# It's like someone 'out there' just wants to keep knocking me down!!



## Scorpio25 (Jan 5, 2012)

I am so angry and upset I just need to vent! As I am sure you can all relate to, I've had one of those days where you find out ANOTHER person is pregnant! This month we have started fertility investigations and I was trying my best to remain calm and positive. And I was doing pretty well until I find out one of my best friends /sister in law is pregnant again which was by accident! My neighbour also keeps repeatedly telling me how she's going to be a grandma soon as both her children's partners are expecting. My other best friend is pregnant too and even on I'm a celebrity they're announcing bloody pregnancies! For gods sake - why does the universe seem intent on mocking me. I feel so lonely with this. I now don't want to go to any Christmas celebrations because I will feel so awkward and embarrassed when they're all standing around talking about the exciting new to be addition to the family. I don't even want to see anyone who's pregnant at the moment. How am I ever meant to continue remaining positive when I keep getting kicked in the stomach left right and centre. That's how it feels whenever I hear someone is pregnant. And then I get so mad when I hear how easy it was for them! 

How do you all cope? Any advice would be gratefully received. Rant over :-(


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

Didn't want to read and run, so here are some hugs   


it is an absolutely rubbish situation to be in. I know exactly how you feel. And it can feel like you are being punished. It saps the enjoyment out of everything because mostly, in the normal world, people don't realise how blummin hard it is, or how lucky they are and it leaves you feeling like you just don't belong, like you can't relate to your 'friends'. 


My advice, go with the flow. If you do not wish to be around preggers, don't be around them. Treat yourself kindly, and talk to your friends. IF is such a personal thing, it's not something you want to explain to people, but the odd line like 'I'm struggling with other people being pregnant, I'm happy for them, but absolutely gutted for myself and my partner'... will go a long way. people tend to imagine that if you don't say anything, you are OK. Actually, people WANT to imagine that you are ok, they will know that it's difficult, but dare not say anything because A. it's really awkward, they feel bad because they have what you want. B. they don't know if you want to talk about it, or don't want to talk about it C. people are a bit selfish and if they haven't experienced this sort of pain, they can't imagine what it is actually like. they think they know how they would act in your situation, but they don't know.


I really feel for you xxx


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## Ames xxx (Nov 24, 2014)

Scorpio25....I feel your pain, anger,hurt....every feeling your having.. It really is the worst feeling in the world isn't it. I watch the odd Jezza Kyle when off work ( I know..... I am slightly embarrassed to admitting that ) and the people on there seem to sneeze and tadahhhh pregnant! 

I find sometimes I turn into a person I don't like as I think why are they pregnant....They don't deserve it they smoke, drink, don't look after themselves etc etc and I feel awful for thinking those things but it's hard not to.  Then I start thinking that's why I am not blessed with a baby cos I think this way! It's crazy how your mind works. 

I have just had my first failed ivf cycle and my cousin told me the 3 days after my embryo transfer she was pregnant and 6 days later I was told I wasn't. I now have to watch her go through her pregnancy knowing she is roughly at the stage I would have been at if the ivf had of worked.....its so upsetting.

But the majority of people on here are in the same boat and i am sure we have all at some point thought these things whether we like to admit it or not. We are human and everybody deserves to be a parent so when it doesn't happen for whatever reason your entitled to think why me.

I wish you all the luck in the world for the future and sending you wishes that your time will come soon. Keep that brave face on....... its all we have at the moment xxxx


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## Scorpio25 (Jan 5, 2012)

Hi wendycat and ames

I really really appreciate you not reading and running! Thank you. 
Both of you have understood precisely how I've been feeling - luckily I feel much more back to my old self today. 

Ames I have totally had the exact same thought processes when watching jezz k  lol! (I'm not ashamed to say it..... I love watching it!) 

Ames I'm so sorry your ivf didn't work on this occasion. My friend once told me that the first ivf is a trial run so the docs can work out how your body responds and then what the best protocol for you is. Would you be able to tell me what your first ivf experience was like? I'm happy if you would rather pm me. 

Thanks again for your support. Babydust to us all! Xxx


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## millpill (Sep 14, 2014)

Scorpio I totally sympathise with you. We have been TTC for 2 years, male factor identified and on waiting list for ICSI.  Everytime I go on ** there is someone announcing their pregnancy.  I seen 4 in one day last week!! You feel like going off your head!! I have tried as hard as I can to forget about the heartache and try focus on other things such as work, friends etc. I haven't got to the stage that I can't bare to be around pregnant women yet. Quite a few of my friends know what we are going through and are very supportive.  Keep your chin up x.


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## teammonkey (Apr 19, 2014)

Scorpio I didn't want to read and run too! 

I think we can all relate to how you are feeling, this year so many friends, have got pregnant. My sister who I don't speak to got pregnant in April, a month after she met someone new, I cried all day, hysterically! My friend who already has three kids, who smokes and drinks way too much got pregnant without trying. I was devastated! It's like you want to be able to happy for others, but you want what they can achieve without trying, and know you deserve it more after all you've fought so hard to get it, and it does make you bitter. 

All I would say is don't punish yourself for feeling the way you do, it's natural we all do, going through what we've been through. Like others have said, do whatever feels right for you. I did begin to isolate myself from certain friends as it was too hard being around them. My friend whose pregnant for the forth time, told me while I was going through IVF.. I was like come on? Give me a break! I had decided before this point to put me first, so just told her I couldn't be around her right now, and she understood. Luckily I got pregnant first IVF, and I'm now 16 weeks, I  wish you all the luck in your investigations, and I hope you can achieve your dream soon xxxx


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## shayv (Sep 27, 2014)

hello scorpio25. you sound just like me on a bad day! there are some days i spend crying and some days i can laugh about it. something that has helped me get through those down days is to stop myself from crying and do one thing that makes me happy. (baking bread, planting vegetables, taking a walk, reading a book or watching an episode) it feels like i am worth something and that i have cared for myself.( also helps as i have whole veg garden going and all my neighbours have bread) Also always remember if it is meant for you it will never miss you. children are gods gift and they dont belong to us, they are gifted to us and when our gift is due, it will surely come my darling!it wont miss you! we can take this time to nurture our body get enough sleep, eat well and strengthen our relationship with our spouse, almost get ready for our gifts. It hurts me too when friends and family round me fall pregnant without even trying, my sis in law smokes, does drugs, is such a cow to her husband, but boom! happened to her instantly. god is just testing your strength and he will only present you with what you can bear, never more, so fear not we shall all be gifted our presents soon! for the time being focus on urself and be good to yourself - often we are the last ones to be thought of or pampered! i know i was. Since on this ttc journey i have started to look after my skin drink more water, nourish my body with good food and yoga,sleep more! soon it will pay off i am sure.so cheer up my darling and hurry off to do something for yourself! 
are you on any vitamins??


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