# HELP DO I GO THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN!!!



## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi ladies, 

i have not been on here for a while, we had a failed cycle in december and its been really difficult to deal with.......more so than i thought.

we were looking down the route of adoption but my dh thinks we should try one more time but I am really not sure I want to go through it all again.

we were on the egg share program me and got 18 eggs which i received 9 and 5 went to blast, treatment all went ok and i responded well to the drugs however my lining was rather thick (14mm) and I don't feel transfer went as well as it could of but other than that it seemed to go ok.

I have not yet had my follow up appointment as Ive not felt ready so I know there are lots of answers that no one except the doctor can tell me but really the questions I wanted to ask is - can I really go through it again?

and why would there be a different outcome this time? 

any advice or experiences of similar situations would be really appreciated 

x


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Hi Harper, 
Sorry your treatment failed. How many transfers have you been through? Can I say something.... just so you know that not every embryo becomes a baby so yes there is plenty of hope for you. I found the hardest bit of the fertility journey was waiting and I am sure you are scared but what is stopping you move forward? I know it is hard but you have to end the ivf journey before venturing onto adoption as you will think about it! Be true to yourself! 
Failed ivf is very damaging mentally but the waiting to move forward can make it so much worse. 
Be kind to yourself and your dh. Good luck x x x


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Harper
So sorry you find yourself in this position.  Without knowing more about you, it would be impossible to advise what you should do (and even then I would never give such advice!).  

Every time I have had a failed treatment – and you can see from my signature that I have had a lot – I ask the same questions “Can I go through it all again?”, “Am I ready to give up?” But I always answer with “Am I happy to say ‘that’s that’ and live a life without a child?” And the answer to that question has always been ‘no’.  So whilst I don’t want to go through it again, can’t afford to do it again and certainly don’t enjoy doing it all, I know that I will indeed be trying again.

I do know from these boards that most clinics seem to learn from the 1st IVF cycle, so they may indeed have ideas on how to improve success.  You will have to speak to your consultant to know more.

As Frangipannii said, this is a tough road to be on and you need to be kind to yourself and your DH.  If you do decide to go ahead, give yourself time to heal first.  I rushed into my second IVF and looking back, it was way too soon.  Perhaps if I had given myself just a couple of more months I would have been in a stronger place emotionally.

Give yourself the time you need to make the decision that is best for you both and good luck with whatever you decide to do.
  
Turia x


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Thank you girls for taking time to reply.

I think the worse thing for me is the cycle appeared to go so well so then to fail makes me think why would it be different second time round?

I got a good number of eggs, the quality was apparently good, lots made it to blast I have frosties but yet it didn't work!

The only potential things I felt could have been a problem

1) was my lining too thick? From memory it was 15mm

2) transfer was stressful they couldn't get it in properly with the first catheter so put embryo back in Petri dish then tried again but I never saw a flash on the screen and I was anxious after 

I keep thinking what if anything can be done different as the meds worked so why should ivf work the next time round?

The only things I'm considering is hysteroscopy to see if there any issues and an endo scratch before but I'm still not sure if these would make a difference 

Xx


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

Harper,

I don't know your history - but from what you said above you have frozen embryos.
If I was you I would use them!  I find the FET much easier - and it would be a shame not to use what you have worked do hard to make.

I don't know if this was your first cycle - but if it was I would defo go to the follow up and discuss it.  It isn't guaranteed to work - so you just gave to keep trying until you run out of time,emotional or physical energy or money!!

I ask myself a similar question to turia each time.  I am still on the 'try as many times until I can't try any more!' frame of mind.  I am on my third fresh cycle - and I will do more if this one doesn't work (although I want it to a lot!).

Good luck!


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

hi star,

firstly  I admire your mentality with it and how strong you are to be on the mind frame to keep continuing until you can do no more.

I guess in a sense I am pessimistic because I feel if it didn't work first time round why should it next time?? 

to answer your question and give you a brief of my treatment.

first treatment ICSI I have a 4 year old who was born with no difficulty (ironically not even trying) prior to this I had 2 miscarraiges and nothing since!!

treatment went very well in terms of the stims and egg quality (which I will know more about on my follow up) but from what I gather they were happy with the embryos but this is where the positives stop.

my lining was maybe too thick (I do recall after recovery they went to get a 2nd opinion as to whether to do a freeze all)

I have PCO and was on no treatment for this prior to cycle, GP has since prescribed metformin but not sure how this would help me if I already produced enough eggs

I have a history of endo (moderate which was removed by lap prior to IVF) maybe its not all gone and wondering if a hysteroscopy would help (i had a c-sec with my child and i think scar tissue may cause some issues)

Other things that i am looking into are immunes (but am i jumping to conclusions with this?) and endo scratch

I am so confused and wish there was a reason it failed so i could combat it.......if only life was so simple.

other bad news i have just heard that my best friend is pregnant with twins (not planned) so happy for her but it doesn't ease the pain for us xx


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## Jenso (Jan 15, 2013)

Do you know if the lady that you eggshared with became preganant? This could be a good indicator for your egg quality.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

yes you can go through it again.

and you will x 

most people need more than one go. it's just how things are. There's no guarantees, but you can't spend your whole life wondering.... if you are asking the question 'can i, should i' then you're not ready to stop. If it was time to try another path you'd know for certain, that's how you'd know you were ready. 

good luck.


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## Harper14 (Sep 29, 2013)

Thanks gold bunny never looked at it that way!!

Looks like we're back on the roller coaster feel like I need to do things differently this time and maybe my follow up will provide the answers that I need and give me the confidence to move forward

Xx


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