# i want to scream!!!



## kelle28uk (Jan 8, 2012)

I'm bottling so many emotions up right now, babies everywhere and not mine, all I want in life is to be a mummy!
I cry a lot when I'm on my own as I find it difficult to cry infront of anyone. Even my oh doesn't see me cry much. Holding my new great nephew the other day I could see the hurt in my oh eyes, he wants so badly to b a daddy and knows how much I want to be a mummy. I just need someone to talk to who understands, friends don't understand they can't no one can unless they have to go thru it "(
Just need a friend right now feel so down and alone "(


----------



## Carito3005 (Aug 8, 2011)

Hi Kelle, you're far from being alone. It's very hard, when you crave being a mom more than nothing else in the world and is not happening, meanwhile everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant so easily! Like this girlfriend of mine pregnant with triplets naturally! At the age of 41! Now, if it helps, This is how I cope with infertility:
1. DH and I have made the decision early on that we're going to have a family, whatever it takes. IVF, DEIVF, surrogacy, adoption? It's a journey, a long one, but we know we'll get there at some point. This helps tremendously when one door closes. Yes there are tears and moving from one point to the next is not easy, but once we moved, we embraced it with renewed hope.
2. Babies everywhere, I see them because my mind is programmed to see the things I crave. If I was looking for a job I would notice that everyone seems to have good jobs. If I was hungry, I'd see food everywhere. Yes, there are lots of friends having babies but no more than before for a similar age group (probably less!).
3. We have to do the best in life with the cards I've been dealt with. I was given endometriosis and infertility, but on the other hand I'm blessed with the best husband in the world, the best parents, the best family. I'm smart and otherwise generally healthy. Other people may be able to have babies but have other problems. Even others can't have children and have even tougher problems on top.
4. Sometimes I also want to scream and cry my outs out, I do it in the shower or in bed. After a while I get sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm not that type of person, I'm positive and I always remember #1 above, we'll get there (eventually)!
I hope this helps.
Have a nice day!
Carito


----------



## sunnyp (Jun 10, 2011)

HI Kelle i know how you feel but you need to keep your strength up as this can be a very very long and tough journey.  My history shows that it can work and i am here to help in anyway I can


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

(holds hands with kelle) yeah. me too.


----------



## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi kelle,

Sorry you are feeling this way but you are not alone hun   You are right no-one understands unless they have been here...I joined here when I was at rock bottom and I find speaking to people who understand and helping and advising each other is just amazing and helps you feel less alone in a world surrounded by babies and pregnant women (I most definately feel this too!!)

Big   and lots of love to you xxx


----------



## cookies81 (Aug 24, 2009)

Kelly   scream yell cry get it all out then pick yourself up and focus on the goal a family!  yes everyone is either a new parent pregnant or overly fertile but none of them have your baby, your baby is waiting for you and will come to you when the time is right by any means possible you will get there believe it in your heart that your are meant to be a mum if you weren't you wouldn't be fighting so hard for your baby


----------



## kelle28uk (Jan 8, 2012)

Thank u so much for Ur lovely supportive messages, means a lot  to u all xxxxxx


----------



## KateP1 (Oct 20, 2007)

It is so so hard and I remember feeling that no sooner had we got over one hurdle then we were faced with another pregnant friend.. or someone asking us when we were going to have a baby - or even worse  - telling us to get on with it! As my history shows we got there in the end via ED. As has already been said, you should make time to do things with your OH that remind you how lucky you are with each other and try to keep up the momentum of knowing what your next step is going to be in the tx cycles. As someone who has had to look at that dark place where I thought I would never be a mum, now I parent my son with so much happiness and I enjoy and cherish every second I have with him - when that happens to you - you will be the most amazing mum and you will never take it for granted as those who haven't been on this journey do..
Good luck
Kx


----------



## kelle28uk (Jan 8, 2012)

Thank u Kate that's lovely xxx


----------

