# The dreaded AF why oh why!!!!



## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

bit of a rant time  

Right we know that AF is gonna come, I mean its been here every month for goodness knows how long all while ttc, so why does each month come and you still have that little glimmer of hope when its just a few minutes late!! every hour that goes past I think ooo its not here yet you never know, going to the loo every 5 mins each time feeling a bit more happy and positive and then...... here it is!!! its not like I didn't expect it, it just makes me feel sad all over again! 

So I rung halifax assisted conception just to see when they think funding will be through for IVF and she said she would get back to be in the next couple of weeks   just wanted that instant lift thought she may have said oh yes I can book you in on such a day! haha I wish eh!

oh well chin up eh! thanks for listening   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Guest (Oct 5, 2009)

Sorry you're having a bad day  

Sometimes I feel glad that we can only get pregnant with treatment ie. SPERM  , as that horrible disappointment only comes when we are actually having treatment and you kind of get yourself in that frame of mind for great joy or terrible heartache. 
I know it is stupid but since I had DS, I get this moment of sadness everytime my period comes as it reminds me of how wonderful it was when it didn't arrive and sometimes I think, oh there goes another little egg that could have been our next LO - and it's not even me having the treatment this time  

Hope you get on the treatment journey soon xx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - ring back and get a date that she suggests you ring ..if that makes sense. then work to that date...


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

haha you make me laugh moo! I can see your way of thinking! I guess it does take the monthly pressure off doesn't it.

I get butterflies just thinking of when/if that day arrives when it doesn't bloomin come and I get those 2 fat lines, I think I would burst into tears I really do or faint! I would be on top of the world I really would so happy.

Avon Queen yes I could do that, I just feel like I pester a bit too much you know, I sent the chief consultant an email there not so long ago, i bet there like oh yes its her again! haha.

thank you for your support ladies xxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - bugger them, dont worry about pestering, do what u need to do


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi Pink Roses
I nearly came on to do an identical rant when I was gutted all over again a few days ago. A big hug from DH - who amazingly for once said the right kind of things - made do, but I just had to reply when I read your post. Yes, every single month I convince myself I've got symptoms and then am upset when it must have all been in my head and I feel like my body has let me down by not being pregnant and again for making me think I was. Grrr. 
It's crap isn't it. Hope your funding comes through soon and you can have the extra hope of a treatment cycle. We don't get any funding in North Yorks so DH and I are saving up.
We all do manage to pick ourselves up each time and keep trying. I like having the hope - sorry Avon Queen. I hope you get the advantage of being slightly saner.
all the best 
gettina


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

Hiya Gettina! thanks for the reply, its nice to know i'm not going crazy on my own , I know in the back of my mind that the witch is gonna come for sure, but with every minute that passes I have the 'what ifs' and 'you never know', and hopes build, and then It comes!! the mood hits the floor and I feel like it will never happen. All the bloomin hurdles we have to jump! Glad your hubby is supportive it really helps doesn't it. Like you said we do manage to pick ourselves up, even though the months turn into years, I still have hope and try a little bit extra each month.

I cant believe there is no funding in North Yorks, its daft isn't it! I will only get funding for 1 cycle and then i'm on my own and then other areas will fund 3 cycles, its just so unfair isn't it. 

Avon queen, I'm gonna set myself untill monday, if they haven't called i will then call them say I called last week and no one got back to me, gotta keep pushing it foreward.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)




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## Askara (Sep 27, 2009)

hehe

I know that feeling all too well.

I find the pains that come with it a final kicker. Its as if you say.. guess what.. not pregnant.. OH AND WE SHALL REMIND YOU WITH PAIN. 

stupid body!


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

ahh thanks for the hugs Avon Queen 

Askara haha you are so right, kicking us when were down, its not enough that were not pregnant, you then get the pains, back aches, legs aching, cant even ttc!! 

me and my friend started ttcing at the same time, she now has a son and is thinking about trying for her next, anyhow when she got pregnant she came into my office at work and said 'I've got a pressie for you' and I thought bless her, thats so sweet, that she's thinking of my feelings and how it hurts not been able to get pregnant, anyway........its was some bloomin tampax 'i wont be needing these for a while she said' hahaha. I was so upset at the time and I always remember that when af arrives, that I will be needing those still, even all this time later I've not had the chance of a 9 month break from it. She probably wasn't thinking at the time, and i dont hold it against her but it did hurt at the time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Askara (Sep 27, 2009)

pinkroses said:


> ahh thanks for the hugs Avon Queen
> 
> Askara haha you are so right, kicking us when were down, its not enough that were not pregnant, you then get the pains, back aches, legs aching, cant even ttc!!
> 
> ...


I must admit i did giggle though when i read that.

Many years ago i fell pregnant naurtally with a previouis partner. i know .. i know.. at least i can get pregnant.. right.. wrong! Was many years ago and my insides have since revolted against me! Either way it was very much an accident but made no difference to me, but at 7.5 weeks i had a miscariage. 
My very VERY much ex said to me when i told him "well thats that problem solved" Talk about kicking someone when they were down.

To make matters worse there was a girl i worked with who was 2 days apart from me so i had to watch her go though it all knowing all the time i should be like that and wants. Then i swear it was in the water and 3 other girls over the next 6 months all became pregnant. I moved units so i didnt have to see it all going on as it very nearly distroyed me.

And now.. i am with the perfect man for me, we both very much want children, lots if we can and nature says nope to me and genetics said HA.. no to him too. So lets hope mother medicine will have a heloing hand and give us some much needed sleepless nights with baby cries!!!


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - i only got 1 ivf on nhs, but, i also got 1 FET on nhs as well, which was a surprise. so even if the ivf doesnt work, as long as you have some frozen, you maybe able to get a free FET. maybe worth checking. also fet cheaper. so its all about if you had any left after the ivf really if it didnt work. i had to wait a year for my free ivf   was a long year alright, but once you get started it all kicks off     my first ivf appointment feb 18th 2007, twins born feb 21 2009!


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - cant believe HOW insensitive that was. my god         i remember being at work and a week after my miscarriage, one of the girls let slip shed had an abortion "ooh thought id better not tell YOU".mmm. cried myself to sleep for 3 nights. then everytime i saw her it brought it back. i felt somehow inferior to her. THEN she kept saying things like "ive got child baring hips" and other things i cant remember now. she must have known it would upset me, it was like being bullied. shes just requested to me my friend on ********        so ive accepted


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## Guest (Oct 7, 2009)

Avon Queen said:


> shes just requested to me my friend on ********       so ive accepted


I have recently taken my profile off ******** and it has been the 'healthiest' thing I have done in ages. Was so fed up of seeing everyone's scan pictures, and one old work friend was putting on regular status updates at the beginning of her labour and then a mobile phone picture of her DD about a minute after she popped out . ******** destroys all the surprise of a new baby arriving, and tortures those of us TTC


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

moo -


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

Askara, oh luv, I can imagine how hard that was for you at work, I would do exactly the same chick, I would have wanted to move departments, I am always distancing myself from pregnant women. Good for you on making that insensitive D**k your ex   Your time will come huni, keep the faith as they say  

Avon Queen, what a cow she sounds like! I am shocked at how easily some women seem to be able to say things like that, and do things like that! I get angry everytime I hear of someone having a termination and it upsets me too. I would have been very angry with her especially as she didn't seem too bothered about telling everyone, I may have had to tell her about herself  hehe

Moo, I am with you at that one, you know sometimes I go on face book to torture myself when I'm having a bad day, every status update seems to be something to do with children or pregnancys! I want to comment on some of them hehe, but I know its my irrational thinking. I'm always thinking oh there goes another one of my old friends having a baby 'when is it gonna be me'!!! and then I know that for the next 9 months its all that Im gonna read about them. Then when your having a good day you go on, and see someones changed there picture to a scan picture and it upsets me. I am happy for everyone but it just gives you that 'when is it my turn feeling'. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses...yeah and her reason for termination was that "they didnt have a flat" it just gets worse. id miscarried at 6 weeks, she terminated at 8 weeks. that girl traumatised me. it was the worst time of my life. but i like to think ive risen above it by accepting to be her friend. im a better person than she is. not cause of termination but cause of how she was with me after


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

Avon Queen,

You are a better person huni,  I suppose when you are settled in your own life, you can come to terms with other peoples attitudes and it does make you a better person, however It would have traumatised me too luv! dont know how I would have coped.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

im ok now she doesnt work there anymore. but seeing her always reminded me id lost what she "threw away" it hurt like hell. yeah i guess i can let it go now cause i have the boys but its still in there somewhere an elephant never forgets


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

I can understand that, I am guessing it would take you back to the hurt and upset it gave you at that time, to be honest I try not to but I can hold a grudge at times, only in my head though not letting the other person know. 

Dont you think that suffering from IF must make us so strong, the amount of upset and torment that we feel along the way. I think when and if I get my BFP, nothing in life will be taken foregranted i'm sure we will have all become a better person because of it 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - yeah my boys prove you can get there it CAN happen. though that always tortured me in its own way before when people told me that!! I think it shows you can get through it, however it ends, and be stronger for it. but it still grates on me that others just dont have to do it. but i like to think ive had a bad time of it but maybe that gets me out of something else bad. if that makes any sense at all!!!   now i have the boys i feel like i deserve them, but should i now lose a leg or something    it messes with your head!!!


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

You certainly do deserve them huni, 

I'm guessing that were always gonna feel miffed that others do it so easily, I go over all my friends in my head who dont have children, and I panic that tommorrow there going to call and say there expecting! oh my gosh arghhhh I need to take a chill pill I do hahaha.

I understand completely the thinking that you have got out of something else bad, and dont worry, your gonna keep your legs haha   it was just a waiting game for you be blessed with your 2 perfect boys thats all and just knowing what you had to go through, will make watching them grow up just that little bit more special.  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - haha if id known it would work i may have been more relaxed     are you waiting AF for your ivf to start? have you come on yet chick


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## pinkroses (Sep 16, 2009)

hiya! I've got an appointment in 4 weeks at the hospital, it says on the letter its to meet the team and discuss treatment and then to go onto the list for IVF, I have spoke to other people who say that I will start treatment soon after that, but the letter doesn't say, its soooo confusing! So I dont know when I'll start. I'm pretty scared to be honest, this is my one chance and dont know where i'll go from there if it doesn't work.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

pinkroses - the list is...you go on the list for the week you are due to come on your period. if you come on earlier/later you will have to see if they have space. you cant put yourself on the list for more than one week (this is what happened with my clinic). my clinic only did 12 ivf's a week.  

the discussion will be....what drugs you will have and how many embryos you want putting back in, and you can ask any questions. write your questions down and fill in answers while you are there cause you wont retain it cause its too emotional/important a meeting after the wait  

the next thing would be....injection training with nurse and picking up the prescription of drugs.

when you get period you phone them and they tell you when to come in for a "baseline scan and bloods" which checks where you are in your cycle. they then advise you when to go back for the next "baseline and bloods" (scan and blood test basically)

once your womb is ready and your blood levels match womb, they tell you to have late night injection which makes you ovulate, and then you go in for Egg Collection, and then normally 3 days after you go in for Embryo Transfer.

then preg test day is NORMALLY 2 weeks from the day of the EC.

i hope thats helped in some way, as a general guide, and made it LESS scary for you


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