# Single ladies having or considering IVF Part 15



## Sharry

A New thread Happy chatting. 

Sharry


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## Lotusblossom

Hello all,

I thought I should move onto this bit of the board as I'm hoping to be on the IVF journey. I've had my initial consultation and things don't look too bad for my age (antral follicles 10, AMH 10.5). I've been recommended 3 cycles of embryo freezing with embryo transfer after the third to maximise my chances and bank my current fertility. It seems such a huge thing to put my body through when I've never tried to conceive before but I do see the logic I guess. Unfortunately they picked up some rare abnormalities in my blood film and I'm now awaiting an appointment with a haematologist before I can proceed- not sure how serious the findings are (I have a family history of lymphoma). After a day coming to terms with that, I'm trying to be positive and focus on the next step.

If I do end up going ahead with 3 cycles of IVF over the next year, my next big hurdle is finding someone who is free to travel to Cardiff with me for egg collection at very short notice (3 times!...). My friends have been touchingly positive about my decision and have all offered  help and support, but they all have jobs and children and would struggle to keep 3 possible days free to accompany me on which ever one turned out to be egg collection day. The clinic won't let me have a taxi and hotel instead they insist on a friend. How did other single women out there manage this? 

xxx


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## Lotusblossom

Hello,

I'm starting my first ever cycle of IVF (of 3 cycles of embryo freezing with plan for embryo transfer after the 3rd cycle) in November. Are there any other single women on here going through IVF at the moment? I'm very apprehensive and it would be good to have some company!

Lotus B xx


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## Kiss

Hi Lotusblossom I haven't got as far as you yet but am starting to decide on where to have treatment like you are - as a single woman. I haven't told my friends but recently told my parents so they could get used to the idea before I went full into it. I'm sure you'll find people to help you on the three days. I feel apprehensive too and let's face it who wants to put themselves through it except for the end result. I guess focusing on that will keep you right.  That's what I think each time I go for a run or spend tons on supplements! Here's hoping for a good journey xx


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## kittykat76

Lotusblossom- I have done 3 EC's and only had someone with me at the 1st as clinic freaked me out slightly saying they wouldn t go ahead with it if I was alone but on the other 2 I just told them I had a friend coming to collect me and I would call them when I was ready to leave as they would have to bring their kids along so couldn't stay with me, they didn't question it and I just walked out alone afterwards! Where are you doing the IVF?


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## Tincancat

That's exactly what I did.  Pretended to call my friend then made out they had texted me to walk out the building as they had to wait in the car with their kids.  When in reality I jumped on the bus and then got home by train.
TCCx


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## Lotusblossom

Hello,

That's very reassuring TCC and Kittykat - thank you. I'm having my EC at LWC Cardiff. A friend has now offered to come with me and drive for the first one, provided it falls in the week I'm predicting at the moment but I'll feel less stressed if I can get away with a taxi and hotel for the subsequent cycles - friends are all keen to help but the lack of predictability of timing makes that quite a big ask, I think.

Kiss - Once I had finally made my mind up to do this (5 years of soul searching and counselling later), I decided to tell just a small number of carefully selected friends who I predicted would be positive about my decision and might be able to help a bit along the way - they have all been incredibly excited and supportive - far more so than I would have predicted. I'm trying to embryo bank for 2 cycles before an ET after the 3rd as due to my age I've been advised that gives me the best overall chance. I plan to tell my family if/when I get to cycle 3 to avoid their worry about the procedures before that if I can manage without their help up to that point. Which clinics are you considering? I hope that all goes well for you - I agree, its just a case of getting through each step with the end result in mind.xx


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## Kiss

Brilliant, it's good to have someone with you that first time. I got in a total stress just going for a consultation, although I am used to doing everything alone it shows how hard it can be. The counsellor asked me about my baby fantasies and I realised I had none, I can't even talk or think about it, talk about a realist!!  Like you I wondered if it might worry my family and was thinking of not telling them until much later but thought actually I might need to talk to my mum about it, don't have any local friends who I can see wanting to plus I am really private and not good at sharing emotions. I am a good listener but not a good sharer   currently considering Cyprus for both the financial and results based reasons. The costs in the UK were beyond what I could do sadly. I wish I could've tried at a slightly younger age, only just got myself into a good place with work. So fingers crossed for both of us! Xx


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## kittykat76

I know LWC in London aren't particularly bothered if have someone with you as friend did IVF there and as you are paying I think its rare they would refuse to do EC. I had a friend on standby to answer phone if they wanted to speak to the person who was supposed to be collecting me just in case. It is hard when don't have a definate date from the start as friends cant put their lives on hold. Its one of the things I found hard about going it alone but I wouldn't change it,for me its the right path to take. Lots of luck with it


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## Lotusblossom

Kiss,

I think the clinics all have a different approach - I had the briefest phone counselling (yesterday) and only after I had booked my IVF package. I thought I would be asked to justify my decision but they were really only interested in ensuring that I fully understood the implications of using donor sperm. It's healthy and level headed of you not to have baby fantasies really - arguably we are likely to be disappointed if we have very fixed expectations of our potential child and the motherhood experience.
My clinic choice has been based mainly on practicalities - I don't want my work to know at this point and I have to give lots of notice for taking leave. Also have signed myself up for 3 potential IVF cycles in 8 months as a starting point (seems a bit mad when I think about it!). Overseas clinics seem a really good option, but not practical for me at the moment. Would you take your Mum to Cyprus?
Well, my donor sperm arrived at the clinic today and I should be starting the drugs (short protocol) in about 2 weeks time. Starting to feel very real. I hope you get the information you need to make your clinic choice and get started soon too.xx


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## Kiss

Hey Lotus B 
Well yes it's all coming together for you now. I hope it all goes well, it sounds like you have a really good plan and now it's just taking a step at a time. Thanks for your words, yes you are right, I think I don't want to be disappointed. I am thinking of asking my mum to come to Cyprus but I am unsure if she would if I am honest. My dad would want to come too, he's quite protective like that, which is fine but I'd feel more pressure then to be all upbeat. So my first step is the Fertility Show on Sunday to meet a few providers and hopefully decide and get the calendar for next year sorted. I intend to enjoy a few nights out before Christmas then be really good come 2018! Hope your nerves are settling now.
Xx


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## sunshine82

I guess it's time for me to post in this thread now.  I'm 35 now and 3 years ago I found a clinic in Denmark for IUI.  They seemed very nice and if it had worked I would have been super grateful and recommended them to everyone.  But I had 7 failed attempts at IUI and they neglected to tell me that I had a large fibroid the size of a tennis ball growing on the outside of my uterus.  In April this year I went to CARE (they were the ones who told me about the fibroid) and the consultant there told me I needed to have a myomectomy because the fibroid was squashing my uterus.  He told me that I might as well go through the NHS as the waiting time will be similar to going private, that it would be at least an 18 week wait and then I'd need another year post-op for my uterus to recover.  I was crying in his office at the thought of having to wait another year before trying again.  Well 7 months later I still am not even on the waiting list for a myomectomy as my NHS gynaecologist doesn't think it's necessary and says she sees lots of pregnant women with fibroids, she says that it might not be possible to remove the fibroid and that there is the risk that I'll lose my uterus.  Obviously that scares me and I don't really want to have a huge operation.  If I lose my uterus then it really will be game over for me.  But now I'm stuck and wasting precious months and years waiting for follow up appointments on the NHS and getting nowhere.  It looks like I am going to have to go for IVF now if I can find a clinic that will treat me.  The last GP I saw was at least honest with me and told me that I would be at increased risk of miscarriage and premature birth because of the fibroid.  I'm so heartbroken as I have always wanted to be a mum and I thought that starting at 32 I hadn't left it too late but I was wrong.  At least I will always be able to say that I tried.  I just feel so stupid now for not trying when I was younger and I really wish I could turn back the clock 10 years.  I didn't even know what a fibroid was before all this!

Sorry for the miserable post.  Wishing you all lots of luck xxx


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## Kiss

Hi Sunshine sounds like a really horrible time for you. I feel for you as that's the kind of news that's so hard to hear. Perhaps you should try out a few places who do those 3D scans before starting treatment sounds like you need a sympathetic consultant who could guide you on the likely outcomes. There is a lot of info on this site too. I think the right kind of information can help you feel more in control. I hope that you get to go for it and try IVF.  Keep your chin up x


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## Lotusblossom

Hello Sunshine,

I'm sorry that you feel so let down and are having to deal with extra complications and worry. I think you are absolutely amazing to have been so sure in your decision making about having a child alone as young as 32. I'm sure that you will find a clinic where the opinion will be the same as the NHS consultant and you can embark on IVF - it has such a higher success rate than IUI and your chances at 35 are still good.

I hope you find a helpful clinic very soon.

Lotus B X


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## sunshine82

Thanks Kiss and Lotusblossom for your kind replies.  My follow up appt with my NHS gynaecologist is not until the end of December and I have the feeling that she will just want to end my care and not do anything else for me.  I am going to start looking at affordable IVF in places like Cyprus or Greece, where I can have more goes.  I don't know how to work it out with the time off work though, it was hard enough doing the IUI and having to book annual leave when I thought I'd be ovulating.  Part of me wants to quit my job so I can have all the time I need and get rid of the stress, but that will make my money go down a lot faster!  However time is what I am running out of at the moment! x


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## Lotusblossom

Sunshine,

Are you considering egg sharing to bring the costs down? I don't know if that would make IVF affordable in the UK for you but I think its an option while you are still 35.
The length of time needed to be off work for overseas treatments was the reason I opted for treatment close to home in the end - I have a job where I cannot take more than 2 weeks off consecutively. If you feel able to tell your work of your plans, have you considered taking some unpaid leave? Employers are encouraged to be flexible in working arrangements for women undergoing IVF. It would leave you with more security that stopping work completely. 
All the best with finding the right clinic for you.

Lotus B X


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## Tincancat

You can do all the stimulation injections in the UK plus scans then fly out just before EC.  I'd say you need to be abroad for 7 days minimum.  You could book 2 weeks annual leave to cover the predicted egg collection and to take you to 5 days beyond.  Alternatively go for just egg collection then freeze all and go back to collect as a FET whenever fits with your plans.  There is increasing evidence to suggest FET allows body to recover from stimulation drugs and improve chances.
TCCx


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## sunshine82

I'm nearly 36 so think I'm too old to egg share now, I wish I'd done it when I started at 32.  Do you have to be under 35?

I would LOVE to take unpaid leave.  I asked my previous manager and she told me the only way to do that was to apply for a career break.  I just want 3 months off so I can de-stress and go to Cyprus for 20 days so that they can do all the IVF bloods, etc, there.  I have a new manager now so I will ask her, even if I could just have 3 weeks off in a row even if unpaid that would be so helpful.  My previous manager said it would mess up my pension, etc.  Do I have to tell them it's for IVF in order to get unpaid leave?

I will probably end up just going to Cyprus for the 9 days.  But are you supposed to have bloods done in the first week of your cycle?  Are you supposed to take the contraceptive pill to regulate your cycle?  I just find it all so hard to get my head around and I am becoming more and more resentful of the NHS for not helping me out like they would if I had a partner.  I really need to get my frozen embryos made before my egg quality declines.  The UK clinics all just seem crazy expensive.


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## Lotusblossom

Hi Sunshine,

Bloods and monitoring are a bit dependent on your situation and the protocol of the clinic. I'm starting this process at 41. I have no known fertility issues. AMH and antral follicle count 10. My clinic does baseline tests then for a standard short protocol IVF cycle it's a scan on day 2 of period and start drugs. No bloods. Next scan at 7 days then scan every 2-3 days until egg collection (usually day 12-14). I'm freezing all for 3 cycles to bank my current fertility and because the future of IVF is going to be FET rather than fresh cycles (being as drug fee as possible at the time of ET seems to make sense to me) and because with this process (all being well) I need just a handful of afternoons and and one full day per cycle off work. I've chosen a clinic that delivers a fairly simple one size fits all treatment because I'm not known to be infertile (just very old!) and I don't want any more tests and monitoring than absolutely needed. There will be many women on this site who would advocate clinics who personalise treatment much more and if my 3 cycles fail, I would be looking at those clinics too and then I'd be in the career break camp I think as it wouldn't be so manageable.

Because you are young, they may well put you on the OCP and a longer drug protocol but clinics are variable in the amount of monitoring they do - there doesn't sound a good reason for you needing lots of bloods and monitoring once your initial protocol has been planned. They can put you on progesterone to control very accurately when your cycle starts if that helps with planning your leave.

I believe you do need to be 35 or younger for egg sharing unfortunately. I wish I'd made my 'plan B' at a younger age too but all we can do is make the best of where we are now.

I think you could start by asking for some weeks of unpaid leave for personal family reasons that you would prefer not to discuss in detail and see whether your manager accepts that. Do you have an HR department you could discuss this with or a company policy you could look at?

All the very best with the next steps.

Lotus B X


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## sunshine82

Hi Lotus,

Which clinic have you chosen?  Is it in the UK?  When do you start your treatment?

Does anyone ever take the mini-pill (progestin only) before IVF or is that not recommended?

xxx


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## Lotusblossom

Hi Kiss,

I'm having treatment with London Women's Clinic (Bristol/Cardiff branch). I'm day 8 of short protocol drugs today - egg collection some time next week I hope.

Mini pill is progesterone based and I think progesterone drugs are mainly used to get control of a woman's cycle to control the timing of the start of treatment but the clinic you chose would tell you whether or not they want you to be on the pill. I would be drug and hormone free until your treatment is planned with a clinic if possible, I think to avoid delays as some of the initial assessments can be altered by taking hormones.

XX


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## sunshine82

Hi Lotus, how did the egg collection go? xxx


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## Lotusblossom

Hi Sunshine,

The egg collection was absolutely fine (I don't remember a thing about the procedure and I was back at work the following morning feeling pretty much normal and cycled 20 miles the day after that). They retrieved 7 eggs. 5 fertilised. 3 survived to blastocyst stage and have been frozen. The physical process was far less difficult for me than the thinking and decision making has been so I've decided to get on with my second cycle in January.

How are your plans coming along? 

XXX


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## sunshine82

Hi Lotus,

I still haven't made any decisions.  I'm still waiting for my NHS gynae appt re: the fibroid but they've pushed it to January now.  I'm so unhappy with the NHS.  I think because it isn't cancer the gynae isn't really interested in seeing me.  I wish she had told me that in April last year before I wasted a precious year of my life just waiting around for waste of time appointments.

How much is everything costing you at your clinic?  I think it would be so much easier and less stressful being treated at a UK clinic than having to go overseas, I've just heard such bad things about the UK clinics and how the costs add up as EVERYTHING is so much more expensive than abroad.

What medications did you need to take prior to egg collection?  Did you need to have scans/blood tests on certain days?  When will you do the frozen embryo transfer?  That's so exciting that you have 3 embryos waiting!

xxx


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## Lotusblossom

Hi Sunshine,

I'm sorry you are still waiting - January isn't too far away now, though. 

My costs so far: I've signed up to a 3 cycle package with 2 cycles of freezing and one fresh cycle which is essentially 3 for the price of 2 and cost £5500 up front. That covers consultations, monitoring scans, egg collection, embryology and one embryo transfer. Sperm was also 3 for 2 at LSB (£1900 for 3 samples). The drug package through my clinic cost £1000 for my first cycle but I think I can get the next lot cheaper by ordering myself from an online pharmacy (and my doses were high due to my age which increases the cost). Including donor sperm, I think you're looking at 4-5K per cycle in the UK, cheaper if you go for a multi-cycle package (though with your youth on your side you might get several embryos to freeze with just once cycle, so a Multi cycle package is unlikely to be what you would choose). Some clinics give a refund if not successful for under 40s.

I was on a short protocol (my clinic doesn't really use long protocol any more) - suprecur (down regulator) injection daily for 11 days, menopur (follicle stimulator) injection daily starting the day after suprecur and taken for 10 days in my case and one otrivlle trigger injection 36 hours before egg collection. I do a very high pressure job where I have to plan leave many weeks in advance and I managed my cycle with 3 half days and 1 full day annual leave despite a 90 minute drive to my clinic - it wasn't as bad or difficult as I feared and I was glad to be busy at work on the days when nothing was happening as it all seemed to pass very quickly as a result. I had a scan day 1, day 7 and day 10 and then egg collection day 12. My clinic didn't do any blood tests during the cycle.

I hope that helps you a bit - though we all respond differently of course and my next cycle could be different for me too.

xxx


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## turtle22

Hi Sunshine

Hope you're well. I had a similar situation to you. I was told I had a few small fibriods once I started fertility treatment/appointments. Doctors will always try to remove any obstacle that might cause an issue. Many women have fibriods and healthy pregnancies without ever knowing about the fibriods. I'm surprised you were advised that you would have to wait 18 weeks for a private appointment. Normally, you can find an appointment the following week if you go privately and have the operation within a few weeks although it's expensive. Do you have the option of going private? I also find it alarming that you were told you may lose your uterus. There is a risk with any operation and they have to tell you the risk factors but i think it's about 1/2000 that a problem might arise, not necessarily losing your uterus. I'm not sure where you're based but perhaps you could see a gynae privately in the meantime for a second opinion whilst you wait for the NHS appt?

I had 5 fibroids removed, the largest the size of a tennis ball. They also removed endometriosis which I didn't know I had. It was a keyhole myomectomy and about a 2 week recovery. My uterus was so distorted, they missed my huge septum which i have since had a few operations for. I didn't have these operations till I was 41. 

I would also say the IUIs have a lower success rate too. Many friends told me to go straight to IVF but i was determined to try IUI first. I only tried twice but felt i was wasting my time.

Would be good for you to get some time off of work if this is stressing you out. I agree with lotusblossom that you should stay hormone free till you know what your chosen clinic advises. Good luck with eveything!


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## sunshine82

Hi Turtle,

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.  Yeah the consultant from CARE was really keen for me to have a myomectomy and then come back to them for treatment.  The NHS gynae said IVF clinics don't like fibroids because it reduces their success rates.  Before she even did a diagnostic hysteroscopy she warned me that I could lose my uterus if I had a myomectomy, or that if they cut me open they still might not be able to remove the fibroid if it had a good blood supply, which it obviously does to have grown so big.  Then she said "Let's have a look" and did a quick hysteroscopy which I was awake for.  My understanding of why she was doing the hysteroscopy was to see if the fibroid was growing through into the uterus, because if it wasn't then it should be fine (despite the consultant from CARE showing me the scan and saying, "See, the fibroid is distorting your uterus" - it looked like the fibroid was on top of the uterus and squashing it basically).  After the hysteroscopy NHS gynae said "Yes, you would benefit from a procedure, what would you like to do, have the small procedure first or have me put you on the waiting list for a myomectomy and have it all done together?"  At that point I was sitting surrounded by nurses and a med student, with a piece of couch roll covering my bits, and I just wanted to put my underwear back on, so I said, "I dunno" and she said, "Okay, I'll put you down for the smaller procedure first and then I'll prescribe medication to shrink the fibroid before the myomectomy."  When I finally got called in for my pre-op appointment, she didn't remember who I was and asked me the same old questions all over again, how many children do you already have, how many times have you been pregnant before, how many days between periods, are they heavy, etc.  Like fine obviously she has too many patients to remember everyone, but didn't she have my notes that she'd written her plan in?  Then she told me that I didn't need a myomectomy, just the hysteroscopy under general anaesthetic.  The funny thing is that my understanding of what she was going to do was that she was going to cut out the bits of the giant fibroid that were poking through into the uterus.  It was only when about an hour before my op, when I was sitting in a hospital gown without any underwear on, that a junior doctor explained to me, "No she's not going to do anything with the big fibroid because that's outside your uterus, she's going to remove the small fibroid that's growing inside your uterus." And I was like, "What small fibroid?  I didn't know I had another fibroid!"  So that's the procedure that I had done in September, and my 2 month follow up will be in January.  I really think it will be a discharge appointment because she will just look at my notes and say, "Yeah, it's not cancer so you're fine."

Did they remove your tennis ball fibroid by keyhole?  Even the CARE consultant said that would have to be through myomectomy because it's too big.  He described mine as the size of a cricket ball.  I think it's 7.5-8cm each way (and growing I guess).

I'm feeling really down at the moment, like I don't want to put all that money and emotional heartache into IVF if it's unlikely to work.  After 7 failed IUI's (when I started out thinking it would work first time), every time I start to feel optimistic about doing IVF and finally becoming pregnant, that my odds are supposed to be good at 35/36, I think about how awful it will be if I've paid all that money and done all the fertility drugs, injections, etc, invested emotionally and got my hopes up, if it doesn't work I will be in the same position but thousands of pounds worse off.  I am so disappointed that IUI didn't work for me.  I just don't trust any private clinic at the moment, I think they all just want my money and I don't even know who to believe about which treatments I should or shouldn't be having.  My GP suggested finding a private clinic to test if my tubes are blocked since single women aren't allowed that on the NHS, but what is the point of that if I'm going to have IVF?

Where are you in your journey at the moment?  Have you found a clinic for IVF?


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## turtle22

Hi Sunshine
Sounds like you've really been through a tough time with these conflicting opinions.
Yes, IVF clinics do like all obstacles removed to improve success rates but that in turn means it's increasing your success rate too so take what people say with a pinch of salt. 

Yes, I did have my fibroids removed via keyhole. Mine were pressing onto the uterus and distorting it too. You need to ensure you see a gynae that understands ivf and knows you want to have children.
Why do you think the ivf is unlikely to work? Have you had blood tests for your hormone levels and AMH? I definitely think you need to find out more information about your chances as you seem to think it's going to fail. You should do as many tests as possible so that you can make an informed decision about what to do next.

I have just had my second FET and tested positive last week. I'm over the moon but am still anxious. It has been a long journey to get here - 5 operations, 2 IUIs, ISCI, and two FETs. Plus I have a thyroid issue. So i'm trying to relax and stay positive. I've also just turned 43.


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## sunshine82

Wow, congratulations Turtle!!!  I will keep my fingers crossed for you!  I think I would be anxious throughout any pregnancy now, but it must feel amazing to finally have a BFP after all the years of hoping and trying.

My AMH was 33 last year when I was just over 35, now nearly 36 and I don't know if it will be a lot worse.  I feel I have wasted a very precious year of my life and not accomplished much.  My other hormones were all fine except on one test I was borderline low progesterone on day 23 with a value of 28, the test was supposed to be done on day 21 but that was a Saturday and I couldn't get a blood test until the Monday, so I don't know if that makes a difference.  I was worried that the IUIs weren't working because of low progesterone and that if I just took progesterone pessaries it might stick.  The reason I think IVF will fail is because I feel that the embryos didn't stick when I did IUI because of the fibroid distorting my uterus, and that hasn't changed.  But who knows, maybe the fibroid is kinking my tubes and that's why I couldn't get pregnant, maybe IVF will work?

You're right, I do need a gynae who understands IVF, it seems that the NHS gynae and GPs aren't really interested in silly women who want to have a baby, the GPs are concerned about all their elderly and ill-health patients (understandably) and think I am wasting their time, and I don't know why NHS gynae accepted the referral, I think she just wanted to do a biopsy and test for cancer and that's been done now, but that wasn't what I thought I was being referred for.  That's what I thought, yes fibroids hurt the IVF clinics' success rates, but my fibroid is hurting my chances of success and putting me at increased risk of miscarriage and still birth, and it will be a lot of money for me as well as a lot of emotional investment and heartache, so it means a lot to me to have better success rates too!

I am so excited and nervous for you!!!  Did you use your own eggs?  Will you have an early scan? xxx


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## turtle22

Sunshine, why don't you start the process by freezing some eggs or embryos? Your Amh sounds great, much higher than mine was two years ago. 
Yes, my own eggs. Scan will be end of this month. X


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## elvi_321

Hi there,

Feel like I am diving in at the deep end here! I am so overwhelmed. I've been reading your stories and there's so much info out there it's hard to know where to start.

I've had a difficult few years (dad died, supported my mum, kind of put life on hold) and I'm now nearly 33 and suddenly thinking about kids. I'm single and decided I'd find out if I could freeze my eggs, just to gain a bit of time to figure out what I want. Went and had a preliminary ultrasound last week, all looked normal, I felt relieved. I asked for an AMH test while there and they rang a few days later with the result and it's below the normal range - basically low fertility - 3.47. This has come as a big shock and I am not quite sure what to do. I saw the counsellor today which was helpful but I'm still uncertain. I keep thinking I want to do one thing, then think otherwise. 

The doc basically recommended proceeding ASAP with freezing either eggs or embryos depending on what I want (do I understand correctly that embryos have a higher chance of surviving freezing/reimplanting?). Also not sure what the implications of low AMH are on early menopause - seems it could be more likely.

The other thing is - I suppose I'd always just thought it would *happen* - that I'd end up with some nice guy, get pregnant, and lo and behold, have the happy ever after that society imposes/expects! So as the counsellor said, I'm effectively going through a grieving process of giving up on having a baby - I know there's a lot that's possible but I'm wondering how much I really want to delve in. 

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated. I would definitely consider going abroad for treatment as I work remotely but I would want to use donor sperm from a certain EU country due to my own background.
Elvi x


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## 63smc

Hey elvi,

I am also single, 32 and doing the kid-thing alone.   I kind of always knew that I am not interested in marrying or tying myself to anyone, so I made the decision to become a solo mom 5 years ago and started to actively pursue this year, because I am now in a very secure tenured job. 
I always knew though, that I absolutely NEEDED to have kids and couldn't live without them. 

It's totally normal to feel a little overwhelmed by all this fertility stuff and the solo mom stuff on top of that. In the beginning of 2017 I read through many blogs of solo moms who chronicled every step (sometimes every day) of their journey. That way I got much closer to the whole solo mom experience, since I don't know anyone in real life who chose this way to have a family. Maybe those blogs could help you to 'test drive' the smc experience?!

From my recent experience I can say that things are a lot harder than I expected. I just had my 5th negative IUI (no known fertility issues, AMH is not great, but also not terrible) and am now proceeding with IVF/ICSI (that's why I joined this thread   Hello to everyone!   ). In your position, I would recommend to really start thinking about having kids over the next few weeks or a couple of months and then start trying this year in case you decide you do want kids. You can of course freeze your eggs now and then try transferring embryos in a few years, but it does get harder the older you get and you might end up not getting anything at all. I think it is dangerous to decide you want kids and freeze eggs to use in a couple of years, because your fertility declines and egg cells are also not as great after freezing as before (yes, freezing embryos gives you a better chance), so there is no guarantee that you'll even get pregnant then. The egg freezing thing is not the 'insurance' that the companies want to sell, sadly.

Oh and I absolutely agree that you do go through a grieving process when you decide to become a single mom by choice and you need to process the loss of having the happy ending you had envisioned for yourself. Even I had that grieving phase although I never envisioned myself in a traditional family, but I still compared myself to friends and siblings and needed to accept that my life will be different and not everyone will like this way. On the other hand you don't need to completely say goodbye to that yet. You can alway meet someone after you have your baby and you can have the family life you want even if you only find the guy at 40 or 50 or 60. It's just that our fertility expires much earlier, so if you want kids you need to think about this earlier and maybe start the journey without a guy at this point.

I am not a native speaker, so I hope my post makes sense and is somewhat comprehensible.


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## sunshine82

Just wanted to say hi to Elvi and Phoenix - I took a break from these boards over Christmas so just saw your posts now.  Phoenix, I also started with IUI at 32 and had 7 failed attempts, so now am thinking about IVF but finding it so stressful.  I am nearly 36 now so I need to get some embryos frozen soon before my egg quality declines.  Where are you going for treatment?  I am thinking about going to Cyprus if I can.  I've been reading the Team Miracle and Dogus boards and most posters seem really happy with their treatment, and a lot of BFPs although they seem to be mostly to older ladies using donor eggs - women 40+ using a 22 year-old's eggs probably have more chance of success than a 36 year old using 36 year old eggs.  I am aware that negative reviews are probably deleted, and some of them have commented about the lack of communication, well I don't think the communication could be any worse than the NHS!!!  It's just stressful thinking about traveling to Cyprus and paying all that money for treatment in a foreign country, and just having to trust that the team there will do what's best for you.  And I don't have confidence that it will work after my 7 failed IUIs and knowing that I have an uncomfortable giant fibroid growing on top of my uterus.  I feel very desperate at the moment and don't really want to make any decisions, feel so let down by the lack of support from the NHS doctors I have seen, I don't know what to do but know that I need to do something soon as I am running out of time.


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## 63smc

Hey sunshine 82

I am going for treatment in Denmark. I'm from Germany so no NHS for me and the German law doesn't allow treatment of single women with donor sperm (to avoid difficulties with single women asking for child support from the government), so I don't have a choice.
I had my IUIs in a clinic in Copenhagen, but am switching to a different clinic for ICSI. I had contacted two different clinics, but I think I have almost decided where to go.

I don't like the clinics in Czech and Cyprus since it looks like you can only use sperm from anonymous donors through them and I definitely want a non-anonymous donor since it is the better option for any future children.

Maybe look into clinics in Denmark? I have absolutely grown to love the country and always look forward to my trips.


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## sunshine82

Hi Phoenix, Denmark is where I went for my IUIs that didn't work.  I loved Copenhagen the first few times I went, but the last time I went I thought that I only want to come back with my baby, and the 7th IUI didn't work   I still love Copenhagen though and would be happy to go back there, although it's a really expensive city!  What clinic are you going to this time?  I will definitely look into clinics in Denmark, I just worry that it will cost so much more than Cyprus!  It must be a lot easier for you to get to Denmark from Germany.  Do you take the train or fly?

When you get your Danish IVF baby will you be able to ask the government for child support then?


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## 63smc

I missed your answer!!! I was waiting all day and somehow didn't see you answered.    

Copenhagen is awesome, but, yes, very expensive. I am now looking into Maigaard (Aarhus) and IVF-syd in Fredericia. I am buying a contract for 3 treatments this time, which costs €6000, but includes 3 full IVF cycles and any FET that is done with blastocysts that were frozen during the full cycles. For my 5 IUIs I paid over €8000, because in addition to the IUI and the sperm vials I also had to pay the travel costs.

I took the plane once, but have found that I am much more relaxed when I just take the car and drive up. It takes 8-10 hours, but I really like driving and I can take whatever I want (additional blanket, because the hotel I always stayed at had strangely thin blankets) and don't have to worry about carry on like with flights. Also, booking flights last minute was just too expensive.

Which clinic did you use in Copenhagen? I went to Storkklinik. 

 No, no child support for my danish baby. That is what they want to prevent. If a German doctor did the IUI, he is officially the one who caused the pregnancy and that would make him liable for child support in the eyes of the German government. But I guess the government won't ask danish clinics.


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## sunshine82

Hi Phoenix 

6000 euros for 3 cycles sounds good!  Is that including the donor sperm or do you need to pay extra for the sperm?  Team Miracle in Cyprus quoted me 4275 euros I think for IVF with donor sperm with future FETs being 1725 euros I think.

Yeah, I wish I lived closer to Copenhagen.  I hated the stress of flying there, it would be so nice to just jump in my car and drive there on my own time instead of worrying about catching a flight.  Although 8-10 hours is a long time!  I don't like doing even 3-4 hour journeys!  I went to Sellmer clinic.

Oh I see, they actually go after the doctors for child support? lol

When will you start your treatment and how long will you need to stay in Copenhagen each time?  It is the planning that stresses me out, having to arrange the travel, hotel stays, time off work, and all around my natural cycle which is hard because that means I can't plan too far in advance as my cycles are regular-ish but not perfectly regular.


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## 63smc

Hey sunshine!

The donor sperm is not included in that, but they said they need 1 straw per cycle and I hope to have some embryos to freeze so one straw might "cover" more than one cycle.

My new clinic is in Fredericia, which is even harder to get to by plane. They recommended the long protocol for me, because it gives you the possibility to plan the dates a few weeks in advance. Maybe that would be the right thing for you, too?

€4275 for one cycle That would be expensive...   Or is it including medication and donor sperm?


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## sunshine82

Hi Phoenix, the cost includes donor sperm but not meds.  Does that still sound expensive?  I am freaking out over the thought of how much everything is going to cost now.  I know it will all be worth it to get a healthy baby at the end, but I'm so worried that the IVF won't work or that I'll miscarry because of the fibroid, and I'll have spent all that money and taken all those IVF drugs for nothing.  I wish I didn't have to make the decision to spend so much money on something that might not work, but I have to make the decision soon because of my age.  I had a really good AMH last year so I hope it hasn't declined too much this past year while I've wasted my time waiting for follow up NHS appointments.

How does the long protocol work?  How soon do you start taking the meds and what meds are they?

xxx


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## 63smc

€4725 for one cycle including donor sperm would still be about €4000 just for IVF. At my clinic you would pay €3300 for IVF alone and could choose a non-anonymous donor at a sperm bank for €760 per vial including tax and shipping. So that's €4000 including sperm. And add to that €1400 for medications if you buy abroad and have it shipped.

I am taking the package with 3 IVF cycles for €5500 plus €760 for sperm and €1400 for medication per cycle. If I got pregnant during the first try, I would lose some money, but I wouldn't care because I am pregnant. If I get a BFN after the first cycle, I will be much more positive because I know I can go again, because I've paid for three cycles. If, after the second cycle I am still not pregnant, I have another cycle left in my package and then the clinic loses money. In addition to that, if there are embryos left over to freeze you get the frozen embryo transfers in-between full IVF cycles for free. The contract is over when you gave birth to a living child. So even if I got pregnant and lost the pregnancy at some point, I would still be eligible to go on with that package.

So for me, this is definitely more cost-effective and it takes the stress out of failed cycles.


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## sunshine82

Hi Phoenix, yes you are right, Team Miracle's prices do seem to be too high.  I am rethinking going with them now.  A large part of my choosing Cyprus was the cost, but it looks like you can get more affordable treatment in Denmark!  I looked into your clinic in Fredericia, it looks nice but how do you get there from Copenhagen  I wish I was in Germany and could just drive there too!  Actually I wish I was Danish and lived in Copenhagen, that would be amazing, lol


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## 63smc

I don't go to Copenhagen before. I am going directly to Fredericia. It is difficult to get there by plane though. But you could try flying into Aarhus and from there it is only a 1 hour drive. Alternatively, my former clinic in Copenhagen also offers these packages. I am not doing IVF there since I didn't like that I never talked to any doctor during all of my IUI treatments. Everything was alway communicated via a third person (midwife, nurse or coordinator), but maybe that's different with IVF where a doctor definitely needs to be involved.


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## elvi_321

Hi Sunshine and Phoenix,

Thanks so much to both of you for replying. I have been and still am travelling and working online for a few months and didn't realise you don't get notified by email of replies on here! But I've had a few weeks' break from thinking about it all which has been good, and I am not so upset by the news of my low AMH as I was when I first heard. That was a shock! 

Even opening the pages back up again feels like information overload! I think part of what I find so hard is that there's so many choices to make and it's all down to *me* to make them all! I have contacted a lot of clinics, and really liked the sound of one in Athens but I feel uncomfortable with the anonymity of the donor sperm there and they weren't willing to just freeze my eggs. Spain feels like a fairly natural choice too but it's also anonymous donation there too, right?

To be honest, what my gut feeling is, right now, is that freezing my own eggs feels more "right" than going ahead and freezing embryos with donor sperm but a couple of clinics I have been in touch with did say that they would not recommend this to me given the low AMH and that really I should consider using donor sperm and freezing embryos to get a better chance. I'm not really sure what to think at the moment.

What's certain is that I'll be travelling (Australia and then Thailand) until April and then I will return to the UK, so that's when I could start my treatment, or, if I decide to go abroad, then it would have to be after May/June time. So maybe I'm even waiting too long. And I can't decide where to do it! The UK is SO expensive.

Anyway, it's good to hear I am not alone in this, so to speak! Have you started in Denmark yet, Phoenix?

Phoenix, wir koennen auch auf Deutsch sprechen  

Best wishes to you both,
Elvi


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## sunshine82

Hi Elvi,

Having to make all the choices by myself is the worst thing.  I am so upset that I don't get any support from my GP and feel that I am taking huge risks with my health because I am desperate and can't get any advice.  I see a different GP every time after waiting 4-6 weeks for a routine appointment.  One GP rolled her eyes at me when I told her about the IUI in Denmark and said I shouldn't trust foreign countries.  Well I think the Danish system is much better than the NHS!  Although I am upset with the midwives in Denmark who failed to notice/tell me about my 8cm fibroid.  But now I am so desperate I am considering going to Cyprus for IVF, and that seems like a much more "wild west" country!  I have been sent a protocol already after just two e-mails with their international coordinator!  I am freaking out a bit as they have prescribed so many medications and what seem like high doses, and I haven't even told them my age!  That really scares me.  I'm only 35 so do I need to take such high levels of prednisolone and baby aspirin?  As well as all the stimulating drugs that I have no idea what the dose should be!

I don't even know if I should tell my GP/s that I am going for IVF abroad, or if they'll even care.  I'm just worried about side effects of all the medications!!!  I just feel so judged and looked down on for being single.  They seem desperate to help childless couples because they understand how hard it is being excluded from society for not having children, how it affects happiness and self esteem, etc, but if a single woman wants a baby she is obviously a nutcase, come back and get in the system properly once you have a partner, until then we won't test you for infertility or offer you any advice.

Apparently freezing eggs is pointless, it is embryos that we need to freeze, when our eggs are as young as possible.  Women of any age can get pregnant with a young woman's eggs but frozen embryos are much better than frozen eggs.

And yes the UK is so expensive!  It was one thing going to Denmark for IUI which was relatively easy, but going abroad for IVF is starting to stress me out.  I wish IVF was more affordable and accessible in the UK, it's so unfair 

Have an amazing time in Australia and Thailand!!!  xxx


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## Kiss

Hi sunshine I thought I would let you know you are not alone, my GP was totally uninterested and told me I needed to research it myself they could not support. It's a terrible feeling. I looked at Cyprus too, I think you have to take your time and get any tests done that you feel you need to know results of before making decisions. They are all businesses wherever they are in the world and have no qualms about taking your money, I think we arent used to that with the NHS. Xx


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## Tincancat

Sunshine the doses have nothing to do with your age it's related to your test results and if you have ever had IVF before.  In Cyprus every one gets prednisolone and a small dose of aspirin because it improves your chances of success.
It is annoying your GP isn't supportive, mine was even with treatment abroad.  Can you change GP?
TCCx


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## Lotusblossom

Just chiming in for Elvi. If you travel to Thailand which is a Zika infected country, fertility clinics will not commence any kind of cycle until at least 8 weeks after you land back in the UK. I went to Thailand for a week for a mind and body retreat ahead of starting the process and was frustrated by the subsequent 8 week delay and in fact, I hindsight, I wouldn't have done that trip at this time if I'd thought about the Zika risk.

Sunshine - I do think you should look at the less expensive UK clinics - I think the costs you've been quoted will not turn out to be substantially cheaper in Cyprus when you've factored in travel, accommodation and leave from work. Kiss is absolutely right - this is a money making business - all you can do is be as well informed as possible before selecting a clinic and then trying to trust the process you've signed up for. We're so lucky to have the NHS in the UK and are completely used to not thinking about the cost of all the many components of out healthcare, it comes as quite a wake up call when every extra blood test, phone consultation and drug is charged for, during private treatment, but of course they all have a cost.

I'm day 4 of drugs into my second cycle for embryo freezing at present and plodding along ok.

Lotusblossum x


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## Tincancat

Have any of you look at ABC IVF Clinic in London.  Their prices seem good because they use simple reagents for culturing embryos which was in the he news a few years back claiming IVF would be available to all because of this new culture technology. 
Cyprus worked out cheapest for me because I travelled off peak with accommodation just €25 a night and return flights £150 plus I had a lovely 2 week holiday coming back pregnant after several failed rounds of expensive treatment in the UK.  Looking at ABC clinic prices then it's now probably not worth the travelling for most ladies because a return train ticket to London can't be more than £150.
TCCx


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## sunshine82

Thanks TinCanCat, I have looked at ABC IVF's website and will contact them.  The annoying thing is I used to live in London and now I don't.  I really wish I'd done IVF when I was younger and lived in London, but I was so caught up working and renting a room in a shared house that I didn't feel ready.  Why do they have to be on Harley Street  Couldn't they make their costs even cheaper by not having their offices in such a pricey location?  I don't live in London now so it would mean travel and rail fares (!!!) down to London now at least 3 times for one cycle, but maybe that will be easier than going to Cyprus for IVF.

I am considering finding a UK clinic now and just paying whatever it costs.

My worries about going to Cyprus are that I'll get pregnant with twins or triplets, that I'll have a bad reaction to meds and what kind of treatment will I get in Cyprus (I really don't know much about hospitals there!), and I don't really know how safe north cyprus is, am I at risk of being mugged, will the clinic be shut down, is care there actually safe

My worries about paying for IVF in the UK are that I will spend all that money and have multiple failed attempts at IVF costing me thousands of pounds, just like others have, and will still have no baby at the end as they only do single embryo transfers and I'll only have 30% chance of success each time.  I'll e-mail the UK clinics and say "Another BFN" and they'll respond "Sorry to hear that. (like we care because we already have your money)  When you're ready to try again please contact us for another 395 pound consultation."

These are the thoughts going round in my head.  My gut instinct is that I will have more chance of success in Cyprus but a lot more risk, in the UK the risk is being thousands of pounds down with no baby at the end.  Please could someone help me with my reasoning as my desire to have a baby is very likely clouding my judgement!!!


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## Kiss

Hey sunshine, I found myself in this same cul de sac! There is no perfect answer. I think you have to select a clinic depending on what you think is right for you, the travel and the stress of that can be a factor. For me it was as I considered my job and how I would do it all. I looked at the results of the clinics in the UK and chose one nearby that had good results and then it's whether you like the people there and how they treat you. It's all a money making activity for them and all about buying the right treatment for us. This forum is so good for learning from others. It's annoying to pay so much here but at least the travel is easier and you can be at home while stressing out! I also chose to have lots of blood tests before getting treated so I knew about my thyroid for instance and UK clinics don't seem to check it up front, and I didn't want to find out later it was a factor. Does that help a little? Xx


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## Tincancat

Cyprus clinics rely on reputation otherwise people won't travel to them.  All I can say is you can ask to have only 2 put back if you are so concerned.  Other than that ladies do have the option to have a reduction at 12 weeks if they don't want to proceed with multiples.  Not everyone would be open to this and if you are not then you should certainly not have more than 2 put back. 

  You have never had IVF so  the medication protocols are pretty standard here in UK and Cyprus with regards to stimulation drugs.  if you have never had IVF before because no one knows how you body reacts they place you on a standard protocol and in Cyprus they tend to add in aspirin, prednisolone and clexane.  All things UK clinics use after several failed cycles.  My gripe with UK clinics are they tend to put everyone on a standard protocol and usually don't tweak it when it doesn't work.  Multiple failed cycles then ensue with lots of wasted money.  Give me a Cyprus clinic any day over a UK clinic.
As regards safety I travelled alone and felt quite safe but I did get chatted up and asked out by the locals in Northern Cyprus which I had to laugh as it never happens in the UK!  Southern Cyprus I was happier to stay longer and felt safer there than in most UK cities.  
With regards to clinics then yes they could shut down just as UK clinics can.  Difference is Cyprus only take a small deposit and you don't pay full cost until after the treatment whereas as UK clinics take full cost up front. 
TCCx


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## elvi_321

Thanks again all, - yes I had read about the Zika, but thought it was 6 weeks? Will email and ask the clinic. I think I have pretty much decided to go down the route of Serum in Athens and do 2 cycles. They seem very understanding about the low AMH so I have a call scheduled.

I also think I am going to just jump in at the deep end and freeze embryos with donor sperm, but I am having issues working out how I feel about donor anonymity. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

Hope you are all doing okay. Australia is doing a wonderful job of keeping me from thinking about it all too much! Xx


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## Lotusblossom

Hi Elvi,

It's definitely a minimum of 8 weeks (for women, 6 months for men - not that that's relevant here but it jumped out at me as a long time!) from landing back in a non-Zika country before they will let you even start drugs (in the UK anyway) and every cycle you have to complete a form about travel and Zika with your dates of travel.

Regarding donor sperm. I thought about this a great deal and ultimately approached it from the conversation I will have with my child in the future explaining how they came to be. I felt that to make a definite choice on behalf of a child that they would never be able to trace their biological father when there is every opportunity to select an identifiable donor could cause significant problems for a child and they might blame me for that in the future. A child will be able to research this process and know that there was the opportunity to select a subsequently identifiable donor. Once I'd considered that conversation and what I would want if I was a child conceived by donor sperm, I couldn't really see the disadvantages any more but I know people have very different feelings about this.

Lotusblossom xx


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## lucskin77

i am just about to start my ivf treat meant as a single woman, my fiance of ten years told me on the morning of my last appointment that he didn't want to do it anymore!!!
i'm not in the position to wait as am egg sharing, 36 is the max age at my clinic which i turn in 3 months time.  im v nervous and really need support and reassurance that i can do this


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## Kiss

Hey Lucskin sorry to hear about your fiancé, it's a really horrible thing to have happen and I have a friend who is a little older than you that just experienced the same thing. You are in the position to do something great with the egg share though and it's nerve wracking but just focus on that baby goal.   I am also going it alone and the odd wobble is normal. Keep your chin up. You can do this!   xx


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## Lotusblossom

Hello Lucskin,

That's a devastating blow at this point. You are absolutely doing the right thing to continue with your mission. If you can, channel your emotions and effort into your IVf cycle seeing each stage of the treatment as a task to complete. You CAN do this on your own. Much better to be an autonomous parent than bring a child up with a reluctant or controlling father/partner. 

Are you looking at donor sperm? Have you confided in family or friends at all? This community it here to support you and you might also consider joining 'Single Mothers by Choice'.

Lotusblossum


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## lucskin77

thanks so much for your reply I have told a few close friends who have been very supportive.  I am waiting for an appointment with the dr to discuss my options as im hoping to continue with donor sperm.  
i work full time and am worried about finances now doing this alone what will i do if i can't return to work full time.  is it unfair for me to even consider this when i'm planning to have a baby on my own?


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## Kiss

All the sort of questions we ask ourselves everyday. I woke up thinking how will I cope only this morning before saying to myself that other people do so you can too. . I wonder if anyone is really in the perfect place to have children. The alternative is that you don't, and if that is more scary than the thought of coping alone then I guess it helps the decision making. Xx


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## Lotusblossom

Kiss is right. We search our souls to ensure we are making a responsible decision and everything possible is in place to provide the best possible childhood. So many couples have children without considering any of this, sometimes accidentally, sometimes just considering childbearing to be a natural part of adulthood and not considering if they will be any good as parents. There are many children brought into the world in far less than ideal circumstances and little thought. You are already a responsible parent for the thought you are giving this decision and your child's welfare. My sister once said to me 'if everyone thought about all of the possible outcomes as you have before having children, very few people would have them'. But fears and doubts are an ongoing part of this - you have to find faith that you will overcome obstacles as they happen and that they may be different from those you can anticipate. I thought about the obstacles for years until I spent time with a life coach and we concluded, just as Kiss says, that not doing this just was't an option - the only outcome that could be predicted with not trying was that I'd never have a child, and that wasn't tolerable. I wish I'd pushed my practical and societal concerns aside when I first started thinking 5 years ago when I stood a much better chance of success.

From a practical perspective, it's important to have a plan, so work out your essential outgoings, consider what you can stop spending money on now (its amazing what you don't need when there's a far more important priority), consider how you will cope with childcare and research how much it will cost. Will there be practical support from family to cut costs. Do you have a room you can rent out until you have your baby (9 months is quite a long time to save over). Once you've got all of that on paper, you'll know if part time work is a possibility or not. Working part time is certainly ideal but if its not financially possible, that shouldn't preclude having a child - lots of parents work full time and you will be a strong role model for your child as a result. 

One of your options if you remain very concerned about money and work is to freeze embryos, save for a couple of years and then have FET. But if I had my 30s again, I would get on and have a child as soon as possible and worry about everything else later - life has a way of working out if you prioritise the things that your heart tells you are most important - for you, now, that is being a Mum.

xx


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## djjim22

Lucskin 77 - I’ve just skim read the last few pages of this post and will reply properly when I have the time but just wanted to back up what kiss said. The questions you’re asking and the worries you’re having are the same as anyone planning a baby would be asking. I’ve just had my second baby on my own with donor sperm, I’ve had many days where I worry if I’m doing/have done the right thing but definitely have. If it’s what you want then go ahead and do it. Everything will fall into place.x


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## Rosie Ribbons

Hi,☺
Im 32 and single,and iv got a 6yr old and 2 yr old i started my journey at 25 doing ivf with donor sperm, currently having treatment for my 3rd using last frosties,i do have days were i wobble a little but for me i try and keep my life simple and try not over think things ,i lost a few friends as they didnt understand but for me it has been the best decision of my life xx

Katie xxx


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## lucskin77

thanks its really nice to speak with people who have been through this situation as friends and family give advice but don't really get it.

does anyone know if many nhs areas offer ivf as single woman.  the costs involved for me due to the change in circumstances is getting v high.  i have an app with my dr next week to talk this through but just wondered if anyone could share info about this.  i have searched online and can find stories of this happening but it seems to be rare

thanks again x


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## Lotusblossom

Lucskin,

The NHS doesn't fund IVF for single women, unfortunately. 

I hope you find a way to make it work financially.

X


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## BroodyChick

Hi Lucskin, if you're under 36 you could egg share, and get your treatment free.

Just had FET from my one and only IVF cycle, and all it's cost me is around £2800.x


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## Fraggles

One thing to think about if you do choose to egg share is if you do not have children already how would you feel if you never had children with your eggs but the recipient of your eggs did have a child from those eggs.

I had IVF overseas and you could research prices overseas at various clinics which is frequently cheaper than here even with the additional costs of flights etc. If you are young and eggs are still good then you could always consider iui first but then you also need to consider whether if you are fortunate to get pregnant with iui, whether you would want another child afterwards, by which time if you went the iui route your eggs would be older. If you went the IVF route and choose to push ahead for a sibling then you might already have sibling frosties stored that were a younger age then you are when you decided to go for number two.

These were things I never even considered when I had my first.

Good luck. xx


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## sunshine82

I was 32 when I started trying and wasted my time and money on IUI which didn't work.  I wish now that I had done egg sharing, but at the time my worry was about that I would end up childless but somewhere out there would be my biological children.  And I knew that if they did get in touch with me when they turned 18 that I would definitely consider them my children, but they would have different parents who raised them.  And I didn't think I could handle that.


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## BroodyChick

Good consideration, Sunshine82 - as an egg sharer you get to write a donor letter just like any other donor, and I also left a card for my recipient the day of the fresh transfer wishing her good luck.
I have got pregnant every single try from that one cycle, she did once but sadly miscarried. It would not be great thinking about the 'what ifs', but bear in mind that someone using donor eggs is in a much weaker position than the egg donor, so your chances (and finances) are always greater.


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