# Unsupportive husband



## Florence5 (Oct 23, 2012)

Hi ladies, best of luck wherever you are in your cycles  

H and I tried fresh IVF 2 years ago (I have a long thread about how unsupportive he was on this site back then) and froze 2 embies.  It's taken 2 years to get the marriage back on track and given I'll be 42 in a couple of months decided to try for the remaining ones this month - it was a struggle getting H to sign the papers - having tried to play it down, saying it probably wouldn't work and that it would feel a bit like closure given my chances etc, etc, he signed them and on Monday I have my scan being day 7/8 in my natural cycle.  Casually tonight I mentioned this to him (having tried to be clever and down play it all) and simply asked him if he would take me to the clinic when it came to the day of transfer.  Like ground hog day all over again he told me how busy he is right now and that I can easily drive myself, that it's not a big deal and he doesn't need to be there, I probably won't get a positive etc etc.  

Is it so wrong to feel hurt by this? I acknowledge that I've tried to be cool about this whole process second time around in order to not freak him out, but just a little smidgen of support really wouldn't go amiss.  In the end he did drive me for the first transfer but with all the rows it was a very stressful time and after the 2 weeks got a BFN.  At the time, in the clinic, he held my hand and seemed genuinely concerned but I just don't want to go through the whole saga of dragging him along if he's just going to make me feel sad, stressed or miserable, like he's doing me some kind of favour.

Anyone experience something similar? I don't get that he'd sign the papers and be open to the possibility of us having a baby but seem so uninterested in actually taking me to the clinic when it comes down to it.


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## blackdog (Dec 4, 2011)

I really feel 4 u, my husband isn't a nice person but I have to stay as we have frosties. Ivf is so difficult without the hassle of an unsupportive partner  if u want to PM me if it wd help then please do. Best wishes.


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## Dee55 (May 3, 2013)

Hi Florence,

I didn't want to read and run, but I thought I'd share my experience with you.

My husband is great, but like every other man trying to please his wife (or shut her up)     is just doing it for my sake.

I've driven myself to the clinic and back on all of my transfers. Just stay positive and focused. This is for you not him. Relax, you are a strong independent woman and can do this with or without him! PMA!

All the best 
Dee xxx


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## Florence5 (Oct 23, 2012)

Dee and Blackdog, thank you so much for your replies - reading your responses really helped actually so thank you ladies for taking the time  the night I asked him I was still very emotional being early in my cycle which compounded things a bit, he kept trying to be "nice" later on making dinner but being a bloke, really just doesn't get it and I guess I have to accept that.  

Like a complete donut I went to the hospital yesterday for the scan and got my date wrong given I'm not due to see them for another week! feel like I'm going a little nuts over here........doh! 

Anyway, thanks again, means a lot, we're not alone! x x x x x


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