# New to all of this....North East...would love some advice??



## mrsc75 (Apr 17, 2012)

Hi Girls.
With a mixture of regret and excitement I find myself here after a three year journey with IVF and the loss of my only pregnancy two years ago, which we have slowly come to terms with enough to feel that adoption is pretty much our next option and only hope of a family.

I have started to think about researching the agencies and want to try and go to some information meetings in the spring.  I have looked at the my local govt agency (Gateshead) but really would like to know if anyone has any recommendations about who to approach in the north east area, whether that is govt or independent agencies.

Its a minefield to me I dont know where to start!

Thanks xx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello mrsc75. Sorry to read about what you've been through.  Will pm you as we are NE too


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## millie:) (Feb 12, 2013)

Hello Mrs sorry to read your journey will try to pm you were from me too x


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## mrsc75 (Apr 17, 2012)

Thanks girls yes please xx  any advice much appreciated xx


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## millie:) (Feb 12, 2013)

Meant north east too


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## clarissa4bit (Apr 19, 2011)

I am normally a lurker, but my partner and I have had such a good experience I couldn't help but come out of the shadows. We went through a voluntary agency called Arc Adoption NE, based in Sunderland, and have been approved by the panel as adopters today  
The whole process has been so smooth, I can't recommend our agency enough. From our first contact, they've been communicative, helpful and supportive. Training groups have been nice small sizes too.
I may be wrong, but I think often voluntary agencies have better resources and support, but local authorities tend to place very young children with the adopters they've trained themselves (much cheaper and younger children can be easier to place). However Arc have strong links with Cumbria LA, so prospective adopters from Arc have the same opportunities as Cumbrian adopters. Win/win for us.
We've had the same (fantastic) social worker throughout, and we both feel like Arc have been working with us to get to our goal of being parents. We're not there yet and it will probably take a while (we're looking for 0-2 years old), but I feel in safe hands. I read so many posts where people have had negative experiences with agencies/local authorities and I just feel very grateful that we've been so lucky. 
I should point out I don't work for Arc, because I know I've been very enthusiastic in my post


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## mrsc75 (Apr 17, 2012)

Thanks girls for all of your messages.

Clarissa, I think I will try Arc as I have looked at their site already and kept going back, they are also advertised at my fertility clinic and they seem to cover a wide area, Im definitely going to try them and a couple of my local LA's for info at first.
I feel like this is something I can start looking into more now and then hopefully in spring we'll go to some info evenings or arrange a first visit.
Congratulations on your approval!

hoping 2015 will be different for us instead of the disappointment of the past three years x

Thanks everyone for your input x


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## clarissa4bit (Apr 19, 2011)

Thanks MrsC, and glad I could help.

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult journey to this point. Fingers crossed that next year we will all get the families we want xxx


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## dimplesforever (Aug 1, 2014)

Hi

When I first looked into adoption I was living in Gateshead.  When I approached the Council they said  theygen generally prefer out of borough adopters as their authority is so geographically small it could mean that you live too close to BP. 

I would recommend going to the open evenings.  I went to Durham, Gateshead,  Newcastle,  Sunderland and DFW. I  chose Durham and I certainly haven't regretted it. I contacted them to apply in January, was approved in July, matching panel 2 weeks ago and my little boy came home on Monday.

Never been so tired or so happy! 

Best of luck with your adoption journey.


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## mummy to little pea (Nov 8, 2013)

Hi mrsc, 

welcome to the page to be, you will receive lots of support & advice from this group as did I and now we are celebrating our 1st xmas with our DD (so so happy that have been in tears for the past month haha).

I have heard ARC are good and also I would recommend North Tyneside from ppl I know who have gone through them.  I would try and find an agency out of your local area as someone has prev mentioned it will be hard to place one of their children if the BP's live close and don't let them con you about the national register etc as this works for some but not others and could be a very long wait. 

Good luck on your journey, it will be very stressful and you will feel as if you will have every detail of your life interrogated from finances - sex life ! but the outcome is truly a wonderful blessing and once you have your little one home whether it be a year or two or even less the stress will just fade away, i would say that it is like having a 1 yr labour but when you have your baby in your arms you wont feel the pain anymore


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hello MrsC
I'm not from NE but just wanted to welcome you to the boards. I've had so much support here, the members are amazing. 

Very best of luck and here's to a lovely start in 2015



GG xxx


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## Kylie47 (Mar 28, 2013)

Hi all

I'd just like to say thanks MrsC for asking this question, and for everyone's advice! We're in the sane boat,  ie trying to decide which agency to go with in the NE. It's good to hear so many positive experiences with the various agencies. If people don't mind answering a couple more questions I'd be grateful  .

We're currently trying to decide between Arc, Gateshead and Durham.  Been to info evenings at Newc and Gateshead. Presume Arc don't do info evenings?  Can't find much info on their website.

During stages 1 and 2 do you go to the agency's base regularly, or are many of the visits to your home? I know it's good to not live too close in the borough of the agency (which we don't for the ones we're considering) but equally if you need to go there regularly it's good not to be too far away I guess,  esp when fitting in appts around work. Any advice regarding this would be great. 

Congrats to those of you who now have your children and good luck to those still waiting! 

Claire xxx


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## clarissa4bit (Apr 19, 2011)

Hi Claire,

We didn't go to an open evening with Arc, I think you're right in that they seem not to do them. With them being new and having a decent amount of funding, they seem to do things more one on one or in very small groups. What we had instead was a good chat over the phone with a social worker and asked everything we wanted to ask. The social worker gave us an idea of the process, and suggested she comes for an informal visit for a more in depth chat. 

DH and I are actually based in in Yorkshire, but a family member works with SS locally so we decided to go further afield and Arc was recommended by the family member. We had about an hour and 3/4 drive to the agency, but didn't mind because most of the time it was them visiting us. We had stage one training up there, which because of the small group sizes were just over one weekend (9.30 - 5ish Sat & Sun), and the same again for stage 2 training. For the sake of ease, we booked in at a cheap Travelodge on both the Saturday nights for training. Our only other visit up there was for the approval panel, so three visits in the 6 months (though five if we hadn't stayed over). 

I'm not sure if it was because we're further away, but most of stage one was done over phone and email for us, which was absolutely spot on. Maybe a visit or two from our social worker, but they were mainly kept to stage two. We probably 4 or 5 visits to our home in stage two, and again because of the distance we did full days in one go. 

Hope that helps a little


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## Laws1612 (Dec 12, 2011)

Sounds like you have alot of support here. ....just wanted to welcome you. There are lots of people that will be able to answer most of your questions...adoption buddies starting 2014/2015 have a mixtureiof ladies at all different stages. Hope to see you there soon xx


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## Kylie47 (Mar 28, 2013)

Thanks loads for your advice Clarissa. It's great you've had such a good experience with Arc.

Hope you don't have too long to wait for your little one.

Thanks also Laws, I've been lurking on the adoption buddies thread for a while and will be posting on there in the near future no doubt!


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## clarissa4bit (Apr 19, 2011)

Thanks Claire. Fingers crossed it won't be too long for us, but even if we're months down the line before we get any further we're both feeling pretty happy that it's going to happen at some point.
You're doing the right thing sizing up which will work better for you. I think for me for the important factors were:

1) What support will they give us? Will they be around to answer questions when we need them? What about after our child is placed, will they still be there to help?

2) How on the ball are they? Will they take ages to answer an email, or promise to call and not follow through? We used our initial contact to base this on, and a surprising number of places fell down on this area - if they can't respond to a query email, how can we trust they'll be there if we're having a hard time with something?

3) How comfortable did I feel with the contact/social worker/vibe of the agency or LA. Some felt a little self important, almost severe. I wanted to know that we would be working together for the goal of DH & I becoming parents, rather than battling against them. I knew the process would be hard, so I wanted to make sure that there weren't any concerns about not getting along with someone who would be spending so much time with us.

If I was choosing between agencies/LAs now I'd also want them them to explain in clear terms how they match parents with children of the age group I was looking for. For example would we be put straight on the national register, or would they only look at a specified area (their own), are they part of a consortium or link and how does that work?

Best of luck, I'm sure whichever agency/LA you choose will look after you well.


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## mrsc75 (Apr 17, 2012)

Hi girls,

I haven't been here for a while and was suprised when I saw all your replies so thanks so much!

Im a bit of a confused mess this week to be honest, last week I had a rush of excitement and enthusiasm and contacted Arc and had a chat with a social worker who was absolutely lovely over the phone and is popping out to see us this week.  I think what is confusing me is that we hadn't yet had our final follow up with the fertility clinic and although we had decided no more IVF I still feel a little wounded by everything.  Our follow up is today though it was supposed to be a few weeks back, maybe I'll feel better 

Still probably not really ready to go ahead with any formal applications or to start the stage one process so maybe having the appointment today and then seeing this lady on Thursday might help us to put some things into perspective.

I think I'll also contact Newcastle and South Tyneside as it would be good to have a lot of information before deciding who to go with.

I like your questions Clarissa I think those are such important points.  My husband and I are are quite big risk takers in many things in life, as we have our own business and you have to be but this is something I'd like to take my time over I think. 

I suppose once I've gathered some info from a few places we will know when we are ready to start.....

Kylie did you go to their open evenings for Newcastle and Gateshead??  Im a bit scared of open evenings, Im not sure whether I prefer the one to one approach.

Lovely to hear that some of you are having sleepless nights and happy tears!  I'd love some of those!!!

Think I'm going to do a bit more research this morning since I can't concentrate on work!

xx


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## Kylie47 (Mar 28, 2013)

Hi Mrsc

Aww I I feel for you, it's so difficult coming to terms with the fertility side of things isn't it. I hope your clinic appt  went well today and it helps you to work out your next steps. I def needed that follow up appt before could make any decisions about adoption. 

We went to info evenings with Gateshead and Newcastle, and found the evenings incredibly informative, pretty friendly and informal, not intimidating. We narrowed it down to Arc and Gateshead and arranged initial visits with them both.  Had brilliant meetings with both. Decided to go with Gateshead purely as we felt our chances of getting a baby were improved with Gateshead,  which Arc agreed with. 

Take your time with all this and look after yourself xxx


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