# Are we too old



## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi 

This is my first time posting on the adoption thread.  To give you a little bit of my background.  I have undergone 3 courses of IVF.  The 1st cycle, I got pregnant but miscarried at 9 weeks.  2nd cycle, got a negative.  This cycle, I am now 9 weeks pregant, had a scan yesterday and the heartbeat is now very week, and it hasn't grown as much as it should have since the 7 week scan.  We have another scan next wednesday, but have resigned ourselves to the fact that there is not a lot of hope left.  As it is now I feel like we have come to the end of the road as regards IVF.  It was bad enough losing 1 baby but 2, I certainly dont think I could go through it all again to possibly loose a 3rd baby, it has just emotionally drained us both.

Adoption is something we have discussed quite a number of times.  And I think it will be the logical step for us, but I just worry that we are too old, I am 40 and hubby is 41.  And as with the majority of people we would like to adopt a baby or a toddler.  Realistically are we too old?

How do we get the ball rolling on the whole process.  I know we obviously have to wait for at least 6 months (I think??) after IVF.  But is there anything we can start to do in the new year. 

I am desparate for any advice. 

Dee xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through 

gotta be quick but in short No you are not too old to adopt..others will be along soon telling you their ages so i'll leave it to them but dont be worrying about it while you are waiting for them  
kj x


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi Keemjay

Thank you very much for putting my mind at rest.  Lovely to see that your dream came true.  

Dee xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Dee

Firstly massive hugs for what you have been through and what your going through now- dont give up hope just get

ref adoption- no your not too old! on our prep i was one of the younger ones at 28- most are in their 30s and 40s (my DH was 32 at the time) 

We met people in their 40s and 50s who had adopted- as long as you feel able to keep up with an active little one/s then thats all that counts.

Ref how long to wait post the outcome of this preg- i would start by having a look at www.baaf.org.uk to get some info and maybe answer some questions you have, it has a guide of LA (local authorities) and VAs(voluntary agencys ) on there, you can apply to any within a 50mile radius of your home town, we personally went to one we liked which was also approx 40miles from us as the LA in our area couldnt place a child/ren with us as too close to birth families

good luck

xxxx

/links


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi Emeraldgirl

firstly just want to send you both a massive   , so sorry to hear what you are going through.

No way are you too old.  I'm 40 (41 next month) & DP is 42, we did our prep course when I was 39 & DP 41 (we were some of the older one's in the prep group MJ mentioned    )

We were matched with a 16 month old boy who has now been home 11 weeks.  I have to admit there have been times when I'd wished I was younger as it's very exhausting keeping up with a toddler!!  I found the first couple of months very hard, whilst my DP seemed to take to being a daddy like a duck to water.  But now we are settled we are so pleased we took the adoption route.

Re the waiting 6 months after treatment, it depends on which LA you choose.  Our last IVF resulted in another m/c and we sent the application to our LA a week after my ERPC. They were more than happy to let us go ahead as we explained to them that we had been thinking about adoption ever since we started to ttc and especially alongside the last two IVF's, and felt we needed to give the IVF one last go, so we could walk away without thinking "what if".  They could see that we'd had more than enough of tx.

If you feel in your heart that adoption is the route for you, then go for it, I wish you every success, you are definately not too old!  

Anabelle
x


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi there

I am sorry to hear your story and hope your next scan gives you some good news.....

You are definately not too old for adoption. I am 40 and my DH is 41 we have just been selected for a little boy who will be 18 mths when we bring him home.
On our prep course couples ranged from their mid 20's to their 50's.
Your age really need not be a concern.

Love and luck Crusoe
x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Anabelle said:


> No way are you too old. I'm 40 (41 next month) & DP is 42, we did our prep course when I was 39 & DP 41 (we were some of the older one's in the prep group MJ mentioned  )


Didnt mean just you hun

was fab to meet your DS today

Good luck dee

xxxx


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

MJ - was only joking hun  

Yes was a lovely afternoon wasnt it, shame the music was so loud the parents didnt get a chance to chat without shouting......ooops is that me showing my age    Was lovely to meet your 'family', your DS is sooooo much like DH

A
x


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## CAREbear1 (May 15, 2005)

I'm 41 and have been matched with a 16 month old little girl, and looking at the above posts- nope you aren't too old.
Sorry to read of everything you have been through and   for you for a good outcome at your next scan.
xxx


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi Ladies

Thank you very much for your replies.  Your stories and happy outcomes just cemented the fact in our minds that we are taking the right route with adoption.  I feel very happy about it.

Did you all finally go through Local Authority or Voluntary agencies.  If so, do the voluntary agencies charge and what type of charges are you taking about.  I am so grateful for the information you have given me so far.  

Dee xx


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi girls (again)

Sorry for all the questions, I forgot to ask also, how did you finally decide on the agency you used (be it LA or Voluntary)  What criteria did you base it on.  I would hate to go down the wrong route and only find it out months down the line.  Sorry for all the questions, its all new to me. 

Dee xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

You may pay for your medical which is approx £100 each (its what your GP charges you so each is differant in charges) however this is normally it

I think you need to ring around a few LA/VAs and you will get a feel for the one that is "right" for you

good luck

xxxx


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi M J

Thanks for your reply.  What are the most important questions to ask the LA's/Agency when you first make contact with them.  I am really worried that I wont ask the correct/relevant questions and end up going down the wrong route.  Any advice/guidelines you could offer would a big help.

Dee xx


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