# Trying for a second at 46 following donor tx and ICSI- am I mad?



## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

Dear all,

Just thinking aloud really, but I had a lovely little girl by donor tx and ICSI who is now 7 weeks old, after many attempts.  Despite my age, my pregnancy was really easy , and fabulous, with only some minor complaints, however I was deemed high risk by the medical profession which meant I had a lot of monitoring which whilst useful also led to a lot of stress and consultant appointments and hence my pregnancy was lived from day to day.  Up to the minute she was put in my arms, I was still conscious of the fact that the outcome may not be a happy one, so convinced was I that something could go wrong, and also the consultants were never shy of telling me the risks of still birth etc in older women that most of my pregnancy was spent in a state of fear.  

The outcome in practice however was that I had a ' beneficial' pregnancy, as someone described it, with it putting me in better health than before- strange thing to say but apparently it can happen . However can I rely on it happening again or was it a fluke?  Generally I am in great health and have a lot of stamina and even though the first weeks have been extremely tough, we are both managing fine and feel that we can work everything out between us.

I would like to give my little girl a sibling and therefore use my 4 frosties ,at the earliest reasonable opportunity.  I would not consider  a further fresh cycle as I think it would be time to move on.

I am however concerned about whether this pg may be not as easy for me, and how I would deal with problems ( assuming the frosties are viable for transfer, I have a BFP, and the pregnancy progresses etc), as this time I would have a little girl to look after and hence could not afford to be out of sorts.  How would I react if had a BFN, when I am on hormone meds, etc, or even had another m/c?  I had a c section this time and recovery has been slow, and only now am I feeling back on track after 6 weeks. I felt as if a ton of bricks had dropped on me and are only now being lifted so the prospect of feeling like that with two small children to look after is not an attractive one.

I would be interested to hear from anyone else in the same position, and also any advice that anyone has.  It is still my view that the responsible thing would be to try and give my daughter a full sibling, health and luck permitting.

Many thanks


roze  xxx


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## Minkey (May 22, 2004)

Hi Roze,

I can sympathise with some of what you are feeling although my experience is different - I had a difficult pregnancy with terrible hypermesis (sickness) so if I manage to get pregnant again I will need help and lots of it, but I guess I feel my desire for another child outweighs everything else.  I will be honest I am finding this time round more stressful with already having a child, but I will deal with it because the potential end result is worth so much to me.

Best of luck with whatever you decide  

Minkey x


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## Dobby (Oct 23, 2005)

Hi Roze

I am in a similar situation to you, but my daughter is a few months older.  I too had a wonderful pregnancy and felt far better the whole time I was pregnant than I do normally.  I had a caesarian section also, but recovered from this really quickly, and due to my age was advised to get going with another ICSI cycle ASAP... so we started another cycle when my little one was 14 weeks old, having given up breastfeeding the day before.

I thought it may be useful to you to hear my experience.. though I realise that things may not be the same.  I found both of my previous ICSI cycles fairly easy to handle physically and emotionally, and although I was very upset at my first BFN, I picked myself up quite quickly with plans for another cycle, and this one was fortunately positive and resulted in my little one.

This cycle after she was born, was COMPLETELY different.  Although I found the actual stimming phase easier emotionally (somehow at that point, it was as if the pressure was off - because the sheer desperation of trying to have a baby wasn't quite the same now I already had one).  Physically I found the whole thing far, far harder... not sure if it was because I was running around after a 3 1/2 month baby or just the fact I was stimming so close to having been pregnant.  I felt dreadful and very tired and hormonal.

What I didn't expect was to feel SO emotional during the 2ww.... and when I started heavily bleeding only a week after embryo transfer I felt absolutely devastated.  Somehow it was if knowing that I COULD get pregnant made having a BFN so much harder to handle, if that makes any sense.  I have also found it really hard to get over the BFN afterwards... I keep looking at my little one and just feeling so sad that there isn't another one on the way.

I guess from my experience I would say that you need to factor in that you may feel both physically and emotionally quite rocky if you try again very close to your first baby...

That having been said, we aim to try again as soon as we can.  My view is that how ever hard the trying is, and if we are lucky enough to succeed, however hard a pregnancy with a young baby already, and then two to look after will be, in 5 years time it will all be a dim and distant memory of how hard it was but we will hopefully have two lovely children.

If we leave it, then in 5 years time it will be too late to change our minds.

Does that make sense?  Hopefully this has helped, but let me know if there is anything else I can help with.

Dobby


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## Dopey-Dinah (Sep 27, 2004)

Hi Roze,

I started stimming again when my little one was 7 months old and had FET shortly after. I too found *everything* about the treatment much harder to deal with second time around and the 2ww nearly drove me .

First time around, my pregnancy was fab. Apart from the sickness which dogged me throughout, I literally sailed through a textbook 9 months, had a bit of a rough delivery (forceps and lots of stitches) but on the whole, I found the pregnancy experience brilliant and like you, felt that I was as healthy as I'd ever been, if not better so why would there be any difference this time. Was I in for a shock? 

Again I was sick all the way through, although not floored like Minkey was - hyperemesis is horrendous. I suffered from sciatica, which is still giving me horrendous pain 8 months on (i'm waiting to go in for surgery). My iron levels weren't great right from the start but shortly after giving birth, I haemorrhaged and had to have an emergency blood transfusion (Hb went down to 6.4 at one point - it's usually about 11). Being pregnant when you already have a wee person to look after is obviously more tiring than first time, given that you can't just go for a sleep whenever you need to. There's also the wear and tear on your body to consider - mine is absolutely knackered.

It sounds like I'm trying to put you off but in all honesty, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. This is something that other people find hard to comprehend. My parents, my husband, our friends, have all put forward good arguments but I know in my heart that what I got at the end of it all, was just too precious to measure .

It's been a hard slog but I've been incredibly fortunate and I wouldn't change a thing.

Good Luck with your decision.

Debbie
XXXXX


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

Hi Roze,

I've just seen this so thought I'd add my two pennies worth.

Because I had a section with J I was told I should wait at least 6 months before trying again to give the wound time to heal all the way through but we didn't think for a minute we'd get lucky so started trying when he was 4 months. He was 7 months when we got our second BFP so I have just over 16 months between my two.

I found things very different second time around - with my first pregnancy I was the most precious thing ever, the world revolved around me and I rested a lot, whereas second time around you just get on with it. Yes it was harder but not as hard as I thought it was going to be and the benefit of a small gap is that they still have a daytime nap - many a time I would put J to bed and crawl in myself (my bed obviously, not his ). I was still on maternity leave which helped as at least I wasn't having to work full time which I had done first time around and I have a physical job.

I had a terrible recovery from my first section and was dreading having another so managed to convince the consultant to let me go 12 days overdue (14 by original dates) whereas he was keen to book me in for a section at 7 days over. Unfortunately my body refused to labour yet again so I ended up with the section but even that wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, the worst bit was that I ended up in hospital for a week because of me getting an infection and M being jaundiced.

Second time around your life is already child orientated so you aren't having to deal with adapting to being a parent and 'losing' your life as you know it etc etc, plus you've already built up a support network from having your first - I remember how much effort it took some days to force myself to go out and make new friends with children the same age, just so I wouldn't be at home on my own. Second time around you've done that bit and I found I enjoyed M right from the start whereas I had a fair few wobbles with J in the early days.

If you are fit and healthy I don't see why you should have a problem pregnancy. Yes it'll be different and harder cos you can't just rest when you feel like it, but don't let that be the thing that stops you trying!

Good luck whatever you decide to do,

Chux xx


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