# Should we do more IUI or go to IVF? Help!



## Alicat30 (Apr 9, 2010)

Hi all, just joined the site and it's been so helpful just reading through everyone's experiences. Makes you feel so much less lonely. Looking forward to hopefully getting to know you all. Anyway, here's my question:

We've just come through 2nd cycle of DIUI (stimulated as I don't have periods since stopping the Pill nearly a year ago) which failed (though still no AF day 17 PO - what's that about?) I've found this really hard and I just feel really negative about everything. I'm the one TTC first as DP, who also wants to TTC, has PCOS and is trying to lose weight etc. Irony is she now has more regular periods than me which we didn't expect at the time! We're both 30. We'd said at the outset that we would do 3 or 4 rounds of DIUI for financial reasons - £1k a time at private clinic - then DP would try for the same no of rounds. Clinic say 4 cycles of IUI is reasonable before trying IVF. I feel totally discouraged and feel like throwing the cash at 1 IVF attempt instead of 2 more IUI that prob won't work. DP is really against IVF cos she feels it's invasive and doesn't have a much higher success rate for the cost. She also thinks it's unreasonable of me to want to do it before she TTC through IUI. I just don't think I can go through another 2 IUI failures emotionally but I also feel like I've invested so much emotionally in the idea of getting pregnant that need to see things through. Then again, if we do IVF and it fails, how would I feel then? We could only do it once for me because of £. What would you do: more IUI or IVF? What have others' experiences been? Anyone else in a relationship where you both want to TTC? I feel TERRIBLE for some of the thoughts I've had e.g. how will I feel if I have to give up but then DP gets a BFP first time? Why am I being so selfish when the most important thing is just to have a baby?

Sorry for this rambling outpouring! Really looking forward to chatting. Have a good day and hope you've got some sunshine too!

Ali


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Hi Alicat, welcome to the boards. I felt the exact same way as you do after my 2nd BFN. I felt angry/confused/desperate and just wanted to know why. As you can see I went through a third & now looking to IVF. If money is an issue have you looked into IVF egg sharing? (significant reduction in cost) Knowing there are options other than IUI may (or may not) make you feel better. Good luck!


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## deemo (Oct 13, 2009)

Alicat30: Sorry about your BFN - I know how they feel. Even though the stats tell us that IUI has a 10-15% chance to work we still expect it to happen 100%!    And, if a straight couple would tell you they are upset for having TTC for just two months and failed to get pregnant you'd consider them mad... but still we give ourselves such a hard time after just a few IUIs! 

Re. having mixed feelings about "what if my other half gets pregnant with our child before I do" - reckon it's very important to keep communicating about this with your DP - perhaps she is having the same feelings?


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## Pepstar (Jul 6, 2009)

Sorry about your bfn.  I can so understand where you are at - we felt exactly the same way after our second IUI.

We had originally thought we would do 4/5 iui and then move to ivf but after the second time we decided that we would try IUI one more time and then move to IVF.  Luckily we did because we got our bfp!  We did change our protocol though - moved from a clomid cycle to a gonal-f one.  We know that we are very lucky and the success rate of iui really isn't very high.

Has your clinic suggested changing your drugs if you choose to do another stimulated iui?  I think someone else said as well but it finances are slightly constrained, have you considered egg sharing?

I second what deemo says that communication with your partner is key.  I felt like I was 'failing' my partner by not getting pregnant but communication was the key to keeping us strong.

Good luck!


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## katena (Nov 14, 2007)

hey,

Just wanted to wish you both luck and echo what they others have said.

Plus - have you approached your PCT to see if you can get and treatment free on the NHS? 

I have pcos - just like your partner - and we have been given some free treatment. It does depend on each pct though, and is sometimes a postcode lottery! But - worth a go in asking!

k


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Hi Alicat,

Hope you all don't mind me jumping in here but wanted to share my experience. I felt exactly the same way as you Alicat, after two BFNs with IUI I'd had enough and wanted to throw everything at one IVF instead. Like you I'd done two cycles back to back which I think is really draining. In the end things happened and I decided to try one more IUI, convinced that it wouldn't work and that there was no point but I felt that I 'should' try three IUIs before moving on. Well, I was stunned and totally over the moon to be third time lucky!! 

It is so hard to know what to do and the odds aren't great, maybe a month out if you have done two back to back might help you? I wish you lots of luck whatever you do  

bingbong x


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## Alicat30 (Apr 9, 2010)

Hi guys, thank you so much for all your words of wisdom - it's amazing to talk to people who have been there and understand, rather than my mum today who just said I need to stop being so despondent! Has given me lots to think about and talk over with DP. Back to clinic on Wed for a blood test as still no AF following the last IUI (what's that about? But def not preg unless 3 preg tests are wrong). *bingbong* and *Pepstar* - many congrats on your BFPs and that's def encouraging to hear! On other threads it seems to be BFN all the way. Speak soon, Ali


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## Alicat30 (Apr 9, 2010)

*katena* - best of luck for 19th by the way!


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## M2M (Sep 16, 2009)

So sorry to hear about your BFNs. 

It's a very personal decision and I think everyone's opinions will differ. We were initially going to go for IUI to start with but decided that as our clinic's success rates for DIUI are about 10% compared to DIVF at about 35%, with the price of IVF being about double the price of IUI, we decided to go for IVF from the outset.

Our clinic also has a very small amount of donor sperm available, though for a very good price (£150 per vial as opposed to £600-£800 which I've seen elsewhere) so we didn't want to risk using it all up on unsuccessful IUI treatments. I realise that logically, I could get pregnant on the first try of IUI, but I just get the feeling that if it didn't work within one or two goes, I would regret not putting that money into a single IVF cycle. I also have long cycles and am not sure that I ovulate, so IVF avoids any further investigations such as the HyCoSy. Have you had a tubal patency test? Our clinic won't do IUI without one so just wondered if you know whether your tubes are patent or not?

I think there are so many factors to weigh up and I can honestly say that in the end, we just went with our gut instincts more than anything. IVF feels a lot more controlled and more right for our personal circumstances - only you can decide.


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## Alicat30 (Apr 9, 2010)

Hi *M2M*, thanks - useful to hear different takes on it. I agree with you about IVF - I totally feel like we're chucking money away on IUI but DP doesn't agree and really doesn't want to go down the IVF route at the mo. I'm still waiting for AF to arrive and haven't started another IUI cycle yet. Stuck in a bit of a limbo just now but back to clinic tomorrow for blood test and to see a counsellor which I think will help me. Yes I did get tubes tested (lovely test that one!) and it came back fine, as did all my other tests but like you I'm not sure that I ovulate and I don't have periods at all since stopping the pill. So I've been on a bunch of drugs to make all that happen. But still BFN. I know if you were a straight couple you would never expect to get preg within 2 cycles probably but the money is a HUGE consideration. Cheers again, Alicat


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hi there sorry to interrupt, M2M i was just wondering which clinic you are using as that does sound an awful lot cheaper than many others...

thanks

Greatgazza


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## M2M (Sep 16, 2009)

We are at Hull IVF Unit: http://www.hullivf.org.uk/

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that fertilityfriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## BecsW (Jun 14, 2009)

Hi Alicat,
We did 4 IUIs and the fourth was successful. We had a follow up appt after the 3rd BFN as we were so despondent and I insisted we should move to IVF as the success % rates are higher. However, the Dr pursuaded us to have one more try. IUI is no where near as pricey as IVF and hardly invasive either. Altogether it cost us £5000 and now we have our beautiful son. IVF ws about £4000 with our clinic so for us it was the right choice but it was soooo hard to decide, I was so certain that it wasn't going to work. It can only be your choice, we put a limit on 4 times and that helped with our decision otherwise we would have continually asked ourselves after each time shall we change to IVF now? Our clinic recommends 4 times before moving onto IVF so I guess that is a good benchmark as that is based on success rates. Hope this helps and ver, very best of luck to you and DP,
Becs x


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