# So upset



## clo76 (Oct 9, 2013)

Hi, not been on for awhile. Lo came home on the 15th, everything has gone great up until today!! Social worker came for the second week review and lo threw a strop because we were trying to chat. Anyway my hubby sat lo next to him and he was sceaming and crying. My hubby had his arm round he and was trying to prevent him from getting down so he would calm down a bit. He put his arms out to get on my knee, so we let him and then sw asked him what was the matter and he said daddy hit me!!! He did nothing of the sort and the sw said the same but she would have to record it, my hubby is now devastated and doubting he wants to carry on. I can't seem to find the right words for him. Lo doesn't come from an abusive background. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks in advance.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Oh it's so hard isn't it, we learnt early on with our son that we needed to make a record of all the allocations he made, we always told the SW and it was something we worked hard with the play therapist to help him stop. Low and be hold 4 years later our daughter is very good at saying we have done things or her brother has but she can actually be malicious with it do again we find ourselves recording everything and working hard with her to over come this. 
Feeling for you and hubby x


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## Rayofsunshine (Jul 28, 2013)

Hi clo76

I'm not sure what the answer is but I just wanted to send u a big hug   Sounds tough! 

Ray xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Clo, our daughter for a long time would scream that we were hurting her if we had to hold or restrain her in any way - which for some time would be fairly often as her behaviour was very destructive/hurting - and I really do sympathise with how upsetting that can be.  She also told me a couple of times that my husband hit her when he clearly hadn't, and went through a brief phase of saying that we were hurting her bum if we had to restrain her, with some quite sexualised behaviour which I found very upsetting.  We told SS about it as I was really concerned and they made a note of it, but were pretty dismissive really.  It's not unusual for children to say that something hurts them when they're being stopped from doing things, apparently, because the frustration they feel at being stopped from doing what they want is such a big thing in their little world.  I just used to tell her that no, Mummy hadn't hurt her, and never would hurt her, but that I couldn't let her go and do what she wanted to right now because she wasn't making good choices.

I don't necessarily think it's such a bad thing that the SW does record what happened, possibly quite the opposite, because they will be able to say quite clearly that l/o said your husband had hit him when in fact he hadn't.  If your son were to say such a thing in future when a SW hadn't been present at the time, you would be able to say that this has happened before when a SW was present to see that you hadn't hurt him in any way.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I agree with Wyxie, don't go over thinking this - I think it's great that the SW has made a note, it's backup for you for the future.

I'm more worried that your husband would even be tempted to throw it all in over something relatively quite small - I hope you haven't mentioned anything about this to your SW?

We had a really tough time in the early days (weeks & months) and still occasionally get reminders of how it was, our LO was very violent towards us but I never doubted being a father to her, even when having my eyes gouged.

I hope you both find the strength to carry on - perhaps a chat with your SW will help?

Paul


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## HannahLou (May 22, 2011)

Please dont think that this is necessarily due to his adoption or his relationship with your husband, i work in a nursery and have many children say things about other children, brothers and sisters etc and even us! I recall a little girl falling over in the playground and telling everyone who would listen (including mum) that i pushed her! Luckily mum laughed but what im trying to say is lots of children say these things and your SW will know this too. 


Hannah x


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