# Finally I've got the courage to write a message! x ~



## Tessie* (Nov 11, 2007)

Hey!

Today is the first time I have actually got the courage to leave a message! I have being reading these pages for the last however months and found it an amazing support. 

At the start of the year DH was diagnosed with an extremely low sperm count resulting in us being unable to conceive naturally. I found this so hard to accept and seemed to go into a logical mode of trying to find out as much as I could about infertility and what processes we had to follow so we could start treatment. Looking back now I wish I had allowed myself emotionally to come to terms with our situation.

We started our first ICSI treatment at the end of September. 12 eggs were collected and so we went for Blastacyst. Just one embie survived and made it back into 'the nest'. Unfortunately on day 13 I started to get some bleeding and then last Friday we received the devastating news of a BFN! We knew the odds were against us and tried to prepare ourselves for the worst, but nothing prepares you for that phone call when they confirm the news.

How do I feel now? Really sad! I can really relate to so many postings on this site and have read so many with tears rolling down my cheeks. It really has been a life line to me, particularly over the last few days. DH has been amazing and it has really helped us both knowing there are people out there that can relate to how we feel. I think the emotions from the last few months are starting to take it's toll. I have so many questions about our treatment, but we can't see the consultant for a few weeks.

For me now it's how I move on. At the moment normality seems so far away, but I know it will come, eventually!

T xx


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

Welcome Tessie
FF is certainly a fantastic place to get support and make some amazing friends which i have done over the 4 odd years i have been a member.
Huge     for your recent BFN it is so hard to see a way through at the moment but u will get through it. As for normal life i dont think it ever gets back to normal unfortunatly infertiltiy is normal for me now    
I hope u get some answers from your clinic when u see your cons.
Take great care
lol
Lou


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## Bernie76 (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi Tessie,

I am a fairly new here too. Just registered a few weeks ago. Like so many others here at FF I can relate to how you are feeling. Myself and dh set our sights on IUI and after 6 failed iuis we were shattered. On the 5th attempt my periods were over 2 weeks late and we really thought we had done it. Then of course they arrived. I sometimes wonder if something did happen then, guess I will never know. I know how difficult it is to lift yourself and remain motivated/positive. Accept the bad days when they come. Have a good cry, it is no good bottling things up as that just makes things worse. You will get through the low points and then find the strength to pick youself up and focus again. I can't believe I am actually writing these words as when I get low I get really low but I have learned how to deal with it a bit better now. It is def good to be able to put feelings into words here at FF. You should find it really helps. Take care    xx


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## Fluffywithteeth (Sep 25, 2006)

So very sorry for your loss. Do give yourself time to grieve after all that you put into this process. As the other ladies have said you will find the strength
Take very good care
Fluffyx


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## carrott (Oct 20, 2007)

Hiya Tessie,

I am sorry to hear of you recent BFN   to you and DH. At this moment in time you will still feel very raw but I promise you it does get better with time. It is such an emotional rollercoaster and when you get that BFN at the end of your cycle it really is hard. All I can say to you is stay strong with DH and when you have had an opportunity to speak to your unit you will be more clear of your options available. i had the very same as you and ICSI is really hard work - it was so devastating for us that we had a three year break and are now doing IUI with donor sperm - back then I didnt know about FF but wished I had as I find it really good support.

Take care of yourself and best wishes for whatever you and DH decide in the future

Love Cxxxxxxx


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## caline (Nov 12, 2006)

Hi Tessie  

Well done on finding the courage to reach out and leave a message. We are all more or less in the same situation so you will find lots of support though FF. Medically we can have different stories but the rollercoaster of emotions are shared by us all. I first posted on FF a year ago and the group I chat with have saved my sanity. We manage to share a few laughs as well on FF. 

Good luck with your appointment.

Caline x


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

hi tessie,

just wanted to say hi, and best of luck. Its a long & difficult journey that tugs at your heart strings, you just get used to living with it, im sure it does end, eventually!  

i recommend seeing a counsellor once or twice as they are experts and it can make you feel like a weight has been lifted (your hospital can give you details & it should be free). 

theres a good book by "alice d domar" on infertility thats very useful too called "conquering infertility".

Try to get some walking/exercise in as it makes you feel better (hope ive helped!)


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## Tessie* (Nov 11, 2007)

Thank you so much for your amazing messages of support. It means so much to know that there are other people out there that understand how we feel. Just reading your messages has already helped me to start to think about what happens next. 

I still had a 'moment' today with some tears but understand that they are only naturally and that there is no need to fight them. Me and my embie had our time together and I wont ever forget that.

I'm so glad I found FF.

T xx


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## Fluffywithteeth (Sep 25, 2006)

Hi Tessie
The feeling of not being alone makes such a huge difference doesn't it?
Wishign you all the very best with the next part of your journey
fluffyx


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## sarah sez (Oct 24, 2007)

Welcome Tessie  

Have found FF a godsend!

 for me today so feel really  

Please stay   there are lots of us out there who understand!

Sarah xxxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Tessie   I am so sorry that the ICSI did not work for you this time, there are few words I can offer that others here have not already said, I hope that with the support and knowledge of all our Members here you will be able to grieve and move forward and try again, Whatever you do or dont do, we are here for you.

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

Negative cycle - 
CLICK HERE

Meanings ~
CLICK HERE

FAQ ~
CLICK HERE

G&B - Community board
CLICK HERE

Male factors -CLICK HERE

For the ICSI board -CLICK HERE

ICSI Follow up Questions
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi Dizzi

I am on day 7 of my 2ww, do you know if it is safe to have a hot bath (not very Hot) as i am full up with a cold and would love to just have a nice soak in a hot bath, but i don't want to take any risks.

crazybabe


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

crazybabe
they do advise in a lot of clinics no baths  so i guess it up tp you maybe aluke warm one wold be ok but it down to u in the end.
Good luck
lol
Lou
xxxxxxxxx


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## Tessie* (Nov 11, 2007)

Hi,

Sarah - I am so sorry to hear about BFN. I hope you are OK! Like you said it really helps to know that there are other people on FF that understand how you feel!

Dizzi - Thank you so much for the links. They have really helped me to navigate around the site.

T xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Your Welcome just yell if you get stuck 

~Dizzi~


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

hi tessie

you said "Me and my embie had our time together and I wont ever forget that"....i knew i was pregnant for around a week until i miscarried, but i have to say that week was the happiest week of my life. now im crying again! it will always be a part of your heart.

yes, cry whenever the mood takes you at home, i do, its better out than in


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

HI Tessie, jst wanted to say welcome to Fertility friends. 

Sorry to hear of your recent negative cycle  I hope you find the strength and courage to heal and bounce back fighting soon. 

C~x


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## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

Hi Tessie,

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you both last time 

Sending hugs,
Tony
x


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