# Time to give up



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Hello ladies, I'm 39 I hope that it is ok for me to join this group.

I'm trying not to cry in a coffee shop,  so thoughh that I would busy myself instead.

I feel like I have wasted the last 4 years of my life and the last years of my fertility trying to sort out my husband's life and ignoring mine until now it's too late.  Dh has 2 children, it took couple of years to settle down as a family before he would have a reversal. It was a technical success but a low count and 100% abnormalities, possibly due to his drinking, smoking and stress.

I went to the drs a year ago for fertility tests and they wouldn't offer any help due to dh's children and the vasectomy.  I went back today to try and challenge it and a different dr gave a reluctant ok  and said that it would be too late for me anyway. My pct won't budge on a max age of 38 and she doesn't believe that I will be fertile enough even for private treatment anyway but we can go through the motions if I like. 

So here I am, seemingly wasting precious nhs funding on a lost cause and feeling completely lost. Did anyone else experience this? Is this really the end?


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## magz1 (May 9, 2011)

molly99, until u do fertility tests on you, no-one can say your passed it. they have to do AMH blood test, to check ovarian reserve. FSH and LH, again blood tests to check hormone levels. please dont feel so down on yourself. i was 43 when i had my little one with my own eggs. Theres lots still to do. i hope you do get funding. can u afford a private round? if so i would go that route straight away, you`ll have no waiting around. goodluck whatever you decide
magz xxxxxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

good luck molly. I hope your DH wants to give up drinking and smoking and start taking vitamins and I hope investigations show you as suitable for IVF/ICSI... don't let GPs put you off they really know nothing about it.


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you. I'm just feeling so sad and lost right now. I know that the dr shouldn't discount me before the tests but she really did.She said that she'd refer me so that I could go privately butshe believed that it was too late. 

That's two female doctors that I've seen now who've almost been disdainful of my circumstances and age. I'm left feeling embarrassed and like I have to pick myself up again.  How on earth are you supposed to deal with them.

I'll wait to count by chickens until after the tests, thanks for the support I really need it right now. Just so tired of everything being such an uphill battle.


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## barbster (Jan 26, 2012)

To be honest, your GP is not really to best person to tell you that you are past it in terms of fertility. You are still entitled to have some fertility tests on the NHS even if you cannot have the treatment so at least you can have some idea. Then you can decide if you want to go ahead with private treatment. Also, going to a private clinic seems to have a different approach I have found. whilst they are honest about your chances, they don't do the one size fits all approach which NHS tend to do. There are so many variations of treatment availble and you should be able to find the best  suited to you should you decide to go ahead.

In the meantime, try and be as healthy as possible, both you and DH. There are links on here about both male and female supplements.

Good luck

X


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## EmmaTTC2L (Mar 4, 2009)

Please don't let them make you feel this way, you need to take a deep breath and be strong.  You're going to come up against all sorts.  For me it was finding an experienced gynae surgeon who specialises in fertility.  I can recommend 2 of mine, one at Welwyn Garden City and the other Manchester.  Ironically I was under WGC when I lived in Manchester and now under Manchester and living in London!  I was 2yrs into my journey when my first consultant put her hand on mind and said, so sympathically, 'Do you think it's time to give up?'  I hadn't even been diagnosed!!!  I know I'm not the norm as I get pregnancy all too easily, it's keeping mine that's the problem.  Take care x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Molly99
As the others have said, please don't be put off by a GP.  GPs are not fertility specialists and, in any case, it is up to you to decide what you want to do.  You are not over the hill at 39, and you have lots of avenues to explore.  I know from personal experience that it feels like an uphill battle sometimes but you need to  keep your goal in mind and be persistent! Oh, and I agree - start trying to get healthy now (both of you).  I would recommend getting hold of a copy of Zita West's book "Fertility and Conception" so that you can start drawing up an action plan.
Hang on in there.     
Ellie


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## Tequilalil (Nov 14, 2012)

Hi Molly

I felt exactly like you a couple of weeks ago, so I can totally sympthasise.

I'm 39 too (40 in June) i've been on clomid for 6 months and our PCT won't give us any goes on IVF (even though we are a childless couple).  When I went to see the specialist a few weeks back (been seeing her for nearly a year now) she gave me 6 more months of clomid and said i should then "draw a line under it".  I am currently ovulating, had all the tests, DH is fine now (plenty of iron tablets) yet when she said that it seemed so final.

Look up pre-seed on internet, its a lube which mimmics female secretions very closely and even aids the flow of sperm (you're probably aware that a lot of lubes can't be used - including saliva - TMI lol sorry  ).  It's good stuff i'm using it for the first time at the mo.  Book a few days away centred on the important week which will help with the relaxation and make sure you're both watching what you drink and smoke (coupled with a good diet).  Are you taking any pregnancy pills yourself, tesco do a good one called "trying for a baby" which has your folic acid along with all the other vitamins etc you need (I think somebody has already said that there's a link on here to all the possible things you can take if you want to)

I understand the whole "relax and it will happen theory" it's just so difficult to relax when you want something so bad.

There is always hope hun, have some fun with the pre-seed and few days away and you never know   that's the way i'm trying to look at it anyway.

If you ever want to chat with somebody whose going through the same feel free to message me on here or privately

big hugs
Sarah
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Pippi_elk (Feb 7, 2013)

Don't give up hope, you are not that old yet...you still have a good chance of success even if you do have to go privately.
Just on the pressed, I read somewhere not to use too much of it. ...only use it if you are too 'dry' to have bd..sorry tmi.
U dont want to dilute the cm too much as it activates the sperm in some way...


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