# Something to shout/cry about



## Mrs Nikki

Hope Suzie doesn't mind me starting this but on a few boards we have this thread and it helps a tad, no one has to reply to each post just a place to rant and rave and cry cause god only knows we do on Clomid so thought this thread might be an idea.


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## Mrs Nikki

I'll start......

Angry and want to cry cause 1st course of Clomid didn't work and I now have to go through a 2nd course and poss 2nd course of s/e's!


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## Mrs_H

Very Angry Clomid cycle number 3 didnt work! mad as i didnt have any bloods to to see if i was ovulating ! 
wanna cry as i know it's one step closer to IVF for me !  

Saraxxx


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## flowerpot

This is what I need!        

ANGRY AND SAD....

1) my close friend has just announced she is pregnant
2) Valentines was ruined because I was throwing up everywhere
3) I've just smashed my car into someone, my car that I've only had 3 months


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## sarahstewart

Phew...what a great idea

Angry that bean left us and WHY me when there are loads of people who don't want their children around......I feel so bitter and twisted right now.

Angry that I left it late before TTC 

Angry and sad that DH does not even try and understand how these   pills make me feel

Angry and sad - that DH just didn't care that I cried my self to sleep last night.


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ ©

Can I join in  

Sad that I've conceived 3 times but not once sustained a pregnancy 

Angry that even though I ovulate naturally no problem, the 6mths of clomid "to boost" didn't work 

Fed up that everyone around me seems to be pregnant (4 friends at moment)...happy for them but WHY not me  ...and feeling jealous that there are two other friends actively trying who may get pg before me (say hello to the little green eyed monster  )

Annoyed with myself for leaving it until I was 34 to start ttc (37 now  ) 

Excited, scared, nervous, anxious but hopeful about starting IVF next month (and hospital just called to finalise everything so feel it really is happening...can't quite believe its come to this )

PS...Sarah...I'm with you on the bitter & twisted...don't get me started about a particular article I read in magazine the other day !!


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## Mrs Nikki

Want to cry cause I feel so sick and strange and have to go to work soon and just want to curl up under my duvet and cry.


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## b3ndy

how long have you got?......

 that I'm going to be 34 next week and still no sign of a bfp

 &   that I'm having to go through another painful period (am concerned there's more to it)

 that I got sucked in my consultant back in August who claimed that clomid was a wonder drug and I would be pregnant within the first month of taking it (who was he kidding??)

 that I didn't get my backside into gear and go with my first instincts and choose another clinic quicker.

 that I'm pushing my friends/family with children away, coz I'm fed up hearing how someone else is pregnant and it's NOT me.

 that I've backed myself into a corner in a career which, at the moment, is playing havoc with my life.


there....that's enuf to be going with!

S
xx


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## bubbleicious

I guess i can join this one too!

 and   that we never seem to be given information when we ask cons questions

   as hell as af is missing and BFN's

 that cons thought  6 months of clomid then IVF, when all they have done is a lap and dye and a sperm test.

 not sure what uis going on in my body now, and not looking forward to another month of the stupid pills.

 that we feel forced to go private but are worried about funds.

although i do have to say i have a delightful bf who is very supportive and i never feel on my own with this x


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## lou20

Sad for the fact that I'm 6 years older than DP & I really hope I can have a baby with him


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## KerryB

because of the pain my friend is going thru from losing her mum yesterday.

 because I never thought it would be this hard to have a baby.

 because I finished my last lot of Clomid last night, just Metformin for me now.

 that I might not be able to give DH the baby he wants.

 that people don't know how lucky they are to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat!

Oh, thats better!! 

xxx


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## maybe

Angry that I knew something wasn't right after only 6 months of tyring but GP wouldn't listen. 

Sad first cycle  of cloimd seems to have failed.
Sad Sister and SIL are having to go thru IVF .  This is supposed to be easy.
Sad and Angry good friend who wasn't even trying when we started announced today she is pg for second time.

AAARRRGGGHHHHH


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## *Bev*

Again i'm going to sound ungrateful, but here it goes:

 because everytime I allow myself to relax something happens, like spotting a couple of days after BFP, one day spotting after scan last week and now two days spotting since yesterday.

I feel like i'm over reacting but then I counteract my thought process with well wouldn't anyone who has been waiting and waiting for a baby.

I feel sensible when the spotting stops like no need to call the midwife, consultant, whoever if it happens again they have told me that its common, but doesn't rule out it ending in m/c and anything that I do won't stop me m/c ing if its going to happen its going to happen and then as soon as it comes again i'm back on the phone to get exactly the same bloody information  

I spent years wanting to be pregnant and looking forward to how it would feel etc.  No one tells you what you have to go through between "now" and labour.  Its almost as heartbreaking to not concieve as it is to have to worry about everything over and over again....

Sorry to winge, i'll be fine when this stops.................... until the next time......


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## petal pie

Brill idea here goes............................

-dont think clomid is working
-hate getting my hopes up all the time
-just seen really reallly really fat woman at the hospital clutching a set of maternity notes
-cant believe its this difficult to get pregnant when i know so many people who have accidents or come off the pill and fall pg straight away.
-found out another friend is pg this week
-just had progesterone blood test but think its a waist of time as dont think i ovulated.


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## Lucy_loud

Because I have been trying for 3 years and only conceived once and then had M/C at 6 weeks.
   Cos I don't think being this hopeful every month is a good idea.
 I don't know if this is what I want anymore...I have one child shouldn't I be happy with that?


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## jaffa_orange

Hiya, I'm not around here much these days, but would love the chance to sound off to a sympathetic audience.

 that I've only conceived once, and m/c  
 that my first IVF failed
   that my consultant says my embryos are poor quality and I can't do IVF again
 at 3 failed clomid + iui
 that I didn't respond to my injections on the last iui
 that me and DH are facing unemployment = no income = no treatment
 that IF is putting an unspeakable strain on my marriage
 that, after nearly 10K spent on IF treatment, we are now quite seriously in debt
 that I have not been valued by my employers, though I work hard and do a good job
 that over the last 3 days at work, I have learned that 3 of my colleagues are pregnant ..... and I'm not.

But I'm happy I've got you lot though.

Love

Jaff
xx


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## Mrs Nikki

If it isn't hard enough having BMS for sooooooo long with no results the damn clomid makes you feel that crap its even harder to get going


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## scratch

I am extremeley angry that the so called specalist wouldnt tell me what happens next. And she just sent me away telling me under no circumstances was i to take anymore clomid.

I am sad becuase I lost my 2 precious angels

Thats better

Sal x


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## VB

because my second IUI attempt was abandoned because the clomid worked too well and I had 4 mature follicles - so they wouldn't go ahead with the IUI - AND they charged me £250 !!

V xx


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## Mrs Nikki

and   and   that the clomid mentalness and paranoia is starting to kick in!


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## flowerpot

V - thats outrageous!


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## VB

Flowerpot

I know!  Really peeved me off and it was very upsetting, sent me home in   !  Have to halve my dose next month, to 25mg, she said to chop my tablet in half!

V xx


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## Keza !

!!! im gonna be a auntie and my ikkle man gonna be a cousin 

 !! MY AF arrived the day after my sister BFP and im ment to be happy im so so pleased for her been married since september but trying 4  5 months but gutted not my turn ( but i do have adam)


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## sarahstewart




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## Mrs Nikki

Wish my clomid/hormal head would go away


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## tracyb

I hate the 2ww   

I want a   now!!!!!!


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## flowerpot

Can we shout with happiness?

I wanna shout that I got a level of 58 progesterone!  The highest EVER!!!

xxx


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## Mrs Nikki

Flower esp for you

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,49590.0.html

We have this link on other boards so you go for it gal.


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## Mrs Nikki

I can feel the constant thoughts of _"am I or aren't I" _ building up as I come closer to the 2WW and I'm  off at myself for allowing them to start again but cannot help it!


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## flowerpot

i'm with you Nikki on that one, 

I HATE THE 2 WW!!!!!  ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH


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## candle76

want to shout cos can feel the a/f witch on the way, and  i am scared of getting the same painas last month

 becuase thats another month that i've failed to concieve..when will it end

 cos i've now had three cyles clomid , its effect has been to totally distrup my previously normal cyles
give me horrenous peroid pain, my consulant is reviewing my notes but this will probaly be the end of clomid for me......sad becuse everytime something dosen't work your options become more limited


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## sarahstewart




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## Mrs Nikki

I just don't feel like this cycle has worked and keep trying to cheer myself up but can't.


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## helen27

I'm   , no , because my appt with the consultatant got cancelled this morning (I was supposed to see him this afternoon), and so we were given a new appt time, but because my husband changed his travel dates (he works abroad for a couple of days every now and then) to ensure he was here for the appt (which got cancelled), the new appt is when he is now away and I have to go on my own!!!!!

I'm   because I got myself really psyched up to see the consultant (I always get a bit   seeing him in case he says something that makes me  ) 

I want to do this        

what do you know, I feel heaps better now for getting that of my chest!!  It's been festering there all day!!


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## flowerpot

sick of feeling ill, stomach pains and being sick


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## KerryB

Just  

xx


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## binty

So sorry you are   kerry did you want to chat



Binty


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## Mrs Nikki




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## flowerpot

crikey


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## sarahstewart

I  have lost my azurite crystal which encourages development of the embryo in the womb and I was slighty hysterical     WHERE THE FECK IS IT?


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## Lucy_loud

Aaaaargh!  CD21, so signs, no symptoms...no nuffink.  2WW is the hardest part of Clomid.  Just wish my cycles were 21 days long and not 28.  RANT RANT 
      to everyone this month


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## flowerpot

i've got to go for an ultrasound at 2.45 today 
don't let me have a cyst please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## flowerpot

Too late, bloody well got one!


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## flowerpot

AAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I HATE WORK AND MY BOSS IS DOING MY HEAD IN


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## KerryB

My last clomid cycle failed and its a 3 year wait for IVF/ICSI - if we ever get on the list!

xx


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## Mrs Nikki

It didnt work and Im going to have to go through this all again


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## Mrs Nikki

Why hasn't af started yet and why am I getting these damn hot poker stabbing pains in my right ovary region again - this is soooooo not fair - come on you witch cow get it over with.


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## Mrs Nikki

Come on AF start so I can start 3rd cycle


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## Pootle

Nikki

xx


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## karen-lynne

I have pcos in the first place

 I had cervical cancer which decreses my chance of pg again

 I feel like a   lady who cry's and shouts and feels totally alone, consultants dont get it, my bf doesnt get it!! 

  feels like the entire world is pregnant!!!! 

The 2ww drives me crazy, and then even if i do get pg how do i know I wont m/c again.  

mainly   sad i feel so alone  

Thanks girls feel a bit better now x


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## sarahstewart

Karen
sent you some   hun to start you off!  You aren't alone now you have us loopy clomid girls to talk to. 

Hugs

Sarah


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## KerryB

I had the perfect interview for the perfect job....but the salary is [email protected]! Why can't anything go right for me??

xxx


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## Mrs Nikki

BF text me today to say "_I met someone the other day who has the same problems as me and it only took her 6 years to fall pg, though she was younger and had more time left"! _


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## flowerpot

I've just seen my friend for the first time since she told me she is pregnant.  I'm both happy and sad at the same time


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## sarahstewart

I hate IF it fecking sucks        bring on the morning sickness and the swollen ankles I will LOVE it and not moan once


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## Mrs Nikki

Here here Sarah


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## flowerpot

Yep Sarah, well said.  Shoot me if i ever moan about morning sickness!!!


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## sarahstewart

I am totally fed up with this freezing cold weather - hurry up spring/summer !


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## flowerpot




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## Mrs Nikki

Im getting nasty stabbing pains in my left ovary an dthey really hurt


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## steph33

hi ladies 
just finnished a night shift and am so fed pains have been getting so bad lately  had a bad nite last nite and i get so wound up wen i speak to the gp as ther isnt much he can do other than give me pain killers but they dont always work 
im waiting a hycosy test to check my overies again poss ENDO AND PCOS 
depending on wot the test shows i will have to have a lap dont so they can go inside my remaining tube
just fed up today
steph


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## Lucy_loud

Miscarrying today


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## sarahstewart

Lucy


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## mads

Oh Lucy hun, don't know what to say. Never been in your position as never conceived. At least u know u can conceive if that's any consolation, probably not today.

Sending u lots of   and         and


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## KerryB

My feckin' tyre blew out yesterday, and we then discovered the whole front drivers suspension is shot!  

xxx


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## bbmonster

I hate infertility, i just want to give my lovely boyfriend aaaaaaaaaaarrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh


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## Mrs Nikki

I have wasted this cycle with a drunken night and not enough bms this month - what a stupid cow I am   I don't deserve a baby.


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## flowerpot

I've got horrid AF pains and backache and I really wanted to go to the gym


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## sarahstewart

I should be 19 weeks pregnant


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## Beathag

sarahstewart


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## sarahstewart

thanks beathag..   .I am actually feeling better today!  Just had a 'down' day yesterday......here's hoping to some more BFP's this month!!!


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## flowerpot

I just know my AF is gonna come late this week which means I'll be due on my next AF on the day we fly out on holiday, and all I'll want to do is curl up in bed with my hwb


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## Mrs Nikki

Combination of things have got me down today - all to do with OVing, clomid and ttc


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## KerryB

I'm still feeling sick and had bad Met bum! Hope it goes for wedding tomorrow!


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## flowerpot

I've got pmt and dh has just lost his grandad


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## sarahstewart




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## jess82

wanna   cos i feel like this cycle is already over as i'm having af pains and backache already and cant believe it!!

jess
x


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## Mrs Nikki

Stopping clomid has messed up my cycle


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## flowerpot

Having a [email protected] time at the moment, dh has lost his job and I can't sleep and feel exhausted x


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## sarahstewart

I want to be happy at friends who are pregnant but can't cos I feel so   that I am not pregnant....if I had not had a m/c I would be due to have a wee baby in August


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## tracyb

My doctor is an  , he doesn't want to give me a prescription for the injections I need


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## MrsS03

Similar to sarahstewart, can't feel happy for friends - 2 babies born in the last 5 weeks and they are both boys...just wish i could join the 'club'


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## b3ndy

am REALLY hating my job right now - totally demoralised and fed up, but am stuck at a crossroads not knowing what to do...maybe I should just take the plunge and start my cake making business??

S
xx


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## soozeee

that it took so long to make my little boy
 that he was taken away from me so soon (after 29 days)
 that I find myself back here, going through all sh*t, the stress, the drugs and side effects again
 at the whole uncertainty of conceiving and pregnancy and the fact that their are no guarantees.
  

Terrified that I could loose another baby......

love Suze
x


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## sarahstewart

to everyone feeling sad  B3ndy - I say go for it with the cake making business!!!!![br]Posted on: 8/06/06, 15:30


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## flowerpot

i hate knicker watch [br]Posted on: 9/06/06, 14:40AF got me once again 
hit me harder this time as I had different symptoms in the 2ww which raised my hopes even though I tried to not let them


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## shara

I did not ovulate this month.     

   I'm putting on loads of weight 
 my friends have all had babies, or are pregnant, I'm the only one left TTC. Its NOT FAIR    


good I needed that!

shara


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## flowerpot

big  everyone xxx[br]Posted on: 13/06/06, 14:49Suzie, can we have this sticky please? 

unfortunately, we all keep needing to shout and scream a lot! xxx[br]Posted on: 13/06/06, 15:10


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## hairy fairy

Why do people not think be for they open their mouths. 

My sister yesterday said to me " its strange coz i now if i had unprotected sex just once I'd be pregers"."I'm too fertile i am" and " if i could give you my fertility i would.


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## livinginhope

Fed up with being fed up!!!


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## sarahstewart

Me too!!! I can't pretend to be happy any more just wanna curl up in bed and not see anyone.

Hairy Fairy - I know what you mean....all my mates say stupid things like that it makes me so


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## b3ndy

to everyone feeling  ....we mustn't let the old b**ch of a   get the better of us girls - we WILL all GET THERE!!!


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## binty

My dh saying that I'm being selfish as he thinks I only want to   when its   time and that I dodn't pay any attention to what he wants and he feels that he is being used like a   bank


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## emilycaitlin

My dh says exactly the same!!

The mood swings side effect on 50mg (1st cycle) are really taking effect today, dh can't do anything right bless him, I just feel so angry and like I want to cry, and I really have no idea why!!!!


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## flowerpot

My cyst is probably growing, its giving me pain and vomiting. I dont know if clomid is making it worse. my next scan isnt till end of july to check on the cyst

I feel like [email protected] and constantly feel like crying or like Sarah hiding under the duvet and not talking to anyone :-(


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## KerryB

that all these wonderful ladies are having such a [email protected] time of it at the moment. You're all too lovely to be going through something as horrid as IF.

xxxxxxx


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## ♥Saila♥

does anyone suffer from panic attacks i think i had one today


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## Rosie P

Listened to a programme on Radio 4 yesterday about miscarriage and it brought all the feelings I thought I'd dealt with right back.   I've been very upset and low since and can't seem to pick myself up. Also I think I have a bit of PMT so think AF is on the way.


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## Juniper

My friend's husband is dying. He needs a heart and lung transplant. She is 32 weeks pregnant with IVF twins and they have a little girl of 3.

Feel so 

 for them. Makes me feel a bit more detached about my own problems though.

               
for James to get well and see his new babies.


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## flowerpot

Lots of positive vibes to James, certainly helps put things into perspective


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## Juniper

Thanks Flowerpot
xx


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## KerryB

Thinking of your friend and James hun [br]Posted on: 23 June 2006, 15:26:29Having to witness a poor squirrel suffering today because my stupid boss caught it in a trap.

Not  at all.


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## Divadot

Sad that I'm on day 41 of clomid cycle and tummy enormous, bfn so had blood test (which I hate) but I'm afraid it's gonna be bfn.

Annoyed that other women have babies that they don't really want.

Upset that I did not meet dh until 4 years ago at 42.

[fly]very upset and hoping something comes of all this[/fly]

Divadot


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## KerryB

Divadot...just blown you some   

xx


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## flowerpot

Fed up because I feel so poo. can't stop coughing and it hurts   dh still hasnt got sorted with a job    I want to be at home curled up on the sofa instead of in [email protected]@dy work    I feel so run down, sore eyes, eczema flare up, exhausted and tearful


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## sarahstewart

Flower hun  what has happened re DH's job?  Sorry I can't keep up with the gossip @ the minute.  Hope you are OK.


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## everkat

Why can't I fall pg without having my body and mind taken over by hideous drugs. I want to be myself again!

              

and breathe ....


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## KerryB

My inconsiderate bosses just announced to me that they are going to be Grandparents again! People just don't think!

xxx


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## tracyb

Sending lots of       for Binty & Jo for testing tomorrow   

Love Tracy xx[br]Posted on: 30/06/06, 11:47Posted the last message on the wrong thread  

I have been ttc for 6 years tomorrow


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## flowerpot

I'm fed up because I feel ill all the time and dh still hasnt got a job, when will something good happen. Oh, and AF is due tomorrow. great eh!  

love to all xxxx


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## kathrynd

Mrs_H said:


> Very Angry Clomid cycle number 3 didnt work! mad as i didnt have any bloods to to see if i was ovulating !
> wanna cry as i know it's one step closer to IVF for me !
> 
> Saraxxx


Hi Sarah

Any news?, I have just started taking Clomid and I have pinned all mu hopes on getting preggers 1st time, I know I should not but it is difficult![br]: 10/08/06, 21:04Is anyone there?


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## flowerpot

Kathrynd, you might be better on the chat thread pinned at the top hun here's the link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,61907.0.html


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## bbmonster

i Want to shout coz my bloke dont understan what i go through each month and how clomid makes me feel.... he just gets the easy part


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## nikki1985

sad that this is supposed 2 be the easiest n most natural thing in the world n its not! i am so jelous of all these pregnant ppl i work in toys r us which really really doesnt help seriously thinkin of quitin grrrrr


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## flowerpot

I've got all the signs that AF is on her broomstick for a visit today


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## Mrs Nikki

Not slept very well and on nights tonight too - had something on my mind


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## flowerpot

you ok Nikki? 

AF got me on Saturday


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## oon1

this is a great idea 

 because one of my really good friends is pg for the first time and although im happy for her i just can't be around her at the minute

 because people keep asking when bb is going to have a little brother or sister and i want to yell i'm doing the best i can. If one more person says an only child is a lonely child i'll scream!

 when people say you have one you should be happy with that. It's all relative ...just because some one has a broken leg doesn't mean my broken arm hurts any less (really ranting now)

   because i feel like a basket case 90% of the time


whew


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## KerryB

The shower broke this morning, the postman shouted at me and made me cry and now DH's job might be on line...all in one day!

xx


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## flowerpot

kerry xxx


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## strawbs

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh                

waiting, everything takes so long

strawbs xx


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## Kissy Bear

Why is it that God gave us these bodies to have children and yet we can't!
We have to go through the monthly torture of AF and still no Baby!


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## KerryB

....  got me again today. Gutted. Only have one cycle left of Clomid. Not going to take it next cycle, going to wait until I've lost some weight then give it one last shot.

xxx


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## b3ndy

I wish my parents would grow up and stop acting like adolescent idiots - why the hell else are they still together after 36 years if they ALWAYS seem to be rowing! and drawing me into the middle  

also I want to    my brother for being an ungrateful so and so - too long and boring to go into why.

As they say - you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family!!


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## Suzie

sorry not really clomid related , well kind of i guess!

Today I have started back on my metformin and reductil after my op and feeling pants   
Doctor said i could have 6 months more clomid if i wanted it as i have lost so much weight but i have had way more than recommended already so declined  now feel rubbish 

xx


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## b3ndy

Aw Suzie - stay   ... when you say you;ve had way more of the   than recommended, do you mean more than 12 months worth? If so then I think you were right to go with your instinct (not taking your doc up on the offer) coz I would be a bit worried about doing that. 
As for the reductil and metformin - hang in there - it WILL be worth it in the end!! PROMISE!!

Good luck

S
xx


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## Suzie

thanks b3ndy just feeling a bit sorry for myself! I have had way more than 12 months worth! 

another day tomorrow 

xx


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## KerryB

Suzie...can you take reductil and Met together then? I was under the impression you can't.


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## Suzie

You sure can hun i have been on it since January but had to stop the reductil in june to wait for my gallbladder op 

Have only put on 2lb over the summer so happy with that hasnt havent been able to do anything, here's to my next 5 stone 

xx


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## b3ndy

onwards and upwards as they say - good luck

S
xx


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## flowerpot

sick of hearing things on the news regarding babies and pregnancies.  latest thing is that teenagers are smoking whilst pregnant so that the baby wont be very big and therefore easier to give birth.  why are these people alllowed to conceive yet me who would be a great mummy can't


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## b3ndy

Flower

I go back to work on Saturday after a blissful month off  .....back to shift work...back to working alongside some  people and back to a job I really couldn't give a **** about right now!!


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## sarahstewart

its   and its cold....I HATE THE WINTER!!!!!


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## flowerpot

this has been just the most awful year and I can't wait for it to end, nothing but bad news, deaths, other people getting pregnant, illness, redundancies....i could go on 

Roll on 2007!


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## flowerpot

.....nope, it gets worse instead.  SIL and BIL pregnant now    

Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse  

not only that, they tell us 2 days before AF is due when I feel so premenstrual i either want to scream or cry, I'm on my last month on clomid and now i'm going to have to sit and wait for 2 years for IVF which probably won't even work then.  Why me?  Why do I have to see my dh cry      IF stinks


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## KerryB

honey.....


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## b3ndy

Flower - you WILL get through this chick ....and we're all there for you along the way too!!


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## sammylou2

Aaah honey, why are people so insensitive sometimes, it wouldn't have taken much for them to sit back and think eh, their news would have always been difficult to tell  but they could have at least waited  

It hurt like mad when my BIL phoned to tell us that they gotten a BFP and she had only missed her AF by a few days, they then went on to have their 2nd healthy little girl   life can be soooo cruel eh (he's a crap dad too, always at snooker or the pub   )

Keep your chin up chick, sending you loads of     and hope you feel better soon

Sam xx


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## KerryB

Feeling   ....

Fed up with feeling ill all the time, [email protected]@dy cold....

Fed up with being childless....

Fed up with work....

Moan over!

xxxx


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## janie77

kerry


----------



## flowerpot

kerry  love ya lots xxxx


----------



## kelway

this is a good thfeeread, here is my entry:
gutted that i left ttc No. 2 until is was 40 (should have tried when 39 as still felt fertile).
green  eyed monster constantly makes me feel like sh*t when i see OLDER looking women pg or with newborns EVERYWHERE where i live with second child in toe.
envious that my bf same age is pg and before then got pg every three months (kept losing them but was clearly fertile), now successfully pg with No. 2 (she deserves it, just envious as want it too).
feel like sh*t taking these pills and only on first cycle pill No. 4 due to take in about two hours (joy) and doubt i will get a bfp as i am old and washed up and my eggs are out of date but kidding myself and take them anyway.
pi**ed off that on thursday i have to go to the stinking vile local hospital ANTE NATAL DEPARTMENT for my cd11 scan despite the fact that i am paying for treatment at the local private hospital, i really need that plus it is the same hospital ante natal department where i lost my first baby (which i still often think about and feel upset about).
there moan over, thanks for listening.
jo


----------



## kelway

ps: i just shrunk my favourite second hand vintage tank top that i loved and now too small to wear plus i broke my favourite pasta bowl that had sentimental attachments, things generally come in threes so i wonder what else i am going to ruin; i think i may have a cough coming and i have asthma so a cough is bl**dy awful (only had asthma the last ten years so i can remember a cough before i had asthma).
moan over for the time being. jo


----------



## vicster

This is a great idea.  Here goes.........

the fact that they won't investigate miscarriages until I have 3 - I tried to convince my consultant and a few gps but they woudn't budge.
   We have 5 friends who are about to give birth
 My first baby would have been due this week
I seem to be always ill, or hormonal

Phew, that's enough for now.


----------



## Helenb33

My whinge was going to be that I'm fed up of signing all my Christmas cards every year from 'helen and pete' when it should be from helen and pete and our children.  In fact I haven't even done them yet this year, keep putting it off.

But is sounds as though other folk here are having a much worse time, so Kelway and Vicster I send you big cyberhugs. I've fallen foul of the 'you've only had two miscarriages, so we won't investigate' and also the having to have scans in the antenatal clinic where I found out that I'd lost both my pregnancies, so although I'm not you and not having the same traumas that you are, I really can sympathise.

Wishing you both love, luck and babydust

Helen x


----------



## sarahstewart

Helen whatever makes you feel   and   hun...I know what you mean I put my cats on my cards and I know my friends and family feel I am a really stupid desperate person  

 to everyone feeling


----------



## sootycat

I do the same with my Xmas cards - put my cat's name on!!! I don't care if people think I am mad, he is my baby especially as the sicky, pooey, crying version seems so illusive!

Hugs to all thoses FF'ers who are feeling blue.


----------



## Soozi

I wanted to shout and moan about Clomid, hormones, millions of pregnant friends, etc.  But reading a few of your posts just made me cry though feel comforted that I am not the only person feeling these grumpy, resentful feelings.  Thanks guys.


----------



## Neave1976

Hi Nothing like jumping on the bandwaggon;

- I am angry cos I have never fallen pregnant ever - and I am so worried I never will
- My periods are regular - why why why - do I have these problems
- Been on Clomid since summer and nothing!!! They are 50mg - and I dont have any syptoms - I dont feel anything when I take them!!! So I think they aint working
- My 1st consultantion in Edinburgh is in Feb 07. - And DH and I have to go through all the tests again _ ie semen sample, blood tests, laporoscopy etc etc
- I am so hacked off with it all - have almost resigned myself to the fact I will never have a child!!!


----------



## Seaqueen

As a regular viewer but an irregular poster, I hope no one minds me letting off a little!  It's a bit of a me me me post I am afraid!
The last year has seen 6 of my friends give birth to beautiful babies - 5 have these have been in the last 6 weeks!  I am so so pleased for them all - especially 2 of them who are extra special IVF babies, - of the remaining 4, 3 were unplanned & one planned.  Another friend who is younger than me has now just announced her pregnancy  - although they have been trying for 2 months - they did not expect it to happen quite so easily!  My closest friends know our situation but I really feels that no one really understands it or, if they do, they are just very insensitive!

I have been on clomid for 5 months now and we have been trying for a family for a little over a year (I know that this is a short period of time compared to lots of you). DH and I got our hopes up for a lovely Christmas surprise  - CD 27 was Christmas day - we got a BFN!  My Cycle, on clomid is always 31 days but AF arrived on boxing day - CD 28 - due to clomid we use ovulation pee sticks and these show ovulation was to begin 12 - 36 hours from 15th December - it just seems that AF arrived to early - she should not have got me until at least Friday - does 11 days from ovulation to AF not a little to short?  Can Clomid shorten your luteal phase? Is it normal for clomid to play around with your cycle like this?  

Sorry to whinge - I know that so many people are worse off than me - its just got to me today!

I hope you are all well - take care


----------



## kelway

hi everyone - scatterbrains in particular, afternoon, read your thread, darn clomid....i have taken my first month and do not like it; been reading on the internet other chat room conversations and have been on a downer as one lady wrote that she had been told by her gyni that clomid is no good for older women (i am older) blah blah, she also said that he said clomid can make conception worse for women who take it but are already ovulating...........i had had alot of lower back ache plus right and left side discomfort (rather than pain) and put this down to fiddling with my overaries which is what clomid does. do not feel hopeful. honestly, like you i drive myself crazy thinking about clomid this and clomid that. re your luteal phase question, no idea!! sorry, one that i ask myself, personally i think that 11 days is certainly NOT too short for a luteal phase, i too have the same worry - i have no idea if i ov'd this month and if i did, when or if i actually released a half decent egg. i too have been worrying if i ov'd later, my cycles are only 24/25 these days and thus, my luteal phase wouldn't be long enough. having spent lots of time on the net re clomid, i do not recall reading of many women who post who take it and who actuallyl DO go on to get pg, most who post seem to not get pg, i don't want to take it for long as makes you feel like sh*t. i will try another couple of cycles and then give up apart from acupuncture. you are still young so you at least have age on your side. as we speak my dh has taken my dd of nearly 4 to a party, i have not gone as cannot face all the other girls there who have got new babies (No. 2), all younger than me and most have had recently their No.s II and i have been taken over by the green eyed monster so instead will watch an episode of cash in the attic on tv as i have the house to myself!! much more fun. taking clomid does make you worry if like me you are predisposed to worrying with questions like did i ov, when did i ov, did i ov a large enoug egg, was the outer casing too hard due to my age, will my luteal phase be long enough, blah blah, drive yourself NUTS. all the best and best of luck. jox


----------



## Helenb33

Hi 
Scatterbrains, sorry to hear you are feeling so blue. Me too, although I don't suppose that is any comfort !
Clomid has lengthened my 28 - 29 day cycle to 34 days, so I tested (BFN) on Boxing day. Lovely.  I'm a bit worried about having a short luteal phase too, as I had a postive OPK on day 20, meaning ovulation on day 21 or 22. I'll post a query on 'ask a nurse' and let you know if there is a helpful answer.
Here's hoping that 2007 is our year ! take care
Helen x


----------



## Seaqueen

Good morning Kelway & Helen, and a happy and lucky new year to you and everyone at FF.  
Thank you so much for your kind responses.  How are you both feeling now?  This clomid is a funny old thing - I'm now on month 6 and have another 3 months worth to take - I'm hoping that the madness will be worth it for everyone!  
After my last post I read a book that I picked up months ago  - I think its called fit for fertility and its by Michael Dooley - It did not really give me too much new information but it did advise that while trying to conceive we should not set monthly goals and that we should set longer term goals.  It may be worth a read - it made me feel a little more positive.
While on the Clomid chat, what tests do you have each month to check the clomid is working?  I have one blood test on CD 21 and this simply confirms if i have ovulated.  I have never had a scan - I have also never had tests to check the quality of the eggs that I produce - have either of you?
I am actually under the care of my gynae who has been amazing at sorting out my endo problems, he also referred my for the HSG and given me the clomid.  however, I do wonder if i should perhaps be seeing someone in the assisted conception unit instead?  I am also going to see my GP next week about being placed on the IVF waiting list - is it OK to simply go along and ask?
Helen, did you get an answer from the nurse?
Take care guys and I hope you are feeling better -lets hope that 2007 brings us all good news xxx


----------



## kelway

hi scatterbrains - re the scan, i doubt i would have got one on the nhs, the gyni i see i have to pay for so i would have paid for the scan only the nice gyni said he wanted me to have a scan to see if 'there was a cyst' so my private health covered this scan as 'investigative'. any further scans i will have to pay for. annoyingly, when i had the scan my gyni was away so i could not ask him a million questions i have as the other bloke was in a hurry and not very approachable. today i had my cd23 (should have been 21) blood test although if i did ov, i think it more on day 16/17 - the blood lady said cd23 should be ok but to be honest, with me it is not so much have i ov'd, more the condition of my eggs. i am due in a couple of days and can tell af is a coming, darn, i have the usual tummy cramps and from memory having been pg twice (i mc'd my first), this is definately an af. feel gutted but i never thought for a moment that i was pg, i expected af to come as do not think my knackered eggs can be helped (feeling negative, sorry). anyhoo. i have read of ALOT of women who have both endo AND pcos in their twenties/early to mid 30's getting pg with treatment quite quickly so i feel optimistic for you, so fingers crossed. as for me, i may give one pop at iui later in the year. had my acupuncture session today, thought i would give it a pop, have been going for a few months. will give clomid a few more months (2/3 more cycles) and then bin the rest. i have felt so low this christmas, sad and lothargic. sorry to be such a grouch. jox


----------



## Seaqueen

Sorry you are feeling so low Kelway. its a sickening feeling when you know AF is on the way - as much as we try not to get our hopes up - its hard not to feel a little glimmer of hope. 
Have you had tests to check the quality of your eggs?  Is this your first month on the clomid?
Did you have your scan before taking the clomid?  Too many questions, sorry!
I see my gynae privately thanks to DH health care plan & it does cover IF investigations however, I have not been offered any scans at all?  I am not due to see my specialist for another 3 months but DH is leaving his job soon and I will not be covered for this under his new plan.  I may bring the appointment forward and see if I can get the plan to pay for as much as I can!
Take care and I am so sorry that you are feeling so low, we are told that a positive frame of mind helps (and then they go and prescribe clomid!!)so chin up (if you can) and try to think positive thoughts- hopefully we will all get our dreams in the end xxx


----------



## kelway

hi again scatterbrains, i have not sought after having my egg quality checked as i pretty much know the answer to that one due to just having turned 42 and been trying pretty hard to conceive for nearly 2 years - what is the point as there is nothing they can do to turn around the aging egg quality, if there was i would go in a dash!! this is my first month on mother clomid and boy, been pretty low although could have been worse, could ALWAYS be worse. my tummy is so bloated i look as if i was 4 months pg, if only. i feel guilty feeling so desperate to have another baby as i am blessed with one already. i rememeber when i used to belong years ago to a different board when i had a mc there was this other girl on the ttc after loss board and she already had a child and would go on and on about how hard it was and it used to irritate me a bit as i used to think she couldn't possibly feel as desperate as me but i now know there is a real longing pain for another that exists in the world of secondary infertility which has surprised me. it is a sad thing when most women seem to get pg so easily they have no idea how hard it is for some women trying to have a baby. my best friend seems to have forgotten very quickly the pain of desperately wanting another baby, she was in a terrible state for nearly 2 years and has successfully got pg this time and is fine, around 16 weeks and actually moans about being pg, unbelievable, never known anyone so desperate for another child and SHE is moaning about being pg, funny old world. i had my scan on cd11, so not before i started taking clomid. i wish i could afford lots of scans although made me feel sad as other women there waiting for them as they were pg whilst i knew my womb was empty  but there is an excitement attached wondering if you have any follies and their size although to be honest, from my point of view it means bu**er all  as mine were a pretty good size and i am not pg (pretty sure i am not anyway). my private health covered me initially when it was exploratory stuff but i am no way covered for any actual treatment, not in connection with attempting to get me pg, what a shame! my friend just spent around £7000 on a failed ivf attempt last month, and she is not rich. she had her first baby with ivf first attempt and i suppose she was feeling optimistic. i do not know if she will fork out for another session. dh and i won't,not even tempted as doubt it would work and we need a new car!! sorry to ramble but i am so pleased i came across this site, it is really good to be able to talk to other women in the same position as on a daily basis, especially where i live (nappy valley), it seems all the women here reproduce like it was going out of fashion. best of luck for you this month, i would be really pleased for you if it was your month this month. jox


----------



## flowerpot

big hugs to everyone who needs them   xxxx


----------



## kelway

i do, i am just starting to come on


----------



## AngelMoon

I'm fed up cos bloody Clomid hasn't even made me ovulate let alone get me pregnant!! 

       

Ros
x


----------



## KerryB

Big   for you all, sounds like you need it.


----------



## kelway

hi angelmoon, just seen your thread, sorry about that - i too have just found out it is unlikely i ov'd on my last (first) clomid cycle, currently on my 2nd 50mg cycle and approaching mid cycle (yeah right) and wondering why i am bothering. felt physically like i had ov'd last month but it just goes to show. am going to see if i should go up a dosage, what about you?
jox


----------



## SarahPooh

This is going to sound really petty but I've got to get it off my chest.  My so called best friend who always said she never wanted children but 
after I was diagnosed with IF problems suddenly got pregnant on the first month of trying and is totally smug about it telling me I'm not pregnant because I'm too fat and unhealthy and i should try colonic irrigation(!) has just had her baby, and she lives about 100 miles from me so I posted her a present for him on Monday, about £45 worth of stuff from Baby Gap, and I haven't heard so much as a peep from her.  I sent it recorded delivery and I looked on the web this morning and it was delivered on Tuesday.  Is it just me or is it bad manners that she hasn't just phoned quickly or send a quick email?  I know people are busy with new babies but honestly.  She knows what I've been going through and that I've longed for a baby for years and I just feel aaaaaaargh .  She has made loads of new friends through her NCT group and I just feel like I'm not in the baby club so she's not interested any more.  Sorry I sound like such a bitter and twisted old b*tch but that's just how I feel at the moment.  Grrr.


----------



## flowerpot

Sarah, thats awful hun  I would feel exactly the same x


----------



## SarahPooh

Thanks flower    I really appreciate the .  you are such a sweetie.  I don't know what I'd do without the Clomid Girls xx


----------



## flowerpot




----------



## wouldloveababycat

Me too that is awful..   my sister in law is like that I spent about £50 on flowers for her 40th and it was 6 wks before she acknowledged them and that was only because I asked her if she had rec'd them .. I had put a huge bow all round their house and lots of balloons and it wasn't acknowledged at all .. it does make you cross ..I guess the only thing you can say in her favour is she is perhaps knackered and will get to acknowledging all their gifts at some point..but if it was me I would make the effort ..so can understand your frustration   Cat x


----------



## KerryB

SarahPooh...thats terrible. I wouldn never do that to a good friend! Hang tight, I'm sure she'll come round and thank you eventually.


----------



## kelway

hi sarah, i think she sounds like a stinker. very self absorbed. rude not to have thanked you. it is possible that having had a baby she is snowed under (not sticking up for her, just looking at it from another angle). you could always write her a note saying how you felt? if anything, just to make you feel better as you are making your feelings known - in the past i have tended to deal in such situations like this although alot of people wouldn't do that. when she said you were 'fat', were you being sensitive and responding in a defensive way, meaning, was it possible she was trying to be both kind and helpful or did she say it in a *****y way? i know some womens fertility can be affected by being over weight. it is hard to tell. sometimes i get really angry with people and it is justified, other times it is down to me being hormonal/over sensitive, etc. the thing that stinks, is that if i talk about secondary infertility emotional pain to anyone they always respond with alot of old bo**ocks and you can guarantee they already have 2 or more kids. most women see to knock them out at will and have absolutately no idea of the pain women suffering fertility problems go through. all the best, jox


----------



## SarahPooh

Aww, thank you ladies.  That has made me feel much better.  She could be snowed under but its unlikely because her husband earns so much money she hasn't worked since 6 months before they got married 3 and a half years ago and she had a home birth with a private midwife AND a private doula AND two NHS midwives!!    And since the birth her mother in law or her aunt has been there AND she's having a doula again once they go home.  Isn't it typical for someone with so much cash not to need expensive IVF when the rest of us have to pay for our babies? Blimey I really am ranting, sorry, I'll shut up now.  Feel ashamed, it's probably really just the green-eyed monster....


----------



## kelway

hi again sarah,  blimey, she does sound minted, having a doula et al, i would have loved on of those, i remember what i nightmare it was at the beginning when i had dd. she sounds therefore pretty spoilt to me and so self absorbed that she thinks of noone but herself so despite hurting you i bet it was not intentional. perhaps if you bought it to her attention it may teach her a thing or two about the real world my af is coming much to my deep disappointment but then again, do i expect anything but? no. have a good weekend and remember, life has a habit of bringing all sorts of surprises!!
jox


----------



## SarahPooh

thanks Jo... I might mention it if she doesn't get in touch in a few days, she can be pretty stroppy though... I hope your AF isn't too bad, sorry to hear she's on her way    Have a good weekend 

love Sarah x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Yes I agree she does sound totally spoilt .. it depends how much you value your friendship.. cos like I did this week I told a friend that something she said had upset me and she gave me another textful and hasn't spoken to me since .. I ended up texting her to apologise then as thought this is crazy falling out over a text ..but she hasn't replied so sometimes I think it is better to bite your tongue!


----------



## SarahPooh

Aww, Cat... hope she soon comes to her senses and gets back to you.  I think I will keep schtum for the moment, I hate falling out with people.  Take care and have a good weekend... 

Sarah x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks Sarah ..you too .. I know that I regret even responding to her text criticising me ..I should have just deleted it ... punched a cushion and got over it but as you know on Clomid it seems to make you so sensitive I was crying my eyes out and responded to her..some people just don't seem to be able to put themselves in your shoes.

Cat x


----------



## SarahPooh

Aww, you poor thing!  that's really sad to think of you crying      I know what you mean, most people I find can't understand what it's like longing for a baby and not having one.  But that's what so brilliant about this site - and we're all your friends too!  xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Yeah its great to have the support of so many wonderful people on here  ..it makes me    thinking of what I would have done without you guys (I have cried more this week than in years !! but I am sure it is just cos on clomid and so tired and next week I might feel completely different and far more positive and happy!         ) 

And I hope I can support others and not have too many of these 'me me me posts' Cat x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Just had a text from the friend who fell out with me this week ..she said she feels like she is walking on eggshells..she wants to try walking in my shoes this week..grrr I would have thought she would have been more understanding as she tried for several years to conceive before falling pregnant ..but no! 

Has anyone else experienced this ..all my other friends have been great and have said it is not surprising I am feeling a bit low and vulnerable I am normally quite bubbly..I think I might have to keep my distance from her as it stresses me out..just worrying about how I am acting ..if I am quiet she has a go.. and gets on my case. 

Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi cat, my method is to go in for the kill and break off all ties with anyone who causes me grief. i did this specifically when a friend of mine who i used to be reasonably close with until she got pg with No.2 quite quickly (after about 4 months, i have been trying for 2 years). she drove me mad with her insensitivities (too many to list) and just didn't get that i didn't want to be around her despite me telling her how hard it was, i told her exactly. so i didn't see her or speak to her for about 7 or more of her months pg and since she has had her baby. seems that whenever i have contact with her i get upset. in my mind i drifted from her long before she got pg but i prefer not to be around her. i told her quite openly that i have to deal with my emotions over anyone elses and cannot put other peoples feelings before my own however selfish that may seem. voila. i haven't missed her at all. she had the cheek to ask me on the phone the other day if it was becuase of her baby that i didn't invite her to my dd's 4th birthday  party - can you believe the cheek. don't know how she found out about it. i felt like i was having my wrists slapped, really pi**ed me off, i don't answer to anyone as to who i ask - i told her it was because of the baby, she said i should have asked her dd to come with her dh, yeah right, like i was going to say on the invite to come but not her or her baby. i can't stand her dh and i have never really liked her dd as she has always been over endulged and always has tantrums as a result, the party for my dd was great without her, that has left a bad taste in my mouth. sorry to go on, majorly pmt'd. to summarise, i break all ties with anyone who causes me grief. plenty of people are understanding and don't bring me down, something to think about? xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Hi Kelway thanks for the advice ..that's what I found really wierd as I ended up apologising because she had been insensitive .. I could hear a counsellor that I went to a while ago ..telling me and why are you apologising you have the right to have feelings and the right to have your own emotions that may not be the 'normal' happy ones all the time .. she was really great and I still pop and see her every now and then as I do some work to help them out as they rely on charitable donations, I might pop and see her as she is great at getting my head straight and clear..I didn't feel too bad on the lower dose of clomid but if the start of my cycle will be like this I think I will hibernate from everyone but my closest friends and just have 'me' time.  It is bad enough getting a bfn ..a period from hell and the ups and downs of the emotions the clomid gives you and the 2-3hrs sleep a night.. without worrying about how your friends will react to you 'not being your normal self' .. right off to take last dose of clomid for this cycle yipeee     
Thanks to everyone for getting me through this week !   

Good luck to everyone ... may you all have light AF's if you have to have one and BFP's all round !! 

            

Cat x


----------



## rizzo

Hello you lovely lot!  

Been reading a lot latelybut haven't posted, but friends being insensitive seems quite topical at the moment. I have two friends who are ttc - one already has a little boy (she caught first time) and the other is trying for the first time. They think that they are in the same boat as me and are sharing stories, as if we are all going through the same thing!!!! They've only been trying for two months, not two ******* years!!! The one who has a baby texted me and said "I think I could do with some of those tablets you're on as we're not pregnant yet" - ha ha....

I know they're only trying to be supportive but, as we know, no-one can understand til they've been through this crap. Not had a very good week this week, don't know why. Prob because I'm on I've been feeling quite positive but then my (.)(.) started hurting and I know it's coming next week. I'm a secondary school teacher and started a new job in September - the bloody kids are always asking "How old are you, miss?", "Have you got any kids yet, miss?", "Don't you want children then, miss?". They're not being nasty but if only they knew, eh? But it makes me feel really   as well as upset.

Thanks for listening - it's the only place you are truly allowed to feel sorry for yourself without feeling guilty for moaning!!!   Feel better now. Have a great weekend


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Hi Rizzo ..second time lucky my first response disappeared as I got to the end of it grrr ! 

Sorry you have had a bad week  ...the 2ww is hard as you analyse every feeling wondering if it is AF coming or a BFP..I really really hope it is the latter for you hun.  Angelmoon had AF feelings as well but got a BFP..so don't lose hope hun x 

Friends can be very insensitive ..treating you as if it is the easy way of having kids ..a simple solution ..if only they had to walk in our shoes for a while they would realise that it isn't ..but we are strong and will get through it ..with a little help from each other  

The woman I supervise had her baby last night by emergency c-section a month early ..she is healthy although a little small, as her husband is 6'9 I think she is probably quite grateful she was born healthy and SMALL as she is tiny herself..and it is great to see everything has turned out well for her as I went with her to her first scan when she was pregnant before and they told her that her baby had died ..so that was very very sad.  But glad they have had a happy ending. 

It must be difficult for you with the children asking lots of questions ..kids are naturally curious and of course they wouldn't want to upset you but it doesn't make it any easier for you .. when I first found out I might not be able to have children I had to stop working with children as it upset me too much ..but now I have gone back to working with children but not so closely. 

Anyway hun ..big   and lots of    
and positive thoughts for a BFP for you xxx Cat


----------



## kelway

hi rizzo, just a quick note to say hi and i feel for you. i do have a dd but have been trying unsuccessfully for another for two years and even though the pain i admit is different to yours, it is really hard as i get sucked into the secondary infertility thing - i am 42 and time is running out if it hasn't already. you are still young so you have a good chance, i didn't have mert until i was 38. i too can feel af coming, no doubt at all just hope that it doesn't, but it is taking its time which rubs your nose into it. tonight i am going out rocking to try and distract me - every time i go to the loo i have a feeling of dread as i look down for signs of the dreaded blood, i so know how you feel. i remember trying for my first (i had a mc fist time) but i can remember that feeling of it will never happen. i have other so called friends, one in particular, who started ttc her second when i had been trying for nearly 2 years and she got pg within a few months and she kept saying she knew how i felt, i told her EXACTLY how i felt which she didn't like, i told her i didn't want to be around her and haven't been since which suits me down to the ground really. try and have a good weekend, joxx


----------



## flowerpot

I'm fuming about British Gas hiking our gas bill upto the £140 mark per month from £66 per month.  How they get away with it is beyond me, cheeky buggers   good job I'm not elderly living on my own, I'd never afford it


----------



## wouldloveababycat

My gas/elec co. wanted to do that and said they were automatically doing it ..I phoned them up to say NO they couldn't as there was no proof that I needed it that high and I thought I would rather it stayed in my bank account than theirs..and I am still in credit at my old rate ..so cheeky devils were just trying it on..you imagine how much interest they can make on all the amounts overpaid.. sock it to them hun !!   Cat x


----------



## rizzo

Jo and Cat
Few days late but I've been out of action for a few days, feeling poorly and very sorry for myself!   Thanks for the support and   but I'm afraid, yet again, I'm disappointed! Don't even bother wasting the money on tests anymore - haven't done one for 18 months!!! God, is it that long ago? Went a bit over the top when we first started trying and tested every month, as you do when you think it's going to be easy......

Never mind, a new cycle and another chance. 3 months of clomid left - come on!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love rizzo
xx


----------



## kelway

hi rizzo, i know what you mean about testing, i too used to test but haven't even been tempted to for ages as never feel at all pg. best way is not have one in the house as if i do i use it. they aren't exactly cheap either. if i am not pg for me the worst way of finding out is sitting alone in the bathroom holding a test stick, i prefer to come on and find out that way as it seems less painful as you have not created that adrenaline rush that you get when doing a test. never mind, always another clomid try. as we speak i am about to take pill No. 3 from a third batch attempt! joxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhhh bless you both ... sending you a big   I can understand what you mean ..even doing ov tests all the time drives me crazy..but not the same as that negative pregnancy test feeling.  I am sending you lots of  
        
and  
                       
Hope this is the cycle for both of you x Cat


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Found out my Dad is messing about with another woman again !!   stress I just don't need at the moment !!  trying to be supportive to my Mum   without getting too involved and stressed   ...last time it happened I ended up having a go at the tart of a woman   he was seeing she was a real rough old bird!! well not actually that old ..not much older than me 

Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi cat, that is bloody awful i'm really sorry, not sure what to say really just that i am sorry that you have to deal with that crap too; i hope your ma is ok? jox


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Well I had to act like nothing was different with my Dad as my Mum didn't want him to know that I knew about him messing about again until she had decided what to do ... so quite bizarre going round there.. its horrible to feel like you have lost so much respect for someone so close to you. He has spent over £1000 on this woman in the past 2-4wks ..and like my Mum said ..I could have done with that at the moment to replace the car I had stolen..and countless other things ..but have never asked for money from my Dad and not about to start now..the thing is he owes my Mum stacks of money too ..as she has bailed him out so many times .. I am determined that it is not going to stress me out though.. as he seems to always time it for the crucial time for conceiving ..so got to get used to it ..and think of myself. Not easy when my Mum phones me at work for an hr crying sometimes ..last time she even told me she had nothing to live for    ..which really upset me ..but she seems stronger this time .. so fingers crossed she will get the strength to make a decision to boot him out ..or divorce him .. how many times can you put up with them cheating on you...lying all the time ... getting into constant debt .. I used to wish they would split up when we were kids ..cos it was constant arguing and the baliffs coming round because of my Dad's poor business skills ! the tax office laugh as they say every single period he has paid a fine since they brought the fines in .. good that they can rely on him !  anyway its good to be able to rant on here and know that it doesn't affect anyone .. as don't always feel I can do it with my friends as they think that I should not be thinking about it at all which is easier said than done when playing a supporting role to my Mum.. 
anyway thanks for listening to me rant   .. off to drink peppermint tea for my huge barrage balloon stomach .. Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi cat, sorry to read your recent installment - not sure what to say really as he is your dad and so i don't want to be rude but if he wasn't your dad i would say what a total bast**d, sorry, but your mum, i really hope she is going through a strong patch and finds the strength to start afresh without him, be really tough at first but surely if he has put her through all of this, her outcome without him should be so much easier and eventually happier plus she has your love too! my best friend is in a relationship that is awful but she loves him and puts up with it, i can understand that, always easier if standing outside to say leave them but it can't be easy. you have to think about you first and foremost!! lots of love joxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks Jo.. I wish she would leave him, after last time her sister gave her a talking to and said she has got to stop being a victim   and believe me both me and my two brothers have called him worse names than B***ard  .. we suspected years ago that he was playing away from home when my Mum had breast cancer   , it is really horrible but I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore .. don't get me wrong my Mum is no saint  ..but she def doesn't deserve what he has put her through. I think she is scared that she will have to leave her home and she won't get any money back off him if she just boots him out ..I would have cut my losses by now! for my own self respect, you can't keep being used and abused.. she can never trust where he is.. he went with this druggy girl to the Dr's every day last week as well as giving her what turns out to be 2k in 4wks..he never goes with my Mum to her Dr's app.. I just couldn't put up with it ..we can't work out what she has over my Dad this girl ..as she sounds like a real rough old bird.. and works as a prostitute..what can he see in her apart from sex ... it makes my skin crawl!   he blames my Mum cos after he admitted to it a few years ago my Mum has refused to sleep with him ..can you blame her..god knows what he could have! He even had my Mum pay for his Dad's funeral ..and he just spends his money on this tart.. I had better stop talking about it ..cos it is doing my head in now .. at the end of the day I can't do anything about it ..only my Mum can kick him out ..and so I have to learn to ignore it.. and build a wall so it doesn't stress me out.. I have a thumping headache tonight   and I am sure that is why.. never mind early night might do me good.. off to make a nice hot milky drink.  Thanks for the support   ..it means a lot that you let me have my rant ..especially on this clomid stuff cos it makes you so emotional all the time!   Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi again cat, i'm still up, dh made me sit and watch a docu' on dvd about iron maiden! quite good actually. what about a nice hot cup of coco? i am about to have a *** in the garden and then a nice hot cup of tea. can help to chill one out. the first two cycles of clomid i would 'do it' all the time however this being my 3rd i am alot lazier, i am on cd9 and only just did it last night and i have to say it was awful. i am so off sex right now and it felt just awful, then i felt so terrible aftern; guilty that i had hurt dh's feelings as he looked really sad afterwards as i felt it was so awful that i just was so obviously not into it. i do have what i suppose you would call a sexual problem in that i can take it or leave it but when you are ttc you have to do it so often. i spoke to dh about how guilty i felt and it turned out it was in my imagination that he felt upset although he did say that he is used to me not being very bothered about sex. whenever you read an agony aunts reponse to someone saying they are not bothered about sex it drives me MAD how they say that you are not doing it right or this or that - why quite simply is it not normal if one can't be bothered with sex? why do we have to like it? i don't not like it but i am not bothered about it, actually, most of my friends seem to feel pretty similar. blimey, talk about hormonal, don't know where any of that came from, sorry. 
how is your mum now? i hope she is in the clear?
joxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Hi Jo..it def does you good to be able to let off steam on here, I seem to have developed insommnia again .. I have been awake for ages thinking it must be nearly time to get up and it is 3.43am!! these drugs do wierd things to you..I think they make you far more sensitive to people's reactions than you would normally be ..so perhaps that is why you thought he looked sad .. perhaps he was just knackered ! lol I am a firm believer that everyone is different in the bedroom dept and I really don't think you should feel bad about not feeling inclined to get at it all the time .. ttc makes it feel so clinical I think anyway..and the 'lovemaking' side of it can go out of the window..and it ends up more like a process! anyway hun   ...lets hope we get a   this time .. give us something lovely to think about ! Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi cat, i have had insomnia when i briefly tried agnus castus, really awful, lying there wired and totally unable to sleep, needless to say they ended up in the bin! lots of love joxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Funny you should say that as I did too on that ... really odd feeling though that was..I got a similar feeling when I tried some of those Nytol things a couple of years ago and my Dr told me not to touch them as they are like 'dirty' sleeping pills he told me !! so not touched them since..now I get to sleep reasonably well but just wake up in the middle of the night as if it is morning.. and then by the time I should get up I want to go to sleep... never mind it is worth it if get a BFP eventually! Cat x


----------



## max_8579

ive got three friends that are pregnant,why not me.i want to scream and cry,its getting me down.


----------



## Rosie P

Max, sending you lots of    

You're right, life does seem so unfair sometimes.

Rosie. xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Max...sorry to hear you are feeling down hun..   sending you lots of          
for your next cycle. Cat x


----------



## kelway

hi max, sorry you are feeling so down, this may cheer you up? but despite it is great and important that you are working on losing weight to help enhance your chances of getting pg, i recently saw a women who was to say extremely over weight is an understatement and she was cradling a newborn. i know she may have put alot of weight on in pregnancy but the size that she was she must have been very very over weight beforehand point being that at a guess she got pregnant despite being over weight (the child was hers as i overheard her say something like 'look at mummy' plus the child looked like her so it was not adopted, just trying to push some positive thoughts your way; you are still nice and young so you should still be optimistic even though it is tough! hugs n' all jox


----------



## rizzo

Hello again!

Been in a really good mood, just got back from lovely holiday and opened my emails......

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Another friend is pregnant - huge congratulations. She only got married in August and the baby's due in June. So now I feel crap, and crap that I don't feel happy for her, just dead jealous. But I sent a nice email back, as you do.

Why is it that when you feel good, something always comes up and bites you on the bum?!!! Ah well, onwards and upwards, as my mum would say!!


----------



## Rosie P

Hi Rizzo. Only a couple of months ago I was feeling exactly the same as you, this time about my cousin who got married in September and announced her pg in December. Well you know what grandparents are like going on about your cousin this and your cousin that, so I tried to avoid family as much as possible. Anyway, just wanted to say don't lose hope. I got a BFP this morning and was extremely shocked, after 7 cycles of Clomid that didn't work it looks like it finally might have.

I know it's hard but try your best to keep   and don't lose heart. Hopefully it'll be you soon!

Rosie. xxx


----------



## kelway

rosie - that is fantastic news, so pleased for you, well done!!!! 
rizzo - sorry about the strain of it all, it stinks doesn't it!! bugger all we can do either; eating is one thing - i have put so much weight on, tried on a dress and looked at myself in the store changing room mirror and nearly keeled over, i looked about 5 months pg, as if! jox


----------



## rizzo

Congratulations Rosie - that's great news. Hope the next nine months go smoothly. I'm dead happy for you.

Jo - I've just done a bit of shopping - try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror too much! I always look bloody miserable as well!!!! And there seemed to be hundreds of pregnant women on the loose!!! (Sorry Rosie, but I know you know how feel!!) You get used to it after a bit though, eh?

Anyway, I'm off out tonight - my brother-in-law is off to start his marines training on Monday so we're sending him off in style. And maybe I'll just get ****** and stuff ttc!!!!


----------



## AmyBxxx

I'm jumping in

cos I'm not even on Clomid yet.

5 years ttc - NOTHING (not even periods) have lost weight (2 stone, need to lose another 2 and a half) - have PCOS and am now waiting for a lap - hope to god nothing else is worng or they sort it out. 

dont really know what happens after LAP - specialist seems to want me to have IVF and hasnt even really discussed any other options. 

I am so fed up with it - 2 girls who sit next to me at work = Pg

2 best mates = pg

i cant cope with this any more. Its all i think about and it's ruining my life


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhh hun.. welcome and sorry to hear you are feeling so    it is hard ttc.. and especially when there seems to be lots of women around you pregnant.. you have to stay         hun..
at least after your lap they will know what is what and you can then build positively on that .. after you have had that when discussing the results I would go with lots of questions as to why they think it is IVF for you rather than other treatments.  

It is easy for anyone to say don't think about it all the time but it is hard when you want it so much..but I would concentrate on pampering yourself as the more relaxed you are the better position you will be in to conceive..whatever treatment they opt for. 

Sending you lots of        
and       

Cat x


----------



## kelway

oh smiling cyster, you seem really down, sorry about that. come on board and have a good moan here as it can help alleviate the blues a bit as you are not alone. there is always HOPE! all the best jox


----------



## AmyBxxx

Thank you Cat & Jo

I really appreciate it.
The thing is (ideally) I would concieve around Aug/Sept/Oct - and if I carry on losing 1.5lb a week I will be a BMI of 23 by the first week of August. So I know I am doing the right things myself etc. It doesnt help that I am the most impatient person on the planet. If there was just some guarentee that after losing weight, my periods would materialise and I could have a bash at concieving natrually then it wouldnt be so hard. As it is, I am losing weight, and even when I reach my target I still might need intervention, and we all know about waiting lists etc. 
At least if I have the lap done we can sort out any other problems (fingers crossed)

Anyway, I was feeling crappy cos have had flu all week...got up this morning feeling a bit better and have just done an hour and haf of exercise so feel even better! I know I need to stay positive - its the frightning fact that it might never happen that makes me freak out.

Thanks again girls, I dont know what I'd do without the internet and people who just understand without any explanation.

Love you all xxx


----------



## Rosie P

SmilingCyster, I'm like you and very inpatient. I had extremely irregular, long cycles before starting on Clomid and Metformin and was determined to lose weight to try and help my situation. I had my weight loss goals all worked out for the next few months and after losing only a stone I had a BFP yesterday and again today. I'm sure this helped, so don't give up, and focus on those lovely summer clothes you can treat yourself to and you never know what other nice surprise you may get along the way.  

Good luck hun.  

Rosie. xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Rosie ..glad you still got a BFP this morning   I am having hot flushes today and dizzy spells .. almost as if I need to eat but have eaten.. have stripped off down to summer clothes as soo hot!
Cat x


----------



## Rosie P

Cat, I hot today too. Just drying my hair upstairs and opened all the windows and it felt like summer!  

Hope your symptoms get better. 

Rosie. xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks Rosie .. I hope this week goes by quickly.. cos I know it is going to drive me mad..last week wasn't so bad but now it feels like ..so near ..yet so far away! We have had some great BFP's on here recently so you never know 
         

         

        

                

        

            

Maybe we can add a few more. Cat x


----------



## Rosie P

Let's hope us Clomid girls are on a roll!     

Good luck for testing this week.

Rosie. xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

thank you   Rosie.
Cat x


----------



## rizzo

Flippin heck, another friend's pregnant after only a few months of trying. How crap is this ttc business?!!!  

Also, had a scan this morning as well (day 15) and my follicles still hadn't burst and they were 21.5 and 24, I think. The fertility nurse didn't want to give me the HCG shot as she thought it best to carry on naturally as far as possible. The first month I had an overmature follicle so there was no chance, so I'm worried that will happen again this month and I'll be disappointed again. Am I worrying too much? I suppose the nurses know best but I feel as if I might be missing a chance and there's only two more clomid cycles left.

This is rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## vicster

Hey Rizzo..I know how you feel...

flippin' heck another friend of mine has just phoned me to tell me she's pregnant after only a few months of trying!!! She didn't acknowledge at all that I might find it difficult and she knows everything we've been through!  Some people!  I even told her yesterday that I couldn't talk as I was having bad clomid side effects! She's one of those people who has always had everything easy and I admit, I am dead jealous!!!!  I'll get used to it soon and start being happy for her.  This TTC is sooo painful and nasty and horrid!!

About your follies.  Minxy told me that usually doctors like the max healthy size of a follie to be 26mm.  However, mine have always got bigger than this and when I questionned the consultant, she told me that they were fine.  So, at the end of the day I spose we just have to trust them and if we really do not, get a second opinion.

I'm off to try and get myself into a more   frame of mind!

Sending you lots of  
Vicster
x


----------



## Lilyflower

HI this sounds like fun!!  Ere goes:

 that I've benn TTC for 4 yrs.
 That 2nd cycle clomid hasn't worked, done 3rd, waiting for AF
 that i'm always aunt or godmother, an honour but want my own!
 that i'm no further forward than 4 yr ago!!
 that the NHS sometimes sucks, although my current doc is fab!
That feels better, could go on but going 2 cuddle up in bed with DH  

Thanx 4 that!

LOL Lilyflower xxx


----------



## rizzo

Hi Vicster

Thanks for your support and advice - I don't feel too bad about my follies now! My DH said that they know what they're doing...I think you know so much about the whole process, compared to when you started, that you think you're an expert!! And sometimes I can't help but be less than hopeful. Have to keep reminding myself that 2 years is an acceptable amount of time for trying!! I haven't told that many people about our problems so my friend doesn't know, although I wanted to tell her!!

Lilyflower - sending you  . I'm with the NHS as well and when I talk to other people who've gone private, I feel as if they've been seen a lot quicker than me. But I'll be buggered if I'm paying when I pay my national insurance and tax every month. Rant, rant, rant!!!

Off to do some work now - boo


----------



## Lilyflower

Thanx Rizo

Rite back at ya  .  Well i ain't rich, so private ain't an option rite now. And i ain't gonna get in debt 4 it either!! like you said, we pay our taxes, let it be gratis!!   

Plus, when ya think about it, i am still a spring chicken, so really got plenty a time 2 keep bashing away (excuse the pun!) even if it does grind ya down and get a bit 2 much at times  

My DH is one-in-a-million, sooo patient and supportive, and he just so happens 2 love the bones ov me!! so got a lot 2 be thankful 4, tryin 2 think   as you may be able 2 tell! If i don't, i'll go   ha.

LOL Lily xxx


----------



## max_8579

Ive got 6pounds left to lose before my appointment with consultant on march 13th when shes supposed to be starting me on clomid again if ive lost the weight!
  Its really getting me down as it seems so far away,the 6pounds doesnt want to go.I will be gutted if she doesnt prescribe the clomid.She can see how well ive done though.xx


----------



## max_8579

Hi rizzo,i know how you feel,both my best friends are pregnant and they know how hard i find it,they just dont seem to care,its like theyve got no feelings.xx


----------



## flowerpot

Was a bit  yesterday. Another Mothers Day has passed me again, every year I think "maybe next year"


----------



## SarahPooh

I know what you mean Flower    Yesterday was the first mother's day for my best friend, my DH's 2 best friends (wives), and my two SILs.  I felt so left out.  But I just tried to concentrate on my lovely mum, bless her.  Maybe next year it will be our turn


----------



## susamwalker2002

I woke up tis morning and found my new fish had died  

He was a lovely fish, I'm so   he was expensive too!!


----------



## Viking Girl

Hi - this defo sounds like fun!!

My   for the day is that someone tried to stitch me up while I was off work last week and told my boss that I had come back from my holiday a day late i.e I had taken an extra days holiday!!  

Total lies and just done out of jealousy and because they see me as a threat!!!

Luckily I have a great boss who didn't believe a word of it, but still had to ask me as a matter of process..!!

Why are some people just SOOOOOOOOO horrid!!!

Karen x


----------



## SarahPooh

My DH has just been told they might take his driving licence away because his diabetes is not giving him symptoms when his blood sugar is low    I feel so sorry for him

I am worried about the HFEA forcing clinics only to put back one embryo per IVF cycle and that it will make my chances of ever having a baby even less

I think AF is on her way as I feel so down  

Sorry for whingeing but I thought this was a good place to do it.  I need a hug but I can't go out because I'm waiting for the [email protected]@dy gas man.  Again.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhh hun sorry you are feeling down  .. here is a virtual   ... and sending you some positive vibes                   
Cat x


----------



## Viking Girl

SarahPooh - with you there hun - having a pretty bad day myself. Small bleed again this morning (3 times this month - day 8, day 19 and today, day 25). Stopped again within the hour and don't have a clue what is happening!


----------



## sutty

morning girlys,

hello im new.  was surprised to find other people as fed up, angry, and frustrated as me.  just found out my first dose of clomid has not worked, doctor has increased my dose to 100mg now so fingers crossed, however i cant have positive thoughts about it anymore, not after so many disappointments...........anyone else feel the same??

its also frustrating coz my fiance wont let me talk to anyone about trying for this baby, and he (bein a bloke) just doesn't understand.........i so so need my mum!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Nix76

Missed the second day of our 3 day bms marathon (as instructed at scan).  Lost all my positive feelings now and just wanna sit and


----------



## Shooting star

Nix I was advised that every other day was best as it maximises sperm count or motility or both. So you may have done yourself a favour!    

SS


----------



## Nix76

DH got thrush, I'm bound to have it too.  Feeling really pis*ed off and convinced this cyle not worked.  ARRGHGHGHGHGHH !!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Have pm'd you hun x and blown a few more for luck x
Cat x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Northampton Saints Rugby team being relegated    and because of the world cup it will be for two years ..   I tried to get Saracens to score some bloomin points but they were rubbish and Worcester sealed our fate ..   

Cat x


----------



## Nix76

Day 29 and getting bad AF aches and pains - losing all positivity and hope.    It's so hard


----------



## emma81

Same for me. I took the day off work today as I just am soooo depressed and angry and can't stop crying. I've done 2 cycles of clomid now, both with no success - did them on alternate cycles. Been having mild period cramps for a week now and STUPIDLY kept telling myself 'maybe it's a pregnancy symptom' but deep down i know it's never gonna happen for me. I get SO angry with myself when i start getting my hopes up month after god damn month. Anyway, the cramps were bad last night and i just knew i was gonna start any second. I've now got one last round of clomid to take - another month of horrible side effect and what for - just another dissapointment. God - reading this I such a negative miserable person. Heard some other woman at work is pregnant yesterday - seems every other female on this planet is getting pregnant but me (I know there are others in the same situation and reading this site is comforting, but i still get so bitter when i hear yet someone else is pregnant). 
I'm beginning to ramble now but i really don't know where else to let out all my frustration. I even looked up psychic sites this morning - now i am getting desperate ha ha.     
PS I'm not usually such a miserable moo but god this is getting emotionally unbearable.


----------



## Rosie P

Emma, welcome to FF. Why not come and have a chat/ rant/ laugh and generally whatever you want on the Clomid Girls chat thread: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=92576.330

you would be very welcome and the girls are very friendly and supportive.

Rosie. xxx


----------



## emma81

thanks Rosie - that's very kind of you. I will have a look as soon as the nurofen takes away my period pains ha ha x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Feeling like everyone else is pregnant and not you .. feeling like the last six cycles have been a waste of time and energy and emotions because of a hospital error..and having the nasty witch arrive to seal it off. Think that will do for one day.. 
Cat x


----------



## cleg

the whole flipping thing  

xxx cleg xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Just found out one of my closest friends is pregnant after 2 months trying .. it made me feel like such a failure ..and I know I am going to find it really hard around her now as it just makes me want to cry !!
Cat


----------



## coughsweet

Someone coming up to me that I hadn't seen for about a year and saying

"Congratulations - I heard you had a baby!"

Well it's the first I'd heard of it - they'd got me mixed up with someone else -aaaarrrggghhhh!!

coughsweet x


----------



## cleg

A/F arriving   + here was me thinking i could of had a chance (stupid ey)


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Poor little Madeline is still missing just seeing her parents heartbreak is enough to make you cry ...wish all our thoughts could bring her back safe and well. 
Cat x


----------



## cleg

makes me sad to Cat to think the little one still out there away from her mum + dad  

xxx cleg xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Just finding out my Aunt has died ..far too young 
Cat


----------



## poppystar

TTC 4 years and getting old - feels like i have been poked and proded by doctors in every place possible.  

Outcome hormone imbalance, so wound up they couldnt come to that conclusion early on.

Just done first clomid, scan result "small follicles - 10mm" but no one explains anything!!!!

Fed up of getting hopes raised each month.  

Now having problems sleeping with the worry.  

Have had so many hospital appointments working round the clock to make up for it in the office and fed up with guys in the office talking about babies all the time.

Going to go and eat a tub of ice cream!

In short feeling v. sorry for myself.


----------



## Nix76

Where shall I start ?

AF is definitely arriving, so yet again not making it to test day.
Getting older each month and terrified that I will wake up soon and realise it's just too late.
Sick of solving of my friends "problems", but not one of them realising how bloody difficult this is. 
Fed up of the hospital appointments at the crack of dawn so as not to pi*s work off.
Sick of feeling like crap for the majority of the time and then just starting to feel normal again when the bloody witch shows up.
Bored of being miserable and frustrating and sick and tired of waiting constantly for something. 
Just getting so tired of it all and know that even after 6 years this is only the begining.

That'll do for now.


----------



## maj79

At Step Mothers who keep rubbing it in that her dd has gicen my father a grandughter and grandson, as it obvious that I'm not going to do it 
    BF ( even if u do love them to bits) for moaning all the time because she is 16 months pregnant, has never wanted kids, n doesn't want a bump because she will look fat. DON'T HAVE SEX WITHOUT CONTRECEPTION THEN.
    At not panicking if there is a water ban, because the amount i've cried I will flood the place


----------



## cleg

my life


----------



## Viking Girl

DH starting smoking again (after putting me through hell for 6 weeks!) just as we get our first consultant's appointment for IVF!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Everyone is getting on my nerves today


----------



## apparition

DH so upset that AF turned up that he argued with me all night over stupid stuff when I really need comforting. How do I get him to open up about how upset he is by TTC instead of taking out his frustration on me? 

I worry TTC is destroying our marriage 

Love to cleg, cat and all.

APPS


----------



## TLZ

Fed up with being disaapointed EVERY month
Doing everything humanly possible to make it happen and still it's BFN
It seems to be SO easy for everyone else
Fed up with thinking mean thoughts about preg ladies
Fed up with "advice" however well meant
Fed up with waiting ... waiting .... waiting ....

Feel like everyone is diving in for their slice of the "happiness cake" and by the time I get there it will be all gone .....

I want to find my happy face again x


----------



## angelus

I want to feel like me again.
I want to make love to my husband because i want to not because its the right time.
I want to see a newborn baby and not burst into tears.
I want to my husband to look at me without worry in his eyes.
I want to stop being obsessed by my temperature.
I want to hold our baby in my arms.
I want to be pleased not jealous when I see pregnant women.
But.... As my mum always said... " ' I wants' don't get "


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Think I must be getting PMT   as my friend has just sent me an e-mail saying that relaxing should come after sorting out my home, I only mentioned that I am looking forward to having some time off so I can have a mega blitz ..as in turfing out the loft etc, she works for herself part time so is home all week so has loads of time to do all her jobs, I said there are not enough hours in the evening/weekend and she said relaxation should come second ..grrrr feel like replying and saying if you felt as tired as I do maybe you would need a bit of relaxation time .. I work full time and don't get home until 6pm or later most nights so by the time I have cooked our tea ..and done a few jobs and spent a while on FF supporting my FF's it is time to go to bed ... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr if it was up to her I would go straight home make tea, sort out the loft, hoover everywhere .. clean the windows .. stuff that .. I do most of that at the weekend .. I am probably being completely irrational but just the way she flung it back to me .. she has no idea of the sheer overwhelming tiredness that often has me in bed at 7pm at night .. I don't know if that is the UA Thyroid or the Clomid but I could sleep for England ..and would not be able to function through the day if I didn't chill out a bit at night ... anyway rant over    
Cat x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

She has just sent me another one saying she is feeling fat, grumpy and tired she must have an underactive thyroid like me .. SOME PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO UPSET YOU DON'T THEY !!!!  
Cat x


----------



## Nix76

Cat - I am in a very dangerous mood today.  Give me her address and I'll go round and politely explain how much fun PCOS is (let alone your thyroid!) and exactly how that and the clomid makes you feel   

Nix.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ooh goody ..shall we go together     by the time I have babysat for my inconsiderate selfish SIL tonight..I will be even more ready for   she never offers me any tea despite the fact I go straight from work and am there until about 9.35 ..so I have started helping myself ..how rude is that eh !! I wouldn't dream of doing that if I had someone round to babysit I would be laying on a banquet for them ..food, drinks you name it .. 
Cat x


----------



## Nix76

I have come to the conclusion that some people are just odd and need a good battering  

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to help me out my babysitting and then not feeding them !!!!

Nix.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ha ha you have obviously never met my SIL  
Cat x


----------



## cleg

Nix76 said:


> I have come to the conclusion that some people are just odd and need a good battering


oooo couldnt agree more 

Cat s*d your friend hun


----------



## ElsBelle

Ranting?? I can do that...

I'm sick and tired (and that's not just from the Clomid) of being on this rollercoaster. Every month I get my hopes up and watch them go down the drain slowly. Every month my partner and I have bms and then nothing more until the time is right next month. Every month or so there is another one of my friends trying to break it to me gently that they are pregnant and me having to put their minds at ease that 'really, I'm ok with it and don't mind at all'. Every month I cry myself silly for a few days after af arrives and wonder, is this ever going to end in a bfp?

I need the courage to jump of this crazy ride at some point, but when?? How do you decide 'enough is enough' when the next time could be THE ONE?

Arrghhhh!

Rant over.


----------



## apparition

Hi all
Elsbelle I felt like that last month and have now taken a break after 2 horrible years - I haven't got off the ride but instead of being at the wheel DH and I are taking a back seat and waiting until we get our big appointment with a specialist.  After 3 months of clomid and lots of hoping the consultant kind of gave us the impression that it was just a drug given to all to cut waiting lists and this destroyed us. Maybe not the case for everyone but it seems that way for us.

So after a week where af turned up and my SIL, good friend and another close couple all gave birth and it was my goddaughters 1st birthday I gave up.  I was sick of life kicking *me* in the teeth. I have put hoping every month aside and trying daft things from pineapple juice to cough medicine.
I am concentrating on my thesis and buying my dream - a motorhome to get me away from a street full of babies and bumps - these are on all sides of me at the mo.

It has felt like a weight lifted off me - I feel less stressed. No more BMS - DH seems more relaxed and attractive and we end up  when we feel like it.

Maybe you need to take a break for a while - life itself is important too but I know how hard it is because I was addicted to TTC - every website, book, newspaper article I read.

But your heart and body need to take a rest sometimes. We are all here for you whatever journey you take. 
Apps


----------



## Quinn

Hello all, I am new to this site so wanted to say hi and tell you that reading this thread has really helped me so just wanted to let you all know. I have been ttc since March 2005 and have just started Clomid at 100mg. First cycle was a bfn. I took a break at Christmas to lose some weight and after losing 10lbs, I wanted to get started again. The hardest thing to cope with is the emotional rollercoaster I'm on but some of the postings on this thread have really summed up how I feel. Its ok to be down some days. I just hope I start to have some happy days soon! 

xx


----------



## kellixxx

hi quinn welcome to the clomd mayhem.lol


----------



## cazimir

I'm new here too but already plenty to get grumpy about

 got pregnant 2nd month of trying (aged 40) but had a missed miscarriage and a d and c a few months ago

 TEN of my close friends will have given birth between my d and c and what would have been my due date. they are all being great but it is SO HARD

 Everyone keeps saying you are more fertile after a d and c - not me apparently

 feel like i am running out of time

 found out wasn't ovulating (never had problem before d and c) so now on clomid (50mg) - day 3 and i feel sick all the time - is this normal or is it being caused by something else altogether?

 since i got pregnant i get crippling period type pains almost every moth...from day 16 for at least 2 weeks. It's making everything worse as it is so exhausting. No one can give me a reason for this

That will probably do for starters but I could go on...and on... Just feel like it will never happen


----------



## max_8579

Both my best friends are pregnant and due to give birth soon,they dont give a damn for my feelings,they keep texting me saying things ike im sorting the nursery out now,i feel like saying that must be nice.

Oh why cant it be me.Afriend said the other day you 2 are so happy its not fair that its not happening for you when youve got so much love to give and it would make you complete,bless her. 

Thehospital staff are so not understanding,they think you can wait around and its fine   

  Oh please let it happen for us,we want it so much.


----------



## TLZ

I wish all the people with children and pregnant people lived in one place and I lived in another .....

..... so sick and tired of smiling and nodding and pretending to be thrilled at little johnnies newest trick or artistic offering ..... hello! not bothered!!

..... fed up with giving prams right of way on the streets

Generally fed up with being a misery guts ALL the time, I want to be a mummy now!

Have tried pleading, bargaining, demanding, tantrums, sobbing, staying in bed, getting "out there", giving out good karma, acupuncture, reflexology, counselling, hypnotherapy, drugs, drugs, drugs, sex, no sex, pee sticks, charting, vitamins, voodoo juice, spells ....... you name it ...

It hurts so bad now, it's not fair

One last ditch effort at positivity (grr!) .... coming up!


----------



## Crazy Fi

Maybe I have to close the book
And say at least we tried
But why does such a painful thought
and I not see eye to eye...

Maybe I was just dreaming
that I'd hold my babe so close
feel her breath against my breast
And have what I yearn most

Maybe singing that sweet lullaby
while I brushed her skin to mine
was just a taunting yearning
not really Fi.. not this time

Maybe I'll have to accept 
the silent tear in my husbands eye
that I couldn't give him what he so deserves
why so cruel, why?

Maybe my heart thats weeping
needs to face that fates given enough
Two last tries unaided
then face its time to give it up
​
​


----------



## max_8579

Fi that is a really nice poem hun,ive got tears in my eyes now 

  Take care hun.xxx


----------



## Davis

WAITING, WAITING ALWAYS WAITING!


----------



## kellixxx

what a lovely poem fi you made my cry


----------



## linlou17

made me cry too!!

i am fed up of being let down each month!! i know my period is coming but always hope and pray that this month will be the month  

fed up that all around me people seem to sneeze and fall pregnant  

fed up that my feelings are completely ignored in baby discussions at work   or that I'm treated like a specail case   (its a no win situation sorry but its how i feel!)

fed up of being fed up!!!!


----------



## Crazy Fi

linlou17

Your not alone now


----------



## kellixxx

linlou17      hope you are ok.xx


----------



## linlou17

thank you crazy fi and kellie i feel so much better now ive discovered ff two years of feeling nobody understood me and now i have all yous to chat to and you all know just what i am going through.

all i have to worry about now is keeping the two of us on our new health routine!!!


----------



## Nix76

For once allowing myself to feel a tiny bit of hope only to come crashing down to earth with a massive thump with the bloody witch turns up early...AGAIN! 

Feeling like crap with bloated, painfull belly and back ache.

For crying on DH's shoulder yet again and seeing him look panicked so I try and buck myself up and pretend it's all OK and just one of those things..


----------



## Crazy Fi

Oh Nix, so sorry to hear that ... I really am   Its so bloody unfair isnt it hun... xx


----------



## max_8579

Sorry to hear that nix,hope your ok,well as ok as you can be hun.


----------



## Sharry

Read about so many BFP what have I done so wrong that it is not me


----------



## wouldloveababycat

It will be you one day hun and it will be all the more special for having to work so hard for it x 
Cat x


----------



## fallen angel

Not knowing why on earth Icant conceive!!!!!!!Had natural pregnancies before, I ovulate, I have good quality eggs, I am regular as clockwork, dh swimmers are absolutely fine, but it's still not happening! WHY WHY WHY
Oh, and so fed up of people who just dont understand telling me Im trying too hard!!! Relax and it will happen on its own.This usually coming from someone who has six kids already. All I can say to that is try telling someone in a wheelchair that theyre trying to walk too hard, relax and it will happen, not going to happen is it!


----------



## angelus

Fed up with it all.


----------



## Crazy Fi

Angelus xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhh sweetie   don't like to see you down..if you need to rant feel free to pm me hun x 

Cat x


----------



## coughsweet

This wretched fashion for smock tops that make every woman in the world look pregnant!    Am steering well clear of them with a belly like mine!! Like I don't get enough unwanted questioning as it is...

so much for   clothes shopping!!

coughsweet x


----------



## NuttyJo

i just want to cry! am on my first cycle of clomid and DH just doesnt seem to care. the last two times we've had sex have ended in him not 'finishing off' and then i get angry that it was a waste of time doing it as i need his sperm to make our baby! i really do wonder if he just doesnt want to have this baby that i am praying for? i dont pressure him to have sex so what else can make him not perform as well?!! hes also started drinking loads more again, i had asked him to cut down whilst we've been ttc but hes started drinking heavily again which also makes me mad. why should i be the only one who makes lifestyle changes and has a good diet etc when he cant be bothered. 

to top it all off my sister and my cousin are both pregnant together and we went clothes shopping and had to look at all the baby stuff and maternity things. i feel like im going crazy and just want to stay at home in bed and cry!  

god i feel so bitter and twisted today!


----------



## Rosie P

Hi Jo. Sending you big . It's very difficult trying to maintain any type of spontaneity when ttc and on Clomid and even though they don't tend to talk about it our OHs tend to feel the pressure when we don't even realise it. I had this with DH for quite a few of my cycles where he didn't want to have BMS as often as we needed to and he'd also forget to take supplements or drink too much, and the only think that got through to him was sitting him down and calmly explaining all the things I was putting my body through and side effects for this, and all I was asking him to do was a few small things. They do feel pressure to 'preform' though and tend not to be as open as us about how they are feeling.

Anyway, why not come and have a chat here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=103627.270 where you'll find loads of support form other ladies having similar issues each cycle on Clomid. We keep eachother sane!

Take care hun and good luck! 

Rosie. xxx


----------



## Crazy Fi

My heart is hurting so much as some one I dearly love is in great pain and I cant go near her due to circumstances, I know this isnt about ttc, but I just need to let it out somewhere, its kills me to not be able to be there


----------



## NuttyJo

just wanted to give you a big hug fi   we're all here for you xxx


----------



## linlou17

ah fi lots of love to you  

i have so much to cry/shout about today!!!

i have gone 47 days my longest cycle yet but test shows negative i cant get over it what is wrong with me? i could just about cope with not being pregnant if my cycle was regular but each time i go over i build my hopes up so much i was convinced i was pg this time.  i am also covered in a rash the doc thinks is viral - maybe cause of delayed period although never regular but never this long oh help me somebody i cannot go on like this for much longer its too much for me to cope with


----------



## Sharry

feeling sorry for myself again and dont know if I can do this any more


----------



## linlou17

i feel the same sharry its just too much some times i cant stop crying it takes me all month after af to feel ok and then it all starts again the waiting the wondering and the hoping i don't feel like i can carry on either but then i think if it happened it would just be so wonderful people always tell me not too stress or think about it but its all i can think of at the moment im driving myself mad


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Just one little miracle would be nice


----------



## NuttyJo

having a stupid body that doesnt work and having pregnancy symptoms such as sickyness, dizziness and sore boobs but still the tests show negative


----------



## sunshine100

Am I glad I came on here. Had similar problems with DH to the ones described above. We stopped at day 15 (day 18 DH couldn't finish off) and then I came home from work the following week to find he had been on the internet... and when I asked why he hadn't saved it for me he said "well you are past your fertile time!".... well NOOOO cos I have ended up having probable late ov this month despite the clomid.

I hate clomid, I hate it being difficult to get pregnant, I hate having to pretend to be ok..............


feel better for having got that out of my system!

x


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Just thought I'd join in!!

Am currently awaiting af and am about CD 30-I'm having sicky feelings, strange af type pains but NO SORE BOOBS and I always get them before af so am stuck in limbo!!! Waiting for af so can start 4th cycle of Clomid.  Anyway, off to doctor today to see if she will give me medication (can't remember what it's called!!) to bring on af.  Dh kept saying to me yesterday ' maybe you should get her to do a pg test just in case' and like I keep telling him theres no point as it will MOST DEFINATELY be a BFN!!!!!

I hate not being able to do what most women find easy-having a baby!!! I have a dear BF who only has to look at her DH and she's pregnant again!!  Her little boy was one yesterday and she's 7 mths pregnant!!!

I think the worst thing and DH has agreed with me is that no doctor has said that there is absolutely no chance of us conceiving naturally and so every month we have that little glimmer of hope!!

Sorry for the rant but feel a tad better now!! 

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Tbelle

I'd do the test to be on the safe side hun


----------



## linlou17

ah tinkerball you poor hun!! keep your chin up you may be better doing pg test just so that you know, doc will probably advise this too before he can give you anything.  i understand how you are feeling my cycle has always been irregular but this month i have gone a whole 56 days with no af (my previous longest was 43 days) pg shows negative doc says i have to re test this week and will refer back to hospital if result remains the same i am so scared to do test put it off yesterday but am going to buy one this afternoon i feel sick just thinking about it - if im not pg why does af not just come and put me outa my misery i keep hoping although i know its hopeless three tests all showed not pg so this one will be no different but dont seem to be geeting any help from anywhere i just dont think i can keep going through this month after month and i have been on pins now for 20 days its just not fair.  phew sorry about that i know i went on and on then its my test phobia coming to surface making my nervous.  all the best fingers are crossed for us all xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Don't know how to feel ..just feel like there is such emotion that needs to come out but its stuck inside .. my friend has told me that I should get over it and stop being negative and that I can't have expected it to work only having donor in once ( grrrr as if I don't know that already !!) .. I have told her she can't possibly know how I feel as she already has a little girl and is expecting her second.. I feel like I have to justify why I feel so shi*ty!! and she says I can't feel a failure well I do !!


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Thanks for all the advice my lovelies!!

Went to doc, and as predicted she wanted me to test so I did and guess what-BFN!! I knew this would be the case but DH had gotten his hopes up a bit.  Still not sure whether to start the norethsterone (spelling pants!) though as I keep hoping that maybe I tested too early but really think am clutching at straws...........

Tinkerbelle78 xx 

P.S Linlou, hope you got over your test phobia-how did it go!!?? x


----------



## Crazy Fi

Cat


----------



## NuttyJo

when i tell dh af arrived and he just sends a sad face via text    

i want to know its not my fault, that i dont have a stupid broken body and that he loves me no matter what. i want him to show me he cares and say the right things. i want him to feel how im feeling right now. i am empty. i want to give up. i cant do this anymore. im lost. confused. heartbroken.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhh hunny .. it will happen for you I am sure of it .. I am sure hubby feels sad too ..Men just find it more difficult to express themselves and it is a lot harder for them to understand what we go through.. 

 it is always hard when AF comes but it is the start of your next cycle that might just be the one that brings your dream      let yourself grieve for the cycle you have had ..but let fresh hope spring up for this cycle and the chance you have this time .. do things that you both enjoy and forget ttc for a couple of weeks as much as you can ..pamper yourselves ..cos it is hard this ttc and it sends you   (or is that just me   ) 

We are here for you hun ...and we feel your pain and know how hard it is to go on with it sometimes ..I firmly believe that sometimes it is a good idea to take a month out ..recharge the batteries and come back refreshed .. sending you lots of positive vibes hun                                        
Cat x


----------



## NuttyJo

awww cat, i had just stopped blubbing and that made me start again! happy tears though as i needed someone to say something nice to me. ty you so much hun, means so much having all you lovely ff ladies supporting me. im thinking the first month is probably the hardest when trying something new (this time clomid) and have just spoken to hubby about taking a month or so out to get our heads together and enjoying life for a while. its going to be hard in november as my sisters 2nd baby is due and so im thinking i might wait until christmas time to start again. least it will give us time to sort ourselves out and be emotionally prepared next time. i wouldnt be a very good aunty if im feeling like this when my little neice comes along! i am also laying down the law and banning all alcohol from the house and hes going to have to take some vitamins   why should i go through all this and he doesnt?!!     

and cat, it definitely sends me     so its not just you! 

love jo xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

sounds like a plan then hun .. it does take a lot out of you emotionally so the more upbeat and chilled out you are the better.. you can't stay away from us tho ..cos we would miss you  

Ahhh its reassuring to know I am not the only nutter on here     and as hard as it will be seeing your baby Niece ..you will also love her to bits   its good to get all the emotion out I think having a good blub is not a bad thing  
Cat x


----------



## NuttyJo

cat, you cant get rid of me that easily!  

am feeling a bit better now after crying my ration of tears for the month   

are you testing again today or tomorrow? fingers crossed for you if you are babe


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Well if AF doesn't arrive tomorrow I may well test on saturday


----------



## linlou17

tinkerbell how are you? i tested again and negative so back to hospital more tests i guess god why oh why is this so damn hard?  other people manage it so easily and they just don't know how this feels they cant even imagine i know i couldn't before i started ttc at least we have each other on here to understand.

good luck cat    

keep ya chin up Jo - starting next week i am being very very strict with dp re drinking and smoking have lapsed a bit of late through stress but as of Monday its healthy healthy healthy in this house!!!


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Afternoon all!!

Jo, i've just been reading your post and you could look at it from a different angle-maybe DH doesn't want to talk to you about how he feels as he's worried that it may make things worse for you.  Men like to be seen as the 'rock' and supportive one so maybe he doesn't want to upset you more ( if that makes sense) 

Linlou-am fine today still no af but still BFN!! spoke to DH last night about whether to start the Norethsterone (I really need to sort the spelling thing out!!! )this weekend as I THINK and it's only a possibility that I ovulated 2 weeks ago saturday so may retest again saturday and if still BFN (which it's bound to be) then will start taking them sunday.  DH kind of got his hopes up this month so was a bit disappointed yesterday-bless!!

Hello to all other readers!! x


----------



## NuttyJo

spot on there tink, just had a long chat with dh and thats exactly what he said to me. it was just hard being home alone and him being at work and my crazy hormones being all over the place!    

hope you get your suprise bfp hun xxx


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Thats understandable with the hormone thing.  I turn into a bit of a crazy monster and not in a good way when i'm taking Clomid!!!! 

Don't think BFP is going to happen this time roud although am going to buy some cheap pee sticks (tesco 3.98 for 2!!!) just in case him up there fancied dishing out the miracles!!!!

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## NuttyJo

ditto with the tescos pee sticks! i got them aswell as i dont wanna waste money on something i am going to pee on! 

i am drunk  

love you all xxx


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Think I am joining you as I am the best part of the way through a bottle of white!!!

Maybe I shouldn't be on FF more like AA!!!!   

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## ems1

such a good idea.

- sad because I'm on my 4th cycle of clomid with 1 misscarriage even though the cons keen saying everything is perfect
-  because my mother in law keeps asking if i've been to the hospital and asking whats happening and sticking her nose in, as well as saying that at least I know I can get pregnant, what does she know
- worried that all this is having an effect on my marriage even though hubby is lovely and supportive
- Don't feel I can talk to friends as they don't know what i'm going through.
- Angry that I found out that an old work friend is pregnant again and went for a 3 mile rund to try and get rid of it! some people have no clue how lucky they are

Why does all this have to be so hard

Core tell you what it really does help


----------



## wouldloveababycat

I am on my 10th cycle of clomid (first few didn't ovulate) and I am battling with being happy for everyone with their bfp's and just hurting so much that it just doesn't seem to be happening for me     
Cat


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Cat-it's understandable that you are feeling that way, I think we all have moments when we feel like friends are overtaking us.  My BF is due her 2nd baby next mth and the first one was one two weeks ago.  She just has to look at her DH and she gets a BFP!!!!

We will catch them up eventually though!!!!

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks hun ..I so hope so x


----------



## kellixxx

Im sat on here in floods of   and i dont know why i just feel Ssssooooooo down  

Well theres my rant over


kel


----------



## maj79

Kel you know were I am hun


----------



## kellixxx

Thanx mate



love kel.xxx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Kelli, yes,were here for you, its them bloody hormones hun,


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Ahhh hunny   sorry you are feeling low ..yes those bloomin hormones have a lot to answer for ..but they are helping your little beanie to grow .. so just pamper yourself when you feel like this hunny x 

Cat x


----------



## kellixxx

Thank you.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx





kel


----------



## Tripitaka

Great idea!  Excuse me while I have  a rant...

So sad that we're still not Mummy and Daddy.  

So happy for friends and family getting preg but getting so down that it's never us announcing the BFP.  

So disappointed in myself for getting so utterly self-absorbed... it's all me, me, me these days and NOT like me at all.

Mad that I thought Clomid hadn't affected me - duh! Has sent me totally crackers - feeling so weird and not myself at all, and easily tipped over the edge at the mo - hate it hate it hate it.  

Angry that I took my first round of Clomid for no bloomin reason - had no baseline scan and then when I went for CD11 scan (after 5 days Clomid) found to have cyst on left ovary so cycle abandoned.

Worried that interfering might make everything so much more complicated - don't wanna end up taking drugs for one thing and then summat else to counter the first etc etc... aaaaaagh, overwhelmed by it all.

Glad that I'm not the only one.

Good luck everyone.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Tripitaka ...   hunny ..you are bound to feel more self absorbed I think we all do hun, its all part of the madness of ttc and having fertility treatment I think .. 

There are good things that can counteract some of the side effects such as your mucus drying up ..like pre-seed .. and also taking evening primrose oil up to ovulation helps some people.. for womb lining get some selenium tablets from holland and barrett cos that is another side effect ..once you get used to your daily cocktail of tablets its not such a big thing and worth it if it helps get a BFP ... come onto the clomid girls thread and talk to the girls on there they will have lots of advice and will boost you when you are feeling down .. I don't know what I would have done without this site .. 

Taking clomid at night ..gives a lot less side effects ..or seems to with most women ..so if you don't already I would highly recommend taking it at night .. I get the odd hot flush but not too many .. 

Well sending you some babydust .. and some positive vibes and a big hug ..hope you feel better soon hun and that you get a speedy BFP  x

 
       

Cat x


----------



## Crazy Fi

Tripitaka

Totally agree with Cat, come join us on site and and throw yourself in and youll get loads of support on the thread... and good luck


----------



## NuttyJo

hot flushes at night resulting in not being able to sleep and then freezing cold during the day   im feeling sorry for myself as im sooooo tired! booo hooo to me


----------



## cleg

sad that the clomid didnt work


----------



## Nix76

Cleg.


----------



## Crazy Fi

Cleg hun, big hugs to you, and dont give up with clomid after eefects, like Rosie said some peeps get caught after clomid, and when you move on to next step please stay with us, would miss you and your scatty endearing humour, youve posted so much more on here lately and your so funny and brighten peoples day..... so sorry a/f came, was rooting for you this cycle, but you will get there in the end xx


----------



## Crazy Fi

I Held a newborn baby today...fed him... cuddled him, it ripped at my heart so much    , just wanted to hold him so close and pretend for just a minute...just for a minute I wanted the world to go away so I could imagine remembering  how it feels.... he smelt so beautiful, i just couldnt stop smelling the scent of that newly born baby. and so warm and soft, my heart cried and there was such a sad yearning pain inside filling the empty void,the yearning to hold my own tiny little miracle dependent on my love, so needy.. So beautiful and perfect, I just held him and cried, in fact have cried most of day, I cried cos Im so so happy that my DD has this beautiful perfect little son.... I cried that my Father will never see his GGS, and would have been so so proud, I cried cos I was so proud of my DD holding her little cherub, But Im ashamed to say that I cried with this great sadness that brought it all home today that I may never hold my own baby and look into the eyes of my DH and see the hapiness and pride there, and the yearning was so painful, almost too much to bear.
It may seem another life , another surreal world, but I did once hold my DD's like today decades ago, and today I cried for all those ladies who yearn still to hold their first born, my God if my pain felt like this it hit me that I cant imagine how you must feel when your feelings of despair get in the way, and I just wanted to send big hugs to the ladies for what they may go through when the down days come along, and send you all the most positive vibes and I really hope your journeys take you to your dreams, Im just speaking from the heart and pray your dreams come true    today for me was so bitter/sweet.. but tomorrows a new day, and I must count my blessings for the beautiful things in my life, My dear DH who shows me never ending love, support and kindness and has shown me true unconditional love can be shown to me and that despite my past sadnesses, I am worth it, my family and the few "true" friends I can truly trust and I can dream that one day I will be holding my own beautiful little baby, who is ours, who i can hold as close as I like, and love so unconditionally with those emotions that bypass any others     Nothing can stop me dreaming, but please let my dream come true


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Fi hunny


----------



## NuttyJo

fi   you sure have a way with words hun, made me cry as its exactly how i feel most of the time and im sure its how we all feel whilst going through this crazy journey


----------



## kellixxx

Fi   you poor love.xxxx


kel


----------



## wickedangel

Fi,

I have tears in my eyes reading this.  Its exactly how we all feel.  I wish upon wish that we could have what we want most of all.


----------



## NuttyJo

I am worried about how much I feel like I dont want to be here anymore at the moment   I just cant snap out of it


----------



## cleg

's to all my felow ladies who are going through a rough time

Fi thinking of you  

Jo come on hunny you have fight in you yet  

xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Jo .. Please call me if you feel like that hun or come on here and talk to us whatever you feel most comfortable with .. you are a great person and have so much to live for hunny.. our lives might not follow the path we would have like to have chosen but there is happiness out there for all of us .. so don't give up .. I do know how you feel tho as when everything was going wrong for me I didn't think I could take anymore and I talked to the Samaritans online for a while cos just couldn't cope with the pain I felt ..it is hard so so hard but there are people who understand how you feel hunny ..and if you gave up you would always wonder what if ..sending you lots of                             
xxx 
Cat


----------



## dreamerbarton

this seems like the place to come n have a rant . 
well my AF was 3 days late so instead of testing i rung the hospital for my day 21 results to be told they were only 25 i must of had the blood test to early. then to put the icing on the cake my AF arrived last nite. i really thought we had done it this month. just feel a little low today 
back on the crazy pills tomorrow 
goodluck everyone n hope u all feel better soon 
gill x


----------



## Crazy Fi

Sorry it didnt work for you this month, big hugs to you and best of luck for this new cycle  DB xx


----------



## dreamerbarton

thanks fi n goodluck for ur cycle to sending lots n lots of


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Feeling grumpy and tearful today .. work are giving me no time to fill out my application for my own job which is supposed to be done in work time ha ..fat chance ! just feel like a good cry   and to tell people to 'F' 'R' 'O' !! 

Cat x


----------



## Crazy Fi

to you Cat, xx


----------



## Nix76

Had a bad week.  Feeling like it's all caught up with me and that it's never gonna happen for us.  Constantly feel as if I am just a second away from crying or shouting.  My DH building up the courage to tell me that ANOTHER of our friends are pregnant.  Wondering for how much longer we can carry on with this and still have a good marriage. Just had enough.


----------



## tinkerbelle78

Nix76 just wanted to send you a big    

I know that it feels like everyone in the world can achieve what we seem to struggle with, but we will get there eventually!!!  I have days where I think I'm dealing with everything OK and then other days I just feel angry at the world!!

My 2 closest friends are currently pregnant, one is 21 weeks pregnant and one is 39weeks pregnant!! also lots of our friends have either just had babies or are trying with minimal effort!!!!IT WILL HAPPEN FOR US ONE DAY!!!

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## NuttyJo

big hugs to everyone whos feeling poopy at the moment. its a horrid, cruel world isn it   BUT we will all get there eventually so dont give up hope.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

convinced it hasn't worked all my symptoms seem to have gone ... not sure I can face looking at yet another negative tomorrow         I am so fed up of how my body tricks me into hoping      its like mental torture and it does make you feel such a failure .. 10th cycle and if this doesn't work you have to wonder if its meant to be  

Cat x


----------



## Nix76

Cat, sending you    I can relate to how you're feeling hun.  Nix.


----------



## cleg

cat lotsa ((((hugs)))) for you

xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Have just fallen out with a friend when I really needed her support after getting BFN this morning  she told me I should snap out of it and I replied saying that it is easy for her to say that when she has one lovely little girl and another on the way and I asked her to leave me to deal with it in my own way and that it was a big thing in my life .. that I will probably never hold my own child     she text me back saying drop the attitude      so have replied saying thanks for being such an understanding friend ..now leave me alone.. I don't need this today ..now I have turned all my phones off cos she is like a dog with a bone ..and won't leave it alone


----------



## wouldloveababycat

How your worst AF's always come when you already feel pants ! prepare the barricades  
How friends can let you down when you most need them
How insomnia doesn't stop just because of a BFN
Being tired but not able to sleep
Cats getting my hoppy cat into a corner and fighting them and not clearing off even when I am standing over them ..nasty horrible bully   when she cannot defend herself as well due to her semi paralysed leg .. so if I get that cat it will have a bucket of water over its head nasty bully!
How I can't make all my FF's get a nice BFP just cos I want them to have one
How the urge for your own child doesn't fade just cos you are reaching the end of treatment

W don't ask for much but we would like:-

- Ability to wish for a BFP for our FF's 
- Ability to send ourselves off to sleep
- Ability to do all AF in one day to get it over with and magic away the pain
- Ability to switch off our negative emotions as and when we feel like it
- Ability to magic nasty bully cats into the air and hang them upside down from the tallest tree ooh and then make it a little bit windy  

Don't ask for much do I ? lol


----------



## tinkerbelle78

feeling thoroughly down this evening!!! Did a v stupid thing yesterday-a peestick!!-and suprise suprise it was a BFN!!!!!!!!!! I should be getting used to this now-the amount I've spent on pg tests I could prob buy shares in Clearblue!!

To top all of this off one of my furbabys has been missing for just over a week now and still hasn't returned.  Have started to make posters and DH printed them off and brought them home and there was a picture of Sonny (furbaby) on it!!! well that started the waterworks! 

Just feel like I can't be bothered with anything.  poor DH has had to go and see his mate tonight on his own.  Really didn't feel like gushing over their 3mth old baby-sound like such a witch don't I!!?? Sorry for the 'me, me, me' post!

Tinkerbelle78 xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Tinkerbelle you are allowed to feel down hun cos BFN's are shi**y !! you have to be good to yourself and keep away from anything that makes you feel worse and pamper yourself, you need a lovely big bar of chocolate, a nice glass of something yummy, and your feet up to watch crappy tv xxx


----------



## tinkerbelle78

thanks Cat!! Have been doing too much of that recently though and comfort eating isn't helping my waist line!! Have tried being good with diet but yummy food does have a healing property!!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

I think you are entitled to do that when you get a BFN ..its just restricting the pies the rest of the time lol .. 
Cat x


----------



## cleg

mad that i get treat like **** @ work

mad my neighbour is a ass

sad that my uncle has been diagnosed with cerebral palsy

sad that i have to have my tubes taken out

sad that i wont fall pg on my own

cleg


----------



## NuttyJo

totally fed up of being stuck at home allllll day every day and dh being away 2 weekends in a row for a course and him having the car so i cant go out anyway. also had enough of the blumin dog getting me up at all hours   i want a lie in for gods sake!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Big hug for both of you x


----------



## Nix76

Where to start.....

AF arriving bang on schedule AGAIN!
Killer AF pains and backache
Babies, toddlers and pregnancy announcements everywhere I look
Hating how bitter I feel when I hear someone elses happy news  
Feeling like I'm holding my DH back because all this is down to me

Just....ARRRGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHG


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Nix


----------



## ccoombes

that DH and Nephew walked over my clean floor with their dirty boots
 coz im in a bad mood and no idea why!!!!!  
 coz im having to work part of my day off!!

hhmmmmm... thanks, feeling a little better now!


----------



## NuttyJo

getting pregnancy symptoms but knowing deep down af is gonna arrive   

MIL's... need i say anymore


----------



## Stalyvegas

Bugger the MIL !!!!!  We havent spoken to mine for 3 1/2 blissfully quiet years......
R
x


----------



## NuttyJo

how did you manage that one?! dh is a mummys boy.....


----------



## Stalyvegas

My MIL is a depressive Alkie who is still very very very bitter about splitting with DH's dad....  he has been remarried for over 15 years!!!! Get over it woman. 

She used to phone us up [email protected]%&ssed and rant down the phone, then threaten to get the police to arrest the father in law at my wedding etc... DH had anxiety attacks over it, so in the end we wrote to her un-inviting her and thats the last we have heard! Apart from funny hone calls she makes on mothers day and christmas.

My DH is def not a mummys boy - more like a mother hater....  she has not even seen a pic of my DD!
R
x


----------



## DougalsTwin

My flaming in laws

If I hear "we're only buying Christmas presents for children" one more time I'm going to shove a barbie doll up my sis in laws posterior. 

Why don't they just rub my nose in it?? Has anyone heard of tact? not apparently in HIS family. They are so insensitive!!!

If I hadn't miscarried in February, it would have been our first 3 person Christmas.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH.....

breathe breathe breathe breathe......

I find a spare 'smart price' crockery set comes in handy on these occassions. And a brick wall.....  

sorry for that - needed to rant.
Group hug everyone........


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Just feeling so sad and lost and don't know what to do with myself   wish this pain would go away..cos I have had enough now ..don't think I can take anymore


----------



## max_8579

Hi cat,

    I know how you feel as im feeling the same,its so unfair its so unfair as its all we ever wanted.

     for you hun.xxx


----------



## sj79

Because weve now been married for over 2 years adn everyone, but everyone, wants to know when we'll be having a baby.

And yes of course I'm broody, and yes we know were not getting any younger (were not that bloody old though) and yes its great that my cousins pregnant - grest, hreat great!  

    to you all!!!


----------



## NuttyJo

my sister going into labour   im such a horrid horrid person


----------



## NuttyJo

oh and i had a part time cleaning job to get me out of the house twice a week and the womans rang to say she has found someone else so wants her keys back. this is because i had last week off for ohss. is there anything else that is going to make me feel like a total failure today?


----------



## linlou17

i am so sad my best friend gave birth to a baby girl last thursday - i thought she was so lucky but the baby developed breathing problems thursday night and is on a ventilator at manchester intensive care, they have tried to take her off ventilator but her lung collapsed and she now has meningitis around her brain and in her spinal fluid i am just so sad and keep crying for my friend she is being so strong i cannot imagine how she feels life can be so cruel.  i have heard nothing but bad news for the past 18 months i dont think i can cope with much more


----------



## Nix76

Linlou    Sending   for you, your friend and the baby.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Linlou hunny   we will all pray for your friend and her baby and for you to get some good news for a change          

Have a good cry and lots of chocolate and a stiff drink and lots of cuddles with DH x
Cat x


----------



## Crazy Fi

Linlou, Thats so awful...big hugs to you, you must feel so helpless hun, were here for you xx


----------



## linlou17

thanks so much for all your support i am finding things so hard for the past 18 months we have had bed news after bad and this has broken my heart its is so sad, i have known my friend since i was 6 and was first to know she was pg i have spent the last 9 months supporting her as hard as it was for me i have sat with my hands on her belly feeling baby kick and i am so upset and feel helpless i also feel A little guilty as i thought she was so lucky to get pg without even trying or wanting to be pg, i cried and cried when she told me she was pg (not in front of her but after she had gone) wishing that it was me who was pg i felt sorry for me that she did not want a baby (she did want baby once she got over the shock) and was having one and that it was not fair, how selfish? and now this has happened i dont know how i feel im just sad


----------



## max_8579

Linlou big   to you hun.xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Really struggling to like myself at the moment.. feel like I have got into a spiral of disliking myself.. can't bear to look at myself in the mirror as have gained lots of weight and typical pcos hairy face even though I try and get rid of it every day it looks like man stubble and I hate it so much     

Does anyone feel like they wish they could just go to sleep and not wake up .. or not wake up until you feel mentally able to carry on .. I try and keep positive but finding it hard today.. I am stuck in a cycle of eating food that is comfort food and it is almost like a drug ..it gets me through the day but it is making me so unhappy as I am just getting fatter and fatter just in the past few weeks I am sure I have gained loads..I don't have scales in the house as I got too obsessive when I was losing weight and would find it hellish on the weeks where I didn't lose and it just got too much..and I didn't want to get so that I was sticking my finger down my throat like I did years ago out of sheer desperation to lose weight..

Its like I am two different people as I very rarely let this side of me show apart from on here .. and never would to friends/family ...not the gorey details but sometimes it just gets so hard acting this emotionally intact together person.. when inside I hate myself and am falling apart   I feel guilty posting on here and it is difficult once no longer on clomid as you don't feel like you fit anywhere.. I know once a clomid chick always a clomid chick but I sometimes feel guilty that my profile isn't very positive for the girls still on clomid .. whilst on clomid at least I felt there was hope and now I am in this damm limbo land and I just need to know if there is any hope or not .. 

When I was at the Rugby today (I havn't been for some time) I had a comment about how this guy could see much  better without me there .. I think he was probably just joking about my bust but all I could think of is I am this fat worthless lump of lard and just wanted to cry .. I blocked this thought out and enjoyed the game after a few mins but just find it harder and harder not to think that of myself and if you don't like yourself you can hardly expect anyone else to can you?

I am thinking I might go and pay for some hypnotherapy to try and break this cycle .. with the food and the distaste of myself      cos if this is the end of the road I need to find the strength to move on ..

Cat x


----------



## ikklesmiler

hun 
you sound so very very depressed, and i mean medically, i would strongly advise (as someone whos been through the exact feelings your getting) you go see your gp, as hard as it may be hun, you need some help.... dont go through this alone.

If you need to talk just PM me hun.

Ann Marie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Cat hunny    ... you know where I am if you wanna chat ,your a beautiful person and we all think that  I can vouch for it hate to see you being so hard on yourself, I understand your angry frustration at the limbo your in and feeling let down etc.. but please dont turn it in on yourself  your worth so much more  xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## NuttyJo

cat   we all love you and i know its hard but try and stay positive. i think you should go to the doctors and ask to speak to someone as ive had councelling before and it really helped to get it all out and work through how i was feeling. you're a wonderful person so dont feel guilty for having bad days and telling us how you're really feeling as thats what we're here for ok; through good or bad  

love jo x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

I will contact my counsellor .. I tried to meet up with her a few wks back but someone new answered the phone and didn't ever phone me back and I try and convince myself I am ok..

It is my god-daughters birthday party today and I can't face going cos I know that I will cry and her Mum is the friend I fell out with the other week and things are somewhat strained ..and she is pregnant and I just can't face it all today..I know she would say that is me being 'Me me me ' again and yes it is cos its self preservation..
Cat x


----------



## NuttyJo

you do whats right for you, do not let her make you feel guilty for how you're feeling. she has no idea what its like so only go if you feel up to it. if its going to make you feel worse then i personally wouldnt, i would go out, have some fun and pamper yourself.

jo xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks Jo   .. its just one long guilt trip isn't it this ttc malarkey


----------



## NuttyJo

defo! i feel like a right b**ch for feeling jealous of my friends/family who are all happily pregnant but i think its perfectly normal to feel like this. we need to do whats right for us at the time and sod everyone else! selfish? maybe! but im doing whatever it takes to help me through this at the moment. i still have my bad feeling sorry for myself days as we all do but its natural and erm im rambling now so i will shhhh!   

just remember we're here for you whenever and you can tell us anything ok. we wont judge or put you down  

xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thank you hunny I don't know where I would be without this site  x


----------



## Avon Queen

Hiya

Sod her!!, as prev said she has no idea what you are going through, and therefore CANNOT judge. Dont go there, not if its going to upset you. You NEED to be "me me me" at moment, bugger everyone else! Get yourself booked in with the counsellor ASAP, you will feel better knowing you have arranged it. When i went i cried for the entire hour and felt guilty for depressing counsellor!! but thats what shes there for and shes seen it all before....when i came out i felt like a cloud had lifted...its a good release to someone who understands and you can drop the pretense for an hour of being a happy woman...which is essential to work through your feelings. I havent even started my treatment yet (ivf my only option) and i understand your feelings on coming on here, but its for everyone in different stages of trying to conceive, and we all feel crap until we conceive so dont worry about it. Sometimes i was so down, it would just hit me, say, in the middle of Asda, would just want to collapse and cry in the aisle it was so powerful ( the grief), i understand how it rips your body apart. Over time though you do feel a touch better. You need to think of "every trick in the book" that normally cheers you up. for example, i got a dog to mother, started avon to divert my head and give retail therapy and sense of achievement, went out for walks in countryside, bought myself nice new things....just focussed on ME.  If my IVF doesnt work, i will adopt so im not sure what your thoughts are on that, but for me, i just "look forward to being a mother" whichever way it happens, and try and look at it that way.

hope i have helped in a smidgen of a way?!! im no expert, just recognise your feelings. if you do 1 thing for yourself on monday ring up and arrange the counsellor.

Sending lots love, best wishes, hugs, and baby dust xxxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Thanks Avon Queen   I think I am too good at pretending everything is ok and then it just builds up and it is worse.. I will def phone up counsellor on Monday.. just thinking what excuse I can give now for not going to party.. 
Cat x


----------



## Avon Queen

Erm....now let me see, how about ...oh this is hard, thinking of excuses. How about youve been sick? may be something youve eaten like that curry last night, upset stomach? sorry thats best i can think of!! 

Automatically i think we try to hold it all in and be strong, but you need to release it all, which will eventually make you stronger "during the day". Its like i know i can come on here everynight and have a good cry if i need it and thats great as it keeps me sane during the day (can save it for later). Theres not a lot of point in crying to friends, hubby, work mates as they dont really understand you, you need to release on this site or with counsellor


----------



## NuttyJo

I feel like such a horrid person and am so ashamed of myself today   Went to see MIL last night and BIL and pregnant gf was there. I could not bring myself to even look at them, let alone talk to them   DH thinks I have a serious problem with just them but its not just them, its all pregnant people at the moment   Yeah I put on a brave face to my pregnant sister and stuff but thats cos ive had time to deal with her being pregnant (shes 40 wks wed....) and they have only just announced their news so of course im gonna find it harder to talk to them about it right now. He just doesnt understand the pain I feel and would be happy giving up and having a 'normal' life from now on. I just feel so lost and confused and wish I could just make a decision and stick to it. Im not ready to give up yet but not sure how much more I can take either   

This is the only place I can say how im feeling without the fear of being judged or thought of as a complete nutcase (ok im crazy but who isnt    )


----------



## kellixxx

Jo BIG  


kel


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Jo









Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## Stalyvegas

Big kiss Jo, you are not a horrid person - you are someone in a very difficult situation, dont be hard on yourself.
R
xx


----------



## Avon Queen

Oh Jo

       

lots of hugs to you, youre not crazy! im exactly the same!


----------



## NuttyJo

thanks girls   im feeling a little better again today now   i usually bottle things up so this is a good way of getting it out, hope you dont mind! xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Jo


----------



## Avon Queen

Jo

oh it does you good to let it out, better out than in, i say. these pregnant women have no idea as to what you are going through, stay well clear, you need to protect yourself. i suspect your heart is broken, just like mine. need to distance yourself. Ive just had another pregnancy announcement at work and she can hardly look me in the face, its not her fault & i feel bad for not asking her how she is. cant do it.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Not being able to send more than 20 msgs per hour ..when you want to reply to someone


----------



## ccoombes

getting a BFN on first cycle of tx!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

hunny        for your next cycle 
Cat xx


----------



## Nix76

Receiving a call from my  friend telling me she's pregnant and being desperate to get off the phone so I can cry


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Nix


----------



## NuttyJo

nix  

 ccoombes


----------



## ccoombes

Nix76


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Nix   it never gets any easier does it .. 
Cat x


----------



## ccoombes

the crappy side effects of this m onths CLomid!


----------



## maj79

Thinking that things are finally going right AND YET AGAIN getting a great big shove backwards whilst hearing the laughter in the air that you could even THINK that things are good, should know better by now.


----------



## MaryC

WAITING! WAITING! WAITING! to see if preg and going on a hen weekend this weekend and not knowing if I can drink (never really drink but had big plans for this weekend) I know I will have to deal with lots of questions if i don't drink and no-one knows we're ttc or else they will all presume I'm preg and then I may turn out not to be and will have to deal with my period and having ruined the weekend for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## cleg

mary go + enjoy yourself, you deserve a bit of down time hun just dont overdo it  

xxx


----------



## Avon Queen

hi maryc

i too am going out drinking for first time since may!!! and am worried incase i am pregnant, highly unlikely with my luck,mind! im just going to go out and enjoy myself for a change, i think it will do me good. lots of women go out having no idea they are pregnant...... if you feel nauseus 24/7 and really feel pregnant, then i would just have 2-3 drinks.


----------



## Crazy Fi

A/f seems to be on its way and think Ive decided that next month is my last month to try as I dont even know if Im ovulating , and sixth month on clomid, third month of being on 200mg, which is scarily high dose.. think Im gonna call it quits before the decision is made for me, in a few months anyhow, think I can bare it more if I opt out before fate just sends me to pasture          if I knew I was ovulating then it 'd be worth the risk, but this is bringing me down as there are no ways forward for me at my age once Ive finished clomid, or rather when its finished with me...... so would rather go out with my head up and a grieving  heart, rather than one thats caved in, which is what I fear .....


----------



## angelus

Fi-   Please dont quit till you have been down every road. The lights at the end of the tunnel, you just havent quite reached it yet  xxxxxxx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Thanks Angelus   but I just dont think I can bear to reach that last door, the one without anymore keys....


----------



## NuttyJo

fi


----------



## maj79

Fi


----------



## NuttyJo

i was debating which thread to put this on as it mades me smile but its a sad kinda smile, if you get me?   

breathing in a newborn babies scent....   i have done it nearly every day for a week now with my niece and i just want it to be my baby that im breathing in


----------



## Stalyvegas

Oh Jo, that brought tears to my eyes - I hope it is your baby soon.
R
x


----------



## Avon Queen

Oh jo, u made me cry! i long for that too. and when your child looks at you and you can tell what they want, and nobody else can.....and sitting on my hip, gripping on to me at the shops. and sitting in the trolley at asda as i push them. gonna stop now, thats enough   

and my rant today..... would be ruddy christmas. bar bloody humbug its no fun without a child to cherish and give presents too. can we fast forward please? (is it just me that feels like that??how much of a miserable cow am i!!!)


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Someone at work yesterday asked me if I had a family, and when I said yes I have a husband and a lovely ginger tom cat she replied, no I meant a real family.       Its so difficult trying to be brave sometimes and pretending that you have got all that you want when really you just want a lovely baby to love and cherish


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Jo  your post made me  HUGE hugs for you my lovely 

Mrs Dibbles  woman! What a totally tactless, cruel thing to say! I would have  the  old bag! 

Sending you all 






Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Right need to have a rant !   

I have got AF today day 43 .. first cycle for ages that has not been 37 days but then it has been a stressful month.. worked it out that if I get AF next cycle at normal 37 days it will be Christmas Eve   Great eh ! especially if I have a flooding cycle which I tend to every other cycle..

Found out that I have been invited to my Uncles on Xmas Day and his new girlfriend and all her family will be there which includes a very young baby and toddler .. My Mum has answered for me that I will go because I had agreed to go to her house on Christmas Day for a quiet family christmas ..now it has turned into something else alltogether and I really do not want to go, but both My brothers have said they don't want to go and she is laying the guilt trip that she won't have anyone to talk to 

I know I am going to find Christmas Day really really hard as I thought I would have a little one or at least be pregnant and my appointment is on the 21st just before Christmas which is likely to be bad news .. and I am always emotional when I have AF or due AF so really really think I need to just be on my own ...with a lovely M&S mini roast to watch the tv I want to watch ...have a good     and just be with my cats ..

I don't want to be in someone elses house where I can't relax and have to sit and socialise with a family I don't know with a young baby and a toddler that will just rub in what I have failed to achieve and will just make me so so sad ..I know that it is selfish but sometimes for personal sanity you have to be selfish .. grrr I am so frustrated that she just accepted on my behalf .. and now I feel guilty ..yet she should never have assumed that I would go .. she knew how upset I was last week (I ended up having to go home from work ..as this wall of grief just hit me that I will probably never have my own child and I am really struggling to pick myself up ..) 

I know that Christmas is just going to be so hard and I wish I could just sleep through the whole thing .. I think I am going to end up on the Fi side of loving Christmas ..the thought of having a tree or anything I just can't be bothered with it all this year ..yet there is part of me who wishes for better things and loves Christmas who bought a bauble the other day for a tree I probably won't have..     

Also I read on ******** what everyone thought was an achievement in their lives all of them involved  having a child      

and Fed up of feeling crappy ..2nd stinky cold in a month


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Dear Cat 
Right...I shall cut to the chase here my lovely...
Don't go....don't be forced into going...don't put yourself in ANY situation that will be stressful/upsetting etc ok!?
I have learned over the years that it is OK to be selfish and do what YOU want...or NOT do what you don't want.
Self preservation is the key my lovely and I know it may sound harsh, with it being Christmas etc but tough! YOU are more important than playing happy families with others, so calmly, but firmly say "I'm sorry but I won't be coming".
Think of it this way...
How would you feel if it all got too much and you ended up in floods of tears...you'd be worrying you'd upset them...when in reality they haven't afforded you the same concern.

Christmas is difficult for many people, for many reasons and I would advise you to do as little or as much as you personally feel able to.

New Year Motto... "No-one makes me feel like poop without my permission" 

Sending huge hugs to you my darlin

Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## NuttyJo

ditto what gayn said   

do whats right for you and stuff what other people think you should do


----------



## wouldloveababycat

thank you all


----------



## Stalyvegas

And lots of big kisses too, I agree - dont go.

Rach
xxxxxxxx


----------



## maj79

Fed up of seeing parents who can not appreciate and cherish the gift that have been given, Treating children like they are just a hindrence to their lives, f'ing and blinding at them, dragging them about, telling them they are going to leave them so they can go out. Using them as a way to getbienifits and houses, While there are woman out there, like us, who would give our last breath to have that joy in our lives, to worship every step, breath word that child can do. Having to be poked prodded and then deemed worthy by people who dont even know us, to if we DESERVE to be parents. To live in fear that I might never ever know what it is like to feel my baby kick inside me, that first glimpse of  a child I would truly treasure. The thing I would give ANYTHING and everything for. Please Please just once let it be me


----------



## Crazy Fi

Aww 

Cat I too couldn't agree more with Mrs chaos's sound advice, you do need to be putting yourself and your coping mechanisms first.... Say you wont be going and your mum can explain it away just as she accepted the invitation for you, and try and keep hold of the fact that your consultants appointment may bring something more helpful long term once theyve sorted out the current problem... big hugs to you  xx

Maj hunny, . my God your so right 


maj79 said:


> Having to be poked prodded and then deemed worthy by people who dont even know us, to if we DESERVE to be parents.


..... and its so wrong.......

I hope and pray that both you and Cat will be able to look back, just like the ladies on here that have had broken hearts thinking it would never be them,but who are now either holding or carrying their beautiful child, and that you both will find your dream you both so deserve        xx

Dont give up believing and hoping, my dear friends, dont give up xx


----------



## ikklesmiler

sorry girls.. i gotta have a rant now....  there a girl/woman that my ds used to go round to see (dh and i wanted him to stop going round there, shes a 21 yr old single mother of 2, ds is 15!)  anyway, shes just coe on msn messenger and asked how my ivf was going (very strange i thought!) then she announced shes preg!!!  i said to her ' oh i didnt realise you were with anyone' she says.... oh im not, its jasons (her eldest) dad' i said 'oh i didnt think you had anything to do with him'  she said 'well hes being a pri** now, '  i said 'so whats going to happen then? is he gonna start taking responsibility?'  she replies...  ' i dunno, we dont talk'  i (sort of calmly) replied.... well he talked to you enough to get you preg again, you need to sort this out!'  ...............  with that she put her away sign up and ignored me!!  what is it with some people!!!!  she only spoke to me to rub my nose in it! stupid stupid girl, she has 2 fatherless children and another on the way!  her kids are always dirty looking, her house is always full of teenagers!  why why why why why why why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry rant over, am gonna go cry now.        

Ann xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## bev82

Hello everyone

Sorry for the rant but I just have loads of things bottled up at the moment... Found out on Saturday that my SIL is pregnant with her 2nd child. Found out today on my CD11 scan that only 2 follicles have developed so far and they are only 11mm (I'm not sure what 'normal' is). My GP is refusing to prescribe clomid so will have to go through consultant again, even though consultant has prescribed it once already. Having stabbing pains in my ovary area which got me really excited only to find out that hardly anything is happening!!!!!!! Planning to spend xmas with family - they all decided only to buy presents for the children this year - guess that rules us out. Generally feeling very grumpy, tearful and fed up at being grumpy and tearful!!! Being told I'm polycystic, then I'm not, then I am again!!! 

Anyway, sorry for the earbashing and the me me me post but it feels (slightly) better to get it out. 

Lots of love and   to everyone

Bev XxX


----------



## Stalyvegas

Hi bev

We are all entitled to have 'me' days, do you rant away and we will all listen, and be sympathetic.....  I think christmas is a particularly hard time and the "lets just buy for the children" part can be quite insensitive (and I have a child!!!).

Hope you feel better for venting it out.
Big kisses        
R
xxx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Flooding every time I cough


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

I just want to make a really encouraging point, and I apologise if anyone has noticed this already....

If you go back to the first few pages of this thread and read some of the messages, you can see from their tickers/or info at bottom of post, that since writing their message, have then gone on to get their much longed for BFP's.    

I am hoping this is a good omen and I too will be one of those lucky ones now  , who knows?

I just thought I'd mention this as it gives so much hope and shows that you really do not know what's around the corner.  

Congratulations to you if you are one of the people I am talking about xx 

Love Angie xx


----------



## ccoombes

the pains caused by clomid!   (again!)


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I still haven't had a period and I am now on day 46. Have done 3 pregnancy tests over the past weeks all   I wish the dreaded witch   would hurry up and arrive so I can start course 3 of my clomid.


----------



## MaryC

CD34 still no A/F and no bun in the oven, I have done two tests so far!    Was up most of last night with horrendous hot flushes, man have it soooooooooooooooooooooooo easy.
A little concerned after reading Mrs Dibbles post, CD46 you must be completely crazy by now. Is that the longest you've every going?

Mary


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I spoke to my consultant today and I am going for a scan in the morning to check what is going on


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Oooh hope that brings you some answers hunny                    x

Mary C ..Hope that you either get a late BFP or AF so you can get on with next cycle


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Went for my scan this morning. It wasn't good news really. I have developed a 2cm simple cyst on my right ovary again which my consultant thinks is the reason why my cycle is mucked up this month. Now need to have medication to induce a bleed and then start my 3rd cycle of clomid. Will be scanned during my 3rd cycle to see what cyst is doing but if it hasn't dispersed or had got larger I think it may mean another op.   Also may me that clomid has to be stopped and then IVF may be our only option. Feeling really low today now


----------



## Stalyvegas

Sorry
R
x


----------



## AmyD

I am so sorry to hear about your scan it must feel like the whole thing is a nightmare for you just wanted to offer my support and send you hugs      you clearly need them!!!

keep your chin up easier said than done but there is a plan for everyone xx


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Mrs Dibbles ..hope it sorts itself out hunny     

Cat x


----------



## NuttyJo

mrs dibbles

 for everyone who needs one


----------



## Avon Queen

to mrs dibbles

good luck with everything, you must be feeling so down about it all. lve got to have IVF too. Life stinks doesnt it? lots of hugs, you will get there in the end xxxxxx


----------



## katylou

Mrs Dibbles

My   today... I'm a teacher in Glasgow, and every time I put on internet explorer for the kids today on the smartboard the Glasgow homepage came up.  On the front today was "Baby's 1st Christmas", register your new-born to take part in a special ceremony, blah, blah...  Give me a   break  

Kx


----------



## ccoombes

katylou   it really is crap isnt it!


----------



## NuttyJo

just feeling like a complete looser and that some people should be more considerate towards how im feeling

i am so selfish sometimes, i hate myself for not being happy for others


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Don't beat yourself up hunny ..


----------



## NuttyJo

feel better now, sun is shining and i am high on painkillers   

lol but seriously, thanks for the support and listening to me raving on girlies, it means a lot xxx


----------



## bev82

Being told on my CD15 scan that my follicles haven't grown at all and have in fact shrunk (don't know if this is possible?).    

Oh well, maybe next time. 

Bev XxX


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Bev   it is possible as that is what mine do, they go from looking perfect to deflating as does the lining, hope they can sort this out for you hunny        
Cat x


----------



## bev82

Thanks Cat

The weird thing is my lining has increased whilst my follicles have shrunk!! Feeling a bit   at the moment but hopefully I'll pick myself up soon. 

Love, hugs and      to everyone

Bev XxX


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Are they going to keep on scanning you this cycle have they given you any advice as to what is happening?


----------



## bev82

I'm having one more scan on CD19 followed by a CD21 and 25 progesterone blood test. I just think my body isn't working properly at the moment. I haven't had a natural AF since Sep 06 so it might take some time to get kick started again. Hopefully if they increase the dosage it might improve.    Fingers crossed

Love Bev XxX


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Fingers crossed hunny x


----------



## NuttyJo

having to sit and listen to my mil talking about my sil's 'accidental' pregnancy. she thought as i had been having problems then she would so didnt take precautions.           and more of


----------



## Avon Queen

jo,

i HATE bloody show off's. they make it seem so easy. we dont deserve this ****


----------



## NuttyJo

makes you feel like a complete failure dont it sometimes! b**ocks to them, thats what i say!


----------



## Avon Queen

yeah and how insensitive of her to say it was because you were having problems that she didnt take precautions. what a  ***ch! stay well out of her way, she will only cause you heartache


----------



## NuttyJo

well thats what she said to my mil and mil kindly thought i would like to know thats what happend   if she had said it to my face then she may not have liked what i would have said in reply   

anyway, i dont need people like that in my life cos i have my fab ff friends


----------



## Juliemonty30

Why me, why is everyone else pregnant, why is it such a struggle to get tests done, appointments, advice from consultants... why does it feel like I am the one figuring out what to do not my consultant...

Why after two years has our first ever SA come back with reduced motility, but they won't give me the report or any further info until our review appointment, even though I am clomid...

I HATE CLOMID, but thought it would work

I hate what this has done to me, I am not a fun person anymore

I don't want to be disappointed anymore

I hate this roller coaster

I hate PCOS, it has made me different to others, I hate not feeling good enough

I hate being stuck in a job because it pays good maternity pay and allows me to work part time

I hate that I am surrounded by pregnant women and am nice to them because I don't want to upset them and put my feelings last

I feel better for writing this stuff down!  

Julie


----------



## linlou17

oh Julie i feel just the same and im fed up being depressed i just want to forget about ttc sometimes but cant all my friends / cousins / work colleagues / neighbours are pg its so unfair!!!  

we are back at cons this friday i feel ill already thinking about it and the whole thing is so disappointing i was at a loss last time i went i felt so let down as they did not do a thing but was so upset i said nothing i knew if i opened my mouth i would start to blub so i just sat there and nodded and accepted the c**p excuses we were given about delay in any treatment.

i too am stuck in a job i absolutely hate but maternity pay is excellent if i ever get a cause for it.

stop the world i want to get off!!!

writing it down always helps me and the clomid girls are wicked i often wonder what i would do without ff?


----------



## Crazy Fi

Julie why dont you come join us on the clomid thread  
Linlou    a problem shared is a problem halved, and you wont feel alone with your feelings


----------



## linlou17

thanks fi i never feel alone with my feeling on ff its just the rest of the time!!!

julie hopefully see you on clomid thread x


----------



## KaTiEE

Feeling so hopeless.

Just about to find out that another cycle is a BFN (not tested yet but have had cramps since 4 days after ov so am sure). Why did I get my hopes up? And why can't my body do this

I desperately want a family, more than anything else. but I just don't know if I'm strong enough to keep going through all this.

 Katie x


----------



## Crazy Fi

Katie,   I know it so hard at times, and you may need to re charge your batteries, but be kind to yourself, and were here for you, theres so many ladies that can empathise and understand just how you feel , your not alone, although I know it can feel like that sometimes, dont give up hunny, look at how many people who felt just like you have now got there dream, it will hapen for you      xx


----------



## KaTiEE

thanks fi xx this has been a really hard cycle, emotionally but also physically. it doesn't help to be feeling sick, dizzy and tired and knowing it's not for a good reason. but i'll find my strength again, i always have done before. and i have to. but you're right you know, i should be kinder to myself... always push myself too hard. Might be getting on to ivf in a couple of months time (only giving clomid a 4-cycle try), not sure it's compatible with carrying on working the way i am. (my job is quite pressured and stressful) think some big decisions might be on their way.

how are you hunny 

Katie x


----------



## angel83

Katiee   

I have to say i expected clomid to work 1st month. im now on my 3rd cycle.

I have been told that it has a cummulative effect month after month. So this could be your time....

Angel83


----------



## max_8579

I just feel so down,everythings happening at once.Our friends told us they are going to have a baby 2day and my dh just told me it felt like a knife twisting inside him.I didnt realise hewas hurting so much and now im hurting even more.


----------



## Juliemonty30

I hear you, I am taking a break from clomid at the moment too trying to lose weight - it is such a rollercoaster of hope and then disappointment, but we will feel better by losing weight if nothing else

I am hoping to recharge my batteries by taking some time off and having a nice christmas, be good to yourself and do what you've got to to stay well

Most of all, I am worried about this affecting our marriage so don't want to ignore it but also don't want to talk about it too much, it is very tricky

Bubbles blown for you!

Julie


----------



## Avon Queen

hi all

it hurts sooooooooooo much when someone comes to work to parade there new baby. everyone gathers round and i just die inside


----------



## NuttyJo

avon queen


----------



## Crazy Fi

Avon queen   

Max,   they hurt too and it is like a knife in us when they show it isnt it   .. your day will come hun, you just got to believe that and his heart will be jumping, its just the waiting and unknown isnt it.. but it is so hard and and feels like salt in the wound even when your genuinly happy for them....     the good thing is hes sharing his feelings with you, which men seem to find really hard in this roller coaster of emotions....


----------



## max_8579

Thanks fi ive got tears in my eyes now but its all true. 

Hi julie,We do deserve a break and a nice xmas,good luck hun.x


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

My god I so agree. I had to stop watching my fave soap tonight (Corination Street) because yet again some one got accidentally pregnant after one s**g. It really upsets me. I know it isn't real life but why can't they write about normal people who have problems conceiving for a change.  (making out that people having problems conceiving aren't all as mad as a bag of spiders would also be helpful, aka Eastenders!!!!)   Grrrr!


----------



## Crazy Fi

Mrs dibbles


----------



## NuttyJo

i did too mrs dibbles! grrrrrrrrr! i hate soaps and their stupid accidental pregnancies that rub it in our faces. then they make out the women who are having difficulties are all psychos and try to steal babies!


----------



## angel83

Morning All

Hows Everyone?

Any Ciggies Maj - I still havent smoked Yipee..... 36hrs now - ill beat it i know i can..

I lost another 1lb at WW last night - quite please as i ate my way through a big cake with my BFN..

Angel83


----------



## linlou17

well done at WW angel83!! i am so frustrated cannot loose any weight but i am not a dedicated dieter so hmmm maybe that has something to do with it??!!!!
back to see cons tomorrow am not looking forward to it i just find it so upsetting i cant cope i cannot speak when i get there i am on the verge of tears the whole appointment


----------



## Avon Queen

Jo, Yeah and in coronation st Violet had an ectopic then used turkey baster from gay friend and got pregnant first time, yeah whatever!! and maria at hairdressers has already had an abortion and now shes "disraught" at her pregnancy news. AAAAhhhhhhhhh  

to the girls who are stopping smoking, id recommend the nicorette inhalator, gives you something to inhale on with a nicotine rush to boot, i used that ive stopped 7 years now  

im trying to work out when i ovulate at moment - im supposed to be ovulating today but weed on a predictor stick and it said no and im bleeding. my body is officially ****


----------



## NuttyJo

avon queen   

i was in tears watching hollyoaks last night with the Jacqui storyline. I think the script writers have done themselves justice with her IF battle. Why cant other soaps do the same? I know its not real life but its supposed to reflect real life, isnt it?


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I don't watch hollyoaks. Is it worth watching then for the IVF storyline or will it make me even more sad.


----------



## NuttyJo

well the Jacqui got pregnant and then had a m/mc and doctors have told her theres no way she can have a baby naturally etc. she has a criminal record so adoption is out of the window. then her sister got pregnant (ok by the guy who is with the one having IF problems   this is soap remember!) and she was going to let Jacqui adopt the baby but then had a termination instead. So another of Jacqui's sister's said she would be a sarrogate for her and then thats all turned pear shaped as that sister's husband wont agree to it. I just felt so sad for Jacqui for having them chances and then being snatched away like that.


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

It all sounds a bit crazy and too complicated for my liking!!   However sounds slightly more sensitive than some of the soap stories at the moment. I do wish they would write about normal people for a change, but then we would probably get bored watching it


----------



## ccoombes

finally plucked up the courage to give blood (well after so many blood tests i think i can cope now....) but called the blood people and they won't let me coz of the Clomid!  I know they need good blood, but it's yet another kick in the guts to make me feel even more of a failure as not only a woman but as a human being!!!!


----------



## linlou17

ccoombes at least you tried most people dont even do that (me included! im not great with needles!) so dont feel bad on yourself i think its ace that you went xx


----------



## ccoombes

why does the fertility nurse have to be such a b****, i called for my results (bloods on thursday) and was told they werent in and i should call on friday!!    i told her i was worried as last month my cycle was 26 days and i am now on cd25.  She was really rude and told me not to call her till i got my period if it was before friday.  well thats all well and good, but  -
1 - they never return your calls ( i called 15 times before someone answered and i had left messages!!)
2 - they have limited times when you can call
3 - they are closed on thursdays, so what do i do if af arrives on wed night/thur?

i just wanted to  , today isnt a good day as id worked my self into a bit of a tizz about getting my results as i dont think the clomid has worked again.  dont they understadn how stressfull and upsetting this is?? or are they trained to be mean coz they know you wont argue back coz your already in a state........


----------



## linlou17

oh my gosh ccoombes you poor thing the nurses are really nice where i go i feel so sorry for you i would think about making a complaint if they are upsetting you like this and not answering calls or returning them its not on this is a stressful enough time without them adding to it they should be supporting you

big   to you hun xx


----------



## NuttyJo

i agree with linlou, they sound like complete c**ts (sorry) 

big


----------



## Crazy Fi

jo!!!  

Ccoombes.. thats disgusting, I'd def complain, these power trippers are so nasty... you have every right to be allowing for impending a/f and need to know whether you can take clomid, if you rang back would you maybe get someone different, or if its her tell her how she upset you with her incensitivites and its not good enough, trouble is theyre so often not person centred nowadays, and the fault is hers not yours!


----------



## Avon Queen

coombes

sorry to hear nurses horrible to you,its like we have no choice but to take it as they hold all the power. i know how you feel - went to my doctor today who advised "sorry ive not got a crystal ball"!!!!!!aaaahhhhhhhhh! they wanna try living our lives for one b***** day so they have some idea of how were hurting


----------



## NuttyJo

this is a selfish post but i need to get it out or i will let is fester in my head  

my sister has just rang to say that shes bought a house. normally i would be pleased but the thing is she has everything sooooo easy. she has a little boy and recently given birth to a little girl and now shes getting a house. she doesnt work, her dp doesnt even have a stable job either so how the hell can they get a mortgage?!   Its not like its a little fixer-upper house, its a 3 bed semi with a large garden. 

I think its harder as im the oldest out of my siblings and it should be me having these things before them. Selfish I know but thats how i feel   

Oh well, i'll stick to my fur babies for now


----------



## maj79

Jo your timw will come hun and just think how much more you will appreciate what you have in life as you have had to fight for it, you will truley see the wonder you have, untill that time you have a DH you adore and adores you and your little  Gigantic bundles of fluff. Lots of     wishing for it to be your turn soon


----------



## linlou17

jo - i feel what you are going through.  i have sister who is 18 months younger there is just the 2 of us and she has 2 wonderful girls (ages 3 and 3/4 yr and 1 and 1/2 yr) a semi which they have had decorated, carpeted, laminated and a bloody conservatory added to - earn less than we do and still manage all this and are getting married end of may!!! i am truly happy for them if i could wish anyone all of this it would surely be my sister BUT... what about me i dont seem to be able to manage a 5th of this and it makes me feel like a let down!!! these feelings are weird coz i know she deserves all she has a nd i love her loads but everyone spare a thought for me (selfish linzi ?? - not really but its hard)

take care hun im sure it will all work out for us and will be worth the wait but getting there is guna be harder work for us than our sibilngs ( totally typical with my luck!!) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## linlou17

and just to add (after reading maj's post!!) we are lucky to have all we have in our lives, i was in awful relationship / marriage before  and would not change what i have now with dp for the world, obviously an addition would be magical but i know im a lucky girl all the same!! xx


----------



## angeldelight78

hi all

Just wanted to have a shout and cry over losing my bfp                  
ive started bleeding today (as its a chemical pregnancy/very early miscarriage then comes away with af) & its so so painful & heavy  

on a positive note fertility consultant says just shows i can get preg & plus dont have 2 wait 3mths b4 tryin again .....starting my dose of 150mg today very very nervous     

cant believe only took clomid for 1mth 100mg in sept and its done so much for me...........brought af's bk by looks of things as had af after mth of clomid... (havent had af in few yrs)..... was natural bfp this last mth as didnt take clomid that mth also had a natural af .......last mth cd 36 and this mth has been cd37   

i really need to start looking positive from now although its been hard


----------



## angeldelight78

sorry refraze that started bleeding yesterday    cd2 today starting clomid


----------



## Avon Queen

angeldelight


----------



## Crazy Fi

A/D

Youve been through a lot lately, I really hope that things are better for you this month,, you know where we are xx


----------



## angeldelight78

thanks so much AVONQUEEN & FI XXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## linlou17

feeling sad have just found out that my cousin has lost her baby she would have been around 10-11 weeks now but baby died at 7 weeks its so sad i thought she was so lucky to be pg and never thought beyond that


----------



## Crazy Fi

Linlou


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Sorry that you are all sad


----------



## chocolateellie

angel-- it's so hard trying to be positive where you are... I hope you allow yourself a little bit of sadness and a little bit of hope. Clomid is a miracle for a lot of people-- I hope you're one of them.


----------



## linlou17

just an updatwe on my cousin she is coping well which is good to hear but i know she will be heartbroken and feel for her.

frustrated today feel af on way


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Hope not Linlou .. take heart that lots of people who have BFP's think just that


----------



## Avon Queen

linlou

i know its awful but please dont take on your cousins grief, you need to sheild yourself you have enough to deal with     xxxxx

WE WILL be mothers one day. WE WILL get there somehow. and when we do, we will be the best mums in the world.


----------



## kellixxx

Hello all my clomid friends im just sending you all BIG BIG     you all know who you are    


lots of love kelli


----------



## Clomidia

Hi all 
I've just joined and I love this thread, thanks so much for being so honest and true. I am both happy and sad reading your stories on here... 

As for my vent: 

  that I am now into my third year and 31st cycle and everything is supposedly perfect and we still can't get our bfp 

 that there are four babies due next year already, and my friends are now afraid to tell me when they are pg. HATE what IF does to me. 

 that even though I'm not on clomid this month it seems to have made my hormones crazy and I haven't stopped weeping since AF arrived (3 days ago) 

 that my mother thinks it's acceptable to tell me all about my sis's PG symptoms even though she KNOWS we are having IF treatment.  That one really hurts  

 that it is so so easy for some, and not for others. There are so many lovely women on here who deserve this so so much. 

Thank you for listening. Looking forward to getting to know you better 
Cx


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

One of our really good friends has got pregnant after about 3 years of trying and although I feel really happy for them, I also feel guilty for feeling sad that yet again it isn't us.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

to you all x


----------



## NuttyJo

not being wanted by the one person who i love the most in the whole world


----------



## Avon Queen

clomidia -"  that my mother thinks it's acceptable to tell me all about my sis's PG symptoms even though she KNOWS we are having IF treatment.  That one really hurts" ......thats soooo insensitive, really feel for you. it must be heart breaking, i felt your pain reading your post,      . i think mums (potential grandmas) can be hard to deal with sometimes. my mum seems to think im having twins because im having ivf and that its some kind of miracle. no pressure then    

i just feel so empty inside after my miscarraige it was 2.5 years ago and no pregnancy since     my baby would have been 2 in January


----------



## Clomidia

avon queen, that's so sad, feel awful for you too 

And as for mothers, well sometimes you just want to   
Mine thinks I'm having twins too because a _fortune teller _ told my sister so 

MrsDibbles, Jo      
I feel your pain and wish I could take it away from all of us


----------



## chocolateellie

Clomidia-- boo for mums beinf insensitive... that really stings sometimes. Don't you just want to scream, "Shut up about it already!"


----------



## LAM

What really annoys me is my sisters comments she is currently preg with 3rd....

However worst than that is my granmother is convinced it is me who is expecting..... fat chance at the moment.

Well having a clomid free month and feeling much better for it.

Roll on Thursday when school finishes for the holidays.

L


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Feel sad today .. I knew it would hit me sooner or later but it has taken me by surprise today; I am sat here with tears streaming down my face, with carols on in the background; I remember praying last Christmas that by this one I would be pregnant or have a baby as I have done for many Christmasses but it wasn't to be and this has to be one of the hardest years of my life .. each hope.. each disappointment.. gutting .. heart wrenching .. disappointment that takes your breath away - last year I thought well early days on this treatment give it a chance so by this year you feel you should be used to it but somehow each one is deeper and more breathtakingly painful ..I pray that there is a life with children in it for me, I know that it might be a life already born ..I have so much love in my heart .. that thats ok ..because the thought of any child anywhere feeling unwanted and unloved breaks my heart .. so maybe that is the plan for me .. this week is going to be so hard as I know that I cannot put myself through any false hopes with treatment; I wish I was stronger and could go through another year like this one but I can't so unless it is a real chance of success I will be regrouping and applying to adopt.. 

I am off out today with friends and their kids including my god-son who I adore.. so I pray that I can stop crying enough to watch the Christmassy film we are all going to see. 

Merry Christmas one and all x
Cat x


----------



## linlou17

not feeling too good received text message last night form girl at work to announce she had given birth to a baby boy   ever since this girl found out she was pg ive felt as though she was rubbing my nose in it at one point i thought we may have become friends she has pcos and endo and when she decided she was going to try for a baby with her (womanising!) boyfriend she seemed to confide a bit in me as she knew we was ttc. the first month she was pg!!! form that moment on she changed i thought that she understood me but obviously not we had to go together delivering things around the local clinics and she choice that day to be the day she told everybody her news!! 10 times i heard her tell all of our work colleagues in 1 morning by lunch i had had enough and went home ill and broken hearted.  since then the times i have seen her she never asks how i am just goes on and on about being pg she never even mentions the baby is just all about herself, she and her bf have split up and its not fair here i am with a wonderful dp a nice home already and waiting for our family to be complete and then she texts me the the day she has baby!!!  oooh this ttc is so hard     almost too hard but if it works i would be the happiest person alive


----------



## Avon Queen

oh linlou, its so hard, i know. what a complete *****. thats all you need a week before xmas a ruddy text with that news. we are better people for going through this experience, its a valuable "life lesson" and you know youre gonna do it chick, try not to be so sad, were all behind ya


----------



## Avon Queen

linlou " a complete woman" wasnt what i said but was abusive so FF has ammended!!!!


----------



## Avon Queen

to wouldlovebabycat

lots and lots of


----------



## NuttyJo

cat i hope the appointment goes ok for you, i really do  

linlou   sorry for that horrid woman being like that with you   they really dont have a clue do they


----------



## linlou17

avon and jo thanks for the posts xx


----------



## Bibi

Is there no justice in it all!! An old friend who I havent had any contact with for ages, emailed me today to tell me that they've just had their 7th, yes 7th!!, baby.

I havent emailed back yet as I'm not sure I'd write the right words. 

Why is it so hard for us and yet so easy for so many others

Sorry to moan, its just pants.

Bibi x


----------



## linlou17

7 did you say 7 my friend is on 5th thought that was bad to deal with!!!!

bibi its so hard i dont get it how people get pg so easy its a hard job and as there are only a few days per cycle to conceive and so much other stuff to consider its a wonder so many manage it!!!! when they are not even trying or thinking about timing and diets and stuff its not fair my life is built around this dream


----------



## Clomidia

(((Hugs))))  linlou, wouldloveababycat, Bibi... I know only too well how sad you feel, we have to take each day as it comes... 

I am trying hard to be positive. Sending you lots of  
I made biccies today to cheer myself up... every little helps  
C
      

oh, and avon lady, I think I know what you were trying to say!


----------



## chocolateellie

Bibi- sheesh, 7?!!? 

These things are really hard, sometimes.  

Clomidia-- wanna send me some of those biccies? Hehe. I should bake my own.

I wish I wasn't so hopeful about Christmas miracles and all that... I should know by now that stuff doesn't happen to me.


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

PMA   Chocolateelie. I know exactly what you mean though and sometimes we all just want to put two fingers up to it all don't we. Try not to get too down, your not on your own sweetie


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Mrs Dibbles your Cat is gorgeous he looks like mine huge !


----------



## linlou17

af came and have started clomid today and am already crying (think that has more to do with af than clomid as only popped the pills about half hour ago!!) but i find it feels so much more intense when im taking clomid i really really pray that it works this time i dont know how i will cope with the stress of IUI/IVF please please please i just want to be a mummy

heres hoping for lots new year BFPs for the clomid girls   we all deserve this soooo much


----------



## Clomidia

linlou, thinking loads of positive thoughts for you hun      
Sorry to hear you're upset, be very kind to yourself, have choccy, vino, whatever you fancy... take it easy 
chocolateelie ... I've a few biccies left! They are from a Nigella recipe I have, always v popular! 
Wishing for Christmas miracle for you x

How are all you other lovely ladies? A week til Christmas!! Can't believe it's nearly here!

As for me, I am now a week into my [31st] cycle so finally stopped crying - well, almost! I welled up today when a friend told me she thought I was amazing for dealing with all this so well - oh if only she knew!! 
I usually Ov around day 11-12 on a natural cycle, so we are gearing up for a busy week or two. Well, as soon as DH gets home, he is away for a couple of days this week 

Must go and try to finish an essay that's overdue .... I finish work tomorrow but will probably be working on this essay all day Weds... after that I can't wait to finish my Christmas shopping and hopefully - finally - get into the Christmas spirit! 
Cx


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

wouldloveababycat said:


> Mrs Dibbles your Cat is gorgeous he looks like mine huge !


This isn't a picture of my cat its the one off the board!!!! I keep trying to get a pic of my cat on but it doesn't work. I have been told the picture is too big (like the cat! ) My cat does look like this though and his name is Bruce. He loves the Christmas tree and sparkly lights that we have in our house at the mo


----------



## Bibi

Hi all,

its over for me for another month.............I say month, af arrived today, day 24 so early. I knew it was over though as I couldnt stop crying last night especially when I had to sit through a carol service with 2 pregnant women next to me  

Good luck to you all for next year and for those who are still hoping for this year  

Bibi x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Bibi hunny   sorry AF got you and the pain does seem more intense at this time of year let alone being surrounded by two pregnant women bless you ..   I pray 2008 will be your year hunny x            
Cat x


----------



## katylou

Bibi
I wish I was less sensitive  
I had a really difficult review meeting at work today, and my boss was sympathising with a parent about how hard it was to raise children, and gestured to her depute and the ed psych saying we knew how hard it was and there were another two mums in the room.  She knows about my tx too! I looked at my feet and couldn't concentrate for the rest of the meeting  
Katy x


----------



## linlou17

katylou     people are so insensitive and when they know you are ttc you would think they would think before opening their big mouths!! ooh these kind of people make me so mad   they have no idea the effect their words make sorry you had such a bad day huni take care and get some pampering  

L x


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I have just opened two Christmas cards both of which were pictures of other peoples children. Obviously very sweet but pretty heartbreaking when both sets of parents know that we are trying for children.       I think maybe I will send a card back with a picture of my clomid packet on it!   I do feel happy for these people and I know its not done maliciously but sometimes you just feel people are rubbing your nose in it.


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Sending you  sweetheart
We got one, one year with our friend's scan pic in it  tears you in two doesn't it 
Take care my lovely
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## NuttyJo




----------



## linlou17

ah mrs dibbles   how thoughtless of those people, you are right its not done malicously but it hurts just the same xx


----------



## Avon Queen

mrs dibbles

how very insensitive. i cant believe they would do that, i would be livid if that happened to me. people do tend to show me baby pictures as they know i like babies and i do, but it hurts. but to send inside xmas card, how cruel.its like sending someone in a flat a pic of your mansion - people need to have a little thought.


----------



## MandyL

Hi ladies...  My first post in this thread...  I can't stop bloody crying!  I don't know how to get through Christmas with people who don't know we are TTC and not be able to explain why I burst into tears every half hour for no reason...  I'm not even sad or upset about anything but the Clomid has just messed me up so bad!  Last night DH joked that he should go sleep in the dog kennel and send the dog up to bed with me.  But we ended up laughing our heads off and reconnecting so that is good.  I'm just so scared that I will be super *****y or crying all the time during all our events.  We have 4 different get togethers over the next 3 days...  Plus I'm so bloated and in pain and I don't know why all this is happening to us.  And the worst time of year to be so moody and messed up.


----------



## Crazy Fi

Mandy I have pm'd you


----------



## ccoombes

Just got back from my moms, my niece and nephew just laid out mince pies and sherry for father Christmas and carrots for the reindeer.  that was so hard... it should be us and our little one.  when will it be our turn


----------



## wouldloveababycat

I pray 2008 brings you your dream hunny        
Cat x


----------



## Avon Queen

ccombes

i know just how you feel, its just horrendous spending xmas day without a child, mine would have been 2 years old in Jan 08. thinking of cancelling it next year and going away to the coast on our own like my mum. just dont think i can do it all again EVER until it involves my child. and you have to be so ruddy jolly and polite and not to mention bored senseless!! thank god its over now and we can make some emergency purchases in the sales!!


----------



## linlou17

my pregnant cousin is home and mum called today and told me how wonderful, really well she looks, suits being pg !! my mum is so wonderful but she does not realise how much these things hurt and would be so upset if i told her  

christmas just multiplies the pain everywhere are happy families with children think we will go away next year too if still no luck as i am finding it so hard

big       to you all

L xx


----------



## Crazy Fi

I know it doesnt help the here and now   ... but I really hope the ladies in painful waiting, will soon b in the shoes of the ladies we know either with child or bump now, those who know only too well the frustrations of despair and the unknown, before their dreams  came true, so lets allow their fulfilled dreams to give hope to all.... And I pray there will be many BFP's for you all for 2008


----------



## Avon Queen

linlou17 said:


> my pregnant cousin is home and mum called today and told me how wonderful, really well she looks, suits being pg !! my mum is so wonderful but she does not realise how much these things hurt and would be so upset if i told her
> 
> christmas just multiplies the pain everywhere are happy families with children think we will go away next year too if still no luck as i am finding it so hard
> 
> big    to you all
> 
> L xx




hi linlou

just sent you long reply and when tried to send it said my time had run out and its deleted it all ahhhhhh

i would just mention casually to your mum that when people talk about babies/pregnant women to you it upsets you - you could make it sound like you are speaking about other people. any scenarios that happen eg woman brings in child to work etc always make a note of telling her about it and how it made you feel - she wont know unless you tell her and it will stop further hurtful conversations.

i can imagine your heart sank and tears welled up in your eyes when she said that, i think we all know exactly how you felt and its not good. its worse coming from your mum as well as they can put alot of pressure on you without realising it

best of luck in 2008 linlou & i hope your dreams come true


----------



## linlou17

thanks avon queen think i will do that, i am not looking forward to seeing my cousin (much as i love her) but she can be a bit self obsessed and is apparently up and down telling people that she has a "designer bump" i feel like screaming THEY ARE ALL DESIGNER BUMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAARRGGHHH!!

popping down to mums soon and will try and mention how i feel, thanks for the support

best wishes and lots of luck to you in 2008

L xx


----------



## linlou17

whoops think it came out wrong my mum mentioned my cousin is to be at party tomorrow night and i said "oh god i dont think i can cope with her at the moment!" and just ended up sounding like a jealous bi**h!! which im not its just she has no tact im happy for her but at the same time i dont want my nose rubbing in it!!!


----------



## wouldloveababycat

hunny


----------



## linlou17

thanks cat, i can cope with most pg people some of my mates are expecting and i get involved without being upset its just the tactless ones i cannot cope with. i will try my best tomorrow and just hope she keeps it


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Yes some people you just get this urge to slap   good luck hunny


----------



## linlou17

cheers think i will need it although im feeling more able to cope than last week, it was a bad week last week think im still getting used to being back on the clomid. i hope its all ok as me my sister and cousins are all close i dont want to feel like this about her but she says things without thinking and is not deliberately hurtful but hurtful all the same

L x


----------



## wouldloveababycat

I think sometimes if we cannot avoid the situation then honesty is the best answer cos we assume that people are sensitive and in touch with how we feel when really they havn't a clue - so be honest with her if she comes out with something insensitive and say I am really happy for you but... and explain how you feel.. you are only human hunny and she would feel the same as you if in your position. 

Cat x


----------



## linlou17

thanks cat she Will probably ask how im getting on so think i will just say that things are hard at the moment and dont want to think about it and bring a downer on the party hopefully she will understand. i know we cant expect people to know what it is like when they have not been in this situation but i do expect they understand its difficult and upsetting they just dont know how much


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Linlou, hope things go OK at the party. Big hugs to you     I must admit both myself and DH are feeling sorry for ourselves tonight as we have just found out that my friend gave birth to her 2nd yesterday, and my husbands friend's partner had their 2nd just before Christmas. The realisation has set in that we have been trying since both couples had been expecting their first. I know its the wrong thing to do but we are steadily making our way through a bottle of port.     My God this journey is so hard sometimes. Love to all of you going through this and hope and pray for some   in 2008 xx


----------



## linlou17

thanks mrs dibbles and big   to you. i know its so hard a lot of my friends/family are having or have had babies and we have been trying the longest, its so unfair.  dont begrudge yourselves a tipple now and again it will help you to relax.

take care

L xx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Mrs dibbles and Lou

Really pray youll get your bfp's next year


----------



## Avon Queen

hi linlou

well, at least she knows now!! everybody knows "not to broach the subject of babies" with me because im so hormonal and theyre not sure what reaction they will get!. i normally tend to exit the room and avoid any future talk or even eye contact with women that get pregnant!! think about your needs not theres, i would, if at all poss, avoid that cousin of yours as much as you can, fake illness, anything, just avoid at all costs!! Its just too god damn painful


----------



## linlou17

i just wish everybody understood, i feel guilty for being difficult but sometimes the whole thing is too much. god i hope tomorrow is ok if she is too much to bear i will have to keep out of her way i pray that its ok. its not like i dont want her to be happy and enjoy being pg but im scared she will upset me infront of all the family she doesnt think before she speaks!! my mum was like " ooh dont be like that!" i just said well she is not very tactful about the whole thing!! im dreading new year all i want to do is spend it with dp and our dog at home alone but that is not going to happen


----------



## Avon Queen

ah linlou

i know you want her to be happy and you are pleased for her, of course you are, i was the same with a girl at work, i even went out and bought her baby girl some stuff. but i never discussed the baby with her and when she brought her to work she didnt bring her near me, so people can understand......its so difficult for you to deal with this, i really dont know what to say.....is there something you have she doesnt...maybe if she starts you could have a comment ready that would shut her up.......


----------



## linlou17

i wouldnt want her life as much as i would love to be pg i love dp so much and their lifestyle is so different to ours, i know i am lucky in lots of ways it would just be perfect and all our dreams come true to have a baby and be a proper family. we are so close and i think i can handle it if she isnt to much which she can be, her sister recently mc and she was not to tactful im just working myself up about it now and you know i love the girl to bits


----------



## Avon Queen

if her sister that mc will be there i would stand with her as you will be on similar wave length

i was looking on adoption websites today and my dh decided to advise me i was "obsessed" - always best to seem mentally stable!!

keep strong xxx


----------



## linlou17

yes i think i will if she is there im not sure she is going though!! ive told dp how i feel so he will look after me im sure - must try to act mentally stable at party if pos!!!!!!!

i was looking for a job the other week and fostering was advertised dp says its too early to think about that. but i think about all possibilities i simply want to be a mum


thanks for your support

L xx


----------



## Crazy Fi

Aww Lou, you and dp sound such a happy loved up couple, and I think its real sweet the way you have tried so hard to have the "one to one" + mutt time with him over hols.... hope it goes ok for you at party, your still so thoughtful for others feelings around delicate times, your a good un Lou.... lets hope Mr Stork isnt far away


----------



## linlou17

cheers fi my friend is always telling me that i must put me first more often she says there are 2 types of people the first duck when a ball is thrown at them and the second lot catch it!! she says im in with the second lot but its just the way that i am.

yes my dp is wonderful i love him so much, i had an awful relationship before and appreciate what we have every moment of the day he is my best friend and .. (ooh im getting all lovey dovey!) no but seriously i know he will always look after me whatever happens but its like a dream come true to be so happy a baby would just make it all complete


----------



## Avon Queen

hi again

yeah, ive considered fostering but the kids can be quite difficult and ive never looked after a child before, also, you have to give them back so im not sure how id cope with that if i got attached.

nothings straight forward is it? i always seem to have to fight for what i want!! I will def adopt if ivf doesnt work, and maybe even if it does as ive really come round to the idea

made me feel better looking at the pictures etc on the adoption sites because it made it "more reachable"

xxxxx


----------



## Avon Queen

ah linlou

my dh is lovely too, hes big and strong and honest, with a heart of gold and a wicked sense og humour, we are lucky ladies i guess! love is in the air, everywhere i look around, tada da da da....


----------



## Crazy Fi

I so so understand what you mean, after 17 yrs in a love less marriage and then into a very abusive relationship, I bless each and every moment with my DH who in the years weve been together has never once shouted at me,sworn or put me down, hes shown me what unconditional love is, and is also my best friend... ?When I think its not possible to love him any more deeply, my heart keeps suprising me.. so you mush away I totally understand where your coming from.... Mushy Fi   

Avon Queen , fostering must be so hard when you get attached, I agree .. my DH keeps suggesting it , but it scares me, especially after taking on x two children full time for two yrs then they were gone !! I really respect those special people who can make that commitment, its such a selfless act..


----------



## linlou17

we havent discussed anything in great detail but ages ago when we started to realised we were having probs ttc dp said he would not consider adoption/fostering but as time has gone on he has softened a little and when we saw that fostering advert we talked a little and i think he would go for it if we could not have our own baby. im just hoping the clomid works it seems as much as i can handle but we are on a 9-12 month IUI/IVF waiting list

L x

lol just read your 2nd post songbird!!!! ive got that song in my head now!!!!


----------



## linlou17

yes i was with an   since i was sixten he was 1st real boyfriend and i married him he treated me like dirt and i thought it was normal i was young and most of my mates did not have good guys in their life's. one day i had enough and left it was the best thing i had ever done i moved back to my mum and dads and started again. i met DP and it was instant  we were living together within 3 months (after all my saying i would not rush into anything!!) got our doggy a month later and then after 12 months began ttc and to this day it is still wonderful we get on so well and totally love and respect each other i could not ask for anymore in my man. mush enough for ya fi?!!!

avon queen im still humming!!! mmmm mm mm mmm mmmmmmmm


----------



## Avon Queen

dododo be dooo every second every sound.......!!! me too!

sometimes when you foster you can apply to adopt the child your fostering


----------



## linlou17

yes i have heard of people doing that im so scared to think of what we are about to go through if clomid does not work im so pinning my hope on those (crazy!) pills

l x


----------



## Avon Queen

yeah lets hope they work for you and you get BFP in 2008


----------



## linlou17

ooh that would be wonderful, i get excited thinking about that but i did this on first lot of clomid and was amazed the wonder drug hadnt worked all i heard when i told folk i was taking it was "my friend so n so took that and got pg" and when it didnt work i was gutted and got quite ill during this summer so i am trying my best to keep a level head this time and remember at least now we are on IVF waiting list so if it doesnt work at least we are a step closer

have you got  a date for treatment?

L x


----------



## Avon Queen

appointment feb 18th hiv testing and consent forms and learn how to inject myself and dh learns how to inject me. sounds wonderful!! then the treatment starts maybe march i dont know it depends on what they tell me feb 18th and that depends on my cycle

ive waited 10 mnths 2 weeks now for this appointment just 6 weeks left woohoo they have the funding for me - this is my one free nhs go


----------



## linlou17

ah i bet you are so excited i will keep everything crossed for you.

i thought you could have 3 goes on nhs or does it depend on your pct? we have just completed paperwork and sent it back i will have another read through paperwork we got sent but there was not too much info. they offer counciling though which my gp recommended but i will see how i go on i have picked up a bit since my bad do


----------



## Avon Queen

depends on your pct how many free goes you get and mine is only one unfortunatley

have a look on the internet your assisted conception unit at the hospital should have a website and it should give ya some info

i recommend you go to the councillor, it took me a year and i felt like a weight had lifted afterwards, never had counselling before and through the leaflets in the bin when i had the miscarraige but i shouldent have because i needed it - more than i thought

if you go and it does no good at least youve tried it, i cant recommend it enough, really, give it a try


----------



## ccoombes

AF arrived this morning     feel like ive let DH down again!   Here goes another month of crappy side efects and pill popping


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Ccombes   I know how you feel. I just feel so exhausted at the moment with this infertility journey. I don't know whether it is because we are under more pressure to have a good time at this time of year but I just feel I have had enough of all this c**p. I am trying to stay positive for the new year but then I remember that I said exactly the same thing last year. Day 34 of my 3rd cycle and still no AF but I know I didn't ovulate as my blood test was only 1.   Sorry to rant and rave but I will be glad when this year is over.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

Here here Mrs Dibbles it has been a rubbish year for me too .. lets hope 2008 brings us unexpected dreams come true             

Cat x


----------



## linlou17

cat, mrs dibbles and ccoombes   to you all

avon queen think i will try counseling as you said nothing to loose if dont gain anything from it, sometimes i feel like im ok and coping well but other days i cant cope at all


----------



## Avon Queen

linlou

yes, please try it,when i saw the counsellor on the phone to book the appointment her voice was so caring i nearly started crying there and then (in the loos at work!)!! went into the reception and there was only a few receptionists who didnt really make conversation with me which was what i wanted (there was lots of thankyou cards beind reception from her "patients") i just sat down on a sofa waiting ....then i picked up a book off the table for something to do and it had baby pics in of all the women who had been to her and had had a baby afterwards!! that was all it took, the floodgates opened and i was balling my eyes out in reception couldent even stop when counsellor came to pick me up!!! and cried through out the hour session and it all just came out, the poor woman couldent get a word in edgeways!! but when  i came out the feeling of relief was immence! its so much better than speaking to anybody close about it and having someone all to yourself for an hour and its all about YOU is just what you need



....look it may make you feel better so surely thats enough reason to try it xxxx


----------



## linlou17

avon queen you have convinced me i will definitely give the councilling a go and deep down i think i know that i really need if as i do sometimes find things hard to cope with.

after all my worrying my cousin was OK!!! think i had just got worked up about it and knowing what she can be like but it was fine so that was a relief i wont worry next time we meet

thanks again for all your support and happy new year all the very best for 2008 may all your dreams come true

L xx


----------



## Avon Queen

linlou

ah no problem sweetie, if it might help its worth it.

im going straight into see my counsellor after ive had my appointment in feb and taking dh this time which should be interesting!! Its making me more relaxed about the appointment cause i know any worries will still be fresh in my mind and i can ask her about it on the day


----------



## linlou17

i have sent paperwork off and waiting list is 9-12 months but next time i feel bad think i will go see councilor and get it all out! dont think would dare take dp though!!! good idea going straight after other appointment 

a lady a work with has said she will give me hypnosis for stress too so that may help, clomid for 4 cycles then review and still awaiting IVF


----------



## Avon Queen

yeah im not sure what dh is actually going to do. bet he doesnt speak a word!!! when i book with mine (last time i had a phone session) i rang up and her quickest space was a months time so cant always get in that fast with mine. she was the one who told me what was going to happen in the feb appointment which was fab

best of luck


----------



## linlou17

yes the girls at work are great ive got a hypnosis and a spiritualist both offering loads of support in different ways   im lucky to have their services to hand, work were going to offer me councilling as was quite emotional last time took clomid then suffered psoriasis but the councilor had been made redundant!! and i work for the nhs!!!!!!!!    but will be sure to make the most this time - every little helps n all!!!

L x


----------



## NuttyJo

I cant seem to shake this feeling of being all alone at the moment


----------



## angel83

Hang in there Jo.

It will all work out soon.....


----------



## ccoombes

for you jo, we are all here for you xx


----------



## Stalyvegas

Jo            
You are never alone, we are always here for you.

R
xxxxxxx


----------



## linlou17

jo we are all here whenever you need us

hope your doing ok

L xx


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Jo xx


----------



## Avon Queen

Jo        

1) due on my period and i was beginning to hope but i just KNOW its coming

2) work colleagues chats "yeah i think we will probably have a baby before we get married" and of course you will because youre all bloody normal apart from the exception sat in the corner who you havent involved in this conversation

3) women in staffroom asking babysitter to put baby on phone and talking loud baby talk over the phone. im trying to have my ruddy luch do you mind?

4) got home and have for some reason some swine has posted me a ruddy "childrens books"catalogue

aaaahhh


----------



## linlou17

AQ - what a day you are having hope you have taken it easy tonight


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## linlou17

forgot to tell you i spoke to my mum about things upsetting me i managed to do it in a round about way and explained i was worrying about seeing my cousin and that i get upset easily by the things people say when i know they dont mean to make me feel that way but i cant help it that its very sensitive subject with me and she seemes to understand.

sometimes the pressure to be "normal" is just too much for me 

L xx


----------



## ccoombes

just been chatting to someone from work who decided to tell me about someone she knows  who recently had an abortion (unwanted pg), now shes not sure if shes pg again and thinks she will probably just have another abortion........  Have these people not heard of contraception!!!!!!!      what we would do to fall pg just like that.....  

(hope no offence is taken to this)


----------



## linlou17

ccoombes can so sympathised with you i know of a girl like that as if its a form of contraception, do they simply not realised what a gift they have been given?

take care i know its hard to hear these things

L xx


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I agree. I do understand that sometimes there maybe situations that people find an abortion is the only option for them, but its that fact that it often seems to be done lightly which offends me.


----------



## linlou17

i dont understand why those babies dont get sent to families in waiting like us?


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## Avon Queen

hi linlou - yeah cracking day yesterday! Sounds bonkers (cause i am!) when i was in bed last night put hand on my swollen tummy and said in my hesd "if theres something in here, i love you more than anything in the world & please stay, if there isnt, then please can my period come" ...ive not had period since a 3 week long one in November (!!) and i was starting to go mad with it all....came on today! its the not knowing that kills me!
im glad you had that conversation with your mum, people sometimes have no idea theyre saying the wrong thing unless you tell 'em. Yes its hard to be "normal" with everyone and live your life when its anything but normal!! 

ccoombes/mrs dibbles -  someone at my work had an abortion and told me about it while at work and i cried myself to sleep for 3 nights. turns out i was hormonal anyway as was actually pregnant but i didnt know it. had miscarraige shortly after and she asked me "what did they give YOU?" "was it a tablet like mine" i was too upset to shout "its not the same a miscarriage and an abortion" but she then chatted to colleague saying her reason for abortion was "we dont have a flat" like it wasnt convenient or something. and she was 2 mnths pregnant and i didnt even get that far. also said once to me she had "child bearing hips" i think she was actually bullying me, looking back!! Its just soooo cruel and unfair


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## mrstrellis

<rant on>

I emailed my PCT today (Barnet) and asked about NHS funding for IVF. Don't really know why as IVF isn't really on my radar. They were amazingly helpful and sent me their criteria, which I meet.

And they have a 2-3 year waiting list, so if I were to go on it *now*, this second, I wouldn't get any tx until I was nearly 35, with the reduced success rates that brings, which doesn't strike me as a sensible use of resources.

I'm actually more annoyed about that than I would be if it weren't funded at all. 
<rant off/>


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## linlou17

mrstrellis   it may be a long shot but if you contact the hospitals they may give you a different waiting time than what the pct said, that is what happened to us we have been told 9-12 months as is routine but was told list was actually a lot quicker than that so we are hopeful it will be.  has IVF/IUI been mentioned as a next course of treatment? what supplements is dh taking?

AQ i dont know how you did not punch that woman how insensitive and i agree it is not the same at all there are some horrid people around the other week a girl i went to school with told me she had mc her 4th child and was glad as did not want anymore!!!!!  i could scream its not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## mrstrellis

linlou17 said:


> mrstrellis  it may be a long shot but if you contact the hospitals they may give you a different waiting time than what the pct said, that is what happened to us we have been told 9-12 months as is routine but was told list was actually a lot quicker than that so we are hopeful it will be. has IVF/IUI been mentioned as a next course of treatment? what supplements is dh taking?


The woman who emailed me said she'd asked the commissioners (whoever they be) and they confirmed the length of the list. However, the hospital itself are sending me a questionnaire and presumably they will then give me more info.

I'm not due IUI or IVF for a while, I shouldn't think (having an HSG if the Clomid doesn't work, then injections and ovarian drilling I suppose), but I thought it was worth checking now so we know whether it would be worth bothering with the NHS. And dh is on Pro-Seed and those new Sanatogen male supplements. I did however read in a back issue (2005) of the New Scientist that fewer than a third of UK labs provide reliable semen analysis, so if you don't get a great result it might be the lab's fault.


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## Shellebell

mrstrellis ~ My DH got a boarderline result originally (flagged by the lab) but when I had my apppoint the consultant explained he was not worried as DH had provided a bigger amount of fluid so the ratio that the lab look for was wrong.


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

It was quiet at work today so it was decided that two people could go home early. The decision was made that the two people with children could go. I was made to feel like a complete ***** for thinking that wasn't fair and suggesting that we draw names out of a hat. Felt like screaming "well its not my f***ing fault I haven't got children" Had to walk away and have now had a bit of a cry and cuddle with DH now I'm home


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## linlou17

mrs dibbles   its so unfair i can see what they were thinking but names in hat would have been the fairest way to do it

mrstrellis wishing you lots of luck its such a long process we have been trying 3yrs in april and will have been under cons for 2 years on 2nd lot of clomid at higher dose (100mg) and on waiting list at Manchester so looking at another year tops hopefully but it feels never ending. i dont think private IVF is an option for us as we cannot afford it which is sad and i think its terrible that it comes down to money.

keep me posted how you get on with tests and things

all the best

L xx


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## Avon Queen

mrs dibbles

its like being excluded from a special "gang" isnt it? theres women at work with kids, and young single women, then theres me sat with the gay men!

they do have to pick there kids up from school though i guess thats why they did it, but i of course understand why you felt it was unfair and felt excluded.

lots of


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## Avon Queen

linlou

yeah really wanted to slap her, but she ended up leaving work with depression not me im still there and strong and i wanted my baby. i wasnt strong enough to think of any clever comments back then, she really kicked me when i was down, and i'd never do that to anybody. hopefully Karma will sort this out one day!!!!

cant believe that woman said that suited her as she didnt want anymore! im speachless (for a change tee hee)


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## Avon Queen

mrs trellis

like the bum cheek shot by the way!!


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## linlou17

sounds like karma kickin in already AQ?!!!!

that woman who said that to me is a sad case her other kids are poorly looked after but why do these people keep getting pg its so unfair i have a wonderful dp and daddy to be he is so wonderful i have a home and parents who cannot wait endless love and ... well you know what i mean and some women treat being pg as a curse if only they knew?


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## Avon Queen

oh tell me about it. all i have to say to that is

kerry katona
britney spears

nuff said


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## linlou17

and these are "stars" it is a joke but those poor kids   

im on my soap box now!!!!!!!!


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## Avon Queen

yeah and all they think about is themselves, im not bothered about my career anymore and my breasts, quite frankly, can hang down to my knees, as long as ive got a kid i dont care!!


----------



## linlou17

i know who cares if we can be a mummy i keep telling my sis that after her diets to loose "baby fat!" i would gladly take it to have a baby x


----------



## Avon Queen

yeah you can always diet, it comes of eventually


----------



## linlou17

well diet for monday either way need to keep an eye on bmi for ivf

im guna be strict!!


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## Avon Queen

yeah its just tofu and dry bread for me


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## mrstrellis

Shellebell said:


> mrstrellis ~ My DH got a borderline result originally (flagged by the lab) but when I had my apppoint the consultant explained he was not worried as DH had provided a bigger amount of fluid so the ratio that the lab look for was wrong.


DH also didn't wait the requisite 36 hours. It was more like 12. Slightly funny explanation: he refused to take the sample to the hospital himself as he was too shy. So I had to take the morning off work (coincided it with a fun trip to my own GP) to go with him in the car and hand the jar over myself. I'd organised this in advance, he had forgotten, and so we ended up with a 12-hour sample. We then got stuck in traffic, so not only was the sample somewhat short, it was also getting on for an hour old and it was also a very cold morning.

I don't have 100% confidence in the lab results, as you might imagine. So far he's refused to let me look at a sample under my own microscope.


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## Avon Queen

mrstrellis

sounds like something out of a "carry on" film! when do you get your results?


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## linlou17

mrstrellis all the best with the results? ours have always varied form sample to sample. dp complains embarrassing i reckon they allwant to try bring the woman our tests are much more invasive!!!!!!!


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## Crazy Fi

mrstrellis

had a similar experience to you including the shy husband and traffic, if they had to go through half of what we di eh!


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## mrstrellis

My life often resembles a Carry On film, I have to admit.  

He has to retest before my next consultant's appointment, which is on 12th Feb (NHS).  

His count was normal, even considering, but apparently his motility is borderline.  And he will take the sample in himself next time.


----------



## LAM

We had problems with one sample.... but it had been put into a basket with loads of others.... who knows how long it was left before testing... following one was fine... we were told to make sure that when sample is taken in recieving person is aware of what it is and why it has been brought in so it can be tested/checked straight away.


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## linlou17

i dont believe what i heard today my friend had some people round to hers on new years eve there were some couples and their children and some of them sneaked upstairs taking drugs!!!  and one of them was pg i am so angry people like that dont deserve to be parents i am keeping well away i wont be able to bite my tongue its so irresponsible at anytime, especially when there are children around and definitely especially when pg. god im fuming and hurt what kind of people behave like that?

sorry for the rant but i am 1 pi**ed off linlou!!!!!!!


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## Stalyvegas

Liniou thats disgusting!!!!!!  I am not surprised you cant hold your tongue.


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## linlou17

they want reporting!!! i just cannot believe it, it makes me feel sick the thought that somebody so blessed to be pg could abuse their body like that dont they think past themselves and realise the harm they could cause to their baby and the drugs was on top of the booze and ****!!!!!!! its disgusting im ripping mad hope i dont see the selfish c*w anytime soon!


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## Avon Queen

linlou

they are the scum of the earth im not surprised at your reaction

when we are mums we will be good mums and we are good people and that stands for a lot

theyre not going to have good relationships with those children and they will come out worse in the end and it will be nobodies fault but there own


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## linlou17

AQ i know but it makes me so sad and its not fair here we all are waiting to be mums and we will be fantastic mums and cherish it always and these awful people get to have the babies its putting me off going to my friends and we have been friends for years but it seems we are not as alike as i once thought which is also sad for me


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## Mrs Dibbles

linlou


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## linlou17

thanks mrs dibbles i just cannot understand these people - they have the one thing i want most in the world and do not even realise how lucky they are


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## KaTiEE

Thought it might be different this time, but am sitting here in pain and in tears. I only enjoyed my BFP for two days before the pain started, and then the bleeding. Am hoping and praying that it isn't another ectopic pg, have a scan on thurs morn. All I can do is wait till then, hoping that the pain doesn't get worse and I need an emergency admission. So scared. Why is this happening to me


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## cleg

oh hunny lotsa   for you, sorry you have to go through this, let us know how you get on huinny, but only if your upto it in the meantime takecare + rest  

xxx


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## kellixxx

love kelli


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## Crazy Fi

Oh Katie

So sorry to hear your in this place right now,           were here for you hun x


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## wouldloveababycat

Katie   hunny so sorry pray that everything is ok .. a lot of people do have early bleeding so pray you are lucky hunny          

Cat x


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## linlou17

katie i am sending you lots of   and keeping my finger crossed for you hun, please take it easy and take care you know where we are

L xx


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## KaTiEE

thanks all of you, means a lot x  Wish I could be braver.


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## linlou17

katie you dont have to be brave huni xx


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## Stalyvegas

Sorry this is happenning, all our thoughts are with you.
R
xxx


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## wouldloveababycat

Hey hunny it is a scary place you are currently in so we would all be just as scared ..   all you can do is rest up hunny and we will all pray for a good result x
Cat


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## cleg

yes hunny never mind being brave you are going through a bad time, like Cat says alot of peeps have a early bleed then go on to have a healthy PG so i am praying you are one of them  

xxx


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## linlou17

yes my sister bled with both of her pg's and now has two beautiful perfect little girls. we are all hoping things will work out for you, rest as much as you can and take care x


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## Avon Queen

katie

im so sorry for your loss, it doesnt sound like an ectopic though from what youve said, ive had one of those too and i understand your fears....

lots of love to you at this sad time, lots of hugs


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## Shellebell

Katie ~ Loads and loads of     Hopefully it is just bubs snuggling in, there are lots of girls that have bleeding early on and go on to have a healthy pg. I sooooo wish you are one of them 

Shelley Xxx


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## katylou

Hey Katie    It's all been said before, but I hope it's just a wee "snuggling in" bleed.  
And I agree with Linlou, stuff being brave - just look after yourself,
Katy x


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## NuttyJo

Katie   praying that its bubs snuggling in like the girls have said  

you dont have to be brave


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## Avon Queen

katie

the girls are right, dont try and be brave the sooner you let it out the quicker you recover

thinking of you, hope you are ok


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## linlou17

not feeling too good today apart from having tummy bug we watched a film last night called "knocked up" and in dp words "not the best choice!" i am achy and feel like af is about to come and also the tears


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## NuttyJo

yep i hated that film too linlou   defo not the best choice!

and sorry yuou're feeling poorly   get better soon


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## linlou17

it was supposed to be funny?!!!


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## Shellebell

Ooo I did think about seeing that film and decided against it, sounds like I was right 

Linlou


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## NuttyJo

yeah, best avoided shelley! not unless you want to get angry that she had a one night stand and got pregnant straight away   

some bits were funny but defo not a film i would reccommend


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## linlou17

thanks shelly im glad ive stopped being sick but feel like af is on the way my back is aching and got af type pains   was so hoping clomid had worked this month

yes that film is best avoided its probably funny if you're not ttc, i never thought anything about it when i picked it up but once it started dp face just drained!!!

L x


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## cleg

's to you lin

xxx


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## Mrs Dibbles

Yep even the advert of that film annoyed me. Definitely will not be watching that one!!!


----------



## Avon Queen

hiya linlou

not the best choice of film, dont go punishing yourself watching stuff like that, its torture

sorry your a bit down, hope your feeling bit better now


----------



## linlou17

thanks AQ not feeling too good but at least im not being sick but have got constant pain down there and its making me walk funny!!!! eased a bit with pain killers now i just wish if af is coming it would  

L xx


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## cleg

L  's for you me dearie  

xxx


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## linlou17

cheers chuck

L x


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## linlou17

just been to the loo and spotting has started    

anyway dp has talked to me and this month will be a whole healthy month as it has been difficult to stick to it with xmas and stuff plus can hopefully have tracking scan and injection this month gota keep   . i love my dp

L xx


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## katylou

Linlou.  I'm sorry it wasn't your month.  Bless your dp, it sounds like he's being really supportive.  December's always a crappy month for taking care of your body for everyone.  It sounds like January is going to be a good chance for a fresh start with your scan and injection.  Fingers crossed for this cycle hun,
  
Katy x


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## Avon Queen

linlou

hiya, yeah i know its the not knowing that hurts. its so cruel. sorry you got period at least you know where you stand  

i pray it will work for you soon sweetie you so deserve it


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## NuttyJo

i want to shout at myself for being an idiot  

and so sorry about af linlou


----------



## cleg

Jo your not an idiot hunny  

xxx


----------



## Shellebell

Jo ~ You ain't an idiot hun   just a bit barmy like the rest of us  
Linlou ~ Are you still spotting hun  

Well I am fed up of being ill all the time. Having been dismissed a month ago for my sickness levels and being sick today I am worrying about what to do next


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## linlou17

shell lots of   to you

i only had one little spot and that was after wiping myself about a dozen times!!!! i thought i had a bit again last night but not sure if its just me going   but nothing in between cramping is easing off aswell   hope i dont have another 60 odd day cycle i will be so upset although the time i went so long i had a really bad psoriasis (never had before that) which was prob stress related and was not on clomid. i dont know what to do anymore! at least if af came i could look to the next cycle but im just waiting.....  

jo sweetie you are not an idiot xx


----------



## NuttyJo

linlou when are you going to test?   im getting nervous for you!


----------



## linlou17

im getting nervous to but trying to enjoy my birthday with out stressing too much over af situation as its my first month back on clomid so maybe that is effecting me. my last 3 cycles have been 32-36 days so was thinking not to test before day 37 (monday i think) as i just hate testing i have a bit of a phobia of them!!!!

how are you jo?

L x


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## DougalsTwin

Sorry peeps – this is a long one but I need to get it off my chest…

We went back to see the specialist in early December (and we have officially been put on the waiting list for ‘assisted fertility’) The doctor (who I couldn't even understand) wrote me a prescription for clomid. I have to admit his hand writing was atrocious.

After taking a month’s worth of the tablets I have found out tonight that the drugs I am taking are wrong. They're not clomid. The pharmacist couldn’t read the writing and has given me the wrong drugs and I've been taking ANTIDEPRESSANTS instead.

After speaking to my Sister in Law (a GP) she confirmed it. 
I'm FURIOUS...
a) I've wasted two months of possible baby making
b) MORE IMPORTANTLY - the drugs could have potentially killed me !!!

ANTI DEPRESSANTS !!!! HOW MUCH DIFFERENT CAN YOU GET ?
No wonder I've been up and down like a yoyo!

I went to the Pharmacy and by that point I’d calmed down. I stated the facts, and the fact they could have killed me. There was no point going mad, unfortunately the pharmacist concerned wasn't in. 
They're launching a full investigation via their head office.
They’ve now given me three month’s worth of Clomid (which they should have given me in the first place!!!), but I couldn’t get in till day 3 of my cycle (so that’s that one missed…
I had to hand in the wrong ones, but before I did I got a copy of the label and the packaging and the blister pack as well as the Managers name and contact details.

The Pharmacist concerned rang me the day after. Said he’d ring both GP and hozzie for me, asked me what side effects I’d had and told me to make an appointment to see my GP. Took him 8 minutes to get all that out and right at the end I got a ‘yeah – sorry about that’ off him. I was that mad I slammed the phone down. THAT IS ALL THE APOLOGY I HAVE RECEIVED FROM HIM...   

So I went to the GP and it turns out the Pharmacist HADN’T called them (I check with the hospital and he HAS rung them). My GP is totally and utterly gobsmacked. He’s told me that the surgery will hold it’s own ‘enquiry’ on how it happened. He’s also told me to ask to see the head honcho when we go back in June to the hozzie. 

He was brill about it – and he’s put my mind at rest. The tablets they had given me are ‘old school’ antidepressants. He told me what side effects I had (rather than maybe have had). 
The drugs will not affect my hormone levels and being off the clomid for two months will not affect the levels either – thank crunchie.

My GP has told me to put a formal complaint in, so I’m currently trawling the net on how best to go about it. He’s told me to hang on for a week or so to see what the pharmacy come back to me with.

You know what docs are normally like for getting you in and out of the door – I was in there half an hour. He was very thorough, getting copies of the drug labels etc that I’d copied.

Breathe breathe… told you I needed to spout off….


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

Oh my God I have just read your post. That is terrible v. shocked. All I can say is thank God you found out before you took them for too long. Make sure they don't fob you off, you deserve much more than an apology.


----------



## linlou17

douglas twin im gob smacked i cant believe they messed up like that you poor thing i would make an official complaint the effect could have been so dangerous hope that you are hun


----------



## cleg

douglas twin 1stly would like to say i am glad you are OK   they could have caused serious damage + i hope that this issue is brought to full attention   silly people if he knew that the note wasnt clear he should of just assumed  

i am glad that your GP has proven to be of help + that he let you take your time (thats what they should all be like in a perfect world  )

just glad you werent more severily affected  

xxx


----------



## mrstrellis

I fell down the stairs last night and wrenched my shoulder. I visited the GP today because I can't move my neck. She said I would be OK and was about to prescribe some anti-inflammatories, when I said:

"There's an outside chance I might be pregnant."

So she flat refused to give me any painkillers, and paracetamol really isn't helping! Boo.

Because I'm only 9dpo, she said a test wouldn't be any use either.


----------



## wouldloveababycat

dougalstwin ..that is shocking hun .. my Mum's Drs Surgery gave her lots of wrong drugs prescribed for someone else with the same name so it is scary how easy it is for it to be happen.. bless you not a nice experience but glad you are ok .. good luck for the clomid,  

Mrs Trellis ..Ouch you have been in the wars.. lets hope that you get a BFP then the sore bits will be all worthwhile x


----------



## angelus

Dougalstwin....Had a similar situation with my nieces epilepsy medication and the best advice i can offer you is if you are in aposition to..then please seek legal advice as this is very serious and the ramifications of whats happened could be long term. xxx


----------



## mrstrellis

dougalstwin - I'm absolutely stunned by your story. I thought it was the pharmacist's job to double check the Dr's prescriptions, not interpret the Dr's bad handwriting according to his own instincts!

I hope it hasn't set you back too much, and please let us know what happens re the investigation and complaint.

PS: I *have* been in the wars. My car broke down, my cat had diarrhoea, it's been raining...


----------



## Guest

Douglastwin - I am really shocked by your story! Just glad that you are okay   such mistakes can be so dangerous. Good luck with your next cycle!

Mrstrellis - hope your shoulder feels better soon   and hope it's a bfp this month, which will be worth it. I'm on day 21 now, and I have a stonking cold since yesterday - I'm so paranoid about taking medications in case it had worked that I only took 1 paracetamol last night ...

Rivka x


----------



## Mrs Dibbles

I have just done yet another pregnancy test even though I know its going to be a BFN after my very strange cycle ( I am now on day 57!) and in my haste I peed on the wrong bloody bit so the test didn't work at all!      In a way, if it wasn't so upsetting it would be quite funny really. Some times I think my life is like a comedy act!


----------



## cleg

for you hunny, so frustrating  

xxx


----------



## Avon Queen

mrs dibbles

hey we may as well just **** in the wind


----------



## linlou17

AQ lol  

mes dibbles i have had a cycle like that it was 62 days in total (u was ill at the time and i put it down to that for being so long) but i did so many tests the doc did some as well all bfn (obviously) and then the   finally came so i know how frustrating it is and send you a big   im hoping im not the same this cycle its my first month on 100mg of clomid and my last three cycles were 32,34 and 36 days im now on day 39 and no af did pg test day 37 bfn   i wish if im not pg af would just come and then we can start towards our next cycle its like being in limbo

L xx


----------



## cleg

's linlou

new home this way ladies

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=126306.0

xxx


----------

