# New to the forum and 44



## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Hi,
I'm 44 and have recently started off on the process. I have had my first consultation and an AMH test and I still have a Hy cosy test to come later this month. I had a blood test at the doctors that said I was still ovulating and that's all I know right now. I am already starting to feel overwhelmed with information and questions. I sort of think that I am probably too old so filled with a lot of self doubts and negativity. I read the statistics for IVF at the clinic I am going to and it says 0 births from IVF from own eggs which seems to be the case at many clinics so wonder if I need to go straight to egg donor? Trouble is it seems ages between each stage and I feel like time is running out. I am having to pay for any treatment from now on and my next consultation is ages away. I just want it to speed up so that I know what direction I am going in. Just wondered if anyone of my age has any advice for how to speed things up etc. Not even sure of all the questions I should be asking at this second consultation.
Thank you......


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Ok, just braved it and rang the clinic for my AMH result which was 3.10, really low. Does anyone have any advice because I realise this means that I have low ovarian fertlity function but not sure what options I still might have available.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

you have to decide what is important to you because it's not an obvious 'yes/no' thing with regard to creating a family - some people want to move quickly to donor eggs because their chances are higher and they might get their family sooner.. other people (like me) want their 'own egg' baby and will carry on trying for that as long as possible. You can't listen to statistics you have to trust your own feelings as to whether you want to try IVF/ICSI with your own eggs if you can, or not. If speed is the issue maybe donor eggs is the answer... but you can't go down that route unless you're sure. 
as to timing I went in January last year to a private clinic it was april before I had treatment (started end march really) and mid-may it was all over...I wasn't allowed to try again until the end of august, that treatment was 'successful' in that I got pregnant in October.. miscarried in dec.. went back to clinic in march I think, now may and looking to cycle again at the end of the month if I have any eggs left, scan next week will tell me.. (eek!).
What i'm saying is, i'm now approaching 43 (rapidly) and we've paid for 2 private cycles and then hopefully a third... i'm no closer really to having a family. Part of me wonders if, had I gone for donor eggs last January... well I could have been pregnant by the march, (maybe?) and already have a child now.. 
there isn't a right or wrong you just have to square it with yourself. It's scary knowing I could be 50 before my child starts school.. (if I get one). Time seems to fly past.
If your clinic will let you try IVF and you want to, then I think it's worth a shot, at least you will find out how you respond to the drugs etc. But that's just me, you might have other priorities. 
     massive good luck hug anyway, hope you get your family.


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

There are two women on the 40's long term chatters thread Justineb and HMB that had success at 44 and 45 with own eggs. They both went to Serum in Athens. 
xxA


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## suemac38 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi angel11


As you will see from my signature I am the same age as you and as the others have said it is a very personal thing.
My situation was amh was low and not many follicles about so low egg reserve. My clinic gave me the option of natural IVF so I did not put myself under too much pressure with the drugs as I would only get a few eggs with normal IVF anyway and would cost lots less. They told me under 5% chance with my OE and over 60% with donor eggs.


We looked at this very simply we have fostered and my husband has half brothers and sisters and even foster siblings that we do not look at any differently and if it was not for the tough path you follow and all the red tape we would adopt so we just look at it as adopting an egg that needs parents   


Not everyone can look at it in this way I understand at we are all different. I feel this is the right time to get a sibling for my son and will do anything to try achieve that goal.


In your own heart you will find the answer for you.


Best of luck on your journey


Sue xxx


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Thank you all for your answers. I have recovered a little bit from my low reading now and can't wait for my consultation in a few weeks to see what my options are. Hopefully, I still have some options and maybe donor egg is the way to go. We also considered adoption Suemac38 and have decided against it for the same reasons as you so we feel pretty much the same as you about the donor egg. At this stage I have no idea how that works, cost or timescales but I suppose I have lots of time to research it before my consultation. I suspect I might be looking for another clinic if I choose that option as I couldn't seem to find a lot of information on the website about donor eggs for my clinic.


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## suemac38 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Angel11

Here is a link to lots of things about donor eggs etc some of it is a little out of date but if you scroll through there will be a bit more up to date things. The waiting time is not as bad any more I don't think.

I am with City Fertility in London and they work with an Agency called Altrui that I am no registered with and year are now busy looking for a donor for me. Fingers crossed wont take to long.

What clinic you with?

Here is the link - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=256679.0
[/size]
[/size]Sue xx


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Thanks Sue, I will have a read. I am with Centre for Reproductive Medicine, Coventry. We just went where the doctor referred us and the first few tests were free etc. I am paying for this next consultation though so we will see how that goes and maybe look around at others. Going by their stats they don't seem to have much success with my age group but not sure I am reading the stats right so we will see......
Thanks again.


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## Millie70 (Jul 28, 2012)

hi angel, I am also with the Centre for Reproduction at Coventry.  we are just about to start a DE cycle in the next couple of weeks. I am 43 and started out on this process 18 months ago although we did slow it down a bit by getting married last year so have been saving up for this cycle.  It's taken me a while to come to terms with my low AMH of 0.07 as at Dec 2011 and the docs told me last year I was in menopause. The clinic says our success rate is 62% against 1% with my own eggs. As we are paying I didn't want to pay out that much for what seemed like no chance at all.  I keep hoping that up until we start it might still happen naturally! As for timescales once we decided on the DE route it hasn't taken that long and there doesn't seem to be a waiting list as such at Coventry, we had to go through counselling and then they offered us a match.  the cost of the cycle is £6250 including the drugs. They will only put in one embryo though and will freeze the others, if we want to try again with frozen it costs £750 next time. xx


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## lulu26 (Mar 2, 2013)

Hi Angel. Like you, I am 44. I went for a consultation in February, not long after my birthday. Fortunately at my clinic you don't need to wait long for a consultation. I have low AMH (lower than yours) and fairly high FSH so was advised about Natural Cycle IVF (explained earlier in the thread I think) which means hardly any drugs and the ability to cycle again fairly quickly if a cycle fails. It is also slightly cheaper than stimulated IVF. I have been taking DHEA which is meant to improve egg quality and the usual pregnacare and royal jelly and trying to be healthy. And I've had a few acupuncture sessions but I'm not sure what I feel about them at the moment. We were not allowed to cycle in March because my FSH was too high but were given the go ahead in April when it had dropped again. Our one egg fertilised and we had a top quality 7-cell embryo transferred at day 3. Unfortunately I didn't become pregnant but my consultant has said that the cycle itself was very positive and she is not ruling out the chances of my becoming pregnant if we cycle again which we could do in June if my FSH plays ball. So yes, time does pass quickly, I could be fooling myself, the clinic could be stinging me for the cash (though I don't think this is the case as their stats are very important to them) and there is no guarantee that natural cycle IVF will work for me. But I just wanted to share my experience, as I am keen to give my body the best chance I can until I reach what I feel to be the cut off point (physically, financially and emotionally) for my own eggs. I haven't been able to think seriously about DE yet - I'm not sure quite what's stopping me but something is. I wish the best of luck and will be interested to hear what you decide and how you get on. x


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## dizzy_blonde_2 (May 6, 2013)

Hi Angel,

We're waiting for our donor match now.

I had surgery in Feb this year and it was found then that I had fertility issues.  We were advised then to go straight to DE IVF due to my age.

We thought about adoption, but decided it wasn't for us, its a long and tough process and I had the usual 'but it won't be my child' reaction.  Then I stopped and thought about t and realised that all i really wanted to have my DH's children, and they would be, and that it's only one cell out of billions!!!! 

When we had our initial consult, we were given a less than 5% chance of success using my own eggs, but as the success rate is driven by the age of the donor, it could be as high as 60%  So even if our donor is 36, which is the upper age limit for donation, with the other procedures we've chosen, we still have a 50% chance of success.....and higher if the donor is younger  for us, it was a no brainer 

We were also hampered by cost. I know this process shouldn't be driven by money, but sadly its a major part of the decisions that have to be made   We decided we could realistically afford one exclusive DE cycle, and hopefully getting all the donors eggs will give us a better chance of some embryos left over to freeze for a couple more tries if needed.  This all worked out cheaper than 2 shared cycles and our consultant agreed that, in our situation, he would probably do the same!! 

We decided that as the odds are stacked against us using my eggs, we'd not even go there!! If you were betting on me in the Grand National, I'd be a rank outsider and you'd never part with your money 

I hope that you can come to a decision soon, it can all be so overwhelming at the start. Donor eggs are not for everyone, and you may well succeed with OE, there are ladies on here who have and all of us older (hate that word!) should be encouraged by that  

Hopefully our story, and all the others on this thread have helped you get things a little clearer in your head, I really do wish you the best of luck whichever route you choose to take 

Dizzy xxx


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Thank you so much for all the replies it has been really helpful. 
I had the Hy Cosy test thing this week and he "thought" my tubes were blocked and has advised going straight to IVF. I have my consultation on 11th June with the same doctor. When I had my test the other day he just briefly ran through the IVF process and i mentioned donor eggs to increase my chances and he said it would be a shame not to try your own first but that we would talk about it more at our consultation. I think in summary I want as high chance as possible with as few tries as possible so looks like donor eggs is the way to go for me. Cost is an issue as well and I have to say I am a bit confused with the pricing. I am sure he will explain it in more detail but if for example it is £x,000for each try is it that much each and every try even if you use frozen eggs on consecutive tries?? I presume the exclusive donor idea is better but more expensive?


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

if you have IVF (privately) there are several separate costs.
- there will be a base cost for the treatment including the main things you need, eg, main blood tests, nursing staff time, scans, them planning your protocol, egg collection etc. your clinic will be able to quote you this figure
- then there will be a drug cost - this varies depending on the strength of drugs you need and the protocol you are using and where the drugs are sourced from, some clinics will give you a prescription you can choose to get filled either with them or elsewhere if you are able to find the drugs cheaper. 
- there will be separate costs for things like extra consultant time or extra blood tests or extra scans, or topping up drugs if you run out - these costs may not occur but you ought to have a bit of backup fund in case they do. For example i needed extra buserelin on one cycle, think it added something like £20-40 to the overall bill. 
- Then there are the hidden costs for example some people need a hotel room to stay close to their clinic on egg collection day/transfer, and there are obviously things like transport costs to get to scans etc..cost of vitamins, stuff like that. 

as if that weren't enough - there are also costs for 
immune testing if you require it (big numbers!)
sperm/egg/embryo storage if these are required. i think it's about £500 or something to store embryos for 3 years. 

I don't know directly the costs of donor egg/frozen cycles but you can think about them in a similar way ie, there will be a base treatment cost, plus drugs (obviously not stimming drugs so cheaper than a natural cycle but still ) etc.


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## dizzy_blonde_2 (May 6, 2013)

Hi Angel,

I was confused about costs and had done a rough calculation based on the clinics price list before we went for our first consult. Went there thinking we were never going to be able to afford it.  

At that appointment the consultant explained the costs and we were surprised to see it was less than what we thought.  

First cost is the £450 HFEA / clinics registration fee, but if you don't use DE, then you don't pay this. The biggest cost for us is the DE IVF itself, and that includes all the costs to get your donor to EC and you to ET.  That includes the price of the donor drugs and he quoted £400-£600 for my drugs, which was a lot less than we thought.  

On top of that, there is the cost of ICSI, which we need due to DH motility issues, and we've chosen to use the Embryoscope extended culture technique available at Care and Embryoglue at ET. That has added about £1,900 to the total bill.

It soon adds up! We honestly thought that we would get one go at this and then that would be it, but the consultant explained that if you have got frozen embies! Then the cost of a cycle is greatly reduced. He estimated around £1500 if drugs are needed, but if we try with my natural cycle, then it's only around £1000!  

At that point we realised that if necessary, a 2nd or 3rd attempt was possible for us if we had the frozen embies! 

So we decided that the extra cost upfront for exclusive donation would give us more eggs to start with, and a better chance of getting to the freezing stage, and the £500 to freeze was not much to pay if we then got the extra chances!!

We've borrowed the money to pay for the initial cycle, and a little extra for unplanned costs as Goldbunny mentions, we just didn't have that much in savings, but even with that, we could still save enough for the frozen transfers if needed. 

I'm sure your consultant will explain things much more clearly at your next appointment   If it were me, I'd ask for a breakdown of fees, based on OE, shared DE cycle and exclusive DE cycles. If you were getting a builder for a new kitchen, you'd get written quotes so you know where you are!! Why should this be different?   I like to know what I'm getting for my money, and Care have a computer program that can print out costs of each based on your own circumstances, I'm sure your clinic will do something similar for you.

Another tip I got from this site is, take a notebook!! There's a lot of facts and figures thrown around and remembering everything is almost impossible!! 

And my other tip would be to keep posting on FF! It's a fabulous supportive community, and even if you think you've got a daft question, someone will answer it for you! There's a couple of ladies on here  I already feel quite close too, similar ages, similar treatment plans, and it's great knowing that there is always someone on here who knows exactly how you are feeling 

Sending you lots of luck for your consultation and I really do hope you reach your goal

   
Dizzy xx xx


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Well we had our consultation and he explained IVF using own eggs in detail, gave us the prices and told us it was a 5% chance. He booked us an appointment for an infomation session with the nurse to start the process. We wanted to weigh up all the options so asked about donor egg statistics and prices etc. but that needs to be with another consultant who we can't see until the middle of July. I really thought we would have all the options today to help us make a decision. Now we can't decide what to do because if we book the donor egg consultant appointment we can't keep the information appointment for own egg IVF. As time is not on our side it would have been good to keep our options open until we could see the donor egg consultant. Also, I can't tell from the price list if they offer an exclusive donor option so I assume we would have to wait for the appointment in July to ask that.
Arghhhh, can't decide what way to go but so wanted all the information today in order to start down a pathway.
Thank you for listening.....


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

'can't keep the appointment' does that mean they won't let you ? that doesn't make sense I would say if you can angel just go to the own egg information session anyway, if you later on find donor eggs is for you you can just change your mind. To be fair any time pressure is related to own eggs since 'donor eggs' aren't getting older.. you have more time to go down that route than your own.


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## Angel11 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Goldbunny,
They won't let us keep both appointments and the wait for the donor egg consultant is a month away whenever we book it. If we keep the info session for own eggs we can't book the donor one. I am a bit disappointed really because really wanted all options before we chose a route. If we attend the info session with the nurse I think that is sort of commitment time because he said they would give you the drugs regimes etc. and then you can start whenever we want. I have spoken to a different clinic who I am hoping seem to have a bit more of a rounded approach and they said we would get a 2 hour meeting with the donor egg team but would be able to discuss both options. So, think we are changing to them but can't get an appointment with them until 3rd week in July. I didn't really agree with the "well you have a 5% chance so give it a go before you move on to any other options". Still so confused about which option to take but for 5% chance seems a bit unlikely and all that time and money on an outside chance. There again, we won't know until we try.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it really is a decision you can only make for yourself because there are so many things in the picture and 'what is more important' is a very personal thing. it is an 'outside chance' - for me I wanted to do own eggs, I did two icsi cycles and got pregnant from one of them despite the 5% idea being floated...i'm trying again, but resenting the time it is taking. My DH is a lot younger than yours (looking at your sig) and I have no idea whether that forms an influence on the decision...in terms of how long you can spare 'trying'. then again, age is only a number... really hope you get a clinic that can give you all the information you need quickly so you can get on with whichever route is best for you. I set myself a limit of three fresh tries though I said that if we had no new information after two I would stop after that. Because we DID have new information, i'm trying again... but really I ought to stop after this, if this fresh cycle doesn't work it ought to be try a FET and then move to DE if that seems sensible at the time. But, I will be nearly 44 (nearly 43 now) so the decision whether to move on or not will be tough if I find myself in that situation. Meanwhile, life moves on without me! if I had used DE on my first cycle who knows I might have had a 6 month old baby in my arms by now. But for me, I didn't want to resent it for being the reason I didn't try OE... 
I wonder when I look back at all this in 5 years time, what I will think was 'important'.


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## Barbaratje (Nov 14, 2012)

Hi Angel,
As all the ladies here have already said it is a very personal decision. It is really difficult to make but sometimes it makes itself and you kind of slide into it and it all works out ;-) certainly hope it works out for you and wether OE or DE you will love your little baby regardless.

I just wanted to comment on your current clinic. In my opinion any doctor who advises a woman past 44 years old with low amh to 'try with her own eggs because it would be a shame not to' is not really someone to be trusted. Ask him point blank how many IVF pregnancies he has seen at 44. I am not saying you dont stand a chance, I am just saying a serious doctor will make you fight for it because it costs a lot of money and is mentally very difficult and 5% is really best case. Also this whole business of having to choose between own egg and donor before having all the facts seems very strange. In all honesty, it sounds to me like this clinic has a shortage of donor eggs and are pushing you down the own egg route. He does not sound like he is really listening to you.

So maybe not a bad idea to wait a couple of weeks to talk to the new clinic. Interesting to see what they say. Good luck.
Cheers,
B


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## suemac38 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi all


Sorry this is just a me post to update you all. Will catch up properly later. 




Sorry of not being about life just took over! We have just had a lovely holiday in Tunisia which was fantastic and was much needed after the year we had last year with loosing my dad and uncle suddenly.




Anyway we have came back down to earth with a huge bump  my husbands gran was rushed to hospital and she is gone down to 4.5 stone and they ave discovered cancer everywhere. So unsure how long she as left. His uncle has had a stroke and my sisters partners dad has a bleed on the brain! Crazy stuff.




All this has kinda made me feel selfish about our plans but I am excited Alison at Altrui has found us a fantastic match......yippee  she has her first appointment on 9th July and hopefully et on 12th to 15th August. How exciting is that.




Sorry again for me post but thought I would update.




Hope you are all doing ok.




Sue xxx


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## Barbaratje (Nov 14, 2012)

Hey Sue,
So sorry to hear about life getting in the way of TTCing. Sounds like your rellies al synchronously went into a health meltdown. Hope that all truns put for the best. 

Anyway, absolutely thrilled to hear you found a donor via Altrui. Hope to see you get knocked up soon lol. 
Good luck,
B


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