# confused



## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Hi. I am recently split from my bf after mc on first round of clomid. We may still reconcile it's not looking likely. I'm confused as to how I would go about ttc on my own, with donor? I am 39 and dont ovulate without clomid. I dont earn a great deal and have no savings. Is it expensive? I really wanted a child with him but our relationship has totally broken down so I now need to look in to other options. I still have two rounds of clomid to take. I'm 40 this year. Thanks.


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

er, am I being ignored? Is my post not relevant enough??


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## Sharry (May 13, 2007)

I seriously doubt your being ignored   these threads tend to be busier at night I am sure somebody who can help will be along soon  

Sharry xx


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Starzle - welcome to the singles board. No you're not being ignored - it's just that there are only about 50 ladies on this board (we were only about 20 a couple of years ago) and as most of us have young babies now the singles thread is busiest during the evenings when they are asleep!

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown - it doesn't mean that you have to give up on your wish to become a mother. Many clinics treat single women - usually via donor IUI or donor IVF. It's straightforward to either use donor sperm from the clinic's own donor bank (for example the London Women's Clinic has its own donor bank) or to import sperm from a donor bank overseas (most single women on here who import sperm have used the European Sperm Bank in Denmark, Cryos or Xytex in the US). 

Something to bear in mind is that it's unlikely (despite what the papers say!) that you'd get any NHS funding for treatment as a single woman even if you had known fertility issues - many of the single ladies go abroad for treatment for cost reasons. The cheapest options for treatment abroad are donor IUI or donor frozen embryo transfer - this is using embryos that are already frozen and so it's using both egg and sperm donors. We have been very fortunate on the singlies thread and there are several gorgeous babies from DFET (my own precious daughter is from double donation and I feel so indebted to the wonderful donors who enabled this to happen).

The age factor typically means that it can take several goes for the treatment to work - some single ladies in their late thirties/early forties have been lucky and it's worked first time for them, but more typically it takes several attempts and some ladies move to donor eggs (like me) in order to increase their chances of the treatment working. 

I'd suggest looking at the different threads on the singlies board for IVF, IUI, DFET and double donor/ donor egg IVF - there are lots of useful pieces of advice. 

When my relationship broke up I also had counselling to help me come to terms with the end of the relationship and to help me become comfortable with the idea of using a donor - I found this really useful, and some clinics may ask you to have a session of counselling so they are happy you've thought through the implications of having a baby using a donor/ donors.

Hope this is helpful - good luck!

Rose xx


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

How much does it cost?


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hi Starzle   


So sorry to hear about your loss   Really hope that you find a way to reconcile with your BF, I think men find it hugely difficult both dealing with mc and knowing how to deal with their partners after a mc.  
If things don't work out there are certainly lots of options left as a single woman.  I also didn't ever ovulate without clomid but became pregnant after my second iui using a donor.  I presume you have already had basic fertility tests done.  Most private clinics offer diui to single women.  My figures are probably very out of date now   it cost around £1000 each time.  You can contact many clinics directly, look at a few websites or be referred to a local clinic via your GP.  Some clinics have their own sperm banks or you can buy it in from Xytex/ESB etc.  Another, considerably cheaper, option is to go abroad, although this usually means the donor is not identity release.
Hope that helps
Upsyxxx


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Sorry, what's iui and diui? I thought this kind of treatment was only available if you had been ttc for so long (in my area 3 years - i wasnt offered ivf and wont be) and if you are under 40? (i'm 39 now, 40 in dec)
I dont think I can afford £1000 but can try I suppose. Yeah, it's been a great loss, a horrible time. See my other posts x


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Starzle - if you are having treatment at a private clinic you typically refer yourself so there aren't any restrictions on when you can start - the age limits are only if you are having NHS treatment and you can definitely have IVF as a single woman both under and over 40 if you pay for it. DIUI is typically more expensive than £1000 in the London area - more like £1500 but much cheaper abroad. The key thing is to understand your current fertility levels (FSH/ AMH etc.) and which option gives you the highest chance of the treatment working, as well as the cost. 

DIUI is donor insemination - at the most fertile time in your cycle, using thawed donor sperm, placed into the uterus, and often helped by drugs such as Clomid to encourage your ovaries to release 2 eggs rather than one to increase the chances of success. 

Rose xx


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Hi Rose, thanks for reply and congratulations on your new little one xxx  how lovely...
ok, I've had a quick look at a sperm donor site in london and it listed £850 as the price? But then what? 
I know this sounds crude but what do you do? Does someone put it in for you, and if so is that what costs the money or can you just DIY with a large syringe!!??


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi Starzle

IUI is Intrauterine Insemination.  It is when semen is injected into the uterus just before ovulation.  DIUI is the same but using donor sperm.  I have not had IUI so my knowledge is limited but there are a couple of options that is generally given to single women.  Natural IUI is when the clinic uses your natural cycle, with no drugs given and you then get inseminated around day 10 to 14 of your cycle (depending when ovulation occurs) and then there is stimulated ovulation whereby you are given fertility drugs to stimulate ovulation.  I believe you can also have tracking using ultrasound so that the clinic can determine exactly when you are about the ovulate so they can give you the donor sperm at the best time in your cycle.

Most single women will be using DIUI or IVF to conceive so there is no need to worry about "waiting period" of 3 years before going for this treatment.

The London Women's clinic has a good website and you can get a lot of information on there about ttc as a single woman. 

Prices can vary between clinics but I think Upsydaisy's guidance of around £1,000 for IUI in the UK is about right.  It is cheaper abroad and their are women who have been to Denmark, Czech Republic and Greece for IUI and it does tend to be cheaper than the UK including flights.

Sima x


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

IUI is done at the clinic.  So don't worry about having to use a large syringe to do the deed..........

Having IUI at a clinic means the basic cost should cover the sperm and the actual procedure.  You pay more if you need additional drugs and monitoring.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

starzle -  So sorry for your loss and your break uo.  Like Rose I had counselling after my miscarriage (your GP could probably arrange this for you or the Miscarriage Association). I think that Rose and the others have given you some useful information. The other thing that you could do is look for a known donor on some of the websites like PrideAngel, Free Sperm Donors Worldwide adn to home insems. Probably more of the women on the LGBT thread will have gone down this route than on the singles thread.
I guess you need to research around and see what suits you/you can afford. There isn't much free for single women on the NHS in the UK and like you say your age (if you were still in a partnership) is against you. Clomid is v cheap if you need to get it privately (but you have to get someone to give you a private prescritpion) continue on it and use a known donor.

The donors that labs used are screened for diseases, frozen and quarantined the donor has been tested, plus there is all the legal cover and admin of the clinic- the donor himself doesn't get paid for his services. I took a friend  as a known donor and had to pay £1500 for this for him. The £850 wouldn't include bloods and tests for yourself and appts.

Good Luck.


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Hi upsydaisey - how did you conceive, did you go abroad or did you stay and have IUI in UK? me and my ex were ttc for around a year, but i got pg first time on clomid, so it seems i dont ovulate and clomid works well for me?


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

thankyou ladies for your kind replies   you've helped alot with your invaluable information. 
JJ1, what is the LGBT thread?


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hi


I used a small (non London so cheaper) UK clinic.  I was referred by my NHS consultant as I already had lots of hormone/fertility issues  .  I paid privately for treatment.  Logistically I wouldn't have been able to fit treatment abroad round my job and at the time having an ID release donor was important to me.  You can buy ovulation predictor kits to find out if your ovulating, I wasn't   .  If you use clomid they scan you before IUI to make sure there is at least one follicle, then I had an injection to make sure the timing of ovulation was exact.  I was also incredibly lucky.
Upsyxxx


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Thats lovely, its nice to hear the stories that go well. I'll have to start looking in to costs etc, scarey!!


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php

LGBT - Lesbian Gay Transexual Thread


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi starzle72 - sorry to hear about your mc and break up. The £850 on the LWC site is just for the purchase of donor sperm from their sperm bank. If you want the clinic to actually do anything with it you would also need to pay for treatment...so IUI at LWC is £795 per go. Then I think there are other costs on top such as initial consultation fee and HFEA fees and such like.


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## starzle72 (Sep 2, 2011)

Congratulations caramac xxx


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