# Snowdrop negative cycle support



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi girls, 

I was so hoping that none of us would have to be chatting here but sadly many of us have not had our dream become a reality this time.  
Hopefully with some familiar faces on here we can support each other through until our next cycles and beyond. I'm feeling a little lost, lonely, and like I'm just getting on with it, almost like I'm looking in on myself. Many people think that because you are no longer physically having treatment that you're ok, when emotionally you're not and really your falling to pieces inside. 
As we have all found out from the wonderful threads on here that chatting helps, so let's keep chatting and supporting one another.   

Together we will get through this and our dream WILL become reality! 

Ktcuddles


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## lindylou1

Hi Ktcuddles,

Sorry to hear your treatment has come to an end without a positive result.

I wasn't a snowdrop so hope you don't mind me joining you on this thread.

We have just finished our first IVF cycle which sadly ended BFN. I too am feeling quite lonely and lost. I have been very tearful and feeling down since my AF arrived early last Sunday. DH has been supportive but I think he is starting to struggle to cope with my mood swings and irrational busting into tears over the slightest little thing. I feel like I just want to shut myself away and hibernate until it's time for us to try our FET cycle. I'm feeling very anti-social and am dreading going into work this afternoon.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling crap too and you are right when you say chatting helps. It is good to be able to talk to people who know exactly what you are going through.

 Lynn


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi lindylou1,

Of course you are very welcome! I was reading through posts etc and found so many people seemed to disappear once they have a negative cycle and that worried me as we all really need support, even if it is just to let our emotions out!   

I'm so sorry you're feeling This way too Hun   don't feel bad about feeling so sad, your dh is probably finding your emotions hard to cope with because he feels there is nothing he can do, and I'm sure he wishes he could make it all better. You need to do what you feel is best for you and you're dh, and if that means shutting yourself away for a few weeks then that's what you should do, that's exactly what we have done and we only do what we have to, I've even given up cooking properly and cleaning (very unlike me!  ) we are only just starting to put social things in our diary and it's been a month now. I'm sure it will all come back, but for now I just don't feel like being "normal"

Keep chatting sweetie  

Ktcuddles


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## lindylou1

Ktcuddles,

It's so good to speak to someone who knows what you are going through. 

I am totally with you on the cooking/cleaning thing. We have eaten takeaways/eaten out all weekend and I have done minimal cleaning all week. I am usually OCD about cleaning!    Have been feeling a bit guilty about all of that and also my lack of execise as I am a bit of a fit freak usually. I just feel like I have let everything slide. I need to give myself a good shake and get back to normal  .

I hope we both start to feel better soon.


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## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks Hun, so do I!!!!! 

Ps I've tried the shaking thing just makes me eat chocolate!!!


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## LadyKtcuddles

Just wanted to say that everyone is welcome here!   (it's not exclusive to snowdrops)

Keep chatting ladies!!! 
Ktcuddles


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## lindylou1

I don't need to do the shaky thing to eat chocolate. I should really have taken out shares in Cadbury the amount of dairy milk and giant buttons I get through!  

Hope you have a good day today  . I am about to head off to work. Hopefully someone will have brought in cakes, there are usually cakes on the go!

xxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Ther you go Hun.... Cakes! ... There is an upside to going to work!  

Have good day!


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## lisa n

Hi ladies

Ktcuddles + lindylou1 - just wanted to give you both a big    as i feel your pain   

lisa n xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi Lisa n, 

Extra big   to you hunny, we are always here for support, no holes barred & whatever you're feeling  

Ktcuddles


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## binkyboo

Hey ladies, I found you KT!!!   

I am totally with you on how you feel, bit about me, I have endometreosis and had my first cycle of icsi, throughout the stimming etc, everything went well they were pleased with every appt, I had between 7-8 follies and had ec last monday, sadly I only got one egg, which even more sadly didnt fert, they said it was mature, sperm was fine, injected well but just didnt fert, tbh I cant remember a lot about the call      , I have my follow up on the 11th April unless I can get a cancellation. I have so many questions I want to ask them, especially the worry about my endo getting worse before my next cycle, I have already sent the form in for the 2nd NHS attempt. I have also made an appointment for a open evening in a private clinic.

At the moment I just feel empty, I feel cheated that I didnt get to go any further, this happening never occured to us   , I am dreading AF arriving, goodness knows when that will be. I went back to work today, which was ok, but felt like I was walking around in a daze, I am also struggling with missing my mam who passed away 8 yrs ago, I know my dad is fab, but its not the same as my mam.  I just hope they can change something next time for me to hopefully produce more eggs, my amh was 9.1 and they said that was fine, I am just so confused, empty, upset, angry, tired, tearful, but then in another was grateful for what I do have, does that make sense

Sorry for a depressing post but had to get that off my chest.    .

Lets hope this thread can be the start of beautiful friendships!!!

xxxxx


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## winterberg

Hi girls, thanks for inviting me KT 
I've been keeping up to date on the Snowdrops hall of fame and praying that some BFPs up the statistics but it doesn't take away the feeling of emptiness I have from the results of my first cycle 

But, it's been 4 weeks for me now (my ET was canceled as the embies didn't make it) and i'm feeling a lot more positive. Still angry/frustrated with the clinic for their lack of answers/information/recommendations but I guess it's normal to feel that way.. and i'm still demanding more follow up meetings. I'm sure my doc thinks i'm a pain in the ass!

The great news for me is that my sister who was also on her first round of IVF (2 days behind me!) did get a BFP so i'm reassured to know that it can and does work.. it just needs a bit of luck, positive attitude and a sprinkling of fairy dust.

Would love to stay on and support/help where i can.. I'm definitely no expert but i'll be getting back into a new cycle hopefully in April so would love to keep in touch. It's been a massive help having this message board to read and add to.

Sending you all a lot of    and look forward to us all getting some good news at some point. 

Binkyboo, so sorry to hear your news  .
KT, Lisa & Lindylou   to you too.

WB xxxx
ps All i've done for two weeks is eat out.. definitely felt like i deserved a few treats


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## Mell39

Hi Kt cuddles, thanks for the invite   

Am feeling much the same as you girls, a little lost and unsure of what to do next    .  Am waiting to hear when follow up appointment is and we have lots of questions to ask, I'm in 2 minds whether to go again, but DP thinks if they can give us some answers we should have another go, as 1st cycle, although we only had 4 eggs and 2 fertilised they where high grade, so bit bemused why we had no fertilisation this time, although my AMH is only 3, so maybe my eggs are just too old   

I went back to work at the weekend, so thats keeping me distracted, and Af has arrived, which not so good   .
I'm with you girls on losing PMA, and chocolate can't get enough of it, which is not good when your supposed to be on a health kick   

Mel x


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## doddyclaire

Hi girlies!

Glad you found somewhere to all stay in touch, hugs to you all   

Think i'll be joining you on Wed, been bleeding since Saturday so not really holding out much hope for OTD 

xxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Binkyboo, winterberg, and mell39 ! Glad you've found us!  

Binkyboo- Your post wasn't depressing Hun, I'm sure you have only said what a lot of girls are feeling right now, including me! The feelings you are having are normal, I can only describe it as grief really, go with it Hun, don't put yourself under any more pressure than you already feel.  
We are very much in the same boat as you, all was going great 10 follies to begin with all grew at different rates, in the end we only had 2 follies so only 2 eggs. They said the same thing to us that the eggs were mature and sperm was good but still they did not fertilise.   we were told at our follow up appointment that they thought the first 2 weeks of DR were too much for all my follies to grow ( i think they maybe as layed back as i am   ) so we will be doing the short protocol next time, which means you don't have the first 2weeks of DR. That's a bonus I suppose as I won't have so many injections to do!  

Winterberg-    we must have been at about the same time, it's been a month for me too and I'm still feeling this way, although today has been something that slightly resembles normal! 
Great news about your Sister, that gives us all hope  
Hope you get all your answers soon Hun, keep us posted! 

Mell39-   give yourself time sweetie, I'm sure once you have all those questions answered you will find the energy to have another go, as I was told, the first cycle is a test to see how your body responds, so they will have a better idea of what to do next time.   for your bad af Hun

Doddyclaire- we've all still got our fingers crossed for you hunny!   for you too    

Sending you all huge   and hope that you find the support from us lot! Like binkyboo says...
Hopefully the start of some beautiful friendships!  

Keep chatting girls! 

Ktcuddles


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## binkyboo

Hey, we are growing!!!!! Hope everyone is ok tonight, I have been for an aromatherapy massage tonight and feel so chilled ATM!! Cinema and meal when the girls
Tomorrow!! xxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Binkyboo- sounds lovely! Jealous much! Enjoy the cinema, what are you going to see?


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## binkyboo

Don't know yet, see what chick flick we can find!!! xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Lovely, sounds like just what you need! Dh and I have got a dance lesson tomorrow, I know it sounds 'old' but we enjoy it, we have to concentrate soooo hard on the steps that we forget all our troubles for an hour   and it gives us a bit of exercise, especially the stomach muscles from all the laughing   about how rubbish we are!


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## binkyboo

Sounds fab! Have fun xx


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## lindylou1

Hi Ktcuddles,

How are you this morning? Hope you are okay.

Well, I survived work yesterday without any major emotional outbursts. The cakes did help!!!! As did the family bag of cadbury's giant buttons 

Hello to everyone else who has joined this thread. Looking forward to chatting to everyone.

This is just a quick drop in to say hello as I am rushing off to work and am running late as usual!

Speak soon,

Lynn xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls! How are you all today? 

Hi Lindylou! I'm good today thanks, Im glad work wasn't too horrible for you yesterday,   
I started my health kick yesterday with a cadburys cream egg and a couple of chocolate biscuits!  
Starting again today!!!!! Am doing the Rosemary Conley 'inch loss plan' as I have quite a few inches I'd like to lose   I have to be good as we've got a couple of boozy dinner party weekends coming up! I might just have 1 last packet of chocolate buttons now you've mentioned it though!  

We are  going to see a doctor on Friday who specialises in homeopathy/naturopathy, he does this test that accurately diagnoses up to 30,000 body elements, and accurately scans for allergies, nutritional deficiencies, toxicity, biochemical imbalances and disturbances, and organ malfunctions! 
Any problems are treated with nutritional supplements, homeopathic, and herbal remedies. 
I know all this might seem a bit drastic, but I really need to feel in control of something and to make sure that my body is in the best condition it can be in preparation for next tx. 
I'm quite nervous yet excited about it! 

Anyway, what's happening with everyone else? 

Ktcuddles


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## lisa n

Hi girles

lindylou - glad you survived work - it will get better    and of cause anything naughty helps   

Ktcuddles - good luck with the docs on friday i think its good you have something to focus on and have a positive outlook on things and i sooo get the feeling of being in control    i think we all need a game plan at times

Hi mell - you ok been thinking of you too    im still waiting to hear from ocean suite as well and yes the    turned up to    i really dont think we will be having any more tx (unless they say  "hey we made a huge mistake and here's a free go") but like you there are questions to be answered and i need to put some closure on it all   

Doddyclaire -   its not over    for your "golden egg"   

right off to work im afraid would love to chat all day but needs must    
lisa n xxx


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## Nordickat

Hello and   to those of you hurting right now.

Failed cycles are the ultimate in loneliness and I think having a place to go and rant, rave, cry and hopefully giggle a bit too, is a great way to help the healing process.

Thinking of you all, 
 Katxxx


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## Nordickat

PS. It doesn't sound at all drastic Kt. Half the battle with this is feeling we have control of as many things as we can.


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi! 

Lisa n-   I hope you get all the answers that you need for closure hunny   when's your follow up appointment? 

Nordickat-   lovely to hear from you! I was wondering about you! How are you holding up? Will you be having another go Hun? 
And you're right again... I suppose we all need a certain amount of control.  

Afm- still feel like I'm floating along between weekends, dinner parties, birthdays, work etc. Luckly my dad has given me enough money for dh and I to go and see my aunt and uncle in barcelona in April, we are truly spoilt when we go so that's something to look forward to!
Anyway, I've had my chocolate buttons   ironically the packet had a little pink pig on the front of it! Made me chuckle!  

Hope everyone  ok? 

Ktcuddles


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## winterberg

Hi ladies,
Glad everyone's enjoying their chocolate buttons - a girl's gotta have some treats right!? I just wolfed down a pepperami on the way back from shopping.. living in Dubai i think that is almost illegal but it was such a nice treat ha!

Lisa, I hope you get your answers - I know how you feel.. still trying to get some kind of answers to plan our next tx around..  

Kat, sorry to see you on here.. I was following you on Snowdrops  

I have a very good feeling about you Doddyclaire   and as much as it would be lovely to see you on here giving your very special level of pma, I really hope that tomorrow brings you good news xx

Hello to everybody else too, what a nice bunch  

AFM, I've just had a lovely long overdue massage and going to get an early night. I think i'll be starting next round in early April so tomorrow marks the start of getting back to healthy. It's been great having a couple of weeks off but I think I could have made more of an effort on my first tx and really want to this time to give it the best possible shot!

I'm not sure if you ladies know this but apparently acupuncture can improve your chances by 17%..! Seeing as we're all going to be pin cushions anyway, seems wise to book in a few treatments! If you have any other tips, please share xx

Sweet dreams xxx wb


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## ANGELA29A

just popping on to bookmark, will post in few days when bfn has sunk in.xxxx


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi Kt, found you.....

Least i know where we are now so can keep posted.

Hi to everyone else, sorry its a sad place to meet again, but thinking positive, we can all cycle together on the our next one and hopefully have better outcomes xxx

Just been chuckling at your posts about cadburys, it is the best chocolate and think you'd all love to live where i do... as we have a cadburys factory here and you wake up some mornings smelling the chocolate lush... db's dad used to work there for years until he passed away few years back, you wouldnt think we'd have one here as were out in the country (well a little village).

I'm on a healthy eating kick and been the gym etc tonight and had tea but fancying some kind of pudding so going for a ww pud as there rather nice.

Hope your all having a lovely evening.

lots of hugs 

Sam xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Sam! Hi! 

Lovely to 'see' you,   even if it is under sad circumstances. 
Are you having your next cycle asap Hun? 
You seem very motivated with the gym etc, is it something you've started in prep for your next cycle? 
Maybe living where you do you're on a permanent chocolate high   now that would be nice wouldn't it!!!!!  

Winterberg- very jealous of your massage, I think I'm well over due for one too! 
Interesting about the acupuncture, Have you been having it? I had been told by our consultant that there was no evidence to support the fact that it could increase your chances, however, he did say that it can be very relaxing? Maybe its that that helps, I'm not really sure what to believe??
It will be interesting to see if the doc we're going to see on Friday can shed any light on the whole thing! 

Anyway,  I managed to tie my legs in knots doing the rumba tonight, we made the girl who teaches us laugh,   she must be all of 18! It was fun though! 

Sweet dreams girls see you tomorrow.

Ktcuddles


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## Nordickat

Cadburys ....... mmmmmmmmmm. I can only dream of such a delicacy. On the plus side its easier to be healthy when cadburys doesn't exist lol. Do you take a deep breath every morning to kick start your day Sam?

There is no real scientific evidence that acupuncture works, well there is, but then there are as many publications that say it doesn't work. I personally think its all in your mind and if you want it to help and believe that it will help, then it will. And how can that be a bad thing. Also, it is lovely and relaxing which can only be good too. I say go for it Winterberg   

Angela -   we'll still be here when you are ready   

I'm at a meeting with Euro Boffins all week so got to dash and do boffin type stuff lol. Its good being away actually, I know only one person here so its quite refreshing to be surrounded by strangers. In fact its less lonely right now beig surrounded by strangers than it is being surrounded by friends .... does that make sense to any of you? We are having another go Kt, as for how I am, I'm not sure really   . We are doing donor sperm IVF this time and I think we might wait until May start again. I know some of you are desperate to go again, but you really should take a break for your mental as well as physical health. 

Right mass arrival of Boffins so must go, 
Thinking of you are and I hope today is brighter than yesterday, 
Katxxx


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## doddyclaire

Morning ladies, well I can officially join you, got my BFN this morning  

Kind of knew it would be, but that doesn't make it ok.
Am soooo glad I arranged to work at home today & tomorrow

xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire, I'm soo sorry sweetie,    I was really hoping a little miracle would happen for you   my heart goes out to you and your dh, be kind to yourself, we are all here for you to cry and rant with, give yourself time to grieve sweetie.  
I really hope we can support you through this tough time  

Nordickat, I completely understand that it's easier to be surrounded by strangers  at the moment, for me I think it's because they inject some sort of normality and we don't have any expectations of them,  you don't have to pretend to be anything your not! 
I'm finding it difficult to talk to friends and family at the moment as they can only sympathise, and I don't want to be seen as 'making a meal' out of my feelings. It must be difficult for them to understand the ups and downs of emotions.  

It's great to have everyone here to chat to and makes me feel like I'm not completely insane!  

Ktcuddles


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## ANGELA29A

its lovely to see all our snowdrops back together a shame its under sad circumstances. 
If anyone intertested going to start a weight loss thread for my next cycle, and anyone else who wants to join, or can combine it on here if ok with you kt, and what everybody one else wants to do. for me thats the only thing i change for final cycle, im top of BMI, and want to be mid range.xx
let me know your thoughts.xxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi Angela,   
Weight loss thing wherever you want to do it is great with me!!!! I could do with the motivation and support, I've got a stone and a half to lose! 
I know it's early days for you Hun, but do you have an idea of when your next cycle will be?


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## doddyclaire

I'm guessing it will get easier huh?  I cannot stop crying this mornin, feel so goddamn empty, and defeated.  Follow up on 18th March.  I stupidly ordered a mothercare catalogue last week and it landed on the mat this morning.  I don't quite know how im supposed to cope??

I'll join in the weight loss thing Angela.


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## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire,   my sweet,   one step at a time, You don't need to cope, and nor should you feel you have to! you need to do what you feel is best for you,  and don't feel bad about being selfish you have been through a lot! You will go through a whole range of emotions sweetie and this is perfectly normal   my personal advice.... Cry LOTS! from experience, it really doesn't help to hold it in.


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## Nordickat

Claire I'm so so sorry   you will find that you do cope, I have no idea how it happens but it does and we always find some way through. I think those of us in the failed tx pose are made of tougher stuff than we think. There is no right and wrong way to feel though, you just feel how you feel and you have to just go with it. Cry when you need to and don't feel guilty if something makes you smile. Thinking of you.

Kt - being surrounded by this particular bunch of strangers makes me feel so much better about myself ..... they are seriously weird!!! A very high percentage of big beards   . I didn't tell a single friend this time so they all just think I'm a miserable old cow.

Katxxx


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## lisa n

Ah claire      xxxx i wish you could feel these hugs im holding you and emma very tightly xxx


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## lisa n

feeling quite    at the moment too - it has not been a great start to the year for us as a family 
firstly my cousins little boy is still recovering from meningitis, tx failed and my mum had her dog put down yesterday   

but im sure the sun will shine for us all later in the year    
love to all lisa n xxxxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Lisa n,   oh Hun,  it all seems to come at once doesn't it!  
I'm convinced that we have luckier times of the year, for the last 4 years in a row the beginning of the year has been pants,  but the the last quarter has been great! Am hanging on to that!  

Big   to you sweetie.


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## Singers

Ktcuddles thank you so much for starting this thread. My OTD is tomorrow but I have a feeling it will be a BFN as I've had a migraine all day and pain in the pelvis area, which are classic signs for me that AF is on her way! I know this might sound silly but I have been trying to prepare myself for a BFN by writing a list of all things I want to do before the next treatment cycle. I guess I just want to make sure I keep myself busy and focus on other aspects of my life. I am now so glad to have found this support thread as I know you ladies are so wonderful and understanding. KT, nordickat - I fully know what you mean about being surrounded by strange. Only one friend here in Singapore knows that I am having treatment. If I was back in London I know that my friends who are well meaning would be tip toeing around me. 
Well I will let you know what happens tomorrow but I am so pleased there is somewhere I can find support should my instincts be correct. 
Singers


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## J9L

Hi all

Do you mind a newbie joining? I like most of you completed my first cycle of ICSI with a OTD of 2 Feb (BFN).

Like most of you I have been through all the tears and guilt etc but now I am trying to focus on moving forward.

When are all of you starting your next cycles? I have my follow up app next Wed 15th March so will see what they say. I'm hoping they can give me some answers but don't think it works that way. I hope I can start next cycle asap.

Are any of you ladies going to start straight away again? Is it advisable to wait?

Singers- keeping everything crossed for you.

J xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Singers huge   hunny, I'm sending you loads of    and really    for you, there's still hope Hun, I'm glad you've found us if you need us, always here   keep us posted and fingers crossed for tomorrow.

J9L- welcome Hun! I'm so sorry for you bfn   it's so sad and unfair that so many of us have to go through this  
My next cycle will be in June, I had to wait six months before we could have another go, originally I was quite upset about it but now I've had time to think, it's probably for the best as we can feel that we are doing everything to prepare ourselves physically and mentally. Our doc was very good at our follow up appointment and he answered all our questions, we will be on short protocol next time. 
Hope you get the answers you want in your follow up, and I'm sure they will give you advice on starting next cycle asap.  

Love and  
Ktcuddles


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## ANGELA29A

KT, should be around 6 months time. we have to legally wait that time, due to nhs guidelines etc.my follow up wont be til ive had 2 periods either.
Ill post a thread for weight loss. 

Been a traumatic day, still cramping quite bad, couldnt get through to clinic, so went to own GP sat up there 2 hours!!! cut a long story short they done hpt negative, took bloods for beta and hcg, going to rush them back for tonight.
My own gp, thinks im not bleeding enough?? and lining not come away properly?? or could be an eptopic pregnancy ?? never a dull moment!!!! have to await bloods to next step.  joy  not...


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## ANGELA29A

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=257917.0
thread for weight loss.xxx


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## Nordickat

Angela - just to put your mind at rest a little - not everybody bleeds like crazy with all the clots you read about. I hardly bleed at all, and my BFN af is always just the same as a 'normal' one, so I'm sure everything is fine, well as fine as it can be when your heart is broken   

J9L -   to you too and so sorry you  find yourself here.

SIngers - I hope we don't see you here tomorrow  

Lisa -   things come in 3s remember so that is your bad luck over and done with now and the only was is up 

Kt- now you have got your crappy new year over with, things will only get better for you too now   

Most important decision of my day coming up ......... 2nd slice of chocolate cake or not  . 

Have a nice evening one and all, 
 Katxxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Angela, how stressful for you Hun    

We should be having our next cycle at roughly the same time again   as we have to wait six months too, it will be the end of June for us   

Kat- I do hope you had The second slice of cake?


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## J9L

Hi all

Why do you need to wait 6 months? I am also a NHS patient and we have to wait 6weeks to ensure 1 menstrual cycle? I hope they don't say we need to wait 6 months, but like you say it might be good to have a break.

Angela- I hope you are ok, let us know how you get on    

Kat- go fo it, I'll be hitting the wine and cake when I get in, then will probably regret it. 

Angela- I will need the weight loss thread for after the cake ha ha.

Hope everyone is ok.

J xx


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## Nordickat

J9L - I would personally wait for more than one af. I have had scans during my waiting and I know my ovaries take a few months to get back to normal and I feel I need to give them a rest before making them work so hard again. It usually takes me 2 or 3 cycles to ov again so I always wait 3 months, but 4 this time. Thats just me though.

I had the 2 pieces of cake and feel a bit sick now lol. I have a big conference dinner later with more cake then too ...... my health kick starts Monday


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## LadyKtcuddles

J9L- we were told that we had to wait six months on nhs if I was under 38 but would be able to have had another go only a couple of months later if I had been over 38   crazy really! 
Like kat said, I'm quite pleased about the wait now, give us time to prepare for next go!


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## wicks

hi girls!!    so pleased to see us all together again! (but not - if that makes any sense) thanks for the invite KT.

ive decided to follow the trend with a nice massage and have booked one up for friday morning!  2 hours of pampering.  i feel like my back neck and shoulders are in knots and cant wait to feel less tense.

i too have been feeding continually.  at anything available really!! this afternoon was banana and chocolate chip cake x3 slices!  its not good.  i need to get back to some exercise and get my body into good condition again, but slowly does it.  i think we'll be having another tx in may so we have some time to repair/recover/mend.  i wanted to start again immediately, but i think it was just to try and take my mind off the sadness.  ive accepted now that we need to heal inside and out, mind and body.

i have a ski trip to look forward to a week sunday with our family - 18 of us!  im really looking forward to getting away and to the peaceful mountains and fresh air.  hope i dont struggle too much as a result of my zero exercise lately!

anyway....its so nice to be able to carry on chatting with you all!

sorry again to hear your bad news angela and claire   
hugs to you all!
wicks xxxxx


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## lindylou1

Hi girls,

big   to everyone.

It's so nice to see everyone supporting each other, and what a busy thread, it's taken me a while to catch up and read all the posts.

Sam - I am so jealous of you living near a Cadbury factory. My DH's parents don't live too far away from one and I am always asking DH to take me for the tour when we are down visiting but he keeps forgetting. He probably wouldn't be able to get me out of the place though!

Nordickat - I cannot imagine a world without Cadbury's. How do you cope?!? Hope your boffin meetings are going well. 

Doddyclair - Sorry to hear about your BFN. I know how awful you must be feeling as we just had one too. Life seems so cruel at times, doesn't it? I am so grateful that I have such lovely people to speak to here who know exactly what I am going through.

Kt - Hope you are ok. Your Barcelona trip sounds good, you deserve to be spoilt! 

Angela - Hope you are okay. Have you had the results of your blood tests yet? 

Singers - Good luck for tomorrow.   that you get good news. 

J9L - Hope your follow-up app goes okay on 15th. 

Lisa n - Hope you are feeling better. I am sure things will pick up for you now. 

Wicks - I noticed you mentioned you are planning to start tx again in May. We are hoping to start our FET cycle in May. We have our follow up appointment on 14 March to discuss our next step. Hope you enjoy your ski-trip. Where are you going?

For everyone who was interested in Accupuncture, I had accupuncture throughout our IVF cycle. While it didn't get us a BFP it definitely helped to ease the stress and I felt quite calm throughout the whole treatment including the majority of the tww.

I am off the next couple of days and am planning to get my now chubby ass back to the gym. It's incredible how much wobble I have acquired over the past few weeks! Think my gym gear will be straining at the seams!

Apologies if I have missed anyone,

Lynn xx


----------



## binkyboo

Hey all , to all the snowdrops who had bfn's today                    .

Hope everone else is ok, only a quick one for me as off for an early night, Wales has an election tomorrow and I am working in the Polling station from 6.30am to 10 pm so off to bed soon. 

Am not too bad just trying get on with things, speak more soon.

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi ladies! How are we all doing today? 

I've had a crazy start to my day, been running around like a crazy woman!

     to everyone! 

Kt


----------



## ANGELA29A

bloods  (hcg )were very low so didnt even have a pregnancy:0(((( 
but still dont really know why got so much pain this time> just said everything is contracting back, if pain gets too much or bleed too heavy, to go to A & E great help not !!!!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh Hun, that's not helpful is it! I suppose that's the difference between a GP and a specialist! Are you going to still contact your clinic? They might be able to reasure you a little better!  

Hi wicks, lovely to see you hunny!  

BIG BIG   to everyone all! 

Ktcuddles


----------



## doddyclaire

Hello ladies,

Well i've made it thru today so far with only two crying jags so MUCH better than yesterday, still cant face going back to work yet, so working at home again tomorrow.  Had a lovely visit from my mum today, armed with flowers 

Hope you're all ok 

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Good evening ladies! 

Doddyclaire- I'm glad your feeling a little better hunny   and bless your mum   I think it must be really difficult for mums to know what they can do to ease the pain, some quality time and some flowers was exactly what the dr ordered I would imagine.


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Evening girls

Big hugs to everyone who is needing them right now xxxxx

Kt - Your trip to Barcelona sounds lovely bet you cant wait to go xx

Doddyclaire - so sorry to hear you news, its pants when is a bad result, hope your feeling ok and you start to feel a bit better xx

Lisa - sorry to hear you've had a bad start to the year, lets hope the rest of the year is a good one for you, keep your chin up xx

Wicks - have a fab holiday, go and have fun and enjoy it, it will do you the world of good xx

Hi to everyone one else, hope your all doing ok??

Start of a long weekend for me, booked Friday and Monday off to use some holidays soo glad too.  Doing a bike ride round Lake Vrynwy Saturday, lets hope its a nice day, good bit of exercise as well, we do it every year in memory of my dad who we lost 9 years ago on Monday, even did it in snow one year that was fun...

Anyway hugs to you all and have a lovely evening xxx

Sam xx


----------



## Nordickat

Claire - I hope, after a few more days off work, you'll be ready to face the world again. Being back at work is hard though, even after the crying has stopped. I find it hard that the things just carry on as if nothing has happened, everything is just normal. Everybody else moves on with theirs lives and I feel like I just stagnate. I hope with some mum type tlc today and somt DH type tlc over the weeekend, that you feel better by monday.

Kt - I hope running around like mad was a good distraction for you but I hope your afternoon was easier than your morning  .

Sam - I hope the sun shines on you on saturday  

Angela - I'm still sure everything is fine inside and your body is just going back to normal. Its been through so much recently. I hope the pain eases quickly to put your mind at rest   

Binky - I hope you managed your mammouth day today. Thats a loooong day.

Lynn - the boffins got too much and I sneaked home a day early   My top tip for the wobble issue is to not move about too much and then you can't see it wobbling   . I hope the gym clears your head.

Wicks - where are you skiing? I find it a fab cure to tx worries. I hope you get some lovely fresh powder ...... I love the feeling of floating over deep snow   And as for the cake, the banana is one of your 5 a day and the chocolate chips raise your serotonin levels nicely   

 to everyone else too.

I had a really rubbish day today. My puppy (he's nearly 2 now) has a broken leg but we didn't know it was broken and now its been broken too long and they might not be able to fix it and I feel terrible guilt   Then Dh and I had a huge row over the phone about it and I had to try so hard not to cry for the next 3 hours on the train and decided, quite irrationally, that I was going to leave him   . I think I might still be a bit vulnerable lol. I have had loads of puppy cuddles though now and feel a bit better.

Night night all, 
 Katxxx


----------



## lindylou1

Evening everyone,

big   all round.

Kat, sorry to hear you've had a bad day. Don't blame yourself about your puppy, you weren't to know it was broken so there was nothing you could have done. I had the irational thing over the weekend, poor DH didn't know if he was coming or going. It must be par for the course by the sounds of things. I like you idea of not moving to stop the wobble! Moving very slowly causes less wobble too I have found!

Kt, sounds like you have had a bit of a crazy day, hope you are relaxing this evening.

Claire, It's nice to hear you have been feeling a bit better today. Hope you had a lovely day with your mum.

Sam, hope you have a lovely long weekend. What a lovely thing to do in memory of your Dad. Hope the weather is kind to you.

Angela, sorry to hear you are in such pain. Hope you feel better soon. 

Binky, how did the election go? You must be shattered after such a long day. 

Hi to everyone else too.

AFM, I made it to the gym and did a spinning class and boy was it hard. Think my legs will be a tad sore tomorrow! Was good to get back into the gym and I felt much better for it. Have kinda undone all the hard work by raiding the biscuit tin when I got home and have poured myself a LARGE glass of wine as DH is working late.  

Lynn xx


----------



## Mell39

Hi everyone

Claire - glad you feeling a bit better, its been 2 weeks since we had our negative result, and one minute am fine and the next am crying at the new wethers advert, where the dad's are hugging there children     

lindylou - just you mentioning your spinning class has brought me out in a sweat    

Kat - sorry to hear about your puppy, bet he loved his cuddles when you got home

Sam - hope you enjoy your bike ride, sounds a lovely thing to do in the memory of your dad

KT - hope you day became less crazy   

AFM - have just finished my marathon stint at work and DP taking me away for weekend, good food good beer and time to just chill    

Hope eveyone has a good weekend 

Mel xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Sam- a long weekend, lovely! the bike ride sounds like a lovely thing to do too  

Kat-   and a big   for your little pup. I hope you've managed to make up with dh? All these up and down emotions can really catch you off guard and take their toll.  

Lindylou- well done on doing your spinning class! I wish I had your motivation!   

Mell- enjoy your weekend Hun, get yourself some pampering!  

Afm- I managed to slow down just as I slipped into a nice deep bath about an hour ago   am settled down with a large glass of wine too  
However even though keeping busy is good at the time, when I stop, I seem to be getting emotional, I may just be extremely tired and that doesn't help either. I totally agree with what you said to Claire kat, I couldn't quite put my finger on how I was feeling but you described it perfectly.  
Another busy day tomorrow and then off to see the guru doc, see if he can work some magic for us! 

Night girls
Big  

Kt


----------



## lindylou1

Mel, hope you enjoy your weekend away, will be nice to spend some quality time with your DP. xx

Kt, enjoy that well deserved glass of wine! Hope all goes well with the Guru doc tomorrow, let us know how it goes. xx


----------



## Nordickat

Kt - I'm really exicted for you going to the guru. I can't wait to hear what they say as it really is my kind of thing. Of your DH is like mine though he will think you and the Dr are bonkers lol. I am the same when I stop being busy too   . 

Lynn - I hope your legs are OK and that your arms we still strong enough to pull the cork out of another bottle. And life without Cadburys is hell. I got very excited about chocolate digestives while I was away this week ... its a very sad life that I lead lol.

Mel - have a fab weekend   where are you going?

DH didn't even mention our row so neither did I and all is well and pup  was so pleased to have his mummy home   . I'm off to the mountains now. We have a little bolt hole of a cabin (think big shed  ) with no power and no water and its the prefect place to hide from the world and try and make sense of the way things turn out sometimes. 

I hope you all have lovely weekends where ever you are, 
 Katxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi girls

Hope everyone has a nice weekend lined up?

We're out on the town tomorrow night with friends for beer & curry, if I can stop crying enough!!  Have been better but still it just catches me when i'm not prepared.
Am still getting nausea in the evenings and mornings, DP thinks we tested too soon,I know we didn't - I checked the paperwork, but there's always that little "what if" in my head.....silly I know.  If it was gonna work, we would be getting a positive result by now eh.  I peed on another stick this arvo, still neg......

xx


----------



## charlotte80

Hope you don't mind me joining the thread - found out on wednesday that our second cycle of icsi resulted in a BFN. We had the first cycle in july/august and I really thought it would work this time. We've been lucky to get a follow up appointment on the 16th so not long to wait for some answers...hopefully. 

I was hoping to finally have some good news..the past two years have been a rollercoaster - natural pregnancy in January 2009 which ended as a missed miscarriage when we went for 12 week scan. Then in the september we found out my husband had hodgkins lymphoma. He started 6 months of chemo. We were given the all clear so started ICSI. Couple of weeks after starting the treatment we were told the cancer had returned but carried on with treatment. We got the negative result and I had to start the new school term on the same day. My husband started more chemo and then had a stem cell transplant and then radio. We started the 2nd ICSI cycle to give us something positive to focus on. All went well this time but again hit with the BFN. I'm getting myself through the days at school (i teach 5/6 year olds) in one piece but then feel an emotional wreck when I get home. I feel going to work keeps my mind occupied.
I feel everyone else's pain and hope we all get what we really want soon.


----------



## lindylou1

Hello,

How are we all this evening? Hope you all have a good weeeknd and take time out to be kind to yourselves.

Charlotte, honey, what a horrible two years you have had. I am so sorry to hear about your DH's illness and that your tx wasn't successful. The tx and illness are both difficult enough to cope with on their own without having both to cope with at the same time. I find that work helps take my mind off things too and keeps me occupied. I'm sure your pupils will keep you entertained all day. My nephew is six and he comes out with the most hilarious things sometimes. I hope your appointment goes ok on 16th and that you get the answers you are after. Wishing your DH a full and speedy recovery too.  

Claire, Sorry you are still feeling the nausea, it's so cruel the way our bodies play tricks on us, as if it's not difficult enough as it is. I hope it passes soon. Enjoy your beer and curry tomorrow night, it will be good for you to get out and take your mind off things.

Kat, legs were not too bad this morning surprisingly, bit stiff when I got up but quickly eased off. There is always enough strength to pop a cork and if ever there wasn't there are always screw tops, where there's a will there's a way, he he! Hope you have a great weekend away in your bolt hole, sounds like the perfect getaway. 

Kt, How did your appointment go with the Guru? Can't wait to hear all about it.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all okay.

AFM, this is my day shift weekend so I have a lovely 7am to 6pm shift tomorrow   I'm not a fan of day shifts as I'm not really a morning person! We will probably have a chinese or indian takeout for tea and by the time I have that and a glass of wine I'll be knocking out big Z's and drooling on the sofa, how attractive   My health kick starts on Monday (honest)

 and  

Lynn xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi Charlotte, welcome along, oh my you've been thru the mill hunny, what an awful time for you & DH.  I hope you get some answers at your follow up, will you be cycling again?

Lindylou - glad the legs weren;t too bad!!  I'm starting back at the gym Sunday and am dreading the pain..

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening ladies! 

Doddyclaire- an enormous   for you, it's not silly to have 'what Ifs' Hun, Its only like double checking, and there's nothing wrong with that Hun.   I still did a test and we didn't even get to fertilisation!   but I thought that maybe because my dh & I were told to have   just before ec that some kind of miracle might have happened   sadly these types of miracle don't happen to us  

Charlotte- what a very sad and painful couple of years you  and dh have had   hope we can be of some support for you sweetie, and that you get all the answers you need  

Kat, lyndylou, & anyone else interested.... The guru doc was amazing! He firstly went through the routine questions, do you drink, smoke, drugs? And family history, looked in our mouths and at the palm of our hands, looked in my eyes, took some notes, wrote down the day we were born (Tuesday for both of us!) apparently it's significant! Then reeled off the things we should and shouldn't be eating, which was very interesting, then told us the days and times we should be trying to conceive!  . Followed by a detox plan and prescription for remedies that will help us!!!!!! OMG, sooo much to take in! 
ANY QUESTIONS?!?!?  

It was really good and made a lot of sense but I have to admit, I've come away feeling really p***ed off because we've had to do this anyway, it's so NOT fair


----------



## lindylou1

Kt, your Guru doc sounds like an interesting guy, in fact the whole thing sounds really intriguing. Wonder what significance the day you were born is. What sorts of things did he tell you both to eat? 

I can understand you feeling p'd off about it too though, it's so unfair that any of us have to go through any of this at all.


----------



## doddyclaire

Heeeeey girlies!!!  Just back from the pub, had a great nite out with good friends, good food and good booze!!  Feel like it is most definitely what the doc ordered!!  Think its gonna be a sluggish start to Sunday, supposed to be goin to the gym - OOOOPS )))))  haha!!

KT - think its cute you did a test anyway, and why not eh?!  Interestin what your guru said, i'm on the fence bout stuff like that, but hey if it works.... i'll buy it 

Well ladies, i'm gonna have a sneaky nite cap then off to the land of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

Hope you're all havin a good weekend
xxxx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Doddyclaire

Pleased to hear you're doing well.  I was (briefly) on the same 2WW thread as you. OTD 9 March, but AF showed up in force yesterday......   

Everyone

Hope you don't mind me joining this thread.we've now had 2 failed ICSI cycles at Guy's on the NHS and are wondering where to go from here. ARGC seem to have by far the best success rates - and say that lots of their patients have had failed cycles elsewhere. Does anyone have any experience with them?

MR
X



ARGC


----------



## Mell39

Claire - you post made me really laugh, you obviously had a good night out      Hope you not feeling it too much today. Did you get to the gym

KT cuddles - glad the appointment with the guru went well, but it is awful that we have to jump through hoops when other people just get pregnant by looking at each other     

AFM - had a fab weekend away, we just went up the road to Exeter, but had a couple of good nights on the beer and some good food and had a long chat about what too do next, still waiting for our follow up appointment, but DP's sister has offered to lend us the money on long term loan when we've decided what to do next 

Hope everyone else had a good weekend

Mel xx


----------



## doddyclaire

LOL, oh God did I feel crap this morning!!  Had forgotten how awful hangovers are!  
Feel better now, have been to they gym and boy that hurt too    All for the greater good tho 

Mell - Glad you had a good weekend away, and how lovely to know that your SIL can lend you the money for the next turn 

Hi Madeline Rose, sorry to see that you need to join us, but jump on in - we're a mad bunch   

Now off to cook a roast, bottle of white in the fridge for this evening, if I can stomach it 

xx


----------



## Nordickat

Claire - despite the hangover, I´m sure your night our did you there world of good.

Mel - I´m glad your weekend away was good and talking always seems more productive when you are out f the house I think. Fab news about your SiL too.

MR - I´m sorry you find your self here    ARGC do have great success rates but they do skew them by their acceptance criteria but they are worth a look I´m sure.

Kt -   I know its upsetting to even find yourself needing to talk to your guru but maybe you just have to be more pragmatic about it. You don´t have to see it as going to see him just to get your BFP, you are going to see him to make your body and mind a better place, not just for a baby to grow but but for your all round health and well being. If its not too long a list, what is his recommended foods and why? Actually thats probably a huge list so maybe just the most interesting highlights for those nosy people amongst us    and we can exchange whacky ideas lol.

Lynn - my health kick starts every monday and on a good week it can last all the way to tuesday   

Charlotte - so sorry to see you here too    Its been a tough journey for you to get this far and I hope your good luck is just around the corner.

 and   to everyone, 
Katxxx


----------



## lindylou1

Evenin' all,

Hope everyone has had a good weekend.

Claire, I'm so pleased to hear you had a good night out, it sounds like it did you the world of good. I have to say I am very impressed that you not only managed a trip to the gym with a hangover but you managed to cook a roast too, well done you! 

Madeline Rose, so sorry to read about nasty AF arriving early, we had the same thing a couple of weeks ago, it's so unfair isn't it.  

Mel, glad you had a good weekend, it's good just to get away and have some quality time. What a lovely thing for your sister in law to offer you the long term loan. When do you have your follow-up appointment?

Kat, how was your weekend in your bolt hole and how's puppy? 

AFM, two day shifts down and two to go. I am so looking forward to my day off on Wednesday. DH was getting mad at me this morning as I have this really annoying habit of snoozing my alarm several times on my early shift mornings before I manage to drag myself out of bed  .
I have been a lazy so-and-so over the weekend, zero exercise + much chocolate = ever increasing muffin top! 
Have booked myself in for gym classes every night this coming week and am determined to get back on track starting tomorrow. We have a wedding reception to go to on Saturday night and the dress I was planning on wearing is a bit on the tight side so I'm hoping to shed a couple of pounds before then if possible. Hmmm, think I may have left it a bit late  . I'll maybe need a last minute shopping trip for a new dress on Saturday!

Speak soon,

Lynn xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening girls! 

Madeline Rose- welcome hunny   feel free to off load!    

Doddyclaire- seems like you had a good time last night! And you were very brave to go to the gym this morning, well done! I too had MUCH to drink last night but it was a really good  and very funny evening! Nice to have some rest bite from miserable! 

Lindylou & kat- re the guru doc, it's more what he said we shouldn't eat really.... No beef, no milk, no bread unless from proper bakery, not even supermarket bakery, no tea or coffee (even decaff) for me, minimal meat, no soya, no fish! We were really surprised at this but it's only fish oils that are good, the fish meat is full of pollutants and mercury.
We can have... Veg, real butter ( not flora etc), brown unrefined sugar, organic eggs. Dh should have raw eggs (yuk!) he suggested it was put in a smoothie, he can have black tea or coffee. Extra good for us especially dh asparagus, cauliflower, anything from the cabbage family Brussels, broccoli, leeks.   
This together with the detox plan will help get rid of toxins and pollutants in our bodies, and the homeopathic remedies should help with the fertility!

Kat- Like you say we are thinking about it as being more healthy, I have to say I didn't realise we were soooooooo unhealthy!  

Mell39- your right, jumping through hoops is exactly it! I was telling my older sister about it all and she laughed and said it was all a bit silly, I was really annoyed and made a point of telling her that when you long for something so badly and have been trying for what seems to be forever, you want to feel that your doing all you can to improve your chances! She doesn't understand, she didn't even want children and she fell pg 1st month after getting married 3yrs ago and is having her 2nd next 
Monday!

How is everyone? Hope all had good weekend?


----------



## Madeline Rose

Thanks Kat and Lynn! 
Have now read some stories about ARGC patient experiences and decided to look at The Lister instead!

Claire, impressed you are cooking a roast! I had bought a leg of lamb, but couldn't be bothered cooking it, so DH has had to do the cooking yet again.....am a bit useless at the moment! Did manage to get out of the house for a few hours this afternoon tho

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of Sunday evening, am just tucking into my first glass of red for quite a few weeks.....  

MR
Xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Madeline Rose- enjoy your wine Hun you deserve it!


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

Lovely to hear youve have had a lovely weekend, had a lovely one too, they just go sooo quick dont they!!  Did our bike ride saturday morning which was nice but pretty dam cold but love doing it, (thank you for all you lovely posts about it), came home and shampooed the upstairs carpets when db sorted out the garage, ended the day with some vino but was ready for bed after two glasses...

Soo need to lose some weight but cant seem to shift any, was pretty good last week and went the gym 3 times and the bike ride saturday, but nope not an ounze come off, think i need to start being a bit more strict and maybe join ww again, would be happy with a stone, i'm sure the older i get the harder it is to shift, but i'm determine to do!!

Anyway hopinig you all have a fab week and role on the weekend (i know shouldnt wish my life away).

Big hugs to you all xx

Sam xxx


----------



## Nordickat

Lynn - my weekend was OK thanks but Pupster is very sore and its pulling at my weakened heart strings quite a lot  . We had to go skiing without him on Sunday and it ust wasn't the same.

MR - small steps. If you need some time hiding at home and you need some tlc from your DH then you just have to go with it. You'll be cooking again when your heart is good and ready   

Sam - I'm glad you enjoyed your bike ride and I'm sure your dad would have been chuffed to bits to see you out there   . Maybe you are making muscle as you burn fat since you had a break from the gym, maybe it just takes a while to see the difference on the scales. 

Kt - your guru sounds great and I'm glad he has given you something to focus on and suggested some constructive things you can do  . I just have to add something about the fish issue though. My job is to know what pollutants are in fish so I'm speaking as a scientist not a nutritionalist. The pollutants that he is talking about accumulate in the oils and not the meat generally and it is very much dependant on what fish you eat. Tuna does have lots of mercury and eels have lots of other bad stuff, but if you eat fish that is caught young and eat a variety of different fish then the chance of you eating too many nasty pollutants is pretty slim. I know exactly what is in fish and we often eat it 2 or 3 times a week although a differnt sort of fish each time. IMHO, based on science not detoxing, you expose yourself to a higher dose of the same chemicals by walking down a busy street, and the good that fish does you far outweighs the bad (if you avoid the bad ones). Sorry  , I just had to say that so your guru didn't frighten people off eating fish. You'll have to bake your own bread   . Interesting about the sugar though   . 

Right, time for work ...... writing a report on the chemicals in fish farming in fact   
Love to you all and I hope the sun shines on each of you today.
Katxxx


----------



## LouH

Hello Ladies!

*Ktcuddles* - thanks for the invite.

It has taken me a little while to take in the happenings of the past few weeks but feel ready now to join in again. I have been keeping up on everything in that time, so sorry ladies that you are all here, although I am a firm believer in fate and everything happens for a reason no matter how crappy it feels at the time...we have to think like this to get through and be positive for our next steps!

*Doddyclaire * - Am so sorry the golden egg didn't make it..you are just so positive you are amazing...sounds like you had a fun weekend. I too took to the pink sparkly stuff at the weekend and had too forgotton how horrid a hangover is!

*Samuel Jackson * - bike ride sounds fab...I am back to gym tonight - first zumba class, am hoping it doesn't make me feel like an uncoordinated fool!

*Nordickat * - Sorry about you puppy, hope he's on the mend now. Bolt hole sounds amazing...am SO jealous! Your job sounds very interesting too...I agree on the fish as food. I was told by my nutririonalist that fish 2-3 times a week is good but to avoid tuna and shark (I think). Tend to get in fresh cod / haddock and do enjoy some smoked salmon or mackrel. I also take an omega supplement that has DHA in it. Worst thing ever to take though!!!

*Madeline Rose* - sorry for your 2 failed cycles, I to got AF with force at only 9DPET so I know how you feel. I also too have hummed and arhed about ARGC as they have such high success rates but it is a little far for us. Have googled it for hours and they seems to do very regular almost daily checking while you are cycling whereas with my clinic (Chilterns) it feels a bit like you fit in with them and I do wonder how much there is in EC and ET being at weekends on the day that would be best rather that on the mon/wed/fri that they have the theatre?!?! From what I can see the monitoring must help but also there is a thought out there that they cherry pick and avoid ladies with a high FSH? I don't know how much truth there is in this but I just can not get my head round why there rates are so much higher than everyone else's!

*Lindylou* - vino / gym...its where I'm at too. Am trying to work out in my head when I need to be really good again from! Ref the day you were born, I have read about astrology and fertility and they use the day/time to chart when will be best for you to conceive! Not sure how 'solid' this is but anything is worth a go in the TTC journey!Check this out...
http://www.fertilityastrology.com/biography.php

*Mel39* - what a fab S you DP has! Wow, good luck with you decision making process. xx

*charlotte80 * - you really are going through it, (((Big Hug))) to you. I have read amazing things about stem cell transplants, in the paper recently there was a really motivational story about a man in a similar situation to you DH. Wishing you all the luck in the world with DH recovery and your journey for your family.

*AFM * - we have had our follow up and Mr. NT wants to put me on Marvelon for a cycle first (to ensure no cysts this time) then move me from Gonal F to Menopur at a high dose 300 from the start. His reasons behind this are he doesn't think my egg quality was that great so hopefully we should get a better and quicker response with this protocol as last time had 16 days from stimming start to EC. So we now need to decide when to do this cycle, we have a holiday booked in May which is getting in the way and now I feel like canceling it as this should be our priority and I just want to get on with it. Also I've been in a big dilemma about ARGC and how good their success rates are but think I have come to the conclusion that if this next cycle doesn't work then maybe it will time to try a diff clinic. I think my main concern is how much benefit do you get from the regular check ups there V my clinic that is not open weekends? Also when AF came at 9DPET it was suggested that this was because of low progesterone not sustaining the lining and had expected them to do something additional with the supplements post ET but he says no? I know each cycle is a journey in discovering what is going to work but we can only do this 3 times and I just feel that I want everything chucked at it now (patience in not my strength!!!)

Anyway apologies for essay, has been building up over the last couple of weeks. Any experiences you ladies have around any of these circumstances I would be very glad to hear.

Thank again for the invite KTcuddles - I know how frustrating other peoples attitudes can be, my SIL once suggested it was very stressful having two and was I sure wanted to...I nearly slapped her!

Hugs to all  

PMA  

and fingers crossed it's our turn soon!  

Speak Soon. LouH xxx


----------



## Singers

Hi Snowdrops,

Firstly - sorry for those who have read this post on Cycle Buddies thread - couldn't face writing another message.

Haven't posted for a few days as I've been going through a few horrible days.
I actually got a BFP on my OTD but my HCG level was low. I was asked to have a  repeat after 2 days and sadly this was even lower. I had a final repeat  test this morning and it's confirmed that this pregnancy is non-viable  as my HCG has dropped to 16. I've been told to stop all the medication  and I have a follow-up in 2 weeks time. I guess AF will be turning up soon - with a vengeance I think!

Although I tried to be  realistic after getting my first HCG result, I felt a glimmer of hope  that this treatment may have worked. Sadly that wasn't to be and it's  been so tough trying to deal with that. I've cried a lot with DH, who  has been wonderfully supportive. Mum has left for home now and I'm back  at work, which I was dreading but it has been a good distraction.

I  know the next few weeks will be difficult, but I will pick myself, get  through this with the support of DH, my family and friends and FF of  course. I have so much to be grateful about in my life and I guess I  need to focus on the things I do have in my life and not those things I  don't have or have lost. I'll be going back to doing my meditation,  booking up a few holidays and learning a few skills that I have wanted  to do. 

I guess this is what is called a chemical pregnancy. Is that right? My main concern is whether or not a pregnancy  took place in the first place or whether the HCG level was a reflection  of the pregnyl injection I was given during my 2WW, 12 and 9 days before  OTD. I was given 20units each time ( so not the full amount) and the  doc reassured that it would have been out of my system before my OTD,  but I guess I have doubts in my mind. So if anyone has any advice on  this i would really appreciate that. 

Sadly we have no frosties, it will mean starting all over again for us probably in May/June.

I really hope you are all well. I'll do personal soon.
Singers


----------



## doddyclaire

Singers - big hugs, I posted on the other thread for you too, but now I mostly hang out here 

Take your time and start again when you are ready, I know its daunting to go through the whole process again, that's the situation we're in, so i'd gladly hope to cycle with you again 

Take care Princess

x


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Oh Singers so sorry to hear your news, that must of been awful.  It will be few hards weeks for you, but were all here to help you through it.  Keep strong, we will get there even though it probably dosesnt feel like it at the mo xx

LouH - you'll have to let us know how Zumba goes, weve got that starting at our gym Wednesday which im going along to as lots of people have been talking about it.  Went the gym today and feel better after a good work out.

Nordickat - hope puppy is feeling better now, not nice when your little baby poorly (well ours used to be like our babies). Could be that im making muscle, but to be honest just feeling a littl flabby he he, was doing well up until the treatment but gone well out of the window now, but back to it today so well see if get some results next week..

Hi to everyone else and hope your enjoying the lovely sunshine xx

Lots of hugs 

Sam xx


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## hennups

HI ladies - well I'm here now. So sad there's so many of us. Haven't read back through all the posts but I will do properly. 

Wanted to say to Singers, I am sooooooo sorry to hear your good news has been swiped away from you. 

I'm going to be starting Zumba next week too, LouH and Sam!

Be back again later when I've caught up but thought I'd say hi here too!


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## Nordickat

Oh Singers    I´m so sorry to see you in here for real. I have being hoping hard that you were long gone from us. Take some time to lick your delicate wounds but always remember we know how it feels to have loved so much and then have our dreams taken from us, so use us if you need to    

Lou - I absolutely have to disagree with you. Tx should not be your priority and your holiday should be! Going away will seriously do you the world of good and combine that with your new protocol, it is hopefully just what you need to get your BFP. Go away and come back refreshed and ready to take on the world .... thats you told lol. Maybe you could persuade your clinic to increase your progesterone if you go in and tell then what you want to do. I took 3 cyclogest a day instead of 2 last time and I can´t imagine your clinic turning that down even if they do it just to keep you happy. Its not the same as injections but it is at least something they might go for. I find if I go in a bit bossy we usually come to a compromise and if I go in just asking their opinion I get nothing - this time I told them I wanted viagra and came out with extra estrogen! My job is dull as dishwater by the way, but it does pay for a gorgeous little shed on the side of a mountain   

Sam - puppy is still suffering and its awful to watch. He is a real mummys boy and has been my lifeline so often since my loss. I know that might sound weird to non pet owners but he really is my bestest friend. Glad you feel better after the gym and I hope it does the trick with the flab issue   

Claire - your are right, sad as it is that we are all in here, I´d be honoured to cycle with all of you again   

Kt - fighting for your dream is not silly at all and I guess your sister just doesn´t realise how lucky she is    I just re-organised our freezer and its full of red meat so I´m not sure how well my detox is going to go   

Oh no Hennups   not you too. Welcome though, to our warm and loving family and I hope you find comfort here. 

 to you all, Katxxx


----------



## Nordickat

Hennups - I just saw your other post   you didn´t do anything wrong. If you had called the clinic they wouldn´t have been able to do anything to make your beans stick. Sadly there is nothing they can do. Don´t beat yourself up, you did all you could for those little ones


----------



## doddyclaire

Hennups. So sorry chick, this is terrible today, the poor snowdrops.   Big hugs to you and DH also.

I will just say tho, that if none of you could be on the "bumps" type threads, then i'm glad (not in a nasty way) that we have all found each other again here.  All of the snowdrops gave me massive support throughout the ups and downs of TX so in a way, its nice to still have the same people on here now, who knows - maybe we'll all go on to cycle together again with a happier outcome?!  Does that make sense?  

Lou - I agree with Kat, definitely have that holiday, really, one month delay won't make any difference and you will feel a million times better for having that break 

Ok.....ummmm.....confession time.... doesn't look like my diet on day one is gonna be good, on 2nd glass of wine and dinner is jacket spud smothered in butter & cheese     Hope you lot do better than me today!!

xx


----------



## charlotte80

Some of you have had busy weekends, I haven't succumbed to the alcohol yet  
I'm after a bit of advice. My husband had our two ICSI treatments on the NHS so will be paying for the next round. We have a follow up appointment next week but are wondering whether to change clinics or not. What have other people done? Have you stayed with the same clinics?
Hope everyone is coping well and at least the sun is shining to lift our moods a little.


----------



## ejg123

Evening Ladies
KTCUDDLES thankyou for the invite to join you all  

Just a quick post from me tonight will catch up with you all when i've read all the posts  
Well i have def had the worst week of my life 2 OTD,2 BFNs and still my clinic wanted me to carry on with the cylcogest all weekend and go in today for a blood test if AF does'nt show.  Anyway really thought it was about to show friday night but no still nothing, all day saturday my head was all over the place and i could'nt take it any more,so i decided to stop the pessaries on sunday morning i knew they were stopping me having AF.
So yes i am bleeding a little more and cancelled the appt for today and they are sending me a follow up appt for later may time.
Has anyones mood been really bad i have been a total nightmare to live with poor dp and dds i must snap out of it soon.  
I've gone back to being a crazy person this week did 2 fitness classes this morning 1 being step aerobics which i have def missed while having tx so gonna ache tomorrow  then decided to spring clean the house   
Yeah i did zumba class last week my first one was ok lots of different moves but good fun  

Nice to see lots of names from the first snowdrops page and lovely to be able to chatter away to you all
love emma xxx


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## Madeline Rose

Evening Ladies

LouH,
there are lots of articles if you Google ARGC, with various (unproven) allegations about the clinic. I also found some stories from women who said they were often waiting several hours to be seen, that the Drs were unsympathetic and that the facilities were shabby and crowded. From what I've read, they also seem to favour transferring multiple emboss which I think would give them a higher success rate than if they were to transfer one and freeze the second (altho according to the Lister, it is this 2nd option that would give the patient the best chances of getting pregnant (as well as being the safest))? As for monitoring, I was monitored most days in my last cycle (at Guy's) as in my 1st cycle I had overstimmed.  Guy's try to avoid w/e ECs (but will do them if nec) but do w/e ETs. Hard to say how that affects our chances tho.....  


Also interested to see your point about time taken to stim eggs and poss resulting quality.  With both of my cycles it took more than 2 weeks for me to be ready for EC (Gonal -F both times) and we  ultimately had embryo issues both times.


Singer,
so sorry to hear about your experience. We don't have any fro sties either, so in the same boat there - so disappointing  

BTW sorry for the ignorance, but where is Snowdrops?  

Hennups,
Sorry you find yourself here  

Kat
thinking about getting a dog ourselves. Hope your puppy is doing ok this evening

Sorry for waffling on!

MR
Xx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Charlotte

Just seen your post - we are in exactly the same situation of 2 failed NHS ICSIs and wondering what to do now we're going private. Are you in London?  About a year ago, we had some tests done at The Lister and thought they were v.good. They also have high success rates. Might just decide to stay with Guy's - planning to speak to both and then make the call.....

Hi Emma 
Hope you start feeling better soon  

MR
X


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## Little Miss Me

Evening ladies - got my bfn and Claire put me onto this board. Nice to see a few familiar faces although would have been better under different circumstances. Been pretty sad since ET and getting bad news about our embies. Today has been tough but I feel at least I can close that chapter. Gutted when I think about what's been lost but cannot change what has already happened. Life isn't fair, is it? But we gotta make do with what we've got and be strong for each other xxx

Won't stay long and chat tonight but sending my best wishes to all - this just wasn't our time   xx


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## doddyclaire

LMM - glad you found us hunny, wish the circumstances were happier, but thats not our case this time round.
Please do take the time to grieve properly, i'm firmly of the opinion that you need to release this failed cycle fully before considering embarking on the next 

Morning to everyone esle!

Its another lovely bright day in Felixstowe, and still I have no enthusiasm for the work piled up high on my desk!!  Better crack into it somehow!!
Hope you're all doing ok.
Big love, Claire

xx


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## BECKY7

Clinical pregnancy rate 01 April 2009 to 31 March 2010 Price comparison*
Clinic < 35 years 35-37 years 38-39 years 40-42 years IVF price ICSI price
ARGC 64.8% 50.2% 45.3% 39.0%	£2,500	£3,500
Bart's 46.4% 29.7% 26.8% 20.6% £2,900 £3,900
CREATE 35.6% 29.0% 26.7% 8.4% £2,980 £3,830
CRM 40.3% 33.1% 35.1% 21.4% £3,050 £4,150
Guy's 42.8% 37.8% 23.6% 23.7% £2,800 £3,500
Hammersmith 37.7% 29.9% 24.1% 16.2% £3,100 £4,100
Homerton 28.9% 27.9% 18.8% 17.5% £2,450 £2,850
Kings 28.1% 23.9% 17.1% 8.8% £2,500 £3,200
London Fertility Centre 38.0% 23.5% 20.0% 12.0% £3,330 £4,530
London Women's Clinic 46.7% 41.7% 22.8% 14.5% £3,400 £4,395
The Bridge 47.0% 40.3% 33.1% 23.7% £3,550 £4,800
The Lister 49.5% 39.2% 28.4% 21.1% £3,370 £4,688
UCH 50.4% 43.5% 30.3% 23.9% £2,875 £3,875


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Afternoon girls! How are we all doing? 

Singers, hennups, EJG123, and little miss me- I'm so sorry that you find yourselves here   it truly is such a sad time, and I hope you find some comfort and support not only with friends and family but here with familiar faces too  

Kat- re the fish thing, I must admit I thought what the guru doc said was a bit 'funny'   but then thinking about it, maybe he just wants me to steer clear of it through detox. I love fish and eat an awful lot of it, sometimes 3 times a day! Had only been told it was good for me, not how bad it can be if you eat too much!  

Afm- been struggling a bit the last couple of days, been really tired and emotional, the 30min walk a 
day that dh and I have started doing on the advice of the guru, is very therapeutic, and it is defiantly quality time with each other which can only be good. Dh partner at work just told us he's having a 
baby with his girlfriend of 8 months, and we all know how that feels?!?!  
I'm really trying to focus on other things, but there's just so much talk about babies that I'm really finding it hard not to be angry and maybe a little bit bitter, I feel like such a bad person.

Sending you all big  

Ktcuddles


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## doddyclaire

KT - there is NO WAY in the world you are a bad person, so stop that thought right here and now.  Its only natural for us to feel hurt, bitter, angry and frustrated when others fall so very easily, and its even more hurtful if its relatively soon into the relationship that it happens.  We've all said it, ours is not the easiest of paths but when we do finally get our bundles of joy, they will be all the more special because of our journeys.
Hang in there hun  

xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks doddyclaire, you are right I know   yesterday I found a positive in it all, and even told dh who was hurting that it's just the way our life seems to go, we have really bad times and then really good times, but when we have it good we really appreciate it sooooo much more! I've been on my own all day, just gives you time to stew on things  
Looking forward to going home and seeing my dh and baby cats


----------



## Little Miss Me

Awwww KT don't feel bad. It's all part of the complex emotions of IF. I get like that all the time- angry with myself for feeling things that are only natural to feel in our situation. We all understand and you are not a bad person in the slightest -you are allowed to feel whatever comes naturally   xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks little miss me,   how are you holding up Hun?


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## lindylou1

Hi everyone,

Just a quick post as I am at work and we're not really supposed to go on line unless it's for work stuff.

Hope everyone is okay.

Emma, Hennups, Singers and Littlemissme, sorry to see you all joining this thread as I know it means heartache and sadness for you all and it's truly awful to see so many people having a sad time. I hope the support you get here helps you heal and ready yourselves for moving on to the next stage. Big   to you all.

Kt, please don't feel bad for having such thoughts, it is entirely natural given our circumstances and I have been feeling like that the past couple of days too as one of the girls at my work has just announced she is pregnant with number 5. It is so unfair that some people seem to be able to get pregnant without trying at all yet we are all on this long and difficult journey. 

Lou, I agree with the others, you should definitely go on your holiday as it will do you the world of good to chillout and get away from things for a while. You will be relaxed and revitalised when you come back ready to start again. 

Well, that's my day shifts out of the way and I am so looking forward to my day off tomorrow and a bit of a long lie. Don't know about you ladies but my proposed health kick hasn't quite gone to plan this week, have managed the gym but still eating loads of naughty things! Why is it that everything that tastes good is bad for you

Hope everyone has a good day tomorrow,

Lynn xx


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## Nordickat

Hello lovely snowdrops et al   

Lynn - my healthy week lasted until 10am yesterday when somebody put a muffin on my desk - kind of gone downhill form there lol. There is always next week hey   Enjoy your day off you lucky sausage.

Kt   and   . We are all bitter and angry sometimes but I guess thats what makes us human so please don´t beat yourself up about it. I always try remind myself that I don´t know what else is going on in other peoples lives. From the outside, DH and I look like we have the perfect life (a jealous daddy of 2 even said so today) because our heartache is just between us. Others might get pg at the drop of a hat, but you don´t know if they are suffering elsewhere in their lives. On my really bitter days of course I don´t believe a word of that and hate all happy people equally   . I reckon the guru just wants you to flush your system out completely and that can´t be a bad thing. DH always complains he poos like a penguin when I go fish shopping lol.

Claire - the work fairies didn´t come to your desk either then    I hope you made some progress with the pile though.

MR - Dogs are fab. Unconditional love   , and your spirits cannot help but be lifted when a big wagging tail greets you when you get in from a tough day.

Emma and LMM -   so sorry to see you here too, but I promise hugs come by the bucket load here and you´ll feel their warmth soon. I hope the sport overdose cleared your head nicely Emma.

Charlotte - if you are happy with your clinic I´d stay with them. 2 BFNs, for all it hurts like crazy, is within the norm. You get lots of eggs and good fertilization so I´d be tempted to stay and get lucky number 3 with them. I know ´unlucky´ is not a big enough word to describe how you feel, but hopefully it has just been bad luck so far and #3 will be your time     

 to everyone else.

I´m having a pretty ropey week so far. Pupster has a ´poor prognosis´ and he is unlikely to ever be back to normal. There are some more tests to run but then its just a case of deciding how to give him the best life we can ....... seems so unfair at only 20 months old  .  I´m not dealing with it too well. I suffer pretty severe depression and he is my reason to get out of bed each day (DH can cope without me, pup can´t) and now I have a cloud of guilt and sadness following me around which is weighing me down a lot. I know that sounds extreme to people who don´t know much about depression or have pets, and yes you are right, I am a bit bonkers   , even have a certificate to say so, but I´m trying to be brave and failing miserably today. 

Sorry that was another long dull post lol, short and sweet next time I promise lol.

Enjoy your pancakes, 
Love Katxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Kat -   you poor thing, but I imagine you give pupster a whole lotta lurve, and so long as quality of life isn't compromised, there would be no reason to do anything drastic surely?

Lyn - whats your plans for day off then?  Something nice?

My healthy week hasn't gone to plan either, had wine every day so far, and eaten sweets and chocolate aplenty!  Not worrying too much, after all, we've just come out of months of healthy eating and being good, so long as I manage 3 gym trips a week then i'll not be doing too bad.  For some reason I felt quite down this arvo, think its because my best mate has been emailing details of her midwife appt today, not that I can't/don't want to support her, but it is just another reminder that it didn't work.

Oh well..

Oh look - a glass of chardonnay to cheer me up 
xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Lindylou- big   to you too Hun. My health kick is getting there slowly, as I said on the weight loss thread... I'm being really good with my meals, it's in-between that's the problem!  
Enjoy your day off tomorrow! 

Kat- big   hunny, Im sure your puppy loves you just as much   and Dont think your alone on the bonkers over your pet thing, I know we are about our baby cats  
Big big hugs and hope you have a better day tomorrow sweetie. X 

Doddyclaire- Big   seems like we're all getting little reminders of how sad we are  
Enjoy your wine! 

Ktcuddles


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## ejg123

Evening Ladies
Thanks for the warm welcome everyone   Happy pancake day  
I had to have a candle in mine tonight as yes today is (another) my birthday wish they wouldnt come around so quickly....hehehe
Had lots of cards and presents and chocolate  which means all my hard work at the gym will be wasted oh well start again monday!!!
KAT sorry to hear about your poor pup but i'm sure he's getting lots of loving from you.
CLAIRE unfortunately i am one these light weights and one glass of vino and i am anyones and everyones  cheap date DP calls me.  
KT how old are your baby cats?we have 2 kittens got them in october love them to bits and they are so good.  

    to everyone else enjoy your tuesday evening.
emma x


----------



## charlotte80

Nordickat - Thanks for the advice. I guess I need to see what next wednesday brings when we have our follow up and whether they shed any light on the failures.

Anyone else been finding they switch off when other people have a conversation - I keep half listening to what people are talking about at work and then feel I'm being rude!  

Well husband's appointment yesterday was a bit mixed - the tumour has shrunk considerably on his chest but they feel he could have a chest infection so are going to investigate further. We were hoping that was going to be the end of hospital trips for a while...

I see lots of you are trying to be more healthy - I need to give myself a kick up the bum and do some exercise but have no motivation. How are you girsl motivating yourself. The sun is shining but i'm too tired zzzzzzz

When someone finds the work fairies send them to me as I have tons of stuff to catch up on... marking, assessments, planning. I feel I need the easter hols already!


----------



## lindylou1

Kat, so sorry to hear more sad news about your puppy. Please don't punish yourself by feeling guilty though honey, it's not your fault and I'm sure puppy wouldn't want you to feel sad. I'm sure whatever the outcome he will love you just the same. Although I don't have any pets I have done in the past and totally understand how they come to be a huge part of our lives. They thing with pets is they offer you love and affection, are really good at listening to our problems and they never judge us. I would love a dog or a cat but with our shifts it just wouldn't be fair to have a dog and DH is allergic to cats   . Fingers crossed that your little pupster gets better soon.

Charlotte, that's really positive news that the tumour has shrunk, hope the further investigations find no chest infection. Don't worry too much about the exercise, you have had more than enough to worry about. I think once you have been back at it a couple of times you feel better for it and it gets easier to go, it's the first couple of times that are the hardest. In my case any exercise I have been doing has been well and truly cancelled out by all the naughty snacks I keep shovelling in! 

Emma, Happy Birthday   Hope you have had a lovely day and that you have been spoiled rotten! 

Claire, sorry you have been feeling down sweetie. It's so hard hearing about other peoples baby news isn't it? You are most certainly not alone there. Enjoy that glass of wine and I hope you feel better tomorrow.  

I am going to have a lazy morning with DH tomorrow as he is backshift. I am meeting up with friends for coffee in the afternoon then going to a gym class in the evening. 

Lynn xx


----------



## Little Miss Me

Can understand where you're coming form Claire with the whole healthy thing - went back to the gym today but didn't do my usual level but gonna ease my way in - my body has been through a lot. Since getting home I have had chips and chocolate and yes I am seriously contemplating a glass of wine.....!

Emma-  sorry I didn't realise it's your birthday - hope your dh and lil ones have been amazing to you today    xxx

Lindylou - coffee and gym sounds like a good relaxed day - look after yourself xx

KT - hope you are feeling better - holding out ok here - gotta move on and look at the future now I suppose.... xxx

Nordic - so sorry to hear about your puppy - I just feel an overwhelming urge at the minute to get a pet - they are family to us and it is so sad when they get sick -sending big hugs xxx

AFM - Sorry cos tmi but has anyone else found AF a bit strange.....?? I started getting tiny bits of black gunk from the crinone gel last Wednesday which got more and more until a huge amount of massive disgusting chunks came out of me on Saturday. Later on Saturday I started seeing red blood and since then it has been on and off like it comes and goes. It stops then bleeds more heavily for a bit. I guess I've been bleeding since last Wednesday but I didn't see any of it because of revolting crinone blockage. Have you guys had all this.....?? xx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Not doing too well with the whole healthy thing either - jumbo pack of Minstrels AND a packet of Skittles this afternoon & my only exercise was running for the train tonight!

Happy Birthday Emma!

KT, totally know where you're coming from. My top 2 hates are people who fall pregnant "accidentally" (we have one in the family at the moment who's just 24) and people who ask me whether the reason I don't have kids is because I "haven't had the time"? I know my job's busy, but are they really suggesting I've been too busy to have sex for the last x years?!   

Kat, hope your puppy's doing ok hun 

Little Miss Me, AF is certainly heavier than normal, but just lots and lots of blood in my case.

Happy Pancake Day AND Happy International Women's Day (apparently!)


----------



## LouH

Evening ladies - web was down at work today so have been busy catching up this evening hence the megapost!

Zumba class at the gym was great, very energetic but did make me feel a bit like a cluts at times. I think after a few more classes and having got used to the moves I will get my grove!!

To pancake or not to pancake was my dilemma today - I gave in of course and had huge amounts covered in butter, sugar, lemon and maple syrup - what an indulgence but oh so good!

Happy Birthday *EJG123*   

*Nordickat* - please don't feel sad, that pup will need you now more than ever - something else apart from TTC to focus on. As far as DH coping without you goes these men have a funny habit of not showing their true feelings on things, thinking they need to be strong for us girlies. I bet you a million dollars he needs you more than you could ever imagine. . Ref the progesterone, I think I will put the pressure on the nurse at the planning app next week on this, we took crinone rather than cyclogest - am wondering if there is any difference?

*LMM* - I got my Af at 9DPET and it as a pretty horrendous experience, esp moving into day 2. TMI ALERT - I had so many clots I was in the loo every 10-20 mins for most of the day, found it quite scary and couldn't believe that much could be in there?!?! I had quite a long conversation with the nurse about this and she said the lining gets much thicker than normal when stimming hence the larger loss, and because of the larger loss the blood can sit on the cervix (esp overnight) and it congeals hence the clots. I had felt really worried about it but after talking to her felt a lot better.

*Lindylou1* - enjoy your lazy morning, nothing better!!!

*Charlotte80* - GO girl on the health drive, always difficult to get started but once you get into I find it really quite satisfying! Have you thought about seeing a nutritionalist to help you along, I saw one before our first cycle and have picked up some good habits that help me feel pretty good (most of the time!) when I stick to them.

*KTCuddles* - this is such an emotional rollercoaster its no surprise we have conflicts with our partners, the fact that you have had positive slants too shows what a strong relationship you have. 

*doddyclaire* - I know how you feel ref work, I am finding it so difficult to motivate myself at work at the moment, the business is closing date TBC. I have my second consultation meeting on Thursday and everything I do I just think why / what for??

*Madeline Rose* - Just read your post, I would say chocs and sweets in lieu of pancakes!!!? Think I have settled my mind on not changing to many things for cycle2, and if that doesn't work chucking all at it for #3 and perhaps considering argc then. It's a bit way out there but I might just get an app with that astrologer lady ref guidance on when to do next cycle although I have emailed her and not heard back?

AFM, back to gym tomorrow, am going to ask them about getting an new programme done to put a bit more interest into it. I love to swim but acupuncture has advised against it as cold?! annoying but feel I must listen!

Spk soon and sleep tight ladies,

LouH xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Emma - sorry its late, but Happy Birthday hunny x


----------



## Little Miss Me

Lou - thanks for explanation - I guess it's gonna be a strange one and the progesterone too must have really thickened it up. I just keep thinking it's stopped and dried up and then another load comes - could be the sitting on the cervix thing you described  - grrrrr!!! Glad you're getting into your classes - sounds like a good way forward xx

Madeline - yeah it's not gonna be a normal AF after all we've done to our bodies I suppose. I've never been regular at the best of times so I wonder when the next one will appear - will she disappear for months on end now after all this......?? Grrrr!! She never does what she's supposed to, does she?! xx

Doddyclaire - feeling a bit demotivated today too. Couldn't (or didn't want to...?) put my full effort in at the gym last night although it felt good to do something. Comfort ate like a pig afterwards and just feel completely drained and it's only Wednesday. I think the whole thing has just hit me for six and has left my body, mid and emotions ten years older! xx

Emma - hope you had a good day yesterday lovely xxx

Big    to all - we're halfway through the week at least.....! xxx


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## Nordickat

LMM -   Time really is a great healer and you have you give yourself lots of it, and slowly you will start to feel like you again I promise. It does take time though and even when you think yo uare OK, it can suddenly hit you again. The gym will do you good whether you put all your effort into it or just a little. And as for comfort eating, well we all do it and if it makes you feel better, even for a short while, then its worth it.   hang in there and it will get easier.

Lou - I used crinone on my free goes but then my private clinic recommend cyclogest. I know cyclogest is more expensive here and still not got a proper licence (I had to sign something to use it) but I'm not sure which is 'best'. Maybe you could do some swimming now to get you back into sport and then stop when yo uget nearer to your next tx ....... that or take a holiday somewhere hot so you can swim in warm seas all day   

Emma - happy belated brithday to you.

Charlotte - I hope your DHs infection to sorted quickly so you can take a proper break from hospitals soon.

Thanks for all your kind words about my poor little dog. He is fine as he doesn't know what the vet said and he loves me just as much now as he did before   . I just feel guilty about it all, he already is obviously my dog as he can very very sad sometimes and he is also very sensitive   . He has a temper like DH though lol ......... funny how they take our temprements isn't it? I'm even pretty sure we look like each other now as we are both in desperate need of a hair cut   . 

I hope you are all still basking in Spring sunshine. We woke to another 10 cm of snow this morning which is a bit of a blow since we thought Spring was here too. Ho hum!

lots of love to you all and I hope today is easier than yesterday for all of you, 
Katxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Afternoon girls! 

Thanks for all your wise words yesterday   its lovely to know that theres people that understand, even if it is because we are all going through the same sadness. I'm feeling better today thanks, I suppose these feelings come and go as circumstances change.

Ejg- our baby cats are 11 now! But they'll always be babies to us! Love them so much   pets are such a saviour aren't they, I would be very lonely without them, dh works long hours and the house would be lifeless without them too  

Lmm-   

Kat-  

Hope everyone ok today? 

Kt


----------



## ejg123

snowdrops
Thankyou for the birthday wishes yes i did have a lovely day but feel a little mean as DP got me a massive bunch of flowers and guess what i said...you shouldnt of wasted the money!!  what was i thinking probally the big bill we have to pay for tx.
But today my mood has lifted and finally feeling ok,which is a good job as back to work tomorrow after 4 weeks off just hope nobody is nice to me or asks to many questions?

TMI alert:
sorry ladies but could i ask for your advice?
I see that alot of you are having a heavy/clotting bleeding with your AF after tx,but i am having the opposite.
To cut a long story short or for anyone that does'nt know me..
My OTD was last weds 2nd march got a BFN   but clinic wanted me to test again friday 4th as had smallest amount of blood when wiped now and again,so tested again BFN (no surprize there) still clinic not happy with the amount of blood not losing.
So they booked me in for a blood test at the clinic for monday morning if AF still hadnt turned up,and to keep using the cyclogest
all weekend my poor head just couldnt take this just wanted to get on with things!
Friday evening had some tummy pain and yes i guess there was slightly more blood not enough really to use san wear,and the same saturday i did try using tampons as i had to go out but it was really painfull to put in (never had this before) at this point i was prying for my period to come i was soooooo moody grumpy upset like Af was coming but to be honest been like this for a few days before OTD.
Sunday still not much so decided not to use the cyclogest at all sunday and hope AF turned up as heard that they can prolong it from coming,but the late evening some more blood and through the night so monday morning i left a message couldnt face talking to them to say i wasnt coming in.
My worry is i still dont think i have bleed enough,no pain whats so ever no clots no dark blood only light pink/brown,this is so diff to my usual periods which i am doubled over with pain and so heavy with clots and get through so much san wear i could have shares in boots  .
Also after my bfn in tx before i remember the heavy bleeding and the clots because it is quite scary.
My lining was nice and thick at ET so surely i should of had more and today i dont need anything again.
Do you all think i am worrying about nothing could i of had a chemical pregnacy not even sure what this is really?
Should i go to gp def not phoning clinic as havent taken the cyclogest since sat!
What should i do? sorry for this ladies just feels good to get it off my chest knowing me i wont do anything  

love to all
emma xx


----------



## wicks

Afternoon girls!  

KTcuddles - i had my first day on Monday working with a colleague who has just reached 12 weeks of pregnancy.  she must have found it really tricky to tell me, and it certainly hit me hard - i struggled for a fair few days after the news.  a mixture of emotions go though our heads but its normal to feel these feelings, and even the bad ones.  i hate myself for feeling bitter about other (non ivf) peoples success, but we cant help it.  its such a battle for us all, and for others it just happens so easily.  but like one of the girls said - it'll make it all the more special when it DOES happen!    its getting easier working with her already, but im looking forward to all the congratulating stopping!!!!  grumble.

Nordickat - im off to meribel on sunday.  really looking forward to it.  i heard that there wasnt much snow though, and havent had a chance to look yet.  keep your fingers crossed that we get some!  where abouts are you again??  so sorry to hear about your pup hun.  we grow so close to them dont we - they are our babies.  i so hope things work out for him.  Im sure they will.  my two goldy's and i are sending him lots of furry love!    a friend of ours also had a golden retrieiver up until about a week ago.  he was sadly diagnosed with bone cancer last year and had a leg amputated.  he was a big strong boy but struggled for a while, stopping and laying down in the middles of roads etc.  we thoughthe was going to give up.  but he got himself back together and lived a pretty normal life considering, for almost another year.  my friend told me that they lost him last week as the cancer had spread to his chest.  i burst into tears at work.  cried all the way home.  was devastated.  my two boys had HUGE cuddles and extra treats when i got home - we love them so much. im sure the vets will come up with a master plan!    

emma - wishing you a very belated happy birthday hun! xxxxxxx  hope you were spoilt rotten! xx

LouH - its interesting what you said about swimming!!!  i went this morning as i didnt think i could cope with my aerobics yet - decided itd kill me as i feel so unfit right now.  is it the temperature thats bad?  what were you told about it?

MRose - i too am eating naughty things.  i really MUST get back into the healthy living, but ive decided to start when im back from skiing a week sunday.  anyway...we need a bit of a break so dont punish yourself!  enjoy those minstrels!  yum!

lindylou - i think we did cycle to gether last year.  hope youre ok hun!  sending  

hi charlotte - those work fairies could do with giving me a kick up the bum too.  i dont feel motivated to do an awful lot either.  i only teach part time now, which is far less stressful, but have another job to go with it.  it has its pro's and con's - main con being that even in the school hols i still have to go to work!  as for the motivation with exercise - i have an extra healthy friend who bookes me into aerobics and drags me along when im feeling lazy.  she's a great help and without her im sure id hardly go!  

doddyclaire - 3 trips to the gym a week!  youre doing amazingly well hun!!  ive managed 1!  dont worry about a drop of wine here and there!  sounds like youre doing splendidly with the exercise!  well done you!    

afm - i have 2 pairs of big brown eyes staring up at me as they want to go for a walk, so cant be much longer.  we're getting on ok with my pusscat's injections.  he has 2 a day for diabetes.  DH is having to do them as im having a bit of an 'i cant do it' phase.  he wriggles so much and i cant bear it    
i swam today, so thats my effort of starting the exercise again - im going to struggle with the skiing ahead i just know it.  had a call from my nurse about an hour ago to confirm my appt to sign paperwork for our NHS cycle.  it all happens at the local hospital and at london fertility centre, and she said that Ill be on the same drugs as my last 2 cycles which im happy with.  they worked well for me - up to the 'chemical pregnancy' part anyway    Im hoping to start mid to end of april, but it could be may.  it will be decided when im back from france, so until then im going to try and relax and forget about it all as much as possible.  
DH has been really stressed with work of late, so we're both in need of a nice break.  we're going with family (18 of us in a huge chalet) and am going to thoroughly enjoy the outdoor hot-tub, champagne and canapes while i can!  unfortunately AF is due while we're out there - BOO!!  my salopettes are white so im hoping it wont be like the last bleed!  eeek!

anyway....we're off for walkies before it rains!
love to each and every one of you!
wicks xxxxx


----------



## Mistygal

Hi lovely fellow snowdrops and other FF pals

I have just found you and hope you don't mind if I belatedly join? I felt a bit homeless after my BFN on the Jan/Feb thread - lots of you were so strong and able to keep posting on there, but I found it really hard to go on and see people's news. Even though in my heart I really wished everyone the very best it was still too painful to go on other than to lurk very quickly.

Emma - I don't have any informed advice, but I just wonder if all the medication is just delaying AF a bit and it will be a late proper start. I don't think you should feel guilty about the cyclogest and so not call the clinic - it is your business what you decided to do, call if it would help. Plus your GP will probably not know nearly as much as them.     

Wicks - have a brilliant time skiing! I have the same thing as you at work as my BF there gave birth to her little boy 2 days after I got my BFN - all the photos of the cutie and people coming to ask me for news about her were hard. 

There are so many of you on this thread that I came to care about so much during our cycle. I feel uplifted just seeing your names - even if it is for a sad reason!   

Kat - I so hope pupster is on the up soon. The wonderful thing about animals is how resilient they are and how when something happens to them they just get on with it. I remember when our cat broke his leg and had to wear a cast for weeks he just used to lug it around and jump and run and all the normal stuff. Your pupster is obviously so well loved and cherished that even if he has a problem or two then he will have a lots better life then most pets (and probably a happier more carefree life than 100% of people!)

Kt - my 'kittens' are 6 - still babies to me too.
    

Doddyclaire - I am making the most of drinking again now too. After a dry jan and feb - March is turning out to be quite wet! Mind you I am getting hangovers after only 2 glasses - need to build up my tolerance again.

lindylou - sorry this is such a feline post! But you know you said your DH was allergic to cats? Well I am to cats and dogs. But did some research and found that lots of people aren't allergic to oriental or Siamese cats - I have had both now and they can even sleep in our bed without making me ill (well a bit sneezy I admit but nothing like a proper allergy).

AFM I have not booked my follow up appointment yet - I think I just want a break form the clinic and to put everything out of my mind for a couple of weeks. Anyone else like this? (Once an ostrich always an ostrich).

Love and hugs to everyone

Mistygal x


----------



## lindylou1

Hi ladies,

Hope everyone has had a good day  

Emma, pleased to hear you had a good birthday. I'm sure DP won't hold the flower thing against you. These poor DP's and DH's put up with alot don't they? I have said some weird and wonderful things to DH during all of this and for a while after our failed cycle he didn't know if he was coming or going with me, but then neither did I  
Re your AF, it might be an idea to see your GP or call the clinic, even if it only serves to put your mind at rest. I can understand why you don't want to speak with the clinic but they would be best placed to explain what's happening. I haven't had any experience with this as this was our first cycle and I had the heavy clotty AF. Hope your first day back at work goes ok tomorrow.

Mystygal, hi, nice to 'meet' you although sorry it's under such sad circumstances. I'm a bit of an intruder here being as I wasn't a snowdrop but your fellow snowdrops have made me feel most welcome! That's really interesting about the oriental and siamese breeds of cat, I definately look into that. 

Wicks, You must be really looking forward to your ski trip, hope you get lots of lovely powdery snow. Will be great for you to get away and take your mind off things. Hope you got your walk in before the rain started. We have had snow, sun, rain and wind today in Scotland, the weather can't make up it's mind what it wants to do! It was a bit of a shock this morning to see a covering of snow as the last few days have been so sunny and bright.

LouH, well done on your Zumba class, glad you enjoyed it. I'm sure it won't take you long to get the moves. Your pancakes sounded amazing! Its made my mouth water just reading about them!

Kat, glad to hear pupster is okay. Hope he is giving you lots of doggy hugs.

Kt, pleased to hear you are feeling better today honey.   We all have good days and bad days but it's such a comfort to know we are all here for each other.  

LMM, I had exactly the same with my AF and I was on crinone too. It's quite worrying but I was assured by my clinic that it's fairly common after tx. 

My day off has been nice and relaxing, a nice chilled out morning at home with DH then catching up with the girls over coffee this afternoon.  I am just about to head out to the gym for my spin box class. Would much rather stay in with my feet up watching TV but I'm sure I will feel much better after it. Back to work again tomorrow. Does anyone else find that days off go much quicker than work days

big   to everyone else too.

Lynn xx


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## ejg123

Hi Mistygal gald you have found us,i know what you mean about not wanted your follow-up appt i have asked for one about may time hopefully by then we will of decided about future tx.

Louh i've done a couple of zumba classes the first one i didnt know what i was i doing but it gets easier when you know the moves  

Lindylou1 whats a spin box class? i know what spinning is and boxercise,is it like one of these? have fun have you tried a step class?   

Can't believe some of you have snow  we have had a lovely sunny  day down in Dorset.Always makes me feel better apart from a headache which i woke up with and can't seem to shake off don't think i'm drinking enough gone right off water 2 months of it is enough for anyone.   

Have a good evening everyone


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## Nordickat

Lynn - I´m glad you enjoyed your day off. My days off are over before I´ve even noticed they have started and then work days go on forever. Have fun at spin box, no idea what it is but I can guarantee its too complex for me lol. You can feel all smug when you get home tonight knowing you have been so sporty, smug enough for a glass of vino I´d say   I was only a snowdrop for a short while so there are loads of new names for me too.

Misty -   I had to walk away from the snowdrops thread too. Sometimes we have to think about ourselves. I´m glad you have found a home with us though now. It took me a while to sort out my followup appt too. I just wanted to feel like a ´normal´person for a while I think. There is no rush though, being ready for it the most important thing. Pups is definitely carefree lol. He is currently stood outside on top of a 2m high pile of snow watching over the road below like he owns the joint. You´ll be pleased to know he is an allergy friendly wheaten terrier   

Wicks - you don´t need much snow to enjoy Meribel ........ afterski is good whether you ski first or not   . I´m just outside Oslo, so somewhat less swanky that Meribel lol. Have a fantastic time thinking champers and snow thoughts and I hope not a tx thought enters your head.

Emma - I´m pretty sure you are worrying over nothing but call the clinic. It doesn´t matter that you chose to stop your progesterone but you need to call them for your own peace of mind. You need closure   . I´m sick of the sight of snow at home now so you are more than welcome to help yourself to some of mine ....... if you could take the stuff blocking the path it´d be much appreciated   

Kt - I´m glad today is brighter and I hope tomorrow is brighter still   

Lots of love to you all,
Katxxx


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## doddyclaire

Evenin!!!

Hi Misty, glad you've joined us (no matter how I try an say that, it always seems wrong....) arghhhhh!!  LOL! I'm sure you know what I mean!!

Just back from the gym, and no I don't feel all healthy, I feel like a fab slob!!
Just gonna do a bit o mash to go with the casserole that been bubblin away all day, no vino for me tonite, am shattered.

Had the auditor from hell with me again all day today, he's driving me bonkers with his constant questioning and "amusing" tales, yeah thats right, amusing to him only!!!  Bloody chinless wonder, one more day of him then perhaps I can get on with my real work!!!  

Thats my rant over for today, nite lovelies

xxx


----------



## miller

Well, hello my lovelies - I wish this thread didn't have to exist but given that it does it's really lovely to see all you old friends again.      I've had a quick read through and will do personals soon but it's really comforting to see that there are ups as well as downs for you.  Ktcuddles thank you so much for pointing me this way.   

So.... some of you know this, but for those who don't, we got a BFN yesterday after I started bleeding on Monday.  Bleeding was a real shock as everything was looking good.  But bHCG was <1 so clearly didn't even get to implantation.  Since that phone call came I haven't really known how to be.  Haven't cried, have even been feeling grateful that I've got my body back.  Also I know that everyone did their absolute best to make this work so have no regrets.  But the combined factors of tube problems, low AMH, my blood-clotting problem and the bleeding post EC mean that we feel another try with my eggs just isn't worth the risks.  And that feels too huge a thing to go anywhere near dealing with yet.  DP is dreadfully low but thankfully he's good at talking about his emotions and that really helps me.

My immediate problem is telling my parents - I just can't quite face their sadness and sympathy.  It sounds so rubbish and ungrateful because they're truly lovely and caring and supportive, but they are both going to put on that tone of voice which sounds as if someone has just died and I can't deal with that.  It just makes me go all brisk and business-like and talk about the positives and how I'm fine really.  Oh well, it's got to be done. 

Sending you all lots and lots of love,

Miller
xx


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## doddyclaire

Miller - huge hugs hunny, I know what you mean abou facing up to telling folks, I chickened out a bit and did all mine by text, told people I didn't want to speak to anyone for a couple of days, luckily, they all took that the way I meant, and gave us a bit of breathing space to come to terms with it 

Hope you get round it ok, and when you're ready, have a bloody good cry, you're going to need it 

xxxx


----------



## Nordickat

I do just the same with my folks too Miller. The more sad/sympathetic/´understanding´ they are the more chirpy I am   . Maybe you can do as Claire said and email/sms and let them know you´ll talk to them when your head is clearer. Be selfish for a bit, you and DH are the priority now, so for all you have to talk to them at some point, maybe it doesn´t have to be right now. For now you and DH need to hug each other tight and squeeze all the grief out.
 Katxxx


----------



## Mistygal

Miller     

Funny how we want to protect those around us more than ourselves isn't it? Focus on yourself for a bit. Lots of love and support here for you.

xxx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Miller
So sorry to hear your news and know what you mean about other people's sympathy   definitely take some time out for yourselves 
Didn't know you could tell what did/didn't happen from a blood test - our clinic don't do them, we just get a home pregnancy test....

Not sure if anyone knows what I mean, but at the moment I almost feel as though I'm 2 people at once - a (nearly!) normal person at work getting on with things and as though everything I've been through/ am still going through happened to someone else and someone else at home.....weird I know  

Hope everyone's ok, sleep well!

MR
X


----------



## hennups

doddyclaire said:


> Miller - huge hugs hunny, I know what you mean abou facing up to telling folks, I chickened out a bit and did all mine by text, told people I didn't want to speak to anyone for a couple of days, luckily, they all took that the way I meant, and gave us a bit of breathing space to come to terms with it


That's exactly what I did too. Sent a group text and said I was being an 'ostrich'!! Had to explain that meant I had my head in the sand and best not to contact me for a couple days. Have now spoken to my mum and best friend.

However, DH reckons I've done the ostrich a little too much since Christmas and my dad went downhill, expecially since he died 9 weeks ago. Barely seen a single friend - but they haven't called either! So be careful cos now I think they're worried to contact me! Eesh, I'm talking myself out of my own advice now! 

Anyway, a text with a gentle request for space for now may work, Miller?
Sorry to see you here, hon - sent my note to you on Jan/Feb thread but huge hugs over here too...   
 
And Madeline Rose, that split-person thing is another one I have! I'm fab at work and just strong and get on with it but whole different story at home.


----------



## lisa n

Hennups - just wanted to give you a big      sorry it hasn't worked for you this time round    xxx

miller -      soo sorry to hear your news xxx

Its a very sad outcome for all of are snowdrops and i feel for you all    xxx next time round ladies   

lisa n xxxx


----------



## roxychick121

Hi Ladies, 


havent been on in a wee while needed a little time off   ....


it isn't nice to be on this thread but its nice to know we all have somewhere to chat, as i find there is so many threads for cycless/twins and not much for us ladies that need it more than anything   


gosh i am so glad to know i am not on my own with putting on a brave face, it amazes me how i can get up go to work put on a brave smile, but when i get home i am a totally different girl. my dh wants me to take a break from the whole thing for a while, but im not ready to forget about it.


i want to know why they think it should be so successful for me, and then twice it hasn't worked, i just want someone to tell me something because i dont know if i want to go through this again emotionally and financially for it all to fail because something isn't working!!!! my hospital only gives a hpt they dont monitor bloods or anything!!! 


on a good note i booked a cruise 11 weeks to go yeh ......


millar im the same i didnt want to tell mine as i couldn't deal with stress of there emotions, my mum was so upset for a week, and it didnt help me that she kept being positive right up to hpt date and i was going mad as i new it hadn't work on day 10


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi roxychick , huge   hunny, it's still early days for you Hun, give yourself time to greive and rebuild some strength, and get all the questions together to ask at your follow up appointment. Hopefully you will get the answers then.
Were you on different protocols for each of you tx? 

So jealous of you cruise! We went on one a few years ago and loved every minute! It gives you something to look forward to!    
Ps, no need to put on a brave face here sweetie!  

Kt


----------



## LouH

Hi Ladies,

Our numbers have grown hence the post gets longer... I will have to get on more frequently!!

*Miller * - So sorry for your experience and where this brings you to but pleased you have found us and hopefully will find this an area of support, I know I have.   

*Doddyclaire* - LOL ref the auditor!!!

*Nordickat * - If only I could move to a warmer place and swim that would be fab!! am dreaming now.....

*EJG123 * - I am going to persevere next week with the Zumba, I went for cardio session yesterday and am going for new programme in the morning! Am on a roll...should place bets on how long it will last! I haven't been drinking enough water either, don't have quite the same incentive now do we. Have you phoned the clinic, might give you peace of mind on what's within the range of normal, seems that it is quite wide from listening to ladies on here?? xx

*Wicks -* enjoy your holidays...role up the trolly of sanware to see you safely through..! Ref the swimming it was my Acupuncture man who specialises in fertility and said because it is cold and with TTC you need to be warm, other random things like keep generally warm and eat lots of soup to keep you warm from the inside out. 1 cup of tea or coffee p/day also a tip of his, none if poss due to the caffeine. My one cuppa a day is sacred now!!!

*Lindylou1* - I know what you mean about days off, I don't work on a Friday and by the time I've done all my chores i'm knackered!!! x

*Mistygal * - how you doing hun?...I found my follow up app quite useful in closing the book on this cycle and on what to do next. I spent time before hand working out all the questions I wanted to ask, started with the below link then added on all my own queries based on my personal cycle experiences; 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=66634.0

*roxychick121* - I know what you mean, when I am at work it seems like it never happened as just have to get on and even on a day to basis at home I feel everyone has forgotton what we have just been through. I know one shouldn't be encouraged to wallow but a cycle is such a huge demand on your body and I feel that even DH seems to be beyond back to normal...  My clinic (Chilterns) also only does HPT but they say if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't so what are lots of blood tests going to prove? I'm a bit obsessed about this to, ARGC seems to do loads and adjust your cycle accordingly but surely the others clinics know what they are doing? We just have to put our faith in them don't we.....not used to not being in control!!

*Madeline Rose* - I know how you feel 

*Hennups * - So sorry to heard about you Dad. Friends are fickle things aren't they, and I know what you mean, if you're the one who has been through all of this then why don't they make the effort. I think people just don't know what to say! I have one friend who I told about the IVF failure and about being made redundant in the same week and she replied to me but never mentioned either! What planet is she on...a bit a support/sympathy might be nice! (not that I want to be pampered or anything).

All others ladies hope your OK 

AFM - am feeling like crying this afternoon but more over job as had my 2nd consultation meeting and still no confirmed £ or last date. Really frustrating as was dressed up as answers time. Feel even more demotivated than before and hence makes me feel sad again about BFN, just can't believe it didn't work, you just kind of assume it will and now it hasn't the thought in my mind is what if it never does? I know we have DD and I am SO SO lucky and just shouldn't even complain at all but just can't believe that my body can't do it again. Sorry for being negative.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

LouH- sorry your having such a sad afternoon Hun,   I think not getting the result you want from ivf makes everything else seem so much harder to cope with. And just because you already have a dd doesn't Mean You want it any less, and it's just as frustrating!
Every now and then I wonder what if it never happens, but in my heart of hearts I know we'll get our dream in the end, and have to keep reminding myself that we always seem to have to fight for everything we want that much harder then the people around us. Always hoping for a natural miracle in the mean time  

Afm- no natural miracle for us this month   af arrived 5days late (presume it was late due to messing about with hormones on tx) so even when there was a slight glimmer of hope, it was snatched away from us. Getting a bit tired of going round in circles!  

 to everyone

Ktcuddles


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi ladies

How are you all doing?

Am having a dip in emotions today and yesterday I think, funny how it creeps up on you at random times eh.  Had lunch today with good friend and her bubba - at my request I must point out, and was so lovely to have cuddles with the little one, no negative feelings about that at all, yet i'm finding myself getting, quite frankly, pee'd off with another friend who's pg constantly posting about her pg on ********, i'm happy for her, but just don't wanna read about it every bloody day. 

Am also fed up at work, feel like everyone is still avoiding having a conversation with me so am Billy no mates here, and wondering WTF i'm bothering.  My job feels like its now so unimportant in my life, its a means to an end and i'm kind of resenting the time spent here.

Sorry for the "me" post girls, just needed to get that off my chest and knew you'd undersatnd 

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire-   totally with you hunny.


----------



## LouH

Goodness us naughty girls posting while at work!! I'm hoping they won't check up but seeing as it's closing don't suppose it matters anyway!

*KTcuddles* - know what you mean, I manage to convince myself every month we'll get that miracle natural BFP, suppose this is what keeps us going.

*Doddyclaire * - its about priorities isn't it, how unimportant is work in the scale of the IVF world! doesn't even register....just keep thinking the pennies coming in will pay for the next treatment (or in my case the redundacy will!)

Big hugs to both


----------



## lindylou1

Hi girls,

How are we all today?

Kt, Sorry to hear nasty AF has arrived. I know what you mean, I am always hoping, every month, that maybe this month could be the month. 

LouH, Sorry to read you're not having a good day. Also sorry to hear about your job, as if you don't have enough on your plate right now. It's terrible that they are keeping you hanging on without giving you any confirmation of £ or dates. Employers seem to forget that these situations have such a huge impact on peoples lives. Hope they give you some answers soon.  

Miller, hi, sorry we have had to 'meet' under such sad circumstances. So sorry to hear things haven't worked out for you this time. Make sure you take time out to grieve and have a good cry when you feel ready. Big   to you. Tell people when you are ready to tell them and like the others say you and DH are what is important right now and if you decided to wait or that you'd rather not tell them face to face I'm sure they would understand. 

Emma and Kat, Spinbox was good but made me realise how unfit I have become in the space of six weeks. It's an hour long class which consists of 30 mins spinning and 30 mins of boxing. The guy who takes it is hyperactive and superfit and seems to think we all are too so makes the class really intensive. You sweat buckets and come out exhausted, very unladylike! I haven't tried a step class, I'm THE most unco-ordinated clumsy person you could ever meet so not sure I wouldn't fall over the step   At least it would give everyone else a chuckle though.

Claire, Yep, I have a couple of those ** friends too, one who actually has a photo of her big pg belly as her profile pic and another who has a "look at how my unborn baby is developing this week" post every bloody week, argghh, like I really want to know!!! your auditor sounds like a right laugh, NOT. Bet you will be glad to see the back of him. Well done on going to the gym, you should be proud yourself for going. 

Roxychick, you must be really looking forward to that cruise, I am soooo jealous! Which places will you be visiting? I've never been on a cruise but have always quite fancied trying one. You will have to let me know how it goes. I'm in a bit of a dilema about a holiday. DH is going away trekking up Everest for three weeks in April and I have the first week he is away off work. I'm toying with the idea of going away myself for a week's all inclusive in the sun somewhere. I'm just not sure if a week away on my own would be too long though. I could really use a week away but no-one else is off at the same time so I can't find anyone to go with me.

Hennups, I can totally understand you doing the ostrich thing, it's quite exhausting doing the fake happy cheerful thing all the time. I have been feeling quite anti-social recently and have really had to force myself to go out sometimes. I haven't been so bad with one to ones but the group social situations can be quite difficult 'cause they take a bit more effort, I just don't seem to have the energy to play at being happy sometimes. Crikey, I sound like a right miserable cow, lol   

MR, I know exactly what you mean. I think it's easier to be more like our normal selves at work because we are busier and it takes our minds off everything. Hopefully this will get easier for us all in time. 

big   to everyone else, hope you are all okay.

A quiet night in for me tonight with control of the remote and the sofa to myself as DH is backshift again. Will probably be knocking out big zzzzzzzzzz and drolling on the sofa by the time he arrives home.

Hope you all have a lovely evening.

Lynn xx


----------



## hennups

HI ladies - just a quickie... we only get the 1 NHS go in Plymouth and have been really pleased with our clinic here, obviously apart from the BFN! But wondering what to do!

I want to stay with Ocean Suite for this cycle, which will cost about £4000 because it'll be easy and undisruptive to a point! Also am guessing it'll be May/June treatment. Having heard about the FAR better success rates in London, DH wants us to wait until the summer hols (I'm a teacher) and go up to London for treatment up there. I know it's rational but dread the wait til the summer. Im going crazy waiting for follow-up let alone the summer hols! 

And in the end it all comes down to chance, so whether Ocean Suite have a 31% chance or London have 61% chance, we could STILL be in the BFNs?! Is that the wrong way to think?

I'm so torn and am really stressing now, having been feeling more positive about moving forward with this whole thing. Although hearing that another friend is starting IVF in the next couple of weeks but gets 3 free goes was slightly gutting. :-(


----------



## LouH

*Hennups* - the whole IVF lottery is not fair you poor girl.

Ref success rates in London, I think there is only the one clinic that gets the 61% and that is ARGC. There is a lot of FF and google chat about them and their methods. I too have been SO drawn to that success rate. From what I hear they do quite substantial tests beforehand and then monitor you religiously throughout and after adjusting your medication as you go, so you need to be available almost daily at key times. The initial app wait at the moment is about 6 weeks unless you can get a cancellation (would be interested to hear if this has changed). I have also heard that they might cherry pick patients avoiding those with high FSH and also have higher % of multiple embryo transfers hence the higher %, when clinics are being encouraged to achieve higher and higher % of single embryo transfers hence others being lower. I have talked to myself and given the commitment due to the distance have decided if I get BFN #2 at Chilterns then will think about moving there.

Good luck with your decision, I know how you feel on wanting next cycle soon, am in the same dilemma but the main thing is you make a choice you are both happy and content with....even if you stay at Ocean it may be much less stressful doing the cycle when you don't have to worry about work.

Lou xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hennups- hunny, it's still such early days for you to make such a big decision at this time do you think? let's face it, I'm sure you would rather make a decision you are 100% happy with, than one you may regret   I'm sure that like all of us, you would like to get started again straight away, and there is a certain amount of desperation, but deep down I think you know your dh is right? 
Personally, having had a few weeks to come to terms with it all, and think fairly clearly, I would choose the option that gives you the highest chances  
Please don't stress hunny, You know you'll make the right decision, just give yourself some time  

Ktcuddles


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

Just a quicky to say i've not forgotten about you all, i have been reading but feels like not posted for a while.

Big big    to all who are need of them right now x

Will try and catch up over the weekend, have a good one everyone and take care of yourselves x

Love Sam xx


----------



## lindylou1

Hennups, thats a tough one honey, it is very tempting to jump ship after a BFN in search of better success rates. Maybe things will be a bit clearer for you after your review appointment. Before reaching any desicion you would really have to do a lot of research and weigh up the pro's and con's of each option available to you and take into consideration the time it would take you to visit other clinics to check them out. Would you have somewhere to stay for the few weeks of treatment if you decided to go to London and were required to attend the clinic alomost daily or would you travel daily which would maybe cause extra stress? You would really need to take into consideration the possible stress associated with being away from home and the extra costs if you stayed up in London. That said, plenty of couples travel abroad for tx and manage fine. 

We only get two free goes with NHS Lothians but there is such a long waiting list (about a year and a half at the moment) that we opted to self fund rather than wait. Unfortunately any self funded treatments are subtracted from our free goes so we have lost one already by self funding the last one. TBH I can't imagine that we will want to wait a year and a half so will probably lose . 

Hmmm, not sure I've been much help. There are so many things to consider but I'm sure you will both reach the right decision between you. The most important thing is that you listen to each others views and come to a decision you are both happy with.


----------



## charlotte80

Hi all, i feel i've missed so much, don't get on here often and then have so many posts to read  

had a sad day yesterday, just felt everything got on top of me but i think the main reason was i was tired, had a few   and felt a little better.

hennups - i read on your post that your a teacher. I'm a primary teacher and wanted to ask how you got on with time of etc. My head has been pretty understanding but occassionally mentions about the amount of time i've had of lately. I too would like to start sooner then later but am unsure whether to stick with the same clinic.

doddyclaire - i know how you feel about work, i'm pretty fed up too. 

hope everyone else is getting by with the ups and downs


----------



## Nordickat

I'm really busy and then away all weekend but it seems we need a big cuddle. 
We will all get through this and we will all see the light at the end of the tunnel when we are ready. And when you are ready you'll be more able to decide on what to do next. 
Good things come to those who wait and I'm sure the longer the wait, the greater the reward.
 

 Katxxx


----------



## roxychick121

morning ladies its nearly the weekend yeh   


This is my saturday off so excited   , going out with sis in law to see abba musical and have dinner    really looking forward to getting a wee night out havent been out enjoying myself since january. 


Hope everyone has a nice weekend and that you all do something nice xx


I am taking a break from IVF to next year me and DH made the decision, as we have used are free go and also paid for 1 treatment so we have to save a while to go again. we want to enjoy a bit of us time.


Lindylou - Doing a med cruise with NCL Epic the ship is massive, i cant wait im so excited we where to go on a cruise last year we had it booked and all and then we got our letter to say we where at top of waiting list and my OTD test day was to be the day we went so we had to cancel it turns out BFN would have loved to have went but just wasn't meant to be.


BIG   to all xxxoo


----------



## lindylou1

Boy am I glad it's the weekend, I feel shattered this afternoon, too many early mornings this week for my liking! 

What is everyone up to this weekend?

Roxychick, your Abba night and dinner out sound good, hope you have a great time. Cruise sounds fabby too, I'm sure the wait you've had for it will all be worth it once you go. 

Charotte, hope you have had a better day today sweetie  

I should be night shift this weekend but because I was on an IT course today and have a night off to go to a Wedding Reception tomorrow night it means I only have one night shift to do on Sunday night so it's like having a bonus weekend off  

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend,

Lynn xx


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## doddyclaire

YARRRHOOOOOO!!!  Its the weekend!!  WHoop whoop!!
Am home from work with a glass of vino in front of me, thank God!!  That was a hard week, afraid I dissolved in tears last night but much better today!!

Hope everyone has a fab weekend xxxx


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## lindylou1

Claire, big  . Glad your feeling better today. Have a fantastic weekend! I'm gonna try to resist the vino tonight as intend letting my hair down and having a few glasses tomorrow night! Will probably be away with the goalie after a couple


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Everyone and welcome to the weekend!   

Quick question - has anyone else felt REALLY bloated a few days after OTD?? Don't think it's all those Minstrels...

Hope everyone's feeling ok.

Big   

MR
X


----------



## doddyclaire

Thank god its late at nite, buuuuuut........i'm just starting to bleed again, only 2 weeks since last bleed, is that right?

x


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi doddyclaire - not much help as i'm not sure really, they do say your first bleed is the 'implant' coming away, so could be your next bleed but as i said not really sure sorry.

Hope your ok  

Have a lovely weekend all xx

Sam xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls!

How are we all doing? 

Sorry I've not been around for a couple of days, I've been catching up with lots of friends, one of which was an old school friend and he gives the best hugs ever (much needed!) and another friend who had had ivf 16yrs ago, amazing how much it's changed! And managed to squeeze in another couple of friend too, which has been really lovely, nice to be busy with lovely people. 
I'm not looking forward to the next few days however, as happy as I am for my sister to be having another baby, and would never begrudge that happiness, I think it may be difficult for me, so I'm preparing myself now! 
Start our detox tomorrow (same day as sister having baby) but am looking forward to moving forward if you know what I mean?!?! 

Will check in later! 

Ktcuddles


----------



## Little Miss Me

HI there ladies.

Went out Friday and oh the hangover yesterday! I have had such a lazy weekend and maybe a little too much wine and waiting for takeaway to open now so we can order curry - so much for getting myself healthy again, eh?!

Claire - I know exactly what you mean about work. In my ideal world I just wanna be a stay at home mummy and wife and I just feel like my job has no relevance to our lives whatsoever and it's just so we can have money and keep plodding on.... My husband has started a business and that gives him purpose. We're quite old fashioned I suppose but he wants to be the breadwinner and all that. I just feel a bit lost and without purpose. When I was single my career was something I could put myself into but now it is so insignificant in comparison with the pursuit of trying to have a family. xxxx

Hennups - yeah the ARGC does have excellent rates but it is very expensive - I guess you've just gotta sit down with DH and weigh up all the pros and cons to make your decision. It's so tough when everything is just a big unknown. I'm sure whatever you decided will be what's right for you now xx

Charlotte - I'm a teacher too and I'm a bit nervous because this cycle my head seemed a little unnerved by how much time I needed off for appointments - I also took three sick days. I am pretty certain that he won't give me paid leave again so I'm going to see my gp to see if he would sign me off sick for the crucial parts of my next cycle. Hopefully that will work but maybe not. I'd hate to do it in the summer hols as for one it's too much of a wait and for two I need a break at some point in the year from all things stressfull! Also to not have the distraction of work for any of my cycle I might actually go mad....! xx

Sending big hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## charlotte80

Hi all, have had emotional couple of days   thought the weekends were suppossed to be relaxing but i think things came to a head this weekend and have had lots of  .

Little miss me - good idea about going to the GP to be signed off, may think about that one. I too don't want to wait till summer hols. We have our follow up on wednesday to find out next steps as unsure whether to stick with same clinic.

Ktcuddles - glad to hear you've had a good time catching up with friends. Perhaps I should give that a go, feel like i'm isolating myself at the mo as feel so down.

Hope everyone else has had a better weekend


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## LadyKtcuddles

Evening girls! 

Little miss me- glad you let your hair done on Friday   and have had a lazy weekend you deserve it Hun! 

Charlotte80-   I'm so sorry you've had a sad weekend hunny, it's good to let it all out though and I hope you feel a little better for having some   . As far as Catching up with friends goes, it's taken me about 4 weeks to get to this stage, I just wasn't ready for socialising so I isolated myself too,  I think it's all part of the healing process Hun, so do what you feel is right for you  
One step at a time sweetie  

Afm- am going to eat some more chocolate roulades to finish it so that the temptation is not there when we start detox tomorrow   I've just spoken to my sister for the last time before their baby is born tomorrow, and have realised that I'm really not as prepared for it as I originally thought earlier   I think it's going to be a tough few days  

Big   to everyone

Ktcuddles


----------



## Nordickat

Kt  - I really hope that baby's arrival doesn't hurt as much as you think it will. Sometimes the anticipation is much worse than the actual event   

Charlotte -   I hope letting all those tears out means you can sart fresh today

LMM - you are not the only one struggling to find purpose. Sorry, no words of wisdom on how to find our purpose, but youa re not on your own in feeling lost right now   

Claire - anything is normal in tx. Your body is probably just confused after all of the drugs and it does take 2 or 3 cycles to settle down again. If you bleed lots more than a normal af, call your clinic though   

MR - I hope the bloatedness has gone. Mine always goes as soon as af is on its way and any remaining bloating is purely down to the binge eating/drinking I do after a BFN. I hope you feel comfy again soon though   

Lynn - A week away by yourself sounds heaven to me. I probably wouldn't do the relaxing in the sunshine thing (beach and relaxing is not me) but I'd love an excuse to go away on an adventure by myself. Go! Its the last chance you'll get, after that it'll be family holidays for you and there will be no sitting in the sun with a baby in tow   .

Lots of love to everyone else and I hope you all had nice weekends, 
Katxxx


----------



## KarT

Hello everyone

KT let me know you were all here and sad as I am that you are, I am so relieved to be among your lovely friendly faces (well - you know what I mean) at this utterly horrible time.  

My OTD was today but I started bleeding heavily yesterday. Cried all day. Just when I thought it'd stopped it would start again. I'm totally drained now. Supposed to be going back to work tomorrow but struggling to keep my head up and focus on anything.

Clinic confirmed bfn this morning. DH and I had agreed we really needed 2-3 months totally off babymaking then we'd get back on the horse and do ICSI again. Unfortunately the clinic now have a waiting list til September (so starting from Aug period)

To be honest this has knocked me back further. I just don't think I can bear 6 months. 

Lindylou - we're in Lothians too and in exactly same boat as you. Having self funded this first cycle, that is 1 taken from our 2 NHS cycles. Like you I just couldn't wait 2 and a half years for NHS funded cycle so we're going to clear out savings for another self funded one.

Have toyed with idea of going private but it's an extra 2K (it's 4K for the self funding ICSI cycle at our local NHS hospital) for the sake of 3 months. And it would  eat into funds if we needed a 3rd cycle - already seriously hitting our savings. Though their results do seem slightly better....It's such a minefield.Any advice oh wise ones?!

DH left me with task of finding us somewhere nice to go this w/end and so far have either slept or cried today so I suppose I better go a0dn make an effort before he gets home from work....


Will do personals as soon as I stop being such a self absorbed old moo!!!! Big   to all xxx


----------



## Nordickat

KarT -   This isn't a thread where you need to do personals, its a thread where the people having a good day look out for those having a bad one so you be as self absorded as you need to be. Look after yourself right now and not us     Grief is a horrible lonely place and you have to get through it as best you can before making plans on what to do next. Don't make any decisions yet, just know your options are there, and cry or scream or wallow or whatever you need to do to get through your grief. A weekend away sounds lovely though and that is one decision you should make today  . As for work, I'm finding it hard right now, but if I didn't have to be here then there would be no reason to get out of bed. Maybe it will be a good distraction for you. I hope you are DH are continuing to squeeze all of the sadness out of eachother.
Thinking of you, 
Katxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Afternoon! 

KarT- huge   hunny, Glad you've found us.  

So, my sister had her baby, little boy   called him 'Dara'.  
kat was right, the anticipation was harder than the event, I think it helps that they live so far away and strangely them having another boy seems to have made it easier too, hope that doesn't sound nasty, wasn't meant to be.

Will check in later! 

Kt


----------



## doddyclaire

KarT - welcome along hunny, as Kat said, you dont need to do personals here, we all still rant and cry, and make each other smile and laugh.  A weekend away sounds like it could be just what the doc ordered!  Hope you find somewhere lush xx

KT - huge   hun, its something you'll learn to live with though, and one day it'll be you having a lovely yummy baby.

Right, so tonight I HAVE to go to the gym as been a lazy, drunken bum all weekend  so time to get movin.

Big hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## Nordickat

Kt - I´m sure when you finally meet him there will be mixed emotions, but I think in your heart you know that one day you´ll be making your sister an auntie too   


Claire - GET OFF THE SOFA! I hope you are at the gym as I type   


 to everyone else


----------



## lindylou1

KarT, Big   sweetie, so sorry you are going through this pain and sorrow. Just you be as self absorbed as you need to be right now and focus on getting through this with DH. It's good that you have been able to shed those   rather than bottle everything up. A weekend away will give you something to focus on. Hope you find somewhere nice to go. Are you at ERI like us? We are going to pop along to the Spire open morning on Saturday just to see what it's like and to keep our options open, although, as you say, it is a good bit more expensive than the ERI. 

Charlotte, Hope you are feeling better today honey. We are all here for you and it never did anyone any harm to have a good cry, in fact it probably helps to let it all out. 

Kt,   hugs, hope you are feeling okay. I'm sure you have many mixed emotions running around inside at the moment. How has the first day of your detox gone? 

Kat, thanks for the encouragement re the holiday, I know it would do me good and think I am just needing a nudge in the right direction. 

Claire, Hope you are okay. You will enjoy the gym when you get there, and even if you don't you will feel better afterwards (hopefully)

AFM, we had a our review appointment this afternoon and it didn't go as well as expected. The most frustrating thing is that we don't have any answers as to why things didn't work as they say that everything went really well up to transfer and it's basically pot luck as to whether the embryo implants. Tbh I didn't really expect them to be able to answer that question but I was hoping for some understanding so that we can move on. We were also told that we will probably only be able to transfer one frostie on any of our FET cycles because all our frosties are blasts and that is the clinics policy and we were really hoping for two. On top of that, after hoping for a May start it looks like it will be June/July at the earliest so more blooming waiting. I know I shouldn't complain as we are lucky to have the frosties but I came away feeling a bit down and disappointed and DH and I had a big argument over it which resulted in tears from me.  Sorry for the moan girls, just having a not so good day. Probably has everything to do with AF being due. Am off to the gym to work off my frusrations! And if that doesn't work I will be purchasing vast quantities of chocolate on the way home from the gym!!! 

Hope everyone else is okay,

Love and hugs,

Lynn xx


----------



## charlotte80

Thanks girls  
Today has been an ok day, being at work keeps me busy so no time to dwell on the good and bad.

Hope lindy lou and claire made it to the gym!

Lindylou - sorry you didn't get the answers you were hoping for, i'm hoping for answers on wednesday and not sure how i'll take it if they say nothing. We have no frosties so would have to start all over again

KT - i know how you feel. Only two weeks after my miscarrige two years ago my sister announced she was pregnant. I was angry and jealous and found it hard to deal with. Hope you are still doing ok.


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Evening girls

Think few of you need lots of    

Kart  - sorr youve had to join us, but nice to have you on here if that makes sence.  Think weekend away will do you the world of good  

Kt - hope your feeling ok tonight, must be hard for you, but like some of ther other girls have said one day you'll be a yummy mummy  

Lindylous - sorry things didnt go as well as you thought, but time will soon go and you'll be on next lot of treatment - easier said than done i know, im waiting for af to arrive, had spotting last week but hospital want a proper bleed and they know best, but waiting is a nightmare, but we'll all get there  

Charlotte80 - glad your day has been ok

Sorry if i've missed anyone

Claire and  Lindylou - hope you both had a good workout at the gym - i managed to go felt better once id been too  

Hope everyone is having a nice evening

Sam xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Right, been, done and i'm cream crackered  
Found I had put on 0.7kg this last week, not good but then I have been hitting the bottle a fair bit, and i'm not going to worry about it too much, just try and do a little better this week.

LindyLous - sorry that your follow up didn't fill you with enthusiasm, I guess there's only so much they can tell isn't there.  Hope you & DH have kissed and made up!

Off to shower now as I feel a bit manky   !!

x


----------



## starofhope

hi everyone


sorry to read about all your pains, disappointments and frustrations...some of you I have already met in the recent snowdrops cycle....alas, same as last time, my bfp (heralded by an awful case of ohss) is going to turn into a bfn/mc soon. My hcg levels are dropping and the clinic wants a final test on thursday to confirm they are dropping properly and then I guess I just have to wait for AF adn the F/U. I guess I should be grateful that at least I have managed to have implanting beans....but it just seems that much crueller knowing its never going to progress any further....


i'm glad you guys are here for support...after my last mc last year, the negative cycle board was a godsend....


DH and I are shedding the first tears....I think there will be many more to come...especially given I'm on clexane (anti-coagulant) due to the ohss i develped last week because of the BFP...our next tx will be six months away and just as well....i can't face any more drugs at the moment compared with last time when I wanted to almost go straightaway...


Will keep in touch and do personals later...sorry...


loads of love
soh


----------



## doddyclaire

SOH - oh hunny, so sorry, I really thought you had it in the bag babe 
Am really going to be   for you that the result improves, its such a sh1t time isnt it.
Hope you and DH are hugging the sadness out, it'll take time.

Plan some nice treats for the months inbetween hunny, and hey - hang out with us, we'll prop you up 

Take care, xxx


----------



## lindylou1

soh, so sorry you have ended up here. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to get that longed for BFP to have it snatched away again, it's so unfair. My thoughts are with you both.   

Claire and Sam, well done on making it to the gym   I went too and felt much better after it. I did have a sneaky wee bar of dairy milk to congratulate myself on going though   

Charlotte, hope your appointment on Wednesday goes okay. 

Lynn xx


----------



## miller

*KarT* not you too - I was so hoping you and your lovely bean would have better luck.  Biggest hugs to you and your DH. The sadness is awful but it will ease, in patches at least. Did you get anywhere with booking a holiday? We've been trying to do that too but finding it too exhausting and very hard to summon up the usual enthusiasm. As for the six month wait, do you think you might be able to see it as a really good chance to get both of you in the best physical and emotional state for beginning tx again? I have found that a helpful and positive challenge in the past.

*SOH* what a horrible shock to have to turn away from your BFP. And still to be suffering with the OHSS too - it really is too mean. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting any more drugs - I've chucked all mine in the back of the cupboard, vitamin pills and all, and am heartily glad to see the back of them. I really hope you can come off the Clexane soon. Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Sorry I haven't been here much - I found I needed a few days away and didn't have much strength to spare. I don't really know how I am - sometimes I probably appear absolutely fine and cheery and normal, and other times I just feel totally lost. The tears are never far away but I still haven't cried properly. I went back to work straight away which was probably the right thing to do but my brain is soooo sloooow and that upsets me too. We've had some lovely times - working in the garden in warm spring sunshine, going for a long muddy walk with a cosy pub lunch in the middle, making marmalade, doing some serious retail therapy - but it feels as if there's a kind of veil over it all which I can't lift.

There's one particular thing I'm concerned about and I hope it's all right to talk about it here. I'm really having problems about having sex again. DP is definitely up for it, poor lad, but the thought just makes me terribly sad. I think there are several things going on: because for these last few weeks my body has been entirely given over to tx I think I need to consciously reclaim it; I resent my body because it has let me down so badly; and I no longer feel there's any point having BMS so one of the incentives has gone. Does this ring any bells with you? Do you have any suggestions? Sorry if it's inappropriate to ask.

love to you all,
miller
xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Miller honey, big   to you.  We're here to help you and lend you strength, but I do understand the need to back away from all things tx related, I still have days like that myself.
I'm glad you are taking comfort from normal things like taking a walk, and a spot of gardening, most definitely the retail therapy!  These things, and more, are good for the soul and will help your healing process without you realising.

As for the   well, its pretty much the same in our house, I almost cant bear the thought of gettin it on (!) but DP is on the lookout daily now.  I feel like my body let me down, and left me with a big fat blimp shampe that is no way attractive at all, and certainly not conducive to rumpy pumpy!!  
The one thing I will say tho is that sex is also about the two of you connecting (quite literally) and re-positioning your love for each other, which has been shunted out of your mind by TX.  I would suggest a glass or two of wine, and telling him thats how you feel, it does help if they know what you're thinking and feeling.

Always here for you 

xx


----------



## starofhope

Hi miller, doddyclaire and lindylou

thanks for your kind words...I would love to hug you in person and squeeze some pain out of us but I think those tears are prob the way to go. I haven't cried as much as last time which surprises me. I hope I don't get too desensitized to all thus...that would be horrible in a way. 

As fir BMS...hah!!! My dh and I have struggled with thus fir the last couple of years! And I don't think it's jnappropriate at all...that is what ff is all about right? Actually both dh and I have list our sex drive completely. Dh, with more than is usual insight, has actually asked to go to counselling with me to work this out. I think it's very common in ivfers. Does your clinic offer counselling support?

Hi to the rest of you. I'm going back to work today. I can't bear the thought of being at home anymore and being reminded of all of this. I think someone at my work is having a tea as they are leaving for maternity leave...god, please give me the strength to not fall apart!

Loads of love
soh


----------



## Nordickat

SOH, I'm so sorry to read your news   Another bean too special for this world. You are right, a BFP followed by a loss is far far worse than a BFN. It doesn't matter how hard you try to keep your feet on the ground, you are pregnant and love that bean instantly and the future it holds   Is there any way you can avoid the maternity leave tea? You really don't need to put yourself through that right now. Thinking of you.

Miller   - the wonderful thing about anonymity means we can talk about anything here and for the record, crying is not complsory. I am so pleased you did say something though as I've spent years thinking it was just me as everybody else just seems to get on with it and even hope for a natural BFP in between tx, that would be the immaculate conception in my case   . I can't offer any advice I'm afraid but maybe SOH is right about considering councelling. I have to see a shrink for my depression and she has said that when our IVF attempts are over at the end of the year, she thinks we should have counselling together to get our relationship back on track. 

Claire - I guess we have to love ourselves again before we can imagine other loving us. I hope the gym boosts your confidence again and your pride in being you.

Lynn - well done on getting to the gym ..... you earned the chocolate for sure. I'm sorry your followup appt was a disappointment. Maybe  you could see the fact it was just bad luck as a good thing. Your luck will change soon though. The fact that you have 6 balsts on ice is a really really good sign. Getting ice babies at all is fab, but getting 6 of them to blast really is great and shows what high quaility embies you have got - you have a real head start there. I would happily place money on your luck changing and one of those blasts becoming your baby very soon.

Sam - good for you on getting to the gym too.

KarT - I hope you are as OK as you cna be today   

Kt - how is your detox going?

Love to everyone else too, 
Katxxx


----------



## KarT

soh - massive  . It's such an awful grief isn't it. I really hope you managed at work and could avoid that mat leave event if possible - that seemed a bit too tough. Wish I could say more - thinking of you and massive virtual  

kat - thank you so much for the lovely welcome   How are you doing? Did you get away on a holiday? Glad to hear you are planning for your next attempt and everything possible to cross crossed for you.

kt - have you met your nephew yet? how are you bearing up? I probably said before but SiL & I got pg within week of each other then I m/c. Walking up stairs to ward to visit the night he was born is imprinted on my memory. Felt I dragged myself up there and that I was in a cold sweat thinking I wouldn't be able to do it without bursting into tears. I walked into the ward and she just handed him to me. I just held him & gazed at him for about half an hour & fell totally in love with him. Last thing I expected. He's nearly 1 now & we're big pals. I so hope the same for you and Dara. xxxxx

lindylou - yes, we're at ERI too. I'm so sorry your review was frustrating. Have you & DH made up? It's such a stress on your relationship I know. We're going away this w/end so can't go to open day at Spire however I did email them today and am considering it. If their results really are better I am trying to work out if it might be worth the extra money. Let me know how the open day goes?

miller - thank you so much for your lovely words, they mean a lot to me.  . It's early days for you too sweetheart - you're still grieving. So glad you have done some lovely things but it's not surprising you can't always be your normal cheery self. it will just take some time xxx

afm - it has been a bit better today. I pretended to work but really just sat staring at my computer and emailing friends to let them know. However I looked like a vaguely normal person which is a start. My parents have been amazing - they are so upset and really understand my grief. Dh & I have booked a lovely hotel in highlands for the w/end and are looking at cheap and cheerful weeks in the sun in June. He's also trying to persuade me to do a 10K. I gave up running almost a year ago. I read somewhere running is quite hard on your body if you're trying for a baby so thought I've leave off and see if it made a difference. It hasn't so I think it might be time for me to try and be 'normal' for a bit. So I probably will - maybe there's a neonatal charity or something I could run for that would inspire me.

So glad miller brought up the whole thing about sex and this crazy rollercoaster we all on! I'm also relieved to hear this is common! Unfortunately with us it's rather the other way around. A few months back he started to find the pressure of having to  .. ahem, do his thing on certain days and on demand.. let's say off putting. Our GP was fab and gave him something to help. However the whole thing has just put him off sex. We finally spoke about it on Sunday. We've decided it's part of the reason why we need some time off ttc - so we can try and be normal& get our relationship back on track. Like you kat - way things are just now there's NO WAY I'd get pg naturally between tx!!!! We're not even going to try (no ovulation kits, temp charts etc), we're just going to try and have normal sex like normal people do.... haven't done that for at least 3 years! Have almost forgotten what it like.... Of course it hasn't been great for my confidence that he feels like that but I really want to try and get things back to how they used to be between us so I have to be brave.
I can relate to how you feel about your body though miller. Our poor bodies have taken such a hammering. I suppose all the more reason then why they should be loved & treasured? Wasn't it you that had that saucy dream while you were pupo?! Maybe you should try re-living that!!! 

weather here is so wet, grey & miserable - really not helping my mood. Back to taking classes tomorrow at work -just praying I can keep it together  xx


----------



## lubeloo

Hello Ladies
I was not a Snowdrop but got a BFN in february and hope you don't mind me joining in.  We are thinking about having more treatment in april, but I just seem to be feeling so flat and hopeless about it.  It was our 3rd IVF attempt , the second cycle was successful but we had to end the pregnancy at 18 weeks and although we waited a year before trying again it still really hurts and I can't seem to get over it. Do you think I should wait until I am feeling better before I start again?  I am 36 and know that I should keep going asap as I have really low hormones but it is so difficult.  Dh is supportive but finds it really difficult to talk about. How do you ladies manage to keep so positive?
The clinic suggested that I may want to consider donor eggs too, and that has thrown more dilemmas into the mix.  I really appreciate any advice.  This process can be so lonely. xxx


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## annairb

sorry I've been out of the loop...time away and all that. sorry everyone is on here and really sorry for my rant.....

I'm so upset! it seems everytime i pick myself up I'm just waiting for the next punch...god I cant type fast enough with all the emotion that is bursting out. I went for a follow up appointment 2 weeks after my BFN and I thought I was dealing quite well. unfortunetly the nurse I saw had a very strong accent and as I have a hearing impairment I struggled to understand her. She said that I have a low AMH but didnt really understand it..I was so blown away at the fact that suddenly I have a problem as well as DH that I didnt ask questions or comprehend what she was saying. Any how...I had another follow up appointment yesterday ( is that normal?) and saw a lovely nurse who went through everything with me.

she explained what an AMH is and that women are born with a certain amont of eggs and then they run out. apparantly over 15 is good?? she then said that my peak fertility was probably in my teens and that my level is 4.4. with DH sperm being 3!!!! we were very very lucky to have 5 follies, 4 eggs and 2 fertilisations. It was like she was saying...dont expect that next time. she said that if the next treatment isn't as sucessful as the last one that she wouldnt necessarily advise a 3rd treatment as it may be a waste of money and that I may need an egg donor...you just don't expect your SODDING life to turn out like this!!!! Sorry....

its just that I was just beginning to feel like Ive turned a corner, I'm back to work, I'm wearing make up, I kind of feel together and don't want to rip pregnant peoples throats out...and then this! I'm petrified of spiralling down again (hence coming back on here to write).

they also said, have the treatment sooner rather then later....OK THEN I'll just pull £4850 out of thin air shall I??!!! sorry...i'll be quiet now

Hi guys, I'm back xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Evening ladies! 

Lindylou- sorry you didn't feel you got the answers from your follow up appointment sweetie, I'm sure  the  arriving soon makes everything 50x worse  

SOH- so sorry this has happened to you again hunny,   take care of you and dh, loads of   

Miller- hope you're feeling better hunny, and getting your strength back   as far as  
Goes, try a dirty weekend away! It worked for us, I surprised my husband by booking a hotel and romantic dinner, champagne ect,  he knew nothing about it until I drove up to the hotel so he was really apprehensive and so was I, because I didn't know what he was going to say, it felt like a first 
date, and it took us away from the norm so we felt like there was no pressure. Highly recomend it when you feel a bit more like it!  

Lubeloo-   and welcome hunny,   I think only you will know when the time is right to start again sweetie   rebuild your strength and then go for it!  

Annairb- oh sweetie   how horrible for you hunny   take some time to get your 
head around it all, take a deep breath, and try to move forward   we're here for you!

Afm- thanks for all your kind words, am ok (ish) karT- I won't be meeting my little nephew until the middle of April, they live along way away from us so I have to wait until I can have some time off work. I've had a picture and he is really gorgeous, looking forward to having lots of sqwidges in April. 

Lindylou & kat- detox seems to be going well so far, both dh and I are feeling very dizzy and weeing a lot but I'm sure it's all part of the course! Takes ages to put all the drops in the water though, between us we have 170 drops!   it tastes like gin! Every cloud and all that!   

Am cream crackered, so off to bed! 
See you all tomorrow, sweet dreams! 

Ktcuddles


----------



## Nordickat

lubeloo - of course you are welcome to join us but sorry you find yourself here   Don't be under any illusions though that we are all positive and you are the only one feeling negative as its really not the case. I'm so sorry you lost your little one but I suspect it will hurt forever, although hopefully the pain will ease a little with time. Have you had any councelling at all? Its not for everyone I know, but it might help. Our hormones drop over time and not suddenly so if you feel you need another couple of months to get some strength to try again then I think that would be better than trying when you feel low. I can tell you from experince that a BFN when you tried too soon really realy hurts 

KarT - do the run! You'll not be running while you are having tx so I'm sure it'll do you the world of good. The healther you are the better and then add the mental benefits of completing your challenge I reckon it'll be just what you need  No holiday plans for me anymore until we know how our little pupster is (and how much he'll cost to fix)  I hope work goes OK today.

Anna   Please don't appologise and certainy don't be quiet. Your AMH is low but yet you still managed to get 4 eggs. Thats a good thing, and there is no reason you'll not do the same again next time. I know its lots to take in and process so take some time. Your AHM is not going to drop over night and feeling good knowing you are doing the right thing is more important than rushing into anything before you are ready. Have you found the low AMH thread? I think 4.4 is higher than lots of other ladies. http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=253774.732 Be brave, you will be a mummy 

Kt - By the time April comes round your pain will be less and I bet Dara does nothing but melt your heart 

Love to you all, 
Katxxx


----------



## lindylou1

Hi ladies,

Hope veryone is okay. 

Lubeloo and Annairb, sorry you have had to join this thread, it always makes me sad to see new people joining as it always means someone else is suffering pain. I hope you find the support you need here, which I'm sure you both will.
Lubeloo, I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to have lost your pecious little one, especially that far on. My heart really goes out to you. It's good that you are getting support from DH, I think men in general find it more difficult to discuss their emotions and tend to put a brave face on things. You will probably know in yourself when you feel ready to go again but it's important to get those emotional and physical reserves up again first.  
Annairb, rant away as much as you like, we will all be here to listen and support. It is difficult to be positive after receiving disappointing news. I know it's easier said than done but try to stay strong, it sounds like you have been doing really well and you don't want to undo any of that.

Kt, Hope you are okay. Pleased to hear the detox is going okay. How long are you on it for? Taste of gin doesn't sound too bad, could be alot worse! 

KarT, yes, DH and I have made up  . Think we were both just having an 'off' day. Will let you know how the open day goes. Think we will probably stay with ERI but thought we would go along for a nosey anyway to see what Spire is like. Missed a call from the ERI this avo while I was at work but they left a message saying they wanted to clarify a couple of points we spoke about on Monday. Will call them back tomorrow to see what they want to discuss. You should definately go in for the 10K, it will give you something other than tx to focus on and an incentive to train.

Miller, hope you are feeling a bit better honey. You will cry properly when you are ready to and it will probably hit you when you least expect it. When my dad passed away it took me a while to cry properly but it came eventually, everyone has different ways of dealing with things and there is no 'normal'. It's nice to hear you have been doing some lovely things with DP. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. 

Kat, any more news on wee Pupster? Sorry to hear your holiday plans are on hold. Hopefully your vet bill won't be too high.

SOH, Hope your return to work has been going okay. 

Big   to everyone else.

Lynn xx


----------



## charlotte80

Hello ladies,
I'm back from my follow up and feel I have no real answers. Nothing really to explain why i didn't work, but i half expected that response  . So they recommend having tests done, as many as i can get on the NHS and then go from there. They seemed happy to carry on with using DH frozen sperm, but couldn't tell us how much is left! I felt the need to ask that. We are looking into other clinics, possibly in London. I feel the need to try somewhere else and this may make me feel more positive. I asked about fragmentation as all my eggs had some, but apparantly that makes no difference. So I now await news on when to have all these tests. DH and I are busy searching clinics on google!

Just wanted to add to all your threads - DH and I have not felt like anything intimate in a long time. I just seem to have gone off the idea and like many of you don't feel sexy   Also DH has been in and out of hospital since August and that just seems to have put a spanner in the works.

I had a good cry when I got home as would like my life to be 'normal' and would just like the one thing i long for. DH and I had a chat about being there fore each other and I must try not to push him away. I feel like I would like our relationship to be more than hospitals but on the other hand am desparate to be a family.  Oh why is life so complicated ...


----------



## doddyclaire

Evening ladies

Well, i'm feeling a bit deflated, the closer it gets to f/u on Friday, the more despondant I feel.  I just know that I will be completely devastated all over again if they make us wait months to start again.  Had my hair chopped off today to cheer me up, it worked for a while, but feelin a bit low again now.
DP is taking me out for dinner tonight to one of our fave restaurants, and he's driving so I gets to drink the vino 

Hope everyone is ok, apologies for the lack of personals, I just don't feel I have it in me tonight 

Big love to you all tho.
xx


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## charlotte80

doddyclaire - you summed up how I feel too- deflated! I hope you get some good answers on Friday.
Hope you enjoy your dinner.


----------



## KarT

Morning lovelies

Charlotte - big   It's so frustrating - we've got a f/u booked but I could tell from what the nurse said when I went in for blood tests there will be no answers and nothing they will do different next time. Just more fecking bad luck. I think looking around at other clinics is no bad thing - we're doing the same. Though have promised DH that we'll leave it a week before talking again. My DH has MS (though thankfully he keeping v well & most our friends don't even know) so I know the extra strain you have of having DH's health to worry about on top of everything else. As if this journey isn't tough enough. So huge   

claire - I so hope they have some answers and suggestions for you and you thoroughly enjoyed that vino. I am deeply concerned that my vino love is not back yet. I really must be depressed. Hoping will be back in time for our w/end away this w/end.

anna - I know how you feel, it's all just a big pile of poo & none of it is fair. My clinic has a counsellor who I went to speak to and it seems the main emotion I have is anger. I'm so fecked off with the injustice of it all and how the knocks just keep coming. Sounds like you feel the same. She said I am right to be angry and need to let it out with big rants. So you come on here and rant as much and as loud as you like. I think Kat is right though - I didn't think 4.4 was that bad (you got a great crop last time) and I'm sure there are lots of stories on here from people with much lower.

lindy - great ERI called you back. Makes me think better of them - it's good they are thorough. And the nurses are all so lovely. I've sent for Spire info - all their chat about their supersonic incubators makes me nervous - like maybe at ERI they aren't so good but overall I did think they were good & that extra money just seems mad. What a tough decision this is.

lubeloo - how are you doing?I only got my bfn on Monday & the lovely ladies advised me to try and think of diverting activities to cope and that has really helped. We've booked a couple of hols and signed up for a 10K. However I still cry every couple of hours or so - or whenever anyone is nice to me/not nice to me/a puppy is cute/I see a pram... the list goes on. I think it's just going to be hard for a bit but we will all get through it somehow. Coming on here definitely helps.  

afm - managed to teach a class yesterday without bursting into tears or appearing deranged. Off to do the same again this afternoon though wobbling this  morning. As soon as I wake up I just feel this horrible dread and sadness come over me.   It's not a good way to start the day. My bro called last night and started talking about adoption.... How it takes 2 years and shouldn't we just start the process anyway. I know he meant well - but as if I don't have enough to think about! Truth is I haven't even had the chat with DH yet - I just don't know what I'd do if he said he couldn't. Anyone any experience of this?

I also wondered if you ladies could tell me what happens with your normal cycle now. Did people find that they just went back to their usual or are things disrupted a bit? I remember after m/c I didn't have a period for 6-7 weeks.
Stupid really but DH & I looking at sunny hols somewhere in early June and trying to time it so I don't have AF so can enjoy some watersports etc!Unfortunately there's only 1 week we can both get off work so I might not have any choice....

Big   to all


----------



## Nordickat

its seems we need one.

So some of you seem to be thinking about changing clinics. Before you do change though remember that the clinic you are at already knows you and your body and for all a failure hurts, it does give them info on what worked for you and what doesn't. When talking about how many attempts I've had, my clinic don't even count my the attempts at my previous one.  You also need to remember that it does take on average 3 attempts to get your BFP and maybe if you are happy and relaxed at your clinic its not worth changing just yet and starting all over again. On the other hand it might make you feel better to try something new. Just don't rush into decision making in the midst of grief   

KarT   I hope it gets easier with each class you teach. My cycles go back to normal straight away (although I don't ov agian for a few months). Mooncups are the way forward as far as af and watersports go  . You'll have a fab time af or no af. And yep, I've been through the adoption process (although in Norway not the UK) so ask away. 

Claire   I hope you had a lovely dinner and that you have woken up feeling brighter than yesterday. I think the feelings of emptiness and deflatedness are even worse than KarTs anger as you don't even have the energy to shout or even cry about it anymore. It will get better I promise, and I hope after your appt on Friday you can get proper closure on this cycle and make a plan for the next. 

Charlotte   You are way more than just hospitals, infertility and H lymphoma, its just hard to see it sometimes. How is DHs infection? I hope you can take a break from hospitals for a bit and be just you and him again for a while. Your egg numbers are just perfect and to get 14 out of 15 fertilise is really fantastic. Just hang in there, there really is no reason for it not to work next time.

Lynn - I think we get the puppy verdict today or tomorrow. The insurance company said they will pay so hopefully it won't cost us a thing  unless he has to have swimming therapy   to build up his muscle again.  I hope you are doing OK?

Anna and Kt -   I hope yo uare both OK today too

And I hope today is kind to all of you, 
 Katxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls! 

Hope everyone feels a little better today? 

 and hope you're ok too kat? A little   for your pupster too! 

Afm- a little bit brain dead today (nothing new there then!) I think there's too much thinking going on! 


Kt


----------



## Nordickat

I just had  message from the vet and I think pupster is going to be OK   We won't hear properly until Tuesday but I have to collect some pain killers and then he can go back to normal walks and that has to be good news I'm sure. 10 minute trips are so frustrating for him and he then drives me nuts due to lack of running   . So he's OK, jury is still out on me I'm afraid Kt. I hope you got your brain together eventually today   Just a thought but maybe hubby could not be bothered to count out all the drops this morning and put a splash of gin in instead?


----------



## hennups

Hi ladies - sorry I've been a bit quiet. The word 'deflated' is definitely appropriate. Am ok in work but can't face seeing friends or family. DH has gone to London to work as of yesterday and I can't bear the thought of doing something without him to help me fend off all the questions. It's the tilted head, sad lips look of "Sooooo,, how are you then?" If it's not sympathy about my dad it's sympathy about this whole stinky thing. 
 
However, DH and I _have_ been very good together and talking loads and laughing lots too, which sounds silly but I'm still ostriching! As soon as AF disappeared we went out, got merry and did the deed. That was Friday and the first time since before new year!! Then did it Sunday, Monday and Wednesday mornings too which is the most in like months!
 
Had really annoying news too though, just 2 days after this cycle failed. This incredibly immature and annoying TA at work (honestly, she's soooooooo annoying) announced she was 6 weeks pregnant. I kinda think, how stupid is that really? Surely you wait a little, ie 12 weeks to tell most people? I dunno, I've got such a big mouth and my family will certainly know. But her little brother is in year 1 and told everyone. Mind you, she'd told the new supply teacher by the end of the day so she's obviously keen! 
 = NOT!
Anyway - she was then in absolute tears on Wednesday morning and I thought the worst, that she'd lost the baby. Turns out that the bloke she's 'with' has left her for his ex girlfriend. I thought that sounded really harsh given her 'news' until I was told that she is now 7 weeks pregnant and they've been together 9 weeks. AGHHHHHHHHH! I am so genuinely happy for genuinely happy pregnant people, but I just can't even be in the same room as her. 
 
So yeah, that's what I've been doing. Being a recluse mostly and getting p'd off with the 20 year old idiot at work who manages to get pregnant like that!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening girls! 

Kat- I'm so pleased little pupster is going to be ok! Hopefully it's the Start of a run of positive things for you!   and an extra   for you Hun. 
I managed to get my brain into gear at about 2pm!   And chance would have been a fine thing if dh had put gin in instead, at least I'd of had an excuse!  

Hennups- It seems that you and dh have got a wonderful relationship!  
And that 'girl' sounds very immature! She would p**s me off too! I was only saying to my dh last night about people that fall at the drop of a hat, or do it to 'trap' their man, let's face it it really is 'UNFAIR'  

Kt


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## doddyclaire

Hey gorgeous girlies!!!

Sorry I seem to have gone missing for a day or so!!

Kat - really chuffed to hear that the pupster is going to be ok, fab news!

Hennups - agree with ya, that girl sounds like the kind of person that should be given over to stress therapy, by punching her lights out!!  What an immature, irresponsible biatch she sounds like.  Easier said than done, but you have try and not let it get to you.  

Well, we've just got back from our follow up appointment, which went very well, the doc said that the most likely reason for failure was chromosonal defects, as my lining was perfect and everything else seemed ok.  Nothing they can do about that though.  My FSH is 12.7 which is obviously really high, so he said that in this next cycle they will increase the gonal f from 225ml to 350, that should help, he said no other tests would be necessary.  So.....we go back on tuesday to sign the consent forms and as soon as AF arrives (which should be next week) we can kick off again, probably on long protocol again, so will be taking the pill for 6 weeks or so before stimming!!
Am really excited and happy, feels like a step closer again, and i'm really glad they're not making us wait too long, we were both grinning like idiots coming out of the clinic!!

So, happy weekend to everyone, I hope whatever you're doing brings you joy!!

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all getting ready to enjoy the weekend. Backshift weekend for me   which always turns out to be really busy! I am 5 til 3am today and tomorrow then 2 til midnight Sunday. 

Claire, I am so pleased for you that your follow-up went well. How exciting to be almost ready to get going again. 

Kat, pleased to hear pup is going to be okay, being allowed to go on walks again is definately good news for both you and pupster. Hopefully he won't drive you so mad if he's allowed to expend a bit of energy!

Hennups, I could scream for you honey, I would find that girl extremely annoying and frustrating too. I find myself asking once again .... Why is life so unfair?? Hope DH isn't working away for too long. I've got three weeks alone coming up at the end of this month while DH is away trekking. I have to say I'm kind of dreading it, not that I would tell him that though as I don't want to spoil his trip. He's so excited about it, bless. 

Charlotte, sorry to hear your follow-up didn't provide any answers, it is all so frustrating. If we knew what had gone wrong at least we could try to rectify whatever that was on the next go. I hope you don't have too long to wait for your tests.

Kart, I agree ERI have been very good. Called them back and they were just clarifying that our FET cycle will count as a continuation of our fresh IVF cycle rather than a complete new cycle which means we can use up all the frosties and will still be entitled to an NHS cycle. So, a bit of good news I guess. Still got to wait til June to start though. As for when cycles return to normal, I have no idea, I am three days late and none of the usual AF symptoms of sore boobies and bloatedness to suggest she is on her way  

Best get my skates on and get ready for work I suppose

Hi to everyone else, hope everyone has a fabby weekend,

Lynn xx


----------



## Nordickat

Hennups -    I guess you just have to rise above it. Happiness in whatever form it comes is the most important thing we can have, and you and DH have that together. I know there is a big thing missing in your lives, but you have a great relationship which makes you happy ....... I think you can be a bit smug about that and quietly smirk to yourself next time she gets on your nerves.

Kt - at least your brain did eventually engage ...... maybe gin would have helped   

Claire - its great to you oozing positivity, long may it continue   

Lynn - I think you really need to make a plan of action for DH being away. Time for soul searching is great but not too much of it at once. Did you decide on a week away anywhere? Can you not sneak into his backpack ....... his trip sounds fantastic  

My stress levels are currently through the roof and not helped by a dog with more energy than he can expend   Thankfully I decided to take today off, if I had gone to work I may have actually killed somebody!

Have lovely weekends all of you, 
Katxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

I feel pants today!  

Kt


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - whats up hunny??  

x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- bless you Hun,   
I woke up in a really good mood this morning, sun shining etc, feeling good.... The moment I left the house to go over to my mums I started to feel really depressed and close to tears!   am really really fed up with the ups and downs and not knowing when to expect them! I know this is all probably connected to my new nephew being born, and it's probably just a down day, and there's so much other stuff going on in our life at the mo too, I'm just pi**ed off with it all! 
Sorry for the rant, just think it's all been too much this week, you can only be strong for so long before you break! 

Kt  

Ps, I bet you wished you hadn't asked!


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh love, well it IS a new thing, with your nephew, its going to take a while to get used to, and your emotions aint half been thru the mill lately.  Don't be hard on yourself, when you feel the urge to cry, or shout, let it out, it'll do no good being pent up.
Hope you get some lovely mum hugs, they work a treat for me 

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Kt, huge   coming your way honey. Rant as much as you like if it makes you feel a bit better. You have had a difficult week so don't be too hard on yourself. Hope you have a nice time at your Mum's. xx

Kat, Hope your stress levels have come down a bit. Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend? Still not sure what to do while DH is away. I am only off work for the first week he's away and still thinking about a week away but not got round to booking yet, hoping for a last minute deal. I actually looked at Bootcamps but there are very few running that week and those which are running are fully booked. I am at work the second and third week so that will keep me occupied and I will arrange coffee/lunch/dinner with friends to fill in my days off. I aim to get to the gym as much as possible too, will be like a new woman by the time he comes home  


KarT, Hope you are enjoying your weekend away. You didn't miss much at the Spire open day, it was very much aimed towards people who haven't been through tx before and covered only the basics. You could have a five minute private consultation with Dr Thong, Mike Steele the embryologist or the head nurse and a mini tour of the facilities. I would say it's nothing overly special really. Granted, there are private room's but lets face it, how long are we actually there for after ec, is it really worth the extra cost? Also, we'd be paying all that extra for the same head consultant and head embyologist we would have overseeing things at the ERI anyway. It's also difficult to interpret the success rates because the place is so new. We have decided to stay put at the ERI until we have used up our frosties and then maybe assess the situation again should we require another fresh cycle. 

Lynn xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire -thanks Hun,   I don't think my mum has even noticed, she's more pre occupied with doing a web cam with my sister which I do understand, mum always said that my sister was the needy one and I was the strong independent one, I think that's why I find it so frustrating when I feel like this! Got my best mate coming over in a bit, he'll cheer me up!  

Lindylou- thanks for the   

Deep breath and carry on! 


Kt


----------



## Mrs Rock

Ladies can I join in?  

Hi again doddyclaire. 

Ktcuddles I know how you feel from my BFNs.  You think you're ok and then they suddenly catch you up again.  

I wasn't much of a Snowdrop as I did FET so it's not really the same as being cycle buddes on a fresh cycle.  But feeling the need for the negative cycle support now.  Am having a bl**dy 'missed miscarriage'. Just can't wait for something to happen otherwise will have to have ERPC on Tuesday.  Someone tell me a funny joke or something, please?


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Mrs Rock- I'm so sorry Sweetie!   how awful for you    my heart goes out to you and dh   you are more than welcome here Hun, i know it's my saviour being here! And were all here for you too sweetie   

Kt


----------



## Mrs Rock

Thank you Kt   

Did understand that right, you have a new nephew? Have you seen him yet?  I have a nephew myself and I adore him, he is almost 7 although I still think of him as a wee baby for some reason.  He is the apple of my eye but I admit that occasionally I feel sad when I see him and wonder why I ony get to be an aunty not a mummy. I expect you feel a bit like that, and it is worse when they are little babies I think.  But hopefully you will get to enjoy him in time


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi Mrs Rock - so sorry to see your news, sending you big  
Wish I could tell you a funny, but my mind's gone blank!!

xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Thanks doddyclaire.  Can't think of any jokes either      Feel a bit better now than I did this morning though.  BTW I tried that non-alcoholic wine from Sainsburys which you tried.  The white was not great, just like apple juice really.  At least now I can have the real thing eh   .  I still have the rose and the red in the cupboard and haven't tried them yet.  Did you try them, were they any nicer than the white??


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh God, I tried them, as I said to my mum, they tasted like rank rat's p*ss!!!  Won't even bother next time!!  Tonight i've got a lovely fruity pink to get through!!  To be honest, I have been enjoying being able to drink again, its no consolation I know, but take comfort in small pleasures 

Glad you are feeling a little better, its an awful time, but at least on here, there's always someone around who understands how you feel

Group hug -  

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Mrs Rock- Yes he was born on Monday, have only seen pics as they live so far away, he's their second my other nephew is 2 and a half, and he's the most adorable little boy and we have a great relationship even though we live so far away. I find it particularly difficult with this sister because she was adamant she never wanted children! And I've wanted kids all my life! I'm so pleased for them that their family is complete, but on the flip side I'd be happy with starting ours!  

Joke for you girls! ....'walkers' are to add spun* flavoured crisps to their range, they will be marketed as 'diet crisps' as 97% will spit the f**kers out! 
Sorry if this offends anyone but it made me laugh so much when I heard it!  

Kt


----------



## Mrs Rock

I can't help it, I am laughing a little bit at that   

Well congrats on your new nephew Kt.  My nephew was an accident and my sister at first was pretty gutted!  It's very hard not to resent things like that. 

2 years ago my bf had a termination which is pretty much the same procedure I'll be having on Tuesday, to think she chose that makes me want to spit! although I am painfully aware that it's not for me to judge her.  But now she is about to get married and is desperately trying for a baby, same partner and everything! She is worried the termination may have left her with some scarring or something, which is what worries me about Tuesday.  GGGGRRRRRRR!

doddyclaire I won't bother looking forward to trying that wine next time then!  

I do hope that next time comes soon.


----------



## charlotte80

Mrs Rock - I feel your pain. My missed miscarriage was two years ago yesterday so yesterday was a sad day. I had an ERPC. I really don't remember being in the hospital as my mind was all over the place. Had crampy pains afterwards and some bleeding. I just felt numb that day because part of me didn't want to get rid of the baby, it was my baby and I wanted everything to be ok. Hope it all goes ok.  

Doddyclaire - good news about your follow up, so pleased someone had some answers  . Can I ask why you take the pill for that long?

I haven't had a good start to the weeknd. Was up in the early hours of the morning being sick and feel rubbish. Hopefully it was a short lived bug one of my delightful pupils gave me   Have managed to venture out for a small walk in the sunshine. Should be tackling planning for work next week but feel the need for a snooze.  
Hope you all enjoy your weekend


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi Charlotte, the reason I take the pill that long is that I don't respond to buserilin on down regging, so they put me on the pill instead!

Hope you feel better soon

x


----------



## Nordickat

Mrs Rock   I´m so sorry you are losing precisou one    This little one was obviously too specail for this world   

Kt   Thats the problem with generally being the brave one, people don´t tend to notice when you need some support. I hope tomorrow is a better day

Lynn - as long as you have lots of coffee date planned I´m sure you´ll be fine

Claire - I hope you are still smiling knowing that you´ll be on the road to mummyhood again.

Charlotte - I hope the snooze did the trick and the bug has gone.

Did any of you watch much of comic relief last night?    I think I was way too het up and upset to watch it really. If we hadn´t had IVF we could have used the money to save 1000s of lives instead of failing to create one. I found it pretty tough to watch this year. Is it just me or do you find your thoughts running away in the strangest self berating directions when you are hurting? We were supposed to be going to buy a new bed today which we certainly don´t need, just would like, so we donated our bed fund to Comic Relief instead. The old bed will be just fne for another year. 

Don´t forget to check out the super bright moon tonight.
Love all round, 
Katxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Well done Kat, very proud of you for doing that   What a lovely thought.
I did watch some of it, but was soooo sleepy last night, that i'm sure I dozed thru most of it!!

Been looking out for the moon, but haven't seen any difference yet.....altho the paper today said the brightness wouldn't be visible to the naked eye.......

And yes, i'm still smiling 

xxxx


----------



## lindylou1

Kat, what a wonderful thing to do. I didn't manage to watch any of CR of this year because of working. It really puts things into perspective though, how lucky we are to have been born in a developed country.  

Charlotte, hope you are feeling better sweetie. That's one of the drawbacks of working with children, you get exposed to all the bugs going around. 

The moon was very big and bright in Scotland at 4am this morning when I got home from work. It's really weird but a full moon always means a busy shift for us, it really does send drunken idiots even more bonkers, we dealt with fights galore last night! 

Last shift today then off Monday and Tuesday  

Hope you all  enjoy the rest of the weekend

Lynn xx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Everyone

Have been away all week with work in Prague - total nightmare working silly hours and no time to post!  At least it distracted me..... 

We are going to try a new clinic on Weds (as well as going for our f/u at the old one). Have heaps of Qs for them - just hope they have some answers.

So sad so many of us are having such a tough time.    Am finding it hard to cope with silly little things, just bcos I'm so upset/stressed generally.

Sorry for the lack of personals. Hope everyone's Sun eve is going ok  

MR
X


----------



## Mrs Rock

Charlotte my sympathies are with you for your missed miscarriage.  Can imagine it was a horrible day on Friday.  Horrible for me too.  Helps to know I'm not alone with these feelings.  I hope you are over your bug and feeling better.

Nordickat thank you.  It's generous of you to donate your bed fund.  You will deserve to sleep so sweetly in the old one.

I still can't decide whether to have ERPC on Tuesday or just keep waiting.  Just keep going over and over it in my head     .  Went to an exhibition today to try to distract ourselves.  When we got there, there was a huge queue so we gave up.  Not such a great day.  Came home and ate chocolate biscuits and watched old episodes of 'House', that was better at least   

Hi Madeline just noticed you are at Guys up to now - us too.  Where are you moving to?  We are thinking of ARGC.


----------



## beachgirl

Evening

Nordickcat, what a lovely thing to do x


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Mrs Rock

Sorry to hear what you are going through and not sure how to advise you I'm afraid.

We are looking at the Lister as an alternative to going back to Guy's. Have been to The Lister before and liked it a lot and success rates are v high. Looked at ARGC but decided not for us - especially having read some online accounts of patient experiences - overcrowding, unsympathetic doctors and lots of multiple births. Their success rates are high though....so I know where you're coming from.
 

MR


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Morning ladies!

Extra big   today for everyone as we go into another week.  

Kat- what a lovely thing to do Hun,  

MrsRock- thinking of you sweetie  

Madelinerose-   

Charlotte80- hope you're feeling better hunny  

Lindylou, doddyclaire, And beachgirl- big  

Ktcuddles


----------



## Nordickat

Mrs Rock - I don´t know what to say other than   . I´m glad House distracted you a bit though, he was my DVD of choice during my last tx.

MR - I´m the same on the tiny things too. Throw a massive work related crisis my way and I´d be fine but have my counsellor get confused over my appt dates, well that is cause to turn my phone off and cry   . I hope your stress eases with time   

Lynn - I hope you are enjoying your belated weekend. The moon was really bright up here but I´m not sure if I have ever stared at it at 3am before to be able to compare   . It didn´t look any bigger though.

Claire&Kt   hope your Monday was bearable

 to everyone else

My donation was really a selfish act just to ease my conscience about the amount of money I am about to pour down the drain again trying to achieve the impossible   . Having said that, those that benefit won´t care a jot about my conscience will they   .

Katxxx


----------



## KarT

Hi all

lindylou - thanks for filling me in on the open day, that's interesting info to discover. I guess I would be paying 2Kmore just to avoid waiting those extra 2-3 months - as you say it's all same staff really. Hope you're keeping distracted while DH away  

kat - with you re Comic Relief. Was breaking my heart over the wee girl whose mum died of AIDs while they were filming. If I could have gone and got her and brought her home to me I would have. Over simplistic I know but how I felt. Also know what you mean re the guilt about the money. It's a crazy upside down world.

mrs rock - what an awful situation for you re your bf. I know we mustn't judge but it does just remind you how upside down everything is. I wish things could just work out more sensibly - send babies to us lovely ladies who are desperate to by mummies!!!

charlotte - what a tough time you're having. big  . hope you're feeling better

claire - so great you can get going again soon

kt - how are you doing?   I have a wise older friend who said to me that in primitive socities they had 3 months to grieve because they knew that's what they needed. She told me to go primitive. Some sense there xx

afm - we had fab w/end away - all things I like to do including castles, big walks, a beautiful beach, a spa and lots of red wine. It was so lovely to have time with DH which was just about he and I. We didn't talk about tx at all. It was great to be away from it all. But as we got nearer home I got a cloud gathering over me again and now just feel I'm back to fighting off crying. Thought of facing normal work and stress and all my pregnant friends etc. It all just feels like too much. Wish I could run away again.


----------



## ANGELA29A

just dropping in we have our follow up next wednesday. i know it will be 6 months at least before next tx, nhs guidelines.
also 2nd attempt at smear test tomorrow, went last week, 10 blinking goes the nurse had , putting the speculum in and out!!! booked me in with doc and nurse tomorrow. beginning to think something isnt right down there. Bourne hall had alot of trouble with et this time, wonder if its linked now :0(((


----------



## doddyclaire

Angela - Sorry to hear bout your troublesome noonie and smear (!!)  hope they get it right tomorrow, and its not too uncomfortable xx

KarT - glad you had a nice weekend away - sounds perfect x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening!

Hi all! 

Kat-   please don't feel your dream is impossible hunny, I'm sure it will happen for you somehow  
Thanks for the   needed that, Monday was bearable thanks.... Just 

KarT- I'm ok thanks   seems to be every other day at the moment, one day is good and the next it's bad! 
I'm glad you had a lovely weekend away. Big   for what you're feeling now Hun.

Angela- sounds terrible hunny!   hope all goes well for you tomorrow, and Follow up appointment gives you the answers you need  

Ktcuddles


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Morning ladies! 

I just caught up on watching 'The Big Bang Theory' from last night, on iplayer, they had a bit on ivf/icsi. Made me cry   I wanted to pop in and give all you ladies the biggest  
So close yet so far from our dream!.  

Ktcuddles


----------



## doddyclaire

Morning

KT - I caught a bit of that too, was fascinating to see it!

Back from nurse's appt, am really gutted, they cant fit in our egg collection before June so now we do have to wait a few months, just got into work to an email from best bud, moaning about how her pregnancy is making her feel s**t and tired and grumpy - FFS, don't need that!

Anyway, suns out, its warm, gotta look for the positives 

xxx


----------



## Nordickat

KarT - I've been away every weekend since my BFN and it is just running away and as soon as we get home its back to the real sad world I feel empty again. This weekend was my first one home and it was rubbish, being in the real world for days on end. On the plus side though, you had a fab weekend away and so it was worth it in my book. In time the real world gets less difficult and you just have to hang in there until it does   . During the tough moments just remind yourself what a lovely time you and DH had while you were IF free for a few days   

Kt - I've been here too long not to be realisitic about my chances.

Angela - I hope todays smear goes smoothly and quickly

Claire -   at noonie! I'm sorry you have to wait for what feels like forever but look for the positives. I see you have  a weighloss ticker and June means a little more time to turn your body into a perfect embie incubator. And the longer you give you body to recover, the better your chance of an easy ride next time. Your poor ovaries have worked like crazy and need a rest before they do you proud again.

MrsRock - thinking of you today

I feel a bit low all of a sudden. I woke up ok and now feel a bit crap ....... maybe I need some cake.
 to one and all, 
Katxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- it must be so disappointing for you hunny,   to have your heart set on going again asap, but June is not so far away! Just look at my ticker!   
Will look out for you an June buds and July blooms cycle buddies then? It feels so much closer when you have others who are waiting with you!  
As far as your friend goes, well... She doesn't know a good thing when it happens to her, we would all love to feel S**t, tired and grumpy because of pregnancy!!!!!!!! She shouldn't complain as she was the one who chose to get preggers!!!!!!! Sorry   had to get that off my chest too   people like that really wind me up!!!!  

Kat- big   go for the cake!!!!!  

Kt


----------



## doddyclaire

Kat -   I think maybe chocolate cake is the answer right now 

KT - I would be proud and very happy to cycle with ya, haven't been to the June/July threads yet... 

xx


----------



## Nordickat

Thanks for the hugs but I think I just over reacted to a work stress and I'm OK again now, no chocolate cake required   Some of my work is a tad controversial and a press release will go out tomorrow. I'm painfully shy when I'm feeling good about myself and much worse when I feel a bit small. The thought of tv and newspapers calling me tomorrow was too much. Buck passed to my more tv hungry DH and all is well again


----------



## doddyclaire

Bugger - I got you the chocolate cake tho Kat, hmmm, well, its gotta be eaten.....

Sounds very intriguing, your work!!

x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

...and I had three chocie biccies for you too!   

A bad person put them in the jar !


----------



## Nordickat

thanks guys, where would I be without you both to watch my waisteline for me


----------



## Mistygal

Hi Girls

Just wanted to check in and say 'hi!'   

As KT says not long until the May/June/July girls cycle now really. I will probably be July. Booked follow-up appt today (have tried to have a bit of time off thinking about TX) so in diary for 15th April - fingers crossed they tell me something useful.

Do many of you have other non FF friends who have been through TX? I am in a book group - there are 8 of us and 3 (including me)have had TX. The other two have babies now so I know it works!!

Love to you all

Mistygal x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi mistygal!  
Hope you get some answers at your follow up appointment hunny, keep us posted  

As far as non ff  friends that have been through tx... I know of 3 friends of friends that it's worked for and 1 of my close friends who had it 16years ago, that it sadly didn't work for    completely different circumstances for her than to ours. 

Kt


----------



## ANGELA29A

great, still couldnt do smear so got to wait til next af and try again if not a trip up the hospital.


----------



## Mistygal

Hi Angela

I have just never heard of that before - how very very annoying. Did they tell you why? Is it the position of your uterus or something?

I know at ET time the position of the uterus affected whether you had to have a full bladder or not to help them access it.

Poor you - its the kind of irritation you could do without xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Angela - so sorry babe, that is not what you needed   Did they say why they're havin probs?
Hope they haven't left you feeling too uncomfortable xx

Hi Misty!!  I only know of one other couple, they had a son a couple of years ago through IUI and are now 9 weeks pg through ICSI, thats my asst Director & wife tho.

xx


----------



## Little Miss Me

Evening ladies - sorry haven't been around much lately - been trying to get it out of my head a bit but it never quite goes away even when you really try to make it.......

Angela - sorry to hear about smear - this whole thing does do things to our bodies and it's just like everything around is just normal and we're expected to be normal too but my body doesn't feel quite right yet and I'm sure so much can get a bit disturbed in the process. Hope this prob sorts itself out for you  xxx

Doddy - it's always such a disappointment to have to keep on waiting longer than expected - this is so often the case with tx, isn't it? Just makes it feel worse having to always be waiting - grrrr!!! You have my sympathy and I hope the months fly by so you can start again. It's hard to really take a break from it mentally but please try to treat yourself a little bit cos you definitely deserve to be spoilt  xxx

MrsRock - I was so pleased when I saw you'd had your BFP and now so gutted for you after hopes being raised so high by a positive result.  Hope your procedure goes as smoothly as possible - thinking of you. Def think you are in big need of a holiday so hope you can go and forget about everything for a little while   xx

Misty - most IVF friends are on here - well there's so many of us! But have met a couple of ladies through a support group and one at my hospital. In my 'real' life I have a friend who has issues and has had to have investigations but clomid eventually worked for her first child but she is now trying for her second. Another 'real life' friend has been trying for 3-4 years and no luck with clomid so she may move on to IVF at some point....... So not much for me which is why FF has been an absolute life saver - otherwise I felt completely alone and like a freak of nature and inadequate human being. Then when I found out other people in my situation didn't have three heads or 11 fingers I started to get my head around it a little bit better! xxx

KT - just you let off some steam about these people - and treat yourself to another choccie biccie while you're at it!! Gets on my nerves how my Dad's girlfriend always goes on about her two daughters - one who has a baby and the other who is pregnant - even though she knows what our problem is. Last night on the phone when I thought she couldn't say anything more ridiculous than what's come out on past occasions she came out with a corker - 'Why don't you try feminax? It's worked wonders for both of my girls.' Errrrrr - I thought that was for period pains  - didn't realise it unblocked tubes - how much does it cost? So why are we all doing IVF...??!!! Grrrrrrrrr!!!!! Ooooooh - it turns out I needed a rant too!   xxx

Nordic - hope cake has done its magic - I am currently on the nachos with cheese, salsa, jalapenos and soured cream diet - mmmmmmm!!!! xxx

KarT - sometimes we just need to get away, don't we?! Weekemd away with castle sounds a bit like our anniversary weekend - we went to Warwick Castle which was actually a really good day out! Hope black clouds didn't manage to settle - just don't want to carry on with all the same stuff sometimes, eh? Would be nice to have another life to go and slip into when headspace is needed..... xxx

Big hello and   to everyone else xx

AFM - well I seem to have already let out a few of my thoughts in the personals. Went to GP yesterday to discuss next steps and had a cry last night after the realisation hitting that life now just seems to consist of either tx or waiting for tx - grrrrrrrr!!!! Just was quite a depressing thought - I want there to be more to life! In a way the BFN gave a temporary relief feeling that it was over and we could relax a little - we knew it was coming so BFN was more a confirmation than a shock. Had done most of my grieving for it before the actual test happened. Have managed to get a free cycle at a private clinic in between my nhs cycles but having to do lots of paperwork to manage this - gotta be done though cos private clinic has 49% success rate and my current nhs clinic has 30% success. Also expecting to have a bit of trouble now with work as my employer collared me during last cycle as he hadn't realised how much time off I would need. So it's all getting to the point where it's stressing me again and I feel like I'm in waiting now for the next one. 

Need to get away from it all - I think a lot of us feel this way - so hopefully booking a holiday this evening - we NEED it!!!!

Big      to all xx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Evening girls, 

think big                  
are needed to lots of you  

Not been around for few days as been to Devon for lovely long weekend with db, it was soo nice and weather was gorgeous, we didnt want to come home  

Hope your all feeling better tonight with the help of chocolate cake and bickies  

I know its hard as were all going through it and its pants and those having to wait until June/July like someone else said it will soon come round, its April next week, i know its eaiser said than done as i just want to get back doing my treatment as feel in limbo waiting for next one, but it will come round soon  

Sorry no personals but lots of   to everyone

Sam xxx


----------



## Bowie1

Hi everyone

Hope you don't me joining this thread, I met Lindylou1 (hi Lynn x) on the FET thread who told me about this one.  Me and dh had our first round of IVF a couple of weeks ago which unfortunatetly ended in a BFN, kept telling myself that it might not work but to stay positive but have to stay i still couldn't believe that it hadn't worked, i guess my hopes may have been a little too high. Everything seemed to go so very straight forward but just wasn't meant to be    Feel like absolutely everywhere i look there is another pregnant person and to be honest never felt quite so useless   One of my very close friends has had two babies since i started trying and now pregnant with her third, love her to pieces but finding it hard to socialise at the moment!  Finding it comforting although sad to know there are other people in the same situtation   

It really helps alot to share feelings on here, it does make me feel more positive reading some of the lovely success stories and i don't feel like giving up now (not how i felt at all a couple of weeks ago!!) Starting to look forward now   instead of just sitting still staring into space   .

Good luck everyone  
Rachel xxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Rachel-   welcome hunny   I'm so sorry that you have found yourself here with us lot   hopefully you'll find lots of support here for you   don't push yourself too hard Hun, give yourself time to grieve,  we're all here for you   it's good that your looking forward! 
Love and   to you and dh.

Ktcuddles


Sam- big   right back at ya hunny!


----------



## kimmy 30

Hi 

Really hoping i can join you all as was from snowdrops cycle and i did get a BFP which i know I'm so lucky to get!  so not sure if i belong here? but the loss forum no ones chatting  

I had a BFP on the 5th Feb but on my 7+1 wk scan they were not sure if they could see a HB i then had to go bk in 3 days again they were not sure so had to go bk in a week.
I never thought for one minute their would be a problem? then went for my 3rd scan i was 8+4 wks they told me the sac had not grown i had a missed miscarriage  
Had a erpc following day that was two weeks ago today!

I booked a holiday   thought it would do me and my DH the world of good found out yesterday i have an infection on loads of antibiotics so had to cancel holiday  

I was self funded as long waiting times for icsi on NHS   don't have any frosties so     that in October( i know so long away) hopefully their will be funding and we will be allowed our 1!!! free go on NHS thats if i have not forfitted it for my private go?

so feel stuck in limbo TBH can't afford another £5000! hoping i will enjoy summer and finally get to go on holiday  

sorry very me post!

you all seem so strong on here i feel quite teary every day  

love Kimmy xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Kimmy- hi sweetie   I'm so sorry for what you're going through Hun, it's such a cruel world    we're a chatty bunch so no worries there Hun!   no holes barred, if all you want to do is rant, cry and me posts then you go for it! how nasty for you to have an infection as well    hope you get the holiday booked hun you deserve it, and a little bit of sunshine does us all good!

Keep chatting!   

Big  

Ktcuddles


----------



## LouH

Hi Ladies - sorry I haven't been around much, been trying to get my head around all that has happened...Megapost coming up to make up for lost time. xx

Welcome to the newbies...*Kimmy30*, so sorry for all you have been through  and *Rachel,* I too have a number of friends who have had 2 in the time we have been trying for #2...its gutting.  PMA, it does show even if they are natural BFPs that there is a little person out there for everyone including you.  

Hi *KT Cuddles*...I have the big bang programme on Sky+, just need to get the guts up to watch it.

*Sam - * Weekend in Devon sounds lush, lots of distration to make the time pass quickly between cycles is a must!

*Little Miss Me -* I hope you manage to sort things out at work, not knowing what you do but can you come to any arrangement with them on flexihours/working from home in advance to help you feel more relaxed?...surely as long as the work gets done that is the main thing, a little bit of sympathy and understanding on their part wouldn't go amiss! Best of luck. 

*doddyclaire - * I know how you feel ref cycle timings, there was quite a few cycle scenarios they couldn't fit due to being busy / bank holidays etc...still won't know till I get my AF if we can do this cycle, if not will be June EC/ET too!

*Mistygal -* I don't have any close friends who have been through TX but where we used to live I knew of a lady who had a boy then a girl then twins with IVF all working first time! That one is good for the PMA!  

*ANGELA29A - * So sorry to hear of all your smear probs, I used to have to go to the Hospital for mine for a couple of years on my early 20's, for different reasons but it was all very relaxed, just more people in the room and they'll likely get your legs up in the air! Good luck, will no doubt be a big relief to get sorted so you can move on. xx

Hello *Nordickat* - hope you are still feeling on the positive side of life...remember you don't have to be down to enjoy a piece of chocolate cake, a little bit of what you love can only be good for you! xx

Hey *KarT* - Big Hug to you , time away is always lovely but it is only natural to feel reminded of all that is going on when you get back home...hopefully you are feeling a bit better after being back a few days?  

*AFM -* Am waiting for AF so I can go on the pill for 21 days prior to DR but still no sign, now CD33...can only assume my body is all messed up from all the hormones in TX? Anyone else any delay on AF in period post 2ww BFN bleed? I got AF 9dpet and now am CD 33, normally bleed on CD28/29. All the AF signs are V.strong...V.annoying...in limbo.

Finish work on the 8/4 but am being paid to be on stand by till end April so fingers crossed I get AF, there is no cyst on scan I will be off work for whole TX, that would be great and make things a lot easier.

Lou xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi LouH- re delayed af... I've had two since finishing tx and both were five days late, I'm same as you, 28/29 days, so think it's just messed up!


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## Mrs Rock

Oh Kimmy I know exactly how you are feeling, I have just had a very similar experience    It totally sucks.  I had ERPC yesterday and today is the first day I have not cried since last Monday when they told me they could not see a hb.  Even my DH cried yesterday which was mostly sparked by me being mean and I feel so bad about that.  Really sorry to hear about the infection and the holiday.  Will your insurance cover the cancellation?  I hope you are not in too much pain and feel better ery soon

I am so grateful for this thread to be able to express things!  In all my cycles I have never seen a specific negative result support thread.  I hve found that the cycle buddies threads start to be dominated by those who've got BFPs so it is really great to have a place to come to and not have to read about that.  Thank you Kt for setting this up.

Rachel I too know people who have had 2 children in less time than we have been trying for our first.  It really hurts.  I've also been avoiding seeing my bf for a few months now as I am sure she'll tell me she is pregnant any day and I just can't face it.  KarT thank you for your words re my bf's termination.  Helps to know people understand!  I don't really see much of my friends any more if I'm honest, as going through tx for 3 years means I just feel I have less and less in common with people it all comes so easily too.

Mistygal I don't really know people in the real world who've had tx.  All my friends seem uncomfortable when I've tried to talk to them about what it's like.  I wish I had some real-life FFs.

Samuel Jackson, Nordikat and KarT am glad you've been able to have nice breaks.  At least since I went through with the ERPC we are getting to go on our little trip to Spain next week which I hope will do us good.  I do have a niggling feeling I might crash a bit when we get back though.  The post-holiday blues can get you even under normal circumstances I find.

Lou yes after both my fresh cycles I had a long cycle.  I think it is because your ovaries take time early in the month to recover from all the work they did during the IVF cycle, so you ovulate a bit later than usual and hence your AF comes later.  

Little Miss Me thank you for your sympathy.  I could not believe that about your Dad's girlfriend. Feminax??  FFS!!    Well done for not giving her a slap, you are a more patient woman than me.  Did you get one of the Lister free cycles?  What a piece of luck!  

Doddyclaire I'm sorry you have to wait longer.  The waiting is really hard


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## doddyclaire

Hi girls

*Kimmy* - so sorry about the circumstances of your joining us, glad your here and I really hope that we can support you during this horrid time . Don't fret, we're all still crying, laughing, ranting and moaning at different times too, there's no rhyme or reason to it either.

Blimey, there's some epic posts gone on here *Lou H * & *Mrs Rock*!! Well done girls!!

I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that we'll have to wait a couple more months than hoped, I know its the right thing for my body ( and I swear if one more person that hasn't been near TX tells me that I will thump them!!) but that doesn't make me feel any better. DP is talking about booking a holiday but its so difficult for him to get time off work, and he works Saturdays too so we couldn't even slip away for a weekend without some sort of trauma about him getting time off - arggghhhh!!
And I just feel so effed off today, I hate my job, I hate my hair, I hate my wobbly belly and I want to scream but of course can't because everyone thinks that I should be over "it" now and back to normal, FFS!!

Well, thats my rant over!!

Big love

x


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## LadyKtcuddles

Mrs Rock- huge   To you and your dh  

Doddyclaire- OMG! I can't believe how similar our lives are! My hubby works Saturdays too, bl**dy inconvenient! It's like a military operation every time we want to go away, or visit anyone. Our new thing is to get a last minute hotel room about an hour away, nice romantic dinner, feels like we've been away and we can go when hubby finishes work  
Sending you huge   for your hating everything day hunny! Hope you feel a little better for your rant sweetie!    

Kt


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## KarT

Oh  lovely ladies  

I came on for a massive feeling sorry for myself rant then read your posts and reminded myself I am not alone in all this complete bloomin misery insanity and that some of you are having a really rough time.

Kim -   So sorry. Going to be a difficult few weeks ahead but come on here and pour it all out.

I've been sitting working in a manic fashion in front of my computer since 8am and decided I needed to get out for some fresh air. Stupid me I timed it just as all the primary schools in town were pouring out  . First met my friend pushing her pram with 12 week old son on way to get her 5 year old from school. Then bumped into this utter biatch I was at school with who made my life hell when I was 14, walking her 2 kids back from school (last time I bumped into her about 18 months ago she actually said, 'So - no kids yet then?'..   why are people so insensitive and stupid!). 2 minutes later passed someone else I've worked with walking her 3 gorgeous little girls home.

I just can't take this much longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We live opposite a primary school which doesn't help - all the mums (who look younger and younger all the time) stand about chatting outside the gates and I just feel like a freak when I have to walk past. On days I'm not doing workshops I work from home so see it all the time. I'd love to move house but tx is using up all our savings. 

So here is a question for you all. No one else will give me an honest answer or understand what the waiting is like so I'd value your opinions.

We have 2 options with tx:

1) Stay with NHS clinic we had 1st tx at - however it is self funded unless we are willing to wait 2 years. If we self fund we would have to wait until September and tx costs 4K. Sucess rates for this clinic are 35%
2)Go private. Could go June/July (we want couple of months off plus I need to get back to earning proper money for a couple of months and this timing would be great workwise). Success rates are 41%. However treatment is about 6K. My wonderful family - parents, aunt & Grandad have all offered us the extra money but I'd feel bad accepting it. It also makes me worry what we'd do if needed round 3.

I don't know what to do but feel like I want to decide so I can get on with planning the coming months. Just like you LMM - all the waiting is driving me mad!(Also with you on that awful freak/inadequate thing - I hate that feeling)

misty - I'm also in a book group and I used to love that it was a group I enjoyed being with that was an escape from all my friends and their baby chat.... then 1 of them announced she is to be a granny for first time and it all she talks about!Also I invited one of my friends to join - who has just announced she is pg. Urg. I haven't told them about tx but I am thinking about it. Partly because it affects the way I view everything - even the way I read a book!And partly because someone let slip to me that one of the other girls has an adopted little daughter and I just wonder what her journey has been.

mrs rock & rachel   I too am avoiding lots of people who I know will tell me soon they are pg. Including ones who I broke my heart over when they were pg the 1st time. Hate knowing they probably avoiding me too. Thank Goodness for ff - at least we all in this together  

Right - work mountain still in front of me. Really not coping with work. Scary workshops to deliver on Sunday and Tuesday for grumpy adults that won't want  to be there. I might just cry if they horrible to me


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## doddyclaire

KarT - hunny, you poor thing, what a day.  Ok so you asked our opinions, so here's mine, if the fam are offering the money, then take it, don;t think about round 3 because there's a good chance you wont need it  The private clinic is a better sucess rate, so why wouldn't it work? If you go into it worrying about how to fund the following one, you're deliberately giving yourself too much stress!!

KT - I love the idea of booking somewhere for a Sat nite, only trouble is, normally by the time he gets home, he just wants to veg out and play on his PC!!!  Might try and gve it a go at some point tho 

Well, I am knackered tonight, got physio for my arm tomorrow am so not looking forward to that!  Think its gonna be a quiet one of the sofa for me tonite!

xx


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## charlotte80

Hello ladies,
I don't feel I need a rant today but just wanted to come on here and give everyone a 
The sun has been shining  

KarT - I know how you feel, I am a primary school teacher (teach 5 and 6 year olds) and I swear half my mums are younger then me!!!! Life sucks sometimes.
I too would agree with doddyclaire and go for the second option. My husband and I are looking into moving clinics due to success rate. I feel if you went for the first option you may regret it. But thats only my opinion.

MrsRock - hope you are feeling ok  

Forgot who asked about having friends who have or having IVF. I've got one work collegaue who has undergone IVF and now has a 5 year old girl. She went aborad through and had donor eggs so slightly different. I haven't spoken to her about having IVF as we're not really friends. That doesn't sound good does it   I just feel she's not someone I want to pour my heart out to. So i've only got you guys, my husband who gets fed up at times with me   and a close friend at work. I don't even talk to my mum about it that much. I feel she asks too many questions i can't answer or wants to know why it didn't work  

Well I'm glad its nearly nearly the weekend. Off to the vitality show with mum and sister and hopefully I can have a weekend of not thinking about IVF. xx


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## Little Miss Me

KarT - had a bit of a moment too today - in the changing room at the gym was a heavily pregnant lady with big bump and boobs putting her bikini on very slowly, checking out herself in the mirror - I finished changing and had a good cry in the toilets. Feel like it's hitting me this week   xx


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

Just a quick hello and sending big   to those who are in need, will try and catch up properly this week sometime x

Hope everyone is feeling lot better tomorrow x

Night night 

Sam xx


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## Madeline Rose

Hi Girls

Just a quick post from me to say that DH and I went for an initial meeting at poss new clinic today and came out feeling a LOT more positive!!  We got answers about reasons why our previous cycles probably didn't work (egg and embie quality issues) and constructive ways of changing things for cycle #3 (different drugs, lots of tests & a hysteroscopy for me).  Let's hope it's 3rd time lucky for us  

Sorry for the self-centred post, hope everyone's doing ok.

MR
X


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## jamaicababytrying

Dear Ladies, 

I have been reading most of the posts and they sound so darn familiar! I am not sure I belong on this thread but everyone's story sounds like what i am going thru at least the feelings... We just completed our second icsi cycle it was so traumatic, but I tried to stay positive throughout. First I had a very very very bad allergic reaction to one of the drugs (cetrotide) and broke out in wails all over my body for days and itched forever NOTHING helped, and of course I couldn't take a lot of the other drugs that would have cleared it up and make me feel better... did egg recovery got 19 but still suffering from allergy... did egg transfer they put in 3 and have 3 frozen... then the topper ended up in the hospital with OHSS... was in for nearly a week didn't eat for 4 days on a drip for the entire stay and had to drink 2 - 3 litres of fluids each day.... I then had a nasty black and blue all over my back because when they were draining my fluids of which they got over 3L they must have knicked a blood vessel... then fluids started collecting in my left leg so that was swollen... eventually got released and had to stay home another week... I then did my blood test and got back a very weak reading, so the doctors thought i just tested too early (on their command of course) so i tested 3 days later and sadly the numbers did not increase... so that was the end of my journey... I don't know how to feel! I was so numb when i heard the news I cried for hours and then started bleed and as gross as this may sound saw something come out which my doctor says could be the gestational sac... of course when I first saw it I thought it was the embryo silly me...

I don't mean to be so winded, but i have no "real friends" that have gone through anything remotely close to this... all my friends and family are quite fertile... and my husband has a child from hie previous marriage so sometimes i think he doesn't truly understand what i am going through... I feel so crushed, like a failure of some sorts.. I know logically that none of this is my fault but i also question why... one positive to all this is that I do have 3 frozen embryos and I did achieve a "pregnancy" so i pray that if our frosties survive the thawing process all will go well... the last cycle i also had 2 frozen embryos but they never survived the thawing process and that was difficult to deal with... 

I am not sure i can go thru another cycle apart from the financial aspect, the emotional and physical toll it takes on you is so stressful... anyway thank you all for "listening" i am happy i found this site... I live in Jamaica and there are no support groups or people don't really talk about infertility so it is very lonely... I will keep you all posted with out FET attempt... thanks ladies...


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## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls! 

Kart- huge   hunny what a mixed bag of emotions you went through yesterday! I hope you have a better day today! 
As far as clinic etc... If it were me, I'd go private, I would want to feel I was doing all I could to get the best results, then there are no regrets hunny. Take the help from your family as I'm sure when you do have a baby, you and baby will repay them all with love and joy and happiness ten fold and that's priceless!  

Doddyclaire- hope your physio has done the trick today!  

Charlotte-   I have a similar relationship with my mum too, and feel I only have a couple of really close friends I can open up to.   hope you have a lovely time at the vitality show, I wish I'd remembered because I wanted to go, oh well, too late now, got other plans! 

Little miss me- huge   hunny, it's not as if we don't know that preggers women are proud of there bumps, but it would be nice if they were a little more tackedful about it!  

Sam- Hi!  

Madeline rose- really glad your feeling positive, all sounds good to me!  

Jamaicababytrying- welcome hunny   you really seem to have been through the mill  
 And I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad, none of this is your fault or anyones fault for that matter, and you're really not a failure! We're all here for you sweetie   however at the moment I'm wishing I was there with you!!!!!  

Hope everyone else is ok today? 

Ktcuddles


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi ladies! How are we all?

Right, I need to see what you girls think of this... I went out for lunch today with my mum and her cycling friends many of whom I've known since I was 3! Now, last week my mum showed them all piccies of her new grandson (obviously my new nephew) as she was so excited understandably! This week when I was having a private conversation with a chap I've known forever, my mum butts in and says to him 'have you seen a picture of my baby' and then she looked at me with what I could only describe as a smug face   As I'm writing this it seems so trivial, but on the other hand, she must know I'm really sensitive, and I thought it was quite an insensitive thing to say/do! I really hate thinking these things and saying these things about my mum, but it's really set me back, I suppose I should count myself lucky that I've had two good days before something has bought me down again   am I being particularly sensitive or silly?? 

Value your opinion girls  

Ktcuddles


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## doddyclaire

KT - hunny, I guess maybe your mum hasn't swallowed her consideration pill today?  Maybe she's still so excited she forgot about how you mite be feelin?  I know that the general impression ive been getting from people is that I should well and truly be over the failed cycle because (as one considerate person pointed out) it wasn't as if I actually got pregnant!!!
Have you spoken to her about how you feel? xx

Jamaicababytrying - welcome along, you poor thing, sounds like you've proper been thru it, its most definitely not your fault that this happened, its a cruel part of the process we have to get thru.  Hope you soon feel a little perkier xx

Well, physio was ok, bloody painful tho, got to have several more sessions starting next week, apparently she can feel chunks of calcium deposit in my shoulder......but that should break down and disperse!!  AF arrived today too in all her splendour!  Gee, i'm one lucky lady today - haha!!!

xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- OMG! Someone actually said that to you   I think I would have lumped 'em one! And I thought my mum was being insensitive! But I'm sure they think that... 'it's ok, you do get another go' and ...'your not having treatment now, so what's the problem?' all that today has showed me is that I don't think my mum knows me too well, and I'm not sure I really want to talk to her about it, I kinda think she should realise!
Sorry to hear your in pain Hun, hope   not to painful either, that's the last thing you need!


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## doddyclaire

At the end of the day babe, I dont think anyone knows how we're feelin, even our other halfs are not really able to fully get it!!

Chin up 

xx


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## Mrs Rock

Kt, I have to say am sadly unsurprised if your Mum was being as insenstive as it sounds It does seem as though she needs to stop and think. I guess she's only thinking about how exciting it is to have the new baby in the family, instead of about your inevitably mixed feelings. My own Mum has no clue at all. I just don't bother trying to talk to her about it any more. In fact I have to say I have felt weird about accepting my family's sympathies about my miscarriage as they have consistently ignored my BFNs and general inability to get PG for the past 3 years and it doesn't feel that different to me now, so why are they suddenly showing that they care? I don't think anyone who hasn't had to deal with a BFN has the first clue how bad it can feel, and that's the truth.

Now it may well be too much, as I only did this myself very recently, but I did actually send this link to my Mum and my sister after my January BFN, and they read it and both of them have stopped making the sort of comments to me that made me want to lamp them, like "I firmly believe that babies come when the time is right". So here it is, it may be useful to some of you ladies xxx

http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/?id=12172


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## charlotte80

Hello all

Madeline - what clinic are you going to try? 

Mrs Rock - how are you feeling? I enjoyed the link, maybe I should sent it to my mum and sister. 

Kt - We all know how you feel but unfortunately the rest of the world does not  

Doddyclaire - hope your pain gets better. 

Hope everyone else is ok


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## lindylou1

Hi ladies,

Sorry not been on for a few days, and boy, did I have a lot to catch up on! 

Kt, you poor thing, I would have found it so difficult not to say something in that situation. My mum isn't the most supportive but that's a whole different story. She really upset me recently too by telling her new partner (who my sister and I don't particularly think is good for her, but it's her life) all about our treatment after DH and I had only met him twice. What really hurt though was that when I asked her why she had told him she lied and said she hadn't when I knew for a fact that she had. Needless to say things have been a bit strained between us since then. It really got to me that she had told a virtual stranger when we haven't even told some of our close friends! RANT RANT RANT!!!! (and breath!!!!)

Jamaicababytrying, You poor girl, you really have been through it haven't you? If I could I would come give you a big   You have come to the right place for lots of hugs and support

LMM, big  . I know exactly what you mean sweetie. Hope you're feeling better today.

Charlotte, hope you enjoy the vitality show.

MR, so pleased your appointment went well hun and that you are feeling more positive. 

Hi to everyone else, sorry not done more personals, still got some catching up to do!

Lynn xx


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## lindylou1

Mrs Rock,

Just read your link and found it good reading. Have saved it for future use.


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## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks for the reassurance girls  

Doddyclaire and Charlotte- too true my hunnys, too true!  

MrsRock- great link, thanks I might just send that! 

Lindylou- I know how you feel about the stranger knowing, my mum also told a friend of hers and whenever I see him now he has to make some kind of comment   makes me feel VERY uncomfortable! I know she has to talk to someone but if she does, then I would prefer it if she could tell him to keep his mouth firmly shut!!!! I think when we start again in June, I'm going to say this to my mum! Like you say especially as there are people closer to us that don't know!


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## KarT

KT - I think you can see we all support you in thinking your mum was being incredibly insensitive so it's not just you honest! mrs rock's article is really well written (thanks mrs r!) - do you think you could send it to your mum?Could you try explaining to her that although you are happy for she and your sister it does hurt you and you just need to be treated gently just now? Huge  

mrs r - great article. Wish I could send it to MiL but don't quite have nerve. Saw her today and she gave me the lecture again about relaxing and maybe it will happen naturally. She also made it abundantly clear that she thinks our marriage is struggling due to the strain we both under. How helpful of her!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Really don't know why I agree to meet her for coffees any more......

jamaica baby trying - welcome along...    You've had such a tough time. Come on here and have a good old rant and cry. It's a real rollercoaster and only we know what it's really like.

lmm - oh God, what a horror for you at the gym. it WILL be you soon though xxx

lindylou - what a nightmare about your mum. I'm going up to Shawfair tomorrow for the mini consulation & tour. Really thinking about just going for it.

Thanks for all the advice re my choices girls. Leaning more towards going private - off to check place out tomorrow and hopefully make a decision this w/end so I can then just forget about it for a couple of months.  xx


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## wicks

Hi girls!

Well...im back from a weeks skiing with the outlaws and now back to reality with a big bang.  Had a lovely time though.  A few ups and downs whilst away, and pleased to be home now 

Sorry for the lack of personals tonight - i have SO much reading to catch up on, and SO busy i think itll take me a few nights to get through it all! haha.  I hope youre all as well as you can be and keeping your chins up  

We had an appt on wednesday to sign paperwork etc for next tx, but AF hadnt arrived and was due last saturday so couldnt pencil in any potential dates.  typically, a few hours after appt, she arrived!!  so it looks like my D/R will be starting on day 21 of this cycle, so will be on 13th april! am having an nhs go this time (finally) so am looking forward to paying £7.50ish per drug-type, rather than about £550 for my prescription!  am crossing everything that we might be a 'third time lucky!!' couple.  we're saving our single snowbaby for the time being.  think thats most of my news.
had another friend contact me about her pregnancy while i was away - another punch in the guts    i still really struggle with it.

I hope all you lovely ladies (old friends and new) are well, and look forward to reading back on all your news!
lots of love and big Xs
wicks xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Madeline Rose

Jamaicabt - so sorry to hear everything you've been through!  There is heaps of support on this thread, so welcome!!

KT, totally understand why your Mum upset you. MiL said to us some time ago that she wasn't as worried about seeing us as DH bro, because we don't have kids.  She said it completely without thinking and apologised afterwards, but I don't think I'll ever forget that comment...

DoddyClaire, hope the shoulder is feeling better  

MrsRock, that link was v. Helpful, but for some reason reading it made me cry  

Charlotte, we are going to try the Lister

KarT, hope your trip tomorrow is successful  

Wicks, we are aiming for 3rd time lucky too!   
MR


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## lindylou1

Wicks, welcome back, glad you had a good time. Brill news that you'll be starting again too and esp being funded this time. Not long to wait now. 

Kt, not sure what I'm most mad about, the fact she told a stranger or the fact she lied to me. Seems this guy is all that matters to her these days. You can't even speak to her on the phone without the two of them giggling away like a couple of school kids as if your not even on the other end of the line. They only got together in October and he's already moved in. Just feels like a kick in the teeth for my Dad who only passed away eighteen months ago. It makes me sad that we aren't so close anymore, esp when I most need her. 

KarT, Hope your mini tour goes well. You will have a better idea of what to do once you have been there for a look. If your family are offering the cash and it fits in better for you time wise you should go for it. 

Lynn xx


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## BathBelle

Hi Girls,

It was my OTD today and I got a BFN    It was no surprise though as I've been testing since Tuesday.

I hope that you are all well and that the pain of your last tx is fading.  I just wish that we could have all re-met under different circumstances and on the pg threads  

On the Mum's front mine can come up with some crackers.  My Mum and Dad struggled trying to conceive my brother but fell naturally in the end so she seems to think it will happen like that for me too.  If only, but we're going to have fun trying over the next couple of months  

Love to all,

Belle x


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hi bathbelle-   so sorry hunny   I was keeping everything crossed for you   glad you've found us, hopefully we can help and support you through this very sad time  
Like you say... Have fun and treat yourselves to some tx free relaxation  

Ktcuddles


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## Singers

Hi Snowdrops,

Sorry I've been absent for a while. I have so much news to catch up on!!!  I;m so glad for this thread and it's so nice to see everyone supporting each other. After my BFN I really needed to take a break and clear my head, though all I've been thinking and reading about is how can I improve my chances for the next round and what tests can I have done to explain our 'unexplained'!!

After the chemical pregnancy, AF arrived. We had follow-up with our consultant last week and he didn't want to do any further tests. He told me that a chemical pregnancy was NOT a miscarriage ( hard to believe this as everything I have read says it's a very early miscarriage)   and said no one knows why they happen. He just advised me to have the next round in May/June and to stay on the long protocol and up my Gonal-F dose. As this is my second chemical pregnancy, plus I've had 1 MC I requested to have a recurrent miscarriage screen, which he finally agreed to do. 

As some of you know I am having treatment in Singapore and I am now having serious doubts about the clinic and whether or not I should have my next treatment back home in London. I've booked an appointment with CRGH in May and will make a final decision once I have spoken to the doctor there. My main concern is taking time off work, plus additional cost of travel etc.  Doctors and clinics here are just not as transparent as those in the UK and that makes me feel uneasy. Of course women here do get good treatment and many do fall pregnant, so know I need to make a decision based on good and clear facts.

My latest concern is that I have started spotting and I am only on D15 my cycle. I did have a short cycle after my last chemical pregnancy and wonder if it has anything to do with that. I guess all these hormones that I have been given must be playing havoc with my body!

KTcuddles - thanks for starting this thread. Sorry to hear about your Mum's comments and no I don't think you are being overly sensitive. We expect our nearest and dearest to know us best, but sadly that isn't the case sometimes and it's funny how strangers so many miles away have so much more in common with us and understand us better!

I will try and do more personal over the weekend, but it's almost midnight here so i had better get to bed (working tomorrow!). Wishing you all a good weekend ahead.     

Singers


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## jamaicababytrying

Thank you ladies for your support... each day is different, nights are challenging but I must over come if we are going ahead with FET in May...  

Kt so sorry to hear your mom's comments... i understand about her telling people, mine does it too! but i think that is her way of dealing, I don't like it but i try not to make it bother me... what i do know is that i will not be telling anyone when i do FET i just can't take the questions after and the "advise" and the "The Lord knows best" or "keep trying it will work blah blah", like this thing is free...

BathBelle so sorry to hear of your BFN... no words can make you feel better, only time...

This thread has been a saving grace, I do appreciate all the comments and sympathize with all you ladies going through this awful issue.

I must try to get my body ready again for FET in another 6 or so weeks. I am really of 2 minds with this because again no guarantees that the embies will thaw, it's happened before and i am very weary of this... 

Anyway i am not going to belly ache today, want to have a good weekend, i wish all of you a good weekend. Will probably go out tonight and have a drinkie or 2


----------



## doddyclaire

Belle hunny, welcome along, we all wish the circumstances were different.... xx

Singers - lovely to hear from you again, glad that you pushed for the screening, as to changing clinics, its really up to you, me personally I think it would be too stressful, especially with your added travelling.

Well, its Friday, i've finished work so the big dilemma is......do I go to the gym (too knackered!!) or do I crack open a beer (YAAYYYY!!!)??  I think we all know the answer there!!!

Hope you all have a good weekend

xx


----------



## nessiebro

hi girls,
i hope you dont mind me jumping on board your sad but extremely comforting thread. I have read all your posts and im glad i have met you all.
we have just had our 2nd round of icsi with pgd and got a bfn on tue  
our 1st tx in aug last year got cancelled after the ec due to me getting ohss then we got a FET in dec last year and only 2 of our embies survived the thaw but they were not strong enough to get a clear biopsy for our pgd so that was that over as well.

we started our 2nd fresh cycle in feb this year and everything went really well, very slight mild ohss again after ec but was more or less cleared up in time for et. we managed to get 2 embies biopised this time and 1 came back abnormal and one came back normal so we got our 1 wee precious normal embie  transfered on 11th march but i bled the night before OTD so kinda knew in my heart that it hadnt worked then the blood test the following day confirmed that it hadnt  

so that was 3 days ago and i am still feeling like ive just been hit by a bus and its horrid, i feel like i have no control over when 
and where i cry!!! 

i have been helping out in the local nursery for the last few weeks, covering sick leave and you will never guess what the topic has been .........frog spawn, tadpoles, fertilizing eggs, turning into frogs etc etc... !!!! FFS just what i need.
one of the mums actually brought in a jar of frog spawn on mon and they were nothing then but then she brings them in today and they have grown heaps since mon and they were starting to move etc and have started growing, it was so horrid, as the number of days etc is exactly the same as the days in my cycle,ec on the mon and et on the fri!!!!!! how the heck i didnt crumble and break down i will never know.

my heart just feels so heavy all the time and i want this terrible feeling to go away so i can try and be happy again at least for a wee bit but i dont know how to do it, i cry all day everyday and i dont want to speak to anyone, i feel so bad for isolating everyone but as you girls were saying in previous posts, no one understands what this is like unless you have been through it.

as for the "MUM" comments, im with you on that one, my mum goes the other day " i totally understand what you are going through pet" im like "Mum, you have no idea what so ever, you have 4 children which you conceived naturally so how can you possibly understand" and she goes "well yes i see what you are saying and no ive not had to have any tx, and im not going to argue with you but i do understand "!!!! bloody hell....do ppl not listen 

i so despeartely want to start tx again as we have one more shot on the nhs left but god knows when it will be, probably not until next year i reckon as their waiting lists are sooooo long but we have decided that we are gonna use our nhs shots 1st then go private coz we dont wanna go private just now coz im impatient and then we loose our last nhs go but its just the waiting isnt it.when you are actually havin the tx you at least feel like you are doing something, moving forward at least but waiting for the phone call, you are just in limbo and your life goes on hold and i dont want that but my life revolves around tx. that is so unhealthy isnt it?

i know there are a lot of girls on here a lot worse off than me and im so sorry for the pathetic sad post all about me and i do hope that one day i will be heaps more positive about everything but i think right now i am just still a wee bit raw and was so convinced that it was going to work for us ( i think most of us have had that very same thought on one of our tx's havnet we)

im hoping that we will be "3rd time lucky" as well just like one of you lovely ladies said.
Thank you sooooooo much for taking the time to read my HUGE post, i feel lighter already for getting that off my chest ! 
i hope you are all ok and im sending these hugs to every single one of you strong ladies on here 
          
michelle x


----------



## jamaicababytrying

So sorry Michelle... It will get better but it takes time... just know that there is hope, you have another shot. I know nothing anyone says will make it easier and as many have said only those who have been through it can understand. Don't be too hard on yourself, love and cherish your husband and find comfort in the fact that you have another chance ( I know i should practice what I preach) but it seems easier to say it than to do it  

I pray you have a successful third chance... It's good to get it all out believe me... the crying will also get better...
Have a great weekend


----------



## jack12

hi girls.....thought id come see you on here. Am not doing too badly, ex still being a T*** and ive found out he with someone, hence the reason for him wanting to destroy the last thread of hope i had in that embie. He still wants it to go. However, my parents have agreed to help fund icsi with donor sperm some time next year so am clinging onto that. Hope you are all ok and you are never all far from my thoughts xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Jack - that is wonderful news that your fam will help with the funding, I am so chuffed for you   You ex still remains an **** then....well its true that you're going to be so much better off without him hun, and you are never far from my thoughts either  xx

Michelle - welcome hun, am glad you found us and got that lot off your chest!!  It will take time to feel "normal" and there will be so many things that will remind you daily that you are not pg, ours is not an easy cross to bear.  Like you, I wanted to get straight back on the horse that bucked me after our BFN, but the clinic cant fit us in yet, and with a few days distance I can see it as a good thing to have a break, both physically and mentally, I hope that you soon feel the same.  Your body, mind and heart go thru so much during tx it really does need the chance to rest and recover.  

Lots of love and Clairebear (thats what by best bud calls me!!) hugs to you all

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Hi ladies,

Belle and Michelle, welcome but sorry you have had to come on here in the first place. I am sure we will all make it onto the pg threads in time, it's just taking us a little longer than others but we will all get there eventually. 

Singers, nice to see you back here. That's really good that your dr has agreed to do the screening. Just goes to show what you can get if you push a little. Re the spotting, I'm sure it will all be down to the hormones. I was the opposite and was a week late. You just want things to go back to normal, don't you, and it's so annoying not knowing when the wicked witch is going to put in an appearance.

Jack, sorry to hear your ex is still causing you grief. Great news that your folks are able to help you out though. 

Claire, hope you're enjoying that beer, the gym will still be there tomorrow!

Thank crunchie it's Friday! 

big   for everyone else. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Lynn xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hi girls
I've felt a bit better today - only a bit mind!  Looking forward to my holiday, going to Spain just Mon-Fri next week but we need this little break so so much   


Michelle, my heart goes out to you.  Your post sounds just exactly like how i felt after my first and 2nd BFNs.  I cried in the street and all kinds, had no control over it.  I don't think the come-down from the stims and prog helps matters either.  And if you're prone to over responding (like me) that will make your emotions even worse.  I was very tearful for about 10 days and after that started gradually to feel much better.  Hang in there.

I found my 3rd BFN was a lot easier to pick myself up from.  Although it is a horrible thought, you do get used to it.  You get tougher.  We'll all be like old boots by the end of this!  I hope fervently none of you will have to get used to it and that next tx will be the one for all of us.  

Thank you for the Clairebear hug, I needed that!  Think we all need one!


----------



## Nordickat

to those in need.

Sorry for my absence. I´ve been reading but decided to think less about my own tx and throw myself into work for a bit.

I think the problem with Mums is they desperately want to be able to help but just can´t ........... that and sometimes their mouths don´t connect to their brains   . Mine is rubbish but really doesn´t mean to be and would be heart broken if she new quite how bad she is sometimes.

I hope, despite the ups and downs, that you all had nice weekends and that the sun shone on all of you. Spring is here so time for new beginnings and all that.

 Katxx


----------



## nessiebro

Thanks for all your kind posts, its much appreciated.I am getting better as each day goes on, i know it all takes time and i can see that its not making things any better by dwelling on the past so i am picking myself up and getting on with it.
I went for a huge cycle today with one of my mates and we got a puncture in the middle of no where with no mobile signal so we were stuck......we did suss it out in the end but we laughed soooooo much during it.  it was just what the doctor ordered !!!!
thanks for all your support girls 
michelle xx


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi All

hope you all had a good weekend and have a great week!
  

MR


----------



## doddyclaire

Happy Monday Everyone!!

Who am I kidding?  Happy Monday? No Monday is happy.

Anyway, just popped on to blow you all some bubbles, hope everyone is going to have a better week, slightly more positive and upbeat??

Ok, so here's my DP's favourite joke at the mo:

Why did the baker have dirty hands?..
..
..
.
.

.
.
..

Coz he needed a poo!!

Geddit?  Needed? Kneaded??  LOL!!

x


----------



## LouH

Happy Monday all!!! The sun is shining again....long may it last...

Welcome to the new Ladies *nessiebro* & *jamaicababytrying*, sorry for what you have been through, I hope you find some support within the group.

While we're on jokes LOL Doddyclaire!!! My nephews fav joke right now (and please bear in mind the humour level of a 6 year old) is;

What is invisible and smells of bananas
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Monkey Burps!

Still no AF, spoke to nurse of Friday and she said quite normal, give it another week or two! You think they might have mentioned it could be 3 weeks late at my follow up app, to be honest that is nearly a missed cycle completely. Really bugging me as can't plan for next round till she turns up! Ahhhh!

Lou xx


----------



## blueBell2010

Hi Ladies,  Do you mind if I join this thread?  I'm so sorry your all here on this thread it all seems so unfair  

I'm on my first IVF and am due to test this Friday but I've been bleeding heavily since yesterday morning so feel I can predict the BFN on test day.  I'm not sure exactly how I feel, numb I suppose this was not in my plan.  I can't stop crying and struggled to even get out of bed this morning even though I'd been lying awake since 5:30am and work is a total no go today.

Sending all you lot's of   

Sarah xx


----------



## LouH

Hi Sarah - Welcome to the board, of course you are so welcome...we all know how you feel,    

I also came on with a heavy bleed at 9DPET on my first cycle recently, was very unexpected...always assumed would at least get to OTD. Stay snugged up and looked after, seems like it never will but somehow it does get easier as you move forward to focus on your next cycle.

Big Hug to you.


----------



## Opa

Hello Ladies,

Just thought I'd introduce myself, I am a Feb/March snowdrop, joining you guys. AF came right on my bday on my FET cycle, and left me feeling down and also distrustful of my current clinic in Marseilles. I have a F/A with my doc tomorrow, and let's see what he has to say, he better inspire some confidence in me and suggest a way forward...

*doddyclaire, LouH*, thanks for the nice jokes , and for keeping the morale up.  

Monday is a rubbish day and also with the clock robbing me of an hour of sleep . Hmhmhmmhm, have to end on a positive note, ah, yes, I am hoping to go to the doc's tomorrow and to come back with a fab plan for the next go at IVF! I wonder whether the doc suggests any modifications to the protocol, etc.

Love to all,

Opa


----------



## BathBelle

Hi all,

Opa, Good luck for your appointment tomorrow.

Sarah,   It may not be over yet though.  Some women do go on to get a BFP after a bleed.  I   you're one of them. 

Lou,   I've not heard that one.  I hope your AF arrives soon.

Claire,   Thanks for the bubbles  

AFM - It was my first day back at work today after the 2WW.  I only managed 5 hours though as I have awful AF pains.  They're so bad I was throwing up all of yesterday    Had a meeting with my big boss today and he asked after how the tx had gone, I managed to hold it together just about.  I think that this is the worst bit - telling people that it's failed again    Don't think I'll tell anyone next time, but I'm no good at hiding my feelings, plus all the time away from work people tend to guess.

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## charlotte80

Hello girls,
Hope you all had a good weekend.
I'm tired after my trip to London but I feel it did some good to get away. 
Feeling a little annoyed at present, with DH they found no infection which is good   but he is still signed off for another 2 months, Was hoping he would be going back to work and helping to build up the ICSI fund plus I could do with somebody else having to get up and go to work everyday. If only he'd do more around the house  Ok i'm sounding selfish now, I know he has been unwell had gone through loads of treatment but I just want some normality. Whatever that is! 
Well that's my little rant over, i'm off to bed. Will try and catch up more with all these posts i've missed over the weekend


----------



## LouH

Morning Ladies,

AF has finally arrived CD 39, funny how when it is to start a cycle we get exciting about it arriving but every other time is very sad, suppose just about being able to take the next steps!!! So in for Scan today, fingers crossed no cysts are present and I can go on the pill for 21 days prior to DR.   

*Charlotte - * That is fantastic news about your DH, you must feel such relief. Your not being selfish hon, it's only natural to feel these things. I know your DH is having a really tough time but you are also going through your own thing here as well as dealing with your feelings about his. You never know the break from TX might do you some good to both get your heads around all that has happended over the last months. Be strong and then go for it! xxx

*Belle - * telling people just makes it real doesn't it, but also part of the healing process, sounds like you have an understanding boss. I too wear my feelings on my sleeve and am no good at hiding things! Hope AF eases off. xxx  

*Welcome OPA * - Good luck with your Follow up, hope it gives you some more confidence in your clinic.   

Will let you know later how the scan has gone.

LouH xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hellooooo ladies! 

How we all doin'?

Bluebell- welcome hunny   I'm so sorry that you have found yourself here, but hopefully we can help to ease some of the pain   

Opa-  welcome sweetie  I hope your dr has reassured you, and you get the answers you were hoping for  

Bathbelle-   af pains, you poor thing Hun   and big  

Charlotte- .....and breath....     hope your not feeling so annoyed today hunny  

LouH- hope your scan went ok?  

Afm- plodding on!  

Ktcuddles


----------



## kimmy 30

Sorry not posted since last post getting myself in a better place    

Thanks Kt cuddles   was a bit low when posted the other day feeling a bit better now

Mrs rock- so sorry you have to go through a mmc too!  its just so gutting!
              I know it broke my heart when saw my DH   never seen him cry
              Filling out forms now so hopefully will get my money back! hope you have a really  
              nice  break in Spain can't wait till i can go away         

PS... love your link so so true!!! i have not told anyone apart from my mum and sister about my TX and for all them reasons! I think people that have not been through it say all the wrong things and would say something to upset me as i know i will be sensitive about it all!
before the mmc a nurse rung me to make antenatal appointment with me when i told her i had MC she said oh well never mind I'm sure i will be speaking to you again in next couple of months she doesn't know about TX! but at the same time i was like     
in my head thinking i didn't sneeze and get pg    


thank you for you kind words - Lou, doddy Claire, Kart  

Kart- we went private for our TX but when we get our free go in Oct we will see the exact same fs as he works half of the week privately then half the week for the NHS  

Bathbelle&Nessiebro -so sorry to hear of your BFN's i know no words will help  


Is anyone doing anything nice at weekend i have to work and on sunday my poor mum!
will have to make it up to her she never says anything wrong i know I'm so lucky to have her 

love Kimmy xxx


----------



## winterberg

Hi girls, 
hope you're all okay - it seems like years have passed since I was on here but it's only three weeks! Yikes, time flies and so much changes - I haven't had time to read all the way back through (as taking a quick look at work) but just saw that BathBelle was on here and a couple of others I remember following in Feb. Really sorry to hear the sad news, and I hope that you're all looking after yourselves.

I'm massively encouraged by the number of BFPs in the snowdrop hall of fame though - it really shows that the odds are good girls! And our turn will come, I'm sure. 

AFM, feeling a lot better generally. Have had my follow up and also another consultation with a different clinic as I was a bit underwhelmed by my doc. I have been told I have polycystic ovaries (undiagnosed pre IVF!) and have been sent off to do an insulin test to check whether this could be the reason my embies didn't make it past day three. So, we'll see what they say.. other than insulin issues, it seems it may well have been a lab mistake. We may never know..

I'm going to give it another go in early May regardless and I hope to see some of you back on the wagon with me   xx until then, take care, think positive and spreading baby dust!
wb xxx


----------



## LouH

Evening All - scan went well, cyst all but gone so have started the Pill for 21 days and have another scan booked on 19th April, so fingers crossed start DR that day! Must go visit the April/May thread and see what is going on and looks like that might be cycle 2 for us.

*Winterburg* - good luck for your nxt cycle, good to be making progress.

Hi* Kimmy30 *- so sorry for the tough time you have had, you did well to keep your cool with that nurse. We are having family get together on Sunday with my Mum, Bro etc. All making a bit of food so hoping the weather improves again. Mainly to celebrate my Dad's retirement on Friday! How jealous am I, I know I have a little break as finish this job next Thursday but still over 30 odd years yet to go!!! He deserves it though, has worked so hard his whole life and now gets to enjoy himself, I swear he won't eat properly though as he'll be out of his routine, I am going to make him a couple of banana loafs just so his has something to grab!

Anyway, so easy to harp on!

Spk soon. xx


----------



## KarT

Hi all

Been working away for a few days (was dreading it but turned out to be just what I needed) so just been catching up with you all.

Belle - so sorry your bfn was confirmed. How are you doing now? In general I've found the pain eases a little bit every day (with a blip here and there where the tears come back). I hope you're finding that  

Singers - I've been thinking of you as we were EC buddies originally I remember!  I think it's good to stop and think about where and what to do next. If your gut is telling you you're not 100% happy with your clinic you have to think about why and if the reasons why are big enough to go ahead and make the change.

lou - that's great it's happening fast for you... good luck with the april daffodils! (not sure if they're called that but maybe you can suggest it!)

winterberg - awful that your last clinic missed that diagnosis but sounds like you in good hands now

charlotte - absolutely know how you feel being pee-ed off with DH and feeling guilty about it. He was the messiest, muckiest boy on the planet before MS but it's funny how his symptoms play up more when there's talk of housework and DIY....You come on and have a good rant with us. It's not fair having something else to deal with when this is tough enough. I was hoping we could consider ttc naturally this week (got ovulation symptoms) but he's not feeling good and I know it's selfish but I can't help be disappointed. So understand how you feel I think  

sarah - everything crossed but you know we'll be getting stuck into a vat of wine next week if not  

afm - had a good few days but the blues are back tonight. The stupid 'I would have been nearly 7 weeks prg ' thought crept in just as I finished work and have felt like crying since 
We've decided to go for it with the private clinic so are booked in for 1st consultation next week. Should be able to go from June period which suits me best workwise as I work in schools.

A funding question. In my area you can have 2 funded NHS cycles. I self funded the last one at a NHS hospital and that was deducted from my NHS cycle entitlement so I still have 1 left and am on the very long (2-3 years) waiting list. I have found out that even if I go private at a different clinic with the next cycle it will be deducted from my NHS entitlement and I will have no more entitlement to NHS. 
Going private is going to clean us out - we'll be on beans on toast for months. It seems massively unfair to me that my NHS cycle should be taken away because I have gone and taken pressure off the NHS by funding a cycle at another clinic myself.
Anyone else experienced this?
Actually thinking of going to my MP though I suppose in the current climate I might not get much sympathy.

Big   to all xx


----------



## J9L

Kart- just to but in on your comments on funding (hope you don't mind) we wrote to our MP about funding, who took it up with the PCT and eventually we were given the funding on NHS. It's not right that they should take that off you, like you say it's not exactly cheap!! 

Good luck huney. xx


----------



## doddyclaire

KarT - go for it - pester that MP, they ain't much use for much else!!!  Its wrong that it should be deducted from your entitlement.
I know what you mean about those crazy thoughts that pop in your head - mine go along the lines of the pg tests having been defective and that actually I am pg but still getting bleeds and it won't get picked up until scans in May - mental, I am doing myself absolutely no favours by giving houseroom to those thoughts at all.

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Kart, we were told that too and it is very unfair. We haven't written to MP but might do so now that you have mentioned it. Good luck for your consultation.

Hi to everyone else, sorry not been clocking in, just been really hectic. That's DH away on his trek so will have plenty time on my hands the next three weeks! House feels really quiet already and he only left this morning. I'm sure I will enjoy some peace and quiet though.


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hi ladies

Sorry i haven't posted in awhile... well each day is a challenge but i am holding out all hopes that the FET will be when our miracle will come to light... You guys should write your MP I wish that was an option for me, we don't get any kind of assistance so all the cycles we do is out of pocket... One reason i was given from the insurance company for not covering fertility treatments is that pregnancy is a choice! Even the maternity package you get is crap and the government doesn't encourage it either!

Anyway today wasn't such a hot day, you know what i am still having mini breakouts of the bumps and my doc thinks it's because the drug is probably still in my system! Go figure right... but i only itch/breakout in the morning and when i happen to have milk or possibly dairy... so i decided to go back to the dermatology ward that saw me when it all started alas no breakout so it made no sense cause i had nutten to show dem!Frustrated... and I have to sort this out before i start the FET because i don't want anything to get in the way of the success....

Sorry for being so sad, I am just so frustrated...

I hope you all have a great weekend. I am getting a massage tomorrow so i know i will!


----------



## lindylou1

Jamaica,

Here's a big   for you honey.

Hope you manage to get to the cause of the bumps and get it sorted out, it must be driving you mad. Could it be a dairy intolerance? Maybe worth having allergy testing done? 

Hope you have a better day tomorrow hun. Enjoy your massage  

Lynn xx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Thanks Lynn... yes I am thinking of doing some kind of sensitivity test... not sure about the dairy now cause i had milk yesterday morning and alas nothing! Yes very frustrating.. Anyway went out yesterday evening and had a drinkie first time in months!

Hope to have a good weekend

Take care...


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hiya ladies

Back from my little holiday....started to feel much better whilst away  A change of scene does help change the thoughts. And DH seems happier which is so important to me. But coming back home I have felt a bit down again grrrrr. Wish I didn't!

Seen people recommending this book and the course so I got the book, just started it. It is in the grand tradition of American self-help books which I find a bit toe-curling but I am persevering: "Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility". Found out that there is a course in London in May but it is £440
http://www.bridgemind-body.co.uk/
I kind of want to do the course but at the same time can't really justify the cost. We are very nearly at the end of our savings and saving hard for the next tx. Can I really spend £440 on a self-help course?? But I do feel I am not coping as well I could be lately so maybe I should do something about it. Anyone any thoughts?


----------



## lindylou1

Jamaica, 

Hope you enjoyed your massage and you drinkies last night. 

Mrs Rock, 

Glad you enjoyed your little holiday. A change of scene definately helps, it's easier not to think about tx and IF when your away from home, it's almost like stepping out of real life for a little while. I hadn't heard of that book or course. It is pretty expensive for the course, is it just a one day thing? I think if I were you I'd see how you get on with the book first before raiding the savings and booking the course. 

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all having a good weekend.

Lynn xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hi Lynn

Nope it is 2.5 hours one evening a week, for 10 weeks.  So I guess that makes it what, 15 hours?

Update: DOH!  My DH has just pointed out that 2.5 hours x 10 is 25 hours!


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Lyn

Drinkies were great caught up with friends (all male) so that was a relief, but then they started to talk about their kids and the education system and felt very left out! Hubby came with me and then he got into the convo cause he has a son and felt even worse   so it was time to go  

Massage is this evening it's only 12:36p.m. here you guys are many hours ahead of us  

Will tell u all about it later  

Jamaicababy


----------



## lindylou1

Jamaica, 

totally forgot about the time difference, duh!  

Mrs R,

OK, still quite expensive but probably good value for money if it helps you.


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hmmm still pondering about the course....

Jamaica those convos are hard aren't they.  Am due to have lunch tomorrow with a group of ladies I know and one has just had her first granddaughter born on Friday and another has had her first nephew born last month and they are both very excited so am guessing the topic will be babies babies babies!  Think I'm not going to go.


----------



## ANGELA29A

oh dear, didnt expect to be so emotional today have a beautiful daughter aged 10, but yearning so much for our icsi oixcies that we recently lost on failed cycle number 2, been a hard day.:0(((


----------



## doddyclaire

Angela- huge hugs hunny, it was always gonna be a tricky day, I had a wobble too earlier 

Mrs Rock - the course sounds a lot to me hun, I know I don't have that kind of money spare, I would be worried that its all stuff you already know, after all, by the time we get here, Google has usually been Googled out!!  We could probably write our own books and hold our own courses!!  Now there's a thought..........  

Hello to Lynn, Jamaica, KarT, J9L, Winterburg, KT, Kat, LouH, Kimmy, Charlotte, Opa, Belle and anyone else ive missed there, hope you are all ok, and made it thru today unscathed  

Well, I am finally very pleased to announce that my mojo has definitely fully returned, phew, for a while there I thought i'd lost it completely     them bluddy drugs don't half mess with your system eh!! 

Am aiming to get back on track with diet tomorrow too, so just made my salad pack up for lunch, and have fat free yoghurts too, am so proud of the way you lot have stayed on the wagon, while I have lolopped along behind you dragging the wine bottle constantly!!!  So, Monday already tomorrow, where the heck does the weekend go

Nite to all of you lovely ladies

xxx


----------



## hennups

Hi ladies

Sorry, I've completely abandoned this place the last few weeks. I can honestly say I've basically rejected all things baby-related. I have stopped taking my vitamins, donated my space needles/syringes to my friend who's off to Tanzania to do nursing, started drinking wine quite regularly and stopped seeing nearly all my friends. I'm a recluse it seems, who's only happy at work (I'm a very busy primary teacher) or when with my husband or immediate family. Had my mum down from Newcastle this weekend which was nice but otherwise I do nothing. 

We have had confirmation of our follow-up appt - 11th April. Trying to get DH to call his brother in Oz to see if they'll give as much money as they always promised us towards our cycles. He earns more than I do in a year every month so it's a drop in the ocean! I am also hoping that my step-mum may step up - I know for a fact that my darling dad would be digging deep without me even having to ask but she hasn't said anything about giving us any money. I guess it's not like she *has* to. 

Sorry..... as you can see, the world is a horrid place right now! My little brother has just found a lump on his thyroid so at the age of 23 will become a cancer survivor - they've told him it's 100% 'curable' but still! After all we've gone through this year this is the last thing we need. (Dad dying and IVF wasn't enough apparently!)

So, sorry I've abandoned you all - I really hope to see many of you on the May/June cycle threads and wish you all well! 
xxx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hennups     I know what you mean about not doing any thing, I go nowhere either, went out Friday evening for the first time since we started treatment in early February... i hope you get the money to continue your dreams

Mrs Rock - that course does sound expensive, then again anything converted into my currency would   
Read the book and see if you like the style of writing cause that will be a big indication of what the course will be like...
Yes vacations, no matter how short is always a good release! Those convos are the worst and i wish them on no one really cause you think if u say what you feel (should u have your own) and people don't agree they might say something stupid like if you had your own u would know, or you may feel overly emotional because u r wondering if you will ever get to that place... I know how u feel about just not going many times i do that!

Well my massage wasn;t as good as I thought it would have been, part of it is i didnt relax enough, kept having all sorts of thoughts... and i am still knotty but that will take time to be worked out.

Can't believe tomorrow is Monday already


----------



## doddyclaire

Hennups -   bless ya, its no sin to wrap up the tx stuff and put it out of your mind for a while, in fact its prob a really good thing, I just haven't been as brave as you at letting go!
And now for your poor bruv to be needing treatment too, how awful for you all, as you say, its been enough this year already.  But at least it IS 100% curable, that is some small mercy.
I really hope that those family members come up with the dosh for you, without too much asking.
xxx

Jamaica - sorry to see that your massage wasn't as relaxing as you'd hoped.  Maybe you should try a wee little drinky before hand??!  God, I sound like an alkie!!  LOL!

xx


----------



## KarT

Hi all

Yep, this w/end was a bit of a nightmare was it not?!! Decided to head into town and indulge in some retail therapy and everywhere I looked there were youngish blokes carrying their babies/pushing buggies/holding their kids hands as they shopped for Mother's Day gifts. Just felt my heart breaking. The Sunday was my nephew's 1st birthday party - should have been my own lost little beans birthday too. Just when you think things are getting easier it all creeps up on you again.....

Hennups - big old  . What a nightmare. Everything crossed your bro is well soon. DH's parents haven't offered us a penny - despite fact they have plenty of money and that they know we are going private and that my fam have all helped. So I totally get that getting to you. It's really got under my skin. Can hardly look at MiL sometimes - she's just not on board. Sometimes feel when I finally have my baby she can forget being round here all the time - if you're not here for the hard bits... well, makes you realise who your real friends & loved ones are.

Claire - aww so pleased you feeling back on form!  

jamaica - oh lord, I know those conversations.. where you feel like the only person on the planet without kids! Torture. At least we know we've got each other on here.

mrs rock - have you decided about the course? I'd be a little cautious I think as it's so much money. Could you ask them if you could speak to a couple of people who have been on the course? Agree with whoever it was that said read the book and see if you really like it first. Is there a chance that it's going to be a lot of common sense stuff that you are already doing (the very fact we are all on here means we are being pro-active about how to cope)? Sorry if I sound cynical. It may be very good and if you feel you really need it ....

J9L - thank you so much for posting re funding. I am defo going to pursue this - tho unfortuantely business is suspended in the Scottish Parliament just now prior to our general election on 5th May so am going to have to wait and see who my new MSP will be... Annoying!

Got first consultation with private clinic tomorrow. I think I have gone and screwed up dates by booking a hol in Mallorca for 1st week of June  - and I think af might come then when I'd need baseline scan . Doh. Booked it when I was in cloud of grief and seemed like good idea. I wonder if there's any way round this... how much do they need to do baseline scan if you've had  tx before? Guess will find out tomorrow....

My newly pg friend is coming round for coffee this afternoon. Hope I can keep it together..... Am so bored of this. 

Big    to you all xxx


----------



## J9L

Hi all

Hope your all doing ok. Sorry I haven't posted on here in a while. I've still been reading all your posts but been a bit down lately and didn't want to bring anyone down.

It's so hard all this fertility stuff- I feel like my head is going to burst sometimes. Having a really tough time since first BFN in Feb- I know I should pull myself together, but it's easier said than done!!

Kart- I know exactly what you mean, I went to metrocentre at the weekend and I seen 5 preg people in the space of about 10mins!

Yesterday I had the family over my house for a sunday roast (seen as it was mothers day thought I'd cook my mum a nice meal) lil sis came who is 21wks preg, I'm so happy for her etc etc but just kept looking at her thinking how come your body works properly and you can get preg within 3 months of trying!!! 

I feel guilty even saying this because she is my sister and I love her to pieces but I'm soooo jealous, what is wrong with me!!! Why can't I just be happy for people, the world doesn't revolve around me wanting a baby, I feel like all I do is obsess about charts and babies and poor DH would be better off without me I'm certain!! All I do is cry and I'm honestly surprised he hasn't left me by now.

Sorry girls, I really don't want to bring anyone down but its doing my head in all this baby stuff. 

xxx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

J9L: hugs, hugs and more hugs... I do know how you feel about being sad and thinking husband is better off, but you know what there is no use thinking that way... your husband loves and supports you so enjoy him... I know it is hard and sad I too am trying to cope and there are days I cry just last night we were at dinner with a friend and my hubby was telling her how difficult it has been for me etc and my eyes welled up... didn't want to show it so i sucked it up and cried internally...
This too will pass my dear trust me... but never think that you are not worthy... it must be hard for you to see your sister and there is nothing I can say to make sense you just have to deal with it in your own time and way...

doddyclaire: trust me i thought about drinking a glass of wine and not sure what distracted me and didn't should have though it probably would have been better 

karT: I know I went somewhere earlier in the week too and all i could see is pregnant women arghhh... 

Hi to all the other ladies... have a wonderful week...


----------



## doddyclaire

J9L - hang in there hun, it is so bluddy hard, and frustrating too.  I agree with jamaica there, there is NO WAY your hubby is better off without you, and weren't your vows "for better or worse"?  This is one of the for worse times, but it will pass.

My best friend is pg and today found out she is having a boy, and I am chuffed for her, but every conversation we have now (and we email daily) revolves around baby and pregnancy, I tried being subtle today by saying that i'm really jealous, she just replied that "oh it'll be you one day, and just think of all the hand-me-downs ill be able to give you"  How sh1t did that make me feel then?! 

Some days are easier than others i guess!!

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Big   for all you lovely ladies.

hennups, sorry to hear you are going through a really rough time just now. I hope your brother makes a full and speedy recovery, it sounds like he has a very good prognosis which is good. I hope your family can help you out with funding for tx.

J9L, sorry to hear you have been feeling down too hun. It's absolutely normal to have feelings of envy and jealousy when someone close to us, or anyone else, seems to get pg easily when we struggle. Please stay strong hun, I know it's easier said than done. Please don't feel your DH would be better without you, I'm sure he would never want to be without you. He is probably feeling everything you are but men just don't talk about their feelings like us girlies. 

Kart, good luck for your appointment with new clinic tomorrow, hope your dates fit in with your much deserved holiday. Hope the coffee date wasn't too upsetting for you. It does get tiresome trying to be cheerful around pg ladies, I find it totally exhausting 'cause it takes so much effort. 

Claire, glad your feeling better hun. What's the secret? We could all do with a bit of whatever is working for you!   Hope the diet went well today, good on you for getting your salad all made up the night before. I'm never that organised! Sorry to read about your friends e-mail though, people just don't understand and say things they don't realise is upsetting. I'm sure she meant it in the nicest possible way. 

Jamaica, sorry your massage wasn't as relaxing as you'd hoped. That's a good reason to go back for more!

My weekend was good, caught up with a friend over coffee on Saturday, had lunch with my sister and 6 year old nephew yesterday then went to the cinema with a friend last night to see Limitless. Film was good (mostly because it was an hour and a half oggling Bradley Cooper, mmmm!)

I have to say, I am so glad Monday is almost over, I haven't had a very productive day at work at all. Felt tired when I got up this morning and haven't managed to shift that feeling all day. I am going to force myself to go to my spinning class at seven then it will be an early night for me tonight I think. Am sure I will feel more energised in the morning. 

Lynn xx


----------



## kimmy 30

hello ladies

I hope mothers day was OK for you all? i had to work was quite pleased secretly to get away from it all 
my DH brought me a mothers day card from our dog would normally laugh but made me feel a bit sad!

Welcome OPA & bluebelle   sorry its not on another thread!

Lou h- banana loaf sounds yummy! i know I'm wishing my life away to retirement keep thinking another 30 years!

Mrs rock- That;s a really difficult one to answer i think whats £440 when I'm spending £5000 on icsi that won;t even buy the drugs lol! but on the other hand what the other girls have said you prob know most the stuff From google, books etc, i would def want to know exactly what the course will cover?
I'm having counselling next week first session may be a waste of money but feel i have to try it so i can move on for next TX 

Hennups   I know exactly what you mean i have been avoiding everyone and some friends of my DH's that knew about  MC just can't bear people looking at me in a pitiful way  I didn't drink much before but really enjoying drinking wine at the moment want to enjoy my life as feel like its been put on hold!

Kart- NHS funding is    Its so out of order that they take a cycle off you because you don't want to wait 3 years to wait for TX to start!! I think we should all write to our mp's  
I just self funded my cycle as waiting list is 2 years and we only get 1 free go so does that mean i have ) left now? if that is the case i will def be writing to MP 

Kimmy


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Girls, 

Sorry, not posted for a while   So many seemed down over the last couple of days so want to send big   to all.

Wicks, Jack, Nessiebro, Kat, Singers, Madeline Rose, Bluebell and Opa, I hope you are all well  

Charlotte, So sorry DH is not well and has been signed off sick  

LouH, Pleased that your scan went well and that you are back on the rollercoaster  

KtCuddles, Hope you're still plodding hun - Big Fat Happy Plods  

Kimmy, Make the most of the the wine now, you've got a few months until the next tx, then you won't be able to have any wine for at least 9 months  

Winterberg, So pleased you're getting ready to start again soon  

KarT, Good luck with your appointment tomorrow.  Don't worry about screwing up dates, I did something similar after first tx and Dr offered drugs to hold off AF until after holiday  

J9L,   You're not bringing us all down, you're just saying what we're all thinking    I walked through the park the other day and there were loads of people with prams.  I said to DH they've all got babies, why can't we have one - He told me I was being selfish and I should be happy for them    I didn't talk to him again that day  

Claire, I hope you enjoyed your salad   and I'm pleased you've got your mojo back - think of all those extra calories you'll burn   Make sure those fat free yoghurts don't contain aspartame, Mullerlights do  

Lynn, I hope you enjoyed your spinning class  

Jamaica, I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your massage - maybe what you need to relax is a few of your fertility friends coming to visit  

Mrs Rock, One of my friends is a NLP tutor.  I am not sure whether this course is NLP although there does seem to be a bit on cognitive behaviour training so it wouldn't surprise me.  Personally I think it's a load of b*****s but my friend swears by it.  I would suggest that you read the book and then make the decision on whether to sign up.  I guess if there are ten sessions, that's £44 a session which is about the same price as other alternative treatments. Let us know what you decide  

Angela,   I'm sure you'll give your dd a sibling soon.

Hennups,    What a sh1t year you've had   Thankfully though your dear brother has been given a really positive prognosis.  I know what you mean about being a recluse.  I have tried to avoid all people.  I was booked on to a training course today - it's been booked for about 6 months but I wasn't sure if I could cope with meeting new people but I'm so pleased I went as I feel so much more positive for attending. I've got a BIL in Oz too - mine lives on the gold coast  

AFM - Still feeling a bit low - the young girl that lives directly opposite my is pg (well I think she is, she looks it but maybe she's been eating too many doughnuts). Also just employed a new lad at work and asked him about leave he may want off etc and he said his wife is due in June, so probably no getting away form baby talk for a while    I've booked a holiday though and am off to Turkey at the end of April   

Love to all, and special   to anyone I may have missed.

Belle x


----------



## J9L

Morning ladies

Thank you for all your kind words and support yesterday, think I was having a particular bad day (not helped by the fact that AF is due) sorry again, I don't want to bring anyone down!!! DH is great and after a talk last night he too said he is struggling but didn't want to tell me in case It made it harder for me. Men are so macho aren't they!!! and there is me thinking he wasn't as bothered as I was!!!

The sun is shinning in sunny Newcastle today, and It is going to be a better day for sure.

Doddyclaire- People can be so insensitive can't they, I fell out with my lil sis briefly when she first found out she was preg (as she kept insisiting I keep cooing over her scan pic) had to give her a gentle nudge and say, yes I am happy for you, but I don't want to see it everytime we meet. I know she didn't mean any harm by it, people that are preg are obviously so happy and just don't realise they may be offending. I'm sure your friend is the same.


Sorry for the lack of personals atm ladies, quickly posting before I leave for work.

Hope you are all well and have a lovely day. xxx


----------



## KarT

Just had to pop on to give J9L a massive   to start the day. Sweetheart. Don't feel bad, that's what we're all here for. I found my SiL being pg painful enough - I don't have a sis but I can imagine how painful it would be. It would be strange/superhuman of you if you weren't jealous. You ask what's wrong with your body - from your signature it seems that the reason you haven't got pg is because of the vasectomy/reversal? Unless I've misunderstoood? Sorry if so. But if not try to remember how strong and healthy you are which gives you a great chance for success I'm sure.  

Claire - your bf... you just get that 'here we go again' feeling don't you?! 

Kimmy - re funding - that's just in my area (NHS Lothian) so it may be different in your area ( just before you go and kick your MPs door in!!!)

Belle - so lovely to hear from you. Glad it sounds like you're coping and you've booked a hol. (Mrs Rock - I'm a bit with Belle on some of the NLP stuff - I went on a course once and ended up very upset as they imply that everything that happens in life happens because in some way you have made it so/not thought positively enough - I struggled to understand how my DH could have brought MS on himself by not thinking positive. I ended up getting very upset with the tutor after the course and it was awful. However - I don't know anything about the course you mention and it may well be totally different)

Better go and do some work... working from home this week writing reports so I am finding myself on here more than usual!! xx


----------



## J9L

Hi all

Kart- Thanks for that!!! I think because it's my younger sister I feel like it should be me first, especially seen as we have been talking/thinking about it for so long, but unfortunately life doesn't work like that, and it's just not my turn yet, I have to learn to be patient (something which doesn't come easy ha ha)! The clinic did say it was more than likely because of vasectomy but then there was some talk whether I had PCOS or not, I'm not convinced everything is fine with me, when my periods are so erractic.   

claire- hope bf starts to behave herself, maybe you need to be less subtle with your hints next time!! 

Belle- A hol will be just what you need, I know I am counting the days until mine!!

Kimmy- I would challenge anything regarding funding, me and DH did and we now have our treatment funded, it's worth a try. 

Mrs Rock- I would read the books and hang onto your cash for tx or a well deserved holiday.

I need to get a stone off asap so I can start my next cycle (I have put a stone on since failed icsi in feb, why am I such a comfort eater ha ha)

Doddy claire I'll be joining you with the salads!!! 

   to anyone I have missed.

xxx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hello lovely ladies

I hope everyone is feeling a little better now Mother's Day is over?  It does bring up some difficult feelings for sure.  

The weather here has been sunny and warm and it has perked me up thankfully.  We have our 3rd wedding anniversary next weekend, and I find it difficult to avoid sad thoughts about it because we started TTC the instant we got married.....  However we are marking it by going for a posh afternoon tea at a hotel I walk past every day near work, I look in the windows and covet the cakes so am grabbing the excuse to go there !  This was not part of my diet plan, J9L I Am a HUGE comfort eater too and am the heaviest I have ever been in my life!  But hey, I'll worry about that next week!

Thank you for everyone's thoughts about the course.  I looked up NLP and I don't think it's exactly the same as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, though it does sound like there are some similarities definitely.  Wikipedia says (so it must be right!) that NLP has critics who say there is no evidence for it being effective.  CBT is now offered by the NHS and I have done some at the pain clinic I attend for my chronic pain and it has helped  no end in learning to live with the pain.  However still mulling it over.  I have the course overview and it breaks down to about £14 per hour which is reasonable, however we are skint and seems wrong not to put the £440 towards tx!  

I am going along to see a local gym and inquire about membership today.  It is difficult for me to exercise but I am making progress and I really want to lose weight so am thinking that maybe the money should go on the gym membership instead?  Have not decided.  I'm a Libra - indecisive, can you tell??   

Re other people's pgs, my current bugbear is I simply cannot stand being ambushed by scan pics used as profile pics on ********!  As soon as anyone does that I jut de-friend them, as I can't be doing with that every time I log on!  Saying that if anyone here wants to be ** friends pm me,at least I know you lovely ladies have some sensitivity!

Have a good day all of you

Mrs R xxx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Just had to come back and tell you grils, the most gorgeous, huge bouquet of flowers has just been delivered to my house out of the blue!  It is from the girls at the pain support group I go to, because I did not feel up to going to lunch with them on Monday and I told them it was because I was feeling down after my recent mc.  They are lovely, all yellows and oranges, sunny colours.  I cannot tell you how much that has cheered me up                Wanted to share the happy!!


----------



## J9L

Mrs Rock- That is lovely of your friends, my wedding boquet was an autumn arrangement of oranges, yellows etc, they sound beautiful and no more than you deserve.

I'm having a much better day today than my previous moanings on, sorry again about that. I think I might take a break from all the ttc lark and concentrate on me and DH. I can't have my second cycle of ICSI until I loose a stone and whislt that seems really easy to do and I lost 2 for first cycle so I know I can do it, I just can't motivate myself at the moment as I am feeling too raw about the ICSI etc and as explained earlier I comfort eat when I'm stressed.

I am going to forget all about babies (easier said than done) but I need to focus on something else as I am obsessed and it's not good for me or my lovely dh. 

Wish you girls all the luck in the world with your journey's and who knows may see you all on here in June when I am ready again. xxx


----------



## KarT

Good on you J9L! I notice you are only a baby yourself at 29! If I was 5 years younger I'd defo take a break too so enjoy every minute of being 'normal' with your lovely DH and very best of luck to you  

mrs rock - awww lovely!!!! amazing how flowers can make you feel so happy! I smile at my daffs whenever I step out the front door just now ( sad I know!)

xx


----------



## charlotte80

Hi all,
Sorry haven't been on for a while. I have been reading your messages but just not had much to report back and been really tired this week and not felt like it. Am glad its now the easter hols and have 2 weeks free (well thats a lie as have reports to write)
Annoyed today - rang the clinic as still not heard from the embryologist who was supposed to get in contact to answer a couple of questions  - our follow up was three weeks ago now and the dr said he would get the embryologist to contact us. He is going to ring us monday, hopefully. To top that of went to my gp to find out what tests we could ge on the NHS and she hadn't even received the letter the clinic sent to ask them about tests.   I am feeling more like I want to change clinics now. Husband and I are off to Lonodon wednesday to look at the LFC. 

What a beautiful day its been, and I've been stuck indoors  
DH birthday on sunday so hopefully will have an enjoyable weekend. Taking our nephews bowling tomorrow.

Hope everyone is feeling ok


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi ladies! How's everyone doing? 

I've not really felt up to posting I'm sorry    been keeping busy and catching up on things as I've been neglecting EVERYTHING!
Mother-in-law is being a really selfish cow   and have had to deal with that too, but it's far from being back to normal, she's soooooooo uncaring  
Have been suffering with a really bad af which doesn't help the mood I know, and was feeling quite depressed   watched the grand prix this morning and got out in the garden and enjoyed the   which has made me feel better   

Sorry for neglecting everyone  

Ktcuddles


----------



## ANGELA29A

kt cuddles, i dont feel much like posting at the moment.sorry you have been a bit depressed, glad you are enjoying the sunshine. life is very hard.xxxx

Update going for 3rd attempt at smear test tomorrow, i so hope they manage to do it, worrying me sick.xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Angela-   fingers crossed for you hunny   let's hope it's third time lucky


----------



## hennups

HI ladies. More neglect apologies from me too. Although I've been neglecting everyone quite frankly. Sorry. 

Just back from follow-up appt. They are tweaking a few bits and bobs with the cycle but we're signed up the next but one 'batch'. It means we're heading for e/c around the 27th June. Not too far away I guess. Gotta check how many drugs and stuff I've got left. Not many. I gave my needles/syringes to a friend going to do nursing in remote Tanzania so don't even have those! But they went to a very good cause. 

Anyway, will try and keep up to date more but guess I'll maybe see some of you on the June buddy thread. Good luck everyone!

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi hennup!!! I'm on the June/ July thread   will be lovely to see you there and cycle with you again!


----------



## doddyclaire

And me Hennups 

Hang in there girlies, hope the weather has cheered you up some

Big   to you all

xx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Ladies,

Claire, KtCuddles and Hennups, I may also be joining you on Jun/Jul board - got my follow up on 26th April - although I may be more of a May/June buddy depending on protocol.

KtCuddles,   to MIL.  I hope that AF has eased off  and I'm pleased the sunshine has cheered you up a bit.

Angela, Hope your smear went ok.

Charlotte, I hope you got the call from the embryologist and that your DH had a lovely birthday yesterday.

KarT, I hope that you are well and that you managed to get some work done from home last week. 

J9L,   Take all the time out that you need.  

MrsRock, What a lovely surprise  

AFM - No change here, although I am a bit worried about how un-upset (is that a word?) I've been after the last failed tx.  Last time I was so depressed but I don't think it's really hit me yet. 

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## nessiebro

hi girls,

i have  posted on this thread before but i thought i was dealing with my bfn which i got on 22nd march but im clearly not  
any advise on how to get through the day without tx and babies consuming my every thought and also how to deal with db? 

he dosnt show his feelings(like 99% of men i think) he has just been able to carry on, yeh he was upset wen it didnt work but dosnt talk about it so im left thinkin that hes over it and here i am like a total wreck and not knowing what to do.

every argument we have, whether its  small or big it dosnt matter but whatever it is about it always ends up comin back to the tx and then he thinks that i am blaming him as its male issues we have, but i dont, i never have ever blamed him for any of this but he thinks i do and i cant be strong enuf for the both of us !!!!!

we have to wait 2months for our follow up appointment which is driving me nuts as now i have convinced myself that i must have issues as well as to why its not working for us.

im not the most patient person in the world anyway and i no that tx is the longest process we will ever got thru in our lifes but theres gota be an easier way of dealing with a negative result than the way i am dealing ith it.

i wasnt as bad as this on any other times we have went thru it but this time is the 1st time we have actually made it to the et stage so maybe i am blaming myself for it not working now as i actually had an embie inside me this time and it didnt wanna stay  
argh......help......any advice on how you have all coped with it?
sorry it is a totally depressing post,no one else understands what its like
thanks
michelle


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Nessiebro- hello hunny   I'm so sorry about your bfn, but you're in the right place for support   I know this sounds like a cliche but it does get easier, and it's still such early days for you and db   Im sure your db Is hurting, and 'carrying on' is how he is coping with it, especially if he feels it's his fault and he's putting you through all this pain   I know my dh throws himself into work, and he too blames himself, saying that he's a 'reject' which are his words, and I too have NEVER blamed him, he feels that he needs to be strong for me, at that means carrying on, which is what I would imagine your db is feeling for you    Im sure he'll talk when he's ready Hun.
You shouldn't blame yourself either   It just wasn't meant to be this time.  
Be kind to yourself Hun, chat, cry, do what makes you feel comfortable and don't do anything you don't want to, take it easy, and know that we are all here for you sweetie. X 

Huge  

Ktcuddles


----------



## charlotte80

Angela - hope all went well

Hennups - good news you know when you can cycle again

Nessiebro -   to you. DH and I have had ups and downs over the past few weeks, you're not alone. I'm sure he is feeling it too and doesn't want to upset you.

Didn't get the call from the embryologist today so will have to call again  
Good bit of news is I have blood tests on friday to have some of the tests done on the NHS

question for you ladies - how come AF can arrive before test day on both IVF cycles but every other time I have no idea when its going to arrive, i hate irregular cycles.

Hope you all enjoyed the weather at the weekend


----------



## nessiebro

KtCuddles thank you for replying to me. I know that everything you say is totally right. i do hope he will one day talk to me and tell me how he truely is feeling instead of me trying to guess.
he HAS thrown himself into his running which must be the same as you dh with his work, its the one place i suppose that im not there with him as a constant reminder of what has happened 

charlotte80 its nice to know we are not alone and that sadly there are others goin thru exactly the same as us  
That was the question i asked myself when my AF came before my test date as well, "why early now but never any other time!!!!"

hope everyone is okay    
michelle x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Charlotte- I got af on the day I was supposed to after tx (obviously didn't have a test date  ) but last 2 af were late but this one was on time! I can only think it's the hormones still in your body causing havoc! I'm sure the detox ive been on helped af arrive on time this time! 
Have you tried  some  , normally works   if not, then you've had some fun


----------



## ANGELA29A

thanks girls for asking how smear went, yes finally got smear done,  very painful though, saying neck of womb has shrunk because of scar tissue from removal of cin 3 cells(precancerous)
but why suddenly scar tissue has appeared now i dont know. dr wants to have another look in 6 weeks,and then refer me for i thought she said dilation?? but i could be wrong, any way something to open neck of womb.xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Angela- glad you finally had smear done,   &   for your pain hunny


----------



## doddyclaire

Evenin,

Nessiebro - sending you & db massive , i'll echo KT, it DOES get easier, just takes a bit of time, and even when you think you're over it, something will come along and knock you for six again. Really hope you feel better soon x

AFM, just popped on for a mini rant really, just had works meal out and ended up getting stuck next to the one person in our company that I truly HATE with a passion - dumb blonde, 21, 2 kids by different dads and as dozy as they come, she's a proper Jeremy Kyle candidate, so she's blathering in my ear, asking how does tx work coz she's never really understood - I wanted to shout at her - well you wouldn't - you open your fkn legs an get pregnant, but of course I couldn't say that, and she's the ex boss's niece to make it worse, she then spent the rest of the evenin tellin me about her two kids, and childbirth, and why wouldn't I watch One Born every Minute - surely if i'm hoping to get pg, I should be watching it on loop??!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD _ SHOOT ME!!!!

So i am home, and just had to have one wee glass of wine, before I self combusted!!!

Sorry ladies, rant over!!

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- OMG she truly IS blond!!!!!! Silly cow!!!!!   hope your feeling better after your medicinal tipple   just think clear blue sky, white sandy beaches, warm clear turquoise sea, and many many mojitos and daquries


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - thanks!!  Feeling slightly calmer altho I do feel like I have had a lobotomy!!!  She has brain damaged me!!
Oh well, fck her and her stupid life, I only hope to god she doesn't come back to the office, but I know she will, oh and she "promised" to bring in her kids to see me on Friday - deep joy 

Mmm - mojitos!!  Yes please 
xx


----------



## KarT

claire - oh god, nooooooo! what a nightmare!!! (But you did make me laugh -sorry!! ) I sometimes think all these total numpty moron mothers are thrown in my path deliberately to wind me up!!! Saw one of those mums in her 20s but looked about 50 this morning - smoking a ***, bum hanging out her trackie bottoms and screaming at her toddlers. Threw her a filthy look.  I'm becoming a horrible person......

angela - arg, just what you need... hopefully just a blip? 

kt, hennups, belle... oh I so want to be cycling with you all again but I'm more on the July/August thread (which is v quiet so far!)

michelle - massive   I am also a running widow! DH ran a half marathon on Sunday and is supposed to be doing the London triathlon at the end of July - not good timing for my next tx. (Does db run a lot? Have you guys ever discussed exercise with your clinic? We have and they thought his extreme exercise probably not related to his low sperm count but I can't help feeling that cycling from Land's End to John O'Groat's - I'm not kidding - must have an affect on his man bits!!I asked whether we should freeze a sample so we're not using his triathlon-ed out sperm the next time but the doc was very dismissive and said, 'oh - I only need about 7 sperm'!!!). My doc also told me that running is a classic man way of dealing with difficult emotions - they are literally running away from them. My DH always exercises way more when he's stressed. I'm starting to think maybe it's no bad thing -at least he has somewhere to focus his emotions. Whereas I think us girls get a bit lost... unless of course we get lovely support on ff  We're all here for you to come on and have a bit rant or moan or whatever you need to do.  
As for the blame thing - he's never once mentioned to me he felt any responsibility and so I was shocked when MiL told me he feels awful and 'useless' etc. I think it's such a huge thing for them. I think all we can do is keep reassuring them about how important they are to us, that they are loved etc. We also found a romantic w/end away really helpful.
As for you - you're grieving and all you can do is give yourself time. As KT said, I promise it does get easier. Can you think about your next tx yet? Try not to be stressing that there's something wrong with you - I had the same fear as I have 1 failed cycle and 1 m/c behind me and  the doc said if anything this gave me an increased chance of it working next time. Not sure why - maybe just that our luck is due in?!  

afm - af should have arrived at w/end but no sign (nor any PMT) so I guess cycle all a bit screwed up. Am stupid enough to consider buying a pg test tho. God - I'm a fool to myself. Can't believe I'm back here hanging onto the vague hope I might be pg every month...


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

KarT- big   hunny, your not stupid or a fool   I think you'll find that most of us have a stash of hpt 'just in case'... ive got 4!


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hey Ladies

KarT you are not a fool I did this once, before we did our second cycle my af was late I even thought I felt symptoms. Went out and bought 2 tests I think and was devastated when it showed negative. Even though I knew it couldn't be positive anyway! I was such an idiot... but we do these things so don't think you are silly.

Michelle as the others said, it does get easier, just give yourself all the time you need to heal.    

Claire girl i encounter "dumb blonds" all the time, unfortunately it's not restricted to blonds alone  

So I await my af and for once I hope it doesn't come till after my weekend away, but with my luck it'll come the day we head out of town... my body doesn't care about me


----------



## LouH

Hi *Karl T* - my AF was 9 days late for first cycle after BFN bleed, I did a test but only so I knew if i could or couldn't go and drink copious amounts of bubbly that weekend! Stupid really though as it was never going to be + was it!!! From reading elsewhere seems very common to have delayed AF.

xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Hello girls


J9L I'm glad you are feeling better.  Your wedding bouquet must have been gorgeous.  Mine was plain white roses and my bridesmaid dried it for me so I still have it in the wardrobe.  Bit pointless really but of course can't bring myself to throw it away!

KarT my daffs make me smile as well!  I call my little flower bed with tulips and daffs my 'happy corner'   

Charlotte what did you think of the LFC when you visited?

Kt are you feeling better, hope your AF is over.  MILs can be a trial can't they!  Luckily mine is lovely although her only grandchildren live in the USA, she sees them twice a year so I feel the pressure of trying to produce some for her that live nearby    What's yours been up to?

nessiebro  I'm sure you are right and your DH does feel the sadness but he is hiding it.  That's what men are brought up to do and they feel they have to be 'strong' for us. I would find it very hard if I were not allowed to show my upset feelings but they feel they are not.    I realised how hard our mc had hit my DH only when I was being a right old cow to him on Sunday and picking on him for no reason other than I was sad and angry with life, and out of the blue he burst into tears    I feel awful about it, but at least it got him talking about his feelings I suppose.  Have resolved to be nicer.  Regarding the waiting for follow up I feel your pain.  I am incredibly impatient and find those waits very hard.  I think we need to know what the next step is to help us through the negative feelings about the next cycle.  After my 1st BFN I made a calendar and ticked off the days to my follow up - yes I am THAT obsessed   but it did help actually.

Angela I think dilation means the opening up of the cervix.  Sorry your smear was so painful honey.  I need to go for one in the next few months myself.  

Doddyclaire what a stooopid bimbo!  I feel for you.  Well done for not giving her what for, I'd have been sorely tempted.  Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!   

Hi to Hennups, Bathbelle, Jamaica and Lou xx

Been a bit upset today though am feeling better now.  I am still bleeding 3 weeks after my erpc so I rang clinic yesterday and they said to come for a scan today to see what's what.  Got myself 'in position' in the scanning room and just cried, as it brought it all back being scanned there and told I'd had a mmc.  Poor Dr didn't know what to say to me.  Anyhow all looked good on scan and they said it looks like I am mid-cycle by the lining though don't have a clear lead follicle yet.  That's reassuring to know cos was worried the bleeding would mean my cycle would not yet have re-started itself but looks like it has.  They said the bleeding is probably just from one blood vessel which is slow to heal and not to worry about it.  Also said it was ok to get jiggy (they didn't use that phrase  )  which is good cos we had our wedding anniversary yesterday and we missed it!!!  DH doesn't know his luck is in tonight, that'll be a nice surprise for him ha ha


----------



## nessiebro

thanks ladies for your nice words. things are getting a wee bit better, you are all right, i just need to be more patient and things will come good i think  

KarT Yeh db runs all the time, he done his 5th marathon on sun, and to be fair to him, he is a fantastic runner but i have also expressed my worries about him running so much and how it might affect his swimmers? that is one of the questions that is on  our list to ask the doc when we go for our follow up in may. 

i love exercising too and i run as well, 10k's are my limit tho   but when im stressed like this i find it really hard to get up and go do anything but he seems to run more which i can understand.....its like "his" time which makes more sence when i think about it, just like you said.......he IS running away from it all !!!!

we still got one more shot left but when it will be is anyones guess. hopefully we will get told when we go the follow up app.
there is so many questions we have to ask so im trying not to think that i have something wrong with me as well...its just soooooo very hard to go through this isnt it without ripping yourself apart !!!! i promise i will try and be more postitive from here on in coz i hate feeling like this and i know the only person that can turn it around is me   

thank you all for your support

sorry there isnt any personals, i hope everyone is ok  

michelle x


----------



## Mrs Rock

Oh girlies, I meant to say, not sure whether any of you are London girls but if you are, we are planning a little meet up tomorrow night, see the Social gatherings thread in London Board - all welcome!


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Mrs Rock

Sorry, where is the London board?
Thanks

MR


----------



## KarT

Hi all

Have a big cocktail drinking night out planned on Friday so was in Tesco last night and thought 'I'll just sling that pg test in the trolley and I can do it on Friday morning to be on the safe side if af hasn't arrived'. What do you know? By the time I got home the old witch had arrived! Bloody typical!!!!!  Nothing like buying a pg test to bring on af.....

Annoyingly means I have a stash in the house for next round of tx - will have to get someone to look after them for me or I'll be off testing 3 dpt!!!

michelle - would be so interested to hear what your clinic have to say re running and exercise - would you let me know? As I said, mine was very dismissive of any negative impact it would have. Though, as I may have said, it's very important for dh to keep very fit to keep his MS symptoms at bay. I run too though had given up abut a year ago - started up again 3 weeks ago and highly recommend shoving yourself out the door as its making me feel really good. Am trying to decide whether I fit enought for Edinburgh 10K on 21/5.

jamaica - hope you had a fab w/end away?

mrs rock - oooh I'm jealous - would love to meet up with you ladies. will be in London for a visit over the summer so who knows, it may coincide with one of your meets. Some of us Edinburgh ladies have been talking of meeting too.

big   to all xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Madeline, here you are

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=236226.456

KarT - hope we coincide with you in the summer, you could let me know your date and we'll see!


----------



## binkyboo

Hi all, I hope you dont mind me rejoining you all, those of you who remember me will know that I had my 1st icsi in Jan which resulted in one egg which didnt fertalize, anyway, basically the reason they only got 1 egg is that they couldnt access my left ovary due to my endo they think.  The egg and sperm were fine, they just didnt fertalize!

She has recommended I see my endo consultant and surgeon  and then see if he can do more surgery before my 2nd cycle, I had my last lap in March 2010, where he told me he put everything back where it should be.  She said it is not worth wasting another cycle and the same happen again, but also said the waiting list for surgery is longer that the 2nd cycle, so its just waiting game again.

The last lap I had he put everything where he could but it must have moved again, to get rid of all the endo last time he couldnt as he said he would have had to cut into the bowel, and the risk of the colostomy bag, which I 100% didnt want, I just hope he can put my ovary back where it should be fr stimming!!!!
I have an appt with him on the 19th May, which isnt too long. She said the next cycle would be the short protocal with 450 menopaur instaed of 375 gonal f, I dont know how I feel, dispondant again, had some tears, but I know one thing, I am going to book a holiday soon!!!!!!!

Thanks all, any advise would be fab, hope all is well.
xxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Binkyboo-   oh my goodness, sweetie, you neeeeeed a holiday    
I will be on the short protocol next time too, as I only got two eggs and they didn't fertilise either   its so frustrating but they say it's much better for poor responders, in other words, we don't need to  dreg. I know it's difficult to get your head round, but I just keep thinking... Less drugs, less injections, and less time from start of tx to the end    
Sorry if vie not been much help sweetie, big  

Ktcuddles


----------



## binkyboo

Thank you KT, I think its about time I caught back up with you guys!!!!,  xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Bless you hunny   keep


----------



## doddyclaire

Binky - hello darlin, so lovely to hear from you hunny    have a bloody ood holiday and get ready for the next cycle eh?! xx


Mrs Rock - thanks hunny, am a bit piishhed!!  My 10yr old nephew made me missisipi mud pie, plus I had proper cake and another pud - washed down with tons of champers  xx


----------



## lubeloo

Hope you don't mind me rejoining ladies.  It has been a while.

Just saw your post Binky and I have been put on the short protocol 450 menopur, started last week so know what you are going through (I have endo too).  Gonal F is easier (I did that last time and got 3 eggs, 2 fertilised but unluckily got a BFN) but if menopur is going to be more successful, I will try anything.  Try not to get dispondent hon, we are all here and all feel it at times. I have always done short protocol and one time it worked so don't give up hope.  A holiday will do you good, make the most of being able to relax and eat and drink what you like!

I went to work today, not feeling too well but they said I looked terrible and sent me home. They don't know I am having treatment.  I decided not to tell my boss ts time unless I get to EC stage.  Probably a good thing they sent me home, I am not jsut looking ill, but feel overly emotional and can cry at nothing - don't want to scare the patients.  

I am not sure if I should be getting period like pains or not when stimmin, or if I should call them to tell them?  Never had pains like this before.  Any advice?

Anyway....here's to an afternoon in bed watching crap TV (Not Jeremy Kyle though as I get too angry seeing all the people who get pregnant at the drop of a hat, don't know who the father is and don't really seem to give a s#!t.)  On that note I will depart, before I am taken oven by the angry emotion hormones!  

Have a good day ladies and take care. xx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hi ladies, just a quick hi not much to report. Won't be on for the weekend as we are out of town till Sunday. Well needed relaxation and to enjoy our 5th anniversary tomorrow!

 to everyone.

With my luck tho AF is gonna arrive tomorrow morning   still praying it won't, go figure for the first time i pray AF doesn't show 

Take care guys, hope you all have a nice weekend


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi girls! 

Lubeloo- 'ello luv! It's interesting reading your post, I will be on short protocol when we start again in June but I know very little about it   Only that it's 2 weeks shorter than the long protocol. I suppose I'll find out more when I go for appointment in may, any heads up would be good though   hope you've enjoyed your afternoon in bed     

Jamaicababytrying- happy 5th anniversary hunny! Have a lovely weekend, hope af stays away for you!  

Ktcuddles


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Ladies,

KtCuddles,   that the short protocol is your answer.  I did it on my last fresh cycle and it was so much easier  

Jamaica,   Enjoy your weekend away and I hope that the witch doesn't arrive. 

Lubeloo, I hope that your afternoon in bed watching crap tv has made you feel a bit better.  I've never had AF type cramps when stimming but I had them really bad last time when doing a FET.  If you're worried give the clinic a call.  Why is Gonal F easier?   I've only ever used menopur but maybe I should ask about Gonal F for my next tx.  

Claire, Pleased you had a good evening yesterday.  Mmmmm Mississippi Mud Pie - one of my favourites    

Binkyboo, I'm sorry I can't help with your endo question. Have you booked a holiday yet?

Mrs Rock, I hope that you and DH had a good time last night   and that you have a good time at your meet up tonight.

KarT, Sorry that AF turned up   I don't think that there is any harm in hoping that you get a natural pg in between tx. One of my last FET buddies did.  Me and DH will definitely be trying   Enjoy your cocktails tomorrow  

Madeline Rose, Are you going to the meet up?

Michelle   I hope that you a feeling a bit perkier. 

LouH, My AF has always been two weeks late after tx.  I am so hoping that it Will be two weeks late this time too as I will be on holiday when its due so what's the bets it will be bang on time    I hope that you enjoyed your night on the bubbly  

Angela, Pleased you managed to get the smear done. 

Charlotte, Did the embryologist ever phone?

Hi and   to everyone else.

AFM - The clinic left a message for me to change my follow up appointment    When I phoned though they've managed to bring it forward    So it's now next Wednesday a week earlier than initially planned.  Also the BCRM is having an open evening next week so I'm going to go and have a look around.  Are any of you lovely ladies at the BCRM?  If I remember correctly quite a few of the original snowdrops were. 

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## Madeline Rose

Hi Everyone

Sorry I couldn't make tonight Mrs Rock. Hopefully you can join the next Bromley meet up?

Sorry, not been v active on the thread, have been lurking and building up my strength ready for #3
MR
X


----------



## binkyboo

Hey everyone, just a quick one as in work!
Hope everyone is ok! Bathbelle, havent booked yet, going to look the weekend!

xx


----------



## lubeloo

Hi Girls
Good morning to you all!  Today is going to be a fabulous day!!!! (Am reading a book about the power of positive thinking and am trying really hard to stay upbeat.  Easier said then done, bet the book is in the bin by the end of the day!)

Just a quick one as have to get to clinic, fingers crossed that my poor responders have decided to get busy since my last scan   

Morning Bathbelle!  I find Gonal F easier as it is just one dose in a pen applicator, so there is none of the mixing and and it is quicker and more stress free, especially if you are on a high dose (I have to mix six vials every night   ). I got a BFP with gonal F too, but I know that the stimms don't make any difference when you get that far.

I will check in with you all later and hope everyone enjoys their weekend plans.   xxx    

P.s Where is everyone planning on having their treatment?  I am going to the Chelsea & Westmisnter ACU as I went there for the funded ones and liked it. I did one cycle at the Lister too.


----------



## doddyclaire

Morning everyone 

Happy Damn Friday!!!  LOL, it never comes around quick enough for my liking!!

Lubeloo - i'm at Bourn, Colchester for my tx, its only half hour's drive from home so really convenient 

Belle - great news on having your F/U sooner!!  Hope you've got your questions ready!! x

Hope you all have a great weekend
xx


----------



## Mistygal

Hi All

Hope you have all had a happy and sunny weekend?! At least next week is a short one too.   

I had my follow up appt on Friday. Not too much to be learnt really. They have just said I should be on a higher dose of stims from start - was on mini dose of 150 Gonal F which was upped near the end. Consultant said that what can happen is that the eggs which only respond when the dose is upped might have degraded before then and so probably not many of my 11 were very good quality (could explain why all arrested at day 3 after being top grade until then).

Due to start next treatment in July.

So that was positive. 

Just had call from little sis. She started crying and then told me she was pregnant (2nd child)- but knew how upset I would be. Assured her I was not...

Feeling blue and down now. Hate the jealousy thing. I know I will love my new niece/nephew. But just down at the moment.   

Mistygal x


----------



## doddyclaire

Misty - huge hugs chick    Its your turn next 

Sounds like your follow up went ok, its a bit odd when they cant really tell you much considering how much of our lives get controlled by them!  Roll on July 

xx


----------



## J9L

Mistygal

Just wanted to drop on and assure you your feelings are totally normal. I got my first BFN following ICSI in March and then my sister announced she was preg after 3 months of trying!!!! (first child) and I was floored!! I know like you say I'm excited about being an aunty but I was devastated, we have been trying 2 and half yrs and been through lots to get to point of ICSI and like you say it just doesn't seem fair. Try to remain positive, our time will come!!!! I seen sis at weekend (who is now 24wks preg) and was so jealous of her growing bump!!! Have to snap myself out of it everytime I see her, I suppose it will always be hard until I have my own baby and I am learning to deal with that. I like you feel really guilty and selfish for feeling like this but I just can't help my feelings. I hope you get lots of support from your DH and family. xxx


----------



## charlotte80

Hi, hope you all had a good weekend.  

Mistygal - I know how you feel. After I had my miscarriage in March 09 my sister then announced her preganacy of her second child in April so was left devasted. 
Yesterday was my nephews 4th birthday and I spent the day surrounded by children and felt like the odd one out and a bit of a spare part. Surely it must be my turn soon  

Mrs Rock - LFC - have you been there before? I found the nurses and receptionist very friendly and welcoming. Wasn't that keen on the consultant (it was only a 10 minute chat so she couldn't know everything in that tiime) Spoke to embyorologist too and she made a lot of sense and told me so much more than i have ever known. DH and I know we don't want to cycle again at clinic in Dorset as feel we haven't been given enough information. 

Bathbelle  - embroyologist: we phoned again on friday (well my husband did as I can't cope with ringing them up anymore) and the receptionist was surprised that noone had got back to us. someone did ring in the afternoon (we were both out) and left a message which wasn't very clear so leaving my husband to ring up again today.  

KarT - perhaps I should go and buy a preganacy test too and that might make AF arrive   even though i still have one in the cupboard! I am still waiting for AF to arrive since it reared its ugly head on the 28th February. 

Have any of you ladies had a hysterscopy? If so where did you get it done - at clinic or NHS hospital?


----------



## lubeloo

Hello Ladies

Mistygal - we ahve all been there, trying to hold it together when we are told others 'wonderful news' and trying not to cry (often not successfully).  It is possible to be happy for others but still feel sad for yourself.  My friend is due any day now and as much as I love her I don't know if I will be able to cope with all the baby talk.  Does that make me a bad friend?  I don't know.  I know I will be there as much as I can and hope it will get easier.  I feel so selfish as I keep having jealous thoughts, telling DH and then feeling like a total *****!  

Charlotte80, I went to my nieces birthday party and two little girls asked me if I had children and why not.  Mmmmmmm, tricky.  I have now drawn the line, family birthday parties only.

I went for another scan today,a dn after taking 450 menopur for 17 days (not such a short protocol after all) the poor responders have spring to life and there were 6, still only 2 at 15 but for me that is fabulous so I am really excited today.  Fingers crossed that they will carry on growing.        

Binky, Maybe the menopur is better than the gonal f afterall??  I know there is no definate answer but I have bad endo and really low amh and I have managed to recruit 6 (unheard of for me).  Here is hoping they are good quality.

Better go, doorbell ringing.
Take care. xxxxx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hi Ladies

I'm back, weekend was great... thanks for the anniversary wishes... AF stayed away  

Back to reality now  

Anyway just touching base...


----------



## doddyclaire

Jamaica - glad you had a good time hunny, and that AF stayed away 

Hello to everyone else too!!

Hope you're all feelin ok?

xx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi - just a quickie as I'm at work.

Claire, Hope you had a nice weekend. I can't wait for this weekend - Only 1 and a half more days to go for me as I am also taking Thursday off 

Jamaica, Pleased you had a nice break.

Lubeloo, Sending you some follie growing vibes       I'm at Bath fertility clinic which is really handy as it is only a ten minute walk from my house.  I usually walk home after EC and ET    

Charlotte, I hope your DH managed to get hold of the embryologist yesterday.

J9L and Mistygal, I can't imagine what it must be like to have a pg sister   Your time will come soon though    

Binkyboo, Did you book a holiday?

Madeline Rose, Fingers crossed for third time lucky.

AFM - Going to the Bristol opening evening tonight to have a look around.  They reckon that they're one of the 10 best clinics in the UK but they seem to have average results on the **** website.  I will see what they've got to say though.  Also got my follow up at Bath tomorrow afternoon.  Got loads of questions and I'm hoping they'll let me go again on my next AF, so long as it doesn't arrive when I'm on holiday.  

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## binkyboo

Hi all, hope you are all ok, 

Lubeloo havent booked anything yet, it is mission to book something whist on leave, finish tomorrow until 3 May!!!!!!!!

Am trying not to think too much until I see my surgeon in May.

Love to all
xxx


----------



## jack12

just wanted to say hi to everyone. sounds as if a few are gearing up for treatment....excellent!!!!!!!!!!! Bit of news my end in as much as a bit of a new romance. been seeing this LOVELY chap for a week or two. Just met him out of the blue thru a friend and he has actually managed to put a constant smile on my face. all feels weird xxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi all! 

Jack12- I'm so pleased for you hunny   you deserve it sweetie   you do know your gonna have to keep us posted on the new romance now ?!?!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Bathbelle- how'd ya get on with the clinic sweetie?


----------



## charlotte80

Hello ladies  
Well the embryologist finally rang back yesterday!!! he apologised for taking so long to get back to us (its only been nearly 5 weeks since follow up!) Basically after I had 2 embies put back on day 3 (1 6 cell and the other 8 cell) they kept the other 9 in culture which were 4-6 cell and one was only a 3 cell. By day 4 only 2 had increased in number and day 5 there was no further increase in any, day 6 they had all arrested. I asked him to send us a copy of the report. I didn't know what to ask on the phone as was a little shocked to hear that with 9 left nobody made it. I do have eggs with lots of fragmentation though  

Anyway enough of me:
Bathbelle - how did you get on with your follow up app?

Jack 12 -  

Hope everyone else is doing well. I should go and crack on with writing reports, can't put it off any longer.


----------



## Mrs Rock

Charlotte I'm sorry it was bad news about your embies.  Was that the first time you had been told they had all arrested in the end?  If so that is shockingly bad communication from your clinic.  

I've had embies arrest on day 4 before and then one on day 6.  I try to say to myself that I'd rather that than have them put back and endure a 2ww for nothing.  Some poeple say that perhaps if put back into the uterus ie their natural environment they wouldn't have arrested.  I'm not sure I believe that.  I believe so much is down to egg/embie quality in the first place really.  But I suppose we can never really know.

Well girls, I have to share this, sorry if TMI, hubby and I haven't got jiggy for aaaaages as first I didn't want to during 2ww, then I got pg and was nervous about it intially, then I had mc and bled for 4 (count them) weeks after erpc and we were told not to until bleeding stopped in case of infection, then I had a terrible sore throat for 2 days, now I have finally stopped bleeding and can talk again and everything, both of us are completely s*x starved and hubby goes and trips over whilst out running and he has taken all the skin off his poor knees they bled like anything, look terrible and are really sore, he can hardly bend them let alone put any weight on them. So you know what that kinda means, still no jiggy!  AND I'm ovulating!  Aaaargh the frustration!  I think I am just going to jump on him when he gets home and close my ears to any cries of "mind my knees!"            Sorry just had to share that with some ladies who'll understand!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Charlotte- big  

Mrs Rock- you poor thing!!!!! How very frustrating! You need to get   if this isn't too out of order.... Get on top! He doesn't even have to do anything and you won't touch his knees!!!!  
Happy jigging!!!!


----------



## Mrs Rock

Kt ha ha not out of order at all, did think of that though neither of us really a big fan of it, well maybe it will have to do for once


----------



## charlotte80

Mrs Rock and Kt - thank you
I agree about the bad communication, yes we had no idea before. This has made up our mind about changing clinics too.
I'm with you on that one...I do feel that the two embies we had put back in on day 3 were probably not going to make it either by the sounds of it. I'm not sure I agree that they do better in their natural environment either. But that just might be me as i'm not a very positive person. 

The reports are going slowly, I keep looking at the sunshine...


----------



## doddyclaire

Jack12 - So lovely to hear from you sweetie!  And what exciting news too!!  That is just what you need to lift your spirits after all the s.h.1.t you've had already this year - long may that smile on your face remain 

Mrs Rock - Just jump him hun!!  LOL!  I know I haven't really felt like it much at all since failed attempt, poor buggers!!  

AFM - I have an outline of our next schedule, EC is booked for 27/06 and I feel really negaitve about it this time, I guess its normal, but already I feel like i'm going to be going through the motions for DP's sake, i'm already convinced it wont work 

xx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi,

Binkyboo, Enjoy your time off work  

Jack, A new romance how exciting.  You sound so happy, you deserve it  You must keep us posted on how it goes.

KtCuddles, How are you?

Charlotte, So sorry your remaining embryos didn't make it  

Mrs Rock, Hope you and your DH managed to get jiggy  

Claire, I am sending you some PMA   There is no reason it shouldn't work this time 

AFM - I had my follow up yesterday afternoon.  We were in with the consultant for just over an hour   and had some really useful discussion about what next.  I took a list of further tests I was going to ask my GP for and asked him what his thoughts on them were and to check what ones I have already had.  One of them he wasn't even aware of the effects on fertility so he googled it    Anyway he agreed that we are going to go big guns this time. So I'm going to be doing an antagonist protocol but he's going to up my dose of menopur to 4 vials.  I am also going to be taking prednisoline, clexane and aspirin. I'm really keen on Assisted Hatching so we've agreed to see how many embryos I get and how they look and make a decision on the day of ET.  He is also putting me on norethistorone to induce a bleed as after previous negative cycles AF has been all over the place.  So I'm now all booked in.  I start the norethistorone on 8th May and EC is planned for week commencing 6th June.  I'm sooo excited   

Love to all

Belle x


----------



## doddyclaire

Belle - WOW!!  That is all so promising isn't it!!  New tests to try and new doses too, really hope that this does the trick for you 

xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Claire - are they changing anything with your protocol this time to try and get a better result?  It's tough on you to be in this situation   

Belle - be interested to know how you get on with the assisted hatching.  We are thinking of asking for this if possible with our 2 remaining blasts.  The only cycle out of my 4 which resulted in a BFP for me was with a blast that was already hatching when it was frozen.  Of course it could have been the other one transferred with it which implanted, no way of knowing, but means I'd like to explore the idea at least.


Thanks for your tips ladies    I jumped him


----------



## ANGELA29A

there was an article in the paper this week about  DHEA helping fertility, never heard of these tablets?? has any one else??


----------



## doddyclaire

Angela - I've read alot about DHEA, but not sure how you go about getting it!!

Mrs Rock - Blimey, you didn't hang about did ya!!  Hope his kness didn't hurt! LOL!!

xx


----------



## Mrs Rock

Angela have got a feeling Zita West sells DHEA, have a look at her website.  I could be wrong just thought I'd seen it there.

Claire LOL    he wasn't complaining


----------



## ANGELA29A

thanks Mrs Rock, and claire will let you when ive investigated.x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Mrs Rock-   good for you luvvy!


----------



## lubeloo

Hi Lovely Ladies

How are you all doing?  I was asked about whether I would consider DHEA when I started treatmetn as my consultant seems to like it.......however he female dr's there and all the nurses don't seem too impressed.  I would try anything if I thought it would work, but there is no substantial evidence that it would, and I would be devestated if I did get pregnant and the baby was in some way harmed by the high doses of male hormone.  It's not licenced here so you have to buy it on the net and take if for 3 months before treatment.  It is licenced in NYC so maybe they know something we don't?  

I have final scan tomorrow to see if follicles are big enough to go ahead with EC on monday (hoping easter monday is a good day for eggs and not jsut chocolate ones!!) so am keeping everything crossed.  Please let there be 2 or more 18mm or bigger   

Take care ladies and keep smiling - it's a long weekend - hooray!!!!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Lubelou-   for your follies hunny   fingers crossed for Easter Monday And loads of     

Ktcuddles


----------



## KarT

Hello my lovelies!!

So much nice news here....

Jack - oh hurray! hurray! (is it weird I said it out loud when I read your post?! oh well - no-one here to hear me so doesn't matter!) Have a lovely time with your lovely new man. young love.... sigh.......

mrs rock - omg I know the feeling! Sometimes my DH's running schedule means he knackered but if I ovulating I just have to tell him to stay still and I'll do the hard work!!!!!  I'll be ovulating this week so DH in for some   !!!

lubeloo - everything crossed for you for Monday!!

belle - your clinic sounds great - such detailed feedback and how wonderful to get started again so soon! will have everything crossed for you - it's your time!!! 

misty - looks like we might be cycling together next time round - I'll be going from my June period which I think will be towards the end of the month then start d/r from day 21 so I guess mid July-ish

afm - I feeling oddly positive and upbeat! Had forgotten what it feels like to be happy I think!DH's MS symptoms are fading again - hopefully that's them away for another 2 years  . We spent gorgeous day walking in the hills in the Scottish Borders in the sunshine today and it was glorious. Feeling good about round 2 tho at the same time I'm happy to be away from it for a couple of months. We still haven't had our follow up from the last round and won't until mid May - the clinic just seems so over worked... feeling good about the decision to go to another clinic for the next round.

Have a lovely Easter w/end everyone xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening! 

KarT- Im glad things are looking rosy for you again   and that your dh is getting some rest bite from MS symptoms. I'm sure the   helps with feeling positive   happy Easter hunny! Have a lovely weekend.  

Hi to everyone else, hope the sunshine is bringing some pma in it's rays for you all  

Ktcuddles


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls! 

Can I just ask... Does anyone else get nightmares of the feeling of failure and no one (family) understanding, and not being as good as someone close to you who have had children? Sadly I know that these things have crossed my mind when I'm not sleeping!!!!! And the family not understanding is true!


----------



## doddyclaire

Morning KT!!  Totally hunny, I think it must be a common thing when you're struggling with fertility.  Just another cross we have to bear 

xx


----------



## lubeloo

Kt - I know just what you mean.  There are times when the dreams stop for a while, but they usually seem to come back.  Hopefully they will stop eventually.   

My friend had a baby yesterday and called from the hospital and I could hear all the babies crying.  It was so hard not to cry when I was talking to her.  Any advice anyone on how to cope with this. Of course I am pleased for her, but I am stimmin, am completely hormonal and don't know how I will manage visiting without crying and don't want her to feel bad.  HELP!!!!!

Jack - that is fab news!  Keep us all posted, what  aperfect time for romance, with all this sunshine!  Sound like you are due a bucket load of luck, not just a bit after all you have been through. Oh for romance - DH tries but with all this fertility stuff it is really difficult.  Remind me what it is like.

My scan on friday showed that my folicles were not all big enough yet so I have another scan on monday and then fingers crossed EC on wednesday.  I have been stimmin for 23 days, I feel like a pin cushion and my boobs are so sore I can't lie on my front.  I hope it is worth it.  All we need is one good egg.     

HAve a wonderful easter ladies - And enjoy scoffing those chocolate eggs, we deserve it!!!!! xx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Ladies,

Lubeloo, Good luck for your scan tomorrow.

KtCuddles,   I hope those nightmares have stopped.  I usually get bad dreams before TX.  Always about someone trying to break in to the family house that I grew up in and I am trying to protect my baby brother.  Thing is the people breaking in are always totally different, sometimes regular burglars, sometimes aliens  

KarT, So pleased you're feeling a bit better and I'm really   that you DHs symptoms stay away for a long time  

Angela and Claire, There are a few threads on here about DHEA.  I don't really know much about it as I've not researched it too much - yet!!!  I'd be interested to hear though what you find out about it and whether you think it is worth taking  

Mrs Rock, My clinic aren't too keen on AH but I have pushed them for it.  The first time I had TX I had 14 eggs collected but only 2 fertilised.  The next time I got 8 eggs and they used ICSI and 7 fertilised.  There is no issue with DHs   but I think if they can't get through the shell of my egg then maybe the embryo would have trouble hatching.  At my clinic they do the AH by hand which worries me a little so I think I will only go for it if I have a few embryos as I don't want to risk damaging the embryos if we only have 1  or 2. 

I hope that everyone has had a good Easter weekend.  

Belle x


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Kt I know exactly how u feel... i feel it daily, and twice and sundays  I also feel it when my stepson is about to come visit from the states, which is soon and i am struggling inside... because he i know my husband wants and needs to have this time with him but he is here i feel so alone and have so many unfortunate thoughts, like how much of a failure my body is and not sure if i will ever feel the type of love between parent and child... i am beginning to ramble so let me stop... 

lubeloo so sorry girl, been there... i have no advise... i just kept away turns out the baby is now my Goddaughter   it took me awhile to come around, especially since she gave birth a few weeks after i got my negative and was with my friend when she had the baby... it was a tough time.

So AF finally arrived will call doc tomorrow, oops tuesday, since tomorrow is Easter Monday to see what the next step is. As long as my lining is optimal and the embies thaw we'll do the transfer in May! i am so   this works... 

I have work tomorrow so off to bed I go...


----------



## KarT

Big    jamaica, KT & lubeloo

I just came off the phone with my Mum and just about bit her head off - I'm such a stroppy moo sometimes and hate myself when I am. It was my god parents ruby wedding anniversary party yesterday. DH & I were invited but I wasn't sure I could face all their daughters babies - Mum thought it best that I body swerve it as it is baby central round there and there was no guarantee of tactfulness about our baby-less state. She had phoned to tell me about it and said 'oh, you'd probably have been fine, I just didn't want you to feel..'... at which point I butted in and snapped ' a failure?'
She was upset I said it and tried to argue which just made me argue back harder that that's how I feel.
So KT - yes, I feel it too. Just wish I could stop myself from snapping at my poor mum  

Arg. Off for a glass of red.....


----------



## jamaicababytrying

KarT     I feel your pain... don't be too hard on yur mom or yourself... i am sure she understands your pain. hope u enjoyed your red!

Hi everyone, spoke to my doc this morning and he didn't sound like the FET was going to happen in May. He is to talk to the embryologist this morning, says he thought she had told him she may not do any FET right now so lets see what he says when he calls me back! Don't really feel too positive about it.

Have a great day ladies, feeling blah off from work today so will be doing housework now. get my mind off things.


----------



## charlotte80

Hope you all enjoyed the Easter weekend and are looking forward to another few days off shortly!

KT - I know how you feel. I am feeling even more of a failure as have just found out my cousin is pregnant with her third child. She is 38 and already has two girls of 8 and 5. I think it should be my turn now.

Jamica - Why is the FET not likely to happen

KarT - I often have to bite my tongue when talking to my mum. I love her to bits but sometimes she doesn't have any idea of how long it takes to get results or go from one processes to the next or even get enough courage to do everything again. I'm sure your mum won't take it personally.

I feel I haven't been very proactive lately with sorting out my next cycle. I've had some blood tests going to try and find results out in next couple of days. I'm still waiting for AF it hasn't shown its face since 28th Feb. I keep thinkng about what if... and occasionally reach for the PG test and then tell myself don't be so silly. I keep thinking AF is coming and then nothing. Ever since i had the miscarriage in 2009 my cycle is irregular and all over the place. After the miscarriage I didn't have AF for 6 months. In that time had loads of tests but my hormones were fine. Maybe I should go to my GP again about them.


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Charlotte the only thing I can think of for them not to do the FET is that they are doing some expansion and the lab has moved temporarily so I am not sure if that is the reason... I await the verdict... kinda **** me off though cause i got all psyched up for it and now it may not even happen! Lets's see what happens.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Morning girls! 

Thank you all so much for all your replies on nightmares and feelings,   and as sad as it is, sometimes you just need to be reminded that you're not the only one who feels this way  
Thought I might have been going slightly mad   or rather... more mad!  

Jamaicababytrying- hope the doc phones you with good news hunny  

Big         to all you lovely ladies! 

Thanks again!
Ktcuddles


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Ladies,

Sounds like everyone needs a big    

I hope that everyone is feeling a bit better.  You've got to remember it's the treatment that's failed us and not us that's failed the treatment.  We will get our dream one day soon.  We Will, We will, We will.                            

KtCuddles, You're not going mad  

Jamaica, Have you heard yet whether your FET will go ahead?

Charlotte, Did you get the results to your blood tests?

KarT,   It's hard sweetie.  I'm sure your Mum understands that you don't mean to snap at her   

Just to let you all know I'm not going to around for a while.  Off on my holidays today. 2 weeks in Turkey  

Belle x


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Belle enjoy your vacation, no still no word from doc... spoke to him up to yesterday... feeling pretty crappy

Not much to report...


----------



## jack12

hi girls. just wanted to let you all know, sadly embryo is going to be destroyed 24th may at 10am. This is more painful than words to have to write   but it is what husband wants so thats that. Just feel it is such a waste and think maybe just maybe it might have worked if it had been given the chance, this now i will never know. the clinic have been fantastic and are letting me have the vial with the embryo in to bury in the soil in jacks grave. I feel this will help me come to terms with losing this precious precious embryo that sadly never even had a chance. My new man knows all about it and is very good with me so that is something atleast, although it is still enough to hurt my already broken heart. xxxx


----------



## charlotte80

Jack 12 - big hugs to you  . Am so sorry


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Jack 12- I'm so deeply sorry sweetie   my heart is breaking for you    I'm glad your new man is there for you    And so are we, really really want to give you the biggest hug ever


----------



## doddyclaire

Jack12 - so so sorry hunny, what a sad ending    I hope that you are able to find some closure in that part of your life, and move onto make a great new life with this new man, and ultimately I hope you have lots of babies with him 
Always here for you

xxx


----------



## Maisyz

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but it has to go somewhere. I just had a BFN, sort of figured it would be as started bleeding day before OTD but hey you hope etc. It's hell, I tried not to think of the embryo as my baby etc but too late, it was, two weeks of hopes and dreams and plans, two weeks of happiness then bang. The whole journey has been hell from the consultantwho said "some people just can't have children accept it" to the embryologist who described the loss of one of my precious ones as "natural selection" as I was going in for ET. Apparently I'm , too old, too old?? Have been with Dh for nearly 20 years now, not like it's just some bloke I met down the chip shop or something. Dare say I'll be bullied towards egg donation yet again though we've made it sort of clear we want our baby not just a baby. This whole journey is hell, hell , hell and guess what's worse is taht if you ever saw me in the street you'd think I hadn;t got a care in the world, the girl with the staring role in the perfect dream. Sad hey, very sad.


----------



## doddyclaire

Maisyz - sending you bigs   Sorry to read of your BFN, of course its hard, we all do think of the embryos as babies, they are our hopes & dreams.  It sounds like the staff at your clinic could do with some lessons in patient care, how insensitive and downright rude of them, I am   on your behalf!  Are you able to try again, at a different clinic?

xx


----------



## Han72

Hi just wanted to introduce myself as your volunteer and say

Jack12 -      I am so sorry honey.  I wish you all the very best of love luck and light with your new partner and hope that things will get better from now on.

Maisy - hey hon   I know you from a different board.   for the BFN hon...  Just wondered if you'd thought about getting the fibroid issue sorted while figuring out where to go next?  I had a 'broid which I was told wasn't hurting anything, went for a DE cycle and the bugger grew to the point where it WAS impinging on the womb, possibly thanks to the Estradiol I was taking to prep the womb for the DE or maybe due to the stims I took during a cancelled IVF cycle just before the DEtx... 

Love to all

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Maisyz- I'm so sorry about your BFN hunny   Its such a mixed bag of emotions we go through at every stage of the process, I think I might have not been able to hold my tongue with that consultant   I agree with doddyclaire, how rude and insensitive! Maybe you could follow your dream with a clinic that cares? 
Big  

Kt


----------



## Karen_S

Hi ladies,

I'm new to this thread but from what I've read it seems the right place for me at this point.  I'm hoping for some new perspectives.  

I went through my first IVF cycle in March and it ended up with a BFN, my period came the day before OTD. I was devastated and I think I still am.

DH and I decided to have a 3-week break from the whole "IVF"  subject and we let outselves get back into our regular way-of-life - wine, gooey cheeses, hard workouts at the gym and no worrying about conception, emrbyos, eggs etc etc. It was liberating.

However, my clininc said to call them after my next period, so we can embark on cycle #2, and although it's now the right time to call, I cannot bring myself to pick up the phone and start again.

I want to have hope, but I just feel really down and I'm totally afraid of getting my hopes up again.  

To any of you who have been through more than 1 cycle - how did you cope? what helped you?
Any words of wisdom would be very welcome.

Looking forward to being in contact with some new FF friends
Karen


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi Karen, welcome along.  Sorry to read of your BFN.  Firstly, can I just say that if you're not ready to start again, then please take longer, there really is no rush.  This is such an emotional and physical journey, you really want to be ready for it when you start again.  Take a bit longer to enjoy the dribbly cheese and wine   I've had a few months off now and its been lovely, although I am now ready to start again next month.

Please don;t be afraid of getting your hopes up again, its not easy I know, but when you're ready, you'll feel more positive at your next attempt.

Sending you  

Claire

xx


----------



## jack12

well, shall just keep this short and sweet. My chap ended things yesterday saying he had thought long and hard about everything and couldnt deal with it. We talked for hours and there were lots of tears and truths. He said he thinks so much of me but just cant take it all on. I honestly honestly feel that i am being punished in this life now and wont ever be happy. IVF is a life sentence and i feel like im in a living hell. Am so sad xxx


----------



## Maisyz

jack12


----------



## Han72

Oh hon I'm so sorry to hear that  I wonder if he's doing that flight or fight thing cos he's angry at the way things have gone up to this point and maybe if he can find a way to process that then you guys can start again 

Is there really no chance of a reconciliation? How about Relate or something like that?   

You're not being punished hon, you haven't done anything to deserve this, nobody deserves this!  It might not feel that way now but this is not as good as it gets, you can and will be happy again. A wise woman once said "it'll be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end!"

Keep coming on here and talk to us, even if you don't feel like you have anything positive to say, we're all here for you to vent whatever you need to get out there- much better than keeping it all in and stewing on it. 

Or failing that, there's a relationship board on here which isn't open to public view like the rest of the site where you can post and get support and advice. Whatever you do, please don't feel like you have noone to talk to about this. We're here for you   

Xxx


----------



## lisajb

Hello Ladies,

Had my second BFN last week, I too feel the same way its caused loads of arguments between me and hubby I tend to wonder if they understand or is it their way of getting over it all.  If I could just find something to aim for it might help me get over this.

I had a frozen embryo transfer and after my two week wait which was the 27th got up early as I couldn't wait any longer I thought this is it its got to be a positive I've had no bleeding I've had those feeling (which I know could be medication) but tested negative.

Its now nearly a week on I still haven't come on, which I think is worse I just want it out so I can start again.  I called the clinic several times and eventually they called me back............oh sorry its negative when do you want your follow up appointment?  I really haven't thought about this.  I explained that I haven't started to bleed properly only spotting and now thats stopped and they said to just wait its all ok may take up to 14 days to come on my period.

So now I'm worried has anyone else had this I don't want to get infected and loose any hope of having children.  I was taking the following medication:

Prognova 2mg -  Estradiol valerate (little blue tablets taken for HRT three times daily)
Crinone 8% inserted into the vagina daily

Should I just wait another week or speak to my doctor as the clinic have been useless....?



Take Care Ladies


----------



## lisajb

Jack,

I wished I knew what to say to you, IVF is such a cruel process for some people Its not just about having a child its what happens when it doesn't work what impact it has on your relationship things we don't even think about when going for IVF.  Its the second negative for me and my relationship has took such an impact I'm like watching myself on a film. I think I'm trying to punish myself I love my hubby but can't show it as though I need to punish him to show him the pain I'm feeling.

To me it sounds like your both hurting in a huge way and then your strong enough to sit and talk about things as you still need each other why not take a break away from the IVF scene enjoy life take some time off go away start living...........

Jack I wish you all the luck and support from the bottom of my heart


----------



## Han72

Hi Lisa and sorry to hear of your BFN  

It is true that the crinone could well delay AF, she'll stay away until your progesterone levels drop which is the worst bit of a bfn   However, can I just check was it a blood test or a peestick?  Could you face doing another test just to be absolutely sure?  I don't want to raise false hope but stranger things have happened...

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hello ladies  

Karen- I'd just like to echo everything that doddyclaire said about your next treatment. I'm so grateful for the time we've  had to compose ourselves and prepare for next tx, I know it's so difficult to know what to do for the best, but if in doubt Hun?  

Jack-   you're not being punished Hun   fait is waiting to send you the right man who will treat you as you deserve to be treated, and that's someone who will love and care for you no matter what, someone who will adore you for your strength and determination, and will reciprocate all that love you have to give   

Lisa-   I'm so sorry for your BFN hunny   it's still really early days hun, take some time to grieve sweetie, I think that men don't know how to deal with these feeling so they try to be tough men but just end up looking like male shovonists!      are you able to speak directly to
a nurse at the clinic?  I would see when your follow up appointment is Hun, but in the mean time if your worried, it's probably worth going to the docs to put your mind at rest  

Big  

Kt


----------



## lisajb

Hello,

With regards to my negative test and late period I did a home pregnancy test on the 27th April and brought one of those cheap ones yesterday to make sure and again negative.  I think if for some miracle It was wrong I've have some symptoms by now (sore breasts etc).

For all us ladies out there trying I went to visit a friend of mine she's in her 40's and was treated really bad by the IVF clinic and some of their nurses there.  She was told due to her age (being in her early 40's) she would never get pregnant and her eggs weren't up to scratch so to try donor eggs, her blood tests came back which indicated problems..................Well she is going in for a C section to give birth to her little baby.

It took her 3 months and she recommended determination and Beth Kiley's advice It's worth a try.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks Lisa   I suppose the moral of the story is ' NEVER GIVE UP HOPE'


----------



## Karen_S

Ktcuddles and doddyclaire, 
many thanks for your kind words. It is really amazing how a few replies on this site can provide such an enormous emotional lift. 
I think I was having a particularly bad day yesterday, and venting it seemed to help. I live in Germany, in Dresden, and DH and I have been going through this totally alone. Some days are just killers.
All our family is in Australia and all our friends here have children and small babies - I don't feel I can share this with them.
FF is a life-saver. Thanks a million ladies for your support.

Jack, 
it was really upsetting to read your posts and I feel so sorry about your situation. A huge cyber , adn another one , just for you.
Here's an extra one  to save for later.

lisa, 
also sorry to hear about the BFN. It can be so devastating. Hopefully AF will come soon and you can get onto the next cycle asap.

lisa, You also mentioned Beth Kiley - I stumbled across her website a while back when we were just starting TTC. Have you bought the e-book? Is it really useful? I've only been watching her short videos but wasn;t sure if her advice was helpful for IVF or only for trying to conceive naturally? Any opinions or feedback would be great.

So, just to update my latest...DH and I made our next appointment. Next week we visit the clinic again, and if all goes well, the d/r starts in 2 weeks. I'd like to say I can't wait....but the dread is taking over. Hope, however, is returning and I'm taking the plunge.
I guess it's like when you go swimming. You know the water is going to be cold and uncomfortable and you just can't bring yourself to jump in. But once you take that plunge, you just have to start swimming and you do get used to the water. ( I know there are probably a thousand"drowning" jokes to also go along with my analogy, but we'll save them for later ).

Have a wonderful afternoon everyone


----------



## lisajb

Hello Karen,

A friend and I have just uploaded the book I haven't started to read it.  My other friend conceived naturally after defeating the odds against her.  When I went through IVF the second time I had acupuncture and noticed a book which she had so I brought it its Zita West's for IVF and listened to the CD's found them really relaxing.  The book was great it took you through the process and what my hubby and I agreed on was the what women thought about IVF and what men thought it was so true.  Its a good book and I got it from Amazon.

wishing you all the very best


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Karen- I start my next cycle in 27days so not far behind you, and I have to say it's really freaking me out at the moment   I'm so nervous I've started to manicly  clean already   last time I didn't start cleaning until well into tx!   I suppose it's the fear of the known, and for me the fear of the unknown as I'm on the short protocol this time around. 
I'm feeling a little teary and emotional today and af is not helping


----------



## wicks

hi girls!

just a quick hello and   from me!  long time no speak!  hope you are all well & keeping your chins up!

extra special love to Jack right now - thinking of you hun  
 wicks xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Karen_S

KTcuddles - "freaking out" is an understatement. This is an on-again/off-again hell.  Not sure about the cleaning thing. I just retreat on the sofa and watch internet downloads of Desperate Housewives while eating cake or chocolate. Takes my mind off it all. Then I have to go to the gym to burn off all that cake 

BTW I don't really understand the short protocol process, and it hasn't been given to me as an option. I'll have to ask more about it. Next appt is Tuesday, then should start d/r the following week. Fear of the "known" is my major problem.
You just have to believe that the new treatment process this time has been chosen to be best for you and that it WILL work.
Have I mentioned on this thread yet a great CD from a company called Natal Hypnotherapy? They make CDs for every stage of pregnancy - even one solely for people on IVF. They are based in UK, and I found it really relaxing and soothing during my last cycle. MIght help calm your nerves.
DH swore it helpd and whenever I went into a "psycho" state during my last cycle, he just handed me my MP3 and made me listen to it again.

Hope you're feeling better tomorrow, and remember your emotional state is only being messed up by your hormones right now. AF will do that to you    

PS - I've also hopped over to the May/June cycle buddies thread. Hope to see you there too.


----------



## Karen_S

Me again.

Lisa, 
thanks to you too for your suggestion about the Zita West book. I'll look for it on Amazon tomorrow.
I think I'll also invest in that Beth Kiley one too. Can't hurt. 

G'night


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Karen- thank you so much   as awful as it might seem, it's nice to be reminded that your really not alone with these feelings   I'm on the June/July thread as originally I was starting in June but af has decided otherwise! No dreg for me, so we may be very close in tx ec/et  
Let me know how you're getting on when you start? 

Kt


----------



## LouH

Hello Ladies - sorry i've been absent for so long, life has been hectic to say the least, well they say distraction is good and it has most certainly made the time fly.

*KT Cuddles* - sorry you've been feeling emotional, it is imp to let it out sometimes though. Good luck for your nxt cycle, sounds like they are changing things around so I am sure you will get more positives results on the embryos and get to ET!  

*Wicks* - good to hear from you, hope all is well in your world!

*Jack12* - big hug to you hun, am so sorry for all that you are going through and a truely hope that life shines on you from now, you most definitely deserve it

*DoddyClaire* - Good luck with your next cycle, fingers crossed

*KarenS* - good luck for starting DR!

*Lisajb* - So sorry for your BFN, has AF arrived yet? I have heard of ladies who have delayed bleed post neg cycle, my next period after the neg bleed was also 9 days late so it does take a while for your system to adjust after all the drugs. Even though the clinic haven't been very supportive I'm sure their advice is thought through. If you are worried do you have a supportive doc that may do a blood test so you can see what is going on and then at least know whether it is just a waiting came or if something else is going on?

Anyone else not forgotten, positive thoughts to all. xx

*AFM* - am stimming on IVF Long Protocol cycle 2, Increased dose of menopur this time rather than Gonal F. EC/ET will be next mon/wed or wed/fri. Follicle growth has been more as expected this time, about 6 each side so fingers crossed we get a good crop and the result we want.

Lou xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

LouH- Wow! Great news for your follies    good luck with ec and et next week! Let us know how you get on!


----------



## Karen_S

Hi all,

Hope everyone is well.

Lou, great news on the number of follies. You are an egg-queen! Fingers crossed for next week. I hope everything goes well.  

Jack12 - how are you feeling today. Hope all our hugs reached you. We're all thinking of you.

KT - are you from Sydney? Couldn't help noticing the photo. I hope our cycles do coincide - its not to go through it with someone. I hope we keep in touch.

I'll share my thought for the day (which i gave the girls on the May/June thread yesterday:
_
"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain"_

Take care everyone, and chat again soon.


----------



## Karen_S

KT- just saw what i actually posted and my text got all messed up (I'm a terrible typist). It should say ..it's good to go through it with someone. Don't know how the "not" got in there....I need chocolate....


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Karen-   bless you Hun,   have some choccie for me   I'm not from Sydney, we just got married there   dh's sister and brother in law lives there so we decided to take the wedding to them!  It was cheaper to do the trip of a lifetime and get married in Sydney than doing it all here!  

Please stay in touch would be lovely to know how you're getting on!


----------



## Karen_S

KT - chocolate was consumed and enjoyed and half for you  

Love the wedding photo - great choice of location BTW. I'm a little biased - I'm from Sydney and got married with that beautiful backdrop too.

So, how are you doing today?


----------



## charlotte80

Hello ladies,
Sorry haven't been on for a few days, have been reading posts but not had time to write anything.
Am still waiting for some blood test results only had the thyroid back which is normal.
Spoke to clinic today as GP can't do one of the blood tests so I would have to pay to have it done which is fine. I also asked about a hysterscopy which consultant said I can think about having. If I wanted it done on the NHS I would have to go to my GP who would refer me to fertility department at the hospital but there is a chance i wouldn't have it done till sep/oct or I could go private and pay £2000! Anyone have a money tree   What would you do? I'm not sure if I want to wait that long or pay that much but feel with my irregular periods it would be worth it? Am just confused rught now Let me know what you think...
Speaking of periods still no sign of mine since it came before test day on 28th Feb. I keep thinking about reaching for the tests and then tell myself 'don't be so stupid your husbands had 18 months of chemo, stem cell transplant and radio'. I was going to book to see GP but couldn't get an appointment with a woman doctor this week or last week and don't want to speak to a male GP. I also keep thinking that last time IVF failed it was 70 days before I saw my period again so I have a few more days!!!
I wish life was easier and I was more normal


----------



## Karen_S

Hi Charlotte,
The money issue was a huge hurdle for me, but a very wise and close friend told me that money is only there to give you the things you want and need. So, if you feel like time is ticking and you cannot wait then go ahead and use the money for the thing you really want, your baby.
However, if you can wait, and being 30, you have time, then a few more months will not be the end of the world.
Do what feels right.
None of this is easy, and YOU are normal. It's freakin' MOther Nature who decided not to be normal to YOU!

Hang in there and good luck whatever you decide to do.


----------



## charlotte80

Karen_S - thank you for your advice DH


----------



## jack12

thankyou all so much for your love and support it really means so much. It is lovely to see some of you going forward to your next treatments and i wish with all my heart that it works for you guys. Ive got an appt with my old gynae surgeon next week with a view to more surgery to treat my endo. Having an 'active' relationship again has brought on the symptoms so need to see where im at with it all.....it never ends!!!!! wishing you all a chilled out weekend and babydust to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Karen_S

Jack12 - good luck and fingers crossed for your gynae appointment.
Your rainbow is coming - just hang in there.

Have a great weekend yourself!   

Karen


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Helloooooooo girls!  

Karen- you lucky thing coming from Sydney! It's strange but I really feel a connection with Sydney now because it's such a special place for us, and because we have family there too  
Thanks for eating the chocolate   I've really needed it this week  

Charlotte- big   sweetie   Hunny, if I had £2000 to spare I'd use it, maybe it's worth looking into if you go private do you loose the nhs go? If yes, then I would wait   hope that helps  

Jack12- big   for you too sweetie  

Afm- I'm feeling a bit more positive than I did earlier in the week  . I've been quite busy, and there's a chance of a slight change in job circumstance, which I'm quite excited about   
But need to discuss further with hubby, they say a change is as good as a rest!  
Hope you all have lovely weekends! Take care! 

Kt


----------



## lisajb

Hello Girls,

Just returned to work following my second negative cycle something I was dreading as I have to deal with people who abuse their children.  Well I work with some great people and I'm feeling quite positive now.  I very much doubt I'll try IVF again one I can't afford it and secondly I've reached 40 so got big odds against me.

A friend at work and I have the Beth Kiley book and audio disc and I tell you what I'm surprised anyone gets pregnant Its hard work but  It gives you loads of idea's and suggestions why things aren't working and it tells you ways to correct these.  Its worth ago and I can only hope.  My alternative is adoption but I'd so like a baby of my own.

I'm wishing all you ladies all the very best with your treatment and if you have any suggestions please pass them on.


----------



## LouH

Hi Ladies,

*Lisajb* - I agree there is so much advice and so many thoughts out there on what you should / shouldn't be doing - it is a mindfield!!! Good luck with your continuing journey, I really hope for you there is a way of making your dreams come true.

*KT* - Spread those + vibes and good luck with job decisions!

*Jack12* - sorry you symptoms are back even if from such enjoyment!! good luck with your gynae app.  

*Charlotte* - hope you manage to come to a decision...I agree on the £ front, what else is it for but achieving your dreams? From an age point of view, having found out my AMH is so low and I'm only 32 is a shock...I wouldn't hang around for treatment if you can scrape the funds tog as the body is an odd thing and changes quite quickly, that's just from my personal experience though, if a break could do you good, enjoy the summer and let the NHS spend the cash! (have you had an AMH?)

*AFM* - well what an emotional day!!! Once I started sobbing I just couldn't stop every time someone was kind to me. Scan was OK, 2 look ready for Monday but there are 8 following so they are going to go with Wed. I know i should really see that as good news, but at our follow up app the key thing that came across to me was stimming to EC in 13 days rather than the additional 2 i went. There is thought this additional time effects egg quality and the embryologist noted mine last time were not a great shape and of the 2 they put back in they were only at 2 cell. Just hung on to shorter stimming being key and would be a better chance so now not at that stage all the emotions have come flooding out and am dreading finding out the quality this time. Just feel that each step we go on this journey that doesn't work is one step closer to having to admit it isn't going to happen. Just never thought that something like egg quality would be the issue, something that I can do nothing about. They are going to do me first on list wed and last fri to get best view of embryo growth, also I'll ask on day of EC how they are looking shape / maturity etc if they can tell me.

I know I have DD and am totally blessed, I understand for those that don't have one already that this whole thing must be harder and you must think 'well at least you have DD', right at the mo though it doesn't make the process any easier from the point of view that my body is failing me :-(

Sorry for the essay, its been a very emotional day! (and then my car window broke and is setting me back £300 AHHHH!)

Back in on Monday for scan and bloods

Telling myself Chin up Louh, no one ever said life was meant to be a breeze xx


----------



## jack12

my mum always says stressful and bad things are only sent to those who are strong and will cope!!!!! She often spouts such things!! sounds like you are having a tough time lou h??    !!!! sendin you lotsa love xxxx


----------



## LouH

Thanks JackH - wise words from your Mum!! Thanks for your thoughts. xx


----------



## Karen_S

HI all,

KT - Good luck with the job decision. A change could be a good thing - keep your mind off things and keep you busy. Good Sydney vibes & sunshine coming at you    

LouH  - total $#%! about your car. Let this be the one spanner in the works, because from now everything else will ge swimmingly. Good luck, fingers crossed and may those other 8 grow like there's no tomorrow! Best of luck and fabulous egg wishes for you.    

Jack12 - not only do these things test the ones who can really cope - they also make us stonger! Mums can have words of wisdom - except the best mine ever same up with was "Shoulders back, best points forward". Not sure if that ever helped anything but to make me slouch more. 
BTW - how was your appointment?

Lisa - hang in there. 40 is not too old. I'm not giving up, and I had thought 40 was totally past it. I've realised it just means we are mre mature and ready to face the new world of parenthood. Big hugs and baby dust to you. 

G;night all and have a great weekend.


----------



## KarT

Hi all

Just popping on quickly to say that if you anywhere near Edinburgh this w/end some of us girls meeting up for a coffee/glass of wine on Saturday afternoon - see RIE board. Lindylou- not sure if you still checking in here so will try to PM you but thought would post here in case anyone else nearby.

Big   to all, kxx


----------



## Karen_S

Ladies, please enjoy a wine for me.
I'm all the way down here in Germany, but I'll raise my glass (of water) for you all!

Cheers.
Karen


----------



## lindylou1

Hi Ladies,

I'm so so sorry I haven't posted for so long. I have been reading when possible but just needed a bit of time out from posting.

Hope everyone is okay and a big   to all.

KarT, thanks for the invite hun, would love to come along but unfortunately this is my day shift weekend. Hopefully I can make it next time. Have fun and a couple of vino's for me! 

Lynn xx


----------



## LouH

quick *AFM*...got 17 eggs!!! Couldn't believe it as only really tracking 12 and only got 8 last time, diff drugs and higher does has obviously done the job. Keeping level headed though as high chance a lot of them may not be mature...fingers crossed for my call tomorrow though on fertilisation. Such a better experience this time, no bad pain like last time and am feeling very dopey but only mild period like pains, been chilling out half asleep on sofa and now to bed...

xx


----------



## jack12

that is fantasticle lou.........everything is crossed for you....need some good news to brighten up the board xx


----------



## Karen_S

Hi Lou

Fantastic news!     
Hope there was a raging party in the Petrie dish last night.
Fingers crossed for a successful ET.

Hope I can get the same result.

Karen


----------



## wicks

Hi girlies!
A quick AFM then a snooze. Just had 21 eggs collected. Not feeling as rough as last time (yet) so fingers crossed I'm not going to hyperstim this time. Just the first long wait now till the phonecall tomorrow!!
Love to all of you lovely snowdrops!!
Wicks xxx


----------



## LouH

Afternoon ladies,

*Jack12* & *Karens *- thank you for thoughts

*Wicks* - go girl with the egg count, fingers crossed tomorrow.   Are you on the April/May board...looks like our OTDs will be pretty similar...

AFM - 13 fertilised!!! They said 3 didn't and one did but was abnormal so a fantastic result. Again trying to keep myself grounded for tomorrow when we go in for ET...who knows what might happen to the little things overnight but we are in a much better position than last time!

xx


----------



## Karen_S

Lou and Wicks - great results! Fantastic news. Congratulations.  May the process continue to BFP!  Fingers crossed for you both.


----------



## lindylou1

Well done Lou and Wicks, fantastic news for you both. Keeping everything crossed for you both xx


----------



## jack12

fantastic news everyone, cheered me up i can tell ya!!!!    AFM went to see me old gynae surgeon privately last night. Having a diagnostic/planning operation in july and then three months of a chemo drug they use in prostate cancer, apparantly good for endo. Have used it before and it helped. Am then having a 'biggie' operation to laser alot of the crap away in november. Shall then swiftly follow that with ICSI again courtesy of my WONDERFUL parents using donor sperm. I really feel ive got a bit of a plan here now. Dreading it but i have no choice but to just get on with it i suppose. xxxxxxx


----------



## lindylou1

Jack, so pleased your appointment went well, it's good to have a positive plan in place, your ops and drugs will get you in tip top shape for your ICSI. What fantastic parents you have to help you out with the funds. I know it must be very daunting but just focus on the end result which will hopefully be a big fat BFP for you   Wishing you lots of luck hun


----------



## LouH

Hi All,

*Jack12* - wow, must feel fab to have such a plan in place..what wonderful parents. xx

*AFM*...I have 2 grade 2 embies on board and 4 frosties, they called t 11 this morning to discuss as they were already at 4 cell! Am thrilled with the result, esp as having the frosties, as altough I am sure we will get our BFP this time, a FET is a whole lot easier than full IVF if we have to go again! OTD 27th May!!!

Wish me luck...the 2ww has begun!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening ladies!  

It looks like this negative cycle thread has turned into a positive one! And that's brilliant!  

I'm so pleased to see so many of us moving forward, I'm so excited for everyone       

Good luck to all at whatever stage you're at  

    for everyone   this is our time my lovelies


----------



## charlotte80

LouH and Wicks - fingers crossed for you  

Jack12 - thats great news and so happy you have such wonderful parents  

We have a consultation appointment booked for 22nd May at London and will see what they say about hysterscopy etc. DH and I discussed it last week and said we would pay privately for it but now that we've managed to get an appointment so early to discuss next ICSI we will wait and see. Still no period, its been 74 days now. I succumbed to testing which was negative. .. but I knew that anyway but there was always a tiny bit of hoping! Thought about going to GP but can't get an appointment with a female doctor till friday and can't go during the day (the joys of being a school teacher). Last cycle it was 70 days before AF showed its ugly face again so hopefully soon. Maybe new clinic can shed some light. Have days where I feel upbeat and positive about getting back on the band wagon and other times still want to bury my head in the sand and want all this to go away and be normal.

It looks like lots of you are well on your way to starting cycles again. I would like to cycle again in august if possible as i could do it in the summer hols. 
Charlotte x


----------



## lindylou1

Lou, what wonderful news, good luck for your tww, sending you lots of   and


----------



## LouH

Thanks LindyLou....PMA all the way here!!! xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi ladies  

Hope everyone is ok? 

I'm very   off today, dh came home last night and told me that he has been called as a witness in a court case and he has to be on standby from the 14th June which is the week we are having ec, it would be sods law that he would have to go to court on the exact day   I called the clinic to see if anything could be done and all she said was if my af came when it's due , we wouldn't be able to start tx until next cycle anyway because I need to have a scan on day 2 and the clinic isn't open because it's a bank holiday!!! Now if af arrives early then it clashes with my boss being in NY and there is only me! Why is this happening to me? I'm soooooooo stressed I'm considering delaying until next cycle, any thoughts?? I'm having trouble thinking straight


----------



## Karen_S

KT - your work and yor boss are your lowest priority in your dreams to become a mother. Forget about that. Not sure what to say about the court witness thing, sorry.

When are you supposed to start d/r? or are you short protocol?

Hope you can sort it all out. Nothing about this journey is easy. Hang in there.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi Karen,   thanks for replying   I'm on short protocol, af due on the 28th which is a Saturday so day2 falls on the bank holiday Monday, and the clinic is closed   what I really need is for it all to fall into place and have EC on Monday the 13th! The only other suggestion they came up with was for dh to do his bit early in the morning of EC and then go to the court if he needed to. I'm so ready to start this cycle and really don't need this  

I'm sorry


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - Oh what a nightmare hun   not what you need.  Not sure I can suggest anything, apart from a mini pill sesh to straighten out your timings?

xx


----------



## LouH

Hi *KT* - How annoying, try to relax hun....sounds like the clinic have got it sorted saying he can go in early on the day if thats when it falls, not ideal if you are by yourself I know but surely he won't be needed that long and perhaps the clinic can be flex with your time if he is needed on that day? Hope it all works out, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.  

*DC* - How are you...coming up to your cycle in June?

*AFM* - currently 4dp2dt and am just trying to keep myself distracted! OTD Fri 27th.


----------



## Karen_S

*LOuH *- you're PUPO! Yay!. Hopefully on Fri 27th you won'd need the "UPO" anymore  Hope those embryos develop like crazy.
Good luck.   

*KT *- sounds like he clinic are trying to help - and if DH can do his part earlier in the day, then that's a good option. Just keep forging ahead and fingers crossed for you


----------



## LouH

Thanks KarenS - tick tock tick tock!!! xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks girls   I'm sorry to be so down   I'm just so fed up with my life revolving around everyone else, what about me!?!?!?!?!? Dh says he's going to phone the cps tomorrow and tell them about our treatment and see what they say   and we'll discuss it again tomorrow, I hope they are understanding. 
Anyway, sorry for my ramblings again


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Kt sorry to hear about your problem, i think if your husband tells the cps you have a medical appointment booked they could get the case adjourned maybe and they do take into account things like that.  Hope you get things sorted tomorrow and it will give you piece of mind

Sam xx


----------



## lindylou1

KT, sorry to hear you're having a stressful time of it, not at all what you need right now. If the CPS are anything like the scottish courts they don't usually get started with the days proceedings until around 10am so if the clinic could fit you in for ec first thing it might work out okay. Hope it all works out. x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Sam & lindylou- thank you so   just your comments have given me hope  

I hope you are both well? 

Kt


----------



## Samuel Jackson

No problem just hope you get it sorted and can start your treatment.

All good with me thanks, got scan Thursday to see if lining is nice and thick and fingers crossed we have fet next week with our one little frostie left in the freezer......  

Let us know how it goes tomorrow xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Sam- I will do thanks, good luck with your scan


----------



## wicks

hi girls!

sam - ive just had my one and only frostie thawed and transfered yesterday.  im not feeling hugely confident, but trying!!
hopefully our 'little last chances' will be strong superbeans!!  

to put you in the picture - none of my egg-laying from this cycle divided properly after fertilisation.    we got down to 4, which split into 2-cell, and one 4-cell, but then they just stopped...  21 to start, 0 to finish - so it certainly goes to show its quality not quantity.  its just a pain that my body is so ultra sensitive to the drugs, i always produce way too many, even on minimal doses.

apparently after the thaw my little bean wasnt as high quality as before the thaw - but i guess thats to be expected.  it was a blasto when frozen but degraded to a C afterwards.  i hope thats still good enough quality to hang in there!!  im doing the usual of course - pineapple juice, brazil nuts etc, but just need to distract myself now and keep busy.  what will be will be.   

KT - hope you can sort things out with the CPS.  sending big  

LouH - hey pupo friend!  congrats!  whens your OTD? im the 26th after a 5dfet.  fingers crossed sweetie!  

Charlotte80 - thanks for the good luck - hope the consult appt goes well on 22nd!  

Jack - what exciting times ahead of you!!  youre such a strong person and i wish you all the luck in the world!  

lots of love to everyone else...


wicks xxxxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Wicks- congratulations on being bupo!   and   

Lou- I have to apologies, I'm a bad person   I haven't congratulated you on being bupo, I'm sorry   CONGRATULATIONS hunny   and   to you too!


----------



## doddyclaire

Lou & Wicks - congrats to you both on being PUPO, look after yourselves and your beans 

KT - how are you feelin today pet?

Hello to everyone else, sorry i'm not fully back up to speed on everyone's posts, I just can't seem to catch up with all the threads!  And now back to work too   what a bugger!!!

xx


----------



## lindylou1

Wicks, congrats and sending you lots of   and   that your wee bean sticks. 

Lou, hope you are okay and surviving the tww.

KT, Hope you're feeling better today. 

Sam, goog luck for your scan tomorrow. 

big   to everyone else.

Lynn xx


----------



## LouH

Thanks for your thoughts all! xxx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Evening all

Wicks - Firstly congratulations on being pupo how exciting and thank you for the post as does give us hope, just want the chance for the little nugget to be back with me and hopefully stick around for another 8 months  

Lou - congraulations on being pupo too, like i said to wicks how exciting fingers crossed for you both xx

Lindylou - thank you for message, hope all is well with you xx

Kt - hope your hubby was able to sort something out with the cps today x

Sam xx


----------



## jack12

sending the pupo girls lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Snowdrops,

Jack, Thinking of you today.  I hope you're okay  

LouH, Good luck for Friday.

Wicks, When's your OTD?

Samuel,  Have you had your FET yet? I hope that you are now happily PUPO.

I hope that everyone else is well and sending you all lots of  

AFM - I start stimming for tx number 4 tommorrow.  4 has always been my lucky number so I am   it is this time too.  

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## LouH

Good luck Belle and lets hope lucky #4 comes up good!


----------



## wicks

hi belle!  OTD is thursday.

fingers crossed for 4th time lucky for you hun!

wicks xx


----------



## jack12

thanks for thinking of me belle. It was one of the hardest things iv ever had to do to sign to destroy my last little embie, i was actually physically sick. Ex hubby just sat there smirking as if he knew wot pain and hurt he was putting me thru. I think i actually hate him and that scares me to say it. The embryo has to stay on ice for a month by order of HFEA and then can be destroyed so i feel ive got to go thru it all again then!!!!!!!!!!!!! still, im putting it in with jack so he will look after it im sure. Got an MRI scan at 1030 today ready for my operations, so not looking forward to that. hope you are keeping well xxxxxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Jack12- huge   sweetie, your well rid of ex, sounds like a nasty piece of work   you have very right to HATE him.
 for you today and MRI scan hunny


----------



## LouH

Hi Jack - Good luck for your MRI. I had one and its really fine just a bit noisy! xx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone

Hope your all doing ok?

Jack - think your well rid of your ex your so better off without him, you will meet that special person one day im quite sure of it  

Bathbell - got FET tomorrow...... praying our little nugget stays with us on the thaw xx

Take care all

Sam xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Evening girls  

Sam- good luck with your FET tomorrow   sending you lots of      and   for you hunny


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi girls  

Hope you're all well? 

Sorry but I'm feeling a poo today   I thought I was coping with my tx being postponed but I'm really not   I feel a bit lost again   Even though I've been able to find the positives in it being postponed, my emotions are up and down, and feel like I'm being left behind, does that make sense?   I really thought that I was over feeling this rubbish   at least I had a month or 2 feeling positive. Sorry for the miserable me post, but No one else seems to understand, everyone else seems to be moving forward and getting on with things and I don't seem to be able too at the moment.  

Sorry, ktcuddles


----------



## Han72

KTCuddles - have some  to match your name   I know how you feel hon     

xxx


----------



## jack12

sending you lots of love kt xxxx its so hard to remain in good spirits all the time, especially when those around us dont understand. Just know that someone on the end of these computor keys is wishing you well and understands you too.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thank you so much Han72 & Jack12   I feel bad about moaning, sorry   I know there are others worse off than me   and I know I'll get there EVENTUALLY, like all of you other girlies here  .


----------



## jack12

it is your right to have a bad day. we are all in this living hell together babe so we support each other. xxxx


----------



## wicks

having a bad day too.  seems it was 'third time not so lucky' for me.  BFN again today  
 to you ktcuddles
and love to everyone else.
wicks xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Wicks- I'm so sorry hunny  huge   to you and dh,   sending you lots of love too


----------



## LouH

Hi Ladies - mega rush getting ready to go away tomorrow so here goes...

*KT* - Big Hug Hun to you from me and hoping the PMA I am ending gets there soon.    

*Wicks* - thinking of you, so sorry.   

Hi to everyone else, am away for the next week so after tomorrows news will be on Bberry so messages will be brief unless I can find some wireless. xx

*AFM* - I have held out and not tested early as much as I was tempted!! So tomorrow is Test Day, I've bought 2 POAS and am going to get up early doors to test so can sort myself out either way b4 DD wakes up!

I've been trying not to symptom spot as the gestone injections I am sure are the cause of all (secretly hoping they're not though!!)

I am feeling really positive but have been very emotional all week! Feel very nervous at the thought of doing the test and finding out, we have had such a different cycle to last time and to be honest if it isn't BFP I will be surprised as all has gone so well so far. PMA PMA PMA!!!

All will be revealed tomorrow!!!

LouH xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh no 

Wicks - so sorry sweetie, was quietly hoping it would be a good result for you  

KT - huge   chick, you're not alone hunny, we all know what you mean, and how you feel....

LouH - fingers x'd for tomorrow's testing 

Jack12 - I saw your post from yesterday (i think) - what a wa**er, so sorry that he turned out to be a complete ****, but I really believe that there is someone incredibly special out there for you hunny, to be a daddy to your baby in time  

Big love to you all

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

LouH-    Cant wait for you to let us know, feeling positive for you too sweetie   for you Hun  

Doddyclaire- thanks sweetie   I'm so pleased everyone is starting tx etc, but am struggling with my own emotions about it all, I wish I could just snap out of it!   I hate feeling this way.   I could probably do with a good cry!


----------



## doddyclaire

There's nowt wrong with having a damn good cry, so go for it luv xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- what would I do without you     thanks Hun   xx


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - Hope you're feelin a bit better this mornin?  Here's a   just for you 

xx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi Girls,

Wicks, I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you this time  

Lou, Hope you got the result you wanted  

Jack, Your Ex-H sounds like a right    I hope that you find the man of your dreams soon and you have lots of beautiful babies with him  

Sam,  Hope your frostie survived the thaw and you are now happily PUPO.

KT,   I know how you're feeling    My last tx was delayed so much 'cause I wasn't responding to the meds and everyone just zoomed past me.  Although I guess it was a bit different as I had already started.   the next few weeks will fly by for you  

Hi to Claire and Han  

Love to all,

Belle x


----------



## LouH

Hi All,

BFN for us again.

Lou x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh Lou   I'm so sorry sweetie     we're here when you need us hunny, love to you both  

Ktcuddles


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Louh - so so sorry sweetie   Sending you big   xxx


----------



## lindylou1

Lou and Wicks, so sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you both


----------



## BathBelle

Lou,  I am so sorry  

Belle x


----------



## wicks

so sorry lou.  sending huge hugs to you honey. wicks xxxxx


----------



## charlotte80

Hello girls, haven't been on to message for a while but have been reading what you have all been up too.

Lou and Wicks -  

Ktcuddles - I know how you feel as unsure when we are starting again as trying to work out getting tests done etc. I too feel everyone else is moving on so you are not alone.

Well appointment at london went really well. He explained everything so fully and I feel we know so much more (beginning to wonder if you find out more when you pay for it!). He thought there was an implantation or chromo problem as had 1 miscarriage and 2 failed IVF. I had a scan and he diagnosed PCO. Still no sign of AF since it reared its ugly head on the 28th Feb! He wants to do a hystersocopy - not sure I want to wait till October to have it done on NHS so finding out how much it will be in London. He wants to do some tests on day 2 or 3!!!! I asked what to do as I don't know when that will be, so he said to leave it a few weeks and if nothing then ring them back. He will also test natural killer cells too. He also recommended karyotype test so we are going to find out if we can have that done on NHS.

To top everything have just found out today my sister in law is pregnant with number 2. 

Sorry for other lack of personals but hope you are all well, the sun is one its way!


----------



## KarT

Lou & Wicks - heartbroken for you   Thinking of you and sending massive   vibes your way xxx

KT - so sorry to hear you're struggling. It must be so disappointing having to wait longer. On the upside - I'm a July girl too! Come and join us on the 'july jellies & august ice creams' thread?! It really won't be long - we'll get you through the wait  

Jack - Oh God, I just can't believe your ex DH. He sounds despicable. So glad to hear you have a positive plan for the future though you wee trooper! 

charlotte - so glad you've had a good explanation and can make a plan for the future. I too got a good explanation (my eggs were too immature apparently so I'll be on the drugs even longer next time) and felt so much better to have a reason. That's grim for you re SinL (you can be honest on here and not pretend and that's such a relief isn't it!). I highly suspect my SinL will announce no 2 in next few weeks/months - and she was the one who got pg with no 1 when I m/c so it going to be a nightmare. So I with you! 

afm - I had my baseline scan this morning and we all good to go on day 21 of next cycle! They did it early (only day 22 of this cycle just now) as we off on hols on Sat so AF will come when I away. So they sent me home with my goody bag of drugs and syringes and here we go again! Well actually - going to go on hols and not think about it then get back on the rollercoaster and back off the booze and caffeine (boooo!) when I get back!

Right I away to pack.... 

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## JulieBoo

Hi All

Apologies this is a quick me post, promise will have a read through the thread later.  I'm pretty sure I'm on target for a BFN on Monday (the 6 tests I've already done may give that away) but before it's made official I feel I need to have a plan for the future, just to help me cope.  I'd be looking at starting a fresh cycle and it will probably be the same as last time; a short protocol starting injections on Day 2 of my cycle.  How soon after a FET BFN can you normally start on your next fresh?  My FET was a natural cycle with oestrogen and progesterone support if that matters (i.e. no injections, just Decaptyl 2 days after ET).

Thanks for your advice ladies. xx


----------



## jack12

my clinic said two to three cycles before going again so the body has chance to get regular again. Please dont think bfn thoughts just yet. you have to have hope xx    for you xx


----------



## JulieBoo

Thanks for the reply Jack.


I'm still waiting for my blood results to confirm my BFN, but I'm confused.  I stopped taking the progesterone on Sunday and I still feel as though I'm about to start my AF.  Just wondering when it's likely to show?  I'm still getting (TMI!) some brown discharge, only a small amount, it's really dark and just a smudge on my panty liner really, anyone else had this?  My clinic said I only have to wait a month after my AF shows as I wasn't on any other Meds, but I'm going to give it until August and try to lose some of this IVF weight before I get ready to gain even more poundage.


Julie


----------



## jack12

i am so sorry for your bfn babe, please accept this   !!! everyone is different but your AF could take upto two weeks, i know mine was. Im in agreement with you in waitin til aug. it will give you and your mind time to heal xxxx


----------



## lubeloo

Hello Ladies
I just wanted to drop you a line to say try to stay hopeful.  I got a BFP in may which, which of course we are over the moon about. When I went for the scan the staff at the clinic were all so pleased and they told me that they are writing a paper about my treatment as my AMH is 0.07, so my chances of getting eggs was slim. I know I was a poor responder but I never really know how low my ovarian reserves were.  The moral of the story - keep positive and go for your dreams because miracles do happen!


Sending you all     and    for the future. xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Lubeloo - ahh congratulations hunny, fab news!!  Hope the rest of your pg is perfect for you xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Lubeloo-      that's brilliant news, it gives us all that little bit more hope   Take care


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

Well i was a snowdrop negative cycle and now im a spring sensation negative cycle too, tested last night and today and its a negative after a FET two weeks ago .  Life seems so unfair at times, were heartbroken x

Hope your all ok x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh Sam   I'm so sorry, sending huge huge   lots of love to you and your dh, we're always here if you need us sweetie


----------



## doddyclaire

Sam - so sorry sweetie   Sendin you huge cyber  

xx


----------



## jack12

samuel lots of hugs to you and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## wicks

so so sorry to hear your news sam...  
thinking of you both and sending much love and hugs.  it never gets any easier does it.  i dont think i can bare to go on the spring sensations neg cycle thread.  
look after each other sweetie...
lots love to everyone!  you are wonderful snowdrops!
wicks xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi girls  

How's everyone getting on? 

I'm sorry to be so negative but I really need to get this off my chest and I don't want to put a downer on the positiveness that's going on with my cycle buddies at the mo, I don't want to put a downer on here either but I know you'll understand....here goes....sorry again in advance.....I feel really pants, I've lost all my pma and as happy as I am for all the bfp that are happening, I can't help but think I'm going to be the 'one' that doesn't   I'm so paranoid that I'm not doing things right or that I'm not doing enough that I'm getting into a real state   I feel really stressed and I know it's not going to help but I just don't know what to do with myself, I don't feel well and I know that doesn't help, and I'm finding really frustrating that I'm not my usual 'horizontal' self, sorry again, maybe I should go back to basics...stop taking all the pills, and stop stressing....? Any advice would be gratefully received   sorry again


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - I wish i'd of seen this post before your other one!  Sweetheart, I think what you're feelin is quite natural, this is, again, a big step, you're on the threshold of stimming again, and last time was a real devastation.  You've had a ****e time leading up to this too, and so (IMHO) I think you're being a little hard on yourself, you don't have to be brimming with positivity, you don't even have to spend so much time on the other thread if you don't feel like it, you just have to take each day as it comes to you, not anyone else, but you.
If you gave up completely, you'd still be denying yourself the shot at what you really want, and would that make you happier??  I don't think so hun.  
Why don't you pop to the quack's, just for a check up that the headaches etc are just down to the weather/stress, book yourself in for something nice, massage, spa day, something that will help you relax, and just focus on the day to day, not the bigger picture.

God, you prob think i'm talkin a load of boll*cks, but I hate to see you unhappy KT 

xxx


----------



## ekitten1

Hi KT,


I wasn't a snowdrop but I understand how you feel. I really, really struggles after my BFN and if i am honest with myself, am still struggling but I daren't tell anyone any longer as they will probably think I should have got over it by now   


I am due to start stimms for tx number 2 in a few days but I am terrified that I am going to end up with another BFN and judging by how I coped last time, I don't know how I will deal with that. i have barely spoken to anyone for the last few days and don't feel enthusiastic about anything.


I am hoping that for us both it's just pre-stim nerves.


It's such a horrid rollercoaster isn't it? But I do know how you feel.


 I am sure that soon we will be able to find our PMA   


   for you that you get a BFP this time


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire-   thank you so much, I knew I could rely on you Hun   everything you say is right I know, I think I'm so tired trying to think about it all, maybe I need to be a bit selfish when it comes to supporting others (meaning family) I just wish that they would just think about how tense I might get with all this crap, I'm hoping my tearfulness is down to af being round the corner, I just HATE being like this   thanks again hunny,  

Ekitten-   I'm sorry you are feeling the same way, it is just so horrible feeling like this, and yes hopefully starting tx will help, I'm so worried it's not going to work again, and obsessing with trying to do the right thing that I just know I'm not relaxed and I know that I need to be, trouble is...I don't see anyone around me trying to help me do that! Once again it's all down to me! 
Like doddyclaire said...I think I might book a massage or something and sod everyone else  
Thanks hunny   and   for your bfp this time too


----------



## doddyclaire

KT - This HAS to be about you, so go right ahead and be selfish, if folks around you don't understand then step back from them, its not a permanent thing, but you need support and if you can't get it with family, take what you're getting from hubby and friends.  Please put yourself first my lovely, you deserve this chance to work out for you, and for that, you also need to be a little less bogged down with other things.
Always be here for you princess  xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thank you so much doddyclaire   likewise


----------



## ekitten1

KT - doddyclaire is so right....make this time be about you. Unless people have gone through IVF or IF, they DO NOT understand no matter how hard you try to explain it to them. When my cycle failed, people just said "Oh well, better luck next time".....as if I had just failed my driving test or something....I found it very annoying.


It's bloody awful, so if you need to be selfish then do it, if you want to have a tantrum, go ahead. They will get over it. One thing I have learned from last time is that during tx, your not strong enough to carry others and their problems, so don't even try....just put yourself first.


Hope you feel better soon and that you find your PMA for this cycle xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Ekitten- thank you so much   sometimes you just need to be told it's ok to feel like this so you don't think you're going   I already feel a bit better today just from talking to you and doddyclaire, my dh is brilliant at reassurance but I didn't get home from work until gone midnight last night, and he's out on business tonight   I don't know what I would do without you girls  
Thanks again


----------



## KarT

KT so sorry you're having such a rough time  

I totally 100% agree with claire and ekitten - you have to be selfish and take care of yourself just now. I was struggling recently and spoke to my GP - he was brilliant and said, 'I give you permission to avoid all the people and situations that make you feel worse - ignore the phone if you want to, make excuses why you can't be places you don't want to be'. Its a short term solution I know but these next few weeks are your time - so put you first and totally ignore all the other stuff.
I actually think you've been really brave and honest - you've written what we all fear.. that we will be the one who never gets that bfp. You are definitely not alone there. And sometimes I think I will scream if anyone else says those 3 letters PMA to me!!!!  And for all the happiness you feel for cycle buddies there is also that little twinge isn't there... It's a rough ride.

Here's to us all being a bit selfish this time round!!


----------



## ekitten1

Hi KarT - Your GP gives good advice   . We should all take note! 


KT - I think you are brave too, and maybe I am a bit for even posting about how hard we find this whole thing. It seems like it's ok for the first week after a BFN to be down and tearful, but after that, it's like we have to pretend to have given ourselves a kick up the   and say we are over it...when in reality we are hiding some pretty nasty feelings and bottling them up feels awful. How can we just 'get over it', when all around us there are reminders, every time we step out of the door, we walk straight past a pregnant woman or a young mother smoking near her baby's face....we are surrounded by people who don't deserve what they have and we do! Why can't we curse and get angry at how crap life can be?


My AF is due now and on Monday my next tx will probably be starting and I am terrified to the point I feel like cancelling the cycle now before it starts. Maybe I will feel different when I get started again but for now, I can't face the not knowing. I have a holiday booked for the week after OTD and I am not sure whether I am going to be going pregnant or nursing a broken heart??
I don't know if I dare to tempt fate by even typing this (I get paranoid about my thoughts these days   ) but my biggest fear is going on holiday pregnant and having an early m/c whilst we are there and wanting to come home early.     I think I am going mad   


Sorry if this turned into a 'me, me, me' post. I just needed to release some of the feelings that are bouncing around my head this morning.


KT, we can do this. If I can go into this next tx with all the doubts and worries I have, so can you...we can always come here and rant away from cycle buddies   . I am pleased that you have dh supporting you he way he is, it really does help.


Good luck to all ladies posting here, wherever you are with tx etc.....you really all are worth your weight in gold xxx


----------



## jack12

thinking of you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx be kind to yourselves over the weekend xx ive got the date thru when embie is to be destroyed, 5th july. trying to keep it together xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

karT-   hello hunny, thank you so much   I'm sorry that you've been struggling too   and i to think your GP gives great advice! so because of that I'm going to take your advice and the advice of doddyclaire and ekitten and 'give myself permission to avoid all the people and situations that make me feel worse - ignore the phone if i want to, make excuses why i can't be places i don't want to be'. BRILLIANT!   and I'll drink to 'us all being selfish this time around'  

ekitten-   bless you sweetie, you're not going mad Hun, and i know what you mean when you say that you get paranoid about your thoughts, I'm the same   i try not to think about anything to do with tx, but it all seems to be comming from my subconscious anyway!!!!  
thanks again  

jack12-   as always...thinking of you at such a hard time, i so wish i could give you a 'proper'   lots of love to you.


----------



## doddyclaire

Jack12 - What a horrid thing hunny, I quietly wondered if he would change his mind    Sending you massive cyber   sweetie xxx


----------



## jack12

think we should all have a thread 'meet' one day. Would be great to meet you all xxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh thats a fab idea!!  I'm game!! xx


----------



## jack12

rite, we will open it up then.....whose up for it? xxxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oooo!!!! Me me me!!!! I'm up for it


----------



## jack12

we,ll sort sumthing out deffo!!!!! xxxx


----------



## wildflower

hello snowdrops 
I haven't posted here before I think but I was a snowdrop. I got a bfp but then sadly miscarried at 9 weeks. 
I've been away for FF since then and just trying to live and deal with it all etc. I'm just beginning to think about getting back on that rollercoaster. It is freaking me out a bit though!


Anyway just wanted to pop here and say I'm still rooting for you guys. Doddyclaire - I see you had a lovely egg collection recently... and 2 embies put back in?! That is lovely news and I'm sending you lots of warm vibes that they are getting snug in your tum.      to you and I'm going to keep an eye out for good news from you hun in a couple of weeks time.


Kt and Jack - hope your plans are coming together and all is going well
xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Wildflower- I'm so sorry for your loss   Its totally understanderble  that you wanted some time to nurse your broken heart   I hope you Find the strength to jump back on the rollersoaster again hunny, we are always here for you, huge  

Ktcuddles


----------



## jack12

welcome wildflower!!!! sending you a big    and am so sorry to hear your sad news. please be kind to yourself. 

doddyclaire......OMG cant beleive you are on the 2ww again, im on it every step of the way in thought and sending    in bucket loads.

KT....hope you are ok hun

AFM i havent gone all insomniac, am on nites ans sitting with a cuppa now all my patients are settled. xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Wildflower - so sorry to read of your loss hunny, I hope that you are finding your strength.  It must be daunting to get back on the ride after that experience   What ever you decide, as KT says, we're always here xxx


Hi jack12!!!  Yep, back on it, this time I have 2 embies so hoping that at least one of them sticks this time!!  How are you doin sweet thing?? xxxx


----------



## jack12

hoping they are snuggling in..........me? have had results of mri...surgeon doesnt think he dare operate as its too risky as there is ALOT of bowel n bladder involvement. not sure where this leaves me, have a meeting with him 28th july so will know more then. Just never seems to go rite for me.   . xxxxxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh hunny   Wish I could wave a magic wand over you, you really deserve so much better than this....i'll keep my fingers x'd that 28th brings better news xxx


----------



## DizzyDen

Hi Ladies, 

I hope you don't mind me joining in. I had my BFN on the 27th June after my first cycle of IVF. I thought i would be ok to deal with it alone but i was wrong. My husband is really supportive however sometimes i think he gets fed up of having a conversation about IVF and the next cycle. To top it off the day after my BFN we found out my dad has prostate cancer and he's having further tests because the grade was so high the docs think its secondary cancer?? we'll only know for sure next week.  
I can't help but feel that the BFN was right for me at the moment. I don't think i could have been pregnant and give my family the support they would need. Especially after past miscarrage. I wonder what type of baby i would have if it was surrounded by so much upset. 
Although i tell myself this it still hurts like mad. My 21 year nephew called up yesterday to tell me his 18 year girl friend is pregnant and she's having a girl. I surprised myself how convincing i was when i said i was happy for them!! 

Sorry to lumber you with all this but it feels good not having to hide my real feeling.

Thanks for listening xxxx


----------



## luckyinluv

Jack12 - so sorry to hear your news, huge hugs for you.  Sometimes I wander just how things like this can happen to such good people.  Sending huge hugs and positive thoughts your way for the 28th of July     


Dizzy - I am so sorry to hear of your BFN, I got mine on the 28th of June, it is such a shock when it happens, there are all sorts of stages of grieving to go through and many people around us don't realise how much it affects us all...and seem to expect us to simply pick up and carry on!

I find the hardest aspect to this is our complete lack of control, we can put in all the effort and do the right things and be as perfectly healthy as is humanly possible and still come out with nothing....where else in our lives have we encountered something as dependant on 'luck' or 'fate'.

DH's are affected too but they don't have the physical/hormonal aspects to deal with, like we do, as well as the emotional side.  Also if yours is anything like mine he cant talk about how he feels and talk and talk and talk is all I want to do.  At the end of my first two cycles I found myself thinking that my DH's stoicism meant he didn't care as much as I did.  This time I realised during one of my 'sob/rant sessions' that while he was holding me his lovely strong arms were trembling and I heard real choked up emotion in his voice while he tried to comfort me.  They cant communicate like we can but I think we just have to remember that the fact they go through these horrible ordeals with us each time shouts louder than anything else how they feel.  

As to the baby on the way, I have just endured my DH's daughter getting pregnant by her boyfriend of 2 months, I thought it would kill me but it didn't I am still here stronger than ever and still fighting.  I still die a little inside when I watch my hubby pick up his grandson with such tenderness on his face so I know exactly how you must be feeling Dizzy...no words can really comfort, can they?    

I wish all the best for all of us in our next steps on this journey and comfort myself that we are all quite special people to endure what we have and still pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start again


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Dizzy-   ..I'm so sorry you had a bfn this time hunny, and im so sorry for the news of your dad too   you're certainly not 'lumbering' us with anything, that's what we're here for   give yourself and dh time to grieve and when the time is right I'm sure you'll be back on the roller coaster! Try not to be too hard on yourself sweetie, we're all here for you good and bad 

Luckyinluv- I'm so sorry for your bfn too hunny,  Huge   to you sweetie, you speak the words we all feel   and as I said to dizzy...we're all here for you good and bad   take care of each other.


----------



## jack12

hello all, 

doddy.......am sending you loads of sticky vibes and   energy!!!! I am hoping sooooo much this works for you. 

kt....where are we at with all of your bits how are u feelin

luckyinlove.....thanku hun for your kind words, i think i posted to you on another thread also.

dizzyden....my heart goes out to you, im so sorry to hear about your dad also. I know the feeling when you think that all there seems to be is something to knock you down again. sending  xx

AFM i have got to go to clinic tomorrow to destroy the embie....needless to say ex wont be there. I have decided to collect and bury it on my own as i just feel my family n friends are feeling i should be moved on by now and they fed up of talking about things. Feel very teary today and am longing to just sit n talk about it and jack, feel im going to yet again be burying my dream again tomorrow. think of me at 2pm tomorrow. sorry to be so down. xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Jack12 - Oh hunny, there's no statute of limitations on emotions hun and i'm not surprised you're still feeling raw, life has dealt you a ****e hand and then your ex went and gave you another 2....  Will you be putting your embie in with Jack?  I'll definitely be thinking of you, wish I could be there for you, and give you massive hugs sweetheart xxxx


----------



## annairb

Hi guys...I'm so glad you’re still here. I was a snowdrop and a lurking darling buds of May. I've tried staying away from FF for the second round of ICSI as I thought I'd try a different tact and try not to obsess and chill out a bit. It worked well, really well up until the 2nd week of the 2ww. I was having acupuncture and zita west cds and was SSSSSOOOO much more positive then the first round!

My story... 
•	dh- testicular cancer= low sperm count....3 were found in his SA
•	time off work, depression
•	Me- low amh (4.2) poor responder
•	ICSI- 5 follies, 4 eggs, 2 fertilised both grade 3 with fragments
•	AF arrived day 9- devastated
To be honest, looking back it was hardly surprising as I was in such a dark place. Clinic said that my result was good considering all the factors. They said not to get our hopes up for the same result again and that we may have to look at egg donors- crushed!  So had a few months to get to normal and then went for round 2.
•	5 visible follies
•	9EGGS!!! 5 FERTILISED!!
•	3dt, 2 developed but were both grade 3 fragmented again.
•	AF never arrived ....hopeful!!!
•	BFN on OTD
We found out on Thursday, rang the clinic and they said to stop taking the pessaries and now I’m having the worst period of my life!
I’m currently sat at my desk at school, desperately trying to hold it together until 3 when I can escape. Everyone at school knows what I went through and so I’m getting lots of pats on the shoulders and ‘it will get better’ one of my best mates has just come back off maternity leave. It’s her 1st day back and she came to tell me that she is pregnant with number 2. She is 38, I’m very happy for her and I understand that she wanted to tell me before I heard it from someone else. But today of all days.... My eyes are so swollen from the amount I have been crying! Am lucky that I have 2 free periods today, so have been hiding.
The thing is, over the weekend I was doing ok. I’m sure I have given myself alcohol poisoning. I’ve taken to numbing myself with it. I went to a festival to take my mind off of things. I was with friends and we had a ball! Massive water fight, fun and laughter and the weather was fab. But at night I can’t sleep, I am sooo tired! So a lovely weekend with obvious ups and downs, but I was busy so it was ok....
It’s when I stop, when I’m on my own, when I allow myself to think, when people try to make me feel better and it just feels worse. And because everyone knows, and everyone has done their ‘there there’ sympathy etc it’s like thats it...back to normal, buck up etc. And you’re supposed to carry on. I’ve thought about going home....but what would I do there? I have to work, you have to get on, and I know that. But how do you stop the tears and the brain ticking?
You know there is so much more I could write, but I have a class in 15 mins and have to pull myself together. You’re probably tired of my ranting anyway. Thanks for listening; I’ll read back through posts later. I actually feel a bit better for furiously typing! xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Annairb - my heart really goes out to you, you poor thing   Keeping it pent up really is the worst thing, so if typing away furiously to us helps, then you go right ahead, we won't stop you!  
I think you already know there's no quick solution to healing after this, it does take time, and i'm sure you also know that the pain and grief get better with time too.  There's no real consolation for the here and now though is there.....you have to make it through each day, whatever crutch you use, a drink in the evening, or happy days with friends, but the trick is to get through each day, one at a time.
How does your DH feel?  Is he giving you plenty of cuddles each day?

No matter what, we're always here xxx


----------



## wildflower

hi annairb I remember you from the snowdrops thread.


So sorry that ICSI round two didn't work out for you    . You got a really good number of fertilised eggs which is great news. I bet that doesn't feel like much of a positive at the moment though.


That is such bad timing too finding out about your friend on no.2. I think such announcements should be made just as you are on your way home so you can cry by yourself and deal with it. I find once I cry and deal with it I'm all ok again and can be happy for them.


I am so with you. What you describe is I think what we are all going through. The sadness never fully goes away. We can forget for a moment and have really good times and enjoy life but in quiet times that sadness can just bubble up again. I've been through huge ups and downs since the mc, having really fun times and really sad lonely times. I sometimes even have almost felt ok with the possible-future-with-no-children and that has contrasted with just a few weeks before having the fear and excitement of actually being, briefly, pg. 


I had to take a day of sick a couple of weeks ago because I was sat at my desk really struggling to hold back the tears. I went and cried in the toilet a bit but it didn't give me any relief. Once I was out of the office and round the corner I burst in to tears in a people-stare-at-you-across-the-street way and just cried for hours all the way home until I fell asleep. That was two months after the mc and really took me by surprise. So there is no time limit on the dealing with this stuff. It just takes as long as it takes and your friends and colleagues will (or at least should) understand that. Don't hold back those tears!


Take pleasure in the small things in life. Crying at a lovely movie. Laughing with friends. Getting ****** and silly. Music, flowers, a lovely new dress. These are all things that made me feel like living rather than hiding in the dark. But there has been quite a lot of hiding as well. 
I've been trying to get my **** in gear, i've done a bit of running which isn't really me but I think I quite like it. I've also been trying to lose weight - that is NOT going well!


I'd just like to say here - it might seem like if I got a bfp once I will again and next time it will stick. Well maybe, hopefully, that is true but I only have a third of an ovary left so I don't get many eggs for each round of ivf and the severe endo I have probably adds the risk of further mc so right now it is not feeling very likely! 


I've just reread and I sound like I'm a really tearful type girl. I'm really not! But that is what this process does to you.


I hope everyone else is ok. Jack, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow  . You'll be along but you'll have our thoughts with you so your aren't entirely by yourself. 
xxx


----------



## BathBelle

Hi lovely snowdrops,

I probably shouldn't be posting on here now, but I just wanted to let Jack know that she's in my thoughts.

Jack,   I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I wish I was there with you and could give you a proper hug  

Annairb, Lots of   for you too.  I wish that there was something I could do or say to take your pain away  

Luckyinluv and Dizzyden, I'm so sorry you got BFNs  

Wildflower, I'm so sorry to read about your MC    I hope that you soon find the strength to start tx again.  I'm loving the name change by the way, although I still know who you are as you kept your picture the same  

 to Claire and Kt.

I'm really   that it will work for you all next time.

Jack - Let us know how you get on tomorrow and we are all here for you if you want to rant and rave or cry or whatever  

Belle x


----------



## wildflower

BathBelle it is so lovely to see your good news massive congrats and    for you! That is really good to see this morning and really encouraging   


And nice spot on my pic   , yep i changed my name as harissa just didn't really feel like me. 
We've got an appointment in a month to talk about what to do next so I am slowly slowly moving towards the next step.
xxx


----------



## rosebud_05_99

hi there
i just got my bfn today after my 7th cycle, im just so tired of this now, ive been ttc for 16yrs and it never seems to be our turn.
rosebud


----------



## luckyinluv

Jack - my thougths will be with you today at 2pm, so sorry hun, Sometimes life just doesnt make sense    

To all the rest of us bearing up and trying to get on with 'it' as we contemplate the next step


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hello girls  

Jack12- thinking about you today my sweetness, huge   & Im good thanks, I started stimming yesterday, taking each step at a time  

Annairb- I'm so sorry hunny, How awful for you   we all comfort ourselves in different ways, and you should do what you feel you want to do, just take take care, as doddyclaire said lots of cuddles and   will help the healing process  

Wildflower- huge   to you sweetie, what amazing words  

Rosebud- Huge   to you too sweetie, I really can't imagine what you must be going through, have they had any idea from previous cycles as to why it's not happening? We're here for you if you want to chat or have a rant   be kind to yourself hunny


----------



## jack12

thankyou all for being there for me, it means so much. Well, i got through it but at the moment i am just feeling almost unbearable sorrow. May god forgive my husband for putting me through this because i know i cant. The clinic were so very respectful and were all very quiet when it was being destroyed. They gave me the vial in a beautiful little box and treated it with such dignity. It is now buried safely with jack and sadly all my dreams. I never thought id feel pain again like when i lost jack but this sure comes close. I tried to be brave and not cry but the tears just fell and am sure will do for a good few days. I could feel each and evey one of you around me and thank you all so much, you really are wonderful wonderful people. Anne xx


----------



## nessiebro

anne i am so very sorry for what you have had to go through today, the tears are rolling down my face just reading your post so i can not even begin to imagine how you must be feeling.
lots and lots of          to you in this hard time
michelle xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Anne- I'm so sorry for all the pain you are going through, I wish I could make it all better, for now though, I am thinking of you and shedding a few tears too, you are such a wonderful person, kind and loving and I really hope that one day you will still get your dream of a family with someone who truly loves and adores you for the amazing person you are, we'll all be here for you, lots of love and hugs. 

Katy


----------



## annairb

firstly- Jack my heart goes out to you   

I'm sorry

Im sat at my desk again during a free period and I'm balling! Ive avoided eating lunch with my group of friends as I don't want to put a dampner on everything and my friend has just announced her happy news of number 2. I went up yesterday but had to sit there listening to them all talk about babies.
Now my second in department who has been a bit funny with me recently has just told me she is 5 weeks pregnant (what I think I would have been). To come back to work after a BFN ...it just seems like I'm having my face rubbed in it! I held it together and told her how happy I was etc. Turns out that all the lunchtime group know and they have just walked on eggshells around me.
My head is banging, I just really dont know how people get on with it. I just have to keep telling myself that I am, I'm going to school, I'm getting up, I am doing it even though I want to crawl up in some dark hole and hibernate until I know what the future holds. I wish I could just glimpse 5, 10 years ahead, just to see that I'll be ok.
Now I will have to sit with my 2 pregnant friends talking about morning sickness and my other friend who will be trying for number 2 soon. I've found myself having such venomous nasty thoughts.
Life sucks!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Annairb-   I don't know anyone in our situation who wouldn't feel the way you do about everything that's going on around you at the moment, if they all know then they'll have to understand how you feel, when these situations have arisen with me I detach myself, I suppose it's self protection, and I've tried to avoid situations that make me feel worse. TBH it's you and your feelings that matter hunny    Its still early days and you are still grieving, be kind to yourself and do what YOU want to do and what makes YOU feel better   always here for you Hun


----------



## ANGELA29A

Sorry havent kept up with this thread since i was a snowdrop in FEB, we are now hoping to start 3rd tx in August, so thought id pop on and say hello, anyone else cycling in august??
Hope there is not so many on here and you all have your BFP, and for the rest of us hope we all find our pot of gold at he end of our rainbow very soon. xxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

So is there a special term for me now??  Do I become a double neg?!  LOL!!  Another BFN under my belt, am building up a collection, but one I don;t really want.....ho hum

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- my beautiful, wonderful doddyclaire   I'm so sorry, I'm  truly devastated for you and dh,  I really thought this was your time hunny, you deserve so much to be a mummy as does everyone who longs for a child as much, you are such a special person and I know your dream will come true for you, sadly some of us have to work harder for it than others   I wish I could take away the pain that you must be feeling right now, I'm ALWAYS here for you my lovely   take care of yourself and dh, 
Lots of love,

Katy


----------



## doddyclaire

Thanks sweet thing, this time tho it HAS to be you - no pressure!!  LOL! xxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Bless you   we'll have to cross everything for that! LOL!


----------



## hennups

Hmmm, I'm back too. Still numb from the news this morning that none of our eggs fertilised. apparently this is incredibly rare in ICSI cases but the egg quality was just not good. Such a shame because DH's sample was 'normal' after 4 years of it being poor morpholgy. Just not gonna work out is it?

trying to get my head around the next steps. Just want them to shove me on clomid and send me on my way, if DH's sperm is gonna be up to the job! It's just my crappy eggs now!

Doddy - thank you for your message, it's just not fair that we're both here again. :-(


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone,

Long time no speak, well feels like it, ive been reading now and then but not posting sorry and just come back on Monday from a weeks hol which was fabulous.

Doddyclaire and Hennups so sorry its not worked out for you this time, its sucks when you get a bfn, but one day you will both get a bfp and all this heartache will be worth while (if that makes sence)!  Lots of   to you both, easy to say i know but keep strong and fingers crossed you will both get there xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hennups- my lovely   I am so sorry that it didn't work for you this time, As I said to doddyclaire...you will get your dream one day I'm sure of it, don't give up hunny, I know it's really tough right now and I really wish I could take away the hurt and pain that your feeling   be kind to yourself and take care of each other  

Lots of love 
Katy


----------



## jack12

doddeyclaire....there are no words that will make anything any better. you and dh are in my thoughts. Im beginning to wonder whats happening these days. sending you LOADS of love xxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Thanks Anne, I think i'm ok actually, its easier 2nd time round....that sounds wrong doesn't it...of course I am devastated but I know that I will feel better, which is making me feel better now, (if any of that maks sense - well done!!!)  I've booked in follow up but can't get in til 23rd Aug. going to see GP this arvo about immune testing, and what/if they'll do any of.... feel like i'm going to take this next one a bit more into my hands, keep hearing about DHEA so gonna look into that too.

Next round will be our last attempt, so I need to know that everything possible is being thrown at it, if someone tells me hanging upside down will help  - i'll give it a go!!  I need to know also if it IS poss to reduce FSH, as mine is fairly high....

Hope you're keeping well sweetheart xxxx


----------



## jack12

thinking of you tomorrow KT. please let us know how you get on babe. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Rachel my luvly peahead  

Over the next few days & weeks you're gonna feel all sorts of emotions, and most of it will be unpleasant, its all part of the grieving/healing process.  Give yourself time, and make sure you both squeeze plenty of hugs from each other, shed lots of tears and have a glass of wine.  There's no right or wrong about how you'll feel.  You just gotta let it come, and go.

That sounds so lame, sorry.

Giving you a big ole hug

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Jack12- thank you hunny, I will let you know....  how are you holding up Hun?


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- hey babes


----------



## doddyclaire

Hi chick

Our Rachel posted in here, then must have deleted her post....hope she's ok, well, as ok as can be 

Will be thinkin of you and your magic eggies tomorrow lady 

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh bless her, I am worried, I hope she's ok  

And thanks Hun


----------



## beans33

Hi can I join? I've just had my 2nd BFN and I joined the other neg chat but not many people on it! Sorry that the same thing has happened to you all too and hope we can jeer each other on for our next tx's. Follow up tomorrow. Xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hello beans , of course you can join us, I'm just sorry it's under such sad circumstances   I'm so sorry that it didn't happen for you this time sweetie, I really hope you get all the answers that you need tomorrow, feel free to open up here....no holes barred


----------



## beans33

Thank you KTcuddles! Feeling ok at the mo just looking forward to chatting with my dr about why it went wrong. X


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone hope your all doing  

Beans hope your ok sorry to hear your news, get lots of cuddles from your dh and be there for each other  

Just seen your signature Ktcuddles that your in for egg collection tomorrow, good luck to you and hope you get some nice juicey ones xxx

I started the pill nearly two weeks ago now and having injection tomorrow on top of it and baseline scan Tuesday and all being well starting injecting then, only just come off holiday so its come round real quickly, exciting but scary at same time x

Love to everyone 

Sam xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Beans- Let us know how you get on hunny  

Samuel Jackson- Wow....it's great that you've started another cycle...and to be half way through already! We seem to wait such a long time for things to start happening and then suddenly it's there! Good luck sweetie, keep us posted   and thanks for the luck...really feel I need it in bucket loads, I'm absolutely pooping myself, not about EC, but the news afterwards   I'm just   we get some embies this time


----------



## LouH

Hi Girls...sorry i've been so quiet, lots of thinking has been done and a bit of time out.

Not for long though! I am PUPO again, of my 4 frosties they went through 3 to get me 2 grade 2, one 8 cell and one 6 that were transfered today...not sure what that makes me exactly but OTD is Tuesday 2nd August.

So 1 frostie left but fingers crossed we won't need it!

Will get more into personals again just dipping my toes in so to speak but must day...

*Doddy Claire* - So sorry for your news, I know how it feels second time but am a firm believer in 3rd time lucky!!

*KT *- good luck for EC...fingers crossed for you for a good healthy crop!

Hello to everyone else old and new. xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

LouH- hello! Congratulations on being PUPO   I hope and   this is your time, good luck hunny and keep us posted, and thank you for the luck Too!


----------



## beans33

KTcuddles hope the EC went well today! Xx

Catch up later as off to see consultant!


----------



## jack12

hi to some old names coming back, its great to hear from you all. Just popped on to see how you did today KT. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hello wonderful ladies  

Jack- bless you   I got 7 little eggies! Yay me   5 more than last time! 

Beans- how did it go with the consultant?


----------



## LouH

KT - that is a fab result!!! fingers crossed for positive fertilization news tomorrow. xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

LouH - Congrats on the PUPO status!!!  Well done 

Hi Anne    Hope you're ok 

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hello girls! 

Quick update...out of 7 eggies, 6 were injected, and out of those 6....5 fertilised! It's truly amazing! Will get a call tomorrow to decide when they will be put back, could be Sunday or wait for blasts on Tuesday! 

Love to everyone 

Katy


----------



## doddyclaire

So pleased for ya Katy, that is fab news 

xxx


----------



## LouH

Katy - that is THE best news!!!


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks girls   we're 'keeping it real' as they say, while all around us there's excitement...in our house it's unusually calm! 

Doddyclaire- huge   poppet.

LouH- some more   for you sweetie


----------



## jack12

thats fantasticle news matey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   and   and  for you....keep us updated...xxxx

helloooooo doddy xxxx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone

Yeah its the weekend yepeee...

Kt thats fabulous news, really pleased for you, go girl, goodluck for when ever they decide to put them back, you will soon be pupo yeah.. xx

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Have a lovely weekend all xx

Sam


----------



## ANGELA29A

hello ladies  
Tuesday is creeping up fast for our appointment to confirm if we are starting 3rd cycle 2nd august, trying to stay positive and have a bit more relaxed attitude this cycle. 

Had an awful last day at work, spent the afternoon     great start to the summer hols not!!!! glad ive 6 1/2 weeks off, to get over it......


----------



## doddyclaire

I'll keep my fingers x'd for ya Angela 

Just back from seeing Scissor Sisters @ Newmarket - OMG they were awesome!!  And I tell ya, that Jake has a bod to die for......I do believe I wet my pants just a little bit   


Nite girlies 

xx


----------



## ANGELA29A

Thanks doddy claire:0)) 
Glad you had a good night.xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Angela- bless you hunny   Good luck with your appointment on tuesday, and fx for starting again


----------



## ANGELA29A

Thanks KT, have you heard how eggs are doing??.x


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Angela- Yes we have! Still got 5 embies still dividing, but 3 are slightly better   they are now goin to phone tomorrow morning to let us know when transfer will be


----------



## beans33

Well done KT that's brilliant news! I need to catch up but saw your post. X


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Thanks beans   how you doin' hunny? Quiet on here tonight!


----------



## jack12

waiting for news KT XXXXXXXXX


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

My apologies for being slow on updating!  

Hi Jack! I am officially PUPO! 2 embies on board as of yesterday!  

How's everyone doing?


----------



## ANGELA29A

Congratulations on being PUPO, KT.xx


----------



## KarT

Congrats on being pupo KT! Fab news!    

quick afm - just pop on here every now and then to see how you all doing. I due in for ec on weds! 9 follies and doc says to expect 4-5 decent eggs. here we go again.....!!! xx to all


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

KarT- hi hunny, good luck with EC on Wednesday, I'll have everything crossed for you!   lots of


----------



## doddyclaire

KarT - Hiya!!  Good luck for EC Wed, will be thinkin of ya xx

Hey KT, hows the resting goin?!

Just met the Suffolk thread girls for lunch, was great to put faces to names and chat about all things IF related to people who know what its like, shame we're all not a lot nearer for a meet up 

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire-   hello babe! So far the resting is going ok....not sure how long I can do this for before I go   but I did promise dh I would do as he says! He's completely planned out my two weeks, love him   I suppose it's his way of helping and being involved   
It's nice that you could get together and have lunch with the Suffolk girls,  Maybe we should find somewhere in the middle of us all?! 
How are you bearing up? Was it today you had your test done?


----------



## doddyclaire

Bless him!!  Thats good 

Yep blood was taken this morning, 6 tubes!!!  I thought I would fall down after that lot but no, it was fine.  Should get the results next week, and i've ordered some DHEA to try as well.  Might as well go for everything possible eh!!

xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Absolutely my love,  All or nothing!   6 tubes! Blimmey! Hope you treated yourself to something nice and sweet for dessert at lunch...any excuse  let me know how you get on with results hunny


----------



## catt0403

thought i had an implant bleed yesturday(day 8 ) not to be bled has got heavier today so looks like my dream has come to an end


----------



## ANGELA29A

Catt have you been in contact with your clinic/ hospital?? Seems a bit early for AF, dont give up hope, hun, i know its very hard, when you start to blled, but many have and ended up with a bfp.

Doddyclaire where did you order your DHEA from?.x


----------



## jack12

am being dim....wots dhea?


----------



## doddyclaire

Angela - agestop.co.uk, i've gone for 25mg, there's diff doses on there though.  Interesting to see they sell it in packs with melatonin also, as I was advised to try that last time and i'm sure thats what led to a few more eggs....

Jack12 - Hi gorgeous!!  DHEA is a natural hormone that promotes egg quality & quantity, but naturally drops off in our systems in our early 30's.  As i've had probs getting eggs, i thought i'd give it a whirl  

Catt - I agree with Angela, its too soon for AF, call your clinic hunny.

/links


----------



## catt0403

still bleeding day 9 since transfer. told to carry on with hormones and test on saturday.
trying to prep us both for the bfn


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Catt- huge   sweetie,   for you, lots of love


----------



## ANGELA29A

Thanks claire for info, I was told today that if you have a poor egg reserve, then DR for too long can make less eggs, wondered if this has contributed to our low eggs on high doses!!!!, wish i'd been told on 1st cycle!!!
Catt, hugs.xx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone

Hope your all doing ok?

Kart good luck with ec tomorrow, hope you get lots of nice juicey egss  

Kt congratulations on being pupo thats great news, hope your just having a relaxing two weeks  

Catt hoping it is just implanting bleed, you never know like others have said on here it could well be sending you lots of  

Had my baseline scan today so started injecting, exciting but scary at the same time, praying we get some nice little eggies at the end.

Sorry just a short post but lots of   to you all 

Sam  xx


----------



## KarT

Hi all
Just wanted to let you know we have 5 embryos this morning! In for ET on Saturday    
Hope you all well xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

KarT- thats great news hunny! 5 little embies   good luck for saturday!


----------



## doddyclaire

KarT - way to go!!!  yay for your 5 

Hi Sam, how's the jabs going?

KT - still keeping your feet up I hope


----------



## jack12

well girls. Ive been to see my surgeon tonite and we have a plan!!!!! Im having a lap in 4wks then follow that by some hormone treatment then a big op to 'clear' the endo(which has sadly worsened) and then ivf with donor sperm in ?jan. Im scared, excited, apprehensive etc...........................Its really happening again. I have got the most wonderful mum n dad, they are paying for all my treatment. xxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Jack- OMG! that's wonderful news      I'm so excited for you!!!!! Congratulations! What wonderful parents you have    

Samuel Jackson- how ya doin' hunny? 

Doddyclaire- Hows things babe? I had 3 days with my feet up   have done a little more today, dh said I can build up slowly


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

Jack - thats fabulous news, really really pleased for you, you deserve another chance and fingers crossed it will be your time   You do have fabulous parents xx

Kart - congratulations on your 5 embroys thats great news, good luck for the et Saturday just in case i dont come on tomorrow  

Kt/doddyclaire - im good thank you, jabs are going well too - kt glad your relaxing and youve had your feet up for a few days. Doddy are you starting your treatment again soon?

Send lots of hugs to you all xxx

Sam xx


----------



## doddyclaire

Jack - so so so happy for you sweetpea, this is deffo your time hunny, and you deserve it.  I could kiss & hug your parents for you 

I tried today to get my follow up appt bought forward but there's no way   still another 4 weeks away, seems so far.  Pick up blood tests results tomoz, not sure what I do next if nothing shows up??  Wanna get going again!  LOL!!
Been sick today not sure why, feelin bit better now.  Rambling on  

KT - Glad you been taking it easy chick 

xx


----------



## TonTon (B9TJO)

Hi Ladies,

Hope you don't mind me gate crashing but just needed to talk to someone.  Just got my first BFN result and i am gutted.   

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Tonton- I am so sorry for your sad news this morning, the pain is crushing I know   like you said on the other thread, you just don't prepare yourself for if it fails first time...it doesn't seem to be an option does it. I know this is so painful, and you will grieve with dh, cry, get angry, take some time out, be selfish and concentrate on you and dh, rant and cry and moan as much as you like here, we are all here for you and understand totally how you are feeling. In time you will find the strength to have another go with your little frosties, the pain and the thoughts will ease but never go away, thank god we have ff and I truly don't know where I would be without this particular thread even now, they truly are an amazing bunch of girlies and so very supportive   like I say feel free to say whatever you like hunny, no holes barred here   lots of love and hugs

Katy


----------



## TonTon (B9TJO)

Aw Katy, that is such a lovely thing to say - thanks you   

I am crying my heart out, going to the clinic this afternoon to see where i go next as i need to plan these things.  I'm a PA so bit of a control freak!  

Thankyou for your kind words - you have made me feel a bit better.  

xxxxxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Tonton- I had a little tear with you   if it's one thing I've learnt from all this it's that we are all control freaks and it makes it so much harder that this is something that's  totally out of our control  . Hope you get some kind of plan to help you move forward even if it is just a little bit, let me know how you get on sweetie


----------



## doddyclaire

Tonton - so sorry hunny, really feel your pain   It does get easier but you have to let out a whole load of tears and pain in the process  


My level 1's came back as fine, nothing out of the ordinary....so bit buggered now 

Hope you're all ok

xxx


----------



## KarT

tonton - so so sorry for your loss and thinking of you today   It's great you can go to clinic so soon for follow up and fingers crossed put in some plans for the future.

KT - glad you relaxing  

Doddyclaire - God it's so frstrating isn't it. Though good there's nothing out of ordinary in a way?xx

Rollercoaster here - they called yesterday to say we actually ahve 6 (hurray!) but this morning to say they not the fastest developers. There are 3 looking ok. This is torture. And DH and I STILL discussing the old 1 or 2 debate. Arg. Anyway - we'll see what tomorrow brings xx


----------



## KarT

Oh God Jack - meant to say that is amazing news!!!! So so happy for you and bless your wonderful parents!


----------



## LouH

Jack - wow that is wonderful news, so pleased for you.

TonTon - So sorry for your news, fingers crossed your app gives you the answers you need. Big Hug.

KarlT - PMA to you for your torturous wait!!! Good Luck. xx

DC - hope results are all as should be. xx

AFM - am just about keeping sane, dont think its worked though as had AF type pains since ET. Doc friend did point out the gestone dose would do that but just do not feel preggers.  

xxx


----------



## TonTon (B9TJO)

Thanks ladies, you are all great.

I need to get some kind of plan in action as i am not one for sitting around, i need to stay active and keep going otherwise i go mental!   I am far too thoughtful for my own good - not good sometimes.  My lovely hubby has been great but poor chap has to put up with me which he needs an award for!


You have all made me feel so much better-  thank you.

Wish there was a face to face support group in the Bath area  - does anyone know of one at all?

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Tonton- is there a thread for your area? ....you maybe able to read through and find some other girls in the bath area that would like to meet up   ask on the buds and blooms too, I'm sure there's a couple of girls from bath, They were talking about it yesterday  (I think   )


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Tonton- just noticed emeraldlite is from bath!


----------



## ANGELA29A

Jack fab news.xx
Tonton- So sorry hun, like KT cuddles said, you expect the 1st time to work and dont expect it to fail.  Only way I coped was ringing clinic and sorting out follow up and next cycle.
Doodyclaire- were they immune blood tests you had??.
KarT, good luck with the news tomorrow, we didnt get a choice told 2 embies transferrred.x


----------



## KarT

Hi Girls

Been a long morning - but I am home... with 2 embies! I can't believe it!  

We have 1 9cell grade 3 (4 being the best ) and 1 5cell grade 3. Dr Thong and embryologist were brilliant - they let DH barrage them with questions about the health risks and likelihood of twins. They said it's highly unlikely we will end up with twins. Obviously worried about that as they can't think my embies are that great. However I do feel we have made the right decision.
I was so proud of DH for being so careful and thoughtful about our future babies!He's a funny one - typical man, rubbish at talking about his feelings, but good to know he does care about these embies as much as me really!

Hope you all doing well xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

KarT- great news! PUPO! yay   good luck with the 2ww hunny


----------



## doddyclaire

KarT - Yay!!  Well done hunny, now get plenty of rest  xx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Well done Kart on being pupo thats great news, you take care of yourself my love xxxx

Hi to everyone else, sorry its only short post but feeling a bit tearful this afternoon, think it might be the injections  

Sam xx


----------



## ANGELA29A

congrats  kar t on being pupo.xxx

AFM 1st jab tonight, on my way again!!.x


----------



## jack12

how are you KTXXXXXXXX


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Jack- hello sweetness   lovely of you to ask after me   I'm good thanks, 2ww ok, have got strong af aches, have had since last Friday, but I know that doesn't mean much it just plays with your head a little bit doesn't it   how's you hunny?


----------



## ANGELA29A

Kar t and kt, how are you doing on the 2ww madness??.xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Hi Angela! 

I'm doing well on the 2ww Thanks (I think!) feeling a little lost as far as cycle buddies are concerned, there is a lot of sadness on there at the moment and it's difficult when you have to find your own pma...that's what you have cycle buddies for, so I'm a bit in limbo, trying not to be selfish but at the same time I need to be for my own sake  

How's it all going for you? What's the latest? Just started stimming? How ya feeling?


----------



## ANGELA29A

glad all is well, and the 2ww is passing without two much hassle.:0))
Apart from the old dr headaches im good ta, tad anxious about it all, and the what if, but want to just believe the whole way this time, i'll probably go quiet on here nearer the 2ww, as drove myself crazy last time and was on here constantly, and also this time im going back to work, at least i think i am lol.

Met up with a friend of mine today who has 6 month old girl twins born through ivf on my birthday in feb, 2 months premature, it was lovely to see them but also a bit of reality check, into how much work they are although completely pleasureable..made me start truely believing, and we all have to believe to get through this.xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Angela - i'm so sorry, you must think i'm a   friend, I haven't asked how you're doing, even on **!! Forgive me?  
Well done for visiting with friend and twins, at least we know it can work eh   Hope the headaches ain't too bad hun. xxxx

KT - One more day  

Jack12 - How are you darlin??

Sam - How are the jabs goin chick?

xxx


----------



## ANGELA29A

Doodyclaire- i didnt think that at all.
still doesnt seem real that we are actually cycling agin..lol not sre when it will sink in, prob at EC..haha.x


----------



## doddyclaire

It'll be 3rd time lucky for you 

xx


----------



## LouH

BFN for us today.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

LouH- I'm so sorry hunny   sending loads of love and hugs to you and dh


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Louh - so so very sorry darlin   Sendin ya huge   

xx


----------



## Mistygal

Hi Lou

Thinking of you    .

Mistygal x


----------



## ANGELA29A

lou, im so sorry hun.xxx


----------



## KarT

Lou - so sorry. Thinking of you


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Fingers crossed for you kt xxxx

Lou so sorry its not good news  

Sorry only short post but off to work x

Sam xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi ladies.. May I join u? 
It's day 10of my 2ww and I started bleeding yesterday and period today, resulting the end of this cycle. 
I am absolutely devastated. I cannot stop crying and feel like my world has crashed around me. 
I feel for all of us that have ended up here, and noone will ever understand the pain we are experiencing. 
If I can, I will support u girls where possible&hopefully together we can all see positivity for the future xxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Katie

So sorry to read your post, but are you jumpin the gun a little??  When is your OTD?  Plenty of ladies have bled early yet managed to achieve the BFP, so i'm going to   like crazy that you are one of those
xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi doddyclaire

No, it is a full period, and continuous flow (sorry to be crude). Ive spoken to my clinic and they have agreed that it sounds as thou it's a failed tx. I've got to confirm it tomorrow with them and arrange next protocol. 

Thankyou for your praying and wishes. Means alot xxxx

So sorry to hear about ur BFN's, good luck to you for your nxt cycle.


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry sweetie, my heart goes out to you and dh   you'll find bucket loads of support on here and I hope you find some comfort too. Give yourself some time to grieve and in time you'll find some strength to move forward.

Lots of love and  

Katy


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Katie, sorry to hear that, its pants when that happens, give yourselves lots of hugs and keep strong   to you both xx

Kt dont want to ask but how did things go today or should i not ask??xx

Sam xx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Sam! I'm sorry I didn't update on here   I didn't test today, not only was I too scared but I really didn't want my dh to have to rush off to work either way, I'm testing tomorrow instead...it's dh day off  

Thanks for asking after me hunny   I will definitely let you know tomorrow!

hope you're ok?  

Xxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thank you Katy & Sam for your lovely replies.
To be honest I need all the support I can get.! This is my first cycle of ICSI and I struged during treatment. To have this happen has destroyed me... I'm sure u all understand. I no I will get stronger, but as this is just only happened, I can only see a dark hole. 
I was scared to join this topic as wasn't sure how other girls were and how you are all coping... I will try my up most to support you with positive and kind messages where needed as you have started with me. 
If anyone had any suggestions on how to get over this low time,I'd very much like to hear them!


----------



## ANGELA29A

KT- good luck for tomorrow.xxx
Katreekingsbury- im so sorry at your news. There is no magic wand im afraid, and im sure everyone can tell you something different to how they got over it, for me, it was focusing on next cycle, and I'm going to buy something to remind me of embies lost. We thought something for the garden. 
we done this many years ago when I miscarried twins- 2 cherubs for the garden. just my way of coping.we are all here for you, and know what you are going through.  
Kar t- how r u doing??
doddyclaire- hows my buddy??.x


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thanks Angela, sometimes wish there was a magic spell... Like the forgetful spell from Harry potter    
My DH.bless him tries to help me, but he's not really sure wat to say or do. I'm laying in bed, have been for a good hour going over in my head what I could have done better or different (all thou deep in my heart there is nothing and it just wasn't our time). 
I'm sorry for ur loss of twins,that must be dreadful. I understand the heart ache of miscarriage after loosing my baby last year. It is the most world crashing pain. 

I have blown u dome bubbles to show support,luck&positivity. 
Thank you for ur kind reply, means alot xxxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Katreekingsbury - I think the thing that helped me most after my first failed cycle (apart from the God that is Vino!!) was knowing that it was really a trial to see how my body responded to the meds.  Next time round your doses will be adjusted and hopefully you will get better results.  
I like Angela's idea of buying something in memory, I did similar this time round and treated myself to some Louboutin shoes  

Please don't feel that you have to be supportive on here, you can just let yourself be supported, and when you're back on your feet, then you are able to offer support also, knowing that the days do get a little easier with passing time.

Try and put some nice things back in your lives, things you like to do together before TX came along and obliterated normal life.  Get out of bed, and find some positives...next time round do you want to be a little healthier?  Go for a walk, get some fresh air and clear your head.  I found going back to work THE best thing, I cried buckets with my bosses the first day back, but then being around people somehow was just what I needed, maybe I didn't think it was, but it really helped.  Before the end of the first day back i'd even laughed - what the hell??!  

I hope you feel better soon, and that your black hole disappears

xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thank you so much. My DH is taking me for retail therapy on sat, which 'should' cheer me up! I don't want to make everyone else feel any worse then they already do by listening to me run on. I just feel it's so hard to cope with in real day life as no one understands and never been through this. I'm sure in a couple of days I will be fine. Before this treatment started I prepared my self by loosing weight - 3stone, ate 5fruit&veg a day, drank 2litres water a day, did hour walking everyday, started folic acid and vitamin c supplements 6months before&stopped drinking,even the odd glass of vino!! That was so hard foe me to completely change my life style,&i think I put so much pressure on myself this is why it hurts me so much!


----------



## doddyclaire

Retail therapy is good, try and enjoy it hun, I guess he's trying to help in the only way he knows how   You're not going to make any of us feel worse darlin, we each have our own personal demons for that lil pleasure 

Sounds like you made some reall big changes before this tx, I was the same for my first, and so second time round I didn't put so much pressure on myself, but that didn't work either.....next time, I don't know how i'll be, probably neurotic by then!!

Angela - Hi honey, i'm good ta, how are you feelin??  When is your BL??

xxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Bless ur heart... It's so difficult isn't it? Pple say try and be normal, but it's all u think about. Maybe I need a holiday... But I hate flying! Lol... Skeggy for me ay  
How long between tx's did u have to wait? I've only got one frosty, so thinking I nay do another EC and get 2 embies on ET? Xxx


----------



## doddyclaire

I had about 3 months inbetween 1st and 2nd rounds.  Hoping it'll be the same again this time 

I've never managed to get any frosties, so fresh cycles each time, which is hard going.

A holiday is a good karma thing inbetween, shame you don't like flying, I love it!  We went to Cuba this year in between and it was the perfect relaxer that I needed

xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi girls. Just thought I'd give u an update. The situation has now got worse! I have taken the HPT as requested by my clinic and got a BFP. I callled the clinic and explained that my bleeding is heavy and loosing alot of blood, but why would I get a BFP? they explained that it's not possible to get a false positive only 2days before my OTD, and that I am pregnant but am miscarrying!!!  
I was devastated at the fact tx hadn't worked, but to now find out that it had but I'm miscarrying is soul destroying! I am so deflated and my heart is completely shattered! 
Every time I breathe in I feel sick with pain, and my eyes are so puffy from crying I can barely see! 
Why does being a women make life so hard! All we want is to be mummies! 

I'm sorry for the negativity, I just wanted you all to no what wa happening xxxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Oh Katie  you poor thing, that is so much worse than just having a neg 
I'm   for you xxxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi doddyclaire

I think BFN following treatment is just as devastating and I feel for all of us at this sad time. 
I'm struggling alot today but hoping that I will soon start to cope and calm down over the nxt few days.
 
Thankyou for your message...  xx


----------



## ANGELA29A

Katreekingsbury- im so sorry hun. what have thwe hospital said, are they getting you to retest.??
Are you NHS or private patient. think length between cycle varies from hospital protcols, we have to wait six months. 
doodyclaire - love the Louboutin shoes    
im ok thanks Claire, waiting for AF, then stimms on 17th august. Still feel im not really cycling this time, hasnt sunk in yet, apart from having to jab in Asda carpark tonight, We'd been for fish and chips then was going to asda to stock up on different flavours of squash, parked in the quitest part of the carpark , no cars nearby, until I got the needle up and started drawing up the buserelin, and yep a car pulled up next to us ..god only know what they thought I was doing    
How r u hun??
Kt = any news??


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi angela29a

Yes clinic told me to retest on Monday in the hope that it will be a negative just so it's confirmed. If it's still saying positive, they need to get me in to find reasons of such heavy bleeding and why the hormone is still present although m/c.
It's the not knowing what's happening which is crazing me! Obviously I no I'm bleeding alot, and I no it's a loss, but the leaving me til Monday!!! Grrr! They could have got me in yesterday or today! 
I'm an NHS pt, but I could not fault my clinic! They have been fantastic and really helped me. I was treated so lovely and they take great pride in their female pts. So I am lucky really. 

Xxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Ang - Asda carpark, how glamorous!!    It has come round quick for you tho aint it   Am sure this is your time sweet pea xx

Katie -


----------



## katreekingsbury

Morning ladies. 

I have woken up in tremendous pain! Pain that I've never experienced before. It's really strange.... It's in my mid/waist.. And all way round front and back. I feel like ice either done a 100 sit ups or hula hooping! It's so weird. I can't stand up, and sitting down still hurts. If I breathe in it hurts and if I breathe out it hurts. I don't think it's anything to do with my miscarriage, but I don't know what else it could be?? 
Don't suppose any if u have an idea 

Xxxxx


----------



## wildflower

Hello snowdrops   


I've been away for ages but finally had a follow up this week from mc all the way back in April. It was fairly brief but reasonably positive. There is hope but I think it is quite small. We are planning to try again, maybe in a couple of months. I'm a bit worried that even if we can get over the massive hurdle of getting a bfp that I will just mc again. It is hard but all we can do is try and see, there isn't really anything the doctor could suggest to prevent mc. She seemed to suggest that it was unlikely to be related to the endo. She also said that there are lots of investigations they can do for mc risk but that I wouldn't be referred for tests unless I have 3 mc in a row. 


Katie - So sorry about your mc   . All I can say is that you need to take lots of time. Spend hours hugging. Sleep. Eat cake. Do the things that you love and make you feel alive. Appreciate the small things. You will feel better eventually but it will take time so just take care and be nice to yourself. 
Also, I just want to say that it sounds like you have done amazing things to change your lifestyle in preparation for this treatment, well done. All that work hasn't gone to waste, your journey isn't over yet!
How is the pain now? You doing ok? 


KTCuddles - just noticed your sig and so pleased for you. Lovely, amazing news.   


Angela - all the best for the 17th


Claire - sorry about the bfn. hope you are ok. 


love to all the other snowdrops, hope you are enjoying the weekend.


xxxxx


----------



## ANGELA29A

Thanks wildflower, real doesnt seem like im on a cycle this time.Its also crazy that you have to go through 3 mc before they do anything about it!!!
Doddyclaire- in a carpark again tonight for jab, the glamourous life we lead. Really funny you messaged sweetpea, that what ive decided to call our embies this time, and you messaged it maybe its a sign!!!!


katreekingsbury
I really think you should get yourself checked out by doctor-out of hours possibly tomorrow- I had the worst pain ever on our 2nd cycle, we tested BFN,we went to doctor as pain was so bad, done another PT, and took bloods, we sat up the doctors for hours whilst she tried to ring our clinc and early pregnancy unit,  doctor was worried that as had 2 eggs , 1 was eptopic, even ended up having a cuppa in staffroom.!!!! Bloods came back they was no pregnancy, and said pain was due to the drugs from ovaries swelling so much, but was so glad we got checked out. hope pain eases soon.xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi Angela! I was admitted to hospital last night as pain was unberable. I had all bloods ad urine tests and found ive got a severe urinal tract and kidney infection. 
So I was discharged 10am this morning with advise and pain relief.

Glad I was checked out in end. 

Xxxxx


----------



## Faithope

May I join? xxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Oh no... Faithope, I was really hoping I wouldnt see u over here!!!  
Am so so sorry hugs and bubbles to hunny xxxx


----------



## Faithope

Thanks hun and sounds like you have been through it the last few days   xxxx


----------



## doddyclaire

Faithope - really sorry to see you here chick 

Katie - Aww, glad you got checked out tho, and diagnosed.  Hope you feel better soon x

Angela - love it, Asda carpark again!!  You're so cool!!  Hehe!  Hope the name is a good sign 

xx


----------



## ANGELA29A

katie- so glad you got checked out, but so sorry you ended up in hospital.  
Hello to faith, sorry you are on this thread, but lots of support available.
doodclaie- i'll be getting a reputation soon..lol  normal jab today in the comfort of my own home.


----------



## Faithope

*Angela29a* Hi and thanks for the welcome-I notice from your signature that you also had a failed ICSI and now about to do another ICSI? you waited 4 months was that out of choice? xxxxxx

*Doddyclaire*  I know its crap isn't it


----------



## ANGELA29A

Faithhope, no its not my choice, NHS protocol for me, has to be 6 months between cycles.xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi girls. I've been drinking litres&pints of water today to try and flush through the infection! bleeding has completely slowed down which is good as it must mean the infection is clearing. 
BUT GUESS WHAT NOW!!! I've only gone and got a blinking yeast infection aswell now!! 
So just to summarise -
•weds start bleeding
•thurs heavy bleeding,BFP,m/c according to clinic
•sat admitted to hospital with horrendous pain and bleeding,- OHSS rules out, bloods show light HCG hormone showing it's leaving my system, and urine sample shows UTI & kidney infection. Obs Over night. 
•sun doc discharges me saying natural remedies needed to flush out infection with every 4hours of co codamol. And now, to top off all the physical and emotional pain, I endure a sore lady garden!!! 

Anyone else love being a women? 


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Oh Katie, you're having such a horrible time of it aren't you, I wish I could make all this go away for you, I'm sending you bucket loads of hugs to keep you going   I hope everything starts sorting itself out soon sweetie, and you feel better soon too.


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thank you ktcuddles.. I am struggling at the mo and its hard to see a way forward. I no it's just because I'm poorly and everything does seem 10 times worse when ill. I've gota go bk to testing again tomo, bloods and urine... I feel like a science lab test subject!  

Hope your ok Hunni, no news is good news!  

Xxxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Hi girls. Got an update for u all. I had my bloods redone last night & my clinic called me this morning with the results. Your never guna believe it!
My HCG levels have doubled in last two days, so havnt miscarried but am actually BFP! bit shocked to say the least especially after what I've been through for the last week. They are concerned about the bleeding (hoping it's due to my kidney infection) but going to do a scan in 2weeks to see what's going on. 

Hope all u girls are ok, keep positivey coz miracles do happen!!!! 


Xxxxx xxxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Katie! OMG!!! That's fantastic news! (not the bleeding obviously!)   that the bleeding stops soon, and all is ok with your scan   ps....I got my bfp on the 5th aug too!


----------



## doddyclaire

Katie!!  WOW, what a result!!  Congrats, rest up and take it easy 

xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Ktcuddles... We are due around same time then... Fingers crossed it all goes well for me wen they do the scan. Congrats to u and good luck to u too!' 

Doddyclare.... Thankyou for ur message... I was a bit like "wow" too!! 
Can't believe it. 

I'm staying in this thread to keep up to date with all ur progresses and offer support where needed. 

Luv to u all xxxx


----------



## ANGELA29A

Wow - katreekingsbury what fab news. BFP  :0)))
KT cuddles--Congratulations on BFP.xx 
Kar t how are you??
doddyclaire- hope you are looking  forward to  elles gift arriving :0))
Faithhope how are you??


----------



## LouH

KT - no idea how I missed that news...WOW Congratulations. xxx

Katree - what a few days you have had...such a result...keeping all crossed for you. xxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thankyou Angela and Lou for ur messages! I now believe that miracles do happen and we all must keep that little bit of hope inside! 

Hugs to u all x x x x x


----------



## jack12

just WHOOOOOOOPEEEEEE!!!!! SO PLEASED FOR YOU. LOTSA LOVE XXXXX


----------



## Faithope

*kat* Wow thats amazing news hun!! congrats xxxxxxxxx 

*Angela29a* I have been better-I have really heavy bleeding and very sore tum  talk about rub it in  hows you? xxxx

Big Hi to all xxxxxxxxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Faithope, I'm so sorry u feeling poorly. Habevu arranged an Appt with ur clinic to go bk and have a review? 
I'm feeling for u right now as u are a lovely person. U gave everyone including me so much hope over in TBE 2ww thread. I want u to no that my heart goes out to u & I'm staying in this thread to give out support where needed.

All my love to u Hunni xxxxxxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Jack12.. I have just read ur sig. It is absolutely dreadful what u have gone through!!! I can not believe ur ex husband left u and then denied u ur last chance if having a child! It's absolutely heart breaking! Have u though about sperm don? But then again babes, u may find ur night and shinning armour and may not need any help! A little story for you all- 
My Auntie&Uncle TTC for 10yrs without success. They never thought to get checked out as my uncle had a 9yr old from a prev marriage. My auntie had all necessary fertility checks and found out she had severe endometriosis and advised her she would need a hysterectomy. My auntie refused and said there would be noway she would let them take the one link to her ever having a family. DRs readvised her for health reasons but still refused and had to sign a refusal form before being discharged. They decided to go for IVF. the clinic checked my uncle as routine to find out he was infertile and always has been and always will be!! (his daughter was not actually his daughter,but a result from an affair his ex wife had had!) anyways, they got through and went ahead with fertility tx. Auntie fell with twins but lost them quite early. The whole thing got too much for them and they ended up hating each other and divorced! 1year later,, my mum saw my auntie in a restaurant with another man and when she walked up to her, realised she was infact 8montjs pregnant-NATURALLY! she now has a beautiful little girl 5yrs old!  

Point to the story? NEVER GIVE UP AND KEEP BELIEVING!!! xxx


----------



## Samuel Jackson

Katie - congratulations thats fabulous news, youve been through it the last few days but boy what an outcome in the end   , sending you lots of love, really am happy for you, just hope the kidney infection sorts itself out for you xx

Kt - congratulations really really happy for you. Not sure you got my pm? didnt want to post on here as i noticed you hadnt said you'd got a bfp but now you have, big congratulations, enjoy the next 8 months and you take good care of yourself  

Hi to everyone else hope your all doing ok?

Im in for ec tomorrow, bit scared but excited at the same time, got a few folicles at a good size, just hope and pray they have some nice little eggs in them  

Sam xx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Thanks Sam. Kidney infection is getting there... Just drinking loads of fluid so it's clearing nicely. Good luck for ur EC... hope it all goes well and they get plenty of eggs! Will be thinking of u and sending u lots of bubbles and hugs xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Angela & Lou H- thank you my lovelies  

Sam- I'm sorry I thought i had replied to your pm     thank you my sweet   good luck with EC tomorrow, let us know how you get on  

Katie- thanks hunny, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that all is well at your scan    

Faithope- big  

Doddyclaire- what's  occurin' ?


----------



## doddyclaire

Sam - good luck for EC tomorrow hun 

Angela - can't wait for my prize to arrive ))  Cheers again chick for the text!!

Well ladies, I won a fertility hamper last night, of crystals, neclace, bracelet and suchlike!!  Lookin forward to it arriving!!  Also, on the advice of you KT, I have spoken today to an acupuncturist, who actaully is based in my village!!  He's worked on ladies from my clinic before so am going to see him for consult after we've had our follow up on 23rd.  Feels good to be tryin something 

xxx


----------



## LadyKtcuddles

Doddyclaire- oooo a fertility hamper! Luffly!   Glad you've found an acupuncturist, not long now until your follow up either so you can start moving forward sweetie


----------



## ANGELA29A

Faithofhope, im ok thanks, still waiting for AF to arrive before we start stimms.
Doddyclaire, accupunture sounds soog, something to focus on, do you know when next cycle is yet??
kt and katree- hope you are enjoying the BFP, has it sunk in yet for either of you??
Sam- good luck for tomorrow.xx
Anyone heard how kar t is??

AFM still waiting AF might have to try   again..  
Sorry for bizarre pic, its the moonstone ring hubby bought me for this TX, someone wanted to see it on another thread


----------



## katreekingsbury

Doddyclaire... Ferlity hamper ay? Ooh ark at u! Sounds very lucorious! U enjoy it my flower... And good luck with ur ancupuncture... Hope it woesk for u!! 

Ktcuddles - my fingers are glued crossed for u too... Really hope this all works out for u 

Angela - not sunk in at all!! It's completely thrown me coz of my eventful week I've had. One min tresent had failed, the next I get AF, then get a BFP, then get admitted with poss m/c, then get told got a BFP and kidney infection, then get told bloods being taking as assuming infect I am m/c, then get a blinking BFP!!! 
So I dnt no wether I'm coming or going! 
I'll feel better once I have the eay scan to see if it's all ok. Not long to go!! 
     
And        to you all xxxx


----------



## katreekingsbury

Sorry about the dreadful spelling girls... In a bit of a rush!! Hope u can all make it out!!!!


----------



## Vickytick

Hi Ladies mind if I join you?

I've just had a BFN from my first IVF cycle having previously had two m/c. So say I'm devastated is an understatement and tbh I'm struggling to cope. I seem to be finding this a lot harder to handle than the m/c (which sent me   and  ) enough as it is. After the m/c I suppose I became certain that IVF was the miracle cure and was hoping I would be one of the first time lucky ones especially at my age. I've found out that I've got to wait 6 months (we are NHS funded for which I'm VERY grateful) but with a low amh and being 37 I'm worried that its just reducing my chances even more. Its affected my relationship - I chucked him out at one point yesterday packed his bag and everything and I'm not sure how I feel anymore. He has a child from his first marriage who we have to stay so I'm constantly reminded of what I can't do. I'm worried that our relationship won't survive if we can't have a child of our own as I admit I struggle with his son (he does have some learning diff so is not an easy child ) as for the ex - don't even go there!.

One question did everyone first the AF after the BFN really painful. They told me to expect bleeding but the pain has almost been as bad as the 12 wk m/c and I never wanted to experience that again.

Sorry ladies just needed to let off steam. 

V
x


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## doddyclaire

Hi Vickytick

You poor thing  So sorry sweetie to read of your BFN.  It would be great to think that IVF is the solution to our problems, unfortunately its not, however, it seems to be true that 2 or 3 attempts is the norm before getting the pos result.
Believe me when I say that in a few weeks you will start feeling a little better, the pain and hurt is still there, just not so sharp.  As for AF, well, mine was a little heavier and a slight bit more uncomfy than normal, but not too bad.

Angela - i'm glad you explained your pic.....I was wondering what had got into you!!    Won't know next action plan until f/u on 23rd, really can't wait to get cracking again, but then again, want the extra time for the acu to start working!!

xx


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## ANGELA29A

Hi vickytick, So sorry for your BFN, especially after 2 miscarriages before. There is no easy way to cope, but we are all here for you hun.MY 2nd failed IVF, pain was worse then id ever experienced and nearly ended up in hospital.x
Doddyclaire, all the best for follow up hun.xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi girls... I'm back again... Today with heavy bleeding and cramps again! Waiting for clinic to call back to see what to do!  
This is all driving me crazy... I'm so up and down and I'm completely exhausted! 

Sorry to hear ur sad news vicktick, like the others said, we are hear to give u support. 

Xxx


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## doddyclaire

Katie - hope it settles down soon enough and you feel better soon xx

Angela - loving the new pic of you & DD, luvly   How are you doing?? Any signs of AF yet? xx


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## heidiT

Hi all- hope you dont mind me joining in 
Not replied to any before, but we have just had our first IVF fail, so after MC and failed IUI's, i feel abit the same as everyone else to be honest, fed up and had enough. Our PCT only funds one cycle so the start of saving will begin! We cant start again until prob DEC as my fella is away with work so feel like im just hanging.....
My AF was heavier than normal and hurt more, both physically and mentally- really hate this rollercoaster!

Big hugs to all, at least we have each other 

x


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## Faithope

*heidit*  the AF after IVF is horrid isn't it, mine was painful and really heavy, its going now though thank god xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## kittycatt

Hi all - hope you don't mind me joining in - just had hcg of 13 back yesterday after 2 blast FET on 2.8.11,  they expect me to early miscarry anytime in next few days.  Got to return for bloods next thurs to check hcg returned to negative. Its the same result as my fresh ICSI in march / april.  They implant and then I just can't keep them going it seems.  My AF on the first time was 18dpo - it was more painful but not unbearable.  Just got to wait for this one. Just wish it would bloody hurry up now so I can get some closure on this round.

This time it's really knocked me to the floor.  Just can't seem to pick myself up again. The minute I think about it I crack. really need to psych up to go back to square one again as we have no frosties left, but its so hard.  I know its early days and it will get easier - im just devastated at the mo. 

Faithope - i read your post on another thread. I know how you feel -  I work in Child protection and I see horrendous situations that break my heart.....it makes it all seem so desperately unfair sometimes when you know what love and stability you can provide if only we get the chance...... on a positive note - Im glad your AF is on the way out now....

Love to all  

Kit
XXX  XXX


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## Faithope

*kittycatt*  so cruel to be so close to your dream to have it taken away just as quick


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## kittycatt

Well I've made some enquiries about acupuncture.  It's recommended to help and I'll give anything a go to help me through this next part of the journey. I hope I've found a good one....has anyone else tried it Or got any advice on it??

Kit x x x   x x x


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi girls

So sorry to hear your sad news, its sole destroying but try and be there for each other, it does get easier in time big   to you all xxx

Just a quick update from me, had ec Wednesday and got 8 eggs, 7 were mature enough to inject and 6 fertilized so we are really pleased, back in tomorrow for transfer   it works this time xx

Love to you all 

Sam xx


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## heidiT

Hi all
The devastation is just awful isnt it, i know alot of my days are spent asking why are we being punished when some people have children that dont even seem to want them!

Fingers crossed for your transfer Sam 

I havent had acupucture but i have fertility reflexology, it really de-stresses me throughout and is suppose to aid egg quality, on my IVF everything egg and sperm wise went well so am assuming i have an implantation problem as miscarry also?

Oh by the way "HAPPY FRIDAY" xx


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## doddyclaire

Kitty & HeidiT - So sorry ladies to read of your sad news, as Sam said, it does get better/easier with time, but of course thats no help to you now   

Sam!!!!  Well done you!!!  Fab fert rate   Hope ET goes nice and smoothly tomorrow, how many are you having back?

Hi Faithope, Angela, Katie & Vicky 

AFM, just back from gym, steam and swim - ahhh feel shattered, so gonna cook a quick tea, swill down a glass of vino and bed I reckon!!!

xx


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## Samuel Jackson

Doddyclaire - yes we are dead chuffed and bit shocked we thought we were only going to get about 3 eggs as there were only 3 folicles grown quite nicely and some smaller ones and doc said they were aiming for about 3, so to get 6 fertilized is amazing, having 2 put back and they spoke about freezing some too but will see how they go overnight. 

Your evening sounds lovely, we just popped to an eat as much as you want chinese which has recently opened, didnt eat loads though as got pretty fully quite quickly  enjoy the vino  

Sam xx


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## doddyclaire

I'll keep my fingers x'd then that you also get some frosties out of your bumper crop   

We dived into an all you can eat ****** last night before the movies, gotta love it ain't ya )

I'll have a spesh glass of wine for you poppet 

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi ladies! Just thought I'd drop by and see how u all are? 

Fingers crossed Sam for ur frosties!!!! 

Hope u all ok chickens, 

Xxxxxxx


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## Vickytick

Sorry to hear everyone is a bit down its tough knowing how to cope after a negative cycle. I'm just trying to get back into the real world for the next 4 months before I try again.

*Sam* - good news on your eggs fingers crossed really tightly for you..

*kittycat/Faithhope* - I too found that the AF after BFN was very painful and heavy - almost but not quite as bad as my m/c in Dec. The clinic did tell me to expect it to be heavier but it still knocks you for six.
*
Kittycat *- I seem to have a similiar issue. I've had two m/c one at 8 weeks and one at 12 followed by this failed IVF so I'm assuming its an implantation issue. I know I have good lining because I have always had quite heavy AF's. Have you considered having further tests such as immune etc ? I'm going to the Miscarriage Clinic in London to pay for some blood tests to see if they can find out the cause and then offer a solution medicated or other. They consider failed IVF to be technically a m/c. The tests cost but its a lot cheaper than paying for another round of IVF.

Chin up ladies and here's to a relaxing Sat night..

Vicky
x


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi everyone

We have had two little embries put back yesterday, they didnt manage to freeze any but were happy to have got two back with us  

Hope your all having a lovely weekend xx

Sam x


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## katreekingsbury

Hi Sam! 

Wow!!! 2 embies..... So fingers and toes crossed u guna have a twiny pregnancy!!!! 
Ooooooh, how exciting! Now, it's time for two week rest and be treated like a princess! Dont even move to do ur tea.... Make DH do it for u!! 
Never mind in the frosties, but like u said, at least u have two on board!! 

Good luck Hun!!!! Xxxx


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## doddyclaire

Sam - Congrats on bein PUPO hunny, rest up chick  

xx


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## ANGELA29A

sam congrats on being PUPO.x


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## Vickytick

Sam - Congrats on being PUPO xx


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## xx MagicalMuffin xx

Ladies OK if I join you??


Today I've got a BFN and its absolutely devastating. I knew it was over yesterday but was trying to hold on to a glimmer of hope reading about other ladies that had bled but still got a BFP.


I'm never early (due to PCOS) and yet I didn't even make it till test day - can't get my head around that.


I am very grateful to have my little boy from my last cycle when my chances were worse  - so I'm convinced that a lot of this is about luck.  Just sincerely hope that mine hasn't run out and I can have another so he has a sibling.  


However many times you do this journey it doesn't get any easier.... even with success before.  I find it all so traumatic every step of the way - now with the added worry that why didn't it work again? Is that my lot? Will it ever work again??  Sorry for the me post but hopefully today you understand it has taken its toll on me and I will read back at your posts and hopefully get to know you all.


Much love and wishing you all babydust for the future xxx


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## ANGELA29A

Hi Magical muffin, so sorry hun you got a bfn, it never gets any easier, ive never yet made it to test day either always so close.
When was your test day?? 
dont give up youve had one success and im sure you will again.xx


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## doddyclaire

MM - so sorry you didn't get the good result this time   Nope, it doesn't ever get easier...

Like Angela, i've bled both times before OTD also.

Hi Angela - any sign of AF yet  Or have I missed that..    Vino fuddled head these days  

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hi girls... I'm back ... AGAIN!! 

I had bloods this morning to check my HCG leeks after I had a bleed on Friday, and results came in showing they had dropped and I've m/c!!   
Totally gutted! 
I'm getting a review Appt sent to me to discuss further action. 

How are u ladies getting on?? Ok I hope.... 

Lots of love, K xxx


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi

Katree - so sorry to hear that really am gutted for you as youve had such an up and down emotion with this cycle, just sorry to hear its ended this way, sending you lots of   make sure you look after yourselves xxx

Welcome magical muffin - sorry its under these circumstances.  It doesnt get any easier bless you, give yourself some time out and like i just said to katree look after yourselves, sending you lots of  

Thank you for all your kind posts real nice of you all   hope your all ok?

Sam xx


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## katreekingsbury

Thankyou Sam. I'm trying to calm down and relax, but instead today I tipped my house upside down, threw loads of crap out, bleached floors,doors&walls and had a general clean up!! (OCD kicks in when I'm upset or angry) but at least I have a lovely clean an fresh house! Not that DH will notice. 
My clinic are brilliant, offered me all the support I could ask for and are sending me a review appt in the post ASAP so I can discuss my future options. I feel sick with hurt, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon. And be strong enough to start all again! 

I'm sorry to hear ur news magic muffin. Totally understand how ur feeling. 

Just not our time but we will ALL get there, I'm sure of it!! There's just a waiting list up in the sky, and when we are at the top of the list will not only get BFP, we will get through to the birth, and watch our babies grow into toddlers, and then into children, and then teenagers and then adults. An before u know it, we will be nannies!!!    

Just thought id put a twist at the end to try cheer us up and give us positivity! 
Love to u all xxxxx


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## Faithope

*katreekingsbury*  Life is a  isn't it  I am so sorry xxxxxxxx

*xx MagicalMuffin xx*  I know how that feels, as we all do  so unfair xxxxx

*doddyclaire* 

Big hello to everyone xxxxxxxx


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## katreekingsbury

Thanks faithope. Yes life is.... I agree! I never thought me and u would be reunited over here on the negative thread....   
Just got to keep going and hopefully success nxt time!! 

Xxxxx


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## Faithope

I am definatly not giving up   and it must be hard but you are doing great with the PMA!


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## katreekingsbury

Its killing me being so positive, but me being on here, handing out positivity to everyone else us keeping me from going insane! 
This website, and my FF are my saviour right now, coz in the flesh I am falling apart!!!!


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## Faithope

just remember you are allowed to fall apart-don't be strong for anyone. You do what feels right inside, cry, scream, sleep, do whatever you need to do xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## doddyclaire

Katie - so sorry darlin, had hoped it would work out for you   

Hi Faithope 

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Thanks faithope and thanks doddyclaire... I really am struggling... Think its coz it's been so up and down and I was holding on so tight! 

Gota bottle of rose on the go and planning a night out at the weekend just to get it all out of my system!! 

If any norfolk gals wana join me... Or Suffolk ... Lol I'll let u no where I'm going so u can pick me out the gutter!!!


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## katreekingsbury

Good morning girls, 

The thread has gone a bit quiet since last night, so just wondered how u all were?? 

Faithope how are u feeling? Are u ok?? 

Sam-hope ur little embies are ok and u are resting well and being treated like a princess! 

Doddyclaire, how's things with u? Ur always sending out great vibe to pple, giving them positivity, but how are u getting on 

Sorry if ive missed anyone... Can't think straight!! Anyone wana talk, I'll be online alday xxxxxx


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## doddyclaire

Morning Katie!

I'm ok, thanks for asking, just plodding on.  Follow up appt is next week so nothing new from me until then.
Off to a funeral this arvo, my best friend from school, her father passed away, so not so chirpy today.

Speak later xx


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## katreekingsbury

Oh babe.... How dreadful! Well, I hope he has a good send off&your friend keeps strong for her mum. 
I hope ur follow up Appt goes well, but I'm sure we will spk before then. 
Sorry ur having a nasty day, I hope the rest of ur week goes well xxxx


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## Samuel Jackson

Hi Katree

Im good thanks and hopefully my little embries are too and are snuggling in nicely.  People keep telling me to rest but im not that kind of person, went for a little stroll down the canal after work tonight which was lovely but chilling now as not long had tea.

How are you doing?  You enjoy your rosie last night?x

Hope the funeral went ok today doddy, well you know what i mean xx

Sam xx


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## katreekingsbury

Well if u not that type of person, it's prob best to keep in routine, so embies don't get a sudden shock! Rose was lush, had a bit of a headache this morn but all worth it!! 

Doddyclaire, hope ur day wasn't too miserable!!  

Xxx


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## doddyclaire

Hey girls

Funeral wasn't too miserbale, lots of Elvis songs played, I had forgotten his love of that music   Made everyone smile.  Hard to explain, but as kids, we shared everything, then she found drugs and I didn't, and so we parted, hadn't seen her for 20 years til today, bittersweet never had so much meaning before today  

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Aww doddyclaire... It shows that a true friendship can never be broken, no matter what path is chosen or what life throws at u. U are a brilliant friend to be there for her today as support and as a true friend. I too never understood bittersweet, until I had the phone call to say my BFF had died. When I say BFF, we didn't see each other all the time, in fact it was months, but we had the relationship where I knew she was there if I needed her. We kinda argued alot&she used to get upset if I didn't see her, but didn't realise how much I actually had her, and needed her once she was gone. Bittersweet but the other way round. Took it, took her for granted. 
Your friend will be forever grateful that u were there for her today. 
You are an amazing person doddyclaire, u are always here for us, and u are always supporting people around u. I feel like u are a strong women, and I not only envy you, u praise u for the person u are. 
I wish for nothing more, that u and ur DH are blessed with a family one day, as someone as pure, kind, sensitive, supportive and angelic as u, deserves nothing more to have ur dreams come true. 

I really mean that from the bottom of my heart xxx


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## doddyclaire

Bless you, you bought tears to my eyes    But in a nice way, thank you.  I hope that you & your friend fix that too, I can see its hard and will need lots of TLC but i'm looking at our friendship now as a clematis, you can let it wither, but with love, it will bloom 

Please don't envy me, i've been a bad girl in my past and treated people shockingly, so I feel I am not someone to look up to at all.
But i'll take the hopes of one day, me & DP makin a fam, that would be just the best thing in the world for us 

And in turn, I really hope the same for you, you have been through a shet load this round, but.... a pos is a pos, so next time, you'll get the BFP that sticks 

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Everyone has a past, and everyone has treated someone badly... It's part of growing up and getting to know yourself. I too have been a nasty person, but u just grow up. I feel me and my bbf fixed things spiritually. I believe she forgave me and I forgive her. But, obviously I left it too late, u have been given another chance, so go with it. 

Thank you for ur positivity, and I believe in all things comes to those who wait patiently. Our time will be here, when it is proven we are ready. There's obviously things in our lives that we haven't yet completes before our lives are bombarded with children. 

We will all be mummies one day. 

I believe dreams come true, no matter how heart breaking it is to jump over the huge clouds to get there. 

All my love to you&DP (sorry I said DH b4) and to all the other lovely ladies on Here xx


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## ANGELA29A

Hello ladies,how are we all, just an update, started stimming yesterday!!!!, 1st scan next wednesday!!!.x


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## doddyclaire

Angela - Yay!!!  Whoop whoop, hot water bottle at the ready then   Look forward to hearing how your scans go luv xxx


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## ANGELA29A

not a hot water bottle in sight, dont know if im going to worry about it this time.x


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## katreekingsbury

Aww hey Angela, that's good news. Need something to brighten up these misery days! Hope follicles looks good on ur scan... Good luck for u hunny.    

How are u doddyclaire after ur traumatic start to the week? Has it got better?   

As for me... I started bleesing heavily again yesterday&in pain so Ive been in bed since 2pm yesterday, crying&being a right ol grumpy ****!


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## Samuel Jackson

Evening girls

Oh Katree sorry to hear your in bad way, hope your ok, be lot eaiser if we lived close by (or in a big house) as could give you a big hug, hope your feeling better soon, sending you lots of   

Angela  thats fab news, fingers crossed those little follies grow nicely for you x

Doddy hope your doing ok ?

What a miserable evening here with us always thought August was meant to be nice but raining here 

Sam xx


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## katreekingsbury

Aww, could u imagine all us living in one big house?? The hormone flying around would be crazy!! One of us or all of us would be arrested for murder! Lol. 
I am in a bit of a bad way, and when I think I feel ok, I remember why I'm sat here in the first place! 

It very miserable here too... Chucking it down with rain... What aload of poop!!!!


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## Samuel Jackson

Yes one big house would be funny but like you say also very dangerous  

It is hard and your gonna have days when your on a big downer then other days you will be like right i am going to get there and will get my little bundle of joy, i know its easy for me to say at this moment in time but please try and keep positive it wil get eaiser and you will get there   

Sam x


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## katreekingsbury

I hope so ... And I hope you and all the other girls get there bundles of joys too!! 

Thank you Sam xxx


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## ANGELA29A

Ok doddyclaire, quick change of mind, heat pad on tummy...lol
Sam how are you doing??
katreekingsbury- this is oh so hard and you are allowed to feel down and grumpy.
kar t and kt how are you both.
Faithope hope you are ok.x


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## Vickytick

Morning Ladies,

I know how you all feel I seem to be constantly on edge at the moment and either crying or being hostile towards my DH. Im not working so struggling to keep busy during the wait before my 2nd cycle of IVF. As I gave up work for IVF and my DH has a child he has to pay towards money is not as freely available so I find myself limiting what I can do each day which makes it worse. 

Its tough thinking we basically put our lives on hold for something which may never happen (which I   to God is not the outcome).  Then what? My DH ex is also, for some reason, stopping me looking after their child on my own. Every time she wants childcare she wants my DH to leave work early (he is a senior manager so frankly that is not possible) but when we say I'm at home she says no - but its okay for her new partner to look after him whilst she goes out at with her friends

All it does is make me sadder than someone is saying I'm not capable which is kicking me whilst I'm down.

Sorry to be on a downer especially on a day when the sun is actually shining which after last night and the powercuts is quite nice. I just needed to vent and people are getting a bit tired of listening I think.

x


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## doddyclaire

Morning 

Vicky -   what a ***** your DH's ex seems to be, I imagine that its nothing to do with your capabilities, but just a knife to poke you with.  Don't let that get you down hun.  DO you know when you are starting your next round?  Maybe you could volunteer at a charity, even for a couple of months, to help fill your time, meet new people, and not be spending all your time thinking of IVF?

Angela -  I couldn't imagine trying to stim without heat pad hun, hope you're doing ok  xx

Katie - Sorry you're feeling poo, if its any consolation the first main bleed after is usually the worst so in time it will get better, and you will soon start feeling a little less sad and maybe find some optimism about your next round..

Sam - Hi poppet, how are you getting on?

xx


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## katreekingsbury

Hey girls 

Angela - thank you for saying I'm allowed to feeling down... Sometimes I worry that I shouldn't be like this and I have to feel miserable in secret.. My bed (&my teddy ) is the only thing that's keep me happy at the min. I'm aiming to get out the house tomo (depending on my bleed) and go see a friend which I'm hoping will do me good. 

Vicky - I'm sorry ur feeling poo... U sound as down in the dumps as me! I cannot believe yr DH ex is acting the way she is. That's absolutely disgusting&childish. What has ur DH said? Does he stick up for u? I think she's just trying to manipulate the situation knowing u are vulnerable. Don't let her spitefulness get u down when u are trying to get through as it is. Keep ur chin up petal & like doddyclaire said, maybe do done volunteer work to get u out&about. 

Doddyclaire - I really can't wait for this bleed to be over! Still have no idea what kind of bleed it is? I'm not sure if it's a follow up bleed, m/c bleed or my general monthly bleed? Confused.com


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## LadyKtcuddles

Hello girls  

Just caught up on the last week of what's been going on, wanted to pop on and give you all huge  

Sorry, I'm not really with it, I've not been well...in hospital last weekend, and still feel rubbish now   

Anyway....

Angela-  Yay for stimming hunny   thanks for asking after me  

Sam- hope those embies are snuggling in babe  

Katie- I'm so sorry to here your news sweetie   how awful for you, take care of you sweetie  

MM- I'm so sorry your cycle didn't work this time either sweetie, you'll get some great support here with these girlies  

Faithope-   hi sweetness, loving your pma  

Vickytick- Oh hunny sending you huge   I don't know what kind of person your dh ex is but just to put a different spin on it, is it possible she may 'think' you might not want to look after The child because it hurts you too much? The trouble with the whole ivf process is that people don't ask you what you think and feel, they just assume!   

Hello to everyone I've  missed


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## katreekingsbury

Hi ktcuddles

Poor u being in hospital? Hope not tooserious and u start to feel better soon xxx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Katie- thanks Hun, it's nothing that won't go away, Just a touch of OHSS and a cyst which they are not ruling out to be an ectopic pregnancy (too early to tell) luckily I have one pregnancy sac exactly where it should be  

How are you doing today sweetie?


----------



## katreekingsbury

Oh u poor thing. At least u have one where it should be, so fingers crossed it will all be ok and u get better soon as poss! 

I'm ok... Still down in dumps. I got up and showered... Put fresh pjs on and am under a blanket on the sofa. So it's kind of a step from being in bed under the duvet, but not quite there yet! Xx


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## LadyKtcuddles

Katie, bless you   Small steps hunny, small steps


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## Vickytick

Thanks for the words of wisdom ladies it did help.

I'm can't start until Jan (PCT rules 6 months) so I'm trying to get myself a little bit of temping or parttime work to tide me over - the money would definitely come in hand. Unfortunately I would love to say DH ex is thinking of me but highly unlikely. She knows we had problems conceiving followed by the m/c in Dec and have to have IVF but we've kept the timings from her because of the way she reacted when I had the m/c. Let's just say she isn't exactly caring and sharing about it all despite the fact she has a 4 month baby (would have thought that would make her sympathetic).  Its now unfortunately in the hands of solicitors to sort out..

Kat - Sorry to hear you are still feeling rough - never excuse a duvet day its the best therapy ever. Rest and more rest lady!   

KT Cuddles - Hope you are feeling better after your stay in hosp and glad its all still looking good. Some positive news is exactly what keeps the rest of us ploughing on with this process.

Have a good afternoon and weekend ladies - thanks again

Vicky
x


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## LadyKtcuddles

Vickytick- I take it back,  your dh ex is a right B*#*ch! Big big   to you sweetie


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## Juls78

Ladies i am just popping in to tell you that i am going to lock this thread and here is the link to the negative cycle support.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=258646.0

julsxx


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