# Can you stay friends with ttc buddies who have moved on?



## L_ouise (Sep 23, 2010)

Hi ladies, I've got a bit of a dilemma and don't know what to do.

Basically, I have a couple of friends that I made when we had ttc in common and over the years we've met up several times and pretty much stick to that topic.

Then one started adopting and the other got pregnant and it was fine.

Now one has a baby and the other has a tot and I was thrilled for them, honestly, really chuffed.

In my mind I was telling myself that if I conceived that the resulting baby would still be in the same school year but the thing is that, unfortunately, that time has past and I am left wondering what I have to contribute to conversation. My situation is boring!

Then I'd have to endure the baby/mummy talk...

Don't get me wrong, I do have mummy friends but I'm more like an aunt so can enjoy the kids more.

I've been invited to another meet up and I'm just full of dread and maybe a little resentment that they have moved on and I'm still in exactly the same place. It's not about them having kids but I'm just wondering if you think the friendship is unrealistic and I should just draw a line under it or if I should force myself to go and see if I feel better... although I'm fairly sure I won't.

What do you reckon? xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

it's hard isn't it? 
When it was me in your situation, I tended to stay away from those sorts of get togethers. I found it hard to listen to all the baby talk and like you mention, I felt as if I was somehow left behind and stuck whereas they had moved on. I tried one once and it just made me sad, so I stopped going. We stayed in touch via FF and/or ******** but I tended not to meet up with them face to face - certainly not in a group. 
Now that I have been lucky enough to have my boys, we meet up face to face again and it's great 
So perhaps you could stay in touch virtually, but just not meet up right now, and in time you will hopefully find that your circumstances change and you want to meet up again
Best of luck, take care, 
Suitcase
x
PS hope you don't mind me posting when I do already have kids, but it took me a long time to get here and I remember all too well how hard it was to feel like the one who was left behind


----------



## NinjaSparkles (Nov 6, 2012)

I'm in a similar sort of position to you really, I became good friends with a group of women when we were all struggling with TTC. Now there is just me still to get that elusive bfp, the others are all very close to having their babies and I'm going nowhere fast because the doctors can't find a reason for our infertility so won't offer us any help or treatment. I'm so happy for these ladies but it is difficult when the conversations tend to be about nurseries, cots, prams etc - I do feel excluded because I have no reason to join in. 
I think in your situation, if you feel meeting up would be difficult then it might be best if you didn't, for now. Would you be able to explain to your friends that it would just be too hard for you at the moment?I think suitcase's advice is great, stay in touch virtually and in the future things may (hopefully will!) change and you won't feel like you've been left behind.


----------



## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi

I think the advice that Suitcase and Ninja have given is what I'd say too.  It's very sad but if you are having feelings of dread re the next meet up (which is understandable) then it's probably best to take a back seat for a while to gather your thoughts.  Given that they've been in the same situation in the past, and experienced the same emotions I'm sure they'll understand if you say you're not able to go.  As the others have said, you can still remain friends via FF etc, therefore at a 'safe distance' and that way you can be in control of what conversations you do or don't join in on, whatever you feel comfortable with   xx


----------

