# Negative



## tango (May 21, 2004)

Negative


No path for me to Mothercare.
No need to pick out maternitywear.
There’s no blue line or pink dot for me
Just endless bloody misery.

No need to stress over every ache.
No doctor’s appointment for me to make.
Miriam Stoppard goes back on the shelf and
I’m left here alone now, with only myself.

No need to work out my baby’s due date.
No chance to worry if my period is late.
All that I need I cannot achieve.
Nothing left for me now but to cry & to grieve,

To cry and to grieve, to grieve and to cry – 
The constant pattern now until I die?
Five years of sadness, consummate pain
Decisions await – should I cycle again?

Gather the courage, the strength and the cost
If only our savings were all that we lost!
Confidence, dignity, self-respect, pride:
All of these gone now along the wayside

Scans and appointments and endless prescriptions;
Brace myself now for those daily injections
Hormonal and bloated, hoping yet tearful,
Scared and excited, elated and fearful

That all the technology will fail me once more.
My dreams are locked tight behind that closed door
Another few thousand could buy me the key
Another piece of my heart is the true cost to me

Be strong, have faith, keep hope, they say
But faith and hope are slipping away
How can I trust in a “just” Deity
Who hands me pain but ignores my pleas?

I have no choice: I must try again
And hope that this time is not in vain
I know that I will rally and cope
For what is life if I don’t have hope?

xxxx


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## starr (Mar 23, 2004)

Tango,
Did u write this yourself.?
It's like reading my own thoughts 
Love Starr xx


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## tango (May 21, 2004)

Hi Starr (any relation to ringo?)

yes i wrote it over the last couple of days, i got another negative last thursday - AF arrived 2 days before test day (again - for once i would just like to get to flipping test day!!)

glad to say i am feeling slightly less negative myself today and slowly dusting myself off and picking myself up. but one thing i have learned from last time, is i need to get it out and feel sorry for myself before i can get positive again. so i thought i would post this for all who needs a good cry, i always feel better after a good old sob or 2. 

pepsi 
xxxxx


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## sas jane v (Aug 7, 2003)

hi pepsi and Starr - sorry to hear of your negs and good for you to write a poem about it all - I guess lots of us feel that could be for us too and send you all hugs

I agree about the crying - I always need a good wallow before I can pick myself up

sarah xx


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## shelld (May 17, 2004)

Tango

Hi am newbie to site and just had negative today on first ICSI cycle.
Thanks a lot for sharing your poem its brilliant and just sums up how I feel. 
I shall try your theory of having good cry and wallow to pick myself up for next round.
take care and thank you
lvoe shelld
xx


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## sarz (Apr 1, 2003)

Just heard....another negative for me.....

Big hugs to you all.

I find the best way to get over this is to have a big cry, lots of chocolate, a glass of wine and then get focussed on the future.....

I am thinking about what i have and it's great !, not what i don't have......

The tears will be flowing tonight......

Sarz X


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Don't give up girls. Many of us on these boards have gone through a number of BFNs (including me!) and come out the other side with a BFP. It will all be worth it in the end. You will get your dream, whether it is through tx/adoption or in some other way. In the meantime, enjoy all the wine and chocolate!

Love from Carole
xxx


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## tango (May 21, 2004)

Thanks for all your replies.

I was feeling sooo "negative" when i wrote this poem, i hope i didn't upset anyone by posting it. 

My heart goes out to all those still waiting for their blue lines - we just need to carry on being patient girls and our time will come i am sure.

I'm feeling more positive again now - you know the routine only too well I'm sure - tears and sadness, then the action plan kicks in again......my consultant has suggested a hysteroscopy before the next round, don't know anything about this, has anyone had this done?

We've booked 2 weeks in Cyprus for some sun sand and non-baby making sex !!! Don't know if i remember doing it for another reason....!!! 

So i hope to come home with renewed vigour and a decision whether to go again (well i'm sure we all the know the answer to that one eh ? 

Until then, pecker up ladies, and babydust and vibes to all of us

love
tango
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## kaza (Jul 27, 2004)

Hi

I'm sure you didn't upset any one, you are not alone in this.
I just had 2nd ICSI treatment and on 2ww, started bleeding 2 days ago, and due to take test on Sunday, but dont hold much luck. 
I totaly agree with having a good gry, I have cried for 2 days I feel alot better, I will pick my selfup and start again. 
Thanks for the poem.

Good luck for next time.

Kaza


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