# 45 - Should I give up on my own eggs and go down the DE route?



## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear All

Struggling to decide if I should go down the donor egg route. I DS at 40 and then 4 m/c, last m/c due to chromosome abnormality, now 45. Diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome but otherwise everything OK last FSH, 18 months, ago 8.3. Looked at all the stats for IVF for my age group and realise success rate v.low (0.8%). Think I have decided to go down DE route and then read FF and inspirational stories and think maybe should try IUI or IVF for peace of mind. Consultant counsellors etc advising IVF ED.

I have been researching ED and thought I had made up my mind but seem unable to take the plunge and wondered if anyone knows of any other tests that may give me an indication of likely success rates with IVF or can offer any experiences or pearls of wisdom.


Carolmac  
xx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Carolmac

I would love to keep in touch with you and see what you decided. I am 45 also, had a m/c from catching naturally at 43 in Oct 06, then tried 3 rounds of IVF, I thought best because of our ages (DH 47 now though doesnt look it and is fit as a fiddle).  All our IVF tests were ok, obviously my FSH was more or less at the top of 12, not had it tested recently.  It did my last FET in Aug and it failed.  I have done loads of research on donor embryos abroad and spoken to people  on the phone about it etc.  They believe its my age against me, as your eggs are as old as you.

I now have a potential UK donor who is 23 and definitely considering that route, although I read some stuff on another board I go on whereby it was a bit cheaper in a few other countries, Denmark was one.  I also have a friend who has done ED at IM Barcelona, she has 5 month old twins. I spoke to her 2 days ago and it really helped me out.  It was pretty expensive there though.  She did tell me that the doctors there said if they donor is in their early 20's and there is nothing wrong with you, then you have a 70% success rate.  So that made me more positive as its such a difficult decision.
My donor is really keen to help me and its good about her age, alot of UK donors are over 30 which decreases chances, but by all means is still very much higher than your own eggs.

the way I look at it is that it would be half yours biologically and when I have spoken to people who have done donor eggs or embryos they have told me it makes no difference if they are not yours biologically when you are carrying them.  One of them expects her twins next thurs (embryos) and has been an inspiration to me as she has been on tv alot talking about it!!!

Right regarding tests - there is the chicago tests that you can have and I am surprised they havent suggested this as they are for women who have had recurrent misscarriages more than anything.  They do them at the ARGC London and Nottingham Care (you have to transfer for treatment here dont know about London, I have a friend who had them and she now has a little boy and had been trying for 7 years - in her twenties though).  I have just found out though that there is a clinic in B'ham, not far from me who does them.  I have information and am going to call them on Monday so will let you know.  The tests check for immune problems,w hich can often happen - there have been articles about it this week, I may still have it so will forward if it is in my email box still.  It was also discussed on This Morning by the doctor, pregnsyl is the new drug to stop this which you take for 3 months.  Worth asking at your clinic it may well help you out.

So I am rambling, but being the same age as you  I so want to help.  At the end of the day it is down to you, I had to go for my FET in Aug as I would always have wondered what if!  However I look back now and wish I had not done the 3rd full IVF round to get more eggs, as I didnt, and just done the FET then, I would have been £3K richer too and could've done egg donation or whatever straight away.

My DH is more for going straight to embryos, but I think he should get his sperm re-tested - his count was fine last time it was done - and then see, especially as I have a UK donor about to undergo the tests in a couple of weeks and who is in contact with my clinic about it all, as well as me.  YOu do have to have counselling sessions, whereas abroad they dont do that, which appeals to me, but I will wait to see what they say when they ring me Monday.

I really have rattled on and probably confused you even more, do let me know what you decide and if you want to send me  a PM to talk more that would be fabulous!!!!!  WE oldies should stick together eh!

 
Kathy xxxx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Carolmac & Kathy

Ive read your posts with interest.

My view is changing constantly as I read other peoples stories,  it is very confusing as no-one really wants to face your own infertility , we'd all prefer to pass on our own genes....but I do know some times the time does come when you have to face the fact your eggs are just too old.  Im 43 and I thought I was ready to choose ED abroad...but reading the posts on this site has made me think I will try one more time with my own eggs, but after that Im not prepared to mess about- Im will go straight to ED... I dont want the stress of failure, and the rollercoaster of emotions that you go through with each failed cycle with your own eggs-  
My DH has no children of his own, and I cant wait to see the happiness on his face when he sees a baby of his own--- it doesnt matter if the genes arent mine--- the flesh & blood will  be mine, and the happiness will be ours......

Heres hoping  

Karenx


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## Springs (Mar 22, 2006)

Hi Ladies,

hope you don't mind me putting my 2 pennorth in...

I have had 6 fresh goes with my own eggs, the last one in June this year getting 2 blastos but still BFN. Also 3 FETs, only the first had a result but was ectopic (2 years ago). Started at 39, now looking 42 in the face (this week!  )
Finally took up my delayed booking for DE overseas...just got my first BFP ever since my ectopic.

We felt we had to be really sure that we tried our best with my own eggs, but that number could vary from one go to as many as you need, and basically the consultants were asking "what is your ultimate goal?" - ours was to have a healthy baby, so we did donor eggs. But time is on your side with DE, so there is less rush than trying with own. 

Good luck with your decisions...  

Springs


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Karen and Lily

Carolmac and I are still in conversation about it all via private email, so interesting to read other peoples thoughts and stories isnt it.

Karen - I do hope that your last try proves to be a BFP for you and that you dont have to go to DE, but as you say if you do it is easier than being on that rollercoaster and I am glad I have made that decision, although it is hard.  If my UK donor tests dont go ok or my DH's then it will be abroad for me and donor embryos not eggs, so yet another decision.  At the end of the day though as long as you give birth and you love them they are your own and will love you just as much!!!!   I am with you I cant wait to see my DH's face, fingers crossed and all being well, when he sees our baby.  I am the one with no children, he has them but hasnt seen one since she was 4 and the other lives away from home (thank goodness - long story), so it is really sad in my books for him especially when he brought the later up on his own!

Springs - I am so glad that you got that wonderful little miracle and I think you made the right decision about choosing what the ultimate goal was and the route to take - its a hard one I know that all too well.  I hope that I can get my little miracle BFP too like you!!! Let me know how things are going with you wont you - unless your little one is already here?

You are right time is on karens side, not on mine I feel though as Im 45 and really dont want to consider full rounds of IVF again, they just dont seem to work for me, but I am sure Carolmac and Karen will get their BFPs one way or the other.

Good luck all!!!
kathy xxxx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hello Ladies!
Right!... Changed my mind AGAIN!!!__ ---Ive made a decision, and now ive booked an initial appointment at the AVA Peter Clininc in Russia ( St Petersburg) for DE treatment 
We go for our first appointment on 24th November,( flight & accommodation booked!) and then we will be tested, screened and matched with a donor. The DE treatment costs 5500 Euros, then on top we have flights and accommodation, but there is no waiting list and they claim to have.....'beautiful, intelligent & educated donors'...we have read alot of good reporst about this clininc on here, so thats where we're going 
Im happy now Ive made the decision as I am pretty confident we will get a positive first or 2nd time...
What have you decided?

Karenx


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

High Karen, Springs and Kathy

Sorry haven't replied sooner, been mad busy. Thought I would give a brief update on my situation. I am now on the waiting list for DE at Reprofit in Czechoslovakia and CERAM in Spain. Also  very impressed with the consultant Penny, at SERUM in Athens who actually phoned me at home for a chat. They have no waiting list, good success rates and get a really good write up on the international boards. So think they will be my first port of call. Also considering CARE in Sheffield. Anyway not one to sit on my laurels and in the meantime have brow beaten my consultant into undertaking a number of additional tests to determine ovarian reserve and quality. Did this in the hope that I would be able to move on in the knowledge that trying with my own eggs a no hoper. Anyway, results that are back are good my FSH is now 7.3 but waiting for inhibin B and AMH to make a final decision. Also had 3 day follicle test and 4 present. Consultant said that if all results are good he would give me some mild stimulating shots. 

In one way results are encouraging but don't help me move on to ED. Anyway trying to chill about it all, will try naturally until one of the ED appointments come up. Also trying to not miss what is under my nose and have been out all day with my little boy in the woods and playing football. 

Will follow your stories and wish you lots of luck.

Kathy - how you doing?

Karen - Let me know how the ED goes would like to hear your feedback re the clinic?

Springs - Which clinic did you have the ED with and how are things progressing.

Carolmac


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Carolmac

Its such a difficult thing to move on to DE.

I made the decision knowing in my heart I didnt really want to face it.....but my head says its the most sensible option  

Its the sense of loss you feel about your own fertility.

By taking the DE route, you have closed the door on having your own genes passed on and its something you do have to come to terms with. I have had many tears 
I have felt loss and confusion, but now I have made the appointment, I have moved on and I am even looking forward to it.
I will have moved from less than 5% chance of BFP to 60-70% of BFP so that is a big positive 

i also had to deal with family issues which have been very challenging!- My 18year old daughter offered to donate her eggs to us...its was a wonderful gesture...and we had tears when we talked  it was all very emotional. In the end I decided not to go ahead, as it was a strange situation, after all it would technically be my own grandchild!. I decided I couldnt accept her offer, as I felt too manipulative accepting her eggs, I know she would not like the IVF treatment and I worried about the effect on her own fertility....... My younger sister who has just had a baby 2 years ago,then said she would donate and I was over the moon...she then changed her mind and I felt very sad and couldnt stop crying  especially as it would have been wonderful to have a genetic link.......
so the DE route abroad is a positive move for us all round, and give me hope that the emotional rollercoaster has a good chance of calming down! 

I hope you feel good about you decision, I think once you have been to the first appointment abroad you'll feel much more certain.

Let me know how you get on! 

Karen x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Everyone

Gosh there seems to be so much going on with everyone.  Apologies I have been away, but so busy with the new job and been doing some filming and recording with my choir for a musical.  However I thought it was about time I came on to read all your updates!!!!

Lily = so you're off to Alicante and jointly with Wessex, no not been down that route, but Wessex is a bit far away from me I suppose.  It is a brave decision for you to make and I think a wise one, time does run out for us all and I am like you I dont want to leave it much longer, even though only in my new job for a month!  Let me know how you get on there wont you, it would be good to hear, as I havent spoken to anyone who has gone to Alicante, only Barcelona.

Oh my god Karen, I think I would have been in floods of tears too if I had a daughter who wanted it so badly for me they offered to give me some eggs.  But I have to say being so close a relative wouldnt be a good option as it would be your grandchild.  I had a very close friend who offered and now I am glad that I am not going down that route as I am sure it would've been fine, but its difficult with somebody so close.  I think its wonderful your sister offered too and I know it was hard that she changed her mind, but again very close family and I know its been done, but in the long run you will probably look back and think she did the right thing.  My DH was a bit against using his sperm actually, but now ok about it, it was because he said that way it would not be genetically either of us e.g. we would've done donor embyros, I think because of the dreaded stepdaugher bit I in herited, and that I couldnt stand it looking like her about a year ago, but now it doesnt bother me.  You will ge there in the end and wherever you go abroad I am sure it will all be worth it in the end when you hold your little miracle(s!!!)  But now you are off to Russia  and made that decision, well done you, you will feel so much better when it is all done and dusted and you have your result"!

Carolmac - well you are on the waiting list for two different places, or one at least and no waiting list in Greece, which is good news. I cannot blame you for continuing to try naturally as your results are very good, hopefully that little bit of extra stimulation may work for you, I so hope so. On a good news bit a friend of mine is back from Reprofit and it pg!!!!  So pleased for her as she tried in Barcelona and failed first time round. I dont think it was the clinic just didnt work, but she reckoned a change would be good and Reprofit was so much cheaper, not that you can put a price on a little one can you.  She had 3 put back so will see how many have stuck with her at her 8 week scan! So one of the clinics you have looked at has worked for somebody!

Springs how are you doing

As for me ladies, well DH has been re-tested recently and my donor has had all tests done, two have come back ok already, waiting to hear on others.  I am still so stressing over whether or not to have NK cells tests, so expensive, may try my doctor to see if they can help, as not used since I moved here.  Probably not but worth asking.  If  I do it I dont have the money for the donor bit, but I may kick myself if there is something wrong with me or DH - which could have saved us alot of heartache before now and money!!!! What to do - anybody got any thoughts on this, or should I just go for it, but what if I waste money, oh god so dont know what to do.  If donor tests ok then it will hopefully go ahead in Jan 09.  Got a provisional appointment 26/11 with donor and partner and DH, just waiting for confirmation from them. My donor is 23 and i have known her for around 2 years, she's even delaying egg share she she also wants to do, to Easter so she can help me out!!!!


Please all keep me posted on what you are doing, its so good to hear from people around my own again, who are all trying different things and making that epic journey to becoming a mother whichever way they can!

love and hugs to you all
Kathy xxxxx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

I was very unsure about DE, its very difficult to accept if you have always hoped for your own children. But it is the most sensible option when you are TTC over 40.- 
Put it this way, if you were placing a bet, the odds are 95% against you winning at the age of 43.......less if you are older....would you place a bet of £3300 with those odds.... probably not....but we have all done it...all hoping....and there are those that 'win' and get BFP which is so lovely and inspiring...but the reality is...the odds are stacked against you succeeding...so to improve the odds by accepting De treatment, you up your odds from less than 5% to more than 65% maybe more.......so thats why I have chosen the DE route. 
If money were no option,or the treatment was free... I would probably try a little more with my own eggs.....the sad fact is not many people can afford to keep losing all that money , and anyway a little baby that you have created with your own body is very much your own, research in this area has shown that DE babys imprint from the mother who carries them, and pick up mannerisms and likes/dislikes of the mother...so genetics arent everything!
I hope you feel better about it, I know its such a strange thing to come to terms with 

Karen x


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

Its a very personal choice. From my personal perspective I wished I had tried it earlier and not persisted for so long with my own eggs as it may have enabled me to have a second child, however that too was always going to be as difficult as my first.

I tried to conceive for many years both naturally, through IUI, IVF, and DIVF. I conceived on my first DEIVF but this did not proceed having been identified as a chemical pregnancy. In 2003  I made the decision that we needed to get on with it if we were to have a child. I felt a lot of pain and resentment at first but gradually realised with counselling that families take all shapes and forms these days and that above all I wanted to become the best mother to a child, girl or boy.  Its really all about changing your parenting paradigm. After that it was easy.  The journey continued and in October 06 I discovered I was pregnant. With triplets actually, enough to make the eSet campaigners wring their hands, however this eventually transpired into a singleton pregnancy, and a very enjoyable and healthy one at that. During the pregnancy all I felt was love and protection for my child. I did wonder who he/she was, what they would be like, etc. There are undoubtedly many more unknowns in a donor pregnancy and I have to say that some things did cause anxiety. My main concern was the child would not look so radically different from me so to highlight our lack of genetic attachment. The next concern was intelligence. I was really hoping that the child would be bright. There were however no guarantees of anything.  Our child however is and was everything we could ever wish for. She is bright, healthy and good looking with a wonderful sense of humour. The strangest thing is that everyone said how much she looked like me at birth and how much she now resembles photos of my own mother when she was a child.  I loved her instantly. I was concerned at how I would feel when presented with her but it was as if we had known each other all along. I could not have loved her more if she was my own genetic child. I would probably have been looking for signs of relatives and family traits in her which may not have been healthy. At least with DE you have no identifiable baggage- thats one good thing.

I would caution against the view that DE gives you more time. It can do, but many people who try DE still struggle to conceive and carry a child, much in the same way as in 'ordinary' IVF cycles for a range of reasons including pure chance. It took me until my 5th fresh cycle ( plus one frozen and one frozen which was abandoned as my frosties did not survive) to carry a baby to full term. This took almost 3 years of constant tx. There are many  on the abroadies threads who have taken longer.  That being said, I have a friend who conceived on her first cycle and her second. 

I gave birth to my darling girl in June 07. I tried again a few months ago with my frosties and was heartbroken that this did not work at all. However I have now come to accept the situation and feel so absolutely lucky and blessed to have such a darling little girl after so many years of trying in the face of continuous defeat. The fact that she is donor conceived has never been an issue.  It is not relevant at all to our lives at the moment. The fact is that I was instrumental in her conception, and I carried and gave birth to her, and I bring her up the best I can. I would otherwise would never have met her and that would have been a real loss. She is my daughter and I am her mother. Thats it, really.  I did grieve for a while for something I could never have however this is truly not what I think about at all these days. There is simply no time for regrets. And I do not regret not being able to have my own genetic child. The biggest regret would have been not to have tried in the first place.

Epigenetic research does apparently reveal that the birth mother plays an important role in influencing how a baby's genes develop; therefore I/we are not totally redundant in the process. For me this was never important but its good to know.

I hope that you can make the decision and the leap to DE as I am sure that you will find only happiness and contentment if you are successful, and I truly hope that you are.  Personally I would not want any other woman to miss out on such happiness.

roze


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Dear Roze

your post was written with lovely, thought, compassion and insight, it was very moving and helpful to me- thank you! 

I am crossing everything in the hope my DE treatment will be successful  


Thank you! 

Karen x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Dear All

Its easier to write to you all than individually isnt it!!!  I think that email Roze is an inspiration and something that we will all take on board on this thread, especially those of us who are talking to each other about the situation all the time. I have found it inspirational to say the least and makes me think even more that I am doing the right thing.  I suppose I struggle a bit that I know what my donor looks like and keep thinking well if I am lucky and it works it will look like my hubby and her, but I think reading your message about us shaping the genes makes me think otherwise, and heck does it matter if I have that little miracle I want.

My one dread is that it wont work, as it seems to have taken you a while Roze, but then I dont know your circumstances.  My donor really wants me to do the NK cells test even though it will wipe my savings, but because I keep thinking about it and whether or not I have a problem and it bugs me, I do have to say I think I should.  What does anybody else think?  I thought I would try going to my doctor to see if by any slim chance they would pay for it.  My donor seems to get so much from her doctor it is untrue, he has agreed to pay for her drugs, all her tests etc etc etc and keeps offering to do more if she needs it.  How good it that.

I am so confused at the moment over it all, but at the end of the day all I want is that little one, and I dont want to have to wait another year to do it, not sure how I would feel if it failed, having been through it all before.  I too keep hoping I will conceive naturally again, but I think its highly unlikely and if I did my eggs arent any good at my age, so the DE is right for me and I have the most fantastic donor I have to say!!!!!!

Gosh I am rambling on and on yet again, but I have more hope now than I did before and I think if we just keep each other going, whether we conceive naturally or on the DE route, that is the most important thing isnt it.  I know that I will stick to this thread and always be there for you all and no that I will get the support back.

Roll on 2009 and my shot at having my own little person again and that my test results show nothing. (oh on that note somebody has given me a link to the Beer Clinics site so I am off now to do the on-line test to see if I need to do it!!)

lots of love and hugs everyone and keep trying, please dont give up
Kathy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Springs (Mar 22, 2006)

Hello again Ladies,

sorry I haven't been on for a while as I'll explain later, but having just caught up with all the posts I do want to add my thanks to *Roze* for a lovely post. Loved your context of thinking of it as placing bets, *Karen*, made me laugh. 
Hope you have decided about the NK test *Kathy*, I know what you mean about wondering later, as my clinic wasn't that keen on all the tests and tended to dismiss them (because we had managed 2 pregnancies they took the view that all was okay), so we never really had very many. But what if?? 

Well, sorry if I implied DE was always going to work, I know it doesn't always and I know a lot of lovely ladies have had a difficult route to success, and some have never achieved it. We decided we would have to give it at least 3 goes before we had another think. My pregnancy only lasted a week before they diagnosed it as being not viable because my HCG levels weren't rising, and that is still being sorted out. I think it was due to my very thin lining. However, given the choice of next trying with own egg frosties or DE frosties, I must admit I want to do DE as I think they will give me higher chance of success, and having been so close this time, I would like to have the best chance next time. We will use mine, but not just yet...except we have to pay for them...so it is quite difficult. 
Hoping decisions become clearer with time for all of us, and wishing you all the strength to stay positive.

Springs


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Lirac

Glad to see you have decided what to do, its so hard to sit there and things keep on going round in your head, and the old sentence - what shall I do - goes on and on.  I felt he same when I had to decided about my last FET and then should I do donor eggs or embryo.

It seems that you and I could be doing transfer around the same time if all my appointments go ok and my donors tests are all fine.  Hopefully end Jan.  So it will be good to have a buddy alongside me.

Good luck and let me know how things are going wont you!

Hi to everyone else on this thread - we seem to have formed a little community which is lovely

Kathy xxxxxx


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## WildLife (Jan 2, 2006)

Hello

Can I ask - do you know whether, with a DE you are still the mother on the birth certificate?

Ta


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hello
I'm new to this thread so hope you don't mind me gate crashing. We too are trying to come to terms with DE but all your posts are really helping/

Thank you 

Pinkflowers


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

wrin to answer your question as the birth mother you go on the aby's birth cert and many egg donors are anonymous (I am in Spain and they are anonymous, non traceable as are many abroad)- there is a contenious discussion (? in parliament) that children born with the help of DE or DS should have this put on their birth certs but it isn't law yet!!!

I went to Spain o the day of my Spanish donor's EC (a friend is my known sperm donor so he was there ready to fertilise them) but my lining was a problem and there was a ?cyst on their scans not picked up by ARGC who were doing my monitoring here, so they transfer was abandoned and I need to have hysteroscopy and get it sorted before I can got an get the eggs, but they took about 30 mls of my blood in preparation to culture the embryos in before ET.
L x

L x


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Pinkflowers & Lirac

DE is such a difficult thing to come to terms with....because you are giving up on the chance of passing on your own genes....its seems sad but happy- negative but positive so your emotions are very confused.. I do think men think about it in a much more practical way, whilst us women have to think about our feelings,and discuss it then think and discuss some more!!......
I do think once you have come to terms with it...you do think much more positively.....
I am going to Russia for my first appointment on 24th November......I am very nervous...I dont know why...just 'the unknown' I suppose......

and yes you are the mother on the birth certificate....no one in the Uk need even know you have had DE treatment if you go abroad, although in my case- Ive told everyone already!! 

Karenx


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi there Ladies,

I am new to thread and just read what Roze said about going down the DE route, her words were very inspiring. I am very inspired by you all - very encouraging info on your thoughts.  A couple months ago me and DH decided to have IVF treatment using DE aboard, South Africa.  We just could not face another round of IVF after many years of trying - 12 years in fact. DE route was not an easy decision to make  but after speaking to several professionals and seeing my DH desire to be a dad it made sense. But I was also I had to work to the reality of my age and the quality of my eggs.  

I have a read a book which I would recommend called ' Having your baby through Egg Donation by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer, it worth a read for those of you considering DE route.

Kathy - it might be worth putting your mind at ease and having the test done, I persuaded my GP to give me the test for free.

Good luck everyone.

Lynn E


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Lynn and everybody else, we do seem to be growing in numbers on this thread dont we - but thats great, lots of support for each other!!! 

Karen good luck for  your appointment in Russia, I am sure all will be well, my friend is Russian and she says that over there the clinics are fab, so you will be fine!

Lynn I will have a look for that book, I feel a google search coming on, as I think it may well help us all on here!  thanks for your advice on the tests. I have to ring my doctors on Thurs when they release the appointments for Fri.  I am going to see a lady doctor, which I think may give me more brownie points.  Plus if, and knowing me it will happen, I blurt my eyes out about failures then perhaps I can get the tests done for free.  After all its only blood tests isnt it, but then there is the biopsy as well.  See what she says.  

Just to let you all know my donor and I have the appointment on 26th Nov at Dr Kays clinic at the CRM, Cov.  They are not against the tests at all which is good news and are happy for me to go for them elsewhere if needs be.  I think it would be a good move, as long as I dont have to pay.  AFter all I have had one natural m/c and then 4 failed implantations so I feel I should count.  At liverpool I dont qualify for the trials, its the same old story - over 40!!!! Makes me so mad it really does.

DivaB you are right it is such a blessing to have FF and people on here in the same predicament.

Keep posting all my lovely new friends and let me know how you are all doing.

Kathy xxxxxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Well folks here is my update to all my over 40 mateys!!!!

I rang Liverpool again today about the tests and it costs £480 - so I am going to go for it and see what happens.  It will put my mind at rest and if there is something wrong, yes I may need to pay more but they have been so nice and much cheaper than London.  They dont take money from people what little they do charge they give back to the hospital so thats fine by me.

So its off to get an OV testing kit when I shop, then I have to ring on my first day or surge and book an appt to go within 7 days for the test.  Dr Quenby was lovely.

So if nothing wrong I can afford this bit and then move forwards to donor bit.  Today is the usual days before AF, boobs sore and under armpits, what a nightmare eh to remind us we arent pg.  I seem to have had similar symptoms to pg the last 3 months and wonder if I am still having chemical m/c's?

I have booked to see the gp on mon at 8.30 am, hopefully they will give in and pay for me, beings as I havent been to them since I moved here!

Keep me posted ladies on progress

take care and have a good weekend!!!

lots of love to my new found friends
Kathy xxx


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear All

Sorry that it takes me so long to post but have had lots going on. 

I am following everyones progress with interest and great to see so many new people contributing to the discussion. 

Roze and Karen your messages were moving and reassuring. The counsellor myself and DH talked to has been working with people doing DEIVF for 10 years and said that their experiences had been extremely positive. 

Kathy - So glad things are progressing for you. I think you did the right thing with the tests, I know you were concerned and I think this will put your mind at rest.

I have had the rest of my results back and they were good. Consultant said that he was pleasantly surprised as he would have associated  with someone 6/8 years younger. He did caveat that by saying the overriding factor was still age and given that I am 45 he still recommended DE. That said he agreed to do 1 iui cycle this month as I have never had any previous fertility treatment. I am very keen to move on and almost approaching this as something I need to do for closure before pursuing DE. Will let you know my feedback re clinics if I do go down the DE route.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Love

Carolmac


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## Maria C (Sep 6, 2004)

Hi - I hope you don't mind me crashing in on this discussion but I just wanted to put my two penny worth in about DE.  I was devastated when I realised I would never see my own 'genetic' child its true and it was only because we had already had 7 IVF's I was 41, my husband younger.  It used to break my heart to look at this man's face every time it failed, he was desparate to have his own children and was in my mind trapped with this useless specimen of a wife that couldn't give him the one thing he wanted.  Ofcourse I also wanted a child dearly but was really beginning to give up - there just comes a point!.  My new Dr had tried one last time with my eggs and looked so sad when he asked 'what is it you really want Maria - why do you think that a DE child would not be yours - without you it would just be a cell so that's nonsense' he was so clever!. Finally, at 41 years old I agreed and I can't tell you how happy I am now.  We have a baby daughter who's 3 months old - she looks just like her father.  I still have my moments of complete fear that she may reject me one day because 'you're not my real mother' story but it comes from such an intense place of love if that makes sense.  For all who are still not sure it's a personal journey I know and even though sleep is now a distant memory for me as I plunge through nappies, tears & joy I would never not for one single moment be without her - finally I understand what mum's meant when they said that they suddenly felt complete and if some kind young lady made this happen for me then I'm so grateful. BTW, I had my DE in SA - I'm English & my DH is SA.  

Lynne E - if you need any help with the SA thing I'm happy to help - mine was in Joburg altho I now live in CT 

Thank you for listening & I wish everyone all the best of luck in whatever you may decide - it's a personal thing for sure.

Love & hugs and ofcourse masses of luck x.
Maria.


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi ladies, 
What a lovely ending to your journey, I'm off to SA next week, can't believe how quick the months have gone. 

Lynn E


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Well what a wonderful story to hear Marie and I do hope that one day next year I will be feeling exactly the same as yourself.  I am sure your daughter will never reject you for not being her biological mother, they pick up your mannerisms as they grow up and I am sure she will do that with yours.  She also looks like your lovely DH, so thats another brownie point.  It nearly made me cry when I read your words of wisdom, information and advice and to hear how happy you are. 

Good luck in SA Lynn, I hope it all goes well for you!!!!

lots of love to you all, keep posting all!

Kathy


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Will keep you all posted with regard to my trip.

Lynn E


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## dillydaydream (Nov 7, 2008)

Maria, it was lovely to hear your story. It is a big question whether it would make a difference to have a child that didn't have our genes - but then again I suppose there would be nothing to compare with. I think that about my partner too, it would be good enough to look for similarities with him. Of course, we won't know for sure how it affects the children until some of them have grown up and can tell their story, but I'm sure it will depend on their experience more than their origins, if you c what I mean. Much love. x


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hello everyone

Just wanted to say how truly grateful I am to have found this thread. 

Maria your last post is beautiful and so giving in hope to those of us who are using DE or considering them.

I'm 42 and DP is 39. He so desperately wants a child with me. I do with him but am so scared of DE. We've TTC for 4 1/2 years with no success. Not had IVF etc as consultants here in Leeds have been very dismissive of chances of success even when I was 38. REally wish we'd ignored them and tried so even though it would have been heartbreaking if it'd failed, at least we'd have moved to DE with all options tried.

Now don't know whether to try IVF to settle my mind or go straight to DE.

All I know is I don't think my life would be complete without a child.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Sorry for the self centred post BUT think you are all amazing!

Much love

pinkflowers xx


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

It is so helpful to read all your stories.  My DP and I have been TTC for 4 and a half years.  We were first loves at school and then went our separate ways and got back together when we were 40 and 41! It is my biggest wish to have a child with him and I have no problem with the DE route but he does!! I am still working on him as he has a lot of misconceptions about it all.  Reading your posts has made such a difference to the way I was feeling, I can really see that if you carry a child and give birth to it then he or she will have things from you that it would never have had otherwise.  I wish you all luck with your dreams and i am so grateful to have found this message board !! X


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Pinkflowers and Surfer41!

Nice to see yet some more names on this board, it seems the originals amongst us have really kicked something off!

Gosh Pinkflowers - what a dilemma, I feel it unfair Leeds said that to you about IVF as I went down the route at the age of 43!!!  However your chances are very much diminished and I do wish I had packed up after the 2nd cycle and then just done my FET I got from that one and not had a 3rd go.  Its a lot of money.  I think personally I would try another clinic, you can go where you want really.  I would make some enquiries and get things moving quickly, they may say its not IVF you need, but another form of treatment.  Best to get some tests done and speak to a clinic before you decide on DE route.  Has anyone ever told you what is wrong or done any investigations for you??

Let us know how you get on wont you, and get going on the phone to get an appointment booked, you can usually get in fairly quickly if you are paying, which you will be.  

Surfer41 - I think you should keep trying to persuade your hubby if there is no other option for a child for you.  Perhaps you could show him all our posts and also those who have been successful. I found it hard at first to think that the child may not be my genetically, and its a weird feeling even now, but its my only option as it looks highly unlikely that I will conceive naturally again.  What is your problem by the way with conceiving and what have you tried so far to help it, if anything??  One of my friends from another board has had to go the donor embryo route as she has no choice,both her and her hubby have probs. she had to try twice but she is now ecstatic and is 10 - 12 weeks pg and thrilled about it.  At the end of the day,like me, it would be your hubbys and woud pick up his genes, so nobody would think it wasnt yours and you will be carrying it.  I just cant imagine like you what it would be like not to have a child, so I am going the DE route and also have the NK cells tests to make sure there is nothing wrong.

Lirac you are so right about Maries story, it was inspirational!!!!

Speak soon all
Kathy xxx


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hi lovely ladies,

Just a quick post as I wanted to ask if any of you have had similar experiences to mine this am.

Just got back from my GP where I broached the subject of DE with her. WELL you'd have thought I had just landed from Mars by her reaction and this is in a big city which has the biggest teaching hospital in Europe. Fantastic! And to horrify her even more I'm 41 now! How old is that and unfortunately need to lose a little weight!

Then to compound things saw a letter from my thyroid consultant referrring to us attempting to conceive at this late stage!! Obviously in a very dismissive way. Good job it's before I collect my pension! Actually pretty disappointed in him writing this as in my last appointment with him he was very encouraging and telling me tales of his great grandmother conceiving at 47! Not sure whether to challenge him when I see him next week as to why he wrote that to the GP and IVF consultant.

So don't know if anyone else has had the same reaction?

But on a positive note, spoke to fab Penny at Serum in Athens last night. First chat with her and she was much more encouraging.


How are you all getting on?

love pinkflowers xx


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi ladies,

Thanks DivaB, only 4 days to go!!!!!!

Lynn E


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Evening All,

Thought I would catch up with you all before starting tea and sitting down to watch X Factor and the Celebrity Get Me Out of Here - I know some of you will think I am very sad!  

Well my donors tests have come back and they are all brilliant, my clinic said they are amazing.  She is up on Monday to have some tests at my clinic, ready for my appointment with her Weds pm with the consultant.

I finally came on on Weds, delayed yet again, so when I get to day 1 of OV I will ring Liverpool. Got to also check with my GP on Mon if they will pay.  If not may delay doing until Jan with Xmas coming up. 

Donor and I have decided to postpone my treatment til Mar/Apr so I can save money, as she wants to do hers in the summer.  Unless I get impatient that is.  It will give me chance to see if I am made permanent at work - end Dec find out - and if I am safe as well!!!

Hope you are all well, I always look forward to seeing your updates!

lots of hugs
Kathy xxx


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## Anne_7 (Mar 20, 2005)

I was informed by one of the top IVF doctors in Australia, that in the 20/30 odd years in IVF he has only had 4 women of the age of 44 pregnant with their own eggs.  3 went onto MC and 1 went on to have her baby.

With those odds I believe 43 is pushing it and 44 is asking for a miracle.  There are women who fall pregnant naturally at this age, but for IVF the eggs aren't manageing it.

DE is the way to go at 44, especially if you have a few failed tx under your belt.


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi ladies, I hope all is well.

Just got back from South Africa on Saturday using DE and tested this morning and found out that I am pregnant.... I am very much in shock at the moment. Can't absorb what i have seen on the pregnancy, thinking of doing another one in the next few days just to make sure. 

Anne7,

It seems that DE/IVF is the way to go know for us forty something as I am sure you known the quality of our eggs go down with egg.  Please do think is some much of a nightmare, many women who have used this route have found they are able to bond with their child once the baby has been born.

Good luck...

Lynn E


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hello ladies,

CONGRATULATIONS Lynn, well done you!

What brilliant news! I am so pleased for you!

Anne_7 thank you for that info from Oz. I had a long chat with Penny from Serum in Athens last night. She was saying that she thinks I should try IVF with my own eggs first before DE. But my feelings are the same of the IVF doctor you spoke to. I'll be 43 next month and needto be a bit healthier before hopefully getting pregnant. Long story but involves stabilising my thyroid and also that old chestnut, losing weight. Still feel sensible and right thing is to go straight to DE? 

ANy thoughts

love to you all

pinkflowers xx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hello Mateys

Thanks for the info from Australia Anne - just what I expected and I know all too well there it no chance of me getting pg again naturally or through IVF.  The consultant at CRM confirmed this and its all systems go for next year - well that's what I thought! 

Lynn that is absolutely fab news, its so lovely to hear a success story.  My friend who went to Reprofit is not 13 weeks pg and just had her scan, she is so excited!!!

I have so many friends on this board and on another site, and so dont want to post this.  Firstly my GP wrote to me and said I didnt qualify only for 2 rounds of IVF privately - hang on nobody every paid for my private treatment and I was told that you could only have it up to 40 on the NHS.  I have never asked for a penny and then get told I cant have £480!!!! Its outrageous in my eyes, going to ring just to confirm this.

On another note, my donor has split with her partner, which is good for her as it was coming on an off and she is much happier.  However I went off to one of my choir events last night, unbeknown to me my DH had listened to a message from her on the ans phone but chose not to tell me cause of what it said.

She feels it unlikely but she has done a pg test and got a faint line!!!  The ex's if she is pg and she doesnt want it, but where does that leave me!! Gutted but I know it is not her fault at all, and hope to god for her sake she isnt and she is devastated.  I keep thinking maybe she has changed her mind and this is her way of telling me.  she says she still wants to donate for me but I dont know what to do.  She was going to her GP today to see him, her gynae thinks it could be she is late as coming off clomid can have funny effects including a feint line.

So it could be going abroad for me after all, not sure if she is scared of going ahead, I think she is being honest, but if pg I have to start all over again, although I have the research I did.  Bless her she is an angel offering, but having to sort other stuff out upsets me.

Oh well , will keep you posted on what happend, everything is delayed until post xmas anyway with nk cells tests and CRM apppmt due to money so maybe all will be clearer in the new year, I just wanted to know what my path was before xmas so I could relax and enjoy.

Sorry to be miserable when you're celebrating Lynn - its brilliant!!!!!!!!!!

Speak to you all soon
kathy xxxxx


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi there Kathy, 

I don't blame you not wanting to use your donor, maybe she might be chickening out especially when she is no longer with her partner, maybe this is what she wanted all along. Going through the process of using a donor can be very stressful emotionally for the recipient and you don't want the added pressure having to deal with your donor emotions state as well -  to much to take.  Stress can affect the quality of the eggs. 

PS. I had the same issue with the NHS... all my treatment to date as been private. 

Good luck and let me know how you get on.

Lynn E


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

After 7 months of trying to persuade him my dh has finally agreed to egg donation! I am so happy and full of hope again.  When I first broached the subject with him it was a categoric NO! I was devastated and couldn't bear the finality of it all.  Everybody on this site and especially these over 40's threads has literally kept me going so thanks xx He had so many misconceptions about it all and I have been able to give him the right information (a lot of which I got from reading all the posts).  So we are hopefully off to Alicante in the spring..................now all I need to do is sort out the financial side of it, ha!


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hi 

That's fantastic news!
Good luck!

love pinkflowers xx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi All

I just thought I would update you on my circumstances.  My donor is not pg and is so relieved it is untrue!!!!!!  She wouldnt have kept it anyway, being her ex's.  Not sure what to make of what I thought, I think I was just so upset and disappointed that I was going to have to start again.  

She's said lets crack on now with the donor bit for  you and may be up Weds for her clinic appointment, but she did say to me that before xmas was difficult as she is a hairdresser.  If not it will be January hopefully along with our cousnelling bit.

Her doctor has agreed to pay for all her drugs etc, and told her the other day that this will be taken off my bill - thank god for that, lets just hope it is true!  On another note, my letter from the GP said up to 2 private IVF cycles - now I have never had any paid for  so I am going to see if I can get an appointment to discuss this this week.  If they wont pay for the cell tests, I dont see why they cant pay for this round as they havent before!!!!!

Surfer41 that is brilliant news for you, its  hard to contemplate so I can understand how he feels, I still feel sometimes its not mine biologically if I have a donor but at the end of the day you have the angel who donates and then the angel(s) you carry which is brilliant and they are yours no matter what.

Good luck to you!!!!

Speak to you all soon
Kathy xxxxx


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hi

How are you all doing? Having a wobble at the moment re DE. Just received some pics of my darling niece who lives in Oz, 11 months old and born on my birthday! How spooky is that and even better she looks exactly like me! Love her to bits but it's just hit home even more how if we have DE my little one will look nothing like me. Feel beside myself.

How did you all come to terms with DE?

Much love to all

pinkflowers xx


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Wishing you lots of luck 

love Jo
x x x


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## surfer41 (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi pinkflowers, thanks for your good wishes about my dh agreeing (at last!) to DE. In answer to your worries about any child you may conceive through DE not looking anything like you, my daughter (from my first marriage) looks absolutely nothing like me, some of her mannerisms are similar to mine but she is so like her father's side of the family I can see nothing of myself in her and neither can anyone else! Also my sister looks nothing like me either but again people can see we're sisters because we have the same mannerisms. I'm sure we have those because we grew up together.  I really believe that any child you have through DE will take something from you as well as from his/her genes.  I know what you mean though sometimes it really does scare you, it's such a leap into the unknown.  The more information I read and the more posts I read makes me think that more people over 40 go down the DE route than we think, especially celebrities that somehow magically manage to fall pregnant at 44 and 45 xx I do know what you mean though I think everyone worries about it a bit, I just think that even when both parents are the biological parents of a child genes are funny things and do what they want! My best friends youngest son doesn't look like his Mum or Dad at all and their eldest son is 6ft tall with red hair and freckles (Dad is Spanish and quite short and Mum has fair hair and also quite short) so there you go! x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Just thought I would say happy xmas to all my buddies on this board, I hope you all have a fab one and that magical dream you are looking for happens in 2009!

I have to say about DE pinkflowers, I too have thoughts sometimes that the child is not mine biologically, however I was talking to some family friends on Sunday at my parents and they both said at the end of the day you are the one carrying them so its the same as if they were yours biologically as you will be doing the 9 month stint!  I will just be glad to have a baby in my arms and if it looks like my DH thats fine.  I am sure it will pick up my mannerisms - poor thing!!!!  

It is weird though as I know what my donor looks like, and she isnt really much like me, apart from height and size, sames colour hair I suppose, but facially different.  On that note she rang me yesterday and is booked into the clinic for 16th Jan, all seems more real now.  She will be having clinic session, consultant session and a counselling session.  We are booked for counselling on the 2nd Feb, I have to email the clinic today about if I need to go to clinic and to see if I can get the same day as my donor so that I can go with her.  She is going to come up on the 15th so we can meet up with each other for the first time, which is weird.  

On the killer cell tests my AF seems to be getting later each month, sort of start 2 days ago and then nothing, this am sort of signs but nothing definite yet, so I have to wait until it happens so I can do the OV test and ring the hospital.  Dont particularly want AF for xmas but hey ho the parents are staying so I dont think I would fancy you know what whilst they are here!    

The plan is to aim for trsfr in March/April if we can, but have to see what the clinic say and when mydonor will go on her medication.  I will have to wait for the test results which can take up to 7 weeks to come back, I just hope they show nothing is wrong, so that I know its just been my eggs which are rubbish not my body not being able to carry a child.  If it was the latter I would be angry I didnt do it sooner because I may have had a little one by now.

Good luck Lirac for Alicante, I have heard good things about the clinic, if I had gone that route I was looking at Spain, but also Reprofit, where my friend went and is now 16 weeks pg!!!  So it does work and I know it will for you!!!!

Happy xmas all and may we all get our little    in 2009!!!
Kathy xxxx


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Hi Ladies

It has been a while since I started this thread and whilst I log on to FF sporadically, I am trying to follow everyones stories, but a bit rubbish at finding the time to post. Anyway wanted to update everyone on my news. After deliberating the DE route and getting myself on the waiting list at CERAM and REPROFIT I persuaded my consultant to give me one try with stims. He agreed on the proviso that my FSH, inhibin B, AMH and follicle count good. Couldn't believe the results, FSH down to 5.0 and 4 follicles. Had 5 days of stims, a shot to release eggs and tried naturally over 2 days and hey presto 6 weeks pregnant. I haven't told hardly anyone this time (which is killing me) as after 4 miscarriages I can't get too excited as anyone who has been on this journey will understand. I had a scan this week and heartbeat detected so encouraging but I do tend to lose them at 9 weeks. 

This will definitely be my last try naturally and still have the DE option as a backup but wanted to share the news to encourage others that at 45 it still may be worth a try. 

Kathy - Sorry to read you have been having a bit of a torrid time. Hope everything works out with your donor.

Will keep you posted on my progress and good luck to everyone.

Carolmac


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi there Carolmac,

Congratulations you must be scared like hell, all the best throught out your pregnancy.
Lynn E


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Hi Olga,

Thanks for that DE, makes me feel better reading your post.

Carolmac,well done you on persuading your consultant and 

CONGRATULATIONS! take it easy and let us know how you get on,

tons and tons of good luck

xxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Carolmac- I really hope that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy
L x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Congratulations Carolmac !!!

Have a very happy and healthy pregnancy  

love Jo
x x x


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## Springs (Mar 22, 2006)

Congratulations Carolmac, I really hope this is the one that sticks - new year, new baby!!  

(Glad also to read your surrogacy pregnanacy is going strong Jo, you really and truly deserve good news after all your trials )

Springs


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Good luck with your treatment Lirac,

Looking to have treatment again this time using FET after using DE in Dec09.  It's really worth it, never had a BFP in my life but got my first using DE. It's really worth it. 

Carolmac, How are you doing babes? Keep that picture of you holding your baby in August 09.

Lynn E


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## Lynn E (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi ladies,

What the full name of CERAM and Profit clinic?

Lynn e


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Congratulations Carolmac, its so lovely to see somebody on the over 40's thread here pg, I am thrilled for you!!!! Let me know how it is going.

Good luck with your FET Lynne, hope it really works for you.  My friend Caroline from another board didnt work first time in Spain, then she went to Reprofit and is now 17 weeks pg!!!  So it does happen and she is thrilled not to be able to bend down now to paint her toes!!1   If  you still want info on Reprofit let me know and I will ask my friend for details etc. perhaps she could even drop you a line?

Good luck Lirac too, hope all goes well for you and if you found out about the pill etc, do fill me in as I will be there soon too!! My donor is up Friday, seems to have taken ages.  I have started my healthy bit, although still not back at the gym and I must rectify that one asap!!!  Except I did have a couple drinks last night and said I was going to abstain!!  I must try harder.

How you doing pinkflowers?

Good luck to anybody else on here, once again I have to say I have some great new mateys here, us over 40's need to stick together.

Kathy xxxx


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear Ladies

Many thanks for all your good wishes and support. Everything still seems to be OK but driving myself insane everyday checking if I still feel pregnant - do I still feel sick do my boobs still hurt. Last couple of days symptoms not as strong but I have another scan a week on Wednesday so will find out if heartbeat still there. Trying to take it easy doing lots of boring domestic stuff like washing curtains, thoroughly cleaning the house etc. All the chores you don't normally get to do when you work full time and have an active 5 yr old. Really hard keeping this from my family and close friends but don't want to worry them and can't face making the dreaded phone calls if it all goes Pete Tong. As a contingency have been looking at flights to Athens and if this doesn't work out will be visiting Penny at SERUM a.s.a.p. Determined to bring this to a conclusion this year. 

Kathy - Best of luck for Friday.
Jo - You must be so excited as the due date gets closer.
Lynne E - Everything crossed for your FET
Lirac - Best of luck at Bernabeu

Again many thanks for your kind wishes and good luck to everyone.


Carolmac


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## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

Carol, I would get into touchw tih ARGC now if I were you. 

while these stuff is controversial for implantation, it is more clear for recurrent mc that the immune system plays a distinct role. 

your 4 mcs have to indicate something, and maybe s'thing in addition to the APAs the nhs has found. 

would recommend a trip to see Taranissi while you still have a bit of time? makes sense?


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Carolmac
I have everything crossed that things go well for you, hang on in there, this one is a fighter  

Yes I am getting excited, still can't really believe its happening !!

Good Luck Everyone, hold on to your dreams 

love Jo
x x x


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## freyamum (Jan 12, 2009)

Hi there ladies I hope you don't mind if I join your conversation! I'm 41 and am in exactly the same position - we have one DD who is 5 but we are dying to have more - recently I had my AMH tested and it came back at 0.1 (it should be >5) so that indicates low ovarian reserve. I don't really feel an issue with using a donor egg but I do really worry about how the child will feel in the future when you can't help him/her trace their roots if we go abroad(assuming that you're successful)   What do you think, has anything helped you out with this?

Regards

Janice


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi All

Welcome to the board Janice.  I wouldnt worry about the fact they may not be able to trace the parentage, you will be there parent and they will love you for you as you are the mother.  Laws may change abroad like in the UK which will allow this, but for now dont worry.  When you come to explain that mummy couldnt have a baby herself and had to ask a wonderful angel to help, they will understand because you will have done such a wonderful job. 

My DH was one of the first surrogate babies. His mum couldnt have children and her best friend had him for her as a parting gift -sadly she dies not long after giving birth from an incurable disaese.  He has always thought of his mum as his mum and never any different.  I have quite a few close friends from this board and another who have had both donor eggs and embryos from abroad, and have spent long hours talking to them on the phone, which really helped.  Two of them now have twins and I have one friend who is 23 weeks pg from Reprofit donation who is thrilled. They told me they were the ones who carried them and brought them into the world, which is slightly different to adoption but a form of it.  Hopefully if mine works out - I have a known UK donor who is 23, I am lucky, I met her through another board I am on.  So far things have gone well and she just needs to have her counselling now, set for 6/3 and then fingers crossed our joint meetings to go through the schedule.  So if it works whether I have one or more I know have of the child will biologically be my husbands and I will have carried it so will feel it is biologically mine.

Dont worry about it, just think about what you both really want at the end of the day.  You will find loads on these boards saying the same!

Carolmac - how are things going honey, well I hope, do give me an update I am so excited for you!!!

Jo -how is it going with you, getting so close, not long now.  Keep those feet up!

Lirac - how are things progressing with Barnabou

All my other mateys on here, let me know how things are going wont you.  Thinking about everyone all the time.

As you can see from info above we just have to wait until March now and hopefully then things will move forwards quickly.  Both my donor and I just want to get it over with, getting so frustrated waiting.  Got to now book to see GP to see if there is a chance of funding.  Spoke to Liverpool again about my NK cells test.  So buying OV kit this week - if I can get out of the snow that is, and will test like mad each morning.  Hoping to get an early + for a change so I can have the Mon off after our weekend in Prague, that way work will think we are away until Mon.  If not Weds then and it comes on the normal 17 day bit, it would be the following Weds, as you have to have the biopesy on day 7 exactly.  So I would have to book another day off. Provisionally booked both to be sure.  I hope nothing shows up.

My other concern - and if anybody has any words of wisdon it would help - is that I had my appendix out and also major back surgery when younger.  This will have obviously left scar tissue and I am concerned that this may be stopping implantation?? Although obviously it occurred the time I conceived naturally but then m/c'd.  should I have something asap to check for this does anybody think?

Thanks all and love and hugs to everyone
Kathy xxxxx


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## blue angel (Apr 13, 2005)

Hello ladies,

If there is one thing that may give you hope and that is CGH array which you can read about in the 'what the papers say section'. If ladies in our position could find out whether our own eggs were viable or not it would make the donor egg route question a no brainer.

Good luck, and never give up.


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## freyamum (Jan 12, 2009)

Hiya Kathy, thanks so much for your lovely post! Well since writing that I also have possibly found a donor on here (how useful is this place!) Our situation is a little more complex as we hope to offer a sperm donation in return for egg donation! We had hoped to find someone who might do this and found her last week-end when she replied to my post. She is 28 and due to husband's spinal injury they need sperm donation. Anyway the clinic here is going to have a meeting to see if they think it's OK etc etc and we have to find out it blood groups are OK etc. All a bit baffled by that bit but we shall keep fingers crossed! I'm delighted that you have found someone also,   that we all get nice BFP somehow!

Janice x


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## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

FM , how fantastic for you both/all. good luck!


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## Laragh (Sep 8, 2004)

Hi ladies 

I will be 46 in April and am doing DIY home insemination with DS.  I know my chances are low but I stand a greater chance of getting pg doing this than I did with 6 years of IVF and ended up £30k POORER and no baby.  Nothing wrong with me 6 years ago, we had an undiagnosed sperm problem, and a catalogue of medical misdiagnosis it beggars belief .  This is my last attempt before I hang up my boots and I get great satisfaction that every month I don't succeed I am 14K better off, this is the figure I was quoted for DE & DS donation by Dr Lower in London.  I am about to do my second attempt next week, I don't know what my FSH is but a year ago it was 4.5. This a sort of closure for me knowing I did everything I could, if I don't go through this DIY insemination I'll always wonder what if, I got inspired when I went to a jewellery party of a friend a few months ago and a lady there was talking about her friend of hers who had a one night stand whilst on holiday at age 48, got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  This conversation was coincidental as knowone knows of my 6 years of trying for a baby, my DH thinks I'm mad but supportive, I think I was mad parting with 30K and listening to these money making doctors with their statistics but hindsight is a great thing. 

Good luck 

lottie


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## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

Lottie, completely agree with you. in v similar boat. 

the only thing Id add is: have you thought of injecting eg gonalf to ensure you have > one egg each month for the DS target practice?!


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Just thought I would let you know that I had my NK Cells tests done at Liverpool last Monday, to put my mind at rest. I am going to be honest, I had tears in my eyes at one point but I dont want to put anybody off because its important to rule anything out even if they are only studying it, but it seems to have positive outcomes!!!

It was like a smear to start with, but she had to change the catheter to do the tests as I have never given birth my womb opening was small - so a fine needle for me. That was ok then they have to go into the womb and its not like transfering embryos as they actually have to take a scraping from your womb - that was the painful bit, but DH held my hand and it was a matter of a split second. I just felt a bit sore after, but not much at all, which she did say would happen.

I would still recommend it to you who are thinking about it, as I would rather know and if they recommend steroids because I have a problem when my results come, I would rather try anything to make sure I have a chance of my miracle at 45 and my donor eggs working for us!!

So recommended well and truly but a tiny bit of pain!

Good luck to everyone as always, I like to see a happy ending!
Kathy xxxxxx


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## laurainhk (Jul 20, 2008)

I am in the same situation. 44 going 45 and as i have never tried IVF i would like to give it a shot with own eggs.

As for uplifting stories, i have a friend who got pregnant naturally at 45, delivered a healthy baby girl on term at 46, one who had a successful first go at IVF age 44, delivered a slightly premature baby at 45, who is now perfectly fine. 
A few days ago i was reading something really shocking in an Italian newspaper. A Romanian cleaning lady, age 49 was arrested for infanticide. Apparently she had managed to hide her pregnancy to her employer and to her family, because the baby wasn't her husband's (he lives in Romania) and while she was at home alone she delivered a baby, then suffocated it, put it in a plastic bag and dumped it. She was arrested the next day, when she went to hospital because of severe bleeding and finally admitted dumping the baby.


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear All

Sad to report that I have had another mc. Same circumstances lost heartbeat at 8.5 weeks and now waiting return of karotyping tests. I am now seriously pursuing Plan B (ED) but still researching other options like screening, but stats really poor. I think I now need to come to terms with the fact that all my eggs are probably defective. So annoying when I seem to conceive fairly easy.

Following all your stories and wishing you lots of luck.

Carolmac  
x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Carolmac ^hugne^ so sorry to hear of your loss
L x


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## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

oh no, Carol, I am SO sorry to read this.       
have they any idea what caused it?
So disappointed for you. 
xx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Sending you massive hugs and love and flowers Carolmac, I can believe it.  We started off this strand and I so wanted you to get that happy ending, dont give up darling!

Sorry I dont understand why karotyping tests are?? I cant remember either if you have had the NK cells test, which is what I have just had done - I think if not it is worth it, as if they find something they could put you on the steroids to help.  Sorry if I am being ignorant at this time and not remembering, but we are way down the pages from our intial contact matey.

You will get there and it is hard to come to terms on possibly giving up on your own eggs, but I have such positive stories from good friends who have done DE, and I am here to talk to you when you are ready if you would like to.  Send me a PM if you like

Take care and time out with DH, 
thinking of you
Kathy xxxxxxxxxx


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## laurainhk (Jul 20, 2008)

Carolmac, sorry to hear about your loss.
it seems so unfair, especially after 8 .5 weeks. 
Allow time to grieve, you need time for yourself now, but then turn page, forget about this set back, and do all the tests that you and your doctor deem necessary. 
Plan B requires a lot of emotional strength, but its chances of success are very good. Many women in this forum have chosen that route, and have no regrets. Once they held their baby, all their doubts and fears vanished. It takes 9 months to make a baby, and that counts a lot more than the chance encounter of invisible eggs and sperms. Your baby is shaped more by your emotions during pregnancy, and your interaction with it after delivery. Genetics are  far less important than socialization and upbringing.

So if you decide for plan B, you will never regret it. I recently read about teenagers conceived through sperm or egg donation, their emotions and reaction when they were told about their conception. Except for one girl who was told when she was 13 and therefore felt deceived at  an age when all teenagers have identity problems, all the other kids knew from a very young age how they were conceived and are happy and well-adjusted. They feel wanted and loved even more than other kids, because their parents went through so much to have them. There is a lot more to people than their genes. My sister and i share the same parents, and yet we look so different, our personalities are extremely different, and we never felt a deep bond. We live 10,000 km apart. One the other hand i have a girlfriend here who looks like my twin sister, and we have been best friends since we met 10 years ago. Everybody think we are related. Yet she grew up in Germany, and is half-Chinese!


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Dear All

Thanks for all your support and kind wishes. I am well and truly progressing Plan B. I have contacted Penny again at Serum for a chat with a view to going out for an initial consultation. I do feel positive about ED but still difficult to stop trying with my own eggs despite the overwhelming evidence that at 45 probability of success is low. Also husband had a bit of a wobble about ED that really allowed me to clarify my feelings about wanting another child. I was fairly devastated that he wanted to stop trying. Now managed to talk him around so better not lose the momentum before he changes his mind. We have had 2 counselling sessions with an experienced ED counsellor. She has 10 years experience and said that every couple she had talked to had a positive experience, which was really reassuring.

Kathy - Many thanks for the hugs and flowers. Karotyping basically informs if the mc was due to a chromosome abnormality. Last mc was due to additional chromosome and I think, from memory, was a trisomy 16 which is the most common cause of misscarriage and can happen at any age but more prevalent the older you are. Pregnancy never reaches term with this defect unlike Downs and Edwards syndromes.  My consultant, who is the kindest guy you could ever meet, feels that my underlying problem is egg quality due to age. Tell me more about the NK cell tests? How are you doing with your donor?

Carolmac x


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## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

Carolmac, very sorry but so glad you are progressing with Serum. I hear nothing but good things about them on FF.

re the NK tests, just to clarify Olga's post. She had an endometrial biopsy done which obviously takes the cells at that moment in time from the uterus. I and most others have had peripheral circulating (ie blood) nks done. There is great debate about whether either or both or neither is any good at identifying issues. I had it done to set my mind at rest which, having had 2 wildly varying results over a few months, it sort of has!

best of luck to you

Anna


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

I just dont seem to be able to do right for wrong. Why am I being punished for wanting a child, somebody tell me!

I have gone through months of working with my donor, and now she's failed the counselling bit as needs to sort things out in her life!  I thought this is it, at last after being on this board for so long I have a chance of having a child, but couldnt even type on here last night through the tears, I hit a wall again and had to leave it until this am.

I am so distraught it feels like having my m/c all over again, I have to start again looking at abroad, when I had already done the research last year about this and could've been there and pg by now.  I kept insisting with my donor that I could go abroad if it was too much for her and her messy life, but she insisted that she was absolutely 100% for doing it.  I cant even answer her texts this am as I am more angry this morning. Always had an inkling this would happen with, how can people mess with others lives so much!  Am I being nasty, I dont feel I am, not even convinced she went to the clinic, but will ring them Mon to see who I deal with to get records if I go abroad.  I am so scared now and dont want to waste too much time, I am 45 and not a spring chicken anymore and may never have that chance of a miracle, NK cells tests good or bad when results come back.

I just couldnt have text somebody that news I would have had to have gone to see them or rung them, not sent a text saying going home to see fella need a hug!  I got the text at work too!!

I had to leave a note for my DH last night as he was on lates and nt home til midnight, to tell him we have to start all over again. He isnt surprised at all to be honest, but my new marketing co-ordinator I appointed yesterday I worked with before, and she is russian and rates the clinics there really highly and has said she will help me look into going there as well as Reprofit I am thinking of, as we could stay with her relatives.

My DH has said this am not bothered if not biologically ours through him, happy to do embryos as may be better in the long run and more chance. Going to speak to a mate who is due June and went to Reprofit for embryos donation, see what she says.

So distraught though last night, I feel so let down and messed about, but then as said am I being really nasty? Do tell me if I am, but I just wanted my chance of that miracle, like we all do.

Carolmac - hope you are ok or as good as can be matey.
Love to the rest of you, sorry I cant bring good news.
Kathy xxxxxx


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Hello Kathy 

Really sorry to hear about the latest turn of events and completely understand how devastated you must feel. 

Whether your donor did fail the counselling or simply bottled out  - it's obvious she's not suitable. Of course you know her and I don't but, from your previous posts, she did come across as being unsuitable. Personally I think that unless the donor is a close family member (sister, cousins etc) then it is far better to do things via the professional and anonymous route. 

We all make mistakes - don't beat yourselp up about it, just put it down to experience, take some time out and think about your next move. 

Rather than viewing this as a setback, view it as a lucky escape.


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hello all

Sorry to crash your thread, but I've been so interested in everything you've been saying and your thoughts about DE. DH and I are seriously thinking about this now after a bfn on Monday (probably our last with own eggs) and we're trying to sift through all the info for DE abroad. 

At the moment we're considering Serum, Ceram or IB Alicante or the refundable programme at IM Barcelona...not sure where to go...

It's been great to hear all your thoughts, fears, hopes...thank you.

Good luck and may we all get what we want and truly deserve, we've worked so hard!

penpot x


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## heart1964 (Oct 28, 2008)

Hi Everyone  

Like Penpot, sorry to crash in but could I please join your thread?  I have been following all your posts and finding your comments and thoughts really interesting and helpful.  I am 44 and have been desperately TTC #2 for 2 years.  We are also close to going the DE route and have been in contact with Penny at Serum.  Have just had a shot at IVF, my first, BFN.  It all turned into a bit of a disaster as I seemed to ovulate and lost most of the follies after the final scan and before EC.  I am speaking to the consultant tonight but so far haven't been given a reason for this - probably something to do with the HCG shot.  Anyway, I ended up with just one egg, which did fertilise, but BFN.  So difficult to know what to think, most people seem to go the DE route at about this age but then I regularly hear stories of others who have had successful IVF at this age too or conceived naturally with their own eggs, it's a nightmare!!  Laragh - so mindful of what you say about the clinics and the amount of money you can spend, also at this age, the chance of success is so low even at the top London clinics.

I know I am so so lucky to have a lovely little girl who I conceived at almost 40, I truly treasure her.  The problem is this lulled me into thinking I wouldn't have any problems with No. 2 but it has been a very different story and we desperately want to give her a sibling.  Just considering what to do next before I opt for DE, not sure I can face IVF again, the EC made me feel ill.  Maybe just the stimms and a trigger shot for ovulation and try naturally....?

Penpot - I see you have been to the Lister and ARGC.  I went to the Lister and was all set to go there but then saw Create and liked the idea of mild IVF, now of course wish I'd chosen Lister, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.  ARGC seemed very expensive, what did you think of them?

To get my head round DE I could do with some counselling and although they offer it at Serum it's not as indepth obviously 'cos of distance people have to travel and short amount of time they are there.  Does anyone know how I can access this in the UK?  I am in Staffordshire, but happy to travel to someone good.

Sorry for all the losses and the pain everyone has gone through on here.  It's a nightmare journey.  Here's hoping we all realise our dreams in 2009!

Love, Heart xx


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hello all

Olgak - so sorry to hear about your donor, you must be absolutely emotionally exhausted. Big hugs and hope  the dark clouds of disappointment are dispersing a bit. 

Carolmac - have only heard good things about Penny at Serum (thinking of going there myself). I've asked her about immunity issues and she feels the medication I had at ARGC (humira) wasn't particularly helpful, so her protocol is v different. They seem to get good results though, around 68% on going for 2008, although their frostie percentage is only 12%.

Heart - I found the Lister and ARGC very different. The former was fine, nice bedside manner, and in comparison to ARGC quite relaxed. The latter was a complete chuffing nightmare! It's frantic, you have to put your life on hold (social, work...), the people you have most contact with are a group of girls who all look about 11, and I had more medication than I could shake a stick at. But, and it's a big 'but', I do feel that having been at ARGC and covered every possible issue (immunity issues, Natural Killer cells, cytokines, genetic screening...), I know we did our very best and have no..."what if" thoughts which, in hindsight, is very reassuring for us. Both clinics are horribly expensive especially if you go down the immune testing and PGS/D route, but we gave it our best shot especially the last go, even if it didn't work, grrr!

Penpot x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hello All

thought I would update you all on progress and the fact that I am finally picking up and trying to put what my UK donor did behind me.

It was back to research on Fri evening, having been poorly all week as a result of last Fridays wonderful (NOT) text from her.  I sent off loads of emails off to various clinics, some I did last year and some new, which had been highly recommended to me and some where I know people very well who have been there and successful results.

So I wrote to Isida, Ukrain; Falun, Sweden; IM, Spain; St Petersburg, Russia; Life, Athens and Reprofit, Czech.  All but Sweden have written back and I fired so many questions at them it was untrue I can tell you!!!!. Russian ones have no waiting lists, Isida cost around £5K plus meds cost, St Petersburg around £6 - £7K, so not cheap.  Oh sorry not heard back from Spain as yet, they took a bit of time last year when I mailed, but costs currently according to this board and another I am are nearly £10K!!!!! Sorry cant go there, however good they are!  Life was is around £4,500 with meds.  All of the people who wrote back were absolutely lovely and gave me loads of info, if anybody wants it for themselves let me know.

Last but not least Reprofit, one of my favourties after Spain originally I have to say, not just because of cost, but also because my friend Caroline I met on another board went there after failing her 1st treatment in Spain, as she had a gut feeling, she is now due this June and is so thrilled!

I got costs for donor eggs and for some embryos, not sure if they all do embryos and so emailed some of them back.  Caroline rang me text last night about going straight to embryo and how would we feel as waiting list for eggs is 11 months as so popular there!  We sat down and had talked about this before, and have decided to go straight to embryo, in the long run we feel it will be better for us and the child, if neither of us is biologically theirs, and after all does it really matter.  I have lots of friends who have done this and are ecstatically happy with it as they carried them after all (yes both have had twins).    we've made a decision and are going with Reprofit, the doctor has been fab, emailed back Sat am, and again Sat pm, then 3 times this am.  We can do the initial consultation via email/phone with help from my former clinic if I need it (have to ring them tomorrow to update them), we dont feel we need to go out twice as we know somebody who has been there and the website has pics.  So will just go for treatment if he is happy with us.  So back went the forms this afternoon as soon as I got back from Asda.  Just have to get blood groups from CRM Cov and also ask them about he thickness of my lining in all treatments (wants a recent one but I think better to give as much info as poss). Cost is £950 plus meds around £200 - £300 if I need them ( not sure if you can do natural cycle, probably medicated).

So thats it I will keep you posted, so very scared though, I just keep thinking it will all go pear shaped again, nothing ever seems to go right for us with anything half the time. But trying to be positive and not get too excited as we arent even there yet, as I just cant go through what we have just been.

Hope you are all well and thinking of everyone.
Anyone want more info on any of the clinics let me know.

lots of love and hugs and wishes for a good 2009/10 for us all!!
kathy xxxxxxxx


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## Emeraldgirl (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi All

I have just stumbled on this thread by accident, so I hope you dont mind me gatecrashing.

What fantastic posts, some of them brought tears to my eyes and some of them were so uplifting (Roze's post on the first page was just so inspiring and moving)

Carolmac:  I was sad to read your posts, I have been there too, but only twice, dont know how you've managed to lift yourself back up after 4 m/c's but I suppose that's the resiliance of the human spirit. 

We've had 3 courses of IVF, the 1st and 3rd resulted in BFP only for no heartbeat to be found, both times between 9-10 weeks.  After my last EPRC, the foetus was sent off for testing and found to have a chromosome abnormality called Trisomy 15, which is very rare.  We are awaiting results from some further to see if either myself or my husband are carriers for this abnormality.  If I am then there is no hope in the future for using my own eggs. Our consultant thinks its highly likely that I am the carrier and feels that our best way forward is with donor eggs overseas.  So like Kathy, we have gone with Reprofit but the waiting list is very long, and we are scheduled in for February next year.  So at least we have something to work for.  In the meantime, I can try and get a bit healthier and lose some weight, well thats the plan anyway.  

Kathy:  I've read your story with real interest, donor embryo was something we did consider.  I am so interested to see how you get on, I really hope you get your dream come true.  We too have decided not to visit and have any initial visits with Reprofit and have decieded to make the trip over for EC.  Dr Stepan said he will be able to sort everything out via email, and I can have tests or scans done here in my own clinic, which i'm pleased about.  There are so many glowing reports about Reprofit on this board that we are quite happy just to go without seeing it first. 

Hope you dont mind me joining this thread.  

Good luck to everyone.

Dee xx


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## pinkflowers (May 8, 2008)

Firstly apologies for not doing proper posts for a while.

To cut a very long story short, four weeks ago I found out I’d conceived naturally at the age of 43. I didn’t want to post the news as there was so much sad news on here and also I was very scared. I felt guilty at getting pregnant naturally when I post on this board. We’d also made arrangements to go overseas. Also very shocked as had been told by drs here that I was past it, too old etc etc, and that DE was our only option.

So all seemed to be progressing well, HCG and two scans were great, my little one was growing as he/she should be. I’d had my first high risk antenatal apts and Morning sickness well 24hr sickness was and still is truly appalling. But yesterday the 9 week scan showed a blighted ovum, so we are now totally devastated.

The morning sickness and other less wanted pregnancy symptoms are continuing which seems a very cruel trick that Mother Nature is playing.  I’ve to go into hospital for things to be sorted. 

As to what next, I’ve to see the consultant tomorrow, who ironically is the same chap who was booked to do my antenatal care, and then go into hospital next week. 

I’m really sorry for the long me post but wanted to let you all know what has been happening. love to everyone, I think you are all amazing,I’ll do a proper post later.

Pinkflowers xx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Pinkflowers,

I matey I am so sorry that this has happened to you and I know how you are feeling and what you have to go through, but I am sure you will support each other and please be strong for each other.  At the moment I know it feels the end of the world but I so dont want you to give up on your chance of having the family you  want.  You need time to heal and get over this and if you need to talk please PM me, as I know what it was like when I lost mine naturally.  Sending you massive hugs darling     

Please get in touch if you need to, I look at this board and the Reprofit one via the Czech one board so will always pick your messages up, but happy to have a PM.

PF Hope you dont mind me speaking to Dee in this post too matey.

Dee - good to hear from you.  You can do it all by email and I certainly have so far and Stepan has been great. Just have to keep patient and email him next week to see how he has got on matching us not that we want a match, we dont mind. Been told by my friend Caro who has been out there keep emails short with him, although his English is good he may not remember as he has so many patients - thats the popularity and success there!  So he may think we want a match still with our blood groups but we dont mind, so a gentle reminder next week wont hurt.  

I considered just DE as DHs sperm is fine, but in the long run due to the stepdaughter and other stuff we decided that embryo donation is best for us.  I really wanted it to be half us biologically, still sort of do, but at the end of the day because I have close friends who have gone to donor embryo and say you carry them they are yours and it makes no difference it helps!  I dont mind its only like a form of adoption so if I can have one or two that would be so magical!!!!!

Good luck with you DE I hope it works for you and you never know we could be there the same time.

I just hope I get in quick!

take care all I am thinking of you pinkflowers so much and best wishes to everyone else
Kathy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## carolmac (Aug 4, 2008)

Hello Ladies 

Thought I would provide a quick update on my situation. I have had a couple of good chats with the lovely Penny (SERUM) and had decided to go there, possibly in May. However yesterday I had a call from CERAM  (Spain) to say I had reached the top of the waiting list and they had found me a donor. I am now deliberating which way to jump. Positives about CERAM is the location, success rates, good press on the international boards, they do blastocyst and freeze embryos. Down side is the donor is 3" smaller than me and they matched me without a photos or discussion. I am due to speak to Penny Monday as she is researching best donor match but says it won't be a problem. Instinctively I am drawn to Penny as she seems to treat you as an individual, has great success rates, does natural cycles and it does seem to be a labour of love rather than a job. Got to decide by Monday so will keep you informed. 

P.S - Also scheduled for REPROFIT August which hopefully won't need.

Penpot - SERUM have no waiting list and use mainly easter European donors so blond/ blue eyed donors in plentiful supply. 

Pinkflowers - So sorry to hear your news having had 4 m/c I know how devastating it can be. Please don't lose heart, there are other routes and where there are options there is hope.

Dee - I am interested in what you said about Trisomy 15 as that was given as the cause of my last m/c. The m/c before was a Trisomy 16. My consultant intimated that both were a common cause of m/c and more prevalent with age. He didn't seem unduly concerned but I will do a bit more digging.

Heart - How is the DE research going and have you made a decision on the counselling?

Kathy - Glad to hear you sounding so positive. I think Reprofit is a good choice and will keep everything crossed for you.

Good luck to everyone.

Carolmac


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi Carolmac

So lovely to hear from you and such a lovely long message to use all.  Pleased to hear you have had a chat with Penny, she is supposed to be really lovely and then you decided, then in came Ceram to the equation!  What a decision to make.  I researched lots of clinics as you know and that included Spain because of their success rates and references, however cost was astronomical I found.  My friend who went Reprofit and is due June, went to Spain first and it failed - that isnt me saying dont go because of it, but then she had a gut feeling she had to go to Reprofit - it worked.  It was as if it is fate.  If you are drawn to Serum then there is a reason for it I personally feel, but only you can decide.  May isnt far away and if you speak to Penny she may be able to bring it forwards somehow, you never know. I must admit Greece was my 2nd choice, followed by Isida.  If things dont move smoothly with reprofit and looking at the other board I am on for Czech, its not going well for some that worries me.  Not that they dont succeed but one girl has now waited 4 weeks for a reply from them for an update!!!  Oh gosh fingers crossed I just wanted to get cracking!!!!!!  Let me know what you do wont you!

You never know could end up at Reprofit with me - but know I have a feeling you will do Serum.  I may look there myself I was looking at Life, Greece is more expensive.  But quite a few have been to both Life and Serum and done well.  If I dont get a response over the weekend to my email (see below) I may check at Serum and Life again, its just cost more than anything and some clinics also dont do donor embyros.

Can I ask you all what is Trisomy, sorry never heard of it

Now here is my update:

Just thought I would update you all - for once I have had some good news, which in my journey of trying to have a baby has never happened!!!  I had my NK cell test results back today.  The uppper level for normal NK cells is 5 and mine was 1.6!!! I am so relieve, although that means it is down to my rotten old eggs, prob lack of ov and all the past boozing, which at times was far too much.  Then again you just never know.

So I mailed Stepan straight away to let him know and dropped hints at getting in asap!!! Again!!!! lol 

I said just about to start AF - gone a couple of days late again - and that I knew it was too late to start drugs to do things in April, as too soon probably, but that we would urgently like to start in April and although we would like a match to us, we dont mind if it isnt.  Fingers crossed I get a reply really soon with some more good news!

lots of love all
Kathy xxxxxxx


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## JHB (Mar 30, 2006)

Hello Girls

Kathy I have been to reprofit for donor eggs last year and had a fresh cycle booked for august this year. I have been lucky to fall pregnant with the aid of icis with my own eggs so have now cancelled reprofit.

The clinic is fantastic and stepan and Marek and all the staff are fantastic. I would go back to this clinic again because I am 100% confident in there ability and care of there patients.Sometimes awaiting response from emails can take a little time but this is due to them being so popular and good at there job with so many new clients.

Not sure how long it takes for a match for donor embryos now, but I am sure you will be offered some shortly.Regarding medication I also opted for he additonal predisolne which stepan will prescribe you it does help with implantation and is a low dose steriod.

Wishing you every sucess with reprofit and hopefully your get a match soon.

JHB


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Thanks JHB

Its good to hear from you and so pleased that you have fallen pg with your own eggs.  I am going to try one last time in April using my little OV kit, but I know I dont have much chance, worth one last go eh,lol x

Reprofit sounds great and my friend who is due June went there last year - shame I could have been there same time, but UK said no no I will do it - she didnt, lets not repeat and go there.

I do have a gut feeling about it and you have now renewed my confidence inthem.  I dont know Marco not spoken with him, only Stepan.  He is usually pretty good at getting back to me quickly, so hopefully I will have an email today.  embryo donation is 3 - 4 months he told me, but he knows I am pushing for quicker.

Regarding Predisolne, that is the medication they mentioned at Liverpool, but because I have a normal NK cell count, said they cant do any treatment for me.  To be honest I have read and seen so much on tv about it, if he will prescribe it then I am going for it (the gp on This Morning was raving about it last year and there's been loads of pr about it, so there must be something in it) - anything to give me a fighting chance of my own child.  

Thanks so much, it has really helped me this morning as with AF pending my hormones everywhere I am being a miserable so and so - have to snap out nieces coming for weekend.

Thanks again and how far gone are you and when due?

Kathy xxxxxxxx


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## JHB (Mar 30, 2006)

Hi Kathy,

I did not have any test for nk cells, but after seven failed attempts asked my consultant in england to presceibe prednisolne, because it has had so much sucess. Stepan does give it as standard on most of your medication even though you may pay for it. It is so cheap to get your drugs from czech republic.

I am now five months pregnant and baby is due 5th August. My consultant in england is scanning me at 28,32 and 36 weeks due to my age going to be 41 this year.

If I had not been sucessful with my eggs, I would be going to reprofit again in august.

Good luck hope to hear your good news soon.

Tracey


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

NEWS!!!!  

Just to update you, I emailed Stepan again and was really polite and friendly.  I think it also helps that I know people who have been there and are due in a couple of months who always ask to send their best wishes to him and say how wonderful the clinic is and the work he and his team are doing there.  Enough of that!

Well I got a first email Thurs evening saying I will be in touch and thank you for such a nice email.  then at work yesterday I picked up a second one which said he has 3 embryos for me now and do I want them.  They are 3 blastocysts frozen on day 5, grade 1.  The donors are female 19, AB-, 5' 5", green eyes (like me) and brown hair (like us both) and finished secondary school like DH.  The male is 21, A-, green eyes and brown hair again and 5' 11" and just finishing his University degree.  Taller than DH and me, but what the heck does it matter and slim too!

I text matey Emma from the lead on another board I go on and she said go for it, no question about that I emailed straight back and said when can I start.  I now have my information about drugs and plan. So April AF will start drugs and treatment in May and if it clashes with staff meetings tough!!! Its about time I put us first and not work eh!!!

Just thought I would let you all know - grade 1 is top isnt it if I remember rightly from my IVF?  I so hope I have a chance and even though my NK cells test was fine, I can still have predisolene.  The only worry is my mate who is due in June who went there says they ask if you want all 3 put back and she took the risk.  I want to do the same - but triplets?

Just one would be nice after all this time.

Lots of love and hugs to you all
Kathy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## WildLife (Jan 2, 2006)

Hi All

I have tried to read the last 100 or so messages but have gone boggly eyed so I wanted to ask a question:

How does it work at Reprofit?  

By that I mean that having been at LWC for 3 years now I know that I have to go up there many times.  So if I went to Reprofit for a DE & DS and was lucky enough to get 3 grade 1 cystoblast (3 sounds shocking but the stats make it far less so, that's why they allow women of our age 3.  Even in the UK they allow 3) ... do you know how many times you have to visit? 

Do they just do ET?  What about preparation drugs etc?  This all makes a difference because cost is now crippling and I need to plan.

Olgakorbut - it sounds like you had a very quick and positive response.  Having just hit yet anotehr BFN and being an absolute madam about it I need to plan something that will increase my chances considerably.

Finally, and sorry if this is somewhere and I have missed it.  What sort of cost?  I asked abotu 18 months ago and I can't remember but I think it was around £6k?  Do they do € (euro) or sterling as the Euro is very strong right now.


XxXX  
Thanks for reading.  I really really appreciate that you all have your own pain and this site is brilliant the way it allows us to help each other.


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi Kathy

Wow, that's so exciting - well done you! Hope all goes well, will be keeping all crossed for you.

I think the chances of actually having triplets is quite rare to be honest, but it's worth thinking about...

DH and I are now seriously thinking about DE but for some reason despite all my previous positive vibes, I'm now the one who is having doubts. It might just be that the closer the time comes (just about to book an initial appt with Penny at Serum, flights etc...) the reality hits a bit harder. Has anyone else felt like this? I suppose there's still something niggling in the back of my mind that because I responded so well to treatment, it should be work...but then it hasn't so far...grrr!

Good luck for all on our quest and hope you had a lovely Easter

penpot x


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Hi All

I shall go dizzy going from board to board on FF, but I'm not leaving my mateys on this board alone, I want to keep up with everyone and fter all I am 45+ now!!!


Wrin - in answer to your question unless you really want to go and sus the clinic and have an initial consultation, then you only need go out for your Embie transfer.  Stepan will email you all details, forms, treatment plan and drugs you need and then if you get your womb lining at 7mm day 13/14 you just phone to say it has happened and are told to go out. Treatment on my plan for April/May is day 17. Worse thing is not knowing whether to book a hotel or flights but i've read on the Czech board I am on that you can cancel up to 24 hours in advance I think.  I am going to see if I can get my meds at the Fazeley chemist 3 miles from me within the next week - never got there over the bank holiday (supposed to be one of the cheapest in the UK)!  Then wait for AF and hope it isnt too late.  It will still give DH and me 2 weeks notice to book leave for the trip.

They do egg donation, adoptive embryo donation and sperm donation separately if you want it.  I know about cost I am having to find the pennis, £10K + down with failed IVF's here.  You are charged a set price with only drugs being extra.  Its more expensive for donated eggs than embies as you can imagine. Its costing me around £900, which is fab, compared to other clinics abroad, russian ones looked good but were much higher. You have to shop around for clinics that do embies not just eggs or sperm.  Not quite sure about what you mean by Euro or sterling, they do the Czech Kroner, but I can ask my matey who is due June how she paid if you like?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and PM is you want for more info etc.  Go on the Czech board to its great!!!!

Penpot - great to hear from you!!!  I think you are right the chances of triplets is minimal, especially  when its frozen embies, one will do me, it really will.  I am not sure how I will feel if this doesnt work, especially after having the NK cells tests too coming back fine.

I had niggles in the back of my mind, however I knew it was more than likely my eggs were not good,  and once I spoke to people who now have twins through embies or donated eggs, it really helped.  The donor conception network is good too, so try checking that out.

I think what you need to think about is, what do I really want at the end of it - the answer a healthy baby who will be mine from day one and be brought up by me!!!

Good luck Penpot let me know how you get on.

good luck everybody else on here

Kathy xxxxx


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## WildLife (Jan 2, 2006)

Kathy - thank you for that.  I will email them.  Good luck later this month/May.    

Jx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Oh my god I just realised I spelt pennies wrong, not quite the spelling for something else but still mega embarassing, probably made a few of you laugh though!!!!


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

Hi OlgaKorbut
I'm a lurker on this board and yes your interesting spelling of Pennies made me laugh out loud!!!

     

but I have been following your story with interest - all fingers crossed for you hun,
lol
Dxxx


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## olgakorbut (Jul 5, 2008)

Just thought I would pop in and say hello and how is everybody on this board

News from me, I await my scan on Monday and have to get that magical 7mm+ so that we definitely fly out on Thurs to Brno for the tx on the Saturday. I am so petrified now that I wont get there. Flights and hotel are booked, the only thing I need to do is pack the suitcase, I wont be able to bear it if I dont get that number.

Its going to be a long weekend, however I do have loads of work to do, as although working from hom Monday, I cant see me getting much done although I so need to!!!!  Perhaps if its nice Sun and DH is out doing his digging for the decking I can have a good old go at it.

Would love to hear from you all to see how you are doing, it seems to have been quiet on here, hope all is well and there is some good news to tell me.

Sending you all love and hugs 
Kathy xxxxx


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi Kathy

How exciting - good luck with everything!!!

We're just have a bit of a breather at the mo' but considering going to Serum in Athens in the next couple of months to talk about ED. Still a bit anxious about the whole thing (particularly bonding etc) but think it's the way ahead. Bizarrely DH feels much more positive about it than I do now which is a total role reversal from before.

Best of luck and do write to say how it's all going!

Penpot xxxx


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