# Help writing about "why this child?"



## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

We have selection meeting today, really nervous even though SW's said it was just a paper exercise....But to kill some time/keep my mind busy, while i wait to hear, i'm trying to get ahead of the game & start thinking about the paperwork we will have to do for matching.

As far as we have been made aware, we will need to do some questionnaire type thing, plus a piece on why we think this child is the right match for us....SW has told us to write this "from the heart" rather than in our usual and more comfortable business style.....This is a difficult one, i know the reasons in my head, i mean i know the feeling i get when i think about him but its all about "feelings" which i'm not great expressing. I know when i first looked at his picture i fell in love, but not sure how to write this without sounding soppy & like someone whose decision is more fantasy than reality/thought through.

What did other people put...obviously not asking for anything too specific.... Is it ok to say i was struck with how he looked similar to DH and surprising like a biological child/the child i have always had in my head/dreams?


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Sorry I can't help at the moment. But I will certainly be keeping an eye on this thread we we need to answer this very question in the next few days xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi Honey.

I'd edited our statement to removes names and places etc. But I'm happy for you to have a look. We found the easiest way was to write a list of the things that had drawn us to Little Pea... Personality, Location, Appearance etc and then beef it out into statements.

***

We believe we can provide a loving and nurturing family and home for Little Pea. From reading his CPR and foster carer report we know he has a similar personality to us both, being funny & quirky. We are a lively and active couple who enjoy spending time outside exploring our local area. Our home is very close to a large public park with a large play area, sports facilities and a cultural centre. It is also very central to the town and seafront.
JesP has a cousin with autism and a friend with an autistic son, which would allow us to explain to Little Pea his birth father and brother's condition in a factual and sympathetic way.
We are willing and able to except uncertainty with regards to Little Peas's future development and potential medical issues. We will support him in achieving his own personal best, whatever that may be.
There is a family connection to the surrounding area of The Moon as JesP's father was born and raised in A Crater. We would encourage Little Pea to visit the area when he's older.
Little Pea would have a cousin, Casper who is 4 weeks older than him. We have a close relationship with Doughnut (Mr Jesp's brother) and his wife Sprinkles. They form a major part of our support network, and the hope is the Little Pea would have a friend in Casper who can grow up with him. Doughnut & Sprinkles would also be Little Peas's testamentary guardians.
We have a family history of adoption. Mr JesP has two cousins who were adopted as babies. Their adoptive parents were also open about their adoption and as such, both of them have a firm sense of identity. JesP's own mother was adopted, however this was a closed adoption and having seen the after effect, we understand the importance of being open with Little Pea about his adoption. We will support him with his life story work and maintaining contact with his birth family throughout his life.
We have a strong support network that comprises of family and friends. Our Agency offer excellent post-adoption support which includes Sparkles; a fortnightly parent and child (0-4) nurture group for adopted children and their families. We have also found support from the other families from our prep course.


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Jesp......thanks so much for this, its really helpful to see examples.....hope you don't mind if i steal a bit


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Just got the call.......officially selected......now just the small matter of matching panel    My heart is in my mouth.....i'm getting a son x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Woop! That's the best call you'll ever get!

Feel free to 'borrow' what ever bits you need.

Have they said when Mp will be?


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi Jesp, 


Nothing is finalises yet re MP dates, think they are still co-ordinating diaries as my current SW is leaving at end of week and new SW couldn't attend the meeting today so my new SW & LO's SW haven't actually met yet. But it had been previously mentioned they would aim for end of Jan, then it was moved to first week of feb. Only problem then is that FC has a birth child & they won't do intros during half term which will delay intros by an extra week.....i've been impatient all the way through this process, but now i seriously want to bring my LO home asap!!!


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

Congrats, Everhopeful! Hope everything goes well for you. I'm watching this board in case we are ever asked to do something similar. Still early days for us though. JesP that is a great statement. Will definitely come back to look at it again. Don't you just love all these written tasks!


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Ever, sweetheart, I'd start by saying, "the first time we saw the photo, we fell in love."  

If that's how you feel, why are you afraid of sounding soppy?  What does it matter?    You can back it up with all the practical stuff and lay out how you seem similar and you're sure you can meet their needs, but from experience matching panels want to see evidence of 'claiming' - that moment that your heart says, "MINE!" about a child and they are not at all worried about soppy.

Congrats on your link and good luck!


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

I agree with AoC... If you want to speak from the heart then do so... Who cares if it sounds soppy. But your SW will read it first so I'm sure if they have an issue they'd let you know.

xx


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

This was ours, with some details altered for identity reasons:

We are committed, married couple who can offer a warm, loving, caring and supportive home for Lionboy, creating a loving family for him to develop and grow in.

We have a fantastic and vast support network of family and friends on whom we can call for help when needed and to give sound advice that we will take on board as appropriate. All of our extended family and friends are supportive of our wish to adopt, many of whom have young children, including a number of people who have themselves adopted. They all understand that the needs of an adopted child may differ from their own children and are ready and willing to welcome Lionboy.

We have both experienced positive parenting role models in our own parents, and both of us having siblings that are very different in personality and attitude to ourselves. We appreciate both sets of parents for their commitment to treating everyone as individuals and catering to our unique needs.

We both have good child care experience and have engaged in lots of research on the needs of adopted children and specifically those needs Lionboy may have in the future, based on his past history.

We both truly value learning through experiencing the world around you as well as school based and will do our best to help lionboy explore and enjoy learning. We also enjoy travelling and will ensure that we explore Lionboy’s Mars heritage by visiting Mars, where we have use of a friend’s country cottage, as well as exploring the Martian language, in which ArrowsDH is fluent.

Arrows is very musical and given Lionboy’s current interest in musical toys will encourage him if this is an interest he wishes to pursue in the future. 
We understand the importance of being able to accept Lionboy for who he is, his interests and stage of development.

We feel a great deal of empathy for BM’s situation and the circumstances that have resulted in his being taken into care. We feel we have a strong support network in the LAs involved, along with Arrows’ relative (who is a Family placement social worker) to help inform lionboy, in an age appropriate manner, his life story.

We understand there is developmental uncertainty due to factors prior to birth and parentage that may impact on Lionboy’s development and behaviour in the future.


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi Arrows, that's really helpful - thanks so much for sharing. x


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## EverHopefulmum (Sep 23, 2009)

Thanks to everyone who replied on this thread. With your help we managed to write something "from the heart".....as mentioned this is not easy for us (not because we are emotionless people, just that we tend to err on the side of fact and logic rather than touchy feely things!


As we were so nervous about it first we sent it to our adoption counsellor to see what she thought....she said it was so touching she could feel our excitement and panel would have to be deaf dumb & blind not to approve us. Good start, but sometimes SW see things very differently to the average guy on the street....but we plucked up the courage & yesterday we sent it to our SW for feedback.



Such a relief that she has told us it's really lovely and heartfelt and really hit the spot...she is a women of few words, so this meant a lot....just hope the panel think so to! 


I couldn't have done it without you guys, thanks from the bottom of my heart. I have know people for years who haven't given me a 10th of the support i get here. I hope everyones dreams come true.....& soon x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

*high five*  You did it!


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