# Another newbie!



## katzta (May 1, 2006)

Hi all!
Been TTC since jan 05 with no luck.  Have a previous history of endometriosis so GP referred us fairly early to the consultant.  Have had a barrage of blood tests etc and a pelvic ultrasound.  All indicate that I am ov ok but my FSH levels are too high. They cant tell if my tubes are blocked from the endo so am on a waiting list for a laparoscopy. 

Got the shock news on Sat that we need to have IVF!

Am still quite numb really.  Not sure how to handle it all.  Trying to get an appointment to see a counsellor as its all really messing with my head!
xx


----------



## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

and Welcome to FF katzta 

I understand that hearing the words IVF for the first time can be very  but you are in fact one of the lucky ones to have found FF so early on in your journey,
There are many members going through their first IVF too and the support for each other is amazing.
Seeing a counsellor is a very good thing, I hope you get an appointment soon, 
please take some time to mooch around the message boards and post where you feel able, 
if you need any help just post here OK, I am sure you will get a few more replies before the day is out too 
Wishing you some   &  for your dreams to come true.
~Dizzi~


----------



## katzta (May 1, 2006)

Thanks Dizzi!

I just dont know what I should be feeling, or doing!  I feel like my life has ended!  This isnt how its supposed to be.  Part of me wants to give up but I know if i do that then i wont get the baby I so long for.  I am also scared I am pushing my hubby away.

I dont know if the counselling will help but at the moment I am willing to try anything!  I am taking a pre natal supplement inc folic acid, and having reflexology treatments.  Hubby is taking zinc and I am taking my temps.  I have given up with OPK's as I never got a + result with them and it just added to the pressure!

OH yes and the worst of all - my sister in law is about 14 weeks pg!  She announced it the day we went up to tell them we were having problems and needed their support!  Thats another thing I just cant cope with and I have been avoiding her as much as possible.
xx


----------



## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Oh hunni - I really understand 
Thinking feeling and doing added to pg people makes this so much harder  there is no right way of dealing with any of it, you have to be true to yourself and if you can go and see your SIL or talk on the phone or email, to say that you are in an emotional place right now, and while you hope her PG is a happy healthy one, you feel to raw at the moment to enjoy it with them.
then take it one day at a time.
I have been TTC for 15 yrs each and every friend SIL and BIL has at least 2 kids now, I am fine once they are born its the being PG that upsets me most, 
your life hasn't ended its just taken a new turn round a sharp bend!

you are doing the right things with the vits and reflexology and with support and knowing you are not alone comes a new sense of being in control.

Talking to your DH is the key to working through this, I used to talk to me BF first as she was more level headed then when I spoke to DH I would be more in control, these days he cop's it first 

Keep posting and you will soon find things falling into perspective,  Hun
~Dizzi~


----------



## Jazzie (Aug 26, 2003)

Hi Katzta,

Welcome to FF.  

I know it's hard to hear the news you've been given, but at least now you know and can face it head on and find out all you need to know.  Counselling is an excellent idea as the perspective of someone outside your situation can vary how you see things considerably.

Though my situation is somewhat different due to being unexplained I can remember the gut wrenching horror of finding out my SIL was pregnant accidentally when I was with my husband.  My brother called and I was all "wow that's fab, so excited" yadda yadda!  Put the phone down and had a good   ... my marriage then failed, for reasons unrelated to IF.  I met a new guy and we started trying together, once again my SIL fell pregnant, though this time planned.  I now have 2 gorgeous nephew's.  I love them to bits, but you know something?  It's great to give 'em back to their parents when they're being a pain in the     

I am now single again, so it's back to the drawing board for me.  If I have learnt nothing else over the years it's that support is everything.  I only found this site whilst with my 2nd partner.  It's been a mine of information and support.  I hope that you get as much out of it as I have.

The best thing about this site is you can put down anything and everything you are feeling and nobody will judge you for it and my gosh does it feel good to get it off your chest!!!

Hang in there!  

Love
Claire
x


----------



## Beauty (Apr 23, 2006)

Katzta 

Finding out that you have a problem ttc is hard enough so then finding that you need IVF is another hurdle.  At times like this you really do need a counsellor to talk to hun.  Lots of things are going on in your head and it can send you .  I'm there already!

This place is a great place to get things off your chest as Claire says.  
I only found this place in the past week and I would be lost without it already.  the people here are so kind and no exactly how you feel so if you want to rant and rave you go ahead!

Will keep things crossed for you,
Take care
Rosie x


----------



## HopeSpringsEternal (Oct 15, 2005)

Hi Katzta 

welcome to Fertility Friends  Just thought I should introduce myself under my other name   (I sent you here from the other forum  )

You'll find plenty of people here who can relate to exactly how you are feeling - you're not alone  I know the FF girls will give you lots of support and help with working your way through the fertility jungle  

Lots of love and


----------



## Kezabelle (Mar 21, 2006)

Hiya, I am fairly new too and just wanted to say welcome to the boards. The people here are so friendly and helpful, I am sure you will start to feel a little better soon and you will get lots of support from everyone.
Take care xx


----------



## H2006 (Apr 29, 2006)

Hi Katzta, 

Im new to this board from yesterday and got the same news on sat both tubes blocked and IVF is the only way!! How gut wrenching is the feeling the tears have continued and Ive got the same feeling of numbness and don't understand how to go forward and get through this. (counselling sounds a good idea)

Everybody here already has been a great help to me and everytime i have received a message its given me a feeling that im not alone and encouragment to carry on  - (even though i have my dh at my side) the advice and help emotionally on this site is a big benefit. 

im sending a big hug   

Hev
XX


----------



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi 

Welcome to FF!  The numb feeling is completely normal, we all felt overwhelmed and totally out of control when we first found out we needed an assisted conception, whatever the details of that are..  I know it sounds hard to believe now, but I promise when you have seen the Consultant for IVF things will start to get easier, you will feel more in control and not as frightened as you will have more knowledge about what your journey involves.. 

Do be careful not to push your dh away from you or shut him out of the experience, you really do need each other now more than ever!  Counselling is an excellent way of resolving how you feel and exploring the fears and concerns you have about what lies ahead and I hope you can get an appt soon, my only word of caution would be where you're getting the counselling from?  Hopefully from the Infertility Clinic you are with, if the counselling is through your GP or a private practice you need to be cautious until you are reassured about the counsellors own beliefs and views of IF and also her knowledge of what's involved.  (I speak here as a counsellor as well as a IVF patient! ) I meet a lot of counsellors through my work, who wouldn't be suitable to counsel through such a delicate issue which inevitably does require some knowledge of the process in order to offer worthwhile support and intervention.

Good Luck, I promise you will feel better if you use the support on offer here and as soon as you're able to regain some control of the situation.

Take Care Hunny

Amanda x


----------



## Jada&#039;s Mummy (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi Katzta,

Wecome to FF honey, you're in the right place.

You say you fear you're pushing DH away, well, this site will certainly help with that. I was having the same problem, then I started to vent all my anger and feelings onto here instead and my relationship is so much better!! Although your DH is going through this too, he will never understand how you're feeling as he's a man! They rarely feel the same as us unfortunately.

My heart goes out to you, I remember when we found out IVF was our only option, gutting. But, that was in January of this year and I'll find out in less than 2 days whether our 1st go has actually worked or not! So, if IVF is what I'm faced with, then I'll try my hardest to keep my chin up and keep my goal in my mind. It will all be worth it if it works. 

With regards to counselling, I had some for the loss of my baby, but, that was 4yrs after we lost him. I'd pretty much kept all my feelings inside until DP's brother announced he'd got a girl pregnant the 1st time they had sex!! That sent me over the edge, the counselling did help. Again, it takes the strain off your DH. He is dealing with this too - sometimes, you need to deal with things separately and there's nothing wrong with that. 

So, I wish you loads of luck and hope you get your longed-for baby,

Take care,

Sharon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Sharon-Louise

You're so right, often you do need to deal with things seperately because the way we feel about things (male v female) is soooo different!  Often if you try to talk to your dh about things his perspective is completely different, sometimes this is good but often it leaves you feeling either   or  

That's why this site is so fab cos you have the opportunity to talk to people who react to things the same way you do!

TTFN

Amanda x


----------



## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi katzta and welcome to the site - u have come to the right place!

Sorry to hear that u are feeling so down about it all - i felt like that when i found out that we could only have ICSI to assist us in having a baby

Take care

Kate


----------



## emma.b (Mar 27, 2006)

Hi Katzca,
Welcome to FF. I had a laparoscopy and dye test in April. It was not as bad as i expected. Send me a pm if you want to know more about it. My results were ok but dh has low sperm count. IVF has been mentioned to us by our consultant. We are waiting to get dh's 3rd sa results to see if it will be IVF or IUI that we need. It's such a roller coaster of emotions when you find out you have IF but at least we are in the system.   and there are treatments that will give us a chance at having the baby we so long for. Try to remember that needing IVF doesn't mean you have any less chance of becoming a Mummy, you just need alittle extra help to get there.    You have come to the right place to get support. My dh is not very good at talking about things and being able to have a moan or get some advice here really helps. Couselling is a good idea too as you can talk to someone totally impartial.
Good luck with everything
Emma.b x


----------



## katzta (May 1, 2006)

Thanks everyone!  I am actually feeling quite positive about it all today (after reading on here that raised FSH levels dont ONLY mean you aint got enough eggs, but also that you are overly stressed!).  We are now on a mission to de stress me and OH has got loads of lovely things planned for me/us for the next few months.  We wont get an appointment for the IVF clinic till about November and GP was crap when we asked her for counselling. So we are having to go private.  We have found a lady who specialises in infertility issues which is good.  We are going to see her together to start with but it may be that we need to go seperatley later.  

I have told my OH about the mens bit on here - he is getting better at expressing his feelings so hopefully he will be coming on here soon as well as me.

I am now trying to look at this "6 month wait" as a time to get my head sorted, find a permanent job so I can get my maternity pay etc and save up loads of money!!  that will either pay for more IVF should we need it, or for lots of lovely baby stuff!  I am a bit fed up though cos I am supposed to be going to Pilates tonight and I cant cos i pulled a muscle in my leg at the weekend!  Oh well might have to try some   tonight instead!! (CD 6 so you never know as have been known to ov as early as CD 8!!)

thanks again all and I am so glad i was referred to this site!!
xx
PS sorry that turned into a bit of an epic didnt it!


----------



## Ladyplops (Apr 27, 2006)

Hi Katzta,

It certainly is a minefield isn't it!

Please dont give up - looking at some of the postings on this site have touched me so much (yes crying a lot with hormones all over the place!).  The main thing for me is that when I read others stories and what they have overcome, it has restored my faith and that miracles can happy for any of us!

Best of luck my love
Ladyplops
x


----------



## katzta (May 1, 2006)

Bit of an update for you all!

Found out today that my FSH levels are 9.3 on CD3 bloods.  Have started taking Wheatgrass and people have noticed that this week I have been a lot calmer than of late!

Trying really hard not to stress out about it too much and then will go have my FSH levels checked again in a couple of months!  Hopefully they wil have gone down a bit.
xx


----------



## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi katzta
i have just been reading bak on ur post ,
im glad u are feeling calmer ,it is so easy for peple to say u need to keep calm and dont stress urself out but it is so hard to follow that advise even though we know it is true wot they say 

i hope all goes well for u with the IVF 
and i hope that after reading more of the post from others on IVF with success stories it can rebuild ur faith

ive not gone down the rd ov IVF ,as if i do i will have to pay so i really need to build my strengh and get me and dp bak to how we used to be as we almost split  up due to all the stress ov everything that has happend 
thanks to the supportand advise from the girls on we are starting to get bak on track 
we need to both feel special again b4 we can gain more strengh to carry on 
we are still ttc but with no tx at the min we will ttc natural again 
as my consultant thinks i might have ENDO so she is going to have a look with the hycosy dye test and if they see any signs then they will have to do another lap but as i have already had 3 laps they didnt want to do 1 unless they seen any possiblity of endo with the hycosy dye test

take care steph


----------



## EverHopefull (Apr 8, 2006)

Hi Katza,

welcome to FF

Sorry you are feeling so down honey, i know exactly what you are going through...  The guys and gals on FF are a great support and can offer some fantastic advice...  I'm glad youve found the board so early as it really does make the difference...

I wish you lots of luck, love, support and hugs on your TTC journey...

Gemma


----------

