# A difficult one.....



## Luisa8 (Apr 20, 2007)

Hi all,
I currently live in Spain. Adopting in Spain is much more difficult and an 8 year waiting list so I am wondering if there would be the possibility of me adopting through the UK. I realise this would mean me moving back there for a while - which again I would consider- but I'm wondering if anyone could advise on waiting lists and for how long after the child is placed in your home would the checks continue? Long term I would want to eventually move back to Spain. I suppose what I'm asking is to have an idea of exactly how long I would need to move back for.
This is quite a new idea that I've only just started considering and I'm not even sure DH will agree (he is Spanish by the way so don't know if that would complicate things) but after 10 years of failed IVF treatments I'm starting to think what's 2 or even 3 years of more disruption in my life to be finally blessed with a child.
Another point that may work against me is I wouldn't have a home in the UK. I have my parents home as a base but it isn't mine as such so again, would this be a massive problem?
We own our own home in Spain.
Thanks so much for any help anyone familiar with the adoption process can offer.
xxxxx
P.S Parents home is in Cheshire/North West


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi Luisa

I believe you have to have lived in UK for at least a year and have a fixed permanent home (but don't have to own it) before you can apply to adopt. I don't know how rigid this rule is. 

As for afterwards, it's probably more to do with how the child is and how they would react to moving house. You may have to wait a year or so for them to feel comfortable enough to be able to move house, it could really upset things. But it depends on the child. 
You can apply for adoption order after about 3 months following placement and I guess that can take a few weeks / months. Then once the order is granted the social services input is up to you so you can be left alone with your family. 

It's hard to say how long the process takes, it's supposed to be about 6 months to get approved but it took us a year and we were very straightforward. Then the waiting for a link can take any amount of time. I think the average was quoted somewhere as 6 months but that might be different now. 

Is there a way you can adopt from abroad but whilst you are in Spain? Sorry to hear how difficult it is there it's such a shame. 

Good luck
GG xxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

P.S. Luisa, most agencies / authorities will make you wait at least 6 months after you had last fertility treatment before you can start the adoption process. Other than that there's no waiting list as such.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Hi Louisa and welcome.

We were approved 2 years ago now and the system has changed considerably since then so I don't feel I can offer advice on timescales to approval, how they would feel about not having permenantly residency etc but regarding moving that is a tricky one and would clearly differ from child to child. I can only speak of our experience but our wee man was 8 months when he came home nearly 18 months ago. He settled remarkably well but honestly, there is no way we could consider moving. Prior to placement we had planned to move by now and when he first came home  thought he would be fine a year or so down he line but he simply wouldn't be. 18 months on he is still affected by simply changes such as changes to wall paper, curtains. If we are out fr a long time he asks if he can o ome now and when we pull up to the drive he says "yeh we home". He struggles if someone comes to stay and we haven't even considered staying at someone else's house as I know he simply wouldn't cope. Waking up anywhere else but his cot really unsettles him and it is pityful to see, saying that we went away on holiday for the weekend in September and that was the best he has ever been away from home so I think he is finally getting better. 

Our wee man isn't an insecure little one but changes to his home - which he clearly associates with feeling safe - totally throw him. I believe they bring back old memories and that is when his insecurities manifest. 

Good luck . Flash


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Hi
we were approved this year and thinking back to our assessment, a lot of it was based around our home (safety checks, what LO's bedroom would be like, the garden / play space etc..) and we also had to do lots of research in our local area, the playgroups we would take LO to, local schools / nurseries and so on…basically a lot of our panel questions were based on our lifestyle, support network, family and friends living close by, what we would do in the local area as a family.
I think you might struggle with some sections of the assessment, based on the facts that you do not have a permanent home address in the UK. However, that doesn't mean its impossible. If your parents are in Cheshire it might be worth contacting the LA in that area, I think North West have a consortium (Cheshire, Manchester, Liverpool) to ask a few questions and to request an info pack. 
good luck x


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## Luisa8 (Apr 20, 2007)

Thank you all for your replies....I think you are all confirming what I suspected would probably be the case and that the circumstances would be against me. 

I must admit I hadn't even realised how unsettling it might be from the childs point of view. 

I will contact the local authorities yes but I think it might be back to the drawing board with this idea.... 

We weren't approved in Spain because of economic reasons. It's very different there and you have to be earning a LOT and have a lot saved in the bank too and ironically, due to the ivf treatments over the last 10 years, we don't and were turned down for that reason. There's also an 8 year waiting list to adopt nationally in Spain... 
Thanks again Ladies
xxxxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

I hope things work out for you Luisa
Good luck xxx


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## Millie Moo (May 20, 2012)

Sadly, it seems to be a problem in a lot of Catholic countries. Ireland and France have the same problem, the state believes in keeping families together at all costs and adoption can only be granted with the parents authority.  Several members of my family have adopted in Ireland and it has been an extremely long and expensive process.  For one, it took 3 years just to be assigned a social worker. Recently they tried to change the law so that only people under the age of 43 could adopt. They can no longer adopt from Vietnam or Russia so a lot are going via Bulgaria or America.  The cost for America is around £50k, Bulgaria £20k.  I wouldn't be able to adopt in Ireland as I am not married....... yes, in 2014!!!  I'm guessing that it is a very similar scenario in Spain.

Anyhow, if you really want a child, I think in the long run moving back to England is your only real option.  You could rent instead of buying but if you look at the timescales, even if you took 4 years, it would still be half the time of Spain.  It would well be worth your while getting further information regarding how long you need to be resident here and if it is a viable option for you and your husband.  If you have family here, then you will already have some support and you would have to build up your support network.  I wouldn't necessarily tell an agency that you planned to return to Spain but if that was your plan, you would need to check what support and services you would get in Spain.  Also, consider what age child/children you would want as that could effect how long it takes to have children placed with you.

Lots to consider and it might seem drastic to many, but if you really want a family, then it could work out.  People I know who adopted in France and Ireland think I am lying when I say from the day we first contacted our local authority to the day the kids moved in was 18 months.


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

My husband and I were living with my parents when we adopted so it's definitely not ruled out. We had our own space within the house as well as sharing certain rooms. I think it's definitely worth you talking to LA's and agencys to see what there thoughts are on it. Good luck


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Hiya, we adopted 2yrs ago, like Flash. Everyone else has already said lots of helpful things. Depending on the LA they will often state that you can't move for 1yr/ 2yrs but once the AO is granted they can't dictate to you. However, as Flash pointed out, it really depends on the child. We have family all over the country so fostered a special teddy bear and a special blanket on our LO, as well as putting him to sleep in a travel cot often at home so he would be comfortable sleeping wherever we went. This worked really well, especially as he didn't sleep through the night until the last couple of months anyhow! We moved back in January, although this was within the same town and to be closer to friends, a big park and our church so it was all familiar to him. He managed really well and seemed to take it in his stride he'd been home about 14mths at this point. However, for him the big trauma was when I stopped working for the summer (I teach) and he stopped going to nursery 4days a week and we had massive regression, violence and utter hysterics on a daily basic as he couldn't cope with the change. 
Each child is different so you really have to think it through. Also, one of the questions we were asked during the homestudy (visits from SW) was 'Are you planning on moving any time soon?' we said no. After LO came home we had issues with the neighbours as one side were cross that he frequently yelled for upto 2hrs at a time throughout the night and the other side were dealing with the lost of their full term still born son, just before we got our LO and didn't talk to us at all once he arrived.


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