# New to FF, feeling overwhelmed needing donor eggs



## SKM_2019 (Oct 20, 2019)

Hello everyone, 

I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure 7 years ago when I was 32, meaning I will need donor eggs to become pregnant.

We were meant to be getting married in Spain next month, but due to Coronavirus we have had to reschedule and as we want to start a family the plans have been postponed indefinitely.  

This means we want to get this show on the road and have decided to go private (due to the pandemic), but I am feeling overwhelmed, as even finding a donor agency seems to bring on more complications than I set out with. 

I have had a chat with CRGH who have put me on their donor list, but having spoken to Altrui today, their approach seems a lot more in-depth and personal...but may take more time.

I just wondered if anyone has any recommendations, experiences, or just wants to share similar thoughts/feelings.
I look forward to hearing from you
S
x


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## Mac78 (Jul 11, 2017)

Hi SKM,

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I know how hard it is as I also diagnosed at age of 35. We had been married for less than a year and we were already trying, so it was devastating news for both of us. I still managed to get pregnant naturally twice, after the diagnosis, but mcc both before 8 weeks. We visited many clinics in the UK and left disappointed every time, as we were discouraged straight away on trying with my own egg, one Dr even said if you have enough money to throw away then go for it. 
We considered ED in the UK but the waiting list was't something that I was keen on facing, because I wanted to try as soon as soon as possible. 

Then went abroad, first in Greece, where they were more encouraging to try with my own egg first and because it was cheaper than in the UK we considered giving it a try at leat once then move to ED if didn't work. The problem was that the symptoms of POF really started to kick in and I really lost my balance. At this point, I was so confused and didn't know what to do, so struggle to make any decision and move forward with the treatment in Greece. It took  2 years to find the right HRT therapy that helped to find my balance, by then, we had decided that we should go straight to DE  the only question was where.

I got in touch with the clinic in Greece again but at this time I din't feel that it was the right choice, it seemed that they were overwhelmed with new patients and somehow lost that personal connection that I really liked when first contacted them. After a long research we opted to go abroad because financially it was better for us, plus we didn't have to wait as ED is anonymous in Spain, so they have more donors available. However, the donor identity was never a priority for me. The most important thing was what type of tests were performed on the donor prior treatment, also if it was actually included on the package, and finding someone with similar physical characteristics.

We ended up opting for Alicante in Spain, started in Madrid but finished the treatment in Alicante. The only things I know about my donor; she has the same blood type as mine, similar physical characteristics, 32 years old, and I have a list of all the tests  performed on her prior treatment. To be honest, I am happy with that and I don't really want to know much more than that, in my opinion anything more than would feel like as she would always be part of everything. Don't get me wrong, I am deeply grateful that this beautiful soul donated her eggs, regardless of her real motives, I think that it takes one the kind to do such a thing. I wrote her a letter from my heart thanking her and making sure she could feel how important her act was to me. 

The reason why we went privately straight away is because we couldn't get any treatment from the NHS, not with my own or egg donor. I guess it's a postcode lottery in the end. Once we visited clinics in the UK we quickly realised that our budget would allow us only one try, so that would put a lot of pressure, also, we struggled to find a clinic that we felt that personal connection. In the end, Spain ticked all the boxes for us although DH was a bit apprehensive as he worried about our child waiting to know about the identity of the donor in the future, but we decided to worry about it when we have to cross that bridge.

Our donor gave us 9 eggs and 7 made to blasto, so we were thrilled with the outcome. We transferred one and had a BFP on first the attempted and I am now 11 weeks. I am looking forward for the 12 weeks scan to make sure everything is going well. I am over the moon and there are days when I still can't believe I am pregnant, then I get scared thinking something might go wrong. It takes a lot of mental strength to put the past behind and only focus on the positive. 

I am not sure if my experience would be of any help to you, but if you have any questions I am always here.

Big hugs.


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi there , 

Am sorry.....my situatiion is quite different as single and 43 , not sure if you are looking within the UK or Europe ? but i moved to a clinic this year after IVF failures as they did not have a wait list for ED, started then cancelled with the Cloved 19 shut down of treatments...I am told it can restart asap now that clinics can apply to reopen .  I decided to stay in the UK for a few  reasons and found out about this clinic with no wait list for ED treatment 

not sure if this is relevent but i also find DCN ( donor conception network ) and listening to podcasts / books/ the fertility network / other research  has helped in processing the move to DE and for me the grief and ethics too i guess and coming to terms with it all. 

I was v confused initially and looked at agencies but moving clinics felt like i didnt need an agency.  The Clovid 19 situation has been a nightmare tbh ( for everyone probably ...)  but onwards i hope  - hope this is a bit useful x


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

@snowdropwood - using agencies has its own pluses and minuses. However, if you have already picked up a few IVF clinics, I think it will be faster to proceed only with IVF clinics. Good luck with yr journey x


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## BennyMcS (Aug 28, 2018)

Hi there, hubby and I chose manchester fertility as they have their own egg bank, rather than paying separate egg bank fees. I guess there's potentially less choice, but we found someone who sounded perfect in the first 2 profiles they sent us! 
Their frozen egg 2 cycle package was £10k. They also do fresh cycles, but after ttc for5yrs,  3 own egg cycles, and a miscarriage, plus my age now (41) I wanted a bit more control over timing etc. So went for frozen. 
On my 2ww at the mo from first transfer. 
Ps we do have a 5hr car journey to MF, but easier than flying to Prague, which we did for own egg cycles!


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## Anenome (Oct 18, 2019)

Hi there,

There is a huge amount to unpack here for you and I would recommend taking it step by step so you can get to a place that feels right for you.  Firstly, Altrui are a very reputable agency and there are many advantages in having a donor from the UK, not least that your child has information before 18 and a chance to make contact or know more at 18 years old.  This can be really important for donor conceived people.

I would definitely recommend that you get in touch with the Donor Conception Network who have a helpline and can talk you through all the issues involved in moving on to donor conception and put you in touch with other parents, especially those with POI, who have children using egg donation.

You may also want to look for a clinic on the HFEA search facility which allows you to fine tune to find those clinics with egg donors.  Other clinics with donor eggs include the CARE group, the London Egg Bank, London Women's Clinic, The Bridge, Herts & Essex, Southampton, Lister, Manchester Fertility etc.

Also remember that when you find a clinic in the UK, you will be given free counselling which can be really helpful for you both to come to terms with moving to donor conception.

Waiting lists vary in the UK but they don't have to be ages.  Sometimes waiting can give you the chance for counselling and emotional support so you are in a good place when you have decided where to go?

Just to let you know that I have 13 year old twins conceived using donor embryo in Spain.  I am in the telling camp and my children have suffered from lack of donor information in Spain.  If you do go abroad, there are other countries with ID release donors and who give more information for you child.

Lots to think about, but do reach out to DCN for support.

Best wishes,

A xx


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## bobbinhead (Dec 12, 2012)

Im on both sides of this table. My daughter was conceived using donor sperm but ive also been an egg sharer for 5 woman now and about to do my 6th in september. 

Its all very overwhelming and so much to process and so many ifs and buts. 
The only advise i have is to go with your gut, if something feels off dont move forward till your ready. 
Because of the donor sperm it took us 3 years before we were ready to start treatment as it was such a huge thing for us both but mostly my husband. 
The more you read and learn about it the more opinions of your own you will form and then you will be able to work out which way forward is for you. X


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