# newbie



## jaks (Aug 11, 2008)

hi i,m just looking for some help and advice at minute

i have just gone through another failed ivf and we are looking into surrogacy we have some frosties left and my dh sister has said she will help us i,m looking for any help or advice on the cost and the time length,s from start to finish....xxx

jaks


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi
I am sorry you have had another failed IVF .
hat a wonderful SIL you have , you need to find a clinic that does surrogacy, and then you will need to have counselling, once they are happy that they have gone through everything, and are happy to treat you, it can take a couple of months.

You need to contact them and ask about times really.

Good Luck, I hope you dream comes true very soon 

love Jo
x x x


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

Hi Jaks,

So sorry about your IVF - I hope you're not feeling too terrible. 

It's great that you've got the option of going down the surrogacy route - how lovely of your SIL to offer to help.  Obviously, it's a complicated business so, even though I expect you'll be keen as anything to get going, from my experience I think you'll find that spending a few months getting your head around it all before you start would be a good investment. 

Before you go for treatment, you'd need to think through some "what ifs".  Here's a little selection to start you off

- what if you don't get lucky with IVF first time - how many attempts will you have?
- what if your SIL can't resist a drink or a cigarette during pregnancy?  Or you find yourself getting all paranoid about what she eats and make a nuisance of yourself (it's easily done!!!)
- what if the standard tests during pregnancy show up an anomaly?  Will you have further tests?  What if they tell you that the child is likely to be disabled - what would you do?
- what if your SIL became ill during pregnancy and couldn't work?  Would you be able to reimburse her for any loss of earnings? How will you cover her other pregnancy expenses, like time off and travel for treatment, help around the house when she's heavily pregnant, maternity clothes etc etc

And that's just for starters.  I'm sorry if this makes me sound like I'm putting up barriers or being an old moan - it's not that at all.  I think surrogacy is just an amazing, enriching, wonderful experience, and I'm incredibly lucky that my baby's arriving in 7 weeks thanks to my friend!  It's just that it takes a bit of thinking through to make it all of these wonderful things come true.  

I'd recommend having a browse through some of the surrogacy websites to read about other people's experiences and some questions which other newbies have asked in the past - and encourage your sister in law to do the same.  I'm a member of surrogacy uk -www.surrogacyuk.org which is as good a place as any to start.  

And really good luck to you both!

FX

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