# Feel like people around me don't think its a big deal when I get a BFN



## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Hi guys just me t rying to talk some anger and hurt out, but I just feel like people don't seem to think me having a BFN is much of a big deal cause I always get them, on first month of clomid it was expected that it'd work and I'd fall pg but cause clomid hasn't worked for me and after the first month of failure it was like "oh well", it hurts each month to not fall pg and to have the damn witch arrive but its like everyone thinks its a norm for me now and its no hugs even or very little hugs when I'm not pg - I feel crushed ever month but no one really seems to care.


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## tweetie (Feb 5, 2005)

aww hunni.i have read your diary.i do know how you feel when you try every month and nothing.i did it for years and by thend of everything month you are tearing your hair out at yet another neg.is there nothing else that can be done to help you get pg hunniit must be torture for you.i really do know how you feel and wish you all the best for the future and hope that one day soon you will get your dream hunni.     .if you want a chat let me know hunni.i like the name.i am taking it it is because you like catsi have 6 of them.lol.xxxx.


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## shelly_anne (Aug 5, 2005)

awwwww sweetheart

Here's some BIG      

Am really sorry its not happening for you hunny!!!

Wish I could do something to make it all ok for you.

Take care me lovely

Lots of love

Shelly_anne xxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Maybe I am feeling more pants today cause i am tired and heavy af!  

Just feel that people expect me to get a BFN and they don't seem to think its that big a deal when I do!  I dunno!

Yeah love the feline species hun - have 5 - pics in my gallery.


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## tweetie (Feb 5, 2005)

i love cats hunni.will have alook at yours in gallery.mine are all like babies especially my new one.one of mine has a bit of a cold and keeps sneezing everywhere at the mo.he is asleep snoring.   .hope the af calms down and we know that can sometimes make us feel even worse about everything.still you have a valid point i think,just cause it isnt working out doesnt mean we shouldnt be sympathetic and acknowledge that fact hunni we are here for everyone i thought.lol.xxx.


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)




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## Sue MJ (May 4, 2002)

Nikki,

Sorry to hear you've had another BFN this month .

I'm not sure who you are referring to here, trying to aim your anger out - is it people actually close to you in the 'normal' world, or those of us within the 'cyber' world on here?  If the latter, I'm sure nobody on here thinks it's not a big deal as we all desperately know what it's like to have the desperation of wanting a child or two or more.

If it's the 'real' world people in your life, then I'm sorry, but that just goes with the territory.  People find it very very hard to understand the desperation of infertility unless they themselves have had first hand experience.

I was just chatting to one of the young physio's in the hospital where my dh is at the moment and she made a comment about how she can't believe how wanting a baby takes over so many women's lives, how obsessesive they become over it.  She didn't mean it nastily, wasn't slating anyone, but was merely expressing how she finds that hard to comprehend.  I told her, that's obviously because she's at a stage (she's very young and not in a relationship at the moment and is just enjoying her job) where she wants to even think of having a family, but when she is, the feelings that us women get of such desperatation are what we have no control over.  She appreciated what I was saying then and said, she hopes that she doesn't ever get to the stage where when she does want children, that she experiences such desperation as she has seen families torn apart by it.  

So don't be too harsh on those that have been lucky enough to escape the situation we've found ourselves in - after all, I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy.

All the very best,

Love,

Sue xxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Sue its at people around me in my real life.

I also wouldn't wish infertility on anyone but Im just hurt that people don't think its a big deal that I am not pregnant again - the reaction I get is "Oh well" for a split second!


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Sorry if my post has upset you


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hello

Im sorry to hear you are not getting much support and sympathy from those around you.  Im in exactly the same boat.  Im at the point now where my relatives dont even ask how its going, they dont want to know I got a BFN or even where I am with treatment.  They just think "oh well, it will happen" and thats it.

After 7 years ttc, 88 BFNs and counting, I can honestly say it doesnt get any easier, Im sorry.  Best thing you can do is just not tell everyone what your up to.  Keep it between you and DH and everyone here.  These are the people who will give you the support you need and deserve and that way you wont be setting yourself up for this kind of hurt every month.

Sending you a big  and so sorry to hear that  got you.

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Hun I am sorry you aren't getting the support either


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Thanks   Ive decided now that if I do get PG Im not telling any of them unless they ask how its going.  That way maybe it will hit home that they never take an interest in anyone but themselves and let them see just how long its been since they bothered to pick up a phone or send a text message.  They only care about their own lives, they arent interested in anyone else (that goes for my sister and  my inlaws) that I dont see why we should rush in with the news when it does happen.

PM me any time 

Witchie Poo Cat


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Its so hard isn't it cause each month you build it up inside - wish there was a way to calm that down.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

massive hugs nikki

i know how you feel

it could so be me writing this post that you started with

with our last tx cycle we did OI but on an ivf protocol and told a very select few(not even my mum cos she doesnt mean to but she tells the world) and someone im close too said to me during it "oh well if it doesnt work its not the end of the world" yeah its the end of my world!

have to say for me i normally dont asnwer her back about things however when i went and saw her last yr she went on about how under 25yr olds shouldnt have babies as they havent lived there lives- my responce was "so i have had a great life ttc since i was 19" our life has been on hold since then for the "just in case" dont think she liked it however i said its not my fault i was lucky and met my husband when i was 16 and got together with him when i was 19 and married him whern i was 21

some people are so hurtful- maybe sometimes have a rant back and they will realise- have to say one friend whom was great but i knew she didnt quiet get how hurt i felt soon realised when i made her wartch "empty arms"

sorry this has turned into me ranting

just mainly wanted you to know your sadly not alone- i have found one thing in life- you cant understand how extreame you can feel about something untill you have been through it!

hugs
xxxxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Awwww sweetie big  to you too hunnie.

I hate the person its made me become too - I was always care free and happy!


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## KerryB (Mar 7, 2005)

Aw Nikki honey,   to you. I think the one thing we cna be glad of is these wonderful ladies we've got on FF to listen and support us. Its not easy sometimes, even we don't know what to say on occassions, but just knowing that people understand how we feel and having somewhere to rant and expell our hurt and emotions is good. Better than keeping it bottled up.

It will happen for you hun, as hopefully it will us all. Until then, we care when you get a   and we'll always be here for you.

Take care


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

i used to be care free and never worry about anything- life and soul of the party! my outter self still loves like that but my inner self isnt! its horrid how it makes u feel

due to my pcos and tx i have even stopped working as it was way to much trying to work with tx and also my pcos made me so ill when working i was always ewither off sick or getting in trouble for my sick time! (which made mefeel horrid as dont like letting people down)

this whole IF stuff sucks!!!!!

however nikki we have to remember one day WE WILL GET THERE and have our much loved and wanted babies!

xxxxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

In trouble for sickness at work - yep thats me too!

Thanks sweetie, I know I am feeling more down cause of heavy af and tired from working so much!


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

just remember we are all here for you

the tired thing was a big thing for me as then i was getting sick with every bug that came in the office!

massive hugs

xxxxxxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Thanks Mez x


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## strawbs (May 16, 2005)

sorry you are feeling doen, I could have written the exact same post last month.  This month people well my mum and some of my friends have been brill.  I have made the decision now not to tell anyone where I am at with tx as I think it adds to the stress and anxiety.  Maybe you could do this too.  Only if people ask.  I think you are like me and wear your heart on your sleeve which is not always a good thing.

It is alawys a horrible time with af as it is a constant reminder that you are not pg, hopefully things will become a little easier once af stops.

Are you taking a break from clomid now  I was debating whether to, I have decided to do 2 more cycles then come off for 2 months.  Maybe a break would be good for you, takes away some of the stress and diary watching, symtom checking!

I wish you well, take care
strawbs xxx


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