# Thinking of having IUI *



## Ronstar (Dec 30, 2007)

Hi All,
I am new to this board. My dh and I have been ttc for a year but he has depression and things just aren't happening. It has become very stressful for him and me so now we are thinking about alternatives and IUI seems like it might be a good option for us. He feels like a failure at the moment and that is making everything worse and of course all my friends have children or are pregnant which makes me feel resentful towards him sometimes. He has said that he is starting to find it difficult seeeing other people with babies because he feels it is something that we can't make happen  
Do you think that IUI might help us? We are going to ask our GP and then we would probably go privately. How would we find a good clinic? What sort of cost would we be looking at?
I appreciate all or any help you might give us. 
It is nice to let out how I am feeling to people who understand.
Thank you
Ronstar


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Hi Ronstar, sorry to hear about DP having depression - ttc is hard enough without that 

Have you had any tests so far so you know what problems (if any) you have? If you want an honest opinion about IUI mine would be that any tx of any kind can be stressful & I found it very hard but DH found it just as hard. He found providing the sample 'to order' such an ordeal & although I was the one jabbing  having the side effects of the drugs it almost didn't happen for either IUI! Some blokes seem to manage fine but mine really struggled.

Plus DH has to deal with you whilst you are taking drugs or injections & the side effects for you can be hard and you do get stressed no doubt about it.

If you don't have any 'problems' diagnosed or haven't tried other forms of treatment (such as clomid) first & have time on your side I would say let time take it's course. Even fertile couples can take up to 2 years to conceive as an average.

Honestly this is only my opinion for what it's worth & based on what you've said. I really hope things work out for you both


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## JUNIOR (Dec 13, 2007)

Hi Ronstar, do give it some time and have a good look round this forum before you choose one single route.  I am fairly new here too and I have found the support and information available on this site fantastic, I am starting IUI in March 2008 for the first time and through this site I now know what to expect and that has taken the fear out of it.  DH has also got a lot of info from it, and he seems so much more at ease with it now.  GOOD LUCK to you


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## faraday (Dec 19, 2007)

Hi Ronstar I'm not sure if you & your husband are dealing with the same issues but  I know a couple with no diagnosed 'medical' (if you don't include psychological factors as medical) infertility issues but the dh suffered from depression causing very low libido & impotence. After 18 months of trying naturally (which put a huge strain on their relationship) they decided to move to IUI & conceived on their second (natural) cycle. Some consultants are more sympathetic than others towards fertility problems caused by psycho-sexual issues, I don't think it is regarded as a legitimate reason for treatment by everyone but my friends had a wonderfully kind doctor.

Infertility can really mess up your sex life  

Not sure if that helps at all!


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## saze1982 (Jan 30, 2007)

Hi Ronstar, sorry to hear that you are having problems conceiving   
No consultant will go ahead with a procedure like IUI private or not without you and your DP going through some tests to find out if there is something specific causing you not to concieve. They have to rule everything out so they can give you the drugs that will work for you during procedures such as IUI and IVF. I suggest that you approach your GP who can refer you to the hospital and carry out some initial blood tests.  Is your DP getting treatment for his depression?  Fertility treatment is a very stressful thing to go through and I wouldn't advise you to go rushing into this without DP seeking help for his treatment as you both need to be in the right frame of mind when entering into this process. 

sarah xx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Tonight is Newbie Night in the Chat room at 8pm
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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Ronstar welcome to Fertility Friends. 

I am sorry to hear your DH's is suffering from depression. It's a horrible thing to go through and, sadly, much misunderstood. I can't imagine the pressure of ttc can be helping much. 

When you say it is not happening, do you mean that you have been having BMS at the right time in your cycle but that you are not getting pregnant, or do you mean that you are not always timing BMS or not having much sex in general? If it is the former then you can probably expect your GP to want to run tests before referring you for any kind of treatment. If it is the latter then most GPs won't even refer you for tests until you have been actively trying for at least 12 months.

There's no real quick answer to getting your DH to "want" you when the time is right but, perhaps take his focus off it being for a baby as sex to order can be extremely stressful in its own right, as anyone on FF who has been there will tell you. It may be difficult to be spontaneous when he is perhaps not that interested but, with a little imagination, some experimentation and much effort, you might be able to find a way to push the right buttons. Once this is done, it's just a case of dragging him to bed whenever you can and not just at the "right" time. 

Is your DH having any treatment or counselling for his depression? If so then in time, things ought to get easier, however you should be aware of any drugs he might be taking as some are not recomended while ttc.

As the other ladies have said, any kind of fertility treatment, even just the tests involved, can be extremely stressful and not undertaken lightly. From my own experience (clomid, 6x IVF) I would not wish that stress upon anyone and, certainly not someone who has not been diagnosed with any fertlity issues (or as unexplained).

I have to be honest and say, if your DH is suffering depression now then the added stress of fetility treatment (and probably even the added stress of just ttc) will not be helpful to your situation. Even the added stress of becoming a new parent is, perhaps, not something to undertake lightly. I don't know how much time you have on your side (you don't say how old you are), or how long/short term DH's depression is likely to be, but if you are still young enough to wait then maybe you might consider seeing if and when DH's depression improves before going to your GP for tests.

When you have been a member a little while, and have made a few more posts, you will see an area of the boards open up to you. The Relationship, sex and BMS section is a great place to give and receive support about any number or personal issues, it's moderated by Amanda who is a trained counsellor and a very Wise Woman indeed! I am sure that you can get some great ideas to help your DH get back to his old self there.

I will leave you some links to explore that I hope will prove helpful:

*Meanings ~ *CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*IUI ~*CLICK HERE

*Girl & Boy talk - Community board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

C~x


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## Ronstar (Dec 30, 2007)

Hi All,
Thanks for all your comments I thought I would give a few more details - because I was very vague in my first post. My DH will probably always be on SSRI's because he suffers from OCD which means anxiety and depression. We are both in our mid thirties - so are aware of a time factor. He has had blood tests and all is well physically i.e. no diabetes or low testosterone - however, things have become difficult for him physically due to extremely high doses of SSRI's (serotonin re -uptake inhibitors).
Our GP is changing his meds but is happy to refer us for IUI as he feels that it is a valid option for us if DH meds continue to cause problems.
I hope this makes it clearer as to why I was posting. I have been feeling very low about all this and needed to let out how I was feeling somewhere.
Anyway Thanks again
Ronstar


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi again Ronstar,

What a great GP you have. I only wish they were all like that! At least you have made a start in the right direction and have the support of your GP. Hopefully you can get moving fairly quickly.

I can't imagine OCD to be very easy to live with. My uncle had a form of it (associated with schizophrenia in his case) and I know how frustrating he found everything. I hope that the new medication does make things easier for you; it would be lovely to think you could avoid intervention if you can and the new meds work, not to mention the obvious benefits to your realtionship.  It must be very hard to find anyone to talk to about your problems - it's not exactly the sort of subject that comes up every day in conversation. 
I don't know that we have a specific area on FF that deals with infertility via sexual dysfuction (chemical or physical) as it is not a particularly common issue (or, at least, not one people usually find easy to discuss, although you should check out what some of the guys and gals on here talk about...  ), however you might find something on the male factors area that could help you so I will leave a link. It might be worth doing a search with a few key words and see what the site throws up.
Also, please do make a few posts and get access to the Relationships board as I am sure you would benefit from the support from the FFers in that section and, if nothing else, you might find yourself amused at the Embarrasing Questions thread (have I piqued your interest enough?  ).

Here's a link to male factors:

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

Wishing you lots of luck. I hope that you and your DH can make the family you want together very soon. 

Don't be a stranger.

C~x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx[/center​


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## katiepops (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Ronstar!

Just wanted to say Hi and to let you know both you and your DP are not alone!  There are millions of fouples throughout the world that are in the same situation as you.  You have taken the biggest step by talking about it and deciding that you need to make that step by visiting your GP.  It's what happened to us in Dec 05.  We were trying for 4 years and am now 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant after conceiving on our 2nd attempt at IUI.  There was no realproblem with us apart from DH had a lowish count but IUI is perfect for that.

Obviously, when you find the clinic which is right for you you will have all the tests and see what's wrong first.  IUI is quite cheap and very effective and there is an IUI Girls TTC thred on here which I found amazing.  Let people know where you are based on here and people will recommend a clinic.

Hope everything works out for you both, try not to be resentful as you will have your dream come true soon.

Love Katie xx


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