# BFN veterans club (multiple BFNs) part 3



## Shellebell

Happy  with lots of    and


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## coweyes

Im the first one here   .


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## bethholm

Bookmarking to be back with the family.xxxx


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## ANGELA29A

bookmarking :0))


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## kitten77

bookmarking - hope all ok with you all. massive hugs.


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## waikiki

Bookmarking.


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## Rosa1939

Good morning everybody,

I hope everyone is doing well, I'm back at work this week and loving it, NOT!  I'm sneakily typing this from work and feel very conspicuous!  

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post but I have been doing some reading about the hidden C test and wondered whether anyone here had had this test done and what they thought of it all?  I am hoping to start a new cycle in March at a new clinic (I have an appt with CRM next Weds) and wondered whether this would be something to think about doing before I go ahead?

Any advice and thoughts appreciated.

Rx


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## bethholm

Rosa- I had mine done- do it through Peny at Serum. She's great and very very reasonable compared to UK prices. I had mine done last year and it was really straightforward. If you look at this link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.0 Agate explains the test etc. Let me know if I can be of any help.

B xxx


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## Nordickat

Rosa - I'm a bit dubious about the hidden C test. Purely because there are so many sorts of chlamydia and the test they use doesn't tell you which one you have and it doesn't identify whether the DNA its looking at is dead or alive. My main issue is with the retest tbh and I suspect in many cases that the positive results of a retest is actually dead Chlamydia. Having said all that, I have had the test which was positive and I took my antiBs for it. I never did the retest though working on the the basis that my Chlamydia had been there a long time and I have never taken antiBs in my adult life so the chance of it being resistant to the massive dose of drugs I had was pretty slim. If I was you I would have it done. One thing us BFN veterans have to ensure is that we have no 'what ifs' at the end of this journey. Good luck. I also had mine done through serum but its cheaper to do direct with the lab that does the analysis - depends if you'll need a prescription from Peny or not I guess.

As for me, Dr appt tomorrow to see how   I am ........ although my OCD mini smartie sorting this morning and my wild credit card hit may already confirm I'm pretty high up the bonkers scale at the moment.

Love to the rest of the pose,
Katxxx

PS. Beth -    just checked the other thread   . I hope you find a way that feels right to say goodbye to your angel


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## Rosa1939

Thanks for the good advice ladies, 

I feel that although I am also a little skeptical about these kinds of things that, like you say Nordikat, I don't want to look back and think I have not tried absolutely everything, I have nothing to lose really.  

I will contact Peny at Serum ASAP then and see how to go about it.  I have been doing some reading on these boards and she and her clinic sound amazing!  

Hope your appt goes well tommorow Nordikat.  

Beth, hope you are getting on ok.

Hello to everyone else.

Thanks again,
Rx


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## Rosa1939

Hi again,

I have just contacted Peny and she got back to me within 5 minutes!  She recommends that I do the test.  I will go ahead, she also recommended 3 other bacterial tests for 170 euros more (forgotten the names but can post up if anyone interested) (hidden c test is 100 euros) so I think I will do this as well.  

Can I just ask, how did you ladies package everything up and send to them?  Royal Mail?!  What about damage to the container?  Any help appreciated. 

Rx


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## Hbkmorris

I'm bookmarking to as I couldn't be on FF without you guys.. 

I just wonder if my body will every allow me to get pregs.. just for once PLEASE make 2012 a better year for us all xxx


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## Hbkmorris

Rosa1939

I'm glad I've just read your post as I have decided to do the hidden c test but with Locus Medicus and that's only because I was given their details by someone who has had the test done with them. 

She gave me a list of what to do (which confused me) and how to transport it which was in a cool box and use fed-ex! 

If you have chance can I please ask what the other tests Peny has said to have done as I would like to get what I can now as I clearly have alot more problems with my bits than the docs really know in UK.

Regards
HBK x


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## Nordickat

If you go through Serum for Hidden C they ask you to send it directly to Locus Medicus and the results come directly from LM too so its cheaper to bypass Serum if you are not planning on being a patient with them. If you will need a prescription for a positive result or if you are planning more tests or tx with Serum I would go through them HBK and pay the bit extra. I was lucky and jsut took my result and a list of what antiBs I wanted to my consultant here said it wouldn't do any harm so agreed even though he thought it was rubbish.

Getting the sample is easy HBK. I use a mooncup anyway instead of tampons (better for your body and the environment   ) so it was easy for me to get some full flow blood. I guess otherwise it depends how heavily you bleed as to how easy sample collection is. Get yourself a small tube from the chemists and some sterile saline solution (just the stuff for contact lens or wound washing). Add a couple of drops of saline to your blood and bobs your uncle. You can fed-ex it or just put it in normal post really - wrapped in bubble wrap in a jiffy bag. Using a coolbox is overkill really and makes it more expensive to post I imagine. I would just go with the cheapest option. I'm a scientist by the way and the guy who sits next to me a work does this analysis (not on chlamydia though) so you can sort of trust me although I haevn't specifically asked him about chlamydia ........ I couldn't think how to slip it into conversation!  

Rosa - do all the tests


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## Rosa1939

Hi HBKMorris,

The other tests that Peny recommended are:

Mycoplasma, ureaplasma and general baterial load test: 170 euros.  I'm not sure how necessary these tests are but like you said, there must something else going on that docs here can't see and this could be it, why not.  

As for transportation, Peny did not mention a cold box to me, just to put the container in some "soft packaging material or cotton wool to protect from breaking".  I'm going to bubble wrap it and hope for the best!  

I have asked but Peny has not come back to me yet, and i wonder if you know, does treatment with the antibiotics start immediately once diagnosed (if positive) or do you have to wait?  I know its a long course of antibiotics for both female and male partner, do you think the antib's have any adverse affect on egg quality and sperm quality if we were to start a new cycle in March (after I'm guessing treatment in Feb?.

Thanks for any help.

Rx


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## Nordickat

Its a 21 day course of antiBs and you can start them at anytime so you'll be good to go for tx in March as the results came through quickly. When is your af due so you can get your sample?
See my post above but no need for coolboxes and stuff.


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## Rosa1939

Thanks for the good advice Nordikat, I sent my post before realising yours had come in.  

I will do all the tests as you advise.  

I do like the sound of Serum in Greece and my husband and I have been talking about donor eggs possibly, if more cycles with my own fail, so that's why i am happy to do the tests through Serum.

Rx


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## Rosa1939

Nordikat,

I'm on day 1 today so plan on getting sample tomorrow morning and sending off.  Going to Boots in my lunch hour later to get the sterile pot and some sterile water to add.  I feel a little scared and nervous, such a strange thing to be doing, sending off some menstrual blood in the post to Greece!  If people knew, surely they would think it's totally crackers!!!

X


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## Nordickat

Rosa - if people new half of what we put ourselves through they would either salute us or section us    . Go with Serum for sure, I have heard nothing but good about them, and a bit of sunshine during tx can't do any harm


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## pinkpixie

hi everyone
kat good to hear from you   

hi to everyone else
xx
h


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## waikiki

Rosa, as the other ladies have said I would suggest having the hidden C test, if nothing else it is one more thing to tick off the list and you will not have any 'if onlys' to look back on.  I tested positive for the hidden C test last year and then re-tested negative after the anti-b treatment.  

I have also recently started speaking to Penny at Serum and I am going out to Athens at the end of the month for a hysteroscopy and to plan our next tx.  When I told her about my hidden C she said that it may have had a bearing on my immune problems, and to be fair my immunes levels have come down significantly since I cleared up the hidden C - not sure if this is just a coincidence though.

I have had DE tx at CRM, so let me know if you have any questions about the clinic, although from what I already know about Penny and Serum, I would recommend going to her over CRM.

 waikiki


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## Rosa1939

Thanks Waikiki,

I have just got my sterile container, had to try 4 local chemists before I got lucky!  I'll send off tomorrow and wait and see what they say.  I have never had my immunes tested so do not know whether that could be an issue also.  Where did you get yours done?  I'm very glad to hear your results have gotten better after successful Hidden C treatment, its all got to be a step closer to success.

What do you think of CRM generally Waikiki?  I will be doing OE ICSI again and have a meeting with Dr Forman next Weds afternoon.  They are not far from my work so one of the easier London clinics to get to, which is one of the reasons I have chosen to see them to be honest.  

Thanks for your thoughts,

Rx


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## bethholm

Waikki and Rosa- cycling next with Peny (here we go again!!!!) and have been out to the clinic twice for LIT and hysteroscopy. Let me know if I can be of any help re hotels, clinic info etc.  

AFM- just been doing performance management meetings all day with staff and one has just announced she is pregnant. Of course it's the one member of staff who is an absolute b**** and probably wasn't even trying and already has 2 kids. Managed to hold it together without screaming that I had lost mine last Friday.  Currently phoning around funeral companies to try and organise a cremation...


B x


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## Rosa1939

Beth,

Sorry to hear about your colleague, its never ending isn't it?  Please try to stay strong and focused, nearly impossible I know. I work in a large open plan office and there seems like there is always at least 5 other ladies preggers and wandering around, i work in a mostly male team and 2 of their wives are currently pregnant and 2 gave birth last year!

My thoughts are with you. x


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## seemedlike4eva

Am I allowed to say that I'm feeling quite smug today? Weighed in at fatclub,  and had only gained half a pound! My SIL, & 2 nieces go to same group, and they had gained 4lbs, 7lbs & 9lbs respectively   . Despite the weight, one of those nieces was so fertile she had to get sterilised at her last c-section. other one has a child, after a one-nighter, naturally.
I've not had the hidden-c test...apart from my DH, I've only had unprotected sex with 1 other person, DH's past is similar, so risk is low, plus I've had so many antibiotics over the years, including ones that would have sorted chlamydia. Maybe I'll look at those things if next tx fails. Although I lost count of the DIUI failures, I've only had 2 embryo transfers, and the 2nd of those was doomed as I had a clot in my uterus. Getting my weight down is what I'm crossing off the list this time.
 everyone xx


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## Hbkmorris

Thank you for your wonderful informative message, I shall follow your info and jiffy things.. Where do I get the things you use other than tampons? I've got everything else under wraps so I just need to sort the collection process out!!

I'd heard of the other tests and may just as LM if they do them to.. I'm also going to have my immunes done.. Mire money I know and if my clinic will support me whilst having tx with them then I'll proceed if not I need to change clinics.

I never ever thought I'd need to go through this much grief and I'm so scared that this tx will end in another bfn but I've got to try now and times clicking on.

Xx



Rosa1939 said:


> Hi HBKMorris,
> 
> The other tests that Peny recommended are:
> 
> Mycoplasma, ureaplasma and general baterial load test: 170 euros. I'm not sure how necessary these tests are but like you said, there must something else going on that docs here can't see and this could be it, why not.
> 
> As for transportation, Peny did not mention a cold box to me, just to put the container in some "soft packaging material or cotton wool to protect from breaking". I'm going to bubble wrap it and hope for the best!
> 
> I have asked but Peny has not come back to me yet, and i wonder if you know, does treatment with the antibiotics start immediately once diagnosed (if positive) or do you have to wait? I know its a long course of antibiotics for both female and male partner, do you think the antib's have any adverse affect on egg quality and sperm quality if we were to start a new cycle in March (after I'm guessing treatment in Feb?.
> 
> Thanks for any help.
> 
> Rx


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## bethholm

HBKMorris-but we will all be there to help and support you and each other.xxx


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## Hbkmorris

Thank you Beth.. You are a true angel to me x. 

How are you doing? Thoughts are with you everyday x


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## bethholm

HbkMorris-we are all there for you.xxx

AFM-still struggling to sort out a cremation.All the ladies who got pregnant on the other thread the same time as me are still pregnant (as was the same last time I had a MMC) despite them all having heavy bleeds.I am thrilled for all of them but very bitter that I had no bleeding or signs that my baby had died 3 weeks earlier but still mine was the pregnancy that failed and I'd also had the most cycles and also another miscarriage to boot as well compared to the other ladies.People at work tell me how exhausted I look but if I stop, I cry,but I can't give up.No one will ever tell me I'll never be a mum.It's just that the dark moments are hard. I'm off to see a maternity bereavement counsellor soon,ironically next to where I had both miscarriage scans.When I do let myself cry, my pain is the most intense pain I've felt and it scares me.

B x


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## Nordickat

Beth    Feeling bitter is perfectly OK and normal. On my mc cycle I had a buddy who was also on tx#4 and had same ec/et days and same OTD and everything. We even by coincidence tested early at exactly the same time and then had our scans on the same day. My scan said I mc, hers said she had twins. I still can't help feeling she got my baby too   . Grief makes us think like that and we can't help it. Maybe step back from that thread for a while, they will all understand.    . And I think, actually know, that you have to let all the pain out. I know it feels like the pain might actually kill you but it won't I promise. Sometimes you haeve to hit the bottom before you start climbing again. I hope the counsellor helps and maybe even helps you sort out the cremation. Thinking of you and your DH xxx


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## Nordickat

HBK - you can get a mooncup from Boots. Not everyone like them though so investigate what it is before you get one. (www.mooncup.co.uk)

You don't need one to get your sample, I just happen to use one instead of tampons anyway.


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## pinkpixie

Beth     i know pain like that can scare you its such an intense pain but like Kat says it needs to be let out you will find the right way and time to grieve.  My heart goes out to you and your DH i hope you manage to get your babys cremation sorted.


xx
h


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## kitten77

oh beth, its perfectly normal to feel the way you do about the other people on the thread, you have been through soooo much, you are one very strong lady, but you do need to let it out, you need to grieve otherwise you will make yourself poorly.  crying isnt a bad thing, and like kat said it may feel like it will kill you, or once you start you will never ever stop but it wont and you will.  hope the counciller can help you and hope you get your babys cremation sorted. 

kat - oh hun, do you know what, i think i would have felt exactly the same way as you, that she had my baby, life is so unfair sometimes isnt it.  hope your doing ok? 

hbk - hope you get things sorted, i cant help on info as i never did it. 

seemslikeforever - woohoo well done on the weight loss....ish, i am impressive that all over xmas and you only gained half a pound! you must have been very good!

rosa - hope you managed to sort your sample out. 

hope everyone is ok, hope the january blues are not here but all on positive though mode.  i check in with you guys everyday, i wont ever leave you, just wont post as much.

massive hugs. xx


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## Rosa1939

Beth,

I'm so sorry to hear of your deep grief, as the other ladies have said, this is so normal and even though it is terrifying to confront just how devestated you feel, it is part of healing and starting to feel stronger.  You will cope, and are coping, even though you feel you are not.  Thinking of you, keep going.x


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## Hbkmorris

Oh dear god bless you Beth

Your pain must be immense and until you've been through it.. we can only guess what you must be feeling.. Big     to you and I really mean that. 

As cruel as IVF is you either hard done by if you have implantaion failures or pregnancies that turn into MC both of which are soul destroying as I can only say that my failures have destroyed me as I feel that no matter what or how I try the little beans just wont implant which means I'll never be a mummy. 

My friend had two natural pregs and MC on both and after seeing a fertility clinic under went IVF took all immunes drugs to include clexane & prodisonal and bobs your uncle twins arrived safe and sound... Lovely story but I just don't feel I'll ever have such a lucky outcome.

What I'm trying to say is your so not on your own with crying and all though it's not a mc i've had I really do feel your pain.

It will be hard to sort out the cremation because of your emotions and the actual physical side of things, they should have a booklet on how to deal with every stage as and when it happens as it's a tough one to call.

Take Car muffin.. love to you always and thoughts with you day & night xxx


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## bethholm

What would I do without you ladies.              

A heartfelt thanks for being there at this heartbreaking time.

B x


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## wobs

Hi ladies

Sorry no personals, just bookmarking.
Mid way through cycle with ARGC - it's a serious bootcamp!!! 
   to those who need them
Wobs


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## bethholm

Wobs-wishing you all the luck in the world.xxxx


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## billabong

Just bookmarking!

Beth-  Thinking of you DH and loss of your little one     I have been there and know nothing can take that pain away. 

Sending all lots of   xxxxxxx


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## JBox

Bookmarking


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## waikiki

Rosa - Generally I think CRM is a good clinic. In particular I think Dr Theodorou is fantastic - I went to see him after my first DE cycle failed, it was my 7th cycle without ever getting a positive pg test and I was at the end of my tether. I went into complete melt down when I saw him, crying and shouting at him because I was so angry. Whereas a lot of doctors would have been freaked out he was so kind. I felt as if he really cared and took a lot of time to talk through all of our options. Compared to my previous clinic, the Lister, CRM is much quieter which means that you are nearly always seen on time for your appointments (compared to waiting up to an hour at the Lister). Their embryologists seem very good too - the only thing I would say is that if you have more complicated immune/implantation issues that they are quite cautious with the protocols they follow. When I first had tx there in February last year they would only prescribe prednisolone, no IVIG, intralipids etc, although they have since introduced them. My only experience is of the DE programme, which has not worked for me, but I know many ladies on the DE boards who are now happily pg.

Beth -     


bethholm said:


> No one will ever tell me I'll never be a mum.


I have met many strong and inspirational ladies on FF, but your courage blows me away hun. No matter how hard it gets, just keep what you have said in mind - that will keep you going. I'm sure it will keep me going too.

Kat - what you said about your cycle buddy and your mc broke my heart. I have often felt that way about other ladies I have cycled with who got pg when I did not. I'm sure that it must be so much harder to bear when you have miscarried.  

Wobs - good luck hun!    

Has anyone heard from Han or JBT lately - if you're lurking ladies, do pop on and tell us how you are.

Love to you all.   

waikiki


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## wobs

Hi ladies

Beth     hope you managed to get the cremation sorted.  Sure that'll help the grieving process.  
Kat as you say it seems doubley hard when people close to you/on treatment at same time have babies.  My SIL has a child who is the age ours would be now if I hadn't mc....However dispite all this I am still a firm believer in if it's meant to be it will be (for whatever I am talking about even not IF related)....Maybe it's just the way I keep myself in check but for me it helps   

hi everyone else

bye for now
Wobs


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## seemedlike4eva

Beth, I feel your pain, when I went to pick up my daughter's post mortem results, I had to walk through the neonatal unit where she'd been. It was horrendous, especially as I'd chosen to go alone. My cousin, and a childhood friend both have daughters the same age as mine....it does get easier, but as the years have gone by I've thought about every milestone. I've no advice on how to deal with grief, other than to say my path was probably not the best. I moved to London, & 're-invented' myself.
I never once thought that pregnancy was going to be my only shot. Ironically, I'd been so concientous with contraception, that I never thought I cd be pg - my GP ran a blood test to see why AF had gone AWOL. I never did a POAS, so never even saw my blue lines!
HBK - what does the Women's reckon about immunes? 
Wobs, so hoping this cycle goes well for you.
 Jbox, Billabong, Rosa, Kitten, Nordikat, Pinkpixie, Waikiki and everyone else x


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## Hbkmorris

Hi there, sorry for no personals but the iPad won't allow me to post a reply only quicky... Story of my life!!!

BWH dont believe in immunes testing but I'm going to ask if they will support me if immunes tests come up positive for anything.. If they don't then I'll have to choose another clinic if they do then great.. Just got to wait for my follow up apt on 26th jan and then I'll have a better idea. 

What I really need to find out is what do other pct hospitals/clinics do when they give 3 free nhs goes and fail after cycle no2 if still failures do they look into other tests or immunes.. We've had no freebies but after spending nearly £12,000 now I feel the nhs should by now help me in some other way... I won't old my breath though xx


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## MandyPandy

Hi Ladies

I've been looking at this thread for a while and wondering if I'm qualified to join it - I guess I am now.  Does anyone mind if I join in?

xxx


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## coweyes

HI Mandy Pandy, sorry to see you here, but your more than welcome.


My probes have just been made for my pgd, so should be finally moving forward with having more treatment. xxx


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## bethholm

Mandypandy- my friend from FGA thread! Lovely to see you on here.  I only discovered 'our family' a few months ago. It seriously is the best thread on the entire FF site as all the ladies have been through hell and back several times over and do so understand.

Waikki- thank you for your kind words about me. I think we are all inspirational women and together we can draw strength from each other.  

Seemslike4ever- I am so sorry to hear what you went through. I am dreading the funeral but know that I would never forgive myself if I didn't go.  

Coweyes- glad that you are moving forward with your treatment.  

Kat- thinking of you.   I have left some threads on here as I am faced with ladies about to give birth when I was also due (from my first MMC in May) and also women who have now had successful 12 week scans despite major bleeds. My 12 week scan was booked for yesterday when I should have been 12 + 4. Sad times.  

Hi to all the other ladies and thanks again for holding me up and being there.  

AFM- the funeral will be either this week or next. It seems quite bizarre to be perfectly honest, having to arrange a funeral for a baby we never met, felt move or actually know if it as a boy or girl. As long as the service is short, with a Christian blessing, then that is all we want really and to be able to deal with. We are also trying to work around the difficult logistics of trying to work out how an earth we can send our bloods to Athens within 48 hours to get my LAD retested.We could do it through TDL but they are so much more expensive and we are broker than broke.Fortunately, one of the ladies on the Serum thread PMd me, offering to take out our blood as she is off out there on Tuesday and lives in Devon. Tomorrow night we have a 2.5 hour round trip to her house, but it saves us so much hassle. She is an absolute star. 

Finding copious amounts of gin and tonic are helping to numb the numbness at the moment. I have worked throughout this and even had one lady lat week (the biggest b***h in school) proudly announce to me during her appraisal meeting, that she was pregnant. I was so professional ladies. I didn't scream at her that mine had died the week before. I just carried on with her performance management whilst screaming inside.  Off now to look at our accounts and work out how on earth we can pay for the blood tests next week. And thus it begins again.  

B x


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## wobs

Mandypandy - sorry you are here     but hello!

Beth - glad you are managing to get the funeral sorted.  Also sounds like you've got the bloods sorted for serum; one less thing to worry about.  What a nice FF'er to take it for you.  Sounds like a nightmare appraisal meeting.   to you.

Coweyes - don't understand re: probes but assume it'll mean they can do the pgd that you need specifically.  Great news and as you say a step forward.

HBK don't know re: NHS help/funding.  I guess speak to your GP/primary care trust.  I badgered ours for years and eventually got a free cycle when the criteria changed.  Mind you looking back I wish we hadn't waited or gone there as at the end of the cycle i lost an ovary!!  That said however I think it could have happened at any time...We also wasted (age didn't seem an issue then) 1 1/2 years waiting to get the funding.  The money we wanted to save all seems small change now compared to the ARGC!! However it is definitely worth asking as you don't know until you ask.  HBK I don't believe in immunes testing either....however after 6 failures we wanted to feel we had tried everything.  My level 1's tested elsewhere showed nothing.  Level 2's tell a completely different story.  Who knows if this'll make the difference (bitten the bullet and done the IVIg thing the lot   ) but at least we can look back in 5 years time hopefully and not regret it - for us this is what we need to do to get closure I hope....We'll see!

Seemslive4eva - your signature is so sad.  You're one brave lady   

Hi to everyone else - Billabong, Jbox, Han, JBT, Kat, Waikiki, Rosa, Kitten, Pinkpixie and anyone I've forgotten. 
AFM I know I briefly admitted we're mid way through cycle.  Thanks for your good wishes, but now back to head in sand position. Feel surreal but also feels likes its the last shot so, soooo much more pressure.  However am just trying to go with the flow.  Probably won't be posting about it from now on....we'll see!

take care all
Wobs


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## pinkpixie

Hi everyone
HBK - i have been very fortunate with NHS funding but my NHS clinic were not prepared to do any testing even after multiple failures saying it is just down to luck.  So we paid for our own immune testing and have then been lucky enough to get our last NHS go transferred to a private hospital which supports immune treatment.  We are just having to pay for the immune stuff ourselves but it did take a lot of pushing to get the funding transferred and think they only did it cos they got sick of me mithering them   


Beth glad you have managed to get the funeral sorted.  You did so well to hold it together when your collegue told you that.  Please dont feel that you always have to be strong though we are all here for you.   


Mandy - hi have been following your diary and you have certainly been through it   


coweyes glad you are moving forward.


wobs understand the head in the sand admire you for going to ARGC it sounds so intense.


hi to everyone else.


AFM af has finally arrived so need to ring clinic tomorrow and start injecting on tues cant believe it is nearly 2yrs since we have had a fresh go.  Am very worried that i wont respond as have never responded that well for my age and am now obviously quite a few years older than when we started.
h
xx


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## MandyPandy

Thanks for the welcome ladies - you're a truly inspirational bunch!

Coweyes - can you bloody believe we're still here?!

Beth - for all the right reasons, it's lovely to be here with you too.  It's just so, so wrong that either of us are still forum ghosts.    My heart goes out to you and always will.  You're a real inspiration.   You have now and always will have my support if you ever need it.  It is unconditional.

HBK and Pinkpixie - big hugs to you both.  HBK - I'm afraid I don't know about any NHS funding.  We've never even tried it due to my age (we couldn't afford the time of being put on any waiting lists).  PP - All my extremities crossed for a good response for you.  What's your protocol?  I'm a poor responder too but have found that with certain things, I get a better response than initially invisaged.

Wobs -      entirely understand.  xxx


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## pinkpixie

Mandy am on short protocol never tried long but with the addition of metformin, steroids, asprin, extra b6, b12 and high strength folic acid,  intralipids and extra oestrogen and cleaxane and double progesterone pessaries!!!  Have been making an effort with diet and vitamins.  What helped you to respond??


Does anyone know what time of day is best to take steroids?


xx
h


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## MandyPandy

pinkpixie said:


> Mandy am on short protocol never tried long but with the addition of metformin, steroids, asprin, extra b6, b12 and high strength folic acid, intralipids and extra oestrogen and cleaxane and double progesterone pessaries!!! Have been making an effort with diet and vitamins. What helped you to respond??
> 
> Does anyone know what time of day is best to take steroids?
> 
> xx
> h


Steroids should always be taken as early in the morning as possible - any later and they can give you some nasty insomnia.

I think my response was down to the stimms - full whack of fostimon and merional. I've not added metformin before although I have had it years ago to help with thyroid issues so it probably wouldn't hurt to throw it into the IVF mix. I would also really push for intramuscular progesterone in addition to the pessaries. It's not pleasant (but is also not the worst) but it does almost guarantee progesterone levels are good IME. xxx

Oh - and above all else, protein, protein, protein - eggs for breakfast, nuts for a snack, meat for lunch, peanut butter for an afternoon snack and fish and/or chicken for dinner. Also Whey to Go protein in drinks (it's nasty but packed full of protein).... and milk too - it all helps with response and quality.


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## bethholm

Completely agree re protein especially the whey to go brand as that has no additives. I also drank a litre of milk too.

B x


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## MandyPandy

Also if you have clotting issues, try one aspirin a day in addition to the clexane - 1 x 75mg with lunch.


----------



## Nordickat

Mandypandy - I´m afraid you do qualify to join us  . We cycled together in the dim and distant past and I´m sad to see you still on this horrible journey.


Wobs - I have everything quietly crossed for you   


Beth -    I found the whole process of grieving for something you never really had very difficult to deal with. Sometimes it just didn´t feel to me as if I should even be mourning for a baby that I never had. I guess its not just the loss of your baby you have to grieve but for the loss of those hopes and dreams   I hope having a funeral helps you to say goodbye. One thing I have found about IF sufferers is the wonderful lengths that anyone here will go to to look out for each other and offer that unending support. Things like someone taking your sample to Serum makes you realise how lucky we are to know some of the people on here.


Pinkpixie - try melatonin too for improving the quality of the eggs you get. Its 5 years since my first cycle and my response is pretty much the same now as then. Maybe you´ll be like a fine wine   


Coweyes - that sounds like good news. How does pgd work then?


Love to the rest of the family too  . 


I keep coming on to pour my heart out and I never quite manage it. I´m not sure where to start. I´m finding being beaten by IF very hard and its affected everything I do. The feeing of failing to be a mum has filtered through to everything and I´m not even coping as a wife, friend (real life or FF) or researcher any longer. I just can´t work out where I fit into the world anymore when I have nothing to offer and the thought of the next 40/50 years of this life is pretty depressing. I´m in a hole and I just can´t get out. I know I should post on the ´moving on´ board and not here but I feel safer here, I don´t know anybody over there ...... and maybe I don´t want to, maybe I don´t want to make it real, that this is it, this is my future   . I´ve been told to double my meds but I just don´t see how that is going to ´fix´ the problem. NO amount of drug taking is going to make things look OK is it?!


Anyway, I do think of you all even if I´m a little elusive at the moment.   Katxxx


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## bethholm

Kat- of course you are finding it difficult to deal with as not only is IF a major thing in anyone's life but also it has taken up so much of your life too. It will take a while for you to function and also to feel where you fit in with the world as all your focus was on IF. I often feel crap at everything right down to my job- it's natural. When I got both my short lived BFPs I slightly panicked about what I would do without having to cycle and actually having every school holiday that was always IVF treatment, immune treatment or IF operations in one form or another!  Then when I had my MMC the other week, I cried thinking that is actually what I faced again- every holiday taken up with bl***y treatment. Why should you post on the moving on thread? You are part of the family here and you should stay where you feel safe and we are always there for you.   If you are talking about what others have said re doubling dosages etc. maybe you not are not quite there yet re moving on. If you did have one last shot, have you thought of Serum at all (hope you don't mind me throwing that curve ball!)? If you know in your heart it is time to move on, then we will also be there for you here as only you can decide that and sometimes enough is enough.  

Whatever you decide sweetheart, you family here are there for you.                       

Much love

B xxx


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## Nordickat

I´m doubling my happy pills not tx meds. Its time to move on and admit defeat. IF beat me   . 


Thanks for the hugs though and sorry to whine when its my choice to quit. I am aware I´m a quitter and its my choice to stop tx so its tough sh1t really and I shouldn´t complain. If I was as strong as the rest of you then I would carry on, but I´m not that strong and I just can´t do it anymore. I think being a quitter is actually even more lonely than doing tx. Its a self inflicted pain I guess. I should have gone to Serum a couple of years ago and I´ll regret that for the rest of my life I suspect. I just can´t do it now though. I can´t keep hiding behind tx and pretending to myself that it´ll work next time. I have to stop now when there is still some slim chance of me saving my marriage, my career and myself.


I just can´t shake this ´sadness´ though, although sadness doesn´t feel a big enough word for it. Empty nothingness. I feel nothing about anything, not even when I look at my DH. We are going to Canada snowboarding in 3 weeks, how cool is that? And do you know what I feel? Nothing   . Complete indifference. I have a desperate need to run away and hide from the world and never come back.


----------



## bethholm

Kat- have PMd you sweetheart.  

B x


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## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone – not been around for a while, been a very busy Christmas and New Year.

Beth – sent you a pm but also want to say here how very sorry I am about your terrible news - heartbreakingly sad  

Hbkmorris – so sorry to hear of your recent BFN. Terrible news - take good care of yourself   Pleased to hear you’re looking to the future. 

Hi Wobs – thinking of you and wishing you well and understand the head in the sand thing very, very well x 

Pinkpixie – also thinking of you and hoping things are going ok x 

Hi Kat – so good to have you around. Please stay with us, we understand, the stuff you have been thru can’t not affect every part of your life – I’m the same – not quite where you are but I understand. You are not a quitter, you are the brave one, I think stopping is the hardest decision to make x 

Waikiki – good luck with your trip to Serum x 

Seemslike4eva – great news on the weight front, I’ve decided not to step on the scales for a while, finally got rid of my cold so back out running tomorrow!

Welcome to the new ladies, lots of experience and understanding here. Good luck with your appt this week Lil one. Good luck with the hidden C testing Rosa – think I should look into that too. Good advice from MandyPandy – always struggled to get enough protein in me.

I’ve been reading and thinking about my failures and very early mcs and both feel equally sad – we’ve had 15 embryos transferred and it kind of feels like 15 babies have died inside me. Does anyone else feel that way? Not sure why I’m carrying on – if 15 haven’t made it what makes me think the next ones will? Am I ready to do it again if I feel like this? Will I ever feel any different? Hoping I’ll feel more ready to try again after our visits to CRGH, The Lister and Mr Ramsey but not sure I will.

Love to everyone – hope 2012 is better than 2011 x x x


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## coweyes

Nordickat,  i am so sorry that you are feeling so sad, when you look at the greving process i am sure that feeling nothing is the first stage, which kind of makes sence. xxxxxxxxxx

Pgd is when an additional process is used to discard unballanced embryoes, the probe is the thing they make (takes 3 months) to be able to look at the embryo when it is 8 cell and know if its ballanced or unballanced.  Unballanced ones will either not implant, miscarry or their is a slim chance that you could have a baby with difficulties.  In my case i found out after having 2 icsi and a nat fet that i have a balanced translocation, a switch of two chromazines.  In me it only effects my fertility, but it could mean that if i had a baby with out pgd the baby if it survived could have an unknown amount of problems.  Thats not really an issue for me as my dh has low sperm count and i only have one fel tube, so getting pg nat just is not going to happen.  But it also means that all the treatment i have had so far has been pretty pointless.  

Pgd is very complicated and individual, there are only a handful of clinics that do it and the sucess rate is a lower, and the cost to do it is very high!  Half my embryoes will be effected so will have to be distroyed, so there is also a good chance that their will be nothing to transfere!

On a more positve note(kind of!!)  after finding out this news in March, it has allowed me to kind of except that having my own bio child really might not happen.  No matter how hard i find that difficult to say and write, it is true and something that i have to consider and start to face up to.  

Hi everyone else   .xxxx


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## Hbkmorris

Morning guys well what a weekend.. nice to see everyone on hear and thank you for all your support x

Coweyes.. After reading your post I came to realise I may have alot in common with you, I've have 2 failed fresh ICSI cycles with all topr grade embies/blasts the another medicated FET all of which BFN. I now wonder after reading your post if I should do the same and have PGD done on my next fresh cycles as clearly I have a problem where is comes to implantation. I've had all the normal tests done including a hysto and they have all come back fine. My DP has low sperm count but has 2 other children from previous relationship (over 10 years ago) but after an illness 7 years ago his sperm count is now reduced. I to have a clipped tube and 1 blocked tube so a natural conception is NILL.

We are due our review apt on 26th Jan and i'm making a list of questions I wish to answer and as we've paid for all treatments it's now time i fight the PCT for help with further investigations. Do you mind me asking what clinic your at? how expensive was it?. Take care of yourself.. I truly do feel your pain x

longtimewaiting.. I'm not sure how anyone looks forward and keeps trying for that BFP we all long for but one thing I can say is until your ready to get off the rollercoaster you just have to pick yourself up, brush yourself down and keep trying. I feel a failure after only having 5 embies transferred so your a strong mommy to be x

Nordickat.. Your words have made me    I feel your pain in everyway. I've never experienced such rejection, anger & sorrow all rolled into one since starting IVF to the point that I do go through major depression moods swings and blame them all on my DP. I also question if our relationship will stand more tx just as much as our -bank balance.. there is certainly no extra pennies lying around and we've hel back on holidays for the past two years to pay for this. I no longer see myself having a big tummy and giving birth or visulising baby stuff in my house.. instead I see a old, miserable, grumpy lady sat there just being bitter & twisted about everything. All I can say is that sometimes we have to see beyond sadness and realise that there is a purpose to life although it doens't tick every box we dreamed of. If we can't move on then I have decided with or without my DP I shall look into fostering as I do have alot of love to give and a wonderful family to share and somewhere out there there are children whom are desperate to be cared for. Try & find you and yoru hubby once again and have a fab holiday x

bethholm.. I'm pleased to read you have your funeral all booked, it is and will continue to be such a hurtful pain but from making forward plans helps to keep your mind at ease along with the G&T's of course   . I pray to god that your blessing full fills your hearts once again and puts peace to what has been a terrible, upsetting & heartbreaking few weeks. God bless you x

MandyPandy.. Welcome to you, I have spoke to before on cycling threads.. Sorry you find yourself on hear.. just like the rest of us we never thought it would be us! It's a bummer when we don't all get at least one freebie on the NHS after all we've all paid into the sytem for chuffin sake. All i'm going to do is ask if they will pay for some of level 1's and we'll pay the karyotype as this is non standard. My GP has said that they can if they request my GP to do but I guess they won't as they like to say NO quite alot!! I started with long prot got cancelled and then had two fresh Flare prot which worked really well for me so I shall always remain with that one. How are you anyhow? Do you have a "next plan"? x

pinkpixie.. Gosh how lucky are you, were you at an NHS hospital before hand? My hospital is NHS but also treat private paitents so it'll be interesting to see what thay have to say about this and also if they will support me should I need immunes drugs. I do fear the worse and I am already looking at other clinics local to me but the extra expense is frightening.. ICSI can increase to another £1500 which I find to be outrageous.. Good luck to you, I shall be watching you like a hawk    x

AFM.. well i'm looking into other clinics, I'm going to ring a Lister today to see how much they charge for immunes tests & also Dr Gorgy again as last time no one could give me an approx price. Do any of you know what level 2's cost at Dr Gorgy? I don't think I'll be restarting until end of july due to money and lack of fitness!! I'd like to lose NO I AM GOING TO LOSE 2 & half stone before going again x


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## seemedlike4eva

oh my lovely friends, wish I could wipe away   for you all.
PinkPixie, when you take your steroids - in the morning - you MUST have something to eat, or at least a glass of milk with them, otherwise you will have killer indigestion. 
MandyPandy, welcome!
Wobs,   that in a few weeks time, you'll be popping in with some good news for us xx
HBK, now is probably a good time to get pestering the PCT, as they soon have their 2012-13 funding in the bank, as of April. Good Luck. I hate the unfairness of the male partner's children counting against you.
Kat,   , I can identify with lots of what you're saying, but like you, haven't come to the answers yet. Nor do I know how to penetrate the numbness, but hope it helps to know that we care about you. 
Beth,   
Hello to Coweyes & LTW.
 to the rest of the gang xx


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## coweyes

Hbkmorris


Pgd is only used to detect a certain chromazone issue, so will be no good for general ivf.  There is another technology think its called cgh array ( or something similar) with this they count to check  the embryo has the correct amount of chromazones, I know this is used for reaccuring miscarrage. Pgd is costing £9000 and it's at guys hosp in lOndon


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## wobs

Ladies     
Kat - so sad to read your post   I think at the number of treatments you have had you are perfectly entitled to feel it's time to stop.  I'm pretty much there myself I think.  I think we all know when we are?  take care of yourself

Wobs


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## pinkpixie

Kat will pm you   


hbk - the CRG array that coweyes mentioned is carried out by CARE at manchester and i think nottingham.  I managed to get my gp to do level ones she agreed but haemotologist didnt do all the tests ordered beacuse if certain levels are classed as normal then they wont do the further tests even though you need them for fertility investigation.  I ended up going to Care for level 2's and it worked out cheaper to have all the level 1's redone than just have the missing ones done all in it cost about £2k i think i can check if you want as have the invoice somewhere.  Even though issues were found by my level 2's i am still sceptical.  My first 2 cycles were at a private hospital becasue our NHS hospital was shut and outsourced it all to a private one whilst they were refurbishing, next 3 were at St Marys which is only NHS am now at Care which is mainly private unless you manage to get funding transferred.  It is def worth fighting i learnt to keep hassling them, i wrote and emailed and when our first application was rejected i went in to speak to someone which although didnt change the decsion when i reappealed i think it helped that i had met them so wasnt just a name when they were making a decision.


Mandy thanks for the advice have always struggled getting protein in me as have been veggie since 16 for that reason have recently started eating chicken.  Am now sat here with strawberry milk and brazil nuts    have stocked up on nuts to take to work as well.


longetimewaiting - yes i feel like that it does feel like you have lost babies as healthy embryos have been replaced so they should have grown into your babies.


coweyes what is next in your treatment


hi to everyone else


xx
h


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## Rosa1939

Hello everyone,

Sorry I have been quiet, I have been keeping an eye on the boards and following the posts, but finding it all a bit overwhelming!  

Beth, I hope your little one's funeral will bring you some sense of peace, I hope you start to feel better soon.  Stay strong.

Kat, I too identify with alot of what you are feeling, like nothing in life means much. I try to take it one day at a time and that helps, after all, no one knows what will happen in the future.  It kind of brings a feeling of calm and peace and some perspective on the situation.

Hello to everyone else, hello to Mandy, I'm also new and everyone is lovely and very kind and understanding.  I hope everyone is doing ok.  I do think of everyone here often but don't come on every day as I try and put infertility to the back of my mind sometimes, otherwise my head just spins.

Wobs - I hope all is going to plan, my fingers are firmly crossed for you.

I have cancelled my appt at CRM for this Weds, my husband and I have been talking and I think that we are going to have an OE cycle at Serum in Greece, possibly in March/April.  I have read some amazing things about that place we feel its the way forward for us.  There is a long post that a lady named Agate has posted (I'm not sure how to find it again and post here if anyone is interested), the post is really in depth and it has persuaded us to go for it.  I sent my sample off to Serum for hidden C last week, still not arrived according to the Post Office tracker, hopefully it won't get lost and once they come back to me with results I will enquire about IVF treatment there.    I'm also going to ask about Level 1 and 2 tests, it seems like there is no point in doing more treatment witout doing these tests, i guess if we go ahead  we will do them through Dr Gorgy?  Money is an issue but we'll just have to save even harder than we do!

I hope everyone is keeping strong and marching forward, its all we can do.  

Take care,

Rx


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## Hbkmorris

Afternoon Ladies

Thank you *seemslike4eva*.. I've sent an email but until I can get my consultant to fill in a funding application then they won'e even look at me. I've asked 3 or 4 times now but my cons still won't complete it as she reckons having one tube clipped & the other blocked isn't "exceptional" the fact is it doesn't matter whom my partner is whether is gots kids or not (he has two prom previous relationship and I'm not allowed to have anything to do with them.. absolute NOTHING) I will not beable to conceive naturally so WTF x

*coweyes*.. OMG £9k for just the testing? blimey oh riley that's a fortune.. Good luck hope it works out for you hun x

*wobs*.. I hope your ok, you to have been through so much x

*pinkpixie*.. Thanks for your info, I have spoke to Care notts and all be it great to have them all done but the cost is somewhat to high for my liking.. If I do it myself and pay hospitals I can get level 1's done for £550 and then with Dr Gorgy the level 2's (depending on results of level 1's) is around £900. I'm going to wait until I see my clinic and then I've booked to visit another clinic who's having an open evening on that night so I shall ask them the question before I make drastic decissions x

*Rosa1939*.. Your on my wave length I've looked into serum to and i have god the prices & info for a hidden c test with Locus Medicus, there charging 90 euros.. how much is serum and if you don't mind me asking did you send it off in a cool bag or a bubble bag with a cool patch in? How much was it using Royal Mail? sorry for all the questions I'm just trying to work out where to send my bits!

x


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## Rosa1939

HBK -  just a quickie to reply to your hidden c question, I am doing my test through Serum in Greece.  I followed Penny's instructions which she emailed to me.  I put the sample (in a sterile pot from chemist), in bubble wrap and then in a small box (I also sellotaped it down so it would not move about whilst being transported).  I did not use a cool box and was not advised by Penny to do so.  I sealed it all up and took it to the post office.  They weighed it, asked how much it was worth (i said £10.00!) and then paid £6.88 to have it sent special, which means i can track it and it would take 3 working days.  This was on Friday and I checked today and it does not look like it has arrived in Greece yet, I hope i have not made a mistake by not using fed ex, we'll see.  The cost of the hidden c test via Serum is 100 euros, I am also having mycoplasma, ureaplasma and general bacterial load test, which is another 170 euros.
rx


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## bethholm

Hi Hbkmorris- we are off to Serum for Cycle 7 as we have been blown away by Peny's compassion and care. In all the time I have been following the Serum thread, there has never been a bad word said against the clinic or the lady herself. I had the hidden C test done, but did it through TDL so they sent it off for me. I have also been with Mr G and have spent thousands with him. Several ladies, including myself, have had a few problems with this clinic and now, when I can, I go through Peny as she also looks into immunes as well. I can't rate her enough. The level 2 tests through Mr G cost around £1500 and I managed to get most of my level 1s through a sympathetic GP as he was furious that I was denied IVF as I was a year off the cut off age (3 and DH had 2 children (but I didn't have any!!!!) Sadly it took me a long time to find Mr Right!

Rosa- we are hoping to cycle March/April too at Serum- hopefully we can be there together.   I would do your immunes through Peny and not Mr G.Will PM you about this if you want?

B x


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## Rosa1939

Hey Beth,

Some info on immunes would be gratefully appreciated if you have the time but please don't worry if not, I know you have such a huge amount on your plate at the moment.  

Penny sounds like an amazing woman and I have a good feeling about her and the clinic (whatever the outcome, I'm still realistic!).  I have not actually discused a cycle with penny yet but we are hoping for March/April, it would be amazing to meet someone from FF out there!  
x


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## bethholm

Rosa- glad to help. Will PM you later re immunes when I get home from work.

B x


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## coweyes

No £9000 for the whole treatmen, so it's not quite that bad!


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## wobs

hbk - my GP did my level 1 immunes for me...just asked for specific tests to be done.  Then had level 2s done at ARGC  £700/800 ish I think from memory.

Rosa/Beth - I hear nothing but praise for Serum.   

ttfn
Wobs


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## seemedlike4eva

HBK     to your consultant, it's only a bl** *y form, and not like its HIS own money you're after. Grrr.
I've read in other threads from those who've contacted Serum, that Peny may offer a 'cover all' treatment for the most common immune issues, without doing the expensive, detailed tests.
Really hope every one is doing OK x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Ahhhhhh – finding the inefficiency of the medical profession exasperating! I went to the GP to get our karyotype test results yesterday (our bloods were taken in Nov and our GP had chased the results on 9 Dec) to find that the bloods were put in the wrong tubes! AND the letter telling my GP they had gone in the wrong tubes on 2 Dec somehow got lost! Even our rubbish consultant said ‘this sort of thing can happen to anyone but for some extraordinary reason it always seems to happen to this couple’. We have the worst luck in the world when it comes to IF, so many BFNs AND we seem to get the absolute worst of all the little mistakes along the way.

I’ve booked our appt with Mr Ramsey on the basis that we would have the karyotype results (he has asked for them) – should I try and postpone seeing Mr Ramsey until I can sort this out or go ahead anyway? I want to make sure we use our time with him as efficiently as possible (like everything, it has to be paid for).

Hi to everyone - Coweyes, Hbkmorris, Nordickat, Bethholm, MandyPandy, Pinkpixie, Seemslike4eva, Rosa1939, Wobs, anyone else around at the moment. Lots of interesting stuff on immunes and where to go – Serum sounds good.

xxx


----------



## bethholm

Longtimewaiting- soooooooooooo frustrating for you! I personally would wait for all your results to be in as one result can completely throw all the others too and could be the missing piece of the very expensive jigsaw.

AFM- tired (but happy for them at the same time!) of reading about pregnant ladies (and even on threads that I think are 'safe'), especially the ones that got their BFPs at the same time as me. Even the ladies who I recommended having hystos with Peny got pregnant and some are even having triplets or twins, so longtimewaiting, I feel unlucky too! When will it be our break?!!!!! We also got my LAD results back yesterday as Peny thought that my MMC could be down to an immune flare and guess what, it was wasn't, so we are no nearer than the truth than before but 120 euros worse off. Now worrying that I will manage to get pregnant but will always MC. Still waiting for a funeral date and it is dragging on and on with no closure.

Love to all.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW, I think karotyping is to do with genetic stuff? If you're having a private appointment to discuss treatment & how to make it work, then I'd definitely hang on until those tests are repeated, fingers crossed all will be well, but you don't want to waste money if it turns out that they hold the answer. Your GP should even make sure they're fast tracked as much as possible.
Beth    for you, hope there's a funeral date soon to help you move forward.
 everyone,
Have a good weekend peeps xxx


----------



## coweyes

Seemslike4ever. Your def right. This is the situation I found myself in. I had 2 x icsi and one fet, changed clinics and they checked my karotyping and foUnd out to there suprise that I have a chromazone problem. All that treatment was wasted! Ltw def check it out before u start treatment or your treatment will be a waste of tim if they find out there is a problem. X


----------



## Sarah1712

Hi ladies hope you dont mind me joining in. As you can see from my sig i had my bfn in november last year but 2 months on and it seems im struggling even more. Im desperate to have tx again but cant afford it but also am too overweight to try the nhs route. I feel like im stuck in limbo land. I feel like im resenting my husband as he is getting on with things, going to work etc etc and its always me who mentions things. Id love for us to fall naturally but the chances are slim but nit impossible. Im also trying to lose some weight and i know that no weight loss = no nhs tx but its just so hard. I have 5 stone to lose and feel like a rabbit in headlights, just dont know where to start. 

Am i being neurotic or is this feeling totally normal?


----------



## Hbkmorris

Sarah your not on your own with the weight situ! I can't have nhs funding for other reasons but I've decided I need to lose 2-3stone before I try again so I'm joining slimming world on Monday night.. Just hope I can work with the diet if not I'll have to try drastic measurres. 

Good luck and you shall be full supported by me x 

Love to everyone else.. I'm on my phone so sorry it's sort & sweet x


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## wobs

Hi ladies

LTW - how annoying about the karotyping results.  I seem to recall ours took a lot of chasing too as they weren't used to doing them!!! I think if you can face waiting another month or so it might be worth it!  Your GP sounds as if he/she is helpful - maybe as seemslike4eva says they could be fast-traked.  

Sarah - sorry for your BFN.  Re; the weight - I am sure there is a forum on here somewhere about weight loss?  Maybe some people who have some better advice than me    Men can often bottle things up more.  It is totally normal to feel like this?  Why don't you see your GP and work out a diet plan together?  I imagine it seems like an unsummountable hurdle at the moment, but even if you start working towards it I am sure you will feel better.    Maybe take small steps at a time and you will feel you are moving closer to your goals?  Anyway   

Beth - hope you can get the date sorted soon!   

Hope everyone else doing ok
Wobs


----------



## Sarah1712

Thanks ladies for your replies. I have been to my GP regarding weight and believe me the nhs are rubbish. You get 2 sessions with a dietician, ive had one and it was a waste of time. Ended up coming out with half a tree of leaflets most of which i already knew. Ive tied slimming world and weight watchers, all of which were ok for me but i couldnt stick to it. I am trying to up the exercise and going 3 times a week ( have only been doing this a week though!)
As for tx, i feel in total despair. At the moment all rationale has gone out of the window. I know i have to be patient but my sisin law has just had a baby ( on my birthday) and im struggling with that too. Im trying to see her moree so i can get used to the idea but its slow progress. Im unmotivated too because im just so heart broken that it didnt work. I also hate the nhs because being overweight for me has not had any fertility implications whatsoever. Implantation just didnt happen. Oh i dont know im reading so many books etc and i think im just confusing myself. 
Thanks for advice on weight forum on here, have found it just not quite plucked up courage to enter yet!

Soz ladies for the me post but feel like i dont really have anyone to turn to at the moment. Everyone tells me to be patient but this is not something that is in my nature but i am trying!


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## wobs

Sarah well done on the exercising 3 times a week - sounds great.  You will get there.  
I know this probably doesn't help but you do at least have age on your side - when you are ready for treatment at least you won't have aged eggs liked me    It's hard not to read too much stuff in books and google - I think we've all been there but now you have a goal you can focus on that first.  Good luck and well done on starting the exercises...
This is probably totally random and not relevant at all but in a bid to help lower one of my immunes levels (again too much googling) I cut out all refined sugar and only ate sugar in the form of fruit - easier than you think - there are lots of yummy fruit only bars about.  Also started trying to eat protein with most meals or a protein snack like peanut butter on toast as opposed to jam on toast - and over the course of several months lost about a stone (without trying - was v suprised!).  I was seriously surprised as I'm not good at losing weight but am lucky I guess in that I tend to stick around the same give or take a stone or so....I had tried some 'diets' a few years ago to shift the extra but it had never worked.  I also do feel healthier and better for it.  So while I have not cut out sugar completely now I will try and use jam with fruit sugar in only etc... and only have the occasional sweet thing.  Who knows - was is the fact I stopped eating cakes/biscuits   (probably!) or the no sugar?  I don't know..... NHS doesn't sound particularly helpful I have to say.  Anyway I hope you find an eating plan that works for you.
It sounds like the right thing to being seeing your sil and baby; hard though.  (Sorry if I have waffled too much Sarah - I'm a teacher - therefore very bossy and always looking for solutions!   Sometimes not helpful I know...but I can't help myself!)

Hi everyone else.  Hope your weekends are ok.

Big hugs to Kat      Don't know if you're reading, but hope you're doing ok..

Wobs


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone 

Thanks for making me see sense ladies – will cancel appt tomorrow. At least the train tickets we booked won’t be wasted as we’re going to The Lister open evening anyway. Have to focus on looking at The Lister and CRGH for now - whilst doing whatever it takes to get our bloods in the right tubes!

Beth – surely our luck has to change in 2012. I very much hope so. Peny at Serum sounds like she’ll be a great help for you. How do you travel to Athens? I had a look and couldn’t see any flights from Exeter or Bristol. 

Just want to say I’m ok with pregnant ladies here (don’t want to put them off posting), with multiple BFNs they’ve all been through so much, but I’m with you when it comes to newbies getting pregnant first, or even second time, I’d prefer to avoid them – so I’m quite dependent on you lot here! 

Hope you manage to organise a funeral for your little one soon  

Hi Coweyes – you must have been so angry to find out about your chromosome problem after going through so much. Good you have some answers and can try PGD now – hope you don’t have to wait too long for tx. 

Welcome Sarah1712 – be kind to yourself and DH, 2 months isn’t long to deal with your grief, we’ve all been there lots of times and it often takes many, many months to recover. I’ve often found I desperately want to get on with the next tx in the first few months and DH just wants the dust to settle and create some space – never feels like it at the time but with hindsight, he’s often right. Men generally deal with things differently to us! I know you probably hear it often and it can be very annoying but, like Wobs said, you have time on your side. Try to give yourself time and best of luck with the weight loss, exercise and getting to know the new baby in the family – none of it easy x


----------



## bethholm

Hi Longtimewaiting- forgot that you live near me as I think you've been in touch with Winegum. Let me know if you ever fancy a catch up! We fly to Athens from Gatwick as flights are far too expensive from Bristol. I pray for the day that Exeter actually flies to anywhere remotely useful!!!!    I don't mind at all any of 'our family' on this thread posting or talking about their BFPs as we have all been though hell and back to get there and that is different. We are a bunch of unique women! It's, like you said, the IVF virgins who either get pregnant on their 1st cycle or those who get pregnant on their first with twins. Everyone I recommended to go and have a hysto with Peny got pregnant too and all but one are still pregnant, including one with triplets. Just feel really p***ed off with the world at the moment and somewhat cynical. I have my first session with the maternity bereavement counsellor tomorrow so we will see how that goes. One of my recommendations to her will be to train the nurses not to ask if you have considered adoption within 10 mins of waking up from an ERPC after just hearing that you have miscarried... Just a suggestion...

AFM- Funeral now booked for Thursday 26th January. It is only ten minutes long; a simple blessing and very short Christian service. I can't imagine how I will get through even that short amount of time, especially as there will be a coffin, but I know that I will have to. 

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome sarah 1712, sorry that this is the club you've had to join    the weight loss thread from this section  has been locked, and those of us posting there have been redirected to a 'hidden' section, now been waiting almost a week to be accepted onto it. Yep, I know as much about diets as I do BFNs. Well done on the exercise, it will help, I was lucky enough to get my NHS with a BMI of 39, cos they never made me step on the scales...even tho I looked nothing like Twiggy    I finally joined Slimming World last Jan, it worked well as I love pasta, and could eat as much as I liked, but now on weight watchers for the flexibility,  portion control   but it's a much slower loss now. You'll do it girl.
HBK, hope you enjoyed the intro to Slimming World.
LTW, hope the open evening at the Lister is helpful and informative 
Signing off now as DH has just dished up dinner - low fat cottage pie..
xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

It's quiet round here... is everyone OK?
Beth   for the run-up to next thursday.
I'm psyching myself up to booking next cycle, but short on hope & PMA at the moment. I know I'm not ready to quit, but just keep thinking of the BFN after.


----------



## pinkpixie

Beth glad you managed to get it sorted will be thinking of you    


Seemslike4eva - i think it has hard when you have had so many BFN's to ever feel that it will work but we just have to keep plodding on!!!


Wobs how are u??


LTW hope you manage to get all ur tests sorted it amazes me how things never seem to be straightforward and people cant do their jobs


hi to everyone else sorry for sort post am reading just not posting much at mo think i am in denial about this cycle but ec is scheduled for sat so it is here ready or not!!!
xx
h


----------



## Rosa1939

Hello everyone, 

Beth, I hope your counselling session went well.  I'm glad to hear that you have your date for your little one's funeral now, I hope this will help you find some peace.  You will find a way to get through the day, keep going and stay strong.  I'll be thinking of you on the 26th.

Hello to Sarah1712. I'm quite new to this site and this thread and everyone here is very kind, understanding extremely helpful.

Wobs, I hope all is going to plan.  Thinking of you.

Kat, hope you are doing ok?

Hello to everyone else.

I've been busy at work and not had much time to log on or even of an evening  (have a quiet moment or two now!).  Hope everyone is doing ok and marching onwards and upwards.

Rx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone 

Oddly Mr Ramsey’s secretary called to postpone our appointment – so I guess seeing him in Feb just wasn’t meant to be!

Hi Beth – I’ll pm you about a catch up. More than understandable you’re hacked off with life – hope it went well with the counsellor and I’ll be thinking of you on the 26th   

Hi Seemslike4eva – know just where you are, how do we find the strength to carry on going?   

Hi Pinkpixie – denial is ok, keeps the panic at bay! Let us know how EC goes – wishing you all the luck in the world. 

I’m continually surprised at how many mistakes can be made! You’ve got to have the patience of a saint in this IF game. I get very annoyed by mistakes that could be avoided but am doing my very best to go with the flow and stay calm – not easy amongst a world of numpties!

Hi Nordickat - not heard from you for a while, hope things are bearable x 

Hi Wobs – still thinking of you lots, hope the waiting isn’t driving you too crazy x 

Hi to others around at the moment - Coweyes, Hbkmorris, MandyPandy, Rosa1939, Sarah1712, Waikiki x x x


----------



## wobs

Hi everyone

LTW - well that's good really isn't it re: the appointment!  One less thing to worry about!

Pink pixie - assume you triggered last night.  Good luck for EC

Beth - hope counselling was helpful.

Hi everyone else!   

Wobs


----------



## kitten77

hi to everyone, but a massive but quite GOOD LUCK for Pink pixie.


----------



## Rosa1939

Yes, good luck Pinkpixie, I hope all goes smoothly for you!

Hello everyone else

x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Pink pixie, everything crossed for you.
Wobs,  for good news
Beth, hope you manage some chill-out time over the weekend, although I know it'll be difficult with thursday ahead.
Kitten, hope you're doing Ok still, time must be flying for you.
Nordikat, thinking of you
LTW, at least Mr Ramsey can't moan at you for cancelling, and it gives you chance to collate all the results.
HBK, Coweyes, Rosa, sarah, waikiki   
Meeting best friend for lunch tomorrow, will enjoy that as she is childless, by choice, the ultimate career girl, so won't have my face rubbed in what i haven't got - if that makes sense!


----------



## bethholm

Pink Pixie-good luck today sweetheart.Thinking of you.

B x


----------



## naisher30

Hi ladies,
Been aware of this site for a while now - and sadly feel I qualify for a 'veteran'...

We've had 4 x ICSI and 2 x FET treatment cycles (DP - soon to be DH is paraplegic) 
ICSI 1 = 1 day 2 embryo BFN
FET 1 = 2 transferred BFN
ICSI 2 = cancelled due to overresponse / risk of OHSS. No EC
ICSI 3 = 1 x Blastocyst BFN
FET 2 = No transfer due to Blast not surviving thaw
ICSI 4 = zero fertilisation. Nada. Nil. Nought. 

So - that was last April! Since then we've moved house, booked our wedding and tried to get life back on track. Then xmas hit. Then my hormones decided they wanted another go. THEN came the onslaught of pregnancy announcements. Bridesmaids 1 AND 2. Florist. Reader. My life feels like some crappy drama - that has become almost laughable due to it's crapness!  Desperate to go again now - which is a bit tricky with a wedding in 4 months time! We have a follow up next month at the clinic - but our results are sooooo all over the place I'm not sure what his avice will be! 

Ugghhh. Pass the wine and chocolate...! 
Thank you for reading and being one of only a few people (IVF mates are now mostly all pregant...) who still understand. 

Naisherxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Thank you all so much for your well wishes the consideration and kindness of all your ladies keeps amazing me and i am so glad to have found you all.


Naisher welcome and yes we do understand xxx


hi to everyone else


AFM had ec yesterday have been shocked how sore i am!!! 9 collected 7 fertilised waiting for another phone call tomorrow to see how they are doing.  The embroyologist was lovely but raised concerns that we have never gone to blast so am now panicing that there is something wrong with my eggs which jasnt been apparent before.  On a good note although DH count is still low his motility is now above average!!!!


love to you all
xxx


----------



## wobs

Hi Naisher.  First of all congrats on your upcoming wedding (exciting). Sorry to read about your struggles.  
We're here if you just want to off-load, chat or want advice.  There's quite a lot of experience (sadly) between us from male to female factor and lots of different clinics too.  Totally understand how it feels when everyone else around you seems to be getting pregnant.   Think we've all been there & I guess cope with it in different ways.  Not sure what I do really except solider on   Oh dear... not much useful advice there.

Pinkpixie - just read your post.  Great news!!!  Well done.  Don't worry about what the embryologist said - they often say off-hand things not knowing we will then over-analyse and google everything!!! Keeping everything crossed for you.

I hope everyone has had peaceful weekends.   to those who need them, especially Kat

bye for now
Wobs


----------



## Nordickat

pinkpixie - well done you. I hope those babies continue to divide and conquer.
Naisher - I´m sorry to see that you do qualify to join us. Welcome to the fold though.
Beth -   be thinking of you on Thursday


Sorry thats it for personals. I´ll read through properly later this week and find where you all are. I´ve been in hospital for a couple of weeks and lost touch a bit. I also underestimated how hard coming home would be and overestimated my own strength and I´m finding being back in the real world again incredibly difficult ....... and thats before I´ve even gone back to work!


Love to you all, 
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Well done pinkpixie   for some perfect embies.
Hello, and welcome Naisher, I've just got rid of all the wine and chocolate to help the diet, but think that may have been a bad move..Sometimes I think botox must be the answer to all these pregnancy announcements, if your face is frozen you can't react in any way, but not a good look for the wedding pix   
Nordikat,   . i'm in & out of hospital quite a lot with my condition, and I really don't think people realise how vulnerable you are when you come out, it's like the moment you're through the front door, then normal service should resume.    for strength for each day at a time for you.
We've had a stressful weekend, window smashed on car, by the world's thickest thief, left the valuable stuff, like my blue badge, DH's driving licence, tax disc, just found DHs crappy mobi & nicked that. Happened while we were in church, the day the Bishop visited, so that's left him with a lovely impression!


----------



## Rosa1939

Pinkpixie, that's really great news getting 7 fertilised eggs, everything is crossed that they continue on to perfect embryos (and then perfect babies).  

Naisher30, welcome, sorry you have to be here at all and all you have been through, I understand how you are feeling.  I'm always bracing myself for pregnancy announcements, there are literally always at least 5 pregnant ladies at any one time at work, getting caught off guard can be hard!  Congratulations on your upcoming wedding too, that's something wonderful to look forward to.

Seemlike4ever, sorry to hear about your car, things like that are infuriating and the last thing you need at the best of times!

NordicKat, I'm sorry you have had a rocky couple of weeks, I hope you start to feel better in time.  Try to keep strong, I know that this is much easier said than done, but tomorrow is another day, things can always change for the better, no matter how low you are feeling at this moment.  Keep going.

Beth, Wobs hello, hope you are both doing ok.  Hello also to everyone else.

rx


----------



## wobs

Morning ladies

Kat - lovely to see you post.  Glad you are home.Think Rosa and Seemslike4eva have said it all.  Take care of yourself

Pinkpixie   

Seemslike4eva - sorry to hear about the car - how horrible

hi Rosa and everyone else

Wobs


----------



## bethholm

PinkPixie - fabulous EC and fertilisation. Keeping everything crossed.  

Kat- so sorry to hear that you have been in hospital. Thinking of you as always.  

Naisher- welcome to this wonderful thread. You will find us all incredibly supportive (and cynical too!) on here!   It does seem like the whole world is getting pregnant at the moment. Everyone who got pregnant last May when I did (then had a MMC) and in November (and had my 2nd MMC at the end of December) are still pregnant despite bleeds etc. I am always the odd one out so I know how you feel! 

Seemsike4ever -  have you PMd me as haven't got it? Hope you are ok.  

AFM- DH wrote the letter to our LO this weekend to put in the casket for the funeral this Thursday. His subject is English, like mine and therefore the letter was somewhat heart wrenching. Up until then, DH has not really shown any signs of grieving as he tends to keep his emotions to himself but this weekend was the first time that he actually broke down and really cried to me as he read out the letter. Even though it was very upsetting to see (as in all the time we have been together, he has only cried the once) it made me feel that I was not grieving on my own. It really has felt this way up until then and I felt so alone in my grief. 

Hi to all the other ladies-thinking of you all.  

Love to all

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello lovelies,
Had a wonderful afternoon, went to see Cinderella, with Brian Conley and Lynda Bellingham, fab production. Not too full of kids, either, tues matinee is obviously geriatric special! 
Beth, I'm OK, haven't sent any PMs this week, cos this laptop keeps playing up, & I got fed up of losing things, so I may well have set out with one that vanished..  Glad your DH is sharing the grief with you, and you have the chance to place special things in the casket.
Pinkpixie,   all is still good.
Nordikat, hoping each day is easier to face, and you're feeling stronger.


lots of    to everyone, got to go to a meeting about a community project I'm involved in setting up, wish it wasn't tonight but weds & thurs eves are also booked, oh well..


----------



## pinkpixie

hi everyone
just wanted to say to beth that will be thinking of you on thurs   


kat glad you are out take it slowly xxx


hi to everyone else
xx
h


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone

Hi Pinkpixie –  9 eggs and 7 embryos is brilliant! Hope you’re feeling ok and wishing you well with ET tomorrow.

Hi Kat – lovely to hear from you. Always thinking of you – you were so brilliantly welcoming with kind and insightful words when I first came here. Look after yourself and I hope things slowly feel better with each day x x x 

Hi Wobs – hope things are ok – you seem to be surviving the waiting ok! I’m having second thoughts about ARGC at the moment! I went thru all my tx paperwork and binned all the non-essential stuff and I found a note I’d written when speaking to a consultant at a Bristol open evening – she recommended ARGC. If you have the time/energy/inclination to pm I’d love to hear about it all to think about whether there is any way I could manage it.

Hi Betholm – I’m so pleased you and DH have shared your grieving. I’m sure facing the funeral together knowing how he feels will make such a difference. Feeling alone is a dangerous spiral – I know we all have each other here – but sharing a few tears with my DH after m/c felt such an amazing relief. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Hi Seemslike4eva – pain about the car, it’s always a nightmare sorting out the damage.

Welcome Naisher30 – lots of very kind people here who have been thru the mill like you. Let us know what they say at your follow up appt next month. Hope your wedding gives you something else to focus on – I know that’s one of the big reasons we got married, we just wanted something nice to do in amongst all the hideousness of tx, we’d been together 10 years and never thought of getting married before!

AFM – I got a letter from my GP today, he’s found out exactly what’s required for the karyotyping test, has asked us to come in and see the senior nurse and him together over a double appt to make sure they get it right! Feel like at least some people in medicine can make the effort to go the extra mile to get things right! So moving forward slowly but surely. I’m also thinking of popping into ARGC while we’re in London next week checking out CRGH to pick up one of their brochures and get a feel for the place.

Hi to Kitten77, Rosa1939 and anyone else around x x x


----------



## Rosa1939

Hello,

Beth, I just wanted to say to you that I will be thinking of you and your husband tomorrow.  Be strong. xx

Longtimewaiting,  I wanted to also wish you well with your GP appointment, i hope you get some answers soon and can move forward.

Hello to all, hope everyone is doing well.

Rxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you Rosa1939 x

Also ment to say earlier - after filling out an IF survey I've been sent a template letter to send to my MP about NHS funding for tx which I've sent off today. Thought others might want to use it so am copying it here.

Love to everyone x x x

Home Address
Address 1
Address 2
Address 3
Postcode

[Insert date]

[Name] [Surname] MP
House of Commons
London
SW1A 0AA

Dear Dr/Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms [insert name of MP]

As one of your constituents, I am writing to you with grave concerns about the future of fertility services in my area.

It is my understanding that the new NHS commissioning arrangements will soon begin to take shape.

As you may or may not be aware, there currently exists a post-code lottery for couples seeking In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) treatment on the NHS. This is despite guidance issued by the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) calling on all Primary Care Trusts (PCTs) to provide 3 full cycles of IVF treatment to eligible couples. Furthermore, some PCTs impose strict eligibility criteria, such as age and weight restrictions, which further limit patient access to treatment. Indeed, this is the only example I can think of where an accepted medical intervention is routinely rationed. I strongly believe local level commissioning of fertility services would only serve to widen this post-code lottery, further entrenching inequalities in the health service.

[Below paragraph optional - please insert/delete as appropriate]

GPs are by definition very knowledgeable on a wide range of medical conditions. However, from my own personal experience, infertility is not one of them. Having attempted unsuccessfully to become pregnant naturally for [insert length of time prior to seeking medical guidance] I consulted with my GP, Dr [insert GP name] on [insert (approximate) data of first appointment]. I found [him/her] largely sympathetic but ultimately unhelpful. [He/She] did not appear to be knowledgeable on the subject of infertility and [please insert as much information as possible regarding your own personal experience. In particular please describe any delays or barriers to treatment you may have experienced]. Local commissioning may suit other clinical needs, but experiences such as mine demonstrate the lack of preparedness and willingness amongst GPs to take on this area of responsibility.

Ultimately, infertility is a medical condition. Patients with this condition deserve access to the medical treatment which can help treat them. The Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley has acknowledged this, and was quoted as saying the NHS has a responsibility to provide fertility services. Furthermore the Prime Minister has called on PCTs to adhere to the NICE guideline and provide 3 full cycles of IVF. If we are to, at the very least, protect the standard of service in place today, national commissioning is the only way forward.

I very much look forward to your reply. Thank you for taking the time to read through my concerns.

Kind regards,

{Signature}

[Insert name]


----------



## ruthybee

Hi,

Please can I join?  We are just preparing to start our last FET cycle in April.   that it works this time!!

Ruthybee


----------



## waikiki

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately, but really am just popping on to send lots of love and strength to Beth for today.     I know it will be a very difficult day for you hun, but I hope that at the same time it will help you and DH to acknowledge your little one and the brief time that you all spent together.    

Wobs - can't be long to go now, am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Kat - thinking of you hun and hoping that things are getting better.


----------



## Nordickat

thinking of you today Beth    


Thanks everyone for you kind words   


Ruthy - welcome to our cosy family


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth, have been thinking of you a lot today, and   
Ruthy, welcome   
Pinkpixie    hope it went well today.
Nice to see you Waikiki
LTW, at last, medics doing something sensible. So sad that this is the 'exception', not the 'norm'.
Wobs, any news?
Hiya to Kat, Rosa, kitten xx


----------



## Nordickat

beth - you ok?   
  to everyone else.
 to everyone who reads but doesn´t post ........ we know you are out there   

I´m away on holiday tomorrow for a couple of weeks of snowboarding. I´m hoping to come back a new woman, or at least with the strength to post a bit more on here.

Take care all. I´ll be hoping with all my might that I come back to read of some wonderful news on here when I get back   
love, Katxxx

PS. DH dropped a bombshell while I was in hospital - he doesn´t want to use our icebaby   . Not sure what I´m supposed to feel about it? Just empty right now but I know the day will come where he says we should destroy it and I´m very scared that it will destroy me too   . I understand his reasons but I´m not sure I can destroy our last glimmer of hope.


----------



## Shellebell

I hope you can talk about it a bit more and sort it out hun, could/do you go to counselling together


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Just a quick post from me.  As you know been keeping a low profile during this treatment.  Sadly the dream ended today.  Got a positive earlier in the week, but the numbers went down instead of up and now it is all over.  Very sad, but I can honestly say it has been the most positive (!) cycle i have had for a long time.  We had a good number of eggs (for us!) with higher fertilisation (for us) and at least made it to transfer day.  Not sure where to go from here.  I know I should be ready to stop - I think for my health's sake - both emotional and phsyical but not entirely sure I am ready.  Will go for a follow up and see what they say.    I had my tears earlier in the week when the levels started going down, so today I feel sort of ok!  Sure it will hit me soon.  

Hi Ruthy.  Sorry you are joining us.

Beth - hope Thursday was ok

Kat - have a great snowboarding holiday - seriously jealous!!!  I suspect your DH is trying to protect you from what he sees as potentially more heartbreak.  I think you are like me in a way and want closure to this journey but not quite ready to stop?  Take time out and have a lovely hols and try not to think too much about IF (easier said than done).  I am going to plan some nice days out - just the two of us to remind us that actually it will be ok in the end whatever happens.     Your frostie can stay there for as long as you both need until you are both ready to decide one way or the other.  There is o rush.  Take care and will be thinking of you.

hi to everyone else
No doubt more this week as I may have questions re: Penny/Serum/Immunes...once I get my head around what we are doing/whether we are stopping etc...

Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wobs    so sorry the dream didn't come true this time, take care of yourself, even tho I guess time out isn't an option in your job x
Kat, I hope you're able to enjoy your time away, and come back refreshed.    that you and DH are able to reach a decision that's right for both of you regarding your ice baby x
Beth hun, have been   for you x
 to everyone


----------



## pinkpixie

wobs     am so sorry take care of yourself and DH.


xx
h


----------



## kitten77

wobs - massive hugs my lovely, take time to look after you and dh     

kat - hope you enjoy your snowboarding - i went once when i was younger, i couldnt stand up! hope your better at it than me! hopefuly time out and you will be able to come to a decision with your ice baby, like it has been said, it dont have to be right now, ice baby will still be there. 

beth - are you ok babe? 

hi to pinkpixie, seemslike4eva, shellbelle, waiki - and all that are reading. xxx


----------



## Rosa1939

Wobs, I was so sorry to get on here and read your news today, please take your time to process it all and get some strength back, then think about what you would like to do.  There is no rush.  xx  

Beth, I hope you are doing ok.  Thinking of you and your hubby.xx

NordicKat, I hope you enjoy your hols.  Take care of yourself, as the other ladies have said, you do not need to make any decisions re your snow baby right now, take some more time to think about it.

Pinkpixie, I hope all is going well with you?  

Hello and hugs to everyone else.

Rxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Wobs - so very sad to hear your news. Have sent you a pm x x x 

Kat - I think Wobs is right and DH wants to protect you. It's not always easy to know what our DHs really think or to come to a joint decision - give youselves time. Enjoy your snowboarding trip.

Hi to everyone x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just for once, I'm    happy tears..... the friend of ours whose mum died recently, is going to pay my for my next cycle out of her inheritance. We've never spoken to her about the IF, and she said to DH that she wanted to give us £1k each as a gift. DH then told her what I'd do with it. She doesn't have any children either, it never happened for them. So, looks like I'll be off in March x


----------



## Rosa1939

Seemslike4ever, what amazing news and what an amazing friend!  I'm very happy for you!xx


----------



## pinkpixie

seems like 4 eva thats wonderful news    so nice to hear something positive


beth how are you and DH


kat hope your enjoying the snowboarding


hi to everyone else
xxx
h


----------



## kitten77

oh seemslike4eva that brought a tear to my eye, what a wonderful, kind and thoughtful friend you have there - and massives of luck for march!! i have everything crossed for you. and massive hugs to your friend. 

hope everyone else is well. xxxxx


----------



## wobs

Seemslike4eva - how lovely!  What great news   

Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thanks everyone for your good wishes, much appreciated. Now I finally get another chance, AF decides to play up. I have been light bleeding/spotting for 2 weeks with no proper bleed.. I told GP about it, but he said I have to have irregular bleeding for 6 months before he'll refer me for a scan, not happy with that.
Beth, hope you're OK   
Pinkpixie,   that all is still OK inside your tum
  all round to those who need them,
a good day - it's nearly the weekend! xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Welcome Ruthybee – wishing you masses of luck for your April FET.

Hi Pinkpixie – hope things are going ok. Thinking of you and wishing you lots and lots of good luck   

Hi Seemslike4eva – great news from your lovely friend! Hope you sort your AF problems soon x 

Waikiki – how are you? Hope things are ok. Are you making plans for 2012 or just taking a break for a while?

Hi Beth – hope you and DH are taking good care of each other.

Hi Wobs – hope you are still holding up ok and managing being back at school – only a week until half term x 

Hi Kitten, Nordickat, Rosa1939, Nasher30 and anyone else reading too x 

We went to the CRGH open evening on Wednesday – very different approach from our clinic and lots of positive stuff but some concerns too. I called and spoke to Dr Abramov the following day to ask some specific questions and double check some of the things he said – found him very helpful and reassuring in an honest way. His approach is ‘we can’t do miracles, but we can work hard to get the best cycle possible first time for you’. He called me back at 7:30pm too! 

Unfortunately our train journey home was a nightmare – delayed by more than 2 hours so we didn’t get home until gone 1 in the morning! And I felt so stressed about going I didn’t sleep much the night before so I’m still exhausted. I’ve got to get a better control of my stress levels with anything tx related – I’m generally a calm person but anything to do with fertility clinics and I can’t sleep, get terrible stomach pain, headaches, stress sweats. Does anyone else get like this? Any ideas how I can pull myself together and cope a bit better?

Going to The Lister open evening on Monday and then repeat karyotyping tests on Tuesday.

Love to everyone x x x


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

LTW - sounds like a really positive evening at CRGH and a good follow up call.  Hope the Lister open evening gives you some clarity about which to choose.  I know what you mean about the stress angle....I used a hynotherapy cd this time round on my cycle - I am a total sceptic and it made me giggle a bit initially but without fail it made me chill and usually fall asleep....Not quite the point i know but the soothing voice and music just relaxed me.  I'm going to look and see if i can get one for migraines - and reckon there must be lots of similar things out there for relaxing/anxiety??  It just made me totally chill out and relax so maybe something like this might be a plan?

Hi to everyone else.  Hope you're all doing ok.

AFM I am sort of ok most of the time.  I seem to well up occasionally and have a little cry and then feel better!  We are thinking about possibly trying again, but then I feel daft to even be thinking like that.  But the thought of not having kids seems harder than having one more go, if that makes sense!  Liked the ARGC and would probably go there again, but hearing all these good things about Serum and wondering if we should look at them as they do IMSI....But each time at a new clinic they are getting to know you etc.... Lots of thinking methinks!!!  Think Serum would be considerably cheaper than ARGC too....ho hum.....who knows!!!!

enjoy the rest of your weekends ladies
Wobs


----------



## pinkpixie

wobs    


beth hope you are surviving   


hi to everyone else sorry am not posting at the mo but am reading am just so scared at the mo.
xxx
h


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW, hope tonight has been an informative evening for you, and fingers crossed that the bloods go off in the right containers to the right lab etc this time   
Pink pixie   
Wobs, glad you're holding it together, I'm with you in thinking I can't leave it without 'one more go'.
Kat, hope you're having massive fun snowboarding, and no injuries!
Beth,   
Kitten, you can't be far off the finishing line, hope you & bump are keeping well.
Hi to everyone, enjoying a peaceful evening to myself, DH gone out and I have control of the TV. At least the snow has melted, so I can drag the mutts round the block tonight, have been off my feet for a week cos I had cellulitis in my foot, but it's cleared up and I need to get my   moving again.


----------



## Rosa1939

Hey everyone,

Pinkpixie, I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you, hope you are doing ok with the waiting.x

Longtimewaiting, I was due to attend the same open evening at UCL last Weds! I cancelled as we are going ahead with Serum but have heard great things about that clinic and if things don't work out with Serum then they are definitely on my radar.  You mention feeling very stressed and i can relate to that, one thing that I have tried and loved is reflexology. I started doing it years ago (before our IF issues) and found it so relaxing, improves sleep and just feels so lovely when its being done, very holistic and i had it done at home so could float off to sleep once the therapist had left.  I would 100% recommend to anyone. I also use relaxation CDs and although they can be slightly cheesy, they do help me to unwind and as Wobs said, i do fall asleep whilst listening!

Beth, I hope you and your husband are doing ok x

NordicKat, hope you are enjoying your break.

Seemslikeforever, i have had celulitis only recently in my arm, so painful!  Hope it heals quickly.

AFM - After 3 weeks of waiting for results, i am finally starting a 25 day course of antibiotics for hidden c and ureaplasma!  Joy.  Hopefully will not be too hellish and will clear it.  I spoke with Penny about 3 weeks ago for a telephone consultation, she really is great and very knowledgable. She is very sure that hidden c is part of our problem.  Apparently, having it can affect egg quality and sperm quality and of course, implantation.  I am not convinced it is the sole cause of our issues but i figure it can't hurt to take the antibiotics and hopefully clear it.  I hope to be in Greece in mid March for hysteroscopy, which Penny also strongly advises.  IVF 1/2 months after that.  

I'm logging off now as its dinner time, but I hope everyone is doing ok. 

Rx


----------



## Sarah1712

Ladies im apologising now for the rant that i am about to inflict on you all!!!!!

Ok i am utterly peeved off that getting pg naturally cant happen for us and really want to scream. Yes i have known for over a year now but still doesnt hurt any less. Im fed up of having to change my diet and lifestyle. I know its a choice between change it or dont have a family which of cour the answer is to change it BUT man i loved a glass of wine and a few cigarettes whilst at a bbq!!! Now i have been smoke free for 5 weeks and rarely drink. I am going to the gym and eating well but im gagging to have a bad bad bad day but am aware its nit an option. 
We had my 7 weeks old niece overnight Sunday, what an eye opener that was. I really doubted my decision to have children, completely disrupts what your used to. Finding im struggling to cope at mo, dont want to go backwards but its a struggle. Sometimes i wish i could just go back to my naive days when i was on the pill not knowing that hubby had so many probs and prob couldnt get me pg. ignorance is bliss i say. 
Anyone else ever felt like this? Im just scared that if we ever do get pg and i do mean a big IF that it will take over my life. I have put my career on hold for this and am thinking that perhaps i shouldve gone down the career route first. Actually i dont really know what i want lol

Snow nearly gone here, i love the snow

Sarah xxx


----------



## coweyes

Sarah i think IF messes with your head, i have doubted if having a child would actually make me happier, because with out being rude i only ever hear the negative side of being a parent.  O the lack of sleep the giving your life up for your child etc etc.


I dont really feel angry about not being able to conseve naturally but if i was totally honest i feel angry that i am not a regular ivf/icsi person like i used to be.  My case is now much more complicated as we need pgd for a genetic chromazone problem.  So i am not a person who has a genetic problem so am using pgd and then ivf (as there is not pgd with out ivf).  But yet i am not a person using ivf/icsi just for fertility treatment i am both   .  So kind of feel pretty cheeses off with my luck!!  Any how just feeling a bit sorry for myself really. xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone 

Thanks Wobs – have been looking at hypno CDs (also a skeptic). I’ve got some IVF ones but think I should try some non IF related stuff. The IVF ones worked brilliantly initially but I eventually found them annoying! Think I might try some yoga again too – I used to do a video but then the video player packed up! Need to find a good yoga dvd – or try and get my video copied onto dvd.

Completely understand the thought of stopping being harder than the thought of one more go – not daft at all x 

Pinkpixie – thinking of you and hoping and praying for you x 

Thank you Seemslike4eva. 

Hi Rosa1939 – is UCL the same as CRGH? There were loads of people there! I still may have a look at Serum too – let us know how things go for you there. Reflexology is brilliantly relaxing but too expensive for me at the moment unfortunately – going to have to try again with the cheesy cds and dvds for now!

No need to apologise Sarah1712 – we all understand only too well. I often question whether I’m cut out to be a parent, especially now one of my nieces is a nightmare teenager - also sacrificed a career in this pursuit, will I regret it? I don’t know, but having a family is time limited for us women and a career can wait, I think

Hi Coweyes – how is your pgd tx going? Think you were starting soon x 

AFM – The Lister open evening was good. We were impressed but it seemed less personal, somehow more detached and scientific – maybe that’s a good thing but I think my heart is with CRGH. I need to see if CRGH do IMSI though – think it would be good for us. And our bloods went off in the right tubes on Tues (I think!) Stress levels reducing a bit – confidence in a new approach growing a little. 

Hello to everyone else reading x x x


----------



## coweyes

longtimewaiting

Thank you for asking. Had our appointment last week which was 3 and a half hours long  ! Just need to send some information to the consultant regarding my heart, as had some previous problems and i also need to have a hycosie of my womb. Then we are pretty much good to go. Not heard back regarding our funding application so fingers crossed for that as treatment is £9,000.

We have been to the Lister, they were the ones who found out about my chromazone problem, i have to say i thought they were brilliant and was gutted when i could not stay with them. My consultant was sooooo kind when he had to tell me about my condition, we ended up having 2 consultations with him in one day and he never charged for either! xxxxxxxx


----------



## Moog

Hi 
Would it be OK to join this thread ladies? I have been lurking around the past 3 days and I think that at the moment this is the best place for me if thats OK??
Am in-between TX at the mo whilst we decide what clinic to go with or if we stay with the one we are using and have more tests.
After my last result in November i had a minor meltdown and asked for my FF account to be closed as we had decided that we couldn't carry on with anymore TX's.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, after taking Dec and Jan to re-evaluate things DP and I are giving it another go.  FF let me rejoin* (thank you so so much!!!)* Don't know what I would do without this site
Coweyes, hello long time no chat, we cycled a few times in the past. 
Hi to everyone else
Moogx


----------



## coweyes

O Moog


     how are you? I am so sorry that your last go did not work.  So what are your options now?? have you looked at any new clinics?


----------



## Moog

Hi Coweyes  

Well at first I wanted to change. But DP says that we should stay with as they know our history now... Am thinking of using the The Bridge, London as a link to them here, but am now hearing bad things about the Bridge. They charge £300 for sorting everything out at VH , which in the past I found really stressy. Am really not sure how to proceed to be honest  

DP s being very supportive, and he's being extra good, not boozing, going to the gym with me and popping all the vitamins pills i can find for him!! 

We are having a chat this eve to decide whether to use the London clinic or just go direct. The clinic in Spain though has suggested some tests for DP which are very expensive so also in the middle of trying to get these done on the NHS  

Whats happening with you?

x


----------



## coweyes

Moog


Its such a mind field, its never clear cut.  I see you have been at the Lister, we loved it there but had no choice but to move as Guys are the centre for pgd.


Glad to hear that your dp is on on board.  Its such a difficult thing to navigate through as a couple.  I have not asked my dh to change anything, as he drinks very little, does not smoke and eats pretty healthy, the only this is stress.  He started his own company a couple of years ago and its brought a lot of stress to our lives.  Tbh we tried loads of things at the beginning to improve his low sperm and it made no difference, so just reverted back to to what we were doing before.  But i have been trying to loose a little weight and do more exercise, i walk my dogs a lot and play badminton.  But have just started jogging, with my dog   , and dog agility.  Honestly i am not a doggy person     really!! healthy body, healthy mind!


We will start our treatment in about April, i am trying hard not to worry about how it will turn out, but its so hard when its so far not been sucessful.  Everyone keeps saying, yes but the other treatment you had was wrong, which of course is true, but it does not stop me struggling to be positive. xxx


----------



## natrusgirl

Hello

Was hoping someone could help me with the following question.  Apologies if its a wrong board for this but perhaps someone has been through the "mill" a few times and knows the answer.  I've got 5 days left till my OTD but I already 99.9% sure that this cycle is a failure.  I've been pregnant before and know my body and my early pregnancy symptoms very well.  On my previous cycles I've always had long protocol and my AF started pretty much a day or two after I stopped progesterone in oil injections.  I am wondering, since I wasnt downregged and my natural cycle was not supressed, should my AF still arrive when it should've done or perhaps at the end of my luteal phase which is normally 12 days?

Hope this makes sense to someone?

Nats


----------



## pinkpixie

Hi Nats
It depends if you are on any luteal support such as extra progesterone as they can still stop AF from arriving even if you havent downregged.
Hope you are ok
xxx


----------



## Bub

May I join this thread? I've just read it with great interest and because all of you are incredibly articulate about your experiences, it has been strangely comforting.

We have just undergone our third unsuccessful IVF cycle. Since the result I've had good days and bad One of the challenges I'm facing is feeling like I'm stuck in limbo. I gave up my career (temporarily I hope) to concentrate on fertility treatment. I felt (still feel I think) that a career can wait but my ageing ovaries cannot. I feel I should throw everything at treatment and keep stress at bay. I realise I'm incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband and the financial means to not work. But the truth is I am going mad at home. 

I feel like I'm left with no career, no distraction, no baby and no hope that any future treatment will work. I'd like to apply for jobs and get back on the horse. But if I do, I'll need time off for treatment and my head will be somewhere else.

I'm so confused! My question is: how have you managed treatment and full time work? Is it ever a good idea
to put your life on hold for treatment?


----------



## coweyes

Hi Bub


Personally i think its about balancing it all.  I only work 30 hours a week but also help my dh out with his business, but this is not weekly.  I used to work full time + sleep ins and tbh i found it hard!  I reduced my hours down when i was having treatment but found i was tired by that point.


I dont think its about doing a lot less its about balancing it all.  My suggestions to you would be get some hobbies, or do some volunteer work.  Make sure your days are structured by doing something. 


I know longer feel stressed and bogged down with my life.    I enjoy things more, i have time to clean my house, spend time with my dogs, go jogging, agility and badminton and see friends.  


Maybe you could do an open university course!  I think the key thing is to keep on living and try and enjoy your days inspite of of the over whelming  feeling that your stuck as treatment has not yet worked.


----------



## dawnp

hello everyone 

I got my big fat nothing this morning and have only just stopped crying.  back to work on monday so its like nothing happened.  i feel devastated. i dont think we can afford another cycle (this was our second cycle private with MFS) and the NHS only gave us one due to our postcode.

just feeling so low, broken hearted and broken.


----------



## natrusgirl

pinkpixie said:


> Hi Nats
> It depends if you are on any luteal support such as extra progesterone as they can still stop AF from arriving even if you havent downregged.
> Hope you are ok
> xxx


Hi

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.  My period has started this pm  and I am now kinda glad that it did because it means closure and that I am not carrying dead embryos in me anymore (sorry if this sounds a bit crass but I felt "empty" since the day after the transfer. ) I am numb with devastation and unfairness of it all..... I was with ARGC, spent a fortune (over 10K) and wasted months of waiting for them to let me cycle only to end up with nothing but a big aching hole in my heart. Mother Nature is stronger than any progesterone support as AF came dead on time despite that. I didnt even make it to a week after transfer....

My faith in God is no longer as strong as it was but I still have my HOPE.

Nats.


----------



## bethholm

Apologies for being awol, but I have been caught up in my own little world (which does not involve IVF) and work has been hellishly busy. 

Welcome to all the new ladies on this thread.  It is THE best supportive thread on FF! Big hugs to all the BFNs too    - life certainly is a b***h at times! 

Re career and full time work and IVF, I have spent the past 2 years putting my career on hold as if I got a new job and I was TTC and actually had a baby straight away, it would have been awkward to say the least. Where I live in Devon, you are lucky to get a teaching job as there is no movement  really in the job market. People get teaching jobs and stay there until they retire! I turned down a few opportunities and then got to a point where I questioned what if I never had a baby. My last job also got to the point where I couldn't stay much longer due to the new structure and amalgamation of 2 schools. I bit the bullet and moved and got a deputy headship, which did mean a lot more work and pressure but it was the only job I could go for as I was too expensive to employ as a normal class teacher. Within 10 or so weeks of starting the job, I had to tell my new boss that I was pregnant (fortunately he was absolutely fab as I did explain the horrendous journey of actually achieving a BFP!) and then I miscarried at the end of last year, as you all know. What I am saying is that I personally wouldn't put my career on hold as fate has a funny way of working things out. My DH also turned down a job when I was pregnant as it would have caused complications with paternity leave etc. Ironic again as it didn't matter in the end... I suppose putting your career on hold also depends on what profession you are in too. 

I also have a horrendous work load as I also teach privately after school which means that I tend to do 14 hour days! I know I should cut down, but DH is on less money than I am and due to his other financial commitments, I end up funding about 95% of our IVF bills, which is stressful. Without my extra teaching, we simply could not afford to cycle and I am 43 in 2 weeks time...Tick tock.

Re the funeral for our LO, it was a very difficult morning. It was strange being in the crematorium chapel, just the 2 of us as we had to sit at the front and the vicar spoke to both of us during the 10 min service. The bible readings made me cry (although at the time I remember thinking that I must not cry loudly as it would have echoed   ) and the casket was so small   . We did feel that we had done the proper thing and felt that we had some closure to some extent (although I am still very emotional about the whole thing.)

We have now booked the flights for Serum and fly out on April 2nd. Absolutely terrified of cycling again and actually worried about getting pregnant as that is when in our last 2 cycles, the worry and nightmares began. Peny wanted me to do a natural cycle and not put me on the pill, but being tied to school holidays meant that it was impossible to fit AF in the 2 week Easter holiday. It will by our 7th IVF cycle and our last on my own eggs. Then we will move on to DDIVF with Peny. Here we go again.  

Love and massive hugs to you all.

B x


----------



## pinkpixie

hi everyone just wanted to let you all know we tested on tues and got a BFP still feel as though need to whisper it obviously very early days think we are both in shock
xx
h


----------



## coweyes

O that's fab news really pleased for u. Xx


----------



## bethholm

Pinkpixie- Wow!!!! Keeping everything crossed. x


----------



## Bub

Thanks for replies Bethholm and Coweyes re. work. I find having to have treatment and working a real challenge. I'm feeling very resentful at the moment of those who can get pregnant naturally, carry on working, get maternity pay and seemingly never have to make compromises! Perhaps that is unfair and everyone carries around their own troubles. Bethholm, I am a secondary teacher. I'm missing it, as it is so absorbing and interesting but I found the prospect of treatment and teaching impossible - especially as I've so recently returned after a long break from the profession. I feel that to be a half decent teacher I really have to put the hrs in. I know if I go back, I'll immerse myself back in that world and I worry I'll regret not concentrating on treatment and keeping stressfree. I'm just very conflicted at the moment.

Coweyes, I agree it's all about achieving balance. I need to work out how to achieve it.

Bethholm, I'm sorry to read what you have been through. I'm filled with anger for everyone on here going through such difficulties but at the same time immense admiration at how well you've coped and pick yourselves up. 

Pinkpixie - congratulations (said in a whisper!).

Xx


----------



## Nordickat

First things first - massive congratulations pixie. Stick tight baby   

Bub - welcome   Can you work part time at all? Do some sort of community work that helps you feel you are contributing something to the world? I´m sort of lucky (kind of   ) in that I´ve been sick for some of my cycles and been signed off work with reduced working hours. Those cycles were by far the easiest to cope with. On my last cycle I was 100% sick but my work load meant I had to work still and a couple of months after my BFN I was in hospital. I have no doubt that trying to throw myself 100% into tx while doing 100% work too was a big factor in the state I was on when I got to hospital. Look after yourself but don´t get lonely. Like coweyes said, you need to find the balance   

Beth - I´m glad you have found some closure and I hope you continue to heal   

Moog - welcome. I´ve seen your name around. Did we cycle together in the din and distant past?

Rosa - I hope the antiBs are not causing you too much grief? Probiotic tablets are good if your tummy is suffering a bit. You are right though, even if its not cure all answer, its still a good thing to get rid of your hidden C.

Wobs - deciding to stop is much much harder than trying again so if you have it in you still, try again   I hope your heart is slowly healing   


Dawn    . Going back to work to find life has gone on like nothing has happened is so hard to deal with. I hope its not as bad as you expect   

It sounds lie a few of you are making positive steps with checking out clinics and getting ready to go again. Lots of luck with it all   

I´m finding the real world very hard to deal with at the moment. I know I shouldn´t moan when my heartache is nothing compared to some of yours but I`m struggling to cope and I don´t know what to do about it. DH won´t try again and I understand his reasons. The toughest 2 weeks he has ever lived through were while I was in hospital and he can´t go through that again. He has put his life on hold for the last 5 years for me, and now its time to live his life. I understand all that but it doesn´t make it any easier to accept. I will never ever be a mum and I don´t know how I´m supposed to make myself feel OK about that. Canada was great. I forgot about the real world but sadly it didn´t forget about me and was still here waiting for me when I got home. I feel completely empty and so desperately want to run away and hide, ski off into the mountains and never come back. I suppose I should say my good byes on here and head over the the ´moving on´board but its so hard when I don´t want to be there. I don´t want to be the one who never gets to know what its like to feel your heart melt when you see your baby for the first time. I don´t want to be the one who feels empty and pointless forever. I don´t want to feel this sadness for the rest of my life but I just don´t know where to start trying to fix things when I don´t think they can be fixed. Well tears are rolling now and I don´t want DH to see how unhappy I am so I´d better stop boring you all to death with my woe is me. Sorry for the rant. Things will pick up soon I´m sure.
Katxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Coweyes – a 3 ½ hr appt! Wow! Keep positive – I say that knowing how hard it actually is! Good to hear you had good experiences at The Lister. 

Welcome Moog – lots of stuff to think about. Making decisions about what next can be very stressful, wishing you luck in getting there with it. 

Welcome Bub – no clear answers on the work stuff, you have to go with what feels right for you and do whatever you feel you won’t regret later in life. Impossible to know when your regrets will be very different depending on whether you eventually have a child or not. 

Whether or not to put life on hold is the question I grapple with every day! I was forced to give up my career after getting a horrible time from my manager for taking time off for tx (all of it agreed in advance!). I was so stressed, 5 ICSI cycles, 1 FET and 1 m/c and work was a horrible place to be so I took the plunge and got an admin job in the school opposite my house (at a quarter of the salary)! It was a good move at the time and I’d saved enough money to continue with a couple more cycles. A year on, 1 more ICSI and 1 more FET in and I miss my old job, I worry I’ll never get back into it, but I’m ok with the decision for now. For me tx has to come first for the moment but I need to be occupied with a job too – an easy one for now which gives me time to manage the rest of my life and make time for family and friends. I work full time in term time but not in the holidays which is great and so far I’ve managed to time tx mostly in the holidays. I think this less likely with my next tx as I’m switching clinics but for now I’m doing my best to go with the flow. The money is fast running out which worries me but we have enough for a tx at CRGH or The Lister or somewhere similar.

Welcome Dawnp and Natrusgirl – so very sorry to hear about your BFNs, there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better, it’s a terrible time   

Hi Bethholm – welcome back, pleased your little one’s funeral gave you some kind of closure on that chapter of your journey. Keep us posted on how things go at Serum x 

Brilliant news Pinkpixe – keeping everything crossed for you, one day at a time x 

Hi Nordickat – not sure why you think your heartache is nothing, you’ve been thru so much, I’m crying with you reading your post. You are in an impossibly difficult place, nobody should have to go thru as many cycles as you have, tx clearly has a huge impact on your health and your DH is rightly very worried about that. Your DH may be ready to move on but you don’t seem to be and that puts a massive pressure on any relationship. I’m not surprised you aren’t ready to move on with frosties left - I know I wouldn’t be. Would DH be open to some joint counseling? You don’t ever need to say good bye here – please stay and tell us how you’re getting on, you never bore us, we all understand to some degree  

AFM - I’ve got my de-stress and yoga dvds on order and am still slowly moving forward with tx stuff – requested a full copy of my file from my current clinic today. There was a £10 standard charge which seems a bargain given the size of our file!

Love to everyone x x x


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Kat     I'm pleased you had a lovely holiday.  Sorry you are going through all this heartache.  I hope things become clearer for you soon.  I don't really know what to say other than to take one day at a time.  Have you had IVF counselling  As LTW says could you have some together and talk through the issues together with a counseller (without having to talk about the other stuff/hospital etc) and try to separate the two out?  Am thinking of you and hope that your days start to become brighter soon.

Pinkpixie - a quiet wooohooo

Bub - the job scenario is soooo difficult.  I can honestly say my last cycle was the best from the work/stress point of view. I ended up being signed off by my GP for 4/5 weeks!!!  Feel incredibly guilty but I just forgot about work (though I have to say daytime telly is over-rated!!!).  I think it is all to do with how you will feel later if it doesn't work - would you look back and want to change anything?  Also finances of course play a big role!

Hi to everyone else.  Made it to half term.  Am exhausted - was very tiring going back but lovely and got a great welcome back from the kids which was nice.  Now of course have piles and piles of work to do already....ho hum....not going to work all week though!!

take care everyone
Wobs


----------



## JBox

Hi girls
Haven't been here for a while but am always lurking - just wanted to say huge (quiet) congratulations to pixie wowowowowo

Kat will pm u

Hello to all the newbies x


----------



## Bub

Thanks everyone - you've given me lots to think about in terms of work, stress and treatment. Kat, your comments really resonate with me. I'm sorry work and treatment took such a toll on you. Believe me, I understand. I tend to suffer from anxiety and it really gets quite bad if I take on too much. So starting to think that even if I want to work full-time (and I really do) it's perhaps not the best idea at the moment. I'm still resentful that I can't have it all, like some.  And I worry if I stay away too long, I'll become de-skilled.
Grrrrr. Very difficult.

I'm sorry some of you are going through such particularly hard times at the moment. As Wobs said, and it applies to us all really: "one day at a time". There is no other way to approach this. It's two weeks now since our 3rd negative result. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed. Others where I'm so angry with this card we've been dealt, I could rip up the house in rage. The best days are when I count my blessings and trust that everything will be alright in the end.

Keep looking forward. Xx


----------



## Nordickat

Bub - it will be alright in the end. If it´s not alright, then its not the end


----------



## Shellebell

Huge  Kat
We do have a board that is an inbetween the TXers and Moving on  
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=539.0


----------



## Rosa1939

Hey all,

Just a quickie from me to say a huge congratulations to Pinkpixie, this is amazing news!  Take it easy and look after yourself.xx

Welcome to everyone who has joined this thread recently, everyone here is so warm and caring and are an amazing group of women.  So sorry to hear of recent BFN's, there are no words to make it better or give comfort really, we have to take it one day at a time and carry on going.

I'm sorry for the very short and impersonal post, I've had a busy weekend and still have hideous ironing/housework to catch up with tonight but will catch up properly tomorrow at some point.  

Hugs to all,xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Pinkpixie, well done hun! Behind you every step of the way xx
 Dawn, Natrus girl, Bub and Moog, welcome to this lovely club, even tho it's the one no-one wants to join, hope you will feel supported here.
Beth, welcome back   . 
Kat,    sometimes you just need to stay on a thread where you feel comfortable, and everyone knows 'your' story, and I echo  the others - stay with us chick, we're here for you.
When we started treatment 'full-on' I was off-sick, then given medical retirement from work. We inherited our house, and I have an occupational pension, which is why there are long gaps between some of my cycles cos it takes longer to scrape the money. I do some unpaid community outreach stuff for a local church, and that contact with the outside world keeps me sane(ish)    I honestly don't think I could have coped with work and treatment, mainly because I keep this part of my life completely secret - my way of coping. I used to be a practice nurse, so it would have been nigh on impossible to schedule appts around my clinics as I was the only nurse, so there was no-one I could swap with etc. Plus a git of a manager.
I haven't been very well this weekend, my DH is wonderful and lets me take to my bed, and I've been thinking if I'd actually be any good as a mum, but just not ready to give up. I'm on warfarin, and have to have blood tests....on the same afternoon, same time, same corridor at the health centre as the anetnatal clinic. As i'm a good deal younger than most of the other  warfarin patients I am sometimes asked 'are you waiting for the midwife?'    Oh I wish .... And yes, most of the women with bumps have a string of toddlers with them.
Hope it's an OK week for everyone xx


----------



## Moog

Hi Everyone

*dawnp* am so sorry 
*natrusgirl* never give up on hope, am so sorry for you 

*Coweyes* I really hope its your turn next in April. I think its really hard to not think of the outcome of any of these TX we are all going through. Wish we had some dogs or cats. We live in Battersea and DP says its not fair having any animals in our apartment in such a busy area  He says when we get a house (yeah right!) things will be different.

I think I made it sound like he's addictive to booze!  He's quite a healthy chap really, but does like his wine in the evenings. As I do. We have decided though that we will eliminate pretty much everything that the docs says could limit our chances. In the past I have had the odd glass of wine and the odd cup of coffee , but this time i am doing everything by the book. Its looking like we have our initial appointment on the 22nd February with Dr Summers at The Bridge. (I have decide to give them a go) This will most probably mean that our TX will be in April/May time in Spain 

*Bub* Am sorry to hear about your BFN  I can relate to a lot you say regarding your career. Mines been pretty much on hold for the past 18 months. I work from home anyway as a graphic designer . I am great when I have loads of work on and absolutely LOVE being able to work at home. Well anyway, my work has slid by the wayside since we started our TX abroad. Am not sure if i have any answers but as Coweyes said volunteering is a good thing to do. I have signed up with The Red Cross and I also keep busy by helping DP with his business by doing the VAT accounts and doing DIY stuff around the home. ( I did a DIY course recently during the day called Chix and Mortar) was loads of fun. Oh and doing gym classes during the day is another good one. 

*Pinkpixie*   congrats!!!

*Nordickat* My god have you been through a lot... I am so sorry for you. I am not sure what to say except after our last BFN in Nov by donor, DP and I were absolutely convinced that we would never try again. We simply could not take anymore of this blasted heartache. We made a pact to not speak to each other about it for December and January and that we would try and do lots of nice things together and generally have a good time. Then we got together at the start of feb and asked each other how we really felt after everything we had been through. And it turns out we both wanted to try again. Madness I know. Am not sure how long ago your last TX was, but maybe you need to give yourselves a little longer. You can rant all you like and you are NOT boring us all to death. Don't go to the Moving on Board just yet. Give yourself a little more time. Thinking of you    

*Longtimewaiting*  I am starting yoga also this week 

Hi to anyone I have missed off 

See ya later
Moogx


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Hope you're all doing ok & hello to the new ladies - so sorry you are joining is

I agree with the other ladies Kat - stay with us on here.  I'd miss you. I'd miss your wisdom too    

AFM its half term!!!! yippppeeeee....Mind you have spent the last 3 days pretty much working the whole time so it doesn't feel like half term yet...hohum...

take care all
Wobs


----------



## Bub

Wobs you work much too hard! Stop planning and marking this minute! You must give yourself some time off this h/t holiday.

Hello to everyone - hope you are all having a good day x


----------



## bethholm

Wobs- I'll join in with the 'half term, yippppeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' especially as it's the first s***ing school holiday that I am having no needles inserted into my arm or ovaries... 

AFM - have been costing out the meds re cycle 7 and thought that it may come in handy for others on here too. It's criminal how they all differ vastly with each other, more so the UK ones. 

Fertility to U

Menopur-75iu @ £17.50

Puregon - 1500iu - £515

Valtrex 500mg x 42 tablets - £28

Doxycycline 100mg x 20 - 7.60

Rigcharm

Menopur-75iu @ £18

Puregon - 1500iu - £510

Valtrex 500mg x 42 tablets - £75

Doxycycline 100mg x 20- £3.00

Central Homecare

Menopur-75iu @ £13.64

Puregon - 1500iu - £582

Puregon - 1500iu - £510

Valtrex 500mg x 42 tablets - £99.25

Doxycycline 100mg x 20- £6.20

Healthcare at Home

Menopur-75iu @ £18.82

Puregon - 1500iu - £560

Doxycycline 100mg x 20- £1.45

Serum

Menopur-75iu @£21.55 (and only comes in boxes of 5)

Puregon - 1500iu - £800

Kat- please don't leave us. 

Pink pixie- hope all is still going well for you. 

Must dash- roast chicken won't cook itself... 

B x


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## Nordickat

Thanks guys    I tried the inbetween board and they are not the most talkative or welcoming of people (apart form the lovely Rowan     ) so I might end up loitering here for a while more. I don´t want to contribute words of wisdom on the tx front though as it won´t help me in the long run ...... selfish I know but I hope you understand. I´m not sure how long that will last though lol, but I had a looooooooong lecture about the pitfalls of always putting others first and neglecting your own needs from the shrink tonight.

Wobs and Beth - take it easy. You both need time to heal properly   so we want to hear about how many days away from your books you are having and what treats you are giving yourselves   

Moog - good for you throwing everything at this next cycle. Having no regrets is half of the battle   . DH cried every night after he visited me and said its the most scared he has ever been so that is why he won´t cycle again. The heartache from a BFN is one thing but the heartache of thinking you have lost your wife is something else apparently and I don´t think any amount of taking a break will change his mind and I would feel so guilty putting the pressure on.

Seemslike4ever - you need a shorter name   . I think we have all been through the ´would I even be any good as a mum´doubts over the years and my conclusion is yes of course you all would be. If you want it badly enough to go through so much pain to get there then you will throw even more into getting it right once your lo arrives. Doubting yourself is all part of the self defense mechanism just in case it doesn´work. You will be fab and I suspect deep down you know it but just need the odd gentle reminder  .

Rosa - just put a woolly jumper over the creased shirts and nobody will know   

LTW - I can´t really tell you what DH thinks about joint counselling as it would all be blanked out lol.

Coweyes - 3 1/2 hours ...... at least you know you are getting your moneys worth    

Bub, Jbox, pixie, dawn, waikiki and any oldies & newbies lurking   and   

Bed for me, nightmare of a week ahead. First full days at work in 5 weeks and more psych assessments than you can poke a stick at ....... being bonkers is a full time job it seems   

Lots of love and huge thanks for being so understanding about everything, 
Katxxx


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## coweyes

Nordickak


Sorry that things remain difficult, i hope that things begin to feel a bit brighter for you. xxxxxxx


Moog Yer i feel pretty lucky that we have a life style that i am able to have pets, they can even come up to work with me if i am stuck! have to say i don't know what i would have done with out them, esp my older dog Scraggy he is really in tune with how i feel (know that sounds mad), but he is great.


No i dont think your dh is a raging alcoholic, sorry if i made you feel that way   .  God i am probably more of an alcoholic, is it wrong that i really really want a large glass of wine before i have my hycosie!! would it really be that bad     


I am glad that you have settled on a clinic, i know how scary it is looking around.


Betholm


Thank you for the price list, what a good idea.  Even though we will probably be private patients it appears its a block price for our pgd at Guys, a flat £9000, which includes medication!


Hello to everyone else. xxx


----------



## Moog

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!

I need to rant and I would like some advice too please 

I think DP and I have basically decided that we will be going with The Bridge this time and pay them a £300 admin fee to deal with all there nitty gritty with the Vista Hermosa clinic in Spain. I have found it stressy at times to deal with Vista Hermosa direct as they are pretty crap when it comes to communication etc...

Anyway, after our last BFN in November with VH they emailed a letter to me from the doctor saying that as I have had a hstereoscopy and level one immune tests and everything OK that they now recommend DP to have a FISH and Fragmentation test. Now, these tests don't come cheap, so i emailed them back and asked why, could they give me a substantial reason why they think these tests are necessary. They came back with, ' because the embryos are not implanting'

So, I emailed my GP who up to now has been fab, letting me have a few tests here and there on the NHS as she knows how much money we have now spent privately in our quest to have a family. she got back to me with this...

'I have had a long conversation with the cytogeneticist at St Georges Hospital. He explained that there are countless tests that can be done as part of the FISH and also DNA fragmentation tests. They are not able to run the tests unless the clinic can be more specific about what exactly they are looking for. I suggest you ask the clinic if they can be more specific, otherwise it may be better to let them take this forward. Let me know how you get on, sorry not to be more helpful at this point. 

Now i think this answer is pretty fair. So i got back in contact with Vista Hermosa and they still just keep saying 'because the eggs are not implanting'
I don't think this is acceptable. Surely they should give me some better scientific answer considering how expensive these tests are. DP had tests done at The lister and they said his  were good.

Its made me question whether we should go with VH again through the Bridge. They just seem to be just throwing tests at us willy nilly not really thinking about them , just like its a process of elimination. I feel like they have given up on us as it didn't work in 3 tries. Though they have also said its a numbers game and eventually it will work even if it take 20 attempts (please god no way!!!! )

Anyway, Do you think i am being to neurotic just because I want to know why they suggest here tests? The woman over at VH is making me feel pretty crap when i speak to her on the phone. Also, when we have our consultation atThe Bridge next week, do you think it would be out of order of me to bad mouth VH to them saying we have used them 3 times and they don't seem to be on the ball and thats why we are going to The bridge to deal with them?

I bet you ladies are wondering why we are bothering with VH after all this anyway? Well they do have a good success rate. and they know our history now.
Your thought please?

Happy Valentines Day everyone! 
Moogx


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## seemedlike4eva

Let's have a half-term-cum-valentines party, and just celebrate 'us'.
Kat, thanks for your lovely words, oh, & try SL4E   
Moog, seems like you have a good GP, well done on that one, I don't know much about sperm tests cos my DH flatly refused to have any surgical intervention to extract some to be looked at, but over on the Poor Responders thread there are several ladies whose partners have had them done, who may be able to help. I don't think you're being unreasonable in asking for more details about exactly which aspects the clinic wants looked at, when you're having to fork out the dosh you need to make sure it's going in the right direction.
Cow eyes, my chocolate lab ***** is curled up next to me. She's a rescue dog, who'd obviously had pups in the past, last year I was sooo tempted to breed her again just so I'd have some babies to cuddle   . I didn't, and we had her spayed, then I felt guilty about taking away her fertility. 
  xx


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## coweyes

Moog


I am sorry i dont know much about the tests you are talking about.  My dh has very low sperm count, the only extra testing he has had done is Y deleget and cv screening, which i believe cost £200-£300.  What i would want to know is how will the tests help?  


seemslike4eva


Both my dogs, one male one female has been done, def felt it was the right thing to do.  I love puppies but would not wish for them to have any.  My dogs are terrier, one is a ginger and white Jack Russell and the little one is a black terrier cross.  I did have one of them as my picture on here, but changed it when i started writing a pgd diary as felt it was easily recognisable.  There are not too many people who have pgd so was concerned that someone would know it was me.


----------



## Nordickat

Coweyes - I have a terrier too. My profile picture wheaten terrier. He is my life    and he really is what has kept me alive over the last few months. We have to have a reason here for the snip (aggression or something) so he has all his bits intact. His puppies would be worthless though here so nobody with a bi t ch would want him. Are your terriers both real terriers and completely bonkers, impatient and argumentative? I always think terriers are the one breed whose personality is far too big for their small bodies. We can tell if ours has escaped from the garden because we can hear the screams from the woods behind. He doesn´t do anything but run up to people at a million miles an hour like a complete lunatic then at the last second swerves to avoid them and runs onto his next victim ...... and you should see the look of fear in peoples eyes when we take him skiing with us   .

SL4E - why my small brain couldn´t make that abbreviation I have no idea   

Moog - I don´t think you are being neurotic at all   . You have a need to know what they are doing and why. If you are questioning whether you should use the same clinic again then take your time and think a bit longer. Don´t rush and then regret.

Love to all, Katxxx


----------



## Nordickat

I just have to share what happened to me. I was chatting to a friend - not a particularly close one and I would never tell him about my personal life but he is very close to some other loose-lipped friends of mine so may have heard rumours. Anyway, somehow we got on to the subject of his 3 kids and he twittered on about how crazy it was to have 3 and how limiting it is and then randomly he said 'you'll get a second dog though won't you?' and the conversation continued as if I was perfectly normal to have a dog instead of kids  . It was so lovely to be included and feel normal and to be made to feel equal by somebody who is often very self absorbed. Usually I just feel the outsider but today he made me feel that he thought my life was as important and meaningful as his. Maybe the world is not always black after all. 
I hope the sun shines on you all today, 
Katxxx


----------



## wobs

Kat - what a lovely story about the dog.  At last someone with a bit of common sense and compassion - shame there aren't more of them around!!!

Moog - don't know what FISH is sorry...
Re; DNA fragmentation I know it is recommended for people men with low counts but don't know about normal counts.  Personally if there are tests that can give answers I always want them!!!     Mind you that said if DNA frag is high they usual just say high doses of vit C & E and ICSI not IVF....  They should be able to explain why the tests are a good idea and what they might shwo.
I do think sadly a lot of IVF is a numbers game (think about the chances of normal conception) and lots of the time they really don't know why it doesn't work   
Assume DH has had chromosomes, y-microdeletion etc...?
What about immunes level 2 for you? I am a sceptic (but a sceptic being treated for it!!   ) but  we have discovered I do have v high levels which may stop embryos implanting/carrying on (of course it could just be that they were going to stop anyway/not develop - MF issues for us mean that  embryos may stop after day 3)
There are lots of grey areas unfortunately.  I would go along to the Bridge with an open mind and try and be positive and see what they say...  

Hope everyone else is doing ok
bye for now (almost finished my work yipppeeee)
Wobs


----------



## Moog

Hi there everyone,
Hope you are all ok today.
*Coweyes, NordicKat , Seemslike4ever* I am so envious that you all have dogs  The last time I had a dog was when I lived at home 23 years ago. We had a Patterdale Terrier (google them, really cute teddy bear brown one) called Ben. He was so so cute but NUTS!!!! Loads of personality. Very clever too. As he had the terrier instinct, whenever there was one of those large house spiders lurking around, you know the ones that a mammoth with big black hairy legs, well he would catch one in his tiny front teeth and shake it as though he was shaking it by the neck. It was so funny to watch 
*Wobs* My DP says that too that its just a numbers game and eventually it will work... In the process we go mad and are financially ruined 

Thanks for the replies about the tests.
I received an email from the clinic in Spain explaining about the tests and true to form they didn't personalise to my DP, just went on and on about what the tests are and what they are for.
Its got me a little mad again (I know i should try to be calm but they are really trying my patience)
When we first went with them they actually did a semen analysis on DP, his count his above average (thank heavens for small mercies ) and the motility and morphology thing good too. When we were at The Lister he also had tests run there and all good. It just feels like they are just now guessing at anything to test without actually looking at us as an individual case. 
In effect they are just sitting on the fence. I think I want to change clinics but I know its going to be a real task to get DP to change as he says its easier to get to Spain etc. Like you say, I will keep an open mind until we have our consultation next week. I am also thinking of doing a Mind and Body course at the Bridge. Its a 10 week course 3 hours a week. You get to meet people like yourself etc.. And learn how to deal with all this stuff better. Have any of you ladies done one of these? The cost is a bit steep at £480 and DP is not too convinced, but I think it could help me as all this TX can be very isolating at times.

On a more inspiring note, I went to Raddlet today to see a fellow FF"er. She has just had her 8th TX and is 12 weeks pregnant!! Its given me loads of hope. She's having a rough time because of all the drugs she's been on for support of the TX but so far so good for her regarding the baby. There is some light at the end of all this

Anyway, Bye for now, have lovely evenings 
Moogx


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone-just a quick one from me today,I promise to email a more personalised post tomorrow.Up North back home this part of the holidays, visiting my godson who is 5 today.Always feel like some barren freak amongst all the mothers and when left in the room with them,I have totally nothing in common nor anything to say to them at all.My best friend is on tenterhooks as I had previously told her that if anyone asked if I had considered adoption,I would now,after years of politeness, tell them to *** off, but I have promised to be on my best behaviour.Shame really as I do sometimes get a kick out of it when someone asks the inevitable question of how many kids I have and I tell them (and being  northerner, I have a perchance for bluntness!) Hell, I've earnt the satisfaction...

Love to all.

B x


----------



## Nordickat

Moog - Patterdales are very cute    and another true terrier by the sounds of it. I bought mine a new squeaky toy today and he had the squeak removed in 10 minutes   


Beth - be brave fellow Northerner    and be good   


Wobs - you are not supposed to be working remember. We want to hear about your time off!


My uplifting afternoon lasted me about an hour before teh bottom was ripped out of my world again. After hysteria in the high street and a very upset DH on the phone, I have now drunk enough booze to numb the pain in my heart for another night


----------



## Moog

*Nordickat*    
I have been there, many times. I am NOT, and I mean NOT trying to preach, but booze is evil when you are feeling low about all this fertility stuff. Is there anyone you can call to chat about it all? Or instead of the booze, stuff yourself with choc instead. I know that sounds silly, but the booze will make you feel worse. You know that anyway.
Just wanted to say that you are not alone    and am thinking of you


----------



## bethholm

Kat- sending you massive hugs from your northern friend who is trying so hard to be good amongst the fertile ones here  ! You are more than welcome to come over to us in Devon for some TLC (and wine and chocolate) if you need to.  We so appreciated your offer last time we were in Haugesund.

I am still drinking wine despite cycling at the end of next month/beginning of April but need to as it takes the edge off things a little ie reality (god, I sound like an alcoholic!!!







) I watched War Horse last night and ended up googling the plot as I felt that I couldn't emotionally manage to watch it if it turned out to be too sad! Shed loads of tears anyway!

Fortunately this year for the first time, I have missed godson's official birthday party which usually consists of a huge amount of fertile women cooing over their offspring at some awful themed play centre. My BF's gay friend who I know, came over tonight and was fabulous as he came straight up to me and gave me a big kiss and said, 'So sorry about your latest news. Isn't mother nature a ***t (the bad word) at times,' which was great as I was tired of being tiptoed around and his bluntness made me smile as he was right. He had also actually taken the time to text BFF's partner to ask was it ok to mention it to me as well. If only the world was full of people like him!

This is the first time being up here that I am finding this whole motherhood thing totally alien; maybe it's because we have been on the TTC journey too long and harden ourselves for protection. Children are hard work (albeit delightful at times) and whether it's because of my job, I find it hard to relax with kids around and also get upset a little my BFF's youngest doesn't remember me at all from last time. I haven't seen them for a year, the longest ever, but we simply have had no money to make the journey nor free time which hasn't involved IVF or immune treatment etc. I simply can't be ar*ed, to put it mildly, to engage in any conversation really with all these mothers as I simply am not interested in their child. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so after all we have put ourselves through especially as the vast amount of them have popped them out like shelling peas. Whilst all this is happening up here, DH is playing happy families with his kids and his 6 month grandaughter that I still can't face and still he can't understand why I can't see her. I explain that it is the very fact that she is his flesh and blood and he replies that this is the very reason why I should make the effort...

I also still haven't shed much of my pregnancy weight from last time and that is really playing on my mind as I do have issues with my weight and food, even though I am quite slim (ish). Now, most clothes don't fit me and none of my jeans will go past my knees (I haven't really tried this out, but know it will happen, so I am saving myself the upset of trying them on!) If I lose weight, it will affect my egg quality, but I feel like a heffer, which doesn't do much for the self esteem! Oh, what we put ourselves through.

Moog- re being financially ruined, I am pressurising DH to sell a kidney on ebay (only joking) as by the time we actually have a child, we will be living in a tent. No birthday parties or Christmases for ours; they will be paying us back the £40,000 we have spent on having them and will be sending them up chimneys or down a pit as soon as they can stand  ! Sorry to hear of your problems with your clinic. Have you considered Serum?

Off to sleep now all you wonderful ladies. Will keep you posted and will try to keep my wicked tongue in check with those mothers. 

Beth xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

morning all, 
Shouldn't be here cos it's fat club morning & I should be sorting out my lightest clothes etc, but wanted to postpone the agony a bit longer.
Kat   and a    to your beautiful dog, he's stunning.
Beth, wish I could be a bit blunter, I should have an Oscar for my behaviour in fertileland!
BBL xx


----------



## Nordickat

SL4E - Thanks. He is a very handsome young man   . I hope fat club wasn't too painful   

Beth -   One of the downsides of admitting defeat on the tx thing is that now we have no child to pay for our old age after spending our fortune trying to get said child. I hope you find some peace during your trip and no you are not a bad person, just a person who hurts   

Moog - I know all the pitfalls of drinking but I don't know how else to feel numb or to sleep. I told my shrink I didn't want to take my sleeping meds because they give me a hangover and are addictive .... ironic hey  . I am very self destructive in the hard times and since I don't need my body anymore its hard to look after it as I should   . Tomorrow I have my first community psych appt, a GPs appt and a chat with the community psych support unit so I guess that'll be enough talking tomorrow to last me a lifetime. Thanks for caring but I'm tough as old boots me.

Can I ask a question? Does anybody else feel betrayed when somebody they have confided in a lot about this journey finally gets their tx BFP? I feel like the worst person in the world for it and really do hate myself for it today. The last remaining person I had that was truly close and I really could talk to has finally gone on to BFP world. Of course I am absolutely delighted for her but feel so betrayed, so lonely and so utterly empty today  . You'd think after so many years of it I'd have leant my lesson by now. Don't get close to people and don't share inner tx thoughts because eventually they all move on to bigger and better things - my new mantra!

Love to you all, 
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Right, I'm back for a proper chat, and same weight as last week, phew. Went to a buffet restaraunt for a girly lunch last friday, and didn't hold back, but didn't do much damage.
Kat, about the betrayal....difficult one. I try not feel it with my IF friends, very few of my 'normal' friends and family know, but the time I have felt that emotion really strongly is among the friends who have lost babies, who have all gone on to have at least one child.I dropped out of SANDS cos I was left behind. Maybe I don't feel it so much with the BFP club is just the good old passage of time bringing some degree of healing? I find it hard to make and maintain close friendships these days, cos it's usually based on the lie that I'm happy without kids. I hope you're still standing by this time tomorrow. There's one GP at our practice who phoned me at home to do the mental  health assessment before repeating the script for my antid's, and she said 'I hope you're being truthful with me'. I did find a lovely counsellor once, just established a good therapeutic relationship when he went off and had a heart attack. Must admit I worry too about who is going to come & visit me in the nursing home when I'm completely clapped out. 
Beth, there are some lovely campsites in Noth Devon, we could adjacent pitches, DH is all for selling the house & living in a mobile home. I'm all for child labour too - my godkids are coming on saturday to make the decorations for MIL's 80th party. Most of the kids coming are older now, so I've had chance to come to terms with their existence. No chance of us meeting anyone like that lovely guy at our 'do'. 
Moog, I hope you do find the course  helpful, I haven't tried a single thing along those lines, not even a relaxation CD. 
Wobs, I hope all work is now under lock & key, and that you're relaxing, with or without the wine & chocolate   
Rosa, I hope you've ditched the ironing too   
Coweyes, I trained at Guys, have lots of happy memories of the place, I hope it gives you your dream this time 
 to everyone else reading xx


----------



## coweyes

Nordickat

I always ment to ask you about the dog picture, whats he/she called?  One of my dogs is a proper Jack Russell the other is a mixture of everything, and yes there both totally mad!  I hope tomorrow goes ok and that you feel supported and understood. xxx

Seemslike4eva

What do you do as a living, are you a nurse.  I have to say taht so far i like Guys.  I was scared the first time as its soooo huge, i live in little Taunton, so London feels very busy!  Guys is the best place for me to  have treatment as they are the centre for pgd, so hoping beyond hope that it comes good this time. Thank you for you good wishes.

Beth

Where do you live in Devon?  I live in Somerset but work in Devon.  xx

Hello everone else. x


----------



## Moog

Hi everyone
Hope you are all good today
I listened to a mindfulness/meditation CD last by Shamish Alidinah. It comes with his book, Mindfulness for Dummies. I would really recommend to you all for relaxation and for putting your minds in a better place. its certainly helping me.  I was around 5 mins into it and i felt totally at peace with myself and the world. At one point I could hear myself breathing heavily as though I were asleep but my mind was still aware of my surroundings etc.. Felt really weird yet very peaceful. Am doing one of his yoga courses in March so really looking forward to that. 

I have now heard back from Penny at Serum In Athens and also IVI Valencia. DP wants us to stay with a clinic in Spain (even though I keep telling him they are much more expensive) Anyway like I said previous, we have our consultation with Dr Summers at The Bridge next week and i am going to keep an open mind until then. Also really thinking that I should do this 10 week Mind and Body Course. It can only do good and also put you in touch with people who are only too familiar with your plight. 

OK must dash now got to get to Kings X. DP is working up in Newcastle this weekend and taking me with   Staying in a nice hotel and I am treating myself to a facial. 

Hope you all have fab w/e. Stay happy, busy and focused

Moogx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Moog, have a lovely weekend   
Coweyes, I used to be a nurse...I took medical retirement, which with the way pensions are going is may be not a bad thing. I just do some voluntary community outreach stuff now.
Had an email back from my clinic in Czech about treatment planning. They used to use donated embryos from couples who had finished treatment, but due to a change in the law, they now have to use professional donors. It was the voluntary donation aspect that attracted me to them, as both DH and I felt most comfortable with that ethically. Probably sounds stupid, have no problem with biological linkage but I read some Christian stuff about IVF, and that leaned heavily towards altruistic donation being the only acceptable way forward.  I haven't confided in anyone at church about the IF in any way, and have no intention of doing so, crumbs I'm sounding like a proper hypocrite now.
Kat    hope your day has been beneficial, and not too traumatic
Beth, Wobs, hope you're making the most of the remaining half-term.
  to LTW, Waikiki, JBox, Winegum, Kitten, Rosa, Sarah, Dawn, Bub, Natrusgirl, Pinkpixie and anyone else around here xxx


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone-currently stuck on a budget bus with a toilet out of order,surrounded by students (all fertile probably as I see people these days not in terms of their age,but how fertile they probably are) with another 7 hours to go until I reach Devon.It's been a particularly difficult trip up North.It's always a hard one as it usually involves lots of babies,toddlers,smug mummies and daddies who have managed to reproduce with no difficulties.Unless they are IVF children,I simply have no interest in them whatsoever.The mums look at me either as a freak without kids or with sympathy.Either way p**** me off. It worries me that I feel this way;this lack of any interest in children at all.Is it a protective mechanism after all this time,or what the hell am I doing putting myself through all these cycles of IVF and £40k poorer down the line for.I remember one of you ladies mentioned the exact feelings a few pages back.I'm sure it's a protection thing but it's been a difficult 4 days and since starting my medication for the next 'push over the top' I seem to be an angry person. I spend most of my time at the moment,either incredibly angry or in tears, sometimes both.There has to be some end to this way of life soon.

Apologies ladies for the me post.Will post again a more personal one to everyone later.

Much love to you all.

X


----------



## longtimewaiting

I know there’s been lots going on here and I’ve been reading but not found the time or energy to post. Feeling a deep dragging sadness that I’m scared won’t go away, not sure why it’s so bad now, hoping it’s just a nasty PMT month and I’ll feel better in a few days. I feel like I could cry and never stop, it’s been an hour so far. DH has stropped off ‘out’ in a mood – he can’t cope with me like this. I can’t cope with me like this – when will I feel ok about where I am in all this? Will it ever feel ok? An empty weekend has been the mistake – not enough distraction to keep me going. Like others, feeling worried that DH and I can’t cope well enough to be nice to each other now, would the added pressure of children push us to breaking point? Maybe that’s why tx never works, my body knows we won’t survive the ups and downs of a family of our own.

I’m worried we’ll never make it to being one of those ‘live birth’ statistics, or that we will and family life won’t live up to expectations. This IF crap really messes with your mind.

Sorry everyone – knowing you’ll understand like no one else x x x


----------



## Nordickat

Moog - i hope you had a lovely weekend of luxury   . The effects from your CD sound like the feeling you get from valium and morphine   

Beth -     Of course its just a protection mechanism. You will make a fab mum one day and cope with all of the ups and downs of motherhood like a pro. I´m sorry your few days way were hard on you and I hope being home again has let you breath a huge sigh of relief.

LTW -     to you too. Surely you and DH are having a hard time because of the huge pressure of tx. The pressure of being parents is entirely different. OK, I´m sure its not easy, but it is full of wonderful times as well as hard times and that has to make it easier to cope with. Raising a child together is tough no doubt but its a joint cause that you can fight together and make a wonderful job of together. The good bits of being a parent far outweigh the bad. IF doesn´t have any of the good bits, just the bad and that makes life hard, all day every day. You will make a fab mum too and you and DH will enjoy every second of it together. 

SL4E - you don´t sound like a hypocrite and I think we all understand the need to find a way to motherhood that feels right for us   

Wobs and Beth - I hope being back at work is not too hard tomorrow.

I survived my first appt with my new shrink. She is OK I think although bit sharper than the average cookie so some of my bluffing tactics won´t work for sure   . She also wants me to talk to a psychiatrist   . I have no idea why but that terrifies me and despite making my promise to turn up next week, I´m not sure if I can go through with it. Just the word ´psychiatrist´makes me feel ill   . She also got cross at my drinking and also my working 100%. As a result I´m now working 50% for a few weeks while I try and get my head back the right way up. IF seems to have full control over my life even when its not supposed to be part of my life anymore. Ho hum.

Love to you all, 
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I want to make everyone feel better. I want to make us all mums. I want to repair the cracks in everyone's relationships. For those who are pg at the moment, I want to make sure it all goes well for you.
But.....I have no magic wand, I always forget to buy a lottery ticket, so all I can do is     for each and every one of us. Maybe if I won the lottery I could at least hire a luxury coach & get some plane tickets to round everyone up for a lovely meal somewhere plush.
I can identify with all the sentiments above, and have felt them at some point or another, or in my really black moments all together. I'm also good at the bluffing, Kat...even worse since I had to do a counselling course for work   .


Another week looms, lots of projects to keep me busy, lots of sewing, need to keep my hands occupied cos I'm contemplating giving up chocolate for Lent. As if DH doesn't have enough to contend with, a chocolate free me when PMT strikes   
Sweet dreams everyone xx


----------



## coweyes

SL4E, Nordickat is right you are not a hypocrite, not what so ever.

Nordickat, Glad your appointment went well.  Dont be scared of seeing a psychiatrist, give it a go even if its just once.

Moog, how are you doing?

Hello everyone else. xx


----------



## wobs

Ladies what a lot of heartche, but also what a lot of wise words and hope.  Some tears and smiles as I read this. It seems so unfair that people have to go through all this.      To all


Kat you sound brighter. Well done.  As i often say to myself fake it til you make it
First day back after half term today...horrible...must start seriously working out my plan b...my maternity leave ruse sems unlikely   it is daft though how long i have put my life on hold for all this...ho hum...
Sorry for lack of personals


Off early to bed. Exhausted! 
Take care all 
Wobs


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## seemedlike4eva

happy pancake day everyone!
Managed to crack a tooth that I'd had repaired before Christmas, dentist assured me it'd last years, yeh right. I'm on warfarin, so if I need any fancy dental treatment like a crown, I have to go to a specialist dental clinic, to which I have to be referred by my 'normal' dentist. I really don't want to have to postpone treatment cos of a flamin tooth.
Kat, hope you're feeling the benefit of working half-time.
Beth, hope return to work has been OK for you.
LTW   
Wobs, hope you're less exhausted today. I haven't completely formulated a life-plan that doesn't include being a mum. I've stopped putting stuff on hold quite as much.
   to the rest of the gang x


----------



## Moog

Hiya Everyone 

*Bethholm*
Ditto what NordicK said earlier . Its a self protection mechanism. You will be a mum one day and a very good one too. 

*LTW *
The pressure of all this stuff we are going through is immense. It brings up all sorts of emotions and questions that we ask and demand of our partners that everyday couples, who sail through life, never really have to face and ask each other. Think of it this way, you and your DH are really special, strong and amazing people as you are together and facing one of the hardest things couples ever have to put themselves through (in my mind anyway) If you need to cry, then so be it, but don't feel guilty. Also , having kids is a totally separate issue to what you are experiencing now with DH. 
When you and your DH become parents ( and it will happen, you have to believe it will happen! ) you will be amazing parents. Keep positive 

*NordicK*
i know hat you mean about the valium. I was prescribed it 5 years ago, just for 7 days as I had hurt the base of my back big style. 
It was an amazing 7 days... 

*Seemslike4eva *
Hope the tooth gets sorted 

*Wobs, Coweyes* hello!

*Me*
Well first of all, Newcastle was an eye opener... I won't say anything else for fear of being labeled a snob or a stuck up so and so, which I am not as I lived the first 20 years of my life in Salford. But it was an eye-opener . Nobody seemed to be wearing coats when it was -4 outside 

Today DP and I had our consultation at the Bridge. Dr Summers has said he feels that its a womb lining issue and that he recommends I have an E-tegrity test. He was very approachable and spoke to us on the level and not too patronising, like some of the docs have that we have seen. The test is not cheap, roughly £750, and we may have to do it twice. it basically means that I have to do a mock cycle, as if i were preparing for a donor eggs, but instead of having a transfer, I have a womb lining biopsy. the findings are couriered over to the US and results come back within a week. Depending on what they find, (If they detect Beta 3 Integrin or not) well this could have a massive impact on whether the embryos implant. Dr Summers also said that for DP to have had the FISH and Fragmentation tests would have been a complete waste of our time and money. He is also totally against me having NK tests as he says there is not enough evidence out there to support it. (Which is how I feel anyway)
So we have renewed hope and are feeling positive again. We both felt extremely naughty though, as we left the clinic at 10 .45am having been there since 8.30am. The first thing I said when we left the clinic was that I needed a drink  DP agreed and we snuck into a pub opposite at 10.50am and had a drink of wine whilst chatting about our consultation. it was fab! Though felt like a real alchi 
Anyway, must go now. DPs Ma and Pa are down tomorrow, so need to sort the spare room plus i am doing my daily mediation CD 

Keep happy and busy!
Moogxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Lovelies!
Hope it's going to be a good weekend everyone.
Moog, now I know what the E-tegrity test is, had heard the term, but no clue what it was. That does seem a sensible option. Here's hoping xx
Beth, hopefully you're not stuck on a coach again today, and able to relax amid the stress of treatment plans.
Kat, hope you're bearing up, and having some good moments  
LTW,  hope this weekend is less stressful for you & DH, it's so hard, some of our fiercest rows have stemmed from IF issues.
Hello Wobs and Coweyes
Well, I got a temp filling in my tooth, but got to have a crown after all - should have been done in the first place. Have been in bed all week with a really severe kidney infection, managing just about to dodge hospital. At least I have a distraction for he dreaded mother's day, I am booked in for an MRI scan of my knees on that sunday, yippee! No outlaws for dinner hopefully. My mum died 8 years ago, so I really have no reason to celebrate.
Lots of love to everyone xx


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies
SOrry been AWOL it's sooooo lovely to be back at work - NOT!!!! DId manage a few nice days out in half term in end.

Never heard of e-tegrity test -sounds v interesting.
What is FISH

SL4E - hope you are feeling better soon.  SOrry re: your mum      Cunning plan re; mother's day

Off to sleep/eat!!
Wobs

ps Kat - hi! hope you're ok


----------



## pinkpixie

hi everyone just wanted to say hi and    to everyone who needs it.
xx
h


----------



## Rosa1939

Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is doing ok.  I've been away from the boards for a while and not had a chance to properly catch up with all the goings on but will do.  

PinkPixie, hope you are doing well, so nice to see some good news!  

I finish my 25 days course of antibiotics this Friday, its gone fairly quickly and its not been bad at all, only the heavy duty dose of Zithromycin (I think that's how its spelled) is quite heavy going, I feel sick and need to be very near a loo once I've taken those! ha ha! Luckily only 3 days of those, the last one on Friday so a quiet night in for us then!  

I've had some bad news and been feeling quite low last week and this week (not IF related), also its the first Mother's Day since my lovely mum passed away so dreading that, my husband's mum invited us over but I refused, really can't face company on that day so going to spend it with my dad and brother.

Hello to everyone here, Beth, Kat, Wobs, LTW, SL4E, Moog, Coweyes and everyone else, big hug to all.
Rx


----------



## Nordickat

and    to you all and sorry for my absence. I thought I was doing OK and getting better but it seems I´m not and I´m a bit upset and scared about it. I will be back though I promise.

Thanks for the pms too. I don´t have it in me to reply at the moment but I will soon. They are very much appreciated though and help a huge amount   

Love to everyone, 
Katxxx


----------



## bethholm

Kat- lovely as ever to see you on here.So sorry my love that you are feeling things are difficult.Sending you big hugs from your northern friend.

It's my birthday today and even IF invades that too with many cards stating this would be 'my year.' At 43 I have had 3 years of this and I'm still bl00dy waiting! I've been feeling really poorly for a week now,which is unusual and my acupuncturist said that my pulses are all over the place as I'm so tired.  Sat on the stairs tonight and cried.I am tired of it all.

Also I reckon I've got a speeding ticket tonight too after doing 33mph in a 20mph, going downhill yards before a 40mph limit.Great.Have no money to pay the fine so I'll enjoy waiting for that to come through the post.Not. Glad this birthday is drawing to an end.

Will do more personals at the weekend ladies.

Love to you all.

B x


----------



## coweyes

Nordickat   hope things start to sort them self out for you soon. Your posts always strik a cord in me as I am coming to the end of treatment to and am scared of how I am going to handle things!

Bethholm I hate that saying "this is tour year" should have been my turn for the last 6 years! HopIng you don't get a speeding ticket.

Afm I had a hycosie on sat and all ok with my womb and one tube, but anti biotics r making me feel sick, glad today is the last day!


----------



## Nordickat

coweyes -   If I am honest, the mess I am in is nothing to do with IF, admittedly the pain of never hearing the word ´mummy´ hurts like crazy, but its not the reason I am struggling with life. Failing to be a mother just makes dealing with the other stuff much harder thats all. I don´t want you to think that stopping IF means an instant spiral downwards, its not always like that. I hope it never becomes an issue for you and that this tx works, but don´t see me as your future. I hate the thought that you think you would follow my footsteps - you won´t    And anyway, I´m planning on waving you off to the pregnancy boards   . Sorry - please rearrange that paragraph into proper legible English, I have actually had to translate my thoughts from Norwegian tonight   


Beth - Happy birthday to you, I just wish it had been a kinder one. Grief is a horrible lonely thing and if you have to sit on the stairs and let some of it out then so be it. I hope the tears gave you some relief    and I hope tomorrow is better in some way.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone

Thank you to Kat, SL4E, Moog and others for your kind and thoughtful words, I’ve been reading and they are very much appreciated. Trying to remember parenthood has ups and downs, unlike IF which for us has been downs and downs. I’ve finally managed a catch up wiht the thread - so warning now this is a bit of a mega post – sorry!

I’ve been keeping busy back at work after half term and have filled my lunchtimes, evenings and weekend with friends and family. I actually find seeing kids reaffirming – I love them so much it gives me what I need to keep going and looking forward. I get other times when I just want to avoid anything child related so understand Beth’s recent posts too. 

I really need to find time to sit down and think through our options – CRGH, The Lister or Serum, and also been keeping an eye on Zita West Clinic. I’ve had my head in the sand with the excuse of waiting for our karyotyping results because decisions are too difficult – this is our last go so we have to make the right decision and we’ll only ever feel it was the right decision if it works, won’t we! The karyotyping excuse just expired – results arrived yesterday and are normal. I know I should be pleased but part of me wanted a reason for all our failures and this could have been it (hoping you’ll understand this daft thinking!). Also received a copy of my notes today – depressing reading but good to have and pass on wherever we go next.

I’ve been doing the yoga a couple of times a week and I’m sure it helping with stress and helping me sleep a little better – I’d recommend it to anyone struggling – it was just a £6 DVD and well worth the money.

Found it strangely comforting reading Kat’s new mantra a while ago ‘don’t get close to people’ and SL4E’s post about friendships being ‘based on the lie that I’m happy without kids’ – this is all I can do, I can’t do the tell all without obviously fighting back the tears and coming over like a completely neurotic madwoman! Don’t know what I would do without you lot to stop me feeling isolated and lonely.

Hi Wobs – hope school is ok and you’re generally coping ok with stuff  . When you say high doses of vit C & E for DNA fragmentation – how high is high? And what is y-microdeletion? I think my doctor said it relates to karyotype results so best to get them first but now they are normal I wonder if y-microdeletion is something we should look at? 

Hi Pinkpixie – when’s your next scan? HB last week must have been amazing – so pleased for you  

Hi Jbox – just read you had a girl! Congratulations, so pleased your donor concerns have disappeared  

Hi SL4E – have you made any decisions about the Czech changes in donors? Hope you can find a way forward that you are happy with. I’m not thinking about mother’s day – is there really another one here already?!  

Hi Rosa1939 – hope you’re ok, non IF bad news, no mum and no kids with mother’s day looming; it’s a lot to cope with  

Hi Moog – must be hard going with your Spanish clinic, they don’t sound like they are terribly helpful. Your appt at The Bridge last week sounds encouraging though – interesting reading about the E-tegrity test – must ask the clinics I’m considering whether they offer that. The Bridge Mind & Body course sounds good too and not that expensive when you think its 30 hours – sounds like you’re really benefitting from the Mindfulness CD so am sure the course would be good for you. (Really good to hear a follow FF had made it on tx 8 – gives us all hope  ) Your posts have made me wonder if my DH needs FISH and Fragmentation tests? Also wondering what you think about Serum? 

Hi Nordickat – thinking of you lots   try to take your shrink’s advice: look after yourself before others! Hope your psych and GP appts and 50% working help you get back on track. Ps - my DH thinks counseling is a waste of time too x 

Lovely to hear your dogs keep you sane Coweyes, SL4E and NordicKat – used to be dog phobic but getting better since very good friends of ours got a massive dog that looks like a wolf! She looks scary but is lovely – might even have to get a dog if this baby thing doesn’t work out, anyone who knows me would be very shocked by that thought! 

Hi Beth – happy birthday for yesterday! Thank you for the info on drug prices (ages ago). Anger, tears and exhaustion all seem to be part of the process – tx or grieving - so we unfortunately open ourselves up to lots of it – just go with it and take each day at a time, it’s the only way   I’m hoping you haven’t got a speeding ticket on your birthday – that really wouldn’t be fair x 

Hi Coweyes – good news on the hycosie, fingers crossed with the next step – keep us posted  

There are a few mentions about this being a numbers game and I’m a bit confused on this one – our old clinic had been very much of that view which is why we have continued but they almost changed their tune at our last follow up and Dr A at CRGH said if it doesn’t work after 6 good goes then it’s not going to work. Is it a numbers game? When is it time to give up?

Hi to everyone - Bub, Hbkmorris, MandyPandy, Sarah1712, Waikiki, Naisher30, Ruthybee, Dawnp, Natrusgirl, anyone else around at the moment.

Sorry it’s a bit of a rambling all over the place post!


----------



## coweyes

Nordickat

O bless you thank you so much for the reasurrance.  I guess if i was honest i am scared of being in the same place i was when i was 20 years old and my dear dad was killed in a traffic accident, needless to say there is a lot more to the story than that! But thats not relevent.  But what i do know is that the feeling i had then were terrible and very scary.  I lived in fear for years of going back to that very dark place and feeling depressed and as if life was not worth it.  I then met my dh and he picked me out of the darkness, only to find ourselves in this whole IF mess a few years later, its just scary that all. But thank you so much for your kind works and consern, you are a dear. xxxx

Longtimewaiting

I can totally understand your mixed feeling about the karyotyping coming back as normal.  When i found out i had a chromazone problem it smacked me off my feet, but a year on i know thats probably the reason why we have not had any sucess.  It also changes the course of action regarding treatment and gives you just a little bit of renewed hope.  I also have to say in a very weird way it has helped me begin to come to turms with the fact that it may not happen for us.  Even though i was angry to start with it has kind of helped me become less angry and effected by other peoples pg and babies.  The reason being is that i can not reason with the fact that having messed up chromazones may well stop me having a baby, i just can not reason with that, its far far to big and complicated.  So there for i feel as if its totally our of my control, so i dont really attach this to others ability to have a baby.  Probably not explaining myself very well!!.  But when we started this journey it was due to my dh having low sperm count.  I just to look at other men who were fathers and say how come your sperm is ok!!  Your older than my dh, less fit and drink heavily, where is the justice in that!! Basically it has allowed me to get a level of exceptance.

Have you both had karyotyping or just your dh?


----------



## Nordickat

Coweyes   I think the feelings of failure to become a mum and the feelings of loneliness that come with it send us back to the times that we have felt the same in the past but for other reasons. I hope you make your dad a proud grandad though, up there where ever he is   . Do remember though that you have your DH this time to stop you getting into the darkness in the first place, you have a much better start this time.

LTW -   Sometimes taking a break and having your head in the sand for a while is just what you need for a bit. Welcome back to the real world though


----------



## coweyes

Nordickat


Yes you are right, and thats something that i must remember. xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

It's nice to see folks checking in - we do worry if you're AWOL. 

Thanks for the good wishes, feeling much better, that may change as have to get up at 6am tomorrow to prepare a buffet for MIL's 80th party. No idea how many guests, will be at least 60, praying the food will go round, and maybe that the water will turn to a nice rose... and also that AF realises that she's NOT invited!
Aiming to be back at the weekend to catch up properly.


----------



## Grace72

hello - hope i can post here as not sure where to go. I wasnt planning on testing today but i started wheezing a fair bit , thought i would call the Dr in case i needed to worry. He did . Asked me to do the test straight away. Rushed from work , into a chemist, rushed back in the work loo to find its BFN!      He wanted me to reduce the steroids in the next few days, burst into tears . He doesnt have too many answers right now but all he could say was after 2 failed cycles and non on the going to blasts its a embryo quality issue. Whether its egg or sperm NO CLUE ! arghhhhh .  He did say looking at the two embryos they didnt look good.  Not what the embryologist said at the time!  He wants me to do a chromosomal test as DH DNA was ok. Should we NOT have done this before!  i feel so numb and in shock .  I just seem to have any answers and what further tests we now need to do. I thought the book was thrown at us this cycle. Hitting 40 this year , how long should i wait for another cycle?  Just v confused and what to believe as i feel the clinic is now back tracking. ICSI was supposed to do the job and now not sure what will work.  How do i find out if is an egg quality issue? I had raised NK cells , should i retest again? Or wait for all the drugs to come out of my system. Does anyone know someone in London who i can turn to to find out the answers for immunes and chromosome issues?

Thanks so much 

Grace


----------



## Nordickat

Grace    I´m so sorry about your BFN. I´m not chasing you off the thread because of course you are welcome here, but you might get a quicker response from the immunes board - this thread can go quiet for days at a time. I hope you find some answers and a way forward    .


----------



## coweyes

Hi Grace


So sorry to hear about your bfn    .  I know a bit about chromazone testing as i found out a year ago that i have a balanced translocation.  I only found this out by chance after having 2 x icsi and 1 fet.  I found this out at The Lister where i was hoping to do egg share, they also did some immune testing on me, they found out that i have high nk cells.  


No unfortunetly chromazone testing is not regularly checked, as its quite rare, also normally there is a history of miscarriage or disability with in the family.  I am now about to start pgd at Guys hospital as they are able to use the pgd process to ween out the embryos that are no good.


I am not sure of the name of the test but think its called Karyotyping, (thats not how you spell it though!) If your consultant thinks there may be an issue with immunes or chromazones i would def def get the chromazone test, as this really does change the direction that your treatment goes in.  Its very very specialist, expensive and even more complicated that normal ivf/icsi.  But its the only way to go if you do have a chromazone problem.  PM me if you want to chat. xxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Coweyes – sorry to hear about your Dad, so horribly sad for you and obviously difficult to cope with. Thanks for understanding my ramblings – feel really daft tho thinking about what you’ve been thru. We’ve both had karyotyping and both results are normal. Had they not been, after 8 cycles, I think I would have actually lost the plot! I’m pleased you are now able to accept and move forward with renewed hope – really positive and I hope with all hope possible that this cycle is the one for you.

Thanks Kat – still not quite in the real world, have distracted myself by booking a holiday in Portugal for Easter! And am posting here rather than make decisions on tx!

Hi SL4E – good luck with the catering!

Welcome Grace72 – I feel like I know you as I popped into the CRGH thread in Jan and have been keeping an eye on it ever since. Sorry if that sounds weird – I’m changing clinics for my next and final tx and CRGH is on my shortlist. 

I’m so very sorry to hear your terrible news   BFNs are so heartbreakingly sad and only people who have been there can understand. Give yourself time to recover and grieve your loss. So often there seem to be no reasons or answers when tx fails and that is so frustrating. 

Coweyes obviously knows lots more about chromosomal problems but I just wanted to let you know we have recently had the karyotyping test and it took 8 cycles before this was suggested to us (one of the reasons we are leaving this clinic). As Coweyes said, problems are very rare so they don’t suggest testing initially, but I think it’s worth testing as it isn’t that expensive in the scheme of things (approx £400 for you both) and it’s good to have as many answers as possible. We actually managed to get our GP to do the tests for us on the NHS so this may be worth a try. 

Maybe wait and see what CRGH say at your follow up appt about this and immunes? Like Kat says the immunes board can be helpful. Maybe think about other clinics if your faith in this one is faltering? It may be way too early for you to think about this – it took me a long time to decide to change but it may be something to consider. Only you can decide what is right for you, how long you can wait, whether you want a second opinion etc. Please pm me if you want to know more about the clinics I’m looking at and the differences between them. I don’t want to preach and tell you what to do but am more than happy to share what I know.

Take care and look after yourself.

Love to everyone else x x x


----------



## coweyes

Longtimewaiting


O bless you, it was a long time ago.  Tbh with you i am pretty positive about it now a days, love my dad to bits, and thats all i choose to think about not the horrific way he died.  He also gives me a little strength from up above when the fertility journey gets a bit tough. xxxx


----------



## wobs

HI ladies

Sorry I've been awol.  Who'd be a teacher is all I can say...Been working crazy crazy hours...spent most of my weekend working   It's rubbish.  The only thing I can say is that I have been sooooo busy I haven't had time to think!!

Sorry things have not been soooo great for some people on here     
Kat - good to see you here - hope slowly but surely you are getting there... take care

must dash....off to sleep!!!
Wobs


----------



## Nordickat

Wobs - I was working all weekend too and it sucks (My sicknote is clearly not worth the paper its written on  ). Not long til easter thought hey?


LTW - Holidays can be considered therapy and all part of the healing process   . Portugal will be lovely.


 everyone else
Katxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi all - just sent questionnaire to Penny at Serum, one step forward!

Wobs and Kat - stop working so hard!

Love to everyone x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Penny has replied already with lots of pertinent questions and advice - I'm impressed. Got to find out more about an op DH had on his bits 10 years ago. More small steps forward.

Love to everyone x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello again,
have just lost a long post, so trying again!

Grace, welcome. Sorry that you've had the pain of a BFN, but there are plenty of shoulders to cry on here. As regards immunes etc, I would certainly look at a chromosone test first, if that turns out to be the problem, you may not need the immunes. Dr Gorgy is the hot shot in London, but his fees are quite high. You might also want to look up Trevor Wing, he treats immune issues with mycolocy. Penny at Serum also offers immune testing and treatmaent, with a less aggressive programme than Dr Gorgy, and even with the cost of a trip to Athens may work our cheaper than Dr G. A lady called Agate has lots of info on here about immunes.

Kat, I hope you are managing some recuperation time. I once had a boss who would only accept a sick note from the Coroner...

Wobs, I'm all for distraction therapy, but please don't burn yourself out

LTW, I hope the Serum magic works for you. The numbers game eventually came up for my friend on #17, on her 3rd DFET, after a mix of IUI and IVF. It is such a lottery, especially choosing where to go, when clinics have good success rates, then we turn up & buck the trend in the wrong direction. Not long til Easter, and the Portugese sunshine.

Beth, how are you doing? I don't really 'do' my birthday either. Hope the speeding ticket failed to materialise.

Coweyes, how are your plans?

Moog, I've definitely been into a wine bar opposite The Bridge before noon, but I'm sure I only had a coffee 

Rosa  hope everything's OK

Not much to report here, survived MILs party, and catered without poisoning anyone. I've decided to stick with my little clinic in Czech, even tho the donor policy has changed, because it's small, personal and I like them. can't go this cycle because of MRI right in the middle, but going to get back on all the vits and minerals for next time.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Helloooo....Anybody there?
It's quiet around here.
I've committed to next cycle   , FET planned for 11/12 April, dependant on AF playing ball. Still can't believe I've committed to it.
On the one hand I want to be a mum more than anything, but stepping out of the comfort zone of 'planning' is scary, and I just can't get it out of my mind that it'll be a BFN again. Who needs PMA when we are always the other end of the stats, ie the x% for whom it doesn't work?


Just drinking up all the wine before I get back on the wagon *cheers* everyone!


----------



## Nordickat

SL4E - Enjoy the last of the vino   . 

I´ve been admitted back into hospital   so I´ve not been around for a bit. I think I´m in for the long haul this time sadly but I´ll browse here when I have the energy.
Love to you all,
Katxxx


----------



## Grace72

Hi - thanks for your responses. We are still trying to find answers to why we got another BFN,    I finally spoke to the embryologist and he thinks that given that only 2 survived the ICSI process and that was a 5 and 6 cell by day 2 then the fast cell division indicated a chromosome problem in the 6 cell. Quality of the embryo wasn't good either but i didn't think grade 2 plus was bad either  . None of this was discussed at ET. So not sure if they are now back tracking. I asked about chromosome testing and he thought a blood test wouldn't necessarily indicate anything until you test on the embryo itself. 

coweyes - u mentioned balanced translocation was this through karotyping? Was there a treatment for this and if so how long ? We have realised that there's a waiting list on other clinics and some prefer to do their own tests and wont accept others. Frustrating as we would like some answers now.

SeemsL4eva - i had my blow out too. Wine, coffee the works   Went to a nutrionist and now on a detox for a week . Been hard day 2 already! Know what you mean about the stats against us. Whilst researching other clinics , I'm slipping into the next age bracket and its hard reading but trying to remain positive. Never thought in my 20's and early 30's that it would come to this.. all those years of not trying to get pregnant! 

Just wondering but did everyone still keep taking folic and multivitamin in between treatments? I'm wondering if i come off pregnacare for awhile and start again.  Is taking folic for over a year bad for you?


Longwaiting - no its not weird i'm doing the same on other clinics so do feel to drop me a line re CRGH . Would be great to compare clinics with you.  

Grace


----------



## wobs

hi ladies

Kat     hope you're back on your feet soon and feeling tip top.  take care

Have read back a little but now my little brain can't remember....someone asked about chromsomes for MF?
As well as standard chromosomes for both of us my DH had y-microdeletion tested...no idea what it means!!!

I wish school was distraction therapy - there just is soooo much to do there sadly isn't a choice.  Need other career avenues now!!!!    Love the actual teaching, not the work that goes on all evening/weekend etc... Ho hum....

Well got to go; lots to do before the morning begins!! 

Have a good week all
 to those who need it
Wobs


----------



## LoopyMoo

Morning ladies, look like I'm a BFN veteran after getting our 4th   this morning    We've got one more, not so good looking blasto still in the freezer to try with but otherwise that's sadly it for us.  We're devastated.....


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello LoopyMoo, welcome to our world of one-line test strips.   Sorry for your news, we've all been there and share your pain.
Kat,    sorry you've had to go back into hospital. Thinking of you, and drop in as you feel able, we'll be here when you're up to joining in. If there's anything I can do to help, I will   
Wobs, I know from my 3D friends just what extra hours teachers have to do, and they all echo you, time spent with the children is lovely, it's the rest of the [email protected] that gets to them..
Grace, just finished my blowout, drained the bottle of wine, and had slab of chocolate fudge cake for my brother's birthday, now on the Omega 3 and selenium capsules.
Oh its wednesday..OBEM on later. Can't help watching it, must have a masochistic streak in me


----------



## wobs

Hi LoopyMoo - sorry you are here with us     

Wobs


----------



## LoopyMoo

seemslike4eva and wobs - Thanks for your warm welcome!

We're are still a little numb and wondering what on earth is going wrong each time.  The embryo's are of reasonable quality if not good so we're thinking it must be my body not being receptive.  I think I may have an autoimmune thing going on as I have 4 mole spots that have white halo's around them.  I've looked this up and apparently is quite common but it is my body's immune system attacking the spots.  In time they will disappear completely and my body will probably choose some different spots to attack, and if my body is killing off my own mole spots, it's not difficult to assume that my body would quickly kill off an embryo!  Anyway ladies, how on earth do I go about finding out whether this is the case?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hiya Moo,
your GP can do some basic tests, there's one for anticardiolipin antibodies (which I've got), this makes your blood sticky, so doesn't flow properly to the womb, easily sorted by taking a daily clexane injection. Thyroid function is important too - again a standard GP test. There may be more that your GP will do, depending on how sympathetic he/she is   
There are some very specialised, but very expensive, detailed tests that can be done via Dr Gorgy in London. 
For me, the immunes are beyond our financial reach, I already have a diagnosis of several autoimmune conditions & take long-term steroids, and my regular bloods show that I'm pretty well suppressed. I do take high dose Omega-3 capsules to help combat NK cells, selenium capsules to help the womb lining, and ginger root capsules for blood flow.
It's such a lottery, and as much down to fate as medicine xx


----------



## MandyPandy

Hiya Ladies

Not sure where best to post this really - if anyone has Bethholm's e-mail/phone number could you please let her know her PM inbox is full?

Thanks!

...and hugs and love to all.  I'm still not ready to become a regular poster on here yet.  I'm spending time away from FF trying to come to terms with everything that's happened and where to go from here.  It's a very sad time for me indeed and I need to get that sadness out before I can take any positive steps forward.



xxx


----------



## Nordickat

welcome loopymoo  


MandyPandy -   I hope you come and find us when you are feeling the need to offload. I´m sure you´ve seen already that this is the most nonjudegmental anything goes thread on FF so please come and join us if you need us   . In the meantime, I hope you find some peace on holiday   


 to everyone else.


I´m going home for a night on saturday and I´m so pleased. I´ve missed my pupster sooooooo much.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mandypandy,

Sorry to see from your signature your latest news. 

Kat, expect your little man will be beside himself with excitement to see you too, nothing beats those eyes full of love looking into yours x
Got a launch party tomorrow for a community project, but am cheating with my contribution to the nibbles, having a wee bit of help from M&S. I've gone & got lumbered with   M-Day lunch. Maybe the fact that I'm cooking for zillions will take my mind off it, but will have to dash off & leave the guests to wash up cos of my MRI scan in the afternoon.
Shouldn't be on here, as things to do this evening, so off I trot, lots of love to everyone x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Seemslike4eva - Thanks for the info on immunes    A trip to the GP's is in order then for me, not expecting them to be that supportive (they never have in the past) but it's worth a shot!

I'm still waiting for my bleed after our BFN on the 13th, not sure why I'm so anxious to see it, maybe I just want to be kicked in the teeth some more!!  All of this is so so hard .....


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Loopymoo, is there the slightest chance that the test may have been wrong?   you may have a miracle x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello Lovely Ladies

Sorry I've not been on for a while but I've been busy trying to organise and have tests done off my own back. 

Hello to everyone.. I remember a few of you from a few months ago. 

I've been reading through some of the last few pages and I see there's quite abit going on and I'm not sure where to start........  

LoopyMoo.. I just wanted to say that after my failed cycles I FINALLY got my consultant to perform quite a bit of the level 1's immunes bloods for me free of charge as my GP could only do the full blood count for me. I then asked about NK cell testing and he Boo booed it no end so I found another hospital in Coventry (I live in Birmingham) whom do the Uterine NK cell Biopsy private so I've had that done now and waiting for results. I wanted all my level 2's done but we just couldn't afford it which I know I'll prob regret in time but above my Cons said although he doesn't agree to immunes testing if I was to have any test done this would be one of the most important and that was echoed by my GP so I went for it. Not that this is the answer for everyone but for me it makes me feel I've done something more to try. Good Luck fingers crossed your GP will help you failing that after multiple failed cycles I would push your consultant at your clinic xx

I remember so many of your names from cycle boards and once I've had chance I will come back to you all to say hi individually.

AFM.. I'm just waiting on results and due to go back to cons on 19th April armed with my biopsy results and his balance of blood results.. We discussed at the review apt that he would allow me to take Predis 20mg on next cycle and wouldn't give me Clexane until he had proof I had clotting issues, that said the Professor who carried out biopsy said he would write a letter to my clinic with his findings and suggested drug dosage and he will include cleaxane to that and Humira if I get a postivie preg test (I wish &   ) So we're planned to start our last cycle in mid May 

Take Care all 
HBK xx


----------



## rory2011

Hello ladies

I've had 3 failed IVF cycles and in the process of changing clinics so yet more waiting! Getting more impatient the older i get! 

HBK I just wondered how did you get in touch with Coventry about the uterine biopsy- did they accept a call/letter from yourself or did you have to get dr to write a letter.I hope you get some good news from it.

Are you at Priory? We had a look there at open evening but weren't too impressed. We are off to MFS instead- just waiting for our first appt. I have had my last 3 treatments at Burton. 

I have had no testing yet besides the basics that are done prior to IVF - GP won't do any level 1's until had a list from new clinic and will then "consider" doing them- hope they can save me a bit of money. Are there any others that I should be asking for? We have unexplained but I do have a lowish AMH- it was 8.5 nearly 2 years ago.

Thanks


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Rory2011

I will PM you some information about biopsy, You need to get a referal letter from your GP to the clinic and then you'll have contact from Professor Quenby or her boss Professor Bronsen. 

I had to stamp my feet to get more tests done on the NHS but after some time my consultant agreed to proceed. So I suggest you do just that, MFS will do some of the immunes tests (if I recall correctly) but you do have to pay for them. I went to see MFS at an open evening back in February and when I went through my cycle history & what my cons has suggested this time round they informed me that's exactly what they would advise which made me feel tons better. I know of a few friends whom have been to MFS, Priory & BWH and all of them have babies from them so I'm just hoping that my delayed BFP is due to me and my body not the clinics fault.. If you know what I mean!!  

I'm at Birmingham Women's Hospital as a private patient and I have to say they have been very good with me. After my first cancelled cycle I requested to change from the head of department to the male consultant as I clashed with her.. my consultant I changed to is willing to help me and he listens to what I have to say with regards to further testing so I feel so much more confident this time round. 

My AMH is 6.45 (tested a year ago) & found out just how much the right protocol can make all the difference. 
I shall PM you now with info.
HBK x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Started bleeding heavily yesterday afternoon and was up all night with excruciating pain so it's definitely BFN for me


----------



## Evie-Bean

Hello ladies, I was wondering if i could join you? I have just finished my 3rd unsuccessful IVF cycle and am struggling to understand why this still isn't happening for us. I'm so sad but need to focus on the future otherwise I may sink without a trace!  All the tests that i had prior to IVF came back clear other than I suffer from LUF cycles and my DH sperm is absolutley fine. I have a follow up appt on the 29th so I was wondering if you had any advice as to what questions I should be asking or any further tests I could have? I'm convinced there must be something else as everything seems to go to plan until I have my ET, this cycle is the first time i got to OTD without AF coming days early.  I don't have funding for any more cycles, but want to see how many test etc I can still have before we embark on a private cycle. We may change clinics too, not that I have any probs with my clinic, just figured maybe a new clinic with a different approach wouldn't hurt?

Thanks for listening!!
xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

oh Loopymoo,   
Welcome back HBK, I'm glad you've been able to make some progress with further testing.
Welcome rory, although sorry you're here.
Hello, and welcome Evie, sorry that you're 'one of us', but we're here for you. What does LUF mean? Further testing could take you down the immune response route, to see if your body is 'rejecting' the embryos. Was it a really detailed analysis of hubby's sperm? Not an expert on this bit, but I know from ladies on other threads that even when their hubbys have a normal count the sperm are 'fragmented' and this has been a possible cause of failure. Have you had your blood progesterone levels checked? Some ladies need extra progesterone in the form of injections as well as the pessaries. I'm sure some of the other ladies here will have more thoughts.
Kat, hope you're enjoying your night back home.
Rosa, sending you   as you remember your mum; it does get easier.
Beth, how are you doing? here's a   for you.
Grace, Wobs, LTW, Coweyes, MandyPandy, Moog   
Hope tomorrow passes us by without too many tears shed xx


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone    Thinking about everyone on this difficult day.        

Welcome to all the new ladies on here. Sorry that you find yourselves on this thread, but it is wonderfully supportive.

Kat -  so sorry to hear that you are back in hospital. Sending you big big hugs.       

If anyone needs any advice re immunes and testing, please PM me as I have been doing immune treatments for nearly 2 years. I too took humira ( 4 lots of shots over 2 cycles)  due to my high TNF alphas but after speaking to another consultant (Penny @ Serum) who in turn took advice from over 10 other immune and fertility consultants, I decided it was too unsafe to take it, despite Mr G recommending it. Peny said that there was no research into what side effects it could have (eg cancer etc.) in the future so I have decided to lower my TNFas through my diet (gluten free), supplements, tomato juice, pomegranate juice and prednisolene. I also have other treatments too (LIT and intralipids) so if anyone needs any advice, I can't promise to know lots, but please PM me and I will try my best.

Wobs- hope that you are managing to crawl towards Easter! It's been assessment week this week which is always stressful (for the teacher    - 'I taught you that only yesterday, why can't you remember for heaven's sake?!!!!!) and I have the joys of governors and 2 lots of parents' evenings before the end of term. I am absolutely exhausted too!

AFM, apologies for MIA but work seems to have taken over and I feel that the whole organising an IVF cycle thing is a full time job too! This week I have had to purchase all my meds which has been an utter nightmare as funds are so tight, I am having to shop around. This causes a  huge problem as all companies/pharmacies demand the original prescription and I have only one. One company (Rigcharm) apologised when they told me that despite being the cheapest for puregon, their courier wanted to charge £260 for next day fridge packed delivery. No ladies, that isn't a typo! For that amount, I would expect Brad Pitt to deliver it naked and guarantee me having a baby. I had to fit all the frantic phone calls around lunch and after school, which also made it extra stressful. To top it all, I had to finish the pill on Thursday so that I can cycle at Easter as Peny was convinced AF would come next Weds and this would fit in with the dates perfectly. I told her that in the past on microgynon, it only took a few days for AF to show and not 5-6 days as she said, but she wouldn't accept it. Anyway, low and behold, AF turned up today 3 days early than Peny has planned and bang on my prediction. Our flights are already booked for the 2nd April and cannot be changed so I am waiting to hear what her cunning plan is... My baseline scan is on Tuesday too. I hate all of this.

DH is also being particularly annoying at the moment, going around moaning that he can't wait for IVF to finish. Seeing that he is unable to financial support me in funding IVF, apart from around 5% of it and the fact that he doesn't have the injections (now over 400 in total) operations (3) and cycles (6) , had 2 miscarriages and only has to have a w**k as his contribution, I am surprised he is moaning at all and actually realises we cycle at all. If it wasn't for me, he would just turn up at the clinic and expect all the drugs, travel arrangements etc to have been magically planned and organised, as if by the pixies. Next life I am coming back as a man. Moan over ladies.

Back to school work and cooking... Love to all.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth, so glad to see you   . Re Humira... I've always wondered about its role in fertility cos I go to a rheumatology clinic regularly, and there is a big notice telling ladies on that NOT to attempt pregnancy. Hope Peny has a rescue plan for you, I'm at the mercy of AF too. Consultant at Sanus, Czech didn't want me to take anything to delay her appearance, so not able to book flights, but likely to be the week after you.
My poor DH has had a hideously horrible last night/this morning, catching the full brunt of my misery. Managed to get it out of my system before the tribe arrived for lunch, and my godchildren bounced in smiling with cards and presents for me. Had to leave them with the washing up while I went off to have a (routine) MRI of my knees. SIL drove me there, took a back route, past the cemetery where my daughter's ashes are, took a deep breath & managed to control myself at that point.
Only 4 more hours til it's Monday and we can be 'normal' again, instead of the freak show for another 364 days....
xxxxx


----------



## Susieque44

Hi Ladies

Wondering if l can join you all **** xx Im hoping to start my 7th cycle this year once I've managed to find the magic money tree (here's hoping!!) I think I've pretty much tried everything going and have decided to look into anything else that could possibly help. I have a thyroid problem which is now under control and have completed all the immune tests and had the soya drips though out my last cycle. I managed to get hold of Dr Dagan Wells @ Oxford a couple of weeks ago how informed me of his new tests to see if the egg would ever be a successful egg - has anyone else looked into the testing ?? I've been told that my only problem now is egg quality, I've started melotonin in the hope that this may also help  I'm pretty clueless despite this being my 7th attempt l think the emotion wipes me out .... !!

Finally does anyone know if it is better to have your tubes removed if you have no chance of a natural pregnancy, I've read that this may help.

Good luck to everyone xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi Leeanne,
Welcome to our safe haven.
I'm sorry I don't know the answers to your questions, but I sure someone who does will drop in soon - but it's given me something to look up : ).
Hope it's a good week everyone xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi to the regulars and welcome to the new ladies - lots of love to those suffering with recent BFNs   your world is falling apart and no one 'normal' understands - we understand and we know how devastatingly heartbreaking it is  

Quick query from me - I had a stressful morning collecting a sample for the Greek chlamydia etc test today! Not very successful but got a few drops - does anyone know if I can add to it tomorrow am? Think I might have better luck with a second try! Want to make sure it's enough!

Will be back soon for a proper catch up x x x


----------



## bethholm

LTW-think a few drops is all you need.I certainly only got a few drops and it was ok.

Off for my baseline scan.Sh****g a brick as hate scans so much!

B x


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies   just coming on to say hi!
Sorry no time to post.
Can't wait til hols!!!  1 week to go
Hi to new ladies; sorry you are here with us.
More in hols

(Kat - hope you had a lovely time at home   )

Wobs


----------



## bethholm

Only 4 follies at my baseline scan up in Bristol so I'm now waiting to hear off Peny.The consultant mentioned donor eggs after he'd asked the usual question of how old I was.These days it's the norm to hear this, but it doesn't make it any better.He also said that even if I did manage to get pregnant,I would have a 70% miscarriage rate. Feel so bl**dy old and exhausted oh and now £150 more in debt.


----------



## bethholm

After lots of thinking and a long yet wonderful conversation with Peny, we have decided to go with DDIVF and not use my own eggs. This was going to be our last cycle with my own eggs anyway before moving onto DDIVF so the decision wasn't really a difficult one.After 6 IVF cycles, a poor responder, complex immunes, countless immune treatments and procedures, 1 chemical pregnancy and 2 MMC resulting in 2 ERPCs in 6 months (despite a strong heartbeat on one of them) all in 2.5 years, I mentally cannot go into another cycle with the possiblilty not only of running the risk of maybe having only 3 follies but as Peny said, maybe canceling a cycle. The latter would mentally finish me. We asked Peny her honest opinion and out of all the fertility people we have met in the past 3 and a bit years, we trust her the most and value her opinion and she agreed straight away saying she understood and completely agreed. That's good enough for us. A new journey thus begins...


----------



## Nordickat

Beth - that sounds like a big leap in the right direction to me   . I´m glad you have found Peny   


Hi to the newbies and sorry you need to join us here   


Wobs - its all a bit stressful being home and I´m in a permenant state of anxiousness. I was desperate to go back again last night but DH had had a drink so couldn´t take me, and also I´d have felt awful telling him I needed to go back. Now I´m telling myself that if I got through last night I can get through tonight. Just 5 more days at work, you can cope with that   


LTW - probably too late but they need just a drop anyway.


Leanne - sorry, no idea about tube removal but it sounds a bit wacky to me. Melatonin has shown good results in the limited studies so fingers crossed   


Again, I´m so sorry for not posting much. I am reading but I´m having a pretty tough time this time round and I find myself draining so posting on here and draining you guys too seems very unfair. I think I´m started to make progress though with some things. It makes it easier to be in a place where you don´t haev to fake happiness and where you know that everyone else hurts too in one way or another. Its very lonely in the real world, but in hospital I feel so much more normal and even part of the group there. I did go to the cafe today by myself and order without any sort of panic and compared to last weekends little trip out to the chemists, thats a huge step forwards   


Thinking of you all, 
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

good evening,
went out for lunch to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary, still feeling totally stuffed.
Beth, you're on the same journey as us now,    our dreams come true on our new cycles.
Kat, lovely as always to see you. Good that you feel you're making progress, I have people in my life who suffer from moderate to severe mental health problems, I appreciate how traumatic and difficult it can be to climb back up from a relapse   
LTW, hope you got your sample off OK   
Wobs, 5 more sleeps til you break up for Easter?  


AFM,    needs to show up on friday or shortly after, then sod off for a VERY LONG TIME!
 to all our friends old and new, don't be shy, drop in and let us know how you're doing xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone 

Well I added to my sample and posted it to Serum yesterday so fingers crossed it arrives ok and we get news soon – anyone know how long it takes to get results? Also how do we pay? Assuming credit card over the phone will be ok.

SL4E – fingers crossed for you  

Kat – so sorry to hear you’re so unwell. Keep looking after yourself and making progress. You don’t drain us – we love to hear from you  

Beth – sounds like a big decision and the right one for you. Wish all doctors were like Penny x 

MandyPandy – so sad to see your news, thinking of you  

Hi to the new ladies – Leeanne190, Evie-Bean, LoopyMoo, Rory2011. Sorry you find yourselves here but welcome  

Hi everyone else – Wobs, Hbkmorris, Coweyes, Grace72, Pinkpixie and anyone else still reading. Hope you’re all doing ok


----------



## bethholm

Kat- I echo LTW- you don't drain us at all sweetheart.You are an integral part of our family.

B x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Hi ladies, I'm struggling at the moment, beating myself up for not asking more questions or pushing for more tests!  Also finding it difficult to cope with the amount of pregnant ladies around me, 5 of DH's nieces are due between now and August plus 2 ladies at work, talk about rubbing salt into a very large wound.  Everytime I see one of them, which is most days due to the ladies at work, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart repeatedly.....    

Sorry ladies for the "me" post, having one of those bad few days and if I don't say how I feel, I'm going to explode!!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello, hope you don't mind me re-joining you.

LoopyMoo.. I know how your feeling, there was two ladies at work whom I work very closely with that were pregs and they have both just them and they keep popping in with their bundles which is lovely but also very heartbreaking. I brought the one lady who had a little girl a beautiful outfit from M&S last week and when I gave it to her I just burst into tears infront of everyone which was rather embarrassing   . Somewhere up there god needs to give ALL of us BFN Veterans a break & start making all our wishes come true x

bethholm.. Hi Beth, you've always been such a huge support to me over the months/years.. I hope your ok and that the sun is helping you along your way and that this time is a healthy & good one. I think you've come to the perfect plan re DDIVF.. wonderful news x

longtimewaiting.. Hi to you, your post about collecting your sample made me chuckle it's certainly not the easiest thing to collect is it?! My friend had hers back 10 or 12 after posting it so not long really and she paid my bank transfer which I guess i'd rather do as it's safer than handing over your credit card details.. I'm sure they don't but they could slip into the hands of someone who'd like to make purchases on your behalf.. It's been done to me! Good Luck.. hopes it's not to long for you x

seemslike4eva.. Happy belated 12th Anni, sounds like is was a super luncheon date even more special with the sunshine beaming down. Roll on your AF arriving & I like the sodding off bit    x

Nordickat.. God Bless you.. I feel for you so much.. Keep your chin up, my thoughts are with you x

wobs.. Have a super holiday, enjoy & relax

Hi to everyone else.. Sorry it's a short message and i'm sorry I drift in & out but I just need to keep my head clear!! I've had uNK biopsy results in and it's 1.5% NORMAL when the upper normal is 5%. After speaking with professor Quenby she has advised that the cavity (my bits) were in perfect order, clean & healthy tissue and that all my levels were right for the time of the month. Biopsy came back as "Perfect" with a level of 1.5% her only thought was that WHEN I do get pg I should take clexane or humira as this helps with clotting but it also has proven history to aid healthy placenta growth. So i'm back on the DP sperm testing and see what my clinic consultant can pull out the bag to make a difference!

I've also thought long and hard about Dr Gorgy and after looking at our bank balance we really just can't afford it just yet. It seems that this time next year we MAY beable to release some money but for the time being it's a no no.  

My question to you lovely ladies is my cons was going to give me 20MG of predis anyhow without testing but quenby said there would be no point as my tests have come back ok. Do I not tell my cons and carry on taking them (he was giving me them without any testing) or do I tell my cons and see what he says...I guess he'll say no you don't need them.  

Who knows what to do for the best x


----------



## bethholm

LoopyMoo- we all feel your pain and what you are going through is normal. Whenever I hear a baby cry I catch my breath and when I see one, my heart stops beating for a nano second. I still can't face seeing DH's 17 year old daughter's DD, born after a one night stand Christmas sh*g. It's been around 7 months now since the birth and it still feels as raw as the day I was told she was pregnant.  

HBK- always there for you sweetheart   . I saw Mr G for a few years and was very unhappy with him (as were a few other ladies) so PM me if you want anymore information as it would be unfair to post it on here, plus I would get my wrists slapped too (as I have had done in the past!)! I too hard humira for my high TNF alphas but after 4 shots I was very worried about putting a drug into me that so little was known about the side effects in the future. Peny spoke to over 10 immune consultants and not one of them would use it. Mr G does tend to treat immunes aggressively and some ladies need this, however I decided to cycle with Peny as she treats immunes and is so much cheaper too! There is an immune specialist that one of the ladies on the Serum thread the past few days has mentioned as to being good and is a fraction of the price too and is also out in Athens. Re prednisolene, I would probably take it as I was naughty and upped my levels around implantation (although I am aware that you are not supposed to self medicated as we are not medically trained - I will probably get my wrist slapped for this too!)

B x


----------



## pinkpixie

Hi ladies
I just wanted you all to know that i am still reading and thinking about you all but realise that it is not appropiate for me to post.  Hope you dont mind me following you all still.
xx
h


----------



## LoopyMoo

Still struggling   but it's good to know that I'm not alone, you ladies know exactly how I'm feeling!

Pinkpixie - Just read your signature, you have given me back a glimmer of hope - thankyou   

I've been very busy at work the last couple of weeks but have a couple of days off tomorrow.  We have a f/u appt at our clinic on 2nd April but I'm going to make an appt with my GP to ask her if she will do some immunes tests for me.  Does anyone know exactly what I should ask for.  Also, clotting as my acupuncture lady thinks this may be an issue?


----------



## Hbkmorris

Loop I've got a list of level 1's & 2's which I'll pm you with tomorrow morning or pm me and I'll bounce it back tomorrow x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Thank you


----------



## KFC bon

Hi ladies,

Hope you don't mind me dropping by, we've just had had our third round of tx in Cyprus and had a BFN so this is out fifth BFN and this was the hardest by far.  I found the 2ww the hardest by far with lots of what you could call symptoms but were just medication side effects and we were just hoping beyond hope that it would be a positive but no another negative and there are no reasons to why it shouldn't have worked.  I've been a complete wreck this past week, crying all the time and it's just sheer hell with everyone around me being pregnant, help!! X


----------



## 19kaz76

Hi ladies, can I join this thread please. We've just been through our 3rd treatment and got another bfn. I don't really think its sunk in yet that it hasn't worked to be honest. We had one fresh cycle in May last year, 23 eggs collected, 22 injected and 14 fertilised. Most made it to blast and we had one 'perfect' embryo put back. Since then we've had 2 FETs with 2 embryos put back each time. Both times the embryos have thawed perfectly and continued to expand straight away but still no luck. This last cycle I had steroids, clexane, prontogest, intrallipids but still my body just doesn't seem to want to accept my embryos. We have one frostie left but are unsure what to do. My DH still thinks it could happen naturally and we're going to have a break from tx for a while but I cannot give up on our last frozen chilly bean! My cycles have always been regular as clockwork so I'm wondering whether a natural FET would be worth a try, then at least we could say we tried something different each cycle. Its just so difficult to know what to do and when to just let go! Sorry for long post

Karen x


----------



## KFC bon

Hi Karen,

As you will see I'm new to this thread as well.  I totally understand how you're feeling, we've just had our fifth failed cycle, only got the bfn last Tuesday, am still feeling from it and feeling very unsure and unhappy about the whole thing.  Going through everything's why it didn't work, what could I have done differently.  We had four perfect embryos put back, at 8 cells by day 3 and we had a day 5 blasto transfer with no complications, triple layer endomitrium with prednisolon, Clexane, gestrinone, Progynova and Cyclogest.  It's so very very hard when it seems to fail for no apparent reason.  I really don't know what to suggest.  Have you had all the immune tests and a hysteroscopy? Its such a hard process to I through and made harder when people don't understand.  Sorry for the warbling xx


----------



## yola

hi ya

me to 3 x failed cycles ...... this time  steroids ab,s valtex prontogest , clexane intraplipids  and cyclogest  phew think that all ... really thought it would wk this time  2x top grade 8 cell and 6 cell embryos ....... i have no idea what to do next  ..............  its so hard starting to feel very desperate


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome Yola, Caz and KFC,   .
KFC, we had our first DD tx in Cyprus, had 4 embies put back, told 80% chance of success etc, and then BFN, which I still remember being shocked about.

Pinkpixie, nice to see you, and see from your signature that it's going well, yay!
HBK, you know you can pop in and out anytime, this is one club that's open 24/7, company's great & the drinks are cheap    I'm on long-term pred, been on it for 8 years, so I don't think it would do you any harm.
Loopymoo, those feelings hit all of us from time to time   I hope your GP is kind enough to run the immune tests for you.
Yola, sorry you've had another failure, even though you'd gone through all the extra support treatments   
If my health & temper is anything to go by, I think AF may turn up on time this weekend... Have been approached by a friend of DH, to ask if we'd be willing to be considered as long-term carers for his 4yo daughter, currently in foster care but unlikely to be returned to either parent. SW wants to come for an informal chat on friday. 'It's a lot to take on board...
It's only tuesday, & I'm shattered already!


----------



## bethholm

What do you need just before cycling and struggling to raise the cash? A depressed cat looking at the wall for nearly and hour after tonight's impromptu visit to the vets and a depressed looking owner £270 poorer because their cat has decided to have (another) fight with barbed wire.









B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Beth, we're the same...£75 today for boosters & wormers for westie & cat, £50 on saturday cos loopy lab ripped her dew claw, That could have been steeper, we just got in before they closed, otherwise it would have been the emergency clinic, £100 just to cross the threshold.
  arrived bang on time this morning, can't believe she's being so co-operative   . Start estrofem tomorrow. Would book flights, but DH mislaid the credit card, and I'm waiting for the replacement to arrive. Can't quite believe it, and can't get the thought of another neg out of my mind. I probably won't test until it's obvious one way or the other!


----------



## longtimewaiting

Ahhhhhh – it’s my pregnant work colleague’s last few days at work and we are spending all our time together, it’s been her last meeting with the Head, her last staff meeting, her last meeting with the creative consultants – lots of goodbyes, good wishes, ‘next time we meet you’ll be a mummy’ comments. Completely understand how others are feeling surrounded by pregnant ladies  

Welcome to even more new ladies – so very sorry you’ve found your way here. 

Serum have confirmed receipt of my sample! Got to sort out payment with Paypal now. 

Jesus Christ – another pregnancy announcement (DH has just come off the phone). I am now in tears, I’m so fed up with my situation and myself for being an idiot about it!  

Anyway time to swiftly move on – lovely to hear from you Pinkpixe, pop in anytime.

Best of luck SL4E – just gotta move forward and do it without thinking too much.

Hi Beth – what does moving on to DDIVF mean for you with timings? Hope the cat's ok!

Love to HBKmorris and everyone else x


----------



## longtimewaiting

I know I just said time to move on but actually I’m almost fit to burst with anger and resentment – I just want to cry and cry and cry and shout and scream. Life is too unjust for words. It’s been almost 7 years of ttc and I am so damn fed up.

And I’m annoyed with myself for getting hysterical and ending up with red puffy eyes that will still look a bit odd tomorrow! And DH thinks I’m a mad woman! I’m trying to convince him another cycle will be ok, that I can handle it whatever happens. Not so sure I’m convincing myself let alone him.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Hope you don't mind me re-joining....
I was posting a few weeks ago, but you are such a quick moving thread...
Longtime waiting - i feel your pain, i spend my days smiling and congratulating pregnant colleagues, most of whom i manage so it made it doubly hard when one of the new pg girls told me last week how sorry they all are for me....ahhhh.... i don't need sympathy from people who don't have a clue what this is about.....sorry.....calm now....
hi to all, will get on track with where you all are....
Lil' one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Welcome back lil one. Sympathy from people who don't have a clue, great! Another thing I hate - all this IF makes other people treat me like a fragile nutter! I know I am but I don't want to be treated like one! The wine went down very well tonight, another thing to regret in the morning. Off to bed now. 

Love to all xxx


----------



## LoopyMoo

*longtimewaiting*, I'm completely there with the pregnant colleagues and family members, I now have 8 due to be born between now and October, arghhhh..... The one line that annoys me the most is "stop trying and it'll happen babe!!!!!" Sometimes, I think I'm just going to spontaneously combust with the utter despair, I'm calm on the outside but have this internal rage inside.....


----------



## bethholm

It's when they say..' And it's ANOTHER boy. We wanted a girl.' That's when I have to sit on my hands...


B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I've just had 2 pregnancy announcements in my circle too, one I don't mind cos they had a m/c of a wanted baby in dec, the other is someone's son who has a string of kids by different women. I live a 'double life'..... on here, and about 3 people in real life outside family know the truth, otherwise it's 'We never wanted kids' to avoid the fragile nutter treatment. I went through that after my daughter died, people avoiding me, awkward silences etc, so I chose the 2-faced cow option this time. Not really sure it's any better, or easier as I constantly have to think before I speak.
Well, popping the pills and flights booked for 10th, back on the rollercoaster xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Its the most heart wrenching of all when everyone talks about their scans and if it's a boy or girl, symptoms etc.. Makes me feel sick..

I've got two friends from work who have both had babies and a friend of mine her brother has just found out his girlfriends pregs they've only been together for 3 months and she's 26   

SL4E.. Your post has just made me cry.. To lose a child must be the worse heartbreak ever and I take my hat off to you for going back on the rollercoaster... God Bless you xxx

Hi to everyone else.. I can't chat as I'm at work but will be on over the weekend x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you for your kind understanding ladies x 

I've calmed down for the moment, had a lovely day out in the sun with DH and off to Portugal tomorrow, exciting!

Will be back in couple of weeks. Take care everyone xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Well, I hope no-one's been caught out by an april fool today!
LTW, hope you're enjoying some lovely portuguese sunshine.
Beth, safe journey hun, and all the very best for this cycle. Hope cat is feeling better too.    that by the end of the month we'll both be celebrating.
Kat, hope you've had some good days this week   
HBK, thank you, time is a great healer but I really don't know how I'd cope if it happened again, that said I actually need to get pg in the first place   , it happened WITH contraception back then, life's so bizarre at times.
 everyone, keep those fake smiles in place, it's got to be our turn someday soon xx


----------



## Moog

Hi Everyone

Just wanted to say hello and sorry that i have not posted in such a long time. DP and I have been engrossed in our first e-tegrity test. 
http://www.etegritytest.com/
I had to take 4 weeks worth of progynova and a weeks worth of progesterone injections in my derrierre. I then had the womb biopsy and the sample was sent to the States. We had our follow up appointment yesterday and the results were interesting. It seems that my womb is 'out of phase' by 4 days and that may account for lack of implantation in the past. In short, the transfers have been done 4-5 days too early and my body wasn't producing the B 3 integrin to enable the embryos to stick. I now have to go through a second mock cycle and another biopsy to pin down when the correct timing should be for transfer and also to see if my body does in fact produce B 3 integrin. (hopefully it does and it will mean just adjusting my next real DEIVF protocol, if it doesn't, well thats another story)
I hope you are all doing well, and i shall post more tomorrow. Sorry this is a bit of a 'me' post

Moog xxxx

/links


----------



## katie76

Hi all

Not posted on this board before..................waiting for follow up in implantation failure clinic, HSG and hysteroscopy normal last month, not sure about blood tests till next Wed and don't know if more frightened if they have or haven't found a reason for the failures.

All the "don't worry it'll happen one day" and "if you just relax" and "I know a friend who tried for 100 years and only ate apples had triplets" etc comments are driving me CRAZY!!!! (Sorry about that)

Sometimes wish the decision was taken away from us.......................


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome katie76, sorry to see what's been happening for you. Hope that if tests do show anything, that it will be something treatable.
Moog, nice to see your update - that's really interesting about the etegrity result, maybe this is the 'missing piece' of your 'jigsaw'.
Hope everyone else is doing OK,    to those of our special family who need them x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Welcome - Katie, hope you get some answers at your follow up, although there are always so many unanswered ones....  . I find those remarks infuriating...people just say things to make themselves feel less awkward, human nature unfortunately...it's only those ladies who have been through it can understand and know that sometimes there is nothing to be said...just listen   
Moog - your post was really interesting, something i have not heard of, i    this info will be what you need   
Longtimewaiting - have a much needed break   
Seemslikeforever - good that you have started active treatment, sending    
AFM - bit down as work is now also very uncertain, trying not to worry about that too, also waiting for AF to arrive before our next cycle, i expect it on Friday, hopefully a bit sooner   
Hi to everyone else
Lil' one


----------



## katie76

Thanks for the welcome!    

I've never heard of that Moog, will have a look into it.  Lil one it always happens that when you want AF (to start treatment) it's bloody late! 

It's really snowy here in Sheffield, luckily my day off so not had to trek to work - hope everyone else ok in this bizarre change in weather xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I'm flippin freezin here in not-so-sunny Brum. Looked at long-term forecast for Czech next week, temps going to be similar to here, but hopefully without the snow. Took the precaution of nipping into town to buy a new jumper for next week.
Dr from the clinic emailed today to tell me that I'll be taken straight from the airport to the clinic....note to self, pack baby wipes   , as will have been at least 12 hours without a shower! We have to check in at 5am, fly at 7.30, arrive 10.30 local time.
lil one,   AF turns up on time for you, I was amazed when she obliged me this month, hopefully she's still in a good mood & will visit you soon   
That's the biggest hitch of this lark, cos you can't rely on   , then it's panic stations to get everything done before you leave, not helped by the double bank holiday in my case.


----------



## katie76

Crikey that is a long early start - have you been to the clinic before? Sounds scary but exciting that things are being done and moving forward. 

Keep warm - I'm snuggling up with my boy (5month old collie x terrier) lovely! X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Katie, yes, I went there 2 years ago, just hadn't managed to go back until now. It's not a very well known clinic, but the staff are fantastic, and they do have a good success rate.
My 2 mutts have decided to lie on the other sofa, leaving me to shiver


----------



## EmmaPeat79

Hi Ladies 

Just Bookmarking.....new to this thread.

Me 32 DH 40 Male factor

Yesterday got our 5th BFN all ICSI.

Don't know where to go from here. We always have excellent embryos transferred but no implantation yet no further tests or explanations have been offered. We have our follow up in a few weeks can anyone advise what we should be asking for or does anyone have any ideas that may help...........I'm getting desperate!!

Thanks so much


----------



## katie76

Hi Emma and welcome - I only came on here a few days ago. We were similar in that we had 4 good blastocysts on board one on each transfer and nothing stuck around long enough. I wasn't sure what to expect from the clinic but they offered an implantation failure follow up clinic appointment. 

Not sure what you've already been tested for but they looked at immune blood (sticky) thyroid androgen and chromosomal problems plus another hsg and hysteroscopy. Our follow up for results is next wed.

It is a horrible place to be. This limbo of failed cycles and asking yourself why why??  And can you go through it all again. Big     hope this helps. FF have been fantastic support and I don't feel alone anymore - glad but sad you joined us here!! 

Katie x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Emma,
You're most welcome here, even though it's a place no-one wants to end up.
On the immunes board, I think there's a file compiled by Agate which details all the various tests that can be done for immune issues. Some are available via NHS, others are private, and may be very expensive. Our resident 'expert' on immunes is in Athens at the moment, HBK has also explored this route - I'm sure they'll be pleased to help when they drop by. 
Moog, posted above, about her e-tegrity test which sounds very interesting.
I think it's worth making sure that neither you nor DH has a chromasone problem, and as yours is a MF problem, a really detailed semen analysis to check for fragmentation.
Lil One, hope AF has turned up!
LTW, hope there's lots of lovely sunshine and vino in portugal.
Beth,   
Kat  , miss you chick, let us know how you're doing
Wobs, school hols, enjoy!
HBK, Looymoo, Katie, Moog, Coweyes, Rosa, Pinkpixie, Yola, KFCbon, and everyone else  have a wonderfully chocolatey weekend x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Emma

Hello everyone else. Welcome to newbies. Sorry I'm in and out but I've so much going on it's pushing me over the edge! 

Anyhow Emma, after my 3rd BFN I decided to check out what else I could have tested the obvious choice was immunes so my clinic have tested my level 1's on the NHS (which is great as we've paid for all our cycles) & i'm hoping the results shall be in by our next apt 19th April but due to lack of pennies we just couldn't afford the level 2's so I found a professor called Quenby in Coventry CRM clinic who is running a mc/implantation clinic and opted to try her testing for £260 which is a Uterine NK cell biopsy, the results came back as normal at 1.5% with the upper normal being 5% anyhow that the same time of the biopsy they check out all your cells and if your uterous is holding all the correct level of progesterone (& other stuff but I can't recall the names of them) anyhow that to all came back clear so now I have alot more confidence that there's nothing REALLY wrong down there!! That said my consultant has said that a small dose of 10mg Prednisolone & Clexane wouldn't hurt me so I shall take them with my nest cycle along with Prontogest as I always bleed before my OTD on a fresh cycle. 

So in answer to your question I would ask about what there clinic tests and provides as I understand implantation failure is treated very simular to mc clinics as it's a form of failure. I'd also ask about level 1 immunes testing, additional drug intake & furthermore a auqascan as this takes a look at your uterous in more detail. 

As all the above has come back clear for me I'm going to ask them to test my DP's sperm more but I guess they shall continue to tell me just like Professor Quenby that is really is a number game!! Not useful! 

Right I must go as i'm in the middle of cleaning the bathroom.. I hate bathroom cleaning   

Love to everyone Happy Easter Friday and hope you all have a good one with a few cheeky easter eggs xx


----------



## Shellebell

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=261901.0

The links to the immunes, follow up, comp therapies are on this link


----------



## pinkpixie

anyone who wants to pm me about immunes feel free as this was our first cycle with immunes so have some experience of them.


hi to everyone
xx
h


----------



## LexySmoker

Hi ladies,
I'm kinda new to this cite, but not new to multiple BFN 

I'm currently on the 2ww with my 7th emby, BT on Tuesday. We tried out 2g of Inositol ( for egg equality) and Prednisolone with this cycle.

I'm not feeling very confident as I was told I had boarder line OHSS on day of transfer and If a pregnancy occurred then I should get quite sick 4-5 days after transfer,  I'm 7DP5DT and feeling fine, apart from the normal side effects from the passeries, so I'm taking that as a sign that nothing has happened  
I have 3x embys on ice, one is not the best. I plan to have 2 more FET over the next 3 months and if we have no luck, then Its time to move over to DE. I'm meeting up with my cousin on Monday to ask her if she will donate, she will need to have a BT to find out if she id a CF carrier like me, pretty sure she will say no but I have to give it a go. Anyway thats me for now, Good luck everyone xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Lexy, gosh you've had a tough journey so far. I'm sure everyone here will keep their fingers crossed for good news on tuesday, but whatever the result may be, we're here for you x


----------



## LexySmoker

Thanks seemslike4ever,
I think I mite HPT on Tues morning, just to put myself out of my misery before the phone call, they always take sooooooooo long to call and its an unhealthy amount of stress to go through. Good luck everyone any updates 
xxxx


----------



## Nordickat

Welcome emma, lexy and katie  

Beth   and   


SL4E - I´ve been discharged now and I´m safely home. I´m not really up to talking tx at the moment so I´ll be a bit elusive I think for a while. I´m always around for none tx chat though   

A special   to all the oldies on here. I was thinking about you all earlier   

Love to everyone and I hope you have gorged yourselves silly on chocolate. Unfortunately I have been really sick, and I mean really, so no chance of me eating chocolate of even drinking any vino tonight    .

Love Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Kat, so glad you've made it home. Sickness bugs are the worst tho.. hate them! have cleaned up lots of dog sick today, darling labrador had got in the kitchen bin, scoffed Hub's discarded chips, then climbed up and snatched a slab of chocolate off the mantelpiece, discovered evidence when I got up this morning. Been watching her closely all day, no further signs of being unwell or tummy pain thankfully.
I'm going AWOL for a bit, as off on tuesday for a week, and hubby is keeping the laptop,   , so unless i find an internet cafe that isn't full of dodgy looking men, I won't be able to see what's going on. It'll kill me, I'm so nosey   .
That said, maybe, just maybe there'll be 2 lots of good news from Lexy and Beth.
I've ventured into foreign territory this weekend, had to accompany my niece to a kids birthday party, and she has also entered an easter bonnet contest at the venue where the party was held, so I'm now part of the uber-competitive realm of the easter bonnet, although its not difficult to pass my handiwork off as my niece's    Every entrant receives an easter egg....will have to sit on my hands to stop myself screaming 'it should be mine!!'
  xxxx


----------



## LexySmoker

HPT results BFN
I'm glad I did it, now I don't have to torture myself tomorrow.
Can't believe I had 2x EC, 4 months of waiting, thousands of $$$ and missed out on so much school for nothing, I must have rocks in my head to keep doing this to myself. I'm 27, this was my 7th emby and nothing again, that just doesn't seem normal.
Good luck everyone xxx


----------



## coweyes

Lexy

I am so so sorry. Xxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Lexy- sending you big hugs too. It doesn't get any easier, but if anything helps, you are amongst ladies who do understand.          

Bx


----------



## Nordickat

So sorry lexy    None of can say anything to make you feel better but please know you are not alone in your heartache and we all know how you feel right now.
Katxxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Lexy I'm so so sorry to read your news.. My heart goes out to you and we are all here to help and support you.. Thinking of you xx


----------



## katie76

So so sorry Lexy - I feel for you with all my heart xx 

Good luck seemslike4eva make sure you've got your jumpers - safe journey, will be thinking positive sticky thoughts for you xx


----------



## LexySmoker

Thanks for the kind words ladies 
Had a meeting with my cousin yesterday, to ask if she will be our donor, it went really well   I explained our situation and she said YES straight out and we both had a little cry she said she had a feeling that I would ask her and spoke to her partner about it and he doesn't mind so she is happy to help. I explained as much as a could about the process and I could see her poor brain was spinning crazy1 so Ill send her as much info as I can just so she can understand a little better, she thought that they would just take One egg out of her and didn't know it would a lot more !!
So now we find out if she is a CF carrier like me, she will have a BT this week and I will take the results to my doc on the 26th when we have our follow up appointment. I well be transferring my remaining frozen embies over the next 3 months so it will be great to get this donor process started as a back up.
If any one knows of any extra info I could send her please let me know xxxx


----------



## Shellebell

Have you looked on our donor board hun 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=64.0
There is also the donor conception network website too www.donor-conception-network.org

/links


----------



## wobs

Hello ladies
Sorry for being awol.  Thanks for all your holiday wishes for me.  Been off line for a bit but back online now so might not be awol quite so much - though probably I suspect it has done me a little bit of good not being on here as much - if you know what i mean!!! I tend to get a bit obsessive and treatment focussed, so a break not thinking about it does me good I think from time to time.

Anyway first of all - hello to all the old-timers.
Kat - glad you're home.  Well done you.  Sending you     for a super dooooper speedy recovery. I'm with you on the non-treatment chat   
Pink pixie - pleased to see your profile

Sorry to all the new ladies who have joined while I've been awol.  I hope you are all coping ok.
Lexy - sorry for your BFN, but pleased you have a plan - always helps I think.

Emma - has DH seen a urologist?  Have you both had chromosome tested, has DH has y-microdeletion plus CF tested? Plus as others say would recommend immunes - am a sceptic but it appears I do have an issue which could be causing our problems.  I think after 5 fails you need to look into these sort of tests before spending any more money.  At least you can rule things out and know it's ok to carry on doing what you are doing if that makes sense.

L:TW - sorry you've had a rough time.  Hope Portugal is/was great!


Right off to make some tea! 
take care everyone one
And if this doesn't sound too trite it struck a chord with me
"If it's not alright today it will be alright in the end"
We'll get there somehow.
Wobs


----------



## Nordickat

wobs - and´it will be alright in the end, and if its not alright, then its not the end´


----------



## Hbkmorris

Arrrgh I like that bit xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies  

Nordickatt - hope you are feeling a bit better  


Nordickatt and wobs - i love those words  

Lexy -what a wonderful cousin, take the support you need right now  

Afm I have my first progress scan tomorrow on sp, day 6. Had a little staining today so that wasn't the nicest thing to find, but hoping it's just tail end of af at this stage. 

Hi to everyone else,

Lil one


----------



## LoopyMoo

Lexy - Your cousin sounds like a special lady   

Hello to everyone else... Hope you're all ok.

The first of the 7 pregnant ladies around me had her baby boy on Sunday.... as you can imagine, mixed emotions for me.  I need to man up a bit as there are the other 6 to get through over the next few mths, the next is due in 3 wks... it never rains it pours and all that!!!

My best friend offered to be our surrogate using our last frostie and although I was up for discussing it, DH is adamant that it is not something we should do and is now refusing to discuss anything to do with babies, IVF, etc.  Bless him, I really think he has just had enough of it all now...  He's reluctant to even try with our last frostie but has now said yes to that although we've had to compromise on when.  He wants us to have some time out and enjoy the summer before embarking again but I'd rather just get it over with and then we can draw a line under all of this and try to move on...


----------



## Nordickat

loopy - i have just one icebaby too and a DH in denial. I think he is hoping for a powercut at the clinic so the freezer defrosts and its taken out of our hands ....... in a way I sort of hope the same thing.


----------



## LoopyMoo

Nordickat - Sounds like we're in the same boat then!  Do you know when your FET will be?  DH has said he wants to wait until August.  I notice from your signature that you aren't allowed to adopt because of depression.  We've also been told that due to both mine and DH's past mental health issues, we too are not allowed to adopt!  Seems ludicrous that we are allowed to have IVF treatment with the very real possibility of having a baby but we are not allowed to adopt.  Mine and DH's problems are well and truly in the past too so it seems very unfair


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies
Loopy - what a tough time, sometimes it's just too hard to man up, i think, be kind to yourself, feel how you feel and you can tell us how it really is   
Nordickatt and Loopy - seems unfair to deny you this chance because you recognised something in the past and dealt with it, know what you mean about taking the decisions away, i carry so much guilt when things don't work   
But AFM my first scan today was good, 25 follies about 13mm which they say is good, totally filled with confidence by the clinic,so feeling hopeful, although we always do really, we've fallen a long way over the past few years   
Hi to everyone else, wherever you're at
Lil one


----------



## Moog

A quick hello to you all, sorry I have gone off the radar again, been struggling with feeling low the past week. Kind of gone into my shell a bit.  
Loads of Love to everyone.
Moogx


----------



## wobs

Kat     thanks I knew I couldn't remember the quote quite right!!!! Oh dear....I'm only a teacher!!


----------



## Nordickat

Wobs - its been my FF mantra for everyone for ages and so when it was in ´the best exotic marigold hotel´ movie I nearly cried   . Are you still on holiday or is it back to school already? Did you go away last week? I started a pm to you earlier but then DH dragged me to a meeting   . I´ll try again over the weekend   

Moog - you can come out of your shell on here any time you need   

lil´one/Loopy - we haven´t been told that we can´t adopt but I´m not brave enough to try again and be rejected. We were approved but then I really needed to get help so we voluntarily withdrew before anyone had the chance to chuck us out. I think its awful though that people like Loopy, where mental health issues are past tense, are not allowed to adopt in the UK. Surely in many cases (not all though I know), our experiences would make us are far stronger and more aware parents. I shouldn´t be approved right now as I´m not stable at all and I do accept that, but at the same time I know that parts of my history would make me a great mother, not a lot would slip under my radar I can tell you   . It is more complicated than that here though and we only have adoption abroad where the waiting list is up to 5 years long    but the paperwork is only valid for 4 years and if that doesn´t mess with your head then nothing will   

lil´one - this could well be your time   

Loopy - I don´t think I´m strong enough for a failed cycle just yet so no dates for FET. IS it best to do it now and get it oever with while I´m still down, or wait til I´m feeling OK and then get knocked down again   . Tricky one hey? Maybe you DH needs a bit longer to heal before he can makes plans   

I have a stupid work deadline tomorrow (good job I´m not on sick leave or anything   ) but the wine has gone straight to my head tonight so my report is going to be a bit squiffy I think   


 to all, 
Katxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone – back from our lovely break in Portugal. We had a great time despite the dodgy weather! Lots of reading, lovely food and wine and some sun. We were cycling one day and a stork flew down and landed in the field right in front of us! Completely daft I know but I’m taking it as a good omen – storks bring babies right!!!

Anyway – just had a quick catch up and want to say welcome to the new ladies. So sorry you’ve experiences the tragedy of multiple BFNs and found your way here. We all understand how awful a BFN is like somebody who hasn’t been there simply can’t.  

Lots going on for the regulars – hope your tx is going well SL4E, Beth and ‘lil one. Hi to Moog, hbkmorris, LoopyMoo and others waiting to cycle or continuing with testing. And hi to Wobs and Nordickat – so pleased you’re home Nordickat x 

I got home to find my Serum period blood test results and am positive for chlamydia and ureaplasma – so a load of antibiotics for us. Does anyone know if I can take the protocol from Penny to my GP and get a prescription from him? Anyone had these results and can give me any advice on the best way to deal with it?

Not sure how I feel about it – good to find something but I was hoping all was going to be clear as that would make it easier for us to have a last ditch attempt with our frosties and then move onto DS. Guess this means we can use our frosties with renewed hope. Anybody know if we can transfer our frosties in the UK for use at Serum? My mind feels like a whirlwind of confusion with so many things to think about!

Love to all x x x


----------



## Shellebell

There is a new thread that Agate has done, which may be of help to some of you  
A guide to learning from your failed IVF cyclehttp://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you everyone for all your support. I'm back home now, had a fabulous holiday as well as the 2 visits to the clinic.
Endometrium 'perfect', 2 top quality embies, 1 x 8 cell and 1 x 11 cell transferred. Embryologist quietly confident it'll work, I'm in self- protection mode and not even daring to hope, going to book a blood test as I can't face POAS ever again, OTD next friday.


Beth, my cycle buddy,   


Lexy, I'm sorry about your BFN but glad that you're making progress on your journey, and hope that this new doctor can work some miracles for you.


Kat, thank you for mentioning the marigold hotel, I'd forgotten that DH had promised to take me to see it   


LTW, glad you had a nice break, lets hope that stork has followed you home   . Fingers crossed the antibiotics don't make you feel too rough.


Coweyes, Moog, Katie, Lil One, Loopymoo, Wobs, HBK and everyone else


----------



## Nordickat

Lexy - great news that you have another option now   . You might want to remove your real names from your letter though   . I hope you get to Sydney soon.

SL4E - congratulations and i hope this is the one. Go and see 'Salmon fishing in the Yemen' too as that is even better IMHO. Even I have to admit its better than the book.

LTW - welcome home and of course the stork is a good sign. I took my hidden c results to my gp and he laughed at me and offered me the stanard one hit antibiotic pill. I then took it to my consultant who agreed  to try the Serum protocol - nothing ventured nothing gained was his thinking I guess. Try your GP first. There is no reason why embies can't be shipped. You have to pay the rental on the duer they transport them in though which will cost you a bit. I think it'll be down to your UK clinic and if they are prepared to sort it out for you. No harm in asking them though.

Beth and lil'one     

Wobs - never did write that pm did I.

Love to everyone Katxxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello Ladies what a grim wet & windy morning here in the UK and Birmingham..   

SL4E.. Welcome home, great to hear you had a fab holiday and even more so congrats on being PUPO with 2 beautiful embies. My fingers & toes are crossed for you and lots of       for next Friday x

LexySmoker.. I bet it's nice and warm with you in Perth!?! Jammy Sausage. Great news about your reply, I really hope you get things sorted and you also get some answers to your worries.. Good Luck. I've had a uNK cell Biospy and all I can say is take a few pain killers before hand as it takes your breath away for 10 seconds I was panting like a hot dog as instructed by the nurse x

Shellebell.. Hello hope your well x

longtimewaiting.. Another one returning from a wonderful holiday.. welcome home to blighty England!! When will you start your Anti's from serum? My friend had her bits tested and they came back +tive and she whent to her GP for the PX and he wouldn't to it as he believed the drug regime was to intense and aggressive she then went to her consultant at the clinic where she was having IVF and he to raised his eyebrows and said I'll only px you 1 of the drugs and then give you 14 days worth of doxcyline (think that's how it's spelt). Therefore it seems to depend on your GP or Constulant, I showed my GP the list just to see what she said and again she declined px me them and said I can have 14 days of Doxy and that's all. Very annoying to say the least as I know of so many ladies off FF that GP's or consultants have given the px so it just depends on your GP.. (Sorry that was a rather long ramble!!) x

Nordickat.. Hiya you...Hope your report ended up ok after a few Vino's..    How I laughed at that post x

wobs.. Hello how are you flower? Your not alone with the obsessive bit on FF, I've been looking at all different threads and following a few ladies on there 4th & 5th cycles it's crazy as becomes to much so I to have been keeping myself off it and just looking in every now & then x

Moog.. Once again I did the same in January and it's took me quite a while to pick myself up and brush off the past year and look forward rather than back. It's very tough but you have the support of eveyone on here which is my saving grace x

'lil one.. How are you doing? when I read your last post of 25 follies I huge    came to me, that's a fantastic amount well done you.. Hope your ok and all is well with now eggs/embies x

LoopyMoo.. How sad that your past history has determined the outcome of possible adoption. I find it to be shameful as there are so many children out there that need a loving, warm & caring home & family which cleary you have to offer yet because of your past you are cenied this and as you say bizarre that everyone can have IVF despite their past.. Madness x

Love to everyone else I've missed.

Nothing to really report from me, as you know my uNK cell biopsy came back normal but I'm still going to take a low dose Prednisolone, Clexane & Prontogest with my next cycle No 4 I may start it end of May or June just depends on balance of Level 1 bloods being back on thursday at the clinic and depends on my weight loss (not that it's turning out great!) as I would really like to lose a stone before I start again.

Anyhow love to you all and may you have a super week. 
Take Care HBK xx


----------



## coweyes

Hi all sorry i have to been on here for a while.


Did not want to rub others faces in it but we have had some good news, we recieved funding from out local pct and they are going to pay for one full cycle of pgd.  (i am sure i have not said, have i)  This is excellent news as tbh so far we have not had a chance of things working out as its always been the wrong treatment.  Anyhow feeling like we are now not at the end of the road (not quite),  and feel as if we need to believe in could possibly work.  We will be starting treatment again in May.  


hello to everyone, hope your all well. xx


----------



## pinkpixie

coweyes thats wonderful news congratulations !!!


----------



## bethholm

Just a quick one from me ladies - you have all been in my thoughts over the past few weeks  . Since getting back from Serum and being back at school, I ahven't had a moment to catch my breath. This is my 7th 2WW I am on now and I am incredibly tired at the moment and dizzy (the latter is probably down to the large amout of clexane I am on.) I am also having a few lower stomach cramps etc and wake up absolutely dripping wet in the morning (probably prednisolene) - not an attractive look! My stomach looks like a battlefield with 2 absolutely massive bruises which are threatening to join up. I have never bruised so badly before, but Peny has upped my clexane to 40mg clexane in the morning and 20mg at night as this may have been a factor behind my MMC in December. What was a bit disturbing yesterday was that my black opaque tights must have been a little too tight as I had 2 perfect vertically striped bruises on my stomach at the end of the day. I have even taken a photo of my stomach as it looks so impressive! Roll on Sunday (although if I could get away with not testing and just see what happens in 8 months I would feel much better







!) and if it doesn't work, we will be back out at the end of July before the clinic shuts for summer. It's always good to have a safety net in place!

Love to all and thank you so much for all the well wishes.

B x
B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Coweyes, that's wonderful, we all deserve a bit of luck in whatever way it comes   
Beth welcome home!
DH working away in Liverpool for 2 days, but extracted a promise to take me to the cinema on saturday.
Had rheumatology appt this morning, and managed to get some clexane, a relief as my GP had refused to give me any. I also have a rip-roaring water infection, needing antibiotics, which is a bit of a bummer. Trying not to be too obsessive about symptoms....but found myself prodding boobs to make sure they're still sore    Also dithering about the test, if AF stays away that long.


----------



## lizlou34

Hello all-Hope you don't mind me coming in to ask your honest opinion?  Just had first FET -BFN-and PGS has been suggested for us as a possible option (have found out more about it from the lovely ladies on the PGD board)  We are planning a consultation with the PGD nurse specialist but feel unsure as to whether it is for us after x2 MMC and x1 BFN-blood tests for level 1 miscarriage tests and karyotype from ERCPs have not shown anything.  Any thoughts would be appreciated xxx


----------



## Nordickat

HBK - luckily my report is in English and the reviewers are Norwegian so they´ll never notice the odd wine induced typo   . Some of my best work has been produced with bottles of wine ...... I´m much more creative.

liz - sorry, not sure what to advise   

Beth - my belly button bruised last time and it looked like it had gone rotten   . I remember a perfectly formed pawprint bruise once when pooch jumped on me. Lucky #7 for you I hope   

SL4E - I always found running up and down the stairs energetically ensured my boobs were reasuringly painful   . I hope this is your time.

Coweyes - its not rubbing anyones nose in anything. Its great news   

Pixie   

Lil´one - i hope things are progressing nicely

How fab would it be to get a trio of BFPs in the next couple of weeks   
Katxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies   
Hope it's nicer where you are then here.....yukky rain   
Lizlou - i am so sorry, i am of absolutely no help, but you are in the right place, these ladies are very knowledgable, hope you get the answers you need   
Betholm & seemslike -    
Coweyes - great that things are turning round for you   
Lexy - Gavin sound good to me, i think a new perspective can never be a bad thing   
AFM EC was yesterday, after some initial scary talk about OHSS and cancelling the fresh cycle   things went ok.  13 eggs were collected, 11 were mature for ICSI and 10 are still developing today.  We're booked for a check up scan tomorrow to rule out OHSS, although no probs today with bloating etc, so don't think it's a concern.  We're also booked for ET on Sunday, the clinic aren't as keen on blast transfer as they say they can do other tests at day 3 to separate the men from the boys, so we'll wait and see.  Feeling relieved and happy thus far, but DH keeping my feet on the ground....i always get too excited and then have a long way to fall, but it's ok, i am quite bouncy.   
I hope you all have great weekends, thanks for the words of support,
Lil' one


----------



## coweyes

Lislou hello again.  I think if i was you i would get a second opinion from a different clinic. Like you said you have had 2 miscarrages, but would not have thought it was enough to suggest pgd (not belittling it at all   ).  Its just that lots of people have miscarrages but dont belive they have had pgd suggested to them.  I have not even started my pgd cycle yet, but its taken a year of tests etc etc to get to the point of being able to start.  I already know that its far more complicated and stressful than ivf (cos i have had 2 rounds of icsi) and that the odds are not so good, if i was honest i only take this route cos i have no choice.  I would def get a second opinion from a different clinic and see if they even suggest it, as to me it appears a little premature.

Why dont you set up a pole on here, ask ladies who have had 2 miscarrages or more if they have had pgd suggested to them? just a thought.

lil one Great number   

Seemslifeforever Sorry to hear you have not been well, hope you feel better soon.

Nordickat  How are you doing? Hope your staying well   

Hello everyone else hope your all doing well.

Thanks for be pleased for me, i know how hard it is when others are giving a ray of hope.  
I am so so scared about starting treatment, my life is really good at the momemnt and i feel scared taht it could all go down hill again once we start.  But also know that we have little choice.  Not really sure if i am mentally ready, but know thats just how anyone would feel. xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome, Lizlou! I'm not too knowlegeable about your query, but I would tend to agree with coweyes, as jumping to PGD, esp at your age with no  genetic problem detected seems a bit quick. Have you been offered any therapy with pregnancy to prevent miscarriage? It's probably worth going to the appointment to find out why they want to do it, but also have a look around at other specialists before you embark on any more cycles.
Lil one,      for tomorrow, hope lots of action in the petri dish tonight


Really appreciating all your support, as DH reluctantly told me about a negative comment he'd had off a close family friend, that I'm too old for this lark now, & what about all the money we're wasting, yet this person had previously been supportive. Oh well. just goes to show it's one person we won't tell again, the ever-decreasing circle of confidants. Just got back from seeing 'The Marigold Hotel', and now want to go to Jaipur    Liked the synopsis of 'Fishing in the Yemen', I'll drop a few hints.. Cystitis easing now too


Hope all my lovely buddies are having a good weekend xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Testing tomorrow- dreading it.Even my mum asked me today when I was going to give up trying  .

Love to all you fabulous ladies  .

B x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Beth

Did you test? What's the news? Can I raise a glass of vino for you today? 

After all you've gone through you deserve this more than anything and I wish you all the best. 

My two close friends said the same to me on Friday after this next cycle will you give up but it's so hard when you can't.. 

Take care muffin xx 

Lil one how are you? You must be PUPO now 
.. Good luck xx

SL4E.. You have all our support and you shall never be on your own on the ivf train. I guess when your even your best option is given to you only then will you beable to decide if you wish to go ahead or not.. Thinking of you xx 

Hello to everyone hope your weekends been a joyful one, I've done something to my back and it bloomin hurts.. Anyhow weekends fly by to quick for my liking.. Not looking forward to work tomorrow xx


----------



## bethholm

Here's logic for you-

1 egg collected cycle 5,1 embie transferred,BFP

1 embie only available to transfer cycle 6, BFP

Cycle 7 -Maximum embies transferred from a considerably younger lady than me with younger sperm too,the whole works (acupunc,Chinese herbs,mushrooms,immunes) BFN

I know DD is not guaranteed,but based on the fact that I was given 20-30% odds (my local clinic gave me 10%) with  OE/OS, I managed to get pregnant. Peny wants us to cycle next month but finances are none existent.We take great comfort with Peny saying that it'll definitely work at some stage (in my dark moments I even doubt this),but by then I'll be sitting in a corner with 2 pencils up my nose saying 'wibble'  .

Hope the other ladies have better luck  .

B x


----------



## Nordickat

i´m so sorry beth (((HUGS)))


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Beth I've just    for you.. Why oh Why is this darn journey so unfair.

I'm really sorry after I know what you've been through and it just sucks.. lots of     to you and yoru DH.. I hope you can try again soon and I also hope you win the lotto (as I wish I had).. Money is the route of all evil sometimes.

Take Care and try to keep strong.. I'm not sure I know what else to say

xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Beth - i am so sorry, it really sucks, no rhyme or reason   
AFM ET today went fine, 2 came home,
Now for the craziness   
Sending warm hugs to all of you,
Lil one


----------



## wobs

Beth - so sorry to read your news.  IF is soooooo unfair    take care and take time out before making any decisions

Coweyes - great news on funding

'lil one - well done on ET; here's to a very speedy 2ww        

Lexysmoker - sorry for your BFN.  Hope the new clinic gives you some answers.  

SL4E - good luck        

LizLou - don't really know much about PGD - except that we have asked about it before and been told it isn't relevant to us as there has to be a specific problem/issue they are looking for...

Don't know if anyone has looked at Agate's thread but it looks really good.

HBK, Kat, PinkPixie and everyone else  Hi!

AFM - school is soooo busy already.  Spent hours working this weekend....   But did manage a trip to the supermarket     Oh dear!!!

Ok...now how sad is my life - not seen Marigold Hotel - never even heard about it!!! Best get goggling I think!!

Wobs


----------



## Nordickat

Wobs - I´m not a movie chick really and I generally know nothing about what is on (or who is who) ....... give me a book any day   . But I have discovered one thing, going to the movies is actually an official and legitimate reason to have chocolate   

Beth - so sorry again   I´ve done the whole ´wibble´thing and I can´t recommend it   

Lil´one - lots of luck.

coweyes - i think if you feel that your life is going well right now, then you are ready and strong enough for tx again.

SL4E - I suspect your friends weren´t being mean, more concerned for you. Maybe they want to see you happy and living your life and are upset that its not happening   

HBK - sorry about your back. Back pain makes me awfully grumpy. I hope a long hot bath with a chilled glass of white wine has helped, and if you haven´t tried it, you should   

Pooch and I went to a friends house today (first time she has met him properly) and thankfully her kids were all out because poochie shook to death several teddybears while we were having coffee. He came running upstairs with fluff attached to his beard and I was in a huge panic that a teddy had copped it   . Thankfully he had just broken into the washroom and killed a few sponges and some rubber gloves instead   . I´m beginning to realise that I would never cope with kids anyway, I have enough trouble keeping control of the dog.

Love to you all, 
katxxx


----------



## waikiki

Hi ladies,

Sorry that I've been AWOL for a while - I have been lurking and keeping up to date with all of your news, just haven't felt much like talking lately.

Anyway, I wanted to send massive    to Beth.  I'm so sorry hun, it's the unfairness and randomness of all of this that does my head in and so I can understand how this must feel like a heavy blow.  I also thought my first DE cycle had to be almost a dead cert and it took a lot to get over that BFN.  You're in excellent hands with Penny and I know she will do everything she can for you to achieve your dream.

Hang in there hun.

Waikiki    

PS Kat - thanks for checking up on me   and sorry I haven't been in touch lately.  Will send you a PM later, and who knows I may even come back out of my shell and post a bit more again.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw your post. I'm so sorry     . there is no logic or justice to this journey.   
 to Waikiki and Wobs, nice to see you back.


HBK, hope the backache has eased in time for work, must admit Kat's remedy sounded pretty good....
Kat, I'll try and give my friends the 'benefit of the doubt', she recently caused uproar on my ** page so I guess I may be being a bit harsh.
Lil One hope you're not going too stir-crazy yet 
I'm still hanging on, but very, very scared.
Lots of love everyone x


----------



## Marguel

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me joining this group, I just found your thread and I think I could find some hope here or at least talk to people who understand how I feel.

I've had 3 IUIs and 5 IVFs but here I am, still no baby to take home. I did get pregnant with twins in my 3rd IVF but unfortunately had a mmc at 10 weeks.

I've just had my 5th IVF fail with ARGC and I'm currently getting ready for my 6th IVF also with ARGC. They found some inmune issues and gave me the 'full menu' of medications. So far it has always been unexplained IF and I think that is why I had so much hope this would be the one. Now that this one has also failed, I'm beginning to wonder what else is there we could try!!

I still think deep down that it will work one day, we just have to keep trying and not to give up, however it is getting harder and harder to find sucess stories beyond the 3rd or 4th IVF, I'm not sure if because people give up after 3 or 4 tries or because it really is very difficult to succeed after so many tries!!!

Anyway, I would love to hear happy ending stories I can go back to and read when I feel I'm crazy for trying to reach my dream of becoming a mum.

Thank you


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello Marguel   
I, too, am having those feelings, i spent some of today trawling for sucess stories after a few failed cycles   .
I think you're right perhaps it's the cost, it's also soooo hard to keep getting that BFN time after time.   
I am still hoping and wishing,   praying that we are getting closer each time.
  Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Just a quicky to welcome you Marguel onto this thread.

I'm so sorry that you've had to turn to us multiple failures due to you own circumstances.. The loss of your twins must have broken you and I admire your strength to keep going... YOU WILL get pregs that i'm sure of.

As this will be my 4th go I'm hoping &    that we all get there this year and we can all look forward to 2013.

I like your wording about immunes 'Full Menu'.. made me    I'm hoping that the immunes drugs do something for me also.

Good Luck to you and I know someone who's got more advise will be along soon. Take Care x

Hello to everyone else.. Sorry i'm short on time tonight but I will come back to you all very soon xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh Beth – so sorry to hear your terrible news. I’ve sent you a pm  

Hi SL4E and Lil one – hope you’re both surviving the 2WW with some sanity   

Sorry to hear about negative comments from your family friend SL4E – all I can say is, unless they’ve been in your situation, they have no idea how to begin to understand. Unfortunately people can be very judgmental when they don’t understand. 

Thank you to Kat and Hbkmorris for your experiences with hidden c/GP/consultant/px. I plan to call round pharmacies tomorrow with my serum prescription. From what I’ve heard on the Serum boards the meds shouldn’t be too expensive so it’s probably easiest not to bother with my GP. 

And I’ve decided to leave my frosties where they are for now. My sister re-offered to be a surrogate so we’ll keep them where they are for now for that possible back up plan.

Coweyes – brilliant news on getting PCT funding! I’m with you feeling your worry about facing another go – me too. 

Hbkmorris – how’s your back today?

Hi Wobs – hope you enjoyed you trip to the supermarket weekend highlight!

Hi Waikiki – no need to apologise for being AWOL – nice to hear from you.

Welcome LexySmoker – so very sorry to hear about your BFNs. Good luck with your expert in Sydney.

Welcome Marguel – sorry you find yourself here but you’re in the right place for lots of understanding. Lots of us feel the same as you. I think Pinkpixe is our most recent happy ending in this family – after 5 BFNs I think – she may still be reading. 

AFM – waiting to hear from Penny on next steps after taking the hidden c meds - and feeling terrified at the thought of another cycle but, as ever, more terrified at the thought of childlessness. 

Bit worried about Serum suddenly getting very busy with so much talk about them – not heard back from Penny since last Tues but I’ve emailed her again today. 

Another thing I’m worrying about is my severe period pains at the weekend – I was up for 2 hours experiencing terrible waves of pain and heavy bleeding with lots of clots. I was rolling around on the floor, doubled in pain, sweating, shaking, vomiting – DH wanted to take me to hospital but I didn’t want to move and I’ve had it before so I knew it would pass. I get it once or twice a year since starting IVF – does anyone think it’s significant? My old consultant and GP didn’t seem interested. I’ve email Penny about it to see what she thinks.

Anyway – must go to bed, I’m shattered! Love to all – keep strong x


----------



## coweyes

Don't know but I would def get it checked out again. My periods have never bee the same since having ivf, much heavier and painful, but manageable.


----------



## LoopyMoo

Morning ladies  Just a quickie as I'm supposed to be walking my dog before his trip to the grooming parlour!!

Beth - So sorry   

Marguel - Welcome!

Big hello to everyone else...

AFM, Feeling uber sensitive again for some reason.  Had another pregnancy announcement yesterday from quite a close friend (will be her 3rd), so that's 1 baby born already and 7 more to go before the end of October.  Why not get a skip full of salt and plonk me in it now and get it over with!!!!  Sitting here balling my eyes out at the unfairness of it all


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies   
Loopy -   it is so completely s#@& when everyone around you is getting pregnant.  At work, i manage a whole group of women and am so used to the ' whoops - another one' conversation. I have a pretty good 'how wonderful' face now, but i come home and cry too    You are not alone - we know how that pain is   
LTW - my periods have been    since starting IVF, too.  I have to say that regardless of the reason, you shouldn't have to put up with that degree of pain, you poor thing   
Marguel - how are you feeling today? i remember my mum (who is not normally known for her insight) once saying to me that although it feels, at night, like the sun will never come up, it always does, and new day.......   We are here   
AFM - awaiting a call from the embryologist today to tell us how the remaining embies are doing.....we were lucky enough to get 10 to fertilise - our best result yet    and so they have reccommended seeing if the remaining once get to blast and freeze them then......   come on little ones
Hi to everyone else, i am sure i will be back on today - who am i kidding - i check on the hour - not at work this week as reccommended by the clinic but will be glad to go back to stop obsessing   
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

L'il One- thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

AFM- can completely understand the 'everyone is getting pregnant' thing. A lot of my IVF friends are now on their 2nd and I can't even manage one! It's also my DH's grandaughter's christening at the weekend. My MIL is descending on us next weekend for this. I haven't seen since Christmas 2010 when I found out on Chrismas Eve up at her house in Glasgow that DH's 17 year old son had got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant (she did have a MC). I had the worst Christmas ever, in fact, we came home early and I cried all Christmas Day. My MIL said what did I expect from marrying a man with 2 teenage children. I was so tempted to say that in my family, we are not feral.Then 2 weeks later, DH's 16 year daughter got pregnant after a one night Christmas sh*g, so I can understand the unfairness of it all ladies. I am of course not invited to the aforementioned Christening which I am not surprised nor bothered about really as I still haven't seen the baby andit was born last August. DH's DD is probably only having her christened to have a party and get the presents as she doesn't believe in God to the best of my knowledge... Oh I am so cynical!

Back out to Serum next month or within the next few weeks as Peny wants me to still have some of the meds in my system...

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Marguel, and welcome, sorry that you've had another BFN. We're all familiar with that...and the seeking hope that maybe, just maybe, it'll work for us.


Oh Moo, 7  What is in their tap water that isn't in yours?


LTW, I'd get the period pain checked, it may be that something inside has changed due to all the hormones from the IVF, esp if you've ever had endo or fibroids.
Lil One,        for all your embies, inside and outside!


Beth, I'm very lucky with my MIL, what an ordeal to face straight after this cycle, even though you're not going to be present I guess there'll be lots of chat about the christening. I'm also with you on feeling extra galled cos the mother isn't even religious.


I haven't even bought a POAS yet, although i did read on the 2ww info that after a 3dt I should be able to test tomorrow. I have now gone beyond my normal cycle length, and no spotting. 


 all round, see y'all soon


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies   
Hope you're ok in this horrid rain, my neighbour has just had to have drains unblocked and carpets cleaned urghhhhhh   
Beth, what a nightmare with the family   it never ceases to amaze me just how stupid and unpleasant people can be.....you'd think you MIL would make more of an effort to be nice, even for her son's sake?  my MIL isn't too bad, in small doses....but we like to keep her in the dark re our journey mostly    *am brought to mind re mushroom joke, - perhaps another time*
SL4E -     for you, sorry but what does POAS stand for....i should probably know but am a bit vague this week   
AFM a bit of a down turn: the embryologist just called to say that none of the remaining 8 embies made it to blast   .  He reassured me that this was normal, and not a reflection on the ones which were put back.....still can't help feeling a little sad......i was foolishly hoping we would have loads of great blastos for the future.....also can't help thinking it may be a sign......i hate that sinking feeling   
Lil' one


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Lil 'one - remember it only takes one; they put the best ones back     

LTW - think you should get that pain checked out...endo could be relevant?  hope you're better now

Hi Waikiki - nice to 'see' you   

Marguel - sorry you are joining us, but welcome 

Kat - love the pooch story   .  I'm a book person too!  Total bookworm.  But will try and get to the cinema sometime soon!!!  I think DH and I are as hopeless as each other - I mentioned it to him and he said it'd be out soon on telly and we could watch it then!!!   

LoopyMoo, Beth, SL4E, Coweyes, HBK, PinkPixie, Lexysmoker, Lizlou and anyone else I've missed (sorry!) - hi and   if you need them today

off for some tea
Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, it's pee-on-a-stick   . Ordered a pack off amazon, so can't test til they come. Sorry to see your others didn't make it, but the ones inside are back in the perfect environment to thrive    .


----------



## seemedlike4eva

It looks like another neg for me..... I've just done a First response test, as I'd emailed the doc in Czech to request another prescription, and he asked me to test today, and of course it only had one line on it. The only parallel lines we have any luck with are double yellow ones cos we get nice tickets off the traffic warden.
 hasn't shown up, or sent any warning signs, so I will do another test tomorrow with an early  morning sample.
Hope someone, somewhere has had a good day xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh SL4E, i   it was just too early to test, also did you test absolutely first morning?
When i had my ectopic, i wee'd a negative at 9 weeks bacause i am so well hydrated.
        
Lil' one


----------



## coweyes

seemslikeforever


I am so so sorry i really am. xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thanks ladies.
I'm still in limbo. I did a 2nd test, also neg on a morning sample, but I do tend to drink a lot so my wee is never very concentrated.
Today is day 32, no sign of AF, even the minimal spotting I did have has cleared up! 
I've been made an amazing offer by the clinic re a 3rd (fresh) cycle, so it looks like I'll be back in a few weeks. Doc has advised me to stay on the meds, then have a withdrawl bleed to sync with my donor. To be 100% sure it is a neg, I've booked a blood test for monday morning, get results same day.


----------



## bethholm

SLF- Thinking of you sweetheart and sending huge hugs to you.   

AFM- MIL is down from Glasgow with my niece and this is the first time I have had to myself this weekend (amongst lots of questions revolving around ‘So when are you going to stop trying then?’ – ‘When it works.’)They are all off today to DH’s DD baby’s christening (a result of a one night stand at Christmas just to rub it in, aged 16) so I am enjoying having the house to myself before they come back.

I think from my calculations that I will be out again at Serum between the 9th- 12th May. I haven’t booked any flights or hotels yet as I don’t know exactly when Peny wants me out. As funds are not existent, I am waiting to hear from her rather than booking anything to hedge my bets in order to keep my time out there to a minimum! I am not even looking at flights and hotels as it will depress me seeing how relatively cheap they are now compared to when I have to book them! It is really frustrating as I am a control freak   !

We had a slight panic yesterday when I ran out of doxycycline. I had ordered some meds including the antibiotics from Fazeley and they are usually fab re sending them next day delivery. When I phoned them up, they were closed, however Bushra picked up her voicemail and phoned me within 30 mins (fab service!) She said she had tracked my parcel and it had been delivered and signed for on the Friday and that I had signed for it (which was impossible as I didn't get in from work until 8pm!) I then knew what had happened as our postman is great and often signs parcels on our behalf as he knows DH and I work long hours. He usually then leaves the parcel with a neighbour. That's great unless of course he omits to tell you which neighbour he has left it with, so we spent yesterday running around our neighbours trying to locate the parcel to no avail. In desperation, our pharmacy told us to phone Devon Doctors for them fax the pharmacy with an emergency prescription (after lots of persuading as they couldn't work out why I was on antibiotics for IVF), then their fax went down (it is Devon after all- we only got the wheel last week   ) and they had to chase the prescription up. I tried our final neighbour we hadn't checked  at teatime when they finally came home and they said that they had the parcel after all and had been holding on to it for nearly 40 hours   , waiting for us to be in (we live opposite the farmyard from them and had been in all day and the previous evening!) I was really relieved as we couldn't have afforded to buy any replacement meds.



Take care all of you on this very wet and windy Sunday!

B x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Beth - so glad you sorted the meds   what a fuss, though.  Enjoy your time to yourself, today...I think you are a saint to put up with those rellies as you do  if it were me I would be in holloway by now for gbh or worse  

SLFE - i am  you get a delayed bfp to take you out of limbo  

Afm I am 4 days away from being put out of my misery.  Feeling fine, really, the odd twinge if I really concentrate, but nothing to write home about.  Swing between thinking this is good or bad.  
Also posting on a busy 2ww thread, have a bit of a de ja vous feeling of reading about other ladies bfps, of course delighted for them, but when will it be our turn?    

Lil' one


----------



## Nordickat

SL4E - thinking of you and hoping for good news later today  


 to everyone else, 
Katxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

hi ladies
how are you all? at least we have made it through monday  
i am feeling totally crap, today is 8dp3dt, i got home from work and found an old POAS, cheap ebay one, i did the test, and a clear bfn, i am totally gutted but    it is just too early, what do you think ladies  ?
Lil' one


----------



## Nordickat

Way too early and afternoon pee not morning so no chance of seeing a BFP. Tut tut Lil´One. No more POAS til test day as all it does is make you feel unnecessarily miserable. Enjoy being PUPO for a few days more yet.


Katxxx


PS. Long weekend for us ....... not that you needed to know that


----------



## bethholm

L'il one- I second that you naughty girl!Way way too early!On my first BFP on day 14 I barely could see the line. Keeping everything crossed.

Kat-totally jealous of the long weekend but we have one next week!

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning! 
Everyone got your wetsuit on?
Got back home very late last night, and DH bless him, checked for the dreaded email, yep BFN. HCG <1. Oh well, game over for now.
Lil One    are being sent round right now!!!     still.


Beth, when I was watching all that hideous rain, I was thinking of your family event, and the saying 'The sun shines on the righteous'.....  


I need a duvet day, with Mrs Browns Boys DVD, a bottle of rose and some chocolate, but its tuesday so I can't. Off to the outreach project (charity shop) where I'm going to put on my fake smile & be nice to people. Maybe.
So glad to have found you guys, cos there's no need to explain anything.


----------



## waikiki

SL4E - Didn't post before as I was holding out hope that I would be able to come on today and congratulate you on a late BFP.  I'm so sorry hun, it truly, truly sucks and you're right, you don't need to explain because we all understand how it feels.


----------



## Nordickat

So sorry SL4E


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies   

Well, i am truly a member of this group with our fourth bfn from icsi today, bleeding started, how they always end.....

Devastated doesn't cover it, have held it together, mostly, today as at work, apart from when the lovely nurse told me how sorry she was....  

Can't bear having to go home to take the smile off poor DH's face.  How many more do we need to go through?

SL4E - words can't help, but genuine     to you both.

Sorry if i am a little absent, i will be back when i have my head together.

Lil' one


----------



## Nordickat

So sorry ´Lil one. You know where we are when you are ready


----------



## waikiki

Oh Lil' one I'm so sorry hun


----------



## Hbkmorris

I'm so so sorry Lil One, my thoughts are with you take care xx


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- massive hugs sweetheart.We can truely say we know how you feel.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One,   ,    , So, so sorry. Love to you and DH x


----------



## longtimewaiting

SL4E and ‘lil one – I’m so sorry to read about your BFNs. Heartbreaking - my thoughts and tears are with you both   

Too many BFNs on here recently - life is too unfair for words.

Huge hugs to you both


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Evening everyone,
Logged on cos I'm feely weepy, hormonal & ultra-sensitive. First time I've cried today. Got the hump cos DH & I haven't been invited to great-niece's 3rd birthday tea, now I don't want to go to a kids party BUT all the rest of DH's family has been invited, as they have been to the other girls' birthdays, but we're the ones always left out. In fact we were asked to be godparents to the middle one, but niece's   of a DH made her ring & tell us no. We were discussing it today, and I said to DH 'Is it cos we're the freaks without kids?'
Went to a church meeting this evening, and someone has inadvertantly upset me.... I've been co-leader on a bible study course, the main leader has left, having done 21/30 sessions, so not left me a lot to do. I was asked 'Oh are you leading the course?', before I could answer, Ms Big mouth piped up 'I wouldn't say leading exactly, more 'chairing' it!' Plus there's a late addition to the group who keeps 'snitching' to the Minister.
Gosh, I sound like a petulant toddler! 
Working on the pennies for next cycle, got a cheque coming from the waterboard, refund for calling dynarod out to unblock drains because of a faulty repair they'd done. Putting in a PPI refund claim, fingers crossed for that. Onwards, and hopefully belly-outwards   
Rant over, love to you all x


----------



## bethholm

Rant away-we will always listen,we will always understand.

B x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies   
Firstly, thank you all for your support and kindness, this is one of the few places i don't feel like a freak   .......... things just take time sometimes.........  
SL4E - how are you doing? people can be so insensitive at times, just makes the journey harder.  Hope you get a nice PPI refund   
AFM not my greatest day.......started with a power cut while in the shower, so i really did go out looking like i get dressed in the dark   
Made it to the clinic, and lost it in the car park, then just ambled through the appt, feel like i've completely shown myself up   
Then to the hairdressers, i was early so sat and waited, the loud girl next to me was 13 weeks pregnant and full of it, i know so much now about her symptoms, the hairdressers symptoms, what her boyfriend thinks of it, how inconvenient it is etc   really could have done without it, but held it together which i was surprised at   
'THE' call came at 3pm, they were nice enough, but told me zero reading, so not even a sniff of implantation..........another kick in the teeth   
Lovely DH is taking me out for food, i'm going to have a cider.......little things.......  
Hope you're all ok out there, ladies
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One & DH, have a lovely evening together, and enjoy your cider....I had some wine the other night   .
I've had to go back onto warfarin, and the clinic runs alongside the antenatal clinic at the health centre, same corridor and waiting area as all the bldy 'fertiles'. Is there no escape?? The only saving grace, is being central Brum, the population is mainly asian, so at least they're not speaking English, and I'm spared all the gory details. Another little bonus, Lil-lets products are all half price at tesco, so I'm ready for AF. The doctor at the clinic told me to stay on the meds to delay AF to sync with donor, but I've not heard back yet, so still on drugs, and not bleeding.
Waikiki, saw your update on the other thread,      for tomorrow.
Beth, keeping everything crossed for next week,
Kat, HBK, Wobs, LTW, Coweyes and everyone else, hope you're doing OK


----------



## Hbkmorris

Morning Ladies

I'm sorry I keep popping in and out but I'm feeling quite low and that sad I could    for you all & myself. Lil One I hope you had a nice meal out and reading your last post about the hairdressers is one reason I now have my hairdresser come to me at home as I can't be doing with listening about everyone else's baby and miracle bumps after failed IVF.. I keep saying to myself I can't be that lucky as I've got a clipped & blocked fffffin tubes arrrrrghhhh. I'd be having more than cider flower.. maybe a whole orchard!! My love and thoughts are with you daily with lots of   to you x

SL4E.. I'm sure you've already said but are you having treatment abroad? I'm from brum (10 miles out) and I'm having tx at BWH I know what you mean about being spared the gory details!! One saving grace! As for the Lil-Lets in Asda they have there own brand which is the exact same as Lil-Lets and there only £1 for a box of 32 so I purchased 4 boxes    nothing like stocking up! When are you due to go again or does it just depend on your donor? x

bethholm.. Hi Beth my lovely, how are you? So when are you going to see Penny again? Are you staying in the flat??     x

longtimewaiting, waikiki, Nordickat, coweyes, Hope your all well muffins xxx

AFM.. The waiting game has began, I'm due to start with my next bleed which should be around 25 May. I shall start testing for ov in a few days time as i'm having an endo scratch (worth a try) so as soon as i've got a positive i'm to call them and they shall book me in on day 21ish (i think!!) 
I've got my px for my clexane and prednisolone although i'm completely stuck with getting prontogest as my GP only has the details to get Gestone but as we all know there isn't any so i'm loosing faith in having this type of progesterone support.. I don't know what to do now.. As my GP won't change the px and my consultant can't do it as his in an NHS hospital.. Looks like I'll be on 3 cyclogest a day which i'm ok with but i always bleed before OTD so I thought prontogest would stop this!! Any ideas ladies? what are your thoughts of cyclogest against prontogest? what do you ladies use? I'm confused.com

xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello HBK, nice to see you!
Yep, I'm having treatment in Czech Republic, little known clinic called Sanus in Hradec Kralove. Had 3 x DIUI at BWH, and had also worked there in gynae dept a long time ago! My progesterone is little white balls called uterogestan, I had some left which was still in date from 2010 so I haven't needed yet to try & get more, but I did get some from Fazeley back then. Preferred method is 'where the sun don't shine', but you can also swallow them if you need to take them without getting arrested for indecency when facilities are lacking   
 everyone, nearly the weekend again...


----------



## bethholm

HBK- giggle re flat- no I am not    !  Re hairdressers- at least your hairdresser can come to your house to visit you. My hairdresser who has always done my hair since moving to Devon over 8 years ago, has just had baby number 3 so I can't see her... You want to see my hair- when I can get my highlights done, I can't afford to and when I can afford to, I am pregnant (and just about to lose it). Ho hum.

Off to Serum next week, but I am waiting to hear off Peny as to when she wants me to fly out.I am not used to this as I usually have booked months in advance!

Anyway, school's out! Bring on the Bank Holiday weekend!

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

SL4E and ‘lil one – sending your more hugs and thinking of you    

Hi Hbkmorris – difficult time waiting to embark on the rollercoaster again. 3 cyclogest sounds good – last time I had a combo of cyclogest x 2, progynova x 3 and uterogestan x 1, I think.

Beth – a big thank you for all your advice with Serum, especially at such a difficult time with your recent BFN – not to mention the traumas with difficult relations and med panics! Keep meaning to pm you and will do that very soon! Hope you get next week with Penny sorted soon.

Hi LoopyMoo, Coweyes, Wobs, Kat, Waikiki (wishing you well today) and others reading.

AFM – I emailed Penny about my severe period pain and she said it was a good idea to have the hysteroscopy so I’m going straight for that and not bothering with the aqua scan. We’ve booked everything for half term so I don’t need to tell anyone at work and mess around with special leave (can save that fuss for actual tx). We’re seeing the immune Dr in Athens, then Penny, then hyso the next day and then a day to see the sights!

Also just sorted our antibiotics at long last – after getting quotes up to £140 I decided I give my GP a try! GP was great yesterday and I got them on the NHS today! We’re going to enjoy the bank holiday weekend before embarking on the course. No sex and no alcohol for 25 days from Tuesday! Rubbish!!!


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

SL4E and 'lil one - so sorry to read your news      take care

Hbk - some cycles I've had cyclogest and some gestone etc...sometimes both.  The ARGC tested my progesterone levels - first time I've ever had that done on the day of transfer and a bit later - that way we knew the cyclogest was enough... Don't know if your clinic would do that??  I've always been happy to go for the belt and braces approach - been told that if there is too much progesterone in my system if would just flush itself out!! Who knows!!!!  Sorry I can't be much help

Horray for the weekend!
take care all
Wobs


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you guys, I'm very scared to start this next cycle as I fear failure rather than a positive!! 

Wobs im going to ask my clinic about progesterone testing whilst I'm cycling as I feel it will give me some comfort if nothing else.. 

Thank you do much everyone.. May butterflies soon appear for us all xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

woohoo, the sun is shining! Enjoy.....
Heard from clinic, a potential donor stimms from tomorrow, which would be too early for me to be able to go over for ET, so waiting for next one. Until then, it's keep taking the tablets.


----------



## Bub

Hello ladies. Sorry to have gone AWOL - I've been reading regularly to see how you are all doing but have not felt up to posting.

It's been three months since our last unsuccessful cycle and I thought I was doing ok. I really did. I even managed to get and start a new job. I felt so positive. But last week I felt the anxiety symptoms returning and I seem to have crashed. I'm ok, I'll be ok but god, isn't this frustrating? Do any of you feel like you make progress only to be set back by something? In my case it was the job (stressful) and my good friend having her baby boy. I was fine when she was pregnant but now he is here, I just feel so sad. Another friend joins the elusive club that I fear I never will be part of.

Sorry for the self-centred post. I truly hope you are all doing well and good luck to all of you about to start treatment or already underway.

Bub x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Bub 

Your not alone with your feelings towards your friend who's had a baby and another in the club as that's exactly how I felt.. It's taken me 3 months to get my head around things and now my cousin has had a baby boy which I'm going to visit tomorrow.. I'll be ok whilst I'm there it's when I leave I'll feel like someone's stabbed my heart. 

I hope that one day all and everyone of us will get to feel the love for a child 110% as all of us on this thread deserve to be a mommy xx


----------



## coweyes

Bub so sorry to hear how your feeling. I def felt like that when I found out about my chromazone problem, it was bad enough having fertility issues. But to find that out on top of realising all the treatment we have had has been pointless, nearly pushed me over the edge! Don't think of it as taking a step back, the truth is that infertility is a life changing situation and as with any life changing situation some days r better than others. Some days we can cope with it better than others that's just the way it is.  U just have to see your way though it knowing there will be better days ahead. Xx


----------



## Bub

I'm glad I'm not alone in these feelings but sorry anyone else has to go through it too.
Thanks for words of support. Good luck visiting friends and family's babies - it's difficult and no one really knows how painful it is. We get good at hiding our pain. Thank goodness for this site x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Bub, sending you   . This really is the only place where everyone understands.
My SIL, bless her, has boycotted the b'day party today, to which DH & I had not been invited. Every time we go on **, it seems like the world & his wife had been invited, even tho child is only 3, & party at her gran's house. Got talking to someone at church today, who I only know by sight, when i said I was married, it was straight away 'how many kids?'. Luckily a friend jumped in and said 'Her hubby is such a big kid, he's enough to cope with', which is perfectly true.
Hope everyone's OK...
xxx


----------



## waikiki

Big hugs to you all ladies     I know how hard it is to deal with friends' babies.  I had been enjoying a bit of a lull in the pg announcements recently, only for a good friend of mine to text me last week to say she is expecting number 2.  Could have done without that just as I was in the middle of tx, because no matter how hard I try not to let it get to me, it always makes me upset.  Now another friend who had a baby in February that I still can't face going to see has suggested that a group of us (including the pg friend) should have a get together as its been a while.  I'm blanking the email at the moment, because if miracles of miracles I get a BFP with this cycle then I'll be able to handle it, but if I don't then there's no way I'm going anywhere near either of them.  I know that sounds terrible, but I just have to do whatever I can to protect myself these days.  So the fact that you are all still seeing your friends with babies means that you are stronger, better women than I am.

SL4E - thanks for the good luck wishes hun.     I had ET on Friday and currently have 3 embies from a super-fertile 24 year old donor on board.  On the one hand I am hoping that with such super eggs this has to be my time, on the other hand am terrified that if I can't get a BFP with these eggs then I never will.     Only on day 6 of the 2ww so trying to keep myself busy for now.

Beth - Good to hear that you have a definite date to head out to Athens!    

  to  you all.

waikiki


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Waikiki      , congratulations on being PUPO. I tend to separate my contact with bumps & babes into the categories of 'deserved' ones, and those given to the ultra-fertile, drop- their- knickers- once sorority. I can cope with the first, just. I am truly thrilled for my 2 friends who are due the 1st week in July, as they have been thro hell to get there, the others get the fake smile, if they're lucky. Hope you know I'll be just ecstatic when you get your BFP.
LTW, hope you're enjoying your last night of booze and romance   
Beth, hope the week flies by, but no so fast that you don't get everything done.
Lil One, hope you've had an indulgent weekend with lots of TLC
Kat, how are you? 
Wobs, Coweyes, HBK, Bub, Loopymoo and everyone else who's drooping by to read, lots of love xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Other peoples babies are so tough, we generally avoid them whenever possible, apart from those we can't.  Had to visit the bro, sil and nephew yesterday, feels so false grinning and wishing the time to go...   I do know your pain, ladies.

Waikiki - sending   to you and your on-board embies  

Hi to everyone else, I am sorry, have been a bit absent.

Afm I fear I have got a bit sad and low, I know the chances of it working are never that high, but after 4 fresh cycles, this time with great embies, I wonder what could change in the future.....still....we go on  

Have great weeks lovely ladies

Lil' one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Babies and pregnant women  theyre just everywhere to rub our faces in the sadness of it all. One of us has to make it to join them soon  surely?

Fingers crossed were in for a run of good luck  weve all had far too much bad luck  praying Waikiki will start a run of good news  

Ive just realised its our 7 year anniversary of ttc this month  about to change my signature  how depressing  

Love to everyone x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW,   , we've been ttc for 7 years too..

My plan to be straight back on the rollercoaster has gone tits up. Had a review in the orthopaedic clinic today, for results of MRI scan, and have been booked for surgery on June 7th. Just    he can salvage my kneecap with a bit of snipping and stitching, otherwise it's a partial knee replacement   . Need surgery to left knee too, but that's not urgent, and can be done later in the year. I had an op last year on my knee, different hospital, which was supposed to have removed 3 'foreign bodies' from my knee. They did such a good job-not- that I now have 4 bits in there, and it's degenerated more. I now have to grovel to the lovely doc in Czech about delaying a few weeks, I'll only need 2 weeks convalescence til my stitches come out   .


----------



## waikiki

LTW & SL4E, it will be 7 years for me next month too.  Let's hope that 7 is our lucky number!    

SL4E - sorry to hear that you've had to delay your tx plans and that you'll need more surgery on your knee.  Just   that your doctor can get you ship-shape again soon.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Here's hoping the 7 year club becomes the BFP club this year x x x 

Hope the waiting isn't driving you too crazy Waikiki x x x 

Knee op sounds nasty SL4E, your clinic sound good so sure they'll be understanding about the need to delay x x x 

On phone so sorry for typos! Take care everyone x x x


----------



## bethholm

SL4E - sorry re knee op   . Fingers and toes crossed for your next trip over   .

Waikiki- so sorry that I missed you out at Serum!

AFM- know what you mean re being surrounded by babies. I went into Tescos the other day and it was wall to wall baby city. I cut my thumb on Friday right through the nail and ended up howling over the sink, holding my thumb tight under the tap. As I am on clexane and blood thinners, when I cut myself, it bleeds quite a lot too. What didn't help was the fact that there was a sad song on my MP3. All I could think of was all the pain I had put my body through over the last 3 and a bit years and more importantly, nothing to show for it at all. I fly out on Friday for DEIVF transfer on Saturday (I think Peny is doing a day 3 and day 5 transfer which is a first for me!) and I am worried sick now that even though I have moved on to DDIVF, it will never work    . Please let all our luck change soon on here   .

Much love
B x


----------



## waikiki

Into the second week of the 2ww and bang on cue the madness has begun.  Logged into ******** this morning only to be slapped in the face by my friend's baby scan photo, got into work and nearly bit the head off my very pg colleague whilst discussing arrangements for her maternity cover (OK so she is being very whingey and annoying at the moment, but I literally could have decked her).  It's only 10am and I'm already losing my mind


----------



## Nordickat

Lots of luck Waikiki.

I just popped on to say a final good bye. I'm not going to post on here any longer. I will never be able to move on if I'm still on here talking tx. New people will keep on joining our little group and mean as this sounds, I just can't face the supportive roll with no end in sight for me. I'll be here forever since I'm not having any more tx so I need to get out now I think. I'm always on pm or email for a chat (although I'd rather nobody asked me my opinion on tx stuff   ), I just don't want to post publicly any more. Its time to look out for me I guess, selfish as it is, I need to get myself in a better place and come to terms with my empty future before I can find the energy to say all the right supportive things to others. I will be browsing to keep my eye on all of you but no more posting.

Take care of each other, 
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Kat,      You will be missed. Of course you have to look after yourself, totally understand. Huge thanks for all your loving wisdom x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Put yourself first and take care Kat. You were a god send for me when I first arrived here and I will always appreciate the support you gave. I will miss you but completely understand. Lots of love  

Hang on in there Wakiki – clearly not a good day today! Praying and hoping for you  

Hi Beth – good luck this weekend, hope everything goes smoothly. Hope we can manage to meet up when you’re back too x x x 

Hi SL4E and everyone else too x x x


----------



## coweyes

nordickat


Totally understand, please take care of yourself. xxxxx


----------



## Yellow38

Hello Ladies,

Hope you don't mind me crashing... but I have just stumbled across this thread and have felt so sad reading some of your posts...you will see from my sig that I have been ttc since 2006 and have had lots of despairing times, none more I don't think than the last tx where we actually got to blast, but still ended up with a BFN.  The fall from a seemingly positive cycle feels so much worse it seems, and that feeling that you are becoming part of a club you don't want to be part of (that is serial IVF'er with nothing to show for it), is very distressing - it seems right now that IVF success stories only apply to other people.

I too have had the pain of friends being pg - my best friend of 15 years who never wanted kids etc etc was the worst situation I have had to face.  Our relationship has almost been destroyed by my infertility.  I think it is true to say that it probably will never be the same again even though we now do see each other (though I have not seen the baby since it was a few days old, and don't really intend to).

I often wonder what it is we have done wrong in life to deserve this...I'm sure you have all felt the same at some point.  My DH and I have been together nearly 20 years and would die for one and other, and I know we would make great parents, but instead the last 5 years has brought us heartache and pain having lost a parent, and both of us having serious health issues to deal with on top of what is now 6 years of IF hell.  It is indeed hard to not become very "poor me" and bitter and twisted about it all.

One thing I wouldn't mind a view on is that we have put our house on the market because I have felt over the last few months that the house is unlucky...I know it might sound crazy and I am not the type to go to clairvoyents or anything like that, but I can't shake the notion that whilst we are here we will not have good luck.  It is such a shame as our house is lovely and when we moved here 10 years ago I honestly thought we would never leave and so I feel angry that this horrible thing that has happened to us has even made me feel like I don't love my home any more, but in the last 10 years (and particularly the last 5), we do seem to have had more than our fair share of bad luck.  A few months after moving in here I had a burst appendix but in the run up to it was ill for several months (by the time it was discovered I was very poorly and the appendix had disintergrated).  When I was discharged from hospital I can remember my neighbour saying to me "ooh I do hope this isn't an unlucky house for you", which for many years I didn't really think about, but I certainly have done more and more over the last few months.  We've been on the market now for 6 months but still haven't sold - it appears this is another thing in our life that we have no control over.  Am I just looking for something to blame I ask myself? - probably.

So to the future, well we are going to have aCGH in the next few weeks - have done pretty much every other test that is appropriate and although some L1, 2 immunes discovered, none of it was that significant and so I am now thinking that we need to know if we really do have any viable embies - if we don't, then what is the point of continuing to throw money down the drain and above all else continue to put yourself through the emotional heartache of tx?

Anyway, I didn't really intend this to be a long post about me and my woes (though you know what it's like when you get started), but I guess it might help to reinforce that there are other ladies that are out there in this unfortunate club.

I wish you all well, and knowing what you are all going through, my heart goes out to you.
Yellow x


----------



## bethholm

Yellow-welcome to this wonderful thread.Despite there being lots of sad news on here,the ladies on here are truly the best and it feels like home.

Longtimewaiting-can't wait to meet up when I get back.Are you around Saturday or Sunday 19th/20th?

Wobs-Hope school hell is ok.SATs week for my angels next week and I'm cycling.Of all the weeks of the year to leave an unstable bunch of kids...

Kat- completely and utterly understandable.You will be terribly missed but I'll keep in touch.Massive massive hugs.

AFM-fly out Friday- trying not to think about getting back onto the rollercoaster (as if I ever got off!) Nearly four years of TTC,I am much heavier in weight due to the meds, my hair is much darker (due to the fact I can't afford the highlights anymore oh and my hairdresser has just had her 3rd baby),I've spent in excess of £46,000 with nothing to show for it and more importantly,none of my 7pairs of so**ing jeans fit over my a***.... You have to smile at the insanity of it all.

Keep the faith ladies.Much love to you all.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth,      safe journey, problem-free stay and just keep thinking you'll need maternity jeans soon - for the right reason of course, I'm just naturally dumpling shaped   
Yellow, hello hun. We sold a house before we even started the TTC rollercoaster cos we felt it was unlucky/unsettled, we'd even had our minister round to pray there, and he said he felt something 'occulty'. Luckily for us it was early 90's before the market crashed, and it sold within a week at a profit, so I don't think it's a daft notion at all, but the lack of a sale is probably a lot more to do with the markets at the moment. If my next cycle doesn't work, then it's going to be either give up - or sell the house to finance more. 
Waikiki,   , not too much longer, and you can start the long-awaited run of BFPs. 
AFM, clinic brilliant, just got to let them know as soon as I'm up again after the op.
Wobs, LTW, HBK, Coweyes, Bub, Lil One, Looymoo, Kat, Moog..everyone


----------



## wobs

Kat     Will miss you but totally understand where you are coming from.  You have been an absolute star and given so much support and wisdom to soooo many, me included.  You take care of yourself and remember that quote that I always get wrong- about it being alright in the end   Keep in touch and take care

Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hi everyone, just popping in to see if there's any news from waikiki or Beth.
Hope all is well with everyone - thanks to DH and his boundless enthusiasm, not to mention big mouth, I now have to bake Jubilee cupcakes for a church garden party, and help him get a tombola running on the day.
Good luck for the week ahead, at least at the weekend we have some control of what we do & who we meet x


----------



## waikiki

SL4E - thanks for thinking of us hun.      Still no news from me as OTD isn't until next week, but I have no symptoms whatsoever, so can't help thinking that it hasn't worked again.  I know you'll all tell me not to read anything into that, so I'll try not to think about it and carry on in blissful ignorance for a few more days.

Beth - hope that you're doing well hun.    

Love to you all lovely ladies.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Kat...good luck on your journey, thank you for the support you have given me  

Waikiki - hang on, try not to worry  

Beth - hope the flight was ok,  

Yellow - welcome, I hope we can help you  

Afm had appt back at gynae unit on thurs to discuss hysteroscopy, seen by reg who didn't have a clue what was happening with me, but luckily I knew what needed to be done.
Do you ladies know if hystero can be done at any time of cycle?
Also have appt for repeat hsg, will tell us if the remaining tube is ok, difficult one... 

Hope you're ok out there,

Have a good week,

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi Lil One,
Sounds like a typical gynae appt    Theoretically, yes, it can be done at any time, I've had one done on day 2, luckily I was asleep, it had been booked for ages, so went ahead, although some surgeons won't do them while you're bleeding. May be worth asking someone who's had a hysto at Serum in Athens when they do theirs, as it's specifically for fertility investigations over there x


----------



## waikiki

Lil' one - I had a hysto at Serum in February and Penny recommnded that I have it done between the end of AF and ovulation.  Hope that helps.


----------



## bethholm

Hi wonderful ladies

A quick one from me- embies now on board and making my long way back to the West Country via Heathrow airport.I don't get in until 11.30 tonight so I've put together a gluten free picnic from good old M&S and I'm hoping to catch the last part of The Good Wife Season 2 on my laptop if the coach isn't full of students! 

Waikiki-gutted to have missed you out there.Keeping everything crossed for you next week.

Will catch up on everyone's news tomorrow and send a more personal reply.

Love as ever to 'the family.'

B x


----------



## kyliejade

Hey ladies can i join? unfortunately its the end of the road with my first cycle. Been bleeding heavily and awful intense cramps and this is before my OTD so feeling :-( that i didn't even make it that far. Just wondering how long you need to leave between cycles? xx


----------



## waikiki

It's another BFN for me ladies - not surprised really, it's all that I ever expect now.  Feeling kind of numb at the moment and wondering if it's really worth carrying on when I have still never had a BFP after 8 rounds of tx.  

Sorry to bring you all down - hope that you're all doing OK and sending bucketloads of     to Beth.


----------



## bethholm

Waikiki- B****cks. I am soooooooooooo soooooooooooooooo sorry             . I am sending you such massive hugs my love. I often find that a plan b helps me to refocus. Hope that helps.

B xxxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies
Waikiki - i am so sorry, have been wondering how you got on   
There is hope after failed cycles, after my recent negative i read about lots of success stories......  
Welcome to kyliejade but hoping you are not becoming a member of this club, you haven't got to OTD yet....  .  Clinic can advise re time between cycles, i think it's normally ok to go again after one clear cycle.
Beth - safe travelling with that precious cargo   .  Elbow the students in the ribs if they get too annoying, or develop an annoying twitch or sniff   
SL4E - how are you doing? Thanks for the hystero advice   
AFM trying to turn the corner back onto the tracks again, with help from DH, he is amazing   .  I have done my pre-admission prep for hystero, but have FU at Create next week, so will see what they say.  Also waiting to hear re moving house, new build so get two weeks notice to go......convenient   
Lil' one


----------



## kyliejade

Today was my OTD.. obviously BFN and i've been bleeding so much been on the phone to the hospital where i've had treatment and they didn't even bother getting back to me yesterday or today (so far) so im well annoyed at their lack of "care". Been right down in the dumps, just dunno what to do with myself.

Waikiki - so sorry to hear of your bfn.. *mega hugs* chin up, your time will come!

We all deserve a bfp.. we just need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try and try again til we get what we are owed.. that healthy baby! *hugs* to everyone xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Waikiki,      so sorry
Welcome KylieJade, sorry about your news too   
Life sucks sometimes x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Kyliejade - i am so sorry, it's just horrible   but you're right, and we can help dust each other off   
The clinic don't sound overly supportive, either.  We left our first clinic for that reason....amongst others.....
Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
I was wondering if i can join you? Here is a short history... I've just had Tx no4. 1 and 2 were BFN 3 was BFP but eptopic and no4 was BFP but chem pg! I have a follow up appt on 18th June and i was going to ask for a hystoscopy as they haven't done any tests on me before due to male factor IF. I was also going to ask for recurent MC bloods to be done and a pelvic blood flow ultrasound. This is all from google and before i go in and make a show of myself do you ladies think this is worth asking for?? 

TIA

Jess xx


----------



## kyliejade

Jess - oh so sorry you had to go through that, i was so happy for u when i read u got a bfp (on cycle buddies page) this whole process is real tough isn't it.. *megs hugs* There is a page on here of questions to ask after a BFN.. i'm on my phone so not able to get the link up.. see if you can find it if not i'll look later.

Been to the doctors as requested by the hospital, i've got a low blood pressure and i've gotta go for bloods.. chem pg was also mentioned to me as i've bled so much but i don't even wanna think about that. DH has been sweet and offered me to go for some beauty treatments to try cheer me up abit, i know he means well but nothing will change how i feel. I'm so up and down.. anyone else the same? Hospital said i need to leave 2months between treatment, but as DH works offshore we have to work it around that anyway.
I hope your all doing ok, thinking of you all. xx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks for your lovely post Kyliejade, I knew we had cycled together at some point but couldn't remember which one. 

I'll have a look for the link thanks for that hunni. I'm so sorry your last one didn't work, I used to bleed on day 6 regardless how old the embies were when they went back. Turns out i don't absorb the pesseries properly so i have Gestone injections, maybe worth you asking for it. Also Assisted Hatching helps with implatation too as the shells are often harder then they would be during a natural pg. You probably know all this though. 

Aww bless DH it's so hard for them coz although they feel the sadness as well it's just not the same and when all the drugs leave our systems it's terrible. I know it can't take it away hun but maybe you should have a couple of treatments it might make u feel better for a while at leaset. I had my hair cut off the week we found out and i felt better, we also booked a cheap last min deal just to get away. 

I def know how you feel up and down all the time, even now i still sometimes get upset when i talk about it. I promise you this though, it does get easier and you do learn to move on with it and look to the next one. 

Personally I tend to leave it about 6 months, i think you need time to get over it and so does your body. you have to do it when you are ready hun and no sooner. Time is a great healer and so is talking to your friends and family, they may not know exactly how you feel but most of them will understand your desire for a family. Take some time with DH and DD and enjoy the sunnier months coming up. 

Hope everyone else is ok 
XXX


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone and welcome to all the new ladies on here   .

Not doing too well today as I am feeling really poorly and I am utterly convinced that our cycle # 8 hasn't worked. I know I am not well as I actually cried at work today. It is even harder now that we have moved to DDIVF and it seems that I can only get pregnant when the odds are so stacked against me (1 embryo transferred made by a 40+ year old couple!) Roll on Thursday and then we can start planning number 9   .

B x


----------



## Jess81

oh Bethholm, I'm so sorry     I don't really know what to say... you have already been through it so many times. I hope ur not feeling well because you have got your long awated BFP! xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Beth.. I hope like Jess said its because your actually got your dream and it's a baby in the making.. There are so many I know who have had major emotions crying, screaming feel just down in the dumps and those ladies got a bfp.. Fingers crosses for you as you really have been through the mill and it's your time to get off this rollercoaster now. 

If you don't mind me asking how come you only had 1 and from a 40year old rather than 2 and from a younger peeps.. I don't really understand the donor process but is it because she matched you? X


----------



## bethholm

A big hug to HBK and Jess    for their words of support- it means a lot (but also is another example of why this thread is THE best). 

HBK - the 1 embie I was referring to was the one made by DH and I. The ones that were transferred were the maximum amount allowed in Greece and were made by twenty year olds- hence my frustration when they don't work, compared to my 2 BFPs which were a result of our own!

B x


----------



## waikiki

Awww big hugs Beth    .  I know it's easier said than done, but don't let the 2ww madness get to you.  I soooooo hope that this is your time.  But for now, just get through the day and spoil yourself with something nice over the weekend. 

  waikiki


----------



## pinkpixie

wakki am so sorry      

beth keeping everything crossed for you xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh no Waikiki – I’m so deeply sorry. Such horrible sad news. I’m thinking of you lots   and sending hugs. Damn life is unfair.    

Beth – hang on in there, praying you’re going to be the one to start a run of good news. Look forward to meeting you tomorrow too. 

Welcome to the new ladies – so sorry to find yourselves here.

Hi to everyone – especially SL4E, Wobs, ‘lil one (hope you’ve organised your hysteroscopy ok and good luck with the house move), Hbkmorris, pinkpixe (nice to know you’re still reading!)

My manager had her baby this morning so I’m having to do a good job of displaying a happy face letting everyone know the news – roll on home time because I can’t keep this going much longer. 

Bit worried about going to Athens while Greece is on democratic and economic meltdown but trying not to think too much – it’ll be ok, won’t it?

Mega dose of antibiotics for hidden c ongoing - we're not even half way through the course yet!

This IF lark is a long and draining journey - please can it come to an end soon for all of us??


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies
Sorry for being AWOL for a while....Y6 SATs.....What fun!!!  Phew it is over now.  2 weeks to half term...not that I am counting - honest   

Firstly Waikiki     so so sorry to read your post.  Take care.  This IF business is so unfair.  I'm afraid I don't have any answers   but hope time soon eases the pain.

Beth        

LTW- sure Greece will be ok.  I can imagine it might be a worry - why don't you talk to some other current cyclers to reassure yourself?

Jess - sorry for everything you have been through.  Assume DH has had all the MF tests?  Would always recommend seeing a urologist after several fails.  Have you both had chromosomes tested?  We got this on the NHS.  Think a hysteroscopy will give you reassurance that all is ok - personally haven't heard of many people finding issues - it is recommended you have it as near as possible to a cycle as it may help with implantation.  Have you had immunes tested?  Most GPs do level 1s.  

hi to everyone else.  Off to mark some more papers!!
enjoy the weekend and take care everyone
Wobs


----------



## kyliejade

Jess - sorry for late reply, i decided to stay away from this site for a few days as i hit a low but i'm back again now. Yeah thats true maybe it will help, he booked me in for a massage and facial this week.. and i'm having my hair done, not that it will change the result or anything but i just need to focus on me for a while. Glad having your hair done helped abit  xx 
Yeah i thought 2-3months was abit soon, as much as i wanna jump straight back into it.. i think i need to get over what i've just been through with all the medication and emotional side of things. I'll see what they suggest when we have our review meeting. How you feeling now? *hugs* xx


----------



## waikiki

Thanks for all the hugs ladies, started to feel a bit more human again now.  I have spoken to Penny and we are going to cycle again straight away, while all of the immunes drugs are still in my system so I will be back out in Athens again in a few weeks time - LTW, when will you be going out?


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi wobs and waikiki - on phone so sorry for typos!i met with Beth yesterday and feel reassured that things will be ok in Athens, still worried but Beth's help has been brilliant and im sure we'll be ok. I struggle with the serum thread, so many people and so fast moving i cant keep up! We travel out on 4 June for 4 days. When will you be there Waikiki? Sounds good to try again and benefit from some of the drugs in your system. 

Love to everyone xxx


----------



## waikiki

LTW - not sure exactly when I will be in Athens, it will depend on when my donor starts and how long it takes her to stim.  However, it could be around the time you will be there, I'll keep you posted.


----------



## bethholm

Waikiki - wishing you so much luck sweetheart for your next cycle. Peny advised the same for me and said that I had to cycle straight away for the very same reasons. Keeping everything crossed.

LTW- really enjoyed meeting you yesterday. Let me know if you need anymore info before you fly out or if I can do anything to help ease the worry.

Love to you all.

B x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
Wobs, yes DH has had all the tests and they came up with a low sperm count, we ahve done some investigations ourselves and he is having an op because they think there is a blockage so they are going to see if they can unblock him. Why the fertility clinic didn't do this in the first place we will never know.... it's quite frustrating really!! not had imunes done yet, thats what i am going to ask for at our appt and if they say no i will go to the gp. same with chromosomes. I self funded NK cell testing last year and they took a biopsy of my lining and it came back with slightly hightened NK cells. 

Kyliejade, no it won't change the result hun but if it makes you feel a bit better even for half an hour surely thats better then nothing? See what the clinc have to offer you and hopefully you will be happy with the outcome. 

xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Jess   I am sorry for your recent result.  The things you are asking for seem about right to mme...we are in a similar position, just had bfn no 4 although we had a natural ectopic....our follow up is on friday.  

LTW - other peoples babies and pregnancies are the worst, I try to avoid but like you say sometimes all you can do is grin and try and get through the day  

Waikiki and kyliejade - how are you going  

Beth - hope you're ok, nice that you and ltw have met up  

Hi to everyone else  

Afm have been a bit awol, the moving thing has just kicked off and we're due to move mid june, at least we are nearly there  

We have our follow up on friday, I am terrified that one day someone will turn around and tell us to stop trying, we're not ready..... Will be asking re hysteroscopy, immune testing, alternative progesterone support....what else?

Hope you're all ok out there  

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello peeps, 
spent weekend in bed in agony. Had tooth out on thursday, offered root canal + crown, but no guarantee it would work, so went for extraction, and got major infection in socket. Face chubby enough naturally, so with extra swelling looked like a bullfrog. On antibiotics... Had pre-op for knee surgery today, need to be infection free for that. Everything crossed that will go ahead as planned, as can't book cycle til that's over. Knees so creaky, spent most of my last ET   that they wouldn't 'lock' when I tried to get out of the stirrups!
Enough of me!
hello Jess, and welcome  to our cosy cafe.
Lil One, good luck for follow-up, yep, I know what you mean about being told to stop, I get scared of that too.
LTW, sorry to hear you've had to be the smiley-good-news person at work.    that in 9 months time, it'll be YOUR good news flying round.
Wobs, bet you're feeling it cos half term is a week late with the jubilee
Pinkpixie, lovely to see you, & the 'Team Blue' update on your sig.   
Beth, hun, totally feel for you....& understand what you're saying. I am usually thinking beyond OTD, and looking at flight prices etc rather than the mothercare catalogue. Our turn has got to come soon....
Waikiki, glad things are in progress again
Kyliejade, hope you've enjoyed the pampering
HBK, hiya   
Let's sprinkle some    it's about time it worked for us!


----------



## Jess81

Hi girls,
Just a quick one from me! 
Lil one have u asked about assisted hatching? That could def be a good one to ask for. I he gestone injections which is progesterone, I won't lie and say they don't hurt but u soon get used to them after a couple. 

Thanks for all the lovely welcomes xx


----------



## bethholm

Bugger-started spotting very slightly (brown ) and on day 12 so guess it's too late for implantation bleeding.It's really odd as I've never spotted before when I've taken pregnyl as a luteal support on 6 of my 8 cycles and I've always bled 2 days after OTD (which would make it Saturday). 

B x


----------



## waikiki

Stay strong Beth - not sure if you saw that one of the ladies on the Serum thread last week had bleeding a few days before OTD, thought it was too late for implantation, only to get her BFP!  That fat lady ain't sung yet hun.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Beth
Just   that  this is not a bad sign for you....you say yourself that it's odd......I hope it is a boystrous little embie  

Thinking of you,

Lil one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth, brown blood = old blood, so it was kicked out of place a few days ago, when those little ones were bedding down.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Beth

SL4E has hit the nail on the head.. Com'on girl keep up that      three days and counting and alot of      xx

Hello to everyone else, hope your ok and enjoying the sun xx


----------



## AUSSIE1

Hi Everyone hope you are all ok?

I don't pop up very often but at the moment I am in need of a chat!!!!

Today is Day 1 of my 5th fresh ICSI cycle and I am finding it very hard to be positive! This will be out last go using DH TESE sperm sample and I am dreading it all ready.    Usually I can remain positive but I think that because it is ‘last chance saloon’ for us I feel very depressed. To make matters worse I see to be surrounded by pregnant women and other people’s babies at the moment (they are everywhere I look) and I feel a bit bitter……..well quite a lot bitter.     

Any suggestions of how I can kick myself out of this and get some PMA?  

Lots of love and luck to you all.   

Aussie


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hang in there Beth  

Hi everyone and welcome to Aussie1 and Jess81.

I'm all set for Athens and stress levels are rising - I upset someone at work today which in turn upset me!

Hope everyone else is doing ok (think my yoga dvd may be in order tonight). x x x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Welcome to Aussie1 ,   this is your turn, it only takes one!   
LTW safe travelling, don't think about that work thing, it's all over....  
Beth - how are you going?   
Hi to everyone, enjoy the sunshine
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Thanks for the wonderful words of encouragement ladies-they mean a lot especially from you all.

Just a quick one from me as I will post more personals tomorrow,still very very slight spotting but only a couple of times today and very brown blood.I have a massive headache and felt really sick tonight but my luck is so bad that although Peny says that it's implantation blood,I'm scared to get my hopes up after such a difficult journey; something that you ladies sadly on here more than understand.

B x


----------



## kyliejade

Got my review apt through for the 7th June, hopefully get some answers and I'm gonna quiz the doctors. For dr and progesterone has anyone done the injection form? I'm thinking about asking for that next time. Hope your all doin ok and keeping your spirits up. Hugs x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Beth.. Chin up and keep the faith my dearest buddy x 

Kylie.. I was going with the prontogest progesterone injection (the country doesn't have) but after such a faff I can only have this if I pay private which to me is a kick as I pay for all my treatment and my gp nor cons will give me a px for it so I'd have to pay a private consultant for a private px! So I've opted for 3 cyclogest a day as Penny believes this is more than enough progesterone. Oh and I'm also having bloods every 4 days after transfer to check levels. 

Make sure you've got your long list written down for your apt.. Good luck xCx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Kylie, 
I have the Gestone injections. They are ok but DH has to do them for me as they go in your bum! I had them and got both my BFP's with them so we believe that it was part of the problem. 

Jess xx


----------



## pinkpixie

beth keeping everything crossed for you


----------



## Hbkmorris

Jess, where did you get the Gestone from as I've tried and no where has them. I have a px for them to!

x


----------



## Jess81

hbkmorris, there was a shortage as there was an issue with maufacturing but they should be back in stock now. I get mine from the clinic but they get them through central homecare, phone number is *01420-543400* or you can email them on *[email protected]*

hope you manage to get it hun.

Jessxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thanks Jess

I've just called them and they only have 50mg which means i'd have to inject twice!! Not sure I can face that thought as I'd have to do it myself aswell as my DP works away so much.. I'm going to speak with my consultant and see what he says 

I can't believe they've got some as I've been wanting some since last December and once I found out why there was a shortage I panicked xx

Congrats by the way xx


----------



## kyliejade

Thank you im defo gonna ask.. though we have been lucky to be funded for 3 cycles (2left) so not sure i'll be able to get it unless i pay for it, which isn't a problem.. but i'll ask anyway when i go for my review appointment.

 xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Beth - wishing you all the luck in the world tomorrow xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hbk Morris, 
I have to inject twice daily, i think u would be able to have bigger syringes and combine 2 of the vials. I'm not going to lie and say they don't sting sometimes, but i hardly feel them now. 

Kyliejade, it's def worth an ask hunni. 

Jess xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Jess do you do them yourself? That's the bit that's frightening me the most.. I'm not the best with needles so to do it where I can't see it is even more of a concern x


----------



## bethholm

Hi ladies - thanks for your lovely messages re my wobble earlier this week and OTD.

AFM- had a huge dilemma this morning as I went to bed just before midnight as I didn't want OTD to come and therefore went to the toilet around that time.Of course I had to wake up at 2.30am two and a half hours later desperate for the toilet!The dilemma was to either to test with 3 hour urine or wait until our alarm goes off at 6am and test with three and a half hour urine (both weak!)Anyway DH made the decision and we have a positive.I'm being very cautious with this as I've had 2 MMCs and I'm trying not to get my hopes up,but at least that is one hurdle down.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning Beth, what a fab start to the day, congratulations, you so deserve this.     for the coming weeks xxx
  to everyone. 
HBK, I'm not a million miles away from you, and I've given plenty of injections in my time if you have any probs!


----------



## coweyes

Beth that's brilliant, I guess taking each day at a time is the only thing you can do.

Sorry I don't post here very often but tbh I don't have much to say! I am just about roster treatment on saturday, but I need to sort my head out before hand, as it's all over the Place! I really need to sort myself out or else I am not going to cope with this!


----------



## pinkpixie

beth so pleased keeping everything crossed for you    that these ones stay xxx


----------



## Jess81

HBK, my hubby does them but i guess if i was a lot smaller i would be able to reach to my bottom and do them in the mirror. A friend of mine did them in her leg a few times and said they wern't too bad. The trick is to warm it because it's oil based so i stick it down my bra for 20 mins then it goes in much easier. 

Beth... Congrats Hunni, i'm    this one sticks for you this time. 

Hope everyone else is ok. 

Jess xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Brilliant news Beth xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Beth

I told you to hold on tight.. Woooohooo congratulations to you both.. I'm absolutly thrilled for you as this is your dream and it's come true. Listen you've had all the unlucky luck and now is the time for some good luck so I shall remain giving you       and I shall continue      for the next 9 months. Super Duper xxx

SL4E.. Hello my little angel, where do you live then? I'm just outside Birmingham by Sutton Coldfield?! I'm scared as I'm not sure they can do bigger syringes so I can draw up the gestone into one and the thought of injeting myself as I am a large lady is worrying me a tad!

xxx


----------



## waikiki

Yay, congratulations Beth!!  I understand your caution, but I agree with hbk that all of your bad luck should now be behind you.     that this is the one!!


----------



## longtimewaiting

How are your bloods Beth? Hoping for good numbers. This has to be the start of a good run for the Veteran ladies. About bl**dy time too! 

Love to everyone xxx


----------



## bethholm

I so hope that I am the start of something good on here too    .

I am still waiting for my results after a very shirty email off my surgery receptionist stating that she doesn't have the time to 'chase up one person's blood test' as she has staff down and that I should have requested an urgent response through the GP. Well if Ihad bl***y known that I would have rather than to be preached to by a mere receptionist. She gave me the phone number for the lab at RD&E and said that they had agreed to give me my results over the phone. When I contacted them, they said that this was incorrect and it was against hospital protocol and to go back to my surgery (and the shirty woman). Anyway,I did this and got an earful off the receptionist who then told me that the lab would no longer be processing any blood tests as I had had private treatment 'AND abroad.' I must admit my hormones got the better of me and I ended up telling her exactly why I was in the position of having to have private IVF and abroad. Anyway, I rang the lab back again (all this when I was supposed to be taking assembly!) and the deputy manager agreed to phone them through for DH to pick up tonight. I didn't want to phone the surgery back and hear any bad results! What a palava and so not needed!

B x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies
Beth - woo hoo   i am so pleased for you.  re the receptionists, i think it's just another hurdle for us.....and for the lab to say that because you've been abroad they wouldn't give you more support, i imagine, like us, you have paid into the system for years and absolutely deserve financial support, there are plenty of other people they could look at first, in my opinion   .  Anyway, good that you got the result you needed.
We had our follow up today, i was so frightened they'd say....well four goes...you may as well give up, but the opposite, they were very positive, answered all my queries - most of them before i had asked the questions - and we have a plan.....hystero mid July (in luteal phase) and short protocol in August, with crinone rather than cyclogest due to early bleeding, they didn't want to give me injections due to high risk of OHSS.......having more bloods too ie immunes etc, but they don't think there's a risk, but just to tick all boxes.....
I hope you're all ok and enjoying the sunshine, i am just off on the bike....
Lil one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth fingers crossed for fab numbers     to that receptionist. Same thing happened to me 2 years ago, amazingly GP agreed to bloods, but Healthcare Assistant flatly refused to take my blood, & gave me a pee pot. Who employs these eejits?
Lil One, so pleased you had a positive and supportive appointment.
 to all x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Congrats Beth    and hello to everyone else.... warning rant is next!

I've not posted on here much recently as I've been trying to distance myself from the whole IVF rollercoaster ride but just when I think I'm ok....bam, another pregnancy announcement! This one is no.8 amongst close family and friends for this year............ OMG, really not sure how I'm going to get through the rest of my life with this torture    

Sorry about that ladies, rant is now over......

Anyone got any tips for boosting a zero PMA?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Loopymoo, hiya hun, here's a   
I'm not very good on the PMA any more, but wine & chocolate have medicinal properties for sure. 
I had some paperwork come through for my knee surgery, including a copy of some guidelines as to why pregnancy tests have to be done pre-op on pre-menopausal women.....oh the irony! They never believe me when I tell them the Virgin Mary will conceive again before me...


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies   
Beth - how are you doing?   
Loopy - other people preganancies are the worst........of course you are happy for them, but it always stings just a little......i know that other people know about the sting too, which makes it harder    
How is everyone else out there?   
AFM ok, but have a little dilema......as you know we had out f/u on friday, we discussed hystero which i am very happy about, but since my ectopic (2 years ago) i have never found out about the other tube.  Previous HSG was fine, but i have been told i probably have adhesions due to the internal bleeding as it ruptured.  So, my dilema is that i really want to know what is happening with the other tube.  We TTC in the months not going through cycles, and pschychologically i just want to know what's happening with my body.  The Dr on Friday thinks HSG is not the right way to go, and said if i really want to do something, then to do laparoscopy instead of hysero, but then i'm concerned it doesn't have the same positive affect on the next cyce.  Any advice would be much appreciated.
Enjoy the sunshine ladies   
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello everyone,
hope it's been a relaxing weekend all round.
Lil One, I can't understand the logic of a laparoscopy, all that would show above the hysto would be any evidence of endometriosis in the cavity, and maybe whether your tube is 'tethered'. As far as checking whether it's still open, I think they would still have to run dye through it, in the same way as HSG. They could maybe try to 'unblock' it via the lap at the same time, but they could also offer that option after HSG.
I have a busy week ahead, including going for a scan with a heavily pregnant friend. Yep, you've read that right! She is a very special friend, and this is tx#17, so a much deserved pregnancy, and one I'm truly delighted about. Plus, she has always been really skinny, and I want to see her fat


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi 'lil one - I have very limited understanding but I asked Penny at Serum if it was possible to check my tubes during my hysto in a couple of weeks (wondering if donor iui may ever be an option for us) and she said 'The tubes can partially be checked during hysteroscopy. We get a good idea if the tubes are patent because of the images of the ostia and the water found in the douglas after the hysteroscopy. Remember to ask me this question after your hysto'. Hope that's helpful. 

Hi everyone else, especially Beth, SL4E and Loopymoo. 

Love to all, hope you've all been enjoying the weather, we've had dinner at the coast in sunny Devon and Cornwall 3 days in a row! Xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Is everyone OK?
One more sleep, teachers, and its half term!
Had day in London with my pregnant friend, and went to her scan, and it was a really lovely moment, and felt privileged to share it cos I truly know what its cost her to get there. She's also one of the few people who know about our journey, and it was so nice to have an honest discussion about the donor stuff, and feel totally comfortable.
Tomorrow would have been my daughter's 21st birthday, I'm going to be so busy tomorrow til Sunday that I won't have too much time to be weepy. I'm so glad these Jubilees only happen every 10 years, it'll take me that long to recover by the time we've finished.
Love to everyone xx


----------



## coweyes

Seemslike4eva


How lovely you must be such close friends, what a privilege.  I hope the next few days are not too painful. xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

SL4E - so sad, 21 years, thinking of you today. 

We finished our hidden c antibiotics today, thank goodness. Feeling very nervous about our trip to Serum next week, we fly on Monday so got the weekend to sort our my hot weather wardrobe. Hoping it's the start of better times but also unable to get my hopes up too much. 

Very quiet on here at the moment - hope everyone's ok. 

LTW xxx


----------



## bethholm

SL4E- thinking of you today too.

LTW - repeat after me 'Peny is my missing jigsaw piece' x 1000.


B x


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Sorry I've been awol.......it's half term now....yipppeeee!!!

Bethholm....suuppper doooooper news       Keeping everything crossed for you

SL4E   

Hi everyone else.
Hopefully more posts this week, once reports are written!

Wobs


----------



## hazel23

Hi lady's I don't no if I'm in the right place but iv had 2cycles of icsi that were both BFN sorry if I'm not in the right place I'm thinking of having FET in a few mouths  so hopefully fingers crossed this time iv being trying 9years this year I have pcos and dp has Ickey sperm I'm sorry again if I'm in the wrong place thank you


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone 

Still very quiet on here – hope you’re all doing ok.

Hello to all the regulars - SL4E, Beth, ‘lil one, wobs, hbkmorris, pinkpixe, Waikiki, LoopyMoo, Coweyes and anyone else reading. Let us know how you’re all getting on.

Hi Hazel23 - so sorry about your BFNs, always so sad. Best of luck with your FET.


We’re just back from our trip to Serum in Athens and it all went ok - and we had a lovely time sightseeing too! Athens is an amazing place.

We liked Penny’s calm approach, everything she said made sense and the hysteroscopy was worthwhile. I had a blockage from my cervix removed, loads of scar tissue removed and had implantation cuts. Watching the DVD was gross! Penny said the scar tissue would have made it very, very difficult for any embryo to implant and she still has concerns about sperm quality. 

I guess it’s good news we’ve found something and it’s been fixed – very pleased cervix has been sorted too because ET was never easy and I knew that was never a good start for our little embies. Never knew my ‘baby room’ (Penny’s words) was so unwelcoming though. Still can’t quite shift my sadness about all the heartache we’ve been through to no avail. 

Time to look to the future now - we want to keep an open mind and go with the flow but I’m not sure about Penny’s suggestion of using DH sperm and donor sperm and transferring one of each – IF we were lucky enough to get a BPF I think it might drive me crazy not knowing which one made it. 

We’ve been thinking about giving DH sperm another go (should be better now we’ve shifted hidden c and ureaplasma infections) but using donor sperm with half the eggs (depending on how many we get) and freezing any of those embryos. What do you think ladies?

We are still awaiting our immune test results, due Fri, so we’ll talk to Penny again then and make a plan from there. Guess they might come up with compatibility issues and we’ll have to think again. So many things to think about my mind gets a bit muddled!

Anyway, generally feeling more positive than I did but can’t let myself get too carried away.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread but it feels like home here and you ladies are all so helpful, understanding and kind. I really hope it’s ok to get it all out of my head and share with you here x x x


----------



## pinkpixie

longtimewaiting sounds like you have made some positive steps forward and there is nothing wrong with feeling hopeful.  Will keep everything crossed for you.


hi to everyone else hope you are all ok
xx
h


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you pinkpixie. Hopefully things will start looking up for us now. 

How are you? More than half way and it's a boy! Great news! Xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

thanks have been ok still sinking in and still paranoid something will happen


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies   
Pinkpinxie - glad things are going well for you   
LTW - glad you feel you can offload here, totally the right place   . Hystero sounded really positive too, hope the news on Friday enables you to make plans for the next step   .  Let us know what they say.
Wobs - hope you had a good half term, and this term flies by   
Beth - how are you going?   
AFM i have just got back from a HSG , and a good result.  Shows lt tube clear, we feared blockage from lots of bleeding during ruptured ectopic, but it's good.  He also said it looks like i may have a slight septum.  I feel pleased about this which i know sounds crazy, but i always felt there was something we hadn't found....so perhaps there it is?  To be diagnosed and ? removed with the hystero in a few weeks.  So....Create seem to have made the right call again where others failed to....although they didn't seem in favour of the HSG, they recommended hystero which (hopefully   ) will sort things out.
We move tomorrow, so may be off the radar, but thinking of you
Lil one


----------



## bethholm

'Lil one - great news!

Quick one from me- scan tomorrow.Dreading it (which is an understatement in itself!) as I've had 2 MMCs that were diagnosed through scans and it's at the same EPU too. Feel physically ill even thinking about tomorrow.

B c


----------



## lil&#039; one

Beth
I will be thinking of you and   that tomorrow will be a good day for you.
Lil' one


----------



## Kirsty1

Hi lil one how are u finding create? After 3 bfn ivf we rr looking to go private and have an open day at create next month!! X good luck with ur move x


----------



## coweyes

Beth good luck. Xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello everyone, love to you all and good luck Beth.. Thinking of you with lots of excitement xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Have been AWOL having surgery to my knee, now virtually immobile with post-op complications. Have been reading, & wanted to say hi to my special group of veteran buddies. Beth my love, praying all goes well today xx


----------



## Jess81

Beth, really hoping and preying all goes good for you today!! xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi ‘lil one – thank you x x x Good luck with sorting out septum – hoping this is the answer for you - and good luck with the move too x 

Hello to coweyes, hbkmorris, SL4E, Jess81 – hope you’re all doing ok x x x


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone- thanks for all your well wishes.We amazingly had 3 heartbeats on our scan this morning and the hospital is pleased with the sizing of them.It's very early days and I'm very cautious as I've already had one MMC after a HB, so I'm taking it a day at a time.

B x


----------



## Hbkmorris

OMG Beth 3!!!!! How wonderful and exciting.. I can't believe it.. I've a tear in my eye for you. 

Keep your legs crossed & rest as much as you can.

I told you this would be your time and it sounds like you need more nurserys!!! 

Good luck muffin xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Beth, Thats amazing news hun!! Hope all goes well for you over the next few months! 

Jess xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Whoop, whoop Beth! Thrilled for you, praying for a perfect pregnancy. Lots of love to everyone else x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Quick update from me - back in hospital, got to stay over the weekend & have op repeated on monday. I have had a massive bleed into my knee joint, need surgical removal of haematoma. On bed rest over weekend. Back as soon as poss to resume the IF journey x


----------



## wobs

Beth - what suuuupper dooooper news! So pleased for you

SL4E - hope you're not in too much pain and they are able to get it sorted out on Monday.  Poor you!
take care

Wobs


----------



## pinkpixie

beth wonderful news keeping everything crossed
xx


----------



## bethholm

Thanks everyone- I had some bleeding on Friday after my scan the day before and it scared the hell out of me, in fact, I've been a wreck ever since.It seems bleeding after an internal scan and multiple is common.Peny says not to worry but when you go to the toilet and wipe and see blood,your heart stops!!!!

SL4E - so sorry about your knee!!!Hope you are feeling better soon so you can get back on the rollercoaster again!

Love to all my amazing ladies on here. This thread still feels like a family to me,so I will be following you all on your journeys and cheering you on.

Much love

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone

Hi Beth - know how worried you are having seen you today, as you say 'one day at a time'. Please let us all know how things go for you and your 3 little ones 

Hi Pinkpixe - I swear being pregnant is as stressful as tx and it goes on for 9 months continuously! Hope you can enjoy it a little!

Hi SL4E - sorry to hear your back in hospital, hope you're on the road to recovery very soon. Sounds like a nightmare.

Hi to everyone else 'lil one, coweyes, hbkmorris, SL4E, Jess81, wobs and anyone else reading (maybe Kat if you're still reading).

AFM - I got my immune results but couldn't make much sense if them, read the FAQs and felt very thick! Just didn't get it. Anyway I send them to the wonderful agate and she said;

_LAD is good

cytokines are good

HLA is good

NKdim is not good - very high compared to NKbright - probably high killing power and not enough immunoregulation

CD4/8 - suggest the same - not enough immunoregulation

Re me and DH compatibility - you don't have much of a match - that is good. if you have a lot of match, that is bad - its more likely to mean your body fails to understand that an embryo is embryo rather than 'altered self' - one of your own body cells which is damaged in some way and therefore a threat.

he's suggesting you take some steroids for at least 45 days before fertility Tx - flixotide which is an inhaler - one puff a day, and 2 tabs of pred 5mg.

he also wants you on vit D, vit C and/or resveratrol (all supplements from health food shops).

he says to retest your immunes after trying that lot for 45 days but penny never insists on you retesting.

then when you do tx, he suggests antivirals and antibs just in case and some blood thinners - clexane (in case the NK activity causes poor blood flow to the uterus).

he says you don't need the pred after 12 weeks of pg because you don't have much of a dqa match._

I've also sent the results to Penny at Serum and wait to see what she says. Looks like we'll be planning for tx with her in Sept - terrified! Had a tearful day (PMT I think!) and am dreading the thought of getting on the rollercoaster again but at least we have new info to work with.

Love to everyone wherever you are on this horrible journey x x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi ladies,

Can i join please... Info in the siggy, but to cut a long story short, ttc for 5 years,  1 iui and 5 ivfs  some with immunes ( although my immunes are pretty much OK!) and not even a hint of a BFP... And we really don't have a significant reason for not falling pregnant... 
Having a second hysto at serum in september  and i'll take it from there... 

Baby dust to us all!


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar (my fellow Serumite!) welcome to this wonderful thread!Albeit somewhat biased, it is definitely the most supportive thread on FF.

Take care

B x


----------



## waikiki

Welcome Brumbar (I'm another Serumite!  ).  As with all the other lovely ladies on this thread, I am sorry that you have had to join us but hope that we will be able to support you going forward.  I second what Beth has said, the ladies on here are fab because sadly they have all had diffcult journeys but that gives them bucketloads of empathy and good advice.

Beth - I'm sorry that you've been having a worrying time over the past few days.  Remember that Peny knows best, and bleeding is very normal (if terrifying) so try to stay calm.    

LTW - I too remember feeling overwhelmed when I got my immunes results back, but it seems that you have more good results that bad.    I know it all seems pretty full-on, but for Penny it is a familiar routine, so have faith in her.  As you will not be starting until September you have plenty of time for the supplements to help start to get your immunes in check.

Pinkpixie - good to hear from you and glad that everything's progressing smoothly.

SL4E -     It sounds like you've been having a nightmare, I'm so sorry that the op didn't go smoothly.  I   that today's op will finally get everything sorted for you.

AFM - Returned from Athens yesterday after a lovely 4-day stay in the sunshine.    We had ET on Thursday so am trying to keep busy during the dreaded 2ww.

  to all of you lovely ladies (Beth is right, you are the best!  )


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thank you ladies! 

Beth, hope baby triplets are doing well!  
Waikiki, keeping everything x-ed this finally works for you chick! It just has to!!!!

AF finally arrived today after my failed cycle -5 days after stopping prontogest, can you believe it! 

Penny said i need another hysto as  she saw evidence of scar tissue( but she only told me on BFN, which is a bit upsetting as had i known at transfer, i wouldn't have thrown in 5 embryos!!! Instead i would've frozen some as i've never done a frozen cycle!) 
I asked her if embryos we OK, she said they were perfect ( i had 3 best on day 3 and 2 blastos on day five) so i guess its my bloody body failing me! 
So i need to start cordyceps and herbs , continue reservatrol and hysto in september followed  immediately by "Please God, let us be lucky IVF #7"
I will be very open with Penny this time and tell her that if she thinks i have sub- optimal lining she should tell me as it would impact my decision on what to put back in! I cant just keep throwing in perfect embryos and keep getting BFNs! 
Xxx


----------



## JBox

I know I haven't beem on here for ages and half of u don't even know me - but Beth...seriously 3??


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- I can totally understand your frustration re scarring and feeling that you've wasted a cycle.A similar thing happened to me on cycle 4 when Mr G failed to tell me to ovulate out all my immune damaged eggs for at least 4 months after taking humira before I cycled.I had my worse ever cycle with the poorest embryo quality.We didn't have the money to waste on a cycle nor did I really want the unnecessary emotional stress.Fingers crossed that you get everything sorted for your next cycle to give it your best shot.We both know you are at the best clinic for it to happen.

Waikiki- keeping everything crossed for your next cycle with Peny.

Jbox - my dear friend- wonderful to hear from you and hope you are both doing well.Yes it's 3 heartbeats but it's early days and my gut feeling is that I may lose one.Taking it a day at a time at the moment as I'm scared I'll miscarry yet again. I have another scan on Thursday...

LTW- lovely sharing a cuppa on Sunday.Hope you had a good time in the afternoon.Will
email you later tonight where to get your supplements from.

SL4E- hope the knee is on the mend.

Wobs- hope you are not knee deep in reports and Year 6 writing SATs moderation like me!

Love to all you precious ladies.

B x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies   

Sorry for going AWOL, moved house and no internet at home, just sneaking a crafty look during a tea break.....  

Beth - what amazing news, i am so thrilled for you,    that you have a smooth few months ahead   

Kirsty1 - we are loving create, they are our third clinic, my only criticism is that are almost paranoid re OHSS, but it is nasty and they haven't had a case for some time......have you been to the open day?

SL4E - how's the knee? i bet you are itching to get back on your feet, hope the recovery is speedy   

LTW - it is a scary unfair jouney, but it is a positive that you have some more info to work with.  You are cycling just before me.....hopefully   

Welcome Brumbar - i hope the hystero gives you something to work with....we have been told "just one of those things" so many times and it feels so helpless....we also think we have have spotted something and to be confirmed via hystero   

Waikiki - hope the 2ww flies by for you   

AFM nothing else, moving house is enough.....feel it is giving us a new start and some new energy.....IF is tiring!

Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi Everyone, 
Just a quick update from me. I had my follow up yesterday and they have finally agreed to some blood tests and are going to do a HSG... when he said to me u ahve had a HSG haven't you and i responded no he looked very surprised!! does anyone know if this is a normall procedure before any tx?? 

Jess xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi jess, 

I had hsg done as part of my fertility investigation... One of the first tests after bloods and ultrasound! 

Lil'one we kept getting the "bad luck" explaination for ages, my immunes came back pretty much normal so  even dr G told me that, still gave me an ivig for immune support of course  but then after cycle 5 failed he wanted to put me on everything you can think of and in the highest possible doses! This is when i decided that its time to change clinics! 
Lets see what the hysto reveals in September and i'll take it from there, it should've all been ok for this last try .. But ... Bad luck i suppose... I have scaring possibly as a result of the previous hysto! Anyway! Better luck next time! 
I've emailed Penny with some questions to help me prepare for the next cycle, lets see what she has to say!

Beth... I really hope you are doing fine hun, i like the one day at a time approach ...  Praying for you and your little fighters! 

Love to all
Brum


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi again, twice in one day?   

Jess - HSG is hysterosalpingogram - ie an xray examination to look at the uterus and fallopian tubes.
I had one last week.  I am a bit surprised that your clinic have asked for one, as if you aren't using the tubes as a route for the embryo to get to the uterus it's kind of academic....they can probably explain more of the reasons, but that's what it's all about.  It's just a bit undignified....aren't they all?    and you can get a little pain and bleeding. I took paracetamol before mine and drove home happy as larry.

Enjoy the footie..Lil' one


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## Shellebell

new home this way
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=289950.0

Can you please all read my post on the 1st post of the new thread
Ta Muchley


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