# Help! Another nephew visiting!



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

And this one is dh's sister's boy - a spoiled brat of an 8 yr old. Honestly I'm dreading it. I feel so weird around him as I totally disagree with the way he's being brought up and yet feel I don't have 'credentials' as a parent (cos obvioulsy I don't have work experience in that area). I feel out of my depth chastising him (constantly - which is also a real bore) and I'm in my own home!! His sister is also one of these very intense types and the conversation can quickly get really 'heavy'. Oh God! Beam me up Scottie! 
Bernie x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Have come back to this because its a similar situation for me - I seen my niece and nephew at the weekend and they are both a pair of 'boiled sprats'  

Also discovered a couple of interesting things - MIL & FIL who could talk about nothing else but these 2 particular grandchildren (grrr- they have many other grandkids but rarely see them or enquire after them, to my mind all should be treated equally) appear to be getting sick to the back teeth of looking after them. Apparently SIL left the kids there for the whole of the school summer holidays, not giving them a break once and it was down to the outlaws to arrange days out for the kids so they had something to do and something to say once back at school.

To add to that the kids were being particuarly boisterous at the weekend when we visited and both outlaws were close to blowing a fuse - it gave myself and my DH such pleasure to walk away from it all!  

The thing that has really amazed me about all of this is SIL has taken herself off on holiday abroad for 3 weeks without a care in the world   BIL has been left holding the reins and having to work 12 hour shifts (apparently they are in dire straits financially) which means MIL & FIL are still looking after the kids 24/7. Couldn't resist a smug 'well if SIL had not fallen out with us for no reason then we would have been able to take the burdon off you every once in a while'   SIL is an oddbod, she has not spoken to her own mother for a few years and goes through phases of blanking people out - the reason is never discovered!  

The irony of this, that SIL could swan off thousands of miles away on a whim without a care about her kids is not lost on myself or my DH  

Now I'm off to make myself a nice large hot cup of tea, put my feet up on the sofa and chill out for a while   

Emcee xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I have decided to give up worrying about how SIL is bringing up her boy and also about how my sister's kids are turning out. Though of course I care about them - there has to be a line. 
Actually I have a confession to make about the nephew that came to stay recently - he was actually really well behaved. He said please and thank you and ate everything that was put in front of him (even cabbage!) so I have to take it back. I guess they go through phases and he's going through a good phase right now - actually quite fun to have around!
Bernie x

P.S. Emcee - my sister is prone to blanking people out. We went through a phase where if we had an arguement she would slam the phone down on me and threaten never to speak to me again. I got fed up with this behaviour and made it clear to her that even if she slammed the phone down on me she wasn't off the hook (so to speak) and I would phone her up later. (This kind of took the power out of that silly game!) She still does it to other people - I guess it's an emotional 'habit'. It is manipulative and it means she never has to listen to their side of things, never has to change or compromise. But she does with me!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Am glad your nephew was well behaved for you   Just goes to show he must have respect for his lovely auntie   

I've given up on my SIL truth be told... was very hurt at first the way she carried on, insisting that we were godparents for our niece (we are both godparents to loads of kids we never see, especially myself and I had got sick of being the 'token childless godparent' so swore never to do it again, although we caved in as our niece is family - I use that term loosely because we have little contact)!

Anyway, to cut a looooong story short because I've written/griped about on here before, SIL blanked us out when our niece turned 6 months old, right after a miscarriage after an IVF attempt (nice, NOT)! Then when our nephew was born didn't bother to let us know - MIL told us via a telephone conversation relating to going out for a meal for her 60th birthday when our nephew was almost 2 months old - BIL isn't off the hook either (stealing your phrase there)! Because he could have picked up the phone, texted, emailled, posted a letter or called round at any time to let us know (BIL is DH's bro).

After a flaming row with MIL I told her there was no excuse for ignorance, she blamed me for not contacting them to see if they had had the baby - they had also moved house and changed telephone numbers so we had no way of contacting them but that was by the by according to my MIL  

Anyway... we're quite pleased they don't have anything to do with us anymore because it means we don't get saddled with their terrors every single weekend or overnight during the week like my outlaws do!  

Familes, a mystery!   Sounds like your sis is similar to my SIL!

Emcee xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Yeah my sister is definitley my most difficult relationship. She is 7 years older than me and has never really forgiven me for showing up and stealing her limelight. Not my fault! Anyway, it is much more complicated than that - to do with all sorts of family trauma that happened early on and was again no one's fault. I think she needs counselling, but will never go. I put up with her sometimes deeply hurtful behaviour cos she's my sister – anyone else I would have given up on ages ago, and I quite understand you not wanting anything to do with your SIL. She sounds a nightmare. Her behaviour is 'passive aggressive' - makes it look like she's done nothing wrong, when in fact she has. Sometimes people like that have no idea that they are behaving badly.

I totally relate to the godparent thing. My husband's sister made him a godparent (just him - which I found a little jarring) and when I say 'made' that's what I mean - no asking involved (!) He didn't really want to, it was too distressing, but he went along with it. We had just been through IVF and I remember that we couldn't actually go to the christening because of either ongoing tx or failure of it. But he was made godfather by proxy (I didn't know they could do that). It's all in this weird belief that being a godparent is some kind of consolation prize. Like it's going to make him feel better. His sister is a single mum and always wants dh to 'be a positive role model'. Talk about  pressure. I hate seeing him manipulated in that way. I say she got herself up the duff and now has to face the consequences. Although dh and I have a relationship with her boy, I try to tell dh that he should bear no extra responsibility other than he would normally be as an uncle. Why should he? Families, huh?!
Bernie xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I had no idea that you could be made godparent by proxy either until the day I was sent a card informing me that myself and my DH were godparents to this baby that we had never even met (still haven't met until this day - the kid must be in their mid teens now)! I was furious because we had never even agreed to being godparents for this child - I got asked about it on my wedding day, of all days, as I stepped out of the church with my newly wedded DH for crying out loud and I think I remember saying something like 'for goodness sake, I've got a lot more things on my mind at the moment than knowing if we want to be godparents'  

Sounds awful of me doesn't it, but I resented being sprung upon as we walked out of the church doors for our photos! 

What is it with people, huh?!

xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

How bizarre!!! You couldn't write this kind of stuff! I'm kind of against traditional christenings anyway (may be that's why his sis didn't ask me), cos I don't like the concept of saying they are tainted in 'orginal sin' unless they are baptised. I say every baby is straight out of heaven - how can it have sinned? It sounds like mubo jumbo to me...
Bernie xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

What can I say... I know a lot of bizarre people!

More to the point, this particular lady and her hubby weren't even on the wedding invite list - they just showed up at the chuch! Cheeky beggars!  

xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Now I've just got to know more!! Who was this woman?? She sounds very odd indeed. Did she have Tourett's - couldn't help shouting out to you as you left the church? (lol) Also sounds a bit desperate - not for choosing you, of course, but for choosing someone who obviously isn't close to her - doesn't she have any friends who would want to be godparents?! 
Bernie xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Who was she? A daughter of a couple that I knew through work - so I knew her parents but didn't know her very well... had met her in passing in years gone by and thought nothing more of it to be honest - clearly she thought we were great godparent material - for heavens sake though, it wasn't the time or the place at my wedding to ask me if we wanted to be godparents!  I think she was genuine enough as she knew we had lost a baby the year before, but crikey, asking me at my wedding? Then making us godparents by proxy?  I've got a pet hate about being a godparent now because I always think people are feeling sorry for me, and I've had quite a few rows with friends when I have patiently explained my stance re. godparenting - we don't do it! Still doesn't stop those who have their little ones asking us, even though they know how we feel about it!  I haven't got anything against anyone who manages to have a family, I just resent feeling exploited and put on the spot when asked 'The Question' and knowing the answer is going to be a resounding 'NO' and friends being upset by it!

I'd just like to add here that between myself and my DH we have 5 godchildren - and are legal guardians to our dear friends child should the worst happen and they both end up popping their clogs - we don't actually know any of our godchildren as once their parents have got the 'token childless people' bit out of their system we have never heard from them again! We do know the child we are legal guardians for and we have the utmost respect and admiration for the family, they didn't ask us because we don't have children together, they asked because we get on with their child, we have a good friendship and have similar values to them, which is what counts in my book.

Gone on a bit, ain't I?  

Bet you're







!

xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Yeah - I know what you mean. It is annoying when peole are doing it just so they feel you aren't 'left out'. And anyway - what does a godparent do these days? I think it is old fashioned and just no longer relevant (unless you are really religious - I can't see the point of it). But being asked to be guardians - that is something else. It is something you would only do for someone very close - and indeed is an honour to be asked. 
Bernie x


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