# How do you know???



## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Hiya


Just after some thoughts really. 


We were approved a coup,e of weeks ago and straight after panel SW mentioned 2 blues aged 1 and 2. We obviously had to wait for ADM decision which came through today and SW dropped the Blues' CPRs off. Meeting their SW with ours on Friday to discuss. Thing is neither of us are feeling like we perhaps thought we would. We have no concerns other than the names are very distinctive and easily traceable so that's a good sign but I really thought I would just know that they were or weren't the ones for us. 


We've been talking about them before today like they are going to be here and we still feel the same but it feels weird not really  feeling any kind of emotion. 


Are we 'normal'    Lol


Xxx


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I'm guessing Troodles it's different for everyone, the same way finding a partner is. Some people have that instant connection and some it grows. We didn't get a "yes this is the one for us" but I'm not sure you really can from just reading about a child. Surely you can't really have a connection with someone you haven't met or had any interaction with.
I've seen lots say they've gone ahead on the basis of no reason not to and that's kind if where we've headed. Obviously we've known about lo for 3 months now and I have to say we definitely feel more just for hearing more about lo and imagining our lives with lo.


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Thanks Becs

Was thinking that way to be honest. Wasn't love at first sight with DH!!

Neither of us have any concerns other than the names so I think that speaks volumes. 

Can't believe how long you've been waiting for LO. Not long now though hun and it'll be the 9th!!! Still got everything crossed for you. 
Ooh did I get the date right? Lol
Xxx


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

You did yes. 2 weeks!

I met dh on the Internet do it kind of feels odd saying about not having a connection before you meet but then we emailed and chatted and got to know each other before we "met". I think some have love at first sight with their partners and then others love grows, arranged marriages for example.


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Met mine the same way hun!!! Xxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hiya
We had a link a few months ago and it felt wrong. I had a bad feeling in my stomach and my heart felt heavy. So I knew it was wrong, even though I wasn't sure why. 
Then we got our current siblings link, and don't have those bad feelings about these at all. 

I'm a bit cautious so trying not to get carried away but mainly I'm a bit reserved as terrified as its a massive huge thing to do  

So we don't feel masses of lovely emotions at all but just sort of know that these are right and feel like they are meant to be here with us. 
But like Becs said, we saw no reason not to and even the uncertainties feel really ok with us both. And as time goes on i just couldn't imagine them not coming to us. 

Congrats on the potential link and in answer to your question I would say yes, you are absolutely normal. Either that or we are all nuts  


GG
 xxx


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Thanks GG

I expect we're all a bit mad after what we've been through to get our families!!!!  At least we've got each other lol

I don't know what I expected, birds to be singing, trumpets sounding, DH and I doing a little jig round the lounge!! 

It is a huge thing so yes maybe we're just being cautious too. Can't think of any questions to ask SW on Friday so hoping that's a good thing. 

Good luck with your link. What age are they and pink or blue or both?

Xxx


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hey Troodles

With Lorettas profile I didn't really feel anything but we went ahead as absolutely no reason not to and DH was really keen as perfect match on paper. Personally I feel I held a lot of emotion back and prob would have felt this way about any profile. I also at the time had in my mind Id quite like a blue. 

However I can safely say that she is the most perfect, gorgeous little daughter and we love love love her to bits!!

Lots of love xxx


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Awww thanks Lorella. 

Nice to hear. I think for me I'm wondering about a pink and always wanted younger but for siblings 1 and 2 is quite young. We could wait for a younger one and the sibling could be 4 or 5 and we didn't want to have someone that's at school. 

I'm sure once we have them home (hopefully) we'll just adore them and won't even think about a smaller baby or a pink one. 

Love reading about your gorgeous daughter. Does it feel real yet mummy 

Xxxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Haha Troodles
I just laughed out loud on the train imagining you n your OH doing a jig to the sound of birds and trumpets    

Yes I must say I have been feeling disappointed and a bit guilty even that I haven't been more excited but just cautious is all. 

Ours are one of each, aged 1 and 2 same as yours and this is the perfect ages we wanted so they are perfect for us in every way on paper. They sound like a right handful though  
We didn't mind what gender but are delighted that it's one of each. But would have been delighted with two of the same I reckon. At least with two of the same and very close in age they will entertain each other when they're a bit older. 

Yes it's great that we all have each other here. Very supportive. 

GG xxxxx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

I am not sure you ever know. Maybe some people feel differently but with adoption I think it is a mixture of going with what is on paper, deciding what you can cope with and seeing where there is a connection and then chucking yourself into it until the love comes and the love tends to come at different times for people.

For me there were and continue to be moments where I "know". Like on day 2 of intros when we arrived to him having his nappy changed and he turned, bare bottomed and grinned at us. Or yesterday when I returned from a keeping in touch day and he giggled with excitement to see me.

I guess with birth children you don't know what combination of egg and sperm is going to produce but you have the gestation and early days to bond. With adoption you are taking an even bigger leap into the unknown.


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

You'd laugh even more if you knew him! Lol

One of each and those ages sound fantastic. I'm trying to convince DH  to think about a pink in the future but don't think he's buying it. 2 is enough for him. Mind you probably will be for once they're home and I'm knackered!!!

So good to hear that you're feeling the same way as yes I do feel bad for feeling this way. 

Have thought of loads of questions for if and when we meet FC but can't think of any to ask Sw on Friday. All pretty much covered in CPRs. 

What's next for you GG?
Thanks BG. Sounds amazing. 
Think I just needed the reassurance that mostly you all feel the same. 
Xxx


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

I haven't read through all your replies, but for us, there was just something that drew us to our son, 2nd time our daughter just met all the things we were looking for and there was no reason to say no, and she was made for our family and just could not imagine life with out her now. 

We knew when we had to say no to children though.


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## Troodles (Jun 7, 2009)

Thanks Miny

We definitely don't feel like it's a no as they tick lots of the right boxes for us so am feeling that's a good sign.

Xxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

I think it is possible to feel a connection just from reading something, but I'm not sure it's completely sane.  

Bug's SWer and I both cried at the end of the meeting where she and I first met, because we both knew it was right.

BUT I've never said it should be that way for everyone.  We form relationships differently, and from what I've heard it's more normal to be worried you don't feel anything!  And love at first sight didn't stop placement being a rough ride, and "fake it until you make it" still being necessary.

Very excited for you!


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