# In Denial



## joby1 (Oct 20, 2006)

Hi

Like many on these pages, I feel sad, angry, guilty, frustrated & empty after the roller coaster ivf years and am now at the point where I need to make a decision - walk away from fertility treatment, consider adopting or embark on a life of being an auntie but never a mummy.

I change my mind every day about what we should do and what I want but part of me doesn't believe that I won't have my own child - I just can't happen to us! That kind of stupid mentality that does nothing but bring disappointment. 

I don't know whether to give it one last ditch attempt at ICSI (short protocol) although the consultant wasn't postive at all for a number of reasons (poor responder, low ovarian reserve, poor egg quality,  endo, damaged tubes & fibroids) or just put the money and emotional energy in to adoption I feel we need to make a decision now as if we go for the ICSI then that's another 6 months after that cycle ends before we could start to look at adoption. Part of me is so scared about adopting and then a selfish part of me thinks that hubbie and I should just bury our heads in the sand and get on with livng life for the first time in years. It's so confusing, I just don't know what to do.

Anyway,sorry to ramble but I just needed to write down how I feel I think.

Good Luck to everyone whatever path you've chosen


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## brown (Oct 19, 2007)

Hello
I am also quite new on here but found these ladies full of advice and support when needed, and feel only ourselves can make our choices of what path to take i have and still are in the same frame of mind as you and my Ivf failed 7 years ago. I have different emotions everyday I find I treat my dog and cat as my children Im sure my neighbours must think I have several as I talk to them like they are human, I just hope the animals dont answer me back though the dog tries . I dont find it easy to talk to my family about my situation hopefully you can.
I hope like me you find it helps to vent your feelings on here.
Best wishes Suxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Hi Joby, sorry you aren't feeling so good at the moment. This stage is so difficult as with IF you have a tendency to always want to know what is next. It is hard to let go of that and just live your life for a bit. But take it from someone who a year ago was in your position, taking time off and just being together will give you the space and freedom to decide what you really want to do next. Like you, after our failed ICSI and no point in doing anymore (was just kidding ourselves) our thoughts turned to adoption. We even went to an open evening but it was then that I knew I was not ready. My DH and I had not had the chance to be a normal couple without thinking about babies/children for years and I missed that. With the help and support of the ladies on here and attending one of Maggie's workshops I decided to walk away from fertility clinics and give myself time to live and just be. Now I know what I want to do next but I am not in any great hurry so if it doesn't work I really am ok with that, it is more a case of something I have to do before finally closing the door. I feel in a really healthy place and look forward to my future, babies or not and you too will get there. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on and remember that it is ok to feel sad, it is all part of the grieving process.

xx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

First of all welcome to our board - I hope the ladies here will be able to offer you wisdom and support. Second off, the whole business of deciding to stop tx is a process - you oscillate one way and then the other, eventually coming to a decision. Only you will be able to decide what's best - and I always say follow your heart in big decisions like this.
But if you want my own personal advice - it would be to ditch the IVF treatment and to look at adoption. Believe me, adoption is not the easy option and you will need plenty of emotional strength to cope with it. But at the end of the day - you will have your baby to hold. You are still young enough for adoption to be a sensible option. If I only knew back then what I know now - I would have gone for adoption! (Though now I'm 42, I'm feeling too old and frankly worn out from all the tx I have been through). I know that adoption isn't for everyone – but do give it serious thought. I honestly believe it would be worth it for you (especially since there are so many negative factors stacking up associated with tx - save your money!!).
Best wishes,
Bernie xxx


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## joby1 (Oct 20, 2006)

Hi Everyone

Thank you so much for your help and warm welcome to this board. It's given me the courage to follow my gut instinct which is to just forget about tx, adoption and fertility in general for a while and just put energy in to enjoying life for a bit with DH. I'm sure we will reach a stage when we're ready to consider our next step!

I really appreciate you sharing your own experiences and wish you all the best

Maybe I should get a cat!

Jo


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

I got a dog and he keeps me VERY busy!


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