# Advice on Surrogacy!



## ddoll7 (Mar 14, 2013)

Hi all, I've only been on here a few times nut could really be doing with all the advice I can get. My sister in Law has offered several tyimes to be a surrogate for my hubby and I. She would only be carrying our baby for us so a gestational carrier. Although I know very little about it so far and my 1st meeting with the Dr isn't for a long time yet so would like to educate myself a bit first. Is it true that we might not even be medically matched? What does this mean and how will we find out? I also know that the frozen embryos have to be quarantined for 6 mths which is a bummer. How many tries have you girls had with your surrogate before getting a positive test? Any info would be helpful, thank you!


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## duffy7 (Apr 3, 2011)

Hi,

im in a similar position to you and our sis in law is going to be our surrogate. We have just had egg collection and transfer is next week so no success stories for you, but the process has been quick and relatively easy.

not sure what u mean by medically matched? we didnt have to have any matching done, just as long as she was healthy. If its GS then important thing is your eggs and dh sperm.

as far as quarrantine, our clinic does the new nucleic acid testing for HIV which means only a 4 week sperm quarrantine period and then its defrosted for fertilisation of fresh eggs.

the process from 1st consultation to ET has only been 3/4 months!!

ive found it pretty stright forward, until now when the IVF rollercoaster begins!! 

good luck x


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## SamanthaB (Oct 23, 2011)

Hi, I'm on a secret group on ******** which has experienced surrogates and ip's that should be able to give you advice. If you'd like to join  pm me


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Ladies,

Just board crashing.  I have offered to be a GS to frozen embryo's for my sister next year.  I would be 40 yrs of age, would this be a problem?

X


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## ddoll7 (Mar 14, 2013)

Just testing if this sends.


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## ddoll7 (Mar 14, 2013)

Hi all, sorry about above but I had written a long reply to everyone then it wouldn't post and then I lost it   
Anyway long story short now, I am going to see a Dr that specialises in Surrogacy tomorrow so I guess I will get all my questions answered there. duffy7 I will ask about that tomorrow as I would love to get started sooner than the 6 months quarantine period. It's alll just so hard, sometimes I wonder are we forcing something that's not natural or meant for us...if we were meant to have 2 children then surely the boys would not have died. 

And as for being a GS at 40 I have no idea what the Drs would say but I'm sure you wouldn't be the first! I will keep you all posted about tomorrow!x


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## CKyle (Apr 16, 2013)

Hi there, i have just registered on here so this is my first post, sorry for jumping in your conversations with no advice really xx  I have offered to be a host surrogacy for my cousin and her husband and was just really wanting to speak to people who had been there really? me and my cousin are only at the stage of looking into things, she has been trying through IVF for a while now and i have offered to try and help. I hope all goes well for you all xx


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## olinaiti (Aug 23, 2011)

Don't have answers to all your questions but with us we got a positive preg test with our GS on the first go (using 2 frozen emb of our own egg and sperm) but it didn't work out early on .On the second go with again 2emb but a fresh cycle we got lucky and now have a 1y daughter  ! Our surrogate was 2y older than me (she was 3. I wish you luck !


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## ddoll7 (Mar 14, 2013)

Oh a lot has happened since my last post. We went to the meeting and he was a lovely Dr and has been the first of many to talk some sense as to why my waters might be breaking. He thinks that if I had an abdominal cerclage put in that I would carry a lot longer and my waters may not break as early or not at all. I've seen quite a few professionals and not one of them ever suggested putting this in place in the hope that it would improve my chances to carry further.

He suggested surrogacy was maddness and gave us all the worst case scenarios like our sister in law could die and we would be leaving her 3 children mummy-less just for our own selfish reasons to want another child.... my hubby near ran a mile afterwards and we had ?? regarding whether to go ahead with the surrogacy or not. 

However when I returned home to pick up my daughter from my sis-in-law she burst out crying and said that she now cannot do it for us anyway as her hubby (my hubby's brother) said if she goes through with it he won't stay with her as he's also worried something could go wrong and that she is not thinking clearly about her decision or thinking about the effect it will have on the family if something goes wrong... so we are now left in limbo.... do I give it one more go myself with the internal stitch or do we hope another good samaritan will come along? 

I've been devastated all over again, I just couldn't mentally go through with another pregnancy, and I fell sick knowing that if I had of had a better consultant with the two boys and this internal was already in place then maybe they would be here. And now if they do put it in who is to say that he is right, what if i get it done, get pregnant and cone 20 weeks nothing has changed and my waters breal again.... I've not been great after burying 2 babies what would I be like after burying a 3rd.... a basketcase! 

Any advice from you all would be very much appreciated. I hope you are all doing ok with your own journeys and thank you for all your replies so far! big hugs.x


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## Beachy (Apr 13, 2013)

Doll, that is so much to think about. Take time to think things over so you can be sure in your decision. You don't want to always think , what if.

No-one would think anything less of you if you decided you could not risk the heart break of another pregnancy. 
I know how you feel about feeling about sister in law. My wonderful friend offered to be a surrogate for us, her husband wasn't keen but would support her, but she wouldn't be able to do it because of having high blood pressure in previous pregnancies. I felt devastated as I really felt we had found light at the end of the tunnel


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## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Im so sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to wish you luck for whatever you decide.

I have done alot of research on cerclege as our lovely surrogate had to have one at 18 weeks. I have read lots about TAC's and they seem to be quite successful in helping to sustain a pregnancy. There's a thread on ic which might help you. The ladies on there are fab and lots of them have had TAC's after losing their angel babies.

Daisy. Xxx


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