# Everyone seems to be having baby number two



## Rachel15

Hi

Just needed to type how I am feeling today.  Very sad...........................

My little boy is two, my little IUI miracle.

I have had two lots of IUI in an attempt to conceive number two and so far no success.  Planning another go in March, then back to the consultant we go.

Yesterday, I found out one of my closest friends is pregnant again.  I am so happy for her, but I wish it was me too.  I am 40, and struggled to conceive from my mid-thirties.  My friend is a lot younger than me and didn't struggle to have her first.  I am surrounded in my circle of mummy friends with second babies but it has hit me really hard this time. 

Just needed to write this down.  My husband doesn't understand.  He thinks that I am silly thinking it won't happen again for us.

Thanks for reading XX


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## magz1

hi rachel15 first of all your not silly that is the way your feeling. we are embarking on trying for another round of ivf for a sibling for our little one, but i`m a little older than you. i concieved my little one at 42 gave birth at 43 and at 44 we are trying again. i hope two of us get our dream. magz xxxxxx


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## westo

Hi Rachel, you are not silly for feeling this way, it is so hard when friends start having second babies without a second thought, and yet its so hard for many of us to get pregnant.

Prior to my second round of IVF last June, 3 of my close friends told me they were pregnant and each one felt like a gunshot wound to my stomach, i think it hurts more when its one of your closest friends because you want to be happy for them but so badly want it for yourself too.

We are here for you, so vent and let it out all you like.

xxx


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## Tiny21

I agree with the above, we are on our 3rd attempt for number 2, our little one is 3 and I am now 41. It is so hard and what is driving me is the drive for a sibling for our little boy. 

The want is different for me as it is more for him, I don't want him to be alone, I do want another baby but the main driver is to give him a brother or sister. It is very strange going all through it again and harder in lots of ways because of juggling your child but in other ways it helps as you can't be all obsessed with it but keeping on top of sleep etc. and clinic appointments is hard. 

We know we are hugely lucky but why shouldn't we want another and it's this kind of age you see others all having their siblings so totally understand. 

Hope that made some sense!! 

Good luck xxx


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## eibhlin

Hi Rachel15

Really sorry that you are going through this   

I can totally empathise with everything you're saying, and as you can see from all the responses you're certainly not alone (even if that doesn't make it easier, there is a certain relief for me to know that even though it appears that everyone is able to become pregnant with as much effort as it takes me to eat a bag of crisps, clearly appearances are deceptive!).

On a selfish personal note, I'm so tired of being infertile. It's like the recession, it just keeps going on and on and on. I really (like everyone) thought it would end when I was blessed with my son, and even though it is a bazillion gargantuan times easier, and I know how whiney I'm being, but the fear around not providing a sibling is pretty exhausting at times. This is totally selfish also, but I really would like to be that couple, who miraculously become pregnant naturally against all the odds. 

I want to be able to think about other things! I'm SO over infertility and BFNs and endless blood tests and phone calls starting with '...I'm afraid it's bad news...'. Secret early morning scuttling into the fertility clinic like I'm off to meet a drug dealer or a fence! 

Ah I really hope it works out for you soon (everyone on the thread and the blooming site that is!). 

x


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## Rachel15

Thank you for all your replies and support. I am glad I am not the only one that feels like this. Although, sad that there are others struggling.

I have had a horrible few weeks, bad headaches, 40th birthday, serious panic attack the other night and now my friend announcing she is pregnant.  Most of my school/college friends had children years ago and this never bothered me as I was not ready then.  My husband and I have been married for 7 years and only started trying for a baby when we were about 34, when we were both settled in our jobs and home.  Tried to be sensible!!

Now I am in a group of friends who are mostly a lot younger than me.  So many are having their second babies.  One group I go to, 7 of the 10 mum's are pregnant again.

I know some of you have said the same but I also want a sibling for my little boy.  He loves babies and goes out of his way to talk to them and wants to cuddle them.

Meeting my friend today and, it's awful to say, but I was hoping she would cancel.  On the phone the other night she was so lovely and obviously worried about telling me but then followed it up with "at least you have T".  I know she was desperate for a second so it wasn't the best thing to say.  I know I am lucky.  There are people who struggle and never have a baby (my sister in law is on her fouth round of IVF) but you want what you want don't you?

Oh by the way, I know two of the legendary people who had treatment and then got pregnant naturally, one of them was 41, so there is hope.  

Period about to start so will be starting on IUI again in the next week or so.  Fingers crossed it will work!!  Finding it hard to be positive but trying to be.

Thanks ladies, it's lovely to be able to let someone know how I feel.

Rachelxxx


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## Smith8450

Hi, it is really really hard to explain the pain of wanting a 2nd child as many people simply don't understand. Those who have no fertility problems simply say, oh it'll be ok you'll have another one and many say, or well at least you have one!

Quite rightly we count our blessings but still feel the heartache of longing for another child or for me the family unit I always wanted!

I am an only child and didn't want that for my children. My mother had fertility problems after having me so I lived through her fertility years growing up and now for the past 8 years, have experienced my own.

Good luck to everyone with their on going tx. 

Michelle xxx


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## westo

I can empathise with wanting a sibling for your child, its breaks my heart when i see my son with friends babies, hes so gentle giving them kisses and cuddles, and when he asks if we can have a baby, all i can say to him is hopefully we'll have one soon.I know he'd be a great big brother and it hurts like hell that we are not able to give him a baby brother or sister or at least not up till now. Time will tell. 

Good luck to everyone in your quest for your dreams. xxx


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## Rachel15

Hi All

Just to let you know that IUI number three did not work, despite good sample and three follicles.  

Not sure what to do now.  We are thinking of going back to London Bridge Clinic where we got pregnant with T nearly three years ago.

If that does not work I am not sure if we will try IVF, not only because of the cost (although that is a massive factor) but because I am not sure I can cope with it. 

Thinking of trying acupuncture as am so stressed with it all and that's not helping!!

Hope you are all well.

Rachelx


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## mazv

Really sorry to hear it didn't work this time Rachel   

I can definitely recommend acupuncture to help with relaxation. I really enjoyed it when I was undergoing it during IVF cycles. Also don't necessarily write off IVF, you'd be surprised at how much you can cope with  Hope you find a way forward.

Maz x


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## Smith8450

sorry to hear that Rachel.  

Hope you are feeling OK. What a hard time it is!

What Maz said is true, it's amazing what we can cope with when we have to! Whatever you decide, have no regrets!

Michelle xxx


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## eibhlin

Sorry Rachel, that's very disappointing. Life sucks sometimes. Give T a big hug and we're here if you want a shoulder to cry on/rant to whenever you feel like it

I'm gearing up for a natural icsi cycle (our last one in Feb didn't fertilise ). You can imagine my optimism, yet I still find myself daydreaming that it might work and coming up with lovely baby names and worrying about the finances, oh my poor tortured brain!

Mind yourself, thinking of you

x


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## Rachel15

Thank you lovely ladies for all the support.  Good luck to you all, I have my fingers crossed for you.

The baby thing is on the back burner.  My poor mum has just been diagnosed with breast cancer so obviously that is much more an important issue at the moment.

Life, eh?

xxx


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## mazv

Rachel sending masses of        to your Mum. As you say, life eh? Has a habit of throwing a curve ball every now and then    Hope treatment and recovery go smoothly for your Mum.


Maz x


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## Rachel15

Hi Maz, Michelle and All

Thank you for all your words of support and encouragement.

Hubby and I are off to see the consultant tomorrow. Thinking we may have one more go at IUI but will see what he says.  Might try at the clinic where we got pregnant with T.

Mum is doing well emotionally, my dad is in bits.  I don't live near my parents but am going to visit them this weekend.  Weirdly, my left breast has been hurting since mum was diagnosed.  Looking like her op will be at the end of the month.

Hope that you are all doing well.  

Rachelx


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## Bluebell44

Rachel just a quickie from me as I am feeling your pain also. It's so hard isn't it? Sending you massive hugs.


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## Ashaa

Hello

So glad to have come across this topic. 

I have a 3.5 yr old and been desperately trying for number 2. DD was conceived naturally but we have struggled second time round. We had a failed IVF cycle in June.

The post written by tiny21 just made me cry, I could hv written that word for word... Couldn't believe someone felt exactly the same way as me... 

I am 41 and hubby 39, all my friends have 2 or 3 kids... I just feel soooo sad my DD does not have a sibling to play with. My heart is aching with the grief each time AF arrives.  Find I quite hard to control my sadness and tears.. 


So now we are in between cycles and trying naturally, will we blessed with a miracle. ..?

Best if luck to you.
X


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## traceytbird80

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to say I feel the same way and sadness for a sibling we were so blessed with our 2 year old from our first ivf I am happy with our family but hurts like mad when all my friends are having there second just found out out of our little group of 5 I am now the only one that hasnt had a second I had IVF last year so would have been due around same time as some friends but had miscarrage at 7 weeks I now find I look at friends babies and think mine would have been same age.  Flustrating thing it when just me hubby and ds I am so happy its just when im around people with more than one I just need a little island to hide on I think.

Wishing all you ladies success with a second child and if its not possible sending you all the comfort in the world xxx

Tbird x


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## niccad

Hi all
Rachel - firstly I hope that your Mum is ok... it's been a few months since you last posted.
I'm so glad I've come across this post as I feel exactly the same. Of my 7 nct buddies all have seconds now and I seem to be surrounded by bumps. I have a wonderful son who is 2.5 and actually gave up the dream of a second last year when my husband out of the blue said he didn't want another one. I cried for months and then discovered he'd been seeing a 25 year old! I grieved even more then - and this sounds terrible, but I again was grieving that i'd lost of the chance of ever having a sibling for my son rather than grieving for my marriage (although that happened too). I finally accepted my lot in life and was getting on with things when I started seeing a new man and then suddenly got a natural BFP - my first ever. I was so so excited and went back to my clinic straight away to get the drug support. Turns out that i'm now miscarrying and I'm now left so desperately wanting something that I've already grieved over. 
Why oh why can't this all be so much easier. Suddenly I see bumps everywhere again when that had stopped. Infertility is really sh*t    and it's so sad to see our little ones without a sibling. Wishing all of you success or acceptance.... 

Nic xx


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## Trin Trin

Hi lovely ladies!!!

I haven't posted for a while on here but needed to get things off my chest as you can see from my signature I have a delightful 8 year old conceived with DIUI on a natural cycle!! Tried for a sibling on 2011 and had success but miscarried at 11 weeks. The pain of miscarrying affected me really badly and took time to gain the courage to try again. In 2012 tried again but no joy:-( Again this affected me and seeing the whole world conceive so easily just fills me with envy and jealousy (I actually feel bad saying this but it's how I feel) my daughter longs for a sibling and all her cousins and friends have siblings and I just so desperately want her to have one. Infertility just sucks and the journey is so painful. I'm so upset as DH and I agreed to try IVF in May buy I got a new job and thought its best I wait until I've got through my probationary period then we could start the ball rolling in September. Well he turned 40 2 weeks ago and has made a big deal of it almost becoming depressed!! We had a casual conversation and he blurted out that he's not up for trying anymore and he's too old!!!!! 

I feel like someone has poked me on the chest and my mood has instantly changed. My coping mechanism was knowing that we would try IVF and there was still hope. My daughter is always saving her books, toys for her brother or sister and now I'm shell shocked. I don't know if I can accept that this is it......

I've read all the posts on here and it's clear we're not alone. I'm full of unhappiness at the moment as my plan has been removed. Don't know how to convince him as he's not the most communicative person with regards to this issue. I also feel cross at him as if I was the one with the infertility I would do anything to fulfill his dream. He keeps saying we should be grateful for our daughter and I am.....but why can I not want and yearn for another....

I wish everyone the best of luck with their journey xxx


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## Rachel15

Ahhhh, there are some lovely but very sad posts on this thread.  I feel your pain.......................

Mum had her mastectomy in May and has had three of her six lots of chemo, she is doing well considering.  My sister is due a baby in September, after seven years of trying.  Can't wait!

Just to let you know that I have just started down the IVF route.  Not ideal timing but when is?  I am 40 and a half now.  Just started on the contraceptive pill and am going to see the nurse next week.  I am very scared of all the hormones I will be putting inside me.  Terrified of the general anaesthetic for egg collection...............

Trin Trin, I am not sure my husband is as bothered about a sibling for T as I am.  He keeps saying that if we only have one we could afford more (eg) holidays abroad.  I have a sister and never had holidays abroad growing up, would much rather have had a sister (well 90 per cent of the time anyway!)  I think it is different for us girls, the yearn is biological as well as emotional, plus we want if for the child we already have.  My husband has been told to give up smoking, the one thing he has to do, has he?  No way.  I on the other hand am taking thyroxine and the pill, soon to be on all the other drugs, trying to drink more water, having acupuncture, eating healthily and stressing about the general anaesthetic and who is going to look after my son whilst I am up and down to London.  Men eh?  Sorry no words of wisdom I am afraid.  

Good luck and lots of love to all of you out there.

xxx


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## Kjo

Rachel - I in exactly the same situation as you feeling just the same! Lets all stick tog on here and support each other x 

Dunno about you but another concern is that I will never get baby 2 and will just miss my little boy growing up while I stress! Grrrr it's hard isn't it? I went to a birthday party for a little friend and every mum there was either preg or holding a new born! I thought I was imagining it so counted and they all really were! Just couldn't wait to get out! 

I user chlomid before and got my son xxx tried again 1 mc and now taken 12 cycles - now any more tries increases chances of ovarian cancer! Decisions! 
Kjo


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## ForFoofsSake

Hey girls can I join you? I've just joined ff. I have a little boy who is 3 in November who was concieved naturally and have been TTC#2 for the last 2 years. I have unexplained infertility, on the face of it everything looks great. Did a fresh ivf cycle in May and got 7 great blasts, transferred 2, didn't work. Just had a frozen transfer which has also failed. 

I read all your posts and really empathised with everything, most of my nct pals have 2 now and I am wondering if it will ever happen for us. I don't want this to continue to be on my mind all the time but I can't help it. I just want to be pregnant and then focus on the future and raising my children, it feels like everything in on hold and that I think of nothing else, especially during ivf. 

I'm hoping to try another fresh cycle in October, we lost 2 frosties in the thaw and transferred 2 so I only have one le which isn't really worth trying with as it could die in the thaw. 

Anyway, nice to virtually meet you all x


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## Rachel15

Hi All

Just thought I would post again to let you know where things are up to.

Decided to go for IVF and went to The Lister in London.  Had my egg collection yesterday.  Seven eggs collected, five of which fertilized.  This is our last chance of a sibling for T.  Please let it work..................

Mum is doing well on her chemo, had the fifth one of six yesterday.  We are remaining positive.

How are you all?

xxx


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## abike78

Hi Ladies

After reading these posts, I really would like to join you!!

I have a beautiful DD who has just turned 2.  In July 2012, I had my right ovary and fallopion tube removed and since November 2012 of last year we have had 1 failed FET, and 2 failed Fresh ICSI's even though everything was fantastic!!!

Amazing quality embryos and blasts transferred.  We were all really shocked to see BFN's each time.

It prompted me to go and get a scan to find out and Lister advised to have a hysterscopy and endo scratch.  An ultrasound was performed and it was shown that my left fallopian tube was full of toxic fluid which leaks into the Uterus causing failiure to implant due to the toxicity of the fluid.

So last Monday, 9th September I went into hospital for the procedure! Thank god I did because as they opened me up the tube ruptured!  So could of been quite serious as this nasty tube does not give out any symptons at all so you would not know unless it was being investigated..

So to cut a long story short, I have now had both tubes removed, a hysterscopy and endo scratch, ready to embark on my 2 5AA frozen embies to be put back in a few months..

Although I know that I had to have this surgery and that the tubes were non functional anyway, I feel like absolute rubbish!  Constantly crying etc etc.  All I want is another baby, friends of mine have recently fallen pregnant again and it really really hurts!!!  Although I am happy for them..

I am back at work, although I can't concentrate, I think I have come back to quickly.  

:-(

xxx


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## niccad

Rachel - so glad to hear that your mum is doing so well. Good luck with this cycle - have you transferred today or are they still going. I have everything crossed for you   

abike - what a nightmare time for you and thank god you now have everything sorted. Good luck for your FET cycle...  This constant desire for number 2 is soul destroying isn't it. My nct crew were all contemplating no 3 yesterday and I sat there quietly still bleeding from my recent m/c. I find that i'm a far quieter person these days   

Hello everyone else xx


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## Rachel15

Hello All

Niccad - I am so sorry to hear about your meeting with your friends and the torture you must be going through.  So awful for you.  Thinking about you.

Abike -  Poor you.  You have been so brave.  I think when you have problems it makes you feel `less of a woman`, if you know what I mean.  I feel like a failure when most of my friends got pregnant within a few months of trying.  I even have friends who are `planning` the next one to fit in with holidays, maternity pay entitlement etc.  Just to get pregnant naturally for me would be a miracle!

Thinking of you all xx

My little embryos have got to day three so they are taking them to blastocyst.  I currently have 5 but they don't know how many if any will make it.  Fingers crossed for Saturday.

xxx


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## niccad

Rachel - great news on going to blast... go embies go...    Good luck for tomorrow xx


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## bevvers

Hi girls I hope you dont mind me joining you  


We have a gorgeous little girl who is 3 conceived with our last FET after years of treatment our dreams had finally come true
I remember saying when I became pregnant "thats it no more treatment" the relief was fantastic.  I never thought I would feel like this but I can't stop wanting another baby.  I look at DD & think if she had a sibling she wouldnt be on her own.  I know its a silly thought but were not exactly young & her youngest cousins are teenagers who live away.

DD is very happy & contented but we recently went to a friends who has 2 little boys & DD was talking to her dolls telling them if she had a brother like her friend she would bring him home so she would have someone to play with it broke my heart.

DH knows how much I want another baby but he is adamant he doesn't want to go through all that treatment again!! He has now told me that it nearly broke him &he doesn't want to see me put myself through all that too, he says I should be satisfied with DD
I am but I can't help how I feel.  

We have decided to try naturally & see what happpens but we have been "trying" for 16 years although I have been using a cbfm for 7mths with loads of vits I think im just kidding myself but hey ho! I really 
Wish icould just get of this rollercoaster &move on but I'm finding it hard 

It doesn't help when 2 of my close friends are now pregnant wi5 weeks of one another & I had to sit there while one went on telling me another pregnancy was the last thing she needed & she was wishing she wasnt pregnant I came home & burst into tears.

I'm sick of hearing people tell me how they are super fertile &there partner only has to look at them & their pregnant ond friend even planned her babys birth to the month she wanted it to be born 

Sorry for the ramble im just feeling low &frustrated


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## niccad

Bevvers - I think we all feel your pain. This infertility stuff is just crap crap crap. 
Rachel - any news? xx


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## Rachel15

Hi All

I know the feeling about the `super fertile` friends.  I am fed up of hearing about people planning their next baby to fit in with maternity leave entitlement or summer holidays etc.  A friend of mine is due her first baby any minute and she is already planning when they are going to start trying for the next.  I don't think people mean to be insensitive, they just don't think.  I am also sick of the "you are so lucky to have one" , this is usually from people who have two......  I am lucky though, my boy is adorable.  Hard work at the moment though, terrible two's................

Well, embryo transfer went well on Sat.  Had two transferred.  One was a small blastocyst and the other was the stage before.  My other three were not good enough to freeze.

I have been so positive.  Which is not the usual me!  Today I have started with mild period type pain which I always have about 5 days before my period.  I am hoping it's not bad news.  My husband is worried too, not like him to get upset, I think he wants it as much as me.

I have done all I can now: no alcohol, eating lots of fruit and veg, drinking loads of water, acupuncture, not lifting T for a couple of days after transfer, vitamins, pessaries, thyroxine etc etc.  Fingers crossed xx

Take care all.

Rachelxxx


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## niccad

Rachel - how are you feeling? Guessing that testing day is coming up pretty soon. I have everything crossed for you xxxxxx


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## Rebel400

Hi girls, 

I'm new on here, only signed up tonight.

Just a started my 3rd cycle of ICSI. I have a DD born to my second cycle (1st cycle failed) she's now 3 1/2 and I'm desperate to give her a sibling, after having her I never dreamt id be back here but I'm now 3 days into the Supercur injections and feeling very anxious about it. 

Xx


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## Rachel15

Hello

Hope that you are all well.

I have had some good news.  The IVF worked and I am now 6 and half weeks pregnant.  I had the early scan yesterday and heard and saw the baby's heartbeat.  

I am so happy but know there is a long way to go.  

Good luck to all of you out there.

xxxx


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## niccad

Rachael - that is amazing news      I'm so so pleased for you. I hope that rest of your pregnancy goes really smoothly xxx


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## Rachel15

Hello

Thank you very much.  We are both very happy but just so cautious at the moment.  Such a long way to go yet.  

How are you all?

xxx


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## Laura79

Hi I'm new on here and this thread is everything I'm feeling. Currently have 6 pregnant friends with their second and reading what everyone has written has made me feel less like a total ***** for struggling to cope with it all. I'm due to start my geep cycle  next month, this is third attempt to have a sibling for my 2 year old son who was my IVF miracle. Not sure I can take another friend pregnancy announcement or another failed cycle.keeping everything crossed and hope for a happy ending like the ones I've read here 
Thanks for listening x


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## Jessif

Hi kinda new to this site been reading the threads for a while, this one just hits home, three of my sisters in laws all pregnant with there 2nd children there due in feb, march and april, of course i'm happy for them but it breaks my heart at the same time. I'm dreading spending Christmas with them. But feel so selfish saying that. We got a appointment on Thursday with the specialist, my husband not got any sperm. I so hoping its good news and can have some kind of treatment. But if its not I know Christmas will be a struggle. Your not on your own x x


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