# Because I don't have children I can....



## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Lie on my back on a blanket in the garden at 11pm at night, watching shooting stars with my darling DH.


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

and not worry about who's going to babysit whilst you watch a doulble bill at the cinema.


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

...go out Friday, Saturday and Sunday night and misbehave!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Zoom off for hours on end on my motorbike with like minded pals and hubby if he isn't busy and not worry about what time I get home or where I end up!


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Ooh yes I am loving this thread! 

........lie in bed till past 10 am on a Sunday morning


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I can spend time doing what I want to do instead of fielding the continual "Mum....." (in whining voice).

I can have interesting and mind expanding conversations with other childless adults without having to talk about nappies, tantrums, schools, college fees....yawn...etc

I can think about moving house wherever and whenever I like.

I can have adventure holidays like walking up mountains.

And I can have those holidays at any time of year.

Yeah - I'm liking this thread!
Bernie xxx


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## tiggymj8 (Jun 25, 2007)

SWEAR!!!!!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I am sorry if this thread has caused offence to anyone. It was not begun with the spirit to cause offence to anyone who is trying for a much wanted child - after all the whole ethos of this site is to help and support those who want to acheive just that, and many of us here have already been regulars on other parts of the site before we came to this place.

I'd like to gently remind any readers that this particular part of the site is for those who have now sadly come to the end of the road regarding having a pregnancy of their own for whatever reasons, so often we have discussions or threads here where we are faced with having to try and deal with the rest of our lives living without children. The comments made may come across as flippant to those who have no understanding of the reasons why each individual is here - for example I would gladly trade in my motorbike just to be able to have that family of my own, as I am sure others would swap things they have wrote about. Sadly that is never going to be, but I hope in my postings that I can show others who are new to the journey of childlessness that life can eventually be good - it just takes time, courage, sharing our thoughts and a lot of tears along the way to acheive this, as many of us who read and post here know.

Infertility is such a soul destroying thing - no matter what stage you are at. I'd like to invite anyone who finds the content on this board distressing, offensive or upsetting to IM me or one of the site admin who would be happy to listen to them and take their concerns onboard.

Tiggymj8 - I see from your ticker you only have a few days left until you test - I understand through personal experience the plethora of emotions that you must be going through. I want to wish you the best of luck and I am sorry if the words here have caused you any upset. Please, if you wish to IM if this has upset you - I would be more than happy to speak to you off the board.

My love to you and to all of you out there, no matter where you are in your journeys
Emcee xxx


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## tiggymj8 (Jun 25, 2007)

not at all emcee, I find this thread quite amusing, despite the emotions I am experiencing I am still keeping my humour about me, and did not mean swear at the thread but meant , because I dont have children I can SWEAR!!.
But like yourself and most people who come to ff  I would give anything to have children, but believe that there must be some humour like this thread, that is not personal and that we can still laugh no matter what stage of treatment we are at, and can still say the things that we want without being ostrasized....
I think this site is great and this thread much needed, peopole do not have to read them if they dont want to..

Mary


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## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Ermey, Beach Girl, flipper, Emcee, fellow moving on'ers

I just wanted to say how much of a smile your posts about this topic has brought to my face.

I know sometimes when I am in the depths of despair about my IF it is hard to see that there are any positives to the whole thing. But you helped me remember that there is a life outside and after IF. It is not the only thing that defines me and I want you to know that this thread is a welcome mood lifter to what otherwise is sometimes a really hard place to be.

Some of us have no other choice but to move on and we make the choice to live our lives as positively as we can, given the heart break we have suffered.

I am sorry if anyone has been offended by the posts but I for one 'get' the sentiments and I say thanks to God each and every day for my sisters on this thread.

You keep me sane, when I might have lost it completely, helped me to rejoice in my small victories of getting back to who I really am, and let me rant and supporting me whenever I do.

So in that vein....

Because I don't have children....

(although I wish it could have happened without us all having gone through what we have) I am really lucky to have the support, and richness of your friendships! 

Bless you all!

Vicki
xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Tiggymj8 - thanks for that. I am so glad that this didn't cause any upset! Perhaps I am a bit overzealous where this place is concerned because of events that have happened here in the past  

Despite everything you must be going through at the moment I am glad you stil have your sense of humour... I'll keep my fingers quietly crossed for you hon.

Vicki, thanks for your message too and ditto! You have all often made me laugh in the midst of the madness that is my life 

Now I am going to back out of Ermeys thread which I have so beautifully gatecrashed...

<tip toes quietly out of the door stubbing her toe on the door frame and swearing>

Emcee xxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Ah, hello my lovely caring girls  

I am glad that this thread did not upset anyone (as far as I am aware, anyhow). I hesitated a little after starting it, because I remember VERY vividly how a year ago, very shortly after giving up tx, I found it too painful to contemplate the positive sides to not having children. Indeed, some (many) days now I still find it hard to accept the "plus sides". The last thing I would want to do is seem insensitive to anyone feeling so very painfully raw. If there is annyone out there that is feeling upset by this thread, please accept my deepest apologies, and be assured that I remember very well the open rawness of that wound.

However, I recognised recently that I am at a stage where I can take pleasure in small things that I would not be able to enjoy to such an extent if I did have children. This is an important sign to me that I am slowly coming to terms with things to some small extent, and this thread was intended as a celebration of that. i hope thats ok with people.

Mind you, woe betide anybody outside of IF who suggests to me that I am "lucky" to be able to lie in bed past 10am, go on nice holidays (etc etc etc we've all heard them)!!!!!!!! 

We can choose to celebrate these parts of our life as a good coping strategy, but we would all trade all of it, as Emcee says.

  
Big love
xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

That is so true Ermey - we are complicated beasts and though it is good to think of the positives associated with being child free - we would give it up in a second if there was a chance of having a much longed-for child. Or, in some cases, putting back the clock. I am very aware that some time (and not too far away) I will have no option but to think of the positives and stop craving what I can't have. I'm in that crossover place - it still could happen but is not likely. I know women who are still trying may look in on us - I hope they are not upset. All we are doing is trying to cope with this enormous sadness that we have - with a bit of humour.

BTW this thread is close to my heart as this weekend I had my sister and my 12 yr old nephew to stay. My goodness!! He was very good - but such hard work keeping him occupied. And my house was turned from tranquil haven to something resembling the aftermath of a hurricane. Then there was feeding him - I couldn't keep up. So you see I got a real taster of what parenting is like .... and I'm not quite over it yet!
Bernie xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Myownangel said:


> I know women who are still trying may look in on us - I hope they are not upset. All we are doing is trying to cope with this enormous sadness that we have - with a bit of humour.
> Bernie xx


Me being one of them  Love the thread 

Without children in my life at the mo I can stay up late with my laptop, dh and a bag of skittles and not have to get up early tomorrow 

love to all
suzie xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

> Without children in my life at the mo I can stay up late with my laptop, dh and a bag of skittles and not have to get up early tomorrow


Skittles? But I was led to believe only smarties had the answer! (or so the ads used to say)  

xxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

emcee said:


> Skittles? But I was led to believe only smarties had the answer! (or so the ads used to say)
> 
> xxx


note to self <buy some smarties this evening>


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

1. Ride my horse without worry
2. Come home and go out whenever 
3. Stay in bed until half an hour before my train leaves
4. Lick the bowl when making cake 
5. Decorate the Christmas tree
6. Have a pond or pretty plants that are poisonous in the garden if I want


(But I would still rather have a littl'un to share this life with)


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

......sit in my PJ's with a cup of tea at 9am on a Thursday morning, drooling over Matt Damon on GMTV...









Swwoooooooonnnn! (dreamy smile for rest of day)


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## Toni J (Jul 2, 2007)

have sex whenever and whereever and as loud as we want  

Toni xxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Before AND after breakfast!


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi Ladies

mine is 

Getting ****** and enjoying it
needing ice cream and going to mcdonalds for a mc flurry at anytime
have duvet days
go on holiday and get cheaper due to outside school times

bell


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Toni J said:


> have sex whenever and whereever and as loud as we want
> 
> Toni xxx


Looking forward to getting back to that one when no foster children in the house


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Some great replies on here

from the experience of having my sd and her ds staying with me my list may seem boring but hey its those little things that you really miss ....

tidy up the house and have it stay tidy for more than 3 seconds
be able to walk out the door and go out in less than 15 minutes (by the time you have got everything you may need)
be able to go shopping without tantrums
be able to eat when your hungry (instead of when the child is)
have peace and quiet
be able to watch what you want on tv (and be able to hear it)
not have to say NO! (thats all I seem to say lately)

I could go on ............

Dydie xxxxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Hey Dydie, did you notice how many views this topic has had. Quite impressive I say. I wonder how many of those looking actually have children!!


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

- go on luxury hols
- stay out late whenever I want
- mess about on computers with no interruptions
- keep myself in a decent job with good pay
- buy great clothes and anything else I want
- have some peace and quiet when I like


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Yamoona said:


> Hey Dydie, did you notice how many views this topic has had. Quite impressive I say. I wonder how many of those looking actually have children!!


Neither did I until you pointed it out - wow!

I always wonder who the people are who read the moving on board but don't post. There must be a LOT of people like us out there - are they the ones reading the posts?? or is it other people? maybe people still ttc or in tx, but wondering what it's like to close that door? I'd love to know!!


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## nades (Aug 18, 2007)

nades said:


> I always wonder who the people are who read the moving on board but don't post. There must be a LOT of people like us out there - are they the ones reading the posts?? or is it other people? maybe people still ttc or in tx, but wondering what it's like to close that door? I'd love to know!!


Hi Ladies,

Thought i would try and answer your question a little, i am just doing my first ivf at 32 i read this thread alot just to have other peoples views on a life without children as me and DP have talked lots and we really don't want to spend years trying. we are having 3 goes and that will be it for us, we do hope and pray it works but if not i just want a idea of what we face.

i hope this make sense to you and as helped a little.

Nades xx
[/quote]


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Nades it is great if we can help anyone in your position, I would like to wish you all the best on your journey and thank you for posting.
xx


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Hi All

I don't suppose many people with children read this thread, I used to loiter and read these pages when I was still trying (like Nades) it kind of gives you a taste of what may come, but fingers crossed the majority of people who are still trying will never need to post in here  

I got used to the idea of not having my own kids before my sd got pg, it still hit me hard but life as a nan has filled some gaps and to be honest it has made me realise that perhaps I was too set in my ways to have the patience for kids, all those people who used to say annoying things like "kids aren't all their cracked up to be" and "their not the be all and end all" and "if I could do my time over again I dont think I would have any" to be honest they do have a point!  Yes I love my dear grandson but I am always happy to see the back of him, it feels like a whirl wind has swept through my house every time he is here.  The main trouble is they dont stay as cute cuddly babies for long! 

I have a litter of Boxer pups at the moment and I would really love to keep one, but dh is not standing for any of it   and when you look at the reality of having 3 fully grown boxers it is not as appealing as when you look at a cute playful little puppy.....shame things have to grow up  

Lots of love to everyone, its great to see such a popular topic on this thread 
Dydie xxxx


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