# Calling all recipients............



## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

The Egg Share threads are wonderful and the ladies are all so supportive, but I find the majority of people taking part are donors and not recipients. Therefore I was wondering if there are any recipients out there who fancy joining me on a new thread so we can chat about our experiences etc?

Hope someone comes to join me soon...............don't want to get lonely in here

Love
Tracy 
xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Tracy,

Good idea! I'd love to talk to some recipients too. 

I've just had a disasterous 1st experience of DE - my donor did not produce enough follies and we had a week of 'it might go ahead, it might not, we can't make a decision yet" before the cycle was cancelled (for me at least, I assume she went on to EC for herself)

That was a week ago, and the clinic has just offered me a possible new donor. I'm thinking it over - have lost a bit of faith in them after the cancelled cycle but at the same time it's great to think I could get going again so quickly....

When is your next cycle starting?
Suitcase
x


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hiya Suitcase

That must have been awful for you!   I have been lucky so far, fingers crossed and touch wood    in that I haven't had a cycle cancelled due to not enough eggs/follicles. I know I will be truly gutted if that happens to us. We are currently working on the "no news is good news" basis as my clinic told me if I havent heard from them by 23 September (next Wed!!) that I have to go ahead and start taking the progynova (already had my baseline scan). All being well, depending on whether my donor lady responds, produces enough follies/eggs and we get fertilisation, treatment will be week commencing 5 Oct -not far away!!

It's fantastic that they have offered you a new donor so quickly though hun - I would go for it       

Looking forward to chatting a bit more

Love Tracy
xxx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Any more recipients out there??


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

yes, surely it can't be just us?!

Hope all goes well for you on Weds and you can start on the progynova...5th October is really close  

I'm in Finland this week for work, so am having telco with consultant next Tues when I'm back to discuss the new donor they have offered - I think I'll go with it, but at the same time I really need a bit of reassurance that I'm not going to be cancelled again...I know there are no guarantees, but I think I just need to talk it over before I make my final decision

Suitcase
x


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Wow Finland hun!  Do you get to travel around a lot with work?  That must be really interesting      I am jealous, stuck in my little office working for Local Authority   

I hope you feel better and more reassured after speaking to your Consultant.  Like you say there are no guarantees but a bit of assurance from clinic that they will do their best wouldn't go amiss!!

Can I ask you a question as a recipient?  You see my family and close friends are all aware of our situation and, out of necessity due to the amount of tx I have had, some work colleagues also know.  It is often said to me "Do you worry about the baby only being half yours?".  Personally I find this question ignorant in the extreme!  The way I view it is that the donor has donated an egg full stop.  Nothing more.  An egg that would not have any life without my partner's sperm fertilising it.  Once fertilised it is half my partners.  Once inside me, it is my body it will implant into, my body and placenta that will feed and nourish it, and me that will give birth to it, love it and cherish it for as long as I live .  So, I don't every in any way regard my future baby as not being mine.

Just wondered what your thoughts are on this?  It's not often I get chance to talk to a recipient about these things

Love
Tracy


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there, 

Well, I get to travel a fair bit I suppose. Less recently due to recession and cost cutting etc, but in the past I used to travel at least once a month, if not more often, and all over the world...
Am off to San Francisco for a few days in October, and probably back to Finland (I work for a Finnish company so a lot of my trips are to Finland!)

My friends and family all know what I'm doing too, although I've been more private with work and only 2 people know- and they are both people I count as friends as much as colleagues. Me being single makes it a bit different and I haven't told my boss because I'm not too sure how he'd react. Fortunately my job is quite flexible and I've managed to fit in tx around it. The one time I got pg and then had to have an ERPC after a missed miscarriage, I got signed off and just told them I had to have a minor gynae op. My entire team at work is male, so they didn't ask any questions once I'd said it was gynae related - too embarrassed I think!

Anyway, because I'm single it means I'm doing double donation so the child will have even less of a genetic link to me. But I've given it a lot of thought and like you I don't believe that means it is any less my child. I will carry it, give birth to it, bring it up...that makes it my child as far as I'm concerned. Being a parent isn't just about genes, it's about being there, every minute of every day, being the one who gets up in the night, cares for them when they are sick, teaches them the difference between right and wrong, plays with them, supports them etc etc...after all, adopted parents are no less parents just because they didn't give birth to their children. I have absolutely no doubt at all that I will love the child - possibly even more so since it's been such a long hard journey to get pg. 
I intend to tell the child about their origins from an early age. Because I'm single I would always have had to explain the sperm donor aspect, and now that I also need donor eggs, I intend to be open about that with the child too. I know not everyone feels this way, and I respect that, but for me, I feel it's the right thing to do. I want the child to know what their genetic origins were. And later, when they are old enough, if they want to find out about the egg/sperm donors, I will support that too. But I don't see the donors as their parents in any way, shape or form. They are simply the people who, very generously, donated the genetic material that helped to create the child. And if the child wants to know more about their genes, then that's fine by me. I'm still, and always will be, their mother

Mind you, got to actually get pg before any of this even becomes an issue  

There are quite a few of us on the single women board who are having double donation, and of course all of us are using sperm donors, so we've chatted about this quite a lot. And I can say with certainty that those who are pregnant now, or who are already lucky enough to have children, have never regretted it for a moment, and certainly do not feel any less the child's mother than those who did not need DE...

Suitcase
x


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hey Suitcase

I agree with everything you said there - in fact I bet most recipients feel the same way.  One thing I struggle to understand is the stories I hear about recipients who are so fussy about the donor during the matching process?  My nurse was telling me about a couple who rejected a donor because the donor was 1 inch shorter than the recipient, and also someone who rejected a donor because they did not have a University/Degree education!!!  

I am starting to think you and I are the only recipients on here      I am always interested to hear the views of donor's and their thoughts on sharing their eggs and things, an I thought perhaps recipients would be interested in other recipients views?  Perhaps not!      We will have to rename this thread the "Suitcase & Miss TC Chat Line"  

How's things with you today anyway?  Your work sounds glam with all that travelling!!!!  The furthest I get with work is an hour either up or down the A1!!    

Love
Tracy
xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,

Yes, I know what you mean about the donor selection process - it's all too easy to get hung up on the details. And yet all those I know who have been successful and have babies/children now, say that once the child is here, the donor characteristics cease to be important at all...the baby is their own person with their own unique characteristics. 
The only thing I wanted was as close a match in terms of colouring as me - I'm very fair with red hair and blue eyes, as are all my immediate family. And because I'm doing double donation, I wanted the child to at least feel that they 'fitted in' with the rest of the family in broad colouring terms. Almost impossible to get a red headed donor as apparently only 3% of the population have red hair, but I'm cool with fair/blonde etc....

All the travel isn't that glam I have to say - just tiring. I spend a lot of time in airports, taxis, hotels and meeting rooms. Rarely get to see much else. Today I got up early, ran a workshop all morning, had a couple of hours to catch up on emails, caught a flight from one finnish city to another, checked in at hotel, had dinner with a colleague and now I'm finishing emails before bed. Tomorrow I'll do the same thing all over again! Although tomorrow I'm flying home in the evening - 2 flights as have to go back to Helsinki to get London flight...so 5 flights in 4 days - pretty exhausting! 

Otherwise all is good though  

Hope you're doing well. Maybe someone else will be along to join us soon, and if not, it's a pleasure chatting with you anyway   
Suitcase
x


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## Pisces34 (Aug 23, 2009)

Well for what it's worth, I am not an egg recipient but I am enjoying your new thread although can't add any personal perspective, but I am quite interested in the perspective of the recipients so for me, even though I can't say much, it is still nice to read your experiences on here.

Don't give up.... if you build it, they will come  

xx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hiya

Pisces - thanks for the positive comments hunnie   glad you are finding us interesting  

Suitcase - I think the most important thing for me was similar colouring to me, although my DP and I are total opposites! I am small, quite well built with blond hair, blue eyes and fair skin, whereas he is medium build with very dark hair and very dark colouring (although not mixed race, just looks permanently tanned). I am guessing that no matter what the female colouring is like, my DP's characteristics will be the most dominant! At least I hope so cos I would love a little double of him  But to be honest, my dream is having my own baby to hold in my arms and I couldn't really careless if he/she was pink, blue or red with black dots!!    

You are right your job sounds very tiring! I am scared of flying so it sounds like my worst nightmare







Think I will stick to tootling up and down the A1 every now and then









Love
Tracy
xx


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi ladies, 

Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing......Just came across your thread while having a search around in the Egg Share section. I'm sure I've come across more recipients in the Egg/Sperm Donor section FYI.

I'm not receiving, but just going through the D/R stage, and hoping to be able to give my little eggies/embies away to someone. I'm quite intrigued how recipients feel about it all. I know my dream is just to be able to fall pregnant and have a child of my own. Me and my DW are needing sperm donation and hence why we want to give something back. This is my first IVF, so I'm also scared of the outcome of not being able to give or produce enough eggs myself.  

I need to sit and write my donoation statement, and want to make sure I cover everything possible a child/parents could ever want to know, it's very hard and everytime I start, I stop!! lol   I'm sure it will all come to me at once.

Sorry to gatecrash again, but i find it so interesting to hear how the recipient feels, especially as I'm hoping to give. It shocks me how fussy people are with their donors as you've previously mentioned. You would think that people who have been waiting for so long for donors really wouldn't be that fussy on the smallest detail considering the timescales and lack of donors there are. We have luckily got a nice match to our sperm donor, but really didn't think we could be in a place to be picky, as long as he was white, it doesn't really matter as you can't guarantee what characteristics a child will have! They are what you make them and what they will be!

L
xx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi ladies

*Suitcase * - honey, just wondering how you are getting on Any news?

*Misspie* - you welcome to gatecrash hun - if you have any questions you would like to know from a recipient angle then I am more than willing to answer you  you can PM me, or ask away on here 

AFM - things did not go well. Unfortunately my donor did not respond and did not get enough eggs to share. We were then put on "standby" Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week as our clinic said there were a couple of lady's who may have got enough eggs to share with 2 recipients. Unfortuantely, we got the call yesterday that it didn't happen and our treatment has been cancelled. We are totally gutted. They are going to try to match us again as quickly as possbile and get us in the December cycle of treatment. However, the most galling part of it is that I am expected to pay a £750 cancellation fee!! Even though it is through no fault of my own that the cycle has had to be cancelled 

So, enough from me - hope you will bob on soon with your news, and I am hoping it is better than mine!!

Love and hugs
Tracy
xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Miss TC - will PM you

Suitcase
x


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Miss TC, I am so very sorry!!!     What c**p, oh hun, will your recipient not donate all to you??


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Miss Tc - Am sorry your recipient didn't donate to you or produce enough eggs for you too. That really must be the biggest rollercoaster you can have gotten on. The time it takes for you to get to the stage of receiving a donation and then the doner doesn't give enough, I can't imagine the pain and upset. It doesn't bode to think about, but it has always been something that will make me think if I don't produce enough eggs and it can't be an easy decision.  

I've got my blood test Monday to see if I've D/Regged enough to start stimms next week.    Have been suffering with a heavy withdrawal bleed, and pains in both ovaries especially my left hand side. So hoping its worked well. 

Though I really could do with your thoughts, as I need to sit down this weekend and right my personal statement, and what with the drugs, I'm really at a dazed part, I really have to think hard to do anything at all. LOL 
Your thoughts on what you would like to see written to help you and also for your child. I've started but hit on a stumbling block, of "how much" too write. 


L
xxxxx


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## watn1 (Mar 14, 2008)

Another Gatecrasher  

Just wanted to say, I've enjoyed reading your thread. I also like to hear things from a receiptants point of view.

Tracey - I'm sorry to hear of your cycle, & I am totally shocked that you have to pay out even though it was totally out of your control. I'd read a few stories like yours which made me sign the 'donate all' form pretty early on in my cycle.x

Good luck to you all in your cycle's


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi all 

*watn1* - hello to another gatecrasher  Thanks for your kind words hunnie.

I want to make it clear that I do not blame the donor angel in any way, shape or form for the cancellation of my treatment. That poor woman must have been devastated! My heart goes out to her, it truly does  I also know from the clinic that she had to pay almost £4k to continue with her treatment which must have been devastating for her. If I knew who she was I would just give her the biggest hug!!

*Misspie* - it's a toughy hun about what to put in your personal statement. I think some ladies keep it very simple just to the very basics, such as features, hobbies, education, interests etc. From what I can gather, some people write letters explaining their reasons for egg sharing, and some people simply state that they have donated an egg and that the recipient is the real parent and just give the most basic details possible. It's personal preference really, and I know it must be a difficult thing to write.

If you want a totally honest recipient point of view - the egg donor is simply donating an egg that in a normal month would have been flushed away with their period. Without the sperm of the recipient's partner, and without the body of the recipient, the egg would not have life. I tend to view it as a basic genetic thing, so I guess I would like my donor to write a few details about their medical history, and their reasons for participating in the egg sharing scheme. I would also like the donor to make it clear that they in no way view themselves as a "parent" to any resulting child.

*I hope the above does not offend anyone reading this post - it is simply my very personal opinion as a recipient of donor eggs and is no way intended to offend anyone* 

Good luck with the personal statement  I hope that when you start to write it, the words just flow for you 

*Skybreeze* - hey hun thanks for your kind words 

*Suitcase * - hope things are ok with you hunnie - I know we have "spoken" via PM - just wanted to say 

Got good news from the clinic in that they have found me another donor, so hopefully, and fingers crossed, we will be able to go again in December. If all goes to plan our ET should be during week commencing 7 December   

Much love to all
Tracy
xxx


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hello ladies - I have "met" some of you on other threads  

I just wanted to join this thread as there is a possibility I might have to go down the DE route.  I should be more positive I know, but this is just a back-up plan thought process.  I am currently in my first cycle of IVF and had first scan on Tuesday where they could only see 2 follies  .  I have next scan tomorrow and they will advise whether I should continue, abandon or convert to IUI.  I was just wondering how much it costs for DE IVF in the Uk...roughly?

Thanks
GIA Too xxx

Miss TC - love your border terrier


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## Slumslut (Jan 21, 2010)

Just to say hello and that I am a Recipient too.
I am almost 34 and have POF (Premature Ovarian Failure) and am beginning a premature early menopause (the fun never stops does it?)
Had a failed DE cycle last month (Dec 09).  2 lovely embies but sadly BFN.
Back on the waiting list and frantically saving up again (finding the money we really don't have) to ahve another go.  Waiting list only 5 months or so now, but may well hold off as DH wants to donate sperm which will cut the cost a bit.  But process takes 6 months so if we want that money off our cycle will have to wait at least 6 months.
Meantime I am having a few blood tests to rule out inhospitable womb, sticky blood etc etc just to make sure I don't end up wasting my time when even more drugs are required!
I did not feel great during the 2 months of treatment last time, so can't say I am longing to go through it all again.  I seem to remember at the time saying "Never again"... but here we are!


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## katena (Nov 14, 2007)

Hiya Ladies,

Sorry - im not a recipient but a potential donor. I just wanted to pose a question as it has been briefly touched upon here.

If the donor does not produce enough eggs then i understand that they could keep them all (at what cost to them?) or give them all to the recipient.

IF the donor keeps them all - what happens to the recpient? Cost wise etc? 

Thank guys...just helps getting my/our heads straight for if/when this road begins 

kat


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