# Don't no what to do!



## Angie07 (May 30, 2007)

Hi

My dh has a zero sperm count so our options are sperm donation or adoption!My gut instinct is to adopt as I feel there are so many children out there that need a mummy and daddy,my dh feels he has let me down and wants to go for sperm donation so I get the whole experience etc!the thought of going through any form of fertility treatment scares the hell out of me...the stress...cost...the drugs etc,my sister had IVF and even though she now has 2 gorgeous kids  I saw what she went through to have them and really don't think I can put my dh and myself through all the stress and heartache of fertility treatment!I am also 36 so haven't really got time on my side.

Is there anyone out there that abandoned treatment and went on to adopt?also do you feel you have missed out by not trying?has anyone adopted from abroad?is it really that hard to adopt?.....sorry for all the questions but I really don't know which way to turn any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thankyou


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi - have sent you a PM!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## MrsPoogs (Nov 7, 2006)

Hi Angie

Just wanted to say that I think Adoption is a wonderful thing if you can do it.  I am struggling at the moment as I am 39 and have been waiting for IVF on the NHS for ages now and was told I couldnt have private treatment or I would lose my place. Anyway my FSH levels have gone up in the past two months and its looking less likely that I will receive the treatment.  I had always set my heart on Adoption as a last resort and felt strongly about it.  My DH has now said that he doesn't feel he can go through with Adoption and feels he couldn't love someone else's children which is a massive blow for me as I don't feel like that at all.  Anyway, whilst I have no experience of Adoption - I think that if you do go through the process you are doing a great thing and I don't think I would feel I had missed out by not having IVF treatment, I think if, like me, you really want a family and you are able to Adopt then you are doing a truly wonderful thing by giving other children love, a future and a home.  I wish you all the luck.

Poogie x


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Angie, 
Have sent you a PM.
Viva


----------



## Angie07 (May 30, 2007)

Hi

Think I just deleted my previous message so if I'm repeating myself SORRY!!!never was any good with computers!!!
Thankyou Andrea and Viva I have hopefully managed to reply to you both,

Poogie I just want to say good luck with everything,fingers crossed you can start your treatment soon,NHS is a nightmare!!!
I'm so sorry to read that your dh won't adopt,keep working on him he may come round to the idea!my dh at first didn't want to have sperm donation now he wants donation rather than to adopt...its a huge decision,men see things differently to us girls they need more time to get their head round the whole idea!!!

I wish you all the luck in the world

love 
Angie xxx


----------



## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

Angie

How I sympathise. My dh also found he had zero sperm count and this was a dreadful shock as we hadn't even started trying at that time, we were just being proactive! Needless to say it made us want a baby more than ever.

We differed from yourselves in that we felt we did need to go down the fertility treatment route before deciding to adopt. As you will have gathered, the 6 years amounted to a lot of stress (unbelievable) a poorer bank balance and no baby. Would I have done it any different if we had our time again? Probably not as it was all part of the process we had to go through. 

However, if this is not for you and you feel ready to embrace adoption then I say GO FOR IT!

Now we are so excited about adopting and I can tell you, we have found this process far easier and even pleasurable compared to fertility treatment. Best of all, once approved, you KNOW there is a child at the end of it all.

Just one other note. Treatment with donor sperm is far more difficult now due to the terrible shortage of donors. We were lucky as this only started to become a serious problem at the tail end of our treatment.  Unfortunatley now it can mean very long and frustrating waits between cycles and quality may also be compromised as well.

I wish you loads of luck in what ever you decide.

sundog x


----------



## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Angie

My DH also has azoospermia, diagnosed after 2 years TTC.  Last week marked the one year anniversary of getting the results.

We had a suspicion that we might have difficulties even before TTC because DH had operations as a child, which we now presume have lead to infertility.  Nothing could prepare us for the shock of getting those test results, we'd expected an abnormal result, but not for there to be nothing at all.

We decided not to go down to ICSI/IVF route partly because of our religious beliefs (we don't think IVF is wrong, just not right for us!), and partly because the success rate for couples with DH's condition is so poor.  Likewise with donors, neither of us were comfortable about it.  We had discussed adoption before even TTC, so knew straight away what we wanted to do.  They don't have quarantine in my area -so we were able to start the adoption process 3 days later (it was the weekend!).  It took a while until things actually began to happen, but it gave us time to grieve for the pregnancy and biological children we'd never have.  And it has been truly devastating, it takes a long time to begin to come to terms with. 

Now, one year and one week on, we're about to go to panel.  I have no regrets about not going for further tests or treatment - if we had we'd still have about 6 months to go on the waiting list, probably to be told there wasn't much they could do.  

Generally what I'm saying is that is a personal decision, but one that the two of you have to be in complete agreement about.  From what I've read on this site, IVF (and also adoption) puts tremendous strain on a relationship and you need to both want to go through it. 

I hope you don't mind me sharing my journey with you, and all the best for making your decision.

Bx


----------



## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
I think the treatment/adoption question is one many of us go through. It is such a personal decision, I can only speak for myself we did go through treatment 7years of it. we had 3 M/C in total but I can honestly say I am so glad I did go down that road and was then able to close the door on it (as awful as those years were). I am now delighted to be a Mummy via adoption and I can't imagine my life without my baby in it. There are no rights or wrongs in the journey we all take we just all want to be Mummys and we find our own way through what can be a very difficult journey.
Love JD x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

not in your situation medically however wanted to share our story with you

we first looked into adoption in dec 04 after ttc for 5years- we took 2years to finally say no more treatment- for us we had given it our all- we started the adoption process in Dec and its been fab- at anypoint we have had to option to slow things down if we felt rushed or put them on hold- there is no pressue to complete the process just because you have started it

we have a chat session on a weds night and your welcome to join us

hugs

xxx


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi ANgie

We are the same as you, dh azoospermic only opion, donor.  I decided not to go for treatment as I couldn't bear the thought that if treatment was succesful then I would be carrying someone elses baby.  Even though dh said he was fine with it, it was me that pulled the plug.  We agrred in the end that a child would either be both of ours or neither (by blood)

We are really pleased that we went on to adopt and although not ours through blood, they are OURS together.

Good luck for your decision

Karen x


----------



## suffolklady77 (Aug 2, 2005)

hiya 
just thought i would say hi (i dont like reading peoples posts and not saying hello) Dh and I have just quit ttc after 2 years of clomid hell and have said enoughs enough! I'm glad I did the tretment I did do even though it was horrible so I can say hand on heart i gave it a good go and I wont be thinking what if.. etc for the rest of my life.
I am now as someone put it in limbo giving it 6 months before we apply to get some closure
-Gayle


----------



## Angie07 (May 30, 2007)

Hello I just want to say a massive BIG thankyou to everyone for taking the time to reply to my post,I love reading all your messages,its amazing what everyone has been through and going through,all your stories have been truly inspirational and a huge help.

I think we are favouring adoption at the moment although DH still really wants to go for a consultation for FT to find out more which I would like to do too but it just seems to be taking forever!!!!

Best of luck to all those waiting to adopt and for those who have been there and done it thankyou so much for sharing your story with me,its given me so much hope and for the first time since our bad news we both feel alot more positive.

Lots of love

Angie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------

