# quite low, failed embryo adoption cycle



## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi,

idont know whats wrong with me. when my cycle failed on 5th feb, i was relieved. dont take that wrong. recurrent miscarrier here. so a negative was a better outcome in my mind, than a positive and then loss. so i was happy enough in a funny kind of way. now, im low, really low.

dont feel theres any hope left for me anymore. im 40, and yes i am very blessed to have had 4 boys, 3 living. firstborn was a victim of cot death, but i have 3 survivng boys. lovely kids. im biased  

but the addiction ( and i seriously think thats what it is) of conception, pregnancy and that lovely newborn smell still burns bright. i cant ave any more treatment until october at the earliest(financial reasons) and its really getting me down. feel like im just dragging water. and i hate, hate, hate being 40! too old really to still be chasing the dream.

am i mad?

xxxxx


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## L_ouise (Sep 23, 2010)

Hiya jd 

Ummm, yes I'm going to go ahead and agree with you - you are mad  

I don't think that chasing a fourth child is a crazy thing to do, even at 40 if you are still fertile, but I'm not sure about your motivations.

They don't stay newborns, you know. If you are doing this just for that brief moment then you are always going to be dissatisfied and yearn for more and when it can't happen you are going to find yourself frustrated again.

Addiction never leads to happiness.

I do genuinely wonder if you need to go and speak to a professional about your losses. You seem to get such a thrill from finally making it to motherhood after suffering losses, that I feel that it is messing with your perspective.

You've got three kids and don't have wads of cash knocking about, so unless you always wanted 4 or you are wanting a girl, then I'd just knock it on head. Go volunteer at the neonatal ward or something if you want to smell newborns xx


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi.

yeah, thanks for that - feel so much better now :-/

x


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## Sarah Anne (May 14, 2011)

Jdm4tth3ws,

I completely understand your relief in a BFN – and I have only had one MC, but I understand where you are coming from.    For my current BFP my thoughts were not of elation but "How can I lose another one?"  That’s amazing that you have three living children, but if like me you always wanted to have a big family that won’t suddenly be changed by being stopped by fertility issues – so not mad just human!  Some feel complete with one baby, some with ten.  And I have met lots on FF who have had lots of success in their early 40s, and you are only just into that decade so not past it yet, but I do understand that you feel your time is running out as I was relieved to start this journey younger so time is still on my side.  I hope that October comes quickly for you and you are able to have another baby, and you can sniff him/her to your heart’s content


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi sarah anne  

thank you so much for your reply. you have really made me feel so much better about it. so relived to realse someone does get what i mean. atm, i am trying to concieve naturally and loads of vits a day to try and help my own egg quality and reduce m/c (if im lucky to get bfp). he's on loads of vits. he has all issues with sperm. low count, low motility, high morphology and clumping. but i am terrified as well using my eggs and my chances for m/c are higher. i dont know how many more of them i can go through, but i have to believe its worth the shot.

thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. you have left me with a smile on my face, thanks. 

congratulations on your lovely baby bump.  

xxxxxx


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## Sarah Anne (May 14, 2011)

Thankyou for the congratulations  

I am glad that I put a smile on your face!  Today I heard of a third person in the last two years that managed to fall pregnant naturally against the odds, one with a history of MC too that recently had their first baby girl - it really does happen!  I so hope you manage it, I hope to come on FF one day and you have put a little happy update on here for me to let me know you are expecting


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