# SHOCKED BY EMAIL



## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

I Was told my a nurse at my clinic that they were waiting for the recipient to ring with her period dates and that the clinic will email me when she has done so with a treatment plan

but the following day in the afternoon i thought i would send a email to see if she had done so 
so i sais

_Afternoon

Just emailing to ask if the recipient has phoned in with her period dates yet ?

Sorry to be a pain _

And got this email back

No,

As always we will call/contact when we know something everydayisagift

I am a bit shocked by this email and quite upset and i am really thinking of making a conplant or changing clinic's coz of this email

Am i going over the top


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## snowwhite44 (Mar 13, 2010)

You know my opinion on it hun!     


Def contact them on Mon that email is very unprofessional. You have every right to keep in touch with them and ask a question regarding your own IVF cycle.


xxx


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## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

snowwhite44 said:


> You know my opinion on it hun!
> 
> Def contact them on Mon that email is very unprofessional. You have every right to keep in touch with them and ask a question regarding your own IVF cycle.
> 
> xxx


Thanks Hun

Maybe i am jumping the gun as alot of people have viewed this thread and not left a note


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what it is that you're offended about in the email?  Am I missing something? 

C~x


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## Twinkerbell x (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi, 


I'm thinking the same as Caz....


I egg shared at the Lister and was in similar circumstances to you - waiting for recipients dates etc. what I will say is don't take it to heart too much. Think about how many of us they see in a day!! There isn't the time to write back long detailed emails. 


Don't take this the wrong way - but what are you not happy with?


T xx


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

You obviously chose your clinic for a reason, so I would say don't make a rash decision to change on the back of that email from a nurse. Although it is alittle unprofessional she could have been having a bad day like the rest of us do & had so much on just typed a short respond!  Don't let it leave you with bad feelings re the clinic - not good when having tx, as I believe you have to have faith in your clinic etc. If it was me, I would speak to the clinic manager/director and explain that you were very upsets a result of the email & then draw a line under it.

Don't let it ruin your weekend  

Lizard xx


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## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

Thank you for your messages 

I was shocked because of the short message sent back and made me feel like I was being a pain 

I only asked a question and it came across like she was biting my head off 

If my fella spoke to someone like that via a email at work his job would be on the line 

Maybe I am over reacting I don't know but on fri I was very very upset 

Just to add it was not from a nurse it was from a señor person which made it worst


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Everydayisagift,


I would be offended by the email too.

It comes across as short & snappy and it wouldn't take much to add a few extra words just to make it that bit more friendly and professional.

I appreciate clinics probably have endless emails of a similar kind but it did come across to me as rude. 

X


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## 1981lins (Nov 29, 2011)

I also do not see the problem with this. They email that was sent to them is also quite short and to the point. They just seem to be answering the question that was asked. Maybe if they are contacted by phone instead then you will get a more personal approach. Emails are always not very personal I feel, a bit like texts!


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## LellyLupin (Nov 12, 2011)

I think they are just telling you to relax, they will let you know if anything happens so you don't need to keep ringing.  I think this whole process makes us hypersensitive so I would let this go xx


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hi

Just thought I would give you another opinion, I don't think it was meant as blunt and arsey, to me it sounds like they were almost reassuring you saying they will contact you, I deal with people via email all day at work and sometimes I think they are being funny when they aren't

Hope you get sorted soon, don't you think a day in ttc world it's like a whole week in normal time, everything seems to drag so much and make us impatient


Lilly xx


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## LellyLupin (Nov 12, 2011)

Oh Lilly you are soooo right


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## cocobella (May 11, 2012)

Hi,
I hope you are feeling a bit better about the email today. I am also egg sharing at the Lister and wanted to reassure you that I often get one liner email replies like that to my questions, and I ask a lot of questions  I really think it is because they want to try and answer all the questions/emails they get as soon as they can, which can mean they might rush them a bit sometimes. I do totally understand how you feel though but like I said I often get short replies and I think they were just trying to make you feel like they were working on it and not to worry.


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## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

thanks ladies 
i was going to send a email saying this

_
Hi Ruth.

I don't know if I am reading this wrong or caught you on a bad day but have I offended you in some way.

I took your last email as very short and sweet, Blunt and too the point as thou I am pestering you too much or harassing you.

Obviously this means the world to me for treatment to happen and I do have to know everything yesterday probably like most women. I just want to be able to plan time off for my partner etc etc

I was told by Lizzy at my appointment that i was welcome to phone/email every day if i wanted to but everytime i send a email i feel bad in doing so

I know their is nothing you can do until you have the other ladies period dates but didnt think it would take this long for her to get back to you i thought these ladies were keen to get going as much as us ladies _

But i haven't sent it and we are very busy this weekend and go away mon till fri so have alot of time to reflex and come down before re thinking


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I also think that her email is ok- remember the reader's frame of mind has a lot to do with how it is received and perceived- and you are anxious, they are busy it is their day to day job. I used to ring and email all the time. I used to be upfront and say I am a neurotic IVFer I know and laugh about it.
I personally wouldn't sent your proposed response but phone up and have a chat with her next week.
Good luck with your cycle
L x


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

I personally wouldn't send that, but I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, I imagine to her she will feel like you are criticising her, and all she did really was answer your question, I think it's great they offer a service where you can email in, and I imagine things like this might make them reluctant to.

I think where you say about catching her on a bad day, put yourself in her shoes, when I put myself in them I would be really annoyed getting an email accusing me of that.

That is just a typical email response to a question, if they were offering an email counselling or advice line then maybe it was a bit of a short reply, but to someone who is answering queries prob all day long and answering the same questions I honestly think it's fine, if you think how busy they prob are they don't want to tie up too much time emailing all day, or getting into discussions on treatment via email, so they might even be keeping it short for that reason

I also think if you complained too her bosses would prob agree it was fine too

This is only my opinion though and you have to do what's right for you, only you can decide that

Lilly x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Nope, I wouldn't send a response either. I really don't think it requires one and I don't know what you hope to achieve by doing so (sorry, I don't mean to be blunt I just don't think it will achieve anything other than to pee them off  ). 
I think the initial email, while short and to the point, actually answers the question you asked. Ok, it was "businesslike" but it wasn't rude. I think JJ1 is right; a lot of it is in the perception of the reader and the frame of mind you're in when you read it. You're obviously anxious about getting started (understandably) and perhaps you were already thinking you're making a pest of yourself by emailing... so maybe you're reading the email with this frame of mind and assuming they think it to. You're not a pest by the way; you're just anxious and that's ok. 

Putting yourself in her shoes, if you had hundreds of emails to answer a day, you too would probably keep it brief.

Let it lie, put it behind you and concentrate on your treatment. 

C~x


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Yep, i agree with Caz.  i think the IVF rollercoaster is an incredibly emotive and anxious time and it's easy to feel upset about things that might not normally bother us.  we're feeling very vulnerable and exposed and a 'businesslike' response can be read as cold and rude but, as has been said, it's all about the perception.

many a time i've had a well-meant text from a friend at a difficult time and completely over-reacted to it, reading all sorts into it or thinking they were being totally out of order and when i've spoken to them in floods of tears they can't believe i've taken it how i have cos that wasn't what they meant at all!! thankfully it was all a storm in a D cup but you get where i'm coming from? you have a lot invested in this and you're very sensitive about it but... she answered your question and as has been said they may deal with tens/hundreds of requests on a daily basis... you could think - at least she got back to you.  she couldn't possibly get into a meaningful discussion with every email she received which is, actually, just asking a simple question (which she answered).  i guess the situation you're in is  'no news is good news' and you just have to sit and wait for the call..... if something happens then, of course, you will be contacted.  if they have 100 patients in a week all emailing every day saying 'any news?' when they have been told they will be contacted when there IS any news it might be difficult to keep on top of.

all i'm trying to say is that it's probably best to let it go. i can totally understand where you're at right now but i personally think the best thing you can do for yourself is to try and not let this bother you any more as it's not something you need right now.  it's like those letters/texts/emails that thankfully you write one night and leave till the morning and then are glad you hadn't sent... i hope that's how you feel as you don't need the extra stress.  

Good luck     

GGx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

In fact, they may even have a policy/agreed response to email enquiries such as yours.  For speed and efficiency and to be honest, what else could she tell you? I don't see it as unprofessional but can see how it could be seen as cold but they are dealing with a LOT of people and many clinics don't even bother answering that sharpish!

GGx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Everydayisagift

Well, I've just read this thread - obviously varying opinions on this one. I do agree with Caz that on this occasion you should probably let it go now (and you may already have done so as you posted a while ago now).

But....but, even though technically yes, the person _has_ answered your question, and he/she obviously had limited info to give you, I don't think the way way they've replied is acceptable. Whether you are NHS or private, one way or another you are the paying customer and therefore, no matter how busy, stressed or just the fact they're 'having a bad day' is no excuse for poor etiquette and manners. Where is the "hello/good morning" or "unfortunately I don't have any further information I can give you at this present time" and the person hasn't even signed off!

I work at a very busy and large university, and all day I am inundated with emails from everyone and anyone but no matter what mood I'm in or how busy or stressed I am I always remind myself that I need to treat people how I'd like to be treated, therefore with respect and common curtesy and in a professional manner. It doesn't take much to add a few simple polite niceties to an email to make the 'customer' (or on this occasion, the patient) feel valued and individual - not a piece of equipment on a conveyor belt just being passed through a system.

On a side issue, uni fees go up to £9k next year, can you imagine if I sent a short abrupt email like that to one of our students - I can just picture the complaint letters/calls flooding in already! If it wasn't the student complaining it'd be the parents!

Anyway, I'm waffling now lol! But my point is you have every right to receive a polite and informative response, not just a "no, we will call when we know something". Maybe next time it might be helpful to phone and then you'll know for sure whether on this occasion it was 'lost in translation' or whether they just really are rude - in which case there is no excuse!

Anyway, that's my two penneth worth....rant over 

Good luck with everything


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## everydayisagift (May 6, 2012)

Nosilab said:


> Hi Everydayisagift
> 
> Well, I've just read this thread - obviously varying opinions on this one. I do agree with Caz that on this occasion you should probably let it go now (and you may already have done so as you posted a while ago now).
> 
> ...


thankyou for your message

i did let the message go but i am glad you understand were i was coming from


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Absolutely


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