# Adopting as a single person



## seb1 (Mar 22, 2012)

I was wondering if anyone had any experience of adopting alone. I have been to the information presentation but can't do the prep course til next year as the LA only do them 4 times a year. The next two are full & I'm away for the one in October. The information presentation was full of couples - I was the only single person there! 
Any support would be gratefully received


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

I'm looking into it at the moment - got the open evening next week
Taking mum with me.

There's a thread on the singles board with some info form others that have gone or are looking to go down that route:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=149503.0

   Tis xxx


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## Cornflower (Jun 5, 2011)

Hello Seb1 (and Thetis), I was very happy to see your post as I'm also a single potential adopter and we're a bit thin on the ground on here!  I took my sister with me to an open eve a few weeks ago and was very glad I had as it was a sea of couples. The social workers were very transparent about the pro's and con's of being single and adopting (yes, it seems there are some occasions when we're viewed as a positive choice). From all I've read it seems that we have to make an extra effort to prove our support network, so I've been talking to a lot of friends about all this recently! 

Sorry you're having to wait a while for the prep course...but does that mean you've had the social worker visit and been accepted into their assessment process? If not can you try other LAs?


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

*Cornflower* thanks for the insight honey - must admit am a little nervous - but not quite sure why. Am glad mum can come though.

All the best - hope you get going soon - would be interesting to see how you go.

Take care Tis xx


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## time2bmom (Jan 18, 2012)

Hi seb1! Welcome aboard 
I'm going it alone too.. went to the information evening on my own and although there were a ton of couples, there were also 2 other single women there.
The agency were great as Cornflower has said too.
My full application form has just gone in and I'm on the prep group in mid april!

Good luck! I'm going through the process of telling people at the mo and it's proving erm..interesting lol. One of my bosses said to my friend at work "she's a lovely girl why doesn't she wait a bit more, I'm sure she'll meet someone in 6 mths".. blokes eh!

Have a look at the adoption uk website too. There are forums just for us singlies


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## seb1 (Mar 22, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies. In my area adjacent LAs are not taking people on at the moment although I will keep checking that information. It seems that the process is different in different areas. I have to do the 3 day prep course before submitting the full application. I am waiting for the one to one with the SW so an hoping I will find out more then. I also took mum with me to the info meeting which was semmingly seen as a positive by the SW as she came over and said "are you going to be a grandma then?" 
I have spent a lot of time looking at what will be available in terms of adoption leave pay so it looks like I will be able to have the six months off that they recommend. The next challenge is to look at nursery or child care fees (pretty expensive!!) 
Thanks for the support. Good luck to all of you.
I'll keep you posted & look for updates of your journeys.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Folks, I'm not a single adopter, but I just wanted to pop over and wish you luck and let you know that there were ten people at our prep course, two of which were single adopters, and we had a single adopter coming to talk to us as part of the past adopters panel on the last day.

So there are others like you out there!

And, for what it's worth, I think you're fab, and will do a brilliant job.


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## Cornflower (Jun 5, 2011)

Ah, thanks AoC, that's nice!

My latest dilemma is that I haven't told my parents yet of my big plan. They tend to get anxious about things so I'd thought I'd put it off til I was accepted into the assessment system. But having spoken to a social worker the other day it seems that they need to be convinced of family support before you even get into the assessment. My sister has been involved from the start and is fab support and my friends are being great but it seems I must line up my parents as support even though they live 200 miles away. I can see that it would be important that a child's only set of grandparents would be supportive though so I can see their point. Anyone had any relevant experience in this?


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## seb1 (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi Cornflower
My Mum was quite negative when I started talking about going down the adoption route.  I asked her to come to the information presentation with me.  I said it would be useful as she sees things differently to me so would have a different perspective and different questions.  She came out of the meeting with quite a positive attitude.  This is backed up bu my sister and her financee who have been supportive from day one.  I wonder if you might ask your parents to come to stay for one of the meetings with your SW.  Give them the opportunity to ask questions directly.  If you explain the situation to your SW then they won't be too taken aback if your parents seem a bit negative to begin with.  My Mum spent quite a few weeks going over all the written info from the LA and I found that just giving her some time has been the right way to go.  
Good luck.


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

on our prep group we had a single female and she has just adopted 2 girls, she had a really strong support network to help her


so being single won't hold you back
best of luck


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi I too am a single adopter.  I waited 12 months to get on a prep couse which I completed in January, I am now half way through homestudy. I was waiting for a course through my own LA and after 10months I jumped ship and decided to shop about and went to an LA a few miles away from me (12 miles).  Apparantley this is a good thing for the new LA, not living in there LA they can place one of their children with me as I dont live in the area and this is a good thing for them.  Not only should this help with timescales when it comes to matching.  So my advice is dont wait shop around try lots and you might get lucky and get on one much sooner


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Thanks for all the positive stories and journeys - have got open evening tonight - just dipping my toe in the water as still not 100% about anything at the moment (time of year..   )
I too was told by my LA that I could not adopt from where I live - but trawled through and found out that my postcode was one of the 'areas to adopt' postcode.
For the singlies - what age children were you told to expect? 
Thank you again   
Tis xxx


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## time2bmom (Jan 18, 2012)

I don't really have a lot of family support, so I hope that won't be my downfall. Not that I don't have family but it's mainly my Aunt (who is in her 60s) and lives a good hr away, step dad and brother and sister who all live several hours drive away. My brother and sister are 16 & 18 and when I told them about it their reaction was.. "oh cool" and then "are we going to get lumbered with babysitting duty" lol. I have great friends though so hopefully it won't count against me too much! There must be other people that adopt without any family at all!


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## time2bmom (Jan 18, 2012)

Thetis said:


> Thanks for all the positive stories and journeys - have got open evening tonight - just dipping my toe in the water as still not 100% about anything at the moment (time of year..  )
> I too was told by my LA that I could not adopt from where I live - but trawled through and found out that my postcode was one of the 'areas to adopt' postcode.
> For the singlies - what age children were you told to expect?
> Thank you again
> Tis xxx


Wow people seem to have had to wait ages to get onto the prep group! I was approved on the 2nd March and they signed me up to the prep group mid April. Though this was through a VA so perhaps they run more.

I was told too that they wouldn't allow me to adopt from my local area, which makes total sense, but I guess once approved you can look outside your local VA can you?


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Timb2bemom, it has become clear to me during the homestudy that your support network is hugely important infact you have to do an ecomap which shows who will be your support network, who you see regularly, spk to regularly, who will offer emotional, practical, support.  The reason I tell you this is not to scare you, but as you have already pointed out you dont have much in the way of family that live locally maybe you can start thinking about who amongst your friends that will be of practical use to you.  Hope I've not worried you, I just wanted to make you aware so you dont start straight from the off telling any social workers you dont have much family support.  Make your friends who you see and spk to regularly you support network.  Best wishes


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Just back from my first open evening and all I can say is that I'm really disappointed.  Even mum was disappointed too.
Nothing new was passed - all the info you can find on here or on the LA website.  Was very wishy washy and I personally didn't find it helpful at all. Will be looking at other areas now.
Didn't realise that they had to contact your employers tho - I really do not want my boss to know - have already had to put up with sarcy comments from his wife about turkey basters and sperm donors ...    
Back to the drawing board...   
Tis xx


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

Thetis - is there not an HR department at your workplace? They only need a reference so it doesn't have to come from your boss directly. I've been to two info evenings in two different LAs and neither was brilliant, I didn't learn anything new at all. But it's a way of weeding out time wasters for them so they have to do it really.

Sorry it wasn't better for you. Do you have other options in your area? Other LAs within an hour/50 miles?

xx


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Thanks Bluey - looking at VA's too now.  Am in Armed Forces so it works a little different.  Think I's put done my Naval doc as she's been brilliant through my whole journey.


I was so disappointed as was mum.  Ah well ... Next!


   Tis xx


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## seb1 (Mar 22, 2012)

update......
I did contact the neighbouring LA to see if their prep course dates were any different or any more available but sadly, they run them on exactly the same dates as my LA, which I cannot do.....(so frustrating).....so it looks like I will not be able to do prep until Jan/Feb next year - more than 12 months since initial contact.  Funny considering the government reckon they are speeding up the process (ha ha).
Had a call from SW yesterday wanting to come for initial visit in middle of April.  Am quite looking forward to it coz I can ask some questions.
I have worked out that I can afford to take 6 months adoption leave but Mum is worried about me being able to afford a child esp re nursery fees etc!!  I am hoping the SW will be able to give me some idea re single parent benefits.  Problem is I will be earning £40k plus so don't think I am entitled to anything despite my outgoings.
Any thoughts?


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## seb1 (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi all
How is everyone getting on?
I was just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or information about benefits.  I have been talking the adoption plan through with my family and everyone seems to have a different opinion as to whether I will be eligible for any help.  I am really concerned about whether I can afford to do this.......


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## time2bmom (Jan 18, 2012)

Hi seb

I'm going to be putting some stuff up on my blog about this tomorrow, as much info as I've managed to find so far. It's a needle in a haystack trying to work out what you are and aren't entitled to!

Other than Statutory Adoption Pay (£135 per week) the other benefits (Tax Credits, etc.) are based on your income. Depsite the fact that you'll no longer be receiving that income during adoption leave, which seems a bit bizarre to me. It turns out I'm not entitled to jot so now I'm going to have to do something clever with work and leave I build up to be able to take time off and still receive some form of income. I've almost worked it out but it's a nightmare.

This website - http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1362 gives you info on work and your rights.
Also here - http://www.direct.gov.uk/adoption.dsb
Also this is a great site for help with Benefits - http://www.turn2us.org.uk/default.aspx

There are -
Working Tax Credits (or Income Support)
Child Benefit
Housing Allowance
Council Tax Benefit
Statutory Adoption Pay (unfortunately you don't get the first 6 weeks on full/90% pay as you do with maternity unless your employer has chosen to do that on a discretionary basis)

And others depending on your circumstances like disability, etc.

I'm trying to write a Finances 101 lol but it's taking me ages!

I've just started the Prep Groups which were AMAZING but still waiting for a SW to be allocated so haven't started the Home Study yet.

x

/links


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