# Desolate....



## V75 (Oct 30, 2009)

Hello all,
Not really sure what to say...had ICSI in Oct, bfn, poor quality eggs and embryos. My AMH  only 4.4 (finally got the result after waiting 7 weeks as they lost my first blood sample) When I got the results the nurse rang the next day to say my consultant had decided to try the short protocol, so i was buzzing that at least Id get another chance. Clinic appt yesterday, my other half didnt come as he was poorly - only to be told by the consultant that they wud not be offering another cycle as my chances of having my own baby practically zero.Changed his mind.  This has knocked me sideways - my DH has 3 children from a previous marraige and so isnt keen at all on egg donation and to be honest I know how to feel about it either.  I just cant get my head round the fact thats it - Ill never have my own child - how on earth do u come to terms with that  Help please!!!!


V xx


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## Flow13 (Jul 22, 2009)

Didn't want to read and run. 

massive     for you. 

I can't imagine what you are going through right now, and I wish I had some good advice for you. 

Have you tried talking to your dh about how you feel? xxxx


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## maybe tomorrow (Jul 5, 2008)

Hello,
I could not just read and run hun - Im so sorry that you feel the way you do.... IF is a cruel and terrible thing for any woman to have to go through.
My gorgeous DP has 2 little girls, and I have some how come to terms with never being able to be a mum. I found that by trying not to think negative thoughts and be positive about the future, which is now pain free, helped me.

I hope that you can start to come to terms with it one day, but in the mean time, here are some hugs for you.
   

Karen
xxx


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## V75 (Oct 30, 2009)

Thank you,
Just feels like Im in a tunnel and cant see the other end yet.  Changing the way you think and the way youve imagined your life would be is hard.  I know it will take time.  I love my other half and his kids so much  but just feel a huge loss for the baby Ill never have or hold. All the little things you imagine and hope for...its hard to let go......
V xxx


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi V,

 to you as I know your hurting right now.

Its not easy having to accept that children wont be part of our lives.  I had councilling and this helped me immensley - its not a magic cure and will not change your feelings overnight - but believe me it does help to "let it all out".

I still have wobbly days and am a green eyed monster - but im "allowed" to feel like that   I never asked to be childless so if I want to rant then I do and get it out of my system.

You have dh and he loves you - so try and focus on some nice things for the future that you can do together.  Life can be good again ............ just different   

Sending you lots of   and strength.

Debs xxx


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## V75 (Oct 30, 2009)

Thank you all for your replies. I know I have to look forward now and get used to my life being different, but as my DH says, it can still be a good life. Just take things day by day...


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi 

I have a diagnosis that means i will never ever have my own children too   i just wanted to say i understand how you feel    it really takes a very long time to come to terms with things....3 1/2 years later and i still have bad days. But it does get easier. Take lots of time and don't be hard on yourself. It is a massive bombshell and will take a long time to come to terms with   

Be kind to yourself, draw on the strength in your relationship and remember no feeling is abnormal....some days you may feel OK and other days you will feel broken....there is no 'right' way to feel. You have expereinced a massive loss and in my opinion it is no different to grief. You have lost your genetic child and this is something i have spent a lot of time grieving. I have a tree in the 'Fertility Forest' (see the Infertility Network website), i also have a memory box, special pieces of jewellery to remember my loss, a shrub in the garden, a candle to light. You name it i have it! And although obviously nothing will ever replace the loss of my child it does help to have these things in a small way. You are at the beginning of your journey and all this may sound silly but in the future it may help to do/have similar things around   

PM me anytime of you need to talk

Take good care of yourself

Florie
xx


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## Coco Ruby (Jul 21, 2009)

Hi V75

I'm sorry that you had such a negative response from your consultant.  I just wanted to say that they seem to have been a bit hasty with their diagnosis and maybe you could try another clinic, as there are many ladies with amh far lower than yours that have gone on to have babies.  The Lister clinic in London specialise in treating what is termed 'poor responders' and there is a thread 'poor responders' under the IVF section of this board.  I have had treatment there and would highly recommend them.  It's just a suggestion if you felt you wanted to get a second opinion.  Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
x


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