# Should I COMPLAIN?



## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi my lovely fertility friends!!

I am sorry if this isn't quite the correct place to post this and I apologise if it upsets anyone (I am about to start my final, final, last treatment) but I feel I have bonded with so many of you on this thread and it just wouldn't feel right to ask anyone else!!

As some of you may know, I am about to embark upon an egg donation programme.

The other night, I realised I had run out of folic acid.  So today, I thought I'd just quickly "pop" into my local chemist.  BIG MISTAKE!!

To set the scene, I live in a very small, rural town.  It's all very close-knit and gossipy ....... yes, I'll bet you know what's coming .....

Anyway, into the shop I "popped", picked up a tub of folic acid and wasn't sure if it was a one-a-day or not.  In hindsight, I stupidly made the mistake of asking the girl behind the counter.  She didnt know, so she then asked the other lady (whom I've known for about 25 years but not THAT well if you know what I mean, it's more a case of "we know OF each other").  

She didn't know either, so then out comes the b***dy pharmacist (to the MAIN COUNTER) who (looked about 16 and used to go to school with my brother!!!!)  begins to say (at the top of her voice) , "Now - folic acid is normally taken if you are trying to get pregnant" !!!!  (Eh - Hello huni !!! If only you knew ........)

My face goes bright red - she doesn 't take the hint and proceeds to say (at the top of her voice - and by this time, the customers are piling in and I can feel them all boring into me from behind!)  ,  " ARe you trying to get pregnant ?"  CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS??!!!  I sheepishly said, "uhuh" and let her bang on about how you shouldn't take fish oils (was TRYING to buy them too) if you are trying to get pregnant, blah bhal, vitamin A, blah blah ........

I was SO embarrased - my face was beetroot - I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me up!!  

I'm so angry that I'm now thinking of writing a letter not so much of complaint, but of "suggestion"!!  The thing is, I feel strongly that in such a small town, this should not have happened.

As you all know, the whole business of "trying to get pregnant" is such a private, personal, intimate matter and even more so, when you've tried and failed for 7 years, through countless unsuccessful treatments.

I feel like telling them that this is my 5th IVF treatment (following countless IUIs but they won't know what IUI is probably) and I had decided to KEEP IT QUIET!!  As it is, the whole of b***dy Stewarton probably knows now.

Am I being too dramatic here or do you think I should write my letter?  Maybe I should just let it go (in case they blab my personal circumstances re IVF that I would need to add in the letter)?

What do you think?
Love 
Gill xo  (PS> As I said, I am truly sorry - I realise this post has nothing to do with "moving on" but don't know or value any other girls on other threads as much as I value you wonderful guys xxxx Thank you for listening!!)


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Gill
what a horrid situation   
I think you should write a letter of "suggestion"
it sounds as though they were totally out of order
and they should be reminded that they are bound by 
the same sort of patient confidentiality rules as doctors.
love and lots of luck to you
Dydie xxxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Gill
Firstly goodluck with your treatment...keep in there gal!!!
I agree with Dydie, these things need to be treated very delicately and privately....and i can understand your dilemma and upset...
I think we all come across people like this throughout this whole IF journey...whether they know or do not know, people still say insensitive things and it always takes us aback...
Maybe if you do write aletter then this will hopefully ensure that it doesn't happen again in the future....alot of people that go into chemists go in for many reasons and often its very personal. They need to be aware that each person needs to be treated with sensitivity....
I don't think it helps that you come from a small town, as people can be nosey people and do love a bit of gossip...Also if you do go into a shop for something they can tend to be alot more open and often it can be harmless....
The other issue that you may come face to face with if you do complain, it may make you feel alittle vulnerable.....unless you can send a letter anonymously without relating to that event, but that you are a disatisfied custumer....and let them think who it could it be and hopefully this will put them on their guard in the future....
Thinking of you both...
lots of love astridxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

OH GILL

I could feel myself blushing for you huni.  Why are people just SO incensitive and thoughtless?  The thought just doesn't occur to them does it?  

Personally as it's still quite a raw experience, I would write it down in a letter and keep hold of it until you decide what you want to do with it - I've done this a few times and believe it or not, it's really helped as it's let off steam.

I once had a horrid experience in Tescos pharmacy, nothing as bad as yours but I needed something for Thrush and I got passed onto several counter staff and eventually the head pharmacist to explain why I needed more treatment, all this went on with the queue of shoppers behind me getting longer and longer, needless to say I went out of the shop extremely hot!

Good luck and I hope you don't feel too alone.

Nix
xxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Unbelieveable!
Surely when people who work in pharmacies are doing whatever training they do they must have a part which is focused on confidentiality and being sensitive to customers questions no matter what they are. Have they never been in a shop and not wanted their business broadcasted to the rest of the customers and staff?
A 'suggestion' letter would probably be appropriate but I think it's a real shame that this person is so bl**dy insensitive that it takes a customer writing to them to make them realise it. It's awful that you were put in this position in the first place. Perhaps, like Astrid and Nix have suggested, you could write it anonymously, even saying you were in the queue at the time and saw this happening to someone and you 'overheard' everything, and you don't need to send it right now, just write it to get it off your chest for now.
I know it's hard when you live in a small town and everyone seems to know the smallest detail about you.

Sorry for the rant, but it makes me soooo angry that people cannot seem to be able to put themselves in another persons position esp in a pharmacy where they would be dealing with personal and sensitive problems day-in-day-out.
Good luck Gill xxxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Thank you so much my trusty friends!!  4 replies already!!

I have taken on board all your advice and drafted a letter, (not sure whethere or not to send, see what you guys think!!)

Here it is:

Dear Sir/Madam

Following an unpleasant experience in your shop recently, I wish not to so much “complain”, but more to “make a suggestion”.

Before I do though, I would like to re-iterate that I have been a customer of your pharmacy for many years and have no problem whatsoever with the staff at the counter.  Having lived in Stewarton a long time, there are a couple of them that I know personally and in writing this letter, do not wish to involve them as they have always been extremely helpful, professional and friendly and this is absolutely not an issue.

However, recently I thought I’d “pop in” for some vitamins.  (Folic Acid and Omega 3 Fish oils).  Given Stewarton is such a small town, I had hoped I would be able to buy the Folic Acid quickly with no questions asked.  However, I had to ask one of the girls a question about the folic acid and she didn’t know the answer so she went to get the pharmacist.  

Again, I would like to re-iterate that the pharmacist was indeed, friendly and helpful.   However, at the main counter, and in front of many other customers she proceeded to explain to me (without lowering her voice) that “folic acid was usually taken 3 months before a pregnancy”.  I could feel myself starting to blush as I knew there were people standing behind me.  She didn’t seem to realise that I was wishing the ground would open up and swallow me up as she proceeded to ask “Are you trying to get pregnant?”.   In the heat of the moment, I sheeplishly replied, “uh-huh”.  I was absolutely mortified.  I was then advised that I shouldn’t be taking Omega-3 fish oils if I was trying to get pregnant, but again, there was no discretion.  

I’m sure you will appreciate that with Stewarton being such a close-knit and all too often “gossipy” town, this was a nightmare, for me in particular as, following 5 unsuccessful I.U.I treatments,  I am soon to start my 5th IVF treatment and my husband and I had planned to keep this quiet.  (My parents and many friends live in the town and anyone that knows me, will know that if I'm buying folic acid, I will be undergoing IVF.)  

The whole business of “trying to get pregnant” is a very personal, intimate and sensitive subject,   especially for someone in my situation and I feel strongly that such issues should not be flippantly broadcast to the rest of the customers in the shop (and even more so in a small town).  I am sure pharmacists are bound by the same sort of patient confidentiality regulations as doctors.

Whilst I absolutely appreciate that the pharmacist has a job to do in advising customers on the safety of drugs, I just feel this sensitive issue could have been handled more discreetly and diplomatically, perhaps by asking me to step aside and lowering her voice a bit.  

I submised that the pharmacist looked quite young and has perhaps only recently qualified.  If this is the case, then I feel that it should be your job to guide her in this role, ensuring such incidents do not happen.  It shouldn't be up to the customers to have to point this out.

As I said before, it is not so much a “complaint” as I have no problem with the level of service I normally receive from your pharmacy but I would hate for this to happen again to somebody else and this letter is merely a “suggestion”.

Yours sincerely
Anonymous

PS.  For obvious reasons, I would prefer to remain anonymous and would ask that the details of this letter remained private and confidential.   


What do you think girls?  Should I send it?

Thank you all so much
Gill xo


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

!!WOW!!  

Fab letter Gill.  Still don't want to advise you to send it, surely they'll know it's you, do you mind that?  How will you feel the next time you go in the shop if you send it?  Do you want to go in the shop and hand it to the pharmacist and make her read it in front of you - that would be pretty powerful - OH NO, I couldn't do that - sorry thinking out loud.

You must feel a bit better having written it down.

Like the other ladies, I still can't get over the lack of discretion, it beats me really it does.

Nix
xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

OMG Gill, you poor love

I am astounded by the appalling service you received. Where on earth does the 'human element' come into all of this with the pharmacist speaking (or rather broadcasting to the whole shop) about such a sensitive and deeply personsal subject? The mind boggles...  

I like your letter, but I don't know whether to advise you about sending it or not. I have had something similar happen to me when I was about to embark on one of my FETs - I hope you don't mind if I share this with you? I had not long moved into my house when I needed to buy some OPK's. I went to my local superstore and seen there were none on the shelf so asked at the pharmacy. The lady I spoke to seemed 
to be a bit put out by me asking, she even asked my why I needed them and I replied something along the lines of it was part of IVF treatment - I didn't actually say it was for my own treatment though. I didn't really dwell upon why she had asked or why she was acting a bit strangely towards me, it was like she was kind of embarassed? It was a bit odd, but as my mind was all over the place I thought no more of it.

I realised a few weeks later this lady actually lived in the same small street as me. I naively thought she worked in a pharmacy, patient confidentialty and all that, she wouldn't say anything. She didn't... until there was a neighbourhood bbq and, much to my mortification, she brought up the subject of IVF whilst staring at me. I wanted the ground to swallow me up; at this point the FET had been a BFN and the last thing I wanted or needed was someone trying to pump me for info. After her dropping a few more hints and bringing the phrase 'IVF' into the conversation again and again, I took her to one side and made it quite clear that I was not in the business of having people pump me for information, if there was anything I wanted to share with her outside of her work regarding alternative methods to pregnancy I would broach the subject with her and if she saw it fit to tell my new neighbours (some of them who are her colleagues too) about something related to her work that I had spoken to her about in the business of her work I would not be impressed and would put in a complaint about her.

Whew! A bit of a ramble there! I'm sorry for jumping on your post like this Gill!

I suppose what I am trying to say is if you think the letter is the best way to go then do it, or if you would feel more vindicated having a word with this pharmacist yourself, try that way. I am really sorry that you had to have this happen for you, I would have felt like disappearing down a large hole too - and would have probably wanted to bury the pharmacist down a hole of her own too for making me feel like that! Argh!

Best of luck for your upcoming treatment Gill - I didn't realise you were about to take the plunge again, but good on you girl. I sincerely hope everything goes ok for you. The last thing you need at the moment is some gobsh*te broadcasting your personal stuff around the place! And thanks for giving me the space to share too - your post has helped me heal a little more today, and I am very grateful to you for that.

Love & best wishes
Emcee xxxxxxxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Emcee, NixNoo, Pink Panther, Dydie & Astrid, my friends,

As usual, all your words of support are mindblowing and I thank you for being there once again.

Emcee, I wanted to say of course I don't mind you sharing your nightmare experience too!! That's what this place is all about and it really helped me to see that I'm not being paranoid or melo-dramatic!!  What a b*tch if I may say so!!!  I really can't believe some people.  For her to start going on like that and stare at you !!  What WAS she thinking??!!!  I think you were so right to pull her aside, she was more than pushing it!  And good on you for being so brave!  that can't have been easy for you.  I wish I'd had the strength to give that pharmacist a piece of my mind at the time - but I was so shocked and not expecting her to go on like that!

I am sorry you've been having a down day and I'm glad you've felt able to heal a bit.  

I have decided to send the letter after all.  If I hadn't felt so bad when I left the shop, I wouldn't have bothered but I feel strongly that these people (IDIOTS!!) need to learn a few things about diplomacy and I can go a small way towards making a difference to people in our situation in future, then that can only be good.

BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL, and thank you as ever, for all your kind words,
all my love
Gill xo


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Gill 

Good on you hunnie, the letter was brilliant .... far too good to waste

I hope they take notice and understand how unprofessional they have been

I bet they whisper to you next time you have to go in there  

Dydie xxxxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Good for you Gill, 
you expressed what happened and how it affected you so succinctly-I know who I'll be coming to next time I need to write a letter that hits the mark!
Seriously tho', I have so much admiration for your bravery to do this and 'striking while the iron was hot', I know that I would of just beaten myself up mentally by going over-and-over it in my mind for days and trying to re-play how I would of acted. 
I'd love to hear what reply you get. 
lol pp xxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

oh! i just typed a reply and then lost it arrgh!!
Gil, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear of your AWFUL experience in the chemist - I just can't believe it and am SO annoyed on your behalf  

Your letter is excellent, and I do hope that it results in them showing a bit more discretion in future. But frankly - its disgraceful that this wasn't a built in way of behaving in the first place. Hope you are OK..Good news about the tx - wishing you all the very very best with it Gill  
xx

ps emcee - OMG!!!!! Thats terrible!!!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that


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