# Old age



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Is it just me, or have any of you ever thought about your life when you get older?

I have wondered about this more since I looked after my mum through the last years of her life, who would be there to do this for me if I needed looking after?

Its scary - but not something I try to dwell on too often, so I apologise if I have upset anyone by mentioning this. The only family I have is DH - my family are mostly deceased or live miles away, and his family are completely wrapped up in their favourite subject (themselves)! 

What do you think?

Love
Emcee x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi emcee

not having any children and possibly facing a future without having any of my own i often think about when i get older.  I come from a large extended family who i love very much but it makes me think especially at gatherings about when dh and i are older and my siblings are grandparents with there children and grandchildren looking after them so to speak .
I think about christmas's and what will happen when they have there own families to look after etc. Some might think that is selfish to be thinking about it from my point of view but its not, its life 
sorry seems to have rambled  
guess what im trying to say is that i unerstand what you are saying 

love and hugs
suzie  xx


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## Smurfs (Oct 19, 2004)

Hi Emcee

I feel the same and it is scary   

I think about when we are older as I am 11 years older than my DH and it really worries me that I may go first later in life and leave him all alone and this makes me feel really sad    

So many things to come to terms with but I do tend to look at the big picture and worry about everything, things way into the future  

Love to you and Suzie

Shaz xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi Emcee and girls

Such an interesting topic that you have brought up Emcee....and i have to agree with you and everyone else that this is something that i have thought about also over the years.
I also think when we got old as a couple and one of us die before the other what we will do? thats why i try to not think about it because it saddens me...so i try and live for today, but i do envy that extention in other peoples live.  
On a positive note i was walking around the park with my dog one day with other dog walkers....they are all elderly....i was asked if i had any children by one lady and i explained no we couldn't have any...she went onto explain that she has three children and she is very lonely. She turned and said to me that i will find most likely find deeper friendships in other areas of my life and find fulfilment there...i think she is probably right...i am not sure if it all goes text book style in life as how we imagine it to be and i often see that in my job daily. I work as a nurse and i see so many elderly patients that have children and they do not even bother with them.....sad but it happens more than we think...
Its just sad that we do lose out in other aspects of our lives....
love astridxxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who worries about this subject!

My parents have 4 kids, one in the states who only ever calls when he's run out of money, one in Australia who they see every 4-5 years, one who lives 300 miles up north and me. To be honest, I don't exactly live in their pockets (we speak often but meet maybe twice a month) so volume isn't much of a guarantee on this front!

I also worry about what'll happen to the surviving partner when one or other of us eventually pegs it but hopefully we've got a few decades (at least!) ahead us having some fun so I amuse myself with visions of either of us going out on the pull in our 70's trying to bag a new soul mate!

flipper


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Emcee and friends,

It's NOT just you.  Selfish or not, this has ALWAYS been my main driving force for having a family.  The thought of being old and in a home/hospital with no visitors absolutely terrifies me.  I also worry (daily) about something dreadful happening to my DH and I am then left TOTALLY on my own.  

Some people would call this selfish.  However, the way I see it, people "WANT" kids for one reason or another and surely any type of "wanting" is selfish then?? So why should this be any different.

Don't get me wrong.  I want the big family Christmases, more than 2 names at the bottom of our cards and to love and cherish a baby in its cot and nurture a child as it grows.  I want all of that too but I do worry CONSTANTLY about getting older without a family to put all my energies into - and get so much back from.  I know it's not all rosy all the time but I think it'd definitely be worth it.

Doesn't it scare you to death when people tell you the only reason they get up in the morning after something terrible's happened to them is their children?  I worry about how I would cope with disaster.  What reason would I have to get up in the morning??

I only hope when we are all feeling like this, we can draw on each other and realise that really, we are not alone.

Hey - who thinks we should start up old folks homes specifically for people without families?!!!  MEEEEEEEE!!!!  

Take care girls,
Love Gill x


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## jellybelly (Oct 19, 2004)

Hi girls

I think we all think the same here.  It is always in the back of my mind when we are old and grey.  I am really trying to treat my friends with the love and respect they deserve and so long as we have friends to grow old with we will be happy,.

One set of friends we joke with and say that the six of us will go in to the same old people's home.  THis keeps me sane and happy knowing that may be one day we will all be together.  There is only one child between the six of us (Ben, our godson), so he is going to be one busy boy looking after the six of us - going from room to room making us tea !!!

I have a brother and sister in law and two nephews who live in the north of the country - there's no guarantee that they are going to look after us when we are old.  

Myself and DH believe that we will have long lasting friends who we will grow old with and will take care of each other.

Love to you all

xxxxxxxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi jellybelly and girls

How are you jelly we haven't heard from you i hope all is well?
I couldn't agree with you more and that is friends are so important in life....i would love to be stuck with a couple of my mates in a nursing home i would end up laughing or wetting myself to heaven or wherever you go...
If it also helps i have nursing expereince i can always change everyone catheter bags and give you some good old horlicks with an extra tipple of whiskey inside....

love astridxx


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## jellybelly (Oct 19, 2004)

Hi Astrid and girlies,

Astrid - that made me laugh out loud that you are able to assist when we are old and grey !!!     Yes our friends all laugh about the fact that we will be in the same home, going to each other's rooms for a bottle of wine when we are in our eighties and going to play bingo in the communal room.  I hang on to this as I think it is everybody's worry what we are going to do.

I am doing well thank you - the only bad time I have is Christmas and Mother's day.  Christmas is now over, thank goodness, really enjoying life at the moment and so pleased I have managed to move on.  Just got mother's day to get through and then can look forward to having a fab year.

Best wishes to you all

Jelly
xxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

I worry about this too. Dh comes from a family of 6 children and i come from a family of 5.We do alot to look after our parents and it worries me that we will have no-one to look after us. Well. dh has daughter but i dont know at the minute if she has any real loyalty to me and would look after me.(going thru teenage years). I see myself as the "eccentric aunt" in years to come and i got really scared about it a few years back to the extent that i couldnt sleep at night!! I now am just sad that i cant have children to get me thru my forties and fifties. xxxx


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## crocodile (Sep 14, 2004)

I couldn't believe it when I saw this thread this is the one subject that can bring me to tears when I think about it, not for me but my lovely DH.  I am 8 years older than him and I look at him and could cry when I think if anything happened to me he would be all alone.

My own mum died two years ago and although my dad misses her terribly he has three daughters constantly fussing over him doing his house work going to hospital appointments with him and my DH is always helping him out in other practical ways and we have him over to ours to watch football and for meals and go round there every tuesday without fail....so this keeps my dad going..

But then I remind myself of the stories my mum use to tell me (she worked in an old peoples hospital) of children that never came to visit their parents in there at all, or the ones who turned up when they were on their last legs to try to get there houses signed over to them and I have cousins who were given everything as children and now hardly visit their parents so I spose it doesn't always mean to have children is to have company and someone to look out for you in your old age...

I look at my neighbours who are 78/79 and they have three children one lives in germany, one in wiltshire and one in suffolf (we live in essex) they see their children from time to time but not very often at all. But they have several friends who visit them and who they visit regulalry, they go dancing every monday and are always off for weekends away, nights out etc.  They are not relying on their children at all (as some do) they are out there living their lives and making them as full as they can.  I think a lot of people who have children live their lives through their children and never reach their own full potential.  When their children grow up they look round and don't know how to relate to each other or what to do with their lives so they just sit there waiting to be invited round to their childrens house, or on holiday with them or waiting for visits cos they never had to go out there and keep social contacts, I think my neighbours are a rare breed. and have shown me what me and my DH must do and that is to treasure the friendships we have, make new friends and make our lives as full as possible then you are doing as much as you can (children or no children) to ensure you wont be lonely in old age and the more true friends we have around us will mean that if something does happen to me my DH will have people who will care enough to help him through


Maureen


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Hi girls
I know where you are all coming from - Olive - just wanted to hug you when I read your post. You are so lovely, of course your family will WANT to be there for you - and I'm sure it's the same for all of you.
I've been at my current workplace 15 years now. When I first started there I was looked after by Liz, who was married for 33 years and who had no children and was still grieving. She retired and went to live in Oxfordshire after being in Kent all her life. At their new church she met a young couple who adopted Liz and Bill (Liz is very motherly) and Liz became adopted granny to their two children. After years of no children and dreading watching all her friend with grandchildren she now has, unexpectedly, got 2 and one on the way   SHe is so happy and yet moved to avoid being around old friends who had grandchildren. Funny world.
I just wanted to share that to let you know that you just never know what's round the corner.

Fee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

aww Fee thats a great story  thanks for sharing 


xx


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