# Any ideas?



## Loki Girl (Oct 10, 2011)

We are struggling with bedtime and wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom we haven't thought of. We had bedtimes going brilliantly with eldest 2 in separate rooms. Both going to bed at 7pm
and maybe chatting quietly to themselves but would soon fall asleep. But then baby came along lol. He was in our room for 6mths but it was time for him to come out as we were disturbing him. We only have a 3 bedroom house and as baby is still up 2-3 times a night we put big man in with little lady. This is now where all the problems are starting. They absolutely refuse to go to sleep and will shout and squeal at the top of their lungs keeping each other awake. On days where big lady doesn't have a nap it's ok cus she will be out like a light so we put her up first and big man can't wake her up so he eventually gets bored and goes to sleep but she can't manage full time without a nap and on the days that she naps it's a nightmare. It's currently 8.45 and they have been in bed since their normal bedtime at 7pm. We have had to take big man out of the room in order to try and get little lady to sleep as he was just keeping her awake shouting all the time. He is now completely overtired and losing it. He never used to be up before 8am and if he did wake up before he would go back to sleep but now he is waking at like 6/6.30 and shouting till he wakes up his sister or the baby. I then have very tired crabby children. 

They like routine and normality so we can't even start one of them off in our bed because they don't perceive it as normal and little lady will constantly ask to go back to her bed. 

Does anyone have any ideas about what we can do? We staggered bedtime tonight and left little lady up an extra half hour but big man still not asleep although he was quiet but as soon as little lady was put in the room he just started shouting and the 2 of them just bounce off one another. They have only been sharing 2 weeks but at this point I am actually wondering whether having littlest man in with big lady would be a better option and hope that his wakings in the night and his early morning feed didn't wake her? If anyone else has any other suggestions that we haven't thought of would appreciate it as we are going crazy and it's making such a long demanding day for me dealing with them from 6am to 9pm as is it tonight!! And with little man up every 3hrs still I am becoming exhausted and patience wearing a bit thin lol. Thanks xx Oh little lady is 2 1/2 but big man is only 19mths so reward charts and stuff like that not going to work with him yet.


----------



## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

Don't know if it's any help but I stay in room until they go to sleep.  We have cuddles,story into bed and lights out. I then sit quietly on the floor out of reach but in sight. If they talk I very quietly say shh its sleep time and never anything else. Don't answer any questions, no getting up for drinks nothing at all.  Took a while to start off with but can now put them up for 7 and make it down in time for the second half  of Emmerdale! I also found that dream lite pillow pets are great they cast stars onto the ceiling for them to watch and have a timer to turn themselves off - quite hypnotic to watch as the stars change colour but gradually fade in and out - sends me to sleep watching them. Good luck x


----------



## Theretofour (Feb 19, 2013)

Could one go to sleep in your bed and moved across later?


----------



## Loki Girl (Oct 10, 2011)

Thanks Bulmer. We did stay in for awhile but they kept looking for us and shouting Daddy where are you, what are you doing, where's Mummy etc. I guess if we had kept it up it may of worked. Might be something to think about to try bit more dilligently. Like the stars idea tho am going to look into that thank you!!

Theretofour thanks for replying. Mine must be one of few children who don't like to be in their parents bed hahaha. Big man won't keep still in order to fall asleep and little lady doesn't perceive it as normal so will just keep asking to go back to her bed so it's not worth it. Thanks for input anyways!!!

We also thought of possibly changing the room round. Their cots are currently opposite each other so they can see each other. Big man will stand in his cot and shout to his sister but she rarely sits up. If she is in bed she is lying down. Thinking if we moved cots round so they couldn't see each other that might help?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Daft as it sounds for the short term could one of them sleep on the landing then gradually move the cot an inch a night once normal sleep is resumed. Sleep deprivation is horrid you have my sympathy x


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

i'd move the bedrooms back to be honest - i dont think you can fix the problem, they are too young and will just see it as playtime. 

i'd put the boys in together - i know babe is up in the night BUT once sound asleep big man shouldn't be disturbed by the babe if you are going in and seeing to him and then he goes back to sleep.

i think research says that toddlers perceive baby crying to be normal and so in their sleep it doesn't register and so they sleep through it IYKWIM. 

that's what i would do  at this point all you can do is try something new huh


----------



## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Aw Loki you know we've never been great but something that has worked on and off for us at bedtime is an audiobook on repeat. We have the rhyming rabbit which is nice and not too loud or excitable. He often is asleep before it's through once! I think it's a nice distraction to lay there and listen to it without having the distraction of a parent being in the room to continually try and talk to.


----------



## Loki Girl (Oct 10, 2011)

Thanks for more advice ladies!!! Diva wish we had room to do that lol our landing not big enough tho. Becs we have the baby Einstein classical music cd which they have both had even in separate rooms. At 20mths tho big lady is a much more fun distraction lol. Could try a story cd just not convinced he will listen to it. He's not a quiet sit down and listen kind of boy   

What's working at mo and it's not ideal on my part but little lady has given up naps so she's straight in bed usually before 7 and goes straight to sleep. We give big man an extra tv show before taking him up for stories and by that time little lady is asleep. He will shout and bang his cot but it doesn't disturb her and we normally only have to go in once and tell him. But then it's like almost 7.45/8 before he goes to sleep. The more difficult bit is the morning. Little lady sleeps till like 8/8.30 if you let her but even tho big man goes to sleep later he is the one up and shouting at the crack of dawn. He was the one that would always sleep in or go back to sleep before he started sharing a room!!! I find myself lying there from 5.30 (bearing in mind haven't usually gone back to sleep after feeding littlest man after his normal wake up at 4.30/5am feed) with pins and needles waiting for his first murmur then I shoot in, grab him before he can wake little lady and take him into our room where if I am lucky he might sit on the bed for 15mins watching CBeebies before he starts causing havoc lol. For now that is working. It's so much better not having littlest man in our room as me and hubby were just not getting any peace and neither was he. Although he's still up twice in the night lol but he doesn't get disturbed as much. For now think it's all we can do and I just muddle through the tiredness and when it gets really bad then DH will do a night of night feeds for me. Just need to win lottery and get a bigger house hahaha


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Okay, 
Firstly -I second Ritzi. Put the older two back into separate rooms and put baby in with your older son. 

Secondly, although your daughter has given up her nap and likes to sleep in, this is definitely not going to be workable when she starts nursery. Ideally you want her up by 7.30am at the the latest as this works well for nursery and school so a good pattern to get her in. Therefore your 19mth old waking her at 6/7am really isn't the end of the world. 

I have a 17mth old and 4.5yr old who are now sharing a room and to be fair there are some nights that they both muck about for an hour. Other nights they're quiet as mice and fall asleep straight away (very rare!). Usually it's about 10mins. The little one was in our room until he turned 1 (having tried twice before but giving up) because he is a terrible sleeper and my eldest needs a lot of sleep so I really empathise with you.
In the night, whenever the baby did wake up my eldest never even stirs! For a while I would take the baby out at 5/6am, feed him and keep him out but now he's finally (woohoo for my sanity) starting to sleep through most nights, I leave him in. This morning they woke up 6.30am and I heard no whinging or screaming, just happy babbling and playing together.

I play bedtime by ear -totally depends on how tired they are! If one is tired before the other I put them to bed first and call it 'special us time' (assuming your partner is around to look after others). Another thing we found was a real no was TV. At 6/6.30pm tv goes off and kids brush teeth, have a bath, get out, get changed, then get into bed for story, song and kisses. If one is going to bed before the other, the one not in bed gets special story time with the partner. Everything kept as calm as possible.

My eldest has a bunk bed and when the baby was still in the cot, he slept on the bottom bunk with a sheet across it to create a 'den'. He slept better in there as he wasn't distracted by his brother.
The eldest is now on top bunk and youngest on the bottom bunk and this is also helpful as they can't see each other.

No idea if this is workable for you but routine is key (as I'm sure you know with dealing with the older two) and I'd seriously stop the TV at night as mine always found it too stimulating.


----------



## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Just an extra re the tv. If you do need something like that to enable you to get something else done then can recommend goodnight circus on YouTube. It's not very long about 8-10 mins I think but it's basically a nice calming goodnight story. It had little man transfixed whereas he dips in and out of night garden but I find that quite noisy and stimulating so do see the point.


----------



## Paulapumpkin (Apr 22, 2006)

Hi Loki, sorry to hear your having issues with bedtime. I completely understand as we are having a similar issue with our gang. We've got a new baby and our 3 year old who sleeps in the same room as her 6 year old sister is playing up a bit. She keeps waking up really early and waking the whole house up. We are currently waking with baby between 4-5am and 3 year old is waking then and starts shouting. We think it's because of the baby coming as our toddler has regressed slightly.

At nighttime the girls usually go to bed at the same time, if they don't then I sit with the 3 year old until she drops off which is usually pretty quickly. We've had to try and make extra cuddle time for the older two as they can get left out because we are occupied with the little ones.

I really hope your situation sorts itself out. I guess I would do whatever seems to work for you all so at least you can all get some sleep.


X


----------



## Loki Girl (Oct 10, 2011)

Awww Paula how fab to 'see you' with your littlest pink home. Been wondering how you were getting on and meant to message you but all been a bit crazy here with the chicken pox etc. Hope it's all going well and she has settled in. 

Thanks for all your words and advice ladies. Really helps to have some things we haven't maybe thought about. We are trying some different things and limiting the tv is one. A good point we hadn't thought of and whereas it really helped little lady get in a routine because she was awful at going to bed when she first came home as foster carers would just let her fall asleep whenever she wanted so the CBeebies bedtime hour helped her know when it was bedtime. But hadn't thought that maybe it was over stimulating for middle man. It's not been that great at mo because he is just not a boy that can sit for long so trying to do books which he enjoys but can't sit and listen for that long is hard. We have been trying to do bath a little later so that they don't come down and get all riled up so we have been doing later bath then milk and one program on our bed then stories. Big man still being a nightmare lol but we will persevere. We may try littlest man in with one of them but haven't so far as he has caught chicken pox off his sister and has been so poorly we have literally had days where we were up to him every hour. Thankfully with emergency antiobiotics he is on mend so may try over bank holiday weekend. But thank you so much you guys are brill xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Sorry to hear about the chicken pox. Glad you are finding a way forward x


----------



## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

If a story book doesn't work (they don't for mine) you could try a lullaby on repeat , very quiet and repetitive. You can  actually get them on you tube - Brahms lullaby is on a four hour repeat, if it doesn't work on the kids it'll send you off to sleep instead.x


----------

