# BFN 2 weeks ago but getting harder



## Veitchy (Dec 28, 2006)

Hi Everyone,

I got a BFN from my first ICSI 2 weeks ago, to start off with the pain did seem to get easier but this week I am really beginning to struggle again.  I used to be a really confident person but since my BFN just feel insecure about everything and just want to stay at home with dh, I just want to feel normal again.  Next Friday dh has got his 2nd PESA op to see if we can find some swimmers and go forward with a 2nd cycle and I think that is what is scaring me most if we don't find any I really don't know what we will do.

I am sorry to moan but just feel so alone and scared at the moment.

Tracey XXX


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Tracey hun, i'm so sorry you are feeling like this, it is sooooo scarey not knowing if you will be able to go ahead with tx isn't it. i can understand your feelings of insecurity   the whole tx rollercoaster can leave you feeling so confused and out of control (or was that just me?) i hope that they find plenty of swimmers next week hun

pam xx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Dear Tracey 

Just wanted to say how much I feel for you at the moment 

It's a terribly difficult time immediately after a negative result - nothing can compare in my experience to how devastated it leaves you feeling, you really do want to crawl away and hide as you say. It's still very early days for you and you need time to recover really so just take it one day at a time. I'm sorry that another obstacle/ worry has been placed before you - that's the s---ty thing about IVF, it never ends does it? I hate the way infertility takes something away from our lives and the fact that it's so hard to keep focus on what you do have in life....I sincerely hope your husbands PESA goes well.  

If it's any reassurance I felt I would never feel better after my BFN in February and all I wanted too was just to feel normal again but it does get a bit easier with time and you will feel more yourself again. I went to see the clinic counsellor a few times and that really helped, just to let it all go with a kind and thoughtful other person who wasn't directly involved.

Good luck to you and big


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Tracey,

What you're feeling is perfectly natural but no less tough for that   . IVF is so intense and draining and to be honest I don't think any of us realise just how much it has taken out of us until we reach the end of a cycle and the 2ww.

I felt exactly like you after my first cycle and here I am (after a recent BFN) trying to prepare myself to go through it all again for a 3rd time! I think it's probably a natural reaction to want to lock yourself away from the world after the disappointment of a BFN (I certainly want too!) With time you will start to feel better and hopefully will be able to consider doing another cycle - but for now all you can do is take it easy, spoil yourself and spend some quality time with your DH.  

The fact they managed to get plenty of swimmers the last time is a good sign. Wishing you and your DH every success next week.  Good luck   

CG xxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

wishing you lots of strength to get through this.

xx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hi Tracey

It is really hard.  If it helps at all, I'm thinking of trying the counsellor if I don't start to feel more normal soon - it's hard to see how talking about it can help when all you want to do is hide and not have to think about it any more, but if counselling didn't help people it wouldn't exist!

Lots of love, and thinking of you

Joanna X


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