# Potty training issues with a three and a half year old



## fieldofdreams (Apr 15, 2011)

Hi all, 
We are currently considering a match with a lovely 3.5yr old.  One of the main issues we are discussing at the moment is that LO isn't potty trained yet and currently isn't showing interest (only in foster care 6 mths).  We're worried about not having this worked out by school start, has anyone had the same problem?  Any advise?  Did it become easier once they were settled in their forever home? Would be great to hear from anyone out there!
Thanks


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi FoD,

Not sure if my experience will help but thought I'd share.

Firstly are there any medical or sensory issues that could be contributing to this? Has LO been in neglect is got used to feeling wet/dirty?

My LO had been in fc since weeks old & came home at 16months. He's been dry since 3 with no accidents but we're still not clean on a consistent basis and is nearly 4. We've done everything re ok ended etc and GP won't consider a referral until over 4 as some kids take a bit longer and there's no cause for concern until 4. My LO had constipation issues that are now under control but there's an element of withholding and control for him.

If LO is not clean by school, they will need to support or you may wish to defer anyway to have LO home longer and allow your bond to develop. You might find the issues resolve once home but I wouldn't b in a rush as your first few months are critical in building your bond and making the transition as stress free as poss. FC may also share this view and SWs often ask FCs not to potty train if a move is on the horizon as likely LO will regress.
HTH x


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## fieldofdreams (Apr 15, 2011)

Thanks, no medical or sensory issues, most likely due to neglect and being used to the feeling.  Don't really want that reason to be a reason we don't go ahead with it all, I suppose like all issues, it could happen with a birth child too.  I think we may be freaking out a bit now also as we are so close and it's becoming so real and we do feel very positive about LO but then you start to question, is it the right choice?  Bit up and down like a yoyo!


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

I really don't think it's unusual for a child this age in fc not to be toilet trained. Most of the profiles I saw were of 3 year olds and most were not trained. My friend adopted a 3 year old who wasn't but as I recall it didn't take long once she was settled. If a child is ready it can be pretty quick. My friend has just trained her 3 year old in 4 days. It took us quite a long time with lo as I think we started too young and we finally succeeded shortly after he was 3. You should have plenty of time before she starts school and I really wouldn't worry too much.

When I was looking at profiles 2 years ago it is something that did worry me but if I was looking now it wouldn't. I really hope it doesn't put you off.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Once you're in a comfortable happy time with LO have a look into the 3 day potty training...

We started with LO about 10 days ago, basically they wake up on day 1 and together you throw the nappy in the bin...Then for the 3 days you don't leave the house and let them go either naked or just pants...then slowly venture into public with lots of changes of clothes and I couldn't recommend the porta potty enough! My LO has been in pants the 10 days now and only had two accidents, 1 at a soft play when he was on the third level and I couldn't run up quick enough and another on his celebration party day because he couldn't find anyone to ask to take him an over excited. 

He'll get there in his own time but I've found this a really good approach x


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## fieldofdreams (Apr 15, 2011)

That's all great to hear, thanks for sharing and helping to put my mind at rest a bit more - probably overthinking but as you all know, just can't help it.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi!

If he's three and a half he's still got a year until school this would be the last of my worries.  Let him be a baby, the more he's willing to do that and let you baby him, the better.  He's likely to have experienced severe neglect so he needs that babying, as much as he'll let you give him!

My son is just three and still in nappies, he will start school at the same time as this little boy.  He has made it very clear to me that while he knows when he wants to go, he doesn't want to come out of nappies.  I am pretty fine with this.  If he wants to be my baby, he can be.  I think this is even more important for a child that comes to you older!

All the best with the link,

Wyxie xx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

I think it depends on the child, our ds was 2 1/2 when we started potty training, it took 10 days and now he is dry all day including his nap. Night time we still put a nappy on as he is still in a cot and can't get out to use the toilet.


Go with the flow of the child, they will tell you when they are ready. I know mums at ds play group who say their 3 1/2 year olds are still not potty trained, but they arnt ready and they haven't been adopted. 


Take your time and they will get there in the end.


I did read a really good book, how to potty train boys (not sure if it's a boy) but found this really helpful as I was told boys take a little longer to train.






Good luck xx


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