# Dating and the single girl ttc!



## Felix42

Hello all, hope you don't mind if we join you.  A few of us on the Single Women are wrestling (sounds a bit physical!!) with the idea of dating while ttc with donor sperm, so I thought it might be handy to have a thread.

My circumstances are currently between treatment, though I'm starting again (I hope) in April and I have been dating someone for about 6 weeks now.  He knows about the ttc and is ok about it though I suspect when it comes to my undergoing treatment with someone else's sperm   things might get tricky.  Having come to terms myself with ttc as a single mum, the idea of possibly now being with someone who might want to be a dad is pretty scary!

Would love to share ideas/dilemmas with others (whether single ttc or not).

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

Felix xx


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## ♥Jovial♥

Felix thanks for starting this, we have our fair share of dilemas even thinking about ttc alone, let alone the added ones men throw at us!  

You must be wonder woman jugging dating and treatment - I am impressed!

I loved the dating & relationship accounts in 'Knock Yourself Up' - until then I hadn't really considered it is possible to do both, must say it got me thinking.  

I'm not sure whats harder or more daunting, going it alone or dating  

xx


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## Damelottie

Good idea to start this one Felix

xxxx


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## Felix42

Thanks Jovi and Emma. I'm a bit unhappy that its been moved though as its a bit sensitive & I thought it would be better on Relationships etc rather than on the general Single Women thread. What do you two think? 

F xx


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## Damelottie

Hi Felix

Mmmm - its a difficult one really.

My thoughts ( and they're only mine  ) are that its better here. But that because I'm always nervous that we might lose this board - it was only ever set up temporarily - so like it to be used as much as possible. And I think its easier for other new singlies to find us and all the different postings.

Also, I often read the relationships board and it mostly seems to be for one off problems rather than on-going topics iykwim  

With regard to it being sensitive for others - well your title is perfect! If nobody want to read it they don't have to.

I think it was a great idea to set it up and I'm really glad you did. It'll make me feel a lot more comfortable and tbh     more comfortable that its over here too. 

Hugs

Emma xxxxx


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## Felix42

Hello there, you're dead right Jovi that dating can complicate things with the ttc but who knows how long this might take and it would be shame to miss out on romance in the meantime!

Thinking about it again Emma, it probably is best located here.  We're likely to experience at least some similar dilemmas, like how to, when to or even whether to tell our datees about ttc.

So, when's your next dates, Emma & Jovi?  & how are you doing Di??

Mine's coming up next Tuesday.  We've been talking a bit about my IVF plans but really I'm trying to keep things light and separate from the IVF.  

F xx


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## cleo31

Hi felix, jovi and emma,

just thought i would jump in if you don't mind. I'm not single (married 7yrs) but thought as you had initially posted on the other thread it would be ok to join the dicussion  

I have 2 single friends, one of whom really wants to settle down and have a baby. She is worried that she hasn't met Mr right yet and that even when she does she will have to court him pretty quickly and get started on the baby making. She's 38 by the way.

i don't think she has ever considered going it alone using a sperm donor, but i have spoken to her about having her eggs frozen for later use. However at the moment she is still perservering with finding Mr Right.

I think from a personal point of view  my want for a baby would override everything. 

felix - its great that person you are dating is ok about the ttc. Its a difficult situation with no easy answers. but you need to put your needs first. I mean if he's mr right he will understand and if he's not then you've had fun on the way and he hasn't interferred with your plans for ttc.

Again sorry if you feel that i have interrupted.

Love and luck cleo xx


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## Felix42

Thanks for your message Cleo and of course you're not interrupting.  

I do feel for your friend.  I waited and hoped for Mr Right way too long and I'm here now as a result. Someone once advised me when I was dithering that it would be virtually impossible to meet someone, decide to date, then decide to have a baby and still have the relationship intact within the timescale I needed and we were talking late 30s then.  When you think though that it might be possible to carry on dating while you start looking into ttc as a single woman, it does take the pressure off a bit and that's never bad in this game is it?

I completely agree with you that it's necessary to stay very focused during this journey and in a way I've got to be incredibly selfish (though honest too) with my date about what's happening.  I think I have been losing a bit of focus lately but I'm going to start turning that around again and enjoying the dating while I stay with my dream of a baby of my own (with or without a man).

Wishing you lots of  with your journey and please wish your friend good luck with hers too.  Have you mentioned this site to her at all? I must admit if I'd known about the support available here, I'd probably have leapt in much, much earlier.

Felix xx


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## ♥Jovial♥

Ooooh I need to stop overthinking  

It must be much more complicated when things get physical.  Last year I had a   'slight mishap' as I like to call it    It was a one off unplanned night with an ex (never a good idea!!)  To spare you the details   and cut a long story short I ended up with the morning after pill, how stupid am I!  It was such a wierd thing to go through when I feel so strongly about wanting a baby.  I haven't told anyone until now I was just too  

How the women in KYSU coped with treatment & a sex life is beyond me! 

When's the next date Felix?


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## Betty-Boo

Jovigirl,
Think we've all been there - I know I have, but to be honest although I'm going down this long and winding path, I do feel that at the time I made the right decision to take the morning after pill as my ex was a complete waste of time, he had a child with his ex wife and could never 'be bothered' to see the child, I would've hated to have bought up my child with a father like that.... Don't beat youself up about it!  Things happen for a reason - great believer in fate! take care  
Felix whens the next hot date and installment?  Have lots of fun! You deserve it!
Didi - how's ski man?
Take care and keep smiling!
Rachel x x


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## kylecat

hey felix! Thanks for setting up this thread - a very good idea!   it's been interesting to hear everyone's thoughts on this matter. Yesterday I felt a bit down - I don't think it was totally to do with the IUI not working and getting a BFN. I also think that I am missing male company and the excitement of going out on dates. I don't want to put my life totally on hold as this TTC thing may take a while. So I have decided that in the next few weeks I'd like to start dating again. I haven't been out on a proper date since last oct! I also think that now the pressure has been taken off a little as I am no longer just looking for a suitable man to be the father of my child!!! I feel much more relaxed about the dating thing and I'm just basically interested in meeting new people and having a nice evening out!  

Anyway, do any of you girls know of any internet dating sites which you might recommend? I used to be on dating direct so that is an option. I don't want to go on match.com because my ex boyfriend is on there!!   What others have you all used and found quite good?

jovi - as rachel says don't beat yourself up over little mistakes. All of us have been there at one point or another. Last year I even considered having a baby with my ex boyfriend who was totally bankrupt and an absolute idiot! i am so glad that I didn't go down that road!

Any ideas on dating websites much appreciated,

Thanks
katiexxx


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## ♥Jovial♥

Thanks Rachel    It seemed ironic but definately the right thing to do.

I am seeing mine again Wednesday and going to try not to think about it too much until then.  Who am I kidding!  I need to relax and am going to make the effort to go with the flow and have a little fun, I have been thinking way too seriously this weekend.  I saw him last night - unexpected, well, kind of.  He said he would come over Sat or Sun depending on what time he got home Sat night and that he would let me know ... he didn't let me know just turned up    Don't men know we need a bit of girly time to faff and get presentable before seeing them    Was nice though he had had a very busy day and had driven about 200 miles and still made it over. To be honest I'd spent the few hours before he arrived thinking I was not going to see him again I'd convinced myself he wasn't interested.

Come on Didi we need the next installment


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## ♥Jovial♥

Katie you get out there girl and have some fun!  I can't help with dating sites, I registered with one once, Friends Reunited Dating, but I got scared and took myself off it, that was about 3 years ago.  I have thought about it since but never been brave enough xx


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## Felix42

Jovi.  I second (or third!) what Rachel and Katie said.  It's happened to us all and we've just got to remember that it was the right decision at the time. It's still hard to look back and wonder what might have been though. 

I think there's no way I'd think twice if it happened now - another essential reason to be straight with anyone you're dating about what you're doing while dating them and your desire to have a child (with or without them)   Afterall if they are keen or not, you can work around that and either see ttc as a completely separate thing to dating (taking all pressure off & just having lots of fun) or as a remote possibility.  What will be will be afterall and as long as you're completely honest with the other person then it's ok in my view anyway. 

Hmm, Katie.  I've tried DD but there's so many people there it's almost overwhelming.  The Guardian one and the Times ones are good and you could always try Match again but block your ex so you and he don't have to see each other?  It is great to have romance back in your lifen I must say.  Who knows it might even help with the tx. 

My next date is this Tuesday and Thursday too (as I'm off on my hols from Friday).  Still very much enjoying getting to know him but keeping it light and relaxed and very honest. 

Felix xx


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## Felix42

Ps   Katie that you were feeling down yesterday.  Hope you are feeling better today.  Dating is a great distraction and it's nice to know that you're not omissign out on the chance of meeting new people while ttc.  

F xx


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## suitcase of dreams

Katie,

I've tried both Match and Dating Direct - not with any success mind you! I had a look at Guardian Soulmates and that seemed quite good - maybe give that a go? I have this feeling that they are all much of a muchness to be honest....

I still don't feel up to dating at all at the moment, although I rather wish I did. It's not even really the tx which is stopping me, more that I just feel that my life is so busy and complicated already that I can't be doing with trying to fit in dating as well. Perhaps I need to re-assess my priorities and stop letting work take over my life?! 

Good luck to all you dating girlies, maybe I'll get the enthusiasm up to join you soon  

Laura
x


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## ♥JJ1♥

Hi Jenny
welcome to the thread I haven't done the dating thing and TTC.  
RE: AL and TTC I guess it is your choice if you decide to TTC without a job- I presonally wouldn't but I am cautious.  if you did get a job and wanted to take AL you wouldn't need to tell you employer why you wanted AL, or you could say that you were having a gynae procedure.  My GP signs me off sick and puts gynae procedure under general anaesthetic and post op recovery.
Good luck
L x


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## Roo67

Hi Jenny and welcome

I've dabbled in internet dating and have been on a couple of dates in the past. 
I've not been on any dates since ttc, this hasn't been a conscious decision - to be honest the last date was about 5yrs ago anyway, so really out of practice and hate to admit it but can't really be bothered .


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## suitcase of dreams

Me too Roo - I just can't be bothered dating either - which is odd because I'd love to be in a relationship and not doing this by myself so you'd think I'd try a bit harder, but there you go....

Hi Jenny - welcome aboard! The work question is a difficult one to answer - if you wait to start tx until everything is in place workwise, then you might regret the time it takes to get to that point (not that I'm suggesting it will take you a long time to get a new job, but you just never know how things will pan out do you?) However,  at the same time, it can be challenging to think about managing a new job and tx. I recently turned down a major promotion at work which would have meant moving to another team, new boss etc because I wanted to stay in a 'comfortable' role where it's easy for me to be flexible with clinic visits etc. Having said that, depending on the location of your clinic and the tx you are having, it can be possible to do IUI at least with minimum impact on work (ie if you are at a London clinic they usually do scans etc from about 8.15am so quite possible to get to work afterwards. I live outside London so it's more of a journey for me...)

Good luck with your decision!
Laura
x


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## Felix42

Welcome Jenny, I can sympathise with you about postponing treatment because of meeting someone.  I sort of did that a couple of years ago while I hoped but I wouldn't postpone treatment again for a man and I would be horrified if someone asked me to do that.

Good to hear about your latest man and his being positive about your treatment.  As you say it's nice to have someone to spend evenings with and lovely to be romanced!  

I'm not sure that I can help with the work question.  It is difficult to time tx with the rest of your life.  As far as asking for AL is concerned, I'd think that an employer has the right to refuse AL if it caused operational difficulties and it is more difficult to start a new job and immediately ask for AL.  If it was booked as hospital appointments, then they are unlikely to be refused but if you had a lot then your sick absence might be reviewed.  It's not like pregnancy related sickness which gets discounted from any sick absence review.  Sorry that's not that helpful.  As Laura says it helps if your clinic is close by and offers early morning scan appointments.  

Laura,  completely understand your not fancying dating during tx.  I really enjoyed having a complete break at first, but then thought what the heck, why not?  If it gets too much I can always ease off I hope.

Hope everyone is having/had a lovely evening.  

Love and hugs to all,

Felix xx

PS how's your dating going Emma?


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## Betty-Boo

Welcome Jenny!
I too have tried Match.com, found it horrendous, had one bloke who just wanted me to talk dirty to him, another who said that all Western women were to blame for the divorce rate (and the man had nothing to do with the situation?) he got really nasty so I reported him.  Turns out he was off to Vietnam to get a wife - I think he saw my picture and thought I'd be a good little Eastern girl, ha ha bless him - did he get a shock!  Threw all his toys out of his pram because I couldn't drop everything to visit him in Exeter - yes that's right, me visit him.... no effort on his side... So all I can say is I gave up on internet dating,although it has worked for some I know... think I attract the weird sort   
Any way, good luck with the dating side of things, would love to have someone in my life, and never give up hope, but shall continue down this path in the mean time as this is important to me.
Take care and keep smiling!
Rachel x  

/links


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## ♥JJ1♥

My friends who do this say another friend.com had a better claibre of men- one of my friends used to work evening shifts and use to get many men just wanting no string sex etc and would openly say they were married- she didn't wntertain any of them but they were plentiful!!

Good luck and have fun
L x


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## kylecat

Thanks girls for the recommended dating websites. Think I might sign up to one of them in the next couple of weeks. To be honest, I am just looking for a few evenings out, not the man of my dreams! However if he does come along, then I'd be very pleased  

rachella - your story about the sad loser who took you out was a classic. What an idiot - glad you got shot of him!   I went on a date once and the guy was just soooo boring. the date lasted about 30 minutes and all I could think to talk about was how long my journey to work took - scintillating eh?

I went to the loo, texted my friend, she rang my phone and I pretended she'd rung me in a right state as her boyfriend had just dumped her! I made a quick escape  

Anyone got any other disastrous dating stories?

katiexx


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## ♥Jovial♥

Ooooooh just lost my post!

Well I saw my lovely man again last night, glad to say I have chilled out a little and had a great time without worrying or stressing about how it might work out.  I get so scared of getting hurt, it takes a lot for me to let someone get close, I really really like him.  He is coming over tomorrow night, we're hoping it will snow so we can go for a nice long walk on Saturday.

Felix hope your date is spoiling you rotten!

Didi come one we need updates on ski-man  

Katie good luck with the dating!  Hope you meet some lovely people 

xx


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## Betty-Boo

Hi Ju,
I really don't think that there is a right or wrong time to date, it all depends on who it is and how you feel at the time.  If someone came along now for me I wouldn't put my IVF on hold - would I tell them?  Am not sure about that yet as trust is a big thing for me having been let down in the past.  If IVF is successful and someone came along once pregnant, I'd be as honest as the situation dictates and to quote my mum - 'go with the flow'.  You'll know whens right for you.  I know that right now, although I'd love to be with someone, am not sure emotionally that I could deal with it, as am so focused on the IVF.  If I had met someone a couple of months ago I would've felt differently.
Good luck, I know my answer is sitting on the fence so to speak, but i do feel it is how we feel inside if that makes sense.  What's right for one, isn't necessarily right for another.
Don't I ramble on?   
Take care
Rachel x


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## suitcase of dreams

Hi Ju,

I agree with Rachel - I think it depends entirely on how you feel at the time. In some ways it's maybe easier to date when pregnant than when ttc. When you are still trying, there's the temptation to put it on hold if you meet someone you like, to see if it works out and you can start trying with them...whereas once you are pregnant it's a done deal and as long as you're honest with the guys you are dating and they are OK with it, then why not? 
If you meet the right person, they will be OK with you being pregnant - if they aren't OK with it, they aren't the right person - if you know what I mean....

Having said that, I don't know if I could do it myself - I suspect being pregnant will be tough enough without dating as well, but I guess I'll wait and see when it happens...

Hope you and G have a lovely Easter weekend, we must catch up soon,
Laura
x


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## winky77

Hello Ladies !!!  Great thread!  Sorry I have been elusive but thanks for the prompt, Jovigirl!    I suppose I am still in a state of shock that I even have something to post on a 'dating and the single girl ttc' thread!  I mean I haven't been in what I would call a relationship since I was about 30.....don't get me wrong I've had my fun and frolics in the last 10 years but nothing I would class as serious.  And then I make the decision about ttc,  squash in a ski holiday before I give it a first go and then...put the flags out....I meet 'ski-man' !!!   I think I am still in a state of shock 2 weeks on!  I really feel that I have spent the last 6 months or so grieving for the loss of the ideal scenario (meet a man, fall in love, make babies together...) and reconciling myself to going it alone so I feel really thrown this has happened.  It's particularly weird today as this weekend was what I had in my head to have a first attempt IUI.  All my test results are now through and everything is looking as positive as it could be (for a 41 year old!), and right on schedule I got a smiley ovulation surge this morning.  I made the decision whilst on holiday that I wasn't ready to go this weekend.....and yes that was influenced by meeting ski-man but equally to do with the fact I am still bottling it....and had been procrastinating about making appts, booking flights etc.  It is so difficult, isn't it girls!?  I do know I don't want to delay any further than a month and reading the posts on here reinforces that.  At my age I simply can't afford to give it 6months.   

So how do I feel about ski-man?  Well right now it's great....not perfect (he's got work stresses getting in the way a bit) but pretty great.    Interestingly, the day we got it together we had been in the bar earlier doing apres ski and there was about 5 of us talking about internet dating (I went on hols with 12 people from a social group I belong to that is mostly single people).  Ski-man was telling a tale of how he'd been chatting on-line with someone and getting on well so suggested meeting up and she then confessed she was 7mths pregnant with a donor.  How coincidential is that?!?  I felt like I suddenly had a sign on my head saying TTC too !!!!  It wasn't until later that evening when we'd confessed how we were feeling about each other and I told him my TTC plans, that i had chance to ask him how he had reacted to the internet woman.  Turns out he did meet up with her a few times but in the end it didn't work out cos he just couldn't see where he fitted in.  He says it would have been different if she was only just preggie but as she was so close to having the baby and so wrapped up in the birth plans etc he felt left out of things. It's interesting to get a man's perspective isn't it!  I think it adds up to ....yes you can date and be ttc or pregnant but it  has to be the right man ....and it helps if he has a role to play in it (even if not a biological one)....

I think what is surprising me about my situation and also what some of you have found, is that men are full of surprises.  I thought most men would run a mile at the prospect of being with someone who is pregnant or trying to get pregnant with someone else (albeit a nameless donor) !  I've obviously not given them credit !  Ski-man is saying all the right things (altho I have stressed that he needs to be really meaning what he says cos I am v vulnerable about all of this - even if I appear strong and sorted!!) and right now I could imagine in a month's time giving it a go with him rather than the clinic (even with no guarantees relationship wise.......is there ever?!?).  But then again there are pluses and minuses whichever way I look at it.  It would be great to share this ttc journey with a partner......it would be great to have created a biological child if our relationship works out......it would cost less !!!......but but but......what if it doesn't work out and I have a father on the scene in a different way than I imagined?.......how do I know he's not firing blanks ?..... oh the list goes on!!!!! 

Anyway, sorry this has turned into a mega long me post!  Roo/Laura.....I know what you mean about 'can't be bothered'.......I know i wouldn't have the inclination or energy to be trawling the internet sites at the moment but then again when you meet someone who ticks the boxes it is just all so easy.....it is the Mr Wrongs and Mr Wrong side of Maybe's that take up all the energy ! 

Like many of you have said on here.....it is about going with your gut feel and not putting aspects of our lives on hold unnecessarily.  As ever it will be great to be able to share this part of the journey as well as the other technical and emotional bits !!!
xxxxxx D


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## Felix42

Didi, that's great news about ski man. Wishing you lots of   It is great how things can change when we least expect them to isn't it?

I agree that it is pretty difficult to adjust to thinking of the possibility of having a dad around after adjusting to & then really starting to appreciate the idea of ttc alone. I guess we just need to stay open to the possibilities either way. 

I'm enjoying the thread about dating while pregnant Ju. It does sound a real possibility doesn't it? While on a dating site I asked their dating coach about dating while ttc and this is the response I got: 

'Morally speaking, I don't see any reason why you should not date while
trying to become pregnant, being pregnant or for that matter when you are a
mum. You say that romance and finding a soulmate are important to you and I
don't see why you should ever give up trying to fulfil these needs.
Practically speaking, if you find dating stressful than there may be an
argument that you don't want to overburden yourself by taking too much on at
the same time but if you're enjoying yourself, why not continue and see what
happens?

The question of when to tell people is harder. Clearly, there's no right
answer. If you mention it too early then the other person may feel pressured
but if you leave it quite late you risk that the other person may feel that
you haven't been honest. Also you risk your own feelings -if they are scared
off after you have made an emotional commitment that can be much more
upsetting.

I think, the answer depends partly on how quickly you become intimate with
people. Generally I would say it's a second or third date revelation, but
you should be honest from the start (if the subject comes up) about wanting
to have children. Clearly, if the relationship becomes sexual it's quite
important to be honest about contraception. But generally, so long as when
you tell them you explain that you are doing so because it's an important
part of your life rather than because you expect them to do something about
it, you have every right to expect that a decent man will not wilt under the
pressure'

I thought it was pretty good advice really. Hope it helps. 

Love & hugs to all,
Felix xx


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## Betty-Boo

Didi
am glad it's going so well - let me know when you're free to catch up and have a gossip in Scotland. Can't remember if I told you or not but the Glasgow clinic will have wigglies by October!  Plus they are now doing what I've done and importing from Denmark.  
It would be lovely though if you could do it au naturel!  
Take care and most of all enjoy what this new relationship has to bring!
Rachel x


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## Bella_donna

I absolutely love this thread!!    I just logged on and it's like all my private thoughts are mirrored back at me!

I have to say I'm a seasoned internet dater and have been on most of the main sites    Clearly I haven't had much success with it but I have got much better at picking dates. My top tip is to always speak to a man on the phone first. You can tell so much about someone over the phone. Dating Direct is a really good site for getting a good idea of someone. Most importantly they ask the question "Do you want children?" and then they ask if it's important that their partner wants children. If they tick those two boxes then they're in  

I've had most dating disasters happen to me: the man who said he was 6ft but was actually 5ft 7", the bloke who posted a photograph taken when he was 21 but was now 21 stone, the bloke who stared at my boobs ALL evening and never looked me in the eye! But most of the men I've met up with have been nice but just a bit boring...

I did meet one man, very recently who totally blew me away. In the first minute of meeting I thought, "Wow! I need to really impress you" but unfortunately after 6 hours together I'd drunk so much that I started talking about the baby thing. After several pre-dinner drinks, a bottle of wine at dinner and at least 3 cocktails I actually used the line:

"Be still my beating eggs"

...which I'd heard Dawn French say in the Vicar of Dibley a few days before and thought was hilarious! We had already agreed our second date by that point in the evening but funnily enough I never heard from him again    I wonder if I had told him I was ttc whether he would have reacted differently? I can actually see how that might put a different spin on it for men...

 Internet dating is not all bad as one of my best friends met someone on the Friends Reunited dating site last June, he proposed on New Year's Eve and they are now knee-deep in wedding plans. It's only been 9 months - so it can happen! For all you internet daters, I have to recommend a book to you called "I'm celibate get me out of here!" by Jo Elliott. It's the funniest book I've read in years and it's so accurate. She captures the ups and downs of internet dating brilliantly - and boy does she meet some weirdos (some of them scarily familiar)!

Since I started considering the donor route I've completely gone off dating and haven't renewed my internet subscriptions (I was speed dating most months too). Like Roo and Laura I can't be bothered and there feels like there's no point as I'm unlikely to meet someone who will want to work to the same timescales as me i.e. go straight to the baby-making! It's crossed my mind recently that men might quite dating a pregnant woman with no father on the scene. I really believe that deep down men still want to provide for women and they like a woman to show her vulnerable side. I'm sure I give off all the wrong vibes to men as being confident, self-sufficient etc. We're probably all screaming, "I don't need a man!" without even realising it...

I love reading your thoughts on here. It helps me feel normal when most of the time I'm made to feel abnormal for not fitting the 'perfect' mould with a husband and family. It will happen. The family might come before the husband and the family might not biologically belong to the husband but I'm starting to realise that that's perfectly okay  

M x


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## newgirlintown

Mellabella, that's hilarious   and oh so true..... I too have surfed the internet dating thing.... and been on lots of dates, thankfully not met Mr. 21/21 stone (yet) but lots of the _'nice but just a bit boring...'_ although I'm sure they probably thought the same about me. At this point I have several good friends but no lover / lovers  / or partner.....

And my hormones seem to be in hibernation most of the time so it's no great problem, I'm too focused on the ttc.... just every now and again I get 

I'm impressed with your staying power, the only people I met who I liked at a speed-dating event were the other women..... not that I was looking , but thought we'd have all had a great night out minus the men....

Nite all,
Anne x


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## ♥JJ1♥

Mellabella I have recommended the book to my internet dating friends.  3 of my friends in Ireland are doing it, I was chatting to my friend on Sunday and she said she had said 40 cut off age, not to be divorced and no children (as she had a bad experience with a divorcee with 2 older kids), she said she met this man and she thought he was a very old 40, turned out he was pushing 50, then he happened to mention divorce and then the kids! 

Another friend was going to meet a man in London and they'd been chatting she was a tall lady over 5 ft 9 and this man 'claimed' to be a 6 footer, but then he rang her and said in fact he was 5 ft 5 - in the end she didn't go as she felt what else had he lied at. Another time she went and met a Jewish man and on the second date he was very upset and didn't like independent women- this was because she worked, lived on her own and had her own mind- but what else is she supposed to do circumstances do force the situation sometimes!
L x


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## winky77

oh my giddy aunt, the posts on here are so funny......my friends and I have been sharing similar for years..... in fact I've toyed with writing a book about it...... peeved someone has beat me too it!!!....will have to get a copy! 

a few of mine and my friends classics......

the bunny boiler one.....after bumping into a guy i fancied and he was with a new date I then searched for her on the website I knew he was using...had a good eyeball at her profile to check out the competition ...and looked at his again for good measure.....and then realised this was the soulmates website with the nice little feature 'who's viewed my profile'....meaning either of them could log on and see that I'd been looking at them both !!!!  Ended up being on the internet til 5am trying to work out if I could get out of it!!  .....eventually got a response from the moderators.....and just in case any of you are as mad as me the solution is to hide your profile for at least a week until the 'who's viewed me' renews itself! 

the sad one......friend gets intimate with internet guy after second date, and he has so little visible in the pants department she actually thinks he had had a sex change......and had not thought to mention it....

the sick one.....random guy sends me a message to say I ought to go to Weightwatchers before trying internet dating.....only had a head and shoulders photo.....didn't think my face was that fat!!!!

the chancer .....had pleasant coffee with another guy...would have been up for second date until he started sending me naked torso, muscle flexing photos to my mobile asking if I could do the same.....


oh let's hope my internet days are over with the arrival of ski-man!  xx


----------



## charlottesweb

Hi ladies

What a fantastic thread...only just come across it but wish I had found it sooner. I did quite a bit of internet dating last year and some of your stories brought back horrible memories (one bloke spent hours telling me about a book he reads and re-reads called "how to make any woman fall it love with you" -     It doesn't work!!)

My story isn't very inspiring, i'm afraid. I had treatment in Feb this year and several months before that, I met a "nice" man through my sister. I was a bit apprehensive about going on a date as I had treatment looming - but, I was feeling lonely and thought it would be fun. We got on really well and I ended up telling him after a couple of dates. At first he was really great about it but then started acting strangely and finally admitted that if I got pregnant then he would end the relationship. I was rather gutted as we were getting on so well but decided to dump him myself.  

I am now 8 weeks pregnant and he is still trying to contact me to find out if the treatment worked. I assume that if it hadn't then he would be willing to start the relationship up from where we left off. I know I'm being mean   , but I find it very satisfying to avoid telling him the truth and keep him guessing (it seems the not-knowing is killing him). My sister has vowed not to tell him either.

Anyway, now I'm pregnant, I can't face the idea of a man - my hormones are raging out of control and I constantly feel sick. BUT.....when I read through this thread, I felt a pang. It would be so nice to share this with someone and Mellabella, you made me think that maybe it isn't impossible to meet someone, whatever stage you are at.

This is all so complicated!

Catherine
xxx


----------



## Felix42

Congrats Charlotte's W!  That's great news and so funny about Mr Wrong! Hope you meet him over the veg isle sometime soonish and can then proudly reveal your bump!

F xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Di - that's so funny you spending hours trying to hide the fact that you'd been 'spying' on your date and his new girl! That's the trouble with the internet - you have to be a bit careful. I have a friend who spends most of her time worrying about whether to log on to the dating site or not incase someone she has dated but isn't seeing any more sees she is online and knows she's still looking - so she ends up on line at 3am or something just to avoid him  

charlottesweb - congrats on the pregnancy and good luck for the next 7 months. Hope the sickness subsides soon. I agree with Felix - treat him mean....he's definitely not worth losing any sleep over  

Much like Mellabella, most of the met I've met through internet dating have been perfectly nice, but no real chemistry between us. 
Mind you I've had my fair share of short, balding men in their late 40s/early 50s whose profiles proclaim them to be tall with full heads of healthy hair and in their 30s....not that I necessarily have a problem with lack of hair, or older men -it's the lack of honesty that gets me down  

My sister recently had the guy who just disppeared before the first date - at 3pm he calls to arrange to meet her at 7pm. At 5pm he texts to say he's running late and then she never hears from him again. She calls/texts to make sure he's OK/alive - but he just never gets in touch again. So either he is actually dead or he's very very rude...

Gosh, just typing this makes me relieved I'm not dating right now. I love hearing everyone's stories, but I don't want to be experiencing it for myself at the moment....but good luck to all you internet daters out there, and keep the stories coming....I reckon there's room for another book here Di!

Laura
x


----------



## Felix42

Ok, how about the one that came to visit for the weekend. We got on well on the phone/email and he wanted to visit London so I agreed to meet up. From the moment we met, I just knew there was no chemistry & if it had been a blind date evening I would have been tempted to make it a shortish one. But as he was new to the city & it had sort of been billed as a weekend together I ended up calculating the minimum period it was polite to spend together (about 2-3 hours during the day & Fri, Sat & Sun evening). It all got too much for me by Sunday tho, particularly as he seemed quite keen & I didn't want to spoil his weekend by saying it wasn't mutual. I ended up pleading illness by the Sunday evening. 

Another memorably bad date was a chap who turned up late, didn't even buy me one drink & started trying to kiss me & stroke my cheek within about 15 mins of talking. He liked to take his woman shopping apparently! I guess I was meant to think, ooh rich generous man & swoon into his arms. Instead I just thought creep, let me out of here. 

Then there was the chap who actually told me that if we were to live together (this was to persuade me on a 2nd date) he'd pay 'all capital accommodation costs'. I'm still at a bit of a loss what that might have included or not! I guess he'd have had a lawyer draw something up so I was clear I needed to contribute when, say toilet roll had to be bought! 

On a happier note, my brother met his wife via an ad, I went out with one chap I met via an ad for 3 years & my current date orriginally found me online. So you never know!

As for recommended dating memoirs, I enjoyed 'Thousands of Women are Waiting to Meet You' written from a male perspective. Very interesting reading!

F xx


----------



## Bella_donna

Wow girls. Suddenly I feel I've had an easy run with my internet dating  

I love the fact there are other girls out there who are leading such similar lives. Most of you are having to endure the living-nightmare of 21st century dating, you all want babies as much as I do and you all think donor sperm is completely acceptable! Fantastic! 

Over the last 12 months, three of my best friends have got engaged/married, one has had a baby and one is just about to. There is no one in my life having the same thoughts as me or feeling what I'm feeling. Or so I thought....until you lot came along!  

Mel x

PS. Felix, I have a copy of "Thousands of women are waiting to meet you" on my bookshelf! I bought it for a single male friend to cheer him up but he started seeing someone and then she fell pregnant 6 weeks after they got together! He never did know I bought him that book    I'll dust it off and have a look...


----------



## Damelottie

I know a girl who had arrannged to meet a bloke from the internet. They were meeting in her home town. About 30 minutes before he phoned to say he was running late and could she get over to his town (about 45 minute drive). She decided she didn't want to and said no. About 30 mins later he sends her a picture message of his k**b saying 'look what you've missed out on'!!

And they say romance is dead


----------



## winky77

Oh my god Emma.....please please please let me put that one in my book!!!


----------



## tillie

Emmalottie thats soooo funny....I hope she text back saying ' well thank god for that, it would hardly have been worth the drive as my budgie is bigger'  or words to that effect purely to shut him up.  I bet she was really glad she didnt bother meeting up with such a loser


----------



## marmite_lover

I'm loving all your stories... keep em coming! 

Emma - that is awful - I can't believe he did that   

Mellabella - that made me laugh out loud about the eggs


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

I love reading this thread and email the titles of books you recommend to my friends who internet date!!

L x


----------



## Damelottie

I had the guy who said ' I don't think we'll see each other again but you're welcome to spend the night with me'


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

Emma that is shocking!  Stupid   most men do leave a lot to be desired


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

These stories are so funny, will have to recall some of my dating disaster although they are a while back, not really bothered for the last few years!  I couldn't be bothered ... even tho I was fed up of being on my own a lot of the time, I am a little wierd sometimes  

I got cancelled tonight    He was late finishing work, well was still at work when he called, has re-arranged for tomorrow so hopefully it's not because he's losing interest.  I have decided I don't like new relationships very much, I worry too much about being dumped.  Really really like him, wouldn't it be so much easier if we could read minds.  Or if men would actually say what they wanted / were looking for  

xx


----------



## Damelottie

Jovi   . I don't like new relationships either hun. I know some people think its the great fun bit - and tbh its should be - but I liked to feel more settled.

Hang on in there hun - it all sounds good to me


----------



## Felix42

Jovi, know what you mean about the start of a relationship. So much uncertainty! If he wasn't interested then he'd not have rearranged for the very next night 

Emma, what did you reply to the chancer?! I guess as bad as he was, he was more honest than some!!

I'm seeing my date again tomorrow after my holidays and I'm hoping that I feel all keen again, as absence doesn't seem to have worked its magic for me this time round, but then I think that may just be confusion on ttc. Reading about Suzie's BFP, JJ's and Dottie's news is making me think I want to get back to ttc as a single and dating is making me lose focus a bit (which I definitely don't want to do!). 
I think I just need to remind myself of my dream again & just have fun with the dating. 

F xx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

Had a lovely time again    Next installment is Wednesday night.  He was talking about plans for May so   that everything is going in the right direction, he is very lovely.  We were chatting and he said something along the lines of 'you can tell your friends your boyfriend .....' - just a silly little thing but made me feel all gooey to hear him say boyfriend    

Hows it going Felix & Didi?

I wonder how Zoopy is getting on with pram man?

Jovi x


----------



## Damelottie

WOW JOVI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He used the B word      . A good sign indeed  

I had a nice date today. A toyboy indeed!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Jovi fantastic news delighted for you!!!
L x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Ooh, Jovi's got a BOYFRIEND   

How exciting....so very happy for you...we'll have to rename this board soon what with all these single girlies finding their Mr Rights  

Laura
x


----------



## kylecat

Fab news Jovi - you've got a good one there!!!  

Really pleased for you that everything is going well! 

Katiexx


----------



## Felix42

Great news indeed Jovi. Mention of the boyfriend word is a big deal indeed!

Oo, Emma a toy boy eh? Mine's one of those too - its all relative though - just 3 years younger. 

F xx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

You lot have made me giggle tonight.

Emma a toy boy?  Come on dish the dirt    

Felix have you got the next date lined up?  Do you see each other quite often?

Jovi x


----------



## marmite_lover

Jovi - so pleased you had a good time with your NM>  And using the B word and talking about May - I don't think you have any worries that he's losing interest!  I'm really pleased for you hun  

Come on Emma - give us the goss - how did it go with the toyboy?


----------



## Felix42

Hello there Jovi. My next date's on Saturday. We've tended to see each other about once a week so far just because we've both got things on or are traveling with work. I'm at the stage where things either get more serious or peter out. Hopefully the former but I'm a devil. If someone is 'too keen' and I don't feel I have to work for it, I can lose interest. My, we can be a perverse lot can't we!? Its a stupid way to be I know, so I'm reminding myself of how lovely he is and just seeing how things go at the moment. 

So pleased things are going so well with you. Its one of those lovely stories you hear about - where people lose touch only to find each other years later. 

Go on Emma, give us the goss on Toy Boy!

F xx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

Emma, just wanted to say



So much.

Phew!


----------



## Damelottie

Aw thanks Jovi

Anytime hun   . We've all been there   

But all's well


----------



## winky77

Hello girls.......sorry I've been AWOL...got distracted from my path by the lovely SkiMan.  But sad to say it is all off....     Long story but basically is a case of right man;wrong time.  He's very preoccupied with work at the mo and actually very very stressed out leaving no real capacity to build a relationship right now.  I am actually very worried about the effect of the stress on him but it's difficult to be able to help. Being a bloke he is now retreating into his cave to sort his life out on his own!    The awful shame is that our feelings for each other are still as strong as ever -    I could really envisage a future with this guy and as we all know that kind of connection doesn't come around that often.    But he wants to be able to do things right relationship wise and is adding to his stress by feeling he isn't achieving that. So we are going to cool things down to just be friends for now.....but how do you do that when the attraction is still there?     It's possible we may pick up again in the future but in the meantime I can't put my life and particularly by TTC plans on hold.  So tis back to the plan.  I am aiming for first IUI in 6weeks time - 2 weeks time just seemed too close....not emotionally ready to fill in that donor characteristic form in the next few days....I'd be putting stuff like must be a good skier and live in Scotland!    

so Jovi, Felix and Emma - it's up to you girls to keep up our dating TTC thread active ! 

onwards and upwards.....D x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Sorry to hear that didi - never say I never I say... the future is a strange place.
All the best with your forthcoming IUI.

Take care
Rachel


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Didi  sorry that it isn't the right time for ski man- but good that you are going to still be friends- you never know he might sort his stresses out and realise what he is missing and change his ways - sometimes men need a wake up call. I guess it is also hard as he knows about your desire to TTC and probably doesn't want to hold you back from your plans either.

Great news that you are going ahead with your IUI so soon!! are you having medicated or not IUI? a new year baby perhaps!!!

Take care hun.
L x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Didi,



Very sorry about the situation with ski man. It's good that you are going to stay friends but as you say, it's so incredibly hard to just switch off the feelings you have for eachother. I have similar (although worse because he's married and not going to leave his family) situation with work guy - we have both admitted how we feel but have agreed to be friends/colleagues and no more - I find it really really difficult to deal with this especially when he continues to tell me how unhappy he is in his marriage....

But anyway, enough of me and my troubles. As Rachel says, you never know what the future holds and hopefully once he's worked his way through the work/stress situation, you two will be able to devote some time to building up a relationship together. 
And in the meantime, it's great that you are pushing ahead with the ttc plans. 

I've been having a month off this month, and it's been quite refreshing not thinking about clinic appts and what day it is (ie it's day 13 today, I must be ovulating soon   )
But will be back to it next month for sure, just need to decide whether to go for another IUI or whether to go for IVF...seeing consultant next week

You take care and good luck with putting those plans into place
Laura
x


----------



## Felix42

Didi, really sorry to hear that things are stalled with ski man at the moment.  Best to decide now as you say and take the pressure off.  Timing is such a key thing isn't it?  Fingers crossed that this is just a temporary setback.  Good for you to keep going with your ttc plans.

Hope all is going well with you Jovi and Emma?

Mine is a bit stalled at the moment as things are not quite as they seemed with my man.  I knew he was living with his ex still but I'd assumed as flatmates only.  It appears that they were still sleeping in the same bed until very recently.  I'm planning to either take a few steps back as a result while he sorts out his domestics or indeed stop things completely as I'm so disillusioned he's not been entirely honest with me (by omission rather than lies but it amounts to the same thing really).  Oh well, makes you realise how good being single is!

F xx


----------



## dottiep

Hi Di,

good to hear from you! Although sorry to hear things not working out with ski-man- As the others say, you never know what may happen..... You did make me smile with your 'scottish ski-er' comment on the donor form!    Welcome back to the tx rollercoaster!

Felix - mmm... I can understand why you are feeling like taking a step back. Why can't guys just be honest & up front??  I do hope you work things out.

Laura - glad you're enjoying your month off. When are you seeing consultant & which one??

Dx


----------



## Felix42

Well, I'm single again too. I finally got a straight answer in an email from my chap and yes he had only just moved into the spare room!  As if that's not bad enough, he also included a lot of vitriol accusing me completely unfoundedly of various things.  I couldn't even talk to him after that.  It's one thing to find out that your boyfriend thinks it's normal to carry on sleeping in the same bed as his ex while going out with you, it's quite another to be attacked for asking a completely reasonable question about those sleeping arrangements (when something he's said makes you start wondering).  

I'm afraid I just wrote back to say goodbye and I've not answered his calls.  It's the coward's way out I know, but I'm feeling so disillusioned about it all and hurt by his attacks.  Also how on earth could I possibly explain that continuing to sleep in the same bed with your 'ex' after 'splitting up' is not normal for most people, if someone thinks it is.  Feeling really sad .... and sorry that I've hurt his feelings too.

Hope you are feeling ok Didi.  Have you seen ski man again since you agreed on friends?

How's things with you Jovi?  Good I hope.  I have everything crossed for you!

Emma, how's toy boy?

Laura, hope you're having a good month off ... and good luck, Dottie with the 2WW.    

F xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Felix- So sorry that your relationship is over hun  - but I totally agree with you, I wouldn't have stood for him living in the same house let alone the same room and bed! (Although my friend ended up trapped in the same flat for 2 months after her and ex bf split up- but he was in the spare room and lived separate lives- he even got himself a new gf!  within weeks).

How can men think it is acceptable to behave that way (and who knows have their cake and eat it) and then have the audacity to attack you! I think if people aren't honest from the start when does trust and integrity start in a  relationship.
I wouldn't feel sorry for hurting his feelings 

Jovi - Hope your boyfriend is behaving and treating you well!!

Emm- is toy boy getting a secoind date, and most importantly is he a dog lover!
Take care girls
L x


----------



## Felix42

Thanks JJ.  That really helps.   When he keeps saying how unimportant it is (sleeping in the same bed) over and over and what a small thing to split up about and we can sort it all out, it's all too possible to start questoning my own reactions.  He's now bombarding me with texts and calls and insisting that I talk to him! I think I'll go and have a nice relaxing bath to try and get calmer.

F xx


----------



## winky77

Hello everyone, 
Felix - sorry you've joined me in the single again camp!  What is it with men and what they think they can get away with!??!  derr ! 

Thanks for all the positive wishes in my attempts to get over SkiMan.  The last few days have been tough. I just feel so sad and heavy hearted but I am trying to put a brave face on it and get on with things. The night we agreed to cool it he was saying that he still wanted to come over to mine one day this week. I agreed at first but then later said I didn't want to him to as I needed a bit of space to get my head round things. Probably sensible. But of course I am know desperate to see him again! 

I'm posting elsewhere about another little complication to it......took a bit of a risk when I was ovulating 2wks ago....unlikely to mean   but small small chance.  Have realised I'd be delighted if I was, but then just found out today that I've been exposed to chickenpox virus (and I haven't had it!)  Why is life never straightforward?!

xD


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Didi - I know at work (nursing) there have been a few girls over the years who have not had chicken pox and so when we have a contact they have to have enforced sick leave for 3 weeks to prevent contact contamination, also the pregnant girls they ZIG'd (zoster immuno globulin)
http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/174_06_190301/heuchan/heuchan.html )as they do the onocology and prem babies.

On NICU we refuse to employ staff who are not immune, or refuse to have the vaccinations to become immune, as it would put the babies at risk. Maybe contact your occ health dept or micro as well and discuss.

But there was a drive a few years ago to vaccinate all healthcare workers so your Trust should have acted to prevent we all got leaflets but still we get Drs who fall through the gap.
http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_4065217.pdf

http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publicationsandstatistics/Lettersandcirculars/Professionalletters/Chiefmedicalofficerletters/DH_4065215

I really hope that you don't get it- I got it for a second time as an adult despite having it as a child and blood test proving immunity when I started training, but was told it must have been a different strain adn I was unlucky.

Have your immunity retested and maybe there might be some mileage in taking oral acilcovir just in case - 'Oral aciclovir prophylaxis should be considered for susceptible pregnant women exposed to VZV who did not receive ZIG or have risk factors for severe disease'

Take care.
L x

/links


----------



## winky77

Thanks for the info JJ.   has now arrived which might be a blessing chickenpox wise but am also disappointed my daft risk didn't pay off!  I am really hoping I don't get the pox. I think I will ask my GP to test me for immunity if I don't. It is something I have never thought off before but for me being self employed it is a disaster if I get ill ....no sick pay and lost revenue if I have to cancel workshops!  If there is some kind of vaccine or preventative thing I can do it would be worth it.  I am spending more and more time around children what with my own TTC plans and the fact that friends are having babies so it is something I am likely to get more rather than less exposure to in future. 

Come next Saturday when it will be the start of the poss incubation period I am going to be scrutinising every inch of me for tell tale spots!!  Please let me not get it!!!    

..Dxx


----------



## Felix42

Didi, sorry to hear that AF has arrived but as you say with the chance of chicken pox then its probably for the best.  CP antibodies is one of the tests that LWC insist on as far as I can remember, so you probably need to get a jab before starting treatment in any case.  Do hope that you don't get it full blown before that.  

Rose, that's really difficult that you're continuing to get such mixed messages from your ex.  It's not long since the split though as you say.  So difficult for you though when you're also trying to decide what to do about ttc.  Good for you having the AMH test.  Hopefully it will help your decision making.  I must admit I don't dare get it done really as at my age I suspect it could only offer bad news.

Things seem to have calmed down from yesterday with my (now) ex.  After lots of calls and texts yesterday afternoon, he started threatening to come round even though I'd expressly said I didn't want to see him and his tone worried me so I spent the evening at a friend's.  It's all much calmer today though and he seems to have accepted it.  So I'm feeling relieved but sad and sort of mourning the man/baby dream afresh.   Better to ttc on our own though than do it with absolutely the wrong man. 

Hope everyone is having a lovely evening and you are fighting off the germs Didi!

F xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Felix - so sorry to hear things didn't work out, but it sounds like a bit of a lucky escape....what sort of guy continues to sleep in his ex-girlfriend's bed, lies about it (and let's face it, letting you think they were sleeping in separate beds is as much a lie as actually telling you they were sleeping in separate beds) and then expects you to be OK about it when you find out?

Di - hang in there, must be v. hard when of course you want to see him, but probably best to have a little space for a while. It's so very difficult to be friends with someone you have feelings for....of course only you know what's best for you, but I've always found it best to put a bit of distance between me and them in these sorts of situations (just wish I could do that with the guy I now have to work with on a daily basis....)

Rose - welcome back! Glad you had a lovely holiday....

Will post more soon, am completely exhausted after a weekend with my niece and nephew, need to have something to eat, a bath and early night I think...

Laura
x


----------



## kylecat

Hi girls - have been awol for a few days - my best friend has been visiting me from manchester and we've been out and about doing lots of lovely things! 

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear that things have gone wrong for both Didi and Felix in the man department. I cannot offer any advice as all the other girls have done that but just wanted to say that I hope that you both feel a little happier soon  

Rose - glad you enjoyed your holiday - things seem very confusing with your ex at the moment. I think it seems sensible to be patient and see how things pan out. However the waiting is agonising - hope thing work out soon  

Jovi - hope new man is still treating you well and you are having lots of fun  

Love to all

Katiexxx


----------



## dottiep

Felix - Just to say I totally agree with the other girls... the guy is completely out of order but they do sometimes make us question our own sanity from time to time.  Sorry you had to spend the night away - it really shouldn't come to that, but glad you are feeling a bit better.

Di - fingers crossed it's not chicken pox....not sure if I've had it myself actually? 

Take care all
Dx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥

Di sorry to hear about ski-man hun, it is difficult staying friends, especially when those feelings are still there.  Hope you feel better soon  

Felix what a rat!  I find it really hard to get my head round how people can treat someone like that.  Glad things have calmed down today, you take care of yourself and treat yourself to something nice.  Lying is the ultimate sin for me, just can't abide it.

Rose hope you manage to get things sorted with your ex, breaking up is so hard.  Must be so difficult for you, you obviously still care for each other a lot. 

I've had a really nice weekend, we went out for dinner last night and today we went walking for a couple of hours at a country park.  I am very tired tonight, I'm not used to all this excitement and being so busy!  It's nice having him around, I really could get used to this, I feel good when I'm with him, I start looking forward to next time so soon as he's left.  I so want this to work out  

Take care all,
Love
Jovi x


----------



## dottiep

Jovi - how exciting!  I'll start saving for a hat!    

Dx


----------



## ♥Jovial♥




----------



## Felix42

Ooo, Jovi, that's sounding so promising.  It's great to be looking forward to meeting someone so much isn't it.  Sounds like you're seeing him a good deal too.  Exellent news.

Laura, that must be so difficult having to see someone every day at work when you've got strong feelings but he's attached.  

Didi and Rose, hope you're both doing ok?  

My ex seems to be starting to be reconciled which is a relief.  

Hugs to all,
Felix xx


----------



## marmite_lover

Just to echo what the others have said, I am really sorry Didi and Felix that things haven't worked out with your NM  

Rose - great to haer from yo.  It must be very diificult when you are getting mixed messages from your ex - I think you are doing the right thing and giving him the space he neeeds - I am a firm bleiever that what is meant to be will be

Jovi - sooo glad things are going well with your NM  .  

Emma - how are things with the toyboy?

xx


----------



## winky77

hi girls.....

how u doing Felix?  Letting go of the Man+Baby dream all over again is hard isn't it?!  Tis one week since I saw SkiMan and we called it off and I think I feel worse than I did a week ago?!?  I am really really really missing him.  I've deliberately limited contact cos I think we both need a bit of space but it's also driving me insane. Mum said don't give him too much space because that becomes a gap.....  Over the weekend I was hearing secondhand and thirdhand from others about where he was and what he was doing...including what he was saying about what happened with us....most of which is probably distorted interpretation.  In the end i have decided it is between me and him and that's the only real conversation I should really listen too.  I can't secondguess how he is feeling from what other people are saying.......altho I have tried...!!  

Anyway, we are both going to be at big Rugby event on Saturday.....and he is apparently pleased I am going (that's more hearsay from others!) .  Only problem is that there's a big gang going from the social club and it could be another goldfish bowl experience of being the centre of gossip....which I hate.  I am going to have to make sure that doesn't happen by mingling with the other thousands who are going too!  And I am driving so I can stay sober...for a change!  It will be interesting to see how we both feel seeing each other again......I'll post on sunday to update! 

Ok....must go and do some work...I am finding it so hard to focus at the mo! 

..D


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## ♥Jovial♥

Hi Girls,

Didi hope Saturday was ok .... did you get to see and speak to ski-man?  I do hope you had a good time and didn't find the night too upsetting, it is so difficult.

I have had a great weekend, we done a little talking and I told him I had been married and was divorced, was a conversation I was absolutely dreading, I can't help but feel ashamed about it, now I don't know what all the worrying was about!  I'm trying really hard not to rush in to quickly but I'm starting (daring!) to believe this was just meant to happen, there are just too many coincidences, we have both been through similar things at around the same times that has led us to where we are in life now. Then we find each other again. And neither of us had used ******** before, we registered within a couple of weeks of each other, he only signed up to look at some photos his friend had put on there he never uses it!  I am so very glad I sent him that message    

I feel like i've been smiling all weekend, I'm not used to it and I can't stop thinking about him.

Oh dear I am going on a bit  

Love
Jovi 
x


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## marmite_lover

Didi - hope things went okay on Saturday and that it wasn't too upsetting for you  

Jovi - it all sounds wonderful, I am so happy for you.  It sounds to me like you two were meant to be - enjoy every second hun


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## some1

Jovi - just wanted to second what Karen says - things are sounding very good  - I hope things keep getting better and better!

Some1

xx


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## winky77

Hi Girls.....

Jovi.....tis sounding good....keeping it all crossed for you! 

So I saw SkiMan on Saturday  (ps. does anyone else get nervous and paranoid that anybody can read these posts even if not a member of FF!??!?!?)  Well, I had to endure what I didn't want to endure which was walking into a group of 20 people from the social club and that being the first time I'd seen him in 10 days.(and knowing everyone knew about the fact we'd cooled things).  Anyway, we got chance to have a proper catch up later. Turns out he'd taken my comment about not wanting him to come over to Stirling cos I needed some space as a sort of ban from contacting me in any shape or form which explains the lack of contact (one email and one text in the 10days!)  Upshot is that he had been wanting to contact me, was still full of compliments and positive stuff about me, said he'd missed me etc.....but but but.....he's still in deep stress mode with work etc and still only focussing on that with no capacity for anything else e.g. building a relationship.  It was so nice to see him tho and I still have really strong feelings but I actually also think my reservations have got worse....I'm just disappointed he hasn't got his act together yet.....and now feel I'd have to see that he was making changes before I had the confidence to get back into a relationship (if that was a possiblility).. Does this makes sense ?!?  Sort of like I've taken the rose coloured spectacles off now I'm not actually in the relationship. 

I also told him I wasn't preggers from our little Easter 'risk' and he said it was a shame.....I think he really does mean that but it also messes with my head to hear it....

anyway....overall I am feeling stronger....I am going to get on with my own stuff....IUI in 5 weeks ....am off to a health spa a week on friday.....long weekend in NYC 2 weeks after that to meet up with my friend from California (sort of halfway!) and then we're in Stratford the weekend after that......all good distractions!  I've also booked my annual yoga week in Spain in June.....cos can do that even if possibly pregnant! 

onwards and upwards.......xx


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## ♥JJ1♥

Wow Didi you are a busy lady- nothing like keeping busy but international social calendar!!  Well done for 'surviving' the first meeting. I wonder if skiman will give himself the time and sapce to see what he is missing, or one day it will be too late, and he'll end up ill thru stress, burnt out and alone. but I guess that there is nothing you can do to help him, you have made the space and the rest is up to him!

I know what you mean about people reading the thread, but if they are that bothered leave them to it!! Except on the psychic thread we were all buying reading from a woman on ebay called Lesley and a few of us thought she'd be on the thread as she thought everyone was having IVF!! even our friends who weren't IVFing, TTC- and we all say 'tell us how the reading goes tonight' !! It was funny. Some people post only in the VIP section as that can only be accessed by people with the multi coloured stars and members. I very occasionally take a peek at work but never log in! even though our work's IT dept can track every website visited as my colleague rang the help desk with a problem and they told her that they could see she had been accesing Arsenal's website for X minutes and what times, she was no more a football fan than me, but it was the Bank uni temp when she was out the office!!! I suppose it could have been worse half the portering Dept have been sacked for accessing porn!

Take care L x


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## Betty-Boo

Well - a couple of months ago I posted saying how a friend was setting me up with a friend of hers.  He pulled out at the last minute due to work stress - a couple of weeks back we literally bumped into each other and since then he's been asking after me.  so today, plucked up the courage and rang him to arrange a meeting (under the guise of work).  So we're meeting up in a couple of weeks!  Scary.  At least can hide behind the work facade!
Not sure if my mind is in the right place with all that's happened regarding the IVF, but then again do quite fancy a snog!  So you never know!!! 
Hope everyone else is ok too!
Take care
Rachel x


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## tillie

Ah nice one, I hope it works out and you get your snog   Keep us updated.


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## ♥Jovial♥

Go for it Rachel, absolutely nothing to lose, we all deserve a little fun - and a snog  

Love
Jovi xx


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## ♥JJ1♥

Ladies the place that is secure and not open is the VIP section, to get it you need to make a small donation to FF etc
L x


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## Damelottie




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## Annaleah

Hi all, 
Fairly new to the site but think this is a great thread. Ju, I like the idea that men should add value not use up our precious emotional energy (i'm sure we all use enough on TTC).  I am due to start first DIUI cycle in July and am still dating (got a date this Thurs).  I have used dating direct in the past as well as plentyoffish (which is completely free) some decent guys on there though also some strange folk like all the sites. 

Reading through the thread made me reflect on a recent experience.  Gonna be a bit self indulgent and share it...Started seeing a guy in Jan who I was smitten with, but who had just come out of a 7yr rel'ship so said he wasn't ready for anything serious - and was enjoying his new found freedom.  I took what I could and secretly wished for a happy mishap! However, I saw him when he was free, not as much as I wanted (my butterflies would jump when he called) and always had that sinking feeling when he left. I came to the conclusion that it would be something of an emotional disaster to fall pregnant with him as it would make it difficult to get over him/ move on and deep down I know that I would be tied to him emotionally no matter how resilient I think I might be.  Things work out in a funny way but I'm glad i'm no longer waiting for him to call and wishing for a happy accident, as I think it would give me more pain in the long run. 

Looking forward to July...but I know the TTC thing could take a lifetime so I'm not prepared to close off other opportunities in the meantime and it definitely takes the pressure off trying to find someone with good genes, motile sperm and a similar urgency to conceive (I think that's more pressure than most new relationships can manage!!).  Well wishes for all those doing similar juggling- it's like throwing all your balls, money and emotions in the air and not quite knowing where they're going to land.
Francesca


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## Felix42

Hello Francesca, I meant to reply earlier. How did your date go? Was it a first date or a repeat? & have you told any date about ttc?

It is good to be able to still be able to date while ttc isn't it? I'm still trying though it can get a bit frustrating (and distracting). I had one date on Thursday from My Single Friend - nice chap but no obvious chemistry and it felt more like meeting up with a friend & although that's important, its love and romance I'm looking for. 

Jovi, how are you doing & when's your holiday with your man? 

Love & hugs, Felix xx


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## winky77

Hi girls....interesting thinking about this whole to date or not to date whilst TTC!  I was talking to a friend about it yesterday and she put a whole different perspective on it for me similar to what Francesca was talking about.  She suggested I just think of dating as 'just dating'....getting some male attention, meeting new people, having a bit of fun....instead of thinking of it as finding my life partner......the penny dropped......I honestly don't think I've ever 'just dated' since I was a teenager.  Post divorce I've always been looking for the next future partner potential.  The one exception has been when I've been on holiday and meeting people where I start out thinking there is no future in it because we live in different countries etc.....and reflecting on the last few years...guess where I have been more successful in meeting guys....on holiday !!!  Obviously I am giving off a different vibe on home territory and probably sending the poor souls scurrying in the opposite direction!!!  

So my intention now is to just have some fun dating.....and park the whole relationship thing on a back burner....and if I do happen to meet someone very special then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it ! 
..Di xx


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## Annaleah

Hi all,  Felix, I didn't get to the date we both had to cancel and I've been busy this week and away in prague next week so we've agreed to meet when I get back.  My friends and family know about me TTC but haven't told any dates yet as recent ones i've only met 2-3 times. If I met someone who I thought might develop into a relationship then I'm pretty sure I would discuss my plans and see how they felt.  I would find it hard to put TTC plans on hold every time I met someone who might lead to a lasting rel'ship but at the same time if it was someone promising I may like to give it a go (without the complication of me TTC). 
Have amusing dating stories but it all feels ok as I'm not looking to each as a potential father/ donor which takes so much pressure off (and going with what Di said - it also means I'm not giving off vibes to blokes like "are you marriage material?" "I wonder if your sperm can swim upstream" etc - I get the sense that men don't run away so fast if there's no pressure to reproduce to our timescale) Francesca x


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## Adelphi

Hello,
I went on a single traveller holiday to get some early summer sun. As always the women are great and there are a few chaps around but never my type.
This time the group was great fun and one of the chaps took quite a serious shining to me. He started following me around like a bit of a puppy dog. He is good looking but we lead different lives and have very different personalities. 
Through no encouragement from me he seems to be hinting that he is in love (I have never experienced such speed before). I'm quite shocked by it actually.

I seem to have started ovulating again and the temptation is pretty great. My window of opportunity is minuscule. I suspect he would want to have a baby with me. To be honset I'm a little nervous about what to do.
I think it is the the fact that we are very different people. We certainly could be friends as he is very sweet. I'm just not sure about a long term relationship.
He is yet to return and meet me in the UK.

Am I being too analytical?

I haven't had a relationship for a long time and I do need to be in one (for obvious reasons). This kind of puts me in mind of the issues that disappear when using a donor facility. I would never really know an individual's intellect or personality as such..


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## Felix42

Adelphi, good to hear from you and so pleased you had a nice holiday & have secured a very interested admirer!

It is a difficult one isn't it? I guess only you can know whether you should consider him as a potential father. 

It is difficult to get to know someone quickly, but it does happen that things can just fall into place. In your situation, I'd try to find out as much as possible about him, be honest about your goal of having a child and keep your options open. 

 for you!

Felix xx


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