# Things people say!!!!!



## sofib (Jun 29, 2010)

I couldn't find the current board for this, but just needed to share. I just caught up with an old friend on the phone. When I told her about being halfway through an IVF cycle, and that almost nobody else knew, AND having listened to about an hour of her ups and downs, she came out with:

"Oh, God, you never do things the simple way do you? always gotta be complicated..."

WTF?

Hmph, thanks for reading, feel a bit better now.


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

As if you would put yourself through IVF if you had the choice  
Some people just make me laugh in how they can be so inconsiderate but not realise it half the time.
Good luck with the cycle.


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## KW33 (Apr 10, 2006)




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## Deb69Marshy (Jul 23, 2010)

friends       wish people thought about what they are going to say before it actually comes out of their mouths


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## Guest (Jul 30, 2010)

During my last IVF I was talking to my Mum about how it as going and she said 'Oh well, if it doesn't work you'll just have to try and get pregnant the natural way' WTF!!!!!!


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## Deb69Marshy (Jul 23, 2010)

parents just don't understand but   aren't they.
PS how do you put those calender things on??


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## Faith2011 (Jan 7, 2010)

I've made a point of only telling friends I think will be 100% positive.  We do not need the extra stress of dealing with that type of comment.   


x


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## Flossy112 (May 17, 2010)

OMG - how did you not explode  

People are funny - how do they think those comments will help!  After our first ectopic a friend said to me 'are you upset?' WTF, we've been ttc for 18 months, thought we'd cracked it - upset, no I'm about to skip over to the shops and buy a cake


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## helenlouisey (Sep 23, 2009)

I have to say it has amazed me as well the things that people have said to me when I've told them about our troubles conceiving, I'm now at the stage where I just don't tell people because 9 time out of 10 they say something that makes me feel worse and I just wish I'd never told them. It's really sad isn't it, but people just don't think and they really don't understand.


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## Georginaa (Jul 1, 2009)

Some people just do not understand do they!!   

When I had miscarriage I remember telling someone and they said was you upset? I thought ahhh little do you know after all we have been thought to say I was upset is a total understatement!!


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Its a difficult call because if we never express how difficult it is, then we never educate people, so therefore they continue with the stupid remarks.  I have come across several people who have known others in out situation and generally speaking they are more understanding.


I never forget what my mil said to me.  I had just come home from hosp after having an ectopic pg, i was obviously still in some pain after having an laperoscopy and also in a lot of emotional turmoil.  My mil asked if i was bored!   i guess because i appeared a little off colour!! funny that.


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## sofib (Jun 29, 2010)

Shocking isn't it! and from the closer people too.
Shemonkey, that made me laugh out loud. Not because it is funny, it's really not at all, but because it is truly amazing how people just don't think.
lovely happy wishes to everyone...
xx


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## greasygemini (Apr 21, 2010)

I think having kids through this way is a very personal choice and a very personal decision, if you tell people people wont understand, some will judge, some will disapprove, some will not understand, the pain you have to go through is a very personal pain and a personal heartache that no one will understand except you yourself and something you cannot share except with your husband, nobody knows what you are going through except for you and your husband thats all you need really


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## Kerry Crabtree (Feb 19, 2007)

i remember telling a friend that the chances of sucess were about 1 in 5 to which she said oh well thats the same as getting pg the natural way- she couldnt seem to get that with the natural way you can just keep at it but that my one attempt would cost me £7500


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## redpixie (Jul 22, 2010)

I´ve lost count of how many times people have said to me " it´ll happen when you stop trying "
WTF . . .  !!!!!!


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi

There's some similar threads on the Negative Cycle board... http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=42.0

I know what you mean though, over the years I've had so many ridiculous comments. I've been told that endometriosis is a "careers womans disease" ...this from a good (female!) friend....yeah, may be a "career woman" now but does that explain why I had it from age 12 and diagnosed at 19...well before I was on my "career" path ?!

As for ttc......I've been told numerous times that it'll happen when I stop thinking about it and I least expect it....hmmmmm......and then I've also been told that perhaps psychologically I'm not prepared and that I'm subconsciously telling myself it won't happen and I don't really want a baby (by the way I'm a very positive "glass half full" kinda girl !!)....I mean, WTF (and again, these comments from women ?!)

I'm heading quickly for 42, been ttc for over 7 years, been through 6 mths clomid to release more eggs despite ovulating fine on my own, been through 7 IVF/FET cycles and 5 early miscarriages during that time (3 naturally without any help from drugs and 2 through FET)......no, of course I don't really want a baby !


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## Lully77 (Apr 11, 2008)

... and then when you've been successful with IVF they insist on telling you that now it will happen naturally as 'your body knows what to do now you've had one baby'! 

Still got only one ovary and completely knackered tubes though, haven't I??    

Honestly!


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## Georginaa (Jul 1, 2009)

Following a BFN, an Aunty had said 'Well why isnt is working, there must be something wrong wit you'   

My Sister who has two young children offered to tell another Aunty to said to her 'Good job you have two children otherwise your Mum & Dad wouldnt be Grandparents'   

WTF as if you don't feel bad enough!!!


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## MrsMock (Oct 15, 2009)

Miss PB said:


> I've made a point of only telling friends I think will be 100% positive. We do not need the extra stress of dealing with that type of comment.
> 
> x


Thats the best advice.

Someone said to me the conception is the easy part! I nearly punched her in the face, especaily as it took her all of 2 months to concieve!!

I think some people just don't know what to say and often end up saying things that are inappropriate


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I think that the world of infertility is like a whole different world to most people.  Dont think people mean to be horrid but simply have no idea!  I really belive that unless you have experience it then you really do not have a clue.  It must be a bit like mental health, unless you have had a mental health issue then you really dont understand how dibilitating it is.  My work colleague has manic depression and i can honestly say i had no idea what it was like until i sew what a stuggle life was for him.  He would come to work really happy for weeks on an end and then not be able to get out his car the following day.   Lovely guy but in the end he had to give up work, guess he just could not cope with it.

Personally i am quite open about our stuggle to start a family, but i choose who i really want to confind in.  I try not to let others comments bother me, as i know its not ment to hurt, and wtf can i do about it anyway!  x


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## greasygemini (Apr 21, 2010)

there's really no need to tell anyone, you are only inviting people to comment and nose into your business, what you decide is a very private matter and only between the two of you not you and the world, it should only be shared with your husband/spouse, just an opinion


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

greasygemini said:


> there's really no need to tell anyone, you are only inviting people to comment and nose into your business, what you decide is a very private matter and only between the two of you not you and the world, it should only be shared with your husband/spouse, just an opinion


I appreciate your opinion and that is very much your personal choice but I am not ashamed or embarrassed to let people know what I've been through. I've suffered from endometriosis since the age of 12 (finally diagnosed at 19) and have never felt I shouldn't discuss this, and the same goes for all the IVF, miscarriages and years of trying to conceive.

Family, friends and work colleagues all know what we've been through. Whilst I've had some unwanted comments (as my post above) from a few, that is because they don't understand fully the implications of what they say.....the majority of people I've told are understanding and sympathetic and whilst don't fully comprehend what we've been through, the do try to empathise and don't come out with silly comments....in fact its often them who have got me through some of lowest moments during this rollercoaster and I'm glad I've told them.

Sometimes it's not easy just to have your partner know, they're going through the same emotions as you and quite often it helps to get different perspectives on things....this journey is certainly not an easy road to travel and I personally feel that just keeping it between the 2 of you can put even more pressure on the relationship....a problem shared is a problem halved and all that.

Some people, like yourself, prefer to keep things to themselves, as for me (and I'm sure quite a few others on here), I'm a very open person and am completely honest about everything, preferring to share and discuss things and that's my way of dealing with everything.....like I said, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed so don't feel I should keep it quiet.

Are you having treatment currently or been through it in the past ? 
Good luck on your ttc journey, wherever you are with it  
Take care
Natasha x


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

Natasha, 
I totally agree with you on this one, i've found the more you tell people the more understanding they can be, My friends and family have been fantastic and have wanted to understand, 

People don't understand fertility tx and there are a lot of misconceptions out there, (even I've found from a friend who is a GP) but if you explain to people what is going on and treat genuine misunderstandings as such rather than as deliberate attempts to offend you, life gets much easier, 

Good luck with everyone's treatment, 

Livity x


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

I love this thread,

People are so cruel. I remember my mum saying that I did not really want children anyway! Others also said that i should not get my hopes up with IVF and during the 2WW was advised not to think of it as a baby.

I am now pregnant after 5 attempts and feel v lucky that my turn has happened but will never forgot my pain or struggle in the IVF process.Even know rather than saying congrats first question to those who know my history was - was it IVF? when and where? 

jenny


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2010)

Totally agree Minxy   xxx


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