# First time donor



## doesjeffknow (Sep 24, 2006)

Hello,
I am new to this site. I am a 27yr old gay white male, healthy, and would like to father a child. Been thinking about it for about 2 years but my friend is undergoing IVF and is a member of this site and recommended I join. Not sure where to begin or what to do but need some advice. How does the whole process start?

Dave


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## Ella* (Mar 1, 2006)

Hi Dave,
no advice from me, but just a 'Thank you'! Thanks for thinking to do this

Ella
x

Am sure the donors will say hi to you soon. I guess some of the starting process will be which clinic/donor bank is closest to you. Have you visited the hfea website?

p.s. is your avatar picture you as a baby? Aww! *Grin*


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## Fifebloke (Jan 18, 2006)

Hi Dave

That depends on how you want to go about things, whether you want to be a parent or a donor.

If a donor, DapperDan has posted a some items on here detailing his experiences to date that are well worth a read and you could also drop me a Private Message and I'll try to help.  

If a parent, there are some gay oriented sites that have sections that are good for contacting gay women perhaps looking for co-parenting.

Best wishes

David


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## doesjeffknow (Sep 24, 2006)

I will check out that website. Thanks for your responses. It's so new it's quite overwhelming.

Dave


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## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

Hi Dave,

It's great that you're thinking of becoming a donor. Thank you to you from me for being willing to consider it. I don't know the details of going the clinic route but my partner and I are using a known donor, so know the intricacies of that path very well, particularly from the recipients side, but we've worked with three donors over the last few years so know our way around that side too.

We met our current donor through the parenting board at rainbownetwork.com. He's never placed an advert himself but chose to respond privately to the few couples on there that were asking for a donor that he felt comfortable with. We were one of them. We communicated by email for a while and found that our intentions and perspectives matched up well, then we met in person (in a public place) and got on well. Eventually we signed contracts (which are not legally binding but a good indicator of our mutual intentions and a good launching point for many of the discussions that we had to have to ensure we were well matched). He'd already had all his tests done and now he comes to our home usually twice a month at around ovulation time to donate.

We found the book 'A Family Affair' by Lisa Saffron particularly useful when we were in the planning and prepping stages. it's a bit more focused on the mothers rather than the donors side of things but it does cover donors more than any other book I've read and has accounts from several donors about how the experience has been for them. It also goes into detail about the different types of donor relationship that might be formed, from anonymous donors, through 'uncle' type donors to 'daddy' donors and has sample contracts and legal information. It might be a good starting point for you, especially if you're pretty new to the idea.

Do feel free to PM me if you think I might be able to help more.

And once again, thank you.

Gina.


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## doesjeffknow (Sep 24, 2006)

snagglepat said:


> Hi Dave,
> 
> It's great that you're thinking of becoming a donor. Thank you to you from me for being willing to consider it. I don't know the details of going the clinic route but my partner and I are using a known donor, so know the intricacies of that path very well, particularly from the recipients side, but we've worked with three donors over the last few years so know our way around that side too.
> 
> ...


Hi guys thanks very much for your reply. I'm not sure how to PM someone on here. I would very much like to read that book you mentioned. I wish you total success with everything your doing. Maybe I'll be there one day. fingers crossed.

Dave


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