# Just need a rant to people that understand



## Pumpkin mummy (Nov 2, 2013)

Hi, I am so upset with events today at school.

Our AS started school this September and has been with us 3 years...he's only just turned 4.  He's doing brilliant and so proud of him. We have chosen a fantastic primary school for him, just perfect.  Both birth parents have learning disabilities so it was important that we chose a school that wasn't focused on just ofsted results but a good all round school for all abilities.

It was going great until there is one mum that I've heard on the grape vine is a total bully with 4 children already at the school and she has stand up arguments in the playground if someone upsets her and then sends her husband to the school to "sort out" the husbands.

Unfortunately my son's school peg is next to her daughters, and she has been pushing me for a few weeks out of the way (my son struggles with his change of shoes and needs my help), I have been ignoring it as to me it's more important to get my son ready for his day. However, today she came storming up to me and shouting "Excuse ME, you're in front of her peg Again".....and then pushed me yet again quite fiercely and yet again shoved  against my son.

I am very upset by this, and the teachers are aware and have moved his peg so we are out of the way of her. 

What upsets me so much is that we are doing so much life story work with our son, and one of the reasons he got removed was due to birth parents shouting at each other and violence, which is in his life story book. We purposely don't shout at home or argue due to knowing this upsets him.  He had tears in his eyes when this mother shouted at me.

Horrid day, school has been great, but so upset by it all, I came home shaking and crying.xx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Ugh. Just ugh. What a hopelessly inadequate person she must be that she needs to shout at someone for [gasp] standing in front of a peg rather than saying "excuse me" like a normal person. Perhaps give him a gentle kiss and whisper not to worry. Great you have found an otherwise nurturing school. Do you think the school could put your son's peg at the end of the row if he needs a bit of time with his coat etc.?


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

Yes dc peg has always been on the end....helps with crowds, squashing, sensory stuff etc just gives a bit more space.

other mum sounds yukky. dont let her bother you.


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## Theretofour (Feb 19, 2013)

Wow I am sure teacher is aware but I would bring it to her attention because how it is efforting your son. Dose school know his life story etc? So many hugs x


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## Pumpkin mummy (Nov 2, 2013)

School have been fantastic, yes they know his history and totally understand our concerns. They have moved his peg to the end so he has lots of room and have sent letters to us all saying that the children need to start coming in on their own when they are ready,  they told me that they'll help him and make sure he's ok.  Headteacher was over seeing this morning so lots of support. Feeling better today and thoroughly supported by the school!😊


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Unfortunately most schools have one of those mums who are just bullies! I know we have one but luckily I have avoided her quite successfully so far.

Glad school are being supportive.


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## Pumpkin mummy (Nov 2, 2013)

Hi Tictoc

Yes I think they do all have one.  It's been my first experience of a child at school, only 5 weeks in, and non adopted parents don't realise how much more we have to think about, like the class photos in the local newspaper, making sure the teachers understand that they are at an age where life story is being explained as they are more aware etc.  It's a tough one, but glad I did not react to this mother and took the proper channels through the school.  However, if she pushes my son or me once more then I will have no alternative but to take the matter further through the relevant authority channels.  Both verbal and abusive bullying is not acceptable especially from his background.

Tough being an adoptive mum but makes you stronger.xx


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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

I think you and the schools are handling this well. As an advisory teacher who works in a range of schools I think schools understanding of the needs children who have been or are in care varies greatly. Some schools need guided much more than others. I picked up on your mention of the class photo in the local paper. My niece has started school this year and she showed us with pride her photo in the local newspaper this weekend. She is so proud of it. It made me sad that our little ones in the future will not be able to share this experience and instead are going to feel like second class citizen as they will not be in it. How do people handle this? Where we live I just would not be comfortable having a lo in the class photo that appears in all the local papers. I think to be honest I would be putting a request in writing to the school well ahead of time to ask them to consider not having the class photo appearing at all that year in the local paper in respect to inclusivity for all children in the class ie. My little one. Interested in how others have handled this issue.


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## Pumpkin mummy (Nov 2, 2013)

ThePinkLady

We decided it was a no go for our son to be in class photo from the onset. Our school and probably most schools do ask on the forms you complete about photos for website/newspaper.

Personally I don't think it's fair to ask for the class photo not to be taken or published. Our sons school took him away to play with another class and he has another adopted friend in his class so they went off to play whilst the photo was taken so he didn't know it was even happening and I won't be getting the paper so he is not aware at all.  It's a tough one but I felt that it's not fair on the other families that photo couldn't be published.  A friend of mine however agreed with the school that their LO would have half a day and if anyone asked then they had a hospital appointment!

Working with the school I think is the way to go 
Xx


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