# Clomid, TTC and people telling me to relax!!



## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

Hi

I'm not really after any advice just some support il start by giving you a background about me...

I am 27 and have been married just over a year and we have a beautiful 18 month old basset hound who is my furry baby with four legs.  My husband is In the army and I love my husband more than anything in the world he is my best friend as well as my lover. The past yea air has been hard for both of us we were married two weeks later moved into married quarters which are along way from my parents a good two hour drive (good news is they have just bought a house 9 miles away from us so I can see them a lot more and have their support when my husband is away). Any two weeks after we moved husband was sent away for a month then he was back for a few weeks during that period I had a pretty bad car accident, someone drove out of a junction straight into my car. Anyway luckily I got away with just bad whiplash and mild anxiety while driving which I still get sometimes now, my husband was amazing at dealing with the practical side he sorted the insurance out and recovery of my car etc and sorted everything with the police after I had given my statement. He's not so good with the emotional side I think it's being in the army. In his head and in his own way he did everything he could to be supportive at the time he didn't understand that I needed him to hold me and let me cry, he says I shouldn't let bad experiences cause me to be a victum and I need to be strong. So I did just that. Anyway he was then sent away for 10 weeks and because we had been trying for a baby for over a year I decided to see GP. The GP referred me for tests straight away which I went through all on my own the hsg, blood tests and ultrasounds at the time I didn't think anything of it but now I realise I needed him there I don't hold him being in the army against him I understand why he couldn't be there. 

I should mention before DH went away he had a SA numbers were fine but some we're slow and some abnormal. Due to smoking mainly, he Aldo enjoys hot baths and at that point he was drinking most weekends. 

Back to my results turned out I had a blocked tube with No way to unblock it needed to be removed so operation was booked in for December when DH was back. Had the op all went well and hubby was told to cut back smoking or quit all together and retest in feb this year. So we both gave up smoking for three weeks then smoked over the Xmas period and then we both cut down didn't smoke in the week only on the weekends. 

He was retested in February and his results had improved amazingly! So we were given clomid first round to start at 50mg. Had to wait for my period but this was a long wait as my cycles are really long. And we had a holiday in turkey so we were both smoking again. Anyway AF arrived while we were on holiday and so I started my tablets. 

Since being back we have both quit apart from one slip up when we were drinking over the bank holiday. I had my 21 bloods to see if the clomid had worked and my progesterone was 2 so it has worked. My dosage has been upped to 100mg I'm just waiting for AF to start currently five days late and no BFP so just my body being its usual self.

Since I had my bloods I have been determined to stay on the no smoking and I also read that a bmi over 25 can have a neg affect well mine is 29 so I have put myself in a diet and have started gentle exercise, slow jogging, swimming etc. my husband is still not smoking but won't agree to the no drinking (I have to add we don't drink every weekend anymore any way it's maybe once a month). My worry is when he will drink which he will at some point with army functions that he will start smoking again. He says I'm controlling and I control everything in our lives this is mainly because I put a stop to the constant weekend drinking I think. As I can't think of anything else aprt from the no smoking. 

Part of me feels upset that he feels like this and part of me feels unsupported in the whole TTC, as it was me who needed to have the intrusive tests at the start, it was me who had the op and it was me who has to have the drugs which have some fun side effects and put me on an emotional roller coaster. I asked him to give up smoking and drinking until I fell pregnant. Then when he complained about the drinking i said fine to it because it's army culture and also because it's only once or twice (max) a month.

He also said that I have changed over the past few months apparently I'm not the same happy carefree person I use to be. He says he loves me and that we are just going through a rough patch. But I'm so scared I will loose him he says I won't and that when said his vows he meant them and that if he didn't want to be with he wouldn't be. 

People keep telling me to relax which I know I need to do but is so hard when you are taking hormone tablets and also TTC. How do women relax? Phenomenon they are struggling to have a baby and it's the only thing they want in the world xxx


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## johnsdm1 (Sep 13, 2013)

Hiya, we're you placed on clomid because you don't ovulate. I'd just like to say that the NICE guidelines state not to place women on clomid if they don't have problems with ovulating. Or what they call unexplained infertility.

Which ever hospital you are attending should have a councillor available for you to speak to. When I go through my treatment and I know the majority of the ladies on here get offered counseling if they need it as trying to get pregnant can be very stressful! 

This is all new to you and it's perfectly normal for you to be  getting upset. 

When you get the chance you should sit down with your partner and have a proper talk otherwise tell yourself how you are feeling is normal. We are all going through it, some poor ladies on here have had it worse. 

If he can't make it to any appointments then maybe you could take someone with you for support next time.


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

No I don't ovulate, well they are not sure it's either I don't ovulate or I ovulate very very late in a cycle which is why I was out on clomid. I was not offered counselling at the clinic although was by my GP. I went once but didn't think the councillor was much help. 

I suppose I'm just trying to find out if what I am feeling is normal like you said. 

I know my husband loves me and tries his best. At the time of my appts I had no one in the area that could go with me but with my parents moving not far away il have my mum with me at any other appts.


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

Hey Gems 
I definitely know how your feeling with the  struggling to relax and just wanting to put my all into TTC. I'm on clomid too, so maybe we can be cycle buddies!? I agree with johnsdm1 that it would probably be helpful for you to have support at your appointment. 
Your definitely not the only one feeling the way you do, even though at times it feels like you are. I definitely feel like I'm the only one feeling like this at times but this forum is amazing and has helped so much. 
Lxx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

Hi 

Cycle buddies sounds good, what do I do lol sorry still new to the forums...

It is comforting to know I am not alone out there. I do feel so stressed sometimes and DH just doesn't understand he thinks it's cuz I just want a baby but it's also the whole pregnancy experience i want not just a baby. He has always said we can adopt which is amazing and I think I will even if we have our own baby. but at the moment I'm not ready to accept that we can't make something that is us if you not what I mean and for me to carry it for nine months...

X


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

We just kind of support each other through the cycle. Can do it in a thread or private message. Whichever way you would like. Yeah adoption is an amazing thing but I'm totally with you on wanting a baby of my own before that's considered. I had a massive argument with my partner last night about the treatment. I just feel like he struggles to support me and will just say it will happen in the future. Which doesn't help me at all. 
Xx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

My husband is exactly the same! He will never talk about it and if I get upset I get told that I need to chill out! He doesn't understand that women need to talk about things and sometimes we just want a hug lol! I'm still waiting for AF to arrive on CD 34 now! I don't even feel like it's going to happen any time soon. I don't think that first round of clomid had any effect what so ever! Xx


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

Yeah that's so true, sometimes we do just need to be held, but I think men struggle with that. I know my partner definitely does. That's why I find this forum so helpful because there is people to talk to on here that understand. Have you had any scans or blood tests done to see if you've responded? Have you done a hpt? Keeping my fingers crossed that this month is your month. 
Xx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

Yeah I had a day 21 blood test but my progesterone was only 2 so it hasn't worked or I ovulated a lot later in the cycle. I think it's just men in general find it hard to understand emotions x


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

Oh do you induce your periods if they don't show up? Hopefully it will show up naturally soon. Yeah I agree hun. Xx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

Usually it will show naturally with 40 days but I will ask dr to give me provera again if it doesn't show up soon xx


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

Yeah good luck hun. Hope it shows up naturally. Had my letter from hospital today to have my hsg. Xx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

I think they are going to have to induce again this month I'm almost two weeks late and no BFP. Really starting to F me off! Another pregnancy announcement from our friends that in total is 6 this year!!!


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

Sorry didn't realised you had replied, good luck with your hsg they are pretty uncomfortable take some painkillers before. X


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## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

I totally understand that as I don't have natural periods well rarely. Had one the first time I took clomid so thought I had ovulated and the clomid had worked. But when I saw my consultant she said I didn't respond to clomid 50mg. Yeah so many people I know seem to be getting pregnant. Upsets me  and on all the programmes/films I watch somebody is pregnant. 
How did you feel after the hsg? I'm dreading it. Hate any type of procedure, I'm a right wuss. Xx


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## GBissell (May 10, 2014)

I'm not going to lie I felt pretty rough, not ill but uncomfortable. It makes you a little gassy lol and it feels like bad period cramps. I went to the dr today I'm defo not pregnant and so they have given me drugs to induce my period again! Fingers crossed for a period soon and that the 100mg clomid works! I know this is really bad but I've sad to DH I can't face the BBQ we were meant to be going to this weekend as three couples are expecting including the one who has just announced it. I know I can't hide out avoiding people but I don't think I can't handle another oopsy pregnancy at the moment! They weren't even trying! Putting on that smile for ppl is very hard work, luckily my husband saw it from my side this time and agreed we wouldn't go. I am genuinely thrilled for my friends but it upsets me at the same time xx


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