# feel even lower one week after BFN



## mungo (Sep 24, 2007)

Hello everybody
I'm 37 (got severe endo), have been ttc for 2 yrs. I have just had my first IVF (didn't respond well, 4 eggs, 2 embryos) started a horrific period 2 days before test date.  I feel a guilty because I've read alot of posts of people that have lots of failed cycles and they seem so strong.  I just keep crying and can't think of anything else; went back to work yesterday, needed to instead of moping around the house.  But it was awful, l just kept crying when I talked about it to people.  My job is very stressful (I'm an A & E nurse, and do 12.5 shifts) but I thought at least I will keep busy (but it was a horrible shift).  It didn't help that I found out  that 2 more members of staff are now pregnant, I am please for them, but couldn't help feel jealous.  
I'm trying to feel positive,but I've got it into my head already that I will never conceive a child of my own, my partner is supportive but is starting to get a little annoyed (wrong word) maybe frustrated with me.  I know I've still got a long way to go, but how do people pick them themselves up each time?
thanks Mungo


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## babybug (Jul 9, 2007)

ahh mungo , firstly sorry about your bfn , sending you big hugs   , I Know what you mean , i am 2 weeks since my second bfn (doesn't get any easier) and last night my sister rang to say she is pregnant (was on holiday with her last week , she smokes ,drinks..far too much and still manages to get pregnant within days) aghhh sooo not fair!! but what we have to do/think is ONE day it WILL be our time!!! it's just now wasn't?! try to stay poss hun, it may seem everyone stays strong but really we are all hurting, is just easier when we have eachother to stay strong with !!!
good luck for next time      
look after yourself
babybug x


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## Livelife (Aug 28, 2007)

Mungo- I understand how you feel. Got BFN on Thursday and I'm not coping at all. I can't see a way forward just want to curl up in a ball and hide away. I don't want to see anyone and hear their sympathy. I also have convinced myself I'll never have a child and don't know where people get such strength to carry on. I can't believe how much pain this has caused, I feel like my life will never be the same again and I will never be truely happy.

Christine x


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## vicky1972 (Sep 5, 2006)

Hi Mungo
I'm so sorry that you had a negative cycle and I know exactly how you feel. I've had two failed cycles and have been really affected by them. I've felt myself become very jealous and quite bitter. I can't tell you how long you'll feel the way you're feeling at the moment, hopefully not long. I felt crap on and off for a few months after our 2nd cycle, then started to accept that perhaps our own baby was never going to be. We decided we'd have our three IVF shots, then call it a day and move on to adoption. With our first cycle, I was so sure it would work as they had found nothing wrong with us, I just couldn't believe it when it didn't. Looking back I was pretty naive. I've just done a 3rd cycle and had become such a pessimist that I was sure it wouldn't work and it did. I'm now 8weeks pregnant. It can and does work, and could work for you Mungo. You wouldn't have found anybody more sure that something wasn't going to work for them than I was, so don't give up. Hope you feel better soon and the best of luck for the future, that goes for babybug and Christine too.
All the best
Vicky xx


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## Livelife (Aug 28, 2007)

Vicky that really is wonderful and gives us all hope. It's always a reassurance too to hear that feelings are normal.
I'm feeling a little more upbeat- as you can see from my ticker I'm getting a little puppy soon.

Christine xx


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## shill (Jul 30, 2007)

Oh mungo, so sorry you're feeling this way.

My advice would be don't fight it.  After our last BFN, and then a natural BFP & mc (long story!!) I think I tried to pick myself up too quickly, did exactly what you did and went straight back to work etc. and as a consequence I made myself pretty ill/depressed.  Eventually I realised what was going on (well someone made me realise), and once I started to cry and let my emotions out I've been able to begin to heal.

So, allow yourself to feel sad, it's perfectly natural, don't hold it back as it'll only make you feel worse in the long run.  You'll have good and bad days but eventually you will begin to feel better.

Take care


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## mungo (Sep 24, 2007)

Hello everyone
Thankyou all for your lovely reply's. I am obviously still sad, but I'm getting there.  Managed to do a long day at work on Sunday, and only got watery eyes a couple of times.  I'm trying to be postitive, I have a follow up appointment with a good endo and fertility specialist (I've seen so many crap doctors, over the past couple of years). I didn't respond well to the drugs and have got severe endo (may need another op?) so hopefully he'll give me some good advice, of what to do next.
This ttc is constantly on my mind; I should be ovulating this week so obviously need to get at it! You never know you hear about people having lots of IVF's and then suddenly get pregnant naturally.
Congratulations Vicky and good luck to everyone else- We WILL get there.
Take Care love Tannie (MUNGO)


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## Livelife (Aug 28, 2007)

Glad you are feeling a bit more positive 

Christine x


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