# ANOTHER MIRACLE cycle buddies no. 3



## suzy

Hi everyone,

New start, we were getting a bit choked at the end of that thread.


PREGNANT

Succotash IVF EDD - 

Bev FET EDD - 

Dee - natural conception - EDD - 

Karen - IVF - EDD - 

Clare_S - natural conception - EDD - 13/7/06  

CYCLING

Shazzy - 2WW FET Test date - 9/12/ 05 

Emma73 - EC 5/12/05 - 


SOON TO BE CYCLING

CJ - d/r 18/12/05 - 
Suzy - blood test 16/12/05 and d/r 17/12/05 - up until then -    (Just kidding!)


IN BETWEENIES

Hun
Sunfish
Ali
Rowingbeau
Scruffyted
Spangle
Dixie
Moon
Sher
Tracey_72


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Think I've frightened everyone away by making a new thread  

Just wanted to wish Shazzy all the best for her testing on Friday. I'm sorry you are having a rough time - sounds like the last thing you need in the 2ww.

Emma73 - how you feeling. Your post made me laugh - just the way it was written after your anaesthetic. Congratulations on your EC. How many did you get?? Hopefully you'll get some frosties out of it.

Hun - good luck for your appointments this week.

CJ - how are you feeling about your cycle? Looks like we'll be neck and neck.



Well, my brother and his family are coming out from England on Friday and we are spending the weekend in a beautiful place called Jervis Bay, about three hours drive from Sydney, in a house by the water. The weather is looking like it'll be a balmy 30 degrees so should be set for a lovely time having BBQs, swimming and walking our remaining dog. I'm really looking forward to them arriving as I haven't yet seen their son who is 2


By for now,


Suzy


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## Bev xxx

Hiya everyone

just a quickie the clinic confirmed on Monday that yes I am Pregnant!!!  I am due to have a scan on the 28/12 so I hope this will be a really nice xmas pressie,  I am keeping my fingers crossed for everything to go ok as I feel that I have been very lucky so far.

Hope everyone else is ok.  suzy really sorry to hear about your Dog!  Its really crappy at this time of year.  we lost doggie a few years ago just before xmas but he was a good old age of 15.

Bye 

Bev
xxx


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## Hun

Hi All,

Thanks for the new thread and list Suzy. A couple of points for your list, just off the top of my head- Dee is pregnant - natural conception. Also need to add Karen to pregnant list (not sure of EDD but similar to Succotash). Moon and Sher might also be inbetweenies. 

Shazzy wishing you all the luck in the world for friday.

Emma - hope ET is soon/happened and your 2ww shoots by in a whirl of knickerchecking mincepie eating madness, and end swith a BFP!!!

Suzy - Great photos. You are truly blessed with you wonderful son and DH, and being able to live in such a wonderful country. Tessa was beautiful. Hoping 2006 is YOUR year!

We took henry to meet santa and some 'lovely donkeys' (anyone else watch tots tv  ) on Sunday at a big farm near where we live. He was terrified!!! On monday we did his first proper artwork on some canvases to give to our poor unsuspecting families for christmas (pics in my gallery). I am enjoying throwing myself into all of this right now, making our home beautiful, and enjoying some quality time  with DH. I will think about tx again when the time feels right (i am sure the january blues might have something to do with it!!!), but on the whole my GP yesterday thinks that given our circumstances and balancing that with the risks involved, life and ttc should not go on hold for 6 months. We will also talk to our consultant tommorow.

Right sorry for rambling
love to all
Hun xx


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## Hun

Our posts crossed bev!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
Hun xx


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## suzy

Thank for that Hun - how stupid am I? 

Congratulations Bev - wonderful news. Where are you from in Lancashire? I'm originally from Preston.

Glad you're feeling a bit better Hun.

Its 9.30pm and 30 degrees INSIDE tonight - aaagggghhh!!


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## shazzy

Hi girls

The waiting got too much and i tested last night -   .

I used a first response HPT so it is pretty accurate although i have tested early.  Today i can feel AF coming and i feel really sad and weepy.  I didn't think i'd feel like this and i feel really ungrateful after being blessed with my beautiful son.  Don't really know were i go from here.

Shazzy
x


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## Hun

Hi Shazzy,

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I tested early too but knew deep down that it was probably a neg for me this time. I know how you are feeling too, I went into my cycle very buoyant, feeling "well if it works it works and if it doesn't I am still lucky," but by the time I tested the more desperation and hope than was there the first time had kicked in, and my negative hit me much harder than I'd expected.

So hoping the result is one of those miracles that change on the proper test day.....but if not please know you have all our support.

Sending huge hugs  

Hun xx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Bev - Wow -Great news     so pleased for you, what a wonderful early Christmas present. Congratulations.  Heres to a happy and healthy 9months for you.

Suzy - Thank you for doing a new list, although I.m sure I'll forget all the names! Had a look at your photos, you look beautiful on your wedding day, I thought you'd be blonde, isn't it funny how we get a picture of how someone looks before we see them! Your DS looks beautiful, what a handsome chap.  Lovely photos of you dog, she looks like she had a wonderful life.  I want to move to Oz now!!   looks wonderful!  And as for that heat, yes please!! Chilly here today, although very seasonal!  Hope you have a wonderful weekend with your brother. Are they staying for Christmas?

Hun- Hope tomorrows appointment goes okay at BH, let us know what they say.  Sounds like you are having a great time with DS, we made Christmas cards yesterday, I think we have more glitter on our floor then the cards!   What did your GP say about your smear results?  

Shazzy - I'm so sorry that it may be a bfn - big hugs to you. I really hope the test is wrong and you get a BFP on your official test day. You are not ungrateful to want another one, if we didn't have to have tx we wouldn't even be thinking like that.  

Finding Christmas hard this year, I'm trying so hard but I so thought I would be pregnant by this Christmas, what a rotten year this has been  
On a nicer note, we have just booked to go to Santa land in Earls Court, should be good, DS will love it as being 3 and half he is soooo into Christmas this year and understands all about it, he is keeping me going, thank god for him xx - nativity Friday, we have been practising his words as he is a shepard! Can't believe this time next year he will have been at big school for 3 months  - to young, don't want him to go!

Love to all
Scruffyted xxxx


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## shazzy

Hi girls

Well thats it all over for me - AF arrived  today.

Didn't expect to feel like this but i am gutted and really teary. 

Trying to be grateful for DS and thinking how much worse it would be not to have him.

Will need to refer to private clinic for further treatment although we only have a tiny sperm sample left now.

Can anyone advise me what kind of cost they have faced for ICSI?

Good luck to everyone else.

Shazzy
x


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## Hun

Hi Shazzy

Really sorry to hear that this wasn't the one.  

In answer to you question a full cycle of ICSI at our clinic with all the extras, but excluding drugs and blastocyst culture is £3900.  

Hun xx


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## CJ

Hi Shazzy, so sorry to read af is here, silly  .
I hope you can get going with the next treatment soon, my ICSI cost 4600, just for ICSI and Drugs, and they gave me a free pee stick (how generous)
I hope you have a fab Xmas with your DS, I know this outcome would be worse without him but your entitled to feel gutted, and very upset about this time not working  


Hi Bev  on getting the official positive 

Hi Scruffyted, Santa land sounds fun, hope you all have a great time.
Ahh how sweet, your DS is a Shepard, bless. When I was training as a Nanny as part of the course I had to work in a few primary schools, and I went to my Local one and worked in the run up to Xmas, they did the church mouse (not traditional I know) I cried buckets they we all so cute, reading all their parts, some were so young but they did so well.
Enjoy yourself 

Hi Suzy I'm feeling o.k about this cycle as I have got it in my head I'm not making it to ET (with just the 2) but I'm o.k with that at the mo because I don't want to get my hopes up and have nothing to put back. So I'm being quite relaxed about it, early days though, I don't even have my drugs yet (was getting them this week but thats changed).
If I get to ET and have something to put back then I will feel like we have a chance and I know I will be trying to think it hasn't worked but I'll have my hopes up really high. I do every month now , even though we have not chance of it happening naturally...just can't help it.
How are you feeling? I'm so thick I was reading your post thinking "god your mad, a BBQ this weather"  then I re-read it properly 

Hi Hun hope appt goes well today , yes I watch tots t.v "are friend donkey" it's amazing, I used to sing songs, real chart ones, but now it's all tweenies and boogie beebies 

Right off to toddlers, having Xmas party next week so I'll come back with a long list of things to buy for it know doubt.


Love CJ x


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## shazzy

Hi Girls

Thanks for the support.  Treatment seems to vary so much from clinic to clinic.  I was so lucky to have a free NHS go resulting in DS.

DH and i spoke last night about whether to try again or not and how to deal with the disappointment.  I feel if we don't at least try and use up what little sperm we have left we will always wonder "what if". 

This time last week i was so sure if i got BFN then i'd just content myself with DS but i just feel like something is missing - and i feel such an ungrateful moo moo for thinking that.  Goodness only knows what any of the girls reading this who've had severel failed attemps and no BFP's at all will be thinking.  I used to say "if only we could have one baby" and now here i am 2 years later saying "if only we could have 2 babies" and i feel so guilty.

Girls - what are blastocysts??

Sorry for the me post and good luck to everyone, think we need a wee sprinkle of baby dust around here. 

Shazzy
x


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Shazzy so sorry to here about your bfn. Its such a bum business isn't it? Lots of effort for nil return. Sounds like you aren't ready to give up yet, and I"m glad about that.

Blastocysts are embryos that have grown for 5 or 6 days, by which time they are 100+ cells big. They need to be changed to  a special culture medium to be able to keep growing. The theory is that the stronger embryos will make it to blast stage, the weaker ones stop growing. If you transfer blasts, they have more of a chance of making it. The risk is that you run out of embryos, and the arguement against them is that embryos grow better in your body and not in a dish. 

CJ - God I would be mad having a BBQ in the snow . I'm glad you are feeling relaxed about your cycle. Its a FET then I presume. I'm not feeling very positive about my cycle, but I haven't really been worried about it. My brother coming tomorrow has really cheered me up, adn I've been at work all day which has taken my mind off our dog.

Scruffyted - your ds sounds so cute. I can really sympathize with you not wanting him to go to big school.

Emma - where are you??

Its a lot cooler today - down to 29 - much better. Honestly you might be envious, but 40 degrees is no joke - its literally yukky - ds won't sleep, I'm sticky, sweaty, dripping,  bad tempered and  yesterday I had a stink of a headache and nausea. 

Off to bed now,

Love,

Suzy


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## emma73

Hello - just a quikie from me - Luke is ill. His temp is 38.3 so am worried and the timing isnt great as I had my ET today. I ended up with 3 grade 2 embryos - today was day  3 and I had a 7 cell a 5 cell and a lazy 2 cell. The 7 cell only was put back. With any lukc the other one can be frozen - will fiond out tomorrow.

I had hoped to put my feet up for a few days and relax but as it is Im clearing up sick and srtessing about Luke - I can forget how vulnerable he is - but this is a good reminder!  Have to test a week on monday - th 19th?? I saw my embie today - I didnt see them last time - it looked lovely - and I felt very maternal about it. Silly really. I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up - and have almost the same plans as Suzy for what to do if it dosent work - i.e get fit, get slim, go on holiday etc. Suzy - your dog is beautiful - brought tears to my eyes when  I saw her. may she rest in peace. xxx


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## Clare_S

Just a quickie I will do more personals later

Shazzy - many hugs.  Our ICSI cycle was 2452 + drugs and the total bill was 2911.  We self funded at an NHS clinic which is quite a bit cheaper.

Emma - good luck for the 2WW

Hun - good luck for the consultant visit.

I am off to look at Suzy's photos

Clare


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## spangle

Hi,
 Just spent ages typing a message and lost it !
So sorry shazzy, It feels pretty naff and I always wonder why me? What have I done to deserve this.
Cj hope you get on alright.
Emma 73 good luck on your 2ww.
Hun, will be interested to hear what your consultant has to say about your next treatment. I have been told to go for day 3 as we know it can work. I am hoping af comes and can down reg in january. Life seems very unfair at times.
Scruffyted -For me another Christmas and still not another baby on the way, maybe next year. Here's to a successful 2006.Hope nativity was good. DD was great , she is poorly now though, was poorly night before performance but ok in morning. 24 hours later she was sick again, now just has a cough and cold, is tearful and has gone for a sleep even though she stopped those a long time ago. I am injoying lots of cuddles and watching Polar express-have you seen it ? It is really christmassy, got the dvd from whsmith. She also likes Charlie and the chocolate factory. Oh the treats we have when we are poorly.
We had our support group Christmas do it was fab, haven't laughed so much in ages. We even requested a song- Relax by frankie goes to Hollywood ! I am focussing  hope that dh pill popping might help. he has been taking it for a few months now, it made a difference last time and then he kept forgetting to take it.My friend has been able to do half icsi and ivf, best results were ivf. Lycopene is found in tomatoes. The lycopene has l'carnitine in and other things that are good for swimmers.
take care,
love
Spangle


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## sunfish

Hi All

Could you add me to the list, inbetweeners is probably the best place for me. I was told to wait a year before trying to conceive again because of my c-section.

I've no idea what my cycle is as its yet to return...I thought it had arrived the other week but it disappeared again. We're going to see what happens...may have an idea once I stop bf.

lots of   to you all

love

Camilla


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

It's quite on here!! All getting ready for Christmas I guess.

Spangle -DS was wonderful in his nativity, I cried!! Knew I would, we've got a dvd of it and I watched it and cried again!! He is coming home with loads of Christmas things he has made, he is growing up too quickly!!   Glad DD nativity went well.  Hope she is better now. Haven't seen polar express yet - will defiantly get that one then.  

Emma - How's the 2ww going? Not too stressful I hope - fingers crossed for a BFP

Hun - How did your consultancy go at BH?  

Camilla - hi and welcome, your photo of your dd is gorgeous! My af didn't go back to normal until I reduced bf.

Shazzy - Don't know exact amount for our ICSI yet as all changed since last go but looking at few thousend I'm afraid!! Don't feel guilty for wanting another baby, this is what this thread is for - we all so would love another baby - here's to 2006 and lots of BFP's!!

Suzy - Hope you had a lovely weekend with your brother and family.

We went to see Harry Potter the other night, first time we have been to pictures for ages - it was a very good film.  Can't believe Christmas is less than two weeks away - must get cracking!

Hello to everyone else
Love Scruffyted xxxx


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## Bev xxx

Hiya everyone,

Hope you are all ok?

I have not been on for a few days as have been busy with xmas parties and shopping.  Trying to hide you are pregnant from your closest friends is really hard.  I tried not to drink on my xmas do and not to make a big think about it but they guessed it straight away,  I think the fact that my belly has exploded gave it away.

Suzy I am from just outside Chorley so not far from Preston.  Infact I am under Preston Hosp for the Baby,  as I am to complicated for Chorley Hosp.  Where do live now?

Emma hope you are ok on 2ww?

Hun how did you get on at your meeting?

Camilla welcome your little one is beautiful!!

Hope everyone else is ok and looking for to santa??

Love

Bev
xxx


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## suzy

Hiya girls,

My goodness it has been quiet - I expected to have a bit of catching up to do, but there have only been a few mails since I went away.

Bev - my family are in Penwortham, but my brother is in Heapey - might be near you, its a suburb of Chorley I think. I live in Australia and have done for years, but I was born and bought up in Preston.

Sunfish - I remember you from last year. Welcome.  I have added you to the inbetweenies (by the way, are you sure you aren't pg??)

Spangle - hi, how are you? You sounded a bit more positive than before.

We've just got back from our trip away. We had a lovely house on the bay and had a very relaxed time, which unfortunately involved drinking and eating too much.  My nephew was sick as well as being jetlagged and started antibiotics today for a nasty ear infection, poor little thing. He kept us all up last night, so am looking forward to a good nights sleep tonight.

Suzy


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## emma73

hi- Luke and I ARE atill till - its rubish. its been the worst week I have ever had with him - he has truned into MR whinge - but bless him he rerally hasnt been too well at all. 

SO - i am wondering when I can test. This is driving me NUTS. I have convinced myself that I am not perggers - call it gut feeling?? I think as I have been preggers before I would be able to recognise it?? I am due to test on Monday - but so want to do it now.

God I hate this 2ww! I had forgotten.

Love to all - sorry for being the crappest poster ever!!

Emma xxx


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## Succotash

This is a terribly sad post for me to write and explains my recent absence.

At the start of last week, at 10 weeks, I suddenly realised that I hadn't retched, felt nauseous or reacted adversely to smells for quite a while.  I thought it was a bit odd and just assumed that my body was adjusting to all the hormones.  But it really nagged at me and I was having the most horrendous dreams and night sweats.  Then last Wednesday I had some spotting, just a small amount.  I looked at it and thought that it looked odd, yet familiar.  It struck me later that day that I had seen something similar once before, when I went into labour with DS.  I then realised that my boobs were no where near as sore, swollen or tender as they had been.  Then on Friday I woke up with normal boobs and more spotting.  I managed to get an emergency scan at the FMC for late that day.  I rang DH at work and told him to come home and to prepare for some really bad news.  As soon as I saw the screen I knew our baby-to-be had died - no heartbeat and no movement.  I've had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks, just a week after our happy scan.

We are totally devastated and bewildered at our loss.  I had an ERPC yesterday at my local hospital EPU as the doctor said that if things didn't happen naturally within 2 weeks then I'd need an ERPC anyway and I didn't want it all to be happening over Christmas ( we have family staying for 2 weeks).  Physically I'm doing OK with no pain and very little bleeding (I think the arnica's working).  It's just really tough.  But I thank God for DS as he's kept me going over the last few days.  He helps life carry on.  I just so so wish a brother or sister for him.  I don't want him to go through life alone.

The hospital staff were really lovely, compassionate and kind.  I thought I may have a wait for the ERPC and was surprised to be told that I could have it done the next day - the NHS at it's best.  The lovely sister who was looking after me when I was howling in recovery was very supportive and said that if we wanted another child we just had to keep going and that hey, next time it might be twins.  If only, eh.  

I'm totally fuming with my MIL whom I've always found self-centred and completely lacking in empathy.  On Sunday when DH rang to tell them this sad news, she rang back shortly after to announce that she was having an otherwise unplanned family get together next week and which day was best for us Tues or Weds and would I mind going round in the afternoon with DS!?!!!  No acknowledgement of the previous conversation DH had had with her.  PIL have a long history of last minute invitations where their 3 children + partners + children are expected to say yes, no problem.  My parents otoh were all prepared to cancel/change their travel arrangements to see us if we didn't feel up to it and basically want to fit in with what we feel we can cope with.  Then yesterday DH rang MIL to tell her that we could do neither Tues or Weds.  She suggested Thurs instead.  DH said he really didn't think we'd be able to make it with everything that had happened recently.  She had the gall to ask what had happened recently!!  What's wrong with the woman?  DH told her that he had only just picked me up from hospital and she didn't even ask how I was.  DH is livid, livid, livid.

We have a follow-up with our consultant next week which I know may seem a bit hasty but we just want to discuss our options now.  Plus my parents will be here to look after DH for me.  We have 4 frosties, 3x3d and 1xblast, which I don't have much hope for as we transferred 6 frosties last year and the only outcome was a chemical pregnancy.  A PGS cycle is an option for which there is a 3 month wait so we'd need to be put on the list now.  I imagine we'll be told we have to wait 3 months anyway to make sure that everything is OK with me.  In the meantime I shall try to ignore the beating clock.

Sorry it's long and rambling.  It's been quite cathartic.  When does the struggle end?

Hope you're all well though.  I'll probably not be very active on here for a while.

Love, Succotash


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## suzy

Oh Succotash,

I was so upset to read your post.
How absolutely awful for you. Sounds like you've been to hell and back and I can't begin to imagine the pain you are in.
I really really feel for you - its such a cruel business, to have all your hopes slashed - to go from the heights of wonder, to the depths of despair.

I just want to say I'm thinking of you and to acknowledge your distress in this awful time,

Love,

Suzy


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## omnad

Succotash,
I am so sorry, like Suzy I was really upset reading your post.
It is such a difficult time you are going through, such a disappointment.
Your mil sounds like a very selfish woman, how horrible for you to try and cope with this too.
Take some time to recover and look at your options, fet may work, you never know.

love
Sharon


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## spangle

Hi Succotash,

I am so so sorry, the pain is unbearable and there are so many questions, why me? Why did it have to happen? 

A similar thing happened to me 2 christmases ago. Had bfp Christmas eve and we were so happy, our secret all over christmas, told a few as did not drink at parties. Had scan at 8wk there was a sack and no heartbeat, had to wait 2 weeks incase it was delayed growth, then opted to go in for the same as you. We were absolutley devastated as it never even crossed our mind this could happen, infact on the way there we were wondering if it was one or two. I am so sorry life does seem very unfair and it is all the more painful going through the treatment that we are. I know your situation is not quite the same but sending you hugs,
love
spangle


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## scruffyted

My dear Succotash

I am so so very sad and upset to read your post.  You heart must be braking- I really wish I could say something to try and take a little of your hurt and upset away.  You must be feeling so angry, upset, sad... 
my heart goes out to you and your DH, I am crying typing this post - I am so truly sorry and cannot understand why, the same question I am sure you are asking.

I don't think you are being hasty in going for a consultation next week as like you i would have to look forward, I don't know what a PGS cycle is, however please remember FET does and can work, our DS was from FET and I'm sure CJ's twins were FET.  

Life is so bloody cruel- why after everything we have to go through with tx does this happen to such a wonderful lady
I have no words of wisdom or comfort and I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear them right now.
Please take care of yourself and I know Christmas is going to be hard for you all.
Your MIL sounds like a very selfish lady and you don't need that! I know it's hard but try not to let it get to you and ignore her! You,your DH and DS is what is important.
We are all here if you need to chat.  Wish I could do more for you.

Hugs to you   
Much love 
Scruffyted xx


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## Clare_S

Succotash

I am so so so sorry to hear your news (((hugs)))

Be kind to yourself and get lots of loves from DH and DS.  Sod anyone who seems to think this is a nothing

Clare


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## Hun

Succotash

My first log on for a while, and I was so shocked and saddened to hear your news. It really is absolutely heartbreaking to have lost your baby, and I am thinking of you and your family at such a difficult time.

Sending my hugest hugs to you all, and hoping that you can come to terms with your loss, and eventually plan for the future. You sound amazingly strong given what you have just been through. If you want to talk any time, we are here.

So wishing this could have been different. This whole battle against infertility stinks.

Hun xxx


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## helenab

Dear Succotash

I am so sorry to read your news.  The same thing happened to us two years ago at the same stage as you - heartbeat one week and missed m/c two weeks later.  ERPC xmas eve.  You are right to look ahead whilst realising your loss.  I just wanted to send you lots of   and love.  Life is so unfair.

Lots of love
Helena
XX


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## becca

dear Succotash

just wanted to echo what everone elae has said.
im soo sorry  !!

becca xx


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## emma73

Dear Succotash - I am so so sorry to hear your news -sending you lots of cuddles.  

Quick update from me - look like its all over for me - tested this morning and got a BFN. Its been a much harder process that what I anticipated - I knew it would be difficult but its throwing all sort of emotions up about my son Zac, my sister who is pregnant with twins. . . .etc etc, and I cant cope with them.

Any how - there is a chance that it could be too early - offical test in Monday -but I dont know how much of a chance it is. I had a day 3 transfer last Tursday.

Succotash please give yourself and hubby lots of tlc.

Emma x


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## Clare_S

Hi Emma

Just for you these are the accuracy levels of the first response HPT.

52% Accurate 3 days prior to due period date
69% 2 days before
86% 1 day before 
99% on the day

HTH

Clare


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## sunfish

Dear Succotash

Sorry to hear your news.


hugs & love to you

Camilla


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## sunfish

Suzy

I'm not sure if I'm pg, most likely not as I haven't let DH near me too much....so cruel  

I did buy a pg test kit and have hidden it away for when I feel brave enough to test. I thought AF had arrived a few weeks back, but it was only brownish blood and went away within 2 days. I keep having twinges thinking AF is on her way but,when I say to DH he thinks I'm daft!

Isabelle is not well at the moment, on 2 lots of antibiotics for a lower chest infection. We were in A&E last night getting her checked over as she's been unwell since Monday and had been getting worse (we spoke to NHS direct first, then visited our GP - who thought it could be bronciolitis). Had fun and games getting her to stay still on the X-ray plate and we've also learnt not to be so soft when giving medicine...not to take no for an answer!

love & hugs

Camilla


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## CJ

Hi Succotash, I'm so so sorry this has happened   

As Scruffyted says my twin boys are from frosties, and they were fragmented and lost a cell each, so it can happen, I know thats not much comfort now but hoping it will be for when your ready to go again 

Love CJ x


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Just a quickie on me.

Went to the clinic yesterday and had a blood test to check ovulation. 

All was OK and have now started d/r on synarel. Off we go again......

Next appointment is 3/1/06 and will prob start stims then.

Suzy


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## Hun

Just a quickie from me.
Had too much mulled wine   Hic! My tolerance is 0 these days!!!!

Suzy - on the rollercoaster again! GOOD LUCK - may this be the one for you!

Emma - any news over the weekend? Have you tested again sweetie? Sending hugest hugs whatever the outcome your way.

Sunfish - I'd do a test!!!! You never know and there are too many christmas festivities to be had, without holding back thinking you might be preggers.....perhaps you need to rule it out? Hope isabelle is getting better.

Hun xxx


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## Clare_S

Sunfish - I am with Hun on this one.  You never know !


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## sunfish

I tested and I'm not....still nevermind....I have one peestick carefully hidden away for next time  

Isabelle's on the mend, playing with her toys rather than looking listless and poorly. I even got her to eat a spoonful of chicken stew tonight and a spoonful of yoghurt, a nibble on a tinsy bit of toast and quite a few florets of brocolli   . I just need to get her bedtime back in order...everytime I go to put her in the cot she cries  , took till 9.15pm tonight. I think things may improve once her appetite is back, I don't think bm is quite enough for an 11 month old.

Anyway on the +ve side I can have a few bevvies over Christmas and New Year  

love & hugs

Camilla

PS I didn't tell DH I was testing...I'm such a sneak


----------



## Clare_S

Sorry to hear it was a neg.  At least you know and can have guilt free bevvies over Xmas

Clare


----------



## suzy

Camilla, I'm sorry too. Really thought that it might be a bfp for you with that storey.

Emma - I'm still gunning for you and won't give up till your official test day. Do you have any frosties?
I've heard heaps of stories about women who are really sick or stressed in their 2ww and get a bfp.

Succotash - how you doing?

Hun - Glad you're back on wine - so good for you - lost of anti-oxidants  

I'm having a hard time remembering to do the nose spray. I forgot how much it makes you sneeze. I've been taking my other dog for a walk each morning and am making some sort of an effort to be healthier and sleep better. 

Suzy


----------



## CJ

Hi Girls, 

Started d/r today, so it's all started now  feels like it's come around so fast, probably due to rushing about and being busy with Xmas.

Hi Suzy, hope it's all going well, I forget are you a day ahead of me or more? I hope you enjoyed your walk, I wish I'd tried harder before today to get fitter  I'm still carry around the excess from being pg with the boys. I think with Xmas around the corner I'm a lost cause.
I have injections to d/r instead of sniffing, which in one way is better because I'm sure I would forget too, I think it's 4 times a day isn't it? I won't forget to do my injections as it will be the first think I worry about when I wakes..well it was last time 

Hi Camilla sorry to hear the test was neg, hopefully that hidden one will be more lucky for you soon, and I guess the small upside is you can eat drink and be merry this Xmas   

Hi Hun, Dell, Sal, scruffyted and everyone hope you r well and ready for Xmas  

Hi Emma, how are you doing, hope that test stick changes for you, is test day Monday?, it might have been too early , hope so 

Love CJ x


----------



## emma73

Hi everyone - I have done 3 tests - Fri, Sat, and Sun morning and all BFN. I had blood taken this morning and phoen for result at 12 - but I know its over for me - and I'm not sure I am strong enought to go through this again.  Its too difficult as it makes me feel as though Zac's death was yesterday. I have done nothing but weep for days, I miss him so much and the possiblitiy of never being able to have a sibling for Luke is just unbearable because my sense of loss for Zac. 

So - good luck CJ, and best of Luck Suzy, enjoy your pregnancy Claire - sorry to hear about you negative camila - and hope you are looking after yourself succotash  after your sad news. Hello and good luck to everyone I have missed and who is going again, you are stronger than me.

Lots and lots of love and Merry Christmas

Emma xx


----------



## Hun

Emma

So sorry to hear your news hun. You are strong- look at everything you have been through, and come out the other side. This too will be the same, but I can comiserate with the sense of loss you have that you got a negative, and know that that must be compounded for you by the loss of Zac.  

Sending huge hugs your way - look after yourself and Dh and your gorgeous son.
We are here whenever you need us.  

Hun xx


----------



## sunfish

Dear Emma

 to you, sorry it was a 

love

Camilla


----------



## emma73

Hi - thanks girls - thanks for your kind words. I have phoend the clinic and yup - BFN. I felt a bit sorry for the poor nurse - she wasnt the one who took the blood and didnt know that I had already tested. So any how - I'm on the waiting list again, but am very unsure about if I will have another go. My gut kind of groans at the idea- I found it such a chore.

Just wondering ladies - where will you draw the line with trying for a sibling?? Will you just keep going? or is it one more go then enough?? I'm not sure whether to bother even with the frozen transfer - not very good success rates is it for a FET? 

I'm sure I will pop on and see how your cycles will go Suzy and CJ - and hopefully your BFP's will make me a little more hopeful!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## CJ

Hi Emma, so sorry to hear it's a negative  don't give up on the frostie idea as my twins came from two (not very good) frosties so it can work, look at Bev she had only one and now she is pg. I feel that because my body wasn't messed about with really during the FET, I was much more relaxed and I think that made all the difference.

Have a rest over Xmas, and see how you feel in the new year, it's sounds like you want to try again but you have been through so much, maybe a rest will make tings a bit clear..  hope so.  

I know I'm a bit different because of having twins but I will still carry on trying for a 3rd how ever long it takes us and of course when we can afford to do so. That said I haven't been through what you have so you have to do what you feel is best, and you might not know what that is just yet.

Thanks for the good wishes for my cycle  

Love CJ x


----------



## Succotash

Ladies, 

Thankyou so much for your wonderful heartfelt messages of support.  They really have been a great comfort to me.  I'm doing OK though I'd describe myself in a bewildered state most of the time.  Just feel so incredibly sad.  However, each day gets a little better.  Had a horrible day a few days ago as it really felt as though my hormones had crashed through the floor.  I'm going to restart my acupuncture in the New Year to try to help my body balance itself.

Emma, so sorry to hear about your negative and also to hear that it's stirring up all sorts of feelings for you.  As to how far you keep going for a sibling, well, for us it will be until we no longer have the financial or emotional resources to deal with any more disappointment.  Plus I'm 40 so I have a limited time in which to achieve it.  It's a difficult one, whatever is right for you. 

Suzy and CJ, I'm so excited for you that you have started your cycles.  May these be the best New Year gifts you will ever have.

Oh, and ladies thanks for the words of encouragement about frosties.  I should be more upbeat as my clinic does have a 20% success rate in my age group for frosties.  My previous ones were natural so I'm going to ask the consultant if I can do medicated next time.  We have our follow-up on Friday and DH is taking the day off - we're off Christmas shopping for ourselves and a nice lunch while my parents look after DS.  We're really looking forward to some time alone.

Love to you all and to everyone I've missed, Succotash.


----------



## shazzy

Emma

My boy is a FET. So there is always a chance.

Shazzy


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Emma - I am so sorry to hear it's neg for you, sending huge hugs   I hope that you can find the strength to try again in the New year, I think it's all down to personal choice for how long or how many cycles we all decide on, it's all so bl## hard and so emotional, even more so for you. My DS is the result of FET it does work - good luck in whatever you decide to do. xx 

Sunfish - I know you weren't trying as such but I'm sorry it wasn't a BFP for you, hopefully the next one will be !!! Glad your DD is on the mend.

CJ and Suzy - How exciting - d/r together.  I have everything crossed for you both.   Will you have any    over Christmas as you are d/r? Hope you can at least have a glass of vino!

Succotash - I think of you a lot, my heart goes out to you. I hope your follow up can maybe give you some direction, let us know how it goes.  Enjoy your day with DH, sounds wonderful, just what you need.   to you. So sad to read your sig.  

Interesting that myself, CJ and Shazzy's are FET successes - anyone else??

I'm really behind Christmas wise - been very poorly on very strong antibiotics, as have had a cough for nearly 8 weeks now, finally gave in and went to the Dr's, he a little concernred as gone on so long so has put me on double dose and for two weeks - no   for me Christmas day!!  If it hasn't cleared up by then I've got to go for an X-ray.   Oh well, lovely end to this not so good year!!
Must get some wrapping done - panicking a bit now as still got few bits to get.

Love to Spangle, Hun,Tracey,Clare and anyone I've forgotten (sorry if i have )

Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Clare_S

Just a very quick pop in to send Emma lots of love and hugs.  

Clare


----------



## suzy

Hiya everyone,

Emma - very sad to hear about your bfn. I can only try and imagine how hard it is for you with what happened with Zac. I hope one day you come to some peace with it. But if I get a bfp, then you know you just have to go again  (your superstition is contagious )

Scruffyted - cough for 8 weeks, golly thats long. Shame about the antibiotics stopping you from having a drink over Xmas.

Succotash - I'm glad to hear that amongst the pain, you are beginning to look forward to next year with plans for another cycle.

CJ - how are you going with d/r?  I wish I'd tried harder to eat better and not drink too much too.  I've set myself all these goals, like not eating anything sweet and not having a drink, and have realized that it makes me feel worse and is impossible to keep to especially when cycling (I really don't know how these women who go on strict organic diets do it, no coffee, tea or alcohol, it'd kill me)
I've always been good with exercise, and have now one dog who needs walking, which I enjoy very much ( am trying to walk him and ds at 6.30am for an hour - probably sounds obscene when its so cold and dark in the UK, but the weather is so good here at the moment, and ds gets up at about 6, 5.30 this morning, and it feels like such an acheivement when I return). But the amount of crap that I've eaten over the years is unbeleivable - I am so bad with choccy, sweets and crisps. And I have more than a few spare tyres and more than a few kilos than I had before I had ds 

Sunfish - glad Isabelles feeling better.

Hi to everyone else.

Well thats it for me now. Early night tonight -9pm if I can. Ds is waking early for a bottle. 

Suzy


----------



## Bev xxx

Hi everyone

Not been on for a while and can't believe what has happened,  Succotash I don't really know what to say.  Hope your feeling ok?

Emma sorry to here about you bfn

A big hug to you all (((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))

bev


----------



## CJ

Hi Girls,

Scruffyted so sorry to hear your so poorly, hope you start to see some improvement soon, so you don't have to have an x-ray  . Hows the wrapping going, no wonder your a bit behind with being so ill,.... what's my excuse.. 

Succotash , good luck for your follow-up appt tomorrow, I have medicated FET's , I have heard some say it increases the chances but then I've heard the reverse. I think it does help as your never really sure your body is making the right amount and this and that (if you understand what I mean ) and I never trust my body. Hope you cons can give you some positive news 

Suzy..6.30am!  are you mad , even on a hot sunny day in another country that would be too early for me , I have been on a 5 day detox, I have not had tea/coffee, just water or hot water and slice of lemon, and no wheat or gluten, no choccy or sugary thing at all. I couldn't do any longer than 5 days but I feel much better for doing it, and I lost 4lbs too, I did it last time I went on FET so I have to do everything the same.. 
We have been having loads of trouble over getting our house move sorted, and I have been so stressed out the last few days thinking we might miss out on getting our new house so that hasn't done me any good, but worse than that it's making me forget my drugs, forgot to take one of my tablets before bed and woke at 3.30am and took it then, don't know why I remembered then but thankfully I did.
Injections sting like hell but I'm not feeling any effects yet..I don't think, but it's early days 
How are you doing? going   yet? I'm  over Xmas, as were staying with family it might be the only time me and DH get a night out for the whole year, last time we went out together was the 29th of DEC last year  so think were due some alone time ..I'm only talking a glass or two not a bottle though.

OMG my boys have just opened the roses tin, god they are tricky little monkey's those two  they amaze me so much lately.

Hi Clare and Bev hope the pg's are going well.

Love to Hun and Shazzy


----------



## Hun

​  Happy Xmas to my Hoping For Another Miracle Buddies! ​  Have a great day, and a prosperous New Year! ​    

Love
Hun and henry xxx​


----------



## Bev xxx

JUST POPPED ON TO SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

       

LOVE

BEV


----------



## scruffyted

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS 

HERE'S TO A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR FULL OF LOTS OF BFP AND LOTS OF BABIES BEING BORN!!!!

        

Lots of love to all my wonderful FF friends

Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

Happy Christmas too everyone. Hope you all have a lovely time and a well deserved rest.

Ooooo, Tracey, how wonderful would it be for you to get a bfp. Good luck and hope the witch stays away.

CJ - how you doing? I am impressed with your detox  . I couldn't manage to keep mine up, and realized that for me, moderation is the key, but you know, its the hardest thing to do. I guess I'm all or nothing. It amazed me, that after 3 days of no sugar, I felt awful - tired, down and irritable. I then had a snack bar and felt much much better withing minutes, which is horrifying really as it means my body is so used to it, that it doesn't function well without it. I'm still on the synarel, and now getting headaches. Headaches are really not so bad at all, paracetamol cures them. Its the tearfulness of the cyclogest that I hate.

Oh God its hot!!!!!!! Today its heading for 40 degrees and I'm sitting here sweating as I write. Ds won't sleep, we can't sleep and the dog nearly has heat stroke. This afternoon, we are heading for the beach and I'm going to dip ds in factor 50 sunscreen 

Love to everyone,

Suzy


----------



## baby whisper

merry christmas everyone    
all the best to us all in 2006   
















love baby whisper​


----------



## spangle

Hi all,

Have a happy Christmas with your miracles. 

Here's to looking forward and not back, to future positive Christmases with extra miracles !

Thank you all for your constant support and care.

Good luck Tracey.

   
    
    


love
spangle.


----------



## suzy

Hiya everyone,

Hope everyone had a great Christmas.

I can't believe its ds's birthday tomorrow . Feeling quite emotional about it and proud of him. My brother and his wife and son are coming over to celebrate - nothing fancy, just lunch and a cake and presents. People that didn't know about our ivf,  kept telling me that his birthday being the day after Boxing Day was badly planned. If only they knew that I wouldnt' care what day his birthday was (he might though )

Ds is sick at the moment, not sleeping well and up a lot at night - I'm up to my armpits with snot (sorry if tmi),  What with him, and a man in the house opposite who has taken to shouting, screaming, drunkenly singing his virtuoso solo performance, and yodelling at all hours of the night, we aren't getting much sleep. We've called the police about him the last two nights .

Here's to the New Year - fresh start and lots of bfps on the way,

Love,

Suzy


----------



## sunfish

Hi All

Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and wishing you a brilliant 2006 where all our dreams come true  

Well my first AF turned up since having Isabelle..on Christmas day   I can start counting now  

Suzy hope your little one is better soon, snotty stuff is horrible.

love & hugs

Camilla


----------



## scruffyted

*HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY JAKE  *

Hope you all have a wonderful day - so special their 1st Birthday.

       

Lots of love

Scruffyted xxxx

Hope you a little better for your special day. x


----------



## Hun

​Happy Belated Birthday Jake!!!!​Hope you a had great day!​    ​
Love
Hun and henry xxx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Wow, it's very quite on here!!

CJ and Suzy - How's the d/r going?? When's baseline??
Tracey - Hope the wicked witch has stayed away and you have a wonderful suprise?? 

Just wanted to say thank you all for your love and support these last few months, thank god I found this site as felt so very alone when trying for our DS.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS

Here's to a wonderful 2006 where all our dreams come true with lots of BFP's and babies being born.

           

We are having a quite night in tomorrow, having a take away and a bottle of bubbly - bringing in the New year praying for another wonderful miracle to happen for us in 2006.

Lots of love to you all

Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## scruffyted

I am so so sad - my sister has just been round and announced she is pregnant!!

I am pleased for her but so devastated for us, I am crying as I type this    she knows about our tx etc but she didn't even tell us with any thought - she even said she was going to tell us Christmas day but we left early  that would have ruined our day. I just spoke to my wonderful best friend who knows everything and she thought it a bit thoughtless of my sister.
I sound very selfish, I am pleased for her, she fell the first month of trying!!  but my heart is breaking I will never ever get the chance to fall naturally and have a wonderful suprise IF ever seeing a positive pregnancy test again.
      I am so sorry to be a me post, no-one but you guys will understand how upset I am.

xx


----------



## CJ

Oh Scruffyted, you sound so sad , you DO NOT sound selfish at all, my sister has 4 children and fell pg with her 4th when her 3rd was only 3months (accidentally) and we were having a very bad time trying to save for our first go. I could have cried/scream on the spot when she sat there was a huge grin telling me all about it, she was so excited when she was telling us , and went on about how she couldn't believe how quickly it happen, and they weren't trying etc.

It is heart breaking, thank goodness your sister didn't tell you Xmas day and spoil that for you both, I know it's hard to hear anytime but on Xmas day it would have been worse.

I'm not saying your sister's anything like mine but my sister has know about our probs as long as we have and she has never told us in a thoughtful way about any of her PG's, if anything it's been the oppsite but I know she doesn't really understand what we have to go through because she fell PG at 17 and has never had a problem, when we told her our first treatment had failed , all she said was "well when are you having the next go, it might take a few goes" very thoughtful..not!

I have tried to explain until I'm blue in the face what it's like and what we have been through but it's like a brick wall to her. Now we have the boys she makes comments like, what was I worrying about, she knew it would work in the end,.. really  comments but from her totally what I expected.

I hope things get a bit easier for you, I would think the news hasn't had time to sink in yet,it was a bit of a shock. Theres nothing I can say to make you feel better but you are not wrong in having these feelings and thoughts, you can be happy for your sister but at the same time also feel sad that it hasn't happened for you..but I really hope you will have a wonderful suprise soon , start of a new year tomorrow and hopefully new beginnings for all of us!

BTW reading about your new yrs has cheered me up, Were having a new yrs in but I having been telling DH that everyone else (we know) will be either out or having house parties and I was feeling like we were the only ones wanting a night in and that we were a bit...sad ...but so happy to see that others are looking forward to a cosy night in front of the t.v , were having a bottle of bubbly (just a small glass or two for me) and a lovely dinner and some choccies and Jools Holland on the box  
what's fun about getting so drunk you can remember where you live   or finding a taxi at 3am to try and get there  Maybe I'm getting old 

Hope you and DH have a lovely evening in together tonight, celebrating in a new year full of hopes and dreams and..   hopefully

HAPPY NEW YEAR  TO  EVERYONE  

Love CJ xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi CJ

Thank you for your kind message- I knew you'd understand.  I am in a state of shock, hasn't helped by my parents ( who know all about our tx) saying we are being selfish for not being more pleased for sister - and why does it matter when they told us!!    

Happy New Year to you.xxxx


----------



## emma73

Scruftyted - I'm sorry that you have had this news - its so flippin hard. Of course you are happy for her, but naturally devestated for yourself. I have a half sister on my dads side and I dont know her at all - but he told me that she is having twins back in October. It sent me in a complete spin and I wouldt even recognise her if I saw her on the street. 
I am so thankful that i dont have to be composed and happy and excited for her. All it makes me feel really is that i want to be pregnant!! 

Did your sister think yu would be doing cartwheels by telling you on Christmas day? Very insensitive I think - but then I think people who havent had to stuggle to concive have no real comphension of what it is like.  

I guess you need time to let this news sink in. Dont allow your parents to make you feel bad in how you are feeling - its totally natural for you to feel like this!! 

I hope everyone one else has been doing well - I'm sad to say that I have had a dreadful Christmas - I missed Zac so much I thought my heart may break, but as soon as Christmas was over I felt better. I hope that in the futire I can enjoy these special times with Luke without feeling so so sad.

I am still undecided about what to do about more treatments. I want another baby there is no doubt about that, but I'm not sure I could cope with another negative. I have been following the Edinburgh IVF thread and it seems I am in the minority with a BFN this month - another positive from my clinic has been announced today. Im not sure I will ever get pregnant again, and it scares the hell out of me. I also dont know wif I should go for a full fresh cycle first or go for the frostie. I'm not sure I  would cope very well with a fresh cycle if I have to go through another negative first. Does that make sense??

AArrgghh - waffling again. Any how - I'm putting my slippers on and staying in tonight to watch telly. 

A Very Happy New Year to you All xxxxx

Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Clare_S

Just a very quick one from me to wish you all a very Happy New Year - 2006 is the year.

Scruffyted - yah boo sucks to your sister.  It's hard and I think people need to be a little more understanding when we don't whoop with joy.  It takes time to cope with and accept but we do get there.  Sending you a big hug

Tracey - big hugs to you too.

Emma - Sorry you have had such a hard time over xmas.  I hope you are feeling better now.  Have a chat to your consultant about FET vs Fresh.  We still have embies from our first attempt because we decided to do another full fresh because of the balance of probabilities of success.  

As for us a quiet New Year we had another couple over for dinner and then played board games.

Take care all

Clare


----------



## spangle

Hi all,
Let's hope we all  really do get our happy new year.
Have just been reading the posts and all of your words are such a help.
Hugs to tracey.
Scruffyted, what is it about this time of year i have found it worse this year- perhaps it is all the negative results piling up and the fact my sister is due anytime ! with her second, both children whilst we have been on this miserable rollercoaster ride for number 2. She knows about our treatment but not in detail . Spent last night with her, she is miserable and tired and I just wanted it to be me. Today saw my moses basket in her bedroom ready-(she has now borrowed it twice!) soooooo wanted it to be me. Don't get me wrong as you are, I am happy for her but it is soo hard to be happy without wanting to cry. The worst of it was that last night my parents in all seriousness wanted me to help her and pack her labour bag, they asked me 3 times before we went out ! They know about our treatment just not intimate details.
Emma so sorry it has been so tough for you. I personally am opting for a fresh cycle because my succesful go was a fresh cycle and the chances of success are higher.
CJ I must say only those of us going through this (as you and others so rightly say) can truly understand each others pain and the whole scenario. was just saying this today to dh and find I am increasingly saying this. 
I need to regain the strength when the baby arrives to squash my personal feelings down and not cry in front of her.
I want to write a book to help fund all these goes, well I want to try anyway because I have found that talking makes me feel less alone and helps me realise my felings are shared by others and not just me. Trouble is the book is still only written in my head !
Hugs
Spangle


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Tracey - what a bugger about your AF - wicked witch 

Scruffyted - so sorry to hear about your sister. The way some people fall pg after a month of trying is like a slap in the face. It brings out a side of me that I don't like at all - feelings that I'd rather not have. Part of me wants them to go through some of my pain so they know what it feels like - and thats a horrible feeling. The other part feels happy for them, that they don't have to go through what we do. Its really hard to reconcile these feelings, and makes me feel like a horrible person.

Emma - I feel for you, and the pain you feel about Zac, and I can only imagine the pain you were in over Christmas. It must be so hard to reconcile the experience of grief for your baby, with wanting to celebrate the life of his twin. I hope you come to a decision regarding what path to take.

Clare - I LOVE board games. Bring back the scrabble I say! Its just such innocent fun. We have a wonderful game called articulate, guaranteed to get any party going. A friend of mine spent NY in her spa in the back garden drinking champagne with her dh - that sounded like another good way to celebrate too.

Spangle - Sorry you have been going through what you have with your sister as well. 

CJ - how are you going? I feel just normal I think. I wouldn't have known I was on treatment, I've had nothing really in the way of side=-effects.

Well, yesterday was the hottest day on record in the past 67 years and reaced a whopping 42 degrees. I know it sounds like I'm whinging, but really I felt like I could melt. You could have fried an egg on my head. I couldn't even move. It was HORRIBLE. Today is 26 and it amazes me that the temperature can change by 20 degrees in 24 hours. Its BLISS today. So much for over heating your eggs   - a spa/sunbed/hot bath would have been positively COOLING yesterday. My synarel is supposed to be stored less than 25 degrees, but not put in the fridge - HA!!!!! What a joke!!!!! 

Thank you for your birthday wishes for Jake. We had a lovely day with my brother who has now gone home to England. 

Well, I have my appointment tomorrow, and assuming my synarel still has a smidgen of active drug in it that hasn't evaporated off or being boiled to oblivion, I'll be starting injections!!

Suzy


----------



## shazzy

Hi girls

Just a short one from me.

Scruffyted- i'm sorry to say but i want to slap your lot!!!!!!!!!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  Some people have not got a clue.  I have to agree with Suzy, this brings out a side in me that i don't like and i find myself wishing for them to experience the same pain we've all gone through which i know is wrong but it makes me MAD MAD MAD!

I've got my appointment through for private clinic in Feb but i must lose weight.  I've put on at least 2 stone since i had DS and i need to lose it as i am well over the max 30 BMI.  So the diet stats in earnest on mon as soon as the chocs are finished.  I am totally crap at diets and eating is my new social life since DS but i hope the fact that unless i get below 30 BMI no tx will spur me on.  Any tips gratefully received

Shazzy
x


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone and Happy New Year!

Scruffyted, honestly some people!  Like the others, it makes me MAD!  .  I have found some people think it is okay to make insensitive remarks because we were successful in having DD!  hmmmmm.

Shazza, I have not found magical way to lose weight but have lost 3 stone since having DD  in march basically thorugh Weight Watchers (not going to meetings though just hopping on scales with a dieting friend once a week   - well not at the same time !!  .

Emma, my heart goes out to you and DH.  

Just wanted to say good luck to all planning tx in 2006 - fingers crossed for a bumper year!!!  .  We are off to the Lister for appt on 18th Jan.  Probably won't try again till the spring as I have this thing about the weather affecting my chances  !!  I think if I have to travel all the way to London (2.5 hours each way) I'd rather wait till it is lighter and warmer.  

Right, must go, need to spring into action now DD is in bed having a nap.  Piles and piles of washing to do   !!

love Helena
XX


----------



## CJ

Hi Girls, I hope every one had a good new years eve?... 
...we had a cosy night in with a lovely meal, and Jools Holland( on telly )..and the odd glass of bubbly but that's it from now on, I don't drink anyway only on special occasions or if I go out.

I get very emotional quite often since having the boys , I was crying watching 101 Dalmations  , but I was a bit funny this new years eve and I insisted I go up stairs with on my own at 12 am (after kissing DH of course) to see the boys, DH thought I was just saying it and came up after me and I got really funny with him, I just wanted to say happy new year to them on my own.

Last year was their first new years eve and we went up together and we were so excited etc, but this year, I don't know what came over me and I spent a good 15 mins waffling to them getting all weepy, while they slept, about how I still can't get my head around them being here and how I carried them and how they were made etc , I think thats why I wanted to be on my own because I was making no sense and I would have felt embarrassed saying it all in front of DH. 
I always ask him (nearly every day he says) "can you believe they are ours" and he always says of course and why do I keep saying it, like I'm an . Also when the boys are in bed they are so quiet (most of the time) that apart from their toys you wouldn't know they were here, and I used to say that if someone came in and told me it was all a dream and that I had just woke up from a big sleep or imagined it like in 'a beautiful mind' I really think I could believe it..I know . 
Funny how beginning a new year makes you think about everything....or maybe it's just me thats loopy  I am on drugs so thats probably a lot to do with my thought processes at the mo  

Hi Shazzy, good news about the appt, I'm totally with you about going on diets, I'm rubbish at sticking to the (not that you will be ) but I go 2 ways, I either stick to it too well and go OTT about it, or I don't take it seriously enough and end up giving into temptation.
I need to go on a diet too, I am 1st 10lb more than when I last start TX and I did lose 7lbs before Xmas but I have been on the  thismorning and  put it all back on. If you find something that works let me know as I really need the help.

Hi Suzy, your post made me smile, I have just put my radiator on here as I'm freezing cold, and then I read your post about the boiling hot weather, I hope things chill out a bit for you before you need to make those eggies, and that the synarel has done the job. I have my appt tomorrow too and I have hopfully stopped working, I have been having a horrid time with this d/r , much worse than before, I still have no patenice for DH and it doesn't take much to annoying me at the moment, I feel like  him daily, so I can't wait to start the hrt. 
I have looked on my notes and it should be this Sat if I have d/r o.k. Should feel better after starting that.
Good luck tomorrow. Oh AF has arrived so thats good (only for this month of course )

Hi Spangle, I hope you find the strength you need for when your sister's baby comes, I think I have been lucky in that my sister lives an 1hr and a half away and so she couldn't pop round and I didn't have to see her much after her babies were born, god that sounds awful to say , but it was very hard. Of course now I'm a mummy it's better but my heart would sink if I found out she was pg again, she does talk about having another because she wants a boy (thats another thing that really p*sses me off, as we wouldn't care what we had but she only wants a boy ) 
Also I don't think much of her parenting for the ones she has but thats another story 
Good idea about writing it all down, even if it's just like a personal journal, good way to get things of your chest, might also be a good way to help family, and close friends understand the true heart ache of infertility, without having to talk (which can be hard sometimes).

Hi Clare , happy new year to you all, hope baby is growing well.

Hi Emma, I can't imagine how this time of year has been for you, I know everyday you feel the pain but this time of year things do come to a head and with the new year beginning it makes us think about the time gone by. Reading your post really made me  I guess because it makes me think about my boys and for a brief moment all the horrid things that I thought might happen when I was pg and they were first born. You probably don't feel it but I think you are so brave, everything you have been through and now having TX again, know wonder your scared , worried and have doubts about what you should do. I don't know what to say as it's only something you and your DH can decide but your desire to have another child is so strong that I hope you find the strength and energy you need to try again. I know it's easy for me to say but really do hope 2006 see you with your BFP that you so deserve 

Hi Tracey sorry to here AF  showed up 

Happy new year to you all, Succotash, Hun, Bev  and everyone I have missed. Wishing you all lots of  for 2006!!

Love CJ x


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## Hun

Hi ladies

Happy New Year to you all! Wishing you all a double pink line and an alcohol free christmas this year! And to all the HfAM ladies with their babes on board - may this be a year filled with much joy!

I have been awol for a while - had a busy christmas and new year, and am gearing up to being in the office at 8am tommorow now and a full on year at work looming.... It was a lovely break - I have so enjoyed spending time with DH and DS, who made my christmas very special.

It has taken me a while to catch up with the posts -

Scruffy - I am sorry that you have taken the news of your sis's pg so hard. Take each day at a time, and try and avoid painful situations. Its impossible for others to understand. Its a good job we all have each other.

Emma - Sorry to hear that it was a painful xmas for you missing Zac. I hope that your path ahead becomes clearer with time.

CJ and Suzy - Good luck with your tx girls. Heres hoping that this thread has two pgs to celebrate this month!

Shazzy - Do you want a weight loss buddy? I got on the scales today and nearly died. I weigh as much now as I did 3 months after having henry! I really need to get a stone and a bit off before my next cycle too. I feel heavy, sluggish and horrible. I am starting as of tommorow - low calorie, healthy eating. Helena - what is your secret? - last time I saw you you looked amazing - 3 stone is a massive amount to lose and you have done so well!!!

Helena- Interested to see you have plumped for Lister after all. Better the devil you know I guess.

Succotash - thinking of you. Hope 2006 is a better year.

Hi to Spangle, Bev, Clare, Tracey and everyone i have missed.

We are hoping to cycle again this year, but I am feeling like its not the biggest priority in my life again right now. Our follow up consultation at Bourn was interesting - they feel I have polycystic ovaries!!! Based purely on the appearance of my ovaries at baseline each time and my over the top response both cycles. I have no other symptoms, regular cycles and I am pretty sure I ovulate every month cos I feel it. It was likely that egg quality was ropey last time - due to only having only 7 days worth of stims - this was probably why we only got two blasts out of 14 embies and a negative. So I am having some blood tests in the short term to confirm or rule out PCOS, and I will be on a much lower level of stims next cycle to hopefully stop the over response. There are also other protocols that it may be worth exploring - the long period of down regulation may have exacerbated the over stimming and crap egg quality problem. Also if PCOS is confirmed maybe some other things that might help natural conception in the mean time -eg metformin. All food for thought....and reason to hope that the outcome of my nnext cycle might be different.

In the mean time my GP has fixed me up an appointment for colcoscopy, so we can get the dodgy smear test spanner in the works, sorted out hopefully with some more information, tx then and there if at all poss, or ruled out as a problem for the time being.

Despite all this right now I don't want to cycle again until summer time. I felt so bad last time, and my consultant feels that although I didn't end up in hospital, I have had OHSS both times. My ovaries are still sore now! I just want to forget about it all and try and enjoy my son. Although the need for another baby is ever present, I feel less sure than I did that it will ever be my destiny - not sure why - just a gut feeling. Time is going by so fast with henry, I am working full time I just feel I need to put every ounce of spare emotional energy into being a good mummy, without lusting after things that may never happen.

Well good luck to you all in 2006 girls. You are all so much support to me and I want to say thankyou to you all for being there. I hope that I can offer you all lots of love and luck for whatever this year throws at us all.

Have added some photies of our Christmas to my gallery...........
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/gallery/index.php?cat=11487

love Hun xxx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Thank you for your messages - i am feeling very numb and sad, hasn't helped by my parents phoning us and saying "we are causing a rift in the family by not jumping up and down for my sister and laying low!" I don't know what to do... we have said we need time to take this in and grieve all over again of the fact we will never fall naturally! I really thought my parents have always understood how heartbreaking this is for us all- but I guess not, they haven't a clue, especially as they said as we have our DS it shouldn't be as hard!!! WHAT!!  
My sister is only 5 weeks and yet she is telling everyone already  oh well up to her I guess. Thank goodness for you girls as I really think i would colapse if you weren't here for me to "talk" too!!

Well our ^tree^ and decs are down, looks very bare, have left our cards up until the 12th night(6th) don't want any bad luck thankyou!! DS has so many toys now, think we could open a toy shop!  

CJ - we watched Jools Holland, fab as always, although at midnight we did turn over as I do like to watch Big Ben and the fireworks, then turned it back again! We sound very alike as i too went upstairs just after midnight and kissed our ds, and prayed that this year we fall pregnant so he can have a sibling and not go through life on his own. wish we lived nearer to you as we think alike!  Good luck for your scan tomorrow, hope you have d/r and can start injecting -let us know.

Susy - wow that is a bit to hot even for a sun-worshiper like me!!   also hope your scan goes well tomorrow and maybe a little cooler for you!!

Shazzy - I am no good at sticking to diets either, the only time i was really good was after i had had ds and had to loose the 3stone i put on!! Well I did lose it all but since been trying for baby no 2 have put on over half a stone as comfort eating!! really am going to try my hardest to loose it again before next tx... 

Spangle - it must be so hard for you with your sister so nearly ready to give birth, i must say i am dreading going through it all with my sister...i really hope this is our year and we too will be pregnant very very soon.  i really can't understand how our parents can be so thoughtless! the book sounds a great idea, like you i feel letting it all out (on here, hope you girls don't mind) helps me through the dark days and sleep a little better.

Tracey - really sorry the old   turned up - why is it every month we get our hopes up!! fingers crossed for you hun.

Clare - wow board games, I too am a fan of them, hope you are well, when is your 12wk scan, or have i missed that? 

Emma - i have no words to comfort you hun, it must be so very hard, on one hand you are so happy with your ds but miss Zac,   to you. i really hope you can find the strength to try again, and i really hope it brings you a bfp.

Hun - hope you are okay?? haven't seen you post in a while.   

Succotash- how you doing sweetheart?? really hope Christmas wasn't to bad for you although i am sure it was very hard. hope to see you posting again soon. 

well   to anyone I've missed, sorry if i have.
DH and Ds are just getting out of the bath for a bed time story!

Much love 
Scruffyted xxxx


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## scruffyted

Hi Hun - our posts crossed.   was getting worried as hadn't seen you post for a while.

Glad you had a good Christmas.  How strange that they now think you have polycystic ovaries!? Has this never been suggested before if they say it because of the scans?? Can I ask you who your consultant is? Do you think you would go for blasts again next time?? really can't make my mind up whether to or not?
Really hope your GP gets everything sorted for you and that it turns out to be nothing - just one of those things.
I really hope you will still post here even if you do decide to wait until the summer to try again, you are a great comfort and help to  us all.
Hope work isn't too bad tomorrow, what do you do, sounds interesting with flights involved!!??
Just re-read my post to you, don't mean to b nosey!  

Love scruffyted xx


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## ♥Lisamarie♥

Hello girls,


may i join you all,not been that active poster since hannah was born.
we have decided to take this ttc route again,after much talking(dh),i was up for it 20 months ago.
at midnight we bothe decided yes we would have  ago,allthough only via natural route,unless i win the lottery.
I want to start charting,but not sure how to do them,so if anyone can give me a few tips please.

Happy new year to you all,hopefully be chatting to you all soon.

lisaxx


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Just a quickie from me,

Had my appt yesterday and a blood test (they don't do baseline scans in my clinic) and am starting stims tonight. 

That means if my cycle is similar to last time that ec will be on the 16th.

Oh, and I'm really proud of myself as I've managed to come completely off my antidepressants, and I've been off them for a month now. I had to go on them for post natal depression after ds was born. It was the first time I've ever had depression. When I first came off them, I was a bit wobbly, but because of the dog being put down, and I wasn't sleeping that well, but now I'm sleeping fabulously and feeling good.

Love,

Suzy


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## CJ

Hi girls just a quickie to say went for appt today and had blood test , af is here so it's lucky I didn't get scanned. I have to see what results are tomorrow but nurse says from my d/r symptoms and horrid hot flushes/sweats she thinks I'm right on track. I can start my hrt on Saturday if all is well and I should feel better by next Wednesday nurse says, hope she's right, I feel like I'm burning up. Suzy I don't know how your managing out there 

Great news Suzy about the antidepressants and how your feeling now  great news on starting the stimms too , we will be having ET around the same time i think, (if things go as planned of course, don't want to count my chickens )

Hi Scruffyted, were even more alike as we did the exact same thing  we turn over to hear the chimes of big Ben and watch the fireworks and then turned it back  great minds think alike.
I must admit to writing to father Xmas (on the boys little black board) asking for another baby  how old am I? I wouldn't let anyone rub it off until after Xmas day either, how sad is that 
I felt really sad reading that bit in your post about you praying for a brother or sister for your DS so he doesn't go through life on his own  that is such a lovely thought, I really hope someone answers it for you this yr. 
I will always count our blessing that the boys have each other.
When we found out we were having twins and everyday since we have thanked our lucky stars that we were blessed with them both for that very reason. I hope you are blessed soon too 

Hi to Hun,Lisa, shazzy,Spangle, clare, emma,Tracey,Succotash  and everyone else on this board 
Love CJ x


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## Clare_S

Just a quiock post from me - I will try and do a fuller one later.

Hun - glad to see you back with us.  Glad you are taking the time out and letting your body recover before going again.

Lisa - Great to see you ! Long time no see, how are you doing ?  OK charting the easiest way to get started is to purchase a Fertility thermometer from Boots for about £12.  They do do a large range going up in price but for the time being that would see you started and has basic details of how to chart.  Also try and get hold of Taking Charge of you Fertility by toni Weschler.  It is very American in approach but if you have the patience there is some very valid information about monitoring your cervical mucous and cervix position to determine ovulation.  For interest the scan dates for this new baby match my observations of ovulatory mucous and not my LMP date.  the key to successful monitoring of BBT (Basal Body Temp) is to take it at the same time each morning and do not do a thing before you take it.  If you get going and need a hand just give me a shout.

Clare


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## ♥Lisamarie♥

awww thanks clare

Lisax


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Welcome Lisa - I'm sorry I haven't charted for a very long time - Clare sounds like an expert! Best of luck.

Suzy - well done you, that is fantastic coming of the antidepressants, so so pleased for you.  wow 16th doesn't seem that far away now!!! bet you are glad to be starting stims.  My clinic does a baseline scan which is fine but sometimes I've had AF at the time of scan, they still do it, bit embarrassing    but luckily a woman does the scanning and she is lovely.

CJ - I laughed and cried at your post, laughed because we are SO alike!!   and cried what you said about your sons blackboard, I don't think you are sad at all in fact i think it was lovely and sort of thing I would do  I do so many things like that- magpies, wishing on first mince pie etc, to say I'm superstitious is an understatement!!  
Bet you can't wait for Saturday to start hrt!

Well got some good news and bad- bad first, went to visit my mum today, thought it be the grown up thing to do, wasn't going to mention anything just thought I'd pop round like I sometimes do..she was so so offish to me, in fact hardly spoke to me just to DS, I didn't raise to the bait as I guess she was looking for an argument! Anyway, she was on her way out, so we stayed about 20 mins and left and she never even kissed me goodbye which she always does   I really think she thinks I should be doing cartwheels for my sister and shouldn't have said to my mum that we were sad for ourselves and upset! but we have always had an honest and open relationship. well spoke to my dh and he said to carry on as normal and that if she is being funny about how we feel that's her problem. 
The good news (well goodish) is that we have sold the car!! which means we are well on a way to having another cycle!!  

Hello to everyone I haven't written a personal to.

Love Scruffyted 
xxxx


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## spangle

hello everyone,
Scruffyted- You were very strong going to your mums and not saying anything. Ihave just found things very painful and backed off from my family, they are all local and we too are normally straight and honest but i suppose i feel too hurt by them. lets face it we need support and to feel that we don't have to justify our felings or be questioned and made to feel bad for how we feel. Your dh sounds llike mine  his comments to you sound like the sort he would make to me. All the things that you and cj have done about wanting another baby are beautiful, and heart warming.
CJ- all the very best of luck for this cycle.
Suzy- all the best for this cycle.
Lisamarie- Hi. Good luck with the charting and the natural route. I am presently waiting for af with only this month to try before starting another icsi cycle. Trouble is bought some ovulation sticks really to help me know when af is due and used the lot testing alternate days around time I thought I ovultated based on previous  cycles and hey looks like trying using Tony W way and looking for natural signs is a cheaper way. If ICSI is due to male factor I have posted a while back some vitamins and a website that is useful for aiding the swimmers.
Emma-sending you a hug.

Girls got to tell you a classic. Decided in bid to get fit to buy a bike- try to lose weight that has come on owing to treatment.  No hassle can go when I want to as dd will be at nursery for a few hours each day.-Beats doing house work! Anyway had a problem with pedals everytime I turned the front wheel my foot scuffed the wheel. Was all set to take it back to Halfords dh was putting it in the car and hey he noticed he had put the wheel on back to front !

Hugs
Spangle


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## Succotash

, and Happy New Year everyone. I so hope that all our dreams come true. OK, so I'll do my best to catch up with everyone.

Scruffyted, so sorry to hear about your family problems. I'm constantly amazed that it is those closest to us who can let us down so badly and hurt us so. DH and I have had our fair share of this recently and it has been so shocking. It's a real kick in the teeth isn't it. And I'm so with you about not wanting your DS to go through life alone - it's something that keeps driving me on. We just have to believe that it will happen again. Glad to hear your got your car sold to help with another cycle.

CJ, hope you've d/r Ok and get the green light to get going. Would you mind sharing your drug regime for medicated FET? My last FETs were natural so I'm clueless about the options. Consultant said I'd be on gestone injections!!

Suzy, hope you get the green light too. I don't envy you the heat. Dh and I used to live in East Africa - please banish all notions of White Mischief out of your mind as we were in the middle of the bush at the wrong end of ex-pat life! I thought I'd expire from the heat though we weren't coastal so it wasn't humid. We were blasted by baking hot wind instead. When we repatriated we arrived back in July and it was hot by UK standards but DH and I were in fleeces as we thought it was cold. 

Lisamarie - it was charting that propelled me to the GP after only 6 months TTC as I was fairly sure I was ovulating from my charts and we were dtd at the right time. I think it's very empowering thing to do. I also charted during my FETs. I'd recomend the book Clare mentions too, it was my bible. There is also an associated website with very active boards and loads of info. You can also print off blank forms to help get you started. It's http://www.tcoyf.com Good luck.

Spangle - your bike story is very funny. Imagine if your DH had taken it back to the shop. On a slightly similar note, DS was bought a Plan toys wooden firestation that came with a small wooden fireman. When we opened up the box the fireman was in a seated position and I couldn't get him into the bucket of the fire-engine - I just couldn't work it out and I knew that he had to be in a standing position to get in the bucket. I ended up emailing the company (in Thailand!) and then phoning John Lewis toy department to find out how to get this fireman straightened out. Well, I felt a complete fool as JLP took one out of the box in the store and announced that madam had to twist the bottom of the fireman to get him into a standing positon. And it just hadn't occurred to me to do that. Then got an email from Thailand saying the same thing. Then got a Christmas card from Thailand 

Hun - how curious to have a diagnosis of polycystic ovaries at this stage. I guess it does make sense from what you've said. How fab would it be if you could concieve naturally. You sound very chilled out and peaceful.

Tracey - it's so hard when you come across someone who can conceive as easily as shelling peas. It's like holding up a mirror infront of ourselves and being forced to confront our own situation. I think our children are more precious to us because of what we have to do to get them. Keep faith that you will have more children.

Clare - hope you're well. How's the pregnancy going?

Hi to everyone else I've missed. Will be more on the ball from now on.

Quick update on me. Well Christmas was nothing short of a huge ordeal. 12 for Christmas dinner when all I really wanted to do was be left alone. And no one, except for my FIL much to my surprise, even so much as asked myself or DH how we were!!!! I'm so mad. There has been no acknowledgment that I was pg and then had a miscarriage. My parents and sister were here for 2 weeks and it went UNMENTIONED. It was just like this huge elephant sitting in the room. I couldn't wait for them to go. My mother's reaction has shocked me to the core. At least my dad kept patting me on the shoulder. She dared to have a go at me about something on Christmas eve, something I was supposed to have done but didn't (GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES - sorry to shout). Anyway I ended up screaming at her that I was SORRY that my miscarriage had inconvenienced so many people. (MIL is mad that DH, DS and I didn't manage to make it round to hers in the week before Christmas). What the f*** is wrong with people? Rant over ...

Our consultation went well actually and our dr was really positive about future treatment cycles and basically said that we had a very good strike rate so far (3/6) and that it was a numbers game (this appeals to DH who is an accountant). So we are planning a medicated FET after I've had 2 bleeds, so that'll be around about end Feb/early March. I also need to have a hycosy to check that there is no tissue left behind. Am starting up the acupuncture again next week too. Have managed to lose about 5lbs over Christmas with the stress of everything. So it'll be all systems go.

We have various options with our frosties (3x3-d and 1 blast). The embryologist will advise but we can just go for the 3ds, or try to take them to blast. Consultant said that if we only had one survive out of the 3ds then I could go back 2 days later and have the blast transferred as well ..... anyone else heard of this double transfer?  Anyone heard success stories of taking frozen 3ds to blast? I must say the drug regime sounds awful. I also have to start taking low dose aspirin after my second bleed. If that fails then we'll do a fresh cycle possibly with PGS as a further screen. Tick-tock and all that. Amazingly I can tell that my body is gearing up to ovulate as I have all the pre-O signs. It's reassuring that it's getting back into gear.

Phew,that was long. Ds is rattling his cot so I don't think I can ignore him any longer.

Love and luck to you all, Succotash


----------



## SueL

Hiya

Tracey IM'd me in response to Succotash's post, hope you don't mind me barging back in over here.

Succotash - really sorry to read of your recent loss ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) with regard to frosties, I had 7 day 3 frosties and took them all out of the freezer to see how many (if any) we could grow to blast as I couldn't bear the thought of a 6th 2ww if it just wasn't going to work.  Out of the 7, 4 defrosted but 1 not too well.  Of the 3 good defrosted embies by day 5 none of them had moved from their original "status", I was gutted.  Was told that if they hadn't moved by the next day it would look like there would be nothing to transfer.  I made my mind up that there would be nothing to transfer.  Went to work as normal on the Friday booked a day of meetings and at 9.30 got a call to say get to London urgently as 1 had made it to blast.  That 1 was Chloe!  Prior to the 6th IVF I'd had 2 early m/c and was on steriods, baby aspirin and heparin. 

hope this helps.

Love to everyone else
Sue
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Clare_S

Proper post later I am pretty sure that my friend in her last fresh cycle had 2 embies to blast and then they defrosted her frozen blasts and did a one of each transfer.  She had a lovely boy as a result

Clare


----------



## Hun

Hi All,

First week at work nearly over...well will be in 8.5 hours   ....... Thank goodness!!
We are having our annual big NCT lunch at a friends tommorow, she is an angel and cooks for 12 + babies. And our chance to do an annual photo. Last year the babies were all 2-10 weeks old - this year its going to be a right battle getting them all to sit on the sofa together. Only down side is that I am wondering who will be next to announce theyre pg...

Succotash - good to hear from you. Sorry its been such a tough Christmas. It amazes me just how insensitive people can be about infertility and miscarriage. It hurts the most when its family or close friends -I think they feel lost for words, and so don't know what else to do. I think it is also true, that when you have been through a long period, as most people have with IF of discussing personal things in quite an open way, you get used to being able to let your feelings out, and pretty eloquent at doing so! Personally I know that is the best way for me of dealing with all of this horrible business. I think people of an older generation find this hard to deal with, as 'personal issues' just weren't and aren't discussed. I think, at least in my family there is a huge generational gap in how we deal with these things. . Little do they know that a hug or little card as acknowledgement can mean a lot even if there are no words.

I am really glad that you are feeling postive about treatment in the future. The only way is up. I am just so sorry it all has to be so hard.

Hi to Clare, and Sue - hope your pgs are going well - they seem to be flying by. Do either of you have any feelings about what you might be having.....?

LisaMarie - Hi - good luck with the charting. I had absolutely no success, but I am the most impatient person in the world, and just couldn't be bothered after 3 or 4 months of bits of dishevelled graph paper that looked like a spider had walked across them. But lots of people do have success this way....

Spangle - Hope you are well.    about the bicycle. Mines is in our cellar - it has not seen the light of day for 3 years! Good luck with the getting fit. My calorie counting has started and I have been exceptionally good all week. However I can't stay off the bathroom scales and if there is no difference i get all despondent and then fall off the wagon. Might have to get DH to hide them..

Scruffyted - Sorry to hear about your family troubles. Christmas is always the time where it all comes to a head. We are too in the process of selling our second car, don't think we'll get much for it (certainly not enough to make a difference to our ivf savings, but at least it takes another lot of day to day expenses out of the equation). We live in a tiny village though, so two days a week DH and DS will be carless, and with no shop, post office or anything in the village this will be hard. DH is good about taking henry out in the backpack for long walks and stuff though, so perhaps being a one car family will do us all good, as well as reducing our environmental impact.

Re: your questions - I am trained as an environmental scientist, but now work for a big pharma company in management of sustainability/social/ethical responsibility issues. Its quite interesting and a growing field     (no really!!!) My role covers all of Europe, so lots of hopping on and off planes involved - but trying to do much less of that these days....!

Suzy - well done in coming off the Ad's. I hope that both you and CJ are well on your way to BFPs. Looking forward to lots of good news this month to brighten this january darkness. Roll on spring, and seeing a lot more BFPs on this thread.

Love to you all
Hun xx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Tracey - big hugs for you hunni   I know how you are feeling, I cannot believe our ds is over 3 now, it goes so so quickly.  I am desperate to try again for a sibling, we have just sold our car so we are on our way but still have a way to go...it's so hard. I hope you feel a little better soon and really wish you could win the lottery. It' so much harder when you meet people like you did the other day - life is so very unfair!!

Hun - wow your job sounds very interesting, are you full time then?? Bet you find it hard when you travel leaving Henry.

Spangle -    laughed so much at your post it really cheered me up-can you imagine if dh had taken the bike back to Halfords   all round!!    you are good going out on your bike, I am trying so hard to loose weight and get back to the gym but I have still got this damn cough and still feel under the weather, have got a chest X-ray next week.  Not sleeping well as coughing so much hence got no energy for the gym, just keep eating chocolate to feel better!!  

Succotash -good to hear from you, sorry you had a hard time with family at Christmas, I really cannot understand why family do not understand - they are so close to us and yet... as they say you cannot choose your family!!! Good for you for saying that to your mum, I always just bite my tongue and then get cross with myself for not saying something!! Good to hear you are planning another cycle, as for blasts I really am stuck on that one as our consultant has suggested we try for blasts but having never had this and seeing the stress that Hun went through and then not a positive result, I just don't know.  Can i ask you what PGS is as have not been offered that?
Liked your story of the fireman   I can just imagine what John Lewis said when they put the phone down to you  

CJ and Suzy have you both started hrt yet??   

Hi Sue - nice to see your post, your pregnancy is flying by!!! Keep us posted.

Clare - saw your thread about the magazine, I will be buying that tomorrow.

 to everyone else.
Anyone doing anything exciting this weekend?? We off for ds swimming lesson tomorrow morning, then out on his big boys bike that Santa gave him - trying to get him to peddle it and not get upset when he can't steer it! 

Love Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## spangle

hello,
This is my second attempt at posting as  some how I lost the first one and it took ages !
Don't know if you realise but had dh not spotted wheel problem then it would have been me taking bike back and looking a fool ! 
Scruffyted- why don't you, when you are feeling better join my 'look-a-berk' club and get your bike out and ride on your drive  with ds . I do feel daft but dd loves just riding round and round. Bless she even gets excited and says with wide eyes-mummy WE might be able to ride our bikes today- she loves me riding my bike with her- it is easier now with the wheel on right. Oh , Santa brought dd's bike and built it, might be an idea you check Santa has put ds bike together ok !! I draw the line with wearing a helmet though as think I look a big enough berk. I do time it though as don't want too many of children I teach seeing me !! Waiting for dd to ask why i am not wearing a helmet.
DD is off swimming in morning with dh and then we are off hunting for some shoes for her as have been on a wild goose chase so far this week to find her some shoes that fit. They say she has a high in step and we are struggling to find her some. I can't believe the struggle we are having to find a pair of good shoes for her, all I want is practical shoes for every day=velcro so she can do them.(OH no I am going off on one) Hope you feel better soon, you must be feeling dreadful with coughing during the night. I am struggling to keep quiet with my parents I just know that i am going to go bang and cry. Why do our families cause us so much pain ? Don't you find you keep telling yourself that you will remember how not to be when ds is your age?
Hun-Can't believe you do the same with the scales-I weigh in the morning and then at night , feel gutted when after being careful that my weight has stayed the same. Like you say it can give you the gloomies then to start the day. Treatment and all that's involved is hard enough, being able to eat chocolates and sweets and crisps and choccy biscuits would be a great comfort and then how dare I put on weight. It is unbelievable and so unfair I reckon we should be compensated and be able to eat loads of treats without putting on weight. Your job sounds really interesting, I find that when I go out to work I appreciate my time at home so much more.
I tell you girls I think there should be a fund for those of us who need this treatment it puts a huge financial strain on us  and adds to the stress of this whole business. I can't believe that still we are fighting for nice guidelines to be met and there is no hope that we could get funding as we already have one child. Sadly I have had no nhs goes due to the fact by the time we got on the waiting list our go worked. Don't get me wrong I would not change fact that it worked but would be nice to have some help towards treatment. I have had a lot for baby number 2 and still there is nothing.  
Succotash, sorry to hear that you have had insensitive relatives. Sending you hugs and loads of support. Wish I could have heard the smug tone of the assistant, at least they sent you a Christmas card !! teehee, really made me laugh.
Have a good week -end all,
love
Spangle


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, well I have started the hrt and hopefully that will get hormones back to some kind of "normality" 
We only have 11 days until they take our last two babies out for the freezer, scary thought it might be all over before we get to the 2ww but DH is already picking names, so again he is being positive enough for all of us  Wished he'd be a bit more realistic like me, I'd rather think the worse and then be happy and shocked than think they will defrost o.k and then be gutted if we have no embies. I know that sounds negative but I think I will cope better this way.

Suzy how's things with you and the stimms, haven't seen you post for a few days hope things are o.k? 

Hi Spangle, I hate that when you write a long post and it gets wiped, I happens to me a lot when I spell check.
I understand your  at the funding process, although I don't feel I should be entitled now (having 2) I do think we should have got a go free at the start or at least help with drugs. In our area we get nothing at all, even if you have no children together or previously, yet 8miles away you get a free go and free drugs for other cycles, it's so unfair, we had to add our ICSI go to the mortgage and then when that failed, as we had FET which is a lot cheaper( and no children at the time) we worked our socks off doind extra days, nights and weekends at work , it's madness the stress you have to go through and then theres no guarantees. 
This time we sold my car, I have no sense when it comes to doing TX but you do what ever it takes to get there. My family and DH's haven't really under stood our desire to have our own children and the older family members thought (before the boys ) that we should just accept we can't have them and move on  
Hope you can sort something our to help fund your next go 

Scruffyted, I won't tell DH about you and the magpie's as he'll think were twins  I do exactly the same thing, if I see one I have to cross it out (feel like a right prat doing that in public) and it's the same with " touching wood" after things I have said. 
DH didn't know anything about any of these superstitious thing before he met me and thought I was making them up at first, but now he does them too  .

Hope DS had a nice time swimming and riding his "big boy" bike, I love taking my two swimming, Charlie really can swim breaststroke, I wish I had the confidence to let him go as I think he would swim about but I'm too scared about him going under.
BTW never wished on a mince pie before, but I do wish when eating the first veg of the season, my mum started me on that one when I was little , were all a bit  in my family.
I started my hrt today so should feel better by Wednesday, how are you doing, we sold our car to get money for this go too, also so I could stay at home with the boys for a while, hope it brings your next go closer Hun 

Succotash. sorry to hear you had a rough Xmas, and your family were so unsupportive, well done for standing up to your Mum, some times they just need to be told it straight.
r.e my FET cycle, it goes like this..
Northeistrone tablets from the 18th for 7 days, d/r with injections from 20th Dec until the 15 th Jan, hrt tablets (3 aday) start on the 7th of Jan up until test day and beyond if PG, Cyclogest pess to be taken from the 16th until test day and beyond if PG, on the 18th they take embies out of the freezer, then if any survive they go back in on the 19th (next day). I also take baby aspirin (75mg) the day I start hrt to help with lining. Were also having assisted hatching on any embies we my have to transfer.
Hope some of that makes sense for you 

Hi Hun,  hope NCT lunch at a friends went well, and you got that photo, I bet they all looked cute lined up on the sofa (if they managed to stay there long enough )
Hope no one announced there pg again. I'm not sure why but no one in my group has got pg yet, we all talked about it, they all say how hard they are finding having one, so maybe the site of me juggling two monkeys , a coffee and a piece of cake has put them off, hasn't me though 

Hi Tracey, sorry to hear your having a bad day, it is hard when you don't have the money and theres no way of getting any. Like Scruffyted we sold our car, we did it when we had the boys so I could stay at home for a while and I saved some money back from that for this go. 
It's only been possible since we put the mortgage onto interest only really, not a great thing to do I know but we have 30 yrs to pay that back but not to have children. Thank god we are moving house and getting a bit out of that or we would be in sh*t street. I have no sense when it comes to money and TX as my dreams of a family take over everything, thats why we haven't told anyone (but you guys) were going ahead because our families would think we were stupid with the fact I have no job and buy everything me and the boys need out of savings and hubby earns really cr*p money, but we just about manage and were happy to do it like this.

Right better go as i have waffled on too long, sorry 

Hi to everyone I have missed out, hope your well 

Love CJ xx


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## suzy

HI Girls,

Havne't been around for a few days as nothing much has been happening here, just coasting along.

CJ  - glad you have started the HRT. I, like you have never been a great one for positive thinking, and have always thought that if you think its going to work, then you have a long way to fall if it doesn't. I really hope they thaw for you, must be devestating if they don't . My dh is very positive as well, and is convinced that we will have another child, to the point of looking for somewhere with enough bedrooms to buy, even if I think we might be bouncing off the walls. I love your colours and have adopted them myself, for easier identification 

Spangle  - sorry you are having trouble with your parents. Its easier in that way for me as mine live on the other side of the world. I remember when I had ds, my mother said "He's not ivf is he??", and that just about decided me that I would never tell them. I miss them being involved in his life though. I think maybe our parents era (post war), were taught to bury their feelings, and not feel them, and maybe that goes some way towards explaining their behaviour.

Scruffyted - I'm sorry that you have to save up and sell your car to have another cycle. My cycles here are quite cheap at the moment, so I am really lucky.

Tracey - when you said you are saving up for another cycle, I thought "bicycle" what with all this talk of bikes for Christmas. Derrrr ! What a goof I am 

Hun - I'm fearful of pregnancy announcements too. I'm just waiting and now see all my friends as a threat in one way. Three of them are pg, one very close to me. We went swimming yesterday, and had a good talk about my ivf, and so far so good. Wow, I'm really impressed with your job - sounds fantastic. These big drug companies need someone to look after ethics and social responsibility - I just hope they take your postition seriously and haven't just created it to silence critics. Either way, it sounds challenging and interesting.

Succotash  - How hurt and disappointed you must be by your family. It must feel like another slap in the face. Glad your consultation was positive and that you are starting again soon. A double transfer sounds very interesting, and I'm sure its done, but I haven't heard of it. My clinic said that if we only have one emby on a fresh cycle, then we could thaw one and put that one in as well (we have one frostie only), but they don't like to do it as it stuffs up their figures ( as in they don't know which year the embryo causing a pregnancy was from)

Emma - how are you going?

HI to everyone else I've missed ( suddenly this thread has taken off - its hard to keep up)

I'm on day 5 of gonal f and so far, not noticing any symptoms apart from being crotchety with dh, which I think is more to do with him having been glued to the computer for the last 48 hours, than being a side effect of the drugs. I'm trying to be really mindful of the need to rest, and eating brazil nuts, drinking pineapple juice and milk, which I did on the cylce I was pg, but not on the last one. I'm amused by my injecting technique. I'm like an old pro and can do it all in about 30 seconds with my eyes close pratically 

Well, thats all from me, hope everyone is well,

Suzy


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## Clare_S

Wow its gone very very quiet - is everyone OK ?


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## scruffyted

Hi I am here- did a long post last night then lost it!!  was too tired to do it again so will try now....

Clare - i read the article in the magazine, -I cried! She really wrote it well, the photo of you and dd is lovely, dd looks beautiful.

Hun - How did the NCT lunch go? Hope you enjoyed it, I hope you didn't have to hear of any of them announcing their 2nd pregnancy, as you know i have had to hear all but me announce their 2nd pregnancy's and the last one is due to give birth in April, so I know how you are feeling, it is so hard. I feel the odd one out and feel so different to them. 

CJ - How are you feeling now you are injecting?? Better I hope.  When do they think ET will be?? I am so sure your embies will defrost fine    I think us women are so different to men, I cannot think positively about tx or most things where as DH does (thank goodness, as keeps me going) we always say  "I look at life with my glass half empty" where as dh "looks at life with his glass half full"!!  
I have never heard of wishing on the first veg of the season,   will have to try that one, I also touch wood etc!!! Have you heard of the wishing on first bite of the Xmas cake?? I've got loads!  DH just smiles! Haven't heard of crossing out the one magpie, I always salute it and say " good morning/afternoon Mr magpie   try that walking along! (Keep seeing only one,really hope to start seeing two or more soon!)  People do look at me a bit strange  . DS loved his swimming lesson thank you, we go every Saturday, I used to go in with him in the lesson but now he has gone up a class he goes in on his own with the teacher and other children   I stand and watch but miss being in the pool with him.

Suzy - How you feeling? have you got a date for EC yet? can i ask you how much milk and pinapple juice you are drinking as have read about this on other threads? when did you start drinking them etc?

Spangle - Well I am now an official member of your look a berk club!    went out on our bikes yesterday, was great fun, but didn't get far as ds still learning to peddle properly ( and steer) I laughed at your post re Santa - so I did get Santa to check he had put ds bike together properly   
You said you time your bike riding so no-one you teach see's you-what do you teach? I agree with you about your frustration at funding etc, when we first found out way back in 1999 we would have to have ICSI we decided not to wait for funding on NHS as Dh was turning 40 the following year and we though bound to be a long waiting list, so we re-mortgaged our house and worked overtime etc and (after several attempts) we were blessed with our ds, this time as you know we have sold our car and saving like mad! I can understand that as we have one ( even though paid by ourselves) i do think it would help if they paid for our drugs etc. 
Hope you found your dd some shoes? 

 to Succotash and Tracey.
Haven't seen Emma or Shazzy post for a while, hope you are ok?
Good luck Helena for you appointment next week.
How you getting on with charting Lisa?

As for me I have a chest X-ray tomorrow, but (please don't jinx yourself!!) my cough, finally after nearly 3 months seems to be subsiding!! Hooray!! Just need to feel 100% again then maybe I can start my diet.  Also had my day 2 bloods done today, never had them done before so a little nervous what they will say! 

Love to all
Scruffyted xxxx


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## Clare_S

Hi Tracey

Congratulations on the win - do what your heart is telling you to on this.

Personally decorating would be last on my list

Clare


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## emma73

Hi everyone - havent been around much - but hello to all.

Tracey - If I won £1000 there is no question what I would do with it, it would go towards TX. You can have a holiday any year and decorate any time, I would put it towards IVf though as much better chance of success right? 

At the moment I am having the worst time with Luke, feel like the worst mother in the world and am questioning if I could cope with another baby. I tend to want to be pregnant most when Luke is bed and I am looking at yet more celebrity bumps in my gossip magazines. I'm less keen when Luke wakes up at 6am for the 4th day running as I am just so exhausted! We will save what we can, see how we feel come Oct, and if we dont want to do it go to Barbados instead!! I may feel a bit better if I could just get a decent rest.

Any how - enough of me moaning! How is everyone?? Suzie - hows the cycle going? Must be nice to just go right again, waiting is a pain, part of my doubt comes from the whole sense of having your life on hold you know what I mean?

Claire - what magazine were you in?? Hope your pregnancy is going well!

CJ - I really admire you for going for another one with twins. You must have some stamina!! Best of luck.

Spangle - I do hope things are a bit better with your folks, its just not fair!!

Good to hear you OK Hun, your post made alot of sense to me as you echoed many of my thoughts.    

Hello to Scruftyted and everyone else I have missed - sorry for the crap catch up but I havent been on for a bit!!

Bye for now xx


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## scruffyted

Hi Tracey

That's great news - I am so pleased for you.  Have only just seen your earlier post and I agree with clare and Emma, I would use the money for tx. We are going without a holiday(again) and no decorating (again) so we can cycle.  There will be many years for holidays and decorating once our family's are complete -please    for us all.

Really pleased you have decided to put it towards tx-let us know what the clinic say.

Love Scruffyted xx


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## CJ

Hi Tracey, by the sounds of your post (you know what I mean ) you have made the right decision, you seem a lot happier already.
You have been saying in your posts about wanting to cycle again soon but because of money you couldn't , and now this windfall has obviously helped you reach your target quicker and has made you so happy, it was obviously what the money was meant for 

Holidays come and go but having this cycle might change your life forever , hopefully 

Hi Scruffyted, I'm not stimming Hunny I'm taking tablets (hrt) only need a nice lining, I still have inject my busulin until Sunday and then I start cyclogest (aka windy pop bullets )
ET (please god) should be the 19th but they will take them out the day before (next Wednesday )

This wishing business seems to have a theme don't you think , basically you can wish on the first thing of everything that you do or eat in the year by the sounds of it.
I crossed out 1 magpie as to see one is bad luck (one for sorrow) but you cross it out 3 times or if you have someone with you (who's also a bit ) you can ask them to look at it and then you say "one for sorrow seen by 2 brings good luck to me and you"..I kid-you-not!and I say it alot 

I'm a half empty girl, for instance if were in the pub (which doesn't happen now of course) and I want to go home I look at DH and see he glass is have empty and I think right lets go..DH on the other hand thinks I've still got practically a pint left here, we can't go yet 
Whats happening with you TX wise, are you saving up or just taking a break (sorry useless memory)

Hi Emma, sorry things are a bit tough at the moment, but your not a bad mummy at all, being over tried and completely exhausted can made you feel like sh*t but that's all it is tiredness and as soon as you get so more rest you will feel tons better.
I hope Luke lets you get some sleep soon, my two go through stages like that, infact I have had Finley up 3 times on Tuesday and between the two of them they were up most of last week and this week apart from last night, but I'm hoping it's not a habit 
Thanks for the good wishes.

Hi Suzy  hows things with you, what stage are you at now? I'm just taking my tablets and waiting for next Wednesday, getting worried, but trying not to dwell on them not defrosting too much.

A big  , Hun, Clare , Spangle and everyone

Love CJ x


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Glad people are posting on here again - I've felt a bit lonely when I log on lately.

I've been happily injecting away for the past ten days and I am set now for EC on Monday, then probably transfer next Friday the 20th. I had my scan and a blood test this morning and I've got 18 follies, the largest is 24cm. Theres quite a few small ones, so will probably be asked to have another stim injection tonight. THe last time, I had 17 follies and 13 eggs, but I've come to the conclusion that egg quality matters much more than quanitity. But with its still good to have more in the race to begin with. I'm pleased though, because I'm nearly 40 and am relieved that I respond well.

EC takes on a new slant when I think about it as a really good sleep  (ds been up with teething again recently )

I'm really peeved though as I have awful toothache. Its in a tooth that's been root canalled, so theoretically it should't ache as all the nerves should be dead. I went to the dentist on Wednesday and she drilled out the filling to look for another nerve root that may have been missed, but didn't really find anything. Well, since last night, its got really quite painful. The dentist is our friend as well and doesn't know about my treatment, and dh doesn't really want me to tell her. I wouldn't really bother about it at all, if I wasn't in the middle of a cycle, but I don't want to be having dental treatment in the 2ww. Anyway, I've just rung her and have an appointment now at 4 this afternoon.

Emma - I know exactly what you mean about doubts about another child. I think they call it the ambivalence and its a well known thing, that isn't often talked about as people feel guilty - especially when they have assisted conception - that they could have any negative thoughts about wanting a baby. I know when I had Jake, I didn't think about the outcome much other than a certainty that I wanted children, but was fixated on pregnancy which I thought was the Holy Grail of motherhood at the time. I didn't think much about the practicalities of looking after a baby other than the vague notion of it will be hard, but I'll cope, I've coped with worse before (little did I know...).

I'm a bit the same now, and have been confronted recently with new mums with older children who are struggling to cope and its made me wonder if I really want this. I really do, but the baby stage was hard for me especially with PND, which really knocked me for six. I comfort myself though with the knowledge that the anti-depressant worked quickly and well and would have no hesitation going on them at all (I'm having a little laugh at myself, because I really didn't have a choice before - I'd have ended up either dead or in hospital if I hadn't taken them. I wasn't suicidal at the time, but I'm sure if I'd left it, I would have been). Anyway, as usual, I've written an essay and I'm aware that you have different reasons maybe for your doubts as well.

CJ - glad to see you're coasting along too. Its hard not to worry about defrosting them isn't it?

Tracey - glad to hear that your'e spending your money on another cycle. With you being on a roller having won the money, lets pray for a successful cycle.

Scruffyted - you make me laugh about starting your diet. Hope your chest Xray's OK.  I really don't know much about pineapple or milk or nuts, other than with my first successful IVF, I drank a lot of milk (1L a day) and ate walnuts (handful) during stims and then pineapple juice (2 glasses a day) in the 2ww, and got a bfp and didn't do any of this in my second and got a bfn. A big part of me think that its got nothing to do with success, but a small part of me wonders...... So I've been having milk on muesli in the morning, another glass in the day and a hot milk at night, and a handful of brazil nuts a day (though v hard now because of tooth -maybe this is why my tooth is sore ), and a glass of pineapple juice. I've just bought two large pineapples from the best fruit and veg shop in Sydney and will start to eat it today (my juice has run out)

Hi to Spangle, Hun, Clare Succotash and everyone else

Suzy


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## CJ

HI Suzy , Wow EC on Monday , it's coming up fast, they are leaving the embies out a while is that because your having blasts? My clinic put them back in on day 2. 
I'm taking BA with my hrt and will be if I get to 2ww too , and I had AH last time so following the same route just in case I was thinking of eat Brazil nuts as some girls on here have been talking about them, do they do the same things as walnuts then? Also I was told only to drink 100% pineapple juice , not to eat it as that can cause something else to happen. God it's a mindfield all the do's and don'ts . If I'm on the 2ww I'll stick to just the nut s I think.
Great number of follies , good luck with the EC, can't wait to hear more news.

It's getting exciting now but also scary, I'll be so disappointed if we have nothing to go back in, but I guess it's out of my control, so can't blame myself it it doesn't happen.

Hi everyone   

CJ x


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Have just spent 3.5 hours in the dentists chair, having a root canal redone. I've got an abcess of all things and now need to take two broad spectrum antibiotics before my transfer. What a bummer  On a more positive note, have just watched Bridget Jones on TV - ooohh I love Mark Darcy 

Suzy

CJ - what's BA and AH?


----------



## Hun

Hi girls

Nice to have some company again too! it has been quiet around here, I feel like when I'm not having treatment I sort of want to forget about it, and don't always have a lot to add but I do miss you girls and our chats. Wouldn't it be nice to do it over a bottle of wine or two ....however we are sooooo spread out I am not sure we'll ever manage a meet!

Suzy - Sorry to hear about your tooth hun. Must be very very painful. I too can't believe its all come around so quickly for you - EC on Monday Wow! So hoping that this batch has a couple of beautiful blasts in it for you.  You sound like you are taking tx all in your stride - I guess you do get used to it, and the way it makes you feel, and the more times youve been through it you worry less about the surgical bits.

CJ - hope the hrt is going ok, and that you are getting ready to meet your snowbabies. I think whatever you say beforehand, its desperately difficult not to get excited and your hopes up every time tx happens, after all with all that money being handed over and the stress of all, hope of a good outcome is the ONLy thing that keeps you going.

Suzy - can identify very much with what you said about the ambivalence thing. For me, when I wanted to be pg the first time, pregnancy was the holy grail to me as well - i had some pretty romantic notions about it all. With hindsight I did enjoy being pg very much, but there were aspects of it I found hard to cope with - being the impatient control freak that I am, being forced to wait 41 weeks with no idea of what was happening 99% of the time was a bit difficult! I too hadn't really thought too much about what came after, other than dreamy thoughts about nursery decoration, family walks, christmases, and hanging small items of clothing on the line. All those things were very lovely, but at the same time, until you have a baby you have no idea of what hard, all consuming unglamourous job it will be (fantastic too mind!). For me, going back to work was the hugest wrench of my life after what I had been through. I think what I am trying to say is that this time around all of us know a little better what lies ahead, and can anticipate how hard it will be (especially with a toddler too!). Thats not to say I don't want it, but I just don't want to build it up to be something that its not going to be, I want to be able enjoy the magical times and the not so magical times at face value.

Tracey - glad you are going again. Sooner rather than later improves your chances.....

Emma - Can identify with how you are feeling. It is soooooo much money for tx, that once you have a family could be put to more enjoyable uses! I think, like me the first BFN hit you harder than you were expecting. I almost feel scared to try again for that very reason.

Scruffyted - hope chest xray went well, and you are on the road to recovery, you poor thing!
Whereabouts in Essex are you? The E. anglian girls are having a meet on 22nd Jan in Cambridge...you'd be more than welcome!!!!

Clare S - wanted to say that I am so glad your scan went well - I know you haven't posted on here about it, but just wanted to say how pleased i am for you and DH and Alex.

Hi to everyone else I haven't mentioned personally!

I had my colposcopy this morning, and everything looks completely normal, so I have been discharged, and can carry on with tx. YIPPEEE!!!!!! Imagine what a disaster it would have been to have had to put everything on hold for 8 months only to be told the same thing! also got talking to a nice medical student who is on the fast track graduate entry medicine scheme at Cambridge. How much would I love to do that ?? this isn't just a whim (i applied to medical school at 18 - but my A-level results weren't good enough and I didn't want to resit - hugest mistake of my life!!!). I ahve researched a couple of similar courses, but they were all based at London medical schools - which is out of the question for us -I didn't realise Cambridge University did one! I bet the competition for places on those courses is huge though. Maybe something to consider in the future, once tx is over.

Anyway - hope you all have a lovely weekend girls. My diet is going well, 3lb lost so far, and enough calories left over to treat myself to a pizza express yummy pizza on saturday with DS and DH      .

Love to all Hun xxx


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Hun - be really sure you want to go to med school!!!!  When I did it, and it was in the UK,  it was one of the best times of my life, but I was only 18 and discovering myself, my independance, alcohol and the opposite sex . Its a pretty full on full time course and I'd imagine that with two children it'd be very trying. But it pales into insignificance compared to those first years in hospital with the sleep deprivation (assuming its the same now as it was back in 1989, which I hope its not). 

I remember being so tired after a weekend on call that I couldn't get out of the loo for the monday morning ward round as I was crying so much!! Its like your worst ever nights with a newborn, but with responsibilities for life and death all night with no sleep and then you have to function well all the next day, and make it seem like you know what you're talking about which you dont' - the demands on you are relentless, and I coped in my early 20s, not sure whether I would now.

My ec is scheduled for 11am on Monday, and frankly, I'm looking forward to being knocked out! Ds has kept us up most of the night, God knows why - must be teeth. Has anyone had babies with teething at night who are fine during the day? As I speak, he's crawling round the house happy as larry. I gave him some ibuprofen (painkiller) at 12.30am, but he is up again at 6am (and some in between).  I have given birth to a monster !

My tooth is killing me  - I feel like I'm falling apart (Not seriously, but I'm sorely tested at the moment) - will have to get those antibiotics this morning. THe dentist said to check with my ivf dr, but I don't really see any other option as its painful now in the gum/bone above the tooth, meaning an abcess.

The dentist said that the hormones of pregnancy can cause a certain dental bacteria to flourish so I wonder whether its my rapidly escalating oestrogen levels which have brought it on so quickly. I am so angry that it has happened at this time - it like all my healthy eating is just negated with these strong antibiotics, painkiller and infection. My dentist was so lovely about it - I told her all about the ivf and she stayed back for 3 hours just working on my tooth, to get it all done with before my embies are transferred - I've got to go again on Wednesday.

Anyway, enough whinging from me (but I've got no-one else to whinge to )

Love,

Suzy


----------



## CJ

Hi Suzy


suzy said:


> CJ - what's BA and AH?


BA is baby aspirin and AH is assisted hatching , where they use a laser to make a tiny hole in the side of the shell to help it break out.

So sorry to heard your in pain, as if you haven't got enough going on 

My Finley was up last night and most of this morning every (hr to 2 hrs after 12am..really I'm a bit  today) He was screaming , red cheeks , temp etc , we had him in with us for an hr trying to chill him down , and he was furiously biting on his dummy , bending down the teat bit so he could put it in his mouth side ways to chew on it better. Yet thismorning , even though he has had hardly any sleep himself, he has been as bright as a button and happy as Larry , he was fine before he went to bed too. I so hope we don't have a repeat performance . My Mum is coming to stay tomorrow night and has offered to baby sit (first time we have been out without them since 29th of Dec 04! ) so I don't want to have to cancel this one night because he won't settle. My mum has only seen them about 6 times since they were born and they are very clingy and scared of strangers (and my mum is very strange ) so I hope they are both on their best behavouirs

Sorry waffled a bit there, but to answer ques? yes we have probs with teething at night and being fine in the day.

Hi Hun, your so right as much as I say I don't think we will have anything to go back , I can't really believe it as I know I will be gutted if it happens and therefore I'm nowhere near prepared for it to go wrong yet.
Glad dieting is going well (wish I could say the same ) 
Good news about your colposcopy , i have no idea what that is , but having the words "completely normal" in the same sentences sounds good news to me  Great you can start TX again, any idea when that might be, or are you just having some time out, saving or both ?

Love CJ x


----------



## spangle

hello Support Buddies (nice 80's saying)  

Well even though I haven't posted for a few days I always read all the posts. I have had a better week, mum rang and asked to come and see me and dd which was a lovely surprise as that rarely happens and I was feeling so hurt. Then spoke to mum over my sister telling dd off when playing. Have you ever experienced it ? Dd is older than my sisters dd , I was in the room and do not like dd being told off by someone else when I am in the room. It makes me feel Like I am being criticised by how I deal with dd. It is that old feeling of feeling insecure and like everybody else thinks you've got it wrong. Some of you have been talking about this feeling regarding more children. Personally I think there are a lot of mums who just aren't honest like we are and are `professional bull _HITTERS`  (THAT'S MY TERM FOR THEM i FIND THEM IN MY JOB AS i AM SURE MANY OF YOU DO !!) Anyway(oops gone off on one!) then I started to cry on the phone (am feeling very weepy at the moment period is now day  50 and no sign of it ! and said please remember this with sisters baby being due is very hard for me. Mum said they had not forgotten and was really nice I explained how much I was having to pretend to be coping with the situation. She apologized for not making any effort with me. So feel better about things. 

My sister had her baby this morning in the same hospital I had dd in. I am going to see her there this afternoon-am determined to be strong and not cry when anyone is around. DH is not saying much, that is his way of dealing with it and so I am trying not to make him feel worse. Please send me loads of positive vibes to help me cope with this painful situation. 
I have contacted clinic as I am going to set  up a support group and mentioned how it is now 50 days and I have an appointment for Thursday evening-HOORAY I now feel like my next fresh icsi is getting closer !! I e-mailed them and the consulant is so lovely and replied quickly.

Scruffyted-Glad you have joined my club. I have also started going on a short bike ride when dd is at nursery-it's great  to have some time. I hope your x-ray went ok and they can help you get rid of your cough. I am a supply teacher for local Primary Schools, taught full time before dd. Gave up to do supply because it got too difficult to get time off for ivf appointments and did not want people knowing my business. Doing supply now means very rarely do people need to know I have an appointment. I was lucky as summer I gave up fulltime dd came into existence. Not teaching fulltime meant some of the pressure is off regarding appointments. I am soo enjoying time at home when not working , can't believe it is only a year till dd starts school. That is not to say that sometimes being at home is very challenging and harder work than being at school!!!

Cj- so sorry Finley has teething troubles, you must be exhausted. Did you know you can alternate between calpol and Nurofen ? Really hope you get to go out you need it, it is great to get ready to go out-do make up etc- Fingers crossed. Good luck with transfer this week

Suzy- Good luck for Monday-I love the chance of sleeping in the afternoon after ec too. So sorry about your tooth, it is truly vile pain.Hope ds is ok.

Hun-Enjoy pizza express today-yum. Keep up the hardwork with the diet.Of an evening it is so hard not to eat when watching telly. I have been reading on the internet Gillian M's diet ideas-You are what you eat. I am trying some pumpkin seeds and sunflower to nibble on-even though weight watchers give them loads of points. These seeds are good for the reproductive organs !! Am encouraging dh to eat some !

Emma-sending you hugs, being a mum is hard work and  tiring. Let's face it it's not all a bed of roses and as I said earlier in my post we feel so bad feeling like this because too many people are not honest enough to admit it. I am sure you are a fab mum. As a mum life is about juggling things and multi-tasking such a lot. Then we are wives as well !! 

Thanks for the support it's great, I only wish you all were just down the road. 

Oh what is the meeting that was abbreviated that one of you went to- was it a mums and toddler thing or a meeting with other people who had had treatment? Can't remember who posted it about their meeting but I was curious. can't look back now as am scared of losing this post !!

Loads of love , have a great weekend,

Spangle


----------



## Cuthbert

Hi Girls!

Is it OK if I join you here, although I'm not yet cycling? I'm Mum to almost 4 year old twins, Daniel and Charlotte from our first ICSI cycle (and already 'know' CJ). 

We moved house last summer and have finally got an appointment at our local hospital on Monday for an infertility consultation. I was going to ask the nurse that we're seeing (they have no consultant because he's just hastily retired!) if she could refer us for another cycle of ICSI at one if the most local hospitals (I need to do a bit more research into Oxford, Bristol and Bath). I'm working full-time as a primary teacher and have only been in the job since September so it won't be very popular when I need lots of time off; I can see why you're doing what you are, Spangle, but I'm the breadwinner and DH is a SAHD. I think that wherever we go we're going to have to take Daniel and Charlotte with us because I know nobody here to look after them - I don't really like the idea of parading my children in front of people who are struggling for a baby. Have any of you had to do that?

Good luck to Suzy and CJ with your treatment - it's amazing to think that you're so close to transfer, CJ.

Jules


----------



## Hun

Hi Jules and welcome!

I just wanted to give you my thoughts about taking your children to the IF clinic.
I took my little boy along on several occasions on my last cycle, but felt very very conscious that there were people in the waiting room who might be in a heightened emotional state, because i know how I felt when I was there the first few times.  I tried to make sure that we arrived on time for appointments so that we weren't waiting ages, and that I took plenty for him to do to avoid any 'unneccesary disturbance'. If you are conscious of the feelings of others then you are unlikely to be seen as 'parading' you children in front of people. Henry was made quite a big fuss of during the quieter times by a couple of the nurses, and the sonographer who did his 7 week scan - guess its nice for them to see some living proof of the joys their work brings to others. 

The way I see it is:
1) you went through the same as all those other people to have your child/ren - and though you are already a parent you know what they feel better than  most. 
2) Other people in the waiting room might have left their child/ren at home
3) Children are what this whole thing is about. Yours are proof that it can work - and many people find that painful yet inspirational.
4)there is no shame in wanting more - wanting another one doesn't make you any less grateful for what you have already got.

Good luck with your tx!!

Hun xx


----------



## spangle

Hi Jules,
Welcome to this fab thread it is a total God send. I must admit if talking in more detail when i have done or undertaken some work contracts I have had to explain about treatment and heads have been wonderful. I just had a tough time in my first year of treatment because I did not want the head to know owing to a number of reasons , I knew she would not understand my wanting children. I assumed all heads would be like she was and they definately are not, all the rest have been great.

I hope your first year is going well, is your class KS2 or KS1 ? Hope your appointment goes well, I have found a great clinic near me that does appointments at 6;30 and 7 it has made such a difference to childcare arrangements. Maybe some of your appointments will be when the twins are at nursery ? I would totally agree with Hun what she says about you taking them, we help people see light at the end of all the treatment and you also have no choice.

I have seen my sisters baby tonight it was fine I was worried in case I got all upset as it is the same hospital I had dd in, I was fine.

All the best

Spangle
x x x


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## Cuthbert

Thanks girls for the welcome and the advice. It's been really useful.

I don't think that my intro was very clear, Spangle, now that I read it back - I've been teaching for years but only in my current job for 4 months. During our 5 years of trying for a first baby I was at the same school and the Head was fantastic. She'd been unable to have children and was a huge support during all our infertility investigations and treatment - I had no problem having time off. My current Head seemed pretty understanding when I had a week off for my lap and dye in October (I didn't tell him why I was going into hospital) but (he) didn't seem too chuffed when I asked for Monday afternoon off for a hospital appointment so it doesn't look promising for time off for treatment. I've got a Year 1 class at the mo - what ages do you do supply for? It sounds as if you coped really well tonight with seeing your sister's baby; it's such a hurt isn't it? Take care.

Jules


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## scruffyted

Hi girls

Wow - you girls have been really chatting   lovely to see.  Taken a while for me to read and catch up, that will teach me as I normally log on at least once a day but has been DH birthday so been busy-had lovely day. 

Will do personals tomorrow as took so long to catch up it's nearly midnight and I'll turn into a pumpkin!!  

Hi and welcome to Jules, your twins look gorgeous.

Talk tomorrow
Love Scruffyted xx


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Spangle - I'm so pleased that your mum has come round a bit and that is was OK when you visited your sister in hospital. How hard must that have been. You should be proud of yourself.

Cuthbert - hi, welcome to the thread. I take my ds with me whenever I go to the clinic. I do feel awkward sometimes, but at the same time, I can't help feeling proud of him. I agree with Hun as well. Its almost certainly far less painful to see a baby concieved through ivf than a baby who isn't wanted, isn't looked after well and was concieved as a mistake. On Friday when I was in the waiting room, a lady was asking me about my son. She asked whether he was ivf and I said he was. I was very concsious of everyone listening, and felt quite awkward.  She then went on to tell me that she had three girls, the last two were ivf and she was there for her fourth child. I had to smile - she was just piling them up - the more the merrier!! I wonder how the other women might have felt at our conversation though. 

I do think though that just because we had assisted conception, we have every right to every normal feeling on having children, it doesn't make us exempt. So we have every right to want a child, not want another, to have an amnio or not, to have all the negative feelings that come with having children, to have bad days, and to want a girl or a boy (although most of us would be happy with anything).

Scruffyted  to ds - hope you had a lovely day.

CJ - poor you with Finlay. I've had neither baby aspirin or AH. Maybe I should. We'll see how this cycle goes. Ds was only up once last night at 4 and went back to sleep with no attention. Thank you God!!

I'm feeling a lot better now the antibiotics have kicked in. We went out to dinner last night with friends (one of whom is my dentist). I had a lovely time, no alcohol though. Ds went to a friend to babysit him. 

Hi to everyone else,

Suzy


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Hope you all had a nice weekend.

Suzy - wow EC tomorrow that has come round quick!  Wishing you lots of luck and really hope you get a good batch of lovely eggs, are you having blasts then?? How is your tooth now? Sounds like you have a very good dentist/friend there! Glad you had a nice evening out. It was hubby's birthday yesterday not ds but thank you for your birthday wishes he said he is 21 again!!! Sorry to hear ds keeping you up at night, my ds was exactly the same when teething, happy as larry all day, playing etc, soon as in bed  a different boy!!! I found the only medicine that worked for ds was nurofen, don't know if you have it in oz, capol was next to useless! Also we used homoeopathic granules especially for teething babies, they seemed to help for a short while, also the usual bonjela etc. He has come out in sympathy for your tooth.   
Be thinking of you tonight as i think you are 12hrs in front?? so will be having ec while we are asleep?

CJ - How silly am I, can't believe I typed stimming   , had to go back and check as I know you are taking hrt-sorry hunny, what a plonker! Really hope that your lovely embies defrost nicely and they get put back where they belong   . you made me laugh with your post about "half glass etc"   .  Can I ask you did your clinic recommend you take baby aspirin? This has never been mentioned to me but have seen the positive post on other threads regarding taking it. sorry to hear Finlay has been up in the night with his teeth, it's so hard for them as they can't tell you what hurts and you can't make them understand why it hurts. Really hope you got to go out for the evening with your mum babysiting? It does us all good to go out once in a while and be us!

Hun- wow you are doing well on your diet, wish I could say the same   at the moment I keep saying when all the Christmas goodies have gone etc, well they have now, so tomorrow I'll probably think of some other excuse!  So pleased you have got the all clear from your colposcopy, do you think you will have another cycle sooner now? I get the results for my X-ray in about 10days, typical NHS no hurry! Hopefully it won't show anything that it shouldn't!! Still coughing a little but not as much, still can't go to the gym as my ribs are still hurting so much from all the bruising from coughing so much-great not!! Thank you for the invite to your meet, I have replied on the Bourn thread, I would have loved to have come but unfortunately are out on the 22nd, maybe the next one as would love to meet you. We live about an hr and half away from Cambridge (if the traffic is good!!) I'm like you, I always log on to see how everyone is but as not actually cycling at the moment haven't a lot to add apart from my support. (although dh says i can chat for England!)

Tracey - What did the clinic say hunny? Have you got an idea of dates at all?

Spangle-Well done you-firstly on going to see your sister in hospital, it must have been so hard for you my heart goes out to you as i am dreading it all with my sister. Also well done for saying that to your mum, i did say similar to my mum but it fell upon deaf ears as on Friday i spent the afternoon with her and all she talked about was my sister's pregnancy, I found it very difficult to listen all about her sickness and tiredness and how everyone says she is starting to show.....i want it to be me....   My dh is the same as your's, he doesn't say much about my sister only that my family will never understand no matter what we say. That's great that you are setting up a support group, wish i had one near me. Hope your appointment goes well on Thursday, do your clinic stay open late then as you say it is in the evening? I bet you really enjoy your job especially as you are a supply teacher as you aren't full time and can pick and choose, so to speak. I love being a stay at home mum, although it is a hard job. I do book work in the evenings as used to work for an Accountancy firm before ds-funny as i hated maths at school!!

Hi to everyone else.

As for me had a nice weekend, was dh birthday yesterday and we went out for a nice lunch and then had birthday cake when we got home, ds was so excited about daddy opening his presents and blowing out his candles!! Today we have had a lazy day, took ds on his bike to the park and not a lot else. Nice to have day's like that.  Waiting for my blood test results, should be back later in the week, hope they are ok...  
Off to watch child of our time now-anyone else been following it since 2000?

Love to you all
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## suzy

Hi,

Well, got 11 eggs and will see how many fertilized tomorrow - I'm now worried that any antibiotic stuck on my eggs will make them unattractive to dh's sperm 

Scruffyted, sorry about my mistake with your dh birthday . My tooth is a lot lot better, still on the antibiotics, and ds slept all night last night, so things are looking up. We do have nurofen and I've tried it twice and it worked well. I'm glad other peoples babies have night time toothing problems, I was beginning to think I was using medicine unnecessarily.

CJ - fingers crossed for you.

Its pouring down with rain tonight. Dh and I will have a cosy cuddle in bed. Still too muggy to cuddle though, but nice to sleep,

Suzy


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## CJ

Just a quick one, 
Hi Suzy thats a great number of eggs, fingers crossed for tomorrow and you get a great number of embies     

CJ x


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## scruffyted

Hi

Suzy - That's great,   11 eggs well done you.  Fingers crossed they fertilize over night and you get good grade embies or blasts??  . You sound very with it-did you not have a general?? I always feel whacked out after a general anthestic! Enjoy a good night sleep (fingers crossed ds sleeps all night again) I really don't think the antibiotics will have any affect on your embies.  

love Scruffyted xx


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## helenab

Suzy, great number of eggs girl!  Fingers crossed for you tomorrow.  

Will have to read up a bit before  I post but hi to everyone anyway.  

We are off to the Lister on Weds to talk about next cycle - the first one of my NCT friends has just told me she's 4 months pregnant - each time it has taken them a month!  I am genuinely thrilled for her but it does raise those old feelings that I thought I wouldn't have this time!    ..........

must go, Sienna has just gone down for her nap and I have to devise a team building workshop for a client whilst she's asleep!  And, i need to make a casserole for tongith as we have neighbours for supper!  Oh, the joys of multitasking!! 

love Helena
XX


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## Succotash

Hi all,

Goodness, so much to catch up on.

Suzy - well done on your eggs.      Everything's crossed for a great fert report.    Sorry to hear of your dental trouble as well.  Let's hope that it will only be uplifting and positive news from now on. 

Tracey - I think that's a great way to spend your windfall and exactly what I would do.  

Emma - Hope you're getting some rest.  It's very difficult to make decisions and think clearly if you feel exhausted the whole time.  Mmm, Barbados - that would be great!  Maybe a holiday would do you all the world of good. 

Hun - So glad you got the all clear and got it investigated so early rather than having to wait.  A school friend of mine retrained as a doctor in her early 30s and she loves it - she now works part-time as a GP.

CJ - Thanks for sharing your treatment protocol.  Mine is identical except I'm going to have gestone injections this time.  I think my consultant is going for a belt-and-braces approach!  Have you had to have many scans/bloods?  I was running through it in my head and I don't think I'm going to have to make that many appointments, perhaps only 3 or something excluding the transfer.  Hope you're coping OK.  I found waiting for the thaw report excruciating but take heart, all 6 of mine survived.

Scruffyted - Glad your chest infection seems to be going but can't believe you have to wait for 10 days for the results.  Fingers crossed that all is OK.    Your weekend sounded lovely.  I so agree that it's nice to have weekends where you just take it easy and just spend time with DH and DS.  That's what we did this weekend and it was a real tonic.  Are these your CD2 bloodtests you're waiting for or am I getting confused?  I am a bit  at the moment.

Jules - Hello and welcome.  I have taken DS to quite a few of my appointments and the thought of it was definitely worse than the actual experience.  A dear friend did look after him a lot but I 'saved' her time for the day of ET and when I had scans.  If the clinic were running late I just took him for a walk to reduce the amount of time we had to spend in the waiting room.  DS found the whole blood test thing very interesting and wanted to have a plaster on his arm too!  he staff did make a huge fuss of him which of course he revelled in.  Re children in clinics, well I think everyone else has said it so well.  Our clinic actually have a toy corner in the waiting room.  That said I remember being totally horrified the first time I saw a child in the clinic during my first cycle, couldn't believe it.  Then I thought, hey it can and does work.  I did have to strap DS in his pram when I had no option but take him with me when I had a scan once - too many cables that he'd like to unplug.  I bribed him and told him we would have juice and crisps afterwards.    Worked a treat.

I'm doing OK.  Most days are fine but I have some weepy moments.  AF is here which means only one more AF and I can get back on the carousel!  Don't know how I feel about that yet, time will tell.  DS has just started at nursery for 2 afternoon sessions a week and I feel a bit   .  I had thought that I'd be spending this time making baby related plans.  So difficult to reprogramme one's thoughts.

Hope everyone else is hale and hearty, love Succotash.


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Just a quick one from me - tried to get on last night to wish Suzy luck- but our connection was down   :

     Fertilisation dance for Suzy - 11 eggs sounds great - really really really hope that this is the one for you. Take it easy and rest up, and think orange thoughts. Are you going for blasts again? So a maybe friday/ Saturday tf then.

Spangle - Just wanted to say well done on getting through the last week or so with your head held high, and being a supportive sister. These 'trials' are something we have to go through - but it sounds like you coped admirably!  Also really glad that you have made it up with your mum, and are connecting again. 

Succotash- lovely to hear from you sweetie, and glad to hear that you are going again soon. You are one strong lady. Use those two afternoons to pamper yourself and enjoy all the things that there won't be time for anymore in the near future   sending you lots of hugs.

Helena - Good luck for Weds. Will be interested to find out when you are going again - I bet its sooner rather than later!

Scruffyted - lovely to hear from you. Sad I won't get to meet you on Sunday but maybe oneday soon. Glad you are ok and had a nice w/e. Roll on spring though! It just rained and rained here today . Bound to be nice tommorow when I'm back to work. Fingers crossed for a lovely low FSH on those BTs.

Hi to EVERYONE else....

We sold our second car on Sunday - has boosted our IVF savings a little. Will have the PCOS blood tests next week, and a follow up with the consultant after that to decide the plan of action. Now, must go - Henry has not slept all day, the work phones been ringing     (on my only day off!!!!) and I have a gin and slimline waiting for me in the kitchen (only 56 calories!!!!    ). Love to y'all

Hun xxx


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## spangle

Hi all,
Good luck Suzy,
Sounds really good so far, hope your phonecall brings good news about fertilization.
Thinking of you,
love
Spangle.  
Ps What does  nct friend mean? forgive me for being thick x x x


----------



## Hun

Hey Spangle...

NCT is 'national childbirth trust' who ran my antenatal classes (well 2 anyway- the rest got cancelled!!!). We all stayed in touch, and went through the births of our babies together, and still see each other once a week now.

Take care
lots of love
hun xx


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## spangle

Thanks Hun, i thought it was another type of toddler group !! Suppose it is really. That is great mine weren't like that at all, they were called Parentcraft classes !!  Doesn't make it easy though because after so long even at mums and toddlers groups you get the same thing ! Feeling like the odd one out not being pregnant or having a second one. I have got the patter off to a t ! (coming up with made up reasons for why I haven't got a second one !)

Woh -What is corrie like tonight!!

Cheers
love
Spangle


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Just a quick reply before bed....

Succotash - yes it's my cd2 bloods-have you had them done before Bit worried what the results will be, hope it's good news for a change!

Hun-mmmm gin and slimline sounds great!   Started my diet today, will see how long this one lasts  .

Love Scruffyted xx


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone.

Just had the dreaded call...... Got 4 embies. Of my 11 eggs, four fertilized normally, two fertilized abnormally, I had one immature egg and four didn't fertilize. 

I know I'm lucky and its about quality not quantity, but last time we had nine and the time before ten, so I can't help feel a little disappointed.

I think they like to do things a little differently in my clinic after my phone call. I was itching to transfer now at 2-3 days, but they still want to let them "grow out" to determine which is the strongest and fastest growing. She was very positive that at least one would go to blast stage. I think this is partly because in my last two cycles I've had blasts to transfer so they know that some do make blasts.  Hmmmm. She did say that occasionally they transfer on day 3 if they hadn't divided by tomorrow, but then they would still wait the extra day to give them extra time and try and pick the best. 

Anyway, that's me for now,

Suzy


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## Succotash

Spangle - I completely forgot to say on my message yesterday that I was glad to read that you are managing to cope so well with the arrival of your sister's baby.  Here's hoping that it will be your turn next.

Scruffyted -  Last day 2 bloods I had done were back in September.  Fingers crossed for a good result .... does this mean you are going to start cycling soon?

Suzy - Sorry to read of your disappoinment.  And yes, it's quality not quantity and you really just don't know.  My worst cycle for fertilisation was our first - lots of sucking air through teeth by our consultant.  Well our DS was the result of that - a very unpredictable outcome.  I'll be hoping and praying that you have some lovely blasts to transfer.  Everything's crossed for you and keep us posted.  

Regards to all, Succotash


----------



## scruffyted

Suzy - I know you are a little disappointed but 4 is good, as Succotash says it's quality not quantity (although I'd be feeling a little disappointed like you ) but YOU WONT NEED ANY FROSTIES and it only takes one embryo    keep us posted, I'm thinking of you and keeping everything crossed for a good blast or two.

Succotash -We are hopefully going to be able to cycle February or March depending on clinic and bloods etc, also have a few questions for our consultant so i suppose will have to book that and that will be more cost and hold up things a little.

CJ - Got everything crossed for you for tomorrow when they take your snowbabies out of the freezer. Really hope they both defrost nicely and continue to divide.  

Love to all
Scruffyted xx


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## Hun

Hi All

Suzy - it only takes one. Its definately quality that counts - look at my last cycle, 21 eggs, 14 embryos but not a baby in the whole batch!!!
Fingers crossed for some beautiful cell division, and lovely blasts.

CJ - good luck tommorow hun!!!!

Hun xx


----------



## CJ

Hi Suzy, four might not be what you hoped but I'm sure they are strong and healthy and will do the right things and your will be on the 2ww very soon.   
I can understand the clinic thinking in leaving them out a while longer but I can understand you wanting your babies back on board asap. Wishing you loads of   and luck over the next few days.

Hi Scruffyted, thanks for thinking of me , I have been reading through the posts but I'm too nerves to reply properly as I can't concentrate tonight, I feel sick with worry, I just wish I could switch off until they have defrosted them as it's really getting to me now. 
I don't know now if we will get to ET stage so I can't even feel excited, sorry I sound like misery but I'm a half empty girl  Hope your all o.k?

Hi Hun, thanks for the good luck I feel like I need it as I'm all nerves.

I should get a call either tomorrow or early Thursday Am, not sure but last time I got call on on the Wednesday to say some had defrosted and then a call on Thursday to say if any had gone through the night. 

Some how I'll have to try and keep my mind occupied with something else..yea right.
I just don't want it to be all over yet 

Positive thoughts    

Love CJ x


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## suzy

Oh no, Tracey I read that you have gallstones. So sorry you had to go through that. Hope you feel better soon.

CJ - just popped in to wish you good luck for tomorrow. I'm off to the dentist after work tonight, so might not have a chance to log on.
Lots of   to you.

Suzy


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## spangle

Hello,

Tracey- You poor thing hope you feel better soon.

CJ- fingers crossed  for you tomorrow.

Suzy- thinking of you. If it's any consulation I had a poor response and only one embryo tranfered that resulted in dd ! I had given up hope.

Lets hope we all have our dreams come soon because it certainly is a rocky ride with many tears and pain.

Love
Spangle


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## Sue MJ

CJ - Best of luck for tomorrow.  Hoping you have a some lovely snowbabes to put back  

Love,

Sue xxx


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## Clare_S

Suzy and CJ - thinking of your cycles at the moment.

An update from me later

Clare


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## Succotash

CJ - I really feel for you right now.  Wishing you lots of good wishes for today.  Will be thinking about you today.  Succotash


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## helenab

Hi CJ, sending you lots of   for today.
Also thinking of you Suzy and keeping everything crossed.

Hun - good to hear from you.  Hopefully see you and Henry on Sunday!  

How are you feeling Tracey?

Hello to everyone else, Clare, Spangle, Scuffyted...  Hope all is going well.

We went to the Lister today to have a chat etc and came away with a prescription for all drugs for another cycle.  I am not going ahead till Spring but it's good to have it all written out!  felt v odd to be back - not a lot had changed!  The big difference was the use of blastocyst.  Two years ago we had to beg to have blasts and it we were one of the early ones.  Now, they pretty much take everyone there if they have 3 good embies on day 3....  With amazing results - 60% on single transfer and 65% on double transfer....  I just smiled as he spouted on because as we know, stats mean absoultely nothing!!!!!!    Once the hard sell of single transfer was over, we went out for lunch and had a huge glass of wine before jumping on the train and sleeping all the way home.  Not often we both have a day off and Sienna is with our wonderful childminder!

Must got and get ready for bedtime routine for Sienna and then crack on wtih some work as i'm running a workshop in Birmingham for the next few days.

Love Helena


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## scruffyted

Hi

Tracey - you poor thing!!! Hope you get it sorted soon.

CJ- been thinking of you all day, so hope they have defrosted ok and are dividing nicely.  

Helena- glad your appointment went well-wow that's good stats with blasts, we were given 40%! When do you think you will cycle?

Short one from me as feeling very down today  

love Scruffyted xx


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## Clare_S

Scruffyted - a big hug for you


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## Cuthbert

CJ, I hope that things have gone as planned with your little frosties. I've been thinking of you.

Suzy, hopefully your four little embies are doing as they're told and dividing nicely. I only had three embies on our one and only cycle and the two we had put back are now being very noisy upstairs. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Scruffyted, sorry that you're feeling so down. It doesn't get any easier but we're all here to support you.

Helena, your visit to the Lister all sounds very positive. Good luck with it all.

Ooh, Tracey, you poor thing. I hope that the painkillers are easing the pain but not spacing you out too much.

At our appointment on Monday we asked to be referred to Bristol for our next ICSI cycle. The nurse was quite surprised - most people apparently use Oxford - but my Dad lives just outside Bristol so will hopefully be able to have Daniel and Charlotte when we have EC and ET so it makes sense to go with Bristol. And everyone that I've seen on here has been really positive about Bristol whereas I've not heard completely positive things about Bath and Oxford. We've had our blood tests done and are now just waiting for our letter to come through. I haven't told my Head yet because he's mega stressed about another teacher's absence so it's not the right time to ask for time off.

Hi to everyone else.

Jules


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## helenab

sorry you're feeling a bit down today Scruffyted.  Sending you big hugs.

Jules, sounds good about Bristol.  Have heard lots of good reports so good luck.  XX

Lister wasn't so much positive as it just made us laugh.  With all the failed fertilisation, miscarriages etc over the years we decided it is all so unpredictable so I always laugh when people quote stats at me! I think the pressure was being applied (gently) to consider single ET.....

Helena
X


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## Cuthbert

Interesting, Helena. So would you go with a single ET? I'm not keen (but at the back of our minds is our desire for another set of twins because we're a bit scared of how we'd look after a single baby).

Jules


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## spangle

Hello,

Scruffyted-sending you a hug. Sometimes it is so very hard and painful, there seem to be days when things seem so much harder than others. Thinking of you.

Helena- You are so right about stats, although I have changed clinics now it still feels like the stats make little difference to my results. How ever they give me more hope , my change of clinics has given me a more positive outluck and I think it has got to be my turn soon. My clinic has about 50% success rate with blast , their stats are nearly double to where I was before.How ever consultant has said to go back to day 3 transfer as it has worked in the past.Hope you don't mind me asking what is the workshop about in Birmingham ?

Jules-Sounds great about Bristol. I would love to have the chance of twins it must be amazing, for me only having one I can't imagine what it must be like.  I have been teaching today and tomorrow a mixed year group class of R/Y1/Y2 -playground duty and assembly !!.It is great to be with the younger ones. Since doing supply I have found that because I will do the whole age range I have tended to do KS2 more, and even done 2 y6 job shares. It is an amazing experience and I have found I have learnt such a lot. When I was teaching full time my specialism was KS1 and I would have been a bit nervous doing y6 but now I love it !

Will post soon as am seeing my consultant tomorrow night about af not arriving yet and setting up a support group.

Love to all,

Spangle
xxx


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## suzy

CJ - have been thinking of you and hoping you've gone OK. 

Spangle - how pro-active of you to start a support group. Hope your appt goes OK

Helena - the stats given at our clinics in Sydney for blast transfer are 50% of a pregnancy - an average of all women. I'm so pleased you said that they take anyone at the Lister with three day 3 embies, because thats currently what I have and I was getting a bit nervous. Its hard, I know to apply the stats to yourself when you dont' seem to be doing what the stats say you should.

Cuthbert - what do you mean by "scared of how we'd look after a single baby"? Good luck for Bristol.

Scruffyted - sorry you've been feeling down. Hope things get better soon.


Well, my four embies are now three 6-8 cell embies on day 3 and they are STILL wanting to grow them to blast, which I've agreed to but have reservations about. I spoke directly to the embryologist and my doctor and both advised to do this. I figure that they are both in the business of getting me pregnant with no ulterior motive other than making their success rates look good,  so I'm going with it. 

My dr said I could expect to have at least one blast for transfer on Saturday. I must say, its more nerve wracking than previous cycles, where I had more embryos. The thing is, I don't believe that every embryo that makes a baby would've grown to blastocyst if left in a petri dish. The embryologist said that if I have none make it to blast, then I can assume that even if I'd have transferred at day 3, then I would never have got pregnant because the embies wouldn't have had it in them - I'm not sure this is true and she said that it had never been properly studied.  My doctor said that the "drop off" in losing embies comes at fertilization and then between day 4 and 5 ie between morula and blast stage.

I'm all confused and just hoping and going with what they say as they are in the business - but they are also very much against twins. In Australia here there has been quite a bit of publicity favouring single embryo transfer to avoid the pregnancy complications of twins. Most clincs now see single blast transfer as being ideal. 

I can see where they're coming from - it must be hard as a doctor to wear it when you have sanctioned multiple transfers and yoru patient who then gets pregnant with twins then has complications of pregnancy, or babies with problems or fetal deaths. They must feel responsible in some way. But on the other hand , few have experienced the desparation that goes with infertility.

Anyway, enough rambling on,

Suzy


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

CJ-any news hunny??  

Tracey-That's great news, so pleased you can cycle again soon, hope your op goes ok, keep us posted.

Suzy-thinking of you, it must be sooo hard waiting each day, I don't know how I would be, a nervous reck I would think.  Really hope you get at least one blasts, more would be great. I'm like you, not convinced they are not better in the womb?? But the dr's are the experts I suppose.

Just got my bloods back from GP, they are higher than what I expected -my FSH is 9.1 (I'm nearly 34??!!) and my LH is 6.2, my Gp said these were good but I've read anything under 6 is good??  Forgot to ask her if me being on antibiotics and unwell would have effected it -what do you think girls?? made me feel even more down and upset, just can't stop crying or snap out of it!!   

Love scruffyted xx


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## Succotash

Suzy - I was interested to read your thoughts on blasts and also SET.  I'd be positively hysterical in your shoes, you sound remarkably chilled!  It appears that, without doubt, blast transfers result in higher pg rates than 3ds do, it's the getting to blast stage that's the potential pitfall.  The unanswerable question is would a 3d that didn't make it to blast in the lab make it to blast in the body?  Our embryologist's answer to that question is 'possibly'!  No help whatsoever!  She then goes on to site the number of times she's seen quite poor embryos replaced on day 3 go onto to produce healthy bouncing babies.  It's a difficult one.  

My clinic's basic stance does seem to be it is better to transfer on day 3 than risk having nothing to transfer on day 5 as no transfer means no chance.  Hence their requirement for 8 x 8-cell embryos on day 3.  Quite a tall order!  I must ask our embryologist what % of their transfers are blasts.  I will be guided by her on what to do with our motley crew of embies for the FET.  I am sorely tempted to say just go for it and take the 3ds to blasts.  BUT I know I will be gutted if none make it and we have no transfer.  Not to mention the anxiety of waiting for 48 hours to find out.  Your clinic must be really confident that you will have at least one blast to transfer or they wouldn't be doing this.   

It is probably only a matter of time before SET becomes the norm over here as the HFEA are pushing for it - I do think though that standards need to be raised across all clinics so that everyone has an equal chance.  Some clinics success rates are dreadful - 15 to 20% whereas the top ones are 45 - 60%.  None of the press or government has really come out and said that a factor driving this is the increasing cost of NICU care to the NHS, and of multiples in particular.  It's all couched as, oh we are so concerned about the health of the mothers and their babies.  My BIL is an insurance broker in the City specialising in medical insurance.  He informs me that the cost of insuring against premature birth is going up and up.  This is also the reason why children born as a result of IVF are routinely excluded from standard personal and corporate health insurance schemes for the first 90 days after birth.  BIL said that the average cost for 24 hours in NICU is about £10k per 24 hours per baby!  So on a purely fiscal level I can see where the government are coming from but I just don't think we're good enough at IVF yet in this country for SET to be workable.  And most of us pay out of pocket for it anyway.  What's the situation over in Aus?  Is IVF subsidised by the Govt or is it free?  DH thinks that IVF expenses should be tax deductible!

Sorry to ramble ..

Scruffyted - It's a shame that we don't live closer as we could be miserable and weep together which would surely cheer us up!  I could bring my banana cake (yum, yum).  I don't think your FSH is too high.  I'm no expert on this but as far as I can gather when FSH is >12 then it can indicate that response to stims may be poor.  Some clinics do have a cut off of 10 and others 12.  Don't panic sweetie, you are not hurtling towards menopause ...OK!  Plus it can vary widely from month to month.  You've been very run down for a few months now with your chest, so the stress involved in that may have affected your levels.  I've read that stress can effect all our homones.  Acupuncture is supposed to be good at regulating hormones.  As for snapping out of it, you know sometimes, that is just where we need to be.  I'm taking DS into Kingston when he wakes up and we are going to buy daddy a new alarm clock.  Not terribly exciting but we'll go to John Lewis and have coffee, cake and juice and DS can look out of the floor-to-ceiling windows at all the buses, something he loves.  Then I'll feel really brave and let him out of the pram to walk around the shop for a while with me.  Then I'll deeply regret it when he breaks free and heads for the escalator or throws himself on the floor.  Then I'll feel really stressed but at least I won't have thought about IVF for at least an hour and a half.  Deep joy!

CJ - I'm hoping that you've had your transfer and are taking it easy with your feet up.  Thinking of you.  

Crikey, gone off on a few tangents.  Big hello to everyone else.  Must get some ironing done before DS is awake. 

Succotash


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## Hun

Hi girls

Just a quick one as i am at work.

CJ - hope your absence is a good sign, and things have gone to plan. Otherwise you may have gone to ground....really hope its good news. You are in my thoughts.

Scruffyted - sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You have been quite ill though - so give yourself time to get over it. Big hugs to you sweetie.

Tracey - sorry to hear about the gall bladder stuff, but definately better to get it fixed before cycling again - you don't want a pg in pain like poor Dee with Freddie. Hope that all goes well.

Helena- really glad all went well at Lister. Their stats are much better than BH, but they don't say anything about blasts in them, and if they are doing as many cycles as you say, you'd hope they had some decent data to publish by now? anyway...look forward to chatting with you on sat, I have been having a few thoughts about changing clinic but DH is not keen.

Spangle- hope youre ok sweetie. 

Suzy - poor you with all that waiting. I am praying that you have two beautiful blasts by Friday. Its so hard knowing what to do. I was interested to hear your thoughts about blasts, and I have to say, I think there are lots of pros and cons of conventional day 2 v blast, and I am not sure clinics always give you the full picture. At the time i was waiting for my embies to turn into blasts, I sourced a really interesting article via the net, that basically said that blasts wasthe way to go, and there had been lots of financial incentives for clinics in not pushing this further sooner - e.g the cost of a full cycle + day 2 tf + freezing + several FETs was a fairly lucrative process for them. I'll try and find the link when I get home if you are interested. Pretty cynical I know - but maybe true and it certainly made sense to me.

However, I feel it is absolutely impossible that - in these fairly early days of blastocyst - an artificial media has been created that can do everything and provide the exact balance of nutrients that would be experienced by an embryo in the fallopian tubes and on reaching the endometrium. Since my failed cycle- and being told that the batch of eggs was immmature and there were probably none that would have been capable of making a baby, I've been interested in finding out more about the egg maturation process, and have been quite astonished by what a delicate balance of hormones and nutrients the egg recieves during its time in the corpus luteum, and how little is actually known about the process. Development of the embryo to blastocyst has got to be pretty similar in terms of the complexity of the process. Just because a media 'supports' blasts, I am extremely doubtful that some of the subtleties of the various biochemical signalling processing are recreated, and this may not favour embryos that, for whatever reason need a little extra help.  I am not sure whether there has been any research or could ever be a way of finding out whether embryos that wouldn't have made to blast it in vitro, would have done in vivo - I asked our consultant this before we did our last cycle but got a pretty vague answer - without the use of cloning it would be impossible I guess?

Anyway, unless you are at the cutting edge of this research, I think that we can only believe what the consultants tell us - and we know that the agenda of the clinics at the moment is always going to include political pressure regarding SET, financial issues e.g. profit made from an average patient, and how their stats appear. We will maybe give blasts another try (can you imagine how much time and money we might have spent with nice looking 14 embies on day 2, on following FETS etc - only to get a neg at the end of it?). But we will never know whether with the help of my body, there might have been a baby in that batch of embies. So if our next try of blasts is unsuccessful, I feel tempted to go back to day 2 tf.

I feel better for getting all that off my chest - even if it is just a jumble of incoherent thoughts, as thinking about the whole thing does bother me quite alot. Suzy - I am sure that your clinic have your best interests at heart, and I pray that this is the right time for you. fingers crossed for lovely blastocysts ready to snuggle in tommorow.

Sorry i have gone on so much - OMG    I have just looked at my watch!!!!!
Hun xx


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## Hun

Succotash - our posts crossed. 
What a couple of rambling gossips we are   ......we'll be putting everyone off this thread with too much verbosity 

Sorry all   Hun xxx

P>S pass the banana cake will you?


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## emma73

Hello - super quick one from me to say that I am wishing both CJ and Suzy well, and am looking forward to haring about some more BFP's in a cople of weeks!!

Emma xxx


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## CJ

Hi girls, your all so kind to be thinking of me, sorry only just getting around to posting now, I did have ET this afternoon, yippee!  We found out thismorning that 1 of the 2 frosties made it, but to be honest I thought we wouldn't get any so I'm more than happy wth that,
It lost a cell yesterday in the thaw but grew it back over night and by the time we got to ET at 3.20pm it was a 6 cell, and they said it was showing the right signs, so we have got our fingers crossed and now we wait.

I got on the 2ww yea!!     

I'll do a proper post tomorrow

Love CJ  (and little preston..well it's got to have a name  )xx


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## Succotash

CJ - I am so so chuffed that you made it to transfer.  Lots and lots of good wishes and the sincere hope that little Preston will be showing up as 2 pink lines!   

Love, Succotash


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

CJ - yippee      so glad you made it to transfer, so pleased for you, sounds like a little fighter to me.   Are you a "rest" girl or "carry on as normal"? Whens your test date.  

Succotash-Thank you for your message, I am very concerned and wanted your opinion, does it mean that as my FSH is on the higher side i will have a poor response to the drugs? As on my last tx i was on the maxium dose as didn't respond well but went on to have 10 eggs - I guess that's why they have asked for my day2 bloods to be done. Also do you think it is worth having them re-tested next month as we won't be phoning clinic until day 1 (which will be second week of Feb or there abouts) will it have gone down at all as another month on from my chest infection etc? I'm glad you mentioned Acupuncture, I have a session booked for tomorrow, i have found a local lady that sounds lovely, she doesn't specialise in IVF or the German protocol but has treated some IVF ladies and seems very up on what is good etc...we will see. I thought it would be far less stressful going to see her then travelling to someone who specialises in IVF-who knows may change my mind if doesn't work out.  Hope you had a lovely afternoon, I often take a wonder round the shops with ds to keep my mind of tx but as ds is now 3 and half and being male(!) he'd rather not! Would love some of your banana cake sounds very yum...wish we lived closer.

Hun-I don't know about anyone else but I really enjoy reading everyone's opinions on things no matter how long the post's are....I agree with you and feel very mixed up as to what to do re blasts or not! I also think that with blasts if they don't work they get another full cycle of money (much more than a FET) maybe I'm also cynical but I feel at the end of the day although all clinic's want you to achieve a pregnancy and good stats they are a business and all business's are to make money. I too am thinking of changing clinics as bh stats are not as good as they used to be but having said that I feel we owe them one last go.

Love to all
Scruffyted xx


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## suzy

I'm all over the place at the moment, and feeling quite upset and hopeless.

Just got todays dreaded phone call. Now apparently we have 6 embies. .  How we had 4 and now have 6 on day 4 I don't know. She said that when eggs fertilized, they look unfertilized for a while, then look fertilized for 12 hours and then look unfertilized again. Still, on days 2 and 3, we had four and now we have six. (maybe some rogue embryos from someone elses dish sprouted legs and jumped into ours )

The bad news I think is that only one is where it should be, at morula stage. Out of the others, we have one 8 cell, one 10 cells, both of which are a bit behind and three that are going nowhere and are stuck at four cells. The frustrating thing is that she was not really negative about it, but didn't give me any idea what to expect. She said its quite possible that I'd have a blast by tomorrow. Last time we had 7 morulas and only one made it. I think that in each batch of eggs/embies they are looking for the "lead" or best one, and you might have one that's going to make a baby and another crap one or 50 crap ones, none of which have any potential. The latter seems better in the early stages of growth as there are more. And that one that we have might be our baby, but I just feel so despondant as nothing seems to be going right in this cycle, what with my tooth and then the low fertilization, adn the blast issue.

Thats enough of a rant for now. I honestly think I've got too much time on my hands.

Suzy


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## Bels

New Home this way ....

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,46345.0.html


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