# Hi all, I’m single, broody and have just found out I have very low AMH & AFC



## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi all,

I’m new here, so wanted to say hello and hopefully find other ladies on a similar journey to mine. 

After a few long term relationships which ended badly, the last one 7 years ago, I gave up on trying to the elusive ‘one’ and just set out to find myself. Mission accomplished, and I’m in a much better place for it, turned my attention to the one whole I hadn’t filled - being a mother. 

So, I set out to get myself in order (work, mortgage etc.) and when that was complete I invested hours in researching my options. I’m only 36 so I thought it would be an easy task, a sperm donor, a minimally invasive procedure...

I made an appointment at the Lister, which I went to last week. Having my pre-consultant scan I was floored when I was told that my AMH was 0.4 and I only had two decent follicles on my left ovary. I had two more teenie ones and two or three teenie ones on my right (when the lovely nurse could eventually find it!). 

Queue a restless hour long wait for the consultant and again, as lovely as he was, received the news ‘it’s now or never’. 

Whilst it was always my intention to start my journey to becoming a parent ASAP, I naively thought it would be on my terms...never did I think it might not happen. 

So now I’m anxiously awaiting AF so that I can have my FSH levels checked (anticipating further bad news there) then hopefully starting my first IVF cycle in March. 

Whilst I’m happy to go it alone, my dad, his girlfriend and my best friend have been absolutely amazing and I’m so thankful I have them as support. 

xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Broody
Your AMH isn't a reflection of quality but of egg reserve so even with a low AMH there will be proption of normal eggs will be higher than a 40 year old with same AMH.  All you can do is see how you respond to IVF: you may be pleasantly surprised.  I'd be inclined to do a few cycles if you can and bank some frozen embryos then do a FET transfer.  Obviously if you only end up with a couple of embryos then I'd say put them back fresh and see how you go.  Otherwise if you can get say 6 x 5 day embryos banked then you have a good chance of a pregnancy and a sibling.  Fresh successful cycle now would limit opportunity for a sibling if that's something you would like because by the time you got around to another cycle you will be that much older.
Good Luck. 
TCCx


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## Saltysea (Apr 8, 2019)

Hey Broody

I had similar news to you last year. I am now 36 and with an AMH of 0.9 also at the Lister. It's **** news to get. It takes time to work through it. If you start feeling depressed or anxious, please know that cognitive-behavioural therapy can really help a huge amount in a short space of time to teach you some skills to deal with this. 

All I can say, I think the Lister is the best place you can be. Do at least one cycle, see how you respond and talk to the consultants about your chances. My first cycle was surprisingly good.

I hope this doesn't upset you, but think about how you feel about egg donation?

To me having a child is about family and having the experiences of being a mother to a child that's growing up, not the genetic connection. My plan is to do 3 cycles and if that fails, I'll move on to egg donation. Of course, it's different for everyone but I just want to make sure you know your chances of having a child are still there, irrespective of your AMH.

Good luck, hun!


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## Saltysea (Apr 8, 2019)

Oh and broody - read the three documents on the Lister homepage under treatment - diminished ovarian reserve. There are 3 pdf's that are really well written and relevant to our situation. These really helped me as opposed to the dangers of googling (try and avoid google)!


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Thanks TCC & Salty. As a minimum it’s nice not to feel totally alone  

TCC - Thanks for the advice, it makes sense. I’ll definitely keep your suggestion in mind as I go through. I guess I’ll have to get good about assessing my options in advance but making relatively quick decisions at the situation changes. 

Salty - Yep, I’m definitely comfortable with my decision to go with the Lister. (Thanks for the links!) I read up on so many clinics, but the Lister felt like the right fit for me when starting this journey. I’ve considered ED. Whilst I’d obviously prefer to use OE if I need to make the call to use DE then I will. I agree that being a parent isn’t just genetics. 

AFM, I’ve actually managed to secure donor sperm! No one tells you how difficult that process is. The first two I chose were either unavailable (by an hour or two) or no longer UK compliant, so getting that email from Xytex yesterday was a relief.


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Hi there, I went it alone and have a 2yr old, it was a pretty long journey for me with recurrent miscarriage but totally worth it. I would go into 1st cycle with an open mind and see how you respond-you almost need to treat it as a practice run and take it scan by scan as its all unknown. My 1st cycle was cancelled as although I had lots of follies they just weren't growing and it floored me. I have pcos so they kept going on about being careful that I wasnt overstimulated and having it cancelled just hadn't entered my head!! The next cycle they altered the drug strength and all was fine,I just had to learn not to overthink and try micro manage it all as its impossible to! I had decided to move to DE if my last OE hadn't worked, the genetics just aren't important to me,several friends have moved to DE as well. The Lister are great, I was at Zita West and they were fab. Lots of luck!


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Thanks, KittyKat.

That's the thing I'm learning really fast...for everything you _*do*_ think of, there's always 10 more you haven't. And, I'll definitely go crazy if I try to micro manage it all.

It's just hard.

And so distracting. It's all I think about now.

All day every day.

Anyone else have that? Does it pass?

I'm glad your dream came true! It must be so rewarding and special <3

xxx


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## Saltysea (Apr 8, 2019)

Completely had that, it can really take over your life if you let it. The cognitive behavioral therapy tips and funny enough the Calm app really helped in putting this back into perspective for me. It sucks but there are so many other problems one can have that are as bad or worse as well. And this can so quickly have a happy ending. If you are not against egg donation then you have little to worry about, it’s a matter of time until you will have yourself a baby. Not that I‘m minimizing this or saying you don’t have a right to be upset! I panicked and got really anxious at the start and sometimes in between, but as a whole I have been able to feel the above more often than not.


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Thanks Salty. 

I think I’ve worked my plan (as much as I can until the situation changes it!) which has helped me feel a bit more settled. I need to find the money for it but hey. 

Cycle 1: Freeze all if any eggs are retrieved, then make it to blast and finally are good enough quality to freeze. (There’s a lot of ifs and buts in there.)

Cycle 2 (if the above is successful): fresh transfer with any remaining quality blasts frozen.

Cycle3: FET transfer if the fresh cycle didn’t work and there were frozen blasts from cycle 1. 

Cycle 4: Another FET transfer if I have remaining blasts OR at this point I’ll move onto DE FET

Cycle 5: Remaining DE via FET if any viable blasts.

It’s possibly a very naive plan right now but it’s oddly calming just to have it.  

I’m not due to see the consultant again before my cycle so I’ll discuss it with the Nurse at my Nurse Consultation and then maybe email or call my consultant to discuss. 

Thanks for your words of wisdom, it’s really helped. 

xxx


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

It does tend to take over your life! I think having a plan really helps, I found the limboland the worst-when you are waiting inbetween treatments but having a plan really helped plus I knew what I was going to do if needed to move on to DE. The nurses used to tell me not to think negatively but it wasnt negative it was have a plan In place if needed so I didn't then waste time. Plus I found I got really depressed after my miscarriages if didn't have a focus. I even contacted a clinic abroad so was ready to go if OE didn't work,there are so many out there that I wanted to know where I would go etc. Being a Mummy is amazing and I am so grateful every day for my boy, there was a time I didn't think it would happen for me but you just have to keep going, I was determined to do everything I could so if for some reason it never happened then at least I couldn't regret not trying


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## Saltysea (Apr 8, 2019)

Broody, I think that's a very solid, sensible plan and open to most possible outcomes! Hopefully it will be cut nice and short by good news!
Mine was similar, 3 fresh cycles, transfer if the doctor recommended it, frozen transfers of any left-overs and then DE. We are in such a similar rubbish boat   and will probably be cycling together at the Lister in March. By the way, I super admire and respect how your are doing this as a single lady and taking it all in your stride so soon (it took me a lot longer to digest)! Yay, woman power! 

Definitely make sure the consultant gives you some time before the transfer when they know exactly what you are working with and be very clear about what your priorities are so they can suggest the best plan for it. 

Couldn't agree with you more Kittykat and so happy it worked out for you! Enjoy every moment with the one good thing that surely comes out of this terrible situation, which is an appreciation for the things that really matter. 

It's so nice to hear how open both you ladies would also be about DE, because I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me for not caring more. It was actually my husband that insisted on trying at least a few times with my own eggs, which I suppose is endearing


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Saltysea - I said really early on that I would be happy to move to DE, I was in the clinic after my 1st fet miscarriage and the lady I was speaking to pointed at all the photos on top of a unit and said each of those are DE babies and it made me realise just how many people go down that route and how amazing it is that we have that option. I don't think genetics are particularly important and once that baby is growing inside you then its your body influencing it. Several friends have DE babies and they are so happy that they have had the chance to become a Mummy- at the end of the day a take home baby is what we all want and how you get there isn't a big deal. 2 of the babies also look just like their Mummy!!
You are right that it teaches you to not stress over small things- I lost 7 babies before I had him and compared to that so much in life just isn't worth worrying about


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi both,

Happy lazy Sunday (hopefully!).  

It’s great to hear you’re both comfortable with DE. I feel like it could be a bit of a contentious subject dependant on people’s views - I did see an anti-DE thread on here somewhere and it made me feel sad. 

I’m a bit down today though as I’ve had a couple of people say if it is meant to be, it will be. And I just feel like, so if it doesn’t happen then I’m not meant to be a mum?   And that doesn’t feel right  

I know they mean to cheer me up and give me hope (as they’re wonderful people), but they also both have two beautiful children and so I’m just feeling a bit angsty and sorry for myself as I wait to start. 

Sorry for the moan!

On the positive side of things, my donor sperm should be arriving on Wednesday at the Lister and I should be due AF this week which means I can get my FSH levels checked ready to start on my next cycle (which could actually be the end of this month!)

xxxx


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## Saltysea (Apr 8, 2019)

Hey broody, definitely an overcast wintery lazy Sunday!

Head's up, this is a preachy post - I warn you!

I think it's great you decided to be open and tell people - on the positive side you are going to discover some amazing supportive friends (and you won't need to hide and make up stories to hide what you are going through) and some friends are going to be just uninformed. I try to see it like that. I would have been quite anti-IVF too a few years ago, although also feeling it's an individual choice...until it happens to you. People will say insensitive and silly things that will rile you up. I really tell myself that they are just uninformed. They don't mean to hurt you and they aren't bad friends or bad people, they just can't relate and are maybe less empathic than some other friends. I mean, that 'if it's meant to be, it will be' - really?, so... if their kid or partner ends up with cancer...will that be their attitude? If someone they love is in a car accident... ah well, then.... It's just a silly quote, the world doesn't work that way. You want something, you fight for it. You inform yourself, you collect together all your resources and you come up with the best possible plan and you go for it. That's my opinion, that's what I would teach my children. If their children get bullied at school, will they shrug and say 'ah, it's just meant to be'. You don't sit around and wait for the world to give you what you want, you go for it. That's clearly also what you believe (I mean, wow, you have already organised the sperm!) and you should be so proud of that. Hold your head up high and always remind yourself what advice you would give your daughter if she came to you in this situation. And, in a twisted way they are right, because you are a fighter, you will make this work and in the end it 'will be'.
Also, when it comes to people that are anti-DE, I totally respect that and they don't have to do it. I'm just grateful, I don't feel that way because then I would be far more panicked about my current situation and the years of TTC to come. From all the reading I have done on these forums, I have not come across one person that regretted going the DE route and in fact, the thing most of them comment on, is that they wish they had moved on to DE earlier, saving themselves all the pain and costs of unsuccessful OE cycles. The ladies that are poor-responders and persist and persist with OE-IVF, sometimes succeed, and that is awesome for them but I feel it comes at a very high price for some with regard to their relationship, their career and their mental and physical health. 

Hope that was helpful and maybe even cheered you up and not too preachy or patronising   ...it's just the thoughts that I have put together during my own journey and keep reminding myself. Feel free to tell me to mind my own business in future


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## Pognut (Apr 8, 2012)

Just to add something that my amazing infertility counsellor said to me recently about DE - she has seen a lot of people give up on OE and move to DE, and she said that *not a single one of them* had ever said, after their children were born, that they regretted it. I'm struggling with moving on to a new donor having had my sister as our donor for my first few goes at DE, and found that really comforting. 

I don't have anything to add to Saltysea's excellent take-down of people who think "if it's meant to be, it will be" is an appropriate thing to say to someone with infertility, other than hell yes. It's up there with "just relax and it will happen" in my top 10 of "Comments I Am Proud Not To Have Responded To With Sarcasm/Rudeness/Violence"... Best of luck. All we can do is keep trying.


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Thanks Salty & Pognut, both of your replies brought a smile to my face and I’m feeling much happier today! 

The only thing bothering me now is waiting for my AF so I can have my FSH tested and then cycle next month. I have a feeling that my AF is going to end up with day 3 over the weekend so trying to work out if day 2 or 4 or 5 is next best for the reading. I’ll phone the clinic tomorrow to find out. 

Hope you ladies are well. 

xxx


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