# Bad day, just need to write it down!



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

So I was graced with the wonderful AF yesterday... as if that wasn't a bad enough reminder that i'm still not pregnant, it decides to be really heavy and a lot more painful than usual. It's so bad, I had to phone in sick at work today and i'm currently taking refuge on my sofa with a hot water bottle (after spending most of the morning, curled up in a ball in bed crying my eyes out) pain + infertility is just the worse feeling ever. I'm trying to lose weight for IVF at the moment and i'm trying so hard, harder than ever before but I've got PCOS + "mild endo" so that makes everything doubly worse and when I'm on I can barely move let alone follow a diet and exercise regime and I just keep thinking, will it ever get better than this? I feel so alone. I never had a thriving social life before IF but now I have no-one to talk to, no proper friends and just no life really. I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful fiance who puts up with all my sh&t and a wonderful mum + a sister and stepdad, but my dad and his side of the family don't really bother anymore, I think my dad's brother's wife (my auntie) talks to me more than my actual dad. She also suffered years and IF and miscarriages so she understands but I don't want to burden her with my stories all the time and I don't want to depress and upset my mum either, I put her through enough when I was a teen!   Truth is, it's taking all my strength not to binge, drink, smoke, hurt myself etc and i've just become so numb. I really don't know how to feel anymore.

Sorry to have a rant but I just needed to get it off my chest and i'm sure some of you ladies (+ gents!) feel similar to me! 

Hoping it will get better soon   Carls x


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)




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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Just sending you lots and lots of hugs xxxxxxx

It sounds like you're already having a really difficult time without AF adding to it. Well done for restraining yourself from binging, drinking etc, especially from self harming. It's very tempting when all you want to do is physically vent and transform the anguish into something physical but you end up feeling 100 times worse. So well done for keeping your shizz together and battling through everything.

If you feel you can't talk to those around you, would you consider speaking to the Samaritans? You don't need to be suicidal or anything to talk to them and all they do is listen, no advice, just listen. You can phone, text and email them. I found them very useful when I was feeling hugely overwhelmed while DH was hundreds of miles away and I didn't feel like I could talk to anybody. They were amazing at just listening. If you're having feelings to self harm then I really recommend talking to them as a late night lifeline. As an almost lifelong self harmer, I find the worst times are at night and evening when I'm tired and don't feel like I can just phone mum or DH but desperately need to. Having the Samaritans there is great knowing that if I'm struggling then I can phone them any time of day.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Keep going, cry it out and keep the hot water bottles coming xxxxx

/links


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you Scribbles! 

I'll look into the samaritans, thank you again xx


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