# Too early to prepare child's room?



## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

Hi all ,

DH and I have completed the Intro to Adoption Course, had our interview to proceed with the adoption and will soon find out if we begin our home study straight away or go on a waiting list. I am very much in "nesting" mode and anxious to prepare our child-to-be room. Is this too soon? I suppose I don't want our SW thinking we are overly keen or jumping the gun so to speak. Yet, at the same time my co-workers and friends keep reminding me this is almost like my own version of a 9 month pregnancy and my behaviour of wanting to decorate our child's room is very normal. 

A cot bed has been offered to me by someone from work...and I didn't know if I should pass of the offer or go ahead and put in the spare room....

Any advice?


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Personally i would wait as this can be a fairly long journey sometimes and it would of driven me mad having a room ready before i needed it  plus if i were a sw i would think it quite strange that you had a cotbed in your spare room when you have got no idea what age child you will be placed with (even though you will know in your own mind it's always good to appear to be open minded) 

just my opinion it's entirely up to you 

pam xx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi, 
These are just my thoughts but I would resist the urge for now...I fully understand your nesting urge and do think it's normal...I have been desperate to decorate a littlies room for so long now and am trying to chanel my enthusiasm into tidying cupboards etc which is not the same thing! I agree with Pam I think it could seem to a SW that you have closed your mind too much if they see a room all ready for a very young child, again just my opinion but when they're a bit bigger you may want to make it a bit more gender specific and also reflective of the child's likes. We are presently waiting to hear if we've been shortlisted for a sibling pair (boy and girl) and unless they have been sharing a room we will put them in their own rooms give the rooms a freshen up with colours we think they will like and hold off on borders and curtains etc until we know what they like. 

Also unfortunately the process can be a lengthy one we have been waiting almost a year since we were accepted to proceed with the adoption process.


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Good Morning

I think Pam and Viva have offered you some good advice.  You may give your Social Worker the impression of some pre-conceived ideas. I agree that it is normal to want to make a room become a childs room and one of my friends pointed out to me that 'I am just having a different pregnancy'.  But, maybe due to the length of the process in a year or so's time your taste may have changed and you might see other furniture/colours that you would prefer.  Like Viva said, I would use all that inspiration and enthusiasm you currently have into tidying cupboards etc.

Let us know when your homestudy starts.

Lynn x


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## lambklly2 (Nov 1, 2005)

Hello I do agree with what the others have said, but I am at the same stage as you and am feeling exactly the same   I have cleared out my 2 spare rooms and am just going to get the ceilings painted and the walls painted in a neutral colour, then I am closing the doors, Im not putting anything in the rooms until we have been matched, but I think its ok to get the room cleared ready.  

Kelly xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

yes it's fine to clear the room/rooms ready but thats as far as i'd go. saying that we were still plastering our spare room when our ds sw and lw came to meet us and they still proceeded with the match and didn't see it as a problem. we ended up fitting a carpet 2 days before intros started    but we were matched with a young baby and he was going in our room to begin with anyway 

pam xx


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## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

Thanks ladies! I shall resist the urge!  I have made some sweet artwork to go on the walls and my mother had a lovely satin and minky marterial bedding esspecially made that I love (which will fit in a cot or a toddler bed). But, I will pack it away for now. 

It is difficult for me as I am such a planner and like to plan ahead so there will be less stress in the future. However, I am begining to realise that being in control of the process is very much not in my hands. 

I must be patient  

Thanks for your words of wisdom!


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

be patient hun and only get those things out after you have been matched with a child   it'll be sooooo exciting then too and it'll feel even more special getting a room ready for a child that you know a little about rather than a child that as yet you don't know (does that make sense ?)

pam xx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

We are a bit different as, having been thinking of adoption, we are now thinking of fostering where the process is a bit quicker but we could have children of a variety of ages placed with us over the course of a year.  

We needed to redecorate the room that would become the children's room anyway so for the moment I repainted it (in a light green, and even if we had a boy or girl with us long term I wouldn't be painting it in pink or blue, and green matches the carpet), and moved out quite a few of the things that were in it so it is possible to see, for example, where a single bed would go.

At the moment it has a single futon, and my sewing things, and it will be used in the meantime for a) my niece to stay in when she comes and b) sewing! Previously if any SW had looked at our house they would have thought "they haven't got room for a child" even though we have 2 spare bedrooms. So I think it was worth doing for that, anyway. But we haven't made it a permanent boy toddler's room, for example.


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hello!

I get that nesting instinct too!  I've starting clearing my spare room, mostly because we're getting other rooms decorated and need temporary space to put furniture while the painting's getting done.  Some of our stuff is going into storage to make room for a baby (or 2 - we know it'll be a baby because it's a baby adoption agency we've applied through).

I've bought a couple of toddler books, and a nice advent decoration (!) but that's all.  I'm not buying anything else till we matched, but will decorate after we're approved.

One thing that has really helped me is to have a project to work on.  I'm doing a tapestry of a caterpillar that will hang on our nursery wall, I've been doing it for months and still got a fair bit to go but hopefully will be finished by the time we adopt!

Bx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Lots of good advice about holding out for a little bit longer but nothing wrong like everyone has said for clearing out the room you intend for child/ren to go into.

If you've got the nesting urge then clearing out the room should help & there is nothing wrong with a fresh lick of paint in a neutral colour so you can change it if you want to.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Having said that I wouldn't decorate a room , I have caved in in other areas!  I bought a gorgeous 'board' book which has quite a detailed story, (all about how special a little mouse is to their mummy, just as special as all the other babies are to their mummys), also a simple game (age from 3 up) and am knitting a toy dog, I have tried to restrict myself to things that are apropriate to our 0-4 age group.
Viva
XXX


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

I too have to admit i did buy a few things like, safety stuff and night lights also so some towels of all things   but they were in the sale and were really bright with sea monsters on them    but i didn't let on to my sw that i had them  

pam xx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

I only bought some 'kids' storage boxes  which i reckoned i coudl use myself if everything went belly up and we treated ourselves to some cheap story books, a bead-toy and a harrods teddy bear once we knew we were linked (as they could be used for babysitting friends kids).

I am really glad we didn't do anything except clear the room beforehand as it made the time between matching and bringing her home extra special as we built the furniture, decorated and bought things just for her.  We really felt so proud to be shopping for OUR little girl (we found out on day two of intros that she loved animals so we went for a 'noahs ark/animal' theme with plain walls and primary coloured animal stickers etc.)  Also - we didn't know til intros if we needed a cot or a bed as she was 19months and some children are in beds by that stage (we got a cotbed and still use it as a cot at 28months).  We also were given lots of bedding, clothes and toys from the foster family so we really only needed to buy some fitted sheets and new curtains!

magenta x


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Hang on in there for the time being would be my advice.

We have been linked to a little boy but untill the panel meets in October I am resisting the urge to nest too much - even though it is incredibly difficult and whenever we go out I eye up people's push chairs!!

x


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## GuitarAngel1979 (Sep 8, 2005)

shivster said:


> Hang on in there for the time being would be my advice.
> 
> We have been linked to a little boy but untill the panel meets in October I am resisting the urge to nest too much - even though it is incredibly difficult and whenever we go out I eye up people's push chairs!!
> 
> x


you are good. I think if I were at your point in the process, I could not resist!  But, I am resisting for the time being. Going to paint the spare room and refurnish some antique furniture for the spare room to use when we are matched. That should keep me busy for a while


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

GuitarAngel- My friend has a scrapbook of how she wanted to decorate the room, where to get the things from  etc but she is just going to panel, we have just been interviewed as her references, but she won't know if she'll get approved, and if so what sex or age- her preferance is pre school any sex, but I guess if they are aged 3-4 then they might want a say in their own room! She also said that even after getting approved by panel it could be months afterwards before she is placed.  (Her SW has also failed to complete her paperwork in time for the orginal Sept panel so it is now the end of Sept- my friend is furious!!)

I know what you mean about the nesting instinct- I'm having my 4 ICSI soon and have a wardrobe full of baby clothes that I have bought over the last 2 years for the when!!, and have been looking for another house (just in case) I have a spare room but would want an additional room and to live in a slightly different area of London, but at the moment I'm staying put as I figure that I will have warning.  


Good Luck
Lx


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

I am the eternal pessimist.

I hope all will be well and our little man will be _our_ little man, but I feel safer being cautious for self preservation.

Do what feels right for you Guitarangel,

Best of luck x


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