# The loneliness



## Guest (Mar 23, 2007)

Hi Girls,

It has really struck me this week how lonely this IF marlarky is. 

I still read and post on boards on here, chatting to friends that I have cycled with on numberous occassions. However, suddenly yesterday I realised that out of all the friends I have met on here along the way (prior to all you special ladies), I am the only one left that hasn't been blessed  

Feel sad really, its hard enough in everyday life watching your friends and dealing with our situation, but when on here too its tough. And I know you all understand that I am pleased for them, but sad for me  

Do you guys still keep in touch with other ff friends, or is it something else that I need to move away from - help!

Love and hugs to all


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Personally, I haven't kept in touch with anyone that I've cycled with. To me, it would be too much like looking at the pregnancy/child I didn't have.   x


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## Guest (Mar 23, 2007)

Thanks Emmag, I know what you mean....but how do you just stop reading? I think I have a ff addiction!


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## Bratt (Sep 21, 2005)

Hiya Jodie,

You have forgotten me Hun!!  No happy BFP for me either    so you're no on your own  

I do know exactly what you mean, it's being left behind while everyone else gets their dream.

I have found that I try to keep in touch with the lucky ones, but they seem to forget me or maybe it's not so easy to gabble on about their babies to me as I don't know what they're talking about  

There are a couple of people here I have been 'talking' to for 18 months or so, but they don't bother anymore.......



Jen
x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Me, I can't read anywhere else on FF anymore, simply because I can't identify with their struggles and stresses. This more than anything else tells me I am a woman who is 'moving on'; am I thrilled about this? No, but I try, try, try to see the nuggets of beauty in it, and these are usually to be described as the astonishing examples of support I get here. At least there is this place....MM xxxx


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## Guest (Mar 23, 2007)

Your right Jen I did forget you   (sorry) I guess I was just thinking that you are still progressing with treatment etc. I know what you mean though about ppl not bothering, I guess that hurts too    
MM you are right at least we have this place, and yes I do think that to just stop reading is a great thing.....just wish I could get there myself


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Give it time, and be easy on yourself as you change; turn the volume down on your inner critic! Your'e in no way obliged to be in touch with anyone who pushes your buttons at the moment...Life is tough enough... Big hug up the M5, MM xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I've never ever opened any posts on any pg related forums. I started on a ttc forum, then I moved to an IF forum and now to the Moving On forum!  I still post a little on the IF forum, but I don't feel like I belong there anymore really, because it's very tx focussed, which is completely brilliant (kept me going many many times!), but it doesn't feel right to be reading about peoples' tx anymore (another "moving on" sign?!).


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## Guest (Mar 23, 2007)

Well I admire you Emmag. Where I have been reading has been my clinic and area sections, I guess I just need to stop going to those places... but I am struggling to let go. Maybe I am not in the 'moving on' place yet......really not sure where I am tbh   xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Oh gosh, I don't feel like I deserve admiration for it    I'm just so tired of reading the same stuff over and over, and feeling "been there, done that, worn the T shirt"!


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi Jodie

It is hard not to 'look' isn't it and I understand that it can be upsetting when you do.

Personally, I keep in touch with one of the girls from my very first IVF cycle who now has a little boy - we have never met in person but have exchanged photos of each other!!  She has never ever rubbed my nose in it and is genuinely interested in me and was very supportive when I was doing my IVF's etc and when I got my negatives - she was with me every step.  So it is nice to keep in touch with her - we email now and again on my own personal email.

Jodie if the other girls you were friendly with have drifted away from you then its their loss and our gain  

Love Pipkin x


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Oh Emmag
I laughed and laughed at the thought of your T shirt - what would you write on it? maybe we should start another thread with the idea of a slogan for a "moving on" T shirt!!
Lots love jo


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## Guest (Mar 23, 2007)

Thanks Pipkin for your kind words of support


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

jomac said:


> Oh Emmag
> I laughed and laughed at the thought of your T shirt - what would you write on it? maybe we should start another thread with the idea of a slogan for a "moving on" T shirt!!
> Lots love jo


I did actually see a T shirt somewhere on the internet once that said:

"I'm not angry because I'm infertile, I'm angry because you're stupid"

I liked that


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Mrs Flippenflappem (aka Bratt)!

I ain't forgotten you - how could I?! You're a wee minx and a shining star, and someone who has been through similar to me. I ain't ever going to forget you - even if I don't post in the same places as you doesn't mean you're forgotten - oh no, you ain't getting off with it missus!   Sending you tons of muttonchoppy love matey xxxxxxxxx

I have some dear friends who have gotten pregnant or had families after IVF and I am still in touch with them because they are genuninely lovely people. But in saying that, I was also brought down to earth with a wallop a while ago when I realised that everyone I used to speak to on msn (from another forum I used years ago when pursuing IVF) had all had their families and I was the only one who never did. That was a shock, and I have to admit brought a lump to my throat, and feelings of 'gosh its not only in real life it happens, even out there in cyberworld too'!

As for T-shirts one of my pals (who is childless through choice) got sick to death of people demanding to know of me 'when was I going to procreate' so she bought me a T-shirt with the slogan 'I can't believe it, I forgot to have kids' which I thought was highly amusing (having always had a sick sense of humour helps)!

Love to all 
Emcee xxxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear JodieBogie
So sorry that things are tough. Hey.when you reach this point of IF, the dimentions of it all is huge. Each different aspect of our lives is quite a challenge until we find our feet...
I tend to protect myself and surround myself by close friends and people i want to genuinely share my private time with. As far as work is concerned as soon as the girls start banging on about their families i am off...I would rather clean a bed pan..ha ha. Its about me making a choice and not being in a difficult position. However ,at times it is unavoidable and a hard pill to swallow...
I don't feel lonely as my life is full of different activities etc...Its the feeling of being in a group that does not have a place in society. So I am starting to try and get my head around not feeling different and that i do belong somewhere,but haven't yet found it...?/ if that makes sense..
There is a chunk missing from our lives...but i also think there is a chunk of life that is also put on hold when you have children. You don;t always get the chance to discover yourself because you are busy caring for others...today i did a load of ironing and i thought what if i had a family to iron for....eeek that is what i call domestic boredom..I hate housework...
I am babbling and don't get me wrong i would give anything for my life to be different...but i think in time we can find some peace and that loneliness will not be there or so strong...I also see many people later on in life who are lonely waiting for their children to visit...and they never do. I know of people who havent had children and go onto live full lives...
How we get there i am not sure? maybe surrounding ourselves by friends who understand. Sharing with our partners, being with good and healthy friends...and a nice bottle of wine...
I hope i haven't gone on and sound condescending....
My thoughts are with you...
love astridxx
p.s i know you also Jen and followed you over the years...have you changed your pseudo name to Brat..my heart goes out to you...


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Hello Jodie,

I'm really sorry you're feeling loney and left behind at the moment. I find it's one of the hardest of all emotions to deal with. That's why I personally don't look at any TTC boards any more, though to be honest I came to the Moving On board almost straight away as I only began searching for a community to help me through this when I felt my IF journey was ending. (Previously felt I could tough it out on my own and didn't need help...   how wrong I was!) 

I find when I look at the TTC boards, I feel exactly as you described: left behind and really sad. Just as I do with friends, sister-in-law etc as they go on to have second, third, even fourth babies and here I am still not off the starting block, and probably never will be. Anyway, I digress and I don't mean to be negative, just letting you know I understand totally where you're coming from. For me, I find when I concentrate on being here, on this board, and 'in the moment' rather than the usual racing ahead in time and panicking or looking back with regret ( I'm trying REALLY hard to just live in the here and now for the moment!) I really do feel uplifted, positive and empowered. I think as Astrid says it's based on a need to protect myself. I also find whenever I spend time with people who don't have children (and seem happy about this) I honestly start to feel that life is pretty good. It's only when I'm around babies/young families that all those negative feelings come back to me.

I've rambled a bit, but just trying to let you know that though you feel alone at the moment, you are not! Lots of love to you, Jodie

B xxx


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## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

Dear JodieBogie

Totally relate to how you feel. I haven't actively pursued any treatment for years now, however each and everyone of the girls from my TX days have either got children or are about to have children.  They still post and its like catch 22 I want to read about them and see their photos as I really am happy for them, yet at times it makes me feel such a failure.  like I didn't try hard enough or something.....mad I know . 

Don't get me wrong I don't begrudge anyone of them their babies, just wish I could have been as lucky.Feel like the odd one out.  

I do enjoy reading their posts now and following their stories, but I did not post or come on the site for a long time after tx finished as I just could not take it.  Maybe its time to give yourself a break from reading posts n other parts of the site sometimes it helps.

Jane x


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