# Scared confused and in turmoil



## Blueestone (Feb 28, 2015)

Hi all

I'm just looking to of load really... I'm so confused as to what to do next. 

As u can see from my sig I have a dd already and have had 2 IVF with bfn ... Now I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I have a follow up consultation at the end of the month. I'm debating going again but else where as london is too far. Or stopping altogether or having double donor...

The thought of double donor doesn't faze me - I know I'd love the child as much as my dd... The thought of my eggs actually scares me- why if I'm too old... What if it was disabled because I selfishly presued my own eggs? Do I only produce a few because they're faulty and the child may be ill or autistic etc....

Can I put my self through this whole thing again ( and I be its only twice I've done it and many have you have had the strength for many more cycles and you are Heroes)....

It's hard even doing this bit alone as no one to truly  bounce ideas off...I wil come to a conclusion but ultimately I'm scared. Scared of the wrong choice... Scared of failure... Scared of autism... Scared of family not understanding the need regardless of the way of having a 2nd child....

It's rocking the boat.....

Sorry for waffling...


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## pdk (Oct 29, 2013)

Not sure whether my advice is of any help. But I have seen here several over 40s success here, i.e why i keep coming back to this forum to get inspired.
You can try PGS if you are scared. 
Also there are tests like harmony and panorama as early as 10, 9 weeks.


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## patbaz (May 21, 2010)

Aww bluestone huni. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I have no words of wisdom for you as such but I'm a firm believer in following your heart. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you feel the need to continue this journey then you must do so or you may regret it later. As for having a child with some sort of illness or special need all I can say is that a friend of mine had her first child at 29 and she was born with Down's syndrome so I really don't think that your age should deter you as it can happen to young women too. I'm sending you virtual hugs xx


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## Talkingfrog (Apr 17, 2014)

Sorry to hear how  you  are feeling.  I can understand  some of them myself.  Our  first icsi gave us our dd now 4.5. I was 36 when we started  treatment,  37 when born .

We would  love her to have a sibling. We had one cycle Just under two years ago and a second  last September.  Our fertilisation  rate has always been quite  good but  the last  of those cycles gave us a 100% fertilisation. There were a  few less embies,  but as well having two  good  grade blasts put back we had a frostie.  We have never had a frostie  before.  Not sure if having  some acupuncture  or taking omega 3 (I don't  eat any seafood ) made a difference but despite being older quality  seemed better. Still resulted in a bfn but following  blood tests next week hope  to transfer  soon. (Would have been sooner but my thyroid  dicided otherwise )

When talking  to family, although  supportive, and concerned for my welfare  I  know from innocently  made comments that my mum does not understand the need i have for a sibling. 

We agonised over whether  to have amother go last year and are glad that we did because  there were a number if what ifs after the first.  If it had not been  for the frostie  we would have called it a day, due to the cost, our ages(I will be 43 in Oct and dd was 45 last week)  and the roller coster  of emotions.  I can't  though  tell the clinic  to discard the frostie  which  may be the one.  

Not sure  where  you are based in terms  of  which  clinic,  but it has to be one you feel  comfortable with. 

Good luck  in your  decision  making (I know  how  agonising it is trying to make the right choice ) and for your  cycle  if you  decide  to have  another go.


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Hi, I agree with *pdk*. If you scared, think on PGS, that is recommended to couples also when the age of the lady is over 35 years. The procedure is more expensive, but if you are open, you can consider doing it abroad, eg in Czech or Poland. Visit the internantional boards on this forum, there is tons of info. Czech and Polish clinics offer good service, good treatment and affordable prices. I have just read that a clinic in Gdansk has been accredited by UK NEQAS , that means a clinic performs PGS /NGS at the highest level. Anyway, I would encourage you to do as much research as possible in your decision making and consider all possible options. Good luck


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