# 5th ivf OTD tomorrow not looking good



## poodlelover (Sep 3, 2009)

This is first post on FF altho have been reading other posts during my 2ww. Tomorrow is my OTD although started bleeding yest so not holding out much hope. Had 2 grade 2 3 day embies ET was 22.10.09. 
Really just wanted a place where can vent my feelings as don't want to burden my DH with my craziness and dont know anyone who is in same situ as us. Everyone preg or got kids so we are avoiding them at mo!! Am usually v positive and upbeat but feel like ivf is turning me into a bitter old whinger! 
Have tried acupuncture, reiki and reflexology. Would paint meself blue and run round the streets naked if i thought it would produce a BFP! 
Got 2 frosties which not sure whether to use myself as sister has offered to be our surrogate (bless her). Altho cant fault Nurture am wondering whether need to persue immune issues. Sister reckons am just more evolved than rest of species and hence body rejects the embies!!
At least 2 ww nearly at end and will know either way tom. Have been driving self mad with "I had bleeding and went onto a BFP" posts!!


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## Kookymare (Aug 12, 2008)

POODLELOVER - didn't want to read n run.

No words of wisdom just wanted to send you   and wish you well. This is the worst rollercoaster I've ever been on!

                                              love Kookymare x


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

and welcome to Fertility Friends 

   I really hope tomorrow does produce a BFP for you hun i really do.  We all know to expect the worst if we start to bleed but it is still possible   
Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

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Its not all just serious stuff here, you can also have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

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You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx


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## poodlelover (Sep 3, 2009)

thanks for replying so quickly ladies. Have made me cry! Sodding hormones!! It's nice to know there are people who understand how i feel. Isn't it awful when u can't even look your own husband in the eye cos u feel such a failure! Have even given him the option of legging it and finding someone who can come up with the goods!! Am sitting at home in my dressing gown with the curtains drawn ignoring the phone~what has happened to me?!! We used to be so sociable and always busy with friends etc but have slowly distanced ourselves as they have gone on to get preg and have 2 or 3 kids. At least my boss and jobshare partner are v supportive (went part time 5 years ago to reduce stress- am a teacher) and am off work until next week. Not that I give a toss about work~ how unprofessional!! In fact don't care about anything other than my DH, my dog and getting preg!! What a saddo. Really should go and get dressed-how slovenly!


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## Wombat72 (Nov 2, 2009)

Poodlelover
Seriously am so with you on how you feel, you have summed up exactly what i have felt. I have only had 2 failed IVF's so far. The first one they got just 2 follicles, one Grade one and One grade two, had ICSI as DP had too many abnormal swimmers, but turned out to be a BFN! Then went again but second IVF stopped due to poor response. FSH levels too high and AMH too low. Also couldn't give a toss about work when i was waiting. Have felt like a failure from the beginning and also felt really unfeminine as well as if i'm not normal, guess we all go through that one at times. Also tried to tell my DP that he should go and find someone who can make him a daddy but he's stubborn and he's sticking with me. Dread it at work everytime someone either says they are pregnant or that their girlfriends/wives are pregnant, just hid away in my room. And to top it all my boss is a father of 4 children and loves to tell me what they are up to, like thanks for that!. Anyway am now on 2ww after having ED in Spain last week so am trying to be positive, it's all we can be. 
Sending you a big hug   and hope that tomorrow turns out to be better than you hoped. xxxx
Wombat 72


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Massive     to you both poodlelover and wombat 
I really hope that with your sheer determination you both get your dreams to come true xx


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