# It's not fair!



## mrs_ss30 (Dec 4, 2012)

Received another blow today that one of my close friends is pregnant.  I feel absolutely gutted.  I should be happy for her but all I can think is 'how the hell can they get pregnant'  Neither is particularly healthy.  Their diet is poor and they do not exercise.  His skin looks grey because he refuses to eat any fruit or veg at all...in my friends own words, he struggles to eat 1 portion of fruit or veg a day.  He is overweight from his poor diet and from drinking.  To make matters worse they barely have sex because she does not enjoy it that much.  

I know I'm being unfair - I wouldn't want anyone to go through this hell - but I don't understand how they can get pregnant after trying for such a short time (she's been through this journey with me so I know they haven't been trying any longer than 3 months, if that) and we can't.  After 3 years!  And we are the healthiest people I know.  

Can someone please explain this to me because I'm on the verge of having some sort of breakdown at the moment.  My husband is distraught too.  I just don't want to go through this anymore.


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

Aaarrrggggghhhhhhh.  It s just not b****y fair.  I am so sorry.  There is nothing to explain it as it just doesn't make sense and it not fair.

Good luck with your journey


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

It really isn't fair I totally agree with you. I'm so sorry that you've been dealt these awful cards and wish it was easier for all of us.

Keep doing what you are doing. You will get there I promise - I'm finally pregnant after almost 9 yrs of TTC. One way or another you will be a mummy. Hang on in there xxxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Mrs ss im sorry your going through a bad time its just not fair. My partners brother and his gf had a baby 2 weeks ago and i couldnt face her when they said they were expecting and when the baby was born i was so upset. All my friends were pregnant or had newborns and i just couldnt be happy for them, sounds selfish but i just couldnt. Its people like us who are healthy and have all the love to give a baby that struggle and its so unfair. My advice would be to be selfish if you need to be whatever protects you! I always had a smile and congratulated people on their pregnancies but it was far from what i was feeling and people just dont understand, be kind to yourself


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## Jess1ca (Jan 18, 2011)

Hang in there honey   I have sat there and thought exactly the same thing. I have a BMI of around 26 and was initially told that this could be a MAJOR contributing factor to our problems. That said take a walk around I saw enough women who looked like brood sows with several kids in tow, expectant mothers dragging on a *** or swigging pints of alcohol  . Here was me and my DH. Both considered relatively sporty, healthy and active and yep nothing, nada not so much as a squeak for the 9 years we had been trying  ! All the while other people making their announcements "oh he only has to look at me for me to fall pregnant" - usually I wish to batter these people to death using a red wine bottle although only in my head of course  . Friends and colleagues all having their children and telling me I ought to start thinking about it as I wasn't getting any younger and the classic cherry on the cake one of my close friends (who didn't want children) falling pregnant after a one night stand telling me it was the best thing she had ever done and wasn't it about time I did it too!

I just had to smile and get on with it. I had the odd tear tantrum and the "why me" but in the end reproaching myself for grieving over what was happening to us was no way to help myself. If it helps have a good cry or rant. Then get up, dust yourself off and focus on you and your DH. Hopefully it will happen for you soon. We are all here if you need us


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

Mrs SS - I TOTALLY understand how you feel, in fact I could have written it myself. I literally just got an email from a friend saying she's pregnant. 5 days ago I had an email from another friend telling me she's pregnant. On that day I found out I have an endometrial cyst and have to have surgery, this is after a failed IVF and 2 years trying for a baby, 15 years together. It is SO UNFAIR I could throttle someone because it doesn't make any sense!!!! It's an incredibly frustrating time and it's made worse by people falling pregnant at the drop of a hat when we are trying so goddamn hard and doing all the 'right' things. i keep trying to work out in my head what I'm doing wrong and it drives me insane. I can't actually believe this is happening to me most of the time. I don't have any advice on dealing with it I'm afraid but just know you are not alone, we are all in this together. Hugs xxxxxx


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

p.s I was wondering that same thing the other day about nutrition, I keep reading how important it is to have a good diet and you have more chance of conceiving etc, but I just don't understand how someone who lives off coke and chocolate and does no exercise can get pregnant?!! It doesn't make any sense. I guess they are just extremely lucky, they don't even know it. xx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I know it's hard, and I think it's happened to everyone who has struggled with fertility at some point. When you feel like this it is best to take sometime by yourself away from the people for a while. 

However it is important to try and focus on not feeling angry and upset in the long run. Sadly in the world bad things happen to good people who don't deserve it all the time: healthy fit people get ill, young people die of heart attacks, and children who have never done anything wrong are unable to fight cruel diseases. 

We have been ttc for 5 years and it's so hard to see my career go to pot, see everyone else have their 2nd/3rd child, and be limbo land. However, that is hard enough to deal with, I can't add anger at other peoples fertility to the mix. Don't get me wrong sometimes I see a person with a "baby on board" sticker and instantly hate them. I get comments like "you can work at Christmas/Easter/evening/weekend because you haven't got children to worry about" and want to chuck a stapler at them. And then friends say how awful it is that they get pregnant by looking at their partner and I want to scratch their eyes out. BUT I have to let it go because otherwise I would end up isolated completely and then that would feel worse.

On this bumpy road it can seem like some days there are cruel reminders and problems at every turn, but sometimes it isn't too bad and it's these times we need to remember when we feel low to give us the motivation to keep going. When you want to shut the world away do it, but not for too long because there is so much to miss out on x x x x 

Don't ever feel guilty for how you feel honey, but it will get better remember that


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## mrs_ss30 (Dec 4, 2012)

Thank you for all your messages ladies.  I don't feel any better but I take some comfort in knowing it's not just me (though in a way I wish it was as no one should go through this).  Life isn't fair and I'll be honest it's making me resentful.  Cloudy - I understand everything you said about not cutting myself off and not feeling angry but at the moment that's exactly what I'm doing.  I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Each time a close friend tells me they are pregnant it feels like a betrayal because they know I'm trying so damn hard to get that and then they've started trying and done it so easily.  I know this isn't rational thinking but I'm utterly utterly fed up and heart broken.  Everyone else seems to be happy and moving on with their lives and we are just stuck.  I don't know how to change my situation.

I'm sorry you guys are all feeling/have felt the same way.  I know how much it sucks and I wish none of us had to experience this xx


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