# Anyone using donor eggs at Instituto Bernabeu Alicante



## hopefulover40 (Aug 7, 2017)

Hi ladies

Are any of you using donor eggs at all from instituto bernabeu alicante? 

DH and I have been TTC for 3 years since we married (we are both 42). We have gone to two different clinics in Glasgow using my own eggs, my AMH is 13.2, we got around 12 eggs each cycle with between 3-4 going to 5 day blast, only evey had frozen emb twice. First round was a -ve, 2nd was a +ve resulting in a missed m at 7 weeks, 3rd & 4th were -ve then we changed clinics, 5th cycle was a +ve again resulting in another missed m at 7 weeks. We were advised to do PGS on remaining emb's which came back with all 4 non viable. We have just finished our 6th cycle, got 4 5 day blasts but the PGS came back last week as all non viable again.

We have been advised that donor eggs would be our best chance now but the Dr has said that if we keep trying we will eventually get one that sticks - it is just a numbers game. The issue is, we are just so scared to loose out on a baby by pushing my body for who knows how many more rounds rather than use egg donation.

DH is happy to try again here, stop completely or use ED, totally supportive of whatever we decide. I thought I would be completely OK with it all but now that it is actually the only real option we have left, I am really struggling with it all. 

Anybody else in the same boat? Will I feel more like the real mother given time and stop concerning myself that i will always feel the way i do just now?

Anybody been to Bernabeu? 

Thanks
x


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Hiya
Just my opinion but six cycles is a lot to go through and I am not surprised you are thinking DE. I gave in after two cycles as it's the money as well as the time and stress that I considered. Have a good read of the donor egg threads and see how you feel, it's really such a personal thing and there isn't a right or wrong.
I hope that helps a bit


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## Maggiephatcat (Feb 21, 2010)

Hi hopefulover40   


There is a thread on the Spain board, which is within the international board on fertility friends, dedicated to Instituto Bernabeu Alicante. It’s a clinic I considered when I was researching clinic in Spain for donor eggs. I used Vistahermosa in the end and have a son. I’m just replying on my phone as about to dash out the door for work, or I’d give you a link to the thread. Just use the search function, I’m sure you’ll find the thread.


Good luck   


Maggie x


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## Nicnik (Feb 17, 2016)

Hi Hopefulover40,

I am glad I came across your post, as I am in a similar position.

Firstly, so sorry to read of your missed miscarriages, I understand how heartbreaking it is.  

I am 43.5 and we've had 8 own egg IVF cycles over the last 5 years,with 16 embyros in total transferred.  Initially 3 goes with our local NHS clinic, for which the 3rd cycle we got a positive result however, this ended in missed miscarriage at 10 weeks.  Took a year out and we then did 2 cycles with a clinic in Spain, also doing PGS, from which we had one perfect chromosomally normal embyro transferred however, this unfortunately ended in a negative result.  Then over the last year we have done 3 cycles with a clinic in Greece, which was a negative  outcome.  Every cycle we have done, we always get good / very good quality embryos.  I've had an ERA and also a hysteroscopy in Greece and it didn't reveal anything untoward.  No issues with sperm, so, we just have to put it down to my old eggs I think, which is frustrating, as I'm a 'young' 43 and couldn't be any healthier with regards to diet / exercise / very little alcohol / general health etc. 

We have decided not to do any further own egg cycles, which breaks my heart, as I still produce plenty of eggs when I cycle (usually around 6 or 7) and the embryos have been good quality, but we can't keep going on and on with no result and wasting money when the chances are so slim.  So, donor egg it is, but like you, I am struggling with the idea - I will definitely do it, but I have so many thoughts / concerns going through my head and I'm finding it hard to make that next step and make arrangements, even though I'm petrified time is running out and am in a hurry to be a mum! 

More than happy to message privately if you would like to 'talk' further re; your thoughts etc, as I am sure we have similar feelings about it.    xx


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## hopefulover40 (Aug 7, 2017)

Hi Ladies

Thank you all so much for replying. 

I will look on the Spain board for some info, just so scared about doing it all. 

We had a counselling session yesterday and the person spend half of the entire hour telling us that we must tell the child from birth so we must also tell family , friends and the childs school as the ensure a rounded child who does not feel they cannot trust us, is not being lied to etc. and feels happy to discuss how they feel about being a mixed family child with whoever they want to. They even gave us books they think we should read to the child from birth.... We are both now even more upset and we were not sure what to do regarding that issue and we most definitely do not want the entire world to know - if we did, we would just stay in the UK for treatment. The thought of that actually is making me have second thoughts, I though this would be our secret if we wanted it to be - not an open issue for discussion and judgement (most def in the case of my mother-in-law) and my failure as a woman (as she will see it)! I wanted to just cry after that.


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## Postivevibes (Sep 4, 2018)

Hi

I stumbled on this thread as we are in a similar position. I'm 43 and facing similar things.

I feel that Donor egg route is being pushed onto us. Had a horrid meeting at a London hosp yest incidentely heads up, the Dr who saw us heads up a Uk donor program and despite me being regular with my periods fit and healthy etc and us never having even a shot at IVF, we felt there was a heavy emphasis because of my age to go the donor route . The Dr swang between it being possible for us to conceive naturally still and this NOT being ruled out to saying IVF would not stimulate eggs and she would advise going straight to donor. This is a London NHS hospital and honestly I really felt for you when you said about the councelling you had over donor eggs. I think that my experience on the UK so far with Fertility has been shocking. Including them not even weighing me correctly on the first appointment and having to reweigh me as they put my BMI 1.00 over where it should have been and after 2 scans (same person) all of 5 minutes they cannot find both ovaries but still want to guess how many folicles are there . I have NO faith in the NHS now and my friend who conceived twins has said a lot of what they are telling us doesn't stack up and has recommended we go to ARGC clinic for advise. I was always an NHS supporter. Not anymore. If we have to go the donor egg route which is looking likely we will probably go to Europe. Our experience has been really unfortunate as the way things are handled here scare you off continuing with any form of treatment in our experience so far and there is zero emotional support for the rollercoaster this is. I wish you the best of luck with everything and don;t give up hope. Follow your heart. xx


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## hopefulover40 (Aug 7, 2017)

Hi ladies.

Thanks for the further comments. I really do appreciate it and it is good to know that I am not alone in how I feel.

I think the DE route is pretty much the only route we are being given now, my age keeps being thrown in my face. One Dr (at a private clinic we went to after the NHS told us I would need to wait 21 days after my scan confirmed a MMC before they would treat me) actually said that it was common for women like me to suffer a MMC at my age as I had clearly put off becoming a patent for my career! I nearly went over the desk at him. In truth, my career tanked 2 years ago when I had to tell my (female) boss I was starting IVF as she wanted to deploy me out to work far from home and I needed to be here for scans etc. Now I watch my younger male staff being promoted over me, well those and the women who's kids are older - apparently they can give more time that I can to the job as my focus is elsewhere...

Anyway, I diverted! I can understand about dr's being very uncaring about what they say to us daring to be over 40 and wanting a family. I also am sick of being blamed - what if my eggs are ok and it's the sperm that is the problem? I would love to have a genetic child of our own but the reality is - how many more times can we go through IVF with PGS (which takes around 4 mths start to finish and around £7k) until one embryo works and how old would we be? DE may give us the chance of a family faster with less chance of complications etc.  

I am still struggling with the thought of DE but to try to keep the ball rolling, we contacted IB, they have found us a donor and I started taking the HRT twice a day on Saturday. I keep thinking that hopefully by the time this mock round is over and I start the real one the head to Soain in Nov, I'll be more prepared and ready to accept it all. I keep reading people's posts saying that the don't regret DE use after they are pregnant, I pray that I feel the same way.


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## Postivevibes (Sep 4, 2018)

I really believe that the baby you are meant to have is out there waiting for you. It really I don't think matters donor egg or no donor egg, it is just the terrible way over 40's are treated in telling them this may be the only route. Also the 1 size fits all mentality that we have experienced with regards to fertility in the UK. In our case there has been an emphasis on stalling to get us referred for years, so we are obviously extremely furious at the shocking treatment we have received. 

Two people this week, one who had a very long and painful journey to motherhood have said follow your gut instinct, don't take no for an answer, question everything by asking Drs etc the right questions so you can be as informed as possible. 

Do not give up hope, I really feel for you as after a few meltdowns over this myself, I really understand the rpocess you are going through, as I'm going through it myself. 

We're looking at Cyrpus and Chzc republic for donor/ivf just not sure who to go with and have narrowed it down to IVF Cuve, Reprofit, Repromeda, Team Miracle (cyprus) Just not sure which. We have also been looking at adoption. 

Sending you a lot of positive thoughts and if you want to Pm me, do. xx


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## AK42 (4 mo ago)

hopefulover40 said:


> Hi ladies
> 
> Are any of you using donor eggs at all from instituto bernabeu alicante?
> 
> ...


Hi, Did you go to Bernabeu ? I am in Glasgow as well and had bad experience with my first cycle and following 4 x FET with GCRM. Now thinking between GRI (self funded) or Bernabeu in Spain? I am keen to use my OE. 
What was your experience in Bernabeu? Which doctor did you use and do you know which one is better - Alicante or Madrid?


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## Lola2021 (Dec 25, 2020)

I second what Kiss said. We were in a similar position (went though IUI, IVF and ICSI) but my egg quality & quantity were poor. Never got any fertilization. Just couldnt put myself through another cycle 😕 So we made the decision to go to DE. We were so lucky it worked first time. I will be eternally grateful to our donor for the gift that she has given us and I think about her a lot. Its not something that I will ever forget but at the same time there is no question in my mind as to who my babys mum is.
It’s not an easy decision that you have to make so don't rush it. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.
Good luck xxx


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## Mac78 (Jul 11, 2017)

Hi, my journey was a bit different as I had to go down DE route due to POF. It took some time for me to come to terms with my condition and accept that DE was my only hope to conceive. The questions I kept asking myself were; what was more important - a genetic related child, or experiencing pregnancy and giving birth? By the time I made my decision I was over 40, so also had to deal with judgmental talks from Doctors and nurses, which I didn’t pay attention to any of that. Being pregnant was so magical and watching my lithe bean grow inside of me was so fulfilling and this was my only focus. My well being and making sure my little bean was growing healthy and strong, everything else was just noise. 
Yes, a precious seed was given to me, and for that I am so grateful, but my body did all the work and I so proud of that. 
My little miracle is much more that I could possible imagine. Sometimes, I feel like my heart is going to burst with so much love. If there is any regret, would be for taking so long to decide. However, being 100% sure of my decision gave me a thicker skin to deal with any nasty comment.
It’s a decision that only you can find the answer, and as mentioned here, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. If I may, my only advice is to focus on your heart’s desires. This is what is important, the rest is just noise. 
Good luck with everything.


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## JCB2095 (Dec 29, 2021)

AK42 said:


> Hi, Did you go to Bernabeu ? I am in Glasgow as well and had bad experience with my first cycle and following 4 x FET with GCRM. Now thinking between GRI (self funded) or Bernabeu in Spain? I am keen to use my OE.
> What was your experience in Bernabeu? Which doctor did you use and do you know which one is better - Alicante or Madrid?


Hey. I’ve had a similar experience and have had a NHS funded cycle in Glasgow and self funded in Glasgow too. If you have any questions, pls feel free to pm


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