# Birth Certificate



## southern_angel (Jun 16, 2008)

Hello all,

I'm hoping to start ttc through AI with a known sperm donor soon. He doesn't want to be named on the birth cert and I'm not sure about what I'd put instead - I'm not that keen on 'unknown' when he is known, if that makes sense? I'm aware that if I was in a civil partnership (or married, as most of the donor's previous recipients have been) then I would be in a different position, but what do I do now it's just me?

I just wondered what others had done
Angel


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Its a very personal decision Angel, but you can leave it blank. That's what I'm intending to do as you never know when your child might need to produce their birth certificate and leaving it blank, rather than saying Donor or Unknown may make it easier for your child as they can then explain the circumstances in whatever way they wish (if they even feel they do want to explain anything at all). 
Presumably if your known donor is unwilling to appear on the Birth Certificate, it would cause real difficulties between you if you did insist in adding their name. From advice I've read about known donors, it is very important to agree between you all aspects of involvement early on between you to make sure you are both on the same page and avoid any difficult misunderstandings once baby is here. 

Wishing you lots of  in achieving your dream. 

Love & hugs, Felix xx


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## southern_angel (Jun 16, 2008)

Thanks for the reply Felix  

I didn't know you could just leave it blank - I thought you had to put donor or unknown. Leaving it blank sounds better - I am worried about the child having to produce it later in life and then needing to explain (or deal with potential prejudice if it says unknown/donor). I definitely don't want to push KD on this, I can understand why he doesn't want to be on the birth cert. 

Congrats on your wee bump, looks very chilled out in the photo  

Angel x


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

In actual fact - you can't put donor. I know because I wanted to and couldn't. That was a few weeks ago. 
Its just blank on Alfie's xx


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## Chowy (Apr 12, 2008)

Hi

Ours is blank, I did not want donor on it as if F needs it for ID later in life he may not wish for this information to be provided.  Also if you name father, they need to be present unless married and if you name someone they automatically then have parental responsibility which is a whole new ball game in terms of them having a say in how the child is brought up.

Hope that helps

Chowy


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## Guest (Apr 6, 2010)

This is an interesting issue.  If the birth certificate is left blank then the mother has to explain to the child why.  I would be interested to know if there are any single mothers who have left the birth certificate blank but not told the child about sperm donation.


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Shad, I am in the open camp viz telling my son about my use of a donor to aid his conception (and will be with my daughter once she arrives).  However, to put this issue in perspective, there are something like 40,000 (hope I've got the number right!) birth certificates a year in the UK where the space for the father's name is left blank.  I doubt all of those resulted from single women using donor sperm to create their families!  So there are plenty of women who tell their kids different things about who their biological father is / was - there are a number of circumstances I could think of off the top of my head - a relationship finishes and the mother doesn't want her ex partner to have any involvement in bringing up the child (or the ex partner is not interested in being involved); a one night stand; an ongoing relationship with a married man who doesn't want to be named on the birth certificate; for a co-habitating couple, where the father dies before the baby is born, etc.  

A-Mx


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## Guest (Apr 6, 2010)

indekiwi said:


> Shad, I am in the open camp viz telling my son about my use of a donor to aid his conception (and will be with my daughter once she arrives). However, to put this issue in perspective, there are something like 40,000 (hope I've got the number right!) birth certificates a year in the UK where the space for the father's name is left blank. I doubt all of those resulted from single women using donor sperm to create their families! So there are plenty of women who tell their kids different things about who their biological father is / was - there are a number of circumstances I could think of off the top of my head - a relationship finishes and the mother doesn't want her ex partner to have any involvement in bringing up the child (or the ex partner is not interested in being involved); a one night stand; an ongoing relationship with a married man who doesn't want to be named on the birth certificate; for a co-habitating couple, where the father dies before the baby is born, etc.
> 
> A-Mx


Yes i agree all of what you said raises questions in the child who does not know who their father is. i just wonder how mothers cope with the questions. Sometimes you see dramas where the child blames the mother for not knowing their father and i am sure this mirrors real life


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Shad - I'm sure there are instances in real life where the child blames the mother for not knowing who their father is. However I suspect this is less common in our case (ie single mothers by choice) since we are mostly very open about our desire to have a child, and about how loved and wanted that child is, and from a very early age the child knows that there is/will be no biological father on the scene, so they are able to get used to it and see it as something quite 'normal' for them from very early on. 
I tend to think the drama comes when things are kept secret, or when the child perhaps feels the mother is denying them information or contact - not really so relevant in our situation
I guess though we ultimately can't predict how our children will feel, and all we can do is be as open and honest with them as we can, and support them throughout 
DCN has good support material on how to tell children and how to talk about a range of donor situations

Suitcase
x


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## Chowy (Apr 12, 2008)

Good answer Suity - liked it and I agree our children grow up from birth with just a Mother and hopefull what they dont know they cant miss. xx

Chowy


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