# I AM ADOPTED!



## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi, I thought I'd just post how great adoption is!

I was adopted in 1967 at the age of 6 weeks.  My parents have always been completely open and honest about everything. Mum says they were told to whisper "you are very special, you are adopted" to me from day 1 - a kind of brain washing!! It was only ever a problem when I was about 8 or 9 as I thought I was far more special than anyone else!!

I can honestly say that I have never really thought of them as anything other than my only parents.  Occasionally I think I might like to trace my natural parents just to find someone who looks a little bit like me - it's a bit strange not looking like anyone in your family.  I've posted the odd message on websites to say "thank you & my life's turned out great!" but I've had no replies - i expect they have their own families by now.

The only time I remember being a bit upset about being adopted was when I was about 10 and my mum dropped into the conversation that I wasn't the first baby they'd tried to adopt - there had been 3 before me! Being completely egocentric it hadn't even crossed my mind that I wasn't the first!

Mum had quite a tough time as the first 2 were prem boys who were very sickly so she couldn't cope and gave them back. The next was a baby girl who mum had for 5 and a half months but her mum wanted her back just before the court case - devastating. 

I would have loved a sibling but it wasn't meant to be.  When I was 3 M&D tried to adopt another little boy, Sam. Unfortunately after a couple of weeks he kept projectile vomiting. Mum took him to the doctor in the village who declared that nothing was wrong.  However, it went on and again mum sent him back.  About 25 years later M&D went back to the village, had a drink in the pub, got talking to 2 old locals who informed them that the local doctor had been a bogus doctor and was jailed!! The odds onthat must be a million to 1! 

My dad must have just blanked the incident out as when M&D got a black lab puppy and were trying to choose names, Dad said "Sam" - Mum was horrified, and all Dad could say was "What baby?  I don't remember getting another one after Jess!!"  - Men!!

I have to say my parents are ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC and I couldn't have chosen better parents myself!

I really hope this encourages people, I know tons of other adoptees who all feel the same!

Good luck!
Jess x


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Thank you for sharing your story Jess - Heartwarming xx

I know it will help others to read your experience.

Jennifer xx


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## littleJen (Oct 8, 2004)

Hi Jess (and everyone else)

Me too! Adopted at 10 weeks in 1965. I also always seemed to have been told I was adopted so I think my parents must have done the whispering thing too! I never felt anything than very special - it is just so wonderful to have been chosen! When I was younger I used to imagine my parents going along a line of beds and picking me out! Even if I now know it wasn't exactly like that (I was the second child they were offered, they turned down the first one thankfully!) I still feel very special!

Just last weekend I had a conversation with my parents about it and we all agreed it was wonderful and amazing how none of us think about it, normally. It's always felt like I belong. I've never felt any different to natural-born children. For the record, I have 2 natural-born brothers, born 2 and 5 years after me - what can I say, we're just a regular family!

It's always felt like I inherited skills, tastes and habits from my (adoptive) parents, as we have so much in common. I even had curly red hair when younger as did my (adoptive) grandmother. I really believe from my own experience that nurture plays so big a part in who we are and what we're like (OK, not so much the hair bit!). So, prospective adoptive parents, I'm willing to bet your child(ren) will turn out to be much more like you than you could ever dream of!

So I just wanted to add weight of numbers to what Jess said really. Being adopted is great, all I have to do is think of it and I feel so lucky!

I've never wanted to trace my birth parents. I know from my parents that my birth mother was Canadian, but that's it. Why would I want to know more? I've got everything I could ever need now!

Good luck to all the adopters out there!

Jen 

PS I'd love to adopt if it were easier but I'm 40 and DH 45  so sad we're considered past it...


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Jen

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us, it really helps to know that your experiance of adoption is a positive one.

Thanks once again.

Mandyxx


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## mini (May 17, 2004)

Jess P and Little Jen 

thank you for sharing - very heart warming to read 

and may your personal dreams come true 

Love Mini xx


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi Little Jen,

Are you sure you're considered to old to adopt?  I know Suffolk SS will take older couples.

Good luck!
Jessx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi, thanks Jess and Jen for your stories, it's great to hear positive tales.

Jen, I think you've picked up the wrong end of the stick somewhere, my DH and I are both 42 and have had a little boy placed with us 6 weeks ago.  You may find it harder to adopt younger children as I think most authorities don't like there to be more than 40 years between the parent and the child but being older does not mean you can't adopt!!!.  In some ways I think it is a positive thing being an older parent as you have a lot more life experiences to share (although definitely not as much energy   )


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

HI,

Just wanted to say thanks for your messages, it is cheering to hear these happy stories.

Also, my LA will accept a 45 year age gap.  And I am 38 and my husband 39 and they have mentioned several times how 'young' we are and that if we want to adopt one now we could adopt another later as we are young enough.  So could be worth checking.

Jude


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## bodia (Apr 27, 2005)

I was also adopted and have had a positive experience. I have had some written contact with my birth mother, but not recently, and I didn't initiate contact. If any prospective adoptive parents are reading this and would like to ask questions etc, I am happy to help, just send me a message via this site.
Also, it's worth noting that I am mixed race, and my parents are both white, this has never been a problem for us, although others have at times been judgemental.

Good luck to all of you!


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## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi all,

Just spotted this thread (I really must get on the site more often and keep on top of things)

I am also adopted, my adoptive parents have 4 natural children all older than me and adopted me when I was 6. I have been in contact with my birth parents for a few years now and they stayed together and had 2 other children that they brought up themselves. I therefore find it very expensive at christmas but wouldn't have things any other way. I am lucky and blessed to have two seperate families who both love me and have my best interest at heart. When DH and I adopt, our kids are going to be spoilt rotten and also very confused as to who is who in my family.

But above all, the love between my adopted parents, siblings and me is unconditional. They could never be replaced and they, along with DH, are the most important people in my life. After all when you marry you get a whole new load of relatives (the in-law's) so I guess I think of my birth family the same way, an extended part of the family I get on really well with but ours is an adult relationship and they treat me as such and recognise they do not have the right to parent me.

Anyhow, just thought I'd mention that, I am on a posting frenzy tonight then you probably won't see me for another few weeks...lol

Morgana xx


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Just thought I'd add, as another adopted person, that in speaking with my adoptive mum recently about my negative IVF cycle and in thinking about adoption she said that she forgets most of the time that I was adopted. It surprises her when she remembers.

Someone on the boards (is it Dee?) who is planning to adopt has a signature that says she is "growing her child in her heart" and I think that is a lovely way to look at adoption.

Good luck with adopting!

Heather


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Heather

Its Molly who has that in her ticker. The FP of one of my girls adopted a child herself after having her own children (she was one they had fostered for a long time, my little girl was her 138th child!) and had a poem that someone had written for her which I think sums up adoption.

Not flesh of my flesh
nor bone of my bone
but still miraculous my own
Never forget for a single minute
you didn't grow under my heart
but in it 

Lovely to hear all your positive adoption stories.

Love
Karen x


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Hi Karen

Have written that down, glad you are enjoying being a mum! I am sure your little girls are made up too!

Love

Heather


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## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

hi Karen yes it me with my poem .
were waiting on going to panel   soon 18 Aug a week before my   b-day.. and then were of do Disney USA 26 august.
looking forward to Aug we dint normally when we get older lol
...take care girls and good luck to you all xxx


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Lovely poem - made me fill up!!

Good luck to everyone on the adoption route - my parents are so wonderful, I count my blessings every day   - I'm sure your children will feel the same!

Jess x


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## Just Jess (Sep 23, 2004)

I know that this is an 'old' thread, but I just wanted to say how heartwarming it is to hear from those who have been adopted, and to hear how it has all turned out. I know that one of the thorns in my life at the moment is my father, who hasn't seen me in over 15 years, despite my trying to contact him, especially in view of the London bombings, from which he could have become a casualty.

At least you know that your (adoptive) parents wanted you, and could never just abandon you like my father has.

My DH and I have been trying for over 8 years via all the usual paths, and have concluded that if our FET doesn't work in the spring, we'll adopt (hence looking it all up again).

Thanks to you all for posting and sharing your thoughts. It's a positive thing for everyone, and far more guaranteed than the fertility rollercoaster.

xx Jess


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Hi Jess

I read your post and just wanted to say you are not alone with the kind of problem you have with your father. 

Birth families can be tough when they don't want to know. Especially when we are trying so hard to start families for ourselves, you do think how can I want children so much and my own biological parents had children and didn't want to know. The bombings brought a lot of things about families to the surface - for me it was a call from one of my birth family that afternoon, I found that quite difficult as I hadn't heard from them for so long. I kind of thought why contact me now if you were not interested before. Difficult stuff, especially when you are dealing with fertility things too.

Anyway, best wishes with your FET or with adoption if that is the route you take    

Heather


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## Mowgli (May 15, 2004)

Yep guess what....... im Adopted too, i also found my birth parents and to be honest wa really glad i was adopted and have the best parents in the world......

Although i had a chance of happiness with a wonderful family (I was adopted at 3 weeks old) i would find it very difficult to give up a baby for adoption and anyone who has done so i take my hat off to....



Regards

Mowgli


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