# In the same boat! *



## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hi,

I'm new to all this - never done a forum thing before but desperately need to find someone who understands how upsetting not being pregnant is. 

I've been trying for nearly a year now and not even had the slightest hint of a pregnancy until this month when i was 4 days late, but that's it. My husband and i have been using a fertility monitor the whole time so we know a) that I'm ovulating and b) when I'm ovulating.

The thing is all (and i mean all) of our friends on hearing we were having difficulty started trying and every single one of them became pregnant on the first or second attempt. I'm happy for my friends because i would hate for them to have to go through the months of wishing, hoping, waiting and disappointment, I've been through, but it does mean i have no one i can talk to about how upset i am.

The doctor said she won't do anything until I'm 35 (I'm nearly 32) but the thing is i really wanted to have the two babies of my dreams before I'm 35. 

Everyone says we haven't been trying for very long, but to me it feels like forever. It's all I've ever wanted and i don't know how many more BFN's i can take.

Should i try and find a fertility clinic in my area or am i being too premature?

It's not all glum though as i do have two adorable (if a bit manic) 12 week old kittens to help keep my mind off the 2ww.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi kittenmum, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

It is terribly frustrating to find yourself not pregnant month after month when all around you are falling easily. A year doens't sound like long to most people but it seems a lifetime when you are trying. 
I am a bit gobsmacked you doctor won't do anything until you are 35! o: The usual assumption is that, aproximately 90% of couples will conceive within a year of starting to try. If you haven't done so by then, then you see your GP for basic investigations. At most I could understand a 2 year wait before your GP will see you but... I am sorry, asking you to wait until you have "peaked" ferility wise and then, possibly scuppering your chances of qualifying for an NHS IVF should you then need it, and in fact reducing your chances of any IVF working at all...that's not acceptable.  
You need to go back to your GP and tell her that and *DEMAND* referral to a specialist / Gynae. If she still won't support you, ask for a second opinion. If that fails, change GPs to someone who will refer you. If your husband is with a different GP, ask him to get his surgery to refer you if necessary.

I would say hold off on the private clinic until you know what (if anything) is wrong. Try and get as much done on the NHS as you can - they should run all the relevant tests, scans etc. and can at least offer you clomid if necessary before you bring in the big guns. You might also qualify for an NHS cycle (although, the likely wait would be over 2 years so you might end up going private anyway). It will take a while to get all the tests done that you need - probably months even up to a year I would think - but they are very costly via a private clinic and, if you do need IVF, you might need to save your pennies for that.

Here's a few links you might want to look at to start you off:

Starting Out & Diagnosis: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=110.0

Complementary therapies: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=14.0

Prenatal Care: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=20.0

You might also want to look at the location threads and meet people in your area.

We also have a great chatroom (check the index for themed chats). It is often good to talk to people who understand what you are going through. Every Friday Night from 8pm to 9pm is NEWBIE NIGHT Miss TC, Dizzi squirrel or Kamac80 will be in there to help you use the chatroom, answer any questions, etc. If you can't make it on Friday night, just send one of us a personal message and we will meet you in there at a prearranged time for a short "one2one" session to show you the ropes.

For more info on Newbie Night follow the link...http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=85409.0

Do keep in touch and let us know how you get on with your doctor.

Good luck.
C~x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Thanks so much for your response! It means so much to know that some one out there is listening to me.  
I'm going to get my husband to have a word with his GP. I did think it odd that my GP said i had to wait but maybe she was just trying a psychological thing of trying to make me think i didn't have to worry until then.
I will post an update.
Thanks again.


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## baby whisper (Sep 22, 2004)

hi hun i just wanted too say welcome  to ff im sure you will find all the help and support you will need coming hear
good look with everything
love lea-Anne x


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## M.T.B (May 31, 2007)

Hi welcome to FF

i think cas has answered your question brilliantly just wanted to reiterate what she has said.

im 32 and TTC for 3 years but approached my GP after 12months after getting some info from **** booklet about when to see gp. He said that it wasnt a problem he referred us to a clinic but we took the option of going privatley to see a gynae consultant for an opinion and he wrot to gp asking to have bloods etc done and laporoscopy on NHS all of which are clear DH had sperm test that fien too so labelled unexplained fertility.

anyway when we initially went to clinic ssaid was 5 year wait and then my chance would be reduced as nearly 40 so ended up paying privatley for our ist cycle sadly BFN

last week we had letter from clinic saying PCT called us for funded cycle staff at clinic said that due to amounts of complaints to MP's have agreed to get rid of back log now so we very fortunate.

so push for referral and demand to be referred ASAP

good luck.


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## Greeneyed (Apr 12, 2006)

Hi there just wanted to echo what the other girls have said you SHOULD be referred by your GP of you have been trying for a year or more. Initially they will probably conduct day 1-3 and day 21 blood tests to check your hormone levels and they may book you in for a vaginal ultrasound to have a look at your ovaries and tubes. your Partner will then probably be asked to attend for Semen analysis. 

You should change GP if she will not do this. She clearly does not know what she is talking about, it would probably be better to find a more sympathetic GP anyway!! 

Don't be alarmed although most people concieve within the first year, 50% of those that don't will go on to concieve in the second year (I think that's the right stats!) so you may not have to go down the route of treatment but it is definately worth investigatin if there are any problems. 


I am sorry that it is so frustrating honey, I too am in the same boat, whilst our result weren't 100% they are still telling us we should be able to conceive naturally but it just aint happening, most of my mates are moving on to their second babies now and we feel so behind. Everyone here will understand how you feel and you can always come here to offload, to ask any questions or for support. 

Good luck Greeneyed xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi *kittenmum* and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic site full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything

Kate xx​


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Awww! Thank you all so much. It's so helpful to know I'm not alone. I was very worried people would think that as I've only been trying for a year that it wasn't worth talking to me - but you're all so great! I feel better already knowing that I've got you all on my side.  

I've written to my husbands GP asking if he's willing to take me on, if not my husband will see him and we will hopefully get referred that way.

I'm also pleased to read that there are many things that can be done if you have problems conceiving - my GP tells me nothing, i thought the next stage was IVF and i was wondering how on earth we would afford it.

Thanks again and I'll keep you all informed.

Kittenmum 
XXXX


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

Hiya hun,

Welcome to FF, This site is fantastic for support, advice and information.

I would see a different GP if its at all possible? There are 15 docters in my surgery and it took me a while to figure out which ones were willing to help and which ones were'nt. Its usually if you have been ttc less than  a year they wont help you so i cant understand why she said wait  

Good luck hun and let us know how you get on

Huggles
Nikki xx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi Kittenmum

welcome to FF, you'll find lots of support here, we do all understand, so you've come to the right place!

Caz is absolutely right.  what a strange thing to say.  The standard advice is to see your GP and pursue some investigations after a year of trying.  It doesn't necessarily mean that you do have a specific problem with your fertility, but this should be ruled out and then if you still have difficulty conceiving something can be done to help you.
You are not that old yet, but as with all referrals, it can take time and there are waiting lists, and so you should not be hanging about waiting for some magic age (which happens to be the age your fertility can reduce naturally more signicantly) before anything is done about it.  When I finally got to see my consultant for the firs time I was 35 and he said although I wasn't too old yet I should not be delaying things any further..    You did the right thing by seeing your GP, it's a pity she hasn't taken it seriously.  

One other thing I should mention is do you know for sure that you ovulate?  my consultant told me that although monitors can help you to know when you are about to ovulate, they cannot tell you if you actually have ovulated.  I don't know which one you are using or how much it tells you, but this is why you should be referred for a day 21 blood test as it is the only surefire way to test that ovulation has happened.  Temperature charting is also a good way to tell what's happening with your cycle and many consultants will recommend you do this for a while - the sooner you understand your cycle yourself the better informed you can go to any consultant you may be referred to. 

best of luck and do let us know how things are going so that we can help you find the right boards on the site.

It was lifechanging for me to find FF, I hope it helps you

Claire x


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hello,
I see this came up a few days ago and you've had loads of good feedback but i wanted to say hello because i'm in the same boat (ish) have been ttc for 11 months and dreading getting to the 1 year mark.  i shall have to book time off sick for my next bfn as i get upset enough anyway each month and don't know what i shall do next month.  i have been unable to get a referral so far too, but since getting some advice from ff i am making a better effort this time.  last time i went to my gp he told me to take more iron tablets as i am borderline anemic and said he wasn't sure if it might help but it might do and i came out feeling absolutely awful.  this time i am determined to get a referral!! wish me luck!  i wish you luck too.  i get frustrated, disappointed and upset and at the same time i keep trying to take time out to relax to make sure stress isn't getting in the way of ttc. 
i would definitely recommend you to read up on the "fertility awareness method" by Toni Wes... (forget the surname, but you'll find it on amazon.  ovulation sticks tell you when you get your LH surge which indicates when you ovulate, but checking other signs will help loads too.  like after you ovulate your temp goes up.  last month i got my lh surge on the normal day, but then had stress with bereavement and the family upset around it.  because i check my temp at the same time every morning, i realised that did not ovulate at that time, because my temp didn't go up until 6 days after my lh surge.  so i'm pretty sure ovulation was delayed because of my stress.  just to prove it, my period was also a few days later than normal too.  if you read the book more of this will make sense.  once you are charting, the book tells you how to work out if your other signs are ok and this can help you to spot other potential probelms. if you spot problems then you can go to your gp with them.
i hope this helps you.... although i have not conceived with the book (yet!) i have learnt a lot more and hope that i have improved my chances.  
i do stress, worry, loads too, if you want to chat / unload, then get in send me a message, i try and check every other day.
take good care and i wish you every success. x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi PSacedust, don't know if I've come across you yet so welcome to fertility friends. 

Kittenmum, Claire is right about the fertility monitors. I used a Persona as (ironically) contraception and later the other way round to plan sex to make a baby and it always told me I was ovulating right when I should, but blood tests showed a totally different story. There's some really basic tests that you can have and some really non-invasive treatments for some fertility problems that might be all you need.

C~x


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hi,
Found the name of the book.  Toni Weschler - Taking Charge of Your Fertility, the definitive guide to natural birth control, pregnancy acheivement and reproductive health.
Hope you find it useful! x


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## Greeneyed (Apr 12, 2006)

Hi there, 

Just to add to what the other ladies have said I would definately try charting all your fertility signs, in particular your temperature. You can get a basal thermometre pretty cheap off ebay and will probably benefit from joining a website where you can chart your fertility signs. You should see a temp shift the day after ovulation and after a few months f your cycles are regular should be able to predict roughly when this happens. It is a myth that we ovulate around the 14th of the months and AF arrives two weeks later - after charting I have realised that I usually ovulate around the 16th and my AF arrives 12 days later. 

Some times your fertilty signs don't directly correspond with ovulation eg. my fertile CM usually finishes two or three days before I ovulate. 

You can view and print the charts. If they show up any problems such as lack temp rise (ovulation) or short luteal phase you will be able to show them to your consultant when you see them. The down side is it can become pretty obsessive monitoring what is going on with your body every single day of the month. I did temperatures for about six months or so until I had U/S which confirmed I ovulated now I just record CM and other signs ovulationhas hapened like sore breasts. I have got pretty good at knowing when it is hapening and this is usually proven by my AF arriving exactly at the end of my luteal phase when I expect it. 

Charting may also help you feel as though you are doing something proactive whilst you wait for an appointment. 

Put fertility charting into google it will come up with a few sites for you. I think one has a free trial month so you can give it a go. 

Good luck xx


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hello everyone  ,
Sorry i have not been in touch for a while - internet connection went down.

Thanks so much for all your support. I am waiting for a reply from DH's GP and will go to a different GP at my surgery if he says no.

Thanks Spacedust for your infomation about that ovulating book. I will have a look for it, although i usually know when I'm ovulating as i get really bad pains like someone has stuck a knife in me. The pain shoots down my leg and is so bad it makes me cry. When i told my GP about this she said it wasn't anything to worry about and to 'monitor it' - now I'm wondering whether i should speak to another GP about this too.

Can't recall whether i mentioned the iron tablets in previous reply - I'm on iron tablets (over the counter ones not perscribed) as I'm slightly anemic too! Hopefully the problem's as simple as that, as taking the tablets has increased my AF from 2 days to 5 days. I shall keep my fingers crossed for you Spacedust.

I had reflexology last friday and the woman said i was very tense. I'm going again this Friday as clearly being stressed doesn't help things, although she did say once i get pregnant i can't have reflexology until after I've had the baby.

Anyway i am now in my 2ww although practically had to force DH to have BMS as he's fed up with it all too. Anyway i am 7 days into 2ww and i have noticed one breast is bigger than the other  (hopefully the other will catch up), I'm going to the loo more, am tired and I'm overheating in bed. Don't know whether any of this is a good sign. I certainly don't 'feel' pregnant (or sick) and all the symptoms can be explained by other things (apart from one large boob ).

I will keep you all posted.

Love,
Kittenmum


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Aw Kittenmum. DH's do get a bit fed up with the sex to order after a while. Not so much us - we're kind of used to it. 

Good luck with your 2WW. Many ladies swear by reflexology so you never know!

C~x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

True, Cas, so very true  

As for the reflexology, if nothing else it's soooo relaxing.

Update on boob - now both same size, but can't decide if one has shrunk or one has grown. 

Thinking good thoughts for everyone out there.  

Love,
Kittenmum


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

will keep my fingers crossed for you! x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Thanks Spacedust.

Unfortunatley got a   so no babies and mass depression. I don't think possitive thinking helps - it just sets you up for a massive fall. I'm feeling better now though.

Have been back to doctors and am now booked in to have a blood test on day 21 (she didn't mention day 1 and 3). Not looking forward to it as i usually faint.  I'm hoping everything will be ok. I think the fact that i broke down in tears in the doctors might have helped me get the blood test because she kept on saying 'oh you're still young'. I don't care how old or young i am i want a baby now! 

DH has to have a sperm test too - thankfully he's ok with that and willing to do anything to help - except wear boxers because they go up his bum apparently. 

Got told that sperm take 3 days to reach the egg, so i think i've been concentrating on the wrong day for BMS. So this time, we've started the BMS early and have been more chilled about it - so fingers crossed.  

How's things going for everyone else? 

How's the iron intake, Spacedust? Personally I'm getting very sick of spinach!

Love,
Kittenmum


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello kittenmum, so sorry to read you got a BFN.  

Glad your doctor seems to be taking things seriosuly for you though. 

C~x


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Hi, 
Got your message, but couldn't work out how to reply other than this way!
Very sorry to hear about your BFN,  especially when you felt really sure.  I'm not sure if hormones kick in around AF too - well that theory makes me feel better about being so emotional about it, (even though I'm 35 and feel like i really should know bettter and should be in more control of emotions, the disappointment is sometimes just so great).  friends tell me not to give myself a hard time over getting so upset and i hope you have friends telling you that too and giving you big hugs when you need them. 

I try to think positively too, as I like to believe that it makes a difference, however, i also find it harder at the end of those months when i find that i'm not pg.  But i still think its worth it.  Good luck with your day 21 blood test - for some reason my dr didn't want to do this one for me and just did a day 4 test, and i'm collecting results tomorrow.  
there seem to be a lot of cases out there of people suddenly falling pg after long periods of trying.  i bumped into someone else last weekend who had tried for 3 years and had been allocated funding for ivf when she just fell pg.  i wish i knew why it happened like that, but it does give me hope.
i wish lots of luck and good wishes - fingers definitely crossed for you!
Take care,    
Spacedust x


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## Greeneyed (Apr 12, 2006)

Hi Kittenmum. 

Just popped on to say that I don't think the info you have been given is correct. I believe sperm can reach the egg in less than an hour, however sperm can survive for three days or so and sort of "wait" in the fallopian tubes for the egg to arrive. 

Therefore you are best starting BMS a few days before you expect ovulation so there are definately some swimmers around for the egg when it arrives, however BMS on the day of ovulation is also ideal as the swimmers should make it on time and the egg lasts a few hours. 

The best thing to do is to have BMS at least every other day from a few days before you expect ovulation and a couple of days after

Sorry not a very scientific explanation!


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Kittenmum

Just wanted to say hello.  

Emma
x x x x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hi,

Thanks for the replies again. 

Hi Spacedust, How did it go? I've been keeping my fingers crossed for you. Does anyone know why doctors test on different days?  I can't really talk to my friends as they're all pg and the last thing i would want is for them to feel bad that they're pg. So i just smile and say I'm OK. In fact i even told them all that we were taking a break from trying for 6 months, so that a) they could enjoy being pg and b) me and DH could have a break from everyone asking. But i have you guys, that's why it's such a relief. A problem shared is a problem halved and although i feel bad that there are so many people having problems conceiving, it's nice to know there is somewhere to turn.

I'm not particularly good at advice but I'm a good listener, so if anyone wants to offload on me - I'm here.

Hi to Emma.  How are you?

Thanks for the info Greeneyed, scientific or not - I'll try anything! Felt ovulating pains on Monday thankfully we had started BMS early as i don't normally ovulate until today (Thursday) so all we really can do is wait...again! I notice you put on your signature you're losing faith...never give up - a woman at work (who doesn't know I'm ttc) told me there was a couple in her village that just got pregnant after trying for *16 years*!!! So never give up. 

Kitten update: Both doing well and growing fast. I made them both a rag doll which they love and look so cute with. They have also learnt to climb the curtains which I'm trying to teach them not to. So hopefully this 2ww will whizz by.

Love,
Kittenmum 
xx


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hi to all! 

Any BFPs out there?

Had my day 21 blood test - had a horrible nurse that was not sympathetic to my fainting and wouldn't let me lie down! Anyway it's done now. I get my results on Thurday. Coincidently that's when AF is due, so fingers crossed i go there with a tiny little bun in the oven. 

My competitive urges will kick in soon as my younger sister is now talking about ttc, so that might kick me into touch. Well i managed to pass my driving test before her (only just) so you never know. She's looking into getting that home test that can estimate how long you have left to have a baby. I saw it on GMTV about a year ago and can't remember the name of it. So if anyone out there knows can you let me know or if you've tried it and it's a waste of money, that'll be good to know too. I, however, won't be buying one as it's bad enough when a qualified nurse takes my blood, i certainly wouldn't want to take my own! 

Anyway   is going OK. No pg signs apart from a pressing feeling but I've had that before and it's not amounted to anything. 5 days to go. This time I'm going to try my hardest not to do a test 4 days before and just wait until the day.

Love,
Kittenmum  
xx


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Just a quick hello from me again!  Hope your 2ww going ok and hope the kittens haven't torn your curtains apart - and that they take your mind off things.  (although how we're not meant to think about whether we are pg or not i don't know)  i know people say don't think about it, but i find it the hardest.  particularly as i chart my temp every morning, so i wake up every day with it on my mind somehow!
its strange reading all the signs isn't it?  i am noticing a lot more about my body since i've started ttc, like that bloaty feeling on week 3 and hiccups midway.  And its hard not to try and read into them isn't it?  
Fingers crossed for you kittenmum.  and also hoping your bloods all turn out well.
Take care, keep us posted... Spacedust x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Hello everyone,

Got my day 21 blood test results from the doctor today - It was 'consistant with ovulation'  YEY! She told me it was above the 30 mark but not what the actual result was. I'm such an idiot i didn't ask as i was to shocked by the fact i have to have ANOTHER blood test tomorrow  I'm so scared as DH can't be there and it's with the horrible nurse again. But i have a choice, i can either do it now and face the fear alone or wait another month - no contest really considering I'd walk on hot coals if it meant i could have a baby.

The other news is 2ww ended in    , however this week i managed to save myself the cost of a pregnancy test by waiting the full 2 weeks, so that's an achievement. Got to look on the bright side somehow. 

DH has to book in for his sperm test too. He's not looking forward to the 'drive to the hospital within an hour with sperm in your pocket' business. He's after the simple life. Wonder if he realises WHEN (being positive) we have our baby his life will never be simple again  

Kittens have made the curtains quite holey and have a broken net curtain pole. But we did say we wanted hand biting, curtain climbing, balls of fluff and that's what we got. They're also very affectionate and follow me around everywhere, which wasn't quite part of the plan. We got two so they wouldn't be so reliant on me (like my last cat) and so that WHEN we have our baby not only would they be cats by that time they would also be quite happy just playing with each other. But i wouldn't change them for the world.

I hope things are going well for you Spacedust. I'm going to go on your post in a minute to see how you're doing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

Love,
Kittenmum


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Me again!

I DID IT!!! I had my blood test this morning all on my own!! I'm so proud of me! 

Also this time round the horrible nurse was lovely, obviously after seeing my panic attack last time knew how scared i was.

Now just got to wait for the results  

Love,
Kittenmum


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Yay, well done you on your blood test 

Here's to getting results we like!

Sorry to hear this month was another dud. You could always do the sperm sample in the hopsital toilet...hmm, not terribly hygeinic or romantic though!

C~x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Thank you Caz, I'm still buzzing from my achievement and am proudly showing off my tiny bruise  

Doh! Should have thought about the hospital toilet. That's a good idea, i wonder why the doctor didn't suggest it?

Anyway fingers crossed for results next week. 

I am thinking positive thoughts for the next attempt as i will know if I'm pg or not just before my birthday (my mum found out she was pg with me actually on her birthday), so that would be the best birthday present ever. 

As for the test my sister was after It's called Planahead and it's only really useful for people who are deciding whether to start trying. 

Thinking of you all and sending out positive thoughts  

Love,
Kittenmum


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## spacedust (Jun 4, 2007)

Just adding to the suggestiong of dh doing sperm test in hosp toilet.  my dh got duff results until he did it on the premises, he wasn't keen when i suggested it to him, but at least we knew the results would be more accurate!
oh and well done for your blood test!  another step closer for you i hope, x


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## Kittenmum (Jun 28, 2007)

Thanks Spacedust!  

I'll catch up with you on your new post.

Love, Kittenmum


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