# Anyone had date set to attend matching panel, then be told NO a few weeks later?



## Bern (Jan 25, 2009)

Hello 

I am fairly new to this thread, although I did use to post on international thread a fair bit when I went to Cyprus for DE IVF.

But I am hoping you lovely ladies may be able to help, I am in despair at the moment and don't know if it's with our own Social Worker or the children's family finding social worker... But we had met the childrens SW twice & family finder & foster carer along with a date booked for matching panel so thought this was a real positive sign only to find out a few weeks later, that they then decide not to proceed?!! They didn't even talk through with our SW but instead sent her an email!!

This happened to us a few weeks after date was set & we had started putting together our books for the children.... We are just devastated, angry, numb, shocked & beside ourselves.

Has anyone had this happen to them who may be able to reassure us of the whole process or any suggestions as to how we can deal with this?

B.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

big hugs to you   really sorry  you have been put through this. not the same but we had a huge spanner in the works bringing our DD home just as were about to start intros so i know how awful you feel when you have started to connect with your child/ren to have it snatched away.
you had proceeded to a stage where things were very much going ahead as far as i can see..its simply not right to just take it all away without some proper explanation. is this within your own LA or out of area? if its all within your own authority then i would ask to speak to someone higher up the chain about their normal procedures and if they cant explain themsleves make a formal complaint. if the childen were coming froma different LA then perhaps your own LA have little control but they still have a duty to you to find out whats happened and relay to you properly.

really sorry, i really do know how you feel  

kj x


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Oh Bern, how awful for you, I can't imagine how you are feeling   I am still at a very early stage of adoption, but wanted to send      

Good luck and stay strong


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## Bern (Jan 25, 2009)

Thank you both for your reply!

I just find it hard that the children's SW set a date for matching panel only to say no without discussing it with our own SW what her concerns were!!

We received a verbal reason (via our SW's boss who came out to tell us) yet the letter from the children's SW tells us different reasons.... V strange to me!!

Awful to think that We are actually starting to lose confidence in our SW / VA and the whole process - especially when it's all over the news how short the country is of adopters! (our original SW retired & she was ace!) 

Does anyone know if once you are approved - can you change authority / agency ? (we are currently with a VA)

Bx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i dont think you can change once you've gone with one, but i may be wrong..very odd that you been given different reasons tho..you could point out that that is rather confusing from your perpective
try not to lose heart with the process, although its easy too i know..this is one of the blips that happen (tho they shouldnt) and you have to tough it out and try and think that it all happens for a reason, and that your child is still out there waiting for you  

kj x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Bern  

I'm really sorry to read this  . A 'similar' thing happened to us (although not quite as far down the line process wise, but the same emotionally), it was very distressing at the time.  We believe that it was the SW's boss who made the final decision and not the SW as she was telling us 100% the child was 'ours'  

Although we were furnished with reasons why the match did not ultimately go ahead (which were ridiculous!), ultimately it was down to the child being 'out of area' and the SS finding local adopters who would not cost extra money  . 

I wonder if this has happened in your case as you are with a VA and the LA who have the children would have to pay if they went with you?  

It sucks and is more about protecting budgets than honestly 'matching' children with adopters  

However, please be assured that (like us), you will find the right match in the end  .

I'm sorry  

X


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