# Hitting where it hurts



## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Yesterday I read an article about two women who were unable to have children as a result of a tragic set of circumstances and one of the women said the following statement which I thought was so spot on I thought I'd share it with you.

*"Infertility hits in a place you don't know exists"*

I thought that was such an accurate and succinct way to express to others just how hard our situations are, and thought I might use that line when others around me just aren't getting the message!

IF has certainly hit me in that nasty place today . . had a newsletter come in the post from the charity that supports people who have had similar pituitary conditions and tumours to my hubby, but in it was an article about three couples who had all successfully managed to have children, and one of whom who got easy access to the hormone replacement IF drugs my Dh was denied by our PCT due to funding, and that hurt so much. It has reopened some very deep wounds and just as the above statement says it has indeed hit in a place I didn't know existed.

Sorry to be so down today, but thank goodness there is this thread when those places in our heart and minds are hit by this horrible journey. My PMS is off the scale (again!!!!) at the mo so that is probably making things a million times worse. How I would give anything to just be rid of the monthly cycle  
it just makes all this soooo much harder to cope with. Month in month out no escape, a body full of haywire chemicals making you feel like you are trying to walk through custard (!) as you feel so exhausted , weepy , bloated, backaches, nausea and these intense sudden waves of uncharacteristic anger  you want to throw things , and heavy painful useless ovaries making their presence known, at least that is the delights my body likes to taunt me with. . . so how do you stand a chance to escape the pain of not being able to have children when two weeks out of every month is dominated by a body telling you what hasn't happened  and can't happen

Right .. . . have probably depressed you all now ! Huge apologies for the very down post, just needed to share these thoughts as that in its self is a huge comfort, knowing you guys will so relate to these feelings.

If anyone has any successful remedies for easing PMS would also love to hear them!!! Have tried over the last four months daily Vit B6, Angnus Castus, increased calcium, and increased exercise to name a few of the non prescription recommendations but none have made a jot of difference. . . maybe next stop is to ask for a sex change tee hee!!!!!!!!!!! 

Love
a very hormonal   
Hippy!
xxxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Oh Hippy - BIG BIG HUGS for you xxx

That statement is sooo right.  I'm so cross at the funding thing you've mentioned, it's so bl*ddy unfair.  

As for AF, I know exactly what you mean and I know there are a few ladies on here that have seriously thought of having surgery.  It really is like a constant slap in the face.

I'm so sorry I can't help with remedies but just wanted to send you a hug and let you know we know how you are feeling.

Nix
xxxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hippy sweetie

Am about to go down to uni so no time for a proper post but couldn't go without sending you a HUGE 

              


Will send you a quick PM

lots love 
xxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hippy, i know what you mean. Although it wasnt drugs in our case we were told we could never have nhs iui or anything else because my dh already had a child!!!  But i bloody didnt and yet still penalised!!!

Thats partly what took us so long to finally go bloody private.Altho we have reasonably well paid jobs we wouldnt have had thousands just lying round!! hope the pmt gets better. I had my af last week but funny enough i am in bad form this week!!! Had big row with dh about 1. the dentist!! and 2. giving leftover meat to th dog (when he had wanted it!!!)


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## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Dear Hippy,

Your poor thing...this is just so unfair.

I often wonder if bad PMS is widespead amongst those of us who have IF.  I can certainly relate to all of the emotional and physical symptoms you describe, and sadly feel that it is getting worse the older I get.
I seem to have only a week where I am completely headache free and feel something approaching happiness and normality. 
Sadly I don't have any magical cures either.  I have in the past, be prescribed prozac and that helped hugely, but after a while  it seemed to dull all emotions, good and bad, so it's not an ideal long term solution.  The natural stuff ahsn't worked well for me when I tried it either....after 2 sessions of reflexology for mentrual migraine I had a 3 day headache which was one of my worst ever, so that potential cure has also bitten the dust.
I


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh Hippy

I'm so sorry to hear that things are so crap for you at the moment. What a bite on the bum seeing that info in the newsletter. Its amazing what lies in wait out there to trip us when we least expect it, isn't it?

Like Eilidh I had reflexology to help with my hormonally charged angst and painful afs but in my case it helped enourmously. I think the letting go and just being able to 'be' for an hour helps too. I would always suggest seeking a qualified and recommended reflexologist though to anyone who is thinking about it.

Sorry you had a bad experience with reflexology Eilidah, I am currently training to be a reflexologist and would be gutted if one of my clients had an adverse reaction like you.

Love
Emcee x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Hippy,

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so emotionally and physically unwell.   Isn't it often the way that when we are down one physically we seem to get hit emotionally and vice versa? Not surprising if you believe as I do in the mind/spirit/body balance.

I don't know if you have come across Susan M Lark M.D? She is an American doctor who uses nutrition, alternative therapies and exercise to treat a number of women's health issues. I had her book "Fibroids, Tumours and Endometriosis" and found the very specific exercises she gave for period pain affected by these problems really relieved the pain. Unfortunately I gave it to the clinic for their bookshelf in a clear out of all my books connected with miscarriage and ttc, so I don't have it for reference anymore.

When I was ttc I also followed her diet plan for "Fibroids, Tumours and Endometriosis" and I have to say it did help with my periods. I don't stick to it now as it was quite difficult, so I eat again the foods you should avoid, but I do try and include the goodies too!

I know she has books on "Heavy Menstrual Flow and Anemia" and "Menstrual Cramps" which might help. And for anyone closer to my age, she does write about menopause too. (Plus a lot of other women's health issues.)

Hope of interest,

Love Jq xxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hello Hippy  

I was sorry to leave you yesterday with a rather rushed and unhelpful message so just popping in to reply properly.

Firstly, I can imagine that the newsletter must have thrown up all sorts of painful feelings for you, all the usual 'what ifs' and 'why me's', with the added frustration and bitterness of knowing that your situation has been caused by human errors and NHS tight fisted beurocracy. I can imagine that this last aspect must sometimes throw up feelings of "what if we try to fight the decision just one more time". Lord knows I still get moments of thinking 'what if we try one more time' and that despite knwowing we had all the tx we could, so I can only begin to imagine what turmoil you must be feeling.

Such bad luck and bad timing too, when your friend has recently fallen pg (is it one friend or two, i am getting confused, but either way its hard enough!    )  It must really be hard for you right now, and feel like salt is being rubbed very hard into the wound. I am not surprised you feel like you do.    

As for your hormones I don't have any further practical tips other then the B6 which I already suggested...it was at a higher dose then over the counter so maybe its worth talking to your doc? Also my mum used to swear by 'Magnesium OK' and early nights! 
And also I have heard evening Primsrose Oil. Still there seem to be so many 'wives tales' about these things its hard to know what to believe.  

For anxiety and stress one thing I found enormously helpful this time last year was regular relaxation exercises. I don't normally go in for this kind of thing but when I was at my absolute all time low and  scared out of my wits by life this time last year I began doing a 20 min relaxation every day. The book I have recommends twice a day but this was hard to fit in, but I have to say altough I was sceptical it made a huge difference...the idea is that if you breathe right and empty your mind for just this short time a day it stops the anxiety building up quite so much. In addition to twenty mins at home the book also encourages you to do this anytime you feel anxoius, anywhere,  even if just for 5 minutes while you're driving, or in a cafe or anywhere at all. Of course its not a magic wand, and our emotions run far too deep to be magically cured by some deep breathing, but it did help me to stop my anxiety spiralling out of control. But I did find that it only worked once I was doing it very regularly, and it takes a bit of practice. 
And I realise its not for everyone!  

As for the physical symptoms, the best I can do is sympathise with all my heart! My body is still not right a year after tx. My PMT isn't so bad, but I am permanently bloated in a way I never was before tx (to the extent that I have gievn up clothes shopping as I get too depressed), and the main thing I suffer with is very achy and heavy ovaries which feel just like they did when i was being pumped full of IVF drugs. they feel very 'heavy' in the back and front, and when they're really bad they hurt a little when I walk. i have been getting so upset by this I started to worry about it and was going to post on here to see if others had experienced the same problems after tx. 

Because of this I feel very strongly that tx drugs are really awful for our bodies, and this is just one more insult to add to the sadness we feel that the tx which pushed our bodies to the limit didn't even give us the babies we were striving so hard for. As you rightly say every side effect is another reminder of all the horrid memories and the sadness of our situation.

Sorry for rambling on so long, just wish I could do more to help and make you feel better.

lots of love and hugs
Ermey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



(did you share this with your lovley DH? Sometimes its better to cry together!)


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

THANK YOU guys all sooooooooo much !!!!! I just typed a monster size mail to thank each of you personally and then managed to press wrong button an lost it all   computers eh!

Your hugs, wise words and helpful info were so uplifting xxxx 

As a result of this post I have taken the decision that I really do need to book an appointment to see my GP. I will request to see a female GP as I think might get more sense and be taken more seriously on this topic, no offense to male GPs but the PMS issue tends to frighten most men     or they diss it as just something we should accept and get on with  !

I will ask if I can try the Vitamin routes first at the proper dose, as Ermey   helpfully pointed out the Vitb6 does have to be up to 100mg a day, as opposed to the piddly non prescription 10 mg Tesco value (!) Vitb6 I've been taking!!!! I won't out rule the alternative routes either, but for the severity of my PMS  and knowing it is caused by chemical imbalances I feel a biological approach may be needed in this case, but I know from experience there is also much merit in the relaxation properties the alternative tx offers to, so will explore this further. 

Heres to being more hormonally balanced soon. . I hope!

Huge hugs to each one of you, all of your posts and info meant so much xxxx

Love
Hippy
xxxxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Hippy
I am so sorry that i never got to share some comments on your posting. The replies are fantastic and i can see you feel alittle more lifted. I think you are so right, thank goodness there are people on here that really understand.
I can totally empathise with your feelings and that you were not looked after by the NHS. It is an unfair system and it fulfils some and not others. I am sorry that this article brought home alot of emotions and upset. This does not really help you both especially when there were some positive stories from the article. I really feel for you it sounds as if you really suffer with PMT...i think this on top of everything else can really be an emotional drag and affect us emotionally. 
I think you are a great person that expresses your emotions so well. It is so healthy and will definately help you, probably at times it doesn't feel like this..
Keep in there..
love astridx


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## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Hi Hippy,

Will you come back to this thread and let us know how you got on with your GP ?
I'd love to hear about what has been suggested.  Best of luck


Hi Emcee

I think my reflexology experience shouldn't put me(or anyone else) off this therapy altogether.  However I don't think I "clicked" with my practitioner and didn't feel particularly comfortable talking about my difficulties with her...I don't know why exactly....perhaps I approached it thinking that it was unlikely to suceed as nothing else I've tried ever has ! 

love Eilidh
XXX


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dearest Hippy,
I hope you're feeling better now.
You certainly seem to be suffering with your periods.
An appointment with a sympathetic GP sounds like  a good idea. ?does your practice let you book double appointments. It may be a good idea to ask so that you have enough time and you and your Dr aren't;t rushed. 
I've always found that the only thing which helps is keeping my exercise up but that's often hard to do (especially in mid Winter)
Take care
Lots of love and hugs
Jo


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Hello my lovelies   thank you again for all your kind and lovely replies  

Just to let you know I've taken the bull by the horns   and booked an appointment with a female GP for tomorrow, to try and get my PMS nightmare a bit more under control. 

I have got five cycles worth of charted symptoms to show the GP which when I transferred them to graph format made for very scary reading but give clear evidence the PMS symptoms are taking over 80 -90 % of each cycle at the mo   so I really do need to get this sorted. 


Will let you know how it goes, lets just hope I'll get a sympathetic GP who suffers with bad periods herself, as that always helps!!!

Love
Hippy
xxx


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