# Waiting for next cycle/BFN chatter



## pnkrobin

Shellebell said:


> lots of  for while you wait for your next cycle
> 
> Don't forget the help on this thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=261901.0


Saying a big positive hello and best wishes to all the ladies on here who's last cycle resulted in a BFN (like mine). I went over a friends house for New Year and we opened front door wide to let in new good spirits for 2012. I've never done that before but I guess it will become one our my new traditions. Let's support eachother in the new year with whatever path we need to tread xxx


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## Janey E

Agh thanks Pnkrobin.  You are right we must be positive (am trying).  Wish I had done the same (i was bawling my eyes out at midnight!!!).  I am usually the strong one offering words of advice to everyone else.  Feel  like ive had the wind taken right out of my sails, which is not like me. Need to give myself a kick up the **** and look forward to a new year with new beginnings!!

Hope your year is a good one. 

J
xxx


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## cathryn0308

Hi Both

Janey-sorry you are still bloated. AF arrived this afternoon, so feeling very fed up.  I was also in tears at midnight, I really thought I'd be a mummy this year.

Struggling to be enthusiastic about 2012 at the moment.

xx


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## Janey E

Hi Cathryn

Its the final insult when AF arrives. 

2012 just isn't doin it for me either.  Can't think of anything to be happy about.  Well hun, we're all in it together thats the only consellation.

Message me any time
xxx


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## Aspi

Hi All

Experiencing similar feelings, not had test yet (4th Jan), been so positive and yesterday started to feel the onset of AF, did not go out at all in on own with mum (partner away working) cried half the day away and then today trying to sort out my tax return and got my pre- cursor AF migraine - DP finally turned up at 4 with his kids and not a word to me!! Not even "a Happy New Year or a how are you?" - What a start to 2012!!! Don't think I can face it! I will be strong and get over it, but it would be nice if DP supported and shared some type of empathy!! I just need to get rid of this lump inthe back of my throat! lol 

I wish everyone a very happy and successful New Year and the whole of 2012!!


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## Janey E

Dont be negative yet..... Although I know it is hard, especially when you know your body and the signs of AF. However, Ive read so many comments from ladies who thought they had AF pains and went on to a BFP....
SOmetimes the men dont get the whole female emotion thing.  They can bury their head in the sand but it doesnt mean they dont feel it too, they just dont know what to say... Grrr men..... Women have to be stronger than men becuase we have more to deal with. 
I know exactly how you feel but we are strong and we will get through it.

Sending big hugs and lots of support

Janey 
xxxxx


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## Frangipanii

Hi Ladies, sorry for all your bfns, i obviously know how u feel. But it ain't a negative til it is a negative. So Aspirational, keep your chin a little higher. It does sound like your dp needs to have a word with himself. Mine is annoying me, not sure he has done anything wrong though. Think I am just getting nervous about next lot.
We had bfp and the mmc. We have three frozen embryos and we should be doing that next af. I am.noy good at all jargon. 
To be. honest my mind needs a new ff support. 
i juat want someone to tell me it will be ok and i will be a mum. My life aint exactly simple and even ivf is becoming complex. Is my body inhospitable. Clinic just said see as you nearly got there. Great for them. But does not help me much. 
I have taken time out of my career to have a baby, so imagine the boredom rings with it.
We are all going through much in this and what we want is so simple. Annoys me when i see bad parenting. 

Sorry for rant. Dh has is own problems and I feel quite lonely..
love to u all. 
I wish you all a very positive 2012 and hope this thread does well.


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## Aspi

Thankyou your to for your posts they made me smile and giggle!! Waitingagain, I completely empathise with you and your complicated life and career situation mine is ridiculous too, I have taken too much on as a freelancer and I have to work all over, its nuts and to balance the IVF and travelling has been a nightmare - just to think it may all have to happen again. DP is now cooking my tea though. I totally understand the loneliness thingymajig too, if my DP was a woman it would be so much better, my friend called me yesterday morning as she knew something was wrong and she was straight over to suport, will have to leave it for now as he isthreatening to give my dinner to the dogs!! back soon!! xx


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## cathryn0308

Aspirational-don't give up until you do that test and it is confirmed as negative. People get AF symptoms and then find they are pregnant.

Janey-thanks hun. Getting AF is the final insult, it's almost a slap in the face isn't it! I am so bloated again! Currently in bed feeling crap!

Waitingagain-this is is rocky old rollercoaster, it doesn't seem to get any easier either. It's so frustrating that they can't make further inroads into fertility treatment and improve the success rates further.

I am now having to consider life without kids and I am really struggling with that thought. This is not where I expected my life to be going. 

Hugs to you all
Cathryn xx


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## pnkrobin

It's very hard to keep the chin up I know. I wonder what's that magic ingredient that makes the emb implant and I too have had that thought my body must be inhospitable.  I saw the new year in and was ok but I was really banking on being a mum in 2012 also. My best friend's fiance said to her 2012 is our year babe (as they are excited about getting hitched this year) I immediately thought when is is going to my my year not for getting hitched, I am already, but you know what I mean. Then I came home and was watching Michael McIntyre but was going on about having kids and what it does to your life... I had to switch over. I've had a wobble today and felt all "at sea" this afternoon but managed to keep it together by quizzes on xbox with DH. It's a weird feeling that you have been on this journey and then the journey ends and you think what is in store for us next? 

At least I know I'm not alone in this thinking.

Lots of hugs.xx


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## Frangipanii

So we r all agreed about  the rollercoaster journey. I wonder what i expected. And i often wonder how many times is enough. At present I am not. Ready to quit but i sure can imagine it after this truma. There must be some peace somewhere. As for wobbles,  and weapies i have them daily. I can relate.
My childless plan is to move abroad and  scuba dive everyday.  it dont come close to having children but it is the only plan i can handle.
hugs to you all x


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## cathryn0308

pnkrobin-I also saw the Michael McIntyre thing last night with the whole thing about kids and felt like shouting at the tv-some of us don't have children not through choice! 

People are saying to us are you having another go, but these are all people who have kids and have not been through this themselves. It's not just about the cost, but the emotional and physical toll it takes on you and the fact there statistics for success are not as high as I would like! 

Let's all try and keep each other going over the next few weeks, which I am sure will be very up and down at times.

DH and I have been invited to Cornwall for the weekend, and we thought it would do us good to get away for a couple of days, change of scenery and all that, and it's with a couple if really good friends who won't be talking kids the whole time. I hope that doesn't make me sound grumpy! It will just be time out, drinking wine and eating nice food and talking about all other topics except children.

Enjoy the bank holiday tomorrow-back to work Tuesday :-(

Cathryn xxx


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## Aspi

Cathryn totally agree with you, at the moment I like my friends without children, dont get me wrong I love those with them too but when those people are telling you its hard & if they had their time again they would seriously consider adoption - and some of them went through IUI and IVF! I just want a break from it! And my mates without kids talk about other things I can relate to and to some extent they understand the emotional rollercoaster more than the ones with children. 

Wantingagain - I also empahise with the living abroad thing as I have done it before the only reason I couldn't is that DP has his kids here .....but maybe.....I feel for you and your time will come you have youth on your side, I feel you will definitely get what you want it's just that our roads aren't that straightforward, the thing that does keep me going is that I have done a lot in my life, I know that things are possible and I have had an interesting life with events that have made me stronger and a catalogue to talk about!! lol :-} lets keep our chins up and keep chatting and supporting! xx


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## jen747

Hello ladies,

I'm with you all on the hoping that 2012 is a better year!! I've had one fresh cycle and two frozen cycles this year - all BFNs and am fed up of the two months on, two months off feeling. Only those who have been through ivf can truly understand how it takes over your life and your body. I am so very fed up of having no control over my body or emotions! But I am not quite ready to give up yet either. I love reading other people's signatures and seeing the positive outcomes - it really gives me hope that this might work for us too. 

I think everyone has a point at which they know enough is enough - I know that I am getting close to that but I'm not quite there yet. DH and I have talked alot since our BFN on Christmas eve and have agreed that we will only do one or two more fresh cycles so we know that by the end of this year we will have finished our ivf journey, one way or another.  I've also been having a read of the adoption thread and it is really encouraging to see happy endings on there and that gives me hope that even if the ivf doesn't work we could still get our happy ending through adoption. I just wish it didn't take so long.

Oh, and this weekend my car has broken, our toilet isn't working and my cat had to have an operation! So....surely things can only get better in 2012!!  

xxxxx


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## Aspi

HI Jen  lets hope it does for us all! I am with you on giving it a time limit, I would like to adopt as well (I used to foster) It's just the journey takes two years! my friend actually started her adoption journey at the same time as IVF as she knew she would be adopting anyway (they did not tell the adopt agency) and her IVF journey ended and she adopted a fantastically talented little girl, Do you think the underactive thyroid is a factor? Have they told you anything about it? The only thing I have heard is the threads on here that it may play a factor in not implanting.....my DP has said he will have a reversal - I would like him to do this in tandem with another round of ICSI!! The next thing is looking into cost and the best place to do it!!! EEKKK! What a lot of work for 2012! Hugs and happiness to all xx


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## Shellebell

lots of  for while you wait for your next cycle

Don't forget the help on this thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=261901.0


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## CeeDeeBee

Hello all,

I just wanted to say a big thanks for sharing all your stories as I am hoping for a New Year New Start too and totally up for letting the good spirits in pnkrobin! In fact I'm going to try alternative therapy as a way to focus away from the drugs for a bit and 'ushering in spirits' is part of it. I'm a bit fed up of the new ways and pharmaceuticals so up for looking back at the old ways..and find some peace along the way.

Jen I completely agree with what you say about treatment being all consuming, mind and body. Although i've done medicated IUI rather than ivf, I found the daily multiple injections, pessaries, extra hormone tablets and up to the clinic every other day for at least a third of the day..really takes over..that's without the actual effects of the drugs. I am only just feeling clear of all them all emotionally (started in November, ended Dec 9th) but still have terrible skin, thinning hair (and I am SURE loads of grey from the upset). I cried so much in Dec 11 and am not going to pursue another medicated cycle until I'm ready. 

Waitingagain I too have made massive changes with my career, gearing up to having a family 4 years ago by going self employed so I could be at home more. Although it's been good to be at home with all the yukky side effects, being on 0% productivity has meant that I've had to close my business and start a new venture that demands less of me.  That was never in the plan :-/ I am really positive about my new start though and nothing like a new business to take your mind off things.

cathryn0308 - Yep, you're so right, don't think anybody can understand unless they've been through it..was only saying that today to my DH who, luckily, is just the most amazing support. Imagine how much empathy people would have if they could just see what it's like even for just one day...not sure if they'd be so quick to suggest 'having another go' eh!

Anyway..thanks for all the support..it really does keep me going dropping by here and realising I'm not on my own..it can feel very lonely sometimes.

Lots of luck and here's hoping 2012 is a special and peaceful year,

Cee x


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## jen747

Hello ladies,

CeeDeeBee - I have to admit that I have little knowledge of IUI (as it wasn't an option for us) and naively thought that it was easier that ivf - given that you seem to have been on all the drugs I think I was wrong! In fact it sounds like you had to have more appointments than I did on either my fresh or frozen cycles. Tbh the injections really aren't that bad and the side effects of all the drugs are definately the worst part of ivf.

cathryn0308 - I completely understand your post. I find it hard to explain to people just how difficult it is. It is impossible to explain how draining it is and how even when you are telling people you don't think/expect it has worked there is still that little ray of hope deep inside which makes it hurt even more when you get that negative. I find working whilst going through this hard and no one understands how it feels to try and work through all this nonsense!

Aspirational - I take medication now for my thyroid which should stop it being a problem - it is now controlled and within the right levels for conception.....so it seems that it's not that!! I don't know how your friend got away with not telling the adoption agency - did she go abroad for tx? Normally they look at all your medical records so you can't hide it!

Hello to eveyone else. How are you all getting on? Coping with being back at work??

xxxx


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## Lizzie C

Hi Ladies,

I had my first cycle in Nov 2011 ended in BFN in December.I am now waiting paitiently for April to come around to start again,it feels like forever,I have 2 attempts left on NHS and have to fit them in before my 41st birthday,hope i only need to use 1.  to all you ladies


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## Janey E

Hi Lizzie C

I  know what you mean about the wait.... everthing in your life goes on hold while you are waiting appointments, medications etc.  We had  a failed cycle in December, now got to decide what to do next. The doctor says there is a 14% chance of our next cycle working (didnt really give me much hope) also because we need SSR and ICSI, the next  cycle will cost us just over £5000!  An insane amount of money. We had one free go on the NHS and one self funded cycle prior to this, where i also donated eggs.  Don't know what we are  going to do. My mum has said she will give us the money but I would feel so guilty if it didnt work. Such a  lot of money.  They think the problem lies with my husbands sperm, he is gutted.  Part of me thinks whats the point but part of me thinks we could be in that 14%. Mind going overtime and its driving me insane. Not ready to give up but feel hand has been forced in this one...

xx


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Thought I'd pop in to say a quick hello - just been reading all your posts.  Had my first (and only free NHS) cycle of IVF in December which resulted in a BFN on 29th Dec.  So had a wonderful Christmas thinking (and hoping) I was pregnant only to have a a massive thump back to reality when I got my test result, I was heartbroken - so had a really miserable New Year and definitely didn't want to celebrate 2012, so DH and I just blocked it out and pretended it was just another day.  Have cried so much over the last couple of weeks, I was hoping I'd cried all my tears in 2011 and that 2012 would be my year.  I'm glad I stumbled across this thread, I don't feel so alone now.  Wishing you all lots of luck for 2012 - lets hope it brings us all the happiness we could wish for  

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi chickens... 

I'm sorry to hear all ur stories of BFNs, I too have recently had a BFN and understand all ur heart aches. 

Ive decided that as of tomo, I am guna pull myself together and be strong and plan my next move. 

What I feel im going to do is turn to a veggie diet, extra exercise and try naturally until my 3rd treatment. My question is to any of u, have u tried any remedies or taking on a different way of life to enhance ur chances of conception? I've read and tried hundreds of suggestions to no avail and decided on the new veggie diet I've read, only getting protein from nuts and tofu (I am a carnivor so will see how long it lasts)!  

I'm also planning on selling my house and move for a fresh start to 2012. 

Fingers crossed this will be all of our years! Want to see BFPs flashing on this thread by the end of the year! 

ARE YOU WITH ME GIRLS?! 

Let's be strong for eachother, give eachother tips and support and get what we all have dreamed of! 

Huge     to u all xxxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Katreekingsbury

It's so sad to see all the BFNs isn't it, it breaks my heart that so many deserving people are denied this wonderful experience which so many just take for granted (and often don't appreciate!).

I'm loving your positivity and optimism, I'd love to be more like you  I'm gonna give it a go and see what happens  I haven't tried any remedies or changing anything, but I've heard accupuncture is supposed to help with IVF - don't know how true that is? I'm already _mostly _ veggie, but I do give in to bacon every now and then - oops! But generally am veggie and have been for about 18 years (OMG is it really that long - hadn't thought about it until now!).

Your "are you with me girls" comments made me beem a big smile - love it!! Let's do it, lets get some BFPs for 2012! 

 xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hiya NosilaB

I've also heard that acupuncture is good. I may look at giving it a go this year as I'm running out of options!! 

A veggie that eats bacon ay?   that is something to admire In a person!   
Does that mean I can eat chicken, and the odd bacon butty and still be a veggie?  

I'm not usually optimistic... Im actually the opposite and negative! But I've decided for a new year I'm changing my ways and looking at it differently. 
So thought I'd share the "new" me with all the girls on here!

I'm so sorry to hear u got ur BFN over Xmas. Never a good time, especially over Xmas. 
Why were u only given one chance on NHS? Is it to do with the bull  postcode lottery??
I do not understand how the government and NHS can play with people's lives like this. Deciding on and where women can have fertility treatment and on how many cycles we are entitled to. It is so unorthodox and it's an outrage to live in a world were our right to produce families is taken over by a room full of ignorant MPs lead by David Cameron... Who (can I just point out) has his young family within the Walls of 10 Downing Street! Winds me up!

All my love to u AND ALL OTHER LADIES in same situation. It is totally disgusting xxxx


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## Janey E

Hi Ladies

Its amazing that you can be so positive and I hope it will rub off on me (more motivational and inspirational posts needed daily please!!)

I am on a downer with a capital D. Infact I dont even want to talk about it.  Wish I could disapear into a pit of self pity and bitterness and  morph myself in 6 months into my usual jovial self. 
Sorry, I normally hate people who feel sorry for themselves and now i am hating myself for feeling that way. I am weary.

Love to you all and sorry for being so depressing.

J
x


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## katreekingsbury

Hi Janey E

I'm sorry you are feeling down petal. It's an awf way to be and it is so heartbreaking. 
I feel like you too... We all do, but sometimes u just have to pick urself up, dust urself off and try again! 
I see u have had two cycles, one NHS and one self funded. Why have ur success rates dropped to 14%? 
That sounds very strange? 
I'm not sure who u are considering ur nxt treatment with, but before u do(as 5k is an enormous amount of capital) try reading the book "is your body baby friendly" by Alan E Beer? 
This book is amazing and it gives u an insight to other women around the world who suffer as much, even more then us. 

Also, I keep a story I no close to my heart. 

ALL LADIES READ THIS IF U NEED SOME POSITIVIYY! 

My mum had a friend while I was growing up who I called "auntie Jim Jams". 
jimjams and her husband had been trying for 10 years with no result. They thought it was my aunties fertility as her husband had a daughter from previous marriage. 
To cut a long story short, turns out he never could have children so his "daughter" was not actually his. 
They had IVF treatment, which had ended in miscarriages and BFNs. 

My auntie was in&out of hospital for infertility related problems, eg; endometriosis, Ect and was told she would need a hysterectomy. Obviously she refused this, even though she had more then 2 opinions forms gynacologists. 

The awful part to this story is that she divorced her husband due to the stress of it all and blamed him for being infertile for all the years of them TTC. 

BUT, she met someone else,&within the year was pregnant - Natuarlly and now has a 4 year old daughter!! 

I'm not telling u all to go and divorce ur husbands, as we are all stronger and more stable then my poor auntie was, but what I am saying is DO NOT GIVE UP, DO NOT TAKE ON ANY NEGATIVITY, even if ur is from your consultant because if my auntie had taken the advise she was given, she would have had a hysterectomy and not be a mum! 

KEEP THAT IN THE BACK OF UR MINDS WHEN U FEEL A LITTLE DOWN IN THE DUMPS! 

Love to u all xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Katreekingsbury - I had to laugh at your post in response to mine - the part about me being a veggie who eats bacon lol!!! Shhhh don't tell everyone haha  I liked the story of hope re your auntie, as you say, not that I intend to trade in my DH, but it's a lovely story that shows dreams can come true, and to not always believe what medical people tell you. Yes only one free cycle of IVF (for under 40's) for us in our PCT area - sucks eh! It's really not fair how it's all a postcode lottery, make me so angry and sad that it's done that way, especially as the 'NICE' recommendation is for 3 funded cycles - 'NICE' just don't make it compulsory, so it's up to each PCT to decide how their funding is allocated.

Hi Janey - no need to apologise, we've definitely ALL felt like that, and still do a lot of the time. I had a really bad end to last week, I just couldn't stop crying Thursday and Friday, and was feeling so low and upset at anything and everything to do with babies, children or families. I was watching a recorded prog on Sunday eve 'The Great British Bake Off - Sports Relief', and one of the celebs was talking about how she "loved baking with her children", it made me feel so sad that I'll probably never get the opportunity to do baking with my child/children  , so watching what I thought was an innocent cookery programme ended up making me think about children _again _ and made me feel tearful - _again_! The bottom line is that sometimes I have good days (where I'm better at hiding my feelings!) and other days are bad ones where the tears start flowing. I often wish I could turn back time and go back to the days when I wasn't constantly thinking about babies and I was more happy-go-lucky, becasue I just feel like it consumes my life now! The great thing about Fertility Friends though is that we're all here to support each other, so we're hear to listen to you if and when you do want to talk about it, but if you don't, then just pop in and say 'hi' 

xx


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## katreekingsbury

NosilaB

Do not get me started on the NICE guidelines.  it's such a pain in the ****! 

I'm glad I made u smile!   I've decided to become a veggie as u se to have it such under control!   

Guess what I have done! I have booked an appointment for a consultation for acupuncture! Very nervous but excited at the same time!!! 

Janey - Hope ur feeling a bit better after reading mine and NosilaB messages. We are here u chicken. 

Lots of love xxx


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## Janey E

Thank you both for your lovely words and kindness.  You are both such caring lovely people.  It always gets to me how kind people are to each other, it is a great comfort to know we all go through the same feelings and emotions, and thank you for taking the time to post messages to me. Inspiring stories, they always make a shiver run down my spine and I know miracles can happen.

Our consultant did an IVF predictor on us which you can do online.  She also said it was likley the problem lay with my husband. I thought  14% was low too.  To be honest  I didn't really have much confidence in her. She wasn't our usual consultant.  There was nothing she could offer us except info on reproductive immunology. WE now have the same rules in our PCT (only one try on the NHS). We self funded the first lot of treatment because at that time we couldnt get it on the NHS because hubbie has kids already. 

Have decided today that we will have one more attempt  at ICSI but will have to be egg donor as no other way to afford it at £5000. Where on earth are you meant to get that amount of money from?! 

I have ordered that book by the way! Looks really good. Thanks again for everything, I am so grateful and am lucky to have such lovely FF's. Will pop back in soon and say hi. Nosila B - hope you enjoy the acupuncture. Ive had it before (not for IVF) it doesnt hurt!

Speak to you both soon

Janey
xxx


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## Nosilab

Hey Janey, so glad our messages helped, even if only just a little bit. By the way, just read your signature strip and notice that our treatments and OTDs were only one day apart! Glad you managed to get a quick follow up appointment - we did have one booked for the 11th Jan but I had to change it as I was too busy with work  So our appt is now on the 1st Feb - really not sure what our consultant it going to say! I think it's great you have decided to give it another go, but yes, it is A LOT of money! It's Katree that's having the acupuncture  I have a bit of a 'thing' about needles - before I started my IVF treatment I referred to myself as 'needle phobic' (I would always burst into tears at the thought or sight of a needle), but having got through that treatment AND doing my own injections, I really don't think I can call myself a needle phobic anymore - I still don't like them, but hey....who does! 

Katree, I know, tell me about it - the NICE guidelines.....grrrrr  Good luck with the whole veggie thing....will you be a proper veggie or 'NosilaB' type veggie?! heehee!! Fab news re the acupuncture! You'll have to let us know how you get on, if you say it's not too scary I _might _ consider giving it a go, although I'm not really sure how I'd afford it?! I phoned up to ask once and was told it was £40 a session!

Speak to you lovely ladies soon xxx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi janey

Glad to hear we have cheered u up a bit. It's always nice to no u have support so close by. 
£5000?! Wow that is alot! I'm not really clued up abt egg donation so I can't comment, but I wish u all the best hun! Xx

Nosila - I'm thinking I may be "Nosila veggie"... It sounds more more fun! 
By the sounds of things u have life just about right! 
Veggie - eat bacon
Needle phobic - self inject 
Maybe u should re-write the dictionary definitions and call it Nosilionary!!! 

I will def let u no how the acupuncture goes! Any things worth a go! 

OH GIRLS... I bought another book of amazon today called The Fertility Diet.. Looks very good and interesting!! Guna read that too!! 

Chins up gals... Love to u both x


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## cohensmummy

Hi ladies,
I'm wondering if I can join you lovely ladies? Im kind of in a situation where I don't fit in any particular group but know that I'm trying to look forward to the next treatment which will be fet when we have saved up the money 
The reason why I don't feel like I fit in anywhere is I actually did get a bfp this cycle (test date20/12) hb seen at 7wk5 but had a gut feeling something was wrong so asked for a re scan 8wk2 and heart beat as stopped  I'm currently waiting to mc and have a follow up scan on fri when would be 9wk2 to confirm  and talk about if want medicated help to pass baby. I am devastated obviously but want to look to the future and want to talk to woman who are looking forward to there next cycle and not looking back at what could of/ should of been.
If you don't othink I'm in the right place would you please direct me to where you think I could go, I'm feeling rather down and lonely as really dint realise how quickly you are forgotten once you don't fit into the particular group you are in any more 

Nosila- I remember speaking briefly with you in winter wonders hope you are ok 
Hello to the rest of you and I get the chance to make friends with you all xx
Laura x


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## Janey E

OMG Laura - you poor luvvie,  you dont have to fit in anywhere to fit in, if that makes sense!  We just are here to support each other no matther what the situation is.

I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, how brave to face the world.  I have been on a right downer lately so we are in the same boat in one respect.
I don't know if you want to talk about what has happened? Sometimes it helps but not sure if you are  just looking for positivity  (Nosila and Katree very good at that!) 

I am waiting to hear back from my clinic to see about starting my next cycle.    What an emotional rollercoaster this IVF journey is?  Im not even going to try and say anything to make you feel better because  nothing will but I want you to know you are definitely not alone here and we are all going through this journery together and are here for each other.  You can always PM me if you want as sometimes it is hard to post  everything you are feeling...

Try and take care of yourself and give yourself time.  you are allowed to be sad and grieve so dont be hard on yourself.

I am thinking  of you so much and sending you the biggest hug possible cos I feel for you so much hun.     

Lots of love Janey
xxxxx


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## Nosilab

Katree - I'm loving the sound of the ' Nosilionary'    Re the needle phobia - it wasn't a straight forward process, I had lots of CBT sessions with LOTS of homework that involved practising with my auto-injector (without the needle!), so it was over a few months.  But it certainly worked - never in a million years did I think I'd be able to inject myself without crying or anxiety - it was amazing! I'm still amazed by it now    Ooo must make a note of the other book you suggested, keep meaning to do that but then keep forgetting!  

BIG hello and welcome Laura.  As Janey says, you don't need to 'fit in' to come and join us, we just need to be there to support and listen to one another no matter what the situation, so I'm really glad you posted here.  I'm so so sorry to hear your very sad news    .  It sounds to me like you are being incredibly strong about it all, which makes you a very strong and amazing woman, I just can't imagine how you're feeling right now.    Yes, I also remember you from the Winter Wonders thread, it's lovely to speak to you again.

Hi Janey, hope you're doing ok?

Not much to say about me today really, just plodding on.  Had a counselling session at the clinic yesterday which was good, had a chat and a cry - apart from that nothing new.

Take care ladies and speak to you all soon xxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi Laura! 

I totally understand what you are going through. I had the same thing in 2010 except mine was from natural conception. I felt something wasn't right, although scan shows a 5week HB. I went back at 11wks to finds baby had died. 
I was given 2 tablets to take to miscarry as I didnt want the stress of waiting around for it all to happen. It wasn't nice and it will live with me for the rest of my life. 
Did they explain to u what to expect when it happens? 

I'm really sorry this has happened to u, I really truly honestly feel for u. I would give u some positivity if u think it may help, but from remembering it happening to me I no I just wanted to get through this first. U will need big support when it happens Hun so turn to ur DH and come bk to us if need be. 

You can always send me a  PM to talk abt this as I will be honest and listen to u if that's what u need. Big hugs to u babe. 

Nosila - oh so u really had struggles with needles! That's so brilliant if u to come through it and carry out ur treatment! hope counseling is helping u hun, never an easy thing. 

Hope u all ok apart from the reasons we are all on here today. 

CHIN UP MY BEAUTIFUL FFs. TOMORROW IS ALWAYS A LITTLE BRIGHTER AND ANOTHER DAY FORWARD!


----------



## ANGELA29A

bookmarking.x


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## Nosilab

Hi Katree - yep I really did struggle with the idea of all those needles so was mega chuffed with myself when I got through it without hardly any anxiety - just a shame I didn't get the positive outcome after all that hard work.  Ah well, onwards and upwards eh  

Hello and welcome Angela29A  

Hello to Janey and Laura too, and to anyone else reading this thread xx


----------



## Aspi

Hi Ladies

So sorry to here your tales, I also had BFN at the beginning of the month, booked DP in for reversal as it may work and be cheaper than other options. 

Janey E - completely empathise with your situation, don't think about the percentages, what I have done is set myself a limit to how many times we will try IVF (max of 3 including the free cycle! For us unless lottery win!) - the money side of things is outrageous - and then I will go for adoption, which i would like to d anyway. Your family will come whatever way and it will be all the more sweet when you get it xx


----------



## Janey E

Hi Lovely Fertility friends.

Hope you are having a nice Sunday. .... I am sooo hungover today... 
Went out last night with DH and some friends and got completely  hammered!  oops I think it did me good though as although i feel like crap today i forgot all my worries for the whole night and felt like a normal person! 

Laura Love, hope you're doing ok?
Aspiriational - 3 is a good number of tries. We are doing the same. This will our third and final go.  (unless we win the lottery)!!    Sorry to hear about your BFN, its hard everytime no matter what the circumstances.  We all sound like strong ladies on here and with each others help we will get through it.

Katree - have you started accupuncture yet?  What do you think of it?!
Nosila B -Hello! hope you are having good days. Not long now till your appointment. Are you going ahead with a cycle as soon as possible?  Also as our cycles were so close, just wondered if your body has recovered yet or are you still bloated?  I  literally look pregnant.  My tummy is as bloated now as it was after egg collection and  I am a good 9lbs heavier still and really stuggling to lose it. also got puffy ankles.  Just wondered if this was normal? The clinic said it can take a few weeks for the symptoms to dissapear.  its  nearly 4 weeks now since finished drugs and  6 weeks since egg collection. Not sure if thats classed as a few weeks!

Speak to you all soon. Off for some comfort food which is not doing my diet any good but I dont care! 

Big hugs and positive energy to you all 
    
Janey xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi ladies! 

OMG Janey I'm hungover today too! I did the exact same thing and thought I needed a night out to get bk to normality and I got absolutely wasted! I was playing drinking games that I kept loosing at! I was being sick in the bath at 2.30am and then passed out! 
I've put on 10lbs that I'm struggling to get off but due to my bad hangover today I got a KFC bucket and been picking at the chicken allday! That's not guna help!  

Not started acupuncture yet, starting Tuesday. Very nervous but I will let u no how I get on! 

Hope u all feeling a bit brighter. Just wanted u all to no that I went back to work Friday which was awful and I kept crying, but now it's done and dusted I feel brill again and looking forward to the year ahead! 

This week is my ovulation week so I'm guna TTC Natuarlly until next cycle... Although there's minimal chance  it will work its fun to try!  

Xxxx


----------



## Janey E

We obviously needed a good blow out!!  I couldnt lift my head off the pillow until 12.00 today!! The weight thing totally depresses me. Ive gone up a dress size and none of my clothes fit. Had to go and buy new wardrobe!  When I get down I eat more... Not been too bad today apart from the packet of biscuits and 4 Ferrero Rochers.  Grrrr wish I  didnt have to eat at all!

Going back to work is hard, but often the thought if it is worse than doing it, as you found!  where do you work? Glad you are feeling stronger and looking forward.  Its nice speaking to ladies who are waiting to start their next treatment. Makes it feel exciting again....  I just want to get cracking now.
2012 its gonna be our year, ive just decided!!
Off to bed now to read - IS your body baby friendly, a fascinating book!
night night
xx


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## katreekingsbury

Weight depresses me too. I totally understand how u feel. I eat more wen I'm down too, it's natural. Don't worry thou petal, everything will all go bk to normal and u will feel urself again. 

Im a dental nurse in orthodontic section so i have to face people and put on smiley faces all day which is hard wen all u Wana do is cry! 

2012 is our year... And wen we all have our babies we will all stay in touch and visit eachother!! 


Sweet dreams petal, xxx

Ps... That book is amazing! It's my bible xxx


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## Janey E

oh thats not nice, being nice to people when you dont feel like it.....
Im so  glad its not just me getting drunk and eating too much!! ha ha   Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me

Yep Im feeling much more positive about 2012 - it WILL be our year and we WILL get pregnant.

How did you get on with accupuncture?

Sending you lots of   and   and   for your natural cycle


Lots of love Janey
xxxx


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## Zargus

katreekingsbury said:


> OH GIRLS... I bought another book of amazon today called The Fertility Diet.. Looks very good and interesting!! Guna read that too!!


Katree - Was this book by Sarah Dobbin or Jorge Chavarro?


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## benbeculagirl

Hi All

Hoping I can join you - Just had a BFN on 1st IVF cycle.  Now to have a natural months cycle then start on FET.  Was gutted but not too surprised as clinic had kept on stressing that the first cycle was all trial and error etc.  Still you can't help but hope.

So in order to be pos have formulated a plan for the next wee while
1.  Lose a Stone (half a stone put on during last cycle - did far less excercise than normal)
2. Read some of those books you've been talking about
3. Take up yoga for conception - on chat room someone was saying there is a DVD you can get.  I like yoga but have never tried this but am up for trying anything
4. Enjoy a bit of stress free time with DH - think that moght be the best bit!

Hi to all the names I recognise, and also to everyone else

Ail xx


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## katreekingsbury

Janey - acupuncture didn't happen!! I went to the wrong clinic which was down to the specialist as she didn't give me the right address... To top it all it was an hours drive in the first place! So I decided to have a piece of choc cake to fattening up my already fat !
I was rather spitting feathers!!!! 

Vetty - which book hun? "is your body bay friendly" is by Dr Alan E Beer and "The Fertility Diet" is by Sarah Dobbyn.

Hi to benbeculagirl .. I'm so sorry to hear of ur BFN. It is so sad. 
It's good to see u have a plan of action. We are all trying to stay positive and send positive vibes for 2012! 

In feelin a bit better today, looking forward to a few things I have planned. 
Feeling chunky and feeling tierd continuously, but definatley ALOT better! 

Hope u all ok girlies, if anyone needs to talk, I'm here all night tonight xxxxxx


----------



## Janey E

oh no Katree - nightmare!! I would have been mad with a capital M -  thought the idea of accupuncture was to make you relaxed, now you're more stressed out! Chocolate Cake = Very Good Idea!!!  Have you got another appointment booked? I have been on Slimming World for 3 weeks now and I have lost nothing.  Don't tell me about the chunky feeling, I feel like a hippo at the moment! I am really good all week but weekends I have been having a few drinks.   Just goes to show what alcohol does to you.  Says me with a glass of wine in my hand.  Its funny, when I started meds and during my 2ww I never touched a drop and didnt miss it one bit but just lately is all I have to look forward to (sad life I lead!)  
I am feeling quite positive at the moment... the clinic phoned yesterday and we've got an appointment monday to get the ball rolling again..... baby making here we come!!!   
I think we should start a daily post stating somethingpositive that has happened or is going to happen that day, what do you think?

Hi Ali

Sorry your first cycle didnt work. Like  you said it is trial and error but it doesnt stop it being painful and going through all the emotions.  We are always here to chat to on good and bad days.

Thats it from me now. Two glasses of wine has gone to my head!!!
Luv to everyone 

xxxxx  xxx


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## katreekingsbury

Janey - I'm same. Im good all week then my weekends are my treats! Except all the good work I've put in all week I just ruin with weekend munch out!  
I've tried slimming world before - failed miserably! I'm a weight watchers gal and it usually works well for me. 
Ooh a glass of wine sounds nice! A Zinfandel is my tipple! Or vodka! Or bacardi majitos! Or champs! .... Mmmm maybe I should go to AA rather then WW?!  

A positive post a day is a FANTASTIC idea!

My positive post for today is booked two days off work in July as traveling to Sheffield for my friends wedding and I can't wait! I'm so excited! 

Oh and I got a hospital appt next week too to discuss my next cycle in march. 

COME ON GIRLS, ME AND JANEY WANA HEAR YOUR POSITIVE POSTS!! 

Night night u wino!!   xxx


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## Janey E

I would try n write something sensible but have now finished the bottle of wine and on to the second (dont tell anyone!!!!!) 

Will come back tomorrow and re read your message and reply poperly..

        

Thanks for being such a good FF...... 
xxxxxx

Nite nite    hic hic


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## katreekingsbury

Morning girls! 

Janey - how's the head?   your so funny and so like me! 

No positive post yet for me, is a bit early still... Just waiting for my lift to work. I'd anything exciting happens I will let u no! 

Have a good day FFs xxx


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## Janey E

Morning!  I woke up feeling fine but by 10am was feeling a bit seedy - sober one for me tonight I think although Tescos have got a cracking sauvignon Blanc on offer at £2.99 a bottle! It may be rude not to!

Yes I think we are very similar (does that make you slightly bonkers then like me?!!)   It sounds like we might be going through our next cycle at the same time (hope so).  

I hope you have had  a good day at work - its Friday!! (or do you work weekends?)  

My positive comment of the day is that I am going to try not to obsess about my weight for the next month..
I liked your post yesterday,  weddings are always fun! I've never been to Sheffield - is that near where you live.

Will catch up later on.
Hi to everyone else  
xxxx


----------



## benbeculagirl

Positive Post for the Day - Where I live, today for the first time in weeks it didn't rain, the wind wasn't blowing too much and I got home in the Daylight and an nice sunset- feel like spring is on its way.

Katree - I'm a dental nurse too, but in general practice so I spend most of my time in a mask and can mump away to my hearts content!!

Janey - Good going on the wine - I had my first drink for three months last night.  DH thinks I'm a cheap date now as happily tiddly after 2 smallish glasses.............Am really enjoying the coffee again though 

Hi to everyone else

Ail xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hey janey - yes it does make me slightly bonker I suppose!   I don't mind having that reputation thou! No I don't live near Sheffield.. I live in Norfolk! So no where near!! 

Loving the positive post! 

Ali - do u like dental nursing? I used to do general practice, but changed 2 years ago. I been nursung for 10 years now. Ru a national or NVQ qualified nurse? I'm NVQ. I'm also radiographer and assessor.

Also loving your positive weather post! 

My positive daily post is that I have booked a posh mean out tomo for me & DH birthdays and can't wait! I'm also having a girly day of lunch and manicures with my friend tomo so feeling chirpy!  

Xxx


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## Janey E

Morning Katree and Ail!

Hope you are loving the weekend.....

Katree - have a lovely day today and enjoy your  pampering time - you deserve it! Also hope you have a wonderful time with DH tonight.  Its so important to spend time together and have time out from baby talk although maybe you could do some practising later on     

Ail - What you up to this weekend?Anything exciting planned and have you found the yoga DVD yet? Its the sort of thing I would be interested in but not sure if I would have the motivation to actually get round to doing it (I am a lazy **** !!!)

Well my positive post for the day is nothing exciting but its a beautiful day and I going to take the dogs out for a long walk in a minute and I'm really look forward to getting out in that lovely crisp air!

Have a nice day ladies and catch up soon
xxxxx


----------



## benbeculagirl

hi all

Katree - hope you enjoy your meal out tonight, sounds great

Yes I do really enjoy the dental nursing - I'm SVQ (Scottish version of NVQ), would really like to specialise as Special needs nurse but as working for the NHS have asked and they see no need for it where I am and there are no courses available near me, so it might have to wait a few years.  Have been DCP for 4 years now.

Janey - nothing planned for the weekend, have come down with a smelly cold so planning on a bit of feet up. Also just had all our windows replaced so lots of cleaning up to do.  Looking on it as a chance to spring clean    Hope you had a lovely walk - what kind of dogs do you have?.

Positive post - "Yoga fo Conception" DVD ordered from amazon.  And as above all windows now replaced so a snug and cosy house.  Off to settle down with cuppa adn biccies, a good book and the dog (DH Working late shift tonight)


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hey ladies! 

I've had an absolutely lovely day. Girly day and a lovely meal out with DH. Now at home enjoying a few glasses of wine. And yes janey, I will be practicing later!!  

Ail - shame they don't do the courses you want to specialise in, it's nice to have a speciality in something. That yoga DVD sounds good? I might order it and have a go.. Although I am a bit like Janey - a lazy  as she puts it!!!  
Sorry your feeling poorly petal, get some rest and hope u get better very soon. 

Positive Post of the day - I'm absolutely wallpapered!!!!!


----------



## Nosilab

Hey ladies!

Long time no speak - sorry! Work has been so busy that I dont seem to have time to log on during my lunch breaks at the mo, and then Im totally pooped by the time I get home so no energy to log on at home.am gonna try harder from now on though 

Janey  I think (?) my body has recovered since my tx, but I wasnt really bloated beforehand anyway as sadly I only produced 2 eggs  . Saying that, Ive always had a bit of a round tummy (no matter what weight I am), so I still have one now heehee! I did Slimming World just over a year ago and managed to lose 2 ½ stone! But have since put about 7lbs back on, which could partly be due to the tx I guess, didnt even think of that, but that makes sense. Although I too am a comfort eater  so all the naughty comfort food isnt helping my weight either, and as you say, being allowed to drink again isnt helping  heehee. Not sure about the puffy ankles, have you asked your clinic? Really glad to see youre feeling more positive, and I really like the positive thought of the day 

Hi Benbeculagirl (Ail)  I remember speaking to you on the Winter Wonders thread, I'm so very sorry to hear about your BFN, but Im glad youve come to join us for some support and chat on this thread. Silly question I know but how are you feeling now after your tx, hope youre bearing up? Hope your cold is on its way out now 

Katree  I bet you _were _ spitting feathers re the acupuncture appointment!!! Id have been fuming mad too! What a waste of your time! Are you gonna try and give it another go?

So, my positive post for the day is that Ive had a fab weekend spending some time with a friend for her birthday  had naughty fish and chips on Friday night then spent Saturday making clay buttons! Im a potter (but not as my day job sadly) so I love getting my hands on a bit of clay! Oh  and today have made some choc brownies  the diet is definitely out of the window  ! Tonight I plan to put a film on and have a few glasses of red with my DH.....

Am also getting a little bit excited about our follow up appointment on Wednesday  hope they give me the answers I want and allow us to have another go AND that it won't cost us too much money, but I think that is just wishful thinking unfortunately!

Hope youre all doing ok, and have had a lovely weekend? Speak to you soon xx


----------



## Janey E

Hello Nosila! was starting to get worried about you...!  Its good that you are busy but not good that you dont have time to log on to FF!  2.5 stone is a great achievement and yes probablyt tx is where that extra half sone has gone. I am still stuck at this stupid weight and still looking pregnant   got an appointment tomorrow so will ask the clinic then... I am glad you are a comfort eater too. I sometimes think it is only me as most people I know go off food when they are stressed or down but I just trough! OOO pottery that sounds fun, I dont think Ive made anything with clay since I was at school and that was a long time ago.  Enjoy your evening with your DH tonight and bottle of wine (my idea of a perfect night - thats with my husband by the way, lol!)  Good luck with your appointment on weds and let us know how it goes. The  money  thins really gets my goat but that is life i spose. Never fair. I hope you can start your treatment soon, that would mena you me and KAtree all at the same time  

Ail - hope your cold is on its way  out. They are just the most horrible things to get.  I have a border terrier (my baby)  We bred from her two years ago and my neighbour bought one of the pups, so I walk her most days as my neighbour is disabled.  My  dog is my substitute child and I totally adore her... Never was a dog person till we bought her 5 years ago but I am a total convert!  What dog have you got?

Katree -  so glad you had a lovely day yesterday! What did you have to eat last night?  Hope those bed springs were springing  

Positive post of the day: Today has been my perfect day: Lie in with DH and dog.  Healthy cooked breakfast, Lovely walk on the common with DH and dog. Afternoon at home (cooked pudding for dinner tonight) and in a minute we are off to sister in laws for dinner (and maybe a small wine) with all the in laws and DH's daughter.  Love my family so much.
Oh and tomorrow we have appointment at the clinic to get next treatment underway so I am feeling HAPPY!!!

hope everyone else had  a lovely day to day
Speak to you guys tomorrow
xxxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Janey,

Sorry to have worried you, I've missed all my FF - stupid work getting in the way...how dare it!  

Yeah guess it is good to be busy, although it's stupidly busy at the mo, and it's making me feel quite anxious and stressed - not enough hours in the day type thing.  I guess it's worrying me more than usual as I don't want to be this busy and stressed with work if I am allowed to do a 2nd attempt at tx - anyway am gonna speak to my boss about stupid workload, and she knows about my tx and has been very understanding and supportive over the last year.

Yup, am definitely a comfort eater, and like you most other people I know go off their food when stressed or upset - so I always feel a little   when all I want to do is eat!  At least we can all understand each other on here eh.  Hope you're appointment goes well tomorrow, keep us posted.  Wouldn't it be fab if we were all starting our new cycle of tx together!

We don't have a dog, sadly I'm allergic to them but otherwise we'd love to have one!  But we do have a little adopted cat (neighbour wasn't looking after her properly so we took her on a few years back), and she is our little princess, she is really spoilt and we love her to bits, can't imagine life without her    I also think our pets are our little subsitute children....our love and affection has to go somewhere eh!

Sounds like you've had the most perfect day Janey!  Loooovely!  And great to see you use the word 'HAPPY', that makes me happy  

My choc brownies turned out scrummy-licious, so they'll go down very well with a glass or 2 of wine tonight lol.

Speak soon! xxx


----------



## benbeculagirl

Quick question - I was baking today as well (peanut butter cookies - yum yum).  When did we stop making fairy cakes and biscuits and start making muffins and cookies, and WHY?

Janey - I've got a collie cross (with what we're not sure).  He's very energetic, luckily DH runs, we need to take him out for at least 1 hour a day or he gets fidgety.  He's now 7 and slowing down! it used to be 1.5 hours.  SInce last tx DH has been walking him but will get back in to it now.  Will help shift the half stone I also put on and hopefully the other half that I would idealy like to lose.  Though not helping by hoovering up all the peanut butter cookie left overs!

Nosila - nice to hear from you again hun.  I also have a cat, but hes a big old heavy lump who doesn't do much but sleep any more.  He's 14.  But you are both right I love them both to bits and they are probably surrogate kids.  Good luck with your appt on Weds.

Hey Katree - glad you had a lovely day.

Positive post - Spring cleaning today and have 3 boxes of books for the Charity shop.  Now just have to get them there quickly before my willpower goes and I put half of them back on the shelves again!


----------



## Nosilab

LOL!  Benbeculagirl your post made me laugh!  Know what you mean about the muffins and cookies - although I've never been much of a baker, so this is all new to me in my attempt to keep my mind busy - looks like I've gone straight in for the muffins and brownies....Mmmmm has to be done!  

Good job done re the books for charity!  But I know what you mean, if they sit around too long they end up back on the shelf! 

Thanks for the good luck, will keep you posted xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Good evening ladies! 
Sorry I've been busy today so not been online! 

Janey - I went to Greek resturuant last night... Had kleftiko (slow cooked lamb) oooh was lush... With "death by chocolate gatuex" for desert! (before springing beds!)  

Girls... U comfort eat too!!! Nothing puts me off my food! I will always find an excuse to eat! I lost 3 stone last year and have since put a 11lb on!   I'm gutted! But I will try again as if this week! Just ordered Davina McCall workout DVD to give a try at... May just leave it sitting in its cellofene! lol!  

Welcome bk Nosila! Wondered were u got to! Thought we'd lost u!! Glad ur back! 

Hey ya Ail. Sounds like u had a lovely day... I can't bake!! I can cook any meal, but tell me to make cupcakes,fairy cakes or even biscuits and I can't!! I've tried and tried and I always fail!

I have two cats which are my replacement chrildren too! I love them so much! Mine are brothers from same litter and are 11 years old. Their names are Gizmo and Wicket and weigh 15lbs each! Humongous! 

Positive post for today - spring cleaned oven with bicarbonate of soda! Blooming amazing stuff! Why people stopped using it is beyond me! 
Looking forward to my follow up appt on thurs and keeping my fingers crossed that we can be cycles buddies together! 

Now going to bed girls (to sleep janey... Twice is enough for one day!    

Night night to u all, sweet dreams xxxxx


----------



## Zargus

Hi, wonder if I can join you ladies?  I have recently had a failed ICSI attempt, got my BFN on 21 Jan.  I have received an appointment to go back to the clinic at the beginning of March (which I think is a long time to make me wait, although I appreciate I have to wait to start my next cycle) and I’m hoping they say I can start treatment at my next AF after that which will be one full natural cycle since I got my BFN.  

I am going to treat my body like a temple for the next few months as I think this will be my last chance.  My Trust only allows 2 IVF attempts on the NHS and we just don’t have the money to self-fund.  I’m just hoping and praying that next time will finally be our time.


----------



## flowersinthewindow

Hi all, can I join you too?

Have been stalking this thread for a while and your posts have often made me giggle. I am liking the positive posts of the day.Vetty, waiting is a pain in the **** isnt it. Our bfn was in Dec and our follow up isnt until April, so should think tx wont start til May/June grrrrrrrrrrr.

My positive post of the day : not long til DH and I head off on a short holiday to Devon woo hoo

Flowersinthewindow


----------



## benbeculagirl

Hi Vetty and Flowers (hope you don't mind if I shorten it!)

Flowers - hope you have a great hol.
Vetty - any tips on temple like bodies welcome am feeling a little flabby at the mo.  Guess I need a bit of  

Katree - I thought my cat was huge, but yours kick him into touch.....

Nosila - Came home from work and DH had taken books to charity shop - he knows me too well 

Janey - how are you today?

AFM - Not a great day saddly, one of my friends at work announced her pregnancy.  She new about our Tx and felt really bad at telling me. I ended up feeling jealous and guilty that she should feel bad about such good news......Decided I am going to allow myself to be sad tonight then back with the PMA    tomorrow.  Strangely enough I feel better a bit already just writing this as its not something you can really say to anyone else and just writing it down lightens the load.  Thanks ladies.

POSITIVE POST - DH and I are both off work on Wed so planning a home cooked meal, nice wine and beer tomorrow.  A night of romance and us time    Can't wait


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hey gals

Vetty! - I'm sorry to see u here hun... Sorry for ur BFN, it's such a sad time. Give urself some time to grieve babe. PMA!!!!! 

Flowers - hey there! Stalking ay! I think u can get arrested for that!  
U can always rely on us nutters to put a smile on ya face from time to time! We do have some strange conversations! 

Ail - hiya petal. Sorry u feeling low. I totally get how u feeling. I turn into the green eyed monster every time I hear abt another pregnancy. I tend to turn to chocolate and wine! 
It's ok to feel sad abt it babe, totally natural. Look forward to ur quality time with hubby tomo! 

Hi Janey and Nosila! How are u girlies and where are my crazy FFs? 

My positive post for today - had someone come and view my house today, seemed very interested which is a good sign. Had a healthy tea of Chicken Korma and rice which a nice Indian man dropped at my front door! 

My birthday tomo so one more day of indulgence and then in joining Vettys gang and treating my body like a temple!!!


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Vetty and Flowers, welcome to the thread.  So sorry to hear about your BFNs, I hope we can all help put a little smile on your face from time to time to help during the sad times.  Flowers - hope you enjoy your well deserved hols with your DH  

Don't worry Katree - you can't get rid of my that easily lol!!!  I'm sticking around now....    15lb kitties!! Wowzers!!  Bet they are gorgeous and cuddly?!  Ooo don't think I've tried bicarb of soda for oven cleaning, might give that one a go - thanks for the tip!  Heaps of luck for your appointment on Thurs    I'm doing ok thanks, tired from work again, but other than that all good here    Great news about your house - keeping everything crossed for you!  Hope you have a fab birthday tomorrow - doing anything nice?

Ail, funny that your DH was one step ahead of you re the books heehee!!  That's it now, they've gone, no going back    Totally and completely understand how your feeling hun, re the pregnancy announcement    Such a difficult time, especially when people know what you've been through and dread telling you, but at the same time you just can't help feeling jealous, that's perfectly normal and we've all been there and felt that feeling.  Definitely allow yourself to be sad tonight, and even longer if you need it, take however long it takes.  Glad chatting on here has helped lighten the load, we're always here to listen and chat.  Look forward to and enjoy your time with your DH tomorrow, it'll be just what you need  

Right then, here goes for my positive post of the day (always much harder to do when back at work - weekends are soooo much easier).....Loved waking up to the snow this morning, everything looked so beautiful!  Remembered today that I'm off to see Dirty Dancing at the theatre in April with a huge group of girly friends - so that put a big smile on my face!

Lots of love 'n' hugs to all xx


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## katreekingsbury

Nosila - yes my cats are cuddly! I love them to bits! 

Not got much planned for tomo... A lay in, go see a film and have some lunch out. Just nice not to be at work! 

Snow?!!! Where do u live to get snow? I'm jealous!! Snow is my favorite weather!!!! 

Glad ur ok except being tierd, and glad I can't get rid of u! Lol 

Xx


----------



## Zargus

I dont like snow unless it falls heavily overnight and stops me from getting to work the next day lol.

I have a question for you all.  Apart from folic acid, are any of you taking any other supplements prior to / during your next treatment cycle?  I am worried I may have an issue with implantation.  There are two things I am worried about, the thickness of the lining of my womb and the fact I have poor circulation.  I'm wondering if I could take any supplements to help either of these two things.  Pregnacare conception was one I was thinking about in particular.  I will ring my clinic I think but just wondered if any of you ladies had any views.


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## flowersinthewindow

Hi all

Thanks for the holiday wishes- still a while before we go- we are off on the13th February in time for Valentines day- have a posh dinner booked already!

Benbeculagirl - for me when someone announces a pregnancy the physical sensation is like I am in a lift that has suddenly dropped a few floors, I start to feel that awful feeling of dread and panic. Takes a good hour for the physical feelings to ebb away and then the sadness/ anger kicks in and that lasts a day or so! Think you are right to allow yourself to feel upset for a bit.

Vetty we had the thinnest scattering of  hail like snow here and the children I work with were so funny, running outside in absolute ecstasy and wanting to make snowballs or build snowmen. Hope we get a nice thick layer so they can.

Vetty I am taking pregnacare preconception vits and have my DH on the mens ones, you can get a his and hers package. I am also trying to swim once a week- for my mental health as much as physical!

DH is pouring himself a large glass of wine right now. He did say he would give up alcohol completely like he did last icsi, and plans to do so starting tomorrow. He finds this much harder than I do!

Flowers


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## Nosilab

Evening ladies!

  Katree!!  Your birthday plans sound just perfect to me, hope you enjoyed your day?  We live in Bath - shame the snow didn't last longer, but like Vetty I prefer it when it's thick and heavy and stops me from having to go to work lol!!  We could do with a few proper snow days!   xx

Vetty, I'm not really up on all the vitamin info I'm afraid, when I was having my IVF I started taking Pregnacare Conception, but have now just gone back to taking straight forward folic acid for now.  Sorry I can't help.

Positive post of the day - went for a lovely walk in the winter sunshine with a friend at lunch time and took a little dog for a walk from the local Rescue Centre - soooo cuuute I wanted to bring her home, but don't think my cat would've been too happy about it  

Hope everyone else is doing ok?
xx


----------



## Janey E

Hello Lovely Ladies. 
FirstlyKATREE : Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear KAtree, happy birthday to you !!! (Good job you cant hear me sing, cos I cant and your cats would probably think there was an imposter in their house LOL).  Hope you've had a lovely day and have been spoilt!! What birthday gifts have you had.  Did you make DH bring you breakfast in bed and serenade you naked with a rose in his mouth?!!  Good Luck on Thursday hun and let us know how it goes. Looking forward to some HAPPY news!

NosilaB -you had snow?! Was it enough to stop you getting into work though. OOO Dirty Dancing - luv it, so cheesy but one of those films you can watch time and time again. What a stud muffin old Swayze was in his day!

Ail - How you feeling today? Its always hard and it always hurts, but we are strong and it will be our turn one day. I think the evening in with your DH tomorrow is just what you need (make sure you get v drunk!!) 

Flowers : Hello and welcome!   Where abouts in Devon are you going?  Thats where I live! Which restaurant are you going to for your meal (sorry Im a nosy parker!!)

Vetty: So sorry luvvie.   No words are ever enough to take away the pain but the suport on this thread is amazing.. We are generally a happy bunch on here and are here to support anyone feeling down or sad. (and happy!) Im not sure about tablets etc but if you are eating healthily than you will be having a balanced diet and should be getting all the correct vitamins and nutrients.  Garlic is good for circulation I think if DH doesnt mind garlic breath!!  Folic Acid is a deffo but you are already doing that (thats the one that helps the lining) So carry on doing what you're doing ....

SO my positive post of the day is that I had an appointment with my clinic yesterday and I'm back in the IVF cycle!! Got to wait for an AF to arrive (that could be anytime as never regular!) then I start meds 3 weeks later. STILL have to lose my spare tyre so am on back on healthy eating diet 
with a vengence (no wine this week   )    My DH has great delight in calling me chunky and thinks it is highly amusing that I have turned into a little porker! Men eh !
Gonna stop wittering now and watch the end of Holby. Catch you all later  

Janey
xxxxx


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## Zargus

Well I went to Boots and bought a load of vitamins and pills today.  Pregnacare conception (and male version for DH), Vit C, Zinc, Omega 3 and Q10. Need to go to H&B tomorrow for some Royal Jelly and Bee Propolis.  Dunno if it'll work but it cant help to try 

Happy birthday Katree - hope you had a good day

Positive of the day, vitamins and supplements have been bought and I feel like I am doing everything I can to prepare my body for the next cycle.  DH is taking various supplements too, which I was surprised about, thought he might poo poo the idea of popping vitamins.  Just  that it works


----------



## annan1975

Hi ladies, sorry to read of your  , I got my first  one on saturday and my second, official one today.  I don't know what went wrong, I had two A grade blasts transferred on the 19th and my blood results were glowing all the way through - I guess it just wasn't our time.  Though I cried my way through the weekend, I'm feeling more rational as the week goes on.  That said, I haven't called my mum or my closest friend yet as I know I'll not be able to keep it together when I speak to them.

I spoke to my Dr today and he suggested that I come back in as soon as my period starts to prepare for a FET, but I've decided to wait until my next natural cycle.  I know this is at odds with the way things work in the UK (I'm in Dubai) and I just wanted to ask you all what you thought?  Has it been proven that it's better to hold off until after your next natural cycle.

Positive thought of the day - it's a beautiful winter's day and the sun is shining.  Moreover, I'm drinking a caffiene filled coke and tonight, my DH and I will say farewell to the 2 beautiful blasts that didn't make it with a glass of red, before tucking their photo away in a drawer by my bed.  In the end, you've got to hold on to hope - hope is everything.


----------



## Zargus

Anna - so sorry about your BFN.  I think the hardest thing is the fact we will just never know why it didnt work.  I had (according to my embyologist) 2 beautiful embryos transferred, but for whatever reason it wasnt meant to be.  I have no personal knowledge of whether it's best to wait or not, but what I have read suggests that some clinics actually prefer FET as it allows the body to recover so in that respect waiting might be the better option.  Sadly I did not have any frosties so I have to start again.

Loving your positivity.


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hey ladies... 

Anna - sorry to hear of ur BFN, it's so awful when it happens. U have great positivity tho so keep that up'

Vetty - Thanks for the birthday wishes - had an ok day. Was a bit grumpy to be honest!  

Feeling a bit down today - my friends who I've known since I was 11, had their first baby boy today! As happy as I am for them and as gorgeous as he is, I can feel a bit over whelmed for all the wrong reasons. 
Very sad! 

No positive post for me today I'm afraid.... Not feeling it! 
Someone help cheer me up! Xxxx


----------



## annan1975

Hi again,

Since the 2ww, I've been spending way to much time on FF.

Vetty - Sorry you don't have any snow babies waiting for you.  On the upside, you have fresh new cycle ahead of you and that, in my mind, equates to a clear slate - who knows how many fabulous embies your temple like body will produce next time.  I stocked up on my vitamins today and will start afresh tomorow.

Katree - it's crushing, I sympathise completely.  A few days before my BFN, a school friend announced the impending arrival (August) of his little one.  That said, being a 7 hour flight away means I can email my best wishes, and for this I am truly grateful.  I don't think any of us would begrudge another of the happiness a child can bring, but all that smiling and cooing takes tremendous effort and it hurts to the core as it reminds us of what might have been.  As much as it hurts right now, I know that it's not over, there will be a next time.  So Katree, I guess what I'm saying is, cling on to next time - there's no reason it shouldn't be your time.

Goodnight ladies, I've not had a drink since the start of November and I intend to rectify that this evening albeit a school night.


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## benbeculagirl

Afternoon All

Katree - sending big   , I know what you mean, feeling happy and sad at the same time is a difficult sensation. Happy Birthday for yesterday.

Annan - Welcome, sorry to hear your BFN.  I am going for FET next time and clinic have asked me too contact them at next AF.  (BFN came due to AF arriving 10dpt), so that will be one full normal cycle for me.

Vetty - you must have been rattling on your way home  .  DH and I have been taking pregnacare for around a year now.  Its supposed to help with IVF.  A bonus has been that the cold I had last week was my first one in all that time!  We have decided that next Tx we will maybe relax a little about the food.  Last cycle were so conscious to eat brazil nuts, drink pineapple juice etc that we became a bit fixated.  Going to try just to have a healthy balanced diet next time and relax a little more.  Got Emma Cannon book today that has a few suggestions why IVF might have failed, not read it properly yet but seems like it might have some good pointers, will let you know. So far looks like I am a 'cold' person and may have sluggish blood flow (certainly always have cold hands and feet and often take ages to give my pint when giving blood) so off to invest in a body brush!!

Janey - Always like to follow peoples instructions - sore head this morning (beer,sherry wine and whisky - not drunk so much or so varied in years.  Sore head this morning)   Congrats on getting going again  

Nosila and Flowers - Hope you are having a lovely day

AFM - feel much better today.  Had a wonderful, if drunken evening last night.  DH made roast chicken and fennel ratatoullie and then I made choc souffle with caramel sos.  All tasted great.  Then spent ages trying to play Trivial Pursuit as too tipsy to get any of the answers right    A really lovely and relaxed night.  It was the end of the week since BFN and this was what DH and I had allowed ourselves before it was time to look forward.  So now on with the next round I hope.  Am going to be doing a Vetty and the body temple attempt.  Don't think it will know whats hit it after this week.  

POSITIVE POST - It has been a good day (not at work ), bracing walk with dog at the beach.  And Yoga for conception DVD arrived. Off to give it a go...........


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Annan - very sorry to hear about your BFN, really I am, I know how much it hurts and how the tears keep flowing.  We too have a little picture of our 2 beautiful embryos, now safely put away in the folder with all our other paperwork etc 

No positive post from me today unfortunately, had a pretty miserable day if I'm honest.  We had our follow up appointment this morning and I didn't get the answers I wanted    Our consultant said there's no real point doing another cycle of IVF as I was a 'poor responder' so we'd probably only get the same results again, if not worse - time and fertility levels are not on my side unfortunately, and as we'd have to fund another cycle I think he thought we'd be wasting £5k.  That was a big blow and felt like someone had thumped me in the stomach.  Basically he said our only 3 options now are 1) to give up and try to move on, 2) donor eggs or 3) adoption.  This has left us in a very difficult situation as my DH has never wanted to go down the donor egg or adoption route, so we have some difficult conversations and decisions ahead.  This could be it for me ladies, options might finally have run out for me, I may just have to do my grieving for the loss of our little embryos and try and move on eventually.

Love and hugs to all xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi ladies 

Hi Annan - sorry to hear ur BFN. Thank you for yr positive words. U are very good with words and it had made me feel better. I hope u can take on some of ur own advise.  to you. 

Benbeculagirl / Ail - hey ya! Ur dinns sounded lovey with DH! Very posh! I'm not sure ant trivial pursuit??! I can't play that sober let alone after a few bevvies!  

Nosila - I am so so sorry for your bad news today. It's absolutely destroying. I'm sure u and ur DH will come to the decision which is right for you, but right now u need time to take in what's been said and perhaps have a holiday and fresh start? 
I don't want to pretend I now how u feel, coz the heart ache of having a BFN is nothing compared to being told ur treatment is over. All I can say is Im really sorry and I pray that a miracle comes along and gives u a helping hand one day. 

Hugs and kisses to u


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you Katree   xx


----------



## benbeculagirl

Hey Nosila.  Just wanted to send you a load of big      and let you know I'm thinking about you.  Has all your treatment been with the same consultant or clinic?  If it is have you thought about a second opinion or changing clinics?  I've heard that this can be quite positive for some people as they use different regimes etc.  Just another option to consider.

Whatever you decide just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world xxxxx


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## annan1975

Hi all

NosilaB -  sending you big   as words are of little comfort at times like these.  Allow yourself time to greive: cry, be angry and don't ever feel you have to put on a brave face.  

Katree - thanks, I'll try to do that (easier said than done though).

Benbeculagirl - sounds like you and DH are marvellous cooks!  As the only option is to self-fund in Dubai, we've been getting through an awful lot of homemade soup since Christmas so your post had me salivating.

Afm - Well for us, the weekend begins tomorrow and if I'm honest, I'm dreading it a bit.  The neighbours have invited us over for brunch and though I've met Mr T many times, I've never actually said more than a quick hello to his wife.  Living out here, I'm used to making small talk with stangers but it's less than a week since my BFN and I really don't have the energy or the inclination.  I know I sound really anti-social, it's lovely of them to invite us round, but I just don't have much to say for myself right now. 

Positive thought of the day - This afternoon I'm going to take a deep breath and tell my mother what we've been up to since December.  I know it's going to be a lot to take in and maybe it's a little selfish of me, but sometimes, regardless of age, you just need your mum.  Right now though, I'm of for coffee with 2 of the warmest, funniest and most honest ladies I've ever known and I just know come 11.30, I'll be feeling that little bit better.


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## katreekingsbury

Annan - ur morning coffee sounds lovely! U can always rely in friends. 
I'm sure once ur in the swing of the weekend with the neighbours it won't be as bad as first expected. Have a bottle if wine before u go... That will loosing u up! 

AFM - i had follow up appt today and have been told I got to wait 6months before being considered for next treatment!!! Very upset and angry. 
Again no positivity for me today as all I feel like is crying and locking myself away


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## Zargus

Katree – sorry to hear you’ve got to wait so long before you can start your next treatment.  What is the reasoning behind that decision from your clinic?  I can understand why you have no positivity at the moment, that must have felt like a huge knock back.  This process is one long wait and it totally sucks.  Just think though, 6 months is not really that long, and it means a nice summer baby next year   

Anna – at my last cycle, I produced 9 follicles.  At the time I thought that was good, the consultant seemed to suggest that is what she expected but only 8 fertilised and from those I ended up with just 2 grade 1s and no frosties.  I know it only takes one but with my age I am also aware that my follicles are going to be less good quality and there is the possibility I will produce less follicles next time.  Hence why I am taking the mins and vits and promising to treat my body like a temple.  I can't help thinking I should have gone down this route earlier in my life, instead of telling myself I had plenty of child bearing years left in me.  Oh hindsight is a wonderful thing lol.

Did you have a drink last night by the way?  If so I hope you don’t have a sore head today.

And I know how you feel about making small talk when you're just not feeling it.  The day after my BFN I was entertaining my heavily pregnant friend.  I couldn’t postpone it as we had already said we’d look after her dog the following weekend and we had to meet the new(ish) DP (yes the pregnancy was a mistake, she didn’t think she could have kids, grrr!) and her little doggy had to meet my little doggy to make sure all were happy with situation.  In the end, it was a nice distraction.  There wasn’t too much baby talk, my lovely DH steered the conversation away when needed.  You may find meeting a new person will take your mind off things.  Anyway I hope you don’t find the brunch too difficult.  I also hope it wasn’t too upsetting talking to your mum  

Benbe – yes I am rattling    I am taking something like 10 tablets a day.  Trying to split into 2 doses, but since all have to be taken with meals, it’s a bit difficult.  Don’t really want to carry them to work, and I don’t eat in the morning until I get to work.  So the last couple of nights I’ve taken them with dinner, it’s eat a couple of mouthfuls, pop a pill, eat a couple more mouthfuls, pop a pill…

Ouch re the sore head.  I’ve got a hangover just reading your concoction of drinks from the other night.  Hope you feel better today!  Not sure you should be using me as a body is a temple role model though.  I am planning a heavy night out one night soon.  Need to have a mad night before I get myself back into the IVF frame of mind.

How was the yoga DVD by the way?

Nosila – am so sorry to hear your news.  I am sure you are devastated and nothing I can say will change that, I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and sending you huge cyber hugs     .  As Anna says, have a good cry, don’t bottle it up.  Have you thought about getting a second opinion though?  I don’t want to give you false hope, but my sister had a poor response first time round, her second attempt failed too but she did respond better.  Anyway the clinic told her that her AMH was almost certainly low and she’d be looking at needing donor eggs.  Well she had the AMH test done, and that has come back fine so she is going to try again and I think they will try different protocol, probably short protocol this time.  As Benbe says, different clinics have different regimes.  Maybe speak to someone else before writing off your chances yet.  Whatever route you take, best of luck and lots of    

AFM, I’m on a downer today for some reason.  Really busy at work but I’ve got tomorrow off so that is helping me get through it.  

Positive post: erm…


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## katreekingsbury

Hiya vetty! How are feeling today? Have u snapped  ur downer? It's horrible to feel like that. I totally understand. 
My clinic just gave me a jack-n-north story saying they have to justify to PCT the amount of amount of appts I have and the length between treatments. Which personally I think is **** because it was only 2-3minths inbetween my fresh and FET. 
I feel very let down and angry about it all, but what's the use in getting all worked up? It won't changed anything. 
I no u say it isn't that long to wait, but it is to me! It is like a lifetime to wait when u want something so much. 

Positive post for today is I'm going to scrap the diet this weekend and eat/drink as much **** as I want to make me feel better! 
(although gone Monday morning I will feel so sluggish and regret it all!)

Xxxxxx


----------



## Zargus

Katree - no sorry didn't mean it like that.  You're right I quite agree, it is a bloody long time to wait.  I've got to wait until beginning of March to see the consultant and I am hoping I can start next treatment at my next cycle but they could well tell me to wait longer, I have no idea.  That seems far too long, but 6 months must seem like forever. 

And no I've not snapped out of my downer.  Had appt with counsellor today and it's actually made me feel worse.  

Not helped by hearing my DH's mate's sister who has 4 kids already (the youngest is just 6 months old) and she is trying for another because they want a bigger council house.  She has 4 boys but wants a girl as that's the only way they'll give her another house!  Makes me so angry.

Have poured myself a large glass of wine, and plan a weekend very similar to yours.  Let's compare hangovers on Monday!


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Thank you all for your lovely posts and hugs, it's been a tough few days but knowing you're all out there caring and understanding does help me.

Hi Benbeculagirl, yes all our treatment has been with the same consultant and clinic - the consultant we have is the founder of our clinic, so as far as I know he is the top bod and knows his stuff, and I've always trusted what he's told us and felt happy with info etc (but maybe I'm too naive?!), but I see what you're saying, it probably would be worth getting a 2nd opinion, I dunno, it's all so hard to know what to do  By the way, sounds like you had a fab night with your DH, just what was needed 

Thank you Annan, I've now been signed off work for a week so no need for me to put on a brave face for at least a week, so I can do all the thinking and cryng I need to, that in itself makes me feel better as work can be stressful enough for me without this added pressure. I hope your weekend goes better than expected, but I know how you feel, it's just horrible when you just want to hide away, it's understandable that you don't want to be sociable. Don't be too hard on yourself and just go with the flow, if you don't feel like being yourself then don't be - maybe you could make an excuse and say you feel unwell? How did it go with telling your mum? 

Hi Katree, so sorry to hear that you have to wait so long before your next tx - 6 months is a massive amount of time to wait, no wonder you are feeling so upset and angry! I really feel for you, I really do. Don't blame your for scrapping the diet and eating and drinking whatever you want, I think at times like this you need some treats to pick you up a little bit  Sending you big 

Thank you for the big hugs Vetty, at the moment hugs always make me cry  but in a nice way, 'cos I know it means people care, so thank you. It is really horrible when you're on a downer, and especially when you don't really know why, that makes it even worse. I hope the wine is out now that the weekend has started and that you're feeling a tad better  By the way, OMG about your DH's mate's sister!!! Grrrr isn't that just the worst story ever! But sadly goes on all the time, makes me so angry and sad that there are women out there just popping out babies for all the wrong reasons and not even giving it a second thought!!!! 

AFM - as I say, I've been signed off for a week by my doc today. It'll give me a chance to _try _ and get my head around things a bit more, I know I won't do that in only a week, but at least it's better than being sat in a busy office with work coming out of my ears and no time to think (or cry!). So am feeling relieved that I now don't have think about work or facing people for a short while at least. And yes, I think you are all right, I just need to spend some quality time with DH for a while and then think about our way forward.

Right, well as I'm not pregnant and my fertility levels are up sh*t creek, I may as well join you ladies and pour myself a big glass of wine!! 

Love and hugs to all


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## katreekingsbury

Vetty - don't get me started on council house families and women with 100 kids! I'll never get down off my soap box the minute I get up there!!! Fingers crossed for march babe.

Nosila - ur right, times like this we do need treats and treats I will eat! A whole bottle of wine, a whole box of choccies, a duvet day and chick flick is just wat the doctor ordered! 
(then the doctor will have to order extra staff to help get my fat **** back into reality and out the front door!!!)

Hope u enjoy ur weekend of wine girls... I am! 

As vetty said... Let's compare hangovers on Monday!!!


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## Nosilab

Oooo Katree!! That sounds just perfect to me!! Who cares about the   (can't find the icon your used lol!) it'll be soooooo worth it    Enjoy enjoy enjoy!!


----------



## Zargus

I wish I'd gone to my doc and got signed off.  It's 2 weeks since my BFN but it has only really just hit me what has happened to me, what I've been through and I didnt realise how much I wanted this until now when I think that it might never happen.  I think I'd emotionally detached myself from the whole situation if you know what I mean.  I had counselling yesterday which didnt help at all, then I went to see some friends who had a babygirl  in August.  They are really good friends, we see each other every week but yesterday I found it really hard (probably because of the counselling).  I often feed her but I didnt even want to pick her up, then she asked if I wanted to help her bath her, well I said OK but really I just wanted to go home and cry.  Then they said about her hubby's sister and well that just tipped me over the edge.  She is playing the system too, a DH that isnt registered at the council house, she's claiming to be a single mum, 4 kids, 2 with his surname 2 with hers.  They both have jobs too.  My friend doesnt get on with her sister in law and I suggested reporting her but she wont because it's her hubby's sister.

My DH broached the subject of adoption yesterday too.  I think deep down to me that feels like he has given up on the IVF route already.  I didnt mention this at counselling but perhaps I should have done.  The one thing to come out of the counselling was something I already knew, we need to talk more.  We both stick our head in the sand (probably the reason for my delayed reaction.  I am going to sit down with him later and tell him my feelings.  I fear I may go through a few tissues today.

Anyway sorry for the me post.  I feel a bit better having written this down and read it back.  

Oh and I've just remembered it's my nephew's birthday this week and there's a party for him tomorrow.  I really dont want to go but I am not sure my DH understands why I find it so difficult.  Another thing for my list of things to talk to DH about later.  Meh!


----------



## benbeculagirl

Hi All

Nosila Katree and Vetty - Hope you all have a lovely boozy weekend!!

Nosila - Glad to hear from you.  A week to start to sort things sounds like a good idea.  I only mentioned the changing of clinics as its talked of quite often in the Zita West book - just that clinics often have tried and tested regimes, but that you may respond better to something different.     

Katee - 6 months does seem ages to wait     Maybe you could try splitting it into smaller stages  - start acupuncture at a certain time, get diet back on track (though by your profile pic you're slim and very pretty anyway so I think you've got that covered!) etc.  Sorry if that sounds a bit rubbish - just trying to think of positive things that could come out of the time!

Vetty - massive      I think I might have gone boom        when I heard about the mates sister.  Am impressed at how you kept your cool.  Talking with DH should help loads, you'll know where each stand.

Annan - Hope your brunch went well.  Sending big   to you and your mum    I have to go away from home for my Tx and stayed with my folks.  My mum was great - calm and supportive when I was around then apparently phoned my sis and worried and fretted when I wasn't in.  Bless

Hi Flowers and Janey - have a lovely weekend   

AFM - tipping it down here, so a day of pickling beetroot and watching rugby planned!  Unlike you other lucky lassies I have gone back onto healthy regime - so rugby minus beer and crisps is going to be weird.  Am staying away from the pub and watching at home just in case  

POSITIVE POST - Have decided that we need a hol soon so long weekend with darling BIL in Bristol being planned for the beginning of March.


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## Janey E

Hello lovley ladies... Just logged in for the first time in days and gone through a massive guilt trip..everyone been having a hard time and I haven't been hear to help... 

So sorry, works just kind of taken over and I needed some time out if that makes sense. Some stuff going on that I can't really go into on here but it got to me and I went into my shell.. Im back now though and feeling strong.  Been thinking about you all and knowing that we all feel the same is a good feeling when you are surrounded by people who dont actually have a clue what you feel.
Nosila, Katree, Vetty, Hope you can see a glimmer of light. sorry you are having a hard time atm.  Life is tough but its the tough times that make us the strong ladies that we are. Katree, Im with you on blowing the diet -  well its already blown and we are out tonight so Im gonna make the most of it.  Been on Slimming World for 5 weeks. DH lost 10 pounds, Ive put on two?!! Think Im going wrong somewhere!
Ail, annan, flowers, hope you are enjoying the weekend as much as possible.

My next post will be a proper one. sorry I feel so selfish that I havent been on here. My positive post for the day is that I feel privileged to have met some lovely ladies on this site (in particular all of you) and for that I am very grateful.
Ok crawling back into my shell now but not for long
Big luv to you all
xxxxx


----------



## annan1975

Hi,

Vetty - Sorry you're feeling so low but you're right, talking to DH is definately a good thing.  I think men often feel a bit in the dark on occasions like these, it really is up to us let them in.  Don't right off the counselling just yet, I think it might be something you really have to work at. 

It's disgusting that people use their kids as a means to improve there accommodation!  Though we don't experience that over here, I tend to see red when I see little ones with their nannies day in day out, not a parent in sight.  My neighbours, for example, have 3 boys under 7 and 4 housemaids - 1 for the house and 1 for each child!  Why do these people even bother to have children?

Katree - 6 months must feel like a lifetime.  I was really looking forward to the arrival of a beautiful bundle in October, but even with all the luck in the world it's looking like 2013 now.  I can't believe February's only just begun and already I'm wishing the year away.  I totally understand where you're coming from - it's difficult to enjoy the here and now when your hopes and dreams are the stuff of the somewhat distant future.

B.G - Hope you managed to enjoy the rugby just as much minus the booze - some things go far to well together I know.

Janey - Sounds like you've been really busy, I hope you've had some time for you.  Good luck with the diet, I'll be stocking up on all things heathly as of tomorrow.................so boring. 

Afm - I have a bit of a confession to make........I didn't call my mum.  When it came down to it, I just couldn't find the words.  I think I might have left it too late.
The brunch turned out to be a very long day.  I woke up in a foul mood and despite DH's attempts, just could not shake it.  My Af arrived today so I'm hoping things will improve as the week goes on.  I don't know if the uterus needs to contract more vigorously having been prepared for pregnancy, but the cramps are like nothing I've ever experienced before, they really are excruciating.

Positive thoughts - I'm really not feeling it.  Vetty, though I cried my way through the first few days, when we decided to go for the FET I instantly pushed all the hurt, anger and disappointment to the back of my mind.  Unfortunately, the failure of one cycle can't be forgotten with the promise of a new one: pretty soon fear and doubt start to creep in and before you know it, you're crying into your pillow all over again  .
Must do better.


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Vetty, if you have an understanding GP (which you'd think they would be given their occupation but I know not all are) you can still get signed off you know, you've been through so much and it's a lot to get your head around, so if you feel you're not coping too well maybe you should go and speak to your doctor? Just because your BFN was 2 weeks ago, in the grand scheme of things that's really not that long ago, and it will take time, so maybe that's what you need right now? I think it's a very good idea to have a chat to your DH to let him know your real feelings. Sometimes those conversations can be tricky but worth it in the end, it's better out than in  It's a shame you haven't had a good experience with your counselling so far, but I'd say stick with it if you can. Is it just that the counsellor doesn't say the right things? Does the clinic have more than one counsellor to chose from? It may not necessarily be a bad thing that your DH has mentioned adoption? He may just be keeping your options open _if _ other routes don't work out  I wish my DH would talk about adoptions (or the donor egg option) but so far it hasn't been discussed any further, so I'm in limbo at the mo as to what our way forward is - if we have a way forward with children - maybe our way forward is just the 2 of us?! Anyway, trying not to pressure him as he needs time to think too, so will leave it a couple of weeks so we both can have a break from 'decision making' and just enjoy the Valentine's weekend coming up 

Hi Benbeculagirl, yes a week away from 'stuff' will do me good I think  You're being soooo good keeping away from the beer and crisps! Wish I had your will power (I used to but it's all gone now lol!). When you visit your BIL in March you'll be just up the road from me! 

Hey Janey, don't feel guilty about not being on here for a while, we all sometimes need some time out and to keep away from FF (I did it several times recently), but you know we're all still here whenever you need a chat or offload. Hope the stressful work situation has passed? Whatever it is it's not good if it's upsetting you that much 

Annan, I know what you mean about updating mum's, I haven't seen my mum since my BFN, and arranged to see her yesterday - I did go but after my disappointing app. at the clinic on Wednesday I really didn't want to, I thought of rearranging but then felt guilty so forced myself to go - I was dreading going over it all with her but actually it was fine in the end, and when I'd had enough of talking about it all I just said "anyway, shall we just talk about something else now...." I hope you are feeling a bit better - hormones play havoc with our bodies don't they! 

Hi to Katree and Flowers, hope you're doing ok?

Hugs to all


----------



## A J

Hi ladies,

Can I join you please? Im feeling a little bit lost at the moment for a thread to belong to but as Im inbetween treatment then Im hoping this is the place to drop in?

I have just had another early m/c after fet and am wondering whether to jump straight back into a fresh cycle (it was a DE cycle) or pin my hopes on a new clinic that we have an initial appointment with next week. 
This is the first time for a few years that I havent either been about to start or in the middle of treatment. If it wasnt either then I was taking clomid which I dont even think of as treatment now as it did zilch!!
Im even at the moment thinking to myself, well maybe this is the time when I could just get pregnant naturally- who am I kidding??

AJ xx


----------



## Janey E

Dear AJ

Of course you can join in... Everyone is welcome here but in particular people who are feeling lost.. I have been in that situation where you are not sure where you belong before, and after treatment.  I too stumbled across this thread and have made some lovely friends who are incredibly supportive.

That is a hard decision to make.... a new clinic can sometimes offer a different perspective and different treatment plans or drug regimes but going for a fresh cycle mentally keeps you in the IVF cycle that we all know and love (to hate!)  I really admire your strength for even thinking about what would be best for you.  I dont know if you have found it but once you are in the cycle it is hard to imagine life without IVF and it does take over your life. Maybe some time out will be the best thing for you and DH and your body.  Miracles do happen, we hear about them and yes there is always a chance you could get pregnant naturally. What does your partner think about the next treatment? and what do you feel you want to do? I am so sorry for your loss. no words can ever make it better for you but there are lots of ladies here who have been through similar, but above all who want to help and support each other.  Please dont feel alone AJ.
Sending you a big hug (lots of them)   

Janey
xxx


----------



## A J

Ah thanks Janey...your words really helped me  

DH thinks I should take a break for my body's sake but is as eager as me to keep trying. I'm just hoping that the new clinic CRGW will help to give us some direction as what to do. I am so tempted to get the ball rolling again.
I'm fed up of the years rolling by and my life feeling on hold until we have a baby- it doesn't help that DH already had 2 children!

Since the m/c a fortnight ago I have been taking agnus cactus which I have taken in the past. I haven't got a clue what I think its going to do for me but it helps me feel in control somehow. I even started doing ovulation tests since yesterday again but nothing is showing up. I didn't really expect anything so dont know why I'm torturing myself?  
Does anyone know anything about prostap? I took it for down regulation during my fet and I'm wondering how long it will shut my natural hormones down for?

Sorry, I sound like such a winger...on a brighter note, just 2 more days of work then a week off-yipee!! 

I hope everyone is doing ok?

AJ xxx


----------



## TeamD

Hello there peeps!

We have just last week received news of a BFN from our tummymummy who we did a 5dt of 2 top quality blasts with.  This was our second treatment with our tummymummy, the first ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks.  The first time round my eggs were not great quality due to my endo so the second attempt we down regulated for 4 months which was awwwwfulllll! BUT the improvement in our embryo quality was really good and we, and the embryologist, we so optimistic when we had two top quality blasts transferred, can't believe we got a BFN 

So, we are looking at a thrid try in April.  Not sure how many times we can do this, financially and emotionally, but I desperately want to be a mummy, i'd give limbs!  

Hope you are all doing well.  I haven't read through all the pages here yet but will do tonight and learn about you all 

Take care.

TeamD
xx


----------



## benbeculagirl

Hi All

Just popped on to say a fond farewell and thanks for everyones support over the last few weeks.

My new round of drungs arrived for my next TX, so guess that means I'm no longer waiting for next cycle!!!

Nosila, Vetty and Katree - hope you are all well and are having time to absorb your news.  Sending you all many        

Thanks too Janey and Annan

The Positive post for the day is something that I have really enjoyed and I'm going to take it with me to my next threads and try to be a source of   vibes (or maybe a pain in the   with  )


----------



## annan1975

Hi,

Team D and AJ - sorry to hear about your BFNs, sending you   for next time.

Benbeculagirl - goodbye and best of luck for your new cycle.  As much as I loved your positive thoughts, I don't want to see you back here again..................ever!

Another couple we know just announced that they'll be welcoming a beautiful bundle this August - that's the second since our BFN a couple of weeks back.  I'm a jumble of emotions right now.  Hey ho, there's always the rabbit.  TBH, I think he's a bit tired of playing the baby subsitute though.

Positive thought of the day - I have a clean, tidy, if somewhat empty, wardrobe.  Furthermore, the beautiful Ben (the rabbit) is about to have a gleaming, fresh, straw filled cage.  I don't know for sure, if cleanliness is next godliness, but my 90 year old granny swears by it and who am I to argue.
Have a great weekend ladies, the new week starts tomorrow here.


----------



## A J

TeamD- I'm SO, SO sorry to hear about the BFN. I'm sending you tons of    and pray you have the strength to get through this awful time. 

Annan- I know what you mean about the baby substitute. I have the most spoilt dog in the world. He shares my food, sits on my lap and follows me around everywhere. I love him to bits, DH thinks more than him (?!!?)  
It is so annoying when people keep announcing their baby arrivals, I know its only normal and I'm only jealous but it really rocks my boat. 

Hi to everyone else  

We have an appointment at a new clinic on Tuesday as feel like we are running out of options now. OEivf failed, DEivf failed so where next? I just dont want to give up yet....

AJ xxx


----------



## Zargus

DH and I had a heart to heart last Sunday and we have a plan about how we handle the next cycle so I'm feeling a bit more positive about things and I've also booked myself onto a positive thinking course in a couple of weeks time.  Hopefully it will help with my negativity because I just cant stop worrying about how I am going to feel if the next cycle fails as DH and I cant afford to self fund and the next cycle is our final attempt on the NHS - well unless I get frosties next time.

Just catching up on what’s been happening this week.

Benbe - wishing you the very best of luck.  I hope next time is your time

TeamD - sorry for your BFN     

Annan – how are you doing? Have you now given up on the idea of telling your mum completely?

AJ – hi sorry for your BFN.  Good luck for Tuesday.  Janey is right though, it is so hard to get off the merry-go-round once you’re on it.  I mentioned to my DH last night whether we should maybe wait a month or two to try to get ourselves more mentally prepared this time.  I’m seriously considering it, but a week ago if you’d asked me I’d have said no I want to try again straight away.  Such a difficult decision to make and you might feel you can answer your own question in a few days.  And don’t apologise, you’re not a winger at all.  You have the same fears and worries as the rest of us   Enjoy your week off.

Nosila – I didn’t go to the doc but I did phone in sick Monday and Tuesday.  Couldn’t have gone in, I’d have ended up shouting at someone, but I am not sure sitting at home moping helped either.  I didn’t get dressed on Monday, but I made myself go out Tuesday, I went and bought my dog a new bed and bought new feed bowls for all my animals, and that cheered me up!  Went back to work Weds and it was hard but I got through it.  

Positive post for the day: I'm now halfway thought my 6 week wait for my hospital appointment and it has gone pretty quick, so I am now looking forward with renewed enthusiasm.  I am going to be strong.


----------



## Robinson84

Hi ladies

Hope I can join this thread. 

I have just had my first BFN  

Hi to Vetty, benbe and Team D- hope your holding up well

AFM- We will be moving onto a FET as have two snowbabies. Just waiting for follow up appointment. I rang the clinic this am to report my BFN and waiting for them to call back with available follow up appointment

xxx


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## rory2011

Hi guys

can I join? I recognise a few of you from Dec/Jan thread. 
We are waiting for review next week as well as looking into changing clinic so maybe a little while before cycling again.

xx


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## Robinson84

Hi Rory

Nice to see you on here hun 

How you doing?

xxx


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## rory2011

Hey Robinson

how are you? I'm ok, just waiting for appt next week and looking a a different clinic too, so we have a couple of open evenings to go to in the next 2 weeks. Hopefully that will allow us to make some decisions about a next cycle. 

Do you have your review next week too?


----------



## Robinson84

Hi Rory

I'm not too bad. OTD today so very sad but i'm sure i'll have up and down days over next couple of weeks 
Yes my follow up is on Monday so will have lots of questions to ask. Whens yours?

We aren't looking at moving clinics as the clinic were at is small and have a fantastic team and great results just wasn't our turn this time I don't think but will know more after review I suppose

xxx


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## annan1975

Hi all,

Robinson84 - sorry to hear about your BFN.  We're planning an FET next month, when do you hope to start?

Rory - welcome, hope this thread is as much a comfort to you as it has been to me in the weeks since the BFN.  

Vetty - it sounds like you're feeling more positive already!  I've been driving myself mad thinking history might repeat itself, but I've decided (as of yesterday) that our FET will work.  I know this could lead to tremendous heartache, but I'm willing to take the chance.  I sincerely hope the course helps to get you back on track.
I called my mum yesterday and I'm so glad I did.  I always knew she really struggled to get pregnant with me, but I never knew that she'd actually had some sort of fertility treatment (though not IVF).  As it turns out, I was her last attempt!  To top it all, I'm just so glad that the secrets out, it's a huge relief.
You're right, though the last few weeks have been hard, time has passed surprisingly quickly.  I'm sure, now that you're back at work, the next 3 weeks will just fly by. 

Positive thought of the day - am looking forward to a cycle with support, not secrets.


----------



## Robinson84

Anna- thanks hun. I really thought it was gona work 1st time  Yes hoping our FET will be starting next month too. Will wait and see what they say at the follow up appointment on Mon 

Hope everyone else is well??

xxx


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## Zargus

Afternoon girls.  This post has gone a bit quiet.  I hope this is only while everyone gets their head around things and not because of any other reason.

Rory/Emma - how are feeling now?  

Annan1975/A J/Team D/Janey - hope you're all ok

I've only got 2 weeks until my review appointment.  The time is gradually ticking away and I am getting ever nearer to finding out when I cant start my 2nd treatment.  I am getting myself in shape mentally, been to a creative mediation session that runs twice weekly so will book myself on some more, and have started enquiries about acupuncture, and I am continuing with all my supplements.  The sun is beginning to show itself, and I therefore have more of a spring in my step, so let the positivity flood my way!

x


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## Janey E

Hi Vetty! Im still here, but not been on for a while. Admit needed some time to get my head around my life and also felt like my life had stood still for a while and I was ready to get on with it again (oh and work has been keeping me very busy, which for me is a good thing!!)
2 weeks is not long for you  now and I  hope you are physicaly and mentally prepared.

hope everyone else is good.....

Luv Janey]xxxxxx


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## Nosilab

Hey ladies

I am still here, I pop in to read all your posts and keep up to date with your progress.  It's just that I don't feel I can offer much to this thread anymore as I'm not really 'inbetween treatment' at the mo, I'm just somewhere in limbo!  But I'm pleased to see Vetty, that you don't have long to wait now until your review appointment, very exciting!  Really hope it all goes well for you    Lovely to see you're still on here too Janey, hope you're doing ok.  Been a while since I've seen Katree on here, I miss her chat on here and all her positivity, hope she's ok?!  

Hugs to all xxxx


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## A J

Just wanted to say hi ladies, I know I have hardly posted here but am still in that inbetween stage- I hate it!!
I only feel ok with myself when Im doing treatment so Im thinking of jumping right back in on my next period. Cant stop that clock ticking really loud at the moment

AJ xxx


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## laurac1988

Hi Ladies.

Waiting for my next cycle too. Lesboan couple using AI with a known donor. First cycle was last month and just got BFN, but figured out why! My timing was so ridiculously wrong it was unbelievable! We did insem based on a semi positive ovulation predictor test. Then three days before my period was "Due" i got three very strongly positive Ov tests. (was still testing as never had full positive). I took this to mean "yay it worked" but now 9 days late for period. I think I ovulated late. Would bet money on the fact that af will show up next week!

Ah well... can only learn... right?

Got my paws on a shiny new clearblue fertility monitor so hopefully will have better luck next time. 

**baby dust ** to all


----------



## Bella4

Hi All

I've got two weeks until our follow up appointment.
Just can't wait to get started again, I feel I've cried all I can over the last cycle and need something positive to focus on. I just hope they don't make us wait ages. All this waiting is a nightmare.
I'm continuing with all the vitamins and I've managed to stay away from the drink which is always a plus. We've decided we are going to be a lot stricter with ourselves this time and just hope the result is different.

Hope everyone is ok x x x


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## annan1975

Hi all,

I'm still here, just thought I'd stay away for a bit to see if the time would pass any faster - only 1 week to our FET cycle.

Vetty - 2 weeks will pass in no time, hope you get the news you're after.  I've been looking into accupuncture as well, but I'm waiting until pay day until I make the call.  How's the meditation going?  I'm sure it'll come in very handy during your next 2ww.

laurac88 - good luck with your new clearblue.

nosila, janey, AJ - glad to hear you're ok.

bella - 2 weeks for you too - it'll pass in a flash.

Afm - Busy stuffing myself full of sweet potato, spinach, nuts and berries in the hope that next time we'll get our BFP.  Am now only going to the gym twice weekly instead of 4/5 times.  Does anyone know if it's ok to exercise during tx?  I cut it out completely last time, but I find it keeps me sane.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi ladies, just need some place to vent. So fed up. Clinic said that they dont like to test until people have reacurring m/c . Easy for them to say they are not the ones having them. I feel like i have been through so much but know so little about my own fertility. Wish I knew what was wrong with me. What do i even ask consultant to test me for. I get pregnant then i miscarry. Broken hearted, in limbo and life on hold. Destroying me. 
I wish and hope that u all get your dreams. 
X x


----------



## Bella4

Waitingagain so sorry to hear your news   
It seems really harsh that they wont do further tests to see if there is anyway this can be prevented in the future.

Annan1975 - I've been eating all the same foods, I'm making sure I'm getting all the nutrients I can manged to comsume. I carried on with exercise up until the week before EC (the drugs just took it out of me and in the end I had to give up). I'm now currently only going twice a week, I would give it up completely but like you it is the only thing that helps keeps me sane   My clinic told me I was fine to continue exercise right through the tx unitl transfer as long as I felt up to it. I'm going to continue at twice a week throughout the next cycle.

Thinking of you all x x


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## annan1975

Waitingagain -  So sorry to hear your sad news.  I can't imagine how it must feel to mc after the high of a BFP.  Hope someone's taking good care of you.

Bella - thanks for the reply, I think I'll continue to go to the gym twice a week for as long as it feels natural.  That said, I think I'll give tomorrow a miss as I've got the cold again - it's less than a month since my last one!  I'd hoped the change in diet would give me a glow, but for now all that's glowing is my nose!


----------



## Eileithyia

Waitingagain - sorry to hear your sad news. Three consecutive miscarriages sounds like recurrent miscarriage to me and that it would warrant investigation!  Miscarriage is bad enough for anybody to have to cope with, but when you have to have IVF / ICSI in the first place its beyond cruel.  Also, I'm sure your wallet is not a bottomless pit for future treatments either. 

If I have understood your profile correctly and that you have had x3 consecutive miscarriages, then I think you should consider persuing appropriate investigations. Of course even if something can be diagnosed, doesn't necessarily mean that it can be treated, but at least you would be making informed decisions.  I can recommend an excellent Consultant Gynaecologist  if you are interested. 

Wishing you the very best of luck x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi AJ, have you decided that starting a new cycle is what you're going to do?  Sounds like it's the right thing for you so I really hope you're able to get going again asap.  Good luck  

Hi and welcome Laurac1988, so sorry to see your BFN, sounds like you've been through it a bit.  Good luck with the Clear Blue fertility monitor, hope it all works out for you next time around  

Bella I know what you mean about crying all you can cry    I keep thinking I've cried all my tears but then nope!  They just keep coming!  All this really is a nightmare sometimes.  I hope your follow up appointment in 2 weeks goes really well  

Annan, hope the next week flies by for you ready for your FET, sending you heaps of luck   

Waitingagain, so sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the mo, all this tx and heartache just feels unbearable sometimes doesn't it.  I really do think you should ask your clinic again about further tests, surely you've been through enough now for them to justify testing you?  Sending you big  

Big hello to everyone else, hope you're all doing ok?  Well, afm, this winding road just keeps taking a new direction - today we went back to the clinic to ask about donor eggs.  We asked lots of questions and got lots of answers, so we are now on the waiting list!  However, that could be anything up to 2 years - talk about being in between treatments!!!  Obviously it would be much quicker if we went abroad, but that's just not the right option for us, so we're just having to sit it out for now until we hear otherwise.  I have a feeling this is going to be another long and very difficult year ahead!  

xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi just a quick thanks for all the comforting words, and a lovely welcome. I had to get away with the hubby for a few days as I was going mad. So we went to Edinburgh, it was great. back now and exhausted but just wanted to say thank you. I will write a proper responce soon when I have settled back in. love to you all!!!


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## ANGELA29A

Sorry dont post much on hers, but just saw post and couldnt not respond.


Waitingagain- so sorry for you sad, sad news. 

Dont know if its any help, my clinic wont do thrombafeelia( probably spelt it wrong) either for 3 miscarriages, but went to my own GP and they did.  Clinic just said next cycle we will give you asprin, as any clotting issues, sticky blood, etc is all treated with asprin, but i said I want to know if that whats ive got.  

Well Gp done the test back in november, the test consists of quite a few different tests in 1 title!!!  so be prepared for a few vials of blood!!!to cut a long story short and dont know really how it came about but test came back abnormal for Lupus anticoalgulant-( immune complaint) retest in 
12 weeks, went to have repeat last week, which they did, to find it had been messed up and repeated again monday and now waiting for the result. 

i really hope you can have the test done and get some answers very soon.xxxx


----------



## Grace72

hello - hoping i can join this thread too. Waiting noticed you are on here too, hope to chat to you here as well.

Well i wasn't planning it would end like this but i started wheezing a fair bit in the last 24hours, thought i would call my Dr in case i needed to worry. He did . Asked me to do the test straight away. Rushed from work , into a chemist, rushed back in the work loo to find its BFN!      He wanted me to reduce the steroids in the next few days . He doesn't have too many answers right now but all he could say was after 2 failed cycles and non on the going to blasts its a embryo quality issue. Whether its egg or sperm NO CLUE ! arghhhhh .  He did say looking at the two embryos they didn't look good.  Not what the embryologist said at the time!  He wants me to do a chromosomal test as DH DNA fragmentation test was good/excellent. Should we NOT have tested me as well before going through all of this! .  NOW i cant even blooming CRY in the peace of my living room, hoping writing this will MAKE me have a melt down and get it over and done with. DH is not here although he knows and is flying back tomorrow. i feel so numb and in shock . 

I just dont know how you find out any answers. First cycle, 9 eggs which i thought was good for my age but DH sperm lacked acrosome reaction so only 1 fertilised and that didn't work due to chromosome issues. Had to do ICSI and this time only 5 eggs this time and 3 failed the process , 2 transferred and grade 2 plus . No one said there was an egg issue , now they are saying maybe it is! 

What further tests can we do to find out the problem. Has anyone been through anything similar and recommend a specialist we can see in London regarding immunes and chromosome problems.  I just don't think my clinic is the right place to go after 2 failed cycles.

Hope someone can help

Grace x


----------



## Sarah Anne

Hi Ladies just book marking xx


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## flowersinthewindow

Hi ladies

Sorry i havent been on here in a while. Sometimes feel that when I most need support it is when i am least likely to seek it. i have been really stressed at work and feeling very down emotionally about IF. Just found out today that my sister is pregnant. I have some good feelings about it and I love her to bits so am pleased that joy will be coming her way. However i just feel kind of shell shocked. Hoping in a couple of days I can feel a bit more normal again. Anyone else have fantasies of just running away and never coming back. I am turning into such a coward.

waitingagain  
NosilaB hope you can find some hope in 2012
Vetty how are you? I love your profile pic, you look so happy

Waiting waiting waiting

we have decided to have one more cycle at Barts and then go privately, borrowing money to do so. We are desparate now. We have had to wait so long in between cycles because Barts is so  busy that since TTC we have only had one ICSI and one FET it will be 6 months between natural cycle FET and our next icsi if it goes ahead. We can't continue waiting this long as im not getting any younger. Very very down at the moment and can't see any hope at all.


----------



## A J

Hi ladies,

Sorry I haven't been on here much recently but things have been crazy.
I was waiting for af to arrive before going on the pill to get ready for another DE transfer in Spain. Had a sneaky feeling just over a week ago that I was pregnant only a month after my last m/c and I was right. Absolutely shocked but so happy...a natural pregnancy after all these years. Yet within a week I started spotting and cramping and today the full on clotting (sorry tmi!!). I cant believe this has happened again. I have had 3 pregnancies end in 4 months now and that makes 6 in total. Why on earth cant they find a reason for this. 
First blaming my age for lack of eggs so I have ivf- zilch, then DE and 2 failed pregnancies then this.
I have cried, screamed you name it today....
I really have had a guts full but the thought of giving up scares me more. 
What on earth can I do now?? Sick of doctors and clinics saying different things but are all happy to take the money  

Sorry, this is all about me. I know there are lots of people struggling on here right now and I am sending lots of    for us to share.

AJ xx


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## ANGELA29A

AJ, im so, so sorry, dont know what to say, apart from life truely sucks at times. big hugs hun.xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Grace72, I'm so sorry to read about your BFN    Also really sorry that I can't offer any advice, I've not experienced anything like that.  So the steroids you were on caused wheezing?!  All sounds scary, I hope you are ok?

Flowersinthewindow, I'm so glad you came back here for some support, I think (and hope) it will help you.  I've also been feeling really down lately about IF, spent most of last week feeling so down in the dumps and most of Thursday and Friday crying - I didn't know what to do with myself, like you I'm struggling to see any hope at the moment.  That is so hard for you, finding out your sister is pregnant - mixed emotions I'm sure, excitement for her and sadness for you, I'd feel the same    Don't be hard on yourself if you don't feel 'normal' in a couple of days, it may take longer than that and that is completely normal and understandable.  Yep! I have fantasies all the time about running away and hiding from the world - most days in fact.  Good luck for your next cycle.

AJ, I am so very sorry to hear your news.  You've been through so much, you must be mentally exhausted.  I wish I could make things better for you   .  Sending you big hugs  

AFM - been feeling really low and down in the dumps.  Just feeling so disheartened and sad about everything....I should be feeling happy that we're now on the waiting list for donor eggs, but just feeling really sad.  Sorry this isn't a very positive post, I wish it was.

Hi to everyone else on this tread or reading this thread.

Hugs to all


----------



## annan1975

Just wanted to thank you all for your support over the last few weeks as this will be my last post here (ever, I hope) - my frozen cycle started today.  New ladies (sorry to be so impersonal), I hope this thread is as much a comfort to you as it was to me.  I hope with all my heart that we all get our happy endings


----------



## A J

Just popping on to say hi  

How are you all doing? Another weekend come around already HORRAY!!
I have decided to give my body a break for a month as its shattered! I said that last month and ended up pregnant...who knows? Who am I kidding... but I really do need time out.

AJ xx


----------



## Grace72

NosilaB - thanks for asking i'm ok 

SInce my last post, we are moving clinics but cant get a definite answer from the clinic.  I didnt realise there are waiting lists for the 2 clinics we approached. One is not taking until end of June and the other is an 8 week wait.... 

Did everyone still stay on folic inbetween cycles?? Wondering if i come of all the vitamins or just keep going??

Grace x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Grace

Glad to hear you're doing ok.  I didn't realise there was a waiting list to change clinic either, that's a bit of a nightmare.  I spoke to my consultant a couple of weeks ago about continuting to take folic acid and he said there is no point as your body can't 'store' folic acid, so suggested I stop taking it and then start again when treatment starts again.  But each consultant/clinic my have different views on that one xx


----------



## Hopeful37

Morning ladies...hope i can join you in some chit-chat?! I have been a member of the Feb/March thread, but as you can see from my signature, my treatment was postponed due to OHSS (have 19 eggs on ice!) and I have just been feeling in limbo ever since. 

Was so frustrating to have had to postpone the treatment but have planned plenty of nice things over the next while to keep us going - and have enjoyed a well-needed glass of wine (or two)!! We have a review meeting with our consultant on 22nd March and hoping that we can begin treatment again in May/June.

Look forward to getting to know you all, and providing some support


----------



## A J

Hi all, 
I havent been on here for ages. I hope you are all doing ok.

I hate this inbetween cycle stuff...Im a control freak and k
like to know what is coming next but at the moment I have no idea.

Good luck Hopeful37 with your review meeting tomorrow, hope you get some direction and idea of when your up and running again xx


----------



## Hopeful37

Thanks AJ...hope ur body is enjoying a good rest, for a while anyhow


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Can I join you please?  I had a failed cycle in Feb. after our first IVF/ICSI treatment cycle, and I ended up having a biochemical pregnancy, which was detected as a faint positive line on OTD as the beta HCG level (pregnancy level) was low.  The level needed to have increased by double in the next 2 days, but it didn't, it reduced.  This is classed in clinical terms as a very early miscarriage.

Anyway, we have got 1 FET in the bank to save for another attempt.  However we are thinking about doing our next cycle fresh because if we do the FET next and it works, then it won't be probably be another couple of years until we can try again, and at that time I will be almost hitting 40, when the success rate lowers.  Has anyone else decided to do this?

It has now been 5 wks since positive/not viable test, and I am still grieving.  In fact, I don't know when it will ever end.  I could do with some support right now.

xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Susan

I'm so sorry to hear about your failed cycle and mc    What a lot you've been through, you must be very heartbroken.  I didn't go through as much as you because my pg test showed negative on my OTD on the 29th Dec.  However, saying that, I was still absolutely heartbroken and I'm still grieving now so I do understand your pain and heartache.  I don't cry as much as I did, I'm learning to put on a brave exterior - but it is hard.  Unfortunately for us we didn't have any embryos to freeze, so that was our one and only cycle, so I'm not able to advise I'm afraid.  All I can say is try and keep strong, try and stay positive and I wish you all the luck in the world.  I'm sure there are lots of ladies on FF who have experienced a similar situation who'd be able to help out.  There isn't a time limit on grieving, everyone is different but try and be kind and gentle to yourself.  Sending you lots of hugs    

xxx


----------



## Janey E

Hi Everyone

Its been ages since Ive even looked at this thread. Nosila! How are you?!! Couldnt bear the IVF Pain that we all go through when it fails and I had to get back on with my life. Done that now and back to the old me. Ready to start next cycle.
Its lovely to see that this thread is still bringing support to people. So much has happened the last few months. Isn't life bizarre?
Speak to you all soon,

Luv Janey
xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Janey!

Lovely to hear from you, long time no speak    I'm glad your little break has done you some good and that you're now back to the old you and ready to move on to the next cycle, I'm really pleased for you 

I'm ok thanks, I still have my down days where I just can't stop crying or just feel really low, but then I have good days too when I can just slap on the happy face and get on with things.  We've decided on the DE option, so we're now on the waiting list with our clinic, but it can be up to a 2 year wait!  I've been told to call the clinic back in 3-4 months as they'll have a better idea then where we are on the waiting list.  But in the meantime, and on the plus side, having to wait a bit (hopefully it won't be 2 years!) will give me and DH time to get our heads around it all, and come to terms with it.  I guess I'm still grieving for the loss of my own biological child, but I've been doing some reading up on DE (and just generally reading stuff on infertility) and that's all helping.  Life truly is bizarre isn't it, you never know what ya gonna get!!  

Take care
xxx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks NosilaB for being so supportive of me the other day, I really appreciated it.   

I feel in a dilemma at the moment as I officially got engaged on 29th February 2012 (my DP asking me, with the ring) as I originally asked him when we went away in Dec. 2011 for our 10th Anniversary (without the ring).  This ring resembles our committment to each other and our future together. HoweverI haven't felt like I have been able to celebrate this joyous occassion yet because of my grief, surrounding the fact that we may never be able to have children, and our failed cycle that ended up being a 'chemical pregnancy' 6 wks ago.

I am worried that this time will slip me by without really properly acknowledging it.  As anyone got any advice for me, as it would be very much appreciated right now.

Thanks for reading

xx


----------



## rachel petch

Awww, Susan, 
I'm so sorry darling! It is devastating, I know!
But congratulations on your engagement!!
The way I ve tried to look at things is that, you MUST cherish each other and talk often,  you also must make sure you acknowledge this special time in you're life, as time will pass you by.
We are having one last roll of the dice and it will be our 3rd and last attempt! I will have to accept if it does nt work, i was never ment to be a mummy!!! A bitter pill, I know!!!!
Good luck on your journey hunny xxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Susan, I'm glad my post the other day helped  

HUGE congratulations on your engagement    As Rachel says, some how you do need to try and cherish this time together with your DP, as time really will whizz past and then you'll look back (however things pan out) and regret not enjoying this very special moment in your lives together.  I know you are grieving hunni, and it's probably one of the toughest things you've ever had to face (I know I certainly feel that way) but you somehow need to let a little bit of happiness in too.  I sometimes see the counsellor at my clinic, and at one of my appointments recently I wasn't coping very well - I cried the whole session!  Anyway, her suggestion to counter balance all the negativity and upset was to try and think of at least one positive thought each day (write them down if you need to).  They don't have to be big things, just little things like cooking a nice meal for/with DP, sitting in the sun, going for a nice walk, listening to the birds sing, watching a film with DP - whatever makes you happy really - but really think about that thing and how it makes you happy.

I know things are hard at the mo, as becoming pregnant and having a baby is supposed to be one of the most natural things in the world, and what we all desperately want.  But we also have to remember why we are with our DPs/DHs - because we love them, and want to spend our lives together, whether that's with or without children.  I know this is much easier said than done (and I'm rubbish at taking my own advice lol!) but we have to try, otherwise it's a slippery slope downwards.  I loved my DH with all my heart before the 'baby issue' came along and I still do now, so I know that even if we're not lucky enough to have a baby, even though I will be absolutely devastated and heartbroken, I still have him by my side and we still love each other, and for that I'm very grateful.

Cherish your DP, and try as much as you can to enjoy every moment of this very exciting time....times really does fly....

Big hugs


----------



## Janey E

Hi Nosila, Susan, Rachel, AJ, Hopeful (and everyone else on this thread that ive missed off!)

Hope you have all been enjoying the beautiful sunshine today.. Spring is in the air.  There are so many sad times and things that happen, that its difficult to appreciate what we have and the good things in life. 

I agree with Nosilas comment that we should all think about one positive thing every day. So i think we should go back to what we used to do on this thread and post our postive comments of the day on here!

Mine is that I am so lucky to work in a beautiful part of the world, looking out to sea and the cliffs every day. No queuing in traffic makes me feel very lucky and the only thing I might have to wait for is the cows crossing the road when they are going back to the field after milking. Love it .

Ladies.Life is hard and makes us deal with situations that we dont want to but that is what makes us strong xxx


----------



## rachel petch

Positive thought of the day for me is: I have a wonderful and loving husband who I love very much, we don't have a perfect relationship but it works just fine! And I love looking out to my garden when I ve cut the grass....... Simple, I know but true. My dog, Dave, and pussy cat Jaffa! I love them too. Simple works, it's people that complicate things is nt it. Xxxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Janey and Rachel (what lovely posts from both of you)

I agree, lets go back to the positive thought of the day - it'll be good for me to get me back into the swing of things.....so here is mine....

It's a beautiful crisp sunny day and I only have a 3 day week - yippee!!  I did a little bit of gardening yesterday, which always makes me happy, and then sat on the swinging chair watching the cat running around the garden like a mad thing chasing invisible 'things' and the bunnies in their run enjoying the sunshine.  That all mad me very happy  

Janey - where you live sounds just beautiful!  Sounds amazing!  Rachel - I agree, it is people that makes things difficult, I like simple too  

So, was reading my book again last night (Conquering Infertility) and I thought I'd share a few more things with you all.  One sentence said to tell yourself "I'm not an unhappy person, I'm a happy person trying to deal with a huge challenge", I liked that one a lot and I think it's probably true of most of us.  Some other hints and tips the book gave were to be 'mindful' (not sure if any of you have heard of this?) but basically it's thinking about the here and now.  Take a little bit of time out of the day to think about what you are doing right now, don't think about the past, don't think about the future - but REALLY think about whatever it is you are doing right now - the sights, smells, tastes etc.  So like in the shower, really think about how the water feels, what noises can you hear etc etc.  Difficult to explain on here, the book explains it a lot better lol!  The other one was called 'Goods and News' and basically when you see your DP/DH at the end of the day, other than saying hello the first thing that has to come out of your mouth is a positive bit of news from the day.  It can be absolutely anything from the beautiful sunset/sunrise, a good friend you've spoken to etc etc, he has to do the same back to you.  I'm gonna try it tonight, all these little things are supposed to help distract our minds from the all-consuming negativity that infertility can bring.  I'm willing to try anything  

Have a good day ladies xxx


----------



## rachel petch

Well girls
It my follow-up today  
My positive thought of the day, is..... I'm looking to the future, busy looking for a villa in Spain for early July for my hubby and I and my best friend and her hubby!  
So I'm gonna take control of this final cycle..... I'm gonna tell my consultant I wanna do it again late July/early Aug!
Also gonna start Weightwatchers tomorrow and Zumba twice a week, I need to shift some timber before I don the ol bikini!!!!!!!!!
There you go...I m taking control!!!!!! Yeah!
Lots a lurve and posititivity today for everyone!!!!!! Xxx


----------



## rachel petch

Sorry girls, my follow up is tomorrow, god, I'm such a dufus!!


----------



## Bella4

Hi Rachel Petch
It does feel better when you take control, we got to start tx when we want to fit in with out holidays. Although I keep saying I'm going to lose some weight it hasn't happened yet lol.
I'm beginning to feel more positive about this next cycle, its only 3 weeks away until I start those lovely injections again.

Hope you have more willpower than me to get the bikini body x x


----------



## Nosilab

LOL Rachel!! Your post did make me smile  

Good on your for taking control! Sounds like a good plan to me.  Good luck with Weightwatchers and Zumba (always wanted to try that!), I'm back on Slimming World at the mo, not for any reason other than I want to.....no bikini's in sight for me!    Good luck with your follow up appt xx


----------



## rachel petch

Aww, cheers girls, glad I made you smile........ Another positive deed of the day done! Lol xxxx I ve never tried Zumba neither   oh what the hell, eh!!!!
Bella, good luck on starting your injections,  
I ve been looking on my hospital thread and one of the ladies on there had intreveinious intralipids on her last attempt for natural killer cells, this is something I'm asking my consultant about tomorrow. Again, I'm taking control!   
Lots a lurve ladies xxxxxx


----------



## Janey E

Good afternoon All

Well Im feeling the lurve for our fellas today and the positivity - Nosila that books sounds brilliant, love the quotes!  I've just been for a beautiful walk on woodbury Common in the sunshine with the dogs and it was so nice I just wanted to stop and savour it so I lay down on the grassy path (if anyone saw me they would have thought I was some sort of nutter!)
and I looked at the sky, smelt the air, and listened to the birds and the occasional bee flying past.  The dogs lays down next to me and it was so relaxing. For about ten minutes I felt at peace with myself. Then I got up and all the negative work thoughts came back and I felt p****d off again.  Came home and ate about 8 biscuits and now feel like a pig!
Rachel - im having the intravenous lipids on my next go.  I start injections  on the  25th April.  My clinic dont endorse this treatment but they are happy for me to go ahead with it.  It costs about £150.00. I think the idea of it is to stop the bodies natural killer cells attacking the embryo.  I've never had it before and this will be my third cycle so I'm really hoping it works!  Good luck with your follow up tomorrow and I totally agree with you that its people who make  life complicated. 
xxxx


----------



## rachel petch

Hey Janey good luck with you next tx, £150.00 is not bad, I ll Definatley do that I think, in fact, with me being all in control again, I'm gonna request it, and we ll fit the cost....... How about that eh!
You walk sounded lovely, I did something a little similar today, then came home to a packet of crisps, sarnie and 2 mini twix bars..... Oink Oink!!!  ou have to let me know how you get on as your gonna be doing tx before me xxxxxxx


----------



## Leah66

Hi ladies  

So it's 2 weeks today that I got my BFN. 

My follow up appointment still seems a million miles away, I paid to go Private for my treatment and although my clinic were quick enough to take my money before hand, since my BFN they can't even fit me in for a follow up appointment for 4 weeks!

The 'wonderful' receptionist booking my appointment quiet honestly said I would have a 30 minute time slot.. What if I need longer
And when I asked if it would be with the usual Dr I have been dealing with she said "no, it doesnt matter which Dr you see for your follow up because they all just say the same thing"
It just seemed very impersonal.

Anyway, my question to you ladies is.. if you have had you follow up appointment, how soon can you start treatment again?.  


To the ladies still waiting, like me.. I hope you get all the answers you want and a positive out look to your future decisions whatever your next step be. 
Oh and I hope you don't get booted out of your appointment after 30mins!!!

Leah x


----------



## katie76

Hi Leah

It tends to depend on the treatment if there were any complications and your fertility history. But we could start again after one normal hormone free cycle. Don't rush into anything though let your mind and body get over your last cycle. Hope this helps - good luck!!!!


----------



## Nosilab

Hi all

Janey - the book is _really _ good, I can't put it down at the mo, just wish I'd known about it a loooong time ago as it would have come in very handy with all the tips on dealing with friends and family etc 

Janey and Rachel - I'm liking that you both had lovely walks today, taking it all in. I know you say the feeling didn't last long BUT it's great you had those 10 mins or so as a little bit of time out 

Sorry I can't help answer your question Leah, at our follow up appointment we were told no more IVF for us so I don't know how long we would've had to have waited. Hope you don't have to wait too long though and that you get given as much time as you need - afterall, that's what you're paying for!


----------



## rachel petch

Leah, hi I seem to remember your name from March 2ww...... I think!
Our hostpital recommends 6 months from starting treatment, or 3 menstrual cycles after bfn, about the same I think! Our follow up is tomorrow, got so many unanswered questions I'm not sure he ll be able to answer! Good luck with your follow up anyhow hun xxx


----------



## Leah66

Thank you for getting back to me. I suppose I will have to wait for my follow up appointment to find out!.
I didn't realise how much patience would be needed during this process!.

Yes Rachel I was on the March thread, I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. Hopefully you will get all the answers you want and can start again soon. Good Luck x


----------



## Madi

Hi ladies, 
I need your advice, Our first ivf treatment failed at the beginning of march (4 weeks ago today in fact) and I've just realised that for the last 2 weeks I have somehow managed to completely block it out of my mind and now all of a sudden my follow up appointment for the 13th April is all I can think about!!! Has any one else felt like this I guess the brain is a very strange thing. 

I have also been wondering about booking a holiday but I'm worried that it will then delay my next treatment - what do I do for the best 

I would be very grateful for your suggestions. 

Thanks 

Madi. 

Xxxx


----------



## rachel petch

Madi, Hi, I totally know how you feel Hun. My follow up is today, and I like you, just kinda got on with things after otd, until a few days ago, I ve been researching what might have gone wrong! I'm going to ask my consultant about natural killer cells, they attack the embryo and force either early m/c or zero implantation, so we ll see what he says!!!!
With regards to having a holiday......... Just book it, really I'm serious!!!! We're going away end of June and I'm going to request our final attempt to be on my Aug af! I think they ll offer me to start next month, but I wanna take stock, have a rest and gather myself again...... Just don't rush into things. That's my advice anyhow, good luck with whatever decided. Xxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Madi

I'd say that putting it to the back of your mind until now can only be a good thing, sounds like your body/brain went into 'self-preservation' mode. As for the holiday, I agree with Rachel, book it, treat yourself and have a wonderful time! You deserve it after all your tx and BFN 4 weeks ago. You can chat to your clinic at your follow up appt and decide when it best for _you _ to start your next tx. Good luck  

xx


----------



## Madi

Evening ladies thanks for the advice, I kind of already made up my mind about the holiday but after your words of wisdom..... It's booked Florida here we come!!!! Finally I have something good to look forward to. 

Rachel how did your follow up go, ok I hope. What was the outcome with the killer cells? 

Hope everyone else is ok. 

Madi 

Xx


----------



## rachel petch

Hey Madi, good on ya girl, Florida? Brilliant!
My follow up went well, ta. I asked about having intralipids on my next tx, and the consultant is not convinced of the benefits, however the other consultant is and I would have to go to his private clinic to have the iv 4 days before et. I ve had a lot to think about, but seen as this is our last shot, I'm gonna do it! I think in the grand scheme of things £263 a go is a small price to pay if it works, I'd only think what if, if I had nt.

Rach xxxxx

Hope everybody else are good. X


----------



## Madi

Hi Rachel, good for you I think your right about the what ifs. You deff can't have any regrets and your right I'm sure any of us would pay whatever we can to make our dreams come true. Good luck I really really do have my fingers and every thing else crossed for you. 

What's your plans for Easter are you doing anything nice? 

Xx


----------



## rachel petch

Madi, I'm working this morning, (hairdressing) then off till next Wed, no plans, got freinds over for dinner tomorrow, and out for freinds birthday on Sunday. So lots of food/wine consumed  
What about you?
I have everything crossed for you to my love, when are you starting things again? 
Have a very happy Easter hunny! Xxxx


----------



## Janey E

Hi Ladies

Just checking in  at the end of a very long day!
Rach - gad you are going ahead with the intralipds. There is no harm in trying and if you didnt do it then you would always wonder if it could have worked.  I will try anything if it means a positive outcome! 

Madi -  a holiday is something else positive to focus on and will help you RELAX!  Just what the doctor ordered..  Also a good distraction as we all know IVF really takes a hold of your life and takes over every waking moment of the day from beginning to end!

Nosila  -hope all is good with you?

And to everyone else have a very happy Easter!!!!

Janey
xxxx


----------



## sunnyp

Hi Ladies,

I have just had a failed fresh ICSI cycle at ARGC I will be going back in a couple of months time for a natural FET so i thought this would be a good place to get some advice

Rachel you mentioned you are having intrapilids this is what the clinic has suggested for me how does this help?  I have also asked the clinic to monitor my hormones and immune during the 2ww.

I am so fed up as i feel i am going back a step each time its so frustrating just can't pick myself up 

Wishing everyone a Happy Easter

Sunny P xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome Sunnyp - I can't give much advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to say welcome to the thread and I hope the other lovely ladies on here can give you the advice you need.  It is really hard to pick yourself up I know, and reading your signature strip you've been through so much, no wonder you're feeling so down and finding it hard to pick yourself up.  So just wanted to send you some big hugs and you're always welcome to pop on here for a rant/cry/pick-me-up    xx

Hi Janey - I'm doing ok ta.  Just back from a mini break to Wales.  We went to the Brecon Beacons and it was stunning! Snow capped mountains and beautiful sunshine, just what we needed    Now just chilling and enjoying the rest of the Easter break.  How's you? xx

Hi to everyone else on here, hope you're all enjoying the Easter break


----------



## rachel petch

Sunny, hi, I think the intralipids dilute the natural killer cells we all have in our body's to stave off cancer etc, some have more than most and the NK cells attack the transferred embryos. It's not clinically proven that it works but some women believe this treatment has helped them get their BFP!!!! Hope this helps Hun,
Welcome! Xxxxx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies 

Thank you for your comments NosilaB and RachelPetch.  I am finding it so difficult to enjoy our engagement at the moment, but we have booked a week away to Tenerife, so will hopefully start get things into perspective then, a week away will no doubt be what the doctor ordered.

I WILL get my head around all of this, I WILL.

XX


----------



## Blondebimbette

Hi ladies

Is it OK if I join your thread? Had a failed cycle a month ago now and don't really know where I belong (on here or in real life) could just do with a bit of support, we have a follow up on 17th but its been such a c**p month since our BFN and just finished AF again which I have been really down since. Easter was hard, lots & lots of tears and found family get togethers awful which caused more tears & cross words between me & DP. I just want to hide from everyone but I know I can't...I am just so worn out with it all.

A few names on here I recognise so hi to those ladies, thanks for listening I will look forward to chatting with you.

xxx


----------



## Madi

Hi everyone,

Well Easter is well and truly over with an abrupt 7am start back at work this morning, NICE!! Hope every one had a lovely weekend with lots of food wine and chocolate!! 

Rachel - sorry for the late reply hope you had a great Easter sounds like you had a nice chillaxing weekend planned hope it turned out that way. I have my follow up on fri but I'm really not sure what's going to happen or what to ask them. I have 3 frozen embies so I'm not sure if they will use them next time or not. Xx 

Thanks Janey I am so so looking forward to it ( 5 weeks on sat ) not that I'm counting. Xx 

Nosila - Your mini break sounds lovely, Wales is beautiful. Xx

Blondebimbette - Of course you can, I know it's so so hard when you have a fail but somehow you have to find a way to look forward. I love this site so much because it's only here you realise that there are people who understand what your going through. Hope all goes well on the 17th maybe you will then feel like you 
have some answers or some kind of plan for the future months. Sending a big . Xx

Big hugs to everyone. 

Madi
Xxxx


----------



## rachel petch

Hi Blondebimbette,
You ve come to the right place Hun, I recognise you from feb cycle buddies, I too had a neg test result, I ve just rang consultants secretary. And she booked me in for early Sept, which is great as I feel like I need some time out, and a holiday. Hope you are doing ok. It's so hard, and I think it s time out that we need, it sure worked for me last time, I was in a better state of mind to start again.
Do you have an idea of when you want to go again!?
Xxxx


----------



## Blondebimbette

Thanks ladies...

Hi Rach, glad to hear you have a date and nice to catch up with you again, I want to get going asap but I think, well know it is going to be DE so I haven't got much clue of how and when yet, hopefully know more after next week

xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Blondebimbette, you're very welcome here.  Sorry to hear about your BFN.  I didn't know where I belonged either after my failed cycle as I'm also now waiting for DE IVF and could take up to 2 years with our clinic.  I know all are different though, so hopefully you won't have to wait that long. So I felt a bit lost and like I didn't really 'fit in' anywhere, but I always feel very supported on this thread, so I hope you do too  

Hi Madi, our mini break was fab!  Wales was really beautiful, we weren't expecting the snowy moutains as our backdrop from the hotel, so that was really lovely.  Shame I can't post photos on here otherwise I'd post a pic   xx


----------



## Blondebimbette

Thanks Nosila, looking forward to getting to know you all, this site is a huge support, its also the only place I can really say how I'm feeling especially if its a bad day and I hate everyone & everything! I'm sorry to hear your wait could be so long I will find out next week I guess what ours will be, are you tempted to try abroad? What were the first steps with your clinic for DIVF, just wondering if we say next Tuesday thats what we want to do what will happen next? xx


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## Nosilab

Hiya - this site is definitely a huge support, I agree.  And agree it's a good place to come when we hate everyone and everything (which is quite often for me lol!)    When we went for our initial follow up appt after our failed IVF we did very briefly discuss treatment abroad, and other UK clinics with our consultant, he explained waiting times would be much shorter abroad and potentially shorter at other UK clinics.  The whole donor egg option was a bit overwhelming for me initially, and part way through that consultation I burst into tears and said I needed to leave!  My consultant was lovely and showed us to a little waiting room where I could compose myself before leaving the clinic.  Anyway, after a break of a few weeks, and lots of chat with DH we decided to go on the waiting list with our own clinic.  We then made another appt to go back to discuss it all again in detail - but without the tears this time!  So basically for us it's now just a waiting game, I have to call the clinic back in a few months to get an update on waiting times etc, but until then, unless I hear from them in the meantime we just sit back and wait.  We decided that going abroad, changing clinic or going with a family donor (I had 2 offers) wasn't right for us, for many reasons.  Although I know from reading posts on there that lots and lots of people favour going abroad as tx can usually start almost right away.  So yes, if you decide that you want to be treated at your current clinic I think you can tell them straight away (i.e. next Tuesday) and they should put you on their waiting list  

Good luck and keep us posted xx


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## Blondebimbette

Thanks NosilaB thats helpful, I've spoke quite a bit with some people that have gone abroad for de but not really anyone who is looking at tx here. Hope that a match comes up for you soon, hopefully with the £££ for donors being increased and that raising the profile of donation in the media it may help waiting lists.
Madi - good luck for your follow up tomorrow 

xxx


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## Nosilab

Exactly, that's what I'm hoping too - fingers crossed that £££ for donors together with the media attention will help to speed things up a bit  

xx


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## Madi

Thanks blondebimbette, I am actually quite nervous now for some reason not really sure what there is to be nervous of but I am. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow. 

Hi to everyone else hope you are all ok. Xx 

Madi 
Xx


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## Nosilab

Hey Susan2 - loving your new profile pic!  Glad to see your showing off your beautiful new engagement ring - and so you should    Congratulations again xx


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## Shellebell

There is a new thread that Agate has done, which may be of help to some of you  
A guide to learning from your failed IVF cyclehttp://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0


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## A J

Hi ladies...sorry long time without posting but I have been keeping up to date with most things.

I really hate this being between cycles. I just wanna get moving now but have decisions to make and cant make them. Came back from Spanish clinic on Thursday. They want me to do a mock cycle before next DE cycle. If there are any probs then to have a hystorescopy which sounds really horrible! I'm under the CRGW here and am waiting for Russian eggs to be available. If I start mock cycle when af arrives then I may miss out on the imported eggs. On the other hand Spain are getting to know me now and a mock cycle may show where the problem lies. Also, with a new DE cycle in Spain I get all the eggs that the donor produces. If I'm using Russian eggs then its only the 1...decisions, decisions!!

It took me so long a few years back to come to accept that I need donor eggs but even they have failed me so far. Just feeling on a bit of a downer atm...sorry me rant over.

Hope your all doing ok? 
AJ xxx


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## Janey E

Hi all you lovely ladies.
Haven't been on for a week or so but just thought I would post my sad goodbyes as officially am not waiting for next cycle as have now just started it.  Will still pop in and keep updated and I wish everyone on here the very best of luck with whatever path your lives take. Remeber whats meant to be is meant to be.

Everyone on here has been so supportive and Ive made some good friends. Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement on my dark days. I hope everyone finds their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Good luck all. Sending you all lots of love and Baby dust

Janey 
xxxxx


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## silentlywishing

Hi everyone, can I join you? My signature more or less explains my whole ivf journey so far 5 time bfner, kinda sucks!!! Wish I knew why or if there was something I could be doing I have my follow up app on the 24th I'm hoping they offer to investigate but I doubt it as my clinic seems to follow a one size fits all policy god know why because we are all very different,my womb doesn't get bigger than 6 which is crap I try alsorts Brazil's, heat... I was on higest dose of progynova but nothing helps I begged them to add more medication in like the Viagra gel ect but they just told me no feel like i'm more of a number than an actual human being to add to all that I'm finding my weight to be a problem at the mo I'm not fat at all but in the last 7 months my weight has gone up by 7lbs... Since first starting treatment I've gained a stone in total the first half stone went on gradual but like I said this last 7lb has gone on quick, how!?  I exercise quit alot and eat healthy, infact I eat better and exercise more than I've ever done in my life but I just can't get it under control I fear there's something being over looked and it's stopping me getting pregnant anyone else have this problem? People tell me it's probablies just all the hormones but I'm not buying it surely the effects wouldn't stick with me this long... Surely I'd return to normal?? It's such a hard journey I feel like my body and mind are attacked from all angles and if I'm being completely honest I'm struggling! X


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## silentlywishing

Hi just a quick add on for Rachel, your names familiar... March thread?? Anyways that's not my real question, these intralips is it a one off injection or does it need repeating if you do get a bfp? X


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## rachel petch

Hi silentlywishing, yes I was on the March thread Hun, sorry your feeling down   with these intralipids you have one i v just before egg transfer and then 2 or 3 after a positive result!
I ve re-thought on this idea though, and have come to the conclusion that if this worked, everybody would be having it as part of their treatment, and also if the NHS thought that ivf was nt gonna work they would nt have funded in the 1st place. It s not clinically proven, and as I ve looked into it further, I feel that some clinics will happily take ya money off ya! A pint of milk a day is enough after e/t. Xxxx


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## silentlywishing

I thought you seemed familiar, I've heard of the treatment a girl I work with receives treatment every 2 weeks for a rare disease she has and her nurses also give the intralipids treatment she often mentions it so I was intrigued to read what you wrote about it as I've never really looked into it, thanks for replying x


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## Nosilab

Hi Janey - So sad to see you go (from a selfish point of view  ) as I've really enjoyed chatting with you. Was lovely to meet you on this thread but I'm SOOO happy that you're able to move on to your next tx. Sending you lots of hugs   and babydust , thank you for all your support too xx

AJ - Sorry to hear your feeling down at the mo, sending you some hugs  This whole process is all about making decisions _all _ the time isn't it! And big ones at that!! It's so exhausting isn't it. Hope you've come to a decision, but if not take things easy and take your time, be gentle on yourself xx

Hello and welcome silentlywishing. So sorry to hear your struggling at the mo, not surprising having read your signature  Glad you found us on this thread, hope you find lots of support from all the lovely ladies


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## Blondebimbette

Good luck Janey x

AJ sorry to hear you are struggling, hope you can come to a decision you are happy with and rant away, thats what we are here for x

silentlywishing I'm so sorry to read your sig, you have been through so much. I hope you get the investigations you obviously need to have, is a change of clinic a possibility for you? I know we did and I'm pleased we did even though as yet we have not been successful x

Just thought I'd share with you all I had my review ap yesterday, it went well in a weird sort of way, the con was great, really supportive and understanding and gave his advice in a gentle way which really helped. The long and short of it is that really DE is the only way forward for me really, he can't really change anything for me protocol or treatmet wise with my own eggs though of course if we do carry on with that we may get lucky but the chance is so small compared to the chance of a successful pregnancy with DE that I have to take my best chance as at the end of the day I would rather sacrifice the gentic link to have my dream family sooner than soldier on with my own eggs and have possible years more trying and failing. And sharing everyones experiences on here has helped me come to this decision as I know miracles do happen but I also have seen how much can go wrong too along the way. But I'm OK with it pretty much, I'm still always going to have that loss there but I think I'm learning that people have losses in life and so adapt to be able to move on. And I've certainly learnt alot along this journey about being broader minded and that there are lots of ways to make a family, 3 years ago I would never ever have thought I'd feel like this so it just goes to show I guess.
So its  ing now that the right donor comes up and we don't wait too long, but we are proably looking at a year  

I'm just praying I've made the right decision and this brings us our much longed for family and that our possible child understands why we had to conceive them the way we did.

Love to you all xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi Blondebimbette

Your story sound so very similar to mine  It is a very hard decision to come to, but I have the same thoughts and feelings as you. I _could _ try and plod on with my own eggs but the chances of it working are slim to none, so we've decided that the DE route is the way forward for our best chance of conceiving. Heaps of luck to you and I hope, like me, that you don't have to wait as long as they say.

Hugs


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## Blondebimbette

Thank you hun & the same back to you


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## A J

Blondebimbette...it is the toughest decision I know but realised that it was the only way forward for us too. I had some councelling at clinic here who explained the implications etc and we took a bit of time out first. But when the decision was made and the acceptance came then we opted to go abroad for treatment as there are no waiting lists. It is so much easier than you think. PM me if you want more info xx

Feeling a little better myself atm...Im going to do a mock cycle when af comes as long as its not much later than expected and see if I can do the real cycle at half term. My patience gets the better of me every time.

Hope the rest of you lovely ladies are well?
Where has the sunshine gone I want to know??

AJ xx


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## Nosilab

Where _has _ the sun gone?! I'd like to know that too? It's like we've gone back to winter! Come back sun, we miss you


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## Blondebimbette

But the rain will be good for the drought and the garden....!!!(how old do I sound!!!)

Thanks AJ, I'm glad you are feeling a bit better, I don't know about you but I always feel better when I know what I'm doing so I;m quite upbeat since deciding this. 

xxx


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## Nosilab

True...very true.  Our garden definitely needs the water! See, I'm feeling old now too heehee!!  But I do love my garden 

Yes I'm glad you're feeling better atm too AJ  

Hi to everyone else - it's Friday! Yippee!! I'm off home now for pizza and wine....just because I can!!  

xx


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## Meikle

Hi ladies, been stalking this thread for a couple of days but just didnt feel up to posting yet, I guess it is all part of the grief process. Just finished our 1st cycle and got a bfn- the wicked witch turned up day before test day. guessing you all know full well how devestating it feels. Been off work since wednesday and pretty much hybernating on the couch. Feeling wee bit better today and making plans for the weekend. Managed to phone clinc today and arrange our review appotintment so feeling like we might be moving on and then I start crying all over again.  

Anyways thought I would post and hoping things improve over the next few days.  

Meikle x


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## Blondebimbette

Hi Meikle

I'm sorry to hear that your in this position too...it's rubbish end of. How your feeling I think is pretty normal and if you look around this site you will realise that you are not alone. All I can say is 6 weeks has made a difference and I'm healing and moving on but its hard.

Sending you some  's


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## silentlywishing

Hi again guys and thanks for replying I have my follow up on Tuesday-eek! Trying to gather my thoughts as I need to be very specific in what I say and do af arrived yesterday which will be my first real period since my last tx my periods are so regular and I'm thinking of maybes doing a natural fet I'd like to see how my body reacts naturally, plus I hate all the med's makes me feel vile! Plus my womb doesn't thicken well with med's maybes it does naturally!?? Who knows! I'm also going to ask for a hysteroscopy (I think that's what they call them) see if there's any scarring there stopping my little embies implanting I'd like bloods done to but they'll prob tell me nicely to go run and jump! I can't ever remember getting any bloods done to check things out, I'd asked my gp a few weeks ago if he'd do level 1's but he really wasn't interested at all 

Blondebimbette what is a mock cycle? X


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## Nosilab

Hello Meikle, sorry to hear about your BFN   Sadly I do know how you feel and how devastating it is. All I can say is that I understand how you're feeling. Take some time to grieve.  Sending big   hugs xx


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## Meikle

Ladies, thanks for your replies xx

silentlywishing: good luck for your review tomorrow I ave mines next thrusday so heres hoping we both get some answers and something to focus on. 

Been reading up on dhea and wondering if it would be worth trying for 3months before further treatment, will bring up at review appointment next week and see what consultant thinks  

How are the rest of you lovely ladies doing?? Feeling better here, back to work and was good to have something to keep me busy!


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## silentlywishing

Hey meiki thanks I'm a bit nervous I would love to just get started again but in my heart I know it's probablies best to chase an answer first, what is dhea? X


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## Meikle

hi,

dhea tablets, becoming more common in fertility treatment particularly for poor responders, poor egg quality and implantation rates. Not sure they would be something you have to worry about given your age- the body had good dhea in your 20's but starts to drop off as you get older. Recommended for low amh the kicker is you really have to be on it for 3months to affect change.  Thats my reading of it so far anyways.. will ask at clinic.

Meikle


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## silentlywishing

H right... I don't even know my amh the bit I have bother with is womb thickness I've tried everything nothing works, they usually put me on highest dose of progynova but it has very little effect I've asked about adding other med's like the Viagra gel and patches but they tell me straight, no! Not sure why! It's going to be one of my many questions today at my follow up my threat is that there's some scaring there stopping it from thickening up nicely but I'm no expert so will see what they say today fingers crossed I get somewhere x


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## silentlywishing

Hi guys has my follow up appointment and I'm starting a natural fet straight away 1st scan in Friday then another on Monday or Tuesday then I think a scan everyday untill things look ready for transfer, really excited about it x


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## A J

Hi guys...sorry Im a bit of a flybynight with my posting. Hope your all ok?

Feeling a bit narked at my Spanish clinic atm who keep changing my treatment plan. They want me to fly out there for a hyst in 3 weeks during a mock cycle. I cant get time off work for a start and when I was there for a consultation over Easter they said it wasnt necessary...

Anyway, what will be, will be. Just want it to be NOW xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi AJ, so sorry to hear your clinic is messing you about    Hope it all gets sorted soon so that you can get going asap xx

Good luck silentlywishing!  Sounds like it's all moving along nicely for you


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## silentlywishing

Very nicely-very fast to I'm happy with that tho  x


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## Chops5

Hello, can I join in?
Got a BFN yesterday from a FET


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## Nosilab

Hi Chops5

So sorry to hear about your BFN    Sending you some big hugs    Of course you can join us, welcome.  Lots of lovely ladies on here to chat to.  Hope you find this thread helpful and supportive xxx


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## silentlywishing

Hi havent posted here for a while

well it's pupo eve and my stomache doing flips, emmbies are being thawed in the morning and I should expect a call at around 10 am, at my last scan which was Thursday my womb was above 9 which is wayyyy bigger than when on meds, this is my first ever none medicated cycle so I know that everything that I'll be feeling (if I feel anything at all that is) will be me blow me some bubbles for luck please, how is everyone? 

Chops sorry for your bfn   I remember you were you on the march thread?? I've definately spoken to you I think hope your ok x


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## Nosilab

Bubbles have now been blown   - sending you lots and lots of luck    xxx


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## silentlywishing

Ah thanks nosilab your very kind   xxxx


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## LauraHC

Hi Guys 

Can I join you? I just got a BFN from my 1st go at IVF too. Well, haven't actually done a test yet but AF has arrived full-throttle and I am not able to kid myself it's an implant anymore. 

I feel completely numb after a full day yesterday crying (thank god it was a bank holiday) - have come into work but am staring into space an awful lot and hoping that I can leave a bit early to go and lie down and cry some more. 

I honestly had kidded myself I would be one of the lucky ones where it works 1st time. More fool me. I am having all these horrible 'well it's never going to work then, is it' feelings too. 

have to wait 3 months for my frozen cycle and then that's it on the NHS - as the success rates at my clinic are so low with frozen ones, I am already wondering why we should bother, maybe we should just go private now and have another fresh cycle. Oh god knows. 

Very depressed!! 

Hope all are OK and look forward to some 'ahhhhhhhhhhhhh' convos in the coming weeks. I really hope this doesn't get any harder. 

Laura xx


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## Nosilab

Hi Laura, really sorry and sad to hear about your BFN  You really do need to have that cry and let it all out. It's such a devastating and heartbreaking time, sending you some big  Give yourself some time to grieve for the time being, you have 3 months (minimum) to think about what to do next, things I'm sure, will feel a bit clearer in a few weeks time and then you can make a decision. In the meantime, just look after yourself and your feelings - you need to be kind to yourself and look after 'you'.

I was like you, I kidded myself that I was going to be one of the lucky ones where it happened first time, that was also helped by me being so positive throughout my tx (which in itself surprised me!), I was so convinced it was going to work and that I actually _was _ pregnant! Then then the thud back down to Earth and reality....

Take care  xx


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## wombat13

Hi girls, do you mind if I "wait" here with you? My first cycle of IVF has been  - well, paused I suppose! - because I've got a couple of polyps that need looking into. I won't bore you with the full story here (I've posted it all in the thread "In Limbo") but I'd really like somewhere to wait and some nice people to chat to cos I really don't know what to do with myself right now - one day I'm up, and the next I'm right back doo-oo-ooo-oo-ooo-wn!  
I'm also quite worried about what surgery I might have to have and how that might affect our chances in the future - got gynae appt on Tuesday to hopefully get some answers...  
anyway, big wombat   to you all and   for the future xxx


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## A J

Hi everyone...sorry I have not posted for ages. I kind of have been keeping myself so busy that I haven't had much of a chance to think about cycling. I cant stand being in between and seem to have been ages waiting to start again!

It seems like ages away too as I have to have a mock cycle and a hysterescopy before getting going again...who ever said this was going to be easy? It does make me so fed up though where |I keep coming across women who get pregnant at the first attempt or without even trying when I have been trying for years.....rant over xxx

Welcome to some new friends who have joined here too...hope you get lots of support and a place to get things off your chest xx


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## Nosilab

Hello and welcome wombat13 - hope you find lots of support on this thread to help keep you going between now and the start of your treatment.  Wishing you lots and lots of luck for your appt on Tuesday     xx

Hi AJ, hope the things keeping you busy are nice things and not just worky things?  I know how you feel, it feels like since starting tx every other woman around seems to get pregnant without even having to really try!!!  

Hugs to all


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## Shellebell

new home this way
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=287607.0


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