# Grief



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

The grief can be so hard at times.  It comes and goes and most of the time I try to bury things as I don't want to have to feel the uncomfortable feelings.  At the moment though I'm very tearful most days.  I try and put on a front at work but it's been tough with pregnant colleagues going off on maternity leave recently, the gifts, the related chat, the send offs.  Now xmas is on the way and I like to celebrate it but it's also emotional as I've done two of my cycles during December which resulted in pregnancies which I then miscarried.  I think the 6 years of this has taken its toll and now that we have moved to donor treatment, it's the grief for our own baby that we can never have.  Everything is setting me off at the moment, including TV adverts or emotive songs! I'm finding it all incredibly sad.  I think it's also the realisation that we are nearing the end of the journey as our next round it our last.  Tough times but I just do my best to get through.


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## Mochashosh (Jan 23, 2018)

Dear Magic I am so sad to read your post, and I'm sure all of us have complete empathy for what you're feeling and experiencing.  I don't have any words of wisdom, and I'm sure you wouldn't want them anyway.  I think you're absolutely entitled to grieve.  Would it be possible to get some compassionate leave from work and just go away for a few days?  It won't take the pain away, but it will allow you to do whatever you need or want to do without the pressure of having to put on your 'work face'.  I think there needs to be understanding in the workplace that miscarriage is a bereavement like any other and that you need time.  Another thing that people fail to realise is that grief doesn't necessarily follow a prescribed pattern; you can be fine for weeks or months and then it hits you.

Of course you are grieving for your genetic child.  Who wouldn't?  Again, give yourself all the time you need and don't let anyone dare to judge you.  Life is very cruel sometimes, and that's the truth.

When you're ready, I do wish you all the very best with your donor cycle.

xx


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

Magicpillow 

Just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and wanted to give you a hug  

I have exactly the same feelings and it’s necessary to experience those so that you can move on. Personally I found counseling really helpful

What I have chosen to do is to focus on improving other sectors of my life and focus on what i have. Try to find new challenges. Unfortunately in terms of conceiving there is nothing more I can do and I can’t control it. It gives me grief but I need this in order to move on. 

In terms of pregnancy announcements and work collegues I keep my distance. I move to another country soon so thankfully it will be a new start


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Thank you so much both of you, wise words. 
It definitely comes in waves, that's for sure.  I'm probably going to be doing my DE cycle fairly soon so that's been making me feel a bit more positive.  It can be hard in the workplace at times though, especially coming up to xmas as last year I got my bfp on 27th Dec.  I've pulled out of our work xmas lunch next week as I found out that two of the recent mat leavers are coming and bringing their new babies which I can't really handle right now. 
Lots of love to you both xx


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