# Friends all having their second



## Roadlesstravelled (Apr 3, 2010)

Guess I am wanting some advice really, I have an amazing 2 year old yet I just find it really hard to accept that I will not have another child. I thought having a child would takeaway the awful yearning and heart wrenching need to have a child but it hasn't and I hate it. All my NCT friends are on there second and I am surrounded by it all the time. I have to try and keep in the jealousy and sadness. I feel so sad for my little girl too! I am a single mum and hate the fact she only has me in the world and wish I could give her a sibling. I also feel so sad I am not just enjoying my lo. I want these awful feelings to go away but I can't help feeling so desperate for another baby. How do I come to terms with this and how do I be around all my friends having their second child? Xx


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## ELKA82 (May 24, 2012)

Hiya. AfraiD no advice, but in the same boat. When i had my wee girl, i met few local mums, 8 whose kids r the same age. Since january 4 of them had second baby and 2 due in next four weeks. Their announsments were the worst. I just couldnt stop crying. But it got easier, because first thing i noticed that my girl was absolutly not intrested in babies and still is. And second, i can see how they struggling, being pregnant with toddler and having baby and need to entartain toddler, so remembering how tired i was in pregnancy and how much energy my girl got, it became clearer what i want. We decided to wait till when she is in pre-school nursery and how she is with babies, also she is so jealous when i hold one, and decide then. Its much easier when some kind of plan in place. 
Big hugs.


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I find that the envy is worst when they are pregnant & that once they've had their baby it's ok - the shoe is even on the other foot! 

I used to look at people with two or three little kids with envy, but I have come to realise it's their ability to conceive effortlessly that I envy & that it's a choice for them how many children they have, rather than that I actually want to be run ragged & have a neglected toddler. 

Recently I ran into a lady I hadn't seen for a while with 9 months between her 2 children, & I was really surprised when she said her situation was quite isolating. I managed to not say try being an infertile woman whose friends are all popping them out left right and centre for isolating, but I can see what she meant and there are definite positives to having just one. 

I don't think you can enjoy it the same when you're running round after 2, & whilst the difference between being a mother and not is obviously life transforming, I certainly don't think the relationship between number of children and happiness is linear. 

B xxx


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## Roadlesstravelled (Apr 3, 2010)

Thanks ladies for your replies!

Elka my lo is also not interested in babies and appears happy with just me yet I am a twin and also gave a big sister and although we were horrible to each other growing up and didn't play well together for me it's about having family to rely on in later life! As a single mum my Lo only has mybsidecof the family who life about 100miles away 

Hi bomsh3ll my twin has 2 one 7 year old and a 3 year old girl and a boy and it doesn't look fun at all and my close friends 2 girls fight like crazy and when i see the difficulties it does make me think about how much easier it is especially on my own just having my dd but boy it doesn't help with the longing for a second or the way I feel when I see heavily pregnant women 

Mylittlepink no I have no frosties and it's not an option to have more tx. I have no savings left for tx and only just cope financially now, I also have a small little house so no room at the inn. If I met someone and they wanted to have one then I would do it but don't feel it's an option on my own

Thanks for your replies ladies sometimes it's just about knowing there's others out there who understand xxx


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