# Feeling scared again..



## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi all,
I'm 43yrs old and about to start IVF 4 at the lister after my next period in May. I was categorised as having unexplained infertility due to my age(if that isn't a contadiction?) but actually my tubes were terribly blocked and infected with hydros so they were removed in September. It has taken all this time to recover from that trauma really ( my consultant hadn't told me about the hydros so I went in for what I thought were routine tests to wake up with no tubes! Yes I had signed a consent form but never actually thought it would happen to me !) Anyway to cut a long story short, I'm going back onto the IVF rollercoaster again and I do have mixed feelings. I know that now my chances are better in that the hydros were probable inhibiting implantation but I'm also mindful of the terrible success rates for my age group. Mentally I feel better though because I've been seeing Madame Zhai at the Zhai clinic in London who specialises in TCM so I've spent the last 3 months having the wonderful tasting (not) tea and acupuncture and it really has made me feel more positive and calmer but now that the time is drawing nearer again for the IVF then I'm getting a bit jittery again!! Are there any of you out there who have been through or are going through similar things , since I'd love to hear from you! X


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Happiness 07
Just wanted to wish you good luck with your tx.  I was unexplained too (for 9.5 years) but was really lucky to get a BFP with my own eggs when I was 42 after two BFNs.  I haven't had the problems with tubes and hydros that you have had but I believe that getting rid of hydros can make a big difference.  Well done for persevering with the TCM and acupuncture.  I had acupunture for the first time for my third cycle and am sure it makes a difference.

Why not come and join us on the golden oldies thread?

Good luck

Ellie


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Hi, just wanted to say good luck with your tx. I'm 41 and waiting for my first consultation to see if we are suitable for ivf/icsi. I have blocked tubes and am hypothyroid -i have never been pregnant and partner has no children either. I think our age brings a whole new set of worries and traumas to the situation   but we have to be positive. Hang on in there!   x


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi to both of you and thanks for taking the time to write back. 
Ellie I remember reading your profile before and feeling very inspired by you. The TCM has been a bit gruelling at times but the acupuncture is always the bit I look forward to! Have just had AF so now I now that my next cycle signals the start of the treatment again. I am perversely looking forward to 
the IVF again since it means I am trying to get nearer to my goal. Now that I have no tubes I see all the quiet months as wasted in a way since there is no possibility that i can get pregnant naturally. 
Moth - sorry to hear your problems with hydros and tubes - still good to get to the root of the problem because you want to start IVF with as many problems addressed as possible. I think I will join the golden oldies - it does sometimes feel that you're intruding though but I guess everyone started new at sometime!
Take care and lots of positive vibes to everyone.
X


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Try not to think about 'wasted time' - i think you can give yourself a hard time over every little thing. You just have to think of where you are at this point in time, keep healthy and and look forward to your next tx.

Hope to catch up with you on the oldies thread! (if i pluck up the courage!) x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear both

Please come and join us on the golden oldies thread.  As you say, everyone on it was new at some stage but we all have so much in common that you will very soon feel like you know everyone!

Ellie


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi both,
Yes Ellie I think I will join the oldies thread ! Moth you're right about not giving myself a hard time about wasting time ...
See you both on the other thread X


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Cheers Ellie  

thanks very much, will pop over and join you on the golden oldies thread.  See you there Happiness.

Moth x


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

Happiness 07
I know how you must be feeling, I am nearly 44 and have just had my 5th attempt.  My clinic was doing a DHEA trial so I took that and Wheatgrass every morning and had accupuncture.  We were originally having IUI but I produced too many follicles and went for IVF.  We got 7 eggs, 3 of which were perfect !!  I feel quite pleased with myself "Not bad for an old trout" as my DH would say.  So there we are, always think positive, age may not matter so much? !!
My thoughts are with you and good luck.
BG


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Hi BG

That's positive to hear - well done on the fab eggs! have you had et yet or are you on your 2ww? Hope you're feeling well. Am waiting to find out if we can start ivf, and being an 'old trout' myself - it's good to hear my old eggs may be of some use after all. 

Moth x


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

Hi Moth,
Yep, had 3 4 cell grade 1 put back last Friday.  They made the decision for me to put them all back, I was thinking maybe 2.  All were assisted hatching, oh for a miracle....we would be over the moon to have all three but one healthy baby would just make our world.  So next Saturday we have been told will be our test date.  Just been to Sainsburys and they had an offer on 'Clearblue' tests, £3 off so I think thats an omen !!  I am going to give them to my DH to hide until next Sat to take the temptation away.  I was so happy to know that I could still use my own eggs and to have that grade was brilliant although I know that does'nt necessarily mean that it will work but I think it was a step in the right direction.  It will be really interesting to see what your consultant says.  Just to let you know my first IVF I used Puregon, had loads of follicles but no eggs.  Changed to Menopur, had few follicles but 10 eggs so personally I found Menopur better, it seems this works better on us oldies.  Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
BG


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

I'm really pleased for you BG- well done - and your own eggs!    Maybe mine aren't passed their sell-by date after all! I'll be thinking of you next week    I think it's a good decision to get your dh to hide away those tests - the temptation will be too much for you  

Thanks for the info about puregon / menopur - that's really helpful. I shall add that to my long list of questions! Can i just ask - you had assisted hatching - was that a decision made based on the results of your previous tx? Or did you ask for this? I've also read that sometimes they do the short protocol for oldies - would you know if that's true?

I hope the next week goes quickly for you, am keeping my fingers crossed, us old trouts need to show those spring chickens how it's done  

Moth x


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

Hi Moth,
Had a really restless sleep last night, got up at 05.45 and did my ironing !!!  I truly am going up the wall !
My last IVF back in 2006 we had 3 little ones put back and one took.  Only one was given the assisted hatching, so who knows if that was the one !  This time round they actually suggested it not me.  The embryologist was a young girl who was wonderful, talked us through each stage of development, what they hoped to see and how that reflected on our little ones.  Thank God we had good news.  She suggested that all three have the AH as usually eggs of that age would be 'tough'.  When she did the AH she actually confirmed that the shell was a little hard and that this would give us a better chance of success.  Regarding the long or short protocol I have had both and responded better on the short one.  This time around again I did the short protocol  I had 300 Menopur and 0.3 suprecur for 10 days and then I had my shot on the Monday night.  Hope this helps, it really is a minefield out there !! How wonderful to have this site !!!  Take care

BG


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi to moth, BG & Ellie!
BG- What an inspiring story that you're the same age and have produced such great results! It seems to me it's only a matter of time (and luck) before you'll get your bundle of joy since you have had pregnancies with IVF! I'm stil waiting for that to happen and hope it will now that I've sorted out tubes and an underlying bacterial infection ! Are you at home during this 2WW or at work? I've done both in the past and feel that the time passes faster at work , though it's always more stressful.I'm a deputy headteacher in a large primary school and get bombarded by various requests and demands all of the time. You mentioned the Clear blue sticks - well if I could have had shares in that company , I would have been a very rich lady! 
Moth- good luck with your consultation for IVF. It'll feel good to actualy get things sorted. Are both your tubes blocked? If there's a possibility of getting pregnant , even with one good tube then that's a huge bonus. I've had to accept that with both tubes removed, my ONLY chance of pegnancy is through IVF.
Ellie- I've noticed how supportive you are on so many boards,it's great to feel that there are so many like minded women out there just willing each other on to have their babies. I do feel that this site is invaluable!
Love and  to all !

About me: 43years old. IVF 1 -ve Unexplained infertility
IVF no 2 at lister -ve Unexplained infertility
IVF no 3 -ve at Lister Hydro spotted on scan
Sept 07 Both tubes removed because of really infected fallopian tubes
Jan 08 Started acupuncture & TCM and treated bacterial infection 
May 08 starting IVF no 4


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

Happiness,
A PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER !!!!  I would definately prefer to be off work.  Gosh you must work so hard.  To be honest this is the first time I have taken time off and I have had two weeks.  I go back on Monday but really dont want to if I'm honest.  I think if I knew the outcome i would feel happier but its the not knowing bit.  I think a few guys in the office think I am swinging the lead and I will probably feel the wrath of them when I get in.  The way I'm feeling at the moment they would end up in hospital if they say the wrong thing.  With one week to go till 'D' day I think I agree with you though, being in work will make it go quicker.  My DH has just made me go downstairs while he hides the 'Clearblue', Oooooo could be just like Christmas !!!!  FIND THE PREZY  Oh I so hope things work out for you.  Did I mention I use to take wheatgrass every morning, a pint of !!  Awful stuff but it may have done some good, I read it helps to lower FHS levels, basically I tried everything this time so fingers and toes crossed.
Keep in touch with any developments.
BG  X


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Hi Ladies  

Just popped on here for 5 mins, am beginning to get a bit addicted to FF so am limiting my time on here! DP just gone to bed, so thought i'd catch up!

BG - Ooh, early mornings! Sorry to hear about your early start to the day - I'm quite the opposite, have to force myself to go to bed, am a bit of a night owl. Thanks so much for your replies, the info is so helpful. I didn't even think of the possibility of AH / and that eggs can be 'tougher' when you're older.  I totally agree with you about FF, not sure what i would have done the past few weeks without this site. The girls on the IVF Wales board are fab, they've been so friendly and have given me so much information already, it seems like i've known them forever! And it's a real bonus to hear from people having tx in their 40's as i guess some things are approached differently for us ladies of a certain age. LOL

Happiness - thanks for the good wishes - I wouldn't want your job either! I used to teach - but decided it wasn't for me! As for my tubes, sadly they are both blocked, but saying that, my mother caught for my brother after being diagnosed with blocked tubes. I also have an underactive thyroid which i understand can complicate matters, also i managed to get hold of my DP's S/A and from what i can see, the results weren't fab. So, am trying not to think too much about it all until we've been for our appt. Maybe IVF won't be an option for us but we'll have to wait and see.

Hi Ellie, hope you're doing o.k. 

Take care everyone

  Moth x


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

Moth,
Are you going to IVF Wales at the Heath ?  That's where we are.  
BG


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## Moth (Apr 17, 2008)

Hi BG - Yeah - at the Heath Hospital - I've not seen you on the IVF Wales board tho? Do you ever visit that board? 

How are you feeling today?

Moth x


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## BG (May 23, 2006)

I feel remarkable positive today, losts of butterfly type feelings in my tummy and it seems even more bloated today, mind you I have just eaten the biggest roast diner ever and pudding !!!  I really have to stop eating, not training now !!!  No I dont usually visit that board but I have just had a look, everyone seems really pally, nice to have such support and have it locally as well.  When is your consultation, is it with Janet Evans ?


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi to you both BG & Moth
BG- the wait must be agonising and any physical symptoms are scrutinised every which way! I really hope it works out for you and based on previous stats there's a good chance that it will.The wheatgrass sounds interesting though I'm already having the fairly foul tasting Chinese tea so may give the wheatgrass a miss this timne. I did taste it once and it was pretty foul! It's amazing how tenacious we are - we'll keep trying with something which other mortals wouldn't go anywhere near! One good by product for me of this whole infertility business was giving up smoking and drinking (though still have the odd glass of wine - had quite a few this weekend1)which I wouldn't have got round to doing.
Yes I'm a primary school deputy headteacher and though I work bloody hard it is such a rewarding job- I absolutely love it! Well the next few days will probably pass quicker again once you're at work and before you know it you'll be whipping out those doubled edged swords ( clearblue) . I think you said it was next sat that you are testing right? How exciting....
Moth -hope you've had a great weekend X

About me: 43years old. IVF 1 -ve Unexplained infertility
IVF no 2 at lister -ve Unexplained infertility
IVF no 3 -ve at Lister Hydro spotted on scan
Sept 07 Both tubes removed because of really infected fallopian tubes
Jan 08 Started acupuncture & TCM and treated bacterial infection 
May 08 starting IVF no 4


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Hi girls!

Just a very quick hello from me, and sending you all some     vibes.

Happiness - thanks for your nice comments a few days ago.  I found this site by accident during my first 2ww and the support I got when I needed it over the next few years made a huge difference to me so I try to return the favour when I get a chance!  Hang on in there with the tea.   


Ellie


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi Ellie,
It's great that you are making time to support others with a little one around. I guess you are still in touch with the emotions associated with infertility. I can't describe the utter the loneliness and rising panic at being 43, childless and no tubes. Mt mum doesn't know I lost my tubes and keeps telling me to relax- the number of people who've said that to me -if only it were that simple! Some days are better than others and sometimes the generosity that one has to show pregnant colleagues and new mothers takes it out of me by the end of each day. I think that as the time looms closer to start treatment, I'm getting more and more anxious but also excited-at least the tubes are no longer exuding gunk into the womb!
Anyway take care!
Happiness


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Happiness
I don't think I will ever forget what it was like ttc for so long.  In fact, even now that we have our wee one, I often look at her and can't believe that she is mine!  We had pretty much given up on ever having a child but it just goes to show that you never know what's round the next corner.  I do hope that tx work for you this time for you - and getting the hydros sorted out is definitely a big step forward. 

Ellie


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Dear Ellie,
I'm sure that looking at your little one makes all the struggle worthwhile! I had some bad news in that my Chinese doctor thinks I should delay the IVF - was supposed to go around the 20th may once AF arrived. I've been having antibiptics to clear the infection which probably caused my tubes to get gunky. Anyway my tongue is too white apparently - I do trust her but am worried about the delay. I'd booked a holiday to Tuscany but looks like I can't go.Small sacrifice I guess ...I was just excited that i was going to get going with the treatment. The conditions have to be right though or else it's such a massive financial/emotional waste!
Anyway I guess I have to be patient - it's just that time is marching on and I am 43!!
X


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Happiness
Sorry, I've not been online for a while and have just seen your post.  What a pain about delaying your IVF but I do think it is right to wait till you are fighting fit!  Hope you get the go-ahead soon.

PS: we are great Tuscany fans too so hope it won't be too long till you get there again - hopefully with a bump or a baby!     Our wee one had a great time on her first trip there (when she was about 10 months old) - and she was mobbed constantly by Italian women of all ages who cooed and smiled at her  whenever we ventured out and about  - probably because she is very blonde (not to mention very cute  - at least in my opinion, although I am possibly slightly biased.   ).  My DH insisted on taking her around in her sling whenever he could so that he could bask in the reflected glory.     She also formed a great liking for Italian ice cream.

Anyway - hang on there.  Hope you get good news soon.

Ellie


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## Happiness07 (Aug 16, 2007)

Hi Ellie,
I'm sure you've got lots of stuff to do - being a mum and all! I do love continental countries for their love of the family. Being Indian myself, I understand its importance and of course it is also hard when we're in the situation that we're in and haven't got a child yet..
Still I'm hoping all will change when I have my next treatment starting in June.It's funny how much you want AF sometimes because it signifies another cycle and being ever closer to having the treatment again. I will certainly try to get to Tuscany another time - still haven't been yet (hubby's best friend is getting married there!)
Take care and have funX


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