# Is DE My Way Forward Due to Age and M/Cs ?



## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Hi, i'm looking for some advice.

I have been ttc for 2 years and my AMH level is on the low side and i've had the heartbreak of 3 miscarriages at about 10 weeks.  No one can find a reason for the m/cs and I have a DS and can get pregnant and I think it must be that my eggs are poor quality due to my age.  I really want to try to have another child and am wondering if I should now consider DEs ?

Does anyone have any advice   I would really appreciate it as I have not thought about this until the last week and dont know what the full implciations are.

LucyM xxxx


----------



## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Lucy
I can imagine how shattered you must be following three miscarriages.  DE may well be the way forward for you and it can be a wonderful way of starting or adding to a family...but you are right to want to think through all the implications first as it is not the right for everyone.  I suggest you have a look at our website www.dcnetwork.org and particularly at the Letter Leaflet, Planning a Family using Egg Donation: Letter from Rachel.  You will find it in the Free Downloads section.  
Our experience shows that taking time (and this could be as little as a week or two or up to a couple of years) to grieve for your inability to now carry to term a child genetically connected to you and really adjust to using the eggs of another person and everything this means for your whole family, including the child, is more likely to bring about long term happiness for all involved.  This can be harder, although it is absolutely possible, for someone who has already had a child without assistance.  Talking with others who have been there before you can help (do join us at DC Network for this) and/or you may find it helpful to have some sessions with a good counsellor.
Very best of luck
Olivia

/links


----------



## Angelmummy (Jan 28, 2008)

Hi

Just want to say welcome... I am new too. Just found out I need donor eggs a couple of weeks ago  But, I have had an indication that this was the case for about 8 months so I have had some time to get used to the idea...

I am sorry for your miscarriages. I have suffered seven so I do know how heartbreaking it is. 

I have my first counselling appointment in a couple of weeks so am starting to feel quite positive.



Good luck with whatever you decide!

Love Kay
xx


----------



## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Assuming that you have tests for clotting problems, (though probably not natural killer cells?) the chances are it is your age. I got pg and had 7 miscarriages between 2004-7 (aged 39-41) but I was lucky two embryos were tested and once I knew they were abnormal it made me realise I could wait a long time to catch a good egg.

Having one child already, I actually found moving to DE quite easy... I don't have the grief that I will never have a genetic child...


----------



## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi Lucy
It can be an incredible shock when you are told that you need donor eggs even if you can kind of work it out for yourself.
Its made hard when you have conveived first time round with no problems and caught again quickly only to have m/c
It takes time and as Olivia says it can be anything to weeks, months or years and is not something to take on lightly as has many implications but as you will see from the de newbie thread lots of people are doing it (last count there were 23 girls on there) and there are lots of other threads on here on abroadies etc. As you are no doubt aware there is a shortage of donors in the UK due to various reasons and there has been some fierce debates on here about going abroad and about the whole what you tell the donor conveived child etc ( not all helpful I might add and something I have decided not to get involved in although many a time I have been tempted!).
Anyway not really sure what I am trying to say other than you must also be aware that donor eggs might not solve all your problems either (sorry to say) as I have just had my third m/c but this last time it was with a donors eggs (I was lucky enough to meet a wonderful person on here and we became friends before she offered me the best gift anyone could give) However, it was not a decison we took lightly and there was a lot of heartache, tears and discussion before we agreed - silly really when it was such a wonderful act and gift - however I digress something I am very good at.  To cut a long story short after 2 m/c a 6 month break, alternative remedies, clommid, more alternative remedies and a failed IUI we decided to go straight to IVF with DE as this is what the consultant suggested or genetic testing at 2k a pop.  After lots of appts and talking to the new clinic who did not understand why we did not want to try with our own eggs! we got there and on 7th Nov Angela had EC and gave us her 20 eggs, we were made up and thought we would suppy a football team but we also decided to go to blasts so after five days there were four clear front runners - 2 went in on 12 nov and 2 were put on ice on 13th , we got a BFP and saw the h/b at 6 and 7 week scans which was fab but alas at my 10 week scan we found out it had stopped at 8 wks 3 days. I always have silent m/c.  On Monday we go to have some tests and hopefully soon we will get the results back from our beanie so as present we do not  know
1) whether is chromonal and such  bad luck that the top 2 text book embryos had something wrong with them? and that I am just so incredibly unlucky like you to have been the 1 in 5 who m/c three times!
2) that something is happening inside me at the 8-9 week stage (my first m/c stopped at 9 weeks although this looked more developed than that one they are saying the last one was just over 8 weeks) the 2nd m/c they could not see anything at 8 wk scan!
We just need to wait and see I believe I might be having what they call a preg risk assess and hopefully some tests - not sure what or when or how much but have cleaned there is the killer cell one that costs about 500 and the clotting one.  I am still trying to find out more.
HOpe this helps but really you need to take your time, search on here and just write to people - everyone is so nice.
come over the the denewbies - yes its busy but we always welcome newbies with open arms and it so helps to discuss your feelings with people who are in the same boat and are going through it NOW!!
good luck
love
susie


----------



## Angelmummy (Jan 28, 2008)

Hi Suzy

sorry to see you r sad news.  

just wanted to say that to me it sounds like you may have a blood clotting problem. I have one and all my pregnancies that have got passed 6 weeks (i.e. were normal and didn't have a problem due to my age) were missed miscarriages with no bleeding or symtoms - the pregnancy just ended even after HBs seen.

I am convinced that if I had the chance to try Heparin. I woudl have had a good chance - but I could not conceive again.

Sometimes these problems do not show up on the bloods. I had lots of normal tests and only St Marys picked up my problem. By then it was too late!

I would recommend that for your next pg you try Heparin if at all possible.

    

Love Kay
xx


----------



## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

thanks appeciate that
obviously now talk to you on de newbies but thanks for that
we go tomorrow so will ask them about that
luckily it worked with Angs eggs so hopefully it will again
love
susie


----------



## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Thanks everyone for their replies its really helpful to hear from others in a similar position.  I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all, as I don't know any young women who would donate their eggs I think I'm i that difficult position of either waiting 2 years plus (times not on my side) in the UL or going abroad.  The thought of that terrifies me as its hard enough having a txn in the UK.

Kay they recommended Harpin next time for me, I was going to self prescribe it but as my tummy was so sore from the GIFT operation i couldn't face more injections.  I got tested for all blood clotting and they didn't find anything wrong.

Drwonedgirl 7 m/cs, you must have been wiped out.  It takes so much out of you physically and emotionally.  Where did you go for DEs ?  We are both White with brown hair green and blue eyes so Spanish clinics would probably find it harder to match us.

Suzie really hope this time it works for you.  Your donnor sounds amazing.

Anglemummy are you going through DEs in the UK ?

Olivia thanks for the link I've had a look at the letter and its really helpful.  I'd love to do DE in the UK but am concerned it would take me a few years and I really want a brother / sister for my son and didn't want the age gap to be too big.  Its already going t be at least 5 years.

LucyMxxxx


----------



## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Lucy
You are right that is the position most people fine themselves in and the consultant almost told us to go to Spain!
I know I was lucky and I know DG wont mind me saying but here friend donated to her too.
I did actually have a couple of friends who offered a couple of which were too old but am not sure its something that would have worked with one of my friends even though it was really nice of her. Its such a difficult decision and so emotional.  I did not realise that there are clinics all over Europe and am sure some are better than others.  If you come over to the denewbies thread (Angelmummy is posting there as well) I know there are a lot over 20 odd at last count but we all have diff experiences and it helps.
We are awaiting two test results today on that thread as well.
Just wanted to say good luck, take your time and just keep looking on here.
love
susie


----------



## Angelmummy (Jan 28, 2008)

Hi

i would defintely use Heparin and if I do get pg again (which could only be with a DE) I will use aspirin, heparin and steriods!   I realise that my next pg will be my last.

I asked about UK waiting lists and was told that cos of the law change the list had been closed and although it had just been re-opened they couldn't give me any idea how long the wait was! In fact the consultant gave us the name of a clinic in Spain! I think that after the tragedy of losing 7 babies, the dr  actually sympathised with me and didn't want to mess me around!

I may be able to use my sis BUt she has just had a baby so would have to wait until she has finished breastfeeding. Also. she will be 39 in June so is not a very young donor. But if it did work, it would be great to have a family resemblance. We lost our mum last year and it would mean so much if any baby I had looked like my family. 

BUT if not, I have no hesitation in going to Spain. I would adore a baby and welcome it into our family no matter how it was conceived!

I always say to people 'look how much I love my cat's - I adore them and I didn't give birth to them!!!!!' 

   

Love Kay
xxx


----------



## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

lucymorgan said:


> Drwonedgirl 7 m/cs, you must have been wiped out. It takes so much out of you physically and emotionally. Where did you go for DEs ? We are both White with brown hair green and blue eyes so Spanish clinics would probably find it harder to match us.


I did enquire about Spain, CERAM had quite a long wait for blue eyes but I think other more expensive clinics don't.. there is also Kiev and Moscow etc.

I was lucky a friend donated, her hair and eye colour is similar to me and DP (brown/blue) but actually, unless you are really determined to keep it a secret, brown eyes would be OK. Few people would know you and DP were both blue eyes and hence unable to have a brown eyed child.


----------



## crazycat4 (Feb 21, 2007)

Hi there
We are having donor egg treatment at LWC Darlington. We waited  10 months 1st time then 8months second time for match. Hope for implant of embryos in March


----------

