# people dont understand



## mrssully (May 2, 2013)

Hi all,
Does anyone have any good coping strategies to apply to comments made by friends with children.the comments of enjoy the sleep while you can and kids are  expensive are bad enough but today ive had the pleasure of being told 'dontwish your time away wanting children they happen when its meant to'
Just because we have fertility issues and really want children instead of getting pregnant by accident somehow makes us a target for everyones views to be right about kids.
Rant over!

Mrs sully


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

I've only just started to feel 'affected' by these comments to the point where i want to reply in the hopes of making them realise what they have just said to me. i think the worst i have recieved is " are you sure you're doing it right?" said in jest but so so hurtful.

Recently on a night out for my mates bday he said to me "when are you going to get pregnant already?!" and that he cant wait for us to have a baby cuz of how happy he will be for us, i even asked him to stop talking about it but he carried on! i ended up in the toilets crying my eyes out.
Luckily another friend (who is actually pregnant but very sensitive to me about it) came after me and let me talk through it.

i have now reached the point where im not prepared to just grin a bear it when i get these comments. i will start speaking up for myself, i need to protect myself now through this as its all getting harder. my true friends dont do it to me so if i loose any friends by retaliating then it just shows they arent worth my time.

i think the main thing to remeber though when retaliating is that 'other people' really dont understand so as well as retaliating make sure they realise no matter how they ment the comment its just hurtful and nothing else. its not encouraging, it doesnt help to make 'light' of it and it doesnt put anything into perspective.

alot of people may think they are helping or being supportive when its just not the case.

hmm... rant over for now...


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## Loopyttc (Aug 4, 2013)

I am constantly amazed by the things people come out with not realising how hurtful they are. My pet hate is the ** posts "you don't know real love until you've had a baby". Geeeeeeezzzz That make me feelgood.

One article I found made me laugh about it though - my favourite being "you should get a dog" - hope it makes you smile like it did me http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/advice-for-those-on-the-ivf-bandwagon/


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

You just need a standard line you say back to people.  Dont get all emotional or angry, its not worth it also people don't think about the emotional aspect of it.  The one i hated the most is "relax and it will just happen"  My standard line back was " If that was the case then the nhs wouldn't be paying for me to have ivf"  blunt to the point but not rude.  That kind of ended the conversation.  After 7 years of treatment and with everyone knowing htat both my dh and i have fertility issued and i also have a genetic one.  I finally had a baby girl through icsi pgd.  I have now found my self pregnant naturally, people are now saying "see it happens when your not thinking about it or stressed by it"  That annoys me but i don't really have any come back as tbh i have no idea how it worked.  But that is the world of IF its odd and there are so many things that even the scientists dont understand.  Try hard not to waste your energy on being angry with people, it wont achieve anything. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Brilliant article! thank you Loopyttc - cheered my up a bit! now off to inject myself... or should i just be relaxing? lol


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## mrssully (May 2, 2013)

Thank you all for your replies. The article is brilliant ty! X


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## Buttongirl14 (Oct 25, 2013)

We're in the diagnosis phase, just had my HSG and waiting to have 21 day bloods done next Friday and it's really hard, especially since we have lots of people around us either pregnant or with young children. My 'favourite' comment that I've had recently (from a newly pregnant female friend) was "just visualise eggs dropping from your ovaries" um.... if it was that easy...........!!!! Probably not helped that when she told me she was pregnant I was on Provera to bring on AF and was totally loopy from those extra hormones. Ugh!


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I can totally relate to this, people really can be so tactless and ignorant!

I feel like getting a tattoo of the female reproductive system with the tubes crossed out, so that I can show those who feel qualified to offer "helpful" advice exactly why relaxing/vitamins/yoga/accupuncture/hypnosis/standing on my head etc etc will never result in pregnancy for me!

And as for those ** posters "you don't know real love until you've had a baby" well they'll never know the true value of a child until they've been through IVF.

I hope everyone on here gets their dream one day soon.

B xxx


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## MariMar (May 14, 2013)

*bombsh3ll:* And as for those ** posters "you don't know real love until you've had a baby" well they'll never know the true value of a child until they've been through IVF.

TOO RIGHT! Thanks for these posts, everyone, really cheered me up, especially the article... 

x


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