# Horrible Panel Experience



## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Hi,

I don't post very often.  Just need to get out what has happened to us today.

We finally reached panel after 9 months of home study.  We fully acknowledge we have a complex history and we have been totally honest and open about how we have dealt with issues, DH's ex wife, DS disabilities etc.  At panel today we were feeling quietly confident and our SW had advised us to relax and enjoy the experience!!  

Panel today completely knocked us for six.   

A comment in our PAR regarding an incident with my mother several years ago was targeted as a significant weakness and they have asked for further investigation from our social worker before we can be considered for approval.  Honestly, we believed this was an example of how we overcome adversity, panel saw it as a potential area of confilict with my mum and have asked our SW to interview mum to discuss the issue in more depth.  We have so moved on from this and are in a completely different situation.  This is picking at a long healed wound and pushing us to again deal with very old issues.    

We feel so helpless.  We have no choice than to go over old wounds or face being refused at panel.  One of the panel members asked if we would feel better if they deferred our next panel meeting until September.   We tried to explain that we had walked in feeling that we had a good chance of being approved, discovered that what was a non issue to us was an issue to them and we would then have to wait several months before being considered again.    Did they really expect this to make us feel better  

Our SW couldn't believe the outcome and kept apologising.  There were times we were comforting her.  

There is a part of me that wonders if the ofsted inspectors being present made a difference to the outcome.

Hoping there is a bigger plan to all of this and we are meant to wait a bit longer for our little one.  

Jules


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

really sorry to hear of your experience..it sounds very jobsworth to me   I hope re going over the issue isnt too painful for you  
not sure what else to say except i hope this gets resolved faster than fast and that you can move on with it all. 

kj x


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Jules, just read your post and I was horrified    sounds as though it was a bit of a shock for your sw too.

I really hope this does not delay you to long and that you can get it all sorted out to the satisfaction of everyone.


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Jules,

We also had a horrible experience at approval panel (not going into details but it was to the extent that our SW put in a complaint herself, until she was 'bullied' into retracting it!  ). She said in all her years as a SW she had never seen a panel treat anyone as badly as us and could only presume it was because they couldn't find any issues at all to question they picked on little things and totally blew them out of proportion, which was so totally unexpected and threw us completely!  

We ended up having the same panel for matching, so as you can imagine we were dreading that, but it turned out to be a completely different experience and was fine   

I just want to say that I know our case isn't exactly the same to you as although we had a horrible experience, we were approved, but we left feeling totally deflated, upset and angry (when we should have been elated and celebrating!  )

I hope they see the light and it gets sorted without you having to go over old ground with your Mum   
You look at things the same as me with regards to hoping this has happened due to a 'bigger picture', and yes who knows maybe it is because your particular lo hasn't reached the point of being able to be matched to you yet and you being approved right now would have prevented you ever even knowing them.
I know that probably doesn't help with how you are feeling right now as it's a horrible prospect to have to rake over old wounds. We all have them and can imagine how that must feel   

Lots of luck that they come to their senses!

Love Anj x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Jules, so sorry you had such an awful time, you must have been flabbergasted to get to this point and having the rug pulledm from underneath you.  Just keep your eyes on the prize hun and whatever thing you have to revisit as painful it might be it will all be worth it in the end. xx


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Thank you all for you kind thoughts and comments.  Just felt totally thrown by it all yesterday.  Hoping to see our SW next week so we can sort out next steps.  Very tempted to give up yesterday but there is a little person out there who needs us to fight our way through this so we can meet her and bring her home. 

Julie


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## muminthemaking (Jan 10, 2008)

Hi Jules,
just to say sorry to hear about your negative panel experience, I'm pleased to hear you're not giving up, you're obviously very dedicated to the adoption process and becoming a mummy through adoption. I really hope that you and your mum wont find this invasion into the past too difficult and that it will all make sense to you in the future when you have your little one home with you. Good luck, it sounds like your sw really believes in you and wants this for you too which is half the battle won x x


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