# Newbie to board and need lots of advice and help!



## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi All - apologies from the off I have posted this on another board too, wasnt sure which to use first!!!!!!!

I really dont know where to start, I was previously on another board, which I still am, however I very good friend of mine who uses this board and is due twins in 10 weeks or so, referred me to here, and said how great it was and how much support I would get!

So here goes,  I am 45 and so want a child, just one would do!  anyway I conceived naturally at 42 and lost it at 3 months.  then we went to IVF, not because there was anything wrong with us, just our ages we believed were against us (in hindsight we wish we had carried on trying naturally).  Obviously my FSH levels were quite high because of my age, so I had double dosage of everything.  Anyway 3 attempts later, no good news, but two frozen.  My dilemma recently was do I try them, probably knowing they wont work, as none of the others do and the eggs are as old as you, which isnt good at my age (even if I was 44 when I got them), or do I go straight for donor egg??

I've had some great advice and help from Nic who referred me here and a 2 or 3 others, and have decided to go for FET first, otherwise I may think what if!  Been low today, hoping for AF but then again not, but signs are there so onto the clinic tomorrow and down the scary road, and my last attempt this way.

Apart from that it would be straight to donor egg - presuming my DH's fishies (that's what I call them more polite!) are still ok, if not it would be donor embryo's (like Nic).  The one thing is cost and I have heard loads about Spain and have info from IM, but others have done IVI, then Nic mentioned to me the other night Ukraine?? Where do you start folks please, I would prefer going to a sunny climate, but its costs.  I have been made redundant twice in 8 months and am currently trying to find another job. I've used alot of my savings and am now in my ISA account, hope fully not much will go.  But I know Spain is around £6 - £7K with meds and flights Ukraine seems much cheaper looking at the boards on here?? Is there a top 10 for clinics list I need to know how high success rates are, it seems such a lot to do to contact absolutely each and every clinic if it comes to it for us, which I am pretty sure it will.  Any advice please at all?

I have looked at adoption, but it may be a no go, as they often talk to ex partners and older children not living at home. On my side that is fine, on my DH's that's another story, and certainly not his fault, I inherited the stepdaughter from another planet - she hasnt lived with us for quite a while, and not sure she would put a good word in for us!  I also feel that donor egg, would at least be half of us, and to be honest it wouldnt make any difference to me, as I would be the one giving birth etc etc, the donor would just be my fairy godmother in my eyes.

So again it is cost, I could do some clinic prices I have looked at, but would rather choose between 2 or 3 with a high success rate for people of my age, I really would like only one shot at it, because of cost and Nic and friends of hers and others I've spoken to have been 44 and its worked!

See I told you I didnt know where to start etc etc - babbling on and I am new, you will all be falling asleep by now!

Any help would be gratefully received honestly it would!!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

many thanks all
Olgakorbut
xxxx


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## LoisLane (Apr 26, 2007)

Olgakorbut 

Wishing you a warm welcome to FF! You have come to a great place for friendship, advice and support! Great that you friend Nic directed you here, congratulations on her twin pregnancy !

You seem to have gathered up lots of information already! It is a bit of a minefield though this ttc lark, so am going to provide you with some more links that will be of use to you.

Firstly, wishing you the best of luck with your FET, sending lots of  and ! Take a look at this link;

FET - CLICK HERE

Another useful area;
TTC over 40 - CLICK HERE

I really hope you won't need these , but am also going to provide you with the links for adoption and the donor boards . One member who is very clued up on the donor situation is Brownowl, I know she won't mind me mentioning her as she is very open and even appeared in mags regarding her donor eggs. She did lots of research on the donor situation prior to her tx, so would be great to talk to 

Adoption & Fostering
CLICK HERE

Donor sperm/eggs CLICK HERE

A great area to get the lowdown on local clinics and meet others in your area
Locations
CLICK HERE

*
The Mens Room~* For DH if he wants to chat to other chaps on here!
[url=http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=89.0]CLICK HERE

That should keep you busy for a while, however don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area
G&B - Community Fun board (newbie chat night every Wednesday 8pm)
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!

Take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Wishing you Friendship  &    

Please let me know how you get on, looking forward to reading some good news from you 

Louj


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## brownowl23 (Jan 3, 2006)

Hi Olga

Lou told me you might need my inspiration. Hope I can be of help.

I took 21 years in total to have success, 2 Dh's (well not sure first one I can call a DH  ) loads of clomid, 4 IUI's, 3 IVF's and 2 DEIVF's. Final result is twin boys who are now nearly 10 months old.

I was 38 when I embarked on Donor Egg. My last two IVf's earlier that year had given me 4 average embryo's on the first attempt, although none made it to freezing and a BFN, and 2 poor quality embryo's on my second attempt and another BFN

Dh's Semen analysis had come back reasonably OK, morphology was a it iffy and count wavered alot dependent on whether he had been drinking alcohol. So he was put on a vitamin regime and whilst we did tx and for 3 months prior alcohol was banned or at very least cut to a glass a week even over Christmas!. 

So once we had the two BFN's, I looked at our results and although we went back for a follow up, by that time I had already decided not to flush any further cash down the pan but to move on to DE. Next question was where! I really scoured and read the abroadies thread and narrowed it down to 6 clinics,  Altra Vita in Moscow, Isida in Ukraine, Invimed in Poland, Fertimed in CZ, IVF centre Chania Greece, and Cape Fertilitey centre (CFC) in Cape Town. 

I then had a list of questions I wanted to ask them and sent it to all. We narrowed it down to a choice of 2 Altra Vita and CFC and plumped for CFC. My reasoning for this was cost, the fact that they wanted us there for 12 days and all monitoring was done there, (it also meant we had to have a holiday and relax) the clinic speak english so no language barriers and the sheer amount of information I could get on the donor whilst still being anonymous ( a 5 page document with a photo as a child).

My Tx cost including flights, accomodation, hire car, food, sightseeing and souveniers, roughly £5.5k. I used a clinic donor. 
Costs as CFC are now higher as they reserve their clinic donors for locals, but there are two agencys you can go through, one is renew which is an american agency which abide by american law as which mean that some donors will keep in contact with you and you can meet them, some still want to remain anonymous. The other agency is new and has been set up by Tertia Albertyn (she has a fantastic blog and book called "so close" about her IVF journey and it was a long one) her agency is called Nurture. Her donors abide by south african ruules so are anonymous, but her fees are about half that of renew. If I didnt have frosties and wanted to go back I would go through Tertia's agency. 

Now as I said I had 2 goes at DEIVF. First go I teansferred 3 embryo's although I think two were growing a little too fast, one did implant but sadly it didnt stay for long. Second time I transferred 3 embryo's and two decided to stay and are hopefully sleeping peacefully upstairs!

Not I imagine that by now you will be in the land of ZZZZZZZZZZZZ's but if your still with me and need a chat or further info please let me know

Chris


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Olgakorbut, welcome to FF. 

I do hope Chris (brownowl) has been able to give you some inspiration and hope for your future. I really can't add anything that can help you decide either way, what to do about your frosties or DE options as I think, something like this really has to be a personal choice...even to the point where logic plays second fiddle to what your heart is telling you is the right thing to do sometimes. The only thing I can say is that you may find you have already made your mind up of sorts and just need the right "push" to affirm it is the right decision but, honestly, whatever you decide will be the right thing for you to do. WHEN you hear your child say "mummy" to you one day...you will know the path you chose was the one for you. And it WILL happen.  

I wish you all the luck with your decision and I hope you can find lots of friends on FF to support you along the way. 

C~x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thank you all so much for sending me lovely messages, I've only just picked these up as I dont think I had notification on every board - well all those I am now on thanks to you all!  I think I have done it right Louj - press the notify key on the top right and it asks if you want to enable new topics, so I said yes. Please correct me if I am being stupid and have got it wrong!!!!!

Just to let you all know I am doing my FET, I know I would have said what if, if I hadnt, it was a hard decision due to the money factor as you know.  So many people have already given me so much inspiration on this board and the lady who originally directed me to it (Nic - who has been on GMTV again last week) is being absolutely fabulous and its lovely to see her pregnant with her twins.

I really had given up hope cause of my age and failed attempts, and the old tarot cards, but now I wont (the cards did bring up the fertility card so maybe that is a good omen I am going down the right route).  So FET currently, and if it fails going abroad - just have to get the money together.  Not looked at the clinic you went to Brownowl so will take a look, but have been printing stuff off today for Athens (Life), Spain x 2 (IM * IVI) and Czech via myivfalternative, so I have it all ready to send loads of questions to them.  Just have to get that elusive job now to help pay for it!

Thanks so much and hopefully I will now start to pick up messages in my in-box on my home email, I did get some but none of yours and not some from other boards.

Best wishes and I will keep you posted on my FET
Kathy xxxx


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

*Hi Olgakorbut,

Welcome to Fertility Friends, you have found an amazing site full of support, information and friendship.

Wishing you all the very best on your journey   and  you get your BFP very soon

Nikki xx*


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## foxylady73 (May 11, 2008)

Hi Olgakorbut and welcome to FF  

You have certainly found a place where others will understand how desperately you want a child.  I think going ahead with FET is the right thing to do otherwise, as you say, you would always be wondering "what if?".

I have come to the end of my IVF journey and am now thinking about going to Spain for donor eggs, I know this is not an easy decision to make.  Louj has left you some brilliant links to find out more about clinics etc and brownowl's advice is invauable (thanks for posting Chris, your story has been really helpful to me as well).

Just want to wish you lots of luck, let us know what the outcome of your FET is.

Foxy x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Just to let you all know I decided to go for my FET today and not have the immune tests as I appear to have had some of the level ones already, so have stopped getting upset and down about what if there was something wrong and just go ahead with it.  Folie was 17mm today, scan tomorrow but OV should be imminent.

Will post this on the other boards I am on so apologies in advance if you read this twice!!!!

Scared to death as its my last shot, but at least I wont be saying what if!

Kathy xxxx


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## foxylady73 (May 11, 2008)

Congratulations Kathy, wishing you lots of luck and 

Foxy x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thanks Foxy, I will keep you posted on progress, xxx


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## brownowl23 (Jan 3, 2006)

Foxy - Im glad that you found my story inspirational. Ive had great advice and encouragement fronm this site and its nice to be able to help others who are yet to acheive their dream.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

OLgakorbbut, congratulations on deciding to go ahead!  Wishing you loads of luck for the thaw and for ET 

Please keep us informed as to how you are getting along. 

C~x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thank you so much Caz, that's so nice of you.  Everytime I come on line I have another lovely message from another lovely person. People are so fab on here!!!!

I will keep you posted as to when my surge decides to happen and when FET will be - just hope they thaw out ok!

thanks again
lots of love and luck to you
Kathy xxx


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