# Sticky  If you could ask your donor.....



## Anthony Reid

Aside from Academic, Occupational, personal health(including psychological/genetic) and Family medical history - What questions would you like to see when profiling a prospective donor?

Tony
x


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## MichelleM72

-why they donated
-how many times they donated
-how many successes they had from their donation
-do they have their own children


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## nismat

Yes, knowing their motivation for donating is something I would really like to know.


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## janny bear

Hi  

Think i could fill an A4 piece of paper 

I'd like to know if they'd donated whilst having ivf.
If they'd used frozen embryos.
The type of drugs protocol they'd had.
How they think they'd managed a successful pregnancy from either.
How would they feel if the child traced them later on.
Their views on certain aspects of treatment etc.
Why they had decided on donating.
Religious values
Moral values

Most of all, i'd like to say  - THANK YOU.


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## LiziBee

Following on from Janny, the thing I would most like to say is thank you! 
I would like to know why they donated (not just motivational factors but what actually triggered them to do it - an advert, current tx or what?) but I'd also like to know how they would feel about a child contacting them 18 years (or even 50 years) down the line.


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## viviennef

I'd like to know their hobbies and interests to get more of an idea of their personality.

Viv xx


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## Tibbelt

Me too... I'd like to know what prompted them to donate..
We know quite a bit about our donor's hobbies etc but if we didn't I'd like to know that and to know if they had a family of their own...
and to have an opportunity to thank them - I'd love to be able to send a letter via the clinic (even anonymously) for example.
Sarah
xx


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## Fifebloke

Hi Sarah

I didn't come across anything in the HFEA rules that said that a clinic couldn't pass on a letter, but anything other than anonymous would be a huge, irreversible step.

While I'm sure most donors would like to feel appreciated, contact might also create a dilemma for the donor feeling that they should respond or perhaps, in some circumstances, contact could be unwelcome as it might, for instance, open wounds with the donor's partner.

The HFEA does allow for donors to ask their clinic how many successful births have resulted from their donation.  They're also allowed to divulge the sex of the children and the year of their birth.  Names, of course, are off-limits.  I think that this information has to be enough for the donor.  That's all we expected going in after all.

For the parents, the green form that we complete has a section, page 3, that I think you get told about at the start, i.e. things like  Occupation, Interests, Skills and Reason For Donating.  (There's also a space here for a goodwill message for the child should they ever follow-up when they're 1. 

But the form has another section on page 4 that gives the donor the opportunity to try to describe themselves and I believe this information becomes available to the parents after a successful birth (probably only if you ask though).

Best wishes

David


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## LiziBee

David - just wanted to say thanks. If it wasn't for kind hearted blokes like you we wouldn't have  our little buba-bump. 
Finally wanted to say that there is such a thing as too much information, we had to turn down a donor when I realised (from one 'critical' piece of information) it was someone I'd met (and potentialy might have to work with!)
Lizi.x


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## A.T.C.C

how lovely! ive just read through the posts and im filling up now.
I am going through the process of donating my eggs anonymously at my local hospital and its so interesting to hear points from the recipients side of things.
Before i started my medication and after my counselling i had to fill in the green form that the gentleman earlier was talking about and it was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do.
I really had to sit and think what i could write about myself that be would useful for the recipient. I tried to think of things i would want to know if i didnt know what my genetic heritage was. I thought of the things that i get from my parents like stubborness, independance, etc. also things like my values and my outlook on life. It was so hard because ive never really evaluated myself and found it quite difficult to admit some of my good points. My counsellor helped me a lot and pointed out things in me that i hadnt written. Things that stood out for her through what i am doing but didnt really stand out for me cos i just presume that everyone has these things.
The message to the child was easier for me to write - i just wanted the child to know how special they were to have parents that want them so much that they are willing to go through so much. I said that i am giving their parents a gift to help them experience the joy of bringing a child into the world.


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## Ella*

ATCC that's lovely!!Really lovely!

Lizibee- OMG that must have been unreal figuring you knew the donor!! On the other hand would there have been some comfort in sort of knowing? Obviously not as you chose against it, yes it would have been weird. What an interesting scenario mail!

Yes, in answer to the thread, agree with everyone else, thank you to donor! motivation, morals, interests, loads!

Ella


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## bunna

hi every1 lovely messages. ive my 1st appointment at the fertility clinic in may to donate my eggs its really lovely and comforting to know exactly how much the doners are appreciated.

kate
xxx


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## A.T.C.C

Hi Bunna, have a look at egg/sperm donors and look on 'egg donors journey' or 'altruistic donor'
You may find it useful chick.
If you want to ask any questions dont hesitate - ive just donated - had egg collection yesterday so ive gone through it.
Take care xxxx


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## Laura S

Hi
I was an altruistic egg donor in 2000 and have become involved with the National Gamete Donation Trust. Via them I have spoken to many -potential- donors, both egg and sperm.

The vast majority of altruistic donors I have met share my views. We have done it because we genuinely want to help. In my case I felt that my 'eggs were flushing through my system so I might as well use them for something else'. Almost all of them say: "It is one of the best things I have ever done" and that is certainly true in my case.

For me, knowing that the parents will look up to the sky and think: 'Whoever it is, thank you for giving me eggs' is enough. I can't imagine my life without my children and this was the least I could do to help someone else. 

I have a tiny tiny tiny niggle: I would have loved to receive an anonymous card. I would have framed it  . One of the donors I have met has done exactly that and it makes her grin everytime she looks at it.

I am not curious about meeting them at all but if they want to find out about me (which they can because both the clinic and the HFEA have been made aware of the fact that my details can be made known) that is fine with me as well. I understand and accept there is a certain curiosity to find out where that funny toe comes from, the musical talent (not from me!) or the determined streak. 

All the best
Laura


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## Anthony Reid

Hi Laura,

Welcome to FF 

For those interested in looking for more information on this subject then Laura and her colleagues can be contacted via: 

www.ngdt.co.uk 
0845 226 9193
email: [email protected] 

Or by writing to:- 

National Gamete Donation Trust,
The Works Business Centre
5 Union Street
Ardwick Green
Manchester
M12 4JD


Regards,
Tony


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## sweet kitty

sorry to intrude .. im a donor going through my first eggshare .. i know what you mean ... i did put as much info as i could if only there was more paper .. i didnt leave anything out , i explained why i was donating and  i wrote about my life [ like a family tree search if you know what i mean i put loads of info meof a child what i did up to child hood to now .. my good will was special it was that nice everytime i read it  i cryed [ with happiness .. hubby too cryed  with happyness .. and i am very open with  the child / children coming to find me etc .. im very open minded .. i know im the donor  and they are my eggs , but i look at it this way i wont be there mother i am the magical donor mother ... i told feel i need to hold tight to these eggs .. im helping a couple  if i needed a donor i sure hope someone was out there for me .. i know how hard it is ive been ttc 10+ and thats what makes this donor moment the best thing in my life ..  i havnt hidden anything ,, i did ask the clinic if they wanted a pic but  they dont do that , its just that i know what its like to want to know a parent i was brought up in a single parent house hold  so always wondered what  my father looked like /job etc etc .. which made it easy for me to put down on my file .. if the recipient does change there mind i am happy to give them more details but not sure what the clinic would do .. i will never feel its my baby  it will always be there baby/babies .. its quite hard to explain .. im just happy i  could offer  my eggs to a lovely couple  i know it helps them be  parents but it helps me too ..  
  i am so sorry to jump in .. xx kitty  ps and yes i would like  a card or flowers to say thankyou .. it would be the bestest of the best then  my best day of my life.. ive written a card to my recipent  saying good luck .. but thats if im aloud to give it ...


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## A.T.C.C

Hi Laura, i agree with you about the card - i would love to get a card or a letter from one of my recipients. Not to necessarily thank me cos i know how grateful they must feel and that means everything but just something i could keep from them that makes it more real. 
I sent both of my recipients good luck cards and the hospital were great about it and passed them on. 
One of the nurses told me that she thought one of the recipients was going to write to me but i havent recieved anything. 
The hospital bought me a HUGE bouquet of flowers and i was so chuffed cos i did this with no expectations of anything in return so to recieve the flowers was a huge and beautiful surprise. I was so grateful.
The recipients have just finished their 2ww and should know by now if it worked........ i really hope it did!!!!!!!!!! I cant begin to imagine what they must have gone through over the last 2 weeks......... they have been in my thoughts.
Laura im a member of NGDT forum, my name on there is Angel.
Take care ladies xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## tea

hi

im going to be egg donating on my next cycle which is starting very soon, know this may seem silly but i couldnt write alot on the form, my mind went blank, main thing i did write is that the reason i was doing it was to help other as i know what they are going through, and for that person to be happy


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## stephanie1

Hello all
it is  nice to see the other side of the story.
Sweet Kitty, how does the egg sharing work?
I am really greatful for donors as we need to use a sperm donor. I am about to start IVF D ICSCI and if it works and if I react well to drugs I was considering donating eggs too. This is just an idea starting but I think that a lot of people need help like us so it is worth it.

Good evening to everyone and thank you to all donors. (I too would like to know why the donation)


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## A.T.C.C

Hi Steph, what did your last question mean? you would like to know why the donation??
I never did hear anything off my recipients. Its really weird cos it doesnt matter how much counselling you have you wont know how you're going to feel until after the donation. 
I honestly dont feel anything.... in saying this it doesnt mean i dont ever 'wonder' or 'think' i just dont dwell as people seem to expect me to. I just had a big wish and a big heart ful of hope that it was a success and im in no rush to find out how it went cos i believe ill know when i need to know.
I will definately donate again!!!


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## stephanie1

Sorry I did not preview my message before posting.To answer the question of the thread I meant that I would also like to know why someone did donate. And I admire what you have done.


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## A.T.C.C

I again  obviously i cant speak for all donors but i donated because i know the joy of having children and i can only imagine how devastating it must be not to be able to. I should think my imagination doesnt even come close to how it must feel so if i could just give one person a 'chance' then i dont see taking one month out of my life as any sort of 'BIG' thing that people say it is. I did it with so much love and compassion and thats all thats needed.... and a tiny bit of bravery for them injections.... ouch... ha! no not really they were fine too.
To be honest i got so much out of the experience myself... it taught me a lot about myself. I really had to look into myself to fill in the forms for the parents and to write a letter for the child. I found it quite difficult to write positive things about myself until my counsellor reeled off a list of positive things about me just from what i was doing. I got such a great feeling just knowing that 2 women were going through this with me even though i didnt know them. Just to imagine how they were feeling helped me do the injections everyday and just to imagine their hopes for this made me so positive.
For me the donation process finished after my egg collection but for the recipients the rollercoaster was just starting and if things didnt go the way we all hoped then i just hope that the recipients know that there dreams can become a reality cos there are more women out there like me..... they just need to hear about the subject and be made aware of the need for eggs and more people im sure would be willing to help.
Well this quick message has turned into a mini essay so id better stop now.
Good luck to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## GlobalTraveller

I don't know if this is going to be reassuring to anyone or not. I had recently read the book Join Me* and was making an effort to perform random acts of kindness on Fridays. You would not believe how suspicious people in London are. I was doing things like giving out chocolate bars outside tube stations and leaving money in the pockets of sleeping homeless people etc. Some people were really greatful and others just looked at me like I was nuts.

One Friday I saw an ad for donors in The Metro after reading an article on infertility and the shortage of donors. It just seemed like an easier act of kindness that I could do every Friday. I don't regret donating at all, but I do wish that I had thought through the implications of what I was doing more at the time.

Sorry it's not a very lofty motivation, other donors probably have better reasons then mine.

*_Join me is about a comedian who started a cult/movement based on helping people and then wrote a book about it._


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## DapperDan

I'm donating because I'd like to help others have a little bundle of joy.  

We had trouble conceiving our second, with a D&C(?) at 8wks and a delivery at 18wks after discovery of no heartbeat    We started looking at fertility treatment for which my SA had a high count.  Luckily, DD No2 was conceived before progressing much further with the fertility treatment.  I knew they were looking for donors, so requested some more information.  After reading the docs, I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of travelling and parking.

It was only after coming home one Friday after having a cr*p day and having DD No2 zip down the hall in her walker shouting 'dadda, dadda', arms in the air, that I decided if I could help someone else experience the joy I felt, then so be it.

Regards

DD


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## LiziBee

Awwww, DD, that is so sweet. Thanks for helping dreams like mine come true.
Lizi.x


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## A.T.C.C

Thats fantastic news Lizi!!! I havent been on here for ages so i didnt know you'd had the baby.. Brilliant.. well done xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Kate...

hi everyone, not sure if im on the right thread here but does anyone know how long after ec, the recieptant has to wait before she starts her tx?

I had ec in the last week of august, and rang the clinic the other day to see how the other lady had got on(really hope its worked for her,) and the clinic said they are still in storage and she hasnt started tx yet.

I guess i just thought they would have started the other lady on tx as soon as?


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## sal374

hello.sorry to butt in, this is a quick message for ang.long time no speak stranger.just thought i'd pop on to say hi and see how you are getting on.i have got lots of news to tell you.i just tried to send you a message but your inbox is full.i havnt got your emsil address either,couldnt see it on your profile.
love sal xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## x shye x

Hi ladies I'm currently on my 2nd stage of egg sharing and i would just like to say that giving away some of eggs gives me such a big smile as i know that i am helping a someone to bring life into the world and i understand the pain of infertility and its a long emotional journey for everyone involved and its heartbreaking when without the use of donors it may not be possible for some ladies to have babies.
I really hope me and my recipient are successful on this cycle, if it works out that she gets pregnant and i don't of course i will be sad I'm not pregnant but i know in my heart the baby that is conceived will be a very special baby and will hold a special place in everyones heart,

Hope u didn't mind me sharing that information.

Good luck to all you ladies and lets hope for loads of BFP in 2007. xxxx

shye xxxxxxxxxxx


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## wouldloveababycat

Wow these post show what a lot of people think is lacking in the world but clearly not here ..a generosity and kindness that is amazing... I would have loved to have given my eggs but with PCOS I am struggling to produce some ..but if ever that changed I wouldn't hesitate in trying to help other people.. Thank you x


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## Victoria_In_London

Hi everyone

I had no idea that you were allowed to write to your donor even anonymously.  How would I do it and who would I send it to?

I would love to thank our donor.  I think of him regularly and hope he has as much happiness in his life as he put into ours.  I'd love to let him know that.

How would I do it?

VIL
xxx

PS - Those of you who are donors are fabulous!


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## A.T.C.C

Hi there, if you wanted to send a card to your donor im sure you could pass it on to the hospital and they could pass it on.
As ive said before altruistic donors dont do it to get anything in return but as you're going through the process (as an egg donor) you think so much about the recipient and what theyre going through etc and to hear from them would be lovely.


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## caz nox

Hello, 

As a donor I sent my recipient a "thinking of you" card - I want her to know I want her to get a BFP as much as I did. 

I got 16 eggs and split them 50/50. 

I will find out on my next treatment if my recipent got a BFP. 

Carrie


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## fairy-god-mother

Hi

I'm an altruistic donor and now on another go after vowing never to do it again cos of the hassle with the hospital and guess what, 7 years later they are still as bad as ever!!!! (A.T.C.C. - I wish it was just a month but starting this in January this time and still havn'et started drugs and been told this week that it will be September before I start!!!!)

Anyway, I'm like most donors I think. We know the joy and unconditional love that a child brings and we want to share that. I also feel that for me anyway, I just want to make the world a better place and fix all the wrongs.

I've never had a card for any recipient which actually hurt me a bit. It would have been nice for them to have given me a wee "thank you" just to show that they care about me as much as I care about them. Never mind it didn't put me off cos I'm doing it again for a friend this time tho. We met ages ago on FF and I decided that her pain was worth putting up with Ninewells for!!!

For you guys going through this - please send a card or a wee bunch of flowers to your donor/egg sharer . The egg collection is painful and receiving a wee minding from you will make all the difference to them.


Kay

xxx


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## A.T.C.C

Hi Kay
I always said i would donate one more time and im doing so thisyear. I know what you're saying about itbeing longer than a month but its worth it. I should be doing mine in september too but its been a long road this time as its a known recipient for me too.. a lady i met on here last year and she's so lovely and weve got so much in common its weird. Ive got my blood tests in August and hopefully will start my injections on my 21st day in Sep. Maybe we can be cycle buddies this time if we do it at around the same time?
It would be great to keep in touch.
Has your recipient told anyone on here who you are? we havent told anyone yet as i was a bit concerned that maybe id be getting more messages asking if i would donate and ive decided to make this my last time and i wouldnt want t hurt anyones feelings.
My recipient had planned to go abroad for Ed but as we got to know eachother better i offered to donate and she accepted. 
Anyway id better go now but id love to hear from you soon.. maybe you could pm me?
Take care xxx


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## Dolly1976

The reason for donating and background:  

I've never had children and I'm 31 years of age. 

I felt I had to do something to assist having seen the pain and the anguish my sister and her husband are going through to conceive. They are young and in their late 20's.  

There is nothing inside me that says "I want a baby" but understand that for some couples going through pregnancy and having a baby is as important as breathing. 

Despite not having children I know that I will never have any emotional attachment regarding the process and end result. It's a collection of cells that can help in the creation of life. I'm happy to donate my blood, and bone marrow so why not my eggs? I'm a healthy woman who can produce eggs, and felt a little selfish going through my life with choices knowing that so many women don't have the same choices and options. Yes, there is a risk that I will become infertile as a result but there is the same risk with abortion. Since I've had three abortions (not something I'm proud of but the right decision for me), there was a resolute drive within me to give the choice of creating life to couple facing fertility challenges. 

So, recently I went through the process of egg donation. I was asked who I wanted to donate my eggs to during the interview process and to me this was an easy decision - "somebody that was on their last chance, possibly an older couple who had exhausted all possibilities of conceiving through all other processes". Two recipients for my eggs were found and I was told one couple were older and there was a young couple who had been on the list for a long while. When I enquired about the list I was horrified to find out that I was the only egg donor they had received in the last three years. 

I'm glad to say I produced over 20 eggs and each recipient got 10 eggs each and I was told that this was a very good if not a little on the over stimulation side. I was chuffed to learn that the recipients have made 9 and 8 embryos respectively. I pray that they are successful and go on to have a much wanted for child. 

I'm glad I went through the process, and if I feel the same way in a couple of years might even do it again.  

I agree that the most difficult thing from a Donors perspective is what to write on the forms about yourself. How honest should I be and in what tone should I write? I have a very dry and witty sense of humour and considered this when writting the piece but then reconsidered as humour is subjective. I'm stuck and the pages still remains blank. 

Reading this thread has helped me and hopefully over this Bank Holiday weekend I will have completed it.


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## janny bear

Hi Ladies.

Thought i'd do some checking up on the threads as i've not really looked on here since January - Sorry   early arrival on twins.

My babies are from donor embryo. 

Please, please, please don't be disheartened that your recipients don't say thank you - believe me - it's the greatest thing you have done - donate!!!!!!! out of thousands of women that have ivf, icsi etc. only a very,very small amount of you decide to donate. All the councelling in the world doesn't cover the heartache, dissapointment etc. i think it's only when you have your babies does it make you feel thankful & humble to the donor.

My IVF over 11 years has cost appx £30k & it's not all about the money - just the perseverance & kind hearted women that are willing to donate & of course the clinics.

After earlier posting of things i wish i'd asked - my donors were annonymous, as such i also stay annonymous  i think you can find any of lifes difficulties in most families if people care to look deep enough.

I love my children very, very much & please be assured that after so many years & so many different technics, i promise that i will care for & love them, hopefully i stand for all the women that have had donor & wish all of you the very best & thank you doesn't even cover it. 

Love always Jan xxxxxxxxxxx


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## marina1978

I think it's such an amazing gift to be able to do something like this for others, albeit strangers.  I desperately wanted to donate my eggs for my dear friend but my dh was set against it but that was okay, I understood his reasons, and would never hold it against him.  If he ever changed his mind I'd be down the clinic before he could say 'embryo' and start the donation process.  My dear friend did find an anonymous donor in the end from CERAM and had her little boy miracle early  this morning.  She has no way of contacting her donor but she will be eternally greatful.  This kind selfless act has made so many people happy.


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## A.T.C.C

Marina thats fantastic!!! i hope your friend and baby are fine!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Spaykay

I think that it's amazing that ladies give us the chance to have a child...before I knew I was infertile I hadn't even heard of egg donation and can sadly say that I'm not sure I would have been as wonderful as these ladies if I had known. I can't even imagine the pain I would be going through now if the option of using a donated egg was not there for me.

I would like to know a few things about my donor so that any future child could have their questions answered, but if I ever met my donor I think I would just have to hug her and let her know that whatever the reason...I think she's wonderful!

Kay xxx


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## dianne

I am a recipient in waiting for DE

But of interest to any donors who are challenged by the forms

I have an adopted son and when I asked him the question what would he like to know about his birth father 
(we have some contact with his birth mother)

What he was really interested in was all the *physical stuff re height body shape quirks etc * 
Must be a boy thing he does spend lots of time in front of the mirror examining his muscles and asking me if his 
*'biceps look good in this' * 
Also of some interest were his occupation and aspirations in life
I think he is just looking for a connection that relate to himself. 
He is also at the age where he is ready to ask questions with regards his history, which is the same age that a donor concieved child would have access to any information that a donor has provided

Di x

Hope this helps


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## ljalja

Hi, I'm new to this i am a donor. I had the egg recovery yesterday. I started to read this site when i was writing a good will message to the lady that was going to have my eggs. I looked at things you had all said you wanted to ask n i tryed my hardest to put all that in the note to her, So thank you all for that but most of all i told her why i wanted to do this. I'm 25 years old n I'm married i have three great kids, One girl and two boys they mean everything to me. I love them the world i cant think of life without them. The thought of a lady never having the love n joy from a child or children that i get from mine really hurt me and the fact that i could help her have this great thing in life then why not i say.

Some of you have said how would the donor feel in time if and when the child or children wanted to contact them I'm sorry i cant answer this. I cant tel you how i Will feel in 18 years time.I have ask the clinic if i can be told when she has the baby or babes just so i no myself i have done what i wanted to do and that is give someone the gift of life.

The thought of having letter of the lady is great because then you no you are appreciated but i can say i wouldn't replay to her letter, not because I'm rude but because i don't need to need to iv helped her she has said thank you and thats all that needs to be said.

best of luck to you all


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## Wendeth

HI there, i have found this thread fascinating and have been brimming up!  

In answer to Kate (way back) we were contacted by our clinic with a donor whose receipent, for one reason or another, couldn't cycle with her.  The recipient did not want frozen eggs so pulled out.  We were offered the donor's eggs with the knowledge that I would have to get any embies frozen and then start my cycle after.  it was a tricky decision but we agreed in the end and we have 5 frosties waiting. 

After my IVF attempt failed, horrifically, in 2003 dh and i went through a long grieving process and we were told by Oxford that the waiting list for donors was years (which indeed it is for so many waiting).  We came to terms with the fact that i would probably never conceive again and eventually I built my life up and stopped thinking about having another child, deliborately.  

In august a friend mentioned something about Bourn Hall, egg sharing schemes and a lightbulb went off in my head and when I spoke with DH it was like the most obvious answer in the whole world and we couldn't believe that we hadn't thought of it before.  BH said it would be a 6mths wait (as we said we would accept 'positive' eggs) but we were called within 7 weeks of our consultation - a small miracle i feel.

I can't describe the enormous feeling of gratitude and love I feel for my donor.  she is also undergoing treatment at BH, whoever she is, and I am delighted to know that I can send her an anonymous card to tell her how I feel. My treatment may not work but i feel overwhelmed at times by her selflessness and generosity.  Egg donors are the most wonderful women on the planet and if we don't thank you it's because i for one didn't know if i was allowed to make any kind of contact with you.  Whoever you are, my donor, i wish you enormous amounts of   for your own treatment and send so many loving hugs   that you will be squashed! 

I don't feel the need to ask any more questions about my donor than I already know.  It would be too personal for me and then it would also become weird.  It's extremely odd to receive DEs and I wouldn't want to know too many details. Hair, eyes, height, weight, ethnicity - this is all I want to know.

Wendeth x


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## Sajane

I'm an altruistic donor, my first time and unfortunately my last because of my age.  I will be starting my injections this month and now know I will be helping two couples who have been waiting over 2 years.

I can't blooming remember what I wrote on the message bit on the form, probably waffled on!  I think I will send cards to both couples, better start composing now!

My best friend is currently going through IVF, this is what spurred me on to do it, and in all honestly I wish I had donated earlier so that I could do it more than this once.
I can't believe how such a small act as donating eggs can bring so much joy to couples, its very emotional to try and comprehend it, I was very lucky and had 2 text book pregnancies and fell pregnant very easily, so its so, so hard for me to try and empathise what it is like to be desperate for a child, hope that doesn't sound bad, but I can't, all I know is what my friend is going through.

I won't be upset if I don't get cards/letters/flowers, but if I do good grief that will be the best ever!!

I have asked the clinic I want to know if its successful and not sure if I want to know if it/they're boys or girls.

I've been very open about it with my family, my children know, not too sure if they fully comprehend it, and generally Ive had mixed feedback from friends.

If at the end it is sucessful I would like to think that the couples are honest with their child(ren) and i wouldn't mind in the slightest being contacted in 18 years time, that didn't put me off.

Well thats it really.


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## honneybee

Hi I was an egg share donor,

Its good to have this thread as I have been given the green form to fill out and have been trying to think of things to put on it, that maybe the recipient would have wanted to know....

I did egg share because I was going to have IVF anyway and I didn't know anything about egg share, I joined a site where a lovely lady asked me if I would consider doing this, after much thought I decided to go ahead and am so pleased I did, I feel like I have done something I can be proud of and given someone else a chance to experience motherhood and parenthood.

I was pleased as well to find out my recipient is pg with twins, I too was pg with twins although sadly it was hetrotopic, but I still have 1 beautiful little bub growing.

I want to be able to donate again but as a altruistic donor, I have offered the clinic I went to, to get in touch with my recip and ask them if they would like more eggs for a sibling. My age may stop me donating to other couples as by the time I will be able to do this I will be 36, I am hoping though as I have had successful eggs so far I will be accepted, my problem you see is I have no tubes but have healthy eggs.

If there was one most important thing  what would it be?

mitch
xx


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## Spaykay

I'd like to know hobbies and likes and dislikes, or any skills...they may like to know where they may have got these skills from.

Kay xxx


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## kittyblue

if you have a sense of humour.    what tv programmes you like?  do you read books?
how did you do at school,  were you a pest! as a child
did you sleep through the night, when did you learn to speak, read and write
were you a sociable child or quiet and shy
what do you look like obviously,  what were your parents like or grandparents etc
what food do you like,  do you like animals gardening etc 
i could go on for ever but that is what i would like to know about my possible donor.


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## Spaykay

do you have any ancestors (in the not too distant past!) from other countries?

Kay xxx


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## Suzie

Personally I would like to know about all your personality traits such as kindness, generousity, honesty etc 

goodluck filling in your form 

xx


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## SUSZY

Well I am so lucky as my donor has all those traits Suzie just a shame the little beanie did not make it but hopefully how frosties will.
Honeybee - you sound like a wondeful lady - good 
Kay - hi darling


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## Milly40

Honeybee,
            you are one special lady...well done on your cycle and congratulations.....for you and your recipient  

            I would love to ask my donor if she was kind,generous, honest,had a good sense of humour, sensitive, caring , artistic or practical......I suppose all the personality traits and any hobbies, talents or skills that I would be able to  encourage in the child....  oh and what subjects you were good at in school.....I would love to give the child the best possible chance in everything.....

      Love Milly


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## TwoBumps

Hi all,
I've just spent the last hour reading each & every one of the posts written in response to this question. I am about to embark on my 1st cycle of egg sharing (in April 0 and have spent lots of time wondering what will be the best things to write for any potential child to read in 18 years time! Naturally I want this to be a positive experience for them & hope it will answer any questions they may have, without raising too many other questions & sending their mind(s) into overdrive! I have copied & pasted lots of your responses into a Word document so that I can use it for reference when I write my message & wanted to say THANK YOU for all your comments, I have found them very helpful.
The only thing I can't decide what to write about is whether I would be willing to meet them if they chose to contact me in the future. I hope I don't sound mean, but my reason for this is that I don't want to encourage them to pursue this if it will disrupt their relationship(s) with their parents, yet I don't want them to feel rejected by me either so it's a bit of a tricky dilema. Maybe it's best not to mention it on the form & wait to see what happens in the future, although by doing this they may think I don't want to meet them & that's not the case. If we were allowed to enclose a photo of ourselves it may help in this situation as I'm sure lots of young people just want to satisfy their curiosity by seeing what their donor looks like. Anyway, I believe we're not allowed so that's that!
Does anyone have any ideas on how to tackle this? 
Thanks, Lottie x


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## LiziBee

Lottie - my feeling is that you are right not to say either way but I don't have any firm reasoning to back that up!! Maybe you could get around the photo thing by saying something like "I look like Angelina but with shorter hair and Brad Pitts nose" (Well OK, maybe some different celebs but you get the idea, for example if I said my Dad looks just like David Jason in Inspector Frost but with Des Linum's hair  I bet you can imagine his features right now!!)
Thank you for the gift you are giving and good luck with your own journey!
Lizi.x


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## TwoBumps

Thank you Lizi, I wonder if your dad would agree with that description  
I think you're probably right, ooh, dilemas, dilemas!
x


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## LiziBee

Lottie - he is well aware, particularly when he gets asked for an autograph!
Good luck
Lizi.x


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## AirmansWife

LottieMaz said:


> I don't want to encourage them to pursue this if it will disrupt their relationship(s) with their parents, yet I don't want them to feel rejected by me either so it's a bit of a tricky dilemma.


I worried about this too. When writing the greeting letter I did all I could to turn them back to their birth parents. I told them I was able to donate because I knew their parents loved and wanted them before they were conceived. My fear was if they might be looking me up after having a falling out with their parents. IMO, their parents went through to much just to conceive them for them to "slap" them in the face with running off to find me. On the flip side I didn't discourage them to look me up either.

Ladies, I'm currently in the process of doing my third donation and after reading this whole thread must say I have many of the same questions about my recipients. I often wonder what kind of women they are?? Do they love crafts like me? Do they love to read as much as I do? What are their beliefs? What kind of morals do they have? Above all I believe I think the most about what all have they been through to get to the point of needing donated eggs? Early menopause? Cancer? Age? As much as I think and root for these wonderful women I can't tell you how wonderful it was to get a card from my last recipient. I probably hit the roof with excitement when the envelope from my clinic contained the card. She lovingly thanked me then wrote out all she has been through before accepting they needed donated eggs. It wasn't necessary for her to write, but I really appreciated it.

My reason for donating: At first it was for discounted treatment. We have mfi with the few we have to work with being mostly sluggish and malformed. My second and most driving reason was to help someone else get a BFP. The process was very emotional, as I'm sure it is for recipients too, but knowing she wanted a baby so bad and I could help her get it was enough to get me through donating twice.

I wish all recipients the best. Your BFP makes all the injections worth it.


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## Donna C

Im about to egg share and Dh is going to donate sperm. We really wanted to be able to try and give someone else a chance of conceiving also. Its one of the hardest things in the world to be infertile and have a longing and a need to be a parent but we have the chance of being able to solve that problem for someone. I pray it works for them.

Good luck everybody.


----------



## krissf

Just wanted to say that I know a research project took place last year on how donors fill in the pen portrait on the HFEA forms because many donors leave them blank. (I did, just had no idea at all what to say.)

Anyway apparently the research has been published now and the team are now getting some information together to give to donors to help them find the words to write in that section. When I hear about it I'll post it here. Hopefully that will make it a bit easier.

Kriss


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## poochie2

Hi,

I would just like to say I'm having IVF using anon donor sperm at LWC. DP has 1% morphology and also big family health issues we didn't really want to inflict on anyone else...

We chose our donor yesterday. The people at the donor bank was FANTASTIC and took the time to talk to me and get an idea of the type of people we are before sending me through a profile which did really kind of resonate with us. It makes me happy that they have met all these people themselves.

If I'm lucky (I had EC this morning) and this works for me, I would love to send him an anonymous card through the HFEA to thank him. Is this possible?

Many thanks, and lots of ++++++++++++++++ to you all,

Poochie


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## Dominique123456

I'm in a funny position where we used anon donor sperm and I'm now 11weeks pg and I feel strongly that the info we have about the donor isn't enough   

At first it seemed fine but the more I think about the type of questions our baby will ask, the more I feel that we've let baby down by not choosing a donor that had provided more information. I've called the clinic to find out if they can contact the donor and ask him to reveal a bit more about himself. At the moment we really only have the most basic details as he left most of the form blank but he was the right ethnicity for us and therefore quite rare so we didn't stop to think back then. 

I'd want to know the region he grew up in (North, South, East, or West especially if from abroad) so we could talk about that with bubba and get flavour for that regional culture (and dialect if necessary).
I'd like to know why he donated
What some of his values were
A little bit about his family history (in broad terms i.e. paternal granddad was a mechanic, matenal grandma was a housewife etc etc)

That's probably the main bits we're missing.

I was also an egg donor and I filled my form on the computer and it must have been about 10 pages long! I wanted to make sure that all the main bases were covered. I obviously kept it anonymous though.

Has anyone been able to retrospectively find more info out about the donor??


----------



## andreastar1

as a donor myself there was a yellow form i filled in after donation that a perspective child could read once they were 18.

i wrote...

your mum and dad wanted you so much and i was able to make sure you arrrived. Fell loved.Feel wanted.
You are xx


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## emalia

hi i'd like to say thankyou to all the donors out there who have made dreams like mine a reality, 

i'm (almost) 14 weeks pregnant with twins and had egg donation in spain where donation is anonymous. my donor was 33, at the time i thought she was 'old'. i'd imagined that i would have the eggs of a uni student and might have a better chance. when i got my BFP i wondered if i was part on an egg share/ivf scheme and thought maybe my 'older' donor would have taken greater care of herself and thats why i was lucky to get pregnant, if she did share her eggs with me i really hope that she got her BFP too! 
i am happy knowing almost nothing about my donor but that may change when my bubas are born, the only thing i would like to know right now is if she suffers from ecxema or psorisis as i love nuts and haven't been able to eat them- quite minor thing really!  
For whatever reason she donated her eggs, to me she's the most wonderful person on earth who has given me 2 gifts of life and for that i send her my love and blessings and will be eternally greatful xxx
em


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## ♥JJ1♥

I am also using DE's in Spain and I keep saying that I need to bring the child back to Spain and show it where their genes are from.  I also assume that my donor was a young uni student- I don't anything about her as yet only that I have 16 wonderful eggs from her.

I am using a friend as a known donor so can answer all the questions and the child will know who the daddy is etc.

L x


----------



## ~ MJP ~

Ahhh Emalia your post has brought tears to my eyes, bless you! 

Best of luck hun, I'm loving every single minute with my twins!!


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## emalia

MJP
i got a bit emotional writing it too! i've kept the donor part of my PG secret and to be able to express myself on this board made me quite teary too. i was at work & thankfully i wear glasses and caught the trickle before it went past my nose!
best wishes

JJ1 hello again, hope everything is going to plan for you...
x


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## A.T.C.C

Hiya

Im not sure what the age limit is abroad but here the limit is 35.
I think it makes a big difference if the donors get paid or not.
Here in England people dont tend to know much about egg donation and as there is no financial gain for donors here then there isnt an incentive for young ladies to donate.
Abroad it is known as something you can make money doing so ladies do it to get through uni etc.
Here people do it totally altruistically and because they want to do it. Im not saying that there is any difference because you are still getting eggs whatever their reasons for donating.

The point i was trying to make when i started this is that i would think that abroad you would get younger donors than here in England. I dont know any of the facts or anything on this but when the ladies said they thought they'd get uni students .... i thought the same too of abroad.

Its fantastic hearing successful donor stories on here .....  good luck with the pregnancies ladies xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Dominique123456

ATCC  - love your profile pic! I think that donors in the UK should get paid, it's so much more invasive than what men have to do to donate plus the long term risks associated with the medication is still unknown. I think it is such a shame because unless a young woman has personal experience of someone who has had trouble concieving why would it even cross their mind to do egg donation?? It then pushes so many women to go abroad to find an egg donor where there isn't a choice around anonymity or not. 

I wasn't paid in cash but I did an egg share scheme so got a tangible benefit from it. Now that i've done IVF I wouldn't be scared to donate altruistically in the future - like most people the fears and scaremongering around IVF would have put me off.


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## poochie2

Dominique I agree with you wholeheartedly! 

If I had known then what I know now I would have donated eggs. 

Also, re the men, I don't think it would occur to many young men to donate. Through my experience, my closest male friend, who I happen to know is superfertile because he's always getting his wife pregnant despite her (professed) attempts at contraception, said proudly to me that he had been so touched by what I had gone through he wanted to become a donor. I had to tell him at 38 he is now too old. What a shame!

I'm sure more younger men would donate altruistically if they had a peek inside the world of infertility. 

Poochie


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## A.T.C.C

me again.
What is the age limit for men to donate? I didnt think that 38 was too old


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## poochie2

Well I thought it was 35? It is at LWC where mine came from. I assumed that was nationwide but I could be wrong. 

Poochie


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## Dominique123456

Interesting BBC news article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2328909.stm

Extract: "In addition, the researchers found that as a man gets older he loses his natural ability to weed out unhealthy sperm cells through a process known as apoptosis.

This means that there is a greater chance that a damaged sperm cell will successfully fertilise the female egg.

This could mean that the risk of miscarriage is increased or, at the other end of the scale, that children have a greater chance of developing mild abnormalities such as uneven teeth, or asymmetrical limbs.

Lead researcher Dr Narendra Singh told the BBC: "We found there is a significant change by the age of 35."


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## poochie2

I just checked and have seen the age stipulation as 18-45. I expect my clinic limits it to 35 because of the newly researched risks associated with over 40 sperm. 

Oh, just saw Dominique's post. Yes, it's new research so clinics might now be changing their rules. 

poochie


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## olivia m

Hi
35 is the age limit for EGG donors.  Men can donate up to new age limit of 40 (used to be 45), so encourage your 38 year old friend to go for it!
Individual clinics can set their own age limits if they choose to do so, but as sperm donors in short supply unlikely that they will.
Olivia


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## A.T.C.C

Thats what i thought!


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## poochie2

oops I think I was wrong, on the LWC website it says 18-45 for sperm donors. But when I asked them I am certain they said under 35? I know my donor was 33 and all I can say is it worked on this elderly primate (don't you love that term ) !

I'll encourage my friend to go for it. He adores getting his wife pregnant but that shop is shut now so he'll probably relish the opportunity to spread his special love a little further...

Poochie


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## A.T.C.C

Hello AngelaD

Im sorry that you need to donate to get your treatment cheaper darling.... have you had some counselling? maybe that can help you with some of the issues that are affecting you.
What you will be doing is something amazing and very special.
Stay positive sweetheart and take each step at a time   

Love Ang xxx


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## A.T.C.C

Hi again

Maybe you could go to some counselling on your own sweetheart?

I cant understand the question about the alcoholic or drug addicts ... thats bizarre!

Every child concieved from donors has the legal right to find out about the donor.
Im not sure what will happen if you refuse to give your details.
As a donor you have a green form to fill in and you write about yourself on one part and on another part you write a letter to any child concieved from the donation.

I think you need to ask questions about where you stand darling and go from there xxxx


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## Dominique123456

Angela -  It sounds like you still need to come to terms with what egg donation might mean for you and potential baby. It's hard to make a decision up front without knowing for sure if it will work for one or both of you. If you know you really want to have a family then you'll find a way to have one and so hopefully you won't feel bad if a child pops up in 18 or so years curious about their biological roots.

Please don't be angry at me for saying this but I feel that it would be unfair to be an egg donor and then purposefully avoid being detected/identified later because it might upset you. I was an egg donor and I was lucky because we both got BFPs. We also used a sperm donor and I am really happy that if my child is curious later that he has the option of seeking out his biological donor. Studies show that being able to trace a donor can be very important to a donor-conceived child, central to their understadning of their identity.

I guess what I'm saying is that egg donation is cheaper than paying for full IVF but it does come with emotional risk that as the adults we can choose to accept or not. But a donor-concieved child doesn't have any choice about how they were concieved and no guarantees as to how a donor would respond to contact from them. Which is why I personally feel a strong responsibility to make that experience (if they get in contact with me) as pleasant as possible.

It might seem that this is easy for me to say because I'm pregnant but I had to come to these conclusions before I did my cycle. It helped me to keep the focus off myself and to think about the future of these children. I also comforted myself with the knowledge that I would keep trying IVF egg share till it did work for me or failing that adopt.

I really wish you the best and just felt that I had to say something because it's an issue I care strongly about.

I would recommend that you look at the donor conception network: http://www.donor-conception-network.org/ "We welcome to this site couples and individuals who are facing issues about donor conception at any stage, and would like to hear the experiences of those of us who have been there before."


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## A.T.C.C

Angela ...... 18yrs is a long way away ..... the way i see it is that if someone came knocking on my door in 18yrs time it would more than likely be out of curiosity .... its not like someone will be coming in anger cos you gave them up or anything ..... you would be the person that gave their parents a gift to help them achieve their dream .... you would be forever special to that family.

You're not being selfish ... even though you would be doing it for reduced price treatment another couple will still be getting a chance .. that couple could have been on a waiting list for 2 yrs and because of your gift they would be getting a long awaited phonecall to say they have a donor ...... imagine how they would feel.

Think it all through thoroughly sweetheart because if you leave issues and dont deal with them now then they will just fester and become bigger. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Dominique123456

Even if you want to remain anonymous - you would have to give the HFEA your name (maiden and married), your date of birth, your current address, your occupation etc Which means the child could possibly still find you.

Personally, I chose to use a uk sperm donor because I didn't just want 'a child' no matter what. I wanted the ability for my child to seek out the donor if they wished because the research showed me that it was the healthiest thing for them to have that option. If the sperm donor told me now that he was deliberately going to make himself unavailable/contactable I would be furious as that's not what I signed up to and I would feel awful knowing that my child could grow and face that disappointment. I could have imported my sperm for half the price over the internet if I didn't care. So giving an egg but then hiding from the child wouldn't be unselfish in my view because you are putting your needs before the child. These babies/eggs etc are real human beings and it doesn't seem fair to deceive them. For example, my donor-conceived child will grow up knowing that the law in the UK states that when he is 18 he has the right to seek out his donor if he wishes. How might he feel if his donor (unlike most of the others) has done a runner? He might not care at all, but he might care alot (who knows?) but that's why the government changed the law because their research showed that although having anonymous donors is convenient for the clinics and families-to-be, it wasn't best for the children. Hence why there is a shortage of sperm donors of course, because those who didn't like the new rules decided not to donate. Egg donors have more of a financial incentive but that shouldn't overrule the needs of the child.


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## Dominique123456

Angela - i think putting your feelings about future contact on the form is a really good idea and would definitely help manage everyone's expectations. 

I don't think that you can blame people for assuming that the donor doesn't mind to be contacted given how the law makes being contactable a requirement. Being a donor does have some emotional responsibilities and is the primary reason there is a sperm donor shortage. Yes, you sign over 'rights' to the egg in terms of who will parent it, and with that the donor knows they have no rights concerning that child. 

However, my point is that the focus should be taken away from the parents and put onto the child. The child could be forgiven for developing a curiosity or emotional interest in the whereabouts or background of their biological donor (whether donor or parents like it or not). As an egg donor I feel a responsibility to that child simply because I have chosen to donate an egg and therefore I'm the only one who would be able to provide closure/information to that child when they grew up. 

If I come across a child that is lost in a supermarket, I don't refuse to help them simply because they don't belong to me. I would help them because I'm able to and wouldn't like to think of them in any distress because of my actions.

I have two sisters who are adopted and I've watched them go through the process of connecting with their biological parents (different parents) and it has been very eye-opening for me about my responsibilities as an egg donor. Both of my sisters just wanted to make basic contact and maybe meet or write a couple of times nothing more than that.


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## thumbelina

Angela

I am waiting to receive the forms to start my next tx and I will be egg sharing.

To start with the only reason was to bring the costs down, but since I have thought and read more about it, I have decided I would like to donate more eggs once my treatment has finished. I have seen and felt myself how badly IF effects people. If the tx doesnt work for me but does for the donor of course I will be sad for myself but I will be so happy for the recipient. If it wasnt for them I probrably wouldnt have a shot to be a mum and it would make me feel so proud to know I have helped to make someone elses dreams come true.

My dp and myself have discussed this in depth and while we know we are giving the eggs away and the children will be someone elses, we also know the responsibility that comes with it. I couldnt cope with myself knowing that I have given my eggs away but not being there to answer any questions that the children may have in the future. They have a right to know about their background or anything else they want to know.

 - I can see you are having a hard time and I really think you and dh should think and talk about it more before you start. I agree with A.T.C.C if you leave the issues that you have now they will just get bigger.


----------



## A.T.C.C

Hi Thumbelina


I havent got any issues sweetheart ... maybe you have read wrong?


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## thumbelina

A.T.C.C -  lol no I was saying to Angela that I agree with you that if she leaves the issues that she has then her issues will get bigger.  That is what you wrote to her on a previous post.


----------



## Dominique123456

Angela although I've obviously got a different view to you, I am really glad that you're thinking about the possible repercussions of egg donation and best and worst case scenarios. Unfortunately it's so hard for anyone to predict how we or a child might feel in 18 years time - I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow most of the time!

The inescapable fact is that once you donate egg/s it can't be undone. It's crucial to be sure because if you regret your decision to donate eggs you're stuck but if you have to wait longer to pay for ICSI, or you have to take out a loan, then that is potentially a short-term challenge rather than a long-term decision if you know what I mean.

In terms of you not being interested in an 18 year old, I find that puzzling. We all know that when we were 18 we we're still so very young and vulnerable in many ways. People don't become grown-ups overnight and even 80 years olds still have issues arising from their childhood!

Being a parent and/or egg donor doesn't mean that at 18 we stop having some (small) responsibility to the person we helped to create.

Either way I think it's important that if you go ahead with egg donation that the parents-to-be know of your feelings, especially as they would be significantly contributing financially to your treatment and the UK anonymity law might be the reason why they have stayed in the UK to find an egg donor even though it's cheaper and easier abroad.

It's also worth figuring out what you would tell your child if you both conceived during an egg share cycle. Would you tell them that they had a biological half-sibling 'out there'? Regardless of your wishes the child will have identifiable information about you - birth date, last address, maiden name, profession etc with which they could find you even, if you tried not to be found. One of my sisters used ******** to find her biological mum and the other used a detective for £200 who could search the internet, land registries, phonebooks, some transactions and other members of her family tree. With adoption you only really get a name, date of birth and maybe a last address so it's not much to go on but both my sisters were successful.

If you decide to go ahead it's best to be prepared that contact might happen.


----------



## A.T.C.C

Angela 
Im not sure if the treatment would be able to go ahead if a counsellor doesnt think you are ready to deal with it.
Has a counsellor said that everything is ok?


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## Guest

I would probably have a million questions but I would really like to know why that wanted to donate. I like to think that it is because he is just a nice guy!


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## LiziBee

Angela - having read about your anuty's child I can see where you are coming from  have you expressed this to the counsellor? 
One other point I'd like to make is that I have no desire for my children to contact their donor UNLESS that action will help them to feel more comfortable in themselves. 
Does that help?
Lizi.x


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## A.T.C.C

Angela
As a donor i dont feel any responsibility for any child born of my donations cos thats not why i went into it ... i just see it as ive given a couple a gift and its for them to take care of.
The difference is that i wouldnt mind someone knocking my door in 18 yrs cos they wouldnt be looking for a mother cos their mother gave birth to them. Im not giving a child away im a just donating a cell from my body to someone else to give them a chance of being a parent.
In my view this is totally different to adoption where there must be so many questions for a child to ask their biological parents..... adopted children may have issues of feeling abandoned and want to know why.
With a donor child im sure their reasons would be totally different and maybe if you do make it clear on the green form that you have reservations about contact from a child then the parents may advise the child not to contact you.

I dont know the answer to this at all because it is clear we all have different views and must respect that.
I just wish you the best Angela xxx


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## Dominique123456

Angela - that's really interesting to know more about where you're coming from, thanks for sharing that. I can certainly see why you might have reservations.

It's so frustrating relying on a donor to help make your family, I don't want my child to suffer because of it. So it's about doing whatever is in my power to help them be as healthy physically and mentally as possible. If research shows that being able to contact the donor, even just for minimal contact, helps them grow into happier & better adjusted human beings, then what sort of mum would I be to stand in their way or make it difficult for them?

"sorry you can't have it both ways if you want to bring the child up as your own then that is exactly what it is yours." 

Angela, I'm sorry but I think it's naive to think that we as parents have the final say as to who, owns who. 

That child WILL be the responsibility of the recipient family BUT that doesn't mean that the egg or sperm donors simply don't exist. The realities of donor conception is that these children do have a more complicated family history that I think is impossible to ignore.

You don't own people, even if they are 'your' child, so being free to be contacted as an egg donor or allowing your child to contact their donor is part of helping any of the children conceived through donors access to their rights as a human being to understand more about their identity.

In practice I think it's really unlikely that the child from the egg I donated will contact me because I gave such a full and comprehensive biography of family history, interests, beliefs etc that I can't imagine what more they would learn from meeting me?


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## Rinfy

It's lovely to see so many willing to share the gift of life.
I donated towards the end of January. Although altruistic, we discovered after offering that the cost of our own treatment would be significantly reduced and that certainly has helped, as the own part of my IVF didn't suceed that time. At 35, I am now unable to donate again

I can't describe what that donation means to me. I feel that I have done so little in life to be proud of and this is one of the things that I have done that makes me all warm inside. I can only hope that there is now an expectant mum, who had previously been unable to share the privelige that so many take for granted. I am blessed with the possibility of knowing that perhaps there is a tiny little piece of me, growing up with mum, being treated like the precious little being they are. A few extra injections and days of minor discomfort pale in comparison.

I hope one day that I may know if the gift I tried to give arrived safely. But, regardless, I think all donors should be proud that at least they gave the chance of that gift, whether it could be unwrapped in the end or not


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## Battenberry

Rinfy, it was lovely reading your feelings on donating, you sound like a wonderfully giving person to give someone else the opportunity to having a child, and viewing it as a gift, which it truly is!
I'm still mulling over whether I could be a donor, and your post has certainly helped put it all in perspective, and given me something to think about.
Wishing you all the best and hoping you will have a gift to unwrap yourself in the near future x


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## Donor Swimmer

Hi

I'm a guy who's about to become a sperm donor - give or take my final genetic tests.

I wanted to say thankyou so much for this thread. It has been a really strange journey emotionally and mentally in the past couple of weeks since starting this process. It's all totally new territory for me, as I'm sure it was or is for you, and it has been of immeasurable value to have found places like here, and especially threads like this one.

I said it elsewhere but I should repeat it - reading your stories has been heartbreaking. However unlucky and down you feel I want to say the love and strength you share with your DH's and others is incredible and I am left in awe, sure that you could be wonderful parents.

Initially it seemed like a big 'give', now it seems the least I can do given these good genetics (I hope!) that would otherwise be wasted.

Some of the posts on here really resonated with me - Rinfy has said most of it quite succinctly.

I have put a lot of thought into how to fill out the form, should I get there, and it's brilliant to hear what details you think matter. Are you more interested in my hobbies or my skills? 

So why do I want to donate? Because of you, because there are so many children born by accident that ones wanted so intensely will be loved like few others, because I know I cannot begin to imagine how a prospective father feels to reach the point of considering this, because I think given all that, I can at least offer a good start - and finally because life is the most wonderful thing.

Just be so so sure it's not about the money, I can (just) walk to my clinic and make it after work - expenses Zero, outgoings Zero, loss of earnings Zero. Wouldn't have it any other way and the few other donors I've spoken to have felt the same way.

Thank you for this thread. There's more I want to say or ask but there's so much going through my head it's best bit by bit and seeing as this could be up to an 8 month process there's no rush.


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## Guest

Donor Swimmer,

I often think about the wonderful man who has helped us have our beautiful son , and hopefully more, and I wonder if he sometimes sits at home with his own family and has any idea about what he has done for us. I cannot thank him personally so I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for becoming a donor. Without men like you our son would not be here, or so many other, longed for and deeply loved children xx


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## LiziBee

I'll echo that! Donor Swimmer I'd like to give you a great big hug! 
Lizi.x

PS. And while I would like to know about your hobbies and interests I'd say don't give too much detail, I realised I was able to identify a donor at our clinic as he'd put down what prizes he'd won!


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## Dominique123456

Donor Swimmer - what a lovely post. You seem like such a warm and caring person. I went totally overboard with mt egg donor form and wrote pages and pages. I wrote a non-identifiable summary of what jobs and main accomplishments my parents and their parents did and where they were born. I wrote what my interests were and what I do for a living. I wrote some stuff about my beliefs (I don't know if this was OK, but I wanted to try answer all the questions that a child might have about their donor i.e.:

where they and their family are from
what are they like - serious/funny/nice/focused/scatterbrained/conservative/hippy in their outlook etc
what they believe in
any personal messages they might have for me
whether it would be ok to contact them in future

I made it clear in my form that I saw myself as a donor and not a parent.


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## ♥JJ1♥

It is very interesting as I am using DE in Spain (and I know nothing about the donor as it is all anon there) I chose to go there due to the short waits and haven't really struggled with the anon part, although I do say things to my friends like- I wonder if she is Spanish, how old is she, why she did it for me, interests, physical characteristics, is she arty/sporty/musical  etc, education etc. 

I am using my friend as a known sperm donor and I see the effort that it entails for him and know that I am so lucky, dragging him around from clinic to clinic and to Spain on numerous occasions, bloods every 6 months. I have his sperm stock piled in the UK and abroad, but I do know everything(well most things!!) about him, ask his partner and his mother/sister see childhood photos.

I have friends who have children conceived with donor sperm and they do cherish the kind words on the forms and message that you get when the baby is born, and they talk about they son and say ' well the donor is 6 ft tall etc'
L x


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## Donor Swimmer

Thankyou for your kind words, it is just a gift though and it's enough knowing what it means to people - I just wouldn't want you to think it's given without thought or casually. I'm sure some donations have been in the past but with the loss of anonymity I'd hope you'll get a more considerate set of donors. It feels a bit of a joke how little it is compared to what comes before for the recipients.

Something I wanted to say straight off is the idea of an anonymously passed card is very touching. While I expect nothing from any children born on account of my donation, nor of the parents past loving them and doing their best, I will care and wonder I think.... I'm glad of the 18 year anonymity as I'm a caring guy, seeing or knowing where they are would be a real emotional strain but by then time will have done it's trick I imagine and I only look forwards to seeing... well... I expect that far into the future seems as unreal for you as it does for me.

While re-reading this thread to make a list of things to put on the form it's been interesting seeing different people's views on contact when the children are older. Personally I think I'll be very curious, and though I'd feel no hold over them as if they were mine in any way I'd love to know what became of all this... and I hope I'd be very proud of the recipients and the young people they've brought up.

Anyhow it's results day tomorrow in theory, though so was friday so fingers crossed I get the thumbs up. Then hopefully I'll get my forms to go deliberate over - will have a bit of a wait as I showed signs of only recently having caught CMV so a little delay for your safety.

*hopes*
i.

ps. one question - how do you feel about numbers of recipient families? We can say up to ten - but considering the potential for multiple births and siblings that could mean when a child reaches 16 and asks the HFEA about half-siblings they could have easily 20...

To me that seems a bit of a strange one. I find myself tempted to limit it to around 5-6 families so it would be around 10 half-siblings. I can get my head around that. What limit would you like?


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## fox mulder

Hi Swimmer

Personally I think you should not put any restrictions as that kind of defeats the whole purpose unless you have any particular moral issues

I didn't put any restrictions on my form

As I understand from my andrologist the average success rate isn't always that high so I think you should just leave things to take their natural course and not worry about the detail. 5, 10 even 20 plus siblings is not an issue

I hope your test results are Ok 

Que sera sera baby  

Fox


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## Dominique123456

I thought it 10 individual families was max. So two siblings in the same family only counted as one? The aim is to reduce any risk of sibling meeting and having a relationship.

Good luck for tomorrow!!! (CMV is very common so don't worry about that).


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## LiziBee

I think my clinic said it was 10 individuals PLUS any additional siblings. So if the donor got to 10 children his donations would stop there but families could still reserve additional sperm to create siblings. I think our donor has 3 kids of his own, there are 2 more families of 2 children each then we had DD1 making 10 BUT we reserved more sperm and went onto make DD2, the other families may also have some sperm reserved but no new family will become involved.
To me this seems like a good number, I'd hate to think of my little girls being a small part of a hoard of half-siblings, this way we only have 3 other families to 'deal' with if or when the time comes. Does that make sense?
HTH
Lizi.x


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## DapperDan

As far as I'm aware, it's 10 families which does not include the donor's family.


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## fox mulder

Hi Lizi

Mmm I think you need to put yourself in the shoes of the other women 

Your girls are still yours even if they do end up with rather a lot of half siblings - I don't think anyone will oblige you to have anything to do with 'other' families at any point unless Gregory Peck turns up in a magnificent white suit to chuck you over the edge of a dam a la 'Boys from Brazil'

Personally I have 4 half siblings . I expect I probably have some more in Uruguay and worryingly Brazil as my dad was in the merchant navy as a young man

The big picture is : If a donor puts a limit on their form then given the shortage of donors that means some women will not get a donor  

I expect the clinic will use the donor sperm until they either hit the maximum number or run out of stock and there is no guarantee that the donor will manage any pregnancies at all

So I don't really see much point worrying about the numbers

Fox


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## LiziBee

Thanks for your opinion Fox. I am aware that there appears to be a sperm shortage at many clinics, fortunately this was not the case at our clinic. In many ways I am very sorry that I cannot give 'our' unused sperm to any other couple but I do think it is right that there is a legal limit and I don't have an issue with donors setting a lower one if they wish. Better some sperm than none at all.
And if our girls want to find their half siblings then I will support them in that and if they want to establish relationships with them then we will be involved, Gregory Peck or not.
Lizi


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## *ALF*

HI

Just thought I'd add my two-penny-worth in on the half-sibling front.  I understand that it is 10 families and however many children each family has, therefore, yes if each family had 2 or more children you could be talking about 20+ half-siblings.
After our daughter was born I asked our clinic how many other pregnancies they had acheived with our donor, at the time they had acheived 9, including us.  So, that's another 8, possibly more allowing for multiples, half-siblings that DD already has.  Obvioulsly this could increase if any of those families go on to have more children with this donor.  This number doesn't worry me at all, if DD wants to go and find these people when she's older then we will do everything we can to help her and will support her in every way we can.
I do think it's right to have a legal limit and I think 10 is reasonable - as far as I see it we are so thankful to our donor, without who we would not have our precious daughter, and I know there are 8 other women out there thinking exactly the same, I can't possibly begrudge them that.

A huge thankyou to all the donors out there who have made so many dreams come true  

Dawn


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## *ALF*

Just another thought;

Donor Swimmer - if the number of families worries you so much that it could mean a choice between reducing the limit or not donating, then please reduce the limit, after all, as Lizi said surely some sperm is better than none at all and that could be 5/6 peoples dreams you could make come true.


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## Donor Swimmer

Oh it won't stop me. I've slowly come to the conclusion that since prospective parents are told how many pregnancies have been achieved with that donor then the decision is more fairly theirs to decide whether to use me or not so I'm decided on leaving it at the default 10.

It's been a very long wait due to a wrong box ticked and subsequent retesting but all passed now and CMV retest in a fortnight then in theory all go - expect I'll get my form then.

As a donor I'd like to give a big thankyou too - to all of you who are using proper clinics, who are willing to save and pay and do this properly rather than take the cheap short-cuts available with mystery anonymous donors fixed up over the net. I truly respect the dedication and effort and feel hugely more comfortable knowing any child born of my donation will have parents who will put in the effort for them too

I wish you the very best of luck in these lovely sunny times


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## Candee

Dear donor swimmer,
I read your lovely post and just wanted to thank you, because what you are doing is a completely
amazing thing. I am relying on two wonderful people, like you, to have my chance at being a mummy
and I can't say it to them, so I will say it to you - thank you so much, because the gift that you are giving is
completely priceless.
Candee
x


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## Dominique123456

Donor swimmer - I feel the same way but you put it into words better than I could!



Donor Swimmer said:


> As a donor I'd like to give a big thankyou too - to all of you who are using proper clinics, who are willing to save and pay and do this properly rather than take the cheap short-cuts available with mystery anonymous donors fixed up over the net. I truly respect the dedication and effort and feel hugely more comfortable knowing any child born of my donation will have parents who will put in the effort for them too


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## hopehopehope

dear donor swimmer and all other donors out there. Thank you.


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## LiziBee

Aww, Donor Swimmer you gave me a warm and fuzzy moment - thanks!! Right back at you, its great to know that someone will get a donor who is thinking things through properly.
Lizi.x


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## Guest

I am looking at xytex.com site and seeing a picture of the donor is difficult since you cant put a name to the face or simply just thank him.  however, i would like to ask donor how many times he had donated and does he fear child/ren reaching their 18th birthday.


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## slinkyfish

Hi

I just wanted to say this thread has really helped me  

We are donating our embryos because we have 3 beautiful children we wouldn't be without and, having been through the experience of infertility, would like another couple to have the same joy and happiness we now have.

I have been so interested to read all your views and opinions. I would love to know about the child that will hopefully be born to a donor family, and I know from reading this how loved they will be. I would also be happy to give as much information as the recipient Mummy and Daddy or child wanted about us and would also respect them for not wanting to know too   

It may sound odd, but I'm really excited about it and   it works for them. I don't fear the time they may want to meet me either. DH and I created them but it takes more than that to be a parent.

Good luck to you all


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## stephanie1

OHHHHHHHHHHHH  Slinky what a beautiful gesture, really nice of you guys!!!

I think this is the best present ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope that the recipient will get a BFP!!

Steph


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## pinkbabe

I would just like to say to all the donors out there, it does not matter why, what, how, and when you donate, you are all truly amazing people, to give such a precious and wonderful gift to someone, who would otherwise not have the chance to become a mummy or daddy.


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## Dominique123456

Aw lovely - thanks pinkbabe and slinkyfish. That's wonderful! Did they get a BFP do you know??


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## IGWIN79

Hi there everyone 
I hope yous dont mind me posting here it just touched me some of the posts i read , and i will warn you now my spelling is so so bad   

I am due to start egg share feb or march time ,can i just say  i got asked by the counceler how would i feel about more or less giving my eggs to some one else because its a piece of me 
and how would i feel about knowing i have a child out there
Well I have two beautiful children from a prev relationship , and would be devasted knowing i couldnt have children in my life , i have now married my lovley DH and have been trying since 2007 ,  i have had one tx before and i had two wee embies binned , which i thought was such a waste, and i had said to DH just after ET  someone else could have had them wee ones. When i think of giving my eggs to someone who really really wants them , it makes me really happy to know that i can help someone with fertility issues , the same as me , because fertility issues do really put your life on hold and is the most painful and stressful thing i have ever had to go through , and to ease someone elses pain and to give them the greatest gift of all a beautiful child , even if i dont get a BFP. I would be over the moon to know i have helped someone , so some good can come out of it as well . I wouldnt see that as my child as mine, someone else carried and cared for that child , (yes it has my DNA , but that child will be theres to love and care for , and i would welcome that child with all my heart if they ever come looking me in 18 years  , and explain to them why i donated 
One of my good friends recently found out that her eggs are no good , and she has coped so well ,i  really admire her as i dont think i could cope as well as her , but if she ever needed i would offer right away 
There seems to be a thing about how many half siblings there will be , but in the end i see it as that child is wanted so so so much and if there loved and cared for , i dont mind , its a very hard road to go down but i have looked at it from a receipts point of view and i would be devasted if i couldnt have a child because there wasnt people out there donating , but in the end everyone has a different point of view , i and prob dont see it like i do ,  but i do respect that everyone is diff 
I honestly think there should be more people out there informed about egg donation , as i only found out about it 6 months ago
I really hope all yous ladies get all your wishes of becoming mummies i really do  
good luck to everyone , love sweetchilli xx


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## pinkbabe

Sweetchilli, ive just read your post and really enjoyed reading it. I wish you every success with your treatments    

You are truly amazing, thankyou  

Karen x


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## Guest

Sweetchilli, I agree with everything you say. I only discovered FF when DP was having trouble TTC as I never even questioned my own fertility before then. My eyes have been opened up to a million different stories of both great joy and terrible sadness. I have thought very seriously about egg donation over the last year and I hope to get started a few months after this baby is born as I will be 36 next year  . Like you, I wouldn't see any child born from my donated eggs as my child. If I did, you could flip that thought on it's head and say that DS is not DP's child because she has no genetic link with him, and the new baby will not be my child because I will have no genetic link with it  . I think it is sad that so few people know about the awful fertility issues that exist for couples everyday and how they could be helped. I know our sperm donor wanted to donate because his sister had had fertility treatment at the same hospital, and of course I now want to donate because of our own problems TTC. I think infertility is still a very taboo subject to be open about and the media seems to give people the impression that we have no morals and are all frantically putting 8 embryos back in  . I don't expect everyone to start telling the world that they have been TTC for 4 years as it is a very private thing but infertility seems to carry this air of shame from those experiencing it, and awkwardness amongst those who know about it. 
I just want to give someone the great joy that I have in my life. I hope you are very successful with your treatment xxxxx


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## Debbie13

I am just hoping to embark on IVF with donated eggs and sperm and whatever happens I want to say to all the caring donors thank you from my heart for the priceless opprtunity youu offer to woman longing to have a child to love and nurture. Bless you all!

LOve,
Debbie 13


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## dawniek

Hiya everybody! Just wanted to say it's lovley reading your messages. It makes me want to donate more. I have 5 frozen embryo's left from 27. I have a 22 month old boy and am now 12 weeks pg from the 27 embryo's. We are so lucky and would love to give a couple the chance to become parents. We think it would be so amazing to give the gift of a child to a couple.

XdawnX


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## ceci.bee

Thanks all for this wonderful thread, really enjoyed reading through it and gave me lots of warm and fuzzy moments from all the donors out there.

We are incredibly grateful to our donor, especially as there are hardly any donors of jewish heritage and to find someone who will do this despite the 'teachings' of his faith is truely incredible and a big thank to all donors, especially those who do this despite anyone in 'authority' saying it should not be done 

We are having tx with frozen eggs, and are only defrosting half as I would love to donate the other half if we don't use them, as it would feel like helping the balance of the world if that makes any sense   and this thread has really helped me to know that is the right thing to do.......

love to all
C


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## katena

Hiya,

Thanks for everyones lovely and heartfelt posts - i've been sat reading them all for ages!!! 

I am at the stage of getting my 1st appointment to explore egg sharing.... i guess i'm a little scared about what to put down about me and why i am going down this route!

My first reason - is that we simply cannot afford to pay full whack for IVF - if we did we would have no money to give a child the quality of life it may need!

Secondly - we are a same sex couple.... is this something a recipient would want to know or not? I'm scared in case someone has strong beliefs and is horrified by getting 'gay eggs' or something bonkers!!! if i don't put this info in i feel like i would be missing out such a big part of the picture that is 'me'!

Thirdly - we are using donor sperm and so someone has kindly given us a chance to create a family and i want to 'pay the gift forward' (much like the film!) We have gone (and are going) through so much to TTC that if we can help someone else in the process and give them the gift of a family then why not!!??!

thanks for any advice you can give!!

karen


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## Spaykay

Karen - I think that even though your 1st reason for donating eggs is cost does not mean that you are also being very unselfish and giving someone a gift of life. Even though you need the support, donating your eggs is not an easy decision and something many would not be able to do. I think that yuo can explain from your heart the understanding there, for whatever reason, that the desire to have a child when you can't 'naturally' can sometimes only be acomplished with the help of a very special person, whatever the situation. 

Also, I do not think you need to mention that you are from a same sex couple unless you want to know that the people receiving your eggs are not someone who has anything against 'gay eggs'. I reallythink that 1. If someone honestly thinks that a gay person donating their eggs may mean the baby is gay ... then they're a bit daft and 2. If it bothers them then they don't deserve your kindness anyway    I did giggle at the idea of 'gay eggs'   , but your right, some people may be bonkers   

Good luck and thank you for donating (from a lady with a family because someone had the heart to donate...for whatever reason!)

Kay xxx


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## Dominique123456

Gay eggs - that sounds so cute  Like they'd be happy little things.

I think that it's up to you what to write in your form. I think that I didn't disclose in my form that I was in a same sex relationship and maybe I should have? I wasn't sure so I just went with saying a bit about my familiy history, what I do now, things I like to do as activities, and some things about my values - which illustrated using quotes and a poem I think. (cringe now though!). 

The thought had crossed my mind that someone might think that they had been lumped with inferior donor eggs because of my sexuality. Which is a very harsh thing to think of myself. Internal homephobia is pants. So I think that it is entirely up to you. I like the idea of weeding out any anti-gay couples by being honest about it. 

Good luck!


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## The_Scenic_Route

Hello, Ive just had my egg collection 2 days ago and we had 13 eggs, thats 7 for me and 6 for my recipient. I am so pleased for her. Id have liked to give her a couple more, but 6 is a respectable number and not too many to have put my own health at risk.

I wish I could rewrite my donor info letter now. Since I was reading my sperm donors letters I have a completely different point of view as what a recipient would want to know. I was quite honest with all my pros and cons, now I wish I had just been positive so that the recipient didnt have anything to dwell on or worry about. We read into every little detail that the sperm donors had added and tried to work out what they probably meant by them. It drove us mad! In the end we just read the donor letters, instantly discounted the ones that sounded like complete weirdos (there was only one) and we had to choose the donor on fairly simple details rather than read into what they had written. We are happy with our choice now.

5 or my 7 eggs fertilised on day one, Im waiting to hear when my ET will be. Cant wait and very nervous!


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## katena

Hey scenic...

Hope alls going well with this cycle?

Ive just wrote my 'pen picture'.. it was soooooooo difficult. But more so was the msg to a child! How odd to plan a msg that may be read in 10/18 yrs time...without wanting to appear a freak or let anyone down!

When did you get your donors pen picture? were using donor sperm and not sure when we can read it... let alone if we want to yet!!!

k


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## Dominique123456

Don't get too excited about the sperm donor form. Ours was so basic it was a joke! I think that egg donors tend to write a lot more.


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## poobear

It is interesting to read what egg recipients want to ask their donors. I live in SA. I was a surrogate in the UK.  I just had my 4th child and wanted to donate. So today I phone a donating site. The told me that I am near cut off age so I might never get to donate. I wanted to donate because I am going to have a hysterectomy soon and thought it would be a lovely part I could do to help someone have a baby. Well hopefully I have 3 months on the site before they remove me. Hopefully I can help someone. My gynea said my eggs were still good so cross your fingers.


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## tulip1411

Hi,
I am so glad to have found this thread. We have just donated our 8 frozen embryos and have been fretting for days what to write. I have had to do a bit of soul searching and this and help lots thank you ladies xx


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## tulip1411

and sorry if anyone doesnt mind but has anyone on here used donor embryos if so I would love to know how they feel and what they would like me to put - thank you xx


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## dmorrice

hi i am now preg via doner eggs as as though 35 hav the early menapause!.
i would like to write a thank you card to my doner via my clinic but havnt got a clue wat 2 say other than the obvious thankyou.
please help!.

we have a pen pic oh her as in area from and has 4 kids from previos marraige.year younger than me.
near match to me physically  and works in a shop.
i dont hav any more contact with my clinic now as back with nhs now.
anything else i should get told about or from the receipant was told shed b happy to have contact should the child want to.

thanks for reading.
looking forward but like others not sure how ill feel after birth re not being like me characher wise but looking like hubby.hopefully worrying 4 nothing!.


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## sabrina.bain

i have been sat reading through all of your posts and they are so touching.
i can see the most common question you guys would like to ask a donor is WHY?
my reasons were very simple suffering from infertility myself i know what it feels like to want a child soo much but its just out of reach.
for me at least it was just blocked tubes that was the problem and can be over come with ivf, for some women its not that easy, they dont have eggs and need someones help to reach their goal.i felt for me to be able to have the chance of a child someone else deserves that chance also,so it was a no brainer! i also fell out with the nurses on the day of egg collection as i told them if there was an odd number of eggs to give the extra one to the recipient. they wuldnt listen to me until i got angry with them and told them y i felt so strongly about it. the way i see it if my ivf failed i can wait a few months produce some more eggs n try again. the recipient on the other hand if it failed had to wait possibly another two years for another match. 
cant wait to find out if she actually got pregnant my fingers are crossed for her and wish her all the best.


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## stevegreen

As a private donor the big questions I get asked are....
Why are you donating?
Can you travel?
Describe yourself.
Are you disease free?
Have you been tested?
Are you willing to donate a sibling in the future?
How many successes have you had?
Does your wife know what you're doing?[/color]And about a thousand other questions, but these are the big ones.
#My first post#


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## ceci.bee

Steve can I ask what your replies to those questions are:

thanks - don'yt worry if you don't want to post them or its too personal
Ceci


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## stevegreen

As a private donor the big questions I get asked are....
Why are you donating? = Having gone through the IVF process and seeing how difficult it can be to get a child, I thought I'd do my bit.
Can you travel?= Within reason.
Describe yourself.= Big daft dad.
Are you disease free?=yes
Have you been tested?=Yes
Are you willing to donate a sibling in the future?= Yes
How many successes have you had?= 4
Hope this has answered your question Cici.


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## stevegreen

Sorry, Ceci.


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## ceci.bee

Thanks Steve and thank you for donating - none of us would have a lovely happy familes with out the generosity of men like you   I love the description of a big daft dad - you sound lovely
C


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## JennMcC

this is a lovely thread,i really feel for you all    and admire your strength!
i have shared my eggs and both myself and the other couple had baby boys,im so glad i shared my eggs and will be doing it again at my next tx. if there is anything anyone would like to hear from an egg donor perspective i would be happy to give you my point of view.
good luck to you all!


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## kickstarter

I recently registered as a sperm donor after picking up a leaflet in my G.P's surgery and am attending my local NHS hospital. I am finding it a challenge mentally, especially as I have my own kids who are too young to understand. So, coming onto the website and reading people's appreciation for donors has been great. Thank you. P.s hope the choice of username doesnt offend, it was the first word I saw when I looked around the computer when registering!!


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## ceci.bee

thanks so much kickstarter for registering as a donor -the UK needs more kind generous and wonderful men like you and love your user name!

lots of love
CEci


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## xxHoneyMonsterxx

Such a great thread,I've just spent the last hour or so reading it all & it's made me feel warm inside  

I'm going to be egg sharing, hopefully starting tx next month, and I've been wondering about what sort of things to write and this has helped loads! So thank you to everyone for your input.

Just something I've been thinking about over the past few days - if my recipient managed to have a child as a result of my eggs but then no more after that, I would be more than happy to donate again altuistically to help them have a genetic sibling - does anyone know if this is possible? Could I write this on the form to the couple - if they ever need to have more of my eggs they can contact the clinic who can get on to me?

We couldn't really afford to have IVF but egg sharing has made this possible and has given us the chance to have a positive outcome. However, I would say that although the cost factor is a big thing in doing this, it is not the ultimate reason for doing so. I know of a few ladies who are really struggling with IF, cannot afford IVF but will not take part in the egg sharing programme because they cannot part with their eggs for whatever reason.

For me my main reasons are due to the struggle I've had with secondary infertility, with losing my daughter and the fear that she would be the last baby I give birth to.  I just think of there being another lady out there, maybe in a similar position....maybe she has lost a baby & now found her eggs are no good....the despair she would be feeling.....and hopefully I can put an end to that for her & her OH. I really do hope I can help make their dream come true & would just love to be a fly on the wall when they get their phonecall saying they've found a match!

I wouldn't wish IF on my worst enemy so I'm hoping I can just do my bit to make a small part of the world a better place. 
I wish everyone the very best of luck on their journey xx


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## Donna C

Wow! I've just returned to this site after four years and I'd read a post you put on my thread and I was feeling upset that I hadn't been able to respond to you as I haven't been active on here recently. Then I scrolled down to see you got your BFP and nearly cried! Just wanted to say a massive Congrats that's all. Best of luck x


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## NewDonor

This thread has proved very useful when considering what to include about myself when I donate, so thanks


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## heavenly

It's a wonderful thread, thank you to all the lovely ladies and men on here that have donated, what a wonderful gift you are giving.  x

We will probably be looking at DE this year, I am 46 and have been TTC for 4 years.  We have an appointment at a Fertility Clinic on Monday to discuss our options.


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## CC_Lee

I have been feeling a bit down recently regarding the whole babies thing so I thought I would share my donation story as it never fails to cheer me up to think about it.

I was in my mid-thirties, and had had a string of relationships with unsuitable men, usually the kind who didn't want to settle down and have children (in retrospect, thank goodness!). Had come out of a four year relationship with a guy who had serious issues and it just felt like I would never be in a position to have my own children. I had had friends who'd had fertility issues and I just felt like I wanted at least some of my eggs to be put to good use before time ran out. So I approached my local clinic who did a good job of trying to put me off (single, never had children, never even been pregnant) but I persisted and they took me on. Initially my AMH came back very low, but I had just come off the pill and they told me to give it a couple of months to wash out of my system and then have another test to see if I could go ahead. 

And then miracle of miracles I met my amazing wonderful husband who is the centre of my universe. We got serious quite quickly and it became apparent that we both wanted to get married and have kids together, and we talked about the donation thing and decided to go ahead. At the time we were living 500 miles apart and it wasn't quite the "right time" career-wise for us to have kids, and it all seemed to make sense to continue with it.

My subsequent AMH came back good enough to continue. I didn't really have a clue about the minefield of protocols, monitoring, how it was a lottery as to how the ovaries responded. The clinic was just a local clinic that did NHS and private, and they told me that as an "altruistic" donor my eggs would go to 2 ladies who had been waiting on the NHS for eggs, and that the ladies only had one shot on the NHS. I knew chances were slim of success and I kept telling myself that it was all about giving someone a chance, and even if it was unsuccessful it was still worth doing. I responded really well on a long protocol and had 13 eggs out of 14 follicles for donation. And then I put it out of my mind and my husband and I started trying ourselves.

A year or so later, after the most hideous nightshift at work, I arrived home to a big envelope from the fertility clinic. Inside was a letter and card from one of the recipient couples, who had had twins, a boy and a girl! They told me that the babies were such happy babies with beautiful smiles, and that they were adored by all the family including uncles and aunts and grandparents. It was the most wonderful wonderful thing in the world and both my husband and I were in floods of tears with joy. Later on, I also found out that the other recipient had a baby, but I haven't heard any more than that from her.

We have since been diagnosed with male factor problems and my AMH is now apparently really quite low (although I'm pretty skeptical about how useful AMH is...). We have been trying for over 2 years and have now had our first round of ICSI which resulted in a biochemical pregnancy. The counsellor who I saw for the donation asked me how I would feel if it turned out I couldn't later have my own children. I don't think I really had a clue at the time, but I can say now that even if I never have my own kids, I will still always be glad I donated. Even more so now that I understand the anguish of infertility myself. In a way I'm glad I had no idea when I donated how immensely stressful the whole thing is for anyone, let alone if you only have one shot on the NHS and that's it. But it also makes me so happy now going through it that I've enabled someone else to have a family. (That letter and card, by the way, are some of my most precious possessions.)


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## ceci.bee

CC thanks so much for sharing your story and your generosity, it is lovely to hear from you and good luck with your tx. I am so sorry about your MC and wish you every bit of luck for your next cycle.

lots of love
Ceci


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## Jz5000

CC I just had to say, thank you for sharing your story. I will be doing DE IVF this march and wow what a journey my husband and I have been on the last four years. Prior to my fertility issues I never thought I would be where I am today. I always assumed I could have kids when I was ready for them with no problems. Wow, was I misinformed...
So far my questions for her are the usual. I do think about her all the time though. I also think  about how her personality is in person.. I guess I daydream about that a little.
Take care all!


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## scribbles

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind but I've just donated nine eggs as part of an egg sharing cycle and wanted to give my two cents.

I feel like I've had all my christmases and birthdays have come at once! I got my long wanted BFP and I got to donate 9 eggs!  I feel so massively privileged to have the means to help three families achieve their miracle.  I imagine my frozen eggs preening themselves ready for their new mums and dads, jumping up and down singing 'pick me!!'.  I know my eggs are going to grow into loved, cared for and incredible people because I know that their families are already imagining what amazing things they are going to do as a happy, loving family.

On my goodwill message, I apologised for their height because I'm from a family of pit pony shaped dwarfs!!  I told them about my heritage and told them about my parents, my brother and his family.  I told them why I donated my eggs, my beliefs, studies, hobbies, talents (that only took a couple of words!) and ambitions.  I told them why I had donated my eggs and that if they wanted to ask more questions then I would be very happy to meet them, but I also respected their decision if they didn't want to and that the door will always be open for them.

I found it easier to plan my goodwill message on paper first, read it through several times and put the final edited version on the form.  I still cried my eyes out writing it on the form but felt more sure of what I was writing.


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## lara croft

"On my goodwill message, I apologized for their height because I'm from a family of pit pony shaped dwarfs."
No need to apologize for that. I am looking for exactly that kind of donor. ;-) I am small, my husband is rather tall. I am rather concerned to use a donor who is on the tall side as well. The baby might be too big for me. I rather enjoy being small anywayl You just need a husband who reaches the top shelf in the supermarket for you.


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