# Family announcement - bad timing!!



## cnld (Apr 6, 2008)

Hi

Just found out I am going to be a step-grandmother which was just what I didn't want to hear just before EC and 2WW. I know that sounds selfish and I am genuinely pleased for my stepson and his wife but would have liked to have finished my tx before knowing. I want DD to be a sister to a new baby not a stepauntie!

Just feel really down about it and having been so positive over this cycle I now feel really negative and also feel that DH wont mind if this cycle doesn't work as he has a grandchild to look forward to - irrational but then most feelings during tx are I guess.

Probably doesn't help that my baby (m/c last tx) would have been due on stepsons birthday so I think some emotions have somehow been dragged up over that too for me.

Oh well I'll smile when I see them and say all the right things!!

Caz x


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## EllieGP (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi Caz,

I know what you mean. If it wasn't bad enough getting a BFN for 1st IVF, my SIL decided to tell me she had just m/c. I suppose she thought we could console each other. I was so mad with her for TTC while I was going through IVF. But then 3 months later, she announces she is PG with 2nd child, just days before my EC for my 2nd IVF. I wanted to scream so loudly. The additional pressure was terrible and then I got another BFN on 10 March. I couldn't even tell her we were having tx and only told her it had failed 3 weeks later when I was strong not to burst into tears in public.

Any way what she doesn't know is I'm smiling all the time now, as I got my first ever BFP last Sunday 6 April - naturally. So miracles happen. I'm going to enjoy keeping this secret from her.

Keep smiling and I'm hoping the next BFP is yours.    

Love Ellie xxx


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## cnld (Apr 6, 2008)

Hi Ellie 

How fantastic you got such a fantastic surprise BFP. Congratulations and enjoy every second of it.

Caz x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Caz - sorry you're feeling like you are right now.    The hormones and stress of treatment will be making everything you're feeling so much more amplified at the moment. But you will find the strength to put a brave face on it. Here's hoping that you will have your very own good news to share with the family very soon.

We had something similar about 18 months ago when my brother and sister in law announced they were expecting a few days before I was going into have my fibroids removed. There was me gearing up for the possibility of a hystorectomy and then I got what felt like a real body blow from the side. Sadly there's never a right time to hear about a pregnancy when you're going through IVF and IF as each one seems to bring the sadness back that it's not you celebrating. It's not that you wish others badly more that you're sad for yourself.

You will get there though. Good luck with your tx. CG xxxxx


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## cnld (Apr 6, 2008)

Thanks CG for your kind (and wise!!) words. I have sent a congratulations card to them today which in some perverse way made me feel better - not sure why but it did. I am so lucky to have DD but it doesn't make wanting to complete our family any easier or the pain of failing less intense.

Good luck for testing which from your ticker I guess is in the next few days? Hope you get a BFP!

Caz x


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## Hal (Feb 13, 2008)

Caz

You just need a bit of time and I am sure you will feel different. Its just bad tinning. Try to look on the positive side - you have just missed becoming a granny whilst still in your 30s! I became a step-granny at 36 and then again at 38 much to my horror and disbelief! For the first 4 years they called me by my first name 'cos i just couldn't deal with the idea of being a granny - partly my age and partly not having any children of my own. But i have found its actually quite good being a granny - you can do fun things with them for a short period and then they go away!! They now call me granny - took a few months of bribery for them to call me by a different name.

If i actually manage to have this baby (it still doesn't seem very real) the family i end up with will be far from what I had started off hoping for - i wanted a couple of kids in my 30s without years of emotional turmoil and vast expenditure!!
And of course your dh will want this to work - even if it just to avoid the trauma and cost of having to go though it all over again!!

Really wish you well with this tx.

Hxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Hal,
You kindly sent me a message in response to my post about tests that might be helpful and being confused and miserable. Being as I have no IT brain yet I couldn't work out how to reply to you as I had read your message, then replied to someone else and lost your message. Did post a general reply that I hoped you would see on the same thread. Still be grateful for info on what "sticky blood" is and what sort of tests might be helpful in your experience? 

As for your family announcement, think you've done well to make the right noises...I'd probably have burst into tears and run away! Tomorrow is the end of my 2ww - yikes.

Muddylane


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## cnld (Apr 6, 2008)

H - Firstly congrats on the BFP, hope all works out really well for you. Secondly thank you for talking so much sense. Pointing out that the whole IF/TX experience isn't as I would have wanted for my "perfect" family made me see the situation differently. Had a long chat with DH last night and he feels the same as me and put to bed my stupid idea that he wouldn't care if this cycle doesn't work!!

Muddylane - sorry wasn't me re the sticky blood so think somebody else may have messaged you! Good luck for the end of your 2WW  

Caz x


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