# What did your LO/s bring with them?



## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

Just trying to get a list together of what we will have to buy and trying to work out a budget. No we don't have a match yet and no idea of what age group etc we will be matched with. I'm wondering what sort of items came with the child/ren from the foster carers i.e. toys etc


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi bubba came home with a few toys and a holdall fall of clothes. We were given bedding and cot bumpers. I have heard of people coming home with cars fall of stuff for several days and then the other end of just a carrier bag! I know its easier said than done but try not to go crazy just aim for enough to get through first few days. Its so easy to pop to supermarkets  or shop online. We were brought so much as well by family and friends. 

Good luck x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

it varies so much...we really only had to buy/'obtain' the big stuff like cot, pushchair and car seat..the kids came with masses of clothes and toys luckily. i know other people find their FC's much less generous though and dont really bring anything much of use with them  
we were really lucky as we were the last of our friends to have children so everyone was happy to pass on all their stuff to us so we hardly bought anything. if you are on a tight budget dont forget about freecycle..people give away tons of baby stuff on there..


kj x


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## bambos (Dec 17, 2012)

Our dd & ds were so lucky & we had three car loads of things to bring home. We were given everything from bedding & towels to a picnic for the journey home! We have a really good rapport with fc so were very lucky.


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

With our first, the fc were great, we were given highchair, travel cot, so many clothes etc, even his toilettries    We of course wanted to go out and buy him everything new but for ds it was important to keep as much the same as we could so we accepted everything with much gratitude. 

With our second, the fc were completely different and when we asked what our dd would be coming home with we were quickly told that all her items (highchair, cups, crockery etc) were fc's not dd's    So all she came home with was her clothes (very few) and 1 box of toys, not even a toothbrush or bottle came with her. It was heartbreaking to see such heartlessness from the person who had 'cared' for her since birth.


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

wynnster said:


> With our first, the fc were great, we were given highchair, travel cot, so many clothes etc, even his toilettries  We of course wanted to go out and buy him everything new but for ds it was important to keep as much the same as we could so we accepted everything with much gratitude.
> 
> With our second, the fc were completely different and when we asked what our dd would be coming home with we were quickly told that all her items (highchair, cups, crockery etc) were fc's not dd's  So all she came home with was her clothes (very few) and 1 box of toys, not even a toothbrush or bottle came with her. It was heartbreaking to see such heartlessness from the person who had 'cared' for her since birth.


Wynster that is so sad. It sounds very mean of the fc. Even without a toothbrush! Surely that didn't belong to fc!!! I guess it varies depending on the fc and whether or not they feel items belong to the child and not them.

Money isn't necessarily tight we just like to have a budget for items esp as I am hoping to leave work so we will be a salary down.


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## galaxy girl (Feb 12, 2008)

I wanted to buy loads for ours .... But when I spoke to fc s realised that they would bring so much with them . Especially eldest ( they were in different f.C Placements). Eldest had every toy imaginable! All we had to get in the end was a cot and bed and a high chair. Eldest came wih his own car seat . It was fun to decorate the rooms.. You def need to know ages and gender though! They also prepared memory boxes for the boys. They had lovely foster carers. My first trip after matching panel to the shops was very special . Bought a lovely blanket and sleeping bag for buttons. It will be you soon!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Our experience was very similar to Wynn's 2nd time  

We didn't bank on anything but were surprised even so as again, like Wynn, our lo was with her since birth, so it was unbelievable that she didn't want him to have more familiar things around him to help him feel secure  .

Our lo's fc asked us to lend her a little suitcase so she could pack some clothes for him, but when we got them home most were way too small, most were dirty and the ones that did fit were so worn and bobbly that although we kept a few for him we didn't really use much. It was just as though she had thrown in whatever she didn't want with very little thought.
He came with one little cheap toy, and oh yes, I remember quite clearly her saying that we were welcome to take one of his dummies with us  , very generous thank you  !

It didn't bother us so much at the time but a little while later when we thought about it, if we were little man's fc and were preparing for him to move on to his adoptive parents he would have so many things that he was fond of and familiar with that there was no way on earth that they wouldn't stay with him! (that is even not long after he had moved in with us!).
She had also let slip that some of the toys he had at hers were early Birthday presents for him from her friends and family, and those didn't even come with him!  (obviously kept for future children to save money). Our sw's were a bit annoyed as they made the point that a percentage of her pay was an allowance for little man's bits and bobs so they weren't best pleased to say the least!  

As I say we weren't bothered about it at the time as we had prepared as if that would be the case but we just felt so sad for him  .

Anj x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Saddens me to read about some fc's who give us others a bad name 

All children leave with everything that is theirs, even buy suitcases for them for it all as often what little things they do arrive with are in a black bin bag  
I can't understand why they wouldn't want the little ones to have everything familiar to them. 

X


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## galaxy girl (Feb 12, 2008)

Totally agree suze. Was just thinking about the 2 we short term fostered for 4 months .the Time did stretch over Christmas and both their birthdays . They came with a small bag between them from home and ended with 4 car loads when they moved on!!!! After 4 months!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Suzie and galaxy girl,  

I like to think that our experience and others similar to ours aren't the norm as I do know many others who's lo's have had wonderful fc's such as you  .
Even in our case (and our fc did made our intros very difficult) I still have a lot of respect for her and all fc's as I think what you do is incredible.  
However rewarding and worthwhile, it must also be so very hard and a 'double edged sword' when lo's move on to their forever families. 

In our case I know our fc was given extra guidance, training and support following our little man's placement with us (for many reasons) and as she has since gone on to have further foster children I'd imagine she is now more experienced and therefore handling things with the best interest of the children in mind. 
I think going back to the original issue regarding nothing coming with our lo, I think in hindsight that maybe she found the whole experience so hard and was so emotionally affected by little man moving on that by not even thinking about what should go with him was all part of her self defence mechanism kicking in.
I'd like to think so anyway rather that it being for monetary reasons  .  

All that said, I think if it were me I'd be the the complete opposite in how I would deal with it and send the whole world with him hoping that in some way it would help to make sure he felt secure in his new home  !  

Anj x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Anj i totally agree. Our fc were clearing the house out of bubbas stuff they said they had tried keeping clothes and stuff for the next one but just reminded them of the child they were originally  brought for so since that everything goes. They had kept a few bits from her bm as well. Nearly all her clothes were new as she just gone into the next size but came in new holdall.
It must be so hard and i totally respect people that foster. X


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

I do think most fc's are considerate of the children and do prepare them for their move, thankyou Galaxy and Suzie    and all the other wonderful fc's that are out there, the bad ones do give you a bad name though lets hope they are few and far between.

I asked dd's fc (on her visit 2 months after dd had moved in) how she and her family had been since dd had left and how her children were handling it...... she screwed up her face and said 'Is it bad if I say they're not missing her, we've done it so many times now that its just another child moving on'    

We haven't heard a thing from her since, but on a positive ds's fc has sent both of our cherubs christmas cards and presents so dd isn't left out   

As for the original question, i'd say prepare for them to come with everything or nothing!  If friends/family are offering you things now then take it and freecycle it if you dont need it later on.  Most authorities also allow for a settling in allowance of a few hundred pounds for safety equipment (car seat etc) so worth asking for that when the time comes. 

xxxxx


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## Doubleprincesstrouble (Jan 28, 2013)

Our two came with four cars full! 
We tried to keep everything the same as much as possible for them. Even got the same bathroom cleaner!  
It really seemed to help for them to have similar toys and cups and plates etc, not to start with but maybe after a few weeks when they started to miss FC
I would have liked to have kept them in the familiar clothes for longer but they both grew out of much of their clothes within the first month, so I have put it all away in boxes for them.


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

What boggles my mind is that some of these FCs seem to be thinking they can reuse the toothbrush or dummy for another baby!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

thespouses said:


> What boggles my mind is that some of these FCs seem to be thinking they can reuse the toothbrush or dummy for another baby!


Yep totally! 
Ours obviously did when she very generously informed us that our lo could bring *one *of his dummies with him  !
Beyond comprehension!


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## Doubleprincesstrouble (Jan 28, 2013)

Our Lo's came with so much stuff but I did get the feeling that the Fc really resented it! 
I don't think she realised it would all move with them,  but their SW put her foot down.


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

thespouses said:


> What boggles my mind is that some of these FCs seem to be thinking they can reuse the toothbrush or dummy for another baby!


Incomprehensible really how anyone thinks that is ok!


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