# No I am not happy she's had a baby!!



## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Just a post to vent!!

Our neighbours have just had their first child and they know all about our struggle and apparently I'm a horrible person for not going round to see the baby! DH has been round and tried telling me all about the baby but I really really don't want to know and I don't want to see the child! I'm not going to pretend to be happy for them and I'm not going to see the baby and I don't give a rats ass if it hurts their feelings!

Feeling very pressurised by our neighbours and DH to see the baby but I really don't want to and apparently this makes me a bad person and hurts our neighbours feelings! Screw their feelings!! I'm being mean by not going round but it's not mean to give rubbish, unsolicited advice that hurts me to the quick because 'they just don't understand'. Screw them, I don't 'have' to be happy for them,  I don't 'have' to see the baby and I don't 'have' to give a damn. 

Rant off!


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Hi Scribbles,
No you don't have to at all. If you aren't comfortable going over there then don't. You have to do what is right for you...going through tx is hellish.    Sometimes these feelings we have of hurt are so strong that we have no choice but to give in to them....give yourself a break. It's okay to protect yourself  whilst you are feeling raw and vulnerable.
Sending you lots of       for a BFP very soon! 
xxxA


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## natanya (Feb 21, 2014)

Scribbles,
Maybe you can send a card or a gift.  Don't go to see the baby until you are ready. It may be very stressful for you and you may not do well during the experience.  
N


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## babycrazy35 (Jul 29, 2013)

Hi scribbles

Have you previously had a close relationship with your neighbours? If they know your business then really they should try to show some consideration, however some people just don't think. If they don't then why are they making such a problem out of this?  I'm sure if you could manage to go round then you would have done. Your husband has gone round, what more do they want? Keep your distance if it messes with your emotional state, if you see them you can always smile but you don't have to live in each others pockets. A lot of people are the complete opposite when they have a baby and just want a break from visitors.


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Scribbles

As others have said, do what you feel is right and if a particular day is too hard for you then don't put pressure on yourself to go round.  However this baby isn't going to disappear and over the next few months you will inevitably bump into them going out for walks, getting in the car etc. 

Could you send a card with a note in it, explaining that you wish them congratulations but that you find it very hard so will come round for a cuddle but need some time?  When you do go round you could give yourself a time limit, you could say you've got to go at a certain time as you're meeting someone, have an appointment - then you have an escape plan.

Two of my closest friends were pregnant when we lost our baby - one has since had hers and the other is due in May.  I was honest with both of them, explained how hard it was going to be to meet their babies - not because I wasn't happy for them but because I wanted it for me too.  I said I might cry when I see the little ones but didn't want to offend them.  I went to see my friends little one when he was 2 weeks old, I went at a time when no other visitors were going and her oldest was at nursery, in case I was emotional.  It went better than I thought, he was just so lovely and I enjoyed my cuddle.  After I left she sent me a text thanking me for the gift and also acknowledging how hard it must have been for me to go but that she loved seeing me and appreciated my visit.

Sometimes the thought of something is actually far worse than the reality.

Huge hugs  

Dory
xxx


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Thanks girls for the support, I'm going to keep a low profile and let it all blow over. DH has been over and taken a present (which they told him they didn't like) and they even came over our house trying to persuade me (and trying to give me breastfeeding advice because the poor girl is all tired from feeding hahahahahaha!!!!). We were really close before the baby was born but it's all changed now. 

I'm just going to ignore them, this is shizz I don't need or want.


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Hi Scribbles sounds like a good plan and they sound rude and inconsiderate.  
xxA


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I totally agree Scribbles, doing whatever you need to protect yourself emotionally is far more important than the feelings of people who despite knowing your circumstances thrust their own fecundicity in your face.

I hope it's your time soon.

B xxx


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

I think they sound like insensitive pricks.  If they'd just said you were welcome to come over any time and left at that, fine, but to come to your door and try to insist you meet their child is just plain rude!

Even aside from your fertility issues, how egotistical to think that people have to come and fawn around their offspring!  And to then try to offer advice about breastfeeding, in what world do they think you want to have that conversation?

I wouldn't even give them the time of day given their attitude.


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## Leanne22 (Mar 14, 2011)

Do whatever feels right for you. My DH brother & wife had a baby last sept, & I ave only seen the baby once and that was planned but due to bad timing at the MIL house. 
Me & my DH have been made out to be horrible people for not going round or even seeing them at Christmas but we have stuck to our guns & refuse to upset or cause oursevles any more pain. 

I think u shud tell them ur thoughts & feeling allow ppl 2 see ur pain & if they dnt understand and let u deal with things in your own way they dnt deserve u as a friend. 

Xxxxx


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## Pollywally (May 4, 2012)

I think your neighbours are being utterly selfish about this. Don't give in and see the baby. You are suffering enough already. Why should you be forced into having to go round their house to witness their joy at something you probably feel you will never have? If they can't understand how difficult this is for you then frankly they are not worth having as friends. I would ignore them. With friends like that who needs enemies? I've been in your situation and I have decided to put myself first. If people can't understand then that's their problem as far as I'm concerned! x


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

You all rock, thank you for all your posts. I feel loads better about my decision xxxxxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

hi scribbles, 

You come first before anyone else!  Protect your emotional state.

If it does bother you, have you ever thought on writing them a letter explaining things? Sometimes just putting thoughts and feelings on paper can really help.  You can destroy it instead of posting it, if you would prefer.

I've been there with a close family member, who was all excited over their 'bundle of joy' which I wrote a very long letter explaining everything and said at the very end, glad your dreams came true, mine are still a work in progress so please give me time to come to terms with everything and I will contact you when I am ready to meet child, if that's not good enough for you, then sod off.  We are still friends now!

xxx


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## Newlywed (Aug 7, 2013)

Hi infertility is an awful road that no woman should have to go down and everyone copes differently with it. I myself have been trying for 8 years... Family, friends and neighbours are all having babies  and I am always absolutely made up for them as a baby is a true gift of life ( whether you tried for 3 months or 6 years) so to say your not happy she's having a baby is a pretty strong statement to make... Don't get me wrong I am always a little envious of friends falling pregnant but would never want them to not talk about it in front of me or show me scans etc! Because I know that one day will hopefully be me...
I do agree that your neighbour has been a little insensitive insisting you go around and to say they don't like your present is rude! But if they are your friends then they probably do expect you to go around... Though could be a little more sensitive as they know what your going through!  Good luck on your journey x


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Considering her neighbours rejected the baby gift that Scribbles generously gave, by saying they didn't like it, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to go over. Who does that? 

Sometimes you just have to protect yourself and not worry about what others think. If her neighbours/friends can't figure out that maybe she has her reasons for keeping her distance that's their problem. 
xxA


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

I would ignore your neighbours. You really don't need anymore stress in your life at this time.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Its a hard one   .  What i would say if you don't mind, is be careful not to be come consumed with anger and nastiness, its not their fault that your struggling.  Im not saying this is the case, but iv read many situations wrongly, and effected several good friendships through my own obsessing about their situation and the unfairness of it all.


Try to take a step back and have another look at the situation, esp if she was a good friend before hand, what does your husband say about it all??




xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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