# Medical worries



## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Hi,
We are just at the deciding between IVF and adoption stage at the moment but I am really concerned about the medical.
Firstly, my weight gives me a high BMI about 42, so I am worried about that, I am dieting and have already lost 18lbs. DH's BMI is about 29. Will they say go away and lose weight before we can even start the process? and if so what BMI are they looking for?. Also, I have a history of mental health issues, most recently quite a bad bout of depression but it is now being controlled with medication. So I wondered where I would stand with this too.

Thanks for reading.

x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Its hard to say whether either issue would be a problem tbh as every agency has differing ideas on weight and depression and then you have all the changes that Government are putting through that means some agencies will have to re-think their practise.

The weight I'd say as you are on a diet and have already lost some weight isn't such a huge thing, you can show that you are losing weight and can continue to do this during the process.  The depression I would guess would depend on how bad but again you have sort help and are dealing with it so that is positive.  Some agencies don't rule you out because of anti d's, some will or will want you off them for 6 months or so.

The only way you will really find out is by phoning the agencies in your area, radius of 50 miles, and be honest with them.  That way you will know where you stand and will be able to make your choice between ivf or adoption.

Good luck wither way

OT x


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Thanks so much for your reply, I will have a look at some local agencies and give them a call. 

x


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## MaeveB (Jul 1, 2012)

Hi 

I've had two different friends who have both been approved for adoption, one had a history of depression and the other was told she had to shed some weight.  I know that both these ladies went though a tough time and their adoption process probably took slightly longer than most as the social worker spent more time working though certain areas of their life, but they both got there in the end  .  As it happens my friend with a history of depression has adopted a 2 year old girl and my friend who was told to shed some weight actually ended up pregnant 3 months after panel approval!!! 


I really wish you all the very best in which ever option you choose, I'm currently waiting to see if I can proceed with the adoption process as I have a history of cancer, i know the chances of being allowed to proceed are slim but it's something we want so badly that we need to just push the door to see if it opens.


Take Care


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Hi Maeve-Beth,

Thanks so much for your reply. It's good to hear that your friends were still approved, that's reassuring. I really hope you are able to proceed with yours.

x


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

BAD NEWS THEN GOOD NEWS!
There is hope for either option, however you will definitely need to lose weight for either option. Most clinics will categorically refuse to treat you if your BMI is over 35. The same goes for many adoption agencies and local authorities.
Unfortunately, the fact is that when you are that much overweight you have a reduced life expectancy and increased likelyhood of medical problems. It's a vicious circle 'cause if you're depressed you're more likely to gain weight and if you're overweight you're more likely to be depressed.

The good thing, as someone else has already said -the fact you are making an effort and managing to loose some weight is a good thing and will been seen positively! The fact that you care enough to do something about it is also good!! I believe the stats show 1 in 3 people suffer with depression at one point in their lives -you are not alone!!
My two best friends who have children are BOTH currently on medication for depression and are amazing mums! One of them also has a very high bmi but I swear she has a lot more energy than I do!!

Your circumstances are unique, as they are for all of us but honesty a positive attitude will go a long way whichever route you choose to travel! I don't know how much weight loss will help with your PCOS however a friend of mine recently experienced a welcome surprise after going from a size 26 to a size 14. I'm not saying it will work for you -my BMI has been 27-32 during IVF and now is 29 and I've never managed a successful pregnancy BUT there is hope!

Hope you are able to see the way forward soon in order for you to become a family. x


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Thanks Arrows,

Thanks so much for your reply.

I need to get to a BMI of 30 for IVF, eeek!, it's coming off but slowly. So max of 35 is what adoption agencies/local authorities look for?.

Good luck with the rest of your journey. 

x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi there

I speak from experience of being an official fatty!  I started out with a BMI of49! yes really and with diet and exercise got it down to 36 at the time of my medical, although I am still a fatty I do hope that my weight loss of 4.1/2 stones will show the panel of my committment.  I too have suffered with depression and the doctor noted 3 short periods over the last 10 years,  but non the less my sw has told me that the adoption doctor has passed me "medically fit to adopt" so please try not to worry too much, just crack on with diet and keep some kind of record such as print  outs from scales or card from ww etc.    Having said all that I go to panel on Wednesday so I'll let you know if I pass and what kind of comments are passed about my weight and depression!
Good luck


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Wow well done you on your weight loss!. Some days it feels like I'll never get there.

So, did you start the process of adoption at BMI 49?

I haven't any record as I have been doing it alone rather than with a slimming group, the only thing I have is my weight on record with my GP before I lost the weight. 

x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi, Yes I did start my diet at the start of the process but I had a 12 month wait to get on a prep course so I had lost the 4.7stone by the time I started homestudy. I haven't lost anymore since mind you and in fact I have put some back on with complete glutony and complacency!
I did the same thing I dieted alone, so your record on file at the doctors is perfect because he is the one that will do you medical and he will note on the form how well you are doing. Its bloody hard to keep going when you have a lot to lose and even harder to keep it off but you have to keep your eye on the prize.  Since I have put some back on I feel awful physically and mentally and need to lose it again before I have a little one placed with me.


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Thanks so much funnychic for all your help.

Good luck for Wednesday lovely.

x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Congrats on your weight loss, gems, and good luck!  I had to have a BMI under 30 for IVF, but put weight on after again after we stopped tx.  I now have a mid 30s BMI (I don't even know what it is, which is a source of great joy to me!) and my agency likes you to be under BMI 40.

I've had boughts of mild anxiety/low mood which I had couselling for.  These were noted by GP and discussed with SW, stressing the things I had learned to manage my wellbeing better.  The adoption medical examiner thingy noted both weight and MH issues as 'things to be aware of' but I was passed as fit to adopt.  I expect the panel might ask questions about both, but am prepared for that.

Hope this helps - it really does depend on agency, and on your being able to make good progress - which you're already doing!  Well done you!


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Thanks so much for your reply AoC.

I'm starting to feel a bit more relaxed about it now, knowing that I'm doing the best thing by losing the weight and that some of you have had good experiences with weight and MH issues.


I spoke to a SW yesterday about it all, she was really lovely and said they wouldn't just rule me out because of these issues but they would look at the whole picture. She also said I was doing good to be losing weight already. She did say the process may take a little longer for us because of it though, which I expected anyway.

x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi Gems,  I said I would get back to you after panel so here I am!! As you have probably read I got approval Yay!  Well my weight wasn't even mentioned at all which I was very surprised about.  The medical advisor who had already signed me off "fit to adopt" was on my panel and he did raise the subject of depression as I had a couple of periods but all he asked was if it was if I felt like I was prone to it or was it isolated incidents, I told it was and was only work related and that was that.  I believe that if your PAR is strong enough which apparently mine was fantastic I think weight and such like can be largely downplayed (obviously not if your health is effected by it or you cant keep up with a small one).
Anyway I hope that has helped you, keep up the good work with the diet and I'm going to follow my own advice and get back on track!!

Best wishes


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## gems23 (Apr 2, 2006)

Yay! so happy you got approval!.

Thanks so much for letting me know what they said.

x


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi Gems

My BMI was 44 when I started the process, DH similar - both now below 40 but still high   They look past weight...I have been worried about it all through the process but so far it's all ok. We go to panel in 5 weeks....don't let your weight put you off applying, this journey has been amazing and hopefully it's just going to get better.

Good luck hun x x


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

hi, hope it's ok to tag my question onto this thread rather than start a new one. i was just filling in my medical form to pass to my gp for our medicals and i came across one question i need some advice on:

'did you ever use street/recreational drugs and specify quantity and duration etc?'

now, back in 1992 and 1993, i smoked a bit a bit of marijuana...probably around 1 joint a day as the guy i was dating got me into it and i was just being a bit of a hippy. sooooo....my question is: do i mention this...what implications will it have? i never lived with him, and he sadly passed away in a motorcycle accident a few years ago so they won't ever contact him. do i continue with the honesty route or will this particular case of honesty hold things up with us? i haven't touched the evil stuff since.

any advice would be appeciated.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Be honest and tell them exactly what you just said on here. You have a very healthy attitude towards it now, in fact it may even be seen as a positive as you have a better understanding than others of the effects of it.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

I'm with Arrows, honesty is the best policy, especially if you can be open and constructive about your attitude now and what you've learned.


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

thanks girls....have gone down the honesty route and it feels right. ugh...still waiting for a sw to be allocated for our home study...it's been 6 weeks since the prep course. note to self...must remain patient!


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