# Wish I could snap out of this miserable mood



## daisypops (Jan 16, 2013)

Hi girls,
I had my first failed ICSI cycle a couple of weeks ago and was devastated. I kind of managed to pick myself up last week and was feeling positive after our follow up appointment with Consultant. But since the weekend I just havent been able to stop crying. I just feel so damn miserable. We are due to give it one last shot (we can only afford one more go) after our holiday in June, but I dont know how I'm going to wait until then. It seems so far away. I'm not even looking forward to the holiday now - I'd rather just crack on with the next cycle.

I'm worrying about work as well. I work in a very small office and we arent suppose to clash with anyone elses holiday.  So I'm panicing that if my next cycle starts at the end of June that means I'm going to need time off during 'holiday season' when other people are off. My clinic signed me off for two weeks last time so this time to keep my boss sweet (he knows about treatment) I planned to take it as holiday. Obviously theres going to be problems if someone else is already off during that time. Think I'm going to have to speak to my boss about it because I cant get halfway through my treatment only to be told I cant have the time off.

Sorry for the moany post first thing in the morning but I need to vent off to someone!


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## KKH (Feb 1, 2013)

Hi Daisypops, I'm sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment  .  I'm not sure that I can say anything to make you feel better, but I can say you're not alone in how you feel and sometimes we just need to vent!  I'm in a similar situation with our first failed ICSI cycle, BFN 27th Feb.  People think the 2ww is difficult and emotional but it's nothing in comparison to the emotional roller coaster of the last 3 weeks.  I know it must be frustrating to wait until June but it gives you and your body time to recover, giving you the best possible chance for success next time    

Please try not to worry about work, easier said than done I know.  Is your boss understanding? if you told him your concerns would he reassure you?  I did my first cycle without anyone at work knowing (just said hospital appointment)  I have since told my boss (kinda had to as I've either been miserable, crying or off with anxiety) and I feel like a weight has been lifted knowing that I wont have to be so secretive next time round.

I've also been to see an acupuncturist, which I've found really helpful, she's trying to help me relax and feel less anxious and more positive about things - I would really recommend it.

See, I don't have the answers but I am happy to listen.  I hope your day improved.  Where are you going on your holiday in June?


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## daisypops (Jan 16, 2013)

Thanks so much for your kind reply KKH. I dont think anyone has the answers - it'll just take time to get over the hurt of a failed cycle I guess. I didnt have a chance to speak to my boss yesterday but will try today. He is quite understanding so I'm hoping he'll just say go ahead in June and they'll get a temp in if they need to.  Feel a bit better today. I'm in the process of losing weight and trying to get healthier to increase my chances next time round - its making me feel as if I'm doing something rather than just sitting around waiting for June.

Booked a weekend away over Easter - just me and hubby - so thats something to focus on and look forward to. (Going to Tenerife in June by the way).

Thanks again, hope you're doing ok.


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