# Fed up of being asked if I've got kids



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Just that really.  I'm currently at uni retraining and I've been on a couple of clinical placements in the last 6 months.  Each time I meet a new person on the team and spend time with them, they ask me if I've got kids.  I'm so sick of it and it's my most hated question; especially as I'm currently going through a miscarriage following ivf.  I've been asked by everyone in the team I'm in (my supervisor and one other know what's going on) but then tomorrow I'm spending my day with another team so I'm bracing myself for a fresh round of 'have you got kids?' questions.  
As well as being tiresome and being a constant reminder of my infertility, I hate the fact that people think they can ask such a personal question and that they think anyone can have kids if they want to!


----------



## patbaz (May 21, 2010)

Magicpillow huni. I always respond to that question the same way. I would love to have kids but despite trying for 12 years we haven't been blessed. That usually shuts people up!


----------



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

That's a good one.  Yes I'm going to be more honest now as I'm sick of it.  Might make people think!


----------



## Loulou4- (Sep 18, 2014)

Magic, sorry to read about your miscarriage. I also hate the questions and although I'm tempted to give an honest reply to shut people up I also just think it's none of their business.! I would never be so nosey especially now I know the pain and struggle of infertility.. A small consolation but going through all this brings compassion that others obviously lack. 

Your right as well it's the assumption by people that it really is that simple and if we have no children then that must be a lifestyle choice! ..

Xx


----------



## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

I hate that question   I often get asked if I have kids or plan to have any, really bugs me   sometimes I reply "No but I've had a few mcs"   they must want the ground to swallow them up.

It shuts people up  

Xx


----------



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

It's a difficult one really, as I don't personally think it's people being nosey, sometimes and especially when starting conversations with new people, it can just be part of trying to get to know people better.

I have just started a new job and there has been questions amongst everyone like, are you married, have a partner or children, do you live locally?

It's about how you deal with it and I can't believe that anyone here has never asked someone this question, as I know I did.  Ten years ago I was completely clueless about infertility and never knew anyone who had struggled.

Obviously what you are going through now, is a terrible thing, so you have every right to feel the way you do, as it's the last thing you want to hear.

When I was asked, I was honest and just said that we would love children, but sadly hadn't been blessed yet.  99% of people were very nice about it.

Take care.

X


----------



## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

I found that, most of the time, the feelings I had when someone asked if I had kids, was my own judgment of myself, that somehow I was worth less because I didn't. Once I faced the grief and learned to be more kind to myself, it was a LOT easier to handle those questions. In fact, if the time is right,  I trust/respect the person, and i genuinely believe they are trying to get to know me, i do share the truth (e.g. We can't have kids). I only ever do that when I feel in a good place and can model the acceptance, empathy and gentle curiosity I want to see in others. In that case, I see it as a form of promotion/education about infertility, which is so often a silent and hidden shame. It turns the control back over to me and also delivers what they were intending (e.g. To get to know me).

That said, I get asked about my accent by Every Single Person I meet (and I meet a sick amount of people for my job), so I am very experienced with the frustration that comes from people relying on the same conversational tool (seriously, I'm pretty sure there are around 100,000 people in the UK who know why I am here and where I am 'from'). I have eventually transcended frustration to sublime amusement and, in some ways, a bit of gratitude that my accent helps others to talk with me.

I hope you also transcend in time ;-)


----------

