# Its suddenly hit me again



## smeghead (Jul 2, 2007)

I really don't know if this is the write place for this post, but I'm sure it will get moved if not.
We finished our IVF rollercoaster journey last November 2008 after 3 failed attempts and I really thought I was coping admirably but it has suddenly hit me after 6 months post treatment that we are going to be a childless couple for the rest of eternity.  
I know this sounds so selfish, but who will be there to look after us when we are old, who will be at our funerals, we will have no grandchildren.  My husband will have no Fathers Day cards given to him by his children.  There will be no family picnics, no family holidays.  
How can I go on. I don't feel I can cope with this sadness any longer.
I work in an environment were there are numerous people who are pregnant (female orientated workplace) and it seems just to be constant.  The flippent comments that are made about how it happened by accident etc.  
I know we are not alone in our situation but in times of darkness it does feel like no one else knows what we are going through.  I just want to curl into a ball and never surface to tackle the world ever again.

I am so sorry for the depressing post but thats tha place I am at at the moment.

Lou x


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Lou 

So sad to read your post but wanted to let you know youre not on your own love.

Come and join us on http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=194946.60

Im a bit of a slacker on there atm but im a bit of an emu at present and have the same thoughts you are having about future life and what it holds 

The girls on there i have found an inspiration and i hope one day i too can be in the position of accepting the way our lives have to be and move forward. I have got 4 babies being born in the family this summer and although im delighted for the parents to be - it just highlights the fact that i wish it was us 

Big hugs to you - you are definatley not on your own hun.

Love

Debs xxx


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## Sue74 (Feb 26, 2009)

Lou- didn't want to read and run, sending you


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi Lou

I hope that you are feeling a bit better.

Dont be hard on yourself , these feelings are natural and I also can relate to them, people dont understand the loss with IVF when its not successful unless you have experienced it yourself.

Try and be kind to yourself, i am going onto my 4th and final attempt as no cash left and today I wrote goals that I want for me such as further studying, travelling, girlie weekends away, fix garden and some DIY at home. It made me think that my dream is to have kids but as this is my final shot it may nevr be me which is very hard to accept but i need to stay away from the black hole i was in when my first IVF was negative as i became a differnmt person and nearly lost my marriage and i dont want to go there because it was very hard to leave that dark place but i was so alone at least now i have other things and dreams along with having children.

There are good days and bad days just try and let yourself cry and talk to s friend/partner about your worries.

take care

jen


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## smeghead (Jul 2, 2007)

Thanks for the replies girls.

There are days that are better than others and I do try to see that we are thoroughly gifted to have each other (and of course the pooch).  We don't want for anything except what we are unable to have! I do cry at times, but try to be strong. I have others in my work who are going through similar, and it is nice to talk.  I also had another good friend who was going through similar but she now has a baby son and I am a totally forgotten person which does hurt.
Jenny my fingers and toes are crossed that you achieve your dream.

Thanks again 

Lou x


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi Lou,

keep you spirits up hunny, it is hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel as the pain will ease eventually.

Remember and let yourself cry as its a loss and it hurts so so much and crying will help let your feelings out, as if you bottle all the thoughts up it may lead to you feeling alone which your note, you have good things in your life its just sometimes you cant see the wood for the tress.

hope you are feeling better.

jen xx


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Lou

I am sorry for everything you have been through - this whole IF nightmare is so unfair - and to have to hear other people flippantly talking about "accident" pgs or the friend who was close to you because you shared the pain of IF and now she has a son and you are "forgotten" - all of this only adds to your pain, and so it is not surprising that you feel the way you do. Don't worry that it is hitting you again 6 months later - you are grieving for the loss of the family you so crave, and there is no time limit on grief. Those who have not experienced the hope that IVF gives only to be snatched away cannot truly understand what it feels like, but I have always found that on FF there is always someone who can empathise, so keep talking and sharing your feelings with us - we will try and help.

I can share your feelings of grief - we are currently trying to come to terms with our loss - and I also had a friend who went through the IVF process several times, yet when she had her daughter she now focusses her attention on her other friends with children - she lices overseas and when she comes over here she  extends us an hour or so of her time, and then spends whole weeks with other friends who also have children, and we feel so left out.

I am glad that you have good days where you appreciate your DP and pooch, and I really hope that you can keep healing and getting stronger - we at FF are here for you when you have the low times.

Nbr 68xxx


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