# What is the best thing to do?



## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

I'm after advice because I can't decide what to do despite having asked people that I know.  I've even mentioned it to a doctor and she listened and suggested that perhaps I could work with children.  However, I've tried that in the past and it made me very emotional.  I'm 49 and childless and didn't think I would end up in this situation at this age.  I thought I would have sorted out my problems by now.  I've tried to accept my situation because of my age but the thing is, I haven't been able to accept it and now I'm approaching 50, I'm more stuck than before.  I'm the type of person that is afraid of doing the wrong thing and then end up doing nothing and regretting things.  I try to think of other people who are around my age and childless and even that doesn't really help.  Then, I read about people having children naturally at my age and I think that if it happens to some people naturally, then surely it's acceptable to try and have a child at my age.  I would like to be able to do something about it.  I'm thinking about embryo donation but I'm anxious about not really being able to afford it but because of my age, I have to really think about doing something now.  

Well, I thought I would ask and see what type of replies I will get.


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

i would get all basic bloods checked. iron,  vit d, thyroid,  thyroid antibodies, and APA's glucose tolerance test amongst others. then i would check ojt serum athens for embroya adoption/donation. serum accept you until 51st birthday. i would chrck out cyprus clinics (i think) as they dont have age limits (i think) and i would break down my finances and go for it. 
also  heck out morgannas thread for the over 50's. there will be lots of good advice on there. think you'll find it in the over 40's section. 

Above all, breathe and look forwards. 2016 could be your year  

Jade


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I agree go for it.  Why live with regrets!  My gorgeous boys are nearly 15 months old and I'm closer to 50 than 40.
TCCx


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

I also say go for it! There are clinics that accept women who are 50 or over. I am 50 and single and I had twin girls in July.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Tincancat said:


> I agree go for it. Why live with regrets! My gorgeous boys are nearly 15 months old and I'm closer to 50 than 40.
> TCCx


I think it's the age and the financial issue that's making me put things off. I'm worried about making the wrong decision.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

jdm4tth3ws said:


> i would get all basic bloods checked. iron, vit d, thyroid, thyroid antibodies, and APA's glucose tolerance test amongst others. then i would check ojt serum athens for embroya adoption/donation. serum accept you until 51st birthday. i would chrck out cyprus clinics (i think) as they dont have age limits (i think) and i would break down my finances and go for it.
> also heck out morgannas thread for the over 50's. there will be lots of good advice on there. think you'll find it in the over 40's section.
> 
> Above all, breathe and look forwards. 2016 could be your year
> ...


My siblings are younger than me and had their children around 7 to 18 years ago. I'm worried about people talking about my age and that sort of thing. I also have to think about the financial situation.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Clara Rose said:


> I also say go for it! There are clinics that accept women who are 50 or over. I am 50 and single and I had twin girls in July.


I hope you don't mind me asking how you cope as a single mother and if your age has ever been an issue with other people? I'm really struggling with knowing what to do because I'm not getting any encouragement from people that I am closest to. I almost feel embarrassed about bringing it up.


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## Maggiephatcat (Feb 21, 2010)

I'm going to come across sounding quite tough now, I don't mean to.

You've been posting for a few years now asking the same thing and you still don't seem to be any further forward or taking any of the advice you've been offered. You need to ask yourself Whats really stopping you. If it's just the fear of what others think, to hell with them, it's your life and nothing to do with anyone else.

Have you seen the over 50's thread? There are some fabulous inspirational ladies on there, many of whom are going it alone.

You have nothing to loose and so much to gain.

You really need to decide one way or the other. Life is too short for regrets.

Here's a link to ththe Over 50's thread:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=326711.560

Maggie x


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

I think that it's a bit of everything.  My partner not been as keen as myself because he already has children.  Then, there is the finances involved in affording the treatment and the anxiety that I might not be the right type of person to become a mother.  I think that perhaps I shouldn't bother but the problem is that the depression is worse and I'm already regretting not doing something about my situation.

I do need to decide and I've had some great advice in here but I suppose I feel alone in having to go through with it.  I'm not getting encouragement from people I know to go ahead with this.


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## Wishings15 (Mar 27, 2015)

There are loads of women single and having donor sperm or donor embryo.
If your partner doesn't want to, then you go ahead and do it? 
What do you have to lose. I've got social anxiety and did have depression.
All you can do is read some good books and make a decision. It will be you looking for funds, travelling abroad.
Be strong, ask the right questions. 
The art of happiness by the d lama helped me with my depression loads. But you have to want to do it. 
I've no close family and lost most of my friends because they got pregnant, but, sorting your own self and doing what you want is most important.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

wishingonastar15 - I also have social anxiety and I try very hard to overcome it.  When I was younger I used to pretend I was confident because I thought by pretending I would become confident.  It's never happened and it's one of the reasons I put off trying to have children until my 40's and now I have to decide what to do about my situation.


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

Hi adviceplease...It's busy with twins on my own but I have wanted this so much, for so long, and I am determined to enjoy my babies. It was very hard at first, especially the sleep deprivation, however the girls are now sleeping through the night and this has made a big difference.

No my age has never been an issues. No one has ever mentioned it. I am fit and healthy anyway, I wouldn't have had these babies if I had not been. If anyone has an issue with my age well that's their problem, not mine!


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Clara Rose - Appreciate you replying and it sounds like you are doing well.  Can I ask if you work full-time or part-time and if so, how you work around it?


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Hi *adviceplease* motivate to fulfill yr dream by telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/switzerland/12081475/Billionaire-Swiss-businesswoman-expecting-twins-at-the-age-of-53.html

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

hello advice please,

I tend to agree with magpiechat, if you have been asking this quesion back and forth for a while, if you and your Partner are not agreed, if you have concerns and worries about being a mother or what kind of mother you will be, how you will afford to bring up a child, work/not work, confidence, anxiety issues then perhaps you are not entirely resolved about the decision.

I dont mean to say all of us just have everything sorted - far from it! But maybe you owe it to yourself, your Partner and potential LO to give some time and energy to focusing on these doubts you have. What about seeing a therapist? Talk through your need/dream to have a child and what it will bring to you and visa-versa.

There *IS* still a window for you to have a baby, yes its getting smaller, it is for us all - focus on what you can control, what is in your power. worrying about what people think is a waste of your time and energy; we cant change that, and to be honest I think we would be surprised just how little other people think of us anyway.

Contact a clinic or two, research the options, costs and timings. 
Get yourself in the best possible health, mentially and pysically
Talk to your Partner if you want them to be a part of this journey

i wish you all the best and hope you find the right answer for you - good luck


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Hi adviceplease  = sorry you're having such a tough time - I totally understand how you're feeling, but I agree with Maggie and chooshoos - maybe you need to take some time to see a counsellor to work through  your issues, otherwise if it did happen for you, all the doubts would come flooding out again. I decided to go it alone and had IVF with double donation - I'd got to 45 with no Mr Right on the horizon and decided that if I didn't act then, I'd regret it all my life. On my 3rd cycle, I got a BFP - the most amazing day of my life - and now have a beautiful 18 month old son who I adore totally. I'll be honest - it is hard - managing a little one all on my own. I work part time and it's difficult juggling childcare, but it is possible. The time I spend with my DS is wonderful - he's so beautiful, giggly, adorable .. I can't imagine life without him. I'm currently undergoing another cycle to try for a sibling with my frosties so it is possible to juggle! I just think you need to get some support and make a decision one way or another as it's eating you up. You could try setting out pros and cons on paper. I was 46 when I became pregnant and was 47 when I gave birth. If this cycle works, I'll be 49 when I have the baby and I know some people might have issues, but I think s--- them! Medical professionals were fine - didn't have adverse comments. Family have not had issues, and I was worried about work colleagues, but they all embraced my news with great enthusiasm and some have been asking if I'm going ahead with no 2! Ignore the media - it's nothing to do with anyone else but you! I realise I might have issues with DS in future about my age, but I'll deal with it then. All he knows now is I'm his mummy and he loves me! My pregnancy was absolutely fine - I am thankfully pretty healthy and look after myself.
clara - congrats on your beautiful daughters!


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

*deblovescats* enjoy yr pregnancy


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

Hi adviceplease...sorry I have taken so long to reply, I'm very busy with the girls! To answer your question, no I don't work at the moment, I am planning to go back to work eventually, however I have waited so long for these babies that I want to be able to enjoy them. It's hard but I just about manage!

Thanks deblovescats (I love cats too)! Good luck with your upcoming cycle.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Thanks to everyone that's replied.  I asked to see a therapist last year at the doctor's surgery and said that I would prefer to see a female counsellor but they only had male counsellors.  I went to see him but for some reason, he wasn't that helpful about talking about this desire.  We kept going back to my childhood and he would talk more about the social anxiety and how it affected me.  I'm really finding this difficult and I know I keep asking the same things but I really have no one that I can talk to that would support this desire that I have.  I mention it to my partner and he isn't very helpful really about talking about it.  I've always been regarded as shy by the people where I live and I think they would be shocked if they knew.  My family tend not to be very encouraging and they probably hope I won't do anything about it.  I'm sorry if I'm always asking the same thing but I don't know of anyone in my part of the country that has had a child at this age and it makes me feel very lonely.  On the otherhand, I can't seem to accept the fact that I'm childless and I'm worried about regretting that too.


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Adviceplease,

If you would like, I could PM you with some recommendations for counsellors who could really help you.  Not sure what part of the country you are in?

Just let me know.

Daisy xxx


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

daisyg said:


> Adviceplease,
> 
> If you would like, I could PM you with some recommendations for counsellors who could really help you. Not sure what part of the country you are in?
> 
> ...


Thanks, I've pm'd you.


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