# 1st child and ET?



## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Hello,

I don't have anyone to look after Ethan during my ET next month    He doesn't attend nursery/childminders yet,  DH's family who all live nearby don't see him often enough and they work during the day anyway, my family live 150 miles away, and the two best friends I have who I'd normally leave him with are out of action too - one is back to work now, and the other is quite selfishly expecting a baby 3 days before my planned ET, so she's hoping to be busy with baby-related things of her own!   
DH has said he'll take the day off as planned but won't come into the room with me, he'll stay in the waiting room with Ethan and come and see me later but that makes me a little sad really, hopefully we'll be making baby#2 and he won't even be there!  Am I being too emotional about this?! 
I keep thinking it over, and the only way I can see it working is if we drive down to my mum's 150 miles away, drop Ethan off there, and then drive back to the clinic (which is half way between our houses) have the ET, then go back and get Ethan.  Or maybe I'm being silly and I should just go and have it done on my own, while DH has Ethan? 
Anyone else faced this dilemma?!

Marie xxx


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## Edna (Mar 19, 2005)

Hi Marie,

Not an easy call at all. I really wanted my DH to be present but was lucky enough to have someone to babysit Evelyn.

However, when I went for my last ET another couple brought their child and he was looked after by the clinic staff while they went in for ET. Would this be a possibility for you? Not ideal but at least it would mean you would have DH to hold your hand. You'd need to clear it with the staff first though.


Edna


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## ~SUGAR~ (Mar 25, 2006)

It is hard, I know. When I had ET here in Turkey, they simply don't allow anyone except theatre staff into the room. I was a bit shocked and upset at first, because like you, I thought this was something we should be doing together! But I have to say, it was ok and I saw DH immediatey after, so if you do have to go in alone, try not to fret about it too much. In the scheme of things, it's only for a short amount of time, and when you get your beuatiful BFP it won't matter a jot that DH wasn't in the room. You know you have his love and support, regardless, and that's what really matters.

I think it would be a lot to do all that driving on the day of ET to take Ethan to your mom's, but Edna!s idea sounds good, so maybe the clinic can help out.

All the best!

Love Jo xx


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## HJG (Jan 23, 2006)

I have to say yes the travelling plan does sound a little silly but I am pretty sure that is what I would do.  I suppose you could look at it two ways.

The traditional act of making a baby   isn't a family event (ewwwww!) so it is understandable to want it to be you and DH, however, this is not the traditional way of making a baby and therefore perhaps normal rules don't apply.  Maybe knowing that DH and DS are just the otherside of the door rooting for you is just as special.

I have to say I'm very jealous of my time alone with my DH and I think I would want him to myself for this very special event.

Good luck for ET.

HJG


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## Rachel (Mar 10, 2004)

Hi Marie

Can totally relate to how you are feeling hun   We are having an FET in July in Spain and my dh is staying here to look after the girls. 

Our clinic in Spain doesn't allow partners to be with you for et but they are allowed in straight after (not sure why) and that's what dh did the first time. I shall miss him alot this time but know he'll be looking after the girls so that I can relax. 

I think Edna's idea is a good one. I am sure if it was my UK clinic they would be happy to do that too. 

Good luck with the transfer hun    

Love, Rachel xxx


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Thank you all for the thoughts on this matter.  I think we'll either go with Mark staying outside with Ethan in the recovery room, they take you there to lie down for 45 minutes after so we can all be together as a family then.    I see my Dr. on thursday for a scan (Ethan will be coming) so I will speak to them about it then, see if the nurse/recpetionist wouldn't mind having him for the ET or if they wouldn't mind Mark and Ethan using the room.  I just feel I need at least Mark, and Ethan near me at this time, last thing I want is Mark stressing me about travelling, and I know I'll be a bundle of nerves about the embies thawing on ET day, so I'd rather not be travelling up and down the country! 

Marie xxx


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## cnld (Apr 6, 2008)

Hi

I have a DD from my 3rd ICSI born Dec 2004 so now just over 3 and a little older than your Ethan. We are trying for number two and are currently on our third and final fresh ICSI attempt for this. Our previous two attempt were when DD was 23 month and 27 months plus a frozen cycle at 34 months.

Nobody knows we are having treatment and we don't have anyone close by to look after DD so on those cycles for all appointments be they scans, EC or ET DH and DD came with me but waited in the waiting room. This suited me best as I knew DD was being looked after by someone I know and trust (clinic staff did offer to babysit so DH could come in but I didn't feel comfortable with that) and I didn't have the stress of her being in the room with me (not even sure it would have been allowed) getting bored and restless.

We are all different and view the treatment in different ways but to me the whole process of getting pregnant is clinical and proceedural so it makes no difference if DH is in the room or not when transfer takes place - what is important to me is having him there supporting me afterwards and during 2WW and knowing my DD is content and happy with the toys in the waiting room.

Hope you work out what is best for you - the main thing is for you to feel relaxed however that may be for you.

Good luck!


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## rontuck (Jan 6, 2005)

Marie - Just want to say    for your ET on Friday.  

Instead of driving 150 miles to your Mum's, can you pay for her to travel down to yours, say on the train, so she can look after Ethan while you & DH go to the clinic alone?

Sorry if it maybe a bit short notice to give to your Mum but I've only just seen this thread!

Ronnie
xx


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