# Does anyone else feel unfairly done by....need some help to be positive



## Theresa1975 (Apr 21, 2014)

Hi FF, 

Well this is a little check in to see how everyone is getting along, and if anyone else has struggled being positive during the 2ww.

A quick bit about our situation, my husband 49 has 4 kids from a previous marriage and had a vasectomy. 2 Years ago we got this reversed and at first was told it was successful, however after trying for 8 months and still not falling pregnant we had his sperm re-tested and it appears that the operation was not successful after all (scarred over).

We then decided to go down the IVF ICSI path with Sperm aspiration / PESA, which took 6 months to get everyone booked in at the Lister (wish I knew then, what i do now). 

We got 17 eggs/12 fertilised and reached a top quality grade 1/2 at day 3, we were advised to go to blastocyst which I was so sure would give us at least 4 blasts...but all we got was 1 grade 3BC and a morula. These both were transferred back yesterday. 

I spoke with the embryologist this morning, who said the sperm DNA kicks in at day 3 which is most probably why 9 of these arrested and the poor quality of the single blast.  
      
Because of this I just cant help but feel annoyed with my husband. He has 4 kids from his previous marriage, there is no issue with my fertility (as far as I know AMH 30), every day I hear about his kids and deal with his acrimonious ex wife and (without sounding like a victim) I feel like I am the one who has to miss out.  

I am so annoyed as we started this process when I was 36 and here i am at 39 racing against time before that big 40 to find out yet another potential problem, on top of the 15k we have already spent.

Has anyone had any luck with a morula and grade 3BC blast?

I have been in a bad mood since yesterday when they did the transfer and for the love of money I cant get in a positive state of mind. I have had cramps which feel like period pain but I just do not know what to expect.  

Txx


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## carpedea (Sep 20, 2014)

Hi Teresa

I thought I'd share my experience as I sort of know where you are coming from. So my husband and I started trying for a child about 8 years ago. Long story and many investigations. He has a child from a pervious relationship which they had in a heartbeat. He was kicked between his legs by his ex wife as she s a phycho and this is where our problems started. He gets diagnosed with azoospermia and I am fit, healthy and in our knowledge fertile.

Our journey took us to August this year having ICSI following a PESA. 9 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilised. I was so disappointed and so jealous and hard done by. Why can she just have it easily and i have to have a heartache. Luckily our 3 fighters went really well every day and at day 3 we were advised to go to Blastocyst as they could not decide which one was better.

Transfer day arrives and we are given the news that our embryos didnt quite make it to blastocyst. One was  very early blast and a morula. I was devastated and thought my journey was over.

7 days later i got a BFP.  I wish I could give you a full positive story but am early in my journey. I am 6 weeks but i had to have a very early scan and i know both took, one heartbeat seen but it's still really early to draw any conclusions, have to give it little while more.

It doesn't matter what the embryos are when they go back in, you have a 200% chance, thats how I saw it  100% for each one!!  

It's normal to feel like you do, but your embies need you to be as strong as you can for them xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Hi Teresa, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling    sadly, I know those emotions very well.

We also started this process when I was 36 and now I am just over a month away from 41.  I do feel angry, it would be so much easier to accept and understand if we had any other reason for our infertility but my DH's rash and crazy decision to have a vasectomy in the last month of a terrible and dying relationship.  I can also find no peace because I see how wonderful it is for my DH to be a parent but he never will with me and its so easy for him to move on because he already feels his family is complete.

It's a very difficult situation and there is so little support.  We do have a section under coping with infertility called stepchildren and infertility, at least we can talk to wonderful women who understand the complex emotions and issues.  I think that in times of stress, and blimey the 2ww is stressful enough, we tend to also find it hard to cope with other problems that make our journey so much harder.

It's funny that you mention about sperm DNA kicking in at day 3, that is when we lost most of ours.  My old clinic did nothing to help with my DH's problems, it felt like a one size fits all and treat the woman approach now.

I wish that I could give you a positive story too but it didn't turn out well for me.  However, I had all top grade eggs and a few top grade early embies and none of them worked.  So many ladies here have amazing success with lower grade emboss, it honestly seems like luck to me rather than the grading being indicative of success.

As you've just had your transfer, the cramps are absolutely normal, as is the negativity and fear.  I even had cramping my fet, so my ovaries weren't refilling and battered.  The meds that you were on and probably still are will play havoc.

I know how hard it is but keep your chin up lovely.  I wish that I had enjoyed being PUPO more now.  This can absolutely work for you xx


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## Pebble1 (Sep 16, 2011)

Teresa I did not want to read and run but wanted to encourage you about the quality of your embryos. On our 2nd ISCI we had 2 blasts put back - exactly the same quality as yours - a morula and a 3BC. I remember being so disheartened that they were not better quality but we amazingly got our BFP and our beautiful girl is now 14 months old. Stay positive - it CAN happen!! Wishing you all the best x


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## Theresa1975 (Apr 21, 2014)

Thank you to everyone for your responses, it has given me hope.


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## smiling angel (Sep 2, 2012)

Best of luck Theresa. I understand how you feel in a way. My husband didn't have a vasectomy but had a child with a girl he had only met (years ago) and first time having sex 3 weeks later baam she was pregnant. He now has a 19 year old. We started trying when I was 31 and it's been the worst journey ever BUT aged 39 I'm now 27 (tomorrow) weeks pregnant. After loads of treatments & trials & disappointments it looks like I will eventually hold my baby in my arms in 11 weeks. Please try to bit lose hope. During your 2ww try listening to Zita west as it really helped me to relax and think positive. Really hope it works out for you xx


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## Theresa1975 (Apr 21, 2014)

Thanks smiling angel, congratulations on your pending arrival x


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