# IVF - need advice



## Poppy2 (Sep 25, 2008)

Can anyone out there help me.  My DH and I have just had confirmation that my eggs are rubbish!  I was so stressed when we were given the results that I found it difficult to take in all the info.  I was told that my DH is fine, but after tests my results should be 10-15% but is only 1.24%.  Chance of IVF is only 5% but even then specialist was quite vague.  As we are at a private clinic it is difficult to establish if they just want to take our money!  He suggested I find a friend who would donate an egg.  Can't bring myself to do this even though my friend has offered as I would always feel it would be her child.  I have been awake all night and as I am a born worrier I am asking myself is it worth trying IVF or is it time to throw in the towel!  Situation not helped as my brother has just told me they are PG with their 3rd child.  My DH was reluctant to have children at first, but in the last 6months he has supported me.  I can't help but beat myself up a bit as if I had encouraged him years ago and we might not be in this situation.  Anyone else been through anything similar (I am 41 DH is 44)


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## chloe99 (Aug 27, 2008)

Hi there - am not in your situation, but don;t want to read and run.  Have you got any more info about your results?  I don't know what the % is referring to.  Have you got some blood work results you cld post up, maybe fsh, lh and tsh to begin?  There's a test some ladies have for ovarian reserve as well. Are you ovulating regularly?  Any other probs for you like tubes, endo, polycyctic ovaries etc, hows dh's sperm sample looking?

I would think at 41 probably best to move quite quickly to high tech assisted conception (ivf/icsi etc) more quickly than someone in early 30s who might give iui or clomid a go

5% sounds like a small chance but not as low as many are quoted.  In fact, 3 cycles gives you a 1 in 6/7 or so chance of taking home a baby, which is quite good and encouraging.

xx


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Poppy

    I just wanted to say that sometimes you have to go through IVF with your own eggs to get closure before moving on to the next step (whatever that might be)- although you do have to be ready to make the financial and emotional investment in something with a low chance of success.  I'm not sure what tests you've had already but an IVF cycle can be very useful in helping to see how you respond to treatment.  Before you have a cycle, it is really a matter of guesswork and, in my opinion, luck also plays a part in how things turn out.  Your consultant has been realistic with you but if you don't feel comfortable with his suggestions, why not get a consultation at another clinic which treats older women?  If you do go down the IVF own eggs route, you want to be at a clinic where they will take a positive approach to your tx.

Also, if you are ready to take a gamble, I wouldn't be too hung up on the stats you have been quoted.  Even for younger women the odds of success with IVF are low.  Yes, the odds for over-40s are even lower - I was quoted just a couple of percent chance of success on my third IVF cycle with my own eggs (after 2BFNs and 9.5 years ttc).  However, this was still much, much higher than the chance of a natural BFP so I felt that IVF was still a positive choice.  Going through IVF is not easy (understatement ...) but I personally needed to try again, despite the odds, as I wasn't ready at that point to move on.  We were incredibly lucky and got a BFP and a beautiful little girl as a result of that cycle.  

Hope these thoughts help a bit with your decision-making process.  

Ellie


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Poppy2

You asked if anyone else is in the same position as you - with respect to the regrets about not starting sooner and persuading your DH to start earlier - well I feel the same as you and have the same regrets as you  and when things go wrong (like recently with our failed tx due to non fertilisation) then the regrets are deeper. We and our DHs are roughly the same age - we have been trying for a long time, but I too had to do alot of persuading at first (though DH is totally on board now, and has been for many years) - we never imagined when we were starting out that we would be where we are now or that after the testing etc, they would discover the problems that we now know we have.

I know that feeling of time running out - I do agree with the others about not getting too hung up on stats - but on the other hand they are also there and it is normal to reflect uupon them.

I don't mean to be negative, but if you had asked me two years ago i would still have had that hope that WE would be the lucky ones - what i would say though is that I have come to realise that for every successful journey there are lots of ladies who have not been successful, and you want to try and protect yourself a little through your journey, because it is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to experience in my life, and i would not wish this on anybody.

It is difficult to explain what you have to go through to people who have not been through it (like friends and family) and sometimes it is the case that you have to choose who to tell, and who not to tell. And this is where FF will help - because there is always someone who has been or is going through your scenario (though for everyone the experience is unique).

I would say, do proceed as quickly as you can, and don't wait any longer. And keep yourself as informed as possible - and of course, the best of luck to you and your DH for your journey ahead.

Nbr


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## elinor (Jul 4, 2008)

Dear Poppy

I know I am not in the same situation, as I am single so only waited to start treatment until I thought I could fund it (and was in a position work-wise were I thought I could cope for the future with a baby - should have started sooner as finances are all gone now and yet I am still managing!); but hope you don't mind my posting anyway.

I understand how difficult it can be to hear bad news - I have the whole AMH and ovarian assessment done before my last treatment, and it meant my quoted odds went down quite a bit (my FSH level has always been fine, so previously they didn't really know as much about the ovarian reserve). However, numbers and statistics are just numbers - you are a unique individual, and should be treated as such. One thing I would suggest is that you look into whether there are clinics that would treat your age/ profile better than others and also be prepared to move to a different clinic if things don't go well (not just automatically if you don't get the right result first time, but eg if you decide to try a couple of times and don't get a great response first go and the clinic doesn't talk about changing the treatment protocol to suit your response...) The Lister treats women with high FSH, for example. check out a few options on the HFEA website - they produce stats for all the clinics, and while you don't want that to be your only deciding factor it helps to know that clinic x only treats 13 women over 40 per year, where clinic y has treated a lot more.

I am looking at trying again with my own eggs, but have also put my name down on donor egg waiting lists.... I have also found speaking to a counsellor regularly has been really really helpful. If you have regrets about not starting sooner/ not persuading your DH (but why is it up to you to do the persuading? surely it has to be when it is right for both of you - which is NOW) then I would recommend finding a good counsellor (some clinics this is FREE - make the most of it!!). It can help you feel you are being positive about things, and have dealt with regrets etc and are 'free' to hope...

All best wishes and please keep us posted - remember that even if the odds are less than 1% you could still be that less than 1%. A

Another positive thing - HFEA averages for women at 40-42 have increased to 10% per cycle, when just two years ago it was 4%. Basically this is because there are more clinics now that know what they are doing with this age group, and have protocols that stand a better chance of working! 

good luck with your choices and treatment
elinor


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## Poppy2 (Sep 25, 2008)

Thanks for all your support and replies.  I really don't know where to turn as my DH has now said that he doesn't think it is worth going through IVF as the chance of success is so low.  I really thought he was on board with this now, but I am hearing all the same excuses, too old etc etc. My thoughts are lets give it one last go (if I can persuade him), but I can also understand him asking 'when will this end'.  I also feel quite angry and frustrated that when I was under the NHS they never mentioned that there was a problem, just we were both fine (tubes etc) and I was responding well to clomid.  When we went private and got our results on Monday we were not given any results like FSH levels etc, we were just told that my DH was fine and I was well below the level that I should be for my age.  I have contacted the clinic and am paying for them to send me copies of my results (am amazed you have to pay extra for this!).  We don't have alot of choice of clinics as we are based in the Lake District and it has been taking 2 hours to get to the clinic as it is.  This all adds to the stress levels when you are working full time and I really don't want my boss knowing what is going on).  Doesn't it feel like everyone is PG except you sometimes!?!? I work for a small company and we have 8 staff who are PG.  I really admire your strength Elinor, I am finding it hard enough to face this, never mind having to handle this on your own.  You know Ellie I feel exactly the same, I never even imagined that I would be the one not being able to have children.  I feel for you all, this is so hard!  Thank god I found FF!!


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## Poppy2 (Sep 25, 2008)

I have now received written copies of my results and one of my ovaries contains a collapsed corpus luteum.  My AMH level is only 1.49 and after ringing the clinic and speaking to someone else then have told me that it isn't worth going through IVF as my results are so low.  I am seeing a councillor next week to try and come to terms with this.  Good luck to everyone who replied and I really to wish you the best of luck.


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi Poppy I am so sorry to read your news, is it not worth getting a second opinion ?? I don't know how many tests etc you have had done, but maybe it might be worth trying more tests ??

Take care
Love Jo
x x x


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## Poppy2 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Jo I don't know where to turn.  I am going to my GP next week with the test result to try and get more clarity.  I started ttc 2 yrs ago, step-sister midwife and encouraged me to go and get checked out.  On NHS had tubes checked all ok, consultant said I was responding to treatment (clomid) very well and everything was ok. Only found out on Monday from private clinic I had problems.  Whilst trying to conceive DF was ill and passed away.  I now only have my DH as my DM and DS all have passed away so I have no immediate family left.  Trying not to feeling sorry for myself but desperately wanted my own family.


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Poppy, I reslly hope you get some understanding from your GP, and hope he can help with maybe more tests.

I am so sorry for your loses, please take care of yourself.

Love Jo
x x x


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## elinor (Jul 4, 2008)

Poppy, I am so sorry to hear your test results. Have you tried looking at the Poor Responder thread? There are women there who have had AMH results worse than yours and gone on to get pregnant. AMH is seen as 70% predictive of response to fertility drugs - this must mean that for 30% of women it doesn't really predict how they will do (one of the PR girls stunned everyone by getting 11 eggs recently). If you have decided that this is the end of the road for you then I hope I am not upsetting you by posting this, I just find it frustrating that some clinics seem to quote doom and gloom on the basis of test results that show you might not be the BEST responder, but all this means is that they weed out their starting candidates and end up with better statistics because they make some women give up hope. There are clinics that treat more older women, and those with low AMH or high FSH - the Lister in London is quoted by some as being quite good. If the clinic were not inspiring you I would at least get a second opinion from somewhere taht might offer more - if London is too far for you to travel then check the HFEA website and look up the results for the clinics you might consider and see how many women in your age group they actually work with. 
I hope you and your dh can get through this, and feel more united however things work out.
best wishes
Elinor x


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## Poppy2 (Sep 25, 2008)

Thanks for your support Elinor and I didn't know about the thread, so will pop across and have a look. Thanks for the info too as I wasn't aware of this.  I really can't believe how stressful this is and after receiving the results my DH wants to stop ttc as he is soon to be 45.  I am going to Manchester for some counselling on Thursday and need to get my head round this as I still feel like I am in shock.  I keep reading about success stories and just wish it could happen to us.  You have been through so much yourself, I really will keep everything crossed for you in January. Poppy xx


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Poppy

I am sorry that your AMH levels are low and this obviously makes your chances of success with IVF less likely.  However, I agree with Elinor about going onto the poor responders thread so that you can find out a bit more about things before you come to a decision.  Only you and your DH can decide whether you want to try tx or if the odds are just too low for you. PS: I am a bit puzzled that your clinic have mentioned a collapsed corpus luteum as a problem - I'm not an expert by any means but I wouldn't have thought that that indicated a fertility problem in itself, unless there is something related to it that they haven't mentioned. (Google it and you will see what I mean).

Anyway, my experience of 9.5 years ttc (most of them in the depths of despair) was that doing as much research as possible definitely helps you feel a bit more in control and able to make the best decisions for you.


   

Ellie


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