# Working full-time and IVF - how do you cope??



## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi,
We're about to embark on our first round of IVF and i'm feeling v v anxious about it - i've just started a new job and now i'm wondering how i'm going to tell my employer about it (the good thing is that my manager has just had IVF with his wife and they recently had their first baby). However, the problem is, work is so so busy - i left my old job to work closer to home and be in a role which is less stressful but this job is so much more stressful to the point where it has really impacted my eczema (which isn't usually an issue) and it is really bad - on my face and body. I really don't know what to do - how does everyone else cope? I hate the fact that i'm so stressed out. There's no opportunity for me to work from home and i have to be in the office everyday, they're not very flexible unlike my old employer. So, what do people do? I'm so worried as IVF is so important for us and i really don't want to be this stressed!

Betty x


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

It is stressful, but its easier once it starts I think.

Depending on your protocol and your response you might only need 2-3 scans/blood tests during the stimulation phase. These are mostly done early morning, although they may sometimes be on consecutive days. Egg collection is set, you will not be able to work that day, even if you don't have GA or heavy sedation you probably wouldn't feel up to work. Embryo transfer is often afternoons and you can go from work and go back to work if you want to.

I was off sick from about day 5 of stims to just after OTD, but I had OHSS so was quite poorly. I signed myself as sick for 5 days and then my GP signed me off after that.

For following attempts i used holiday leave.

You need to do what's best for you, and it that's asking your GP to sign you off for a few weeks, ir taking annual leave (if you have accrued any yet) then do that. I also would have struggled to work during treatment: My job is not flexible, I deal with potentially violent people, and have to travel about a lot for work. However, lots of people work through with minimal time off. 

The time off wont affect how it works or not, but it can affect how you cope with it all and therefore putting yourself first is your number one priority.

If you have a look on the useful threads sticky there is a link to a few posts that might be helpful for you about time off and telling people about treatment.

If you are feeling so stressed with work maybe a chat with your GP will help. They can always sign you off with "gynie procedure" if you don't want to tell work why you are off. Alternatively they can sign you off with "reactive stress" if you are being open with them. There is nothing wrong with being off sick for this, and if you have a stressful job (and you have my sympathy, my eczema always gets worse when I'm stressed) then maybe its the best thing for you.

Good luck xxx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Cloudy,
Thanks for your reply - i'm hoping it will be a short protocol as i have pre-existing medical conditions which would make long protocol v hard for me (very bad hormonal migraines) and i've seen the consultant at the hospital privately to discuss this before we go ahead. I've had medicated IUI before via menopur so I roughly know the process but in my old job, it wasn't anywhere as stressful as this!

I'll take a look at the useful threads and see what i can find but thnks for replying xx


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hi Bettyville,

Sorry to hear you are stressed, I feel the same but also maybe it's because it's our first time as cloudy says once you know what to expect might not be so bad once it gets going. 

I'm assuming if you're in a new job you don't have any holiday days yet? 

Are you doing any reflexology, Acupuncture meditation or yoga? I think in these stressful times even a massage can help chill you out a bit. I'm getting Reflexology and its so good.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i think you should talk to your boss about the eczema/stress because if your immune system is already being affected it might negatively impact on your tx. there may be small changes you could make at work that might help. for example getting outside every couple of hours for some fresh air, or getting a better chair, or introducing donut friday, or diverting the phones for the morning so you get to work uninterrupted...depends what you do, but it is important you arent stressed for a few weeks. try some relaxation videos on you tube, you could watch one before work and another on lunch and another in the evening... have things to look forward to to treat yourself. don't forget the gummy bears!*


(ivf is tough, don't make it hard on yourself, reminder about the gummy bears is because i had some after each injection, make sure you do somthing nice don't make it all about stress) good luck


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
Thanks for your reply. I'm actually doing all three - yoga, meditation and reflexology! I have an appt next weekend luckily. However, I have been slack on my yoga & meditation as I've been so tired with work as its so full on! But I know I really need to get back into it.
It's just so hard and I'm really feeling the pressure at the moment, so much so that I'm seriously considering quitting my role. I've actually been in my role for a few months now so I do have 4 days accrued and by June, should have 6 days in total. Luckily, im having treatment close to work (it's about 30mins on the bus) so that's helpful but I really do need to speak to my manager as I'm not coping and that's v clear and before he piles on more pressure he needs to be aware of treatment plus I also want to gauge his response and if he's not supportive, I'll know where I stand! I'm currently contracting so I have one weeks notice (until mid may) but he's cancelled our 121 tomorrow when I wanted to discuss it! I'll be sure to find time this week to tell him though as I have blood tests and our co-ordination appt will be soon too so I'll be taking more time off. I'm also going to see if I can work part time - they're not keen on it but it will help me I know!

Oh the joys!
Betty



Jengles said:


> Hi Bettyville,
> 
> Sorry to hear you are stressed, I feel the same but also maybe it's because it's our first time as cloudy says once you know what to expect might not be so bad once it gets going.
> 
> ...


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## Laura14 (Nov 22, 2014)

Hi bettyville

I was on a short protocol and didn't cope very well with the side effects and I was really stressed out. I went and spoke to my GP and they signed me off for a few weeks. 

Remember to make time for yourself and do what will be best for you   

Xxx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Ladies,
Thank you for your lovely kind words. Quick question does anyone use any particular meditation CD's / has anyone tried the Circle and Bloom ones - i want to download some  onto my phone which i can listen to when commuting on the train.

Hope to speak to my manager this week about how i'm feeling - let's see what he says, feeling really nervous about this!

Thank you 
Betty


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Sorry your one-to-one was cancelled, I hope you get it rearranged soon so you can speak to your boss.

There is a link to meditation recommendations on the Useful Links thread.

Good luck xxx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Cloudy, 
Thanks for this. 
My 121 did take place yesterday - I told my manager about our IVF thinking it was going to be taking place in June however, our letter just came through for the end of June, so it could be in mid-July / August! Can't believe i told him! I really just want to move on with it all now.

Anyway, whilst he was very supportive, it just seems that they aren't a v flexible company - i mentioned that I don't feel i'm coping v well and want to work part-time if possible but he didn't seem to respond + I also mentioned my anxiety issues as a result of this all but it just seems that it's either full-time or nothing!

I really do not like this job - wish I listened to my gut instinct which wasn't sure about taking the role! Keep trying to tell myself to try and hold out for another 3 months (would've been there for over 6 months by then) and then to leave but it's so hard to say motivated!! Stress and work, stress at home - don't make for a good combination!

Betty x



Cloudy said:


> Sorry your one-to-one was cancelled, I hope you get it rearranged soon so you can speak to your boss.
> 
> There is a link to meditation recommendations on the Useful Links thread.
> 
> Good luck xxx


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## lolly1121 (Apr 28, 2011)

Hi bettyville,

I feel your pain, I have a high flying sales job never missed a target in 15 months then I had my first ivf cycle in February my job isn't flexible and very stressful. I ended up missing quite a bit of time I got signed off by doctor. 
My ivf clinic is 2 hours away and I am using a surrogate so I down regulated for 5 weeks and stimmed for 15 days it was difficult.

We got pregnant but it wasn't viable at 6 weeks now I'm back at work and looking to go again June/ July. My boss has made it clear I have had a negative impact on the business and it won't be supported again so I feel so miserable.

Torn between staying and getting good money or leaving and getting my body in a good position for the next cycle. Xx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi lolly1121
Wow - sounds like you are having a much tougher time than me, so sorry to hear that! How awful is your manager!! Sounds like a v v tough situation for you - you defo don't need this stress.
Is there anyway of taking any time off without your manager knowing or taking on sick leave? Your boss sounds horrendous.

AFM, my manager was so supportive but it's me, i really haven't settled into my new role, so tempted just to leave but i'm desperately trying to get to 6 months, if i can do that then i can leave.

Betty



lolly1121 said:


> Hi bettyville,
> 
> I feel your pain, I have a high flying sales job never missed a target in 15 months then I had my first ivf cycle in February my job isn't flexible and very stressful. I ended up missing quite a bit of time I got signed off by doctor.
> My ivf clinic is 2 hours away and I am using a surrogate so I down regulated for 5 weeks and stimmed for 15 days it was difficult.
> ...


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Oh ladies, I do feel sorry for all of us in this situation. How are we supposed to be calm and get through all this with so much work drama. Betty any further news from your manager? Did he mention anything about part time? Any chance of working from home?

Lolly sorry to hear about your boss too. It's a shame there isn't more understanding about how difficult it all is and how we are expected to do it all. 

I'm the main breadwinner in our house and although it's not very PC sometimes I wish I could not worry about money so much and take some time to destress.  

Take care of yourselves this weekend


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
I spoke to my manager - although he's v supportive of our situation, working from home / part-time just isn't an option - i feel so trapped but i'm trying to get through until our first IVF appt which is 7 weeks away!!!! Also looking at new roles so if anything comes up, i will consider moving on. 
What a horrible situation we are all in - it's just rubbish. Like you jengles, i do wish i could not work for a little while, just want to have some time off to concentrate on me.

Betty



Jengles said:


> Oh ladies, I do feel sorry for all of us in this situation. How are we supposed to be calm and get through all this with so much work drama. Betty any further news from your manager? Did he mention anything about part time? Any chance of working from home?
> 
> Lolly sorry to hear about your boss too. It's a shame there isn't more understanding about how difficult it all is and how we are expected to do it all.
> 
> ...


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hi Betty

When I was feeling atmy lowest I googled yoga retreats and went away for the weekend. It was just the Saturday and part of Sunday but all the mediation and chilled tree huggers really helped and made me feel amazing. Do you think something like that might help? If you are stressed with work, dealing with fertility issues and looking for a new job you have a lot on. Might just need a bit of headspace xx


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## Mrsfergie83 (Dec 5, 2015)

I can totally sympathise with you. I'm due to transfer to another job but probably not until August.  And I was nervous enough about that as had to tell them I was waiting on ivf. But got my letter last week to go to my first app with nurse in 3 weeks so if all goes well I may actually be starting before start job and really anxious about it. But I work for the council and they have now finally pit in place a policy for people going through ivf and they said that entitled to time off for app n that. So maybe u should ask them if they have any policies which might reassure you a little xx


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## sunshine and clouds (Sep 28, 2014)

Hi Bettyville,

Just wanted to wish you all the best with your cycle.  IVF  is stressful... especially the first cycle!! There are so many little hurdles you have to jump through, and I think you only really get a sense of that once you're doing it.  So don't beat yourself up too much if you feel stressed. It is stressful, and yet it still works for people. It's good that you've confided in your boss, at least you have someone who knows what you're going to be doing so hopefully that will take the pressure off a bit. Some of the meds may make you a bit moody. If you're really struggling, see if you can get the doctor to sign you off work - then you will just have to deal with the IVF.  However it is totally doable at work if you have to.  I've done all three cycles at work and you do learn to just get on with it.  My second cycle was far more relaxed, whether that was cause we knew what to expect or whether it was the acupuncture, who knows.  But I would totally recommend acupuncture if you get a good fertility specialist.  Mine is almost like a therapist and knows every in and out of ivf   The acupuncture is also relaxing and gives you an hour a week to chill with your own body and focus on creating lovely eggs.

Anyway, that was a bit of a ramble. Good luck with your cycle!!! Here's hoping the pitter patter of little feet are coming your way x


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
I would love to go on a yoga retreat - it's actually something we've been trying to book for this year (at some point). Recently, i haven't been doing yoga or meditation which is so bad especially as my eczema and anxiety are at all time highs!

I've decided that i will stay in this role but look for part-time work if possible. At the end of the day, i'm on a contract role which is 6 months to 1 year so in theory, i could leave in August if i wanted to - this gives me options which i'm thankful for as a perm 5 day a week with everything going on just isn't right for me (unless they have loads of flexibility, this place doesn't).
I've applied for 1 role already and have started to look at short-term contracting options too - there are options, I just need to keep myself calm & focused on August. 6 months in a contract role won't look too bad on my CV - just got to keep that in mind!

How are you doing? How's work for you??

Betty xx



Jengles said:


> Hi Betty
> 
> When I was feeling atmy lowest I googled yoga retreats and went away for the weekend. It was just the Saturday and part of Sunday but all the mediation and chilled tree huggers really helped and made me feel amazing. Do you think something like that might help? If you are stressed with work, dealing with fertility issues and looking for a new job you have a lot on. Might just need a bit of headspace xx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi,
Thanks for your reply. I'm also counting down to August, i'm planning on moving on from this role then but it could also coincide with our IVF treatment too. You're lucky that you have an IVF policy at work, my place doesn't - i did have a look on the intranet but there's no mention of it, only maternity / paternity or adoption leave. 
Just got to keep my head down and focus on the now, rather than getting worked up which really triggers my eczema / anxiety. My first IVF appointment isn't until end of June, i cannot believe how far away it is! Going to keep calling to see if they have any cancellations.

How are you feeling?



Mrsfergie83 said:


> I can totally sympathise with you. I'm due to transfer to another job but probably not until August. And I was nervous enough about that as had to tell them I was waiting on ivf. But got my letter last week to go to my first app with nurse in 3 weeks so if all goes well I may actually be starting before start job and really anxious about it. But I work for the council and they have now finally pit in place a policy for people going through ivf and they said that entitled to time off for app n that. So maybe u should ask them if they have any policies which might reassure you a little xx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Sunshine and clouds,
Thanks for your message. I guess it's hard not to be stressed! Such much to handle and work and home is usually where you relax but with IVF that's not an option. I guess i'm not worried about me being so stressed but what does stress me out is work not being flexible! I'm counting down, i've decided that i have to take the risk, work part-time and do what's right for me. It's true, IUI does help with the preparation, esp as i've been on x3 medicated (injections) cycles plus also having one of those cancelled due to OHSS - so i'm semi used to the roller coaster that i may face. However, i want to give myself a chance and being stressed at work may not help, i know it will keep my mind of everything but international travel and full day meetings just won't do me any good! (I think!!)

How are you getting on now??



sunshine and clouds said:


> Hi Bettyville,
> 
> Just wanted to wish you all the best with your cycle. IVF is stressful... especially the first cycle!! There are so many little hurdles you have to jump through, and I think you only really get a sense of that once you're doing it. So don't beat yourself up too much if you feel stressed. It is stressful, and yet it still works for people. It's good that you've confided in your boss, at least you have someone who knows what you're going to be doing so hopefully that will take the pressure off a bit. Some of the meds may make you a bit moody. If you're really struggling, see if you can get the doctor to sign you off work - then you will just have to deal with the IVF. However it is totally doable at work if you have to. I've done all three cycles at work and you do learn to just get on with it. My second cycle was far more relaxed, whether that was cause we knew what to expect or whether it was the acupuncture, who knows. But I would totally recommend acupuncture if you get a good fertility specialist. Mine is almost like a therapist and knows every in and out of ivf  The acupuncture is also relaxing and gives you an hour a week to chill with your own body and focus on creating lovely eggs.
> 
> Anyway, that was a bit of a ramble. Good luck with your cycle!!! Here's hoping the pitter patter of little feet are coming your way x


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## Mrsfergie83 (Dec 5, 2015)

Hi betty, I no it seems ages away but it will fly In hopefully. My first app is the middle of June, but going on holiday on Thursday so I'm hoping I can try relax and enjoy myself xx hope everything goes well for you and hopefully as off August I'll feel more relaxed xx


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hi Bettyville

Sounds like you have some good options for part time etc that all sounds really positive.

Definitely try and do some yoga or something this week, promise it will make you feel better. Maybe you can make an apt with yourself and make sure your husband/boyfriend gets you to stick to it.

Work is OK, I'm not letting it get to me this week. Got apt with the hospital this morning, hopefully we will get referred for our treatment, I'm really nervous as the last apt wasn't very nice at all.



Bettyville said:


> Hi Jengles,
> I would love to go on a yoga retreat - it's actually something we've been trying to book for this year (at some point). Recently, i haven't been doing yoga or meditation which is so bad especially as my eczema and anxiety are at all time highs!
> 
> I've decided that i will stay in this role but look for part-time work if possible. At the end of the day, i'm on a contract role which is 6 months to 1 year so in theory, i could leave in August if i wanted to - this gives me options which i'm thankful for as a perm 5 day a week with everything going on just isn't right for me (unless they have loads of flexibility, this place doesn't).
> ...


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
How did your appt go??



Jengles said:


> Hi Bettyville
> 
> Sounds like you have some good options for part time etc that all sounds really positive.
> 
> ...


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Mrsfergie83,
Enjoy your hols! I'm calling the hospital every few days to see if there's been a cancellation! Doubt it will happen but need to keep trying! Have a fab & v relaxing holiday xx



Mrsfergie83 said:


> Hi betty, I no it seems ages away but it will fly In hopefully. My first app is the middle of June, but going on holiday on Thursday so I'm hoping I can try relax and enjoy myself xx hope everything goes well for you and hopefully as off August I'll feel more relaxed xx


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hey Betty

It was really good thanks. I think less traumatic because I knew it was likely we'd get an ivf referral whereas last time it was a massive shock that they mentioned it (think i was in denial)

So we had some more tests, had to do blood and pee test and check bmi etc. I think it was more light-hearted as hubby was there who is always making jokes and we did want to go for ivf. 

Doctor wanted to refer us there and then and wanted us to pick a clinic i told him no we'd have to research and decide, he has said some silly things, nice guy but doesn't really seem to have a clue. 

So I have written some panic posts on other parts of the forum trying to work out where we think we should go. I went into full project manager and started a pros and cons chart. The hfea website is really helpful. 

Hubby managed to get us into an open evening at crgh which we just got back from, so it's all systems go. With any luck within next 2 cycles I will be in treatment! 

Just trying to decide between create and crgh


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
Glad to hear your appt went well.
I defo think it's worth visiting all clinics (if possible) before making a decision & also take a step back and don't let your heart take over! You do need to make a proper informed decision - weighing up factors like: travel time, parking, facilities as well as success rates + most importantly finances; private clinics can cost so much and that can be a stress in itself! I saw on some forums that people have paid upto £25K at some places!
I've been to both Create and CRGH to have a look around - there is a forum for create & quite an active CRGH thread, you may want to get feedback from there. Currently, we've decided not to go to either - we had quite a bad experience at one on their admin side which put us right off.
Good luck with your decision xx


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi ladies,
How is everyone?? I'm doing just "ok" - trying hard to keep focused at work but it's becoming more and more difficult and more and more stressful too. I pretty much spend all day in meetings (with no lunch as they like to schedule meetings over lunch too!) and just generally rushing my work as i'm always strapped for time. I'm now 2 weeks away from being 4 months into my contract and will then have 2 months left before I can leave - getting v stressed about it all and really just want to leave! 

To top it all off, someone saw me using this site at work today!!!! OMG!

How's everyone else? Thankful it's a bank holiday!!!!


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hi Betty 

Sorry to hear things are bad at work. I block out an hour for lunch into my diary and label.it outbid office, sometimes I have a critical meeting but most of the time people respect that I am doing something. I either walk for an hour or now sometimes I run, def a good way to destress. Could you try that for a week? See if it works. Do you have any work buddies? Sometimes that makes a difference. I have a girl that we can have a walk and a woman about people which helps. 

Ooh cringe, I think someone saw it on my phone over my shoulder too the "fertility friends" header does not hide anything does it haha oh well sod them. Esp if you're only there for a couple of months and you told a manager too. 

Hope you can do something restful over the 3 day break, you sound like you need a massage


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## Bettyville (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Jengles,
Hope you had a nice bank holiday weekend! Where did you decide to have your treatment in the end??

I think i really do need to start blocking out time in my diary for lunch, i'm only having a break once a week or less! When i do have a break, i try (if weather is good!) to get out of the office and go somewhere quiet to meditate but it's often not possible!

I have almost two months left - any tips of how to get through? I have a note of things i'm looking forward too e.g. this week, i'll be Working from Home on one day (they don't really let you work from home here which is just silly!!), then i have a day off coming up and a concert to look forward too at the end of the month too. But i'm taking it day-by-day at the moment!! Luckily, we have meetings pretty much 5 hours of the day so time does go fast!

Betty



Jengles said:


> Hi Betty
> 
> Sorry to hear things are bad at work. I block out an hour for lunch into my diary and label.it outbid office, sometimes I have a critical meeting but most of the time people respect that I am doing something. I either walk for an hour or now sometimes I run, def a good way to destress. Could you try that for a week? See if it works. Do you have any work buddies? Sometimes that makes a difference. I have a girl that we can have a walk and a woman about people which helps.
> 
> ...


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