# New surrogate, can anyone help me with how to handle the financial side?



## Blueberries (Aug 13, 2013)

Hi everyone

I apologise if people are fed up of hearing this but I have trawled through the forums to find some answers but without much luck. 

If all goes well with my testing I will have a DFET this side of Christmas.  I'm really excited about it and can't stop visualising the look on the IP face when that special day actually arrives.  However, we are almost at the stage of discussing the financial side of things and I'm absolutely dreading it!  Does anyone have a copy of a draft agreement that they've used?  Just so I can have a nosy?  And how do you approach the subject of how much money you feel you would like?  What is reasonable?  I am not naïve to think that anyone would expect a surrogate to do this without there being a financial element but I also don't want to appear/feel that I'm doing it purely for that.  As excited as I am about the whole process, it's tainted at the moment until we get over this hurdle.  I know the psychologist said this would be the most difficult bit and she was right!

If anyone has been through it and can help me, I would greatly appreciate it.  Also, in terms of the parental order, what do I need to be able to provide/justify etc.  Someone who has done this would be useful 

Just for info, I'm an independent surrogate, I'm not registered with COTS or Surrogacy UK.

Many thanks


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## surrogate013 (Jul 18, 2013)

Hi everyone is different, and all surrogacy's are different. Personally me and my IPs are keeping money out of this one as we feel it would ruin the friendship. If anything is needed for the baby (vitimins etc) my IP's will buy it but doing it for money didn't sit right with me. On the contrast some people hate uncompensated surrogacy and say they would feel used, so everyone is different.  I guess choose an amount you feel comfortable with taking into account how much earnings will be lost expenses and changes to your life emotionally that you feel you be compensated for. Sorry if that wasn't much help.  I do think what your doing is great and i am sure your IP's won't think you are in it for the money. Good luck in your journey and i hope some more experienced surrogates can be of more help.


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

You need to be very careful as it is illegal in the UK to be paid to be a surrogate.

You are allowed to claim 'reasonable expenses' but no more than that as the courts look very closely at any money that has exchanged hands when the Parental Order goes through.

We agreed to pay our surrogate £11k in total - £550 per month from confirmation of pregnancy to cover all her costs (maternity clothes, necessary food, vitamins, etc.) and the remainder when the Parental Order was to go through by way of compensation for the ordeal of birth/caesarean, etc.

We also paid any fees required for screening tests, etc., and all legal fees, insurance fees, etc.

I really appreciated it that my surrogate and I could talk freely about the money side of things.  I didn't want her to feel awkward at all asking me for stuff and she didn't want to feel that she couldn't ask for what she needed.  We were upfront and honest with each other from the outset so there was absolutely no awkwardness at all. 

As it transpired, we didn't go through with it all as I ended up falling pregnant naturally just as we were due to start but we had everything cleared up and out of the way long before we ever got to the embryo transfer stage anyway. 

With the parental order, you need to provide as many receipts as possible for anything you buy, so my suggestion would be for you and your IP's to keep anything related at all to all of this, even so far as including grocery shopping receipts (if you are required to have a special diet).  That way it will be a lot easier for the Parental Order to go through. 

As far as I know, it is free for surrogates to register with COTS/SUK so it may well be worth enquiring of them, even if you are matched privately.  There is also a LOT of information online through google which should be able to help you.


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## Blueberries (Aug 13, 2013)

Thanks for the replies and congratulations MandyPandy!!  So lovely to hear of something nice like that happening, I bet you're over the moon  

I know and appreciate that commercial surrogacy is illegal and I think you are a saint Surrogate013 for not taking anything other than specific costs!

Good luck to both of you x


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

If it is of any reassurance, it is not actually illegal (as in breaking the law or committing an offence) to pay a surrogate in the UK. The way this works is that when the intended parents apply for a parental order after the child is born, the family court has to decide whether they have paid 'reasonable expenses'. There is no definition of what this means so it is up to the individual judge and court reporter to decide. In practice, some people just pay out of pocket costs and itemise everything; others agree a lump sum (COTS often suggest £15,000 plus expenses, which incorporates an inconvenience fee) and the courts have apparently accepted both as being reasonable.

The worst case scenario is that the court decides that more than reasonable expenses has been paid. That would have no come-back for you as a surrogate but it would mean that your intended parents would have to ask the court to 'authorise' the payment. We have dealt with dozens of cases in which commercial payments have been authorised and the court applies the principle that the child's welfare is paramount so in practice always does authorise payments of more than expenses.

That's a roundabout way of saying that the court will make a parental order no matter what is paid! However, you risk a more complex legal process for your IPs if you pay an amount which is not reasonable expenses.

I hope that at least gives some clarity on how the legal side works. Apart from that, it's really a question of you agreeing what you and your IPs think is reasonable and fair, and I know these can be tricky discussions. You might find this info here helpful: http://www.brilliantbeginnings.co.uk/surrogates/fees-and-reimbursement

Best wishes

Natalie


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## Blueberries (Aug 13, 2013)

Hi Natalie

Many many thanks for that, it puts my mind at rest.  I've had a few sleepless nights worrying about doing the right thing!

Thanks again


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## kaosfusion (Oct 24, 2011)

Exciting times!  

We originally decided on lumpsums after x number of weeks with our surrogate to cover all the things that the pregnancy was leaving her out of pocket with but after the first payment I decided that it was much easier for us as IPs to imagine this was like a 'childcare' payment and pay her weekly in arrears (that way each week the pregnancy progressing she gets the sum) this set figure continues until 40weeks (regardless when the babies arrived) this covered all she needs with regards to all the extra food, clothes, appointments etc etc that happen during the pregnancy.

We are both very happy with this arrangement because it doesn't feel like we are paying for the baby we are paying her to look after our twins until they are born.

Good luck with whatever you decide!


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

1stimeSurro said:


> Hi Natalie
> 
> Many many thanks for that, it puts my mind at rest. I've had a few sleepless nights worrying about doing the right thing!
> 
> Thanks again


No problem - it's such a shame the law isn't clearer. I think pretty much everyone worries about this, no matter how much they are paying/ receiving.

Best of luck with your surrogacy - such an amazing thing to do.

Natalie


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