# out of order comment?



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies just when I was feeling ok my mum has made a horrible comment. Last week I was told a cousin who I don't see is in hospital been induced 3 weeks early cause her baby stopped growing ( she's smoked heavily through her pregnancy and her 1st baby also had problems with growth due to smoking) I was angry and so was my family to hear and she obviously didn't learn the first time. Anyway baby was born safe and sound thankfully and I went to July mums with my partner today and she asked me if I wanted to see a picture. I said I didn't really feel like it today I was glued up and emotional anyway and when I said no my mum's words were " your a right ***** sometimes" I was so shocked and how I kept myself from bursting into tears is beyond me. The minute I got home I went upstairs in floods of tears. My mums not very understanding anyway she knows I'm seen a counsellor but never asks how it's going but to make that comment really hurt me. I feel like I have no one to talk to at all and when I do talk it's like it goes through one ear out the other with everyone. It's hurt me alot why can't people just have some sensitivity towards people who have fertility problems sorry for the rant but needed get it out somehow xx


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Was meant to say b****h but came out women


----------



## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Oh Tinkerbell, I know it's your mum but what a b***h herself.  There is no excuse for that comment, under any circumstances.  What has it got to do with her whether you see the picture or not?  She has no right to judge you or call you names.

Obviously you know your mum best but I would suggest that perhaps you stop trying to tell her anything and just accept that she is not capable of giving you support and being who you want her to be.  I know this is v v hard.  My mum has come out with some choice phrases sometimes and I try not to disclose too much, but it is tough when really you just want a hug and to be supported. 

The ladies on here are really supportive and it is good that you are seeing a counsellor.  Rant away!  Also the thread in this section about worst comments received also shows that it is very common unfortunately.

Mon
X


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thank you for your reply and your right I shouldn't keep trying because I'm not getting anywhere. My mum is a very snappy and stubborn person and 1 minute she seems to have sympathy and the next I get horrible comments I feel I'm drifting away from her alot. I just don't see why I should be all joysover a cousin I never see and especially when they no what I've been through and put there little babies at risk!! And then apparently she's told my Nan she's going to keep having children until she has a girl!!   she wants to be thankful for the ones she has. I can't get what mum said out of my head because the day before she was saying how horrible it was that she chained smoked through the pregnancy and put her baby at risk AGAIN when I'm having problems and need ivf then today I hear that comment. I'm not going to try with my mum anymore


----------



## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

So sorry to hear that, you would have been well within your rights to say , no its the women who smoke or drink ect during precious pregnancies that are b***h*s!!! Grrr


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your comment I was just so angry to how much my mum was saying she was disgustedin how she smoked through the pregnancy knowing what her first baby went through tthen as soon as its born it's all been forgotton it's so irritating x


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Tinkerbell, I am so shocked by people sometimes.  I know that everyone is different but I cannot believe that your Mum would use such language to describe you.  Something happens to women around babies or baby talk (particularly those who are lucky enough to have had children), they just loose all ability to empathise with a different situation and it suddenly becomes a cardinal sin to have any opinion but a happy one.

You should be so proud that you held it together, but at the same time I hate to hear of people getting away with really awful behaviour (my mother in law is one of them   )

I really struggle to hear about babies being born in sad circumstances.  Finding it hard to hear about a woman knowingly putting her baby at risk does not make you a bad person at all.

On the irrelevantly funny side, I love that the forum changed b****h to women, what a Fraudian slip!!!  The system was clearly designed by men / mothers / mother in laws (delete as appropriate)


----------



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

Some people really do say the wrong thing! My mums lovely when it comes to our infertility she doesn't understand it but tries to be there anyway, my oh mum on the other hand do not get me started, she's baby obsessed and his lil sister who's got a baby, sun shines out her ass basically can't say a bad word about her or your made out to be some *****. What we have found best we have completely distanced ourselfs from them, I know it's your mum but maybe distance yourself a bit and maybe shel realise that you are drifting apart


----------



## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

b.......I.......t.......c........h


----------



## boopster1977 (Jun 29, 2011)

tinkerbell24

Im having similar problems with my mother, when we started ttc nearly 4 yrs ago she was so supportive but since my niece was born she just doesn't understand and can be quite harsh.  I've just had an early miscarriage and she made a comment about me 'passing the embryo' I was so upset.  Oh and when SIL was pregnant and I was still grieving over failed FET I got told I was 'sucking all the joy out of it for her'.

It's so sad when you can't even turn to your own mother for support. 

I tried  distancing myself from mine but was made out to be the bad person so I confronted her in the end (several times now) and have told her some home truths, don't know if they've been take in board but makes you feel better.

Dont let them get you down-just say balls to the lot of them!!!

Helen x


----------



## Kelloggs (Aug 15, 2011)

Tinkerbell that is awful 

I'm having a similar problem with my entire family, i got referred for ivf the same day my sister told me she was pregnant. We dont get on well and have struggled to sort it out with this situation. To cut a long story short my dad told me i need to get over my problems as its not my sisters fault and need to be happy. I'm currently on my 2nd ivf and they have no idea this time as i've chosen to keep them out as they werent any support last time they just upset me more. 
Always here if you need a chat just pm me xxx


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Great replies ladies glad I'm not the only one. Molly you made me giggle!   my mum is so unusual we just can't get on much at all she snaps at most things. So I should be used to it by now but you always expect your parents to be there but that's not always the case unfortunately. They don't seem to understand at all. I can't talk to dp mum either has her youngest son and girlfriend have had a baby so it's very awkward and I hate been there when they are there cooeing over the baby and basically ignoring us I could really scream at people. I saw a lady in my street the other day who knows of my problems and she lifted up her top shown me her bump. Shown me a scan and told me names...my mouth fell open   I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone whether it's primary or secondary BUT I wish they could be us for just a few days to know just how it feels then just maybe they wouldn't be so horrible xx


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Kellogs just seen your reply how awful. I'm also thinking that when I have ivf I'm keeping it a secret cause I cant deal with the ivf on top of vile comments it's no good for us whilst going through that... I wish you luck in your second ivf


----------



## MariMar (May 14, 2013)

Hi All,

Reading this and laughing... And feeling grumpy! It's true - sometimes as much as you're happy for acquaintances or friends being pregnant, you kind of think... 'Are you not getting enough attention from everyone else you tell your good news to? Do you really need to describe it at length to EVERYONE you even slightly know?' This is obviously for friends who know what you're going through  

Baby dust to you all, and


----------



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi Mari ma ur completely right. On top of that I've had 2 friends announce pregnancy this week. 1 been my supposed best friend. This is her third. She's been threw a tough time with first husband and I was there 4 her but when I had my problems I just got the odd text and now it seems she only wants text me to announce apregnancy or talk about herself....how people change when you need them most x


----------



## MariMar (May 14, 2013)

Oooh, Tinkerbell... That's why Fertility Friends is so good, you can talk with people who are in the same situation and get it. I think IF is just really hard for people to imagine. It would be as if you knew you would never meet a partner, or never have a job (this is if you really, really wanted either, I guess some people don't!), or something else that you always assumed, from when you were young, that would just happen. And you're powerless to do anything about it, and everyone just seems to be racing ahead of you. It's one of the stranger things in life that could happen to someone. Having children makes you child-centred - she should be, it's biological and she's doing what she's meant to as a mother, but it means that she's being a crap friend. So it makes sense, but it doesn't help you much! I guess we forget that being a new mum is probably tough too (if only I had that problem!  ), and perhaps she feels wrong in talking to you too much about it, so your communication is getting a bit stunted. Maybe you just need to tell her you're needing a bit more than she's giving at the moment? Worth a try!

x


----------

