# Morgana's story



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Thought I would add mine

I married my DH in early 2000 and we immediately started trying for a family. I had been on the pill for several years and was concerned that when I stopped taking it my cycle seemed very random. We were over the moon however when in October 2000 I became pregnant. This joy was short lived when I m/c at 8 weeks. I was gutted, especially as I had had a previous m/c in 1997 ( which I had managed to convince myself was just a one-off unlucky thing to happen). We carried on hoping and again in August 2001 I discovered I was pregnant. This time we were very cautious, I took extra special care but to no avail as I only got to 6 weeks before I m/c. We cried bucket loads of tears and when I had mopped them up I marched of to my GP who very 'sympathetically' told me to go away and get over it because it happened to lots of woman and no....I didn't need to be referred.

Thankfully we moved shortly afterwards and I registered with another GP. By 2002 the pieces were starting to fit into the jigsaw puzzle. I had my diagnosis of PCOS, explaining my loopy cycle and we were referred to a specialist for investigations about my recurrent m/c and for fertility tests. That was when the next bomb dropped. My DH was found to have poor quality sperm with low numbers, a high percentage of abnormalities and poor movement.

And so it all started.....the visits, the drugs, the hopes and disappointments. We tried Clomid...no luck. We tried again, and again, and again....no luck. We moved onto ICSI, I struggled to respond to the drugs, we kept trying....still a poor response....finally on the biggest dose they could give me my levels slowly creaked into action and eventually I was ready for the next stage. We got through to egg collection day with an exciting 30 follicles looking 'hopeful' (hopes raised) and we got 5 eggs (hopes falling). 4 fertilised but by transfer day one had fragmented leaving us with one 8 cell and 2x 5 cell embryos. But yet again things got complicated and I discovered that my bloated belly was actually not just due to the trauma of the egg collection and instead I was in the early stages of OHSS. The next couple of weeks were hell. I still have the stretch marks on my belly where it expanded to the size of a small elephant's belly. I couldn't leave the house because one look at me and people thought I was in the final stages of pregnancy and asked me when I was due. My kidneys were affected, and I couldn't even manage up the stairs unless I crawled on my hands and knees. Worst of all my precious 'babies' were put into the deep freeze 

Six months later we were ready to try FET on a natural cycle. We had two embryo's replaced and sadly the remaining one did not survive the thaw. It failed and we sat sadly grieving. The fear of developing OHSS again and the struggle I had with responding to the drugs actually made the decision to stop treatment fairly easy.

When we were ready we began contacting our nearby social services departments to ask about adoption. We also looked at VA's and found the one that we decided to proceed with. I was adopted myself and have had the privilege of knowing both my adopted and birth families. DH and I had already spoken during our treatments about adopting and we were certain that we were doing the right thing. After deciding on our agency a SW came to visit us in the January of 2005 and agreed they would like us to join them. We were shocked when a cancellation of another couple meant we could start our prep course in the February and March. We really enjoyed both parts of the course and any niggling doubts we might have had were quickly put to rest.

We then threw ourselves into to home study with gusto. We were fortunate enough to be allocated a SW who had been on our prep course and who has seen us right to the end. The HS was very draining and made us examine aspects of our lives that we had not previously had to analyse and we frequently were exhausted at the end of the sessions. Our portfolio also gave us a few headaches ( especially trying to chase the many people who had promised to write a letter of support and then promptly forgot about their promise). But slowly our folder filled up and section by section we completed it. Unfortunately due to personal circumstances (including a house move and a change of job for each of us) we had to take a 'time-out' for about 6 months but soon got back on track and finally we were approved at panel in October 2006.

Our SW had seen a two little boys in late summer and things were starting to progress but unfortunately it seemed that their SW had been a little bit 'inventive' with some issues and it turned out that there were a couple of major issues which put them outside of our criteria for matching so we sadly withdrew. Then just as we were going to panel two other children were brought to our attention but then were withdrawn because one child began exhibiting behaviour that meant they were no longer suitable to be placed at that time.

Because our agency was a VA we were immediately placed on the adoption register which generated 7 phonecalls about us in the first week. Included in this was two little girls who I will call Smiler - 3 and Dancer - 8 It became obvious that they were an ideal match when we received their form E's, and we sobbed for joy when we saw their photo's for the first time. Several phonecalls and emails later and we were sitting with 2 SW's from their LA in our living room and letting them poke around our house. It apparently took them 30 secs after they left to agree we were the ones and now we are just waiting for our matching panel date (which will be Feb 2007 because the girl's SW will be away until then).

We have been given the go-ahead to start organising school and nursery placements and my heart exploded with happiness when I went into the school to pick up the registration forms and the receptionist called through to the administrator that there was ' a mummy here wanting to register her two children'

We are now in a flurry of activity, getting all the little jobs in the house finished so we don't have a mad panic to do it early next year and doing our book to be given to the children. I also have had the satisfaction of drawing a big line next to my name, across the requests for shifts book, at work from the date when introductions will start.

Our journey has been long but the end is in sight for this part of it. Roll on the next chapter in our book.

Update Feb 2007

We have been formally approved at matching panel for the girls, just counting down the days until they come home


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Morgana


What a lovely story, very moving, had a tear or two in my eye.............so glad that you have found true happiness down the adoption route and I'm sure you are going to be a fantastic Mummy to two little girls, pink, pink and more pink in your house from now on!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,

The bit about being called a mummy at school has made me cry.

Life will never be the same again, you are now a mummy forever.

PBMxxx


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