# friend!?



## Abeauty (Aug 16, 2011)

God, just need to let steam out. 

I met a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while. She told me her good news, which totally shocked me, and I'll tell you why. 

She was always saying she didn't want to have kids, it wasn't her thing. She has never been in a serious relationship either. She met a guy before Christmas last year and they both went to Australia for three months. So, they came back last week not only married but also pregnant! I would really try to be happy for her, but the way she was so heartless and cruel with me talking about her pregnancy, absolutely shocked me. 
Knowing our fertility problem she kept saying how wonderful being pregnant felt and how It made her life a meaningful one! She kept rubbing her pregnancy into my face and saying that she felt really sorry for us, saying our family can not be a proper family without kids.  I was like WTF? Seriously, I couldn't believe she was like that. Why? 
She also said that it could be us not being pure inside, and that's what is stopping us from getting a baby. She had this smile on her face, I will never forget. 
Please, help me to understand it? Does she hate me? How can anybody be so nasty to their friends. I am so sorry I opened up for her, telling her all about out painful TTC struggle.  

God help us all.


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## barbster (Jan 26, 2012)

Hi Abeauty,

Sounds like your friend is not a particularly good one   Maybe you could talk to other friends in future who would be more understanding?

The IVF journey certainly sorts out the good from the bad in terms of friendship and support.

Good luck with your treatment.

B X


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Abeauty,

I think you are right to be furious and I would be to.

When I TTC for 4 years, of course I expected close friends, family around me to get/be pregnant, but all I asked is that people respected my circumstance's and struggles and to treat me just a little bit more delicately then others.

OK, she could have told you the news and that could have been the end of it.  However to then go on and on about it and to imply that you are having problems because you are not pure inside.  Well, I don't know how you held your tongue.

I personally would either send her an email telling her how out of order she was or cut the friendship completely.  A true friend would never treat you like that.



X


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## Abeauty (Aug 16, 2011)

Thanks guys, thanks a lot for you support. Maybe I will send her an e-mail. I just need to calm down first, don't want to do anything while I am like this


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## utb (Feb 2, 2010)

Have you tried talking to your friend last year I had a MC anyway my friend came round for a cuppa and said she had some news for me I said I needed to talk to her too as I didnt like keeping things from given she knew our circumstances so I told her to go first and she told me she was pregnant with her fourth child, she obviously really giddy asked me what my news was and said I hope your pregnant I obvioulsy then had to tell her what had happened.  A week later she came over for dinner with a couple of my other friends and she kept going on about was how her jeans were too tight already and that she better not put loads of weight on a generally moaning about being pregnant it got to the point where I had my head on the dining room table in complete dispair and disbelief this was supposed to be my best friend who knew everything about me and she just didnt care.  Anyway a week later I was still feeling extremely hurt so had to tell her she was mortified and apologised for what she had done, since then she has been much more sympathetic if the friend you have is a close one that my advice would be to speak to her better out than in as they say you dont want it to fester I felt so much better getting it off my chest as it really angered me and I wanted to get that anger out if that made sense.  If your friend takes offence and cant take on board what you have to say then I guess you have to cut your losses but at least you will have voiced your hurt and you will feel much better for it.  Maybe write her an email but save it in drafts that way when you have calmed down you can re look at it and tweek it if necessary.

Sorry for jumping on your thread but just wanted to give you my story, IF shows you who your true friends are when the chips are down or the going gets tough you need to surround yourself with understanding, compasionate and loving people.

x x x x


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## Abeauty (Aug 16, 2011)

Thank you for your story utb. it makes me feel better knowing others had similar experiences. She is not a very good friend of mine, we used to work together. Right now all I want is never see her again. 
I believe she meant to hurt me. I know how it sounds, but only if you were there. I wish i recorded it. I do not understand why, maybe i will ask her some day, I don't know. Maybe it's just me being angry and bitter at her happiness, who knows?


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## utb (Feb 2, 2010)

If she meant to hurt you then she should be ashamed of herself what kind of person would do that I am also always suspicious of people who coo about how fantasic their life is etc.

She probably isnt worth the time it takes to draft an email your better of without people like that in your life love and positivity is whats needed she was never really a true friend if thats how she treats people we have all had them we feeling hurt but it will pass what goes around comes around her day will come.

x x x x


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## Carrots12 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Abeauty

I don't mean to sound harsh but your friend sounds like an utter  !!  I understand that she needed to tell you about her pregnancy but to keep talking about it and to say you aren't pure is awful!  And its even worse that she had a smile on her face when she said it.  Don't blame yourself, its nothing you have done, it just sounds as though she isn't a very nice person at all.  

  

xxx


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## Abeauty (Aug 16, 2011)

Thanks girls. I know my post is quite harsh, but I just wanted to say it how it was. I wish I asked her why she thought we were not pure enough. She is into spiritual stuff, like healing and energy. Maybe she meant well, it just came out wrong!


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## CGSM74 (Feb 7, 2013)

Life is too short to waste on people who make you feel like this. I would not call them 'friends' as a friend would never ever treat you like this !

It's shocking and to be honest I would just get it off my chest and close the book. Use your precious time and energy on positive things which will build you up and support you ... No matter what you are going though in life.

You don't have to waste time and effort in trying to make this person understand you or what you are going through. She doesn't deserve the time or effort !!

I feel so cross on you behalf !! I could almost do the email for you !! Ha ha ha ... I am kidding ! But it made me very angry !

Onwards and upwards to better things and nicer people.


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## Abeauty (Aug 16, 2011)

Thank you guys. 

I actually feel so much better talking to you. I don't even feel that bad anymore. I'm going through lots at the moment and very very hormonal. I hope she didn't mean to be so bad to me, it's just her maybe not being able to understand my situation and me being too sensitive and hormonal. 

Thanks again for all your support. I will now try to forget all about it and maybe in time when I look back, I just feel silly for reacting like that. 

Best of luck to all of you, your are amazing!


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## Kitty71 (Apr 14, 2010)

Glad you feel a bit better now.

I wouldn't bother with her again. And if she is horried to your face she may be even worse if she replies to an email. Just take heart that you are the nicer kinder person


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## jaykay76 (Jan 4, 2013)

Hi Abeauty,

I'm sorry to read that you have had to deal with such an insensitive 'friend', I don't think you have over reacted at all. I've found that a lot of people have very little empathy with my situation, if you can't think of anything supportive to say, please don't bother saying anything!! Nobody would dream of saying to someone with cancer that it was somehow their fault, or start boasting about how healthy they are.

I  hope you have got friends around you who are supportive, and you can focus on these friendships. True friends will understand your feelings. There is lots of support on this site as well,

  xx


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## Smithy2 (Jan 5, 2013)

Hi,

I was just reading through this thread and I agree with all of the comments made by others. I was in a similar situation with one of my friends.

She made in perfectly clear to everyone that she did not want children, when she knew that we were trying she couldn't seem to grasp why we wanted children. She was in a long term relationship and her partner wanted children, and she told him that she wouldn't even consider it until he married her. I asked her what she would do if he proposed and she told me "well, I'd consider thinking about it!" She was always coming out with comments like "what would I do with a baby??"

Anyway, she did get married and about three months later she informed me that she was pregnant, she told me that it was planned & she'd got pregnant on the honeymoon saying "well I though I'm going to end up doing it sooner or later so I thought I might as well just get on with it!!"

She then went on to tell me that she thinks it was all the sex that did it, as if it was a tip for me to have more sex with my husband, as obviously that's where the problem was!!

Now I see her endless comments on ******** about how she thinks motherhood is timeless, and talking about all her Little triumphs, she even put on there the other day that her child had it's first wee wee in a potty!!!

I just wanted to say I know how you feel, people can be insensitive sometimes, and if they cannot be there for you when you need them then they are not good friends.

You will always get support here though, no-one understands quite like the FF ladies and gents!

Take care xx


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