# I'm sorry, I haven't been on for ages and now I'm going to rant



## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Hi, I've stayed away from the board for quite a while, lurking a bit but not posting, generally doing ok, but today I just could do with the perspective of people who understand. 

Long story short: SIL has had her baby and MIL thought the best way to tell us would be to leave an answering machine message and that in the message, she would go into a very long, detailed description of the birth and that she would also go on about how poor SIL is tired and had a hard time during the birth. 

So I have a few things on my mind... I don't think I need to tell you which parts of this grate, and how much this has annoyed and upset me. 
Thank you for listening

xxxxxxxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi Emma G- no apology necessary!!!! i too have been awol for a while. I completely understand what you mean. Who wants to know all those details for Gods sake!! People just havent a clue!

We were at my brothers wedding on sat which was a great day but a downpour! On the way out of the hotel the next day one of the bridesmaids (a bit of a pain anyway!) shouted "lovely to meet you all - we will see you at the Christening"   I just ignored it and walked on but it still gets to me!


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

Well on the subject of MIL - mine apparently turned to my husband the other day when he was telling her we were splitting because I want to try IVF treatment with donor sperm and he doesn't, that maybe he could find a "fertile" woman to settle down with and have a baby with her 

Errrrr - why the   would we need to use donor sperm if the only problem was my blocked tubes??

They just DON'T GET IT DO THEY?

I think you just have to ignore some people as best you can on these topics. I know that there is absolutely no point whatsoever trying to make my feelings heard. I have learned not to discuss it and dismiss hurtful comments and suggestions as hilarious material for my autobiography


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Emma,

You know, it's good to hear from you again, but sorry it is because you are hurting. I see you edited your post to "reduce the rantiness"  - hey friend, just rant as much as you like!

Like you I was infuriated to be expected to sympathise with a SlLs experience of morning sickness, discomforts and tiredness of pg and the natural pain and tiredness of chldbirth. We all know that is something temporary, it passes, and it brings a joy and reward, unlike the pain of IF that seems never to quite go away.

Somehow it seems that people who do not understand our emotional pain think that we can draw comfort from having avoided acute physical pain. I am afraid that the way I found to deal with this has been to rather embarass the person describing the pg/childirth discomforts and pains. I simply say "I am glad mother/you and baby are well. I wish I had had the same good luck." That usually spares me from any more details about how tough childbirth is.

Emma, if you have a good relationshp with your SiL, try not to let MiL's insensitivity come beween you.

Come and rant anytime!

Jq xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Thank you so much for your replies, you guys do always make me feel better! Hazel you're right, people just don't get it. And jq, that's a good point, MIL may have been thinking we could take comfort from what she said. I suppose that's a bit like when people find out about our infertility and say things like "well having children is very hard, you know" or whatever. Maybe she thought we'd hear the message and think "oh gosh! phew! thank goodness those 5 years of fertility tx didn't work! we didn't realise childbirth can be a bit tiring!" I'm being sarcastic but I do take the serious point behind it.

jq you have also clarifed what I was so angry about - the _temporary _ nature of those things that were pointed out to us. That, plus annoyance that all the things mentioned, I experienced during our IF tx, and many times! - tiredness from operations and procedures, pain, discomfort, and being cut open (I was sliced from hip to hip* during investigations! - I bet mine took longer to heal!!) and do I get a lovely new baby to make up for it all? -no. Just a lifetime of unresolved pain.

Thank you also for the suggested response! I love it! If I ever pluck up the courage to see any of DH's family again (and blass him, he's not pushing me at all), I will keep that response on standby!

xx

*ok, I'm exaggerating, It's not quite from hip to hip, but it's a damn big old scar across my belly!


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

to all


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