# Wondering about next steps



## JasperP (Oct 10, 2010)

Hello all

DH and I have been trying for a baby for just over 18 months.  We had a shock last year when we found out that DH's sperm count was low.  It's been tested again and, although the count is higher, it's 90% abnormal. We've been told that our only hope is IVF.

I was told by my consultant that, as long as I dropped my BMI below 30 by May, I'd probably get one round of IVF on the NHS, as long as it's completed by my 40th in September.  I've lost a few pounds, but the dieting has triggered my eating disorder again so I've not lost anywhere near enough weight.

I'm already fed up of blood tests, scans and so on.  I want to cry every time I go in the hospital.  

I don't feel that I can face IVF - the physical procedures, the emotional cost and the financial costs. Which means that I have to start letting go of the idea of having a child with my lovely husband.  

Have any of you decided not to pursue IVF?  

Marcia x


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## karenann (May 22, 2010)

Hi Marcia,

I really feel for you I understand how difficult it is when you are faced with the decision to stop treatments.    I was told last year that I would need IVF - I have had 2 miscarriages and difficulty conceiving. My DH and I didn't go for IVF - My DH felt that it was time to stop - I understand his reasons though at times have found it incredibly difficult - It's a case of my head agreeing with him but my heart longing for a baby    
I think only you and your DH know when it is time to stop, when its enough - Its a dreadful decision and I wish none of us had to make it. 
I too battled with my weight a few years ago and have had issues with my eating, I find that when things are difficult I really can struggle with it. I know how hard it is when you need to lose weight. 

I am so sorry you are going through this I know on this site you can find great support and comfort. Please feel free to PM me if you need to chat or vent - I don't have any of the answers but I have also had to make the decision not to go for IVF and appreciate just how gut wrenching and painful it can be.

Sending you huge    

Take care
Karenann xx


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi Marcia   

You need to do what you feel is right - if your not happy with persuing tx then you need to tell your dh so that he undertsands your concerns and you can both discuss the future.

Have you considered adoption?  Might be worth looking into this option   or you could both just decide that you are happy as you are   Just by talking about the situation will help you both come to a decision that is best for you both.

Whatever route you choose i wish you well.

Love

Debs xxx


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