# Husband already has children.



## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Hello again everyone. 

Not popped up for a while, but I'm still no further than last time. In summary, I'm 26 hb 28. He has kids, I dont. Not eligible for NHS funding, DR referred me to clinic anyway. They had not explained how much I have to pay for initial consultant etc..? Also, reason for referral is I have been diagnosed with PCO(S?). Surely this would mean some kind of drug induced fertility treatment initially. Does anyone have any idea how much I will be looking at for this? Im in limbo, DR doesn't hardly explain anything. Just expects me to make an appointment, go and be hit with a huge bill whilst I am there.

This is all hard enough without having to comprehend with having step children aswell. If anyone is in a similar situation I would greatfully receive a message from you. 

Please help someone,


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## Jam&amp;Cream (Jan 27, 2013)

Hi, is this at an nhs clinic? You shouldn't be paying anything for investigations unless you self refer somewhere privately. Everyone should be entitled to investigations whether or not they are entitled to ivf treatment. 
Best of luck to you. X


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Wow thanks for such a speedy reply. 

The  only thing I have had done is an ultrasound scan. Oh and some blood tests. 

As soon as the ultrasound scan showed PCO, Dr referred me. I believe it is NHS, as it is the west midlands fertility clinic based in Tamworth? 

Thanks


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

The first thing they'll do is make sure your bmi is low enough. If not you'll be asked to get it under 30 before any treatment starts. 
Drugswise, if you're irregular, the one they're likely to try is clomid as it helps to regular your cycle and make you ovulate. 

I have PCOS and a thyroid problem and currently expecting so have hope!


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Wow lovely, you're Dr sounds terrible.  That must be so horrible to not know what's going on.

TTC with step children is a really huge deal and know matter how much you might love them, it makes this journey much harder.  We have a thread under Coping With Infertility for people with step families.

I found the NHS extremely judgmental about me trying for a baby, going private (although hugely unfair and expensive) was the best thing that I did. 

I hope that you can find out some answers soon    If you have to pay anyway, have you thought about going along to some private consultations, perhaps to some of the free open days? I found the fertility health checks that some of them offer really good information and a much better analysis of scan / blood test results xx


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Thanks for your reply, did you have NHS funding for your treatment?
Congratulations - I noticed your son shares his birthday (adoption day?) with me  im hoping its a lucky day


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Molly thanks for your understanding, and I shall certainly check out the forum for step families!!

Yes the Drs have been awful, I leave the surgery no wiser than I left, one Dr even laughed at my questions!! 

If I have to pay - I have to pay! Simple as. It would just be nice if I was told what to expect when I make my appointment with the West Midlands Fertility.. So that I dont make an appointment at a time I cant afford it, if that makes sense.


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Poor you  

I found my NHS on the verge of obstructive.  I think that not only do they have such budget problems that they are extremely rigid in their rules but (in my experience) also seem to be allowed to show their own personal views far too much.  My Dr told me that I wouldn't be allowed any help whatsoever because she felt that my step children should be my priority and that some women weren't meant to be mothers  

I would put in a call to West Midlands Fertility first and just explain your situation to ask whether it is worth you going and what your financial options might be before you go.  I do know of someone who waited for ages for an appointment with a NHS clinic to be told that they couldn't help.  Also, if they take on private patients then they should be able to forward you on a costs sheet.

Hope to see you on the thread soon    It really does help to talk about some of the more complicated issues and thoughts that we have with people who understand xx


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Isnt it just awful.

I have had so many different tales, its ridiculous. 
Ive been told that I should get fertility drugs on the NHS because I dont have children, just not IVF or IUI.

Then I was told they are about £30 if you're not NHS (which is obviously very reasonable) 

I've looked on West Midlands Fertility wesbite and taking the drugs on their own doesnt even seem to be an option. 

(AAAAHHHHH!!!)


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Ps thats an awful thing for a Dr to say. If they say anything like that to me, I think if i get told anything like that, I will cerainly give them my what for!!!!! Disgusting...


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hiya,
They certainly were lucky days for us, the day we found out he'd be ours, the day we met, the day he came home and the day it became official all have big special places in our hearts!!

We got the clomid part of treatment on NHS but had to pay for both rounds of IVF ourselves because at the time I was too young to qualify for NHS funding in our local area. 
In the end our little miracle occurred all in his own good timing well after we stopped treatment but I know lots of people who have had great success with Clomid so will keep my fingers crossed for you!


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hello

I'm an infertile stepmum too, we got funded though as my CCG do, good advice from the others and I also agree you should be able to access NHS tests regardless

It's so so hard dealing with stepchildren, he is away in a different city every other week for 3 days and missed most of my hospital appts due to him being too worried to change days, honestly I often feel like leaving him simply as I find it so so hard, I feel like he will never want it like I do

I feel for any woman going through it as a step mum 

L xx


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## EllJay88 (Dec 10, 2014)

Hi MrsB, I'm in a similar situation to yourself. DP has two children & I have none. 

I am desperate to be a mammy, and we have had to self fund our treatment right from the beginning. DP had a vasectomy 12 years ago, and we've gone straight in with ICSI rather than attempt a reversal, due to costs. I don't have any diagnosed fertility problems. I'd imagine that funding could well be a postcode lottery.

I always worry that I want it more than him & that he isnt really bothered as he already has kids. Even though he's given me no reason to feel this way and constantly reassures me. If I'm honest, I'm resentful of his vasectomy and get jealous of him & his ex for being able to do it all naturally. Crazy I know. What's worse,  I feel bitter at times for another child taking all my attention, when I want nothing more than to have and love my own.

You really aren't alone, but these times show us how strong we can be 

L xxx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Honey, you can self refer to any clinic. It might be worth having a look on the Regional section and on the HFEA website and then looking at the individual clinics websites for information, costs, and open days. Open days are really useful.

It might be worth contacting your CCG directly to see if there is anything else you can access under the NHS: some areas do provide clomid under the NHS for people who already have children, they may also still be able to do some more tests (sperm analysis etc) 

Good luck xxx


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hi ya,

We are in a similar situation as my Husband has a 9 year old son from his 1st marriage. 

After 9 months of us trying we went to our GP who referred us to the NHS fertility clinic at our local hospital. 

Whilst waiting for the appointment I had my bloods done and hubby had 2 sperm samples tested. 

The appointment came 5 months later and we met with a consultant who went through our medical history and what the plan was next, I'm now waiting to have a lap and dye to check my tubes in March. 

We already knew that we would have to pay but the consultant said that if my tubes are blocked then we go straight to IVF which is £5,500 but if my tubes are OK then we try a course of clomid to make me ovulate. As a private patient I would have to pay £400 for the scans and normal NHS prescription charges for the clomid. 

I wouldn't worry about your BMI, mine is 38 and no one has said anything because I'm a private patient, its only NHS that wont do anything till your under 30. 

The consultant I'm seeing now at the NHS fertility clinic is the same one I will see at the private clinic which is good because its continuation of treatment. 

My NHS clinic has been brilliant and I can email them at any time and they get straight back to me, no one has been judgemental or mention my Husband's son at all. 

I have played the system tho a bit because I was supposed to have my Lap and dye this month when I have my gall bladder out but they only want to do the gallbadder. The next available slot for the lap is in 6 months! I kicked off big time and explained as a private patient who is paying thousands depending on this result I shouldn't be made to wait this long. I got my appointment today for 6 weeks after my gallbladder operation   What my consultant doesn't know is, if we need IVF were off abroad! 

Fertility treatment is big business and its your decision who you hand all that money over to. 

Good luck with everything

xx


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Wow so much support thanks to all who have commented!! EllyJ88 I completely see where you are coming from. My husbands children are amazing. It pains me that they are, when they're not mine. 

I do not what do everyone. I've going to the doctors this afternoon to start the referral again. I just want the opportunity to have the chlomid/metformin whatever it is I need. I asked Dr if they should investigate in case its more than PCOS (like tubal problems) and he said, "no its, the pcos" so why the bloody hell is he forwarding me straight for a nice £5k bill (at least) with a £190 inital meeting  rather than some pills that MIGHT work!!

Uh such a minefield... Us "step mummies" need to stick together. I even hate being called that cause its so half hearted


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

Mrs Peach, please stay in touch.

I've said that if fertility drugs dont work, it might be the end of the road for us financially for now. But IVF abroad, could be something to consider?!?! Sounds interesting


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hiya how you doing?

I've pushed my lap and dye back to the end of April as one of my wounds from gallbladder operation has got infected :-( and I need extra healing time. 

You must insist that you have your tubes checked, you are entitled to every test going on the NHS so you must push for this. 

My friend from work who's is a nurse paid for 2 lots of IVF in the UK at £6000 each and they didn't work, she went to Prague and paid £1,800 to adopt a donor egg that had been fertilized with donor sperm and have it put in her and it took for 6 weeks until she sadly miscarried. 

I also looked after a patient who went to the same clinic and she's now got twin boys. They also do mini IVF which is only £800, we are looking at this first. 

X


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hiya,

I've pm you back 

Another nurse I work with had IVF due to having a hydospinx (or something like that!) I think.it's where fluid collects in the tube. And this was discovered from having a lap. She's got a daughter now from first time at IVF. 

X x


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