# Failed Microtese



## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

Hello, I’m very new to this site and I’ve spent the last couple of days glued to it however this is my first time posting. Myself and my wonderful boyfriend have been ttc for almost 3 years. We sought help beginning of last year and are privately funded (I have a beautiful 11 year old daughter from a previous relationship). After some investigations and tests we found out that my boyfriend has the fertility problems. He has had a number of semen analysis either showing 0 or very very low sperm count. We saw a urologist named Rowland Reese who gave us a 50-60% of a successful microteese after his most recent semen analysis showed some sperm. We travelled to Harley Street (from Portsmouth) on Wednesday where he had the op. We are heartbroken and devastated that it was unsuccessful and right now I don’t even know what day of the week it is I feel like we’re living in our own world of sadness under a black cloud. My questions are, do you think it would be worth trialing more supplements (he’s used fertilsan m and fertility smart) and get an appointment with dr Ramsay for a second opinion. Or do you think this is the end of the road and donor sperm is our only option? Boyfriend is happy to use donor sperm however I can’t rap my head around the fact the baby won’t be 50/50 ours 😭


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

So sorry to hear this. 

My Dp also had this in 2014 and it failed miserably and left us in complete turmoil wondering which path to take.

We considered mr ramsey. Another mtese. And seeing if there was any way on this earth we could somehow find some sperm.
But in the end we accepted it was futile and moved foward positively with donor sperm ivf.

More heartache was up ahead however when 3 rounds of IUI and 3 IVF transfers all failed miserably despite proven donor sperm and my supposedly young plentiful eggs.

Fast forward to 2019 and I finally had my beautiful baby boy using donor eggs and donor sperm .

Donor is not the end of your journey. Its just the beginning. If that is the path u choose to take.

Only u know what is best 

Best of luck whatever u decide 

K xx


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## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

K jade said:


> So sorry to hear this.
> 
> My Dp also had this in 2014 and it failed miserably and left us in complete turmoil wondering which path to take.
> 
> ...


What made you decide against dr Ramsay if I may ask? Did you just ‘know’ you had to go down the donor route? How do you feel about your donor baby? I know I’m so new to this but I don’t know how I will feel
About our future baby not being genetically his? Xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

We felt that even in the unlikely event that Mr Ramsey could somehow get sperm from my DP. The chances were it would be extremely poor quality and unlikely to result in a successful ivf cycle. Then we would be back at square 1. Having to once again go through donor sperm ivf but emotionally and financially exhausted.
But it's an extremely personal decision and many who have persisted in trying to get sperm have succeeded. 
In relation to my son obviously I love him completely and feel he is completely mine. As much as any person can belong to another person.
Ultimately I grew and carried him and am his birth and biological mother. 

Donor conception is a huge thing to get your head around at first so be kind to yourself. 

I'd recommend looking at 

definingmum.com
Or 
The donor conception network 

Xx


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## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

Yes of course I totally understand that. Did your husband have some semen analysis that had swimmers in it? This is why I’m finding it hard to accept because at some point or another he had some too! But I’m taking your point on board that even if some are found in the future they might not be strong enough. Was your husband put on any medication prior to his mTese? X


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

No he never had any swimmers whatsoever. 
Sadly the micro tese confirmed that it would have been impossible for him to produce sperm as he only has 1 set of cells and a man needs two sets of these certain germ cells.
It was a very difficult time and I still feel extremely sad for him.

In your case I I completely understand why u would want to keep persisting. 
There are cases where medications like tamoxifen and clomid have been used to "up"ver y low numbers . It may be worth asking about these 
I have however heard that mr Ramsey has recently retired from the nhs and it may not be long till he retires from practice completely. So I'd get in to see him sooner rather than later.
If that's what u choose to do.

Best of luck xx


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## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through what we are experiencing right now. It’s absolute turmoil isn’t it and I can’t see us ever being happy again. My (our) daughter just keeps saying let’s get a dog instead! Oh god please don’t tell me that he has retired 🙏🏽 I emailed him on Friday but his secretary was out of the office so I’m going to call/email again Monday. Can I ask your experience/thoughts on DS? I feel like I’m never going to ‘get over’ having to use it? But do you? Sorry I’m just desperate for answers xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

It was a rumour so from what u say sounds like hes still practicing. He may be able to prescribe meds to get your DHs count high enough for icsi. 

It took me quite a while to get my head around donor sperm so your not unusual there. 
It helped to read other peoples stories who'd gone through the same thing.
Using donor sperm is extremely common nowadays as single woman and same sex couples need it to have a child so in the end I just felt ok about it and that it was normal. When u realise that so many other people need donor help to have a family u feel less alone and the shame diminishes. But it was a big grieving process. 
Of course u may not get to that point and hopefully me Ramsey will be able to help you like he has so many others 
Xx


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## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

I’m going to call his office first thing Monday morning. I can’t face work (I work in a primary school) so going to take a few days off even just to sort out appointments and gain more information for our next steps. With regards to your child, are you going to tell him he was conceived via DS? I have read that it’s advised to however this puts me off even more. I’d hate to have ‘the chat’ looming over my thoughts. Thank you for replying to me xx


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## wilberdoo (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi Francessxo (and hi KJ👏)
This is the hardest bit I think, that awful moment when it feels like all is lost and you’ll never get through it. Sending you massive virtual hugs - I remember vividly what a tough time that was. 
My hubby is the same as Kjade’s - 0 sperm, no germ cells. I didn’t even know that was a thing when we found out in 2012; all men have sperm right?! 😩
I struggled so much that we wouldn’t have ‘our’ child, I think it nearly broke me - and us.
We didn’t do any further treatment or investigation as it seemed futile, expensive and I my hubby was at peace with using a donor. He was always so good about it all - I was a mess. I was actually quite angry he didn’t want to do more - but it’s his body and in the end I also made peace with it.
We had a little boy in 2016 using a donor and by some miracle I am pregnant a second time, same donor. 
We will tell our kids and have already started the discussion with our 5 year old, we’ve talked about it since he was 2 or 3 so it will never be a shock. We couldn’t love him any more, we don’t think about it day to day, he’s just our son. 
it’s hard to accept though so give yourself time to grieve and hopefully you’ll find a decision you are happy with. 
I’m so sorry you are going through this - it’s tough. And hard to discuss with others too.
Good luck xxxxxx ❤


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## Francessxo (Apr 16, 2021)

Hi thank you for your reply sorry it’s taken me all day to respond I have tried to stay off my phone all day. Congratulations on both of your babies! Can I ask a little more about your husband and his infertility? Did he ever have any sperm? Any that were even abnormal? I’ve just dug out one my my boyfriends analysis from 2019 and it says he has low count and some immotile but some grade A motile sperm albeit sparse! I’m so confused as to how he’s had some but none found on the microtese? I’m wondering if it could be due to stress? He recently started his own business so had been a little more stressed than usual. Any help or advice please xxx


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