# suffering homophobia- support needed at a really difficult time



## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Hi guys,

Its really as the title says. Its one of our neighbours, we live on a lovely road with everyone else being really friendly and we have a great sense of community. This particular neighbour has been causing problems in our neighbourhood for quite a while- loud music, swearing and abusing various neighbours at one time or another. It seems like it is our turn now! She has been verbally abusive to me in the street in front of Edie (loads of swearing and threats), she has attacked our property- banging on the windows and doors waking Edie up shouting obsene, homophobic abuse, she approached me yesterday and called me a pervert and I have also found out that she has been telling one of the neighbours about me being a pervert.

Each time she has approached me I have called the police- at first it was to log the abuse with no further action but after she approached me again yesterday, I ended up phoning the Police again who have been brill and said that they will arrest her for "Hate Crime" once they have got statements from us and our neighbours who have witnessed everything. 

I know that we shouldnt have to put up with this and naively thought that these days were in the past. It just takes one ignorant idiot to make your life miserable. We are thinking of moving, nervous of going into our own street and stressed to the eyeballs. It seems such a frightening step to have someone arrested and God knows how much grief it will cause- to be honest- it couldnt make things any worse.

To make things worse am having a really really tough time at work and all this badness has been happening during my 2ww, I thought I had coped with my BFN really well but now everything just seems to have blurred into one.

Any support that anyone knows that we could get with dealing with this- (besides the local mental health services for me).

I didnt know where to post this and thought there may be someone or knows someone who has unfortunately been through a similar scenario with a good outcome.

Also due to our current stress- we have put any further treatments on hold for now- this makes me so sad.

I am so sorry to ramble- my head is a shed right now,
Kerry


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## mintyfaglady (Aug 25, 2007)

Oh Kerry, what an awful situation for you (and Helen and Edie). And to be dealing with work stress, a TWW and a negative on top of it too.

From what you say, it seems like this person does move from target to target, so hopefully she'll focus her attention elsewhere very soon. Not that I want someone else to be getting it in the neck from her, but it does sound more like a pattern of general, indiscriminate abusive behaviour from her, rather than specifically aimed at you and only you, if you know what I mean.

You say she has targetted other neighbours previously? Could you talk to them? They'd be a good, nearby form of support. Also, your local police may have an LGBT liaison officer type person, who will have good experience of dealing with this kind of thing, and know of any local support available.

Hang in there. It must be really frightening but you're doing the right thing in pursuing it with the police - it's not like it was a couple of snide comments you could ignore - she's made you scared in your own home and no-one should have to put up with that.

Take care,
Minty
xxx


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## nickidee (Sep 16, 2007)

Kerry - I am really sorry to hear what you are going through and can totally understand how intimidated and threatened it must make you feel. 
I would strongly recommend that you contact an organisation called GALOP - an organisation that specialises in challenging homophobic and transphobic hate crime - which has a number of different resources including a helpline. Follow this link: http://www.galop.org.uk/helpline.html
I am not sure where you are based, but I know of a couple of organisations in London who provide support services and from whom you may want to consider accessing crisis support/counselling if this feels appropriate. These are Pace in North London (http://www.pacehealth.org.uk) and The Metro Centre in South London (http://www.metrocentreonline.org).
Am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
Nicki x


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## Victoria_In_London (Jun 25, 2004)

Hi Kerry

How awful - you must be so stressed out.

I used to work at Galop and they can help Londoners with exactly this sort of problem.  Even if you're outside London they might be able to advise you over the phone.  My knowledge is a bit out of date but they also have factsheets on their website.  The police have a lot more powers to deal with things like this than they used to but they're not always very proactive so you'll be in a stringer position if you arm yourself with plenty of information.

I hope it sorts itself out.

Love VIL
xxx


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## Alison0702 (Apr 7, 2006)

Hey

Really sorry that you are all having to put up with this shi* off this idiot. I havnt had this, and do absolutely dread it if it happens, especially with Christopher here.
It seems like you've had some good advice of the others, so hope it helps you. I feel for you as I cant even begin to imagine how stressful it's been for you.

If this twit has been abusive to other neighbours, maybe she will move on soon, but in the meantime, let the police sort her out..


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## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Thankyou all for your wonderfull replies, 

Feeling pretty low at the moment but am sure we will pick ourselves up and get sorted soon. We are in Birmingham but will try the links that you have all given us. We just feel so strongly that we want to protect Edie from all of this, our lowness has been really difficult to move away from but we have tried our best. When Helen was crying about this b*tch the other day, Edie gave her a big hug and told her "mummy put your tears away"- we dont need another mummy in this house! 2 is enough!!!

Have spoken to the Police again this evening and the Chief Inspecter is livid that this is going on and they have offered us any help that we need to support us through this. I just hope it doesnt end up in the papers because it would be hurrendous, I havent spoken to my mum in nearly three years and this is just not the way I want to start again- through the media. 

Our families are being great and we are going to a BBQ tomorrow and to my grandads 94th Birthday on Sunday so it will keep us occupied.

Have a good weekend everyone,
Kerry, Helen and Edie


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## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

Oh Kerry, how awful for you all. It must be so scary, and so threatening; it's terrible how you can be made to feel so vulnerable.

Sorry, I don't have any practical advice for you, but I hope that the suggestions above can help. 
Thinking of you all  

Just seen your message while I was about to post this; that's great that the Police are being so supportive. I hope that they can actually do something about the b*tch neighbour. 

Hope you get some respite this weekend with your family activities.


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Just wanted to send you a cyberhug

I am really glad you have reported this to the police - it is their job to deal with this harrassment, victimisation and anti-social behaviour. However, if the silly moo continues, you should also consider taking legal advice - a solicitor's letter might sort her out, but if not you can get an injunction to stop someone from harrassing you like this. Stay strong - don't let people like her upset you. She is to be pitied if anything. Hope you can enjoy your weekend. Hold your heads high and metaphorically stick two fingers up at her.


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Hello Kerry  

Thats just awful awful  . 

Very pleased to hear the police are being supportive. 
She needs to be careful. There are thousands of members on ff and the majority are hormonal   She could have taken on a lot more than she could ever realise!

Take care

Emma xxxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

my friend had a similar situation and lived in a flat the homophobic man on the ground floor and 2 gay couples in the top and middle floors - he used to steal the mail and interfere with the rubbish as well as the noise and verbal abuse. He was mentally unwell in transpired, but he was evicted as he was a council tenant- does this person own the property or is it rented?  I hope the police and neighbourhood officers can help.
L x


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

So sorry to hear what you're having to deal with.  Totally out of order and I hope the police take action so that not only do you not have to tolerate this anymore, but nobody else has to either.

Sending love and support to all 3 of you xxxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Kerry

I don't post on this board but just saw your post and wanted to send you a big  because what you're going through sounds awful.

Don't worry about this person being arrested, you aren't having her arrested she is going to be arrested due to her own behaviour.  Everyone's behaviour has consequences and she's no different.  Try not to worry that there will be any repercussions from her either because when they arrest her she will have bail conditions placed on her not to come near you and if she does there will be serious penalties for that too! 

You shouldn't have to put up with this type of behaviour, no-one should, so you are doing completely the right thing standing up for yourself and allowing the police to take the necessary action.



Axxxxx


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## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Hi Kerry,

Just read this and wanted to send you and your family a big huge   . Really hope that the police take action soon and she is dealt with as she should be. Can't believe some people are such ****'s.

Hope you've had an ok weekend and the BBQ was good!

Emma and another Edie!


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## Alison0702 (Apr 7, 2006)

Hi kerry

How are things with your neighbour. Have things settled down now?

Alison


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## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Hi Alison,

Thanks for asking, sorry not to have replied sooner. 

Yes, I am pleased to say that things have really settled down with the b*tch from hell (or scary Mary as the rest of the road call her). She is just off causing more trouble for herself elsewhere! She will get her Karma in a different way!

The police did not arrest her in the end because we were concerned that this might make things worse for us- a bit of a cop out for us really (pardon the pun), but if the police had not charged her or not placed any bail restrictions on her, it would have left us more vulnerable (although the police did say that the courts would view it as witness intimidation). 

We now feel that we are getting our lives back together after a really rocky few months. 

We have just had our 2nd BFN and have started OPK monitoring today to have IUI again next week so Fingers crossed!!

Anyway enough rambling,
sorry I dont get on here more often!

Kerry


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

@ scary Mary.  

Glad she is not troubling you any more. Good luck with the IUI


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## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Glad this is better for you!! Your Edie is lovely!!!

Emma x


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## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Thanks for your replies, Pem and Carole,

Pem- your Edie is gorgeous too- must be the name- try not to worry about her being so tiny- some babies just are- depending on their parentage, their body size and shape, as long as Edie is developing normally neurologically and is happy in herself (and it sounds like she is), then try to ignore other unhelpfull comments about her size- it is a difficult time having a new one in the family without people making it more difficult for you!

Enough of my rant,

Love Kerry


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Oh I just love seeing the pictures of the littlies and how they grow and get more and more gorgeous


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