# Chemical pregnancy????



## LS180 (Oct 9, 2012)

Hi ladies! 

My OTD was yesterday and I am feeling completely lost and depressed.

At 7dp 5dt ( 2 embryos transferred- 1 4aa blast and 1 pre blast) I tested positive on a clear blue digital saying 1-2 weeks.  I know it's bad to test early but I just felt pregnant. I had terrible headaches, fatigue and increased appetite and could only eat sweet foods, which I actually usually stay away from!

Secretly i was jumping up and down. But at 9dp 5dt I got brown sticky discharge which was like clots ( apologies for tmi) and stomach cramps.  Also my headaches vanished.  DH said not to worry and wait for the OTD.

Well yesterday at the hospital it came up as a faint positive after 5 mins.  The hospital gave me 2 options a blood test or urine sample in a few days.  I went for the bloods and my level was only 4 so it is a confirmed BFN as I was advised it needed to be greater than 10.

AF arrived this morning and I feel horrible and can not stop crying. I feel like I've lost a baby and just don't know what to do.

I've done everything the consultant has said, but 4aa blasts don't seem to stick and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anyone out there is a similar position? I have pcos and endo. Other than that the laparoscopy and hysteroscopy all came back normal. I only have 3 more attempts left as we are using stored sperm so can't take any chances with further failed cycles.

Should I be asking for any more tests 

Would love to hear from anyone who can provide any guidance.

Wishing you all the best in your journeys

Xxxx


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## simi0100 (Mar 17, 2011)

Dear LS180,

So sorry to hear this and having had a chemical before - I know exactly what you are feeling.  I did the same as you and tested early and got a bfp but on otd I got a bfn and was devastated.  Like you I also have the woes of dealing with pcos etc...which is never easy. 

Hoping that you find the strength soon to carry on your journey and you get your bfp soon hun. 

Lots of hugs xxx


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

LS180

I have had two chemicals so I know exactly how you feel, you get the positive test and try hard not to get to excited but then the BFN on OTD slaps you hard in the face doesn't it!

If you want to join a support group on here for negative cycles we have a negative cycle buddy thread ont he negative cycle and in between treatment page and you would be most welcome to join us, some of us have had chemicals and we all know how the dreaded BFN feels so you will be able to chat without any worries about explaining yourself!

Have you had any further tests like immunes/thyroid/thrombophillia/hidden infection testing?

After our second chemical we decided to do every test we could do and have now had to delay our new cycle for antibiotics following the hidden infection test.

We just felt we couldn't go through it all over again without making sure we were covering all the bases!

Pudding
x


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## LS180 (Oct 9, 2012)

Thanks for the reply simi0100, much appreciated.

I hope this is your time- when is your OTD for this cycle? Wishing you all the best 

Pcos is horrible, especially when I got diagnosed and there didn't seem to be much info about it.  For me, I think the hardest is knowing I'm running out of sperm and want to make sure I make the right next steps.

The strength to continue will come eventually, it's just hard. I think a good few months off not doing treatment and then make a decision.

That will give me some time to loose weight( weight issues and facial hair were my worst side effects of pcos) and hopefully improve my chances.

Xxxx


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## LS180 (Oct 9, 2012)

Thanks for the reply pudding-sorry to hear of your losses through chemical pregnancies. Here is hoping next time is your successful cycle 

I think a slap in the face is a understatement! It's a very cruel joke that shouldn't happen to anyone. The slight glimpse of hope which is snatched away.  

Thank you for the suggestion of the support group-will definitely join. As much as I talk to friends they just don't get it as they all have kids or are pregnant.

I have not had any tests apart from the usual when you start your ivf journey of hormone levels etc.

After 3 failed cycles the consultant wanted to check if the d & c had caused any damage so I had a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and ovarian drilling.  The consultant was sure the drilling would result in bfp as would improve my pcos symptoms.

I have had a prolactin test and that's it. So many thanks for the suggestions. Like you I want every test done that I can before the next cycle and want to be ready to discuss with the consultant different tests I want.

When are you starting your next cycle? 

Wish you all the best in your journey

Xxxx


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hi LS180

I think you are right, everything we say about the awfulness of IVF is an understatement, how can we possibly put into words how devastating the process and the waiting and the dissapointment is to us! There just are no words!

I hope you do join the negative cycle buddy thread, the ladies i have met on there have helped me through the last couple of months, after a second chemical I didn't know what to do, I found it hard to get out of bed most days but talking to them helped me to find my way out of it!

I have been working all afternoon so have kept my mind off things as much as possible but I know the minute I go downstairs, I work from home, it will hit me all over again!

My closest friends are all new mums so I know what you mean! they just cant get it, even if they wanted to understand it is an alien concept to people that don't suffer from IF isn't it!

Def have the other tests done, we had the immunes testing done at the Lister and they were great and so far Serum seems to be really helpful for the hidden infection testing too! I know that most UK clinics don't support infection testing but I'm willing to try whatever I need to to help us.

We were hoping to start next Thursday but now it will be another months wait, which just seems like FOREVER!

Chin up babe, having a new plan, like doing new tests has helped me and it could help you too!

Stay strong and remember its always darkest before the dawn! 

Pudding
x


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## LS180 (Oct 9, 2012)

Hi Pudding,

I don't think it is possible to put it into words, but every woman that goes through ivf/icsi understands how we all feel.  I think unsaid says it all.

Keeping your mind busy is the best thinng and I completely understand the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed as I am the same. It's just so hard to pick yourself up off the floor.  I suffered from depression from the age of 15 (ever since I got diagnosed with pcos as the doc told me at 15 I would never have kids, which wasn't true, but back in the early 1990's I don't think there was much info on it) 

So I just re lapse. I've had counselling over the last 6 months and felt better and that's why I started treatment again only for a chemical to happen and my world just fallen down.  I told my husband I'm not going to get depressed and use this time to loose more weight ( I lost nearly 2 stone which I put on after the mc and failed cycles) but its just so hard. Last night I just felt like getting very drunk!!!

I will get more tests done and thanks again for suggestions.  I've become obsessed and keep researching everything just to find out other ways of improving.  Read about endo scratch and embryo glue.  I want to start treatment again ASAP but financially it's just not possible. 

Waiting does always seem like a life time, but just hang on in there!! A month will fly by and you will be injecting away in no time!!

Any support you need just let me know 

Keep smiling  

Xxxx


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

LS180

Your post and your offer of support to me has made me cry! 

Even whilst in the depth of your post chemical you are offering to help me and that just shows what a wonderful person you must be and how strong you are!

I'm having a scratch on my upcoming cycle and gave made a lot of other changes to my protocol following other tests, if you want to discuss further testing or if I can help you out with info or any support just let me know, either on here or PM!

I have to say that the support I have had from the amazing women I have met on here has given me the strength to carry on through the very worst heartache of my life!

DH and I are having a naughty weekend off our diet and I am enjoying a glass of wine right now! I hope you are too!

Lots of hugs to you sweetheart, we can survive and we will be better Mummas for it in the long run regardless of how it happens for us!

Pudding
X


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