# Do i want another baby?



## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Ok.... its a long one (apologies)

So i have the most beautiful 17 week old son. It took us 4 attempts, 2 miscarriages, 3 lost babies and him been 6 weeks prem to get him. I have always dreamed of having the 2.4 family, possibly even 3. But when i realised that fertility was going to be an issue for me (and keeping and growing a baby) 1 was going to have to be enough.... which im very grateful for.
All the way through my pregnancy, i would wind OH up about having another baby, we discussed it and sort of agreed to be thankful for him and leave it there. Then, i had baby prematurely, he was in special care for 2 weeks and then when he came home, came the struggle with reflux. Its been tough going. With OH pushing 52, he was VERY adement that we would not be trying for another one despite paying to have his sperm frozen for another year.

Yesterday, i was in my mums garden, reminising about my pregnancy and birth, like i do daily. Thinking about if i ever did have another baby, i hoped to enjoy my pregnancy more than i did with this one as i miss been pregnant so much. The words 'I want another baby' came into my head. Anyway, i soon got distracted and forgot all about it.

I arrived home and OH took out son from his carseat and he turned to me and said 'you will never take him away from me will you?' OH is a sensitive soul (a little too sensitive). 
The reason why he is asking me this is because he is going  through a stressful time which his mother has not helped. His mother hasnt been right for months now and she finally had a MRI scan. OH called her on friday (a week yesterday) to ask the results and she told him flatly that she did not want to discuss them as she was going on holiday the next day and she would talk about it on her return' obviously this sent all sorts of ideas around OH's head. He was now concerned. But, he was dealing with it quite well until wednesday when he got a voicemail from his mum telling him to go to see them saturday (today) as they needed to talk to him. He called her straight away and asked what it was about but again, she wouldnt say. When he asked if it was something bad, she replied 'i will talk about it when i see you'. Now to me, this is so unfair, my OH is a HGV driver who works night shift. The stress this will put on him especially whilst out on the road could cost lives.
We are both thinking she is going to announce a terrible illness or something. Im dreading it.

Anyway, this has caused OH to get very sensitive. He isnt sleeping, barely eating, getting upset.
He was playing with our son and i overheard him whisper into his ear 'How would you like a brother or sister'
I asked him to repeat what he said but he wouldnt. I had already heard what he had said. So i asked him if he wanted another baby. He told me he wasnt sure. That he has enjoyed it so much with our son that he is wondering if he wanted another.

You would have thought that hearing that would be like music to my ears..... not quite. Im now questioning (in less than 7 hours since thinking i wanted another) that maybe it isnt what i want.
I mean, i would love another baby. I would love to be pregnant again, to give birth. My son has 2 brothers already but id like to give him a younger sibling. I really really would....

But....
With all that i have been through to get my son (as listed at the begining plus OHSS) is it fair to put my son through that. Its not just me anymore, i have to put him 1st. 
Motherhood hasnt been as easy as i thought it would be. I blame alot of that on his reflux though. There were times, between weeks 6-11 that i felt very low and thought i wasnt cut out to be a mother and every decision i was making were wrong and causing my son more upset.
Im not great at lack of sleep (who is) but luckily, OH is very supportive with that.
Then there is money, if i was to do another cycle, it would be egg sharing again. But we would have to be firm and say 1 cycle, if it works, great.... if not... we would have to stop!

I would want to do it before going back to work. Would i be able to continue working with 2 children? 
There just seems to be loads of hurdles for us to have another child but my heart really wants it... but my head is saying no.
I fear OH is only saying this with what is going on with his mother. I knew there would be a point where he got broody again, but not this quick.

Im not sure what i want from this post. Maybe advice, or stories on having another.... was it more difficult tha  expected or easier....
Or your opinion on what i should do x


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi hope84, 
i have followed your diary for months. congratulations on your LB, sorry its been a tough road getting there and after. 
I have 3 boys. 19,7 & 5. I am disabled and cant work.
so i cant advise on the working/caring for child/ren. 
i also have had a lot of issues getting wjere i am now. initially (eldest son is mine btw) my current husband and i had low sperm count, low motility, high morphology and clumping. i was fine originally. we had our dirst round of icsi and produced a LB. loads of more rounds usually ending in mc. my second round of icsi ended in mc but 6 wks after found out i was pregnant with number 3. FETs have ended in mc as have Donor embryo treatments. as i am older now, my eggs are fried as well. 
when my middle son celebrated his 2nd bday i found out i was pg with third (naturally ?) when 3 rd was born, 2nd was 2.9 yrs old. it is quite tough being all thise different hats to different babies. A (2nd son) wanted my attention and J (3rd) needed me to be breastfeeding all the time. however that last for about 12-18 months and rhen in some ways it gets easier and in others harder. i dont know what the answer is for you. it doesnt help when i suspext A is on the spectrum. 
however, it hasnt stopped me pursuing further dreams of xhildren as 8 mcs can testify. i am due to have a laparoscopy to see if i have endo and then i need a thryoid specialist to really work my throids yests. this are all box ticking exercises to try and find out why i keep mcing as i would deaely love another. 
from where im standing, i dont think its a bad idea trying for another. if thats what you both want. if you ise egg share, (or not) it could tqke a while to be successfyl and hopefully then the age gap would be greater. or it may work straightawy. who knows. 
i would set out conditions like we will go through 3 more rounds and then were done. Although this has never worked for me 😊. but whatever works for you. 
both my babies had very bad wind. wirh A it didnt know what it was and it took wks to work it out. he was on infacol for nearly 9 months. with J i recognised they symptoms immediately and from 3 days old he was on infacol right up until he was 18 months. even with breastmilk. so i found him to be an easier baby than A. 
i learnt a lot from my 7 yr old that i passed on to J. i found it easiwr with my youngest. 
only you know how far youre willing to go on this Ivf Rollercoaster and i wish you well wirh the decision you make.together. 
i hope OH's mum will be ok amd hope OH will be ok. 
good luck with decision making and i hope ive maybe helped in some small way. the liklihood is that i havent though
hugs to you, its a hard situatiin to be in. 
jade xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

congratulations on your new baby hope. you are at a stage where probably the first baby clothes are being outgrown and everything makes you wonder, plus every landmark or milestone makes you wonder if you will do it again. i'm struggling after a failed fet wondering if i can bear to go back for the teeny chance in the last two frosties so i understand your dilemma. but trying doesn't guarantee you a baby. if you try at least you'll know later you gave it a shot. take some time to decide. i hope MIL is ok.


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Im glad you enjoyed my diary. I miss it loads!! I really wanted to do a parenting diary but there is no opportunity on here.

Thanks for the advice and a little insight on how it could be. My heart says go for it but i worry may struggle. A few friends of mine have just had their 2nd babies and 1 of them find it tough. He 1st is 3.5 years and very clingy. Her newborn is 4 weeks and is constantly on the boob so that is challenging for her.

I worry that in years to come, i will regret it. Id rather regret something ive done, rather than something i havent. But its like you said Goldbunny, i would have to put a limit on how many cycles we did... actually, i have already... it would just be one.

Im sorry for you recent BFN... i have been following your 2ww and going into your 'recent posts' to see your updates.

X


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Just a little update...

MIL has comfirmed she has Bowel Cancer. We are not sure on what stage or treatment yet. 

OH hs come home and has said he is 100% sure he wants another baby. So it looks like we will be trying for number 2 soon!!

Eeeeek! I must be mad!

X


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

Hi Hope

I am sorry about your MIL, hopefully she will make a good recovery from this.

We will also be thinking about number 2 by the end of the year, i will be 40 in Jan and want to make sure I am up to it so would rather crack on whilst I am still in reasonable fitness. Its a tough choice as i wonder if I have enough love in my heart for another baby as I love my LO so much but I really don't want her to be an only child so we will go back for our 3 frosties soon, I just hope I'm not being greedy by wanting another one after the heartache of trying to have Lola. 

Good luck x


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Hi arty

Ive been following you since i joined FF. Im so glad you finally got your little bundle.

Im still doubting our decision. Im doubting whether i will cope with 2 (if im lucky enough to stay pregnant again, IF i get a BFP) 
I also doubt OH. This has all come about this week whilst waiting for his mums MRI results and im not sure if he has thought it through. Im questioning the money side of things, if its fair on my little man or whether im be greedy and not counting my blessings with my son. I would just love him to have a sibling. 

X


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

Thanks Hope, likewise  

This is why we will review things at the end of the year as we may change our minds or our situation may change financially you just dont know do you? DH is also halfway through a degree and at times I have felt like a single Mum doing all of the night feeds and I would have to feel happy doing that again (if i was lucky enough) so yes its not a decision to make lightly so for now we shall just enjoy our precious girl and I am more than happy with that x


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

My OH is extremely supportive. I could not of dreamt of a better father. But, he works night shift so from 6pm, im ony own... not to mention all day when he is sleepig. We het to see him for about 2-3 hours a day.

I am going to go along with it for now... see how the little one gets on. He is getting quite clingy to get to sleep through the day and night so im currently on the stairs  waiting for him to get himself off to sleep (im trying to get him to self soothe) and all i can hear is him sucking his hands.... so cute!!!

X


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