# feels like i have been punched in the stomach



## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Grils,

I'm so upset and seething - the thing is, I don;t really know why....

I have been feeling much better these past few weeks....until tonight. I received an email from a girl I used to work with (overseas, in developing/conflict countries). We were friends, we even went travelling around north India together when she was in Banglasdesh and I was in Sri lanka, and we used to get on v well. I didn't think then that there was anything that I didn't like - maybe I thought that her life was a bit charmed, came from a big happy family and didn't seem to have had any issues in life. 

She had her daughter, then I had mine about 6 months later, then as I tried and tried and tired she had two more. 3 under 4rys at one point. She is again living overseas - her husband is a complete weirdo about 20 years older than her - and she just sent a group email complete with loads of pics of her perfect family saying that she was going ot be home for holidays and it has just left me f*cking SEETHING. Why does she get to have the perfect f*cking family? Why couldn;t she have just had two, and me have another or even others I know that don;t have any children just have 1? What makes her so f*cking special? She already had the perfect life, why did she deserve so f*cking much?

Oh dear. Looks like I have a long way to go to get over this    

R xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hey I couldn't read and run. I know how you feel when you say you don't know why your upset the slightest thing that could seem so small to someone eles seems huge to me. My friend also has 2 and 3rd on way. With her first I didn't think I had fertility issues and I'm I agreed to be her godmother anyway after my ectopic and diagnosis she text to say she was pregnant I had a page long test saying how she found out names scans everything. I just text back a short sweet text. Then my mum told me the other day she's splattered all over ******** (I'm not on ********) she's left her army husband and got with a ex and is now pregnant again she hasn't even told me yet. There's also a girl in my street who has a 7 year old girl who is filthy and pregnant again she told me how she drinks energy drinks each day and smokes heavily cus she can't stop. I had counselling cus I got really bad and it helped me so much I can't recommend enough BUT there's still going to be bad days sometimes I think to myself that's it I've had enough I can't do this anymore I just want to packup and run far far away but other days I can get through it easier. Every wwekend me n my partner visit his mum and his younger brother his there with his gf and step daughter and his baby daughter. All through her pregnancy his mum seemed to care about us around the baby issue then as soon as Labour kicked in we got nasty comments thrown at us, texts and now the baby fee months old and when I go I still can't look or speak to her I just can't cus I feel I need to protect myself if that makes sense. Infertility is so hard cus when a family's member or friend is pregnant we kind of distanvt ourselves and we either loose that person or they understand if they understt it's easier cus it's not rubbed in your face. I always say there's times like this you get to know who your friends truly are. Good luck hun. If you ever need rant rant away that's what the sites for I couldn't get through it without this site x


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hi Rubster

So sorry you are feeling so bad, I know its hard when its happening to everyone around you, one thing that gets me through it is remembering I wouldn't wish the pain of infertility on anyone, so if its one less person out there going through this heartache then I'm glad, I'm 7 years ttc and yet to get a single BFP

Have you ever tried counselling? We went and found it really useful, I know its not for everyone though

Lilly


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi rubster,

I know just how you feel, & I don't think the reaction to other people's pregnancies ever goes away  . There is a big fat gobby woman at our mum and baby group who would probably have got right on my nerves even had she not been pregnant, but her little boy turned one just before my daughter & she is already about to pop with another.

She goes out from the group several times for a cigarette during the hour and a half, taking for granted that everyone else will watch her son while she is gone and pick him up when he falls.

There's no rhyme or reason to infertility, but I just look at people like that, oblivious to their good fortune, & know that 5 kids to someone who can pop them out effortlessly won't bring them the joy that one miracle does to those of us who have learned through infertility the true value of a child. 

I genuinely don't think having another results in twice the happiness, at least not for people who haven't struggled. Look after yourself & keep a bit of distance from the smug pics & ** posts. Fertiles can be very self absorbed & just don't think how their boasting can come across.

B xxx


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