the child. I still have my dreams of what i would of looked like pregant , going for the scans and the delivery etc, i think all girls do, but when things take off with a potential placement those feelings fade and you just get wrapped up in your little un. His future and security is what is important. I just thank my lucky stars i am in a relationship that weathered the storms of childlessness and that our form F was chosen.  It will all be worth it!!!!  to everyone love Becky xxx


 hi bex im in the same boat as you with ovarian failure i have had to gos at donor eggs..but still -neg, we have just done our courses now and waiting on a s,w,,, what ever way adoption is here to stay and we will be mummys one day...
love ang oxoxo


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

I just wanted to say good luck for everyone who is undertaking adoption process. i am a social worker and i know from experience that there are lots of children who would benefit from a stable home and loving parents/ it is amazing when you see a child who is withdrawn start making friends and being cheeky or one who is failing to thrive starts to look healthy and makes progress at school. It's not easy but it is rewarding. The children who need this most are usually a bit older or in a sibling group, but don't be put offby this.

As for timescales etc, I'd recommend checking adoption rates for neighbouring Local Authorities. The whole process should take no lomger than 9-12 months.
anyway good luck again to everyone.


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