# If you were to advise a 44 year old...



## WildLife (Jan 2, 2006)

I have a friend who tried with various donors for 11 years.  She gave up about 18 months ago and then this morning called me out of the blue.  She was confused and upset as she is having second thoughts.  She never tried any medical intervention and was always dead set against it.

Maybe my attempts (DIUI 3 times and 2 ICSI so far) are what has made her re-think but she wants to know the options.  Because of diary and holiday clashes we aren't meeting for 2 weeks but I wonder what anyone of here would say to her.

I plan to explain there are several options but in her place I would go straight for ICSI.  She knows nothing about her body insofar as whether her eggs are ok.  She did have all the usual NHS tests years ago and her tubes are fine, she ovulates, her womb is healthy so there are no glaring reasons and the Drs always shrugged and said they don't know why.

Any ideas how I can best help her?

Thanks


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Wrin

how old is your friend, that is the critical thing!?

I would advise your friend to try everything and anything whilst she still can! - Life is very short and time passes by very quickly, befor eyou know it- it can be too late and it would be awful for her not to have treid any medical intervention at all and look back and regret it.

I only know about IVF, but I know there are lost of other proceedures that just help place the sperm in the right place at the right time without loads of drugs etc.

Sorry I can t be more helpful

Karen x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi Wrin

sorry not to reply earlier, hope you haven't already met up.  

Hmm it's a tough one as at her age of course you wouldn't want her to slow the process.  But if she's always been dead set against the treatment route perhaps IUI would be a more gentle introduction to the world of tx. You know yourself how much hard work an IVF cycle is.  And IUI can work, even though it's generally a more hit and miss process.  But perhaps one or two cycles of IUI and then I'm sure the docs anyway would be advising she moved on to something that at least gets her some embryos so she'll know more about what's going on.    

I would certainly advise ICSI first off instead of IVF.  When I did my first cycle which was IVF and got very low fertilisation (1 out of 10) I was gutted that I'd 'wasted' a cycle - though at the time we had no idea my eggs were the problem and now we did - I couldn't help but think if I'd only done ICSI then who knows how many embryos I might have had.....  although two cycles later I only ever had enough to use 2 each cycle and none to freeze... but still.  It would definitely save her the heartache and effort (and cost) of a cycle if she then discovers there are problems with fertilisation.  

I'd also advise she sees an acupuncture specialising in fertility and infertility tx.  I can recommend a good one if she's anywhere near London.  I'm very sure that although when I had all the usual tests done, they didn't show that I had some issues with my womb which made it a very unwelcoming place for an embryo and that without sorting that and my AFs out I wouldn't have conceived regardless of the issues with my eggs....  no one ever asked me what my periods were like through all that treatment!

At 44 she needs to throw everything at it, does she chart her cycle?  When she's been doing her inseminations I presume she's been doing it with perfect timing? 
I would recommend Zita West's book to her and Marilyn Grenville's book too - good eating and taking care of herself is important. 

I guess it depends alot on how much she can afford.

I hope she makes a decision she's happy with.

Claire x


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