# Hevs is doing an adoption Diary.



## **Heather**

Well, where do I start??  

I have only been on here for a few days, and have come straight into the Adoption forum, bypassing all the others. 
I came here as I was given this website by another member, and they said come along, its great.  
So here I am. 
Ive been nosing around, and think I want to do this. I am keeping a paper diary, so maybe one day we will have something to look back on, and if we ever do get the chance to adopt, we can show them so they can see how much we wanted them, and what we were prepared to go through to get them.

Ill go back to April 2004. 
I met my Hubby in April 2004, we hit it off and got engaged in June 2004.  (My 2nd marriage)
In August 2004 I was gobsmacked but ecstatic to find out I was pregnant, and it happened, a huge surprise!! But we were so excited. SO our planned wedding on May 1st 2005 was moved to September 2005, as baby was due early April 05.
My Mother in law had been battling cancer, and in November 2004 she took a turn for the worst and we decided to bring the wedding forward to November 04, but sadly MIL passed away 3 weeks before the wedding. 

Our beautiful girl was born April 2005, perfect, wonderful girl, my dream come true and my life was fulfilled.  

But at 6 weeks old she showed signs of losing the ability to move her limbs, to cut a long story short, on 9th August 2005, and she was 17 weeks old, we were told that the DNA analysis showed she had a condition called Spinal Muscular Atrophy type 1. 
A terminal, genetic muscle wasting condition, and with type 1 - 80% die before their 1st birthday, 20% before their 2nd. It leaves the child severely physically disabled, but mentally very bright and alert. 

Our wonderful girl passed away in my arms in October 2005, 2 days before turning 6 months old. 
Our world fell apart, the most precious thing in my life had been taken from us.  

Then in November 2005 it was confirmed that we were both carriers, and so have a 1 in 4 chance of passing it on to any other child we have.  
We could have a test at 11 - 12 weeks of pregnancy to see if the baby had it, then choose whether to carry on with the pregnancy knowing we will be burying another baby within a few months of its birth. 
Or we could terminate at that stage and so prevent the baby from going through what our girl did.
The condition is purely physical and mentally they are very bright. But to watch another baby go through that!!..

We could have PGD, which is IVF but they screen the sperm for the faulty gene and only fertilise the egg with a healthy sperm, its what the papers have been calling "designer babies". 
I did become pregnant naturally, but sadly in December 2006 at 8 weeks, i had a missed miscarriage, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. 

After losing our girl, it was a big body blow, and we then had to talk long and hard about the options open to us, as natural pregnancy is heartbreaking, we cannot relax until we have the CVS results and thats about 14 weeks.  Or we go through the PGD and the uncertainty that that brings with it not working, no sperm that are faulty geneless etc. 

So after a yr of discussing it, we decided to try and find our family another way. So adoption seemed an option that we both liked. 
We talked to my parents, (my inlaws are both dead), they were very supportive, told our siblings and my best friend. 
Then my hubby phoned the adoption team of our LA on April 7th 2008 (our girls 3rd birthday). 

We have our information evening on Monday May 12th. 

I have bought lots of books and we are reading through them, plus reading the posts on here. So I think we are kind of semi prepared. 
But I thought this might be a good idea to do, as sometimes putting thoughts down can help. 

So this is post one in our adoption diary/journey. 

Post one of very very many I should imagine.


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## **Heather**

Information evening over     it was interesting, we do have a lot of books, so some of what they covered, we had read about, so were aware of thankfully.   

But we were half hour early, and they wasnt ready for anyone to arrive so soon  .
We filled in the initial enquiry form when we got home, and I posted it on Tuesday, so now we are waiting for the SW to contact us with regards a home visit, then they do a motivation day!!! heaven knows what that is all about, and Im not looking forward to that, but hey ho!!  

Well that seems to be it for now, Ill update as and when more happens.  

Just thought of an addition to this, weight!!!!  
We spoke to the SW about us both being on the large side, and she said it would cause problems, they would still let us go through the process, but it was doubtful that the panel would approve us!!  Now Im worried.  We do both go swimming, and I have lost weight since beginning of this year, about a stone, not a lot in 5 months I know, but its better than a stone on. 
It worrying me now, think we shall see how the initial home visit goes and see if it gets brought up, we could talk about it more then.


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## **Heather**

Still not heard about the home visit, its just over a week since I posted out form off   Im not sure what to do, when to phone etc  
I hope they havent lost our form    

Ill leave it til friday I think then start chasing it up.


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## **Heather**

My 3rd post !! Blimey Ive pushed the boat out havent I  

Well, some exciting news, I had a phone call wednesday from the SW to say she wants to come out on Wed 11th June to do our initial enquiry home visit. 
I was all giggly and girly and she was laughing along with me by the time she put the phone down.
Hubby is having the afternoon off and he has been instructed to take the dog out and run her until she is so tired he has to carry her home, she is a 21 month old labrador and is all excitable.  
I dont want her being too excited when they come, I want her nice and calm and give a good impression.  

We have bought quite a few books, so I shall have them casually laid out on the table. 
I wasnt expecting a phone call quite so soon as they did say at our info eve that it could be up to 8 weeks before we get this visit. 

Still early days I know, But another step closer to the end. xx


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## **Heather**

Im late with this one as its nearly a week since they came and saw us. 


But last Wed, the 11th, we had our Initial enquiry home visit.  I didnt have to work so I spent the morning cleaning and hoovering everything. 
Peter finished at lunchtime, and I packed him off, after lunch, with the dog and a ball to the local pond, so he could wear the dog out before they arrived. 
Ok so the fact she would be wet didnt enter my head, but it wasnt a problem.
When he got home, we just sat and clock watched.  I had got down all the books I had brought about adoption (works out about 14 of them).  

They told us they would be here late pm, around the 4ish time. At about 3.45 they came up the path, we went through the whole " sh*t its them, dont open the door. 
Quick hold the dog.
Let them in.
Wheres the dogs treat.
Grab the dog."
And all the things that I have no doubt ppl have said at times, in times of fear panic and stress  

Anyway, they came in, the dog had a treat shoved in her mouth and she was packed off to lie down and be a good girl.

Drinks were made and then we settled down and talked. 
They asked questions and we answered as best we can. 
Of course, several times I tried to telepathically communicate to Peter to shut up as he was heading off on a tangent, then found myself doing it as well.
But we were as honest as we could be, and was happy to talk about Rosie's life and death. Im proud of my baby girl, so will talk about her til the cos come home.  

We discussed health, jobs, the fact we were married so quickly, our families, our past jobs, past relationships, what age children we were hoping to have with us. I was kind of caught out on that one, as we have said sibling pair, but when they asked me the ages I said 3 and 16 months!!  I wish I had been able to think about that one a bit more, but I guess thats the ages we are hoping for. 

Anyway after 2 1/2 hours, they left, they made lots of notes and said they hoped to talk to their manager about us before she went on holiday, but could not anticipate any problems. Then its on the waiting list for the motivation to adopt day. 

So hopefully we will hear next week if we have passed this stage.


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## dawny36

Hi Heather,

Just been reading your diary logs and finding them really interesting had to laugh about the labrador bit we have a very large yellow lab and I can still remember what he was like when we got our very first s/w visit. Look forward to reading the next entry mind you I am a bridget jones fan as well lol!

Take care

Dawny
xx


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## **Heather**

Hi Dawny, 

Ive just read back through the things I have written and cant believe it was me that wrote it all  

Anyway, next instalment -.............

Had a phonecall last week from Pam, one of the SWs who came round for our visit, and she apologised for not getting in touch sooner, but the manager had been away, but she is back, we have been discussed, and they want Peter to have an early medical, which is what we expected anyway. 
Although dont know why only him, guess even though we are both overweight, they are more concerned about his blood pressure and the fact he is on treatment for it, although he is only 38.  

The medical form arrived through the post last friday morning, I, note I said I filled it in!!!   and sent it back straight away, so it was winging its way back to them on Friday. 
Today he had a letter saying that they have sent a letter to our GP requesting the do his medical and he needs to now phone and make an appt for it. 
He is off next week so hopefully he can have it then.

Then its just waiting to see what goes on from there.


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