# Final try - failure



## Pregglegg (Feb 3, 2014)

A bit of background - I carried our first child (IUI - unmedicated, pregnant first time) and my wife carried our second (IUI - medicated, pregnant first time, ECS, prem baby but slowly catching up). 

We really wanted a third and naively thought it would be as easy as last time getting pregnant, our two boys share the same unknown donor and we had two vials of sperm ready at our clinic. First try in May, unmedicated, after lots of symptoms and some tease spotting BFN. Final try this month, much less hopeful this time round. I had unmedicated IUI with follicle tracking as couldn’t justify the expense of IVF and didn’t want a long wait for the treatment. I’m on Day 13 of tww- I’ve had no symptoms at all other than a little bit of cramping yesterday. Have tested this morning and got a BFN. I’m absolutely devastated as we’ve agreed this is our final try (no more sperm from that donor available and wanted all children to share a donor). Any advice on coming to terms with treatment not working when you know that was your last chance? I never treated my first pregnancy as my only pregnancy as we’d always planned for 3, so I’m grieving that a bit too. 
I know we’re lucky to have the two we have and am hugely grateful for them, but I’ve literally always wanted/expected to have 3. Feel a mixture of emptiness/numbness and cant stop crying.


----------



## Jojonz (Jun 10, 2014)

Hi Pregglegg - that sounds really tough... I am sorry this has been the result for you and as you say, when it's unexpected it's SO hard. Like you, we have two children with same donor and tried for another a couple of months back with a BFN which was unexpected, it really changes things doesn't it. 

I feel for you and just wanted to encourage you to accept whatever it is you are feeling. I don't think there is any right way to process or really understand the grief, especially when it's mixed with feeling lucky to have the children  you DO have, but I hope you and your partner both have the space to talk when you want to talk, cry when you need to, and to accept all the feelings that come up
x


----------



## VanGn (Jul 24, 2019)

Hello Pregglegg, I know this has been awhile but I want to know how you are doing?  I just got my BFN.  But I have one embie left.  This will be my first pregnancy and I'm already 40.  Just want to know if you were able to contact the donor and ask for another try?  Is that possible or allowed?  Also, want to ask how you were able to cope with the loss.


----------

