# do u ever feel like he will just go



## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

me and my husband have been together almost 4 years and have been married for just over a year (best day of my life whn i married him  as he is my soulmate)

i love him completely however i have this niggle at the back of my mind saying maybe he will just leave me


as i said in another post i have 2 kids to an idiot (only word to describe him) My H has been with us since my youngest was 5 months old and they dont see the idiot my h brings them up as his own as the idiot wants nothing to do with them anymore he did used to see them once in a while but it all stopped 6 months ago as they didnt fit into his life any more however they have called my H daddy since the youngest could talk 


i know he loves and adores my kids and when anything is said he says they are his kids (some of his family have comented previously on how they arent his he went mad as in every sense of it except bio he sees them as his)

however im so scared that if i cant give him his bio child he will leave to find someone who can

all that goes through my head is that im failing him im not a proper woman and when he married me he wanted the whole hog including a family and hes not getting it as i dont work

he said he never would leave me and if we cant have a baby then so be it we have the kids but i know how much he wants a child and i think at the mo he doesnt feel like all hope is goone hes sure that thr dr will help us and i will be pregnant before the end of the year 

but what if im not will he go then hes a few years older than me and he always said he wanted a baby before he was 30 well hes 30 and doesnt have one so how much longer will he wait

i love this man with all my heart and the idea of him not being here kills me but what happens if the want for a child leads him away from me


does anyone else feel like this or am i the only daft woman


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Oh Bubblicious  ,

IF makes us feel so c**p about ourselves. But so far the news is encouraging. If the problem is ovulation then that is not an insurmountable problem. DH is right, the Dr should be able to help you, and with a bit of luck on your side, you might well be posting good news in the future. The problem with fertility treatment I have discovered is that everything seems to take forever! Because you have conceived in the past, Dr's are reluctant to believe there is anything wrong with you, so you have already overcome that hurdle. Well done! 
Looking back I put a lot of pressure on myself, I wanted a sibling for dd. Firstly I wanted a 2 yr age gap. Each month that past, up until the IVF treatment, so 3 yrs of ttc, that's 36 months the panick in me would rise a little bit further as I realised the age gap was getting bigger and bigger. Now I couldn't give a toss about the age gap, I just hope she has a brother or sister one day!!!
So if there's one piece of advice I can give, it's relax about dh wanting to have a baby by time he is 30. Think how quick he would have to get over you, fall in love, make woman fall in love with him, persuade her to have a baby, try for a baby,etc to make it worth him leaving his soul mate!!! Sounds to me like he would be much better off sticking with his soul mate,and their lovely children, working through these problems, even it it takes a bit longer than he thought, and taking one step at a time together to reach your goal.
Trouble is, you're like me. You jump the gun with a load of "what ifs!!"
He sounds fantastic  by the way! 
I understand your feelings of failure, I have them myself!!
You do have the advantage of time on your hands if you are still in your 20's. Think you are? There will be a few of us jealous of that!!!  
You are not daft, just frustrated, and scared.
We all feel like that at times, you are not alone.
From what I've read of your profile, if I was you I would be optimistic about your chances  .
Now go and give him a cuddle, and tell yourself you can do it!!!
Love Cindersxxx


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

No, you're not the only daft woman! 
I have felt like that for years, my dd is almost 18, my dh has been with us since she was 4, he's the most amazing dad and i  can hear everything that ur dh has said coming from my dh over the years! (dd hasn't had anything to do with biological f since she was 18mnths old, just the way we like it!) 

Who know's? We've been together 13 years, married for 7 and a half, been ttc for 10 or 11 years now.  I've always felt guilty, especially as dh from a big family, but they have all accepted my dd as part of them so i'v been lucky in that sense. (well, we came as a package from the start!)

I expect I will always feel guilty, and to be honest, if my dh did walk away then obviously i'd have to accept it, but I think the main problem is trying not to drive them away.  If you push too hard, for too long, you may end up doing the damage yourself.

Your dh sounds like a honey and if he tells you that it's ok, then you're gonna have to try and accept it. Just so long as he is being realistic and is aware of the likelihood of you having kids together, then he should be straight with you.

Human beings are funny creatures, the male of the species even worse, best thing is just to go with the flow and try not to give him too much of a hard time, easy to say I know!

take care and look after your 2 littl'uns - they're the most important thing to remember here!!!
luv sam xxx


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## xx kath s xx (Jul 28, 2007)

Bubblicious you are not alone,

I feel exactly the same as you do and it sounds to me like we are similar ages, i have some diff problems conceiving than you do.... I have been with my husband for 4 years and got married Oct 2006.

I feel useless, and am scared all the time that he will leave me and have a child with someone else, the thought makes me feel sick, it got to the point a little while ago that i was having nightmares about it, if you ever fancy a chat message me, please don't forget YOU ARE NOT ALONE 

Kath xx


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