# Do you ever know a child is 'the one'? Struggling to make decision



## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Hi I know ultimately only I can answer the question I'm about to ask but just looking for other people's experiences and perspectives. Having been unable to have birth children I'm now looking to adopt. Still want experience of parenting from as young an age as possible so would love a baby, also want more than one child so options were adopt baby now and child a little bit older next time (my age means if I don't adopt a baby now I will be considered too old next time) or adopt a sibling group where one is a baby the other older. I fell in love with a little toddler who also has a two month old sibling. Complications have arisen with the sibling so plan is uncertain now, workers are now looking to adopt toddler on her own. I'm still smitten with her and would love her so much. Adopting her would probably mean dream of having (adopting) a baby is gone though because of reasons outlined above. I'm scared my desire to parent a baby won't go away if I don't act on it. But am equally scared of losing this beautiful little one too. Am stuck and don't know what to do. Anyone had similar experience?


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Hi MissMayhem.  That sounds so tough.  I don't have any words of wisdom as we are still deciding whether to go down the adoption route but I know what you mean about the yearning for a baby.  We were out in town today and every time I saw a baby I ached for one.  People always say to go with your gut feeling but the strong desire for a baby can be difficult to quell.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi MM,


Can only base answer on my personal experience but I wanted a similar experience but in the end we found our boy who came home at 17months. He was a little titch and I have very much felt I had my baby (he wasn't walking when came home). He's so perfect for us and even though we've had challenges I would never trade.


My opinion now is unless they are tiny you Miss quite a few of the "imaginary baby" stages. Even now my strapping 6.5yrs old boy is much younger than his friends and quite happy getting lots of cuddles and babying when he feels he needs it and he's still quite light so I can carry him for bits when he just needs that feeling. 


My advice for what it's worth is a baby stage is just that a stage but the right match and the connection makes everything else worth it as you will be a parent for a lot lot longer than just that stage. 


Hope this helps
X


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Oh and I don't have any yearning for a baby anymore - my boy and his level of need when first home meant we did lots of snuggling and plenty of 121 time just like the baby days (oh and he didn't sleep just like a newborn lol)


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Thank you both for replying, I appreciate it. I know what you mean about that yearning for a baby magicpillow, it's like a physical pain there isn't it. It's good to know that it can go though Gertie179, very reassuring as I'd give anything not to have that desire anymore. I'm going to contact social worker later so she has my reply first thing and say that I'd like to proceed, I anticipate a few obstacles being put in my way but have had enough feedback from others now that I should be supported so hopefully will be ready for that. Thank you again.


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