# New and fed up



## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

Hello everyone, I've been a lurker for ages....but had BFN this morning again and my DH is so fed up of hearing about my CM, CBFM, being asked if my boobs look bigger/different colour/more veiny that I decided that I need somewhere to vent my neurosis without jeopardising my poor marriage!  We're trying for number 1, "naturally" so far (although I'm such a control freak that I've had CBFM since cycle 2, have a detailed diary and do all sorts of weird things just because I can't stand the randomness of it all!).  If anyone had anything new to suggest I'd love it - am going to try grapefruit juice (yuck) and evening primrose oil (expensive!) this time round!

Also, we haven't told anyone at all we're trying - we both go around saying how busy we are with our glittering careers and how we don't think we'll ever have children....and our poor parents look like they're going to cry but are too polite to say anything!  My dad (!) suggested delicately I might be leaving it a bit late (2 and my heart just broke inside at the sight of his face - he never talks about anything that's not strictly practical so he must be feeling the grandparent urge terribly!

On the plus side, amlooking forward to making lots of new fertility friends!

Lils


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## zoooooommmmm (Aug 5, 2009)

Welcome, my advice is get to the doctors as soon as to get every conceivable test and check done. I was 28 once and thought oh yes it'll happen, but it didn't and I left it and kept hoping and praying. When I finally did get to the doctor we discovered male factor problems but then fibroid problems with me too. Clearly I had no idea there was anything wrong with me so it was a bombshell.

Not trying to scare you so please don't think that but my advice is batter down every door you can, deand every test you can. Chances are you'll be ressured there are no problems but best to find out as soon as possible so they can be sorted out if there is anything. Don't end up like me having missed your chance.

Good luck with it all

isaxx


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## NatalieW (Dec 10, 2008)

Hi Lils,

Welcome to FF  You are right that this is the perfect place to vent any neurosis, I have loved having people to share the journey with and having a place to vent outside of the marital home has definately kept my marriage happier 

You don't mention how long you have been trying for? I would highly recommend reading Zita West's book on fertility of you want to try and naturally enhance your chances to conceive (I loved her, I know other people will say she is a bit over the top!). HOwever as Isa says if you have been trying for a while I would go and get some basic fertlity checks for both you and you hubby. We were trying to conceive for over 2 years and I always assumed the problem with me, it was only when we finally decided to go to a fetility clinic we found my DH has an extremely low sperm count and it is highly unlikely I would ever have got pregnant naturally. SO we basically spent 3 years trying to achieve the impossible, and I could have been a slighty younger mum  You will find loads of info on here to help you decide what you want to do (if anything) in the future so good luck 

Natalie x


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## Zoelouise (Mar 10, 2010)

Hi there,

The same thing happened to me, we've been trying for 3 years and because its a male factor thing (discovered after about two years of testing) there was a very small chance of us conceiving naturally (even though we did, sadly not to end well  ) so we are just starting IVF now -scary stuff!!... best of luck and youre in safe hands here I think! It really is a massive journey so best to be one shared!



Zx


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

Wow quick replies!!  I've made a deal with Mr Lily that we'll go and get started in August, which will be 18 months...I had some blood tests and an ultrasound done about a year ago when I came off the Pill and didn't have a period for 6 months....and apparently things were "normal" then, so we just started trying.  I know that doesn't mean I'm ok, or that Mr Lil is, but that was the deal and I will stick to it...doesn't stop me trying stuff though!  I know what you're saying about wasting time (and you aren't scaring me, I have been thinking that for...I don't know...about 9 months now!) but it's a really big deal to me to try and be nice about this now, and 5 months is probably how long it will take to get an appointment at the GP anyway.

I've had a gruesome 2ww, where every little twinge is implantation, and I started testing on Friday with daily BFNs.  I don't know why, it just seems to help as when the early ones are negative I persuade myself they're too early anyway, but it stops me getting too excited so by today (14 DPO) I'm a bit less upset than if i'd saved it all up!

Grrr, this whole thing has turned me into an absolute psychopath!


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## zoooooommmmm (Aug 5, 2009)

Lil do not take no from a doctor ever, lie if necessary and say you've been trying for longer, we were fobbed off by doctors who were like oh just keep trying, don't stress, its unlikely to be male factor etc and now with problems at 38 I have very, very little chance.


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## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

Dear Lilylou,

I think that it is always best to have a plan in place. If by august you have been trying for 18 months, then that is enough time to put the wheels in motion for having a few tests. To be honest once you start down that road the waiting game begins! Please don't give up though as I did conceive my DD naturally after 18 months which was after a miscarriage (maybe I felt more relaxed as we had just started having tests to find out what was wrong - we will never know). However, I have never fallen pregnant naturally since!

Good luck on your journey. And at 28 you are still young!! so don't start panicking yet!

Mary xx


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

lily-oh it does send us all   dont worry...   me and my db r both terribly impatient.... we just r about anything, what we want we try to get straight away, and if somethin needs doing we also both do it straight away... so to have this problem, what we cant do anything about has sent me over the edge   
if poss, arrange a gp appt b4 aug to do a sperm test and they may ask for 2... which need to b a week inbtwn, we have been ttc 30months now, and i have been attending gyne appts for a year, getting tests done, my db had 2 sa's an he got ref to mf consultant(9mths after my 1st appt), i have been on clomid, and at my db clinic he has had 2 more sa's and a scan, (we found out he only has 1 kidney, which means he is missing a tube frm his testicle and that we wont concieve nat as his sperm count frm right isnt good) i waited a yr b4 goin to drs, so they wouldnt tell me to come back... (i did make an appt 6months after ttc to ask about ov and to note we r trying-as i hadnt been on the pill for 2years prior) and the months and weeks btwn my appts has done my head in, and when i get to them it feels like a waste of a journey as it didnt seem to b my prob... what i didnt realise was, if we had done the sperm tests threw the gp... he would have been ref str8 away, and i prob wouldnt hav had to go on waiting for my appts and running btwn 2 hospitals for tests. 
just abit of advice - what i would do differantly, if i knew then what i know now...   

ru on folic acid? and my dr told my db to take vit e, vit c, and zinc (not that they have worked wonders, just means when u go the dr an they say -try vits.... you can say we r already on them   

Hope it doesnt turn in to a long journey for you... but it helps having ppl to chat to, where ru frm? x x


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

You guys are so sweet - I've been really happy all day, should have come here ages ago!

I started folic acid way back when I assumed I'd be pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex - it's really sad, but I look at photos of us then and feel really nostalgic for when we didn't know there was a problem!!  I have to admit that I've been a bit hit an miss recently - it's like a little game I've got with myself!  I think that by taking it I'm tempting fate, and by not I'll get pregnant....don't think that probably makes much sense!  But I think I'll start again this month, feel a bit less nihilistic about it all!  And I still take all the other junk - had robitussin last month which made me sick!! - so I may as well take the folic.  Does it help you get pregnant, or do you just need it for the baby?

Oh, the other thing we did last month was PreSeed - I've never laughed so much in my life, those applicators are revolting, it made sex about as sexy as a smear test!


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

PS I like the idea of lying to the doctor, he was so mean when I went before, just basically said "you've really f**ked yourself up by being on the Pill for so long" which I did NOT find helpful!!!!  And we'll try the vitamins - I bought some sanatogen gold for the mister, will that do?  Don't think I'd get him to take anything that looked like it was to do with fertility!!  He's a bit of an ostrich about it all, thinks if we just relax it will happen.  Now, I've never relaxed about ANYTHING in my whole life, so why he thinks I'd start now I just do not know!!


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

ha ha men... oh yes any vits... im sure that will hav zinc and vit e and c... well i have read that pre seed doesnt kill all sperm but it does kill some, which is why with us havin MF i wouldnt personally use. but some1 did tell me that boots do 1 concieve plus (if im right, it is a lube that doesnt kill any) good luck hun x x


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

I've tried that too......messy!  Sounds like you might be a cheshire girl, I used to live in Knutsford but now in the West mids...the weather's better here!


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

aww did u? thats not far from me...   ur right weather is   here x x


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## NatalieW (Dec 10, 2008)

Hiya,

PLeased that you've found us helpful already. The folic acid doesn't help you get pregnant - it is just really important to take when you are trying to conceive as you need to build up your stores prior to becoming pregnant to protect your baby. 

I took the Zita West supplements and amazingly got my DH to take them aswell after his sperm count came back low. I have a very typical male as a DH and I found it at times really frustrating that he was still drinking, not loosing weight, was a bit haphazzard with his vitamins etc but after lots of reading on here I realised I was just married to a normal man  

Sounds like you have a good plan in place for August and really positive news that your results a year ago were 'normal'. I would start reading up a bit on fertility - ie which tests did you have done, which tests do you need to have done etc as in my experience you cannot rely on your GP advising you completely correctly. Where abouts in the West Mids are you? I live in Birmingham and had my treatment at the womens but also saw a fab private doctor for a one off consultation at St Judes in Wolverhampton.

Natalie x


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## chatterbox44 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hi There

Sounds like you are in the same boat as me. We have been trying for 12 months now and is sooooo sad every month with no joy. We have just got an appointment at the hospital to see what is going on next month (think is bettter to know soooner rather than later if there is a problem) 

Am sure all will be fine with you in the end apparently it can take time but is so difficult all the waiting !!! Why dont you book an app to get things looked into and then you can put your mind at rest.  

x


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

Chatterbox - it's rotten, isn't it?  I had a really bad patch about a month ago - I'd have about 3 days before and 2 after my period started that I literally couldn't think about anything else.  And ******** was a nightmare - babies everywhere!  I was crying to Mr Lily about it, and he suggested we set August as our cut off date and go to get our tests then, and I feel much better now I have a plan!  And I've taken ******** off my phone!  Good luck with your appointment, I'd be really interested to hear what happens!  What tests did you have done first?  My previous tests were at my old GP in Cheshire so don't really even know what they were, but I'd like to make sure that when we do go to GP we have a list of what we want doing.

Natalie - I'm in Edgbaston, so the Women's or the Priory would be perfect for me.  I think I'd probably prefer the Womens - on the website that shows the success rates (HFEA is that right?) it seems a little better and I like that it's a hospital.  And obviously they've done well by you, congratulations!  I'veheard really good things about St Judes but if there's going to be a lot of visits (which I think there will be!!) then I could even go to the Women's in my lunch break I reckon (if parking ok!).  Were they quite efficient?  I hate disorganised things!

Oh, and I've started back on my folic acid!  There's a picture of a pregnant woman on the box which annoys me as she is so smug!


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Lilylou and welcome to Fertility Friends

Firstly i'm sorry i have taken a while in welcoming you to the site, but i've been reading your posts so i will leave you some relevant links 
Please continue to have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ * CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 
(loads of info and interesting topics on relaxation, vits, etc)

*FERTILITY GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

I see you have found the TTC naturally boards! Thats what we like to see, our new members getting 'stuck in' 

When and If you get referred (hope you manage to become pg before!  ) then these questions will come in handy ..
*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

Its not all just serious stuff here, you can also have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


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## amethyst_uk (Dec 15, 2009)

Hi Lilylou

Welcome to FF.  I see that you are finding your way around nicely!  I find it's a really good place to let off steam rather than at my DH getting it when he gets in from work!

I just read your comment about ********.  I find it a nightmare ...babies everywhere; pregnancy announcements, baby photos, scan pictures and status updates such as "I'm pregnant again - oh it's such a shock, we weren't even trying!"  

I always have to remind myself that they don't know my situation, and if it was me who was pregnant would i be any different  Probably not!  I'd turn into the person I've hated for the passed 2 years!!    It doesn't make it any easier though - they should introduce a baby announcement ban along with the panic button! 

Just remember to stay calm and stay positive!  

Am x


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## lilylou (Mar 17, 2010)

The whole fertility thing has made me into a bad, crazy person!! Crikey, and that's with only my own hormones, how I'll cope with treatment I don't know!  I just avoid ** now, Mr L tells me if anything very exciting is happening but to be honest I don't really miss it.  Of course, if I EVER manage this I will post there EVERY SINGLE DAY in revenge!!!


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

Don't leave it any longer. If you have been trying for a year you should be tested.

We tried from when I was 29 in 2000 and we did not actually go and see a doctor because of terrible stressful events until 2005. We thought it must be me as my DH had a DS. My ovulation tests came back perfect - but I could have told them that, because by then I had swathes of graphs and temperature charts showing my ovulation days.

It turned out that my DH had zero sperm - not even ONE!

We felt like we had wasted years when there was absolutely no chance whatsoever. Maybe if we had gone 4 years earlier, when the process in DH's body was going starting, we would have been able to find a few sperm surgically.

Once we were referred to a gynaecologist the waiting began - 2 months to the first appointment when she basically told us we were going to have to use a donor and that sent my DH into a spiral decline of denial and refusal to even consider it.
We were told we could get his hormones tests to see if he had an obstruction and they could extract the little devils directly - 6 months to the results of the hormone tests that showed his FSH was sky high and the chances of finding a sperm were about 0.1%. 

I also had a laparoscopy in the mean time that showed blocked tubes - so even if he had been fertile there was still no way we could have got pregnant - this was a shock. My mum got pregnant with me after a laparoscopic tube wash, so maybe I inherited something, but otherwise I have never put myself at risk of infection and they could not actually find anything visibly wrong with the outside of my tubes - they were just so narrow inside.

Nevertheless my DH, refusing the donor advice - and telling me that if I wanted that I was on my own, we decided to see a urologist - 5 months for that appointment - then 7 months until a surgery was done - anther 3 months to get the results - that showed maturation arrest. The sperm just stop dividing.
Then, he wanted to try again - more surgery another 8 months - still no sperm.

We then had about 8 months of near divorce, counselling etc.

Once he changed his mind and re-evaluated everything, he decided to support me. Trust was difficult and I waited a few months for the dust to settle, before finally trying IVF last July. I got pregnant and was pregnant for 17 weeks, when I lost it. Then I have had to have 3 months to recover, before starting with the frozen embryos.

I am 39 in June - 10 years since we started with temperature charts and I still don't have a baby.
If there is anything you can learn from my experience - it is get in the system as quickly as possible, and do as much privately as you can, as the NHS will eat up your fertile years in no time.


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## NatalieW (Dec 10, 2008)

Hi Lily,

Sorry it has taken me a while to respond!

I live in Selly Oak, so just round the corner. I had my treatment at the womens and it was fine. If you get to the stage of needing a clinic think about what you would like in a clinic and phone clinics to get their success rates. Birmingham womens is a very large and busy clinic - not very personable but all staff were polite and nice etc. St Judes on the other hand was extremely personable and you would see the consultant all the time. Also some private clinics are open 7 days a week so this is also something to consider. I wanted the nearest clinic as work didn't know so I had to squeeze appointments into my working day and I also wanted my other half there as much as possible.  

Check out the Warwickshire part of this site as there is quite a lot of chat there about finding a linic in Birmingham!

Please feel free to ask anything further if it would help!

Good luck

Natalie x


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