# Feeling Blue



## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Help! Need a cyber hug from someone who understands - can't talk to my mum as she's got enough on of her own at the moment, husband is part of the problem and just feeling very low for the last couple of weeks.

Found out that my sister-n-law is pregnant and it has floored me in a way I wasn't expecting, also I guess because it comes alongside investigations over really horrible AF and feeling pretty crap about my ever-expanding body! 

I know I should be so happy with my two gorgeous children, and I am, but I am so fed up at having a body that doesn't work while all around me people get pregnant in the middle of partying and carrying on as normal - hey look at me, I'm so damn fertile and successful and funny and smart etc etc .


Aaah, sorry for rant, just feeling really lonely and hoping someone on here will understand and not think I'm a terrible person   

Thanks for reading


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hey,

You are not a horrible person. IF just affects your life. Yes when you have your child/ren it makes it a lot easier but pangs of old feelings can bite when we least expect.

My BF is pregnant again and I'm not jealous of the bump etc but very very jealous of her (and others) ability to plan their family. We will only have one child due to a number of factors and DH was ok with this but I always saw 2 children so I'm finding that tough. I'm sure once I get to the non baby making years then it'll be easier. I do feel us woman take this harder (even if bodies work).

In the meantime I'm sending a big cyber hug (and a cyber blueberry muffin) and hope this helps
X


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Feel for you xx remember you're doing a fab job bringing up 2 adopted children, not something everyone could manage no matter how slim, successful etc they are xx
These feelings will pass x
Cs


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)




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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

I feel exactly the same was at hospital yesterday again. We have an adoption support group once a month and were all joking about my shocking state of health. I have patches, gels,  pills having physio as well starting to wonder what is gonna go wrong next. Oh and on top of that need to lose 4 stone at least. I have to say since it became clear I  needed a hysterectomy my upset over babies doesn't happen anymore. However,  my nephews bday still does we started ivf when they were born and had ec day after 1st bday. I was quite shocked how emotional I was last week. 

You are doing an awesome job a very special mummy to 2 very lucky children. 
Hope tomorrow is easier xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi we just had our first prep day and the morning was about our loss, I.e. loss of dream of birth children, plus loss of babies through miscarriage etc. 
I've been thinking about this a lot and been worrying as to whether we made the right decision or whether we should have TTC longer. But still hanging in for adoption and there must be good reason for that. I haven't once changed my mind, just been worrying cos I'm so good at it!
I know it feels like a kick in the stomach whenever another friend announces their oh so joyous news. There's nothing we can do about that. But you can look at your beautiful girls and think about how amazing it is that you found each other. 
I don't feel like a failure anymore and the shame of IF is waning but will never leave me. 
But we (hopefully me too) will have something they will never have either. I bet you wouldn't swap your gorgeous girls for anything. 
Like Crazyspaniel says these feelings are fleeting and will pass. 
Your girls are very lucky to have found you
Hope you don't mind me commenting as I don't have LO yet, just guessing that I'll feel the same from time to time. Hopefully I'll get the great support from here too. 
Big hugs
Xxxxxx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

I attended a baby shower with my mum yesterday and experienced exactly the same - several of the women were going on about the joys of holding your new baby, feeling their weight when so tiny, knowing you made them etc etc and I just felt yuck! I would not want to change things or swap C for a birth child but like others have said it still hurts that I cant do that when others can (and I think that I missed out on those things with him). Big hugs - you are not alone!!

Love Kiz  xx


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## E3021 (May 28, 2010)

Thank you all so much, it does help speaking to people who truly understand.

As Kizzi and Goofy girl say, I wouldn't swap my gorgeous girls for anything and we know that we are meant for each other. But as Kizzi so rightly says it still hurts and it would have been so lovely to carry them and see them from birth. Most of the time I'm at peace with our path and adoption has been a very special and wonderful experience. It's just occasionally when things collide that I feel sorry for myself!! 

AAA - sending you big hugs back, sounds like,e you've got loads to cope with at the minute, really hope everything goes well for you with your health. I have loved reading about your experiences with BBubba, especially when we were waiting to be matched, your positive posts gave me lots of hope.xxx


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