# BFN Oct - Dec 2014



## itsonlybridge

Hi Ladies

Thought I'd start this thread for those of us who didn't acheive our BFP this time for cyles Oct - Dec 2014

It is a traumatic process to go through and as a lot of us have found,  having ladies on here to talk to who are going through the same thing really does help. So please use this thread to vent and chat to other people in the same position.


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## Charmars

Well I find myself on this thread with a heave heart.

But we are fighters and we will all get through together and plan our next cycles no doubt!!!


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## foxglove

No more cycles for me planned. Am 40 next year and not sure my body will take another go. Am hoping that perhaps my blocked tubes will miraculously become unblocked, scarring to disappear and ovaries to be polycystic free? What do you reckon the chances are   x


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## itsonlybridge

*Charmars* We are all in this together taking the good with the bad and the ugly until we get our BFP's .. stay strong hun  xx


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## itsonlybridge

*Foxglove* There are many ladies on here still trying beyond 40 so don't let age become a barrier for you. If you do decide that you have come to the end of this journey, at least you have 1 little miracle which is wonderful


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## Katy_81

Hello ladies
Nice to have somewhere to hang out in between treatments. I've felt a bit lost since my chemical but looking forward to my next FET in February/march time. 
This process really consumes you. I'm finding it really difficult adjusting back to normal life. I feel I've lost interest in some aspects of my life but I wonder if the pain of a failed cycle is still a bit raw and I just need time.  The positive thing to come out of this is finding such wonderful ladies to share the highs and lows with. For that I feel privileged.


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## Katy_81

Charmers - just noticed you have 4 frosties! How many are you going up transfer next time round? I think we are going with two to give us a better chance. And who knows? Twins perhaps? That would be amazing!


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## Ames xxx

Hi all. Really sorry about all our BFN's. 

I had mine on Monday and it has been a long and hard week. So emotional still. It's on and off. Just had a heavy bleed which is still ongoing.... sorry if tmi. 

Just found out a close family member is pregnant. Great timing. But as usual it's putting on the face and acting all happy and excited for them when wishing it was me and my hub's. She didn't know about our ivf which makes things easier as I dread the look of pity from those who do know and fall pregnant.

Hoping we all get our BFPs some day soon xx


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## Trigger38

Big   it's so hard and only here can people understand x big


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## Ninney

Hi All, 
I thought i would say hello.  Had our 2nd unsuccessful cycle in Sept, tested mid Oct.  Waiting for a review appointment mid-December and back on that cycle again in the New Year. 
I couldn't wait to get back on it after the first time and felt really positive.  This time I'm dreading it... 
It's tough putting yourself in the position where your heart may break again, but got to keep trying, hopefully be worth it. I would love to be a mum. xx


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## SweetPea2707

Hi everyone,

So sad to be on this thread but you ladies know exactly how I feel. Bfn today and it's been such an emotionally draining day! I'm sure it's not the last hard day either. Not sure what happens next, I had to send a letter back to the clinic today ticking the negative box which wasn't nice. I think we just wait now on a follow up appointment to see what happens now. I think our clinic make you wait 3 months before we can try again. Is that the same for you all??

Hope you are all doing ok, this process is so hard.

X


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## Ames xxx

Ninney - so sorry for your 2nd BFN. I wish you all the luck in the world for number 3.

I am the opposite to you I have had my first cycle and with no frosties I am dreading starting my 2nd. My DH thankfully didn't want to start the 2nd straight away (I must have been worse than I thought with the moods...whoops ) so I am hoping for a couple of months break before starting again. I found the most draining bit was the 2ww. I am dreading that part again. 

Thankfully I was very lucky and did not have many side effects during down reg and stimms and the egg collection was no problem for me however the 2ww I was up and down like a yo yo and mentally drained.

Sending you lots of luck and good wishes to you xxx

Sweet pea - I was in your position on Monday and it's horrible. I am thinking of you and sending   your way. I am not sure of how long I have to wait as haven't heard from the clinic yet some people say 1 month others 3 I think it depends on where your from xxx


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## SweetPea2707

Thanks Ames, sending   right back to you! It's a horrible end for everyone after everything we have put out minds and body through but trying to stay positive for a second cycle xx


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## Charmars

Sweetpea - I was told we have to wait 'a couple' of cycles before trying again.

I had a melt down last night, we went out to watch the Christmas lights being switched on with some family and friends. We ended up at a pub, I felt emotional but just thought id get on with it. Got home and just completely broke down. I even begged my DH not to leave me if I can't give him a child. Poor DH was so upset that I'd even think that.

Tmi warning - AF has kinda arrived, but it's very come and go and very dark brown blood. Anyone else had the same


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## foxglove

I have. Ow got terrible thrush I think.... V v sore down there. Not sure if is was the pressurise or maybe just the hormones. Not sure wether to wait and see if it goes down or treat it x


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## Ames xxx

Hi Charmers... I read your post and  .. It's strange how you feel ok one minute then the next It's downhill....guess it's the hormones aswel.  

Silly as it sounds you probably done the right thing by opening up to your DH, even if it was a meltdown. I am a very stubborn and try to deal with things myself but I am learning to open up to DH more and it is ok to breakdown and let them know what your feeling. My DH is the same as me so we are both making an extra effort to speak with each other and not just bottle Everything up. 

My first 2 days were brown blood then it lead to a heavy bright red bleed with bits in (oh dear....its not what people want to hear is it..) but just being honest. I had quite bad cramp where my pubic bone is which I don't usually get aswel. I am just waiting to get this part over with cos I feel once it's over that's the whole failed cycle over...... if that makes sense.

Sending you my thoughts and hoping you are feeling abit better today xxx


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## itsonlybridge

Hello everyone, sorry that we are all meeting here under these circumstances but nice to have a place to come and unburden ourselves amongst ladies who understand.

I had my BFN on Thursday and feel I'm slowly coming to terms with it. Had a very spaced out day Friday but feeling slightly more positive today and trying to think ahead to the next cycle and focus a bit on Xmas. 

Had our review appointment come through the post today along with a copy of a letter they have sent to my GP to confirm that we had a negative cycle and that we have now been removed from the NHS waiting list as one cycle is concluded. That upset me and it has been playing on my mind because it's just seems so unfair that our area will only fund 1 NHS cycle yet other areas will fund 3 cycles. The NICE recommend all women should be funded for 3 cycles but apparently it is down to the individual areas. 

We also had no frosties this time although 9 fertilised and seemed to be doing really well all the way through. This has made us wonder whether they just decided not to freeze the others with it being an NHS cycle, maybe a sceptical view but it does make you wonder as they were very evasive when we asked what happened to the others. What's the betting we get some frosties with the next cycle being self funded. Think my current frame of mind is making me see things this way.

Well we are going for a well needed drink later and I am hoping that the hangover will get me through my nieces birthday party tomorrow as there will be a few pregnant ladies and babies around  

Hope you are all bearing up and getting through these first few tough days   Thinking of you all xx


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## Charmars

Itsonlybridget - we were nhs funded and got 4 frosties so shows you can get them when not self funded.

We are lucky in that although we only get 1 funded cycle, if there are frosties we can use them for free until we fall pregnantor the frosties run out

Will you be in a position to pay for a cycle yourself??

I'm going to pay privately for some tests to make sure there isn't something we don't know about that's stopping us getting pregnant. 

Xx


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## itsonlybridge

Charmers maybe I'm being over sensitive then if you were NHS funded too.. Just me feeling life is unfair at the moment and clutching at everything I guess  

We can't really afford to fund a cycle but we are going to put it on a credit card because we really want another chance at this and we know with my age that time not on our side. We will ttc naturally in the meantime so you never know. 

Who knew how mad this IVF rollercoaster would be !!


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## Charmars

Wouldn't it be amazing if we fell pg naturally next month! 

Sometimes miracles happen 

Determined x


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## Katy_81

With you there Charmers. Miracles can and do happen! I'm not sure it would be possible for us though as DP had chemo treatment previously and latest analysis showed only 7 little wrigglers. We were actually quite shocked there were some as we'd always thought it was 0. Still 7 when it's supposed to be in the millions ...we would definitely need a miracle!  still gonna give it a go 

Can't believe you ladies only get one funded cycle.  it should be the same across the country for all. The postcode lottery thing is just rubbish


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## Ninney

Hello all
I have to wait 3 bleeds before trying again with my clinic.  They send out a review letter,  once you get that you can book in day 1 of 3rd period. Of course it takes ages for the letter to come.  I have a short 24 day cycle so have missed it this month.  Think I would have to wait anyway as the clinic closes for a couple of weeks over Christmas. 
Charmers-after my first bfn I just had the brown stuff, heavy and not red at all. 2 weeks later I got af again on a surprise visit. Again brown. I rang the nurse who said to test again,  it takes a while for the stims to leave your body, increased chance of natural pregnancy afterwards. But wasn't that lucky.
I had a bit of a meltdown but kinda in public.  We were going for lunch with friends and their friends.  Suddenly I got frightened that I could not cope with the dreaded 'When will you start a family' questions.  Tears started and I had to get outta there! 
Oh well. My friends understand (well try to)
Be kind to yourselves ladies. You are doing brilliantly,  its ok to loose it sometimes, forgive yourselves xx


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## Charmars

Katy - we had a miracle of sorts - my DH had a brain tumor so we froze sperm as the tumor could deplete his SC. After the op they tested him and he had zero swimmers. On the day of ET they got him to do fresh sample just in case and he actually had swimmers!! Might of been a one off but gives us hope!

I'm calling the clinic tomorrow to book our review and will then see when we get our next cycle booked for.

Hope everyone is coping ok. Xxxx


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## itsonlybridge

Determined indeed Charmars and what a wonderful start to the new year if we did all get pregnant naturally   You never know. Our review appointment is 10th December so we are going to ask the question about the 1 funded cycle and see if there are any other options.

Oh btw I had brown bleed for a day then the day after I stopped the press aires it turned into full on af, dark red with clots and then turned bright red.

Had my first proper drink last night and feel absolutely awful today, although it helped me through my nieces Birthday party this morning!  I think I'm going to cut right down on alcohol now. Won't do me any harm, can't be doing with hangovers! I am going to start Shaun T's insanity fitness DVD next week to shed this weight I've out on ready for the Xmas indulge! Hopefully that will help my body and mind grow strong.

Right I have a pile of ironing to the ceiling so I'd better crack on with that whilst catching up on Emmerdale  

Hope you are all relaxing today xx


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## itsonlybridge

Ladies I have just found this link with regard to the postcode lottery on NHS funded IVF cycles. There are letter templates that can be downloaded if anyone wants to send them to your MP to lobby for the NICE guidelines to be implemented so that all women (who are eligible) can receive the recommended 3 NHS funded cycles xx

http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/nhs_funding_2

/links


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## milliekinillie

Hi everyone.... Can I come drown my sorrows with you guys?..... I got my BFN this morning. Heartbroken, gutted and deflated. Am so tired of this process.... Still not ready to give up yet tho! 

I feel so so sad  

Next time round well go donor eggs I think... Young and fresh.... I just want a baby now genetics don't matter anymore. I hope all u girls are holding up?


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## Jomojo

Hi ladies. Hope you don't mind if I join. I got my bfn last week following our first round of ivf. We are scheduled in for a follow up appointment end of December and are pencilled in for another attempt in February. We have no frosties so it will be another fresh cycle. 

I found the physical side of the cycle absolutely fine. I was not however prepared for the emotional side of it- it is so draining! 

I've had a week of eating junk food but I now feel ready to start thinking about preparing myself for the next cycle. At least Christmas will be a bit of a distraction but it makes me feel sad that yet another christmas will pass by with no baby or bump!

 to everyone. Xx


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## itsonlybridge

MillieKinillie and Jomojo welcome to the 'Determined' thread  

I think we are agreed that this rollercoaster is very draining emotionally. DH and I have today been discussing our plan B and although we will probably end up paying for our next cycle, I am going to try and appeal to get another NHS funded cycle. I've always paid my NI and never really needed anything on the NHS other than the odd filling at the dentist so I don't think it's too much to ask for the same amount of NHS funded cycles that ladies in other areas are offered. I doubt it will be accepted but I need to try.

Meanwhile my ironing pile is still waiting as I keep putting it off


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## Samdog

Hello can I join this thread? Had my 3rd cycle and got bfn on Wednesday. Was fine utopia I became a. Blubbering wreck last night. Got that out of my system so onwards and upwards and ready for a new to in feb. It's so bloody frustrating! Don't mind the journey so long as we get something to love at the end.

I like the idea of appealing for another ivf cycle! We only got one free go and 3 miles away you can get 2. It is not fair. Everyone should get the same.


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## itsonlybridge

*Samdog* I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, we all understand how frustrating and devestating it is.

I have my review appointment next Wednesday so we've decided we will speak to the clinic first and ask if they are able to appeal our individual case on our behalf and go from there. If not I shall be firing off some letters myself. I'm sure it won't change anything anytime soon, but the more of us bombard the CCG and local MP's the less they can ignore the issue. This postcode lottery is ridiculous 

*Charmars* Hope you are ok hun xx

AFM Had a very strange weekend trying hard not to keep getting upset which was difficult as we had our 5 year old neices party on Sunday and there were a couple of new borns and a pregnant lady there which really didn't help, but it's not their fault and I can't keep getting upset everytime I see someone who is pregnant or just had a baby. Saturday evening we had a drink with some friends and I was drunk very quickly having not had any alcohol for some time. Didn't feel too good at all Sunday morning hence scoffed a maccies breakfast followed by a bacon and runny egg sarnie for lunch!


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## Dolphins

Thank you itsonlybridget for setting up this thread, I considered it, but didn't, I am not sure why, probably because I still didn't want to believe that I got another bfn.   Anyway "hello" itsonlybridget, charmers and anyone else I know from our cycle buddy thread, it's not nice to see you on this thread, but at least we all have a common understanding of each other, and of course "hello" to everyone else on here.

It stinks being on a thread like this and being in this situation, but we can commiserate together.

For the people on this thread who don't know, I failed my fourth cycle of IVF/ICSI on my first FET, a couple of weeks ago now, and I still have my moments of sadness about it all.  I so much want to be pregnant again, after having a premature son last year from my third cycle of IVF/ICSI.

We after think about when we can do another cycle (another fresh one), as I am 40 in February.  If anyone can give me any ideas of what I could do for my 40th, I'll be eternally grateful, as I have no idea at the mo.  I am thinking of going to Centre Parcs with my family, but I don't know.

I have also begun to open my mind now to egg donation, as we our seriously thinking now if the next cycle doesn't work with my eggs, we may then go on to donor, as there are only so much funds that we can put into this, and I don't know how much longer emotionally, I can keep going on with this process and then get a huge disappointment at the end of it.  However, I am having difficulty getting my head around donor at the min. and so is my other half, as I can't yet get used to the thought of my partner fertilising someone else, even though they are not going to be technically sleeping with one another.    Has anyone else on here used donor, or is considering it?  What are your thoughts on it? Thanks. 

Bye for now.

xxx


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## itsonlybridge

Hi *Dolphins*, yes I agree that it is with sadness that we all find ourselves on this thread, but it is good to have a thread to come to where other people fully understand what we are going through and in time we will no doubt pop over to other threads as we all start new cycles etc. It is just a stop gap until our little miracles happen, which we are 'Determined' they will 

I can understand your reservations about using an egg donor and I think it's something you need to think and talk through extensively before making a decision. I'm sure there is a thread somewhere here on egg donor?

I am not having the best of Monday's and still feel quite low although trying hard to keep busy and not dwell. I've decided to book a reflexology session which I have been reading is good for the body and mind and can also 'help' with fertility issues. I have also bought a 'fertility yoga' DVD which I'm going to try out. All of this is more for relaxation purposes than anything and try and find a way to get myself back to feeling 'me' again


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## Samdog

It's only Bridget I will you let me know how you get on with the fertility yoga. 

Am I bad person that I am worried about xmas. My brother (who I love to bits) told us that they were expecting their first baby a few days after we lost our baby. And they are due next week- just after our failure.
I don't want them to find out and want them to feel like we are happy for them (which we are). Hubby is finding it very very hard. 

Am positive about next go but we are having  a meeting about what went wrong. I had merional and got pg (which we lost in April) then had gonal f and had 2 bfn. I wonder if that  would help.

Sorry for rambling on!


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## itsonlybridge

Samdog I will let you know how it goes. I watched a few 'fertility meditation' vids on you tube earlier which were very relaxing. 

I completely understand how you feel about your brother expecting. My younger brother had 2 unplanned children when he was very young and during a period when I'd had 2 m/c. Both of DH brothers have also had 2 children each and all of our friends have had 2 and 3 children in all the time that we have been trying. In fact 2 of my friends were pregnant at the same time as me the very first time, I had m/c and they now have 10 year old children... Whilst we are still here trying! So very frustrating.

We have just ordered an upgraded fertility monitor to help ttc naturally inbetween treatment but with my age it just doesn't seem to be happening naturally for us anymore  

Sounds like it would be worth discussing your meds with the clinic then Hun and voice your thoughts xx


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## Katy_81

Hi ladies 
I had my final blood test at the clinic today. Relieved that my hcg level has finally dropped to 0 so can now move on.  The clinic will be sending out our review appointment this week. They initially said early Feb but we might be able to get in sooner as the clinic say they might be putting on more clinics because they are shutting over the Christmas period. That would be brill. For now I'm just looking forward to Christmas. Hope the rest of you ladies are treating yourselves kindly. X


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## Charmars

Welcome Samdog and Jomojo - hope your both doing ok and coming to terms with your bfn

Itsonlybridget - I'm ok hun. 1st day back at work and I cried! But feel like I'm 'business as usual' now and looking forward to our review appt on 17/12. Hoping to set a date then for our FET. Sorry you were upset at the party on Sunday, how are you now?

Katy - I did post for you in the other thread so hope you saw it hun!

My poor DH is so worried about me. I'm usually so strong but this has knocked me for 6!


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## Katy_81

Charmers - I did get your message, thanks   I know what mean about knocking you for six. This has to be one of the hardest things I've done.  Someone said to me that the first cycle is always hard as you go in with such high hope and expectations that it will work.  However, I do feel a lot more confident about my next attempt. I think that I have learnt a lot from this cycle and that next time I will be a lot stronger and perhaps do some things differently. I spent a lot of time ( naturally) stressing about every little symptom and I don't think that helped me really.  I'm going to try and relax a lot more next time round.  I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a good year


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## itsonlybridge

Morning ladies

*Katy* Good to hear you are feeling back to yourself and looking forward to Xmas. Hope you get the earlier appointment you are hoping for.

*Charmars* I cried on my first day back to work on Friday too, my manager being so nice just set me off. Sunday was hard at the party but I feel that I'm slowly getting back to myself as each day passes though. Feel grateful that don't have a long wait for our review appintment with it being next week and looking forward to having that discussion to see what they have to say. This has really knocked me for six too, got to be one of the worst experiences I've had and like you and Katy say, with it being the first round, we were just full of secret hope when in reality, the more I read, the more I realise that first time IVF is not particularly successful, hence the reason NICE recommend women should be given 3 funded cycles as most women will get pregnant on cycle 2 or 3 on average. Likewise I hope to feel more prepared for next time and try and relax a lot more, particularly during the 2WW which is the most horrendous wait I've ever had!

DH is worried about me too and I am for him to be honest as this has hit him hard. I think he thought it was going to work even more than I did. We are both usually very strong and bounce back from most things but this has been a toughie.

We will get through with each other and the support and of this group which has been so important to me. I don't know what I would have done wihtout you ladies here


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## Samdog

If you and your partner can get through this, you can get through anything. Things can't be much harder that a cycle of ivf.


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## Ames xxx

Hi ladies. 

Totally agree with samdog. If you and DH can get through ivf you can get through anything! I have been with my DH for 10 years and to be honest I have never felt so close to him as I have since starting this journey.  (Sometime with the hormones I didn't alway feel that way but overall  ).

My poor DH was convinced I was pregnant he said he expected the phone call to come through to confirm I was pregnant then we were going to jump in the car straight to mothercare......bless him. We were definitely in the 1st cycle "it's definitely going to happen" bubble.

I am slowly feeling abit more human as it has now been 8 days since BFN. I am finding reading the posts off everybody on here very helpful as I know I am not alone and unfortunately there are people in exactly the same boat as me. It's fab we can provide a little support for each other xxx


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## Diva las vegas

Hello ladies
I've been reading your posts and feel every bit of your grief because we have each experienced the pain so recently and are grieving
This was our 2nd ICSI and we have a frostie this time, should we dare be hopefull?
And do we go natural or medicated
I feel like a FET is another whole new process and therefore we have so much yet to know just like we learnt from the 1st ICSI 
Another minefield to explore before we go for a consultation
Any help or advice would be very much appreciated

Another thing I can't seem to get away from this niggling feeling that this cycle failed because I didn't produce enough progesterone despite taking cyclogist pessaries
I think this because I started to bleed 1 day prior to OTD and I thought the progesterone stopped a bleed from happening again ladies let me know what your thoughts about this are please

I am hungry for all information before we go back to collect our little embryo good luck to you all on the most difficult journeys of your life
Thank you for this wonderful support

Diva xxx


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## itsonlybridge

Samdog and Ames and Diva I completely agree with you, and we feel closer than ever before, we have talked more than we ever have also. We were also in the 'First time IVF cycle its going to happen' bubble. DH even more so I think.

Diva I didn't have any frosties so have no idea about the FET process, but I wish you all the luck in the world with your little frozen embie  

I am still waiting for my new fertility monitor and thermometer/chart and yoga DVD to turn up lol... You know that show Bridezilla, I feel like a ttc-zilla lol   

Hope you are all ok today xx


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## Ames xxx

So....just had a letter through for what I am assuming is my review appointment on 27th Jan 15..... following my BFN and my stomach dropped. Dreading it but not really sure why. Think it's just the thought of the appointments and time off work for them.....The fibbing again where I have a dentist appointment every week  . I know it's a long way off so might be enough time to sort myself out but at the minute I just want to try and forget everything and get christmas over with.

Was anybody a bit dubious about their 2nd cycle? A lot of posts I have read people seem to be really positive and even excited to start again  but I don't feel that way. Wish I did xxx


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## Jomojo

Ames- I'm in two minds about our 2nd cycle. On the one hand I feel excited about having another go and hopefully getting a bfp. However, on the other hand the thought of going through the whole process again fills me with a little dread (especially the 2ww).

I think this time around I am going to try and be more relaxed about it. I am also planning on having more time off work this time. I went back to work at about the time implantation should have been happening and I got so stressed out with work that I could hardly eat or sleep which couldn't hav helped! I think we might book a holiday for the 2ww as well, probably just a holiday cottage in Scotland-will give us something else to focus on and look forward to.

Itsonlybridget- which yoga dvd have you bought? I need to get back into doing yoga, it's just hard to find the motivation in the evening now it's cold and dark. I have one by Mercedes Ngoh which I really enjoy but I wouldn't mind a new one to help get me motivated again.
X


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## Charmars

Hi everyone!

I've not been on here much as trying to move on from our bfn but couldn't stay away for long!

I am looking forward to our 2nd cycle. Learnt a lot from the 1st one and will send try some different things.

Ours will be a FET so I need to read up on that and see if there's anything I can do to help the process.

I'm off to Germany tomorrow for 4 days to do the Xmas market so really liking forward to sampling the local beers!! 

Itsonlybridget - how are you hun?

Katy - are you feeling ok hun?

Ames - I took 2 weeks off after ET and would recommend it!!


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## Ames xxx

Thanks for replies Charmars and jomojo.

I am the opposite to you jomojo I was off work from egg collection and still havnt gone back. Due back next week. I think I might do the opposite next time and try to carry on as normal as I feel I had far too much time to sit and think and think some more  . To be honest I think if your at work or home all we would do is think about it! When you want something so bad and you nearlly there (technically) it's hard for it not to be on your mind. 

I am glad you feel same about your 2nd cycle....I am still mixed emotions but I feel I am soo lucky that I have another chance as some people only get one funded cycle in their area so I am very grateful to get three.

God what we have to go through ladies.....but I am hopeful we will get there in the end xxx


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## Katy_81

Charmers - I'm doing much better thanks. Do you know when your FET is likely to be? Hope we can be FET buddies 

Ames - welcome.  I totally know what you mean about being dubious about going through it all again.  Ivf really does take it's toll on you  physically and emotionally. My next attempt will be an FET so I 'm not as concerned as I would be about a full cycle. To be honest I really want to do it now. I just hate the waiting aspect of Ivf but understand why it's important not to rush . Good luck hun x

Jomjo - fantastic idea going on holiday for the 2ww. I might try that one myself. I spent far too much time sat at home worrying during the 2ww which probably didn't help x


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## Ames xxx

Hi Katy_81 I recognise your user from the regional section.  I have just had my cycle at the centre for life.  Hope all goes well with your FET......best of luck xxx


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## Chriskirsty

Hi ladies 
Can u join your thread just had my second Round if icsi and had my beta done on Wednesday it was only 37 I've had it repeated today and it's gone down to 29 di So I am officially out.the clinic said to expect a early miscarriage  . I'm so sad and devastated I don't no how I'm gonna come to term with this and move forward.. Has any one else experienced this?? We've had such a tough journey I am grateful we made  it this far as our 1st cycle was cancelled due to dh failed mtese... I'm trying to be strong but I'm just inconsolable... I don't understand why it didn't stay with me if it implanted and I'm blaming  myself  
How is everyone else doing?? It's so good to have people to talk to, it can be such a comfort and I hope I help some of you on here aswell... 
Ames I'm from the center for life aswell 
Are u Katy? 
Best wishes for our next rounds ladies. Although I'm the same I'm not looking forward to it at all as now I'm full of so much fear negativity and hurt... 

I feel numb and so down but I just can't give up hope that I'll be a mummy one day xxxx


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## Katy_81

Hi ChrisKirsty 
Yes, I'm at CfL too. I'm so sorry hun. As you can see from my signature I also had an early miscarriage like you.  It is so devastating to get a bfp then be told 2 days later that you are losing your pregnancy.  After being told that I was going to miscarry, it took a further 7 days for the bleed to occur so in that time I was still experiencing pregnancy symptoms. It was so hard to deal with so I understand what you're going through. Please don't blame yourself though. There's literally nothing you could have done to prevent it. Miscarriage is sadly quite common but 85% of women who have them go onto have healthy babies. My mum had a miscarriage before she had me and two of my friends had them. They now have two children each.  Give yourself time to grieve. Have you got some time off work? I went back to work the day after I found out thinking it would be a distraction and I was a mess. It was the worst thing I could have done. I promise you that you will start to feel better in time. Just take it one day at a time.  We are all here for you xxx


----------



## Chriskirsty

Hi Katy81 
Thank you for those comforting words and welcoming me into this thread.. 
Yeah I noticed from your signature u also had a chemical pregnancy.. It's truly the worst I've felt wandering around knowing I'm losing this pregnancy. It's so unfair but it's also a comfort to no it's nothing I did.. Have u had your review at NCL since it happened?? I just wandered what the next steps were or if they think it's worth trying again! Right now a feel like I never wanna do it again but I no I can't give up.. I'm in total bits it hasn't helped the dh has things planned that he can't really get out of this weekend so I'm on my own.. I don't no if this is how u felt but I'm feeling a  huge sense of loss and grief for a baby I never really made let alone met its so hard.. How did u start to come to terms with it?! 
Mrs charmers I spoke to you on the ladies in waiting thread how are u doing??
How is everyone else xxx


----------



## Katy_81

ChrisKirsty - we are waiting for our review to come through. I think they said it would be late January/early February.  In some ways I want to get back on the journey as soon as possible but in other ways I think it would good for us to have a break. We'll be doing an FET next.  Like you I felt a tremendous loss which took me very much by surprise. I cried for days. It was heartbreaking. I did however feel a lot better after the bleeding stopped and have felt stronger every day since.  It's got to the point now where I can think about it without crying although I still feel a little sad. I think some women are incredibly lucky that it works first time but I think for the majority of women it will take a few attempts hence why CfL offer the three attempts. As we are using DH frozen sperm, we know that there are only 5 vials of this left so we have agreed that we will keep trying until his storage is used up. If it still hasn't worked we will look at other options. Please don't give up though. A miscarriage is a good sign because it means that you can get pregnant. Most of the time miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities with the embryo. So there would be nothing you could do if this was the case.  Do you have some things planned for Christmas? I have found spending time with friends had helped. I also went on a shopping spree and treated myself to a nice pair of shoes and a new dress for Christmas. I found that really helped too. Sending big hugs to you hun. I really do feel for you xxx


----------



## Ames xxx

Hi chriskirsty,  i am so sorry to hear your news...sending you a  .  I just had a BFN which I think is bad enough but to get a positive and be in your position I can only imagine how you are feeling. 

It's strange as when I seen my embryo I tried to detach myself and not think of it as a "baby" but when I got that negative result I did feel that sense of loss as well.  It's natural as we are seeing what many woman don't see or notice during a "normal" pregnancy. 

I have been up and down since BFN (will be 2 weeks on monday).....some days I am positive  and thinking of the future other days.....meltdown and back to square one  it will take time but I hope you are feeling abit better soon xxx


----------



## Chriskirsty

Hi ladies 
Thank you so much for talking to me my dh isn't much of a talker and his way is to just move but I just can't.. I feel inconsolable as though Its grief... I just feel numb and dont no how to take that first step it hasnt helped that I'm yet to start bleeding so I'm consumed with knowing it's still in me... Is that silly?? I just feel like this journey is never ending.. Our first cycle was cancelled due to my dh failed mtese(an operation to find sperm in his tubes) we were told to move on to donor and thre was no hope I just couldnt accept this and it was on on here I learned of a Dr in London after a few Visits and £500 later well spent he was prescribed tamoxifen which took him from zero to hero and we were able to go back to the NCL they were astonished and try our second Isci... It took two years to reach our second go but it was worth it to have a 
My dh bio child and maybe I was in a bubble thinking it would work but to get a bfp and to have it taken away is a heartache I wasn't expecting... 
I'm back to work on Monday and I'm dreading it,, I have t made any plans over Christmas yet as this has taken over my life, I think I will just have some me time to and try and enter the new year on a positive note.. 

Katy- do u think it could happen again and something is going wrong when they mixed our eggs and sperm because they said one was top quality and was starting to compact and had just missed out on the day 5 criteria and the other wasn't far behind I'm totally confused why this has happened, did they grade your embies at the NCL we didn't get grades.. We had 6 fertilised but the other 4 weren't suitable for freezing unfortunately,, is that an easier process?? 
I'm sorry for the long post I'm just not coping and need to get this all out xxx.   
Thanks for listening 
Kirsty 
XXXX


----------



## Katy_81

ChrisKirsty - I just wrote you a mammoth reply and lost it all   in terms of whether it could happen again, I really don't know but all I will say is please be reassured by the fact that most women who have miscarriages go onto have healthy babies. From the research I have done I have come to understand that the science of fertility is incredibly complex and is very much a game of chance a lot of the time.  We had a top quality blastocyst transferred and that didn't work do it just goes to show. We do have two frozen and yes the process for FET is more straight forward as you don't need to go through the ovary stimulation and egg collection process. However, success rates are apparently not as good with frozen transfers as opposed to fresh so we'll just have to wait and see. Have CfL asked you to go in for a final blood test? I had to go for a final test before they would send out a review as I still had hcg in my system on the 2nd test.  X


----------



## Chriskirsty

Katy thank you for replying yeah NCL have asked me to go back on Thursday or  Friday for repeat bloods as on Friday it was reading 29 from 37.. My head is still all over and it's not helping the dh isn't much of a talker and is a one for just Getting in with things.. I just can't and it's making me so frustrated at him how was your dh after this happened?? We were meant to be at a wedding today and I just couldn't face going so he gone on his own and the (mil) had the nerve to say he's gunna feel an idiot on his own,, it's as though I'm not allowed to grieve or come to terms with it... 
How long after it did it take u to bleed I haven't had a period since the beginning of October and a 1 day bleed on the 1st of November so i should of been due the 1st if this month I no cyclogest could delay this but I stopped taking it on Wednesday morning.. I guess it's slowly working its way out my boobs are side my back is sore and I just feel so achey is this how u felt?! It's like prolonged torture 
Xxx


----------



## Katy_81

I stopped taking the cyclogest on Monday 17th and starting bleeding a week later on the 24th. I still had pregnancy symptoms such as sore veiny boobs and thirst all the way up until I started bleeding.  I'm sorry your DH hasn't been as sympathetic as you'd have liked. I think it is difficult sometimes for the man to understand fully how it feels as they don't endure the physical side. Mine has actually been really supportive although I think he felt a bit helpless at times cause he didn't know what he could to make me feel better.  I think it was quite unfair of your DH to be annoyed with you for not going to this wedding. You are going through one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences a person can have. I was a mess at your stage and couldn't face work never mind a wedding. 

I suspect you will start bleeding this week sometime. I don't know if you are back at work but be prepared to take sometime off this week. The bleeding will be a lot heavier than normal and it might be a bit more painful than usual. Work will probably be the last place you want to be. I took co-codamol and ibuprofen and had a hot water bottle on my tummy.  If it helps though I bled for a couple of days then started to feel so much better after both physically and emotionally.  Will be thinking of you hun xxx


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## Chriskirsty

It was the mother in law that was trying to make me feel guilty,, I just couldnt face it I don't think I could put a brave face on for that length of time, and to top it off there where two pregnant ladies on my table and I'm having a hard time as it is never mind sitting through there conversations about it...
I'm due back at work tomorrow can't say I'm looking forward to it if it's to hard then I will just leave... Especially if the bleeding becomes to much..
Will I definatley have to go back to the NCL of the bleeding starts?? 
How are u doing now?? 
Xxx


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## Katy_81

Yeah you will still need to go back to the clinic. It's protocol you see. They have to have the blood results back to 0 before they will organise a review.

I'm feeling much better thanks. I'm looking forward to Christmas and have loads on which is providing a welcome distraction.  Going to York next weekend for the Christmas market so that should be good. Xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

So much has happened since I've been on here last.  Welcome to chriskirsty, and Diva las vegas, however I wish I didn't have to welcome you on this thread.  I am however so sorry to hear off your recent bad news,    Chriskirsty I have also been there with a chemical pregnancy, as my 1st ICSI cycle was a chemical pregnancy, and I was devastated, as it was such a near thing, "if only it stayed" I used to think.  In fact, it took me longer to get over that, then my negative failed cycles, my recent bfn being just over 3 wks ago, it was my 1st FET, but 4th IVF Cycle.

However, I have a beautiful son from my 3rd IVF/ICSI Cycle, born in Aug. last year who was born by emergency c-section 11 wks early, and had to spend the first 9 wks of his life on a Neonatal Intensive Care Ward.  We nearly lost him twice, and I had such a traumatic birth, and had to go home without my baby, that I was in shock for a while afterwards, and I am still trying to come to terms with it over a year on.

In fact, I have been struggling with my mood since I was diagnosed with primary infertility 3 years ago now, has it's been one thing after another, and have been thinking about going to see the Dr, I have made an appt. for this week, but whether I go to it is another thing.

Anyway, bye for now.

xxx


----------



## Chriskirsty

Hi Dolphins 
you sound like u have a a tough journey with ttc and infertility.. It's amazing you have a son from it, I love hearing off success stories.. No wonder your mood has been all over infertility is such a trying journey, it's totally taken its toll on me so it's no wonder your feeling that way especially having to face a traumatic birth and weeks of uncertainty... I'm so glad your son is ok now  

What is primary infertility if you don't mind me asking?? Ours is male infertility... When u had your chemical where ur clinic still hopeful for a good outcome?? We have one go left on the nhs and just prey we are 3rd time lucky... I am devastated am finding it difficult to cope,, I just wanna hold my baby after all these years... 
Have any of you heard Kellie coffeys song that pretty much some up my feelings... 

I hope your doctors gives u some support am sending you   To give you encouragement to go 
Xxx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for the encouragement chriskirsty.   

Primary infertility is a phrase used when you need fertility treatment to conceive a first child, and secondary infertility is when you are able to conceive a baby naturally first time, but are struggling to conceive naturally for subsequent babies, and so require some sort of fertility treatment in order to conceive, i.e. tablets, iui, ivf/icsi etc.  I have always needed fertility treatment to conceive a child, so subsequently I have got 'primary infertility'.  I hope that helps!  

We still have concerns about our son, and the hospital has now, but we have to take it one step at a time.  We have to keep taking him to hospital to see the physio, O.T. and paediatrician until he is at least 2 yrs of age.

When I had my chemical we still had another cycle at the same clinic, which sadly ended in a bfn, but then switched clinics.  We are glad we did change clinics, as it was at the other clinic that we had a successful outcome with our son.  We unfortunately only had 1 free go on the nhs where we live, it just varies how many free go's you can have, which I think should be an equal amount across the board.

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Ames xxx

Hi all.
Back to work on Thurs and I am Dreading it. I have taken time off from my egg collection to now which all in all was about 4 weeks. Nobody except my boss knows at work so it isn't the thought of having to speak about BFN. It's just my colleague had twins recently and I know there is going to be talk of it and pics etc.....I think I will find that difficult to deal with. 

How is everybody? I am on abit of a downer today for some reason. Think I have just seen so many people pushing push chairs and just aching today. Hopefully will pass soon xxx


----------



## Charmars

Hi everyone!

Not been on here for a while as been away and getting ready got Xmas!


I'm also trying to move on from the last cycle so being on here every day wasn't helping!

I am feeling much stronger now and ready to try again.

Sorry more have joined this group, I really hope you are all
Ok and coming to terms with your bfn. Its crap but we are strong and we will cope, we have no choice! Life is **** sometimes isn't it!!

Xxx


----------



## Katy_81

Hi all

Charmers - lovely to see you and good to hear you are feeling better in yourself now.  Xx

Ames - going back to work was hard for me too but after a couple of days I was happy for the distraction.  I hope it's the same for you. I know what you mean aswell about seeing lots of women pushing prams.  The first couple of weeks after my chemical I couldn't even watch baby adverts without feeling a heavy heart.  That feeling will ease though after a while. Xx

I had quite a surprise yesterday. I got my review letter and our review appointment is next week! I was expecting early Feb so it's quite a bit earlier than I was expecting. Hopefully we should be able to do FET in January.


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## itsonlybridge

Hello everyone

Haven't been around much as been tying to get my head back to 'normal' and get ready for Xmas which. I'm still not! Lol

Welcome to the new people on this thread, I'm so sorry to hear of your news and meet you on here under these circumstances. I hope you find some comfort in the other people on here, we all have a special understanding of what each other is going through.

Had my review appointment today following BFN on 27th Nov after first cycle of IVF. They couldn't tell us anything helpful really just that the negative was natures way of saying the embryos were not good enough to make it, and basically try again.. No chance of another go on the NHS so cycle 2 will be self funded (which does annoy me with this postcode lottery) they are also suggesting that I have the 'killer cell' test as I have also had 3 mc (naturally conceived) the test is also not available on NHS and costs £600 so we are going to enjoy Christmas and the break from work, and start saving in the new year for round 2! 

I will pop back from time to time but I'd like to wish you all a Happy Christmas and a peaceful new year ... Sending lots of baby dust and luck to you all xxxxxx


----------



## Samdog

Not been on for a week or so but been reading. Feel awful because my lovely brother has rang to tell me that I am an aunty and I feel so jealous and upset but really happy for them. 

It's   as we should have been having our own in a few weeks but lost our peanut. Life is proper bab at times


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## lisamarie1

Moring ladies,

Do you mind if I join you? My OTD is not until Sunday but started full blown af yesterday which had been building up for a few days so I know it's all over. Had 2 glasses of wine last night and after not drinking for goodness knows how long am really feeling it today!

Thinking ahead already to our next and last fresh cycle which will be March/April. Determined to enjoy Christmas and then back on the health kick in January.

Haven't had a chance to catch up with everyone's posts yet but sorry to all of you who find yourself here.

Lisa xxx


----------



## Chriskirsty

Hi ladies 
I have kept meself away from this site to try to come to terms with what has happened, tbh it hasn't helped at all I seem to be getting more down by the day, I'm so sad and upset that this seems to have taken a grip of me.. It's as though it's constantly one mind, I hate meself for feeling so jealous of pregnant ladies and it's so close around me it's just happening for everyone.. And it hurts so much.. My dh seems to have lost patience with me which I can understand but it infuriates me as he isn't much of a talker, I just get this sudden wave that rushes over me and I worry I will never hold our baby in my arms, since the chemical I've been a lot worse with these thoughts I just feel totally desperate to be a mammy.. 
So sorry for the long me post and the pitty party, I just can't seem to focus meself to positive thinking I feel like what is the point 
How is everyone else? 
XXXX


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## Diva las vegas

Oh chriskirsty and all you lovely ladies
This journey is awful
I've not been around for a while as needed to give my mind a rest an stay away from anything baby related

The last few weeks have been up and down. But going back to work helps....... It gives your mind distraction

Xmas isn't helping though as yesterday I went shopping for gifts and I realised I'm not feeling excited and I know why because its spending money we need to be saving for treatment..... So what do I do buy one present and spend £109 on makeup! 
Mad crazy frivalent now what's that all about 
I think I'll be returning some back tonight otherwise what because we still won't have the money for treatment!

Oh and to top it all my mind can't stop thinking babies when how what if should we try another cycle if ivf if this doesn't work should I let go and save up for a holiday
When do we stop are we too old all that stuff is starting to surface again and I now chriskirsty what you mean..... But we have got to get through to the other side and get strong again

Maybe when Christmas and all it signifies family gatherings children looking forward to Santa etc has passed wel be able to prepare 

We have our follow up in early Jan so I'm going to try now to prepare and read about frozen emby as I'm not sure wether to do natural or drug my heart says natural so any advice girls will be very much appreciated 

Take care all

Diva


----------



## Ames xxx

Hi all. 

I am feeling the same as the last 2 ladies. I can't stop my mind doing overtime.  It is constantly thinking about ovulation, ivf,pregnancy, babies, prams....! I can't help it. 

When I got my BFN I thought I will forget it have a good crimbo, eat,drink and be merry.  Try and give me and DH so us time   but I just can't seem to clear my mind. It's so frustrating  cos we are unexplained infertility and maybes if I relaxed and forgot about it all it might just happen (think it's unlikely but you never know) I may actually fall naturally but it's easier said than done.

Wishing everybody a merry Christmas and fingers and toes crossed for us all for 2015!!! xxxx


----------



## sunshine and clouds

Hi ladies

Hope you don't mind me joining you.  Hello to my lovely ladies from the Oct/Nov cycle buddies thread! Sorry to see you hear but nice to see you too    Hope you are all very well.  And hello to everyone else nice to meet you x

Just a quick post to say hello as time for dinner and don't want to do a negative post been struggling to cope recently. However had some good news too after a struggle and THREE visits to plead with my doctor and the assisted conception unit they have agreed to do a few blood tests before our next round of treatments.  Got those today and will get the results next week. At least it will give peace of mind or some pointers if there are any issues.

Hope you are all ok ladies.  Lots of love and best wishes to you.

xx


----------



## foxglove

Hi ladies hope you are all doing well and staying positive. I saw my consultant who said that he will perform a laparoscopy on me to check the state of my tubes... He said that do sometimes open after a pregnancy and also the hag tests are not always correct. He then said he will also zap any endometriosis that may have come back and do ovarian drilling to stop my ovaries being so polycystic . This way you never know it may then happen naturally... And pigs might fly! But I guess it is worth doing seeing that we won't be doing another ivf round x


----------



## sunshine and clouds

Good luck foxglove xx


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## IloveWesties

Hello ladies may I join you please?

I've been on the Nov/Dec cycle thread and the Dec 2WW thread too. I'm feeling a bit lost and could so with chatting to ladies in a similar position so think this thread may be the right place for me.

In brief, I'm only 9dp5dt today but the dreaded AF arrived on Wednesday (brown spotting for an hour) and then in full force yesterday (as heavy as my chemical pregnancy this time last year so I knew it was all over).

It's helping me to throw myself in to researching next steps and I'm particularly interested to hear from anyone with PCOS and low progesterone 'issues'. It's early days but I'm convinced that the cycle had started to work as I'm pretty sure I had implantation bleeding on 2dp5dt but I don't think the progesterone pessaries (Cylogest 400mg x twice a day) were either strong enough for me or not absorbing properly. My clinic didn't monitor me very much at all and I know others would have had me in on Wednesday when I reported the spotting and potentially increased my pessary dose or swapped me to injections. But hey ho, we are where we are...

I'm sorry we have to meet under such circumstances but I hope we can all help each other.

Westies xxx


----------



## sunshine and clouds

Big hugs Westies. The af after ivf can be awful. Sorry to hear about your cycle and hope you are kitted out with chocolate and hot water bottle and being kind to yourself. Xx


----------



## IloveWesties

Thank you for the welcome sunshine and the hugs are very much appreciated. Sending them back  x

Hope you're all well this morning and I hope you have lots of lovely things planned to make you all happy today. I'm braving the shops for some last minute bits and bobs - must be mad! On the upside. I'm having my hair cut and coloured today and DH is treating me to lunch x


----------



## Katy_81

Hi ladies

Hope you're all ready for Christmas. I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday which is such a great feeling. I can now relax 

Hello to the new ladies. Really sorry you find yourselves here.  Hope that you find some comfort and support from this thread. We are all in the same boat   

Had my review the other day at the clinic. We didn't get a whole lot of answers to be honest. Just that miscarriages happen and there's nothing we could have done to prevent it. I guess I kind of understand that but thought they might have had some suggestions. Anyway, we have 2 blast frosties and we have been given the go ahead for a medicated FET to start in January.  We having them both put back so there's a chance of twins! I have to ring them when AF arrives (which should be this Tuesday) then start the wonderful buserelin on day 21.  Should be testing late Feb. Very excited


----------



## sunshine and clouds

Katy that is wonderful news!!  How exciting. Good luck xxx


----------



## slippy786

Hi all,
Hope you don't mind a bloke chipping into the conversation. My wife and I have been having ICSI for 3 years now without joy. First 2 times only 4 eggs collected and none fertilized as they had trouble getting any decent sperm. This time round we were overjoyed when they collected 12 eggs of which 7 were mature enough to use. 2 went on to become blastocyst and we had both put back. Unfortunately my wife had a period and pregnancy test was negative. Although it's a plus point we got to transfer stage after 3 years it just feels so much harder to deal with. I feel empty but trying to keep a brave face for my wife otherwise God knows what kind of state she would be in. Any tips to make things easier for both of us? Really trying to be strong but struggling. We need to be otherwise we won't be able to try again as the heartbreak will be too much for us. 
Any ladies had two put back and failed treatment? We were so sure it was going to work and not sure what we can do differently.


----------



## IloveWesties

Hi slippy and welcome. Lovely to hear from the man's point of view and you sound like a wonderful husband.

I have just gone through a failed treatment cycle of ICSI (our first and only 'free' NHS cycle) and I'm currently researching where we go from here.

What stuck out in your post to me was "unfortunately my wife had a period and pregnancy test was negative". Did her period arrive earlier than when the clinic told her to test (her 'OTD' / official test date)? If so, this is what happened to me (my period arrived 7 days after our 5 day blastocyst was transferred) and from the brief research I've done over the last few days, it looks like low progesterone may have been to blame. Perhaps this is something you could look in to for next time, if this rings bells with you. I've been told that I should look in to alternatives to the Cyclogest pessaries post-transfer including a gel called Crinone and injections called Prontogest.

I really hope this helps. Other than that, all I can say is that I'm really sorry that it didn't work out for you this time. Keep talking to each other and plan some things to spend quality time together, alone, over the Christmas period.

Take care of yourself and have a lovely Christmas x


----------



## Samdog

Hey slippy we had 2 put back on 3 day transfer. Ours didn't work. Hope to get to blasto next time. Our m/c was a blast.

You sound like a fab hubby just keep supporting each other and be positive.

Try to have a lovely christmas.

🎄
X


----------



## patbaz

Got another bfn today and I'm feeling really low. Any advice?


----------



## slippy786

Hi there, thanks for making me feel welcome. You support means a lot.
IloveWesties: 
Sorry to hear about your failed cycle and I really wish you all the best in the future and it all works out for all of us.  I notice you say first and only free NHS cycle. I think most PCT only fund 1 or in some cases zero nhs funded cycles which is extremely disappointing to hear because the actual recommendation by the NICE guidelines is to fund 3 cycles but none of the PCT’s have taken this up.
Our transfer was on 4th December and we were due to do the pregnancy test on 17th December. In meantime my wife started bleeding quite heavily on 12th with what she described as just the same as her period. They told us to carry on taking the cyclogest as sometimes this can happen and still result in a pregnancy. They said it might just be one of the two embryos passing through. The test on 17th Dec was negative. Heartbroken. Funny you mention that it could be the lack of progesterone because that was my first thought. In fact I was putting in the pessaries for my wife as she was struggling and I had no idea if I was putting it far enough as in the morning my wife always complained that some creamy looking medicine was coming out. Thank you for the help and advice. I will have to look into the alternatives. Does anyone use Utrogestan? Is that better than cyclogest?
Samdog:-
Thank you for your support and advice. Really sorry about your failed cycle too and all the best
Patbaz I’m sorry about your failed cycle too.
Hope that one day we all will have healthy children of our own.  Hope everyone has a fab Xmas.


----------



## IloveWesties

Slippy - just a couple of quick Qs - has your wife got PCOS? Has she had an AMH test? If she has PCOS then the low progesterone thing is quite common (so I'm now finding out!) and if she hasn't had the AMH test then that may be worth looking in to before your next cycle x

Patbaz - my OTD buddy - so sorry to see you on here my lovely. I'm sorry to read that you're struggling. Please do feel free to PM me. I'd love to hear about that plan of yours x


----------



## IloveWesties

PS Slippy - some PCTs do offer three cycles as recommended by NICE. It's just one in the area where we live. A friend who lives in South Devon is entitled to three, for example. My consultant said that the decision is ultimately made due to the population and whether they need more people which is why more rural areas tend to be those offering two or three cycles. It's unfair but I don't think it'll change in the time which would make a difference to us unfortunately so best not to get annoyed by it and focus on what you can do to be positive in the future x


----------



## Samdog

I live in a rural area and we only got one! But the next city to us you get two! 

Patbaz. Just take time to process everything and be kind to yourself.we have all looked into why it didn't work but most of the time it's just bad luck mind we all couldn't have done anymore. I am sure you did everything you could and try to take comfort from it.x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Samdog. I suppose I'm just struggling with the fact that after 6 tx and 8 long years ttc I still don't have my baby.


----------



## foxglove

Am so sorry patbaz... I had my fingers crossed for you. I don't have any advice as don't really have much experience of the whole ivf thing but just wanted to say try not to give up. My consultant is going to do a laparoscopy on me to see what is going on. I won't be doing full ivf again as I was hospitalised with internal bleeding after ec and so giving my body the best possible chance of it happening naturally. What does the consultant say could be the reason? Is it worth trying another clinic or do you still have more frosties? Xx


----------



## patbaz

Aww thanks foxglove. I'm feeling a little better today. No more frosties and would've been happy to go back to the same clinic but I rang this morning to give my result like they asked and I just got a machine saying that they are closed until the 5th. How is that for service?? Nobody from the comic has rung me so I guess they really don't care and you're just a number at the end of the day. So very angry about it!!


----------



## lisamarie1

Hi Pat,

I was just checking in to see how you got on and spotted your posts in the FET board. I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work for you. I hope that the new year brings better news for you, you so deserve it. Sorry too that your clinic have treated you so badly, that's the last thing you need on top of everything else. Do you think you will try somewhere else now? I hope you have a good Christmas in spite of everything and that you start making plans for the next and hopefully final round!

We've got a review appointment in January and will then give it one more bash before giving up on our dreams for a sibling for our dd. I suspect that the Consultant will try to persuade us otherwise, the last time we saw her she started talking about donor eggs but I feel we need to give it one more go with mine before calling it a day.

Hi to all you other lovely ladies, sorry that you find yourselves here. Keeping my fingers crossed for you all that next year will be a better one.

Lisa xxx


----------



## patbaz

Lisamarie you are so very sweet huni. 

I kind of feel guilty because just after I posted about my clinic this morning they rang me! Not sure what to do. May try the other clinic then that way I can say I have tried all the clinics near to me. Dh isn't ready to have the chat yet. I want this more than him. So I will give him a little time. He is just really worried about me.


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## lisamarie1

So glad they rang you back. Probably best to give it a bit of time and then make a decision about where to go next. Might be an idea to have a review appointment with your current clinic but also go and see the other one just for an initial appointment to see if you get a good feel for them or if they can offer to do anything differently. 

Take care sweetie, I hope your dh is ready to have the chat soon. If it were down to him my dh, we would not be giving it another go but he has come round to the idea a bit more now.


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## slippy786

ILoveWesties 

I don't think my wife has PCOS. how can you tell? Shes never been tested for it I think.


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## IloveWesties

This is a useful resource Slippy: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I'm sure that with all of the blood tests and scans that your wife has had, she would have been diagnosed by now. I only asked because low progesterone levels seem to be very common in PCOS sufferers. That doesn't mean that 'normal' women can't also suffer from low progesterone but perhaps she has a shorter than average luteal phase in her cycle which isn't helping? IVF/ICSI is meant to take over your cycle but if the meds aren't working or strong enough then that can cause the natural cycle to kick in again and period to arrive early.

Do you have your follow-up appointment through yet? I hope that you both get some answers from your consultant x

/links


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## Jellybean#1

Hi All,

I am new to the forum, Hubby and I have just had our first ICSI at Brentwood Nuffield, We have male factor with poor motility and morphology nothing on my side and had a great response to the medications.  

We had 11 eggs collected, 8 fertilised, 6 progressed and taken to day 4 however only 2 were ok for transfer so we had both transferred but unfortunatly it was a BFN.

I am feeling quite sad that it didnt work am pretty gutted. I am within their BMI however I plan to loose more weight to ensure I have super healthy eggs and hubby continues with folic acid as do I but I have him on selenium, Zinc, Coenzyme Q10 and Vit C as we plan to have another go in March/April time.

xxx


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## patbaz

Jellybean I am so sorry huni. It's a really rotten thing to happen at Christmas. I got my bfn on Sunday so I understand. I am sending you big hugs x


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## slippy786

ILoveWesties
We have our review appointment mid January so see how it goes. 

Anyone know what my wife can do to help get more healthy eggs? We only got 4 eggs collected and only 2 healthy the first two times. The 3rd go we got 12 eggs of which only 7 were healthy and only 3 fertilised. 

Ilove jellybeans

For your husband try using fairhaven fertilaid (£30 for 1 month supply), countboost (£15 for 1 month supply) and motility boost (£15 for 1 month supply) all made by fairhaven and taken together. After 3  months or so made a big difference for my sperm quality.


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## patbaz

Slippy a good fertility vitamin omega 3 co-q10 and high quality protein diet is supposed to be good also.


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## Jomojo

Slippy, I would recommend the book 'it starts with the egg' -basically it recommends good diet, pre-natal vits, co-q10, avoiding bpa and phthalates and it has recommendations specific to people with Pcos, DOR and unexplained IF.

I hope everyone is doing ok and that Xmas has been a welcome distraction from it all as it has been for me.

We had our review appointment today and hav our dates for our next cycle- will be starting DR 16th Feb with EC week commencing 23rd March. Last time we got 5 eggs out of 5 follies and 2 fertilised normally (one failed to fertilise, 2 sperm got into one and one was just a shell). The two embryos we ended up with were really high quality but failed to implant.  I will be starting on a higher dose of merional this time round to try and get more eggs (375 instead of 225 I started on last time which was upped to 300 after first scan).

will anyone else be trying again Feb/March?
Xx


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## patbaz

Hi jomojo I have my review tomorrow so hoping to go feb March time as well. I will let you know x


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## Ames xxx

Hi all.

Hope everyone had a good new year.

Sorry to start it off with a downer post but I woke up this morning to my brother texting me a pic of his new puppy and they have named it my baby name if I ever had a girl. I have been crying all morning.  It has hit me hard which is ridiculous because it's a dog and he didn't even know that was my baby name. I hadn't told anybody. 

I am in poor me mode thinking why of all the names in the world is it that one. It just hurts as when my embryo was transplanted it was that name (along with my boy name) that I was talking to....I know it sounds silly but I am a little superstitious so think it's a bad start to the year already!!

Sorry for pity post........Will give myself a shake and start thinking positive again. Just wanted to vent xxx


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## Samdog

Everyone is allowed time to feel down. No one knows how hard it is until you go through it. We would have been having our baby tomorrow and it's really hard for us.  Esp seen as my brother had their little girl three weeks ago. 

But 2015 will be a good year for us all.

Keep your chin up Ames


happy new year

X


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## patbaz

Keep said Samdog. Everyone is different and we all grieve in our own way. I pray that we all get our wishes in 2015.


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## Katy_81

Hi ladies

Just wanted to wish you all a happy new year! I hope that 2015 brings us all the happiness we deserve.

Ames - I'm so sorry that you're feeling sad. I know exactly how you feel. I've had names in mind which other people have taken (by accident) and it's hard. I've decided not to think any more about names.  When the time comes I'm sure DP  and I will pick a name which we both love.  Chin up Hun. It's a new year and there's a really good chance that it could be your year xxx

AFM AF arrived for me today which is brill and means that I can start DR for my FET on the 21st Jan. Cant wait to get started again!


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## patbaz

Katy good luck for starting again huni. I pray the next time is yours x


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## angie5507

Hi everyone Hope it's ok to join this thread I had my bfn on the 28th December and my af arrived a couple of days after. I was quite sad and confused about the bfn especially as this was my first cycle so had no idea what to expect. I am now however looking forward to my first appointment with a new clinic. Just want to get trying asap.


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## patbaz

Hi angie how are you doing huni?


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## angie5507

Hi Pat I'm ok this is the worst af I've ever had!!!! I think a couple months to recoup is def needed. I was a little teary last night doing the count down with the hubby spoke to my grandmother who knows about the treatment and all she said was I hope you get all you want in 2015 and that set me off   So I guess I'm still a bit emotional just trying to stay positive
How about you Pat how are you feeling?


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## patbaz

I'm not too bad this time. I think that I was so hurt by the MC in July that the bfn didn't hurt as bad. I also wasn't feeling like the fet was going to work. I had my review on Tuesday and going to have endo scratch on next AF day 21 then going for my last fresh cycle. Fingers crossed 2015 will be a good years for us all. xx


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## angie5507

Oh that's great Pat!!! I was thinking about doing the scratch to so let me know how it goes you will be starting yours before I do mine! I have a feeling this year will def be our year!!!!


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## lisamarie1

Morning ladies and Happy New Year to you all, hope this is going to be a good one for all of us.

*Pat*, glad to hear you are going again soon, I've had the endo scratch on the last couple of cycles and didn't find it too bad really. My clinic think it's definitely worth doing.

Hi *Angie*, I hope your appointment at the new clinic goes well and is a positive experience. I'm still trying to decide whether to give another clinic a go. I've got my review appointment on the 19th so will see how that goes first and then decide.

*Katy*, best of luck for your FET, not long to go now.

*Ames*, I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

*Samdog*, I hope you manage to get through today, must be a really tough day for you.

*Jomojo*, I bought that book recently and found it really useful, am following quite a lot of the advice from it in the hope that it will make the difference this time round.

Just waiting for my review appointment now and starting my healthy eating regime today. Need to hide all the Christmas chocolates away so I'm not tempted! This is going to be our last shot at it so want to do all I can to make sure I'm as healthy as possible.

Have a good day ladies.

Lisa xxx


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## angie5507

Had a bit of not so good morning. Woke up to find my friend has given birth last night and sent me a picture of her baby and all in could think was why are you sending me a picture I don't want to see your baby. I instantly felt guilty and sick. I sent her a message of congratulations but now I can't stop crying


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## patbaz

Och angie. I am so sorry huni. It's never easy getting that news even though you're happy for your friend you're upset about yourself. Infertility is the most horrible thing but makes us envy the good fortune of others while making our hearts break at the same time new all feel the same way. We say and do all the right things but inside we are so upset. I am sending you big hugs. It's ok to feel the way you do and just remember we are always here for you x


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## angie5507

Pat I felt like I hated her I didn't even want to type that but it's the truth going on about her pregnancy and how quickly the birth was how easy sailing it all was I wanted to tell her to leave me alone I'm supposed to be God parent but I think I may have to decline I can't stand the father or his family and I don't think I would be able to be polite or nice I just can't seem to hide my feelings so maybe it's best I stay away.


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## patbaz

Angie petal you do what's best for you huni. I know exactly where you are coming from. I am godmother to a little boy and a little girl who were born 5 days apart. I remember just how difficult it was being around them at the time but I love the bones of them now. I really didn't have the option of declining as both were family one on my side and one on DH side. So whatever feels right for you. And don't feel guilty about anything xx


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## angie5507

Thank you Pat


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## angie5507

Got a letter from the clinic with an appointment date which wasn't agreed ....doesn't feel like a good start


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## patbaz

Angie phone them and ask why!


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## mandymoo12

Hello ladies.
I got my BFN a couple of weeks ago, but have not really felt like posting. And been trying to enjoy Christmas etc... I wanted to say hi. We have our follow up appointment Monday week. I'm still in two minds whether to go again as I don't know if I can keep spending the money. I'm not sure how happy I was with my last clinic. In some ways, I was happy because it was really convenient, but found the protocol impersonal. I'm sure if I got my BFP I would say they were great.
I'm looking at possibly going abroad. Might be nice to combine a holiday with treatment and it cost less but I'm not sure. I'm even wondering about donor eggs as the success rate seems higher.. But my AMH isn't that low. Feeling quite confused really.
I've got a couple of busy months with work and stuff, so looking at possibly April or May.
Anyway... Better get some sleep now. First night of no drinking for a couple of weeks!
Will catch up on posts later.
Xxx


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## patbaz

Hi mandymoo I hope christmas wasn't too much of a chore. Take your time with choosing what your next step is. If it is going to be your last go you want to make sure that you've done everything right. Choose somewhere that you feel comfortable with. Maybe we will be cycling together again  x


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## Jellybean#1

Thanks patbaz it was a hard blow as we really hoped we would be one of those first time success stories!

Christmas was a welcome distraction as well as our five month old Sprollie who keeps us busy lol

We have all the bits to start our fertility smoothies on Monday too  

Xxx


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## patbaz

Jellybean fertility smoothies? Do they taste as pleasant as they sound?


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## Jellybean#1

patbaz said:


> Jellybean fertility smoothies? Do they taste as pleasant as they sound?


We experimented with the first one tonight, looked disgusting due to the green spirulina but tasted surprisingly ok lol x


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## angie5507

Jellybean we are waiting to hear what's in them   ...never heard of them


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## Jellybean#1

angie5507 said:


> Jellybean we are waiting to hear what's in them  ...never heard of them


My MIL read up on them for us to help hopefully boost hubby's moprholo motility and numbers

So tonight it was frozen raspberries (you can have any frozen or fresh like blueberries etc) some rice milk, low fat Greek yoghurt, pure honey, a banana, then a spoon of acai powder and spirulina which makes it look funky but tastes ok lol x


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## foxglove

Just booked date for laparoscopy... 23rd jan... I guess I'll be finding out if we have any chance of conceiving naturally xx


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## patbaz

Good luck foxglove x


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## Jellybean#1

Good luck fox glove fingers crossed xx


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## SweetPea2707

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is well, sorry to see a few names here from the nov/dec thread, I hope you are all doing ok.

After our bfn at the end of Nov I have stayed away from ff as I just found everything really hard to deal with. We are starting our second cycle on 19th Jan. The hospital said they don't know why it didn't work as everything went according to plan & they aren't changing anything so I'm on the same protocol as last time. Fingers crossed xxxx


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## patbaz

Best of luck sweetpea x


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## IloveWesties

Lovely to hear from you sweetpea. Sending you lots of positive wishes for your cycle - not long now! How exciting x

How is everyone else doing? Any new plans emerging? x

AFM - I'm just waiting for my follow-up appointment in early Feb but have also booked in to see Create (they have a satellite clinic in Bristol which is near to us) as think their mild/natural approach could be a good fit for us. Keeping an open mind and looking forward to the appointments. In the meantine, I'm focusing on healthy eating and exercise as it seemed to all go out the window over Christmas after my BFN. We definitely needed the blow out though and I think it did us both good.
I saw a reflexologist and an acupuncturist before and throughout my treatment cycle and have since found out that it may have been better to just go with one or the other rather than both. So, having done some research, I've opted for reflexology but also swapped practitioners to one who specialises in fertility and offers a three month 'prescription' to work alongside your cycle. I'm just waiying for AF to arrive (due this weekend) so I can book in and get started. 
When I spoke with the new reflexologist on the phone, she recommended a supplement called 'She Oak'. Has anyone heard of it or using it? I got it from Neal's Yard and start today - the things I've read online about it sound amazing so I thought I might as well add it to the list! Ha ha 

Anyway, hope you're all OK and feeling positive about whatever is next for all of you lovely ladies. 2015 is our year! Big hugs xxx


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## SweetPea2707

Thanks Patbaz & Ilovewesties, hope you are both doing ok.  Good luck with everyrthing, i hope we all have our dreams realised! x


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## Pagey J

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on ff since my bfn but need an outlet of emotion! Unfortunately I mucked up my medication which I only realised today  so angry with myself. It was our first ever FET so was quite oblivious to the process and the nurse who completed my medication schedule only put tablets up to transfer day so we thought I stopped as didn't know otherwise and she didn't say to continue after that date (I even said the the nurse on transfer day so today's the last day of tablets and she didn't say anything)! The paper work I received today shows I should have been taking tablets up til test dates it's so gutting to know I mucked up my cycle 

Our follow up appointment isn't til end of February i feel like such a failure

X


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## mandymoo12

Hi everyone...

*pageyj* do you have a you have any more frosties?

How Westies, sweetpea and Patbaz

Just had my follow up appointment and kind of more confused than ever. It boils down to age and that the quality of my embryos aren't great... But they aren't terrible either. We asked doc loads of questions including immunity, genetic issues etc... We asked him what the highest chance was and he said donor eggs. 
I'm kind of split on that. As my AMH isn't terrible and Im still not 40.. But I'm not sure how much I want to keep spending money and getting negatives. Ive had 2. If I went donor I would probably go abroad as I think there is a higher choice.. 
DH is now saying perhaps we should go for one more try ourselves and then next year if it fails a donor go and and then stop..
His thinking re money is people spend thousands on holidays and we don't.
What does everyone think?
Xxxx


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## IloveWesties

Hi ladies

Mandymoo - have you made a decision? What does your gut instinct tell you? Am I right in thinking you've had two IVF cycles? Personally, I think I may be tempted to try one last time like your DH suggested but these decisions are so difficult and personal. Have you stayed with the same clinic for the two cycles? Will you stay with the same clinic again or look to try somewhere else? x

Pagey - hello and I'm sorry to read your post. Try not to feel badly or negatively about the last cycle. It's a huge learning curve for a lot of us so try and focus on the positives for next time. Your appointment will be here before you know it x

Patbaz, Sweetpea and all the other lovely ladies - how are you all doing? x

AFM - AF arrived yesterday (first one since failed IVF). I felt a real mixture of emotions - glad that it was bang on time for my natural cycle so the 35 day IVF cycle hadn't messed my natural cycles up but also very sad as it's yet another period and another month ticked off. I keep hoping for a miracle to happen naturally but I think I need to focus on the next IVF cycle as after trying for so long I'm becoming resigned to the fact that may be our only hope. Reflexology session booked for next Thursday and second opinion at Create next Friday so looking forward to some positive steps. This hanging around and waiting is starting to take it's toll x


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## patbaz

Hey westies how are you huni??  I am patiently waiting for AF so I can have scratch and then new cycle? Lucky no 7 maybe? Am I mad

How's everyone else doing??


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## foxglove

Patbaz, not mad just a fighter for what you want. I have laparoscopy next Friday to see if they can unblock tubes and have ovarian drilling! Worth a shot I guess xx


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## patbaz

Oh good luck foxglove I hope it goes well for you huni xx


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## IloveWesties

patbaz said:


> Hey westies how are you huni?? I am patiently waiting for AF so I can have scratch and then new cycle? Lucky no 7 maybe? Am I mad


Hi Patbaz I'm OK thanks lovely  Looking forward to our appointment on Friday and have a busy week ahead so hoping that will make time go quickly as I'm getting bored of the waiting now.

When is your AF due? I hope you don't have to wait long. Let me know if you join a new cycle thread when you get started and I'll follow your journey. I have everything crossed for you that this is your turn. I agree with Foxglove, I don't think you're mad at all. You have every right to want to be a mummy and like me, I'm sure you'd do absolutely anything to make that happen.

Take care of yourself and wrap up warm!

Hope everyone else is well and there are lots of positive plans forming. 2015 is our year! xxx


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