# just want to be me again



## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

so fed up of the person infertility is turning me in to, I used to be happy carefree the life and soul but these days I just seem to be grumpy miserable bitter jealous and empty. I just want to be the old me again and have some fun im starting to get on my own nerves now every day is a constant struggle with my emotions and im tired and drained so do me a favour infertility and do one   rant over


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Great rant and I fully agree. I can honestly say I feel like a shell of my former self.


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

I feel exactly the same way, it's an evil thing that must be stopped!

Pudding
X


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Tee hee Pudding  

I can honestly say that I don't recognise the woman that I've become.  I've never been this person, I don't know where she's come from!

xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hey I felt like that months ago and I'd had enough and saw my doctor who suggested counselling at first I didn't want to do it for all sorts of reasons but decided I couldn't go on like this anymore and tried it and it's helped so much I couldn't recommend it enough. My first appointment I cried and crammed everything in I wanted to say abd my counsellor was so nice. I did leave feeling really tired and drained but I felt I had a spring in my step just letting it out. She helped me to become my normal self. I'm now on my 5th session and feeling better already. Give it a go


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## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

thanks everyone I really hate this person ive become, I have thought about councilling but not sure how to go about it


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

My clinic nursing staff gave me a number for a counsellor, we spoke on the phone but haven't meet in person, it still really helped did my upcoming cycle isn't successful I wilder be going to see her!

Have you started treatment yet? Can you ask your clinic or maybe your GP.

Pudding
X


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## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

my doctor wasn't very helpful I was sent to a specialist who just told me I wouldn't be allowed treatment as my bmi was too high


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Charden, do you mind me asking what your BMI is, how much do you need to lose? You don't have to answer if you don't want to!

I was told last week that my BMI is too high for my next cycle and I needed to lose about 9kgs in three weeks before the cycle would be starting, I have lost almost 3kgs so far and feel confident I can shift the rest.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in Jan and have been on Metformin, I was also diagnosed with an under active thyroid and am on thyroxine.

The PCOS and the hypothyroidism have made it hard for me to lose weight in the past, have you had your thyroid checked? 

Are you on Metformin for the PCOS?

I'm so sorry if I sound like I am asking too many questions and trying to fix your problems but your posts have really touched me and if I can help I would like to, even if all I can offer is support!

Pudding
X


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

My doctor referred me after me breaking down in the surgery   but I did have to wait a few weeks.  You can also look on the internet at counsellors in your area perhaps give them a call to help you x


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

I found the NHS absolutely useless in dealing with mental health, mine simply didn't seem to care and just wanted to ply me with anti-depressants.  They said it was better than waiting as the queue for counselling was at least 8 months  .  Private is the way to go I think, at least you can look for someone who specialises in infertility.  It comes with a huge cost though, we couldn't afford it in the end.

I'm up for anything that helps me to be a better person in dealing with what this does to me.  I saw a recommendation for a book on one of the other threads called the Pursuit of Motherhood by Jessica Hepburn.  I haven't finished it but it's amazing.  It's like I'm reading something I've written, her dallies into madness, bitterness and the impact on her relationship is just so familiar.  I don't know what it is but something has really struck a chord in me, it has really made me think about what I've become and what I want to do about it.  

Take care of yourselves, sometimes I think that we're the only ones that can change ourselves during this.  We have to do whatever we can to find hope and make it last. xxxx


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## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

thanks pudding, cant remember what bmi was i was too upset to think at the time ive alwys been big so i know i will never have a small enough bmi for treatment. i had thyroid test a while ago all normal. i moved recently so going to find a new doctor and see if they are more helpful i hope so i cant go on feeling like this anymore. thanks for ur lovely words its nice to know someone understands and cares i have nobody i can talk to about all of this xxx


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## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

thanks pudding, cant remember what bmi was i was too upset to think at the time ive alwys been big so i know i will never have a small enough bmi for treatment. i had thyroid test a while ago all normal. i moved recently so going to find a new doctor and see if they are more helpful i hope so i cant go on feeling like this anymore. thanks for ur lovely words its nice to know someone understands and cares i have nobody i can talk to about all of this xxx


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Charden

You can check you BMI on line just enter weight and height, you should def do it so you know what your goal is and how much work you have to do!

You can shift the weight babes it's just a question of finding the way that works for you! I never give up and neither should you!

You obviously want to have treatment or you wouldn't have joined FF or posted on here so let's see what we can do okay!

Right, I will take your silence as a yes! 

So step one, download My Fitness Pal onto your phone or tablet, you enter all your vital stats and then each day you record what you eat and exercise, actually doing this makes you think about it and it is amazing what difference it makes. You tell it what you goal weight is and it tells you how much you can eat!

Step two, download Map My Walk, it will measure how many calories you burn when you walk, walking is a great way to kick off a new exercise regime and seeing the calories burned really makes you get motivated! I have two dogs so need to walk a lot but you can walk for yourself, put motivational music on and get striding!!!!

Step three, do other exercise, I work out at home, I have an exercise bike and I watch tv while I do it it's really not that bad! I have also signed myself and friend up for aqua jog at a leisure centre, very excited about that.

Step four, find out what your thyroid level actually was, my GP did mine a few years ago and told me that all was fine, I didn't ask what the count was, it was 3.47 which  is still high but acceptable for normal health, for TTC it should be between 1 & 2, the closer to one the better! So perhaps getting it done again wouldn't hurt if you have a new GP.

Step five, stay positive and think about your goal! If you start to lose positivity PM me and I will buoy you back up!

You can do it I know you can!

Pudding
X


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## NickiCB (Nov 5, 2013)

I really feel for you Charden! I have severe PCOS and 2 years ago had a BMI of 43 😞 I'd always been overweight and convinced myself like so many that I was big boned, meant to be cuddly etc etc

I lost 7 stone and got to bmi 29.1, all done through diet and exercise and with the help and support of my GP. Never give up hope!  I never thought I would have been able to do it, we have so much strength inside of us we just need to find it.  I will warn you when you get your treatment, it will make you put weight on, but I'm hoping it will all be worth it.

Stay strong and stay positive x


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## charden79 (Dec 28, 2013)

thanks everyone xx


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