# Fertility roller coaster!



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi all

I guess I'm posting today as a way of coping with what is the fertility roller coaster.  After being 2 weeks late but several negative pregnancy tests I was brought back in to have a scan to see what was going on yesterday. Unfortunately no pregnancy so the next stage was to induce a bleed/period.  So not only did that last little bit of hope for this cycle go but the next thought was how is my poor body and emotional state going to cope with yet more hormones!! I've spent most of the weekend exhausted and feeling nauseous just to trick me into thinking I could indeed be pregnant perhaps? but no...
however luckily(??) my period has come today so at least I don't need the provera.  So now back on the clomid for more headaches and hormones and a mixture of excitement, anticipation and trepidation as the next cycle begins.  

I keep telling myself this could be the month - the positives are that I've read that both the sperm and eggs we produce this month will be affected by the diet and lifestyle 2-3 months ago and I have now been alcohol, caffeine and aspartame free  for 2.5 months now so really hoping this could make the difference, as well as juicing, eating bloody sunflower seeds and all the other random things in my fertility diet!!  Is anyone else trying this?

I've also really been struggling with work recently, especially as I work in mental health and feeling emotional myself it's hard then to be able to stay strong for others!  My husband has been amazing but otherwise it feels like quite a lonely journey, I've told a few people but I find that people tend not to understand so it's put me off sharing much, which I guess why I've posted here as I know I need support.  I've had my first counselling session recently too which I think will be useful but work aren't very supportive about the extra time off so I won't be able to go regularly.

Some days are definitely harder than others and trying to stay positive whilst keeping a balanced and realistic view is hard.  It's our 41st cycle of trying now so it's felt like a very long time.

any encouragement appreciated

Thanks all xxx


----------



## juliaG83 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi Granada Girl!

Firstly huge hug for you!!!!! It is such a roller-coaster of emotions and the side effects are not great either!

I understand how you feel with work not being great with support - i am in the same boat! They are great when im in a little later in the mornings for appointments for scans and bloods but when i get ill which has been happening every month at the start of a new cycle its a different story altogether! Even DH gets a little fed up with me at times but i soon remind him that he is being a jerk haha!

Its hard to stay positive when the results keep coming back negative, and trying to stay relaxed and on a balanced diet is also a nightmare at times - i feel iike i have locked myself a way for the past three months! It must be very hard for your to stay strong working in mental health when you feel emotional yourself! Feel free to offload on here i find that it helps to get chatting to people going through the same thing! 

I found with my first cycle my AF was late, same with the second cycle - when i started my third cycle a little over a week ago i took another AF! That is two in two weeks! Needless to say i was freaked out completely and was thinking all sorts but turns out my body just decided to take another AF!!!!! Darn it longer cycle of injections this time yuk!!!!

Really feel for you and what you are going through! Feel free to give me a shout if you want a chat!

Sending you big hugs and really hope this cycle is your cycle!!!!


xxxx


----------



## misslucyjane (Mar 28, 2013)

Hey Granada girl
Definitely know how you feel with regards to mental health, I work in mental health and am currently very emotionAl. Hoping you get your bfp soon. 
L xx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi

Thank you so much JuliaG83 and MissLucyJane - sometimes it helps to know that other people out there understand and are going through similar experiences - not that I would ever wish that on anyone or you two lovely ladies.  It is such a rollercoaster!! 

It really is so hard to stay positive when the results keep coming back negative and trying to stay relaxed!! The worst thing for me recently is feeling like my stress is then negatively impacting on my fertility and feeling like i'm stuck in a bit of a cycle!  Like you JuliaG i've also isolated myself since New Years and i don't think it's helped so I'm starting to push myself to go out a little more and not just get trapped inside the fertility bubble!!  It's really hard especially when i'm not drinking alcohol and not wanting to explain why but even if i take a walk or meet friends during the day i think it will make a difference.  I need to start living life to the full again, which can be hard when we're pumped full of hormones and feeling down!!  

I've also had a couple of erratic cycles so hoping this third clomid cycle will be better! 

Thanks again for the support and wishing you both the best and bfp's very soon!!  

xx


----------



## juliaG83 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi Granada girl

Just wondering how you are getting on?


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Julia

Thanks for thinking of me! I've been away from home about 10 days which has done me some good but AF came today (this time it was early) so this cycle hasn't worked either.  How's things with you?  I hope things have been more positive for you

Really appreciate your message 

Love Granada girl x


----------



## juliaG83 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi Granada

I am really sorry to hear that your last cycle didn't work  How are you feeling now? Its just so unfair sometimes!

I am in the same boat really, my last cycle didnt work and then i took 3 AF's in three weeks  i was totally messed up, i did get a chemical pregnancy on my last cycle but it was gone within a few days - i was gutted! I am on my 2WW in my now third cycle, I triggered last Thursday after four weeks of stims! It felt like forever! I have managed to keep myself calm this time around - no idea how, i think i am just fed up with it all at the minute so am just mosying along really lol!

It is really good to hear from you! Are you going to continue with treatment?

Love Julia xx


----------



## mrswoofy (Aug 5, 2013)

Have you tried reading Trying to get pregnant and succeeding by Marisa Peer? I was getting really depressed on the roller coaster and this book really cheered me up and within a month I was pregnant. I'm now 25 weeks and the book has really helped me through the panics of pregnancy. Might be worth a go?


----------



## juliaG83 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi MrsWoofy

No i haven't read it but i am going onto Amazon now to order it!!! LOL thanks for that!  

And Congratulations!!!  that is fantastic news! How is your pregnancy going?

Julia xx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Julia and MrsWoofy

MrsWoofy - i haven't tried that book either, thanks for the recommendation! And congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Julia - I'm so sorry to hear that your cycles have not only not worked but have been so messed up, I know this can cause even further stress and frustration, and a chemical pregnancy too - I really feel for you.  Hope fully this one will be the month!! 

We're on month 4 of clomid and had our scan yesterday which showed two ripe follies so excited about that, gave myself the trigger shot today for the first time (nurse has done it before) and it went okay.  We've also just been told that if clomid fails to work (we have 2 more cycles left) then we can move to IUI and will be funded for three months after a months break.  
This was really god news as previously we were told next step would be IVF and with only one cycle funded it's good to have some more funded cycles with a different treatment.  So this month is def going well, having said that I feel very anxious today!

Wishing you all the best, thinking of you on the 2ww xx


----------



## juliaG83 (Jan 27, 2014)

Hi Granadagirl

Wow sounds like you are on the right track! Fantastic  Good news on being funded for IUI also if needed but think positive this could be your month!!!   

I tested yestereday and got my very first ever BFP!!!! DH and i are both in complete shock!!!!!!!! I tested this morning again and another BFP darker this time! I am just praying that this sticks and all is as should be!!!!!!!!        

Sending you lots of babydust!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Julia!!

Wow!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!       I really wish you all the luck in the world!! Such amazing news!! Keep me updated!!

Much love xx


----------

