# everyone is on about number 2 not an option for us



## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hello all

I didn't even realise this board existed and I'm so glad I found it as we are so lucky to have dd 1 but I'm so fed up with everyone talking about ttc and number 2 3 etc. 

Ivf would be our only option and dh says no plus we can't afford it and I really don't know if I wana do it again anyway tbh yet I would love to be pregnant as I never felt healthier lol

My sil has just given birth and I'm not broody for a newborn hell my baby is still a baby yet people ask don't they, r u broody. Will u try again etc etc. Baby groups are always on about having more children and even the birth group on here everyone is ttc or planning too.

I feel so very blessed with dd and feel ttc again would take over so deep down i do count my blessings every single day. I can see the advantages with having one lo but will she miss out from not having a sibling, the only children adults I chat with think not.

I suppose what is the most annoying thing is the questions and the talk of tcc when peoples babies r so little, maybe I'm a little jealous but hey if I could have a night of passion and get pregnant I would probably have a house full yet would I apperiate every little thing no I wouldn't!

Opps sorry it seems I've just waffled on and got stuff off my chest. 

My last little bit

Ladies we might have 1 child but they will never be the only one they are the lucky ones....I hate that word only.


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## Erin (Mar 31, 2005)

Didn't want to read & run.

Just wanted to say you are so right about Lucky and not Only.

Take care, E X


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## Vals (Jan 15, 2011)

I agree I hate the word only! 
I always feel like I'm being judged by people - that I'm too selfish/lazy to have another child.
My ds is nearly 3 and growing up so fast. We would love another one but it has nt happened and not likely to due to my age- nearly 43.
People also say the most ridiculous stuff about ds needing a sibling for when we are not here- like all siblings get on when they are adults. In fact I don't know too many siblings who are 'friends' when they are adults!


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

yes - lucky child not "only child"  !! well said Kara !    How dare anyone refer to my truly amazing miracle icsi baby as an "only child" .    
Yep, it seems everyone gets the "i want baby number two bug" minutes after having "number one" and most bloody cheeky blighters seem to go ahead and do just that ! How dare they !!   
I refer to double buggies as "smug buggies" and pregnant women fall into one of two camps - smug or ungrateful ! (if they appear happy or if they dare to moan about their pregnant plight !) I am aware this is slightly negative thinking, and not entirely "truths" but as a fully subscribed member of the infertility club I am completely in my rights to be judgemental, bitter and twisted, so there !!


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

I can completely relate Kara.  I hate it that everyone seems to have forgotten that it took us four years to have a baby.  Its like the infertility never happened, just because I was extremely lucky and had a baby I unfortunately didn't also get a cure!  Our son is only 17 weeks old, but the 'when will you have another one?' questions started a few weeks ago and now it feels like its all anyone wants to talk about. 
We have not decided whether we want to try for a sibling or not.  Every day I wake up with a different opinion on it.  I wish I could feel satisfied and say definitely no more treatment, but there is a little voice always in the back of my head.


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

I too have that little voice and in reality I think it will always be there but I don't crave the baby yet would love a pregnancy.

I think all too often its forgotten how long it takes us so called infertile to conceive then once we have people some how think we are cured and have start shelling babies like peas 

I can honestly say that I am truely bless with tyler and we are so very lucky to have her and I know that if we were to have more tx and another baby it would change things for her

The other day I saw a good few couples in tescos with a baby in a pram and a teary toddler trawling behind and I turnt to dh and said at least we will never be like that!

My younger brother has 5 children and each one was kind pushed out when the baby came along and my tyler is way to precious for that to happen.

I have to justify myself to myself for not having more as if it were natural I would! 

I always expected 2 or 3 kiddies but 1 isn't always a lonely number as we all know you have be in a room full of poeple and still fEel alone.

1 can be a very lucky number and tyler is number 1.


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## Debbienick (Feb 25, 2011)

Hello,

Have just been reading all your posts and can relate to so much of it. We have our perfect DD who wasnt easy to come by but we got there. Then we got the kick in the teeth of an amazingly quick pregnancy that turned out to be ectopic. Pretty much everyone we know are aware that I had the ectopic and that I lost a tube - they can also work out pretty easily that its been about 1 1/2 year since....so surely its obvious we are having problems. So why keep saying it must be time for another. Surely it doesnt take a genius to work it out? I dont ever snap, just say we should be so lucky or similar - but I do wonder sometimes why people so close to you could be so insensitive? I know it is much easier for most people but still!!

I know we are lucky and extremely blessed. We could probably do without the extra financial burden of a second if i am totally honest so I do try to focus on the positives. Just wish people wouldnt constantly remind us of what we could have if circumstances were different......

You are right - 1 is a lucky number. Our DD certainly couldnt be cherished any more if we tried!


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Debbie big hugs. Why oh why does everyone ask when is number 2 coming! Pisses me off

I have discovered I'm not broody for a baby yet would love a nother pregnancy, I know they come hand in hand yet I have no jealous feelings regarding babies but have just found out a friend is pregnant with number 3 after a couple of months of trying her boys are older and she's with a new parent and omg I was jealous and still am and even on here on the birth thread people are pg, very happy for them but it just seems I can escape the ttc talk when this jsut isn't possible for us. To even afford it would mean be returning to work as I have quit to be a stay at home mum for a few years and if I'm honest I also think if I were to get pg now I woudlnt be able to fully enjoy dd or the pregnancy. See how mixed my feelings are. 

We are so very lucky to have a beautiful, bright and healthy daughter.

So for the moan but this is the only place in the world I can say this


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## Debbienick (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi Kara,

Oh your dd is gorgeous! Congrats that you finally got your little miracle!! Thanks for the support. I can imagine you must have mixed feelings - it is always harder to balance everything (financially, emotionally etc) when you already have one. To go back to work to afford more treatment would mean dragging yourself away from your dd which I am sure you are far from being ready for yet - my dh is trying to push me gently into going back full time so we have more cash but I am reluctant an my dd is 3!

Yeah, I think if people would just lay off asking me I might be able to cope better with the realisation that we might only end up having one child. I suppose though for most people it must just be hard to comprehend not being able to say "I think I will have another one now" as it is that easy for some!


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## tanisha (Feb 14, 2008)

I can so relate to all of this, my son is an absolute miracle after everything weve been through over the past 8 years.  i feel so blessed to have him, but deep down i know i would love to have another one, my consultant has told us natural pregnancy is a NO NO for us and financially ICSI no 6 is also not an option, i would love to be pregnant again and still hope one day i get that miracle, would be easier if everyone stopped asking me about number 2 though!!!!!!!!!!

tanisha


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## snoopydoop (Jan 29, 2010)

What a great thread!!  

I can SO relate to everything on here.  Had a bad day after someone at work saying it was time I had another when they know I had years to trying and 
4 IVF's to get my DD who is 3.  You are so right, she is not only she is lucky, I love that!!  

I also have a great desire to be pregnant again, I loved being pregnant.  I think when it has been so difficult you really appreciate it more.

Thanks to all of you lovely ladies! X


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Its so so good to have people that understand

My recently pregnant friend is just moaning all the time about morning sickness and she wondered why I told her to stop moaning. It is so different when it comes easy isn't it

I do know one thing my dd and us as mum and dad are very lucky to have such a contented little girl.


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## mandark (Apr 6, 2011)

People will mention #2, but just try to brush it off.. they don't mean any harm by it. Some people don't understand the hardships of getting pregnant for couples with fertility problems. But you are so right about your DD being the 'lucky' one not the 'only' one! She will get so much TLC she won't know what to do with herself. While there are benefits to growing up with siblings, there are also benefits to growing up 'lucky'


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

i am reading a really good book at the moment, its called parenting the only child, its about just that whether its been your choice  or  forced upon you for whatever reason, and is helping me to see all the benefits, and how I can compensate for the not so good bits xx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

I saw my gp yesterday about my strange af s and it wasn't my regular one but she has always shown a great interest in ivf yet even she asked if we were gona try again. I started to get the impression that maybe she knows more about treatment than just professional, just reading between the lines but she had that look!!! And when I said no one she said how hard going it was !she sounded like she was speaking from experience and even I find myself asking people when they are gona have another but its more in a hope other people are gona have a lucky child! The itch is back again at the moment yet I also know that even if I had the money I most deffo wouldn't have any tx atm. I'm so happy with my dd so why do these feeling pop in and out of my head!


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## katedoll (Jun 3, 2007)

Just a quick one as I can so sympathise with a lot that has been said.  We are not having any more tx, just ttc naturally which is vvvv unlikely to happen.  Hardly anyone know about our tx, so when people ask about no. 2, which they do alot now our dd is 18 months, I just say no we are sticking with one, she is so gorgeous and it is hard work, and leave it at that.  It is amazing that some people say, oh I wish we just stuck with one, or yes it isn't easy ...... I wasn't sure about this approach at first, but once people have asked they don't ask again and 'word gets round' if you know what I mean, ie oh she has said she is only having one, so other people don't ask.  Then the conversation is dusted, people tick the 'only having one' box for us, and we don't have to talk about it again.  Does that make sense?
Good luck to everyone


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Kara   

Like you i crave to be pg but don't actually want another baby    Lots of people ask when we are going to have another but those that ask are people that don't know about the IVF. I had someone lecture me about how he was an only child and how hard it is when the parents get old and its up to him to take them on, on his own etc.    I felt like saying, maybe your mum had no choice whether she had 1 or 2 or maybe she decided to have just the one   

I love my boy so much and feel so lucky to have him and at times i feel like i'm in a dream but i actually want to move on from IVF and get my life back and look after my little family. We can't afrord more tx and it would be an absolute miracle if it happened naturally. 

I sometimes feel a bit sad when i see him play with other children and know he won't have any siblings to play with, so i'll have to make sure he makes lots of friends. Hes at nursery 2 half days so at least hes getting to play with others there. 

But i think even if i didn't have IVF and had a natural pg i would still feel the same about only having 1.


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Omg thank godness we have found eachother. Deffo bump envy with me and now I can feel my endo return and the monthly hormones which play havok with my system

I'm geTting ask more and more now about number 2 and some people who I met through baby group just assume it by saying so when u having number 2!!and when I say about ivf I then get the it mite happen naturally talk until I tell them I have no tubes

Why can't people just cherished what they have

I have a pregnant friend atm and she is driving me bananas


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## purplejr (May 20, 2009)

Hi all,

Glad to see I'm not alone in feeling broody but not actually wanting another. I never thought we'd have one so I'm very happy. 

I never got the initial when are you starting a family but now constantly get asked if we're going to have another. I try with can't afford it but then you get the oh you never know    .

It's also not really an option with the meds I'm on for PND etc.

Joy xx


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## Smurf2 (Mar 4, 2011)

I have noticed, and felt more aware recently, that when you have a baby they are happily termed your 'first child'....then once your peers have gone on to have more children...and sadly at the moment we have not gone on to have any more, there is suddenly reference to them being an only child.
God, it's strange isn't it, how in their first year or so of life, there is no pressure/no comparison, and now it's the blooming opposite!


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## Jumanji (Feb 13, 2008)

Sorry to barge in on your thread but I just wanted to say that I think people can be very rude when they ask about number 2 or assume there will be a number 2.  I have several friends who did not suffer from IF but decided to stick to one for various good reasons, e.g. financial (they were keen to send their son to private school which would have been difficult with a second) and severe PND (they decided it was not good for their family to risk the possibility of this again).  These families have had to endure intrusive questions and "well-meaning" jokes and hints which are, to my mind, quite impolite.  Why is it acceptable to ask such personal questions about number 2 when it isn't for other numbers?  Nobody would dream of quizzing a family with 2 children on when they will try for number 3 or asking a family with 4 children and a small flat what on earth they were thinking when they popped out number 5!  Yet people with one child seem to be "fair game".  It is very unfair.    

I was lucky enough to conceive naturally and easily but we too are considering stopping at one. From my own observations of friends' children, those without siblings tend, in my view, to be better mannered and disciplined and, to be honest, more secure. My friend's son is a total delight to have around, whereas other friends' broods of two or three generate chaos!  Also, a couple of my best friends growing up had no siblings and, in all honesty, I envied them like mad!  I think there are a lot of benefits to just having one.  I know you might legitimately feel this is easy for me to say having not been through IF but I honestly think it is true.  And your babies will be even luckier than most because they will never be taken for granted!


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

little jenny, I think you are right, it is rude ! I was asked during pregnancy - when would you go for a number two ? in the maternity hospital day after birth - when would you have another and so on from then ! I told people about the IF issue, didn't tell people as I went through two more unsuccessful rounds of ICSI for "number two" being self protective, which worked I think, 
The question is rare for me now, but what is annoying now is that a particular friend always looks at my daughters clothes, and toys and says "I'll have that when you finished with it !" for her number two !! and I alwyas find that really difficult because I know she doesn't ask the mums who are planning more children, but she underlines the fact that I don't need to store clothes and toys away for that next time


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

I've not even given birth yet and am being asked about number 2!! even the midwife who knows about our IF asked me yesterday if we'll have another, i just said, "not at that price, no". i mean fgs 6 years it's taken us to get this far (and he's not even here yet!!) and we can't afford more treatment so something tells me our boy will not have siblings. i know what you mean about people calling them your 'first baby', complete strangers think it's fine to ask if its your first and whether you'll have more.     then when you say no they quiz you on it. aaargh!!


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Maybe together we should come up with a saying to shut people up!

My girl is 1 tomorrow and I'm sure the questions will keep coming

Kinda lucky that my hv has by choice one child and tells me all the advantages and there are a lot. So girls maybe we should start asking people with 2 when the heck they are gona stop having babies lol , or say things like omg your not pregnant again lol


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## megan67 (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi! Excellent thread! It is so frustrating to be asked when are you having no2. Even the jokes about dont throw that out, you will need it for no 2 used to drive me mad. I nevrr worried toi much about us just having 1 child, kind of accepted that with ivf and the cists then thst eas how it would be. I am an only child and its only in past 6 months its caused me concerns, to the point I feel so very sad that dd is on her own when we are gone with very little extended family to speak of. Think this is a particular concern because we are older parents. 
I have bump envy now but didnt even a year ago. There is a woman locally in a tiny semi with 5 kids under 7, she is pregnant AGAIN and i think fgs! I struggled to have one and she has a production line going..... I dont envy her the workload, have no idea how she gets anything done.....so how the heck does she find time to make yet another baby?!!!!!!


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

My bump envy moment of today

Couple I met when our lo were having there jabs, yep a while ago now. Well bumped into them today and her lo is a year old next week and she is 20weeks pregnant! She of course asked if we were ttc so I told her if wasn't an option for us and she went on to say she has friends who have had ivf and its very successful so I explained that 7 ivfs was hard going and would rather not have to return to work and enjoy tyler and also  put 5k away for tyler than flush it down the loo on a low risk chance and you know what I can honestly say this time I actually meant it lol


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

good for u Kara, saying it straight like that, and meaning it - good work xx
saw a friend today with one the same age as mine (3) a 2 year old, and preg with another, she looked knackered, her kids were running amok, covered in snot, getting into mischeif she was trying really hard but it was a bit chaotic, at times her 2 yr old was crying and wanted mummy, but she couldn't give her attention, because of watching out for the other one and trying to get lunch sorted, we went off for a little potter round town, and all she could do was get them home, anything more would have been too tricky.
A while ago I would have been so envious of her and her spermy husband, but today I honestly did NOT ! that was a real milestone for me, for me one is far more civilised (need to keep thinking that now !) xx


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## purplejr (May 20, 2009)

I totally agree with that. I can't imagine having to cope with with 2 or 3 and am loving being able to devote all my time to Megan

Joy xx

Would still love to be pg again though


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## Jumanji (Feb 13, 2008)

Kara - good for you for speaking up!!  And meaning it!

I have got the stage of saying that it is a family tradition that males in our family are single children so I have to keep it up, especially as my sister broke it by having twins!  I say it very seriously so that people never know if I am joking or not but just look a bit puzzled and generally move on cos they think I am a bit bonkers!  Anyway - it is sort of true; my father is an single child as were both my grandfathers!

More and more, as I said in my last post, I cannot believe the rudeness of some people.  I mean, Kara being asking if she is ttc!!??  If you think it is likely that a couple is not trying to conceive you don't ask if they are using contraception do you No - because some things are private!!!


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## kitykat (Sep 21, 2006)

Thank you for this thread..... I found the "is it your first?" question so upsetting when I was pregnant as I was so thrilled to be pregnant at all and the question just made me feel rubbish. I could never think what would be an appropriate alternative. There have been four annoncements this week amongst my friends and I'm so cross with myself for feeling so green about it all. DD is a miracle, so why so I feel so sad about this?we are trying for no2 but ARGC won't let me cycle as FSH too high so thinking we may nver get another chance.


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

kitykat said:


> I found the "is it your first?" question so upsetting when I was pregnant as I was so thrilled to be pregnant at all and the question just made me feel rubbish.


me too! people keep asking me if this is our first and i half want to say it's our only actually, we can't all have more than one and you have no idea what we have been through to get this one. but then i think its none of their business so i just say yes and feel a bit upset 

i know i'm oversenstive but


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

is she your "first ! "  grrrrrrrr    !!!!!


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

We should say "no she's my 10th and don't I look good on it"


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Kity sorry to hear agrc won't let u cycle

I always say first and last and even dh got asked yesterday as he is in a new job so getting to know people and the lady accountant asked if we would have more and his reply was if they could say it would work first go we would pay our 5k and get a baby but if it didn't work we would have to keep on and that would retract from our dd! Which is so true.

I just know that slowly people around me will get pregnant again and again and I do feel jealous no doubt about that!


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## Hobbs (May 8, 2004)

I want another baby

There i've said it and it feels better for being out.  Its never going to happen and i accept that on the surface but its tough going and deep inside i keep hoping we will win the lottery and can have another (daydream commence!!!) 

I have 2 wonderful DD's one is 22 and the other is 20 months so  i have had 2 "only" children lol, people also ask us if we are going to have another, they seem to forget that i have an older DD so already have 2, its very frustating.

I know its greedy to want another one but i cant help the green eyed monster coming in (difficult when your a midwife!!)when i see pregnant women and new borns.  I wonder if the feeling will ever subside?  We are in the very initial stages of trying to make our family grow through fostering.  It is giving me somthing ot focus on rather than having bump envy (Antenatal clinic days are looooong days!)

Thanks ofr listening 

Love a very broody Hobbs x


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

it is really hard when the bumps start popping out everywhere, and my little one is so interested in all the little siblings, and asks if we can take them home. Thats really tough. knowing it aint never going to happen now, after several failed icsi's since having my 3 yr old,  sort of means my head has closure but its like my body still makes me pang for another and hasn't got the gist that that lark is now well and truly : ~( 
I really dont envy others now when I hear they are pregnant, and I noticed I didnt think envious thougts any more after I turned 40 6 months ago, but I still feel sad that it didn't happen, and I guess I probably always will ? ?    and if i am honest bloody resentful that DP has no decent swimmers - how very inconvieniant.


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Well I have found myself swinging between really wanted more tx then not. I have actually been honest with my husband and I do think if we don't give tx another go I will always regret it yet I do think that if we had one more try and it failed I would have to draw a line and could probably more on knowing we have tried! Yet last night I was sure I wanted more tx until I woke up to feed dd and felt no I didn't lol....isn't it sad that so much thought, money and guilt is going into even deciding whether to try or not when if it were natural you would go to bed, have your fun and bingo!

Another thing is can I really love a second child as much as tyler? Cause I love her so so so much! I am a very mixed bag of emotions over it


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## reality (Nov 13, 2006)

Wow! what a great thread...... I have read all of your comments and I would like to say that I absolutely love the fact that there is a place that we can be honest about subjects like this.....

I already feel like I have won the lottery, my little girl is my world..... 

Never in a million years did I think that we would get that elusive BFP and despite the fact that she is 2yrs and 4months old, I still cannot believe that she is mine (and DH's of course    ) and that I am not just looking after her for someone    ..... 

Do I want another baby? honestly? I am really not sure....... despite the fact that it is highly unlikely to happen naturally, and despite the fact that DH and I have thoroughly discussed and agreed that we won't have any further tx... and never having used any contraception, I do still get that stab of disappointment when AF arrives each month, and the flutterings of "what if" excitement if AF is a few days late..... I just really don't know   

DH and I have decided - jointly - that, if by the time I am 40. we haven't conceived naturally, then he will have a vasectomy... that way, we will know catagorically that we will not be having any more children......

If I had a magic wand, I think that I would love to have another daughter so that my little girl can experience the bond that Sisters share (not suggesting that Brother and Sister, or indeed 2 Brothers, share any less of a bond    It's just that I have a Sister and we are very very close, which is my "yardstick" to measure things by)...... but deep down in my heart of hearts, I know that it is very very unlikely... never forgetting that I am so blessed to have hit the jackpot already........ it is such a personal thing isn't it? and I do sometimes find the natural assumption that you will have more children quite intrusive..... I now answer all questions with my "stock" reply of "well, we'll wait and see, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't...and to be honest,  I am so happy to have Grace that I really don't mind one way or the other"

I hope that I haven't offended anyone with my post, it is just my personal opinion, about my personal situation - I am not judging anyone   

Thank you for the opportunity to put my feelings into words - god I love this Forum   

Best wishes to everyone - Reality xx xx xx xx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

I love your post, that's really from the heart. Like you we feel we have hit jackpot and my main fear about more tx is it would take me away from tyler and she is such a special girl and could I love another child as much!

I'm very mixed at the moment and don't know what we will do.


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

I find I am changing my mind daily.  Last week we decided we will try and have one cycle of IVF at the start of next year, if it doesn't work we will draw a line under it.  This week our son has cut his first tooth and has been up all night every night and I am thinking can I really go through all this again!?
I feel so lucky to have a baby that sometimes I feel reluctant to complicate things by spending emotional energy and lots of money on more TX when it will mean life will get harder and William will have less of our time.  But then I cannot stop thinking what if? One of my close friends is due around William's first birthday so I'm having to watch her going through her pregnancy milestones at the same time as I did last year.  Its made me feel quite jealous, which is crazy as I already have my miracle here in my arms.


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## Dancingtiptoe1 (Nov 13, 2010)

Hi all, 

I've just found this thread and whilst it's been quiet on here for a few weeks i wanted to post in case anyone was still reading it. 

I feel relieved to have found others in the same situation as me. My little boy is 2 years 3 months now and is the centre of our universe. We were incredibly lucky to fall pregnant the first round of ICSI we had. Since then, we've tried ICSI twice in the last 6 months, all for the reason of wanting a 'sibling' for our boy. After all the expense and emotional turmoil, we're coming to terms with the fact that we will only ever have one child and as time heals it feels more and more right. 

If i'm honest, whilst i've spent the last 6 months in and out of the IVF clinic and pumped full of hormones i've missed the last 6 months of my little boy growing up. My energy has been spent elsewhere and all for nothing. I've missed the precious time with him and i can't retreive those days where he was growing up and all i was bothered about was my injections. 

I think a lot of the desire to have another child comes from what society expects us to do, and i'm getting my head round that having another child should be about what me and my DH want to do. And if i'm honest, the thought of breast-feeding and being up in the night again fills me with dread. 

I agree with a lot of the other girls, i don't want another baby as such, i want to be able to get pregnant - maybe to prove that i can to myself and others. It's stupid when i think about it rationally. I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone. What i'm realising day by day is that the only thing that matters is my little boy and DH. Someone said to me the other day that if we asked my boy what he wanted from mummy and daddy he wouldn't ask for a brother or sister, he would ask for our time and attention and that is what i am going to concentrate on. 

Sorry for rambling but just wanted to express my thoughts and experience in case it helps anyone. 

Love DTT xx

PS a lot of my NCT friends and close friends are now on baby no 2 and whilst seeing them pregnant was hard, it has got easier - i've read some of you are finding this tough but it does get easier  - particularly when you see your the 2nd time mums looking knackered and bedraggled when no 2 has arrived


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## Livertypickle (Aug 14, 2009)

I know this thread has gone a bit quiet but was just looking through it and relating to so many of the comments.  Dancingtiptoe, I completely agree about 'losing time' - I have lost nearly 3 years with my beautiful little girl and I'm not losing any more.  My DH and I are now heading for adoption and I just wondered whether anyone else had considered this route?
Livertypickle x


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

we know this will be our one and only, we would not be approved for adoption (we looked into it after our first failed cycle) and don't have another £7k available for a shot in the dark ICSI cycle (we had poor odds and were very very lucky this time). 

i'm different from a lot of you in that i do want another, i would have a houseful if i could    however we know we have been incredibly lucky to get pg at all and i am eternally grateful for our little miracle   

i just wish other people would keep their sticky beaks out sometimes! people think it's ok to ask such personal questions when it comes to infertility and babies etc.


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## tanisha (Feb 14, 2008)

kandykane, i agree i would love another, but it will be impossible we know, i get very upset about the whole thing, cant believe i will never go through another pregnancy again.  for us the issue is funding and my weight.  i can lose the weight but the funding would be impossible after already going through 5icsis.


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

We are toying with the idea of another ivf, just one more but omg weighing up the pros and cons well tbh there are more pros against it!!! I just can't say for sure if we should go for it or not , I have days when I deffo want to try and then I get freaked and I deffo don't want too yet I do still get jealous of pregnancy. 
I have a few so called friends atm that are on number 2 though tx and its funny how all they ever talkn about now is tx and pregnancy where before it was baby talk and you know what I don't wana be like that, I cherish my little girl and I'm sure they also cherish their babies but isn't it funny how things seems to take a shift!

I have spoken to my embryolist as we are now friends and he says to get best success is to go before 37 and sooner the better due to my amh and last response. I scared to do it and I'm scared to not do it and then regret it. But I will tell u one thing if we do and at the moment its a massive if, I will not let any of it take anything away from my beautiful baby girl , she is so special and I can't even put into words the happiness she has brought into our lives. 

So is it really worth trying for a sibling, only time will tell


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

kara76 said:


> I scared to do it and I'm scared to not do it and then regret it.


Couldn't have put it better myself, I feel exactly the same


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Its such a tricky one and I am still bf and is no rush to stop so couldn't cycle anyway yet I know the time will come and we will have to decide one way or another! Its just so sad that it isn't as simply as saying on I want another baby and bingo there one is. So much more thought goes into it when treatment is involved


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## nandp (Sep 15, 2005)

Hello,  


I am so happy to have found this thread on here.  Our little girl will be 2 in a few months and like everyone else on this thread I know how lucky we are that ICSI worked for us first time and that is something that I appreciate every day. 

Like you all I also get sick of people asking us when we are going to have another baby.  It doesn’t bother me when it is people that don’t know our situation but when it is people that do then I find it really hurtful.  My sis in law is pregnant with her 7th child with an absent father and this is deemed by the family as being “okay” whereas us with our jobs and our house and our one baby are, perceived by family as being “a bit strange” if you see what I mean. Its like they feel sorry for us as we only have one baby. It really hurt me when my MIL asked us, after telling us about the SIL’s latest pregnancy if we were going to try again – excuse me .. a quick fumble upstairs with the hubby is not going to make a baby and you know that -  Rant Over!! 

I agree with a lot of the other girls, “i don't know If I want another baby as such, i want to be able to get pregnant - maybe to prove that i can to myself and others”
This statement is so true of our situation. I still feel resentful that we cant conceive naturally and if we do have another cycle of ICSI fresh or frozen will mean thinking about implications regarding finance, work, childcare, size of house etc which is something that our Sis in Law doesn’t even think about and I think that is what riles me.  I feel like family think "poor them they cant have any children" and now think "poor them they cant have any more children" 

This is a really sore point with me - can you tell   

Look forward to chatting with you all some more, thanks for a great thread, sorry for moaning xxx


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

congrats on your little girl   

7th child!! omg!!!! that would wind me right up    i agree about being resentful of people who can conceive without trying. my sister conceived her 2nd child 'by accident' at exectly the same time we had a chem preg, which was the closest we had ever come to a baby at that point. i couldn't even see my niece for a few weeks, it was so painful, i felt like my sister had pinched my luck, which is ridiculous and i love her and my nieces dearly but it has been hard.
even though we have finally been lucky i still find it hard to be happy for people who just 'get pregnant' silly really   

i also find the questions less difficult from people who don't know our situation, but those who do i feel should know better really. all through this IF journey i've been amazed at how crashingly insensitive people can be   

kandy xx


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## nandp (Sep 15, 2005)

Dear Kandy

Congrats on your pregnancy bet you cant wait.  Yip 7th child it does wind me right up!!    Hope you are keeping well, Nicola xx


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

nandp, 7th baby ?? yep, that is irritating !!  why is it that people who can have a half hearted shag at the end of the day, and hey, baby on the way feel so blooming chuffed with themselves !! I mean, what a cheek !!


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

and .... a "mate" who is well aware of our ICSI nightmares once said - oooh my husband was so pleased when he discovered he got me pregnant, was yours ? ? ? !!!! (yes, he's well chuffed hes got no sperm !!)


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## nandp (Sep 15, 2005)

Hi Janine your first post made me laugh, its so nice to be able to vent about this on here without judgement and without sounding bitter which is sometimes how I feel I must come across.  I see that you have a wee girl as well - they are hard work arent they well mine is - a total menace  

Got to go down to the in-laws towards the end of the year when the baby is due so not looking forward to that one in fact safe to say dreading it already.  Listening to  how fantastic a mother she is and how its such hard work for her with all these kiddies (her youngest is not even one yet) blah blah xx  Its like a mix between sadness and anger that I have no control over.

Anyway hope you are all well anyone got any exciting plans for the weekend..

Nicxx


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## janinec (Nov 19, 2006)

glad that tickled u nandp !! xx  bitter, me ? oh yes !!!  very bitter and twisted, and not a bit of guilt about that either !! but incredibly grateful for my little girl, who will be 4 this sept. 
yes, she is quite a character, rather bossy and wilful, but II'm glad she isnt shy like I spent so many years being, so I hoping she doesn't lose her ample social confidence.
no, I can see why you wouldn't relish the idea of hearing how wonderful and hardworking miss 7 nippers is !!
My step brother and his partner dont have a penny to their names, really struggle, fight all the time, and have baby number 3 on the way all (the oldest is just 3 !!) grr    I dont relish spending time with them lamenting how hard it is ..... and I think to myself learn the concept of parsimony - do less, and do it well ?. ? ? 




Waiting for the heatwave here ......


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

Well I bagged up all William's newborn, 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes tonight ready to give away to my cousin who is due in two weeks.  I didn't feel sad, felt strangely good about clearing it all out.  Maybe I am moving towards accepting no more babies?


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## JG14 (Jul 4, 2011)

Hi everyone!  I'm totally new to this forum! I came in search of people who feel the same and this thread could be the one!!

My story is, we had IVF in 2007 - lucky enough, it worked first time and it was twins.  However, had an awful pregnancy, that resulted in pre eclampsia, babies delivered early (28 +5), we lost our little girl   and our little boy spent 3 months in hospital.

DS is now a wonderful and happy 3 1/2 year old and we were about to do FET with our 1 and only snowbaby - but sadly just been told it didn't survive the defrost, so its come to an abrupt end!

Because of everything we went through - on one hand, we are very, very happy to have DS and he truely is our special miracle.  But I am also quite upset as we always knew we'd got our little snow baby and I really hoped it would work.

So now its trying to accept that I won't have another baby - as we always agreed we wouldn't go through IVF again.  On one hand I'm relieved that we can close the door on the whole thing, but there's a part of me that really longs for another child - and to have a "normal pregnancy" as I feel like  didn't have this last time!

I get so frustrated that some women can get pregnant at the drop of a hat - and yet some of us who really want children - can't!

Its sad that there are so many of us in ths situation - but hopefully we can gain support from each other!

JG


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Jg so sorry to hear about your little girl and your latest bad news

Joey I haven't held on to much and all clothes has gone

Afm atm I don't want another baby and told dh this the other night when the subject popped up, my sil did say when she gets pg with number 2 that will make me broody! Well thanks for that lovely comment lol

I can't get round the wasting all that money on a what if when we have our dream and everyone who does more tx seems obessessed again! I don't wana get into that mindset but there is always that but! I still can't say never , its too final!


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## nandp (Sep 15, 2005)

Kandy,

Huge Congrats on your little boy xxxxxxx

Nic


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

I and I say I cause I'm pretty sure dh doesn't want to so would have to push him into it which isn't good...consider treatment

Mil upset me a little and its playing on my mind she told me that I would get very jealous when sil gets pregnant again! She has a 5month old and got pg very easy and it really makes me cross that its all taken for granted that she will have another baby! I do dread the day it happens which will be around june next year yep that's how matter of fact she is about it. 

I'm really scared of deciding too or not too have more tx. Dh won't discuss it atm and it is playing on my mind

I'm enjoying dd so very much yet I'm starting to wonder how she will feel knowing we didn't even try for a sibling. I just don't know what to do


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

I thought I was beginning to come round to the idea of stopping at one and moving on from the fertility battle but today I've had a setback.  Our neighbours have moved out in a hurry and they came around tonight to tell us they were off and the reason why - they're expecting another baby and their dream bigger house came up.  I felt like I had been punched in the throat.  We live on a new-build estate and for everyone else the old 'new house, new baby' saying has come true. Its been really hard seeing literally all my neighbours happily popping out their babies whilst I hid inside the house all angry and jealous and bitter.  I thought I had left that behind when I had my own baby, but obviously not.  Not sure how I will deal with it now they are obviously all going to start popping out their second babies.  Is it ridiculous to get caught up in feeling sad and inadequate again when I am lucky enough to have a beautiful, healthy son   ?


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## cymbeline (May 3, 2011)

Dear Joeyrella,
                        PLease don't feel bad about your feelings - we are only human and the urge to have a child  - even second time round is so so strong - you just can't help those feelings. I feel jealous and bitter while friends are having  mistake no 3s and last year I walked out of a christening after the church and never made it to the christening reception as I saw so many bumps and babies I couldn't handle it.So ridiculous and so embarrassing - I had to pretend my little boy was ill. The only person you end up hurting is yourself, but I think you should ressure yourself that it is normal and doesn't mean you are a horrid person.  - this is me with green eyes!

I do sympathise cos you begin to hate yourself for not feeling happy for your friends. 

Thinking of you xx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Big hugs. I'm like that and every time it hits me like a ton of bricks and I wana cycle just one more time then I get scared and don't want too.

I think the hurt of infertility will always be with us as our choices have been taken from us and it sucks


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Kara!   

Well after posting that we do not want anymore and were quite happy with 1 and no money for 2 blah blah blah i have found out i'm 7 weeks pg    we used donor sperm with DS so having a natural is a total shock!!        I wasn't quite as pleased as some people would be cos i really didn't want anymore, but i've come around to the idea now and am trying to remove the 2 under 2 bit and blocking out the night feeds again     but if its meant to be then fine. Its a risky pregnancy cos of DHs sperm and my dodgy eggs, but we've had a scan and theres a heartbeat. so all good for now.


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## Jumanji (Feb 13, 2008)

Mighty Mini - I do hope all is ok.  Obviously this is wonderful news (always fab to hear a success story when the docs have been negative) but I sense from your post that it is also quite a shock!  Take care and congratulations!


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Yeah still in shock


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Mini congratulations must have been a shock. 

Can't get away from surprise natural conceptions anywhere lol.


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## rachel1972 (Jan 2, 2007)

Kara well said.  

I am 39 and dont wont to go thru ivf again but would if hubby was at all interested.  I really loved being pg too and my son is talking about is brother all the time!!

just been to the smurfs film today and i made me cry as there was a scan photo and i would love to be scanning again, i am only 2 months since last tx so its early days

I couldnt cope with frosties not being given a chance so really dont want ivf again and couldnt do doner sperm not that its an option for dh.

i just need to share.


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