# ummm really difficult time!



## rebeccas (Oct 26, 2005)

Hi

As most of you know we got approved at panel in December so we are officially parents in waiting, the process has really taken it out of us and were just glad to be approved.  Our SW contacted us to say that we were being put forward to another LA for them to look at our Form F, she was writing up a profile and asked for recent photos.

Well, lets just say that we are not sure my DH more so than me, we are having the jitters I have a DD from my previous marriage and very grateful and either way I would be happy.  I just don't want him to miss out on the opportunity of being called Dad and all of the joys that it brings.  He says he would feel differently if it were our own child, so discussed IVF again, not happy to do that either after the expense and emotional expense of treatment. We dont know to do, we have sent off the info that the SW needs and we are going to see a specialist fertility counsellor to talk things through.

Tricky I know  

Any pearls of wisdom would be grateful, from you lovely wise ladies.

Thanks Rebecca xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

No words of wisdom just a big cyber hug   Only you can decide what is best.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Rebecca

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I don't know what to suggest really.

Firstly it's great that you're already approved as prospective parents!
I do remember feeling a little bit jittery down our first adoption journey, and I think that was normal nerves of the unknown.

All I can say to you is, that although I was the person in our marriage to first say no to adoption, I couldn't ever imagine loving anyone as much as our DD now. I do occasionally wonder what it would've been like to have our own biological baby, what he or she would've looked like etc, but to be totally honest our DD is so much like both of us in looks and personality, I wouldn't swap her for the world, let alone another stab at conceiving!

The adoption route can be tough and wipe you off your feet at times. But the benefits at the end of it, far outweigh any worrying we did prior to her arrival.
She was worth every last form we filled in and every sodding question we had to answer! 
The real thing I am trying to say, is that with any method of treatment, there is no guarantee of success no matter how high your hopes can be raised.
You are already more than half way to realising your dream of having your first child together.

Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide.
Thinking of you



x


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Rebecca

We are currently in the process of being placed with a little boy with a special guardianship order as he is a family member. He will take on our name and will be our son, we can then apply to adopt him.  Before Xmas I had this sudden feeling of dread thinking oh my god I dont want this all my maternal instincts have gone and I was pondering over things.  DH was very supportive of whatever I want he would go with.

A girl at work came in with her newborn, I had a snuggle and thought god yeah this is what I want more than anything.  We have just received photos this week of the little one and we meet him for the first time on Friday.  Lets just say we have already fallen in love with him and cannot wait to bring him home.

I wish you all the luck in the world in whichever path you chose.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Rebecca

I have no wise words for you however read this and thought it may help as i see you already have a DD age 12 who i am guessing would have been very involved in the adoption process

Hope this helps you in some way

xx



dawny36 said:


> Hi,
> 
> We were matched to our 15month baby girl in nov 07. I have a bs to a previous relationship who my dh has brought up, he is 17 years old and I lost lots of sleep worrying about how he would be towards her, would he bond ? would he feel left out? etc etc, I then started feeling like I was betraying him in some way (I know sounds a bit daft !!).
> 
> ...


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Rebecca, 
I think in someways it can get easier when you are looking at an actual potential match then trying to imagine a child in your family. We are constantly amazed by how our two children are so like us and really can't imagine loving a birth child anymore than I do these two (in fact as our infertility falls into the highly improbable as oppossed to completely impossible I have occassional panics about getting pregnant and the baby not being as gorgeous, cute, clever and funny as our two!). 
I would go with the flow and see how you both feel when you get to look at an actual profile for a real potential match and if it doesn't feel right just enjoy your gorgeous DD.
Viva
XXX


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## rebeccas (Oct 26, 2005)

Hi ladies

Sorry for the delay in replying, I have taken on board all of your kind words of wisdom and we are going to have a chat with the specialist fertility and adoption counsellor locally to just help us with our plans.

Feeling a lot calmer now!

love rebecca x


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