# I'm fed up



## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Sorry this is going to be a whinging post but need to get it off my chest!

I am fed up with waiting!  We were approved in October for 2-3 children and our SW has been telling us all the way through that she thinks we would be snapped up and have a quick match, but I just can't picture it ever happening!  We have had two sibling group possible links where both children's social workers were very interested in us, but we just felt they weren't right.  Since then nothing!  Before we were approved it seemed that in CWW and Be My Parent there was loads of sibling groups we would be interested in and now there are none we are interested in.

To make matters worse my boss is acting like I could be leaving at any  moment!  I have explained that these things take time and I still might be at work this time next year but every time she plans a meeting she is asking if she thinks I'll still be there, today she even asked if I would still be there on Feb 28th!

I honestly feel that it is NEVER going to happen for us, I just can't visualise it.

Moan over, thanks for bearing with me.

Princess Monica


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Aww Monica hugs  
Rant away get it off your chest ;-)

I'm completely fed uP just now but for v diff reasons. They do say this is the worst time but look on the positive - u have approval and 2 possible links. Whilst it's nice if SWs to say these things sometimes u just want them to manage your expectations better and not raise too much hoPe iykwim!!
Hope that's not too negative sounding.
Hopefully it's all about to happen (NY slow down doesn't help) but use us tO vent in the meantime 
Luv Gerte x


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## Pinky3 (Jul 30, 2008)

PM - i totally know what you mean about work - we have only just been approved.  i have been in my new job for 4 months and had to get a reference from my boss after 2 months - he is NOT happy    

Hopefuly now everyone is back in work after xmas things will get moving for you


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Thanks for your replies, i had a little cry with my DH last night from what I think was just from the sheer frustration of waiting.  It's the complete open endedness of it that drives me potty, not knowing whether we might find them tomorrow or in 6 months!!


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel.  The wait is by far the hardest part, nothing can prepare you for it.  

We were approved in the October, and linked at the end of April and it was the longest few months of my life, probably the lowest I've ever felt.  I went completely loopy at work, I think they'd have sacked me if I hadn't been going anyway!  It's hard when you know your are going, but not when.  I had to drop from working 5 days a week to 3, then 2 just to help me cope with waiting - I really didn't want to be at work and the time to myself let me exercise, look after myself and prepare for what lay ahead.

Hoping you here some good news soon
Bx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I'm fed up too, join the fed up club!

We were approved for overseas adoption in May last year and we are still waiting for the DfE to send our paperwork overseas.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Me too!!!  

We were approved last July for #2 and had been told about a littlie who was 'perfect' for us in the March but it fell through in the September, delays in court order lead to time scale.

September we found out we'd been put forward for a relinquished baby girl and still the SW hasn't decided who she wants to see!  We have had to turn down a few children as they would be right for our DS and the waiting is getting to him too. Found out yesterday, after pestering SW, that there are more children in our age range due through in the next couple of months so thats hopefull.  

The wait would have been much easier had we not been lead to believe we had a match and just a case of the legal side catching up.

OT x


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## sieve (Mar 10, 2008)

Hi girls can i join in your rant??!!  i am really struggling just now, off work with a "bug" just cant face it at the moment like you Boggy - i just don't want to be there - i want to be at home with my little one - who should be with us by now.   
Also like you Princess Monica we were lead to believe it was going to be quick.. i know we were only approved in Nov but when we jokingly said to our sw "we wouldn't have a child by xmas" she said "why not - you never know"! we really believed she had children in mind and she kept saying it would be quick for us.  
i also keep snapping at people and being in tears - not good! 


So we have decided now to book a weekend away and a week abroad in a few weeks so hopefully this will pass a bit of time and also hoping it will be sods law, sw will contact us just before we go on holiday!!!   


Gosh i thought IVF was hard but at least we had a date where we would know one way or the other, you are right Pinky it could be now or next year!!!  and that is so hard.   


Anyway at least we can sound off at each other, might help my poor family a bit!  thinking of you all and really share your pain  xxxxx  Hope and pray it will happen soon for us all


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## Betty B (Mar 5, 2006)

Hi Everyone

I read often but don't often post    I am also fed up we will have been waiting 2 years this Friday and sadly living in Northern Ireland we do not have access to Be my Parent or anything we are at the mercy of the LA who are understaffed etc.  We haven't even got close   

We feel we have done the couples holidays and the other things we all use to keep our minds off 'waiting' we are very much in limbo and need to start our life as a family asap.  Can't show much interest in work as feel I shouldn't be there   

Sorry for the rant but no one else understands like you all do   


S


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Georgieb.....my gosh thats i long time! Is that usual in northern ireland? its seems far to long. You must be pulling your hair out. Have they said what the hold up is? I mean is it due to no children needing adoption or your agency being lazy? Can you send your profile to other agency's and bypass your sw maybe?


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## sieve (Mar 10, 2008)

Oh GeorgieB that must be horrific for you!  i cannot imagine waiting that long.  i really hope something happens for you soon.  sending you    .  you must be able to start going somewhere else - i hope somone on here knows the answer.  really feel for you - you just rant away - i think you are quite entitled xxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

You know, although we also feel we have "done" all the "just us" holidays we could use, now that we are waiting and all the hurdles are past EXCEPT being matched, it feels like we can actually *use* this time if you see what I mean.

We are not trying to get pregnant, not anxious in case a pregnancy ends like all the others in a miscarriage, and not waiting for the next HS appointment or panel or prep course - so our time is our own. I've even found myself thinking "well, whenever I get round to it" about things like sending off paperwork to our overseas agency. It seems less urgent somehow.

We are going to NY for a few days in April and I am really looking forward to it!


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh!  Just to add our SW has text us to say she is off sick and not back till this time next week!  Now the normal/kind/rational me thinks well she can't help being poorly and I hope she is well soon, but the fed up with waiting me is thinking, great thats another week we are not going to hear of any potential links!!!  

Wishing you all well x


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Gertie....i'm sure that if you can't think of any reason you would be declined at this stage then i doubt they will hun. Just keep telling yourself they need you as much as you need them, it just doesn't feel like that at times due to their sheer work load and behind the scenes work. If your worried then just phone them, they really don't mind and are used to us ladies phoning as they know how important this is to us. I'm sure you'll hear something soon hun, keep the faith!  xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Thx Libby


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Gertie

I think it would be fine to phone the office.  We adopted through the West of Scotland Baby Adoption team too, and I'm pretty sure we had to chase them up at this stage too.  I think there was a period of several weeks between the application form and being allocated a sw, but can't quite remember.  

Give them a call, it won't do any harm  

Bx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Thx Boggy
I will let you know how I get on


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## Pinky3 (Jul 30, 2008)

i'm bored of waiting now...    feel like i've waited for this moment forever and now nothing ... SW said it was too soon for any news yet


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## hollie2 (Apr 27, 2009)

Hi Gertie

How are you?

I think we might have been on the same prep group.  Is it glasgow you are going through or another local authority.  

J
x


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## Guest (Feb 9, 2011)

Feb news Gertie.  

Unfortunately the adoption process tends to involve a lot of waiting - but the end result is worth it!

Bop


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Excellent news Gertie!


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi guys - aww thx
Holly - we were indeed. GCC initially then we go back to LA until approval and back to GCC for matching. How r u getting on? Does your LA have to wait on the report?
X


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## hollie2 (Apr 27, 2009)

Hi Gertie

Had emailed glasgow the other day so they said our paperwork is with their team leader and will forwarded to local authority soon.

I have a contact and number for local authority so will give them a phone in a week or two to see if they have received paperwork and when we get our first initial visit. even though you know everything will be ok you still feel nervous etc dont you.

Its just such a long process.

Luv J
x


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## Betty B (Mar 5, 2006)

libby29 said:


> Georgieb.....my gosh thats i long time! Is that usual in northern ireland? its seems far to long. You must be pulling your hair out. Have they said what the hold up is? I mean is it due to no children needing adoption or your agency being lazy? Can you send your profile to other agency's and bypass your sw maybe?


Hi Libby

Unfortunatley N Ireland is in the dark ages re adoption we are at mercy of LA, we hve only recently got a national register but our LA's are so set in their ways I fear they are not utilising them properly? I really want to ring the manager and complain but scared of jeapordising my relationship with SW (who I fear is not 100% committed) we need her to work for us.

Any advice from any of you welcome.

S


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

GeorgieB
Sorry this is so short but only have a few mins before i go out. Are you able to contact other agencies, LA ect and promote yourselves. Just phone and tell them your approved and what for and see what they say. Could you try phoning some la over here as some might be looking to home some distance away. I dont know if this is something they do but might be worth a thought. Right got to dash, i might even ask my sw what she thinks (she's lovely and wont mind). Goodluch hun! xx


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi, can I join u. We have only been approved a few weeks but feels like ages. You hear of people being linked straight away but knew we were in for a wait as we ate approved for two. 
Fedup of checking my phone all time. 
Also, wanted to say hope its soon for u georgieb

Sweets x


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

I’m struggling, and it’s horrible - so I’m sending some positive ‘make the phone ring'  vibes to those in the same boat! 
We’re approved 3 weeks (I know, it’s nowt) and it feels like 3 months  I had no idea this part was going to be so difficult, I recall (I’m recalling it regularly  ) the difficulty of the post approval wait being talked about at prep group, and at the time I thought not me, sure the joy of approval will render it effortless but jeez was I wrong! I think the assessment being so intense, and the investing of so much time and energy preparing means it’s impossible (well, it is for me) to just drop it and go on as you did before you started. My hubby is anxious and desperate to hear but he’s handling it so much better than me, it doesn’t seem to be getting him down the way it is me.

PS. Noticed one or two are West Coast consortium, so thought I’d mention that we are West Coast too. We were assessed and approved by our LA (initially thinking 2-5 age range) but ended up being approved for the 0-4 age range.


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Daizy- it's so hard isn't it. I keep breakin down. Like u, heard so many say this is hard bit but thought I'd be on cloud nine. Also, makes it hard when people can get linked so quickly. Have emailed s/w a few times. She said to try and be patient and things are happening but it takes time and lots of paperwork. Hope u hear soon. Were havin a weekend away to keep mind occupied. Can u do the same.  
Hope everyone else is doing ok

Sweets xx


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Well its been 5 months now since approval and I am even more fed up than ever.  We have seen 4 CPR's that just haven't been right and we have got 2 social workers who are supposedly very interested in us, however we have been waiting over a month for them to send us the children's CPR's.  How friggin hard is it to put a report in the post!!!!!!

To top it off work has just got ridiculously stress full and I feel that they are taking the rip out of my good nature so today I just haven't gone in.  They will just have to deal with everything on there own becasue I am sick to my back teeth of the place!  I want to be on adoption leave! AAARRRRRGGGGGGGH!


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## hollie2 (Apr 27, 2009)

Hi Daizy

I hope the waiting isnt too long

My husband and I are west coast (north Ayrshire) and having first visit on monday.

what kind of things are asked at the first meeting.  Is the person you see first time the person you see for future visits

its so nerve wracking

thanks

x


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Princess. Monica- firstly ((((((hugs)))))
Can't imagine how I'll feel after five months when feel like this after six weeks. I said to dh this morning the same thing. Why does it take so long for all the paperwork. X


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

to all!

This waiting is so hard isn't it!    Only been waiting 5 weeks too and quite glad to be going away on holiday on saturday for a couple weeks to try and get mind of it! We do know of two girls coming up soon, wish the court process wouldn't take so long!

I guess we have to be patient, this whole IF and now adoption stretches it to the limit!    But sure we will all get there!!

p xx


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi Sweets, Yup I think a night or two away would be good. My hubby can’t take any annual leave until mid April, I’m off for a week start of April though so thinking I might ask my Mammy if she fancies treating me to a wee pamper sesh in a nice spa/hotel! 

Hi Hollie, The SW who did our initial meeting was a different SW to the one who did our assessment – the good news is that they are/were both lovely people. It was a chap who did the initial; he asked us general questions about family, work, health and talked a fair bit informally. He has a wealth of experience (he is nearing retirement, and throughout his career has counselled people who’ve dealt with infertility, and he also mediates with adults who have traced their birth family), the meeting with him was very positive. 

Well, a wee update. My hubby called our SW today to see if there was ‘anything on the horizon’, no link as yet however she spoke of one possibility in particular which is quite exciting, and said there were a couple of others that she was looking at. It could all fall through obviously however it is good to hear that there are possibilities.

Hi to Panorama and Monica, and everyone else too.


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## hollie2 (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks Daizy for your reply

thats good to hear that they were both nice etc. hoping to feel more realxed once first visit out the way.  also good that he has counselled people thru infertility etc as been through all that

thanks again and hope you hear soon

x


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

P- your right it does stretch it lol. X


Daizy- sounds lovely going to a spa. Go see your mammy xx

Hollie2- ours were both lovely too. We had two for the initial h/s as one was training. 
They chatted a while then looked around the house and garden. Good luck. 

Thank godness work is over for the day. Beginning to hate it now. 

Dh says I should put all adoption stuff to back of my mind. HOW!!!!! Lol. X


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

sweets x said:


> P- your right it does stretch it lol. X
> 
> Daizy- sounds lovely going to a spa. Go see your mammy xx
> 
> ...


Remeber to share your technique if you manage it!  x


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Daizy - hope the possibility works out, good to have some news anyway!   

Sweets - hubbies can be funny sometimes!    Yes be sure to share! I guess all we can do is try and keep as busy as possible but it is always there lingering!

Hollie - good luck for monday, we had the same lady all the way through which was great as she was lovely. First meeting we talked about everything really but not in as much detail. 

Well I succumbed to impatience and emailed my social worker yesterday (very casual email reminding her we were going to be away   ). She sent me back a little update, all children in same position and probably be April/May now before we get profiles but there is another little girl now and she is under one, so interesting...... just need to be patient!   

Hope you all have little updates when I'm back in a few weeks!    

p xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi ladies
Wishing you all lots of    vibes that things happen soon x

Panorama - enjoy your break away
Princess Monica - work is annoying me at present. My team is being moved to another country but ive been told my job is safe at the minute but I am job hunting to ensure I have same responsibilities and long term security. Finding this frustrating as worked my way into a good position that would allow flexibility for Mat/Adoption leave - argh! Now I'm not sure what role I will be doing and if I can wing this again butjust lost interest. Feel I should be doing a more rewarding job with my little one(s)!
Rant over - sorry lol
Hollie - good luck for Monday and I'm sure you will be fab x
Sweets - pls let us know how your DHs plan to 'put to the back of your mind' goes :-D
My DH can be good at doing this so can imagine him suggesting this too x
Love Gertie x x


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi ladies hope your all well, sounds like some exciting news for a few of you . 
As for us things are going great actually. Just finished HS!!!! so pleased that we have finally done all the sessions. Got almost 2 months to wait till panel though, boo!
Works a different story though. I just dont know what to do. I'm just holding my breath till (please god) i go on adoption leave. Theres no way i will leave and not take what i am owed and deserve. Its not actually my boss but the god awful woman i work with (only a small business of 5 employees). She knows what we are doing and initially was supportive and interested. Since xmas and the realisation of me leaving has hit her she has been vile. She never asks how things are going, if i start talking about it she changes the subject or rolls her eyes. I now NEVER talk about it to her as she makes me feel like i'm being selfish for wanting a family. She even said the other day when i booked our panel day of as holiday " maybe i should adopt as your the only one allowed to take time off around here" 2 days after she came back from a wks holiday. she's told me she will be really angry at me if i go before august as there's no one to take my place till then. My reply was "are you suggesting i put starting a family off until you decide?"  she said "no but you have to think about your me aswell as my dyas will go up from 3 per wk to 4" WTF. i hate going in and just feel down, how dare she make me feel like this. My boss is lovely (sometimes) but as she is sweetness and light around him he has told me i'm being to sensitive and it won't be for much longer.  Sorry this is such a me post but just needed to let off some steam. Right, rant over lolxxxx


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## Tarango (Nov 3, 2006)

Hi Libby, 


Just wanted to send you       What a woman!!     Some people just think about themselves.
I know it is easy to say but try and ignore her (v.hard when you are faced with them 8 hours a day). If you were to have your LO before 'she' is ready then tough! You have much more important things to concentrate on than pandering to her selfish thoughts!
People just don't understand this process and are sometimes unable to see things from any other side than their own.


Hello to everyone else xxxx


love
T
xxxx


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

libby29 said:


> Hi ladies hope your all well, sounds like some exciting news for a few of you .
> As for us things are going great actually. Just finished HS!!!! so pleased that we have finally done all the sessions. Got almost 2 months to wait till panel though, boo!
> Works a different story though. I just dont know what to do. I'm just holding my breath till (please god) i go on adoption leave. Theres no way i will leave and not take what i am owed and deserve. Its not actually my boss but the god awful woman i work with (only a small business of 5 employees). She knows what we are doing and initially was supportive and interested. Since xmas and the realisation of me leaving has hit her she has been vile. She never asks how things are going, if i start talking about it she changes the subject or rolls her eyes. I now NEVER talk about it to her as she makes me feel like i'm being selfish for wanting a family. She even said the other day when i booked our panel day of as holiday "* maybe i should adopt as your the only one allowed to take time off around here*" 2 days after she came back from a wks holiday. she's told me she will be really angry at me if i go before august as there's no one to take my place till then. My reply was "are you suggesting i put starting a family off until you decide?" she said "no but you have to think about your me aswell as my dyas will go up from 3 per wk to 4" WTF. i hate going in and just feel down, how dare she make me feel like this. My boss is lovely (sometimes) but as she is sweetness and light around him he has told me i'm being to sensitive and it won't be for much longer. Sorry this is such a me post but just needed to let off some steam. Right, rant over lolxxxx


Gosh what a dreadful thing to say  I reckon I'd have struggled to remain courteous with her at such a comment. If you get the opportunity you could tell her you realise it's not ideal from her perspective, but all the same you're finding some of her comments incredibly hurtful. The process is stressful enough without people flippantly making your life difficult. I hope she comes to her senses and realises how awful she's being 

Hope everyone else is doing OK. I've actually managed to think of other stuff besides adoption this weekend, which is a promising development for my sanity


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Thanks girls!  I did build up the courage to mention that things she says are hurtful and that this process is very stressful and she wasn't helping. Her responce left me speachless "What the hell have you got to be stressed about, your not even a mum yet, then you'll know what stress is". I honestly can't win. My hubby and i have decided that the best thing to do is ignore her as best i can. Try and show her i'm not bothered what she thinks and talk LOTS about whatever i want and especially my adoption leave. If she doesn't give a damn about what she says to me then from now on niether will i to her. Feel better already lol


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

to Libby, work sucks!


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Hiya peeps. 
Just wanted to send libby a massive hug.  Just ignore her hunny she is so not worth bothering about. 
Hope everyone is feeling a little more positive. 
Have found the answer for temporarily putting probs to the back of my mind it involves pub nd beverages   xxxx


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

Sweets......think i'm going to get right on to that now....  hic hic!


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Morning peeps. 
Hows everyone doing. 
Have got major blues    
Back to work, sat waiting for first customer to come in. 
Why does it take so long for s/w and blooming paperwork.


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## Pinky3 (Jul 30, 2008)

Hi everyone
I've not been on for ages so just getting back to to speed with you all...
I'm about the change jobs next week, due to likely redundancies, so i guess i'm in no rush again for six months gggrrrrrrr


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

OOOH just to let you know, that horrid woman i worked with has handed her notice in as she's moving out or the area. In the last few days its like finding this out, has lifted a huge weight off my shoulder's. Only have to work with her till the end of march. HOORAY! lol
Hi to everyone  xxxx


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## libby29 (Dec 27, 2008)

I meant april not march!


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

libby29 said:


> I meant april not march!


That's still not long!

We had one phone call a few weeks ago about a match that was not suitable at all (though it was worth them asking because it was due to something they couldn't have thought of) and now I keep expecting them to call at any minute. I feel like I'm on tenterhooks. I expect the feeling will wear off when we've been "officially waiting" a few more months (though we were approved quite a while ago we had to wait for our paperwork to go overseas which happened in Jan).


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Libby that is great news


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