# Totally Unexpected



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ladies
I had a phone call today from our SW and we now have details on a 2yr old little boy and an appointment next Thursday with his SW.

We haven't read his form yet, just had to get the printer sorted! but are a complete mix of emotions.

Our SW is coming out Friday to talk about what we think.

Have no idea what to expect so any words of wisedom on this next stage and deciding a child is right for your family and you are right for them would be gratefully received.
Love
Ot x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi OT

no wise words other then WOW! lets hope its the "right" match for u and DH

xxx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

OT,

I have everything crossed that this works out!!!!! Let us know anything as soon as you can!
I think reactions to perspective children really vary. Our situation was absolutely clear cut as we were 100% sure about Sunshine the second we heard about her. Others I know have really had to weigh up alot of information so I think each case is unique. Just be practical and realistic but also let your heart tell you if this littlie may be the one!

Love and all my positive thoughts JD x


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

OT - congratulations on this exciting development. The best advice I can give you is ask as many question as you need and follow your instincts. Don't be tempted to proceed if deep down you have reservations, there will be more children despite how hard the waiting feels.

Fingers crossed that this is the one!!!

sundog
x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi All
Having read his forms we do have some worries, mainly that the info isn't very upto date and we feel we know more about the BPs than the little boy.  

Is it normal not to have his medical report at this stage?
Thanks
Love
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi OT - first of all congratulations on this potential match!

You've already worked out your first question to ask..........up to date medical form.

Make a list of things you are uncertain of but if you feel this is not the right child it is best to say NO for all concerned now rather than later.

Sometime you find there is more information written down about the BPS than there is the child.

may be you could ask for a written report form his foster carer?  She/he will be the ones responsible for his day to day care and can most probably give you a better picture of things.

Good luck with making the decision.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi OT,

Great news about your potential match.

PBMx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi OT, 
Great news about your potential match, I'm sure that you'll make the right decision.
Viva
XXX


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ladies
Again Thank you for your lovely words and best wishes.

Andrea, its a very good idea and one that we will be asking about.

We have our SW coming this afternoon and we spent last night talking and reading.  We do feel we could go forward with this child as long as 2 questions are answered right.  

Firstly, we need to know his legal status.  The last thing we want is to get dragged into a long wait as both BPs are noted as contesting the adoption.  Nothing states he is 'free' for placement.

Secondly, his medical info.  It doesn't sound as though there is anything to worry about but we found a bit of conflicting info and need to know whats right.

He does sound a lovely little lad, full of mischief and very lively but he is 2 so its what we would expect.  We both feel his 'issues' on attachment and behaviour could be improved greatly by a stable loving family with boundries and routine.

Hopefully in the next week we will have the answers and know which way we are going.  I think we are both scared of making the wrong decision so are being over cautious.

Love
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

HI OT - hope today went well with the meeting with your SW and you manged to get some questions answered.

Let us know how things went when you can I hope its the right decision for you, what ever you decide.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

HI
We spent nearly 3 hours talking to our SW, she has the same concerns as we do and though we want more info before being able to decide we are not sure this little boy is for us.

Our SW said he is a very complex boy for his age and compared to most children they place in-house.  There would be the need of alot of professional help, therapy and medical, and it is uncertain whether we would be able to later adopt another child due to his issues.

We keep trying to find all the positives, certain areas would improve over time in a stable loving family with very firm boundries and routines, but there is a big ? over his health issues, conflicting medical reports and some very strange behaviour.  

I knew this part of things would be hard but I never expected it to be this difficult and heartbreaking.  Half of me wants to desparately help this child but we just don't seem to be able to make a connection, nothing has 'clicked' to say this is right.  Using my head and even my gut instinct I think we are going to be faced with saying no unless the meeting next week can report some big improvements and answer a lot of questions.  It doesn't seem as though it should be this hard if its right......

Love
OT x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

OT, this is very hard but I think you have to go with your instincts.  You can't help but feel guilty about the children you turn down.  At the same time as we found out about DD we also had a link to another baby girl within our LA (they were both the same age), however there were some health concerns that were yet to be answered.  As our DD's background was a lot more straightforward we went for her and yet part of me felt drawn to this other child because I felt she needed us more.

Reading between the lines it would appear that your SW is trying to point out that this would be a very difficult child to take on.  You have to think of your own lives and how taking on such a child would affect this.  Our DS has only minor attachment issues yet it can still be very wearing dealing with them, it sounds like taking on a child like this would be a major job.

Don't worry that if you turn this child down you won't get another opportunity, I know there are others who have children placed with them who have also had to turn down other children.  It's very hard but you have to do what is best for everybody, not just the child.

Take care
Cindy


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi OT,
I can only try and guess how hard this must be for you as 'Charlie and Lola' were the first children we considered. However as adopters we all have different things to offer different children, for us we did not feel able to take on children with major issues in realation to behaviour etc, whereas for others this may be exactly what they wish to do. I am sure that you will make the right decision and if this little one is not for you then I'm sure that the right child will find you and the right parents will be found for this little one. 
Hope you're managing to relax a little this weekend.
Viva
XXX


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

OT - big hugs   
this part of the process is waaaay more difficult than people think it will be..it made my brain hurt and disrupted normal life for days when we had links to think over.
just trust your heart hun  
kj x


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