# Leaving last embryo for wife



## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

Hello

I have tried to conceive our second child for what feels like forever. We already have a daughter. Although I'm technically pregnant at the moment there is a good chance it's chemical so I'm trying to work out what to do next. We have one frostie left ancient one unit of sperm we can use for IUI. My wife is willing to have a FET with my last embryo, but her being pregnant is not ideal for us in any way at all really. I also don't know if I want to give her my embryo. Would I feel resentful if she got pregnant, even though it would be my genetic child? I really want to know what it's like to grow some child and I would feel a terrible loss if ghost was never to happen to me. Am I selfish for wanting this so badly? How do I work out whether I would prefer to exhaust all the options for myself or whether the (much higher) chance of my wife being able to carry my genetic child is more important?


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

Hi ladybird 

Firstly i have fx for u that your current bfp doesn't turn out to be a chemical and that this is all a moot point! 

I know only you will know how u will feel if dw got pregnant - how did u feel the last time she was pregnant? My dp is carrying baby made from my eggs and I can only talk from my experience that it is the most amazing feeling knowing that we have made this baby together and that withou each other the baby wouldn't exist - for us that makes it extra special so I don't think we would do this any other way xxxxx


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## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

Thanks for answering. Last time was different because I didn't think I would struggle this much to get pregnant myself. It was always our plan to carry one child each and she went first because she is older than me. I felt completely involved last time and we created our daughter together even though she does not have my genes. I think I would feel much like you, that she is doing an amazing thing for me, buthe at the same time I am scared that I would feel resentful because she gets to experience what I cannot. I'm sure this would only be a passing thought but even if it just happens once it's surely not OK?  There are also several other practical issues I keep coming back to, which will severely impact our financial situation. She would need to give up work due to her job for the whole pregnancy and I would have to ask for unpaid leave from work after vary is born. Should I let my head rule this decision?


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

Hey Hun you have to go with what u feel if right for u - our way worked for us but is not for everyone. I am not bothered at all that I will not experience pregnancy . My mother says she wishes she had a wife as she would have had all four of us this way! What does your wife do? My wife has a job she can't do while pregnant but she didn't have to give it up - and also there is shared parental leave available now so she could go back to work and you could take shared parental leave? X


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## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

She is self employed, hence shared parental leave does not apply, and a property developer. It would be difficult for her to be pregnant and do all the lifting etc., although there is obviously some jobs she could carry on doing. I'm just so confused right now I don't know what is the best decision.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Hi
Sorry to hear your story. 
Before giving up or using the final embryo, have you considered what may seem a backwards step? Asking for a prescription of clomid and trying home insemination? You don't have to use men off of a website as I know from the Cryos thread and single women that they home deliver.
At this point have you got anything to lose?
Anecdotally I know more women pregnant and babes in arms from HI than IUI. IUI requires GREAT timing where as HI you can inseminate multiple times over the period where you may ovulate, the more inseminations the greater than chance of egg and sperm meeting. 

HTH

PS I totally get wanting to cary your own baby.
Have you ever been given reasons for failures?


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## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

Thanks for your response. I have in some was considered this backward step, but the sperm we buy is so expensive (full profile) that we can't afford to use it for HI. We do however have one unit of sperm left and I think I might go backwards and try an IUI with it. I have never been given any reason for any failures (there is apparently nothing wrong), although planning a follow-up after this to see if there is a need for more testing. But to be honest I am getting tired of this roller coaster, it makes me feel like a different person, and being as we have another womb which we know works perhaps I should just accept I will never be pregnant and be grateful for what I have. Right now though it seems like a massive sacrifice and I'm not sure I am ready.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

ladybird83 said:


> Thanks for your response. I have in some was considered this backward step, but the sperm we buy is so expensive (full profile) that we can't afford to use it for HI. We do however have one unit of sperm left and I think I might go backwards and try an IUI with it. I have never been given any reason for any failures (there is apparently nothing wrong), although planning a follow-up after this to see if there is a need for more testing. But to be honest I am getting tired of this roller coaster, it makes me feel like a different person, and being as we have another womb which we know works perhaps I should just accept I will never be pregnant and be grateful for what I have. Right now though it seems like a massive sacrifice and I'm not sure I am ready.


I understand but can honestly say one big attempt with full release would be £800-1k if you insrminated a number of times and I know of plenty of women who conceived with mot5z 
It's more expense but at least then you may feel you've exhausted all avenues.....


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