# Why is this so hard!!!



## Cookie987 (Nov 16, 2009)

Hello, 

Two days ago I got  BFN after my ivf, and was devastated  (still am  ) then yesterday my sister inlaw told me she was pregnant!!!!!!aarrhh!!!!! Why does this have to be so hard! xx


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hi Louise832,

So sorry for your BFN. It really sucks.  I wrote this post after my 3rd BFN, hope you know that you are not alone.

Dee

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Just wanted to put a few thoughts down in words to try to support/encourage anyone else who might have gotten or will get a BFN in the next few weeks.

I think that I am lucky to be blessed with an upbeat, cheerful, optimistic outlook and before I embarked on this IVF journey, I tried to make sure that I understood the actual chances.

The statistics have to be taken notice of and I was aware going into this that 72% of women in my age group (3 are unsuccessful at IVF. 


I decided that I would not allow myself to feel like any kind of failure/disappointment if it did not work for us. The more I thought about 28% success rates, the more I felt that it was a great number, but I have to think that it was always more likely not to work. Would anyone here back a horse that was 72% likely to lose a race? (I know its a rubbish analogy, but it's the best I have today).

I have to now accept that this cycle has not worked, but what are my choices? 

Do I lock myself in a darkened room and let myself cry and howl and feel absolutely depressed and down? 
Do I push my husband away and not allow his sorrow to hep me recover? 
Do I cut myself off from my friends who have children because I can't cope with them? 
Do I allow all my anger and frustration to colour my view of my life and kill all enjoyment or happiness until I have my baby in my arms. 

What will happen if I let that happen?

Will my clinic ring me and say that they've made a mistake and that I am actually pregnant. Of course not and by allowing myself to soak in misery and heartbreak, who will I actually be hurting?

Or course I'm going to allow myself some time to heal, feel a bit stronger and maybe enjoy a beer or two. When I feel stronger, only then will I allow myself back on this crazy journey again.

I'm not saying that I don't care, of course I do, but I have to be realistic about the chances of success and I'm not going to let my life be destroyed by infertility.

Where is it written that we all get what we want in life? Maybe a great husband, a nice home, good friends and a lovely, supportive family is what I get? I have to appreciate what I have and enjoy my life.

If I have a baby some day, it has to be an enhancement to my life and I can't live a half existence waiting for my life to start when I get a baby. 

On a positive note, I now know that I my body responds well to the down regulating drugs, that my DH and I can create 'viable' embryos and most importantly we can get to the stage of transfers. How many unfortunate ladies even here on this site never even get to the transfer stage and face abandoned cycle after abandoned cycle? 

Best of luck to everyone starting the process and to everyone who is waiting to test in the next few weeks


Massive hugs to everyone here, who march towards motherhood, like a silent army. Keep the faith and our time will come.


Ding ding, bring on round 4!!!!!


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