# "7 Things You Didn't Know About Women Using IVF" - article from Huff Post



## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

This is absolutely spot on. For those of you who are 'out out' with infertility (I am kinda half in, half out at the moment) this is a great article to share on that popular social media site 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-things-you-didnt-know-about-women-using-ivf_us_5775059ee4b0ee1c313dce1a?ir=UK+Lifestyle

/links


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Thanks for posting this link. 'Spot on' is certainly the word. It's so comforting to know there are others out there who just get it. Good article xx


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## Northern (Sep 26, 2015)

What a great article, completely sums it up!


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## AngelJ (Jan 19, 2016)

This post is just my personal thoughts and feelings and I respect completely other people think and feel different ways but I think I'm handling my IVF experience very differently from this article.  

I love hearing about my friends and relatives pregnancies and feel happy for them, and I'm happy to know and learn more about their children.  They may have chosen to not tell me about the difficulties they have experienced in having those children......I wish the best for them, and hope they wish the best for me too....what happens.... you eventually have a child and then choose to take an interest in your friends and families children?

Why should I keep what I am going through secret?

I'm not keeping any part of the process hidden. I don't see why I should.  I am shocked at the amount I just didn't know before I started out ......even basic stuff like when ovulation is, what a uterus is and how a women's fertility level crashes......and sometimes can crash much earlier than 40.  If other women had been more open with me then I would have learnt this much much sooner (and it also didn't help I didn't learn/study much biology.....).  I believe talking about it openly helps other women, who haven't experienced these treatments and the emotional pain involved understand.  It also helps me.  Some of the comments made are ignorance and aren't meant to hurt. By letting the people around me know whats going on they understand better......and it helps that they understand there are days I am experiencing huge amounts of physical, or emotional pain and dealing with this in the best possible way I can......I'm not just 'being grumpy'.    I've discussed my treatment with the younger women at work who aren't considering getting pregnant till they are 30 something, closer colleagues who may or may not have children, my boss ( who experienced 7 rounds of failed ivf himself) and my wider family, and many friends.

Perhaps I am still early in the process.....give it another year or two, perhaps I will feel differently.

What I have found though, is that when I have shared my experiences with friends, who perhaps I thought had children "easily", they then open up to me about the struggles they went through. They have been supportive and shared with me the experiences they have suffered with.  The miscarriages I knew nothing about.  The treatments they had.  That it actually took them years.  At the time I didn't know anything about this.  I wasn't trying to have children and they chose to keep this secret.

Unless we open up and talk about this, I think we are making assumptions.  I would like to treat myself kindly, and I would also like to treat kindly the friends and family who have had miscarriages, IVF treatment, donor eggs, still births, natural deliveries, no children, and have had children.  I just cannot make the assumption that I know the reality of their experience.  I can't divide the world into infertile people struggling, and a happy other group who have children whenever they wish who I should avoid, and resent.

Sharing pain is hard, I am not saying it is easy.  I do think it is important though as it connects us to others.


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## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

Some good points Angel and I'm with you on a few of them. Like I say, I'm half out about my infertility which means that if people ask me when I'm going to have kids, I will now answer them honestly. But in the beginning it was a very lonely experience for me as I didn't really know anyone who had gone through it. Then as the miscarriages happened and more pregnant friends started announcing, it hurt. It's a very common feeling. It doesn't mean that I wasn't happy for them but I was sad for me too. The article is definitely written with generalisations but journalism (particularly short pieces like these) has to, to an extent. It won't be able to cover every single feeling - for me, it summed up the most common feelings and elements of the journey. 

I in no way see anywhere in the piece which tells us that we should be resenting people or groups of people. Nowhere. I see the piece as aimed at people who have NOT been through the journey and so don't know what MAY be going through the minds of women who have or are. I also see nowhere in the article that we "should" be keeping our journey a secret. It just so happens that many, many, many women choose to - again, it's a common thing about infertility. It's not an instruction to those of us who are going through it.

Infertility is still very much somewhat of a taboo (although the tide is turning) so I welcome pieces like this as it's all part of getting it out in the open.


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

I love this article and may consider putting it on my ** wall.  Like others, I'm half out.  I think I'm not fully 'out' as I still feel quite ashamed of my infertility (even though we have male factor infertility!) and think that people will look at me and think that it hasn't happened because I'm old and overweight!  I also find it hard when people say about people they know who had failed ivfs etc and then it happened naturally as although they are only trying to encourage me, we don't have any sperm so that will never happen to us!

I get asked all the time if I've got kids and always find that hard to answer as the straightforward 'no' always then stops the conversation.  I try to be happy for others as much as I can but after over 3.5 years and the nearing prospect that I'll never have a child, the pain is becoming too much to bear and I have to avoid social things involving children.  I feel like such a social outcast as everyone I know as children and at every event I just stand there like a lemon whilst everyone talks about their kids.  It really highlights that there is this world I'm not part of and I've no longer got much in common with my friends.....


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## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

Magicpillow, I'm so sorry to hear that you feel ashamed about infertility. This is exactly the reason why articles such as this, plus more in-depth ones, are so important in my opinion. It will work towards making the world aware that infertility is normal and not something that can be cured by yoga retreats, handstands after sex or by "not trying as hard". More awareness will mean fewer ashamed couples because it's so sad that shame is a big part of this for so many. I don't feel ashamed any more as forums like this plus a couple of private F.B groups have enabled me to 'meet' others on similar journeys but it is still frustrating having to explain to people that "just relaxing" or "taking a holiday" isn't going to cure low sperm counts. It was a huge battle for me to overcome that part - I wouldn't have been able to do it without my psychologist. I can see you've had a tough journey so far and I pray that you get your deserved happy ending. X


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## AmeliaH (Apr 12, 2016)

for me and my dh it was very tough to talk about our failed attempts including assisted. and it still is.  
from the other hand, sharing good news was a pleasure. maybe i shouldn't have revealed our bfp so early but still i did. i hope that for many of us trying this will be cheering us. there's light in the end of any tone  i guess


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