# Wedding Ann



## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Feeling a little p***** off today. It is our 2nd wedding anniversary and after the year of hell I thought we would at least have got a card from MIL (who makes a huge fuss when it is hers). But nothing came in the post and it has upset me. DH and I have had a wonderful weekend so in that sense I am happy but it just goes to show the little support and understanding of what we have been through we get. I know I am being a bit over sensitive but it has just got to me. I wonder how different it would have been if we had been successful in our treatment. Nothing like treating you differently cause you don't have children.

Rant over, thanks for listening or reading.

xx


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi Yamoona

I don't normally post here but seen your post. I hope nobody minds me posting. 

I just wanted to wish you and DH a wonderful anniversary for today.  What a great day it was to get married because it is our 8th anniversary today too!!!

Have loads of cuddles with DH tonight and don't worry about other people - today is your special day for memories of your wedding ((hugs))

T xx


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Happy Anniversary.

Ours is on the 8th (6yrs).  I have to say that you were very brave to be so open with your MIL regarding your situation.  I haven't really plucked up the courage to do so yet because as nice as my MIL is, she is a very 'mumsy' type and lives for her family. I would be very worried that she would take it really badly if she were to ever find out that there is no way I could give her grand kiddies  .  I've just left it open so no discussion ever arises.  I've decided to buy my time, but I am sure at some point she will ask why we haven't started a family, and how good my husband will be with children.

I do hope that your MIL wasn't being nasty by not sending you a card and that it was just good old Royal Mail.

Enjoy your special day and don't let this marr what is really important, your anniversary.


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Yamoona,
Sorry your MIL upset you - and glad you had a nice time with hubby (and that's what matters most I guess). I have come to the conclusion that most people are just oblivious to the pain of negative IVF treatments and miscarriages. Either that or they feel awkward and don't know how to express themselves. I felt upset when nobody in my family (except my Mum, bless her) remembered the anniversary of Grace's death. It was a really big deal to me. I thought - they would remember her birth and I got really upset. In time I thought about it and realised that they weren't being 'cruel' - just thoughtless. I have just 2 friends who are able to remember these specially important occasions and they will phone or send a card - and I cherish their caring friendship and thoughtfulness. I try to do it for them (although I admit that I'm not that great at remembering) and I don't know how they manage it (must have a very good diary system). What I'm trying to say is that I think they are exceptional - and most people just aren't that attentive. All the same, I know how it hurts. I do understand.
Bernie xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Dearest Y, 

My PIL forgot our wedding anniversary this year and I understand how hurtful it is - you feel that it's a flippin' miracle that you've made it thus far and it feels like no-one else has noticed. Aarghhhh!!!!!

Just to - hopefully - give you a brief moment's giggling, I'll share how my hubby let them know they'd forgotten.... A week or so after the date, we were all getting a barbecue ready and my dh put on an appalling hawaian shirt he'd bought on honeymoon. His mother asks when he got it and he says, ' I bought it two years ago this week when I was on honeymoon...!" Drama, tears, pandemonium, and it gave us a good laugh later on! 

Pants to all forgetful relatives and Happy Anniversary from me!

Love, 

MM xxxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

You are so right Maggie it does feel like they haven't noticed. I should mention that FIL and his new wife got us a card and they have been very supportive but those on MIL side, my bridesmaid and DH best man all forgot. My bridesmaid chose my wedding to leave her husband for another women (yes you have read that correctly) so I guess I should not be surprised. But MIL has no excuse.

Yesterday and this morning I felt really alone and down, I expressed to step MIL how I felt and she made me feel better and then I was able to cry (I always need a push to do this). The problem also is that it was this time last year that we had our 2nd ICSI and it failed on the 22nd. Our first attempt was in March last year and this March I totally lost the plot and I am praying that I don't fall apart again this month. My boss has just asked me to come in early tomorrow and with two members of staff off this month there is no way I can take any leave so I have gently reminded her that this is a difficult month for me and she needs to bear with me. So I guess Wedd ann has brought all this up again just like it does in March when it's my birthday. Talk about anniversaries all falling on the same months!!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hope you had a nice anniversary and celebrated the love you have for each other hon!

My outlaws never remember our wedding anniversary, nor much in the way of anything to do with us really - so what you said


> Nothing like treating you differently cause you don't have children.


 really resonated with me! Ever since BIL and his wife got to produce 2 grandchilden myself and DH have been out in the cold... it has its compensations though, it means we don't have to put up with listening to his folks slagging everyone off!

Hope the month passes gently for you - its horrible feeling pressurised at work too when there is a lot going on in your heart/emotionally.

Love
Emcee xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

'Outlaws' like it emcee!!  
Bernie x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Dearest Yamoona, 

Tough stuff happening, I really feel for you hun; having just been through the anniversary of our last failed IUI attempt (01/09) I'm right there with you. 

You know my philosophy; let the grief out, don't fight it, and prepare yourself for the toughest days, have strategies in place (which can include a text buddy - if you want this, let me know) and BE EASY ON YOURSELF!

You know where I am....

Love, 

MM xxx


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## EML (Jul 25, 2005)

Dear Yamoona & All
I've posted before about my MIL-from-hell (or Hyacinth Bouquet to the rest of my family), my in-laws don't remember our anniversary (like you, we have to make a BIG fuss of theirs)...but even worse, I don't even get my birthday acknowledged with a card. My birthday was yesterday... no card, no 'phone call, nothing, yet SIL (who has made my MIL "the proudest grandmother ever") gets presents, flowers, I even have to make her big, personalised cards from said MIL (a hobby of mine). My DH even had the cheek to ask if we could invite them on our celebratory meal out last night!!! I said...no.
So, you're not alone. These old bags seem to think that we are 2nd-class citizens! At least we have each other to understand what it is like!!! (And we can see the funny side and feel quite sorry for the disillusioned old bats).
Love to all
Elaine


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

EML said:


> I even have to make her big, personalised cards from said MIL (a hobby of mine).


Could you make yourself a big "to my DIL" card with YOUR name on it, and when you see your MIL, hand it to her and ask her if she would be a poppet and sign it, as she clearly forgot??


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## EML (Jul 25, 2005)

Dear emmag
WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA... and just the sort of thing I would do! I'll get crafting tonight!!!
Thanks for the idea!!!
Love
Elaine


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

what a fantastic idea! Wish I could be a fly on the wall to see your out laws face !  

Silly  !!! What a horrible lady - sure she isn't related to my  ?  

xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

My luvlies,

It suddenly dawned on me that perhaps there is a secret 'be-a-crap-MIL-just-for-the-heck-of-it' training course somewhere.....

Perhaps we should start the DIL Liberation Front?

Lov, 

MM xxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Already doing it, although it seems from reading your responses here I am not alone in doing so!   Perhaps I can be the mid-England rep?  And you can be the south west rep MM?!  

I make sure that I don't let my MIL away with anything when she starts - oh sisters and brothers of outlaw outrage lets stick together!      

 and big sticking out of tongues and blowing awful loud raspberries   at the flamin' lot of 'em! 

Emcee x


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

hear, hear girls, you have all made me feel so much better. I gently let her know today that it had been our anniversary and that it was also the anniversary this month of last ICSI. I got a lame apology for forgetting anniversary with work being the excuse (whatever) and not a dicky bird of a mention of our lost embies. I was furious especially as she then went on to say how upset her other son was about his granddad having to go into a home as he is very ill. HELLO don't you have 2 sons!!! Must be my imagination. Only one of them must have feelings...... She has also got a surrogate daughter that she loves to tell me about, not realising that she could have me as a daughter if she bothered to make an effort (I lost my own mum when I was 16). My feeling is she looking for potential parents of surrogate grandchildren as her other son is unlikely to give her one. All this from a woman who claims to understand the how infertility makes you feel  


DIL unite - hormone power.....beware


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