# Crying for Fc



## Betty B (Mar 5, 2006)

Hi 

We are 3 days into placement after very smooth intros, Boo is 4 & very chatty happy etc but tonight is crying begging to go back to FC we are upset as expected any tips in how to deal with this, wee one has been almost too perfect till now the attachment to FC was very strong & we expected this but now worried it will get worse, will she ever move on ?

Soz if not making sense am tired out & poss in shock as to the change in our lives already feeling very low  

G


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

hi GeorgieB


  to you and your DH and of course to Boo. 


I have no real words of advice apart from give her lots of hugs and reassurance as she is probably realising she is not going back to FC and has started to grieve for them. I would also tell her you and DH are always going to be there etc


I'm sure someone will be along shortly with some hints 


love
T
xx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hello  

Firstly, try not to worry.    Your daughters behaviour is completely normal and to be expected, and it will past.

She needs cuddles, keeping close and lots of reassuring.  But you are her mummy - you'll know that already  

Make sure she knows it's ok to talk about her FCs, and reassure her that they are safe and happy that she now has a forever family.  

Also, very importantly, make sure you have some time for yourself.  Very difficult so early on, but make time for a bath or a coffee on your own - it'll keep you sane!

Things will get better, but it will take time so don't be concerned if this continues for a while yet.  You are at the most difficult and exhausting phase, but it WILL pass.  The first few weeks are very very hard going.  Nobody warns you about that!

I'm going to request access to the post placement board on your behalf, as I feel it would benefit you to read some of the stories in there.  Once you have access, you can post in there and only a small number of people can see your posts - we all feel a bit safer posting in there    I can move this thread there once you have access -let me know if you want me to do so.

Take care, it will get better  

bx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

its all very daunting to start with isnt it?     as the girls ave said, just make sure you keep reassuring boo. i am in touch with a couple that i spoke to when they were going thru their hs and they have now got 2 little girls and they are feeling pretty much they same way you do. its normal and will in time ease and get better.  being a mummy and daddy is great but its a huge change. as boggy said, try and get some time to yourself. a nice bubble bath, a book and a glass of wine!   

hope things get better soon, im sure they will.

oh and congrats!!     xxxxxxxxx


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

Hi 

Sending you a great big hug as it is so very very hard in the beginning 

It is however possitive that lo is able to show you how upset she is and even better if she allows you to comfort her although I do know it doesnt feel like that!!!!! 

Kitten came home 6 months ago and everything was wonderful for 6 weeks before she started to show us some of her level of grief. Kitten is a lot younger at only 2 but it came as a huge shock and blow to me. 

I felt that I was doing something wrong and that she must prefer life at fc's and that I was just not as good as them..........

As kitten was younger some of the things that we did may not work with your lo but they may be worth a try?? We have a photo of foster family above her bed as well as a larger photo of us as a family. We drew pictures of houses and explained that kitten lived with mummy and daddy in this house and that the foster family lived in the second house. We explained and still do that they looked after her until we could come and get her and that she will live with us forever and ever and we will love her forever and ever. 

6 months in and kitten still has the occational wobble and I find that the best thing to do is to hold her and let her cry and tell her gently over and over how much we love her and will look after her forever and ever......

Do try to take some time out as the shock of a lo in your life is just huge and can not in anyway be expained or imagined. I found I needed to have just a few minutes and would drive to the shops and just park up and listen to music just for a few mins. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Go swimming. Do what ever you can. I would also strongly recommend that you try to meet up with other parents who have adopted recently. I have 2 sets of friends from prep training and they have saved my sanity and given me people who really do understand to talk to and be supported by

It does get easier and you get used to each other. 

For kitten the love came easily but the trust us still growing. 

xxxx


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