# Single, 42, NHS IVF & sperm donor option circa £4k or any cheaper options?



## [email protected] (Jan 26, 2018)

Wanting to see if there’s anyone else on here in my boat... I’m 42, fit, healthy, eating mostly an organic vegetarian diet, I’ve never tried to conceive as I’ve never been in a relationship where we’ve tried. I’m single now, and I’ve just had bloods and uterine scan tests done as I feel I need to do ‘something’ about this now, tests are back, my AMH is 2.2, thyroid normal, fsh 10.2, lh 3.8, progesterone 226 (I think I’ve got those latter ones correct I was copying their notes upside down! I know the AMH one is correct as that’s the one they read out to me, I’m pretty sure I copied the others down right). So the hospital’s prognosis was ‘low chance of conceiving naturally but not impossible’ same again going down IVF route with donor sperm. I don’t know what to do next as I just feel so alone with this all. Plus the NHS IVF donor sperm option will cost over £4k. Any advice and insights most welcome please. I turn 43 in May. Is it cheaper to go to a private sperm bank? - has anyone used Co-Parents.co.uk? I would then be just relying on artificial insemination and not the IVF stimulation, - any insights / stories / experiences welcome please  xx


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## MargotW (Jan 26, 2016)

Did the clinic give you the chances of conceiving naturally v IVF? We have switched to donor sperm and doing ivf because the chances for me are much higher than IUI.

I know of 3 private uk sperm banks, there may be more, I just don't know of them, they are London Sperm Bank, Semovo and Brighton Fertility Associates. All have been helpful when I have enquiries of them. Some clinics collaborate with foreign sperm banks and I think that I saw something about a Manchester clinic is going to have a stock of US Sperm.

I haven't used the co-parents website but would be extremely cautious about it, donor sperm through clinics is expensive but lots of testing has been done before it's released and your relationship with the donor is crystal clear!

If you use a co-parenting site, it's less clear and things can go horribly wrong, you could be co-parenting with someone who turns out to be a nightmare and spend £1000s in Court. In principle it's no different to a dating site and their are no guarantees that you will click with the person you clicked with online. plus you are spending months trying to get to know someone. I know your situation is different because you will be single but I really liked this article and thought the people involved sounded really sensible:
https://wearefamilymagazine.co.uk/yotam-ottolenghi-journey-to-parenthood/
Just food for thought for you. 
Also there are some men out there who just want to populate the world with their offspring:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/12097491/Worlds-most-prolific-sperm-donor-with-800-children-finds-clients-through-********.html

Obtaining the donor sperm can be really fast. I think ours got to our clinic within a week of ordering it. It was super fast!


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## [email protected] (Jan 26, 2018)

Hello Margot, thank you for your response, it's always good to just be able to chat about this with like-minded people!

I know a lesbian couple who are going through this now as well and they're using a private clinic (as people they met in the NHS treated them terribly!) which is charging £750 per sperm treatment, so I'm going to look into that one. I've also googled the info you supplied and I'm reading through that too - I think I've got a lot of reading and researching to do in a very short time frame! 

One question that popped into my head was how they do check on blood family line, so there's not a risk you're getting sperm from someone in some lost family line, I don't suppose you know anything about that one?

I'm so nervous about donor sperm, I'd much rather know the person but it's not happened that way yet and I literally don't have time to wait for things to happen naturally anymore, that part upsets me greatly but I have to just let those feelings go. Thank you for your thoughts


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

I was in a similar situation to you, I tried IUI after getting PG with a partner, miscarrying and splitting up,but it didn't work. I moved to IVF partly as wanted something more controlled that IUI but also I have immune issues so needed drugs for that and they are so expensive that it isn't practical to keep paying out in a cycle that may not work. I got my sperm from an American site,they have lots of info on health and the donor writes an essay about self plus you see photos, it took 2 days to arrive at my clinic. Sperm banks here give very limited info and no photos. If you wanted to try at home insemination then Cryos in Denmark will deliver to your home but only until July as the laws are apparently changing, they are the only sperm bank who will (as far as I know) Personally I wouldn't waste my time as the chances of IUI working in your 40's is pretty low and you could end up paying for multiple goes by which time you could have paid for an IVF cycle (just my opinion though)
I went on the co-parent website and met a couple of nice guys but most just wanted sex and the whole thing made me feel uneasy, at least using a donor is clean cut and you know they have had all the relevant tests. Its all so overwhelming doing it alone and there is a grieving process for the life you expected to have but I am so happy I did it, my baby is just such a joy and I don't have to share him with anyone  If you want to chat please PM me x


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## MargotW (Jan 26, 2016)

Hello Hope
We all have dreams of what our life will be like and as Kittykat said there’s the grieving process when it doesn’t work out that way. All clinics have to offer counselling and it may be that they can help you with donor sperm. I have found some research about a co-parenting site and it did show how how the genders wanted different things- I can’t remember the stats but women wanted the children to live with them and men wanted more equal care. I have heard of men being in the websites just looking for sex. 
I don’t know the stats about the chances of being related to the donor but I would imagine they are slim but if it worries you, you could get your sperm from abroad.
My friend went alone and she loves it, as Kittykat says she doesn’t have to share her baby with anyone. 
X


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

With the concern over the donors- over here donors are limited to helping 10 families, my American donor stopped being available for the UK after I used him as he had reached his quota, I think all the sperm banks have to follow that protocol when being used at clinics here, I'm not sure how it works with Cryos though and its very unlikely you would end up being related to the donor even is they are from UK


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Hopeful.
Seriously think about going abroad.  Success rates are higher and usually cheaper even including travel.  Your AMH isn't good and there is a high chance of miscarriage for anyone over 40 but I understand the want to try with OE and embryo banking using Clomid might be suitable for you.  As a first timer Serum in Athens is popular with single ladies and Peny will do you a free Skype consultation.
I went to Cyprus but I'd not recommend it for first time solo ladies as you have to know what you are doing there.  
TCCx


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

I 2nd what tincat says about Serum, they are a lovely clinic and very "user friendly" and a good starting point if did want to go abroad. I did my treatment at Zita West but if was moving on to donor eggs I would have gone to Serum


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## [email protected] (Jan 26, 2018)

To all responders - thank you! This is hugely helpful information, I like the sound of the American clinic and I'm tempted to try once without the IVF stimulation, and then if it doesn't work I know I have that option too.

KittyKat - so to double check I've understood your route, did you use American donor sperm but accessed through a UK clinic? - and how long did it take to arrive from order? Thank you


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Hi Hope - yes I used the American donor at a UK clinic, as far as I know Cryos are the only bank to deliver to your home but this is changing. It only took 2 days from me ordering it to it arriving at the clinic, Ive had amazon orders take longer!!


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## Avnire (Apr 5, 2018)

Hi, I am 40 and went down the donor finding route. It took ages as these donor websites and especially the ******** groups and full of very weird characters. I always wanted to have a donor for my, and my child's sake - I wouldn't want to give my child a life-long identity crisis, we all need to know where we are coming from and even myself, I need to know who is the father of my child. Finding a donor was a rocky, sometimes humiliating experience, you just need to bypass lots of weirdos and pervs (sorry!), most men do it for free sex basically. You also have to factor in the let downs.. I found a lovely guy, we got on well and one day after another he just dumped me as another woman he donated to made him furious by turning up when he was spending time with his girlfriend. He got so annoyed that he just bailed, pretty much took the whole thing out on me. I was setting up another meeting with someone, who failed to turn up or even letting me know.. The downside of these donor arrangements is that you are just no-one to these people and as beggars cannot be choosers, you just have to bite the bullet.

Now I am 'working' with a young, decent guy, who is also a bit unusual in terms of personality. He doesn't respond to many messages but turns up at mine on donation days. He promised to have a sperm analysis done - haven't found time for it for three months now.. Very annoying as I cannot move towards IVF without it plus with this attitude either.. We tried AI at home three times, but no luck. He only donated once to a 26 years old lesbian couple and they got pregnant for the 4th times, I am just hoping that his swimmers are okay.. (STD tested, at least).

As I am now stuck and I have a low ovarian reserve I am reconsidering IVF with a donor. I was thinking of using Serum, as they personally know and select their donors, but the downside is that in Greece anonymity is life-long, and they wouldn't give out information about the donor that in any way would allow anyone to identify them. For me, it's a turn off.. I just would need to have more information than the normal phenotype (hair, skin and eye colours) when I choose a donor.. but hey.. maybe that will be the way.


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## Avnire (Apr 5, 2018)

Oh yeah, Re: IVF - it's much cheaper in continental Europe but you need to check if the country allows single women to take part. In some countries, like in Hungary, you cannot take a donor with you (you need to be married or in a civil partnership), they only allow single women to use they local sperm banks (after a Cyros supplied sperm to someone from a guy with a genetic disorder). Check Czech Republic, Greece or Cyprus for IVF. In Czech one round is roughly 2000 euros (plus medication), in Serum Athens they have a two rounds for 4000 euros (plus medications) package. Ukraine is the easiest for egg donations, cheap and plenty of choice.. Unfortunately the UK is super expensive


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