# Adoption buddies starting 2016



## poppy05

Hi all
I thought i would start a new buddy thread for those of us just starting out, i dont post much on the other buddy page as everyone seems to be so much further forward.


So we attended our second info eve last thurs with an LA, and we felt that they are the ones we would like to go ahead with, so i have just sent off our registration of interest form, and waiting to hear to see if we have been accepted for stage 1.
Would be lovely to get to know those of you at a similar stage.


Poppy xx


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## ClaireDa

Hello, we have yet to go to our second evening and to move forward in the process, would love to join your thread and get to know others on the journey.
C x


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## Darmum

Hello poppy, thank you very much for making this topic!

We started enquiring VAs and LAs and attended info days towards the end of last year, but our ROI is officially accepted in January, so I hope you don't mind me joining here.
We're at the beginning of stage 1 with LA and going to meet our SW for the first time next week. Nervous but excited! 

Darmum


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## poppy05

hi girls

lovely that theres others starting this year, it feels a little less daunting know i can chat to you guys.
I posted our ROI off this morning so i wait with baited breath for them to contact us!

good luck to you both and looking forward to sharing our experiences.

poppy xx


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## ClaireDa

Thank you, hope all goes well its nice to be able to chat to others in the same boat, we will prob go to another evening in the next few months but will see, it is an exciting time and I am looking forward to moving forward as I would guess you both are, were you asked about the age of the child and did you consider a sibling group?


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## Darmum

Thank you, all the best to you both, too!

Congratulations on your submission of ROI poppy, hope your SW gets back to you quickly!

Claire, yes, we were asked about the age, gender, how many children, what types of needs you would consider etc. 
We said that we will consider sibling groups of up to two, only if other criteria match perfectly, but otherwise we prefer one at a time. 
I'm not from UK and I can get support from only DH's side family when needed, also it means that I'm not familiar with British education system for young children, so I didn't have confidence to say yes to a sibling group straight away. 
Important thing here is, everyone has different views, strength and "not-so-confident" points, so what you need to do is just being honest to yourself! 

 xx


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## poppy05

We havent been asked those questions yet, but we would like one child and possibly look to get a sibling in a couple  of years, also we are going to be looking at doing foster to adopt, we told the social worker at the info eve thats what we want to do, so i guess she has put that on our file.
Our bestfriends have just started stage 2, and its really good to get all the advice from them, we know so much more about this now because of them. xx


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## Darmum

Hi Poppy, We put on our ROI as we'd like to go for FtA or concurrency route as well. I have read horror stories about concurrency/ FtA and it makes my eyes water just thinking about LO taken away after months and years living with them, but still we believe that we should be able take that risk for the LOs, rather than make their life harder with lots of moves... 
Are your friends at the stage 2 with the same agency as yours? That's a great support you got there! I've got some friends and colleagues who adopted  but most of them are quite long time ago before system has changed.

Are any of you doing any preparation for adoption like volunteering, researching, learning etc?
I volunteer for local children's centre and highly recommend it! The charity who runs the local children's centres provided me access to an e-learning course where I can get certificates on completion of each module, as well as DBS check. The best bit is, of course, meeting and playing with lots of children! Collecting info about local education system from childcare workers and local mums is another bonus, too.

Reading wise, apart from Sally Donovan (essential!), "The Colours In Me" is really good. It's a collection of poems and writings written by adoptees. Including positives and negatives, all very real voice from adopted young people. I'd like our future LO to read it when they become old enough.
It will be great to know if you have other recommendations, too.

 xx


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## poppy05

Wow darmum it sounds as though you really have been getting yourself prepared for this journey, the only prep i have really done is just researching things online, and chatting to our friends, we have read through some of the paraphenalia they have been given, and they also have the recommended books for us to borrow, part of me feels like i need to wait to see if we are accepted for stage 1 before we proceed any further with research.
We have discussed doing some volunteer work, i have had quite a bit of childcare experience with my godchildren, who are both grown up now, and we have friends with children who we see regularly, my dw hasnt really had much childcare experience, there is a creche at her workplace so she may be able to offer some time there to gain some experience, i have thought about contacting our local nursery, as our child would go there for a couple of mornings when the time comes, so it may be nice to help out there.


Regarding F2A yes it can come with heartache, but i do believe that our LA dont place children for it unless they are almost 100% sure it will go forward to adoption, we feel that even though we would be heartbroken for a child to go back, it would be a good thing as the child would be placed back with BF, and we would of given the child a good start in life, but im going to remain optimistic, ive been through so much with my fertility journey that im hoping this is what i was destined for all along.
I too like the idea of less moves for the child and attachment can begin alot sooner.


I am a referee for our friends and have a meeting with their social worker next week, it will be interesting to see what things she asks me, and yes they are with the same LA as us.


We are decorating at mo, our bungalow was a project for us 6 years ago and we pretty much rebuilt it, but the whole place needs repainting, so we are getting that done before we start stage 1, our dining room will be put back to a bedroom if we are lucky enough to be accepted, and i keep looking in there praying for the day we can go shopping for bedroom furniture! i wonder when they recommend you start thinking about those things? because i assume once you have been accepted you could potentially have your child come home pretty quick? i know some people wait a really long time, it does stress me out thinking about all that, i like to be prepared, but you cant really go and buy anything until you know. xx


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## ClaireDa

I have been doing lots of reading... a book called no matter what was outstanding and real had me in tears but definitely made me want to press on, I have the 'what to expect when you are adopting' and a few other books, I have volunteered to help out at an under 5s group which is normally about 1 time a month, we have a niece of about 3 so am sure we will be on babysitting duty in the future, I have read lots on the first for adoption website... I wonder what else we can do for prep... have you told family and friends or are you keeping it to a few close buds or just between you 2? 
Hope you are all well x


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## poppy05

Hi claire


We have told everyone, neither of us are very good at keeping things to ourselves, we have said that we dont want to keep talking about it though, and we will tell people things as and when we have something to tell, theres no point in going over the same thing, and you end up just second guessing what will happen all the time, our mums are both very excited, particularly mine as she was adopted herself, so we have had to try and make them both understand that this process isnt a case of us popping to the local adoption agency and bringing a baby home! we shall definately be sending them on the family course!! 


Think i might pop over and get these books from my friend tomorrow, start reading some bits, my friend did say the magazines are very good, and preferred those to the books, so another thing to think about getting. xx


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## ClaireDa

What magazine? Are they adoption UK ones?
Thanks for message, we will take it one step at a time, I tend to tell just the trusted few but DH is more of a chatterbox about things lol


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## poppy05

yes i think adoption uk, i will ask him, and post in here. xx


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## ClaireDa

Thank you poppy 😊😊


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## poppy05

Hi guys
Just nipped in to let you know we have been accepted for stage 1 and our first course is next week!    i am sooooooooooooo excited   


Hope you're all ok? xx


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## ClaireDa

Hi am ok thanks, how many days is the course?


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## ClaireDa

Hope you are well too


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## poppy05

the first one is a 3 hour workshop, the next one is an introduction to adoption day and is a full day, thats all we have been given so far, i think theres a 3 day one in stage 1 too xx


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## ClaireDa

Thank you, I just wonder if you need to take annual leave or special leave from work to attend these days? I wonder what the days will cover?


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## poppy05

Yes you need the time off work, you will probably be better to tell work or you may struggle to get the days off you will need, my boss knows and today i just said our process was starting and i wouldnt be in on xyz days, theres not alot she can do really, i work with my bestmate who is on stage 2, and he hasnt had to have all that much time off really, probably around 7 days so far but split up, they will tell you though that you must be flexible, when they give you a date you have to attend.


Our friends have gone through some of what they have learnt, i think stage 1 is mainly preparing you for the process, the types of children needing homes, raw facts, my friend said stage 1 is quite difficult, but i guess they need to see who is in it for the long haul, i guess there are people who dont make it through as cant cope with it all? xx


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## Darmum

Hello ladies,

Sorry for keeping quiet, as I had a busy week with work, volunteering, medical check appointment and home visit.

Congratulations for being approved for stage 1, poppy! Your "2 months" time frame has started! Let's enjoy the process.

Our stage 1 is mostly going well, referees told us that they submitted references, our assigned SW liked our home, our pet and no issues with safety assessment. No issues with medicals neither.
There is an issue with timing of training day but SW is very understanding and we should have minimal effect from it, but I don't think we can complete stage 1 in 2 months.
Hmm, let's see.

Now we are doing our financial check, life events form and adoption learning form. I recommend you to start making a timeline of your life (with addresses of schools, works etc) in preparation for your life events document. This will be a big job for me, as I moved around so many times since childhood.

We are doing endless decoration as well! Since we bought current house 4 years ago, we did most of big jobs in phases, like sitting room, dining room, front garden and drive, changing boiler, kitchen and bathroom, and now we are working on the child(ren)'s room. Hubby levelled the uneven floor, fixed squeeky floor boards, plug sockets replaced, ceiling lights fitted, painted and I'm making curtains with mother-in-law. Hubby's fitting new skirting boards this weekend and new carpet is fitted next week, and then it should be ready to be used! Still back garden and cloak room need sorted though... 

I started reading "the boy who was raised as a dog". A book about childhood trauma from child psychiatrist's view. I'm still in the first few chapters so cannot review properly but seems to be a bit shocking, but definitely an interesting reading. 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!  xxx


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## ClaireDa

Hi guys,
Sounds like stage 1 will be as involved as I thought it would, hope you are both getting on well, we are at the 'sort out the house stage' we were going to split our large room in to two, but I think for now we will keep it as it is and do the things like heating.... putting boards in the loft and making our house ready for an extra occupant   I have read a lot of books about awful child hoods, I am thinking  about reading about attachment..... darmum what pet do you have?
Have either of you got ideas of age of the child?
C x


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## poppy05

Omg our stage 1 pack arrived today, i was so excited until i opened it and started to read through   
the workbook seems so daunting, i know once i sit down with a pen i will be fine, but its knowing what to actually write.
I cant believe how fast this is all moving, our stage 1 completion date is 21st march (my mums birthday) im so excited, nervous, scared, panic ridden, every emotion hahaha.
Our references received their forms today too, so thats good, hopefully they will get them done and sent off next week.


I read the list of recommended books, i will see which ones my friends have before i buy any, as we can use theirs, i do want to get the "ive got 2 mums" one and i think theres also one about having 3 mums! it never occured to me until i saw the list that our child will infact have 3 mums! 


I think i said in a previous post that im a referee for our friends who are i  stage 2? well ive got my interview with their social worker on mon, that will be interesting to see what they ask.


Sounds like we are all decorating like maniacs!!    we have now decided to turn our dining room back to a bedroom now! we was going to wait a bit, but decided no lets just do it, so hopefully when the time come all we need to do as add colour and furnishings.


Hope your all having a nice weekend
poppy xx


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## Darmum

Hi Claire,

Oh yes, my hubby did board up loft and got rid of all empty boxes, Christmas decorations, suitcases etc up there, too. Very important task to clear some spaces!

We've got a little tortoise as a pet. He's almost full-grown adult size and only about 6-7 inches in shell length. He lives indoor, so SW asked about how we plan to separate the child and him for hygienic reasons and safety reasons from his UV/ heat lamp. He does bite occasionally, only accidentally when we hand-feed him, but generally he's not fast or strong enough to harm a human child  
We also have a pond in our garden with frogs and newts, so that's much bigger safety issue than indoor tort... we're going to make it smaller , move it in the corner of the garden and put fence around and/ or cover with mesh this summer.
Do you have any pets?

Age-wise, we wrote 0-2 yo with concurrency or F2A, with added "we will consider older children if other criteria matches perfectly". 

Poppy, we have already added colour in the room! The colour scheme is mainly grey (walls) and white/cream(carpet, ceiling, coving, skirting board, furniture) with yellow (soft furnishing and accessories) plus bits of added other colours for either gender. I don't want to have a pink-pink-room for girls or a football-team-room for boys, so until they start claiming about their favourite colours, we can keep it that way.


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## ClaireDa

Hi Darmum, yes crazy days sorting out where all our camping stuff and random collections of things to go into loft. We have 2 little budgies who had tough lives before they got here, the first one we saw in a pet shop on a small box on the desk with no tail feathers looking absolutely petrified... we think her tail was pulled off, she now has a full grown tail and can fly... she communicates with us in whistles very sweet, the second one was living with friends of dh they inherited hime as an elderly lady died.... but they had a cat who was a little interested.  He can just about fly, but seems settled enough, our age range I think would be  up to 7 I feel like we will have a 3 or 4 year old... but who knows, our spare room is decorated but I would like to change it before a little one comes, I love tortoises what's his name?
Poppy we are yet to decorate I think you are ahead of me there   
My friend is going to lend me some of her adoption related books so I am sure I will have plenty to read. The adoption uk website is good too


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## Darmum

Hi Claire,
It's so lovely that you saved lives of two little budgies! Budgies are so cuuuuute! My friend has a blue one and she always put his video playing with her on ********. Oh he's so beautiful and funny! What are the names of yours?  
My tort is called... ahem, Dar ... Mr Darcy...  hence I'm Darmum! lol
He thinks that my fluffy slippers are females and now chasing and biting them hard under the table, as I'm writing this post. He's a naughty monster!  

Poppy,
How did your interview as your friend's referee go? Was the social worker scary? Hope all went well!

 xxx


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## poppy05

evening all


Darmum im soooooo jealous you have a tortoise!! my tortoise died about 12 years ago, i loved him, he was a proper garden tortoise, i'd love to get another but DW isn't keen, i will get my own way oneday! 


The interview with the social worker was fine, not scarey in  the slightest, she was quite young actually, and seemed very nice, she was only round for about 10 minutes, just asked a few questions and that was it


ClaireDa, aww i had a budgie as a child, you dont often see them in peoples homes as pets now do you? its lovely you gave them a loving home, poor little thing having her tail pulled off   



We had another call yesterday and have someone coming on 8th feb to do the financial and health and safety check! bit worried about the finance, but i think most people worry about that part.
We have our medicals booked for 10th feb, so i think thats everything all booked in now? looking forward to our workshop on thurs


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## ClaireDa

Hey,

I love my little birds they are Joey and Charlie... they have had a little fly this morning I will get the bird bath out later... lol... darmum your tortoise sounds lovely, just to let you know I contacted the agency so that we can go for another information evening, I have started the reg of interest just need to remember addresses.... poppy do you need to pay for the medical?
Darmum my birds are love to chew the picture frame, dado rail and my new sofa lol hope your slippers are ok x


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## poppy05

Hi claire
yes you need to pay for the medical, we've been told its around £70-£75 but doctir can charge what they like! i guess we'll find out soon enough.

Our workshop yesterday was really good, it was so helpful to learn more about what they expect you to write in the workbook, we both feel alot more confident with our answers now.

Im waiting on a couple of books to arrive so we can start reading, i feel like theres so much we need to be doing in our spare time.

good luck with your info eve, once you send your ROI off you will be surprised at how quickly everything moves along. 

poppy xx


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## ClaireDa

Thanks poppy, is there a reading list? Are there any other things you need to budget for in this process?
Claire 😊


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## poppy05

there is a list of books in the workbook u will get, plus using you tube, onkine blogs, adoption uk and other websites, are all useful for info.
Dont think theres anything else to pay for? dont know what yr work place is like but i have to take my days off for courses as unpaid leave, so i lose money that way, tbh tho i dont care, i just want to me a mum and leave anyway!


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## ClaireDa

Thank you for the info poppy


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## Darmum

Hi ladies,

My silly little Mr Dar is enjoying sunshine in conservatory today! 

Congratulations on being formally connected with an agency, Claire! I hope you enjoy the process, too!  

Medical-wise, we had been expecting to pay it by ourselves but our LA gave us a sealed letter to our GP and there's some sort of secret arrangement in it , so we didn't have to pay at all. I guess it varies with your agency and GP surgery's policies.

Poppy, glad to hear that your reference meeting went well and your friend's SW wasn't scary! I'm looking forward to hear your friend's success story soon!

I'm so jealous that you've attended the training day already! We were hoping to get invited between mid-January and mid February, as we were too late to place our ROI for December training day, but actually next one is the end of February, when we are away from the country... typical sod's law... We're missing a great opportunity to meet fellow local adopters...   
However, our SW gave me a contact of recently approved couple who live very close to us, so I'm hoping to meet up with them soon! 

I'm still reading The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, (I'm a very slow reader, as English isn't my mother tongue...) and it's a really good book to understand the effect and mechanism of childhood trauma. The title is a bit shocking but the whole thing is not as shocking but very warm and filled with empathy. It's good to know how children's psychiatrists think and treat children. I hope our LO-to-be wouldn't have had as bad start of life, but there are a lot to learn from extreme cases.

We had new carpet fitted in our LO's-room-to-be this week! It make the room looks much brighter and much more completed! New carpet smells like a new car (plastic-ky, chemically smell), so if you are planning to have one fitted, I recommend you to finish it well before placement!

Have a lovely weekend!


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## Linz2608

Hi ladies.

We are starting the process for number 2 today!! Our little one has been with us for 2 years next month and can be a handful but is also a bundle of fun at the same time.  She is 3 and a half and has a chromosome abnormality which we are unsure how it will affect her later in life but for now she is doing grand.

I don't feel as nervous second time round as we have the same social worker and know that we will be in for a wait which I am quite calm about this time round! Looking forward to seeing how we all get on.

Xx


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## Tictoc

Hi Linz - I am not actually on this thread although also planning to adopt again in 2016. Just to let you know Dec 2014 we went for second adoption, daughter had been with us nearly 2 years and is now 3 and a half - we were expecting a long wait too but went to panel in June and LO moved in mid August!!

Second time round wAs much less painful for us


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## Darmum

Hi Linz,

Welcome to the 2016 adoption buddies topic! Awww, it's so lovely to have more people to talk about adoption! 

It's great to hear that your little one is enjoying her new life with you and doing very well! It's also lovely to hear that your agency assigned the same SW with you. You've already gone through the process once, so please tell us all about it! 

How long did it take to get matched with your LO after approval, if you don't mind me asking? I'm so excited about our adoption journey but worried a lot at the same time, mostly because I'm not sure if there is any child who fit in our criteria exists. I'm an ethnic minority (hubby is white British) and my home country is a lot more conservative than the UK, so we'd like a child (or children) who have similar physical features to us to avoid unnecessary questioning by strangers. Of course, it is more important that we can match the child's needs, but discrimination is one of the biggest worries for me...  

Anyway, it's so lovely to have you in our topic, hope more people joining in, too!
Let's talk a lot!   xxx


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## Linz2608

Hi Darmum,

We were matched about 8 months or so after we were approved. We first heard about her in Dec 13 and she moved in in March 14.
We've been told this time that it will only be 3-4 visits for this time just an update of everything we did the last time so i suppose that's a good thing but our wait is likely to be longer this time coz we want to go for 0-1 this time.

Xx


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## ClaireDa

Hi all things are moving on with the registration, I am so excited but a little nervous... looking forward to joing in on stage 1 soon I hope. Nice to meet you Linz and tic tock x


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## poppy05

Hi lindz welcome to our little group    its nice to have someone here who has already gone through the process, im sure we will be asking you lots of questions over the coming weeks.


darmum, you will have the chance to speak about what kind of child you feel would be best suited to your family, and you wouldn't be matched with a child that didnt fit the criteria, for want of better words, it sounds awful really when you say it, but i hope you understnad what im trying to say    


claire have you sent the ROI off? it took 4 days for us to get a reply and we started stage 1 the following week! it all happened so quick, im excited for you to be on your way soon   


AFM, we are well underway with our workbook now, we spent 9 hours on it yesterday and nother 4 hours today! the last few questions are mainly the feedback from the courses so we cant answer those until after friday.
My 2 books arrived today, im reading 'is it true you have 2 mums' as its quite a short book, then i will be reading 'the boy who was raised as a dog' im really looking forward to that one.
Even thought the workbook is quite tough, i  actually really enjoying doing it, just hope we have written the kind of things they are looking for, i have written loads, well actually i typed it all out and have stapled the pages in, the book is so thick now the damn thing fell apart!   
Hoping to get it finished next week and sent off!


We went and did our dbs checks today, so thats another thing crossed off the list.
can anyone recommend any good blogs they are reading? im trying to source some new research material.


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## Darmum

Hi Linz,
Thank you for answering my question! 8 months is not bad at all for finding forever family, I think! I presume that ours will be tricky and could take long time to find the right match, so once approved to be adopter, I will try to relax and enjoy my life until the good news arrives!  

Tictoc,
Sorry if I read your post wrong but you have adopted two and going for the third one this year? Wow, that's amazing! Are your LOs birth siblings? Were you thinking to adopt three from the beginning, or after adopting one, you became wanting more? We'd like more than one eventually but preferably one at a time so very interesting to hear your story, if you don't mind sharing!

Claire,
Hope all goes smoothly for you! I'm looking forward to hear your updates. 

Poppy,
Yes, it feels terrible to say our preferences about child, as it makes me feel like we're being too picky... but I hope SS understands the reasons and we can find our LO eventually.

My DBS check only took 2-3 days to arrive after filled it out with SW, probably that's because I had mine checked for volunteering purpose few months ago. However, we're still waiting for my hubby's... I don't know why it takes so long time, maybe his name is too common and there are a lot of records under the same name... 

Blog wise, I like "3 bees and a honey". Sally Donovan's blog is good, too. "Suesspiciousminds" is a very interesting blog about child protection laws, including some real court cases. I read some adopter's blogs in my native language too, but the adoption system at home country is too different from UK and not many are applicable to our journey... 
Please let me know if you find more interesting blogs!


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## Tictoc

Hi Darmum. We have a birth son and when he was 3 we adopted our daughter, last year in August when she was 3 we had our youngest placed. So far none are blood related but youngest's birth mother has had a baby so we are now approved to adopt this one too 😆

Honestly after we adopted our daughter we weren't planning to do it again but something changed somewhere along the line.


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## Darmum

Thank you for answering my question, Tictoc!

OMG, are you about to have the fourth child?!  
Wow, that's totally beyond my imagination!!! I totally respect you!

I guess your older two are at school now, then you'll have two with you all the time... hmm, if I think that way, it might be manageable...??  
But then, when you go out anywhere as a family, you need a 6 seater car at least, then need to strap all four in the car, then when get to the destination, unstrap four of them... then you have to prepare some solid food, weaning food and milk at least 3 times a day, plus snacks and drinks, shopping, nappies, toilet training, playing with them, washing clothes, washing up, tidy up, bathe them, putting all into bed, and then writing comments on forum as well! Gosh, when can you eat or sleep 

Probably we are not brave enough to expand our family that far, but it's definitely encouraging to hear that your adoption experience is so positive and it has made you a super mum!  
I hope everything goes well with your third adoption! xxx


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## Tictoc

When you put it that way I sound like supermum 😆 - In reality though they have come one at a time and I think it makes it a lot easier. My oldest is 6 and next is 3 so only 1 at school but my 6 year old helps out a lot and it's really not as hard as it sounds.


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## poppy05

wow tictoc how fantastic, its so nice to read other peoples stories, although i cannot even begin to comprehend 4 children!!!    ive read so many stories on here of people only wanting to adopt 1 and end up with 3 or 4 children!    


So we did something very brave today and im hoping we dont live to regret this, but we have bought the paint to decorate childs bedroom!    basically w felt we should start thinking about our living space, so we have a 2 bedroom bungalow, but the 2nd bedroom is used as a dining room, that room comes off our lounge, we have decided to make that room our bedroom and our child will have our room, our whole place needs re painting as looking a bit tired, so my FIL has been over doing some bits, we arent very good at painting so he is going to do it all, however my sister in law is expecting twins (ivf) in june and FIL has got to build them an extension! so he said if we want stuff doing he has got roughly 1 month until he's got to go and build the extension, so we gave him a list of jobs lastnight, and we decided to paint the childs room now    
i know to some this is pathetic and no big deal, but ive been trying for a family for 20 years and this is the first thing ive have ever bought, or considered doing and it feels so weird, infact it feels like we shouldnt be doing it yet.
DW showed me the tin of 'sunshine' paint and i was like 'omg i dont know if i want it done now' hahaha


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## Darmum

Hi Tictoc,
It's so nice to hear that your eldest is helping you out so much. What a lovely big brother! It sounds like you can shuffle four of them easily!  

Poppy,
Yup yup, go for it! House paints, adhesives and plastic materials etc emit quite a lot of chemicals when it's new (even "water-based" ones!), so it's better to leave them out for a while before LO moves in.
My Sister-in-law is expecting their first baby in May, too! Theirs is only one girl though... which means that you can have doubly more nappy-change experience than me! 

I caught a nasty cold which is attacking my throat badly and I completely lost my voice yesterday... Feeling a bit better today so I went to work but ah my voice is so ugly! I'm pretty sure that I got it from the little kids during volunteering. I've been very careful with washing hands and gurgling frequently, but it still got me! I cannot imagine how teachers deal with those nasty viruses...  
Take care, everyone! xxx


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## happypenguin

Hello everyone & welcome to the start of your journey.

I notice a few of you have mentioned Concurrency and Foster To Adopt so I just wanted to pop in and say hello and if you have any questions about it please ask. 
We adopted via Concurrency so may be able to answer some of your early questions


Good luck to you all


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## Poshfi

Hi
I'm new to this journey too and definitely love the support of everyone! 

We went to the info evening in Jan and then invited to the foundation day last week. We were suppose to start stage 1 this week but they want to put us on hold for 2 months so there's a 6 month gap after ivf. It's gutting to wait especially as it seemed to be going quite quickly! But I'm going to use this time to get our medicals sorted, timelines worked out and read books! 

The LA are keen for us to volunteer with special needs children. We noted that we cannot look after a special needs child. Has anyone else been recommended to do this? We said we were open to age so perhaps they misunderstood this. I'm sure when we get a SW assigned it will become easier!

X


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## poppy05

Hi happypenguin, we are definately looking seriously into early permanence (fta) it sounds more us, we want as young as possible and we want to cut out on the amount of moves the child has, so if we can do the fostering part instead of another family then we would def like to do it, concurrency sounds a bit scarey but would love to hear your story   


Hi poshfi and welcome, sorry to hear they have put you back a couple of months, but like you say you can prepare for stage 1 now, i dont know why they would recommend you volunteering to work with special needs children if you have already said you couldn't parent a child with special needs? in this instance im going to say they are trying to play with your heartstrings, so you must be firm and clear about what you can and can't deal with,   


AFM, we went to our prep course on friday, it was really good, however ive been suffering with a dreadful virus for over a week now and i went along feeling like death!
Im still off sick from work, but im using the time wisely and have already finished one of my books, started my 2nd one now so i at least feel my time off is being put to use.
We had our health and safety and finance check today, i think it went ok, its hard to tell really but nothing came up health and safety wise, just tomput plug socket covers on and locks on cupboards, financially we aren't in any debt but use our over draught so she just recommended we get out of that, thats no issue it just means spending less disposible income, and lets face it those of us without children all spend all our monthly income because we can!
And finally today we have finished our workbook! we have completed it 2 weeks early, but so glad its done, going to get dw to hand deliver it this week.
We have our medicals on wed and then thats it we are all completed, just got to wait for all the checks to come back and wait to see if we get accepted for stage 2.


----------



## ClaireDa

Its posted... now the wait to see if we can move forward 😊 hope you feel better Darmum x we talked about foster to adopt but will see, nice to meet you posh fi and happy penguin. Poppy stage 1 has moved very quickly for you 😊


----------



## Poshfi

Hi Poppy, I did wonder if they were trying to pull at my heart strings. Good to know it's not a requirement for everyone. I've booked a baby and Childs first aid course...should be a great help!

Hi Happypenguin, we're also looking at f2a. Love the idea of this and like Poppy said, really like the idea of less movement and possibly younger appealed to us. 

There's really a lot to process in all of this!!


----------



## poppy05

oh poshfi we'd love to do a childs first aid course, did you organise this independantly or through your adoption agency? xx


----------



## Poshfi

I booked independently at the Red Cross. It's a one day or 2 eves and was £37. I thought it was worth doing!


----------



## poppy05

Ooh wow really? thankyou for that info, im going to look into this for us to go on


----------



## poppy05

Thankyou so much poshfi, i have booked us both on for the 7th march! i hadn't even thought of looking at the red cross for this course, we kept talking about finding somewhere that does it.
Thanks again hun xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi poppy was that a recommended course or one you chose yourself. Hope you get on well with it


----------



## poppy05

It was one the VA offered but we didn't go with them and its not one that the LA offers so we just decided to take ourselves off and do it. xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Definitely a good idea   hope you are well


----------



## Poshfi

Poppy, glad you found a place!

I was suppose to do the normal first aid course last year for work but it was fully booked. 
The baby and child will have more benefit for me going forward and think the SW would like to see it on our file. 
X


----------



## ClaireDa

Poshfi it really is a good idea to get first aid course especially for little ones could come in useful. Nice to meet you


----------



## happypenguin

Hello again - and hello Poshfi & Poppy, hope to watch each journey and see where the process takes you!

We chose Concurrency as, like both of you, it felt right offering a home for a child that would mean less moves for them in the long term. We knew that this was suitable for children 0-2 however neither my husband nor I saw age as a factor in our decision. 

As it happened, our son was just a few days old when he came to us. 

I don't want to add too many details of our story here in a public forum but am happy to PM anyone that needs any info!

I will add - with this and FfA there are lots of risks that you will go through in your assessments. All completely manageable if you are onboard with what the processes are. You do also need to consider 'health' - I hear lots of you saying that you would like a child as young as possible or that that you could not parent a Special Needs child (I am not knocking your choices at all by the way) however, with a younger child often comes uncertain health risks. We did, infact say that we could not parent a child with Special Needs and that is exactly what we are doing right now with our son. And I would not change it for the world


----------



## Darmum

Sorry for my absence, I'm still coghing and coghing endlessly! Arghhhh, my throat is soooooo tickly 

Hello happypenguin, congratulations on your successful concurrency journey and thank you very much for offering advice about fta and concurrency, I'd like to ask you lots of questions!! 

Welcome poshfi, thank you for sharing the fantastic idea on first aid course, we're concerned about lack of my hubby's childcare experience, so definitely a good one to attend! I've found that St John's Ambulance runs similar courses locally as well, so will have a shop around and find a good timing one for both of us to attend. Hope all your adoption journey goes well!


----------



## happypenguin

Ask away!!!! There is no question too personal - I will answer as honestly as I can


----------



## Poshfi

Happypenguin, thanks for sharing your story. We have no age limit set, just noted that we'd be open, dependent on our details matching what was best for the child. I do understand that the younger the more possible chances of medical issues.  There is so much to digest in this and we haven't really started!


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi Ladies,

Me and my DH are currently looking for a local authority to register with, the 2 local ones we have tried have told us they aren't taking on any new adopters so I am feelin very frustrated.

We live in the London area, is anyone having problems or have any advice?


----------



## Tictoc

Hopefull - just popping over from the 2014/15 thread - I didn't see previously that you are London based. You know you can apply to any LA within an hour of where you live. We are Londom based too and I think had something like 8 rejections before we found our LA.

You can apply to as many as you like - it is only when you submit you registration of interest application that you need to narrow it down to 1


----------



## Cloudy

Hopeful - glad you found the thread 

There are a few search engines on the net for finding agencies in your area so maybe that would help. Adoption UK have one here: http://www.adoptionuk.org/about-adoption/find-agency-near-you. I put in London in the search bat and it came up with 5 pages of LA and VA agencies!!! but then I'm from north of Watford Gap and therefore don't understand what London is (other than busy and the place of Eastenders!)   

Good luck!

Xxx

/links


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks Tictoc & Cloudy! Really appreciate your advice. Will look into that link. Didn't realise it would be this hard just to try and register! 
Xxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi all, just checking in to say hi and hope your journeys are going well, we are waiting for the la to process application so I guess we will know where we are next week, it is exciting and I am looking forward to moving forward, how is stage one poppy? And how are you darmum? 

Just wondering when can you decide about foster to adopt route?
thanks c x


----------



## poppy05

Hi girls

welcome hopefull, i hope you manage to find an agency asap, i know when i looked at our local la a few months ago they weren't taking on new adopters, but when i looked again 3-4 months later they were, so keep looking hun.  

hiya claire, wow thats so exciting, we have done everything for stage 1 now, going to hand our workbook in tomorrow, and then its just waiting for our medicals to come back, then fingers crossed we are good enough to invite onto stage 2! 
we want to do f2a and i think that will come in stage 2, there is an extra course to go on for that, we have made it known from day 1 thats the route we want to take, so speak to your social worker when you start the next bit.  

how are you doing darmum? you have been quiet  

Not much to report here, our dbs checks came back yesterday, even though you know nothing is going to come up its still nice to see it in black n white!
ive been off work for 2 weeks with this awful virus, but it has enabled me to do lots of reading, ive read almost 2 books and some online stuff, so im pleased with that, i can thoroughly recommend 'the boy who was raised as a dog' its a great book and you really get an insight of the effects of early trauma.
I dont know about you guys but i at the moment am just wishing my life away, i want it to be 6 months down the line and know if we've been approved! im so impatient, infact i should of used that as one of my 5 words!!  
 
Right i better get dressed, got to go and get dw something for valentines day, even though we both think its a load of rubbish we still cant not buy a little something.
hope you all have a lovely weekend xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Stage 2 really has gone quickly for you wow, hope you feel better now after your virus


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Yup, I'm still alive (only just...)!! Stupid cough wakes me up during night and still suffering and now it's spread to poor hubby... hope it goes away before we go on holiday (just going home so not really a holiday...) from next wkend!

Welcome hopefull, our LA had similar situation over a year ago but we decided to try another IVF, failed, then came back to them, then it was open again! You can shop around nearby councils, VA, or just wait for a bit. It'll be a long process, so try to collect info as much as possible before making the decision! We contacted 3LAs and 2 VAs. One of them even didn't reply at all, which was a good indication of their work ethics! You'll find right one eventually, so take your time! 

I've had a bit of movement (incl. precious advice from happypenguin! Thank you soooooo much!) over these 2 wks, so will report you later!

We're going to garden centre to get some plants for VD from hubby, so speak soon! 

Xxxxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Darmum.. sounds interesting I look forward to hearing more, get well soon


----------



## happypenguin

You're welcome Darmum

If anyone else has any questions about Concurrency/F2A or adoption in general please feel free to ask away. You can do it on here or message. I have had some really great questions so far so in a day or two when I have time I will pop back on and add some of the answers here in the forum for you all. I don't want to give too many personal details on here but I can add some general stuff.

Good luck to all of you


----------



## Darmum

I picked four little air-plants from garden centre as VD gift from hubby! Awwww, they are weird and beautiful! I'm going to crochet some hanging pockets for these air plants using garden twine!

Happypenguin,
Thank you so much for generously sharing your experience, I can picture Concurrency and F2A so much easier now! There will be more questions, so be aware!   

Claire,
I said some movement but not as much as what poppy achieved so far! Wow, well done for completing your workbook so quickly, poppy!

So, what were the movements? Sorry, they may not be so exciting... 
1. We met up with a local couple who were approved recently. They are the first adopters we've discussed about adoption in person and they are sooooo lovely! We had a lovely tea and cakes in a local cafe and talked a lot! Apparently there is no adoptive family's support group/ activities in our town, as our county is quite big and the nearest town hold such activities is quite away, so we got the idea of making one in our town together! We talked about how to find venues, what activities we'd like to do together with our adopted children etc. I felt like being a parent already as we were discussing about it and I cannot wait for getting involved in local adoptive family's society! 

2. Finally my hubby's DBS arrived! It took about 3 working days for me and 3 weeks for him.

3. My SW asked her manager if she can go through the training contents with us, as we are missing out the training day, and she's got the permission so now our SW's going to give us a private training session next week! It's still a shame that we cannot meet with fellow prospective adopters this time, but at least we are not missing out the learning bit! I'm so relieved that our LA is so understanding and flexible! 

4. Thanks to my mum-in-law, 2 pairs of curtains are finished and now hung in our LO's room-to-be! It's yellow/ mustard colour with grey hedgehogs printed on it. So cuuuuuute! We made them with eyelet tape, which was a bit of pain but finished products look exactly what I wanted! 

Hope you all are having a lovely weekend! 
Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow!  
Xxxx


----------



## Thepinklady

Hi just jumping on this thread to add to happy penguins conccurrency/foster to adopt advice. Some of you may have read other threads and read some of my posts about concurrency. My DH and I had a concurrent placement last year and we were one of the few whose LO was returned home. HOWEVER, we are still big advocates for concurrency and f2a and hope to get another placement at some point this year. So if any of you who had questions about concurrency for happy penguin would like more info about our experience when things don't go as hoped please feel free to pm us. Our LO returning home while difficult for us was totally the right thing for LO  and BM. We still see LO and mum regularly and month my month we see a very strong emerging family unit and we are proud to have been part of their story. Concurrency is not for everyone and you need to be have a strong belief in it as a way of putting the child's need for early permanency at the centre, and know that you are strong enough to balance your emotional needs alongside the child's needs for security. I also think it is important to point out that there is a difference between foster to adopt and concurrency and if anyone is unsure of the difference and is interested do ask either by Pm or here.


----------



## Darmum

Hi pinklady,

Thank you very much for offering your help! I've read your stories on other boards and wondered how you are doing! I'm so glad to hear that you get to see the LO and mum regularly so you can visibly assured that you made their life changed positively! I cannot imagine how painful it was to get your LO removed but I totally respect your brave decision to take the risk for the LO. I strongly believe in early permanency as well, and believe that we adult taking the risk can make a great difference in LO's life afterwards. 
I'm so glad that after the unbearable pain, you accepted the situation and are healing. It's amazing that you still support the concurrency method and getting ready to do the same process again! I hope you meet another LO soon and make your forever family this time.
I certainly have lots of questions to you, but it might be too personal so I'll pm you! 

Darmum xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies,

Thanks darmum and poppy, I had an idea it would take time but not as long to get going. I'm so grateful for all your advice. We've decided to research adoption and contacts lots of local agencies to see how things are.  I think it's wise to use this time to become as educated as we can until can adopt.

Did anyone have any particular worries before the process started?xxx


----------



## Thepinklady

Darmum please do pm. I am happy to share my story and my experience if it helps others to make informed decisions.


----------



## Darmum

Hi pinklady, 
I sent you PM! So many questions, so be aware!  

Hi Hopefull, 
yes, there are many worries I had before started the process! 
My biggest worry was (still is!) if the child who matches our criteria exists or not. 
Everyone has something and everyone's concern is different, because we are all unique!
What makes you worried the most? 

Xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi darmum, I have had anxiety and depression after a very tough 6 years Inc ivf, loss of 5 family members on top of several other big life events. I'm being treated but it worries me that I'll be judged unfit due to things out of my control.


----------



## ClaireDa

Looks like things are moving forward have dates in my diary just awaiting pack for stage 1, hope you are all getting on well


----------



## poppy05

Ooh thats good news claire, its great to get started, whens your first workshop?   


Hopefull im sorry to read you have been suffering, however i think after what you have been through most people would be in the same situation, i suffered anxiety last year after my 5th failed ivf and mc, and tbh im proud of myself for getting through it, if anyone wants to judge me for what i went through then god help them! i really dont think you will be judged unfit, im sure they will look further into our fertility journeys to make sure we are ready to move on to adoption, but i feel prepared for that and am totally at peace with ending my ivf journey, i think if you are completely honest and just be yourself then you will be ok   
and to answer your question re any worries, yes we were worried we would be treated differently being a same sex couple, but we have been treated no different to anyone else, and obviously we are now worrying we wont be accepted for stage 2, have we done enough? i could prob think of hundreds of worries if i sat and thought about them all, you are def not alone in the worrying dept!   


darmum, when do you go on holiday? or home should i say, and where is home? if its somewhere warmer than here can i come?   


thepinklady, thankyou for coming here and adding your story, it's always good to read how things can go the other way, it must of been a really difficult time for you, we are definately wanting to go for f2a, but concurrency sounds so scarey.   


AFM, well we handed our workbook in today!    so thats it we're done, its a waiting game now, it was horrible handing that book over, we cant change it now, whats done is done, lets hope and pray its enough    the next few weeks are going to drag, i just want to know where we go next, will we be accepted to stage 2? if not why? if not what are we going to do? if we are OMG then what?    my head is full of questions, what if's and shopping lists!!!   


Hope you all had a lovely valentines, we had date night at home, i cooked dinner and we had a few drinks, and we dragged out some of our old cd's and had a bit of a 90's sing along!


----------



## Darmum

Hi Hopefull,
I'm so sorry to hear about your tough time including loss of family members... I hope you are coping ok.
Anxiety and depression shouldn't adversely affect your assessment, as you are fully aware of it by yourself and as long as it's been treated and controlled. I've even heard that properly having a post-ivf consultation and taking a decent grieving time would be regarded as a positive point.
People who knows pains and sadness due to loss and hardship would generally be empathetic to other people (like LO and BF)'s pain and loss, so I am sure that you getting through these life events would work positively for you. 
Just try not to push yourself too hard to move on but take your time until you feel fully comfortable and ready for the next step.
I hope you feel better soon! xxx

Hi Claire,
Aww, so exciting to hear that things are started moving for you! It's the beginning of adoption roller-coaster! Von voyage!


----------



## Darmum

Gosh! Sorry Poppy, I didn't realise that you posted before me! I didn't mean to ignore you!! 
You are welcome to join our holiday! My home is far, far away (over 10 hrs flight) and unfortunately it's cold now though...  It's got pretty much similar four seasons as England but winter could be colder, summer is hotter and more humid! Ohh, I'm giving away too much! 

Pinklady,
Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me. Any agencies or professionals who involves with concurrency scheme should all learn from your story. You made so much positive difference to the life of the LO and BM with taking the risks for them! You are amazing!  

We had the first half of training with our SW and that was gooood! I thought I've read a lot about adoption by now but found that still need to know a lot more!
Next, we're going to meet up with an adopter after the holiday, then have another 2 hour session with our SW, submit police clearance document from my home, our workbooks and then that will be the end of stage one. I'm still gutted that we've missed the opportunity to meet the fellow prospective adopters, but we've got dates for stage 2 training (... doesn't mean that we passed stage 1 but due to our poor attendance so far, SW informed us well in advance! ). 

Congrats for submitting the workbook poppy, you can relax a bit for now! 
Ooh, shopping list... I know, that's one of my biggest interests, too! I need to calm myself down with buying souvenirs for my sister's daughters and presents for my sister-in-law's baby shower for now! 
xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks Poppy and darmum, I am totally ready to move onto adoption now. It's always been something I was open to and dh has researched it a lot himself so he's very happy with it. 
The sheer volume of things that happened within the last 6 years has meant it hit me late last year after my last m/c and ivf but I have made sure I got treatment and support.
I had a tough start myself in life also so I hope that will also add to our strengths. 

Well done Poppy on getting the workbook done. Is that where u explain about yourselves? I think as long as there are 2 loving parents, gender doesn't come into it.

Goodluck darmum! I'm sure yiu'll get through! 

Thank you so much for your support! I thought my issues would rule us out but you'very helped relieve my fears a little.xxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Wow got the pack through.... lots like we R going to be kept busy. Hope you are all well


----------



## Linz2608

Wow ladies glad to hear that your all getting on so well. 

As for us we have to have our Medicals and PVG's done again but should only have four to five appointments with the social worker, one down so potentially four to go. Scary how this time we are so much more relaxed about everything well so far anyway!!

Xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi Lin z
What is pvg, I tried to book medicals the receptionist wasn't sure if they could do it, so I shall ring tomorrow, nice to meet you


----------



## Linz2608

It's a criminal records check for Protecting Vilnerable Groups such as children and the elderly checks all your past, I.e. Criminal history etc. Usually nothing to worry about!

X


----------



## ClaireDa

Is it the same as DBS?


----------



## Linz2608

I think so, I'm in Scotland so could be the same thing!


----------



## Darmum

Suitcases are packed, travel documents are ready... we are ready to fly tomorrow morning!  
Aww, I cannot wait catching up with my family and friends! 

I'll speak to you later, ladies!   xxx


----------



## poppy05

Have a wonderful trip darmum, safe journey xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Have a great time darmum


----------



## poppy05

Its been very quiet in here, hope everyone is ok? 


how is everyone getting on?


no news from me, still waiting to hear from LA, im guessing we wont hear anything until after our stage 1 completion date? 


Hope your trip home is going well darmum? 


poppy xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi Poppy, life is busy now with all the stage 1 bits. I guess you will hear soon?? When did you hand in again?


----------



## poppy05

Hey claire
we handed it in 2 weeks ago, it was officially due in on fri   
how you getting on with yours? xx


----------



## ClaireDa

We have lots to do still  may take a while, I am sure you will hear soon   hope you are well and your decoration has gone well


----------



## poppy05

good luck with it claire, it is hard going, but you will get there, we actually enjoyed doing ours.
decorating is getting there thanks, just the glossing in lounge to finish then the kitchen to do, then whole place has been re done! i need to buy some new light shades,curtains etc, but it feels nice to be all clean and fresh again.
have you been on your prep course yet? xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi Girls, how is everyone getting on? Hope things are going well, I am busy busy with stage 1 but its a good busy. Hope everyone is well


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies, hope all well!

We've just returned from Thailand so getting back onto the trail of getting an authority to register with. A local authority has said they are registering but we need to chat with them before registering but there is a shortage of children right now so either way,  well have to wait.

Xxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi everyone!

Thank you for the holiday wishes, we had a lovely time with my family and friends at my home country. I also brought back criminal record clearance and am very motivated now! 

I told all my close friends and family that we are in process of adoption, and I was prepared to get some doubtful or not supportive comments but actually everyone was so warm and very encouraging! One of my uncles said that there's always someone adopted in our family history (my grandma = his mum was adopted from distant family), so he said that we are not particular about blood connection at all and any child will be welcome to our family. I was so moved by his words and it was very difficult to translate it to my hubby without crying.  
I had been worried about telling about adoption especially to older members of family because our country is quite conservative, but I am very lucky to have such a lovely family!  

We had a little trip with my parents to see beautiful country side and we made lots of lovely memories. I want to have trips like it with my parents with my child(ren) next time.

Now we have to complete and submit the stage one learning book!
Hope all is well!  xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Awww darmum I'm so glad to hear you had fun and found the support you deserve.  Fingers crossed all goes well.

Hope all you other ladies are doing well! 

We've got an information day tomorrow before we have an informal chat in a weeks time.xx


----------



## poppy05

Welcome back darmum, glad you had a lovely time with your family, and its nice to hear they are supportive of your adoption news, have you started your workbook? we enjoyed doing ours, good luck with it   


hopefull how did your info event go?


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies!

Poppy - it went well &we were impressed by how the authority operated. We need to go for a chat now and hopefully advise of our interest on 21st March then it's a home visit before we know if we can proceed to register. I am still very nervous about how they'll view my issues and Dr doesn't seem to be very supportive. 

Hope everyone else is doing well.


----------



## poppy05

Hi


Im glad it went well hopefull, fingers crossed for your visit, i know its easy for me to say try not to worry about your issues, but i think as long as you are honest with them and are happy to discuss everything then im sure you will be ok, im sure you are not the first person to apply to adopt with those issues, and hopefully they will work with you rather than against you    


Hi everyone else reading xx 


Im still waiting to hear!!    im checking my emails like 17 times an hour!!!


----------



## Darmum

Hi Hopefull,
Glad to know that your info day went well! As poppy says, don't worry too much about what happened in the past, but it's more important to show that you properly digested all and now you can talk about it. You'll be fine!

Hi poppy, thank you! Yes, we both finished the work book and submitted! Now we can relax and wait what happens next.

I went back to volunteering yesterday and today and surprised to find out that how much grown up the children are in these 3 weeks! They can do things which they couldn't do 3 weeks ago easily now! They never stop changing!!  
I cannot wait to see our own LO's development soon!  xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks Poppy & Darmum, I think there are many others who have been in the same situation and hope that as I am managing things they will be fine with it. I am happy to be as open and honest as possible. fingers crossed for the coming days. 

Hope u both get good news soon.xxx


----------



## poppy05

sorry for the me post, but a social worker contacted us today, she wants a meeting with us and is coming to the house tomorrow!!!
she said it will delay things if she doesnt see us now.
Im panicking now, what on earth could it be? 
surely if it was extra info needing they would just ring or email?
im nervous now as i really cant think of what it might be


----------



## Linz2608

How did you get on Poppy?xx


----------



## poppy05

It was fine, she wanted more info on my anxiety and depression i had suffered last year after my fertility journey came to an end, and our finances, we have no savings (it went on ivf!!) so we have agreed to save my wages and live off dw earnings, she just wanted a bit more info in those areas, hopefully we will hear back soon. xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Fingers crossed Poppy! Let us know how it goes. 

We will probably have similar questions asked coz iv had the same.xxx


----------



## poppy05

yes hopefull, she said not to see the depression as a negative thing, she wanted to know if had it before as nothing was mentioned in workbook so needed clarification, and i had to give her a verbal example of how we dealt with a stressful situation, even though we had done that in the book she wanted us to give another, she seemed satisfied with our answers.
as for the finances, like i said to her, who really has loads in the bank? typically people live to their earnings, and we have no children so yes i do blow my wages on clothes, make up, going etc, but i am happy to start making lifestyle changes, and we agreed to try and live on one wage.


have you had your visit yet? xx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi Ladies,

Can I join you?  We have just finished our preparation days and now joined the waiting game to see when we are going on to stage 2.  We have done all our forms, references, DB checks, medicals etc and waiting for them to collate it all together, then we should get a call to start the next stage if all is well.  The waiting is the hardest part but reading your posts keeps me going lol!

xx


----------



## poppy05

Hi butterfly, welcome to the waiting room!!   
how you feeling? xx


----------



## butterfly15

Thanks Poppy I'm feeling ok, just got to wait and be patient, ask me again this time next week I'm sure I will be feeling different lol!  I've got it into my head we won't hear anything this side of Easter weekend so I am trying to forget about it until then.  I know as the days go by I will start to get anxious and impatient 

I have just been catching up with your posts.  The SW did say to us they just want honest answers and how you dealt with certain situations/circumstances and you are quite right, who does have spare cash?  How are you feeling?

xx


----------



## poppy05

I have been totally honest with everything, i am not very good at not being myself, so i decided from day 1 that i am going to just be me and hope for the best.


I feel ok too, but like you i feel impatient, im hoping now we have had this meeting things will move on now, i know all our checks etc have come back now, so i assume its a case of writing up our report then informing us if we have or have not made it to stage 2.
I just want to get on with the home study part, and have dates for the other prep courses, i like to be organised and i hate the not knowing.
I have a feeling we will both find out just after easter!


----------



## Discoangel

Hi i was wondering if i could join?
My husband and I gave in our stage 1 paperwork 2 weeks ago and are waiting to hear. Our social worker was just awaiting our medical reports back. We have gone with out LA and love our social worker she is so approachable and you can tell she loves what she is doing. . We have been on a introduction day and we know the dates for the stage 2 training but the waiting is killing me. 
It took us a long time to decided to go down the adoption route we were ttc for 5 years and then as soon as we put pen to paper to do the application form it felt right. I have enjoyed the process so far. Just feeling like i am doing something makes such a difference. 
Its so lovely to read about how other people are doing in the process.


----------



## poppy05

Hi and welcome discoangel
we are at same stage, i feel the same as you the waiting is killing me!! 
good luck with your journey and i look forward to getting to know you xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi poppy, sounds positive. I guess as long as you are honest it should be ok.

We're still waiting for our chat before hopefully get the home visit. 

Welcome discoangel and butterfly. 

Xxx


----------



## butterfly15

I'm like you Poppy I like to know what's going on I hate the waiting but just trying to focus on Easter and then if we haven't heard anything by then I will drop them a quick email.  My husband got his police check back all ok still waiting on mine but I have never been in trouble with the police so should be all ok.

Welcome Discoangel, same situation as us, ttc for 5 years with a failed IVF attempt and as soon as we started this is it just felt like it was meant to be.

Hello Hopefull!!!  

xx


----------



## Discoangel

My husband and I have never been in trouble with the police but that did not stop me worrying that something might come back on the police check. So silly.
I e mailed our social worker yesterday to say we he done our mirror wills and she replied and said our medical checks had been signed off and had all been sent to our LA. So fingers crossed. I am over weight which I have been focusing on since Nov and already lost quite a bit of weight so that was highlighted in the medical report but social worker could see how determined I was to improve that so fingers crossed we get accepted into stage 2.


----------



## butterfly15

I feel a little silly too lol!  But I guess when something is so important to you its natural to be anxious, and we have all waited so long and been down our various routes to get to this point.  I am looking forward to doing this journey with you all!! This time next year who knows.................

My medical was all good and my husband has his yesterday all good and all our references have been received, its exciting and hopeful.  I found IVF was more of a worry then hope, this is the opposite!  

Have a nice weekend everyone xx


----------



## ClaireDa

Butterfly so lovely to hear about the hope you feel with adoption. That's so nice, we are in the middle of doing the workbook.... wow lots of work hey x hope everyone is well x


----------



## butterfly15

Hi ClaireDa good luck with your work book.  My police check report arrived this morning all clear!!!!!!!! yay!


----------



## Discoangel

That's fab butterfly. So pleased for you, such a relief!


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Welcome Discoangel and butterfly! We've probably had all difficult times with different reasons, but now we are all working towards positive future! Let's enjoy the process together! 

poppy,
Sounds a bit strange that your SW wanted to see you so urgently, but glad to hear that all went well at the end. I guess SWs cannot discuss too many details on email or on the phone, as all are quite sensitive personal information, so it's good to know that your SW is handling your personal information professionally! 

We are meeting up with our SW next week to finish off Stage 1 learning session which we missed during our holiday. It's been a while since we last saw her, so I'm looking forward to catching up with her. Our SW lady is very approachable and lovely so I really enjoy every meeting with her!  

Claire,
Good luck with your workbook, I found it quite interesting, as I've never looked back and written down about my own life! Enjoy yours!

Hope everyone's process goes well!
Best wishes xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies, it seems we've all had our issues and worries.

Wishing u all lots of luck. Please pass on any wisdom you have!

 to all


----------



## butterfly15

Morning ladies, if any of you are readers I have just finished No Matter What by Sally Donovan which was very interesting and I have just downloaded her other book Adoptive Parenting to read at a later date. I have just started reading Preparing for Adoption by Julia Davis.

Every little helps as Tesco would say!  Xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks butterfly, I was just thinking about books to read in preparation. xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Your welcome Hopefull, just makes me feel like I am doing something positive during the waiting game, every step is on step closer to our dream I hope you enjoy it as much as I did


----------



## MissDarcy

Hello everyone

Hoping I can join the adoption buddy gang.

I'm at the very early stages, sent off my form and had the robustness call with the local authority who have recommended me for the next step.  They were really nice and spent lots of time explaining how the process works and a bit about the children they place.

I've got mixed feelings, excitement but also very nervous I'll be turned down during the process.  I'm single and I've had some mental health issues in my past.  It's all ok now and was triggered by family situations at that time in my life. I think it's made me more able to deal with stressful situations now but  I'm worried when it comes to the medical they won't recommend me.  In all other areas there are no issues (besides my infertility!).  Has anyone got a similar story and is further on than me?

Looking forward to reading our successful journeys, I've got 13 pages of this thread to read back on!


----------



## Discoangel

Welcome darcy. Congratulations and making the first huge steps. I am always worried that I will get turned down at each stage! I have not had any mental health issues but I am overweight which is my biggest worry. 

Look forward to following your progress and supporting not each other through our adoption journey!


----------



## butterfly15

Welcome Darcy!!!!  Congratulations on starting your journey xx


----------



## Darmum

Welcome, Miss Darcy! Hope everything goes well and you can enjoy the process!

I've got a little update!
We've got a potential panel date! It's in summer and actually on our 8th wedding anniversary! It could become a doubly memorable day for us!  
Apart from waiting for medical advisor's report back, everything else seem to be fine so we've got dates for Stage 2 training sessions and assessment visits, too!

Aww, I'm sooo excited but we anticipate that matching will take a while after the approval due to my ethnicity, so I should stay calm and keep working, volunteering and learning!   xxx


----------



## Discoangel

That's amazing news Darmum. So pleased for you. So good to hear good news. Wow can't wait to hear about your stage 2 work.


----------



## Darmum

Thank you so much, Discoangel! 
Our assessment visits start in April, so hopefully I can give small updates after each session!

I was overweight as well and lost 12kgs over 2 years and maintaining same weight for a while now. I lost weight for improving fertility so unfortunately it didn't work that way, but my determination and effort worked positively when we were assessed to go onto stage 1. So I'm sure that your effort will work well for adoption process!
I bought Fitbit to see my step counts, recorded food intake and try not to eat more than I was burning. Now I achieved target so I don't count calories but still wearing fitbit everyday and try to walk more than 10000 steps. Exercise-wise, what I did was just walking so I didn't do anything radical but it worked really well. I totally recommend it! Good luck in your weight loss and adoption journey!  xx


----------



## butterfly15

That's great news Darmum how exciting!!!! Keep us posted xx


----------



## Darmum

Thank you, Butterfly!

I really liked "No Matter What" by Sally Donovan as well! I haven't read her second book yet, so I'm looking forward to know your review on it. I'm currently reading "Born For Love" by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavich, but I prefer their previous book "The Boy Who was Raised As A Dog" which seems to be less emotional and talking more about healing process of traumatised children.

I'm interested in reading books about attachment-based parenting and about general child development milestones, so if you find any good books on those topics, please let me know!  xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Welcome Miss Darch,  I too have had mental health issues and am also concerned about the same things you are. Aslong as you have dealt with it I think you should be OK.  No one is perfect.  I'm a bit behind you in the process as we're still waiting for the home visit before registration of interest. 

Well done darmum! 

 to all


----------



## poppy05

Brilliant news darmum, you must be so pleased, well done xx


welcome miss darcy xx


I am struggling a tad at mo, LA have made me really question weather we are going to make it to stage 2    think i posted last week to say they had sent a social worker round to chat to us about finances and my anxiety etc? 
well we made a savings plan with her as we have zero savings, and we were asked to send an email once the first payment had been made into oir savings account!
i did this on mon, and i got a reply of, 'im still finding it hard to understand how you will manage your finances in your current circumstances, can you please help me to understand how you envisage making this work'!
and she tols us that when we lose my wage we will be nearly £300 in debt each month!
I am really annoyed with this, as she didnt take into consideration my adoption pay, or the fact that some of our listed outgoings wont be there, as i wont be going to work, so no petrol, parking, lunches, clothes etc, so we did a completely revised breakdown of finances, showing what it would be when we are living on 1 wage, we have shown where we will make savings, etc, also my inlaws have given us a generous cash gift, its what we would of been given after placement for our child, so we now have a nice little bit in our savings.
our revised finances show that when im on adoption leave we will still have a disposible income, and if we take that away and work solely on dw wages, then we have a shortfall of about £100 which our current savings would cover for 2 years!!!!!! 
we were asked to try and get rid of our £700 overdraught and we paid it off in 1 month! and then got rid of it completely.
what else are we supposed to do? 
we can afford to do this, we will just need to budget as most families do.
i got an email yesterday just saying 'thankyou for your detailed response', but heard nothing more.
im really scared now we will just receive a letter saying that we are not what they are looking for!! 
i didnt expect this to be an easy ride, but i am a little shocked at how harsh they seem to be with us.
i just want to hear now   


sorry for the moan
poppy xx


----------



## Discoangel

Poppy, first off don't say sorry. We all need a place where we can vent to people that understand.I don't know what more she wants you to do! Especially as you have now got some savings and I guess still going with your plan to carry on building that up. The only other thing you could do is book an appointment with your back to make a formal savings plan but that just seems way over the top. It would certainly show your determination. 
Hopefully the new plan you have sent her is enough, but totally understand why your frustrated. 
I think sometime they forget how hard we are working and how many hoops we are jumping through to be parents. 



Hope you hear something more positive soon.


----------



## poppy05

Thanks discoangel   
we have set up a standing order with the bank so on payday 85% of my wages go into our savings account!!!! 
i probably shouldnt be so negative and assume things and second guess what they are going to do, im really strugglng to remain optimistic though, xx


----------



## Discoangel

Its hard not to feel negative tho. Im always trying to second guess issues or problems. It drives my husband spare he is the most relaxed person i know. 

Just keep trying to remember the reasons your doing it and the end goal.


----------



## Hopefull 37

Stay strong poppy!  It's not over yet! Uv put a good plan in place and they do say they don't expect u to b rich and all that! Have faith! 

AFM we had a meeting Monday which went well, my tough start and how I'd relate to kids from tough backgrounds impressed the SW. Home visit arranged for 14th April.  We've been told there's a question mark over us already coz it's only 7 months since my m/c and they like to wait a year, but we told the lady the time length on Monday!  I explained we'd grieved but I'd had anxiety end of last year due to other issues too. Hope we can show them at the visit we're ready.  We're not perfect but we are more than good enough.

Hope all u other ladies are good!


----------



## bambinolove

Hi Poppy,
Have you given them a post adoption cashflow plan? Showing incomings / outgoings, and where the savings will be made? We found when we went through the process that at Stage 1 they almost want to test your resolve, they tell you worst case scenario rather than the average cases. Also, while there are a lot of adopters at the moment, you are still a valuable commodity so to speak, it wasn't until someone said that to us I realised to stand up for us a bit more, so chase them up, prove to them how much you want it.


----------



## poppy05

hi bambinolove
yes we have given them a post adoption finance plan, we hadn't done that, but after the email on mon we decided thats what we needed to show them, so im hoping thats satisfactory. xx


----------



## Darmum

Thank you Hopefull and poppy xxx

Poppy, I'm so sorry to hear your difficult situation... but you've already made a good recovery plan, so I think you should be fine.
It must be really difficult to be picked on like that, but hardship is always a good opportunity to show off your determination and resilience, so stay strong, save up for next few months and show how much difference you can make. Resolving difficult issue calmly would look a lot better than not experiencing hardship at all.
You've got supports from your partner and your support network, so you can do it! Good luck!   xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi Ladies,

Poppy don't apologise thats what we are here for.  Sounds like you have covered all bases so try not to worry. I know its easier said than done though but hang in there. I'm sure it will be just fine.

We had an email yesterday to say they are still waiting to receive one personal reference, one work one and then we will hear about stage two! I'm terrible at the waiting game!!

Darmum I'm going to look up those books you suggested, I've just started reading Preparing for Adoption by Julia Davis which talks about attachment based parenting, its a bit pricey but worth it, I can see me referring back to it in the future.

Xx


----------



## winnie78

Hi ladies, 

Can I join in please? DH and I are applying to adopt in Scotland, not sure how much the proceeds differs in the rest of the UK?

We have 2 birth children (DD age 8 1/2 and DS age 6) already.  We are working through the home study process which seems so slow at times.  All the references are in apart from my brother (#rolleyes).  DH managed to track down his ex wife and she's supplied a reference. SW hasn't been in touch with any of the referees about their home visits yet.

  Only concern so far is that I have had episodes of depression in the past (partly triggered by hormones after childbirth) but although GP had no concerns, medical advisor wants to speak to a clinical psychologist I met once 5 years ago.

Any way look forward to getting to know you all


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## butterfly15

Welcome Winnie from Bonnie Scotland!!! We got married in Scotland last year in dunkeld. 

Our referees havent had their home visits i believe thats in stage two. Have you had preparation groups?

Xxx


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## ClaireDa

Hi all, sorry I have been quiet, its hand in day today and have been quite busy. Hope you are all ok, hello everyone I haven't chatted to you before its nice to have friends who understand the process hey.


----------



## Linz2608

Hi guys

Hope you are all well.  We are just waiting on our Medicals and PVG's then back to approval panel. Winnie we are in Scotland too so if you have any questions then I can maybe help.

Xx


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## Hopefull 37

Welcome winnie, we all have worries about the process which is normal. I think as long as they see you have dealt with it, you'll be fine.


----------



## Darmum

butterfly,
Thank you for info about Julia Davis's book, I found the contents page on Amazon and each chapter follows through adoption process stage-by-stage and looks great! I'll definitely get one! 

Welcome Winnie,
I'm sure that most people who experienced infertility (including me) would've had anxiety or depression at some point, so you are not alone! Important thing is you got over it properly and built resilience from the experience. Now we are on the same boat towards positive future, so let's enjoy the journey! 

Linz,
Aww, are you going to the panel soon? How exciting!! Please keep us updated! 

Claire,
Have you submitted your docs ok? Hope all goes smoothly! 

xxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hello Darmum, yes the docs are submitted, how long is the wait to hear back? How long did you wait?? Hope all well. Thinking of you all xxx


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## Darmum

Hi Claire,

We submitted our docs on 13th March and got panel date and stage 2 schedule on 22nd. So it was very quick from submission but we submitted everything later than other people in the group due to my criminal record clearance from home country, so our SW might have finished all other adopter's assessments before she got our docs. 

We were officially approved to go onto stage 1 on 4th January and it took over 3 months to finish stage 1. All delay was because of our faults (couldn't attend training days, holiday etc) so we're really happy with our LA adoption team's service! 

Hope you get to hear from them soon!  xxx


----------



## winnie78

Thanks ladies, helps talking to people who are going through the same process doesn't it?

buttefly15 we had an introductory home visit last June and then did the preparation groups in October.  Now doing the hone study for the Form F.

Linz2608 - we got the medicals and PVG back a few weeks back but that prompted the medical advisor to ask for an opinion from the consultant psychologist.  Spoke to our SW last week andthe medical advisor asked that I'm copied into the psychologist's reply, nothing yet.

Can I ask if anyone has done their life story yet?  I don't know how long its supposed to be and what the panel are looking from it?  DH has done his but I don't know where to start.

Seeing our SW on Thursday and then she's seeing the kids again in a fortnight.


----------



## Treaco

Winnie r u going through Glasgow. We've been approved through Glasgow 2yrs come June but we've been linked with a child outwith for about 7months now with major delays but hopefully things r moving forward now.

M x


----------



## Linz2608

Winnie I don't think I would be overly concerned about the psychologist getting involved as we had surgeons involved due to one of hubby so issues. We are just waiting on medical appointments had to wait nearly 4 weeks for mine as the docs only do them once a week, so hopefully when that is sorted and the PVG's are back then fingers crossed for panel.

Treaco we adopted from out with our area as well and it was sometimes quite stressful, but we got there in the end!

Hope your all well 
X


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies,

Glad to see all going well for so many of you.

I'mean a little way behind,  we've jus arranged a home visit for 15th April. We may be told to come back later coz they only just told us they like to make people wait a year after tx and we only had treat 7 months ago plus I've had anxiety issues.

 to all.


----------



## Discoangel

I felt like I had really moved forward and was embracing adoption and actually enjoying the process of preparing..... Brother came round this evening and I love him and his wife so much but they came to tell me they were 12 weeks pregnant and I'm now sat here knowing they have gone to tell my mum the amazing news that I so longed to be able to tell her!!!!!!! I feel so crushed and just want to get in my car and drive away! 
I am pleased, I am but it hurts so so much. I go to message my friends but then delete the message as a know they will support me but know they don't truly get it. They all have children. 
I know I sound like a spoilt child but it's just not fair!!!!!


----------



## winnie78

Discoangel - sending you support, that's a tough thing to hear. Life is so unfair.

Treaco - we're applying through Renfrewshire but because DH is a chairperson on the Children's Panel we won't be considered for any child in this council area. So likely to look for a match in Glasgow, East Ren and/or Inverclyde.
  
SW recommended we read "A child's journey through placement" by Vera Fahlberg and in particular the chapter on attachment. So much to learn isn't there?


----------



## Treaco

Linz it's been a bit of a pain adopting outwith as our sw hasn't been able to get information and dates without pulling teeth sometimes but hopefully we're getting there now.

Winnie have sent u a pm.

Discoangel that's hard news to take when ur at ur stage, hopefully things will look up for u soon.

Good luck to everyone else.

M x


----------



## Hopefull 37

It's not easy disco angel and I think we all go through that so don't be hard on yourself! Remember where u are in your journey and that your children will come to you jus in a different way. 

Goodluck to all u ladies.xxx


----------



## Linz2608

Discoangel I'm sure at one stage we have all been in your shoes so know exactly what your going through even now I still get the odd jealous feeling when someone announces their pregnancy hurts less now but still hurts. Pain doesn't go away it just seems to get easier. Hugs your way x


----------



## Discoangel

Thank you so much for you support. I think I was just so shocked how much it upset me they had not even been trying! Grrrrr
Hopefully we will hear back about stage 2 soon so we can just get going with that! 

Is it really bad that I so wanted to check with them if they had a fire blanket and all the other things we had to get for stage one...... Lol!


----------



## butterfly15

Hi Ladies, hope you are all well and had a lovely Easter!  Still no news our end still waiting 

Aww Discoangel I feel your pain, my best friend just annonced she is pregnant too, due in October and said she was scared to tell me, and even though I am also pleased for them it has opened some old wounds that I thought had healed, but even though I am stronger to deal with it than I was two years ago it still does hurt so don't be so hard on yourself.  Especially as it is so close to home for you too, its bound to be hard, big hugs, stay strong!  Your time will come its just around the corner.  You are at the same stage as us, just waiting for stage two to start.


----------



## poppy05

Hi ladies


Sorry I've been a bit quiet, we are still waiting to hear!   
Just wanted to pop by and say hello, and hope you are all well, also hello to our new girls, looking forward to getting to know you and sharing your journeys with you   
poppy xx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Poppy, 
it's nice to see you back here! 
I think your LA hasn't given you a definite answer is a good sign! They haven't made final judgement but observing you, so keep up with your effort and show off what you can do when determined!  

Hi Discoangel,
Sorry for slow response. I had tears in my eyes as I was reading about your brother's news. I had almost exactly the same situation with my sister-in-law. When we finally decided to move onto adoption and registering with LA, we felt really positive and we were planning to announce it after Sunday dinner at my parents-in-law's house. 
However, on the day before, my DH's brother and his wife came round and told us that she's pregnant. We congratulated them and they said they were worried telling us as they knew that we were trying for 7 years and SIL didn't even want a baby yet (BIL wanted but SIL was still career-focused). Then we sent them off with smiles but as soon as closed the frontdoor, both of us started crying. We thought we accepted the reality and became ok without birth children, but it was so painful... 
We lost opportunity to announce and couldn't tell hubby's side family about adoption until few weeks later, as everyone was in celebration mood and we didn't want to make them feel bad, especially father-in-law - he was so happy to know that his first grandchild is finally on its way. 

We eventually told them after we got approval letter to go onto Stage 1 and gradually started talking about their baby but still painful to see scan photos which they proudly presented to us. I still have our baby's scan photo from when he/she was still moving around in my tummy 2 days before he/she came out at 12 week. I couldn't stop thinking about the poor soul after seeing their scan photos, so I had to just switch myself off throughout the Sunday dinner, so I wouldn't start crying. 

Now time has passed, I've been playing with lots of babies and toddlers at volunteering and the baby niece is due early next month. I attended SIL's Baby Shower without becoming sad, I've crocheted a teddy bear for the baby niece and I am actually really looking forward to meeting her.  
We are also planning to get lots of childcare experience with the baby niece, too! 

We are human being so we are made to feel this kind of pain but after the wound heals, you will be stronger, you can feel other people's pains and so you can be kinder to people. 
Take care of yourself, keep a bit of distance from them for now but you will get over this and by the time your nephew or niece pops out, you will be able to congratulate your brother family from bottom of your heart! 

 xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Darmum, I know your message was to disco but i jus wanted to say how lovely it was. Pg announcements always hurt but your right when the shock is over u do actually look forward to the babies arrival. I find its the pregnancy stage which is difficult. 

 to all.xxx


----------



## Ollie 123

Hello, 
Can I join this thread please. 
We are attending our first meeting this Thursday. 
Just starting out this journey,  not sure what to expect. 
Did any of you guys have doubts about whether you could love and accept a adopted child initially? 
Sarah


----------



## poppy05

Hi sarah welcome
I think those thoughts are normal for anyone considering adoption, i have always had adoption in my mind, even if i had a birth child, however once i decided to move on from fertility treatment, it became a huge decision to adopt because i needed to make sure i was doing it for all the right reasons, and i was very scared i wouldnt love him/her the same, i attended some private counselling sessions t help me, and im so glad i did that, as she was fantastic, and made me put alot of things into prospective, now i am totally wholeheartedly excited at the thought of adopting, and am 100% over my fertility journey,mthe door has been firmly closed, and im at peace with everything i have been through, ive accepted there will be no birth children for me, and now i am at this stage, i totally know i can and will love an adopted child just as much.   


darmum thanks for your message, i adtually said to dw this evening that i do believe no news is good news, i think if it was a no we would of had a letter by now, i think they are dragging their heels as they perhaps want to see another payment in our savings, plus we have had easter, and i know the lady dealing with us from the adoption recruitment team has had a weeks holiday, so im sure we will hear soon enough.


I just wanted to add that i know exactly how you are feeling disco, my sister in law is 32 weeks pregnant with twins!!! they had ivf, but they didnt tell us, and myself and my wife we're so annoyed, as we had been through 2 lots of ivf and i had suffered a misscarrage, and yet they just rocked up at our house one evening, waving a scan picture in our faces, saying 'thse are our ivf twins'!!!!!!! my wife took it very badly, and if im honest she is still struggling, we were both really sad, but like i said to dw, we cannot let this affect us or our relationship with our little nephews to be, its not their fault, and of course we are happy that dw's brother and his wife were lucky with their treatment, its just such a terribly hard pill to swallow when 18 months ago we were telling my inlaws that i was pregnant, and we were giving them their first grandchild, but we have to be positive, we ARE going to be givng them the baby of the family! 


poppy xx


----------



## Discoangel

Thank you so much Darmum. Your message meant a lot. I do feel better about things more now. Thank you poppy we had the very same sudden rock up on the door step with scan photo too. sending my love to u all. 
Welcome sarah hope you get a lot from your meeting and look forward to hearing about how it goes! I dont think I worry about loving a child i believe it will slowly happen over time! My husband worries about the whole change in life.  we have been together 15 years and I guess have got ourselves in such a rut in routine He worries about the sudden change from not having a child in our lives to suddenly meeting a child and them coming home with us and the sudden worries that come with having a child! 
It's not an easy process at all! I am finding it a real mix of emotions! But do find it helpful to read how you guys are getting on and message on here.


----------



## Ollie 123

Thanks for your responses.
I will let you know how we get on.
Fingers crossed for the rest of you that the process hurries along xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Welcome ollie! I agree with poppy, once u decide on adoption and make your peace with no more treatment , it's some closure then we felt we could move on and we've so much love to give that we'd love any child. it takes time and a lot of thought. me and dh are only just ahead of u, about to have a home visit.

Goodluck poppy, I'm sure u will be fine. I though you SIL may have had more tact. Hope you dw will be OK,  she may need time. 

 disco angel &all other ladies


----------



## Darmum

Hi Hopefull,
Thank you for your kind words. I think you are right, throughout the treatment phase, I found looking at friend's big bump very hard. But as soon as baby comes out, I'm the one to sit right next to baby, get a cuddle and mums get moment of rest or eating-their-lunch time. Maybe pregnant friends reminded me of my own sad endings of pregnancies...

Welcome Ollie,
I hope you enjoy the first meeting tomorrow!
I have no doubt that I can love and accept our future LO (LO cannot accept me is another story though...). Actually that's my hubby's concern, as I love all children, even the most difficult ones at the nursery where I volunteer and become attached very quickly, so I might become blinded as soon as we see their profiles, even if the child is completely outside of our realistic parenting capacities! So although he is always the quiet one, he wants his opinion to be counted as much as mine, when we come to matching!  

Hi poppy,
Sounds good and positive! Oh yes, I forgot about Easter holiday, of course, lots of SWs weren't working last couple of weeks! I hope your SW gets back to you as soon as returning at work! All fingers and toes crossed for you!  


By the way, I was reading about Corum BAAF's "Adopion Activity Day" today. As we've got panel date, we might be qualified to get referred to one. I'm ethnic minority and it might be harder to find a child locally, so it might be a good idea to attend one in the future. Has anyone heard the reputation and effectiveness of it?? 

xxx


----------



## Kobby76

Hi everybody. Do you have room for one more?

My DH and I are currently in stage 1. Handed in most of our forms, although struggling to get our doctor to do the medical quickly. One of our SW says that that GPs in West Sussex are known to be slow with these forms. Seems strange!
We have the first day of our course next week, and are updating our Adoption work books as our SW said they want it FULL! Do feel a little like I'm over egging things to make it more dramatic. 
We are also slowed down by the fact that both my DH and I lived in America (separately) and need a Certificate of Good Conduct from the FBI! This has involved us going to Scotland Yard to have our fingers prints done, then sending them to the FBI and now hoping that they are actually doing as requested as there's no point of contact with them. Annoyed at how long this could delay us but trying to focus on all the other stuff instead.
Finally got my husband reading some of the adoption books. I read the emotional ones, like Sally Donavan, and he reads the factual books. Working out well though as I'm learning a lot from him. This makes him happy as I've been a nanny for twenty years and have raised ten kids lol. There's always something new to learn!
Just wanted to wish you all good luck and hope you don't mind me popping in every now and again to see how you are all getting on.

Ps. Book recommendations are great recieved!


----------



## Hopefull 37

Welcome Kobby,  I'm sure it won't take too much longer to get through stage one. We all support each other on here.xxx

Darmum, I think that's exactly it. Your pain seems to subside then n ur the 1st in line for cuddles. 

1 more week until our visit....fingers crossed we get the green light. 

 to all.xx


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## ClaireDa

Hi all, we are in 'the wait' to see if we are accepted onto the stage 2 not sure how long we will wait until we hear anything, we have waited 2 weeks so far..... how are you all nice to see all the new folk, nice to meet you good to know we are all in the process and can support each other through... I wonder what happens to the book once handed in?

Take care all


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## poppy05

welcome kobby, good luck with your journey   i have read (well almost) 'the boy who was raised as a dog', and 'is it true you have 2 mums', the first one is excellent and thoroughly recommend, the 2nd one was great to but only really relevant to same sex couples, i have kind of eased off the reading at mo, we are still waiting to hear if we have been accepted for stage 2, and i cant focus on reading anything until i know, then i can get back on to focusing solely on adoption.


claire, i think the workbook is used in stage 2 for the home study, and then you get it back at the end    thank god cos i shed blood sweat and tears on that thing!! 


Hopefull i have everything crossed for you hun   


darmum, when do you start your stage 2 prep?


----------



## Darmum

Hi Kobby,
I had to get criminal record clearance from my home country, too! We had been planning to go back to home country for holiday in Feb-Mar anyway, so I applied for it when we were there. 
I think UK police force charges too much for just taking fingerprints (£74 or something isn't it?). Moreover, most of regional police forces seem to have joined up now and there're no police stations provide fingerprinting service within 1 hour drive from us, which was off-putting enough. It was all free in my home country!  
Anyway, hope you enjoy the process! 
I put some book recommendations in my previous comments, so please feel free to click my name and see past posts.

Hopefull,
Fingers crossed for your green light! 

Claire,
All the best for your acceptance to stage 2! I have no idea what would happen to our learning books once submitted, probably used by our SW to write our PAR?

Hi Poppy,
We had our first Stage 2 home visit! 
We had to talk a lot but we know our SW well by now and she's very calm and easy to talk to, so was quite relaxing and felt quite therapeutic.
When I talk, I often get sidetracked by little details especially when I speak in English, so it must have been quite difficult and boring to listening to the back and forth story!  Thankfully she was very patient! 

We also asked her some questions about bits and bobs came up to our mind (finances etc).

Ah, she also told us that there are currently ZERO children waiting from my ethnic origin and there are two digits number adopters from my ethnic background are waiting nationally!  
Hmmmm, I thought it would be something like that, but now it's almost definite that there will be a loooong wait with harsh competition ahead of us... 
We got to be proactive... sigh 


* I removed a bit of details about what involved during Home Visit, as instructed on "Important information for those posting on the adoption thread". Sorry I didn't read the rule properly before posting... (9 Apr)


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## butterfly15

Morning ladies! Just had a catch up of all your posts! 

Big welcome to the newbies and good luck with your journey. All your feelings and thoughts are perfectly normal. It's great being on here as we are all on the same journey and it's nice to have other people who are in the same boat. 

I found out today that my friend miscarried and even though it's hard at first when you find out about their pregnancy it's so very sad to hear this news as I was so pleased for them and hoping she would have a girl as she already has two boys.  

We are still waiting to hear about stage 2!!


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## ClaireDa

Sorry to hear about your friend butterfly, that is sad news

We are in the waiting game for stage two also

Hopefully will know soon


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## Darmum

Hi Butterfly,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend... Hope she gets a good support from her family and friends and the sad time passes as quickly as possible...  
Hopefully you hear about the Stage 2 soon!

Hi Claire,
Hope you hear about your progress onto stage 2, too!

Xxxx


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## alig1972

Hi 

Can I join you? I have been on the 2014/2015 thread (for a very long time!) as we have had a few hiccups along the way in our journey, but that thread is ending. There is a little bit of history on my signature.

Anyway we are going to panel this month on 20th, so just over a week to go. I never thought we would get this far! We have signed off our PAR and it is really positive   and we are so pleased with it. It just goes to show that having the right SW working with you is so important, as we finally have one that totally understands us. 

So the nerves are kicking in and we have everything crossed for a positive recommendation      

Ali x


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## poppy05

hi and welcome alig, best of luck for panel, its nice to have someone in here who is a bit further on, im sure there will be lots of questions for you


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## Darmum

Welcome Ali,
Oh dear, your adoption journey sounds like a nightmare but now you've got a good PAR so hopefully all goes well at the panel this time! 
All the best!   xxx


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## Neniel

Hello ladies,

Can I still join you? We are still at the very beginning of the journey, we will be having our first meeting tomorrow. I am nervous and excited. I can think of so many reasons why they might think we're not suitable to adopt a child, which doesn't help my nervousness...

S


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## Hopefull 37

Welcome and good luck alig1972 - hope all goes well for you!

Welcome nenial, I am around the same stage and like u I am so nervous of all the things they could refuse us for but I am sure there are so many positive things going for you, more than negative so try to focus on that. 

Our home visit is Friday, I'm trying to be positive and hope they see what great parents we will be. I do worry they will judge my anxiety but that is jus one small part of me/us.so hoping we get the green light  

 to all u ladies!xxxx


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## butterfly15

Welcome and good luck Alig1972 fingers crossed for you after your long journey!!!!

Welcome Neniel, you are bound to be anxious but try not to worry, although thats easier said than done, good luck I'm sure you will be fine.

Thanks Clairema and Darmum for your kind words about my friend.

This waiting malarky is a nightmare isn't it

xx


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## poppy05

butterfly im so sorry to read about your friend, thats really sad, i hope she is doing ok?   


welcome nenial, i think your feelings are perfectly normal, and as the other ladies have said, im sure you will be fine, good luck sweetie


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## Darmum

Welcome, Neniel!

You'll get so much training through the process (plus self learning like reading, volunteering and attending short courses etc) and you'll be geared up by your agency, so you'll be fine by the time you get approved! Apparently, it costs LAs and VAs a lot of money to assess each of us, so they want us to get approved! Your SW will be on your side to get through each step so you should be fine! Let's enjoy the process together!  xxx


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## Neniel

Good morning and thank you all for your kind words.
I can't wait for the appointment now and hope they can see the positives and not just focus on the negatives. For example we are both overweight, but have changed our eating habits and both started exercising, so hopefully will be able to lose weight soon. We're not at the BMI yet that this particular agency has set as a limit, but I hope they can see we're working towards it.


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## edcoyy

Hi all.  Let me join this thread as well. So many intended adopters in one place!   
my wife and I decided to adopt after three years of infertility. we want to have a child very much. we want to enjoy parenting now, when we're not that old. i know that adoption process may take years, so we were impatient to start. our friends helped us choose adoption facilitator with good reputation. we decided to go internationally, currently pursuing adoption from Ukraine. would be pleased to meet anyone who have already adopted from this country, as well as future adoptive families. we're now at the stage of collecting documents, so lots of work have to be done


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## Darmum

Welcome edcoyy,

Oh you are the brave one to go for International Adoption! I've had looked into adopting one from my home country once, before we chose an agency in the UK but it seemed to be too complicated and not even sure if it would be possible (there were no past examples online at all in both languages) so we went for domestic. Also, I've had enough of Home Office's inefficiency and brutal fees for my own visa applications in the past, so I couldn't even think about going through that all over again for another person...  
However, Ukraine is part of EU so process might be a lot simpler though. I've heard that there are so many children waiting at orphanages in former Soviet Union countries, so it'll be fantastic that you can give them a safe and happy home!
All the best in your International Adoption journey!


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## Neniel

We went to the info evening and had a chat with the branch manager. As I expected she told us we have to lose weight. Also, she said that we need to apply for British citizenship, we're both not British, but we're from another EU country and have been living here for 8 years now not planning to move. Applying for citizenship is something we want to do anyway, but it is expensive and at the moment, we're trying to reduce our debts and save a bit of money, as these are things we've been told to do before. She told us to reapply in 12 months time and sort these things out in the meantime. Being a British citizen isn't a legal requirement, so I am not sure why they are making it a requirement. 
Do you think it's worth speaking to other VAs/LAs or would I just hear the same things?


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## butterfly15

Thanks Poppy I haven't spoken to her yet as they have gone away for a week. I will catch up with her when she is back.

Welcome edcoyy, I am really not sure if other LA's will say the same thing, quite possible it is across the board, but its worth a try, perhaps contact a couple and see what they say you never know.  Good luck let us know what they say.

I am starting to worry now as we still haven't been contacted about stage 2.  Our last prep course was on 11th March did anyone else wait this long or is this normal and do I need to just be patient? They did say there would be a bit of a lull but I am just getting a bit anxious now.


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## poppy05

Hi butterfly, we are in exactly the same position as you hun, although they did extend our stage 1 completion until the 20th may! i was under the impression we wouldn't necessarily wait until then though?    i dont want to be too optimistic but i do feel that if it was going to be a no then surely they would of told us by now? surely they wouldn't be that cruel to keep you hanging for a no?
I know through friends who have just been approved that they are being really strict with who they accept right now, as too many prospective adopters are coming through compared to children needing homes.
When we had the home visit a few weeks back we told the sw we had completed a baby and child first aid course, and did she want our certificates, she did take them, and today we received them back, so again im thinking, if it was a no then would they not send them back with a 'thanks but no thanks' letter?
Im really trying hard to be positive, but i cant help feeling worried, if its a no then im afraid thats it, i wont ever be a mum    i cant keep on with this, im nearly 40 and have been trying to have children half my life, so im just hoping and praying we have done enough to be accepted.
I really hope you hear soon hun, as i know exactly how you are feeling, what area are you in? you dont have to say in here if you dont want to, just wondering if we are same? 


nenial, ah hun im sorry you didn't hear what you wanted to at the info event, im sorry i cant help you with your question, as i have no idea about the citizenship thing, i am inclined to think other LA's and VA's would probably request the same    i know they are quite strict with BMI's too, both of us are overweight, and although we aren't over their limit, it has still been raised with us, and we have had to provide them with information of what we intend to do to lose some, i have lost 2 stone, before we started this, and they know we both joined slimming world.
Im beginning to see just how difficult the adoption journey is, but we must remain resilient, and and fight for the family we desire.


How is everyone else doing? xxx


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## Darmum

Hi Neniel,

I'm sorry to hear about your first info evening... It must have been so hard to hear all that... 
You may be able to still qualify to adopt as you are (I'm non-EU with permanent residency and my hubby is British), but because of current UK adoption climate, children's LAs are so picky so the assessing agency might want to eliminate any possible "excuses" which can be used for declining.
Probably the branch manager was telling her honest opinion from her experience, so rather than pushing it through with other agency now and not get approved or wait for ages at the matching stage, it might be a good idea to postpone the application for few months to prepare for the competition. Lose weight, pay off debt, apply for citizenship if you wanted it anyway, do some volunteering and have some reading and learning, then if you achieved all, it will show your determination and strength. 
I'm not saying to give up completely but just hold back for few month or a year, which many people after fertility treatment had to do anyway, then make yourself a "strong" candidate and try again!
I still think that citizenship is unnecessary, but as "IN" or "OUT" referendum is so close, it might be a good idea to see what happens with it as well.
Show off your determination and good luck!  xxx


Butterfly and poppy,

I'm so sorry to hear that it's taking so long to hear about the approval to S2.
As poppy says, I don't think they would keep you hanging for just a no, so the delay must be caused by purely how busy the SWs are. They might be part-time, yet still have to take holidays and if they have children, they've still only just got back to work after Easter holiday, then they have to reply all emails and correspondences... All documents might be ready to go but they need a signature from their boss and she's been ill, or their previous round PAs have just got matched etc, etc... So just be patient, stay positive and keep trying to make positive changes!
Meanwhile, well done poppy for losing 2 stone! That is a great achievement!   
How is the financial side going? Think that this waiting game is your opportunity, rather than a negative sign, as you can improve so much using this time! Keep going!


I signed up for a walking event in May for a charity, it's only 11 miles (we did 7 miles last year) but I'm enjoying training for it! 
I can feel that the children at the volunteering are being more comfortable with me and started pushing boundaries! Seeing little signs of their trust sometimes makes me almost cry with happiness though. I'm soooo lucky to be allowed to spend time with those gorgeous kids! I'm less scared of wiping their runny nose or jumping into mud with them now!  
Oh, I can sing more British nursery rhymes with actions, too. I'm learning with them!  xxx


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## Neniel

Hello.
We are trying to lose weight and my husband is losing well. Just me, I'm not...I have been diagnosed with PCOS and weight loss is just so slow...I am going to the Gym regularly, I have a personal trainer, I am eating low carb and count my calories, but the weight is just not shifting...so frustrating. 
With regards to citizenship the problem is the cost...we've been told it's about 5000 GBP for the both of us to become citizen, which isn't peanuts...
It's just frustrating and makes me sad...The info evening we went to was with a VA. I spoke to an LA yesterday, who were a lot more positive. I told them upfront the things we've been told by the VA and they said these things on their own wouldn't necessarily be a problem, as they would look at us as a whole, which the VA never did. We are going to 2 more info evenings of 2 LAs, one on Saturday and one on 07/06, so I hope we can get further there.

poppy and butterfly, the waiting must be really frustrating, I hope you hear soon.


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## DRocks

Though I would introduce myself, we are a F/F couple and have been approved just over two years now.
The good news is our LA only have a handful approved and that tables have turned and children are coming through think and fast.
Bad news is that a whole new bunch will be approved in the next 3-6 months so the race is on.
Finally have my weight down to a level that makes us more appealing,my weight has always been contentious and had us differed at panel once. Also need to get updated medicals and our police checks are being re done.

So we will be good to go within the next three weeks. I'm nervous and excited about this part of the journey. We are now seeking F2A or "normal" adoption, so our path could head in either direction.
But the time feels right, never in the past two years have I thought it was our time, but it does feel like that. Even writing that fills me with nerves. 
The two years have given us time to talk through everything 100x over, we have been able to start a new business, grow it and find a perfect work life balance that allows us both to be very hands on once the time comes.

We are lucky to have a very supportive SW that feels more like a friend so that's a blessing.
Anyway, I'm going to be here a lot more from now on.


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## poppy05

Welcome disneyrocks, fingers crossed it wont be much longer until you are matched, and wow i didnt realised they could defer you at panel cos of weight!!! i better get my mouth wired shut!!!! 


nenial im so glad you have had a bit more positivity from the LA, really hope they accept you   


AFM, well i cant believe im posting this, but i got the call today!!!!! and we have been accepted for stage 2!!!!!!    our prep course begins on 11th may, we havent been told about our sw yet, but im sure it wont be long until we hear.
I almost fainted when she rang me, i shook for about an hour after hahaha.
You next butterfly, hang in there my lovely no news is definately good news.


Hi to everyone else xx


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## Dame Edna

Gate-crashing this chat .....

So pleased for you Poppy  .  You are well on your way  

Adoption rocks ! .

X


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## butterfly15

OMG Poppy that's fantastic news!!!!!! I am so excited for you, keep us posted!!!!!  And thank you for your lovely, supportive post!  I do think you are right, I will leave it until next week and drop them an email!! But my goodness you are into stage too massive congratulations to you!!!! 

Thanks Darmum I know you are right and good luck with the walking event in May, I have also thrown myself into the gym and really loving it as it is something else to focus on during the waiting.  My husband and I love cycling too so now the weather is getting better we can start doing that.  We have booked a last minute break away this weekend to Wales and intend to do Snowdon weather permitting!!

Hang in there Neniel, let us know how you get on 

Welcome Disneyrocks, keep us updated it will be nice to see hear how you get on.

xxxx


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## Treaco

Hiya like Disneyrocks thought would introduce myself as we've been approved 2yrs come june but hopefully we're in the process of finally being matched now. We got officially linked to our little lady last Friday and matching panel is the 26th May but she is outwith our LA and we've been unofficially linked with her since last August but there has been delay after delay. Our medicals and disclosure checks r also getting redone.

Poppy great news about stage 2. Nenial hopefully u'll get on ok with the La. Butterfly hopefully u'll hear soon.

Good luck to the rest of u.  Disneyrocks this has to be our year.

M xx


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## poppy05

Treaco oh wow how exciting, when do intro's start? i bet you are so excited? what a hard few months you must of had though since initially being linked with her   will all be worth ot thought when she is home


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## Darmum

Hoooraaaay! Poppy!!! Well done and congratulations!! \(^O^)/
I'm sure that your SW gave you a bit of exam and was watching how you react with it! And of course, you've passed!! Keep up with your great job! I'm sooooo happy for you!   

Butterfly, I'm sure that your news is ready to come out the SW's office in any moment! Enjoy Snowdon holiday (sounds amazing!), you'll become busy once you get into S2! 

Neniel,
I'm glad to hear that you got more positive reaction from LA! LAs have children in their care, so there's a good chance that they can place their own! If you are looking for particular race or ethnicity, some LAs have more choice than the other, so have a look around that, too. I am a bit regretting that I didn't call further LAs for mixed child, as our LA said that children in their care are predominantly white British and probably they will not place white British child with us. So probably I'll ask my SW to let us go beyond the border sooner than other adopters after approval.

Welcome Disneyrocks and Treaco,
Disneyrocks, It's amazing how much difference in your life you've made to welcome your future LO! Using waiting time to create perfect life-work balance sounds very positive and I'm sure that it'll work positively for matching! All the best!
Treaco, all the best for the matching panel, I cannot wait to hear about your little princess soon!  


I asked HR at my work to add the April 2015 change to our HR manual, as it was missing the details about FFA. The policy writer is very supportive and he promised to update it shortly. Phew, another job is done! 

xxx


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## butterfly15

Evening all!! We are back from Snowdon and I ache all over but it was a lovely weekend and another little achievement accomplished!  

Hi Treaco, lovely news for you after such a long process!! Keep us posted!!!!  

Here's to the start of another week and more progress for us all!!

xxx


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## Hopefull 37

Well done poppy!

We had our visit Friday, which went really well, they really like us but I think they have concerns over my anxiety issues. I am dealing with them but I've a feeling we will be told to wait. We hear on Wednesday if well be accepted to stage 1. Not feeling hopefully at all.

Goodluck to all u ladies!xxxxx


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## poppy05

Sending hugs hopefull    be positive hun, i have everything crossed for you xx


Butterfly im glad you had a lovely weekend away, i hope you hear something this week   


Thankyou guy's for your messages, means alot   
We received our stage 1 report yesterday, and we are both happy with everything they have written, and the things that came up in it are the things we had already had in our minds that they would say, no big issues, just a couple of things to go over during our assessment, so really pleased.   


Hope you have all had a lovely weekend, we had a family wedding yesterday, so feeling a little delicate today! 
and today we went to meet dw's cousins new baby, had some lovely cuddles, but could of done without my pregnant sil and bil being there as the whole visit was talk of breast feeding, nappies, sleeping patterns, and just about everything else pregnancy/new born related stuff!!
Im very much over wanting a birth child, but i do feel that no one considers mine and dw feelings regarding baby stuff, no one asked how we are getting on with our adoption process, people can be so selfish and easily forget the struggles of having a family! considering everyone in that room today has gone thru ivf, im quite surprised really.
nevermind we will get our turn


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## Hopefull 37

Thanks poppy, I'm so worried but if they do say take more time,  we would use it to strengthen our case.

2 more days......

Xxx


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## butterfly15

Thanks for the hugs Poppy!!!  Some people just don't think before they speak I understand completely what you are saying, your turn is just around the corner!!!!! Sending hugs right back at ya!  

Good luck Hopefull keeping everything crossed for you!!


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## Poshfi

Hi everyone
I'm back on the journey again after a 2 month hold...LA didn't notice our ivf until early stage 1 so we were held up. 

We've now received our workbook and training dates! The workbook is so daunting...the chronological section seems ok, but I'm not very good at writing about myself. Does anyone have any tips? 

We've also been told that we should get some childcare experience as we have no references with kids to vouch for us. It's seems crazy as we have lots of family and have always been around children. I'm hoping one of the nurseries close by can let me volunteer for a few days! 

But excited to start! Xx


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## butterfly15

Welcome Poshfi!!

It's just an idea but why don't you ask a close friend or family member to write something about you or ask them to describe you and what you like doing. 

Good luck xxxx


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## poppy05

Welcome back poshfi
The workbook seems daunting at first but once you get started it isn't so bad, try to look at it one question at a time rather as a whole, and answer everything as honestly as you can, and the more you write the better, i had to print off all our answers and staple it in, so our book was like war and peace by the end!!! 
Add in significant events, happy and sad, significant family members and friends.
I wrote some of mine out in rough first, and it did take me 2 or 3 attempts before i felt happy with my answers, we tried to think of everything possible to write, they do go through the workbook and what they expect from you in your prep course, try not to worry hun you will be fine. xxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Butterfly,
Great to hear that you had a lovely holiday in Snowdon! It must be so pretty with lots of flowers and greens! 

Hopeful, 
Well done for the first meeting with your LA, sounds like you gave a good impression! I'm sure that every adopter has some weaknesses but you are aware of yours so you can work on it if it comes back again, so that's a good thing! Relax for now and wait for a good news!  

Poppy and Butterfly,
I know why your SW took longer to get back to poppy, as you've got the written assessment report for S1. Our LA didn't do the report for S1, so we rolled into the S2 straight after S1. All agencies must be doing their assessment process differently, so Butterfly, just relax and enjoy your life for now, your SW must be working hard on your assessment!  xxx 

Welcome back, Poshfi! 
I don't think many people have written about themselves unless blogger or writer, so just relax! If you are really worried, brainstorm for each question, make bullet points on another sheet of paper or separate word document and then assemble together. You'll revisit what you wrote again and again throughout the assessment process, so being honest with everything is the key. You'll be fine! Good luck!

Regarding childcare experience, I really recommend you to do volunteering - not only for childcare experience but it's really a great fun! I had never had experience spending time with kids when their parents were not present, so when they became difficult, sad or need toilet, I could just hand them back. However, in the nursery setting, I'm the one to deal with their tantrum, comforting their sadness and their other needs with helps by childcare specialists, so you'll get a lot of different experience. The training they gave me in advance was all relevant to adoption too and furthermore, running around with them and keep picking kids and toys up from floor level make you fit, too!  
Hope you find a perfect place to volunteer! xxx


----------



## Neniel

And so it begins...I've been to another Information evening yesterday (without my OH as he is away for work) and it was so so positive, much more so than the other agency and our own LA. It was with an LA about 25 miles away of where we live. They said the weight is not a problem per se, as long as we can prove we are doing something to change that, which we are doing. Also we're not required to become British citizen before we can adopt. So now, the next step is the home visit, which will be after our holiday. We're flying to the US for 3 weeks next week Friday, I'm sooo excited. 
I feel a lot more positive now and think we might actually be able to do this. 
They said the initial home visit will take about 2.5 hours, is that always the case? They will then be able to tell us straight away if they can accept us onto stage 1. I can't wait to get started now. 

I hope everyone is well and for those of you still waiting for an answer from a SW I hope the wait won't be too long. It must be so frustrating...


----------



## poppy05

ah nenial im so pleased for you, that all sound nuch more positive, good luck for the home visit xx


----------



## Neniel

Thank you poppy. I am feeling so much more optimistic now.


----------



## Poshfi

Thanks everyone for your lovely words of encouragement. I've started writing it today and finding it strangely therapeutic....plus it's scary how many life events I hadn't thought of in years! 
Xx


----------



## butterfly15

Ah thanks Darmum I am really trying to stay positive and be patient!!  But the longer you wait the harder it get lo!

That's great news Neniel looking forward to hearing all about your progress!!

Evening everyone else hope you had a happy Wednesday I am having a glass of wine!

xx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hey ladies I've come on here to say good bye and good luck to you all.

We were told today we need more time so we hope to adopt one day but not for now.

Uv all been lovely and I wish you all well.xxxxx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

So we had our panel today and we got a unanimous YES   
Can't believe after 3 1/2 years that we are finally approved, now the hard work starts! 
We had a meeting with the family finder afterwards and she has already circulated our profile to the LA's 
Lets hope we don't have to wait too long for a match


----------



## butterfly15

Awww Hopefull what an absolute shame, big hugs to you and fingers crossed one day will be your day!!  Don't give up hope just yet.  Big Big hugs  

Congratulations alig, fingers crossed you are matched soon! xx


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## poppy05

hopefull im so sorry to read your post, i really do hope that when you are ready to go again that they accept you with open arms, sending you a big hug    and i wish you all the very best xx


alig congratulations thats wonderful news, fingers firmly crossed that you will be matched very soon   


butterfly hoping this is your week too,


----------



## Darmum

Hi Neniel,
Aww, the LA sounds great! I'm so glad that you found the right agency for you. All the best for your journey! xx

Poshfi,
Enjoy writing! You might be the next Sally Donovan!   xx

Butterfly,
Your comments sound always upbeat and positive, so I'm sure that you'll make a lovely happy mum and give very positive influence to a LO! Hang on there, your SW will get back to you soon!  xx

Hopefull,
Oh noooo! I'll miss your gentle comments...   
I'm sure that you will become a very sweet mum one day, so take a bit of time until your wound heals completely. I'll be waiting for your return!   xxx

Alig,
Congratulations on your approval!! I hope you find your lovely LO soon! I'm looking forward to hear the progress! All the best! xx


----------



## Neniel

Hopefull, I am sorry to hear that. I am sure your day will come, don't give up yet. I wish you all the strength you need.

alig, congratulations, you must be really happy.  I hope the wait for you LO is not too long 

Darmum, thank you


----------



## edcoyy

Alig, I'm so happy for you! Congratulations!
we're also a step closer to fulfillment of our dream. Almost all the papers needed to apply have already been collected. We're waiting just for our medical reports to be finished. It will probably take around 2 weeks more. nut it's ok. we're very impatient to start. my dear wife have already bought a few modern books on adoption and parenting an adopted child. I hope i'll have some free time to add to this on weekends.
we're also impatiently waiting for our first adoption classes. i hope they will be informative, won't they? who knows? or just wasting time? I think theory is great, but practice is always better


----------



## Neniel

My sister just told me that she is pregnant and that she and her boyfriend are getting married later this year, she's 22 and they haven't even been trying for a baby. It hit me quite hard... I mean I am at peace with the fact that I won't have birth children, but I didn't expect this and she caught me of guard. I am happy for her... but can't help feeling a little bit jealous...


----------



## poppy05

big hugs nenial    your feelings are completely normal and im sure i can speak for us all in that we totally understand how you are feeling    your time is coming honey,


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks ladies,  I'll miss your lovely comments. would love to hear from you on how you're all doing. 

Hopefully in time we'll be able to  try again.xxx


----------



## poppy05

Yes keep in touch with us hopefull, did they give you a time frame of when would be good to try again? xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls trying to catch up with u all.

Nenial it's only natural the way ur feeling, ur time will come with ur lo soon.
Hopeful did they say how long u had to wait.
Alig well done with panel, hope ur wait isn't as long as ours.
Poppy u'll be excited to start stage 2.
Poshfi has ur training started.
butterfly have u heard yet.
Darmum how u doing.

Hi to anyone I've missed

We're just counting down the weeks till matching panel so we can arrange to get our little lady home.

M xx


----------



## Darmum

Neniel,
I know how painful it is ...  It'll take a bit of time but the positiveness of adoption path will help you to feel better, so keep a distance from them for now and focus on your own family building!   xx

Hopefull,
We waited for a year after we made the first contact to an agency (wasn't told to do so but we decided by ourselves), then cleared our heads, researched a lot and looked around for volunteering opportunities etc during the "hold-back" time and felt fully prepared and motivated when we went back to full-commitment, so I'm sure that holding back for a bit is not a bad thing! I'm looking forward to seeing you coming back here with a big smile!   xxxxx

Treaco,
Only a month and a bit til your matching panel! Exciting! All the best and please keep us updated!  

We had the third S2 Home Visit this week and everything is going really well! I'm discovering "real me" and "new me" through these sessions. We've got few more Home Visits as well as training sessions to get ready for our approval panel in summer!  
Weather is getting nicer, flowers are blooming and the walking event is getting closer, so we've been doing a lot of walking, too.

Hope everyone is doing well!  xxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi all, sorry I've been quiet, we get to move on to the next step... I am so happy am interested to see what stage 2 will bring, I am sorry to here hopeful.. big hug xx hello to all the new people. Looking forward to having the course before stage 2 begins now


----------



## poppy05

congrats claire, it is so exciting, good luck xx


----------



## Neniel

Thank you for your nice words. I am feeling a lot better today. Despite not living in the same country my sister and I are very close, so I want to be happy for her and I am. If everything goes well for us (and the time frames the LA has given us are anything to go by) we might be lucky in that her baby and our LO could be about the same age. That would be nice 

I am feeling a lot more positive today, I just wasn't expecting it. Now I've had time to digest it, it's fine.


----------



## ClaireDa

Thanks poppy  
Hi neniel, glad you are feeling a bit better, take care


----------



## butterfly15

Hi ladies just been catching up with everones posts.

Thank you Darmum for your lovely words ive always been a glass half full kinda girl and always try to look on the positive side of things as I can see you do too but its hard sometimes as we all know so being on here supporting and being supportive really helps. Glad stage 2 is going well.

Neniel its natural for you to feel the way you do so try not to be hard on yourself your time will come. Glad you are feeling better today  

Great news Claireda on stage two looking forward to reading your posts!!

Edcoyy the adoption classes were fantastic! Emotionally draining but so helpful and informative.

Hello to everyone else we still haven't heard about stage two but its the weekend so going to enjoy it and next week who knows

Xxx


----------



## Darmum

edcoyy,
Sorry somehow I missed your comment! We couldn't attend my first training session but our SW gave us a private session with same contents and that was great! Biggest regret for us was missing the opportunity to meet our fellow local prospective adopters, so enjoy mingling with yours!  xx

Hi Claire,
Congratulations for getting through to the S2! I found that the Home Visit sessions are very therapeutic, so I hope you enjoy it, too! Well done!   xx

Neniel,
Glad to hear that you feel a bit better. Once the initial shock passed, you'll really look forward to meet your sister's little one, so take a deep breath and carry on!     xx 

Butterfly,
That's the spirit! Have a lovely weekend!   xxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Thank you Darmum and Butterfly


----------



## Helend75

Hello all, I just wanted to give you a tip that worked really well for my OH & I this week. Within the adopters from my prep group, a private ******** group was set up. On Monday morning one posted that they were expecting a child's sw the following day did anyone who had been through this have any advice? 
There was the usual 'be yourself', but one mum commented that she's asked the child's sw why they were visited? Now, we'd been keeping it quiet but we had a child's sw visit us on Monday in a competitive link, so this was very timely advice! 
As it is, my sw said she'd ask - then forgot, so as we were rounding things up I asked the visiting sw & family finder what had made them shortlist us. Firstly, their response was really positive but secondly, I said to OH once they'd left that I felt that had been a really good question & were we to find ourselves in this position again then I'd definitely ask. I think it refreshes the sws mind as to why they were first attracted to your PAR.

As it stands, I don't think I will be in that position again as Monday worked out for us 😊


----------



## Neniel

Hi Helend, that's a good tip. Fantastic news, that the visit worked out for you


----------



## butterfly15

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all well.  I gave in today and emailed our adoption agency for an update. She replied straightaway saying that everything was with her manager who will decide if we go through to stage two and we should know by the end of the week.  If she hasn't had anything from her by Friday then she is going to follow up with her.  So fingers crossed we know by Friday!!


----------



## poppy05

Good luck butterfly, ive got everything crossed for you, im sure it will be a yes


----------



## butterfly15

Thank you Poppy   xx


----------



## Neniel

Good Luck butterfly. I hope you'll hear soon and it's positive new. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.


----------



## butterfly15

Hello everyone hope you all had a lovely bank holiday weekend!  We had a very quiet one but nice all the same.  We didn't hear about stage two on Friday like we thought we would but instead one colleague told me she is 5 weeks pregnant and other found out they are expecting a boy ha ha!  How ironic!  Joking aside its lovely news for them.  I got a text on Saturday morning from a couple on our prep course to say they received a letter confirming they are into stage two so I am staying positive ours will be in the post very soon! 

I have a nice day off today to collect my sister from the airport and its her birthday so off out for dinner later! And only three days in work!!  

Have a good week everyone! xx


----------



## poppy05

Oh butterfly i got excited when i saw you had posted, i cant believe they still havent told you, it just has to be good news, no way would they keep you waiting this long if it was a no, you will be joining your friends with your good news next, everything runs in 3's.


please please let this be your week!   


Hi everyone else, how are you all doing? xx


----------



## butterfly15

Thanks Poppy how are things with you?


----------



## poppy05

All fine thanks butterfly, we have our 3 day prep course next week, i feel like we have had such a huge stop gap, that im struggling to get back on track with my reading and researching, i really must dedicate some time to it, im sure once next week is here and we are back into it i will be ok.
saw friends tonight (one of them is adopted) and we had a really good long chat about everything, so i feel a bit hyped up now and looking forward to getting started again.
Are you ok? i cant believe you still havent heard    i dont know why but ive got a feeling you will hear tomorrow?   


Hows everyone doing? darmum you have been quiet hun, all ok?   


claire have you had your prep course yet?   


nenial hows u?


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've been quiet! Work has been busy, doing lots of walking and we've got a bit of homework (more docs to submit) for next home study too, so busy writing a lot again... 

I'm fine thank you, we had a lovely bank holiday with 11 mile walk for a charity. It was very hilly towards the end and I was almost crying but my hubby took my hand and pulled to the finish! I fell in love with my hero again!  
Got a little participation medal, few blisters and absolutely exhausted but now thinking to try next distance up, 15 miles for next year!  

Ah, my little niece arrived to the world this afternoon, too! We haven't met her in person yet, but she seems to have daddy's eyes and mummy's hair. I cannot wait meeting her soon! 

We've got the 4th home study this week and also 3 day prep course next week, too. It must be just a coincidence but it'd be lovely if I bumped into poppy at the course! 

Helend,
Congratulations on your matching and thank you for the useful tip, we'll definitely ask the question, once we got to that stage! How is the process going since?

Butterfly,
It's unbelievable that you are still held up!! I'm sure that the good news is in the post, just waiting to be opened by you!  

We're going to London on Friday for my birthday weekend with a musical, museums and motor show! 
Have a lovely rest of the week and weekend! 

 xxxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Oh darmum how funny if we are on the same course!   that would be great, ours is wed, thurs, fri, it sounds pretty full on too, cant wait now. 
well done on your walk, thats a great achievement. xx


----------



## Darmum

Ah, mine is Wed, Thu and Sat so must be the different one…   My SW told me that it used to be three concecutive days as well but all participants became like zombies at the end of day three, so they made a break in between!  

Enjoy yours and I'm looking forward to hear about it later!   xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi all!! You won't believe it........we are on to stage two finally!!!!!!!!! Poppy you were right about hearing today, we just have to confirm and then we have our first session with our social worker!!!!! We are so excited!! Thank you for all your positivity!!!!

Poppy I'm sure once you start the course you will get back into it, I must admit we are like that at the moment too as there is such a gap in between stages.

Well done on your walk Darmum!!! And your hero hubby!! And congratulations on becoming an Aunty too!! Have a fab weekend and lovely birthday!!

Still can't believe it!!!!

Xx


----------



## Darmum

Yiiiiippeeeeeee! ＼(^o^)／
Congratulations, Butterfly! Awwww, I'm sooooooo happy for you!!!      
You've been sooooooo positive and am sure that your SW must have been able to tell your happy and sparkly personality!!!
Good luck for your first session, it's been all positive experience for us, so hope you enjoy it, too!

I'm looking forward to hear your S2 process update soon!  XXXXXXXXXX


----------



## poppy05

WOO HOO!!!!!!! oh butterfly i am sooooo happy for you hon, i knew you would be ok, i had such a good feeling for you, thats brilliant news, im so glad you have finally heard from them,  
Good luck for your visit, looking forward to going through stage 2 with you xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Thank you Poppy and Darmum, this is where the fun begins, looking forward to riding that roller coaster with you both!!!

Have a fabulous weekend, enjoy the sunshine while it lasts!!!!

xxxx


----------



## poppy05

Welcome kandy, good luck for your visit,


----------



## butterfly15

Welcome Kandy good luck!! Xx


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## Darmum

Welcome, Kandy! Enjoy the first visit, it wasn't scary or anything but probably have a look round whole house, so good luck for tidying up!  xxx


----------



## Poshfi

Hi
Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately...busy getting our workbook part 1 in. Finally handed in today so we can relax until our training next week. We should be done stage 1 by end of this month! I know it's only the start in a long road of learning, meeting and paperwork but I'm glad we're this far! 
I've been reading Sally Donovan's book "no matter what" all I can say is wow! It's heart wrenching to read parts of it but definitely prepares you for what might come ahead. There are times when I had to stop and think if I could handle siblings, but that's what I need to open my eyes! 
So many of you are in Stage 2...best of luck and congrats on those starting out. We'll get each other through this 

Xx


----------



## annairb

Hi all, is it OK to join you or am I too late? 

We had our panel today and we're approved. It now all seems to be getting very serious...but exciting.is anyone here in the same boat as me? We think we are going down foster to adopt

Thanks annairb x


----------



## poppy05

Hi annairb, of course you can join us, i think you are further on than the rest of us, so im sure you will be able to offer lots of advice to us beginners, hopefully others at the same stage as you will see you have joined us.
congratulations on being approved, that must be a wonderful feeling, i hope you dont have to wait too long for a match, we are hoping to go f2a route too. xx


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## butterfly15

Hi All,

Poshfi I read Sally Donovan's 'No Matter What' too and it was such an eye opener but I'm glad I read it.

WELL DONE and big Congratulations Annairb that's fantastic news!!!!  Keep us posted on the next steps!!

xxx


----------



## poppy05

Hi all


Just a quick one to say we had day 1 of our prep course today, it was really good, very draining, so much info to absorb, but we both enjoyed it, there is only 8 of us so it was a nice group and plenty of interaction, looking forward to going back tomorrow.
Darmum how did you get on honey? xx


----------



## Darmum

Hi poppy,
Sorry my in-laws came round with our gorgeous one-week-old niece in the evening so I couldn't reply yesterday but yes, we are enjoying our training very much, too!  

We've got 5 PA couples (so 10 of us in total) in ours and everyone is sooooo lovely and friendly! I can easily see every one of us being adoptive parents and I'm pretty sure it will happen to all sooner or later, when the right children for each couple come into adoption route! 
The course itself is pretty intense with lots of talks, exercises and questions, but we all are so engaged and helping each other to come up with many creative ideas.
We have different adopters each day to talk to us about their experiences and we are even sharing emotions together. Pretty much every one of our eyes were watering (some were properly sobbing) when one adopter was talking about them bursting into tears from an overwhelming emotion, as they were driving away from the foster carer's home after intro.   We all were sooooo happy for the LO and his daddies for their happy ending of their adoption journey and the begining of their journey as a family!

Whole course is very well planned and it's been a wonderful experience so far! 
Now we've got one day break tomorrow and got the third session on Saturday. Cannot wait to finish the last part of the course!  xxx


Annairb,
Welcome and congratulations on being approved!! Hope you get matched with your LO very soon!  xxx


----------



## poppy05

Hi darmum
im so glad you are enjoying it, for us today was extremely emotional, there was lots of tears today, but it was so nice for us to all share something so personal, and talk about it as a group, and i too think we will all become approved adopters, i really hope that we can stay in contact as i would love to hear everyones outcomes.
we have had the same adoptive parent the whole way, and he is lovely, for me and dw its been really nice to spend time with a same sex adoptive parent, and he has answered alot of questions for us.
this course has opened my eyes to things i may not have considered before, and has shown me a new prospective on parenting, so many things i would never of thought about before.
i am looking forward to our last day tomorrow, and moving onto the assessment part.
i have also expressed an interest in being an adoptive parent speaker!    the social worker said that i would be welcome to start off by speaking at information events! so who knows, maybe oneday i can be the one helping people in our positions get through the process   
enjoy your last day on sat hon xx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi All,

Darmum and Poppy I'm glad you are enjoying the prep courses, we found ours so interesting and helpful but very emotionally draining at the same time.

I have some not so good news, things at work haven't been great the past 9 or so months and have gone from bad to worse, in fact the company is struggling.  I have been offered a job with another company doing something similar to what I am doing now and more money!  My husband and I spoke about it last night and we both think we should defer the adoption for 6 months and take this new job.  I have been so unhappy there for a couple of years now but stayed where I was because of the IVF etc.  But things have got quite serious and I am very unhappy.  I feel this new job would be good for me and for our future!!!  My friends have said that 6 months will fly by and I know it will but I just feel like I am having to sacrifice the adoption for my job! HELP!


----------



## poppy05

Oh butterfly bless you,  
you can take a 6 month break between stages, and it just means that now isn't the time for your child to be with you, 6 months will fly by, you will be in a better place emotionally without the stress of work, and you will realise why you had to wait when you are sat cuddling your little person.
keep in touch with us if you do take the break, i want to follow your journey xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Awww Poppy your message made me cry thank you for your kind words I know its the right thing to do for our future and 6 months will sure fly by so just have to focus on that. I will let you know I am just waiting on my offer letter then I will contact the agency and let them know. Ill keep you posted and ill be keeping up with you all too xxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Butterfly,

It must be so hard to make that choice but I totally support your decision. You are so brave!  
You can wait for something you really want for a while in order to make a positive change means that you are not driven by desire but practical and objective view, so I'm sure that your assessors will take it positively. After taking this short break, you will be able to provide a better home and happier mum for a child and I'm sure that your LO-to-be will appreciate your brave decision later! 
I'll miss your positivity here so much though... please keep updating about your new job!
All the best in your career move and I'm looking forward to seeing you coming back here after the break! 
     Xxxxxxxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Poppy,

That's so brave of you to sign up as an adopter speaker and that's fantastic! All adopters spoke to us at events or over the phone or invited us to their home have been so generously sharing their stories and we couldn't have even reached the current stage without their advice and encouragement. I'm sure that you'll make a great speaker, too! 

The last day of our session was lovely, too!
It was a bit shame that they didn't mention about ethnicity, religion or sexuality of children much. It's kind of understandable as we were all heterosexual couples and I was the only ethnic minority in the room but apart from one male same sex couple speaker, there wasn't much diversity. Also all speakers were assessed by the LA and all their children were placed inhouse. Our LA is known to be predominantly white british and LAC are also mostly white British, so probably they've been self-sufficient that way, but I couldn't help worrying about getting a support to look for a child beyond the border. 
Also, our LA seems to have amazing post adoption support team including child psycologists etc, but it sounds like we can get their help only if we have their LAC. If that's the case, we would like a child from our LA, but I'm worried that we might go to the bottom of their list, as my ethnicity doesn't match with their children...
But ah well, that's just me being pessimistic because all other PAs seem to be so perfect... 

Have a lovely rest of weekend, ladies!  xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Thanks Darmum I'm going to speak to them tomorrow about deferring I'll let you all know what happens.

Your kind words mean so much to me thank you for your support.

Xxx


----------



## poppy05

Hi darmum
Did you ask about ethnicity? we had a diverse range of people on ours, obviously myself and dw, a west indian lady and her white german husband, and a church going (sorry didn't know how to word that, don't mean to sound horrible) couple, they didn't go into race, religion or sexuality, but they did say that you will sit with your social worker and discuss the type of child you would want to have.
I asked about support groups for same sex adoptive parents, and have been invited to join one.
I think if there is specific things you want to know then you have to ask.
Has your home study started yet? do you have a panel date? xx


Butterfly, more hugs honey    hope it goes well tomorrow when you speak to them xx


----------



## poppy05

Wow kandykane thats a big statement from yr dh, i am really sorry he has changed his mind, do you think he is just having a wobble? we have both had moments during stage 1 of thinking 'do we continue' i think for me it was a self preservation thing, i would rather bail than be refused, however i put my big girl pants on and stuck with it, and now we are a bit further on, im so glad we didn't quit.
I really do hope you can both come to a decision that you are both happy with, perhaps he just needs some more time?
I understand you leaving the thread, but i am here if you need a chat, you are welcome to private msg me if you need to.


Take care
poppy xx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Kandykane,

I'm sorry to hear that your husband has turned against adoption... 
As you have a birth child, adoption could bring a lot more complicated issues to your family and need to be considered carefully, so I totally respect your husband's decision of not going further. 
As your husband says, the assessment process is very intrusive, in order to ensure safe and secure environment for adoptees, so all members of your family; including your child will be grilled thoroughly. 

Also you may be lucky to find an adoptive child without any traumas or difficulties, but that's not always the case.
If you read Adoption UK forum, you can see many long-term adopters grieving about the adverse effect of adoption to their birth children.  

Of course, there are many people successfully made it as well, so your husband might change his mind later, when your birth child is a bit older but probably this was not right timing for you, as a family. 
I hope you get over the shock and will be able to digest his opinion fully soon.

Take care of yourself.   xxxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi poppy,

No, I didn't ask about ethnicity at the session, as everyone else in the room and all speaker's children are white British and I felt like it wouldn't be relevant or applicable to other couples or our LA's children...  
I cannot imagine if I can find any other ethnic minority adopters in our LA, probably I would only be able to find ethnic minority adopter's group in a neighboring big city or in London (if such thing exists). 

However, I do talk a lot about my ethnicity with my SW. So she knows what we are hoping for. We've had four of our Home Studies so far and we've got few more to go. We've got our panel date set, too. We haven't covered our "criteria" as Home Study topic yet, so we will have more opportunity to dig deeper into this.
Our LA seems to have access to Adoption Register and this region's Consortium but not Adoption Link, so that makes me a bit nervous as well. 

My husband found things more positive after the prep course, so maybe it's just me feeling a bit wobbly...
This is very strange as I'm normally totally fine with being "different" at work, at volunteer or with my hubby's family and never felt like being treated differently. And certainly I wasn't treated differently in this case, neither.

Hmm, I definitely need to talk about this with my SW this week's Home Study...    xxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi, me again! 
Sorry for too much self-reflection again and again...  

I don't know why I was wobbling so much after the prep sessions but I'm fine again now!
The biggest cure was children's smiles and cuddles at volunteering. We have children from many ethnicities at the volunteering place and I love them equally, dearly. I know that I am capable to love, no matter how the child looks like. 
I realised that I was the one self-descriminating myself from other adopters and that was so silly! We will be matched with whoever destined to us and we will know when we see him/her.

All my lovely kids at nursery are my healers! Especially when I earned a giggle of the most "difficult" one, and when the shy-est one came to ask for a cuddle from me, my heart melted and anxiety disappeared! 
I also had an opportunity to bottle-feed my friend's 4 months old baby at this lunch time and just cuddling and watching him wiggling and smiling lifted something off my shoulder, too.
What a magical power the children have! They are my confidence and my motivation!
I think I can do it!  

Have a lovely week, every one!   xxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Wow darmum its lovely to read your post, im so glad you have been able to use your experiences to enable you to accept what the future holds, as u said, when u see your child, u will "just know" this journey certainly does teach u alot of things and opens your mind to stuff you wouldn't of thought or considered before, well done lovely xx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi All,

I just wanted to let you know we have decided to defer for 6 months and I have accepted the new job.  It was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make but I know in the long run its the right thing for our future and our families future, and 6 months will fly by.

I want to thank you for your support over the past three months and I want to wish you all the very best of luck on your journey and I hope all your dreams come true of having the child you all deserve!  I will keep up to date with you all.

We are off to Prague tomorrow for our first wedding anniversary and it has come at the right time.  

Lots of love and luck
Butterfly xxxxxx


----------



## poppy05

im proud of u butterfly, that was a very brave decision, well done honey    have a lovely time in prague, and very best of luck with the new job, we will be here to support u in 6 months time, keep in touch sweetie xxxxx


----------



## bulmer

KandyKane, I'm not sure if you're still looking in but hope you are as I have no idea how to send "pm's".  I adopted two LO's nearly three years ago and my my DH was reluctant at first, he is a very quiet shy man. The home study was nowhere as intrusive as we were led to believe.  It was over and done after a few sessions and only one of them was him alone (I'm a chatterbox and took the lead through the rest as this is how we are in real life so SW got to see how we work as a couple) Is it worth him speaking to another man who has been through this to get a different perspective?  If I can help I'm happy to x


----------



## poppy05

bulmer if you click on a persons name it will take you to their profile, on the left hand side you will see the option to 'send private message' click there hun xx


----------



## bulmer

Thankyou, I'm not very good with computers and am relying on LO's teaching me when they get older !!!


----------



## Darmum

Thank you poppy, I'm so lucky to have met those amazing kids in my life! They are my angels, they've opened my eyes wider and they'll guide me through!  Xxxxxx

Butterfly,
Well done for making such a big decision! You are such a positive and strong lady who has your life fully in control! 
I'm sure that you will swim through the stage 2 with full confidence, without any regret after the break! 
Enjoy the holiday and all the best to your new career path!   
I'll be waiting for your return here! Xxxxx


----------



## Poshfi

Butterfly, well done on your decision, it must've been so hard to do that. But the child will be with you forever. 

We did our stage 1 training yesterday and have our next workshop in a weeks time and that's it for stage 1. (Except for workbook 2) Also waiting on oh's dbs...hopefully it won't delay us too much. I got mine within a week! 
So far the LA seem to be pretty efficient. 
Just want to get going into stage 2!


----------



## poppy05

Hi all


Just a quick me post
I wanted to let you know i am now an auntie to twin boys!!   
Max & Alfie arrived yesterday afternoon by planned c sec, i am so in love with them, they are teeny tiny bundles of gorgeousness!
we went up for cuddles lastnight and i could hardly see them through the tears! they were ivf babies, so i know all too well what they went through to get these two, so emotional, such a happy time, and its so lovely to have twin nephews to spoil, and fingers and toes crossed we can give them a little cousin to play with in a few months   


Im off away this weekend to continue my 40th birthday celebrations, so i better go and pack! look out Brighton we are coming for ya!!!   


Happy weekend everyone, catch up next week xx


----------



## Darmum

Hi Poppy,

Congratulations on arrival of your little nephews! I'm so happy for you and your family!  
It's so strange (in very nice way!) that you and I have so much in common, as we are same age (am only few weeks older than you!), had S2 trainings on the same week and just have had niece and nephews arrivals!  
What I felt at my big birthday this year was, I felt much more positive this year than last year. As we were still doing treatment, what I felt last year's birthday was loud noise of clock ticking and I couldn't enjoy my birthday much. Also it would've been so difficult to enjoy my gorgeous niece's arrival just before "the deadline"! I'm now actually feeling very grateful to the doctor, who told us to give up treatment, although I thought he was cruel then. Adoption path is making me so positive and strong! Hope you are feeling similar, too!

Many, many happy returns! It'll be a very special and busy year for us!   Xxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Hi Darmum, yes i totally feel the same, i feel this was the path i was destined for all along, and could almost kick myself for not choosing this sooner! i am so ready for this, the stage 2 prep really has helped me with alot of the negative stuff i was feeling, and i am learning so much about myself, funny how our lives are so similar.   


poshfi glad you are moving along nicely, good luck with your workshop this week, hopefully it wont be too long until you move on to stage 2   


AFM, I got an email today, we have been allocated our social worker, just waiting now for a phonecall to get our assessment appointments booked in, we have the same social worker as our friends had, and i have actually met her, she came to my house to do my reference interview, she seemed very nice, and our friends thought she was wonderful, i cant wait to start this last bit, i know theres still a long way to go, but i feel like this is at least the last leg to get to panel.


----------



## Neniel

Hello,

Sorry I've been quite, I've been away for 3 weeks. Hubby and I and my in-laws have been on a road trip in the US. I meant to come on here while I was away, but most of the time the wifi was so bad, that it took forerver to load any page...

I am back and I've received a call yesterday from the adoption team at the council we've contacted to book an appointment for the first home visit. I am axcited and a bit nervous, as I am not sure what to expect. Any advice would be appreciated.


Butterfly - I'm sorry to hear the situation with your job isn't great. If you're really unhappy I think it was the right decision changing jobs. And 6 months won't be long as long as you know you can move forward in your adoption journey then. I wish you all the patience you need and the best of luck.

annairb  - welcome and congratulations on being approved! I hope you don't have to wait for your LO for too long.

Darmum - congratulations on becoming an auntie  I am glad you are feeling better after you wobble after the course.

poppy - congratulations on becoming an auntie 


I hope you're all having a good day


----------



## Neniel

Just wanted to say hi quickly. I hope you've all had a good weekend.


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies!
Sorry again for keeping quiet. I had a lovely bank holiday weekend having my father and his friend couple from my home country. It was very busy taking them around for sightseeing, tidying up and cooking etc, but it was so much fun! 
Now our happily retired elderly visitors have gone to next destination for more sightseeing and playing golf... I'm jealous!!
Hope all of you had a lovely bank holiday weekend/ half term week! 

Neniel,
Sorry for slow reply! Sounds like you had a lovely holiday you had in US! I'd love to go back to Florida for lots of theme parks!  

Have you had your first home visit? You really don't need much preparation for it apart from tidying up. Just being honest and show what your home's atmosphere is like, where the child room would be etc. At the first visit, our nursery-to-be was still completely empty with lots of wall filler patches and bare floor board. 
Our SW only have some water or cup of tea and doesn't touch biscuits, so now we don't even prepare any biscuits for home study visits.
Hope it goes well if you haven't had one, or it went well, if you already had!

All the best!   xxxx


----------



## Neniel

I hope everbody has had a good weekend. 

Darmum,
The holiday was fantastic, the best one I've had so far

This is our first home visit and I am soooo nervous. I've decided to bake a cake. I will do that tonight and hope it'll calm my nerves a bit...I like baking and if the SW don't want it I am sure my colleagues will be happy on Wednesday. We've tidied the house at the weekend and still need to cut the grass tonight. Otherwise I just hope it goes well.


I mentioned before that my sister is pregnant and now everything my family speak about when I call them is her pregnancy and baby this and baby that... it's fine...but today my grandmother, whom I am close to, said something that worried me a bit... I have an older half-sister, who has a 10 year old son. She has a different dad than me and my other siblings do and as my grandmother is my father's mother, she isn't my older sister's grandmother either. Anyway, my grandmother said that although she would never make a difference and of cause my older sister and her son can come it is different now that my younger sister will have a child, as it will be her first proper great-grandchild and my dad's first proper grandchild, after all blood is thicker than water... that shocked and worried me... This would ultimately mean that they will feel different about our adopted child (should we be able to adopt)... Not sure what to make out of that... I don't think it was meant in any way malicious, and nobody in my family has ever made a difference between my younger sibling and me and my older half-sister. For a long time in my life I didn't even know or suspect that she was only my half-sister. Maybe it is only the lack of experience with adoption and a comment she didn't think about. Also my grandmother is from a generation where adoption would probably not have been considered...

A bit confudes and really nervous. Hope you are all ok.


----------



## Darmum

Hi Neniel,

It's a lovely idea to bake a cake for your SW, I'm sure that he/she will like your homely hobby! You'll be fine, our assessing SWs are on our side and they want us to get approved!  

I am so sorry to hear about your granny's comment...  That's very mean, old lady!! Does she know that you are applying for adoption? If she said such a discriminating thing with knowing about your intention, I'll go and tell her off for you!  
However, probably that's her generation's honest reaction, so you cannot blame her 100% though... She is being judgmental about the blood connection based on old customs. She has to learn and adapt to the modern family structures and this is her opportunity to learn, so don't be scared but educate her!!
Your granny lives in 21st Century and she has to know how our society works now. Every family is different and that is normal. There are many children who had difficult starts of life and there are many more adults wishing to adopt those children and make a happy family together. Blood connection is becoming less important and what we experience together as a family is the most important. 

You are adopting child for yourself and the child, not for your extended family, so be confident, announce your intention to your extended family out loud and give them lectures. 
We announced our intention to my family when we went back to my home country during the S1. It was received very well and we got so many warm comments from uncles, aunties and cousins. My grandmother (sadly passed away before we started considering adoption) was adopted from distant family when she was a child and she had very low self-esteem because of the negative image adoption had in my home country then (still is!). I want to go on a time-machine to tell her that we are so proud and happy with our decision and our great grandparents must have felt the same when they adopted her, too.

As prospective adopters, we have to change the world for the child to make it work! It will work, so be strong and let's fight against the negative attitude towards adoption!   

Xxxx


----------



## Neniel

Ok, this is it for me...we got a no on our first home visit. I am disappointed and not sure what will come now... they said we could come back in a couple of years, but I can't keep doing this... I can't keep up hoping to then find it doesn't work... So this is the end. I won't be trying again.

Thank you all so much for your support. You are fabulous. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you all will find your little ones soon.


----------



## Darmum

Hi Neniel,

I'm so sorry to hear about the LA's decision...   You must have been shocked... 
Take care of yourself and take plenty of time to digest what happened and to calm yourself down.

However, I think it's too early for you to give up yet! What you need to do is just sort out all concerns the SW pointed out (if he/she didn't tell you what it was, ask for feed back and finding it out!) and come back in a couple of years! Is it finance? Weight? Emotional strength? Housing situation? Citizenship situation? Childcare experience? You can improve/ change most of these if you keep focused for next 2 years!

I hope you find out the reasons from them, take the criticism sincerely and find out what you need to do. For realizing a big dream, you are sometimes required to go through thorny paths, but all these little wounds make you stronger when healed. Hope you become stronger from these rejections and come back confidently in few years time.

I wish you all the best in your future, whichever the path you choose to go.
Take care of yourself and your husband!   
Xxxxx


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## poppy05

Evening all


Nenial i am so very sorry to read your post tonight, it seems very harsh they have given you an outright no, and two years seems such a long time to wait, i totally understand you feeling like you cant continue, however if the reasons for a no are acceptable reasons and you can put things in place to make some changes then perhaps you wont need to wait two years? dont give up on yourselves without considering options    thinking of you both.


darmum it sounds as though you had a fab bank holiday, hope the home study is going well? do you have a panel date? sorry if you have already said, i cant remember   


Its been so quiet on here, i hope anyone still reading is doing ok? 
afm, we have our first social worker visit next mon, she said we will be putting our assessment plan together, and going over anything raised in stage 1 so we can move forward, and also we will be given a provisional panel date!!    i am excited to get started with this part, im not a very patient person (with waiting times) so im chomping at the bit to get going!
we have another course in a couple of weeks too, this one is for early permanence, (fta) we were also told that if we do fta we would need to do a first aid course! i am so glad we planned ahead and have already done it, so anyone else considering this path, i would get booked onto one, we did ours through the british red cross, st johns do them too. xx


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## Darmum

Hi poppy,

Our Home Study is going well, thank you! Just soooo many documents to write before each session, so we both have been buried into our laptops almost every evening after dinner...   Only 2-3 more sessions to go! 
Now SW has started contacting referees for interviews and started getting ready for PAR writing. 

Our panel date is now pushed back a bit from the provisional date given at the beginning of S2, so now it'll be in early August. It's only changed due to panel member's holiday arrangement, so we are not so worried about the delay. We are more worried about linking and matching though...  

Hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful hot weather last few days!
Best wishes,
 Xxxxx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Neniel I didn't want to read and run and agree that it is too soon to give up. 
What reasons did they give you? 
It may be just a case that they have too many adopters at present. 

We have been through this as you can see from my signature, the LA would not support our application and we decided to take a 6 month break and work on their concerns but after the six months the LA came out for a visit but would not take us back on to Stage 1. 
We applied to a VA instead and right from the initial interview we had such a good feeling about them. Ok so we were unlucky and got an independent SW who was on her own agenda but after complaining we got a new SW and have not looked back. 
If they have given you the reasons for turning you down then I would see if you can correct these and perhaps try again with a different agency? Anyway Good Luck..! 

We are now trying to find a match and this is the hardest part of the process as we are so close but the rejections are hard, but we firmly believe in fate and the right little one or ones are out there waiting for us. 

Ali x


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## Neniel

Thank you Darmum, poppy and alig for your kind words...You're right it is too early to give up.

They told us the reasons. They said they think our relationship isn't stable enough (we've been together for 16 years, have moved to another country together and lived together for 14 years). Admittedly we did have a few problems about 4 years ago, but doesn't every couple? Anyway, that was one point. They also said we have to reduce our debts, which we are doing, but they don't really impact our lives or the amount of money we have left every months. Then they said we need to get more friends, because they wanted us to name everyone that would be part of our support network, but afterwards I noticed I forgot at least of of the people. I was so nervous and felt a bit like they were putting me on the spot with this question, as I didn't expect to have to answer this in the first home visit. It's not like we didn't think about it, we did, but I wasn't prepared and so nervous. And also they said we need to lose weight (which funnily enough I already mentioned to them when I made the first inquiry over the phone)
Otherwise they said we have a lot to offer that would make us great adopters, experience with trauma, we've overcome a lot as a couple, we have the space and live in a very child friendly area, we have jobs that allow us to be reasonably flexible, we wouldn't lose one income for the year of adoption leave, as DH could take a year off at 100% of his salary and has the option to take a second year off (unpaid), we come from another European country, which means me know and understand how important it is to know ones roots and maintain some sort of link.

Yesterday I was so shocked and frustrated about the fact that they told us to wait 2 years (before I've only ever heard of people being deferred for 6 to 12 months...but 2 years?) that my first impulse was to say that's it and move on. I couldn't sleep last night and had a lot of time to think and I really think we do have a lot to offer. So I've decided that we will take time out until next year and work on the things they've highlighted. We will also try and enjoy our time as a couple and do things that we probably wouldn't be able to do with a younger child... Then next year we regroup and try again. 

If we go to a different agency next year, do we have to tell them that we were told by this LA to wait for 2 years and why?


----------



## poppy05

nenial i am so pleased to read that you are not giving up   
i think they are being terribly harsh on you both, friends of ours have just been approved and they broke up for 5 years!! theres a chance any couple could split, and im sure there are plenty of adoptive parents who have divorced!! and you are both very much together and have been for years!
They were really tough on us about finances, we dont have debt, but we didnt have any savings, and after rewriting our finance breakdown, they seemed satisfied with that, and in 3 months we have saved 4 grand!!! 
and we are both overweight, and i think as long as we show we are doing something about it they will be ok.
If i was you i would perhaps address the weight issue and join slimming world/weight watchers, re evaluate your finances, see where you can make cut backs etc, and look at joining some kind of club to meet new people? 
If you show them you have made changes and you are determined, i am confident they wont refuse you next time, dont let the first knock back stop you, make it give you determination, give it 6 months and contact them again, tell them whats changed, and tell them you wont give up until you are given a fair go, contact other va/las's.
you can do this hunni, we are here to support you


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## Neniel

Hi Poppy. We are already started doing something before we applied to change these things. I am going to the gym 3 times a week,  once a week working with a personal trainer and he has also put together a meal plan for us.  I've lost a stone already,  as has my DH. We are paying back each month as much as we can of our debts and also put a little bit away for savings. You're right,  we may need to join a club or something to get to know people locally.  

I think what has really thrown me is that they said 2 years... That seems an awfully long time. I think we will do all these things and then at the beginning of next year try again with a different LA/VA,  telling them what we were told to work on and what we've done since.  

It felt like they were telling us we're not good enough to be parents... That really hurt...  I am so glad I have you ladies to talk to, even though I am not joining you on this journey yet.


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## Darmum

Hi Neniel,

That's a great effort you are making already and I'm sure that you can shorten the waiting time with making bigger improvement in shorter time! Keep up with your great work!

I don't think they are telling you that you are not enough to be parents, but I think their main concern could be references and support network. At the first VA we contacted, we were asked to provide referees who know us for over 10 years, and they said that they would contact my parents via skype too. Also, I have been asked for a reference from some UK national professionals who know me for at least 5 years, for doing a work placement at a prestigious library, so it is a standard practice in this country to check people's character/ credibility with someone who know them well for a long time. 
My current LA also asked us to provide references from someone know both of us well for a long time (they didn't specify how long) but have to be locally contacted, so I couldn't put my best friends' names from school or university. At the end we put some good local friends who know us for a long time but not the best friends, and some newer friends at work (still being friends for over 7 years). 
There are some twisted people who want child for wrong reasons, so your LA just need to prove that you are not one of them, but they might have thought that you have not enough people around you to prove it at the moment. So don't take it too personally, it's just a standard requirement.

I can tell that you are very focussed and determined, and still very young, so you will make an excellent mum when the time is right for you.
All the best in achieving your dream!  Xxx


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## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Hope you had a lovely weekend!
I recently found a very good tv series which BBC made in 90s and wanted to share.
The title is "Love is not enough". It's really moving series and made me think a lot about adoption. 
After I finished watching whole series, my eyes were totally puffed up from so many tears!  
http://vimeo.com/album/2529993
Sorry if you've already known about it, but I wanted every person thinking about adoption to watch this programme!!!

Have a lovely week! 

Xxxxx 

/links


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## poppy05

Hi all


Thanks for sharing that with us darmum, i will have to try and watch it at some point   


Just a quick one from me, wanted to just update you, we had our first visit from our social worker yesterday, and we will be starting the home study assessment on 25th july, she said she is quite busy at mo and has holiday booked and didnt want to start us then keep us hanging about, so we have 6 weeks to wait now, we dont mind as we can get on and do as we please now for a bit.
Our panel date will be end of oct/beginning of nov   
We will be sent some homework to be getting on with while we wait, and we have a couple more courses to attend too, so the next 6 weeks should fly by as we have enough to keep us going.


Hope you are all ok? 


poppy xx


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## jend0906

Hi all,

Hoping I can join you here. I am 37 and after a long long journey of 10 ivf cycles and 6 early miscarriages, I am now pursuing adoption as a single adopter.

I have just completed (today) the final day of prep training and my SW visits start tomorrow.

I haven't had a chance to read back through the thread yet but I will do.

Any advice or tips for someone at the start of the journey?

I look forward to getting to know you all


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## Darmum

Hi Poppy,
Glad to hear that you got a SW now! Although it must be a bit disappointing to hear that you have to wait for 6 weeks before starting home study visits, it means that you have more time to make more positive changes, so it'll be good! Saved £4000 in 3months is a great result by the way! Amazing!!  
Also, it'll be a good thing that you've got time to fill in your homework well before the visits too, as we had to fill them in every week before each session and it was a hard work! 
I'm reading and watching more about parenting a disabled child (physically, mentally or emotionally) and thinking about what sorts and levels of disabilities we might be able to cope with. You will be asked quite a lot of details about it later in the process, so I recommend you to start looking into it, too. 
Hope you enjoy preparation for the home studies!   xxxx

Welcome Jend!
From your profile, you seem to have gone through quite a lot through treatments... 
But adoption will definitely make you feel very positive, and also all those tough experience which you came through will be valued a lot, so I hope you enjoy the journey and meet your own little one soon!
Please keep us updated with your progress and share good books, videos and parenting tips etc here!
All the best in your new adventure!  

Xxxxx


----------



## Poshfi

Hi
We've completed our stage 1 workbooks and waiting on oh's dbs. The LA processed them early April, I got mine within 2 weeks, but we're still waiting for his. They've said there's no issues flagged. 
I had another one done last week to volunteer in the school and it took 3 days!

Has anyone else been delayed waiting for dbs? Or how long do they normally take? We can't start SW home visits until stage 2 and I just want to get going!

X


----------



## jend0906

Thank you Darmum. Yes I have a very rough journey but I'm in a good place now.

SW visit went well today, I was lucky enough that she was one of the team running the prep days so already knew her. I'm going on holiday on Monday for 3 weeks then will pick up the visits. 

Aiming for panel in October!!!


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## ClaireDa

Hi all, sorry I dropped off for a while, busy times hey.... hoping for panel end of the year.


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## Darmum

Hi Poshfi,
Well done for completing S1 work books! It's a bit worrying about your hubby's DBS, but it could only be delayed due to a big queue etc, so hopefully coming back soon!
Mine took 1wk for volunteering, then 2 wks for adoption, but my hubby's took about 5-6 wks. There are lots of young people started work placement at my volunteering place for their NVQs recently, so it might be a busy time of the year for the whole system. So don't worry too much and enjoy volunteering!  

Hi Jend,
Glad to hear that your SW visit went well! Enjoy the holiday, we had a long holiday (went back to my home country to get criminal record clearance, passport renewal etc) at the beginning of stage 1 and missed a couple of group sessions but everything has been going well afterwards so it was definitely worth taking that time before getting into the process too deeply. Enjoy your holiday and adoption journey!  

Hi Claire,
Being busy is a good sign! Hope all going well? I hope you get your panel date soon!  


We finished all S2 Home Visits this week and now time to wait for our SW to finish off our PAR. She said that she is happy to recommend us, so hopefully we get approved at the panel in early August!  
I should start thinking when to finish my volunteering, but I love doing it and I love the children, so really don't want to leave. Just imagining about the last day at nursery makes my eyes water...  I want to continue until at least the oldest kids move onto school.
I might ask them to keep me until linking or matching is coming up!

Hope everyone's process goes well and many children find lovely home soon!  Xxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Hi poshfi
well done on completing stage 1, i think dbs checks take around 5-6 weeks or longer, ours only took 5 days because of dw's job, she had not long had hers updated through work and they also check me out too, so we were quite lucky in that respect, i hope you dont have to wait too long before you can move on   


jend, glad your visit went well, we are pretty much at the same stage, we have a 6 week delay now, but still hoping for an oct panel   


darmum, wow your stage 2 seems to have flown by, well done hun, i know you will get a big fat yes at panel    ahh it must be quite sad the thought of leaving the children you have been caring for over the months, i am sure they will allow you to continue until you are matched   


Hey claire, nice to see you posting again, has your home study begun yet?   


AFM, no news here, things will be pretty quiet now until next month, so just going to get on and enjoy life for a bit, we have a few nice things coming up, we are off to see elton john next weekend, well at least i hope we are, the tickets havent come yet!!    
I think our nephews are going to be christened very soon, we havent been given a date yet, however i think it will be around my brother and sister in laws wedding anniversary which is next month, so obviously i need to go and buy a fabulous new outfit for the occassion!!   
Its our anniversary in aug, and i have no idea what to plan? any ideas? we are both off work for the week so i really would like to do something nice, but dont want to go away.


Friday tomorrow!! hope you all have a lovely weekend
poppy xx


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## ClaireDa

Not yet poppy, thanks for positive words, thanks darmum too,
We have lots to read courses to attend volunteering etc to do
I wonder how long after approval that being matched can happen?


----------



## Darmum

Thank you poppy,
Yes, it was very quick to go through the S2!  We had so many forms to fill in and so many questions to answer so I felt dizzy and probably became indecisive and  inconsistent towards the end!  
I'll send an email to my volunteer manager this weekend to see how long notice I need before I leave...  

Claire,
I think we could be matched anytime between few hours to a couple of years after approval, as we are open to F2A as well. 
Volunteering is definitely the best bit, so enjoy the every moment spending with children!  

Have a lovely weekend, everyone!   Xxxxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi all,

Just a quick update - we've just booked ourselves into the First Aid for Baby and Child course in July, whilst we are waiting for the panel. My OH hasn't got much childcare experience and hasn't got time to do volunteering etc, so hopefully taking this course shows our dedication...

Hope everyone is doing well!   Xxxxx


----------



## jend0906

Anyone here with experience of foster to adopt? I'm trying to make the decision if that is the right way to go or just straight adoption.
Can anyone give any insights?


----------



## Darmum

Hi Jend,

We are hoping to get approved for both normal adoption and FtA (our council don't do concurrency), but still not even approved yet and cannot say much as my own experience... 

However, Pinklady and Happy Penguin in this forum told me about their experience of concurrency and gave me excellent advice through PM, so find them and ask for their wisdom. They went through so much, are so strong and are truly amazing people.

Hope you had a lovely holiday!


----------



## Poshfi

Hi all
It's been a bit quiet here, maybe we're all immersed in this process!
We're finally starting our stage 2. Partners dbs is still waiting (13 weeks!) but they'll informally progress us. First home visit is this Friday morning...quick as only found out today! SW sounds really nice and chatty

Hope everyone else is moving along! I'm volunteering at a preschool and love it...could take all the kids home, they are gorgeous!!


----------



## happypenguin

Hello all, 
Glad I popped in to check how you were all doing. I see there is some FfA interest so if anyone has any questions, please ask!
I became a mum via Concurrency (similar to FfA) so might be able to help. I know the differences between the schemes 

Good luck to you all x


----------



## Darmum

Hi Poshfi,
Glad to hear that you've started S2! 13 weeks of DBS wait is extremey long though...   Hope you receive it soon!  

Hi happypenguin,
Thank you for popping round again! Hope you didn't mind that I mentioned about you, as your PM helped me a lot to understand about Concurrency and FfA. I'm so grateful that our forerunners like you and the pink lady are willing to help us here at the forum!    

We've received the first draft of our PAR this week and it looks lovely! Our SW seems to be very good at writing, so not much to change apart from tiny little details. We'll send it back to her shortly and it should be completed by our panel in early August!

Meanwhile, I am still enjoying volunteering, as well as socializing with my new "mum friends" who I met through volunteering. I've become very good friends to some of them and they let me bottle feeding and changing nappy etc of their babies! 
We've got First Aid course and "Difficult Behaviour" workshop through volunteering lined up for next few months, lots more of reading and still looooooots to learn. Also, as my OH will be running a half marathon in few months time, we are preparing to fundraise for the local children's charity where I volunteer, too. 
There are waits here and there during the process but I've kept myself busy and definitely enjoying it very much!
I hope everyone else is doing well! 

 Xxxxx


----------



## KateC100

Hi Everyone,

I've been reading for a while and am now ready to say hello!  Me and my husband have just started stage 2 and are generally finding the process positive and exciting.
We had our first SW visit last week and it was mostly ok - she felt the house was pretty much ready and was happy with our paper work so farand couldn't forsee any issues.
She did say that she would want to observe us with children in our home at some stage which was slightly different to what we had been told previously.  We had been led to believe I would be observed at work (I'm a primary school teacher), and OH would he observed doing his coaching.  She seemed to take it for granted that we would easily find two children (has to be two as we are interested in siblings) who we could borrow and have round for a couple of  hours.  This isn't really the case as our friends either don't have children, have very young children who couldn't really be left in an unfamiliar house or have children but live a distance away.... 

Does everyone have to do this or has anyone had an alternative scenario?  

We have our individual SW visits next, OH has his next week.  I'm dreading it!  

Xx


----------



## poppy05

Hi kate, welcome to the group   
I've never heard of them wanting to observe people with children in their homes? we haven't been told this, im surprised seeing as you are a teacher and have plenty of experience of childcare! i guess each LA has different ways of doing things.
Our home assessment starts tomorrow! it is my one 2 one with our social worker and dw has hers next week, im soooooo excited to be moving forward now, and really hoping we get our provisional panel date tomorrow.
Good luck with your visits. 


I haven't posted in here for ages, I feel like we have had such a big stop gap since stage 2 prep and home assessment starting, but we have been on a couple more workshops - early permanence and theraplay, we thouroughly enjoyed the theraplay, and will definately be using some of the things we were shown.
We have been spending loads of time with our twin nephews who are now 9 weeks old, i gave them their baths this morning which was so much fun! and we have been doing feeding and nappy changes amongst oodles of cuddling! 
I've been with my bestfriends all afternoon, they are going to matching panel next month, so we did their intro's dvd today, it took quite a few takes before we nailed it, and we did wonder if every couple doing these laughed as much as we did doing it! it was so much fun, and im so glad they asked me to be camera woman! 


How is everyone else doing? hope your all getting on well, is anyone nearing panel? darmum your next month aren't you? 


poppy xx


----------



## DRocks

Hi ladies hope your all doing well.
Been a whirlwind week her and with fingers tightly crossed out FTA baby moves in with us in two weeks.


----------



## poppy05

Thats brilliant news disneyrocks, congratulations, keep us updated   
How old is LO? we are hoping to do F2A too. xx


----------



## DRocks

She will be three weeks old then.
We almost got her last week but quite thankful of the time to get ready.


----------



## poppy05

Oh wow thats amazing, how exciting for you both xx


----------



## Poshfi

Congrats DRocks! I'm sure you can't wait for your life to turn upside down! 

Kate...I think we know each other from stage 1 training?! We were told the same thing by our SW, she wants to see us interact with children. I'm volunteering at the holiday club at the school so she's coming to watch me, but as for M, think we'll have to wait until his dbs comes in before she can watch him! 
Can you borrow some kids from school? 

Xx


----------



## poppy05

Evening all
We have our panel date!!!!!    10th nov! so excited, i cant believe we are on the final stretch.


Sorry for the me post, hope you're all ok? any news?


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Sorry for being quiet but we are doing fine thank you! Our panel is next week and now we're doing more reading and baby sitting to my friend's baby and our niece as last minute preparations. 
Also we finally got registered on Linkmaker so reading many profiles. Actually reading children's profiles is the most daunting thing than any other trainings or research… Hope we are good enough for some of these children! 

Welcome Kate! I hope you are enjoying your stage 2! 
I'm doing volunteering at nursery and SW knew about it from the beginning but no, we've never asked to show them how I actually interact with children. If she did, it would've made me so nervous! Good luck for it!  

Wow DRocks, AMAZING news!!! Huge congratulations!!!  Please let us know how your new life with your LO goes!!! 

Congratulations Poppy!!!  Awwww, it's amazing news that you got the panel date!!! You've been making so much effort to overcome SW's initial concerns and now they are happy to recommend you at the panel! I'm sure that you two make wonderul resillient mums!!!  

I'm so happy to hear that things are moving forward to you ladies!! Hopefully I can post lovely news soon, too!!!


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Just to let you know that we've got a big YES at the panel! Formal decision by LA's senior manager will be delivered to us later. 
Thank you very much for your encouragement throughout the assessment process! 
The panel was a lot less scary than I was imagining and everyone was very friendly and smiley! 

All the best to your rest of the process!  

Best wishes,


----------



## Thepinklady

Congrats darmum! I really hope you don't have a long wait for match. Can't wait to read your next leg of the journey.


----------



## poppy05

Oh darmum im so happy for you, congratulations lovely, really hope you don't have to wait too long for a match, please keep us updated   


Who is up next for panel? xxx


----------



## Darmum

Pinklady - Thank you very much! Learning from your real story which you kindly shared with me through PM impressed the panel very much and they recommended us for F2A as well as normal adoption. Your story opened my eyes with emotional but very positive outcome of concurrency and provided deep understanding of early permanency scheme. I cannot thank you enough for your kindness although I'm a total stranger!  I hope to "pay it forward" your generosity and would like to help other adopters with my story in the future.  

Poppy - Thank you so much! Your turn is very soon!! 
I had a good, long nap as soon as I got home from panel, as I hadn't been sleeping very well for few nights... I didn't realise how nervous I was until it finished!   Honestly panel itself was not too bad at all though!
I hope your Home Study is going well and everything go smoothly as scheduled!  

Have a lovely rest of week, everyone!   xxx


----------



## Thepinklady

Thanks farming, lovely to hear what I shared was of use. My dh and I continue to promote concurrency whenever we can and are always willing to share our experiences with anyone. I am sure you will be a great source of encouragement to others going forward due to your kind and positive attitude you display on here. Relax now for a while and enjoy a quiet life while you can!


----------



## jend0906

Hi all, it's been a while but I finally have time to catch up.

Darmum - huge congrats on the YES! You must be so excited. Hope you're not waiting too long for a match.

Poppy - great news on your panel date. It's good to have a date in mind to aim for.

DRocks - how exciting, amazing news. Please keep us updated on how things are going.

AFM - I've got one more home visit on Tuesday and then SW will write the report for panel. We were hoping to get in for panel in September but that all depends on my dbs coming back in time which I'm not confident about! Apparently it's taking the metropolitan police up to 18 weeks to return them!!
I'm feeling pretty impatient about it all and just want to get a confirmed panel date to look forward to.


----------



## Darmum

Hi Pinklady - Thank you very much! Yes, we should enjoy "just two of us" time whilst we can, so we started off with a couple of cinema evenings to see Star Trek and Bourne films!   We should book a holiday, too!  

jend - Thank you very much! It's exciting but scary at the same time... very weird feeling!  
Glad to hear that your assessment process is going well and your PAR will be out there soon! As it's a looooong document, it will take a long time for your SW to write up so I recommend to plan a nice short trip or something whilst you wait for the first draft. I hope you get the panel date soon!   

Xxxx


----------



## happypenguin

Huge and heartfelt congratulations to you Darmum. Now the wonderful part can begin x


----------



## Darmum

Thank you very much, happypenguin! Your PM really helped me understanding concurrency and F2A! I really appreciate your kindness!  

Now I'm keep asking my DH if we should show interests to some profiles on Link Maker, although we haven't even received the formal approval letter yet and he is keep telling me off...  He thinks that there might be some children whom our LA already found for us, but hmm... I cannot be so optimistic and cannot stop thinking about those profiles!!!  
I have no idea how much proactive we should be at this stage and it's so hard to just wait...  
Well, I've still got volunteering, so children's smiles will help me being less desperate! 

Hope everyone enjoyed the lovely sunny Monday!
 xxx


----------



## Darmum

Got a phone call today and we are now officially approved! 
We've received some profiles of LOs in our LA and are going to have a meeting with our SW next week to talk about family finding.

Thank you ever so much for all your support and encouragement, we couldn't have come this far without this forum!  
   Xxxxxxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Darmum congratulations, you are going to be a mummy!!!   am so happy for you, good luck with finding your forever family, keep us updated on this next leg of your journey. xx


jend0906, did you get a panel date? xx


Hi everyone else, hope you are all ok? 


AFM, so we have had our panel date bought forward! its now booked in for 1st nov, however we saw our social worker lastnight and she has said she wants to try and get us to an even earlier panel!! 
Starting to feel nervous/excited, it feels as thought there may be something in the pipeline for us, but dont want to build our hopes up, trying to remain grounded and just ride the waves.


We have had some happy news this week, we have both been asked to be our twin nephews godmothers!    we have got one each   , feel truely honoured, we also babysat them today, only for a little bit while my sister in law went shopping, but we are the first people they have been left with, so again we feel so honoured, they are so precious, and we love them to pieces.


Love to you all 
poppy xx


----------



## Darmum

Thank you poppy!! 
Great to hear that your process is now accellerated! Wonderful news!!!   
Amazing news about becoming godmothers to your twin nephews, too! It was a challenge to know that our SIL became pregnant with our now 3.5 months old niece whilst we were still grieving for our infertility, but the gorgeous little girl has been really helping us with our childcare experience to get approved for 0-2 yo!
I'm going to babysit my niece this weekend, too! I loooove her to bits!!!  
Let's make the most of our aunty roles now and prepare for our own LO's arrival!  

I'm sure that things will be accellerated for everyone else after summer holiday, too!
I'm looking forward to hear more happy news!  
Xxxxxx


----------



## jend0906

Poppy and Darmum I too am the proud auntie of my 2 year old niece. I was present at her birth (this was extremely difficult after my history of IVF and miscarriages but my wanting to be there to support my sister was no question) and that created an immediate bond that is just incredible! She has helped to heal my heart a lot and I just love her so much.

Poppy - great news that you now have a panel date and things are moving forward.

Darmum - lovely that you have had some profiles to look at, so exciting!

Afm - well I was worried that my dbs would hold everything up but I've checked on it and it's at the last stage. So my SW is currently writing my PAR and we are working towards a panel date of 29th September!!!


----------



## Darmum

jend - Aww, you've got a provisional panel date now! Congratulations! 
It's really surprising to hear that your DBS is taking soooooo long time. Ours were required at the beginning of S1 and we couldn't have moved onto S2 without it, so if the same delay happened to us, I would've gone mad with frustration! I really hope it comes back before 29th September!   

My husband and I had a bit of argument in weekend about child search - me being over-enthusiastic and him being too laid-back, but we then talked, agreed at the middle points and all fine now!  
We've hardly ever had proper argument rather than becoming grumpy, walk away and then talking after both calming down, but this time it was very close to a proper argument... Child searching is very emotional process, so keeping cool head is really hard!  

Hope you enjoyed the lovely sunshine today!  
Best wishes, xxxxx


----------



## winnie78

Can I rejoin you all?  

We've been working through through the home study and SW has booked us in for panel on 22 September! She's met 3 out of 4 references plus my mum and us writing or report next week before her senior meets the children and I.  DH is meeting her when he is onshore the week after.

I know you can't read into things but we've been asked to go to an adopters event early next month with lots of different LA's in advance  of our panel.  What are the odds of finding our next child at it?


----------



## ClaireDa

Congratulations Darmum xxxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi winnie, congratulations on being booked into your panel in September! I hope all goes well and try not to be too nervous!  

Claire - Thank you very much! Now first tsunami of emotion has gone passed and we are reading through profiles in cooler head now. I'm sure that it will take time but we'll get there, we'll get there...  

We've dug a small pond in the corner of our garden this weekend, so we can fill the bigger one in the middle. We considered to lose the pond all together but it's nice to have frogs and newts around, so we decided to downsize it. Now we need to find a safe pond cover over it. It should make the garden a bit bigger for a trampoline or a swing in the future!   

I hope all of you had a lovely long weekend!     xxxxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi Darmum, it definitely can be v emotional but glad you are ok. Am happy for you and hope you get a match in good time. Glad you made use of weekend with pond, what age did you guys decide on😊


----------



## Darmum

Hi Claire, 

Thank you very much for your kind wishes!  We are approved for 0-2 yo of either sex, incl F2A. But I'm keep looking at profiles of children outside of those hypothetical preferences and I've got a feel that we might end up with an older child or a sibling group... never know!  

How is your process going? Hope you are enjoying it!     xxxxx


----------



## ClaireDa

Hi Its going well, starting stage 2 soon which I think will keep us busy 😃 please keep us updated how you get along x


----------



## winnie78

Thanks  Darfur,  any tips for the pane?


----------



## Darmum

Claire,
Great! S2 will be much more intense, but I found it was quite therapeutic as well, so relax and just be honest to yourself! Good luck!     xxx

Winnie,
The panel was shorter and quicker with fewer questions than I thought, so don't worry too much and be smiley! 
One thing I'm really bad at is summarising things and giving clear and concise answers, so I spoke too long for each question and felt that chair wanted to move onto next subject  So it might be a good idea to summarise what you learnt from any significant life events, your emotions through the events, your weaknesses and solutions to cover the weaknesses etc in shorter sentences.
But it was really short, probably 20mins for our part and then 10 mins wait til getting the result, so really don't worry! You can choose to not attending it, too (maybe different in your LA or VA but our letter said so)!
Otherwise just wear clean clothes and tidy hair, then you'll be fine. I was wearing a midi length, floral print linen dress, no-sleeve with collar (it was a hot day) and DH was wearing well-ironed gingham check shirt with chinos. So no need to be fancy and just not too sexy would be good, I suppose.
I'm sure that your assessors recommending you to go to panel means that they have a confidence in you, so just be yourself and be smiley! Good luck!     xxx


----------



## zoehughes

hi i haven't been on here in a long time! i felt i just need to try and move on after failed treatment and get in a better head space. i know am !!!
i just wanted to share a little ask a little. me and my husband our on the adoption bus and its all going well so far. we are in stage 2 just completed our stage 2 training and our awaiting panel in November.
our issue is foster to adopt? we are so torn/confused/ scared. i am so undecided in what is the best decision for us. if anyone has any stories/information/support. i would be truly grateful xxx


----------



## poppy05

Hiya Zoe


It sounds like we are at a similar stage to you, we have panel 1st Nov, and we have decided to go F2A route, we feel it is worth the risk, for both the child and for us, i hate the thought of our child being in foster care before coming home to us, and if we can do that part too then we feel this is the path we must go.
I know it comes with the risk of the child returning back to birth family, but even in straight adoption there is still risks of a family member coming out of the woodwork, so nothing is ever really set in stone until the adoption order has been granted.
It is definately something that needs careful consideration, we researched and talked for quite a long time before reaching the decision, could you get yourselves on a F2A workshop to gather some more info? 
Wishing you all the best.
poppy xx


----------



## TeenageKicks

*Waves*

Looking for some advice after an unsuccessful IVF cycle...

I am back at the GP next week after my BFN and DH and I are awaiting a review with our clinic, but we don't know what to do. 

There's no guarantee another cycle of IVF is an option at this stage and even if it is it will be our last go. With that in mind we've started discussing adoption. There's so much information out there when we began looking on line. It's hard to know where to begin.

So, if anyone has any useful links/hints/tips I'd really appreciate if it they'd be willing to share. X


----------



## poppy05

Hiya teenagekicks


Firstly im sorry to hear of your BFN    good luck for your review appt.
It is good to start thinking of other options should you not be successful with treatment, you will find all sorts of info on these adoption boards, it will just be a case of trawling through the posts.
Most LA's wouldnt consider you until you have been clear of treatment for 6 months, and they will want to make sure you are at a point of resolve with trying for a birth family, however theres nothing stopping you popping along to an information event at a LA, they hold them monthly, and you aren't bound to anything, it is literally a case of getting booked in and just sitting listening, it may help you to make a decision re moving forward? take some time to get over your BFN cycle, and have your review, perhaps after that you may feel a bit clearer as to where you want to go?
Wishing you all the best.
poppy xx


----------



## Darmum

Hi all,

Arrrgh, it's difficult... 
Now I realised that getting approved was really an easy bit. Getting chosen for a specific child seems to be much harder...   

First thing struck me on search websites was, there are no "medically, physically, mentally and emotionally healthy" child come up on searches. All of them come with at least one of the issues above if lucky and mostly comes with 2-3 or all of them. 
If it's a young baby, there are some sort of hereditary or developmental uncertainty, and if it's older child, they already have diagnosis or the signs are becoming to show but no diagnosis yet. Just reading each profile makes my eyes water.

And then, we find some children who we feel like we can meet their needs, then huge competition awaiting. 
The illusion of "we have found a perfect child for us!" doesn't mean that the child's SW found perfect parent(s) for the child...  
We are still very early stage since approval but rejected for two sets of children already. We haven't seen any CPRs at all. We don't get even replies from some of the interests we have expressed but after few days, we sort of know that we are failed.

Sometimes we are hesitant to express interest but wanted to request more details, but then the profile disappears next day. Then only severely disabled younger children, older children and big sibling groups are left on the website permanently (not really permanent but some seem to be there for a long time). There seem to be many, many PAs waiting for over 2 years on members only forums. Some are leaving "giving up" post and the account disappears. I've seen someone said that she was rejected for over 35 sets of children and still waiting! 

Yes, we are approved for F2A, but number of children coming up for F2A is very small and for F2A, you have to be geographically fairly close to birth family to be able to manage very frequent contacts (often 3 times a week), which makes even harder to find the right one. 
Also those little babies are full of medical, mental, intellectual, developmental and personality uncertainties. We cannot even tell if they can start walking or talking one day. We haven't yet expressed interest for F2A babies, because of parental medical and mental health histories etc. It might turns out to be totally fine but just so scary.
It'll be still good thing that if adults can take the risks of legal uncertainty for the LOs if we are chosen as their F2A carer, but getting chosen is another story. There are so many people happy to go for F2A and there is still competition. It's not so much advantage nowadays.

I'm sorry for my depressing post... but this is the reality and all of you have to be ready for it.
Ah well... just needed to let the steam off... Sigh... 

We're going to have a long weekend trip next week, so after that I should be fine.
Hope you are well, wonderful ladies!


----------



## jend0906

Just a quick post - my panel has been put back by 2 weeks to 13th October  . Can't be helped so just have to wait!


----------



## LC77

Hi All,

I have been reading through this forum for a few months now and I have found it very informative, thank you.

This is the first time that I have posted anything.

My partner and I first attended an information evening with a voluntary agency back in November 2014, we took all the information away and then last month we decided to take it a step further. So I have had 2 phone calls with the SW from the VA totalling about 3 hours and then on Friday we had our first interview with the SW. We were totally honest and thought it had gone well only for them to call me today to say that because my partner is an occasional smoker (maybe one every other month) we need to wait for 6 months from the date of her last cigarette. I feel as though we have failed at the first hurdle!! Does anyone else have experience of this?

Also we mentioned that we were planning on getting married in Nov 2018 and they are suggesting we should even delay this.

Any feedback would be appreciated. I guess on a positive side they were their only initial concerns, so may be I shouldn't be so sad and I do appreciate this is very early days..


----------



## poppy05

Hi LC77
Welcome to the group   
Im sorry to read that there has been a couple of set backs for you, regarding smoking our LA like you to be smoke free for at least a year if you are wanting a child under 5 (i think thats right regarding age) luckily dw and i both packed up smoking over 2 years ago, but all va's and la's will have a strict no smoking policy.
Regarding your wedding, i think they are probably suggesting you delay it as they dont like you to have any big significant events planned in the first year or two, including building works on your home etc, the child you get will have gone through such a huge change and will possibly be very nsettled for sometime, so they like everything to be nice and calm, a wedding is a very big stress, and could have an effect on an adopted child settling.
on a positive though, the sw must think you are suitable prospective adopters to be asking you to make those changes, is there any way you could maybe push your wedding forward a year? and go for adoption in 2018 instead? that would tackle the smoking thing too? 
you can take a 6 month break between stage 1 and stage 2, maybe it would be worth asking if you could complete stage 1 and take the 6 months break for your partner to be smoke free? it could be an option for you? 
wishing you all the best, and keep us posted.


jend0906 im sorry your panel has been moved back, its very annoying when you are mentally prepared for a certain date, but its not too long to wait now,   


darmum, i hope you are feeling a bit better now hun? i dont think we really think much about the inbetween stuff from being approved and being matched, finding our families is such a huge thing, try to be positive my lovely, your little one is out there somewhere waiting to come home, it will all happen soon enough, and you will be glad you waited   
are you going somewhere nice for your weekend break? 


AFM, well we are almost at the end of our home assessment! we have 1 more visit on monday and we are all done, i cant believe how quick it has gone, i have quite enjoyed it really, our sw is really nice and ever so easy to talk to, im looking forward to reading our par when its completed.
it was 7 weeks yesterday until panel!! im ready for it now, i just want to be approved to at least know im going to be a mummy.


Hope everyone is getting on ok
poppy xx


----------



## LC77

Hi Poppy, 

7 weeks until panel, you must be so excited reading through this forum from the beginning I think it said that you started the adoption process in Jan this year, is that correct?  

The smoking isn't really an issue for us as it was only occasional and she last had a secret in June she just won't give in when we go out socially anymore so that will be ok and she has said easy enough to do so that's good.

Just the wedding then, so need to think a lot more about that.  I only recently proposed in June of this year however although we are not having an extravagant wedding we would still like it to be a nice day.  We have found a venue that we like and we are looking for a winter wedding so couldn't afford to do it in Nov 2017 hence why we said 2018.  Our idea was that hopefully if everything went according to plan we would be approved by hopefully October next year giving us a year to go through the process and then we could see if we are matched with a child for the next few months after then which would still give our child 9/10 months to settle in before the wedding.  However in the likely situation that it took longer to be matched with a child then we would wait until after the wedding to be matched.  Not sure if this would be possible. 

We are just concerned that we are not getting any younger and if we leave it until Nov 2018 to start the process we would be 41 and 39 then!!!


----------



## poppy05

Hi LC77
Yes we started in jan, seems ages ago now.
Aww congrats on your engagement, planning a wedding is just the best! i totally get where your coming from re finances etc, weddings cost a bomb! its a hard decision to know what to do for the best isnt it? you wouldnt want to jepordise a potential match, but then you also want to have your lovely wedding day.
I also understand the age thing too, i was 40 this year and i really didnt want to wait any longer, i know really we are not old, theres plenty of much older couples going through this.
The adoption process is really quite tough in terms of emotions and fitting in all the training etc, that plus a wedding would really push your stress levels to the max! you will figure out what is best for you both.


poppy xx


----------



## Darmum

Thank you Poppy, I'm ok enough to carry on normal life. Another confirmation of failure was delivered to my inbox though...  
Travelling around historical sites of South West England with my friend and DH for weekend should make me feel better! Hope weather is good! 
All the best in your panel in less than 7 weeks! 

Welcome Teenage Kicks and LC77 - Hope everything goes well whichever the path you decide to take. Good luck! 

jend - oh no, I'm sorry to hear that your panel date is pushed backwards...   Ours was pushed back once for two weeks as well, but it didn't do any harm, so don't worry! Just enjoy extra time of learning and practice clear and compact replies for any questions which could be raised from the panel members. Good luck! 

At least tomorrow is Friday!   xxx


----------



## LC77

Poppy - I am sure that it feels a long time, although you are nearly at the end now, I wish you luck with the last few weeks.  I guess I was thinking that they might ask more questions at the first interview regarding my relationship with my partner as we are a same sex couple, didn't really realise that the wedding would be a big issue, however I understand why.  I am sure this is something that we can talk through with the SW when we are ready to start the process again!!  In the mean time we are focusing on trying to sort out our finances and getting more child experience.  Going to meet the commissioner of the guiding group in our area on Monday night we a few to both of us volunteering together at a Rainbows group, I am quite looking forward to it.  

Darmum - I hope you find a match soon.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.


----------



## butterfly15

Hi All! I'm back!!!!  Poppy and Darmum how are you doing? Trying to catch up with all your posts from the past four months!!!!  I believe Darmum is approved and Poppy you have a date for 1st November for panel is this right??  You need to fill me in!!!

For those who weren't on here in April/May we were just accepted onto stage two and then something happened with my job and we had to defer for 6 months so I could start my new job and bed in before doing stage 2.  Well we have now been in touch with the agency to start stage 2 in November!!!

We have had a lovely summer and kept ourselves busy and the new job is going very well!  I just hope it doesn't go against us in stage 2.  But we have been allocated a social worker already!!!  My husbands busy period at work starts in October for a month so we thought November was better.

Good to be back!!


----------



## poppy05

Hey butterfly its so nice to have you back!    im so happy to read you are starting stage 2 in nov, few more weeks and you will be on your way.
how is the job going? those 4 months have gone so quick.
Yes we have panel on 1st nov!    our home study finished last week, so no more social worker visits, it will be a bit strange not seeing her every week, feeling like we are nearly there now, just began today to feel a little nervous for panel  be so glad when that day is here.
once again its lovely to see you back hunni xxxx


----------



## Darmum

Welcome back Butterfly!  It's so lovely to have you back here!!!    

Yes, we are now approved and seeking for a match but alas, it's a tough game...  
We are taking a small step each week (and kept sent back to the start line again and again...) and hoping to get chosen for perfect children for us one day!

Glad to hear that your new job is going well! I'm sure that your stage 2 will go very quick! Enjoy talking to your allocated SW! 

I'm off to volunteering now, lovely kids at the nursery and my baby niece are helping me to keep going!
Have a lovely week, ladies!     xxxxxxxxx


----------



## butterfly15

Hey poppy and darmum so glad everything is going well for you both!! Looking forward to keeping up with your further progress.

Try not to worry Poppy our social worker on our adoption course said by the time you get to this stage they have pretty much decided already so you should be fine at panel its just a formal procedure they have to follow to finalise it. How exciting.

Hang in there Darmum better to wait a little longer for the right child than rush in and it not be a good match. Your child is just around the corner I'm sure.

Job is going good I'm enjoying the new challenge!! 

Enjoy your week keep me posted xxxx


----------



## Darmum

Hi ladies,

We might have got a potential match!!!  
Still too early to get excited but ahhhhhh! Cannot help!!! 
The LO hasn't even got PO yet, so there are so many uncertainties... but hopefully the LO comes to us!!!   

Hope everyone is having a good week!    xxxxx


----------



## poppy05

Wow darmum this is wonderful news, i will be keeping everything crossed for you both that all works in your favour with this match, this is so exciting, please please keep us updated   


How is everyone else doing? its been very quiet in here, i hope you are all getting on ok


----------



## Darmum

Thank you so much, poppy!   
It's still too early to say anything at this moment but one very certain thing is the LO is absolutely beautiful! 
DH is telling me not to get attached too much yet just in case but I cannot help looking at the photos every few minutes! 
One good thing is I'm no longer looking at Link Maker profiles and only checking its forum pages!  
Furnitures are ordered and I finished crocheting a soft toy and started the second one! 

Your panel is getting closer, isn't it poppy? Are you ready? Have you decided what to wear?

It's becoming colder and few people at work are getting a cold, so keep warm and take care, everyone!     xxxxx


----------



## Thepinklady

Darmum this is lovely to read! Looking forward to seeing how things progress for you. Congratulations.


----------



## poppy05

Hi darmum
yes panel is looming, 3 weeks on tues! we get to see our PAR next week! can't wait to read it.
I haven't 100% made my mind up what im going to wear, its a toss up between a black dress with a blazer and boots, or trousers, jacket and shoes?! think i will see what the weather is doing on the day.
We have our last training course tomorrow, i will be so glad to finish, i have quite enjoyed it all but am so ready now to move on to the next stage.


Hope you all have a lovely weekend
We are having dinner with friends as its dw birthday on mon, im making the most of still being able to have a few glasses of wine!


----------



## NickyNack

Hi Ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining your board I could do with some help and support as I start the adoption journey as a lone adopter having split with my fiancé and been through 3 ICSI IVF cycles. I attended an open evening event in June of this year with my Mum up had to put my actual application on hold for 6 months as requested by the social workers as this is apparently mandatory. I had my first home visit 19 Sept and am now anxiously waiting for a decision to see if they will accept me and go ahead my my adoption application. It will be 3 weeks since this initial meeting this Monday and I really am so worried they will turn me down and not sure how I will cope if they do after the failure of my IVF attempts - did it take this long for any of you to get a desision at this early stage? I really look forward to hearing your stories and hope you can guide me through the process if I get a yes xxx


----------



## butterfly15

Hi All,

Wow Darmum what great news, keeping everything crossed with this match for you!  You may have a little one by Christmas  

Oh Poppy how exciting for you too!  Three weeks to go and you get to read your PAR too!!!  I cannot wait to start stage two now.  Just waiting on that all the get our first date booked in for our meeting with the social worker.  

Please both keep me posted!!!!

Welcome Nicky Nack sorry to hear about your fertility struggles and your split from your finance, this is obviously so very important to you for you to go ahead on your own and very brave too!  We did stage one in March and then got told after that if we would be accepted onto stage two which took a couple of months, by which time I had started a new job so decided to take a break between stage one and stage two for 6 months so I could settle in.  We are due to start stage two in November.  We have also been through IVF, been trying for 5 years without one single positive test but how I see it adoption was the road we were supposed to go down  

Keep us updated you have all our support xx


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## poppy05

Hi Nickynack
Welcome to the group   
I just wanted to say that since starting this process i have learnt that no news is most definately not always bad news, we got accepted for stage 1 very quickly, and was put on stage 1 prep equally as quick, however we waited ages to hear if we had got through to stage 2, im sure darmum and butterfly remember me coming on here worrying we hadn't got through.
Our stage 1 started end of Jan, and we didnt go on stage 2 prep until may, and stage 2 officially started in july! 
So try to relax, i know its hard, but i am sure you will hear soon, and in the mean time we are all here to support you.   


poppy xx


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## jend0906

Darmum - how exciting!!! Will be keeping everything crossed for this match.

Poppy - not long to go now for you. 

NickyNack - hi and welcome. I too am a single adopter after leaving my husband 3 years ago. We had 10 rounds of IVF and 6 miscarriages so it took me a long time to get to this stage. I'm so glad I did though! Try not to worry too much about the wait in between visits or stages, sometimes it's just like that. Hope you get some news soon.

AFM - panel is on Thursday, although it was delayed, it's come around so quickly!! I have no idea what to wear!


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## NickyNack

Aw thank you Poppy and Butterfly for ur quick replies ☺It's so nice to know I've got some support as it's quite scary doung this on my own and after the upset of the IVF too but yes it is so very important to me to become a mumsince my first natural MCC when I was 30 it's all I want 😔 Poppy you are about to go to panel then in a few weeks, I hope the time goes quickly for you and they say yes which I'm sure they will and you get ur match and Butterfly u bet ur raring to go then after putting things on hold due to ur job, not long before you get started either ☺👍🏼 How did you both find the training days or are you about to start them Butterfly? I was in this site during my IVF and found it really useful being able to speak to ladies in the same boat - I still check in with them from time to time but it's pretty hard to be honest as a lot of them have had success and one of my closest friends on there has just had twins in the last few days at the same sort of time I should have had an LO after my third and final go of IVF 😥 So I think I will stay away now as like you say Butterfly you have to move on after IVF and accept it wasn't meant to be and we are destined to be mummies of poor children who have had a bad start and who could give them any more love than us as we have waited for them for so very long 😔☺ 

Look forward to getting to know you more and us supporting each other on our journeys xxx


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## NickyNack

Jend0906 - sorry u posted as I did, thanks for ur encouraging words, great to know you are a lone adopter too after a really tough time of TCC, you must be one tough lady ☺👍🏼 How have you found it on ur own? Not long to panel for you either xxx


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## poppy05

Hi jend, wow your panel has come round quick! very best of luck to you hun, will be thinking of you, and i know what you mean re knowing what to wear!! i keep changing my mind! haha


Hey butterfly, hopefully you wont be waiting much longer to get going again, next year will be your year!   


Nickynack, i found the training good, hard going at times, and some of it felt repetitive, but on the whole it was very good, we had our last training workshop yesterday and it was brilliant, im so glad we finished with a good one, i think out of all the training i enjoyed the 3 day stage 2 prep the most, even though that one was probably the most difficult in terms of emotions etc.


any news darmum?


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## NickyNack

Poppy how many days of training have you done then intotal and how often/for how long - is this the same for everyone adopting? Glad you ended in a good one Hun 👍🏼☺ Xx


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## poppy05

Hey Nickynack


For stage 1 we had a workshop which was a couple of hours, then a 1 day prep course.
And for stage 2 we had a 3 day prep course, and we have been on 5 workshops, all of which were a full day.


poppy xx


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## butterfly15

Evening ladies, hope you are all well, its freezing tonight, even put the fire on brrr!

Hey Nicky Nack I think every agency does it differently as stage one for us was the training days which we thoroughly enjoyed as not only did we learn all about adoption but about ourselves too!  We are now just waiting for stage two to start in November where we will start having our one to one sessions and joint sessions to build our PAR (adopters report).

Hey Jend0906 wow 10 rounds of IVF!!!!!  My goodness I take my hat off to you.  Good luck with your panel on Thursday let us know how you get on.

Poppy not long now!!!! I am excited for you!!!!  

xxxx


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## Darmum

Oh wow, lots of posts since my last one!  

Thank you so much all for your lovely wishes! You guys are the best!   
Welcome NickyNack, adoption journey has been giving us a lot more ups than downs compared to fertility treatment, so I hope you enjoy it, too!  

I'm now busy researching about medical and other conditions of the LO, from the best possible scenario to the worst case scenario. Also busy crocheting more cuddly toys! I went to craft fair last weekend and got more materials to make things for the LO's room, like buntings, blankets and so on! I'll be busy crocheting, knitting and sewing for next few months!  

We are shortlisted and read the CPR but haven't got any more news about the LO. We won't know anything until the PO is granted in next few weeks time. Then after PO, we'll be interviewed by the LO's social worker in the same week (interview date is provisionally booked but can be postponed depending on court decision)! It'll be a normal adoption route rather than F2A, so my SW thinks that matching panel would be in December and actual placement would be in New Year, if everything go smoothly... I wish it'll be quicker but it'll give my work a good notice period so it might be not too bad thing...  

All the best to your panels, jend and poppy! 
My SW told us that looking casual is actually better than looking too formal. So wear something comfortable but not scruffy, then you'll be fine! I'm looking forward to hear more happy news!


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## Perkins2

Hi all, well after spending the first part of the year on the 2ww board I've now moved over to the adoption forum. 
Had a mini breakdown earlier due to the frustration of my situation & what made it worse was feeling like I had no one to share it with. So glad I remembered seeing this forum & already feel better from reading the posts. 
So since my last IVF attempt me & my OH have been doing our research on adoption, we've attended adoption events, spoken with various agencies & met with three couples who have adopted children. After all the info gathering  we decided to use  our LA, we'd been to their event so they already had our details when I phoned. When I rang I was told if I didn't hear back within two weeks to ring again. Two weeks went by so I rang, after a number of calls I found out we'd been allocated a social worker (yippee after many years I'm actually now in a process that involves having children at the end of it!) Social work visit was booked then cancelled, then I was told she was going off for two weeks for an operation. We were told to email with dates we were free in October for another appointment to be made, no response to our emails. After more phone calls following her op we were told she was now off sick & to wait another week for her to return. Phoned today to be told she's still off sick, that we are being allocated another social worker & to phone back in November if we've not heard anything & that we are low priority due to open cases. I feel like screaming already & I've barely even put my toe in the adoption pond yet!!!!


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## butterfly15

Hi Perkins2 welcome aboard the adoption roller coaster!

I can understand your frustration at being pushed back and pushed back due to your original social worker being off sick.  And then to be told to call back in November is even more annoying.  But you have made the first step onto the roller coaster and that's the main thing.  We had to have a 6 month break between stage 1 and stage 2 due to my job and I was devastated so we too are waiting for our appointment in November.

As with IVF the adoption road has its ups and downs but we are all in this together.  You can vent on here and we are all here to support you over the hurdles along the way.  Stay positive, I'm sure it will be more than worth the wait and the set backs   xxx


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## poppy05

Hi perkins and welcome.
Congratulations on starting your adoption journey, i feel exactly the same as you regarding this being a process where there will actually be a child at the end of it!
Like butterfly said, this process does come with its ups and its downs, it can be frustrating, and annoying at times, you will hear the word 'resilient' used a heck of alot over the next few months, and i now see why, we have experienced minor delays, appointments being cancelled etc, we had to wait for our social worker before we could start our home assessment as she had annual leave, and was busy with other couples, we would probably have already been to panel by now if we didnt have those delays, please dont feel like its just you it is happening to, or that your LA isnt good enough, it is just part of it all, we are here anytime that you need to come and have a rant.
I hope you hear something real soon


poppy xx


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## Perkins2

Thanks butterfly & poppy, I'm sure I'll do plenty of ranting on here as the months go by. Hopefully I'll bring lots of positivity too. You might have to give me a heads up on the terminology on here, I guess LO means the child but what do the initials stand for? 
I've just got a few questions for everyone, firstly what are people's views of volunteering with children? Myself and my OH work with vulnerable adults, spend time with nephews & nieces & babysit friends children. Does volunteering give people the edge when it comes to the process? Feel like I'm meant to be building up a CV!!
Also did anyone have to get references from ex partners? Whilst I'm sure mine will give me a decent reference I'm not exactly thrilled at him being part of this process. Sorry one more question so I can prepare myself & my OH - what have people found to be the hardest part of this process? Thanks so much for any help on these.

Xx


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## jend0906

Butterfly - yes 10 cycles, not all full ones but included FET's. I had every problem possible, OHSS twice making me quite poorly, a collection where they had to stop at 15 eggs from one side because it was too dangerous to get to the other side, a failed fertilisation, a bfn and then all the miscarriages! Definitely a long and painful journey!!

Darmum - i can't imagine how difficult the waiting is, i'd be so impatient! But we don't have a choice so I hope it goes quickly for you.

Perkins - yes lots of ups and downs and frustrating waits in between things but it soon comes together. I was told I had to have a reference from my ex husband as he had children so there was a lot of involvement with the children. However, he didn't respond to my social workers request so i'm hoping it's not going to be an issue at panel!

AFM - I can't believe panel day is here!! It's this afternoon so the waiting around is driving me mad but it won't be long now. I don't feel particularly nervous yet but i'm sure i will later. EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!


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## poppy05

Helloooooo


Perkins, to answer your questions from my experience - our childcare experience sounds pretty much the same as yours, my dw also works with vulnerable adults, and we have nephews and friends children we look after and see all the time, we didnt volunteer, our social worker was happy with the amount of involvement with children we have.


LO = little one


Yes my ex had to be contacted, he was sent an ex partner reference form, i emailed him myself to give him a heads up, i have no idea if he responded to it, but as long as they can evidence that they tried to contact ex's thats good enough for panel, really dont worry about it.


The hardest part of the process for me is the hanging about, the moving or cancelling of appointments, im quite an impatient person, and also a very organised person, so i struggle with having to wait for such long periods of time in between each part, i just want to bet it all done and finished. xx


jend how did you get on at panel my lovely? how was it all? xx


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## jend0906

It was a big fat unanimous YES at panel!!!!!!!!!!

I was an hour late going in as they were considering adjourning because they couldn't find my medical report! But they sorted it in the end and it was fine.

It was really relaxed and they put me at ease which was great. The chair person told me that after I'd left the room for them to make the decision, there was no hesitation from any of the panel and they said that they know any child would just be showered with love.

I've been approved for 1 child aged 0-2 both normal adoption and foster to adopt.

So so happy right now, now the wait begins waiting for a match!


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## poppy05

Ah jend i am so over the moon for you hun, huge congratulations, you are going to be a mummy!   
I hope you dont have a long wait to meet your lo, exciting times ahead    xx


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## Darmum

Congratulations on your approval, jend!!! I'm soooooo happy for you!!!    
We are approved for exactly same category as you and thought it would take ages to find a match, but it's actually been quite quick so watch out for your roller-coaster ride!   All the best!!!

Perkins - re: volunteering, I started volunteering at local sure start centre (nursery setting and drop-in sessions) just before we were accepted for stage 1 and have been doing for 11months now! It's all been very positive and I highly recommend! The charity who runs the centres provide amazing training courses for vols and I've just done a "challenging behaviour" workshop today. They have many vols doing NVQ 2 and 3 so I'm learning with them. I've met many childcare professionals and local mums who will be part of our support network. There are uncountable positives in volunteering but the best thing for me is making the waiting game a lot easier and fun! The children's smiles keep me motivated through ups and downs. If you work full time, there are places you can volunteer on Saturdays or Sundays as well, so have a look around! Good luck!  

Night night, ladies!    xxx


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## Perkins2

Congratulations Jend!! what will happen next for you? Everyone I've spoken to about adoption adopted a while ago so a lot seems to have changed since. Looking on websites it seems some people get info sent to them in the post & others have to log onto websites. How do you feel about the next bit? My stomach flips already at the thought of looking at profiles, seems such a weird thing to do. 

Thank you poppy, butterfly, Jend & Darmum for the info so far. Makes me feel better knowing if no info is sent back from the ex it doesn't seem to affect the process. Social services must presume if there were any problems ex's would let them know. 

I started enquiring last night about volunteering for the rainbows, like you said Darmum for the reason of expanding my support network. Although I have lots of friends, we don't have any family nearby. We are also planning on moving a few miles away to be further out towards the countryside. The social worker on the info day didn't think it would be a problem as long as it was before the adoption. Realised that it would probably be a good idea to volunteer in that area to show integration into the community (watch this space for moving suddenly being a massive problem with the adoption!). 

Didn't realise the time! Now running late for work!!

Xx


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## Darmum

Hi Perkins, that's a great idea to start volunteering in the area you are moving to! 
I'm not from UK so had not many friends in our town and I work 30 mins drive away so I had hardly needed to walk around the town where we live for the last decade until I started volunteering! 
I now often walk to town centre unless it's bad weather (7mins drive or 30mins walk) and try to use different routes so I know the local streets better now. I'm volunteering at very popular free drop-in session for babies and toddlers with parents means that I bump into many familiar faces to say hello in the street. 
I also often go out with local mum friends with babies and toddlers after volunteering and found many child-friendly parks, cafes and restaurants. The mum friends let me bottle feed and sometimes let me change their LO's nappies, which I'm not allowed to do at nursery (all toilet issues are dealt by qualified staff at nursery). 
Help pushing mum friend's push chairs taught me how heavy they could be on the hills and lopsided pavements, especially those double-decker one! Just even hanging around in their house, keep chatting and keep an eye on their LOs is appreciated whilst they are hanging washing etc, which tells me that I will need similar support for myself too. Every small detail is learning for me and so interesting, as I missed opportunity to help my sister raising her daughters miles away in my home country.
I've been learning so much from local mums (including my sister in law) instead and my little world in the local area is definitely expanding!

I hope you find a good place to volunteer and find good circles of friends and professionals within the new community. Good luck!     xxxxx


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## butterfly15

Hi ladies,

Big congratulations jend thats fantastic news fingers crossed you are matched soon!!!!!

Its interesting hearing you all talking about volunteering we haven't been told to but I can see why it would help I think I will look into it myself. I work full time so I'll try for weekends.

Xx


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## Darmum

Hi butterfly, Oh yes! It's so much fun and you can feel that you are directly contributing and much more integrated in local society so I definitely recommend! 
I specifically googled for local Sure Start Centre but you can find many more volunteering opportunities on do-it.org website etc.
Hope you can find a lovely place to volunteer!  xxxxx


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## NickyNack

Hi everyone hope you have all had a fab weekend ☺

Jend that is amazing news so happy for you and also very encouraging as I'm a single adopter too - I would prefer 0-2 so you have given me lots of hope ☺  hope you now find ur special little LO very soon now and you finally become the mummy you have battled so long to be xxx

Perkins we sound like we are at a similar stage and I'm also at a bit of a stand still after my first home visit was a month ago on Monday 🙄 I also intend on moving before I get started to be closer to my sister and mum and dad for support as doing this in my own and the social workers said I would need to do this before I started so straight after Christmas I will be putting my house on the market which I'm a bit scared about if I'm honest as been here 9 years, but I feel it's time for a fresh start on my new journey and altho I love my home there are also bad/negative memories here of the stressful IVF journey and troubles with my now ex so know once I have done it and get settled on a new place I know i will be pleased I have done it ☺ Will be really nice to go thro the journey together too ☺ Xx

I also haven't really thought about volunteering - to be honest I look after my brothers 2 kids a lot and always have and myself and my sister are pretty close and her DH works away a lot so I help her look after my nephew Harry who is 3yrs old who really can be an adorable little pest 😂

What happens now then Jend?

Hope you are all doing ok, I'm all snuggled in with my lil cat George watching Strictly ☺ xx


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## NickyNack

Also, can I ask you all what your views on fostering to adopt are? From the information evening I said this wasn't for me as too much of a risk and when I saw the social workers for my first home visit they asked if this was a route I would consider and I said no. Will this limit my chances? Just can't bear the thought of been matched (that's even if I get that far?!) and the LO I am matched with been at risk of not coming home with me and instead with some family member etc? Would be really greatful to hear your views xx


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## NickyNack

One further question sorry! I have enquired and am awaiting a decision if they will proceed with one of my LAs but can I also contact another agency while I await their decision to see what the other agency is like? I have heard that LAs have a greater number of adoptive children available to them - is this right? That's the last question for now ☺ Thank you in advance xx


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## Perkins2

Hi All

NickyNack, I initially said no to foster to adopt after we went to the information sessions but then read more about it & it seems social services only do it when they are 99 percent sure the child won't be returning home. I wasn't sure how it works with adoption leave from work but it's the same as just doing straight adoption -  leave starts as soon as the child moves in. (Not sure what would happen with the adoption leave if the one percent happened and the child returned back to the birth parents)

I was also under the impression that LAs have a greater number of children available for adoption which is the only reason we have gone with them. Our LA ofsted report is terrible & the voluntary agencies reports are down as outstanding. However when I phoned a few voluntary agencies they didn't seem keen to take us as we weren't going for hard to place children (struggling with how cut throat the whole thing feels when talking about the type of children we will accept!)

Darmum you seem to be putting in a lot of useful groundwork prior to adopting, I'm sure it will all pay off. One of the couples we have met weren't from the UK and have no family here. The adoption process went well for them. 

Went to see the progress of our house the other day, it's  on a new housing estate. They've not even laid the foundations yet which is frustrating & I'm worrying this may hold up the process by quite a few months. The thought of living in the new house with our children one day feels very much like a day dream at the moment & something that happens to other people not us! Xx


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## Thepinklady

Just a quicky Perkins on the adoption leave if the child returns home. If the child returns home or an adoption is disrupted during the period of adoption leave adoption leave continues to be paid a normal for 8 weeks after the child leaves the adopted home.


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## Perkins2

Thanks pink lady for that info, I imagine it's pretty traumatic if something like that happened & you wouldn't want to race back to work.


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## Darmum

Hello, lovely ladies!

We've had an interview with the LO's SW and... they are happy for us to become the baby's mum and dad!!!    
I don't know if this is called "matched" or "linked"... is Matching after the matching panel So probably "linked"? Ah well, anyway... we are finally becoming parents, after nearly 8 years trying to be one!!!
The baby is absolutely beautiful and definitely worth the wait!  

There will still be few months until she comes to live with us, but ah, I'm over the moon - and back!  
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, I'm sure that it WILL happen to all of you, hard-working and loveliest ladies! All the best in your process!!!    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## poppy05

Oh darmum im sat here with tears rolling down my face! this is just such wonderful amazing news, i am so so so happy for you, congratulations.
Ah a little pink one    how old is she?  you must be on cloud 9, i hope the next few weeks fly by for you and that your little girl comes home to her mummy and daddy real soon.
Ah hunni your going to be a mummy, how fantastic.
sending you both my love and cannot wait for the next instalment of this amazing journey of yours.


poppy xx


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## Darmum

Thank you, poppy!!!    

She's a baby! She'd be still under 1yo when she is coming to us! 
She's sooooo beautiful and her eyes are very much like my DH's! Even one of the SWs thought so when she saw our photo on PAR, so it wasn't just me got excited about it!   
Both her parents are white British but as she's so much look like my DH, and her hair is dark, we could look quite natural as a family!  

I cannot believe that this is actually happening! Ahhhhhhhh! 
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## poppy05

Ahh darmum thats so wonderful, and sounds as though shes is totally meant to be your daughter! so whats next? do you have a date for matching panel yet? 


How is everyone else? any more news? 


Afm, so its panel for us next week! my emotions are a real mixture right now, im so excited yet so nervous, i just want it to be next tues, and for it to be over. xxx


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## Darmum

Awwww, Poppy! You are just round the corner to become a mum! I'm sure that everything will go well, as you've made so many positive changes to your life!!! I'll be crossing all my fingers and toes for you!    
I'm looking forward to hear the lovely news soon!  

We haven't got a panel date yet - the child's SW was aiming to find a slot for us in December but if it's full then it'll be January. We haven't heard back since! Either way placement would be January so we are quite calm about it.   

I've read many horror stories of "was understanding BP suddenly changed their minds" or "FC decided to apply to adopt" etc, so there are still possibilities of things go wrong, but we just try not think about it! 

I saw some electricians putting up Christmas lights in the town centre today! Gosh is it Christmas already?! I started my volunteering at the nursery on the day they were having a Christmas party. Nearly a year since then already? Scary!    
XXxxxxxxx


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## Perkins2

Exciting news Darmum!! I look forward to hearing about the rest of the adventure! Talking about Christmas, I wonder what Christmas will look like for us all next year. 
Poppy - it gives me butterflies when I hear the word 'panel' even tho I'm nowhere near anything like that yet. Bet the next week will drag for you. I hope things are as smooth as possible for you. I'm finding it hard enough just waiting for the social worker to call to begin the process! So much for the process taking about 6 months, it's taken 3 months to possibly be allocated a social worker for our first visit!!!


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## poppy05

Hi perkins
Trust me the time flys by, before you know it you will be posting your panel date in here too!! its actually a year this week since we went to our first information event, and im sat here in disbelief that we have actually gone through the whole adoption process now and are just awaiting panel next week! even though at times things have dragged, in the grand scheme of things it has gone so quick.
It def doesnt take 6 months, we started in january! you'll be surprised how fast things move once you get started, you find yourself counting down the weeks and days, and all of a sudden you will be at the end, its crazy really.


Darmum i really hope you get to matching panel and have some sort of plans in place before christmas so you can enjoy yourselves before your whole lives change forever, what a totally exciting  year 2017  is going to be! 


We recieved our official panel invitation today!    its all there in black and white, and to be honest im a mess!! hahaha the outcome of this will determine our future and the rest of our lives, our whole family is involved in this, and we have so many people waiting for our news, its not just us waiting for a little one to join our family, theres a whole bunch of people wanting this to, and i also cant believe that after 20 years of trying and waiting this might actually be my time! 
This weekend is going to be awful haha i wish i could sleep until mon!!!! xxx


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## butterfly15

Evening ladies!!

Oh Darmum that's fantastic news I am so delighted for you, very well deserved.  Just think how fast this year has gone, those few months will fly by and you will be mummy and daddy before you know it.  I am over the moon for you!!!!!!!

Not long now Poppy!  I am sure all will be just fine but I know I will be nervous when my time comes too, it's only normal as it means so much to us all.

Well, we have our first appointment to start stage two at the end of November.  So going into next year will be great for all of us fingers crossed.

How is everyone else? xxx


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## poppy05

Yay butterfly thats amazing news, im so pleased for you, its been a long time coming hasnt it, i remember how disheartened you felt when you had to postpone, but now look, its all systems go for you!   


Our little group has all of a sudden become very exciting    xxx


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## jend0906

Poppy - so exciting, not long to go now. It will be fine, I was a nervous wreck , more so because it felt like my whole future was balancing on that one day. My panel were lovely people though and really put me at ease.

Darmum - these next few months will fly by and you'll soon have a little one at home!

Butterfly - great news on starting stage 2, you'll soon be telling us your panel date.

Perkins - time will most definitely pass quickly and you'll soon also be at panel. My whole process took 7 months but I was assessed as a single adopter so was a bit quicker.

Afm - I'm still waiting to hear from my new SW, as the old one left before panel but returned to do that. Luckily I know the new one, she did my initial visit and was on my prep training. She's also on the matching team, so she'll be the one looking to match families. Will give it until next week and then get in touch with her.
I've been busy though, I've now got a baby monitor and have ordered a cot bed ( will be ok for either baby or  year old then. Mattress has arrived and is in the space and the bed will be here next week. I really can't tell you how amazing it feels after all this time and heartache!! 

2017 is going to be an amazing year for us all!


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## Darmum

Perkins - Oh next Christmas will be wonderful to all of us! You'll be approved by then and most of us will be having the first Christmas with LOs! You should enjoy lots of weekends away or little holidays during 2017, before you become busy with your own LO!

Poppy - You will be absolutely dazzling at the panel, so have a good sleep! As you say, luck is on our side now! I mentioned about general chatting, encouraging each other and various info found on adoption forums at both approval panel and LO's SW visit and was received very positively. It shows that you are proactive, researching constantly and communicating well with fellow adopters, so you should show off our little gang at your panel, too!  

Thank you Butterfly! I cannot wait for her arrival but I'm worried about finishing off my work before Christmas, too... There's a big report to write up and we'll have a work placement to supervise November-December too, so I have to be focused!!  
Stage 2 would be very therapeutic, so enjoy looking back your own foot steps and opening up your life story to your SW! 

jend - Wow you are ahead of us in preparation! Our LO's nursery still has an adult sized bed in, as we were using it as a guest bedroom. We ordered our cotbed in September but still haven't heard about delivery timing yet!  I didn't realise that it takes so long to get furniture delivered! We haven't ordered mattress yet though... I'm also hoping to buy a little 4 door car, as mine is tiny 2 door at the moment, then car seat, high chair, of yes baby monitor! etc etc... Gosh it'll be an expensive year!   Definitely be an amazing year though!   

 Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## butterfly15

Oh wow ladies how exciting for all of us!  Just reading all your comments and catching up with you all has really brightened my day!!!!  

Talk of panel dates and nursery preparation!!!!  It's so wonderful!!!!!

Enjoy those lie in's and date nights before the fun really starts xxxxx


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## sonyab1983

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me jumping on this, but i'd love to follow your journey.

Myself and DH have our first visit from our SW on Thursday. We have done a 3 day course and a 1 day workshop so far but that's about it. 

A little about us, trying for 13 years several IVF's and 2 miscarriages. DH has low sperm count. I know that adoption is the way for me now. We'd like siblings up to the age of 6.

xx


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## zoehughes

hello everyone !! hope you don't mind me jumping in !! our panel is in 2 weeks. we are finally here arggg!!!! i'm so scared/ nervous and trying to contain the excitement, there is a future for us ! any one in the same boat ?? good luck all     xxx


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## poppy05

Hello sonya welcome to the group, wishing you all the best with your adoption journey   


Hey zoe, welcome to the group, i know exactly how you are feeling, we have our panel tomorrow!!!!    wishing you all the best, please let us know how you get on   


Hi to everyone else


Sorry for the lack of personals this eve, but to be honest i feel sick with nerves and cant even think straight right now! i actually cannot believe panel is tomorrow! the rest of our lives will be determined from tomorrows outcome, my stomach is in knots, i keep trying to tell myself it will be fine and that we have already done the hard bit, but i just cant stop these nerves! 
i guess my next post will be tomorrows panel news   


poppy xx


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## zoehughes

panel tomorrow !!! good luck!   i dont know how you are coping. i am a mess and still have 2weeks and our social worker is away for another week. can't wait to hear of your success xxxxxx


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## jend0906

Welcome Zoe and Sonya. Wishing you both lots of luck along the journey.

Poppy - lots of luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you and waiting for your news!!!


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## poppy05

Hi guys


Sooooooo we got a unanamous approval!!! we have been dual approved for f2a, we are on cloud 9, it feels absolutely amazing.
Panel was fine, i have never been so nervous in all my life, and i burst into tears on the first question! but everyone was really lovely, we were only in there 15-20 minutes, and they came out after about 30 seconds to give us their recommendation, then we both burst into tears! 
We didn't have our sw with us either, she is off sick! her boss came in with us, so that made us even more anxious going with someone we'd never met! but it was all wonderful.
I cannot believe after 20 years i can finally say 'im going to be a mummy'    


Poppy xx


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## sonyab1983

Thank you for the welcome ladies....

Poppy  - That's amazing news!! I had tears just reading it, what a feeling!


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## jend0906

Oh Poppy that is fantastic news, congratulations!!!!!!!
It's such a lovely feeling and relief isn't it. So happy for you xx


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## zoehughes

congratulations !!!!!!!!!!!     xxxxx


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## Darmum

Ahhhhhh! Congratulations, Poppy!!!!! I'm soooooooooooo happy for you!!!!     Xxxxxx
It must have been so scary that your SW wasn't there, but well done! You nailed it!!!  
Since you made so many positive changes in your life throughtout your adoption journey, I had no doubt that you'd be approved!
I'm sure that your perfect child is somewhere out there and waiting for you to find him/ her!  
Ahhh, what lovely news! I can sleep well tonight!   Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Welcome Sonya, hope you enjoy your adoption journey! 

Welcome Zoe, I hope all goes well at your panel!  

We've got provisional Matching Panel date in early December and got some meetings (Medical advisor, foster carer etc) arranged for next week! Still feel very surrealistic!!!


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## butterfly15

OMG Poppy that's amazing news I am so pleased for you!!! Congratulations!!!!!  Now just to wait for your lovely little one to come along  

Hello everyone and welcome to the newbies!!!!!

Wow Darmum fantastic news on your matching panel date, I really can't believe how fast this is all going now!!!!!

xxxx


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## zoehughes

hello ladies hope everyone is well. did anyone have last min pre panel questions?? that came from the panel boared? 
we had an email from our social worker asking some question that  panel want to know a week before our panel. 
xxxxx


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## Darmum

Hi ladies,

Our Matching Panel is now pushed back to after New Year due to a medical test result which has just come back. We are still meeting with MA soon but meeting with FC is postponed.
We found lots of info about the condition and still think that we are the right match for her and we can meet her needs, but we need to be ready for many more regular trips to medical appointments than we initially anticipated...

We'll be fine with the little delay, it's totally reasonable. We are now even more determined to support her and provide the best for her no matter what. But at this moment, I'm just so sad for this sweet, innocent baby who we haven't met yet. The condition is no one's fault and just happened to fallen onto her, but why it had to be her? She's already come through hard enough start of life and have a complicated enough family background - why the hell she has to be punished like this before even becoming 1 yo...


Zoe - we were asked about possible weaknesses in our childcare experience (DH didn't have much of it), why it took longer for DH to move onto adoption, what the differences between British and my home country's child protection systems etc. Most question would come up from your PAR, so read it again and again, then think about strategies to cover any weaknesses before the panel. Good luck!  xxxx


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## Darmum

Oh zoe, sorry! We didn't get any pre panel questions! Those I mentioned are actual panel questions!   xxxx


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## zoehughes

Thank you I managed to speak to our social worker and she said it was normal, but now Our panel date has just been moved 😢😢 nothing to do with us just not enough people to attend. 
I'm just finding time is dragging. Xxx


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## Perkins2

Congratulations to everyone that has been approved & good luck to those awaiting panel. I'm still no further forward, phoned the LA last week to say it's November now & we are still waiting to be reallocated a social worker for our first visit,  as ours is off sick. I was told it would be chased up & once again was told if I didn't hear anything by the end of the week to phone back (Do they ever actually phone you back?! ) I'm now going to have to ring again Monday & this time be a bit more firm as its become ridiculous. Checked my diary today & it was 23rd August that I made the call to arrange our first social work visit!! 😬 Think I'm going to be 😡 soon!!!


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## Perkins2

Hi, how is everyone getting on? After being allocated another social worker & another cancelled visit we are hoping to get our first visit next week (I'm trying to get my OH to think positive thoughts as he's convinced the visit will be cancelled again) Can anyone tell me what happens at the first visit? Do they need photocopies of anything? I'm just keen to move things on as quick as possible with all the waiting we have done.


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## NickyNack

Hi Perkins I had a long wait for my decision to see if they would go ahead with my adoption following my first visit and it was nearly 2 months!!! They moved my initial visit back a couple of times too so I feel your pain!! Keep calling that's what I did and I was never rude but just let them know I was eager for a response - I think it shows you are eager to start and they will remember you more! You just need to know things relating to your financial position i.e. savings if any, your mortgage amount compared to your house value, any loans/ car loans etc, any debt. And the rest is just questions about why you want to adopt and why you think you will be good adoptive patents, questions on your family etc. I made sure I had up to date photos of my family in my home so I could show them who's who and my nieces and nephews.  
I also had a clean and tidy home and a good selection of M&S biscuits ha ha!! 
Just be yourselves, relax and ask when you will hear from next as this is what I waited a long time for 🙄

Good luck and keep us updated xx

And yes they said yes to proceeding with my adoption so I have now just accepted an offer on my house, will move to a more child friendly area (currently v student type area with bars and restaurants - moving closer to family and better schools) So as soon as I'm settled I can get cracking 😬 New year new start for my and hopefully this time next year I will be a mummy 🙏🏼☺ Xxx


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## Perkins2

Thanks for that NickyNack. We are also going to move, just waiting for the house to be built. As far as finance is concerned we will be fine, what's worrying me is my OH has no contact with his family so I don't know how that will go down. He's also not got a great many friends, just a couple who live miles away who he rarely sees. His life is working hard & doing things with me. How many references do they need? & from whom? I'm hoping my family can provide references for my OH as he gets on brilliantly with them& one of my friends knows him quite well. This is why I'm so eager to get the first bit of the adoption done.


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## tinkytoes

Hi guys, thought I'd say hi and join in if that's okay (my board is a bit lonely!).

SS will require three compulsory references, two of which must not be family and one which must be (can be on either side).  The referees will complete a questionnaire in stage 1 and likely be interviewed during stage 2.  SS will also encourage you to provide as many supporting references as possible, these are folk who will be in your support network (think physical support - babysitting/minding/being out with you and the child etc  - and emotional support - who will listen to you when you are feeling down, overcome with things etc).  I named both family and friends and also this forum.  They will ask questions about OH's family, he just needs to be fully open about the reasons why.  We have issues in our family and were quite frank about everything although I remember being thoroughly worried about it during stage 1.    

If your first visit is the screening interview, they may not ask to see anything (ours didn't but we did have stage one training a few weeks later and we were asked to bring ID and other documents then but I can't recall now precisely what they were) but you could perhaps have your ID ready just in case. Also have a good idea of the amount of savings/assets that you have and liabilities (mortgage etc).  

I hope you get your date soon and things progress for you.

We are currently in stage 2, things seem to pick up at that point.  Panel in the spring!

best of luck

tink x


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## Perkins2

Tinkytoes, thanks so much for that info, that's really reassuring. It's hard not to obsess over things that you think social services will take issue with. I sent my OH a stressy text today telling him to track down his sister in case the social worker wanted to speak to one of his family members. He'll be glad I've calmed down about it when he gets back 😄. It's good to hear that the second part goes a bit faster, you must be getting excited now x


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## butterfly15

Evening All, so sorry I haven't been on for a while, work is crazy busy at the moment, and now christmas too!  Where are the days going??

I have tried to catch up with you all!  Very exciting times ahead.

We had our first stage two meeting last Wednesday, all systems go now, we have another one on Tuesday. She thinks we will be at panel in March!!  I really hope so!  Putting the tree up this year made me think how fast time has gone and this time next year we may have a little one!!!

Perkins2 you must be so frustrated!  Hang in there it will happen but I can understand your frustration.

Any more news for you Poppy??

xx


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## ClaireDa

Please can I join again we are currently in stage 2 awaiting panel date 😃


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## tinkytoes

Hey Perkins, we are super excited thank you and like Butterfly, have a panel date in March too!  We should be finished with the home study early Jan but it is still nerve racking, keep expecting things to go wrong.  I forgot to mention last time that we  started the process in August so I am thinking if you made you enquiry then it is really quite late for you guys to be getting off the starting blocks, could it be worth going elsewhere?  I appreciate you may not want to throw in the towel with your LA as you've already invested a bit of time but it has now been quite some time.  Hope you get sorted soon as I know how frustrating it is (and that's me already in the process!).


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## tinkytoes

PS- we made our initial query right at the start of Aug x


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## butterfly15

Welcome ClaireDa you are at the same stage as us and Tinkytoes!  We have had two sessions so far, I have my one to one next Thursday then we have a two week break over christmas.  We have a session booked in each week in January then hopefully we will have a confirmed date for February/March for panel!!  So excited now!  How may sessions have you had?

Hi Tinkytoes how are you doing, how many sessions have you had?

Perkins I have to agree with Tinkytoes, you have been waiting a long time, longer than usual.  I think you deserve some answers as to why this is taking so long.  Hang in there.

xx


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## poppy05

Hello lovelies


I'm so sorry I haven't been posting here for a bit, we have had a crazy couple of weeks, but I can now share my news with you all - we have been linked to a little pink!!!!    and she will be coming to us as a newborn, very very happy, excited, scared, every emotion really, but we are so shocked at how quick this has been, i wont be posting on the main forum for obvious reasons, but hopefully i will see you over on the post placement board, which is private, very soon, i shall still be on here following you all.


butterfly i cant believe you are talking of panel already! to think you took a break too and now you are very nearly there!   


darmum you too have been quiet? and developments on your LO? 


claireda good to see you back   


Hi everyone else   


Poppy xx


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## ClaireDa

Thanks all, we have had quite a few am hoping for panel in Feb time we will see 😃

Christmas is a busy time hey

Wow a little one poppy hope all goes well


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## butterfly15

Oh my goodness Poppy that has brought a little happy tear to my eye to hear your wonderful news!!!!!!!  Please keep us posted with the developments, any idea when you will be able to meet her??

xxxx


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## poppy05

Ah bless you butterfly   she is coming to us as an early permanence placement, so we will be taking her from hospital, we think it will be 48 hours after her birth, or as soon as they have been to court for the interim order. xx


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## Dame Edna

Just seen your wonderful news Poppy!!!


The fun starts for you very soon!!  


Congratulations and happy pram hunting ☺


Oh how I miss the pram days!  Enjoy!
Xx


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## Perkins2

Amazing news poppy! From reading your narrative you more than deserve this!! It's so lovely to hear such fantastic news xx
Everyone else seems to be moving through the stages smoothly as well 😀
I've got my first meeting tomorrow, at last! Trying to advise my OH to not come across as a grumpy old man as he's still fuming about the cancelled visit last week.


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## Darmum

Wow Poppy! Congratulations!!! Fantastic news and yes, you totally deserve it!!!    
Do you know roughly when your LO is due? I hope the court decision is quick so baby can move to safe and loving home as soon as possible!!!  
I'm so glad that we can move onto post placement board together!  xxxxx

Our matching with the baby girl had a bit of delay due to new discovery in medical side, but it hasn't affected our decision at all and progressing slowly but steadily. It's more to do with our SW being cautious for us and she wanted us to be fully informed and fully understand the potential effects to the baby in the future. We had opportunities to meet with baby's paediatrician, physio, health visitor, foster carer, med adviser, and someone who lives with same condition as the baby and doing our own research on top, so we are fully equipped for Matching Panel!  

It was a bit frustrating that we are missing out few more weeks of the baby's developmental stages, but our SW told us that there were similar situation happened in the past, the adopters were not fully aware of future care needs and deferred at the panel as the result, so we appreciate our SW's cautiousness. 
So our matching panel which was originally planned for early December is now delayed to early Jan, then we are hoping to start intro mid Jan and she'll come to our home by end Jan!
Meanwhile, I'm finishing off sewing bunting this weekend and more craft items to finish off over Christmas!

So many new people and lots of lovely news of progress here! I hope all goes well to every one of you at different stages of adoption process!     xxxxxxx


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## Darmum

Surprise, surprise. There's another week of delay...  
Our LO will be nearly full one month older than originally planned.
I feel as if we are chasing a carrot on a stick round and round...


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## butterfly15

Evening All,

Sorry I haven't been on we have been away at our friends place in Scotland, same place we got married, it was a lovevly weekend but before we went I had my one to one with our social worker, it was like a therapy session, all about my childhood and past situations I have dealt with.  Took two hours but glad its done now.  Panel date is hopefully 24th March!!!!!!  Only three months to go!!!!

How are you all getting on?  I know things will slow down over christmas, we haven't got another meeting now until beginning of January when it continues.  

Hang in there Darmum, she will be with you soon enough, it will all be worth it.  I love your positive vibe, it always helps to get us through those tough delays that's for sure!!! 

xxx


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## Darmum

Hi Butterfly, 

Lovely to hear from you again! Excited to hear that you got your panel date and glad that you enjoyed your one-to-one session! That reminded me of our journey to get here and now I was feeling like we are not going anywhere, but actually, things are definitely moving forward! Thank you so much for your kind words, yes, it's only another week of delay, and eventually she'll be ours, so I'll try to be positive! 
We received the final copy of Matching Report and signed off! There is a new photo of our LO as well and she looks so cute, healthy and happy in it! Her happy smile made me feel happy again! I've been squeaking non-stop since we received the report and my DH seems to be fed up with me!  I cannot wait to meet her in the New Year!!!  

3 months from now until your panel will fly really quick, so enjoy the things you won't be able to do once you become a mum. I went for a full body massage to pamper myself recently and I recommend it!!! 
Tomorrow is the last day of my volunteering. Sad and relieved at the same time... mixed feeling!!! 
  Xxxxxxxxxxx


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## butterfly15

Hi Darmum,

Thank you for your lovely words.  Your LO will be with you soon enough, I am so excited for you.

Just think how fast the past three months have gone, in three months time I will be at panel and you will be a family!!

Wishing you and everyone else on here a very Merry Christmas and all the best for what will hopefully be a fantastic 2017 for all of us.

xxxxxxxxxx


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## Darmum

Butterfly,
Have a lovely Chrismas to you, too!

I got a phone call from our SW and found that our panel has delayed for a week but intro and placement date won't be (if the panel didn't defer us... fingers crossed!), so our LO would still come to us just before February! Hooray!  
Finished work for the year yesterday and now I'm busy wrapping presents!

Have a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

Best wishes,
Darmum    xxxxx


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## poppy05

Happy new year all


Just a quick post to let you know that our little pink was born on thurs, and we bought her home fri, we have been with her since she was 7 hours old! she is beautiful and amazing, words cant describe the love i have for her already, hope the next few weeks go quick and the F2A switches to adoption quickly.


love poppy and little poppy xxx


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## Dawn86

Amazing! So pleased for you. Congratulations and enjoy every minute xx


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## butterfly15

Awww Poppy congratulations!!!!!!  Fingers crossed for you and your little one stays with you now forever!!!  Keep up posted, what a lovely new year for you!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!! xxxx


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## Perkins2

Congratulations Poppy & Poppy's DW. Lovely news!! What a lovely way to start the New Year xx


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## tinkytoes

Awesome news!  Just shed a tear.  Just lovely Poppy, well done   

We are heading to panel on the 6th March.  

fingers and toes crossed for everyone this year!

x


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## Darmum

Happy New Year, everyone!

Poppy! Awwww! That's amazing news! How is your new life as a mum
I hope everything goes well with F2A to adopting your little princess!    

Tinkytoes, lovely to hear that you are getting close to your panel! 
It's not as scary thing as you might be thinking (or I was thinking!), so relax and just be yourself!
We had our matching panel earlier this week and most of the panel members were the same as our approval panel, so it was a lot more relaxing atmosphere! - and yes, we've got unanimous YES and our matching has been recommended by the panel! 

I've finished work today for my adoption leave! 
I'm finally meeting our LO next week and even going to swim with her during the intro as well!  
I cannot believe that it's actually happening!!! 

Hope the year of 2017 is a very good year for all of you lovely adopters!     xxxxxxxx


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## Thepinklady

Darmum delighted to read that you are ready to go. Can't wait to hear how things are going along for you guys. Enjoy your last weekend of freedom.


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## butterfly15

Hi All,

Poppy how are things going??

Oh Darmum congratulations that's wonderful news!!!  Enjoy your first swim together, the first of many I'm sure and let me know how it goes.

We are not too far behind you tinkytoes, we are heading for panel on 24th March!!  Eeeek!

As for us, we are half way through our meetings now and the last one was quite intense but we did it.  I have also started volunteering at Rainbows once a week and have no idea why I haven't done it sooner, what a wonderful experience it was!  Looking forward to each week!

Take care everyone speak to you all again soon! xxx


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## jend0906

Sorry for the delay in posting but things have been crazy busy here.

Poppy - huge congratulations, amazing news!! How are getting on with little one at home?

Darmum - glad things are moving along for you too. Must be lovely to have finished work! 

Tinkytoes - panel will be here before you know it! 

Butterfly - Ooh march for you too! Not too long to go!

AFM - I've been feeling frustrated as I've had no real contact with SW (it's a new one as mine left) since panel so I requested a meeting with her this week. I got a call from her this morning with details of a potential match!! 6 month old pink!!! I've read the cpr and nothing major that would give me a reason to say no so will discuss it with SW on Thursday and go from there.


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## butterfly15

Oh wow Jend that's fantastic news!!!!  Are you doing foster to adopt or straight to adoption?  Our social workers says there are no babies out there but we don't know if we believe her or whether they want is to take an older child.  Our preference is under 2 but she has advised us to go 4 and under!!  

Another question, were any of you told to start using contraception??

xx


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## loudlikelove

Hi butterfly15

When we have spoken to adoption agencies, they informed us that we would need to start using contraception if we weren't once the adoption process started.


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## jend0906

Butterfly - this particular potential match is straight adoption but I have been approved for both options. I was told at the start too that there were very few babies but I said right from the start that I preferred under 2 and have been approved for 0-2 years. Two other couples from my prep group have been matched too, one with a 4 month old foster to adopt and the other a 14 month old adoption. So I guess there are babies out there but not as many as older children. I think with foster to adopt, they tend to be younger too as they're are placed with the potential adopters as early as possible, even though as a foster placement initially.

As for contraception, I'm adopting as a single parent so no need to worry about that! But I didn't know they told people that!!

My SW is due here in the next half hour so will update later


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## butterfly15

Hi All,

Sorry for the delay in replying and thank you for your replies  

Jend, how did it go with the SW??

xx


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## MrsD87

Hi everyone,
Im Laura and I have just come across this wonderful forum. My husband and I began our adoption journey in June last year and are now preparing for our approval panel in March. Its all very exciting and scary. What are your experiences of panel? I hope that I manage to hold it together!


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## butterfly15

Welcome MrsD87!!  We are panel in March too, hopefully 24th, when is yours?  

We started the process last February but had to take a 6 month break between stage one and stage two due to a change in my job.  I haven't thought about panel yet, I am taking it a session at a time, but I am sure I will be really nervous on the day.  I think I am more nervous about meeting our child for the first time!


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## jend0906

Sorry I've been AWOL for a while, it's been rather busy here!!

Mrs D - welcome! I was so nervous going to panel but they were so lovely!! The chair person came out at the start to introduce herself and tell me what would happen. She also gave me the questions they would ask so that I had a few minutes to think about them. I then went in and they were all just lovely. You are then asked to leave while they discuss and make the decision, the chair then came out with a unanimous yes! Honestly it's so relaxed. Yours will be here in no time.

Ok so here is the lengthy update. SW came and I decided to go ahead with the match. I met with the little one's SW too and he was desperate for her to be placed with me. We were due to go to matching panel on 9th Feb but the adoption medical didn't come through in time and I couldn't go to panel without seeing it and meeting with the doctor.

So we decided to go down the foster to adopt route in the meantime and baby girl came home on Monday 13th Feb!!!! 

We now have the medical report and awaiting an appointment to meet medical advisor and hoping to get to panel end of March/early April. However, I have to wait 10 weeks to apply to court for the adoption order and that starts once baby moves in, so the benefit of doing it this way (besides her coming home earlier than expected) is that by the time we get to panel, it will almost be time to apply to court


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## butterfly15

Oh my god Jend that's amazing news!!!  Congratulations!!!  I am so pleased for you, how old is she??  You must be so pleased, but it all happened so quick were you prepared?  Did you have everything?  We are expecting a long wait after panel on 24th March but I have heard of a few people on here that have been matched straightaway or even before panel!!  So who knows?

xxx


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## jend0906

Thanks Butterfly! It's certainly been a bit of a whirlwind but an amazing one! She is 8 months   
Luckily I was prepared, the nursery was done once i'd been approved. As I was approved for foster to adopt too I thought it was best to be prepared! And then my family threw me a lovely baby shower the day before she came home so she was so spoilt. Two other couples from my prep days were also matched quickly and have their little ones home now. So a 3 month wait is not bad at all!!


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## butterfly15

Hi Jend, how are things going??  Just wanted to catch up with you.  Good to know you and two other couples were matched quickly, we go to panel on 24th March and I have prepared myself for a 6 month wait at least, we will see how it goes.  How lovely they arranged a baby shower for you, I arranged one for my friend last weekend she is having an IVF baby next week, long road of miscarriages, ectopic, IVF over a 6 year period so we are all very excited to meet him now, my sister said she is going to throw me a baby shower whether I want one or not which is nice.  

Let me know how you are getting on xxx


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## jend0906

It's been a while since I posted as life has been pretty busy since LO came home!! But life is absolutely amazing and we have bonded so well already.
We were finally at matching panel yesterday. LO came with me and happily sat on my knee looking at everyone and smiling and playing etc. 
We got a unanimous YES from panel and some amazing comments about how perfect we are as a match.
Hopefully court application will be in soon.

Butterfly - sorry I didn't reply sooner! How did your panel go?

How is everyone else getting on?


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## Cars

Hi All, 

I hope you don't mind but I would love some company on this journey!  My OH and I have been on the adoption journey for almost 7 years, it's a long story but we had a miracle birth child almost 6 years ago. We started the adoption process 18 months ago again in a pursuit to complete our family. We have just been matched with a six month old baby girl but unfortunately there has been legal complications so we are unsure when we are going to bring her home, the next month is going to be difficult and I hoped that being on here might help get me through it! Happy to share my experiences about adopting in Scotland xx


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