# Clearly no biological clock off button, how about volume control?



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Stupid question for you I know ladies, but have any of you found a way to control your biological clock (aside from having nature turn it off for you)?

Mine is literally banging a drum every second, in fact it may have recently switched to a gong.  And a loud hailer.  And dolby surround sound speakers.

It's got to a point that I can barely hear myself think.  I just have baby, baby, baby, baby (you get the picture) as a constant white noise in my head.

I've tried a million different things to tone it down but this doesn't feel like a mental health issue, it feels purely biological.  My whole body is frantically trying to make me listen to it (god knows, I'm trying).  I've found now that, although I'm really sad when every period comes, I am finding it harder and harder to control myself around ovulation.  From day 4 my body is buzzing and around ovulation time I am like a ticking time bomb, I can think of nothing other than sex  

All my whole body says every second of the day is sex, supplements, protein, sex, supplements, protein    I can't focus on anything else and work is getting harder and harder to concentrate on.

Help me ladies.  Have any of you found a way to control this biological beast?    I feel like I've been completely taken over.  DH can be talking to me about laying floorboards but all I hear is 

'OVULATION, baby, baby, have you taken your supplements, what's your protein count today?'


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Hi Molly,

I'm really sorry that you have found no way of controlling your biological clock. I'm not going to be much help here as I don't have an answer. You read the chimp paradox? I think, like me, you have an incredibly strong nurturing gene. Mine has been going off loudly since I was in my early twenties - now in my late thirties, it is getting louder and louder. It's our chimp telling us it needs something to mother, it is not 'human' Molly. But the chimp does need to settle somehow. I read from your other post you have a puppy. Congratulations! I wish I could persuade my hubby.

I wondering whether you find yourself another focus. Something specifically for you. Something you have always wanted to do that doesn't include children or stepchildren. A change of focus might help with the day to day life. Painting? Writing? Drama? Animal charity work?

But long term, if you're not ready to give up, I'm not sure the clock will switch itself off. 

I am learning the power of writing my thoughts down. Woke up at 4:30am this morning, full of rage about things that happened years ago. When my husband spoke to me at 7:30am, he said, 'I thought when you feel these strong emotions you write them down to calm you.'  At 4:30am I forgot my plan to deal with strong emotions and focussed on the rage. So my suggestion is to try writing down how you feel (not for anyone else to read). See if makes you feel better. I am about to post an excellent article I found on letting go of resentment. IF seems to have bought out resentment in a way I struggle to deal with. 

A couple of months ago, just before joining this helpful forum, I was totally broken. Sobbing at the doctors, again. My GP gave me some excellent advice. She said my anxiety/depression was partly due to my indecision as which path I choose to a child. She said, that until I made a decision, I would feel out of control. I think you decide what you want to do, if you are not ready to give up, then you shouldn't. You find the money - somehow. If the route is adoption - find that path somehow.

From your other posts (and not wanting to cause an argument between you and DH), you didn't know what you were letting yourself in for when you married a man with children who had had the snip. Please don't let this argument weaken you. You're not fortune teller. You didn't know how hard it would be. You trusted the doctors about reversal successes. No one supplied a manual.  At the same time, your husband took on someone who wanted children. Just like, 'You knew what you were letting yourself in for,' is unhelpful/unsupportive, so would be the counter argument of, 'You knew I wanted children. Did you think that desire would just go away? You also knew what you were letting yourself in for as I told you wanted children.'  Please don't use that counter argument as it won't help your relationship.  I just trying to say that you should NOT be taking the blame - there is no blame to be placed. Having a baby is important to you. You are important to your husband. You should be working hard to support each other in making this dream come true. If something is important to your husband, I am sure you would help him? 

Anyway, I hope I haven't cause any offence. 
Take care,
DeeDee
xx

Edit. I put should be taking the blame, it should be 'should NOT be taking the blame'


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you for replying deedee    Absolutely no offense taken at all!  You are right, my chimp has taken over    I'd say that I am 90% hormonal chimp  

You're right about needing a focus too, right now it is puppy but I know that I need some long term goals and milestones.  It does terrify me that I have no plan b whatsoever.  My problem is that I am stubbornly refusing to consider a plan b.  I can't explain it but in every single self help moving on type book / website that I've ever read, they have all said that you need to get a hobby.  I refuse to get a hobby because (in my head) that means that I am accepting and I'm not.  Stupid isn't it, I know that I am being silly and hurting myself but I got so sick of reading get a hobby because all it does is plaster over.

Sigh, I need a hobby  

Thank you for your kind words about the never ending 'knew what I was taking on' debate with my DH.  That just drives me crazy and doesn't help with the depression.  We just get our knickers in a twist about these things because they are so complicated, it's also something that his mother taught him I think, that there is only ever one side and one answer.  

We are getting somewhere on so many things.  I don't feel quite so raw any more but this time bomb is just ticking away.  It doesn't help that I feel like I've had the most fertile months in a decade recently, so many amazing new and positive signs.  Trouble is, I know that it won't make a difference.  Still, there's that evasive but ever present little ounce of hope that keeps me ticking.

The emotional and relationship stuff is really hard and complicated but it is the biological response that I just don't know how to control.  Sometimes I don't know how I control myself from not grabbing a baby and running - I NEVER would do that but you know what I mean.  The need to nuture and create a family is coming from every cell in my body.

I hope that you are ok, it sounds like you're having a really tough time too xxx


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Maybe it's not a hobby you need. Maybe it's an ambition that is not related to babies? Not a one or the other, plan A or plan B. Maybe: "I am going to do this as well as try for a baby". 

Have you had all the tests you can possibly have? I am positive for hidden C and ureaplasma - it's very embarrassing.    Fortunately, I am hiding behind my computer so no one see me?

Well done for being extra healthy at the moment, that's really positive. 

I'm feeling a bit better. Sometimes I feel like I am bi-polar (I'm not). Had a meeting in London today, then lunch with some writing friends - the subject of babies never comes up with these friends.  
Yesterday I listened to 101 affirmations that I downloaded onto my ipod  and also listened whilst getting ready this morning (it seems to be helping). I am beginning to see there is more to life than nappies. I had reached a point a few months back where I didn't want to live unless I had a baby (even told my mother who quickly phoned DH)- such dramatic thinking. I felt like a complete failure in everything. But now, I want to start enjoying my life, taking risks and making something of my life. Because I don't have a baby, I have the luxury of choosing any direction to go in. We'll still go though IVF, but maybe if it doesn't happen, my life is meant to go in another direction. Adoption maybe? Or maybe something else where I help people. If I am too depressed, I won't be able to see the direction life wants me to take? If I continue to wallow, I will end up friendless and lonely - creating my very own self for-filling prophecy. I've had to distance myself from negative people though, including all my family! LOL.

Anyway, I hope you ok. Out of everything I do, I would recommend getting some affirmations onto a device and having a listen (it helps with the biological responses) - there should be some free ones on itunes. It's a definite pick-me-up and helps calm the chimp. Perhaps once you feel better, you'll be able to see what other stamp you want to leave on the world, without giving up on the baby dream. 

  

Have a good evening. xx


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