# Initial consultation stress!



## hollyD78 (Feb 28, 2012)

Hello. 

Firstly I'd just like to say thank you to the person who helped me regain my old account. So thank you 

OK, so, I joined this group a good while ago when myself and my partner found out we needed ICSI. I mentioned briefly back then the issues but I will refresh a little if I may.

I'm 24 partner is 48. Sorry if these are not.correctly spelt but he has low sperm count and very very bad motility and very bad morphology. I think out of all the sperm collected only 2% were normal, if that.

We received our letter for our initial consultation but unfortunately, I was taken to hospital and it had to be re arranged. We were given a new appointment but a couple of days before, we received a letter telling us we were not entitled to funding.
We started to appeal but then I got very sick (cysts removed from ovary, they found borderline cancerous cells and removed my left ovary, fallopian tube and some omentum. Then had chronic problems with gall stones which had me.hospitalized, all together, for over 4 months. They then moved my gall bladder) 

We both gave up on the appeal as the stress was to great.

Forward to today and I've just had confirmation that we have now been given our 'second' initial consultation. This has very much come as a supprise to us. We were told we wouldn't hear anything until atleast august.

Sorry,this is so long but honestly, I'm not sure where else to turn. I thought I would feel excited but I don't. I'm filled with dread that they'll turn us down again (even tho we meet all criteria)

I am also very anxious about what happens and the meeting. What do they ask? What do they do? Etc. Forgive me but my trust in doctors is at an all time low. I am so grateful that we have this appointment but feel very guilty that I don't feel excited.

Any advice on what to expect at the appointment would be greatly appreciated.

Lastly I.apologise if this is in the wrong section. 

Thank you all for reading

Love holly x


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Hi Holly,

Wow, what a time you've had! Absolute nightmare by the sounds of it.  

Well, as you've seen/will see here in the fab fertility-friends universe, everything you feel is normal - I promise! 

After everything you and your husband have gone through, another medical appointment, and what it entails, is of course going to be a daunting prospect. Yes, the ultimate outcome of this appointment could be a baby, but, in all honesty, the first appointment is the first small step on the pathway of ICSI - another time in your life where doctors and nurses are going to feature quite prominently! I would feel just the same as you Holly I think if I had spent so much time in hospital to find out I was going to be back there quite often!

At our first appointment we just talked with our consultant about what our options were, how the cycle would work. We went over some test results, and he said there were a few more tests he would like to run. We also discussed booking my DH's PESA procedure, and how this would fit in with the ICSI cycle. It was all about the logistics, really!

Obviously all consultants will run their first appointments differently, and I am sure other ladies here will share their experience with you. There is somewhere on FF a list of questions for your first consultation that you can print out and take with you. You might not ask them all, but it gives you something to fall back on if you and DH suddenly go blank when you're in there!

Hope this helps


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## hollyD78 (Feb 28, 2012)

Hello clairerianne 

Thank you for your reply. I will look for that list of questions yo take with us. I know I'm not the only one who attends appointments, head full of questions, to then forget everything I needed to say! So that is a huge help, thank you!

I'm not 100% sure why I feel this way. Partly due to my lack of trust in doctors but I think I'm starting to question myself. I know it'll pass, maybe it's just the shock of it all over again.

May I ask how you felt after your first consultation?. I've read some people feel so relieved but others completely overwhelmed. Everyone will have a different reaction I know but I guess, we're just trying to prepare for feeling a bit confused.

My partner is being fantastic. When I told him yesterday they had given us a new appointment, he was very calm and happy. I always imagined he'd be the one stressing out haha! 

Our consultation is next Wednesday, very quick, so I will spend all weekend getting relevant questions together and trying to de-stress!

Anyway, how are you? And how is your journey coming along?

Thank you again for your very kind reply, I don't feel quite as alone in my feelings now *hugs*

Holly x


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Hi Holly,

I remember having a sense of anti-climax after our first consultation. We had had it written on the calendar for weeks, counting down the days until we were going to walk into our consultant's office and be told that everything was going to be okay, be handed a detailed treatment plan and sent on our way with pretty much everything we needed to start! I was practically salivating at the thought of getting my sweaty mitts on a needle to start jabbing myself with (even though I used to have a huge needle phobia!)

In reality, we were in there about 10 to 15 minutes, the consultant pretty much glossed over everything, and we were sent on our way knowing that ICSI would be our thing, we needed to arrange DH's PESA and to call the nurses when that was arranged so they could work out the date for the start of my down-regulation. Looking back, the consultant only told us what we needed to know. I was asking many questions which turned out to be irrelevant to us, and were way more detailed than was really necessary at the time. In all honesty, even if he had answered them, we weren't really in the right frame of mind to take in all the answers.

I also remember feeling quite underwhelmed still when we got home. I was expecting to feel over the moon, but something about that first consultation made me realise what a path we still had to follow.

It's really great that your DH is so supportive - you will be each other's best friends and (at times) worst enemies during treatment. You might share your journey with others, or on here, but at the end of the day it is you two at home, dealing with treatment stress on top of normal daily life - it's each other you will turn to when you are sad, happy, scared, excited, anxious, hopeful, fed up, and even angry.

Keep talking to each other - apart from having a child, this is one of the biggest things emotionally, physically and, of course, financially, a couple will ever go through!

We have a follow-up appointment with our consultant on Monday to discuss our first ICSI cycle and why it was not successful - have mixed feelings about this! - as you have probably seen on my other post you replied to.

Hope you have a lovely weekend planned


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## hollyD78 (Feb 28, 2012)

Thank you so much for all of your help. It's helped me to relax a bit and not worry as much.

How did your appointment go today? I hope you are both as ok as can be and get all or at least most of the answers that you need!

Thank you again.

X


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