# Odd 'problem'



## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Hi all
I have a really strange question that I'm not sure is even a problem and I don't know if I should be worried, but here goes.....!   
DD has been home for a year and she's always done this to me, never DH...  Sometimes, when I've been somewhere (out at work, even away from her for a while like mowing the grass!) she'll want to cuddle me too much ... can I explain (I can't even explain it to myself!)
Last night for example, DH was at work and we were having a nice time watching Cbeebies and talking and I said, "Oooh let's have a cuddle, I missed you today (I'd been to work)" she said, "I missed you too, oooh a cuddle!" and we cuddled then she kind of did an agressive face and gripped me hard (not to hurt, but to get closer) and said "Give me a big cuddle!" and started shaking my neck. Also at bathtime she cuddled and cuddled and got all aggressive and impulsively bit my shoulder, apologised immediately and calmed. It's almost like she loves me and wants to get so close she's angry she can't get closer   Does that make sense.......? I've told her it hurts and we don't hurt people in our family but it's almost like she's got no control... 
She NEVER does it to anyone else; gentle cuddles with grandma and daddy etc. Is it because I'd been at work and it's 'punishment'? She's always pleased to see me and runs to me when I come back. This aggressiveness is always some hours after I've come back, especially if DH is at work (ie if our work overlaps, I'm on earlys and he's on lates... doesn't happen often but when it does she doesn't like it).
As I say she doesn't mean to hurt I don't think and I don't think she's aware when she's in the 'zone' - it's like she almost can't get close enough...... doe sthis make sense....? What does it mean...?
She's not an aggressive child by nature (physically anyway! verbally she err... holds her own!) although we went through a slapping / punching phase when angry but she's not done that for ages...
Is it frustration? 
Sorry for the long disjointed message, it's playing a bit on my mind today (it was the theme of last night and the bite really got to me, she's only ever bitten once before in similar circumstances and that was a deliberate bite, meant to hurt (in the first 2 months of placement).
I think what I'm trying to ask is... should I be worried......?
Thank you JB x


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

My little man is the same. He grabs my face and 'grinds' his forehead into mine as if he is trying to get inside me to be as close as possible!  He is not aggressive either but can be rough when cuddling me as he is trying to get closer but it is physically impossible to do so!

How old is she? My sw said that the little ones will suddenly get a feeling of love - which they may never had before - and not understand what it is. They like it but don't know what it means so maybe this is her way of acting out her love to you as she can't vocalise it properly yet. Does that make sense? 

I am sure there will be someone else who will be able to give advice 

xx


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

Hi Kestra 
Thanks for replying. She's 3.5 and her speech is excellent and she says I Love You to us but I agree, that that's just words, it's the feeling that's new to her...
That really helps, thank you! x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Could you maybe cuddle her inside a jumper, and talk about how nice it is to have a soft cuddle and get really close?


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

That's a good idea. Thank you x


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