# School called us in....



## MrsYG (Oct 30, 2007)

We have a 4 yo who has been with us for 3 years. Since he started pre school last sept his behaviour has deteriorated. Not listening, won't follow instructions, difficulty getting him to bed. I suspect school gave called us in to discuss this behaviour. 

I'm at the end of my tether with it, he can be an angel for the majority of the time, and is super intelligent. I think he gets bored, but I'm sure they will mention add.

Anyone got any experience of how to help a child like this?


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi Mrs YG
Didn't want to read and run. My littlun is only 2 and a half so younger but did go through a period of not listening and aggressive behaviour with other kids at nursery. The staff did ABC forms to look for possible causes (antecedent, behaviour, consequence). This helped look for the cause, helped communication between us and allowed us to agree a set way of responding to behaviour. Thankfully this was really helpful and now only occasional issues. Linked to what you were saying one of the probs seemed to be when kids were bored and not closely supervised - i wonder if similar may be true for your son. I really relate re feeling awful about it, I used to get so upset and fearful they would think I was a bad parent (they didn't and as the manager kept reminding me they are children who are unable to manage big feelings as yet, so the adults need to help them regulate their behaviour and express their feelings in a different way). Really hope that the meeting is helpful for you and big big hugs.

Love Kiz  x


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## MrsYG (Oct 30, 2007)

Thanks Kizzi, Our LO is never aggresive with any children, he can be boisterous and impulsive sometimes.  He is constantly talking, chattering, singing... and does jump from one thing to another.  He can ask for Thomas tank lego out, and you set it up and within 2 mins he wants something else instead.  I am wondering if he's showing signs of adhd.
He has never liked carpet time/quiet time.... but he will watch a DVD and stay focused on it for about an hour.  He dislikes having to practice his writing, but I think this is common for most boys.  Interestingly in Europe, they don't start school until they are 6 as they are not considered ready.
I will see what school say later.  Thanks for your reply.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Sounds a bit like my boy, also 4. Is he starting school in September? At nursery my lo flits from one activity to another. He has very poor concentration. I moved him to a different nursery after one term as they found him challenging. There was hitting and throwing. He has done much better at the new nursery. They don't find him challenging and his behaviour is pretty good. He even sits still for carpet time. What has made the difference I'm not sure. It is less busy with fewer children and has more structure so maybe it's that.

Adhd is a possible for us. Lo's bf has it. The school are not concerned at the moment so it's a wait and see. I do know children with adhd can concentrate on tv. My lo can also sit and watch for an hour. I don't have any answers I'm afraid.


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## MrsYG (Oct 30, 2007)

The meeting was mainly about LO invading people's space, not riding the bike on the track (cutting across the playground).  Sitting too close to others at lunch time, and pulling at clothes to get attention of another child/person.  They said he has hit 2 children... But they haven't actually seen it themselves.  He has never ever been physical with anyone ever, so I just don't buy that. 

Whilst I know he has to obey the rules, I do think they are over reacting here or is it just me? Feel so cross and upset for my little one.  . Could just cry. 

They said they will set him behaviour goals in order to earn extra bike time, because this is his favourite thing. I agree with that rather than tackling him via timeout.


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Oh bless him, he's only 4!!
Sounds like he might be finding it a bit overwhelming  
They need to model the behaviour they would like, gently showing him how to get someone's attention, or maybe he's having trouble being heard in a busy environment...

I would be cross too   sounds like they've over reacted calling you in xx


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

MrsYG - sending you big hugs. I am a reception class teacher and have to say that all these things seem quite normal behaviour from 4 yr olds to me. Sounds like a group of my boys last yr!  I think they are over reacting. Sounds like the school need to put their own behaviour strategies into place properly. I am sure that working towards the behaviour goals will be all he needs. 
Some kids really need structure and when they start school, reception class can seem very unstructured to them xx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Big hugs!  I would really be asking if they have any awareness of any triggers for this behaviour?  With Bug, there are often triggers which appear to have nothing to do with the behaviour - tackling the behaviour gets nowhere, addressing the triggers gets results.  

I'd keep in regular non-confrontational dialogue with them - make them treat you as a partner in the process of your son's education, and make it clear you want to work together with them.

But yes, I think they're over-reacting.

Good luck!


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