# hi im new here



## Cazz1978 (May 22, 2006)

hi to all on here,
i'm hoping to find some answers on this site as to what options may be open to me,  
my husband and i went to see our gp about what treatment we could get on the nhs to assist us as we both in low paid employment and cant possibly afford to go private right now.  
to cut a long story short we've been together 6 years married for 4, but he had a vastectomy 11 years ago while still married to his ex wife, he has 6 children to her.   youngest is 12 oldest is 21, (he is 46)
im only 27, not got any children of my own but am desperate to be real mum.
My husband cannot have his vastectomy reversed due to them removing too much when he had the vastectomy done 
we were told we can not get any form treatment on nhs due to him having children already  
i'm so depressed about this, i feel ive been punished for marrying a man who already has children and really dont know which way to turn, we've considerd lots of options but seem to be hitting a brick wall everywhere we turn.
has anyone else been in this situation who could offer any advice?
Cazz XX


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## kia 06 (Apr 3, 2006)

Cazz.
Just wanted to welcome you to FF.
So sorry to see your feeling   at the moment. 
You have come to the right place. 
The nhs is a horrible system and very cruel.
We are saving for ivf at the moment, taking forever as we are on low income to.
Im sure someone will be able to help or  give you advice here.
There all great people here, Being an egg donor is a way of getting low cost ivf treatment,
and have you considered sperm donation.
Just thought its something to think about. Sorry i cant help much ! 
Sending you lots of     
Good luck
Kia.


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi cazz and welcome to the site.

I have not been in your situation but u will find some information on this site and get lots of support - would u consider donor sperm?

Kate


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

Oh Cazz-i haven't really got any advise for you but i'm sure i read somewhere it makes a difference if the children don't live with you,but don't quote me. It is a tricky situaltion but like kia said have you looked in to egg share? This will help with the costs-maybe something to look into? I hope you find this site as helpful as i have-i've also made some great friends so remember you aren't alone. I found this thread,i thought it might be useful http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,23613.0.html
Godd luck, Mel***


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## julie72 (Oct 10, 2005)

Hi Cazz

Just to give you some hope.  I am in a similar situation as yourself.  DF has two children from a previous marriage I have none.  

Don't know if we were one of the lucky ones.  We are presently on the waiting list for IVF on the NHS.

I am not sure what to say apart from keep trying to find out information you never know what you may find.  It seems that having TX on the nhs is a lottery.  

          

Hope this has help.

Julie


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Cazz

Welcome to FF!  Sorry you're feeling so   at the moment.. Here's a   to help make you feel better!

I dont have much experience of what the rules are for people in your situation as we have no kids and our male factor infertility is caused by a botched operation when my dh was 7!  On the one hand I remember the form we filled in asking if either of us had children which led me to believe that if we'd had any kids from anywhere else we wouldn't have been accepted on NHS but then as I was typing this I remembered my friends are currently having NHS tx at the same hospital as us and he is same as your dh, his kids are now grown up and him and his dh want a child together.  My understanding from him is that the NHS have paid for their ICSI but he has had to pay for his own surgical sperm retrieval aspect of it.  Althought that's not ideal for you, the costs are going to be more manageable than paying for the whole lot aren't they?

I think you need to ring your local Primary Care Trust (who hold the purse strings for your area) and find out what their policy is on funding Fertility Treatment for people in your position and maybe then you could broker a deal like my friend has??!   Worth a try isn't it?

Good luck whatever you decide to do..

Amanda x


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## ali* (Nov 29, 2005)

Hi Cazz
We were in a similar situation to you.  DH had a vasectomy reversal, but although successful we still didn't manage to conceive.
We were told that we were not eligible for NHS treatment as hubby has two children from previous marriage.  However - it appears to depend on where you live.  Here in Sussex & Surrey there is no NHS treatment if either of you already has children, but I understand that in other parts of the country different rules apply and you may be NHS funded for one or more cycles of IVF.  I know moving house is not something to be taken lightly, but it may be worth you finding out if there are any areas near you that would offer NHS treatment.
We decided that egg sharing was not an option for us, and therefore our only alternative was to go private.  So having been married for nearly 11 years we are finally having ICSI at the moment, and hope that the increased mortgage is worth it!
Best of luck
Ali


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## LoulouM (Oct 23, 2005)

Hi Cazz  

Just read your post. Please don't give up on the NHS yet. We didn't expect to get any NHS treatment when we started a year ago, and our GP told us that we definitely wouldn't as DH has DS to a previous relationship. I called St Helens PCT(I also live on Merseyside) and they told me that this only applied to children currently living with you and they went on to fund 2 cycles of ICSI at Liverpool Womens Hospital. I know funding can be a lottery but the government did promise a funded cycle for all women under 39 last year. Now should be the time for the PCTs to deliver on that promise....

I wish you and your DP the very best of luck

Loulou xx


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## Cazz1978 (May 22, 2006)

hi all
thankyou for your kind replies, this is the reason we cant have tx on nhs as his 2 youngest DD's live with us, my gp told us that the only way we would qualify for treatment was if they both went back to live with their mother which we could never force them to do as they were both severly unhappy there.
We are currently thinking about looking into egg sharing which may be our best option. have considered sperm donor bus DH is not to keen on the idea.
Its getting increasingly harder for me to deal with the whole situation as my DH has just been blessed with his first granddaughter by his eldest girl, i love her to bits dont get me wrong but i just cant get my head round the idea of being a grandma before im even a mum    it just doesnt feel right.
Cazz xxx


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## Cazz1978 (May 22, 2006)

I have just rang Manchester for an info pack on egg sharing, they were very nice and are sending me a pack out right away they also said if i have any queries or dont understand anything not to hesitate to ring back which i thought was lovely  we shall sit down and have a good look at it as i definately think it may be a way to go.
thanks for the advice guys 
Cazz xxxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Cazz

I'm glad you're feeling a bit more optimistic now and I hope the pack from Manchester contains good news!!   This is why this site is so good, cos when problems seem completely unsurmountable you can have a good brain-storming session on here and someone always has a good idea!! 

I really hope this works out for you hun...

Take care

Amanda x


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