# Should we try "one last time"?



## soitis1 (Feb 23, 2017)

Hi There

I don't know if anyone will respond but thought I'd reach out for some help and this is the only place that would understand.  I have a long TTC journey but to summarize at the end of ten years of treatments and heartache we finally had our little boy on our first fet of our final round of ivf.  This was three years ago and I have alot of embryos frozen  We tried again for a sibling and have transferred four more embryos but unfortunately the first one ended in an ectopic and the next two fet's resulted in a BFN OTD.  Each time has been the "final time" but here I am again considering another final cycle of FET.  Please don't misunderstand.  I know how incredibly fortunate we are to have an amazing little boy after going for so many years with no hope but I have embryos left and I can't bear to think we are potentially missing out on having a second child.  If we had given up before we wouldn't have had our son and this is always at the forefront of my mind.  Now I am 39.  I will be 40 this year.  I know I am getting too old to keep on trying.  We have gone through so many procedures and wishes and hope and heartache this last 13 years that I feel we both deserve to just live and enjoy our son BUT it is hanging over me.  It is constant and consuming.  I wondered what you would do if you had this option of more transfers at this stage in life and just after three unsuccessful FET'S?  

L x


----------



## Lola2021 (Dec 25, 2020)

Hi there,
So sorry to hear of all that you have been through. Personally I would go on as long as I could continue with the finances, and physical/mental side of things. Its all so draining and everyone will have their own “last time”. If u feel like u can go again I would. 

Have no regrets x


----------



## soitis1 (Feb 23, 2017)

Thank you so much for replying Lola - I really didn't expect anyone to respond but i feel so emotional about it all I just though i should try to reach out - i really feel in my gut we can do it but it's so scary to keep going and going and going.  FET is more much reachable financially than a full round of IVF so it is always there tempting me to continue.  My husband says it's me that has to go through it and he will support me with whatever I want to do.  I think just asking the question today has given me the answer in itself if that makes any sense.  I just need to believe in myself and our embryos.  xx


----------



## Lola2021 (Dec 25, 2020)

Wishing you the best of luck in whatever you decide ❤


----------



## soitis1 (Feb 23, 2017)

Thanks Lola - and Congratulations on your BFP - wishing you a happy and healthy next few months to enjoy - there honestly is no better feeling xx


----------



## Lola2021 (Dec 25, 2020)

Aw thank you 😘
Very early days yet so not getting too excited. But fingers crossed everything goes well 🙏🏼


----------



## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

I’m pregnant at 38 with a FET. A lot of my friends are pregnant with number two at 39/40. I don’t think it’s that old. Losses and BFN’s are so tough and I’ve had four failed fresh IVFs but if you’ve got frozen embryos and the money then maybe go for it? Xx


----------



## Herts85 (Oct 10, 2014)

I completely sympathise with everything you have written. I have two children (toddler and 6m old) from the same freeze all cycle and still have six embryos in the freezer. Even though I'm thrilled with two children I think about those embryos all the time and feel a sense of duty towards them. It's a tough head-v-heart decision but if you can manage it financially, emotionally and physically then it seems better to try then to have regrets that you didn't.

Good luck! X


----------



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I would want to use the frozen embryos to.  It’s cheaper and gentler on you and I think as long as they are there, you will always thinking about them.  We couldn’t afford another fresh cycle of IVF after our son, but fortunately my Dad offered to pay for our cycle.  My biggest fear was getting frozen embryos, as I knew I wouldn’t want to leave them.  We only got 2 embryos and it was a relief, as I knew the door would be closed after the cycle.

It sounds like your husband is on board to, so I would say to go for it or you may always be thinking of what they could or couldn’t have been.

X


----------



## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

your age is perfect to have another baby. However, make the decision you will feel comfortable with in the future. A woman can start a new business at any age, unfortunately it does not work if we mean ttc-ing. x


----------



## wilberdoo (Feb 27, 2012)

I really sympathise! I have just had a FET with my one and only frostie. I know logically it’s only a cluster of cells but it feels very much a part of me and I couldn’t donate or bin it, I really wanted to give it a go. I feel so much happier now and as if what will be will be. ‘He’ feels in the right place (no idea why, he feels male!)
I really want to give my son a sibling or if not, say I tried. This is our last go as I don’t want to do another full IVF round (too expensive) and I only had one embie from our last cycle. I am also 41 and although many people are happy to carry on (and good on them) personally I feel too old to keep going much longer!


----------



## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do, but from what you've said it sounds as if this is still very much in your heart.

No way is 39 too old. I wish I were 39!  Unfortunately I got married late in life, and I am nearly 10 years older than you, and I would 100% be doing more if I could.  My only option now is DE and I have to consider very carefully whether I really want that. In fact I've been debating it for around 2 years and not found a resolution.  

But really nobody can decide this for you.  Perhaps you could make a list of the consequences of trying again and not trying again and see where that takes you.  It might help to clarify matters in your mind. 

I wish you all the very best whatever your decision.


----------



## soitis1 (Feb 23, 2017)

Thank you all so much for your responses (I didn't give any notification so hadn't realised there had been more since I last responded).

Well we have decided to try again - we had a review with our consultant and we've decided as we have so many frozen the best solution would be to defrost 4-5 in the hope of getting 2 of the very best quality for transfer.  I feel better having a plan again.  I always feel such a relief in my head and my heart when we decide to try again.  I know we are in such a fortunate fortunate position to have so many embryos still and just feel that it will truly happen for us again so on we go on our fertility journey.  Our clinic is still catching up with Covid delays etc so we're probably looking at May/June cycle but hopefully it will not be long coming in.

Thanks again - there really is no one like this community for helping struggling minds!


----------



## Lovelypup (Oct 7, 2013)

I think you should! There is potential there! I am in a similar position. I have a son who was a fresh transfer 6 years ago. We had 5 in the freezer. We transferred 1 - failed. Then my miracle daughter came along. Then we transferred another - didn't thaw so the next one was thawed - didn't work. We now have 2 left but they are a poor grade 2cs I think. I am 38. My mum had her menopause at 39 so I am very conscious my window might be closing. Maybe you have already done it? How did it go if so?


----------



## Lovelypup (Oct 7, 2013)

Hello just read your update yesterday. Glad you decided to go for it. I am phoning in with my May period so we may be having our transfers around the same time. BEST OF LUCK 🍀


----------



## soitis1 (Feb 23, 2017)

Yes hopefully we'll be cycling together lovelypup.  Excited to get started again now we've made our decision!  Good luck on your cycle -are you planning on thawing and transferring both of your remaining embryos?


----------

