# Adoption Chat Thread Part 2



## VEC

Welcome to your new home, and good luck to all of you, wherever you are in your adoption journeys.

 

We still have a post placement board, access to which can be obtained by filling out the 'contact us' form:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/index.php?ac=contact

      

Martha xxx

PS - this way if you wish to read back to Part 1 : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=278728.0


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## Frangipanii

Thanks Vec x


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## Poppets Mammy

Just book marking

My fingers and toes are crossed for us both CWTBM, exciting but anxious times for us both while we wait to hear who gets who  

Xx


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## Flash123

Morning everyone,

Bookmarking and welcoming everyone to our new home.
Here 's hoping peeps for more of the happy times of our old abode - cheers all xx


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## Flash123

Loubielou - wow 4 months, as fangi said what a wonderful age. That would be my dream come true. I hope yours does too xx

Can'twait- awwww bless you. Such anxious times for you and dh. I have everything crossed and am praying for happy news for you SOON! Take care xx

Frangi- meant to say the other day fab post. It really did my heart good reading it. Xx

Day 2 of prep today, really enjoyed yest but I think today is going to be even better -  we are doing 'real' things today like parenting. I think sometimes you get so caught up in all the work of hs and reading around the topic etc that you forget there are actually children at the end of this process.

Take care all xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi,

Even more fab news on here, lovely news loubielou and fingers crossed for you can't wait.

Still no contact from SW. We were approved at panel 2 weeks ago. DH has said to wait until the end of the week and then email. We have no phone number as new SW. I am desperate to email today but don't want to come off as too pushy

Keep smiling x


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## AoC

Everything crossed, CWTBAM!

Can someone clue me in?  Is the post placement board the same as parenting adopted children?  Only I've been able to read that for ages, anyway.  *puzzled*


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## popsi

AofC... no hun its where you go after you have had your LO its restricted .. so you be there before you know it xxx

love to you all just bookmarking as i love to follow you all x


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## Belliboo

Hi everyone I don't post often but read quite frequently, it's been a year since our little one come home & I can say its the best thing that ever happened to us, so for everyone waiting hang on in there cause when it happens its amazing good luck to everyone on this journey xx we're even hoping to start process again for a sibling early next year 

Ooh I didn't know about post placement thread so I've requested access so hopefully I'll see you over there soon xx


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## liveinhope

Bookmarking!  So exciting to hear all about the possible matches.    for you all to have your LO's soon


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## peacelily

Wow, so much exciting news about so many fab matches    nothing for us, seen a few profiles but we are having to be very restrictive anyway with having DS already.

Peacelily xx


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## Ourturn

Morning everyone, just marking x


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## Anjelissa

Another one just bookmarking   
Loving all the wonderful news on here lately, such an exciting time for so many people!   

Anj x


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## newmum

Hi peacelily what does DS mean? X


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Am I a geek when I say I loved first HS session?!!!   Could have gone on all day, poor SW


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## Arrows

DS means Dear Son
LO little other
DD Dear daughter
DH dear Husband
DP dear partner

Bookmarking really, Our LO is settling in well.
How do I get on the post-placement board and where is it??


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## HannahLou

Glad it went well lolly! Did you get homework? X


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Not yet as we haven't covered all of our last homework yet!  Although she did mention emailing us the next lot "just to have a little look at..."


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## peacelily

Thanks Arrows    how's he doing at night?  There's a "contact us" form on the 1st page of this thread, use this to request access to the Post Placement board.  I can vouch that you're a real person


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## newmum

Thanks arrows all this jargon I'm trying to get my head round 


Lolly you sound so excited glad its going well, I found I need 3 sessions just for me to go over my first load of husband lol. It's quite therapeutic really once I got over all the probing

Our medical forms arrived today, yeah another thing to tick off. Hope DH sees it that way lol

Nm2b x


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## daisy0609

Hey ladies 

Hope your all well. Have another visit tomorrow  looking forward to that i think kind of just want it to finish and to have apanel date if that makes sense! Our references have their forms now which is also kinda scary too but good in a way! 

xx


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## nutmeg

Hello all, just having a quick nosey round our new home. Hope everyone is well and looking forward to the weekend (I can say that now as I don't work Fridays so a wee glass of wine might tempt me tonight!!).


CWTBAM - I'm so hoping the SWr falls in love with you and wants you for these LOs.


Well this time next week we should have an idea of when MP will be and when we may meet our little girl and I'm desperately trying not to run away with myself here but it's so hard!!


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## margx

Hi everyone,
Well we have our first prep day tomorrow and I am stressing out   probably just because I don't know what to expect. Will be glad once this first one is over with. 
Hope everyone else is doing OK, love reading the posts on this thread as they help keep me positive  
Marg x


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## Flash123

Evening all, 

Day 2 of prep today. We looked at the matching/linking process in detail and was just wondering:

Those of you who have been matched or linked to possible matches when, if at all were you shown photos of your lo?
our la don't show till matching panel. I was wondering if this is the norm. I am afraid to sound superficial because I am not but what if you get to matching panel, you have pictured a lo in your mind and then you actually see a photo and you feel no connection.


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## Flash123

Marge- there really is nothing to worry about. I have really enjoyed our prep. There were only 3 other couples and it was very informal. No sharing of personal info or delving into your experiences at all. We listened, shared when we wanted, reflected when we needed to but also did a lot of laughing. I really hope you enjoy yours x


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## margx

Thanks Flash : ) I just stress out over the littlest things, will just be glad to get the first one over with x


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## watakerfuffle

Hi All

Just been catching up with all your news, so much of it and all so positive. So exciting. I remember so well lots of the feelings that some of you are going through, the unknowns, the excitement, the worrying etc etc. Just one big emotional roller coaster ride!!

Anyway all is going good here, LO been home now for 2 weeks. Such a short amount of time yet I couldn't imagine life without him now. It is amazing just how good a match he is for us, just perfect. Our first week was very tough, sickness and lots of unknowns and all sorts of feelings including feeling like a total fraud!! It's still such early days but I feel like we are getting there now and lo is settling in so well. 

Gotta go as lo is trying to help me write this, he loves the laptop!!!

Take Care


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## Flash123

Waterkerfuffle - sometimes i get so caught up in this 'process' but you have just reminded me on the wonderful pot of gold that's at the end. A beautiful 'kick up the bum!' xxx


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## Dreams do come true

Sorry about another me post, I'll be back with it soon  

I can't stop crying and thinking about these LOs, I have become so attached (sounds daft I know!) but I love them (again sounds daft) - I have been imagining life with them and now I can't let go or think about anything else.

Working from home again today as I can't be in the office because I don't want people to see me crying  

This is the hardest thing to do in the world (for me, DH is fine) - I have never wanted anything this badly before.

As I'm typing I'm getting even worse, I put on a brave face when talking to our SW and friends, but behind closed doors I am an abolsute wreck. 

The latest is, LOs SW spent 3 hours reading our reports (she is a student SW) and has a good feeling about us but because she is a student she has to speak to her supervisorm which she is doing today. My SW is calling her this afternoon and hopes to find out:
1. Does she want to meet us, i.e. does she think we could be mummy and daddy to these perfect little pumpkins.
2. Other adopters are also being considered, if she thinks we could be right - is she planning on visiting more than us.
3. Timescales if she wants to visit.

How do you do this part of the journey, I can't believe that I have let myself fall in love with these children, worst thing to do. I just know that my heart is going to be broken  

I have people trying to call me about work but I can't speak because I am blubbering so much! Since last Friday ALL I have done is think of these little ones, I went in to Next last night to get something and found myself with a dress for the little girl and dungarees for the little boy in my hand, I even stood in Next crying!

I don't know what to do, waiting is so hard (and this is happening quick) because SW knows how we feel - she hasn't seen me cry thankfully, but she will later I think - given how I am now 

What me and DH have said is that if this doesn't work out   then we have to somehow draw a line under it and move on - we definately can't consier the other sibling group we were interested in as it would feel like they were second choice and they deserve better than that.

I didn't expect to feel like this, I thought as soon as we were approved to adopt then it would all be fine...I'd cope with the wait then as it would be when not if. How I can love children I haven't met, I don't know - but I do 

Anyone else felt like this about a potential link? x


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## watakerfuffle

cantwaittobeamommy - I know exactly how you feel, it's not easy at all in fact it's impossible!! When we were sent profile for our little one our sw said not to get attached to his profile...like that was easy!! Of course I was attached straight away, you start to imagine them and them in your home. We even got a dvd before we were officially linked and that was it then we were totally smitten, having a dvd really brought him to life. 

There is nothing I can say to ease your pain, I felt totally out of control waiting to hear if our lo's sw liked us and wanted to go further. I was frantically checking my emails for news and my head was in a spin. Like you I couldn't concentrate on work or do anything but think of lo!!

Stay strong, it all sounds very positive so far. Luckily for us it all went our way and lo is home with us now. If they are meant to be your children then they will be


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## Dreams do come true

Thanks Waterkerfuffle....I hope  story ends like yours!  

Had a call from SW, LOs SW has been called out on an emergency but is going to call ours on Monday - mor ewaiting, more tears   Roll on Monday, I never ever thought I'd say roll on Monday!


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## Unconditional-love

*Hi to all of you ladies,*

*Love this site, there are so many inspirational storys.*

*cantwait, really hope this speeds up for you and you get the answers you need and deserve  hope monday hurrys!!*

*margx, how was your 1st prep day, we have ours 20th nov.*

*flash, glad your prep is going well, i am very nervous!*

*waterkerfuffle, so happy your enjoying your LO, i bet he's going to be so spoilt by your family and friends for his 1st xmas with his forever family.  *

*Snapdragon, Hi Just a question if you can help, we received our paperwork today such as crb forms medical forms and the expression of interest form, the expression of interest form states to write down 3 refrences one of who maybe a family member, it also states that if there are 2 applicants we may give the same references for both of us. *
*So it looks like 3 references are sufficient for the both of us. However i dont really understand as we were told 2 references each plus one each from a family member. Total of 6..*

*AFM, I have been having a few back problems of late and i am very worried about my medical, i have had an xray and bloods and all has come back fine. My gp has refered me to see a muscalo skeletal specialist to give me some reasurance as i am well and truly stressing out, and in a panic thinking something will be wrong and our adoption will be stopped.*
*Does anyone know if muscle problems could effect adopting, i can still do my day to day things, i still work and so on, i just get uncomfortable at times. Think it may be muscle spasms or a pinched nerve.*

*Prep course 20th 21st october..not long to go now!!*


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## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: its 3 references in total, so we had my husband's sister, an old school friend of my husbands and an old family friend of mine. Obviously they all have to know both of you. They prefer people that have known you for a long time, have children of their own and have seen you with children. Having said that one of ours hasn't seen us with children. They visit all referees if they live close enough so we had 2 visited at home and one telephone interview as they lived too far.

Flash123: We saw photos straight away. Must admit I would have found it difficult to wait to panel.

We have been doing our part of the matching report today as it has to be in next Thursday. The children's sw is pretty hopeless. She has had 2 months to do it but apparently forgot and so we only got it today. It says in the report that we have the up to date CPR which we don't and the medical advisor's summary which I didn't even know existed. We have finished lo's bedroom and getting excited though its still 2 months to intros.


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## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: just to add I've seen the questions they ask the referees and they are quite easy to answer, eg describe their personalities, how are they with children etc, nothing intrusive.


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## newmum

Can't wait awww sending you loads of hugs and I so hope Monday comes round quick for you

Unconditional love I've got a bag back also and having physio I've got my medical check soon so can let you know. Thinking about it my SW did give me a funny look when I mentioned it think or did I imagine it?  I will ask her next visit

Nm2b x


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## nutmeg

CWTBAM : Try and keep yourself as busy as possible over the weekend and think positively (((()))) Try not to think the worse and upset yourself so (easier said than done I know).

Snap : sorry things aren't going as straightforwardly as they should but yay for starting to get excited. What date is MP?

Flash : We got a photo with the CPR although we were told we wouldn't see a photo until further down the line. Because the photo on our CPR was of a 2 month old baby, SWr felt it was rather a generic "ooh look there's a baby" photo so included it. I admit I would find it very difficult to not have a photo to see - it's so much part of the initial bonding and helps to make things feel more real.

Unconditional : I'm sure you're medical will be fine; a muscular problem that doesn't stop you working should not affect your PAR.

Good to hear from you Watakerfuffle.

Hope everyone else is well, enjoy your weekends. By the time the weekend is over it won't be long until we meet LOs sw'r      (not that I'm wishing the weekend away - well maybe a smidge   )


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## snapdragon

Nutmeg: matching panel is 4 weeks today. Good luck with your meeting.


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## Loubieloo

Don't ya just hate it wen ur  about to post and then delete it by mistake  
Anyway try again hi everyone  hope u all ok xx 
Like u nutmeg am too wishing the weekend away! As we meet lo sw next week.... Keep having vivid dreams what they r going to ask us god I hope it's all things we can answer!! And I get soo tongue tied wen I am nervous lol!! Like all of u just want this to happen soooooooooooo much but what will b will b x have a fab weekend guys enjoy xxxxxxxxx


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## Dreams do come true

Thank you everyone! I've stopped moping around now! Nothing I can do but wait,  and shop. I want to show the social worker we are serious about 2 children so I have purchased another cot, changing unit (this one was an Ebay bargain) today to keep me positive and am going to neutrally decorate it this weekend. I'll colour it in and accessorise when we know if gods on our side. One room is finished and perfect for a boy or a girl, the other one is going to be shabby chic for a boy or a girl depending on what happens.

Loubieloo and Nutmeg - eeeeeeek! I've never wished a weekend away before, but I hope it flys by. This time next week you'll what's what! 

Snapdragon - Matching panel before Christmas, that will be amazing 

NW2B - Good luck with your medical x 

Unconditional love - I'm sure your medical will be fine, try not to worry about it, you'll send yourself crazy. Enjoy prep, the journey well and truly starts after that  

watakerfuffle - Thank goodness I'm not the only one! I hope LO is settling in well and that you're loving being a mummy, which you clearly are  

Flash - We've seen profiles our all of the profiles we've seen (10), all from different LAs. Hope you're enjoying prep x

Margx - I hope day 1 went well 

Lots of love and luck to everyone x x


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## margx

Well first day of prep was fine and really don't know what I was stressing about   Was really informal and everyone was so nice. totally drained now though and have come home with a banging headache, probably due to the fact that I was stressing out so much last night that I hardly slept  
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend and that it goes quickly for those waiting for Monday. 
Marg x


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## Frangipanii

Evening everyone! 

Marg.....so glad prep went great. Makes me feel better about our upcoming course!x

Cant wait.....wow sounds so exciting. Cant believe u r doing the nurseries thst is amazing. What advice do the sw's suggest when iy comes to preparing the house. We are moving before(fingers crossed we get approved)  approval and just curious as to when I should start. We have decided whicb too rooms to use so that is a start.Very exciting time for you x x 

Louieblou...keeping my fingers crossed for you that this weekend goes quick!!

And you nutmeg.  so exciting!!Hope it goes well. 

Snapdragon....hope paper work is going well. Short of knowledge on jargon what does cpr mean?

Unconditional love...I cannot believe at all that medical will be a problem. I realise i hsve nothing to base this one but just wanted you to have my opinion!! wishing luck for a back recovery!!


Afm  . ......having a sober friday as taking my cousins son to a swimming lesson tomorrow.and off out for a very long day watching rugby on sunday!!! Not much else to report..we have agreed on 0-4. (hopefully it will get that far)oh and of course siblings. We kinda told our sw thst and she said unfortunately for the children that there is not a shortage of that category.(sounds awful and felt bad even typing that).
living and breathing adoption and moving house at the moment!!! Career is on hold which can be awfully boring but should have lots of voluntary work nd with the house move thst will be very time consuming!!
Kinda of a BORING message tonight so very sorry but like to stay involved

much forever family love to all xxx


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## Poppets Mammy

Just a quick one to say hello, Im back in the UK  

CWTBM - I know exactly how you feel, we are going through the same thing. Keep imaging LO and saying 'When they come home etc..' or 'I wonder if they like...' Its so easy to let your thoughts and feelings run away with you once you find a profile that fits. Weve only seen the one profile so dont have any to compare to like yourself, so dont know whether we would feel the same towards other profiles. But this waiting to find out whether we are the chosen couple or not is very hard. Managed to find out that the matching meeting we have been waiting for was scheduled for today, but no news as yet, and looks like they'l be no news till atleast Monday now. Its so difficult, it was so exciting at first but now its just limbo and like a distant dream that might hopefully come true. I know Ive read in other ppls stories about this time and how its difficult and little hurdles make you feel like it wont ever happen, but yet it does and is amazing in the end so Im hanging on to that at the min. Let be strong and positive together, we'll get there soon. Hoping we both get good news on Monday and we can both go shopping crazy, lol. Found myself looking at little outfits while in Canada and thinking 'Oh just if we knew I could buy this'. Its very difificult.     

We've had a really rocky travel home with bouts of bad luck one after the other, so here's to hoping theres an end to it and our luck turns around over the weekend ready for the new week ahead.


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## cookies81

Hello to all you wonderful ladies    I'm not sure I belong here as my situation is very different from yours and I'm not British I'm from a muslim country in Africa and adoption there is nothing like what you guys r experiencing first there is the social stigma as all the children in the orphanage where abanded as babies by unwed mothers and second of all there is no adoptin agency or social workers to help you you just go and apply and a week or 2 later your a parent. My point is ( if anyone is still reading) I have noone to guide me with this process no prep cours no home study no counseling and I'm scared I've closed the door on treatment as I can't handle no more and me and dh talked about adoption a few months later I was contacted by a friend and told about beautiful twin girls that were found abounded in a box after debating with my husband for a couple of weeks we went to see the girls their health had become really bad and they were just skin and bones one was in the hospital I only got a pic or her the other one was unresponsive didn't cry or move her arms or anything I was shocked with the level of care the children were kept in their beds all day and ha only 3 diaper changesu husband was put of by the experience and shut the door on adoption the day bore we flew back ( we work in the middle east) I begged my husband d to go back and to give some donations but I really wanted to see the baby we went the baby was the same one in te hostel still there te other still looking suck but I felt her checks where fuller I held her close to my cheast to warm her ( she was wrapped an old towel) and talked to her for a long time she then turned her had and looked me in the eyes deeply then a got the sweetest gift a smile   then she tried to touch my face with her poor thin hands  when we got back home I couldn't stop thinking about her sweet face and how she reacted after being stimulated and talked to my husband about reopening the door to adoption well a couple of weeks later yesterday to be exact he said lets do it instead of the excitement I expected to feel I got scared and had an anxiety attack I'm I ready I wasn't prepared like you wonderful ladies our society thinks poorly of these children was I going to be a good mom maybe I couldn't have kids for a reason all those dark thoughts plz help me guide me is it normal to feel 
scared or is this not for me


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## cookies81

I apologize for the Long dark post and if it's in the wrong place I'm sure the mods will redirect me to  right one


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## Flash123

Awww cookies, I didn't want to read and run. I am just leaving to go on our final day of prep but I will post when I get home. Sending you hugs for now ((((())))))) xx


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## Frangipanii

Cookies,Obviously the situation is  very differnt and awfully sad, but honestly the yearning to be a mum and thr love you hold in your heart is the same.  I think you need to consider the prospect of learning to mother while you are doing it. There is obviously the complete devaststion of the circumstances, but what is better than adopting a child whose life is a flip between a family a death. Our situstions are differnet the children here if not adopted they are fostered and cared for in everyway. I think this is the time in your life where one road is closed - ivf and if the decision is to adopt the strive forward and save life  With confidence that you can learn. I do feeel for you it must be so hard. As for the social stigma,easy for me to say... but ignore it. Life is life and love has no social boundaries!!
You have a lot to consider but you need to be strong and tough with yourself and realise the rest will follow. I will be thinking of you and send you much much love and I hope you find the right decision for you and your husband. 

xxxx


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## daisy0609

Ladies can I pick your brain? We have been asked to start a pen picture and I'm just wondering what kind of things you put in it about yourself to try n get me started! We have also been asked to start a family book and again what kind of things did you put in that?we have been told to aim it at the age of child we are going for but I think it might be slightly hard because we are hoping to be matched for 0-2. Can't decide if I'm having a oh my god moment or if I'm worrying about things much more than I should be! Any help would be greatly appreciated 

X


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## Poppets Mammy

Cookies - your post is so touching, what a shame about all those little babies, so sad to hear. I think if you and DH are both keen to adopt you should go for it. Not only will you gain the family you earn for you will also be providing a loving home to babies who desperately need it. With some tender loving care and interaction those babies will respond very quickly to you both just like how you experience on your last visit. Our prep course and Hs prepare us for caring for adopted children but it doesn't teach us how to be a parent, we will all have to learn that when the time comes. Just think most ppl who become pregnant naturally are just as anxious as becoming parents and they learn 'on the job' so the speak. The anxiety is normal, don't let that put you off.

In terms of support, is there not a UK based website/support charity for this type of adoption. There was a program recently about UK ppl adopting abroad, it's not that uncommon, there must be someone you can talk to. But of course ppl on here will help where they can. Good luck to you both. What a wonderful thing for you to do  

Daisy - Our social worker did ours so sorry can't help I'm afraid. I'm sure some of the others have done their own and will be along to help. Don't panic though, it's a basic summary of you both and almost an advert. Lol, good luck


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## cookies81

Can't wait, frangipani and flash thank you so much my panic attack has eased a bit reading your encouraging posts


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## Little Miss Giggles

Hi Cookies,
A lot of the info we get in our prep group is about the importance of understanding about attachment diffilculties in adopted children. This explains the behavious you have described of the babies you saw. Also the importance of children understanding about their past as it's part of their identity and helps them to feel happy with who they are. Something which will be much harder for you if nothing is know about the childrens families. I would highly recomend you read as much as you can about attachment, there are loads of really good books. 
As for social stigma, you need to be happy with what you are doing. All children deserve a chance in life, no matter where they come from. As long as you believe that too then you will be proud of what you are doing rather than let other peoples thoughts tarnish what you think of adopting. 
Good Luck
LMG


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## cookies81

Thank you little miss giggles can u plz give a name  or two So I can order it online


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## Little Miss Giggles

Hi Cookies,

The best book I have read about attachement is "Attachment handbook for foster care and adoption" by Gillian Schofield and Mary Beek. It is quite a big book and very detailed, took me a long time to read as I kept having to stop and think to digest it all. Another good book we were recommended on our prep group is "Why love matter" by Sue Gerhardt. Its all about brain development and why care during the early months is essential for childrens development. It is quite techinical and I found I had to stop trying to remember which part of the brain was responsible for what as that doesn't really matter to me as a potential parent. However the effects of appropriate care during these early years does s that's all I worried about.

LMG


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## Flash123

Morning cookies, I totally mirror what the other ladies have said. If you feel adoption is for you then you go for it. I know it is so much easier said than done but you may need to say  b****r to all the other things like social stigma. You will be your lo advocate. You may need to fight tooth and nail to get what they need so be prepared for a fight lol. 

if you decide it is for you then I think preparation and research is the key. To be honest, our prep course  and home study have been very valuable and even at times enjoyable but I have learnt nothing that I couldnt have learnt through reading. you know those little ones are going to have issues and as little miss giggles said I think that reading about the possible affect that their early experiences can have on their development and then ultimately your parenting is pivotal. Dan Hughes is another attachment expert and I did enjoy reading 'the boy who was raised as a dog' ( utterly bizarre title I know!!!) by dr Bruce parry. There are also a myriad of websites than specialise in nurture, early attachment and the impact it has on child and brain development.

Take care flash x


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## snapdragon

Having now read the matching report I am a bit worried. The birth parents have specified they want lo to be christened. In the cpr (the old one, we still don't have the updated one so the wording could have changed) it said they understood it might not be possible and wish for lo to be bought up with Christian values but this bit isin't mentioned. We wish for lo to make up his own mind and wouldn't agree to Christen him but only to bring him up with Christian values. I know panel have to take account of bp's views on religion so a bit concerned this could be a problem.


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## someday

I think they take them into account to a certain degree but I really don't think it will be a problem. I would try not to worry. Also if you are as far as this it obviously isn't a problem.xxx


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## bluebabe

Just bookmarking girls xx


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## skyblu

HI Ladies, sorry I have been AWOL for a while, but I have been finding this waiting hard and decided to take time out, which also has been hard as I wanted to keep updated as to what was happening with everyone.
I can see there are a lot of newbies here, so hi everyone 
I have a lot to catch up on and will look back another time.

cwtbam - I am so sorry you are feeling so emotional and still waiting if these lo's are for you. Try and keep busy and do something nice for your self while you have the time.

AoC - What  is happening with you? Last time I saw your post there was a possible link, did this work out for you?

Newmum2b - how are thing going with you?

Sorry I can't really remember where any more of you were in your journey, but I have been thinking of you all.

AFU- we are still waiting, still no profiles to look at. We had the be my parent magazine in the post on Saturday from our SW and there is a lo in there that we are very intrested in. Our SW is coming to see us tomorrow to get more info on the lo. Has anyone on here dealt with be my parent or have had a child with them. I am so excited about the lo but hubby is a little worried as there are mental health in the family back round but the lo is meeting all milestones and is healthy with a good routine, this has to be a good thing .........is'nt it?
Also I think there will be a lot of adopters after this lo.

Any way , what will be will be. My god this is so hard.

Night night
Skyblu.xxx


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## GERTIE179

Skyblu - hang in there and fingers crossed this LO works out for you.
I've only enquired through BMP/CWW but some families are made this way otherwise they would not continue.

Love to all - been following your stories but like SB I've had to take done time out as this part has been the most difficult by far! 
X x


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## AoC

Hey Skyblu.    *waving*  I'm a bad poster at the moment, hideously busy with redundancies and restructuring at work, as well as all the adoption stuff, so not keeping up on FF!  Yes, our link is working out.  We go to matching panel on 22nd Nov, and intros start on the 26th.    We adore him already, even though we've never met.  Can't wait to get him home with us.

I hope your potential link works out!  Yes, the fact that he's thriving is a great sign!  You need to know more specifics about the MH issues - are they ones they expect to be inherited?  Remind your DH that a third of us all will develop MH issues at some stage in our lives - I certainly have had my fair share! - so his family background is only part of the puzzle.  

We spent Sat with friends who have twins just a few months younger than our boy - so fab cuddling, playing and nappy changing!

Bring it on.


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all, at work now so chance to catch up    although I am feeling VERY distracted and struggling to get things done so I thought I'd pop on here!
Ooh just to get you all jealous - I've done nearly all my Christmas shopping (and I have a very large family) and lots of it is wrapped   

AOC - I can't believe how close you are now, you must be ready to burst.
Hello Skyblu & Gertie - sorry things are taking such a long time, hang on in there (()) Your LOs are waiting for you.
CWTBAM - how are you now?
Snap - I'm sure it will be fine or they would have discussed it with you earlier, surely?
Cookies - wow what a journey for you and I certainly don't envy te journey you're yet to go on, but you've had lots of great advice already and I can only agree with pp's.

AFU - Thursday is nearly here, thinking positively but not too positively is hard! Nursery has been cleared out of all DDs clothes and is looking just lovely again (apart from all the presents in, on and under the wardrobe).
x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Another delay  

Getting frustrated now, I guess I've been spoilt by the speed and efficiency of our VA! Calm, need to stay calm, it's only our life they've got in their hands, nothing major!!!!!!  

 

RANT OVER!

Calmness resumed


----------



## someday

I emailed our SW today as we haven't received our approval letter yet. She said she received it by email today so we should get it in the next day or two. She asked if we wanted her to come and see us as she had been thinking about it anyway. I said there was no need unless she wanted to. I haven't had a reply since. I really only want to see her when she has a match as I might break down before that! I will prob cry then anyway! I am finding this waiting very difficult. I know it is just almost 4 weeks and some of you ladies have been waiting a lot longer but patience is wearing thin.


----------



## Unconditional-love

Just a question regarding, the expression of interest form which we have to fill in to take to our prep training, they want to know every address and job vacancy since the age of 16, dh's is straight forward however i have lived in many places and had many jobs over the past 22 years its only the past 5 years i've settled down, is it really neccessary to include evey single job and address even if some have only been for a matter of months..to be honest i doubt i remember the numbers and postcodes of every address.  
sorry about the me post just trying to get our paper work sorted out.
xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Unconditional-love said:


> Just a question regarding, the expression of interest form which we have to fill in to take to our prep training, they want to know every address and job vacancy since the age of 16, dh's is straight forward however i have lived in many places and had many jobs over the past 22 years its only the past 5 years i've settled down, is it really neccessary to include evey single job and address even if some have only been for a matter of months..to be honest i doubt i remember the numbers and postcodes of every address.
> sorry about the me post just trying to get our paper work sorted out.
> xxx


Hi Unconditional love,

We had to and it was a pain in the bum but worth it (hopefully).

Good luck


----------



## Dreams do come true

someday said:


> I emailed our SW today as we haven't received our approval letter yet. She said she received it by email today so we should get it in the next day or two. She asked if we wanted her to come and see us as she had been thinking about it anyway. I said there was no need unless she wanted to. I haven't had a reply since. I really only want to see her when she has a match as I might break down before that! I will prob cry then anyway! I am finding this waiting very difficult. I know it is just almost 4 weeks and some of you ladies have been waiting a lot longer but patience is wearing thin.


Someday.... 

It's TOOOOORTURE isn't it?!

Have you seen any profiles yet? x


----------



## newmum

Unconditional
I was the same as you and still working on it now with SW 

It is a pain but hopefully be worth it x


----------



## Ourturn

Unconditional Love....that's going to be a nightmare!  
Guys when I was at Uni my home (mother's) address remained my permanent address do I list that? I can get hold of my halls of residence but can't remember the name of the house I shared?


----------



## newmum

Our turn I was a student for 7 years and had summer jobs in the holidays then when I graduated travelled round running pubs and my SW has asked for everything

It's so difficult because I had trouble remembering house numbers and post codes. With the post codes I have had to look up on the Internet

I would ask what she wAnts but guess its everything
Good luck x


----------



## liveinhope

Wish me luck ladies.  We have a visit next Thursday about our son's baby brother coming home to us too.  So nervous.... please let my dream come true again


----------



## Little Miss Giggles

Our turn - I found street view on google maps a life saver for remembering where I lived as a student. But a word of advice, keep the info for yourself as well as you'll be asked for it again and it's a pain having to go through the whole info finding process twice!!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi Everyone, 

Hope your all ok? 

We have approval panel tomorrow I'm so nervous not sure I'll sleep tonight lol

I'll pop by tomorrow and give you the verdict  

Hugs xxxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Have been in bed with full-on flu so haven't yet caught up on everyone's news, just thought I'd better bookmark. I honestly cannot remember feeling this rough. Been in bed for 4 days 

We've had a few more profiles, siblings well beyond our age range and siblings that are at top end. These two are beautiful but there are location issues which we think are going to rule us out. Even though they were older than we were really thinking about we were both so drawn to them. We just hope that their forever family are out there as they are wonderful.

Take care everyone x


----------



## skyblu

Our Turn - my dh lived and moved many times as a child/teenager and he had to list every address from birth and every job he ever did, even if it was a summer job for a few weeks/months. It was a right pain in the  Make sure you make a copy for your selves as I am sure your SW will misplace it or you will need the same info again.

Emma1605 - good luck for panel tomorrow. 

AFU - Our SW doesn't want us to go ahead with the lo in the be my parent paper as ( 1.) We need to be with them for 6 months before looking elsewere
(2.) She thinks lo family will have major MH issues as a baby of that age wouldn't be in that paper if lo wasn't hard to place.
(3.) There are a few children of the age range we are going for coming through the system and should be ready end of January and would rather we hung fire until then.
She has agreed that if we are not matched by February then we can go on the national reg.

It is so frustrating as this lo was so well matched as far as looks go. Cant help feeling disappointed, but what can we do!!!!

AoC - I am so pleased your lo worked out and good luck on the intros. 
As far as MH goes, I know what you mean, I have had my fair share of it as well. 
But dh being the way he is always thinks of the worst case, so he wont get disappointed and is a great relive if he is wrong, if you know what i mean!!!

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Belliboo

Just for those finding the waiting hard we waited 7 months for our match & I can honestly say he's the perfect match & so worth the wait people even say he looks like me so as hard as it is trust your sw as I feel they do things behind closed doors to get you the perfect match.


Is there anyone going for adoption a 2nd time our little one has been with us a year now & we are hoping to get a sibling for our little one just wondered what process is & if there a potentially birth siblings on the horizon does anyone know what the timescales are like & what age did the sibling come to you at , however  if the rumours aren't true we are hoping to try for a unrelated sibling after Christmas so would be useful to know timescales if anyone can help xxxx


----------



## peacelily

Good luck today Emma1605!


Belliboo, I don't know the process for birth siblings, but there are definitely others on here that have done this so hopefully they can help.  We were told we had to wait until DS was 5 and had therefore started school, but we said we would like a second child placed before he started school, so made our second application around his 3rd birthday.


Peacelily xx


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: sorry yes is the answer. found this really hard myself, I ended up with 3 pages of addresses. I couldn't remember some of the house nos and left them blank then had a call from admin asking for them, ended up looking on google earth and guessing.

Sent our part of the matching report to our sw yesterday asking for the updated cpr and medical advisor's summary. Not heard anything and getting stressed as signed copies of both their report and ours need to be with panel by Thursday. Dh is refusing to sign until we have everything. We were supposed to get the updated cpr when lo's sw visited us beginning Sept so she has had plenty of time to do it.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Belliboo.....Like PL just mentioned there are restrictions when starting the assessment for a 2nd child (who is not a birth sibling). We have found that most la's will insist on at least a 2 year age gap between your child and any further children joining you (this doesn't apply to birth siblings). We waited until our little man was 3 (and with us just over 2 years) before starting the process again, but many la's wanted us wait a little longer than this as even with a 3 year old they said that we were still not eligible for the whole of their youngest age bracket.
They differ greatly, but I have to admit that so far we have found it harder than expected to even be taken on for our 2nd assessment    (totally bonkers in my opinion!) due to having an adopted child to consider already. 
We are still right at the beginning of the process for a 2nd child so hopefully we can share our journey together   

Emma....lots of luck for today!  

Anj x


----------



## Ourturn

Good luck Emma!


----------



## snapdragon

good news, our sw is dropping updated cpr and medical report arond today. Feeling less stressed now.


----------



## newmum

Good luck Emma


----------



## Flash123

Snapdragon- glad to hear sw are playing ball. Hope you manage to get everything sorted by thurs

Emma - good luck

Hi everyone else

Afu - things have gone really quiet at the mo. after intensive work for several weeks our sw is starting to write our par. She doesn't want to see us till she knows what gaps we have to fill and it seems really strange doing nothing so i am itching to get started on things in the house. 

Take care all xx


----------



## snapdragon

Flash: its so strange when you've got nothing to do, I remember when our sw went away to write up.

Skyblu: sorry to hear about the lo you read about. I think your sw is right though, there must be a lot of issues for such a young child to be in the paper. Hopefully one of the lo's coming up in Jan will be a good match.

Greeniebop: we had to turn a lo down due to location of birth parents, its difficult but sometimes these things can't be helped.

Ourturn: for uni I just put Essex uni student accomodation for the first yr(no specific address). Got in a right mess trying to remember student houses and would have been better off just saying sudent accomodation for all 3 years.

Emma: hope it went ok

Someday: hope you get some news soon


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

Well we did it  we're approved  we got a unanimous yes!!! 

We're so happy it feels unreal hehe

Hope everyone is ok? 

Hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Flash123

WOOOHOOOO Emma - Fantastic news - hope your wait is short and sweet.

Skyblu - Sorry to hear about the lo's and I really hope the lo's your sw has mentioned are for you. I can't begin to imagine how hard the wait is. xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Emma1605 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Well we did it we're approved  we got a unanimous yes!!!
> 
> We're so happy it feels unreal hehe
> 
> Hope everyone is ok?
> 
> Hugs xxxxxx


So happy for you mummy 2 be!!!!!!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you flash and can't wait it feels so unreal at the mo its not sunk in yet lol xxx


----------



## AoC

Congratulations, Emma!!!


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Emma

Our SW visited today with little brother's PAR and a photo.  He is the image of our LO. Our social worker seems to think we've nothing to worry about and that they'll be placed together.  Lets hope she's right


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you aoc and liveinhope xxx

liveinhope ive got my fingers crossed for you honey xxx


----------



## Flash123

Oh livinginhope, tht would be lovely. Wow what a year you've had! I


----------



## watakerfuffle

Congratulations Emma


----------



## newmum

Wow congratulations Emma 


Living in hope that sounds perfect fingers crossed

I am waiting for SW to turn up for our HS I've got my 3rd interview
She's always late though! And I start to get nervous wondering where she is.

Nm2b x


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations Emma   

Liveinhope - that sounds amazing   

Waiting to hear from our SWr, Los SWr is visiting us tomorrow at 10am and our SWr was supposed to be coming to see us this week to go through our questions - no sign as of yet


----------



## Arrows

Our turn, my lifeline for addresses was amazon delivery details as never deleted old addresses!


----------



## Ourturn

Emma congrats! 


Arrows Amazon did not exist when I was at Uni, neither did mobile phones and laptops where a rarity as they cost over £1000....that's how long ago it was! 


Snap dragon thanks, will pop down the Hall of Residence for the 4 years but explain I spent a term abroad and list the Uni there.


----------



## Belliboo

Emma congratulations on being approved, one step closer 

Nutmeg hope all goes well tomorrow meeting LO sw, 

Liveinhope what a perfect situation bet you can't wait to hear more, how old will the baby be when they move in

Thanks for your replies the LA we used said we can apply after Christmas as we just need 2 year age gap between little ones so hoping to start then but going to enjoy the Christmas period first 

Hope everyone else is ok too xxx


----------



## Flash123

ourturn - all i can say is that if i was a sw i would want someone who was going to fight for their child and who could get through the tough times. My lord you have proved that. You will have so much compassion and empathy with what a child in the care system is/has gone through, your lo's will be very lucky indeed. I should imagine they will explore your experiences in quite abit of detail to see if you have any 'unresolved' issues (they are always throwing that phrase around!)  but the fact you can put your Mum's condition before your own feelings speaks volumes. xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Firstly - congratulations Emma its a treat feeling idnt it?

Nutmeg - fingers crossed for you

Liveinhope - wow oh wow what a perfect situation. hope all goes well! 

Our turn - I echo the earlier post. The very fact you have been do resilient is excellent. Just be prepared for them to fully ask to ensure no unresolved issues.
Your history sounds a bit like one of my dear friends. When she gave birth hued midwife and HV had her under intense scrutiny in case she became very depressed or other. Thankfully fine. I know it annoyed her immensely but she grinned n geared it thinking it would be over soon and she could get on with being a great mummy. I know it's not the same but thought it may help you in a small way x

Love to all - thinking of you x


----------



## Ourturn

Thanks, I'm sure ill hear that phrase a lot with the miscarriages and my dysfunctional childhood! I had some counselling over my mother after last mc. Quite frankly people have had nervous breakdowns over far less. If i was going to flip id have done it years ago. I'm not worried about her me but her. I'm sure they'll want to interview her, just hope it doesn't send off on one......she doesn't take we'll to being criticised!


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
we are brand new to the thread and are just at the beginning of the beginning of the adoption road.
i am looking forward to keeping a close eye on all the comings and goings and will hopefully be able to help out on the thread too if i'm able. we used to use the crgw fertility thread quite a bit, but as things didn't workout as hoped we have moved on and are taking a new path in life, one that if sucessfull , we're sure will be as evey bit as fullfilling.
thats me for now, i just wanted to give us a quick introduction and wish you all the greatest of luck with your own travels.

farm boy..


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone and welcome farm boy.

The cold I was suffering from has turned into full blown flu so am off work this week the good news is that our letter arrived today confirming that we are officially approved 

I hope you are all well. Once up and about again I will make a real effort to catch up on everyone's news.

Greenie x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Still waiting, whenever anyone says on adoptionuk that they have a potential link, I worry it's for the little ones we want. I'm losing my mind. The wait is getting harder.


----------



## Flash123

Can'twait - stay strong.  The la we are with is out of our area so they are hoping to place one of their own with us. On our prep course there was a couple in the same situation as us, wanting the same age as us but they are going to panel the month before us. Daft I know but all I could think of is 'I hope they don't have our baby'  ....so I can only imagine how you are feeling now you are so emotionally attached to these lo's. I have everything crossed for you xx

Greenie- it's official - wooooohooooo. Hope your feeling better soon xl


----------



## Ourturn

Farm boy we are about to go to the info evening, so sounds like we're at the same stage!

Can'twait  fingers crossed you're not waiting much longer

Greenie get better soon   I now get the flu jab every year as I always managed to catch it at least once a year.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone...have modified my original post just in case SW's look at this site....sure they are way too busy, but anyway..


----------



## nutmeg

A quick me post, apologies but need to get back to work. Just met LOs swr and all seemed to go well and positively    We will know definately tomorrow but it's looking very hopeful that our little girl will be home in the new year eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek bouncy bouncy bouncy!!!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Amazing nutmeg. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. 

I have progressed from bed to sofa!!!! Living on the edge!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - I know exactly how you feel. The matching meeting we've been waiting for was postponed today AGAIN due to sickness, no idea when it will be held. It's so frustrating and upsetting. We are back in limbo, I'm getting more attached to the idea of our LO as time goes on and I'll be heartbroken if we don't get her. This is so hard, knowing about a LO and waiting and waiting is Deff the hardest part so far. Feel miserable


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi ladies. Not been on for ages! Not much going on, house move has hit a blip in the road but should be sorted, organised some voluntary work with young ones and their parents and cant wait!!Just waiting for a crb. Hubby is a bit challenged on the idea of the children having issues in the future, i think it is a hard concept when u try and think of all these children will have been through. But in my mind problems arise with children whether related by dna or not!!! Think i may of been harping on to much about the baggage rather than talking about the rewards!

just a question....do you think sw's ever come on here and read this! Not that I have anything to hide of course!! Just curious!!!

Anyway sorry for me post buy on phone and hubby is waiting for me!

Also is anyone else looking to adopt siblings? What considerations have u made regarding this?


fx  

best wishes to you all.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can't Wait said:


> CWTBM - I know exactly how you feel. The matching meeting we've been waiting for was postponed today AGAIN due to sickness, no idea when it will be held. It's so frustrating and upsetting. We are back in limbo, I'm getting more attached to the idea of our LO as time goes on and I'll be heartbroken if we don't get her. This is so hard, knowing about a LO and waiting and waiting is Deff the hardest part so far. Feel miserable


Can'twait - it's crap isn't it?! I feel miserable as well, I broke down today at work of all places  Another message from our SW saying that LOs SW is off today, she will chase again tomorrow - it's absolute torture, I love these children so much already...I have not stopped thinking about it all day and a work friend came up and asked if I knew anything yet....I couldn't stop crying, which is not great as I am quite a senior roll at work and I should be strong and lead by example 

People keep saying if it's meant to be it will be, and I repeat it to 'pretend' that I am being strong....when in actual fact I think that's rubbish, it's like when people say you'll get pregnant when you relax and stop stressing. AAAAAAAAAARGH!

Can'twait....PRAYING that we get the news/info we both want VERY VERY soon x x x


----------



## bluebabe

Frangipani I don't know if sw read this but if they did I would be hung drawn and quartered   


We adopted siblings wanted two because I didn't want to have an only child xx its working out fine for us so far xx


----------



## Frangipanii

ah thanks for that bluebabe!! Hoe long have your lo's been with you and can i ask how old they are. We would like a boy and a girl-are we allowed to say that!!! So hard to know what is pc or not.
As for social workers reading this surely thst is morally wrong and they have better things to do but there is a little suspicion in my head!! oh dear hope thread doesnt go quiet now....ha ha x x x


----------



## bluebabe

We've had them four months now, they are currently 18 months and almost three xx


----------



## Frangipanii

wow, what lovely ages!!! cant wait! xx


----------



## galaxy girl

Bookmarking ! Don't post much any more but like keeping up with everyone! Life good here.


----------



## VEC

Just butting in quickly.

Frangipani, I would bet that social workers do look at this site occasionally, in the same way that clinics look at the IVF threads.  some of the social workers who look on here may well be members with their own IF issues, and some may well look on here to get a feel for any issues that are arising - not specific to any adopters, but in general terms.  If they actually have any spare time, which I suspect is pretty lacking for most social workers.  As FF is a public site, anyone (social workers and colleagues included) can look on here, which means that all members should be careful to write only that which they are happy to be in the public domain and if relevant, excluding information which would lead to them being identified.  And with adoption, there are additional considerations which mean discretion should sometimes be exercised.

Very best of luck to you all. My fingers are in knots at the moment I'm crossing them so hard whilst a couple of you are awaiting matching outcomes.

xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks Vec. It was more of a curiousity rather than a concern. but your answer is a good one!!So thanks. 
Hsving worked witb lots of social workers i would assume free time is not common. But i suppos it is an excellent way to get some idea of feelings about sections of adoption!! And with all the lovely ladies and lovely stories and positive news it certainly makes great reading!!
xx


----------



## AoC

My SW has certainly read on this site (if not this thread) and printed stuff off to show families she's working with!  And we've had discussions about issues I've seen discussed - dealing with attachment, families' reactions etc.  And FF was on my support network, too.  



The key thing is remembering this is wholly in the public domain!


----------



## Frangipanii

Interesting..I suppose you only have to worry if you have something to hide!


----------



## bluebabe




----------



## MrsYG

Hello Girls, I've not been on here for such a long time,  so some of you may not 'know me'... life is so busy with our gorgeous son.  He has been home for 6 months now, and we have received the Adoption Order form the Courts in the last few days.  Woohoo!  He is all ours!  FOREVER!
I have not read up on everyones progress, so I apologise in advance...but just thought I'd come on to say, that Adopting our gorgeous little bundle is the best thing we have ever done.  He is so adorable, funny, clever, loving, charming and beautiful.  We love him so much, he brings us so much joy.  We were lucky that we got a match fairly quickly, and had wonderful SW's so we found the whole process so easy.  It was worth ther wait, the visits and Home Study.... it all just fades away.... now we jjust have to think about all the special cuddles before bedtime, the giggles, the tickles, the tantrums (!!!! haha!!!!!) but most of all our love for each other.  
For those just starting out, or in the middle of HS... keep going, its so worth it... you'll soon have your very own little miracle... you will find each other in time.
    x


----------



## gettina

hi all 
I am generally a lurker on these pages as I am barely off the starting blocks so have little to say but I really wanted to pop on and thank all of you who have now got much loved little ones through adoption for taking the time to come back, whether it's regularly or a rare report in. 
I am so fed up of waiting - it's been nearly a year since my enquiry and I am still months off prep course, while others in other parts of the country are racing ahead  - grrr and time that I initially welcomed as a period to really get my head around a family through adoption sometimes feels more like time for doubts to creep in with wondering whether it could really be worth all this uncertainty and life in limbo etc. Anyway, sorry; just to say it really really helps to keep my spirits up and my direction clear to hear from others loving being a mum. Thank you MrsYG, Galaxy Girl, Agelissa and others whose names escape me this second.
While I'm on, good luck to all of you in the process, waiting to be matched and waiting for your children to come home to you. 
Prep course in Jan so hopefully I will be more of a contributor (and less frustrated) in the not too distant future
gettina x


----------



## Arrows

Mrsyg, that also sums up how I feel.


----------



## peacelily

Arrows - is your DS sleeping better now?


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello Galaxy and Mrs YG, thank you for your updates - I simply echo Gettina's post (hello you lurka you  )

Peacelily (and other dog owners with LO's) - how did you introduce your Dogs to your LO's during intro's?? Just curious as wondering how we will work it. Do we introduce them at home or in the park, one at a time, make a fuss or play it down and do it casually? We have two spaniels, one very calm and quiet, one a little excitable. I just hope the LO isn't scared by them (not that they are scary at all) it's just one of those niggly worries you think about. Any advise welcome. 

Xx


----------



## MrsYG

Can't wait - We were a little worried about introducing the dogs, and ours are really placid too, but do have their mad 5 mins every now and then!  LO had had no contact with animals at all, so we took it very slowly.  We had a babygate on the kitchen door and let him meet them through the gate in his own time... never forced them upon him at all.  Within 5 days he was rolling around the kitchen floor with them.


Initially he would only look and not touch, but gradually his confidence built up and we just let him progress at his own pace... now he loves all animals!


HTH


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Big hugs to all of you waiting to hear about matches.  I must admit it that I was solely focused on being approved and that the rest will 'fall into place'.  While in time it all will, I hadn't really thought about how torturous it could be and I can almost see myself phone checking every 2 minutes.  I really hope that you get good news very soon.  I know there is so much to sort, but keeping you hanging on almost seems cruel.  GOOD LUCK!!!

Thank you to those who have shared their lovely stories about their LOs.  The happiness shines from those posts and makes me so excited for the future.  Keep on doing what you do best - being mummies!

Hi to everyone, hope you have good weekends planned

Our referees have received their questionnaire.  10 questions apparently, the last being 'Is there any reason why you feel x and y should not be considered to adopt a child through our agency?'  So hopefully only 9 for them to answer!!    It is strange thinking that they are filling them out and we have no idea what they will put....!  Eeeek!  We have also been emailed our second lot of homework which is all about us and our relationship together.  I think we will do bullet points separately, then compare and write it together.  Next session on Thursday to finish our family and childhood section, can't wait!

On no adoption related news, some idiot crashed into me on a roundabout today.  He just drifted out of his lane and smashed into me    It was like slow mo, I could see him coming but had nowhere to go so just braced for the impact.  think I will need a new wheel arch, bumper and side panel    Luckily no one was hurt but he refused to admit it was his fault     I do believe I have more important things to be focusing on right now other than an insurance and liability dispute   GRRRRRRRRRRRR..... Ok, rant over


----------



## nutmeg

Lovely to hear from you MrsYG.

Welcome gettina and hello all!

Now, me me me     It's a yes - SWr called at 10am this morning whilst I was in the hairdressers and I could barely stop myself crying and I seriously struggled to breathe. All day I've been starting to cry and feeling so giddy at the same time. I've managed to pull myself together since picking dd up from school and will not be telling her for another couple of weeks so the wait isn't too long for her. So we're meeting FCs on Tuesday and we're off...........oh my oh my oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## snapdragon

Congratulations Nutmeg fantastic news.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks for that Mrs YG, we've already had a gate across the kitchen door for a few months in Preperation. The little one sometimes tries to break out when ever we've used it and the bigger one looks over the top (thankfully she's not ever tried to jump over which she could do easily) what you did is pretty much what we plan to do. Did either your or LO's social worker have a say in how you introduced them, did they want to over see the 1st time they met them, and did you do it during intro's or just once they came home. It's very helpful to hear your experience so thank you.

Fantastic Nutmeg, excellent news. Hope the rest of us join you on cloud 9 very soon. Hating the waiting for news and constant phone checking. I'm going


----------



## Anjelissa

Evening all,

Just a couple of messages as I'm multi-tasking with dinner   
I am once again finding it very hard to keep up with this thread as it's moving so quickly   , all good though as it's due to all the exciting news recently!   

Gettina.....I hope things start moving a bit quicker for you soon, lots of luck for your prep course in January   

Nutmeg....HUGE congratulations! I bet your hairdresser wondered whatever was the matter with you?!  

Lolly....I'm so sorry to hear of your accident today, I hope you manage to get it settled without too much hassle, like you say, it's the last thing you need!

MrsYG....Congratulations on receiving your AO   . I totally agree with everything you've said in your post  
***And to those of you still on your journey to find your lo's who didn't see her post a few messages back, read back and find it  .*** 
It is so very true and although in our case it took decades to be parents, I wouldn't change the journey or our past for a moment as it all lead us to our little man   (worth every bit of the struggle it took!)  

Off to rescue dinner now......Yikes!

Angie x  
PS....re/decades.....I just want to clarify.....no I'm not 60-odd!!   , we've just both wanted children from a very young age!


----------



## nutmeg

Cant Wait - I hope so too (()) I feel awful as my last couple of posts have been very ego centric! But my head is just not in this place at the moment!!

I am reading though, just not much is sinking in. I will be back on track soon everyone.


----------



## newmum

Brilliant news nutmeg congratulations


----------



## peacelily

Fantastic news Nutmeg! 


Can't Wait - we sought help from a dog behaviourist during home study, and he advised us what to do when DS came home.  I'll dig out his email and paste the advice in here when I get a mo.  We put a stair gate on his bedroom to keep the dog out initially, but essentially he has free run of the house (though we weren't entirely honest when telling SW where he sleeps - on the bottom of our bed on a blanket - he's only little   !!).


Peacelily xx


----------



## peacelily

*Hi xxx,*

*Congratulations! Sleep now while you have the chance. I've put a few pointers for you below. The arrival of a baby is good news for a dog, if you remember the consultation, the only thing that matters is that the pack survives. The arrival of a new young pack member strengthens the pack and improves its survival chances.*

*When you get home have dog in another room or area it doesn't matter where, the garden is fine. You may want to just pop in and move him to the selected area when you arrive home but before you bring the baby in. this just gives you a bit of time and space to sort yourself out. You will be bringing baby home, a wholly new experience. You will probably have all the huge amount extra kit that you need for a little one as well as friends and relatives all wanting to see Jnr Injecting dog into that mayhem would only give you something else to worry about. *

*The next stage is introducing dog to your baby. However, this doesn't necessarily need to take place as soon as you get the baby home. In order for the introduction to take place successfully you need to be relaxed and calm, so if you don't feel up to introductions on your first day home, that's fine. When you are feeling ready, I suggest that one parent takes the baby through into the sitting room and sits down and relaxes. Dog can then be brought into the room, on lead, by the other parent or someone the dog is totally happy with. The person with dog can then sit near to the person holding the baby, and just casually chat to one another. The important part of this is to remain calm and happy at all times. If dog is agitated or simply won't settle, then I suggest you take him out and leave him in another room for a little while and then try again. Once you are all able to sit in the room and the dog is settled on lead you can then take it to the next stage.

The person with dog can then get up and move closer to the one holding the baby. The key to this technique is to take everything in small stages. Every time you move closer, let your dog settle before moving even closer to the baby. The stage to aim for is for both people to be seated beside each other with dog settled and relaxed at your feet. At this point you should only let him sniff at the baby's feet rather than getting too close to the baby's head or face, etc.

When the baby makes a noise or cries it is essential that the family stay calm. Remember that a baby's cry is designed to get attention, as a baby's survival depends on being cared for. Do not be surprised if dog becomes agitated when your baby lets rip. If you go to baby without making a huge fuss, he will see that there is nothing to become upset about and will calm down quite quickly. It is very easy to make something of nothing, and once that happens it is very hard to reverse the reaction.

The basis of the method is to communicate with your dog using the language that it understands - "Canine". Once you are both communicating in a universal language, your dog will be able to understand what you request it to do and you should have no concerns about the relationship between dog and child provided you supervise all situations carefully. It should go without saying that no child should be left unsupervised with a dog for any period of time.*


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Peacelily -That's fantastic, thank you very much for sharing that. I'm sure a few of us have found that useful. Just need to adapt that advise from introducing a baby to introducing an active toddler -   

Xx


----------



## Arrows

Yay nutmeg! 

Peacelily,  he's settled into a pattern though not settled totally yet as constant colds or teething haven't helped.

AFU, doing okay and life turned upside down. Our DS is gorgeous and you would not believe how excited I get with every tiny little milestone!


----------



## beachgirl

My first post on the adoption thread after many years on FF, our story is that we got approved at panel in September and went to matching panel in November for our daughter who will be coming home in december......I've not been able to post until now as we've kept our adoption plans very quiet but now we are happy to shout it from the rooftops....


----------



## bluebabe

Congratulations Beachgirl, bet u loved making that announcement.  What a wonderful Christmas present xx


----------



## AoC

WOOOOT!!!  
       

Great news, Beachy!!!


----------



## gettina

Beachgirl! many congratulations to my 'old' fellow thread buddy. Thrilled for you. Happy times ahead...
Wonderful news nutmeg.
Thanks for the welcome folks.
Haha Angelissa  
X


----------



## nutmeg

Fabulous Beachgirl - congratulations   

Arrows - so pleased to hear everything is going so well   

Hope everyone waiting is bearing up okay (())

We're meeting FCs tomorrow morning and we're very excited.


----------



## Ipswichbabe

Good news our s/w has been assigned. Next week, Yeh!!! What do i expect? Is it just a chat? Excited nervous scared!!


----------



## beachgirl

Thank you Gettina, I held off posting but read daily...xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Great news beach girl   Welcome

Good luck and enjoy tomorrow Nutmeg. I'm not barring up too well myself, it's driving me mad. Hope the others are OK. CWTBM, how's things??

Xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Evening ladies 
Hope tomorroe goes well Nutmeg!
Just a quick post tonight..just wanted to say hi. Sending some forms off, nothing exciting. Was wondering whether by next christmas(2013) I would have two extra mouths to cater for. Sw said it could be doneo but wow wouldnt that be special. 
Hope everyone is ok. chins up to thise feeling low and bubbles to those feeling excited!!
xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

To all the ladies who replyed regarding address history, I have managed to find out about 3 quarters of the information i needed, i rang the council tax offices of the areas i've lived in and they kindly told me the addresses postcodes and dates, its been a fantastic help. I recommend anyone searching previous addresses to do this, however do remember to give your maiden name as well or any other known names you may have had.

snapdragon, I have everthing crossed for you, how are things progressing? 

Gettina, Re the pm i sent.. I didn't see you at the clinic i just knew through chatting on the thread that we had an appointment the same morning. I am so shocked at how long ago your initial enquiry was and that you are still at the stage your at. I can imagine how fed up you are with the wait. Has the agency not given a reason for this? I would look into other la's. So far the la we are with seems pretty much on the ball with the speed of things, but i'm sure it wont be a smooth ride as i doubt any adoption process is straight forward.

AFU, we have our first day of prep tomorrow, we have filled in the paper work as best we can. We have to have known our referees for 5 years, however one of them which is joint has only known us for almost 4 years so i hope thats ok. Just received 4 references 1 from my sister 2 from 2 nieces age 13 and 16 and another from my 23year old nephew, they brought tears to me eyes in fact i cried. I don't even think they are needed yet but i have them for when they are, so sweet and so unexpected. Well bed time for me as we have an early start tomorrow. Not that i'll sleep much. I'm nervous but more exited to be at the next stage..  

xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Nutmeg, good luck today!  Will be looking forward to logging on later and reading your news  

Unconditional Love, have fun at your first day of prep!  Prepare to feel very tired tonight!  We really enjoyed ours, I think most people do.  As for referees we also had the same problem.  Collectively one had only known us 4 years - but she was a perfect one as was my old nursery manager so saw me with children day in day out!  So we put her down anyway and SW said that if it is a problem later on down the line she will just telephone an additional separate referee each so we are covered.  But she is hopeful it will be fine as both our parents are being called on as extras and my boss as I work with children.  So plenty of good evidence hopefully!!

Frangi each little step is a step closer and lovely to hear that SW sounds positive!

Congratulations Beach Girl, now get shouting!!!  

Can't Wait and CWTBAM, so sorry that the torture continues, I hope you find out soon, it must be exhausting  

Hi Peanutbutter, have you done prep then?  Is this start of HS or initial interview?  We have session 2 of HS on Thursday.  Our first session was talking about our family and childhoods.  We also had to complete homework prior to this meeting so she had a good overview already.  Session 2 will be about school and education, work and significant ex partners (can't blooming wait  )

Lovely to see this thread buzzing as ever!  Like I say, session 2 Thursday, CRBs to do tonight and medicals to get booked!  Can anyone tell me if medicals are a standard form and check etc or if they vary between GPs?  Not worried but very curious to how it all works!

Thanks everyone! Have lovely days xxxxx

Oh, and man who hit my car is refusing to report it so may have to contact the police, what I really don't want right now


----------



## nutmeg

Lolly - what a nightmare with your car    Re: Medicals - it's a standard form for GPs to fill in but I think they each do different things. For example, my GP asked me if I checked my breasts but said he wasn't about it check them out!

Unconditional - hope you enjoyed prep today.

CantWait, CWTBAM and Gertie - thinking of you all and so hoping things take a upturn very quickly   

AFU - we met FC today and all went really well. She told us all about our daughter and is well experienced and was lovely. We go to MP on 19th Dec and meet dd on 3rd January with her to come home the following week. We simply cannot quite believe things at the moment.


----------



## daisy0609

Congratulations nutmeg bet you are all so excited! 

How nervous am I? Our social worker has given us the number of an adopter to speak to and I'm usually ok with making and taking phone calls but tonight I am a nervous wreck I know I should just get it over and done with! How strange is that?

Hope you are all well ladies and things are going good for the rest of you 

Xxx


----------



## oliver222

Always read but rarely post as no new developments but today I have some news at last. Phoned social work for an update. We have had prep in April and inital interview but waiting on social worker to be allocated for hs. Spoke to the manager for an update and she told me that had been allocated social worker and letter on way. Its male social worker that we have been allocated and will have at least 1 visit before Xmas so I am getting there. I am so pleased.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ladies, the phone call finally came! She's ours, all ours - they picked us. So excited I can't put into words  still have matching panel and meeting FC etc but hopefully she'll be home January. So so so so happy xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Cant wait yeeeeahhh!! So happy for you. X x


----------



## AoC

WONDERFUL news, Can't Wait!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Can't Wait, that is amazing, wonderful, brilliant, exciting, heart warming, fantastic news!!!!!  Congratulations  

Nutmeg, thank you very much for the info!  Hoping we will have them done and dusted by Christmas!  Great news your end, what an amazing year 2013 will turn out to be!!  Very happy for you!

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well!!  We have second HS session tomorrow, yay!  2 weeks had flown, but taken forever to come at the same time.  Hope it goes as well as the first session  

Love to you all


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks Lolly and good luck tomorrow   

Can'tWait - congratulations   

I've been walking around in a delirium all day and talking to dds photos


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

Behind on the posts  Will catch up properly and will be back soon with personals.

Can't wait - Woohooooooo! Is it the LO you found out about in Canada? X

Nutmeg - Amazing! Congratulations xxx

Update from me....Got my call today!   Children social likes the sound of us after reading our PAR, they are gonig to come and meet us (travelling quite far which must be a good sign, right?) - we're the only couple being considered now, which is great as we are so unbelievably in love with these LOs - waiting for a date for meeting, hopefully will get to meet before our holiday on 8th December  

Good luck everyone, I'll be back with more personals soon I promise x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks guys.

CWTBM - Yes, yes it is. 4 weeks after finding out about her we finally know she's ours. That's great news about you Lo's  - sounds very promising! Good luck xx


----------



## beachgirl

Can't wait what fantastic news....you must be over the moon...


----------



## oliver222

Cant Wait congrats thats great news


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations Cant wait!!! xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Please can someone tell me if after the prep course...ours is three days together I will be mentally exhausted as just been offered an oppourtunity the day after but not sure if my brain will be up forit. thinking maybe I will need that next day to really take a  breather and reflect on the course. 
xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Such wonderful things going on - things that make me go all goose-pimply, hoping tht one day soon that will be me posting.

Can't wait, cwtbam, nutmeg and beach girl - wooooooooohoooooooooo!!!!! Fantastic news xx

Hi everyone else (waving)


----------



## Flash123

Sorry frangipani didn't see that post I was on the other page! 
We had 1 day gap between our first and last 2 days, we were shattered but to be honest for us the draining stuff was on the first few days. On the final day we met other adopters so that was nice really. I teach and found it no worse that a normal course. A good glass of wine and I felt much better


----------



## Frangipanii

Cheers Flash!! I thnk maybe i will do both!! I am so lookin forward to it...it will feel like something is finally happening!! xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Cant wait: congratulations, thats a few of us with intros in January. How old is she? I  loose track.

cwtbm: sounds very positive, can't imagine they would drive a long way if they were not really interested.


----------



## blueytoo

Frangipanii, my prep course was two days a week for two weeks. I had to carry on with University course on the other six days including taking exams and it was fine  so I wouldn't worry about it


----------



## Unconditional-love

Frangipanii, we just had 2 days of prep together the first day i was well and truly shattered, the second day we wasn't too bad just drained from everything. But we have both got physical jobs so maybe the sitting down all day made us so tired.

Can't wait, cwtbam, nutmeg & beach girl - Amazing news ...
Hi to everyone else 

*AFU...Prep training..*
Just coming to terms with the past 2 days of preperation training, which i have to say, despite the feeling of being emotionaly drained and shattered we have really enjoyed it. Handed in all forms, just to have medical now.The 1st day we got all the introductions out of the way and had to have our photo's taken for our files and so the sw's get to know who we are. There were 8 couples on the training including us, all of which were very nice people. Topics we covered are as follows just incase anyone needs advice;
*Day 1* 
Hopes and fears, Legal definition of adoption.
Legal process.
Who are the children. Relinquished babies, small children and older children.
Attatchment.
The role of the foster carer.
Adoption triangle. Birth parent, adoptive parent and child. Small group exersize.
PAR.
homework
 *Day 2*
Discussed homework.
Catergories and effects. (emotional, physical, sexual, neglect)
small group discusion regarding the above.
Child development, LAC nurse was present
Taking care of yourself, post adoption
Identity and life story work.
Social networking.
An adopted persons perspective.
Small group exersize on what we have learned.
what happens next?
We now await 3 more prep evenings, we were told the 1st one has changed from 4tg december to 29th january. So thats when that is and in the meantime we wait for a letter regarding our social worker who will be doing our homestudy. So home study will start dec/jan. Sooooo exiting we everyday we are getting closer...


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks for all the lovely messages, we are on cloud 9, full of questions - can't wait to meet FC and SW and of course our special little lady. The phone didn't stop with excited phone calls and texts once the news was announced last night  

Snapdragon, she's 2yrs, will be 2yrs 6months when we meet her  Gulp! Talk about in at the deep end, haha. Is you LO around the 2yr mark as well, Im loosing track as well at the min - so much going on its great. Xx


----------



## snapdragon

can't wait: yes lo's 2nd birthday will be shortly after intros.

unconditional-love: glad you enjoyed prep, very similar to ours minus the homework and photos. We have life appreciation on Tuesday, well I assume we have as havn't heard from sw for a while . She has probably been busy with the prep training.


----------



## pnkrobin

Hi All. It's 4.5 months till our panel date and we are mid-assessment. Trying to stay positive that we will get passed - I so want our child who is out there somewhere to come home to us. Hold on little one we are waiting for you.   x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone, happy nearly-the-weekend!! 

So session 2 of HS today.  Poor SW was late due to terrible weather on the roads.  Ended up being here nearly 3 hours - we can talk   CRB done and medicals and homework left. Next session in 2 weeks.  SW said at the end we had done really well, and that she was happy with "no concerns whatsoever"!! Loving it


----------



## farm boy

hi all. thanks for the welcomes.
its great to read all the good news on this thread, it gives us hope that maybe one day we may actually be parents. i'm betting it's not just me but it seems impossible to really believe that it may one day really happen. it reminds me of being a child waiting for christmas day, how i couldn't really believe that the day would come. well of course it did eventually arrive and so here's hoping that this could be the mother of all Christmases.
we are just at the beginning of the journey and have a long way to go. many of you will remember what it was like.
i'm hoping we can use your knowledge to help us through and make the best job we can of being good adopters, and if there's anything we can help you all with then you only have to ask and we will do.  
flash123. how nice to see you here. i have only just logged back after my introduction so will hopefully be getting to know you all a little better from now on. i have messaged you.
hi ourturn. thanks for welcome. we went on an info evening about a year ago. we were still in the midst of our last try of ivf and were quite aware that it may not happen for us so were quite interested to see what taking the adoption road may be like.
it was a really amazing evening, very inspirational and let us realize that there could be a life after ivf. well it didn't work out for us so we did apply to our LA to join the adoption program. they turned us down because we were within six months of fertility treatment and told us to try again when the six months were over. well the day it was up i rang the LA again and we have at last got the form filled in that is further than we got last time, so as i said before we are at the beginning and hoping for a sucessfull end. 
i hope your evening is as good as you hope and things will all turn out great.

theres alot of names for me to get used to here so hoping to get to gripps with your stories before too long.
love the good news it makes us happy to see you all doing so well.


----------



## AoC

Here's some more good news for you, farm boy.  

Matching Panel said yes!  Actually, they said, "yes please, we're delighted, how lovely" unanimously!!!

*punches air*

Decision Maker ratification tomorrow, then Intros start on Monday.  ROCK N ROLLLLLLL!!!!!!!


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations AoC - what a great Christmas you will have


----------



## Flash123

Hiya **, thanks for the message and your welcome  

Aoc - this is what dreams are made of YOU ARE A MUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! How fantastic does that sound. What a truly wonderful Christmas present. Enjoy xx


----------



## VEC

AoC what wonderful news!  Congratulations and have a great (or nervous?) weekend.

And congrats to can't wait and cwtbam and nutmeg, I've been rooting for you all.

Martha x


----------



## oliver222

AOC fantastic news.


----------



## beachgirl

Woohoo dancing bananas AOC xxx


----------



## AoC

Thank you everyone!    When people call me Mummy, it still causes joint failure in the knee area, Flash!  gggg!


----------



## Belliboo

Can't wait, nutmeg , AoC congratulations to you all on your fantastic news bet you all can't believe your finally going to become mummies, the best early Christmas present ever.

AoC bet Monday can't come quick enough, have a fantastic day meeting your LO.

Hope everyone else is ok xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

CONGRATULATIONS AOC!!!!!!! Such a great post to come on and read!!! What a lovely panel response too, choked me right up     

And CWTBAM, that is sounding very promising too, very happy for you!  

I know it is always said, but this thread is so positive, I love it  

Happy Friday all


----------



## peacelily

Wow, big congratulations to Nutmeg, Can't Wait, AOC and Beachgirl, and welcome to Farm Boy!

Nothing new here, my LA works at a considerably slower pace than everyone else's on here      they take a week to reply to emails for example   

Peacelily xx


----------



## AoC

Hugs, peacelilly.  I hope things move for you soon.

Thanks everyone.  Had a lovely last day at work today, visited all the teams I work with and they all had stuff for me!!!  Felt like a 'proper mummy to be'.  Which I am.


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
aoc great news about your match panel we will look forward to more good news like that.
hi to peacelily, i hope your la doesn't grind to a halt altogether. no doubt they will get you there soon enough.
can i ask for some clarification please. we have just recieved our PAV (prospective adopter visit) form, and have been told we can go over all that we will need to expect when our sw comes to us. we are not to fill it in apart from the part about our finances. it is asking about our bank accounts i hope they are not expecting us to write down our bank account numbers as i dont give that info to anybody.
just wondering what sort of things you guys had to put down on yours.

**..


----------



## galaxy girl

Aoc  over the moon for you! 

Away to deal with bath time ! Fun


----------



## Flash123

** - if they took our bank numbers they may give us something in pity !!!! Lol
They just ask for your balance, any depts etc


----------



## farm boy

ha love that.
im glad they dont expect us to be millionaires they may be disapointed.
thanks flash.

**..


----------



## someday

Great news on the matches! it's very exciting!xxxx

We are still waiting. It was hard at the beginning but now we are getting on with our lives and enjoying ourselves. We want a break away but finding it hard to decide when to go. DH works in retail so not a chance before Christmas and we need to see when he is working over Christmas. Maybe early Jan as he has a week off. It will have to be a weekend as my hols are used up until I know when I'm finishing! Limbo isn't a nice place!!


----------



## Arrows

wow, such good news!!! Huge congrats to AoC, Nutmeg, CWTBAM & Can't wait!

life is going very quickly now with our gorgeous LO, who celebrates his first birthday in just over a week's time 
He's now got 8 teeth and become very clingy for mummy -brilliant as exactly right for a child of his age which means his attachment is great!  Today I left him with Daddy for the afternoon -the first time I have since he came home 5wks ago and it was so, so hard leaving him!


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Just had time to read back a few pages, but as I mentioned before, I find it so hard to keep up now  . Please forgive me if I've missed any major news  

AoC.......HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!! and lots of luck for today and the rest of your intros  . I vividly remember that last day at work too, such happy memories. After sending off so many excited 'Mummy's to be' over the years I never imagined I'd ever be in their shoes! Such an amazing feeling and such incredible support and kindness from everyone. I suppose knowing what we've all been through to reach this point people are even more excited and happy for us then we all naturally are for Mummy's (and Daddy's of course  ) leaving work to have a birth child.
I'm thinking of you, today is a day you'll never ever forget   

Arrows...Happy Birthday to your little man   , I hope he has a wonderful day. It's such a magical age   

Farmboy...Hi and welcome to you  

CWTBAM....Lots of luck for the meeting with your lo's sw  . Have you got a date yet? I bet you're sat on the edge of your seat!!  

Can't Wait....HUGE CONGRATULATIONS! I bet you're still celebrating!  Such wonderful news!  

beachgirl.....MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS to you too, not long now! What a magical Christmas you'll all have this year!  

No update really our end, we have another LA coming out for an initial visit in a couple of weeks but it's the same story with most LA's I'm afraid in that they are all a bit reluctant to take us on until our little man is about 5!   
We are forging ahead though, it's just very slow to get going. I'll be back with updates when there are any (around 2014 sometime most likely!  )

Have a good week all   
It's so great to read all the amazing news on here atm!  

Love Anj x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi fellow FFs ;-)

Firstly thank you to all! Think if I didn't have you wonderful peeps to turn to I'd go mad at times. I tend to rely on pms more recently but I still watch how u r getting on.

Can anyone point me to a good resource or pm their experience of the below. We are progressing with a LO where there has been high drug use/withdrawal etc so have an early meeting with their doc. Anyone got medical Qs or references ie percentile charts, drug levels? 
Or even does anyone mind sharing their personal experience (privately of course) where you know of Los where this was their early start and what their worst case prognosis was/is.

For us it's trying to determine what that worst case is - in my head it's quite extreme but SW thinks it is extreme but can't really tell me what is more likely worst case if that makes sense??

Thanks for reading G x


----------



## liveinhope

Will keep everything crossed for you Anj.

We had little brothers workers out to see us last week - no news yet but keeping everything crossed


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi liveinhope  ,
Thanks and same to you   
Anj x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Well ladies, feels like someone has ripped my heart out today  

After being told the LOs SWs has good feelings about our CPR and been told we're the only couple they are considering and would like to meet us....today instead of calling with a date of visit we were told they are now considering another adopter and are currently deciding which ones they would like to visit!!!!!!

Gone back a step and gutted


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh no, no, no   That is simply cruel.  I know they need to put the child first and consider all avenues, but it is just not fair to tell you one thing and do another.  You have been through the mill once already.  I am so sorry you are having to now deal with this


----------



## GERTIE179

CWTBAM that is so so cruel!! Really hope you're the one they want to see and you don't wait too long.
Having been through this I know how awful it is. Not got my match yet but have to believe the right match will come at the right moment x x hugs x x


----------



## Flash123

Cwtbm my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how you are feeling and hope so much that soon you get the news you desire. Sending you big hugs x


----------



## Frangipanii

Cwtbm....what can I say but I am thinking of you and I am sending postive vibes to you. Hope it goes your way!!!.

My heart is sad today but I have my fingers crossed for a more positive day tomorrow. 
And I am looking forward to hearing from sw even though it wont be anyhing exciting.
hi to all xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Frangipanni   Hope today raises a little smile, thinking of you x x x


----------



## Anjelissa

Just rushing in and out but wanted to give big hugs to CWTBAM and frangipanii   
Thinking of you both x

Anj x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone, so sorry not been on for a while. I have been away for awhile staying with my sister as her hubby has gone on tour in Afghanistan, so I went to help out with her 4 girls aged 7,6,4 & 5months. They are just adorable and I really enjoy being around them   


Anyway we have finally been appointed. Sw but waiting for her to contact us for our 1st home visit to start our hs. A few couples we met on the prep course have already had their 1st visit and were given homework of writing their life story. Any ideas exactly wot needs to b put?.




So much seems to b going on on here and were all at different stages. But hope all is well and wishing u all lots of luck   


Lou xx


----------



## pringle

Hi ladies  

Was wondering if I could join you all? I have been a lurker on this thread for several months as its very early days for me.

Dh contacted our la back in Sept & we have are info meeting tomorrow night. It seems a long time coming but by reading all your posts its apparent that the adoption process is a long one but so worth the wait when you are finally matched.

We cant wait for the info eve tomorrow as we will then feel that we have started moving  

Not sure what to expect from the info meet, Can anyone tell me what to expect and how long the meeting is? dh & I know that we want to do this 100%.

Pringle x


----------



## Frangipanii

Pringle!!Welcome and  Congrats on the start of your journey!!
I never went to info evening so cant help. We had appointments with  3 agenices to figure out which VA we wanted to go with so if you have any questions regarding that ask away. best of luck x 

thanks X -Lolly-x and anj, your thoughts and hugs were welcomed. 

A better day today!! 

Hi to all. xx x


----------



## Flash123

Frangipani, glad you are feeling better today. Thought about you yesterday.

His pringle, we went to 1 open evening. It lasted about 1 1/2 hours and during it they loosely discussed the process, timescales etc. they looked at the type of children tht currently need adopting, the type of children that historically needed adopting and how the process has changed of late. Hope you enjoy the evening.


----------



## snapdragon

Hello all. We had life appreciation day today. We didn't find out a lot we didn't already know but saw a lot more photos and found out lo has begun to talk more. He is now 21 months and has gone from having no words 2 months ago to repeating fc and saying mummy, daddy etc. He also seems to have started the terrible twos 3 months early, lol, throwing himself on the floor if he doesn't get another biscuit etc. I can't believe We have panel Friday week. Need to get going on our photo book as we have to bring it with us.


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

CWTBM that's really cruel, did they decide who they wanted to visit?

Pringles we went to an opening evening with our LA and they went through a power point presentation about what,how,why etc adoption. If you have any questions you can and we met with other potential adoptees. Ours was about 1.5 hours I think, good luck sure you will enjoy.


Angel Mummy for our first homework on our life we had a family tree to do, loads of questions to answer about our childhood, relationships with siblings etc, childhood memories, significant changes etc. The homework then helps with the first one on one assessments. Good luck your be fine it's all about you so no trick questions! 

AFU my DH has started his HA sessions one on one and the first one went well we hope. His family are so different to mine but he told SW everything warts and all! 

We have both had our medical checks so fingers crossed everything is going in the right direction for us

Nm2b x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi everyone, hope everyone is well and had a good day.

newmum2b - many thanks for ur reply, i just worry to much about everything lol....my family life has been complicated growing up as my dad was and still is an alcoholic and i cut all contact a few months ago as couldnt take anymore verbal abuse from him....think im just worried they will think im bad and wont aprove me   ....Everything seems to b going well for u, good luck   

pringles - hi and welcome.hope ur info evening goes well tonite. i was nervous about going as didnt no wot to expect. ours lasted 1 1/2 hours, they just explained wot the process was really. 

love and luck to all.

ooh forgot to say spoke to my social worker today and we have our 1st HS visit on monday!!! so excited, she sounded lovely on the phone   

Lou x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Sorry ladies, in a bad place at the minute  

Another me me me post, but I will be back tomorrow and my chirpy old self.

In desperation dh and I have written a letter and have asked our sw to decide if she would like to forward it on for us, we'll take her advice. We need to know that we've done everything we can possibly do, and now we have...so whatever the decision we will deal with it.

Letter below....what do you think? (grammar and punctuation better on the letter!)

Dear XXXX Adoption Team

We have been deciding whether or not to send this letter, but we have to, hopefully you will understand why after reading it.

In May 2012 we started our adoption journey and were approved at panel on 23rd October at 12.20pm...the best moment of our lives so far. A week after approval we were sent a profile of 2 children from xxxxx, the second we opened this profile we knew that we wanted to be mummy and daddy to the beautiful children we saw before us. The feeling we felt was like no feeling we had ever felt before. It was a feeling we had never expected to feel, but we did. We immediately expressed an interest and a few days later we received the CPR.

We spent 4 hours reading about these precious little children and it completely confirmed how we felt about them, the same evening we emailed our social worker to say that we wanted to considered.

We had and still have absolutely no doubt in our minds that we can be the perfect parents for these children, we feel that they would fit perfectly in to our lives and our family, and will always be loved. Words cannot tell you how we feel about them; we did not for a second think that we could love two little human beings that we have never met so much, but we do. And this is the reason we have to write this letter.

After a couple of weeks of waiting to find out what the little ones social worker thought of us, we were ecstatic to be told that they had a good feeling about us and they would like to meet us, we have been on cloud nine since, patiently waiting for a date. 

On Monday our social worker told us that she had received an email from the children’s family finder explaining that another couple are now being considered, and they are not sure which couple they would like to meet. We cannot sit here and not do anything, as until we are told otherwise, we still hope that we are given the opportunity to give these children the love and the life that they so badly deserve.

You may be wondering why we have written this letter, and the reason is we have to know that we have done everything we can to try and become mummy and daddy to these children - now we have sent this letter we feel we have.

We completely accept and understand (and agree) that you need to ensure that you find the most suitable family you can for them and we will respect your decision.

We are a strong, resilient couple and are sure that in time we will be able to move on, but for now our hearts belong to these children and until we are told that we are not the right mummy and daddy for them we will wait.

We hope to be given the opportunity to meet you and to find out even more about the children.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, I hope you find the perfect home for xxx and xxx very soon so that they can be loved and nurtured by their forever family.

Keep up the fantastic work you and your team are doing to protect the children of xxx, and find them their forever families.
Kind regards,


----------



## Anjelissa

Awwww CWTBAM    
That's such a wonderful letter  

You shouldn't have been dealt with in this way, it's so bloody unfair and down right wrong  (sorry but it makes me so mad when SS go down this route!  )
I have absolutely everything possible crossed for you hun  

Anj x


----------



## skyblu

cantwaittobeamommy   I really do not know what to say. But I think you have written a lovely letter  
I hope they choose you.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thank you everyone for the luck and well wishes, we've done what we can...we're just going to have to wait, and I guess move on if we need to. Going on my holidays next Saturday, I hope we hear something by then - we'll stay in touch with our SW whilst we are away, I've don't think I have EVER needed a holiday as much as I do now!!!!! x

angel mummy - Woohoo, good luck for your first HS visit...I hope you enjoy it  x Wow, your sister must have her hands full with the LO's! I hope your BIL comes home safely x x x

newmum2b - glad HS is going well, seems like things are movig pretty fast for you, you'll be at panel in no time   x 

snapdragon - eeeeek! You must be soooo blinking excited   What is a life appreciation day? x 

frangipanii - sorry you were feeling low but I am glad you're feeling better now   x     I saw your other post regarding good news story,great thread....made me feeling even more excited about what the future will bring x  

pringle - welcome! no help on open evenings, we didn't go to one  Good luck with your journey x 

Gertie - Did you go through the same? It seems so unfair  But I've just read about your exciting news, I hope things work out the way you want them to x x How old is the LO?

Anjelissa - Sorry you're struggling to find a LA, have you considered a VA? x

Lolly, Flash, Skyblu  - Thank you   I hope you're all ok x x 

Arrows -   Happy  bithday to your special little man x x x  

Someday - I hope you get a link soon hun x

AoC - Congratulations x x x x x x x  

To everyone that I've missed, good luck with where ever you are on your journey, it will all be worth it in the end x x x x


----------



## snapdragon

cwtbam: life appreciation day is something some la's do. Its basically a gathering of everyone involved in lo's story to  date, fc, various sw's, health visitor etc. They go through lo's story and you find out a few things you didn't know before. Hoping you get some news soon.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Update from meeeeeeeee.....

I am smiling again today  

Just had a call from our SW and she confirmed the other adopter has been ruled out and we're the only ones being considered again, the family finder is pushing to try and get a meeting set up before we go away *EVERYTHING CROSSED*.

BTW - this wasn't as a result of our letter, the update came before our SW sent it


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Cwtbam oh wow that is fantastic news soo pleased...fingers crossed all goes well for u.. Ur letter was lovely.... Yes my sister is always on the go lol but her youngest who is 5 months is a dream baby. She slept through the nite at 1wk old    


Lou x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello everyone, just popped on for a quick catch up. Sorry no personals, I am rubbish anyway at them and even more so now!!!

Little man has been home with us for 5 weeks now. Time is flying by but it is all going so well. Of course it can be hard going at times, just like any new mum finds but I am absolutely loving it and our little man couldn't be any more perfect for us. 

He has met most of our family now and they all adore him and he takes it all in his stride. We keep a no holding rule which can be hard for family as they all want a cuddle but they understand our reasons and he is attaching well to us.

We have had our review and all were over the moon with how well he is getting on, he has been through a range of emotions which can be hard for him and us to see him upset but it is good for him to express them and we do what we can to comfort him. It's hard when he can't talk yet and can see that is frustrating for him at times. 

He has learnt many new words and I don't think it will be long before he is walking! 

He is just amazing and we couldn't imagine life without him  

Anyway just thought I would update you all, I used to love reading updates on lo's placed and it kept me strong when I was struggling.


----------



## Anjelissa

CWTBAM....that's brilliant news!!!   
I am still sat here smiling after reading your last post!!
Fingers crossed that it's plain sailing from now!  

Anj x


----------



## nutmeg

CWTBAM - so so pleased for you    

I've not been online in a week and I have so much to catch up on, so I'm hoping I can do so tonight. BUT we're off away for the weekend tomorrow so I'm unlikely to be around much until next week! Will catch up asap though and sending lots of    and    out there.
We go to MP on the 12th December; all the paperwork has been submitted today. Work is always very manic at this time of year and with me finishing on New Years Eve for oooooh ADOPTION LEAVE    it's even more manic than usual. 5 weeks today and we meet our baby girl


----------



## Dreams do come true

Angel mummy - Thank you x  

Watakerfuffle - I'm so glad your LO is settling in well, you seem to be enjoying motherhood - can't wait to be where you are now 

Anj - I hope so to, it's true what they say on prep....it really is an emotional roller coaster, lots of ups and downs!

Nutmeg - You must be soooo excited, have you been baby  shopping yet, or are you waiting until after MP? 

Well, I've just been standing in the nurserys again - I had to shut the doors on Monday as I couldn't face them. Every night since they've been ready I go in and turn the night lights on and have a little moment where I imagine myself say nite nite to my babies - but since Monday I jsut couldn't, it was too hard 

Both nurserys are virtually ready, the boys one has been given more blue (toy box) and the girls one is very pink and shabby chic....I jumped the gun a little, which I think is making it harder, I should have waited before doing the second room I think, but I just couldn't, I really think of these children as mine and the rooms are for them! 

I guess the advantage is  that when the LOs SW comes round she'll see how ready we are for these LOs, and hopefully how much we want them! 

The rooms have been created with so much love.

Went in to Monsoon on Saturday to buy a dress for Christmas...I'm not interested in shopping for me anymore, me and DH went to the clothes section and chose outfits for them...in the end we put them back and told ourselves to calm down. 

I wonder what they are doing now...I wonder if I'll ever get to tell them how much I loved them before I was even matched with them. I think the little boy will be playing and perhaps watching cartoons, I think the little girl will be bouncing in her baby bouncer and foster mummy will be preparing dinner...I wonder if in 2-3 months I will be playing with them both, or maybe walking around the park with them having lots of fun and cuddles like mummies do with children  Sorry, going to stop now!


----------



## beachgirl

Wow some good news on here today....

I'm on annual leave this week before starting adoption leave next week and intro's with our baby girl...keep hearing people referencing to my daughter and thinking 'oh, they mean me'!!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

beachgirl said:


> I'm on annual leave this week before starting adoption leave next week and intro's with our baby girl...keep hearing people referencing to my daughter and thinking 'oh, they mean me'!!!


OMG! You're a mummy for Christmas  x How long are you on adoption leave for? x


----------



## pringle

Hi ladies  

Thank you for welcoming me to the thread and for the advice regarding info eve. Well we attended the eve and found it really informative. I have done lots of research before meeting however found the talk from an adoptive parent very interesting and learnt so much. We were given time scales approx 9 months from application of interest to panel and was also informed that from June they will have a new process where it will take 6 months.
  The question was asked if they do competitive matching and this was replied with a def NO. Now waiting for Dh to come home so we can complete paper work and hopefully get a sw visit in new year.
Was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. On the application it says are you thinking of changing your job, moving house or family coming to live with you, please tell us this before sw visits? I have just resigned from my job and am in a fortunate position where I don't have to work, I was thinking of doing some voluntary work with children to get some experience in this field and doing some casual work (Bank work with NHS) Will this go against me as I have resigned from my job and making a change in my life. There is no room to put reason or explain in the form. I am afraid that when they see that I have resigned they will think that I'm not ready to adopt or decline visiting us.

I hope you are all OK   I am so glad to finally be able to join you all on this path and may all our dreams come true.

Pringle x

Sorry lack of personals, promise I will catch up and learn all your names very soon.


----------



## snapdragon

Pringle: I am in the same  position as you in that I don't need to work. I'm sure they wont be concerned at all about you resigning. In fact I think they will see you not working as a positive as you will have lots of time for a lo.  They did in my case. The reason they ask about a new job is because they want you to be settled when you are placed with a lo, so for instance if you started a new job that meant working long hours it might not be ideal or you might have a period of probation so the job might not be secure. Don't worry.


----------



## pringle

Thank you snapdragon

Thats great to hear, was just concerned when I saw that question on form, I do plan to do some casual work while going through the adoption process as I like to keep busy and by going on the bank staff with nhs I can choose when I work as I need to be available for those sw visits and prep course. Should I put on form then that I plan to change employment as I am currently working my notice at the moment? Unfortunately there is no space to put reason why and I feel that if they new what I had planned it would be ok but if they cant see what I have planned they will say No No before even visiting me. I had planned to give work up anyway if we were lucky to be excepted & get a little one so Ive just done it a bit earlier.

Does it matter who I put on form as 1st Applicant? Sorry for being a  .  Would it be me as I will be main carer?

Hope you and everyone else ok

Pringle x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

Just reading back 5 or 6 pages and i'm so happy for everyone who is moving forward.

Snapdragon..How are you? good luck for life appreciation day how exiting..

Cantwaittobeamommy..so moved by your story   , your letter was perfect and i am hoping and    for you to be the forever family for these little ones, i'm sure they will be just as lucky to have you and dh as what the two of you will be to have them..

AFU...Received a phone call today from our la as there are some gaps in my addresses and dates, they also want to know all addresses from when i lived in spain, this is a problem as i dont know some addresses as some of my jobs came with apartments so i really have no idea, what happens if i cant find out does anyone know 


    Everyone xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Pringle: doesn't matter who is the 1st applicant. Really there is no way they would rule someone out before visiting due to a change in job, they would just want to know more about it when visiting. If you are worried wait and tell them about your plans at the meeting. You can say there wasn't room to explain on the form.


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love:We had life appreciation day Tuesday. We got to see lots of photos and found out a few things we didn't know. I really don't know what will happen if you can't come up with the addresses. I lived in Singapore for a year and couldn't remember the address properly, just put it as best as I could remember. I'm sure the addresses in Spain can't be that important. If you can remember some can you put them for longer periods and miss some out, I'm sure it wouldn't really matter.


----------



## Arrows

Unconditional-love: it really is important to have a complete address history -my DH had to do his for living in France and Italy before and during university. The biggest issue is remembering the town and district you lived in as they have to carry out police checks for every place you lived -this means you will need to apply to the Spanish embassy or county authority (whatever their equivalent is) for certificates of good behaviour -like our CRB checks. You normally have to pay for these yourself.


----------



## gettina

Just had to say how pleased I am for you cwtbm - hope all goes swimmingly from here.
And big hurrahs to you at such an exciting time beach girl and you too nutmeg. 
Also, thinking of you AoC - truly hope this is a magic week. 
Thanks so much for posting watakerfuffle. Fabulous to read you are enjoying life post adoption. 
 to everyone
Gettina


----------



## skyblu

Unconditional love, my hubby had the same problem as he moved a lot when he lived in London(his perants bought and renovated property) so as you can imagine he lived in a lot a places. H e knew the streets so googled the street and no(if he remembered) and managed to get all addresses. As Arrows says it is for CBR checks.  hope this helps.

CWTBAM- So so pleased you are the only ones being considered. I hope you get to meet your family very soon.

Pringles and Beach Girl  sorry I have been AWOL for a while and have not had a chance to say hi.

AFU, Didn't want to say anything yesterday as CWTBAM was having a rubbish day, but we have a MATCH   
We are so excited but also very cautious as this proses is not straight forward. We are the only couple being looked at and the lo SW is our old SW which is a bonus as she allready knows us and did our assessment. We have a meeting on the 11Dec to find out more about lo but so far lo sounds perfect. i thought I would be more excited but I think I am just waiting for something to go wrong and wont relax until I know lo is defo for us and is ours. Did any one else feel like this?

AoC Hoping this week is going well for you all.  

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Skyblu - yeah (presume its a potential link rather than match at this state?)
I have felt this and worried about my feelings but as I'm getting more excited I do feel it was likely just self preservation as we've had a few links snatched away after us bring totally in awe (mostly location).
The LO we found ourselves and had a lot of unknowns/uncertainty/unusual legal situation and we've had to be reserved with our feelings as lots could go wrong.
You will know as soon as you've had the meet as your worries may be covered off.
Lots if luck x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Just my feelings to all the lovely news on here as ever!!  

CWTBAM, that is frickin' fantastic!!  I so hope that this is the end of your worries and the start of your family life  

Skyblue, fantastic news!!  I am so pleased, you deserve this after all your patient waiting!  

Nutmeg, wow, that is great!  It has all happened so fast, how wonderful for you all  

Aoc, hope your week is going beautifully  

Watakerfuffle, thank you so much for sharing your story.  Makes me excited for our future  

Snapdragon, lovely to get more piccies, and things are really starting to move now  

Hi to everyone else    Not much to report.  Sending medical forms back to SW today so they can fill in their bit and return at HS number 3 on Thursday.  Then we need to book in for medicals before new year.  Bad timing as could do without spending £150+ on docs and buying lovely Christams pressies instead!!  Although having said that, once the medicals are done it'll be like a big present as I am super stressed by it all and unsure what to expect...    It's like i am waiting for something to go wrong    Ahhhhh!!!!!


----------



## Unconditional-love

Snapdragon, You must be falling in love with your lo seeing photos and finding out more information. Thank you for the advice i have been on google earth and got the addresses the best i can, so i really hope this will help, although i cant get the apartment numbers so if what i have collected so far is no good, the only other thing i could do is fly out there which i dont want to have to do just to look at numbers on doors, i wasn't a resident in spain as i was only there for months at a time.. Singapore how lovely.

Arrows, thank you too for the advice. i had no idea i would have to contact the spanish embassy, i'm not even sure this would be of any use as i was never a permanent resident there, however saying that i suppose that doesn't mean i couldn't have had dealings with the law. Better to be safe i guess, i shall speak to my la for further advice.

Skyblue, thank you i took the google advice and its helped me loads..   Huge congrats to you and your match       

Lolly, Hope your medicals turn out to be ok, i too am stressing about mine. 

CWTBAM,         for you

   to everyone else  xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, I haven't been on for a few weeks now and had to go all the way back to page 11 to catch up!! Apologies in advance to those that I miss but thinking of you all and 'Hi'   

MrsYG - Lovely to hear from you and congratulations that LO is officially yours.
Nutmeg - Congratulations, I bet you can't wait to meet her...not long now and what an amazing way to begin 2013.
beachgirl - Hi and congratulations on being matched with your daughter.
Can'twait - Lovely news, so so pleased for you.
x-lolly - Hi and glad to hear your HS is going well.
CWTBAM - It sounds like you have really been through it this week. Your letter was simply beautiful and I am so glad that things are now going your way. I hope that they get your meeting arranged ASAP.
AoC - amazing news.
Someday - I echo you, limbo is so hard
Arrows - Enjoy your son's first birthday, what a lovely milestone to be a part of.
Snapdragon - Wishing you all the best for panel and good luck with the photobook.
Watakerfuffle - Lovely to hear from you and glad to hear everything is going well.
Skyblu - woo hoo! I really hope that it all goes well for you.

Well there was a lot to catch up on!

AFU, not a great deal of news. Spent 7 days in bed with flu followed by a nasty sinus infection so hoping thats my illness done for a while now. SW came to see us this week to discuss our 'ideal family' and seemed bemused that we don't have a preference on gender. She is now going to 'hopefully' crack on with things but has had to pick up a third of departing SW caseload (inc us) so she's very overworked. Feel really happy with her and trust her completely. She disclosed that we are being considered for a number of LO who have yet to go to court, our LA doesn't do competitive matching so she said if we are picked by any of the LO's SW (presuming adoption order is made) then we'll know we are the only one's being considered. we feel a lot more reassured as we felt a bit like we were just sat waiting and waiting and that no news wasn't great.

A quick question, has anyone adopted or considered a sibling group of 3? We said 'never in a million years' when SW asked us about 3 but I have seen a profile and I have fallen in love. Common sense says its crazy but my heart has taken over. It could well be a complete no go as DH really is not keen on 3, he is going to look at the profile with a clear head over the weekend but told me not to get my hopes up. I know that if its not what we both want then we aren't the right match but I was just interested on anyone's thoughts/experiences.

Take care everyone.

Much love

Greenie x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations to CWTBM and Skyblu  It's great news all round on here at the min.

I totally understand the self preservation thing a few of you have mentioned as me and DH are going through it ourselves. This process is such an emotional rollercoster and it just gets rockier and rockier! We have moments of being over joyed and excited then down times of waiting for it to all go wrong and our world to be turned upside down. I will feel much better once I have my hands on a matching certificate. We are getting so much support from friends and family, everyone is so happy for us and we are getting presents and donations left right and centre. It's lovely and thoughtful of them all but I just keep getting a nagging feeling of what if it all falls through, everyone is going to be devastated. I know it's highly unlikely matching panel would say no as we wouldn't of got this far if we weren't compatible, but like I say once I have that certificate I'll feel much better (or I'll find something else to worry about, haha  )

So anyway I'm sure what we are feeling is normal and at least we've got each other to go thru it all with. Im sure after what we've all been through It's no surprise we are all a bit cautious. 

How's intro's going AoC?? 

Xx


----------



## Arrows

Proud mummy moment! my wee man said his first word today -hello.  really, really clear!


----------



## snapdragon

Greenie: We only ever wanted 1 so 3 sounds like very hard work to me. Friends I met at prep have just been placed with 2 with the possibility of a 3rd in the new year as bm is expecting. They are finding 2 really hard, husband has just had to take some more time off work and they will now be saying no to the new baby when initially they were quite keen. I do think your husband needs to be fully behind it; imagine if it turns out to be really hard going, how will you both feel? 

Can't wait: know what you mean. We've told everyone and it would be so terrible if something went wrong. Panel on Friday, so nervous.

Skyblu: I think your reaction is only natural. Its difficult to get excited if its not 100%. Even when we had the match confirmed it took a while to sink in and we do feel  excited now but also quite apprehensive.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks snapdragon. I think it is going to be too much x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

everyone!!  Happy weekend, hope you are all having a brilliant one  

SIL rang today.  She is clearing out nieces bedroom ready for the Christmas influx!  She has offered some books as they are like new.  For a minute I thought she meant I could take them into work.  Then I realised she meant for us and our future LO


----------



## liveinhope

They said no to us for little brother! we are gutted but grateful for our lovely boy!


----------



## GERTIE179

Jeez LiH - I'm so sorry for you
I take it this was unexpected? What has your SW said? Was there information you did not know of?
Take care if yourself right now x hugs x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Liveinhope -   Cant believe that, it just doesnt make sense to seperate siblings when theres a perfectly good home they can both live in. I hope they gave you a valid reason so you can get your heads around it, but just seems a bit   to me.   xx


----------



## peanut butter

Dear All

Apologies for the lack of personals.  Although I rarely post, I do read most days and have done since I started my journey nearly 3 years ago.  It has been a long journey for us but at last the end could be in sight.  We have been matched to 2 little girls and are hoping to go to matching panel in January.  I am trying to keep my feet on the ground as we still have a long way to go but we are taking a small step towards our dream every day.  

Best wishes to you all.

PB


----------



## Anjelissa

liveinhope  ,
I was so shocked when I read your post   , and like others have said, I hope they provided you with a valid reason that made some kind of sense    
Huge hugs,
Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Thanks everyone for the support.  We dont agree with the reasons given - basically they dont feel it is in either child's interest to be placed together (there's more to it than that but Im not putting them on here!!)  We're told there's nothing more we can do.  We will be putting a response in writing; not because we think the decision will be changed but we owe it to both the boys to hear our side of the story when they are older and question why they cant be together.

So we are taking time to recover, enjoying our beautiful boy and this time next year we will reconsider applying again.  Cant face it before then - I can see why people get disillusioned with the system.


----------



## bluebabe

Liveinhope - xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Peanut butter that's great news. It's surreal having a match but waiting for matching panel isn't it? I can't wait to have that official 'she's yours certificate' I can't see why it would go wrong at this stage but self preservation is keeping me expecting a devestation phone call, but so far all is going well. Hope the time passes quickly to your Jan panel.

Ah Liveinhope - it's so sad but there's obviously more to it then what it seems. I think it's a very good idea to write a response, like you said for the boys benefit when they are older. Sending lots of   to you and DH xx


----------



## newmum

I'm sorry about the me post but I just need to get stuff of my chest I've had a horrible day

In work today a couple of people I work with Were discussing a man whose wife is pregnant and surprised that he wasn't Firing blanks in their words! The one person said well they would have adopted if he was!

I was fuming inside but gently said you can't make assumptions like that

Do people really think that people adopt because the man has fertility issues? 

It makes me so sad. If I wanted to get pregnant when I was younger I could have I decide not to and used Contraception and for the record my lovely husband has 2 wonderful boys. 

I certainly wasn't adopted because my Mum and Dad couldn't have any more children, they had three naturally they wanted me and chooses me to join our family.

I've always said I would adopt as long as I an remember, years before I met my DH

And to top it all off SW cancelled today because she was ill! 

I'm so sorry for the downer and the me post and thanks for listening

I will back to my happy self soon

Nm2b x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Sorry for the lack of posts for a while, I've been reading but not really had time to say anything. Glad to see all the good news on here though.

We were refused a match last week, got down to the last two, but they chose the other couple over us. We had tried so hard not to get our hopes up as the LOs were perfect but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt (unfortunately it topped off a really bad day!). There are a couple more possibles on the horizon though so fingers crossed they work out.

Will try and catch up properly soon. Until then good luck to you all whatever stage you are at!


----------



## Linzi.Larkin

Hello everyone

Well finally plucked up the courage to come back online after second failed ivf in april xxx

Getting all nervous as we have our first prep group session tomorrow morning and rally dont know what to expect xxx am quite shy so i have heard bout interactive and am stressing


Hope everyone is well xx am so happy i found this thread. Xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

Not been around for a few days as busy t work prepring for a few weeks off  Last day in tomorrow before 3 weeks off and a lovely holiday in Goa 

Linzi.Larkin - welcome! good luck on prep and enjoy, I'm sure you'll be fine when you're in and realise everytone else is as nervous as you x

bambinolove - sorry that this wasn't the match for you, I hope the other potential links work out for you x

newmum2b - BIIIIIG deep breaths, I hear comments like that all the time, and I think...how ignorant!!!! Sorry that the sw cancelled, try and get a double appointment next time, that'll teach her to be ill   Keep smiling honey, I hope you're feeling better x x

Liveinhope - I'm so sorry hun   x x x 

Peanut butter - eeeeek at the link, here's hoping for a new year match x How old are the LO's? x x

-x-Lolly-x- - it's moments like that that I love    You're going to be a mommy in 2013, how exciting is that?!    x  

snapdragon - good luck at panel, absolutely everything crossed for you x x 

Arrows - WOW! That's what dreams are made of x  

Greeniebop - 3?!!!! I saw a profile on BMP and thought about it, dreamt a little and then woke up and thought 3, lol. I have total respect for anyone that can do it, I couldn't, 2's my perfect number x Are you considering the 3? x 

AFU - we have a date  but....we have to wait until the next year (mid Jan), incredibly excited, I love this little prince and princess  I hope this is it, we're the only ones they are visting x x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

HI ladies,

Cwtbam, have a wonderfull holiday...

Snapdragon, all the best for panel.

Livininhope, so sorry  

Newmum2b, ignore small minded others who simply don't understand.

Linzi.larkin, good luck for prep I was exactly like you, but It's not as bad as I thought and everyone was so nice.

Hi to everyone else...


AFU, just waiting for our letter to give us Information on our home study and s/w. Crb forms handed in 2 weeks ago, does anyone know how long they take to get back to us ? Will be having our medicals soon also.


Xxx


----------



## Linzi.Larkin

Thanks uncondition-love just waiting to go now nerves have kicked in but am sure i will be ok x speak soon


----------



## GERTIE179

CWTBAM - happy holidays and looking forward to your date in Jan

Linzi - everyone on prep feels similar but you tend to be broken in small groups of 4 and you find you relax as everyone has things in common and SWs are there to make you feel at ease.

AFU - we now have a link!! We've met SW, senior SW, medical and will be meeting FC & Physio next week. Link & MP in early & mid Jan. little boy home by Feb all being well. Happy & excited but also v nervous that something may go wrong. We're the only family the SW has been interested in since we found him at exchange day. Legal all sorted so no contesting from parents as is in hands of LA (diff to ours)

X


----------



## bambinolove

Gertie - Fantastic news, hope it all moves fast from now on.

CWTBAM - Thank you


----------



## AoC

Quick question: what is the date of placement?  Is it matching panel, start of intros, or first day home?!?

(I'll post properly soon, all good here!)


----------



## bluebabe

First day home aoc xx


----------



## AoC

Ta!


----------



## snapdragon

GERTIE: fantastic news, congrats

Just had to post this. We have panel on Friday and today we received a good luck card from the foster carers, especially made saying "good luck on your panel day "on the front and they have even helped lo to write a cross.  I'm so touched its made me cry.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - so pleased things are looking positive for you for these LO's, it just seems meant to be   Enjoy your holiday xx

AoC - Haway man, were all dying for an update here  

Gertie - excellent news, congratulations, sounds like things are moving quickly for you - exciting times  

Snapdragon - how lush is that! The FC's sound great. Lucky you  

AFU - we've had a meeting today about our LO (will have to think of a forum name for her?!?), everything went really well. Everyone was very positive, have lots of little meetings lined up for after Xmas with FC, nursery nurse etc as her LA doesn't do it all in one go through a life appreciation day like some do. Only negative is they can't get everything done and MP in Jan as hoped so have to wait until Feb   Totally understand why what needs to be done needs to be done and that it takes time, just a bit disappointing though. We have some actual photos now though, not just poor copies  

Hello everyone else, hope things are going smoothly where ever you are in the process. Hope your all enjoying the snow like my spaniels and not stuck in traffic xx


----------



## nutmeg

LIH - I'm so sorry, how devastating for you   

Bambino - I'm sorry this match wasn't the one for you, I hope you're linked again quickly and successfully.

CWTBAM - Have a fabulous holiday.

Cant'tWait - yay yay, so pleased things are moving forward; sorry about the delays though.

SnapD - that's just gorgeous, no wonder you had a tear in your eye. Our Los FC is fab too - it really does make a difference doesn't it?

Gertie - amazing news, so so happy for you   

Unconditional  - CRBs can take anything from - weeks. Good luck.

Hello to everyone else.

AFU - work is manic as it always is this time of year, but with me finishing at Christmas and having to make sure my deputy knows what to do, it's even more manic than usual! Plus with DDs parties and school events etc I'm knackered! We have the talking book to do this weekend and DD1 has bought DD2's christmas present to take to MP too    I was stressing about intros and how dd1 will cope but spoke to SWr today who really put my mind at rest.


----------



## Linzi.Larkin

Hey Ladies

well the prep group was interesting wasnt keen on the group interaction but thats beacuse am quite shy, xx

really dont know what to expect now, people there seemed to have so many questions and i didnt is that bad?

im a kinda go with the flow so i knda felt a little out of place


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone, haven't managed to post lately but have been reading as much as possible. Such lovely stories still...really , really encouraging for us newbies. 
11 weeks yesterday till panel for us (fingers crossed) woo hoo. Sad I know but the count down has started  

Just a quick question from me. Our sw has asked for a photograph of the 2 of us for our par. Is this the photo they will us when trying to visually match us?

What type of photo did you put in? we don't really have any close ups of us. Most are on holiday from a bit of a distance, which may be a good thing  surrounded by scenery.
Will probably end up taking one of us on a camera timer...will be fun. I know dh will say the first one of him will do and not worry if I have 1 eye shut!


----------



## Flash123

Sorry forgot to say liveinhope - sending you hugs x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all!!

Enjoying reading all the news of matches and littlies setting in    

Flash, we had our PAR picture taken on third day of prep.  they quickly took it and said 'is that alright yeah?'  Luckily we looked closer than the SW taking the pics as she had blurred the image and DF had 4 eyes and 2 noses    When did you get your panel date?  I was hoping we may get ours soon as we are 3 HS sessions in and numbers 4 and 5 booked in!

Don't worry Linzi, you can only be yourself at the end of the day.  Maybe once you get more settled you will feel more at ease to contribute a little?  One day at a time and it is still very new at this stage, and so much info you are probably feeling a little overwhelmed. Some ask loads of questions, others (like me) take it all away and digest it slowly.  When is day 2?

So like I say, session 3 done    Went really well.  Today was all about our relationship.  Bit cringy at times    Also had a cry    But SW said we had done well again, and that she was happy, so there were smiles all round    Medicals week after next, and sessions 3rd and 10th Jan. Then day 4 of prep 31st Jan and meeting our parents the week after.  It's all go but all good  

Love and hugs to all, Lolly xxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Flash - don't worry too much we ended up giving a wedding pic as most of our holiday ones we have a glass of bubbly in hand and didn't want them to think alcohol. They ended up not using ours for panel. It's just to give the panel members an idea of you (person behind the profile as it were). For matching we had to do a separate profile and included different pics then.
X
Linzi - don't worry. I'm sure others felt like you. You don't need to be flamboyant to be a good adopter. You might find it is useful when HS starts especially if you are a reflective person. I found the one on ones with SW more daunting as I do lots of group work with work so I've overcame my shyness and was almost too "work mode".
X


----------



## Arrows

Wow so much movement every time I come on here!

Everything is going so quickly now it's strange to think that more than 6wks have passed since lo came home and yet life has completely changed and though it's hard to remember life with him now it's also still an adjustment. 
In these 6 weeks he's had 3 colds, cut two teeth, learnt to sit up from lying down, learnt to stay sitting up sturdily, learnt to stand up with only holding onto one hand, learnt to start moving his feet if you're holding him and move forward ( only happened today that one!), learnt how to make kissing sounds, said his first word-hello-say miaow and copy sounds , intonation cadence and volume of whatever we're saying. He's learnt to trust us, bonded with us 100%, gotten clingy, and sleep though the night. Finally in the past week he has has a party, his first birthday and helped me to celebrate my graduation ceremony as a finally qualified teacher. He continued to astound me every day! 

You may not experience the same milestones with your own but these are what male it all- the tears, tantrums, sleepless nights and baby brain- worth every minute!


----------



## Flash123

Arrows - that's what dreams are made of and congratulations on your graduation. I'm a teacher and although somedays I lock myself in a very dark cupboard for respite  I wouldn't want any other job in world - apart from that of a mummy of course


----------



## Flash123

Arrrr my posts keep on posting before I have finished typing. 
Linzi - hi and welcome
Lolly and gert - am so glad yours didn't look like a 'hello' shoot. We too are either surrounded by wine glasses or they are those really flattering ones you take yourself when you stretch out your arms....nice  
Lolly -we had our panel date about 5 weeks ago . Paperwork has to be in mid/end of jan and our sw said they are so busy throughout December with emergency situations and indirect contact with cards (so very sad) that very little hs work will take place. Dh and I have another meeting next week and then she said she will bombard us with ? Via email. Still waiting for the medical report though and I'm a little concerned. We passed the gp bit but my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in August  and I've just gone back to work having been on the sick to look after her. I was due to have another laparoscopy in nov but cancelled that because I just can't be incapacitated at the mo. our sw thinks this my cause a little issue - but fingers crossed. I know panel will also bring up my sick leave as I had to go of with stress, it was the only way we could get insurance cover for me in work ??


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow Arrows, that really brought tears to my eyes! Being a mummy suits you down to the ground, and how special that littlie was there to celebrate your graduation with you.  You must have some very special photos  

Thank you for that info Flash!  I was just curious as it seems to vary, from people getting panel dates on their first HS session, to being nearly at the end of the process.  come 10th Jan we will be over half way, so hoping we may have a date soon(ish!)  

Sorry you are worrying about your medical results.  I am sure that it will be ok, as to me it sounds as if you have done the sensible thing all round.  It may be raised at panel, but your SW will support you in what you need to say and demonstrate.  It isn't fair that you are having to worry about that on top of everything else, but as long as you explain the reasoning I can't see them raising too much fuss.  Hope your mum is keeping well   

Just rang to book medicals - yikes!!  We have to have separate appointments as they are half an hour and take up the equivalent of 6 appointment slots    So this is why GPs are always running behind, because they only allocate 5 mins per person    (check out my amazing maths skills   )

Happy Friday all x x x x


----------



## snapdragon

Matching panel said yes. I was very nervous but the panel were very friendly. Our sw was ill so the manager stood in. Called in to see a friend we met at prep gp on the way back and their lo's are so cute. Intros either 2nd or 9th Jan. Going out for lunch now to celebrate.


----------



## GERTIE179

Well done snapdragon - v v pleased for you
Arrows - aww those milestones are v cute and what a way to celebrate ;-)
Flash - I'm sure it will be fine as you can explain it and seems very reasonable to me
X-lolly - our GP allocates 10min per appt but they do medicals over 2slots. We have to get ours redone for panel again so just had to rebook them - I've only visited once since last one was done and DH not at sll! 
AFU - we got some updates on LO y'day and got very excited so that's it I'm now fully enthral led with our LO. Even DH was happy to go to our local mothercare last night as we researched car seats. We hadn't bought anything up til now but now picking up some little bits as we don't know what he will come with.

X x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Fantastic news Snapdragon - Bet its such a relief having that final stamp of approval, roll on the new year xx

Gertie - Thats also very good news, think we are prob going to be proceeding at the same time by the sounds of it. Its strange starting to buy things for the little ones isnt it, im still hesitant although weve been given the green light to, its just difficult to let yourself go completly isnt it. xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

snapdragon....     Really pleased for you..How wonderfull.

linzi...Well done on getting through your 1st day of prep, when is day 2?

arrows...how very special for you to see all of those 1st time moments.

 to everyone...x


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news snapdragon! Have fun getting ready.


----------



## Flash123

Woooo hoooo snapdragon - you are a mummy - how good does that sound ?


----------



## snapdragon

Thanks everyone. Intros now planned for the 2nd Jan. As we have friends staying for the new year its going to be a very busy time.


----------



## nutmeg

Snapdragon - congratulations, so pleased for you. We have MP on Weds this week and we start intros on Thurs 3rd Jan, so will both be having the most exciting weeks!!!

Gertie, so pleased things are moving quickly for you now.

Hello all, hope all your Christmas plans are coming along nicely


----------



## Mrs ABA

OMG snapdragon and nutmeg!  What fabulous news      really exciting!


Sorry for having been a bad ff-er recently, so much has been going on.


So I have my first big milestone to report  


Yesterday we passed panel - unamimously.  We are approved for 1-2 LOs.  V v exciting.  Panel, though, I have to say, was dreadful.  About 12 people we had not met before and a bloke asked me lots of questions about IVF grieving process.  This had already been covered in some length in the report so I really didn't see the need to go over it again and the detail of our ivf journey in detail in front of strangers.  Only plus was that because I was so cross I didn't feel any sadness. It did though mean that it took me a good 2 hours to stop fuming and start celebrating.  I namechecked FF-website which went down well.


The rest of the process so far has been only positive so I don't want to put off potential adopters!  


A
x


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations Mrs ABA, fabulous news, ooooh what a great Christmas you can have now, knowing that next year you will meet your LO(s)    Sorry your panel was pants though


----------



## snapdragon

Congratulations Mrs ABA, sorry to hear about your panel experience but at least its over now. I was completely useless at matching panel. I think they felt sorry for me. Lo's sw said it was the most friendly she had ever seen them.

Nutmeg: good luck for tomorrow.


----------



## Linzi.Larkin

hello ladies, 

wowo so many posts to read through very interesting though 

well second day of prep group tomorrow, filled in the forms however really struggling about references, were ok with the family refernce and we have 1 friend that know us as a couple, anyone else have problems with this?

speak soon x
Linz


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all!!

Congratulations to Snapdragon and Mrs ABA          Such great news    

Nutmeg, good luck for tomorrow, but you won't need it, you will be great  

Linzi, we struggled a little with references as I have only been in this area 4 years which meant the only people who knew us collectively as a couple (other than our family reference) were those from our old location (400 miles away!)  SW said to put someone from where we used to live down and they would get a SW from agency there to visit.  She said we could put people DF knew from childhood and say I met them 4 years ago.  This just means there is potential we may need an additional separate reference each to cover all bases.  But to be honest she is going above an beyond with our family members, and people I encounter as I work with children, so hoping it will be a-ok.  I know it's not quite the same, but wanted to highlight the fact SW can be flexible, and certain situations are workable.  Good luck tomorrow.

DF medical Thursday and mine next week.  Yikes!!!  

Hi to everyone


----------



## gettina

Just a quicky to say AoC you are MiA woman! I keep coming on partly to see if you have said how it's going with you guys. Do pop on and put me out of my misery pls! Hope meeting your LO has brought you and DH much joy and that he is home with you and happy. 
But while I'm on...
Well done mrs ABA and congrats to snapdragon and gertie and good one can't wait. Nutmeg, hope tomorrow is a great day.
Fantastic news and lovely update arrows
And hello to everyone else. 
We have just started again and had an initial visit with a second LA, after deciding we could wait no more for first LA to get moving nearly a year after contacting them. Really hope this one is faster - they seem like they will be. 
Gettina x


----------



## Mrs ABA

Thanks all for your kind wishes!


Hello Girlonsea and welcome.  Try not to worry too much.  They look at everything in the round.  As long as you have a good support network, being single is no problem and I am sure there are loads of vegetarian adopters!  I think most of us give the house a once over when the SW comes round and I was amazed that they described our flat as 'very clean'.  But they are certainly not looking for show homes and mine is far from being that...


We were late for the 1st prep group as it was in the middle of nowhere, but then so was everyone else.


Linzi - we were ok with refs but s/w said that she was willing to go out and see DH's dad in the midlands if we wanted.  We live in London.  So they can be flexible.


A
x


----------



## nutmeg

We got a unanimous and very positive yes from matching panel today 
Feeling a bit teary eyed but still not sure it's sunk in properly and don't think it will until we're driving up to meet her on the 3rd Jan!!!


----------



## peacelily

Yippee, congrats Nutmeg!


----------



## bambinolove

Congratulations Nutmeg

Arrows what a lovely inspiring post!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations Nutmeg, what a lovely early Christmas present and what an amazing start to 2013...so so pleased for you. I bet that you are over the moon and can't wait for Christmas to hurry up and get out of the way Can I ask the age of LO? Understand if you'd rather not say. 

Hi to everyone else, i hope you are getting on well and looking forward to Christmas.

We have seen a profile of a LO that we are really interested in and have asked for more information. Our LA don't do competitive matching so we are assuming that at this stage we are the only ones to have been shown the profile. Both DH and I had exactly the same feeling so we are really hoping that we get some additional info soon so that we can find out more...exciting times

Take care everyone, much love Greenie x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Nutmeg!


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats nutmeg 
Greenie that's really good news. Fingers crossed
Live in hope - hope u r doing ok

I'm on phone just now and hence lack of personals :-(

AFU - we meet the Los FC on Friday and very excited now. Work is soo busy leading up to Xmas and I just want to space out and plan things in my head. I'll need to write down my Qs in case I forget 

X


----------



## beachgirl

We bring our LO home tomorrow forever.....what an amazing year this has been, it'll be sad picking her up and seeing FC's but wonderful knowing that we are now her forever family


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Sorry for lack of personals this evening but I just wanted to let you know our news.......

WE FINALLY HAVE LIFT OFF!!!!   

The LA who came out for an initial visit last Friday have called to today to say they will be taking us on    
We have already been allocated a sw (one of the 2 who visited, and she was lovely so we're really pleased), and have our prep course booked for January. It was originally suggested that we wouldn't need to go on the prep course seeing as it's our 2nd time but they have decided they want us to after all as we were approved by a different LA the first time round.
They are hoping for us to be approved by around May time (they think it should be shorter as it's our 2nd time).
Thanks to everyone for your support so far  

Anj x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo angelisa, amazing news x


----------



## liveinhope

Great News Anj! Hope the time goes quickly for you.

We are doing OK thanks Gertie.  Havent had a lot of time to think too much what with all the build up and excitement with LO for Christmas!  He is getting very excited and we cant wait to have our first family Christmas.  And we have a court hearing tomorrow, hopefully our adoption order will be granted very soon


----------



## skyblu

Hi Everyone.

Congratulation Snapdragon, Mrs ABA and Nutmeg.
So much good news on here at the moment and a lot of lo's on their way to their forever homes 
We had our lo's profile to look at yesterday and everything seems really good only slight concern is that her foster carers are very attached to her and are seem to be bring up red flags up that should of been noticed when she was a lot younger. Did or is anyone been/ going through an adoption where the foster carers are being clingly. I have not met them yet and I feel really quilty in doubting them, but it was brought yesterday as a concern and that their sw are working with them. She is also their first placement which does make it harder but at the same time they chose to foster rather than adopt!
This is hard enough without worring about upsetting them. I know there is a while to go yet and the likely hood of us having her before March is unlikly because there is a shake up happening with the panel team, some are leaving, news ones coming in and all the while our poor lo is going to have to wait 3 months to come home. I know those 3 months will go by quite fast, with Christmas and then getting her bedroom ready and other things that need doing and buying, but at least now I can say I am going to finally be a MUMMY.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## snapdragon

skyblu: sorry you have such a long wait, it will be 4 months for us from the link being confirmed to intros. Our fc also has a problem becoming too attached to the lo's she fosters. This is her 2nd. The first time she found intros very difficult and needed a lot of support from sw's. Thats one reason our intros will be on the short side, about a week. She has been great with us so far but she doesn't want any contact post adoption as she will find it too hard. Her husband wanted to adopt lo which was a worry. Just let the sw's support them. You have enough to think about.

We are beginning to worry about contact with our families post placement. None live near so stay with us when visiting. My parents caught me before I had time to think about it and asked to come up for lo's birthday a few weeks after placement. I really wish I hadn't agreed as I don't think its the best time for lo to meet them and being selfish would have liked it to just be the 3 of us. I have asked them to stay in a hotel which didn't go down well as amongst other reasons lo would have to move out of his room. Problem is my parents have said they will be coming a lot more often and I don't want to keep moving him. I have tried to explain about wanting him to feel settled but they don't get it. It isn't all about moving lo out of his room, the house is very stressful when they visit. I can't actually imagine my dad wanting to keep coming up so I've a feeling mum might come on her own solving the bedroom issue but to be honest I think it will be a nightmare. She is already interfering, ie telling me to toilet train lo straight away and dismissing my explanations of waiting to he is settled and is showing signs of being ready. Sorry for the moan but this should be a happy time and I just don't know what to do.


----------



## Linzi.Larkin

i really loved coming on this page full of good news!! 

xlolly good luck with your medical x
girl on seal welcome xxx how did your prep group go? you sound like me am the same i panic over everything hahah even what shoes i was going to wear incase they had me doing things haha!

congratulations all who has had good news !! xx

second class of prep group yesterday and was so much better xx soo much to take in though but im sure it will come to me  xx we were told orignally that we would be on prep group in febuary so we booked a family holiday so were actually on this course alot earlier than we thought now am panicking about our holiday xx i know which one i would prefer but its still alot of money


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Hi all,

Our SW called, she's struggling to finish our PAR before Christmas but TBH it's worked out ok for us as OH has a poorly foot and it in plaster at the moment so waiting until the new year for panel is not such a bad thing.  Looks like we could be at panel for 7 Feb!  We have a lovely weekend away with friends planned for the 8th so hopefully we can celebrate good news or if necessary commiserate and regroup! All very exciting. x


----------



## liveinhope

No order for us today as birth mum hasnt been served paperwork    However back on 30 Jan when all being well order will be made


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Sorry to hear that things have been delayed liveinhope. I am sure that all will go swimmingly in January.

The LO that we have fallen in love with isn't in our LA (small unitary authority close by) so we are probably not the only ones to have seen the profile, that said our SW put forward our case and the family finder now has our PAR so fingers crossed he/she likes us and will release the CPR. DH and I have both completely fallen in love with LO but having to reign it in as it could all come to nothing but have everything crossed that we could be LO's forever mummy and daddy.

I hope you are all well and not too cold!!! xxx


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks for the congrats everyone 

Greenie - everything crossed for you   Our DD is 5 months now.

LiH - sorry you've got delays (())

Hi Katie and Linzi - don't believe I've said hello yet, sorry!

SD - be firm with your mum. You need to parent your way and if she starts now and you let it carry on, you'll be really sorry    I know it's easier said than done, but it is so important you do what feels right for your family right now. Your mum will come round   

Skyblu - I agree with SD, as difficult as it is, you need to try and not worry about the FCs. They will get the support they need and you need to concentrate on you and your LO.

Anjelissa - great news   

Gertie - good luck tomorrow, we really enjoyed meeting our DDs FCs - hope you get loads of photos etc.

Beachgirl - I so hope everything has gone well today and your dream is now a reality. You must feel amazing.

Hi to everyone else
xx


----------



## bluebabe

Skyblu, we were in exactly the same position, all the sw were aware of the fc clinginess and to be honest we just went along with everything during intros but once lo's were placed I did contact fc via email, sent a couple of pics etc but we have tried to totally reduce contact.  They were just too much, wanting to meet up, and other stuff, I feel really bad but we need to put our family first and they are our family now, that sounds tight doesn't it but it's how we feel.  I think it's lovely how some families keep in contact with fc I really do, but in our situation it was inappropriate xx


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi all. I had my initial visit with a SW yesterday. I was so nervous and the house has never been so clean!  It seemed to go well, she liked us, the house etc. everything was great until my health came up. I have been diagnosed with MS. It does not affect me and my work, life or activities, I just get tingling in my legs. She is not sure about it and so I have to have a medical straight away and get my neurologist to fill out some forms and then she will get it all reviewed by a medical advisor. I am frustrated as we can not proceed any further. 
Has anyone had experience of either adoption with MS or another health issue where things were delayed before prep? Did it sort itself out ok? I know they are doing their job but I am so scared of being rejected!
Thank you all for your advise. I have been ducking in and out of this forum, but will def try to keep up with everyone's wonderful stories! 
Nic x


----------



## Anjelissa

Thanks for all your good wishes    

skyblu....I could pretty much mirror what bluebabe has said re/foster carer. It was our fc's first placement and due to how she inappropriately handled our introduction period and various other factors, we (and both sw's) also felt that contact was inappropriate. She was given a lot of support and guidance following our placement and has now gone on to have a few other long term placements, and hopefully now manages their introductions and transition periods in the correct manner.
Although our sw's were totally supportive of us severing contact totally I do send an email to her with pics around the same time as I write our letter box contact to bp's and we also send a Christmas card.
Although she unintentionally made things quite difficult for us, I do however appreciate how hard it must have been for her and I just felt that a yearly email update of how our little man is and news of his milestones etc wont do any harm, and I know she really appreciates it.
We all agreed though that any direct contact with her wouldn't be in our lo's best interest and we couldn't guarantee that she would act appropriately.
As bluebabe also said, I agree that it's lovely that many families do have a very positive and beneficial ongoing relationship with their fc's but for us we just had to make the difficult decision to deny requests for visits etc.
You just have to do what you feel is in your lo's best interest and don't be bullied by anyone to do what doesn't feel right   

Anj x


----------



## Zargus

Hello.  I hope you don't mind me joining your chat.  DH and I have recently decided to start the adoption process.  We went to an info evening at an LA a couple of boroughs away a couple of weeks ago and something about that particular agency just seemed to feel right for us, so we have taken the plunge and completed their initial enquiry form.  I’ve just had a phone call from them and I now have our initial visit next Tuesday morning.  This came as a shock since we were told to expect appointments in January but it's nice to be able to get the ball rolling. I'm really excited but at the same time absolutely bl00dy petrified.  I assume this is normal behaviour lol.

So this weekend I want to get our Christmas tree up and clean the house from top to bottom.  Not that my house is that dirty, I just want to give a good impression!

Anyway, look forward to chatting to you and hearing about your journeys on this path.


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

have not been on here for aaaaaaages, due to being 'invaded' by two small children ...
I hope you are all doing well, I guess, I should be writing about how it is all worth it in the end, but you know what? it is also bl**dy hard work!!
I am unsettled by my ever changing feelings, sleepless nights and worries about 2LOs well-being.
I wish you all the best and can only say that after 2 months normality has not yet set in, here is to hoping!!

Excuse the moaning.

Anne


----------



## snapdragon

AnneS: lovely to hear from you. Sorry you are finding things hard going, hopefully it will improve with time.  Friends from our prep gp are about 6 weeks in and finding it tough too.


----------



## skyblu

Thank you Snapdragon, Anjelissa, Nutmeg and Bluebabe for your advice and giving me an insight to your stories, it is very much appreciated.
I just cant wait for Christmas to be over and the new year in so the time will hopfully go quick so we can bring our little girl home.
Snapdragon I hope you have your little man home with you sooner rather than later and Anjelissa good luck with lo no 2.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AnneS

Hi there,

thanks for your reply Snapdragon. I was really down because of illness and sleepless nights etc. The last two days have been SO much better and I got a glimps of happiness and normality - I like this!!! 

And I generally wanted to say: don't be daunted by changing feelings and doubts. It is simply part of the process and (for me) did not even stop after we were blessed with two little monsters. I better shut up. I am sounding negative again. I am just finding it hard, that my feelings have not yet caught up with our reality - we are parents!!!

Take care everyone. I will go and take myself to the parenting threads and moan there   

Anne


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Anne,

Don't be silly, this is the place to vent. It must be a massive change bringing home not 1 but 2 Los. We were approved in oct and as desperate as we are to be matched we (me) are really scared about how life is going to change and how we are going to cope. I am excited and terrified in equal measures!!!! How old are your Los? 

Take care and look forward to your first family Christmas x


----------



## Frangipanii

Evening Ladies. Well no time for personals I am afraid. So sorry. Selfish person that I am. No not selfish really!!! In fact I am very interesting in everything going on with you all. But tonightas I am exhausted and moving house tomorrow I have not the brain power to manage it from my phone. Also my dad is having a biopsi tomorrow as we have just found out he has skin cancer. He really is acting strange over it all whiv is not really surprising but I am not used to him being strange as it is usually him who is straight up with everything. 
Should be starting homestudy soon and cannot wait. All going to plan but tomorrow is a big day so lets seee what happens. We chose this next house cos it has four bedrooms and a bigger garden so fingers crossed this is going to be lucky for the kids we hope to have!!!
Much love xxx


----------



## Flash123

Best of luck for tomorrow frangipani with both the house and your dad, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of aug/ beg of September, she's doing fantastically well but I know how you must be feeling. It's so hard seeing other people go through tough times when you are so helpless - I would have swopped places with her in a heartbeat. Sending you hugs (((((())))))) but you know what they say about a new house and all that


----------



## Anjelissa

Anne....big hugs   
It took a good 2 months, possibly more for us to feel anywhere near settling down after the initial shock and that was with only one lo placed  
I can only imagine how much longer it would take with 2 lo's at once   
You are doing amazingly, and like Greeniebop said, feel free to vent here, I for one wouldn't want to be just a 'fair weather friend' on here  

frangipanii....Big hugs for you too   , thinking of you for tomorrow x

Anj x


----------



## nutmeg

Good luck with the move frangi and hoping things go okay with your dad   

Anne - you're doing a great job, please remember that - nobody can do it all at once and you have to give yourself time to adjust; it's a steep learning curve


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

A bit of a me post... I am officially p**ing my proverbial pants today. The social worker for 2 LOs is coming to see us tomorrow, I have blitzed the house, done everything I can to make everything look and feel good for them (including buying special biscuits for dietary requirements... get me! lol) but I am really nervous, what if they don't like us, what if they think the dog is too loud or boisterous. Arghhh..... thankfully I have a busy day / evening today to get me through it but I thought I would come on here for some understanding and sensible talking to!!!

Hope everyone else is well and your process wherever you are in it is moving along nicely.


----------



## snapdragon

bambinolove: Just be yourself, I'm sure it will be fine. Good luck.

Our sw is so good. We have just received a Christmas card from lo with a photo of him looking at our intro photo book. She has written lo loves his book he even kisses you goodnight. How lovely is that.


----------



## bambinolove

Snapdragon Thank you! 

Your LOs SW is lovely, such a thoughtful thing to do.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

How adorable snapdragon. Bet you can't wait to meet LO.

No news from potential LO's SW but know that what is meant to be will be. Roll on Friday the kids at school are crazy and ready for Christmas and the staff are exhausted! 

Can't believe how quickly this year has gone. We hadn't even been to an info session this time last year and now we are waiting to find our LO

Take care all x


----------



## nutmeg

Bambino - good luck tomorrow, can't wait for your update    You'll be fine, try not to worry too much.

Snapdragon - how wonderful is that? Just gorgeous - I've been all wobbly today thinking about out LO not spending Christmas with us


----------



## Unconditional-love

HI ladies,

Just to say we have received mail to state our home study shall begin on 3rd Jan even though we still have 3 prep evening courses to attend which don't begin till the end of January. Is this normal to start homestudy before prep is over?

Our sw will be coming from Manchester which is about an hour away from us, I hope the distance doesn't delay our process.

Also has anyone had to write a life story for sw as part of homestudy??

Snapdragon, that's so sweet  

xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi unconditional love,

We did. Mine was about 5 pages long and DH's about 2. I just wrote about growing, important people, milestones etc.

Good luck x


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: Quite normal, we also started home study before we finished prep. Our sw came from Scarborough, a very long drive, and it didn't cause any problems. Are they an independent rather than a la sw? Independent sw's are usually more flexible with the hours they work. We did a life story as part of our homework.


----------



## Frangipanii

Evening, just wanted to thank the well wishes!!! We are now in house and i amin shock. My dad is good just peed off at having to wait 4-5 weeks to find out type of skin cancer...but at least what was there has been removed!! must go sleep been at it for 18 hours . sorry for short and sweet!! xx


----------



## Flash123

Frangipani - take care xx

Unconditional - since completing hs we have only had 1 more session (that totals only 4!!!!!!!!) and the next time we see our sw is  in the new year with our completed par, so it does seem quite normal. We also had to do a complete life story . Although it was hard at first it was so emotional. Both dh and I cried like babies when we read each others. I think we had both forgotten what the other had been through and it really brought home how all the treatment and if had really effected dh. Soul bearing stuff. The 3rd of jan will soon be here - along with the manic cleaning  x


----------



## newmum

Thank you Flash reading your post had helped me and I will share it with DH. DH found his 121 chat with SW very upsetting because it brought up some childhood memories he wanted to forget


Frangipany

Good luck in your new home. We moved in June this year and still settling in. We also moved for the bedroom space.
All the best to your Dad

AFU next appointment with SW will be next year, and we are going to try and fit in weekly meetings

NM2b x


----------



## custard

Hi all!
I've been reading for ages, but not really posted over here before. I thought I'd pop in today and wave at everyone! We've got our SW coming over tomorrow to get our signatures on our completed PAR, and we're at panel at the end of January. It's been lots of work, but really worthwhile, and we're raring (and scared!) to be so close to the biggest life-change we've ever had!
Merry Christmas to all, and lots of luck to everyone.
J xx


----------



## Zargus

Snapdragon - that's so sweet and really brings it home just how worthwhile this long intrusive process really is.

Frangipany - good luck in your new home and hope your dad gets better soon

I had my initial home visit yesterday.  All went well and she said we'd hear in January if they are going to take our approach forward and if they do we should get on the prep course in February.  She said all being well (she used that phrase a lot) we could be going to panel this time next year.  We have a long road ahead of us though, so I'm going to contain my excitement for now.  I'm looking forward to NYE, I normally hate it, but I can't wait to see the back of this year and see in a brand new year which will see the start of our new journey.

BTW I'm relatively new to this section of the board, what does PAR stand for?


----------



## peacelily

PAR = Prospective Adopter's Report


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,
Not long now until Christmas!   , a very exciting time for those with lo's placed this year   , and to those of you not quite there yet, just think, this time next year will be a very special time for you  

Just wanted to share my proud moment (well, most recent one anyway   ) , we went to our little man's Christmas production on Monday and when we got there we were handed a little programme and our ds was only cast as Joseph!   A very proud Mummy and Daddy moment (who incidentally were both shepherds, sheep or fairies (my personal favourite as a child)...me that one btw...not dh, lol   
He was soooooooo cute and so good, bless him, sat there cuddling baby Jesus on his lap (although I'm sure he must have swiped him from Mary  ).
We were worried that he may be overwhelmed and upset by all of us sat watching, but he just sat there grinning and waving the whole time whilst singing his Christmas songs (Father Christmas needs a wee wee...new one to me, lol  ).
My jaw hurt from sitting there grinning throughout! Mind you, I had to fight off tears  
Just thought that was a nice one to share with you all   

J (Custard), my old friend   , I've seen you fleetingly on here from time to time but I don't know if I've ever welcomed you, just wanted to say it's so lovely to see you here and I can't wait to hear news of your approval and then the even more wonderful news of a match, not much longer to go now   

Little man is just being collected from Grandma's so better dash,
Anj x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Anjelissa, how very very special you must be so proud..  

greeniebop, thank you i think i shall make a start on that in my free time.   


snapdargon, Thank you. Sw is coming from manchester and is a team manager in fc there, so she must be an independent. I'm guessung she is flexible as she's coming late evening 8.30pm. She did say the first appointment will be very informal just basically introductions and planning visits. If you dont mind me asking how long did your home study take to get through and how often were your visits?

Flash123, thank you, i'm looking forward to the life story as i think it will bring back good memories (and some bad of course). As for manic cleaning, dh has bad OCD so i'll let him continue for now! infact i think one of the hardest things for him when/if we are blessed with a lo will be letting the housework go. He is far too clean and organised but thats something him and his siblings have inherited from their mum.  

Hi everyone else xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone!!

Angelissa   Super proud mummy moment    Well done on fighting the tears, I know that is something I will have to be careful with as I cry over everything!!

Frangi, hope you are not sat in a sea of boxes.... expect you probably are.  I hope this home has many happy times to come    So sorry to hear about your dad, it sounds as if things are in place though so I hope him a speedy recovery.  Bug hugs  

Snapdragon, how lovely, what a treasured possession that card will be.  You are so close now  

Unconditional love, that is fab that you have some concrete dates now.  3rd of Jan must be a good day, it is our next booked session with SW.  Happy cleaning   

Greeniebop, it really is crazy to think what a difference a year makes    Time flies when you are having fun I guess    Just think how different next Christmas will be  

Sorry to hear you are having a wobble nutmeg, i'm sure people that are in your situation are feeling many similar emotions.  I'm sure your eldest DD will be busily keeping you distracted and before you know it you will be meeting LO.  Hugs to you  

Hi to everyone else, I hope that wherever you are in your journey you are taking positive steps towards finding your forever families  

Some news this end, me and DF have both sailed through our medicals    Although having had mine after my 3 course (plus coffee and chocolate, so technically 4 course) work Christmas lunch was not the best.  When he felt my stomach I thought I might puke!!  Luckily my BMI was within range still - felt like I had put a stone on  

So next steps are two more HS sessions in January, and our final day of prep 31st Jan.  Looking forward to seeing everyone from the group again.  I can't believe we are about half way now


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: We had visits every 2 weeks, some sw's do every week. We had around 8 meetings together and an individual one each, though we had a change in sw so had to repeat some bits. Sw's can vary quite a bit some do less but longer meetings and some more but shorter. Ours were usually around 1 and a half hours. Some give you loads of homework and some none. We got loads and our PAR was around 50% our own words.


----------



## liveinhope

Wow Anj, how exciting! We had little man's nativity today too, he was a shepherd and completely fab!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi Ladies, I am hopeless at posting at the min, so much going on.

I keep reading every now and again but I am being hopeless at even that, I'm not up to date at all. 

I've had a few emails recently with requests for updating the posters list, I have updated what I can but seeing as I'm not up to date myself there's prob still some discrepancies.
Is there someone else who would like to take over the updating of the posters list, perhaps a keen new comer (like I was when I started it) who is going to be on regularly and will do a better job of updating it then what I am at the min. For the meantime feel free to email me updates and I will update the list when I can.

So sorry for not being a "Team Player" on the forum at the min, I just don't have the time. Hopefully I will be on a bit more come the New Year.

Thinking of you all where ever you are in the process


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks for updating Can't Wait, hope everything is okay.

I'd offer to take it on myself, but think come January I may have my hands full    Hopefully someone will be along shortly.


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

A quick one, happy to say we are now matched with two gorgeous little boys. 

We can't wait to be a Mummy and Daddy in the New Year, best Christmas present ever.


----------



## bluebabe

Congrats bambino, what ages are they xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats bambino....lovely news.

The LO we were interested in has fallen through Apparently he is not yet ready to be adopted and our SW doesn't understand why his profile was released. We are quite philosophical about it all.

Hope you are all well and getting ready for Christmas. We are going skiing for the new year so if I don't get on here before we go I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. For those of you counting down the days until you meet your LOs, wishing you all the best....so pleased for you and a lovely way to begin 2013.

Much love

Greenie x


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,

thanks for the replies. I have to say, I am not sure where to post as on the adoption parenting thread there are some very specific groups, which I do not seem to fit. 

Greeniebop - thanks. yes it is a massive adjustment. And ours are young and close in age: 2 and 1 years old!

Frangipanii - poor you, moving house and the worry about your dad. I hope it all goes as well as possible

Anj - thank you for kind and understanding words. Yes, normality is only now starting to peek through

Nutmeg - thanks! Good luck to you and i hope time flies to the 3rd for you!

Bambinolove - OMG - 2, like us. Don't be put off/worried by my post, I am just tired. Good luck!!!!

Snapdragon - your LO sound very cute!!

Oh dear there is our girl kicking off again, she is not a happy bunny tonight. Help!!

Wish me luck,

Anne


----------



## VEC

Hi all

Anne, do you have access to the post placement section?  But I really wanted to say you might want to join the birth club group(s) that fit with your children's ages.  We have a lovely adopter on our birth club thread.  . If the children of all the posters are all roughly the same age, then you'd be sharing a lot of similar experiences.  Only thing is, given the ages of your children, there'd. Be a fair amount of chat re ttc.  Incidental generally but when people get pregnant it can become a bit much.  Shout if you'd like a link.  Xx


----------



## AnneS

Hi VEC,

I don't think I do have access ... please send me a link! And thanks for your quick reply. I might peak into the birth club, but I can't deal with a super busy thread at the mo and though my guess is that my children show primarily "normal" behaviour (goodness, how i hate the word "normal"!!), I would like some exchange with other adopters initially. 

Our girl settled down eventually last night - she is teething, poor thing.   

Both LOs bounced back this morning, it is just me suffering the effects of disrupted sleep and not having had breakfast until now   

Anne


----------



## wynnster

I have sent Mel a PM for access to post placement for you Anne    You're welcome to pm me in the meantime (I have 2 adopted children, 5 and 2)


----------



## peacelily

VEC said:


> We have a lovely adopter on our birth club thread.  .


Thanks Martha


----------



## liveinhope

Wynnster, any chance you can get them to send me a link too.  I sent an email request a couple of days ago but havent heard anything yet....

Cheers


----------



## CKay

bookmarking


----------



## VEC

Anne, I totally understand what you're saying about not wanting to hear too much baby chat, and also about chatting with other adopters.  

If anyone else is wanting access to the post placement section, fill in the contact form (link on page one of this thread).  And if there's a delay in response, that's presumably because it's a busy time of year but I'll check up on it.

While I'm here, happy Christmas everyone.  It's lovely reading this thread, you're all so supportive and there is just so much good news.  For everyone waiting for panel, matching and intros, I'm hoping 2013 is your year.  And those with los already at home, yay!

Martha x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, hope you are all coping with rain. We are in the area all over the news. Feeling so terrible for so many who had just cleaned up this morning and now flooded again. They have opened my school for evacuation! Here's hoping we get through the worst of the weather tonight and that it gives everyone a break. 

Take care everyone x


----------



## beachgirl

well, we've had our LO home for nearly two weeks now and she's settling in great, got a cold and teething but currently asleep in spare bedroom with daddy......still doesn't feel real and still a shock to the system but definately worth it, merry christmas to you all xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi ladies!! Just wanted to say hi! 

Beachgirl!! Wow what a wonderful thing to read. Hope u have the most wonderful christmas.

Vec. Tha ks for all you do, have a fantastic christmas!!

Greenlebop...hope u are warm and safe!! must be devastating for all those affected!!! much love to yoh and I hope the weather settles and you have a fantastic christmas!! Oh and sorry to hear about Lo!

Anne, i hope this christmas is the start to settlement and much more happiness!! I am sure things will improve, biggest love and hugs to you all!! xx 

Bambinolove...wow what exciting news!!! U must be over the moon!! officially the last christmas alone!!! much love to you and yo


----------



## Frangipanii

sorry phone playing up....
was supposed to say much love to you and your family!!

We have moved. Love the new house and the new life we have in it!!My dad is good just waiting for results of the biopsi but he is keeping his mood upbeat!!

Hope u are already for christmas!!! 

hopefully this is our last one on our own!!! 

much love 

fx


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

thanks for more kind replies and advice and help! 
VEC and Wynnster - thanks for the pms - Mel has been in touch!
peacelily - nice to meet you and I hope your wait for no 2 will not be too long!!
liveinhope - see you on the post placement thread soon!
greeniebop - glad you are not directly affected by the rain. Good luck!
Beachgirl - HUGE congratulations. And a lovely Christmas
frangipanii - thanks, I hope so too, haha!! Have a lovely time yourself.

Everyone else here: enjoy your Christmas break and may 2013 be your year. You are a lovely bunch and will make great parents.
take care,

Anne


----------



## oliver222

Just wanted to say hope everyone has a lovely Xmas.
I have my first HS tomorrow. Hoping all goes well and my social worker is lovely and a good start to my Christmas.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hope Hs goes greatOliver222!!! Merry christmas to u x x x


----------



## Belliboo

Just wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas & for everyone still waiting to meet their little ones hope your dreams come true in 2013 xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

No time to read back I'm afraid, but I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and all you wish for in 2013!     
  

Lots of love Anj x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Merry Christmas one and all   Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year xxxxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

We want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas & for all of us who are waiting to meet little ones i really do hope and pray our dreams come true in 2013 or not long after anyway!!

Love to all..

   .xxx


----------



## nutmeg

No time for personals I'm afraid, just wanted to come on and wish each and every one of you a very Fabulous Christmas    Hope you enjoy every minute.
xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Much love and merriment to you all this christmas. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow whether its your first christmas with your children or your last christmas without children!!! I will be waking up inthe morning going to see my geese and chickens thinking of how things will be different for us all next year!! 
happy christmas everyone, love to you all. x x x


----------



## liveinhope

Merry Christmas ladies.  If you are like me and about to have your first Christmas as a Mummy, enjoy every moment.  If you were like me last year, waiting, just think the best is yet to come

Lots of love all xxx


----------



## skyblu

Hi Ladies, just wanted to say a Very Happy Christmas and a very happy and different New Year.
Our New Year is hopefully going to be fantastic, We will have pic of our lo on the 3rd of Jan all paper work completed for the 21st and matching panel end of Feb and out lo will hopefully be home first week of March. Cant wait. Does anyone know the name of the photo talking book you get from Amazon?

 MERRY CHRISTMAS LADIES  

Skyblu.xx


----------



## snapdragon

Its Tomy discovery forget me not photo book.


----------



## skyblu

Thanks Snapdragon.xx


----------



## Flash123

It is so lovely reading all about you lovely ladies who are experiencing Christmas as a mummy for the first time - it is what dreams are made of and is making me go all goose pimply lol

For dh and I, Christmas has always been a benchmark. Another one just the 2 of us.....this will be the last 1 just the 2 of us.....next year Christmas will be so different....etc. but this year - for the first time it is a proper possibilty. For the first time in I don't know how long I am actually excited about christmas and what next year could bring and it feels bl***y fantastic!!!!!! 

So a very merry Christmas to you all. Take care and enjoy xxx

HO HO HO


----------



## beachgirl

Also as well as the Tomy book, mothercare do a key ring which you can insert three photos into, especially useful for those matched with babies and toddlers...merry christmas


----------



## someday

Flash123 said:


> It is so lovely reading all about you lovely ladies who are experiencing Christmas as a mummy for the first time - it is what dreams are made of and is making me go all goose pimply lol
> 
> For dh and I, Christmas has always been a benchmark. Another one just the 2 of us.....this will be the last 1 just the 2 of us.....next year Christmas will be so different....etc. but this year - for the first time it is a proper possibilty. For the first time in I don't know how long I am actually excited about christmas and what next year could bring and it feels bl***y fantastic!!!!!!
> 
> So a very merry Christmas to you all. Take care and enjoy xxx
> 
> HO HO HO


Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Flash this is exactly how I feel!! Bring on 2013!xxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Merry Christmas all - hope today has been very good for you all. We've enjoyed our last Xmas as a family of two as we meet our little one in 3.5 weeks!! X


----------



## BECKY7

Hello ladies  hope you all had great Xmas .

Wonder if any of you lovely ladies could help me ,  I would like to know what age baby did you get , as I would love to have new born and wonder if that is still possible and how do they chose which baby for you.
Thank ou

Becky7 xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all!!

I hope you all had lovely Christmases, and that those experiencing it as parents for the first time found the day as magical as I am imagining it to be in my head!!     

We have enjoyed our time, and I had great fun playing games and Barbie dolls with my niece on the big day.  I really hope that next year we will be a little family, and I guess it is very possible...    We have completed our homework for home study session number 4 on 3rd Jan, and have started work on our support network and family trees.  I have been reading lots of adoption blogs lately and they are mainly very positive stories of the greatest love possible.  Our SW suggested I start blogging... hmmm... watch this space    I must admit to being super angry though when I went to type 'adoption home study' into google and got no further than 'adoption ho' when adoption horror stories popped up      For it to be at the top of the list ahead of home study shows the stigma attached to adoption even today.  Made me sad, angry, but even more determined  

Right best go, my arm is going dead from typing with the cat lay across me    Happy New Year to you all  

Lolly xxxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Becky7 - it may help you to check out the below link as this gives you good insight. For what it's worth I had to let to of the little baby I imagined having before going down adoption as I was told how unlikely this would be. DH and I went into this aiming for a toddler and have been matched with a little one of 12months. People have adopted babies but it is rarer and even if matched with a young baby there is the fact that the process can sometimes delay things unbeknown to you and so it can be a huge frustration when you want your LO home so young (ours will be 15months by time home).

Good luck in your path x

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=299190.0


----------



## gettina

Just sending festive wishes to everyone. 
I hope those of you who are families in waiting had a good one and those experiencing their first Christmas as parents had a wonderful time. I'd love to hear about firsts! Hope little ones have been joyful and not overwhelmed by family, gifts, excitement.
I've found it a transition Christmas. Virtually no tears for the first time in years; moved by some time with my one year old nephew; fragile about my pregnant sister and, having not got properly started yet, little prospect of this being our last childless one, but able to look forward to the prospect of good times....
Love to all, Gettina x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All, Merry Christmas to you all.

Sorry for the delay in coming back... Our last Christmas alone has had us running here, there, and everywhere. Next year we're staying put and they can come to us!!

Blue babe - 1&2... Couldn,'t have asked for better ages.
AnneS - Not expecting a ball 24/7 I am sure it will be hard work but you won't put me off. Hope things are better now.
Greeniebop so sorry to hear that, hope you have a match really soon, everything crossed for you. 

To everyone else, I hope the rest of the holidays are relaxed (unlike mine as its my busiest time of the year, but as I won't be doing it next year I don't care!!!) And if I don't get on here, Happy New Year!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone.

Hope you've all had a lovely Christmas. We're off skiing for new year tomorrow (hopefully our last 'grown up' holiday) so I wanted to pop on and wish you all a very happy new year. To those of you about to meet your LO, lots of luck, to those waiting to find LO, here's to 2013 being the year it happens, and to those of you on the journey, all the best.

Here's to a happy and healthy 2013.

Greenie x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all, 

Hope you've all had a fab Christmas x 

Back from my jollydays, which was great but strange. (Will say more in a mo)

Lots happened on here as always, some very exciting times ahead for us all ♥

I went away knowing about 2 very special pumpkins that I am totally head over heels in love with, we have known about them for 2 months and will finally get to meet the childrens sw, family finder and adoption supervisor in 18 days, I think we are still the only onesas others were ruled out.

Holiday was weird, I felt so far away from the LOs, atleast at home I can do something for them...I.e. shop, nest etc. I just want to know if they are going to be ours.

I am totally besotted.....both bedrooms are finished, started as a generic room but both are now very much for them and gender specific ith clothes in wardrobes from the sales! I know I am silly but I figure....I love the LOs, if I was preggers with them I would be doing it so what the heck!

I will be devastated if it all goes wrong, I guess I will just have to wait and see. 

Sorry about the me me me post 

X x X


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,

a more happy message from me: the LOs and us have enjoyed a lovely Christmas. we managed to keep it relatively calm, but also nice and full of joys. They loved unpacking their presents and of course playing with the packaging ...   
we had two Christmas meals together, where I treated them like little adults, proper plates, same food etc. They absolutely loved it!

Here is wishing you all the best for 2013! May your dreams come true.

Anne


----------



## GERTIE179

Greenie - have a great snow holiday. I'd love to learn how to ski!
BIL - great news about your Los
CWTBAM - it's difficult isn't it. I've been very restrained but since we are doing things in reverse I feel I've been able to take advantage of the sales. We were going to squeeze a week away in new year but I've decided I wld rather be here and nest :-D
Anne - how lovely for u all. Glad things are coming together for you. It's a tough time (even with all the beaming smiles) so go easy on yourselves.

Hi all to everyone else. Hope you have a happy new year when it comes
X


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all, sorry I've not been on since a few days before Christmas, but it's been so very busy, but fantastic too.

We meet our baby girl on Thursday and it's sooo strange with it being so close now and everytime I think about it, my stomach flips. We cannot wait. We will both be walking DD to school on Thursday morning and then driving up to see her sister   
Hope you're having a fab holiday Greenie.
CWTBAM - (()) to you sweetie, I so hope everything goes smoothly here on in.

Not sure I'll get online again now before Thursday but will try and get on Thurs evening to let you know how it went.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and here's to a magical New Year all round


----------



## liveinhope

Enjoy meeting your daughter Nutmeg, am sure it will be magical.  

Whilst Im on here I wish you all a Happy New Year, a year when all you wish for comes true xxx


----------



## Flash123

Fab, exciting times ahead Nutmeg - enjoy every moment.

To everyone else in the 'Adoption Club', wherever that may be -  here's to a happy, healthy and utter fantastic 2013. May all our dreams come true xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Nutmeg, what  way to see in the new year...you get to  meet your little girl so soon x  

Have a fantabulous new year everyone, I hope it brings us all what we are dreaming of and hoping for. Good luck forc2013, I'm sure it's going to be a good one. 

Simone x x


----------



## snapdragon

Haven't been on for a while. Trying to get everything ready for Wednesday when we meet lo. Will try and come on in the evening.


----------



## Dreams do come true

snapdragon said:


> Haven't been on for a while. Trying to get everything ready for Wednesday when we meet lo. Will try and come on in the evening.


And are you ready 

Snapdragons very very very nearly a mummy  Have a fantastic new year honey x x x


----------



## Flash123

Such wonderful news to start the new year.

Snapdragon - that was your last 'sensible ' grown up Christmas and new year here comes the madness, the mayhem, the sleepless nights - all of which are a dream come true. I can't wait till its us  have a wonderful time meeting your lo xx


----------



## Belliboo

Just wanted to wish everyone all the best for 2013 & I hope that its the year that everyones dreams to come xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Happy New Year to you all    To all the mummies who continue to share their lovely news with us thank you, it is so inspiring to read.  To all the super-soon-to-be-mummies waiting to meet their babies have an amazing amazing time.  And to all those still waiting lets make 2013 a very special year.

Lolly xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Happy new year to all good luck all the ladies who are becoming Mummies in the next few days. I've been reading all the diaries for a while. Enjoy 2013 x x


----------



## skyblu

Happy New Year everyone.

We get a picture of our lo on Thursday, even though we know everthing about her and what she looks like to get a picture of her is going to be so special, especially when dh and I have a different concept on what she looks like 

Let's hope 2013 will be year of many happy memories and put the last few years to bed.

Nutmeg- have a lovely time on Thursday 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## daisy0609

Happy new year everyone I hope 2013 is everything that you want it to be and that we all get our wish sooner rather than later xxx


----------



## gettina

Happy 2013 eveyone.
Looking forward to hearing joyful devolopments from everyone here throughout the year. 

Beach girl, AoC, Anne S, bambinoinlove, blue babe, Poochie, and the other lovely ladies I will have forgotten to name - hope the first new year with little ones feels special. 
Nutmeg, snapdragon, gertie,liveinhope and sky blu - wow! Exciting times. Hope the forthcoming intros go wonderfully.
Good luck cwtbam
Hope the skiing is great wherever you are greeniebop.
And good luck to all of you who like me are earlier in the journey. Hope we all make fabulous progress towards being mums in 2013.
Gettina 
X


----------



## newmum

Happy 2013 to you all. Lets hope this is our year x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Just read back a few pages and its lovely to bring in this new year hearing so much wonderfull news, gives me a nice warm happy feeling for all of you ladies with such special news.

Happy new year, and to all like me who have begun the process let's hope and pray 2013 makes all of our dreams come true...x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

ditto to that Unconditional. Feeling impatieng for things to get moving now!!!! Whats your next stage?!.
I just want to be  have a family. Weird isnt having to wait so long to get permission to be a mum when I have been pregnant four + times! I know I know it is about the children but come on already its the 1st lets get going!!! , te he. to honest perhaps...oh well I am just keen and raring to go!!! 
Happy new year all. Hope its bloody brilliant for everyone no matter what stage!!!
fx


----------



## Flash123

Here here frangipani and unconditional xx couldn't agree more

6 weeks today till panel !!!!!!!!!!!! Am starting to get excited but I am also trying to pull myself back as I know plenty can still go wrong and that after panel things don't get any easier. Our sw is coming to see us now in the new year just to tie up loose ends and to hopefully show us our par. It needs to be submitted last week of jan so fingers crossed (but she has been super efficient up to now) whenever I think about it I get such butterflies....daft I know but as you also all know, it's because it means so much and we can't wait to be a mummy and daddy.

I know it is way too soon and premature but with all these wonderful sales about it has been so hard not buying some essentials that I know if we get approved, no matter what age our match is we will need such as cot sheets. Can't wait to do some shopping. How shallow    

Take care all x


----------



## peacelily

Happy New Year to you all! Sorry I haven't posted recently...anyway, just wanted to say to Nutmeg, have a fantastic day tomorrow meeting your new daughter   


Peacelily xx


----------



## snapdragon

Happy new year. First day of intros today went very well. Lo came straight up to me to show me the photo book we made him. Kept wanting to sit on my lap for stories. The only problem was he didn't want to sit on my husbands knee and kept calling me mama and daddy. If things continue to go well we bring him home on Monday.


----------



## Flash123

Wow snapdragon, what a fab day. Wow Monday- i never drempt intro's could be so short. enjoy your next few treasured days till your lo is home forever xx


----------



## nutmeg

Fantastic snapdragon, so pleased for you.

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm feeling pretty anxious but excited right now!


----------



## Unconditional-love

frangipani..I know how you feel. the next stage for us is tomorrow we have our 1st homestudy and we will meet our sw. Although we still havn't completed our prep training as we have another 3 days of that which doesn't continue for another 4 weeks.  

flash, i'm sure panel will be fine, from what i have learnt it's completely normal to be so nervous, after all it's the most important thing for us to be approved so if nerves didn't come into it we wouldn't be normal.   

nutmeg...good luck   

snapdragon, how wonderfull, i bet it was sureal for you today and roll on monday, your forever family will be complete, so happy for you and lo will i'm sure come around and be jumping on daddys knee before you know it..  

AFU...Our first homestudy tomorrow  (8.30pm) and we will meet our sw, spoke to her on the phone and she seems very nice lets hope i'm still thinking the same after the 1st visit. Not feeling to bad at the minute but i know the nerves will kick in tomorrow..


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah snapdragon that is so lovely bet you loved every minute of stories. Don't worry about DH most young children are really Mummy's boys and girls and then as they get older it becomes for even. Nutmeg how exciting will look forward to hearing about it in your diary. Although I doubt you will have any time to update you'll be far to busy


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lovely new year news to read!! Congrats on meeting your little one snapdragon, have a great time getting to know one another!

Enjoy meeting your baby girl tomorrow Nutmeg!!! You must be beside yourself right now!

Good luck starting home study tomorrow unconditional love! Wow, 8.30, you have a fab SW to come after hours, although have a feeling you may be a tad sleepy by the time she leaves!!

Hi to everyone else, hope that the first couple of days of 2013 have been good ones!

As for me, we have 4th session tomorrow. Gonna be a toughie as its all about our journey to have a child, treatments, failures and how we were able to move on to adoption. Have also been having some pain the last few days which I think is an endo flare up. Crazy, nothing for ages, I write about it in my homework and bam, my body remembers its there and im achey! Although I dont reckon the big doughnut I have just eaten will have helped matters!


----------



## Belliboo

Snap dragon & nutmeg hope your introductions go well its amazing meeting your LO's isn't it xx


----------



## Arrows

Hi all.  
Me post:
Well Christmas spent with in-laws was rather dull, though mini person quickly took to unwrapping presents after learning how a few weeks before on his birthday! We then travelled north to visit family 27th-2nd. Slept in the same room as us which wasn't good as not used to it. He refused to show off any of his new words as has discovered people give him enough attention just by waving at them (was very cute! ) he's now just days away from crawling so spent a lot of time frustrated. He did great meeting lots of new people though very clingy (a good thing attachment-wise but really hard work). We had a very exciting fun-filled fake Christmas with my family who all adored him and he was given a ridiculous number of presents! The hardest thing was that he woke screaming almost every hour the entire time and woke up often babbling and wanting to play. He would settle but then scream every time I tried to put him back down again.  I am exhausted. Tonight when we got back after 6 hours of travelling I checked his teeth.  Before we left he had started cutting his first molar.  Tonight I discovered that he now has 3 partially cut. No wonder he was such a horrible child for the past week!
Anyhow, our 10wks are now up and we can officially apply to the courts to make him legally ours! 
Parenthood is bloody hard work (so allow parents to moan regardless of how jealous you feel, as I know I was) but worth it, definitely worth it!


----------



## AnneS

Hi,

just on here to read about all the wonderful progress. I hope for those of you who are waiting, that January 2013 will bring results - and fast!!!   

Snapdragon - lovely story, our photo album was also presented to us at first meeting, a good thing these!!

Nutmeg - no wonder you are getting excited, I hope it all goes smoothly and you can enjoy the meeting a little. I was very nervous! Totally normal.

Gettina - thanks, hope 2013 will be your year. 

Arrows - would it not be easier if children came with a user manual and an early warning system for teething??   Glad to find somebody else who finds it blooming hard work. Are you on the post placement board? PM me if you want help getting there.

unconditional - good luck for today, hope your sw is lovely and supportive

Sorry no further personals,

Anne


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
just been reading back some pages, it is really great to see things moving forward so well for so many of you.
we are hoping to join you all with good news one day too.
anyhow, we wish you all the very best for 2013 and hope that we may post something of interest or use to you all this year.
all the best of luck and good fortune.

farm boy and mrs farm boy.


----------



## nutmeg

Sorry a me post : we met our baby girl today and the whole day could not have gone any better. She is adorable and after playing and cuddling for a bit, I gave her a bottle and she fell asleep in my arms    Perfect. We hav a full week planned with DD coming up to meet her at the weekend but dd2 will be home with us on Weds    AMazing!!!

Good luck to everyone having their first HS study sessions this week and everyone who is new on the journey - I hope reading these posts keep you going   
So pleased things went well for you too Snapdragon.

Will update again in a few days when things have sunk in a bit!!


----------



## skyblu

Loly -    I know what you mean. I suffer from endo and everytime we had a visit that was a bit stressy endo shows it's ugly head. Panel day was a pain as well, but if you ask me I think it is down to us worrying and our bodies reacting 
Don't worry about your day tomorrow, they already know you have been on a journey and would be expecting you to be a bit emotional you wouldn't be normal if you wern't so please don't worry to much about it. 

Nutmeg - So pleased you had such a perfect day with your lo, I can't wait when we meet our lo. 

AFU - we had a photo of our little girl today, and as gorgouse as she is she is nothing how I thought she would look like from with the description we had of her. Did anyone experience this? Don't get me wrong we still want to go ahead with her and she is gorgeous, I don't know maybe I was expecting her to look more like one of us, saying that she has my eyes and hair colour and she does have some features that resemble dh. Anyway we have matching panel on 7 February and have a sighting meeting of her on my birthday (which will be a great present). Has anyone else had one of these sighting meetings were you only see the child from the distance in a public place, watching her play and run, talking and all the normal things a child does but we can not go up to her or touch her. I think I am going to find this very hard, being in touching distance of our daughter ( my god that was strange, saying our daughter ) Any help you can give me on this I would be very greatfull.

Sorry for the me post and good luck everyone for what ever stage you are at, it is worth it. 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Nutmeg what an amazing day so happy for you and very jealous  Sky sounds lovely glad everything  is moving forward how fantastic x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all!!

Nutmeg, WOW   It sounds just amazing, very happy to hear it, keep the updates coming when you can!

Hope all is still going when with you snapdragon  

Thanks you skyblue, I am luckily feeling a bit better today.  I think you are right, our bodies are very in tune to stress and react accordingly    I did cry, but only when saying my mum once said (after second failed cycle) 'please don't do this thinking we want you to give us a grandchild, you are our baby and we want you to be happy, that is all'    So sweet!

Wow, a sighting sounds very exciting, although hard I imagine, not being able to go up to her, touch her etc.  I haven't heard of this done often, but then I guess she becomes really real doesn't she.  What batter way to spend your day watching your child play!  Great you have a picture too, put it by the bed, last thing to see before bed and there to greet you when you wake.  Soon she will be there always giving mummy kisses and cuddles    

Fifth session booked in for next week, we are really getting there now  

Hope everyone is well xxxxx


----------



## liveinhope

Wow Nutmeg, sounds like your first meeting was perfect.  Makes me think of the first day we met our little boy!  Gives me goosebumps xx


----------



## newmum

Nutmeg sounds a wonderful meeting, how amazing for you

Sky blu I have never heard of a sight meeting bet that may be hard for you but also quite exciting being so close to your LO

Sorry on phone so hard to reply to all

X


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, yes!
When we fell in love with Chatterbox's profile there was no picture so no impressions, then a few weeks later saw a very out of date pic (he was 7mths, pic was at abt 3mths) and he looks like a rosy cheeked chipmunk. I wasn't draw to his looks at all but though he just looked like a fat baby. Then when we were matched we got given 5 new pictures of him aged 6-8mths (at this point he was 9mths old) and got a bit of a shock as he looked a totally different ethnicity to the first pictures and even with the 5pics he looked like a different child from one to the next. I really didn't know what to think! My guy still said, yes -he's my son.
When we got him I discovered that he had exactly my eye colour, and similar skin tone to my husband. He was so beautiful and I thought at least his eyes are like mine -I'd never have had a child this pretty!
However, as time has gone on, more and more people say he's just like me or he's just like his dad. Funny, hey?!
I reckon as you dress them the way you prefer and as your child gets to know you more they take on your personality traits and mimic your voice, tone, actions etc. -things people notice that more than the way they look tbh. Just wait!


----------



## peacelily

Arrows said:


> I reckon as you dress them the way you prefer and as your child gets to know you more they take on your personality traits and mimic your voice, tone, actions etc. -things people notice that more than the way they look tbh. Just wait!


Completely agree with Arrows - my DS looks a lot like my husband but he totally has my mannerisms and he is very observant about how people speak - and loves imitating accents (which at 4 he's surprisingly good at!) as I do


----------



## liveinhope

Our DS has traits of both of us too which is amazing.  The other day someone said to me oh you can see whose son he is, meaning my DH!  I didnt put her straight


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all, 

Sorry no personals as on phone....and its hard to read back and remember.

I have a link meeting in 13 days I would be grateful if youcan tell me about yours, I.e. what did it involve, questions asked etc. 

Thanks ladies x


----------



## skyblu

Arrows, Peacelily and Liveinhope, thank you so much on giving me an insight on your lo's.
I must admit the photo we have is not a great one, it is quite dark and her eyes have white spots from the flash but we know she has my colour eyes but the more I look at her she does look more like dh. I know as you all said as soon as she is home , we will dress her differently and she will take on our mannerisms and ways. Can't wait until we meet her.

Thank you so much for your advice it does mean so much.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## newmum

Just thought I would share with you that I am adopted and I am mixed race with a white family and I am so much like my Mum in the way I talk and act. Your mannerisms really do match your patents and I am living proof! I often here myself thinking god I'm getting old I sound like my Mum lol x x


----------



## skyblu

Thamk you newmum2b.
Good luck with your journey. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi cwtbam - I've sent you a pm hope its useful x
Skyblu excited for you
New2bmum. Aww That's lovely


----------



## Frangipanii

hi for those who had prep course first how long did u have to wait for home study start.

many thanks xn


----------



## stevie_lloyd

Hey can any of you give me some information on adoption? 
What if a child has not seen there dad does he still have to be contacted? If it was the mothers partner that was adopting the child?How does it all work 
Thank you x


----------



## skyblu

Frangipanii - Hi Fran, we had our prep course first and we started our home study within 4 weeks. We met our SW at 3 weeks and then she just went over what was going to happen and set up some appoitments.

Good luck on your journey.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## newmum

Frangipan.. Hi our prep course was 3 days long we had already met some SW before hand at an opening evening and a home visit. We then met some on the last day of course. However our acual SW was appointed and came to visit say within 3 weeks of the prep course and I think we spoke on the week after prep course.


Hope this helps

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi thanks Skyblu and newmum2be. That makes me feel a bit better. We have met our sw but because of christmas etc we have not heard about starting hs. Hoping to hear by monday. And i can rest easier now
thanks. xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Stevie I am no expert but a friends step dad adopted her little sister  ( my friend was 20 at the time ) . Her sisters Dad was named on the birth certificate so had parental rights he had to be contacted and voluntarily agree to give these up before they could go ahead. Although he never saw his daughter he hadn't done anything that meant they could force it. Then they were interviewed by social workers as were a number of family and friends. It is nothing like what we all have to go through but it also isn't a case of sign on the line either. First step I'd advise talking to the biological parent if possible and seeing if they would cooperate. If you don't know how to contact them then call your local social services to seek advise. I would say you need to be very sure why you are doing it and able to explain the reasons  because they will challenge you with the fact that you can live a happy loving life as you are. Good luck


----------



## Dreams do come true

frangipanii said:


> hi for those who had prep course first how long did u have to wait for home study start.
> 
> many thanks xn


1 week for us x The 8 month approval deadline started from day 1 of prep, so they needed to start asap. (VA)

X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Mine was pretty identical to CWTBAM... official application processed the day before prep, so clock started ticking for 8 month deadline.  This meant HS started a week after prep ended, and we are having visits every 2 weeks (with a gap for Christmas).  Hoping we get a panel date soon  

Good luck Fran, they won't keep you waiting long i'm sure


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi Fran,


We had a follow up meeting with sw within 4 weeks of prep to ask us about it and then we to letter confirming they would accept us.  However it took another 5.5 months to be assigned a sw for HS which then took about 8-10 weeks plus another 9weeks before approval panel. We are with a LA.


G x


----------



## snapdragon

Quick update while lo has his nap. Took lo out for a couple of hours yesterday and he was as good as gold. The fc's went out and let us give him his tea, bath him and put him to bed. All good apart from couldn't get him to sit down in the bath. Today he is at our house. Taking him out for a walk after his nap and taking him back after bath time. One more day tomorrow and then if all is well after are review meeting Monday morning we take him straight home. Fc is really pleased with how its going. She had a nightmare last time when the lo wouldn't take to the adopters at all. Lo is gorgeous and just needs a bit more stimulation. Telly is on cbeebies all day at the fc's though they have done a great job.


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww snapdragon that sounds fab x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Snapdragon so glad its all going so well! You must on cloud nine


----------



## Flash123

snapdragon it sounds like you have had a magical few days. Monday wow - only 2 more sleeps  xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Ladies...

if you want to smile watch this, it's so cute!!!! It's just a video from you tube, but the cutest video ever!!!!!

[youtube][/youtube]






Hilarious  

/links


----------



## skyblu

Hi Guys can you please advise us on what to think/what you would do in this situation.........Or am I being daft and paranoid!!!!!!!

We have been linked to a 22month old lo who will be 2 yrs by the time we have her home.
Her fc have brought up a medical issue since she was matched but it was not mentioned before. This issue should of been noticed as a baby. We are still waiting for the medical report but her health vistor seems to think that there is no problem. This was before christmas, then this week sw came out again and fc's now say something else is wrong with her and want her to have an appoitment with a speacialist, both her sw and our sw have been to see her a few times over the last few months and have not notice this problem, it is obvious iykwim.  
We do know that lo is their first foster child and have had her from 6 weeks so they are very attched, which we under stand but at the same time they knew this was going to happen some day, but now it just seems they are trying to put us off her. Her medical issues would not be a problem for us if they are there but now they have just imformed our sw that they have started potty training her, which I feel might be a mistake as in 8-10 weeks she will have her life completly turned up side down. I know from  experince from my nephew how up set he got when he had been dry for weeks and had wet himself when he was staying with me, he went back to square one and took another 2 months before he was completly dry again. I had asked and asked him if he wanted to go for a pee-pee but said no minutes later he wet himself, luckly I had clean clothes and told him it did'nt matter and he said he was really sorry but he was having so much fun playing he forgot(while he crying and breaking his little heart) But this little instident sent him back 2 months.

I just feel they are trying to take that last little learning stage away from us and trying to put us off her again. I just think, with her life going to change, she is going to be unsettled for a while anyway and if she starts weting herself again how is this going to impact on her.
Don't get me wrong if she is ready to be potty trained then fine but I just feel it the wrong time to be doing to it.
Do any of you think the same or am i just being paranoid.
I will be talking with our sw next more about this but just want to know what your feelings are on this.
I am dreading intros, all because of the fc. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I haven't been through the process yet but it does sound like they are stalling to me. I would discuss it with SW asap also really reinforce that no medical issue will change your commitment to this beautiful little one an you would prefer to go ahead as planned and you will take her to the medical appointments. Which makes more sense as then you will hear the information as you are her Mummy an will manage any medical issues for the rest of her life. I think they have become very attached because they had her from being so young however this doesn't change what is best for her to be with her forever family as soon as possible. Good luck this will sort its self out I just hope it is quickly because you have waited so long already x  x


----------



## Flash123

What a horrible situation you re in skyblu. I too would feel really angry about it all. I bet you feel you being cheated out of the potty training and I agree with you 100% that the timing is nt ideal and could add extra pressure on your little treasure.

Regarding the medical issues, Exactly the same thing happened with a friend of mine.  When the match became a reality all sort of things and issues started coming out of the wood work. The fc tried to put doubts in their mind and they believe tried to make their lo  'unadoptable'. 

You know if this little treasure is your lo. You also know if you can handle any medical issues that may or 'may not' come up. By the sound of it your mind is made up. You are going to be their mummy and daddy- so in the words of my niece time to tell the fc  'bring it on, I'm ready for the best you've got! ' 

Take care x


----------



## Anjelissa

skyblu   
I have heard of this happening a few times before on here and from what you've said it definitely sounds like the fc's are trying to put off/delay the inevitable   . I know it must be so very hard especially when it's their first foster child but like you say they knew this would happen one day and that it would always be in the lo's best interest to be with her forever family asap.
I totally agree re/potty training too, in my experience it's best not to even start whilst any periods of change to routine are happening, it just adds extra stress to the child and it then becomes an upsetting and unsettling time for them. Seeing as your lo is just about to embark on what will be one of the most unsettling times in her whole life (past or future) I'd say no this definitely isn't the right time to potty train her!
Are you able to mention this to your sw emphasising the point that you are trying to prevent any extra stress to your lo.

I really feel for fc's in this position (ie their first long term placement) as I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be. We had an awful time during intros for this very reason but as we understood how hard it was for her we bit our tongues a lot (also partly due to not knowing any better). We'll be far more vocal next time though if things aren't handled correctly as we now better understand the implications to the children if intros aren't handled sensitively and correctly.

I know it's hard hun but I'd definitely voice all your concerns to your sw, you are completely right   

Anj x


----------



## bluebabe

Arrows we had the exact same situation, fc kept coming up with probs etc.  we went with it and also insisted on meeting with the medical advisors ourselves for reassurance.  Fc said my boy had developmental probs, well that was jus rubbished by med advr, it was just a delaying tactic but very manipulative of them xx


----------



## bluebabe

Sorry that was for Skyblu xx


----------



## skyblu

Thank you all so much for your replies it means so much. I am glad that it is not just me and over thinking things. I do think potty training her now would be a mistake and when we first read her report we were looking forward to doing this and thinking, great we have a Little of the baby learning stage to do. I am worried about mentioning this as I don't want to look like we are hampering for a baby, that is not the case at all we are happy with her age and allready feel a connection with her and I don't want the SW thinking we are not putting her intrest first by stalling potty training, would it really make a difference to her by putting it off 3-4 months. As I said before if she is ready to be potty trained then fine she is ready and there is nothing we can do, but is there anything we can do, can we really say we don't think it is in her best intrest to be potty trained as her life is going to change so much in 2 months time, we are not her mummy and daddy yet. 
We have only read a report and seen a photo of her, in respect to her FC they know her better, but with issues just being brought up and now this, it gives me a feeling that FC can't let go and doing everything to put us off. IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK, just making it a little more difficult for us. 
Thank you all again, you are my stars and I don't know what I would do without you all 
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## skyblu

Hi Bluebabe, Thankyou for your reply, I think we just crossed posts.
Her medical issues are neither here or there, it is nothing major so not worried by them at all, reading between the lines and what we have been told, I think it is just  to try and put us off. Obversely I can't go into details about her medical issues, but if that is what they are throwing at us ,then in the words of Flash's niece "bring it on". 
We are just a little peeved about the potty-training and the timing of it all, if she was not coming home to us for another 6 months time, then I wouldn't have a problem after all she is a growing girl and needs to learn these things but just think this is going to be a huge set back for her when she comes home and make her attachment to us harder.

Sorry your Fc's were a pain also, they decided to be fc's and should be thinking about the lo's in their care and not them selves and it also put's the fabulous fc's out there in a bad light and that is not fare as they do a fantastic job when it is done properly. I know this is their first foster child and I really do feel for them, but they chose this path.

Oh loves and joys 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Can'twaittobeamommy - loved the video. So funny! Dh and I watched it!     xThanks


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi ladies,

So sorry not been on for a while been very busy and haven't had time to come on, I've been staying with my sister and 4 nieces while brother in law is in afghan, then all spent Xmas and new year together. Been brilliant spending it with them. My youngest niece is 6months so was her 1st Xmas, she loved opening all the presents  also I celebrated becoming 30 last wk  

I no it's a bit late but happy new year to u all hope it's all our year   

We have had 2 meetings so far with our SW for HS, were seeing her again on Wednesday and every wk there after until begin of feb. she hopes then we will b finished and ready for panel march maybe Didn't think b this quick but I'm soo excited!  

Hope ur all well and everything is going great for u wot ever stage ur at.

Love to u all 
Lou x


----------



## daisy0609

Ladies can I pick your brain for one min we are going to panel on Friday and I know this sounds like a strange question but what did you wear?sounds like I'm being superficial but having a complete mind blank over it!!
Thanks xxx


----------



## Ourturn

Happy New Year everyone! Sorry for the lack of personals, can't keep up. Loving all the good news though!
I am amazed that fc's do that...try to put you off? Very short sighted  Good to know it does happen though so we can be prepared. 

Daisy if it was me I'd veer towards the smarter end, but I do like getting dressed up 

We had our initial sw home visit before xmas. The process with our LA is soooooooooo slow. If the timescales go ahead as they think they will it will have taken 14 months to get to panel from enquiry...and then there's the wait to get matched.

Anyway just wondering if any of you have strong views regarding raising your children in your faith? We were told we would not be able to unless the birth parents specified it? DH is not hugely bothered but its not sitting very comfortably with me. I always took it for granted we could have our baby christened but it doesn't seem like we'd be allowed? 

Thanks x


----------



## Flash123

Daisy, I've worried about the same thing so much so I asked our sw. She said smart/casual. She told dh no need to wear a tie so he's happy.

Our turn- we were told we could bring up our child in whatever faith we wanted unless the birth parents had specified they wanted them brought up in a particular faith. 

Hi everyone else xx


----------



## liveinhope

I wore a smart skirt and blouse to panel, DH wore suit trousers and shirt but no tie.

In terms of bringing the child up in your own faith, we were told pretty much what Flash has already said.  You can bring the child up in your faith unless birth parents express a specific view.  We said we couldnt consider a child with a different faith specified from our own as so many of our leisure activites are based at our church, the child would miss out on a lot if they couldnt come with us


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Daisy,

I wore a casual dress and coloured tights and DH wore smart jeans and a smart jumper. Good luck x


----------



## daisy0609

Thanks for your advice ladies think a raid of the wardrobe will happen this week!!!x


----------



## Arrows

Daisy I wore a smart casual dress

Ourturn, as the others have said,  we intend to get our son dedicated (like christening) but the only proviso is that you can't put them through any religious ceremony whilst on placement with you,  you have to wait till you've been to court and they are legally yours.


----------



## bluebabe

That's what I thought arrows, once they are yours legally you can do what you want unless bp have specifically said xx


----------



## newmum

So excited our home study starts again after Christmas period x


----------



## someday

daisy0609 said:


> Ladies can I pick your brain for one min we are going to panel on Friday and I know this sounds like a strange question but what did you wear?sounds like I'm being superficial but having a complete mind blank over it!!
> Thanks xxx


hi daisy. I asked the same question almost 3 months ago. I think you need to wear what you will feel confident in. I ended up wearing a semi casual dress with leggings and boots. Hope it goes well xxx


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all, hope everyone is well and Snapdragon, hope your LOs move has gone brilliantly today.

Skyblu, so sorry your FCs are playing silly youknowwhats!

Our intros have gone so well, our daughter is amazing, so smiley and chilled and we just can't wait for her to come home. We took DD1 to meet her for the weekend and the two of them were adorable together. She came to our house for a couple of hours this morning and is spending all day with us tomorrow before she comes home weds.


----------



## newmum

Nutmeg how wonderful sounds perfect x


----------



## Flash123

Goose pimple time nutmeg- it reminds us of what a wonderful pot of treasure is waiting at the end of this rainbow. Enjoy xxx


----------



## Ourturn

Thanks everyone


Great news Nutmeg


----------



## fiona1

Hi Everyone

I read everyday but don't post, however I'm sure someone posted within the last few days about starting their HS in Kent ( I won't name the specific LA as I think they have removed it to be safe ) if whoever it was wants to PM me. I'm not a million miles away, if they ever fancied meeting up. 

I love reading all your stories, we have definitely finished our family now. It's fantastic to finally be able to move on with life, without having to worry about SW etc

Take Care All


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Skyblue, what a horrible stress for you.  I agree with what you have put, and echo everyone else.  It does seem like they are trying to 'put you off' so to speak, and the toilet training is definitely bad timing.  I agree with what you put, if she is ready to toilet train that is one thing, but 1, she is very young (22 months is in my head) so that may not be entirely the case, although saying that girls are ahead with this one than the boys, and 2, she is about to embark on a huge transition, why are they adding to the pressure?  I don't know the details at all, but as an outsider it reads to me like they are doing this to fulfill their own needs rather than thinking of hers at this stage.  I hope that you can talk to your and your child's SW and maybe raise these concerns, although understand it may be tricky.  I'm glad you have read posts confirming that this is a valid issue to raise and you are certainly not overthinking things.  Good luck  

Nutmeg, it sounds wonderful, and like Flash says, goose bump moment  

Good luck Daisy!!  From what the lovely ladies here have said I have already decided on a dress, thick tights or leggings and boots for our panel date (not that we have one yet  )  Oooh, and maybe a nice scarf to match...     Not superficial at all, if you feel good you will carry well, feel more confident etc etc, it's all relative!!

Hi to all, not much to report here, just waiting for session 5 on Thursday, and then we will book in some more dates.  Keep hoping she may indicate how long until a possible panel date, but so far she is not committing.  I guess is sensible as I expect she knows I may get a tad carried away once I know 

Have a good day all


----------



## Arrows

Ourturn, you have to be willing to say that their faith is their own choice in the future but that you'll let them have that choice when they're old enough -I said 12/14yrs when they're old enough to be left. The birth parents get to state what faith they WISH their child to be brought up in- once they're legally yours it'll be YOUR decision however. So think carefully about what you agree to, particularly if you plan on having another child in the future cause they will look at what you said and what you did with the first.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Sorry for no personals but I am so fed up!  Being a selfish git today ...   


On for a moan... passed panel 2nd August...and nothing. Absolutely nothing happening. Aaaaaaaagh!!!!! I am so fed up with this inbetween stage. Any advice? SW coming next week for a 'chat' but nothing ever ever happens.   



   


Noodles


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Noodles I can understand how you feel it is the part of of the process that I am dreading. Waiting must be so hard especially when we have all done so much waiting already. I really hope the new year brings good news x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Noodles, you are not alone!
We were also approved in August and have got precisely nowhere...
Anyway I have decided that the new year is a new start and trying to think positively, a match or at least a link must be just around the corner...!


----------



## GERTIE179

Noodles - big hugs 
If you look back on this board I was similar feeling back in sept. we did have an exchange day in pipeline and I wasn't positive about us finding our LO. Our SW let slip that she had put us forward for a relinquished baby but they had went with another couple and whilst I was gutted, at least I knew all the quiet can sometimes mean things are in the background. You can now get on the nationwide register, sign up to BMP and receive/view online the CWW (if you feel you SW is not proactive enough for you).

I really thought a match would be quick for us as we were described by our la as an excellent resource, very open to match criteria but we still found out LO ourselves ( from that exchg day). Officially linked last wk and mp in fortnight and intros start the next day (1yr from approval panel date). Honestly could not have predicted that 3months ago.

Keep your chin up and feel free to pm me if you would like any of the things we did to keep SWs aware we were waiting iykwim
GG x


----------



## peacelily

Crazyspaniel & Noodles - let's have a group hug    I'm feeling the same way too!


----------



## GERTIE179

(((Group hug))) Peacelily, crazy spaniel & noodles
I definately found the worst stage of waiting (and had been warned so kept room decorating, hols etc all to fill the time but when that ran out omg my DH and friends really got worried).
Be kind to yourselves. Plan a big night, weekend away, use your support network to prop you up (babysitting was therapy for me as it reminded of the hard work coming my way and thus I could enjoy the bits if spontaneity etc).
Big hugs x x


----------



## peacelily

Thanks Gertie!  Our DS keeps me busy    but I really feel for him as well, because he's had to be involved in the assessment process already, he keeps asking when his baby is coming home.


----------



## Belliboo

Hi ladies we waited 7 months for our match & it was a killer waiting but I believe the sw are doing things behind closed doors as they said they wanted the best match possible & he was so worth the wait people even say he looks like me & he settled in like a dream so even though its tough hang in in there your little one I'm sure is only round the corner xx


----------



## peacelily

Thanks Belliboo, I genuinely believed that the first time round, we had the most fantastic SW and things couldn't have worked out better...unfortunately this time round I'm under no such illusions    ooops, hope she's not reading and worked out who I am


----------



## Anjelissa

Evening all   

Lots of luck to all those who are approved and waiting, we're anticipating a longer wait this time so I'll be there in the summer (being optimistic there  ) too.
PL...   , total madness that you're still waiting especially after all the delay you've already experienced   , hope you have exciting news soon  x x


We have the first day of our prep course on Friday (then 2 days next week). We are not worried about the course at all as it will be our 2nd time, although as you can imagine it is a bit frustrating that we have to do it at all   , but hey ho.
We are more worried about leaving little man to be honest as we've only left him for afternoons (at Grandma and Grandad's) or mornings (at pre-school)   , never for whole days. We know he'll be fine though as he'll be with his Grandma and Auntie and they have a fun day planned for him  .  
Anyone else just about to do prep course? It's always nice to be at the same stage as someone so that you can vent and go crazy together   

I'm intending to try to catch up soon when I have a bit more time.  

Anj x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Gutted.com again.

Another me me me post sorry  

So after 2 months of knowing about 2 scrumptious los, falling completely in love with them, putting our search on hold, being told we're the only ones, then we're not, then we are and they would like to meet us (visit next week), we were told the kids are not being 'advertised' now and we are the only ones they are meeting as others ruled out...today one week before the visit we have counted down for 5 weeks, after allowing ourselves to get carried away (silly, I know) we are told they have another couple that enquired over Christmas....they want to meet both couples, the others havent got a date yet.....I am so upset and frustrated! 

I feel they should meet us as planned, then if we are not right they should consider the others.

This part is so hard.


This is so cruel, I hate this


----------



## GERTIE179

CWTBAM - hugs its horrid isn't it. Look on the positives though
1. They are keeping you informed so obviously still keen on you (we just never heard back when we were obviously these one choice)
2. By meeting with some they are covering bases that you might get at linking/matching meeting
3. They are still coming to meet you as planned
You menyioned the Los SW was new?? - might just be cautious and meeting others for experience too?
It's very hard not to fall in love but the other side is if you're too reserved they may think you are not interested enough. I follow the better to have loved... Philosophy and hope it goes your way.

Fingers crossed x


----------



## skyblu

CWTBAM- I am so sorry you are going through this, it is so unfair. 
I really feel for you as this would not happen in my LA , once you are told about a match and you are in agreement then you are the only ones going for that child. 

Noodles, PeacLily,Crazyspaniel - I so know what you mean by waiting ,waiting and more waiting. We were approved in July, while everyone else on our course were approved between January and April, I know we had added problems with our medicals but it was still hard being left behind everyone else. When we did finally get to panel the waiting was be far the hardest part, even though they prepare for the wait it is still hard. What we did though (i don't know whether this helped but things seemed to move fast after this moment) we had the be my parent magazine every month from our LA/SW and there was a child there that we were intrested in so we asked our SW to come out so we could have a chat about it. She said that she would prefer us to wait another month and if there still nothing on the horizon then she was going to put us on the national register. We were a little peeved as we knew that this little one wouldn't be in the paper the next month and we would of lost her, but 2 weeks later she phoned to say that she had a good match and came out to see us and we are going to MP in February. When you are matched the wait is worth it, it is a pity it doesn't happen a bit quicker but I suppose they have to get the matches right.

Thanks again for your replies re: the potty-trainning saga, I just hope the SW will understand were we are coming from.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Flash123

Cantwait - sending you hugs. I can't imagine how you must be feeling - another delay and more uncertainty. I hope with all my heart at it gets sorted soon and your dream comes true. 

Noodles, peacelily and crazyspaniel - I am simply dreading the waiting (should we be approved!!!) .  because she is writing our par, we haven't seen our sw since the beginning of dec, panel is mid feb and OMG that's been bad enough. I have been so evil to live with, my poor dh so I can only imagine the frustration you are all going through. Hope you all find your treasures soon. Xxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Morning Ladies.
So so sorrg to hear your news Cantwait...I only hope that it is just a blip and of course they will see the error of their ways. Maybe it is worth discussing the fact that you are a bit peeved. Anyway Ihope that iy gets resolved soon. Much love to you. 
I had a bad day yesterday. I was surrounded by babies through my work and had a little melt down when I cam home. Fortunately it definately isnt a birth versus adoption meltdown more of a what the hell i am going to do if I dont get through adoption. It was awful. I never expected to feel like that but I am hormonal so maybe that shook me off balance too. But wow talk about down, had to get a takeaway and watch rubbish tv. I suppose we all have days like that. And i think I feel okish today. I just cant bare all this process and the thought of not being a mummy at the end of it. (long process + nothing to see for it = very upset frangipanii, ie like ivf). I know what kicks you down makes u stronger but wow its difficult. 
Anyway sorry for the me rant hope u are all great. Oh and happy new year...forgot about that.
much love f x


----------



## newmum

Cantwait - I am sorry to hear your news must be so hard for you. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, I think I will be asking our SW about this just to see if they do competitive matching. I think that's what it's called is it? Sorry if I've got that wrong 

Noodles, peacelily and crazyspaniel - I am dreading the wait after panel if we get approved I imagine this is the hardest time, being so close to bringing your LO home. Hang in there

Frangipany - I hope you are feeling better today. It's so hard and it's natural to feel the way you did yesterday. Chin up and stay positive 

AFU - we've got SW around today. We are starting our couple interviews. I'm looking forward to getting things moving again after the Christmas break. Fingers crossed it will go well 


Hi to everyone 

Nm2b x


----------



## Duckling

Just a really quick one - as always these days!   Haven't had time to read back very far so apologies for news missed.
But Skyblu Congratulations!!    . So pleased for you. Though you are spot on about the potty training. It will all work out when she's yours.  
Cantwait  you poor thing. How cruel. I have to say and I hope that it makes sense, that I cannot imagine having any other little boy than our Lo. It makes me feel ill when I think now that someone else might have been bringing him up. So what I mean is that the Lo you finally have will feel like they are meant to be yours. Everyone else going slowly mad   . You WILL be mummies, it WILL happen and you'll be like me, still pinching myself a year later. 
Duckling xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks ladies, it is what is and I cant change it.

We are going to continue and show them that we are perfect for the kids, pksitivity is the key x

Question, will we look odd/obsessed showing them the bedrooms that are ready for the kids, I.e. beds made, toys set up, and toiletries set up near the mat? I will refrain  from showing them in the wardrobe as it is full of clothes for them 

Ps- girls room designed and decorated for the baby girl, and boys room now contains soecific items for hjm


----------



## peacelily

CWTBAM - I think you just have to explain to the children's SW what you've explained to us (and possibly tuck away the really specific items - and don't open the wardrobes!) - had it gone to the original plan they'd probably have expected you to get things ready very quickly as their logic knows no boundaries


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

CWTBAM I am so sorry I don't know why they tell people if it is competitive matching   will be keeping everything crossed for you


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls just wanted to send some pma your way, it's a really difficult thing to go thru and there are times when you will be down, stay strong, stay focused and be gentle on yourselves lots of love xx


----------



## snapdragon

Quick update. Having ups and downs. 4th day home with lo. First 2 days lots of saying car, giving us his shoes and standing by the door and waving. We had a great day yesterday but he woke at 12.30 and I couldn't get him to go down so ended up lying with him in single bed in his room (he is in a cotbed) but he wouldn't settle and neither of us has had much sleep. We have had a tantrum this morning because he wanted a biscuit and not grapes but he stopped eventually and ate the grapes. Unfortunately his routine at the fc's was a biscuit first thing in the morning before breakfast and also one when foster dad got in just before dinner. He has als been ill with a fever Tues and Wed which didn't help.


----------



## bluebabe

Snapdragon hope you have a better night tonight. Poor lo will be all over the place and having a virus won't help either.  I would try and stick to whatever routine fc had and if it means a little biscuit now and then it won't do any harm, then you gradually introduce your routine, it's a big change for you as well as lo so pick your battles and go with the flow xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Snapdragon,
I agree with bluebabes post, maybe invest in some smaller biscuits! Sending hugs your way xx


----------



## snapdragon

We are trying to keep things the same. We give  lo his breakfast as soon as he wakes which he is quite happy with and we do give him biscuits but he is asking quite a lot so we are trying to give him some fruit, which he also had as smacks at the fc's.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds like you are doing a great job snapdragon he will be so confused and unsettled it will take time  . These first few weeks must be so hard hope you get some more sleep tonight x


----------



## Duckling

Snapdragon  . These first few weeks are tough. I'd pick my battles, and don't panic too much about behaviour. I only say because we did  . 
Be kind to yourself, it will get better I promise.


----------



## skyblu

Snapdragon  I am sure in time and when he settles a little more things will get better. It is early days and you are doing are great job be kind to yourself. 

We had a visit from our SW and lo's SW, we had results of lo's medical and seem inconclusive so still not sure if there is a medical problem.
But it doesn't make a difference to us any how.
We told them about our concerns that the potty-training seems to be bad timing and putting pressure on her when her life is going to change so much in 10 weeks time and the effect this is going to have on her. Lo's SW completely understood where we were coming from but it seem that lo has asked for the potty as she is seeing the older children doing it, so it seem she is ready. With that we totally agree that as long as she is happy to carry on then carry on she needs to do. Our concern was that she was being made to go through it when she wasn't ready. She is not even 2 yet!!!We told them about our concerns that the potty-training seems to be bad timing and putting pressure on her when her life is going to change so much in 10 weeks time and the effect this is going to have on her. Lo's SW completely understood where we were coming from but it seem that lo has asked for the potty as she is seeing the older children doing it, so it seem she is ready. In that rectospect we totally agree that as long as she is happy to carry on then carry on she needs to do. Our concern was that she was being made to go through it when she wasn't ready. She is not even 2 yet!!!
So all is good and we are all set for matching panel on the 7th of February.
We are going to have some contact via email with fc's to try and make things a bit easier for both of us as we know that they are finding it difficult as she is their first foster child and the first one leaving so hopfully we will all have a it of understanding about how each of us are feeling and when we finally meet it will be a bit easier for us all.
Thank you all for you reassurance through this past week. You are my stars.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## skyblu

Sorry guys I seemed to repeated myself there on my last post.
What happened  don't know 
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad things are moving forward sky hopefully time passes quickly for you x


----------



## newmum

Sky that's really good sounds like the meeting has put your mind at rest. Roll on the 7th Feb 

Our meeting went well with SW we are moving on to health and lifestyle next week and she wants to have a look round! DH is a bit worried because SW will be talking to his ex wife soon. They get on ok now but he did find their relationship difficult. He's also such a worrier and he's panicking what the ex may say. I've told him as long as he's told myself and SW everything he's ok. He's such a worrier though bless him.

Hi everyone have a good day

Nm2b x


----------



## daisy0609

Hey ladies hope your all well. Does anyone know who i would write a complaint to about the adoption process?
xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Daisy, Didn't want to read and run. I don't know I'm afraid but hopefully someone will be in soon who does. I hope you are ok x

Skyblu, glad things are resolving and moving in the right direction. Feb will be here before you know it xxx


----------



## peacelily

Daisy - we were given a rather feeble pamphlet called "Your Right To Complain" or something similar - we asked our SW. Bit different though as she was independent and we were complaining about the department, not her.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I'm not sure I think they are meant to give you information about complaints at the start. Just wanted to say sorry something has upset you. Is it anything people can give you advice or help with x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Evening all!

Have you seen this:

http://media.education.gov.uk/assets/files/pdf/n/map08c_alt3.pdf

/links


----------



## newmum

Thanks Lolly 

Where did you find ths? 

Wondering if you have a link for Wales and Scotland?

Nm2b


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

It was on the Adoption UK site in the Adoption in the News and Media section.  I have had another look for different localities but afraid the only links are to the same map.  I'd hope that as this has been released there will soon be similar being posted covering Scotland and Wales.  Interesting stuff xxx


----------



## newmum

Yeah interesting stuff thanks for your reply Lolly


Nm2b x


----------



## daisy0609

Thanks for you replies ladies didn't have a good time at panel on Friday but got our SW and her boss coming on Monday to discuss what happened just feeling extremely hurt angry and annoyed but I guess that's to be expected. Basically the long n short of it is that the panel ran out of time and we got the brunt of it. Picking on things that would of taken ten mins to answer but they weren't prepared to see us. Sorry for the me post xx


----------



## peacelily

What happened Daisy, did they defer you?


----------



## daisy0609

They didn't give us any answer other than they want to know along with a few other things why we are adopting if there is a chance we can still have kids which there isn't might I add!so at the moment welfare in limbo x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

That's awful it's not your fault that they over ran / were overbooked. How stressful you poor thing. Sending lots of hugs your way and don't apologise for posting when you are upset that is why we are here. Sharing the good stuff is great but more importantly venting and getting support when things are tough is what this forum is all about. I really hope they give you the answers you need on Monday but I would do as much researching as you can so no one can pull the wool over your eyes. Make sure everything you are entitled to is done. What weird questions surely that is covered in depth in your PAR  document is it not? X x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Daisy that is horrible, thinking of you


----------



## newmum

Sorry to hear your news daisy. Wouldn't any concerns get discussed in your HS or discussed in your PAR like Gwyneth said? Poor you how frustrating 

Nm2b x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

I'm really sorry daisy. It sounds like you've had a grim experience. Sit down with a calm and clear head (easier said than done I know), write down everything, concerns, complaints etc so that when you meet SW on Monday you can work through the list. I hope that you get some answers and a plan to move forward and if you are not happy then look at your options (LA, VA). Sending you lots of hugs. Take care sweetie and as gwyneth said this a safe place to rant etc so you get it out of your system surrounded by friends x


----------



## nutmeg

Oh Daisy, I really hope you manage to resolve some of the issues on Monday and things get moving again very soon.



Our daughter came home on Weds and it has been a manic and exhausting time. DD1 has been amazing and so gentle and caring, DH & I feel so loved up and incredibly lucky. I don't want to post to much here as I know lots of people are struggling with the process at the moment and the waiting but if there's anything anybody wants to know, do please ask. Don't give up hope, your child is waiting for you.


----------



## skyblu

Oh Daisy, i am so sorry this has happened to you. 

As you can see from my signature I can sort of know how you are feeling. I know we did'nt get deferred from panel as our SW was on the ball and knew it would be no point in taking us to panel as she knew we would be deferred. It took a few months to sort things out but she made sure that we would get through panel before making another date and as you can see we did get through. I hope it is something that can be sorted out and soon, but taking it out on you just because they ran out of time is not fair and you do have every right to make a complaint. 
But hold fire until Monday and wait and see what they have to say. I wanted to complain as soon as we were told we would'nt be going to panel but I am glad I did'nt now.

I hope things get sorted for you asap
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hey beautiful people

My Dad found this and e-mailed it so I thought I'd share. The government have published a colour coded map that shows how many children each authority has for adoption. Bit crude but interesting as I had no idea about numbers

http://media.education.gov.uk/assets/files/pdf/n/map08c_alt3.pdf

/links


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry just realized Lolly posted it a few day ago didn't see the link because my phone wouldn't open it


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Great minds and all that....


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Daisy how did it go with your SW  and the manager? Hope you got some answers x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies, 

Daisy...really sorry about panel, that is so unfair   

Snapdragon, hope lo is getting better...x

AFU...We started homestudy 3rd jan and already we are this week coming upto our 4th visit with our sw. She is lovely and it's a relief to say we all get on fine. Our 1st visit was introductions and the appointment plan, 2nd visit was dh's visit and the 3rd was my visit. So now the couples seperate visits are out of the way we are back to normal for fridays 4th visit. We were amazed to hear that our panel date has also been set for the second week in may. Everything seems like its going fast but thats great we just hope it keeps up and there are no delays. Still not finished prep training our last day of prep will be 19th feb.

  to everyone xxx


----------



## Flash123

Daisy - I so hope you find the answers to your questions and that you are finally treated as you should have been. It's an awful experience that no-one should have to go through xxx

Nutmeg and snapdragon - I am sure you are both away in a land of sleepless nights, dirty bums, food stained clothes. The land where many of us are still dreaming to be. I hope all your dreams are coming true xxx

Unconditional - fantastic news about panel. It will be here before you know it. 4 weeks tomorrow till ours and I can't belief how fast it is coming, although I am starting to get really nervous now - poor dh still has 4 weeks to endure!!!!

Hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## daisy0609

Thank you for your replies ladies you have no idea how much it means to me. We have been told that we are to be put on the march panel with the possibility of it being April! We are getting an earlier time slot for this so we don't have to go through the same thing again. The first thing that they both did when they came in was apologise, we have to go on our prep group but if we aim for the march panel our prep group won't be finished. Still feeling confused!!
Sorry for the me post again 
Good luck with your panels it's not as scary and bad as I've made it out to be xxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Hiya,

Quick question for you guys. Has your agency paid your legal fees (or said they will) for the adoption order. A friend told me about a situation another friend had and just wanted to see what the norm was?

Thanks G x


----------



## daisy0609

Hey gertie 

Our agency said they would pay all fees 

X


----------



## newmum

Unconditional: wow things are moving fast for you. We both had 3 interviews each individually before the couple interviews . Sounds like your agency is organised with even booking in a panel date. 

Daisy. Glad you have had done answers

Sorry lack of personals tonight

X


----------



## bluebabe

Our la paid the fees gertie xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hey all Daisy how come you have to do prep now? I thought you did that at the start? Really hope you get it sorted I can't believe they wouldn't just stay late if they run over.  . 

We had our initial screening visit yesterday and they called us this morning to tell us we have been accepted for their June prep course   . This is their next one they are a small authority but we have confidence in them and their efficiency. Trying to think of things to do that will help but also make the next 4 1/2 months go quick. One thing I have thought of is a pediatric first aid course. Any other suggestions please ladies x


----------



## HRM

Hi ladies, 

We have our first home visit booked in!!! Super excited!! 2 weeks tomorrow, with the Social Worker we really liked. 
The very beginning of a long journey, I know, but feels so much more positive about this route than I have about IVF for ages - years in fact!!! 

What shall we expect guys?  ? Clearly I am now having major pangs to clean the house, bake cookies and buy cut flowers  Cos that's the important stuff... NOT!!! What am I like!!? 

All advice and support greatly received and much appreciated. Knowledge is power and all that... Gwyneth, perfect person to advise!!!! Nice to have a buddy at a similar point - we are hoping we'll be accepted and then our Prep course is April. Congratulations on being accepted and here's to the process being painless 

Daisy, I'm glad you are sounding better and that the journey is hopefully back on track. Hugs. 

H xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I would say make a note of key dates connecting to the topic of your visit. Someone else suggested this but we didn't do it and spent a lot of time erm and ahing. Things like how long you have been together, how long you have been married, when did you start trying for a family, dates when you started having investigations, treatments, when and where you lived etc. 

Also remember your friends we only talked about family when she asked about support (mostly my Mum.) If like me you work with children remember your professional experience of adoption issues. She asked us if we had any experience of adoption and issues I said no just a friend who is half way through home study. Then when she asked me about something else it occurred to me that I have taught lots of looked after children and taught a child who was back in FC after an adoption break down. I just didn't count that as experience because it was professional not personal but obviously very relevant. 

Good luck you will be fab x x x


----------



## o Doc o

Daisy I'm glad you got some answers and you are hopefully both feeling better, We'll see you both on Saturday if this weather keeps nice


----------



## snapdragon

Quick update while lo stuffs himself with banana. Things getting better. Can't remember what I said last time but had major problems with lo standing by his chair and screaming for dinner at funny times of the day despite plenty of snacks. Much better yesterday. Just have to tackle the love of throwing things and loving throwing them even more when told not to. Lots of praise seems to be working though and he seems quite settled.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone, wow lots of things are happening.


I'm full of a cold again....2nd time since December. We were suppose to have h/s last wk and today but SW is of work for 2wks unwell. Feel bit gutted but I no it can't b helped. Hopefully bk to normal next wk....seems like everything keeps getting in our way and things get pushed bk. 


Hope ur all well, love and luck to u all   


Lou x


----------



## gettina

chuffed to read the positive update snapdragon - well done on the progess! I hope all the family are broadly happy.

And Nutmeg, Beachgirl, Anne, AoC. bluebabe and anyone else who's got brand new littlies at home - hope all is going really well.

Nice one on the visit HRM.
good luck with the wait till june Gwyneth- good to have it to look forward to.
Wow unconditional! good stuff.
Glad there was a sensible explanation re the FCs and your LO's potty training Skyblu. Still not great timing but at least being done for the right reasons.
Thank goodness your SWs were suitably apologetic and all should go far better next time Daisy.
Not long now Flash!

hello to all  
And can I please sense check something with anyone reading today?
I've changed LA after a year of not getting v far due to lack of resources with my initial LA. My current one is said to be much better resourced and you can imagine how keen I am to get cracking. We had initial visit in Dec and got accepted to progress. Were told we 'should' be on March prep course. In late Dec we sent off the CRB and formal application forms......nothing. I am getting very antsy that we aren't going to be on the March course as surely we would have been told dates and got info by now? So I plan to ring them to try and get the lie of the land tomorrow (when working from home). Do you think this is reasonable, or is about a month after app and crb form - including Christmas in the middle - too soon to chase? I am nervous about leaving it till Feb and then finding we've missed our chance to influence getting on to the March course but I don't want to pester unreasonably either? A gentle call is ok isn't it?

thanks 
gettina x


----------



## newmum

Gettina: I would ring it shows that your enthusiasm. I remember we got our letter the day before prep course and told about weeks before hand.

Give them a quick ring it will put your mind at rest

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Get them rung gertie!! I realise we have to be polite etc but it is also 'our(your)'lives that are effected massively here. Be polite and get them rung!! My sw has never had an issue with me checking on things and I doubt yours will either!!

hi everyone. Hs is now underway, medicals, crbs, done. loads to do house wise as it needs work, lots to sort with dh about choices and stuff. And wish i had never had ivf and just gone straight for this. IN amixed mood with life though bit bored of waiting and i got so much more waiting to be done!!! Thinking of numbers anyone thinking of three siblings??
anyhoo must mosey on. love to all x. x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all  

Gwyneth, I though we had sorted what you were going to do to pass the time.... paint my house    It is easy to overlook all the work you do professionally, but it counts for so much.  I always back up everything I say with 'but I understand that parenting a child 24/7 will be every different' because it will and I would hate to come across like I know it all (my god, I don't!!!) 

Gertie, did you ring?  U think that a gentle nudge is fine and shows commitment.  I understand your worry though.  Luckily we have SWs email and I prefer contacting her that way!

Nice to hear that you are getting on well Snapdragon

Get well soon Angel Mummy (and your SW too!)

Fab to hear your news HRM, like everyone has said, write things down, your mind turns to mush as soon as SW puts you on the spot  

Thinking of you Daisy, so sorry that you have had such a rough ride.  I really hope you don't have to wait until April    Do you have prep after approval or is this matching prep etc?

Frangi, I am glad things are getting going on the HS front now.  I know what you mean about the IVF, I sometimes feel like that.  We would be parents by now if we hadn't have wasted years on tests, being poked and prodded and enduring such heartache.  But equally I think that is my perception of things now.  It may have been very different if we had gone straight to adoption and we may have ended up thinking 'what if?'  It is a tricky one, especially the waiting, but it sounds like there is lots to keep you busy.  Do you get homework in between sessions too? 

Hi to everyone else, hope you and all your LOs are doing a-ok  

We have just our next lot of homework through and it's all about a casestudy.  We were given a mock up CRP last session and have worksheets to complete about the little boy (4) and his early losses and attachments, then schooling at 7, transition to secondary at 11, teenage rebelion at 15, leaving home at 21, and getting his girlfriend pregnant at 28!  How would we deal with outlined issues, what would concern us, what strategies would we implement etc.  The 28 year old one is crazy to think about as that is older that I am now, so I can't get my head around parenting a child that age    There is a lot of work involved and I think I feel most nervous about it as I want to get it right.  But then again, what is 'right'?  When it comes to children a lot of it is thinking outside of the box, how they are at that time, on that day, and sometimes getting it wrong.  It is hard to write it down on paper as I think often we naturally do what we feel is best at that time.  Who has time to really analyse things when put on the spot.  Anyway, I am waffling, just lots to be done before next week!

Also SW is going to be ringing my mum to book a meeting with her when they are next up with us in 3 weeks time.  Bless my mum, she is so excited!  She nipped to the shops earlier and briefed my dad with exactly what to say in case she rang    I kind of hope she doesn't ring while mum was out as I can hear my dad reeling off this robotic spiel in his posh telephone voice... oh dear


----------



## Treaco

Hi Girls, thinks as we are going to prep next week I would like to join your chat.  I spoke to my work about time off for appointments etc last night and they were so supportive and said they would help with whatever we needed(we both work for the same company, but in different locations), so that was a sense of relief as I work permanent nights so need to be able to get home earlier to get a sleep before appointments.


Gertie I would ring them, I called when hadn't heard about prep course after SW had been out for visit and we got on the prep course 1/2 months quicker because people had pulled out and as someone else said it shows them your keen.


Daisy glad you got things sorted out after last week.


HRM our home visit was very informal and the sw wanted to find out why we wanted to adopt and some background of us and what our support group was round us.


Will need to go back and read some more to catch up with where everyone is.


Looking forward to chatting with you all and I'm excited now to get things going.




Michelle xx


----------



## daisy0609

Thanks ladies. We are doing our prep group at the end coz there aren't enough adopters where we are for the la to run their own so we get merged with the la that has one!
Hope you are all ok and are excited about the positions that you are at with your adoptions whether it be at the start middle or end 
Xx


----------



## nutmeg

Welcome Michelle and good luck.

Gettina - did you call.

Snapdragon - so pleased things seem to be going well.
Lolly - that sounds like some pretty tough homework there! We didn't have to do anything like that so I don't envy you, I'm sure you'll do great though.

AFU - Baby girl has been home for just over a week now. In that week she's learnt how to sit up straight on her own   , has cut her first two teeth and is babbling for all the world to hear. Our bond appears to be getting stronger every day and having spent the afternoon and evening with some of my family, it has helped us feel a bit better about her "being ours". I know that may sound strange, but that bond and attachment is not instantaneous and we're working hard at "claiming" her as our daughter. But we couldn't be any luckier, she is a placid and chilled baby who is also ready with a smile and we've got so much to look forward to. Our DD1 adores her and plays with just fabulously, similarly DD2 cannot take her eyes off DD1 when she gets home from school and for me, it's one of the most beautiful sights in the world xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi ladies, have been watching all of the great updates from everyone but not posting, sorry  I do care, but I am not in a good place right now, I will be back to my jolly old self soon...and will make up for my lack of personals.

Just want to give you all an update, had a visit from the childrens sw today....very intense, lots of tough questions...our sw was suprised and said visits are not usually like that (but said we did great),  it wasnt brillliant, not feeling very positive  we have no ideas what they thought of us, but it was the hardest 2 hrs of my life, worst part of the journey so far for me and dh. We still love and want these lo's but have done what we can, competitive match so they visit other couple next week and will make a decision within 2 weeks. This is so hard


----------



## GERTIE179

Cwtbam    
You have done great but please don't read into the sw in any way. They are maybe trying to stay impartial but the fact they have seen you first is a good sign.
Fingers crossed for you
X x x


----------



## gettina

Real quicky. Dh wanting the iPad and its his so better hand it over.
Thanks for reassuring me. I found sw's email and emailed. She replied within a few hours which is impressive (in the world of sws) but just said she would raise with her manager and we should chase in two weeks if heard nothing. Far from the confirmation i wanted but hey, it was just a holding message so won't read too much into it.

Well done nutmeg. Happy claiming. She sounds wonderful. Great that she's fascinated by her big sis already. Xx
And well done cwtbm - it's done - enjoy that being behind you for now at least. Xxxx

Gettina


----------



## skyblu

Nutmeg Congratulations on claiming your little girl and so pleased she is responding well with dd1, keep up the good work hun. 

Cwtbam - I am so sorry you are going through this ridiculous competitive matching it is so unfair. I am so glad our LA don't do it and never have.
We are lucky in a way as when it came to meeting our Lo's SW, she was our SW while we went through homestudy and was covering maternity leave and she managed to get a job as a LAC SW. As she knew us so well after going through our hs she knew that we were right for lo as soon as she came up for adoption. I truly hope you are picked and it is a good sign that they came to see you first, but a 2 week wait is cruel.
I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of      Good luck hun.x

AFU- Well another hurdle over and done with , a meeting was held with all that is involved in lo's adoption and it was unanimous decision that we are the perfect match for lo.  Another 19 sleeps until matching panel. Lo's foster carers are now a little bit more relaxed now that they have had details about us, and are getting things prepared for lo to come home to us.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Cwtbm so sorry but what you are going through is so inconsiderate. What gets Me is they are always trying to protect biological families feelings even though they have been proved to be unfit and don't do the same for us who's only fault is caring too much! If they have to do this then they should see you on Thursday the others on Friday and tell you Friday night. Dragging it out for 3 weeks is cruel. I am sorry to be moody but I've seen so much upset in the last few days and it's making me mad. I really  hope it goes your way but I do feel the child's SW is being incredibly negligent with your feelings. I know the children  come first I work in children's services however that doesn't mean you torture loving adults  while doin it. X


----------



## GERTIE179

Ooo nutmeg - happy days - soo glad it's going well and hope that's me in a few weeks
Well 4 sleeps til match panel and fingers crossed 8 sleeps til meeting my little boy!!
Trying to keep my excitement levels in check but so hard since I've known about him since September. Oh well will keep my toes crossed too x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,


Just a question for anyone who has had their medicals. When you Are with your gp and the medical is completed is it possible to ask to look at It before it gets sent back to la. I just want to have a quick look through it, I'm a born worrier and I don't want to wait worrying if It's all ok. I have my medical on Monday morning. 

Thank you for any advice upfront x 

To everyone currently going through home study I hope its going very well, our sw is lovely, I'm forever asking for homework. So far I have completed our family. trees, Our ecomap, and my autobiography. I am now listing all the facilities in our area using Google maps to bullet point everything. Has anyone else had any different homework ??

Snapdragon, hope Lo is bringing you much joy.

Hope all is well for everyone whatever stages your at x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi unconditional, our GP wrote it with us going through each section. If that doesn't happen am sure you can just ask them to run through it with you x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi UL,
Our GP did like greenies both times. You normally have a copy of the form so can see he sections. If there was anything the gp flags I'm sure they will discuss with you at the time.
g Xbox


----------



## newmum

Hi unconditional

The doctor went through mine with me so I could see what she wrote and my husbands doctor give his back to him!

We had separate appointment times

Hope this helps

Nm2b x


----------



## Flash123

Can't wait - thinking of you xxx
Ucl - ours were as the others have said. Dh and I saw diff g.p's but both completed the forms with us. I asked if she was able to tell me her recommendation and she she looked t me as though I had 3 heads, said " of course, it's your medical!" she then gave me both dh's and mine to give to our sw.

Not long now skyblu xxx

Hiya everyone else

Afu - we had our par on Friday. Apart from a few minor mix ups it's utterly fab. I got quite emotional when I read it. As soon as i had read it i texted our sw but because of the wether it didnt get through, she then phoned in a panic because she thought we ddnt like it...bless her, she was dead nervous!  I know this question has been asked before but I can't remember the answer. Do you correct grammatical errors? There are only a few and I know the draft has gone to her supervisor. Would she correct them or should point them out. I really don't want to upset her.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all, after some advice please. Our little cat was knocked down and killed on Thursday and we are just devastated. We went to look for him thinking he was up to his usual tricks, and our hearts broke on th spot when we saw him laying still. We are grieving and it is still so raw, but were thinking of another pet going forward. We always wanted to bring a child up with a pet as this is what we both experienced and it is a given that this is what would happen for our LO. I just think there are so many great experiences and learning opportunities to be had. Anyway, im not sure where we stand now. Would it look irresponsible to get a pet half way through our HS or is it better to establish and settle a pet before we need to give all of that to a child? It wouldnt be fair to get a pet soon after placement I dont feel, as our child will need all of our attention. This is pouring out from pure hurt and right now I dont want another pet, I want my boy, but I know this is not possible. We are going to speak to our SW when she comes on Thursday and gauge her thoughts on things. I dont want her to think this is a rebound thing either. She knows what has happened as my mum told her when they were arranging an appointment and she was lovely, sending a kind text. She know what he meant to us. Anyway, grateful for any thoughts on this. Thank you xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Lolly, I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Two of our chickens got killed today and although not pets I am quite sad. 
I think you should just speak to your social worker without concern about judgement. I also agree that having pets is important and a great learning love tool also!!! I think your sw will just see it how you do. So sorry again. Sorry I cannot offer much advice. just wanted to send my love x x


----------



## Arrows

Flash, yes we corrected grammatical errors! 
Lolly, honey I'm so sorry. :-( we also have a cat and lost two during our adoption process before getting our LO. We replaced the first time but waited a fortnight before doing so. We had a second cat at the time and she was pining so we felt it the right thing to do. We didn't replace the second as our other cat was actually thriving as a singleton.
It'll be something that the SW will want to discuss as she will be watching to see how you deal with grief and if/ how you support one another.  Without being a pessimist, you have yet to finish homestudy, let alone panel. Then after finding the right child there are another 15 or so steps to occur before you get an LO so in reality you are likely to wait a minimum of 6mths after panel till a child comes home. This is plenty of time to get another cat, have them settled in,  jabs and neutering done and out of the worst of the kitten stage (best not to get a rescue cat as no predicting behaviour with children). So sorry for your loss. :-(


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you both so much. The loss is awful and I cant get over the shock at the moment. Arrows thank you for your timescales, it is what we had in our head at best, but many are saying wait, you are so close now. But the weeks of emptiness will drag on, it isnt that close in our heads right now. We are just worried we could never get cat and experience this again. It is just life I suppose but would the anxiety be too much? Too much swirling in our heads at the moment.

Fran, I am sorry you are feeling sad too. Loss is loss and it hurts. I hope they are all at peace.

Our SW is a cat lover, Im sure she will understand the void xxx


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi guys and gals so sorry not been on here for ages but I have been reading x
I would just like to share our news with u that we have just passed matching panel and are the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl    wooowwwww!!!!! After 11 years of waiting our dreams have come true x to all of u waiting or just starting the process hang in there because dreams of being a family do come true xx sorry its a me me me post but I wil catch up soon x and I would also like to thank each and everyone of u as u have helped me tremendously through our journey xxxx sending lots of happiness and luck to you all xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news Loubie

Lolly have you thought of getting an in door breed?? Just might give you piece of mind. Lots of love x


----------



## peacelily

Congratulations Loubieloo! She's really young too, isn't she, if I remember rightly?  Enjoy every step of your preparations now...when do you start intros?


Lolly - so sorry to hear about your cat   


Peacelily xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Lolly - hugs - its hard losing part if your family like that.

Just a quick update - copying loubielou - we have just passed MP and very very proud parents to a gorgeous little boy. I would echo LL it's a tough process but oh sooo worth the wait!!
G x x


----------



## peacelily

Congratulations too Gertie!


----------



## newmum

Congratulations gertie and loubi Lou fantastic news

Lolly sorry to hear your sad news

Sorry just a flying visit tonight

Nm2b x


----------



## daisy0609

Congrats ladies wishing you all the best for the next step xx


----------



## VEC

Loubielou and Gertie FANTASTIC!!!

X


----------



## Frangipanii

wow Loubie and Gertie amazing news congratulations. I wish you both all the love in the world and for all the stars to shine on your newly extended beautiful families!!!!
fx


----------



## Arrows

Huge congrats Loobie and Gertie!


----------



## beachgirl

wow, congratulations to you both, what a wonderful news to read...you must both be over the moon....x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Looby and Gertie.  Wishing you all the best on the next stage of your journey!


----------



## Flash123

Loobie and gertie - fantastic news. YOU ARE MUMMIES woohoooooo xxx

Lolly and frang - look after yourselves. 

Hope you are all enjoying the snow. My school is on the side of a mountain in the back of beyond. its hard enough to get to when its sunny. In ice and snow its practically impossible so we had another snow day today. Sadly I was on a course and had to attend - timing or what lol


----------



## GERTIE179

Thank you guys - your support has been wonderful and helped me to get through some dark days x


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Lou and Gertie.xx

Lolly - So sorry to hear of your loss. 

Afu- spent all day striping lo's bedroom wall paper, replastering tomorrow and then Thursday painting. Hopefully by Saturday it will all be ready for our little lady.
16 more sleeps until MP.
Can someone please let me know what you say into the recording photo books. Did you say "hello........ I'm your new mummy"
OR " Hello............I'm your mummy" any thing else you said I would be very greatfull.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Belliboo

Loubieloo & Bertie congratulations on being matched to your little ones, enjoy your introductions & bringing your little ones home xx


----------



## snapdragon

Skyblu: We said I'm Mummy and I'm daddy.


----------



## Frangipanii

So much excitment going on on here. its lovely! 
Well hs cancelled tomorrow cos of snow, and i had got all my eco maps, narrative and identity stuff done for it. Never mind. More time to spend making the hen house into a fortrees so the fox can stop munching on my chickens!! 
I cannot wait to be further down the road but at the same time any quicker may be a bit too quick. 
I just hope we make good parents....spent long enough trying 
Feeeling quite upbeat about it all though especially after all mp news. So exciting. So pleased for everyone who has had good stuff happen recently...its so great.
Anyway enough waffling and more sleeping me thinks. night all, sweet dreams of forever families!!
much love f x


----------



## beachgirl

we kept our very basic as baby girl was only 8 months old


----------



## GERTIE179

Sky blu - we just went with hi this is mummy & daddy... Didn't go with new as with our wee one young mummy daddy is just names. Wee one alms FCs mummy and daddy at present but more likely he copies everyone else in the house.
X


----------



## galaxy girl

Skyblue we were advised to use mummy galaxy and daddy x. I also did one where a pic of me said hello buttons ...


----------



## custard

Many congratulations Loubieloo and Gertie! What fantastic news.


As for us - we were unanimously recommended for approval at panel today. Whoop! Whoop! 


Love to all,
J


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations custard x


----------



## newmum

Whoop whoop custard amazing!!!


----------



## Anjelissa

I've said this elsewhere but HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO CUSTARD!!!         
I can't wait to hear news of your match    
Love Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Custard


----------



## Suzie

J I have posted to you on chatters  but just wanted to say again. 



Fanbloomingtastic news on being approved          


Hope your wait to find your little one is short 


Xx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Custard, here's hoping for a speedy match. 

Thank you every one for the tips, very much appreciated.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## snapdragon

Lo has been home 2 weeks now. Had a lovely day today which made up for the awful one yesterday. Couldn't get lo down for his nap which made him very grumpy and then at 3pm the power went off. Not much fun trying to explain to a 23 month old with limited language why you have no lights, tv, heating etc. Lo had a major tantrum when daddy went to get fish and chips for dinner and I was worried he was going to knock a candle down. Power came back at 8.30. We are still getting a lot of food related tantrums. He even has one when you toast a piece of bread as he doesn't want to wait. The worst time is between nap and tea, he keeps wanting his tea despite us giving him a couple of snacks. We have a lot of throwing things and banging his hands against the table, door etc. Today he was much better, managed to distract him most of the time. His language is coming on. He learn't "oh dear" yesterday and it was funny hearing him repeat it over and over in his cot when he went to bed.

Anyhow just wanted to say he was well worth the wait and already feels like our son and we love him to bits.


----------



## nutmeg

Lovely post snapdragon.

Huge congratulations to Gertie, Loubieloo and Custard - well done to you all xx

Our little girl is doing really well, sitting up proud as punch now and smiling at everyone who will look at her. She loves her big sister so much, it brings tears to my eyes.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Good evening ladies! How are we all tonight?


Gertie and Lou - big congratulations. Have fun meeting your LO's and starting a whole new life   
Custard - another BIG milestone done - well done for passing Panel   
Crazy spanial and Peacelilly  - how are you doing with the Wait? ? ?   
Gertie 179 - Thanks for trying to help with The Wait. I may need to PM you!  
Belliboo - You give me hope .. and I'm hanging on in there... tick-tock-tick-tock...


A wee update - our SW was round this week and we have a 'potential match' BUT our SW cannot get their SW on the phone to show our interest. DH and I were so chuffed that we were finally being considered .. but as time is passing and no news ... I reckon we have not been successful. I am back to trying to keep myself Busy so i don't dwell on it all...


Big hugs to you all out there   heading to bed as shattered. i just keep     for us. 


Take care all Noodles XX


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

A heartwarming post Snapdragon. You're doing so well...


----------



## GERTIE179

Snapdragon - wow u r doing sooo well x x
Nutmeg - aww so sweet
Love u guys updating and hoping to catch u up soon with this exciting (and tiring I bet) part
Noodles - pm away
For all u ladies going through the wait... Whatever stage... Can I just say it gets harder I think as u get closer so if u can find things to distract wherever possible (my recent distraction was buggy and car seat shortlist) Holly van gulden is my hero just now after going to a seminar of hers.

Hugs to u all
X


----------



## Arrows

Gertie I 100% recommend our carseat - maxicosi axis (I think). It's aged 9mths-4yrs and swivels to face out the door so no twisting (bad back) and less struggling to put a wriggling/ screaming child into the carseat when you can't see what you're doing! It's expensive at £170 but we claimed ours from the LA under a start-up grant. (Usually £250)


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Snap dragon I think you are doing so well power cuts are awful. I was in one once while looking after my 3 nephews who were all under 5 at the time. The 18 month year old screamed for 2 hours constantly it was horrible. 

Noodles fingers crossed that match comes through for you x


----------



## GERTIE179

Thanks Arrow - that's the one we went for too. Suits my car but I like that u can swivel it around to get a wriggly toddler in easily.
Only one sleep til I meet my little guy. Sooo excited 
X x


----------



## HRM

Hi all, sooo, sooo much exciting news on here at the moment, it's really helping me to feel positive about this journey. 

CONGRATULATIONS to all of you on passing panel, being matched and potentially matched, meeting your little ones and doing a fab job with them in the challenging early days - you are all amazing and give me so much to look forward to. 

We have our first visit from Wirral on Wed next week and then N. Wales on Thursday, so potentially... by this time next week, we might be further on the journey. 

Look forward to sharing it all with you and hearing more about your experiences. 
H xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Gertie - HUGE congratulations     You're a mummy x x x  

Loubieloo - Congratulations   x x x  

Snapdragon and Nutmeg - Sounds like you're both loving having your LO's home, it must be amazing x x x  

AFU, still waiting for the LOs SW to make a decision, one week and we should know. We've shed some tears and tried to detach ourselves a little, our SW is amazing, we've started to look at more profiles, and have some more potential links. Also, we went to an exchange day today which was fab, we left feeling really positive, got a really great feeling about one agency in particular, we came away with lots of profiles and have 6 children that we have asked for CPRs on, that's a lot I know but from reading profiles, they all seem perfect for us. 

I am feeling much much better now, I know that our LO(s) is(are) out there.

PMA ladies, dreams do come true....Snapdragon, Nutmeg, Gertie and Loubieloo are proof of that. So happy for you all x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Well done Cwtbm your being amazing and strong I think looking at other LO's is a great idea don't want to miss anything while waiting. Really hope one of them comes through quick x


----------



## GERTIE179

Welvome HRM - I try to update with good news as I remember being at your state and how much pma I hit from this.

CWTBAM - I think u are taking the right approach. Our link was like buses with 3v strong possibles coming along at once but only one wanted to meet us first and that is our little man who we meet tomo 
So so so excited ;nerves will kick in soon ;-)

Keep the faith
X


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi folks, thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for your wel wishes you are all truly amazing  
Gosh this thread moves so fast!! I can't keep up: cwtbam I feel for you u seem to be going through a tough journey at the mo but hopefully the light is shining now at the end of the tunnel sending lots of love and positive vibes and your child/ren is most certainly waiting for u xx
Good luck Hrm on choosing ur la ooo exciting times ahead!!
Noodles:  good luck on your potential match fingers toes and arms crossed  
Arrows thanku hope ur well x
Gertie oo lookes like we r at the same stage how exciting  
Snapdragon looks like ur lo is doing well and u r having lots of fun wow it makes me more excited  
Custard congratulation too on being approved exciting   x 
Nutmeg ur lo also sounds like a bundle of joy xxx wel I no I have missed a few of u out so am so sorry sending u all lots of positive vibes and luck on your journies what ever stage ur at xx will keep u updated on my journey becoming a mummy ( wow that sounds mad!!) got a few weeks before our intros so just finishing room and shopping my favourite   take care xxxx


----------



## peacelily

Noodles - thanks for asking, nothing new our end  how exciting re your possible match...fingers crossed for you 

Interesting article here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21175272

Peacelily xx

/links


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi all. 
That sure was an interesting article *Peacelily* thanks for that. 
*Loubielou* What happens now? so exciting for you, how have you managed to sleep?
*Gertie* I hope today is amazing, thinking of you and hoping it as wonderful as we all imagine.
*Cantwaittobeamummy* I hope you get some news soon, it must be very difficult but you are obviously someone with a great internal chi! love to you xx
*Noodles* any news on that match yet? Hope so!!!!
*Snapdragon* the reality is a good as we dream of, even with the hard work so that is good to know! It is so good to read the after matching news as it keeps me focused and alert to the future! 
afu...... house renovation time, oh joy. Workmen in house from next week onwards till march! Not sure how I will manage, and then the decorating to do after all that! But I have made a start on some of it so I am sure that it will be ok. 
Our sw is lovely and making sure that we get going asap so that is good to know. I think(??) we will be at panel in may or June but obviously who knows til later on. Could be earlier! 
Anyway best go and see my Nan before she wonders where I am .
love to all. x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,
Can I ask a few questions? Exchange days? How do you get involved in those? Also how long before you go on the National Register? Is it 3 months? We are just feeling a bit down as we've had very few profiles and nothing for about 5 weeks. SW isn't in regular contact which we expected but we are just feeling really helpless at the moment and want to be more proactive. We are looking at BMP and SW had previously mentioned lots of LOs going through courts etc. Our LA doesn't do competitive matching so we guess that it can take longer sometimes to get profiles.

Sorry for the me post, we're just feeling all a bit dejected at the moment.

Greenie x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop said:


> Hi everyone,
> Can I ask a few questions? Exchange days? How do you get involved in those? Also how long before you go on the National Register? Is it 3 months? We are just feeling a bit down as we've had very few profiles and nothing for about 5 weeks. SW isn't in regular contact which we expected but we are just feeling really helpless at the moment and want to be more proactive. We are looking at BMP and SW had previously mentioned lots of LOs going through courts etc. Our LA doesn't do competitive matching so we guess that it can take longer sometimes to get profiles.
> 
> Sorry for the me post, we're just feeling all a bit dejected at the moment.
> 
> Greenie x


Greenie- our sw tells us about the exchange days, but different for us as we are on the register (va), they are ran by the register but you should mention them to the sw, see what she/he says. It is 3 months before you go on to it so i would ask about to. Take a look at the adoption register website for details on the next event. Stay positive honey chin up and keep smiling, its just taking time for your lo to find you x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Greenie - keep your chin up.  There was a post a few threads back about the info and where to get it from.  I also called a few local LAs and asked if they had any nights for approved prospective adopters and created a A4 profile with pic to send as flyers (as some kind girls on here suggested).  Nothing came of it but it helped me feel i was doing something.  I also met up with others in same boat or those in my LA who had adopted before to show how i was building our support group locally.  all this was great for our SW to sell us better.

just a quickie from me - today was AMAZING!!!!  Im soo in love with my wee man already and he is just such a cutie.  I even got a good bye kiss and wave. Cannot wait to go see him tomorrow.  Got my care seat fitted today and picked up pram so feel im getting there on organisation but for you guys waiting i know its horrid but it is oh oh oh sooooo worth it!!
Sorry about the me post but i am on CLOUD9!
G x


----------



## bluebabe

Oh greenie I hope you hear something soon xx
Gertie sch an amazing time for u it goes in such a rush now he will be home soon xx
Just wanted to let u all know that our ao was granted yesterday, we were informed today by our sw.  We are so blessed xx


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi fragi, we got to just wait for 3 weeks now for intros to start   oh wel we have a life time with her  xxx
Greenibop we got told about exchange days by our sw. Just hang in there the waiting is awful just keep occupied I no everyone says this though but no one actually understands what u r goin through unless u been there like all of us here xx keep hounding ur sw that's what we did I think they were fed up of us lol! Sending u big 
Gertie: what a lovley day u have had awww how amazing x hi everyone else hope u all warm in this cold weather xxx


----------



## Belliboo

Blue babe congratulations on officially becoming mummy & daddy to your gorgeous boys xx


----------



## gettina

Been thinking of you today gertie. Thrilled to hear it was everything you hoped. 
Congratulations blue babe. Momentous. 
Wishbinhad advice greenie but others do. Hope the wait isn't much longer and wheels are turning in the background. 
Loubieloo - counting down the days or what!
Lots of progress for you frangi.
Wishing for you cwtbm
Great work snap dragon.
Wonderful nutmeg

No news as ever at my end. Hope of getting confirmation we are on our new LA's march prep course, which they said was likely, are fading. Been told to ring and check in again next week if no news before. 

Love to all
Gettina


----------



## custard

Thanks Noodles1, Nutmeg, Skyblu, Suzie, Liveinhope, Anj, Newmum2be, Greeniebop, Loubielou and everyone else for all your good wishes! It really means a LOT to us. 

J xx


----------



## Anjelissa

You are very welcome J  
We've been through so much together over the past 6 years it's so wonderful to share this journey with you now  
It seems another life time ago doesn't it, more like 10 years!  
Love Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Beliboo.  We applied for our order in August, there's been a few delays but    our AO is granted next Wednesday.  Will keep you posted

Well done to all going thru introductions at the moment, its such a wonderful time!


----------



## bluebabe

Liveinhope they wouldn't tell us when the hearing was just that it was sometime soon so it was a shock when I got the call today haha xx


----------



## oliver222

Lots of lovely news on here. Exciting times.
Quick question, on average how many hs visits have you had. Just started hs only had 2 appts so far. Next one on Tuesday.


----------



## skyblu

Greenie -   This part is by far the hardest. E mail/phone your SW and ask if there is any news yet and that you would now like to go on the NR , but I am sure they are looking for you in the back ground.  

Gertie - so pleased everything is going well with your little man.

11 More sleeps until MP for us. 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Such positive stories! As ever! Great to read and keeps all of us still on the journey all the more determined because it sounds like all your dreams have come true!

Thank you all for your kind words. We had first session without our kitty being naughty with SW yesterday and try as I might I did break down a few times. She was really kind though and we made it through another good session. She said at the end we are very strong candidates so cant ask for more than that!

Oliver, we have had 6 sessions so far and she thinks it will be 2 or 3 more. We have no children though, so obviously more if you do. We prob could have cut ours shorter but we all have a good chat when she is here. Yesterday about PPI insurance and the money she got back from having it on her next card, and her holiday plans!!


----------



## Flash123

I second what everyone else is saying. Greenie I hope you have news soon xx
Oliver we had 4 together, 1 single and have just had our final session. Home study finished and par signed off Wooooooo!


----------



## Frangipanii

Wow Flash nearly done then!?! xx


----------



## Frangipanii

just had a chat with a four year old about snowmen and it makes me remember how real all this is and how exciting it is. Cannot wait to have conversations with my own littles!! Sorry just had to share. Lve kids they are so funny!!


----------



## Flash123

We can't believe fran, next meeting panel in 2 weeks!!!! We are still in shock really, it seems so surreal. As she was leaving she said "'I'm officially telling you now is the time to get excited!" bless her.
We were back in school yesterday and had a day of building snowmen. It was magical and I couldn't help but think maybe next time when we have snow we'll be playing with ours!!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Wowowowowow i am soooo excited for you. Your sw sounds very confident so mummyhood here you come!!!!!!!!!!! yay go flash!!! xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi Girls


It's so good to come on here and see everyones good news about getting matched or going to panel, hopefully we'll be at that stage later in the year.


We had our first prep course day yesterday and I have to say found it really good and interesting.  There was about another 8 couples there and they were all really nice.


Can I ask you when you were asked what type of child you would accept(re disabilities, abuse, alcohol/drugs etc) what did you put down.


Thanks
Michelle xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Treaco, glad you enjoyed prep. A lot of our matching criteria was answered 'would consider' as we felt we really needed more info on some to make an informed decision. We also were told that cases could be minor or more severe, for example, visual impairment may mean a child is blind or simply wears glasses. So we would need more info to deem whether we felt we would cope well or not. To add, I see you have a LO at home so you will of course need to be more cautious (for want of a better word) with some things, as of course at this stage he is priority. It is hard. I felt guilty and like we were shopping for children. But we kept saying we must be honest and not accept what we couldnt manage as that is simply not fair on the child. 

Wow flash, follow the advice given and get excited!! Woo!


----------



## oliver222

Wow cant believe how short some of Homestudys are. I have third on Tuesday. 
Treaco you will probably find that your opinions will change on forms. Me and DH did ones at prep group in April and then did them again in Dec after 1st Homestudy and had changed a lot. I think it changes during process as you learn more things, read more etc. Me also have a lot of maybes as some of things are so vague and wide.
Glad you enjoyed your prep group. I am with Glasgow as well and my social worker for home study is fantastic


----------



## newmum

Oliver our HS started October we had 3 individual interviews each and now on our fourth or fifth couple interview 

Hope this helps x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, quick post on phone so apologies for lack of personals.

Thank you so much for all your great advice, feeling much more settled today. I think we just have to put faith in our SW and just check in via email every couple of weeks. 

Congratulations to those of you with such lovely news, I promise to get back on here and do some proper personals.

I can't remember who asked about HS timescale but we did ours in 6 weeks I think. 2 individual sessions each and 4 or 5 joint. not sure if that helps. Take care x


----------



## peacelily

Quick question for those of you who are approved and looking at LO's profiles, have you been told you can't have CPRs unless they anonymised?  This never happened when we adopted our son 4 years ago - we were just told we had to give back (for shredding) the CPRs of children we weren't selected for each time and were never given an electronic copy, just a paper copy.


Thanks,
Peacelily xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

We've only had copies securely emailed with surnames missing x


----------



## oliver222

Thanks for info re lenghths of homestudy. Number 3 finished today and number 4 on Monday. Have covered our relationship as a couple or support networks and we have provided our life story to social worker from birth to now (although have not discussed this as we will be doing this in our individual interviews I believe. Mondays is going to be finances, our home and local serrvices / ammenities.


----------



## liveinhope

We got our Adoption Order today.  So happy!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Liveinhope, fantastic news   xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news all official now


----------



## Belliboo

Liveinhope congratulations on your adoption order xx


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news Liveinhope


----------



## bluebabe

Fab news Liveinhope xx


----------



## daisy0609

Congrats liveinhope xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations liveinhope, that's wonderful news  
It's a great feeling isn't it, so nice to just move forward with normal family life!  
Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Thanks everyone.  It seems unreal, perhaps the celebration hearing will help.  Some mad people are going back for a 2nd go, eh Anj? Hope that's going OK!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations liveinhope x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello x

Guess what.......

We were chosen, we have a link 

6 month baby girl and 21 month little boy....scrumptious lo's!!!!

We are happy beyond words     

Life appretiation day in 2 weeks
Panel 16th April
Hopefully intros 29th April ....

Less than 12 weeks until we meet our gorgeous babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about the me post but had to share


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad I've had everything crossed for you. What an amazing match they sound beautiful. Congratulations Mummy x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Bloody fantastic cwtbam!!!       You have waited so long for this day and I truly hope it is just as magical as you had dreamed  

Liveinhope, BIG congrats to you too    Lovely news!

AFM... day 4 of prep tomorrow and 7th HS session booked for Monday.  SW is also meeting my parents who arrive Sunday for the week   It's all good xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news for both CWTBAM and Liveinhope - soo happy for you guys.

Intros are going great for us. Little man is the best boy and making us all proud. Fantastic FCs and there family have been brill too. Sooo difficult for them but they are putting little man first all the time. He'll be home for good soon and I can't wait!

G x


----------



## liveinhope

Great news CWTBAM, enjoy every minute of what comes next!


----------



## Flash123

What utterly fantastic news - cwtbam, liveinhope and gertie - goosebump time again. Fantastic and what dreams are made of xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Ditto the congrats on the wonderful news !!! It is brilliant¡¡ 
Many many congratulations. xx


----------



## VEC

Cwtbam I am just utterly delighted for you and your children.  That is fantastic!  Everyone can loosen their crossed fingers for you now  

Livinhope and Gertie congratulations and yippee!

Sorry to crash

Martha x


----------



## Unconditional-love

cwtbam, i've been following your story and praying for this end result. So pleased for you      

Livinhope and Gertie congratulations   

Lolly, day 3 of prep for us was yesterday and 6th HS session today, its very exiting isn't it ? Do you have your panel date ?   

Afu, prep and homestudy is going very well, our friends and family session is 9th feb. My medical and crb all sorted just waiting for dh's. Need to trace our ex's for their meetings which is the only thing i'm not looking forward to, oh and panel   

  to everyone xxx


----------



## HRM

Wow!!! Such good news on here yesterday!! Congratulations to you both - an adoption order and a match, so exciting!!! 

We had our initial visit yesterday and it went really well - we have been told we can put in an application and the Prep courses are in April but we'll probably be allocated a social worker in the next couple of weeks to make a start. Super excited!!! 2 sets of friends came over and we had fish and chips and 2 bottles of cava... you have to celebrate the small steps, don't you  

H xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - so so pleased for you. Was really praying it would turn out as you hoped and dreamed. What a fantastic link   

Gertie - glad intro's r going well  

HRM - your post made me giggle, your celebration sounds just like something we wud do. One rainy night while camping on our honeymoon we had fish n chips and Cava in a tent, hahaha. Brought back good memories and thought I'd share  

Xx


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news on here!

Like, like, like to Liveinhope!
CWTBAM, it's finally happened!!! I'm so, so pleased for you - stock up now on nappies -asda are doing a 108 Pampers box (3-4wks worth) for £12 at the minute.
Gertie -I'm so pleased all is going well and on track -just remember you are now a mummy and you know best (even if you don't feel like it yet) once you get LO home. 

AFU, just as we start getting into one routine and all going fine things change again! LO started to sleep through most nights 6.30pm-7am and was great -then started waking up 3-4am and just playing in his cot (So loud and no point in going to him as quite happy but not so good for me or DH who has work!), then waking again at 6am wanting to get up.  So now bedtime has been put back an hour in the hopes it will help. last night was the first night he slept from 7.15pm -7am stirring only once for just a few minutes but without us needing to go in. A grumpy child I can deal with for an extra hour at night if I get to sleep!! 
He's also been exposed to chickenpox so not sure if I'm keeping fingers crossed that he does get them or doesn't at this point! Fun, fun!
Chatterbox is now constantly on the go, singing, dancing and copying a lot of words. He's also trying to balance things which is really funny to watch as he's so careful about placing his ball just so, trying to balance it on box/ shelf/ me! He's still clingy but finally becoming more and more comfortable playing and just checking regularly to make sure I'm still there, rather than holding onto me and constantly screaming if i put him down. Perfect for his attachment development and exactly age appropriate so really good. 
Only downside at the moment is that there seem to be lots of women pregnant at the moment and all these gorgeous baby clothes when I go shopping so I'm feeling broody again! Crazy isn't it -I've only just got him to sleep at night!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely news CWTBAM, really pleased for you. 

Hi to everyone, another week over I think I get to weekends and then start feeling down in the dumps as no potential match yet. Have complete faith in SW and know that we are being considered for LO's awaiting adoption orders but the waiting is hard at the mo, we just feel so ready to be a mummy and daddy to a LO. Just have to keep the faith. Trying to sort out new kitchen as I seem to be destroying it one unit/appliance at a time so that can be a project to keep mind busy.

How are the rest of you? Hope life is being kind. Have a lovely weekend and those of you with big moments coming up.....enjoy, its so lovely to read all of the positive news on here and the happy endings....it gives me hope x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah Greeniebop really hope something comes up soon I think it will. Like you say lots going on behind the scenes will cross everything for you and some exciting news very soon x x x


----------



## someday

Greeniebop said:


> Lovely news CWTBAM, really pleased for you.
> 
> Hi to everyone, another week over I think I get to weekends and then start feeling down in the dumps as no potential match yet. Have complete faith in SW and know that we are being considered for LO's awaiting adoption orders but the waiting is hard at the mo, we just feel so ready to be a mummy and daddy to a LO. Just have to keep the faith. Trying to sort out new kitchen as I seem to be destroying it one unit/appliance at a time so that can be a project to keep mind busy.
> 
> How are the rest of you? Hope life is being kind. Have a lovely weekend and those of you with big moments coming up.....enjoy, its so lovely to read all of the positive news on here and the happy endings....it gives me hope x


Greenie hun we are the very same. It is really difficult not to get frustrated. We suspect there has been a match but all the court stuff has to happen. It will be worth it in the end. Hang in there.xxxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,

Our referees have their interviews coming up, can anyone tell me what type of things are asked ? is it similar to their questionaires they received?

Many thanks U,L xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks Gwyneth and someday, its hard isn't it?! I too am hoping that there may be a LO out there with our name on (so to speak). I think its going from having that regular contact with SW during HS etc to very little contact. DH is really frustrated. When we were approved he was so happy and finally let himself get excited about the prospect of becoming a Dad so he's finding it hard. I shall just have to keep him occupied by continuing to destroy the kitchen and him having to put it back together Have a good weekend x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I know my dh  will struggle with waiting he doesn't research etc like me so although I tell him it doesn't go in the same. He is still shocked when things are taking a long time. Keep on with the kitchen best way x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hugs greenie and someday I know how you the feel this waiting is driving us crazy. 

Still nothing for us either :-( 

Amazing news can't wait. Hugs xxx

Hi everyone else sorry not had time to read everything will stop by soon 

Hugs 
Emma xxxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Emma.

That's why I love this forum. At some point or another we will all share experiences. I love  my friends but as much as they try they do struggle to understand things and its so nice to be able to talk etc on here. Take care x


----------



## peacelily

Greenie & Emma - I know how it feels   


Oops, nearly forgot to say massive congratulations to CWTBAM!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

We are supposed to be at panel next week but we've had no confirmation re panel members, location or time.  Will email SW but she's part time...


----------



## Flash123

Ours is a week Wednesday auntie and we've heard nothing either. Everyday, when I get home from work I excitedly check...but nothing yet! Hope we both hear soon!!


----------



## skyblu

CWTBAM,  I am so so pleased you and Dh have been chosen, roll on the next 12 weeks  

Greenie and Emma    hang on in there. This part is the worse but when you finally linked you will forget the pain of waiting..

Afu matching panel is now only 6 sleeps  away. Had some new pics of lo and my god she has changed so much from the first photo  which was taken in Sept . They change so quick!!!

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all

Happy Saturday!  Hope you are all well?

Skyblue, how are you feeling?  Lovely to have some new pics of your little lady, are you all ready for intros?

Sorry to those still waiting, I know that is the part that scares me the most.  I think we get used to the constant visits and homework and all the build up.  It will be strange when it is taken away.  I am sure that a lot is happening behind the scene though and I really hope you all start receiving news soon  

Eeek, I see some panel dates coming up, this thread really does move super fast.  Love it!!

Unconditional love, how did your sessions go?  Our training went well, although was a lot to take in   the sessions were education, emotional wellbeing, contact, explaining adoption and post adoption support.  We haven't got a panel date yet, they don't seem to give them until right towards the end!  Our 8 months are up at the end of June, so we could be going sometimes that month, but our SW thinks we will be ready before, it just depends if there is space   Have you got a date?  She thinks we will be finished with our HS sessions end of feb, then she will do our references March and write report April!

Well we have our next visit on Monday.  SW is meeting my mum and dad before hand as they arrive for a week this evening.  I know my mum is super excited    I can see her putting the posh voice on and my dad bumbling around in the background, spilling the coffee as he will be nervous!! haha!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi lovely ladies!

Thank you for all the lovely replies x

Emma, someday and Greenie - I hope you get your links soon, I have everything crossed for you all  x  

Lolly - hope the visit with your folks goes well, you will be at panel before you know it x

Skyblu - 6 sleeps EEEEEK x How old is your LO now? Xx

Flash and AuntieKatie - I hope you hear soon, I am sure it will all go swimmingly and you will sail through panel x 

Unconditional love - I beleive our referees were prodded for more detail to what they answered on the questionnaire x 

Arrows - thats the first thing I did, lol! The nappies are a bargain  been shopping today for cups, bottles, dummies, plates etc...some great offers in Tesco x I hope you managed to get sleep...and that your munchkin has settled x x 

HRM - congratulations on starting your adoption journey x

VEC - thank you x x x

Gertie - so glad intros are going well, you must be uber excited about Monday   x x x

Live in hope - mahoosive congratulations x x x x

To everyone else good luck with whatever stage of your journey you are at   x x

Afu, still on cloud nine....I love these children so much already, love love love love them!!!!! We have the life appreciation day on the 14th, cant wait for more pics....am hoping for a DVD...not sure if we get one....shall I ask, or is that cheeky? I am so incredibly happy, I had prepared myself for a no, and spent weeks feeling really sad! Dream do come true, tje adoption journey is tough but it is so worth it. 

You ladies have been fab and your well wishes mean a lot to me, you have and are helping me through this journey, thank you x x x


----------



## Flash123

Cantwait - I am so envious of you being able to ligitamately walk 'the aisle' and actually SHOP  as opposed to the dodgy stalking and wishful looking at bottles/cups/nappies tht I currently do lol . Bliss and I'd say yes yes yes yes yes to asking for a DVD of your treasures. Bet you'll be getting up in the middle of the night and playing it lol enjoy every minute

Skyblu wooohoooo 6 more sleeps. Hope they fly by xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Flash....you CAN legitamitely walk down THE aisle because you ARE going to be a mummy very soon x   enjoy it...x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Girlonsea, you will be fine and things will start moving before you know it. Don't lose sleep over it x


----------



## GERTIE179

Wowsers - you guys are very chatty i'll need to try and read through to catch up D
Skyblu eek 6 sleeps soo happy for you.
AFU - intros have been great considering FC has family member unwell and little man and mummy has a heavy cold! But we have kept up and had a lovely day so far (after a major tantrum as I got him out of cot instead of foster mum). The connection is strong for us all but LO struggling a bit so expecting a few hellish weeks as he adjusts so I'm spending my last free night in bed early with night nurse lol
Hugs to u all - esp if u r waiting as I know it can be he'll but its oh oh so worth it


----------



## GERTIE179

Oh skyblu - we got lots of photos and some he had changed but now we have met him he hadn't really changed just depends on the second the camera caught him.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Our confirmation of Panel came yesterday!  9:15 am on Thursday morning...    It says attendance is voluntary however we'd always been lead to believe we had to be there.  Personally I'd rather not go but DH says we should in case they have any queries we can settle there and then.  So, here we go!  What we've been working to since October 2011.


----------



## HRM

Best, best, best of luck Auntie Katie - not that you need it as this is simply the final signature on the process. I'm sure it will all go swimmingly and then you can start looking forward to hearing about your forever child(ren)!!! Super exciting. I love this thread, it's so positive and there is so much more good news than I'm used to from 4 years on the IVF threads. 

We are still excited about getting our yes on Wed, but I am now inevitably starting to wonder when we'll hear from her next and when I'm allowed to send off our lovely form, which is now 35 pages long!!! She said I could ring her for an update this Wed if she hadn't been in touch by then. Wed can't come soon enough!!! 

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, 
H xxx


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all, not had chance to have a proper read through the last few pages, but needed to say a huge congratulations to CWTBAM - soooo pleased for you sweetie.

Good luck at panel this week AuntieKatie and matching panel Skyblu.

Our daughter has been home 3.5 weeks now and all is going even better than we coupld have hoped. Our daughters love each so much, it's heartwarming. We've had our LAC review and everyone was really pleased with everything - it feels like she's always been here


----------



## Frangipanii

Hey Nutmeg what a wonderful family!! Sounds amazing!!
Sorry for me post but on phone and it is playing up. Been nesting this weekend which i think is very premature I realise but it keeps me busy and i suppose its nesting into a new house to. I did some baking which if you knew me youd laugh!! I love cooking especially with chilli's but cooking sweet stuff is just not me!!! I also made a wellington boot stand from crappy wood in thr stable and made a tabasco sauce. Sad arent I. So funny my life is based on this adoption and I am so ready for it!!!I hopr all you lovely people who are my sanity had a lovely weekend!! love to you all xxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Nutmeg what a lovely post. 3.5 weeks - Wow that has simply flown by. Isn't it amazing how quickly you can't imagine life any other way.

Fran- nesting , love it  have to admit if I started cooking dh would think someone else had walked into the house but as for the home I feel exactly the same. It's the only thing that's keeping me going. Skip has been filled and is gone, room stripped and furniture ordered - happy times.

Gert - hope the night nurse worked  enjoy the next few days

Everyone one else - hello xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

flash, 
skyblue, 
hrm 
a-katie;  good luck to you all for panel, you must be soooo exited..  

lolly, We was given our panel date on the 3rd jan that was actually our first home study meet, panel is on 10th may, our homestudy and par has to be completed by the end of march, not sure why it has to be completed so soon before panel. Maybe its just incase we need to make any changes. Hope your meet goes well today with your parents.

frangipanni, hi, where are you in the process now ? i recieved a message from you on my other thread and sent a reply, maybe you haven't seen it. Carry on with the nesting, I am in the process of listing a to do list for the house and garden, i think it keeps us busy. Funny you say your life is based on adoption as i am exactly the same. We do try to have a break from it but wherever we go or whatever we do the conversation always ends up back to adoption.  

Hi to everyone xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Lo (2 this month) has been home 4 weeks today and feels like he has been here forever.  We had our review on Friday and everyone is happy with the way things are going. Have had a few difficult days when lo has been ill and not slept. He still wants to eat all the time but doesn't have tantrums about it now which is a step forward.  He is learning new words all the time, his favorite at the moment being no! 

Nice to here lots of good news. Good luck to everyone on their journeys.


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww snapdragon lovely to hear things are going well. It's difficult when illness gets in the way. I think we have several weeks of lost sleep (lo is not the greatest sleeper anyway but expect it to go backwards due to the move)
X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah lots of lovely happiness on here today  

I've signed up to run a half marathon and race for life to keep me busy. Just back from a 4 and a half mile run. Also thought has to make my medical better surely as you say it's all comes back to adoption lol. 

Take care and enjoy your weekends x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Flash u made me laugh re.cooking. Good job it is not a requirement that you have to be a domestic goddess!!!Cos i would not have got this far. What furniture are you ordering?! So exciting!! 
Unconditional...sorry missed your post duh!! I am so glad that you are in same boat as me well not for your sake! Ha ha. It is very encompassing isnt it. Living and breathing A.D.O.P.T.I.O.N. OMG. HOw big is your to do list....mine keeps growing...there wont be any money left to spend on the kids if i am not careful!!We havr had two hs's now well maybe one and a half so fair way to go yet!! 
Just had a two and a half hour individual hs and wow it was strange! Nice and i felt a bit funny after cos nothing was about adoption which makes sense in my brain but not in my heart!! I wanted something tangible to concentrate on like...well panel could be or you need ? sessions but no it was all about me.  that felt strange. But overall good. 
Dh has disowned his parents and family which will get investigated has anyone else had anything like this and had any problems. Just curious. We think it is fairly straight forward ie no child abuse in childhood just complete lack of respect and trust etc. It is complex. 
Hope everyone is getting on ok and getting closer quicker 
xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Hi Frangipanii.  DH has also disowned his family, well, his dad left when he was quite young and went off to start a new family, they lost contact, and his mum has lots of issues and finally we just gave up, the emotional damage she was causing to everyone involved became too much, once that happened his aunts stopped talking to us as well, well, the one that still was talking to us, the other one failed to turn up at our wedding so that was the end of that!   

It was talked about, it helped that his brother and sister also have no contact (so it's not just us being loopy) and we discussed how it would appear to the panel, but he pointed out that actually it would give him lots of relevant experience, and just because he 'chose' to have no further contact with his family didn't mean he couldn't support a child if they decided they did want to have contact, it just means he would have good experience to draw on. SW was pushing him to try to contact his dad again, but he told her it was his decision and no one was going to push him into something that wasn't right for us as a family.   

I don't think anything should be a problem as long as you recognise the positive and negative aspects of any situation and show you can deal with it.  Good luck!!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks so much Auntiekate. Your words of advice help so much. Dh's family are pretty imoral and have stolen off us on a couple of occaisons, they are members of the bnp party and are only out for themselves they also think that if we had bio children then they wouldnt be related to my parents properly because i am adopted not that We are going to mention that. They now live in France so hoping that the didtance parts helps and we have mentioned thst to our social worker and he said that it should not be a problem. As you said it would be great for thrm to hear dh talk about learning from their mistakes and how we can make sure we act differently. At the end of the. day it is dh's choice and he will never change his mind on hst. I feel alot better from reading your post as it puts my mind at rest!!!thanks x x x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,
We have emailed SW to express all of our feelings about struggling with the waiting etc and she replied straight away. She said that we have been put forward with several other couples for several small children. As our la don't do competitive matching she doesn't tell people until they have been chosen to avoid disappointment. I think she felt that we needed at least some news to keep us going, we've also been invited to an exchange day. We feel happier knowing that things are happening and fingers crossed that LO is out there 

Can I ask if anyone has attended an adoption exchange day and how you found it? I teach so don't know whether or not school have to give me time off or whether it is at their discretion? I hope that everyone else is well. Sorry for 'me' post, had a pants day at work so was lovely to come home to a reply x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think it would be at schools discretion but if you went to your union I recon they would have to back down. Tot up the time pregnant colleagues have off and if you've had less you have an even more powerful discrimination argument. 

I've never been pregnant so don't know how much time you miss exactly but from working with pregnant people to be honest it seems a hell of a  lot. I think it is immoral  and unfair if we aren't given time for the things we need to do. 

Just depends how much you are willing to rock the boat in order to get to go. If you create a big enough stink they will back down out of fear you can get them for discrimination at tribunal however knowing schools ( I have worked as a teacher for 4 years) it will take a lot of creating to get there   . Good luck whatever you decide x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks gwyneth, think if they say no I'll take it as unpaid as want to go back part time as and when the time comes so don't want to rock the boat x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good idea as long as they'll let you x x


----------



## bluebabe

Greenie it shouldn't be a prob as you are allowed same as anti natal apps xx


----------



## peacelily

I don't think that's standard, Bluebabe...I agree it should be, but I don't think it is.


----------



## Flash123

Fran- I have several half siblings that I am estranged to. The separation wasn't particularly pleasant or ammicable and the last time I saw them was at our dad's funeral - 24 years ago. Our sw explored it but not in huge detail. she was more interested in how I delt with it rather than the why's and needed to make sure I didn't still have any unresolved issues. It really didn't cause us any difficulties - in fact she said it would give me some understanding about the loss of one's birth family that our lo will have gone through. Whenever we talked about it I kept referring back to our adoption and what it has taught me  

Greenie- I think it differs from authority to authority. I teach in a Welsh la and I know we are entitled to the same allowances (both time and financial) as pregnant employees. However, it's like the others have said it depends how much you want to share and tell them. I have thought about this too and I think if we have the chance to go on an exchange day I will prob take it unpaid leave. That way, when a match happens I wouldn't feel guilty about taking days off to meet health workers etc. mind you I have the added complication of having taken nearly all of the autumn term off (sick leave) to help nurse my mum who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of aug/beg of sept. im the deputy and every time my head sees me walk towards her with a piece of paper she has kittens bless her - thinking its another sick note


----------



## Flash123

Forgot to say - we have our panel invite woooohooooo. I am so excited/nervous/inpatient/terrified (tick any of above  this time next week we will know our fate and I am really started to think 's*** with so many disappointments over the last few years can it really happen?' 

Def need a shopping trip to calm my nerves - decisions, decisions.....what to wear arrrrrrrrrr lol


----------



## bluebabe

Your right it should be peace lily, I can only talk from experience I teach in a primary and made sure I knew my rights I was also lucky to have a very understanding head xx


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Greenie: I would say you would have to take holidays or in paid unfortunately adoption appointments aren't seen the sane way was anti natel. I am very lucky and will get the same leave as maternity however no such luck for appointments like home visits. I would ask your manager though like the saying goes if you don't ask you don't get m, good luck 

Flash: amazing news I bet you feel all those emotions massive best wishes

We have another home visit tomorrow and I can't wait. Everything seems to be going ok and roll on panel day I say lol


Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Flash thanks for that...it so helps to get other peoples perspectives. I think it will be covered and discussed but hope like u said about how it can help etc not other stuff!! I detest his parents and my life is so much better without them in it and Dh feels even happier than i do about not having them in his life!! so it shouldnt be an issue. 
I am sooooooo pleased for you about your invite!!! It is sooooooo exciting!!! Big lovely shop and then down to it!! so happy for you to be going to the next stage!!! You are such a great support and it is trully lovely to think u r a step closer!! xxxx


----------



## gettina

Good luck - not that you'll need it!- for tomorrow to auntie Katie. X


----------



## VEC

Greeniebop, this thread has some info re exchange days http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=295286.msg5196442#msg5196442

Flash, I hope your mother is doing okay. 

Mx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoo  for you getting to panel! I'm sure it'll go perfectly x


----------



## Flash123

Auntiekatie - 1 more sleep...best of luck chickadee 

Fran - pleasure. You are so right, it lovely to know there is so much support here when we need it. Over the years ths sight has helped me through some pretty dark times - and the support is still going strong. Cheers everyone.

Vec - thanks lovely. She's doing really well. She is such a fighter and I am so very proud of her. All the way through her treatment the adoption has kept her going. If we are successful this will be her first grandchild and if anyone was put on this earth to be a nanny it was her. At times she more excited than us lol 

Be safe everyone ...it's mighty windy and blustery out there today!!


----------



## Ourturn

Lovely to see so much good news on here   . Sorry I am more of a lurker than a poster during my long wait to start the prep course. 


Am I imagining things or did I read the law was changing to bring adoption/leave in line with maternity and that this would happen in 2014? I have googled but can't find any reference to this? 


Also would this law cover paid leave for things like prep courses/home study/pannel etc or do we still need to take it unpaid or as holiday?


Its so unfair! I have yet to approach my employer, but their policy outlines the statutory bare minimum for adoption leave and there's no mention around taking leave for prep etc. Part of me doesn't want to tell my manager but I will have to as the prep happens every Wednesday for 6 weeks and that will be VERY disruptive as I work in a small team.


----------



## nicpic

Hi all
Have not been on here in months and months but finally we have been linked with a beautiful 18 month old boy. I can't even describe the overwhelming emotions I have felt since we received the news. We got to matching panel on 21 st Feb.
I just want to reassure everyone who feels the time is dragging. We were approved last June and in Jan I started to feel like nothing would ever happen. We had no links in that time. Then out of the blue-a phone call and it has moved at great speed since then. My entire world has turned upside down, in a good way! The expectation is he will be with us in March so be prepared when it does happen!!! It's bloody fast and rightly so! For me I want him to be here tomorrow!
Greenie- just a comment on the exchange day. We went to our first one in November. It is very much focused on the harder to place children and as we are looking to adopt younger, there weren't many suitable children for us to discuss. That said we used it as an opportunity to give our profile to many local authorities from around the Uk for future reference. I found it very overwhelming and felt I had to do about 60 sales pitches but it gets your details out there if that is what you want. Whilst we have actually been linked locally now I know of 2 couples who have been linked from that day so it does work for some!
Anyway, I wish all of you the very very best of luck and hang in there. Keep everything crossed for us on 21st feb!!!    
NIC xx


----------



## superal

I'm another lurker as my children are a lot older now but I often check in and read the lovely news and I just wanted to say Congrautlulations Nic on your match...its lovely when people who have waited a while spread the happiness and give other people hope to hang in there.
Dreams do come true...........I'm an adoptive Mum of 2, a son who is nearly 20......gosh...........only seems like yesterday not 16 years ago!, and a daughter who was 9 months old and is now at high school!
Good luck to everyone


----------



## gettina

Whoops I was wishing my week away last night getting my days mixed up - thanks for getting it right flash- so I'm going to say it again - good luck for tomorrow aunty Katie  

Yay nicpic.

Good luck coping with all the logistics of it ourturn. I'm just starting; trying to take time off for prep a long while off and straight off have a work difficulty -  sigh.

Lovely post flash  

Gettina x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hope work stuff gets sorted gettina x


----------



## galaxy girl

I discovered after I'd gone on adoption leave that I could have got the time off for prep etc  and as the treat them the same as anti natal..... The info was in the work life balance policy. You could see if your employer has one. I took prep as annual leave and all our home study sessions were in the evening. Cause I didn't know about this at the time!


----------



## Arrows

I was given all the time off i needed but it was unpaid, except for attending the panels themselves!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

We've been recommended for approval!     Wow, that was a long morning, SW said the panel was in a strange mood!  But we are recommended for a yes for up to 3 kids, with no specified age range!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Well done    
Great news!! X


----------



## daisy0609

Fab news Auntie Katie congrats let's hope your wait is not too long xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

CONGRATULATIONS Auntie Katie  More wonderful news


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic Katie   great news x


----------



## newmum

Congratulations auntie Katie soon to be Mummy x


----------



## Flash123

Wooooohoooooo auntiekatie utterly fantastic news. YOU ARE GOING TO BE A MUMMY !!!!!!!!!!

Up to 3 any age!!!!!!! Wow - now  there 's a choice. Do you feel any preference at all for age or numbers? Is that what your sw recommended aswell?


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I think the 3 was so that we can have 2 but if BM then becomes preggers again we can easily be considered for the new LO.  Realistically we think 2 is our max.  Age wise, we think 2-6 but ideally 3 & 4 ish feels right.  SW seems happy with that.  I wonder if the decision maker might narrow it down at all, not sure.... So many things to consider!  Family and friends are thrilled!    DH is in a tiz, just because it's all becoming a reality and he can see him being a daddy and I'm, as usual, thinking that what will be will be, the right thing will happen for the right reasons, we just have to be true to ourselves.  Forever children will join our family when the time is right I'm sure.

I know we are a little odd, but we haven't pursued birth children at all, we didn't try to have our own so although we didn't use contraception we didn't actively try to get preggers, we just knew we weren't set on birth children and would love a family from adoption.  There are so many LO's that need a loving home.  I'm excited that we an fulfil our need for a forever family this way. So, we never had to overcome the loss or sadness of infertility. We really believe this will be great for us... Now, to the next step!!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

AuntieKatie - Congratualtions on becoming approved. Such a milestone, hope you are celebrating. 

P.s DH and I are the same as you guys, we knew adoption was for us, we dabbled a little with investigations and medications but it only confirmed what we already knew, we were simply meant to adopt. There was nothing wrong with us fertility wise, it just wasn't working and we were content with not pushing it any further so didn't pursue IVF. Don't get me wrong, it was bloody hard at the time and it was a huge decision to stop where we did and not continue (which I think most ppl thought we were mad for doing) but it was right for us. And now we are matched and our little girl will be home in a few weeks, we r so settled and happy to have taken the journey we did, it lead to the outcome it was always meant to. She was always meant to be with us and that's just how it fate intended it   It's not strange at all, just our outlook on life  

Xx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

It's lovely to hear that we aren't so strange after all!  We've been out for a meal this evening, just the two of us.  tomorrow we go away with my two best friends and their husbands for 3 nights in a cottage, we try to go every year and this year we have a special reason to celebrate, so drinks all round! Dogs and kids are left at home, this is adults only and lots of lie ins, beers and food    The two ladies were our references too so we owe them a few cocktails!


----------



## Flash123

I agree with you completely auntie, what is meant to be will be. Your forever family will find you but it's also so strange to think that it is really a reality .  It's funny you say about fulfilling your need for a family through adoption, although we did actively try we had a lightening bolt moment and both realised we didn't want to pursue a family 'at all cost' and we were getting to the stage when it would have been 'at all cost' . I know 100% that we were meant to adopt and I'm just sad that we waited so long. Take care and I hope you leapfrog through the next step and your forever family find you in no time at all


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Flash, huge good luck for next week (have I got that right??) looking forward to seeing you post up your positive news!!!


----------



## gettina

Congrats auntie Katie. Well done! Bet you will have a great break. Sounds wonderful. Enjoy celebrating. X


----------



## Frangipanii

Congrats AuntieKate....even read your news out to my whole family I was so pleased for you. Hope the times flies til you meet your children. Would love to have same approval...ie 3 los aged whatever!!!
afu...Parents got their paperwork today....scary stuff, our references have all had them now I think!!! So things are moving forward at the right pace for me. Alhough wouldnt want to go any slower!! 
Hope all threaders are either happily conten with the h/s,prep etc or peeps are tredding the waiting with a smile. much love to all x x x


----------



## skyblu

Congrats Auntiekate, You didn't have your panel in Carmathen in West Wales by any chance? If you did we may of seen you this morning cheering and all smile after coming out of the meeting and your dh said" it's not that bad honest" (if this was you of course)

AFU we had a resounding yes at matching panel and our little princess will be home first week in March. Panel ran on for ages and we had to wait in a room on our own for nearly an hour( our child has a complex family to say the least) and then we were only in there for 10 min and it was over. It was the worst hour of my life but the panel was easy compared to approval panel.
We get to meet lo on my birthday in 2 weeks time. Best birthday pressie ever.

For all of you waiting, your lo is out there and he/she wont be long seeking you. When we were postponed for 12 months we thought it was the end of the world but our lo wouldn't be ours if things had gone smoothly, so if you get a delay or things are not moving as fast as you like, yes it is frustrating but these obstacles are there for a reason and your lo will be with you when fate tells you. 
It is all worth it in the end.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Flash123

Wow skyblu, goosebump time. What an amazing birthday prezzie .
YOU ARE A MUMMY - WOOOOHOOOOO...how good des that sound? Time to shop sweetie xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoo! Another Mummy and a Mummy to be great news ladies x x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Skyblu   Enjoy being a mummy!


----------



## GERTIE179

Skyblu - I'm oh oh so happy for you!! Congrats and enjoy your nesting time. Our boy has been home for 5 days now and it's o so wonderful x x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Congratulations Skyblu!!  No, not us in Carmarthen, but good to hear of another happy outcome!


----------



## Keg

Auntie Katie my eyes have lit up at your post.  I have two little boys (biologically) but really want to adopt.  My youngest is 3, so (assuming I do not lose my job) we will apply to adopt when he is at school.  I just feel it is what I am meant to do.  I know people will find it odd, but I don't care.  It is so glad to hear others are the same.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Lots of new on here so here goes with an attempt to catch up:
Flash123 - Good luck for panel next week, you will be fine. Really glad to hear your mum is doing well, it's amazing how tough people are and how hard they are able to fight x
Nicpic - congratulations on your link, lovely news to hear x
Auntiekatie - Congratulations on your approval x
Sky blu - congratulations on your match with little one. March will be here before you know it. Have you hit the shops yet?

I hope that everyone else is well. I seem to have picked up yet another bug and was in bed all day yesterday except for dashing to the loo to throw up,don't think the stress of work is helping but getting fed up feeling run down all the time. Looking forward to half term back in December we expressed an interest in a LO but were then told they needed to do some work with him? We've now been told that his SW has asked for and has our PAR which is exciting. Hopefully if SW likes us we will get his report. Earlier in the week we were also told by SW that we are being considered (along with several other couples) for several small children so we are feeling much more positive. I think that it is so easy to feel forgotten during this stage and that's what we told our SW who has been much more communicative since then.

Fingers crossed there are lots of approvals, links and matches around the corner. X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news glad things are starting to move along now x x


----------



## Guest

Hi All,

Can I join you please - got my prep group next week hopefully - we have had the parenting and loss course and now have to see the SW on Wednesday to make sure we are ready to continue to the prep course.  So more nail biting nerves.

How do you stay sane during this process? Xxxxxx


----------



## Arrows

chocolate, friends, this forum -I ended up completing a 2yr teaching course on top of a full time job which occupied my mind constantly as incredibly hard and meant i spent 8am-9.30pm twice a week and 8am-7pm twice a week at work!
Seriously -find a hobby/ project!! 
What about genealogy to trace your family tree, make a crochet blanket, learn a language?!


----------



## Guest

Hahahaha I like your options - sounds like you have filled the time well - I am considering a course too but  n not sure if I will have time on to of everything else! I will stick to going to the gym for now to burn off my frustrations! Then look at other things but chocolate is always a good option  how are you getting on ? X


----------



## Arrows

Good thanks Mrsjrum, 
We heard from our SW today and our application has gone in now to the court so providing the preliminary meeting goes well in 6wks time, then LO will officially become ours in April! Very exciting times and worth all the waiting and hoop jumping. 
Currently LO is either coming down with a bad cold or chickenpox,  we'll see what tomorrow brings!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news arrows hope your Lo isn't poorly for too long x x x


----------



## Flash123

Fab news arrows - I know it prob doesn't feel it but that time seems to have flown by. I was lurking and not posting at the time but I remember your journey - and now you have your pot of treasure at the end of the rainbow. As you said, it makes all the waiting and frustrations worthwhile.

Hi mrsjrum, and welcome. I like the options too, time drags so much when you are waiting doesn't it? 

Well, Unless we have any last minute cancellations (fingers crossed) tomorrow is panel Day. I didn't realise I was so stressed and worried about it. This is sooo unlike me because I am def a 'what is meant to be will be person'. 

Will keep you posted xxx


----------



## farm boy

hi flash.
i just wanted to wish you the very best of luck tomorrow at panel. you say you are a 'what will be' kinda person, well i'm guessing that 'what will be' is that it will all go just great and you will be approved and then it is all systems go for the journey of your life.
good luck to you and your husband.

**..


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hey mrsjrum

Good friends help you stay sane through this process I don't know what I would/will have done without them  and there still there for me 100% of the way as I know they will be for you  

Welcome to the chat thread and ill be thinking of you Wednesday 

Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck for tomorrow Flash ( not that you'll need it ). Hope it is as smooth and quick as possible x


----------



## Guest

Thanks all.

Emma - yes you-are totally right and they still will be   I would be lost without my for friends and they all know who they are including youxxxxxxx

Flash good luck at panel my fingers are crossed xxx

Arrow so glad you made it through the process and it was all worth it.  Good luck with the next stage and I hoe lo is better soon 

Xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## HRM

Good luck Flash!!! 
H xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck flash x


----------



## skyblu

Welcome Mrsjrum  , as someone had said find a hobby to help time pass. Since I have started the adoption process things are starting to move a little faster, started a small business to pass the time and now I am stressing and have a lot of orders to do by Feb 25th before I close up for a few months.............help 

Flash, good luck tomorrow, not that you need it. They would not be taking you to panel if they didn't think you were ready, still stressfull I know 

AFU, Thank you so much for you good wishes, we meet our little princess a week Thursday and we still have loads to do before she comes home 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Frangipanii

So excited for you Skyblu!!
Good luck Flash for tomorrow!! will be thinking of you and looking forward to the great news!!! xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

So nearly there skyblu, so happy for you! Hope the busying about makes the time go quickly, you will be meeting your daughter before you know it!

Flash, ive posted on your other thread, but you can never have too many good luck wishes so here are some more... Masses of luck, im sure you will be a-ok! Thinking of you!

Hope everyone is well and happy, love Lolly xxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Ladies!!! Just a quick post to say. well I dont know actually. I suppose I just want to say somethin to acknowledge that I am part of something. Something wonderful but when nothing is happening it can seem a bit empty. Like a void of space. I am sick of tying to excuse myself from being normal because of the disruption 'if' has caused in my life. with a career on hold and even with plenty to do I feel like I should be somethin!!! Not like u can annouce it to the world! 'Oh yes you sitting in the bus stop judging me although you are probably not you are probably wondering what time the bus is coming!! I am WAITING TO BE GRANTED PERMISSION TO BE A MUM!! ok so maybe not but sometimes writing on here is my only connection with it all. Hubby deals with  things verydifferent to me and has other things on his mind!! I need that connection...i even read the ivf thread just to feel somehow involved in something releva t. I am weird arent I. oh soon it will progress and I will be glad of this peace!! rant over!! 
I do think if I dont get through this I am selling up and moving to an  island, getting a pet moneky and swimming every day!! So at least I have options!!
Hope u are all well and feeling good!! x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah sweetie I understand being different to everyone else you know is really hard. We are waiting  to start prep in June and the weeks seem to last forever. Like you my career has been on hold  I thought you I'd be a mum by 24 so what was the point I was filling a couple of years. Now at 28 nearly 29 all my friends  have had  great career achievements and are now all pregnant. This makes me feel like a total failure they have done both and I have done nothing. Knowing they Will probably have their second  before I'm matched kills me but I just don't  contact them very much. They haven't supported me so I'm ok with it. I have a lot of siblings so try to fill my time with them. Also the dog and running x


----------



## bluedreams

I'm the same age as you Gwyneth, and thought exactly the same! I'm 29 and thought I'd have at least one by now! I guess I was destined to create my family in a different way.  

I'm really sorry to hear that your friends haven't been as supportive as they could have been.  I've just started discussing adoption with my mates, so honestly not fully sure what they are thinking at the moment.  But i think they understand


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I also understand Frangi... We are kind of living in a limbo land at the moment, a land of promise and excitement, but equally of uncertainty and secrets. We have so much going on and round our heads but to the outsider we just go to work and come home, have the freedom and life is easy!! Even those that do know do not understand the complexities of it all, and the fact that even when the visit is over and the homework is done we are still thinking, planning, saving, hoping. It is draining! And to get what comes so easily to others. I was in the staffroom at lunch time in the middle of a 3 way conversation about how easy it was for them to get pregnant, one is 17weeks and said her husband only has to drop his pants and she gets pregnant. Another said she was so upset when she got pregnant as she was on the pill and didnt want another. Then the third pipes up that she had the coil and still got pregnant. It hurt so bad that it is all just taken for granted. 

My age was 23 for my first, although started trying at 21 with an ex. Now am 28 and hope with all my heart this is the year I will be a mum.

Love to you all, we will get there and I really pray that when we do we will be so glad that we took this journey as it will have lead us to our babies xxx


----------



## Flash123

We had a YES!!!!!! Woohoooo

Thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and wishes, as I said last night it never ceases to amaze me.
Off out now to celebrate with a nice meal and several glasses of something cold and fizzy - just dh and myself xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic!! Well done, advantage of becoming an adoption Mummy you can still have some fizz to celebrate x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wohoooo Congratulations Flash, great news. Bee. Thinking of you all day, enjoy your celebration 😃 xx


----------



## bluedreams

That's fantastic news Flash!  Enjoy the celebrations xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

*Congratulations!! Congratulations!! Congratulations!!*

Looking forward to hearing the gory details but in the mean time, enjoy your meal and fizz xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

MASSIVE  Flash     Brilliant news, enjoy the fizz, if anyone deserves it you do


----------



## gettina

well done flash and dh. many congrats  
enjoy the celebrations xxx


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Flash! Enjoy the celebrations


----------



## beachgirl

congratulations Flash...xx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations flash!! That's brilliant news xx


----------



## Flash123

Ladies and farmboy - Thank you so much for your posts and pm's.  How sad are we..home already lol I think the emotion of the last few days has finally hit home and we are whacked.

I can honestly say it really wasn't all that bad at all.  we had a particularly nice panel and for that we will be eternally grateful. They were running about 50 minutes late which made things a lot worse. The couple in front of us appeared to have a bit of a grilling so we were terrified. They discussed our par for about 20 mins, Called us and our sw in together  and then asked us some daft questions. All of them were aimed at me and some were really not related to adoption. It was like they were asking questions for the sake of it - one asked me about my job and if I enjoyed it, another asked if I think it would help derrrr I'm a sen teacher, run a nurture class and am child protection officer and then one randomly asked if we liked teenagers!!! I felt like saying 'have you seen our recommendation - its for 0-2 years not 0-12!!! All the wy through our sw sat like a mother lion protecting her cubs. She had her arms crossed and a real look of 'come on...ask me a question if you dare' she was amazing. 

Well night, night all. Going to watch some mindless tv and try to take it all in xxx


----------



## VEC

Flash, that's fantastic news, I'm so pleased it went so well.

Xx


----------



## daisy0609

Congats flash xxx


----------



## oliver222

Congrats Flash


----------



## kizzi79

YAY!!!!!!!! Congrats Flash - that is fab fab fab!! 

K  x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo congratulations flash fantastic news xxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations Flash. Not really a surprise... 
x-Lolly-x ...although I am grateful that you understand I am sad that u do! Wish we were both Mums and then didnt have to feel this way!! I am sorry that you have to listen to cocky 'pregnancy' conversations. I havr been there and it just aint nice. Not that I begrudge pregnancy.. well not  all the time!! Buy thanks for your words..they help!!
And Gywneth27 thanks also..it is nice to be in a 'boat' rather than out of it..if you get my drift! Definately got to keep busy and at sametime not put life on hold!!! My friends dont really understand either so it is good to have family around!! 
Love to you. I have found solace in unity! xx


----------



## skyblu

FLASH, I knew you would be o.k 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

We're always here for the difficult days so don't keep tough days to yourself we've all done that for too long before reaching this point. 

Flash hope your celebrations were really fantastic x x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Lovely news Flash!!!!


----------



## Guest

Congratulations Flash - you must be over the moon  xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Flash that's excellent news! X


----------



## Dreams do come true

Congratulations Flash!!!!!! X x x x


----------



## Flash123

Thank you all so, so much. You are all fab.
I am so sorry for another 'me' post but I have to share this with you. I am whispering this because I cannot believe I am typing it but we had a phone call today and we have a possible link wirh a 5 month old dream come true. I just cant believe it, i really cant. I am numb to my core. I know it rediculously early yet and loads can go wrong but I can't stop crying, my stomach is flipping, I have had an upset stomach all day. Lo sw wants to see us next wk and it isn't a competitive match. 

Dh and I have both lost the ability to speak coherently tonight - we just keep grinning at each other like we have escaped from secure accommodation lol xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

wowowowowowowowowowosowoosowosowowosoosososoos!!! omg that is increadible!!!! my heart is pounding having read that!!!!!! xxx


----------



## Arrows

Wow!!! Fantastic news! I bet you can't stop crying with joy and disbelief!


----------



## Flash123

Arrows and fran  we can't believe it. I feel like I'm having a heart attack lol


----------



## Frangipanii

so happy for you Flash...this is your time and you deserve it, biggest love going to u x x x x


----------



## VEC

Wow!


----------



## beachgirl

wow Flash, that's amazing, roll on next week x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Wow Flash that is amazing. I bet next week can't come quick enough. First time you'll ever wish  the weekend away x x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Fabulous news!!!  OMG, how fantastic.


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Flash.  Hope the whisper can soon turn into a SHOUT!  Lots of love xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Wow flash great news and fingers crossed x


----------



## custard

Hey Flash! That's BRILLIANT!!! And I think I know a bit of how you're feeling.  Take time to look after yourself - it's the most incredible feeling and can take a while to process and deal with all the emotions.
Big hugs,
J x


----------



## custard

And just for the update...
We've got the thumbs up from the children's SW to proceed to matching panel at the end of March. I can't say much about the match, but that they are perfect!  And we've been a bundle of excitement/nerves/joy and everything all mixed together since we heard. 
J xx


----------



## peacelily

Yay Custard, I just PM'd you to see how it was going!!


And congratulations Flash


----------



## Dreams do come true

flash.......amazing!!!!! I have EVERYTHING crossed for you x x x 

Custard....  eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!

Afu, we had life appreciation day yesterday for our perfect little ones...the foster carer is incredible, she said she was so happy for us, gave us a massive hu, a gorgeous photo and a 30 minute dvd of the children which she did at the weekend   annnnnd her phone number in case we have any questions!!!! Everyone said how happy theyvwere for us and said that we are perfect for the children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Roll on matching panel and intros x x x


----------



## newmum

How amazing Flash that's brilliant x


----------



## bluedreams

Wowee!! that's was super quick!!! I'm so chuffed for you flash (I've been secretly following this board for weeks!).  Just told my hubby too and he's well chuffed also.  Best of luck and keep us all informed. xxx

and yay custard! I love hearing about all your fantastic news xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh my gosh what a hive of good news just before the weekend sending all my love and   to the ladies who have their matches going. 

Also all my   for those ladies that are finding the waiting game really hard. Emma really thinking of you x x


----------



## daisy0609

I love coming on here and reading good news!!congrats flash amazing news!
Xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

WoW WoW and WoW - Great news all round 

Congratualtions Flash, you must be so over whelmed and over joyed, what an amazing week and superb valentines present  

Great News Custard - not long till panel, the weeks will fly over. It's amazing to have the right match isn't it, surreal but totally amazing  

CWTBM - where you been, you keeping quiet just like me recently. We've got lots to sort out and keep us busy at the min don't we   So so pleased everything is working out with your LO's, I remember you talking about them when we first saw their profile when I was on holiday and how excited you were about them. You've had a similar matching experience to us, it's so stressful waiting to find if your the chosen couple isn't it. But it's worked out positively for both of us. Your Foster Carer sounds great, how lucky are you. We didn't really gel with ours when we met her - can't really put my finger on why - but at least I just have to be polite and friendly for a week of introductions for the bairns sake, that's if we don't get on, she might be lovely and just doesn't give a good 1st impression  

Hello everyone else, hope your all well and progressing through the process smoothly. Seen a few of the "new comers" seem to have panel dates very soon after Prep/HS starting which is excellent to see. Lets hope things really are speeding up. 

This time last year DH and I were buzzing about starting prep group. A year later we are on cloud 9 waiting to meet our daughter on the very same week!! What a difference a year can make. Keep going, it's a fab journey and you'll soon see your pot of gold at the end of it, then all we've been through and experienced suddenly makes sense and just falls into place   Stay strong and when you can't stay strong there's plenty of ppl on here who will lend a sympathetic ear and useful advise, as we've all been there. Sometimes a good old winge is just what's needed. Fate will come good in the end  

XxX


----------



## Dreams do come true

I have been really busy at work, early starts, late finish in prep for adoption leave   Have been lurking, but not posting sorry 

Such fantabuously exciting news on here recently, to everyone either just starting out or going through hs...you will be where a few of us are in no time!!!  

To those still waiting for a match....I have so much crossed for you all x 2013 WILL be your year x

To the lurkers...join us, if you are considering adoption then I hope this board demonstrates what a great experience/journey it can be, I wish I'd have done this years ago....but then I wouldn't have my little scrummy tummies 

Can't wait - we are journey buddies  When r u at MP? How old is your LO?  X x x x x X


----------



## Unconditional-love

Wow so much to read back on as i haven't read for a while, and such fantastic news.

flash, custard and cwtbam...wonderfull news i am soooo happy for you.

flash, how truly amazing to have a link so soon you must be overwhelmed by this sudden development..

AFU, well lots to tell, i have had no choice but to leave my job due to bullying and disrimination. I am filing a grievance towards the company.  However i have moved on to something much better, i have been offered a part time vacancy in a nursery which is great as my qualification is included and also first aid for children. I am very happy about this change. but the downsides are, i will loose money and i may not get any adoption leave pay as employment has to be continuous for 26 weeks before matching. Our sw thinks we may get a match before this time comes. Does any one know anything about tax credits and what is the household income limit before you cant claim anything. I am aware of child benefit but not tax credits. ??

xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - MP in 1 and a half weeks, Intro's 2 and a half weeks, Eeeeek so excited. Our LO is 2 yr old.

Unconditional - sorry to hear about your experience at work, that's awful   we got info about adoption leave/pay and be benefits off government websites and I think it's called 'money advise website' or something like that, go the the 'having a baby' section, it covers adoption as well and benefits etc.

Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

If you Google it there is a government web page where you can calculate what you'd be entitled  to by putting in pay number of kids etc. We've looked at it before can't remember exactly what googled. Something like I am entitled to tax credits if I had to guess x x


----------



## VEC

Gwynedd/unconditional love - do you mean this? http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/payments-entitlement/entitlement/question-how-much.htm 

Cwtbam and Custard, hurrah hurrah hurrah!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can't Wait said:


> CWTBM - MP in 1 and a half weeks, Intro's 2 and a half weeks, Eeeeek so excited. Our LO is 2 yr old.
> 
> Unconditional - sorry to hear about your experience at work, that's awful  we got info about adoption leave/pay and be benefits off government websites and I think it's called 'money advise website' or something like that, go the the 'having a baby' section, it covers adoption as well and benefits etc.
> 
> Xx


Oh my word....you must be beyond excited!!!!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

UL - so sorry that you had a tough time in your old job  but congratulations on your new job x x x If you were treated badly at your old place you should seek legal advice?!

Have a wonderful weekend everyone x


----------



## someday

We have a match!! SW was here on Thursday evening and told us about a 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy! Early days but we are very very excited!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wohooooo Someday, amazing news   So pleased for you. This forum is really rocketing at the min, so much good news!! Xx


----------



## HRM

I literally cannot keep up with all the fantastic news on this thread!! Everything is moving so fast for everyone!!! Can't remember all the names I've read this week but to those who have been possibly matched this week - CONGRATULATIONS!!! I can't wait to hear more. Love love loving this thread and all the positivity  

H xxx


----------



## newmum

That's great news someday 

There is so much positive stories at the moment on hear its great

I think our Home visits are going ok? SW had visited SS and DH ex and children and that went ok as nerve racking as it was! Think she's visiting our references next and we still have sessions left. Seems to be taking ages and roll on panel day, which we are hoping is March/April 

We are very lucky as we have the support from family friends and work which is great. Not sure what we will do for introductions though because DH works nights? I am thinking of starting my adoption leave? Amy ideas anyone? I know I am getting carried away but can't help myself I'm such a planner lol


SW has given us some reading to do can anyone recommend any? 

Have a great weekend everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Newmum2b - your DH will have 2 weeks paternity to take for introductions and ideally if he can take a few weeks annual leave as well at that time. Don't start your adoption leave yet, you've got to get thru approval panel yet (which I'm sure you will) but you don't even have a date yet. Then you've got to be matched which doesn't always happen straight away and even if it does the actual matching process can take time. For example we will of been matched with our LO for 4 months by time we meet her and get her home. It's a slow process, sorry to sound negative I'm not meaning to be, just don't get carried away. Plus you want to utilise what precious adoption leave you have to spend with your new LO/LO's when you get them. Don't waste it before then. 
Hope that doesn't sound like a criticism, just some useful advise, I know it's easy to get ahead of yourself when there's so much positivity on this forum encouraging you to. Good luck and enjoy your time with DH while you can  
Xx


----------



## GERTIE179

UL - sorry to hear about your job and hope your new one is a good one for you.
Someday - excellent news on a match
X


----------



## newmum

Thanks for the advice can't wait. The problem is DH doesn't get annual leave he works 33 shifts in 7 weeks then has 1 week off, he will have to talk to his manager I think.

I thought you had introductions then your LO comes home, so does that mean we can be matched (I expect a wait until match and introductions) then introductions then another wait till LO comes home?  

I didn't mean I want to take adoption leave now! I meant when introductions start? 

Your right I will want to take adoption leave when LO comes home, your not being negative at all, I need all the advice I can get. I understand we've got to get through panel yet (fingers crossed) 

Nm2b x


----------



## Dreams do come true

someday said:


> We have a match!! SW was here on Thursday evening and told us about a 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy! Early days but we are very very excited!


Someday - yay  so excited for you x x x


----------



## Arrows

newmum2b, if you look at my signature you'll get an idea of rough timeline and ours was fairly quick. We reading LO's profile mid June, shortlisted end of July, linked officially end of August, Matching panel was 8th Oct  then you have to wait up to 10 days for paperwork and the matching cert to start introductions. You have to give the matching certificate to start your leave but you can't give a date for adoption leave till Matching panel is certain. I literally started mine the day introductions start though I really wished I had taken off the time between panel and intros as was really having 'nesting' instincts and drove me nuts to go to work!


----------



## newmum

Thanks Arrows that helps, yeah think I will start day of introductions or maybe take holidays in between matching panel and certificate before intros.

I really hope we get approved its so hard not knowing and all the waiting, I just wand LO home

Thanks for all the advice

Nm2b x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Newmum2b - Sorry, misunderstood your post, it seemed like you were thinking of starting your leave now, not just thinking ahead about when to take it, if you know what I mean. 
Surely DH's work will have some policy in place for paternity leave, hopefully they'll sort something out coz he'd be exhausted trying to work during intro's. 
Intro's are an intense period of approx 1-2 weeks (depending on LO's age) where you 1st meet them and get to know them everyday until they move in. Just like Arrows says they don't start till after matching panel, so you can know all about your LO/LO's for quite sometime but they don't know about you until after MP. Intro's normally start 7-10 days after MP. Our MP is a Wed, so I'm gonna work the Thurs & Fri, then I'm taking 2 weeks annual leave from the following Monday then my adoption leave after that. We don't start Intro's until the Wed (7days after MP) so ill be off work the Mon & Tue leading up to it, however DH is gonna start his paternity from the Wed we meet poppet as he only gets 2 weeks so wants to use it all with her. 
Hope having an insight into how Arrows and I have planned ours helps to pre plan yours.
I'm sure you'll get thru panel just fine, hope they give you a date to work towards soon - ask your SW for one the next time they visit, they might give you a provisional date to aim for. Good luck


----------



## Frangipanii

Morning All. Congratulations to those with amazing news....its wonderful!!! I look at all the threads generally and it is lovely that this is mainly good news...i know we have our down days and our hurdles but it is different from other results. As many have said I am grateful to be takng this journey and acknowledge the difficulties that will come my way but I think its the right way for me. More hs next week and really looking forward to it!!! Sw siad if he thought that there were any issues he would tell us straight away...so so far so good!! We got the green light over one issue so hope nothing else gets in our way. Destiny?!?! Who know. 
Again so pleased about all the wonderful news!!! xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

​Amazing news someday congratulations x x


----------



## newmum

That's ok can't wait. Yeah I'm just thinking ahead so my mead knows what I'm doing lol

I will proberly take similar time off like yourself depending on what day MP is and DH will take his paternity for intros and then see what he can do about his shifts.

I know we have a long time left I am just thinking things through. We've got to be approved first! 

It's a lovely sunny morning here have a nice day everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,

Just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who gave me advice on benefits, i will speak to the tax credits office tomorrow for more information.
I have also sought legal advice regarding my job and i am filing a grievance this coming week, the reason i have decided this is because my ex boss is still continueing to slander my name even though i am no longer there. As if bullying and been pushed out wasn't enough. I just hope by doing the grievance he will learn not to treat others the same.

We are almost at the end of home study now which is good news for us, i've just been going through the f1 form to do a check list, does anyone know what a home local authority check is? never noticed this before..

Sorry about the me post i am all over the place at the moment, good job i have ff in my life to make me    xxx


----------



## custard

Congratulations Someday!  Great news.
J x


----------



## beachgirl

I think the Home Local Authority check is what they do with your local council to ensure no knowledge of child abuse/neglect etc...we went to a neighbouring authority and they had to write to ours to ensure we weren't known to them on their register..


----------



## skyblu

Congrats on the match someday. 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello everyone, just thought I would pop on and say hi and have a catch up! So much great news on here and lots of new faces so hello and welcome and massive congratulations to those who have been approved, matched or just starting out on this journey. All very exciting. 

Our LO has been home for 4 months now. It has been such an amazing journey and we feel so blessed to have our gorgeous little boy who has become part of the family, embraced by all that meet him and everyone adores him. Being a mum is hard work but it's the best thing in the world and I just love it! He was 15 months when he came home to us and watching him blossom and grow and change so much is just lovely and we are very proud of him. He is in a very happy space at the moment and I think he is just amazing especially when I think about what he has been through at such a young age. 

Right that's me done, LO will soon be waking up. Love reading all your updates, I can't wait for number 2!!!!!


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone.
Sorry i havent been around much but we have had probs with 'tinternet' and things have been soooo busy. Thank you all so much for your kind wishes, thought and congrtaulations. We still haven' come down yet! We had another meeting with our sw on Friday where we recieved more info AND we have a picture!!! He is just so beautiful and perfect, I cant stop looking at it. Sad i know but i have taken it to bed with me lol!!!! 

I am trying not to get too carried away as i know there are still tumps of things that can go wrong but if it does go wrong it's not going to hurt less because i was cautious now. And if it doesn't go wrong i will regret missing out on this wonderful time of excitement - so hey ho!!! Meeting with his sw at end of week - eeek!

Custard - i am so chuffed to hear your fab news. Roll on MP - march will be here before you no.
CWTBAM - Your appreciation day sounded wonderful. It must make such a difference when you have Fc's as lovely as yours.
Can'twait - Not many more sleeps. I bet you are counting down the days till you meet your liitle treasure
Uncondition - pooo about your job and maternity pay.  Some people are just complete and utter t***s . Chin chin to your new start.
Someday - my linking buddy    WOOOHOOOOO fabarooni news a 2 and 4 year...just magical. 
Watakerfuffle - It is so lovely hearing updates like that. I reminds me of what it is all about and what magical times lay ahead. I know what you mean about # 2 - we haven't even got 1 yet and im planning and working on DH lol. 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all doing well and keeping warm.
Take care xx


----------



## bluebabe

Flash when we first got pics of our boys I used to sleep with them next to me as well xx


----------



## Arrows

Flash, when we got our first picture I took a photo of it on my phone so I had it everywhere I went.


----------



## Flash123

Arrows...snap!!!! That's exactly what I have done lol..I can zoom in lovely. xx
Blue it's so comforting to now I'm not the only mad 1  xx


----------



## someday

Flash123 said:


> Hi everyone.
> Sorry i havent been around much but we have had probs with 'tinternet' and things have been soooo busy. Thank you all so much for your kind wishes, thought and congrtaulations. We still haven' come down yet! We had another meeting with our sw on Friday where we recieved more info AND we have a picture!!! He is just so beautiful and perfect, I cant stop looking at it. Sad i know but i have taken it to bed with me lol!!!!
> 
> I am trying not to get too carried away as i know there are still tumps of things that can go wrong but if it does go wrong it's not going to hurt less because i was cautious now. And if it doesn't go wrong i will regret missing out on this wonderful time of excitement - so hey ho!!! Meeting with his sw at end of week - eeek!
> 
> Custard - i am so chuffed to hear your fab news. Roll on MP - march will be here before you no.
> CWTBAM - Your appreciation day sounded wonderful. It must make such a difference when you have Fc's as lovely as yours.
> Can'twait - Not many more sleeps. I bet you are counting down the days till you meet your liitle treasure
> Uncondition - pooo about your job and maternity pay. Some people are just complete and utter t***s . Chin chin to your new start.
> Someday - my linking buddy  WOOOHOOOOO fabarooni news a 2 and 4 year...just magical.
> Watakerfuffle - It is so lovely hearing updates like that. I reminds me of what it is all about and what magical times lay ahead. I know what you mean about # 2 - we haven't even got 1 yet and im planning and working on DH lol.
> 
> Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all doing well and keeping warm.
> Take care xx


Flash this will be me tonight!!


----------



## custard

This bit of your post sums up exactly how I'm feeling right now as well Flash! Thanks for expressing it better than I'm managing to!!



> I am trying not to get too carried away as i know there are still tumps of things that can go wrong but if it does go wrong it's not going to hurt less because i was cautious now. And if it doesn't go wrong i will regret missing out on this wonderful time of excitement - so hey ho!!!




And I'm totally going to steal the phone photo idea... ​Take care all!​J xx​


----------



## Poppets Mammy

I've took photos on my phone as well, then kept the originals on the fridge for ages. They are now in a multi photo frame thingy (if you know what I mean) on the wall in the sitting room after it was suggested by our SW as an idea to help her settle in so she feels at home. She's in there with the dogs and a few nice ones of us, it's really a family collage  xx


----------



## Flash123

Someday - hope everything goes well tonight.
Custard - it so tough though....fingers crossed for the 2 of us
Can't wait - family collage - ours would be the same family, friends, dog, cats lol but now you have a wonderful addition. This is what we've been dreaming about isn't. Finally being a family. Enjoy


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations Flash and Skyblu xx

Sorry I've been awol, we've not been getting much sleep so haven't felt like getting online in the evenings. DD2 has been home for 6 weeks and as far as DD1 is concerned it's like she's always been here and I think she's just about forgotten we adopted her lol!!  She's just so proud to be a big sister. Everything is settling down beautifully now and I love being a mummy to 2 gorgeous girlies, I feel so proud.


----------



## gettina

Thrilled to read your update nutmeg. Thanks for checking in. So pleased all sounds like it's going well - espially, perhaps, with the relationship between your daughters. 

Am reading all your news with interest everyone. Quite a flurry of approvals and matches - each one is so special and uplifting. Well done everyone. I want a photo to sleep with! Ah well, will make do with my cats (dh away or he might have got a mention).

Afu - first hs on thurs! Fiiiiinaly, a year and a half after making the decision to pursue adoption, we are about to be off the blocks. I might be a bit nervous come Thursday but for now I'm just desperate to get started! Booked in for march prep course but chuffed we are starting sooner. 

Night all, 
Gettina


----------



## Macgyver

Hello everyone, I haven't been on in a few years as needed to get my head straight after having the last m/c. But thought the time was right to come back and say hi. And tell you our exciting news. The other half and I am going to adopt if all goes well   .  We go to panel on the 25/3 so only 5 weeks to go. Cant wait to chat to you all. luv Mac x


----------



## Frangipanii

Evening. 
Gettina....hope hs goes great on Thursday...i know it will.
Nutmeg...oh wow how lovely. What a happy family!! 
Waterkurfuffle....again wow....its what dreams are made of. Happy for you.
Someday...many congratulations on a match!! that is fantastic. x 
And to all the others with great news....its lovely keeps me going!!!

afu...hs tomorrow number 3/4 not really sure if the paperwork/admin one at the start counts!! Not really prepared for tomorrow but hope thats ok. Quite busy at moment.  I am hoping that we get to May panel but not sure. Anyway best get some more sleep!! Hs is early and then got to go to manchester for a shop after thst. Night all x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Wow that is so exciting!!! Congrats at nearly being at panel time!! How many los and what ages would you like to adopt!!! And how many hs's have you had. Sorry to hear about your mcs. Awful. Very nice to e.meet you and Hope u get all your dreams.x x x x


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations on nearly completing your journey,   best of luck for panel


----------



## baby0684

Hope March wil be a good month.
Im at Panel on 19 March.

How have you found the HS? Are you will LA/VA?


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

haven't been on for a little bit and we are up to page 82 already!!! Huge congratulations to recent approvals, links and matches. Good luck and all the best to those of you starting Prep courses and HS. I think I need to give myself a good hour or so to read back through all the news and catch up properly.
No change with us......still waiting It will be 4 months next week since approval. We are really struggling at the moment. SW will only get in touch when there is something to tell us A LO SW has had our PAR for a couple of weeks now but this is for a LO out of county and reading between the lines I think there have been lots of issues and we may not be the right 'fit' after all. Our SW did tell us that along with others we are being considered for LO's but our LA don't do competitive matching and she only told me that info as I pretty much backed her into a corner (via email..I'm not violent I promise). Our LA have apparently been told that they need to start matching LOs quickly as there are lots of them and lots of approved adopters.....I just wish we got that magic call/email. How are the rest of you waiting holding up? I know that in the grand scheme of things, this wait will seem like nothing but at the moment it feels like an eternity.....sending lots of vibes my SW's way

Take care all x


----------



## bluedreams

Hi Greeniebop, really sorry you're struggling with the 'time'.  I was just wondering, what exactly is competitive matching?  I'm only at the beginning of the process so havent come across this yet?

Thanks blue dreams..x


----------



## bluedreams

Best of luck ladies!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

From what I understand its where multiple adopters receive profile of LO and then SW of LO short lists and meets potential adopters and then makes a decision on who to proceed with.  Our LA don't do this. Short listing etc all done confidentially and then profile shown to one potential adopter. I think that's basically it x


----------



## peacelily

That's it, Greeniebop and Bluedreams. Ours do it   


Greenie - we are in the same position as you, 4 months in. I thought it would be easier this time because we'd have DS to focus on, but in some ways I'm finding it harder. An over-worked, inefficient SW isn't helping.


Peacelily xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone 

Congratulations to all new links, matches approvals. Big hugs xxxxx

Greenie and peacelilly I know exactly how you feel we're in the same position the waiting is torture. We've been told today we've been taken off hold by our la and put onto adoption 22 so fingers crossed something might happen now. Big hugs to you both xxxxxx

Hope everyone is ok xxxxx


----------



## Doubleprincesstrouble

Good Luck with Panel & the rest of your adoption journey!


----------



## Flash123

Just a quickie... Lo's sw is visiting tomorrow night so I am frantically cleaning at the mo.

I was wondering if you get to keep a copy of your lo's cara. We do have a copy , although we aren't suppose to   it says such lovely things in it about lo's personality and development that I was wondering if I need to do something not entirely legal to it before I return it


----------



## peacelily

Flash - do you mean CPR? If so, I kept DS' and in fact read it through the other day, 4 years on! As far as I am aware you must return those for children you are not matched with. Good luck!


----------



## snapdragon

Quick update. Lo has been home 6 weeks now and he is the most wonderful, funny loving little boy, though I might be a bit biased. He is becoming more settled all the time and seems really happy. It was his 2nd birthday on Monday and he met my parents for the first time who also thought he was lovely. Just found out our friend who has been waiting a while for a match, as she wanted a girl and as young as possible, has been matched with a 6 month old. I'm so happy for her.


----------



## skyblu

Snapdragon, so happy your little man has settled. How long did your introductions last, we had a detailed diary tonight and it is nearly 10 - 12 days long, is this normal?

Our SW phoned today and had been to see fc and lo, she ran up to her with our photo book and said look I have a new mummy and daddy  She also carries the teddy we gave her every where and smells it ( i slept with it and sprayed it lightly with my perfume) , so it is a good idea to sleep with a soft toy as she always says mummy when sniffing it!!!!!!!!!!!!
So excited to see her tomorrow, I only hope she recognise us or maybe recognises my smell (I will be spaying loads of perfume on tomorrow ) Has anyone else had a sighting meeting? It is going to be so hard if she doesn't recognise us, but watching her play will be great, it will be a bonus if she comes up to us shouting mummy and daddy. here's hoping.

Nite nite 
A very excited Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## VEC

Skyblu have a lovely day tomorrow, look forward to hearing about it.  Yay, finally you get to meet your daughter


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Have an amazing day skyblu. Bet she will recognise you. She sounds adorable x x


----------



## Flash123

Snapdragon , lovely news that your lo has settled so well. Looking Forward to lots more updates.
Skyblu I hope that today is all you've been dreaming it will be. The day you meet your princess - wow. Have a wonderful day.


----------



## GERTIE179

Sky blu - that's so exciting and sounds like everything is on plan. We had a 13 day intro period scheduled and LO is a few months behind yours so in some cases this is reasonable. Ours flew in but were exhausting as we had a lot of travel too (about 120 miles per day and sometimes twice this!)
Gx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations on getting this far panel soon very exciting . Nice to meet you hope Monday the next few weeks fly and matching is quick


----------



## snapdragon

skyblu: our intros were very short, met lo on Wed and took him home the following Monday. All la's do things differently, one I know has a minimum of 14 days for all children. I do think 12 days would be a bit long but if things go well it's unlikely to be more than 10. Hope things go well.


----------



## liveinhope

Our intros were 12 days because the foster carer felt our boy wouldnt manage; in fact she wanted longer but the SWs disagreed.  I think that we could've done them in 10 days but I suppose it was better to be cautious.  I think the extra days were more about her worries rather than the child's.

Hope it went well Skyblu


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wow, lots of fabulous news on here today. So excited for those of you meeting Los.

Can anyone help? I need to compose an email to SW to ask a few questions and my lovely impatient DH wants me to find out if the is any news? It's better I do it as he'll just be blunt I'm so pants as these things and we don't want to get her back up....it feels like we are always asking her if there is any news....poor DH is really not coping well with the waiting, I'm not enjoying it but know that it's how it has to be until our LO is found. Argh help!!  x


----------



## peacelily

Better not ask me as I've thoroughly put our SWs' back up by complaining and bugging her


----------



## liveinhope

Not sure I'm too popular with LO's social worker either!  Will be seeing her for the final time tomorrow as its our celebration hearing


----------



## crazyspaniel

We've annoyed our sw too by complaining about lack of communication/progress! Being patient hasn't got us anywhere so far so maybe being annoying will get more attention...!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks everyone. It's so hard knowing how to play it. I'm not great at being patient with things like this think I'll pluck up courage to email tomorrow  take care x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Snapdragon - Great to hear such a positive update  

Skyblu - Our LO is 6months older than yours and our Introductions are planned for 7days with flexibility of a few days extra if need be. We have an Introduction review on day 6 to see if everyone agrees LO can come home on day 7. Just suppose it depends on the LA and the LO's needs, perhaps they'll shorten it if he bonds quickly with you. 
Is it your 1st day of introductions today or is it a sighting meeting? Our LA doesn't do them so don't know how they work. Sounds like LO has really taken to your photo book and teddy, can't wait to hand ours over next week. Hope our LO enjoys looking at the photos and cuddling the bear  

To those of you struggling with the wait    Can't imagine how it feels, hope you all get some news soon xx


----------



## nutmeg

Hope today went well Skyblu   

My baby said her first word today- mama


----------



## gettina

So skyblu? So hope today was lovely.  great to hear how well the teddy went down.
Thanks for the update snapdragon - life sounds good!
Exciting times can't wait!
Fab nutmeg 
Good luck greenie- hate feeling that need to put yourself on their radar, but nicely. An email isn't too intrusive so seems a good way of nudging nicely. And for that matter, hugs to everyone waiting waiting waiting.

First hs was fine at this end. And we are pleasantly surprised that the sw has diarised two more sessions and seems quite organised. Touching wood now!

Gettina


----------



## skyblu

Hi All, Today didn't start too well, myself,dh,fc, turned up for the meeting at the same time and there was no one in reception to meet and introduce us. Of course they recognised us, we had an incling who they were, so dh said are you ****** and *****, Hi I'm ***** and this is my wife, fm then turned her back at us and said I'm sorry I can talk about it and got all emotional!!!!!!!!!!Awkward. I then tried and give her a pep talk and sympathise with her, which then her SW walked in and said are you all here and ready and frog marched to the interview room.  
At the meeting they were very good and give us all the information we needed and talked very loving of her, they a very very attached to her (they have had her since she was 4 months and she is their first placement) we totally understand but at the same time they chose to foster and not adopt. She sounds ardorable, but very mischievous.

In the afternoon we then had a sighting meeting in a soft play centre. She kept looking at us and you could see that she was thinking, I know you from somewhere.
Dh got up to go to the toilet and you could see her looking at him and her eyes following him, as he went through the door she shouted daddy, then pointed at where he went and shouted daddy again  She then shrugged her shoulders and went back to play. ( dh didn't see this but heared Daddy daddy and thought it was her)
Just before we left she came down the slide and there is a perspex wall and she was looking at us and then shouted there's my mummy to her fc and then shouted mummy again and went back to play. As she didn't come up to us and acknowledge us we couldn't say anything or even wave at her. It was lovely to see her though and see how different she is from a picture, and what a lovely birthday present.

Intros start officially on Tuesday and then it is going to be manic. SW also said if they can see she is forming a good attachment then she could be home sooner, so here's hoping.

To you all who are on the waiting game, if your SW is not in contact at least once a month then harass them.
Ours was good at keeping in contact but at the same time she found it hard as she allready knew she had a match for us since July but had to wait for her to go to court for adoption, so there is things going on in the background that you don't know about.

Will keep you posted
Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## gettina

Ooh yes - happy birthday skyblu 
I think the sighting thing sounds a bit weird but nontheless how heart lifting that she reached out to both of you - clever littly! Hope you feel excited about all that's to come. Oh yes and bad start indeed! Yikes to weeping fcs. 
X


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, sounds amazing but hard at same time.  So pleased your birthday went reasonably well. 
Our FC was very experienced and reasonably helpful but at the same time we also had a few issues, particularly after he came home and we found out more about him and his personality, likes and dislike, development etc. Always hard when you would do things differently.
However, it helps us to know what and how we would like to do things the next time around.
Life is plodding on for us, LO is learning new things every day which is amazing to see.


----------



## watakerfuffle

We had a 2 week Introduction plan with our lo who was 15 months at the time. At the time I thought 2 weeks was really long but looking back I realise it was the best thing for lo and it was planned really well so that gradually we took over full care and the final days were spent at our house. LO's fc didn't cope very well with the length of it though, she was very attached and reality hit that he was leaving mid intros and it all became very awkward!! We were desperate to have lo home like we all are but I know that 2 weeks was just right for him


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulations on seeing littlie Skyblu, and when she called out to Daddy and told FC she could see mummy    Heartmelter!!!  A very happy Birthday, although I do hope things settle a bit with FCs.  Roll on next week!!  

Happy Friday all


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fab news all round. 

Nutmeg amazing news a first word and it's Mama ah. 

Sky blu that's great I hope that everything settles with FM. I can understand how she must feel but this is exactly why me and DH want to adopt not foster. I don't really have sympathy for how she is putting her feelings on to you though. She has signed up for this and knew this day would come although upsetting she needs to realise that she has to remain professional (if that's the word) when doing intro's etc and do her tears etc at home in private. 

What a lovely (but weird) first meeting. Is that normal? I think I'd prefer something more formal. x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

Nutmeg- oh my gosh that is the cutest thing ever and I bet your heart just melted in that moment x
Skyblu - Good luck for Tuesday, the time will fly by and LO will be home with you before you know it.

Hi to everyone else and thank you for the advise. I emailed SW this morning saying that we will be going to exchange day etc and just ended it with 'I'm guessing there is no news?'. She replied straightaway and said that we are being considered for several LO (yey!) but that the system does seem to be very slow at the moment and she won't tell us anything about LO until a LO SW decides that they want to visit. No further forward as such but as you all said (such wise ones) things are obviously going on in the background. At least when we do finally get contact regarding a LO we will know that we have been chosen and then its down to meeting SW etc and ensuring everyone wants to proceed. Anyway, its the last day of half term so I am being a domestic goddess today and getting everything done so DH is dazzled when he gets home from work. I'm also meeting a friend's newborn for cuddles Have a fab weekend everyone and keep smiling x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi ladies!

Greeniebop - Sorry that you're still waiting, but from your latest post it sounds like lots of stuff is happening in the background. The waiting and the not knowing is so hard though  I was at my lowest when we went on the exchange day (so the exchange day timing was perfect!), as I really thought the other couple had been chosen for our LOs but my DH and I walked away from that day feeling so positive, our social worker told us the other day that she had a lot of interest about us from it for children...take plenty of copies of your profile and talk to each agency about what you and your DH are looking for and what you can offer, it's a fantastic networking opportunity. Remember, you are definitely going to be a mummy...and I am sure it will be very soon xxx  

Arrows - Sounds like you're enjoying being a mommy  Hope you're LO is doing well x

Skyblu -   That must have made your heart melt!!! OMG. Not long until you meet your LO for real, and give her a great big cuddle, you must be so excited. I hope your foster carer manages to keep her emotions under control, because this is about you, your DH and your LO...and you're right she chose to foster, not adopt (sounds heartless, I know...sorry). Good luck with intros, I hope they are everything you want them to be x x x

Gettina - Glad your first HS went well, it feels great having the next visits diarised doesn't it?!  You'll be at panel before you know it xx

Nutmeg -   You lucky lucky lady, and what a clever little girl x Enjoy your family, family life sounds amazing x x x 

Flash - How did the SW visit go?    

AFU - frantically getting the house ready for our children! Todays new item is a sofa...needed a smaller one for the children to have plenty of room to play! Had a call from our SW today who gave us our dates and confirmed our accomodation was booked for intros  Panel 16/4, planning meeting 25/4 am, day one of intros 25/4 pm, planning review 30/4, FC and children coming to stay near us 1/5, placement day 3/5...just doesn't seem real. I am so blinkin happy, currently floating on  . We can't wait to meet them, we have watched the DVD over and over and over again...just wish I could lean in to the screen and cuddle them. I keep crying with happiness, I can't believe this is happening to me...ME?!!!! I am so very nearly a mummy after almost 8 years


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

CWTBAM thank you and wishing you all the best. It's so lovely to hear the happy stories. The time will fly by and your bambino's will be home where they belong x


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi everyone

I have just been reading some of your posts, sounds like there is some amazing support on this thread! Please can I join?  

We have just made initial enquiries about adoption and today have spoken to the lady organising the next information evening for our LA. They have run some initial background checks on us already and we have completed the initial questionnaire for SS. We were given the option of doing it after the event but as we are heart set on pursuing this journey we decided to do this before to help the process along.

Congrats to you all for whatever stage of the journey you have completed and look forward to chatting with you.

Brum xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Brummi,

My husband and I have been accepted for our prep training in June so hopefully we should be doing things fairly in tandum. We're just counting down the weeks now. Can't wait. Good luck hope all goes really smooth for you x


----------



## thespouses

I hardly ever come on here but we're now talking about what and when we might do when going for no 2! Exciting times!

We only had our equivalent to the adoption order 6 months ago, so we're talking about contacting people in the summer i.e. a year after that came through.

We are definitely thinking we might go for concurrent adoption this time if we're accepted. I'm wondering actually where the fostering chat thread went as I wanted to ask a couple of fostering type questions...


----------



## Arrows

Great news on your adoption order Thespouses! Glad to hear of you going for a concurrent though very difficult decision to make -are you thinking of concurrency from birth or older?


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks for welcoming me Gwyneth27. Look forward to chatting and going through the process in tandem!  x


----------



## thespouses

Arrows said:


> Great news on your adoption order Thespouses! Glad to hear of you going for a concurrent though very difficult decision to make -are you thinking of concurrency from birth or older?


I'm not sure they do concurrency apart from with babies - we'd obviously need to be looking at a baby younger than little boy, but he's quite young anyway.


----------



## Arrows

Thespouses, yes they do do concurrency with older children but it's very rare as they have to be fairly certain that adoption will be the most likely outcome for the child and there's more risk. 
We're hoping to get a direct placement too with a 2nd child but as far as I know the LA we used last time don't do them so need to explore further.  We'll be applying to start the approval process again around Sept/ October. First we have to get the court order for no1.


----------



## liveinhope

We have been told that we cant apply for No2 until DS has been home 2 years (April 14) unless it was a sibling of course.  However our SW told us to ring after Christmas this year to get ourselves on the waiting list.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi thespouses,

Just a quick one with regards to concurrency adoption, I know both the LA we're with and our previous LA have the same opinion on this as it was mentioned to us at the beginning of our second assessment. Due to the risky nature of concurrency they don't like to place a child under these conditions where there is an existing adopted child already in case the child does end up going back to bf as this would obviously shake the security and wellbeing of the first child. 
I can only offer an opinion based on the 2 LA's we have dealt with, I know they all work very differently so yours may not see it this way.
When asked how we felt about this we said that our end it would depend on the circumstances and we would only consider it if there was a very very small risk, but again with all the recent changes and the push for more concurrency placements to get children into their adoptive families earlier I think even our LA would consider it for existing adopters if the risk was very low in order to match a child with their adoptive family quicker.      
As Arrows mentioned yes they do use concurrency with older children, especially now with the intention to try to minimise the amount of times a child is moved ie, from bf to fc to adoptive family. We have been advised it is a lot more common now though as mentioned above, so it is possible even with an LA such as ours (who don't like to do it in cases with existing adopted children placed) that we may be approached about it when approved.

Lots of luck with your plans for littlie no.2   

Anj x


----------



## Arrows

Liveinhope, ours said an age gap of 2yrs and we'll be waiting 1yrr after placement to start process so it'll be 1.5-2yrs by the time we get a no2 we reckon. Like I said though we'll need to ask around as we'd rather do concurrency if possible - Ang we'll have to find out if they are similar minded


----------



## peacelily

They're all so different, aren't they? Ours told us DS had to be at school before we could apply for number two...we told them not to be so stupid


----------



## Suzie

I am going to start a concurrency thread as there are more areas doing this now

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=302396.new#new


----------



## Anjelissa

Lol PL.....I can just imagine you saying it exactly like that too  , they'd have no choice but to give in, scary lady!    

Arrows & liveinhope.....you'll probably remember we didn't so much have a 'wait for a certain time to pass' issue (as little man has been with us 2 and a half years already), but more an actual 'age' issue, like PL had (and with loads of different LA's as we couldn't go with our original one).
Many wanted little man to be school age, like PL (I should have put her on the phone for me   ), or they wanted him to be over 4 at least.
We were always told a 2 year age gap originally, and most LA's I spoke to didn't take into account the time it takes to be assessed, ie little man WILL be at least 4 by the time we are placed so the whole of our 0-2 year age bracket would be fine with the 2 year age gap between children iykwim, but many of them wanted him to be 4 before even taking us on  .
Just like PL we weren't having any of it!  
We got there in the end but it really shouldn't have been such a struggle  .
Many of the rules and regulations I do of course agree with, but others are just daft especially when there are apparently so many children in need of adoption   

Lots of luck to you both when you start your application for your 2nd littlie  , it sure does come around before you know it!  

Anj x


----------



## peacelily

Anjelissa said:


> Lol PL.....I can just imagine you saying it exactly like that too  , they'd have no choice but to give in, scary lady!


That's me


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## peacelily

Anjelissa said:


> We got there in the end but it really shouldn't have been such a struggle  .


I find myself saying that a lot at the moment  it is a constant battle. We are not having a good experience this time around.


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## liveinhope

Sorry its not so positive this time PL


----------



## peacelily

Thanks  can't be too specific on here, but it's difficult to know how much to rock the boat without the fear of being labelled difficult. We certainly wouldn't have done so first time around, but this time we know how things _should _work, so we won't take substandard treatment.


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## Anjelissa

PL.........more hugs for you  , as you know I'm thinking of you and hoping your wait comes to an end soon  x x
It's totally crazy bonkers   ....but don't start me off on another of my rants, lol  .......I'm supposed to be finishing something for little man's pre-school atm!  He was chosen to take 'Biggins the Bear' (and his journal) home during half term and we're just finishing off the photos and diary entries of Biggins's stay before his return to school tomorrow   
Anj x x


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## Arrows

Anj, the things we do for our kids! 
Thinking of all the new mummies at the minute -hope your first few weeks are going well!


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## Guest

Hello - I hope you are all well - I am still new to this thread and am getting to know everyone on here - sorry if this seems like a me post but I guess as I get more into things I will get to know you all. 

I just wanted to say I have just finished my prep course which was a bit of a roller coaster ride but now I am getting very anxious about the home study stage - has anyone got any tips for me.?  I am getting stressed already.
We started completing our PAR tonight and trying no remember dates and actual addresses is causing me the most amount of stress hahah! I wish I had led a boring life now and just lived at home in one address til i got married, had one job from age 16 and never been abroad travelling! It would have been so much easier hahahah 

Good luck to you all anyway xxxxx


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## Unconditional-love

Mrsjrum, don't panic about home study I was exactly the same as you are especially with addresses and dates and so on. I have lived in so many places here and abroad I didn't know where to begin. I made a short list of addresses and dates of what I could remember then I contacted my job centre and council tax offices to get their help, they were able to provide dates to and from for when I lived at most addresses, the ones I couldn't find through them just meant I was just a lodger. as for addresses abroad I used Google earth and just used the street names as I had no idea on anything else. Home study is basically just talking about your life and mine was complicated but we got through it so far so good. Just Relax and enjoy it, after meeting our sw for the first time we started to relax. X

Congratulations to all with such wonderfull news. xxx


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## Guest

Thanks unconditional love. Sounds like u struggled with addresses too! What stage are you at now? Xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Unconditional-love

Mrsjrum, your welcome, we started home study on 3rd Jan and have almost completed it, our sw is spending the next few weeks getting our report together so we can check it next month. It has to be competed by 5th April. We have panel 2nd week in may. Also we have our final prep training tomorrow. I'm here to help if you need any more advice...xxx


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## crazyroychick

Mind if I join you ladies? First SW visit today and just awaiting prep course dates now which should be March/April   xx


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## Frangipanii

Welcome Crazyroychick. How did your first visit go?! I hope everything goes wonderful for you!!! xx


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## crazyroychick

Went well, just a bit worried about my hubby's ex as she is nuts and has spent 10yrs ensuring he has minimal contact with his kids and has painted him as the worst father ever.  SW said that anything she says she must back up which obviously she can't so it shouldn't be an issue x

She told us we will get to go on prep course March/April, so would she have said this if she thought ex would be a problem? Can't stop worrying about it x


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## Macgyver

Thanks for the welcome, we are   for 2 siblings, we dont mind gender and open to age range birth - 7 years.  Our s/w is looking @ pre-schoolers and said she has started to 'put us out there'    Things seem to be going much faster than we thought they would.  Everyone kept saying it was going to be a slow process but since the end of the prep its been non stop.  My S/W is lovely.  Very open and helpful.  She is back every week until 2 weeks before panel.  I know she has all the references, medicals etc.  She is doing the Health & Safety home visit this week (Should be funny as I am a health and safety officer LOL) But hopefully all will be fine.  I have done a pre-survy.  Put the alchol in a top cupboard, covered the roatery line, put trunking up where there was the wire front the TV ariel  in the bedroom etc etc.  My poor Amazon Basket is full of stuff ready fo when she says and what are you going to do about this ?....  
Not long to your panel Baby.    Good luck. Sorry not to sure on the accranims yet.   What does LA/VA ?
Mac x


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## Macgyver

Morning ladies, Mind if I join you ?
We go to Panel 25th March so not long now.  S/W said nothing to get nervous about (Easy for her to say   ) 
Hopeing that we get approved for 2 siblings   
Good luck everyone   
Luv Mac x


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## GERTIE179

Hi to all the lovely newbies

Just a quick update from me. We are now one month in since little man moved home and things going really well. We've had a few hiccups but as you would expect this early. Little man seems to settle more each day and is coming on sooo much. Loving our family life (DH has been able to work flexibly and been a tremendous help and thus finding things fairly straight forward in adapting).

My only worry at moment is funnelling and if we are doing enough/too much. Feel really bad for the GPs as they can't get cuddles etc and I hope they understand why (still think my mum thinks I'm being a new ate parent lol)

I know I used to love hearing the positive stories in the early day so promised I would do same when our turn.

X x


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## crazyroychick

Mac, best of luck for the panel, you will soon be tucking your LO up in bed xx

Gertie, thanks for the welcome, thats lovely that your LO is settling in well always good to hear positive stories xx


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## baby0684

Is it local authority, or is a voluntary agency (someone independant like Barnados/action for children).

I had to check my PAR over the weekend. It was really wierd reading all this stuff about me.

I have also wrote down what I need to buy. Luckily my agency helps with some of the things that you need. But I have to wait until I have been matched.

The positive thing with the H&S is that if there are any issues, they can be rectified before child/ren move in.

What area are you in?


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## Frangipanii

Sorry ladies....a ME post¡
Furious. I am working within a school and met up with a lady i went to school with who decided to annouce it that she knew about my ivf and how her baby was ivf and how tough it had been And how can i stand working with children and oh are you now going down the next route and yes it wonderful looking after kids that arenot your own. Omg i could cry and scream all at once. Nobody knew about our ivf except close friends so one of them has been gossiping. oh and she also knew about my tatoo which is so small i am now feel i have a stalker. Hubby is fuming because he does not want our future children to be labled and I am so angry.¡¡¡ some people have no idea. She talked so loud ther people joined in the conversation. she went on and on about how can be around babies infront of evrryone. I just wanted to die on the spot¡¡¡ 
gutted x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Oh my gosh Frangipanii, you have absolutely every right to be furious. What a horrible thing to have to go through, who on earth does she think she is?! She obviously has no clue or compassion otherwise she'd have kept her mouth shut and waited for you to confide in her as is your prerogative. It may be worth speaking to friends and reiterating that this is private. Not the same but we had a situation where a friend of a friend wanted to find out about adoption and spoke to us and then seemed to think this gave her the right to keep asking for updates on a weekly basis. I spoke to friend and it has now stopped. Take care hun and try and put it out of your mind, there are enough stresses in life without ill-informed ****** waging in x


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## crazyspaniel

Ooh some people are sooo insensitive,   xx


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## crazyroychick

Big   frangipanii, some people are just so insensitive, she must have known if you have not told her then you did not want her to know.  You would think having been through IVF herself she would understand how you feel.

Really sorry one of your close friends has been gossiping too as they had no right to discuss your private business with anyone xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Horrible, intensive, awful, nosy, infuriating   so sorry lovely, that is hard on so many levels. Big   to you x x x x x


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## Sq9

People can be so cruel and speak before they engage their brain   sending   x


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## farm boy

hi all. we read all with interest and are glad to see so many things going well.
gertie. i was wondering what funneling was as i have not come across the term before, we have just started our prep course so maybe it will come up later but i am intrigued to know.
and yes frangipanii it is very understandable that your unhappy with others insensitivity, twas ever thus.
prep course is great by the way for those who haven't started theirs yet, you will enjoy it.
all the best.

**..


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## Mummy DIY Diva

It is so maddening welcome new people lovely to see you all. 

Fran I am furious for you what an absolute - well they'll censor me so I'll let you fill in the gaps. It is so private clearly IVF worked first time for her as I can't believe anyone who'd been through IVF in any way could be so stupid. 

A really close friend of a friend works in the beautician I go to and when I talked about changing jobs and what a great life style change it was she said. "And to not work with children." I corrected her and told her I still work with children but the comment made me think my friend had said something to her which made me really cross and that is nothing in comparison to what was done to you. I am so sorry unfortunately people seem to see our lives as an interesting point of discussion rather than our private lives  .


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh yes any H and S tips greatly welcome


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## nutmeg

How awful Frangi, I'd be fuming too    I think you need to tell her so.

PL, so sorry to hear things STILL aren't improving. I hope you get things resolved quickly (())

Gertie, great to hear.

We have the first of our monthly reviews tomorrow with DDs swr and our swr called today to see how things were going too. I'm sure DDs swr will see a big change in her as see hasn't seen her in 3 weeks (which is a long time when you're only 8 months old   )


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah hope it went well Nutmeg x


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## Frangipanii

thanks all. knew u would understand. She really didnt get that I was upset as she even said she will pop round for a brew. urgh NO. unbelievable. As some of you have said i have to say something. I did follow her out the building but she was talking to someone and i didnt want someone else involved ....as well. I do not know what i would havr done if i could not vent to you all. Obviously as some of you have mentioned u have been through something similar.
I agree Gyneth i must have been her first time. Off to bed to sleep off my sorrows and hope for a better day tomorrow!!!! xxxx


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## GERTIE179

Frang - I'm outraged on your behalf. I would have to have said something (after getting over the shock)!

Farm boy - different people refer to funnelling differently but basically its about DH and I bring the only one to meet Los needs ie food, drinks, personal care, visits @home to minimum. Some SWs also say lockdown and be at home as much as poss. LO found this hard as did we, so we do go out most afternoons for a walk to park or pick up shopping every few days. But same routine and he seems to be really enjoying this.

Hugs to all x


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## skyblu

Oh Fran what a stupid woman, as others have said seeing as she has been down the ivf route you would of thought she would of been more sympathetic. I would definitely have a word with her when you see her next and also may be a good idea to tell the friends and family that knew that you are disappointed that someone you trusted let you down, and I am sure you will then know who leaked.

Sorry me rant now.
Unfortunately we wont get to meet our lo now for another week. We were supposed to start intros today but hubby has got the flu and has a fever. It started on Saturday and even though we went to the appreciation day yesterday it was suspended early as hubby was not well at all and was going to be rescheduled for today. Last night he had a fever of 38.8 and I knew we wouldn't make it today. SW phoned this afternoon and thought it was best to cancell this week for hubby to recover fully.
I am disappointed as now she wont be home for mothers day, but we will have a day out with her on that day.
Hubby is feeling really guilty but I know he is really poorly so somehow it is easier to deal with.
Oh well we have waited 17 yrs what is another week!!!!!!!

Syblu.xxx


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## Poppets Mammy

Fran -   it never fails to surprise me how stupid and insensitive people are. They really should learn to engage their brain before speaking. Silly off the cuff remarks can really cause damage and upset. How dare ppl gossip about you like that, and then basically announce you private life at work. Disgusting!!   We are all hear for you and on your side, this forum is a god send for venting isn't it.

Skyblu - sad to hear intro's are postponed, there's so many obstacles in this process. Poor DH though, that's one hell of a temperature, hope he's getting some treatment for it. Look after each other. Best to be on top form for meeting LO. We'll be having intro's the same time - we are intro buddies. 1 week Eeeek  

Matching panel for us in the morning - bring it on


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## baby0684

*gwyneth27*
When is your H&S?
What kind of age are you going for?

What I suggest families to do within work, is to go round on your hands and knees, and see things from a childs point of view.

But things that SW pick up on are hazadous materials high up, in a locked cupboard. Any wires/cables/cords are tied away, secured. That you have a fire plan. Windows are lockable, and the keys are with you, also that they dont open too far. Also when you are going out how will you cope if child does a runner.


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## skyblu

Thanks cantwait, It is a pain but as you said there is nothing worse feeling really poorly and trying to be happy and cheery ex specally for a child and DH needs to be on top form, I just hope I don't get it. 

Don't worry about tomorrow, they wouldn't be taking you to matching panel if your SW didn't think you get through it.
They will ask you stupid questions though like: why do you think this child is a right match for you? My DH said " you tell me you chose her so you tell me why she is a good match you know her we don't" Cringe  panel laughed though but DH was serious 
It will be fine you know why you want lo so just be honest and go with it. It will be fine 

Good luck
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Cantwait - thanks for support! I will completely be thinking of you in the mornings and keeping everything crossed for you! Obviously with the knowledge that it will go great! But Good luck and love to you!
Girlonsea - I think you are right, I am going to cut her off, the stupid BLEEP! I am still peed off! I am liking the wild information... and i have a lovely imagination. 
Skyblu, thanks! I am so sorry to hear about your week, that is awful! Bloody husbands can they never do anything right! te he, bless him, hope he gets over the guilt and of course feels better soon!!!!!
Gertie, I so wish I had but now what! I was thinking of contacting her on **- obviously she is not on mine, well both of the ladies involved!
You have all helped especially with advice and the fact that I dont have to be so loney in my sorrow! xxx


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## VEC

Skyblu, you are jumping through endless hoops and this is yet another at the last minute.  Hope you manage to stay bug free in the next week, and good luck getting through this last week.

Frangipani that is such tactless and egocentric behaviour, I'm very sorry. Good luck putting her straight.

Can't wait, huge luck!  Not that you need it.

Hello everyone

Martha x


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## GERTIE179

Skyblu - that's a pity re delay but intros are stressful enough without being so poorly. Stock up on the berocca/vit C as we found out wee ones get bugs and adults suffer then too (gastric flu and cold mid way thro intros). Last thing u need is catching DH flu too.
Eek exciting times x


----------



## Arrows

Frangipani, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with such a gobby, insensitive person! I truly hope you find a way to drum it into her skull that it was not appropriate and incredibly hurtful!

Skyblu, I'm sorry :-( It sucks to have a delay at any point and illness does not help. Intros are wonderful, challenging and utterly exhausting without illness added in -you've made the right decision and your DH will obviously feel guilty but at the end of the day those evil little bugs and viruses are at fault. Darn them all!!!

AFU, Last week we went away to my folks (starting to really wish we had less family as would dearly like a holiday with just us as a family instead of being obligated to visit family all the time) and both me, DS and then my Dad had a stomach bug.
Then Sunday I got a cold/flu and now really, really struggling with DS. Yesterday a vicious headache came on around 1pm and didn't leave. I spent from 7pm in bed with light off as everything hurt so badly and threw up. Today woke up feeling better but now headache is back and feel awful -if i could fob off DS onto someone else I would as my fuse is non-existant and already shouted at him twice even though I know I'm over reacting!
It seems to be the season for bugs cause almost everyone I know is suffering in one way or another.


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## newmum

Frangipani what an insensitive woman! Some people are unbelievable it's pathetic 


Skyblu another set back for you I'm sorry to hear, just a small shor delay though, hope hubby is better soon

Welcome crazyroychic try not to worry easier said than done I know! My DH has been married before and has 2 SD. He was naturally worried as they are an ex wife for a reason but to try to put your mind at rest our SW interviewed her and his SD and it went well. SW will also interview your DH to hear his side.

Cant Wait how did matching panel go? Exciting stuff

AFU still at the home study stage, going well I hope we are getting to the end now and hoping to go to panel April/May time now not March/April. Trying to think its only a small delay in comparison to the whole process and its a step closer 

How everyone 

Nm2b x


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## Poppets Mammy

Unanimous YES from Matching panel, the chair person was lovely and told us it was yes when we first went in. He basically just chatted to us while everyone else looked on. No intimidating questions like what we were prepared for.
We meet her this time next week Eeeeeee   Off out to celebrate now. So chuffed xx


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## crazyspaniel

Congratulations can't wait!!!
Xxxx
Hope when we get to that stage we get a lovely panel too


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## newmum

Congratulations can't wait!! That's brilliant news enjoy your celebrations x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations Can't Wait....so happy and excited for you x


----------



## Belliboo

Congratulations can't wait hope this week passes quickly for you so you can meet your little one xx


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## nutmeg

So pleased for you Cant Wait, I really am. Hope you celebrate tonight / this weekend as it may be your last oppportunity for some time    (())

We met DD2s swr again today, she hasn't seen her for 3 weeks and she was absolutely thrilled at her developments, which made me very happy. She gave us our later life letter which reduced me to tears and was very complimentary about us! She also told us that BPs are VERY likely to have another within the next 12 months or so and they'd like us to consider concurrency    Roll on 20th March now when we can make our applications to court.

Hope everyone is well x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Well done nutmeg, that's fantastic xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoooooo! Can'twait brilliant news. 
Nutmeg exciting times what an amazing thought x x


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## Arrows

Congrats Nutmeg and Can'twait!!!


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## Anjelissa

Congratulations Can't Wait  and I hope you're having a lovely evening celebrating   .
I think I was more nervous at matching panel than I was at approval panel although our matching panel was a breeze in comparison. I think it's because you have more at stake as it's then about a real little person or people with whom you have already started to form attachments to (even before meeting them).
Exciting times ahead next week, they are moments you will never ever forget   

Anj x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Girls! Sorry for no personals.... we have a potential match!!!    


We have the LO's SW coming tomorrow to talk about placing us with him..   We are hugely excited! We've discussed a lot of details with our own SW who has been very helpful.....and it all seems very good for us......However I'm struggling with questions to ask tomorrow....know the obvious ones but at this stage is there anything we SHOULD be asking (in case we have forgotten as it's been a huge rollercoaster for a week now).


So sorry it's about me (us) but you're all such a lovely bunch and I've been supported by you all for years on here. Short notice I know...but if you can think of anything Girls...   ... so excited.... to think this could be IT!!!!    


Lots of love Noodles XXX


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## skyblu

Congrats Cantwait and Nutmeg 

Hubby is getting better slowly, roll on next week.

Thank you all for your support.

Skyblu.xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news noodles so pleased keep us posted x


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## Frangipanii

Nutmeg....wow A.m.a.z.i.ng. !!!!! About your daughters developmemt shows what a brilliant job you are doing!!! And as for concurrent well that surely is interesting!! It is a funny one isnt it...weird on the one hand how selfish and disgusting some people can be and then on the other...could be amazing for you family!!! All very lovely and interesting....love to u. 
Noodles...how wonderfully exciting...best of luck to you!!! xx
Cant wait ....many wonderful congratualtions to you. Brilliant news..well done!!
afm...just wanted to tell you that i sent a polite but pointed email to said person and got a very apologetic responce. Hopefully I wont be seeing/hearing off her again. 
love and forever dust to you all x x x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good for you you frangipani x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thank you all for the congratulations, DH has just said 'its going to get very real very quickly isn't it?' Haha  YES, Yes it is! Lol

Noodles - amazing news, happening very quick for you now you know eh. Try to relax, I had a page full of questions which when I looked at at the end of the visit when asked 'any questions?' I realised they had all been answered thru natural conversation. You'll prob find that you will all start chatting about LO, their SW will ask questions which will prompt your questions, no doubt your SW will chip in with questions and so on. It will be fine, get some sleep and try to enjoy finding more out about your potential LO. Eeeek exciting times xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can'twait.......wòoooooooooooooo      nearly time for a name change....because you ARE a mummy....and you dont have to wait any more!!!! 

Nutmeg - fab news hun, it sounds like your lo is doing great! Xx

Noodles......eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek good luck x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Well done Fran it can't have been easy to do that. But I bet you feel a lot of relief that you have stood up for your family. It's all good practice as unfortunately it probably won't be the last time. People are idiots that's all I can say x


----------



## thespouses

Interesting times all - especially noodles and nutmeg!


----------



## farm boy

evening all.
thanks gertie. looking forward to funneling already.
good news cant wait and nutmeg and noodles. matching  seems like a long distant dream to us though, a long way to go yet.

**..


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh wow exiting things happening here!!

Congratulations Can't Wait... I bet that your username is more true now than ever before!! So nearly there!!

Noodles, that is FANTASTIC! Excited to hear more!

Skyblu, how is hubby?  Hope all is still on for next week.  Keep dosing up, you need to stay germ free!

Good for you Frangi, hope it makes her sit up and have a long hard think before running away with her big mouth in the future.  Too little too late sadly for you.  hope you are ok?

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well  

Had our penultimate HS session today, can't believe we are nearly there.  On for May panel, everything crossed that we make it    Is it normal that it still feels quite surreal?  I think I am so used to going through processes and coming away with nothing that I can't quite fathom that this leads to our child....


----------



## farm boy

" Had our penultimate HS session today, can't believe we are nearly there.  On for May panel, everything crossed that we make it  " Is it normal that it still feels quite surreal.  i think i am so used to going through processes and coming away with nothing that I can't quite fathom that this leads to our child.... "

very well thought out
good luck.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news Farm Boy fingers crossed x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks Farm boy... a day at a time!!! I know it's happening but can't quite envisage being a mummy yet.... I guess it is quite normal though.  Well at least I hope it is!!


----------



## Frangipanii

funny x-lolly-x I feel the same. How am i going to end up with children. Found out we are at panel in June fingers crossed!!! Thankfully!!! xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fingers and toes crossed Frangi   how are you finding HS is going? We have our final visit April 4th, can't believe how quickly time goes! Exciting, scary, surreal, emotional all wrapped into one! xx xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Lolly, frangi, and farm boy, we are planned for June panel too so hopefully there will be a few of us celebrating then!   
I think we have about 2 HS visits left, one in March and the other in April so very similar to you guys with time scales  

Lolly.....we felt the same the first time around, it was all very surreal and amongst all the 'process' etc you almost forget what it's all about (however odd that sounds), I know exactly what you mean!
We were linked the same week as approval so obviously had to 'snap to' (so to speak) very quickly!  
It's odd though as we have the same feeling this time around which surprises me. It still doesn't feel 'real' for some reason and if I remember correctly from last time it doesn't really until you are linked and progressing with your lo. It's then when you start to form an attachment to your child (even before meeting them) and it's only then that it all hits home and feels very real iykwim   

Lots of luck to you both  

Anj x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you for sharing Anj, nice to know it is normal and I haven't gone   It is often easy to get caught up in the labels, the needs and difficulties, the hypothetical child. We say all the right things in terms of parenting and strategies yet I struggle to apply them to a child we may soon have. I think that sometimes these things take over and then I suddenly remember that this is a little innocent child we are talking about here. It is hard to comprehend! Interesting that you are experiencing similar feelings again, I guess it is all more normal than I thought!

Wow, we may all be panel buddies, it's a comforting thought   x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

I'm loving the suggestions to change my forum name, I will have to get thinking of a good name and get right on that  

I've updated 'The current posters list' according to the requests. I've put  After those I wasn't 100% sure about or haven't heard from recently. Please send more requests as necessary and I'll update the list over the next few days while I have some time. 
My offer for someone else to take over the list still stands, will be good for a newby to do it so they are 'fresh' in the process and keeping track of everyone. I really enjoyed doing it, but simply can't commit to it as well anymore. Any offers? 

I finished work today and went for a meal and 'toddler shower', is this real? Am I really a mam in 5days? Still doesn't feel real. So bizarre, don't know how to describe it  
Xx


----------



## newmum

We are hoping to go to panel April/May time SW won't commit so we don't get our hopes up and also I think it's because she works part time and is being mentored, she is very thorough though which I like.

Farmboy and Lolly I know what you mean it's quite surreal to think fingers crossed we will get our dream and bring our LO home, thanks for the reassurance Anj

Can't wait wow a toddler shower bet that was fun 5 more sleeps! 

Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

How exciting can't wait last weekend just the two of you x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

IT"S A BOY!    spin   


Hi Girls.....finally.... we can say we have an LO!       


He is 2 years old and we are overjoyed. Intros will start and by May/June he should be in his forever home.   
DH and I are ecstatic!We have partied for two nights now! All our friends and family are over the moon. It's finally happened to us.


                          


Noodles xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Yeah Noodles Congratulations, that's Fantastic news. So chuffed 😃

🍸🍹🍻🍷🍰🍪🍦🔆🎉🎊🎁🌷🐤👼👶😃 congratulations parade, hahah xx


----------



## Theretofour

Wow that is great update xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news on here with those progressing tiwards approval and yeah Can't wait & noodles!!
X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased Noodles amazing news x x x


----------



## newmum

Yeah noodles brilliant news    

Congratulations 


Nn2b x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Noodle


----------



## Anjelissa

That's wonderful news noodles! 
         
HUGE congratulations to you!  

Love Anj x x


----------



## bluedreams

Fantastic new Noodles


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations noodles x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Fantastic noodles, congratulations!!!!


----------



## Belliboo

Congratulations noodles lovely news xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Aaw thanks Girls!  It's been so exciting....been partying for two days now  ....had to have a wee lie down there as exhausted!


I wish it was May/June now!!!    Is it normal to take all that time for paperwork and intros? ...


Still can't believe it!!   


Noodles xx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Oh wow!!   Congratulations!! What fabulous news. xxxx


----------



## skyblu

Congrats Noddles   
I am afraid yes 3 months is the norm to get paper work done. We were linked with our lo in Nov and she is coming home in 8 days. Whoop whoop!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats is no one goes ill again, Dh went ill last week with the flu and delayed intros by a week. 

Our last week end as a twosome  Can't wait to be a family of three.

Cantwait,  have fun also on your last weekend as a twosome. Exciting times coming. When do you start intros next week? We start on Tuesday.

Have a great weekend ladies.
Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

So very happy for you noodles


----------



## nutmeg

Huge congratulations Noodles   

Skyblu and Can'tWait - all the best of luck for your intros this coming week, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep exciting!!!!


----------



## Flash123

Noodles - woooohoooooo your gonna by a mummy. Fantastic news.

Skyblu & can't wait - I can't tell you how envious I am of you meeting your treasures. I hope with all my heart it is everything you have dreampt (for a bloody long time!!!!) it will be. Enjoy every moment - as I am sure you will.

Afu - we are in that limbo stage at the mo, where every thought, action, decision is related to lo but we haven't even met him yet. I am sure things will calm down (emotionally) because I can't carry on like this till end of April / early may...I am a wreck lol. It has only been 1 week since our linking meeting and it has dragged soooooooo much. I am sooooo impatient. Things are looking good, panel booked, meeting with medical booked but Matching meeting isn't until a few weeks time and I am still terrified it will come crashing down. We have spoken to lo 's sw's, they can't see any issues and are really keen but you can't help but work can you ? 

Take care everyone xxxx


----------



## VEC

Ah noodles, that's lovely news


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations noodles     So much fabulous news on here at the moment which gives all of us with some way to go lots of hope.  Enjoy every minute xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Ladies......it's beginning to sink in now.... and it's absolutely FABULOUS!!!    


Need to step away from the champagne and get back to work tomorrow....what a blast! I,m so happy!    


Love Noodles xx


----------



## HRM

Noodles - so thrilled for you love, it's about time us girls all got our turn hey? xxxx

Please can I be added to the posters list? HRM, Prep course in April. Thanks. 

Hi to everyone and congrats for all the good news on here lately, I've just never known such a positive thread with such lovely women. 

H xxx


----------



## dandlebean

We're in the early stages but it's moving fast. Had initial home meeting with SW 5 days ago and were told we'd be on a prep course in 10-14 days!

Having read a lot of posts on here and other places on the internet we were bracing ourselves to have to wait at least a couple of months if not more to get on a prep course


----------



## Macgyver

Hi Baby,
We live in Kent, South East. 
S/W said she is looking at pre-schoolers for us.  2 or 1 child/ren.  Depending on the child/ren needs.
Where are you from? what age range are you looking for?
Cant believe its only 4 weeks away.  The S/W is doing our reference visits next week.  We have been lucky to see 3 out of the 6 references as they copied them for us to see.  
The H & S visit went ok, everything she picked up on I had already picked up on and found a way to fix it.  Need to cover the patio doors with protective film as they dont seem to have a kite mark. Child locks, plugs and gates as normal   .  Cover for the glass table, but that was about it really. But dont want to get too much yet until we are matched.
I have the child locks, plug covers, corner covers, door cousions etc.  But the rest we will get as we go through matching.
How did yours go?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

We're open minded but think 2 or 3 under 5's. Will start looking at cables etc and storage of cleaning stuff alcohol and medicines. Runners would be the same as when dealing with all my younger brothers nephews and kids I've worked with. Run after them regardless and pick them up so they can't carry on. If it was very regular you'd have to consider preventative stuff like wrist to wrist reigns. Is that a wrong answer? X x x


----------



## Frangipanii

welcome Dandlebean!! 
oh well tried to discuss how u have to change to fit in with adoption today and my parents are struggling eith it!!! ie changing christmas, or not using a car, or not letting anyone but us give hugs etc. Argh. They just think it should be like when they adopted me. Where a child came home to live forever....not any of this complicated stuff!!! confused!!! xx


----------



## baby0684

*Macgyver*
Im in Derbyshire, But withe Sheffield LA.
As I have a BC I can only go up to age 4 which im quite happy about.

Wow, 6 references. Thats alot. I had 3. I could have picked 4 at a push, but finding 6 people. Who were your references?

My H&S was fine. had to do it in 2 parts as when she did it, she couldnt do the garden as it had got dark. She just said that I needed safety gates. But thats it. Again as I have a BC I kinda knew what I needed.

*gwyneth27*
Wow thats alot to cope with. I would more likely to say 2. Going from none to 1 or 2 children is a challange, but 3! I often have my friends kids, and it takes it out of me.

The reigns are a good idea. You just have to think how old the child is, and how strong they are. How would you get you both used to going in the car? Going on short trips, and then stopping somewhere so if they do run there are no dangers around, until they get used to not running!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

It'll be hard for them Fran because they have done it although in a very different time they will feel they are experts on the topic. My parents have 6 of us but are researching like mad because they realise that none of their vast experience has prepared them for this. However DH's family make a lot of comments about the process like its all a lot of hard work and how ridiculous. When we said we were going on prep in June oh so you get a baby in June - no. Haven't even broached post adoption etiquette yet because it's  going to be a nightmare. Good luck x x


----------



## nutmeg

There is a book called related by adoption which is good to give to family. It explains to them why adoptive parents may have to take certain measures (although I'm sure my MIL has forgotten everything in it   ) But at least it saves you repeating yourself!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

HRM - in total agreement ... and so are all the people around me....they thought it was BEYOND my (our) time!! So lovely to see everyone else's enjoyment of our news. 


Dandelion - Welcome! All the ladies on here as very supportive and lovely. 


Skyblu and Cantwait - I am sending you both a big   for your intros nerves.... You'll be absolutely fabulous ! ! 


Hey ladies if I'm this excited about our match what am I going to be like at Intros.? Oh my me I'll be beyond myself. I feel as though this match has lifted a weight off my shoulders - always wanted to be a mum - and now it's finally happening.  Whoooohoooo!    DH on cloud 9 too. Hope the next 3 months fly in and there are no delays!  


Noodles xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks Nutmeg we have bought that for DH's family and will give it to them once we start HS. That was the book my parents started with. 

Noodles love every minute because you are a Mummy they just haven't quite got to you yet. x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am one of six so had to get out and about with 3 young ones often regularly by myself my whole life. Then we have 3 nephews who were all born within 3 years so I have got out and about with them a lot and had them overnight etc. To me I don't know any different then getting out with 3 kids it's been my whole life. There's only about 8 years between youngest bro and oldest nephew. 

Middle nephew was a runner and oldest is physically disabled so I guess I'd do what I did then seemed to work they were all always safe. Still are but obviously a bit older now and understand that cars can run you over etc. 

We're up for whatever really. x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - how you feeling leading up to your big day tomorrow?? 


We meet our LO on Wed and I'm totally sh**ing myself (for lack of a better term) I feel like all my excitement has dissapeared slowly over the past few months while waiting for things to be organised and matching panel etc. DH thinks I'm just apprehensive and the nerves are drowning my excitement. I'm a bit worried I'm not excited like I thought I'd be, I'm now worrying about EVERTHING imaginable. 

Is this normal? Did anyone else feel like this leading up to intro's? Or am I


----------



## Flash123

Can't wait...it's the most normal feeling in the world lovely. You are about to embark on the biggest most important and truelly winderful thing you have ever done in your life. If you didn't feel terrified, scared, s******g yourself ( u may choose any of the above!!!) then something would be wrong. It matters...lthats why you feel they way you do. So try to sit back, chill ( coz you won't do much of that for the next ?? Years) and enjoy it because your bubba is waiting to meet the 2 most special people in her life xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Gwyneth We also have had the prep course = child scenario, and most recently panel signals the start of my adoption leave! Oh dear... 

Frangi, my parents got the book being discussed, it is quite good with quotes from people who had been in that position. Hope it help a little. It must be very different now to how your parents passed through the process.

Someday, I am sure it is all very normal and that you will be a natural. It is such a massive built up with too much time to think. We will all be thinking of you, you will be great!

 to all xxx


----------



## gettina

Yay noodles, congratulations.
Hope tomorrow is magic skyblu.
 Can't wait. I can't imagine how it'll feel - daunting is probably a major understatement though! Exciting too! Good luck for wed. I bet you will feel wonderful once you are involved. 
You are being v diligent having those conversations early Fran. Plenty of time for it all to sink in hopefully.

Welcome hrm and dandlebean and all the best as you get going.
Hello to everyone. 

Afu, Sunday is set aside to do encomap and family tree ahead of second visit next week. 

X


----------



## Frangipanii

thanks everyone glad I am not alone!!! and some great advice. Will defo look book uo 
Will be thinking of you Cantwait!!.
Sw said there will be no probs matching us with two kids under four. I know it is only a statment and not a fact but gives me hope. 
Long long day so sorry for crap responce!!! xx


----------



## Marley49

Hi!

My first post although I've been reading for weeks and weeks. I have my initial home visit in a weeks time, so can anyone give me the heads up on what to expect!?

I've loved reading all your stories and can't wait un till I'm at the final stages - it all seems so far away right now and almost impossible! 

Thanks everyone


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Welcome Marley... Dont worry time will go soon enough!! Good luck on your journey!! x


----------



## skyblu

Welcome Marley.

You are not alone Can't Wait, I am also  myself about today. Excitement has been totally overtaken by nerves, apprehension and plain "oh my god what if...................... she doesn't like me, prefers DH, has a massive tantrum and many more things". This is very normal I am sure and reading what the others have said I feel a little better I am feeling like this.
Right, must try and sleep, long day tomorrow................. We are meeting out DAUGHTER     

Never thought in a million years I would be saying that 2 yrs ago.

Good Luck Wednesday Can't wait.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## beachgirl

have a wonderful first meeting, a moment you'll treasure forever x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Have an amazing day skyblu thinking of you x x x


----------



## Flash123

Welcome Marley  

Omg skyblu....it's today!!!!! Wishing u and dh the most wonderful of days. Can't wait to hear all about it 

Flash xxxx


----------



## liveinhope

Enjoy today Skyblu -it is a wonderful moment.  We are nearly a year on now but I still get goose bumps when I think of the first time I met our precious son.


----------



## GERTIE179

Skyblu - just enjoy and soak it all in. We expected the worse with all the thoughtsu had and yet had an excellent first meet. Intros are hard on u all so just go with it. U have a lifetime of these worries ahead as u are now a mummy!!

X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Today is the day skyblu!! I hope you enjoy every single second. You all deserve it, congratulations mummy   xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I figured it was likely to be normal but it's always nice to hear that from someone else who's been through it.

Have a great day Skyblu, hope everything goes swimmingly. Please pop on later and let us know how it went. I think our Little girls are similar ages as well so will be interesting to hear all about it. 

Well I'm off to do yet another clean of the house, more washing and some food shopping ready for Intro's tomorrow! Still can't quite believe it  

Xx


----------



## Marley49

Thanks for the welcomes everyone 

Skyblu - I've read through this thread from start to Finish and your story has really stood out. I'm so happy for you and I was pleased after reading through that its a happy ending!! Good luck today and I can't wait to read about your first meeting with your DAUGHTER!! Wow.


----------



## Anjelissa

Lots of luck to skyblu and Can't Wait, I'm thinking of you both and can't wait to hear how it's all going    

skyblu....it's been such a long time coming for you  , but the moment you meet your lo the struggle to get to that point will all pale into insignificance, I'm so happy for you!  
Do you remember what I said to you over a year ago when you had the awful news that everything had to be put on hold  ?
When you meet your lo the long wait will all make sense and hopefully it will all seem to have happened that way for a reason    

Love Anj x x


----------



## ChickenLegs

Good luck skyblu and Can't Wait, so excited for you!


----------



## Duckling

Had to come on quickly to say GOOD LUCK to Can't Wait and Skyblu!   
You'll be exhausted and emotional but it's the start of a fantastic new life. I LOVE it  .
Duckling xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Can't wait - good luck for tomo! Bet it'll be hard to sleep tonight x


----------



## newmum

Hi all

Frangipani I can understand where you are coming from. Like you I was adopted, not sure how old you are but both my parents are in their 70's. When our parents adopted things everything was so different , my parents will say things like why does SW need to know that and this and what does she want now! I think half of their reaction is they are still protecting me after 40 years bless them. That book that was recommended sounds good though let me know if I helps

Welcome Marley any questions ask away 

Skyblu abnd cant wait how did your day go? Can't wait to here All about them, been thinking of you both

Our SW came round yesterday and things are going well heading for panel April/may

Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

How exciting!

Can't wait - the very best for tomoro. God only knows how you feel as I'm still hyper from getting a match!  


Sky Blue - It's all happening today... really hope it went well.   


Noodles    xx


----------



## popsi

just a quick post ...sorry dont have time to post much at the moment.. but do read

just wanted to send all my best wishes to Skyblu for today...hope the day was as wonderful as you imagined, remember intros are so hard and tiring too so take care xx

much love to everyone... i can honestly say to everyone waiting it really is worth every moment xx


----------



## babybiggles73

I just thought I would pop on here and say hello, we have made the initial contact with out la about adoption after a failed ivf attempt. We have answered all their questions, and been told to reapply in June to allow us enough time between failed treatment and starting the adoption process, although they are sending information for us to attend an information morning before then.
Until we can reapply, I guess I will be stalking this thread to see whats instore for us along the way


----------



## Dreams do come true

Sorry I havent posted much, I'm so busy at work though...just 5 weeks left!

Skyblu - I hope day 1 went well, enjoy meeting your little munchkin

Cant wait - I bet you cant wait   Good luck with intros, you're going to meet your little girl  

I am looking forward to hearing all about intros Ladies x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

hi babygiggles. Welcome. U will get a bank of knowledge and hear about lots of adoption stuff so it is a great place to learn useful tips and tools. I wish you lots of luck on your journey and hope it goes fab!!! Have you decided how many children you would like to adopt. 
much love fx


----------



## babybiggles73

Hello, we are looking at just the one as we already have a 9 year old daughter. I'm just worried about the whole process and what if they think we are not suitable. Is it natural to think that way?


----------



## Frangipanii

Totally normal!!! Umbelievabley so!! None of us are perfect and we have all had our warts inspected metaphorically speaking. It would be weird if u werent a little worried. It is a big step. But it isnt horribel or awful just get used toi being honest and open and if you have any skeletons that you thing they will find out about then it is better to tell them now!!!.  pm me if you want. Have you discussed it with your daughter... i bet she will want a sibling!! How exciting for her. x x


----------



## skyblu

3 words............. OH MY GOD  

This morning we had a planning review meeting fc were there also and ff seemed a bit off, quite and reserved.
Dh and I had a word with our sw about how we felt that it was going to be tough on them and us, we felt sick, nervous and just felt this was going to go to the dogs.
Sw came with us and she took photos of our first meeting with lo and recorded the first 1/2 hr. Lo was fantastic couldn't believe within 10 min she was sitting on my lap and giving me big hugs, showing us her bedroom, her toys and were the potty lives. She let dh give her lunch but wouldn't sit with him or cuddle him or none of the stuff she was doing with me, so I think I will need to back off a bit tomorrow and let dh get a look in. In a word she was amazing and the first meeting couldn't of gone better and the fc..................... were fantastic.
When we left after 21/2 hrs she wanted to come with us and got a bit teary, but was o.k after a cuddle and a big kiss from mummy and daddy .

Thank you ladies for the good wishes you have sent they do mean so much and especially you ladies I talked to way back when we started this journey.
I will allways remember your words of encouragement you gave me Anj when things fell apart and you were right, even though it has taken 18 months to get here for some reason, now it doesn't feel that long.
And Popsi your story encouraged me to phone up and enquire about adoption, without your story I don't think we would be were we are now. 
Thank you very very much ladies because of you I AM A MUMMY 

Best of luck tomorrow Can't Wait. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Flash123

Skyblu - goosebump time. Your post is what dreams are made of. Magical xxx

Can't wait - no more sleeps (tonight doesn't count coz I bet you won't sleep a wink   ) treasure tomorrow and may all your dreams come true xxx


----------



## babybiggles73

We have discussed it with her, we felt it had to be a family decision as it would affect us all. She's so excited. She can't waif to be a big sister. The social worker I spoke to have told us not to limit ourselves to the ages 0-2 but to go as high as 2 years younger than our daughter. I'm not sure how she would cope with someone of that age, or if we should maybe decide up to 4 years..... Any thoughts??


----------



## Dreams do come true

Skyblu...or should that be mummy   Yay, loved that post!!! You're a mummy....and it sounds like you have had a fab day with your fab little girl! Goosebumps here too. Enjoy tomorrow x


----------



## Frangipanii

well not sure but kids are resilient and it could be the best thing to happen but there are risks and if it was me I would want younger to keep the risks smaller. However I am noooo expert on this bit of adoption having no kids but I am sure there are some ladies on here who could offer some advice about that. Actually if you read back a few pages you may find something. Always worth having a route round on here. x


----------



## gettina

Just wow skyblu. Hope tomorrow equally fab. X

Your turn can't wait!!

X


----------



## babybiggles73

Thanks for your help. It's much appreciated x x


----------



## newmum

Skyblu what a lovely day you had, I can only imagine how stressful and emotional it must of been. Your a Mummy bet you want to pinch yourself. Amazing and congratulations enjoy tomorrow x


----------



## liveinhope

Glad your day was perfect Skyblu! And you are going to do it all again tomorrow xx


----------



## oliver222

Skyblu glad today went so well for you.


----------



## Marley49

Congratulations Skyblu! So happy for you, what a wonderful feeling!


----------



## beachgirl

what a wonderful special time Skyblu ,enjoy today...you get to do it all over again xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Sorry not been on for a while. 

Just wanted to say good luck to sky blu and can'twait. 

Big hugs to everyone else

Emma xxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Congrats Skyblu!! xx


----------



## nutmeg

Skyblu - sounds perfect, congratulations   

Thinking of you Cant Wait, hope it all goes well today


----------



## crazyspaniel

Just needed to share, after 6 1/2 long months a ff wants to come and see us!!!! Yipppieeee....
I know its only an initial interview and they are probably seeing other couples too so nothing may come of it but am going to celebrate the moment anyway    
This is a first for us so any advice would be gratefully received xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news crazy spaniel
Advice - be yourselves. Read and re-read the CPR and look for anything hidden or not. Talk about the issues and what you've looked into to help support either you or LO. You want to look keen but realistic. The fact they are coming to see you is very very positive.
X


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Skyblu - fabby day all round....hope today was equally as good. 


Cantwait - to hear your news!!!


Crazyspaniel - Graet news!   I'd second Gertie with CPR and questions. When we got a match I was very hesitant as other couples were involved ...so I totally understand!  Its such a difficult process .... and rather unfair on adopters!(good for the SW's and children to have a choice) I really hope this is the one for you    All the very best honey!!  Stay strong and focused on what you want.


Girls do any of you know where I will get a talking photo book for a LO of 2 years old? We need to make up an album ... and I know I read something on here recently! 


Noodles x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Thanks Gertie and Noodles x
Noodles you can get the tomy talking albums on Amazon and prob other places!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

What a lovely emotional post skyblu!! Sounds magical, I hope today was equally amazing  

Can't wait I hope your day has created all the same feelings of love and happiness. Can't wait to hear all about it!!  

Congratulations crazyspaniel, that sounds promising, keep us posted  

Love to you all!


----------



## liveinhope

Noodles we got our talking photo album on Amazon

Will keep my fingers crossed Crazy Spaniel


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Noodles tomy do a taking photo album think Argos have them. 

Xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Well girls, here's the update  

What a day, we are totally drained already   so terrified this morning but as soon as our LO came to the door with her FC and giggled at us I just melted. She is so adorable, was all bashful and shy at first then squealed "It's my Mammy and Daddy" while pointing at us and her photo book. She then decided she'd sit on DH's knee and browse through the book showing him the photos (as if he had never seen It before, lol) she's such a Daddy's girl already, just totally adores him. After playing with toys for a bit she then decided she'd show us the bathroom and how she uses the toilet and then decided it was a good idea to have an afternoon bath to show us how. She was just full of herself running around showing off her room and toys and just generally being a cheeky Charlie. What a little character, she's gonna fit in with us so well, total perfect match. We are knackered after a few hours with her so aren't underestimating how hard it's gonna be as well. 
She was all upset when we needed to leave and tried to pretend it wasn't happening but then jumped up and snuggled us. Lots of giggles and Mammy/Daddy's squealed around the house and cuddles all round. Don't think it could of gone better for our first meeting. Can't wait to get back in the morning.  😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😍😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍😃😍 xx


----------



## Arrows

Noodles,  we got 2 from Amazon and neither worked. Finally got one from Toysrus and it's been great!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Cant wait.........OMG

You must be so happy! It sounds like you have had a perfect day  

Enjoy spending time with your little girl x


----------



## GERTIE179

Can't wait - what a wonderful first meet xxx


----------



## skyblu

Can't Wait - Fantastic news  It is so heart warming isn't and when they call you mummy and daddy, you feel like pinching yourself because you have waited soooo long to hear those words. I am so pleased today went so well for you both.
Have an early night as day 2 is more full on but wonderfull. 

DAY 2 update:
Well today started with a grumpy monkey, I couldn't do anything for the first 10 min and all she wanted was fm  lots of tears and no's.
Surprising what a cup of water,rice cake and pumpkin seeds can do, oh and playdo, within a few min she was putty in my hands and all was well again(phew). Today went so well we even took her out for a few hrs in the car and then a play in a park were she fell asleep on the swing,lol. I was even allowed to change her nappy with no problems at all. Even though it my not sound it but I took a step back today as dh did'nt really get a look in yesterday and before we had lunch she was happy as larry sitting on daddies lap having a story.
Can't believe how well she is doing,if tomorrow is as good as today we will take out again tomorrow and stay until bedtime.

Congrats on a possible match crazy spaniel.
Noodles we got our Tommy talking book from amazon and lo loves it, our la are now recomending people using them as they do a fantastic job for little tots.

Till tomorrow girls

Skyblu.xxx


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## Mrs Thomas

Skyblu - just gate crashing here to say so thrilled with how things are going. Tried to pm you to wish good luck but your inbox is full Hun xxx


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## newmum

Can't wait what a fabulous first meeting, your story sounds lovely and makes me even more excited about meeting ours LO (though we have to be approved first and matched a long time off) 

Sky blu glad your day went well and thanks for the recommendation of the book, have fun tomorrow

Congratulations crazy spaniel on your possible match

Hi everyone 

Nm2b x


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## Flash123

Skyblu and cantwait - what are you doing to me girls? Fanbloodytastic posts. Ive had a poop day and you've made me go all goose pimply again. Can't wait to her all about tomorrow xxx

Hey mrs t fancy seeing you here. Anyway you are gonna be tempted over here to the dark side lol . Luvs ya chick xxxx


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## Marley49

Skyblu and can't wait - what fantastic posts - can't wait to hear the next stages! Good luck for tomorrow! X


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## VEC

Skyblu and Cantwait blooming yippee!  Congratulations and enjoy every precious moment. 
Martha x


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## Poppets Mammy

Needing some reassurance guys, come home from day 2 and sobbed my heart out  

LO is bonding great with DH but is almost rejecting me. I know it's early days and I keep reminding myself how confused she must be and to not take it to heart, but it's so difficult and emotional I can't help it. Daddy is getting lots of cuddles and interest and was allowed to take her to the toilet, after she rejected Mammy in the bathroom and went very withdrawn. She has moments of being very quiet and is obviously trying to process everything and I just feel so sad for her. Sometimes she'll sit on my knee or hold my hand when showing me something, and other times she squirm to get away from my cuddle or pull her hand away. She doesn't do this with DH and always runs to Daddy. I'm very thankful she's bonding with him so well but it's breaking my heart when she doesn't want Mammy. She calls her FC Mammy as well so that's very confusing for her, and everyone is trying to encourage her to call her by her name and will say 'no that's your Mammy now' but bless her it's 2nd nature and she's grown up with her as her Mammy and I'm essentially a stranger. 

Some advise or reassurance or just any reply is gratefully received. I'm in such turmoil and poor DH feels guilty and is at a loss with trying to reassure me and keeps telling me to focus on the positives of the day - which there was really. It's just so so so hard, don't think you can ever be prepared for it.


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Oh can't wait. Sending you lots of hugs. As you said it's lots for her to process. We were told on prep course that it is really common to reject mummy initially. Give her time and don't beat yourself up. Take care xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Have had no internet for a couple of days and have missed so much. 
Can't wait I can really understand how hard it must be you have so much love to give her and she just needs to catch up with you. She will it will just take time.

I am no expert but here are my views. 
A lot of children have a gender preference as well. I know two of mt nephews do (one for male one for female.) So on new meetings will automatically gravitate to one gender but it doesn't last it is just when people are new. 

Also she will be confused and have loyalty to FM. If she doesn't have a FF or a particularly close relationship with FF she won't feel the same guilty / confusion when bonding to DH. She will move on from this but again it will take time once she is home she will settle better having you both in close proximity will be hard. 

Also some people just have a personality that children automatically are drawn to. My DH is like this so I know I will face the same situation as you. With everyone's kids we look after I do all the practical stuff and look after them but they all worship DH. I think it is his calm persona that makes them feel reassured. Sending loads of


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## Poppets Mammy

Thanks guys, we were told she'd never had a 'Daddy' before and to be prepared as she was very excited by the idea and will take to him quickly. She bloody adores him though, proper Daddy's girl already.
I worry for her, I'm finding it emotionally straining already and just want everything to go as smoothly as possible to make it easier for her to move. It's so difficult not to look into it too much, keep reminding myself it's still early days and she's so young and understandably confused. Just hope she'll accept me a bit more tomorrow and let me do things for her and not push me away.
Also I wore black today, think maybe I looked too 'official', will try to look more colourful and fun tomorrow - don't know how, I live in Navy & black, lol.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

She will bond to you I think it is definitely the lack of father figure that means she is more interested but I can imagine how hard it must be.  
You are doing a great job and letting her have the space she needs at times to work it all out it must be overwhelming for such a little head. Just take it one day at a time and try to focus on the progress each day so great she let me do X and Y today twice more than yesterday. I am sure each day will get more relaxed x x


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## newmum

Hi Can't wait I can't give too much advice but just wanted to say keep doing what your doing sounds like your doing a great job it must be so over whelming and confusing for LO and that fact she's never had a Daddy before could explain why she had taken to your DH so quickly. Stay positive and I like the idea of bright fun clothes though like me my wardrobe is mostly black! Good luck for tomorrow and soon you will be looking back at today and seeing how far you've come x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

It's brilliant to be hearing so many great stories!  CW, wow, you go girl and as others say, take each day one at a time.

Um... 2 weeks after panel, we have been visited by our SW, she brought a picture and profile!!!  I can't believe it.  It's a single when we had been going for a pair, but it seems too good an opportunity to pass up..  She's going to talk to LO's Family Finding SW and see if she agrees to meet us...   There is a lot of ground work to do before we get a positive match but things look good from first impressions! I nearly fainted when I saw the picture!  He's a bonny wee boy of almost 2... HELP!


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## snapdragon

Cant wait that must be hard. My lo was the opposite bonding to me much more. I don't know if you are taking adoption leave and your husband going back to work bu this will change things and she will bond more with you more then. Things have improved a lot with my husband though but it has taken time. At first he would only sit on my knee, then he would sit on my husbands but only if I was out of the room. Now he will sometimes choose to sit with my husband instead of me but that has taken a couple months.


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## nutmeg

Sounds promising Auntie Katie   

Skyblu - so pleased things are going well.

Cant Wait - I agree with the points Gwyneth made and as difficult as it is, it's only the 2nd time she's met you and you have a lifetime together    As you say there will be lots of confusion between her mammies and she will be feeling guilty and confused. She may well be more familiar with you when you go out tomorrow. Hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you (())


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Auntie katie I am recrossing all fingers and toes x x


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## crazyspaniel

Sending hugs CW xx


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## GERTIE179

Can't wait - the bonding will come. Probably more when she is home and FC is not there. They need to bond to one of you first so the lack of father figure will make it easier for DH. My little man bonded with DH first but as play etc. when cuddles, reassurance, personal care it was me he bonded to and now he has made good progress with both of us but he is definitely getting more sukey with me but relationship with DH is still going great. Just keep as you are and rest assured it will come.

Hugs G xx


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## liveinhope

Definitely crossing everything Auntie Katie.  We were similar to you in that we were approved for 2 children but one little boy of nearly 2 was suggested!  That wonderful little boy has been home with us for nearly a year now and life is good!  Has its ups and downs of course but we wouldnt be without him for the world!

No wise words CW other than to persevere, it will happen.  Our LO didnt really attach to either of us until around a week into introductions but things are fine now.  Keep smiling


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## Mummy Noodles!

Cant Wait - my heart goes out to you! It's not easy eh? But you are getting there. Tiny little steps towards each others heart. It's HUGE for your LO.... but yes so difficult for you. Try not to expect....and I am certain all will be well. Keep smiling - you're doing Great!!!  


Noodles XX


PS   for tomorrow


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## Poppets Mammy

Thanks everyone for your support, having some time to reflect with DH on today's events and wise words from yourselves and loved ones has made me feel better. I can't wait to see her tomorrow, roll on bed time so I can sleep until the morning (hopefully ill get some sleep tonight). Tomorrow is another day and more time to bond - can't wait 😃😍😃 xx


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## Flash123

Auntiekatie I have absolutely everything crossed for you. I hope you hear from your sw really, really soon xx

Cantwait I can only echo the fantastic words of advice you have already received. Like the ohers have said I really think not having a daddy before would make a tremendous difference at first but that special bond with you will form in no time. keep doing what you are doing and have a fab day tomorrow xx


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## skyblu

OH Can't wait, I really feel for you., but as the others have said, give her time.

I cant believe what I am going to say next, I just hope this is normal.................here goes,
Lo is fantastic, she is good with both of us but still tends to go to fm when upset, problem is she has no boundaries no routine and basically do what she wants when she wants. We were supposed to do bed time routine tonight, she had her supper let us bath her and then tried to settle her in her bed but no that wasn't going to happen as that is not what she is used to, she settles her self on the sofa and is really down to her to sleep when she is ready and then carried to bed. by 9.00 she was still awake!!!!!!!!!!!!! we left then as we have got be back tomorrow morning at 7.30am. On the way home we were both quite and we are beging to question whether we can do this, I know she just needs time and routine but there is so much going on in our heads. I just know what to do.
Did any of you question wether you could do this, we have been a two some for 18 yrs is it just a case of a shock to the system or is it a case of if we are thinking this now is it a case it is not for us. I feel awful, I actually feel sick to the stomach I know we want a family but my god I can't believe we feel like this after wanting it for so long. 
Someone please help.

SKYBLU.XXX


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## Flash123

What a numpty...I forgot to post my question !
Next week our matching meeting between our sw, lo's sw and his ff is taking place. Can anyone tell me what happens during 1 of these. The appt with his medicals are booked and we have a date for matching panel. we had correspondence from lo's sw that they are keen to proceed on the night of our linking meeting so I am a bit unsure what happens next. What's the next hurdle to worry about lol


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## Frangipanii

Skyblu. I can only  speak from my heart and not from experience so sorry for that. I think u need to remember u have been through So many emotions and it has been a long day and it is scary. Take a moment to digest it all and talk it through with your dh. U were not wrong that you wanted a family anyone can read that. U were not imagining yourselves as a family for no reason you are you and you take all this very seriously which is why instead of locking these thoughts away in your mind you are questioning them and your future. and lady that is the right thing to do. U will know in your heart what you want. U need to get your mind to settle down and let yourself breathe. Take solace in the knowledge that you are wise and loving and you want the best foreveryone. And that you will make the right decision. Love is not a button, so dont expect it to have been switched on immediately. Sorry for the lack of direction but  I will be thinking of you with much love. xxx


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## Flash123

Skyblu, I didn't see you post till after I had posted. I know I can't give any first hand experience of intros but I hope to god that what your feeling is natural because I am feeling the same. You are bound to be scared, it's the most natural feeling in the world considering how huge this is. If you weren't scared I would say something was amiss . As you say you and dh gave been a 2 some for so long you can't imagine life any different . I remember rowing with dh during one of our treatments and questioning if I really wanted a baby or was it just because up until that point I couldn't get pregnant and i had to prove i could. I made the quest more important than the end result.

At the moment you are in a strangers house, following a strangers routine (or lack of!!!) in the most unnatural environment you will ever experience. This week is nothing like what your life as a family of 3 will be like, it's simply a means to an end. Try it remember the utter look of shock, awe and sometimes hysteria you see on a new mums face - at the moment you are that new mum lol   Except you have a little person, with her own thoughts, own wants and own ideas not a little one that sleeps most of day (and cries most of the night) it is tough but it is going to be so worth it when you get her into your way of doing things and hold your baby n your arms, in your home. Be kind on yourself and take care xxx


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## superal

Skyblu & Can't wait...hugs to you both...........I've been there and can really sympathise..........I know its a long time ago since we adopted our 2 but your post Can't wait really hit home with me as when we were doing contacts with our DS he also attached really quickly to my DH an dnot me.  I also left one night crying and wondering what on earth was wrong with me!  Glad to say there was nothing wrong with me and as the others have said it was down to our DS not having a porper father figure in his life and also he saw me as his 3rd Mummy.  Just be kind to yourself and you'll find that the next day is a different day and things will seem a lot better and I always say a good cry really helps!
Skyblu...............being in a strangers house is really hard and yes its just been the 2 of you for so long and everything you are experiencing is normal........I would just say go with the flow and once you have your LO home with you then its time to introduce things slowly into your LOs life for the way you would like things to be done.


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## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu   if you had seen me a few hours earlier you'd of laughed. We are having very different but also very similar experiences. Intro's are sooooooooooooo hard aren't they, everything is different to how we imagine it will be, it's so emotional and draining. I think we both need to give ourselves a break. We are becoming Mammys to 2yr old girls, they will have their own little personalities and own opinions and routines etc based on their life so far. It will be different to how we want it to be, everyone parents differently. I'm sure once she's home and you get your own stamp on things she's adapt to life as how you would have it. But until then it's such a hard slog and a huge shock to the system. It's really hard, I know I've already said that but it really is. I don't think anything can ever prepare us for it. Have a glass on wine, reflect of the positives of the day and sleep sleep sleep and see what tomorrow brings. I feel much better after having some medicinal wine and a good chat with DH. Hope you do to


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## Poppets Mammy

Thank you superal   xx


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## skyblu

Thank you so much for your replies Flash,and Fran, i hope i didn't scare you off the idea.
I sobbed my heart out when I received your replies, it meant so much, so thank you again.
I think I might be feeling like this because, it is a big decision this is a lo's life and ours and i wouldn't want to damage her any more than she has been. 2. I'm hormonal and i dint cope very well with the time off month and 3. we are in someone else's house were their way is totally unrealistic to how it would be in our house.4. I'm knackered.
Am in the wrong thinking that a 2 yr old should be going down in her own bed with a story at no later than 7-7.30pm?

Hope tomorrow we will feel better.

Thank you girls.

Skyblu.xxx

Thank you also superal and Can't wait, just saw your post before I was posting this one.xxx


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## VEC

Hope it's okay if I post in response to Skyblu and Can't Wait.

Skyblu - although it's not entirely what we achieve here   I think you are perfectly normal in wanting your little girl in bed by 7 pm ish.  And in her own bed, not on the sofa.  I suspect that there might be some resistance from your LO when you get her home and start doing things rather differently, but I also suspect that she'll be a happier and more settled little girl very shortly.  Giving a two year old carte blanche for sorting out her own bedtime just suggests FC who don't have time to dedicate to her bedtime.  One of the ways you will demonstrate your love for her is by introducing her to routines that work for the three of you as a family, and by dedicating time to settling her into these routines.  Her arrival will have a huge impact on you as a couple, and I think that however a child arrives in its family, the first year is a huge shock to the system because each of you goes through such big adjustments, during which people frequently question whether they've done the right thing.  But that first year is full of big ups as well as exhausting downs, and once you have all settled in, I'd guess that even as you question yourselves at times, you will know that EVERY good parent questions whether it is doing the right thing, it is part of what makes them good parents.

Can't wait - just wanted to say that on top of your daughter not having previously had a father figure in her life, my experience is also that children often feel they have to try harder to please their fathers, whereas they KNOW they can rely on their mothers.  Without wishing to make generalisations, and despite having a DP who is very engaged with our children, in our case at least, I address my children's needs without prompting, whereas DP is quite a lot slower, and so when they want his attention, the children have to try a lot harder.  It may be a little early for this to be the case with your LO, but even from an early age there were times (particularly with our DD) that my DP was the bees' knees and I was just the mother.  It WILL improve, and will no doubt swing the other way to the point that your DH gets upset at times because she wants only you.  

Huge hugs to you both.  I hope it goes more smoothly tomorrow.  Things will be very different once they're home.

Martha xx


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## snapdragon

Skyblu you can do it. We are 2 months in with lo of the same age at placement. It takes time to establish your routines and we had to make some changes. Bedtime for our lo is 7.30. He doesn't always go down easily and will often stand straight back up when we put him in his cot bed but if we leave him he settles quite quickly. At one point we were getting him up if he started crying but when we decided to just leave him we only had crying for the first night (not for very long) followed by throwing his blanket and teddies out for about 4 nights and then he was fine. It will take time to change that routine but I would move quite quickly to going up to bed for stories etc and then putting her down a lot earlier.  My lo was given a chocolate biscuit first thing every morning which I just couldn't go along with.


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## beachgirl

Skyblu, just had to reply to your post....it could almost have been me last year.....our 8 month old had no routines at all...FC told us they had but it soon became clear by adding 2 +2 that routine caused inconvenience to FC's and family...many times we told LO back ready for bed only to be told they'd get a second wind and let the tv carried on being played at 100 decibels and lights on full...of course they would wake up and then we'd be there like you till gone 9pm thinking how on earth can we do this...

FF three months plus and LO is now in a decent routine here with us, took some work but normally bed by 7.30 along with getting up around 6ish plus two daytime naps....


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## liveinhope

Sky blu, I could really resonate with what you wrote! Our LO was their only foster child and they tended to baby him.  He would throw food from his high chair but they didnt challenge him over it.  He didnt settle at night and would scream so he was brought downstairs again. If he didnt get his own way he would scream until he was sick.  Quite a handful at times. The 3rd day he was home he had a tantrum about something that lasted all day - not surprising now when you think about it, considering the upheaval he had just gone through.  We were advised not to contact our support networks as it was supposed to be just us and DS at that point.  When we finally got him settled at the end of the day I was in floods of tears and I rang my mum and said I thought DH would want to send DS back (ridiculous thought know!) due to his behaviour!  As things turned out DS behaviour has calmed down a lot, he is generally in our routine although when he is unsettled, sleep is the first thing to go!  All in all he is a delightful little boy.  Stick with it, it is early days and things will improve over time!  

Lots of love to you all xxx


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## GERTIE179

Skyblu - been there and echo everyone's comments. I've pm'd you too
Hugs - intros are damn hard even with great FCs and good routines. Without them that it is doubly hard but kids love routines and boundaries and actually promotes the relationship so think of your routine and get as close to that. You can always mirror the going to sleep being there on waking during a day nap (she will have one if u have her all day)
X


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## Anjelissa

Big hugs for skyblu and Can't Wait   

skyblu...you are totally right for wanting her to have a routine, that's a huge part of what helps a lo to feel safe and secure with their care giver, not least as they will know what comes next at any point of the day rather than a muddle of randomness and chaos!
At first it will feel in great conflict with what you know is the best way to start things off eg, trying to keep the routine as close to fc's in the early days, but you can still do that and gently tweak things until she is finally in a nice routine.
Although the things we didn't agree with in our little man's routine weren't as severe as yours I think most adoptive parents will have experienced this to some degree. 
Intros are really hard (we had quite a difficult experience with ours so I really feel for you  ), it does get easier I promise and however hard the first couple of months will be (and they will be exhausting), you will notice day by day that things are calming and slowly a nice rhythm and routine will fall into place.
It's only natural to doubt yourself, what you are doing is a HUGE change to life as you know it for both of you but you CAN do it!
Everything is heightened atm as in addition to everything else, you will feel you are being judged and also having to dance to someone else's tune in their home. It will all take time and I think most people will agree even once intros are over the first few months are hard but it does get easier I promise.
I hope you can be reassured that it is true by the amount of us who have said those words at one point or another on here.  
It's both an exhausting and extremely emotional time for you all and it will take time for you to bond as a family and fall into a comfortable routine but there will be a point not too far in the future where you will have a 'moment' and it may even just be following a tiny breakthough eg in her routine or something, but it will be a sudden realisation that things WILL be ok and that you CAN and ARE doing it   

Can't Wait....a lot of the above is to you too, but I just wanted to add in that we experienced similar to you with our lo and dh, I'll pm you later as I've run out of time   

Lots of love to you both and your dh's at what is probably one of the most difficult and emotional experiences that you will have ever gone through   

Love Anj x x


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## daisy0609

I just wanted to say that after being to the panel for the second time we have been approved to adopt!
I can't imagine the feelings that everyone is going through but it amazes me the fact that everyone rallies round at a time like this in support of everyone and I hope that someday I can do the same for someone else
Xxx


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## liveinhope

Congratulations Daisy!  Hope you are not waiting too long for your child/ren


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## Duckling

On quickly to send huge     To Skyblu and Can't Wait. In my opinion intros are one of the hardest things you can go through. Not in any way do I mean to put anyone off by saying that, but my friend who also adopted says it's our equivalent of childbirth! And I agree! But it IS worth it I promise.
Skyblu once you get your daughter home and slowly start doing things your way you will feel so much better. You are existing in unnatural conditions that put a terrible strain on you.   
Can't Wait in my opinion the lack of male figure is a huge factor. Even now ds makes more of a fuss of men. I was lucky in that the FC was a lot older than me (and I'm no spring chicken   ) so in that way I was a bit of a novelty. But we are so close now and it comes with time.   


Daisy HUGE CONGRATULATIONS !!
Sorry no more personals. Hi to everyone.
Duckling xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations Daisy glad it has sorted this time x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi I am doing prep in June so we should be working on very similar time scales. I think with ages be open minded get the information and make a decision at the time. 
With regards to age of kids the older they are the more of a known entity they are which has advantages. No one can really give you any kind of promises about how an under 2 will or won't develop. However there can be negatives too. I guess .it just depends as well what kind of relationship you want between DD and new sibling/s. DD may well be 11 by the time you are matched and a ten year age gap leads to a very different kind of relationship. I am from a big family so have siblings who are 5, 3, 6 and 10 years different in age to me. There is 15 years from the oldest to the youngest so they only actually lived under the same roof for 3 years and never had much shared experience. I know that the oldest sometimes felt upset and that she wasn't of as much importance to the youngest as the rest of us. However I am 10 years older than the youngest and he has and always will be my baby. We have a really special bond - somewhere between sibling and parental really. 

Sorry to waffle just a bit of food for thought really. Good luck looking forward to hearing your posts xx


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## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Daisy, fantastic news  

Skyblu - I hope your feeling better today and had a more positive experience    

AFU - 1stly Thank you for all your support, reassurance and advise for both me and Skyblu. I echo Daisy's praise  
We have had the most fantastic day, totally different from yesterday. She was so happy to see us this morning and we both got lush cuddles. Mammy got much more attention today, Daddy still got a lot of cuddles and fuss made of him, but I got perhaps a bit more then him today. Been out and about in our car - she was good as gold in her new car seat and thought Daddy driving was hilarious. Foster carer came with us but was just in the background and let us get on with it and it worked really well, we were pretty much independent with her today with just a few moments of needing to check in with foster carer for a few seconds of reassurance then we were off again. She even did a wee wee for Mammy (with a bit bribery mind you   but a breakthrough none the less) feeling so upbeat today, just hope tomorrow is just as positive. Poor poppet is shattered as she isn't sleeping with all the fuss and confusion and apparently was up through the night asking questions about it all - bless her   BUT we are getting there, we are making good progress and are totally smitten with her, she's such a joy despite how confused she must be 😍😊😍😊😍😊 xxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad CW x x


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## Anjelissa

Congratulations Daisy!  
Lots of luck for a short wait   
Anj x


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## Mummy Noodles!

Skyblue - hope you are okay honey. Many hugs   Keep on going - you have come this far and it WILL be fine   


Cantwait - fabby day today - well done! 


So lovely to read both your experiences. We are starting intros mid May and reading these i am terrified!!!!(In a good way)   


Love to you both. Sorry no other mentions - I am obsessed by Intros. at the mo!!!   


Noodles XX


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## oliver222

Congrats Daisy.

Cant wait glad you had a good day today. 

Skyblue hope you are doing okay and today has been an easier day for you,


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## skyblu

Thank you all for all your lovely mesages.
I do feel a lot better tonight, today was still a bit tough as I really wasn't feeling that well but lo is relay a star, it is just the bloody routine she is in 
When we got there this morning she was still asleep and didn't wake until 8.00am which is unheard of apparently.
when she woke I was the first person she saw and smiled and said "my mummy". Melts your heart doesn't it.
We have been taking her out in the car from day 2 and she is rearing to go and never has asked for FM or ff which is great.
We do her supper and bath time routine which she loves and then it just goes A bit tits up as we can see she is tired but just wont settle.
We gave her bath earlier tonight and then had a little play and we left at 6.00 and when fc phoned about 7.00 to say we have forgotten something she said she fell asleep within 10 min of us leaving which again doesn't happen often. We reckon it is because we are taken her out and getting fresh air otherwise the only time she goes out is to take the other children to school and back.
Any way day off tomorrow to recharge our battries and then she is coming to our home for a few hrs on Sunday and then we are going to take her to the beach with our dog, take her back for 5 .00pm do supper and bathtime( we have told our SW we are not staying to do bedtime routine as it is too late and they are fine with it as she has shown she has a great attachment to us which is why we are taking her to our home for a few hrs a day early). Back Monday morning to pick her up to come to our house for a few hrs then back for supper and bathtime and then Tuesday she comes home and stays.
She is a happy and loving child but has too many choices.
Oh my, how her little life is going to change, but hopfully for the better.

Can't Wait, so pleased today was a better day for you 

Congrats Daisy.

Noodles, so sorry if my post has terrified you a bit, but I think it is good for you to know that intros can be difficult so you know what you are letting yourself in for, but not all intros are the same, some are worse some are brilliant. Our lo in fairness has formed a good attachment and will come to me when she is upset it is just a case of being in someone else's house going by their routine/ or lack of in this case and the nightmare of going to bed otherwise she is a darling.

Again Thank you everyone for your great support it has been a great help to myself and DH

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## newmum

Congratulations Daisy fab news hope your not waiting too long for your LO. A second panel why was that if you don't mind me asking?



Can't Wait glad you had a good day today it's lovely to hear how you are getting on, I and DH (when I read snippets to him) are learning so much from you and sky blu intro updates thank you so much for sharing your experiences if really helps 

Sky blu great to read your post today sounding more positive and how exciting LO will spend time at your own home on Sunday and Sunday of all days how fitting as its Mothers Day. You've got a few nice days plan then Tuesday your LO will be home, I look forward to reading your story.


Nm2b x


----------



## Sq9

Big    to sky blu and can't wait and thank you so much for sharing your experiences.  Will hopefully make me more realistic and aware of what to expect when ( ) we are at that stage.  You are amazing.
Congrats too to daisy.
Hope everyone else is ok.
Xx


----------



## oliver222

Skyblue ready glad that today was better. Its nice to read intros good and bad as gives us all in idea of things to come. My refrences got their letters today and got forms to get medical booked. Nice to see things finally moving in right direction.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Oliver 222 - You're making progress   



Cograts Daisy....have a great celebratory weekend!

Sky Blue and Cant Wait - have a fabulous weekend with your LO's'' Mummy!!   


Sky Blue I am fine ... as our intros aren't till May Ive got too much time to think! And over think.....  


So tired this weekend from partying for a whole week!!! Still have people phoning and texting - I can only imagine what it will be like when we bring the LO home! Lock the doors me thinks   


Noodles xx


----------



## bluedreams

Wow so much has happened! Congrats Skyblu and Cant wait, glad to hear things are going well in you introduction even if challenging at times.  Huge hugs and congrats again as I've not stopped smiling since reading your comments  

Congrats to Daisy and Crazyspaniel and your news too, keep us up to date.

As for me we've got our initial visit booked in now with one LA and we're just waiting for a phone call from another. Very excited! Downloaded that book peeps have suggested - what to expect when you're adopting! very informative, definitely would recommend to everyone starting out or thinking about it. x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Happy Mother's Day to all the new mummies hope you have an amazing day. 

And happy Mother's Day to all us mummies in waiting hopefully this time next year we'll all be getting spoilt by our lo's 

Big hugs today
Lots of love
Emma xxxxx


----------



## Doubleprincesstrouble

Just wanted to say, I can remember how hard mothers day can be when you are wishing you were a mother. 
Hugs to everyone who is still waiting.


----------



## Marley49

Happy Mothers Day everyone..


----------



## oliver222

Have a lovely mothers day to all you new mums and to all the rest of us hopefully will be our turn next year.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Happy Mothers Day all and to those to be (impatiently waiting  ) ! And esp. to Sky Blue and Cant wait - it's official you are "MUMMY"!!!    


Love Noodles xx


----------



## skyblu

Happy Mothers Day Ladies, to you all who are waiting.....................it does happen 
I didn't think this time last year I would ever be able to have a mothers day.
Today has been wonderfull.
Had a little lady running up to me this morning shouting Mummy, blah blah blah mummy day it took a while for me to realize what she had said as she was so excited she couldn't get her words out. bless.
I now have a cup with "I LOVE MY MUMMY " on it and a mothers day card.
We took her to the beach to meet the dog and they got on really well, as it was windy and cold we came away a bit earlier than planned and took her to a near by park which she loved. When we got back to our house she was asleep, and I thought great the SW will be here in half an hour and she is a sleep , sorted. Huh, Madam woke up as soon as I put her in the cot ( we brought her cot and bed clothes and some of her toys home on Friday so she would be able to see her things in her bedroom) She looked around and pointed and shouting "mine,mine mine" happy as Larry she was, she played with her toys with daddy while i made her lunch and just as I was putting her in her chair the head of sw's came to observe, it went like a dream it is as if she has allways been there, even the sw said she just fit's doesent she and if it was down to me she would be staying tonight, wow.

FC's took her for a day trip on Saturday and said they also think she is ready to stay as they can't settle her anymore as she asks for her mummy or daddy and they had a tough time on Saturday when she got tired or upset.
Anyway all is going great another day at her new home tomorrow and then she will be home for good on Tuesday.

Hope all is going well for you Can't Wait, when do you bring lo home?

Night night ladies
Skyblu.xx xx


----------



## Iagocat

Have already found strength from finally finding somewhere with positive messages regarding adoption - was starting to despair over Adoption UK! 

Anyway, DH and I are 3 weeks away from finally meeting our son, who's 18 months old. We are so excited after so many years of just being the 2 of us. We never went down the IVF route after some dreadful fertility treatment before that. Adoption has been a long process - added to by moving from our home of 10 years to London and starting all over again!

Had a lovely email from the FC today to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and a photo of our LO smiling happily. Have spent most of the weekend spending a fortune trying to get everything ready but the type of weekend DH and I have longed for.

Enough from me for now - just wanted to say 'Hello!'


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - your post made me laugh as your day sounded very similar to mine .  . . Well how it started anyway. 
Our LO came to our house today for 1st time as well, I was greeted by a house plant and hand made Mother's Day card carried by our LO, then she was happy as larry running about exploring. We also went to the beach to meet our dogs but it was too windy and cold to stay but luckily she took to them straight away and asked them to come home with us which wasn't the plan but we did it and they got cuddled and played with all afternoon. My mam n dad had the dogs at the beach so got to meet her and had a sneaky cuddle instigated by LO, although she didn't know who they were - think she was just happy they had brought the dogs, lol.
Anyway the day ended in tears, I managed to upset her over something trivial (in my eyes but obviously not hers) she got all upset and had a massive tantrum. I was then all upset that I had caused it and all the confusion she is suffering bubbled to the surface. She's doing really well overall but is so very attached to foster carer that it's being very hard work transferring the care to us. She's so confused its heart breaking for everyone. The foster carer is amazing and doing brilliant work, but there's only so much her little head can process. I'm shattered from lack of sleep/appetite and well just crying. Such hard work. 

Glad you had a wonderful day


----------



## Macgyver

Wow Gwyneth
I would love 3 but I dont think the other half would be able to cope with 3  
He is an only child where I am one of 5, so I would be ok.  Thats why we decided on 2.
Cant believe Panel is only 2 weeks away.   
The social worker has seen 1 reference, (My sister) and seeing 2 more this week    everything goes ok.
I dont think I can fit anymore    in my stomach.


----------



## MummyPea

How exciting!

Hubby and I have just finished our prep course. Just waiting to be assigned a SW so we can start HS! Having a LO home seems a very long way off!



xx


----------



## HannahLou

How lovely lagocat!! We are 4 weeks from panel, how long did you have to wait for your match?


----------



## MummyPea

Hannah, you're going to Panel on our wedding anniversary!!! Good luck xxx


----------



## Iagocat

Thanks JesP and HannahLou.

DH and I made our first enquiry in Feb 2011. Then went to the information session in May '11. Prep course was Sept '11. Home study didn't start until January '12.  Finally got to approval panel in July '12! Having said this, we weren't blessed with the most organised or efficient SW so we both feel it was a more drawn out process than it needed to be! 

We found our little boy's profile in November '12, although because he lives far from us, his SW wasn't initially keen to make the visit. Finally persuaded her and his family finder. An hour after their visit at the start of January we had been linked and had matching panel last week. 

It sounds like such a long time and it has been but I know that the time now is flying by with so much to do! We can't wait.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I know what you mean I've spent 7 years training DH and convincing him  that more kids = more fun. He's great with kids. Think he'd prefer 2 but is staying open minded. The other option we'd consider is going for another 2 once the first 2 were settled at school. 

So excited for you that you're so close to panel amazing well done x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Much better day today 😃 had our LO all day, she has been really happy and settled at home. Shes so wonderful and quirky - It's taking time to get to know her and understand her little ways of doing things but we are getting there, think we've had a really successful day over all. She thought she was home for good today and couldn't understand where we were taking her in her PJ's after bath time and got all upset and was just full of why questions. One very confused little girl. Was awful seeing her upset and not wanting to leave but very reassuring that she thinks of here as home now. Her social worker came to visit today and was very pleased with how settled she was and said she has never seen her chit chat so much. We've got a review meeting tomorrow and she'll be home for good Wed. We are not looking forward to Wed night as no doubt it will be the 1st of many unsettled nights but after today I think she'll settle quicker than 1st thought.


----------



## gettina

Congratulations iagocat
It sounds like you have had to look out for yourselves - and your little boy! 
Keep us posted. Exciting times ahead!
Gettina x


----------



## gettina

Goosebumps here due to the pair of you skyblu and can't wait   
The progress from adults and littlies alike is amazing to read about.

Hello everyone. 
Gettina x


----------



## skyblu

Can't Wait, so pleased all is going well  Like you we are also dreading tomorrow night when lo will be staying for good. Me thinks there is going to be a few sleepless nights 
Like you lo had her bath at home tonight and then going back in her pj's was a bit confusing for her. Trying to keep her awake for the forty minute journey was a nightmare we were signing "wheels on the bus" trying to keep her awake but we failed and it was only 4.30pm so I don't think fp will have an early night tonight. whoops.

Lo SW came round to our house today and says she already sees a massive change in her, she has colour on her cheeks and she just seems so settled. She met grandma today which is against the rules, but she was sleeping in the car and thought it wouldn't do any harm. Five minutes later she woke up and was happy so just went with the flow and she loved grandma and her new chair and teapot to back to her new home.
Review meeting tomorrow morning then back to pick lo up and then it is home forever. It is going to be emotional as there are other children involved and fc are really upset that she is going but also pleased how well she has taken the change.

Off to bed now as I want to have an early night as I don't think I am going to get one for a while.

How is your lo's bedtime routine Can't wait?

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah good luck for tomorrow sky hope it is as trauma free as possible and FP don't get too emotional. X x


----------



## GERTIE179

Sky blu & Can't Wait - good luck for today
X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu your posts really make me laugh coz your experiences are so similar to us. We were singing nursery rhymes in the car on the way back to foster carers and failed equally at keeping her awake, she is always asleep in her new car seat, seems to love it  
She has a bed time routine as in she has a bath, PJs on, cuddle on sofa with her blanky and glass of milk, she twiddles with who Evers cuddling hers hair while she falls asleep 😍 but it depends on whether she falls asleep on sofa and is carried to bed or she sometimes asks to go to bed and is taken. There's no set procedure or time with it. Don't know how we will get her to sleep, she's already telling us she wants to sleep in our bed which we are adamant isn't gonna happen. May need to resort to letting her fall asleep on the sofa and carry her to bed is she doesn't settle in her new bed. Dreading the next few nights like but it will settle down eventually - I have to keep telling myself that, lol.
Good luck today, let us know how it goes  

Hello everyone else, sorry I'm a bit wrapped up in intro's at the min xx


----------



## Belliboo

Sky blu & can't wait enjoy bringing your babies home to their forever homes & hope it all goes well xx


----------



## LemonSponge

Congratulations Iagocat and what a lovely thought from the FC to wish you a happy mother's day. Little touches like that are a blessing. Enjoy your wonderful new family life x


----------



## Anjelissa

More hugs for skyblu and Can't Wait   
Reading between the lines in your posts you both seem to be seeing the light at the the end of the 'intro-tunnel'   
Hang in there, it's not much longer  
Lots of luck for 'coming home day'   

I think the best piece of advice is to expect the next couple of months to be hard and exhausting and know that it's totally normal, but also know that it does get easier and easier as time goes by and your relationships grow   .
Your lo's are going through such a huge event right now but so are you, it's best just to take baby steps little by little and you'll get through this huge life changing period together   
Second most important piece of advice is to sleep when you can, tiredness makes everything so much harder  , we did a few things 'tag-team' style eg/middle of the night wake-ups etc so that we didn't both get totally frazzled (we still got frazzled   , but just less so I think  ).
I'm on a roll now, lol  .....third piece of advice, get out and about every day (weather permitting) even if it's just for a little walk around the block as 'cabin fever' just adds to the stress.

I could go on and on  ......but should be getting ready for my medical  (2nd adoption one) so must dash.......

Anj x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Review meeting done - She comes home for good tomorrow morning. We are having an afternoon off as her LA encourages the last afternoon to be a 'goodbye' afternoon with the Foster carers. We are glad of it as we are gonna have some 'us' time and get all sorted for her arrival tomorrow. But it is not working out as being beneficial for LO, she's really confused and angry and just doesn't want to be at the foster carers now, all her stuff is here, she's bored there and her little mind is ticking over and she's just upset and well p**sed off with it all. We've been to see her and she just didn't know what was going on, took her to park to feed ducks which she really enjoyed but was very Clingy to DH, she just needs reassurance from him as she's so scared. She then kicked off in car seat going back to foster carers as I think she wanted to come home with us, she's all mixed up. We feel so sad for her but at least all that confusion will start to disappear tomorrow once she's home. She was full of questions and just wasn't able to understand why she had to wait until tomorrow to see her house and her dogs. We are gonna take her favourite dog with us in the morning to pick her up just to try and entice her into the car incase she's confused about where she's going again. These kids are such strong little things, they really are resilient and it's such a hard process for them. Dreading tomorrow but also can't wait, Eeeek   she's coming home xx


----------



## ChickenLegs

That sounds so wonderful, how exciting! Sorry your LO is having such a hard time, but it's great that it's because she's desperate to come home


----------



## crazyroychick

Hello ladies, how is everyone? 

Not really been posting much as didn't have much to say, you ladies all seem so much further on than us but am so excited got very last minute call today asking if we could start prep group tonight, just getting ready to leave, so nervous as not sure what to expect!

Tracy x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, how are you all? Can't wait and Skyblu - Wishing you both all the very best for bringing your LOs home. It must be exciting, scary, and everything in between. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences of introductions, it has been wonderful to follow your stories. Get some sleep tonight

We're still waiting for a link/match We went to an adoption exchange event last week and I can honestly say it was such a positive experience for us, we came away feeling enthused again. We met one of the family finders for our LA who was lovely and said he knew us well through our profile. He disclosed that we are being considered for 3 different LOs on his case load...all under 1 and one is 6 weeks old!!!!! We know of at least 6 other couples also being considered so its a waiting game. We also expressed an interest in 2 separate LOs from another LA so we are again hoping there may be some news? The waiting is excruciating but know that in the grand scheme of things its nothing really. We just hope that there is some positive news at some point in the (near) future. Anyway, I hope that you are all well and not too cold! x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Cant wait and Skyblu - thank you for all your intro updates, they're amazing! Skyblu I hope lo has settled in ok today, good luck with your first night as a forever mummy x Cant wait good luck tomorrow x Congratulations to you all x x x x

Greenie - glad you found the exchange day so positive, I was the same when we attendd! I hope you get your link soon x x 

Crazychick - enjoy prep!!! How long do prep groups last? X

Afm, I am now on countdown.....14 days left in work....having a weeks leave before mp  eeeek


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Can't wait and sky blu I just echo what everyone else has been saying, great to read your experiences and learn from them, keep them coming if your not too tired and busy over the next few weeks   

Crazy chic how did you get on? That was a nice surprise call

CWTBM wow 14 days left in work till matching panel eek indeed lol exciting times ahead, I wouldn't be able to concentrate in work lol

Well we've had an email from SW and all references interviews went well with no concerns. yeah so chuffed  

Nm2b x


----------



## GERTIE179

Ohh Greenie - that's exciting but I can imagine solo frustrating for you. Keeping everything crossed for you that one of LOs are the right one and home with you very soon.
X


----------



## VEC

Hi everyone

I just wanted to flag up that I've merged a few threads into the general adoption chat thread.  Sorry if they don't "flow" terribly well, but they all seemed to belong together.

Good luck everyone 

Martha x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Sky Blue and Can't wait - very best for tomorrow . My computer has crashed twice    so this is my last message.


Been thinking about you both a lot lately....as we have 2 months until intros with a 2year old LO!


Ive bee trying to learn from you both... but I guess you have to take it as it comes Ladies.


Really loved reading your diaries and looking fwd to more.


As I said all the best for a life at Home xx Remember to Enjoy (among all the other emotions) as this is YOUR time.   


Lots of love Noodles X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys, well she's home and asleep in her bed - after one hell of a battle and for how long who knows!?!

I know someone was recently (last few months) posting about adopting a little boy about 2yr old who had mentioned them putting their shoes and coat on and going to the front door wanting to go back to foster carers house. Snapdragon was it you?? I just want to know how long it lasted and how you dealt with it?? We've had a few upsets today from LO not understanding that she was now here to stay, had to sit her down with her introduction book and explain everything again. She then went and got her stuff and was crying at the door, bless her.

On the other hand she's been running riot all afternoon really testing the boundaries. It's so hard finding a happy medium where she's not getting away with being naughty and she understands the rules of the house without being too stern with her due to her being all confused and sad. Can really see the stages of grief in her behaviour, she's very expressive which is good in the long run, just hard now. Just wished I could fix it all for her. Xx


----------



## gettina

wish hugs could fix it for her and you can't wait. You sound v wise and calm! Well done. And I hope she sleeps lots....
X


----------



## snapdragon

Can't wait: yes it was me. The saying shoes and going to the door etc only lasted 2 days but there were difficult times for the first week.  We had some major tantrums. Things have got gradually better over time. For instance it was only 6 weeks in that lo would let me change his nappy or dress him without a struggle. All you can do is comfort them and to not worry too much in the early days. Don't worry too much at this stage with establishing boundaries, you can do that later. We were too worried about that in the early days. Things will get better. We are 8 weeks in now and I am only now establishing rules/boundaries etc.


----------



## liveinhope

We had a similar thing with our LO too, getting his coat and standing by the door.  But like others said, it stopped after a few days.  When he did it we reminded him that he was staying with us and gradually he stopped doing it.  It is still early days yet but I can understand the frustration on your part.  Even nearly a year on DS has occasional tantrums, and I wish I could make things better for him but I cant - just let him work through everything and it gets back to before.  Lots of love xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Had to pop on to tell you that today we became officially linked to a beautiful 7 month old aaarghhhhhh 

We still have to meet sw as its out of our area the sw chose us off our par and picture. 

We really can't believe it the last week has been an agonising wait for today but omg we can't believe it. 

Sorry it's an all about me post. 

Hugs to everyone

Lots of love xxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Congratulations Emma - pink or blue??
Enjoy being on cloud 9!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Blue  

So excited can't stop smiling


----------



## HRM

Congrats Emma!!!! Woooooohoooooooo!!! xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Emma, that's amazing news. Enjoy the celebrations  

Well, I can happily report that things have improved so significantly in 24hrs I can't quite believe it. LO slept all of last night, not a peep from her which is a miracle as she didn't sleep well at foster carers house so were expected a disturbed sleep pattern anyway despite the fact she was in a new place. She's been a total joy today, really well behaved, happy, playful. What an amazing and brave little girl. No asking to go back to foster carers, no shoes and coat at the door. A few times she see's or says something that reminds her what's happened and she gets upset, but we just talk to her and reassure her and she calms down and 'gets over it' quickly and potters on. I'm so proud of her, we've had the most amazing day. She's accepting basic boundaries, still being a little mischievous from time to time but she's a 2yr old and in a new house so of course she's gonna be. She seems to be pretty much accepting she lives here now and is enjoying herself. She's now fast asleep in her bed, no struggle to get her to sleep.

Lets just hope we continue to go in this direction and don't regress back to a more angry and upsetting time. I'm sure it won't be all sunny and roses but if today is anything to go by we are all going to be a happy settled family a lot sooner then we could of hoped. Hope I'm not being nieve and getting carried away with myself   lol.

One very smitten and proud Mammy 😍😃


----------



## newmum

Wonderful news Emma, what's the next steps?

Can't wait happy for you sounds like things are going well and your doing great x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thankyou everyone

Fab news can't wait, I loved reading your daily updates  

Newmum next steps are to meet lo's sw and FC and as long as there happy with everything in the house and they want to see I'm still loosing weight then they'll hopefully recommend us for may panel to hopefully bring him home end of may beginning of June  

Xxxxxx


----------



## newmum

Aw Emma that's fab bet you can't wait, good luck with everything x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thankyou honey it's still sinking in I can't believe it  xxxxx


----------



## Flash123

cant wait - fab news. I havent had time to post the last few days but i have loved catching up on your posts. I am so pleased that things are a little better - long may it continue!

Skyblu - hope things are still going well xx

Emma - wow. fantastic news. 7 months what an utterly delicious age. if everything goes to plan our blue lo will be home at around that age so it will be lovely to have someone who's brain i can pick!! lol

afu - my gosh i hate this waiting part. Lo's sw returned yesterday after a 3 week holiday (how very inconvenient of her lol) and there was a matching meeting today. dont really know what happens at one of those because we have lo's medical and our matching panel dates. Felt like the day after a first date today...constantly looking at my phone and begging it to ring but you know what they say "a watched pot..." and all that crap - haven't had any feedback yet, hopefully some on the moro.

Hope everyone else is fine xxx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations Emma! So exciting  

Can't wait - glad things are settling down with little one.  She sounds amazing.

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Frangipanii

loving all the news and experiences from everyone!!!
Congrats Emma
Cant wait. sounds amazing. So happy for you 
Flash.  fingers crossed for lots of lovely news soon!!!
Skyblu..hope all is going great and you are sooo happy!!
afm not much. Usual questioning.... will we get through panel. Can I change a nappy, Will i br a good parent. Can i go to panel and not go red beetroot colour!!!  All fun though I suppose!! Roll on panel in June!!!
Hope everyone is ok and I also hope some lurkers get confidence from what they read on here to take their first steps to adoption!!! 
love to all x x x


----------



## skyblu

Hi Ladies,
Thank you so much in showing your joy into Can't Wait and our intros with our lo's.
We are now on night three and I must admit lo has been really good always laughing and being a little monkey.
Yesterday afternoon was a bit of a downer as she was really winging, not crying as such but just wingy. I am trying not to let her sleep after 2.00pm so we can get her to bed at 7.00-7.30ish, I think she was just tired and a bit off colour as she seemed to want her bottle more and would'nt eat much,by 4.00 we gave up and just let her sleep for an hour. she eat all her supper had a bath and then started winging again, she was asleep by 7.45 and slept untill 11.30 were we had to have a nappy change and then slept until 5.00am, gave her a bottle and then she slept until 8.15. Not to bad considering she never slept until 9.30-10.30 pm and still wakeing up at least 4 times with fc and she was getting up at 6.00, so I am counting myself lucky at the moment and hope it lasts.
Had a review meeting today, there were four sw in our sitting room!!!!! They all felt she has always been with us as she was climbing all over me giving me cuddles and saying "my mummy" as if she was showing off, head sw said "well these reviews usally take up to 2 hrs but I feel we are wasting your time and time with your lo as it plain abvouse she is home and happy, see you in two weeks".!!!
We then went to my GP and her new health visitor to get her looked at as she as a bit of a cold and was off colour yesterday and they both said that she looked like I had always been her mummy, my Gp couldn't belive we had only had her for 3 days.
Sorry if I am going on and on but when someone tells you something like that you cant help feeling really proud and Knowing you are doing something right.

Emma - Congratulations .

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So much happiness to start the weekend with. Skyblu amazing loving the first Dr trip and a quick Sw meet who knew they existed lol. 
Can'twait you also sound like you're doing a fab job.
Emma I'll say it again whoooooooooooo so pleased been hoping and praying for you. A beautiful little boy amazing x x


----------



## Sq9

That's amazing skyblu.  Well done and enjoy every minute xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all  

I wanted to say a belated congratulations to the new mummies!!! I have been reading back over your stories and it sounds a draining, emotionally fuelled, challenging, amazing time!  Thank you both so much for sharing, it is an invaluable incite into a time that many of us will hopefully soon face.  It sounds like your girls are settling beautifully and that is testament you all so congratulations  

Emma, you know I am thrilled for you!!!  I am sorry I missed your post last night and didn't write too much in your diary as I was at work - although couldn't not post (hope my internet access is not overly monitored  )  What a lovely age, and how quick things happened once you went national.  I reckon that things were happening behind the scenes and they were maybe just waiting for you!  Eeeek, super exciting times ahead, have you told everyone?  Are your families besides themselves?!!

Frangi, like I said I am sharing the same irrational thoughts and driving myself up the wall.  We need to support each other through this madness  

Flash, any news?!!!! 

CWTBAM, you are so close, woohoo!  How are you feeling?  Is time dragging or do you still have lots to wrap up before your babies come home?

How is everyone else?

AFM... one more session before HS is officially complete.  SW writing our PAR now and referees being visiting over the next 1-2 weeks.  I really hope we make May panel, but if it's June then so be it, either way it'll be sooooooon (AHHHHHHHH!!!)


----------



## Flash123

arrrrrrrrrr. after a really worried night with no phonecalls, a threw myself into working from home to distract myself - still nothing. By 1 o'clock i couldnt take much more and had to phone -  the matching meeting had been  b****y cancelled. Gutted. they have promised me it wont affect matching panel date and that next week's medical can still go ahead - fingers crossed.  MP 34 sleeps away - not that im counting he he !! 

Sorry for me post but really fed up. Going to have a couple of beers and watch one of my old pupils captain wales under 20's rugby team as they go for the grandslam. I keep telling everyone it was my P.E.  teaching that inspired him...but seeing as he was only 10 at the time and most of our topic was dance I doubt it is lol XXXX


----------



## Flash123

have had to post again to reach my 500th post - time to celebrate that must be some kind of anniversary??  :0


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ha ha Flash, happy 500th post !!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you everyone we're still on cloud 9. 

Lo's sw is coming to see us a week on Tuesday so the spring cleaning starts tomorrow hehe. 

Lolly I've told everyone as im walking around with a permenent smile on my face, our parents are thrilled there so excited. Everyone is really happy and so supportive. 

Hope everyone's ok? 

Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## newmum

Lolly you sound like us, we are hoping to go to panel April/May time was supposed to be March/April time.

I like Frangipani think all the time will I be a good Mum? What will they say at panel? How will we cope? Will LO and SS get on? What room shall we use? Do we have enough room? Will we be Approved? Dreading intros in FC home? What if they don't like us? I've never changed a nappy, how will I cope? Etc etc so many questions!!! One thing I do know is that I want LO so much and will be gutted if we don't get approved

So your not alone x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi  beautiful ladies. I know the fears all too well. I worry about a million things everyday.  But then I think about all the children I work with that are in care or clearly not fed or cared for. And I think anyone who thinks they are better off where they are than they would be at ho.e with me and DH is crazy. We are not perfect but we would always love care and provide.  We would always put them first and try our best. If that isn't good enough then thepeople in  charge can't care. Or don't see what I see. I'll take them to work with me for a week point out how children are having to live then they can tell me we're not a million times  better than that.  X


----------



## bluedreams

I can't even imagine how hard that is day to day Gwyneth, I struggle some days working in a secondary school - and I only know half of the stories!  Big hugs


----------



## bluedreams

Congrats Emma!  

Newmum I'm trying to avoid thinking of those questions at the moment.  DH wants us to take each day one step at a time (although it is rather difficult when you get new information).  Each time i think I'm going in to panic mode I throw myself into Work haha


----------



## newmum

Hi blue dream. Take one step at a time easier said than done lol I don't think I'm panicking I've just got an over thinking mind! Yeah work helps I've got a busy job managing people so its certainly a distraction with all their issues let alone our customers lol x


----------



## skyblu

Can I just give a massive Thanks to all you ladies who have msg'd me on here and by email, there are so many of you it would take all day and night to thank you individually and I really do not have the time with a crazy two yr old 

She is now being a right cheeky monkey, pushing her luck to see how far she can push you and she has totally worn the dog out.
We can't believe that for the last 2 nights she has gone to her cot to sleep.
She has a bath then she sits with DH has a story and then I say " right are you going to be a big girl and go to bed now as you are very tired" to which she replies "o.k" grabs her bunny and bottle and trots off!!!!!!!!!!!!! When she did it last night we couldn't believe it and thought she was playing us but sleep she did and tonight same routine and she actually said night night to daddy and was asleep within 5 Min's. We are in shock, the only down side is she is up at 6.30am  
DH gave me a lie in this morning, he entertained her until 9.00am which was lovely.

Can't Wait hope everything is going well with you. 

Untill next time

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## VEC

Wow Skyblu congratulations


----------



## Flash123

wow skyblu, that sounds thruly magical and it is really what dreams are made of. No point in telling you to enjoy every minute beacuse you obviously are - take care xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - your posts really make me laugh coz I really could of wrote them myself. We are obviously having very similar experiences. We had a rocky afternoon with LO yesterday but by tea time she was an angel again, we've got a good routine going now of tea, bath, snuggle on sofa with a book or two, then sleep. She's been falling asleep on DH on the sofa then being carried to bed but tonight happily went to be and was asleep within a few mins also. Our two dogs are also shattered, never seen them so tired and calm. She's been trying to prise their eyes open saying 'get up daaaags', obviously we tell her to leave them alone but they just look at her and then at us as if to say 'what have you done to us', hahhaha   we had a funny morning with her, she's just so testing us and the boundaries as well. Proper stomps off to her bedroom in a huff when she doesn't get her own way, even shuts the door like a teenager! She talks to her dollies for a min or so then hops out like nothing ever happened. Could hear her making a racket today after she stomped off so followed her and she was singing to her teddies with her toy microphone, lol. She's really warming to Mammy, each day there's improvement but every now and again the guilt sets in and she wants me to go away - bless her. I don't get upset by it coz I understand she's battling with feelings that she doesn't understand, must be so hard for her. We are getting there though, she's respecting more boundaries every day and becoming more settled all the time. Had fun with her in the supermarket yesterday, she sat in the trolley while daddy pushed her and mammy collected the shopping, wanted the trolley pushing the wrong way round so she could watch mammy and was showing everyone she could the red nose we were buying her - which when we got it home didn't last 5mins as she tried to put it on one of the dogs nose and it split in two, haha   Funny little monkey. 

To all of you guys who have worries running through your heads about 'are you ready, what sort of parents will you be' etc etc. I've been there, I am a total organised freak. I worry about everything, I think about stuff way to much and I'm always ahead of myself. I am we'll known at our VA for my organisation and list, it was the main topic of conversation at approval panel, they wanted to know how will I cope when things don't go to plan or I can't organise things due to a toddler disrupting everything etc. BUT, look at me now. I'm a Mammy   all the worries I had during HS have turned out to be things to not worry about at all, it all turns out how fate intends in the end. Is our house big enough for approval? How will the SW feel about the dogs? What if we don't get approved? Can we afford the commitment? The list does well and truely go on, but none of my worries were an issue, I have new worries now but even day by day they are dissapearing, new ones appear but the cycle goes on as life goes on. Seriously, it all works out in the end no matter what journey you find yourself on. Skyblu knows that for sure. Our little girl is sound asleep in bed, I was woken up by her this morning patting my face (at 5:45   luckily DH gave me a lie in) it's damn hard work getting here but by god it's worth it. We have ups and downs every day at the min, but even now the ups out way the downs. Anyway I'm rambling now, it's the wine I've had, lol. But what I'm saying is stick with it, stay strong and soon you'll be rambling like me when your have your LO home and enjoyed some sneaky wine when they're in bed   xx


----------



## Flash123

cant wait - i am so very envious of both you and skyblu. Sometimes you really do need to read posts like that to remind you what its all about - as i said earlier magical - just what dreams are made of.

Thank you both for sharing your precious times with us xxx

PS enjoy the wine


----------



## newmum

Ditto to what flash said x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So lovely sky a d Cwm.  Glad it's going so well can't wait to get there.  Even DH has listened to your posts  x


----------



## Jacks girl

Just been catching up on all the posts. Congrats to all you new mummies! Gives us all some hope! DH and I have talked long and in depth about adopting a sibling group. We think after looking into it, it's the right thing for us. But of course it's all dependent on how things pan out in the next year. Been reading up and researching. First meeting Monday, then got to officially say yes we want to go forward. Our LA has already submitted a basic profile to social workers. Family now all been talked to and are on board. The reactions have mostly been positive except by DB who I helped to raise after our Mum passed on. He is 21 on Tuesday. Don't know if some of it is fear with him that he will not get as much attention from me as before. Luckily he is moving into his first house soon so that should give him something to focus on for himself. Hi to all the ladies I chat to and all the ladies who are on here wishing for that magical moment too    . Sending you positive vibes xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone 

Just wanted to pop on and ask a quick question as I'm
Not sure what to do. 
We are linked with lo as you know and his sw is coming a week on Tuesday I just wanted to ask when did you start buying things? I'm nervous to go buy the nursery furniture just in case but then I think we will need it. We did buy the buggy yesterday as it was a bargain and the last one in the shop so didn't want to loose it. 

I don't want to temp fate but in another thought we need to get cracking as if all goes well they want us to go to panel in may. 

Arghhhhhhh I don't know what to do! 

Sky blu and can't wait I'm loving your updates congratulations mummies. 

Hi to everyone else. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## peacelily

Personally, I would wait until after meeting his SW    you can plan, and make lists of what to buy and where in the meantime!


Peacelily xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks peacelilly that's what I was thinking we'll go have a look today and plan what will fit its only just over a week till his sw comes so its not too long to wait. Xxx


----------



## Flash123

Hiya em, we waited till we were given the go ahead by lo's sw, which was when we met them for the first time. We have bought pretty generic things we would need anyway  so if this goes wrong we can still use them. Although lo is only 5 months he's quite a chunky monkey so we wanted a dropside cot bed - good job we ordered it when we did because they can take upto 10 weeks delivery...that's the week after he is due to come home! 
Flash xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hiya flash 

Thanks honey that's really helped like you we've bought generic stuff so far we've only got to wait just over a week to meet his sw so I'm sure we can wait then we can go mad heheh

Hope all's going well with you honey. 

Hugs xxxx


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all, sorry I've not been on for a week or so.

Emma - huge congratulations. I'd wait until you get the nod too.

Cant Wait and Skyblu - so pleased everything seems to be settling down so nicely for you.

CWTBAM - must be getting near now?

Hello to everyone else.

DD2s swr visited in the week for the last time as she's retiring    She was so lovely to us and about us it made me well up! She will be getting a new swr but hopefully she won't need to visit much as we are hand delivering our adoption application orders to court on Weds     Me and my mum and baby girl are going and then having lunch out (DH at work) and I can't wait. She'll have been home 10 weeks by then!! Feels like she's been here forever though. Both our daughters are still very much in love with each other.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad it's all going so well. Exciting times get that order through x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Fabulous news Emma!!    I'm with Peacelilly & Flash  -    We waited until after the meeting and the thumbs up before buying anything.... and bought loads in the last 2/3 weeks!!! It's a great time. You will love seeing how delighted other people are...


Skyblu and CantWait - filled in DH on both your stories today! He wanted to know where I was getting all this great insightful knowledge  !...


Keep the posts coming - if you get a minute !   


Only one question after panel is that when intro's begin? How soon? We are counting down the days... Our SW coming tomorrow night so will find out more then. Still on a high and disbelief    Hope you both have a lovely week... and , of course everyone else xx


Thanks Girls, Noodles x


----------



## peacelily

Hi Noodles - first time around ours started 11 days after Panel


----------



## liveinhope

Our intros started 8 days after Panel.  Wow, getting exciting now.  Great to hear so many fab stories on here

Lots of love all, have a great week xx


----------



## Arrows

Nutmeg I hope they give you your court date quickly! 

Noodles, after panel the decision must be verified which normally takes 7-10days. As a result,  most LAs will start introductions around this time to make sure it's all been verified.  We started intros 10days after panel.


----------



## Flash123

Thanks noodles, was going to ask the same thing. Great minds and all that lol xxx


----------



## Dame Edna

Noodles

We met DS for the start of intros, 11 days after panel  

So exciting!
X


----------



## skyblu

Hi Noodles, Yes as the others have said it is usually 10-12 days after matching panel.

Lo is still doing really well, really testing the boundaries now and seeing what she can get away with.
She has also learnt a few new words. DH has gone back to work which is very tiering especially when madam is up at 5.45am and on the go at a million miles an hr. Bed routine is still going well she even now goes to the cot with her bunny and blanket goes in and is asleep 2 min later. We have let her stay up until 8.30 tonight as she slept late this afternoon and hopfully she wont be up at 5.45am tomorrow morning  OH the joys of motherhood  Taking her to a mother and toddler group on Wednesday if her SW thinks she is ready which we will find out tomorrow.
Off for a long hot soak now.

It may be tiring but when she cuddles you and says oves ou (loves you) it is all worth it.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

LINKED!!!  LINKED!!!  LINKED !!!!

  

Am just a bit excited, 7 months post approval it's finally happened, keep going all you lovely ladies who are still waiting xxx
Bit more waiting for panel due to Easter hols etc but hoping for May panel 

My next dilemma is when to tell BS, feels a bit soon yet, anyone got experience or advice please xxx

Crazyspaniel xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Massive congratulations crazyspaniel!!! That is so exciting     

Everyone is sharing such good news at the moment


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Crazy Spaniel - Wow amazing news, congratulations. You've had a canny long wait, but now it's your time. Enjoy every min 😃 xx


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Crazy Spaniel.  Hope the wait's not too long


----------



## newmum

Great news crazy spaniel you must be over the moon x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news crazy spaniel so pleased for you x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Fantastic news crazy spaniel.....so pleased for you. Fingers crossed you get a speedy date for panel x

Can't wait and sky blu- thank you so much for sharing your stories. It is so amazing to hear about each step of your journey. It gives me lots of hope that there really is light at the end of the tunnel hope you and LOs are doing well x

Hi to everyone else. No word since adoption exchange...why is it things seem to take so much time it will be 5 months next week since approval and we just hope that a link/match isn't an eternity away. Was lovely to be told that we are being considered for LOs but it has resulted in me email and phone watching like a crazy woman!!!  Anyway, off to spinning I go to burn off some of that nervous energy.

Take care, Greenie x


----------



## peacelily

Great news Crazyspaniel! How old is LO? I would wait at least until you've got a Panel date. I can't remember how old your BS is but I have 7/8 in my head, in which case he should understand how many weeks etc to wait.


Peacelily xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Thanks everyone, we are sooo pleased to be here at last, feels like there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
PL, LO is 2 and BC is 8, think you're right we will wait til matching meeting is held which hopefully will give us a panel date and something concrete to look forward too. BC has become v frustrated waiting for his brother (which is going to be a sister ;-)) at least he can then look at the calendar and know when it will happen!

 to everyone x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news crazy spaniel it's an amazing feeling isn't it. 

Little fella's sw is coming to meet us on Tuesday very nervous and excited too. 
We're both smitten by this little boy and hope we make may panel that's what they want to aim for so fingers crossed it all goes well Tuesday, 

Hope everyone is ok

Hugs xxxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Big hugs greenie hope you get a link very soon. 

Xxxx


----------



## oliver222

Feel things are eventually moving. Had medicals today. All great but need to lose a bit weight (which I knew anyway). Signed up weight watchers online and starting tomorrow and getting back to gym. All 6 references have been received and done. And disclosures all filled out. Feels good that things are moving onwards.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good news Oliver222 hope everything speeds up from here x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi peeps, how is everyone!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Lots of good news recently but sometimes it makes the thread go quiet afterwards because ha ha we those ones in the waiting seat cannot compete.
So we have no news although everything is going good, panel penciled in for June maybe July. SW said we should be a 'family' before christmas hopefully - thats an ideal situation though I suppose - so many things could change between now and then. Hubby has to go away for work so that may delay things but we shall see. I never take anything as red until it happens, these threads have taught be that. 
My folks are struggling with the complexities of adoption, in the sense of they think it is ridiculous how many hoops we have to jump through and how farcial some of it is. 
Other than that it is going ok. 
Can I ask how fussy you have been with matching? Are you being open hearted and open armed or are you being well fussy but realistic?
Just curious! 
anyways hope ye are all well and sorry if i have not added any personals but I have soooo much to do today! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think you just have to be really honest about what you could deal with as a couple. If you do that from what I understand your SW should only bring sensible and realistic matches to show you. However one thing I think is that it does have to be right for both of you. I know there are LO's I would accept that my DH would struggle with so they would have to be a no. However realistically if you refuse to accept anything then they are going to struggle to find LO's for you. 

Another big debate me, DH, Lolly and her DF had over dinner last weekend(very gorgeous food thank you Lolly) was age vs knowing what you are dealing with. No one can really tell you that much about a child under a certain age. Me and DH would be happier with more toddler type children that you knew more about rather than a younger child and a lot of question marks. Although that said no child is a known entity adopted or biological but you know what I mean x x x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Frangipanii - in agreement with Gwynneth 27 you really, really need to be honest. You may then have to wait longer for a match but....well worth it in the end. Honesty always best. You need to think deeply about what you can cope with. Not easy!   


Crazyspaniel - Congrats!!! What age is your LO?


Us - we've been matched but will be another 2/3 months before our LO will come home ... and a lot of work to be done before that  . I am , again, struggling with the wait. i find it difficult to concentrate at work as so excited, planning stuff, thinking about things... I wish I could just jump to May!!! Did anyone else feel like that?  


Missing posts from skyblu and Cantwait!   


Strength to all of those that are WAITING through the assessment and then the match. And then the Intros...


Have a good weekend Ladies. Love Noodles XX


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

We start prep in June so jumping to May would be great for me    xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Lol ... well lets just pretend to do that!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL


It WILL begin again for you in June! I remember that feeling and t wasn't easy. Best of luck Gwyneth27. You do again get a sense of achievement! The pain of infertility and 'failing'  gets easier...    Its good to move on ... and feel that you ARE getting somewhere!  


Noodles XX


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ha ha I'll make some imaginary homework up and invent some new prep friends.  Lol x x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Hoping for matching panel in May, so will happily fast forward too!!

Noodles LO is 2, may well have worn out the DVD of her by the time we meet her  
I know what you mean about the waiting, it just goes on and on, to be honest it's all making me feel slightly anxious in case something goes wrong....

To everyone currently thinking about matching process I would just be honest and realistic in what you consider. The last thing any of us wants is a disruption xx


----------



## newmum

Frangipany we've just completed our matching form, not sure that's the correct word for it? I agree with the other ladies be totally honest and think about what you could cope with. We did put a lot of will discuss because the scenarios can be from one extreme to another and are so open so we decided we would like to discuss and then we would see if we could or could not cope. 


Gwyneth I know what you mean about the age debate our SW and on prep course told us about this bit like you say a birth child can turn out a way you may not expect. It is a difficult one which we have thought about. We have experience of an adoption at baby (me) and adoption at 5/6 (my brother) and lets just say the less says about him the better! But hey perhaps a birth child would turn out that way with the same love and support who knows?? 

Congratulations noodle roll on time! The waiting us so hard 


Well we've finished our home study yeah woop woop     I am so happy and emotional shattered did anyone else feel this way?? 

Anyway hi everyone else

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

hey lots of lovely advice thanks everyone!! Think we are fairly picky so matching may take a while!!! 
Congratulations Newmum2b!!! What a relief that must be!Whens panel!!!
We both worry about the age versus knowledge debate. Hubby especially!!! Interesting readin about your opinions. Its a dificult choice to make!!!
love to all x x x


----------



## newmum

Hi Frangipanii I think it's important to be picky and decide what's best for you because that's your LO. A friend of mine who recently adopted said to me the most important thing is to get the match right, if it takes a while its the right time for your LO. If that makes sense? 

Yeah the age debate is a tricky one, and our SW has always told us about the uncertain of a very young  LO and you wouldn't know how they may or may not develop. But from past experience and talking to DH we are 100% sure that's the match for us. You don't know BC may have problems as they grow up, everyone is individual.

Panel is April, I am a bit disappointed because thats another wait and worry if we will get approved. I feel as I have to put everything on hold, and all I want to do is book a short holiday to help de stress from the HS   but don't know whether we should! 


Thats nice that your SW said you should be a family by Christmas, our SW says she can't give us any timescales of when we will be linked. Fab news your panel date is pencilled in


Nm2b x


----------



## GERTIE179

Newmjm2be - book the holiday!! :-D
We booked a short weekend away just after HS and before panel. Then after panel things went quiet re any links so we went on holiday - I'm sooo glad we did as we never managed any other time off/away before LO moved in between work commitments, exchange days and wanting to bung my holidays together for as much paid time off as poss (so over 6months with no chill out other than Xmas). I don't regret it but I am getting increasingly jealous of the adverts on tv of warm sunny beaches lol

Waiting doesn't get any easier - we waited 5mths from finding LO to meeting him. I found I used any free time researching prams, cots, etc and made me feel a bit more proactive when I couldn't be with SWs 
Xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys,

Fran - be totally honest with each other and SW, if your 'fussy' then they need to know that. No point being shown profiles you can't cope with, will waste yours and their time. They won't judge and don't beat yourself up, there are ppl who are happy to love and care for the 'hard to place' children, don't feel forced to take a LO who isn't right for you.

Gwen - we've had that debate many times and chose toddler over younger child as felt we wanted to know as much as we could about their development etc and if any extra support required We'd be going in with our eyes open so to speak. Plus I work with babies so didn't feel the need to have a baby at home if that makes sense?!?  

Well what a roller coaster with Poppet at the min. We very casually introduced grandparents (they just happened to be places we were) nothing too intense as really it's too early to do that. Although the meetings went well LO showed signs of being confused and unsettled afterwards so no further 'chance' or arranged meetings at the min. Having some amazing times with LO, she is so funny at times, right cheeky monkey and also very sweet/caring/adorable. Then other times she is a nightmare and awful to me. I know she's got some 'mother' figure issues going on that she just can't process, she's us really testing me. I'm trying my very best to stay calm and not react to any rejection she shows me, I'm giving lots of love and attention, positive language and 'owning' language. But when something triggers her grief of leaving the foster carer her anger comes out and I get it all, she throws things at me, hits me, screams at me, tells me to go away, says Mammy is naughty and is just plain awful towards me. She shuts me out, won't let me near her or help her with anything. It's really difficult and upsetting. The only thing that has triggered her off over the past few days was a social worker visit this AM, and she's been at me all afternoon. Don't get me wrong it's not constant abuse, she will be fine one minute, climbing on me, cuddling me, saying Mammy watch this etc, then Bang she changes, just out of the blue. It's awful to see her like that as I try to imagine what's going through her head and I know she doesn't mean it, often get a sorry Mammy when she snaps out of it, but this afternoon it's worn me out and I've had to walk away from her. I know it's the worst thing I could of done as I've basically just rejected her right back but I couldn't take anymore and rather then getting annoyed with her I've just stayed out her way. Poor DH finds it really hard to see her behave like that towards me but I have to keep supporting him to ensure he is giving her the reassurance she needs as she won't accept it from me when she's in that state of mind and this afternoon I just couldn't bare anymore. We've got two SW visits next week, one from hers and another from 3 in total as an official review and I'm dreading it coz I know I'm gonna get the back lash from it, plus DH has to go back to work so I'm gonna get it full on as well. Also having problems dealing with tantrums, well knowing whether we are dealing with them appropriately more to the point but been getting some great advise on hear.
Don't get me wrong, I adore her (which is prob why it's so hard), she's apart of us and the majority of the time it's great fun. It's just on the rare occasion when she gets confused/upset/angry. Yesterday was a brill day, had a day out at a farm, lunch out etc. no upset, no rejection of mammy, only 1 tantrum all day and that was before bed as she was very tired. The bad side of this process came about after the SW visit today which obviously set things off in her head. She 'rang the foster carers' on her toy phone and pretended to talk to her play mate who also lived there saying 'I can't come play as I live with Mammy and Daddy now, can you tell Mammy ****** (foster carer) Goodbye please', was very sad listening to her but I suppose it's a positive in a way. she's not mentioned any of them for days now so just shows how much a SW visit can disrupt things for them. It's such a delicate process helping her settle and feel safe/secure without pushing her too quick where mammy is concerned and also getting basic routines and boundaries in place. Very delicate and tricky, just hope we are doing right by her.


----------



## skyblu

Can't Wait, so sorry you are having some problems with your lo 
It is still early days and I am sure once DH goes back to work things may settle down a bit as she wont have a choice but to seek comfort and support from you as DH wont be there. Tantrums as you know is normal in a two yr old and giving her boundaries and discipline will help with this so don't feel you are being hard on her as boundaries and discipline makes a happier child as they are too young to proses feelings.
Also don't be hard on your self as I am sure you are doing your best at what is a very difficult situation. If I was you and you have a good support with your SW I would tell her/him that you are finding some of lo's behaviour hard to deal with and ask if there is anything that she /he can do to help you or lo. Have you heard of theraplay, ask your SW if you could borrow a book on the techniques of theraplay as it has shown to be very good in helping children cope with trauma and helping them feel safe. It is a little Americanised but does seem to work, it is all about touching and comforting a child through play, e.g when you are reading a story to lo just stroke her forhead or hand or even when she is playing or doing a jigsaw just rub her back or her arm just to let her know that you are there and you are there to keep her safe.
If you feel you need help don't be afraid to ask as your SW should still be there to support you and DH. 

Newmum2b- My god go go go, if you can go on holiday go. I wish DH and I went somewhere for a week or two before we were matched as when you do get matched , even though nothing really happens for 3 months those 3 months go by really quick and before you know it you have lo running your life  
So my advice is, go on holiday and enjoy. 

Frangipan - I agree with the others be very honest what you can deal with.
We originally said we wanted as young as poss with no health issues. After thinking about this during the matching forms we decided a 2 would be ideal but not any older but when it came to health we said we would not accept any disabilities or long term illnesses but would look at some minor illnesses. At the end of the day all parents want a healthy child. It turned out our lo does have some medical probs but we feel we can deal with them and the likely hood is she will grow out of it. Just do what you feel you can cope with and don't be pressured into anything you don't think you can't cope with. 

Crazyspaniel - Congrats on your match 


Update on lo, exspecally for Noodles 


I have to say Lo has been fantastic and can't believe she has been with us for nearly 2 weeks.
She is meeting family members in her stride, a little shy to begin with and then she just gets on with it and pulls everyone in to play.
She met my 3 yr old nephew today, poor boy still doesn't understand how she didn't grow in my belly and how is she allready 2. We have explained to him about what adoption means and what happens as much as you can explain to 3 yr old, then he turns around and says well she must take after **** (DH) as you are too short to be her real mammy 
She is doing so well we are thinking that something is surly going to go wrong soon.
We had tears last night going to bed, she kept on saying there was a noise coming from her cot, I reassured her there was no noise in her cot or room by searching under and behind her cot and in her wardrobe ,10 min later she was screaming again saying there was a noise, again there wasn't. I rubbed her back to reassure her and just felt that she was on fire so asked her if she was hot to which replied she was, so I changed her nappy and put on another pair of lighter pj's and put her back in her cot, 2 mins later she was fast asleep and slept until 7.15am.
That is a lie in  We thought we were going to have the same problem again tonight as she asked if daddy had taken the noise away from her cot, but she went to sleep straight away. What the noise is we don't know, the only thing we can think of is the noise of the rain on the windows.!!!!
She is so funny and is such a happy smiling, laughing child that we find it a bit strange when one minute she is running about laughing and then all of a suddon she will stop and start crying for no reason, does anyone know why this happens? We thought it may have something to do with being tired but she does it if she has not long been awake and is happy!!! It is very puzzling.
Took her shopping yesterday and bought her new shoes and a few tops, I can't believe I am actually buying shoes for my daughter, and when someone you don't know says " oh isn't she a mini me" it makes the early mornings and all the hoops we have jumped through over the last 18 months worth while.

Skyblu.xxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww skyblu - sounds like everything is going great. I passed on advice that I had been given from the FF gurus on the post placement board y'day that I found to hit the nail on the head for me. The crying at nothing/drop of a hat is just her processing. On the surface she seems to be doing well (and will be) but her world has just been turned upside down so the fear is there underneath (fight or flight emotions) and hence the crying at seemingly nothing is just her overreacting as she has a feeling she has suppressed or doesn't know what it's about. Just keep up your good work and be with her (i don't give them much attention but just stay with lo holding his hands saying nothing or its ok to be upset). Once the red mist feeling has lifted then we normally go off and get a toy/look out window etc.

this has been he surprising part for me and I've adjusted my thinking and now it's easier to see when it's distress and when he's just normal playing up as all toddlers will do at times. You will still be getting to know each other at that instinct level and this is just a phase. I found it hard to get my head around this as everything else felt almost "perfect". Our LO fits into our family like he's always been here but I learn a little more about him each day (as does he).
Hope you find this useful.
X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - sounds like things are going great. I was gonna point you to Gertie's advise to me on another forum topic but looks like Gertie has that all covered   It sounds to me like our LO's are displaying the same behaviour but it's manifesting differently if that makes sense. When your LO gets into a meltdown as Gertie so well explains it, she randomly cries. When our LO melts down she gets angry instead of sad and that anger is directed at me. Our LO's have different backgrounds and experiences but are going through the same confusing process and are trying to process feelings they don't understand. Have a think about when she's started crying randomly and see if it's in correlation to something that might of triggered some confusing feelings for her. We though our LO was coping well with casually meeting new ppl/family members then we realised she was getting very angry towards Mammy afterwards. The meetings themselves went fine, it was once we were home the effects were seen. That's why we stopped it once we realised. 
How strange about your LO thinking there was a noise in her cot, bless her, at least she slept. 
I have heard of theraplay and no some aspects of it, I've been doing the whole subtle touching, stroking, reassurance while doing activities when I can. But I think I need to know more on the subject so will get my hands on a book - Thanks for that.

I was also been thinking if getting the 'primal wound', any thoughts and advise on that book, I've had very mixed reviews on it.

Here's to hoping for a less confused and angry day. Thanks for the support and advise guys, I know I can always rely on this forum to help make things clearer when they seem very cloudy. Xx


----------



## peacelily

skyblu said:


> slept until 7.15am. That is a lie in


Consider yourself lucky  that is a serious lie-in!! My poor boy has been awake from 5.30 coughing for the last few mornings, and has always been an early bird - be prepared everyone!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Re Theraplay - we did an overview course on it by auk and it was fab. A good book is I love you rituals. It shows ways that you can adapt nursery rhymes etc to make them positive and personalise. Row the boat is a good one with actions as u control how fast/slow and get LO in ur rhythm.
I'm just digging out my notes for others if you want pm ur email and i see if I can send u a copy
X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Gertie you are officially an adoption Guru, it's your new title   I'll PM you. Thank you for all your very helpful advice and support. Also found your reply to Fran about schools useful, we have told the nursery and intended on telling the school but your experience has just confirmed how important that is.   xx


----------



## newmum

Thanks everyone yes wil look to book a little holiday with DH and SS'S

Hugs to cant wait and Skyblu sounds like your getting some good advice from our guru Gertie   

Gertie what thread can I find your advice on when you mention the post placement board? I've looked but not sure i am looking at the right place  are you able to post a link please?? 

Nm2b x


----------



## GERTIE179

Oh gawd I'm certainly no guru and cite OldTimer, Keemjay, Arrows and many others who have helped me through these forums and pms. :-D
This is why I love ff as everyone is so helpful ;-)
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=187.0
Is the Parenting Adopted Children section

X


----------



## newmum

Thanks Gertie x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks for the updates Cantwait and Skyblu ....not that I was waiting on them   Great to hear how you are both doing   


CantWait - you're being tested but I'm sure this will settle as time goes on - stick in there honey I'm sure you're making more progress than you know   


SkyBlu - so great to hear your news and Thanks for sharing all the loveliness...   ... I (defo. not an expert) reckon the sudden crying will be your LO's way of processing all the change   


I am trying to prepare myself and DH....but dont think that is really possible..... Should I be reading anything in particular? A bit like yourselves I just want to be the best Mummy I can be...Trying to make the most of our time before LO comes forever. Hope it all works - I am slightly anxious something goes wrong   


Noodles XXX


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hey guys, I'll try to keep it brief but I seem to be writing massive posts recently  

Had a fantastic day with LO, she's been very Mammy orientated today, lots of affection and cuddles, no tantrums, a few minor strops but nothing mega. I popped over a friends (just to escape and have normal conversation) for a cuppa for an hour today. Rang DH to say I was leaving and LO grabbed the phone and was chit chatting to me and was saying 'I want to see Mammy's friend', so my friend (best friend and gonna be very involved with Lo once settled) drove me home and popped in for 10mins and LO loved it, was showing her her room and toys and cuddled her goodbye. We had absolutely no confusion/upset/anger at all, it seems she isn't anti-mammy after meeting friends of mine, which makes sense really coz I suppose family members are more confusing for her. Later today she spotted a photo of the same friend in a frame, brought it to me, pointed to her and said in a really squeaky excited voice 'My Mammys friend, I cuddled Mammys friend' hahaha bless her. She's been a total joy today. It seems that whenever something sets off her grief and causes her upset and anger towards mammy, that once she's slept it off our relationship gets even better. So I must be doing something right when she's rejecting me/testing me coz actually in heinsight the next day after a 'fall out' so to speak, everything is amazing. Totally love every inch of her (even when she's kicking off  ) I'm enjoying some well deserved vino and stuffed pasta tonight so best go and make the most of it. Tatty bye for now   xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Brilliant news Cantwait!!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep up the good work honey!   


Noodles xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

That's lovely to hear can't wait! Xx


----------



## nutmeg

Great news Cant Wait, long may it continue   

Skyblu - everything sounds like it's going so well.

Congratulations Crazy Spaniel. We told our dd after we'd meet FCs and had a load of photos to take away. We posted these around the house so dd could talk to them and get used to "seeing" her around/

We dropped our papers off at court on Weds which was a special feeling    We're just hoping for a quick date through now. Our SWr came to see us this week too for the first time in 2 months! He was explaining to us when we can apply again


----------



## gettina

Just a quickie to thank can't wait and sky blu in particular for keeping us posted in how those first few weeks are going. And great to hear from you nutmeg and gertie too. I'm just on prep course at the mo and it's fascinating - as well as moving -  to read some of your experiences mirroring what we are being told to expect. I wonder, skyblu, if the crying is simply part of a struggle to regulate her emotions? Maybe being really happy feels odd and therefore unsettling to her resulting in the tears? 
So pleased each little one is settling a bit more each day and has lots and lots of happy family moments and memories taking place these days. 
Gettina x


----------



## gettina

Ps - nutmeg - the next one being talked about already!!! Hahaha.  You must being impressing big time!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Can't Wait, I loved reading your story, got me quite choked up there.


----------



## GERTIE179

Ive just bought "A Childs journey through placement by baaf" as was recommended by another recently placed adopter to me recently and since I've ordered it, many people including my SW are now recommending it. Just in case anyone else might find it useful as you approach matches and intros.
X


----------



## Sq9

Some amazing posts on here at the moment - thank you so much for sharing the experiences.   xx


----------



## Flash123

Gertie, I was going to order that one too. Would live to know what you think of it x

Can't wait and skyblu - keep 'um coming chickadees because your beautiful updates are really keeping us going xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Gertie ! I have ordered!   


Noodles x


----------



## Flash123

Hey Gert - are you on commission?


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

I hope you're all okay!

Can't wait and Skyblu- Keep your updates coming, I love to read them  I hope your having a nice Monday with your little princess, I can't wait to wake up and see my little pumpkins faces, go to the park and do all the mummy things. Enjoy every moment of being mummies, your little girls both sound adorable x x x

Gertie - you should be on commission lol! Book ordered  I hope you're little munchkin is doing well, and that you are loving being a mummy x x x

Gettina - I hope you're enjoying prep, this forum is amazing for helping you to understand adoptions and the ups and downs faced throughout the journey, I feel like this site has really helped me. I really enjoyed the prep groups it kind of just reinforced the fact that adoption was for me and DH x x x 

Nutmeg -   It sounds like your LO is doing fantastically well, are you thinking about another one already? Super exciting that you've submitted the papers already! Is BD still loving her baby sister? x x x

Noodles - congratulations on your link! I am trying to prepare me and DH as well....it's easier said than done lol, people keep saying that you'll never feel prepared...but when they arrive it will just work, and everything will fall in to place....how true it is I don't know! What's the next stage of your journey? x x x

PL - I hope your LO is feeling better....and you're gettig more sleep!!! x x x 

AFU - I'm officially in to panic mode....I've got the pre approval panel panics all over again, but now a whole lot worse! We love these children so much, and literally have the house waiting for them....formula milk, nappies, clothes, toys, books, beds made, jumperoo set up, pushchairs ready to go, buggy board in place....WHAT IF THEY SAY NO?!!!!!  I am really struggling again, I don't feel I have any control over the next few weeks...3 weeks until panel, and it's really torture for me....obviously I have no choice but to sit it out.....these children are my children and I can't bear the thought of a no or a deferral. It's the older ones 2nd birthday this week which doesn't help....he should be at home with his forever mummy and daddy. I am speaking to the FC weekly, and she keeps saying things will be fine....but still.....WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT FINE, WHAT IF THEY SAY NO?!!!!!!


----------



## GERTIE179

CWTBAM - you wouldn't be this far if it was t going to be alright. However I do understand! We didn't buy anything specific or that couldn't be returned until MP 

Alas no commission - I got mine 2nd hand for £2!! After I ordered I realised I could've borrowed for my auk or agency library free so worth mentioning to your SW if u just fancy a read without expense.

Gotta run
X


----------



## custard

I feel your waiting frustration Can'twaittobeamummy... We're at matching panel tomorrow. Everything is done and ready, and I'm sure it will be fine, but there's a tiny whisper of "what if it's not..."  Our youngest to be had his birthday the other week too, and it was really odd to miss it. I hope your FCs send some nice pictures of eldest. We had a short video of their candles being blown out, which was lovely.


Roll on the next step for both of us.
J xx


----------



## Flash123

Custard and cant wait - i feel your pain lol
We were due at mp in a few weeks, like you everything is done, bought and ready. My job had to be interviewed for - all done, person ready to start and now a b****y delay. we are gutted. I keep sitting in his room - which isnt really helping matters lol. WE still have no idea how long a delay but we are hoping and praying someone gets their a*** in action and sorts it soon!

Custard - good luck for tomorrow xx


----------



## Anjelissa

J......lots of luck for tomorrow, it's been a long time coming but the day is almost here  . 
As you know I'm so very excited for you!    
It's almost 6 years to the day that we 'met' and look where we both are now   

CWTBAM.....I hope the time passes quickly before your panel , not long now, you're almost there  

Flash.....I used to keep going into our little man's room prior to his arrival too, I couldn't help it, it just made me smile and felt somehow closer to him   

Anj x


----------



## Primmer

Hi guys, thought I might join you. After 3 years of ttc, We had one privately funded ivf treatment last year which was unfortunately unsuccessful. We have been thinking about adoption and having recently enquired with our local council they sent us some information and I had a phone call with them last week to go through some of their initial questions and we have been invited to an open evening in middle of April. I have read quite a few pages on this thread and realise it will be a difficult and emotional journey but one which I hope will have a happy ending.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah Welcome we love newbies joining us here. It is a hard journey but there is so much positive news here everyday. The difficult times are set backs not failures and I take great comfort from that. x x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Welcome and good luck with your journey Primmer xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Welcome Primmer   ,

You'll find lots of support here  , there are so many of us at different parts of the journey and all with slightly different experiences. Most things you will come up against along the way will likely be experienced by someone else on here at some point who can offer valuable advice and support.  

Lots of luck,

Anj x


----------



## Sq9

Good luck primmer. As others have said, there is a lot of support one here so any questions, just ask x


----------



## newmum

Welcome primmer

Good luck custard for tomorrow


CWTBM oh bless hang in there  

Just short one tonight

Nm2b x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Cwtbm you've come this far honey of purse it's going to be a yes. Xxxx

Flash big hugs xxxx

Custard good luck tomorrow honey. Xxxx

Welcome premier good luck with your journey. Xxxx

Afu, little mans sw is coming to meet us tomorrow we've just sat down the house is now spotless lol. 
So nervous what if she doesn't like us and changes her mind  we've fallen big time for the little man. 
Hoping to get some upto date photos tomorrow as the one we have is about 3 months old I bet he's changed so much. 
Don't know if ill sleep tonight I hope I do don't want to be yawning my head off when there here hehe. 

Ill let you know how it goes once they've left tomorrow. 

Hugs to everyone xxxxxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Good luck Emma and Custard x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good luck Emma and Custard! 

Welcome primer x

Flash when are you at panel? X


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone, lots going on on here at the mo ...fab
Hi primer and well come xx
Em, you'll be just grand. Just be yourself, if they didn't like you from your profile they wouldn't waste their time visiting you. Enjoy and take in lots of new info about lo xx
Can't wait - we were due at mp in a few weeks, now we are delayed indefinitely till results are back and who knows how long that could take on planet adoption. You would think it was straight forward enough but noooooooooo! We are just gutted and sooooo frustrated! 
Omg custard no more sleeps (tonight doesn't count     Good luck 

Does anyone know if we can pay private for lo's blood tests? We are trying to think of all ways to speed things along


----------



## VEC

Butting in, but Flash, I think your LO has been in foster care for a while, no?  If so, presumably just one test for HIV would suffice as the time since there's been contact with the birth mother would be enough to give an accurate result, if it's over three months?  Best of luck getting things done quickly, it must be so so so frustrating to say the very least.

Martha x


----------



## Primmer

Thank you all for the warm welcome. It is lovely to have somewhere to share what is happening and to learn from others experiences and support each other.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Well little mans sw and family finder have just left and they will be intouch tomorrow think they want us to think about it tonight and give them a deffinate decision if we want to proceed tomorrow and also if they want to proceed I think. 
We did tell them we didn't need to think about it we've fallen for the little guy and want to move to the next step but they insisted we wait till tomorrow arrrghhhhhhh another wait grrrrrrrrrr. 

Our sw thinks it went really well but I keep thinking what if they didn't like us, this wait is going to drive me crazy lol. 

Hugs xxxxxxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ah feel for you Emma, know how long these waits can feel! Hope you get good news tomorrow


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Flash, I agree with Martha. They'd want to do the test 3months post possible infection which I'm assuming its been more than 3months since LO was born or any other form of exposure to infectious diseases etc so the test they do now should be sufficient. Hope they get them done quickly so you aren't waiting too long   

Emma, I'm sure they'll want to proceed with you, try not to worry, I think they always like to give ppl a little time just to ensure everyone is 100% sure on the decision. At least it's only 24hrs, a long 24hrs no doubt but that's all it is


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks ladies I'm sure I'm worrying over nothing and we'll get good news tomorrow just want to get moving now and bring lo home but as you all know good things come to those who wait. 

Hope everyone is ok? 

Hugs xxxxxx


----------



## daisy0609

Evening ladies

hope you are all well new mums, mums in waiting and everyone else!

Just a little question. After you were matched at the panel did you get a visit from your SW a couple of weeks after? As ours is coming next week for a catch up!

xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi daisy, 

Not sure what happens after matching panel but I know ours visited us a few weeks after approval panel just for a catch up. 

Xxx


----------



## custard

Evening all!
Just a quickie to say that we are now approved. Hurrah! And we meet LOs in 4 weeks time.
J xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations custard fantastic news mummy  xxxxx


----------



## peacelily

Fantastic news, Custard!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats Custard x


----------



## Flash123

Wooooohooooooo!!!!!!

Custard is a mummy - that sounds fantastic xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Custard   Great news

AFU I'll try get on to right a longer post later on. Tantrums are much more under control now, more like mini strops really. LO's SW visited yesterday and was very pleased with her, didn't cause as much upset and confusion as anticipated. DH is back to work today, had a very unsettled night with LO, we think it was a mixture of having a nap too late in the afternoon and being told Daddy was going back to work today. We just couldn't settle her for sleep, had a right battle on and eventually had her asleep in bed at 21:00 😳! She woke up at 05:00 insisting it was awake time, kept her in her room till 06:15 telling her it was still night time, once the hysterics stopped she just lay awake starring at calling and didn't go back to sleep so eventually I realise I was fighting a loosing battle and we got up. DH has just left for work, no drama or upset. Wish me luck for my first day alone with her, and here's hoping she has a lunch time nap and sleeps better tonight. Got a busy review meeting with 3 SW's coming all at once so no doubt that will stir up more in settlement, so complicated week for us here.

Xx


----------



## Primmer

Custard - great news congrats!! 

Can't Wait - hope your day goes well, sure you and lo will be fine. 

Emma - hope you get great news today.


----------



## Flash123

Can't wait - you sound like you are doing a fantastic job - just perfect. I hope today and next few days go well for you. I am loving coming on and reading your updates. Cheers dears and keep 'em coming xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All, just wanted to say hello! I keep reading and getting hope from everyones news! Thanks everyone for all your support, I missed out replying to a couple of peoples messages of support and advice and I am deeply sorry for that! Head has been somewhere else. So please forgive me! 
Congratulations Custard.
Love to all xxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Congratulations custard, fab news, happy shopping!! X
Can't Wait have a great day with your LO, sounds like she's settling in really well xx


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Congratulations custard you're a Mummy    meeting LO in 4 weeks how exciting.

Can't wait.. Thanks for the updates sounds like day by day your LO is settling home, your doing a fantastic job and I'm learning from your experiences and sharing them with DH  

Emma hope you get your news today.. 

AFU still waiting for panel   counting down the sleeps 

Nm2b x


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations J!!! 
             
Not long now and your lo's will be home with you where they belong  
You are now officially a Mummy!!  

Lots of love Anj x x x


----------



## custard

Thanks for all the lovely congratulations messages!  Really makes me smile. Thank you.
We've been to visit schools, so now there are some decisions to be made! They were all nice, so it's a bit of a lottery really.
Talking of which... I (very uncharacteristically) bought a EuroMillions ticket yesterday... I was feeling lucky - what can I say!  I should check the numbers...

Take care all, and lots of luck to everyone. You'll get there - just keep ticking off the steps!
J xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

We got a YES      so excited now. The waiting this morning drove us crazy but it was so worth it. 
Little mans social worker really liked us. 

We've been given may 21st as provisional matching  panel day so fingers crossed. 

Of to buy nursery furniture tonight  

Thanks for all the messages everyone

Hugs 
Emma xxxxx


----------



## Primmer

Emma - that is great news   you must be soooo excited !


----------



## newmum

Great news Emma, and you've got your matching panel same date as our approval panel here's to a lucky date


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Where to start
Custard - Amazing news 4 weeks get buying and sorting your house out (can't wait for that I love buying children things.) 
Emma - Knew it would be can't wait for May x x 
Can't wait - So glad your first day home alone with LO has gone well. You're doing an amazing job xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Fabby news Emma!! Well done to you and DH - finally a family      


My provisional panel is a week before yours! 


Enjoy! Noodles XX


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Fantastic news Emma, we all knew it would be all Ok, doesn't stop the worrying though does it. Enjoy your baby shopping celebration, 7months old is an amazing age, still baby baby but old enough to have some interaction as well 🎉😃 xx

Thanks for all the positive feedbacks to my posts, I always loved reading posts from new Mams and I enjoy sharing my experiences and getting advice/reassurance from you all. 
We've had a great day just the two of us, managed to successfully encourage a descent lunch time nap, allowed her to wake naturally so she was in a good mood, enjoyable afternoon. DH came home and she was so excited she's acted the fool ever since, not been naughty just daft and mischievous. No tantrums today, a mini strop over wanting to give Santa a cuddle and get a present   no idea where that came from, she could not understand that Santa was for Xmas only AT ALL!!   I've made her a day time routine chart for the fridge which we've decorated, has set times for getting up, meal times, snacks, a nap, bath & bedtime. Hopefully it will help her understand the structure of the day and get back to a better sleep routine as past few days have been hard work with her sleep wise. She sat at the table and was well behaved while eating her tea tonight, another first - Wohoooo. DH is currently in her bedroom with her convincing her it's sleep time, he's got a good tactic going on and is being very calm, it listening in through the monitor while writing this, it seems to be working   Just hope she sleeps well tonight. Gonna have a cheeky bottle of lager, watch something grown up and sleep myself (hopefully). Oh forgot to add, been to see my parents today at LO's request (we made Easter cards for them this morning and she insisted we took them round straight away) had a fab time, she behaved like she had known them for years, not just met them casually a few times. Heaven 😊😍

P.s sorry if I've repeated myself at all, I'm posting on a few threads (including the post placment mammy chat thread - get me! 😉!) and can't remember what I've put where. Ooops
Xx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Custard and Emma, you are both going to be Mummies 

Can't Wait, well done on getting a good day with lo, how did you get her to have a afternoon nap?
My lo just fights and fights it.
We went to our first toddler and mother group today. At first she froze by the door when she saw all the children and mummies, but with a little encouragement she went in and within 5 minutes she was playing happily until a little girl went up to her and whacked on the face with toy brick  This started a few tears but the little girls mum made her say sorry which she did and played happily until we left. She slept in the car on the way home which was great as it was only midday and she had a little snack at the playgroup and thought great an hour or 2 to myself when I get home...........Huh as soon as I took her out of her seat she woke up, I put her in her cot and shushed her but no she wanted to play with puppy  so bang went the day time nap again, she did have 15 minutes in the car and she was in a pretty good mood for the rest of the day. She went to bed at 7.30 pm no problem and as I have changed her bottle to a different bottle with a different spout she couldn't drink it laying down as the flow was faster so tonight she did,nt have a anything for the first time but did insist on taking it to her cot. ( I have taken it out as I don't feel it would be safe for her in the laying down position).
Lets hope she stays asleep tonight.
We are going to see her nursery school tomorrow and see how she feels as she will be staring after Easter. She just seems so board at home sometimes and we feel she is missing her little pals she had at the day care centre she went to when she was at fc. If we felt that she hasn't bonded with us yet then we wouldn't be doing it yet but her HV and SW feel she is ready and if we are happy then so are they. If she doesn't settle then we will leave it until September.

Some of you might of heard from the parenting sight that lo was very naughty today and we have installed a naughty step but we call it the thinking step.
We bought a new leather suite before lo came to us and she decided it was a good drawing canvas with a set of keys  Luckily it wasn't too bad but after telling her it was wrong and that she is not to do It again and taken the keys off her, 10 minutes later she did it again with a different plastic flag toy thing. So I told her again it was naughty and that daddy would be cross and told her to sit on the step and think off what she had done. Amazingly she sat there until I told her she could come off (2 minutes) and asked her about what she had done and said she hadn't done it!!!
I put it down to her age and thought she doesn't really understand. How wrong was i, as soon as my mum walked in she showed her what she had done and said naughty and sat on the step and pointing her finger and shaking it( i didn't do that) but it was funny to see and she did exactly the same when daddy came home, so she does understand.

Oh the joys of 2 yr olds 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - I really can't take credit for making her have a nap, it was just luck I think. She fell asleep in car on the way home just like your LO, she woke when taking her into the house, I put her on the sofa while I took my shoes and coat off, she just sat there looking sleepy, so I left the dogs where they were in the kitchen, didn't put TV or anything on, just said 'oh dear you are a sleepy girl aren't you' walked off into the next room, pottered about for a few mins and bang she was curled up asleep on the sofa. She was that shattered and with no stimulation to encourage her to wake up properly she just fell asleep. I hope my plan for 'quiet time' at lunch times has the same result but I really do t know if it will work 100% of the time. 
DH's plan to get her to sleep tonight worked amazingly, so proud of him and her, he came back into the sitting room minutes after my previous post. So pleased it worked and I'm praying she sleeps well tonight and we get back into the swing of things   
Hahaha what is your little one like claiming she didn't do the scratches, so funny. Our LO claims the cat or the dogs for everything. She has bruises and scratches all over her where she crashes into everything, she's so clumsy - she blames the poor cat for them all, the cat stays well clear of her unless she's sitting calm on the sofa, cheeky monkey! She's started telling me and DH to wait in the most patronising way, I've been saying to her 'you'll just have to wait because of XYZ' as she is so impatient and wants everything done straight away. Now if I say 'can you wait please' she now says 'No,Mammy Waaaait Waaaaait, good boy Mammy' Hahahahaha she's obviously picked a mixture up of us telling her to wait and how we talk to the dogs. She's a funny little thing, 2yr olds are hard work but by god they are funny


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thankyou so much everyone we've just got I'm from celebrating went to tgi's with my parents and niece it was lovely. 

My parents have bought the nursery furniture too tonight so it makes it so much more real now we still can't believe after all these years of trying we're finally going to be mummy and daddy. 

Sky blu and can't wait I love your updates I look forward to settling down with a cuppa and catching up. 

Hi to all the new mummies and mummies to be. 

To anyone starting out hang in there good things happen to those who wait. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,

Will catch up on all the reading back later..

just have a a big dilema at the moment which could may well put things on hold for us. I can not get statutory adoption leave pay as i only work 10 hours per week so i dont earn enough to qualify, I have contacted many people and the benefits agencys on this matter, however no one seems to have a straight answer for me. I know my income is low but it counts for a lot for us especially having a little one around. Basically can i get anything to substitute statutory adoption pay? We can not get any tax credits, we are aware of child benefit.
Has anyone else been in this situation and has anyone got any advice for me pleeeeeaaaaasssseeeee.....

Its so unfair because if i was having a birth child i would automatically receive pay...  

Thanks in advance and sorry for the me post, just ery worried and upset!!
xxx


----------



## AoC

Hi Everyone  

I'm so sorry I stopped visiting when we hit intros - life just became so very full!  For those that remember me, I just wanted to pop back and update my profile and say that we're all doing brilliantly.    Our boy is utterly gorgeous, charming and kind and at the same time a whole bundle of mischievous naughtiness!  He's come on leaps and bounds since placement and everyone is amazed at how well he talks and expresses himself.  He is a very bright button indeed, which means he's going to be a handful!  

We've had some good SW visits and some great support from our VA SW when I was having difficulty with knowing how to handle some of our boy's grieving.  Our Health Visitor, too, has been wonderful.  We're just completing the court paperwork for the adoption order now.  

Good luck everyone, and keep on going!


----------



## crazyspaniel

AoC,
Have missed you and your wise words!! Glad everything is going well x


----------



## GERTIE179

AoC - great to hear from you and wonderful that everything is going well x

U/L - I think someone posted this link to see what you may be entitled to?
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

I can't recall how far away you are from panel/match but if >26 weeks then is there anyway to increase your hours or get another job (tough market I know). On the other hand you may be entitled to an adoption allowance if the child you are matched with is harder to place or comes with some needs.

Another option would be to see if you can increase hours/get another PT job to save up the amount you would get if that's even possible in your situation. It does seen rather unfair and I'm not sure of the reasoning behind this by the govt as its not like there are millions of adopters that it would apply to. Grrr
X

/links


----------



## Arrows

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today at Wetherspoons I was not allowed to sit at same table as workmates having a drink, due to having my son (who was asleep in the pushchair) with me. In the end I separated the tables by 1/2m, had no alcohol at the table and ordered food as requested (both of which I was doing anyhow). Later workmates were refused drinks as we were apparently still a 'group'. I moved even further away (2m) at an entirely different table and they still refused to serve my colleagues, quoting a 'responsible parenting policy' and one member of staff telling us it's the law -utter rubbish. I totally agree with responsible parenting however common sense needs to be applied. I was obviously being responsible however clearly the policy would have benefitted the 4 drunken adults who crashed their child and buggy into my son, unable to stear due to intoxication.


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows that's shocking!! Bloody ridiculous! Grrr along with you


----------



## Frangipanii

need your thoughts!!! Dh and I are worried that as a family made by adoption, adoption is what defines you!!! I am completely peed off with the agency just discussing how hard it can be, how you need to not keep adoption a secret and more of how hard it is!! I want to focus on being a family not an adopted family who are always going to have struggles because we came togethert through adoption. I know they have to try and put us off and to try and make is overly aware of all the problems but I want to be a normal family not a family who has to focus on the negative. And remember I am adopted so I do mean 'normal' as a family who love each other and a family who are meant to be together!!
Rant over. sorry
Hi Aoc, lovely to have u back!!! xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Skyblue and Can't Wait - sounds as though you both have your work cut out for you -- in a good way!!!  


Loving reading your experiences!! Thanks. 


Noodles xx


----------



## Frangipanii

thanks Newmum2b glad i am not alone. 
And i am so glad to everyones stories on here. they get me through x x x


----------



## newmum

Frangipani... I know what you mean, I'm adopted also and all you here from SW sometimes is you have to do things this way and that way because adopted children are this that and the other. A lot of the
time I sit there keeping my lips closed thinking yes I and my child are adopted but why should we feel like we are being labelled so much. 


I just think a lot had changed and there is a lot more awareness about adoption these days and the SW are trained to prepare us. They are just doing there job! It will all be worth it and we can share our own experiences with our LO's nothing a SW can train us on. Yes they can prepare us but we have true real experiences.


I am also learning things and I am sure I will learn more on this journey and my SW is great. I am learning through stories on here and also from books, media and SW

Being a positive person is sometimes hard when you hear all the negatives but I guess it's all preparation for our journeys 


Phew thanks for allowing me rant  

Stay positive and keep smiling

Nm2b


----------



## custard

Hi Frangipani,
I can imagine that you must feel really frustrated by what seems like a lot of negativity around adoption and what it might mean. I do wonder though, whether actually the SW should be talking to you in terms of the trauma the children have experienced. Many of the issues suffered by adopted children are actually a result of the trauma that they have experienced - be it neglect, emotional, physical or sexual abuse - rather than the fact of their adoption.
I don't presume to know anything about your own life story, but I wonder whether perhaps there are two separate issues here, which are being lumped under the umbrella of adoption. Would it help to talk to your SW about the difference between adoption and trauma? Adoption doesn't have to define your family, but I don't know whether the ongoing effects of trauma might do...
I hope that's of some help. And I'd like to wish you lots of luck in your journey!


----------



## Dame Edna

Just spotted this and thought I would add my brief thoughts  

'trauma' from adoption is real and is due to being removed from a primary care giver.  It is a trauma, no matter how young an infant at time of removal.

Most of our 'modern' adoptions will see a child removed from birth mother and then foster carer (sometimes multiple foster carers).  This in itself is a trauma for the child.  

That is not to say that you can't live a happy life and be part of a happy family, post adoption, of course you can!

X


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi ladies. Thanks for your words. I do understand the differences and I do recognise what the children will have been through. I am not under any illusions of what the children have been through,  I have worked with many seriously abused children neglected, physically abused, emotional and sexual. I have see the damage. But i have also seen the hope, the beauty and the love. We are going for as young as possible with the hope of less truma and we are willing to wait. I just find it difficult to hear some many woes about it all and not the beauties that you read on here or. that I have seen. I recognise the truma from separation and loss, but no matter what I dont want to go into this waiting with baited breath for the sh#t to hit the fan. I want to carry optimisim with me at all times. And as a professional who has worked with children I certainly dont want to write children off and at times it feels that every meeting and every training you go on in centered on how awful it 'could' be. I hope you understand where I am coming from. 
Seeing social worker next week so I hope to discuss my concerns as you said it Custard it may be. good idea. Any way ranting helps ha ha!!! And u ladies,


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I agree Fran.  When we went into this the first SW we met put my back up so much.  Firstly she laughed as she said that sometimes people get really upset when they have to rehome their dogs...    Then when she came to the house she said 'you do know that an adopted child will never be the same as your cousin's little girls... Her implication was that we would never be 'normal' and that any adopted child was going to have issues.

I know most will, but the way she spoke she had written off all adopted children before they had the chance to blossom.


----------



## Frangipanii

I sometimes think Auntie Kate that they try and put us off to much. Also read somewhere yesterday that modern adoption is becoming more like fostering with contact being more enforced and the struggles being highlighted so much. I am inclined to agree in part. Also I think that there is a lot of theories and regard for theories but how often do the people writing the theories actually do the practical stuff. Sometimes but not always. Love is not a theory and a family can be made up of different pieces and still work. I am not for one second taking away the truma, or the history of the children but I am wanting to focus on resilience, love, togetherness and possibilities!! 
Glad I am not alone AK. x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Happy Easter ladies and gents have a relaxing day. I'm cooking for 9 so quite a chilled event after having 18 and 22 at Christmas.  Just keep thinking this time next year we should hopefully be approved and waiting to be matched. Every annual event after this will hopefully be our last as a family of 2 and dog. 2014 should be family of 4 (fingers crossed.) X x


----------



## Flash123

Gwyneth, it's funny isn't it? For so long your life is measured by family events, annual celebrations where you think "this time next year..." that's what I've loved about adoption, for the first time in I don't know how long, that is actually reality rather than just a dream that we hope rather than believe will come true.

Happy Easter everyone -those of you with your bunnies for the first time, for those of you with your bunnies for the many time or those without them for what hopefully will be our last time. Easter blessings xxxx


----------



## Doubleprincesstrouble

AuntieKatie Oh that SW was a nasty one. I think sometimes they just want to spook you.
Most of my previous childcare experience was looking after my niece. She has plenty of problem behaviour. When I described it to our LO's SW at the link meeting she said "These two aren't that bad!"..... and their not. 

Also we were totally open minded about contact, would have accepted direct. Now it looks like the birth family don't want any at all.

Had a lovely Easter. We had dippy eggs for breakfast, eat lots of chocolate and had a day out at the park!  

I know its still early days but I can't imagine being happier.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

Hope your all ok? 

Just wanted to ask a quick question re photo album for lo

We have been thinking about getting the talking photo album but now I'm thinking is our lo to be too young for it? He'll be almost 10 months when we go to matching panel we ideally want to have it ready for matching panel as he lives a little distance away from us do you think he'll understand it or should we go with more of a picture book instead. 

Thanks for your help

Hugs 
Emma xxx


----------



## peacelily

Tomy Talking Photo Album will be perfect    but if you're unsure, talk to your SW. Exciting times!


Peacelily xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks peacelilly I really wanted to get one so I think I will  

Xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

I agree with peacelilly Emma, Tomy talking photo album will be perfect for your LO  

Cheeky update for you all  
Things are going great. Had a fantastic Easter weekend where more basic meetings with friends took place and some more full on visits from family members that LO had briefly met previously. She's taking it in her stride now and is loving meeting new ppl (and the attention it gives her  ) Sadly our pet rabbit died Sat night so had to break the news to Poppet Easter Sunday morning   which was heart breaking but went as well as could be expected. LO knew she was poorly and had been enjoying caring for her so she was upset that she had died but she was hysterical or distressed so I'm glad she didn't take it too badly. She keeps asking where she is as she wants to feed/stroke her - I just remind her that sadly she died, her response is 'Ahhhh she was very poorly, now she's asleep' bless her heart. We've got her sleeping right through the night now   and since the clocks changed 06:30 wake up has turned into 07:30 wake up, infact DH's alarm woke us up this morning which was a shock to the system and LO was in bed until 08:00   lets just hope that continues. Sometimes she has a lunchtime nap depending on what she's done during the morning, sometimes she doesn't like today. Trying to force 19:30 sleep time is tricky, she's strong willed and wants to stay up but we are slowly getting there with her. She no longer kicks off and has a tantrum when told its bed time, she will quietly protest but comply. It's taking her a while to drop off so DH is sitting with her from 19:30 till approx 20:00 at the min, hopefully persistence will pay off and she'll start to drift off quicker. She just lies there and you think she's asleep but the she'll suddenly mention something that happened through the day - her little mind just ticks over and processes everything which I assume is a normal part of winding down and more so seeing there's so much happening in her little world at the min. We are currently watching Bedtime live on Chanel 4 hoping for some tips  
DH is back at work, things are going well so far when we are on our own, still lack in confidence taking her out by myself, I can manage a short trip to the shops or park etc but shopping centre, cafe, soft play I'm trying to get someone to come with me. It's nerve wracking especially seeing we are both still getting to know each other and build on our relationship, but we are slowly getting there. 
She has such a funny little character, she's so caring and loving then can be so boisterous and daring, wants to go high or faster on the swings etc chucks herself all over when playing, loves rough and tumble but then dead soft and gentle with her dolls and with me (my backs acting up again, I think due too picking her up and bending down a lot, my back needs to adjust to the new stress on it, she runs my back and tries to take car of me, lol). She's such a determined little girl but she's learning what's acceptable and what's not, she's learnt my look of love (as I like to call it) and knows what it means, hahaha. She's so cheeky and funny, great sense of humour for a 2yr old. I'm also surprised on her memory, she doesn't tend to refer to her life before coming home which I thought was just because she had forgotten but she can recall the most bizarre things from her time with us that makes me wonder how much is just down to her not wanting to talk about it rather than not remembering. She's learning new words and is trying to string sentences together, she's much more chatty and talking clearer, she'll pull out mackaton sign language when she can't quite get across what she's trying to say. She's so bright. It's hilarious seeing her try to explain to DH everything that we've done through the day when she gets in from work, she just explodes with excitement and all this toddler language comes flying out at a rate of knots complete with demonstrations and all sorts, hahaha  

Anyway just wanted to give you all an update as you enjoy them so much, I used to love reading posts from new Mammy's so wanted to make sure I did the same for all you still going through the process. All I can say is keep going keep going keep going, there's all sorts of hurdles in this process and introductions are hard, I found them very hard going, I had doubts (not enough to pull out) and worries but I kept my faith and pushed on and WoW aren't I glad I did. Life still has its moments of . . . Testing shall we say, especially when we are all sleep deprived or LO is deciding to push our buttons, but it's worth it. Even when we've had a few bad hours where she's acted herself, a little voice saying 'Im sorry Mammy' followed by a big squeezy cuddle makes it better. I still just melt when I see her every morning (yes even if it's a 05:00 start following a disturbed night) she's our world now, We adore every inch of her and everyday our love for her grows. It's amazing 😍😊😍 xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

WOW there was nothing cheeky about that post, apologies for the super long post. What can I say I'm a proud Mammy


----------



## Primmer

Thanks for the update Can't Wait - lovely to hear how it's going 

Emma - the talking tony photo album is a good idea. We got one for our niece who lives in Australia and we sent it out when she was born and my brother and sister in law played it over and over again to her and she loved it and recognised us on Skype from the album.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awww so happy it's going fab can't wait. I love reading your updates.

Thanks for advice my next purchase will be photo album lol

Can't wait to bring our little man home. 

Look forward to your next post. 

Hugs
Emma xxxxx


----------



## oliver222

Cant wait lovely to hear the update. Glad things are going so well.

Hs seems to be going well. Social worker is on holiday so have some homework to do. Was looking at Form F and looks like will need to do a family tree, ecomap and pen picture. Does anybody have any ideas how far back to go back for family tree and tips for pen picture or ecomap. Just thought that would try and get a start on them when have a bit of a break.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Oliver, we only had to go as far back as grandparents on familytree. For ecomap I did a spider type diagram with us in the middle and a green line to each person offering practical support, and red line for those offering pre planned planned (as my family live away) and a blue line for those offering emotional support. Along each line I wrote how many miles each source of support was from us where applicable

Didn't do a pen picture I'm afraid, but hope the rest helps a little.

Can't wait, love love love your updates, you sound to be a very happy family. It gives us waiting. So much hope


----------



## Lizard39

Hello  

I've been reading this thread for alittle while and love the post & support you give each other, but this is my first post. My hubby & I have recently decided to explore adoption & have been to 2 different LA adoption information sessions in the past few weeks and have a SW visiting us tomorrow.

Can't Wait & Skyblu your posts about intro's have been fantastic & I've loved reading them (and sharing with my hubby) especially after the intro sessions seems to paint quite a 'harsh' picture of adoption and your posts have been really positive.

I look forward to getting to know you all in the coming weeks and months.

Lizard xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Welcome Lizard congratulations on taking the first steps towards becoming forever parents.  Everyone's so lovely on here and loads of advice and support x x


----------



## Primmer

Lizard - welcome, I have only recently joined this thread but everyone is helpful and it is great to be able to read and share others progress.


----------



## Lizard39

Thanks for the welcome Gwyneth & Primmer - I guess we'll roughly be at the same stage as each other, which will be lovely. Also Primmer - I remember you from the OFU thread   - hope you are doing well


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Love hearing the lovely positive updates!!!  Keep them coming, really wish you had the time to post every day!  

quick update, we finally have a 'possible' from LO's SW!!  She's coming to meet us at the start of May!  OMG...  Can't say more just yet, but if things move on I'll update with more details.

So the next thing is to generically decorate the bedroom we intend to use and start to put together a plan for introduction book...    Exciting!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh great news Katie!  Fingers crossed for a smooth transition x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi everyone!

Welcome to the newbies x x 

Auntiekate - fingers crossed that this link works out for you x

Emma - we have done a talking album for both  and our foster carers suggested a dvd as well...prob more so for the older lo, ours will be 10mths and 2yrs...I think they will love them x 

Afu, I have 2 days left in work...eeeek. 1 week 5 days until MP, 3 weeks until intros, 4 weeks until they move in. 

I am so tired, I cant sleep well through excitement and worry...did anyone else struggle this close to matching?

Everything is ready now..dvd finished editing at 2.30 this morning as I couldnt sleep until it was done! 

X x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Welcome lizard good luck with your journey. 

Fab news auntiekatie xxxxx

A little update. 
Had phone call today off sw lo's sw and FC are coming to see us on Tuesday so I've got a book full of questions to ask FC think ill be keeping her here hours lol. 

Also we got some recent pictures today of lo he's changed so much he's beautiful. We're so excited. 

Hope everyone is ok? 
Hugs xxxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Cwtbm not long now honey so excited for you xxxxx


----------



## Primmer

Lizard - thought I recognised the name! I have LA open day on 18 April

Cwtbm - so excited for you, not long now 

Auntie Katie - great news! 

Emma - that is exciting!


----------



## skyblu

Can't Wait, lovely to hear your update, it sounds like you are all coming on in leaps and bounds and your little poppit sounds delightful.
Also sorry to hear of your rabbit. 

Welcome Lizard and Primmer, I am sure you will have loads of support on hear and good luck with your journey.

AFU, Our lo is doing really well and like Can't Wait's little poppit is into everything and anything and full of mischief 
She loves helping mummy put washing in the washing machine and handing me pegs to put the clothes on the line, to see her is so funny, it might take twice as long but she really enjoys it. When I am preparing lunch or supper she is there like a shot with her little step and watching with her big wide eyes and blabbing away in her own language, washing a few dishes takes for ever as she is there trying to force her way through to help. She seems to enjoy cleaning and has cost me a fortune in wet wipes, I caught her cleaning the wheels of her pushchair the  other day, but what made me laugh was that she was wearing my knickers over leggings and my husbands boxers over her head   and the rest of my ironing in her pushchair, what she was thinking I don't know.
We have had a break through with the bottles, we told her as she is now a big girl and she doesn't need bot bots anymore and we should put them in the bin, we were expecting riots, but she calmly went to the cupboard and put all the bottles in the bin and said bye bye to them, we also told her we had bought her new mobile to put on her cot that would sing her a nice soothing song and has a night light to help her sleep when she woke up in the middle of the night. She took all this in her stride but we were waiting for the fall out in the middle of the night, yes she did wake up at the same time but all we had to do was put on the song and say sleepy time and good night and she went back to sleep 
She is also now sleeping until 7.00 - 7.30 but I think this is more down to the time change, but so far so good. It has now been 2 night without bot bot and she hasn't asked for it so hopfully that is the end of it.

We went on a day out yesterday with my mum, we spent the day shopping for lo and she was brilliant all day. She showing early signs of the dreaded shoe and clothes fetish and I can see she is going to cost us a fortune in years to come. I wonder who takes after. 
She knows what she wants thats for sure, I fancied this dress in red but no she wanted it in navy and navy she got.
She is an absolute delight and I can't even imagine being without her now, even when she has a tantrum.
I am off to see ghost in Cardiff at the end of the month and I am already stressing about leaving her with DH, I know he is capable but he has never had her all day on his own and me thinks someone is in for a shock as she is full on from the time she wakes up  until she goes to bed, but he has offered and I don't need to ask him twice 

Just to echo what Can't Wait has said, yes adoption is hard and intros can be very draining and challenging but hang on in there because when you get your lo and you get over the shock how much your life changes and believe me, it does change you do wonder what did I do before and your lo will bring you so many rewards, it is defiantly worth all hoop jumping. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - when matching panel was close for us I had a huge wobbler, proper thought I was cracking up due to all the anxiety/nerves/worry/apprehension. It was about 2-3 weeks before MP so similar time to where you are now. I think I wrote a post explaining my mini break down, I went out and bought a ridiculous amount of tupper wear which for some reason made me feel a bit more prepared   Then a close friend came and told me to give my head a shake, which I did and I slowly started to calm down, lol. But really in all honesty I still had terrible nerves leading up to Intro's and they were even more intense during Intro's. But this whole process is a HUGE deal, it's a massive commitment and life does change significantly, it has to! To not have worries or nerves would be nieve and wrong. Just try and rationalise them and get through the next few weeks and OMG it will be so worth it. I can't wait to be reading your posts during Intro's and once your LO's are home. I remember reading your posts when you were considering profiles and when your 1st read your LO's profile and how over joyed and excited you were, it was inspiring to see just how determined you were to get these two little cuddles of joy, you've had a rough time during matching and lots of ups and downs but here you are finishing work and nesting for them to come home. They WILL be home soon, you WILL be a fab mam to them and you WILL get through those tough early days. What I'm trying to say is I think what your going through is normal, embrace it and move forward. Eeeee I just can't wait to read about your Intro's and have you move onto the post placement board as a Mammy 😃 Wohooooo

Skyblu - Our Lo's are so similar. Poppet is always under my feet trying to help and learn. They are so funny aren't they, they just love getting stuck in and 'helping' although yes it does make everything take twice as long or twice as difficult   Great news on the bottle front, well done. I think you've handled the situation great, you nipped it in the bud early into placement but yet dealt with it sensibly, slowly and sensitively as not to distress her. Give you and DH a pat on the back   P.s isn't the clocks going forward a total god send


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Just a quick welcome to the newbies

Loving all the stories on hear at the moment

Approval Panel next month for us I am a bag of nerves and excitement. I think DH is enjoying the break from SW whilst I am counting down the time till we see her next and read through our PAR

Nm2b x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

NM2B - It must be terrifying but remember they have absolute faith in you if they have taken you this far x 

CW and SB - I love the updates your LO's are absolutely adorable reminds us all why we are hanging in there. xxx


----------



## Flash123

Nm2b - I was utterly terrified leading upto panel. I remember so very clearly feeling that our failures to date had been due to something beyond our control but this was different. We had bared our souls in our par, if they said no it was because they didn't like what made us the  people we are and that was a terrifying thought. But take heart from what the others have said, they would have addressed any issues by now and they have faith in you, otherwise they would not be letting you go to panel. The last thing sw's want is a no ... It reflects badly on them too xxx

Cw & sb - such wonderful posts. They really are doing my heart good... And that's what I need at the mo! Xxxx

Hope everyone else is ok.
Sorry I haven't been on much lately. I'm struggling a little with our delay so I am trying not to let adoption and our lo take over every thought and am failing tremendously! I feel extremely frustrated at present and a little disheartened. I am currently on my Easter holiday during which I had planned to get the last minute things finished for lo And tie up the loose ends in school. As we don't know when we may be at panel I can't do those things and have had to spend my holiday preparing instead for a big school review that I had thought I would be missing...gutted   I suppose it serves me right for being so cocky in work thinking I wouldnt be there lol 

Take care everyone and stay strong. The evil forces on planet adoption may try to suck the positivity from us all  but we will unite and be victorious in our crusade. We have many who have battled before us and have survived. They have and continue to inspire us through this unknown, uncertain environment (sb, double princess, cw and all you others who keep our hearts going) so keep going my lovelies xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah Flash that sucks with work what a nightmare!! It's on of those where you would have started ages ago if you thought you were doing it I bet. Try and make sure you get some work free days in the hols for your own sanity. You're being so strong and it will all be worth it when Lo is home forever.  It is quick for you xxxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Flash123 said:


> Take care everyone and stay strong. The evil forces on planet adoption may try to suck the positivity from us all but we will unite and be victorious in our crusade. We have many who have battled before us and have survived. They have and continue to inspire us through this unknown, uncertain environment (sb, double princess, cw and all you others who keep our hearts going) so keep going my lovelies xxxx


   I love it!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Great Flash, I love it too!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, I haven't been on for a while as we thought we had a possible link with a LO and we were dealing with that but it wasn't to be and we have been taking time to lick our wounds. Finding this incredibly difficult and finding it so hard to stay positive. In the midst of new kitchen fitting which isn't helping with feeling positive and stress free. We just really hope that our LO is out there somewhere because it has been hard getting over this one x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am so sorry for your loss I hope your lo finds you quickly x


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Greenie huge hugs - I know about failed links and they really take it out if you as the LO consumes your thoughts. It just means the right LO is finding their way to you and when you meet them you will know its worth it.

Flash - the waiting is so much more difficult when you know about LO. It's hard to not feel aggrieved that you are missing out on these weeks waiting but once LO is snuggled up with you it really won't matter as you have years ahead. I always got annoyed at this but I had to let it go. There are zillions if milestones when your LO gets home and they just make you smile all the time.

AFU - little man is just perfect for us and has taken to life very well. I have found the two steps forward one back a bit if a struggle at times and don't think we were as prepared for the first few months of placement as we thought. Everyone tells us LO is doing amazing but difficult to understand shy he reverted back to waking 3-4 times a night a few weeks in just when we had got a good routine etc. lasted for a few nights then back to full nights sleep. From research it seems to suggest its where younger ones start to become attached/bonding and so now looking in the bright side of such behaviour.
Hugs G x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Have been pondering being a mummy, mainly because I am poorly today (can't move far from the loo... iyswim) and was thinking how I would cope with a LO!  Not so bad if you don't have to go out, but once they are school age you have no choice but to get up, dressed and drive them where they need to be.  OH leave for work at 6am and can't just take the day off.  Not that I'm complaining about any of it, it was just running through my bored brain.  You don't get to take a duvet day when you're a mum do you.


----------



## newmum

Thanks flash and Gwyneth for your kind words x 


Flash hope you are feeling better soon and like you say stay strong

Greenie I am sorry to hear about your link, LO is out there 

Nm2n x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

So sorry greenie big hugs. Hang in there lo is out there waiting for you xxxxxx


----------



## Arrows

Auntiekatie, you do what you have to but that's why they try and ensure you have a good support network to help in times like those! You OH will be entitled to parental days to help look after your LOs so though they may feel dedicated to their work they can and WILL have to take time off occasionally!
I was ill a couple of weeks ago with tonsillitis and LO was ill at the same time with an ear infection. A friend came over to give me moral support on one of the days and pushed me to get on (much appreciated and a wonderful friend) and after a really stressful and exhausting day where I didn't feel well enough to cope any longer I called my DH who left work an hour early. Although it didn't mean a lot practically, knowing he was coming helped me to keep going and kept me from bursting into the tears!
I also took our LO to a local toddler group who were having a lunch party after for Easter.  As an acquaintance helped out and had spent time with our LO, I was able to get her to help me and that also gave me some support.
Before kids, we had a friend's 6yr old son stay with us for a week as my friend was rushed to hospital with a kidney infection and almost died (thankfully is fine now). While staying with us, I got a nasty stomach bug and in-between all the fun sat by the side of the toilet for 3hrs in the middle of the night, the boy wet the bed -both he and all the bedding needed to be changed but somehow we managed! My DH took him into the bathroom for a quick clean and change of clothes, while between bouts of sickness I changed the bedding.

You'll manage cause that's what you have to do! Normally I'm a terrible patient -off to doctor straight away, very demanding and totally woe-is-me, never mind that often my DH has either had or got the same cold/illness I do. All me, me, me! This time, although I got the support mentioned, I took LO to the doctors and didn't bother with myself. I just kept thinking 'One more day. It'll be better tomorrow.'


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks ladies. Feeling a bit like we're grieving for something we've lost but she was never ours in the first place. You do get emotionally involved though as you have to start imagining them as part of your life. This is the first LO that we have been potentially linked with. I think SW is busy in the background at the moment so fingers crossed our LO is out there somewhere. It's been so lovely catching up on some of your news and your updates on LOs...keep them coming x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Unfortunately OH is self employed so won't get paid if he can't work.  That's not to say he can't take a day off every now and then if needed but it's not as simple as taking a parental day and if he has to be in work he really HAS to be in work.  He will be able to leave early if necessary though, on occasions.    We are having to put aside some savings to ensure he can take time off for intros and the first week or two at home but we are going to try and plan it so that on some days he can go on to work to put some hours in etc. 

We are lucky in that we live in a very supportive village and I'm sure that once LO (or LO's) are home and we start meeting other mums a larger support network can be formed.  In the mean time, I have mum, my aunt and friends around too.  It's just you do want to try and cope as much as you can don't you, without relying on others, but I guess it all comes in time.


----------



## Sq9

Massive   to everyone.  So much going on and so good to read about it all, good and bad.  We've got our second hs session tomorrow so house is tidy and biscuits ready - had to buy them this time as the oven blew up at the weekend in the middle of cooking Easter Sunday lunch, so couldn't make cookies! As you say gwyneth, better it happens now! Take care xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Greeniebop - So sorry to hear your link fell through   It must be awful to go through but it must not of meant to be.   you find the right LO for you very soon     xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Sorry for no personals. Just a brief note. Last home study today. wow what a feeling!!!! It is not quite cork the champagne but it surely is the end of one stage and the begining!! Quite happy. Also joined adoption uk and bmp so we have started looking around although not with any hope in our hearts. 
Sorry to hear about your news greeniebop!!! 
love to all x x x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news Fran congratulations!  Lolly finished her home study yesterday too.  X x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Yay Fran, snap!!  It is a good feeling isn't it?  Although slightly surreal and while in part I feel better I know panel is approaching so that is my next 'eeeeeeek' moment  

Greenie I am really sorry to read that, it must be a very difficult time at the moment.  i hope another LO comes along quickly to heal your heart.  Then you'll know it was all meant to be


----------



## Flash123

Greenie, I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I was heart broken when I thought our link had fallen through so I can only imagine your pain. Someone a few pots back compared it to a mc and I can totally relate to that comparison. From the moment you ushered about a lo you start planning and dreaming... It's impossible not to. Take care and you and dh look after yourselves xxx

Auntiekatie , my dh is the same - Self employed so he too will get diddly squat. Luckily, at times he can be very flexible, just hopng those time co-incide with times when we need him at home, somehow i doubt it lol it never seems to work like that!

Lolly & fran - wooohooooo, now for round 2. I loved receiving and reading our par. She sent it by secure e-mail when I was in work so I spent ages trying to read a 60 odd page document via my phone - I wouldn't recommend it .

Sq9 hope today goes well.
Gwyneth , I'm impressed. Are you on your Easter holidays Yet you are still up and posting before 8 o'clock in the morn. Good girl  

Afu, I must say our and lo's sw have been utterly amazing trying to sort the delay. They have really gone out of their way to sort things and we are so grateful. As I said on the other post I feel really guilty letting off steam the way I did and saying what I did but it really mattered to us. They are really positive the delay won't be too many months, (I'm whispering this part - may get to may panel OMG) and plans are being made to meet ff. suddenly once again it seems real. Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Flash so pleased   can be answered sometimes. My DH is also self employed he has his own limited company so he is always up by 6 am. I've never been a great sleeper so I can't get back to sleep once he's up and about. 

So happy with all the great news on here. Need some good news for Greenie and  then we will all be back on top  x x x x


----------



## Sq9

Have everything crossed for you and lo flash   .  Greenie, so sorry for what you are going through but your lo is out there, just not quite ready for you yet  
My dh also self employed - he's in the building trade which has been very unpredictable in the last few years so hoping that won't be a problem.  I know we can cope financially, I just hope ultimately the panel agree.
Take care xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

We're the same building trade. Ask up front what they want our agency only wants the last years accounts (which are good) however the two before that not so but as you say we'd always cope and always have done. Check what they look at it will probably give you peace of mind - it did me x xx


----------



## Ourturn

Hi everyone 
Great to read so much good news! 

I will soon turn from lurker to poster as our prep course finally starts in a couple of weeks. Its taken nearly 6 months since initial enquiry. As we knew our LA was/is incredibly slow we have told no one of our adoption plans. However it looks like we will need to tell a selective few as we have to fill out a form ahead of prep which includes references. 


I am still waiting for a SW to get back to me, but my question is this. I have a close friend (who knows us both) with a baby but she is also an ex sil. Will they classify her as family? 
Also they are asking for 4 family references, 2 from each side. My family is tiny, with just one sibiling. The sibiling could be a referee but that's it. My mother has a mental illness (under control with meds) and the sw we saw a while back said she could not be a referee. Also worried as DH's family live across the pond. I can't see the SW's flying over and its unlikely they'll be over any time soon (one is on a wheelchair so very difficult. Do you think they'd be happy with skype? 
Thanks  x


----------



## gettina

So pleased to read of positive steps forward all over the place, Flash, can't wait, skyblu, lolly, Fran, nm2b and anyone feeling pleased with progress at the mo!
cwtbam - getting exciting!!

Greenie -   for your not-to-be link. So hope you find yourself at the start of a magical journey soon.

Ourturn I don't know the answer to your question I'm afraid. I am keen on positioning things how you want them to be viewed. So i would put her down as a friend assuming that's where you want her to sit and if the SW objects and classifies her as family then you'll have to rethink but I shouldn't think that would be a big deal and she might be happy to go along with it - more so than if you simply asked her.

Bit of dull Q for you I'm afraid. We are on HS and our SW isn't keen on giving much of a brief when it comes to homework but then tells us we've done stuff wrong. Fine so far, but we are on quite a tight deadline with our narratives. When we asked how long it should be and what it should cover she just said not too short and to cover our lives from childhood to now including our relationship. This could be reams or could be boiled down to a few key events!! Help - did you guys structure it by stages, eg young, teenage, adult, relationship or some other sensible breakdown and I'm right to think we are expected to include how I felt about events/changes/people, not just report the facts aren't I?

Our SW is lovely but I'd really welcome a little more guidence than we are getting. I'm optimistic you can share some pearls of wisdom with me.

thanks lovelies,
gettina


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi gettina, mine was 5 pages and DHs was 2! I just started from first key memories and then just sort if went with the flow. If your LA do the same as ours SW quoted ours in our PAR. Mine darted from life experiences, key people in life etc. I just wrote it all down and then cut and paste it into some sort of order.

Thanks for your kind words ladies, we have been short listed again for another baby but trying so hard to keep some 'distance' and not get our hopes up. Waiting on her SW to make a decision, really hope that's its us as she is perfect but have a sinking feeling it won't be us. Finding it all a struggle at the mo but know our LO is somewhere and praying that it is this one x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you x x


----------



## Sq9

greenie. Have got everything crossed for you.
Gettina - our first bit of homework was just childhoods so not including our adult relationships.  It was quite long (about 7/8 pages) just for that but I took the view the more the better then sw can pick what bits she needs to use and ignores the rest.  We were given a sheet of questions to cover but were told to do it as a narrative rather than just answering the questions. Sw looked quite shocked when she saw how long it was, but we've seen her today and briefly went over it and she was really pleased it was so much. Don't know if that helps!
Happy weekend everyone!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Greenie I've got everything crossed for you honey. 

Flash fab news so pleased for you 

Big hugs everyone I'm off to start cleaning again ready for ff visit on Tuesday xxxxxxx


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone 

Out turn I would just say she's a friend and was once your Sister in law then up to SW what she/he puts down
We had to put 3 references but SW didn't ask specifically for relatives, so we put down 2 mutual friends and my sister in law. My Mum was actually a bit put out because she would of loved to be interviewed and experience our journey with us. Not sure about Skype? Our SW had to visit a friend and drove 4 hours away. Also I have lived in many pubs and student accommodation, holiday parks including time abroad and SW had to contact all LA. I think the abroad address is taking some time though. Do all your references have to be family? If its difficult for DH won't mutual friends do?

Fran and Lolly triple snap we have also finished home study and waiting for approval panel, be nice to share experiences with each other moving forward. Not sure about you two but I felt totally emotionally exhausted when we finished, even burst out crying in work! Not like me at all, but had a lot going on and coping with my brother passing away in top off everything

Gettina our SW left us questions to answer which formed our homework and made it easier, so it's hard to give you advice sorry 

Greenie   and   stay strong 

SQ9 how did your HS go? Did the biscuits go down well?  

Skyblu and cant wait how you Mummy's getting on? 

Hi to everyone else 

Nm2b  x


----------



## crazyspaniel

NM2b, Lolly and Fran well done for getting to the end if home study !!
Greenie, fingers crossed you get a link this time or v soon x
I'm also in the self employed DH/P gang, hoping time off for intros works out ok...
Flash, glad to hear things are getting sorted fingers crossed for May panel xx

We're also hoping for May panel, hopefully official matching meeting will be the week after next   
My amazon wish list is filling up nicely ;-)
Have made a few little purchases but not brave enough to get too much yet!!

 to everyone else

Growing crazier by the day spaniel


----------



## Ourturn

Thanks newmum and gettina. 
They want 4 family referees (2 on each side) AND 3 friend referees who know us both well. Will put down ex sil as friend and see what happens. Have tried speaking to someone all week about the forms, no call returned. Found out today that the person who can help won't be back until the time the forms have to be with them. Not impressed at all   
Thing is most of our family references live in Ireland. Its not something we can help. If its going to be a show stopper need to know now so we can switch la's. Sis lives 3 hours away. Only two of the 7 referees will be local.

Greenie will keep everything crossed that this works out for you

Being at the end of homestudy must feel like a great mile stone   


x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Crazy & flash hopefully may panel for us too, how exciting we're all going through this together. 

Crazy we've bought loads haha but gone generic on some things got the furniture on order have bought blue cot duvet and curtains  

Hugs xxxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Emma, we've haven't met FC yet so don't know what LO sleeps in, cot bed or single bed? Have got curtains but no duvet etc til we know what size to get! 
Have ordered baby book for adopted children though and wooden letters for bedroom door...! X


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwwwww lovely. 

Good Idea waiting to order bed or cot we've gone for cot bed as lo is 7 months so we didn't need to worry about that.
Love the wooden letter idea we're thinking of stencilling his name above his cot but I think ill still get his name for the door too. 
FC is coming Tuesday so big clean this weekend. Also I have a double a4 size list of questions she'll be here all day that this rate lol. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Crazy & Em imagine if we are all at may panel...how fab will that be. Our lo is 6 months so we've gone for a cot bed too. The room is finished really but is still quite generic. The walls are light grey and all the furniture is white. We are just going to tart it up with Specific things when we know for sure. Haven't bought bedding yet apart from normal white baby blankets because we don't know what he uses yet. Navy curtains are ordered. Our lo shares his name with my younger cousin. He was so thrilled when he knew about our lo that he took down the letters off his door and gave them to us...bless him. We've also seen a fab wooden name sign to go on the wall behind his cot but I'm trying to resist  don't know for how long though lol
Our turn, it's so funny how la's differ so much with what they require. I hope you get it sorted because it's so hard anyway without worrying about things that I think are unnecessary xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwww that's so cute flash you youngest cousin must be so excited. 

I keep seeing things and thinking don't buy it yet just incase but sometimes I can't resist haha. 

Hope it all goes to plan for you now honey. 

Not long till may arrrrghhhhhh

I've never wished my life away so much haha xxxxxxxx


----------



## skyblu

Greenie, fingers crossed this link is yours and comes along quickly 

Ourturn, start from your earliest memory and work on from there, as the others have said your SW will take out what she wants and what she doesn't. Good luck with your journey.  

Flash and Emma, just been reading your posts re: the cots/beds, as your lo's are quite young I would ask your SW and your lo SW if you could have your lo's cot/bed or at least the mattress. The reason I am saying this is, lo will settle a lot better having their familiar smells and comfort from their own cot/bed and bedding. FC are not allowed to use the same mattress for different children, each child they have have to have a new mattress. Our lo came with her cot, mattress and bedding and I am sure this has helped her settle as well as she has. Social services will have the cot/bed back when she grows out of it. Ask your SW about this as it does help and safes you a bit of money 

AFU , well it has been 4 nights now since lo put her bottles in the bin and she has done really well.
Last night we thought oh here we go, she went to bed at 7.30 no problem  then woke up at 10.00 and asked if she could have a little bit of bot bot, which I told her "no because you put them in the bin and the rubbish men have taken them". She just looked up at me with her big eyes and went a "little juice then", I gave her a little  bit of water in her cup and said "sleepy time now" and couldn't believe it when the alarm went off at 7.15am this morning, our little princess slept all night for the first time. Such a proud mummy 
Hoping tonight is going to be the same.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks for the advice sky blu ill ask sw on Tuesday. 

So glad everything's going well honey xxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi!! Thanks All. 
Ourturn....thats a lot of references!!! Jusy being devils advocate but what if this agency is not quite what you wanted?!? 
Skyblu....love the stories keep me smiling inside and out!!! xx
NM2B and Lolly when are you at Panel?Congrats on end of hs!!!!!!!!!! that eeeek feeling is getting bigger by the day Lolly!!!
NM2B...yes very exhausting and very selfquestining and thoughy provoking. I am so sorry to read about your brother, that is awful, my condolences. deeply sorry for your loss. 
Anyway best go as must sleep as will not get out in morning to sort my herd out if I dont x x x


----------



## newmum

Thank you Frangi pan for your kind words x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

NM2B I am so sorry about your brother loosing someone so important during this journey makes it 100 x harder. You have truly done amazingly to get to this point x x


----------



## Sq9

Nm2b so sorry to hear about your loss.  
Hs session yesterday was ok.  The main topic was identity which we found quite difficult just because it is not something we have ever really thought about - I suppose I take my identity for granted and don't really think about what makes it up.  Next session is mainly about finance so hopefully my mind will be put at rest about dh being self employed.  We talked about it on the initial visit and didn't seem to be a problem so hopefully will all be fine.  Sw didn't eat any biscuits after all that  
Hope everyone else is ok.
Take care x


----------



## someday

Greenie so sorry. I can imagine how you feel.

We go to matching panel in under two weeks! So excited but worried panel will be the trauma it was last time. They kept us waiting ages to tell us we had been approved. Even sw was getting worried. Then it was unanimous approval! No idea what took so long but it was stressful. The room is nearly ready just some finishing touches. They will share a room as they currently do. It seems like I'm in the wrong house when I walk into their room full of kids stuff. What really gets me is seeing the cot there. I have to pinch myself!! This week we meet the la doctor, there are no medical issues but its just a formality. 

This week we need to sort out the photo albums. We got the Tomy one. We also live near the beach so plan to head down and make a couple of sand castles and put a photo in the album. I think it would be good for them to see the beach as we live so close. Dread the us pictures though as hate photo taken but hey its all for a good cause!!


----------



## Doofuz

I hope you don't mind me posting here, it's been a while since I have frequented the boards. My husband and I are pretty excited - approval panel is next month and our 2nd Opinion meeting is this Thursday - he's treating me to lunch as we feel it's such a milestone  Is there anything we could be doing, other than planning outfits and wondering what questions they are going to ask? I am reading the posts back on this thread so I know where you all are on your journeys


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Doofuz, All the best for panel. We just read through our PAR and to be honest the chair came in before hand and told us the questions she asks as standard. We didn't have any other questions and it was all done and dusted in 15 mins inc our SW going in before hand. I'll Pm you the questions I can remember and hope they help x


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you Greeniebop xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hope PM makes it to you if not let me know x


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Can I join you guys? After 3 unsuccessful IVF attempts we have decided on adoption as our way to have a family. We have had our initial home visit and start on the Prep course next Weds (17th), eek. I am a little bit nervous but also excited, just because it is the unknown. It said we would be given written tasks to do between each of the weeks and this scares me a bit...

Looking forward to getting to know you all over the next months.

Ali x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Ali, Welcome. Please do not worry about the home work it is very managable. And there are always people on here to get advice from. I wish you the best for your prep group, ours was really good, slightly emotional but good emotional!!! love to u x


----------



## Doofuz

I really enjoyed the homework, but I have always enjoyed homework. I liked that it gave me something to do while we waited


----------



## Flash123

Me too doofus, I really enjoyed getting my teeth stuck into something


----------



## Frangipanii

Yeah me too and in fact I would have liked more!!!  xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all

Hope everyone is doing well.  Welcome Ali!  Like the others said the homework is fine.  A bit thought provoking at times and you do have to cast your mind back often, but I found it really enjoyable as I kept remembering happy times and ringing my family up with all these random memories!!

How are my panel buddies doing, Frangi, Newmum and Doofuz?  I say panel buddies, and all things point towards the fact we will be at May panel (ie, SW said we would be!), but as yet we don't have official confirmation - still!!  But oh well, what will be will be I guess, I have very much taken that attitude regarding timescales (at the moment!)  SW is over half way through our PAR now, she has been emailing questions where she sees there may be a gap.  The latest is all about our perception of equality and diversity... i'm sure I wrote tons on that!!  

Love to you all, Lolly xxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Lolly, 
Kinda feels weird with no homestudy booked now. I miss knowing it is coming up. We are unlucky as panel is not till June, we thought May but the agency are having a busy Panel and we are on the bottom of the list so hey ho thats life!
Not had any news on PAR yet but soon hopefully. 

Have you started looking on CWW and BMP?What is on yout shopping list? I know it sounds awful calling it that but it is truely like a shopping list. I was telling a friend all about the matching process the other day and she said it is awful, I agree but at the same time I think it has to be done. The exchange days, the magazines, etc. Quicker the better for the children.
Hoping the next ten weeks flies for me!!! xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh no, sorry to hear that Fran.  To be honest I would be surprised if I am posting the same type of message in a week or so.  We don't technically have to go until June either, and is what we thought.  SW then believed we would be ready for May and is rushing like mad to get it done.  But without a date booked in there may not be room by the time she decides whether we will be 100% ready or not.

I know what you mean, I really struggled with matching considerations.  I work with a lot of children with the needs described and it is actually the favourite part of my job.  I then felt a right hypocrite saying no to these children and that it was like saying 'little Sam who I see every week is not good enough for my family'.  SW assured me it was not like that at all and parenting is very different to a 2-3 hour session once a week.  She also said that it was an informed decision as I knew what types of difficulties certain conditions may present.  To say that we have said yes to a lot of things like delay, speech and language needs, attachment problems (that is a given right?), history of neglect, abuse, medical conditions, drug and alcohol misuse (within reason) and many other things she presented us with.  Of course you can never say yes or no without seeing the child's full profile and history though can you?  We have an age range of 0-3 and are now thinking we may be more keen to be placed with a slightly older child because of the uncertainty a bubba may bring.  But I guess I am hoping that when we see the profile of our child we just know


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

A woddly toddly got to love them


----------



## Frangipanii

Funny how we all feel awful for being honest!!! It is awful, I too have worked with children with different needs but would i try and not have those needs in my family, yes of course. We have been overly honest and possibly a bit harsh but sw knows that. We said no to lots but said obvioisly if our child/children developed them then we wouldnt have an issue. Our sw says to see it like you are not having your nio children and so you get to be a little picky on stuff instead. 
I am not entirely sure that attachement etc is a given i think it verh much depends on age and resilience. You have to also remember that some children have been taken into care because of the experiences of their older siblings and in fact have had a wonderful start in life. It is complicated I suppbut I dont think I can go into this automatically expecting to have problems and vice versa. I suppose we have to see what happens. And try to be honest and open minded. 
We have gone 0-4 as we want two, and have asked for healthy as possible children with as little social probs. Obviously we have that written on paper but have told our sw that we are a little more flexible than that. 
Have u started looking!? It think its really hard. xxxx


----------



## Doofuz

We're good thank you Lolly, I like being a panel buddy  Our SW has been emailing questions all week. Mostly about the dogs, finance. 

You sound like my husband and I, we are struggling with our choices as we have spent so much time with children who suffer with much more, we feel like hypocrites not wanting to choose a child with those issues. Our age choice is also 0-3 but are now thinking more 3+ for the same reasons.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

So we are all feeling guilty then?!! But I keep thinking that to say yes to a need we felt guilted into accepting is simply not fair on that child who could have their needs better met in another placement. I think on the attachment issue I was meaning there will always be some considerations, maybe the transition of their healthy attachment with foster carers to us. Hopefully with careful intros and things we will put in place at home we will be ok. It still all feels surreal


----------



## Doofuz

I couldn't take a child on that needed more help than we could give them, that would be so wrong, all because we felt guilty. We have started to accept that we can't take them all on, we can only do what we can and put all of our love into the child we get.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Exactly. It still feels a bit like shopping for a child but it is for the greater good in order to find a matching and have a successful placement. Have you bought anything yet? I got stairgates when they were on offer recently, then freaked out that we had jinxed everything and shoved them in the garage


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ha ha you can store stuff in my garage if you don't want to jinx yourself


----------



## newmum

Hi doofuz and welcome 

Hi lolly we are fingers crossed going to panel May, SW e mailed yesterday to say she hasn't started on our PAR yet!!! She is very organised so hopefully she will start on it straight away

When we discussed matching we did say would discuss on alot because the scale of the categories can be for example wears glasses to blind. We have said 0-2 yrs 11 months and both male or female. I don't think it's choosy just needs to be right for LO and us

I've started buying eeek and hiding stuff from DH bought some plastic plates and cutlery and a starter pack which includes plug socket covers and door locks etc they are on offer in Mothercare 


Frangi we have been left with a magazine with children and I don't think our LA do exchange dates at present.

Hi to everyone 

Can't wait and sky blu it's been a while since you've posted a bet you are really busy with your LO  

Nm2b x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, 

How are things? Following your conversations, I don't think you are being choosy. Our SW asked us what we wanted and when we said 1 or 2 under 4 male or female she kept pushing us to be more specific. She said that most people she has dealt with have a very specific age range and favour a gender.

We are still waiting to hear if we have been selected by LOs SW. I emailed ours yesterday to find out if any news but there isn't. Have really tried to distance myself from this one after last time but think she is adorable and perfect. Will be absolutely gutted if it isn't us so ave everything crossed. Am managing to keep myself occupied with new kitchen being fitted....it's chaos 
Take care everyone x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone 

Meeting went really well, FC is lovely and she really liked us. 

She's sending him with everything she has so we're stopping buying now as he has everything hehe she offered his cot but my parents have bought us one already we will take his mattress as its familier to him. 

Saw lots more pictures and swapped mobile numbers today with FC so it's feels another step closer. 

We are booked on 21st may panel so all paperwork has to be in by 30th April. 

So excited we're counting the weeks now 42 sleeps to panel haha. 

Hang in there everyone it does happy I promise. 

Hugs xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Sounds so exciting Emma, bet you can't wait x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

I can't it's so exciting it still feels unreal. 

Hang in there greenie you lo is out there I promise you xxxxx


----------



## Primmer

Greenie - keep the faith you will get your lo 

Emma - that is fantastic, you must be excited now!!


----------



## newmum

Greenie fingers, toes and everything crossed, stay strong

Emma meeting sounds very positive, great news


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

Greenie - everything crossed for you hun, the waiting is torture!!!    

Flash - glad thi gs are moving forward,   you get your May panel 

Emma - glad your fc meeting went well x Time will fly by and you wil have your lo in your arms in no time x 

Someday - think I have asked before but what is your panel and intro date? X

Afm,  finished work now....am having a full, deep house clean! This time next week mp will be over and we will be celebrating I hope!!!  

Had our time today, on first , we have been told to take books and videos and the sw will go and show the children in the afternoon. I was speaking to fc weekly, but have been asked by sw not to call now until after panel...apparently because we shouldnt really have spoken to her until after mp...may be to give the ff some time to say goodbye or me being me thinks it could be because they think panel will say no....what do you think?

To everyone doing hs, you will be approved in no time good luck ladies x xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

It will probably  be SW  being a bit precious and wanting to be the link on everything doesn't want you sorting everything between yourselves lol. No way they'd say no at mp gone way to far exciting x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Cwtbm don't worry honestly there is no way they'll say no at mp. 

Our sw was the one that suggested we swap numbers with FC today and FC has already text me so you have nothing to worry about your babies will be home before you know it how exciting

Relax this week now if you can honey have some you time before you life changes forever 
Arghhhhhhhh it so exciting. 

Well as long as paperwork is submitted for panel before 30th April were on track for may so ive counted the weeks and 6 weeks today is panel and ill be finishing work 6 weeks on Friday. Can't believe it. 

Hope everyone is ok? 

Hugs xxxxx


----------



## ChickenLegs

New mums, I'm so excited for you both   And only a tiny bit jealous.

Our approval panel might be pushed back to July, if our SW can't get referee interviews done in time   Fingers crossed for speedy paperwork!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Fingers crossed Chicken Legs, it's amazing what they can do when under pressure. Good luck x


----------



## GERTIE179

CWTBAM - our la don't allow you to swap numbers etc until after MP. The fact the SW is planning on taking your items to children after MP (and not waiting for decision maker) speaks volumes that everything is fine. It's normal to worry though. Our la are quite strict about waiting on decision maker and this was chased up to prevent a delay on intros.
X
Ps get lots if sleep and time for you. I wish I had time off wifi before MP although I would probably have not slept through worrying lol


----------



## custard

I think it must depend on the LA... Ours encouraged us to speak to the FCs from the point where all the SWs were on board and proceeding with the match. We can email, or call them after 8 once the LOs are in bed. Obviously the FCs didn't speak to the LOs about us until after their SW went out to tell them about us (after MP was safely ratified). But it's been good to get to know the FCs and to hear about the little details of their lives. Once we're doing intros in less than a fortnight, we'll be in their house a LOT, so it's great to have got to know them quite well.

I'm sure there are good reasons for doing it either way. It's just another example of the lack of consistency across LAs, so try not to worry about it too much!


----------



## Lizard39

Hello everyone 

I love reading this thread & the support, knowledge & experiences you all share. As we are just started out on our adoption journey I don't feel I have any advice, but I'm sure that will come over time!  Just had good news today that the LA that we really liked & wanted to go with has unofficially accepted our application & booked us on the July prep group course. They can't officially accept our application as the SW said they would then have to get us to panel in 6 months, from today - so think they will officially accept it in June! In the meantime the SW suggested hubby & I  read up on adoption etc, get started on voluntary work with children and spend time with friends children - so a anyone else who has afew months to wait for prep group might be good to do these too! 

I'd also like to start thinking about the HS homework - so we don't have to rush or be up against tight timescales during the actual HS. If anyone can share what type of things we'll need to do I'd really appreciate it - or PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting them on a public site. 

Thanks lizard xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations Lizard amazing news x x


----------



## Lizard39

Looks like we'll be adoption buddies Gwyneth as your prep group is just a month ahead of us. Will be lovely to share are experiences together xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Yeah ours is a day a week for four weeks so should start home study at very similar times fingers crossed x x


----------



## crazyspaniel

What a long 3.5 weeks its been! 
The official matching meeting will hopefully be held next wk, although this hasn't been officially confirmed... 
Fingers crossed will get matching panel date then!!  

Love to everyone


----------



## Primmer

CrazySpaniel - fingers crossed for you.

Lizard - that is great news! I have started reading a book called What to Expect when Adopting which is a good as a starter in reading material.


----------



## Lizard39

Our prep course is beginning of July, so as you say fingers crossed we'll be going through it together  

Primmer - I've ordered that same book and just started reading it. I'm finding that and this thread is providing me with lots of  great info. Hubby is going to read it after me - as I forget he doesn't come on this forum so I know a lot more about the subject than him   - though I do read quite abit to him from here as it great! 

Crazy spaniel - think we have to have the patience of a saint on this journey. How about a really last treat - go to your favourite restaurant or spend the whole day in bed at the weekend watching movies etc - anything that takes your fancy that you won't be able to do so easily soon! 

Hi to everyone


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone, sorry for lack of posts, I seemed to of migrated over to the post placement board where I've been getting wonderful advice of the adoption guru's of the forum  Don't want to neglect you guys but it's getting harder to find the time to post.

Anyway things are going great 😃😍
Our LO said to me the other day that Mammy Pig was Mammy, Daddy Pig was Daddy, She was Peppa but where was her George?? 😳😁 Crikey she's only been home a month  Not quite ready to be thinking of number 2!!

Can't remember if I told you guys but our rabbit sadly died on Easter weekend, was awful telling the bairn. She was old and I could tell she was dying so we prepared the bairn explaining that she was very poorly, she was so caring and worried about her, bless. LO was talking to a rabbit in the pet shop that was the double of the one we lost saying 'Im so sorry your poorly' 😪 Ah bless her heart. Had to explain to her again that our rabbit was now asleep forever and although that rabbit looks like her it isn't her. Don't think she really truly understands though. But on a brighter note we now have two baby boy Guinea Pigs 😃Oink Oink! The LO is fascinated by them and after lots of discussion we figured it would be good for her to have her own contribution to our pets, her own little friends in her new home, hopefully will help her feel more secure and settled knowing they are all hers and here to stay just like her. That's the theory anyway 😕

We had a few issues with sleep disturbances last week as LO was having nightmares, she had been pretty much sleeping through so it was a shock to the system suddenly having to be with her for up to 3hrs in the wee hours but after having advice on the post placement forum (Deff join once you have a LO home) and seeing her point of view a bit clearer things are now improving. We've had wake ups the past few nights but not from nightmares just random things like the quilt falling on the floor etc, once I resolve the issue she settles a lot quicker than she was post nightmare, it literally only took minutes last night so huge improvement.

I've been out for tea with a friend tonight and left them both to it, it was hard to switch off and not worry how it was going, but everything was fine and under control and I was back in time for a bed time kiss & cuddle 😊

For everyone still going through the process, keep moving forward and jump over any hurdles that get in your way, you will start to see the finishing line very soon and it will be amazing. For those waiting for matches stay strong, the perfect LO will come along eventually and it will all just fit into place. The waiting and failed links must be agonising so I   for quick matches for you all but once you have a LO home that just fits perfectly into your family and life the whole process just seems so worth while and just makes sense.   To you all xx


----------



## skyblu

Lovely to see all is going well can't wait. Again I am sorry about your rabbit. 
Nightmare are awful arnt they. Our lo had one last night and was the worst one yet, the scream she let out was awfull both dh and jumped off the sofa and ran to her room where she was hysterical. Bless. It took about 5 min to calm her down but as she is so young she can't tell us what it was about. I think our lo is a bit younger than yours, ours has only just turned two. Ithink the nightmare was set off by a hospital appoitment we had with her pedatrician yesterday and she was looking for her older sister who unforunally is being placed sepeatraly. She did'nt seem upset but did ask where she was and axcepted that she wasent going to be there, so just thinking was that the reason for the nightmare 

Lo met dh parents today who live in Spain and as we no longer have a spare room they are staying with my parents. So tonight we had supper and bath at nannies which she thought was fantastic. The way she just excsepts new people is amazing, yes she was a bit shy at first but within half hr she was putty in their hands and was lovely to see both sets of grandparents with their grandaughter 
She is now sleeping through the night since we but the bottles in the bin she has been great. She still wakes between 10.00-1.00 but settles quickly and then sleeps through untill 7-7.30. She has had a late night tonight but went to bed no problem and hopfully will sleep through again tonight.

Dh has offered me a night away to see ghost in Cardiff in 2 weeks time with  my mum. I am looking forward to it but I know I wont enjoy myself that much as I will be worrying about them both. I thought It may be too soon so when I mentioned it to my SW she told me to go for it and enjoy it and recharge your battries.  She thinks lo has settled well enough and dh knows what he is doing and they both get along really well. S o weekend away it is then. 

Lo is starting nursery on Monday and is looking forward to it, she has told anyone who will listen to her that she is going to school as she is a big girl and bot bot is in the bin. 
She is a joy, I hope this is not just a honeymoon period as I feel everything has just gone to well and I am waiting for some thing to upset the apple cart.
As Can't Wait has said, hang on in there and keep jumping those hoops as it is so worth it in the end.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Have just finished reading 'Toddler Adoption: The weavers Craft' on my kindle. Although mainly aimed at an American audience it was quite a good read! X


----------



## Dreams do come true

Cant wait and sky blu - thank you for the updates, your littles ones sound like they are doing fab! I hope our los settle in as wel.

Good luck to you both, I hope it continues to be as magical as it is right now...they both sound perfect for you x


----------



## Primmer

Skyblu and Can'twait - thanks for the updates always good to hear how you are getting on.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

I just need to come on here and type to get things off my chest otherwise I am going to go mad. We are still waiting to hear whether or not LOs SW has picked us and I am really struggling to cope with the waiting. It's been 9 days and as time goes on I feel that it's less likely that its us. DH seems able to compartmentalise things much better than I can and as a result I am a bit of a mess. I just want to know either way now. I emailed our SW on Monday and there was no news and she said she'd be in touch when there was some. Feeling thoroughly miserable. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! 

Sorry for the whine, feel a bit better for getting it off my chest. Never thought I'd be wanting to go back to work but think it will keep my mind busy.

Anyway, enough if me. How is everyone? Loving hearing the updates. Fingers crossed that our LOs find their way to s all soon x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Greenie so annoying I just don't need for decisions at that end to take that length of time.  It's just upsetting and horrible for people.  Really hope it gets sorted in your favour x x


----------



## Doofuz

The waiting must be the hardest part. I really feel for you. I'm sure you will hear soon, and that whether it be this link or the next, your LO will be home to you soon  Enjoy the weekend, even if it rains and hopefully Monday will bring news x


----------



## ChickenLegs

That's so tough Greenie. The SW must have no concept of how hard this must be for you. Fingers crossed.


----------



## thespouses

I haven't been in the chat thread for a while, just checking in.

I've just found another adoptive mum in the area, little boy the same age but placed when quite a bit older (so she's still on adoption leave, jealous!), we are going round next week to meet them! So excited!

I have noticed a lot of new people coming on here, which is fabulous, I wonder if it's anything to do with the government promoting adoption a lot at the moment?

Other than that, we are all well, little boy is doing well at nursery and very happy with his keyworker (phew!). He is supposed to be napping now but I can hear he isn't, better run!


----------



## Lizard39

Greenie - I'm no where near that part of our journey as we are just starting out, but OMG it sounds so hard  . Is it worth one last phone call to your SW this afternoon before the weekend to find out what the delay is - there might be a valid reason which would put your mind at rest and mean you and DH can have a relaxing weekend? I would be like you and thinking about it all the time , but my hubby too has a way of compartmentalising stuff and I think would be very much like your DH. Let us know how you get I if you cal ths afternoon xxx

Hi the everyone else - rumour has it the sun in coming out this weekend, so enjoy


----------



## snapdragon

Hi everyone. I've not posted for ages so thought I would do a little update. Lo has been with us for over 3 months and we have our final review next week. Everything has been going great and a lot of the earlier issues we had with food have improved hugely. He is pushing the boundaries a lot at the moment but this is pretty normal for 2 year olds. Its  mostly climbing on the coffee table and window sill and hitting the tv screen. He is still waking at 6-6.30 but we have had no night time waking for weeks. The biggest problem we probably have is he often wakes very grumpy after his nap.  The other day he woke in hysterics shouting no no no and would accept no comfort and kept pushing me away. This lasted about 40 mins and was very distressing to see. He seems very happy most of the time and is very affectionate often coming up and putting his arms around me and giving me a kiss. His language is coming on but he can't put 2 words together yet so his health visitor is coming back to see him when he is 2 and a half. This can make things difficult as he can't communicate about how he feels and I know causes him frustration.

Anyway I see there are lots of new posters at various stages and all I can say is that its so worth it however long it takes.


----------



## Handstitchedmum

thespouses said:


> I have noticed a lot of new people coming on here, which is fabulous, I wonder if it's anything to do with the government promoting adoption a lot at the moment?


Hi, thespouses. We have been preparing for adoption at our own pace the last few years. As we are about to put in our official application, it made sense to start participating more in adoption groups. Truthfully, we have been following blogs and forums for a while now. I especially enjoyed following yours as we are considering an international adoption for our second child. I am dual-national.  We are hoping to be matched to a local 0-9 year old of either gender, for our first child.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greenie -   I know what you're going through, we were kept waiting for a long time as well, its unbearable. Can't give you any advice other than stay positive, our waiting paid off. Can your sw chase them and ask for a date that they'll have the decision by? Good luck Hun, I have everything crossed for youxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Just wanted to pop on to give Greenie lots of hugs   Just like CWTBM we were also left waiting weeks for a decision. If you remember we were shown our LO's CPR the night before we flew on holiday as it was emphasised from the LO's SW that one couple had already expressed an interest but they were interested in us and didn't want to wait the 2weeks while we were on holiday for us to know about her as they wanted to hold a matching meeting the next week while we were on holiday and wanted to get things moving ASAP!!   Well the matching meeting was cancelled/rearranged 3 times due to staffing and sickness etc, so the rush to read her CPR and make a decision hasn't been necessary. We were told by our SW one Wed morning (4 weeks after informing Lo's SW that we were in fact keen to proceed) that they still had no news and didn't even know when the matching meeting was re-scheduled for. It was agony, I was loosing faith, stressed that I was getting attached to the idea of getting LO as it just consumes your every thought and you can't help thinking 'what if' and dreaming about life with them. Well that same Wed, a few hours after being told there was no news our SW rang out the blue and said the matching meeting had been held that day (which she hadn't known about) and they had chosen us! It was so random and unexpected, I had tried to switch off from it all due to the prolonged waiting for an answer then suddenly the answer we wanted was there and here I am writing this and keeping one eye on our little monkey at the same time, hahaha. The waiting is horrendous and I hope that you get the answer you are hoping for very soon. Best of luck, try not to worry as a long wait isn't always related to a negative out come.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you everyone, I love this thread as you are all so supportive and it's the one place that I feel safe to have a good ole rant and not feel judged. X


----------



## newmum

Aww greenie it's so tough isn't! Big hugs to you and glad you feel a bit better after your rant on here!


The spouse always said I would adopt years ago! Just been something I have always wanted to achieve 

Hi everyone have a good weekend x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Big hugs greenie, we had to wait nearly 3 weeks its awful hopefully they'll let you know very soon. 

Xxxxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Greenie so sorry to hear what you are going through!!! Fingers crosssd it gets sorted soon!!! xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Greenie, sending   and positive vibes! Xx


----------



## Sq9

greenie.  I think of all the stages of adoption that need to be looked at, it is the matching process that needs to be overhauled.  It is awful for adopters waiting to hear, but it can't be good for the los who could be moving to their forever families much sooner if it wasn't for all the red tape and seemingly avoidable delays.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Sq I agree, its awful! We found out about our little ones 5 months ago....its ludicrous!!!!

But....its worth the wait x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks everyone, feeling a bit happier this evening. Spinning nearly finished me off and cleared my head and fur baby has given me lots of cuddles so all in all a more positive outlook. 

5 months CWTBAM!!!!!! That is crazy but as you said, it is worth the wait. Good luck for intros x


----------



## rosie pie

Hi ladies, please can I join you?

My dh and I were approved as adopters on the 7th March and are delighted. Am not to sure of the difference between a link or a match   but we have been given the CPRs for brothers aged 7 months and 19 months, have met their sworker and have said we would really, really, really love to adopt them!! They only got an adoption order on the 1st March and we have been considered for them throughout our assessment. Sworker has been on holiday for 2 wks and each day has been agony waiting!! she is back tomorrow so am praying for some feedback.

Having more chidren has been so far out of my reach I can't quite believe that we may finally achieve our dream. I read an article written by Lisa Faulkner where she quoted 'IVF tore me apart and adoption put me back together' - totally how I feel.

For those of you just starting out I can honestly say this is the best thing we have ever done.

Hooray the sun is out at last


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all - not been on for a while...but been following your posts.


Rosie pie - love the quote 'IVF tore me apart and adoption put me back together' - how well put!


Greenie -   for answers very soon for you - it is ridiculous the amount of Waiting when these chn NEED a forever home. 


Skyblue and Cantwait - Thanks for your updates and encouraging words. I never tire of reading about your lives. 


Us - well we've been to meet the foster carers and they were absolutely lovely!! They were however visibally upset with LO leaving them. DH and I found this very upsetting but hey ho...I guess that is their job. Anyway they were very approachable and couldn't have been nicer    We were supposed to start intros May?June but they are thinking end of June now. Girls it feels like a LIFETIME!! We got our match at the end of February and its all I can think about. So fed up with the wait - DH is worse than me. After hearing how wonderful our LO is and the foster carers bringing LO alive with their excited chatter I feel I kind of know him all ready and I want him home!! Also feel ever week that goes by we are missing out on important little milestones in LO life. LO is 2 and is apparently really coming on now! ......so frustrating....The waiting and wandering and worrying drains me. 


Anyways sorry about that....I didnt mean to have a rant but ....obviously I need it!!    Back to work tomorrow and more waiting...


Lots of love to all those out there going through the system. Noodles X


----------



## Dreams do come true

Noodles   its awful waiting, since we have been officially linked time seems to have moved faster. I spent the time shopping  

Rosie my understanding is when you and a LOs sw agree that you are the right mummy and daddy for a child it's a link, it becomes a match after matching panel.  Good luck with these los, we are at mp tuesday for a 10mth old and 25mth old eeeek.

All....I am in COMPLETE panic mode now.....cant stand the thought of a no!  

For those who have been to mp, what were you asked and how long did it last?  X


----------



## someday

Greenie I'm so sorry you are being put through this. If all our fertility journies were not enough!  I hate that some LAs and VAs do this form of matching. Ours thankfully doesn't but I think it must be heartbreaking.

We go to matching panel for our Lo's on Wed. So so excited. Nervous about panel again but so excited about finding out when we meet them. Room is already for them. Took photos and a friend is coming around later to do the dvd for us. Our little girls birthday is a few days after panel so I have got her a card but I'm not sure if it is the done thing.


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,


I have been more of a lurker than a poster for many months now, however i am now feeling i am ready for the opposite.


Our approval panel is set for may 10th. We have had our PAR back and it took so long to read the 74 page report but i loved reading it, our sw has done a fab job and makes us realize she knows us so well. We miss home study and the chats we had with our sw.


We heard from our social worker this week informing us of a slight problem which could delay our panel date. The Police check from when i lived in Spain hadn't been done and i was told i had to get the checks done.
So i got to work and i have to say it was rather stressful as i did not know where to start, however i got there in the end i still don't know how i managed it. I now have all my paperwork ready and shall post this off to madrid first thing in the morning to ensure a speedy return, the ministry of justice states the turn around is 3 to 10 business days so i am stressing big time cause if it isn't back for 9th may we cant go to panel. We shall just have to wait and see. Has anyone else come across this if so how long was the wait to get the checks??


There is so much support on here for everyone and all you ladies are amazing, a true inspiration.


Looking forward to chatting more xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Hello everyone,

Lovely to read lots going on at the moment  

Unconditional-love - hello   I'm a newbie too on this thread but in just starting our journey with prep groups in July. Good luck with getting the paperwork back from Spain.

Cantwaittobeamummy & Someday - only 2 & 3 more sleeps til matching panel. Hope you manage to sleep & the next few days go quickly. Once you get a yes   at MP how long is it til you start introductions? 

Noodles - as you have meet your LO FC I assume you have gone and been approved at MP ? How come its another 2.5 months til introductions? Is this standard timescales ? Just keen to understand for when we   get to that stage


Hello Rosie Pie - welcome & I also love you quote ''IVF tore me apart and adoption put me back together'. We are only starting our journey so learning all the time! Did you know you we're being considered for the LO's during your assessment or were you told once you'd been approved? 

Can't Wait & SkyBlu - hope you have had lovely weekends with your LO - I love reading your post  

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend  

Lizard xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Rosie Pie - Welcome and good look with the link, sounds amazing and hope it becomes an official match soon. The waiting for an answer is hard isn't it.

Noodles - my god! I wish SW's would pull their finger out, it's so annoying isn't it. But the time will fly, enjoy every min of your 'couple time' before its full on family time. It's so hard to do and everyone told us to and we thought we had, but looking back now I wished we'd done just a wee bit more. Just random stuff like walking alone the beach with a bag of chips, random drinks out one night after a hard day at work etc etc. keep it spontaneous and random because that stops once the LO is home, it's all planning planning planning, lol.  

CWTBM - you'll be fine at MP, they wouldn't take you this far if it was gonna be a NO! Our MP were lovely, the chair told us it was a unanimous Yes as soon as we sat down to put our minds at ease and then it was just general chat about why she was the LO for us and our plans for returning to work and childcare. It was much more relaxed and less stressful then approval panel, in our experience anyway.   You'll be fine I have every faith in your match, it's just meant to be. Good luck though   I'm thinking of you xx

Someday - Good luck for MP also   What a lovely idea for LO's birthday. Once the FC and SW explain to the Lo's about their new Mammy & Daddy (which for us happened the same day as MP) I'm sure they'll happily pass on the birthday card, it will be ever so exciting for LO. 

Unconditional love - Fingers crossed your paper work comes through in time  

Lizard - meetings with FC/medical advisors/nursery staff etc happen before MP. They are part of the report presented to MP. The only things that happen after MP and meeting BP (if suitable) and the LO's being told about their new parents and then obviously meeting LO themselves. All LA's work differently but that's the general gist of it. We knew of our LO Oct 2012, met SW Dec 2012, met FC and medical advisor Jan 2013, met nursery staff Early Feb 2013, MP late Feb 2013, met BM in between MP and Intro's then Intro's early March. Just to give you an idea or time scales. It's sometimes a bit quicker then that.

AFU - LO is turning into a mini me, she follows me about copying me and has started using my phrases and mannerisms etc. she's coming along so fast, growing and learning all the time. Getting to know her really well and bonding great. She's so funny, drives us mad at times but even then we can see the funny side of things. Such a little character, we are starting toddler group this week which will be erm. . . interesting   she's met more ppl now and everyone just adores her, we've had to ask ppl to back off this weekend and let us have some family time as I'm sure they'd all camp outside if they could, haha   We now have baby guinea pigs after our rabbit died over Easter   LO is so fascinated by them, they are her little pets. They are tichy and scared at the min so can't do too much with them other then feed them but she's wants to do that all day long, bless.

Will right a longer post soon, was trying to do some personals tonight. 
Xx


----------



## Lizard39

Love your update Can't Wait & fab to hear your LO is settling in so well. I know all circumstances & LO's are different but keen to hear how you decided when it was right to go to toddler group. I know we are only just starting our journey, but I have been wondering how you make friends once your LO comes home & arrange play dates(obviously not til LO is ready)? We are hoping for an under 2 year old & don't have any friends locally with toddlers. All my friends with children have meet a fab group of friends through their NCT groups who they socialise with, but obviously with adoption we don't have that instant group of people with children the same age. I know I'm a long way from this, but its something I've been thinking about alittle at the moment! 

Oh...and also, since your DH went back to work how have you and your LO generally spent your day? Has it just been the two of you? We have a good support network close to us, but no family (my folks an hour away & hubbies folks 3 hours away) and only 2 of our local network have young children - and even then they are 6years old & at school. So I was wondering (ok day dreaming  ) how I would spend the first few months with our LO once they are home & when DH goes back to work! I know I know, I'm along way from this, but has been on my mind recently!!


----------



## Arrows

Hi all. On mobile so will be short.
CWTBAM you will be fine. They asked us why we thought this LO was right for us, work, childcare and as we are Christian about religion too. It was a very quick unanimous yes.  Remember this is just a formality now. 

Lizard, I visited friends (neutral places I.e. coffee shop under instruction they had to ignore LO completely and absolutely no touching him for first month.) Took him to park, took him to feed the ducks. Family constantly wanted to visit so fended them off a while then organised those. Established a routine at home and just spent lots of time getting to know one another. I had to get out the house at least three times a week or I'd have gone nuts!

AFU, after 6 mths off I was due to return to work today but unfortunately my son gave me his stomach bug just as he was recovering so I'm in bed and he has gone off with Daddy who is dropping him off for his first day at nursery. Last night he yelled 2hrs nonstop for no apparent reason. Really unsettled after being ill all last week and having Daddy look after him yesterday instead of Mummy has really thrown him. I'm exhausted and fed up of being sick and it's only been a day!


----------



## Frangipanii

Hello

Arrows....nice to see you back. I am sorry you are poorly, I do hope you get better soon! What awful timing!!!!! xxx

Lizard.. glad you are getting all the information you need, I couldnt cope without this site! x

Cantwait.... dreams are made on the things you write! So lovely, 'cantwait' to be a family! xxx

Unconditional...sorry to hear of your delay. I hope it gets sorted ASAP! fingers crossed for you! xx

Someday...good luck for wednesday how exciting!!! xx

Noodles... you are at the end, I am sorry that it is delayed how awful but keep positive. I dont envy you meeting the foster carers, that is something I am dreading, how can they not be upset though I suppose. Best of luck to it speeding up! xx

Anyway best go hubby needs computer! xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Quick Question re some advice please....I've just phoned the local infant school to see if they are looking for lunchtime volunteers for extra reading etc. The lady was very nice but couldn't help so getting someone to call me back later today. Have you guys generally explained up front why you are volunteering -ie for experience for adoption or mentioned that later? It seems alittle weird speaking to a complete stranger and telling then we are looking to adopt. I'm happy to mention it if they want me to go in for an interview, but not keen talking about it in the phone. I have no ties what so ever to this school, it's just our local one.

Thanks for any quick responses ready for when they call back


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

i applied to a local youth group to help out with their cyber cafe one day a week and I was completely honest.  I explained that it wasn't entirely altruistic as we were applying to adopt and I needed more relevant experience with young children. But I'm generally very open and also I didn't know anyone involved as it's a couple of villages removed from where I live.  Hope that helps x


----------



## Dreams do come true

.....14 hours and approx 43 minutes until either my dreams come true or my heart is broken!

Will let you know how I get on! 

Pleaaaaaaaase say yes matching panel!!!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

They will!!! Of course they will!!!!     Now go show them what a fabulous mummy and daddy you will be to those beautiful babies


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lizard - not sure I can help much, I've got a few friends that live locally who have kids the same age as LO so that's helped with choosing a toddler group, I'm going to ones they go to. Just try and dive straight into a toddler group you wish to go to, I'm sure they'll welcome you with open arms. Or if your not quite confident enough with that talk to your SW as they are quite a few adopted parents coffee mornings, play groups etc around the country and you never know they might be one near you that will help you build confidence and make connections in the toddler world. But a little advice, try and remember that no one in the outside world knows your or Lo's background and if you behave calm and confident when out and about no one will suspect. No matter how nervous or apprehensive you are put a brave face on and you'll glide through as if you've always been doing it. I'm a generally confident person but taking LO out by myself the 1st few times was nerve racking but I just acted as if I knew exactly what I was doing and that I was totally in control   Your confidence soon builds up and everyone you come into contact with fusses over your LO and just naturally refers to you as Mammy (ie is this coffee for your mammy sweetie pie or for you? - said in jest by one waitress  ).
In terms of filling out our days we do all sorts, sometimes meet family or friends somewhere if they aren't at work, go to the beach, play park, soft play, feed the ducks, go for a coffee, even food shopping. She just loves being out and about doing what ever, she's happy going for a cuppa somewhere (well milk shake for her, lol). I aim to get out atleast once a day as she isn't keen on being home all day. When in the house we have quiet time/nap or paint/draw learn colours/numbers etc read a book, housework (she loves to try and help), play outside on scooter if whether is nice, feed and stroke the pets or even just watch a bit TV. It's surprising where the time goes, the days are flying by. Even with earlier mornings to what I would previously have, I wonder what I did with my time.
I did volunteering through a childrens centre who did all my background checks but managed to get me a place in a local private nursery. I was open and honest with everyone from the start but the again that's just me I don't mind telling ppl. I think they will want to know your motivation behind wanting to do it and I've always had a very very positive response to my reasons for voluntary work, I got loads out of doing it as well so Deff worth while doing.

Hope it helps  
Xx


----------



## Wyxie

A quick hello to everyone here.  I used to lurk on the forum when we were having fertility issues/treatment/pregnancies and miscarriages.

We adopted for the first time last year, and are hopefully about to do it all again with our daughter's biological sibling.

Things have been very on and off from Social Services about the second child and I'm nervous about the match, particularly as I'm also preparing my daughter for her brother coming to live with us, and I obviously can't leave that until after matching panel.  We went from a definitely would be considered first and no other adopters considered, to not even talking to us and looking for another couple which was just devastating when we'd been led to believe for so long that this child was almost certainly going to be ours.  Then they finally decided to come and talk to us, and it's all on, everything's fine, just a few months later than hoped.  What's a few months extra in f/c though, hey?  Trying very hard at the moment not to make our experience with children's social services make me extremely bitter, and balance the hope/excitement/panic/worry that we're making the right decision for our daughter and finding it as much of an emotional rollercoaster as the first time round, although very different.


----------



## peacelily

Wyxie said:


> Trying very hard at the moment not to make our experience with children's social services make me extremely bitter, and balance the hope/excitement/panic/worry that we're making the right decision for our daughter and finding it as much of an emotional rollercoaster as the first time round, although very different.


Wyxie - I couldn't have put it better myself, we're having exactly the same experience (though not going for a related sibling) second time around. Sending you sympathetic hugs 

Peacelily xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Cwtbm they are going to say yes your perfect for your babies honey

Ill be thinking of you tomorrow 

Hugs and lots of love xxxxx


----------



## newmum

Can't wait to be mummy hope tomorrow goes really really well, I am sure it will x


----------



## Wyxie

Peacelilly, have you got a possible match yet?

I'm finding it really tough at the moment.  In some ways it is too soon for Wyxling, in an ideal world we'd have another 6-12 months together at least before we add a sibling into the mix, but at the same time I think she will benefit from having an adopted sibling that's also a biological sibling, and in some ways she will benefit a lot from a sibling relationship sooner rather than later.

Can'twaittobeamommy, good luck at panel tomorrow.  Will look forward to hearing how you get on.


----------



## liveinhope

Wyxie we had a similar experience when sadly they decided against us to also have our sons birth sibling.  I will pray that your family is increased soon


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks ladies x


----------



## skyblu

Cantwaittobeamommy, your name is going to change tomorrow to IAMAMOMMY. I know it is nerve wrecking but trust us when we say "they wouldn't be taking you to matching panel if they didn't think you were a right match". It is just a procedure, stupid one but hey thats adoption for you. You will be fine. 

Lizard39 - Just be honest why you want to volunteer, but also make it clear you don't want the world and his wife to know as it is very personal to you. Good luck 

Liveinhope - I am so sorry you missed out on your lo's birth sibling. I find it ridiculous they chose someone else when I thought social services want to keep siblings together. I would be tamping  

Wyxie- good luck and hope things move fast for you.

Arrows- I hope you are feeling better soon. 

Cant wait - As always lovely to hear how you and lo are getting on, your days sound so familiar. How is the night time going? Are you still in the lo bedroom until she sleeps or she o.k to settle on her own now?

AFU - Well lo started nursery today  She didn't stop talking about going to school all weekend and this morning. When she saw the other children coming in the flood gates opened and I thought, oh oh this is not going to be as easy as I thought and then within minutes I was all forgoten about and she was happily playing when I left. The heart wrench and joy for me though was when ran out when I picked her shouting mummy mummy and telling me all about her day  Waited so long for this day.
My little girl is growing up so fast it is unreal. DH and I where looking back at the photos we have taken of her since we met and we can't believe how much she has changed, she has a rosier complexion and just looks happy and glowing.
No she is not an angel, she is a typical 2 yr old and does have tantrums, and trust me she has huge ones when she gets going but she has settled in so well. We can't believe how lucky we have been.

Keep going at it girls, it is worth it, but I feel for those who are waiting longer because SS can't pull their fingers out and stupid red tape 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Sky - fab undate xx

Cwtbam - good luck for today...it's the day your dream is going to come true xxx

Hi everyone xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Cwtbam- yay the day Is finally here. Good luck honey xxxx


----------



## Lizard39

Morning everyone - exciting day for cwtbam   looking forward to hear how it goes  

Can't Wait - thank-you for such a detailed response. I know I'm just daydreaming at the moment, but great to hear what you are up to on a day to day basis. 

Also thanks for your suggestions Arrows - hope you feel better soon. How did your LOget on at his first day at nursery yesterday??

SkyBlu - loving your quote ' The heart wrench and joy for me though was when ran out when I picked her shouting mummy mummy and telling me all about her day  Waited so long for this day.'  

Thanks for your advice re voluntary work AuntieKate & SkyBlu. I'll be honest but choose my words carefully & ask them to be discrete re our reasons why.

Hello to everyone else. Hope your enjoying your days. Can't believe it's only a Tuesday - feels like a Thursday to me!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Ah Lizard, I really wish it was Thursday as then I would be off on my holidays    I don't think I've said hi and welcome yet so   When do  our start your voluntary work? Are you looking forward to it? I'm sure you will love it   kids have a great habit of making you smile  

Oooh can't wait, looking forward to the happy news, I reckon there'll be some serious celebrating later  

Skyblu what a lovely post, I welled up when you said she ran to you. She sounds to have settled so brilliantly, credit to you both  

How is everyone else?  

Well panel (if we make May) is a month today. I am sceptical regarding timings but would love to be pleasantly surprised. If not then June here we come!!!

Love to you all xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

CWTBAM - Cant wait to hear how you get on! Congrats in advance!   Mummy!!!!!! xxxx

Lizard - Make sure that you say the word confidential. It managed to get discussed to openly where I am volunteering and I had to do some damage control using the word confidential! 

Skyblu, keep your posts coming it is wonderful to hear how you are getting on and also in a very selfish way read about the possible future! Congratulations, it is wonderful to read! xxx

Wyxie- it must be so daunting but exciting, and I understand your reservations well not from an experienced point of view or anything. Ideally we would like two but I understand the need to feel like the bond is fully cemented before you have to do it all again. Good luck I hope it works out for you!

-x-lolly-x- Hi lady, how are you>? I hope that you get to panel in May! I have my fingers crossed for you! xxx

AFU! - not much going on, melting brain from the thought that panel is in June and on the one hand that feels way off and on the other it doesnt! Someone from our prep is going to panel today! Very excited for them! I am struggling with the what type of children do we want but I suppose that is part of this strange journey! 

Hope you are all doing great and looking forward to hearing CWTBAM's fantastic news today!
love to all! xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Liveinhope, thanks for you good wishes, I'm so sorry to hear that you weren't allowed to have your son's sibling. 

We had always thought we'd have Wyxling's brother, it's one of the reasons we were matched with her, we wanted two children and felt it would be easier in the long run if they were biologically related.  Then for a while we didn't think she'd be ready to have a sibling, but things improved so much at home and we decided to go for it, and were told it was going to be very quick, everything going ahead as soon as we were approved, he was on the new faster court track and had a placement order at 4 months old.  The day after we were approved our SW called to arrange the matching meetings and was told the situation had changed and we were no longer to be considered.  No-one had even thought to let us know.  I was absolutely devastated - we thought for so long this child would be ours and while I'd prepared myself for the possibility of us saying no if we had to, I hadn't been prepared for them to say no because there was just no warning about it, and everyone involved with Wyxling had been talking to us after it was all happening for so long.  It took months and a huge amount of hassling people for anyone to come and talk to us about it and there really didn't seem to be any reasons, although we had a suspicion that Wyxling's SW may have been behind the sudden decision to stop talking to us, as we have a very poor relationship with him.

Frangipanii, we also wanted two children and were potentially looking at trying to find a sibling group of very young children (one baby, one toddler) because I felt that while taking two children on at once would be harder, in the long run there wouldn't be the issue of introducing a new child when we were starting to get a first one settled, they would already be known to each other and used to being together.  It was suggested to us that we look at a match where there was a young child with a baby on the way, and I had reservations because what if the baby ended up not being for us for some reason, but was kind of talked into believing that was the best way forward for us


----------



## Ourturn

Wyxie and livinhope I'm so sorry that's dreadful   


Do you think it has anything to do with the latest theory that bio siblings should be adopted separately as they may end up re traumatising each other? Though I can't see how this would happy if they are adopted as babies/toddlers?  


x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Wow Wyxie, what a lot you've been through... Hope it all works out and you get your boy soon xx


----------



## Wyxie

In our case I think it was partly Wyxling's SW who just doesn't like us, and also because when there's a change in circumstances, which there had been, Social Workers need to talk to each other and make decisions, and that takes months every time, so we were just left on hold really.  Once we'd met with her brother's SW everything was back on again, so we're just hoping nothing else happens to throw a spanner in the works now.

A lot of LAs don't like to place another child so soon after a first and they do like a bigger age gap between children, given adopted children often have more insecurities so introducing another child quite soon can be much harder than having birth children close together.  They don't normally do it unless it's a birth sibling.  But we went through that when we went back to approval panel the second time (in detail - we were in for 2 hours!) and in the end they were very positive about what we'd done with Wyxling while she'd been with us, and that we'd considered the decision properly - we actually found it a really positive experience.

The problems with trauma bonds between birth siblings appear to apply more to older sibling groups that have spent a lot of time with biological family in very difficult circumstances.  But that doesn't really apply when they've never been with birth family together.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all, quick update from my phone...will do personals later x

So so so happy to say that we got a unanimous yes, we have 2 beautiful children, they are been told about us as I type and we meet them in 9 days  

Thank you all for all of your support and reassurance x

X


----------



## Lizard39

That is such wonderful news CWTBAM   - Only 9 more sleeps til you meet you gorgeous forever children. You must be bursting with exciting at the moment - thank-you for sharing with us xxxx


----------



## someday

fab fab news!!


----------



## Primmer

That is great news, so happy for you. 9 days will fly by


----------



## Beckyboo3

That's brilliant news ! So pleased for you x


----------



## Ourturn

Brilliant news CWTBAM....name change needed I think!             


Wyxie that makes sense. Really infuriating that a SW can wield such power


----------



## Wyxie

What brilliant news.  Such a happy day.


----------



## Dreams do come true

cantwaittobeamommy is now: dreams do come true (DDCT)  

Ladies 

I am so happy! 

Matching panel was hard because we HAD to have these children, but it was a lovely panel, everyone was lovely, friendly and welcoming. We were in and out in 45 minutes, whilst waiting we were given a list of questions to think about, the questions were:
How committed are you to your weightloss
How will you manage behaviour and attachment issues
How will ensure the younger ones needs are met
What expectations do we have for the children
Why these children
How will you promote the childrens history, including time with fc

It was a unanimous yes at panel, I got teary...was ok until we were asked why these children.  Think they saw just how much we love these children already, life feels amazing right now 

Sorry about the me post x x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Dreams do come true,

  

Fantastic news, wishing you a perfect happy ever after xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo so happy for you both. 

I love the name change. 

Not long now till you meet your children  xxxx


----------



## Ourturn

Dreams Do Come True...love the name change    What flavour and ages are they?


----------



## newmum

Dreams do come true   

Fantastic news

I've got Gabriella dreams can come true stuck in my head whilst on train home after work with a smile on my face and a positive tune in my head.   thank you  

Nm2b x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Love that song, I shall add it to my itunes now 

They are pink and blue, 10mths and 25mths when they come home 

Just off to celebrate with hubby


----------



## ChickenLegs

DDCT, that's wonderful news! Congratulations!


----------



## Belliboo

Dreams do come true congratulations on becoming a mummy & I hope the wait for you to meet your little ones goes quickly xx


----------



## Flash123

wooooohoooooooo!!!!!!!!!! you are a mummy! You are a Mummy! You are Mummy! - how good does that sound?         

blinking fantastic news.

We also had some wonderful news today. LO's results have come back and it looks like it will be may panel - 4 weeks today. OMG!!!!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

WoHooooooooo Dreams Do Come True        Amazing news - although we all knew You'd be announcing it   Must feel like a weights been lifted after all the worry leading up to MP. Congratulations I'm so pleased for you. Love the name change (I really should get round to changing mine  ) Can't wait to be hearing about introductions.

Flash that's great, thank god they have turned the test results around pretty quickly. Eeeeek not long now 😃 

Xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

I was inspired by CWTBM/DDCT's name change and followed suit  

Can't Wait = Poppets Mammy  

Xx


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations DDCT - how exciting! Enjoy every moment

Great news Flash 123  

When DS was placed with us we knew BM was pregnant and due any time but the spanner was in the work when she moved to a neighbouring borough who felt for a number of reasons that a sibling match wouldnt be suitable - including the relatively short amount of time DS had been with us.  However we believe the most likely reason is because we would have needed financial support for me to take extended leave from work - certainly thats when they stopped being so positive!  Cant ever prove that but we are pretty sure thats the reason why!  The frustration is that if mum had stayed in the original borough little bro would have been immediately placed with us!

Onwars and upwards though.  DS has settled beautifully and at the end of this year we will apply to start the process again!  We must be gluttons for punishment although our DS has been worth all the heartache

Keep at it girls, you will get there!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

DDTC and PoppetsMummy I am loving the new names and wonderful news x x x x x x x x

Liveinhope I am so sorry about what you have been through it really makes me angry and sad for your family and the LO who has missed out on you. Wyxie I really hope everyone gets their acts together and it gets sorted. 

Flash so pleased that you are back on track I have had my heart in my throat just thinking about you over the past few weeks. 

I am so grateful that everyone shares. PM and SB I love hearing about your LO's and how amazing they are doing you both sound so happy and are doing an amazing job. 

Hearing LIH and Wyxie stories is really useful to help me guard myself and enter situations with my eyes totally open. Sharing the good, bad and the ugly is invaluable for us that are just starting out. So thank you all you beautiful Mummies and Mummies in waiting out there x x


----------



## Sq9

Ddtc and flash - fantastic news   

Hope everyone else is ok


----------



## bluebabe

Dreams do come true - co gratulations hunny, won't be long now xx


----------



## Frangipanii

congrats everyone with the names changes!!!


----------



## Flash123

cant wait...you had me well confused for a min. I love it he he xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Yaaaaaaay!!!!!!! Congratulations dreams do come true!!!! We all knew they would love you. You must be floating. You meet your babies next week, ahhhhhhhh     

Flash that is such good news, you must be so relieved. I must say things have turned round quickly but imagine to you it must have felt like a lifetime  

Hi all, off for late night sneaky cake, blaming DF for having a birthday! It's not my fault...


----------



## Lizard39

What an exciting day & a great day for name changes   I was talking to hubby earlier & said how happy I feel & how our dreams of being a family feel so more certain now we are starting adoption.  I know its not all a bed or roses & the rollercoaster of waiting to be approved, matched & waiting for MP etc, but all of you post are so encouraging & reinforce that I know hubby & I made the right decision to start our adoption journey.

Night-nigh all. Sweet dream xx

Ps. Hi Lolly & thanks for saying Hi! Enjoy our sneaky late night cake


----------



## Doofuz

Congratulations for those with name changes, how lovely!

DH and I had a meeting today and it isn't the last one but it's blooming close, no more HS after Friday! Review meeting completed too. Apparently we are going to meet an adopter for a chat and some reassurance before panel so something else to break up the waiting. I have to admit, we came away with a couple of profiles, SW agreed that the children would be good matches for us...trying not to get excited but hard not too 

Congratulations again for the success stories!


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations   DREAMS DO COME TRUE   

Poppets Mummy, the name suits you, about time it changed. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Woke up and had to pinh myself!!!

Thankyou everyone!  

PM love the new name!  

Flash wooooooohoooooo 4 weekss until panel  

Doofuz yay to the almost last hs visit!!! Great that you got to meet some adoptors, andngot some profiles  

Lizard  glad youre feeling so positive, its an amazing journey isnt it?! Someone wrote the other day that: fertility treatment broke them and adoption had put tgem together again, that sums how I feel up in one sentence!

Lolly hope you enjoyed the cake  

My happiness is being followed by some sadness, and at the same time as been on cloud nine, I am really upset, its an odd feeling. I have 3 cats, the middle one who is 13, we have had her 9 years and she is one of my babies is really poorly, 8 weeks ago we were told that her lungs have lots of tumors, they said she was not in pain but she only had 8 weeks t live, I was and still am devastated. She has been happy, still purring and liking cuddles but the vet gave us some signs of pain to look for...we got back yesterday and she is worse, still not in pain but is struggling to breathe more - I know I need to call the vet, but I cant...I think she has a few more days - but then it will take us to intros, and we will be really sad. Has anyone had to put a cat to sleep before, if so how did you find the strength? I love her so much


----------



## ChickenLegs

Congrats Flash!  

DDCT, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, our pets are our babies too. Our little girl bunny died last year, but we weren't prepared for the ending to be quite so traumatic, if I could change anything I would have taken her to the vet and made sure she had a peaceful ending to a good life


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies, 
Hope you don't mind me posting here....I have been following your stories.....so glad to read the good news.
Do the agencies normally approach employers and previous ones?
Thanks for your time,  Lil one


----------



## Flash123

Dreams I too have been through this and it's heart breaking. Hugs to you my lovely. Fab advice from fran. From our first experience we knew to ask the vet to give him a heavy anaesthetic injection first which meant he just fell asleep in my arms. Selfish I know but it helped us get through it. It is a truly heartbreaking thing to do but it is the ultimate way to show how much we love our furbabies. Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could treat people with as much compassion? 
Take care xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Lil'one,
Employers are asked for a reference and in my experience an ex-employer was also asked, although i think this was because it was a job in childcare otherwise not sure if they would xx


----------



## Primmer

Dreams - sending huge hugs to you for your poorly cat x

AFU - it is our information evening tomorrow at our LA - I am feeling both nervous and excited. I really hope that all goes well and we can proceed


----------



## Poppets Mammy

DDCT - I've had numerous pets over the years and sadly the decision to put them to sleep when the time comes is still ever so painful. The worst for me was I took my Grans cat on when she sadly passed away, he was an old fella and a year later he had a stroke, the vet gave him some jabs and said come back in 24hrs and we'll see where we are, within hours I knew it was his last 24hrs, he was struggling in every way and I couldn't bare to see him suffer. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do as it was like saying goodbye to my gran all over again as he was my last piece of her. I wailed like a banchy in the waiting room as I had already made the decision, I took my mam with me (my gran was my Mams mam) and the pair of us were in pieces. My Dad and hubby came along but stayed in the car (Deff get someone else to drive you). It is so hard but once you've made the decision and done it you feel at peace that you have made the best decision for them and taken away their suffering. I don't know how you feel about it but I always stay with my pets while the vet does the deed, it's very dignified and I feel I owe it to them to stroke them while they fall asleep, it's quick and peaceful, they literally just fall asleep, the vet normally gives you a min or two to say good bye properly. It's never easy and it's such a hard decision but if you think your kitty only has a few days left you need to think of the quality of those few days for your kitty. Animals deteriorate quickly towards the end and you'll never forgive yourself if you try to drag a few more days out (which lets be honest is for you rather than your kitty - sorry don't mean to sound harsh  ) and your kitty suddenly starts suffering terribly. You don't want their last waking hours to be painful. Your best doing it sooner rather than later so neither you not your kitty suffers. Again I don't mean to sound harsh, I do sympathise with your dilemma as its terribly awful being in that position. Condolences to you and DH   pets are so important 😚 xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thank you ladies, you've really helped me, I have had Marmites medical records transferred to another vet, as they do home visits,I am going to let hubby make the call - I am going to ask the vet to come to my house to do it because she hates going to the vets, then I am going to get het cremated and keep her ashes so that she will always be here. It breaks my heart but I know its the kindest thing for her.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

DDCT - well done for making the decision, it's so hard. Sounds like you have a good plan there. We had the cat I spoke of cremated and buried he's ashes in a corner of the garden he always sat in and planted a new evergreen tree there as well so they'll always be apart of him in his favourite part of the garden.    xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Today has been an emotional roller coaster!

I spoke to the fc...our little boy has broken the tomy talking album by playing so much lol, doing another one now and posting it 1st class tomorrow!

He loves it, apparently he keeps turning the pages saying mummy, daddy and pussy cats!

The fc to him mummy was on the phone and he held the phone as tight to his ear as he could, I just talked to MY LITTLE BOY and he laughed because he recognised my voice.

Incredible x


----------



## newmum

H lill' one from my experience myself and DH only had a current employee reference requested

DCCT I'm sorry to hear about your cat    wow your LO sounds so sweet, that must of been an amazing moment hearing his little voice laugh with joy when he heard your voice., bless. 

CW aka Poppets Mammy love your name change 

With all this name changes I'm counting down the days when that will be me! Still got to get approved at panel, just over a month to go...


Nm2b x


----------



## Wyxie

DDCT I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.  I don't know what I'll do when the time comes to say goodbye to ours.  I think when you can't have children you tend to elevate your pets to fill that space and they do become very much a part of the family.  

lil' one all my employers were contacted, right back for the last 20 years, and almost none of them had anything to do with childcare.  It was commented on that a firm I'd worked for over 10 years ago hadn't replied.  I explained that the office I'd worked at was now closed and gave them an alternate address for the firm, but they didn't wait for that to come through before they started the home study.  I don't know if they ever replied.  I don't know whether every agency is the same.  It could have been because historically I had some medical problems and they may have wanted to know how that impacted on my day to day functioning, I did have an early medical and fairly extensive questions about my health which was gone though in detail before we went to panel.  Hubby's employers were all contacted, but he's only had 2, so not a big deal there really!


----------



## Arrows

DDCT, firstly congratulations! Secondly it is the right decision to put Marmite down- in fact we had a cat called Marmite and had to make the same decision.  Do it as soon as possible in the next couple of days and be careful about taking a positive stance i.e. yes we'll miss her but it's time... to the SWs as if you go into a downward spiral or get really low it can delay intros with are incredibly stressful and loaded with emotion anyhow and definitely not something you want to wait till after your LOs get home.  I'm sure you know all this already but anyhow, enormous hugs as I know it's hard when you have two emotions both overwhelming. 

AFU, next week is the court to make our LOs adoption official.  Last week he was ill, then passed it on to me so although he's been to nursery this week (hasn't gone very well) I return to work tomorrow. Our LO is back to square one with not sleeping and is so upset at me that he won't leave my side, he won't sleep at night or during the day  properly, he yells and cries day and night and if I even stand up he starts yelling thinking I'm gonna leave.  I'm exhausted, still not regained my energy from being ill myself and very upset and stressed about returning to work. I love him more than I could have possibly imagined but having kids is really hard work!


----------



## someday

Today our match was approved. SO SO exciting and I feel so overwhelmed and blessed. We will meet our little ones on 29th. Feels so very unreal. I think I need to change my name too for my Someday has come!!xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Wow, so much happening at the moment in this thread - I love it but can't keep up sometimes as i'm just getting to know you all  

Someday - fab news re matching panel - congratulations. Bet you are on countdown til 29th now - when do you stop work? Have you got everything redy or is it going to be a busy few weeks? 

Arrow - so sorry to hear your gorgeous   LO is struggling at the moment with you going back to work. It must be so hard when as a family you have come on sooo far since he came home 6 months ago. Hopefully LO will settle in afew weeks when he knows you aren't gonna leave him   hang in there xxx

Dreams do come true - what a lovely post. You must have been smiling none stop talking to your little boy. And how sweet that he kept playing his book over and over again. Good tip for some of us when we get to that stage - buy a spare book just in case! Have you finished work now? What are you going to be doing over next week. Sorry to read about your cat  

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Wyxie

Congratulations Someday.  Wonderful news.


----------



## newmum

Someday congratulations yes I reckon you need a name change too

Arrows sorry to hear your news sounds a difficult time for you all hope things settle down for you all again soon


Nm2b x


----------



## Wyxie

liveinhope said:


> When DS was placed with us we knew BM was pregnant and due any time but the spanner was in the work when she moved to a neighbouring borough who felt for a number of reasons that a sibling match wouldnt be suitable - including the relatively short amount of time DS had been with us. However we believe the most likely reason is because we would have needed financial support for me to take extended leave from work - certainly thats when they stopped being so positive! Cant ever prove that but we are pretty sure thats the reason why! The frustration is that if mum had stayed in the original borough little bro would have been immediately placed with us!


It's so sad that decisions like this are often made for financial reasons. It's so hard when you think a child is going to be yours for so long and then suddenly someone say no, they're not. We'd known about Wyxling's sibling since BM was three months pregnant and had a lot of info about him, so when someone turned round nearly a year later and said actually, no, I was devastated and furious. I did kick up the most almighty fuss tbh, but we were fortunately in a position where we didn't need to ask for financial help although things are definitely tight without me working, we can manage.

Arrows, I'm so sorry nursery isn't working well. It's so hard isn't it to leave these little ones, the insecurities just don't seem to go. We still haven't left Wyxling for more than a few hours, and only then a few times with immediate family, and it's been 11 months now since placement. We're hoping to have a sibling soon, so I've had to take more time off work anyway, but I'd realised that there was no way Wyxling was ready to cope with me going back to work yet, even part time. Hopefully once he realises that you are coming back for him each day things will start to settle down and you'll all be able to get some sleep again.


----------



## ChickenLegs

Congrats someday, so pleased for you!


----------



## Ourturn

DDCT - Sorry about your poor furbaby      


Arrows - so sorry you're having a hard time, it must be very tough     


Someday - congrats!                


Help please! My la want work references. Current one is no problem. HOWEVER I need to provide previous employer as have been with this one for less than 5 years. Thing is my previous employer refused to give me more than a basic reference for this job (despite over performing) as that is their policy, had to beg to get a personal reference out of them. If a company is so worried about litigation how likely are they to agree to do this? The main man is a bit of an ar**** and I worry that he will discuss me adopting with everyone even if I say its confidential...they link into my current role (its complicated) and report into us now. I'm trying to keep the fact we're adopting quiet for now..ie referees and immediate line managers as I do not want to be grilled about it every five minutes when the process is soooo long (has taken 6 months to get to prep!) 


Thanks


x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Someday is today! Congratulations honey x x x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Someday or should I say Today congratulations x x x x x x
Arrows, must be so tough hope LO settles soon. I'm sure they will.  
DDTC - so sorry about your fur baby as everyone knows pets mean so much to us that face such hard journeys to have our families. My doggy is my absolute world. 

I work in children's services so they will contact everyone I have ever worked for  . Nothing to hide just as you say don't really want them all knowing my  business. I am planning on contacting them all and being honest, asking them to fill it in please and to keep it totally confidential. However this is in part because they told me - don't worry we don't say why it's just sent out with SS on it and questions. I don't want people thinking I am subject to a professional investigation as daft gossip can be very damaging. So it's up to you I guess. It's a difficult situation to be put in. x x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies..


Lots of newbies on here it's great..  


Lizard 39 thank you all I can do is wait. I really enjoyed prep although it was very draining especially the full days. I too work voluntary in a nursery a few hours per week, I told them I was in the adoption process and would like to gain experience in child development so they set me on, then got more hours as a paid employee. I had to have a crb but used the one from adoption. Hope this helps!

Poppets mammy, thank you... Your little girl sounds adorable, glad she likes the guinea pigs, kids love their little pet friends.

Frangipani, thank you i am stalking the post man!!  

Dreams do come true, wonderful news you’re going to be a mummy so very soon, how special, your new name gives us all waiting hope.

Lil one, welcome... my agency approached only my present employer

Primmer, enjoy the information evening, I found it very helpful to take a note book and pen to jot as much information as I could, as I’m terrible for forgetting.

Arrows, good luck for court that will be a special day   

Someday... congratulations not long now roll on 29th 
 

Ourturn, my la sent for references from my employment but if you have to get your own then do so, and if it’s not kept confidential take it further they have no rights to discuss any further than the conversation they have with you. I filed a grievance towards my employer for this and other things; he has now been dismissed from the company. Make him aware of your intentions if this goes any further.  


xxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Fab news someday xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Someday 🎉😃 Amazing news, looking forward to hearing all about introductions. Sounds like you and DDCT are going to be placement buddies like me and Skyblu so the forum will be full of Introduction updates once again. It's so exciting 😁 Eeeee xx


----------



## Primmer

Someday - that is great news


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

wahoo congratulations someday xxxxxxxx

today we got the report that needs to be submitted for panel so we've filled in everything we needed to and sent it back to our sw who's going to read and print it and bring it to us on friday to sign then it can be returned to lo's sw for submission for panel.

we got a provisional date for intro's to start today 3rd june.

very very excited.

hugs to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## skyblu

CONGRATULATIONS SOMEDAY, YOUR DAY IS COMING SOON 

ARROWS- So sorry your lo is unsettled, I am sure it is a little bleep and he will soon be back to his old self.
My lo is the opposite, she started nursery on Monday and goes no problem, then as soon as I go to leave she cries and as soon as I have gone she stops and is all smiles when I pick her up  But since she started nursery she sleeps a lot better. Hope he settles down soon 

DDCT- Your post about your lo was lovely and I look forward to hearing how intros go. Also sorry about your furbaby, but as someone has already said, intros are difficult and as much as you love your furbaby you know what is coming and I feel it will be better to let him go now before he suffers to much and you get stressed and worry about furbaby while you are going through intros. You wont have time for yourselves let alone your furbaby when intros start. We put our dog into kennels for a few days while we were going through intros as we felt he was being neglected due from us not being there for hours on end and it was every day. It was the best thing for us and him. We bought him home the day we brought lo home for a few hrs and introduced them before furbaby's life was turned upside down for life the next day. 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi everyone

Just reading and catching up on everyone's news. Great to see how much progress a number of you are making on the old assessment process and congrats to those with LOs home or at matching panel stage. To those waiting for a match I hope yours isn't too long a wait. 

Finally got an initial home visit booked mid may! So it begins. Been keeping myself busy with work and then the hols. Told my boss the other day. Didn't know how she was going to be and she was made up for me and full of admiration. 

I must say I admire you all. Your patience, resilience and support of each other is wonderful. 

Hugs and best wishes to you all  xx


----------



## Flash123

Only a quickie till I get on later

Someday - wooooooohoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Utterly fantastic news . 
Mama someday - that gots a very good ring to it  congratulations xxxxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Emma - yay! Just 31 days until panel  not long now x x

Someday - 11 days until you meet your LOs! We are both adopting pink and blue siblings so we really are intro buddies!!! We were also approval panel buddies lol. How are you feeling today? X

Brummie - congrats I getting the visit booked in x x

Our turn - don't stress about employer references, not all of ours were contacted, they will be fine x

Arrows - wow to being so close to the court making it all official  sorry LO is unsettled, hope he settles down soon x 

Primmer - good luck at info evening, let us know how you go x x

Thank you all for all of your lovely comments about marmite, I love this site - it has been amazing for me throughout our adoption journey and I have no doubt that it will continue to be when our pumpkins are home. You are all truly amazing, supportive people and I am so grateful to you all for everything you have helpe me with over this past year. I hope that everyone's dreams come true, I am sure they will as you are all wonderful and deserve for them to x x x

7 days until intros OMG I need to get some cleaning done lol.


----------



## Dreams do come true

NM2B I think your name should now be Newmum2beverysoonwahooooooooo x


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## crazyspaniel

That's great news Emma! Sad not to bejoining you in May panel as ours is now June...

Arrows, hope things settle soon xx

 to everyone else x


----------



## newmum

DDCT       you made me smile with your response, will leave my name change once we are approved fingers crossed don't wont to jinx anything


----------



## Lizard39

Morning all. I'm just starting to think about afew potential courses/lectures that hubby & I might sign up to over next 12 months. Has anyone attended;

The Red Cross 'first aid for baby & child course for £45 which they run all over the country - http://www.redcrossfirstaidtraining.co.uk/Courses/First-aid-public-courses/First-aid-for-baby-and-child.aspx

The Uk adoption annual conference & AGM with Dan Hughes - which is 16th November this year and £100 for non members - so not cheap. 
http://www.adoptionuk.org.uk/information/309533/AnnualConference2013/

Any other suggestions welcome


----------



## Doofuz

The Dan Hughes conference is recommended, he is the attachment guru. The first aid course is a great idea, it's good to have the knowlege. It would go down with the SW and panel very well too


----------



## Frangipanii

Someday…..Congratulations that is wonderful wonderful news! I am so very pleased for you! Have you managed to calm down yet!?!”?!? xx 

Arrows…sorry to hear that you are still not feeling a 100% and that your lo is not settled. It must be an exhausting time for you. I hope it starts to go a bit more smoothly from now. Congratulations on your court date! Does time feel like it has flown by!? x

DDCT…. Have you managed to calm down yet, I cant imagine it,  it must be so exciting! 7 days to go, that is just too exciting to think about! Do you have a plan, is everything in the house ready or are you as my mum keeps discussing just going to go with the flow! 
Oh and thanks for writing down the questions, I like to over think everything so it helps when you get an idea of stuff!x


Emma…. An exciting time for you, 3rd June is NOT far away is it!? How lovely! x


Skyblu…..you have given me some food for thought regarding my dogs, think I will have to leave them with my folks for a few days while we do intro’s (when we get that far). We have many animals so think I may have to get someone to move in whilst that is going on. Pets have to be loved to ha ha! Oh and I love reading about your lo! xxx

Brummiemill……pleased that you got your first app, it must be so exciting to have a date and to be getting things underway! xx

Crazyspaniel…sorry to hear that panel is not till June now, I know you were hoping for May! But very exciting still anyhow!! How are you feeling about it all!? Xx x 

Primmer….hope that you have a great evening tonight at the open evening, and that you get all the information you need. And enjoy meeting other people in the same boat!!! Xx 

Someday…any news on your police check! I hope so, fingers crossed for you! Xxx

Wyxie…any news from you, been thinking about your possible match with in trepidation. Xxxx

Lizard….have you had any luck with voluntary work! I hope that you have managed to find something suitable! We are going on courses through our agency but other than that we are just concentrating on getting the house done and enjoying time together. X

x-lolly-x-…….I am sure you will make May panel, but just in case I have my fingers crossed for you. We wanted May as well but SW is on holiday, such an inconvenience, but never mind it is what it is! X


Hope e eryone else is great x 

Afu, we are just playing the waitin
game as we have done everything we need to. I have to say I am fairly bored of waiting and yet I have so much left to do! Best get on with the decorating I suppose then hadn’t I. And loose some more weight, although lost the ability to go to the gym!

Hubby takes a while to realise things and it is just dauning on him that this is very real now and that now social worker has said that she is recommending our approval it is just time until panel. My mum gave him a car seat the other day and he nearly dropped it in shock! His face was hilarious. He said this morning ‘why did we bother with that horrendous ordeal of ivf for so long, this makes so much more sense’ and oh I so agree. 

Happy Thursday everyone! xxx


----------



## Doofuz

Frangipani, what your H said about waiting so long, going through ivf etc - my H and I say that all the time  It's amazing what paths we end up taking


----------



## Dreams do come true

Fran - me and dh often say the same thing...now I am so glad that we went through 7 yrs of ttc and treatment because if we hadn't then we wouldn't have our beautiful children  I never EVER thought our story would end like this. X


----------



## Primmer

Frangipani - having read through this thread this process does seem to involve a lot of waiting! It will be worth it in the end and think I am going to have to find myself lots of things to try and keep busy!

Lizard - we have looked at the first aid course but haven't booked anything yet. The Dan Hughes conference looks good too.


----------



## snapdragon

Hello everyone. We had our review today and we can now put our adoption order into court for lo. Unfortunately it seems they work rather more slowly than I realised  Our sw said she is going on holiday in June and they wont have the paper work ready by then so the application wont go in until July. As far as I can see all that is involved is a form we fill in and then they finish it off and they submit this with a document which is basically our PAR and lo's CPR. Why that takes months I don't know. You can legally put adoption orders in at 10 weeks ours will be going in at 6 months.


----------



## Wyxie

Snapdragon, it's frustrating isn't it?  You just want everything finalised.

We had a similar experience, at the 3 month review it was agreed that Wyxling's SW needed 8 weeks to prepare the paperwork, which we thought was ridiculous (it isn't a massive report that the SW needs to do).  In the end he took over six months (he completed it in about three then did nothing with it for another three), and it wasn't until after we had the next review meeting 8 1/2 months after placement that he finally handed over the completed paperwork to our SW.  I was going to submit the application myself, but I was worried about rocking the boat when we were hoping for Wyxling's sibling to be placed, so we felt in the end we just had to wait.  Luckily the Court ours went to didn't have a huge wait for it to be listed and we got a hearing date about 8 weeks after the paperwork went in.  Wyxling's SW then didn't turn up to the hearing *sigh*, so the Magistrates didn't make the order.  When our SW called me to tell me I think she thought I would hit the roof but to be honest by this stage I am not even surprised.  I had been worried it would go right to the back of the queue for listing again, but the Court listed it again a week later and we finally got the Adoption Order today - just had a call from our SW.  At bloody last!

We're due to meet with Wyxling's brother's f/c next week.  As far as we can see it's all going ahead now.  I think my only worry is that it would be not unheard of for someone to meet with a f/c and be told the child is quite different from the incredibly easy, wonderful baby that the SW has been talking about.  In reality, we are accepting that there are more risks with Wyxling's brother than with Wyxling, because of what we know of the birth mother's lifestyle during the two pregnancies, which was very different.  Having said that, we can only hope that being placed younger, in hopefully more easy circumstances, and without the additional move from b/m to f/c, he will not have the same difficulties in other respects.  Clearly, I hope he shares some of Wyxling's personality traits, although I'm not sure I am hoping for quite such a wide streak of stubborn.  If only we could point Wyxling's stubborn in a useful direction, however, I don't think there's much she couldn't do!


----------



## custard

Someday - that's great news! Many congratulations. 

We're meeting our little ones to start intros on Monday, and have a very busy weekend, so it's all go round here too! Good luck everyone, wherever you are on your journey. 

J x


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi ladies

I dont know if Im in the right place, you all seem so far along in this exciting journey, please let me know if there is a better place for my `early annoying questions` chatter  

I am just looking for some advice, we have 2 local authorities to consider and we need to decide, its all I can think about at the moment, I like to have a plan and once the process has started I will feel better but this initial part is stressing me out! 1. LA where we live, great advice from SW on the phone, no pack has been sent to me (as promised) and for the last 2 days they arent answersing their phones!. 2. The LA where I work, very fast to respond, good pack and dvd, open evening end of May but prep groups fully booked for next few months 3. LA across the border from where we live (not far), larger area, more placements, they place double the amount of children than our LA, fast to respond and no waiting for info session, can have initail visit soon. Too good to be true??
What should we be looking for when choosing who to apply with? 

any help or info would be great
Thank you x


----------



## custard

Hi Sun Flower!
Welcome to the adoption chat thread. Just ask away! There's always someone around who can help. 
I think that choosing an LA/VA is really one of those decisions that it's quite hard for other people to help you with. Some agencies (LA - local authority or VA - voluntary agency) are great for one family and rubbish for another and it's really just a case of trying to see what feels best for you.
I think that you can have an initial SW (Social worker) interview with as many agencies as you like, it's only once you have sent in your actual proper application form that you have to commit to one. So perhaps it's worth asking for a couple of appointments. The fact that you'd have to wait a bit for a prep course with one agency isn't necessarily a bad thing, as you can use the time to start reading and getting some childcare experience. Plus they may be over-subscribed with adopters because they are absolutely brilliant.
I'm sorry that's not a more concrete answer, it's just that it's such a personal decision. All three could well be too good to be true!   
Good luck with your journey!
J x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Wow every time I come on here there's another 2 or 3 pages to catch up on  . 
Wyxlie congratulations on getting it signed and sealed for number one. x x


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone, I went to work 3 pages ago... And that was only this morning!! Lol
Fab it is so busy. So many wonderful things happening at the moment. Hi to the newbies. I am determined to sit and go back to catch up properly on everyone's news.

Sorry for the moan and the me post but Today feels really strange. All our paper for matching panel went in on Monday, all signed and completed but today was the day we shoud have been at panel. All day in school I kept writing the date and thinking "something's happening today, what is it?" we been working towards it for so long it's embedded on my brain. Lol.
Never mind, we can't change theast and new date is 4 weeks today - I am sure it will fly by. 

Xxx


----------



## Primmer

Sunflower - welcome and please post your questions as there are so many knowledgeable people on here. I have learnt so much from this thread in the last couple if weeks. Only you can decide which agency to use but nothing to stop you chatting to them all and asking them some initial questions to get more of a feel for them to see if that will help you decide. 

Flash - hope the next four weeks go quickly for you.

AFU - we went to our information evening last night and afterwards confirmed we would like to proceed and we now need to wait for sw to call to arrange an initial visit, we were told it could be two to three weeks until we are contacted.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news Primmer x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi primmer
Great news that you have officially started.....what kind of things were discussed at info evening? I can't wait for our first one, it's 4 weeks away!! I need to learn patience   

xx


----------



## Primmer

Sunflower - they went through the process for adoption but also gave statistics about last 12 months of adoptions at their la and ran through their support options for after you adopt. Then after there were 3 social workers, an enquiry officer and a recruitment officer to talk to and answer any questions.


----------



## newmum

Hiya

I've ordered the adoption handbook version 4 and wondering if anyone had read this or has any recommendations? 

Thanks 

Nm2b x


----------



## Lizard39

Fab news Primmer   hopefully you'll get a phone call sooner rather than later & gets you initial SW visit booked in. 

Sunflower - yes I think patience is key on our journey's but don't think many of us are good at it!  

Flash - hope the next 4 weeks fly by


----------



## skyblu

We had our first month review meeting yesterday and I am happy to say we sailed through it.

What has got my hackles up is we have requested a passport for lo as DH mother lives in Spain and we go out there 1-2 times a year which all SW's involved knew and said it wouldn't be a problem. We are due to go out in September but when we asked if anything had been done about the passport we were told that they needed the BM to sign the forms  To say we were gobsmacked is an understatement, I  said that it didn't make sense as we thought until lo was legally ours then she was under LA care and it was down to them to sign any forms regarding her wellbeing, we were then told that this was a quicker way. But what if BM refuses? She doesent even yet know her birth child has been placed in a adoptive family!!!
Also our 3 month review meeting is not until July which will mean lo would of been with us for 4 months and there is no way we will get to court by September to obtain our own passport. We thought our 3 month review had to be done within 3 months of placement not 3 months from first month review. Also we thought we could apply to the courts after 10 weeks!!!
Tried to phone SW today but she is off work now until Monday.
Anyone out there know how this works.
We were assured that they feel that the placement is going fantastic and better than anyone could of envisaged, so why 3 months not 10 weeks.
I know some of you are thinking " well it is only an extra 2 weeks" but in highssight it is 6 weeks extra.
We just want our lo to be ours and SW's out of our lives and live a normal life.

Sorry about the rant
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Nm2b - I haven't read many books, just what to expect when you're adopting...although I did by the adoption handbook I gave it to my mum to read but haven't read it myself. I have found this site and the adoption uk site to be great for helping me get my head around the processes and the challenges faced. Sorry I am no help lol x

Primer - wahoooo welcome on board the adoption roller coaster...it's a bumpy but very exciting ride! Good luck Hun, I hope that phone comes sooner rather than later x

Flash - sorry that you didn't get to May panel, June will be here before you know it and you will have your LO in your arms in no time! X 

Sunflower - welcome! Your choice of agency is a personal decision, we really spent a lot of time choosing an agency, we went with the agency who were most helpful on initial phone call, and we asked about time for first visit - also about average time for process - in the end we chose a VA. I would select the most efficient...we waited for prep but once on it they start the 8 mth clock and get you to panel before its up! Good luck Hun x

Custard - wahooo 3 more sleeps!!! How old are your LOs? That's 3 of us starting sibling intros next week  good luck Hun x

Wyx - congrats on the adoption order x 

Snap dragon - sorry your adoption order is taking longer than you'd hoped x On the plus side it'll be your last wait  x

Afu - fc called today and said our baby girl is mesmorised by the dvd as well as our little boy...she is now copying and saying mam mam 

Our intros are now starting Wednesday instead of Thursday...we're meeting the birth parents :s any advice? X

Also, what do I need to take for intros...we are staying in a cottage, I am thinking toys...but what about bottles, highchairs, pushchairs etc.? 

****excuse typos sent from phone (whilst half asleep in bed!)*****


----------



## Dreams do come true

Skyblu - how frustrating!!!! I can't offer any advice but I can give you a hug   Thinking of you and I really hope your sw can help you get it sorted sooner rather than later x x Good luck. 

Fantastic news that your review went well  wahooooooo x


----------



## snapdragon

Skyblu: the same for us.  We were expecting the 10 week review at err  10 weeks  but we have just had ours at 14 weeks and if you read my earlier post our application to court wont go in to at least July as our sw is on holiday in June. why it can't be done by June I don't know. We were hoping to go on holiday in the Autumn.

Lo's birth parents did some albums of lo's siblings for him and when I asked lo's sw why we hadn't been given them she said "oh no you don't get them, they stay here at social services. I will photocopy you some of the photos". She made me feel a bit stupid for asking. At our review it became clear that we should have them and that they don't keep anything once the adoption order goes through. Feel a bit annoyed at myself for not asking more as I know birth mum made these especially for lo. Its all a bit odd.

Had a fab day with lo. Took him to Tropical world in Leeds and this afternoon to see a friend we met during training and he played in the garden with her lo's.  He was so happy it made me feel well so happy.

Good luck to everyone wherever you are are on your journeys. We had a few failed matches and all I cam say is lo was worth waiting for and we have the best little boy in the world.


----------



## Primmer

Skyblu - understand how frustrating it must be, you have waited all this time and now you want lo to be officially yours   it will happen

DDCT - how exciting about your intros and that lo's enjoying your dvd


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Just been catching up on everyone's news. Skyblu - fx it will be sorted very soon that must be so frustrating. I share joint custody of my son with my ex so passports have been an area of tension for me in past times so I can kinda empathise in a sort of a way.  

Hi to Sunflower an old FF of mine from my looking into Reprofit days. Hope you are keeping well? Good luck on your journey you deserve the best.  

Dreams do come true - loved reading your post. Gave me a cheery feeling   hope all goes well with intros. As did yours Snapdragon - must make all the waiting seem so worthwhile having lo in your arms. 

Wyxie - good luck with all that is going on with placements at the moment. Sounds complex but hopefully all will go swimmingly. 

Frangipani - thanks for the mention and your support   - means alot  .

Gwyneth - hi to you, how are you doing lately?

Custard - good luck with the intros.

Flash - I hope everything speeds up for you from now on.

Primmer - hi to you, you aren't far behind us. We are just nearly at intial interview/appointment stage. 

Lizard - I am doing the same at the moment   - trying to attend some courses. Luckily with my SENCo training I get to attend Attachment Disorder courses. I do know there is one in Birmingham and London in June with one of the country's top experts. I think its open to anyone as well as Special Needs educators. We have a small library of books here lol. My plan this week is to put my file of research together to show SW when she comes from her initial visit to show her we have been busy doing our own prep. Despite having DS have asked my cousin for some 'work experience' looking after her brood which she has agreed to  . 

Hi to anyone I have missed out - not intentional just so much to catch up on! 

AFU - eagerly awaiting our appointment. We rent and our estate agents have been naughty stirring things up between us and landlords (telling them one thing and us another) over the things that need doing in the house. Had the landlords over yesterday to sort one or two things out and think we cleared the air but it is still playing on my mind! Its our landlords first rental property (it used to be their house) and I am just worried because they are fed up with crap estate agents they might not renew our tenancy which might cause problems with adoption process (ensuring stability etc). Mind you they are putting in new carpets upstairs for us in all three bedrooms which currently have hard flooring down so I guess they wouldn't be doing that if they weren't wanting to keep us on. They also sent us a text after saying that they hoped all would be ok now and hoped we would enjoy our tenancy   so I hope that is a good indicator. In other news,  I told my boss the other day and my colleague who has been training me to take over from her when she retires and they were both fab - both tearful in a good way and my boss was saying how much she admired me. I was dreading telling her as I do quite a lot where I work and I know how much she values the effort I put in. 

Sorry for the long 'me' ramble. I just felt I could spill my guts here among such kind and understanding ladies.

Wishing everyone the best for this week whatever it may bring. 

Love Brummie xxxx


----------



## Primmer

Brummie - it's sounds like landlord now knows position and txt was reassuring that there is no problem. Also lad to year telling your boss and colleague went well.


----------



## Flash123

Hey brummie, as a fellow SENCo I can totally recommend any course run by the 'nurture group network'. Through school I did the 4 day training and lthough expensive it was the single, best, most insightful course I have ever done . It looks heavily into early brain development and the impact abuse and neglect has on this. It combines that with attachment theory and how to marry the two. Although we weren't adopting when I did it (I had to do it for my role) I have found it invaluable throughout this process.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Today we have said goodbye to our little princess Marmite, absolutely heartbreaking but the kindest thing for her. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

DDCT So sorry to hear that but it is for the best. 

On a more positive note its not many more sleeps until you meet your little Darlings   Eeeek I'm so excited for you.

We've had our own SW visit this morning. Our paper work is well under way for finalising things for LO and will be submitted before the 10week mark although wont be processed by the courts until then, but means we'll get a court date for hopefully week 10 or 11 and we won't even need the 3 month review. Very excited to have the final step completed  

Xx


----------



## Frangipanii

My dear DDCT. I am so so sorry. Make sure you look after yourself today. Love to you!!! xx

Hope the rest of you are all ok!! I am good, having a day of nothing because I cannot be bothered! Not thsy I am in a bad mood or anything in fact I am quite ok. Just like chilling out, always feel guilty for it but I do like doing nothing!!!. 
Sneakily I have started buying tiny little bits of stuff. I realise it is premature buy hey got to enjoy something. So far I have child gates, a car seat, some wet wipes, some baby shampoo, some bath sponges and well thsts it. Sad arent I. 

Just had our joiner round to do a quote for some fencing for our garden which we need to have done because our agency told us to. Hope it is not going to cost too much!!! 

Other than that...veggies have been planted and as I mentioned I am chilling out!!! 

Hope u have a lovelg week x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh DDCT I am so so so sorry    You did a brave and caring thing for your little kitty, you put her needs before your own and that is true love    When I lost my baby boy in January I was completely heartbroken.  Time is a healer hun but you will never forget.  Love to you xxxxxxx


----------



## Primmer

DDCT - huge hugs


----------



## ChickenLegs

DDCT I'm so sorry for you, losing a pet can be so devastating  

DH is doing renovations, it started small but now he's going mad! We have our health and safety check in 3 weeks so he needs to be done by then. Must get new blinds... do we need stairgates and drawer catches etc for the check, or do we wait to see how old our LOs will be?


----------



## newmum

DDCT   to you. Sorry to hear your news. 

Chicken legs we didn't need stair gates etc for our health and safety check. SW just read through a long list and then looked around the house. I've sneekly bought a starter kit from mothercare which has safety locks, plug covers etc but didn't have this for initial checks

Frangi can't fault you on the sneeky buying sounds like you are having loads of fun   enjoy your guilt free lazy day.

Brummie how are things with the land lord now? Better I hope

Hi everyone

From a patient 

Nm2b counting down the sleeps till approval panel x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

DDCT, I'm so sorry Hun. I hope you are ok, they are our furbabies and it hurts so much when we lose them. Sending you lots of hugs x

I am going to 'whisper' this very very quietly but we may have a possible link. LO's SW has picked us but its early days. Quietly excited but trying to stay level headed as we have lost out on some LOs recently. Fingers and toes are crossed

X


----------



## GERTIE179

DDCT - sooo sorry for your loss. Grieve and take some time for you. Just think of marmite now being in a place that she can watch over your new babies x

Greenie - quietly crossing my fingers for you until we can shout it for you ;-)

X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

DDCT - I am so sorry our fur babies really are our world sending loads of  . 

Greenie - I really hope this is the one for you sounds very positive x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Whispering back to Greenie *woooohooo!!* Shhhh...


----------



## Anjelissa

DDCT....I'm so very sorry  , I know how heartbreaking it is as we had to say goodbye to 2 of our beloved furbabies within a year of each other a few years back (one aged 21 who I'd had since I was 16, and one aged just 9  ).
As others have said it's the kindest thing to do when there is no other solution to their discomfort, you did what was best for her and now she is at peace and no longer suffering  .
We planted a 'Yogi' tree and a 'Fluffy' tree in our garden with little wooden stakes in front that have their names carved (by dh, bless him) on them. They come out in beautiful blossom each year and it makes me smile to see such beautiful tributes to our furbabies growing and flowering each year.
Big hugs to you   
Love Anj x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

DDCT I'm so sorry honey. Big hugs. Xxxxx

Yay greenie everything crossed for you xxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Ddct my lovely, sending you bigs hugs. Take care and look after each other xxxxx

Greenie (I'm whispering too) woooooohoooooooo, have everything crossed for you xxxx


----------



## Jacks girl

DDCT big hugs   I lost my fur baby Toby in 2009 so I know how heart wrenching it is. I believe they never leave us and are always there scampering about us in spirit. Xx

Primer thank you  NM2b thank you  we haven't heard anything yet but hoping things go on coming up to renewing our contract in a couple of months. 

Greenie -quietly crossing my fingers for you and wishing.  

Poppers mommy everything sounds exciting 

Thanks Flash and hi to you too fellow SENCO  will google that. Cheers 

Hi to everyone else  xxx


----------



## liveinhope

Great news on the possible LO Greenie, look forward to hearing more


----------



## ChickenLegs

Sounds great Greenie, so pleased for you!


----------



## newmum

Greenie awwww fingers crossed x


----------



## gettina

Oooh greenie,     keep us posted. X
Ddct -   glad it's done and marmite is able to be all youthful and healthy in pet heaven. 
Skyblu - well done on a great review tho I'm peeved for you. I had heard you couldn't go overseas until the child is legally yours but wouldn't have realised you couldn't even apply for the passport or that things could be delayed. Frustrating - she's yours! But hey, she is yours... 
Lovely to hear of your happy day snapdragon. 
Poppet's mammy hello and well done and thanks for staying in touch 
Flash - grr.

So many updates from so many people I can't get to round all the personals sorry everyone and hi to all of you. 

No news from me, just home study hopefully chugging along. Dh didn't cover himself in glory with the attachment interview due to a poor memory and then getting stressed so that requires some further discussion apparently but trying not to be uptight as just can't believe it would be a deal breaker. Hopefully it will just be a weak or less informative part of the process. 

Good luck to all 
X


----------



## skyblu

DDCT - so sorry you have lost your furbaby 

Greenie - fingers and toes are crossed here    this is your lo. 

AFU - Well got more answers today about the so called 3 month review. Our LA changed their reviews and court dates as they have had a few break downs in adoption , so we cant apply to the court until 13 weeks and our so called 3 month review is delayed as lo has sisters and the 3 month review meeting will have to cover how our lo copes with meeting the sisters since she was placed with us. Hopefully she will see them in the next few weeks. We were told however that there is no concerns with us or how lo has settled and since they have seen how well lo has improved since she as been with us it has given them a kick up the a** to do better photos and profiles of her sisters so they can move on and improve like their sister and have mummy and daddies of their own.

Thanks for the words of wisdom though, and hope Snapdragon you will get your court date soon.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Skyblu, fab news about how well you are doing, even though you can see huge differences it must still be lovely hearing it from the 'officials'. I really hope you manage to have some good news re. Lo's passport. I can only imagine how desparate you are to show off your wonderful princess to the people who are special to you. Xx

I know we all know it's the reality but how very sad that lo's sisters could be without a forever family simply because ss haven't sorted themselves out and 'presented' them better. Such a sad, sad situation.


----------



## Lizard39

Hello Everyone   hope you are all enjoying alittle sunshine. 

Exciting week this week with afew intro's starting   how are you feeling ladies Got everything sorted & caught up on lots of sleep I hope!  I started regularly reading this thread when Skyblu & Poppets Mammy started their intros and I must admit loved reading about them and always looked forward to the next post! So excited we have some intros starting this week  

With lots of MP recently & intro's starting I have been thinking about when do you tell your boss/work about a match? Also when do you start your adoption leave? I have a good relationship with my boss but she didn't know about IFV & she won't know about our adoption plans til as late as possible in the process - hence I would also want to tell her as late as possible about a match. I know everyone is different but would be great to hear afew really examples/scenario's. thanks xx


----------



## Wyxie

Hi Lizard, your current employer is asked for a reference when you apply.  I don't believe it states what the reference is for, but you will clearly have to explain it so either you tell her what it is, or possibly lie and tell her it's to do with voluntary work, which could be tricky later on.  You need to tell them about the match once it's approved, but in reality I'm sure you will want to do it sooner, because otherwise you could be giving them only days notice and that may not go down very well on your return!  After that you don't have to give them any other information about when you're approved etc until you've got a match.

My employers were very much on board and supported me through my last cycles of IVF, several miscarriages, and the whole adoption process.  I didn't feel that telling them about plans to have a family would adversely affect my career prospects with that firm, they were very family orientated and had a lot of part time workers, which was one of the reasons I stayed with them when I most certainly could have earned more elsewhere.  I certainly wouldn't have been so open with any of my previous employers.  I think a "well, we're applying to adopt, but it's a long process and finding the right child can take a long time, so it's unlikely I'll be going anywhere soon" approach would be appropriate, although obviously you hope it's different.  Personally, I told my employers quite clearly that I wouldn't be going on leave anywhere near as soon as if all was "ok" and I was trying to have a biological child".  I felt that point was worth stressing with one of the two people I had to inform about the reference request!

Perhaps once you have met with the social worker and the foster carer about a match, by which point you should be booked into panel, when you should have all the information to make sure you do want to go ahead, is about right for telling your employers.  That felt right to me.  I didn't want to tell them until I was sure I was at least going to go to panel.  It should give them at least 6 weeks notice, more likely nearer 10.  You can start your leave up to two weeks before the date of placement, which is to cover the introduction period.  As you accrue holiday while on adoption leave in the same way you do with maternity leave, however, you may want to give yourself a bit of time off before hand to prepare yourself!  I only worked three days after matching panel, took about 10 days holiday, then started my leave during the introductions, iirc.    

Also, in the event you move job during the assessment, you don't have any obligation to tell a new employer you're approved when you change job however, or that you've applied or are thinking about applying - after all you wouldn't tell a new employer you were trying to have a baby, and that is much more likely to result in you going on leave somewhat sooner!

Good luck with your journey.


----------



## Wyxie

Good luck to all those starting introductions soon.  I hope you're all getting plenty of rest and enjoying your nesting time.

DDCT, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.  Animals can take up such a big space in our hearts.

Greenie, I hope your match works out, do let us know how things go.  

We met with Wyxling's brother's f/c yesterday and I was very reassured about the handover this time round.  I also saw a photo, and Bladelet looks so much like Wyxling, in cheeky personality as well as facially being quite similar, although their colouring is different in that Bladelet appears to have got that from his biological father (biologically, they are maternal half-siblings).  I completely fell in love with him.  I'm still really worried about how Wyxling will handle it.  Hubby thinks things will be OK once she gets used to it, and that having a sibling will be very good for her.  I agree with him most of the time, but sometimes I do have doubts, and I'm not looking forward to seeing how the upheaval effects her.


----------



## Lizard39

Thanks for the info Wyxie. So when do you think your LO might come home - have you got dates yet?


----------



## Wyxie

Mid-June, all being well.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi ladies   


Sorry for not being around for a longgggg time. Been very busy helping my sister as her husband is in Afghanistan. So I've been helping look after her 4 girls    


A lot has happened for me lately. After our SW being of ill for 4 months and our SS messing us around we finally got a new SW. She is lovely and has been visiting us for HS every wk. she is due to come again tomorrow and we have only 2 more visits booked. She is meeting with our references next wk.... We are all set (fingers crossed) for panel on 20th June!!!! Just hope all goes to plan, we have had so any set bks. I'm petrified of going to panel, and I keep thinking we won't get approved. Just hope we do and don't have to wait long to b matched!   


I hope everyone is well and everything is moving along quickly for u all.


Love and luck to all. 


Lou xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks for all your kind words ladies, we won't know anymore about poss LO until next week but this feels so much more positive than last time so we have everything crossed. LO is such a cutie

Angel Mummy - Good luck to wrapping up your HS. I was terrified before panel but it was a lovely experience and remember, your SW won't take you to panel if they think there is something that will prevent you from being approved...fingers crossed for you.

Wishing you all the best Wyxie with your new arrival. No doubt there will be the odd scrap between them but all will right itself x


----------



## daisy0609

I never realized how slow time goes when your waiting for something. I have lots of things to do but it seems so slow waiting now!! Feel kind of in limbo!
Im enjoying reading the stories of where everyone is at in their journey xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone  

Lizard, I told my boss quite early as she had to do a reference.  It was just to say I had had no warnings/disciplinarians and to make sure she had no worries with my work (with children) conduct etc.  The letter actually said 'Lolly has applied to adopt with our agency etc etc' so I'm glad I had told her the truth about why I needed a reference.  So far everyone has been really supportive.  Also in telling them you can see whether there is any possibility you can have any time off for HS etc.

Really hope that all goes positively for you Greenie, you have waited long enough for you LO, I really hope this is your time.  You must be so nervous waiting for news     

Angel Mummy, glad to hear you are back on track, roll on 20th June!

Hope everyone else is going well in adoption land  

So panel was confirmed for 16th May today!  We are getting our PAR tomorrow and need to read, amend and send back before Sunday.  SW then said she will be working on finalising it all on Sunday and submitting Monday which is the deadline to make May panel.  talk about cutting it fine.  If all goes wrong I will be joining Angel on June 20th but SW has assured it'll be done and to await a letter with our time on.  We will need to go early and meet SW in order to sign it all off as she is having to email it tomorrow due to lack of time.  She read a load to me on the phone today and it sounded lovely


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

Thank you very much for your messages about Marmite x

Greenie - I really hope this it for you, keep us posted x

Wyx - good luck with your imminant new arrival x

Lolly - yay to a panel date...not long to go....21 sleeps?! Eeeeeeek

Angelmummy - so glad your journey is now going well  you will be at panel in no time x 

To everyone else, hi and good luck with whatever stage youre at, will come back do more personals soon x

I am still gutted about Marmite, spent all day monday and tuesday crying...my other cats are really sad now shes gone. It has been harder because we have had to leave them to come for intros and I have had to put on a brave face, inside my heart is broken x

When we get back on wednesday I am giing to plant a tree for her, I have pics and got a pic/imprint of her paw before she passed to the spirit world, I also have a tuft of fur which I carry with me.

Anyway enough sadness, we met the bp's today, it was nice, very relaxed and informal...more of a chat xIn 12 hours we are meeting our children....I cant believe it!

Will be back tomorrow to tell you more x x


----------



## Lizard39

OMG DDCT   I can't believe how calm you sounds re meeting birth parents today & meeting your LO's tomorrow.  Enjoy every moment, every smile, every smell, enjoy everything. Can't wait to read all about it. Now you need to get some sleep   as you're going to be busy for a while!


----------



## Dreams do come true

I know, I am suprised as well. Waited so long...now its here. Hoping that tomorrow it seems more real...at the minute I am feeling dazed!  

Back soon, off to try and sleep now....although the accomodation theyve put us in smells funny and is full of spiders  

Xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Dreams you have made it, today's the day!!!!   have a wonderful day being mummy to your babies, we are all thinking of you and can't wait to hear all about it. Enjoy your day my lovely


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ddct get Gabrielle on in the car and get going today is your day x x


----------



## Flash123

Dreams - enjoy, enjoy, enjoy mama dreams. Wishing you the most wonderful of days xxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

DDTC - Wohooooo the day is here 🎉😃 Enjoy every min of today. I can't wait to read your post later today xx


----------



## Primmer

DDCT - enjoy your day meeting your babies, can't wait to hear all about it.


----------



## liveinhope

Savour your first day as a Mama!  You will remember it forever.  I can still remember meeting DS for the first time, it was magical!


----------



## newmum

DDCT have a great day I've got Gabriella dreams stuck in my head! Hope all goes well x


----------



## Marley49

Good luck DDCT!!

Michael Bublee - Just Haven't Met You Yet is our adoption song - play it when I'm feeling stressed about the whole process!! xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Dreams, hope you've had a lovely day x  
Greenie hope you get some good news soon!
Lolly, panel is in your sights now, fantastic  
Flash and Emma, how are the preparations for matching panel coming on?

 to everyone else x

We're meeting LOs foster carer tomorrow, excited, nervous, apprehensive and lots of other conflicting emotions too!! Hope she likes us....


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Dreams, hope today went well and Crazyspaniel, good luck for tomorrow. 

We won't hear anything more now until next week but we have everything crossed that its good news x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Oh my gosh!!!!!

I am a mummy!!!!! Me....?! 

I am a mummy!!!!! 

Words cannot describe how much I love MY children!!!!!!!

I have had a spectacular day!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh!!!!!!! Lol

So this was how it went....
Stood on the fc doorstep...a cat identical to marmite stood on the wall at the side of us and meowed, it was a sign, dh and I smiled   My fur baby came to say its ok to be happy and tell us she was with us x 

We were greeted at the door by the most beautiful children I have EVER seen, we have seen pics and a dvd but nothing prepared me for how utterly beautiful our children are. Perfect in every way, perfect.

My dh was handed our baby girl and a took my little boys hand, and we went in to the lounge. We presented Ted and Bunny and our littlle boy kissed ted and got super excited, our little girl just chuckled and smiled.

Mummy and daddy swapped children, I had a cuddle of our little girl and daddy bonded with our scrummy little man. He got a little overwhelmed and had a little cry, fc comforted him and then let daddy give him dinner 

Meanwhile my baby girl fell to sleep in my arms with bunny, I was patting her bottom and looking in her eyes...wow.

Dh took little munchkin (our scrummy boy) to his cot for a nap, came down and we just sat and watched our baby girl in our arms...total adoration. 

Princess woke up (glad she did because I wanted to play he he he), we had so many cuddles and giggles...then daddy hada cuddle and a play.

Prince woke up and after he had woken fully....we played, mummy took some bubbles and he loved them, mummy and daddy taught him to blow the bubbles, clever little soldier.

Then we sang, prince and I had fun where we got lots of giggles. 

Mummy took princess again and we cuddled...whilst daddy played with prince, princess fell to sleep again in my arms.

We gave prince a big kiss and cuddle and said bye bye until 9.30 tomorrow.

(Oh and dh did 3 nappies, I did 1....result, lol!!!)

We are both so incredibly happy, they are both amazing x x x x

To everyone waiting....its so so so worth the wait, dreams do come true...mine have  x x x x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Crazyspaniel - good luck tomorrow x x x

Greenie - fingers crossed for you x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

crying like a baby Dreams!! Such a picture perfect family scene and so much love shining through your words. I am so very happy for you. Roll on tomorrow


----------



## Dreams do come true

-x-Lolly-x- said:


> crying like a baby Dreams!! Such a picture perfect family scene and so much love shining through your words. I am so very happy for you. Roll on tomorrow


  it will be you soon!!!!!!! X


----------



## crazyspaniel

Perfect, so glad your dreams are coming true!


----------



## newmum

DDCT I am so happy for you and DH and wow marmite gave you a sign how wonderful. Dreams CAN come true  

Look forward to,reading your stories as your journey develops your prince and princess sound adorable  

Nm2b x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Such a lovely post dreams, amazing. So so happy for you x


----------



## Flash123

ddct - you could have warned us before posted such a wonderful post - i must have something in both my eyes!!!lol What a truly magical day you have had. This really is what dreams are made off. Cant wait to read tomorrows post.

Lolly - may 16th is a big day for us too - we have matching panel. woohoo! we'll have to have a virtual toast!!

Crazy - we are meeting our fc on tues so i will wait will baited breath to see how yours goes tomorrow.Good luck. I too am utterly terrified/excited/scared/happy (highlight any of the above lol) Until we meet them we are sort of in limbo regarding preparations. Cant buy anything else till we know more about him and i keep putting off that dam recording of our books. You feel such a numpty dont you? 

Greenie hope the time flies. waiting for news is such a killer xx
Hello everyone else xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Incredible.  Very, very happy for you.

Sounds like a very long day!  In our area, first meeting is 40 mins ish, with the s/w and f/c present throughout.  Sounds like a much more relaxed way to meet your children.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Ours should have been 2 hours, I lasted 4 

I get the feeling the 16th May will be a very good day...with lots of champagne corks popping   x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Tomorrow is half day...cant wait!!!!!!!


----------



## newmum

Good luck tomorrow crazyspaniel x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

DDCT so beautiful must be amazing bet you just can't wait to get them home where they belong x x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

DDCT totally amazing I'm still crying now lol
Can't wait to hear how tomorrow goes. 

Flash. Yay 16th may you have a date wahoo (it's my birthday too 
We're at mp 5 days after you 21st may so we'll be going our intro's and posts together  

Lolly. Not long now honey 3 weeks today wahoo 

Hugs to everyone xxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Crazyspaniel. I know how you feel we met FC 3 weeks ago she's was so lovely and texts me regularly now giving me updates on lo. 
Good luck honey you'll be perfect. Xxxxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ah thanks Emma. Xx


----------



## newmum

Hi Emma we've got approval panel same date as your MP


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Newmum, We'll have to have a virtual toast too honey. May Is going to be a good month for lots of us xxx


----------



## skyblu

DDCT- So happy for you and DH  YOU ARE A MUMMY 
Have plenty of sleep tonight (if you can ) tomorrow maybe draining but worth it.

Crazyspaniel - good luck with fc meeting tomorrow, it is not scary but I know how you feel, you will be fine. 

AFU- our lo has been with us now for six week and it truly feels like she has been here for ever. Took her to see her pediatrician yesterday and she couldn't believe the change in her and got overwhelmed that she looks so healthy and happy. Can't help feeling a little proud at the moment 
Also she is has now slept all night from 7.30 pm - 7.15am for 4 nights  in a row. Happy baby and happy mummy. 

I  am off for a night away tomorrow night to see Ghost in Cardiff and DH is left holding the baby  
I know they will both be fine, but can't help feeling like I am abandoning lo, although she loves her time with daddy and I know she will be fine. She probely wont miss me  

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Hehe, try not to feel guilty Skyblu, we all need a break, it's good to get into the habit early I think. I didn't, and I do sometimes regret that I didn't leave her a little more with my husband at least, a little sooner, although maybe it was the right decision with Wyxling - too late now anyway!

Having said that, I am the worst for feeling bad. Wyxling does not like me to go _anywhere_ without her, so even if I pop out for a run Wyxling sulks horrendously and I am wracked with guilt! So glad to hear she is sleeping well now, I am very already worrying about coping with Wyxling and a baby and sleepless nights.


----------



## Flash123

Sky...you sound like such a proud mum, fantastic.

Sounds like may is going to be busy for lots of us. 
Emma, 16th is my best friends birthday and the 19th is mine...happy days


----------



## HRM

Hi everyone,
Lots of lovely news on here - as always  

We have just finished day 2 of our 3 day prep course and have had out letter saying our application has been accepted, so just waiting to be assigned a SW and Home Study will start soon. So excited - it finally all feels very real 

H xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Yay me and flash, newmum and Emma   Wishing and hoping for two new mummies and two mummies to be!!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Is it 9.30 yet? Lol


----------



## Flash123

In a few weeks time you'll be saying 'omg...it can't be 5.30 yet, theyre awake'  Lol xxx
Bring it on woooohoooooo...enjoy day 2 chickadee xxxx


----------



## newmum

Morning! If there was a like button I would be pressing this now


----------



## Dreams do come true

well we are here.....35 minutes early lol!!!!! Jut about to go in.

Have a fantabulous day everyone!!!!

Crazyspaniel - good luck today x x


----------



## Marley49

Have a fantastic day DDCT xx


----------



## ChickenLegs

Ditto!   And good luck Crazyspaniel


----------



## Arrows

Hi all 

DDCT I'm so pleased everything is going so well!

AFU, as of 12.30pm yesterday lunchtime I am now a forever mummy! Celebrated quietly with a couple of friends and a lovely bbq.


----------



## Lizard39

Wooohoooooooo Arrows   Congrats to you, hubby & your gorgeous LO. 

DDCT - loved reading your first day as a mummy - you had my in tears & like SkyBlu & Poppets Mummy post gives me hope that getting through the process we all have an amazing reward at the end of it  

Skyblu - enjoy your first night away   I'm sure your LO wil lie some just her & daddy time! 

Flash - yeah for meeting FC on Tuesday - do you have your long list of questions to ask them!  id remember reading a post of the resource area which was about questions for FC.

Hello to everyone else - loads happening with everyone at the moment which is lovely  

Lizard xx


----------



## Sq9

Wow - so much fabulous news on her at the moment.  Good luck to everyone starting on new stages and well done to those who have lo's home and are doing so well


----------



## Primmer

Greenie - fingers crossed for you and hope the news next week is great news 

DDCT - absolutely beautiful to hear how your first meeting with lo's went, I had tears in my eyes, so lovely. Hope you have a lovely time with them today too. 

Arrows - amazing news, congratulations forever mummy !!!!

HRM - great news that your application has been accepted, hope your prep course is going well.

SkyBlu - enjoy your night in Cardiff, bet DH wll love time with lo

Crazy Spaniel - hope all goes well today.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Massive congratulations Arrows


----------



## Dreams do come true

Arrows -     CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!   x x

Day 2 of intros....
I am exhausted!!! Lol

We had another fantabulous day, they are amazing children and I am so thankful that they are ours!!!

We walked in and our little boy was having his nappy changed...we timed it perfectly  

He lay on his mat laughing and smiling....he remembered us 

We walked over to our little girl who looked up at and gave us one of her beautiful smiles!

Daddy read our little boy a story, mummy joined in 

Mummy (thats me lol!) Picked up our baby girl, we played, we tickled then we cuddled...she fell to sleep in my arms againn 

Daddy played trains with little boy, then hevtried to give him some space and left him playing...trying not to be too full on....our little boy came to daddy and in his words said 'come back and play'  

Mummy gave him lunch, then he fell to sleep half way through so I put him in to his cot for a nap

Daddy had some quality time with his daughter where she lay happy in his arms for an hour...just looking at daddy with her big eyes.

Mummy spoke to the fc about routines and habits, then prepared our little girls bottle and dinner.

Mummy then gave daddys arms a rest and gave our baby her dinner.

Our little girl then had a cuddle with mummy and she fell asleep in my arms again.

Our little boy woke up and daddy brought him down to finish dinner, tjen they all played whilst mummy went to look in the memory boxes with the fc.

We all played some more and had lots of giggles.

It was then time to have goodbye hugs until tomorrow, our little boy cried because he didnt want us to go  and  

Love them so much, 9.30 start tomorrow, park in afternoon, bath and bed.

So happy right now  

Dreams do come true x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

WoW DDCT - how amazing, Intro's seem to be going incredibly well for you, the Lo's have obviously been very well prepared for meeting you and seem to be taking it in their stride. Well done, keep the updates coming 😃 xx


----------



## Lizard39

Oh DDTC - I am so pleased & excited for you. It's only 2 days in and you sound so happy and all going well. Keep the updates coming - they are so lovely to read  

Rest up & sweet dreams xx


----------



## Primmer

DDCT - that's great your intros are going well


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

DDCT sounds like an amazing day your babies sound wonderful x x x x


----------



## newmum

How did you get on today crazyspaniel?

DDCT sounds a wonderful day

Sky blu you will love ghost I went last weekend it was amazing and I am sure LO will be fine with DH

Nm2b x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Ddct, loving reading your posts. So happy for you x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Lovely post ddct x
Congratulations Arrows!!!  

Thanks to everyone for the good wishes  
Visit to fc was lovely, they told us lots about our future LO, soo excited now - roll on June for mp!


----------



## Sq9

Sounds amazing ddct.


----------



## newmum

Sorry arrows missed your earlier post.... Massive congatulations


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

I've well and truly lost track with everything on this thread now  , but after having a quick read back it's lovely to see all the wonderful news!  

Our assessment is plodding along, we've finished our hs and just have a few bits to tie up etc.  
  
DDCT......So lovely to hear how well it's all going, not long now and they will be home with you where they belong  

Arrows......CONGRATULATIONS!   

Have a good weekend all  

Anj x


----------



## gettina

Congratulations arrows - fab, lovely news. All sorted, he is yours. Love it 

Wonderful heartwarming updates ddtc. Hope all the family keep enjoying intros and feel good.

Angelissa -greatbthatyounhave flown through hs - or so it seems to me. And quite right too. Hope the change in sw doesn't hold you up and the new one is nice.

Got to go - love to all xx
Gettina


----------



## Poppets Mammy

I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up to date at the min so appologies for the lack of personals but a big HELLO to everyone 

AFU - we are having on off problems with LO at bedtime/nighttime. Just when we think we've cracked it she acts up again  so not gonna say much on that as its been Ok past 2 days and don't want to curse it, hahaha  
We left her for the first time today   left her with Grandma and Grandad for 3hours. Prepared them for upset/anger from an anxious little girl but she was totally fine. We explained what was happening before we got to their house, settled her in then said we were leaving. When I saw the fear in her eyes followed by some genuine silent tears I didn't think we were gonna be able to do it, she ran to DH and I and clung onto him for dear life while sobbing. We just calmly explained that Mammy and Daddy had jobs to do and that I was sure Grandma and Grandad had a trip to the park planned and I was pretty sure ice-cream would be on the cards. She instantly was more interested in staying with Grandparents so I told her she'd need some coins to pay for ice-cream (she's obsessed with money ) so I gave her some shinny silver coins and that was that, she happily waved us off. DH and I had a lovely walk along the beach, went to an Italian on the sea front for lunch then had ice-cream ourselves on the beach, a sneaky pint in the pub on the way back into the village. LO and grandparents were home when we got back, Poppet had been perfect the whole time. Apparently said after we left 'Mammy and Daddy have jobs to do but will come back to Grandma's to get me soon' and that was about it, no upset or anxiety about it, just fact! She was happy to see us when we did get back and full of stories of feeding the ducks and playing on swings etc etc. She's been totally normal with us since, no under lying anger as predicted, just our normal little angel a little sleepy due to all the excitement. Had lovely cuddles at bed time and she said 'Oh Mammy your beautiful' while stroking my face   bless her heart, I'm positively not looking beautiful at all with my wind swept hair scrapped back and saggy PJ's on - but I'll take the compliment. Really enjoyed my date with DH, although we hardly talked about anything other the poppet, haha. Smitten parents 😍

Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah well done you so glad first time apart went well. She is such a little cutie


----------



## Flash123

Poppets mum, sounds like you are doing an utterly fab job. Well done chickadee. 

Anj - glad things are plodding along nicely. I can't believe you have finished hs as it only seems like yesterday you were waiting for la's to get back to you re lo number two. Time is flying.

Arrows wooooohooooooo!!!!!!  .    Fantastic news. I am totally thrilled for you. Bye bye sw's lol

Afu we are meeting fc on tues and have a visit from a gang of sw on thurs. have been frantically cleaning, dog has been cut and bathed bless him, have never used so much bleach!!! Things have been quiet for so long it is weird to be moving again. I am really nervous and tues and hope so much they like us. I know it can't influence things but I want them to know how much lo will mean to us and be glad for him iykwim.

Xxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Flash - good luck for your meetings next week, I'm sure they will all go smoothly. I hope you didn't use bleach on the dog   Hahaha xx


----------



## Wyxie

Great to hear things are still going well DDCT.

Arrows, congratulations, it's a good feeling isn't it?

We have had a lovely day out with Wyxling which I couldn't have even dreamed of having as little as 3 months ago, let along 11.  I feel like she is going from strength to strength right now.  We went to new places, had a long car journey, did new stuff, with people she's only met 4 times who are huge (my Godson's parents are 6'2" and 6'8" and quite formidable) and everything about their house is a bit larger than life for Wyxling, including the massive dogs.  We went to a farm and she was quite settled, really happy and smiley, enjoyed feeding the animals, playing in the sandpit (I enjoyed this somewhat less, as it was on top of a hill in Yorkshire and tipping it down for most of the morning), on the swings and was good as gold when we went to the pub for lunch (to be fair she's always been good when we take her places that serve bbq sauce).  

Had a long afternoon walk, and she got to walk a basset which weights at least half as much again as she does, and was remarkably good at it.  She also dealt incredibly well with us cuddling our godson, and actually I thought she was going to get jealous and climb all over me to "get me back" but she was actually more grumpy because she wanted to cuddle the "baby" (term used loosely, Wyxling is pretty tall for her 2 1/2 years but he is only a teeny bit smaller than her, I think she based her judgment on his wobbly legs).  He tolerated her cuddles and kisses very well and she was absolutely fine to share me with him but still wanted lots of snuggles.  She played really well in the house and with just a little bit of testing boundaries in a new place before bedtime when I think she was missing her bedtime routine, and very tired, but it never escalated into a kick off of any sort, didn't even have any totally normal toddler tantrums, just a couple of sulks.  She's knackered having run rings round all the rest of us today, and went straight to sleep in the car on the way home, and just woke up long enough to have a lovely snuggle and a big smile about all the fun things she'd done today before I put her back into bed just about asleep.

You have no idea what an achievement days like this are.  

Hope everyone is well.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Just a quickie because I have an early start tomorrow and I need to go to bed 

Today was more amazing than expected, took them out for a whole day and had a magical day.

Mummy got lots of cuddles and kisses, daddy had to sing songs to our little boy all day long. We did bath time...we got soaked lol, then bed and home.

Intros are going amazingly well, I am so in love and I have never seen my dh happier!

A better update tomorrow x x x


----------



## skyblu

Arrows- congrats 

DDCT - Well done on intros, not long now and they will be yours forever. 

Poppets mammy -   I am sending you a personal msg.

Newmum2b - You are right ghost was brilliant.

Afu - well had a lovely night away. Mum and I went to see ghost in Cardiff and it was truly amazing. Stayed the night in a hotel, nice hotel but very noisy due to incosiderent pi** heads running around on and off until 4.30 am. So didn't get a good night sleep or a relaxing lie-in. Would have better night sleep if I had drove home  
Spent today shopping and spent a fortune on lo, got her loads of clothes for summer, here's hoping for one and a sand pit/paddling pool. She loves digging but my flowers don't like her digging them up, so hopfully she will like the sand pit pod. She had a lovely day and a half with daddy and slept all night. She loved going out in daddies van as she can she so much more being high up. DH took her to a show that was on in our area, he thought she would like seeing the horses but no, she was in love with all the vintage cars and tractors!! 
When I got home I had the biggest hug and then was asked for toys  Gave her her bath and then had cuddles for 10 Min's and then tucked our little princess in bed.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Wyxie

Skyblu, let's hope for more of one than last year.  Within a month of going on adoption leave I had invested in a full set of waterproofs for me, and Wyxling pretty much lived in her wellies and puddlesuit last year (can't recommend them enough for the soggy days, at that age stomping in puddles in the summer is the best!).

We got a sandpit pod as well and it's very popular.  Plus, a lot of the toys you can get work really well inside in the winter with dry rice - which hoovers up easily!

Hope you enjoyed spoiling your l/o.  I got most of Wyxling's summer clothes for this year in the sales at the end of last year, but had kind of forgotten about them, and she's much happier about new clothes (loves them) now so she's been demanding she gets to wear lots of summer dresses and/or shorts since I got them out.  Not really quite the weather for it yet!

Glad to hear you had a good day!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So much joy again, 

Wyxie what a lovely day she is coming on so much and doing so well it must fill your heart with joy
Skyblu glad your first bit of time away went well
Flash they will love you to bits so try not to worry (although I think I'd be hyperventilating so can't really lecture  ) 

Hope anyone I've missed is having an amazing weekend x x x


----------



## Wyxie

All the better because she slept until, I kid you not, 7:15 this morning.  Wyxling, I love you so very much for many reasons, but the lie in this morning, was definitely near the top of the list!


----------



## peacelily

Wyxie said:


> All the better because she slept until, I kid you not, 7:15 this morning. Wyxling, I love you so very much for many reasons, but the lie in this morning, was definitely near the top of the list!


I'm very jealous, Wyxie!! Doesn't matter _what_ I do to tire mine out, he's awake at 6am  in fact, the more tired he is, the earlier he wakes! I was told by an interfering colleague last week that he needed to be going to bed later than he does, that his bedtime of 6.15-6.30pm was ridiculous for a 4yr old starting school in September  I wouldn't dream of telling someone that!


----------



## Anjelissa

peacelily said:


> Wyxie said:
> 
> 
> 
> All the better because she slept until, I kid you not, 7:15 this morning. Wyxling, I love you so very much for many reasons, but the lie in this morning, was definitely near the top of the list!
> 
> 
> 
> I'm very jealous, Wyxie!! Doesn't matter _what_ I do to tire mine out, he's awake at 6am  in fact, the more tired he is, the earlier he wakes! I was told by an interfering colleague last week that he needed to be going to bed later than he does, that his bedtime of 6.15-6.30pm was ridiculous for a 4yr old starting school in September  I wouldn't dream of telling someone that!
Click to expand...

Same here PL, no matter if our little man goes to bed early or late he still wakes at about 6am (mind you it's only recently been 6am, it used to be 5am!  )
His normal bedtime is 7pm-7.30pm but a few weeks ago we had to stop naps due to the change in pre-school hours so we've had to change bedtime to 6.30pm until he gets used to it as he's still struggling a little without naps.
It still makes no difference to mornings though, 6.30pm or 7.00-7.30pm bedtime, he still wakes at 6am.
Waking at 7am would be wonderful!  
Mind you when they are teenagers (which I'm sure will happen before we know it!) we're bound to have the opposite problem!  

Anj x


----------



## wynnster

Oooo you'll hate me then when I tell you dd wakes between 8-9am then    (she goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps for 2hours during the day too   ) 
DS has always been an early riser though so I have had my share of 6am wake-ups    He now sleeps to a very satisfactory 7-7:30   

PL -    to your colleague!  DS goes to bed around 7-7:30, some of his school friends go to bed at 9    and some others at 6:30 and they're 6!  So whats good for one isn't necessarily good for another.


----------



## Anjelissa

at you Wynn!   
Anj x


----------



## Wyxie

Hehe Wyxling is normally 6:15 pretty much bang on toddling into our bedroom.  My husband's alarm goes off at 6:35 anyway, but that extra 20 minutes is murder some days.

I think it's the summer mornings though, during winter when my husband was off over Christmas or at weekends she was often sleeping to 8:00am.  She goes to bed about 7 and has about 1 1/2 hours in the day at the moment.  Sometimes a bit less.  Like others, sending her to bed later, or cutting out the nap (that was a mistake when we tried it!) doesn't make her sleep any later.  If she wakes up and it's light, she'll get up.


----------



## peacelily

wynnster said:


> Oooo you'll hate me then when I tell you dd wakes between 8-9am then  (she goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps for 2hours during the day too  )
> DS has always been an early riser though so I have had my share of 6am wake-ups  He now sleeps to a very satisfactory 7-7:30


I could really go off you, Wynn


----------



## Lizard39

The message I'm taking away from the past several posts is 'enjoy our weekend lie-in' whilst we have them!   We aren't lazy bones as up at 6:15am Mon-Fri but hubby & i probably don't wake up til 8:30-9am at the weekend and its lovely!   So based on   getting approved, matched and meeting our LO (let's be very optimistic & say 12 month   ) I think we have about 100 lie-in left - so will make the most of them!


----------



## ChickenLegs

Went to babysit my nieces yesterday whilst the men watched the football, but eldest niece is going through a phase of wanting to play pregnant dollies. _All_ her dolls are pregnant _all_ the time. I really don't want to play it, so I was ignoring that particular game and DH was getting a bit put out with me  Well, she was complaining a bit about it. But we played hairdressers instead in the end.

Adoption is definitely my first choice now, I don't want to be pregnant, and that ship has definitely sailed. But surely anyone would get fed up with these remarkably fecund dollies, right? I just want to someone to say "It's OK Auntie ChickenLegs, you don't have to play pregnant dollies!".

Sorry for no personals


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Blooming heck no escape even children chastise us  . I only have nephews so far although another bump is due next week so will probably be a niece 5/5 boys would seem unusual. Hoping by the time she's playing dollies I'll be well settled with my own family x x


----------



## newmum

Chicken legs I know how you feel whilst having IVF my two best friends where pregnant and now on the right adoption journey my two sister in laws have just had a baby each. Yesterday I had to spend all afternoon at my mother in laws with two new born babies, two proud Mums and non stop chatting about it all! I know adoption is what we want to do but I felt guilty about having to run upstairs and have a quiet cry in the toliet

Playing hairdressers sounds much more fun anyway! I think you are only human and I completely understand

I too don't ever want to get pregnant and never will anyway I just want my LO now I am so impatient  

Nm2b x


----------



## gettina

Hey chicken legs - we give each other permission to ignore anything pregnant  
I used to help at a cat shelter and even got peeved with the poor homeless cats for getting pregnant  
Well done on changing the game - exactly the right way to handle it.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

After my second failed IVF we went away with family. I am small but had noticeably put on a few pounds on my stomach, especially obvious in a swimming costume. BIL nearly died when then 6 year old neice ran up patted my tummy and shouted lovely 'oooh I think there's a baby in there!!' Kids, gotta love em


----------



## ChickenLegs

Aw, ours will be embarrassing us soon enough!


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
i havn't been on for an age but was having a quiet half hour so i thought i would catch up on your postings.
wow, i'm not usually taken to being over emotional but i have just read ddct's posts re meeting your lo's.
amazing.
it must be dusty here at the farm.

glad so many others are doing so well too.
take care.
**..


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All, 

Hi Farmboy, Hope you are well! Long to no see, read?? ha ha!

just a quick one as it is lunch time

Have just started decorating one of the nurseries!!!!! Is this actually real, surely it cant go wrong now. Am I doiing it too early. Very excited but nervous at the same time. I mean I am only giving it a neutral paint and nothing else but am I tempting fate as not been to panel yet. Oh well wall paper has now been removed so if it is too late then who cares cos I will be sellling it and moving to a hot country next to the sea if this doesnt happen!

xx


----------



## farm boy

hi fran.
i think you are doing right, you do have to be positive and keep things moving along. panel, pah, you wont have any trouble, be prepared and it will all be just fine.
afu. we are nearly at the end of our hs, i'm not sure what happens then. 
i can honestly say that the whole process of dealing with the la agency has been completely positve. every one we have had dealings with has been great. our prep course was great, our sw is great, the people on the end of the phone are great, all in all a very pleasent experience, long may it continue. i do hope that you all have a similar story to tell because god knows the stress is enough even now.
the sun is shining and were all getting closer to our dreams. good luck one and all.

**..


----------



## Doofuz

Hello all, lovely day!

Fran, H and I are sort of doing the same, the room is painted from child minding but needs a touch up...have been looking at beds, wardrobes, toy storage. We are very positive people - you go for it  

Panel in three weeks, the dreams are getting more weird each time! Haven't got time to read everyone's updates now as just off to work but keep it up everyone


----------



## Sun Flower

FrangipaniI, I have spent all day stripping wall paper in the spare room and I've not even had initial visit yet!   

I see it as therapy, it keeps me busy and I feel like I am doing something positive towards adoption, and I said exact same thing to DH, if this all falls through, we are moving! 

Reading your post has made me feel normal  

x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies..

Loving the stories on here...

Well i have got my Spanish crb back in time thank goodness... So not long to go for panel now, a week on Friday and counting down. Feeling scared, nervous and exited all at the same time. I hope that's normal. I have family trying to arrange celebrations for that evening but I'm not really comfortable as i am worrying now thinking what if we don't get approved what if they are tempting fate.  

Anyone else at may panel  ? 

xxx


----------



## newmum

Hi unconditional I'm similar to you got panel end of May. My SW can't get my check for when I lived abroad so is asking for a written declaration from myself so I hope this will be ok?? Bit worried about that!

Sounds lovely family arranging a celebration for you, surely you will be ok because SW wouldn't take you that far if there are going to be any problems. Well that's what I try to tell myself   would love my family to arrange something similar but we all live quite far away from each other (apart from my Mum and Dad) 

How many sleeps have you got? 21 for us   not that I'm counting  

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

We are May too, 16th!! And it's May tomorrow, Eeeeek and then some!!!!  

Unconditional love, your family sound so sweet! But I would be like you, totally worried about the 'what ifs' (although you will be just fine!) 

 Newmum, I am too scared to count sleeps at the moment, although have put up a ticker


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Lolly 16 sleeps  

I'm a may matching panel omg 21 sleeps for us argghhhhhh

Need to have a moan  
Anyone get fed up with the " you not going to know what's hit you" comments from people when we talk about future lo coming home. 
My reply tends to be we've waiting 11 years for this bring if on we're ready! 

Sorry for the me post. 

Hope everyone's ok? 

Hugs xxxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi,

Sorry about the lack of updates! The intention was there...but I wa too tired!

Love our children so so incredibly much, they are amazing and dh and I are absolutely head over heels in love with them.

They have settled perfectly, we had the review today and everyone was amazed at how they settled, an have attached to us. 

We had a really tough day on Sunday, little boy was poorly  We took them out and he was sick mummy and daddy coped well and he was a brave little soldier, we went back to FC and had cuddles. He was quite clingy to the FC, it was hard to see as we ha made so much progress  Took us longer to put him to bed, and we left feeling really emotional and shattered!

He perked up yesterday so we had them all day, we went to our cottage and shopping, we gae them dinner and bath...amazing  

Today was the best though by far...last day away from home and he didn't want the FC once! All mummy and daddy today, we went to the park and had lots of fun, ten bath and bed x

We are now home, just got back...left the cottage at 6.50 this morning  ...shattered again, but its worth it. They are coming here tomorrow and staying all day an night Thursday with placement Friday.

So happy, we are besotted with our perfect little pumpkins
Xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

DDCT ,lovely!!  It's great to hear how well it's going, can't wait for more updates one your family comes home  

I am sure a lot of people in our family don't think we know what we are doing and that we wont cope, luckily my three best friends have absolute confidence in our abilities which really helps.  

OH was supposed to get a CRB thing from Portugal but went to the embassy at his allotted time to be told he just had to wait and hope they had time to see him, otherwise he had to come back again the next day...     As he's self employed and time is money that certainly wasn't going to happen.  Luckily they did the other checks for his time in the forces and never pursued the Portugal thing, it was never mentioned again...  

Sorry, not got lots of time today, we have potential LO's SW coming to give us the once over....  Things are getting very real and a little but scary!  Update later x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ooh good luck Auntie Katie, hope it goes well! X

DDCT, it's so lovely to hear your updates, you sound soooo happy x

 cs x


----------



## Doofuz

Good luck Auntie Katie! 

DDCT - glad things are getting along for you, hope little boy feels better soon  

Hello crazyspaniel, how's things with you?

As for us - my sister has come to mine this morning and I have left her with our sw. She seemed a bit scared bless her. I have taken my niece to the beach, I'm very lucky. Sw meets H's parents this afternoon and that is all referees done and dusted. Next step should be receiving our PAR...

Have a good day all, brilliant weather, love it


----------



## Wyxie

Really glad to hear things are going so well DDCT.

I know it's really hard to see, but I think it's very postitive that while the children are bonding well with you, they still wanted their familiar carer when they were poorly/tired.  I think if they wanted you rather than their long term carer at that point, it would probably be a strong indicator of some long term attachment issues.  I would take some reassurance from their behaviour, which is what you would hope for from a child with a secure attachment to their carer.  Most mental health professionals who deal with attachment seem to agree that if a child has a secure attachment to their foster carer, they are much more likely to be able to form one with you in the longer term.  I really wouldn't let that upset you, but take it as a sign that your children are behaving in a very normal way.

I hope things carry on going well and fingers crossed for a smooth moving in.

Wyxie


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Meeting with FF SW, LO's SW and our SW went really well, was all very positive!  Since we last heard FC has now got LO to go to sleep on his own, he sleeps through from 7-7 and gets up at 7:30, he plays well on his own, is engaging, happy and the FC has only good things to say about him and she really feels with all the work she has done that he is ready to find his forever family...!  They are going to discuss and if we give the go ahead will plan to have a matching meeting next week...  If we get a yes then it's all out to get us to matching panel and plan intros! If he comes here then he will bring his bed with him (we thought we might have had to get a cot but he's in a toddler bed already!).

Our SW thought it was all looking good.    We saw pics and a video and it all feels very right... I'm not a gusher, but I have a warm feeling when I see him and I really think he may be our son.   

Of course, if they go away and decide we don't fit the necessary criteria we could be back to square one, but it doesn't feel like there are obstacles in our way and I think they are only considering us, despite a little flurry of interest in him recently.    OMG!  This could really be it! If we get a yes to go to Matching Panel and they agree to us proceeding I will call him my little Bluebird..  

The dogs were fabulous, the FF SW said she would hardly know we had one, let alone 3, they did us proud!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh auntie Katie that sounds very promising    they will love you I'm sure and well done doggies! Keep us posted but seems very positive  

Dreams your posts are just lovely and as a prospective adopter waiting for panel make me excited for the future. Your babies will be home soon  

Hope everyone else is doing well? xxxxx


----------



## newmum

Hi Auntie Katie sounds very positive you must be chuffed. Everything is going well that's great. Can I ask why bluebird? Are you a Cardiff City fan? DH and SS's have been season ticket holders for many many years! Nm2b x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi  all, 

Apologies for lack of personals but its been a **** day Yesterday was the placement hearing for our potential LO and we were told 'all is good, no reason it won't be granted' etc. Well something did crop up and the judge has adjourned it until the end of June I don't fully understand what has happened but something to do with insufficient evidence from court-appointed guardian. Does anyone know anything about these things as we are at a bit of a loss. Anyway time has been given to put this evidence together. SS are hopeful for June and LO's SW wants us and has seen our PAR but can't do anything until they have placement order. We are feeling very deflated as we had hoped to be able to tell close family that a LO was on the horizon. x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

newmum2b said:


> Hi Auntie Katie sounds very positive you must be chuffed. Everything is going well that's great. Can I ask why bluebird? Are you a Cardiff City fan? DH and SS's have been season ticket holders for many many years! Nm2b x


There is a slight Welsh connection so, Blue for boy, my little bird, put it together with that Welsh connection and you have Bluebird. Plus my dad is from Cardiff, but technically there is absolutely no connection to the football team...  I really don't do Football, am going to start getting lots of rugby balls in and put up some posts in the garden! 

Greenie, big hugs  That's just so frustrating. Always we are at the mercy of others and can only hope they do their jobs properly!


----------



## Unconditional-love

HI all..


New mum to be....My social worker didn't get my police check from abroad, i had the not so great pleasure of having to do it myself. I had a panick getting it sorted but luckily its back and was done from start to finish within 2 weeks. I don't want to worry you as your agency may be different to ours but i would recommend to get one as we were told without this we may get deferred at panel. If you need any help just let me know, my check was for spain so i know what to do. I think the family are just arranging drinks at a bar where dad used to drink, he sadly isn't here anymore but we do a lot of family celebrations at his ex local or rather his ex second home!! I have 9 more sleeps to go till panel, it doesn't seem real it's come around so fast.


Lolly....Well here it is the 1st may, not long to go now..  


emma1605...I get what you mean with all the comments, people saying you won't have 2 minutes to spare you wont know whats hit you, how will you cope, i even had someone tell me i was mad because if they had their time again they would never have had children. Some comments are very bad, i know we don't know what sex child we will get but i hate people calling the child IT that really winds me up, why not just say the child or kid or little one. Good job these people are only work people! Oh and the comment...so if your at panel on the 10th is that when you get the child   

Hi to everyone else

xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Greeniebop I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be bitterly disappointing for you.



Greeniebop said:


> Does anyone know anything about these things as we are at a bit of a loss. Anyway time has been given to put this evidence together.


A little, although the process has changed somewhat since I went on my adoption leave. Basically, the Court appoints a Guardian to instruct solicitors on behalf of the child, and they give a statement to the Court which includes a recommendation for long term plans for the child (which could include being placed for adoption, being cared for by a family member, return to birth parents) and reasons for that recommendation. It sounds as if either the Guardian's report was not submitted or the Court decided it was inadequate. I would be asking for more detail. If the Court felt she'd missed something that may be relevant to whether they make the placement order, and you're waiting for this child, they should tell you what the problem was - i.e. is it really something that might mean he isn't placed for adoption, or is it just that someone didn't tick all the right boxes.

I hope you get some answers soon.

Wyxie xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks Wyxie, Our SW has told us that they are hopeful for June hearing and that judge felt evidence was inadequate! x


----------



## newmum

Greeniepop    sorry to hear that

Unconditional love, thanks for the advice. My check will be for the Netherlands when i was a student for 6 months there. SW has  asked for a written declaration and doesn't seem to think we will have any problems so I hope we don't get deferred. She doesn't seem to think it will mater because we/she have done all we have and can do, so I really hope she's right. You've made me think whether I should now? 

Auntie Kate thanks for the explanation lol bluebird is a great name   especially because Cardiff have just been promoted. Got to admit I am not a big fan but the boys in the family are. Rugby in the garden sounds fun!

Nm2b x


----------



## Unconditional-love

nm2b..i am sure you will be fine with what the social worker has said, ours didn't give us an option and it was get the crb or panel shall be cancelled or deferred. If they can see that you've done all you can and that you are giving a written declaration then i cant see it being a problem for you. Maybe my la works different as i'm sure they all do. So sorry i didn't mean to worry you at all.

xxx


----------



## newmum

Thanks unconditional love x


----------



## snapdragon

unconditional-love: good luck for panel

Greeniebop: they shouldn't really have given you any info on the lo until they had the placement order. They are never guaranteed and delays are common. My la will only say there is a potential lo coming up soon and maybe their age but it sounds like you have seen a picture? Hope it all works out.

Everything is good with me. Lo has been home 4 months now and is really coming on. He managed to escape his cotbed yesterday which was a bit of a worry, a loud thump followed by screaming but he is fine.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

OMG!  After yesterday's meeting we have a big lovely YES from the SW's and they are going to have the matching meeting on 15 May, after that, all being well we'll be looking at a matching panel maybe mid to end of June... There was another couple who were a possible match but they have been discounted as we are much stronger candidates!!!  

Now, does this mean we are Linked?  Want to update my signature! lol


----------



## crazyspaniel

great news Auntie (mummy) Katie!!
I didn't change my status to linked until after matching meeting, didn't want to jinx it, but I'm sure it's just a formality  
Our MP date has been brought forward by one week yippieeee..!!! So now 5 wks to go instead of 6


----------



## Wyxie

Brilliant news Katie, so glad to hear that.

We are waiting on some photos to show Wyxling at the moment, I'm hoping it starts to make a bit more sense to her soon.  Also, I would quite like a photo or two myself!  We've seen a couple but had to give them back.  

Just occurred to me that if all goes well we will be meeting our son six weeks tomorrow.  I am completely unprepared, we need to sort Wyxling's bedroom out this weekend (moving her into the bigger room).  I need to work out what on earth I will need for a 10 month old that I don't have, so far all I've come up with that I don't have already is something to sterilise bottles, and a friend gave me a cold water one at the weekend.  I do need a decent buggy, my knee is not up to pushing a rubbish pushchair.  My house is a tip if I'm honest, a clean tip, but a tip, I'm about 3 months behind on paperwork, and this is with only one child, and I'm knackered.  I am really feeling that I have not had a day off in nearly a year, hubby is also the same.  He has a week's holiday next week and the plan is that we will both give each other one complete day off.  Next time we see my in-laws they're going to take Wyxling out for a full day, to give us both a break together before we have Bladelet placed.  Hopefully it will ease Wyxling into having more time with them too, as we will need to leave her with them for two full 9-5 days with M-I-L for the life appreciation day and planning meeting/initial meeting with Bladelet.

Waiting nervously at the moment.  Wyxling is confused about lots of things, and I'm struggling to explain in a way she understands that reassures her.

Snapdragon, glad to hear things are going well for you.  Wyxling could climb out of her cot at 18 months, so we put her in a sleeping bag, which we had to secure her into quite firmly (she could undo them of course), but it did stop her climbing out for 4 or 5 months - until she worked out how to roll over the cot bar, errk!  We then resigned ourselves to getting a bed for her.


----------



## Wyxie

Photo arrived today.  Just one, but it's a nice one.  He looks a lot like Wyxling, especially the eyes, which are gorgeous.  I have had quite a few looks before putting it away.  Haven't shown it to Wyxling yet, as she's been a bit stressed today, but I will do over the weekend.  Time is rushing on, we're moving Wyxling into the bigger bedroom tomorrow, she's worrying I won't love her as much when Bladelet is here, I'm doing my best to reassure her, without us talking about it all the time.  I want to focus on us, and make the most of our one to one time over the next few weeks.  Odd when I'm impatient, that time feels like it is slipping away from me.  

I think I'm just incapable of wishing time away any more, no matter how much I want something, given I've already missed too much of Wyxling's life.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow it's gone quiet on here over the weekend hasn't it, lets get moving again.

DDCT - How are things? Are your little pumpkins home now??

Who else was starting intro's this last week, I can't remember and don't recall seeing a post. How are things with you, hope Intro's are going smoothly

AFU - we've had a fantastic week and weekend, best yet. Weather has been great so plenty opportunity to be out in the fresh air which Poppet just loves. Lots of trips to different parks and play area's, visit to a museum, joined the local library, two picnics, car boot sale, kite flying (1st time she's done it and she was amazing at it), a friends babies christening yesterday and a local family fun day today. We've had lots of fun just to two of us and when with family & friends I could just burst with pride 😃 I actually got all emotional and filled up yesterday morning when she was all dressed up in her party dress and me and DH were all smart for the christening. It's one of those events that when you are hoping and trying for a family it can be hard at times being around other happy families as it makes you just earn that bit more, but at last that was us! She was adorable (a little monkey in the church like  ) there's was a bouncy castle and toys at the reception so she happily played with the other kids with her slightly older cousin 'taking care of her', she kept running back to check in with Mammy and Daddy and to get a big cuddle. My necks killing now off twisting and turning to keep her in sight the whole time, we just couldn't take her eyes off her, mainly to make sure she was safe and happy but also because she is such a joy to watch, smiling and laughing all the time and so soft and kind to the other children. She met some family and friends that she hasn't been introduced to in person yet and just took it in her stride, of course everyone was cooing over her 😍 She slept soundly for 12hours last night (rare for her to sleep through and for so long) she was just so happy and content at bedtime it was lovely to see. She's now sound asleep in bed again, another drama free bedtime, hoping for another solid 12hours but only time will tell. She just loves running about playing and wearing herself out, she is so sociable she just loves meeting ppl. I'm totally wrecked now after a fun filled week and two long days out and about, but I'm also very happy and content. Just love every inch of her, she's just amazing and fits in with us, our personality, life etc perfectly. I don't think they could of found us a better match if they tried, totally can't imagine our lives without her and trying to think back to a few months ago it's almost blank, I really feel like she's been here forever it's crazy  

So to everyone still jumping through the HS hoops or waiting for a match, hang in there. Your time will come and how amazing it will be


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah Poppets Mummy that's lovely she just sounds like a little sunbeam.
Can't believe how gorgeous the weather has been today loved it  . Makes me think of Lo's a lot and wish the time away till everything is done instead of just starting like we are now. Been to my parents today lunch outside with two of my brothers which was nice and a walk with the dog through the park and down the beach so chilled. Hope you all made the best of the sunshine x x x x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Lovely update PM!  I think some of the chat has been going on whilst hijacking another thread...    (we are norty hijackers... lol)

I was watching DH doing lots of gardening stuff this weekend, lots of hot, heavy work to get the garden sorted whilst we have the chance, but kept imagining him with a little Bluebird to help... carrying branches, helping with a little watering can, helping to spread the grass seed... It's an idealistic view I know but I can't help but see us as a family, although we aren't even at Matching Panel yet!  We had our nephew to stay too and I know he's great with LO's but I am making a conscious effort to let him know we won't leave him out (despite him being 17, he likes to come and spend time with DH).  I feel like I'm allowed to get a little excited now and my Amazon wish list is growing... Whilst I am trying to be realistic and accepting that things could still go wrong... I'm stuck in a Paradox!  lol


----------



## skyblu

What a lovely weekend you have had Poppets Mammy. Nothing better than that over whelming feeling of being a proud mammy and daddy 

AuntieKatie - what a lovely post. I used to sit there and watch DH doing various thing and thinking, when lo comes along I can see him having a little helper doing this and that. You keep that thought there because you will get there and soon. 

AFU - Lo is coming on in leaps and bounds and makes us happier each day, she is a joy.
We had a family day out today and met up with my brother and partner and my niece and family, so a big family day out with four children all in all.
We went to the beach and lo had an ice cream in a cone and oh my god what a mess, but a mess I wanted to photograph for so long, how sad am i   So I now have the spag bog one and now the ice cream one, lovely.
I have now also got the photograph I have always wanted which is DH and lo walking away from me hand in hand down the beach towards the sea, it is beautiful and can't wait to get it blown up on a canvass.
She had a lovely time with my great nieces and a nephew and is now sharing toys etc which in the beginning was a problem.
We have had to have a chat to her about talking to strangers, so she is stranger aware, some of you will know why if you see my post on the adopted children site on FF. After introducing my nieces husband who she has never seen before came to play with his children and our lo making sandcastells he tried to talk to her, she turned her head away from him and looked at me and said " No mummy, stranger". Felt a little embarrassed but also proud with her for remembering what we had talked about. After we said is was o.k that mummy and daddy know him and it was o.k for him to talk to her and build sandcastells with her and his children she was a happy bunny and kept on coming up to me/daddy and saying "mummy, mine having fun", (she refers to herself when she says mine) giving us the tightest hugs ever.

We had a very tired munchkin when we got home and every night when we put her to bed we hear her on the monitor talking to her teddies about her day, tonight she was saying over and over, sand, sea, fun, and was going through the names of her cousins.
Also tonight for the very first time she said " LOVE YOU" when we kissed her goodnight. A very proud moment and tears welled up in both our eyes.
I doubt for a moment she knows what it means, but we have always said it when we say good night to her so maybe she is just copying us, but none the less a very proud and happy mummy and daddy. And this guys is what dreams are made of. 
We went through a lot to get here but my god the heart ache and hoop jumping is so worth it.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Pm - what a delightful post. You sound so very happy and proud. It's a pleasure to read. I would be a blubbering wreck seeing her all dressed up. I keep crying when im washing and ironing his clothes...heaven help when hes real lol 
We have my cousins wedding 6 weeks after matching panel. He's more like my little brother than my cousin and he and his wife to be are lo's guardians. I have often wondered if lo will be ready to go to the wedding. We certainly wouldn't push him (dh will stay at home with lo) but it would be a magical experience. All through our treatment I had a re-occurring dream of walking into his wedding carrying a baby on my hip. In my dream it was a girl though. When we moved on that was one of the first things I said to dh ' my dream can't come true now' but now it just might (with a different sex baby 

Kate - you won't be dreaming of that image before long. It will be reality. Keep picturing it and it WILL happen. Not if...only when  

Wyx, hope everything went well showing wyxling your photo. I have to say I am well impressed with you putting the photo away. I would be pinching sneaky peeps all the time x

Afu, we met the fc last week and it was magical. They brought lo to life so much. We also had our last meeting with the sw's. Next time we see them will be at panel (10 more sleeps!!) and the next time they come to our home will be during intro's, when lo is here. That seems so surreal. Lo has been allocated a new sw. She was fab and grew up about 5 mins from where I grew up, which is a good 20 miles away. It was lovely chatting about my teenage 'stomping' ground. Still haven't got an official day for intros but they are hoping approx may 26 ish - less that 3 weeks away. Amazing.


----------



## Flash123

Sky our posts crossed. What a magical day you have had. I've been reading your other post and I am so pleased for you with lo reacting the way she did. May 6th definitely a day for your memory book, the first time YOUR daughter said she loved you. You can't buy moments like that xx


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## liveinhope

We had our son's dedication on Sunday and it was amazing.  Finally we had reached a point that DH and I have had planned in our minds for a long time.  DS did really well as there were lots of people there and it must have been quite overwhelming for him.  He (and us) were thoroughly spoilt.

So I think all our big milestones are done now - we've had the first of everything (Christmas, mothers day, birthdays etc), court day and now dedication. Now we get on with our lives...at least until the end of the year when we will make the call about number 2!

Lots of love everyone xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Poppers Mammy & Skyblu - I LOVE reading your updates. I know adoption isn't going to be a bed of roses, but your updates and how far you have come with your LO's in the past several weeks is amazing - helps counter balance some of the tougher stuff we were told in intro session & I'm sure will be covered in detail in Prep Groups. Your LO's sound amazing and you both seems sooooooooo happy & proud mummies  . Poppets Mummy - I had this wonderful image on your LO all dressed up for the christening and can't even begin to understood how proud you & your hubby were. Skyblu - seems like your LO is learning - bet it was alittle funny when she said 'no mummy stranger'  

AuntieKate - I'd say your allowed to get very excited now! Soon you'll have to change your name as you'll be a mummy  

Flash - it's all coming together now - this time next month...... 

Livinhope - wonderful news about your son's dedication day - bet it was very special

Hello Gwyneth & everyone else. Hope your all doing ok

AFU: Nothing really to report from us. Though I do have a question for those who are nearly at panel or post panel waiting to be matched or have your forever family.....how much voluntary childcare experience did you get during this process? I'm just wondering how much is enough?  Reason I ask is hubby is helping out at children's tennis coaching for 2 hours a week, but it only last 12 weeks - is this enough? Also I'm going to be going to a crèche (which are really flexible of when I go) but I was wondering how many hours I should do? I did phone our local school twice to help out and no-one bothered to phone me back so guess they aren't interested! Neither hubby or I work with children, but we are 'upping' the amount of time we are spending with friends children this year,  as we have kinda avoided them the last 18 months when having tx.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lizard it sounds like you are doing plenty, showing willing with voluntary and getting experience, as well as within normal family life with your friends. For hubby is there anything else he could access after like scouts or further sports coaching? There are bound to be more things coming up as we get closer to school hols. I reckon a couple of hours a week would be plenty as generally people are realistic that you need to fit placements around work.  

We were lucky in that I work with children and agency felt DF had a good overview of little ones from friends and from discussing childcare with me. So now I preach at him, nappies, toilet training, eating, discipline, activities... and you know what, all that will go out the window when we have our own little one   pretty certain nothing can ever prepare you for parenting


----------



## custard

Hi All,

Sorry I've not posted updates - this process has been all-consuming, and we've barely had time to call our families since intros started. The little ones have been home for a week now, and it's hard work, but going well.

Lizard - I'd definitely get as much experience as you possibly can. I know it's tough fitting it in amongst everyday life, but it helps *so* much. Once you're in and doing stuff with your little ones you'll be trying to think about so many things, it really helps if you're confident with most of the basics (how much food to give, how often they need drinks, bathing, toilet routines and all that stuff). Having children suddenly though adoption feels a lot like learning to drive a car. At the moment we're having to think about every single step of every process, much like mirrors, changing gear and so on when you're a learner. Once you've got some basics off pat, then it's easier to concentrate on the harder things, like your child's emotional needs and so on. You really don't want to know how long it is taking us to get them dressed and breakfasted at the moment!!!  Heaven help us once we have to do school runs and so on! 

Right, I'd better be off to bed - I'm knackered!
J xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

snapdragon-Thank you, So glad everything is going well for you.

Really happy for all you ladies its amazing how fast things go for us all.

AFU..2 more sleeps to go before panel, i don't actually feel nervous right now however I am sure all that will change in the next day or so. I can't actually believe this day has come around so quick. Any advice on what to wear for panel? 

xxx


----------



## newmum

Hi all

Lizard.. Sounds like you are doing a lot and any experience will be valuable. I wonder if we should its funny how SW hasn't mentioned this or perhaps because DH has two boys she thinks we've got experience. However I think I will be needing more experience like custard mentioned in regards to how much food etc.. Will look into this

Custard.. Glad things are going well all though hectic which I expect is quite normal   hope you got a good sleep

PM and Skyblu.. Wonderful stories, love reading them it really helps me and also DH when I give him up dates.  You sound really happy and creating lovely memories

Livin hope.. Congatulatuins on your sons dedication day, I hadn't heard of this so had to look it up, sounds wonderful

Auntie Katie... I'm like you, every minute I'm thinking wow LO will be doing this with me soon, I keep on Thinking how life will change so much and things will be so different. I'm quite a routine person and preparing myself on how my whole routine will change. Also preparing DH things will change.

DDCT how's things with you? Are your LO's home?

Unconditional.. 2 more sleeps hey amazing. I've been wondering what to wear to panel also, and ended ordering loads of top/tunics from next last night! Was thinking a longish top/tunic with leggings or slim fitting trousers. What will DH wear? Was thinking shirt and trousers? I guess the lovely ladies here will give you some good advice. Good luck 

Flash 123.. Things are moving for you now, not long till intros now! 

AFU yipee our abroad check came back!! Just waiting for one more that SW has been chasing! Less than two weeks till panel. Your meeting with FC sounds like it went well.

Sorry if I've missed anyone 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wardrobe advice also associated!! I had it in my head what to wear but now it's come to it my head has become jumbled and I justddon't know anymore   Eeek, nearly there unconditional   andyou too newmum   oh have had a new clothing thought, linen trousers?!!! My head is mush, can't even dress myself


----------



## newmum

Lolly... Linen trousers good idea.   x


----------



## Lizard39

Thank-you for your advice Loly, Custard & Newmum2be - really appreciate.

Lolly &  Unconditional Love - what to wear - linen trousers sound a good option if it nice & sunny but if its cold & raining you might be a little chilly! Hubby always says to me 'where what you feel comfortable in' as the last think you want to be doing is thinking OMG this is too tight, too small, too big or i wish i hadn't got my legs out in a skirt/dress when i only ever wear trousers etc. Just make sure your & DP shoes are nicely polished - I'm alittle wierd though   and think shoes tell alot about a person! Also if you are wearing all black (as us ladies tend to) add a splash of colour I would say in a necklace or scarf. But what do I know....I could be talking complete rubbish


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Lolly, unconditional, and newmum you'll look beautiful in whatever you wear  

I wore trousers and a nice dressy top with a little shrug and as our matching panel is in a different area I'm going to wear it again lol so that's my outfit sorted haha. 

Hope everyone is going well so many panels coming up for everyone we've got less than 2 weeks to matching panel so this weekend will be spent posing for photographs for talking photo album. 
Lo FC is fab she's texts us at every milestone which is fab, he started crawling this weekend just hope he stays off his feet now for the next 4 weeks as we want to see him walk haha. 
3 weeks till intros IF they say yes at panel omg!!!!! 

Hugs to everyone 

Xxxxx


----------



## Wyxie

Wear what you're comfortable in, whether it's jeans or a suit, or an excuse for a new dress!  For me, I like long floaty skirts, but don't have many these days, hard to get nice ones that flare out enough these days for my taste.

Copied this from another thread for the ladies looking for wardrobe advice:

I think it's nice to get a new outfit, and it shows you're making the effort, but don't worry about it too much.

Our first approval panel I had the norovirus, it started literally, just as I was leaving the house to go, and my husband kept telling everyone I was just nervous.  Honestly, I've never been so physically sick in my life.  I realised after we got back in the car to go home that I'd managed to get just a little bit of sick on the back of my skirt at some point, between being sick out the car door on the way there - something I have never in my life done before - and in the toilets while we were there.  I never even noticed, it was all I could do to stay upright while we were in panel.  Anyway, if I can get approved with sick on my skirt, I'm pretty sure there's not too much to stress about.

Still nice to get a new outfit.

Incidentally, at our first matching panel, I wore the same skirt, and managed to brush past some gloss paint in our newly painted spare room on the way out the house, which I didn't notice until we got there.

The next time we went to panel for approval, I wore jeans.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I wore jeans, I had thought about a dress, and nice trousers but frankly they want to know you can get down and dirty with a child so I figured smart casual was best, therefore jeans and a nice top, good boots... I also wore jeans that were more generous so they thought I might have lost some weight    lol! Just be you, be comfortable and try to feel confident and in control, don't try to be something you aren't because the day can be stressful enough.

As for having norovirus Wyxie, OMG!  My hat is off to you for getting through it! I missed my niece's birthday with that about 6 years ago, I'm not sure I would have got in the car!


----------



## Wyxie

I am absolutely certain that for anything else, I would not have got in the car.  I still can't believe I got through panel without being sick.  We were in for 20 minutes, and the room was spinning, violently, the whole time.  My SW had to come and get me out the toilets before we went in, and I could hardly stand up.  The only thought that kept me going was that if we got approved, I could get home, go to bed, get better, and then I'd be able to throttle my husband for the million times he said "yes, Wyxie's just a bit nervous".


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Had a horrible nightmare last night!!! In it Bluebird was home  but he hated me! Every time I put him in his stroller to take him out, as soon as my back was turned he undid his straps and ran away and I had to spend ages trying to track down a 2 year old in a village... (one of those dreams where it's your village but doesn't look anything like it). One time he was found by my neighbours who were concerned because he was crying and saying he hated me...  There was more to it than that but I've forgotten some already.  It was as though he hated me for taking him away from his FC.

I know it was just a ream but it was horrible... One of many odd dreams to come I guess?! 

On a plus note, I found the most stunning mummy bag last night but think I might be pushing my luck a little! See below, top of the range silly money and then one which is more reasonable and one that's more in budget perhaps:


http://www.johnlewis.com/storksak-sofia-changing-bag-tan/p231547950


http://www.johnlewis.com/pacapod-napier-changing-bag-black-charcoal/p230742062


http://www.johnlewis.com/babymel-big-slouchy-changing-bag-twisted-khaki/p231193165


----------



## crazyspaniel

Auntie Katie, ooh glad its not just me with the bizarre dreams! Mine seem to revolve around LO being all grown up by the time she gets here....
Last night she arrived dressed in sch uniform looking about 7 ha ha x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Quick post  

Wyxie -   I love your panel story, so funny.

Auntiekatie - I just got a nice large bag from Accessorise, gorgeous bags, good quality, big enough to get everything in and a fraction on the cost of official changing bags. Just a little tip  

I too had lots of crazy dreams and just like AuntieKatie's and Crazyspaniel's, it's normal and passes


----------



## peacelily

Poppets Mammy said:


> Auntiekatie - I just got a nice large bag from Accessorise, gorgeous bags, good quality, big enough to get everything in and a fraction on the cost of official changing bags. Just a little tip


I got the freebie changing bag from Boots when I joined their Parenting Club!! I was so excited by that. It lasted 2.5years  and DH was happy to use it as it wasn't too girly


----------



## Flash123

Hay auntie, those 3 were on my list too. My favourite is the Sofia but a friend of a friend had one and the first leaky bottle it was absolutely ruined and you couldnt take it out in the rain. But I absolutely adore it. That's the one I'm thinking of getting for sunny day outings without the chance of leaky anythings...don't think I have any chance with an 8 month old lol but one can still dream


----------



## Flash123

Peacelily I didn't have the free bag voucher with my pack , you've just reminded me I need to complain to see if I can get a replacement!


----------



## oliver222

Loving the changing bags. I have a bit of a weekness for designer bags and I have already told hubby to expect a hefty price tag.


----------



## newmum

Thanks for the what to wear advice 

Wyxie what a story    

Auntie Katie hope you don't have any more dreams like that., I can't open the links but remember seeing a lovely bag from Cath Kidston.

Nm2b x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi everyone..


just wrote a huge post and lost it some how..very annoying.


newmum2b - thank you, not long now for panel these next 2 weeks shall fly by. Glad your check came back fine. Dh is wearing jeans a smart shirt and smart shoes.


lizard - My hubby says the same regarding being comfortable which i guess is right really, the weather here is forecast rain tomorrow so i shall have to give linen trousers a miss although sounds nice as they are sooo comfortable.


auntie katie - I hope your dreams ease off that must be so horrible till you of course wake up. sounds like they are normal at this time. Love all those bags however as poppet says a cheaper one is the way forward for me, i don't think i could justify £250 for a mummy bag. I do like the £85 one.


AFU..I came home from work this evening to be greeted with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a card from my big sis wishing us well for tomorrow how lovely after a hard day at work, anyway I have finally decided what to wear for panel tomorrow, as dh and everyone else keeps saying be comfortable i have decided to do just that, i am going to be wearing jeans a smart top my blazer and Ive bought some ted baker flats as i really don't want to wear heels at all. I don't know why but i have this vision of me falling over! plus accessories but not too much. I have treated myself to a new dress for tomorrow evening for the family celebration, that's IF it is i celebration if not i think i will leave the country or go into hiding till i get over it in a few centuries time   

1 more sleep to go   

xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Good luck tomorrow unconditional love


----------



## Flash123

Unconditional good luck for tomorrow ...not that you'll need it xx


----------



## Wyxie

Good luck for panel Unconditional Love.  Let us know how it goes.


----------



## newmum

Good morning and good luck unconditional x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thinking of you today unconditional love


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Good luck!!  And don't forget to ask SW to take a photo after for your memory box


----------



## Sq9

Good luck unconditional


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck unconditional xxxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi girls! Ive not been on here for a while but been reading all the posts...lots of great news! Love the bags girls I really will need to get one as time is moving on. What do you NEED for a toddler Actually starting to panic as so busy at work havent had time to get loads of things. In saying that our LO probably wont be home until mid/end June  Its seems to be dragging in now..As for dreams Ive had a few and they are weird and wonderful , I think it's your brain trying to figure out what is going on!


Uncondtional hope you got on okay and are celebrating!!!


Sorry for lack of personals. I am so tired and feeling nervous = we have our MP this Thursday so ... getting excited and frightened all over again. Our SW says its 99.9% but hey I'm still worried !!   


Anyway girls hope you all have a lovely weekend. Love Noodles XX


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Noodles work is a pain isn't it. To be fair pregnant women do very little in the work place ( in my experience) post 5 months because everyone falls over themselves to help / isn't bothered if they call in sick / leaves early / say they are exhausted. If only we could get that kind of running round you'd have loads of time to get stuff for lo. What about amazon and get it delivered to work? Not perfect but will solve the need for stuff and work stress. Hope the next few weeks fly x x x


----------



## Arrows

noodles, it really depends on what you mean by toddler, what they bring with them and what they're used to at the foster home! 
What bed are they in? I recommend investing in a cot bed as this works birth up to age 6.
How good a walker are they? Do they still nap in the day? If they do then our Babyjogger City Mini pushchair is fantastic but if not then a simple cheap stroller is plenty. Think about if they use/ you want to use reins.
Do you have any out of bounds areas? We do so we have safety gates.
Car seat is essential and you'll feel better yourself if you invest in a good one. I recommend the Maxi Cosi Axis (age 0-4) as it swivels to face the door and saves your back a fair bit.
A storage unit i.e. lots of tubs to put toys, nappies (if using) etc in. Your house will permanently be a mess during the day but it's nice to have somewhere to put stuff at night so you can feel like a grown up again.
High chair. If you want one that will grow with them go for one like the TripTrap. We didn't (though got LO at 10mths), and the problems we've found with ours is that the tray isn't removable, and is quite small. They make a lot of mess feeding themselves so a larger tray really helps.


----------



## someday

Hope everyone is well.l I haven't posted in a while. Intros went really well and our little ones are now home. They came home on Wednesday and are settling in really well. I am loving our new family life.


----------



## Unconditional-love

We had the wost day ever yesterday   


Panel was running late so we were 2 hours late to start with.


We were rejected by panel, totally heartbroken. 


The reasons were dh was abused once as a child and the other reason was we took our nephew out for the day and he didn't say thank you so we asked him to use his manners and because of that we fell out with his parents or rather they fell out with us. The chair said it was a childcare issue which i thought was ridiculous we only asked a child to use his manners, He also said something may trigger dh's abuse in the future even though it hasn't since it happened almost 30 years ago, and even if it did he/we would deal with it.


2 things which are completely not our faults and these people have taken away our right to be parents just like that, yet the adoption team thought we should have been approved, so unfair and so cruel.


Hurting so bad right now.


How are we supposed to move on from this ??

xxx


----------



## superal

Unconditional love...sorry I have no real answeres but couldn't just read your post and run........I'm so sorry for you to get this far and for these 2 issues to be brought up now and not before I would be getting intouch with your SW and asking them a few questions as to why are these 2 issuses have resulted in you being turned down to adopt and how are they going to support you to resolve these issues and hopefully get re-approved.

Don't give up hope and I really hope these issues can be resolved and you get to adopt your family.


----------



## Flash123

Unconditional, I so sorry my sweetheart . Words just fail me and I don't know what to say. I definitely think you should speak to your sw about it. If im not mistaken, As panel is only a recommendation I am sure you can appeal, though I fully understand that won't  take away the pain you are feeling right now. My lovely take care of each other and know we are all here to help you in any way we can xxxx


----------



## Marley49

So so sorry uncondtional Love. What did your SW say about the decision? We're you expecting that? Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Unconditional I am so sorry you have been put in this position. Right here and now you probably just need some time to yourself to try and keep yourself sane. 

When you feel ready I would definitely look into appeals I know that the approval people have over turned panel decisions before. 

Also I would talk to SW they are probably also very shocked and should be willing to fight your corner / show how you can prove these issues are not the thing they think they are. 

Also (warning you may not like this one) go to your nephews parents and reason with them to get them to come out in support. Bottom line if your nephew needed a kidney they would come to you and ask you to get tested / donate without a second thought for the fact there has been a fall out. Your family is in danger and it is their moment to grow up, step up and realize there are much bigger things in this world. 

I am so sorry we are all here for you although there isn't really anything we can do to help I really wish there was x xx x


----------



## GERTIE179

Unconditional Love - I'm sooo sorry for you <huge hug>

Your SW should be able to go through this with you and let you know what your options are. The abuse issue - maybe counselling will help them see he has taken steps to prevent in future (even if you both know it). The childcare one seems strange when families fall out over small things all the time. I presume you recognise that diff parenting styles / techniques are each to own. With adopted kids behaviour sometimes you just can't sweat the small stuff ie manors.
Good luck and hope you have good support around you just now as I can only imagine how crestfallen you are.
X x


----------



## gettina

Omg unconditional. Horrified for you both. 
I hope, with your sw -and I'd be asking to liaise with the most senior one/ manager - you can get past this. More hoops to jump through I reckon which is dreadful but don't see this as the end. 
Xxxxxxxx
Gettina


----------



## Sq9

. So sorry to hear that - definitely need to speak to sw and manager.  I'm sure they will want to do everything they can to help you get through this xxx


----------



## Primmer

So sorry   I would recommend doing what others have said and speak to your sw to find out more.


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: Don't know what to say really. What did your sw and the manager say? I assume its an outright rejection and not a deferment.  Sounds really unfair.

The decision maker will have the final say. They usually agree with the panel but you never know.


----------



## newmum

Unconditional love I am so sorry and fighting back the tears for you God knows how you and DH are feeling, I am gutted for you!

I won't give you any advice I think the lovely ladies on here have. 

Will give you plenty of   and  

Nm2b x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies

Thank you for all your kind messages.

SUPERAL; I have emailed our sw this mornig but no reply as yet.


FLASH; I know that panel are only there to make a recommendation however the team manager said whilst telling us the decision that their decision is normally the final decision even from the decision maker, so basically panel are the decision makers.


MARLEY; I have mailed other prospective adopters also and no one can understand the decision. We was all expecting an approval including our sw, she was in tears


GWYNETH; Yes i have been thinking just go face the family and explain my situation and hope they can forget the little thing that happened.


GERTIE; Good idea regarding the counselling although dh is adamant if he went down that road it would be worse as he has no memory of it happening.

GETTINA; i really hope your right that this isn't the end.

SNAPDRAGON; It was an outright rejection, very unfair. The manager and our social worker were just as shocked they was not expecting anything other than an approval. Our sw was in floods of tears just as we were. The manager couldn't say sorry enough, we were all lft feeling very confused regarding the decision.

NEWMUM2B; SQ9; PRIMER Thank you

AFU;  I have drafted up a letter to send to the decision maker with our views in the hope she will see things from our side. and also one for the head of panel and i have also been advised to send one to the pm. I will do anything i can right now, there is no way we can sit back and forget it. I have cried a river and had no sleep but i cant let it go. 

xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think going to your local MP could be a good idea.  It is high up the agenda. O'd start cc all letters you send to your MP. They do actually help sometimes x x


----------



## daisy0609

Unconditional love I'm so sorry to hear that we got deferred the first time we went to panel so have a slight idea how you are feeling the only thing that we did was stay in constant contact with our social worker to try n resolve issues that were brought up.
I know nothing can take away the pain that you are feeling just know that everyone is here for you no matter what you need x


----------



## superal

unconditionallove....I really hope you get some answers........give yourself time to yourselfs BUT at the same time don't give up hope....i know tis easy for me to say...........rant and rage as much as you like on here............we are all here to support you.

Andrea
x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Unconditional love, so sorry this has happened    xx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

That's all just ridiculous.  I sometimes wonder if they have to turn down a quota of people and look for any excuse!  The most ridiculous thing is that some other child's parents disagreed with your request for manners, how does that effect how you would parent a child? Also, as others have said, your OH has dealt with his demons for all these years, a simple request for some counselling sessions could have been made a lot earlier in the process.  I am so mad on your behalf and I hope you can make them see sense.  Don't see this as the end, just something else you need to overcome.

They are crying out for parents, how can they be so blinkered?


----------



## liveinhope

Just echoing what every one else has said Unconditional.  You must feel terrible right now but you sound like a fighter! You have all our support


----------



## Unconditional-love

I could not get through this without the support on here so thank you ladies you are being a great help to us both   

I have spoken to my sw, she is arranging a meet with the manager on Monday and i have to also speak to the manager on Monday to arrange for her to come out to explain this and give us our options.

Our sw has told me not to write a letter to the mp at this stage as we may be seen as trouble makers?

She did say that no one at our agency agrees with panel and they will all be having talks regarding this, the manager our sw and the second opinion sw who was also going to be our family finder had nothing but good reports on us which shall be seen by the decision maker and shall have to be taken into consideration. However i am not hopeful at all as the manager did state yesterday that panels decision has always been the decision makers decision as i said before.

At least they are seen to be doing something i just have no faith in the system after yesterday.

xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Unconditional - sending you lots of   &   for this to be turned around. Don't give up hope and we are all hear to support you and the ladies have given you some fantastic advice and I'm sure will continue to do so. Sorry I don't have any wise words of wisdom, but thinking of you & sending lots of   and hope Monday brings afew answers and an action plan  xxxx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi Unconditional

I'm so sorry to hear your news and just wanted to say hopefully on Monday you will get a few answers and it will be quickly sorted out for you and your DH.

Beckyboo x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Unconditional do exactly what feels  right to you. If in your heart you agree with SW and feel  involving external people then this will be the best thing for you. However just to play devils advocate - why does that make you a trouble causer?

I work in children's services and as part of my job take parents to court and or fine them (a small part I mainly work sportively). If a parent contacted their MP about something I had done it wouldn't be ideal for me however I know that what I have done would be correct and the MP would agree with my professional decisions. 

Just make sure everything you do is on your best interest and not to keep it quiet and protect the agencies reputation / avoid bad press and put other potential adopters off them. Sending so many   and   for a quick resolution. x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Unconditional love - I can't believe I'm actually reading this. I'm soooo sorry you didn't have a better panel experience and are going through all of this, can't imagine how you feel. Hopefully this will all get resolved and perhaps panel chair might say if you do XYZ we will give you another panel date. It would be annoying and more hoops to jump through but it may provide some light at the end of your tunnel, you just never know. To to stay positive and productive. Find all your options out, even if you run out of options with this agency and/or appeal unsuccessfully are you able to apply through a different agency? Find all this out on Monday. None of this sounds ideal but if it will get you what you want at the end of it it will be worth it.
I really can't believe this has happened and their reasons are loopy  

Sending lots of hugs, we are all behind you     
Xx


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: while thats true the decision maker wont deal with situations like this very often, its very rare for panel to reject a couple supported by their sw and manager. Also the decision maker is fairly new. They had a new one for our Dec matching panel (for anyone else we are with the same la).


----------



## Frangipanii

Unconditional-Love.... I have been busy and only just read about this. I am so so so sorry about what happened. You dont deserve this, this is completely ridiculous. I am gutted for you and I am sure there must be something wrong here!!!! I wish you all the best in sorting this out, which I am sure you will. Love to you x x x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Unconditional, I didn't want to read and run. I am so very sorry that you have been subjected to this experience and I hope that your SW is able to give you some answers etc on Monday. Stay strong honey, easier said than done i know. i am completely lost for words in terms of what you have been through. will be thinking of you xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Unconditional-love.....I haven't had a chance to catch up on this thread for ages and only get to glance through quickly, but I just had to leave you a message. I echo all the others have said and I'm so very sorry to hear about your awful experience at panel  .
Words fail me to be honest (and that doesn't happen often!)

I can understand certain reasons for people not being taken on by agencies and even assessments being put on hold part of the way through when issues are uncovered, but to get all the way to panel and then be turned down due to the reasons they gave you is ludicrous and quite frankly a prime example of the very flawed system as it stands at the moment.   
It just seems that the panel members have completely discounted the fact that your sw, second opinion sw, and your entire agency of professionals didn't feel either reason was a cause for concern?  
It just seems to make a bit of a mockery of the whole hs and assessment!  

It would seem words didn't actually fail me at all in the end!  

I hope it all turns around for you somehow and that you are given full support from your agency   

Anj x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Unconditional    How can your SW and manager put you fwd and for Panel to react like that?  Gutted for you. You must keep on fighting this. The Girls have given you loads of good advice and I cannot think of how else to help. What would I do?...
You need to take good care of yourself and DH - poor him he'll be feeling Awful - what a shame....   Check out all your options with current LA. Your MP if he/she is worth their weight, would be confidential - so you do what you feel right. The papers? My thought on this is ... if it is Panel statistics and so many a year are not put fwd, why you? Why did your sw, la not suspect any of this? ? ? How did you get so far along the adoption route --- to be given this answer? I'd be making a list of questions and I'd be wanting answers. The small complication with 'manners' and family I'd get them to be there on Monday at your meeting to explain ... Sorry I have ranted a little there. I really do feel for you. 


Stay strong. We're all here for you! X


----------



## Wyxie

I can't imagine how devastated you must be right now, having thought you were so close.  What a disgusting situation to be put in.  I can see why the SW and Manager thought it would not be an issue though.  Lots of people with histories of abuse are approved.  The SW and her Manager should explain the appeal process to you.  If you don't get anywhere with that the only other option is to involve your MP or go straight to Martin Narey directly as an absolute last resort.  

My understanding is that even though this panel turned you down, if an appeal were unsuccessful it may still be possible another one would approve you, if you could demonstrate that these issues were dealt with and this panel had made a mistake.  I am sure a lot of panels would have approved you in this situation, and your SW must feel the same or it wouldn't have gone to panel.  It may be worth asking about that at the meeting on Monday so you are aware of all your options now.

I hope you manage to get some answers soon.

Thinking about you.

Wyxie xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

UL - I am so so sorry honey x x x Massive hugs x   x


----------



## skyblu

UL - I am gutted for you.   As the others have said this issue should of been pulled up once your SW heard of this rather than taken you to panel and getting you rejected like that. Obversely your SW would of taken these matters to her manager and if there was no problem then why have panel done this to you. As some have said maybe they need to reject a few a year, I hope this is not the case, because it would be bloody unfair on you and everyone going through adoption. 
You can appeal, and please don't give up. Ask your SW as many questions as you can and get answers for them and if you are still unhappy, you go all the way and make trouble.

I know it is not the same thing, but we were pulled out of panel 4 weeks before we were due to go and were deferred for a year.
We made a complaint to the agency and made it clear we were not backing down and this got us deferred rather than a flat no.
Yes there was a lot of heartbreak and a lot of hoop jumping but we got there in the end and have a beautiful girl asleep in her cot now.

Don't give up and I am really really sorry this has happened to you both. Take care of each other and keep talking, you are the only two who can pull yourselves through this.

Skyblu xx


----------



## oliver222

UL - Nothing more I can say that not been said already. Just wanted to say sorry.


----------



## Doofuz

Unconditional Love, I am so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine how devastated you just be and hope that everything you do now helps you get what you deserve. Take care of each other x


----------



## Ourturn

Unconditional - huge          to you and dh. I was shocked to read what had happened and agree with all the wonderful advice the ladies on here have given you. 
In your shoes I would see what the SW's say on Monday but I would be ready to go to my MP/papers  if needed. My la have said they will not let you go to panel unless they know its going to be a yes. Re the issues that were raised do you remember how the sw wrote it up in the par? 
Getting through abuse and leading a normal life shows resilience and means dh would have empathy with a traumatised child. And I CAN'T believe you asking for some manners would cause such an issue!    I (in a joking manner) said something about a child (5 or so) double dipping at a party yesterday....think I need to keep my mouth shut until we've been approved! 
Your panel should be ashamed of themselves. Keeping everything crossed for you for tomorrow 
xxx


----------



## farm boy

unconditional love.
i am so sorry to read this news of yours, it sounds as if someone has made a terrible mistake.
i very much hope that you and your husband are up to putting it right.
the very best of good fortune to you both.
**..


----------



## Snalia

Hi all,

I'm just starting the adoption journey, after a few years of research plus saving so that we can buy a bigger property than our current one bedroom flat so that we can have enough space. I've just spent some time reading your stories - you are all so strong and an amazing group of caring people. It's so heartwarming to see    Unconditional - I have my fingers crossed for you....

We have our very first adoption interview on Thursday and one thing I am particularly worried about (read petrified now that I've read some of the stories) is that I have two nieces who I haven't seen for years. One of them had her baby put up for adoption about five years ago. The other one has had six children, a few altercations with the law, and has now had all of her children taken away from her and are now in foster care.  I am concerned about what this will do for our adoption chances. The only thing I can think right now is to be very honest up front.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.....

xxx


----------



## Snalia

Also, being new to the forum, I hope it was ok to reply to this thread xx


----------



## Wyxie

Hi Snalia, good luck with your interview.

As you said, I would just tell them up front what your family situation is.  They will want to know that your nieces' problems are not going to impact on your children.  If you have no contact with them, that will hopefully be easy to demonstrate.  They may view it as positive that you have a good understanding of the situation from which children can come into foster care.  

We have a couple of black sheep in our family, and it was discussed during the assessment, but we'd thought about it before hand and how we could prevent that from impacting on our children.  It was something that was discussed with both of us at panel, but it wasn't a problem.

Good luck with the initial interview, I know how nerve racking it can be, let us know how you get on.


----------



## Belliboo

Unconditional love sorry to hear things didn't go well at panel & I really hope Monday brings you some good news, lol xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Unconditional, I am just so so sorry my love.  How totally devastating, and wrong!  To overrule your SW and agency (the people who know you best in adoption terms) seems very irresponsible.  It makes a mockery of the home study process if a bunch of strangers can overrule a professional who is experienced in adoption and had worked closely with you for months.  I really hope that tomorrow brings some things to light.  I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.  I wish we could do something.  So sorry again.  Massive   and you and DH.  Keep each other close at this time.

Love Lolly xxxxxx


----------



## someday

Unconditional Love I'm so sorry to hear this news. I really hope you can get some answers when you meet with your social worker and manager. xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

LIZARD 39; Thank you for your kind words..I so hope this can be turned around too, i just don't understand..

BECKYBOO; Thank you, i just hope we get to speak face to face on monday to someone or at least some positive words

GWYNETH27; My thoughts exactly i just thought why would it make me a trouble maker i am just trying to do all i can to get answers, not one person has said our panel result is fair, apart from panel of course. It was bad enough being rushed after waiting over 2 hours as security was waiting to lock the building down. I think you may be right in regards to them not wanting bad press,however if this matter isn't reversed i intend to go to the mp and the local newspaper, it makes it worse knowing this has never happened at our la before.

POPPETSMAMMY; Thnk you for your advice, to be honest if panel told us to do yxz we could cope with that lets just hope and pray they give us that chance. I think from what i have researched we would be able to go to another agency if needed however that will be the very last resort because i don't know if i could go through this again having to start from scratch.

SNAPDRAGON; I so hope the decision maker takes into consideration all of our la's decisions to put us forward for approval and their opinions of panel decision being the wrong one. I am aware the decision maker at our la is fairly new and if she hasn't done that job before this will be the very first rejection she has dealt with as this is the first time it's ever happened at our la.

FRANGIPANNI; I so hope something is wrong, i hope panel are wrong!!!

GREENIEBOP; Thank you for your kind words

ANJELISSA; I so hope there is a turnaround here, we have always been told that our agency would no way take us to panel if we were not going to get approved, this has been stressed to us on a number of occasions by our la, and was also mentioned on the friends and family day.

NOODLES1; Your post has really helped me, i have started a list and added your advise to it 

WYXIE; May i ask who is Martin narey?

DREAMSDOCOMETRUE; Thank you x

SKYBLUE; Our sw was never aware this may be an issue, when i spoke to her yesterday she said she had in depth conversations with the team manager and everything was fine, i don't believe they have to reject so many per year or so because my la have nevr had a rejection at panel, we are the first. Sorry to hear you were deferred for a year, wow that is a very long time you must have been through hell and back.

OLIVER222; Thank you x

DOOFUZ; Thank you x

OURTURN; I am well and truly ready to go as far as i need to to get justice for what we have suffered and how we have been so unfairly treated. Like your la ours have always made it clear we will not be taken to panel unless we were going to be approved, i hope they  think twice before ever repeating those words to prospective adopters. I have read our par again and the way our sw worded everything was fine which only makes this harder to understand, she used the word resilient a lot and explained he had no memory of the abuse. I hope they are ashamed of themselves but i doubt it! I just think they wanted to get home and rushed our panel anyway.

FARMBOY; I along with everyone else agrees this is a terrible unfair cruel mistake, however i don't think panel would ever admit to that even if they agreed.

SNALIA; Thank you and all the best for Thursday, sorry you have joined this thread to hear all this sad news of mine.

LOLLY; I really thought the same in regards to panel overruling my sw's and espaecially the team manager, 7 strangers who have never met us v's an 
adoption team plus references from our family and friends and employers, just doesn't seem fair on any level. And as for wishing you could do something, trust me you are doing, your all keeping me sane with your kind words and advice so thank you so much.

SOMEDAY; Thank you x

We are                     xxx


----------



## Sq9

Will be thinking of you tomorrow unconditional - good luck and I really hope you get the answers and solution you deserve


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

along with you sweetie


----------



## skyblu

UL, Yes it was a tough year and as you said if you had to do xyz to get a recommendation then you would and this is what we did.
I wish you all the best tomorrow and hope you get positive answers and a way forward.
You sound like a very strong woman and this will help you through this terrible time.
you take care.
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies, Thank you all so much for your prayers and wise words.

We can appeal but not till we receive the final decision from the decision maker, which is again unfair as she is going off on annual leave next week so it will be weeks when we hear anything even though it is only supposed to be 7 days, and the fact that she will stick to the panels decision is more annoying as we are only waiting to be let down again.

So far my plan is to speak to the manager in the morning get some answers to questions i have for her and see what our options are and to see what her views are also, and what she is proposing to do to sort this mess out if anything at all!! 
I do want to make her aware of my intentions to approach the mp and local paper if the decision maker agrees with panel, but i do feel i may have to go to the mp/papers before my appeal as afterwards it shall be too late to get the decision reversed if the appeal isn't in our favor. 

Does anyone think this sounds unfair? please be honest (i know you will be x) as i don't want to make any mistakes here.

xxx


----------



## skyblu

UL - You do what is best for you and dh and don't worry about the agency. You have been very let down here and this needs to be heard.
Adoption has been having a lot of bad press lately and things still haven't changed.  If you can make a difference for yourselves and get the decision you want, you go all the way.
Wishing you all the best and we are all here for you.
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

I'm so so sorry unconditional, I hope you get answers soon. 

Big hugs xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think you should so whatever helps you get the outcome you deserve which is a big fat yes  Anyone who canhelp with that then great.  It is not unheard of for decision makers to over turn what panels say. Is there anyway to get an audience with the decision maker before he / she decides?  May save you having to appeal x x x


----------



## newmum

Good luck for tomorrow unconditional love. Sounds like you've got a plan in place. Keep positive and stay strong x


----------



## Dame Edna

UL, You must feel as if you have been hit by a bus right now   

I don't 'know' you but have read your situation here and thought I would add my brief thoughts   

I would strongly advise that you ask the Manager tomorrow what is the appropriate and 'official' way to appeal this decision.  It is entirely up to you but if it were me, I would not be mentioning the MP or approaching the papers at this stage.  In my opinion, you need to keep SW's and the agency on your side and do everything by the book regarding this appeal.  Show your SW and Manager that you want to work WITH them to get this decision changed.  Ask if there is anything YOU can do to change this decision, ie. Get councelling, do more voluntary work (just examples).  I know right now you are angry, and rightly so, but try to keep a cool head and show them you will do 'whatever' to get this changed.

If the official chanels of appeal do not work then of course, approach the MP.  

Just my thoughts.  I really hope you have a more positive telephone call tomorrow   

X


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: I agree with Dame Edna. I personally wouldn't mention going to your mp etc tomorrow. There's plenty of time for that. You want them on your side and it could sound like a threat and put their backs up. I can't believe the decision maker is on leave next week. How unlucky. A friend I met through my sw had matching panel on the 19th April and didn't get her decision through until 10th May, the day intros were due to start, as she has been off sick and now she's on annual leave..


----------



## Flash123

ul - you most definately do not sound unfair. Your idea/plan of action sounds controlled and well considered but perhaps hold off the press for the moment. Your are a couple who have had their hearts broken. This is one of, if not the most important thing you will ever do, if you cant be emotive and fight for what you believe in this situation - when can you -  but perhaps you need to cover yourselves and do it the 'official' way? 

Dame Edna's advice sounds good. Work with them at first but document everything that happens, every conversation you have. I would start by writing a formal letter, asking your questions but showing your commitment to do what it takes. I would also ask for a formal written response from your sw/manager outlining what they intend to do. I honestly believe that some ss are not used to people complaining in an intelligent and rational manner. They want you to sit down and take it and let things plod along.

When we had our recent delay with lo I spoke to a family/child protection lawyer. I know it sounds dramatic but I just wanted to know officially where we could go and what we could do. I found their advice invaluable and was able to quote several pieces in my letter. It helped us no end. I also got some independent advice from adoption uk. I spoke to one of their advisors - that was also very good and informative.

I hope tomorrow brings some positive news xx 


You need to do what's right for you. You dont want to look back and feel 'what if...' xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi . UL. I totally agree with Dame Edna. Two things which strike me. One you could easily make enemies by running in threatening action, which could do awful damage and two you could turn the social worker and manger off you completely. I am not detracting from anything that has happened but please be careful. Showing that you can deal with this awful stress could go in your favour. Making enemies could be the worst thing to do. You NEED to put your war paint on and fight this battle in a calm and intellectual unemotional way. I know I know, it sounds impossible but it is the right thing to do. Also show you are willing to do anything to get decision changed. Positive things like someone else suggested. 
Sorry for honesty, but if you go for the papers and mp route it will close ALL doors. I want you to succed so felt it was worth risking the truth.
much much much love to you.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Just another quick thought, ask for the minutes of the panel, it should have most of the discussion laid out so you can go back over what was said and by whom.  You might find it useful.  I'm not sure whether, under FOI you will also be able to ask for the notes of the panel members.  Inspectors in Planning Inquiries can have their notes requested and you have to have a good reason to redact any information from them... Good luck xxx


----------



## newmum

Some great advice on here tonight, what a supportive site x


----------



## Arrows

UL, oh honey..
Huge hugs to you both and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I must echo Dame Edna and as they are already on your side then work with that rather than against using threats. Do it all by the book and then if all else fails then approach MP as you like. My mum is an SW and has had this happen to her where they were all very confident a couple would be fine and the panel deferred/ rejected for the samesort of iissue she and they were all devastated. Thankfully they met the following week and within 2weeks had added in one additional page of information about the issues that were raised and rebooked panel and they were approved less than a month later. I seriously recommend you PMing Skyblu as she's been through the mill too as she aaid and I know what a wonderful support she will be for you.  X


----------



## skyblu

OH, Arrows thank you so much  
UL- I am going to p msg you now. 
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

This advice is just fantastic i am grateful no end

I would like to say yes it does seem like a threat and that is no way my intention so thank you for bringing that to my attention as i didn't realize   

xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Unconditional - just another thought for tomorrow - at the end of your meeting before your SW leaves, verbally summaries what what you have all said, write down all the next steps/process & timescales & get your SW to look at them and agree them - them email them to your SW so you are all very clear what the next steps are. I don't have any experience of this or panel, but from what I understand its all about processes. Hope you and hubby have managed to try to get some rest today  

Sniala - hello and good luck with your journey. Honesty is the best policy is this process xx

Hello everyone else.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

UL    


Been reading all the posts for you honey.. and we're all rooting for you. I agree with Dame Edna and Arrows. Tomorrow is for getting answers in a professional manner. You hold your head up but be precise and clear about what YOU want ...as you've done nothing wrong. It"s nice to be nice (my Dad always said that)


However if you are getting nowhere you know there are other options....   


I pray that you are able to get a resolution quicker than you think      


You've got a plan and you sound strong (even if you don't feel it)   All here for you   


Noodles XX


----------



## Frangipanii

Love...its nice to be nice. Noodles. My DH says that often. And ELE...everyone love everyone although thats off a Will Ferrel film but he does mean it sincerly!
We are all behind you UL, remember that. Think everything through before you do it and remember you have done nothing wrong, you are right to question it all and ask for answers. 
We will be there in spirit. x x x


----------



## dandlebean

A general question for all of you in this thread....

How many home sessions did you have with your SW before you went to panel? We've been given a provisional panel date (about 4 months or so away) and have had 3 home sessions with the SW. 

How many did you have in total before the PAR was completed?


----------



## Doofuz

Dandlebean, my H and I had 7 meetings together. I had 2 individual meetings and he had 1. So 8 and 9 HS meetings. It doesn't feel like that


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

Just an update for you all,
I have spoken to the manager over the phone this morning, due to work commitments she can not see us till tomorrow at 5pm, understandable as she didn't expect to be having to deal with this situation, i have a list of questions for her and she is going to bring out detailed reasons for our rejection although we already know the reasons.

I have also spoken to BAAF this morning who has given me some great advice, the lady i spoke to couldn't believe the time we had to wait for panel being delayed 2 hours, she feels this may have been rushed and if they had a bad day we may have got the brunt of that. I have to let the adoption manager know i have spoken to them and the advice they have given me, i also have to tell the manager that BAAF have advised me of the appeal process through the IRM this will cost the agency thousands of pounds to do. She advised me to send my letter to the decision maker and also gave me a few points to add to it. Over 50% of appeals get overturned from IRM. We can not appeal till we have the paperwork from the decision maker. If after the appeal our la still turn us down we can approach another agency and will have to go through the whole assessment again   

Lastly i have given our sw a ring to update her on what i have done so far, she has also emailed the manager and is waiting for her call.

I am just hoping the manager will back us up with everything and do all she can   for a positive outcome xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Good for you unconditional. You are doing so well and you have a good plan in place. This update does sound a bit more positive so for that I am very glad. It stil his beyond belief you are having to go through all this but your strength and determination will see your dreams realised. Rooting for you 100%   how is hubby

Dandlebean we also had 9 sessions. Good luck

Well I'm full of a cold and hoping to get it shifted by Thursday. Staying away from DF in the meantime. Bleugh!!


----------



## Unconditional-love

Lolly, hubby is very quiet but he's trying to stay strong to fight this through, he said he was a victim of abuse and now he feels like he's the criminal like he's done something wrong. He his blaming himself but i am constantly telling him this is not his fault, it's so sad i have never seen him this hurt. But this is by far the most important thing in our lifes, and at the end of it no matter what happens they can't take us away from eachother!!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Hi UL,
So glad you've had advice from BAAF and that they were so helpful x hope it all gets sorted out for you and you will be able to move on. Stay strong xxx


----------



## oliver222

Unconditional - Glad you are getting some good advise.

Dandlebean - We have had loads of meetings. Our first one was a quick one explaining process then so far we have had 3 solo meetings each and today is our 7th joint and sw still hasnt mentioned panal date or anything. I have also done a lot of stuff that hadn't been asked for as knew would be needed like family trees, pen pictures, ecomap that kind of thing. So I have done all this in advance. Hopefully not too many more appts as dont think I have anything left to talk about lol.


----------



## Wyxie

It sounds like you've had really good advice from BAAF.  I hope you manage to get some answers from the Manager tomorrow, and some idea of timescales.

Martin Narey is the government adviser on adoption.  We were in contact with him when Social Services were refusing to talk to us about our daughter's biological brother.  He was extremely helpful and will be far better informed than your MP, although how much help he could be in this situation I do not know.  He is really a last resort though, it sounds like the plan you have is the best one right now.  As others have said, I would definitely not go to the press, aside from the fact it's very unlikely to help and could alienate the support you have inside Social Services, I imagine it may be very hard on your husband to have his past on display for all to see.

Best wishes,

Wyxie


----------



## Doofuz

Pleased to see you are getting on after your ordeal Unconditional. I hope your determination pays off. Good for you for not sitting back and taking it. Good luck x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad BAAF have been really useful hun  . Sounds like a god plan and lots of great advice from ladies here. Hope tomorrow brings answers and steps forwards x x


----------



## oliver222

Well 1 more homestudy to go next week and finished. Then having a session where sw watches us interact with child. Then meeting with our references. So nearly there, although still no mention of panal date. Going to quiz sw next week about this on our last homestudy appt.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi UL. Pleased that you got some positive news today. Hope u get more answers tomorrow. Thinking of you both.
xxx


----------



## liveinhope

Pleased to hear that you have a positive plan of action UL. Keep us posted; we are all rooting for you


----------



## Dame Edna

Well done UL  

First hurdle over.  It sounds like there is a glimmer of hope.


----------



## Sq9

Have everything crossed for you UL


----------



## Primmer

UL - really hope you get some answers tomorrow


----------



## gettina

Uc  
Good luck for tomorrow. Not that it sounds like it will move on much but hope it goes well. Really pleased to hear the baaf appal stat. Xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Well done UL! You are dealing with it - and the way you and DH feel at the mo. (and I can only imagine)  - WELL DONE!


   Take care, Noodles XX


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thinking of you today Unconditional    Lets hope you get answers and a solid plan in place.  Remember they are all on your side at the agency  

Sorry hubby is so down, I mean of course he is, but it must be so hard to have been abused, for it to come up again down the line and laid bare for all to see and then the issue to impact his future in such a devastating way.  It seems so cruel.  You sound very supportive of one another though.  Keep taking those steps forward hun, it sounds a little brighter and hopefully even more so after your meeting


----------



## daisy0609

Thinking of you today unconditional hope it goes ok xx


----------



## Primmer

Unconditional - I hope today goes well and you can agree a positive plan of action - thinking of you


----------



## Doofuz

Thinking of you today UL. Knock em down, and keep the faith xx


----------



## newmum

Good luck for later unconditional x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good luck UL!!! X


----------



## Beckyboo3

Good luck at your meeting later unconditional x

Beckyboo x


----------



## Anjelissa

Have been thinking of you today U-L, I hope your meeting goes well  
Angie x


----------



## oliver222

Good Luck UL


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sending all our support and strength your way UL x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thinking of you unconditional x


----------



## Flash123

Ul thinking of you both xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Thank you all so so much..

Here's what happened;

The manager came as planned, She had brought out some of the minutes compressed with detail to the reasons for our refusal by panel they were as we already knew however they seemed to think dh had very little support network regarding his family, he has his mum dad and sister so yes it is small but both our family's combined is rather large so i don't see that as a viable reason to be fair, plus we have the support of friends and also after adoption support once matched and as i pointed out the support of you lovely ladies on this forum which has been outstanding. Regarding dh's abuse she said even though he doesn't recall any of it panel still thought that's not to say something wont trigger him to remember in the future even though it hasn't for almost 30 years.

My first question was, is there anything that can be done to turn things around. She has a plan in place already, she has a meeting penciled in with the decision maker for this coming Monday (the decision maker is only off this week). She is going to put everything to the decision maker plus my letter of support plus the support from our sw. She said maybe the decision maker will ask our sw to come out and do a little more work and hopefully give us another shot at panel, she may also see our panel was rushed and want us to have a fair shot at it also. Panel did say that our sw didn't give sufficient evidence in the report to show dh will be able to support a child with an abusive past. It seems there may have been some mix up regarding the family issue which i elaborated on to give the manager a more understanding of it so for that part i am not worried.

All we can do now is wait and see what happens on Monday, the manager will contact us asap after her meeting with the decision maker. We feel a lot more possitive than the past few days, the manager and sw are backing us 100%

xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

That sounds extremely positive to me. In fact it sounds like they are 100% behind you and are ensuring the next actions are put in place to rectify this. My heart is hoping for good news all round when this is all rectified!!! Love to you both. x x


----------



## liveinhope

It sounds positive UL.  Fingers crossed for what comes next

LIH xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Great news UL, sounds like they are doing everything possible to get the right decision for you and DH. What a crappy situation to be in but fingers crossed it will all turn out good in the end and you can look back on the experience as exactly that, just part of the adoption experience.   Good luck and keep us updated   xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Glad you are getting the support you deserve. I have everything crossed that common sense prevails. Stay strong honey, thinking of you both x


----------



## oliver222

Glad it went well UL and sw are supporting you. Fingers crossed everything gets sorted.


----------



## ChickenLegs

That sounds really good, I hope the decision maker is more sensible than the panel


----------



## Primmer

That sounds really positive and it is great that they are backing you 100% - keeping everything crossed for Mondays meeting with decision maker


----------



## Frangipanii

Can I ask does everyone have to have a second opinion interview?


----------



## Unconditional-love

Frangipanni, as far as my la goes everyone gets a second opinion visit, and the sw who does the second opinion visit is generally your family finder xxx


----------



## Sq9

That sounds really positive UL and great to hear you are getting the support you deserve.  Fingers crossed it is sorted out quickly


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Sounds a lot more positive unconditional. Hope the week passes quickly for you and the decision maker recognises the massive error your panel members have made. You are doing really really well  

Hi fran, no we didn't need one as apparently it is not a compulsory part of the process, although many agencies f
do have them as standard. Our agency will only give prospective adaptors a second opinion visit if there are concerns raised by either party. Are you having one?


----------



## Wyxie

That sounds fairly positive UL, pleased that you have some answers.  It sounds like you're holding it together really well in the circumstances.  I really hope you get a good response from the decision maker.

Frangipanii, I thought everyone has a second opinion visit but sounds like that may not be the case - may be worth asking your SW about it.  Our first one was pretty horrific and very long.  The person who did it had all the tact and subtlety of a sledgehammer although she apparently completely supported our application and her report was positive - our SW said afterwards that this was just her way of doing things.  Second one was only a couple of hours but then that whole assessment really covered just about the seven months at that time since Wyxling had been placed.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Interesting, seems like there are differing views on this. I was getting worried as we hadn't had one so asked and this is what SW said. She is a principle social worker so   this is correct info!!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Very different opinions. I just cant ever remember social worker saying anything about one. And it is only just over a month til panle so you would think they would have booked something if so. 
Thanks for advice anyway, be interesting to see what happens.
Lolly...how u feeling....are you able to breathe properly...outfit sounds beautiful I am sure you will look amazing. 
Wyxie. any dates yet for you
Lost a few animals today so off to eat some chocolate to attempt to make me feel better. But happy that things are sounding so much more optimistic for you UL and I really hope everyone else is doing great. also spoke to sw today and although there are a few outstanding pieces it looks like we will get PAR in a couple weeks to read and hopefully no more delays. x. x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Sorry to hear that fran, big   to you hun. Chocolate is definitely deserved on days like these! Glad all sounds to be back on track, I think you would have been told if there was a visit pending so assuming your agency may work like ours. All positive hun.  

I am feeling like I did before my driving test a hundred times over. Goodness knows what I will feel like tomorrow night! Glad I have my outfit sorted though, small issues but help a lot in times of anxiety!


----------



## Wyxie

Frangipanii, I assume that near panel if you haven't been told about it, it isn't happening. 

Sorry to hear about the animals, that must be really hard.  I would struggle to cope with that, I love my little cats far too much.

Yes, we have dates, I'm not really sure why but I'm keeping most of them to myself but we're looking at early - mid June for panel and mid - late June for introductions.  We have had some serious second thoughts over the last few weeks and have sat down and gone through the whole thing again, and decided that yes, on balance we do think it's the best thing to do.  Having done that and finally let myself start looking forward to it a little bit, I'm pretty worried about panel for various reasons - I feel like this is a match we're more likely to get a "no" to than Wyxling's was.  I'm worried that panel will think Bladelet has too many potential long term issues for us to take him on so soon after Wyxling's placement which was and still can be difficult for completely different reasons.  It's a concern we've shared, but we've talked and thought it through as much as we can now and I've spoken to all the professionals involved with Wyxling, and I am as certain as I can be we're making the right decision.

Wyxling is also starting to look forward to it somewhat, and has been asking a lot of questions about what will happen and when we will meet him, which is adding to my worry, as I think we're at the stage where we'll have quite a bit upset if things don't work out.

We have Wyxling's celebration hearing in a couple of weeks and I'm working towards that at the moment.  Hubby needs to build a cot this weekend, and I need to get some shopping done.  We really can't leave everything until after panel this time.  The only big buy we'll be making is a buggy and I'll do that after panel, but the rest needs to be sorted soon.  This weekend, quite possibly!


----------



## Ourturn

Ul well done on holding it together, it's sounding positive. The support family network thing sounds like a excuse,  i only have a sister (3 hours away) and dh's family live in another country. This has not been flagged as an issue, you can't help coming from a small family! 
Keeping everything crossed for Monday xxx


----------



## snapdragon

UL sounds more positive. We have a small support network. My family are 4 hours away and my husbands an hour away. My friend who has been approved by the same panel is a single woman who is new to the area. Her dad lives several hours away and has no local friends apart from those she met through training. If they didn't think your sw  had explored the abuse enough that should be a deferment not a rejection.


----------



## skyblu

UL - I agree with Overturn, the support network sounds like an excuse. I am from a small family and my DH family live between Spain and London and this was never a problem. Also I think your husband dealing with an abused child will only come up if you had put on your form that you would concider adopting a child who had been through abuse!!!! We made it clear when doing this part on HS that we would not concider a child who had been abused, for various reasons. So unless you had said you were willing to take on a child who had been abused, then I can't see what reason they have to reject you on this.

On a plus side I am so very pleased to see you have the full support of your adoption manager and SW and pray that the decision maker will see that your panel was rushed and you were rejected very unfairly.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## newmum

UL.. I am gladly our meeting went well today and sounding positive.

Frangipanii I am not sure about a second opinion. My SW is new to this side of adoption and has had her mentor/manager read our PAR. Sorry to hear of your losses, hope the chocolates helped a little tiny bit.

Wyxie sounds like you and your family have busy times ahead. 

AFU yeahhhhhh we got our PAR tonight!! 7 more sleeps till panel. Starting to worry now its becoming real, as well as excitement is this finally happening??

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Wyxie.. it sounds like you have worked hard to gain clarity on the new lo and have stepped forward. I admire your way of thinking greatly although I am so jealous of all the shopping you are going to be doing!!!! I can totally understand why you are nervous but I am sure that they will see all the facts very clearly. It is obviously the best place for the LO to be. Well I agree with you not sharing dates so my fingers and heart strings are crossed for you when it does happen.
My heart strings and fingers are also crossed for all those with stuff happening...x-lolly-x, UL, Newmum2b. And I am sure there are others. 
Unfortunatley the chocolate didnt help as I just feel sick. But I skipped my dinner so that I didnt have to feek to guilty!! But emotionally well I have livestock and as much as I am new to it and cant help getting attached I have to get used to it. Its life I suppose but it is just a bit gruesome. but hopefukky the 17lbs I havr lost wont change to 16 or less in the morning or I am just going to feel worse!!!.
night night all. Love to everyone where ever you are in the world, which ever step you are on in this journey and especially big love to those having a low bit.  x x x x. x x x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

UL - Good news... this is all positive and going forward again...What can I say? Your SW and Manager are on your side and appealing for you. Sounds reasonable with a bit more assessment, I know   , you're supposed have done that! However, if they need a little more information - well you can and are very willing to  do that   


Really hope you and DH are recovering and feel the meeting has eased your pain and  helped...   


Life is harder for some than others    Take good care of yourselves, Noodles xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Sending big hugs ul hope you get your answers soon. 

Newmum2b omg we have 7 sleeps I'm scared, nervous excited probably everything you feel. 
Ill be thinking if you. 

Hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Ul, that all sounds so positive. Have everything crossed for you.xx

Sorry not many personals tonight, I'm utterly whacked . Nightmare time in work trying to get things sorted for next week when (hopefully) I leave. We've also been our photo album ready for Thursday. Omg it's so hard thinking what to say. Dh was weak because i showered, did my hair and cleaned my teeth before i would let him anywhere near taking my photo...and the till look bl**dy awful ! 
Am getting really scared now.. Only 2 sleeps!

Night night xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Flash know exactly how you feel honey and I've still got a week to go. 

Been doing our photo album too it's such hard work hehe. Sw is coming Thursday and wants to see it so I had to get it done tonight so a trip to Tesco at 8.30 tonight to print the pictures and I've just finished it now. Dh has to do his speaking but he can do that tomorrow. 

Ill be thinking if you Thursday honey everything will be fine and you'll be meeting your lo very soon. 

Hugs xxxx

Ps started sleeping with his Taggie blanket we're sending for him with photo album this week too silly the things we do haha xxxxx


----------



## oliver222

In our la everyone has 2nd opinion meeting. And is with the sw boss. Its in paperwork etc explaining process and we were told at start that would happen after final hs. Our last hs is next week so ours will be soon. Bit nervous about it although dont no why as no issues have cone up during hs that have caused concern.


----------



## Frangipanii

Flash and Emma thinking of you both...not long to go. Cant wait for the good news!!!


----------



## Flash123

Thank you chickadees,

Lolly, am I wrong thinking you have panel today? If yes please ignore me and the bestest luck to the lovely lady that has  if I'm not good luck chick xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi flash, no, playing snapsies with you tomorrow!!! How are you feeling hun? You will be just fine sweetie xxx


----------



## Doofuz

NM2B - so pleased to hear you finally have your par! Weird reading it when you know someone else is going to read all things mentioned in the meetings.

Frangipani - We had a 2nd opinion meeting and it was all policy. Nothing to worry about, and it was used to summarise our meetings by the agency manager in the par. 

Wyxie - I hope all goes well with panel for Bladelet  x

Emmma and Flash - Good luck to you both too  x


----------



## Doofuz

Has anyone else met with an adoptive parent prior to approval panel? We meet with someone at the weekend who has adopted in similar circumstances to us, got 2 dogs, has adopted separately which we envisage doing if all goes well the first time. I think it's a great thing for our agency to have sorted out for us, although I am a bit nervous as I always am before meeting new people. I think we could learn a lot from them, exciting  Panel a week today, the nightmares are very vivid!


----------



## GERTIE179

Doofuz - our agency offered this too but ended up not being arranged (I think because we we had met adopters through other means). I think it's great that agencies do this.
X


----------



## ChickenLegs

I met with an adoptive parent last week, unfortunately she's finding it hard to cope with being a new mum at the moment    I don't think it's anything unexpected though, so hopefully she'll look back on this time as tough, but a useful experience.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

UL, fingers crossed you can get things back on an even keel.  

Re second opinion visits, we never had one, I'd never heard of them until someone here mentioned it.  I think that was on the other thread but thought I would answer it here.

We met an adopter on our Prep course but haven't been offered the opportunity to do so again, however, we have a lovely couple in the village who adopted over 10 years ago and are now part of our lovely support network, we can call on them any time and just say 'is this normal?'  lol

AFU:  Matching Meeting is happening today and I think we'll find out later what date Panel will be.  We've decided to start buying furniture regardless, in case intros happen quickly after Panel, but we're going to get mainly generic stuff that would be useful whatever the outcome...    Also, as per the other thread on contraception, I am now on the Progesterone only pill...    I'm hoping it will improve my periods!!  

Good luck everyone. xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fingers crossed auntie Katie, let us know when you hear. Xxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hope all goes well for meeting Auntie Kate. and thanks for infor re.second opinion x x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Phew!Lots happening on here at the moment. Hi to everyone!

NM2B  - yay! You are another step forward!

Frangipani - Fingers crossed, I am sure it will be fine 

Wyxie - fx for a smooth panel meeting for little one.

UL - keeping fx for you that it will all get sorted out and you will be back on track. I am hoping its only a temporary set back. Routing for you honey 

Emma, Flash, Auntie Katie, Doofuz, Lolly and anyone else with a big milestone coming up good luck over the coming weeks 

Well we had our initial visit today and she thoroughly grilled DH and I. DH found it difficult to talk and find words. Nerves and also he is not a wordy person if that makes sense. She looked around. Asked the standard questions that I have heard others mention regarding initial visits on the thread. She was here about an hour and a half in all. I could not get any indication from her of how it went. They never give too much away. All she said was we would hear from her in writing in two weeks once the report has been submitted and the next prep course available is in September. So now feel in limbo. Also LA are still operating on old timescales.

We have a holiday booked in August so at least we can pay for that and get that over and done with before course I suppose. 

Feel numb and not excited   Was anyone else left feeling like that?

Did anyone else get told they would wait and then hear before that? 

I need someone to give me a cyber slap and cheer me up lol.

xxx


----------



## Doofuz

Brummiemill - we had to wait a few days for a decision on whether to take us on, and then a few more days wait for an application form. I know what you mean about feeling a bit flat afterwards. Its almost always all good as long as you have no huge issues beforehand that sw doesn't think can be worked with. Hope your wait is a short one


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Doofuz  . I think being with an LA is going to be a loooooonnnnggg wait! Especially by the length of timescales she mentioned. I hope it is. I think I will have doolalyness similar to that of the TTC TWW coming on by half term!


----------



## Doofuz

That's what I compared waiting for panel with these past few days, I've had nightmares, sleepless nights and not wanting to be by myself- the 2WW! When we look back though, it has gone quick. Do some reading on attachment so when they tell you they want you, you're already preparing  Hopefully it will help pass the time and you'll be halfway to being a guru too


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey Doofuz   that's a good idea reference the attachment disorder. I am booked on a course on it soon for work which is handy but I have a book here given to me by a friend so I think I will get it out. Good luck with panel  not long now


----------



## newmum

Brummie.. We can't remember having to wait for the LA to say yes or no they would take us on, we had an initial telephone interview, then SW visit then prep course followed by HS. All events seemed to follow on from each other. I think I've felt numb throughout a lot of the process as well as excitement. Enjoy your holiday and come back all refreshed for your prep course. We had our prep in Sept and panel May so this time next year that could be you!  

Doofuz no we didn't meet any adoptive parents but was offered but DH was working. We have experience of adoption in our family so do have some insight and support. I see your panel is a week today, is that approval or matching? Sorry get mixed up! Good luck

Aunty Kate hope your matching meeting went well and I look forward to reading all about it

Emma, Flash not long now.. Exciting times ahead

Unconditional hi how are you and DH feeling now its been a few days?

Sorry if I've missed anyone 

Nm2b x


----------



## Doofuz

NM2B - its approval panel, I can only imagine what its like to be at matching! We have close friends who are adopted but not initially knowing this person will hopefully give us a bit of an insight into what we see our situation being like in a few years. A week today, clothes already out and haircut booked for Saturday  When is yours, not much difference between us?


----------



## Jacks girl

newmum2b said:


> Brummie.. We can't remember having to wait for the LA to say yes or no they would take us on, we had an initial telephone interview, then SW visit then prep course followed by HS. All events seemed to follow on from each other. I think I've felt numb throughout a lot of the process as well as excitement. Enjoy your holiday and come back all refreshed for your prep course. We had our prep in Sept and panel May so this time next year that could be you!
> 
> Doofuz no we didn't meet any adoptive parents but was offered but DH was working. We have experience of adoption in our family so do have some insight and support. I see your panel is a week today, is that approval or matching? Sorry get mixed up! Good luck
> 
> Aunty Kate hope your matching meeting went well and I look forward to reading all about it
> 
> Emma, Flash not long now.. Exciting times ahead
> 
> Unconditional hi how are you and DH feeling now its been a few days?
> 
> Sorry if I've missed anyone
> 
> Nm2b x


Nm2b thanks for the positive vibes  I hope so  x


----------



## newmum

You're welcome Brummie

Doofuz aww snap approval panel. Loads of luck to you and DH. Good idea about the hairdressers think I may just book a sneaky trim myself! Got clothes sort of ready! You sound organsed 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh my god, you mean I need a haircut too?!!!


----------



## newmum

.         lolly x


----------



## oliver222

Brummie - My husband is the exact same. When I read out your post about being wordy to him, he said that's me. We have our last homestudy next week so he got there. He has found it hard in parts as not great at expressing himself but got through it. He found it hard in solo visits when talking about idenity and culture but he got there in end. Remember when you have same sw coming out every week it gets easier as you get to know them.
With regards to waiting for decision, in our la you have your prep group and then initial visit and at end of visit they give you application form there and then if they are happy to move forward


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Oliver222 - thanks for your reply too 

Hubbie clammed up a few times and that made him panic after that he didn't say enough or that what he said wasn't going to be enough so its good to hear your DH felt the same too.

Our LA is cutting out info evening and just going straight from home visit then prep. But we are last people to go through old system.

I should have asked her if it would be her all the time but I forgot to.

This is why I love this thread am starting to feel human this afternoon and less like an analytical zombie thanks to everyone's advice  x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

UL glad they are being so supportive and I really hope the DM brings some rationality to the situation sending lots of  . x x x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Still no word from SW despite her telling us she'd have some news about panel later today...


----------



## Unconditional-love

lolly thank you we hope so too x

wyxie thank you i am trying my best to hold it together i just have to keep focused.

frangipanni So sorry for your loss. Not long till you get your par!!

ourturn thank you, i agree regarding the family support network, maybe they didn't want to focus just on the abuse
skyblu we 100% told the sw we wouldn't consider a child who had been s abused i remember going through the list with her, they said at panel that it would be impossible as sometimes they just do not know this information?

newmum2b thank you, w are feeling more possitive but keeping our feet firmly on the ground, still not over the shock.

noodles thank you, we do feel very lucky to have the support of the sw and manager, a little more assessment shall go a long long way if it means we get approved.

emma1605 thank you, excited for you!!

flash thank you, not long now, your news is a joy to hear after the past 5 days we have had

auntie katie thank you, we are praying for good news. your news too is exiting and great to hear, ring your sw re panel   for you

brumiemill thank you, i'm sure you will be fine, it's very exciting and the process isn't so bad, i actually enjoyed the assessment. Holiday sounds great i think we will be jetting off soon either way we need it.

doofuz I soooo hope you get a big fat yes at approval panel..

gwyneth thank you, i hope DM changes our life for the better!! xx

Love to you all xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Fx AuntieKatie for news asap


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Brummiemill - sounds good honey! - stick in - our SW was very reserved in her judgement throughout and it was very nerve racking. I'm sure you will be fine. 


UL - You are a wee Star and coping so well - keep on fighting!!


Sorry no more mentions --- I (we) are a little nervous tonight. We are going to MP tomorrow!! (I am absolutely terrified we don't pass.) So is my lovely DH...we've come so far - but so frightened we're not given the stamp of approval for our absolutely beautiful LO. We've met foster carers who were absolutely lovely and heard all about him. Can't believe that my big dream after all this time is actually maybe going to come true!   BIG day tomorrow. Wish US luck Girls!     


Noodles XX


----------



## Sq9

Brummiehill - we had to wait about a week I think to find out if we were going to be offered a place on the prep course after initial meeting.  Sounds like everywhere does things slightly differently in terms of the order things are done and what has to be done - we were told we had to go to info evening before we could go onto the prep course and it was at the info evening the week after the initial meeting that we were told we were approved to go onto prep.

Good luck to everyone with panel tomorrow - have everything crossed for you  

Take care everyone  

S xx


----------



## newmum

Wishing you oddles of luck noodles   x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Noodles & Flash - Best of luck at MP   Lolly - Best of luck at Approval Panel   I'm sure it will all be fine   xx


----------



## Flash123

Hey noodles, snap! We too are at mp tomorrow. I am pooping myself.

Good luck noodles and lolly xxx


----------



## Primmer

Good luck to Noodles and Flash


----------



## Frangipanii

a quick nip on to say goodluck to FLASH, NOODLES AND LOLLY for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you!!! fingers and heart strings crossed!!!! x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Three different panels in one day, gotta an some kind of record?!!   good luck girls, you will be great and they will love you! Try and get some sleep, although I'm a fine one to talk cos not sure I will!!! These butterflies feel like they are about to burst out my tummy


----------



## skyblu

Good luck tomorrow ladies. I am sure you will all be fine and will be here tomorrow full of joy. 

Noodles I am sure you will be fine. I can't see them turning you down when you have already met the foster family, we didn't get to meet our lo's foster family until after the matching panel.

UL - hope you both are feeling a little better now and all the best with the DM. We are all rooting for you. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thinking of you tomorrow lolly, flash and noodles 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## liveinhope

Good luck to the ladies at panel tomorrow.  Let us know how it goes


----------



## Dreams do come true

Ul - sounds really positive, fingers crossed, I hope everything works out, I have everything crossed for you x x

Noodles, Lolly and Flash - good luck hun, tomorrow your dreams will come true    

Emma, nm2b, fran, doofuz - eeeeeek not long to go!!!

Brummiemill - sorry that out you through the mill, hang in there it will be so worth it x My dh was quiet until we got in to the hs, I am known as the wife that talks so much poor dh doesnt get a word in edgeways as a result! Lol

AuntieK - I hope you get your panel date soon x

Afu, I have been lurking...and starting posts then I run out of time and dont finish them! Our gorgeous children have settled in soooo well, and we are head over heels in love. They have been tucked up in bed since 7.30...and usually they sleep through until 7.30/8 the next morning.

For what I am going to write next please dont thing I am having doubts/regrets because I wouldnt change things for the world. Its bl**dy hard work lol, our life is unrecognisable now (for the better). I dont have time for tv, rarely time for this site lol, no long soaks in the bath any more, every day seems to merge in to one, I think one child at a time is definitely easier than two, perhaps I was a little naive thinking one wouldnt be much different to two, when one cries the other starts, the number of nappies I change is unreal,the amount of washing and ironing is immense.....But I love it, and it is the most amazing feeling EVER when I walk in to my little boys room in the morning he stands in his cot, laughs, screams and claps with excitement and gives mummy or daddy a cuddle, then we walk in to get his baby sister and she gets equally excited...we have a lovely morning play then have porridge together, it is wonderful.

The love I feel for them is like no other, I couldnt imagjne not having them in our life now.

I find myself staribg at them, eyes filling up thinking youre really mine. When we were on prep andi was reading about links and panels I used to think it'd be ages before that was me...and here I am less than one year ago we were starting prep, our children have been home nearly 2 weeks...so to anyone thinking the same as I used to...its not that far wway, this will be you soon.

(As I write this I am welling up with happy tears, both for the happiness I am feeling and the happiness you are soon to feel)

Anyway, more about our children. Since they have been home we haved started our baby on solids, shes doing really well. She has another tooth coming through, has learnt to sit, started to crawl yesterday, and is saying mam mam mam mam mam mam all the time. Our little boy says daddy...and has started saying mummy now his siter has, he cuddles me a lot, can be comforted by me, loves tl sing, is up to g in the alphabet, has lesrnt to blow bubbles, climb stairs (with mummy or daddy), has learnt to walk and eat like a cat...whilst meowing lol, he is confident with new textures...he will now crawl on the grass and sand.

We have had fun whilst daddy is still of work, we have been to the seaside...they loved it, the zoo....they loved it, swimming...guess what...they loved it, all firsts for them.

I never ever ever thought this would happen for us, but it has, it willmhappen for you all to, sometimes the roads we take might be bumpier or longer than others, but stick with it and you will reach your destination, we have.

Love and luck to you all, from a very happy mummy x x x

EXCUSE TYPOS...Tooooo tired to correct


----------



## crazyspaniel

The best of luck tomorrow Noodles, Flash and Lolly xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Just a quick post to wish FLASH, NOODLES AND LOLLY all the luck for tomorrow. (Not that you will need it:-D)
X


----------



## Primmer

Good luck for tomorrow lolly 

DDCT - thanks for the lovely update, so pleased your Lo's are bringing you happiness x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Best of luck tomorrow Noodles, Flash and Lolly, i have a long day at work tomorrow till 8pm, when i arrive home i want to see and i will see, 3 amazing yes's to your panels...

Wishing you all lots of luck and love          x x x

 
​


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ddct, amazing update thank you so much, I'm crying now hehe happy tears I'm so happy for you xxxxxx


----------



## Wyxie

Good luck for tomorrow Noodles, Flash and Lolly, will be thinking of you guys.

DDCT, so glad to hear things are going well.  It really does sound like you've got everything off to a wonderful start. 

I am dreading the washing for two kids thing.  I've already decided to scrap ironing, I only ever iron Wyxling's stuff anyway, mine is generally carefully picked to not need it and I'm certainly not ironing my husband's clothes, he never did when I worked.  Crinkly is fashionable or something.  Also the nappy changing.  I was hoping to potty train Wyxling before the next one arrived.  Wyxling had other ideas.  She demonstrated a formidable amount of stubborn in the short time I tried.  Also fantastic bladder control, sadly, not with the end results I had hoped for.


----------



## newmum

DDCT   happy tears reading your post x thanks for sharing 

Good luck lovely ladies for tomorrow x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks ladies, you are all wonderful!!!   Unconditional, your support means so much given all going on within your world at the moment. What a lovely person you are  

Dreams, what a beautiful post, you sound just so happy. Lovely family image  

Wide awake, oh well, might watch 24 hours in A&E and freak myself out even more!!


----------



## Flash123

Thanks chickadees, you are all stars. I am retiring with a bottle of covonia night time in the vain hope it will knock me out and get me through the night.

Lolls I love a&e 24, it's my ironing program, that and one born. I'll think of you as I watch tonight. Gonna give myself a treat and watch it in bed - oooo the high life lol xxxx


----------



## Doofuz

Good luck tomorrow to flash, lolly and noodles  x

DDCT - I loved your update, so did my H  Keep them coming x

UL - It all sounds so much more positive and I love that you are fighting for it. All the best and note for you and your H  x


----------



## Jacks girl

Noodles, Flash and Lolly fx for a successful day tomorrow         DDCT awwwwww loved your post. Life sounds busy, full on but worth every lush moment! Keep up the good work hun  

Noodles, Sq9, DDCT thanks for your words of wisdom  . I feel much more reassurred now than I did earlier when I just felt flat. I think that social worker thought I was the woman who talked too much. Had a nice meal out with my Grandmother this evening while hubster was at work so I feel much better. Think the bread and butter pudding with the apricot sauce and clotted cream was just the remedy after having to pour out our hearts . 

UL you deserve some good luck so sending you some     and  and a  and a   that it all comes good very soon xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good look for today lolly, flash and noodles thinking of you all xxxxx


----------



## beachgirl

Good luck for panel today...it's  our wedding anniversary, would never have dreamt that we'd have our family finally


----------



## Frangipanii

Just to say so excited for our lovelies going to panel today...thinking of you all. 
Dreams, please keep regulary updates coming it makes it real. So pleased for you.
Beachgirl- happy anniversary hope you have a lovely day. x 
Morning to everyone else, hope u are all feeling positive in your journeys today! Including you UL who I have faith that it will all come good. x x x


----------



## Lizard39

Wow...didn't get on yesterday & about 4-5 pages to read up on! 

Just to say good luck  Noodles, Flash and Lolly, will be thinking of you today & looking forward to your posts later  

DDCT, so glad to hear things are going well.  I love reading intro posts & it does sound like your LO's are really settling well

Hi to everyone else


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Good luck to Flash, Noodles and Lolly, you will all be amazing! DDCT, I loved that, even more today than usual as we had a call last night at 9pm (!) from our SW... 

She was so excited but hadn't been able to call before she left the office.

Matching Meeting said an unreserved YES!  They think we are a brilliant match!  And OMG, Matching Panel is June 6th!!!  Then the DM will make the final decision by June 13th...  then we can have a planning meeting around w/c June 17th which means Bluebird could be home with us by the beginning or middle of July!

We are really excited, nervous, scared, buzzing and have so much to do!  The bedroom isn't stripped and plastered, let alone decorated, we need bedroom furniture, a car seat and a buggy and once we have spoken to the lovely FC we need toiletries. Also, have to make a DVD for him, of us reading stories, us with the dogs and a tour of the house...  And also, he's not scared of dogs   he's healthy, no allergies but someone is going to put a blanket on the floor for her dog to sit on then give it to him to cuddle, just to be sure, although I'm not sure what that would mean now as I've moved him into my heart already.

I posted last night from my phone but it went missing, so if anyone finds a random post from me, that could be why! 

DDCT, how true!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo fab news auntie Katie so happy for you xxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Amazing AuntieKate. Are you going to change you name to MummyKate?? Well whrn Bluebird comes home of course!!! Wonderful news...many congratulations x x. xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Just lurking and then noticed your post AuntieKatie - humungous congratulations you must be on  !!!!!!! What a huge  . Logged on PC feeling complacent and now feel really happy to see another success   You will get it all done in time and have huge fun and fond memories sorting it out!

Off to do some work now and hoping to see some more positive news on here later.

Hi to everyone! x


----------



## Primmer

That is great news Auntie Kate - you must be so excited! Your lo will be with you soon! Sure you will get the room and everything sorted in time. So pleased for you.


----------



## Flash123

Woooohooooo auntie Kate, As our sw said to us "time to get excited!" . Fantastic news xxxx


----------



## Lizard39

Wooohoooo   Auntie Katie - you must be so giddy! As Flash said 'now is the time to get excited'. Start making you list, doing the decorating & buying all those things you have longed to buy as soon your live will be turned upside down for all the right reasons


----------



## crazyspaniel

Lovely news AuntieKatie, soooo pleased for you xxxx
Happy shopping


----------



## Beckyboo3

Brilliant news Auntie Katie , you must be so excited and time is going to go so quick now ! 

Beckyboo x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulations Auntie (Mummy!) Katie, fab news  

AFU..... YES!!!!! Unanimous yes from the 10 strong panel    So happy!  Whole thing was done in 20 minutes, and when SW came to tell us I burst into tears    Such a happy day!  Now, time for cocktails  

Hope Flash and Noodles will be on to share their good news soon too


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Great news Lolly and Auntiekatie 🎉🎈😃 Congratulations 🎉🎈😃 Enjoy your celebrations  

Poppets poorly so I've been nursing a snotty grumpy head strong 2yr old all week who seems to think a cold = lets be naughty and defiant   Oh it's a fun and games in our house at the minute. She's asleep at the min so enjoying some peace and quiet with a cuppa, cookie and CSI. Wow I know how to party


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations X-Lolly-X so pleased for you ! News like that gets me excited and I think gosh that could be us soon !!

Enjoy celebrating and your cocktails !!

Beckyboo x


----------



## Wyxie

Congratulations Lolly, wonderful wonderful news.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Whoop Lolly!!!  Lovely news!  I'm really hoping for good news across the board today...


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo so happy for you lolly xxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Congratulations Lolly !!!!!!


----------



## Jacks girl

Mahooosive congratulations Lolly  xx


----------



## Lizard39

Fab news Lolly   over the moon for you. Enjoy your cocktails


----------



## wanabmum

Good luck Susan got everything crossed for you both.x


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Lolly!


----------



## newmum

Congratulations Lolly Ab Fab news you and DH must be so happy and relieved enjoy your cocktails and celebrations 

Aunty Katie soon to be Mummy Katie amazing news for you as well, time will fly by

Anyway better get back to work just had to have a sneaky look on here first! Brightens up my working day lol


Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Lolly ... well done - Enjoy!! 

Passed MP and we are so chuffed!! They are unsure when intros will start as there is a children's panel next...is this normal? If LO biological mum disagrees then this could set things back months and months.... Apparently we WILL get LO in the end but they are uncertain of time scales.... Feeling chuffed tonight but really worried the chn's panel will set us way back. DH also very concerned. Has anyone else had this? PM me if you can - any advice very welcome.   


Thanks Noodles x


----------



## Flash123

Lolly....fab news. You enjoy those cocktail chickadee . Wooooohooooo xxxxx here's hoping for a quick match xxx

Noodles...congratulations lovely. You've done the hard bit, lo's yours but you must feel so frustrated.  I've never heard of a children's panel But I hope it gets sorted soon and your lo is in your arms where they belong xxxxxxx

We also had a yes. It was really daunting though. There were about 20 people on the panel and because im a special needs teacher who specialises in attachment and nurturing, they gave me a real grilling as to why I didnt want a child with special needs. I was a bit peeved to be honest but it all ended well in the end.
We meet lo 2 weeks today. The Count down Has officially begun xxx


----------



## oliver222

Lots of fantastic news on here today.

Huge congrats to Lolly, Noodles and Flash. And Auntie Katie congrats as well, cant wait till I get to the panic shopping stage.


----------



## Anjelissa

Just time for a quick one to say a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Flash, noodles, Lolly and Auntie Katie!  
       
I hope I haven't forgotten anyone! There's been so much wonderful news on here over the past few days!  
  
Anj x

Ps.............We now have a panel date booked   
For various reasons I'm not saying what date it is on here but it's in June


----------



## Dreams do come true

Lolly - wahoo  congratulations!!! Here's hoping you get an uber quick match x

Noodles - wahoo  congratulations!!! Never heard of the children's panel, I am sure its nothing to worry about, I hope they pull their socks up and get your LO home with mummy and daddy where they belong!!! You got a yes at matching panel...time to party  in the meantime push and push the children's agency!!!

Flash - wahoo  congratulations!!! Time to party!!!!!

AuntieK - glad matching meeting went well and you have got a date for panel, not long to go!!!! 

Anj - congrats on getting a date! Is it approval or matching panel? X


----------



## liveinhope

Great to hear all the news on here.  Congratulations to those at panel today and well done Anj on the secret panel date!  Look forward to hearing when its all done and you can celebrate!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I'm so chuffed for you ladies!! Noodles, never heard of Children's panel either, do you think it's regional? Flash, whoop!    Anj, great news! 

AFU, we had another call... OMG!  We have a date for first meeting!!!  We have our planning meeting on 27th June and that afternoon we will meet Bluebird for the first time... I don't have a smilie for that!! lol The Intros plan will be sent to us ahead of time and we'll meet on the 27th to finalise, then that afternoon will be our first hour with our son and Intros will start from then...!!!    Our SW has told us to go ahead and start buying, she thinks the match is so strong, and the adoption order is already granted with no hope of birth parents challenging at any point, she can't see a reason for things no to go swimmingly...  

I love shopping, of any kind!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations noodles and flash so happy for you both. 

Noodles hope you don't have to wait too long. 
Big hugs xxxxx


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## Primmer

Congrats to lolly, flash and noodles  

Anj - how exciting to have a date for panel

Auntie KAteb- it's all happening, not long now


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## Arrows

Wow, fast moving -6 pages in since yesterday afternoon!

Huge congratulations to Noodles, Flash, Lolly and Katie!

DDCT, I'm so pleased for you and totally agree about the hard work! I have just one question -What is ironing??! I'm sure I knew once but it now evades me!

Ladies, a word of advice when you eventually pick a nursery -trust your gut. After 5wks of lots of issues and him hating nursery I've now pulled my DS out and sent a long email with a list of issues I've been unhappy with. Thankfully the manager has been very understanding and agreed not to make me pay the full 4wks notice. I knew the 2nd week it wasn't right and persevered after many people told me I wasn't giving it enough of a chance - I wish I'd pushed more to put in place what I wanted at the beginning and not put him through this. He'll now be going to a wonderful friend instead, who has agree to have him twice a week till term ends. 

Yes, a lot of issues adopted children face are exactly the same as all children. They are all as stroppy, clingy, challenging etc as each other. All children face separation anxiety when they first have to leave mum and go to nursery/ childminder but we, with adopted children, have an added dimension. I wish that I'd taken the full adoption leave off work for his sake. I went back because he 'seemed' fine with others and I felt I needed to be appreciated for me and my mind, not just being a mummy (wonderful as that is). I now wish I'd taken up a hobby or online course to challenge me instead.

It is such hard work, as DDCT said, and so life-altering when you bring your child/ren home but it continues to be hard work as they constantly grow and change. Some nights I go to bed at 8.30pm cause I'm so tired!

That being said -I would not change having my beautiful DS for the world.  Today my friend came to work with him and it was so wonderful to see him, cuddle him and smell him. Oh, how I wanted to just leave and go home with him!!


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Arrows, it's wonderful to hear what you just said, that despite the difficulties, challenged and changes you just want to hold and smell your DS and be at home with him... I think this is what we are all yearning for.


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## Anjelissa

Dreams do come true said:


> Anj - congrats on getting a date! Is it approval or matching panel? X


Thanks Ddct  ,
It's approval panel  
Anj x


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## nicola jane

congratulations to you all..i am new on here.. up for mp on 3rd june and am absolutely terrified incase they say no xx


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## Belliboo

Congratulations to everyone who has been to panel today it's been a busy day for panels hasn't it xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Welcome Nicola Jane, I know exactly how your feeling we have mp on Tuesday and I'm so scared. 

Good luck honey you will be fine  xxxxx


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Hi Nicola Jane, welcome to the forum   Good luck with MP, fingers crossed everything will go smoothly, tell us more, what colour (pink or blue.. ) age etc?  How have you found things, getting to this point? x


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## Wyxie

Welcome Nicola Jane.  I'm also due back at matching panel in early June for our second child - our daughter's biological sibling.

We first went to matching panel last year for our daughter and I was terrified of getting a no.  Everyone says that your child is coming, but when you've thought that before and something's always gone wrong it's hard to lose the thought that this won't work out too.  I don't think you can get to that stage without investing a huge amount emotionally in what you start to think about as your child, and the thought of someone saying no, for some reason no-one's thought of, is hard to shake. 

In reality, as I'm sure you know, almost all matches are approved.  I hope everything goes smoothly and you have your child(ren) home soon.


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## Ourturn

Lolly Flash and Noodles Congratulations!             


So much good news its hard to keep up! 


Flash I totally get why you don't want a child with special needs...it would be like work (as in your career). Part of my job involves working with Young People with special needs and lovely as they are, DH and I couldn't cope. Surely its about being honest, that's what prevents disruptions surely you need to be realistic? 


Not much news from us. Prep over and more waiting (4 weeks) to be assigned a social worker. We had our info evening in November, they are sooooo slow!


x


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## Jacks girl

Congrats noodles, flash and again aunti Katie and lolly xx


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## Poppets Mammy

Wow there's so much good news on here at the minute, lots and lots happening, it's great to read 😃

Huge Congratulations to Flash and Noodles today as well 🎉🎈 Celebrations all round

Welcome Nicola Jane and best of luck for MP  

Xx


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## bluedreams

Congrats noodles, flash and lolly


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## Sq9

. 
Wow, what amazing news today. Massive congrats to noddles, flash, Katie and lolly - you must be on  . Ddct - amazing updates.
UL - thinking of you and hope things move forward for you next week  
 to everyone xx


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## nicola jane

Ourturn said:


> Lolly Flash and Noodles Congratulations!
> 
> So much good news its hard to keep up!
> 
> Flash I totally get why you don't want a child with special needs...it would be like work (as in your career). Part of my job involves working with Young People with special needs and lovely as they are, DH and I couldn't cope. Surely its about being honest, that's what prevents disruptions surely you need to be realistic?
> 
> Not much news from us. Prep over and more waiting (4 weeks) to be assigned a social worker. We had our info evening in November, they are sooooo slow!
> 
> x


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## nicola jane

were approved jan and linked feb..LG 17mnths and LB 6 mnths..this has been the best experience of our lives since ttc 20yrs xx


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## Frangipanii

Evening ladies. 
I am sorry to dampen the mood but we have just lost a twenty chickens to a fox and I dont know how to cope without showing my hubby how devastated I am. He has a massive day tomorrow and I need him to focus. We hVe just spent two hours collecting dead chickens. I cant do it anymore and may have to give them all away. I loved them. sorry had to share.
Congratulations to yhose been through panel. Welcome Nicola Jane and good luvk.x x x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

nicola jane said:


> were approved jan and linked feb..LG 17mnths and LB 6 mnths..this has been the best experience of our lives since ttc 20yrs xx


That's lovely! I'm already sobbing from watching Paul O'Grady For the Love of Dogs, so I'll have another wee weep tat you are (FX) having a lovely outcome to your journey xx

Frangi, oh my goodness! Have a good cry with hubby, tell him you know he needs to be focussed but you just need an hour to get it out of your system and have a good cuddle, then you can support him into tomorrow. xxx


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## skyblu

Frangipanii, I am so sorry you lost your chickens 

Congratulations, Lolly, FLash, Noodles ancient Auntie Kate or should that b mummy Kate  Well done all of you.

Welcome Nicola.

Skyblu.xxx


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## nicola jane

aw love that... our dog is 17 now but his time is up we got a feeling he been waiting til now to say goodbye but he waited til we have a future..we so excited  but i think mostly scared cos we love them already just hearing about them and seeing their fotos..just not enjoying the weird dreams lol xxx


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## Sq9

Fran x


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## Dreams do come true

frangipanii said:


> Evening ladies.
> I am sorry to dampen the mood but we have just lost a twenty chickens to a fox and I dont know how to cope without showing my hubby how devastated I am. He has a massive day tomorrow and I need him to focus. We hVe just spent two hours collecting dead chickens. I cant do it anymore and may have to give them all away. I loved them. sorry had to share.
> Congratulations to yhose been through panel. Welcome Nicola Jane and good luvk.x x x


Hugs Fran...thinking of you xx


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## Dreams do come true

...whoops just looked at the clock...ironing and cleaning didnt get done....sat building toys and searching for a holiday.

We keep getting gifts which is lovely...but we now have toys comung out of our ears lol!!!

Going to get a sign....no more toys buy mummy a spa day or monsoon vouchers instead


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## Unconditional-love

Auntiekatie, congrats that’s amazing news your day is getting better and better   
Lolly, I am over the moon for you, for now I can only imagine the feeling you have, this has made me smile   your going to be a mummy   

Noodles congrats we are so happy for you   


Welcome Nicola   


frangipanni   


xxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulations Flash and Noodles   Wonder if you have been on the cocktails like me?!!!   

Noodles,   no delays for you.  I hope all recognise your home is best place for LO and bubba is with mummy and daddy soon  

Flash, I think it is unfair to assume that as you work with children with SEN that you would want to parent a child with complex needs by choice.  i had this conversations with SW but she felt that I was able to make an informed decision because of my work.  I understand the needs behind these issues and while admire the parents so much and would of course deal with issues as they come up, I would not choose this lifestyle if given a choice.  I have provided respite care before and after the 6 hours a weekend I used to do I was drained and know  couldn't do that 24/7.  Our SW said sometimes she is more concerned when people say yes as it may not demonstrate a full understanding of the situation.  Either way, you got a yes so woooooohoooooo!!!!

Arrows, I really admire you for following your gut instinct and that LO is very happy with your friend.  Hopefully then you can relax a little more at work.  Lovely he came to visit you, your love for your son is beautiful.

Frangi, oh my goodness I am just so sorry.  That is a massive shock to the system and a grief that must hurt.  Take your time tonight, tomorrow is another day and you can support hubby then, but for now have a good cry.  I'm sure he will understand as that is a large and unexpected loss.  Thinking of you my lovely  

Thanks EVERYONE for the lovely well wishes.  We have had a lovely day starting with our big yes!  Me and DF went for cocktails and were later joined by DFs family for hugs, tears and a lovely meal.  then came home and had a three way chat skype with my mum, dad and brother.  We have received some amazing messages of support from friends today and their happiness for us makes me realise what wonderful support we have.  We are very lucky.

Love to you all.  Cuppa and bed for me


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## Doofuz

Evening 

Lots and lots of good news on here today! Well done to lolly, AuntieKate, noodles, flash and everyone else who had fantastic news.

Frangi, so sorry to hear about your chickens, how awful for you. Take care, look after yourself and H  x

Arrows, well done to you for feeling the instinct and doing what you felt was right. 

Those I have missed, so sorry but my eyes are half closed as not slept at all much last night, 4.5 hours so am looking forward to passing out in a moment. Friday tomorrow, 5 days to goooo....


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## gettina

Just home from a long busy day at work and been desperate to log on to see how the panels went today - so thrilled for you all ladies  

Lolly - awesome

Flash - woohoo. ( I would have thought your career would make them less likely to grill you but it doesn't matter now)

Auntie Katy - enjoy the shopping. Ridiculously exciting! 

Noodles - superb news. I wonder if the children's panel is something that is usually already done before your panel but just isn't yet in this case? No idea as am early in the process mind. So I thnk you are right to hold just a little back due to unknowns while still being seriously chuffed!

Happy anniversary beach girl. Lovely update. Do pop back some time and let us know how you are finding life as a mummy and what you are up to. I'd love to hear.

Poppets mammy - that is my kind of party  

Ddct - loved your latest update. Such wonderful feelings. 

Good luck for mp Nicola Jane. Not to much longer to suffer really.

Woohoo on your not far off panel date anjellssa. Your process feels like it's gone so fast - quite rightly 

Fran - oh god what a truly dreadful day. Poor little critters.  

And ul   you are a v generous-spirited FFer and doing so well. 

Hello to everyone else. 
Gettina
Xxxxx


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## Frangipanii

thanks Lovelies. I do feel supported. My hubby is snoring away next to me whereas I am too scared to sleep in case I have chicken nightmares. Just relieved the fox didnt get my ducks. My bestest rang me so was able to have a cry away from hubby. My parents are upset also and now want me to get a super coop but whats the point foxes will always get in. And hopefully I will be too busy with kids to have poultry as a hobby. Chickens are just lovely creatures and as for ducks wow, its love and geese well they are horrible and they are supposed to see off foxes but didnt happen today. 
oh well best try ans sleep. Awful day...even got bad news from agency about some of my references but I cant think about that at moment. Thanks for support and allowing me to rely on you all. And thanks Arrows for the pm.x x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Big hugs frangipani, foxes got all my parents chickens Christmas Day not last year the year before and that was awful it took around 20 too it's awful. 

Sending big hugs your way xxxxx


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## Primmer

Frangi - sending big hugs, so sorry about your chickens, I hope you managed to get some sleep


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## newmum

Good morning

Welcome Nicola and good luck with your journey

Some lovely stories on here yesterday congratulations all

Frangi sorry to hear bout your loss

Have a good day everyone

Nm2b x


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## Poppets Mammy

Frani -   I'm not a fan of foxes either. When I was a teenager one got into my rabbit pen, I was woken by a screaming noise and thought it was one of the cats fighting. Looked out my window and saw a fox in the pen chasing the rabbits, the screaming noise was the rabbits, I had never heard rabbits screech like that before and hope I never do again. I ran down stairs out the back, one of our cats ran with me and actually flew after the fox   chased it out the garden but it was too late the damage was done. I've never looked at foxes in the same light again. My mam tried to make me feel better by saying at least the fox family have some food to eat as he took one with him, but that didn't help. It's just awful. Can't imagine what it would be like to loose 20 animals. So sorry to hear that. Hope you slept ok.     xx


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## Frangipanii

Poppets Mammy, that must of been awful!!!!! Foxes really are horrible creatures!! twenty of our hens killed for nothing. Well will be two more tomorrow. The ones we found alive are not doing great so I think I will have to put them out of their misery tomorrow. Not a pleasant job!!! 
Thanks for comments I have had an awful day!!!! My bathroom is now leaking and my husband had a weird day!!!! But it is improving. We are going out for dinner and hopefully that will help me relax. Thanks for all support. x x x x


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## Ourturn

Nicola Jane welcome and HOW exciting! 


Frangi how very terrible          I would be devastated. Pour yourself a stiff drink if you're so inclined x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

for you Frangi, it sounds very traumatic and so sad. Hope hubby is doing alright, hope you have time together this weekend xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Ladies, 

Sorry was in a bit of a me bubble yesterday and didn't check in. Yeah for all the good panel news    
Fran I am so sorry you have had such a rubbish day and lost so many animals. They are such a huge part of our life it's gut wrenching to loose them. I hope the reference gets its self resolved quickly too. 

UL bet you're counting the hours till Monday. I am still   for an over turn by the DM everyday. 

Have a good weekend all fingers crossed we see some sunshine at some point x x


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## Jacks girl

Just popped onto send Frang     was sorry to read about your hens. Blooming foxes! Hope you are starting to feel a little better. 

Have a good weekend everyone xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Frangipanii - How awful for you!!! So sorry you had to go through that. I walk the dog twice a day and if I go early morning 6am I see a 'beautiful fox'. DH told me the other day they are not so beautiful...as they are vicious. Our Labrador had chased it one morning and DH explained to me that if the dog had caught up with it (it's a Lab so no fear!!!) it would 'rip the face off him! '....I've been rather wary since then. Now reading your post...well...I'm so sorry for your loss.

UL - Hope you are fighting away!! Monday isnt that long away!!

So tired from our MP celebrations think I'll have an early night!

Noodles XXX


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## Wyxie

Oh, no, Frangipanii, that's awful.  Big hugs to you and I hope today is a better day.

So lovely to see so many others people having wonderful news this week.

But, UL, thinking about you and how hard it must be for you when everyone else is getting good news and you're still waiting.  I hope next week brings better news.

I have finally allowed myself to go shopping.  Nervously.  I didn't do any of this with Wyxling until after matching panel, but there's no way in hell I can do it for a baby in 7 days with Wyxling.  Also, frugally, I hate the thought I am spending our savings when I've only just stopped working, even though I very carefully put money aside from the rest of our savings to get the things we need.  I am a worrier about things like this.

One of my cats is hurt.  We have a local Tom that's not neutered and it persistently tries to mate with our tiny little girl cats (both spade) normally when they are going to the toilet.  They come home scratched, bitter, covered in poo and very upset.  We have one daft cat who he catches lots, and I've had her at the vets 6 times in the last 18 months for antibiotics and anti-inflamatories after he's had a go at her.  My really little crazy cat normally gets away but he's been going for her in the garden even when she's right next to the house the last week and he caught her today and chased her all the way to the cat flap and pinned her down.  I opened the door and they both ran, she didn't come back for six hours and she was still coated in poo down one side and she has a big tear down one of her perfectly beautiful ears.  My kittens are rescue cats, they're incredibly inbred, bred for mousing at which they excel, also bringing down quite big birds on occasion, but they are very small, and both not quite right in the head.  One's simple, one's mental, and we love them so much, they are such home cats, they even love Wyxling to bits and she's learned to be so gentle with them.  I know it sounds silly but the little one is so totally perfect, she's a black and white moggy, but she is absolutely beautiful, and so small with really dainty face, she looks like a kitten still no moor than six months old.  My beautiful perfect little pussy cat now has a big tear in her ear to match the big tear in her sister's ear from last summer, she was so good while we held her and scrubbed her to get the blood and poo off her, and didn't even meow let alone fight or scratch, Wyxling gave her a big handful of cat treats after and she's just been snuggled up next to one of us all evening.  She still smells of poo but we'll just wash our clothes tomorrow.  My poor little cat.  Our other cat just seems to stay inside more.

No idea what to do about it.  I think I know where it lives within a house or two, tempted to go and put a polite letter through their doors offering to pay to have it neutered - it would be worth it to have our cats safe and anyway cheaper than all the vets bills we've had the last year.

Cats protection can do nothing because the cat is owned.


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## gettina

Oh no, how distressing wyxie. Your poor little pusses. 
I would definitely be having a word. I think for something where you'd really like something done I'd recommend go round for a brief face to face if poss as notes can come across as a bit cold and sometimes aggressive whereas in person they can see how nice - and bothered - you are. But, yes, however you decide to play it, it warrants trying something.  That's horrid. 
Xxxxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh no Wyx, poor little moggie    What a really tough situation.  Surely the owner wouldn't want to be putting other cats at risk, you would hope they are cat lovers having got one themselves.  maybe they simply don't realise?  Or may I am being naive?  It would break my heart, poor little creatures just don't understand    We are a few weeks away from letting our little kitten out.  She is also very small and in a neighbourhood full of Toms I am anxious.  She is also so small, but feisty.  I guess we will have to see how it goes.  We are currently trying to get her used to wearing a collar but she got very distressed with it today and managed to loosen it enough to get it over her bottom jaw bone and jammed in her mouth (whilst still around her neck).  The safety catch was actually the bit in her mouth so it didn't ping open and she was making horrible gurgling noises.  I tried to get it undone but was so worried about breaking her jaw.  DF ran for scissors but she was thrashing so much we worried we would stab her.  DF managed to get it undone and it has gone anyway for now.

Will your kitty need a vet?  Lovely that Wyxling has learnt to be gentle and caring towards them.  That is a special bond.

Hope everyone is doing ok today.

As ever, thinking of you Unconditional


----------



## Wyxie

I'm counting on the fact they don't know it's a problem, and just haven't bothered to get it neutered.  I was going to try and go in very gently.  I'm also getting a supersoaker tomorrow, it's got very good at dodging a saucepan full of water.  It must weigh around 2 - 2 1/2 times what my smaller cat does, she's pretty good at getting out the way, but it's huge.

I'm not sure if she'll need the vet, we'll probably know by morning.  If it's a bite on her ear we almost certainly will because it'll infect, if it's just a scratch it should be OK now we cleaned it.


----------



## Flash123

Fran, sending you lots of love and hugs .mouranimals mean so much to us that it really breaks our hearts xxxx

Wyxie, we found a super soaker to do the trick. Our prob is with a newly moved huge Tom and our huge 'sen' Tom. Both are neutured but the just constantlt fight. The other tom sit outside our bedroom window screaching and howling for our boy. That sends him round the bend, jumping on our bed while our she cat who is so timid its untrue trues to get into our pillows. All while dh is severely allergic to cats. Our two are also rescue and they are so special. good luck lol xx

Ul - been thinking of you lots.i hope so much that Monday brings you the answers your hearts desire xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

OMG I'm heartbroken but a little relieved at the same time  

Poppet has been poorly this week with what seemed like an on off cold. She's been clearly under the weather as snotty, croaky, pale at times and just generally not herself. She just hasn't been accepting she is unwell and would sometimes have calpol when really bad but other times would say 'no, not poorly, me fine'. 
She's been acting out, like really being deliberately naughty trying to get a reaction from me, and being angry and aggressive at times. I figured it was because she was poorly and tired as not been sleeping well. But yesterday it escalated and she was just awful all day and night and I was getting so frustrated with her and was starting to wonder what was going on in her little head as there seemed more to it.
This morning I cried in front of her, she just wouldn't talk to me and explain what was wrong and we've literally been up all night. She was wiping my tears away and saying 'ah mammy, don't cry, what's wrong' so I told her I was worried about her. I then asked her why she cried. I then had a jumbled conversation about mammy and daddy taking her away, her being poorly, the rabbit being poorly and now no more rabbit. I think she is trying to tell me that she is poorly but scared that meant she would be taken away from mammy and daddy and just disappear. The last thing she knew that was poorly was our rabbit that died at Easter. She often tells ppl about it and I thought we'd dealt with the whole pet loss well. But obviously there's a worry in her head that whenever someone or something is poorly they just disappear. I wish in away We'd shown her the rabbits body instead of just taking it away but felt at the time she was too young and fragile to see such a thing. It's awful to think she's been trying to hide the fact she feels poorly incase We'd get rid of her. I've given her lots of reassurance and tried to explain things again. She seems a bit more relaxed since. I just hope that is what it was and we can mend the situation and move forward as this week has been hell at times and not knowing what's been bothering her has made it all the worse.   poor little thing. Any body else had a similar thing or got any advice. 
Xx


----------



## Wyxie

Sounds like you've had a pretty rough week PoppetsMammy.

Wyxling can't cope with me being poorly, and we get a similar reaction.  In her head Mummy being poorly means a move.

Sadly there will probably be lots of things like this which cause this sort of reaction, make her afraid of being moved again, and I think with littlies it can sometimes become harder when they stop remembering their move from f/c because they don't always understand what's unsettling them and making them feel insecure, and that in itself can also be very scary.  Even if they themselves know, they can't always tell you.  When Wyxling gets like this I just give her lots of love and reassurance and a huge amount of calm.  I'm not a naturally calm person and I find this very hard.  I don't give in to her behaviour, but we don't "punish" or tell her off for it in any way.  I just think of her like a very small baby when she's like that.  If she keeps doing low level naughty stuff I just move her away from what she's doing and then try and distract her quickly with something else.  If that doesn't work she'll get very angry/rage and we keep her safe and close, even though in the short term that can exacerbate her behaviour, and when she's finished raging we have big cuddles and hold her for as long as she'll let us, tell her she's our wonderful baby, always, and I know something is wrong even if I don't know what, but that everything's OK and we'll always be there to love her and look after her.

Unfortunately, the underlying problem of the fear of moving just takes time, a long time, to go away, and lots of different things can trigger it.  Children make the most odd associations sometimes and often I don't even think they know why.  It's good that your daughter will talk to you as far as she can, and if you can encourage her to do that more it will definitely help.

Glad things are better and hoping for a more relaxing weekend.

Wyxie xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

I posted on here a few months ago. DH and I are at the stage of choosing an Authority/Agency which we will use to adopt. We had a home visit last week from one authority, I wasn't overly impressed by the SW. She was all over the place and seemed unorganised.  We have an information evening on Tuesday night, this is the authority we are hoping to choose. I really hope they have the WOW factor. Any advice you can offer would be great x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thank you for the replies and support  

It's been a tuff week and I was really starting to crack yesterday. I try so hard to keep calm and , diffuse tantrums before they escalate, distract and keep close with lots of reassurance but she's worn me down this week and I was reacting in an ideal way at times which escalated her behaviour and just wore me down even more. She can be so rough with the dogs and us and clawing at me and biting me when I say no or move her away from a situation - she just goes mental. I'm trying my best not to analyse everything but it's in my nature to do so. So I was trying to put the behaviour down to her being poorly but I could see it was more. I hadn't even made the connection until she said this morning. I was wondering why she's try and deny she was poorly. She's been getting lots of OTT cuddles with lots of reassuring and cheesy talk from me and DH. She seems a bit more herself so far so hopefully our little talk has helped. She keeps squeezing me and saying 'My mammy and Daddy love me, my home and my dogs'. Bless her heart


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah poor little poppet. Its sounds like you have coped amazingly.  The associations must be so difficult to figure out. X x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

It's so lovely that you worked it out though isn't it, that you managed to make the connection.  Once you can do that and things start to fall into place it all seems better somehow because you have a real reason, something to grasp onto.  

I just opened the post to find an A4 photo of Bluebird with a note from the SW saying 'A pic of your Boy!!'..    He's so handsome!  lol He's not really ours yet, but I'm starting to believe he will be... DH is out for he day so I've sent him a copy via text...


----------



## Frangipanii

Wow you ladies mean so much. It is amazing how reading support can help you get through a tough situation. Thanks, I wont thank you individually but thank you all.
Wyxie - that sounds awful I do hope you manage to have a word. Good luck. 
Poppets Mammy - having no children all I can say is I am in awe of you, wow you are amazing mother. I know you may be tired and worried etc but it sounds like you are doing everything right and sounds like you are supporting her needs completely! What a lucky little girl!
Auntie Kate - that is amazing what a wonderful thing to receive! x
Hope&Pray2011 - We looked at three voluntary agencies and went with the social worker we most liked. I think that is so important. These people invade your life for a long long time and assess your life with a magnifying glass therefore in my opinion it is the MOST important thing to actually have a bond, or an instinct that says you will get on. Hope you find that special SW! xxx
*Unconditional Love* - just to say that I am thinking about you and I am hope that you are doing ok! much love xxx

afm...well not much to say, time is a healer. We are doing ok. Just trotting on with each day. oh and keeping busy!

Sorry no more personals, I am very grateful for all your kinds words. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!!!

much love Frangipanii! x xx x


----------



## beachgirl

Gettina, just read back as been away for our first family holiday, I'm loving being a mummy at last, my family is now complete after many years of wishing and waiting and although the pain that we went through during our journey will never go away the joy our baby girl has brought is the last 5 months supercedes the years of heartbreak, she's now 14 months old and very beautiful, determined and keeps us occupied every waking minute and I can't imagine life without her now xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

frangipanni...I'm so sorry to hear of your sad news, the same thing happened to friends of ours a couple of weeks ago,    
Wyxie...I hope your little fur-baby is ok  

Big hugs to you both x 

Anj x


----------



## Ourturn

Hope and Pray - there are things about our LA I don't like, really slow, wasn't a fan of the sw that came to see us and did look into a neighbouring LA who work faster BUT half way through I am pleased we stuck with them because:
a their disruption rate is tiny, practically non existent
b their post adoption support is excellent 
c our ages won't count against us in terms of being matched with a littley 
I would say look beyond the sw who visits as chances are this will NOT be the same social worker you are assigned to.


PM sounds like you are doing an amazing job, and its wonderful that you got to the root of what's troubling her so quickly   


Wyxie    what a nightmare. Hopefully they will be mortified and take their tom to be neutered ASAP. 


Beachgirl How lovely! Think you need to update your signature now


----------



## newmum

Morning all

Sorry a few me questions... Can I please ask

Did any one take anything to approval panel? I was going to take a smart note pad I've been using through this process

What are the common questions you get asked?

Thanks to you lovely ladies I have an outfit sorted and a new haircut      well any excuse

Thanks for any advice and sorry for the me post

Nm2b x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Ourturn said:


> I would say look beyond the sw who visits as chances are this will NOT be the same social worker you are assigned to.


The SW we saw at the information evening and who came to the house for the initial visit put my back up from the moment she opened her mouth! She was very flippant about things that were important to me and also far to c0ck sure of herself even though to me she was just a whipper snapper...   Luckily, once we were on Prep Course we never saw her again...


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Newmum2b... I didn't take anything to panel other than a drink in my bag as my mouth kept going dry    And didn't need to either to be honest.  It was all pretty quick.  Maybe take some tissues as when we were given the thumbs up I burst into snotty tears  

We only got three questions (was ready for a grilling but it never came! Phew!!)  The first was quite standard, what had we enjoyed and learnt during the process to date?  The second was about return to work and childcare arrangements and the third was specific to us and how we came to choose our agency.  

I have heard others have been asked about the possibility of trying for BC in the future, support networks, and integrating out child into the community.  So was prepared for this but all that was covered in our PAR so they were happy.  We were also prepared to talk about a previous medical condition DF had but it was never raised.  We were approved for a single child so they asked SW why not a sibling group.  They also asked her if we felt comfortable to ask for help if problems presented (as she had sold us as being resilient, think they just wanted to make sure we didn't think we were superheroes  )  It was all very standard for us so we were lucky!

You will be great i'm sure.  How are you feeling?


----------



## snapdragon

Newmum2b we were asked about our support network, what we would enjoy most/find most challenging when we got a lo and how we had found the process.


----------



## newmum

Thank you lolly and snap dragon some good advice I really appreciate it. I like to be prepared so that really helps. Good idea about the tissues will be needing them I can be quite a sap on the quiet! 

Lolly I'm feeling nervous, excited, impatient, worried, happy  etc thanks for asking

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Can relate to all of those emotions!! You will be fine


----------



## Doofuz

Ah nm2b - you sound like me at the moment  Got lots whizzing round your head I bet. Like me also, outfit and hair sorted. It doesn't seem so far away...

Good luck to you, you won't need it though  

Wyxie, I hope your moggy is feeling OK now. 

We did a car boot this morning and raised some lovely cash...after Wednesday we can decide how to spend it


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Thank you ladies for all the advice. You're right, I def won't make any decisions just based on that one SW. She called me on Friday and half way through the conversation screamed 'OMG A SPIDER' - after that she could barey talk. Lol.

We are really excited about Tuesday night. I don't know if I should take questions with me. Not sure of the set up. I've booked DH and I into a nice Italian 1st to help calm our nerves xx


----------



## gettina

Hi all
A nice sunny day! Yay - couldn't manage if for the wedding I went to yesterday of course but lovely to see the sun today. 
Just popping on to say thanks for the update to beach girl. So lovely lovely lovely to hear you are very happy. 

Poppets mammy. I am so touched by your poor brave little daughter's concerns. Well done for coaxing it out of her and for being as reassuring as you can be. 

Hope and pray - when picking your la I'd ask a couple of practical questions about timescales as well as focusing on how you feel about them. How long after the initial visits might hs start for example and how long do they intend to take from the start of hs or prep. Good luck.

At yesterday's family wedding we got asked about and talked so much about adoption I feel all adoptioned out! Felt a lot of love and support which was really so nice. My folks aren't very expressive and aren't overly excited about it which is a pity so it meant a lot to have family asking and sending love. Was able to easily forgive some of odd comments - like my aunt reassuring me it would be MY child (I know that, after all!)

Gettina xxx


----------



## nicola jane

newmum2b we were asked why we picked that authority and wot did we think of the process and a few other questions but they were all related to our homework.. it was really easy but obviously nervous because of wot it meant  xx


----------



## newmum

Thanks nicolajane yeah I hope we can answer all the questions, like you say it's just what it means makes me nervous 

Doofuz thanks and good luck to you how you feeling?

Poppets mummy sounds like you are doing a great job though difficult at times very rewarding

X


----------



## Wyxie

First time round we were in for about 20 minutes, and it felt like about 2 years. I was very ill at the time though with norovirus and honestly, just staying upright through panel was my biggest achievement. I was also terrified of being rejected.

I was asked about support and plans for coping if being at home with a baby made me depressed and how I would cope with a big change in lifestyle.

We were asked about my husband's sister's mental health and how that impacted on us.

Second time round took 2 hours and was a right grilling, due to the recent placement of Wyxling; she had only been with us for about 7 months when we went back to panel. Questions were very specific to Wyxling's time with us and our plans for introduction of a sibling. We were also asked about timescales for introducing a sibling if the match with Wyxling's brother didn't work out.

Bizarrely, the second panel was actually a very positive experience, despite the intensity, but I was quite nervous; to be honest I only really realised when I got there how important having Wyxling's brother had become to us. Having said that, while we would have been very upset and disappointed if we'd been rejected, I think we'd also have known that if we'd been rejected it would have been because of how recently Wyxling had been placed and associated problems, and while it would have meant we'd have lost her brother, it wouldn't have closed the door on us going back again in the future.

The main thing to remember is that panel _want_ to say yes. Unless your SW hasn't fully explored something significant there _shouldn't_ be a problem.

My fur baby is much better, but she's going to have a tear in her ear. Wyxling is very upset about it and keeps shouting at bully cat every time he comes in the garden. She's been a very good little guard when we're distracted. She's also been spoiling the cats rotten, although they are sometimes unsure as to whether her affection is such a good thing, it can be a bit noisy at times. We didn't need the vets in the end so it must have been a scratch. I did have my other cat come in scratched again last night though, not as badly, but she was covered in poo and cat semen. 

We've had a lovely afternoon with Wyxling in the sunshine. She played on the slide, in her toy car, endlessly, crashed and taken it to the garage at least a dozen times, and buried her doll upside down in the sandpit and the dirt, we've collected sticks, leaves, stones, a huge amount of dirt, touched and/or picked up every snail and other creepy crawly we could find in the garden, and got soaked to the skin. Good thing I wasn't hoping for sugar and spice and all things nice, really. 

Hope everyone has had a good weekend.


----------



## beachgirl

Thank you Gettina it means a lot xxx


----------



## newmum

Thanks for sharing your experiences Wyxie. Norovirus on your panel day as if the day isn't stressful enough! Well done you getting through that! I can imagine second time being a bit more challenging though be it a positive experience 

Glad fur baby is much better.

Sounds like you've had fun in the sun today   

Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Wyxlie - you are doing very well with a busy life.....and caring for your LO and cats. Reading your posts makes me see how busy you are and how much you are trying = well done! Hope you can sort the cat situation out   


Us - MP seemed to take a lot out of us. It was DH bday on Saturday and we had umpteen visitors but DH and I were in our PJ's all day!!!! I still cant believe we had all those visitors in our PJ"S!! ...Both our work lives has been very Hectic and MP ment so much to both of us. We were so Chuffed to pass but completely knackered!! 


We are so tired of the process.   Please let there be no more delays  We need the 13th June to be a Yes and then out LO will be moved   


Sorry to be negative Girls. I'm all worn out! Back to work tomorrow - where did the weekend go? Noodles XX


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Unconditional - hope you are okay ..thinking about you Honey ... hope there is positive news for YOU this week!   


Noodles xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

*Hi Ladies*

*Gwyneth27* - Thank you for your  I am getting a little nervous now, I have sent the manager an email today just to say I really hope something positive comes out of her meeting with the DM tomorrow, my sister has also sent in an email of support for us as she too thinks it is all so unfair along with everyone else.  so much

*Noodles* - Sounds like you've had a busy time celebrating and good for you. Well less than 24 hours and we hope to have some positive news to keep us going. I honestly won't know what to do if the DM agrees with panel. 

*Lolly* - thank you for your thoughts, your support is fantastic, I am hoping I can one day join you and all the other lucky ones in the mummy to be gang, and then have more happy exiting conversations!! 

*Flash* - Thank you for your thoughts, the manager is meeting with the DM at 4;30pm tomorrow so I am going to be a wreck all day, thankfully I am working till 3pm to occupy my mind a little. I just hope she rings me straight after her meeting and not wait till the day after unless of course it is bad news, that I can wait for! 

*Poppets* - I'm sorry to hear of your little ones illness and I hope she is feeling better with your reassurances. 

*Auntie Katie* - Wow that must have been such a lovely surprise from your sw, how very special 

*Frangipani* - I so hope you are ok I know you won't be but as you said time is a healer it's just so very difficult till that time has passed and I'm with you regarding reading support helps lots    We are nervous for tomorrows news I am more hopeful than DH he seems to have lost all faith I just keep telling him we need our strength to fight this.

        for good news to come our way tomorrow, and if it doesn't then i shall keep on fighting or try to 

Sorry if i have missed anyone and hi to all xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ul thinking of you tomorrow. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

x x


----------



## Doofuz

Thinking of you today UL, all the very best. 

Doof  x


----------



## Flash123

Ul thinking of you xxx


----------



## newmum

Unconditional love thinking of you sending you all my best wishes x


----------



## liveinhope

Thinking of you and DH today UL.  Lots of love


----------



## Primmer

UL - thinking of you and your DH today   you get good need this afternoon


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Sending you special wishes for positive news today UL.


----------



## Ourturn

UL Thinking of you today, good luck!


----------



## Frangipanii

Morning. 
UL...thanks for support.thinking of u and your DH today...sending love. x x 
Hi everyonr hope you are all ok. 
Emma, thinking of you also and hoping the day goes fast and brings a wonderful tomorrow. x x 
Afm.  well fox came back and killed more. Sliced my baby fudge but she is on the mend. Eating bread like you wouldnt know she had a big slice down her back. We have now taken drastic measure and locked them all away in our small barn. No they are not happy but it is better than being eaten. We are having to build a new enclosure as mr fox obviously has a taste for chicken. Fort knox as my hubbh is calling it. We are feeling quite positive about this. Just hope the ladies dont get too annoyed being cooped uo together for a week. 
Totally taken my mind off adoption. Which after having a read on here this morning makes me feel a little weird. We are not far from panel and I dont feel ready. BUt i can get ready so thats all that matters. Hopr we ALL have a very positive week with lots of good news and good vibes!!!!! x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

for you unconditional. How I hope and pray decision maker sees sense and puts a new and positive plan in place to get this sorted. You will join the club soon hun, we have to believe it and keep going. Thinking of you and hubs. All the positive vibes in the world!  

Fran, your hubby sounds a man with a plan! Hope this sorts it once and for all. Poor chickadees


----------



## oliver222

UL good luck for today.


----------



## oliver222

Hope&Pray2011 said:


> Thank you ladies for all the advice. You're right, I def won't make any decisions just based on that one SW. She called me on Friday and half way through the conversation screamed 'OMG A SPIDER' - after that she could barey talk. Lol.
> 
> We are really excited about Tuesday night. I don't know if I should take questions with me. Not sure of the set up. I've booked DH and I into a nice Italian 1st to help calm our nerves xx


Me and Dh went for Tapas before ours and then spent whole night worrying as had eaten loads of garlic. So stay away from garlic bread lol


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Large purchase number 1, I'm going to get a car seat. The Cosatto Zoomi 1, 2 & 3.  I figure one day we will have a child, (everything being equal we will have Bluebird here soon) and in any case, we can use it for visiting kids, in fact it may get it's first trial tomorrow bringing my friend's son home from Ikea... (where I will be purchasing Trofast storage for the toys already in the conservatory, again, a useful item even if Panel decide we aren't Bluebird's new mummy and daddy)    Let the shopping begin! 

Frangi!  Not more fox attacks, what a nightmare.  The new, improved enclosure will give you peace of mind for sure.


----------



## Wyxie

UL, hoping for good news for you today, I hope you manage to keep busy until you find out.

Frangipanii, so sorry to hear you lost more chickens.  It sounds like you have the right plan, and as you say, it will give you something to do other than thinking about panel coming up soon.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies, so much news on here. So sorry not to be able to do more personals but will get to it later as lots of pages to catch up on.

Unconditional - Hope you get some answers today and a plan to move forward with x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,


Thank you for your good wishes you are all so kind


The adoption team manager has just rang. She said the DM hadn't turned up for the meeting so she rang and spoke to admin who then told the manager that DM is still on leave. The manager said she's sent an email to the DM and as soon as she hears anything she will let us know but she thinks the DM is back in work tomorrow. I asked if she will be speaking to the DM before she makes the final decision she said she hopes so. 


I am so confused right now we were expecting today to bring some positive news, the manager did say she is very angry with DM'S admin for not letting her know that the meeting would not be taking place. 


I have a bad feeling i just feel it's all over for us   


xxx


----------



## Primmer

UL - huge hugs that is so frustrating   - cant believe they didnt tell manager that DM was on leave. Really   still for good news.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

unconditional   that is awful and I am so sorry, you don't deserve any of this  

Millions of


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

That is awful UL all this messing about is the last thing you need on top of everything else  . Sending loads of   for tomorrow. There is nothing worse than building yourself up for something so much for it not to happen. x x


----------



## newmum

Sorry to hear your news UL the admin team should never off arranged an appointment for today, just shows how dis organised they are. There's nothing worse looking forward to something so important to be let down. Hey on a positive good things come to those who wait and you will get your good news tomorrow  Wish you all the best for tomorrow x


----------



## Doofuz

That's properly out of order that they didn't let you know DM was on leave. Feel so bad for you that you still don't have an answer. Hope you sleep well tonight and tomorrow is your day


----------



## oliver222

Sorry you have been left hanging without any news UL


----------



## Flash123

Ul that's just awful, you must be livid. Im so sorry you have been treated this way. You will have a list of issues as long as your arm that you'll be able to 'wallop' with. Don't  you give up yet my lovely. It isn't over yet. Good luck for tomorrow xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ul I'm so sorry, hope you get some good news tomorrow. 
Big hugs xxxxxx


Well tomorrow is the day and I'm so nervous don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. 

Ill post as soon as I can. 

Fingers crossed xxxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Sometimes I find it hard to decide if they can be arrogant or incompetent or sometimes both!  They forget that there are two parts to the journey, the children AND the prospective parents.  Wonderful people who have often already been though so much.  Of course the children are the most important part but the parents deserve respect and consideration too and sometimes that seems sadly lacking!    Feel awful for you UL but take heart, at the end of it all there are human beings, even if it seems sometimes there isn't.  Hoping against hope that you get the right decision.  xxx

Emma, all best wishes to you for tomorrow xx


----------



## Doofuz

Emma, good luck for tomorrow, hope all goes well x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you doofuz and auntie Kate xxxx


----------



## Sq9

So sorry to hear how you've been treated UL - it is out of order  . Don't give up and hopefully you will get some news tomorrow.  Sending you    xx
Good luck for tomorrow Emma  
Take care everyone xx


----------



## newmum

Good luck Emma for tomorrow 

We've also got a big day tomorrow at panel so fingers crossed for us all

SW text to ask how we are feeling for tomorrow which I thought was really nice. DH is feeling confident but I'm a mixed bag of nerves and anticipation with a bit of hope and joy thrown in! 


Here's to a good nights sleep 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Go for it Emma and newmum!!!! I hope you all manage to get some sleep and stomach your breakfast!! Masses of positive vibes coming your way    You guys will be great   xxx


----------



## beachgirl

Good luck for tomorrow Emma and Newmum2B


----------



## Frangipanii

goodluck to both our ladies tomorrow!! Heart strings crossed!!!
x x x


----------



## MummyElf

Hi all

Just joining the chat. UL I have read recent chat threads and been very upset for you. How you are being treated is just awful. I hope you get some positive news soon. I think you have been treated disgustingly. I am crossing everything for you that it is by no means over. Keep fighting your corner in the dignified manner that you seem to be doing already, it says so much about you how you are coping with this. 

Emma and newmum - good luck for tomorrow! We meet our LO's FC tomorrow and are v.excited about this, though it does feel a bit surreal.  Keeping everything crossed! As lolly said, hope you can manage some brekkie, but don't count on it, your tummies will be doing rounds of gymnastics  

LilyElf x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks everyone. 

Newmum good luck tomorrow honey you'll be amazing I know it xxxxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Nm2b & em's good luck for tomorrow my lovelies xxx


----------



## Doofuz

Oh Em Gee - nm2b, greatest luck for tomorrow. You'll be great  x


----------



## skyblu

UL -   

Newmum2b and Emma- good luck tomorrow.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Primmer

Emma and new mum - good luck for tomorrow - hope you get some sleep tonight


----------



## newmum

Thank you everyone it means a lot, night night x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Good luck for today Emma and Newmum2B....bring us some amazing news today i know you will       


Lilyelf good luck and thank you for your kind words    


xxx


----------



## oliver222

Good luck today lilyelf, emma and newmum.

My last homestudy was finished yesterday. Week off while sw continues writing up report. Then seeing references etc. Hoping to get all done and submitted and in June so can book July panel. (Our LA won't book panels in advance any more, need to have everything finished and paperwork submitted before can book into panel.)


----------



## Doofuz

Good to hear you have had your last HS Oliver  It always feels good to get something like that out of the way, it's a definite next step to the next part of the process. 

Hoping lilyelf, nm2b, UL and Emma are getting on well today.

AFU - approval panel tomorrow, surprisingly calm after my little bit of freaking out over the past couple of weeks. I have been looking after my darling niece for the last few days and she has kept me very occupied. We are now in Debenhams and she is finally asleep (bad times if she doesn't sleep, meltdowns all over ) and I have time to do some reading up on here with a caramel latte 

I'm pretty sure we can't prepare much more, and we are both feeling very positive. I get butterflies every time I think about tomorrow but have put this down to adrenaline and this will work in our favour!

Its got to be said, I may not post much but this forum should have gone in on the official support network homework, you're all fab and an excellent source of advice, help and support to people who may not have anyone else to turn to really. Family and friends don't truly understand what we are going through unless they have been through it. Just spreading the love  Thank you x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Getting so nervous about tonight. I really want this to be the LA for us. I will let you know how it goes xx


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Doofuz said:


> Its got to be said, I may not post much but this forum should have gone in on the official support network homework, you're all fab and an excellent source of advice, help and support to people who may not have anyone else to turn to really. Family and friends don't truly understand what we are going through unless they have been through it. Just spreading the love  Thank you x


I think my wife will agree with that, she has been lurking on here since I showed her the forum.
She comes on here everyday and asks me whether I've read this or that, and I know this is her favourite thread so "Hi boo".


----------



## newmum

Hi 

What an emotional morning, we got their early (after our dry run Sunday so we wouldn't get lost and to show DH boys where we were going today) then we had to wait a bit because the panel before was running late. A this time I was getting more and more nervous! I decided to go to the toilet to calm my nerves then walked back into the room to find the chair person and SW manager talking to DH.

We then where introduced to the chair person and our SW manager, then SW went into panel first (we are her first couple and this meant a lot to her as much to us) then we got Asked in. The many many panel members introduced themselves then we had about 5 questions asked to us, we then went outside and 2 minutes later the chairperson and the SW manager came out and told us an unanimous yes! Queue tears from me and then SW!!! They both couldn't praise us enough... So chuffed   SW then gave me a big hug... I think we all felt such relief and so happy we had got as far as we have. Defo needed the tissues!! Thanks for the advice ladies 

So me and DH are on cloud 9, it's so nice to see DH so very very happy as he hasn't shown much enthusiasm through this process and at times found it difficult. 

Off out tonight to celebrate..

How did you get on Emma?

UL how was your day? Any news? I really hope you had good news today

Doofuz I can relate to your feelings, I took my Mums advice in the end which was just be yourself and talk from the heart. This site is actually mentioned on my PAR as support and research that we've used.

LilyElf how did your meeting go?

Hi everyone

Nm2b xx


----------



## Primmer

Newmum - that is great news, you must be so excited. Enjoy your celebrations -  you both deserve it.


----------



## Doofuz

New mum, so pleased to hear your great news! You must be chuffed to bits. Congratulations, enjoy your celebrations !  x


----------



## Doofuz

Did anyone else feel really emotional the day before approval panel? Just finished watched POG Dogs and I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm not the hard heartest person in the world but it went on for a lot longer than normal, haha! My H isn't here and its a while yet until he's home, need him here to help me feel reasonable again!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Omg I'm a mummy!!!! 

We got a unanimous yes we meet our lo in 13 sleeps haha xxxx


----------



## Doofuz

Emma, huge congratulations to you too! Excellent day for good news


----------



## newmum

Doofuz I was crying at Ian Beale getting his life time achievement at the British Soap Awards, I think it's totally natural all this worry and emotion we are going through

Emma woop woop woop so chuffed for you CONGRATULATIONS   13 sleeps amazing  

Thank you everyone for your congratulations messages and support  

Nm2b x


----------



## Primmer

Emma - huge congrats. - only 13 sleeps wow


----------



## Unconditional-love

oliver - glad your home study is out of the way another step taken. We actually miss our homestudy sessions   

doofuz - wishing you all the luck in the world less than 24 hours for your good news   i agree that this thread should be part of the process homework its amazing, i sure could not have coped this past 11 days without it. I did mention ff in my par and also added this site to our support network.

hope&pray2011 - good luck for tonight i hope the LA suits you.   


newmum2b - Fantastic news really great, so happy for you brought a tear to my eyes reading your post. celebrate and enjoy getting used to the FACT that you are soon going to be mummy and daddy xxx   


emma1605 - congrats that's fantastic news...x less than 2 weeks   


AFU, Well still no news, we were told yesterday then told hopefully today, now today we are told tomorrow. My head is like a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be put back together and my stomach is doing cartwheels, i was even sent home from work today as i felt so sick with worry   Anyway we are preparing ourselves for the worst and looking into the appeals process which can take up to 4 months to get a decision on.
The thing that pulls at our heart strings the most is we were told by the second opinion sw that they already had a little one in mind for us, that little one is out there somewhere and we may never get to meet him/her, now that hurts   


Fantastic news on here today is keeping me going...so happy for you lovely ladies xxx


----------



## Primmer

UL - feel so sorry for you being kept hanging on not knowing its understandable that you can't concentrate at work. I continue to   it will be good news for you both. Big


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Huge congratulations to everyone with great news today, Emma, NM2B but UL, so sorry you are still being lead a merry dance.  Don't give up yet, if the DM sorts this mess out you could still be in line for that LO... If not then it is because your LO is still waiting for you to find them...


----------



## Poppets Mammy

UL - I'm so angry you are going through this, they surely are making a hard time even harder. It's ridiculous. If I were you, once all this none sense is sorted out I would be putting a complaint in about how it has all been handled, it's a total joke. Hope they stop messing you around and get it sorted  

Huge congratulations to Emma and NM2B - enjoy your celebrations   🎉

Xx


----------



## MummyElf

UL -I'm so sorry for what is happening. Hang in there because your SW clearly feels the decision is wrong and I'm sure that those who should be fighting your corner are.   you get some good news soon.

Emma and newmum - congratulations! Excellent news!!   

Our meetings went well today and the FC is really nice. It was great to get more information on our LO and has given me plenty to think about. It feels a bit more real now. Matching panel mid-June.   A looooong day so really shattered but all good


----------



## Sq9

UL - words fail me.  So cruel making you hang on day after day.  Try and keep strong and   this is all sorted very soon  
Congratulations Emma and nm2b - enjoy every second  
Doofus - good luck for tomorrow
Take care xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Emma - WELL DONE! !! Mum!!!


We too meet our LO (hopefully ) in 3 weeks! So exciting ...isn't it!!


Love Noodles XX


----------



## Flash123

Emma and nm2b - WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO fantastic news both. Time to celebrate girlies xxx

Doofus - good luck for tomorrow chickadee. Can't wait to hear your news.

Ul - gutted for u lovely. Am hoping so much that tomorrow bring you the news you are waiting for. I can't imagine what you and dh are going through, take care xxx

Afu - well it has been a lovely few days since our yes. I've had my birthday and we've had the most wonderful photos texted by the fc. Friday morning I was awoken with a pic of lo just woken up, all doppy looking and it said good morning mummy and daddy. Then on sat we had a photo of him looking at the photo of dh and myself that we had emailed to them. He's leaning forward and it trying to grab my face on the laptop (he s at the age where everything is hands at the moment, in every photo they are just a blur where he's flapping them around or trying to grab something)
I really can't believe it - 3 more days till I leave work and  9 more days till I meet my baby. Xxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you so much everyone, we are on cloud 9. Been out tonight for a lovely meal and now relaxing we both feel so drained after an emotional day. 

Congrats newmum yay so happy for you. 

Good luck for tomorrow doofus. Xxxx

Flash looks like we both finish work on Friday omg can't believe I'm actually finishing lol. Xxxxx

Ul so gutted for you honey hope you hear something tomorrow. Big hugs xxxxxxxx


13 sleeps till we meet lo we can't wait. 

Sorry I've not mentioned everyone I get confused very easily when posting from my phone lol. 

Hugs everyone xxxxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Masses of positive vibes coming your way Doofuz   you will be great! Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

Unconditional, I really really feel for you. So sorry you are being treated so poorly. Really hoping you finally get some news tomorrow, this is just cruel. Massive hugs hun  

Congrats to you again Emma   can't wait for a double whammy of flash and Emma intro updates, amazing times


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you lolly still in shock I think lol it's starting to sink in now that now I AM a mummy argghhhhhhh xxxxxx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi everyone
Good luck tomorrow doofus
Congratulations Emma its great news
Ul I hope you get some good news tomorrow, hold in there x
Flash I bet you are on cloud 9 and can't wait
As for us, we have lo's sw coming tomorrow to meet us, but got told today that there is another couple going for them too. Not to sure how to feel really. We know they have already been visited so I am a little in the air at the moment. Anyone else been in this position ?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Dreams do come true had a competitive match I think.  Good luck I really hope it goes your way. Great news Emma and Flash can't wait for intro updates.  

UL I really hope someone pulls their finger out today and sorts it. It is beyond cruel x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Macgyver - A few of us have had competitive matches, all handled differently and had different outcomes. I can't believe they've only just told you about the other couple now. We were told from the min we were shown the profile that there was one couple who were interested already. The LA had a matching meeting to decide which couple to proceed with before they visited. I can only presume that you and the other couple must be similar on paper and they want to make the decision after meeting you both. Unless they always visit before deciding, every LA is different. Good luck, just be yourself and be honest and hopefully they'll spot something in you that they like that the other couple didn't bring to the table. It's awful competing isn't it.   

Best of luck Doofus   xx


----------



## Doofuz

Macgyver - good luck today with lo's social worker 

Flash - It's so lovely to see you're excited 

UL - please let this be the day you hear something  x

To everyone else, have an excellent day. Thank you all for your kind wishes  x 

H and I are off out for breakfast - the kind with all the super foods


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

When we first showed an interest in Bluebird there was no one else in the running but when his SW came to visit there was another couple who had also been interested, however, after meeting us they decided we were a much stronger match and didn't pursue the other couple. 

Competitive matching is horrible, they get your hopes up and they can be dashed and you can't do anything about it.   Good luck!


----------



## MummyElf

Hi all

Macgyver they did this to us too but told us we were the faves after an agonising weekend's wait then met us a few days later. We weren't told this was a possibility and it was awful. Thankfully all ok and panel next month but it was cruel and I wad very upset at the time, furious in fact. I hope it works out for you. x


----------



## newmum

Thank you again for all the congratulatins messages!! Still on cloud 9   

Macgyver.. We haven't been matched yet, and thank goodness our LA doesn't do competitive matching as far as I am aware. Sorry cant share any experience but wanted to wish you luck for today's visit with SW, the only advice I can give is just try and be your lovely self.

Good luck for today Doofuz, you will soon be celebrating  

Unconditional.. I can't believe what you are having to go through, and then to be told their was a LO in mind for you. How insensitive and unprofessional! Stay strong and you will get through this, hope you and DH here some positive news today

Hello to everyone else 

Nm2b x


----------



## MummyElf

You will feel like that for a while newmum! We passed just before Christmas and it was a lovely way to spend Christmas knowing  that 2013 was going to be a special year x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Lots of great positive news on here over the last few days. It gives me hope   I spoke to SW today, she advised me to send my pro forma and health checks back today and once she gets this she hopes to move forward to prep. All going well our prep courses will be in July  x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies 


Thank goodness i am bringing some positive news to this thread at long last...  


Our adoption manager has rang, she said she had a meeting with the decision maker this morning and the decision maker agreed that the outcome for us was not to be rejected at panel, so we have now been deferred for our sw to come out and fill in some gaps, and all is agreed that we need to go back to panel. Our LA only hold one panel per month so we wont go back till august as they are busy, however on a positive the time we have shall be spent going through our PAR with a needle and thread to ensure that everything is right. 
My worst fear is getting to panel for the same outcome.

Taking DH out tonight to celebrate our good news, so so happy we have been given this chance   


Thank you to all you amazing ladies for your endless support and advice i truly could not have gotten through this past few weeks without you    


xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

That is amazing news unconditional....finally someone is seeing sense. Your PAR will be exemplar as I bet SWs are as angry as you about how you were treated. Make sure you and DH spoil each other rotten. So so pleased for you x


----------



## superal

FANTASTIC news UCL......................enjoy your celerbrations tonight, you and your DH deserve this good news.
August will soon be here and I am sure this time they will say YES!!!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am so glad UL that is brilliant news. August here we come x x


----------



## newmum

So pleased for you unconditional love amazing news, roll on August. Enjoy your celebrations x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Whoop!!  Oh dear, I'm having a little tear, so unlike me!!!    I'm so happy you have this good news UL!  Instead of a complete derailment it's turned out to be just a little blip on the difficult journey.. Great big hugs


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh unconditional I am so so pleased for you. I bet that was the most nerve wracking phone call of your life! So glad people are starting to talk some sense at last. You celebrate girl!! Read auntie Katies post which made me misty eyed too! You really deserve this positive news


----------



## liveinhope

Great news UL!  Enjoy the celebrations x


----------



## daisy0609

That's fantastic news UL just exactly what you deserve xx


----------



## Lizard39

FANTASTIC NEWS UL   so ver pleased for you & your hubby. Enjoy this evening together


----------



## Anjelissa

Oh UL, that's wonderful news!!!!   

What an emotional ordeal you've been put through on top of what is already a long and emotional process at the best of times!   
I'm so pleased for you  , I'm sure you've made a lot of people smile this evening with such brilliant news!  
Enjoy your celebrations    

Anj x


----------



## Arrows

Oh UL!  
I'm laughing and crying and dancing all at the same time!


----------



## Dame Edna

Fan-blummin-tastic UL   

I could really sense your despair in your previous posts so I loved reading this fantastic update   

All systems go again hey!   

FAB   

Xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Unconditional Love    
Really pleased for you xx


----------



## Frangipanii

really please for you UL x x x


----------



## Sq9

Brilliant news UL    .  Enjoy celebrating tonight.  August will be here before you know it and hopefully we may even have had some nice weather before then


----------



## Wyxie

Really glad to hear your news UL.  I'm really surprised that wasn't what panel did in the first place if they felt there was something that wasn't covered properly.  Fingers crossed for good news and hoping the next couple of months go by quickly for you.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

UL - So pleased to hear common sense prevails, I think heads will roll if you don't pass panel in August. Just view your current position as the same as what you were before the first panel, your just back in the world of HS with every chance of being approved soon. Enjoy your celebration, by gum you both deserve it   xx


----------



## Flash123

B****y fantastic news Ul... As it should be. It was utterly preposterous the situation you found yourself in. Roll on August!!!xxx 
Doofus... Hoping today has gone well xx


----------



## snapdragon

UL brilliant news and with the 3 month wait at least the panel will feel you have had enough time to do more work with your sw.


----------



## Primmer

UL - that is fantastic news- so pleased for you and dh


----------



## Marley49

UL Fantastic News - enjoy the celebrating tonight xx


----------



## skyblu

UL , Thank god someone has seen sence.  
As you know, I have been through a similar situation and you can msg me any time. Roll on August.

Newmum2b and Emma, congratulations to you both.

Doofuz, hope all went well today.

SKYBLU.XXX


----------



## gettina

Phew UL-so so relieved the decision maker knew their own mind.   you get the right result in August and lots of support in the meantime. 

Really sorry about the shock competitive matching - good luck. 

And flash, auntie Katie and Emma, yay to fab developments! 

We are still plugging away at hs. Starting to hear about several of our prep grp couples approaching panel now and feeling we have been sluggish. No point being bothered by it but ....still, had nice messaging from our sw in hs last week, saying she was v confident and happy and looking forward to getting us approved. Nice to hear; good things come to those who wait, etc. 

Gettina x


----------



## Wyxie

A year ago today we met our baby Wyxling.  We took a helium balloon, and managed to coax her to come to us.  She hid behind her balloon lots.  I tickled her feet, and she gave me a shy smile and a very cheeky giggle, and looked at me with her huge brown eyes, and that was that.  I was hers forever.

What a year it has been, for all of us. 

We had a big snuggle this morning when she toddled in, and I told her about the first time we met, and showed her some photos.  That's a big step for Wyxling, being OK about talking about us meeting, the idea that we haven't always been there.  We went out this morning and I got her another balloon, which she is very pleased with.  She never cries normally if her things get lost or broken, but it blew into our neighbours garden this afternoon while we were playing in the sunshine and she absolutely howled, poor little thing.  My neighbour, needless to say, gave it us back and all was fine.  She's been a sunny little thing today, we've played, been to playgroup, theraplay, which was mostly very nice time, had a huge snuggle after her nap, and then played in the garden in the sunshine.  I put her to bed with no fuss, and my favourite teddy who seems to keep scampering into her room all on his own at the moment, and she fell fast asleep.

Love you Wyxling.

Don't normally cross post from the diary, but wanted to share this one.  It's been a lovely day.


----------



## GERTIE179

Awww Wxyie that's soooo lovely - happy anniversary to the Wxyie's :-D

UL - I'm sooo glad the DM has made a good choice
X


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Wyxlies - how Lovely. x


UL - YEEHAA!!!!


Noodles (sorry so, so short = knackered but had to write)


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ul fantastic news honey so pleased for you xxxxx


----------



## Doofuz

UL - I have never been so pleased to see a post such as yours. Excellent news and I have complete faith that you will get even better news in August. Try to relax now, it must be hard though x

We've had an amazing day too  Unanimous yes from 8 members of a lovely panel. I cried on 'We are delighted...' and have been in dreamland ever since, and this is just the beginning!  We have been celebrating ever since, a bar just down the road, champagne with my mum and a BBQ with best friends. We need a chill out too, off to Somerset for the weekend, can't wait.

Sorry for lack of personals, it's the first time I have managed to get on here since this morning and I'm shattered! 

Good luck for those who need it tomorrow.


----------



## oliver222

Amazing news UL.
Huge congrats Doofulz.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations doofuz xxxxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Just popped on quickly to say congrats to all those successful at matching panel and approval panel. Also whoop whoop  to UL. Am relieved and so happy for you  

AFU still waiting for news of last week's initial interview outcome! We knew it would be a 2WW our SS don't do anything fast except if you want to be a FC! But it's good training for waiting for everything else in the process lol. 

Sorry no more personals its been a mad one at work this week! Hi to everyone and good luck to those at MP or AP soon xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Huge congrats Doofuz


----------



## Flash123

Doofuz - WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO, sounds like you had a lovely day xxx

Wyxie - that was such a beautiful post. Sounds like you had a wonderful day xxx


Brummiemill - waitings a killer isn't . Hope you her soon xxx

Afu - this time next week we'll be on our way to meet our lo for the first time. We had a new photo last night. Him looking at our talking album while cwtching they cuddly we sent him. He looked like he was relly concentrating on dh. Bless him lol xxx


----------



## newmum

Great news doofuz congratulations


----------



## Primmer

Congrats doofuz - great news! 

Brummie - hope you hear soon

Wyxie - lovely post - congrats on your first year together 

AFU - got our initial sw visit this morning, feeling very nervous!


----------



## Frangipanii

Wow a year Wyxie.... love to you and your wonderful family!!
Congrats Doofuz!!!!! Brilliant news.
Primmer...hope it goes great which I am sure it will!!! 
Brummiemill....hope the waiting goes quick!!!
afu...read our PAR....and I felt crap. Not sure why but found it really really hard going, might be hromones but I found reading all this lovely stuff and about us really tough. Obviously our losses with our pregnancies were highlighted but I dont think it was about them. I just csnt add it up!!! Oh well only weeks to go now. And I am feeling really nervous already. Our agency is fantastic cant fault them and it seems matching is going f.a.s.t. judging by some of the people I know. Scary fast. I just hopr we get through. My life has been under the microscope. I was completely honest about all skeletons and now I feel naked!!! But it ihas been an emotional couple of weeks so maybe I am just feeling a litlle overwhelmed by it all. Next step...panel. Many sleeps to go yet though. 
Hope all you lovelies are ok. Lots of celebrsting this week, whivh is wonderful!!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

***BARGAIN*** ***BARGAIN***

http://www.mothercare.com/Baby-Jogger-City-Mini-3-Wheeler-Pushchair---Purple/473387,default,pd.html#q=Baby%20jogger%20city%20mini

I was umming and ahhing about whether to get a buggy yet or not. Mum was going to buy it and I wanted the purple City Mini, which is £259.99 in John Lewis... Anyway, was just browsing yesterday and found it for £199.99 in Mothercare... Bargain! Wasn't sure if perhaps it was a slightly older model or not but it didn't really matter. But, I'm so glad I waited a bit longer because it's now got a further 15% off!!!

So, anyone who wants a purple Baby Jogger City Mini, I reckon you should grab a bargain! £169.99, £90 cheaper than John Lewis!


----------



## MummyElf

UL UL UL UL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohooooooooooooooooo!!! Honestly I am so, so happy for you! I was so angry when I read how you had been treated and I could really feel how heartbreaking it was for you.  This is an excellent development! Roll on August and I hope you are matched with your LO in double-quick time after that! 

Wyxie .... what a lovely post! So lovely to hear how far little Wyxling has come...and soon you will be welcoming no.2!!  

Auntie Katie I was inlove with the city mini for a looong time and had it picked out same as you, in purple, from John Lewis! But then when we found out that No.2 could be placed with us a bit sooner than anticipated we decided we needed to get a tandem. We got a gorgeous Phil & Ted tandem second-hand from gumtree from a lovely posh house where they clearly could afford to buy a Phil & Teds new! (not us - its worth almost as much as my car!) It has all the bells and whistles and the price was the best bit.  What I like is that it can be a single or a double as the seating for the second child can just be 'added on' underneath, so it doesnt matter if no.2 arrives quickly or slowly, we wo't have to buy a new buggy.  Did I just turn into a complete buggy bore??!!! I do apologise! I'm just excited to own one for the first time as I love pushing other people's!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Some amazing news on here again and the sun is shining....woo hoo!

Just a quick one as I am at work We may be moving forward again?! A LO's SW is coming to meet us in 2 weeks and we are the only one's being considered There are a few things that need clarification but we are really hoping that this LO could be ours so have everything crossed. Was hesitant to share the news as we've been through this before but we have been assured that the SW only wants to meet us. Such a relief to be able to share this news I'd better get back to work now x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Wyxie, that is so lovely so glad you had a good day. Ah Bless her with her balloon  . Doofuz congrats well done x x


----------



## newmum

Just a quick update! 

Frangi what you are feeling is absolutely normal our SW warned us that the PAR can affect you exactly how you have described you are feeling, so don't worry at all every thing will work out x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Doofuz, big big congratulations!  Sounds a lovely day and a weekend away is very much deserved.  Enjoy every second!!

Greenie I am so happy to read your news!  Sounds promising so everything crossed, looking forward to more updates.  Let this be your LO  

Frangi    It is emotional isn't it.  Like you say you have bared your soul for strangers to see and judge you on whetehr you are 'good enough'.  It is very strange when you think too deeply into things, and emotions will be running high with only a short while until panel.  But feel content in the fact you are feeling typical things at this stage in the process and that soon you will be 'put out of your misery' so to speak    I am sure that PAR reads fab and they will see you will make great parents.

Love to everyone


----------



## Primmer

Greenie - really hope this match works for you and you get your lo soon 

AFU - had initial visit with sw this morning, she said she is going to recommend us to her manager with a view to us having our prep course in either July or October


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks Newmum2b and X-lolly-x. I so needed some reasurance. Yhink you must all br sick to the teeth of my miserable posts. Sorry i am going to try and have a more positive vibe!!! Startin now!!! Hope everyone is having a lovely evening. Some very exciting stuff going on. Hear off lots of my prep grouo and they have lots of exciting news. 
Adoption is seen as a generous act, I see it as a selfish one. Cant wait to be a mum. Dh and I are very silly people and often act the clown, we cannot wait to have kids so we can have a team of sillyness. My cousin came round today and I was dying to tell him but not just yet me thinks!!! Soon. 
Love to all x xx


----------



## Flash123

Fran, its funny you say that about it being selfish because thats exactly what I said todayl. Im leaving work tomorrow and a parent came in today to say goodbye and started saying what wonderful people she thought dh and I were, that people who adopt should get medals etc. i couldnt help but say its the most selfish thing that dh and i have ever done. We did it purely for the selfish reason of wanting a family but its also the most exciting thing weve ever done !!!


----------



## MummyElf

I agree! Several colleagues have told me how wonderful it is that I'm changing a child's life.....to be honest she is changing our lives and we desperately want her. We are the blessed ones!


----------



## Wyxie

I was talking to another Mum at play group yesterday and was quite embarrassed, although also very moved, by what she said to me.  She was one of six children taken into f/c old enough that they stayed in foster care and none were placed for adoption.  She said she was the only one who has a job and who hasn't ended up in and out of prison/on drugs/alcohol, and the only one to keep her own children.  She has letterbox contact with several of her adopted nieces and nephews the oldest of whom is now an adult and about to go to university, and told me about what they were achieving against all the odds and how much she thought of the various adopters who had looked after them.  She asked me a lot of inappropriate questions about Wyxling which I just avoided - she was just showing a real interest I think and didn't really mean anything by it - but she did seem to understand that things are not quite as straightforward as they sometimes seem.  She said she was honoured to meet us and that she hoped to be as good a mum for her little boy.  I think I was embarrassed mostly because as others have said, we didn't adopt for entirely altruistic reasons.  We wanted our family.  Also because I feel like she's achieved a huge amount given her early life and doesn't value that as she should.  I don't know that she's a good Mum, but her little boy is a lovely little boy who always seems to be smiling about something and often pretends to make cake with my daughter and I, and I find it hard to imagine he doesn't have a pretty good life at home.  I've worked with a lot of families who've had kids go into the care system later on and been in foster homes, and not many end up doing OK for themselves.

Bit of a wibble for the day, but yes, Fran, Flash, I know what you mean.


----------



## Macgyver

Ul - that's fantastic news, I am so glad they have seen sence.

Doofuz - congratulations sweetie I bet you are still on cloud nine x

Afu - we are still waiting to hear from our lo's sw if we have been chosen  she was going to to talk it through with her managers yesterday. Our sw has told us not to feel its our fault if we are not chosen as we did nothing wrong, that she would just feel there was something of a better match in them than us.  But it doesn't make you feel like you could have done something different. I just wish she would call. Everytime the phone rings my heart jumps into my mouth. Ahhhh I am going crazy....


----------



## Frangipanii

Thinking of you Macgyver!!! Fingers and heart strings crossed x x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Girls, love reading this site and all the positive stories....


A deep and philosophical question for you all...how does your LO find their way to YOU?? Ive been thinking a lot about that lately. We are meeting our LO soon and I keep wandering ....out of all the children .... Ive taught literally hundreds you see, how this LO? I know the obvious reasons - our matching criteria I know..but is there something bigger, deeper? We are meeting him on what would have been my Dad's birthday ( he died 14 years ago this month) ... this for some unknown reason makes me feel better. 


Im not saying I have any doubts about this LO .... LO is EVERTHING I could have ever wished for...perhaps when we meet/comes home I'll find a deeper meaning in all of this!!!  a little confused and lost   


Noodles XX


----------



## Flash123

Noodles, I think that is something you naturally feel the closer you get to meeting your lo (well I hope so anyway!) im feeling it now. How do we now this is right? 

when we thought we had lost our lo our sw told us that he was a fantastic match but so were others who could equally be our lo. I disagreed. I spoke to dh about this. He is such a quite man yet he passionately said the first time he read  about our lo he knew he was reading about his son. Yes there was no reason not to, but there was every reason to go ahead. 
You are meeting your lo on your dads birthday...that does mean something. Valentines day was the first time dh told me he loved me (cliched I know) but that was the day we learnt of lo. He was born on the day my mum had life saving surgery. She was resuscitated twice and was fighting for herlife, he was fighting his way into ths world. His birth was registered on the day we were told she was ok. 

I think sometimes, there doesnt have to be hard facts. Yes there may have been others that match your matching criteria but sometimes, just by fate, your lo's find you...and that's how its meant to be. I'm not religious at all but I can't help but believe something's are just meant to be xxxxx


----------



## Flash123

I have to come on and share my news.I know I am exceedingly merry as I ave had copious amounts if bubbles but Tonight I experienced something I have drempt of for years and years. I left work and had a 'baby leaving do'. I'm leaving to have our baby!!!! I am so emotional and touched today. I have had the most wonderful day and the most wonderful gifts. The next time I'll see them I'll be a mum! How amazing is that? I still can't believe it. After all these years I'm going to be a mum. 
xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Flash! Your words of wisdom helped! I think I am suffering from adoption nerves!


And cogratulations!!!!! 1 week until you meet your LO !!!! Enjoy every second.   How exciting!!!  


Noodles XX


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Flash it's amazing isn't it today I also had my last day and baby leaving do it's been so fantastic can't believe the gifts we have been given he is one very spoilt boy. 

So happy for you honey. Not long now. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Doofuz

Ahh flash and Emma, that's so lovely, you must be so excited


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations flash and Emma. Not long now until you meet your LOs you both sound so happy which is very deserved. Wishing you all the best, keep us posted.

We have meeting with LOs SW booked in and have literally everything we can cross, crossed.

Have a lovely bank holiday weekend x


----------



## liveinhope

Noodles I am a great believer that our son "found us".  We were approved for 2 children and only been looking at profiles of 2 children.  However his adoption SW saw our profile and asked if we would consider his details (initially there was the possibility of his lil bro too...)  Once we read his details there were too many coincidences - his birthday is our wedding anniversary, his first middle name is my dad's name (dad died suddenly 8 weeks after DS came home) and the physical match is extraordinary.  My DH was very similar to yours Flash, he said he knew he was reading about his son!  It all came together perfectly.  Little Bro hasnt come to us but we could not be more delighted with our little boy.  It can be tough at times but being his mum is amazing and we love him to bits!  We were just meant to be a family!


----------



## Primmer

How exciting that a few of you are so close to meeting your little ones 

Greenie - keeping everything crossed for you. 

AFU - did any of you have to attend a reflection day before starting prep? Sw said about 1 week before prep we have a half day reflections course ran by someone outside of the LA to deal with loss.


----------



## Sq9

Wow, flash and Emma - you must both be counting down the seconds. So exciting!! 
Good luck to all those waiting to hear on matches.
Primer - sorry but I've not heard of a reflection day.  It is strange how each LA does things differently when the process is supposed to be the same.
Have a great bank holiday weekend everyone. The sun is finally shining here - yippee


----------



## MummyElf

Flash, Emma - this is all SO exciting!!!! Yesterday a colleague came in with her baby who is a few months old and for the first time I was totally genuinely happy to be talking 'baby' and about the littlie we are about to adopt. The knowledge that you're going to be a mum is amazing when so many of us have waited and watched the entire world have babies except us. I kinda feel privileged to have waited in a weird way because the joy and excitement I feel is so strong and I know it's because of the journey it's taken to get here.

Noodles...I think the other posters are right...there is a right LO or LOs out there for each of us and somehow they find their way to us. We were certain we wanted a boy first, like completely certain and were only going to consider boys......then we saw a certain little lady's profile and that was that. I knew I was reading and hearing about my daughter. I just knew. I am one of those people who 'gets feelings' anyway. DH on the other hand isn't massively, but he kinda knew too. And we do have a faith, so we did feel that she was chosen and predestined for us and that the right LO would be presented to us. We saw other profiles but we knew they weren't right, yet she just is somehow.  I truly believe she was always meant to be with us but someone else had to give birth to her because I'm not seemingly able to.....and to be honest I don't mind that. I get to skip childbirth and keep my hoo-hah in one piece so who am I to complain   

It's a funny old thing is adoption, everyone I know who has adopted fits so perfectly with their children and although I think the SWs and family finders must be wonderful at their job, I also think that these LOs who have often been through so much are being watched over and placed in families that are perfect for them.

Get me and my big philosophies  

X


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

LilyElf & Live in hope - Thanks for your posts - it really does help.


Our LO had 4 other couples interested but they chose US!!! I always thought we'd have a little girl and that's not what happens but I couldnt choose as I believe what comes to you comes (hope that makes sense) . DH and I lost a little boy at 25 weeks pregnant and after that I feel God/life chooses what's for you. My gorgeous wee granny used to say 'What's for you won't go by you'... and it's a boy  ! And I am genuinely over the moon just apprehensive. I hope I can do the job..DH laughs when I say that as he says he has no worries about me being a Mummy as I am a Natural   However, I think I am just all emotional a bit scared!   


Twenty days till we meet our Son!!!! We are on a countdown!!


What a brilliant day we've had weather wise up here - hope tomorrow's it's the same!


Love to all you ladies out there - on whatever stage you are at!   Noodles xx


----------



## MummyElf

Noodles, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss; that must have been heartbreaking.

How funny that you thought you would have a little girl and are having a boy, and we thought we were having a boy and it's a girl! We had even done a feature wall of boy's wallpaper ( hastily papered over the day before LO's SW visited!!!!). It just goes to show how much we know doesn't it!   I like it this way round though because I know it's meant to be as so wasn't expected; had it been a boy I might have been thinking 'well if it's a boy under a certain age who ticks certain boxes how can I know there isn't another equally good match elsewhere...' Yet it so wasn't that way when we heard about her. She wasn't what we expected but she is right for us and we for her.

20 days to go!!! We'll hopefully meet our LO in around 30. Looking forward to reading your updates! X


----------



## Frangipanii

Afternoon Ladies,

Quick question.....just reading our PAR........omg hard going......... 
30+ amendments so far! Do u think I am going to get told off!? No that is not the question. Hubby is a bit traditional and wants to be Applicant 1, which I have no issue with at all but how do you think that will be digested at the agency!? weird question i know x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi frangipani, we had to make a LOT of corrections. DH was applicant number 1 on ours...can't see there being any issues at all by agency. X


----------



## newmum

Hi Frangipani we didn't have to make that many corrections thank goodness seeing as we only had overnight to make changes. I was applicant 1 and I don't think my DH even noticed   

I don't think it will make any differences at all and did wonder why I was applicant 1? Just mention it to SW if any thing this just adds to you and your DH personalities and how you are as a couple

Loving the stories about how you all knew LO was right for you and also enjoying the baby leaving do's people are so kind aren't they

I'm on my way home from my best buddies, she lives about 3 hours way from me at the coast, very nice. I told her face to face our panel approval and bless she just burst into tears so happy for me and DH

Nm2b. X


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi frangipani,

I would keep going with your PAR and make as many amendments as it takes to ensure it correctly reflects you as a couple and is factually correct. You shouldn't worry at all about how it will be perceived (although I do appreciate it's easier for me to say this now, the 2nd time around)  
First time around our PAR (then called 'Form F') was on the whole very good and even then we had to submit many minor corrections, including the fact that I don't have 'blue' hair   .
This time around we are having a bit of a nightmare and I wont even begin to go into how many amendments, but we're talking huge sections too, not just little errors  .
I just want to say (with the benefit of hindsight now) that yes you should amend away, it's very important that it feels right for you and is totally correct.

As for 'Applicant number 1', it really doesn't matter either way as you are being assessed equally as a couple, I ended up as applicant number one on ours but that point has had no bearing on anything at all (either at that point or since then). 

We're still battling with our PAR so I feel your pain  , I hope you get to the end of it soon  

Anj x


----------



## Frangipanii

Super wonderful amazing ladies. So helpful thanks
I am going to correct away and not stress bout it! 
Done draft one of amendments and will double check it tomorrow before emailing it Tuesday morning! 
Anj when are u at panel? Exciting or nerve wracking second time around?
newmum2b.. I am so pleased you got to announce it! It is one of those moment s I am looking forward to!! 
Cheers Greeniebop
xxxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Fran, I would def amend it. I know it feels a bit awkward doing it, I felt the same. We were told to do it on our prep because they will be reading it at panel, the last thing you want is for them to be cheesed off in any way shape or form before they begin because is littered with mistakes .

When we had our matching report I was referred to with 3 diff names! One my own, one Caroline and one I can't remember...I was not amused :0


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Flash that is really bad!    Shocked....  

Frangi, yep, amend away!  We had very few amendments in terms of content, just a bit about pay and my brother's occupation.  I started making a lot of grammatical changes (being raised by a journo has rubbed off on me  )  But then I realised that panel won't care if a name doesn't have an apostrophe on, or if a sentence is missing a comma, it is about what is actually written, so I tried to calm down a bit    Some things I just had to tweak though, bit OCD like that  

I was also applicant one.  I think that is what we wrote on our official application as I filled it in and automatically started with myself... very self centred I know!!

Greenie, hope that this is the LO for you    It is more than your time  

Emma, Noodles and Flash, so excited for you all!!  Wow, you are so nearly there.  It must feel surreal, exciting, terrifying, amazing all at once!

Hope those with LOs home have enjoyed the long weekend.  Lovely to have some sunshine!

Well my maternal instinct kicked in yesterday when baby kitty escaped    She is due in for her op and chipping this week, then we plan to introduce her to her surroundings slowly, and try to get a collar with ID on her (easier said than done!)  But yesterday was the great escape, under the fence and into the woods behind.  We were calling her over the fence, saying 'treats' and all the best buzz words but nope, she was off.  So there was only one thing for it, I jumped the 6 foot fence.  In shorts.  With bare feet.  OMG the pain!!!!  Got our baby girl back but to the detriment of my right arm, legs and poor poor feet.  I look like I have been slashing myself!!  So stiff and definitely not one of my finest moments.  This lead DF to say 'oh s***, what are you going to be like when we have a child?!!!'    Mummy bear protects her cubs!!!!

Off for a long hot soak in the bath, happy BH Monday all


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad kitty is ok hun naughty little girl.  Love to all enjoy the extra day x


----------



## Macgyver

omg typed out a long message went to do a spell check and it lost it all   
Here we go again
Got news from the SW Sat, sadly they went with the other couple   .  Our SW said it was nothing we did (cant help feel we must have done something wrong).  SW is sending us profiles of more lo's next week for us to look at.  
Been trying to keep busy, cleaned out the spare room.  Cant believe how much junk we have accumleated over the years.   
Trying to look at it that things happen for a reason and that maybe the match was not meant to be, and out lo is out there just waiting for their mummy and daddy to come and get them.   
Well at least they will be able to get in their room now as its now free of junk.  
See looking on the bright side (Trying anyway)
I hope you all have a lovely bank holiday guys and will chat soon


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks x-lolly, fingers crossed. Hope little kitty behaves herself

Macgyver - sending lots of hugs your way. We have been there and it's not nice but I agree with you and I think that things happen for a reason....doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. We said yes to a LO after losing out on 2 others and then court date for PO was delayed, along with other issues and our SW sent some cryptic email about delays sometimes happening for a reason and allowing fate to play out and now we are being considered for another LO who we were really really keen on.

Had a bit of a wobble last week as lots of emails flying around form our prep course and everyone is getting matched and bringing their LOs home which is lovely to hear but feeling a bit left behind. One couple emailed to tell us all that they had met their LO and used the name and it was the LO that we were told we were chosen for and then given to another couple. Had a bit of a tear but pleased that LO has found it's perfect home. One things for sure though we won't be using name as you don't know who else has seen the profile and I'd hate for someone to be upset. 

Anyway, have a lovely bank holiday Monday x


----------



## MummyElf

So sorry to hear that mac, that must be hard and I'm certain it's not anything you've done or not done. Sucks all the same and I   you get linked with your LO soon. I do strongly believe that the right LOs end up with the right parents and when you meet your LO you'll think 'glad it's you, you're so right for us little one'. But it stings a lot when you're waiting. We kept seeing profiles that weren't right, we waited about 5 months to be linked, and even though I knew they weren't right the disappointment was still very strong. You just want your LO and for the waiting to stop.

Greenie - ouch!!!! I'm guessing it was a distinctive enough name for you to be sure it was the same LO. That is hard. We're aware that there was another couple who were potentials for our LO and like you say I'd be careful with names. People keep asking me our LO's name and I won't tell them until she is placed. My family know but I'm not telling anyone else. I said when we thought we might lose the link 'imagine if we are up against someone from prep'.  One do the adopters who sat in on our group to offer advice etc said this stage can be tricky as they were looking at the same children's profiles as friends from their group when they adopted and the friendship suddenly took a different turn.


----------



## Wyxie

So sorry to hear the potential match didn't work out Macgyver.  It's so hard not to get emotionally involved once you know about a child, you must be so disappointed.

As for us, I have finally let myself get excited about doing some shopping at last for Bladelet, and have made several purchases including ordering a buggy and getting myself a new Mum Bag, the old one has fallen apart.  The person I went shopping with was trying to persuade me to get something that looked very swish and like a giant patent leather handbag, but I thought my husband may object to carrying it around our local town.  

Also got some exciting things like a baby walker and cot mobile.  I've also got my daughter a pretty decent doll's buggy to give her when we meet Bladelet, as her old has fallen apart and I thought it may help if she had a new buggy to take her doll out in when I'm taking a new baby out in my big one.  Quite looking forward to seeing her face when she sees it.

Wyxling is doing well, although did drive me to screaming point one day last week with her mega controlling behaviour, but overall, doing well and we seem to be seeing some real improvements in her interaction with us.  

Sadly we're having real issues with my husband's family over current advice about what they should and shouldn't be doing with Wyxling, which is really upsetting for all involved.  It's causing some concern about the introductions as family will be involved with that because Wyxling can't be there all the time to start with.  

Nothing is ever simple.


----------



## MummyElf

That's great wyxie! So nice to hear that you are starting to get excited and buying things


----------



## Doofuz

Macgyver - I am so sorry the LO you went for went to the other couple, it just be so hard for you. There is one out there for you. 

Greeniebop - This is the bit of the whole process that I can say I have been 50/50 on excitement and apprehension. The waiting must be horrendous. Your time will come, as with everyone. Sounds so patronising but I guess its true as I have had it said to me countless to,es this weekend  

Lolly - I hope that was the last of the escapes! Next doors cat gets away to somewhere about once a week! I think its hormones, so young and all 

Frangi - We didn't have many amendments to make but we were prepared for it. I don't think 30 is too many if you don't think they are right, it's your PAR. 

NM2B - I hope you had a great time at the coast. Excellent BH weekend, a good one for it  

Anj - Good luck with your second approval panel and I hope your PAR gets sorted too. 

As for us, we are just home from 4 days in Somerset, celebrating our approval panel. Excellent weekend away, horse riding, cider, sunshine and great mates  Now back to reality and first shift of work after finishing Friday before last. Spent yesterday at the baby shop, just looking - that's a whole other thread  

Social worker was due to ring today regarding a profile but not heard the phone ring yet so have to work wondering if she'll ring when I'm out! 

Have a good evening everyone and I hope that everyone has had a good day, whatever you have been up to


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Macgyver was sorry to hear your news. Hopefully you will get a new match soon  . Greeniebop also hoping your time is also soon  . Fx for you ladies.

Awww Wyxie glad to hear its all going well. An exciting time now waiting to get Bladelet home   

Doofuz glad to hear you had a good break away. Think its the secret to keeping sane in this process. DH and I are looking forward to our hols in France in August. We only went to Spain at Easter but craving our European culture has meant that France is looking so inviting. 

Frangi good luck with getting the PAR sorted. I think its important to you and that 30 amendments is reasonable, you have to have it reflect you at the end of the day at panel. You need to feel it does you justice at panel.

Anj good luck at upcoming panel.

To all those waiting for LOs to come home following intros - hope it all goes swimmingly and good luck to everyone being assessed or awaiting matching panel. 

AFU - still waiting for news  . Feel like we are in limbo until we know yay or nay because social worker wouldn't commit herself as Manager has to check all applications before they say yes. We do know that if approved it is a September prep course for us allegedly well that's the next one she thought was available. Went to a Clairvoyant evening last night and got to "talk" to my Mum who is in spirit which was lovely. Turns out she is proud of me which I guess I know deep down and she does see that I am a 24/7 kind of person, telling me to slow down which I am trying to heed in light of all our decisions to adopt. Sometimes its easier said than done  

Hugs to all xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## newmum

Hi all

Mac sorry to hear that this wasn't your LO must be so hard, I think this competitive matching is really cruel. I am sure your LO is waiting for you and you will get your match very soon.

Wyxie I am glad things are going well for you and won't be long till Bladelet is home. Hope you've managed to get things sorted with the in laws.

Doofuz thanks yes had a lovely BH good times in the sun with my best buddy and her children. Has your SW rang yet? Any news at all? That's very fast your SW has information regarding a profile, very soon after your approval panel, brilliant!!! 

Brummiemil, I am sure the SW will say yes and you will be on September prep course. That's lovely that you got to "talk" to your Mum and she's proud of you. I am sorry you've lost your Mum and I hope it's reassuring being able to "talk" to her. Roll on September 

Frangipani how have you got on with your PAR? Panel must be soon? 

AFU... We had the official yes from the ADM     so now I hope SW hurries up with some profiles for us. She's on holiday at the moment and only works part time so hope this doesn't slow her down. I spoke to her manager and myself and DH felt so happy with all the amazing things he was saying about us! It was so surreal and I feel like pinching myself. 
We have told DH sons and they are so excited and looking forward, which is lovely. So now the waiting begins for LO........

Good luck to everyone wherever you are on your journeys

Nm2b x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwww thanks NM2B   its good coming on here because you guys are so supportive and reassuring. Thank you so much for your kind words   Post came today still no letter. But hoping it will be in next day or two. If it doesn't come by Monday I am debating whether or not to phone up and enquire as it will be over the advised 2 weeks by then. Just been to put flowers on my Mum's grave. We lost her almost nine years ago to breast cancer. I miss her everyday but I know she is with me and that makes me feel special. 

Good luck on your journey to finding little one hun. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

brummie, the waiting can be so hard, really hope you hear soon. Sure it'll be good news and then September prep here you come   I'm sure your mum loved her flowers hun, it must be very very difficult without her, especially now, but I'm sure she has taught you well and that will make you a fab mummy  

Newmum, snap!!! We also got our official yes letter today   pride of place on the fridge   although your panel was a week after ours so credit to your agency! Lovely that the boys are so excited!!

Fran, how are you getting on with par? Hope things are ticking along nicely. Nearly there now  

Gwyn, soooo close to prep now, majorly excited for you!! I just know once you get going there'll be no stopping you!!  

Doofuz, did SW ever phone? Amazing to have a profile already  

How is everyone else? We have a few soon to be mummies, this thread will come alive (even more than usual!) soon enough


----------



## newmum

Aw your welcome Brummie any time, yeah why not phone if you don't hear by Monday, I think I would. And your Mum would be very proud if you.

Lolly I haven't had any letter yet, SW told me to call up and speak to her manager who was having a meeting with the ADM. It was like a verbal stamp of approval by ADM. You know what I hadn't thought we may get a letter so will be looking out for that and like yours it will take pride of place on the fridge.

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh I see   haha, oops!! I think you should get written confirmation too, just to make certain you are going to be a MUMMY


----------



## Flash123

we also had our decision ratified yesterday - at last we are legal, good job really as we are meeting lo tomorrow!!! 

I am absolutely pooping myself. I have tried reading back to Poppets Mum, Cant wait and skyblu to see if any of them felt the same but i cant seem to find the relevant pages. I have such a variety of emotions flooding my mind i don't know what to say or do. In an attempt to occupy myself and make the day go faster I have cleaned the house to within an inch of its life and have even tried ironing...things must be bad   

P.S. we never had any letter of confirmation for either panel - both were verbal ratifications


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I started a new topic on that very subject, but I think it scared people off a bit.  I too ( even before MP ) am so nervous about intros, and bringing LO home, scared he won't settle, will be scared and upsets.. etc etc..  I can only think it must be normal but would be great to hear how others felt and what the reality was by comparison.  

Am sure it will go great and really can't wait to hear you reporting back!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow....such a momentous day. So happy for you. X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Ooooh have an amazing day flash!!!!! And step away from the ironing


----------



## newmum

Flash I can only imagine how you must be feeling, full of nerves, excitement, anticipation, sick, happy, relieved, plus much much more, a whole bag of emotions. Wishing you all the very best x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh Flash it must be so many emotions flooding your mind. Have an amazing day tomorrow x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Have a fabtastic day tomorrow Flash and relish every moment - you will be great  

Lolly - aww thank you huni. I can't tell you how much yours, Anj's and everyone's support makes this waiting game so much more tolerable.

Hugs to all xx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Flash its fine hun. You have waited so long for this day.
We were petrified about spending so much time in someone elses house and them watching us with bubba.  We arrived at fc and Ifelt so sick he gave me a hug aand said it will all be ok mummy. We are now really good friends with them and it really wasn't that awful. It was incredibly exhausting in a way I have never felt since. My face ached from smiling. Try and get as much rest as u can.
Home day was the biggest twist of emotions.  We were 2 days ahead of plan so the whole coming home thing was choas. We had meeting with all sws at 1030 all agreed she could come home but bubba sw couldn't be there to do it till 4 so we had to spend a whole day with a very upset fc who understandably just wanted us gone, his wife had to go back to work but came back and by then their children were home from school.  It was a horrible time and we both felt like we were taking her from them BUT it was also amazing.

Just take 1 day at a time don't set your aims to high and just enjoy it

Hope that helped I haven't looked on here for ages don't know why I did tonight.

Congratulations to everyone xx


----------



## Sq9

Have a fantastic day tomorrow flash. Sooo exciting but nerve wrecking at the same time


----------



## MummyElf

Flash - good luck for tomorrow!! Hope it goes brilliantly! X


----------



## Doofuz

Flash, all the best for tomorrow. How exciting for you, and understandable that you are nervous too. Looking forward to your update =)


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Flash - Had to reply to you. I was totally bricking it, was worried about lots of different things in the 2 weeks leading up to introductions. It sounds silly but from really superficial things like 'what if she's ugly' - I know that sounds terrible but bare in mind we met BM 2 days before introductions and well she was no oil painting to put it nicely and I could see poppet in her and vise versa. I was scared I wouldn't bond with her if I thought she was strange looking   but really I think my concern was  'what if she looks nothing like her photos and I don't recognise her as the LO we've been thinking of for months' if that makes any sense. She looked different in all her photos and the most up to date one was 6months old so I had an image in my head of how she would look and I was worried that image would be shattered and I'd find that difficult. The moment we saw her I was so over whelmed, she looked slightly different to how I had imagined as she was 6 months older than the photos we had but I recognised her and Oh my what a sight for sore eyes she was, all shy but smiling excitably. 
Then more serious worries like 'Are we doing the right thing? Can I/we cope? Can I love her? Will her personality match ours? Will she be a total terror  ? Will she be scared of the dogs? How will she adapt to the move? Etc etc. It's a very scary and overwhelming time, I think that's normal, it would be abnormal if you were just purely excited as I feel that would be unrealistic. Introductions are tough and getting them settled at home is tough but it gets easier each day. If we have a 'bad day' where by she's being naughty or upset by something I look back at how far we've come in the past 11weeks and what a huge adaptation and improvement there's been for all of us. Our LO is on the whole very settled and happy but odd things trigger her. I think the problem we have now is she is starting to forget life before Mammy and Daddy and she gets emotions triggered by memories she no longer has which confuses her and she gets upset/angry. I don't think I had really prepared myself for that but I don't think in all honesty you can. I knew it would be no easy sailing, I was ready for sleepless nights and upset especially at first but the reality of it is different to what you expect and I naively thought I'd be able to 'fix things' for her and make the pain go away but you can't, you just have to be there for them and make it as easy as possible. I'm totally rambling on now so I'll rap this up (hope it was of some help).
Enjoy meeting LO, your life will never be the same again but it's not worse it's just different and gets better and better. Be easy on yourself, I continue to over analyse every little thing and DH keeps telling me I'll never be a super mam as that's impossible and I should give myself a break. You'll make mistakes no doubt but you'll realise them and work through it, I think all parents get it wrong from time to time and we are really thrown in the deep end when adopting. Support each other and talk talk talk, vent to us, there's no judgement on here and we will support where possible. 

I'm rambling again   Please give us updates. I'm sure it will be a day you never forget. Enjoy every min and take lots of photos so you can stare at them as soon as you leave FC house   xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Have an amazing day tomorrow Flash


----------



## gettina

Hope you sleep ok flash and tomorrow will be here and you will be stuck in and too busy to worry any more.  

11 weeks poppet's mammy! Wow!

Sorry about the non match McGyver. That's so tough.

Hello to everyone. 

We are doing research ahead of the hs session about what 'kind' of child we feel we could cope with and I feel like I'm grieving 'how it was meant to be...with a bc' all over again as I wrestle with sadness about the children with preventable but now life long problems.....and apprehension about what it means for me and my future.
Sigh. Have found the process so positive but this is a low week. 

Which is a nice point to say how lovely it is to hear from the happy mummies!  

Gettina x


----------



## Flash123

Ladies, thank you all so much. When we did our Eco map I put this site as a mode of support but I honestly never thought I would need you as soon and as deeply as I have tonight. I'll be honest, I have drempt of this for so long but I am so overwhelmed by it all. Your words have brought a lot of comfort and reassurance - thank you again.

And Poppets mammy 11 weeks!!!!! My god how time has flown. That's why I couldn't find the posts, I thought it was about 6 weeks ago!!!! You have summed up exactly how I feel. Will I recognise him, will I like his smell, will I heave when he's sick or when I change his poopy nappy I never see bm's heaving, is that because they can't smell their child's like you can't smell your own. These are all daft and totally irrational I know but I can't get them out of my head. 
Thank you all again, will let you know how it goes xxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Flash have a fab day tomorrow, lots of luck and   xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thinking of you tomorrow flash. 

Big hugs xxxxxxxx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Flash omg there will be times when your stomach turns inside out lovely but u really do just get used to it. We are almost 18 months in and every single day is different.  As someone said earlier please don't try to be supermum because the fall is hard.
Mummy hood is a whole new world of wonders smells and very strange things but it is also the most amazing rewarding thing ever. I laugh every single day like I have never laughed before. It is hard but it is amazing.


----------



## Flash123

Aaa thanks xx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Your welcome. Just hit each other over head tonight to get a good sleep lol. Its an amazingly bizarre exhausting day


----------



## skyblu

Oh Flash, I have to echo most of what Poppets mummy has said as our lo's were so similar.
I was very much pooping myself as we knew that FC were very attached to lo and didn't really want to let her go.
Being in their house was also nerve recking and could feel the resentment towards us but after the first day things were a lot better. But as you may remember I came on here 2 days before lo was due to come home, panicking wether we were doing the right thing. I was so tired, it was that time of month, and I suffer badly with endo, so that was bad timing. But after coming on here and pouring my heart out I realised I was quite normal and the relive was immense. I had an early night and the next day I felt I could take on the world.  

The first day is full of nerves and excitement, the only sound advice I can give you is have an early night and try to sleep because you are going to need it as the early mornings, late nights and traveling really do take it out of you and that is with out the lo who is going to be climbing all over you and asking for loads of attention, well that how it was for us. 

Have a great day tomorrow and take loads of photos as they change so so so quick.
You will be  fine and you are going to be a MUMMY. 


AFU - A little update.

Our lo amazes us every single day, she has a memory like a sponge and gives so much love and effection it is unreal.
She has settled so well into nursery and now we are on half term she goes into her draw and pulls out her school jumper and says "school today mummy?" It is so hard to believe she has only just turned two!! She had her school/nursery photos last week and I couldn't believe how much she has changed, my little girl is growing up so fast 
She has settled in well, we are now sleeping all night, given up the bottle and started nursery in all of 11 weeks. We are going to try potty training tomorrow as she seems to want to try and knows when she is doing her wees and stuff, she uses the potty every evening before her bath and every morning before getting dressed and occasionally she will ask for potty when I change a nappy , so I am assuming that she may be ready. I don't want to push her as she has allready had so many changes and has done so well.

Today we went to a soft ball centre and this was the place we first saw her before we met her(a sighting meeting, not all La's do it but ours are the first LA to try it, but I wouldn't recommend it). As soon as I pulled up she said her foster fathers name, and this threw me as it is the first time she has ever mentioned any of her FC's. I ignored it and thankfully nothing else was said about either fc, it just threw me that remembered something that happened 4 months ago!!
She had a fantastic day, and when we got in the car she said " mine(that is what she calls herself, she wont say her name for some reason) good fun, more back soon" bless her, I think she was trying to say " I have had a great day and can we come back soon.
She has settled in so well it is as if she has allways been here, but I am afraid things are going to go pear shaped soon 
Lo is seeing her sisters next week and they are coming to the house,so they can see where she lives and see that she is safe.
I have no problem at all with her seeing her siblings at all but one of the sisters thinks that we are also going to be her mummy and daddy and no matter how many times she is told no that we are lo's mummy and daddy and that she will have her own mammy and daddy soon, she just doesn't seem to under stand and I am worried this is going to have a huge effect on her.
Her Therapist insists that as soon as she has seen lo at her new home she will except it  I am not so sure, also how is this going to effect our lo with her siblings coming to the house? Any one else been through anything similar. I just feel this may set our lo back to square one. I know they need to see each other and I am 100% for that but I think it should be somewhere neutral.
  
Any way I have rambled for too much, but good luck tomorrow Flash and don't worry for any wobbles we are all here for you when you need us and please keep us updated with your precious one.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## snapdragon

skyblu: I've never heard of siblings coming to the house. I must admit if it were me I would probably have said no I want the meeting to be in a neutral place. Bit worried about the affect on the siblings, especially ones who think you are going to be their mum and dad. Will they be pleased to see lo is safe or will they feel jealous.


----------



## GERTIE179

Just a quickie skyblu - I would ask for neutral if poss. Could siblings come to your house but you go out straight away to a park or something? Or if neutral meet place then can you and LO take along pics if your house, her room etc?

We met with Foster family and the boys wanted to visit our house. We felt it would hinder our LO so agreed we would do as above re pictures. Their dad also pointed out where we live as they pass it on way to other relatives so they know whereabouts just not being in Los home.
X


----------



## skyblu

I totally agree, but Therapist thinks it would help the sibling that is struggling to see lo's house/bedroom ect and thinks that this would help her realise that this our lo's new house and she lives in xyz. I think it is going to be a total disaster. Our lo wont even look at the photos of her siblings anymore and keeps on saying, gone gone gone  To begin with she was happy to look at them but now she wont, so god knows how this is going to play out. They are only going to be at the house for hour and then they are going home. I don't think it is long enough, I think it should be , if they have too, come to the house for 10 min's and then we go on to a park or a play centre for an hour or 2., where they can run about and let off some steam.
If I had my own way It would be somewhere neutral and maybe on the second or third visit they came to the house, once we know how each child reacts.

But hey who am I, SW 's seem to still rule the roost,.  Our SW is coming tomorrow so hopfully we can maybe change this plan.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Flash123

thanks for the post sky. its so reassuring to kniw these feelings are natural and normal. its currently 3.15. my idea of an early night worked...just didn't anticipate such an early morning lol. am currently drinking a combination of mint tea and gaviscon in an attempt to stop the pain I get when I take my pain killers...daft I know!!  also have the joys of my af to deal with and my endo is playing up (amazing how stress effects it)
I totally empathise with your feelings towards the visit. I would feel exactly the same. I hope you get some joy with your sw. xx

its so lovely reading peoples updates. it reminds u of the pot of gold that is waiting at the end of this rainbow xxx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Today your pot of gold is waiting for u    enjoy x


----------



## Belliboo

Flash enjoy your special day today xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Flash sending loads of hugs and positive thoughts for your amazing day x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Have a fantastic wonderful day Flash!!! Xxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Enjoy every minute!  This is your family day so don't let anything spoil it.  Really hope your pills work xxx


----------



## happypenguin

Have an amazing day, Flash. 
I just want to say that you will be the point of reference for lots of us when we get to your stage - we'll feel all of the same emotions and fears and we'll want to refer back to your posts to see how amazingly well you coped. Thank you so much for your open posts and for everyone else that has replied to support Flash - you have no idea what strength it gives to the rest of us that are a little further behind.

THANK YOU


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies,
I would love to join this thread if that's ok? I have been lurking for a while and it's been great to read all your stories and updates while my DH and I have been deciding what to do. 
I have just done two practically back to back cycles of IVF - both BFN. We have discussed egg donation etc but have decided we really want to adopt so adoption here we come - hopefully!

I know I have to wait 6 months after IVF so that's why we have not rushed into anything but I am just itching to get going - especially after reading this thread. I am going to make my initial call to LA today! 

Is there anyone else on this thread who is just starting out? 

Nice to meet you all and good luck today Flash xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Welcome lorella. I think there are a few on here just starting out or at early stages. This is such an amazingly supportive thread and whatever your question there will always be someone on here to offer advice and words of wisdom. Good luck Hun x


----------



## happypenguin

Hi Lorella,

I'm around 2 months into our adoption journey (that's from  my initial phone call) and my goodness, it's moved very fast so far!! 

Welcome to the boards - I lurk because I haven't quite found my feet and don't have a great deal to contribute just now but I'm certain that will change soon


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Have an amazing day Flash, can't wait to read your updates so excited for you.

We have visit with LOs SW and our SW next week so the plan was to spend this week spring cleaning but instead I have been struck down with the evil stomach bug but its been great for weight loss we are really hoping we are the right match for this LO. There is one issue that needs clarification but hopefully all will be good. What should we expect from visit? We are going to sit down this weekend with CPR and write a list of questions that we have. Was going to get in some nice biscuits. It feels like our initial visit all over again!! Hope everyone is well. Lots of fab news on here at the moment and as was said previously, this thread is going to explode with positive news this summer x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Well come Lorella good luck with your phone call. Look if any agencies near you do open evenings it's a really good way to get a feel for the SW's and their approach. 

Greenie have everything crossed for a great meeting


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Greenie, I'm frantically cleaning as we also have our SW and Bluebird's new SW coming to visit today.  Have just sent the dogs out with the dog walker so I can clean the floors! lol    They aren't coming to judge, we've already had the SW yes from the matching meeting but still... Dog hair everywhere!! 

Hope you feel better soon x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck auntiekatie and thanks gwyneth. 
Just ventured out to buy some plants for the garden. Feel like I've run a marathon as exhausted as I was out bumped into a couple from our prep course out and about with their new family and they looked so happy if a little tired It was amazing to see them and was a good reminder that our happy ever afters are out there for all of us


----------



## oliver222

Hope you have an amazing day today Flash.


----------



## Jacks girl

Greeniebop hope you feel better soon. Flash - looking forward to hearing how much you have enjoyed your first day   xx


----------



## Wyxie

I didn't read this thread for a couple of days and five pages of posts - wow.

Flash, I hope you have an amazing day.  It's such a jumble of emotions and complete panic is definitely one of them!

Slyblu, you do have a say.  You could tell them you understand they want to help the older child, but you need to think of your child, and feel that having her siblings in her new home this soon will be too confusing.  We refused a meeting that Social Services wanted us to have about 8-10 weeks into placement that was completely inappropriate for Wyxling, they grumbled, but I stood my ground, our SW and her Manager backed us up completely, and nothing came of it.  It's not like you're trying to stop her seeing them, just move the venue.  Ultimately you have control over who comes in your house.  Social Services can huff and puff, but would they really remove a little one who appears to be settling well, just because you insisted a venue for contact was inappropriate?  Your SW should be able to talk to them about this for you.

Lorella, welcome.

As for us, we had the Celebration Hearing yesterday and a lovely day, although it was awkward at times as the in-laws are unhappy despite their best efforts to hide it for which I am grateful, and my parents are incredibly forgetful and kept doing inappropriate things.  Wyxling did incredibly well in circumstances she finds quite difficult, lots of people, new places, disrupted mealtimes etc and seemed to have a nice day.  All done and dusted and completely ours.

Now for panel next week for no 2.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Hoorah Wyxie, glad you had a good day, despite the little hiccups xx


----------



## Wyxie

Thanks, I think the best thing of all was that after all that excitement and disruption yesterday, and lots of family here, Wyxling enjoyed yesterday, and had an OK day today.  Normally I would expect major fall out after something like that.  She was agitated at times, but slept really well last night and at lunch time (she still has a very long nap) and no kick offs.  We did some nice things together and had a really good swim this afternoon.


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Wxyie - I'm so glad you had a nice day and family made the effort to put a face on. X


----------



## Flash123

I'm so sorry its taken me long to update but I came home and fell straight to sleep - DH says I need to make the most of it because looking at lo we wont be sleeping much in the next 18 years!!!

OMG - what an amazing day. I can totally understand how people who have met their lo's say you cannot put it into words because no words could do justice. When we arrived at fc house, we walked into the front room and he was laying on the floor. His fc said "look who's here, its mummy and daddy"  and he lifted his arms for us to pick him up and that was it - love at first sight. He has laughed, girggled, chuckled and chortled all day. He is wicked, funny, nosey and utterly beautiful. We have been scrammed, bitten had our hair pulled, our noses pulled - all with the most delightful smile on his face. He is just a wicked typical 8 month old who wants everything he sees and tries to put 'everything' in his mouth. We are exhausted and it is only day 1 lol.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined today would be so wonderful. So please, those of you waiting for your matches to find you or those of you who are going through tough times , hang on in there because it is worth every tear you will ever shed.

Off to bed again now - early start in the morn. Night Night XXX


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

What a lovely post flash. So pleased you had such an amazing day. Rest up ready for tomorrow's fun x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awwww Flash it sounds magical,  I'm choked up and so very happy for you


----------



## newmum

That's such a nice post to read Flash, especially after how you said you felt yesterday.. What a difference a day makes!! Like the song goes   have a restful sleep night night x


----------



## gettina

Woohoo flash! Fabulous to read how amazing your day was.  

And wyxie that's so great that she has done well both yesterday and today. Progress! Congratulations on a happy day.

I hope all went swimmingly with the SWer collective gathering at your place auntiekatie! 

Wonderful to read your update skyblu.

My fingers are crossed for you next week greenie.

Hey lorella 
Gettina

X


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Wonderful Flash, so very, very happy for you  

Hi Lorella, welcome to the madhouse!  

Wyxie, so pleased you've had a good couple of days!! 

AFU, we had a nice meeting today with our SW & Bluebird's new SW.  We showed our SW the stuff we'd bought, she's almost as excited as us and said 'hell, why not' as far as she's concerned Panel have NO reason not to approve the match.  We will meet FC after Panel but before DM's final sayso on the placement and then we will have our draft plan sent before Planning Meeting on 27th June, the same day that we meet LO.

Initial plan is that we begin Intros on Thurs 27th June with a view to LO coming home on Monday 8 July!! But plan B is he comes home on Thursday 11 July (my dad's birthday...   ) we will just be lead by him.  He's been with his FC a long time, it's going to be so much for him to process..  

Praying intros go well... but first praying Panel don't find some daft reason to say no!  

So, we went to B&Q, bought a lime green light shade, lime green paint for a feature wall and a glowing green frog night light... along with filler and sandpaper, decorating must begin in earnest as we need to make our intro DVD before panel next week!!


----------



## Sq9

Sounds like you've had an amazing day flash. Fabulous!
Congratulations wyxie - sounds like wyxling is doing brilliantly thanks to all your hard work and perseverance and having the adoption order must be an amazing feeling.
Welcome lorella.
Hope everyone else is doing ok


----------



## skyblu

Flash, so very pleased today went really well for you. It is lovely feeling isn't it 
Hope you have good nights sleep tonight.

Auntiekate, roll on 8th July so you can bring your little boy home.

Wyxlie, so pleased you all had a great day yesterday and lo coped so well with it all.

AFU, Thank you all who responded to my post last night.
We spoke to our SW today and have clearly told her that the meeting of the siblings will 
not happen at our house as we don't think it is appropriate at that is time.
So it is now agreed that we will meet somewhere neutral and if all is going well and the sibling who is struggling a litthe
bit and can sometimes cling on to me, then maybe they can call in for 10 mins for them to see the house and lo's room.
This will all depend on how lo copes with the meeting, if she is struggling then it won't happen
until she is ready. She is our number one and all will depend on her.
Don't think SW was happy, but tough our lo comes first.

Skyblu.xxx


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## skyblu

Sorry Flash, I am on my tablet and I was supposed to send you a smiley face not a miserable one. 


Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Lorella

Thanks for the lovely welcome ladies. 
Flash - so lovely to read your post. Am pleased the day went so well 😊 
To all the other ladies who have had successful days/visits - I am so pleased for you. I will try to keep up and catch up with where people are. 

I made my initial call. We are now in the system and we are booked on information evening on June 19th. So excited but nervous.

Xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Wonderful to hear things went well today Flash.


----------



## newmum

Good for you sky blu , standing your ground

Welcome lorella and congratulations on your initial call, roll on 19th 

Auntie Katie things seem to be going good for you, I can't wait to sort out LO room but need to find a match first. I am so tempted to buy odd bits and bobs but without knowing age, sex etc i can't really. Intros on 27th woop woop  

Wyxie congrats on your celebration hearing sounds like you all had a good day. Does everyone have a celebration hearing or is that personal? Sorry for the ignorance! Things have changed so much since I was adopted

Hi all

Nm2b x


----------



## oliver222

congrats flash, glad today went so well.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Amazing flash sooooooo happy for you honey xxxxxx


----------



## liveinhope

Yes everyone has a celebration hearing but its up to each individual family how they celebrate!  We took lots of us to court, followed by a family meal and then tea/cakes at our house later for other friends to come.  We made a day of it but that wouldnt be appropriate for everyone.

Great news on here at the moment, lots of love to everyone.

AFM - wish us luck as we have written to SW for DS's little brother we were turned down for to ask for an update and say we continue to be interested if they would reconsider us as adopters.  Now we wait......


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations Flash Sounds magical x x x


----------



## newmum

Thanks live in hope x


----------



## GERTIE179

Well done skyblu - it's hard initially pushing back to SWs but ultimately HS tests your tenacity and they want us adopters to advocate for our children. When we do advocate its not always appreciated lol but your little girl is your first priority and you are still showing support for her siblings and their needs. X

LIH - ooo fingers crossed for you. Sometimes I think SSs need consolidated into one agency across the country to stop money being at the root of decisions (if that's an under currant of why they made this ludicrous decision). Soo annoyed on your behalf.

X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Gosh so much amazing happiness whopppppp for you all x x x


----------



## Sq9

Nm2b - the court hearing is in 2 parts. Birth parents are told of the first one and they are entitled to attend.  For obvious reasons adopters don't attend that hearing but that is when the court will be asked to make the order.  The hearing for the adopters and the child is then a few weeks later after the time birth parents can appeal has lapsed and is classed as the celebration hearing as the order will already have been made.  In the good old days there was only 1 hearing which birth parents weren't entitled to know about so adopters were actually there when the order was made, but the legislation was changed and whoever wrote it didn't seem to realise the new rules would mean you could have birth parents, adopters and the child all turning up for the hearing which is clearly not appropriate, hence the 2 separate hearings. All a but bonkers but that is the way it is!


----------



## GERTIE179

Just to add that in Scotland there is no Celebration hearing


----------



## newmum

Thankful sq9 and Gertie

Reading your post SQ9 reminded me off what was said on our prep group, so will go back to my notes and have a re read 
Thanks for your help 

Nm2b x


----------



## Wyxie

newmum2b said:


> Wyxie congrats on your celebration hearing sounds like you all had a good day. Does everyone have a celebration hearing or is that personal? Sorry for the ignorance! Things have changed so much since I was adopted


In England and Wales, yes, things are a bit different in Scotland. There's a hearing where the AO is granted, but the birth parents have the right to attend so it wouldn't be appropriate for adopters and children to go. They have a separate hearing afterwards, normally by the Judge or Magistrates that heard the care case for removal of child from birth parents, and they're generally very nice short ceremonies, and I think a good opportunity for family to get together and celebrate new additions once the children have had some time to settle into their families. Nothing legal takes place, it's just a nice ending to the process.

The Judges normally let the kids wear their wig and sit in the "big" chair and make it quite fun for them. The Judge that did ours put the wigs on me and Hubby and Wyxling thought it was hysterical. There's often a little present or some sweets.

Liveinhope, I really hope that the SW will reconsider placing with you.

Wyxie xx


----------



## newmum

Great thanks Wyxie, I will be dreaming off that day


----------



## buzzybee123

Hi Ladies

I hope you don't mind me dropping in, my husband and I have been looking into adoption so I hope you don't mind if I lurk a little


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## crazyspaniel

Happy lurking buzzybee


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Lurk away and ask any questions everyone is lovely x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone, thought I'd give a brief update (as if I can do brief  )

Poppets doing great 😍 She's growing so quick, DH and I were looking at photos from intro's and it seemed like we were looking at a different child and that it was a life time ago, it was only 12 weeks ago! I honestly honestly feel like she's always been here, I sometimes forget she's not actually 'ours' if you know what I mean. We have our 3 month review next week and the thought makes me feel uneasy, I haven't minded the fortnightly visits but the review just seems so formal and unnecessary. I know it's a requirement and we'll continue to keep jumping through hoops until that court order is finalised, just wished we didn't have to. 
We've had lots of big steps forward, the few odd set back from time to time but overall she's doing great and very happy. The oddest things get her mind ticking and set her off, for example last week she wore a top she hadn't worn since living here, therefore hasn't been washed here, and therefore smelt on FC washing powder. I noticed the smell straight away (it's a nice smell) and though Oh O here we go, didn't let on to her but straight away she was bothered by it, don't think she knew why but it was unsettling to her. By lunch time she had managed to spill juice down (the slightest splash) and demanded it was off. She was immediately more relaxed when she had a different top off. It's mainly things like that at the min. 
She's showing signs of starting to form a positive attachment with both DH and I, it's still an insecure one at the min (in my opinion, I'm no expert) but there's signs of it becoming more positive and secure. 
We had a big family party last bank holiday (no occasion, just for the crack) bouncy castle and garden games for the kids etc and she had a great time. Was shy and clingy at first as totally over whelmed by the volume of people in Nana's house and she was obviously piecing everything together as she had met most ppl previously but don't think she realised that all these ppl knew each other and were related, bless her, her little mind must of just been exploding. Lost of reassurance and the odd quiet cuddle and chat with mammy in an empty room and she was ready to mingle and play. Was such a good day, have dreamt of such a day for many years. Was great seeing all the kids playing together  
We are off on holiday in UK the week after next, we all can't wait, she asks us every day if we are going yet, haha. DH is out with a friend tonight having some time to himself, first time he's been out the house past her bedtime and I've managed to do the whole routine and settle her in bed myself without any real upset over where Daddy is, just a few questions double checking he's coming home. That might not sound like a big achievement but it really is, very pleased she settled with just me in the house.
Bedtimes have improved significantly, she very rarely misbehaves at bedtime now, sometimes it takes her a while to settle down and sleep, especially if she's thinking about something and can't sleep straight away, but other times she's in bed asleep within minutes. She mainly fannies around getting the pillow and blanky just how she likes it and choosing a teddy to tuck in with her (which is very cute and funny to watch). She's slept through every night pretty much from 19:30 - 08:00 for the past 2 weeks - wohooooo. Once we got to the bottom of the whole poorly rabbit worry she had she started sleeping better, then we bought her a Gro Clock (if you don't know what it is google it and I recommend it 100%) and as if by magic she's sleeping through. She loves saying goodnight to Mr Sun and loves the idea that Mr Star watched over her while she sleeps. We've started telling her that we check on her every night before we go to bed ourselves and she thinks that's the best thing since sliced bread, tee hee. 'My Mammy check me once I'm asleep' = cue huge smile and excited giggle   
We've been going to a local play group session every week for the past 5 weeks and she's been quite reserved and a little insecure and clingy at times, this week she came alive and was running around squeeling with the other kids, it was just a beautiful sight to see 😊
We've really just only now fully adapted to the life change that comes with these LO's moving in. It's hard graft and totally exhausting at times and can be difficult to get used to them being here 24/7. It's amazing having her here but honestly there's times where you feel they've sort of invaded your house and just dominated your life and they do but you change your way of thinking and get used to it. I found the adaption harder then I thought I would, I was so desperate to be a mammy and felt I had fully prepared myself for it and I was totally ready. But the reality when a little person comes to live in your own home that you've made with your other half and it's been just the two of you (+pets) for some time it really is a shock to the system  
But all is well in Poppets home (especially when she's asleep  ) we are all doing great and are very happy together. I read every day and I'm often thinking of you all I'm just finding it hard to get the time to post and just hope my posts aren't boring now as I ramble on proudly. There's so much happening at the min, good luck to those awaiting potential matches and panels etc and best wishes to all posters and lurkers  

Poppets Mammy
Xx


----------



## Wyxie

Lovely to hear things are still going so well, it sounds like you and she are doing wonderfully well.  

Re smells: I'm worrying about this a little with Bladelet.  With Wyxling I just used everything her f/c did, in fact everything I could keep the same I did, although it was hard with Wyxling in some ways as we never really got any idea of her routine, if she had one tbh, or much of her stuff.  I tried to keep her in familiar clothes but she didn't come with much so that didn't last long.  But, having been given a list of all the things Bladelet's SW uses in terms of bath, washing etc, I am going to have to change it, as it's all really strong detergents and Wyxling and I both have eczema and it will cause both of us huge problems.  It it was just one baby I'd probably just deal with it but there's no way I can wash all one child's things separately and baths etc will need to be together.  Even if I tried to do them separately and keep things the same it would make my eczema flare up and my hands bleed quite badly when they split, which massively distresses Wyxling.  So, resigned myself to short of washing his bedding in what he's used to prior to him using it first time, everything else is going to have to change.  I'm just hoping that Bladelet will have enough familiar stuff coming with him that I can keep enough the same not to distress him too much but with babies I think smell is so important.

I need to get his bunny out and put it in bed with me tonight, but hide it from Wyxling because if she sees it in my bed and thinks it's mine, she'll be off with it before I can blink!  When we had Wyxling placed I slept with her teddy for about a week before we sent it, and put some of the cream I normally use on the pads of the paws.  She loves it.  I never really used any cosmetics at all for a while after placement, but when I did use that and she smelled it, she loved it.  We use it all the time now on our hands, I do hers, she does mine, think I might do the same again for Bladelet.

Oh god, so much to do, I am pretty much panicking by now really.  I just thought to myself if I focussed on Wyxling and making the most of our time alone together it would make the long wait for Bladelet easier.  To be fair, it did, a bit too well to be honest because I really lost track of time and I have so very much to do in the next couple of weeks it's scary!


----------



## Frangipanii

Sorry just a quick one.... Anyone not had all work references back for panel. We have a few outstanding and panel might be delayed,  one is from over 14 years ago ans the other a place I worked six months! X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Raise it with the agency. I asked about this at our open evening. The Head of Service told me they would write to every employer I ever had because I work with children and always have. I asked about none return / issues contacting older employers he said if they didn't respond in a reasonable time frame then no news is considered no bad news (ie if they were concerned they would respond.) As long as a good number reply and recent ones do it no problem. Like you I have some people I worked for for just 6 months now the best part of 10 years ago. I doubt they'd remember me to be honest - I'm not that special. Perhaps raise this with them.   Good luck x x x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks Gwyneth , I keep telling them things like that and that the managements of places have even changed! And they say we'll they should still have a staff record! I have loads of recent references all positive of course! Just seems silly to me!!! Speaking to sw on Monday but it's very annoying! :| 
x x x x


----------



## snapdragon

I agree you need to chase up the agency about the references. Its possible as one is so long ago and one for such a short time that they will never reply. In which case whats the point delaying panel. We found out the week of panel that my husband's boss hadn't done his reference and when he finally did he posted it 2 days before panel second class. We had to get him to redo it and fax it. Can you contact the old employers yourself? Check the agency have sent a reminder stating they are needed by such a date.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good evening!

Long time no post...sorry! Life is hectic, but wonderful  

10 pages to catch up on, lots happening!

Flash - loved your post, you are a mummy! Reading it brought back memories, our intros seem like a lifetime ago now. Enjoy the rest of intros, if youre anything like me you will just want him home now, but he will be home before you know it!!!! Sleep lots in themeantime! 

Greenie - everything crossed for you, I hope this is your LO  

Wyx -:congratulations on the celebration hearing!

LIH - I hope yours lo's brothers sw changes his/mind!!!! Good luck x

Everyone else I am reading on my phone so hard to remember/check back on all of the updates, good luck to you all though x

Afu - our little pumpkins are doing brilliantly as are mummy and daddy.I have had a few wobbles but my lovely friends from this site have helped me through them (you know who you are, thank you x x), I questioned a couple of times if I could give both of our babies everything they need, and was trying so hard to be super mum it got me down a little. I had spent 7 years reading and planning motherhood...homecooked healthy meals, neat ironed clothes, educational activities daily, out every day, clean house etc....IT DOESNT HAPPEN lol, I have realised that I can be a great mum without doing all of that all of the time.

Our children are coming on leaps and bounds and are very happy and settled, theycare loved so incredibly much and they are told and shown how much every day. My little boy keeps cuddling me and blowing me kisses and my little girl giggles when i look at her, they are sooooo amazing. Dh and I looked at them tonight and said how it feels like they are ours now. I could not love these children any more than I do, biological or not  

Love and best wishes to you all x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks snapdragon! Good to know last minute panics can be cured!! I am going to do what you suggested and approach both places individually!!! Fingers crossed!!!!
Dreams... lovely to read!!!! Xxx


----------



## Sq9

Fabulous post ddct. Sounds utterly amazing ( and lots of hard work too!)


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Morning Girls! It's an absolutely beautiful sunny day here   


I'm thinking of going for a run and then ironing, school work and sunbathing!!!


Anyway a lot going on in this thread...


Poppet's Mammy- thanks so much for your post ! It gave me a real insight into what life will be like = hectic and tiring but very rewarding! We are 11 days from Intros!!!! Your post made me feel a little calmer   


Wyxie - also love your posts as you are kind of in the same position as me - trying to get EVERYTHING organised in a very short space of time. Don't know about you but I feel as though I have so much on my mind all the time!! I loved your teddy bear with the smells and hand cream idea. I'm sure this would work very well. What a good idea! 


Frangpanii - It's ridiculous that your work references are so slow - esp. with Panel just around the corner. Chase them up and I really do hope that you get them in time   


Us - well I am in the panic/ nervous/ all over the place stage as Intos are in 11 days and I have a classroom to pack up, stair gates to buy, car seat to buy, cutlery and plates for our LO....and many more things. DH is also in a little flap he has been reseeding the lawn (although it didn't need it really) so that LO can run about outside in the Summer.  We are both a little anxious about staying with FO for the week - they live far away from us and we have a little cottage near them. My big question for you ladies is this - do we take our labrador or not. The SW's say we can but I'm not sure if it would be a hinderance or a diversion?  Asked people at my work and most said take the dog as part of our family. My own and DH family say defo. leave him at home as it's all about Dh and I bonding not the dog! We have a huge 4 X 4 car so that's not an issue as I know LO may have lots to bring back - or nothing at all! FO have a lot of land and 2 dogs so he can be walked.....And so we have a dilemma...DH would like to take him but I am in two minds    We do need to intro. the dog when we come home so maybe best up there?   ??  


Anyways I am ranting on! Lol! I'd better go and get all my jobs done!!


Much love to you all, Noodles XX


----------



## crazyspaniel

How exciting noodles  
I think I would leave the dog behind, you'll have enough to worry about without adding your furry friend into the picture....
Your LO is obviously used to dogs so introducing them later shouldn't be a problem. Anyway just my opinion you have to do what's right for you  

Enjoy the sunbathing, it's clouding over here  
Xx


----------



## Flash123

OOOOOOOO noodles that's a toughie. We re in the middle of intros now and it is all consuming. People are helping us out with our dog because I can't imagine having him to worry about aswell  BUT we aren't away. I would worry about our dog if I was, therefore not fully concentrating on lo. At the end of your day with lo, when you go home to your cottage, it will be so comforting to have your pooch with you.

Sorry I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom I would feel exactly the same as you xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Noodles no easy answer. Our dog responds badly to staying away from our house so for that reason I would leave our dog at home with my parents. However if he liked staying away I think I may take him and have parents on back up to get him and take him home. Or vice versa leave him at home and parents could be on back up to drop him to us. would anyone do that for you?


----------



## beachgirl

Would you be able to return home halfway through intros to take the dog to the cottage? That way you can fully concentrate on LO for the first few days then when you start going out with them you could introduce your dog?


----------



## Frangipanii

Noodles thanks!! I am on a mission tomorrow to get it sorted!! As per your dog situation! I can see both sides!! We have two dogs ans we are going to leave them with my folks for quite a while! The dogs are very important in the bonding process but I think that can be done gradually! Especially for us with two border collies!!! But you have to do what is right for both of you ans usually I say go with the one who feels most passionate! You can always find a dog sitter down there fin it is becoming hard work!
so exciting that it's so close!!! X x x


----------



## Jack5259

Hi Everyone, 

Ive been reading some of your posts and wondered if I couod join this forum. 

I see some of you have had journeys through fertility treatment and have moved on to adoption.

Myself and DH have decided to have no more fertility treatment, after four rounds of clomid, four loads of IUI, and two rounds of IVF left us both emotionally shattered and drained from it all.  When people say try and rleax when having treatment, they obviously have no idea what it entails!  Its left me sadly feeling very isolated and have cut myself off from some friends, as some can really be very insensitive.    My DH is tougher then I am and takes it in his stride.    We cannot apply to adopt until a year after treatment which would be next March, but really not sure about it, henice Im reading this forum.  They can find nothing wrong apart from me having a low egg reserve, my DH is very fertile.  

Noodles, I hope all goes well, difficult one re your dog!  

Dreams do come true: your story is very inspriring and you answered the main concern I have about this whle adoption thing, could i love my adopted children as much as our own biological children? My DH is not coming out with good answers re the adoption, one minue he says no, and then the next, "I would do it for you".  Both have to be 100% to go into this.  

Ayway, hi to everyone, looking forward to chatting with some of you about your experiences.  Hope the sun shines today!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Jack and welcome.  I think your post summarises so many of our initial worries and fears, and DHs reaction seems a typical 'bloke' reaction!  For us, DF was very much unsure for a long time.  e went along with it for me in the early stages, but started to 'get it' as time passed, until he was just as committed as I was. Give yourself some time, as you have said treatment is exhausting and soul destroying.  Stopping it was a massive relief for me, although you do need suitable time to grieve and get mentally strong again.  I think time reading and researching will help you see if this is a path you want to take.  There is no harm in talking to some agencies or attending and open evening to get a feel for adoption and what it all entails.  There is no time constraint on this, and as you are at the info gathering stage I think it will help.  

I never had the worry that I wouldn't love the child the same as my 'own', I just wanted to be a mum, they journey to get me to that point didn't really worry me.  Maybe that was naïve, maybe it is because I have worked with children all my career, maybe I was desperate to have a family.  But that feeling hasn't changed for me.  I know DF didn't share that initially.  He worried the process was invasive, unnecessary and almost insulting.  But he gets it now, and actually told the panel what he had learnt and how his perception has changed.  I think that our agency has helped massively.  They have been great throughout and he likes our SW and her commitment to us. 

Good luck, and keep reading, the posts from the ladies are inspiring and for me made me 100% sure this was our path.

Poppets Mammy, your little lady sounds like your dream come true!  I am so glad she is settling so nicely, I just love reading your updates!

Dreams, same with you.  It must be so exhausting but so wonderful.  Your LOs sound little stars and cuddles must melt your heart.  Just lovely!

Noodles, what a dilemma.  I think there are many pros and cons for each situation.  If you left him at home would you worry? and would that worry spoil time with LO?  If you took him will it add to the exhaustion and stress of intros or would it be nice for LO to meet all the family together, and be something to cuddle for you guys after a long day?  I am a great believer in pros and cons lists!  Good luck in making your decision, and wow, so nearly there now!  So exciting, hope you have a successful day getting your jobs done!

Sorry girls, gotta go, laptop is only typing about 10 words a minute and its driving me MAD


----------



## Arrows

Hi all.  

I don't post much anymore but thought I'd give a quick update:
7 months in and monkey has taken on lots of my mannerisms and has grown into his own little person.  He's now outgrown lots of his clothes and it truly feels like the end of an era and the start of the next stage of our life as a family hopefully without SW interference,  at least until we apply for no. 2!   
Monkey has now become incredibly clingy and we've experienced lots of issues leaving him anywhere or with anyone at all, even people he knows really well. This could be a coincidence but appears to me to be an attachment issue as a result of putting him into nursery. Although he no longer goes we're still having issues. The positive way of seeing it is that a child of 7/8mths would be reaching the point of getting clingy so this is in line with the time we've had him. This is the only major issue however! 
He's absolutely delightful and now gives spontaneous hugs and kisses just because he wants to. He started walking a few weeks ago and is getting more confident by the day.  He has the most infectious chuckle and now has about 40words. His understanding is incredible and his current favourite response to being told no is to lie down on the floor and shut his eyes, then peek to see if anyone's watching to see if it's worth fake crying or not - really have to stop ourselves from laughing! 
H


----------



## Miny Moo

Noodle1. - we stayed in a cottage when doing intros the 1st time, we didn't take our dog we put him in kennels so we could concentrate just on LO, when we came home mid into's we fitted a staigate at the bottom of the stairs just to stop dog going upstairs at night as we did not want to shut our son in his room a night. This came in handy on the day LO arrived with his FC we put the dog upstairs so he was the other side of the gate, LO  was 6 when he came to us, and as soon as he was here he was desperate to be with the dog and they have been best friends since.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi girls, wanted to share the following (from a link posted on Adoption UK) You may well have seen it, but if not it is a good ready and very appropriate! Maybe one to be casually left on a coffee table if you know what I mean 

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/mum/10-things-adoptive-parents-wish-their-friends-and-family-understood/?a_dgi=aolshare_facebook

Arrows, lovely to read your update, thanks for sharing! He sounds a right little character  And also appears to be flourishing


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Very true would love to have the guts to send it to all ours x x


----------



## Wyxie

I put it up on ******** a while back.  Predictably, the people who are already brilliant read it and asked if there was anything else they could do, the ones who could do with taking some bits to heart dismissed it as not anything that applied to them.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lolly - love the link, it made me laugh

Gwen - Do it, send it to those closest to you. Wished we had it before Poppet came home. We bought books for grandparents etc but I do wonder how much they actually read/took any notice of. Not everyone understands or does as you ask, no matter how much you remind them


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone. 

Hope your all doing well? 

Tonight my nerves are starting omg we meet our baby boy tomorrow. 

Today has been spent framing pictures of him and putting them in pride of place in every room in the house  
Dh is putting the final stair gate on as I type this, kitchen is baby proof now so we're ready to go. 

Just about to iron our clothes for tomorrow then I'm going to sit down and try to relax and then hopefully sleep lol. 

Ill post back tomorrow night once we get home. 

Big hugs xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

The issue is what Wyxie said those that take it on board are the ones that are already reading lots etc and know.  Friends are a bigger worry for me most close family are very good and reading then asking us questions.  X x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry Em we posted together.  You will be amazing but the emotions tonight must be overwhelming x x


----------



## Wyxie

I hope everything goes just as well as you hoped tomorrow Emma, look forward to hearing about it.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you gwyneth and wyxie trying to relax but it's not easy lol xxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Emma, it's so exciting!  Have a lovely day xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hot milk used to help me sleep as a 7 year old... worth a try (with a shot of whisky in it  ) Oh Emma, you just KNOW i'm over the moon for you!!!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ah, enjoy every minute Emma xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you so much  xxxxxx


----------



## newmum

Hope all goes well for you Emma have a great day and look forward too your update

Love the link Lolly may just use it when we get a match

Nm2b x


----------



## newmum

Sorry meant to say hi and welcome to Jack. Don't worry too much about DH mine was the same, he always agreed to adopt though I reckon more for the love of me and wanting me to be happy, he's found the process difficult bringing up memories he would rather forget but I will never forget the large smile on his face and the joy in his eyes when we got approved. 

Nm2b x


----------



## Sq9

Have a magical day tomorrow Emma  . Welcome jack  
Hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying the weather x


----------



## Flash123

Emma, as my mum said to me last Wednesday - tomorrow is the 1st dy of the rest of your life. Enjoy it lovely and ay ll your dreams one true xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you all so much. 

Going to try and get some sleep now... Yeah right. 

Ill update tomorrow. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Lorella

Have a great day tomorrow Emma xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

Today has been amazing we couldn't of asked for it to go any better. 

Ds had just woken up when we got there but he soon came round and started playing peekaboo with dh. 

We played lots then gave him his tea before setting off home. 2 hours went so quickly can't wait for tomorrow we have all day with him  

Sorry it's not a long post I'm shattered hehe. 

Hugs xxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad it's gone well bet you can't wait for tomorrow. Try and get some sleep x x


----------



## oliver222

Glad you had a great day Emma.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely news Emma. Glad today was so special x

I've just been outside cleaning the windows?! ready for our meeting with LOs SW. We have everything crossed that this is THE LO. Hope you are all enjoying the sun. Have a great week x


----------



## GERTIE179

Emma - glad you had a great first day.
Greenie - fingers & toes this is the one x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Emma - Fabulous! You Enjoy x


Greenie - Everything crossed for you!!


Wyxlie - hope you are baring up and are super organised like us      


THANKS to everyone for dog go/ dog no go! We think he is going!! I love him so much and DH really wants to take him so...yeah I THINK that's what we're doing! However there is 10 days to change our minds....and the way I'm feeling at the moment! Lol. You know I had a lovely afternoon. My step mum came round with beautiful presents for LO...    I am so emotional at the moment...    


Love (icon happy) Noodles xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thank you everyone. Xxxxx

Greenie good luck for lo's sw visit I've got everything crossed for you. Hang in there it's totally worth it  xxxxx

Noodles not long now honey I'm so excited for you. It truly is amazing and I'm only on day 1 lol
Xxxxx

Big hugs everyone xxxxxx


----------



## oliver222

Finally starting to feel as though we are nearing the end. SW coming out with their boss next week for 2nd opinion visit and should have par mostly done by then. Hoping to see our references next week as well.

Been busy and have ordered safety locks, first aid kits, fire blanket and new smoke and carbon monoxide alarms. And was a bit naughty and slipped in a Gro Clock. Was not going to buy anything before approval panel but it slipped in my basket as meant I had spent enough to get free P&P.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

In that case Oliver it was simply meant to be


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Morning ladies.

I received confirmation on Monday that we have made it onto the July prep group yay!!!! Our prep is only over 2 full days on the 12th & 19th July.  DH and I fly to Mexico on Monday for a 2 week holiday, we will be able to relax now knowing that when we come home we only have a fortnight to prep. It's really happening and I'm excited x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

OMG....a me post and I must apologise but so excited!!!!!We met with LOs SW today and LO is amazing, we love her. We all have to confirm tomorrow (even though we told her today) that we want to proceed so fingers crossed she feels the same way - she did disclose that she has booked a linking meeting for next week and that she has already provisionally booked a panel slot for next month and booked time out to complete the paperwork to meet the deadline!!!!!! We really hope that this happens now as LO is perfect and if all goes to plan we will have her home before her first birthday 

Off to dance around the house now x


----------



## gettina

Omg greenie, that couldn't sound much more optimistic could it! Joining in the dancing:     
(Kinda)
So, the clean windows clinched it then,....note to self!!

Great news adoptiondreams. Enjoy the fab sounding hol.

How's it gone today Emma? Thinking of you.

Ha Oliver -I reckon the gro clock was no less suitable as pre approval shopping as all the other stuff which was just more boring. We are about two thirds through and starting to think about when it right to change things around at home and buy what we might need - it's all just signs of commitment isn't it.

Afu - We are still depressing ourselves by researching the issues children for adoption often have. So sad. Can't wait to be matched (yes, need to get approved first).

Gettina x


----------



## newmum

joining in with the dancing, great news greenie


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Amazing news Greenie     Sounds super duper positive   Very happy news


----------



## Primmer

Greenie - great news, sounding really positive


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Greenie! So pleased for you


----------



## Sq9

fabulous news greenie.  How very very exciting. Good luck adoption dreams.
Hope everyone else is ok and enjoying the lovely weather


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Greenie I'm so glad been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers x x x


----------



## peacelily

Delighted for you Greenie


----------



## GERTIE179

Just a quick post as LO very poorly just now and still watching carefully.
Amazing news Greenie - this really feels like its meant to be so good things definately come to those who wait x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you ladies, we're just really hoping that SW confirms tomorrow that they want proceed and that all then goes well at linking meeting. Can't believe how quickly this could happen. She couldn't be more perfect


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow Wow Wow Greenie - so pleased for you. Fingers crossed for tomorrow, although it sounds pretty solid to me   xx


----------



## Wyxie

Wow, sounds like things will move quickly if it all goes ahead Greenie, so very exciting.  Do let us know when you hear something.  How old is she?

We are at matching panel tomorrow, along with many others it seems.  I've just finished doing the talking album, all barring Wyxling's little bit which we'll do in the morning.  Annoyingly, I had to leave her today for a little while, we hardly ever leave Wyxling with others, and she has been really unhappy for the rest of the day - she know's I'm going out in the morning and that we need to be away from her a bit next week too.  I have explained this is just a one off, and then Mummy will be at home all the time again like normal, but she worries about me coming back, and that anxiety can show in interesting ways with Wyxling.  It's going to be lovely tomorrow and we have mp early so I've got a full afternoon with my Wyxling in the sunshine planned to get her back on track again.

Spoke to Bladelet's f/c today and feeling much better about the whole situation now.  She was very nice - much more relaxed with me than in the formal meeting.  It was a lot easier to talk without all the SWs there.  Sounds like he is doing very well, and she was very understanding about making some arrangements for Wyxling during the intros.

I am excited, and now bricking it.

Album is done, toy is snuggled, Wyxling is really quite excited, and the weather forecast for our last weekend just the 3 of us is brilliant.

Here we go!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow wyxie, so excited for you. LO is 10 months next week and she is just scummy DH and I just melted when we saw her DVD, in those few moments I could see her crawling around our house, tormenting the cat trying not to get ahead of myself but who am I kidding. So excited, just hope that all goes ahead now. SWs were lovely and seemed keen but have been let down before so trying to reign it in a bit.

I think I remember reading that there are a few of you at MP tomorrow so good luck ladies, will be thinking of you x


----------



## Sq9

Good luck for tomorrow wyxie and everyone else at panel


----------



## Ellie20

Hello all, 


I haven't posted on here before but been reading for a while which has been really helpful! I think you guys are all amazing!!


Good luck to all who are going to MP tomorrow & those of you at various other stages of the process.


We will be waiting on a phone call tomorrow re outcome of a Linking Meeting eeek!!     


xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thinking of all of you going to MP tomorrow, very very best wishes and looking forward to hearing some great news tomorrow. BIG  

Greenie, LO sounds like a dream,   all goes very well from here (although maybe not for poor kitty  )


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Greenie!  Wow, how exciting!  lol xx

Well, DVD is done, tour of the house and 2 stories for LO, one from me and one from Daddy (again, if Panel agree, but who am I kidding?!)... lol.. Cuddly dogs are in the DVD and are coming to panel too.  Tomy album which I was assured had never been out of the box when I bought it from ebay refuses to work...    All the photos are in it so I think we might take it and swap it for the fully working version as soon as it arrives, which ought to be Friday.  Herumph!

So, here we go ladies, MP tomorrow for so many!  Good luck to everyone xxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Oooo fingers crossed for those wAiting for phone calls tomo
Good luck to Wxyie, Auntie Katie & others for matching panels this week

Auntie Katie - the Tomy albums are not very reliable. If I remember correctly Arrows also had similar issues and had to pick up another one around panel too. It to do with manufacturing. However, it is quite known so you should be ok for a swap x


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Greenie, it sounds like a done deal to me 

Wyxie and Auntiekatie, best of luck for mp tomorrow, but again a done deal me thinks. 

Afu, Lo has been very poorly for the last 4days. Went to the out of hrs surgery on Sunday as she had a high temp and even though we did all the right things it still wouldn't come down, as soon as we got to the Dr's she was back to a happy self  and after having a full mot we told she was fine and just keep an eye on her. Took her back to our own GP on Monday as she had another temp that wouldn't come down and she was complaining of a bad back. After a urine test, it has turned out our little munchkin has got a really bad kidney infection. Trust your instincts when your lo is poorly .

Hope your lo is better soon Gertie, it's scary when they are so young and can't explain what is wrong. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## liveinhope

Good luck to all at MP tomorrow and to those who are waiting to hear.... hope the wait's not too long


----------



## Frangipanii

Late to write I know and short message!! Good luck and lots and lots of love to the loveliest Wyxie and loveliest Auntie Kate on their Matching tomorrow thinking of you both!! Sorry if missed anyone!!!
Skyblu and gertie hope ur los get better soon!!
welcome to ellie - hope link goes through!!
afm... My cat has cancer we think, test being done?!! ! = awful day - but panel is back
on track!
x


----------



## oliver222

Good luck to all those going to panel.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck Wyxie and Katie have an amazing day and enjoy your celebrating when you get your YES! Fran I am so sorry about the cat you're having some rotten luck with the animals at tgethe minute.  But I'm really glad panel is back on track x x x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck everyone going to panel. You'll all be amazing. Xxxxx

Sorry I haven't update how intros are going we're just heading off to be there when our lo wakes up  

I've update my diary if anyone would like to catch up. 

Hi to everyone. 

Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## Belliboo

Good luck to everyone going to panel today hope it's a good day for everyone xx


----------



## Primmer

Good luck to Auntie Katie and Wyxie and anyone else at panel tomorrow. 

Fran - sorry to hear about your cat but glad to hear panel is back on track. 

AFU - waiting to hear if we have been approved for next step and if so whether prep will be July or October. SW said we should hear this week and so hoping to hear today.


----------



## Doofuz

Fran - so sorry to hear about your cat, how sad for you  Good luck for panel 

Wyxie and Auntie Katie - Good luck for matching panels, enjoy your celebrations after 

Primmer - I hope you get your news soon about prep 

No news here for us, the profiles we have been sent aren't the right children for us, we have come to a little standstill for a while. Good friends of ours were approved at panel yesterday and they are celebrating at the weekend so looking forward to that. As our SW is sick we have been temporarily assigned the agency manager and she is our friends SW - therefore has been busy for their panel. It doesn't help with my tendencies towards impatience though! 

Off to the beach today with my niece. Have a good day all


----------



## Wyxie

Yes, we have a son, introductions start 14th, current planned move date is 21st.

Just got home, hubby has gone back to work and I can't stop crying.  Wyxling due home any minute so need to get myself together quickly!


----------



## Miny Moo

Congratulations wyxie, that's not long till you meet him x

Well 20 months after making our initial phone call to get the ball moving for number 2, we received our panel date in the post today, next Friday, what, talk about giving us a lot of notice!!!


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Just thought I would give a quick update on us. Our Prep course assessment report arrived in the post last night and I thought it was a bit harsh. It said I was very quiet (that is my nature) but also said I that I had confidence issues? I am naturally quiet around large groups and there was a lot of big personalites in our group, but was better when we were split into smaller groups. It also said DH was laid back, lol and that I was looking for his support all the time, but was better when we were split up. I am much better in one to one situations and have other qualities that make our relationship work. Anyway they have recommended for us to start home study will address my issues then. We now have a 19 page application form to fill in and return and then it is full steam ahead....

One more stage done and dusted....

Congratulations, Wyxie, that is amazing news...

Ali


----------



## Dreams do come true

Wyx - congratulations!!!! Xxx

Greenie -I hope you get the nod today...this lo sounds like the one! Everything crossed for you x

Skyblu and Gertie - I hope your munchkins get better soon x

Fran -  so sorry about your cat x x x hugs x


Afm - had a crap day!!!!!!! I left a stay and play group in tears. My ds got really upset when snacktime came...he wouldnt eat the fruit (he wont eat fruit!!!! So I took him away from the situation, he got very distressed and couldnt be comforted, I let him have a wander...he hit a little girl because he was upset and he hits out. I got upset because everyone made a big deal out of it...people trying to hug him, get him to have snacks, asking me what was wrong with him....eventually I explained about the adoption and food issues....then left because I was upset that I felt I  had to tell people...he was screaming so I had to carry dd and him, with a bag to the pushchair....it was awful, my tears started rollung down my cheeks and wouldnt stop.

I am lonely! I need to find some other adopters that live nearby....someone that doesnt question me about meltdowns or look at me like I am a bad mother...in process of finding support groups, much needed. Awful awful day for me.

Sorry about the rant!!!!


----------



## snapdragon

Alig1972 my la don't give any feedback on prep but my par said I was very quiet during the training.  There were also  other comments in my par though it wasn't really discussed with my sw.  Anyway it didn't cause any problems with approval or matching.

Dreams do come true my lo can hit and pull hair at toddler group on occasion. Its horrible the way some mums look at you. He isint the only one though. Its pretty common with toddlers. Lo also has some food issues. He spends most of the time trying to get another biscuit. He will also not eat fruit.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi everyone   , I hope you're all enjoying the lovely sunshine  
.........just running in and out,
DDCT........I've pm'd you x
Anj x


----------



## crazyspaniel

And it's a YES for us too!!!!   
Our family of three will soon become four, absolutely delighted xxx


----------



## newmum

Congratulations crazyspaniel and Wyxie

DDCT hugs to you and I am sure one of the lovely ladies will give you some advice, sorry I can't. I haven't been in that situation. Hope you are feeling better soon

Frangipani sorry to hear about your cat, sad news

Sky blu and Gertie get well soon to your LO's

Alig1972 we didn't get any feedback from the prep course until we read our PAR. I am sure it will book though and if you have any worries talk it through with your SW

Hi every one

Bye for now

Nm2b x


----------



## Wyxie

Congrats AuntieKatie and Crazy Spaniel, good day all round.

DDCT, I have attempted to PM you.  Don't feel bad about feeling bad.  Adopting is a very lonely process especially when you've got a slightly older toddler.  I strongly recommend you go home, do something chilled, take advantage of the nice weather, have some nice cold drinks (Wyxling always loved getting ice cubes in her drink bottle especially when we'd had a big upset) and if you can see if there's some water or paint you can get very messy with both children in your garden, or something that they will enjoy that you can't normally do inside, and try and get as much contact as you can in a fun way.  Sandpits are great for this too.

I'm about to put Wyxling in her nappy when she wakes up and let her smear herself all over with paint, and me too probably, and perhaps some of the cardboard I have here too, and then we'll have a big bubble bath together afterwards - possibly in the paddling pool in the garden, I just chuck baby bath in there with the water.  Anything the kids love which has lots of physical contact makes things easier on the bad days, and being able to do it outside where it doesn't matter if they decide to chuck it everywhere is definitely the way to go!

Don't worry about the other Mums, don't worry about getting upset, and definitely don't worry about l/o hitting someone at this stage in the process.  Maybe just keep him with you next time he's upset even if it does make him cross - you could always shove some fun activities he likes doing in your bag for emergency keep him entertained and close moments in the future.

Lots of hugs and good wishes.

Wyxie x

P.S. I would also get a bottle of wine chilling and some chocolates in for after they've gone to bed!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Well done CrazySpaniel!!!  That's 3 of us, so just one more to get a yes today unless I missed something?  

DDCT, it's the first time you've had to deal with such a situation so don't feel bad that you explained about the adoption, you'll have time now to think up different strategies for if something similar happens again.  Big hugs to you though.  We are going out for a meal with 2 other couples from our Prep Course next week, really looking forward to catching up, one couple we see every month or so but the other we haven't seen since Prep.  You Deff need to find a good support group xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ddct hugs unfortunately new mums in my experience aren't very nice or supportive of each other.  Don't take it personally.  Also remember that he is not the first toddler to hit another child millions do it every day.  Sending lots of hugs x x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Congratulations Wyxie, Auntie Katie and Crazy Spaniel ! 

Alig1972 - we had feedback from our prep group - nothing negative  ( in ours there where some people who loved talking lots and one husband who I think I only saw talk once over the four days !!) but once our SW visited us and we had our individual sessions she saw how we complimented each other  - so don't worry !!

DTCT - please don't get upset with your experience at the group, - I'm only at home study stage but have a BS which I know is a different situation completely but some groups are very "clicky" ! Could you take a friend or family member with you next time just to have another pair of hands ? Take your own snacks so you know you got some thing LO will like ! And all children have melt downs it's very usual x 

Beckyboo x


----------



## Sq9

ddct.  You are all doing brilliantly in a short space of time and the odd meltdown is to be expected, but awful to deal with at the time.
   to wyxie, Katie and crazy spaniel!
Hope everyone else is doing ok xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wyxie, Auntie (mummy!) katie and Crazy Spaniel..... what can I say but whoop whoop!!!!!   Biiiiig congratulations ladies, so happy your babies will be home super soon  

Dreams, oh i'm sorry you have had a horrible day.  You have received some great advice, all very true.  It must be incredibly hard, I won't pretend to understand, but as an outsider reading you sound to be doing brilliantly.  Wobbles will happen, just horrible in front of others trying to put their big noses in what is your business.  I think taking your own snacks is a great idea, or just letting him continue to play.  Where is the rule book does it say he has to sit down?!  It is very early days, and tomorrow is a new day, i'm sure it will be brighter  

Oh Fran, i'm so sorry hunny.  So sad when fur babies are poorly.  I am glad your day is a little better with your panel news, but still sending big hugs for you and kitty


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Frangi, so sorry to hear about your furkid,    Hope you have some time left though, with treatment?  Fingers crossed!

Mummy Katie, OMG!  I'm having a moment, that moment when someone tells you you are going to be a mummy, a tummy mummy or a different kind of mummy, it must all feel so strange, I'm going to have to take some time to absorb it all! Ladies, today has been a good day for us who have been to MP, and to DDCT, it was a learning curve, all part of the bigger picture.  Hope we can be here to listen to the good times but also when things aren't going the way we hoped, because I'm sure going to need to vent over the next few months!!! 

If I could be there for you all in person I'd love to be, we are in the North Somerset area... It's a big old area and obviously I can't be more specific but if anyone wants to chat, get in touch.


----------



## newmum

Lovely to hear your great news Mummy Katie, congratulations Mummy x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Ddct - sending you lots of hugs. Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing amazing things x

AFM, SW confirmed this morning that its all systems go and to buy some pink paint!!! We are so happy, got to tell our folks which was such an emotional event. MP next month now, as long as all goes to plan. Had to tell my boss today as I'm a teacher and so won't be back in sept. she was fab and contingency in place in case something goes wrong. Roll on the next 5 weeks x


----------



## Frangipanii

Amazing news on here today!!! It brought many tears to my eyes!!! Congratulations Super Auntie Katie, wonderful Wyxie, and lovely Crazy spaniel on yours matches!!!! It is fabulous!!!! And Greeniebop massive congrats to
you to!!! Brilliant!!! Special congrats to you all!!
thanks for all ur support ladies! It really does help on so many levels!! ! Cat aka Bo still with us and will be commencing meds for a little while until he starts to suffer and then we will say goodbye!! So sad we picked him as a kitten the week before we got married! But got to give him quality of life while we can!! Also got a sick duck now!!! It just ain't funny!! But hey I had my weak and pathetic day yesterday and now I am kicking on!!! Panel is less than two weeks away now and I have to focus on that!!
Gywneth, you can't be too many sleeps from prep now!!!! Nerves yet? 
Lolly, any news from your end yet??
Dreams, sounds like u have had an awful day! I am so sorry to hear of it!! I hope u managed to find
some peace!! Hugs to you!!
Welcome to the newbies!!!
love
to you 
all!!!! 
Xxxxx


----------



## oliver222

Lots of fantastic news on here today. Huge congrats to everyone.


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Yes, it's all very exciting. Things moving forward!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thank you everyone, today is a better day! I do not know how I would get through adoption without this board and the wonderful people on it  

Greenie - i am so so happy for you


----------



## Wyxie

That's great news Greenie, really pleased for you.

Frangipanii, I'm so sorry about your cat.  Somehow I missed that in all the posts the other day.  I hope you can have a little bit longer with him before he starts to suffer, I'm sure you'll make the most of it.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ddct, big big hugs honey. 

Greenie yay fantastic news so happy for you. 

Hi to everyone. 

Afu, our intros are going amazing lo is taking to us so well. It's his 1st visit to his new home tomorrow so we're nervous but know he'll love it he's such a chilled out baby. 
Lo is home forever on Tuesday we can't wait  

Hugs to everyone xxxxxx


----------



## Ellie20

Wow so much exciting news on here - congratulations to all who got the go ahead at MP....fantastic! And it's great to hear about introductions too - that's certainly the part I'm most anticipating...eeeek!!


We got a YES at the linking meeting this week & panel is now 20th June!! So not long!! xx


----------



## Flash123

Sorry not been on lately. Have promised myself I will catch up later but just wanted to share that we are about o pick up lo for our last ever intro.  He was due to come home yesterday but due to complications with fc yesterday and today the naughty sausage is coming home forever tomorrow . just a quicky for a few hours this morn as fc have arranged a party this afternoon  so Can't stop, about to start our penultimate journey and I can't bl***y wait xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations Ellie. It's amazing it truly is. We've love every min of intros so far and our little man comes home to live forever in Tuesday.  xxxxx

Yay flash not long now so happy for you honey. 
Our little man comes home for the day today for the 1st time ever eeeaaakkkk hope he likes it hehe.
Tomorrow will be an amazing day honey. 

Big hugs and can't wait to hear more about how he's settling in  

Big hugs xxxxxxxx


----------



## Belliboo

What a gorgeous day for you all to bringing your little ones to their new homes, sure they will love it, it's an amazing feeling bringing them home, can't wait til we can do it all again,

We have approval panel this month so hope it's not too long a wait til we get sibling for our AO.


----------



## Jacks girl

Wow it's been all go on here...fantastic to see! Some many congratulations to pass on to you guys in one way or another. Took me ages to catch up on posts. 

So exciting to see most of us looking forward to one development or another. Good times on planet adoption! New mummies I am sure you are doing a splendid job. 

Emma, Flash and noodles enjoy your intros/bringing little people home! Exciting times meeting your children! Ddct hang in there Hun you are doing an amazing job Mummy! Frang sorry to hear about your cat I know your predicament well as I had the same with my last dog who had the big C. Thinking of you and  . 

Wyxie, Auntie Katie and Crazy Spaniel whoop whoop! Congratulations! It will be time to meet your little ones soon too. Enjoy every moment mummies! 

Greenie huge congratulations. 

Hope the LOs are better Skyblu and Gertie. 

Gwyneth not long till prep now. Are you excited yet? 

Hallo to all the newbies😃and anyone else. Sorry no more personals. 

AFU we finally managed to get hold of SW three weeks after interview with no hint of confirmation  to say she has recommended us for September prep course so just got to wait for official letter of training social worker! So after the Summer it's all go. We apparently now will go on new system from 1st July so panel according to Stage 1 worker should be around January! Seems ages but when I think about it this year has flown. Landlord has agreed long term tenancy in 12 monthly contract stints so that's house sorted for next few years anyway. 

Love to all xxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Just wanted to say Emma1605 has changed her profile name  waited so long to do that haha xxx

Brummi fab news about prep course xxxxx

Not long now Belliboo, good luck honey  

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## newmum

Congratulations Emma must be an amazing feeling


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
i just wanted to congratulate flash on becoming a mummy. its been a long journey from the other thread to here and of course worth every weary mile now that you are here at last. well done to you and your husband, i dont doubt it will be all you ever dreamed of.

this is a good news thread unlike our previous ivf thread so it is so great to read such nice things nearly every day.

so glad to see so many doing so well.

take care all.
farm boy..


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello ladies
I just wanted to say congrats and thank you for posting your positive news and stories, it gives lurkers on here (like me) real hope and inspiration. As farm boy said, IVF threads can be full of heartbreak, sadness and bad news, whereas this thread feels like we can achieve our dreams of becoming parents and we will be a little family one day  

Best wishes to you all xx


----------



## purplexed

Hi all, Ive just found this thread and thought Id pop on and say Hi.  
My DH and I were going to have IVF until we were told that I would have to have major surgery before starting treatment and even then we would only have a 2% chance that IVF would work and an even smaller chance that I would carry a baby full term. We were devastated! We talked about adoption but were put off because we thought it would be really intrusive and take a long time. A year later we decided to enquire about adoption with a VA, they were so nice and the home study was like having free therapy as we got to talk through all the problems we had had. 
Now here we are 1.5 years later matched with a 10 month old baby boy who is a cheeky little giggly ball of fun. We love him so much and we havnt met him yet! Im so glad we persued adoption as the way to make our family! Pregnancy is soooo old fashioned!
Good luck with all your journeys. Have faith in the journey. The destination is worth the wait


----------



## Miny Moo

Purplexed - congratulations on our match, bet you can't wait for intro's x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations purplexe, we're currently on intros with our 10 month old son and he's amazing. Hope you have loads of fun on intros and if your lo is anything like ours he'll take to you straight away. 
Our son comes home forever on Tuesday. 

Hugs xxxxx


----------



## purplexed

Thanks guys, our intros start a week on wednesday, 10 more sleeps!
I finished work on Friday and am going to spend this week having lots of lovely me time and nice dinners out with DH.
so pleased to hear your intros are going well Emma. We have lucked out with our FCs. They have moved on over 30 babies!!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, 

Welcome perplexed. Emma, lovely to hear intros are going well. Tuesday is almost here

We went to look at pretty things in mothercare this morning and they were amazing. DH is now starting to get really excited, think it was seeing pushchairs and car seats in the flesh. He came out smiling. The assistant was great when we explained situation and sent us over with lots of things to fill in to get vouchers etc. it's all starting to feel that this is going to happen. Just really hoping nothing goes wrong between now and panel. Must be something in the water Emma and perplexed as our LO is a 10 month baby girl. My best friend turned up yesterday with a book for us....our first present. We took our best friends out for a meal to tell them as they were referees and I think they are almost happier than we are I just can't stop smiling and bouncing around everywhere...poor DH is a bit more of the 'quietly excited' variety. Anyway enough rambling, have a lovely day x


----------



## purplexed

Hi greeniebop, wow 10 months as well! Fingers crossed you'll have her home by her first birthday!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Yay greenie amazing news. It's fab when you can start buying. 

We've just put the fire guard up as lo wouldn't leave the fire alone yesterday it's only an electric one that's never turned on. The house looks fab with toys everywhere. 

Can't wait for Tuesday. 
Not seeing him today as its a rest day but we miss him so much. 

Big hugs everyone xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi everyone! 


Emma - Aaaw I am so chuffed for you! Sorry for no more mentions as I am feeling a bitty all over the place. 


An update - we are taking the dog as he is our family!!    All the last minute things done to the house to make it safe for LO are now done as we are working all week. Glad you are all making progress......Well what can I say - we start Intros this Friday(5 sleeps). It's like Christmas!!!!!!!!


However it will all only go ahead if a meeting on the thurs is okay. We are soooooooooo Excited and terrified!! I am more excited and DH is more terrified!! Emotions running high here...


Did anyone else feel like this before Intros?       


Noodles xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi noodles

Oh yes we certainly did feel exactly the same. 
It was like yay we're so excited but what if he doesn't like us. Have we done enough to the house to make it safe for him errrrrr no lol we have now tho with the fireguard haha. 

What your feeling is natural. 
Enjoy your last few days in work I'm sure you'll get spoilt  

Can't wait to ready your updates. 

Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow there's just so much happening and tons of great news on here it's just wonderful to read. Just a very few personals from me today.

Emma - love the name change and very glad to hear Intro's are going well.

Purplexed - welcome and congrats on LO

Greenie - so happy you have a match, I'm sure MP will be fine, enjoy your shopping

Wixie, Aunty Katie & Crazy Spaniel - congrats on panel result  

Noodles - not long now Eeeek. The mix of feelings you get leading up to Intro's is very normal  

Flash - Glad intro's is going well, hope you've got your LO home forever now as planned  

AFU - we've had an amazing week, LO is just coming on leaps and bounds at the min and with the good weather we've had lately we've had lots of outside adventures which has been great. Seeing her run (well stumble about) on the beech in her little cosy was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen, my eyes filled up and my heart went all warm, it was just a dream. She is turning into a mini me, she's copying everything I do and is picking up loads of our manorisms it's hilarious to watch   We are off to Butlins for our first family holiday tomorrow, we are all super excited and LO talks about it more every day, she's going to burst tomorrow when she asks if it's the day we go and we actually say YES! Haha can't wait to see her little face 😊

Hello and best wishes to everyone else
Xx


----------



## Wyxie

Poppets Mammy, so glad to hear things are going so well.



Poppets Mammy said:


> She is turning into a mini me, she's copying everything I do and is picking up loads of our manorisms it's hilarious to watch


Wait until she starts to pick up any annoying habits you have. There's little more annoying than hearing them bounced back at you by a 2 year old. For a while, every time I asked her to put a toy away, she put her hands on her hips and gave me a huge sigh. At the moment every time I say "might" she comes back with "might not" which is definitely me, although I'm not so confrontational about it. "Don't put your fingers in the door, if it shuts you might get hurt" *sulky look* "might not". 

Copying Mummy is fun though, but can be embarrassing at times.

After I passed my driving test, she used to drive the toy cars around at play group, then "park" and get out and look and say "no, kerb, too far" and get back in and move it a bit, then repeat about a million times. She also frequently stopped suddenly and said "bump, no, stall".

There was also the time I ran over a dog (not my fault I might add), which was awful enough in itself, but worse when she insisted on acting this out with a toy car and a toy dog at playgroup for the next month or so. She'd run over the toy dog and then announce loudly "speed bump, no, hit dog". Then get out and take it to the owner (unwillingly played by me) to take it to the vets, and drive her car off to the garage.

I get some very, very, interesting looks.


----------



## GERTIE179

Oh god Wyxie - I'm literally laughing my socks off and Wxylings antics (sorry)
X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

How embarrassing but hysterical at the same time x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hahaha 😂 Wixie that's hilarious. I love stuff like that. But that must of been torture reliving an awful experience over and over again with her rein-acting it - bless her. 

Poppets been putting her hands on her hips a lot (wasn't even aware I did that until she did it). Before she starts any task or game with her toys she stands back, puts her hands on her hips, sighs, then says 'RIGHT' before starting it. Hahaha

When we are leaving the house she stops at the front door and says 'Right Mammy, back door locked? Dogs in Kitchen? Do you have purse, keys and phone?' 😳 Hahaha I was totally gobsmacked the 1st time - again totally unaware I did it. 

She also sometimes talks to us like we talk to the dogs, for example if she wants to try something herself that we normally assist with (ie going to the toilet/washing her hands etc) she will announce her intentions then puts her hand up ✋ and says 'No Mammy, WAIT, WAIT'. Now that's embarrassing, lol.

Got to love toddlers, so funny 😆 xx


----------



## newmum

Hi all  

Oh Wyxie and poppets mammy how funny   your LO's sound adorable  

Lovely to hear intros are going so well Enma and very soon you bring LO home

Noodles what and how you are feeling is so natural, good luck for Thursday I'm sure it will be ok after coming this far

Hi to the newbies 

Well we are still waiting and waiting for our match, dropped SW an e-mail last week so hopefully get a reply this week.

Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Poppets Mammy and Wyxlie - hilarious!!! Loving it! Thanks for cheering me up! 


Read them out to DH - Thanks ! XX 


Noodles


----------



## gettina

Giggling at all you unwittingly stern, verbal mummies and your scarily observant littlies. X


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Erghh, hangover today... Had a champagne lunch at home with my best friends an their husbands and kids yesterday.  One of them had emptied her attic of little boy clothes and bedding and brought it all over, we have SOOO much stuff!  lol, I will have a good time later going through it all.  A whole box and bag full of age 2-3 clothes!  Shame I am suffering a little this morning though.  Won't be able to do this when we have a toddler running around, far too much for me to bear! x


----------



## monkeymooo

Hello   can I join you please?  I'm so glad I've found this thread  

We're at matching panel next week for an amazing 2 year old boy.    Have total mix of emotions.  I think we need to find a better Mothercare, we went to one yesterday and the assistant wasn't very helpful at all - we ended up struggling for ages to work out how to collapse a buggie down - she hadn't got a clue either and just wandered off.  We left feeling a bit deflated and I had to get a strawberry milkshake and MASSIVE bag of popcorn to help me feel better    Haven't bought anything yet, other than a froggie bath toy. Oh and we have ordered a cot bed.  It doesn't really seem real at all.  But I have this feeling of minor panic that we should be getting everything sorted!!

However I love the general excitement on this thread and hoping it will rub off on me soon - look forward to chatting 
xxx


----------



## daisy0609

Love reading all the stories about intros and welcome to all the newbies! 
Newmum2b we are in the same boat as you just waiting and waiting hope you get news soon 
X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Also playing the waiting game... feeling ok at the moment as it's only been 3 1/2 weeks since panel and we have been busy. Hope this positive feeling lasts but I doubt it will!! So I'm enjoying it for now...!


----------



## Lizard39

Hello everyone   just have to say I love this thread - it is so positive and just reinforces we are on the right path to be parents. I've been away for a week and it seems so much has gone on this past week  - so congratulations to all.


----------



## Wyxie

I was just thinking yesterday that it might be hard for everyone waiting at the moment, when it feels like so much is happening for so many people at once.  I think it would be understandable if some people felt they were getting "left behind" again.  Hoping that everyone here has their child(ren) soon.  

Wyxie xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

While waiting is never fun I want you all to know I'm so happy so much is happening for you all. If we were all waiting it'd be a worry, but the fact links, matches and families are being made makes it real. It proves adoption does work and that it's blooming fantastic   it makes me so excited for what is waiting for us. I think the hard part is the unknown. I could cope with waiting a while if I could be pre warned but obviously that isn't possible! Just have to hope our little one is out there and finds us all soon. But like I say, feeling good and so pleased for the happy news xxxxx


----------



## Lizard39

I ditto what you say Lolly   I'm only at the 'waiting for prep group' stage and so excited, so can't even think what it must be like at the waiting to be linked/matched or waiting for introductions to start phase. I think for us 'newbies' just starting the process reading posts from those further down the line are fantastic to help us understand the process & what it's like when you have your LO homes  . But I also know, that this time next years, I'll   be in your shoes and there will be new 'newbies' starting out who will hopefully be as inspired by this thread as I am.

Happy days ladies


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi All! 


Auntie kate - I've just realised your intros start roughly 2 weeks after ours and we too are adopting a 2 year old little boy!! How exciting we are going through this at relatively the same time! Hope you are managing to get organised and the time isn't going too slowly.


Lizard 39 - I agree with you - what a fabulous supportive site this is. It has helped me all the way through the adoption process. Reading other people's experiences really helps you understand what will happen and other people feeling the same as you. The support is amazing   


Monkeymoo - good luck at matching panel next week!    


X-Lolly-X - I promise your time WILL come as every day that goes past you are closer to your goal. When your time comes = mass excitement and Panic! Lol!   


Wyxie - hope you are doing okay honey.


Well Ladies 3 days until we meet our LO!!!! I still can't believe it. Happy days!!!


Noodles XXXX


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Noodles that is so exciting! We've just had a load of clothes, bedding and toys given to us by a friend and I've been putting things in drawers, it's lovely being able to really get into it.  I can't wait to learn all about your experience during intros so we have an idea of what to expect!!  Very exciting indeed xxx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone


Gosh there's so much to catch up on. So sorry for not being around much I have been so busy.


Congratulations to u all who have been matched and have their forever family   


Good luck to u all, which ever stage u r at. We will all get there eventually.


Well we are now going to panel on the 18th July ( was suppose to b 20th June) but our old SW didn't request some forms being filled in and now we only just been told they need them ASAP. So were being pushed bk again. We don't seen to b having much luck    
We have completed HS just got tie up few ends then read through our PAR.
Our New SW has been fantastic in trying to move things along so quickly. She has been speaking to her manager about us alot.  She told us its a yes but not official till panel. But to go and celebrate now.....Also she was saying that they are already looking for a baby/young child for us and discussing us in lots of meetings. 


We have cleared out our spare bedroom ready for it to b transformed into a nursery. So eager to re-decorate it but thinking it mite b to soon?? How soon did u all prepare the nursery? And wot theme did u go with? 


Hope ur all well, I will catch up very soon.   


Lou xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Busy, busy on here my ladies. Welcome MonkeyMoo good luck for MP and great to have you back Lou nearly at AP great stuff. Noodles, Wyxi and Katie cannot wait for the intro updates. x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies

So sorry but we have had a break from the whole adoption after what happened to us we needed it, me and dh decided to just have a little us time as we were so all over the place, we have been doing lots of couple things but its still been hard.

Anyway i have just come on here to find 26 pages, wow too much to read as i will end up confused   

I hope all is well and everyone is moving forward, looking forward to catching up   

By the way our next panel is 9th august.

xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great to hear from you UL glad you have been trying to regenerate and look after yourself.  Roll on August hope it flies x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, can anyone remember the link to 'questions for foster carers'? I know someone posted it fairly recently but I'v been back lots and can't see it x


----------



## monkeymooo

Hi Greeniebop- I found this under the resource area - it's a great list!
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=171965.0


----------



## newmum

Snap lolly that's what I feel like   it's great to hear all the positive dreams come true and it makes me happy to read them and learn from experiences knowing that will be us soon. Would be nice to look into a crystal ball and see when we will find our LO's but its so exciting  

Nice to hear from you unconditional, glad you've had a nice rest and been enjoying couple things

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi just a quick post cos I am having my hair done today and selling a house! And unfortunately I may be putting my lovely Cat to sleep! But think we may be putting that off til tomorrow!! Hair is in prep for panel, house is the one we moved from as it only had two bedrooms and we would like a few kids!(oh listen to me!!!) and the cat... Well we have both agreed its the right thing to do but hubby is struggling and I know I will struggle in the aftermath!! But motivation is key to moving forward!! And what is more motivating than Panel coming soon!!! 
Hope u all are great!! So much lovely reading on here!!! Lots of love!!! X x x x


----------



## Anjelissa

Hugs to you frangipanii   , we've been through that a couple of times with beloved fur-babies, I know how heart breaking it is  
Anj x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Fran -   I know too well how it feels, as you know we had to say goodbye to Marmite recently, she too had cancer. It is absolutely heart breaking, and I still find myself thinking of her and crying now. The only thing that made it easier was knowing that she is not in pain now, I believe that she is still with us in spirit. Hugs to you and your dh x x x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fran. I hope the new panel hair looks awesome x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

gwyneth - thank you, i'm counting down the weeks now   Hope you are well.

nm2b - thank you, wouldn't it be great if those crystal balls really did work i think all us ladies would have one for sure!!

frangipanni - your sure having a busy  time, so sorry about your cat, glad to hear panel coming is keeping you motivated and positive   

dreams - sorry about your cat too   

xxx


----------



## Wyxie

Welcome back UL, I think a break from everything adoption related was very sensible.

Poppets Mammy, on the subject of the things kids say, Wyxling excelled herself in M & S yesterday. She is currently a bit obsessed with quantifying everything, be it big, small, medium, massive, quiet, loud, etc.

First of all we had "Dat" *point* "Big lady".

I made the mistake of stopping to gather my thoughts at this point and Wyxling doesn't like to be ignored so her volume went up a few decibels, and she grabbed my hand and pretty much shouted "Look Mummy, dat, big lady." Thinking it couldn't get much worse? No, she then had a think, and came out with "No, big, no... dat _huge_ lady."

We have since had a chat about what one does and does not say about people when out and about.


----------



## snapdragon

I don't post much nowadays but a quick update from me. Lo has been with us over 5 months now  we went away for the first time at the weekend, just a couple of nights in a hotel but it was great. Lo was charming everyone with his cheeky grin. We had a few meals out and he was really well behaved. Going to bed at 8 was strange though. Los language was rather delayed when he came but he is coming on so well lately, mostly single words, too many to count now, but he is starting to put them together. He is 27 months old now and it feels like he has always been here.


On a not so positive front the single woman I met through training came to visit last week and is really struggling to bond with her lo but its only been 3 weeks.

Its lovely reading all your news.


----------



## Frangipanii

Snapdragon.... wonderful to read truly!!!! So inspiring!!!! Sad hearing about the other lady!! Hope she's getting as much support as possible!!
Wyxie..... I dread with a passion that moment!!!!! 
Unconditional love..... Glad to read about panel date!!!! And thanks for support!! Hope u are ok! Glad you are back!!much love to you!!
Gwyneth.... Thanks lovely!! So excited for you about tomorrow!!! Enjoy it, hope it goes fabulous!!
Emma.... FANTASTIC news that your boy is home!! Congratulations!!!! 
Anjelissa and Dreams thanks!!! 
Hair looks awesome thanks, although having recently gone from peroxide blonde to caramel Brown is still a shock to me!!! But my hair dresser is so lovely it is like therapy for three hours!
house is sold but it went all wrong but at least it has gone it was a burden!!! 
As for the cat... Hubby and mother have said he still has too much quality of life to put him down just yet!! So I give up, he is still active and eating and purring but sadly I would rather do it sooner! I have been highly criticised for this so I am now going to keep my trap shut'!! 
Panel papers have been signed but we are still missing one reference which could be a disaster!! Going to sort it tomorrow!!! 
Dh's parents have been in touch today to say a great Aunty has died and left him some money! The gutting fact is not the death but his parents being in contact!!! We have told them we don't want anything to do them and this is an unavoidable situation! Just felt so good them not knowing where we live and them finally seeming to get the message!! They are awful awful people!!
was about to say other than that life is good but it doesn't quite ring true ha ha!! But I am in a good place ready to take on any one!   
anyway love
to you all!! Looking forward to reading about the upcoming intros!!! And of course Gwyneths prep group!! And cannot wait to hear of some links for our ladies in waiting!!!! Come on social workers get your fingers out!!!!
F x x x


----------



## gettina

Haha wyxie - cringey doesn't go halfway does it! Still giggle abut the car parking re enactments when I think of it! 
So much going on for you Fran- a right mixed bag. Hope your lovely puss enjoys its life for a while yet.  Good luck with the reference issue. Stresssssss.

Lovely to hear from you snapdragon - thanks for checking in and I'm thrilled to read little one is so settled and you are so happy. 

Uc -  

Monkey moo "had to get a milkshake and massive bag of popcorn", welcome woman, you are going to fit in just fine! X

Good patience for now lolly!

Love to all. 

We have our last hs session on Thursday - woohoo - but panel not till late aug - sw leaving herself plenty of time to write that par!   still, it's going in the right direction. Also, after a lot of years of feeling sorry for ourselves and not overly impressed by friends and family during IVF, we have felt very supported and loved by our very closest friends who have gone out of their way, in one case coming up from Oxford, to be our references. Nice to feel all warm and positive when reflecting on that. 

Gettina x


----------



## Wyxie

It's really good that your friends are supporting you. Gettina.  We too have had wonderful support from some of our friends, and our family, for all our current difficulties, have helped a lot, my husband's in particular.  It means a lot.

It's hard once the "doing things" phase is over, and the waiting starts.  I hope the next couple of months go by fairly quickly.  Is a holiday before panel feasible?  If so I would definitely recommend it.  Once you're approved it feels harder to think about booking something because you "don't know" what is happening and don't want anything to interfere.  Or would booking something for immediately after panel be possible?

Just having time together while you still can "just the two of you" will mean so much later on.  Plus you can get lots of photos so you can tell your child all about it later on!  Wyxling loves looking at photos of hubby and me when we were younger and on holiday, and always wants to know about whether she will come with us when we go away again, which of course we tell her we will.  She likes our wedding and honeymoon photos and we look at them and she likes to hear about how she was just a dream then, and I tell her we were already looking forward to her, it took a long time for us to find each other, but that it was worth all the waiting.  Gives a nice opening into the whole subject.

OOoooh, I rambled, I had a beer, whoops!


----------



## gettina

Well since you ask wyxie, and I just love talking about holidays, we are off to france pre panel, in a month. A week of relxed couple time, camping our way down towards the south then a week in a villa with my family, including my one yearold nephew who I can't wait to spend a proper chunk of time with - lives in london and i don't see him half enough. And hopefully another sister and her new baby but stressfully the red tape round passports in dubai where they live means they may not be able to come. 

And *praying we get approved* if no talk of matching by October we might head off for another break in late autumn. Plus have plenty to do at home, clearing cupboards, etc etc. 

"She was just a dream" - what a lovely way of putting it. 

X


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Just a quick one as at work but we are officially linked now and heading to panel next month So so so excited. We have been told to make a talking photo album. Did you guys just say basic stuff? I am all a dither Promise to catch up later x


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Greenie that is fantastic news!! Soooo pleased for you.

Snapdragon -lovely to hear from you and that all is going well. We too are planning our first family holiday.
X x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Great news Greenie!  We are doing our (new, working) Tomy Album and just saying things like 'Hi Bluebird, I'm your mummy', 'Hi BB, this is your room' 'these are your dogs *** and *** and ***' etc etc... Keeping it simple! xx

Snapdragon, lovely to hear your great news! xx


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news Greenie


----------



## Primmer

That's great news Greenie - so pleased for you


----------



## crazyspaniel

Brilliant Greenie xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news greenie so happy for you 

Xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news Greenie. First day of prep done loved it great day read the diary for more details x x x


----------



## bluebabe

So pleased for you greenie xx


----------



## skyblu

Great news Greenie.xxx

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow so much happening!

Firstly Greenie, I am so so happy for you!  You have waited a long time for this moment so enjoy it!  Your little girl sounds delightful, very happy for you and your family!  

Frangi, oh i'm really sorry about your little cat    You must be so upset    I know when mine died at the beginning of the year I was inconsolable.  I hope his last few weeks are happy and pain free.  On a positive note it is good to hear about panel (all being well with this darn last reference  ) and your amazing hair!!  

Wyxie, have a lovely day!

Gwyneth, i'm so happy that your first day went well!  Roll on next week!  You'll be starting HS before you know it  

Unconditional, good to hear from you hun!  I hope that August is here soon and you get the yes you most certainly deserve  

Hope all the mummies, and especially brand new mummies Emma and Flash, are doing well and your LOs are settled and happy  

How are my waiting buddies Newmum and Doofuz doing?  I'm ok at the moment but obviously hoping for news soon  

 Lizard and everyone else starting this journey, you'll be sat where I am (limbo land  ) soon enough!  Hope you are all progressing well!

Eeeeek.... there will be some new intros soon and I am so excited to read all about them (assuming you are not too knackered to share!  

I keep buying toys    There are so many good sales on!  All generic either sex type stuff like puzzles and pop up toys etc.  Good from a young age but equally fab for 2-3 year olds.  I can get all sorts out at work and it is still the cause and effect bits they love the best!  But figure I may need to stop buying bits now until we get some news.  No harm in broadening my wishlist now though is there?!!!

Love to all, have a good day,

Lolly   xxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Thinking of you Wyxie xx

Lolly, I've had to stop DH bringing any more stuff home from work, his friends have been great, digging out loads of lovely stuff, but LO is bringing lots with him too, we'll end up with a house full lol! Mind you, the transporter with the huge crane on the back is amazing!! Can't wait until Bluebird sees it! x


----------



## newmum

Great news Greenie xx 

Doing ok thanks Lolly, SW called yesterday about a possible link eeeek amazing things are moving   

Hi all, just a short note tonight

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Congrats Greenie!!! Wonderful news!! 
Quick note - cos I am in the bath and I am supposed to be relaxing as sleep has decided to disappear from my life! Nerves I guess!!
Lolly u r a bad influence and now I want to buy everything!! Such fun!
we only have a few sleeps to go!! I am nervously spending fortune on outfits! Why when it is only going to be worn
for a few hours!! Don't wear frocks really so unless I am at a rugby do then I won't be wearing it again! Oh well it Can look pretty in the wardrobe! Hubbys nerves have started also!! Kinda lovely really!!
anyway best start enjoying the bubbles!! 
Hope everyone is fantabbydosey!!!
much love F x x x


----------



## Wyxie

Wyxling's SW didn't go the life appreciation day in the end, and it was a good day.  We heard so many lovely things about our little boy from everyone whose known him during his short life.

Today started brilliantly.  Wyxling had been upset yesterday about being left, and wouldn't talk to us when we got home, then we had a big upset, and everything was OK, if very clingy and subdued.  This morning we had a great play and she very cheerfully waves us off when we left, knowing we were going to meet Bladelet.  It was such a great feeling to go and leave her smiling.

Planning meeting this morning took longer than expected, mainly because of us realising we may need a little longer than we'd initially thought.  Plan is now for a move next Friday if possible, but probably the following Monday.

Then we went to meet our little boy.  

As soon as I walked in the room and saw him I was completely bowled over.  He's absolutely beautiful.  We took a shiny helium balloon which was definitely a hit, he loved it and soon worked out how to make all sorts of interesting noises with it.  He's such a happy, cheeky, giggly little monkey, and so very much like his big sister, it was impossible not to fall in love with him.  The hour and a half we spent there just vanished in a flash.  He was playful, smiley, alert and very aware of what was going on around him, quite brave about coming to us, trying to pull himself up and very determined to try and walk around.  We got lots of beautiful smiles, and a few cuddles.  We couldn't have hoped for things to go any better.

It was very hard, especially with how much he looked like our Wyxling, not to just scoop him up and snuggle him the second we walked in.  He looked and felt like our son as soon as we saw him.  Hubby was so happy.  He loves Wyxling very much, but she was very scared of men when we met her and it was months before she would have allowed the sort of casual contact that Bladelet will, in little things like holding a finger, or other small contacts.  

We're back tomorrow afternoon with Wyxling, she'll be involved for the rest of the introductions now, which is right.

When we got home today, we found a very upset and scared little girl.  Being Wyxling of course she doesn't cry, she's avoiding us, difficult, despondent, then when we get her and keep her with us she screams and fights and then cries.  Poor little Wyxling just doesn't understand at the moment.  Mostly, because we've left her for two almost full days, far more than we've ever done before, and she's really upset.  After we finally had the big upset that was coming the rest of the evening was Mummy, don't leave me.  I have promised her we will go everywhere together all day tomorrow.  Hubby is putting Wyxling to bed tonight, and she has had a big tantrum at bedtime.  Poor little thing is just settling and I think she'll go off to sleep now in seconds.

So, tomorrow we have a morning to ourselves and we'll go to the park, always good for a stressed Wyxling, then go to meet Bladelet in the afternoon.  I think the first meeting will be OK for her.  He's a smiley baby, and she loves smiley babies.  Having said that though, I'm far more scared about tomorrow than I was about today.

M-I-L is still here, not sure when she's planning on staying until.  Things are a little tense, but she's really kept Wyxling distracted the last two days.  Now we need to get back to just the three of us in the house, then add in number four.

I am feeling knackered, wired, excited, and brilliantly happy as well as incredibly guilty all at the same time.

Thanks to everyone who sent their good wishes, I'm sorry, I do not have time tonight to reply to everyone, but it really is very much appreciated.  This community has become a huge source of support very quickly.

Wyxie xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad your beautiful boy is as wonderful as his big sister hope their first meeting goes really well x x


----------



## Sq9

He sounds gorgeous.  I hope tomorrow goes well


----------



## newmum

Loved reading your post Wyxie, hope tomorrow goes well for you and your family x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Lovely post wyxie, look forward to reading you update tomorrow. 

Our intros feel like a lifetime ago now.

We have a very grisly teething little boy the last 2 days bless him, I've just got him to sleep not sure how long he'll sleep for so mummy will be going up soon. 

Big hugs everyone xxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

WYXIE WONDERFUL!!! So pleased for you!!! I am so so so so happy for you!!!! Lots of
love
in this special time!!
x x x


----------



## GoofyGirl

Amazing news Wyxie
Congratulations
GG xx


----------



## Frangipanii

I just have to say I am more nervous about panel then I have been about anything!!! I still have days to go!! I am not sure how some of you ladies have managed the nerves!!!! I can't stop thinking
about it or thinking how it could go! questioning if we could get turned down etc!! I mean I know we aren't perfect but we have given ourselves a 100% to every bit of this!!! I just don't know how I will cope!!! I am also
worried cos I always go bright red!! What ifs are running round and round!! Hubby and I are
getting on each other's nerves one second and madly in love the next second!!! It's ridiculous!!! Panel
is next week!! Omg scary stuff!!! X x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wyxie, lovely to hear about your intros and fab news that wyxling is going to be involved in the rest....all the best hun x

Frangi - DH and I were exactly the same I too am a blusher so I was paranoid that I'd look all flustered but panel was lovely. You will be fine. We walked in and saw all of these people which terrified me but as I looked at them they were all smiling....all the best hun x

AFU, we are going to look at buggies tomorrow!!!!! I never thought those words would come out of my mouth So so so excited. Have a fab weekend everyone x


----------



## Frangipanii

I am not alone then!!!! Enjoy buggie shopping!!! How ruddy exciting!!!! X x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Greenie - So pleased to hear about your link, Congratulations and enjoy shopping 😃🎉

Wixie - really pleased to hear about introductions and your marvellous little boy, sorry to hear about Wixlings upset, hope her meeting with her little brother helps her make sense of it all and she melts at the sight of him just like you and DH  

AFU - just a quicky, we've had a very successful holiday, not quite our usual style holiday like now we have Poppet in tow, lol. All has gone better then expected until today, we've had a massive hiccup. I'm going to write a post in the parenting adopted children thread so please if you have time have a read and any advice is welcome. We are all very upset


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Frangi, I was literally crapping myself about Adoption Panel, I felt sick, kept rushing to the loo and was borderline heading to a panic attach the way I kept feeling dizzy, but once we got in there and got going it wasn't so bad (it wasn't great, but wasn't so bad).  When we got to Matching Panel I was ready to kick some social worker ass because I didn't want to be messed about any more.  I was still nervous but not as bad and employed body language and interview techniques.  Apparently the Panel commented on how calm we were!    So the techniques obviously had the desired effect!  

I keep reminding myself (and we spoke about this the other night with friends) that we are an asset to them, we are really their clients, it shouldn't be them acting as though they are doing us a favour, it should be a partnership.  Once you get into that state of mind it puts their big scary show of power (Panel) into perspective.  

Think what we've put ourselves through:
Initial open evening
Home visit from 1st SW
Another trip to offices to complete forms
Prep Course (in our case 4 days over 2 weeks)
Home Study (god knows how many home visits)
Homework (all that paper filling)
Volunteer work to get more experience with kids
Medical (£80 each)
Going on the pill..
Adoption Panel
DM's Ratification
Follow up visits
Visits with LO's SW
Matching Meeting Decision
Matching Panel
Matching Panel DM's Ratification
Meeting to agree Intro timetable
Intros
Weeks of SW visits
Contact (direct or indirect)...

By doG we are super humans!    We rock and we kick ass big time! 

Poppets Mammy just saw your post as I was about to post this, will go read now,


----------



## crazyspaniel

Love it AuntieKatie!!


----------



## Arrows

You guys are really fun to 'listen' to! I love reading all your posts! 

When we went for our Adoption approval panel I was so nervous that although I'm normally very confident and chatty, I was white as a sheet, shaking and could barely speak! Everyone kept asking if I was okay!
Matching panel I wasn't nearly so nervous as I knew what to expect and we were reassured so much by the SWs with us. Still an amazing day!
This week our LOs new adoption certificate and birth certificate arrived (7wks after the court) and we can now PROVE he's ours -something we've known since we first read his profile! Paperwork always takes forever!!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Poppets mammy- so sorry to hear that! Much love to you all!
Auntie Kate - I just read your post out to Dh and it certainly helped his nerves! AFM it is amazing how awesome you are!! U r right it is about a partnership!! Our social worker conveys that but not sure the rest of the agency does!! But that is going to be my mantra!! It is not about kissing ass but making a good impression and being confident!!
I love the list it puts it in to perspective so that I can go wow look what we did and look how far we have come!!
ARROWS- wow congrats on the official paper work!! Proud moment for you!!! 
Love to all (again- I have no life other than my phone at the moment!)


----------



## skyblu

Wyxie - very pleased all is going well with intros, sorry wyxling is a little upset, but sure she will be happier now she is going to be involved in her baby brothers life for ever. 

Frangipanii - I know how you are feeling, we felt the same but honestly once you are in there you will start to relax a bit. 

Poppets Mummy - Welcome back. Glad you enjoyed your first family holiday. Sorry something has upset you all 

AFU - well Munchkin has been with us now for 3 months  1 week and 3 days (not that I am counting the days ) and it really feels she has always been with us.
She changes so much so quick and can't quite believe how quick she has gone from a pasty unhealthy looking child to a glowing healthy child, I believe it is all the country fresh air she is having 
She has recovered really well from her kidney infection and is back to her happy self and eating like a horse, which is lovely to see. It was a worrying time. 

She met her older sisters for the first time since she came to live us on Wednesday and it couldn't of gone any better. She was a little weary for the first 2 minutes and then the older one went up to her and said " it's o.k ***** I am your sister" and held her hand. After that all three were running about and the laughter was infectious, it was lovely and heart warming to see. I am glad we refused the meeting to take place at our home as I think It might have gone differently but instead we went to a local beach were they could run about and make sand castles and fly kites. We later made canvases of their hand prints in paint as a reminder of the day. We did quick goodbyes which worked and then munchkin asked to go and see nanny, were she talked and rambled for 30 minutes about her meeting. That night we were expecting some problems, she woke up once were she wanted a cuddle and she has never asked to be picked up from the cot since day one, even when she has been poorly, she rathers a back rub  than a cuddle. Explained that mummy and daddy were here for ever and that we loved her very much, she then looked at me with her huge brown eyes and gave me a kiss and said "loves you mummy, cot" and pointed to the cot and fell back to sleep, emotional or what. She has been fine since but we are aware it is still early days and something could still crop up.
We feel very lucky to have such a loving and laid back little girl, but every day I am just waiting for something to snap and it all goes horribly wrong. Any one else feel or felt like that. 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Wyxie

Frangipanii, it's hard waiting, and you've had a long wait for panel it seems, but just a few more days and you can heave a huge sigh of relief!  Will be thinking about you.

Greenie, enjoy buggy shopping!

Poppets Mammy and Skyblue, glad to hear things are going well.

Copied and pasted from another thread, not near to describing today, but I am simply knackered.

Last night was an absolutely terrible night's sleep.  Today was the day I was really very, very worried about.  We've tried to predict how Wyxling would react, but it's such a different situation for her, all we could really do was take our best guess.  I had nightmares all night that I left Wyxling again.  I promised her yesterday that we'd be together now, for the rest of the introductions with Bladelet, she'd be with us and no more Mummy leaving her.  All night I kept dreaming that I left her again, I forgot about her, left her and went out, and then when I came back I knew she'd never love me.  Felt like death by this morning, and tbh, I'm practically asleep now.

Anyway, needless to say I didn't accidentally leave Wyxling and go out, and never could, but I was really worried about her meeting with Bladelet.

In the end it went as well as I could have hoped.  Wyxling coped brilliantly, in what was obviously a really hard and confusing situation for her.  She was completely overwhelmed when we got to the f/c house, she never deals well with new places, especially ones with lots of big men in them!  But, once we got her to come out her shell a little she was fantastic.  She was very kind and gentle with Bladelet.  Very interested in playing with him, and doing things with him, helping him walk etc.  She was super quiet at bedtime when my husband and the f/c took him upstairs to put him into bed and went up to blow him a kiss.  She clearly didn't know how to behave in certain situations, in particular sharing toys.  Wyxling isn't the sort of child where you can just have a vague "we'll share and Mummy will step in when she thinks it's not working" sort of set up.  She needs to know the rules, for everything, she constantly questions.  She did get very agitated at times, and it was hard to bring her down in the f/c very busy house, but we managed OK and no blow ups.  I suspect there may be a whopper in the morning, but at least we got her home and to bed without any major drama.  Bladelet is teething, and didn't want to eat today, which is apparently very unusual.  Between his f/c and me we managed to get about half his dinner into him, and then hubby got a bit of weetabix in and some milk later on.

Bladelet is definitely more comfortable with me than with hubby, and was quite distressed when I went out the room with Wyxling on a couple of occasions, but easily soothed by me.  He also clearly wanted his f/c a few times when he was along with us which was good, from my point of view, and when I thought he needed to see a familiar face we popped in to see his f/c for a little bit.  Not that he was screaming for her, just looking and not quite happy.  We managed to get a good mix of time with us on our own and with the foster family, who were fantastic with us, Wyxling and Bladelet.  Hubby and I also both managed some brief one to one time with Wyxling, and I got some time on my own with Bladelet.  He's a really snuggly baby and very curious.  Also had some time with Wyxling and Bladelet, and no hubby, and that was really nice, even if it did make me realise how good I'm going to have to get a baby juggling.  Wyxling was utterly delighted that she got to have a snuggle sandwich with Bladelet as the Jam (I really need to get that book).  This is something she's been planning for ages.  Luckily he didn't object to a certain amount of squashing!

Wyxling didn't sleep in the car on the way back, although she was very tired, and I couldn't get her to sleep at this end either, before I left the room.  I was really hoping to.  She was pushing me away at various points in the day, which she does anyway at times, and I just ignored her and told her Mummy knew she needed cuddles.  Somewhat surprisingly, she didn't make a big fuss about it, other than when we got home and it took me a few minutes to get her to accept cuddles and she was trying to push herself out my arms.  Didn't last long, got her calmed down and she was asleep seconds after I left the room.

I am knackered, happy, and if I'm honest, more than anything right now, relieved.  Tomorrow is a rest day, which I think will be good for us too, we're back first thing on Monday.  Wyxling is not going to like the wake up call, I only hope I can get ready without waking her and put her back to sleep in the car, or we're in for a rough morning and she'll be very unhappy long before lunch!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Wyxie, I've sent you a PM, glad to see things have gone well with B but sorry MIL is being a pain, we don't see mine any more, makes our lives easier.  Of course yours isn't at that stage, but wanted to acknowledge that I understand the difficult nature of family relationships xx


----------



## newmum

Wow Wyxie sounds if you have your hands full and coping well with everything and such an emotional time.  Must've been horrible having those nightmares it must of really been playing on your mind.

My message won't do your post justice but thank you for sharing and hope you get some rest and DH enjoys his Father's Day.

You sound such a great Mum and your posts are very inspirational 

Hope you get some sleep tonight and no nightmares

Nm2b x


----------



## oliver222

Wylxie great reading your updates. Hope you manage to get a good sleep.

Had my second opinion visit and all went well. Par not finished but should be done by end of month for me to see. Panel should be August, two panels a month so not sure when in August but still is getting nearer.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks for sharing wyxie and glad intros are going well and that sucking is coping as best she can. It's such a lot for a LO to be dealing with.

Oliver222, panel will be here in no time

AFU, had an email from SW just now!!!! And panel is confirmed for July and we are scheduled to meet our LO a few days after my birthday and bring her home a few days before her first birthday we are so excited and just wishing the weeks away DH is fast asleep so can't wait to wake him up on Father's Day and his birthday to share the good news x


----------



## Primmer

Greenie - that is great news, so pleased for you


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi quick note as just back from gym and a bit sweaty! Ha ha I know too much information! Hubby is off to do half marathon this afternoon so in a rush!  

Wyxie....  So glad it went well!! Sounds amazing!! Congratulations on your lovely family!
Greeniebop.... What wonderful news!!!! So pleased for you!!
Oliver.... Good news on second opinion and panel getting closer! Exciting stuff!!
Skyblu.... Interesting times for you!! I think it is normal to worry, obviously I am not experienced in the parenting
Side!! Your love for your family is wonderful!! X x
Afm 3 sleeps!!!!! Omg


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Can I ask a question? When you go to MP do you get a temp adoption certificate? The reason I ask is I'm a teacher and head is really keen to interview in last week of term for my replacement but panel is on fri before last week but ratification won't be until 1st week of summer hols!!!!! Really not looking forward to having to tell them that they can't interview until hols or sept!!!!!


----------



## purplexed

Hi everyone

Wyxie, so pleased that intros are going so well and I hope wyxling isn't too upset today.
Greeniebop, sorry but you won't get any matching certificate until the final ratification I'm afraid. You will get a decision on the day and It is pretty much certain that the decision maker will agree with panel so if I were you I would tell them to crack on with the interviews after MP. We had our MP on 6th June and I had my last day at work on 7th June...still waiting for the final ratification and have told HR that I'll bring the matching certificate in when I get it!

3 more sleeps til intros with our little man. We're mooching around in our pjs having a last lazy Sunday. Planning a lovely roast beef dinner later for DHs first Father's Day!

Soooo exciting!!


----------



## Frangipanii

3 sleeps club purplexed how exciting!!! More so for you, how wonderful!!! Enjoy your day! Xx


----------



## purplexed

Fingers crossed for your panel Frangipani... It'll be a breeze!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

We haven't had anything yet but we only got Ratification on Friday.  Why not ask your LA to do the unthinkable and so a quick turnaround on the ratification from the DM? Some LA's do it the same day, no reason why they couldn't, for a very good reason, do it more quickly? 

Purlexed, can't wait to hear about your intros!! Fangi, good luck!!  

AFU, I am still on a little high from our chat to FC and can't wait to go shopping with her for our little boy's shoes!!! We get to choose but SS pay, even better!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Greenie - we got a matching certificate on the day of panel to hand in to work to sort out adoption leave etc. I suppose every LA is different.

Wixie - Hope intro's are still going well, love reading your updates xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all, just catching up with everyone's news - there is so much of it! Great to see!

I have just had an operation on my left arm to move a nerve so the fact that there is so much to catch up on will certainly keep me busy. My hubbie has rigged my TV up to my PC so I can use it easier during my convalescence!

As arm is not up to much typing wise, I just wanted to say hiya and pleased to see so much good news on here  lots of ;pve Brummie xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Brummiemill - heal quick!!! 
Thanks peeps!!
just wondering can u go too smart to panel? Hubby is wearing a suit and I am wearing a dress! What did people wear?! X x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi frangipani, wear what you feel comfortable in DH wore smart jeans, coloured polo shirt and jumper, I wore smart dress. All the best Hun.

Afu, as I said panel is confirmed and we've been given date that we are due to meet LO, DH is referring to her as his daughter which is so cute although we will be relieved once panel is over and it's 'official'. Ordered tomy talking album today, have decided on buggy, car seat and cot bed so its all starting to feel real it's my birthday weekend before we meet LO so we're going to go away for the night as our last 'us' time for a while hope everyone is keeping well x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

frangipanii said:


> Brummiemill - heal quick!!!
> Thanks peeps!!
> just wondering can u go too smart to panel? Hubby is wearing a suit and I am wearing a dress! What did people wear?! X x


We both wore smart jeans and I wore a nice top, DH wore a shirt I think... Can't really remember now. TBH, when I saw how half the panel dressed on their photos that we got with the invitation I wasn't too worried, I also thought, they want to see I can parent so crawling around on the floor and wiping sick off your jeans are both likely scenarios lol!

Good luck ladies, those with big milestones this week and those who are learning all about their new families every day xxx

Brummie, feel better soon! x


----------



## purplexed

My DH wore jeans and a nice jumper. I wore a summer day dress, but I always wear dresses anyway so I didn't feel dressed up at all.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fran, really close now, very excited for you lovely   hope you are feeling ok, I know I had constant butterflies but it really is a positive experience. I wore a dress too, other half smart black jeans with a shirt and cardi. Your new hair will knock em dead anyway  

Greenie, brilliant news and so lovely to hear hubby talk that way. I bet you are just bursting. It's been a long time coming and you deserve to feel so excited!!

Lots happening on here at the moment, great to read! Except you brummie you poor thing. Feel better soon hun


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I love being part of world adoption so much more positive and lovely than other world. Greenie get that buggy and car seat in the back of the car and enjoy ever second. 

Fran sending loads of love for panel as Lolly said the hair will do all the talking I'm sure. Re what to wear obviously no experience yet and you may not want advice from the lady who stood for about 20 minutes in her underwear saying she had no clothes before the first day of prep. Luckily DH kept his rationality as always and picked out a top and jeans for me. However I think go in comfortable everyday but the smart side of everyday if that makes sense. You are showing yourself to be a potential parent and parents wear day to day clothes jeans etc but you also want to look like you are taking it seriously and have made an effort.  

Brumie so sorry your not so good hope you heal super fast. Although some time out means more time for reading etc. 

To all those Mummies waiting for their matches   this week is your week x x xx


----------



## Flash123

Ladies and gents, I am so sorry I have been awol. I have been reading and thinking of you all. I haven't worked out when I'm meant to eat, shower or go to the toilet yet...let alone post! There is so much going on. So many lovely stories, lots of links, panels and intros...simply fantastic.I am so sorry i can't do personals at the mo but from the bottom of my heart I wish you all the best of luck - What ever you are about to do or are doing.

AFU - well our little one came home 1 week yesterday and i can honestly say its been the hardest and most exhausting (apart from intros!) and most wonderful and amazing week of my life. The naughty sausage is simply amazing. 

We found intros really tough. We were driving over 2 hours a day, the fc home was utter manic with loads of visitors/family members popping in and out and lo had such close bonds with the fc and their family trying to bond was really hard. The time we spent on our own with lo was fantastic, it was just all the other crap that made it so hard. But thats all behind us now and we have our naughty sausage home where he belongs.
At fc he had very little or no routine so getting him into one has been hard but he is doing fantastic. He used to sleep where he dropped or needed to be rocked and sung to sleep but now He goes down in his cot (for me anyway - DH still needs to rock him!) at 7 and this morning we woke him at 8.40!!!! we couldnt believe it. Seeing his beautiful smile looking up at you when you see him first thing in the morning gets me everytime! He is so wicked and has totally wrapped DH around his little finger. He can be as happy and larry playing and he'll see DH and start half heartedly crying so he'll cuddle him - then he'll look at me and smile!    
I can honestly say I have never been so happy. Yes its tough, I haven't shaved my legs in I dont know how long, Haven't warn make up since day 1 of intros and as for the hoovering - as a gift my sister-in-law has offered to clean once a week till I go back to work - but do those things matter to lo - no way. He wants a mamma and Dadda who will love him to the moon and back - and thats what he has. It is a total dream come true

XXXX


----------



## Sq9

Lovely to hear how things are going flash - sounds amazing now he is home.  . Lovely to hear everyone else's updates too - lots of fabulous experiences going on at the moment.
I've had a bit of a rubbish start to the week as managed to split my tooth at the end of last week and had a nightmare getting an appointment with the dentist.  Managed to get an emergency appointment this morning and turns out tooth beyond repair so had to have the whole tooth (complete with metal rods from root canal filling) removed.  Took 30 minutes and 5 local anaesthetic injections and at one point I actually thought she was going to break my jaw  .  So didn't end up going back to work after that and have been recovering in the garden all afternoon! Have to go back on wed to check no infection.  Really hope my week improves!
Take care everyone xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww Flash, just lovely! So gl;ad he is home where he belongs and doing well.  Sounds like you have said goodbye to sleep but all more than worth it  

SQ, you poor thing.  I think you and Brummie can share in the sympathy stakes, more than deserve some.  Take is easy, big  

So today we were sent a profile and are asking for more information!  We were offered another but LO is going to school next time so felt a little too old (and felt awful saying it  )  It is EXTREMELY early days so am not getting excited, plus, we have limited info at this stage in order to make any kind of decision, but so far it looks good....  this is madness!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

This is your LO hunny. SQ9 so sorry about the tooth sounds awful. Flash loving it so glad your doing so well x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Brummiemill & SQ9 - wishing you both a quick recovery  

Flash - good to hear from you, sounds like your intro's were just like ours. It makes it so much harder and totally exhausting when the FC house is hectic with ppl, ours also had builders in as they were refurbishing. They were lovely ppl and have done a fantastic job bringing LO up (apart from lack of routine) but I just felt like more consideration and care could of been put into introductions. The travelling really takes it out of you doesn't it, we were travelling and hour each way, more if we got traffic and one day we had to do the trip 4 times. It's such a shattering and emotional time but sounds like LO and you guys are adapting well and doing a great job. 

I've had such a lovely day today, LO has just in the past 2 weeks grown so quickly, she's becoming more independent with play and her imagination is blooming. She's been very polite and cuddly today (which she normally is but just extra gorgeous today) just wanted to share that. Can see a huge change in her, she's growing and learning so quickly. One thing she's struggled with is colours, then all of a sudden today she's been getting them right - such a clever little poppet. She also slept from 7pm till 8:30 last night - total dream. So proud and happy 😊 xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah clever little poppet love the updates x


----------



## newmum

Wow so much to catch up on in such little time, some amazing news going on on planet adoption

Get well soon sQ9 hope the tooth improves, nothing worse than toothache, hope it improves ouch!

Brummie get well soon, lovely to hear DH is looking after you, enjoy the rest 

Flash wow intro's sound difficult it mus be amazing to get LO home and sounds like you are enjoying every minute. Doing a great job with routines and even getting a sneaky lie in!

Nice to hear from you again Poppets mammy, your LO sounds a delight and makes me wish for ours even more

Fran I too had a hair cut, made me feel special. I wore jeggings and a nice tunic too and DH smar jeans and shirt. We wanted to look like we had made an effect and also I wanted to look Mumsie and the type of Mum who plays on the floor with their children 

Greenie great panel is booked and you've started shopping, enjoy your last birthday just the two of you. 

Auntie Kateie enjoy your shoe shopping, how exciting. I can't wait till I can do the same

AFU our link wasn't our LO just knew it wasn't, sad for LO and hope all goes ok, wasn't an easy decision though I did go with my gut feeling. On a positive note this means SW is working behind the scenes and hope find LO very soon. Told my manager today in work that we've been improved and she said oh you will be going on adoption leave soon then and I said yes with a huge smile on my face, it felt so surreal I've been waiting for this moment for years felt like pinching myself

Hi to everyone else and hope all going well with you all 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Sorry to hear that newmum, that must be so hard and maybe something we have to also face soon   its a brave thing to do, I wish we hadn't seen a pic in a way as it'll make it more difficult cos all I see right now is a little face. Have to be realistic but must still hurt. Sending hugs


----------



## newmum

So today we were sent a profile and are asking for more information! We were offered another but LO is going to school next time so felt a little too old (and felt awful saying it ) It is EXTREMELY early days so am not getting excited, plus, we have limited info at this stage in order to make any kind of decision, but so far it looks good.... this is madness!! 
[/quote]

Sorry Lolly missed your earlier post hadn't realised you've been sent a profile, we didn't even get as far as a profile only a telephone conversation. How do you feel now you've seen the profile? Must be hard now you've seen a photo and you must have a million questions floating round your head. Not sure how I would have felt if I had seen a photo. Ooooh exciting though things are moving x x


----------



## Wyxie

Wow, lots to catch up on and I'm tired so probably not picked up on everything.

Flash, sounds like things are going well, and yes, intros are very tough aren't they?  Just exhausting.  Glad you're starting to get a routine down with l/o.

Poppets Mammy, lovely to read, so glad things are going well.

Frangii, good luck for panel, will be thinking about you.

Newmum2b, I'm sorry the link didn't work out, but well done for having the courage to say no.  It can be so hard.

Lolly, I hope things work out for you, when will you find out more? 

Copying and pasting from diary again, don't normally do this, but will during intros.

I am tired, we were up at 4:30 this morning after a terrible night's sleep.

Bladelet was very grizzly today, he's poorly, and not much seemed to be able to raise a smile except Wyxling.  He doesn't really scream, he just makes the most pathetic cries, and the poor little chap really probably didn't need some near strangers in his house with him all day.  He coped with it pretty well overall.  Wyxling's pretty miffed with me, but Bladelet and Wyxling have really taken to each other.  He absolutely loves watching her play, she loves seeing him do new things, like dance to the music I was playing for him, and likes to join in.  It was wonderful to watch.  There's a definite connection between them which I wouldn't have believed possible given they've never met.  We took them to the park this morning and he was loving watching Wyxling in the swings waving to him, and even had a little go in one himself, and quite enjoyed it.  Kicking myself for forgetting the camera!  He isn't really eating though, wants the food, but clearly eating is hurting, he's teething and made up with cold.  We were there until just after lunch today, lunch was not a complete success, no sandwich eaten despite the best efforts of hubby and the foster carer, so f/c suggested giving him a bottle which I did.  He then managed to accomplish what Wyxling has so far not in the last almost 13 months, and was sick - all over me.  Finally, I feel like a real Mum.

Sadly, the trip to the park cut short when someone came to tell us we'd left the handbrake off when we parked on the very steep hill by the park, and it had slipped backwards down the hill running into his wife's car, and a wall.  Hubby was really upset, not helped by the fact we agreed a part exchange deal on the car yesterday which this was going to mess up, and he's got 10 years no claims, arrg.  We raced back to the car, Wyxling very distressed by this point, and found that a. the handbrake was fully engaged, it must have failed; and b. the term "smashed up" was a little excessive to describe the low speed bump.  It had caused some damage though.  Hubby flapped, he does not deal well with situations like this, especially as the bloke was a little confrontational.  Anyway we got it all sorted out, we did have protected no claims so the damage to next year's insurance premium won't be too horrendous - hubby has 10 years no claims - and the dealership we'd arrange to part exchange with have said they'll give us almost as much as they would without the extra damage on the car. 

Hubby was finally calmed down, he was very upset, and we managed to have a good afternoon with Wyxling, in fact she was very snuggly almost right through.  Bedtime was not awesome, which was expected, but Wyxling is doing a lot better than we'd expected at this stage.


----------



## Duckling

Flash lovely to hear from you   . I've been dying to know how you are. You sound like you're doing brilliantly. My Lo came to sit on my lap with a book for me to read to him, whilst I sat on the toilet a few weeks ago  !!!


Hi to everyone else, sorry no more personals, fantastic news from so many of you. And    to those of you with links that haven't worked out. It will happen for you. X


A year and a half on and I'm still pinching myself with how lucky I am. All that infertility angst and now I feel so lucky that it happened this way. My Lo is a happy, chatty, inquisitive, non stop, gorgeous little boy.
I only get on here to read these days but I'm loving your supportive posts. Hang on in there everyone, those on or about to start intros look after yourselves and enjoy. 
Duckling xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Very similar to us newmum, we got asked about a little one nearing school age and felt just too grown up. Feel awful. I hope this is the one hun, for both of us. Hoping for more info tomorrow but maybe that is a little ambitious?! Staying very grounded, or at least trying to   its very very surreal!!

Wyxie, you poor thing and poor hubby. Most certainly the last thing you need but hopefully day wasn't totally spoilt. You two little ones seem to be bonding well and that must be heartwarming too see


----------



## Duckling

Oh Wyxie, the last thing you needed!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all

Lolly and nm2b - sorry about the profiles you have had to say no to, I know it's not easy! Good luck with your new links, I hope you find your perfect link soon x

Fran - I wore a dress and dh a suit, as we feel more confident dressed smart...and I wanted to justify a new dress (for both panels lol)! You should wear what you're most comfortable with x

Flash - glad your LO is doing well, he sounds settled which is fab. I know what you mean about being shattered and not finding time to post...the joys of motherhood  Enjoy your time as a new mummy, take your time to get settled and remember to take some time for you! X

Wyx - I love reading your posts! So glad Wyxling and bladet love each other, and seem comfortable with each other  Sorry to hear about the blip with the car, but glad you have managed to sort it! (I can imagine how my dh would have been....especially if I'd have parked it...handbrake failure or not lol!). I would love to meet up when you have settled in to being a wonderful mummy of two, let me know when you're ready...I am prepared fr wyxling to shout...big lady! Lol. Tht post made me laugh lol. Out of curiosity what pushchair have you got for 2 bubbas? Good luck with the rest of intros x 

Greenie - I love that you have found YOUR baby girl! I smile when I see your posts! Enjoy your shopping x

AK - enjoy the shoe shopping...bonus that ss are paying! 

PM - your little girl sounds wonderful x x

Afm - we had a lovely day at the zoo yesterday, then went for dinner and the kids were angelic! Until bedtime lol...DS decided to pick his wallpaper off his wall around his cot, but I age explained that it is not a good thing to do...and hasn't done it tonight, I have to redecorate when I know he has learnt to stop! Today eventful...I woke up feeling poorly so we had a lazy day, DD took her first steps (amazing)...6 weeks ago she couldn't even sit!!!! DS has been a dream today!! This afternoon we went to play in the garden and silly mummy slipped on the safety (dangerous) mats and I smashed my knee ...i just layed and cried (in agony!) and my DS came up to me said uh oh and cuddled me....TOOO cute lol! After I got over the shock I pulled myself together and sat with an icepack on it... It's massive and very sore...doesn't bode well for running around after a baby and toddler!! So dh has been looking after me tonight whilst I managed to SIT and do the biggest pile of ironing ever! 

Sorry no more personals as on phone and it is a pain to read back and catch up!

Xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Today's the day we meet our daughter, soooo excited!


----------



## Primmer

Crazy spaniel - have a great day - how exciting


----------



## newmum

Whoop whoop crazy spaniel enjoy your very special day x


----------



## purplexed

Flash, I loved reading your post about LO having DH wrapped round his little finger. My DH just giggles when he sees the photo of our LO.

Wyxie, sorry to hear about the car, that must have been a horrible shock but I'm glad your LOs are getting on so well.

Dreams, you poor thing smashing your knee up but awwww how cute that your DS gave you a hug...all better now!

Poppets mammy, your little girl sounds gorgeous!

Crazy Spaniel, Hooray hooray hooray. I bet you are so excited!, good luck and can't wait to hear all about it!!


Well tomorrow is the day we meet out little boy. His SW rang yesterday to say the DM had said yes so it's all official!! I've spent the last few days washing everything we own in the same washing powder that FC uses so that our house smells familiar for LO. The weather has been terrible so we've got clothes hanging everywhere to dry...must buy a tumble drier!! Can't wait for tomorrow!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

It's here, it's here!!!!   Have an amazing day Crazy Spaniel, I hope all your dreams come true  

Dreams, ouch!  there are a few ouchies on this thread at the moment!  You have my sympathy, hope knee isn't too painful today, and little man looks after you some more (what a total sweetie!)


----------



## crazyspaniel

Thank you ladies xxx


----------



## Flash123

Crazy and purplexed - I hope today and tomorrow  are everything you have drempt them to be and so much more. They are the  first day of the rest of your live's. Xxxx

Dreams - ouch and good luck !!!!! I can't imagine how difficult it must be or you xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Purplexed, much luck for tomorrow and CS, have a wonderful day!! DDCT, ouchie!  However, so lovely that your boy came to give you snuggles!!! Hope your knee is better today xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Brummie – hope you heal fast! Glad your hubby is looking after to you!!!

Greeniebop – wow! Congrats on panel date! How wonderful for you both! 

AuntieKate – thanks I like your thinking! Not long for you now! How are you feeling!? Hope that all the prep is going fantastic! 

x-Lolly-x – thanks, profiles hey! That is so exciting! It is your time! I hope this is the one!!!! Remember what you want and go for it! Cant wait to hear more good news!

Gwyneth – thanks, second day of prep for you tomorrow! Hope it is super! Are you looking forward to it! Sounds like a nice big group! 

Flash – got quite emotional reading your post, sounds like it was an eventful time! But an amazing one! Congratulations! I am truly happy for you! Oh and don’t worry about the legs! Just don’t forget if you wear a skirt or shorts!

Sq9 – hope you are feeling better! What an awful ordeal you have been through! I am not keen on dentists so you have my full sympathy!

Poppets Mammy – it sounds like a dream! Totally happy for you and so pleased that she is obviously where she was meant to be!

Newmum2b- It must be so difficult to choose, I am not quite ok with that bit yet, it must be so hard. But well done on sticking to your guns! 

Wyxie – omg that is awful! Obviously I am glad that it turned out alright in the end but what an ordeal! Especially at the moment! I am so sorry! I am soooo glad that you little family is doing so wonderfully though! It sounds magical! Meant to be! Congratulations on such wonderful success! 

Duckling – your post….wow…. keeps me dreaming! Thanks for positing – it is so positive to read things like that, it makes everything fit into my head properly!!!

Dreams- I am so sorry to hear about your poor knee but I do hope that you heal fast! Your family sounds wonderful and as I say to others meant to be! Ha ha you have a fantastic little family! Although pity about the wallpaper but hey never mind! 


CrazySpaniel – CONGRATULATIONS IT IS FINALLY HERE! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! MUCH MUCH LOVE!

PURPLEXED – I hope that you have the most magical day ever tomorrow and I will be thinking of you! It is what dreams are made of for you and Crazyspaniel!

Overjoyed for you both!!!

Hi to everyone else! 

By the way, the cat is still with us, he is skinny but fairly ok. He has only weeks to live but we have decided to make it as lovely and long as possible! So the minute he goes off his food we will take the next step! Vet is already outstanded by his ability to continue so we will fully respect that! It is hard but the right thing to do! 

Think someone else said this but it so nice and supportive on here and full of goodnews compared to the ivf forums! I cannot believe how positive my life is compared to when I was having ivf! I didn’t enjoy a second of it yet here I feel quite at home! I still lurk on the other pages and my heart fills with sadness for what some of the ladies are going through as a lot of us have been through. I embrace the difference I feel a part of the adoption world and I hope that more people find their happiness here. I recognise that I have a long way to go yet! But with panel tomorrow I am hoping that my journey is slightly more cemented soon enough! Thanks to all of you for being supportive and lovely!

I am sick with nerves, and I am going to wear a dress cos it feels right! I think it doesn’t matter what you wear as long as it feels right so thanks for the advice there ladies!

Much love to you all!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fran, you will be just fine, although I get it. I was a wreck but really shouldn't have been. I can't wait to hear how you have gotten on, I know it will be great news!!!  

Well social worker emailed back before 9 today! Childs social worker has our par so I guess we wait and hope we get to see cpr. We have been advised that others may be looking at the profile so staying very cautious for now. Hoping but being realistic. We really don't know anything about anything yet, but hey, just getting a profile is great. Shows things are happening behind the scenes. 

Love to all xxxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

That's great lolly, sounds like your sw is really on the ball, hope you don't have to wait too long for news xx

Franji good luck for panel tomorrow, will keep everything crossed for you lovely xx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone....


So much happening here I just can't keep up. Seems alot of us are having their dreams coming true and finally becoming mummy's   


I'm starting to get frustrated, our old social worker didnt tell us to fill in certain forms which we have done now but unfortunately were not asking panel this wk    been told will make panel on 18th July even if means pending forms. I have  emailed our social worker this wk to confirm panel next month so hubby can book time of work. I can't get a reply!! We was told to make next months panel we need to have par in by next wk....only thing is we still haven't seen a copy of it and were running out of time. Just feel like everything is being pushed bk yet again. Just want to   .


Sorry for rant.
Love to all.
Lou xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

There is so much happening on here and so much good news. I thought I would add a bit of my own. We are now going to start Home Study on 2nd July, so 2 weeks and counting. In the meantime we have to fill out our chronology for life events, (most were on the original application, so a bit of a duplication). 

Anyway feel like we are moving forwards again. 

Take Care 

Ali


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Wow what a day!!!
CrazySpaniel - hope today has been amazing. 
Purplexed and Fran - good luck for tomorrow not that you'll need it I am sure. 
DDCT - I am so sorry about your knee ouch   but your DS what a sweetie. 
Angel - I am sorry for your delay so frustrating  

To ladies waiting to hear all my   are with you. 

Second day of prep tomorrow can't wait hope it is as positive as last week xx x


----------



## newmum

Hi angel mummy 

I know how frustrating waiting for your PAR can be we got ours for one night and then that night I had to call SW to make changes (luckily not too many) then our panel date was 4 days later from memory. It was really cutting things fine.

Keep patient it will work out, I know how hard it can be x x


----------



## Sq9

Good luck for tomorrow fran and purplexed  and hope 2nd day of prep is good gwyneth . Looking forward to reading how today went crazyspaniel  . Fingers crossed this is the one lolly  
Hope everyone else is ok - so much going on on here at the moment which is amazing to read.
Take care xx


----------



## gettina

Just a quickie as am on my way out and had to say good luck to Fran for panel tomorrow. The day has finally come!

All the best to everyone, especially the ones who are in the midst of exciting times...and those who wish they were.
Gettina x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

Sorry not replied for a while. 

Our little man has been home a week today and omg he's amazing we love him so much and can't imagine him never being in our lives it feelis like he's been here forever. 
It's hard work and tiring but he's so worth it. 
He's got into an amazing routine and he's settling in so well. 

We have his review on Thursday so I'm hoping that goes well and the sw's can see how we'll he has settled. 

Today we've been to the zoo and he loved it  

Sorry no personals I'm shattered and I'm taking myself to bed. 

Good luck to everyone starting intros or those on panel. 

If your still waiting hang in there it's amazing it truly is. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Had a fantastic first meeting with DD this afternoon!!
She recognised us and was calling us mummy and daddy although did also look quite confused at times  
She's full of fun and has the most contagious giggle  
Spent time blowing bubbles and squashing ourselves into her play house and bring served pretend chicken and cheese!
Ds gets to meet her tomorrow, she has been telling everyone she has a brother and remembers his name each time x

It's taken us 2 yrs to get here but the giggling bundle of energy is so worth it xx
Keep strong all of you still waiting xxx

Cs x


----------



## Sq9

Sounds like you've had an amazing day cs


----------



## monkeymooo

Good luck at panel tomorrow Frangipan!! 
Emma what a lovely update, I can't wait to take our LO to zoo! X


----------



## Frangipanii

thanks all!!!! Nervous sleep time!! Wonderful support on here u r all amazing!!
Crazyspaniel!!so pleased u had such a wonderful day!! X x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Can't wait to hear about your yes today Fran x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck frangipani x


----------



## purplexed

Just a quick message to say good luck at panel today Frangi.
Great to hear about your amazing daughter crazy s.

We're getting ready to go and meet our son today....Ive got the water proof mascara ready!!!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Enjoy every minute purplexed


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good luck today Fran x x 

Purplexed have a fabulous day! Eeeeeek x


----------



## Primmer

Fran - good ouch today 

Purplexed - how exciting 

CrazySpaniel - sounds like yesterday went really well, good luck with the rest of introductions 

Emma - thanks for the lovely update, so nice to hear how you are getting on.

Alig - not long to home study, exciting to be making a start on it. 

Angel mummy - hugs for the delay and hope you make the July panel


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Crazy spaniel, sounds a brilliant day, what a cutie!! Have another amazing day  

Purplexed, enjoy meeting your baby! So exciting!! 

Thinking of everyone with big days ahead


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Purplexed, good luck!!  Have a wonderful day.
Fran, good luck with Panel! You'll rock them!

CS, keep enjoying your intros!  I can't wait till next week! xxxxx


----------



## newmum

Lovely hear your news Emma what a lovely post 


Crazyspaniel that must off been wonderful hearing those precious words mummy and daddy after all you've been through. And how sweet she can't wait to meet her brother, hope today goes as well

Good luck frangipani 

Enjoy your day purplexed

Wow so many fantastic families being created at the moment x x 

Can't wait for SW to contact us with a link....still coping though and not too impatient! 

What a glorious sunny day have a good one all

Nm2b x


----------



## Doofuz

Wow, a little time of being soooo busy to be on here and it all goes crazy! Good luck to those who are in the midst of finding, meeting and bringing home their little ones. 

We have had a crazy couple of weeks, it seems we may have a link and its hard but I have to say, we have fallen in love. We have a long weekend coming up thank goodness, when we are back we should have answers to many questions. There are many things that feel so right about this little one, I can't even begin to explain. Our original SW has gone sick and has been since two weeks before approval panel, we haven't heard anything from her since the beginning of May. Thank god for our stand in SW, she's been amazing and is like we have always had the pleasure of her being our support. Always the way  This little one is the first 'proper' profile we have looked at and reading the CPR is an experience in itself. We are crossing everything that this goes well as we truly think he is 'the one' but we know things go wrong, scared stiff. 

Have a good afternoon everyone, I'm going back to read the pages I've missed


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Doofuz how amazing!! So happy to read that. We have requested a cpr, are they emailed? Little ones profile was in the initial stages so now I'm constantly checking emails!! Probably get done soon for using phone in work time   it is crazy the attachment from just reading. We don't know much yet so trying to rein myself in but it's taking all my might! Exciting times hun


----------



## Frangipanii

Unanimous yes!!!!! We are approved!!!! And we saw CPRs which social worker had selected!!!! Omg absolutely amazing!!!! Thanks
Everyone! X x x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo fantastic news frangipani so happy for you. 
Hope you don't have to wait too long. Xxxxxxx


----------



## happypenguin

Congratulations Frangipanii
What an amazing day for you


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

HOORAH!!!!!!  How wonderful and exciting!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo frangipani and fingers crossed doofuz x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fingers crossed for you doofuz xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations Fran x x


----------



## Primmer

Fran - that is great news  

Doofuz - fingers crossed for the link, sounds very exciting


----------



## newmum

Exciting stuff lolly x x 

Congratulations Fran x x 

Nice to hear doofuz x x


----------



## purplexed

Congratulations Frangipani!!! You are a mummy!!!  

Met our gorgeous little man today. He was very shy at first, kept staring at us with his huge blue eyes..so beautiful! But we were soon rolling around on the floor together being crawled and dribbled all over. So special! He loves being tickled and was a giggly ball of fun all afternoon!

Can't wait to go back tomorrow.


----------



## oliver222

Purplexed glad everything went well.

Huge congrats Fran you must be on cloud 9.

Doofuz fingers crossed for your link.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Absolutely brilliant Fran, so so happy for you!!! What an amazing day, now go celebrate


----------



## Sq9

congratulations fran xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whooooooooo Fran and Purplexed x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi purplexed, sounds like you had an amazing day. Enjoy tomorrow with your LO x

Our tomy talking album arrived today so we're going to get decorating this weekend do that we can get on with pics to include. Signed off on APR and support plan last night and panel all on track so it's fingers crossed and all goes to plan. Have been told tht in 7 weeks she should be home!!!!!!! Hope you are all keeping well and hanging in there. X


----------



## gettina

Well done clever old Fran and DH!!!

sounds magical Purplexed.

whoah Greenie- after all this time, it now seems like it's moving fast - yay.

hey all  
gettina


----------



## Wyxie

Congratulations Frangipanii!

Really glad things went well Purplexed.


----------



## Doofuz

Congratulations Fran on your big yes! Its an amazing feeling 

Purplexed - So glad to hear your intros have started off well 

Greeniebop - How exciting, we have that album too, such a good idea 

Thanks for your support earlier about our maybe link, it sounds so positive. My H keeps saying he doesn't want to get excited but he is, I can tell. I don't want to wish the weekend away but ooooh, I'm looking forward to Monday already


----------



## farm boy

Congratulations Fran and husband, it must be the best feeling in the world. there are many on here like us that can only imagine 
(at the mo') how good it must be to have got the approval and have read some cpr's too.
very best of luck for a speedy match.

**..


----------



## Flash123

What fantastic news on hear at the mo.
Fran - wooooohoooooooo my lovely. I am hoping so much that the next stage is super quick and you have a lo/lo's   In your arms before you know it xx

Purplexed - it sounds like you had a magical day. I have no doubt that the image of meeting our lo for the first time with be tattooed on our hearts forever . I keep reliving our - it was amazing but I can honestly say its gets better and better and better and better.  Enjoy it lovely xx

Dinks - wooohooooo ...wish away the hours my dear. Its compulsory, in fact i do believe Its the law when you are waiting info on a lo xx


----------



## Flash123

Bugger pressed post instead of return arrrrr!!!!!

Greenie - omg those 7 weeks will fly by fanbloodytastic xxx

Farm boy - thanks for the message. How's things on the manor with mrs farmboy? Hope all is well xxx

Hi everyone else xx


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you flash ( I think you mean me. Dinks is well on her way to her little one ) 

My family have just left for France on a holiday that we said last year we would not be able to go on as we would hopefully not be able to. We got it almost right, they are away for 9 days so we wouldn't have been here for the info/hopefully making appointments  Its weird, this adoption stuff, everything happens for a reason and I am seeing signs popping up everywhere!


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks so much for all the messages!! Overwhelming to say the least! I read every single one out to hubby!! An emotional day all round! I cannot believe how amazing you all are and I thank you all! 
Our day was super! It was the most nervous we have ever been and sitting in front
Of panel could be likend to being on the apprentice only worse! But they were lovely! 
We asked our sw what happens next and she said well I have some profiles for you!! We nearly fell off our chairs!!! 
haven't consumed all of it but hubby has! To soon me thinks!! Never been so terrified in my life! 
Purplexed amazing reading your post!! Congrats! 
Sorry no more personals, I can't think straight!!
X x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

This forum is amazing at the min, well it has been for the past few months - just full of good news 😊

Congratulations on Approval Fran, so pleased for you and DH, it's about time you had some good news.

Perplexed - glad you enjoyed your first day, keep us updated, I still love reading intro posts, gives me goosebumps  

Greenie that's fantastic news, 7 weeks will fly by with all the appointments and visits and planning etc. . Plus all the shopping, tee hee. Enjoy xx


----------



## Flash123

Doofus am so sorry...I have baby brain  i blame it on too much waybaloos  

I also believe in signs. For me it's butterflies. My dad died when I was little and the florist added a material butterfly onto the flowers I chose for his funeral. I kept that butterfly and it's has gone everywhere with me. Then when when we were getting married I wanted a totally plain cake with nothing on it. On the day, the baker took me to it and said "I hope your not angry but when I was icing it I had the urge to put on a butterfly" . There on the back of the cake, where no-one could see was the tiniest butterfly. Every time  I have been through a tough time a butterfly has landed near or on me. when I left work I had lovely gifts but the last one they gave me i was told it was to wear on the day we met our little man, it was a scarf covered in butterflies. Then the day before we met him, we drove to the fc house to see where it was, on the outside they had a huge wrought iron butterfly. it may be just a co-incidence but to see it means such a lot. I felt it was my dads way of telling me everything was going to be ok. Xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwww flash that's so lovely , just made me cry  

Xxxxxxx


----------



## Doofuz

Beautiful post flash, and the butterfly truly is your very own sign  
Don't worry about baby brain, I have that now and at the moment, no baby


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

That's lovely flash   oh, and I have just read your post wearing a butterfly patterned dress


----------



## Doofuz

Lolly, I meant to answer you the other day, the CPR sent to us was emailed, but friends of ours had theirs posted. I think it depends on the child's social worker


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks hun, social worker mentioned posting it earlier which is a shame because now we have to wait   social worker did raise a few issues to think about which are very thought provoking. Kind of hope for it to all be straight forward but these are children in care so of course there are issues. She said she has a few for us to look at, I wonder what a few means?! So hopefully they will be with us Monday if not before. This part is very confusing!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah Flash so lovely   wish I had something like that to tell me everything will work out x xx x


----------



## Handstitchedmum

That is a beautiful story of hope. I will think of it whenever I look at the stained glass butterfly dangling at my office window.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Flash - love love love the butterfly story, such a wonderful post, thank you for sharing   xx


----------



## oliver222

Agree butterfly story was lovely


----------



## newmum

What a lovely story Fran

A wonderful thing happened to me today, this week I told colleagues in work that myself and DH have been approved to adopt and today I received a bouquet of flowers from inter flora from a colleague with a lovely congratulations message on! How nice was that made me feel so special, people are so nice x x


----------



## purplexed

Awww Flash that was a lovely story about the butterflies!

Sorry no other personals but I'm exhausted...but very happy!

Day 2 with our little man was magical, we had lots of hugs and giggles, we got to feed him his lunch and change his nappy. I think he's really taking to us as he only cried for his foster carer a few times.
Taking him out on our own tomorrow...people will see us and think we're a family...I keep pinching myself incase its all a dream!!!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Purplexed you are a family   Enjoy your first outing together, it's nerve wracking but you'll never forget it xx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Purplexed, of course you are a family but I do now what you mean. I used to like taking our nieces and nephews out because people would think those gorgeous kids belonged to me   and soon it will be true!  So glad you are having a great time xx


----------



## Wyxie

My post just got eaten.

Everything's going pretty well.  It's a very emotional, stressful, wonderful, upsetting and happy time all at once.

Wyxling is coping well, all things considered, better than we'd hoped.  Bladelet is wonderful.  They both are.

I'm tired!

Hope everyone is well, sorry no personals, I'm just too tired to do it all again!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Belated congratulations franji, I'm sure your still celebrating!! Xx


----------



## farm boy

hi all.
thanks flash. mrs ** is just great, getting a bit more nervous as panel gets closer, many here will know all about that. all things at the farm are just fine but we sure would like to see a bit more of the sun.
i love this thread with all the good news (mostly) keep it up you fab lot.
**..


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Frangi, hope you have a match soon 

Flash, lovely story about the butterflies, thanks for sharing.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All!! Yes still celebrating! But it has turned me into a complete wreck!!!! Sorry no personals my brother is over from Singapore for two nights so hectic is not the word!!!
After advice please!!! We are interested in a sibling group and have read CPR and want to go further!!! But what happens next!! What is the process?!? I never thought this far a head!!! 
Also another couple is interested although only a day or so before us! What does this mean?
So sorry for a selfish me post!!!
Love
To 
U 
all


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Fran, you are so allowed to think just about you!!!  

Our experience was that we were shown the CPR, we said we were interested right away but had the weekend to 'think about it'... We said we deff wanted to go ahead so our SW contacted LO's SW who said she was interested in meeting us.  There was another couple interested but they decided we were a much stronger match so didn't proceed with the other couple. We had a meeting with LO's SW, our SW and the Family Finding SW and they then had a matching meeting and agreed to put us forward to Matching Panel... We went, got a big fat yes and had that ratified a week later.  The whole process took around 2.5-3 months... We are now a week away from planning meeting and, that afternoon we meet our son...  

Just a very quick run down of our experience to give you some points of reference.  Big hugs, keep celebrating!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Girls... We are almost finished intros and what an Amazing week it has been!!! We were living away from home (no internet access = sorry!) Our gorgeous LO comes home forever on Sunday. As with Perplexed I will never ever forget the first time I saw our boy   WOW! .... and well now DH and I are completely smitten! Our FC's were so, so lovely, really helped us with everything and I'd even go so far as to say we've become friends   . I dont know how we will repay them - they have done an exceptional job with the first 2 years of our sons life. He is a really able LO - walks, talks, eats on own, will have 'conversations' with you. They have put in such a lot of work...


So my question tonight is really...... what present, special momento could we give FC??


So sorry I haven't put in any comments but Girls I am completely and utterly SHATTERED (really hoping I sleep tonight   ) So, so happy and so, so Chuffed. Well worth the wait Ladies - for all those on the never-ending-onward-infuriating-wait!!It IS worth it - hang on in there as dreams actually do come true!   


Happy, happy, happy Noodles XXX


----------



## Belliboo

So many great stories on here at the minute it's lovely to read them all xxxx


----------



## watakerfuffle

noodles1 - My AS also had a fab FC. We couldn;t decide what to get as a way of thanks but we decided on a young tree plant. FC had a large garden and the tree was a variety that doesn't grow to big!. We have kept in regular contact with FC which works really well for us and I think the best present for her was being asked to be god parent!


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Thx for the best wishes you guys sent for my recovery. Still sore but getting there  Wow it's been busy on here so here goes (in no particular order and if I miss anyone I apologise now).

Doofuz- fx all goes well for LO match.
Greenie-hope those weeks just fly by! 
Frang-huge congrats hun-hope LO match is soon. 
Gwyn-how is prep going?
Purplexed and Crazy Spaniel- great to hear your intros are going well and not long till your LOs come home. 
Angel Mum- hope you make July panel fx. 
Emma, Wyxie, Poppets Mommy, skyblu, Duckling, Flash, DDCT - love your updates. Keep them coming. Keeps those of us waiting in good spirits and full of hope! DdCt sorry to hear about your poorly knee. Is it any better?
NM2b hopefully not a long wait for you. 
AuntieK have a great time next week hun! 
** good luck with panel. 
Noodles sounds as if FC are amazing. So pleased you had great intros. Not long now till you bring LO home! 
Sq9 hope your tooth is better! 
Oliver222 fx now! 
Lolly fx you get your match and LO soon. 
As you can see I had a lot of reading to catch up on lol! 
AFU still waiting to hear from LA about definite place on September prep group but know they are not sending out paperwork for that till after 1st July changes then agency worker told us we prob won't know what hit us as system will really pick up pace. She is predicting our "cohort" to be at Jan or Feb 2014 panel. 
Had funny old week. Bittersweet really. Got a lovely bunch of flowers from work. Someone close to me has fried my head a bit but I am trying to rise above it. 
Love to all.


----------



## Frangipanii

Noodles wow what a week!! Fab!!!! X 
Brummiemill hope u get news of prep soon!!
Auntiekate - thanks brilliant break down! And gives me an idea of what happens! You are a star!
exhausted?!!!! Told all family ans friends ans what a brilliant reception we got!!! Such a lovely bunch! We are interested in one profile and will be taking it further! 
I am totally overwhelmed by it all!! Both cried lots!! 
Love to all!! X x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

We have been shown 7 profiles since Monday, very overwhelmed too!! And also have had tears!! Snap Fran!!


----------



## newmum

Wow 7 profiles lolly, how exciting and overwhelming

Tiny bit envious but chuffed for you

Wish our SW would hurry up with some profiles, I know it's not a number game and its gotta to be right for all of us, and of course it's our LO that counts but would be nice if SW could find LO ASAP 

SW only works part time so perhaps that's why? And I guess she is really busy

Frangipani how wonderful it's a great feeling enjoy 

Hope I don't sound negative and I am truly happy for everyone on this thread

Nm2b x


----------



## Lizard39

I can't believe how much is going on on this thread - it's all such wonderful news & so infectious at putting a smile on my face   

Those waiting for links - imagine this is the hardest part of adoption & knowing if a LO is right for you & you right for them.   When I met my hubby I knew he was 'the one' and when I tried on my wedding dress I knew that was the 'one' - so hoping when its our time we'll know when our LO is the one!  

Loving all the intro post - so thanks for sharing & know we have quite afew more in the coming weeks - bet you guys are getting excited. Make sure your enjoy your last few weeks of lie-ins   & time just with your other half as life will be a whirlwind when you LO(s) come home.

We had good news today - got the official acceptance for Prep in July, the name of our SW for HS and....OMG the provisional date for approval panel which is December   the next 6 months is going to be all system go I think   

Have a lovely weekend everyone. Hope the weather holds for us xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Lolly!!! Seven!? I am not coping with two CPR! In fact I haven't read one of them as the profile is not right and I think it feels like prying into someone's life! I know I am weird!!!
Newmum2b!!!! You will get some soon! I have to say though I 
wouldn't feel bad about giving her a push!!! Fingers crossed for you!!
Lizard!!!! Congrats on the prep etc!! Very very exciting for you!!! I am hoping it is an awesome six months and quick!
Hilarious evening! Spoke to God mother yesterday! To tell her our news(she didn't know anything prior) and she thought I was someone else(although I didn't realise this I knew something wasn't right but suspected early dementia and was really concerned)! She then went and told all her golf club and rotary group the great news about another member with the same name as me and similar to hubby! The couple were a bit shocked when they found out they had been approved to be parents without knowing!!oh my word!!! Hilariously embarrassing!!!!!
Anyway just thought I would share!
hubby is reading profile over and over again!! Hopes are up already! Pathetic I thought we would show some will power!!!
love to all!! X x x


----------



## Lizard39

That's so funny about your godmother Fran   bet the other couple had a shock! So sweet that your hubby is reading the profile over and over. Lets hope this is the one


----------



## Wyxie

The last two days have been wonderful at times, and incredibly hard at times. 

Wyxling is struggling, and I hate seeing her so upset.  She's getting agitated, then tantrums when things aren't exactly as she wants, and really, it's just random little stuff that even for a child too young to have perspective, is silly, then very upset when she's finished raging.  She's trying very hard with sharing after a big discussion about this, and she's trying really hard with Bladelet, she likes him being around and is really keen to help him and be with us.  She seems to be coping with the idea of a change in our family really well, but the stress of little routine things changing, the upheaval of us coming and going for the travelling, are just too much for her.  The introductions have just gone on too long for Wyxling, although Bladelet needed the extra time, and she needs things to settle down now and for us to get few the next few weeks and into our new routine.  I'm struggling to help her to regulate with the distraction of all Bladelet's toys.  On an up note, other than a very determined bite earlier, which was just sheer frustration, I've not had any attacks, and no serious attempts to hurt herself.

Bladelet is doing really well most of the time, but is clearly utterly fed up with being shoved in the car.  Luckily he's relatively un-phased by Wyxling's tantrums - we've had 3 today while he's been here and he hardly batted an eyelid - but when she's OK and playing with him or doing little things for him to copy, he loves it and giggles away.  We've both had lots of nice time with him, getting him to sleep fairly easily at nap times.  He's very snuggly when he's tired, curious and determined to explore, and very playful.  He's a really easy baby to entertain and keep smiling.  He's starting to look forward to seeing us and holds his arms out for a cuddle when we see him.  When I look back in the car and see those two pairs of huge brown eyes and two chuckling babies, it just feels wonderful.  I feel like we've done as much as can be achieved in the introductions now.

Almost time to bring him home and have our family complete.

Hope everyone is well.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Wyxie - I understand you having ' had too much of introductions' now!! We are 8 days in and it's been truly amazing! Thankfully we take our little champ home tomorrow!!!!! We are both completely and utterly exhausted - I feel like an emotional wreck. Our poor  LO has chicken pox and he has had so much going on this week. I really hope he is okay....I really worry about him.... He has crept into our hearts....


As I said we bring him home tomorrow = WOW!!!! The rest of our lives begin !!


Sorry this is sooo short I don't think Ive ever been so tired..  


Noodles xxx


----------



## skyblu

Just  a short post, Wyxie      you are doing a great job.

Noodles, wow, have a great day tomorrow,  

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## newmum

Hope you had a good day today noodles? X


----------



## Frangipanii

Please please please can someone tell me what being linked is?!? X


----------



## Dreams do come true

You are linked when both parties agree that you are right for the LO(s), and you become matched at MP!

I hope that post means good things  xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

All going very well and I am absolutely knackered!


Our LO is a complete delight. He has had chicken pox during introductions and basically he has got on with it! All these new thing s for him AND being ill. He is passed the worst and thankfully on the mend. We played together all day today. AT 2 he is into EVERYTHING! It's amazing to see him exploring his environment...he is interested in everything and I ove just watching him pottering about. After 9 days intros and 2 days home we are developing quite a bond. I adore him. And he ... well he's just sussing me out I think. He is clever with a very naughty sense of humour. Today he really made me laugh when we were reading Where Is Spot? It's about a little dog who is hiding. In each hiding place there is a different animal and not Spot. Our LO knows all the animals and near the end where it is a turtle hiding he looks at me out the corner of his eye and says to me ' It's Corrie' which is our labradors name!!! Then he laughs hysterically and looks at me for a reaction!!!! LOL ! So funny ... and I know he is 2 days my son but I could just eat him up he is just soooo Special. How can he go through all that transition AND illness - take in all we are trying to tell him...and make a joke of it It's lovely Girls. It's what dreams are made of ( I am tearing up as I write this). 


When in the supermarket I was talking to him non-stop out loud. FC showed me he understands a lot and learns through this... I felt like stopping people and saying LOOK this is my Son! So Chuffed!


I am now going on a bit and probably starting to bore you all... but suffice to say ... it's wonderful to finally enjoy being MUM.


Off to check - or look at my boy - in his cot sleeping = LOVE


Noodles xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Not bored!! Not bored!! More please    It's just amazing and wonderful to hear how well you are doing! xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks Dreams!!! Yes it means things are going excellently! We are now being considered for a set of siblings and the social workers are really interested and are coming to see us! We have so much to do!!!! House is not decorated and field needs work!! Hubby is in love! As am I although I have questions!! I feel a bit shocked that this seems
be it!!! It's awesome! Obviously got my hopes!!!! 
Noodles!!! Magical reading!!!! Makes your heart melt to mush!!!!!! 
Off on a spa day tomorrow! Need a break! Can't wait!!! 
Love to all x x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Noodles -   i wish you all oodles of happiness with baby noodles, sounds perfect x

Frangipani - Eeeeeeeek! You're excited, I can tell by the exclamations...I do the same lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is it a competitive match? X


----------



## Wyxie

So glad things are going well Noodles, that's lovely to read.

I've had a tough one.  Bladelet is home, Wyxling is deteriorating, I am panicking.


----------



## Frangipanii

Well there was two couples but now there are only one!! Us!!!!! Xxxx


----------



## Wyxie

Great news Frangi, so quick!  I bet you're incredibly excited!


----------



## Frangipanii

Must have posted at same time! Wyxie!!! Yes very very excited!!!! I am sorry to hear about things with you!!! You are wonderful at advice for the rest of us so what would you say if we told you what was going on was the same! Remember have confidence in your self!!! You are so brilliant at support I am just sorry I can't help further!!! Much love to you!!! X x x


----------



## newmum

Great news Frangipani hope all goes well, exciting times ahead

Noodles you sound one very happy proud Mummy, happy times

Wyxie stay strong   it will all take time and it will all work out  

AFU. Had contact from SW with an update, the search widens for our LO   all good 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Noodles, wow, what a lovely post   so happy for you and little one. Love hearing all about it, must be a magical time. Savour it and keep sharing because we all love to read about a happy ending!!  

Fran, oh my goodness, just so excited for you hunny! I know social worker was confident of a quick links and match but this is crazy   keep us posted!!

Newmum, sounds good your end. All crossed your little one is right there waiting to be found!

Oh Wyxie I'm so sorry. I don't really have much experience to offer but could it be the age old saying of things get worse before they get better. Everything has changed but you will reestablish a new norm and routine that hopefully will comfort wyxling in time. Really thinking of you all and sending love

Hope everyone else is ok

So we have enquired about another little one. Problem is social worker just looked on her system and we all know these are not always up to date. Wouldn't be surprised if little one is linked already. I guess if it's meant to be it'll be. Also social worker keeps talking about 8 month old she thinks may be a good link. But it scares the life out of me!! No profile yet as think his documents are still being processed. Goodness, it's all madness


----------



## Sq9

Sending you massive hugs wyxie. You are doing an amazing job and things will improve, I'm sure, once the dust settles. Look how far wyxling has come since this time last year, and she will improve in leaps and bounds again soon, perhaps just taking her a bit of time to get her head round the changes.  it takes time for any child to adjust when another one comes along to compete for attention, but I guess it will be even harder for wyxling given all she has to had to contend with before she met her amazing forever mum and dad.  Take care of yourself   
Congratulations noodles - sounds utterly fabulous.  Fingers crossed for you fran - amazing how quickly things are moving.  Sounds positive for you too lolly - your lo is on their way to you.
Hope everyone else is ok.  
Take care xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Frangipanii - Congrats. finally it is happening for you!!  


Aunt Kate - It's defo Love!   


Wyxie - It takes time. A lot of time - maybe - for your first child. Honestly be very easy on yourself - Please. One day at a time. I just want to cuddle you   


The boy is still sleeping    I'm struggling to stay awake...




Noodles xxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Wyxie,
We have some sibling rivalry going on here and LO not moved in yet... I can only imagine how much harder it is for you and your two xx
I'm struggling slightly with guilt, I feel constantly pulled in two directions at the moment, guess things will settle and I'll have to try not to be quite such a perfectionist! Xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

P.s. fast work Franji   xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Wyx -   stay calm, you can do this, you are a fab mum and you will always be a fab mum. Wyxling just needs to see that there is enough love to go around, she needs to see that she is still and will always be your number one girl. Keep smiling, you will all get through this and it will be so worth it. Love to you all x x  

Fran - sounds rather positive...I have everything crossed for you  x


----------



## gettina

Wyxie -   firstly congratulations on bringing your little boy home! major milestone. regarding wyxling, isn't there generally two steps forward and one back? So, at the mo she's taking one back. Apart from the toll it takes on you that's just about ok isn't it. Good luck with giving them as much of yourself as you can manage and then doing something for you - a chocolate bar, glass of wine, chapter of a book, computer game, whatever you most want/ can manage, because you are all doing as well as you can and in your case, that's really really well. 

Wow frangi! 
Thrilled for you noodles.
Nice one nmtb

Hey everyone else. 
Gettina x


----------



## Doofuz

Morning 

Wyxie, congratulations on bringing Bladelet home, and I hope things get easier for you soon. Its bound to be hard at first. Hugs for you 

Fran, congratulations again on your link, how exciting for you 

Noodles, lovely post, so nice to read up on how you're getting on 

Lolly, good luck with the little one you have enquired about. Fingers crossed for you 

New mum, Fingers crossed for you too, looking forward to hearing more about it 

Gettina, hello  Hope you are well 

AFU, we too have enquired after a new little lad. We hope to hear more about him this week. Its hard waiting but have stuff to keep us busy. We are going to an exchange day tomorrow as we have been told to keep our options open at this point. We are looking forward to a day out together as its a bit of a drive away, we like to spend time talking in the car and we are having lunch before we go in and catching up with friends afterwards which will be great. Today, lovely weather and I'm going to sort out the garden  

Have a great day everyone


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Sadly little one has a significant medical difficulty. It's so hard and I feel so shallow that we can't meet these needs


----------



## Doofuz

Lolly, definitely do not feel shallow. We got so excited about a link last week and upon reading the CPR, we found out he had way more needs than we first thought and we had to say no. It took me a couple of days to get over it, luckily we were away camping so we had lots of time to think about it. It was our first real possible link and we have learnt a lot from it. Take some time to think and try to use the experience to help you with the next child who could be the one. Hugs x


----------



## daisy0609

This might sound like a stupid question but I'm going to ask it anyway coz that's my speciality! Where do you find these children that you are enquiring about?x


----------



## Doofuz

Daisy, our sw contacted us about them...you can also look on be my parent and children who wait - online. You have to be approved in order to go ahead on them, although if you are close to panel you can sometimes enquire then


----------



## daisy0609

We have been approved since march n our la r paying for us to join adoption uk coz you just can't get children who wait on their own can you?x


----------



## Doofuz

If you're approved then you can search on be my parent. I'm not too sure on CWW as we aren't on there at all. We have had quite a few profiles sent to us via the SW, we've hardly had time to look on BMP. Good luck with your searching


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you doofuz   thats the thing, the profiles read so nicely but when you look further the two we were interested in had needs above the level of care and support we could give at this time in our lives   we have been sent another few profiles, social worker is bombarding slightly but I admit that despite the heartache of late I am grateful. Some are too close, they think we will be ok but the profiles say to avoid the local town and surrounding areas, plus I work in the town so too much of a risk. We are once again asking for more information on a little one and social worker has seen another piece thinks we may consider so profile on its way. She is brilliant  but also as we are with a VA I reckon a lot is also money driven. Not being cynical, it's business at the end of the day no matter which way you look at it

Daisy we are part of a consortium so these profiles are all what she has found  on the database or discussed with neighbouring authorities workers. Hope you hear very soon  Feb


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all, just lurking, reading and catching up on all the news!

Lolly - it must be exciting times but also difficult deciding on the right LO from the profiles. Wishing you every success! And gto you too Doofuz  and Daisy  and NM2B 

Wyxie - hope things get easier for you now that you have brought Bladelet home 

Fran - fx for your link 

Noodles - keep the udates coming glad you are doing so well 

Hi to auntie Katie, Gettina, Sq9, Gwynneth, DDCT, any newbies or anyone else. I haven't forgotten anyone intentionally - its just so wonderfully and happily busy on here lately


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Just arrived home from 2 weeks in Mexico. Loved EVERY second - suffering from jet lag now though. DH and I have our prep group on the 12th & 19th July. It's over 2 days 10am-4pm. So excited to get started.

I'm a little behind on everyone's status at the moment. How are you all? X


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi girls apologies in advance for the me post but I want some advice....our LA seem to be really dragging their heels generally at the mo until the 1st July changes come into force. We have been told by our social worker on the phone and in writing that we will or should be on the September pre course and to wait to hear from the training lady. The course will mean taking one day a week off for a month. As I work in a school I need to tell my boss in the next few weeks. I may be panicking unnecessarily but my boss has been fab and I don't want to annoy her or annoy the SS by keep "pestering". If you remember we didnt hear for three or four weeks after our initial visit. I can understand the powers that be have asked the department in SS to slow up till the changes happen next week but I feel frustrated I can't get the info I need to tell my employer. I worry if they think am worried about booking time off they might penalise us and put us in a later prep course? 

Help! Xxxx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone,


Wow so much to catch up on. Will read through later. I've not been well, full of a cold and sore throat.


Hope everyone is well, good luck to all starting prep courses, HS , meeting with LO's or wot ever stage ur at.


I'm getting our PAR on Monday to read through and have it returned bk by Tuesday. Apparently with all the new changes we are being trialled with the new par forms. 3 is tomorrow we go to panel, nerves starting to kick in. Anyway got any tips on wot to expect etc? 


Was speaking to a friend who is just starting out on adoption and they have changed so many things, she was told she will start prep next wk for 4 wks then 4 HS sessions and then straight to panel. All being completed by October! Wow seems so much quicker. 


Love and luck to u all.
Lou xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Evening all!! How is everyone!!! Lurkers and threaders!!
Angel Mummy...... Not long to go now! How exciting!!!! Enjoy reading your PAR, they are fascinating aren't they!!!
Brummiemill... How irritating! Personally, I would hassle them! I recognize they are busy and could go cool but how do they expect you to get through the process if they are not talking to you!! I rang my sw four times the other day emailed her twice and got her Secretary to email her!! I made a big apology when she contacted me and was sweetness and light so all was forgiven!! But she couldnt avoid me for long!!! Got get them!!!
Adoptiondreams.... Not long to go! Are you looking forward starter point!!! Excited for you!!!! Hope prep comes fast!!!
Lolly.... Any news?!? 
Afm..... Well we are booked to meet the sw's of LO's soon! We are besotted! I cannot get over it! Mum is struggling with the timescale ie why wait when we seem perfect for each other; and Dad is struggling with us not telling them Any history whatsoever ever!! It is not our history to tell and I can see it causing issues! Hubby is already finding my Dad a bit irritating! Gosh it is hard work, add that to family politics and  doing the right thing!! Hubby likes things to be done his way!!! Add to that he has no family himself he forgets how hard family politics can be and just expects people to do what he thinks they should do!! #drivingmemad!! But when he tears up cos I have talked about our little urchins he is ever so cute!!!(this happens hourly + he is a tall manly man! So fairly out of character!!)but the positives are that we want these urchins to be ours and vice versa ans we know there are some issues but we think we can cope! I can't believe this time last week was panel and now here we are!
Sorry I am waffling!!
Love to all!!


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Fran - I think it's an interesting discussion re telling family the history of our LO(s) - as its not our history to tell (that's me talking way ahead of myself next year when it happens  ). As I agree - its our LO's history to tell if & when they are old enough. I also know if you tell just parents for example if would 'spill out' in conversation I'm sure with other family members. But I also understand where you Dad is coming from & think my parents would be the same. I think it's a fine line of telling them sufficient that they need to know to help care for your LO(s) ie if they have gone without food for hours and hours and therefore have an issue with eating etc, or if LO has issue with men/woman due to physical abuse etc as this is something I feel grandparents would need to know to understand why your LO's may need parenting differently. I'm not sure I'm making this make sense   but hope you get what I mean. Very exciting & moving so fast - love it


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Lizard, I totally get what you mean and we fully intend on giving them the needed history but only as and when and if definitely needed!! Far too early yet of course as we are not even properly linked! But you are right it is so tough!
I want to tell my hubby to shut up as I don't think gets how to get a point across with out just demanding it! And he certainly doesn't have too juggle three family members feelings at the same time! I myself am glad my Dad is interested but I ain't going to tell him just give him gentle reminders! I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy this not worry about where the kids came from but where they hopefully are going to! It's up
Dh and I to take on their past and support the children with that!
Waffling again!! Sorry! Lizard u raise a good point!  thanks 
xxxxx


----------



## purplexed

Hi everyone
So pleased to read about everyone having good news re approval and possible matches. We've just finished a long week of introductions with our son and he is now fast asleep in his room while I'm tossing and turning and checking the baby monitor every 5 mins! He is adorable, such a cutie and such a great personality. I watched him spend 30 mins opening and closing his hand today while looking in wonder and giggling like mad!
We are so happy but exhausted! Intros are tough! I know everyone says that but OMG I really didn't expect to be THAT tired and still manage to keep going. It's like you manage to get some super human strength that just allows you to keep on keeping on.
It's so worth it though! We love him so much already!


----------



## newmum

Purplexed how amazing congratulations of having LO home. I can just imagine how tough intros are but time will tell how tough they really are, well done for getting through them.

Brummie could you provisionally book time off with work? And can they be flexible with cover? Give LA a call and ask them for a date and explain you need to plan work commitments 

Angel mum.. Good luck with your PAR. When we eventually got ours it just made everything seem so real and closer to finding LO. Advice for panel would be just be yourself, yes it can be nerve racking but you will be fine. Your gonna be nervous its natural but they are not there to trick you out, when is panel? I had a hair cut and bought a new outfit to make myself feel better (any excuse) lol. Good luck


Frangipani hope things are working out for you and family.

Hi everyone

Arrrgghhhh I bought my first thing for LO today a lovely bed time book called sleep tight, it's a fabric book with a cute little teddy in it, and a few pages with bedtime routine in it, like bath, bed time drink, pyjamas, clean teeth, story and bed. It even has a little toothbrush and nightie for teddy. I am thinking about sleeping with it so my scent is on it for LO. Also going to use it in my photo book. So excited to buy my first thing! Sssssh don't tell DH    

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

newmum!!   it sounds lovely! How exciting, there'll be no stopping you now!!

Lovely hearing stories of babies coming home, congratulations to all you mummies out there!  

Thinking of those going through tough times at the moment, wish you didn't have to fight so hard, but it will all be worth it, have faith lovelies  

How is everyone? You still buzzing Fran?!!  

Still daily contact from social worker, a few social workers are looking at our par, we wait and hope they like us   A little one has made my heart flutter and I'm scared it'll all go wrong


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

If it's right for you and DF I am sure it will go right.  If it doesn't go your way it mustn't be the best thing for you.  You'll be amazing parents and any SW would be thrilled to place an lo with you x x z


----------



## Wyxie

Today has been better.

Medication is now working again, hormones are battered down and only a background issue, and things seem a bit more manageable.  Not been off medication for 7 years now for PMT (I get severe depression 2-5 days a month), and had actually started to think maybe I didn't need it any more.  It turns out I do.

We have got through today OK and both hubby and I have managed some good time with Wyxling.  We need to change how we're managing bedtimes though as Bladelet is finding it hard.  Poor little dude is getting so upset at bedtimes especially with hubby does it, but as it takes one parent per child it's not fair on Wyxling for me to put Bladelet to bed every night.  We had a plan, but it's not working, so we're going to tweak it.

AuntieKatie, thanks for the suggestion, I did think about that once before.  With Wyxling it's much more minute details than that, which can't be covered by a chart - it's something I've thought about before when she had a lot of problems.  Who is bathing who, who will hold the soap, who will pour water over her hair, can she put the cloth into the sink etc etc.  She tries to force me to set rules for everything when she's anxious, so she knows in her head it's allowed or it's not.  There's just no room in Wyxling's world for sometimes Mummy gives you the jug to rinse your hair, but if you're getting a bit too splashy and/or your arms are too tired to lift the full jug over your head, Mummy will do it.  With most kids you do that on the fly, but with Wyxling we need to plan this out 3 days in advance, only I won't.  I need to stop engaging with her at this level, I let her draw me into it.  I've been trying very hard not too.  Also, it's not possible for me to say who's doing what with who that level because Bladelet has only been here 4 days - Wyxling can't cope with that very well.  I don't think Wyxling is on the autistic spectrum, purely because I'm told that children with autism don't do imaginative play (although I've heard from other sources that they can do, but very repetitively). Wyxling is incredibly imaginative, and also empathises quite well for her age, so I think it's a stress reaction and fear of being moved again.  If it keeps up, I'm definitely going to speak to someone about it, because it's just not healthy for her to have that level of stress about such little details and it stops her doing anything else.

Bladelet is doing really well, he's such a happy lovely baby, but very upset at times.  I still feel like I should be giving him more, but it's a very careful balancing act at the moment.  If I try and give him too much for Wyxling, he ends up getting less, because I then have to sort her out afterwards.

Wyxling is trying really hard, and has been very nice and kind to Bladelet.  Even though she does want all his stuff and is a bit sulky about not being able to move all his toys into her room.

Anyway, we're managing, but hubby goes back to work tomorrow and I am somewhat terrified.  Naps are the big sticking point at the moment.  I can't get either baby off for a nap very easily when the other's in the room.  Both of them most definitely need naps, and I most definitely need them both to have naps!  Hubby has been helping out, so we've been working them in, but tomorrow I'm on my own with that one.

On a more amusing note, they both have exactly the same "pooing face", and when they both deliver at the same time, I can't help laughing at the pair of them.  I always tease Wyxling about it.  I say "are you having a poo" "no Mummy, having think"... "Wyxling, that's a very smelly think..."  Now she just says "no think" *pause* "smelly think".  She really cracked me up today when she came running in to tell me Bladelet had done a "smelly think".  Also, Wyxling is now obsessed with the fact that Bladelet has a "tail" (f/c's words), and wants to watch every time he's changed.  She also keeps questioning who else has a tail, and why she hasn't.  I have explained boys have tails, and girls don't, but she seems to feel it's necessary to question on an individual basis.  Having established that Daddy and Bladelet have a tail, and Mummy and Wyxling do not, she also feels it's necessary to tell everyone this.  Mind, that's a lot better than what she was saying last week which did actually make me feel the need to explain while we were out.

Please babies, both sleep tonight!

No personals again today, I am reading all, though, and wishing you all the best.


----------



## monkeymooo

Hi all - just catching up on where everyone is at having been away for a few days - wow so much going on!

Ah wyxie it sounds like you're doing an amazing job of juggling the need of your two LOs. Love the smelly think and tails stories! Hope you get a good night and tomorrow goes ok. 

Auntiekatie I saw your diary, today sounded fab, bet you're looking forward to seeing him tomorrow!

Hello to everyone else  

Well tomorrow we meet our little one, feeling surprisingly calm, not sure how I'll feel in the morning though! Eeek!
X


----------



## skyblu

Oh Wyxie, I take my hat off to you. I some times struggle with 1 lo let alone 2. You are doing a fantastic job 
Love the story about stinky thinks, when my lo has her pooing face i say, " are you having a poo" and she replies " no, a fart" you have to laugh, they are so funny with their little sayings.
Hope your babies sleep well tonight and tomorrow is not to hard on you.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## purplexed

Day 3 and we've had a set back.  We thought we were bonding really well with our lo until this morning when our SW visited.  He v hasn't met her before but he wanted to go to her straight away.  He was climbing up her shirt wanting a cuddle and wanted nothing to do with us at all.  When she left he cried hysterically for 20 mins and we could do nothing to console him. Now we feel like the last week has been for nothing as he has never ever cried when either of us left the room. Feeling really really upset about it.


----------



## Lizard39

Sending you a big   Purplexed. I have no words of wisdom as not been there, but just to say its still very early days and remember it take time to build that relationship & attachment. Your LO has had so much change, and will take him awhile to know you are his mummy & daddy - he is still such a little baby.  I'm sure other will post some fab advice soon. Xxx


----------



## newmum

purplexed sorry I don't have any advice. After reading Gerties reply this sounds good sound advice

Wyxie stay strong you're doing amazing

Well I can't actually believe I'm saying this but we have another possible link and this LO sounds so perfect. SW is going to come out with profile. This will be the first profile we will read as we didnt get that far with first possible link, does anyone of you lovely ladies have any advice on any questions we need to ask or any general advice that will help us? I've gotta to say I have a feeling this is it      I cant quite believe it. I feeling like pinching myself. DH is over the moon also, it's so lovely to see

Nm2b x x oh yes I might be x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

newmum that is so exciting    is she bringing full cpr for you to read? Ooooh   this is the one!!

Thinking of your purplexed, remember it's really early days. Why don't you start a thread on the parenting sectio as I know there are some really knowledgeable adopters on here but they don't always check this thread. Lots of love


----------



## newmum

Thank you lolly, I'm not sure on the terminology? So I think that's what she will bring round


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

this is the one new mum hopefully to be very soon.  Purplexed I'm sorry you're having a tough day.  I agree with lolly try the parenting adopted children thread.  Loads of wisdom to draw on there  x


----------



## Doofuz

Ooh nm2b! So excited for you, I hope this is it!

Wyxie, I am glad to see things are getting better for you as time goes by, long may it continue. 

Purplexed, I think this set back will blow over and you'll be back on track very soon. Good luck sweetie.

Today has been a strange day. Refreshing emails and not getting even junk mail. Make a cup of tea and come back to sofa staring at the telly, refresh emails again. Hoover, do the dishes and refresh emails once more. Nothing until 2 minutes before I start work, H is dropping me off and I have to wait a whole shift to talk with him about it! Typical, 8 hours of waiting and killing the battery on my phone!  We went ahead and bought a cot bed today, we figure that as they go up to age 4 and our age range is 0-3 that we aren't tempting fate much...and the email confirms that we may be into a winner  

Has anyone on here thought throughout the whole process they are having one colour and end up with the complete opposite!? The look of love on H's face for not a boy...ahhhh  He's already planning his own version of dating rules, its serious  

Sleep well everyone, may you all have an excellent weekend and feel refreshed for the week ahead x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Doofuz - We didn't have a preference but always had a gut feeling We'd get a little boy, well our darling daughter is fast asleep in her bedroom so our gut feeling wasn't quite as it seemed. However when TTC I always wanted a girl  

NM2B - fingers crossed this is the one xx

Perplexed - it's very early days, try not to worry and stress too much. As long as you recognise these behaviours/scenarios and try to deal with them appropriately that's all you can do. I stressed a lot in the early weeks about this sort of thing, and also more recently at a family event. But I think you can stress too much over it as well, it takes a long time to build up a positive attachment and all you can do is your best to promote one. I also think sometimes some LO's are very social and affectionate (ours is) and it can be hard to interpret whether their behaviour is just normal to their personality or something to be concerned about. We are nearly 4 months into placement and all though that's still early on we now know her better and know what's normal behaviour for her and what's too much and when to draw a line. It's tough in those early days it really is. Please don't stress too much, I think the main thing is you have identified it and will be aware of it in future but don't get too hung up on it either. Try and keep things as natural as possible and all will fall into place with time   xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Doofuz we always thought we would have a boy. Other half was adamant he would have a son and want as far as to say to order some blue furniture (I refused!!) Well of all the profiles he has generally been more drawn to the girlies and we are most excited about a little girls profile we were shown recently. Waiting for more details. So maybe it's quite normal. The blokes have this 'me and my boy' image and end up falling for the little ladies   fingers crossed for you!

Have a good Saturday all! I'm off to Gwyneths for a catch up and slob day (films and nibbles!) Can't wait   and it's all the better asI have already done my cleaning, boom!!!


----------



## newmum

Hi Doofuz for us we thought we didn't really mind, DH has two boys already and after a lot of thought we opted for a girl. Though I've always said I would never rule out boys. Guess time will tell. We would be happy with either and guess when we hear and see profiles this will help X


----------



## Frangipanii

Purplexed... Hope things are ok now and back on track! Been thinking of you!!!
newmum2b.... I hope this is it!!!! Fingers crossed for you!!!
Doofuz..... Complete compromise as hubby wanted two of one ans I two of the other so one of each was decided! (hopefully)
Hope everyone is ok!! We are still in love and I have never wanted something so much in my whole life all though I guess that is how u are supposed to feel! I don't think I could be put off at all!! They are made for us and vice versa!! I worry we could be turned down but for the life of me I cannot see why!!! But it doesn't stop u worrying!!! Oh well a few weeks to wait til we find out!! We have started the shopping though however all none non age specific and non gender specific! Fun however! Just don't want my heart to be broken! Even my parents feel this was meant to be!!! 
Sorry waffling away!!! 
Love to you all!!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Just wanted to share something from yesterday that effects everyone really.  We've all heard that 1 in 5 adoptions breaks down and how difficult things can be, well here's some good news.  Our FC has had around 80 children over the last 21 years and all of those adoptions have been successful!!  She usually has babies and toddlers admittedly, children under 4, but it shows that statistics don't give a true picture unless you get all the data to go with them.  She's amazing, we are very lucky!! 

There's a statistic you can take to the bank, 100% rate of successful adoption with no disruptions from 1 FC.  And she keeps in touch with the majority of her kids.  She'll certainly be welcome in Bluebird's life for as long as they both want it.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thank you Katie that's a lovely post.  What a great FC x x


----------



## newmum

Thanks for all 'hope this is the one' best wishes really hope so too

And thanks for sharing your story Aunty Kate? You often here all the negative stories so nice to hear the positives 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend

Nm2b x


----------



## TillyT

Hi, we are hoping to start our adoption journey in September, following a 6 month break after 2 failed DE IVF. We are hoping to be matched to a 0-2 boy or girl, does anyone know, in reality, what the chances are of this actually being achievable in a rural county? 
Perhaps my naievity on the process is telling me because my area is rural this is less likely to happen, should hubby and i prepare ourselves for a long wait, poss years?!?!

In need of boot up backside I think! Xx


----------



## daisy0609

Hi Tilly n welcome how rural are you?we are quite rural n were approved in march this year and started the whole process last Jan. 
X


----------



## Wyxie

Hi Tilly, I'm sorry to hear about your failed IVF.

The likelihood of being linked with a 0-2 year old is dependent on lots of factors, but if you're under 45 and have no serious "red flags" that would worry a child's social worker, it seems fairly likely at the moment.  It also depends on what potential issues you're willing to consider taking on of course, but with the majority of children in that age range there are some unknowns due to parental lifestyle.

Also, just because you live in a rural area, it doesn't mean you can't be linked with a child from a city.  Most inner city LAs need to place outside their own county boundaries and therefore actively seek adopters from relatively nearby areas.  You don't have to use your local LA.

Why not make some enquiries of local LAs and VAs about the sort of children they are placing.  If you're clear that you hope to be matched to a younger child then they should be able to give you an indication.

All the best.

Wyxie xx


----------



## gettina

Welcome Tilly. Given your history, I'm sorry you are here, but I hope it's the start of a new happy chapter. 
Just to add to what wyxie said, if you don't find a match within your la in a matter of months - think 6 - you can look elsewhere - think it goes to wider region then nationwide if need be. So you really shouldn't be waiting years.
Good luck
Gettina
Xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi All, Just a quick message today to say I got my first proper cuddle and kiss from our LO this morning! He has been home for a week now and is 2yrs4months old.   DH reckons this shows good attachment. For those with experience is this a good sign?? Our LO has different moods = mad running about noisy times and quiet reflective times and I just worry that he isn't fully happy. In fact to be totally honest I just worry all the time about him. My girlfriends tell me that is a Mummy's job and it never ends!! Finding it difficult to relax and enjoy our little miracle.


We are soooo tired and just hoping we are doing most things correct. Parenthood SHOULD come with a handbook!! Our LO has been through so much change and I desperately want him to be unscathed by it all. Is this impossible?? He is such a gorgeous fun loving boy and he deserves the very best. Hope I am up to the job!    Did anyone else feel like this? ? 


Life is such a rollercoaster! Wishing you all well with whatever stage you are at!! Lots of love,


Noodles XXX


P.S Changed my name accordingly


----------



## GERTIE179

Noodles - awwwwwww
It's totally normal I never stop worrying about my little boy. Sounds you are doing all you can to let LO be one secure but it will take time so if you can relax a bit into your new roles and keep up with the bonding you should be able to help LO build his self esteem & resilience to help him in life. My LO is perfect but gosh we've had a few worrying weeks & LO is being relentless just now (think the illness has made him wobbly as he moved when sick). I'm just trying to remind myself I'm not superhuman and I am doing right by LO (tiredness gives you crazy thoughts)
X


----------



## Wyxie

Hi Noodles, it sounds like things are going as well as they could and you're doing a great job.  Your first cuddle and kiss - you must be over the moon.  

L/o starting to come to you for affection is a great sign that he is starting to trust you and a bond is forming - it's a little soon for him to be attached to you, that can only come over time, but it really sounds like things are going as well as they possible can be.  It's unlikely he's fully happy at the moment given the recent move, and really, I think the only cure for that is time, but it sounds like you're doing everything you can to make that better and that he is doing great.

I worry constantly too.

Had a right old morning, and now unreasonably pleased with myself that I managed to get two children down for their nap.  First time I've managed to get either to sleep with the other in the room - success!  Now for cleaning.


----------



## newmum

Hugs  noodles sounds like you're doing great 

I'm a bit sad tonight (sorry now for the me post) SW spoke to DH today and said (quite accurately) that I need to stop getting carried away, in so many words! I know she's right I have the patience of a saint when it comes to others but when I want something I want it now. I understand she just wants us to make the right decisions but am sad to hear the truth   


Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Noodles love the new name.  
Newmum I am sorry.  It must be so hard to be contained when you have put so much into something and want it so much.  Sending lots of hugs xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone.

I haven't been on for a while and there's lots to catch up on which I will do later with a cup of tea I hope you are all well, lots of lovely news on intros and LOs coming home. NewMum, I was the same and nearly drove myself insane hitting 'refresh' on my email every 10 mins pretty much every day for months. The moment I thought that it was time to calm down was when we started getting profiles. Take care hun x

AFU, we go to MP next week so its been a decorating frenzy in our house. Room pained, curtains hung, just waiting on cotbed and carpet and then I'll get to work on my wall sticker project I am snuggling up with a cuddly rabbit that we'll hand over with Tomy Talking album. We bought a few clothes over the weekend as well as bits and bobs and have a buggy on hold so its all coming together. SW emailed today to tell us that LO took her first steps yesterday at the grand age of 10 months!!!!! We are so excited but a scene from the film 'life as we know it' came into my head where he pushes her over to stop her walking and I found myself thinking 'just push her over so she waits until we meet her'!!!! Completely wrong and made me feel like a very bad mummy-to-be. Think its certainly time that we invest in some stair gates though!!!!!!! We have our intro plan and they have brought it all forward so I get to spend my birthday with her!!!!!!!

Anyway, enough of me rambling on. Take care my lovelies xxx


----------



## Doofuz

NM2B - I reckon I am nearly at the same point as you although I haven't so far emailed SW since Friday and that was just to prompt her after she said she would email and she didn't. My refresh button is also constantly getting action. Feel free to pm me of you want to get things off your chest, we can go through it together. 

Noodles, lovely post - I do love reading them so much, the excitement in the words is brilliant.


Wyxie, well done on getting your two down to sleep, and its not unreasonable to be proud! 

Hello Gertie, hope things are good with you  x

Greeniebop, you sound very organised, and very excited. I hope your week goes as planned hip until MP. 

AFU , things haven't changed since last week. SW's have our par and won't give put the CPR until they are happy with us as a couple, after reading the par. So another week of refreshing my emails and checking the answerphone at home  We do feel very positive though, so here's hoping 

Have a good evening everyone, just catching up with corrie after a horrible shift at work


----------



## newmum

Thanks everyone, feeling bit better now, just had a good chat with my best buddie. Thank you for listening x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Amazing news greenie I'm so pleased for you. 

I'd get the stair gates honey our lo is 10 months too and into everything lol he took 3 steps the other day too. 

Thinking of you next week 

Hugs xxxxxxx

Hi to everyone. Hugs xxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Noodles, lovely update!  Glad things are going so well.  I'm sure I will be the same and not relax until I am fully into the 'swing' of parenthood!  Don't beat yourself up, you sound to be doing great  

Greenie, I bet you are getting so excited now.  I LOVE that they have shifted the timescales, what an amazing Birthday you will have!  

Wyxie, I keep checking in with your diary, things sound busy and hard and with magical times thrown in to keep you smiling.  I am thinking of you and hope that the routine is starting to establish itself.  can't imagine how difficult it is to try and split yourself in two  

Newmum, sorry you were sad, and glad to read you were feeling a little better last night.  I think our SW had similar worries a couple of weeks back as she also rang DF to see if I was 'ok'.  She felt I had jumped at the first profile and was trying to make things 'fit'.  I wasn't and it did annoy me a little.  Yes I was excited, it was a real profile, but I recognised it wasn't right from what she said about the CPR and we pulled out.  I am desperate to be a mummy, but not enough that I won't find our child and ensure that it is the right match.  I think maybe we should be glad theyare checking in as it shows they care and aren't just trying to place any child.  But I understand how hard it is.  We have been through the process and this wait is the worst!  The refreshing of emails is also something I am a little to familiar with    Are you still waiting to see LOs full report?

Doofuz, our SW said exactlythe same thing.  She said it avoids disappointment.  While I understand the theory I already know that if a couple we have enquired about don't turn out to be the right LOs I'll be disappointed.  I am trying to withdraw, but their little pictures make my heart melt!  So glad you are feeling positive, good luck, hoping this is the one.  Keep us posted!!

Hope everyone else is ok?

No news this end, like I said, very similar to Doofuz, limbo land!!        for good news!


----------



## Doofuz

Thanks lolly  Oh, I hate limbo land! I've set myself a goal, no checking of emails until lunchtime. How sad haha, this business makes wrecks of normally sane people  I hope you hear something soon too, although that just means we get onto another stage of waiting. Take each day as it comes I guess, and take care  x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I'm with you Doofuz, although yesterday I lasted all of 20 minutes


----------



## Doofuz

Aw bless you  It's very hard, especially when the email button is right next to the chrome button on my tablet  But I haven't folded yet and lunchtime is 12ish. If I can get there then I'll be proud. Its like an addiction. I'm keeping busy with the nursery, not much help but at least something to do. If there is no email then I'm walking into town for a coffee and my book to cheer me up. Have a good day


----------



## newmum

Thanks lolly nice to hear you've had similar experience. Yes will see report this week. I'm feeling a bit better but slightly annoyed because I won't just make a rash decision I will think things through but hey SW is just doing their job and its nice they care

Doof and Lolly step away from the refresh button   lol is it 12 yet? X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Did you make it to 12 Newmum and Doofuz?!!    I hope you have had some news today, it's torturous!  

Sooooo....  we have two social workers that want to meet with us and have the CPRs of two little ones!  The plan is to look together over a takeaway tea later and write down all our thoughts and feeling to feed back to our SW tomorrow.  DF has had a brief look and says only has positive feelings.  I can't open the god damn email as i'm at work and the system won't allow!!!  Ahhhhh    I hope that one of these is our LO    SW says that she has questions (of course) but wouldn't have forwarded them if overly concerned and didn't think they were potentially a good link.  Oh my goodness, I am so nervous!!  One holds quite a big family resemblance and the other has a very strange detail within birth family history that may be 'a sign'?!!! Aaaaand breatheeeeee.......


----------



## crazyspaniel

How exciting Lolly   xxx


----------



## newmum

Great news lolly     enjoy your take away tea looking through your CPRs look forward to hear any updates x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck lolly Fingers crossed x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Good luck Lolly, keeping everything crossed!


----------



## Wyxie

Fingers crossed for something positive, Lolly.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks all!!    Yikes!!  We have just messaged our SW to say that we like to meet one of the SWs about a LO that I think DF already loves    Oh dear....!!    Apparently they were looking at another couple but favoured our PAR so we are the only ones now being considered which is a good thought.  I couldn't stand a competitive match.  I am trying to be reserved still in order to protect myself, but it's difficult    LO is very young which is scary for me as I simply didn't think we would get a baby.  There is the 'uncertainty' factor but I will always find something to worry about, and there will always be important factors to consider.  I feel it could well be right, I have been smiling at the big brown eyes in the picture.  Oh crumbs....!!!


----------



## Doofuz

Ah excellent news lolly, I hope it all works out for you. Fingered well and truly crossed.

I lasted until 12 but no banana in the email. Here's to tomorrow and more of the same....

Early night with a book and warm milk  Night night everyone


----------



## Sq9

Great news lolly.  Have everything crossed for this being your lo


----------



## oliver222

Hope everything goes well Lolly.


----------



## Frangipanii

congrats Lolly   hope this is it!!!!1 xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Newmum and Doofuz, how is the email obsession going. Goring you have news very soon  

How is everyone today?  

Thanks everyone!! Sounds like social worker is almost as excited about this possible link as us. She thinks this is the one and is trying to sort a meeting out ASAP. She sent us the two cprs to kind of compare and contrast as said we came back to her saying exactly what she expected us too and that our thoughts mirrored hers. Excited


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi all! 
Sorry no personals - apart from Lolly - i am so glad it is your time! truly excited for you!!!! 

i have to vent I am going to have to apologise in advance! SORRY!
Right , i knew from day 1 that adoption was different in 'this day and age' but seriously preparing to meeting the lo's  social workers  is depressing the hell out of me! I have fallen for these children and I think and I am pretty confident we can cope with the issues surrounding them and their behaviour! So I took it on myself to do some research and write some stuff in preparation to arm myself with the correct terms and tools and knowledge on what could be in the support plan, mostly aware of it all already from my career and this process! And now I feel utterly depressed! I feel like there is going to be a slog of hard work for the rest of my life rather than the joys, the highs, the lows and the really lows of parenting! Self inflicted I recognise! And I know as someone who has worked with some severely abused kids with massive emotional problems that the joys are just amazing! I think I have let the theory and the research blind me from the love I feel! I also think that I am forgetting how capable I am and how wonderful my DH and family are! I just don't know how someone could damage children, in general that is!! it is beyond my comprehension! 

Rant over! Also annoyed because time scales for matching panel etc can be really slow which i find irritating!
Nothing will change my mind about these children, or my Dh's. At the end of the day the social workers will just want to see we can manage and I can show that! I just wish they hadn't had to suffer in the first place! 
SORRY!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fran x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Fran, sending big hugs! You sound so committed to these LOs and they will be yours and they will the perfect LOs for you and DH.  I think you are very sensible in reading, researching and compiling questions to prove you are able to cope with everything and anything.  Of course, theory is one thing, practice is another, but what else can you do at this stage.  I think you are doing great, it is such a long slog though.  Have you a visit from children's SW planned yet or are thing still pending?  It hurts to think that these LOs have suffered, and you will already have the protective urge that mummy's have.  It must be very hard.  Hang in there, tomorrow is a step closer to your dream


----------



## newmum

Hugs to you Fran, sounds like you know exactaly what you are doing. I'm sorry you feel depressed and good on you doing all the reading. I guess SW is just making sure you are fully aware of everything they know. It is heart breaking hearing what these poor LO's have had to go through.

Lolly amazing stuff for you, how exciting. Have you made any decisions yet?

SW visited today and spoke about LO and went through report. SW made us think about our match and to make sure we think things through. We didnt see a photo of LO is this usual? SW wasn't sure if we could see one? I'm sure I have read that you do see one? Also we've seen CWW and BMP pictures so why not possible LO's? Is it because SW doesnt want us to get attached to a photo?Anyway me and DH have to think whether we want to meet LO's SW etc etc. We both know what we want to do and are going to sleep on it. Very excited

Nm2b x


----------



## Arrows

Fran, call me tomorrow if you'd like - I'm around all day as stuck in with LO who has had chickenpox and a fever for over a week now as still not all scabbed over yet! 
Nm2b, yes it is normal ( though I don't agree with it) so some agencies to withhold the picture and in fact some don't see one till matching!I believe the rreasoning is that it's easy to fall for a picture and then try to make the best of all the details instead of focusing on the needs and realistic abilities to deal with them. In our situation we saw an incredibly out of date picture abt 2wks after we saw the profile and we'd already fallen in love and just knew in our hearts he was our son. We got an updated picture when we met the foster carer after being linked 2mths later. Even then, he was totally different when we met him for the first time!


----------



## Jacks girl

Fran     only you know what is right for you and DH. Go for it!!!     

Lolly huge congrats.              

Hi to everyone else 

We start prep second week of September 

xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Brummiemill - we had our initial home visit in the Sept, were told Wed be on Prep Course end of Feb but didn't get it in confirmation until the beginning of the Feb. I wouldn't stress about it, it will come when they are normally sent out, maybe not until closer to the time. We still booked the time off work as we knew the dates, just didn't have a letter confirming times and venue etc. we just took it as a given that they said Wed be on it Nd that we were. All was fine. You'll get used to waiting and waiting during this process, everything is done last min  
Fingers crossed for those with possible links - hope you've found the right LO for you xx


----------



## Doofuz

Fran, do what you feel is right for both of you. Good luck x

Lolly, congratulations! How lovely xx

I knew I'd hate this bit of all of this process. The lo we are interested in has three couples including us interested in her. Her sw's won't send out the CPR until they have decided who they want to go with, potentially. I feel very sick and shaky after waiting over a week for any news via email. H wants to go ahead as what will be will be and I have said yes to this as we are in love  but I feel like we are going to get massively disappointed. Feels like 2ww all over again. 

Fingers crossed for good news for all, thank you for this site, don't know what we would do without it x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone,


Sorry for being rude and being around much been soooo busy.


We have read our PAR (ours was the first one to b using the new forms) and we are very pleased with it. 
I have painted our nursery and all the furniture has now arrived so wk end me and DH are gonna have fun putting it all together    it feels so exciting being able to finally prepare a nursey. I never thought we would ever get to this point and its now starting to hit me I'm gonna b a mummy soon   


2wks today is panel. I'm sooo nervous lol.


Hope ur all well
Lou x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Doofuz, it's a horrible situation to be in and I really feel for you. I guess you have to fight and stick in there. I really  so much that this is your little one, you sound so smitten.      there was another couple involved with our possible link but luckily for us we were only told that after they had chosen us and I think that's only fair as it must be emotional turmoil. We are willing you on hun. Lots of love xxx

Angel mum I'm so pleased you have your par and are so happy with it. Sounds as if you have an exciting weekend planned. Not long to go now!!


----------



## newmum

Oh doofuz so sorry to hear that. Praying you get your news very soon x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Doofuz all my toes and fingers are crossed x x


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you guys  Finally got the email we were after, they are interested in us and would like to visit pending us reading her CPR. Then it is down to us and only one other couple. Oh my goddesses, if we survive this, I will jump out of a plane for our agency. Its 50/50 now, only goes one way. Smitten isn't the word, its like when I first met H only its pulling on my belly button as well as my heart, she's meant to be ours. We keep repeating all of our strong points but what gets me is there is another couple out there doing the same, its heartbreaking for someone either way. Our SW says it will be Monday before we receive CPR so we have planned a nice busy weekend. Drink, lots of drink  

Thank you lovelies, said it before and I'll say it again, this place is magic x

(Sorry for the self post, very centred I know  )


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Lou, fingers crossed!  Have fun making your baby a new home!!  

Doofuz, OMG! So exciting, good luck!!!!  

Fran, fingers crossed!  Lots of research will put you in good stead, especially when it comes to a panel.

Lolly, very exciting new too!  Everything seems to be coming together! 

CS, how's it going?? 

Sorry if I've forgotten peeps, think of it as baby brain, our Bluebird comes to his new house for the first time today and will meet the dogs, nervous and excited all at once! xx


----------



## Doofuz

Wowee! Good luck Auntiekatie, not that you'll need it


----------



## newmum

Doofuz finally you get your e-mail hooray   competitive matching must be so hard and worrying which way it will go. Good idea keep repeating and reminding yourselves all of your strong points you've come a far way 

Nice plan for the weekend and the sun is shining   drink and drink lol do it whilst you can! 

Good luck for Monday

Auntie Katie will introductions sound like they went well and you're bribing bluebird home to meet the dogs how exciting have a great day 

Enjoy the sunshine today but if your like me you will be stuck on work!

Nm2b x


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

angel mummy said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Sorry for being rude and being around much been soooo busy.
> 
> We have read our PAR (ours was the first one to b using the new forms) and we are very pleased with it.
> I have painted our nursery and all the furniture has now arrived so wk end me and DH are gonna have fun putting it all together  it feels so exciting being able to finally prepare a nursey. I never thought we would ever get to this point and its now starting to hit me I'm gonna b a mummy soon
> 
> 2wks today is panel. I'm sooo nervous lol.
> 
> Hope ur all well
> Lou x


Hi Lou,

We have just reviewed and signed off our (new style) PAR too.

We are also going to Panel on the 18th!

You're well ahead of us on the decorating though, we have guests coming at the end of August so we can't touch the room until they've gone. I'm so jealous, I'd love to start 'nesting' now.

I too am very excited about becoming a daddy, I was a little nervous due to having a disability but the SWs seem fine with the PAR and don't see any reason why we wouldn't get accepted.

Less than 2 weeks to go now...

Good luck to you both

Paul


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Good Luck Doofuz - hope all goes well on Monday. We were at that stage a couple of months ago and it is very, very difficult   


All going well with us. Our LO is a little whirl wind of energy and we are exhausted! He is very clever and the 'terrible twos' are beginning to shine through. I think this is because he is feeling a lot more comfortable now and he is testing us!!! DH and I debate everything with each other and even then sometimes LO wins(or appears to get the better of us) - it's hilarious to see a 2 year over throw two clever adults!! So funny!!   In the next month we are going to have to put our foot down. We've been treading carefully as he has only been home for 12 days and has been through so much with the move. 


Both our families are totally in love with him and it is simply beautiful to stand back and watch! 


Toddler giggles rule!!!   


Hope you are all getting there...it is well worth the fight Girls - stick in! 


Love, Noodles xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Doofuz that is great, nearly there now. All crossed that you got the positive outcome you deserve   until then have a lovely wine fueled weekend with hubby and soak up the sun   thinking of you  

Noodles your little man sounds lovely, bet it feels like he's always been there   love the mummy updates, keep them coming  

Newmum, any news?!!

Love and hugs to everyone  

So our social worker is coming to see us to brief us and support us in devising some questions as little ones social worker and family finder are coming to meet us on Thursday!!!! Ahhhh


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I love reading all your updates! DH and I are starting prep next week. So excited xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

short and sweet as no phone so just popped on computer for five minutes to catch up! 
Hi all!
Doofuz, looks like there are a few of us with our hearts in our mouths!!!! I am keeping everything crossed for us all! much love to you
Lolly we have our meeting on Wednesday! So looks like an exciting week for us both! Albeit mentally deranged over it! much love to you
Auntie Kate, fantastic stuff going on! Thanks for your support, glad to know I am not alone! love to you!!!
Arrows - hope you got my message about being phoneless! phone broke so now phoneless and friendless! ha ha ! Not sure I willhave my numbers when I get a new one so please text me! much love for your friendship!
afu.....just had pulled pork sandwiches and a trip to the cinema to get away from the adoption world for a few hours! Not that it worked! Hubby and I are very determined that we are meant to be! and it is nice to be so loved up in it together! five sleeps to go! nervous is not the word! but as you say Auntie(Mummy)Kate what will be will be! I just hope these urchins are ours to be! they even look like me not that that is a concern but it is cute!
anyway sorry for lack of everything, it is hard to keep track not having a phone!
much love to you all!
Good luck Adoption Dreams with Prep next week! Very exciting time for you!!!! xxx


----------



## newmum

Exciting times ahead frangipani     nice to hearing you sound more happier than your last post

Lolly Yes we've got news, SW is going to tell LO SW we are interested so we will wait and see what happens next. Bet you are well excited Thursday, great news  

Good luck adoption dreams you will enjoy prep

Does anyone have any questions we should be thinking of for LO SW? We've got some and also questions for FC, just don't want to miss anything. Thanks

Nm2b x


----------



## snapdragon

Noodles lovely to hear. Your lo is exactly the same age as ours. Its amazing how a 2 year old can bet the better of 2 adults. You are doing the right thing, bonding is the most important thing at this stage. Our  Lo has been home 6 months on Monday and my husband is taking the day off so we can have  a day out together.


----------



## snapdragon

Newmum2be our lo's  sw knew birth parents pretty well so you could ask anything you would like to know about them.


----------



## newmum

Great thanks snap dragon


----------



## monkeymooo

Hi all, sorry not posting much - intros are intense!

Have to admit I am totally knackered, but it is going really well so far...LO really is a gorgeous amazing little chap ( we are already turning in to those annoying proud parents who think their child is sooo clever etc! ) he is taking everything in his stride and he seems to find me and DH hilarious ( which we are of course ....! ) he visits our house for the first time tomorrow - feelings bit nervous, I hope he likes it here! But also excited,
We really feel ready for him now. But we do know he has an amazing bond with FC so will be hard I'm sure. Our FC is not experienced and is struggling, but really doing her best, so hoping the final days are ok! We are already worrying about his first bed time here and if he'll settle ok....he's here for nap time on Mon and Tues so I guess that will be a good trial run !

Auntie Katie, looking forward to hearing how your day went today! I must admit our dog is our main concern - he is gentle but can get a bit over excited! Hope he and LO get on ok!

Snap dragon/ noodles/ auntie K we are all getting to know 2 year olds! Good to swap notes! 
Hi to everyone else! Xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Monkey Mooo - you're doing well! Keep on going. We had 9 days of Intros and were completely exhausted...but hey, your LO is defo very Special   Keep going ..,,,nearly home! Loved hearing your news - so close to our experience too.  


Noodles xx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

monkey, just going to update my diary, but all went really well with the dogs!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello my lovelies!

So much has been happening on here, huge congratulations to those recently approved, good luck to everyone approaching matching or approval panel and to anyone with prep ahead...enjoy  

Frangipani - I know exactly what you mean about becoming mentally drained and obsessed ahead of lo's sw visit...I was the same, and I had to wait a long time for it...I nearly went dulallay! But do you know...I don't think you have any reason to worry it is pretty obvious how much you want these children, and so long as you show the sw's that and ensure that they know how much you have thought about sibling groups you will be fine!!! Good luck for Wednesday x x x

Lolly - your link sounds perfect and you sound like you have already fallen for her! You too will be absolutely fine I have no doubt  good luck for Thursday x x x

Nm2b - eeeeeeek another potential link, I hope that you potential LOs social worker arranges a meeting with you soon! With regards to questions we went through the CPR and highlighted everything that we wanted to know more about and based them all on that, including the child's developmental milestones and health. Good luck hun x x x 

Doofuz - yay to making it to the final two! I was in a competitive match and it was torture, I think it is so so cruel...that being said thankfully we were the ones chosen for our little ones. As I said to Frangipani, this is your opportunity to say why you are perfect for lo and vice versa, we pulled all of the key points from our PAR that were particularly relevant to our lo's, I.e. finances for 2 kids, plans for returning to work and child are, how we would tackle food anxieties and about the children from over eating...food diaries etc. and they we did a heart statement telling them why we wanted these lo's and how we felt when we got the profile and the sw's took it away and read it on there trains journey home...they took it to MP with them and said it was brilliant to see how much we wanted them! This is your chance to fight for these children, give it all you have x x x good luck 

Noodles - you ARE a mummy!!! Best feeling ever?!!!! Sounds like you and you dh are doing a fantabulous job, you lo sounds lovely! Keep up the good work and enjoy the best job in the world 

Auntie Kate and monkey - intros...eugh! Amazing to meet your lo's but exhausting!!! It's so worth it when you get home with them  good luck ladies and congratulations...you ARE mummy's!!!!

To everyone else...I am posting from my phone but will do more personals next time x

Afu - we have just got back from holiday and it was amazing! My post adoption blues have gone and my gorgeously scrummy children are more amazing than ever and I am so completely head over heels in love with them as are all of my close family and friends. They are both thriving and have settled so well, we were expecting some issues on holiday and when we got back...but nothing! They are happy settled children, as we walked into the house they got so excited and clearly saw this as there home  I love my children so much and I am the happiest mummy in the world at the moment, I am very proud of my little munchkins and couldn't possibly love my children or life any more than I do right now. We are 9 weeks in...where does time go?! My brother is home for a few weeks from Oz so they get to meet him this week which will be lovely 

Enjoy the sunshine lovely ladies and gents  

Xx


----------



## Frangipanii

what an awesome post! Dreams! Thanks for sharing! It is a joy to read and thanks for support! It is a tough stage of the journey, which I am finding hard! 

Only three sleeps to go until we meet social workers! Four social workers in one house! ok well not quite I am a qualified social worker but I have not formally worked as one yet as went straight into ivf so it doesnt really count, but it is a bit of a running joke between hubby and my dad!! 

We have been decorating, cleaning, de-cluttering and hubby did southport half marathon today, so we have defo been keeping busy! And I feel slightly crazy but somewhat calmer and happier today! plus it is sunny so that helps! 

love to you all lovely people!

Frangipanni!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fran, snap!! Not the marathon or social worker bit but certainly the cleaning and sorting!!!   Glad to hear you are feeling brighter, it is a massive emotional rollercoaster isn't it?  

Thank you dreams! You sound to be loving mummyhood and I'm so glad. Holiday sounds brilliant, you must be so proud of your babies  

 to all


----------



## Frangipanii

We love travelling in the same boat Lolly, its a good job as I hate being on my own! And you are so lovely it helps to have a buddy!!! x x x 

quick question a weird one! What you going down the choosing LO route and you go forward with the information and then you see some more photos of them and you dont like them!? Curious to what people think about this! I am queriing everything at the moment and driving hubby mad but I think it is good to think about every eventuality!!!! 

xxx


----------



## Starmaker73

Can I just ask a question about references?  I haven't been given any info on them so far, I'm assuming this will change at my first HS, but I just wanted to know how many you need and who can give you a reference?  I think it's four they need, is that right?  Does one reference have to be an employer?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

No simple answer it varies however the minimum number of references asked is 3 if two people are a couple they count as one reference.  Only one can be a family member the others have to be non relatives.  They have to know you for at least 3 years although some agencies demand longer.  Your employer also has to provide a reference but this is separate.  If you work with children like I do then they send reference requests to every employer you have had. Hope that helps x


----------



## Starmaker73

Oh yikes, the reference from my employer scares me cause I've not even been brave enough to tell them I'm adopting yet.  I know it has to be done, I'm just very good at procrastinating.  I didn't even know one could be a family member, that's nice.  Thanks for the info gwyneth.


----------



## newmum

Thanks for the advice DDCT and its great to hear the lovely family life you are having DDCT  

Star maker as Gwyneth says no simple answer it does vary. We had 2 friends who knew both of us and both employees and one family member

Frangi can I jump on board with Lolly sounds like we are all travelling on this journey at similar times   we haven't even seen a photo and are already hoping LO is the one. I would think if like you said you don't think this is the right link for you then you mustn't go ahead. It's got to be right for all of you. Four SW in one house   sure they can advice you   good luck for Wednesday 

Nm2b x


----------



## Starmaker73

Thanks Nm2b.   I guess I will just wait and see with my LA asks for.  I just want to start thinking about who I am going to ask.


----------



## Lizard39

Starmaker - our references went out last week (1 family member and 2 friends each plus work). However I explained to the SW that I really don't want working knowing about adoption yet, so we have agreed to wait with my work reference and do it as late as possible ready for panel. I have a good relationship with the HR lady I put down so I should be able to get it turned around quite quickly - hence leaving it til as late as we can.

Have a good week everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

With references I think you need to bare in mind who will come across well / say the right things. I know that sounds awful but bare with me.  Some of our friends I know would find the whole situation so stressful they would be nervous wrecks and that wouldn't be the best thing for us. Some people aren't good with strangers either. 

Also asking people who have kids is good but think about their view of parenting. We have our nephews loads and always have we have them over night etc and so their parents DH's brother would seem ideal. However he thinks parenting is the most difficult thing ever, no one has a clue what it involves till they do it, me and DH have no idea how stressful our life will be and it will all turn to chaos because no one can possibly manage to have a routine and some structure when having children. He may or may not be right or wrong however none of that is what a SW needs to hear. E.g. How well prepared are DW and DH for parenting - correct answer - Exceptionally well prepared they regularly have our children overnight and provide an outstanding level of care. Our children adore them. They have researched x, y and z. etc. My BILs answer would be - They have no idea what it's going to be like, no one is prepared to parents, their life will become chaos. Love him but he would be an awful reference however based on what we have done for him and his family he should be our strongest option. Hope that makes sense.


----------



## Doofuz

I agree with what Gwyneth says, be careful who you choose as references, like you say, some people really don't know how to react around people. Good luck with who you choose, am sure all will be fine. 

Loving the into stories, very fluffy and wonderful to read  

Nm2b - This sounds very positive for you, all the best of luck  

Everyone else, sorry no personals but I'm in the garden and can barely see the screen! Good luck, have fun and take care xx

I phoned SW this morning and let her know we would like to carry on for sure with Baby Girl. Hopefully a SW visit next week for us then. Looking for possible questions they may ask, if anyone can help, I would be grateful. What happens in a meeting, on average? Come in, sit down, get tea and biscuits - anything else?.

Have a good day all, make sure you lotion up


----------



## Starmaker73

Ladies, thank you very much for all the reference info, especially the employers one.  I teach children so am definitely going to ask a parent, or two, for a reference, but I completely understand that I need to choose wisely.  There are several mothers/fathers that I get on really well with, but am not sure if they are the 'right' people to give the reference.  It definitely needs a lot of thought.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Fingers crossed for you doofuz. At our meeting there was our SW, LOs SW and family finder. They were here for about 1.5 hours. We talked a lot about LO, we had some questions from CPR and medical. LOs SW looked around house. We saw photos and a DVD and they asked about why this LO, my plans for adoption leave and returning to work. It felt like they knew us from our PAR. We then talked about time frame and they told us panel date....LOs SW had chosen us so it wasn't a competitive match. It was a really nice and straight forward meeting. I hope that helps, good luck x

We have MP on Friday so the excitement is building. I have that horrible nagging feeling of 'I really hope they say yes'. DH is confident all will go to plan....I hope he's right. We love her already. If all does go to plan I am finishing work a week fri!!!!!!! Lots of love and best wishes to you all x


----------



## newmum

Doofuz all positive for you, congratulations we are at a very similar stage as you? We've  got our potential LO (fingers crossed) manager of the children's team, adoption worker SW and our SW coming round for a meeting in a couple of weeks. We've been asked to e-mail any questions we may have prior to the meeting. We've got medical questions to ask but do you think we should also be asking all the routine and likes and dislike, size clothes, shoes, washing powder, favourite toys, bottles and food etc questions to the SW's or leave them for FC's??  I am actually feeling quite calm about this which isn't like me at all!!! 

Wow greeniebop how exciting for you, good luck for Friday, it's only natural you are feeling that way

Hi lolly and frangi how you getting on any news? Do you have any advice for questions to ask seeing as we are at similar stages also?

Don't know what I would do without this site, so helpful and friendly 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oooh yes guys, bring on the questions!! Our meeting with little ones social worker and family finder is Thursday, although our social worker is coming tomorrow so expect to be more clued up then. Have a question about family history and also one about current contact but not sure what else. Like you say, maybe some are more geared towards foster carers   wow, so many of us at a similar stage,   it works out for everyone!

Greenie, wow its coming round so quickly!! You will fly through matching panel in just know it. This is your time lovely


----------



## newmum

Hi Lolly how did your meeting go today with SW? Good news I hope x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Newmum!  Yes it went well thanks, so glad we had it as it really helped us to begin to prepare for Thursday.  She asked us some questions like why this child? What challenges may we face? What are we looking forward to? What if the child didn't attach to us immediately?  Then supported us in preparing some answers.  We gave her our question and her list was about five times as long   But a lot were what I had deemed more appropriate for foster carers like sleep pattern, routine, how well settled child is etc.  So we feel almost ready but kind of more nervous!!    We have lots of notes!  SW is arriving about 45 minutes ahead of child's SW and family finder to help us calm down (she knows me too well  ) I didn't think she was coming, to which she replied "of course I am!" so feel better about that.  We have rearranged our furniture so we are all face to face on Thursday and SW has advised nice biscuits!!  I asked what is the likelihood of things not proceeding and she said it can happen (was hoping for complete reassurance  ) but said as they sourced us she is hopeful.

Have you any more news?  I hadn't actually thought about this bit.  It is scary!!  We need to come across well but not be too formal.  DF is used to business meetings so he is going to try and relax and be his usual out of work self!  2 sleeps  

Doofuz, how are you lovely?  Any more news?  I really hope that this torture doesn't continue too long and you get the news you really deserve  

Frangi, ooooh good luck for tomorrow my lovely!  You will be great, it is clear that you are made to parent your little urchins  

Hi to all


----------



## newmum

Wow lolly this is really happening for you, how exciting!! Good times ahead    
Sounds like today was really useful and you've got loads of notes and prep for Thursday (2 more sleeps eek!) bet you're relived SW will be with you. We've hit a 3 seater and two seater sofa and there's going to be 5 of us, nice and cosy lol now you've mentioned seating arrangements you've got me thinking! Perhaps the kitchen table will do   guess that's not that important in the scale of things   look forward to hearing how it goes on Thursday. Wish you all the best you're gonna be great x 

Frangi good luck also from me for tomorrow 

No news for me just gotta wait for our meeting in a few weeks so getting questions together for SW. Still feeling oddly calm 

Hi everyone else hope you are all enjoying the sunshine

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

We also have a 3 and 2 seater.  SW said she could sit in the middle on a kitchen chair but we agreed we would just be cosy on the 3 seater    I hope the big indentations where one of the sofas has been moved pop out of the carpet by Thursday (small things and all that!) Oh, and we got new cushions    So glad you are calm, it'll really help make the time pass quickly, without the drama.  Can't believe this is all happening for us both.... what happened?!!    

Eeeeeek


----------



## Sq9

Sounds like you are fully prepared lolly.  

Good luck for tomorrow fran  

Hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks all! Glad it went well today Lolly! Our sw is coming early tomorrow! Not sure I can handle it! He he 
x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

You can and you will Fran


----------



## Poppets Mammy

You are all super prepared for your meetings, sounds positive, I'm sure you'll all do great.

You've got me laughing about seating, we've got a big corner group sofa and foot stool, arranged it so foot stool was a seat as well and ended up bringing dining room chair in as well, ppl obviously didn't want to get cosy with each other as they well and truely spread themselves out. What's funny though is during the essential spring clean prior to any SW visit I did the usual Hoover and fluff up of the dog beds and one SW thought they were some sort of bean bag and tried to sit on one   We stopped her before her bum reached it but it was quite hilarious, haha. Thought I'd share   xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck all the lovely ladies (and gents) with SW meetings you will all be wonderful. Poppets Mummy I love it if we're ever stuck I'll offer the dogs cage as an alternative


----------



## newmum

Poppets Mammy    you did make me laugh


----------



## Doofuz

Good luck for your meeting Fran 

Lolly, you sound very prepared! We don't get a prep meeting but we do speak to SW in some form or another. Your questions have been very helpful, looking forward to reading how it went  

Nm2b, I hope your date for a meeting comes through soon 

We have started preparing for our meeting on Monday. The house is tiny but cleaning isn't any easier! Seating! We have a two seater and a cuddle chair, 4 seats really! Oh my..I think I'll borrow my mums footstool and either me or H will have to sit on the floor - the cuddle chair is a bit too cosy for sw's to all get together! Most of the questions we think we'll get are expected but so nervous about those unexpected clangers. 

Any biscuit RECs!? 

Have a good day, still so sunny!


----------



## CrabbyAggy

Hi Ladies, 
How are you for a new wee person on here? 
Used the site in past on the ICSI side, however, are on road now with our new journey in life, and wondered if you would be willing to give any help/info?? 

I am in Sunny Scotland, North Lanarkshire, have any of you adopted thru them before? 
Had inital visit, prep group, and post prep group interview - just had loooooooooooooong chat last night with my social worker (first time I met her) and on Monday she is doing interview with me alone and then with DH the following week. 

So my big question really is time scales!!! as she was fairly broad in the discussion on that part?
Shabba


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi and welcome Shabba / CrabbyAggy, 

The more the merrier everyone on here is really friendly and helpful.  Scotland have different time scales and processes so can't help personally. If you look at old posts there is one called something like Anyone from Scotland I think - that might have some answers or the ladies on there should be able to help x x 

Doofuz -Get scrubbing   cleaning helps calm me so our house will be spotless for all visits although I think they prefer a house to feel clean enough but lived in. SW's may pass out from bleach fumes when they visit me ha ha not so desirable


----------



## newmum

Welcome crabbyaggy welcome aboard and good luck on your journey, you will get plenty of advice and support here  

Doofuz our meeting is the 22nd bit of a delay because of SW holiday and LO SW going on maternity leave so arranging a meeting with others and the next date everyone is free is the 22nd. Happy cleaning! Have you decided on the biscuits lol  

Hope all going good for you today Fran look forward to your update

How you doing Lolly? Crikey one more sleep  

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Poppets mummy that made me giggle!!   the technicalities of it all!! Well hope social worker for little one and the family finder get on well as they will be snuggling up whether they like it or not  

Glad you have got meetings coming up soon newmum and doofuz, get scrubbing girls!! Our house is clean and de-cluttered but also looks lived in (if that makes any sense  ) Biscuits at the ready so bring it on!! Oh goodness I am so nervous  

Fran, really hope today went well  

Hi crabby and welcome, we are a friend bunch and I'm sure you'll learn a lot from these girls, I certainly have and still do


----------



## daisy0609

Hi ladies how are you all? Glad to hear the stories of people progressing through the process start middle and end! Welcome to the newbies as Lolly said it is a friendly bunch and very helpful!
X


----------



## nw1704

Hi ladies,

Another newbie here wanting to join your merry band! I've been a lurker for awhile and find the info great and have finally plucked up the courage to post.

DH and I have had a very similar journey to most of you with infertility and started on the road to adoption last year. We were approved in March 2013 and have now been linked with 2 siblings. We are due to meet the FCs soon with MP planned for August if all goes well. We're very excited!

It's exciting to read about all the ones with children recently placed and the ones that are at the same stage as us- it can be lonely on planet adoption!

Wishing those with meetings soon good luck- I was so nervous and still haven't relaxed as I'm so used to things going wrong, lol.

Will keep reading and lurking!  
nw xx


----------



## oliver222

CrabbyAggy said:


> Hi Ladies,
> How are you for a new wee person on here?
> Used the site in past on the ICSI side, however, are on road now with our new journey in life, and wondered if you would be willing to give any help/info??
> 
> I am in Sunny Scotland, North Lanarkshire, have any of you adopted thru them before?
> Had inital visit, prep group, and post prep group interview - just had loooooooooooooong chat last night with my social worker (first time I met her) and on Monday she is doing interview with me alone and then with DH the following week.
> 
> So my big question really is time scales!!! as she was fairly broad in the discussion on that part?
> Shabba


Hi Crabby,
I am North Lanarkshire but going through Glasgow. We had an eight month delay between prep group and getting social worker and homestudy starting due to lack social worker. Met sw for first time in Dec 24th 2012 but started hs properly on 22nd Jan. Hs finished on 20th May . Then had observation visit with my young nephew on 4th June and second opinion visit with sw manager on 14th June. I am now just waiting for panel. Sw was supposed to have all paperwork back to me at end of June so could be at panel in August but still not finished but email yesterday saying still hopeful for August.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone, 

Sorry not posted for a while I can't seem to find the time anymore hehe. 
I've been reading when I get 5 mins. 

Hope your all ok? 

We're now 4 weeks in to little man being home and it feels like he's always been here. 
He's just started walking bless him. He's doing fab we have a great routine and he's thriving  

I can honestly say I can't imagine our life without him and all that we went through to get him has just faded into the back ground. He's amazing, beautiful clever and very funny. 

Everyone still waiting, just starting out hang in there it really is worth everything. 

Sorry no personals I'm struggling to catch up lol

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Lizard39

Hello & welcome NW & Shabba - this thread is fab and so supportive so feel free to ask away with questions. It's also fab reading for learning and will def help you throughout the process! 

Lolly, NM2B, Doofuz & Poppet's Mammy - you have made me chuckle re your 'seating arrangement' discussion! Just made sure you open lots of windows today Lolly as its going to be hot hot hot when you are getting all cozy!   good luck today & can't wait to hear how it goes   Doofuz - re biscuits - I'd avoid chocolate ones in this weather! 

Greeniebop - only one more sleep til MP. How are you feeling? At our prep group this week the SW said she'd they only go to MP when they are certain - doesn't stop the nerves though does it. When will you start intro's & stop work? 

Emma is a Mummy - lovely post and thanks for sharing. Very encouraging for all of us going through the process! 

Hello to everyone else  

AFU - we finished Prep Group this week and really enjoyed it, though was emotional at times! Though I must admit I have learnt soooo much from all you lovely ladies (& guys!) & reading all of the adoption posts that helped so much when in the small & big group discussions - so thank-you. Everything moving in the right direction for us - references out, booked medicals, DBS checks done & first HS session booked for 20th July.


----------



## Frangipanii

Well lovelies it was four and a half hours long but awesome! I have to keep this short cos we drank last night and we dont drink! So headache is horrid! 

But all I wanna say is it is a yes from us ! And they have booked panel so it looks like a yes from them although not official!!

Going to be a mummy to two little urchins!!!

Xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Woohooooo...Fran   do you know when panel is and when intros start? Huge congratulations. This thread is full of so much going on at the moment and all positive   I love it x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hope you got my message last night Fran, I was having some technical issues!! Oops   You didn't tell me you had a panel date you sneak!!!   That is just amazing, so happy for you!! Wow, long session but all sounds so positive. The hangover may be bad but worth it I'm sure!!! Yay Frangi!!!!  

Oh goodness, I'm starting to feel super nervous with big butterflies churning up my insides!


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi ladies...


Gosh I need to come on here more often as so much seems to happen and I can't keep up with u all.


Congratulations to those who have been matched or approved. 


Good luck to all those just starting out.


Welcome to the newbies, this place is fab and so supportive. I'd b lost without u all.


All the process is so worth it and We will all get our dreams come true and become mummies   


We go to panel next Thursday, I'm excited but so nervous. Not sure wot to wear or how to prepare for it.


Love and luck to u all.
Take care.


Lou x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats Frangi, really pleased for you.

Hi Lizard, it is indeed MP tomorrow. As long as all goes to plan we will meet LO 2 weeks today and are due to bring her home 3 weeks today, all ready to celebrate her first birthday!!!!! Very excited and nervous about tomorrow, I just hope that it all goes OK. We are then off to Cornwall for the weekend as hopefully this will be our last chance

Take care everyone, off to an exercise class to try and burn off some of this nervous energy x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Yay Fran been waiting for you to post. Bad head in this weather is awful poor you.  
Greenie can't wait for more good news tomorrow send me into the weekend on a real high. 
Lizard glad you enjoyed it and have HS start sorted. 
Angel good luck you'll be great. 
Sorry anyone I've missed love to you all x x


----------



## Lizard39

Enjoy Cornwell Fran - make the most of just you and hubby time!  

Gwyneth - any sight of a SW yet so you can start next stage?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Not yet they said they'd contact us in 2 - 3 weeks so another 2 weeks to wait probably. But our application is in and the clock is ticking so I'm trying to be calm and accept they'll call when they call.


----------



## Lizard39

Good news that they have officially accepted your application Gwyneth and the clock is indeed ticking. Enjoy this nice weather and time with hubby whilst you are waiting as you'll never get this time back!


----------



## newmum

Aw great news Fran congratulations made up for you  

Greeniebop good luck for tomorrow and what an exciting and nervous few weeks you've got coming up. Amazing  

Angel Mummy nice one getting through HS, now the question of what to wear at panel. Well I wanted to be myself, comfortable and look like a Mum that will get down on her hands and knees and get stuck on which I will! So I wore jeggings and a nice tunic/dress top and DH wore jeans with shoes and a shirt. I also had my hair done any excuse   good luck for Thursday and my advice would be just be yourself  

Lolly is it one more sleep Eeek  

We sent our questions to SW yesterday in preparation for our meeting. 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I'm going to be a mummy!!!!  To 8 month old pink!  They couldn't have been nicer or more positive.  We have booked a day of meetings to speak with foster carers, medical advisor and have a pre-panel meeting (we get the matching certificate that day!!!) Then panel September and she will be home end of September for good!  Oh my goodness, it really is what dreams are made of


----------



## Starmaker73

Awwwww excellent news.  Congratulations


----------



## newmum

Congratulations Lolly so happy for you   sorry I got my days mixed up!! Wow end of September your baby girl will be home lovely news x x you must be so chuffed


----------



## Lizard39

Fab news Lolly - you must be so excited and amazing that your littl girl is so young  do you mind me asking.....why is it taking another 2 months til panel & 2.5 months til you meet her? Seems ages away when all parties are in agreement with the match.


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news Lolly .


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks guys!! We have meetings, lots of paperwork to do, as do all the social workers involved (which needs to be in 3 weeks before), plus we have a holiday booked and they only run panels twice a month


----------



## Frangipanii

Awesome Lolly!!!
What a week!!!! Thanks for all the congrats!!!Buying beds tomorrow!! X x x


----------



## Doofuz

Wahoo! Congratulations lolly! Awww such lovely news, so pleased for you xx

Fran, you too! Lovely lovely stuff. So excited for you xx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations       fran and lolly.  Amazing news.
Good luck for tomorrow greenie.
So much fabulous and exciting news on her at the minute  
Take care xx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Congrats to Fran and Lolly    fast work you two!!!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Mahoosive mahoosive congratulations Fran and Lolly!!!!

So pleased for you both   

And what's even better is that 3 more amazing children are going to have lovely forever mummies and a very happy life 

Afu we got the green light to put the application in for the ao today they have said that we should get it through within a few weeks as they will push it through as quick as possible for us


----------



## Wyxie

Congratulations Fran and Lolly.  Wonderful news.

We're all still alive and despite Wyxling's best efforts the front room window is still in one piece!  I am completely knackered, Bladelet is lovely, Wyxling is more like a force of nature than a little girl with all the usual highs and lows, but doing pretty well in the circumstances compared to where we were a week ago, I hope I'm doing enough for both of them but not really sure I'm coming close for either.  We're very much at the "one day at a time" stage right now.

Sure I missed lots of stuff on here lately, things are a bit manic at times, and I'm trying to get some evening time with hubby where possible, plus still make it swimming and running.  

In unrelated news I swam half a mile in under 20 minutes this morning, not brilliant, but the best I've managed to do since a pretty nasty fall last year.  Leg is mending.


----------



## Frangipanii

Still not got the official nod yet. Got to wait till monday!!!! Sw says their opinion of us was great and she said they will bite our hand off!!!! And even spoke to childrens sw and she said her opinion was obvious but she has to speak to manager first!!! She also said being in our house was wonderful and she could have stayed for hourse
! So lots of positives but why does it feel so hard not knowing. We were pn cloud cookoo land this morning ans bought a cot and a pram but since speaking to sw's I feel quite awful!!! What if it goes wrong!!!!
Sorry for me moan post!! X x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

We got a yes at MP so we are officially mummy and daddy to the most gorgeous little girl last week at work and intros following week and home week after that x


----------



## newmum

Greeniebob you are a mummy!!   congratulations and you bring your precious daughter home soon wonderful news x hope you don't mind me asking how long did it take from link/match to matching panel? enjoy your celebrating tonight


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks newmum2b, we were linked exactly 1 month ago so not long at all between linking meeting and mp. Wishing u all the best. On my second glass if pink bubbles


----------



## MummyElf

Greenie, Fran, Lolly........congratulations!!!        

Really am made up for you all! There are highs and lows but nothing is more worth it! And I say that after my first week on my own with my daughter! 

Yippeeeeeeeee! The    is on his way!


----------



## GERTIE179

Greenie - CONGRATULATIONS!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Brilliant news greenie!!! So happy for you mummy, congratulations!!  

Fran, they loved you, you loved them, all is perfect and it will be good!! Promise  

Thanks for the congrats everyone. A month today we have a full day of meetings with different people and professionals involved with little one, excited!! Next week we will get some new photos, super duper excited!! Yesterday the said little one mirrors our personality already and has a look of DF (could tell he was chuffed to bits  ) she is perfect  

Happy Friday everyone


----------



## newmum

Thanks Greenie and enjoy your pink fizz x


----------



## oliver222

Huge congrats Greenie.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwwwww greenie I'm so happy for you. 

All the waiting is totally worth it. 

Enjoy your last week in work and sleep sleep sleep lol

Congratulations big big hugs xxxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Ps loving the name change greenie  xxxx


----------



## Sq9

Massive congrats greenie! You are a mummy


----------



## TillyT

Hi ladies

Getting closer to September when we can get ball rolling with initial visit etc. thinking ahead to the prep course, hubby works in education, has anyone else been in this situation that work in a school/college setting? I'm just thinking about the time off work situation, and how this might have been managed.

Thanks in advance

Tilly

Ps it's so lovely to read all the positive posts at the moment, I can't wait to get started and be partof it all


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greenie is a mummy!!!!!!!        Congratulations Hun x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Tilly, 

It's basically at his managers digression. As current laws are he has no right to the time off. I was a primary school teacher and moved jobs because I knew they wouldn't give me the time off for prep and this is my priority. Saying that there were 2 teachers on my prep course so their management obviously allowed them to do it. Just luck really I hope he has an understanding boss x


----------



## Frangipanii

Congrats Greenie!!
Just  thought they would not have given us a panel date if they were not serious surely!!! Xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Congrats Greenie!!! It's a fabulous feeling isn't it?


Lots of love to all those working hard through the system. Every day you wake up you are a step closer   


We're getting on well although I am shattered   We had a BBQ last night with friends as a little celebration. LO was still running about at 8pm and I was falling asleep!!!   'Somebody takes his batteries out please! ' He was charming all our guests with his toddler talk, cheeky grin and raucous laughter ... watering all the plants in the garden and soaking our labrador. Life's good.


Love Noodles x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

It's so exciting reading all your wonderful updates. Congratulations 😄😄😄

DH and I completed our 1st day of prep yesterday. It was really enjoyable but oh my goodness how draining. I was in bed fast asleep by 9.30pm. We had 8 couples on our course, all seemed lovely. DH and I got talking to a few of them and also agreed to exchange numbers etc. Two couples are back to adopt for a 2nd time through the same authority - that's a good sign! In the morning we had the embarrassing ice breaking moment, we had to stand up, introduce ourselves and explain why we were given our name. It was very interesting listening to everyone. At the end of the exercise the SW explained the importance of our LO keeping their original name - it's their identity & their only link with BF.  We also looked at a case study which brought up great discussion. I seemed to do lots of the talking - I was aware of this and kept trying to keep quiet - it didn't last. I just don't want them thinking I'm over confident. The afternoon a doctor came and spoke through lots of medical issues / additional needs surrounding the children. It was so draining and heavy going. I know it's vital that we listen to it though. We are back next Friday for our final day of prep, I'm really looking forward to it. X


----------



## Frangipanii

Officially linked!!!!! X x x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Yay congrats!!!!!!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic fran x x


----------



## alig1972

Hi

Congrats Fran!! 

We have our 2nd home study session tomorrow afternoon with SW and really looking forward to it...

Bye for now, Ali


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations fran


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Whoop whoop Fran!!! Brilliant news, get purchasing mummy


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats fran, fab news

I just heard my daughter on the phone!!!!!! Admitedly she was crying because it's so hot. I am in love with her x


----------



## Doofuz

Congratulation Fran! Fantastic news 

I haven't looked on here for a few days as we have been tied up with prepping for today's meeting. Will catch up in a bit with all your news. 

So today we had our meeting for our competitive match. Stressed and tired but also excited for a whole week before. A weekend away for H's birthday and back home yesterday to finish the last jobs we needed to do. The meeting went very well and couldn't have asked for nicer people to visit. They also said at the end that they had planned to visit one other couple but they need to talk about it on the journey home (4 hours!) And they may not visit them at all. We could tell they liked us, my experience with children sparked excellent conversation and H and I both said how much fun the meeting actually was. H then took me out for lunch at the beach, I had the mussels and a large glass of pinot 

We find out tomorrow, long night, no sleep!


----------



## Doofuz

Ah that's so cute Greenie!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww greenie, I bet you just wanted to cuddle her! How lovely, although not that she was upset!!

Doofuz, I must say it sounds positive. Sending good wishes, positive vibes, lots of luck and will keep my fingers firmly crossed   I hope you sleep lovely  

So our social worker rang today to check we were ok, no second thoughts (as if!) and then emailed us the minutes of the meeting on Thursday. We have bought quite a few bits today. We need to spread the cost and get organised but equally I still worry as although formally linked nothing is officially official yet. Did anyone else feel like that?


----------



## Starmaker73

Awwww congratulations Fran. I love coming on here and reading everyone's good news.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congrats fran so happy for you. 

Lolly spend spend spend honey  

Greenie that's lovely bet you can't wait to meet her now, not long  

Big hugs everyone xxxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Just wanted to make sure I popped on to celebrate all the good news!  Well done Fran, Greenie, Doofuz! Lolly, get your plastic out!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Ok, don't need telling twice!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi quick question. Can anyone recommend a group 1 car seat pref isofix?


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news Fran


----------



## Doofuz

Lolly, definitely get spending! I'm waiting for word and I'm off out for all sorts tomorrow


----------



## newmum

Great news Fran   congratulations

Doofuz your meeting sounded positive good luck for tomorrow bet you can't wait to hear the news

Aw Greenie how cute

Keep spending Lolly  

AFU 7 more sleeps till meeting with possible link LO

Nm2b x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi Greenie is a mummy 
We have Maxi Cosi priorifix is isofix but I have the Axis and swear by it. The main thing is enduring its suitable for your car or cars you plan to use it in. We managed to match the same seat LO uses with FC but that was luck rather than design. Kiddicare is good at looking those that are most popular and may help you narrow down.
Fran  & Lolly - congrats on your link
Doofuz - fingers crossed

Hi to everyone else. Just had an amazing family day out at nearby children's petting so land can't believe how far LO has came since being home for 6months. Just love my little monster soo much and feeling a very proud mummy. It really is the best feeling but a lot of work & tears to get to this point.

X x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Gertie! Can I be cheeky and ask - how long have you had LO? Our LO has been here 3 weeks and we're definitely all making progress.


We are doing well although visits from his SW upsets him as he thinks its a meeting with BM.   So the last few days have been harder.   


DH and I agree he is a little Gem but a handful. Jo Frost toddler book to the rescue!!    


Mummy Noodles XX


----------



## Doofuz

Greenie, can I just say congratulations to you too as I missed your post to say you got through matching panel. How exciting for you, so pleased about this good news! 

I'm waiting for a call, again. This time it should be the call I feel we have been waiting for all our our married life together. I feel so positive but really trying not to get hopes high in case they get dashed. So I'm spending the day in the garden with the cordless phone and my book 

Have a good day everyone, more sunshine!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Doofuz


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you lolly, thank goodness for you people!  x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Doofuz - I am urging the phone to ring for you! I really really really hope they choose you!!!! Everything crossed!

Greenie - not long until you meet your princess! We have maxi cosi tobi seats in our main car and the kids like them because they can see out of the window because of the height, they are perfect for us. We have the priori in the other car and that's ok, but we prefer the Tobi. Also have a britax one which I don't like, it was a friends that they passed on but the quality and fit doesn't seem as good as maxi cosi seats.

Fran - yay  congratulations on being linked 

Lolly - enjoy the shopping 

Quick question, we are considering emigrating to Australia, once our AO is in is this allowed? Obviously we will maintain letter box and the children will know where they are from etc.

X

Thanks


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks everyone!!!!yippee twelve years of waiting and I am going to be a mummy!!
Lolly- we are buying lots but making sure we buy so it fits two kids under four which we specified. So pram from birth to four and cot which turns into a bed. Etc. 
Doofuz....hubby and I cannot wait to hear your news!!! We haveeverything crossed for you!!!our heart strings r crossed!!! Xxx
to everyone else ...Thanks for support u are all wonderful!!
Greenie your post is so wonderful!!!! What an amazing feeling!!! 
Dreams.... some of our social workers previous clients have emigrated. They obviously had to wait till children were fully settled but they went and there was more than a few couples who did it. So start planning!!! We'd love to move to Brisbaine but my folks are getting on a bit so I cant but with a brother in singapore I can see plenty of reasons to fly over!!! love reading your updates!!!
love to allllllll x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks Frangipani, that helps  My dad is Australian and so my folks are wanting to move back, my brother is in Melbourne and sis going so it could be a wise move for us!

X


----------



## Lizard39

I also know of a couple that moved from UK to another European country a month after AO. So once little one is yours you ae free to go!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congrats to everyone with new links, I'm struggling to keep up to date so no personals sorry. Read all the time and I'm filled with much joy with all the good news recently

DDTC - I know someone who moved to Austrailia after adopting two Lo's so Yes it is possible. Once adoption order is through you can do what you like so to speak. Sounds good  

Xx


----------



## oliver222

hope the phone rings soon for you Doofuz.


----------



## Wyxie

DDCT, once you have the AO you can do whatever you want.  At that stage you and your husband have parental responsibility and all the same rights you would have had if you were their biological parents.  The Local Authorities' shared PR ends at the date of the Adoption Order.


----------



## Doofuz

Bit of a late one but that's the way it goes when you celebrate all evening  Officially linked with 4 month old baby girl (not baby pink but cerise, or even fushia ) Panel on Aug 9th, intros soon after. Grinning from ear to ear. Granny had loads of pressies already, I now own 6 muslins and 6 dribble bibs! 

Love love this forum, may everyone get the news they deserve. Thank you for you guys xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Wow congratulations!!!!! What an amazing age and quick panel, ours was 4 mths when we said yes to adopt...but it took 6 mths to get her home! Your LA clearly don't hang about  x


----------



## oliver222

Amazing news congratulations doofuz.


----------



## Lizard39

OMG Doofuz - that is such wonderful news. DH and I would love a baby so you and DDCT have given me hope that there are very young LO for forever families. You must be on cloud nine


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo fantastic news doofuz so happy for you. 

Hi to everyone hope your all well? 

A little update from us. 
Little man has now been home 5 weeks and they've flown by, little man has settling in great and we have a fab routine. 
We really enjoy going on play dates and having lots of walks. The weight is falling off me all the walking I'm doing lol. 
Feels like he's always been here and was really can't shine life without him. 

Everyone starting out or waiting hang in there it really is worth it. 

Our little man was 7 months when we said yes, 10 months when he came home and next month he's one. Can't believe it  

Truly amazing

Hugs xxxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow Doofuz, a teeny tiny princess!! Many congratulations hunny, so happy for you!! And quick moving too, they want her home with mummy and daddy asap!  

Lovely update Emma, I know you are so happy!! Following in your footsteps hunny ( ) Roll on September


----------



## Primmer

Doofuz - that is great news you must be so excited !!!!!

Emma - thank you for your update, hearing from you mummy's gives us all hope that we will get there one day!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Doofuz so happy for you hope the champagne corks haven't stopped popping!!!!!!!!!!!
Emma get that birthday cake in the oven, blow up balloons how wonderful x x x


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you guys. In shock, its going so quick, we are nowhere near ready as didn't want to jinx it. Having to put pushchair on hold and stick with ring sling for now as a lot cheaper, and obviously good for attachment. Need to buy a car too, very unprepared! 

Emma, how lovely that you are looking forward to celebrating your baby turning 1. Enjoy the time, looking forward to updates x

Everyone else, enjoy your day. I am off to a friends now for a cuppa and to pick up the monitors I lent her! All so weird!


----------



## GERTIE179

Doofuz - what excellent news!! Enjoy!! Gumtree etc are excellent options for buggy etc if you narrow down your options.its a great way of getting stair gates and other items that people don't need anymore and best if all you get lots very quickly at fraction of the cost. I also got some toys and just used my steam cleaner to make sure they were germ free as poss.

X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Milton is child safe way to clean toys too x


----------



## newmum

Excellent news Doofuz, congratulations.,look forward to reading your updates. You must be so happy x


----------



## thespouses

Just a quickie, I rang our LA yesterday to ask about concurrent planning - the SW sounded positive about our experiences adopting our little boy but technically we might be too old. We aren't ready to start anything yet (I only rang now because I was worried the prep course for 2nd time adopters might be 6 months away), but she's checking and going to call us back in the next couple of days.

If they won't take us, it doesn't mean the end of the road as we can still apply to quite a few other LAs.  We think the original VA we applied with might take us as 2nd time adopters too, but we'd be waiting ages to apply with them (we'd have to wait till our little boy is nearly 5 as they would only place an over-3 with us), and both from that point of view and because we want to adopt a baby again, we don't want to do that.  

So everything crossed here!


----------



## Cupcakekisses

Congratulations Doofuz         teeny tiny fabulously cerise is wonderful news!

We're on 4 week countdown as of today for approval panel....starting to nail bite already!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Doofuz!!!  Amazing news congrats x x x so pleased for u!
Anyone know anything about start up grants. Just wondering if we will get one or not. Trying to spread the costs of everything we need. 
Emma....lovely update!!! Happy family!!!
Hope everyone is ok. 
Good luck to u the spouses!!! 
Xxxx


----------



## happypenguin

What a wonderful bunch of recent posts. 

Congratulations to you all  

Thespouses - I guess the question is.... how old are you?would be interesting to know what they think may be 'too old'

AFU - we've reached the end of our home study and we've had our PAR (thrilled with it!) Now it's the last few weeks till we are at BOTH panels in August. Suddenly it all becomes amazingly real!!!!


----------



## Doofuz

Thank you for your lovely messages. Definitely still on cloud 9 and very excited. Lizard, indeed there is hope, you never know what is going to happen, we had our thoughts originally on a 2 year old boy  

They are moving quick as I mentioned in the meeting about children being clingy at around 9months +. Apparently they were impressed with my knowledge of childcare and the way I 'spoke warmly' about the children in my family. Couldn't ask for more, the fact that we will be there for the majority of her firsts makes me well up every time I think about it. 

Good things come to those who wait, its all true


----------



## thespouses

happypenguin said:


> Thespouses - I guess the question is.... how old are you?would be interesting to know what they think may be 'too old'


I'm 46 - little boy is 44 years younger than me - so if we need to have a child 45 years or less younger than me, and 2 years or more younger than little boy - that isn't possible if they stick to the technicalities. Hubby is, well, older.

I have heard of a lot of people adopting a child more than 45 years younger than them so it's definitely possible with some LAs/VAs. It's really just a question of whether we can find one of them.


----------



## katie c

Hi ladies. We finally have good news too!

We were unanimously recommended at marching panel today. Subject to the ratification which can take two to three weeks (our LA doesn't like to rush anything   and then surprise surprise! SWs holidays (!), we are provisionally pencilled in to meet him 23 Aug   

Gutted we aren't going to be there for his first birthday but that's planet adoption for you. Bloody slow coaches.

I am not popping the champagne corks until we do get ratification, but what could possibly go wrong now? I am finally finally going to be a mum...I can't believe it.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulation Katie!! I will pop the champagne for you if you want because you are a mummy!!!  

Uh oh Doofuz, our little lady will be 10 months   Although Emma has been reassuring me!!  

Ooh, newmum, not long now   how are you feeling? Did you get a picture hun?

Hi Fran, how is my intro buddy doing?!!

Gwyneth, you are doing just fab lovely, not long now!!  

Love and hugs to everyone else  

More shopping, this time gorgeous little tops and leggings. They are delicious!!! Oh and cot bed came today. Happy


----------



## Frangipanii

Ditto Lolly...cotbed came today!!! Xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Congratulations Katie - you must be over the moon  . Like Lolly i'll pop the champagne for you! Also, another teeny weeny LO - you are all on a roll with this and I can' wait to be in your shoes! 

Loving the shopping updates Lolly & Fran. I even allowed myself to indulge at looking at cot bets the other night - purely for research purposes you understand!  

Xxx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations doofuz and Katie.  Fabulous news and gives those of us who are still going through the assessment process hope that dreams do come true.
Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## newmum

Congrats Katie more good news x

Lolly I'm feeling ok thanks think nerves will kick in on the weekend. Got my SS birthday to keep me distracted  no photo yet just a gorgeous image in my head. We've sent a long list of question to SW (she's on holiday this week though) and LO SW is on maternity so her manager will also see the questions. Just hope they like us 

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww newmum, so so understand those types of feelings. I am sure they will, if they are visiting then that is an excellent sign. I was so nervous during the build up but as soon as they arrived I totally relaxed. It's all surreal but as crazy as it sounds just be yourself. They like you on paper so bring the image they have to life. And get nice biscuits


----------



## newmum

Thanks for the support Lolly means a lot

I'm well jell of all the cot buying  

What biscuits did you get in? Could be our good luck charm  

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Gotta be a good chocolate hobnob


----------



## Frangipanii

I ditto  what Lolly was saying Newmum2b I was a nervous wreck until they got there and then completely relaxed! They would not be coming if they didnt think you were right!! Relax! We had to provide lunch as they were coming a big distance from down south. So I did quiche and four salads and humous etc. I also bought a chocolate cake from the local bakers. They loved it!!! Cant believe it was this time last week!!!! Remember to impress them with your questions as it will show you have thought of everything!!! Good luck!!!!! Its your time!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


----------



## newmum

Chocolate hob nobs it is then! Will keep them in the fridge  

Wow frangipani making lunch on top of the nerves! I will get the list of questions printed out. Thanks for the good luck


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

That's what we did newmum, a list of questions although they answered lots just within our general chat about little one! It shows you have thought of all areas, you care and shows commitment. Our first question was quite simply 'What is she like? We can't wait to hear all about her!'  

Sounds like social workers were treated Fran!! Yum!


----------



## skyblu

WOW, So so much fantastic news going on here, Congratulations to you all. And wow again on the fast matches and intros, shame not all agencies and VA's are the same.!!!! 

A bit of an update from us. Lo has now been with us for 4 months and 4 days, not that I'm counting the days 
She is doing really really well and it honestly feels she has allways been part of our family.
We had our first family weekend away to meet dh family. 
We had a horrendous drive there, it was very hot, the air conditioner in the car packed up and the cues on the M4 were hell and to get into Henley that weekend was hell,  We were in a cue for just over 1hr, in the end myself and lo walked to mother in laws and got there an hr before dh 
To say lo didn't enjoy the travel there is understatement even though we stopped 3 times and a journey that should of took 4 hrs took 7hrs 
The journey back was a breeze, but we had a fantastic time and lo took to her new family really well and really enjoyed meeting her new cousins. 
Meeting my dh granny, who is 101 in August didn't go as well, we were sitting down when Lo said at the top of her voice, like they do when they embaress you " why is that in a pram" meaning granny in her wheel chair. After explain that granny was'nt a that and she was a person and the pram was a wheel chair as she was very old and is unable to walk very far, she then said that she didn't like her as she looked scary. As you can imagine an 101 person would look scary to a 2 yr old and poor granny didn't get a kiss goodbye but everyone else did  but hey what can you do.

On a brighter note we had our final review meeting on Tuesday and we have now had the go ahead to apply to the courts.
Hopfuly by October lo will be ours for ever. And even better news, bm has said she will not be contesting the adoption anymore and just wants her little girl to be happy.

Adoption may be hard, but the feeling when you get to the end is overwhelming, to say you are MUMMY AND DADDY for EVER. Brilliant. 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## MummyElf

Skyblu glad it went so well! Gutting about the journey - I think the heat is making everything longer and more difficult! The granny thing made me laugh! Kids always say things as they see them don't they, usually with Scarlett faced parents giggling nervously behind and apologising profusely! My niece recently did the very loud 'why is that lady in a wheelchair mummy?'. My sister was less than amused as said lady went on to explain in great detail why she was in the wheelchair....think my sis just wanted to do her shopping and not hear a full medical history explained to her 3 year old  

Can't wait to reach 'the end' and have our adoption finalised! Be so lovely when SS stop visiting


----------



## thespouses

Well, it's not good news. Our LA won't consider us for concurrency or in fact for adoption at all because of hubby's age (well, she said "the balance of ages"). I'm not sure if they'd have considered us if I was younger than I am, with him at his age. They won't consider us for adoption in the future with an older child (but still younger than little boy) either, at least that's what they say (wonder if they'd think differently if we went back in 10 years asking to adopt a 10 year old??!)

I do think we'll ask around other LAs if they might consider us to adopt a baby but this has really knocked me back. Hubby will be upset too as he's sensitive about his age - sure some of you are familiar with the story, meeting late in life and struggling to start a family.


They did say we might be able to foster but that's not what we want now, at all.


----------



## katie c

oh spouses, i am sorry to read that   

i didn't realise if one party was older it would be a barrier, i assumed if one parent was in the age range that'd be ok


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry the spouses that's really upsetting. I think it's really hard to hit brick walls like that when we have already been through so much. Is going abroad again an option ? Or are you not keen on doing it that way again? Very uneducated about these things I'm afraid so can't offer useful advice. Just wanted to say it it rubbish that others are making you feel this way and go through this.


----------



## crazyspaniel

the spouses x
How about a VA?


----------



## oliver222

Sorry to hear not good news spouses. Hopefully you will have luck with another agency.

Well not going to August panel as they are full. So am pencilled in for middle of September, seems ages away. But going to be positive and try and get little jobs that need doing around house done, just in case we get a quick match. Can but hope.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

APPROVED!!
One girl aged 2-5

We went into the room with our two SWs containing 8 strangers who asked us questions about how we found the process, about our support network, how we relax and finally about if my father's way of parenting would impact on our child (he used to belt and slipper me when I was bad, he doesn't do this now). We were in there 10 minutes before we were asked to leave.

Our SWs stayed in the room answering some more questions and we waited in a room upstairs.

Then after around 20 minutes our SWs returned and gave us the good news, they said that we were very calm in the panel and that we answered the questions very well.

We should get a letter in the next 7-10 days from the decision maker ratifying the panel's decision.

We went for a posh lunch afterwards and then came home to catch up on some sleep.

Good luck to those of you who are going to panel soon, just be yourselves and it will be fine.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased Paul good luck for a quick match x x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi everyone

so sorry for lack of personals but..........

we got APPROVED!!!!

it was an unanimous yesss, they were so happy with us.
i was so nervous before hand and had been awake from 3 this morning worrying. dont no y i was worried as they were lovely. they asked a few questions and we were soon out out the room waiting for an answer.....it felt like the longest few minutes ever. when we was told its a yes i got a bit emotional lol.

still on    it hasnt really sunk in yet. my and dh went for a nice meal to celebrate.

now gotta wait on being matched to our child   

dream really do come true   

love to all
lou x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Congratulations - such great news xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awwwwww, another great news day!!! Two more sets of mummies and daddies to be, many congratulations guys


----------



## newmum

spouses do hope there is another option for you??

Paulipoo and I'm going to be a mummy    happy day for you today  

Nm2b x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

The Spouses, so sorry to hear but ask around, I reckon there will be other LA's or VA's who will consider you.

Lovely news to the newly approved mummies and daddies!!  Well done you xxx


----------



## bluedreams

Firstly, thespouses I'm so sorry to hear about your news, gutting probably isn't the word for it.  Like others have said though, different agencies sometimes have different rules, so perhaps try contacting another.

Oh my goodness!! How much good news?! I've not been on for about a week and reading this has made me grin from ear to ear.  It's amazing all of these matches, not just how quick they are going, but how young the children are?  It's so much better for them and us that they get an earlier age to attach from.

As for us.... Phase 1 of the new system, here we come!


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations Paul and I'm going to be a mummy   you are going to be parents  
The spouses you should definitely shop around.  I'm 40 and hubby is 49 and our age has never been an issue with our LA and we are looking to be matched (if we get approved  ) with a baby up to 12 months old and again that hasn't been a problem at all. Crazy how there are so many different criteria depending on where you apply.
Lovely to hear things going well skyblu. 
Lolly and fran - how is the shopping going? I'm really looking forward to getting to the stage  
Any news from sw yet gwyneth?
Good luck with the new system bluedreams.
Hope everyone else is ok and hasn't melted in this heat.  We don't have air conditioning at work and sitting in a stuffy courtroom all day not being able to take my jacket off has been hideous. I think work should be banned on days like today  
Take care xx


----------



## thespouses

Thanks all for the kind words. Our issue is that a second child will have to be younger than our little boy but we are definitely going to ask around and possibly appeal. We are not sure about a VA as it's not that likely they'd want to approve us for a baby and we don't want to wait till our little boy is 7 or so to adopt an older preschooler (and we do really want to adopt a baby because we feel it is very unfair to a child to have such a completely different start in life - why can't we do the same for each of our children is really the question).

We aren't really sure we want to go overseas again for a variety of reasons.

Anyway congrats to those who were just approved!


----------



## Lizard39

We have our first HS study tomorrow with a SW we haven't met before. She doesn't actually work for our LA but is an independent who I believe our LA use frequently to do HS. Given that she is going to be delving into our lives, do you think it's acceptable for us to ask her about her work background, if she has a family etc? Not worries about tomorrow, just wondered what the protocol is


----------



## Lizard39

Congratulations to Pauliboo & Lou - fab news yesterday  

The Spouses - sending you big   I replied to your thread re age - hope you can phone around other LA/VA and move forward.

Lovely update Skyblu  

Hello to everyone else - hope you are looking forward to the weekend


----------



## Starmaker73

Congratulations Paul and Mummy to be.  What wonderful news.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Hi all,

Thanks for all your lovely messages, we are on cloud nine at the moment, it doesn't actually feel real.
We will be a daddy and mummy it's just a case of when and not if anymore.



Lizard39 said:


> We have our first HS study tomorrow with a SW we haven't met before. She doesn't actually work for our LA but is an independent who I believe our LA use frequently to do HS. Given that she is going to be delving into our lives, do you think it's acceptable for us to ask her about her work background, if she has a family etc? Not worries about tomorrow, just wondered what the protocol is


We also had an independent and she was lovely, it actually worked quite well in that she would work evenings and weekends. We also asked her for her credentials, in fact she shared much more about herself than we asked her.
I don't think her having a family or not really matters, it's more to do with her experience of doing PARs and whether she has done any matching too as then you can ask what the family finders look for.

Hope it all goes well for you x


----------



## Wyxie

Lizard, I think it's completely acceptable to ask about her work background, but not to ask about her personal life.

Good luck with the HS.

We're still head above water just about.  Bladelet is doing well, Wyxling is getting me down.  A lot of days I have to be honest and say that as much as I love her, I really do not like her very much at all.  She is trying her very best to be as oppositional and obnoxious as she can with me, just me, and as with most things Wyxling puts serious effort into, she is doing very well at it.  We have the odd flashes of the lovely little girl she can be, but with me, mostly it's just very hard work and a constant attempt to stay one step ahead.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Definitely agree to ask social worker about her experience, but as a professional she probably won't be able to talk about personal life. I have been asked before if I have children by the parents I work with. On occasion parents haven't accepted my advice or judgement the same as 'what do I know'. Family doesn't really come into it, it's experience of that job role. Eeek, so excited you are starting tomorrow


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lizard I agree, it's fine to ask about working background but not about personal information ie whether she has a family or not. It always rattles me when ppl ask me at work about my personal life coz really the fact of whether I have or have not got a family etc has no impact on me as a professional. Plus you just don't know her background and may touch a nerve, for example when I was going through fertility treatment and ppl making comments like 'do you not want a baby yourself yet'. You'll prob find as the homestudy progresses and you build a relationship you'll get an insight into her personal life, but it is just that - her personal life.

Wyxie -   poor wyxling and poor you, must be so hard trying to settle bladelet in while having a toddler being awkward and destructive to your best efforts. I know how hard poppet can be when she decides she's having a 'do the opposite' afternoon so I sympathise.   things settle down soon xx


----------



## newmum

Hey Lolly got chocolate digestives in fridge chilling couldn't get chocolate hob nobs    just hope DH and SS'S don't find them first  

Cleaning starts Sunday    

Any news your end? X


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

I am officially in maternity/adoption leave....woo hoo! Like so many if you, I never thought I would ever be able to say that. We meet our daughter on Thursday!!!!!
Sorry for frivolous me post but almost bursting with excitement x


----------



## newmum

Greeniebop amazing amazing news , what a feeling    huge congratulations, roll on Thursday. Enjoy your weekend x


----------



## thespouses

Fab news Greeniebop.

Well after a suggestion on *******, I emailed BAAF and they gave me some really good tips. The LA should not reject us out of hand, they definitely shouldn't quote BAAF on age limits as they don't have an upper age limit, and they should do an assessment of our abilities before deciding we are too old.

So we are going to spend the weekend writing a letter to them!

Incidentally I had a hospital appointment for a minor eye problem today and the doctor said "it's mainly in YOUNG adults". I felt like going NAH NAH NAH!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wohoooooo Greenie - amazing feeling, congratulations. Eeeek not long now xx

The spouses, great news, good luck with your letter   xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Yay fab news greenie so happy for you xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Wyxie - hang on in there honey...I know how difficult it can be with a LO being taxing    I am sure you are doing a great job! Just know you are not alone and keep fighting the good fight!   


Greenibop - Massive CONGRATULATIONS!! Wooohooo - you are a Mummy!! It's a terrific feeling. You Enjoy! Good luck Thurs!!!!! x


Us we're doing okay.LO showing his horns more and more and we need to be one step ahead of him. His favourite word is NO! lol. He is as cute as a button and it is very difficult to be angry with him for long.......but oh my me the 'terrible twos' right enough    Exhaustedbutvery happy.com.


Mummy Noodles xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Happy Saturday all  

 greenie, I am thrilled for you and can't wait to head your intro updates   

Wyxie, I hope having hubby home for the weekend eases the pressure a little. It sounds extremely challenging and I truly admire your strength and the love for your babies. Thinking of you  

NewMum, hope the biscuits are still in tact   anything chocolate based will be just fine   not much happening this end, just waiting for our meeting next month really. Very impatiently   oh, and am spending a small fortune, thank goodness for pay day next week!!  

Hope you get on great today Lizard  

Love to everyone!


----------



## gettina

Back from a lovely fortnight in france without any phone or wifi and despite work tomorrow I just had to stay up reading all your news! 
So so chuffed at all the progress. 
Major congratulations to my buddy Katie c, to greenie, frangi, lolly, pauliboo, lou and doofuz...and anyone with a milestone who I may inadvertently have missed. Such well deserved excitement on all your different steps closer to being parents.  
And good luck for your meeting nmtb.
We are just waiting for our par at the mo.

Sorry about your bad news spouses. All the best with the letter.

Thanks a million to all the parents keeping in touch -means so much to hear from you.
Gettina


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hope your meting goes brilliantly today newmum, will be thinking of you lots


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Glad to see you enjoyed your break gettina, much deserved. Hope your par arrives quickly! When is your panel date?


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi gettina! Lovely to read about your holz. Hope ur Par comes soon!!
Newmum2B good luck today!!!! 
Spouses..good luck with letter. 
Greenie...congrats!!!
Wyxie..thinking about you. I do hope u r ok!!!
Congratulations. .Pauliboo wonderful news!! How very exciting!!
Noodles..happy days!! Makes it all real!!
Sorry if missed anyone. 
Afm... still waiting to hear about date for meeting with Foster Mum and life appreciation day etc. But going to go away for a couple of nights and try and get some 'us' time. It will be first time I have left birds being looked after by someone else so a bit nervous. Pathetic really!!! 
Other than that just plodding along dreaming of being a mummy in September!!!!
Hope everyone is super!!! 
love to all xx


----------



## thespouses

Right letter written and signed, I was going to pop it in the post this morning but getting the toddler ready for nursery took precedence!

Gettina sounded like you had a good break, I'm a bit of an internet addict!

Noodles we are just getting to that stage, he can say no but tends to just go grumpy and throw things on the floor instead!


(Hmm... some of you very kindly messaged me after I posted my request from those in the NW, in another thread. So did some people on the AUK board. But my thread there has been removed I think, without anyone messaging me either! Bit odd!)


----------



## newmum

Hi all

Thanks Gettina, lolly, frangipani for your good luck messages

Good luck with your letter the spouses is it in the post yet? 

Gettina sounds like a lovely holiday and now back to adoption planet, hope you're not waiting to long for your PAR.

Can't believe this day is here     all of a sudden it all seems so real and nervousness and excitement have taken over  

Can only be myself so going to stick with that plan and see how we go

Better go now and finish cleaning  

Nm2b x


----------



## Doofuz

Good luck nm2b!

Lolly, keep spending, I know I am! Its hard though as our girl is 'petite' so not sure whether to get small or buy in bigger and borrow smaller for when she's home. What have you bought, what have you bought!?  Enjoy 

Hi gettina! Pleased to see you enjoyed your holiday. We all need time away, hope you managed some you time. 

Spouses, I hope your letter is doused with luck and you get the result you deserve from it.

Greenie, congratulations my lovely 

Wyxie, Thinking of you, hoping things are easier soon 

Congratulations Pauliboo, lovely lovely news! How very exciting, enjoy the celebrations 

Noodles, enjoy this time, and looking forward to seeing more!  

As for us, the date for panel and baby girl coming home has been put back and after a bit of a low from the news, we are a bit happier as realistically we can get quite a bit done and enjoy just being us two for a few weeks longer. She should be home by the end of September now as opposed to August. We have bought a new car, its fab and although obviously not as important as our girl, its the icing on an already iced cake as its beautiful and very comfortable for her to travel home in. My sister is throwing a tea party for me in a couple of weeks and friends and family are invited to catch up with me before we go into 'lock down' as we call it. A few games and laughs and hopefully nice weather, I can't wait  The theme is 'The Royal Baby', bunting, vintage, afternoon tea etc. We bought our buggy at the weekend too, its all go as the nursery is finished as well. I'm so excited I can't sleep 

Have an excellent day all, its time for tea


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oooh doofuz does that mean you are joining me and Frangi as intro buddies?!! Glad you are feeling ok about it all now. The party sounds great   we have a wardrobe and lots of cute clothes inside, stair gates, baby monitor, car seat, cot bed, changing mat, toys, sleeping bits like grow bag and blankets, a highchair and some bowls and spoons. Pay day this week thank goodness!!


----------



## Doofuz

Lolly, is that the summer intros thread? If so then yea, I'll be there if you'll have me  We haven't yet got loads of clothes yet. My mum has told me not to go mad spending as she has listened to me over the years and is sure she knows what I want now...so we'll see, I'm very much looking forward to it. Its pay day every week for me but still, in it comes, out it goes!! Have fun x


----------



## newmum

Lol lolly just a few bits then  

Well we had a call today with bad news   LO isn't for us, SW told us something about her appearance which wouldn't match us. Mmmm makes me think if only we had been allowed to see a photo we wouldn't of got to this stage and gone through these emotions.   poor LO hope she will be ok. Our meeting was postponed and now cancelled. 

SW has told us about another possible link (3rd time lucky  ) so we are now considering this LO

So all in all another rocky emotional day here on adoption planet

Nm2b x


----------



## Dreams do come true

So sorry nm2b! X


----------



## Doofuz

Nm2b, I'm so sorry to hear this. How awful to get this far and find this out now. You sound very positive, like you say, hopefully this is 3rd time lucky for you. I am hoping and thinking for you


----------



## newmum

Thanks DDCT 

Not sure I'm feeling  100% positive Doofuz just trying to remain up beat and not be too down about it. I have been crying but now got to be positive for LO who is out there somewhere. Thanks for our kind words

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh newmum I am so so sorry. It is so unfair and surely adds weight to future arguments to see a picture. Our social worker said to us before our meeting that if it all went wrong then this was simply not our little one. Very true but I imagine it still stings very badly. A new link is promising but I imagine you are trying to keep calm and protect yourself right now. Really hope this is your time now lovely. Again, sounds sorry


----------



## Frangipanii

So so so sorry newmum2b awful news. Lets hope this next one really is it!!! X x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Sorry to hear that NM2B - wishing you luck in finding the right LO for you soon   xx


----------



## Sq9

Sorry to hear that nm2b - your little one is making there way to you, just taking a bit longer than you'd hoped


----------



## newmum

Thank you everyone for being there, this forum is amazing for support and advice x


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi everyone
I've been reading with interest for weeks now, and I finally feel like we have moved up the ladder a little bit, the next step starts for us on Wednesday at 9:30am..........PREP!!!   

Excited and nervous, but mostly excited! DH told some of his closest friends today that he is going to be a daddy via adoption. They were all really happy and pleased, I was very proud of him. I think getting positive feedback from friends ad famiy makes it feel more real and confirms that we are doing the right thing. 

Sorry no personals, I'm hoping to catch up and use this thread more now we are really doing this!  

Best wishes to all xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi nm2b. So sorry to hear what you have been going through. I echo what has been said, your LO is just taking a little more time to find you. Take care and keep strong. xxx


----------



## thespouses

Sorry if this is a daft question but why does your LO's appearance have to match yours? That seems an odd criterion for matching?


----------



## peacelily

thespouses said:


> Sorry if this is a daft question but why does your LO's appearance have to match yours? That seems an odd criterion for matching?


Personal preference I guess?


----------



## Jules11

NM2B,  I can really understand the disappointment. We had a link fall through earlier in the year at a fairly late stage.  We were devastated.  If it hadn't been for DH determination I'd have walked away from planet adoption.  

We kept on jumping through hoops and after a few more wake ups we finally met our LO today.  I have to say I am so glad we kept on going.  If we had sailed through the adoption route we would never have met this LO,  she only received the PO recently.  I now believe she is meant to be our baby.  We just had to wait until we could find each other.  

We are exhausted but very happy tonight.  Keep going,  I'm sure your LO will find you.  

Jules xx


----------



## newmum

Aw Jules that's a lovely story and gives me hope. How great you met your LO today  

The spouses it doesn't if you looked at my Mum and Dad and family who adopted me you would notice a major difference in appearance. It didn't affect our attachment or love for each other.

Like peacelily says its personal preferences I guess?


Nm2b x


----------



## Lizard39

So sorry NM2B   i imagine that is very hard, but as the others have said your LO is out there just have to wait to find each other.

Another daft question from me too....personal preferences of who? The LO's SW? Seems strange to me too!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Sunflower - Welcome! All the best for Prep. That is you started on the A road ..... and let me tell you the final reward is Magical! Keep jumping through the hoops....You've come to the right place as this website is fabulous for support.    


Jules - Congrats Honey. Truly amazing isn't it? Enjoy every minute.    

NM2B - The next LO has got to be a match!   Good luck honey   

Lizard - in agreement with you..  I'm a bit confused also...

All well with us. LO's behaviour/boundaries improving and we feel we are getting the hang of parenting (wait until tomorrow!!) Every day is different but the last 2/3 have been great. he is really coming out of his shell and I can't take my eyes off him! Fascinating to see them marvelling at the world. He was telling the dog how much he loved him today!   Also he has sussed out that you DO need to listen to Dad!! DH was well chuffed that he is responding so well to him. Got to say though DH has been brilliant with him. It's all coming together Ladies. Both sides of the family ADORE him - beautiful to watch. 

'Mummy' Noodles xx


PS 'Mummy' still makes me smile. I love knowing I am finally one...it's GREAT!


----------



## Macgyver

Nm2b sorry to hear your link fell through.    I have been there and know how you feel. I have the same question as lizard, who's choice was it regarding appearance? Is lo so different from you? 
I am surprised they never showed you a pic.    Maybe next time this is something to ask for. I know all la work differently but we saw a DVD and pic before our link. And even before we saw lo CPR.


Again my thoughts are with you and remember your lo is out there just waiting for you.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

As I've said elsewhere NM2B I am so sorry and send loads of     because there is nothing else I can do   . 

Sunflower good luck for tomorrow we loved ours x x


----------



## newmum

The spouses, lizard, mummy noodles and macgyver and sorry if I've missed anyone off but to those who have been asking and maybe confused. I will try to answer your questions the best I can, obviously as you all know I have to be sensitive with some information so hope you understand and here goes.....

"does LO appearance have to match yours?" Not necessary personally mine doesn't too my parents (who adopted me) for our LO we have spent many many hours discussing this during the whole process from prep course to  HS and during personal matching conversations and we feel what ever is best for LO is what we will do. It is a very personal decision for us and for LO. I don't know your views may be different but it is personal to who's involved.  

"personal preference of who?" The LO SW? Who's choice was it? We never got to the nitty gritty of who's personal preference it was decided to postpone the meeting when this piece of news was told to us to let us absorb it as you can imagine it was a shock to all of us that this wasn't mentioned before and time was needed. Then SW suggested cancelling the meeting to which we agreed, our heads where very confused   we should never have been in this position

Is LO so different from us? Yes 

We have had apologies from SW and LO SW team and management because we should have never been considered as a potential match for this LO and if this information was noticed at an earlier stage before we would never of been considered and would never have known any difference. 

Hope I have answered your questions in an emotional difficult time for us. Remaining positive and hoping this hic up doesn't set us back and our LO is just round another corner. As you all know its such a huge thing we are all doing here and decisions are not made lightly. Thanks for all your support on here and thanks for listening

Sorry for the very ME post   just felt some of you lovely people needed some questions answered   


Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

NM2B


----------



## peacelily

Hugs Newmum2b. In my earlier post, I had meant your personal preference, ie. some adopters are happy to have a child who they could clearly not have given birth to (on first glance), whilst others prefer their families to look similar. We are of the latter group. DS is so similar to DH it's uncanny, and our DD certainly has similar colouring to me.

Peacelily xx


----------



## katie c

Mummy Noodles! said:


> PS 'Mummy' still makes me smile. I love knowing I am finally one...it's GREAT!


awwwwwww! 

NM2B - i said this on the other thread, but so sorry for your disappointment. we too have have links fall through but were luckier, in that it was before we saw the PAR. I so hope the mindset of it all happening for a reason and it'll be worth the wait is true for you. And for me. 

We got some pictures of our boy today and a lovely email from his FC saying she was so pleased we hadn't pulled out of the match, and she was looking forward to him meeting his forever mummy and daddy. My OH had tears in his eyes, the big softie. I can't wait until we're ratified, and even more until we meet him. He's just adorable and I am actually starting to get a little bit excited now!


----------



## MummyElf

NM2B I'm so sorry this happened. 

The first profile we saw was for a LO who could never have been ours biologically (it was an ethnicity issue) and we felt it wasn't right, however gorgeous LO was. We want our LO to tell whom she chooses she is adopted when she is older and will discuss all of this with her when she is ready to start school, not to have that choice taken from her by other people seeing me and DH and it being obvious. We live in a village of sorts and everyone would have known, we felt LO might end up resenting being adopted and also we felt that whilst people may think he was mine without question, once they met DH they would know he wasn't DH's and then you're in territory of 'were you married / in a relationship before'. Plus I think DH had to question how he would identify with a child so utterly, utterly different to him....if you saw the LO then my husband, the differences would almost be humorous. 

It was really tough seeing the profile and saying no, but I know there is a wonderful family out there for him, if he hasn't already found them and been placed, and I knew we would not be his perfect match. My biggest concerns were for him really and there's no other way of looking at it. 

I hope you find your match soon newmum.....I know you'll have some lovely news soon.

X


----------



## katie c

Just replying on the matched by looks thing. I dont think I remember our SW discussing this tbh. But I'm sure theyve considered it when matching.

Our LO doesnt look anything like us, but then he's only one years old and we haven't really met him yet. Other people might think he has a similar nose to me or similar eyes to my OH. Who knows? we'll have to wait and see. But he is fair like us, and i can see why SS would be reluctant to place a say, olive skinned black haired baby with two very pale fair haired parents. Like LE said, this could be rife for unnecessary questions from nosy parkers.

My friend has two adopted sons and she says she often gets 'oh doesn't he have your eyes/mouth' etc. I dont think this is because her sons especially physically resemble her, but I think children pick up your mannerisms/way of smiling or similar. Which makes others think they look like you whereas in reality they probably dont especially. But others want to make that match


----------



## MummyElf

As my sister often says 'people see what they want to see'. Her daughters are adopted and she is often told how much they resemble her. My LO isn't hugely like us - her nose is like mine and she is fair like us...that's about it really. But she'll end up speaking like us, copying our mannerisms and doing the daft things we do...much like my nieces do! Children naturally imitate those around them the most. It's pretty cool really


----------



## thespouses

We obviously had no way to know what our little boy looked like before matching as we said yes in principle before he was born! And we'd seen a picture of birth mum but yet to see anything from birth dad.
By chance he has similar colouring to me but honestly, these days, we reckoned any child who could have one white parent (we are both white) would not be assumed to be adopted, just a step child of one of us.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Well done for the post newmum considering it must be a very emotional time   I think people are curious but don't feel you have to explain hunny, if it was not the right match then the right thing has been done for little one and yourselves. It must be very hard though  

Love to you all


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone and thanks for your support 

Katie c, how exciting for you and FC sounds brilliant. Hope you don't have too much longer to wait until you meet LO

SW spoke to us about a possible link today so feeling much happier and positive today, here we go again back on the roller coaster on adoption planet   

Nm2b x


----------



## Doofuz

Nm2b, I am so glad you're feeling positive, this link could be the one. Lots of luck.

Today we are coming to meet the foster carer, I am so excited as we finally find out what likes and dislikes our LO has. Family and friends have been asking what we need, although we don't expect presents, we would like them to know what size she is etc as I know they want to get stuff for us. Its a nice drive down to where we are going and H and I always enjoy a nice little chat (where we are going happens to be a family holiday haunt and H and I have spent the last 12 years going too so this is just meant to be) 

Have a good day everyone, rain comes in


----------



## newmum

Fab news doofuz have a great day and look forward to any updates x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck doofuz and all the best nm2b, fingers crossed for this link. 
We are off to meet our LO for the first time today!!!! So excited, nervous, terrified, every emotion under the sun.

Have a good day x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Have an amazing day Greenie love the name x x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Good luck doofuz and all the best nm2b, fingers crossed for this link.  

Looking fwd to hearing all about it Greenie!!


Mummy Noodles xx


----------



## Macgyver

Greeniepop - have a great day meeting your lo   


Doofuz - good luck today, I bet you have a long list of questions   


Nm2b - good news about the link, I look forward to hearing you get your match   


AFM - we are meeting lo sw next week so going round the house like a mad woman cleaning everything in site.
I went out yesterday and got lo car seat, bath mat, high chair.  Couldn't resist and brought lo some building blocks too.
Trying not to buy to much as I am not sure what lo will be coming with and don't want to go overboard.


I called hr yesterday as my adoption pack says need to advised when matched but nothing about linked.  Lady at hr was lovely and said dont need to say anything until mp, but if I want to say anything sooner then that's upto me.  I have been very open with work about the adoption and they know, but sometimes get scared incase something happens with the link.
Going to wait until after FC have been as at the moment still not got a mp date and hoping our sw will tell us on this day.


Hope you all have a great day.


Luv Mac x


----------



## gettina

Feeling exciting and apprehensive and all sorts for you Greenie. Look forward to hearing how today goes.
gettina


----------



## newmum

How exciting greenie hope you've had a fab day

Macgyver how's the cleaning? It's good when work are understanding helps you alot, good to hear

Nm2b x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Got allocated our SW for HS yesterday. They were meant to be coming Monday but it has been put forward to tomorrow afternoon found out at lunchtime. Let the cleaning commence


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Eeek, such exciting times!!  

Greenie I hope you have had the most magical day with your baby girl  

Doofuz I hope you have had a really good day and have a good insight into little one. I can't wait for our meeting!!  

Gwyneth I expect your house to be sparkling by now   and no little doggy footprints allowed, get some socks on him!!  

Can't keep up with all the great news at the moment, keep it coming ladies and gents! 

Well official confirmation of little ones life appreciation type day today, only 19 more sleeps! I just cannot wait!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Gwyneth, you need to update your signature!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Today was amazing. She is even more gorgeous in the flesh. We spent 2 hours Playing and cuddling. She was asleep when we arrived so we snuck in cuddles and she woke up in DHs arms. Seeing him with her was the most special feeling, I thought that my heart might burst with happiness. We can't wait to see her in the morning. FC is lovely.

So many people said it when we were waiting but it's so true, hang in there because your amazing LO is out there just waiting to find you.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Greeniebop is a mummy said:


> Today was amazing. She is even more gorgeous in the flesh. We spent 2 hours Playing and cuddling. She was asleep when we arrived so we snuck in cuddles and she woke up in DHs arms. *Seeing him with her was the most special feeling, I thought that my heart might burst with happiness.* We can't wait to see her in the morning. FC is lovely.
> 
> So many people said it when we were waiting but it's so true, hang in there because your amazing LO is out there just waiting to find you.


That's so lovely, I can't wait to be in that situation


----------



## newmum

Greeniebop is a mummy said:


> Today was amazing. She is even more gorgeous in the flesh. We spent 2 hours Playing and cuddling. She was asleep when we arrived so we snuck in cuddles and she woke up in DHs arms. Seeing him with her was the most special feeling, I thought that my heart might burst with happiness. We can't wait to see her in the morning. FC is lovely.
> 
> So many people said it when we were waiting but it's so true, hang in there because your amazing LO is out there just waiting to find you.


How lovely greeniebop, sounds perfect x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lovely lovely post greenie, congratulations mummy, roll on tomorrow


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwwwww greenie I'm so happy for you. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Greeniebop, lovely post, so pleased you've eventually met your LO   xx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Greenie, so pleased you have finally met you lo. Happy days. 
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations greenie - sounds amazing


----------



## Macgyver

Congratulations greenie, can't wait to hear about tomorrow


----------



## crazyspaniel

How lovely Greenie, really pleased for you xx


----------



## Lizard39

Really happy for you Greenie   look forward to hearing how tomorrow goes


----------



## gettina

Thrilled mr and mrs greenie bop  
It's nearly tomorrow! 
Gettina
X


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Greenie fabulous news!!!!! Congratulations = a family at last!


Mummy Noodles


----------



## thespouses

OK so sorry to write and run but I had an information pack from another council so I rang them back, plus a call back from a 2nd other council (these are all LAs in our area, there are a lot more we could try too - we are in the Adoption 22 area which as it's a huge area doesn't give much away!).

Both of them said that they'd be happy to take us on to approve us for adoption of an under-1 (straight adoption, not concurrency).  Neither of them asked our ages. I'm not sure if they are thinking that it just isn't possible that someone so ancient as us could even be contemplating adopting another baby, or if they are thinking that actually, as we have an 18 month old and we were young enough to adopt him, we can't be more than 18 months older now so we won't be radically different people (except that we have parenting experience, know a lot more about adoption and birth families, and are healthier as we've both lost weight lugging him up and down stairs!)


----------



## Doofuz

Fab news Greenie, you sound so loved up  Love it. Enjoy today. 

Lolly, not long and your meeting will be here! 

Gwyneth, so glad to hear you have been allocated your SW, full steam ahead now 

Lizard, how's it going with you? 

Nm2b, any more news on link? 

Thespouses, excellent news, you have some hope! Good luck x

The meeting with FC was amazing yesterday, I almost cried when she handed me a photo album of our baby with pictures from 5 days old until now, and a calender with all of the things she has been doing including her first trip to IKEA  So in love, even more now. She comes with so much stuff! Chair, toys, clothes and we were offered her cot and expensive pushchair!

Amazing day yesterday, and now back to reality until the end of August. Hope everyone is having a great day  x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

The Spouses - We have very recently adopted a 2 year old boy. ...however DH and I hope to adopt again and we were wandering about a baby at 40 and 42.  What age are you? (if you dont mind me asking) The fact that you have got many councils has got to be a good thing!  


Doofuz - I hope your wait goes in quick! I can remember being at that stage and I was SOO impatient!   I knew it was coming ... just not quick enough. We were matched at the end of February and got our LO home end of June. Hope the time flies for you   


Us... we're knackered! every day is busy, busy, busy! I dont think Ive ever done so much socialising and worrying! Hey ho ...I'm sure things will settle down in time. 


Hope everyone else getting there! Noodles xx


----------



## newmum

The spouses, sounds good news to me a lot more options for you

Doofuz your meeting with FC sounds amazing and very reassuring to read. We are waiting for a meeting with LO SW and famy finder, hopefully next week  

Mummy noodles you sound good and busy  


Hi all

Nm2b x


----------



## katie c

Awwwwwww, Greenie!   Your first meeting sounds amazing. I just cannot wait for ours!

TS - sounds promising, fingers crossed for you!

Doofuz - glad your meeting went well. We've been offered our child's buggy and car seat, she didn't mention the cot, but I imagine the FC will need that for other children. 

As for us...I went Ikea shopping today!   I didn't really want to, didn't want to tempt fate yada yada. But we need a picture of his room for his Tomy picture album.

So i bought a cot with two green drawers that go underneath, 2 small Stuva drawer units in white and green, and an expidit shelf unit, with some multicoloured cotton boxes (white, blue, red and yellow) to slot on the bottom shelf, plus a green rug. I haven't bought any toys really as we've been told he has loads, so I just bought some stacking cups (they were only £1.50!) and a toy owl glove puppet. Although the owl is more for OH, he loves owls.   Our nursey walls are yellow.

My car is groaning with flat packs...i had to drop the receipt off at OH's work for him to go and get the cot, as i can't even move the shelf unit out to go back and get it, its so heavy!


----------



## thespouses

Noodles, we have a few years on you, especially hubby.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Katie - I loooooooove Ikea, I could spend all day there   We have the owl glove puppet as well as the fox and rabbit, they are favourites of all of us, haha. Kids adore puppets xx


----------



## katie c

Poppets Mammy said:


> Katie - I loooooooove Ikea, I could spend all day there  We have the owl glove puppet as well as the fox and rabbit, they are favourites of all of us, haha. Kids adore puppets xx


there's a fox and a bunny?


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been here for a while, things have been a little manic for various reasons   !
I've really lost track a bit but I've had a quick read back and there is so much lovely news recently!  
Congratulations to all of you celebrating exciting milestones/approvals/matches etc   

I just wanted to share our happy news with all you lovely ladies (and gents  ) that we have now been approved for our 2nd child  , so now the madness begins once again!   

Have a good weekend everyone,

Anj x


----------



## thespouses

Congrats! Hopefully we'll be there some time next year!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

Just a quick post as we are absolutely shattered. Day 2 has been amazing. We arrived to smiles and LO reached out from FC arms for her Daddy. We have been so lucky with our FC as she is so fantastic. She basically left us to it all day just popping in to check on us and to show us bottles, feeding, bedroom etc and then sat and talked us through things when LO was asleep.
We spent the morning playing and I have resigned myself to her being a complete and utter Daddy's Girl....As far as she is concerned he is amazing I gave her a bottle and Daddy changed her nappy and I carried her up to bed. Daddy then brought her down, more playing, we fed her lunch and then FC said there was no need for her to accompany us so we took her out for an hour or so for a walk in her shiny new pushchair. We did a nappy change in a cafe....I was sweating by the end of it as she's not keen on it we had a drink and felt like a proper little family. Back to FC for more playing, Daddy did the bottle and put her to sleep. I can honestly say we have never been happier and we feel 'complete'.

Sorry for the me post but just had to share. We have 2 full days with her now and then all the prep to hopefully bring her home on Thursday. xxx


----------



## thespouses

Aww that's so lovely! I remember those early days of nappies!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

You are all amazing and I'm thrilled at all the good news!  Sorry for short response, wanted you to know I was still thinking of you all and checking in!  Just no time for lots of posting evenings, all we want to do it catch up on Supernatural and Big Bang Theory and then go to bed!


----------



## Frangipanii

Auntie Kate!!!! Sounds like life is amazing!!!! 
Greenie.....omg tears in my eyes!!! 
Congratulations Anj....fabulous news!!! So happy for you!!!what do you want pink or blue Xx 
Katie....shopping+ikea...amazings!!!! We did ours a few weeks ago!!!! It was super. 
Doofuz...wow what a great meeting. That sounds brilliant. Not sure we are going to be that lucky with fc. Sounds like issues already!! Ho hum!!
So pleased for you. How long was it?!?! 
Afu...now have fc meeting date in a few weeks and life appreciation day booked!!! So exciting!!! Edinburgh was amazing sad to be back!
Love to you all!! Especially any lurkers!!! This journey is awesome!!! Xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Hello wonderful news on here.  Lo has been home 7 months and a bit late but our adoption application is finally going to court( lo's  sw  was too busy to do it earlier). We are  not without our problems,  mostly just usual toddler stuff , but lo is so lovely and I am so proud of him. It must be so hard to be taken at almost 2 from what were to you your mum and dad to live with strangers. We  have been looking at his life story books this week (pictures of FC's and first 2 years). He wasn't that interested , called FC's. Mummy  and daddy, which doesn't bother me but makes it difficult to talk about them. He was more interested in the photobook we made for panel. He is so happy, always laughing and smiling. Honestly, we are friends with all the dog walkers in the local walk and all the staff in local shops.

For all of you at earlier stages I just wanted  to say I couldn't love lo more if he were biologically mine and how he is worth all the waiting. I love reading about your journeys.


----------



## Frangipanii

Powerful snapdragon!! Wow seven months thats gone quick!!!! Lovely to hear off you, peoples post about their children are the carrots we need dangling in front of us to keep us focused and on track!!!
Love to u x x


----------



## monkeymooo

Snapdragon, that's lovely to hear - great news your app is going to court , will soon be all official! I can't wait til we're at that point, but suppose I must !  

Frangipani - how exciting, I've always loved getting these dates in the diary, you can count down now!

Anj- great news, do you have a narrow age range with it being your 2nd? We're wondering if we'll have a longer wait for no.2 for this reason (getting slightly ahead of ourselves considering LO home for 2 weeks  

Ak - Big Bang theory is all we can manage to watch at the mo - and used to love our telly! ! Love it, not too taxing, and can just about manage 30 mins of escapism without getting distracted with looking at our photos and vids of our day with  LO! Saddos!

Greenie, great, sounds adorable!

Things are great here - LO is just amazing, everyday he makes me smile - after nap time and in the mornings are my best time - he gives a big cheeky grin and reaches up for cuddles. The stuff dreams are made of! We have started to introduce family and he is such a happy confident boy he takes it all in his stride. He has started asking for granny and grandad rather than FCs.....but we are meeting up with FCs on Tues so this may change...I think it is a good thing to do, but we're ready for any upset this may cause   will be strange for all.

We went to a farm this morning and tried out his new dinosaur rucksack that doubles us as reins - great invention, worked a treat!  There were tiny piglets there, soooo cute!


----------



## Anjelissa

monkeymooo....hi, our approval age second time is 0-2 (our little man is almost 4 years old now so there will be at least a 2 year age gap).
They generally like there to be at least a 2 year age gap between your children, and some are even more strict wanting a 3 year age gap or your first child to be school age, it all depends on the LA or agency.
I must admit we did have to try a few LA's as it does seem to be harder to be taken on when you've adopted already, we couldn't go with our original LA again as they were only recruiting adopters who could take sibling groups of 3 or more at that point  .
As for the wait to be matched for your 2nd child I can't answer that one yet as we're only just approved.

AuntieKatie.....I'm another Supernatural fan, Jensen Ackles sure is easy on the eye hey!  

Hope everyone's having a good weekend  

Anj x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Anjelissa said:


> AuntieKatie.....I'm another Supernatural fan, Jensen Ackles sure is easy on the eye hey!
> 
> Anj x


I'd not kick either of them out of bed that's for sure! lol! Pure escapism, just what is needed atm!


----------



## Frangipanii

Anj...interesting to read about 2nd time adopting. Obviously too early to say but we would probably go for more at somepoint if we cope and handle two. I completely realise that this may not happen lol!! Dont judge me for saying this before having any!!! 
Monkeymoo.. super to read about your happy family! !! Hope it goes ok with fc's. 
Can anyone give me a breakdown of what happened with their intros. I have been told we will be having them over two weeks, some time down south where they live and sometime here where they will stay in hotel. I am quite confused by it all. Obviously in a excited and happy way and still pinching myself that my urchins are coming home!!!
I realise urchins isnt a very cute term but as scuba divers this is cute!!!! Weirdo I know. 
Only seventeen sleeps till meeting fc's. 
Love to all x x


----------



## Macgyver

Greenie sounds amazing cant wait to be in the same boat    it will be soon you get you lo home in your arms and then you can start to feel like a complete family.


Snapdragon congratulations about your lo adoption   


It's so nice to hear everyone's journey


Afm - never seen my house so tidy    even painted a wall or two that looked grubby from shoe skuffs (yes    lady)  went to kiddiecare and got lo a car seat and then popped into ikea, worst thing to do, £100.00 later I left with an arm full of wooden toys and baby bits   .  Only a few more days till we meet lo fcs then hoping our sw has a date for mp. 


Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Frangi, another snap moment, we also have 17 sleeps until after meeting fc


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Katie - Yes there is but they are soft toys rather than puppets. Another supernatural fan here - and oh yes yes yes 😍 hahaha xx


----------



## Anjelissa

lol......me thinks I have competition for Mr.Ackles/aka Dean!
Get in line girlies!!   

Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Anjelissa. Hope the 2nd time wait not too long.  We have head that our DS's little brother has now been placed with adopters (so that rules us out) but his adopters would like the boys to have contact (which is fab).  When our agency rung with this news I asked them about a 2nd child and they said if we were to contact them after Christmas we could begin reassessment - DS will be home 2 years in April.  Something to work towards!


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all  

Sorry I haven't been about much been examining for a board so had my hands tied up with that! Just starting to fill out our application form - it all feels so real now especially now we have a letter confirming prep course. Poppets Mammy I agree it all seems to be last min with notification of courses etc haha  

I am pleased to come on here and see all the positive news   really brighten an otherwise rainy day in the West Mids!

Great news Anj. Fran it all sounds promising>Macgyver and Katie C sounds like you are having a swell time preparing to bring LOs home. Snapdraqon good luck with court but am sure it will just be a breeze now  Greenie sounds as if you are loving every min! Hi to Noodles, DDCT and Auntie Katie - hope it all going great with LOs now you have them home! NM2B fx for good news soon   Doofuz all sounds well and good 

Hi to anyone else sorry if its not been a 'personal' hallo, tis not intentional just been so much to read and my memory is shot after a number of things lol. 

AFU sending off this huge hunk of an application form this week as we are off to France at the end of the week for hopefully our last holiday as a family of three  I can dream lol. This first stage has seemed to take ages but I am told by SS now the new system is in we won't know what has hit us from now on!! Bring it on!

Talking of hunks I agree as a fellow supernatural fan Jensen is the bomb! MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm...dreamboat!

Lots of love and hugs]

Brum xxx


----------



## Macgyver

Oh boy, now the nerves have started, just had a call from our sw to say our meeting with FC has been moved forward to first thing in the morning. I was fine until she called, all set for late morning now it's first thing.   


She said she had spoken with lo FC and she is lovely and she (sw) would be dropping some paperwork off later for us to look at. Why am I so nervous


----------



## Doofuz

Brummiemill, glad to see you, it's been a while! So pleased to hear you have your application form and things will be moving fast for you, a family member has just started in the new system, he panels in November so it's very quick indeed. Lots of luck 

Anjelissa, congrats on your second! How lovely is that, a sibling for your LO is great news for all. 

Everyone else, I hope you are having a good day, I can't go back to read everyone properly on my phone but hopefully catch up properly tonight after work. 

I counted days until panel today, 30 days and 24 working days until I finish work. I've decided I'm living day to day from now on, the goal is to get through the day and if I have made it, we are one day closer to Baby Girl coming home and having cuddles. Story DVD last night, taken on my big camera. Very funny evening and we sound very silly but should be lots of laughs in the future  Problem is, I can't get it off the camera so as to put on cd and give to FC. Up all night last night, sleeping sitting up trying to work it out. These sleepless nights will no doubt count towards the ones we will get from BG  

Off to work, have a good evening people  

Ooh! New post - macgyver, meeting the FC was the highlight of my week last week, no need to be nervous! Get questions written down and make sure you ask everything, no question too small. If you feel cheeky, ask for a photo  and don't forget the little things like giving FC a bed sheet, teddy and story CDs/DVDs before or on panel  Woo!


----------



## Flash123

Hiya everyone, am so sorry I haven't been on much lately. I promise I have been reading and sharing your triumphs and disappointments. So many wonderful things happening on here at the moment I am utterly thrilled and I hope those of you waiting to be linked with your lo that your dreams will come true very, very soon.

Afu - lo came home 7 weeks ago yesterday and I can honestly say its has been the most wonderful, exhausting and most fulfilling 7 weeks of my life. He is an absolute gem. He is so funny, bright, nosey, curious and most mischievous 10 month old I have ever met. He doesn't stop!!! He's like a wurling dervish around the place. We have had a rather traumatic time with him recently.  A few weeks ago he fractured his leg in 2 places getting it twisted through the bars of his cot. It was awful. We had a week in hospital with him. Thankfully they let me stay in with him. we had our own bed and as traumatic as it was, I will treasure the memories of him sleeping every night on my chest. While plastered he managed to get 4 full length casts off. The first night we were out of hospital he woke me up 6 o clock in the morning laughing from his belly and 'tapping' me on the head with cast no 2, which he had in his hand!!! Thankfully things have settled down a bit now and fingers crossed there'll be no more trips to a&e for a while!! 

Lo has settled so well and is so affectionate. Seeing his smile when he wakes up and the way he throws his arms around your neck and gives you the wettest, open mouth kiss is just heart flipping and makes every tear you have shed, every form you have filled, every minute you have drempt of this so very worth while. Keep dreaming coz they do come true. Xx


----------



## newmum

Lovely post Flash what a gorgeous little baby boy. Sorry to hear about your hospital trip and Im glad all is ok now.

Macgyver oooon exciting and nervous times, try to relax and be yourself. Good luck

Doofuz good advice you've given yourself take each day as it comes. Your DVD making sounds hilarious

Hi everyone else on my mobile so short message

Nm2b x


----------



## peacelily

Doofuz - we had the same problem last week, getting our dvd ready for post-Panel. DH had to download some free software, if that helps...I can find out what it was?


----------



## katie c

Whooooooohoooooo! email from SW, we've been ratified!   

We are opening the champers tonight then!


----------



## gettina

OMG Katie C Enjoy that champers -woohoo.        
Definitely a dancing banana moment!!!


Gettina
Xxx


----------



## newmum

Congratulations enjoy the champagne and celebrate x x


----------



## Lizard39

Woohoooo....congratulations Katie C. Enjoy the Champagne


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic KatieC . Flash I am so glad that they let you stay with your little boy and that he is now on the mend how upsetting. 

Well 2nd HS tomorrow. x x


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations Katie.  
Lovely post flash - sounds like he's settling in so well, despite his broken leg.  Must have been awful for you.
Good luck with your second session tomorrow gwyneth.
Hope everyone else is doing ok.  
Afu! we've just finished homestudy.  SW has to go and visit referees and then finish our par and if she can get that done in the next few weeks we should be able to go to September panel.  Hope she can write quickly!! 2 others from our group are booked in from sept so really hoping we can go then too. 
Take care xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations Katie!!!
And sq9 brilliant news congratulations!!!! You have reached the next stage!!!! ♥
Flash lovely post but obviously not the hospital bit. Lovely family! 
Doofuz....I like ur style!!!! It is so exciting isnt it. 
Brummie to congrats on next stage. 
Macgyver...will be thinking of you!!! Exciting stuff!!!I am nervous about that date in my diary!!! Cant wait to hear how meeting goes!!!! 
Afm paperwork arrived today for panel. Certainly makes interesting reading!!! And makes it all real. 
X


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, 

Lots of fantastic news on here, congratulations to you all.

Just a quick post as desperate for some sleep intros are going really well. LO has bonded with us and us with her. Had some lovely days with her and we can't wait to bring her home on Thursday. We have child appreciation day and review meeting tomorrow, meeting with birth parents wed and then home as a family on Thursday. Despite what everyone tells you, nothing can prepare you for how tiring intros are but we are beyond happy and in love with our daughter.

Lots of love and good luck with the upcoming meetings x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow.... as ever loads of great news!

Katie C    Brilliant news, really hope you enjoyed your fizz last night!!  Much deserved, you are a mummy!  

Greenie, what a lovely post, so so glad it is going so well.  You have a busy few days (and then a busy few years  ) ahead, but sound as if you are enjoying every second.  thanks for sharing  

Flash, great to hear LO has settled so well.  So sorry to hear about the drama and his poor little leg.  How awful for you all.  Although I'm glad you have managed to take some precious memories away from your time together.

Anjelissa, Yaaaaay!!!    Big congratulations for being approved for number two, that is so exciting!  Fingers crossed your LO finds you soon  

Gwyneth, good luck for HS number 2 today (not that you need it of course!)  Enjoy!  

SQ, congratulations on finishing home study!!!  

Newmum, hope you are feeling brighter lovely.  Any news about potential link?  Have been thinkin of you  

Doofuz, not long, eeeeeek!  One day at a time, and like you say, we are all making small steps closer to our LOs  

Liveinhope, glad to read that you will be establishing some contact with your little ones brother.  And not long until you may have a new addition at all really, that sounds very positive  

Macgyver, really hope it goes well today, it will I have no doubts!  Doofuz sounds to have had a wonderful day learning all about her baby and you will too!  Look forward to reading all about it  

Frangi, really hope you are hanging in there OK    

Emma, hope you are your little man are doing well    i know you will be!!  

Yay Brummie, you are underway!!    And a holiday coming up too, lucky ducky!!  Enjoy, you'll be at butlins before you know it!!!!!  

Hope all the mummies are doing good, and their little ones are enjoying splashing in all the muddy puddles!!  

Have I missed anyone?!!!  

We are two weeks away from meeting FC, medical adviser, SWs for LO and siblings and having our pre-panel meeting (not sure what that entails exactly  )  It is going slooooowly!!  I think it's because we are on massive countdown.... meeting 13th, holiday 24th, best friends wedding 30th, panel and intros September....    I know you shouldn't wish time away but still....


----------



## Macgyver

Katie great news   


Greenie so glad to hear things are going well   


Doofuz not long now, hold in their girl   


Afu our lo FC is absulotly lovely, she told us everything about him, also brought a DVD and lots of photos.
Omg it was amazing.  Been told lo should be home by the end of sept.  FC and us exchanged numbers and promised to call one a week to get updates.  Now the work begins on our DVD and tomy book. Our sw had a look and said it needed more pics of us as he was only little so I will have to take some. (I don't like my pic taken)


Now I can't stop looking at his pics.  Omg he is so beautiful. I am so happy I nearly cried when she played his DVD.


I wish you all a good day xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Wow Macgyver!!! That is so lovely!!! So very pleased for you! What date is your panel!! X x x x


----------



## gettina

loving reading happy posts!
I have something to celebrate every time I come on.
Wonderful to hear how the meeting went Mcgyver and that the intros are making you so happy Greenie.
Heart warming update Flash - though what a shame about his accident - traumatic for all.
Nice one Sq9 - hope you hit the Sept panel date. We have panel at the end of Aug so (hopefully) we might be waiting for our children together.
Belated congratulations Angelissa – hope you have news in the not too distant future
And there's much more progress ticking along, Lolly, Frangipani, Doofuz, Gwyneth, Doofuz, Brummie and all the rest of you I’ve missed this time - woohoo!
Hope you are ok liveinhope - guess that news would have been expected and lovely for the littleun but sad for you. Glad you have a plan for growing your family nonetheless.
Monkeymoo, hope your little one is ok after the FC meeting today
And good luck to those waiting for news – you’re not forgotten.

We are signing our par with our sw on Thurs and then it will just be a case of waiting and prepping for panel late aug. We’ve had a hiccup along the way and though it’s nothing we consider at all relevant, having a wrinkle in the journey does make panel more worrisome than otherwise. 

We met up with others from our prep group at the w/e, several of whom already have a child or are fostering to adopt so it was a proper family picnic – lovely – anyway it seemed like most couples felt they’d had or were in the midst of having hiccups too so while concerning that so many of us were stressed by the process, at least it made DH and I feel that something or other not going quite right is perhaps normal.

Gettina 
x


----------



## Anjelissa

Thank you all for your congratulations and kind words    

I'm getting even less of a chance to catch up on here atm seeing as it's the summer hols and we're out and about a lot (weather permitting!) so I'm sorry for lack of personals of late. Once again though congratulations to all those sharing lovely news recently  

Anj x


----------



## Macgyver

frangipanii said:


> Wow Macgyver!!! That is so lovely!!! So very pleased for you! What date is your panel!! X x x x


Hi fragipanii and everyone else, our panel is set for 10th sept. have you got your date yet?

Have stuck one of lo large pics up beside our bed so we can see him first thing when we wake up and just before we go to bed. It's starting to sink in now that I am going to be a mummy. Sw asked us to buy a blanket and for us to sleep with it so lo will get use to our smell. So I have been out this afternoon and brought one from mothercare. Had to keep myself rained in not to buy him more clothes. Lol.

Now got to tell work that I will be taking my leave in about 6 weeks  I still have my 5 weeks holiday too so that's going to be fun.

Thanks for everyone's support. I couldn't stay saine without you all xx


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Really positive on here at the moment I'm loosing track  

Just popping by to say we have possible link SW and family finder and our SW coming on Thursday. LO SW is bringing photos   can't wait to hear more about LO and hope they like us  

Lolly going to stop off on my way home from work and replenish the chocolate biscuits   


Mcgyver how sweet putting LO photo up by your bedside, he will be climbing all over your bed for real soon  . Will you take your 5 weeks before adoption leave? Good luck with telling work bet it will feel so real! I can't wait till I tell work!

So many matching panels and introductions coming up, I will look forward to reading them   also I love reading those that are Mummy's and Daddy's now stories its lovely.


Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Very best wishes for Thursday Newmum, bring on those biccies, this is your time    

Brilliant news Macgyver, sounds a brilliant day, and how lovely you get to see LO first thing when you wake up and last thing when you go to sleep  

Oooh brilliant Gettina, nearly there now!  Glad the hiccup is sorted and you are not in isolation.  It shows how strong you are to tackle it, sort it and move on in such a positive way  

So today I have bought a box of wipes, bath toys, a teething ring and 10 books.  Very productive me thinks!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Quick quick message as I am shattered!! 
Macgyver our panel is 5th september but not met fc or had life appreciation day yet. Paper work came through though and sw is visiting next week to go over it all. Love your idea of the photo may have to copy!!! ♥

Nm2b...I am thrilled for you absolutely.  It is brilliant!! Will totally be thinking of you!!!♡

Glad to see all is going great Gettina!!! Panel soon!!! Must be so nice to know u are at the end of thiz stage and beginning of another!!♥

Lolly...shopping til you dropping my dear!!! Good to hear!!! ♡

hi to everyone else, it seems a busy time for lots of. Hope people who are in a lull period are ok. And to all those lurkers not yet made the step to adoption yet. It is WONDERFUL! obviously to fully appreciate the journey I should have had the children home a little while so ask me again in spring but up it is still wonderful!! lol. 
Afm two nurseries decorated from top to bottom in two days!! Ok not quite but they need a couple of hours tomorrow and then furniture!!! My body is aching!! 
Quick question for any experienced adoption ladies. .. with regards to contact...there are other members of the family down for contact, what IF big if we dont think that that is feasible for very good reasons. Any advice gratefully received.  Not saying I do feel likd that but just trying to work out how I feel! 
Night all x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow lots happening - I'm lost and can't keep up  

Fran - just very quickly. You don't have to do anything you don't feel is right for LO's. it's unlikely contact will be arranged in first few months of placement and once you've got the adoption order through then you have full parental responsibility and simply don't have to do anything you don't want to. However it's the kids you have to justify your decision to when they are older and asking questions, so make the right decision for them and not yourselves or the people proposed to have contact (I know I didn't need to say that as you will do, but it just summed my response up  )

Xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Contact is something I think you can see benefits for when kids are older and especially when you feel their parents - especially sibling contact. However I do think you need to consider it in the children's interests rather than your own. What's the SWs justification for Including contact. Is there a contact order (which is tied into the AO and this you cannot ignore contact if this is written in). There have been some cases (extreme) where a contact order was written in to the conditions by SWs as A/Ps were very anti contact. A word to the wise, I would question gently with SWs and state your views and see how this goes. I also think its important to have an avenue to reopen contact later if LO needs/wants it or in their interests.

We have open contact with siblings but it will cease if it ever puts LO in uncomfortable situation as we don't know how it will be in a few years time. This is all between the parents rather than any legal tie.

X


----------



## thespouses

With contact you have to decide is it practical (honestly, almost anything is practical if it's in your child's best interests) and is it in your child's best interests?

I firmly believe that children benefit from seeing safe birth relatives reasonably frequently (i.e. not once when they are 5 and then trying to find them on their own when they are 13 because they think they are being hidden from them).  I believe this is the case even (or possibly especially) when they have never lived together.  It's not about maintaining an existing relationship, because some of those relationships can be damaging - but it is about a child knowing enough about the family they came from to be able to answer questions, and in some cases know more about why they were adopted.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi just a quick thanks for points on contact. I struggle with contact possibly  because I am adopted and possibly because I know personally of some awful situations of where people have gone with contact  because it was in 'the best interests of the child' and it went horribly. I totally see that its what is right for them not us which is why I am being cautious but as you say poppets mammy maybe it is something to  broach later on. I think knowledge about dna and history is massively important but I also think it cN be very dangerous. Learning  curve for me which I am happy to do within the remitt of the children being the complete priority!! 
Thanks for advice. Interesting topic x x x z


----------



## Lizard39

Hello all - can I please ask for some advice from those who have completed HS. We have nearly finished our Chronology of addresses from birth but both hubby and I have struggled! We both lived in about 3-4 houses from birth to about 12 years old and neither of our parents can really remember when we moved from one to the other! Do we come clean with SW and tell her this? What till the implications be? Also, using google map, hubby has managed to remember the street name of the 4 houses/flats he lived in at uni but cannot remember the number and google map does show it - one is hidden behind a huge van, one has a tree in front of it, one google maps street view doesn't go down and one now doesn't have a front door where it used to be! Can we just put 'duke street' and ignore the number? Again, what is the implications? 

Thanks for you help!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

We did very educated guess work.  We asked parents questions like was I at school who was teaching me was is summer or winter did we have Christmas there etc. Through all that we got fairly confident and put dates that at worst are a few months out. If that doesn't help I'd be honest they can't hold it against you rationally x x


----------



## gettina

Lizard, for the couple of ours, that after doing everything you've done, we could only get to road names we left it at that and never got questioned. Was fine. The whole addresses from birth thing is a total ball ache isn't it!
Good luck - hope you have a relatively relaxed social worker.


----------



## thespouses

I lived overseas twice as a child and could only get as far as city and country.  It wasn't an issue (though living overseas later meant I had to try and get extra police checks, but "best efforts" were what they needed as 2 of the places were not exactly forthcoming!)


----------



## newmum

Lizard I've lived and worked in various places and overseas as a student. Couldn't remember all address details, just be honest with the information

My abroad check took the longest but like the spouses says "best efforts" was what was practised, though in the end the checks did come back.

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Is it your appointment today Newmum? If so very very best of luck


----------



## newmum

Yes indeedy lolly    sat here at the moment going over things in my head   whilst chocolate biscuits are chilling in the fridge   fighting my nerves   and excitement to hear more about LO


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oooh, it's so exciting (but equally nerve wracking before hand) But enjoy it and I will be back on later to check out how you got on, big smiles   and fingers crossed today you'll be hearing about YOUR baby


----------



## Cupcakekisses

Just wanted to wish a quick Good Luck to NewMum2B...thinking of you and those chilled out biscuits!  I hope it goes really smoothly xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Good luck NM2B  , very exciting times!  
Anj x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone


I apologise straight away for lack of personals but I'm on   
Our SW just rang and we have been linked with a 4 month old baby boy   
The baby's SW wanted to meet tomorrow but DH is away till tomorrow nite on course. Our SW is coming to bring me some info on the baby tonite and she and baby SW will b coming on Tuesday to discuss little bluey. I'm soooo happy and can't stop smiling, I've even been crying tears of joy. Didn't think would happen this quick. I never thought we would get a child so young. We have been told to think of a name as well as he has unique name so we get to change it. If all goes ok we're going to matching panel early September and hopefully intros 2 wks later.
Can't wait to be able to shop blue and for tiny baby clothes. It feels so real now. Wooohoooo!!!!    


Love you all


Lou xx


----------



## thespouses

Best of luck newmum and fab news Igtbam. If you want any advice on that age range let me know!

Well after all my research at various LAs we think we have a plan, but it involves waiting a bit longer! We can't really apply till late this year/early next year but we already know 2 places we think we'd like to apply, our own LA we'd like to as well but we're waiting to hear back on their stupid age issue, and one that we wouldn't like to apply to (SW was very patronising about us living too far away, to be honest if they are going to be rude then we're not really going to be that interested!).

So we decided there are a few more LAs we'd ring at the time but we'll wait till Nov/Dec time to do some more telephoning and then make a decision on which one to go with.


----------



## newmum

I'm going to be a Mum fantastic news and so quick. I can imagine you're on cloud 9 such an amazing feeling   a baby boy aww how lovely  

The spouses sounds like you are doing a lot of research and I am sure it will,all be worth it. Not very nice SW being patronising you can do without that! 

Thanks for you well wishes for today. Well today was amazing and so surreal   DH has been quiet the last few days and I was worried how he would be, but he was great and really wants this LO like me   we've got to wait until we hear from SW to hear her say LO SW say yes too us. It's a defo yes from us we are soooo excited and happy. All going well we will go to September panel    meet FC and medical advisor August  and intros Sept/October    pinch me now    

Nm2b x (may have to think of a name change   )


----------



## Starmaker73

^ a name change AND a profile timeline change I think.   Congrats to all who are being approved and matched right now, I am having trouble keeping up but I am so very happy and excited for you all.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

The spouses thank u   


Newmum2b - we are very shocked at how quick it's happened. We only got approved 2wks today. So never expected it to happen so soon. But we're thrilled and hope all works out. It seems we may b going to panel the same time, as if all goes ok they want us to go to panel early September and hopefully have little boy home end of September to get him settled. It's all happening so quickly. Hope everything goes ok for u x


Lou x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Igtbam congratulations 

Nm2b  all sounds rather promising to me  everything crossed for you! Been keeping an eye on the board today for your news nm2b!!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, I've manages a quick scan and WOO HOO to all the good news on here, IGTBAM and new mum, wishing you all the very best, such lovely news x

Just a quick one and have to whisper, shout as LO is asleep in her cot but today we brought our beautiful baby daughter home forever and it feels AMAZING!!!! We waited a long time like everyone on here and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I love her more than I ever thought possible....big smiles xxx


----------



## newmum

Aww greenie bop that made my heart melt x congratulations


----------



## thespouses

By the way IGTBAM if your babe will be 6 months or under when placed, you might want to talk to the SW about not starting solids yet, or when's the right time to start them. Some FCs (especially your granny type) will start them at 4mo but the current recommendation is you can actually wait till 6mo or a little bit longer especially if they are not yet grabbing food off people's plates!  And you don't want them starting a couple of weeks before placement and then having horrible tummy troubles at placement.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Greenie love it
IAGTBAM - Thrilled for you
Spouses - glad you have a plan 
NM2B - Fabulous that's DH's for you isn't it so hard to know what they are thinking at times. 

This forum is just an explosion of good news at the minute love it. HS 3 tomorrow. x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Woohoo!! I'm going to be a mummy, come and join us on the autumn panel thread!! Brilliant news! And you too newmum, so chuffed that it has gone so well!! Let's hope you hear really soon and can celebrate in style. The biscuits worked a treat   you really deserve this hun!!


----------



## Lizard39

OMG such wonderful news - it's tricky to keep up with so much positive stuff going on at the moment. Congrats to everyone  

Also - thanks Gwyneth, gettina, nm2b & the spouses for response to my question re chronology addresses.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Greeniebop congratulations on bringing ur daughter home   


Thank u to everyone for the congrats, still not sunk in. SW popped in on her way home to bring some info on little man. She said he is very healthy and is said to b a stunner, absolutely beautiful. We see pics on Tuesday    we also been told we can change his name as is a very unusual name, so were over the moon to b able to change it to our own   .


Hoping to go to panel on 10th September all being well and intros not long after. Their hoping for little man to b home with us end if September ish......


Love to u all
Lou xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Congrats Greeniebop!!!! ENJOY your forever LO!!!


Mummy Noodles XXX


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi hope everyone is well,


We are meeting little mans SW on Tuesday and I'm so nervous, can anyone advise on wot to expect and any questions I need to ask?


Would really appreciate it.


Many thanks.


Lou x


----------



## Macgyver

Hi Lou,


Don't worry, i loved meeting our lo sw it was nice to hear more about our lo, likes dislikes etc.  she wanted to look around the house and see where lo would be sleeping.  She also brought us more pics.


The questions we asked were about lo routine, how his attachment was to his FC, had he had goodbye contact,  etc. also she wanted to know what we could do for him, ie play groups nearby, swimming pool ( he loves water ) and socialising with other children etc.


I wish you good luck and enjoy it.


----------



## newmum

Hi IGTBAM when we met treasures SW's they sat down and as I was making teas and coffees in the kitchen they had started talking to DH all relaxed! When I came back in the room they carried on talking mainly about treasure, how she is, her development, contact she is having will have, further details about BP. Our SW had a list of questions we had all prepared together so she mainly led the conversations. They asked if we had any questions, most of our questions had been asked in the general chit chat or ad hoc natural conversation questions. They then looked at treasures room and left. Our SW stayed behind to see how we felt. Too be honest I really enjoyed the experience, I was nervous naturally but the nerves soon disappeared. Try not too worry and be yourself and doesn't forget chocolate biscuits help hey Lolly    

Good luck you will be just fine   enjoy the experience  

Nm2b x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Thank u for ur advice, I'm getting so nervous now.


I hate being put on the spot for questioning as I no wot i wanna say but it doesn't quite come out the way I want it lol.


Our SW isn't going to be with us as she's on 6 wks leave so were having a stand in one, although we have met her before as she was our original SW before she went sick. She is also on leave this wk but is coming in especially for us as she says she's already let us down once before, which I thought was lovely of her. She only lives 10 mins away from us anyway. She called in last Thursday evening with some info on little mans bk ground etc.


I'm just praying little mans SW says yes cos I think it would break my heart to b let down now at this stage. It sounds mad but we r already falling in love with him    we couldn't of asked for a more prefect link. We have been told to change his name, and given rough dates for panel etc so surely they can't turn round and say no now can they? 


Hope ur all well.


Love to u all


Lou x


----------



## gettina

Good luck for tomorrow Lou. I hope it's a great meeting. 
Gettina x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Thank u gettina I'm getting so nervous lol although I'm excited to be able to see photos of little man   


Lou x


----------



## Macgyver

Good luck today Lou


----------



## thespouses

So... Our LA wrote back and said we CAN apply, in 6-12 months, which is what we were originally expecting based on little boy's age. So what they were doing telling us we are too old I have no idea.

So we will see then whether we actually want to go with them or not!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi,

Sorry about the me post but I  after your thoughts.

As you know we adopted two children (siblings 3.5 months ago) and the children have settled amazingly. We were approved at the end of October, HS started in June last year.

We have been contacted by sw who wants to come and see us, now we may be jumping to conclusions here but I suspect we are going to be told that bm is pregnant again, and ask us if we would consider another.

My heart says yes, we would love it (always said max would be 3) BUT my head is saying...WOH! We would have 3 sets of childcare and 3 kids under 3, I would have another set of adoption leave (and SAP...not great!), we only have 3 bedrooms....would we need go through HS again, more medicals?!!!!

I realise only we know how we really feel about this, but wanted your thoughts.

...if w say know we will be 2nd choice in the future I presume.


----------



## Belliboo

Hi as far as I know if you don't have your adoption order you don't have to go through home study again we had to start everything again as we had adoption order granted after finding out bm was pregnant again however we are still waiting for placement order to be granted on half sibling & babies nearly 6 months & will be 8/9 months on placement at this rate, 
so can take while to get placement order so they might not be with you for a few months after birth unless ss have other plans foster to adopt etc for you, anyway sounds exciting for you xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Hey DDCT,

Is the lo's SW not still visiting every month anyway til AO is granted? The things I would think about most would be how will you divide your time to give lo's attention? Also how many more sibs might their be? 

My heart would be ruling my head I must admit. Sounds like you may need to think practically first. Remember and ask SW if an adoption allowance would be granted given your finances would be stretched further and working might not be practical for a few years with childcare costs(??). 

On a plus side, you have a blue & pink already, plus baby items, buggy etc so less to buy than from the outset?

Good luck for your meeting x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi all. Hope everyone is fantastic!! Our little girls bed arrives tomorrow and I cannot wait so excited. 

Dreams. We have had this talk as sw's have made it subtly clear that one of the reasons they liked us was because we would take three. I think you have to go with heart. I know that is really controversial but if you ever had to live with the regret of turning said sibling down it would be torturous. Also having to explain that to your children would be hard work. Just my opinion sorry. We would do it but fortunately we have no practical concerns as we live off inheritance! I recognise that makes it very easy for me to make a judgel  ment but I know I couldnt live with the regret. On a happy note....has it really been 3.5 months wow. Time flies!! 
We meet fc next week. Worried about it completely as not prepared but hey ho mo choice and it means we are a stsgd further!! 
Love to all x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

DDCT - Is SW not just doing a routine visit? You might be getting carried away and thinking about something that might not be happening   just a thought. Like the others have said, if BM is pregnant again she still has the pregnancy to go through and IF baby is removed then it will take time for placement order etc to be sorted so it might not be something you need to consider anytime soon anyway. But a very hard decision to make, especially so soon into placement. It really is weighing up the practicalities Vs wanting to take them on. I think it's something most couples talk about and there's no easy answer. Keep us informed on any news and good luck with making a decision if there is a possible no: 3 on the way. Eeeeeeeek 😁

AFU - I'm having a really proud Mammy moment and wanted to share  

We've had so many achievements recently I just don't know where to even start, she's become so settled and comfortable and is showing progress towards having positive attachments to myself and DH. She is very sociable and just loves being around friends and family, she adores her grandparents and of course everyone equally adores her. She's such a character, her sense of humour is hilarious especially for such a little person. She is suitably clingy in unknown situations and always checks in with myself or DH if socialising or if upset/hurt. She's very affectionate and cuddly yet can be very boisterous and just generally nuts at times  She turned 3 a few weeks ago and ever since has been having a huge growth spurt, she's growing so quick right in front of our eyes   She's been home 21 weeks tomorrow and if you can't tell already I just love her so so much, she brings us so much joy and I'm pleased to say she is very happy herself and is just thriving.

We are submitting our AO forms this week to finally make it all official. She's started telling DH and I that she loves us and now she's learnt that she says it all the time when giving us a squeezy cuddle 😍 Tonight she told me she doesn't want to go back to Poppets Mammy - not sure if she was referring to FC or BM but I just reassured her she wasn't going anywhere and I was her forever Mammy. I read her the Teazles before bed (a family favourite) and she was so excited explaining to me how the Teazles are like Mammy & Daddy and how the baby bunny is poppet. She then just kept saying over and over how she now lives with Mammy and Daddy forever and ever and was just so happy with herself. Every now and again she gets these little realisation moments and it's so sweet to see. 

I just wanted to share that with you all, I feel so proud and happy like I'm going to burst  
Xx


----------



## skyblu

Haven't got time for personals but just wanted to say, what a lovely post from poppets mummy.   
lovely everything is going well, no rephrase that, fantastic. Congrats on submitting the AO, bit of a mine field isn't?

all the best everyone
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Yes I agree awesome . wonderful post poppets mammy!!! Thanks x x xK


----------



## oliver222

lovely post poppets mammy


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks ladies 

We are now on 6 weekly visits and it's only been 3 since the last :s However I asked our sw to ask if it was another baby as she had suspected it too...but it's not. She is just passing, we are a good drive from her so whilst she was nearby she decided to arrange a visit to save her comig again and driving all of that way. Anyway now we know this...I felt relief and an element of disappointment. And we have concluded that this means that if another little monkey arrives and is adopted then we will try and adopt him/her too. So in the meantime we are going to pull our socks up and find a bigger house...not just for the possibibility of a third but two little monkeys have far far far too much stuff and our little house is far too small for it all! Watch this space.

We are on holiday at the moment, staying in a caravan and the kids love it! Dh and I have only ever had two UK caravan holidays...both since our little monkeys came home...how life has changed, Asia and the Caribean no more (well not this year any way).

The kids are doing brilliantly, 'touch wood' we seem to have boundaries and behaviour under control, food is still an issue with monkey blue...or should I call him the spagetti bolognaise kid?!!! And both have settled and attached wonderfully.

Poppets mammy - your post made my heart melt, so glad that poppet is doing so well and her wonderful mammy and daddy x x 

Fran - are you all set for your life to become a whole lot busier with your two little sea urchins? Not long until the life appreciation day? x x

Sorry no more personals....monkey blue is awake, and so am I thanks to monkey pink who has now gone back to sleep (she's a tinker!)!!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Absolutely amazing Poppets Mummy I really love your updates thank you for finding time x x 

Ddct the only thing I would say in addition to the great advice is what about numbers 4, 5, 6 etc if there are three so close it probably won't end there does that affect your feelings in any way x x


----------



## Macgyver

Poppets mummy - just wanted to say your post made me smile and congratulations sweetie x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ddct we must have posted together or I missed your update sorry not relevant x x


----------



## happypenguin

So many different new threads, I don't know where to find anybody anymore!!

Dreams Do Come True - that was a really inspiring post. Thank you so much for sharing 

We go to both of our Approval Panels next week (having to go through two for Concurrent Care) and we're equal parts nervous and excited. It's going to be a heck of a week!!

I'm off to find all the other new threads to catch up on your news.


----------



## Sq9

Fabulous post poppets mammy  . 
Lots of fabulous news at the moment.  Our sw has seen 1 reference today, another one tomorrow and last one on mon so I have everything crossed that means we can go to sept panel.  Take care everyone xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoo SQ9 September here you come x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Poppets Mammy - loved your post!


Girls ..I am on for some advice tonight. Our SW wants us to talk at Prep/ Adoption meeting. DH and I have discussed a about 5 aspects which we feel are important to our own journey. Is there anything from your own experience of this meeting OR for those at the start of the Adoption  process, which YOU think is helpful or important Really appreciate your ideas and thought Ladies! You know what its all about! Dh and I really want to encourage other couples/ singles to Adopt! 


Thanks Girlies. This site has been amazing for me!


Mummy Noodles (Just love my name now!!!!)


----------



## Starmaker73

I'm so happy for everyone's good news.  I'm having a hard time, and made the difficult decision today to withdraw my application with my LA and start from scratch. I'm now looking at VAs but also wondered if you can approach an LA that is not your own but the next one over, if you know what I mean....so still close by?


----------



## oliver222

Starmaker73 said:


> I'm so happy for everyone's good news.  I'm having a hard time, and made the difficult decision today to withdraw my application with my LA and start from scratch. I'm now looking at VAs but also wondered if you can approach an LA that is not your own but the next one over, if you know what I mean....so still close by?


Yes you can. I am going through Glasgow but reside in Lanarkshire.


----------



## Sun Flower

Mummy noodles, we finished prep last week, on the last day a couple came in who have adopted twin girls, they had us all in tears and then laughing our heads off! It was amazing. The main points which I enjoyed were looking at the forever family story book, hearing their ideas of what to include, things we can start doing now, watching the DVD they had done for the girls ( which they were embarrassed about, but we all thought it was fab ) and hearing the horror stories about panel!   
the little stories about the funny things the girls say, day to day was nice and made us see that adoption can and does work, they are just a 'normal' happy little family. Heartwarming. 
Hope that helps x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Noodles, 

A number of adopters spoke and what I found really useful one of them talked about the process of matching. Number of profiles they saw, how many they turned down, how they made their choice etc. This was really useful because it's a bit of an elephant in the room with adoption I had no idea how inundated with profiles you can be depending on how your SW managed it. 

Starmaker - we are with a neighboring LA not  the one we live it because the one we live in didn't suit us. It was a decision based on gut feeling at open evenings but has turned out well. Our assessing LA see's it as  a positive they are a small LA so don't place with adopters that live in their borough but obviously do assess them. So they could potentially place children with us from their books. Good luck I am really sorry your LA has let you down. x x


----------



## liveinhope

Yes you can starmaker.  We went for a neighbouring LA as I work for the same LA that we live in!  When it comes to placing LO's most LA's are grouped together so it would be possible to have a child from your LA placed with you.  We chose not to and had a child from within our consortium.


----------



## Starmaker73

Thank you for all your support guys, it really is appreciated.  Off to research more LAs and VAs today in the hope that I can find the right fit for me.  Jumping back on the rollercoaster.


----------



## thespouses

Starmaker73 said:


> I'm so happy for everyone's good news.  I'm having a hard time, and made the difficult decision today to withdraw my application with my LA and start from scratch. I'm now looking at VAs but also wondered if you can approach an LA that is not your own but the next one over, if you know what I mean....so still close by?


We're in the process of thinking about applying for a second time, though we won't make any official application till next year. It's a long saga but I've spoken on the phone to 4 LAs (one said we were too far) and I've just looked up 3 more and looked back at the VA we adopted through first time round. You can apply to a lot of places if they are within reach (some will say they are too far) and some may really like out-of-area adopters as there are some children who would have a more relaxed life (even if they aren't in huge danger) if they weren't in the same borough.

For example in our part of the world there are a lot of unitary authorities i.e. a city or metropolitan borough that is an LA that approves their own adopters. Most of them have quite a large population but some are a small geographic area, some with quite focussed city centres - one of the ones we rang up has basically only got one big set of shops in the borough, so only one Primark/M&S/one council offices, one big hospital. If you lived in area even if you were not in any danger from birth family, it would still be nice to be able to relax and not think "will they be round the corner being annoying/slightly inappropriate". Even though we do meet up with birth family, I don't think we'd like to bump into them randomly!

Incidentally for those that have been following our saga - not only does one of the LAs we looked at other than our own seem to offer concurrent placements, so does one other that we rang up and that didn't mention it (the one I'm talking about above, in fact, though we don't often go there!), one more we didn't ring up, and so does the VA we adopted with first time!

So it's looking a lot less likely that we'll go with our LA anyway! Ha!


----------



## newmum

Sorry been AWOL for a bit  

DH and SS's and me are on a caravan holiday

Things are going well for us we are meeting LO medical advisor and FC next week  

Sorry no personals but good luck and hi to everyone 

I'm going back to dreaming of little treasure being here with us now  

Nm2b x


----------



## lynsbee

Hi, im not sure if this is the right place to join the chatter or not.....if not please feel free to tell me to 'do one'

So, We completed Prep in May, Started home assessment started mid June think we only have one more home visit left which is Tuesday. Panel is booked for 18th Sept!!!!......


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant news Lyndsbee. This is just the right place to be. We all touch base on here and let everyone know big news. However there are also a number of threads that people are in as well in smaller groups. 

There's Prep July hoping for approval 2014 
Recently approved waiting a match 
Autumn MP and intro's 

All going at the minute so check some of those out too. Fab news with the panel date Gwyneth x x


----------



## oliver222

Hi Lynsbee, 
I have panel 16th Sept although my prep was April 2012. My LA were very slow and waited 8 months for HS to start.


----------



## lynsbee

Thanks....
I did look at the other threads but just kind of didn't fit.

Oliver222 - Only a couple of days between our panel dates then Eeeek. O
Once the ball got rolling things have flown for us. At the end of prep they reckoned on panel being nov/dec time. Our home visits started a bit later than intended so we were thinking panel jan/feb. Couldn't believe our ears when we were told sept!!!


----------



## newmum

Welcome Lynsbee x


----------



## alig1972

Hi Lynsbee

I am not too far behind you, we are currently going through home study and hope to get to panel by Oct/Nov. Had my 1st individual session today and I am now all talked out! It was very interesting and there was lots that I hadn't thought about before or were forgotten about in my past. Our next one is a joint one on 20th August...

Ali x


----------



## Angels4Me

Hi everyone
I'm wondering if anyone here is adopting two, would love to share thoughts. I'm nervous and wobbly ! We are nearing our panel date
Angels xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Angel DH and I are head long in home study and are looking for siblings. I'll chat through our thoughts if you like but if you're looking for someone who's already adopted then have a look on the parenting board x x


----------



## gettina

Very interesting thespouses! Hope you find one that suits you. 
Welcome lynsbe -hope the rest of hs goes swimmingly.
Good luck with finding yourself a nice new LA/VA star maker.
Hi alig. Glad today went well.
Ooh you're officially a pro adopter once you've done a talk mummy noodles! I wanted to hear about the difficulties and challenges as well as the joy - sorry! But I wanted to feel I was getting a real honest appraisal of life as an adoptive parent. Let us know how you get one won't you and thanks! I was so grateful to the people that spoke at ours.
Hello all!
I also wanted to share with folk that might understand a little -as don't talk to my other friends about this stuff -  that I've had a tough week emotionally with a couple of friends having 3 babies between them and one of them being given the (unusual) name we had chosen for the little girl we hoped to have one day which has ridiculously knocked me, not least because for me the not naming our future child is a sore point. Don't get me wrong, I am so looking forward to my family through adoption but i guess i might not be alone in still having sad times while i wait...anyway am treating myself to a big glass of red wine and will enjoy a lie in in the morning! 
Enjoy the w/e
Gettina


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Getina it's so hard.  For me I have been okay once we started with prep and HS it's been so full on and all consuming.  I am sorry about the name that's tough. Be kind to yourself and have a bit of time away from them all if you need it x x


----------



## thespouses

Yes noodles definitely talk about the difficulties - we had one adopter talk to us about only happy things and the SW running the course pointed out this wasn't the full story!


----------



## Angels4Me

Hi Gettina
I totally empathise with this heartache xx  I don't know if I will ever totally accept that I havnt had my bio children as I thought all of my life that I would!!!  I feel its something I have to live with and I suppose there are times when it gets easier although each at their own pace as it is such a big heartbreak. Hopefully when we have our adopted children we will be full of love and that will ease our past hurts. Lots of luck with your new journey xxx


----------



## lynsbee

At our prep we had people come in who adopted last year, the whole room was in tears including the SWs. Most of their journey had gone really well and they were obviously still on a high from finally becoming parents etc. Then we had a lady come in who had adopted a few years ago and her journey had been very very different, she had taken risks and gone against what many SW advice with the birth mother etc her children are now in their 20's and the lady who adopted is now on the adoption panel as an experienced adopter.
I understand the heartache with babies being born and names etc, thankfully we don't really have any names as a few years ago while going through tx there were 3 boys names we liked and hadn't told anyone they weren't even massively popular but in the the space of 10 days and 3 baby boys born our 3 names were taken!! So glad I never really thought about names again.


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Everyone   hope you have all been enjoying the weekend? 

QQ. Hubby have had our first HS when we talked about us & our relationship, which covered fertility & motivation to adoption. This week we have our individual sessions - do they just touch on our background, childhood, our parents, family etc? Why it is that we have to have individual sessions and we can't listen to each others session? Are they looking for anything specific during these sessions? I would feel so much 'safer' if we did it together. Hope the SW doesn't ask us individually what we would do in certain situations - would kinda feel like Mr & Mrs!!


----------



## Sun Flower

I was wondering that too Lizard, will be interested to read the answers from others who have recently had individual home study sessions.


----------



## snapdragon

Lizard39: The main reason for individual sessions is to check you are both fully on board with the adoption. What is covered varies hugely on individual sw's.  Mine mostly asked about my husband and what sort of parent I thought he would be. We talked about my family in our joint sessions but know many sw's do this in the individual sessions.


----------



## newmum

Hi lizard, we had separate sessions then sessions together. SW asked us both about our life's from 0-now separately and to make sure we had no secrets from each other because if we did we would both discuss what had been said individual in our group sessions. Myself and DH have nothing to hide from our pasts so no big surprises! I think SW wanted to find out about us as individuals and what our backgrounds where like, our childhood, our adult life, how we cope in stress, life changing situations, support from each other and family etc 

Good luck and try not too worry 

Nm2b x


----------



## Sq9

Hello lizard.  Our individual sessions were last and we had to talk about each other, why we felt our relationship worked, our good and bad points and any significant previous relationships.  I was really nervous about my session, but it was absolutely fine


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi lizard. Out individual sessions (we had 2 each) covered out childhoods, upbringings, family, any bereavements etc and then we talked about our relationship, how we dealt with conflict/disagreements, we talked about how treatment was for us as individuals. It didn't feel like there were any trick questions and our SW seemed to really want to get to know us as individuals as well as a couple. Hope it goes well x

Well life here has changed so much. Munchkin has been home for 10 days now and it as been amazing, tiring, scary and every feeling in between. We can't remember life before her. Yesterday was her 1st birthday....a day DH and I never thought we would get to share with a LO. We had immediate family over and it was a really special day. Today has been hard as DH goes back to work tomorrow so there hae been lts of tears from me:-( it has really dawned on me nw that I'm not going back to work for another year and that spend I are on our own tomorrow!!!!!!! I am looking toward to mummy and munchkin time though she sleeps well, 10-12 hours a night and we he only had 2 nights so far when she has woken for a bottle....not bad for a teething baby. Anyway, I am off to bed as I am shattered and will need plenty of energy for tomorrow.

God luck to those of you that have meetings etc coming xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

On phone so apologies for the terrible spelling x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Lizard - it's perfectly normal to have individual sessions. I felt as though it was to see if both individuals were on the same page. Saying the same kind of thing....however afterwards DH and I thought ours were mostly about our past so who knows? Just be yourself and it will be fine!

Us - Talking at Prep/Adoption group was super special. It made me see how far we had come as a couple and now a family. Very therapeutic for me. And well most importantly I think the group did get something (I hope!) out of what we said. It's such a long and at times difficult journey BUT my goodness - look what you get at the end = BRILLIANT!!

Thanks for all the advice Girls as usual you are great!

'Mummy'  Noodles


----------



## newmum

Sounds wonderful greenie bop what a amazing special day, hope tomorrow goes ok for you I am sure you will be just fine  

We are meeting little treasures FC and medical advisor so excited to find out more about her

Nm2b x


----------



## Anjelissa

Just to add to the conversation regarding individual hs sessions, our sw told us that she once had a situation where she got to the individual session and the husband admitted he didn't really want to go ahead, that he was just going through the motions for his wife   .
She said he obviously didn't feel comfortable admitting this to his wife as he knew she wanted it so much. 
Mind you, however selfless his reasons, the fact that he felt comfortable having this conversation with a stranger instead of his wife (prior to starting the process) raises some concerns  , especially after getting so far down the road. I would imagine they definitely DID have that conversation after their sw had left  

Anj x


----------



## newmum

Quick update

Well today was fab, meeting with medical advisor went well, we learnt a couple of new things and any concerns we had have been cleared up.

We then met the FC who seemed really friendly, we had our list and I felt it was too business like so we kind of chit chatted our way through it. FC are really experienced and you can tell have a close relationship with treasure. At times I felt as if they where a bit guarded with their info e.g. What favourite toys, or food does she like and the answer was she doesn't have any favourites or she will eat anything. Kind of sussing us out a bit but hey they are going to and they have done an amazing job with our daughter. They wrote down some gorgeous things about her for us to keep and we saw some lovely photos, she is so gorgeous. The female FC showed me their car seat in the car park and I felt we both relaxed a bit then and she then said I looked like treasure  

All in all an amazing day.     and another step closer till treasure is home  

Nm2b x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

Just in case you are wondering what has happened to me here goes with an update...

As some of you know about the terrible panel DH and i had gone through in may and what we did to try to turn around the damage which had been done.We did get lots of apology's from the agency and even one from the decision maker after what we were put through in may. We were later given a further panel date for 10th august, however we received a phone call regarding our social worker informing us that there had sadly been a death in her family and so she couldn't make panel which obviously we understood. 

So we have now been put on panel for 13th September   3rd panel date so lets hope this is 3rd time lucky even though it is friday 13th   


How are you all getting on?

xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lovely to hear from you unconditional love, often think about you and glad you have a panel date now. You will be third time lucky and it is so so deserved. So sorry you've had all this stress and worry, you'll soon be celebrating my lovely xxx   xxx


----------



## Sq9

Good to hear from you UL. Sorry to hear you've had to wait again but have everything crossed September is your month.  We are hoping to go to panel in September too but it depends on the sw getting the par written up in time.
Take care


----------



## gettina

Some wow messages here! So lovely to hear it's started amazingly well greenie. And gosh your prep talk took place already noodles! That was fast. Well done and I'm so pleased it was nice for you too. And nm2b - yay to the special meeting with the FC. What's next for you guys?

As for the individual sessions - they were so uninteresting neither me or dh clearly remember them! But I am pretty sure they were much more about our childhoods and relationships with parents than any sort of horrible ss version of mr and mrs - though that has made me giggle. The only bit about dh and I was what challenges our relationship had. (She asked this what felt like incessantly throughout our sessions joint and single!)

You'll be fine but good luck.
Unconditional - I have been wondering about you and hoping you and dh were doing ok as panel got closer - so i thought. Gotta say - third time lucky!! What a date though. Lucky it would be so daft to be worried by things like that   sorry it's been delayed. 
Gettina x


----------



## newmum

Good to hear from you UL, and September will be your time x


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Unconditional - lovely to hear from you and so pleased things have moved (rightly so) in the right direction for you. Hope you have managed to enjoy the summer with your hubby and go to panel next month with confidence it will be a yes - as it will  

NM2B - what a fab day you have had. On countdown now til you meet your LO.

Thanks for your replies Anj, mummy noodles, Greeniebop, Sq9, NM2B, snapdragon & gettina. Really appreciate your insight into the individual HS sessions.

Hi to everyone else


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

UL have been wondering about you.  Sorry for the further delays but so glad that you finally have a finishing line in sight.  Here's praying for a quick match at the other side to make up for all this x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

UL - good to hear from you and it seems your in good spirits considering the faff on you've had. I think the agency are probably very embarrassed about the whole saga. As sad as it is that your SW has had a bereavement I bet the managers were cringing and having an 'Oh No, not another delay for that couple' moment. I'm sure it will all go swimmingly on the 13th Sept and hopefully the right LO/LO's for you will become available just at the same time and all will suddenly make sense. Good luck and keep intouch   xx

NM2B - check your signature, you've got a slight error when describing your little treasures age   I don't normally spot things like that but it gave me a little giggle Tee Hee. Meeting with MA and FC sound like they went well. We too felt our FC was a bit guarded and the conversation was a little one sided and her answers were often a bit non specific and blaze, almost as if she didn't know the answers. It was a strange meeting and we were a little anxious about intro's but from day 1 she was much more welcoming and very forth coming with info and was just generally great. I suppose they feel a bit protective at first which is understandable. Xx


----------



## newmum

Thanks Poppets Mammy the date was our panel date   will swap it round   so it makes more sense x


----------



## oliver222

Glad you have a new panel date UL


----------



## Poppets Mammy

NM2B   I'm literally pi**ing myself here, that's not even what I was getting at. It's the ' 10 month year old girl ' you don't need the year after month.   I'm only finding it funny as it's so something I'd do. Xx


----------



## newmum

Poppets Mammy     oh my oh my it's been a long day!! X x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Newmum!! That'll be me tonight... knackered and talking jibberish!!   Right, off to life appreciation day we go


----------



## Frangipanii

Thinking of you Lolly!!!♥
To echo your words nm2b and yours Lolly 'that will be me tomorrow'!!!! 
Lizard...nice to hear about your progress!!!!
SQ9....FINGERS CROSSED for September panel!!!! X
Gettina....where u up to. 
Mummy noodles....sounds amazing. Think you obviously did a marvellous job!!!!!♥
afm meeting fc tomorrow, decorating this morning!!! ♥ 
love to all x x


----------



## happypenguin

A big day for us today. We have our Fostering Panel today followed by our Adoption Panel tomorrow. Will be really happy when they are both complete


----------



## Frangipanii

Good luck happy penguin x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck HP x


----------



## badger23

Hi Guys​I've been posting on another thread but thought you ladies might be able to help?​
I'm after some advise, we have a 5yr old niece who knows we are going to have a baby, she hasn't been told anything else. I know there are some good books around, could anyone recommend one explaining our baby will be adopted?​
If I try and explain I might confuse her altogether!​

Thanks, badger xx​

Read more: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=310222.30#ixzz2bqORKAou​


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=309419.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=310095.0

Try these two threads badger there's a lot of book suggestions x


----------



## happypenguin

A wonderful unanimous YES for us from the Fostering Panel today. Back again tomorrow with our fingers tightly crossed for Adoption Panel


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Yay, congratulations happy penguin   Bring on round two!!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi 

I'm hopeless at posting but do read all the posts and loving all the good news re panels and being matched ! 

We were suppose to be at panel today but its been delayed to October as we are in the process of buying a house ( since April) and turned into a bit of a nightmare  

Our LA has a specific matching department and hold regular get together's for Adopters, last week we went to a coffee morning which was lovely but bit daunting at first ! They have profiles of all the children waiting and a lot of their SW's were there so you could ask more questions and find out more information about them.

Thank you to everyone who post loads more than me - I have gathered together so much information from you all !! 

Good luck to everyone on their journey

Beckyboo x


----------



## gettina

Fantastic happy penguin. Well done. Half way there.

Thanks for asking after me frangi. Just waiting for panel at the end of the month......

Sorry about your delay beckyboo. Hope oct comes round quickly for you.

Gettina x


----------



## Frangipanii

Wonderful day you Lolly and Happy Penguin!!! Overjoyed for you both!!! Congrats hp and good luck for tomorrow!!! Lolly so lovely to read about your perfect pink!!!
Gettina...not long to go now!!! Will have my fingers firmly crossed for you!!!
Gywneth. ..hows is everything going with you, I know they said panel would be quite quick but any idea. 
Beckyboo..sorry to hear about panel, I do hope your move moves forward asap! We moved just as we were starting hs. It is hectic!!! Goodluck with it all x 
well meeting fc tomorrow and medical advisor. It is a mega drive and I have had to get a team of people to animal sit for me!! Nervous as hell and got seriously bad period pains, which usually I have for days so not impressed and hope it does not knock my concentration! 
Well we have our 10 questions for medical advisor and our 65 for fc all prepared and after reading about other peoles experiences I feel I will cope with it all.no choice.  Our sw is wonderful too so that helps. 
Anyway must sleep or try at least!! We are still camping in our lounge but all the rooms are smelling less of paint so maybe be able to risk moving back. Although it has been amazing for our relationship!!
Night all, loads of love 
ps so please to see you back UL♥♥♥♥♥♥


----------



## newmum

Frangi... Good luck for tomorrow. My Mother Nature (aunt flow) decided to show about 5 mins before I met FC on Monday so I scrambled for 50p coin for the machine... Isn't she great to us? Not! 

Ooh nice to see your relationship is going amazing, must be all the paint air   

Try to get some sleep, I know it's hard and enjoy tomorrow night night x


----------



## thespouses

Great news happypenguin!


----------



## badger23

Thanks gwyneth for the links.
Hope everyone is well?


Badger xx


----------



## happypenguin

Back from our Adoption Panel and another unanimous yes.
We are now official Concurrent Carers !!!!!!


----------



## Sun Flower

Congratulations!!!
I bet you are one very happy penguin   xx


----------



## happypenguin

I may even have done a 'happy penguin' dance


----------



## GERTIE179

Well done Happy Penguin ;-)


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Get your wiggle on girls!! Big smiles and congrats from this end!


----------



## newmum

Keep moving happy penguin


----------



## lynsbee

Sorry I have only had a quick scan through the last couple of pages!!
Some fab news on here!!
Sorry to hear about panel delays too!!

So I have had a week off work, was back in today. Spent the weekend decorating and had our final SW visit yesterday!!!! Sooooo 5 weeks today and we will be at PANEL!!!! I am already cr***ing myself over panel. When we were talking about it with our SW worker yesterday I felt sick with nerves!!!
Something I didn't realise was in my area we get settling in costs...so money to help buy things well will need for the child placed with us. Whether it goes towards bedroom furniture, pushchairs, car seats whatever so that was nice to hear. Also when it all goes to court, we initially pay the £170 court cost thing then they pay it back to us.


----------



## oliver222

Congrats Happy Penguin


----------



## Frangipanii

Met fc and medical advisor today, feel completely wiped. Lots of good information and lovely stuff on our urchins. But feel complrtely drained by process!! It seems like we dont matter to the workings of this!! They booked meetings without asking if its ok, plan intros without considering our commitments, and if we do have an issue they pacify us. Obviously we are jumping though yet more hoops as you have to in this game and play along as an indoctrinated ghecko! But I am so annoyed!! We are taking over a year off our careers and we have moved house spent thousands on renovstions and all I am asking for is a little bit of politeness.  Sorry for rant. Needed to vent. 
Will catch up on all yours posts later but great news happy penguin!!! 
Xxx


----------



## thespouses

Hooray for the happy penguin!

I will be very interested to see how long it takes for you to find a match


----------



## Unconditional-love

Lolly, thank you for your reply, I see you are getting so close to your little one coming home, how lovely   


Sq9, thank-you…I hope you do get to panel in September   


Gettina, dh and I are coping much better than we were thank you, just hoping we get through this time. When do you go to panel? 



Newmum2b, I see you have matching panel in September I hope it’s a lucky month for us both    


Lizard 39, thank you, we have relaxed in the sunshine as much as we can as we are delaying a holiday till after panel, if we get through in September I’m booking a holiday to celebrate. Where are you at in the process now?


Gwyneth27, thank you. Has your home study begun yet?


Poppets-mammy, Thank you for your kind words, our plan is to have one LO but I told dh after all we have been through surly I deserve two, he didn’t really respond but I’m still trying to get around him   


Oliver222, thank you


Frangipani, how is the decorating? And I’m sorry for the way you have been treated , you should stand your ground and tell them you have your own commitments, this process has taught me to say what I think when it comes to the process. Some people are just so rude.   


Happy Penguin, congrats


----------



## snapdragon

Hello UL lovely to hear from you. Sorry about your delay. Hopefully they will find you a quick match. What age are you hoping for? All is good with us. Lo has been here for 7 months now and keeps us on our toes. We went to the adoption toddler gp yesterday. We don't often get the chance as its a bit far and I don't drive. Lovely seeing all the Lo's, There were 3 Lo's of 12 months all placed 3 months ago. Our adoption order has only just been put into court as Lo's sw was too busy to do it before so will be a few months off. We are supposed to have sw visits every 6 weeks but not seen anyone since April. Anyway all the best for panel next month.


----------



## newmum

Yes fingers crosses UL x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks UL home study is going well got another visit today and sw says she has started writing bits of our PAR as we go. So fingers crossed x x


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Well, Gwyneth, it looks like we will be the opposite of you, as our agency informed us that we fall under the "old system" as our enquiry was made before July 1st. Our home study will take eight months! This means we will be approved around June next year. I would prefer March, as I would like to be matched over the summer (in case of school age kids). 

I think they really want good adopters for sibling groups and you really are standouts for that! I'm sure they would've approved you on the day of enquiry if they could. 

Me, I'm having second thoughts about our agency. The unfortunate side effect of taking our time means opening ourselves up to doubts! I think it's mostly terror of telling all my (huge) family next month, though. ;-)


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

HSM thank you so much that's a lovely thing to say.  I think doubts are normal hun but if you are unsure about your agency then look around again you aren't tied in yet. I am sure family will be fine it's just a shock at first especially if they don't know about your ttc journey x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, 

Hope you are all well. I haven't been on for a while....since munchkins arrival so I know that I need to set aside some time to catch up on everyone's news. Munchkin has been home for 2 weeks now and has settled in beautifully. The last 2 days she has been testing the boundaries but she then gives me her wonderful smile and my heart melts. Last weekend we celebrated her first birthday which was an amazing day with close family and friends. She has really bonded with her grandparents and close friends. For those of you waiting for your match, I know it seems like an eternity. We waited 10 months from approval until meeting her and I became really disillusioned with it all but it's true what someone said to me....the moment we met her those feelings of waiting an age were totally forgotten.  I think we have struck gold as she sleeps 10-12 hours a night and has only woken on 3 nights!!!!! 

Anyway, enough of me rambling on. Take care xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

How lovely Greenie really glad your LO has slotted in so well x  x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you gwyneth. All the best for your HS and the journey beyond x


----------



## newmum

Greeniebop nice to hear from you and to hear life is going really well. Think we will have similar celebrations when we get our treasure home it will be her 1st birthday a couple of weeks after she has been home with us. So happy things are good for you x


----------



## katie c

Bit of a tangent but did anyone see last week's 'Who do you think you are?' with Lesley Sharp?

She was adopted, and was tracing her birth father's ancestors. If you can watch it without a sniffle or two, you're a stronger person than me!   

Lovely positive ending regarding her feelings towards her adoptive father   

It'll still be on i-player if you want to see it.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi just curious.  Anyone had a delayed matching panel?! We are having security issues and want them acknowledging beforr panel. Just wondering if anyone had been through this!! Thanks x x


----------



## katie c

frangipanii said:


> Hi just curious. Anyone had a delayed matching panel?! We are having security issues and want them acknowledging beforr panel. Just wondering if anyone had been through this!! Thanks x x


not for security reasons but health, but yes, ours was cancelled the day before 

i hope SS sort out the issues quickly so the delay isn't too long  sounds like you're doing the right thing though, if you're not 100% happy.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi fran, didn't want to read and run. Hope it all gets sorted soon but you are absolutely right to do things properly to ensure the safety of your new family. Wishing you all the best x

We had our review meeting today and everyone really pleased with how LO is settling. 7 more weeks and we can apply to formally adopt her she has been testing the boundaries these last few days and is teething which has meant a few sleepless nights but all in all a happy greeniebop. I hope that everyone else is keeping well xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks you both. Looks like we are getting somewhere!!! Will know more tomorrow!!! Keep your fingers crossed ♥


----------



## snapdragon

We have a court date, 10th Sept for our adoption order. Sw's took 7 months to put paperwork in. Finally went in 31st July and we  were told to expect 4 month wait. So pleased and our next review was due 26th Sept and is now cancelled.


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news Snapdragon - we have ours a week later and we are very excited too!
X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news snapdragon and Gertie x x


----------



## Lizard39

Fab news Snapdragon & Gertie  

Hi Gwyneth - or DIY Diva now!   how's the painting coming on? 

Fran - fab news things are moving in the right direction. Hope the move alittle quicker now...

Greeniebop - fab to hear your LO has settled so well & you can apply for AO soon.

Hi the everyone else   hope you are looking forward to the bank holiday weekend coming up. I did my first voluntary session at a crèche today. Was only for 90 mins and only 3 LO's there, but I really enjoyed it. All 3 where gorgeous in there own special way & it really reinforced we are doing the right thing. In September I'm going to be doing 1/2 a day a week and then in October acouple of hours ever weekend - so hope our SW things that is sufficient.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Lizard painting is going well 1 week till carpet now so need to keep the effort up to make sure the whole house is done by then.  

Your volunteering sounds great so glad you are enjoying it.  Bet your agency is loving the voluntary work too.  Very appealing to children's SW when looking at matches x  x  x


----------



## oliver222

Glad your volunteering went well Lizard.

I have just purchased a car seat, Britax Evolva Plus Forward Facing Group 1/2/3 Car Seat. Was a bargain at £63 and covers from 9 months - 12 years. Wasn't really planning to buy much before but want a good car seat so just went for it. I have 25 sleeps to approval panel, nearly there.


----------



## Frangipanii

Well  life appreciation day was daunting but exciting. I found some of the mummy feelings in me which I had lost completely! We did however have a bit of a fight which was not so pleasant however our social worker assures us that we have won. I am still holding back however and being a pessimist.  We have introductions booked so I am just trying to focus on that.The fight although a bit more of a heated discussion was not great. I suggested that the social workers were treating adoption as an extension of the care system and that they were indoctrinated into the social services system. I also wanted to point out that their sympathies for the biological family was nothing short of pathetic and sickly considering how much damage was done to two beautiful children. But I stopped myself. I recognise I am different from most of you in a opinionated/brash/outspoken/stubborn kind of way but I am slightly sick of feeling like we are second class citizens. We want the best for these children. Our social worker says that they dont want to loose us at all as they know we fit together so they will do anything they can to make it go smoothly!I must apologise for my selfish post but I am completely exhausted. Yesterday was soo long and today has been hectic too with joiners and fence builders and shopping so I must sign off and get some normal stuff done. 
Love to all x x x


----------



## skyblu

Just wanted to send Frangipanii some cyber hugs    I totally agree with you about the bf being so protected and sympathised after doing soooooo much damage to children. Try and not to worry you will get there and one day soon sw's will be out of your life and you will have your forever family.   

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

I also just want to send hugs to frangi    
As skyblu says, it all gets easier in many ways once sw visits are over with and you can move on with family life  
Anj x x


----------



## Sq9

Lots of exciting things going on on here at the moment.  Sending big hugs fran - I hope you've had more progress  

Afu, after a few very stressful weeks and a mini meltdown from me, we are going to approval panel 18th September - whoop whoop.  Completely terrified but also very excited and in a way probably just as well we haven't had that much notice of the date.  From the way sw was when we saw her with the par, I think she thought she had told us over a month ago that we were booked in September panel so it was all a bit of an anticlimax in a way as she just mentioned it in passing at the end  .  Never mind, we are booked in which is the important thing.  Just waiting to be told what time but sw thinks probably the morning.  Eeeeeek!!
Big    to everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoo SQ9  x x


----------



## newmum

SQ9 18th September is the same day as our matching panel, 21 days   like you we don't have a time either! Lets hope it's going to be a lucky day for us both   x


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks for all your cyber support! Panel next thursday! It looks like everything is coming together! However hubby and I are feeling guilty about the name changes but we haven't even done it yet! Our social worker, her manager, the social services dept in the kids area all agree we have to do it but it still feels strange! However we have to think about the future. We are not changing the name(s) until the children are settled and have attached to us. Ss want us to get rid of the first name(s) entirely but we are not sure, quite happy for them to have them as middle names. I cant wait to have them home. Hubby is annoying me a bit atm as he seems to want to isolate more that I do. I can understand that as he has no family and I am tooooo close to mine so I have to respect that but not sure how I will cope without me mum. Oh well its all a game of patience! 
We are planning stuff to do ans planning what to eat when they move in. So strange going from a family of two to four. 
My hormones are a complete mess due to all the stress! But I am getting there and we are being supported properly now as well as finally everyone has agreed with our findings and issues with the adoption so that is great. I am not expecting it to all go so smoothly of course! I am too much of a pessimist!! Te he!!
Hope everyone is having good journeys and staying sane!!! 
Love to you alllllllllll
♥ 
Sq9..awesome that panel is soon!! Will be thinking of you!


----------



## lynsbee

Frangipani ~ Glad everything is coming together now hun!!

Newmum2b and Sq9 ~ Looks like there is a few of us at panel that day!!...Me too!!!! 3weeks!!!!!!!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi ladies ! Sorry for not being on for a while I am sooo busy with our LO. Every day we are on the go and I am learning more about parenting. My friends and DH family been giving us loads of good advice - which can be irksome at times but - they do know a lot more than me!!  

SQ9 - best of luck for approval panel on the 18th - Im sure all will go well. Let us know how it goes. 


Frangipanni - Glad things are coming together for you now...read back to one of your posts earlier in the feed. You had mentioned adopters being treated like second class citizens. I do think you right to a degree. However I am also proud that we are the good guys! We come along and with much hard work and determination we help chn who are in need. Chn in FC have mostly had unfortunate beginnings which isn't their fault. What would the system do without us eh We are Fabby !    


Us - our LO had his first big fall at the soft play. He hit the socket of his eye on the basin of the shoot. He was screaming and my heart was racing!!!!! Thankfully I was there with good friends who asked for a cold compress and one of the girls went out for Arnica (good for bruising). Girls I felt like crying (bawling) never mind our LO. It highlighted to me how very special he is.... Couldnt sleep that night just in case he has delayed concussion! DH thought i was mad! 


We are meeting with LO's FC on Saturday to catch up. SW department feel it is best for our LO to know FC haven't disappeared. I am a little apprehensive. I will be so hurt if he wants to go home with them...Life aint simple eh!!! Anyway apart from all that drama all is very well in our household. LO is simply gorgeous. He is becoming more and more confident and loving each day. He now hugs, kisses and blows you a kiss if your not close enough --- so, so cute. It's amazing! 


Okay Girls I had better go and get the washing out. Hope all of you are inching fwd on your journey. Each day is a step fwd!!


Mummy Noodles xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Noodles fall must have been terrible I would be just the same. Glad you're so settled lo sounds as cute as a button x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

Snapdragon, good to hear from you too. And nice to know lo is doing well and keeping you busy. The toddler group is something I would like to do when or should I say if we are approved this time. 10th September isn't far away for you. 

Frangipanni, big hugs to you, I am hoping to get those mummy feelings back too, I think after our last panel all was drained from me and I'm too afraid to feel like I did again for the moment 

Sq9, 18th September   
Newmum2b, 18th September   
Lynsbee, 18th September  

Hi to everyone else x

AFU, Well we are not long away from panel Friday 13th September. Really trying not to think about it too much as we are both prepared for the worst or at least we are telling ourselves that anyway.

xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

UL have everything crossed for you.  I am sure this will be your moment.  You have been so brave and strong to get to this point x x


----------



## Frangipanii

UL...you are in my thoughts and I am sending positivity your way!! I have much hope for you and I am feeling the obvious that they wouldnt waste your time again!!! The mummy feelings are back as yours will be and soon!!!! 

Three sleeps to mp panel and just messed up my baby books!!!! Crap!!!


----------



## gettina

I hate that you feel this way UL.    I've got everything crossed for mid Sept.

Wishing you the best with your tasks and MP Frangi - wow!

Good luck with Saturday Noodles - hope he absorbs it all fine.

hey all - hope everyone's moving forward 

gettina x


----------



## newmum

UL   Friday 13th is your day lovely x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

UL, thinking if you. Wishing you all the best for panel. Echo what the others have said, they wouldn't waste everyone's time. Stay positive xxx

How is everyone else doing? Panel dates looming for some of you....wishing you well with those x

AFU, munchkin has been with us 4.5 weeks and life is very different. I love her to bits but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. She is teething quite badly at the moment which has meant our placid, happy and smiley baby has temporarily become a crying, tantrum-filled baby who today threw her lunch everywhere including over her, me, the walls and almost over the cat. A lack of sleep combined with this led to both of us sobbing in the kitchen. Today just felt so hard, I think it has also been strange as I would have started back at work today after the summers hols so feeling a bit unsettled. that said, I couldn't love her anymore than I do and I feel so lucky and blessed to have her in our lives. I think today has just been a bit of a wobble x


----------



## gettina

Ah greenie, I'm imagining you covered in food and crying -it's making me smile, but sympathetically! 
Hope you both get some sleep tonight and a better day awaits tomorrow.
So glad to hear that life's good on the whole, even if not easy.
Well done - you are doing a sterling job.
Gettina x


----------



## peacelily

Big hugs Greenie - I feel your pain! DD has been placed 3 weeks and is cutting her 8th tooth, oh and DS started school yesterday   


Peacelily xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Much sympathies to you Greenie!!! I am sure I will have similar moments!!! 
And to you peace lily!!! Must be horrible to have a child in pain!! 
Matching panel tomorrow and to say we are nervous is an understatement!! I think if it was just a simple case then we would feel ok!! But its not because of the security issues! Fortunately we have the manager of the agency coming with us and is ready for a fight!! And he is on lots of government committees.  He says that we have to prepare for worst case scenario but he does think it will go our way on the basis that the issues would arise with any couple. However spoke to kids social workrr yesterday and although she thinks there will be some discussion she doesnt envisage problems!! Confusing!! 
But in twentyfour hours we will have set off down south so I am just going to gocus on that!! 
Love to you all x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

fran here's for hoping that the panel have common sense x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck Fran xxx


----------



## Sq9

Good luck fran  
UL not long to go for you now - thinking if you  
Hope everyone else is ok


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck fran, thinking of you xxxxx


----------



## gettina

for tomorrow Fran. 
Exciting times peace lily. You've been quiet about your dd being placed or so it feels - hope it's been and being a really positive time and despite teething that she is settling as ok as can be expected. Big few weeks for ds. Hope this week goes well for him and you all.
Gettina x


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks all. My folks just drove round to wish us luck on the way back from their romantic anniversary meal in the lake district. 48 years today!!! Mum had had one glass of wine and was tipsy and Dad looked too full. So theres mum tipsy talking too loud, dad laughing too loud and me in my dressing gown and slippers with a facemask on and my dads nice car on the drive with engine on and top down....what a state we must of looked. My husband just takes it in his stride now he knows us. A lovely distraction from a stressful day!
Will let you all know the outcome tomorrow afternoon!! Thanks for your support...as always you are wonderfulx x


----------



## Frangipanii

Recommended for approval without hesitation and we have permission to change both childrens names!!!we got three questions...lots of people at panel and it was hard going. But they say they couldn't be happier with the link!!! X x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing you're fabulous getting through it all x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely news fran, enjoy every minute xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Congratulations Fran!!!!

 I remember how I felt on MP day....enjoy it mummy of 2!!!!!


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Fran!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I've said it before and I'll say it again.... woooooohoooooo!!!!!!! Congratulations lovely Frangi


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Excellent news Fran - Congratulations   When do Intro's start?

It was 6 months yesterday that we met our Poppet for the first time   On one hand the time has flown by, but on the other hand I don't feel she was ever anywhere else. It's bizzare.

She turned 3yrs in July, I've been buying clothes size 4-5yrs today! WTF!! She needs to stop growing. She's changed so much in those 6 months it's unreal. 

We are all very happy here, sorry I don't post much anymore, I often read though and think of you all xx


----------



## newmum

for Fran, congratulations again x


----------



## Sq9

. Fantastic news fran - you are a mummy to 2 fabulous little ones xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations mummy fran. Yay so happy for you xxxxx


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news Fran


----------



## Flash123

Wooooohooooooo fanbloodytastic news fran. YOU ARE A MUMMY!!!!!!!! How good does that sound xxxx


----------



## gettina

So glad they made exactly the right decision Fran. Well done for today and all the thought and effort you've put into preparing for being a mummy to your two urchins. Omg how exciting! Congrats. X


----------



## skyblu

Fran, CONGRATULATIONS   

AFU, We are off to Spain tomorrow for a week, lo is all packed and has her own little suite case which is so sweet. She doesn't like noise, so how she is going to cope with flying, I don't know  Wish us luck 
The first 6 months has flown buy and like poppet's mummy has said, they change and grow so so quick.
Our papers have been submitted to court and are now waiting on a date. On a down side I have to have a hysterectomy and have been told there is a 80% of complications. They want to operate asap but have told them I am not prepared to do it until lo has been with us for at least another 6 months. She has never stayed overnight anywere without us since we have had her and think 6 months is to soon to leave her with my mum for a week. Even though she loves her nanny to bits I don't want to risk upsetting the apple cart because every thing has been going so well, so well we keep on waiting for something to go wrong 
Has anyone had to have an op after lo has been placed within 6 months.
I know I am doing the right thing for her but I am worried I am making things worse for myself.

Anyway good luck every one and have plenty of sleep Fran, your life is going to change so much in a few weeks. YOU ARE GOING TO BE A MUMMY. xxxx

Skyblu. xxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Fran - congratulations!! Enjoy this time and looking forward to meeting your urchins.

Skyblu - sorry go hear about your op. someone has went through this I think from memory. Does LO need to stay overnight somewhere, could your mum or someone else stay with you whilst you recover and LO keep her normal routine? 

X


----------



## newmum

Wow Poppets mammy and sky blu can't believe it's been 6 months since I was reading all about your introductions. Good to hear from you both, nice to hear how you are getting along x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Fran - Congratulations!!!!!!   


Poppets mammy and sky blu - 6 months in and going strong! Wow - can't believe it. I remember you were my inspiration.... 


We are nearly three months and it is STILL a magical feeling!!


Mummy Noodles xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Fran, that is amazing news.     I am so happy for you.


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations Fran!  
            
Thant's such wonderful news!   

Love Anj x


----------



## newmum

Well today was a milestone I visited MIL with SS's DH is away and I felt so good, my two SIL had their new borns there and my niece is pregnant. I had cuddles from my niece and newphew and looked at older nieces scans without an ounce of jealously or anything. Proud of myself I've come along way, gone have the days I couldn't visit or walk in the room and run upstairs and cry. Cant wait for my LO to be part of our family x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks all.......I am not sure I have quite got used to it yet but as I have only got 12 sleeps til I meet them I think I had best get used to it!!! Everyone has been lovely although all the neighbours know and it wasnt me that told them. Ho hum! 
We did have a car crash yesterday which unsettled us a little and I am a bit sore this morning but the people who caused the crash were worse off as there car was written off. He had only just passed his test. Terrible. 
Means we will have a rental for introductions which is annoying to say the least!! But never mind!!

Skyblu I do hope you figure out what to do. I have no advice I am afraid but plenty of love going your way!! So cute about the suitcase. Good luck with the noise!!

NM2B... that is brilliant.  Quite in awe of you for that. My friends wife has just had a baby and I dont feel anything negative. But until I see someone with a baby who knows but I suspect it will be great! X

Theres a thread on the parenting adopted children section about top tips...it is amazing. So so useful... read away or add to it if you are on the other side. 

Foster mother is annoying me already. She never says anything nice or positive. I can tell 10+ days with her is going to test all my patience!!! Grit my teeth time coming up!!! 

Love to all!!!!! 

Ps Mummy Noodles love the fact that you call it magical!!!! Xxxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, just a quick one whilst munchkin is asleep. We survived our first mother and baby group!!!!! I was so stupidly nervous that I nearly didn't go. It was a massive group and at times a little too much for munchkin who clung to me for dear life and had quite a few tears. She was in her element with the musical instruments and glittery things though we are going to g back and hopefully make some friends. All my fellow teacher friends are now back at work so this last week has been a bit strange as been feeling a bit lonely so relying on my mum quite a lot but both she and munchkin adore each other. Have got us booked in to see friends most days this week, she's always happier when we are busy and out and about. 

A card and present was delivered by SW from BM which threw us a bit as birthday was a month ago. It was very appropriate though so we have given her the toy to play with and out the card in her memory box.

Anyway, keep the good news coming and hang in there because I can honestly say, hand on heart this is the best thing we have ever done and we love our little munchkin more than we ever thought possible. Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Greenie I am so glad you are doing so well your munchkin sounds wonderful x x


----------



## newmum

Greenie well done on your milestone


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone!! What lovely inspiring posts from all the forever mummies   They are invaluable so thank you for sharing   We are at matching panel on Thursday so hopeful will be joining you all very soon


----------



## SummerTilly

All the very best for Thursday Lolly and what a lovely milestone Greenie!

Exciting times for everyone


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you SummerTilly   Feels very surreal knowing that if all goes well Thursday we will be meeting our baby girl next week


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo X-lolly x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Yay little pink will soon be home where she belongs x x


----------



## snapdragon

Adoption order granted today. Hearing was at 10 and sw only just phoned. Feel quire emotional and having some bubbly tonight.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

That's amazing news snapdragon. Congratulations to you and your family xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad Snapdragon amazing news I love a story with a happy ending   x xx


----------



## Sq9

Amazing news. Enjoy your celebrations


----------



## oliver222

lovely news Snapdragon, congrats


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations snap dragon!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Brilliant news snapdragon, enjoy that fizz, very much deserved


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations Snapdragon 😃🎉🎈🎊 enjoy the bubbly xx

We've got our celebration day at the end of Oct - Eeeeeeek can't wait 😁 xx


----------



## SummerTilly

Congratulations Snapdragon - it's always lovely to hear happy news!

Enjoy your celebrations and many more to come x


----------



## snapdragon

Summer Tilly congratulations on your link


----------



## newmum

Snap dragon how amazing and congrats on your link Tilly x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone

I've just been looking into what 3year olds should be learning - as you do  

Well I'm sure we all know that 3yr olds get 15hours free child care. However I've just read on www.education.gov.uk/childrenandyoungpeople that from Sept 2013 all 2year olds that have looked after status will also be eligible and from Sept 2014 that will also include previously looked after children. 

I'm sure that's very useful for some of you to know and thought I'd share  

Xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,


Fran, Congrats that's amazing news, not long to go now before you meet your little ones, i feel the butterflys for you   

Snapdragon, that's great news for you and I'm sure that is so good to feel knowing all the legal part is over too..  

AFU, Well tomorrow is our panel at 10:30am        
Since our rejection in may and trying to come to terms with what happened we have felt more negative than positive about adoption which everyone says under the circumstances is understandable. We have felt no nerves and not much more either for tomorrow that is until now! Our sw was going to speak to the adoption agency manager today and let us know if there were any concerns but i have emailed our sw she has just got back to me and hasn't heard from the manager, so we have no idea about tomorrow if there are concerns from the chair at panel or not. It is too late for me to contact the manager now so even though our sw has said not to read anything into it i literally now feel sick with worry and the nerves have kicked in   

We keep trying to convince ourselves that we will get an approval this time however after an outright rejection in may who is to say that wont happen again. I could cry right now   xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

UL will have everything crossed for you x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh UL, wishing you all the very best for tomorrow, really hoping this is your time now. Goodness knows you deserve this so much


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Today we got told we are the best match to be mummy and daddy to the most beautiful baby girl. Our 10 month old little pink will now have seen our faces and heard our voices. We meet her next Friday and couldn't be happier


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats lolly.

UL, have everything crossed for you. Stay strong lovely lady x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lolly - Congratulations, amazing news, bet you can't wait for next week  

UL - I've been thinking of you as the date for your panel stuck in my head. Wishing you all the luck in the world, lets hope common sense prevails this time    

Xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thinking of you ul. 
Good luck for tomorrow. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## badger23

UL i have followed your story, you deserve a big fat YES tomorrow, wishing you all the luck in the world   xx


congratulations Lolly  

Badger xx


----------



## snapdragon

UL good luck tomorrow


----------



## Sq9

UL. Have everything crossed for you tomorrow xx

 massive congrats lolly    

6 more sleeps for us


----------



## newmum

Good luck UL you so deserve this yes 

Sq9 snap 6 more sleeps for us


----------



## gettina

Also popped on to say good luck to ul.
 for you. Sense is surely going to prevail. But I would be feeling ill with nerves too so sending love.


----------



## oliver222

Congrats lolly 

Good Luck for tomorrow UL


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all hope everyone ok. Sorry no masses of personals. Need five to sit down read and catch up. But remembered it was ULs panel so simply had to post and wish all the very best of luck to you hun. Xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Completely thinking of you UL! I am sure that it will go great!!!!!! Our wedding anniversary today so I know its going to be good!!! 13 years married!! Let us all know. Much much love to you x x x


----------



## daisy0609

Good luck UL fingers and toes are crossed for you x


----------



## Flash123

Looking forward to hearing your good news Ul - good luck xxx


----------



## Starmaker73

Fingers crossed for you UL.


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,


Just thought you all deserved to know our amazing news, we got a unanimous approval from panel. So so happy.....Thank you all for your support which I am sure will continue and work both ways.. going to celebrate, i may even have a rare hangover tomorrow 

An Amazing feeling that just doesn't seem real, but it is at long last        


Love from myself and dh xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Oh my now I am going to cry!!!!! Congratulations UL. I am so pleased and overjoyed for you!!!!! FINALLY!!!!

Afm
Seven sleeps til I meet my babies!!!! Had lots of text off foster carer! Our daughter loves her new toy and wanted to take it to nursery and has been showing everyone the introduction books. She is very excited!!! We feel on a different planet today!! It is all abit surreal and weird and oh my gosh I cant believe it!!!!!!!!!
Cant believe concentrate on anything, hubby and mum been in tears today. We are celebrating 13 years of marriage today!!! And its been sooooo special I could jump and do a heal click! In fact I am going to my field now to put my chickens, ducks and geese away in my pjamas so may well do that!
Much love and happiness bubbles to you all!!


----------



## Sq9

CONGRATULATIONS UL. I've been thinking of you all day. So pleased you've got the result you deserve. Enjoy your celebrations and hangover tomorrow! Amazing news  
Not long to go now fran and lolly.
Happy weekend everyone


----------



## snapdragon

UL fantastic news, so happy for you. Let's hope they get you a quick match and I might even see you at the toddler gp before lo starts nursery next  Easter.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulation UL. That big fat YES is so deserved and couldn't happen to a nicer, more resilient and well-deserving couple. Enjoy the celebrations....you have earned them. So so happy for you, I could cry xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo congratulations ul xxxxx


----------



## newmum

UL amazing news, enjoy your night   

Frangipan 13 years congratulations x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

UL - A huge congratulations, it was the only acceptable outcome after what they've put you through, so pleased they saw sense. I can't imagine how you have been feeling since May panel but you seemed to have dealt with the situation in a calm and respectable manor. Well done to you and DH. The right LO/LO's will make themselves know to you soon enough and the delay will suddenly make sense and of been worth it. Enjoy your celebration you deserve it  

Fran - congratulation on your 13th wedding anniversary. You sound like your on cloud 9. Would love to know how you fit your chickens, ducks and geese into your Pajamas    

Xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

UL - well done    ! So pleased to hear your news! Your journey has been harder than most.   
Wishing you and DH a speedy match.   

Much love,Noodles xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!! UL many many many congratulations!!!              You go and celebrate girl, my goodness you deserve it. Pass my love to hubby too. You did it


----------



## GERTIE179

Just wanted to wish UL a massive congratulations to you and Mr UL. Hope the hangovers not too rough ;-)
X


----------



## Dreams do come true

UL   Congratulations!!!! So pleased for you x

Fran. I can feel your happiness and excitement from that post, bought a tear to my eyes.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased UL that's made my weekend x x


----------



## Flash123

Wooohooooo ul - have a fab weekend celebrating the only sensible and RIGHT decision thy could have made - well done xx


----------



## Ourturn

Congratulations UL!                                                                 


I'm still lurking. Adoption doesn't seem real yet as we've had so many delays. Only just starting HS after finishing prep in May


----------



## Jules11

Unconditional love,

So, so many congratulations.  You have faced the horror of adoption panel and won,  well done.  We were deferred at panel and after a big fight now have our gorgeous LO with us.  We were told our deferral was due to Ofsted being present  

You now just have to wait for your child to be home with you, it will come and it will be worth the fight.  

A toast to you and yours,  there is a LO out there who will have a better life because you are a fighter.  

jules xxx


----------



## gettina

Had to log on ul! Phew phew phew. Said a little prayer for you this morning and so so pleased you got the right result. Hope you and dh enjoyed your celebration this evening. 

Especially lovely post Jules. Always great to hear about little ones being worth the wait;fight etc x

Congrats to you to Fran - what amazing messages to hear on such a special day. 

Afm, our sw rang to say we are now ratified and and after a relatively cr*ppy week at work I've just had such a nice evening with a couple of old girlfriends. we don't get together often and there was laughter and tears, lots of problems shared, husbands pulled apart, and appreciated, and support for me and my excitement and fears about adoption. I feel like I've had my rather depleted emotional reserves topped up. No real reason for typing that. It's just nice to appreciate the good things isn't it. 
Now v tired and off to bed...Happy, thanks to your news ul! 

Gettina


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds just what the Dr ordered Gettina glad you had a lovely evening x x


----------



## badger23

Congratulations UL, I think it has made all our weekends hearing your news    
So so happy for you both 
Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Woop UL huge congrats. As other girls have said well deserved  the future is bright!!!! Snap dragon and lolly excellent news! Ah Fran not long to go you sound so excited! Things certainly speeding up on planet adoption. Greenie loved catching up on your post. Hi to everyone else sorry no more personals just so much to read and catch up on. 

AFU we are on second week of prep this week. Enjoying it and looking forward to Day 2. Got homework to do already so that's tomorrow's task! 

Huge hugs to everyone on here xxxx


----------



## oliver222

Fantastic news UL. Really pleased for you


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

DH and I have our first home visit tomorrow. My tummy is in knots! 

I hope to ask questions regarding assessment process and when we should expect to start. Any tips or advice would be greatfully recieved lol xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Have you been allocated a SW yet AD? I'm not quite sure whether this is just you're follow up to prep or whether its the 1st HS meeting. Good luck whichever one it is. . Either way it will be a pretty relaxed meeting so try not to worry.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

This is the initial visit after prep group etc. I'm really hoping we get allocated within 6 weeks. I just want to get HS underway. I really hope tomorrow goes ok and they are happy to take us forward xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Key thing is be yourselves. Have to date a list of important dates so when you are put on the spot there are not long pauses. Kind of questions you need to consider are 'why adoption?' Which sounds a daft one but here they are looking to see what drives the decision. Look on it as an informal chat about your lives. Be prepared to be as open as poss and it will go swimmingly. Most SW only drink water or so have experienced/been told but offering them tea/coffee and snacks can't hurt  xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Thank you Brummiemill, that's great advice. We already had a meeting with another LA and they accepted us (but we were not keen on them) we must have managed ok for them wanting to take us forward. I think I'm more nervous this time because this is the LA we def want (I also work for them). Yip I've stocked up on tea, coffee and biscuits lol x


----------



## Petite One

Hello folks.  Hello Brummiemill.

Question: We've not met our social worker yet, but from what I've read, people on here have put FF as 1 of their types of support.  Did your social worker ask you what your username was on FF? I'm happy to mention FF but don't want social worker to then be reading what I've written.


----------



## Sq9

Hello petite one.  We put ff down as part of our support network and sw didn't ask for any details other than how I found it helpful.  Good luck with your journey.

3 more sleeps for us until approval panel.  I'm going from calm to complete panic mode   We've been away for the weekend with hubby's family which has been just what we needed, but sil insisted on buying us a present for lo.  It is a beautiful book for baby's first year so we can use it to record their first year with us - I'm not going to look at it until after Wednesday, not that I'm terrified she has jinxed us or anything!!

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I put adoption forums rather than specific name of ff not for any reason really.  Perhaps you could do that xxx


----------



## gettina

Hi petite one, yes, just refer to adoption forums - they wouldn't dream of asking your user name, don't worry!


----------



## Petite One

Thanks Sq9, DIY Diva and Gettina.   It's just that I read they want to know everything about future adopters that I worry they'll ask me. I just think some things are private and besides they'll be things I want to discuss on here that'll be about them!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

4 hours later and our 1st SW home visit was finished. Drained and exhausted but what a positive experience. The SW was just lovely and spoke us through the process in detail. Lots of questions to answer and lots of in depth discussions took place. The end result is that we are progressing to the next stage and the relevant paperwork will be sent out to us. So relieved.  The thought is scarier than the actual meeting lol. Home study here we come!!!!


----------



## newmum

Good luck adoption dreams enjoy your journey x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Thank you 😄😄


----------



## Starmaker73

Yay AD, so glad it all went well.  Fingers crossed your HS starts soon.  Did they give you any indication when it might be?  All these long meetings surprise me because i've had 4 different SWs in my house already and none of them have stayed longer than 90 mins.  Yikes! Was it something I said??


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Starmaker I keep forgetting are you with Glasgow? I couldn't believe we spoke that length of time - we hit it off straight away and got lots covered. I'm hoping we can start soon, need to wait until she contacts me again x


----------



## skyblu

CONGRATULATIONS UL, so very happy for you and your DH. Hope you had a great time celebrating and not too much of a hangover. 

Not long now Fran. 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Starmaker73

AdoptionDreams said:


> Starmaker I keep forgetting are you with Glasgow?


Nope, East Dunbartonshire.


----------



## Frangipanii

Three sleeps til I meet my urchins and lolly meets her baby girl!!! 
I am so completely excited. This is what dreams are made of!!! Omg terrifying and thrilling and oh wow!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

3 sleeps sounds a very little amount of sleeps....


----------



## oliver222

How exciting for both of you.


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi All,

Has anyone heard from Gwyneth27? She's normally on regularly and noticed she's not posted in a while?
X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Name change... she is our very lovely DIY Diva now


----------



## GERTIE179

Ahh that makes more sense as thought we had a newbie x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

She will appreciate you missing her


----------



## newmum

Wow loll you're so good at keeping up to date with everything


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Heehee   she is my super lovely friend, she came to my house on Saturday and surprised me with little pink presents


----------



## newmum

Aw that's why   how lovely having a friend so close going through the same x


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww hi DIY Diva :-D x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

We met on here, another reason I love this site


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi all 
Sorry for the confusion with things getting nearer I decided to have a less personally identifiable name.  Really appreciate people asking after me.  Me and lolly are PAR friends both our SW wrote about the other in our PAR.  It's a unique friendship so special most of the world doesn't know what it means lol x x


----------



## newmum

How wonderful DIY Diva what a special friendships x


----------



## GERTIE179

Very special & unique. Not long now for you diva til panel, hopefully you won't have to wait too long for your own LOs
X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww!!


----------



## newmum

It's a big fat yes I am a Mummy to a beautiful girl

X x


----------



## Starmaker73

Newmum thats brilliant news.   I love reading about all these successful approval and matching panels, it lets me see the light at the end of the long tunnel.


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations newmum  .

We got a big fat yes at approval panel!! I have never been so nervous in my life but all over quite quickly.  SW went in first for about 20 minutes, we went in, they said we are going to recommend you, and then asked loads of questions   I was more panicked it happening that way because was worried if we said the wrong thing they would change their minds.  Anyway, all done and dusted. What a massive, massive relief.  We've been out for a lovely lunch, bought bubbles for tonight and now relaxing.  Thanks for all your support everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news SQ9 and newmum get the party started x x


----------



## newmum

Thank you everyone and congratulations sq9 it's a great feeling x


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations newmum and Sq9  
Lots of celebrating tonight!   

Anj x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow this forum never stops does it, there's always lots of good news, it's so positive  

Congratulations to Newmum and Sp9 well done, enjoy your celebrations 🍻🍷🎉

Xx


----------



## oliver222

Congrats, so much lovely news at moment.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow, 3 big yes's today, two mummies to be and one mummy, congratulations lovely ladies


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations!! Sq9 brilliant news mummy to be!!


----------



## Sq9

Thanks everyone. Still can't believe it but bubbles are helping  

Not long til you meet your babies fran and lolly. Very exciting and completing mind blowing


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I LOVE this forum!!! #happy #positive


----------



## newmum

Bubbles flowing here also x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I have bubbles too!! Unfortunately for the drinker in me they are in a giant wand ready for blowing in little pinks direction. Luckily for the mummy in me this is just perfect  

Enjoy the celebrations ladies


----------



## skyblu

Congrats newmum and Sq9. May the bubbles flow 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

You are all so so lovely your kind words made me cry with happiness.....   

A huge thank you for all your support, i think I'm over my hangover now, i seriously can not drink anymore, i am so rubbish. Been treated so much by everyone especially dh, our approval is such a relief.

Planning the nursery now and going to go for neutral colors, i just cant wait to get started   

Fantastic news SQ9 and newmum i love all this great news..  

not long fran and lolly   


xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

unconditional love! Such exciting times ahead   time to update your signature I reckon


----------



## newmum

2 more sleeps till we meet little treasure   that's is all


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Eeeeeeek Newmum 😬 Very exciting!

Fran did Intro's start today for you?? I knew it wasn't many sleeps but then loss count   How's it going?? Xx


----------



## oliver222

Newmum how exciting. You are nearly there.


----------



## Frangipanii

Just very quickly cos I am shattered and poorly!!!! Day three of intros was yesterday and it was pretty awful. Little lady is struggling with having different mummies. However today was one of the best days of my life!!!!!! It was brilliant!!!! And wonderful and I love my children as complete individuals!!!! 
Love to everyone!!!! Xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ah Fran   it gets easier I promise. Don't know if you remember but Poppet struggled to accept me and was quite rejectful towards me at times in the early days. It broke my heart and I'd come home from intro's literally streaming with tears, I was distraught over it and holding it together while around her just drained me so much that I'd just fall apart as soon as I left. The exhaustion doesn't help either. Intro's are so hard. But as soon as she was home our relationship improved bit by bit. Within a week or two she had 'accepted me and we started to bond. Today she told me I was her best friend 😍 how lush is that. It will work, it just takes time and you seem to me to be a logical and patient person and no doubt you'll handle the situation sensitively for your little girl.
Saying all that glad to hear today was much better and such a positive experience - great news
Xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Yeah Poppets Mammy I remember! I did recall peoples experiences but it still hurt. However there has to be a point where you 'woman up'. We are using a narrative and also I am reassuring her. After today I can take it all. Its just a long process. Thanks for your reassurances though!!!! X x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Aw Fran hugs am sure it will all come good soon hugs xx lolly good luck with it all. New mum2b and Sq9 such good news  loving all these positive vibes. U L your success made my month  

I need some advice girlies. Have been estranged from my sister following her causing a family bust up 12 years ago. We don't have contact. Both of us living our desperate lives in our large town never bumping into each other. Will that be frowned on during HS. What do you think SS will say about it? Could it go against me? Sorry for the me comment xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Separate lives even stupid phone xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Brummiemill - SWs may want to know more but will depend on circumstances. My DH doesn't see his mum due to fall out many years ago and she took step dad side. We've reached out few times and mean no malice but his mum can be difficult. SW was happy with reasons and how we feel.
As with most things it depends how you explain it and how you feel re family etc
Hope this helps
X


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Gertie  yes that makes sense. My grandmother insisted my sister ignored me, my brother, father and my Dads side but I still get on with my Mums sister. So I guess will just explain that and the fact we mean each other no malice we just get on with our lives seperately and perfectly merrily xx


----------



## newmum

Well today we met our daughter  

😃 We had a great morning meeting she's gorgeous and very nosey, not shy at all a real character 
She's quite small bless but also long! She's very strong though and because of her size you forget her age sometimes. We went back this afternoon and played more it's been great getting to know LO

FC are also very nice and helpful

Travelling back now, good and early night for us x


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww I'm so glad you had a nice day with your precious girl new mum x


----------



## Sq9

Sounds fab newmum


----------



## gettina

oh how lovely newmum - hope it continues to be wonderful. She sounds full of fun.

Brummiemill - I'm v glad your life is separate, not desperate! My advice is don't be too keen to brush your sister issue aside and make out all is well (even if it largely is, in fact) - we were surprised at the degree to which our SW did  not want everything to be rosy - she wanted to know we could deal with difficult emotional problems and recognise them as such. In fact anything to do with loss and coping with loss was positively embraced - so there may be a silver lining here for you.

hey all - hope people are keeping well. 
Not a lot to report at my end...doing  a little light buggy research now and again.
gettina x


----------



## newmum

Well today is day 2 of intros and as much as I love getting to know LO I'm finding it difficult because I just want her home

The FC's are lovely, they have other children in the house which at times is hard when I want to concentrate on LO

Today we've played and fed her dinner even though we are only supposed to be observing  

Going back this afternoon for more play time and whatever else the afternoon brings
 
X


----------



## newmum

Day 2 update

I just want LO home and can't wait for intros to end. FC are great and very helpful and kind. We feel a bit on edge as we are not in our own home and I get nervous and quiet at times not knowing if I am doing the right thing for LO? Shall we play? Does she want to be left alone, nappy change, food etc etc 

FC said I was perfect for LO   wow my heart skipped a beat    

We came back with toys and stuff for LO she's a lucky girl


Anyway roll on tomorrow can't wait


----------



## bluebabe

New mum, I was the same during intros and it got harder cos my older ds said why can't he sleep in his new bed? Bless him xx it won't be long now until she is home for good xx


----------



## newmum

Thanks blue babe



Day 3 today of intros and had a lovely day. Started by given LO breakfast then went for a walk, got back did some dinner then we went and came back and did tea, bath and bed

It's so great getting to know LO more and more, she is just gorgeous  

DH is besotted also   which is so heart wArming to see x


----------



## newmum

Just popping on with an update for all those forever mummy waiting got intros, I use to and still do love reading everyone's journey especially intros do thought you would like the 

Day 4 intros today, we have had a great day We have had a great day out in the push chair walking and going to play, we spent all day with LO today from doing breakfast, dinner, tea, bath and bed. She's just a treasure our little treasure. Roll on tomorrow and a step closer to bringing her home. LO loved playing with DH it's great to watch and she even gave me a little cuddle and it melted my heart, I had to sneakily brush the tears away x ps hAppy tears of course c


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks for updates sounds like everything is going perfectly x x


----------



## gettina

Sounds wonderful newmum x


----------



## Petite One

Hello folks.

Hope you're all doing well. 

Did any of you have a preference for a boy or a girl? If so can I ask what reasons you gave social worker? We're still in stage 1 but we are meeting our social worker soon and I don't know what to say when asked.


----------



## newmum

Petite one we  didn't have to give a defo answer until SW was finding a link for us. I know some people say one and then end up with the other  

We said both to start with I guess we didn't want to limit our chooses   when SW spoke to us about a little boy we knew then we wanted a girl. DH also already had two boys do a girl is perfect choice for us   talking of which must go   on the road to see her  

Fab day yesterday LO came to her new home and met her brothers, she seemed happy to be hear and wad a delight to be with. mummy and LO went for our first girlie walk and shop together it was lovely  

We can't wait to bring LO home, fingers crossed 2 more sleeps


----------



## Primmer

Newmum - not long till your lo will be home with you. Enjoy your day.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Petit one, 

I would say stay / say you are open minded for now because if you state a gender preference at this point (without a really practical reason) SW will probably be fine but  will make a big deal out of it / discus it to death / make it into something it isn't. We went in totally open minded. Having been shown a profile of 2 boys and gone to an activity day DH has said he definitely wants at least one girl. We have fed this back to SW and she said that's fine as we look at profiles feelings like this are likely to surface and that if we ultimately decide we want 2 girls or one of each etc that is fine she will narrow the search appropriately. 

However I know Lolly's DF was very sure he wanted a boy but when profiles came they fell in love with a little pink who is now safe and home. I would say wait till you see profiles for stating preferences unless there is a very practical reason that they are likely to raise with you.


----------



## newmum

Yesterday and today we took LO home she  seems more settled each day discovering new things in the house, Today we put her down on the cot for an afternoon nap, after some screams she settled and slept for an hour. 

We are getting to see more of LO personality day by day which is great, she loves silly messing around and we reckon she's going to have a bit of a temper on her. She's so funny  

Meeting tomorrow! Fingers crossed x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic newmum enjoy every second x x x


----------



## Handstitchedmum

I lovelovelove hearing about all the new placements and matches. Thank you for sharing ladies. It really does help to know we aren't the first or only ppl to tread this path.


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I just had to share, I'm fuming at the idiocy of SS!

We went for an apptmt with the Adoption Doc, BB was due for his check up but after waiting for half an hours to be seen (DH took a day off, he's self employed so we were not happy) turns out they told us the wrong day!  We were there on the Monday but ought to have been there on the Tuesday!  Anyway, that's not the worst of it.

We couldn't make the Tuesday apptmt at such short notice so we asked them to rearrange.  I just spoke to BB's FC and mentioned the confusion and she said.. 'hang on, I was there on that day, the Tuesday'...      She checked and lo and behold she was booked in with another child in her care the same day as us, 45 minutes apart, so we would probably have met her coming in as we came out!!!  2 months into placement and SS put us in a position where we would have met our son's FC completely out of the blue with no preparation at all.  To say we were both fuming as actually an understatement.  

Who else could we accidentally meet in the waiting room??    

Sorry for the rant, but I am so pee'd off, they really don't take enough care over these things do they?

While we chatted she also told me that 2 of her kids have to go to contact meetings at the same time, one is getting picked up but the other chaperone has fallen through so FC has to walk the other child to it's meeting, in the same place, at the same time, but SS can't arrange for both kids to be taken in the same car because they come under different departments!!   

It makes me shudder.  

On a positive note, it really is lovely to see all your wonderful news, I keep up with most of the threads when I can.  BB is doing so well, apart from playing up his daddy every night     he's a charm. He sleeps through 12 hours nearly every night, has 1.5-2 hours nap each lunch time and plays beautifully.  I think I'm falling in love.  It's been 3 months yesterday and it's been a slow burn, but that's me all over.  Now it's starting to happen and when I get kisses and snuggles I melt.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Katie I am glad everything is going so well with BB. Also really sorry about SS and the Dr's can't believe so little thought is put into these things. Thank you for sharing because at least we can all be aware of these things even if SS aren't.


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww MAK - couldn't organise a raffle eh? I'm not sure this would be the last of these kind of things. Hope you now feel but better. Glad you have a good relationship with FC to manage around BB. X


----------



## newmum

Just a quickie to say little treasure comes home for good tomorrow x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Brilliant news new mum 

Fran - think Los came home for good today? Hope all is going well as you hope.
X


----------



## Sq9

Lots of fab news on her at the moment.  Sorry to hear how pants SS have been MAK.
Take care everyone


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi lovelies.
Thanks Gertie. 
Today was day 12 of introductions and the final day! This is their third night here as staying at night was brought forward. We are both dying of exhaustion. Hubby was put through his paces yesterday as I had/have a tummy bug which laid me up for twenty four hours. He had to do everything!!!!! He did a great job!!!
Today was hard.....goodbye to foster mum meant both kids have been upset and a bit weird! I cried and I dont even like her!! She really tried to mess the last section of introductions up for us, including being two hours late bringing them to our house because they wanted a family gathering-which they lied about, cutting my sons hair when I had said I didnt want it cutting and really majorly not being nice to my daughter and spoiling my son whicb means we have a lot of self esteem issues and discipline issues before we ever reach being able to deal with the truama of their history. We are in love totally...but today has been awful! Just dont know enough to know whether we are doing the right things. What I do know is I need rest and clarity and just for us to learn to be together as a family! 
Sorry for me post. 
love to all.
ps love the journey x


----------



## GERTIE179

Fran - don't feel bad as sounds like you have your hands full. Tiredness makes everything worse. Here's hoping you get some zzz's in the Fran house ready for tomo. You will work things out and no parent is perfect from day 1 so go easy on yourselves and if in doubt you know where folks are who walked in your shoes. X
Ps give yourselves a pat for surviving 12 days of intros with 2 LOs and a FC causing difficulties. Well done!


----------



## newmum

Hear hear Gertie well done Fran


----------



## skyblu

Fran    You are doing a great job. Tiredness is a pain but you all get into a routine soon and things will look a lot better. When I read back in my diary and how tired we all were I can't believe how far we come. You will get there.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Nicola30

Hi everyone,
New to this - I generally stick to the "moving on" areas of FF. Went on holiday last week and after a bit of chatting DH decided adoption might be for us (yayyyy!!). Contacted LA 23/09 to see about attending info session 05/10, permanency manager came to see us last night with all info and initial application of interest, sent off today, SW called to say we can get on prep course next week (argh!)
Just had further chats with DH and we feel we can't go rushing so fast - only decided to do this 2 weeks ago and as we have no holidays left at work he would have to take unpaid leave. SW said we can go on next course in Jan which seems forever away but is more realistic. My feet can't touch the ground, I am so excited, nervous, apprehensive, frightened and giddy with the thought I might finally get to be a Mammy!
Anyway, just wanted to share... Found this page really informative in the last few days to see what stage in the process everyone is.
Good luck everyone 
X


----------



## Dreams do come true

Welcome Nicola! It's great that you have decided adoption is for you, my dh wasn't sure in the beginning but prep totally reassured him and we wouldn't change anything we have done, we have two perfect babies 

Fran - congratulations you're through intros, your life as a family can now begin. Put intros and FC behind you and start focussing on the future, it's all about you, your dh and your little urchins now  Have faith in yourself, instinct will kick in and you will learn how to be the most wonderful mummy to YOUR children, I believe alot of it is trial and error, 5 months in for us and I think we've cracked it, we know what works and what doesn't for our children now. It may take time but with your love and preserverence you will get there.


----------



## newmum

Welcome Nicola and good luck with your journey, my DH was a bit weary of the whole process and is this the right thing to do but I can honestly say he would say it's the best thing he's ever done! Well after marrying me and having his two boys lol 

Yeah LO is home  

Emotional pick up, so sad for FC they love her soooo much

We've been home now for a few hours and LO had had porridge and played and is now having a morning nap. She had an afternoon nap in her cot here in intros so fingers crossed is getting use to her new cot. She tends to scream a lot for 5-10 mins we go in and reassure once or twice then leave and she settles. Mummy and daddy watch the baby monitor very closely then till little treasure wakes or go up when it's time to wake up so she sees us when she wakes  

Things are going really well fingers crossed they stay this well, I kept expecting something to go wrong

X x


----------



## Petite One

Thanks for the advice DIY Diva and newmum. 

You must feel on cloud nine at the moment newmum and frangipanii if somewhat exhausted.

Hope everyone else is ok.



DIY Diva said:


> Hi Petit one,
> 
> I would say stay / say you are open minded for now because if you state a gender preference at this point (without a really practical reason) SW will probably be fine but will make a big deal out of it / discus it to death / make it into something it isn't. We went in totally open minded. Having been shown a profile of 2 boys and gone to an activity day DH has said he definitely wants at least one girl. We have fed this back to SW and she said that's fine as we look at profiles feelings like this are likely to surface and that if we ultimately decide we want 2 girls or one of each etc that is fine she will narrow the search appropriately.
> 
> However I know Lolly's DF was very sure he wanted a boy but when profiles came they fell in love with a little pink who is now safe and home. I would say wait till you see profiles for stating preferences unless there is a very practical reason that they are likely to raise with you.


----------



## Nicola30

It's so exciting!
Feel like I have just joined a new and exclusive club...


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

You certainly have Nicola!! And we are very happy to have you


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Welcome Nicola 😄😄😄 xx


----------



## Sq9

Welcome Nicola


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone

I wrote a long post last week which seems to of dissapeared  

Hope your all well, will try and keep it short and sweet.

Hello and welcome to new comers

Congratulations to Newmum and Fran on having their little ones home, well done on surviving intro's (especially Fran) it's a hard slog as I recall.

We got our Adoption Order through last week, celebration hearing is next month. We had prepared Poppet for the change in name and when SW rang to give us the good news she started dancing around singing "Yeah I've got my **Surname**" very cute. 
She's got a poorly tummy tonight and has had pooping accidents at nursery this afternoon, apparently her and another little girl were both having pooping issues so they've obviously got a bug. Bless her she will of been mortified that it happened, felt so sad for her when we went to pick her up. Thankfully pooping aside she's totally fine, a little needy (which is nice though) but not unduly unwell. Hoping that's the end of it and it doesn't continue into the night   I have to say while I was scrubbing poopey knickers and trousers tonight I had a 'Yep, I'm Deff a Mammy' moment   sorry for the TMI but had to share. 

Xx


----------



## skyblu

Welcome Nicola 

Poppets mummy, congrats on the adoption order and sorry for the poopy knickers but as you said you are now 100% a mummy  We sent in our forms over a month ago and still not heard anything, how long did it take for your news come through?
When I asked about this a fortnight ago, the papers hadn't even been submitted because lo sw was off on holiday someone else was off sick that was supposed to sign something, all I know our SW and ourselves have done our part and just seem to be waiting for everyone else to pull their socks up, grrrrrh SS.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Skyblu our court date was 6 weeks after the papers were submitted to the court, much quicker than expected, though it did take the sw's months to put the papers in. We heard 3 weeks after they went in. I think it can vary a lot according to the court and how busy they are.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - from what I gather different SW/LA's do things differently. Our SW did his part and ours, he brought us the completed forms once he knew Poppets SW had done hers. All we literally had to do was sign them and hand them into the courts and he forwarded on both his and Poppets SW's stuff once we submitted ours. We got acknowledgment of our application from the courts within a week. We got the actual court dates in about a month or so. I think we were aided greatly by our SW doing the forms for us and co-ordinating the application. Plus Poppets SW was going on maternity leave so she had to complete her forms before she left work.
There's a couple I know through our agency who have got 2 LO's placed with them and all their SW has done was to provide the forms. They've had to fill in all 8 forms themselves (4 per child) without any guidance and are struggle to get in contact with the childrens SW to ensure they've done their part, so basically it's not moving quickly for them either. Total nightmare. 
I have to say, it's lovely to be all official and all but it's not much different really. I do like that she's got our name now but that's all that's changed. Good luck in chasing it up xx


----------



## Flash123

New mum, fran and lolly - have loved reading about your intros and brining lo's home. Sorry some of them were rather tough going. It has brought back so many memories and I can't believe it was 4 months ago already for us.  It really does fly by so make the most of these precious moments mummies. 

Hello to all newbies and good luck

Well it's been a fab last month. Lo celebrated his 1st birthday which was just amazing. We had a family gathering and it took so much resolve not to cry throughout the day. I kept standing back, looking at the love on everyone's faces thinking "this is all for OUR son' . Quite surreal. He enjoyed every moment. He is such an attention seeker and he was in his element. He was spoilt rotten bless him. He took hs first steps last week and this week had his injections (but he was a little soldier) he has has 10 teeth already and his big back ones are coming through and causing him a bit of trouble. He has developed such a personality, he's wicked and so funny. Although its tough some days, I'm in heaven being home with him...just the 2 of us. He was always cuddly when tired or hurt but lately he has started giving spontaneous hugs and kisses. He squeezes you so tight you feel you might burst and my heart totally melts. 
Paper work has gone into ss. Now we just wait for lo's sw to do her report and wait for the date. Can't bloody wait !!!! 

Take care everyone xx


----------



## Petite One

Flash 123 that must have been one exciting birthday on many levels.

skyblu - I hope things move quickly for you.

Question: Did anyone put a personal list of references together as done by Boggy in the resources area under 'Ideas for Home Study'? http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=229493.0 I really like the idea of friends and family
doing that. She'd asked them to state what good parents they'd be and how they'd support them. Is there anything else we could ask?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Unanimous yes at panel for us today.  Shattered but thrilled x x x


----------



## Petite One

Well done DIY Diva that is wonderful news.


----------



## Hunibunni

Big congrats to you DIY Diva x well done 

Xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Excellent news DIY Diva, congratulations and well done. I think that's the shortest HS and approval panel this forum has had. Brill news that things are moving quicker with the new system. Fingers crossed you start seeing profiles and get a match just as quick   Xx


----------



## Flash123

Woooohooooo diva fanblinkintastic news. Have. Fab night celebrating xxx


----------



## newmum

Congratulations DIY diva

Also congrats Poppets mammy.. Wow time flies I remember reading your intros x x


----------



## newmum

Hi guys just to say thank you for all your virtual support   I'm going to stay away from FF for a while and enjoy our time as a forever family.

LO is doing so well and I am feeling emotions I've never felt before   it's truly amazing  

Wish you all the happiness in the world and I will more than likely be back but for now I'm going to concentrate on our little family x x


----------



## skyblu

Well Done Diva, and ditto what Poppets Mummy said, very quick.
Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## skyblu

Newmum, Enjoy your family 
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## gettina

Woohoo DIY diva. That crept up on me - I thought they were always a Friday. Well done mrs and mr. Very exciting. What a feeling eh? Hope you've been enjoying yourselves. 

Hey all. Loving all the updates. Thanks for checking in mummies. It's so joyful reading about your happy moments- flash, skyblu, poppets mammy (or is that pooey's mammy) and ddct.

Welcome to the 'club' Nicola. Dead right not to rush- nice problem to have! Many of us had to wait ages to get started - hope it's a good sign that your la are on the ball. Stay in touch. 

Gettina


----------



## SummerTilly

Congratulations DIY Diva - let the matching begin  what age range have you been approved for? Exciting times and well done to your LA for moving so quickly xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thank you so much all. We have been our agencies guinea pig - as the chair said to us at panel for the new timescales and it has worked really well for me and DH. I had time as I work in a school over the summer break to do all things adoption 24 7 and it has been great for us. However one thing I said to panel when they asked us is that I though it was really important that time scales were adopter lead and if others wanted to take more time then the government time scales weren't forced on them - all agreed with this. 

I am afraid celebrations have been a bit rubbish - I was exhausted yesterday. I called my sister who lives abroad went to see my parents and then spent the day half asleep on their sofa, came home and got an early night   - so rock and roll I know. However that was fine by me. 

Luckily I don't do Fridays so can chill out today with the dog. Think everything is sinking in still feels very surreal. 

I would also like to say this forum has been my life line through the last horrific few years and any lurkers do start posting because everyone on the adoption pages are so wonderful and supportive. There is no way I could have flown through HS without having read all your experiences and thoughts so thank you so much ladies. 
x x


----------



## CKay

DIY Diva you've prompted me to post I am a lurker!!!  Congratulations too. 
AFU:  we are in the midst of the home study with approval panel date set for November.  We've also said we're open to concurrency, but no one really seems to know how that all works yet.  Things ticking away just the financial forms to do and a few health and safety bits (blind cords).  

So nice to read all the positive news, I am glad we left IVF behind it felt like a weight had been lifted!    all happy Friday


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad ckay sounds like your journey is going brilliantly November panel not long to go. Great to have you on board x x


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Another lurker here and glad Ckay you mentioned a weight off your shoulders from leaving IVF behind.

Had a nightmare session with the social worker this week. Basically at my individual home study where we talked about infertility and the road to adoption, she thinks that I haven't dealt with my emotions and it will all come out when a child is placed with us and the placement will break down! I tried to explain that i have and I don't let things effect me like that and adoption has given me a new focus. I think it is just because she doesn't know me and how I cope with things and perhaps I didn't express myself properly. I have dealt with the fact that I will never be pregnant and it was a relief off my back when we finished the IVF, but she still thinks I am heading for an emotional breakdown...! Anyway she is bringing her boss to our next session, as she thinks that her boss may ask the right questions to get more out of me, but the fact is I am not going to change and just because I don't fit into their tick boxes, doesn't mean I will be a bad parent...

Anyway rant over, hope everyone is doing ok....

Ali


----------



## Unconditional-love

Lolly, I shall update my signature, I didn’t realise.   


New mum, how wonderful to meet your little girl, I am loving your journey?   


Fran, loving your journey too, you seem to have had a tough time but don’t beat yourself up about it, this process really does test us. FC sounds horrid.  


Gettina, where are you at, have you decorated the nursery and bought everything?   


Nicola, welcome and here is to your journey, this forum is amazing it may be advice or help you’re after or just somewhere to just vent then this is the place for you.   


Poppets, congrats on the adoption order…I hope your little one is well now.   


Flash, your little boys birthday sounds just perfect I can imagine how you felt wanting to cry with complete happiness. Sounds like he is coming along just perfectly and that’s all thanks to you and your family.  


DIY Diva, huge congrats   


Hi to everyone else I have missed and welcome newbies


AFU, Our family finder is away till mid-October, however the agency have been in touch and are placing a different SW with us till our family finder gets back as they are wanting to get things moving and have a few LO’s in mind for us already. So she is coming out today. So exiting that they are moving fast for us, not sure how long this step takes but it would be truly amazing to have LO home for xmas, maybe I’m just been too optimistic.
xxx


----------



## happypenguin

Hi CKay,

We are doing concurrency (recently approved) so if you have any questions just send me a PM


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love Great news they have lo's In mind already. We were matched September but couldn't get a panel date until December so we had intros 2nd January. You would need a panel date next month so could be pushing it but they must be keen if they are sending out a different sw.

We had our celebration day on Tuesday. Our sw couldn't make it as she is on holiday (ul thinking you might have same sw we had). Lo just ran around the court room and we tried to take photos of him and the judge but not much success. Had lovely afternoon with 2 friends we met at prep and their children. Our families are all a bit too far away.


----------



## Frangipanii

Just a quick one. 

Gwyneth....Congratulations. not that I was ever in doubt. It is wonderful to know that you are on the next section!! I am so happy for you. Sorry I have not been on and said it sooner. Love to you. 

Snapdragon. .so pleased to hear about your celebration day. That is brilliant. 

UL. That is amazing news and I am so excited to hear how it goes. 

ALIG1972..Dont panic. They need adopters and her boss will see her right. Ridiculous someone trying to xray your feelings when you are blatantly telling them how you feel. 

Flash...lovely post to read. Cant wait to be a bit further in. Your boy sounds lovely. Thanks for comment. Xx

Poppets Mammy congrst on adoption order!!! Wonderful news. 

Skyblu.hope u hear soon.

afm.....well to say it has been hard going would be an understatement.  My son is a knightmare. Adorable,  cute,  and loving at times and reminds us of father jack aka father ted series but he is a completely different child to what we had during introductions.  The poor thing is completely confused as to why his familiar carer is not here. Why he is not getting spoilt and comforted all day every day. Oh and the best bit he totally takes it out on me. I have been bitten, scratched, kicked and thumped, screamed at and hubby doesnt get any of it. Dont worry I understand all of the whys but it doesnt make it easier. And he wakes up sooooooo early. 
I find it hilarious that we were given sessions to prepar for her behavioural issues and she is the perfect child. Although we are of course suspicious about this and waiting. But she amazing and we are both getting on so well with her. 
We know this all takes time and patience. And we are in love with them both. They despite their issues match us or will when he has attached to us properly! !! 
Dont get time to come on here much but love to all of you on your journeys and thanks for support. .and thanks Arrows for your phone call. It really helped. 
Ps we are doing the when they sleep we sleep routine and I think for anyone going into this with two over one year old it may help to remember it. 
Xxx


----------



## Flash123

So lovely to hear from you fran. I can only imagine how tough it is for you all at the moment. Thank goodness you are sensible, rational people who can rationalise all your lo's are going through and understand why your little man is acting out. Plenty wouldn't, they're lucky to have you both. It will get easier but in the meantime be gentle to yourselves and eat, seep and drink .  When you can. Take care xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ali I am really sorry that your sw is being unsupportive.  I think despite dealing with people in our situation all the time some unfortunately have little understanding of it. My advice is say what it is she needs to hear to feel happy you have moved on.  Sometimes we just have to play the game when SW's are awkward.

Thank you fran I am thinking about you lots and I think you are doing amazing with your urchins. Xx x


----------



## GERTIE179

Nice to hear from you Fran and sending hugs as I remember this all so well. If you need to rang or ideas re this type if behaviour etc drop me a pm. One saving grace is hubby is going to be with you in all this you don't have the dread of when he goes back to work in a few weeks. This will be sooo good for you guys as well as the urchins take care at x


----------



## Sq9

Take care of yourselves fran.  Thank you for being so honest about what you are going through.  Your little urchins are 2 lucky little ones and I'm sure all your hard work will start to reep amazing rewards soon. 

We had visit from sw yesterday and to be honest, I kind of wish she hadn't bothered.  It was a very weird visit, she waffled a lot and talked about being very busy and going on holiday (her holiday) and things and we felt like we didn't get any new information and are no further forward other than we get the impression she is looking at a child above the age range she originally said ( 0 - 18mths). There were so many questions I wanted to ask her about what happens after we get a profile etc because it seems each la works differently, but the questions we did ask we got a politician's answer rather than a direct one so I just thought there was no point.   Hubby and I talked about it last night and following comments on another thread from yesterday I'm going to email sw and say we would like her to just look at under 12 months because that is what we have always said. I get the impression she will come to us when she has 1 lo in mind which is pretty much ready to go, rather than bringing us a few profiles to see which we prefer, so I don't want her to go a long way down the road with a lo older than we would like for us then to say we would prefer a younger age.  We know that by going for this age we will probably have to wait longer, but we are fine with that.  In the last few days the whole waiting part has felt a lot easier for some reason, I just felt utterly deflated yesterday when I realised she was looking for an older child.  It is so hard placing your complete trust that your sw will pick the right child for you - I thought we had a really good relationship with sw so I'm really hoping she was just having a bad day.  Sorry for the me rant, just feeling a bit deflated at the minute.
Happy weekend everyone


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone. I've posted on here a few times but I don't seem to get much response 😢 not sure if this is where I belong yet? Am I to early in the process for this thread? Don't worry I won't be offended just want to know where I am best to post. I'm feeling really positive with the process so far. We started this process on the 21st May and now we're waiting to be allocated our SW to start the home study. They advised me on Thursday that this might take 6-8 weeks. I've already waited 5 years so I'm sure a few extra weeks won't kill me.  I'm a really organised person and have completed a lot of the home study evidence already. I'm also reading lots of books. I'm hoping this will speed up the process and get us to panel a bit sooner. They suggest assessment can take between 4-6 months - I'm clinging to 4. I keep reminding myself that 'good things come to those who wait' this is the path we've been out on - for a reason. I truly believe it will all become clear when our little one walks through the door! 

Fran I have been following your journey, it's good to read your honest views. Many ppl try to cover up the difficult days but I think it's vital to be honest and open. I hope your LO settles down as his attachment builds. I'm sure he will. It's such a huge transition for them. I'm glad your keeping it all in perspective.

Hi to everyone else, I'm learning lots by reading your discussions x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Adoption dreams post wherever you wish all comments are always wanted.  However I know hand stiched mum has a thread called prep group October 2013 or similar which has a number of ladies at a similar stage to you.  Also if you have any specific questions then start your own thread. There are people at every stage on here and always happy to help.  Sometimes there is just so much to catch up on people can miss comments now and again but it's never intentional x x x


----------



## snapdragon

Fran: sounds tough. I remember the early days and lo was very hard work. One thing i've learnt is lo's go through many phases. we've had throwing things, hugh food issues, and hitting to name a few. I've found while i'm still worrying about how to handle it the behaviour stops. 

AdoptionDreams: this thread is for everyone.There are also some other threads for people at various phases. There might be one that applies to you otherwise you could start a new one. I still post occasionally and lo has been home 10 months. I hope you don't have to wait too long for a sw. The process does seem to involve a lot of wating at times. It took us 19 months from initial phonecall to lo coming home. 

Sq9: You are right to make sure your sw knows what you want. We were also only shown one profile at a time.We had to say no to the first two and our sw was then waiting for 2 older children, 4-5, to come through the system. we had to say we wanted a child at the lower end of our age range, 2.5-3. There were none coming through so she asked us to consider a lo who they had just started to look nationwide for, aged19 months at the time and 22 months when he came home.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

DIY Diva said:


> Adoption dreams post wherever you wish all comments are always wanted. However I know hand stiched mum has a thread called prep group October 2013 or similar which has a number of ladies at a similar stage to you. Also if you have any specific questions then start your own thread. There are people at every stage on here and always happy to help. Sometimes there is just so much to catch up on people can miss comments now and again but it's never intentional x x x


Thank you for replying. I completed prep in July so didn't think that group was suitable. I will just lurk around and post when I feel the need too. I just wanted to check that this thread was ok and wasn't mainly for after panel etc. x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

snapdragon said:


> Fran: sounds tough. I remember the early days and lo was very hard work. One thing i've learnt is lo's go through many phases. we've had throwing things, hugh food issues, and hitting to name a few. I've found while i'm still worrying about how to handle it the behaviour stops.
> 
> AdoptionDreams: this thread is for everyone.There are also some other threads for people at various phases. There might be one that applies to you otherwise you could start a new one. I still post occasionally and lo has been home 10 months. I hope you don't have to wait too long for a sw. The process does seem to involve a lot of wating at times. It took us 19 months from initial phonecall to lo coming home.
> 
> Sq9: You are right to make sure your sw knows what you want. We were also only shown one profile at a time.We had to say no to the first two and our sw was then waiting for 2 older children, 4-5, to come through the system. we had to say we wanted a child at the lower end of our age range, 2.5-3. There were none coming through so she asked us to consider a lo who they had just started to look nationwide for, aged19 months at the time and 22 months when he came home.


Thank you. Congrats on having your little one home &#128516; I think I need to work on my patience for this process. I'm sure it will all be worth it though xx


----------



## skyblu

Sq9, sorry I had reply. Yes, yes, you must go with what you want and make sure your sw knows that, but can I just say what happened to us.
We , well I always said I wanted as young as poss and no older than 2yrs wasn't particular fussed on sex but kept saying I favoured a boy more than a girl and was adamant that I wanted as young as poss below 15 months if poss. Sw said at panel that she saw us with a girl but would look at both sexes and if I was adamant I wanted a boy she would look at only boys, I agreed that I could see dh more with a girl but said I would rather see profiles of both sexes and would go from there. When we got limked we were only told she was a girl and she was 22 months, I admit my heart sank because of her age, but after talking with dh, we said we would look at her profile, and we fell in love with her before seeing a picture of her. My god when we saw her I could see dh in her and he could see me in her. Well as they say the rest is history, she has now ben home for seven months and has slotted in so easy it is as she has always been here. I'm not saying it was all plain sailing, no it is hard, going from just the two of you and then having a demanding, all on the go toddler not to mention the tantrums, oh my. But what I am trying to say is, yes be honest what you want but also don't write off a slightly older baby. I certainly not regretted taking on a 2yr old.

Good luck hun
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Sq9

Thanks skyblu xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Sq9 - I could of wrote Skyblu's post (yet again  ) We didn't specify a sex preference but DH and I had a gut feeling we'd beat he'd with a boy. When looking on BMP etc it was always the boys we were drawn to. We were approved 0-3yrs but told SW our preference was 18months or younger. We didn't want to specify too much and pretty much let SW do his job as we didn't want to miss out seeing a profile just because they didn't fit into strict criteria that we had set ourselves. I'm so glad we were open as the SW's job during HS is to get to know you as a couple and understand how you imagine your family life, what personalities and interests suit you as a couple to aid them in family finding - it's not all about the actual PAR. Our SW rang a couple weeks after panel, he'd found a great profile and wanted to come see us that same day with the full CPR as it was a competitive match and he wanted us in on the action. It was a girl who was 27months - my heart sank then, I was totally thrown by it being a girl and over 2yrs but I was willing to see the CPR. He gave me some brief info over the phone and I became more interested as it seemed she was ticking a lot of boxes. We saw the CPR and a photo that day and read it over and over again. We couldn't fault her, she was everything we had asked for, she sounded perfect, every box was Deff ticked. Anyway we proceded, won the competitive match and she's been home nearly 7months. She was destined to be with us, she suits me and DH in every way, she just fits within our lives/family/friends. Her personality is me and DH combined, I honestly don't think we could of conceived a child who was more suited to us  
So yes stick to your guns, only move forward with LO's that are right for you both, but be open minded at this stage as well. If you tell SW you only want to see profiles 12months and under and she rings to say she wants to bring a profile of a 17month then there's prob a very good reason why   the linking/matching process is frustrating and sometimes a long wait, but it all seems to works out the way fait intended. I'm sure a lot of us will agree the whole journey just makes sense once all the pieces of the puzzle are together. 
Good luck and  

Adoption dreams - I felt the same a few years ago, it's hard to know where to post. I'd stick with here and post more and join in to other peoples conversations, get to know people and comment back. It takes a while to know who's who and what we are all talking about. Everyone's at different stages but those at the same stage tend to reply to each other more, so if your posts have been passed it's likely due to lack of time and flicking through to the posts your looking for from certain people or just accidental, it's certainly not intentional and I'm sure everyone will be welcoming with you. There's lots of other threads so have a look you might find a one specific to your stage that you might want to join as well. But post where ever you fancy really


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Thank you poppet I'm going to post more and get to know ppl and their stories a little better. I love coming on and reading all your news. It's fills me with hope x


----------



## liveinhope

Our story is pretty similar.  We were approved for 2 children 0-4 but when shown these profiles they werent the right match.  We had been approved for either gender but we had seen ourselves with a girl.  Then DS social worker saw our profile and approached us about him.  Once we read his profile we knew he was the one for us - physically and personality wise he is so similar to us and our family.  There was a chemistry and we found the right child - rather he found us.  Wouldnt be without him for the world, even when things are difficult!  He is a delight

After christmas we will be going for no2 and we have more definite ideas - more because of DS and what we think is best for him.  But we'll see - who knows, fate may have another child in mind for us .......


----------



## bluebabe

Fran we adopted two Hun, omg double the work but double the love, stick with it hunny it's hard work and at the beginning I did wonder if we had done the right thing but no regrets xx


----------



## Primmer

We are off to a VA open evening tonight - from their email it looks like as well as sw talking through the process etc there is also going to be a talk from someone who has adopted through the agency. Really hoping that this is the agency for us. 

Love hearing from you all about your progress and bringing your lo's home gives me some hope that it may still happen for us.


----------



## CKay

Adoptiondreams - we're at the home study stage, still a little while to go until panel.  Do post here and a big welcome    

DIY diva - thank you for my welcome it seems strange posting again I posted quite a bit on various IVF threads then had a big break, it's good to be back.
Happy penguin - thank you for letting me know will pm you, I have a few financial questions I'm wondering about plus how they let you know all the info.  We were approached a couple of weeks ago for possible concurrency but it fell through due to them not knowing enough about the child.

Fran - thank you for posting and telling us how it is.  Hope all going OK.

Primmer - hope meeting went well with VA and they were welcoming.

AFU - not much to report reading 20 things adoptive kids wished there adoptive parents knew.  Quite American but some good nuggets in there.  After this I need a break from adoption books I dream of a novel!    other than that busy saving and decorating the house, although I have run out of steam on that front recently after a big spurt.  I am not a fan of glossing!  Happy weekend all


----------



## CANDyT2

Hi Ladies,
              I'm a newbie and have posted on this thread as it is more likely that someone may be able to answer my questions and concerns.

I am a mixed-race lady in my early 50s and my partner is 60 year old white male. We have recently had to accept that our ivf journey is over and have been looking into adoption over the past few months. My questions are: am I too old to adopt? If we are allowed to adopt-what age range of children would we be considered for? As we are a mixed race couple-would that have any advantages in terms of being able to adopt a younger child?


----------



## Dame Edna

Hello

Age is only one of the many considerations when adopting.  Health and energy levels are often of more importance    There is no upper age limit, however SS will need to be confident that you can see a child through to adulthood.  They will usually look at the age of the youngest parent.

Being a mixed race couple is definately advantageous as there is a shortage of mixed race adopters and therefore mixed race kids tend to wait.  This could well mean that you 'could' get a young toddler (they may not say that on initial call though as they like adopters to be open to a wide age range!).

Get on the phone and be prepared to telephone a number of LA's as they all work slightly differently.

Good luck anyway


----------



## CANDyT2

Thanks Dame Edna,
                          Your info and advice has been really helpful as it all seems so daunting. I'm reading as much as I can about adoption and I think your advice about contacting several LA's is a good idea.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone

Just updated the current posters list from the top of my head, please PM me with any alterations, additions, mistakes etc. there's quite a few names we havnt heard from in a while ( Next to their names) and some newbies that aren't on. Please let me know whether you want to be on the list or not   will update as the requests come in.

Xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All. Week two since they moved in and the struggle continues. I have no issues with my feelings for them just with their behaviour and learning patience. And most of all learning not to react when my boy bites me. Tried the cuddle technique and the angry stomp but he really is a horror at times. I know he is angry cos he misses his foster mum and he gets really jealous when we spend time with his sister but wow he is so moody and so hard to please. I have just had to put him in his cot for biting me. I was not completely gentle as he really hurt me but I am sick and tired of being his punch bag. He is hardly ever nice unless we are out and we cant go out every day. 
She meanwhile tells us she loves us and then she hates us and is in complete survival mode. She woke up screaming at  3 am after a bad dream. And had to sleep in our room. She is suffering to but very easy to look after and absolutely hilarious! 
I do love them but I wish I could understand all our emotions and work through them. I flinch when he comes near me cos he hurts me so often. Hubby is now getting the same behaviours which helps me of course but not him! We are doing so many things right I know this. We are doing child led play, theraplay and embracing their independence but I feel so helpless when he has a tantrum. 
I can cope with everything but that. And I know u r supoosed to be loving and everything but when hr has just bitten me its the last thing I want. 
Sorry for me post. Good news. I dont want to run away anymore and I do want them for ever. 
Love to you all. 
Gosh glad three wasnt an option. Although two does have its beauties at times x x x


----------



## SummerTilly

Fran - sorry to hear that you're having such a time of it with violence from your boy.  Can you remind me how old your los are?

Hang in there - it does sound as though you are doing all the right things and that you and your DH are supporting each other which is wonderful. 

As for the biting - with the colder weather coming on, can you wear clothing that may at least help to protect you a bit? I have a barber style padded jacket that worked well when my labrador was a pup  

And then spray yourself with something that tastes horrible so he gets a nasty taste in his mouth ?!?  Sounds like you're using diversion techniques which hopefully will 'nip' it in the bud    

Also, make sure that you're having some time out for yourself, even if it's just using some lovely shower gel and body moisturiser in the shower.  I also find that putting hand cream on after doing the dishes also makes me relax - a couple of minutes for a hand massage for yourself and then give some strokes to your Lo's hands if needs be... 

All the very best and know that we are all 'rooting' for you here xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Fran I think your doing great and are just a normal human being   I remember thinking 'WTF' when Poppet melted down coz sometimes it just seemed so random or trivial but as you all get to know each other it becomes more obvious and when you understand their reasons why it's easier to deal with and sympathise. It just takes time, no real magic answer. I've taught Poppet to verbalise her feelings, we did lots of feeling and emotion work through play activities and now she tends to stamp her feet and shout 'I'm cross' which grabs your attention in a much calmer way so I can cuddle her in and tell her to take a deep breath and tell me why. Works great. Quite often it's herself she's cross and frustrated with - which you would never of thought the way she used to direct her anger and attack me.
Also summer lily just reminded me about doing gentle touch activities, so washing hands together, brushing each other's hair, rubbing cream into each other's hands/feet etc - it's great for bonding and teaching them that gentle touch is acceptable but nothing rough or that hurts.
Make sure you give yourself some you time, anything that gives you a break, visit a friend for a coffe/lunch - just get the hell out of there once a week or so  
Go watch your LO's sleep, especially after a crappy day. Have a glass of wine and calm down then go watch them sleep for 10mins or so, it's great for bringing you back into a more positive mood and you get to see their true innocence when they are asleep. 

Hope there's something useful amongst that, it's really all trial and error as what works for one doesn't work for another and the biggest factor is time time time. Keep going your doing great   Xx


----------



## Sq9

Fran, sending you  .  You are doing amazingly xx


----------



## gettina

Fran. I'm so sorry you are bearing the brunt of some really tough behaviour. Thinking of you and dh and sending strength. X


----------



## AoC

Fran, every time you post I can hear myself talking, a few months back.  ((((((hugs)))))))  That makes me sad because I know how tough it is and how awful you're feeling, but it also makes me excited for your future, because I know how wonderful it will be for you, when you pass through this phase.

I used to say to Bug, as gently as possible, when I'd had enough, "I am NOT going to be your punchbag today.  I do NOT deserve it."  And then I'd either wrestle him into the buggy and let the Great Outdoors do its magic, or find some crazy game to play or reach for Saint CBeebies....  I never had two to handle, though.  

Don't worry about 'rewarding bad behaviour' at this stage, he's not making enough sense in his own head to find that pattern yet.  He just wants to feel better.

Hang on in there, Fran.  You're going to win.

Look in the mirror EVERY morning and say, "I am a great mummy and I'm doing a fabulous job."

I love Poppets Mammy's advice - I will say that our Bug is now emotionally intelligent and eloquent beyond his years!  He can say how he's feeling and interpret how we're feeling, and work out how to change that really intelligently.    All the good work pays off.

And it's going to feel SO GOOD when you get through this.  And you will.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All. Having to copy and paste this a few times as I have no time to write new messages but my thanks and respect is genuine for every thread. 
Well thanks for support again. I have to report quickly cos the monster are up that I have had two good days. Also got a new car which  adds so much freedom having two. Also decided that there is noooooooooo way I can not work til boy urchin goes to school so I will update my practise in January and look for a job in may. 
I have tried many of your suggestions and with some successes so many thanks for that. 
I have got some extra support from our agency and we are going to start theraplay and name changes soon. Lots to handle and work out. However if I have two good days in a week I may start feeling more human. 
Your support is amazing and often hubby and I read your post in bed together so that we can remind ourselves of techniques and the fact that we are human. 
Got to learn to pat myself on the back too(according to my social worker). So for a change heres some good points. 
1 they both sleep through the night
2. We get called mummy and daddy respectively
3. The little girl urchin tells us she loves us
4. We have routine and structure in place
5. We have no food issues....of which there were many in foster placement
6. She has no major behavioural issues but she did in foster placement 
7. He is learning to play (treated as a new born in placement)
8. His speech is coming on everyday
9. They are both getting fitter and loosing fat
10. Both their skins problems are improving
so there you ten things that are going well. 
Oh and we love them...there has never been any doubt of that. 
So with thanks and with those positives I finish on a good note. I am grateful for supoort and no doubt will need it again as this is the hardest thing ever and you have so much wisdom to offer. 
Love f x x x x x


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## Poppets Mammy

Well done Fran, love that post, it seems like you are turning a corner now, the positive point list will grow and grow until it outweighs the negatives and you'll suddenly find yourself in a happy and balanced house. Your doing great, please keep us updated. Xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Great post Fran!!!!   You and your dh are doing a great job, that's A LOT of positives in a short space of time.


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## crazyspaniel

fab Fran! Xx


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## Starmaker73

Oh what a fabulous post to read, Fran. So happy to read about those positives...the list will just grow and grow.  You are doing an amazing job.


----------



## GERTIE179

Fran - that's a wonderful post and just to echo you are doing a wonderful job and progress like this is excellent x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

So happy to read such a positive post Fran, keep up the amazingly brilliant work!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

That's amazing progress Fran. It is so important when things are hard to remember all the steps forward you have made. You and DH are doing a fantastic job x x x x x


----------



## SummerTilly

Oh Fran - I'm so delighted for you and to hear your progress.  Your list of things to be grateful for / happy about is lovely and it will grow and grow. 

Perhaps write down 5 things you've been grateful for at the end of each day - even the smallest of things and soon you'll notice just how many things there are. 

You're a shining example of what it's like to hang in there and your perseverance is an inspiration to us all. 

Big hugs


----------



## Sq9

Definitely an inspiration to us all fran.  Your list will grow and grow


----------



## skyblu

Well done Fran, you and dh have done amazingly and there will be many good points to list again very soon. Be proud of your self ^hugme

On a bum note, we put in our application for the courts in August, our Sw finished the paper work in August and after much chasing to see if and when we get a court date we were told today they still haven't been submitted due to a lo's bf probation officer is and has been off sick for 3 weeks and needs to sign a form to complete lo's report. so it looks like now we wont be legal parents until next year  Very disappointed, wanted so much to be legal parents by Christmas. Anyone else had a problem with getting their papers ready for court?

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Skyblu that's a real pain so disappointing.  It really winds me up that when people are off sick nothing gets done.  It isn't rocket science for a colleague to step in and resolve key things.  Hope you get good news soon x x x x


----------



## Flash123

Sky, we presented ours at our 3 month review which was in sept. like you we hoped we would be done by christmas. I text this week to see how it was progressing and lo's sw has been on leave and is going on leave again. She won't complete her report till end of oct when she returns which means it won't be submitted till at lest beg of nov - def no chance by Christmas. I really, really like lo's sw and I know it must be something very important for her to have taken this time off but we are still gutted. We have all jumped through hoops to get where we are  and it is very disappointing when the 'system' or other events out of our control impact. Hope things get sorted xxxx


----------



## newmum

Hey everyone thought I would pass bye and say a quick 


Great work Fran.   


We stuck to the two week lock down sort off, family did come round and LO didn't like meeting other babies (cousins) was very clingy to us which was lovely. We have now visiting granny and grandad and Nan's hours and no problems at all. I think meeting in our own house helped first. We are going to meet friends now over the next few weeks.

SW and HV meetings have gone well and we've gout our mid review next week, think there's going to be at least six people not including LO, DH and me  

LO celebrated her first birthday with us, bless   she really is a treasure   after a few sleepless nights she now has two naps and mostly sleeps through the day. Melts my heart when she says mum mum

Anyway how are you all? X x x


----------



## snapdragon

Skyblu we completed the paperwork in April after our3 month review. Lo's sw didn't do her bit until July as she was too busy and it was submitted to court at the end of July. We got the order on 10th Sept.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all!

NM - sounds like LO is doing fab 

Skyblu - we are having delays as well!!!! We are 6 months into placement, our forms went in 2.5 months ago....sw's still haven't submitted reports, they are aiming to have them in by beg. November, in the meantime bm is contesting it as is attending a hearing soon....although I am assured it will go our way. I really am hoping that we have the AO before Xmas....but it's seeming unlikely 

On a positive note the kids are doing amazingly, they're gorgeous. Life seems to have balanced out now, and I am operating at a level that I am comfortable with. 

I am due back to work in May, did anyone go back earlier than intended? I am not sure that I am cut out to be a stay at home mum, I love the kids to bits but I really miss work  I would like to go back in March instead I think, but worry everyone will think I am a bad mum for doing this  any thoughts


----------



## SummerTilly

DDCT - You need to have balance to be the best mummy you can be and if for you that means going back to work a bit earlier then go for it!

Children need positive role models and at the end of the day, they need happy parents.  If being at work makes you happy then that's the best thing you can do - for yourself and for your children. 

Being a working mum means that you are showing them another level of your capabilities and it's a valuable life lesson for them.  You've got 5 months to prepare them and find appropriate childcare - go for it!

Also, have you been using your keeping in touch days at work?  I think they're invaluable for keeping a finger on the pulse whilst you're away. 

Best wishes
SummerTilly


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks for the reply ST, I never thought of it that way...made me feel better about it  I haven't used them yet, starting them next week, I am really looking forward to it!

I love my job and I love my kids, I think that returning to work will allow me I be the best mum I can be and I think the kids will be more than ok with the childminder and other kids. Next week will confirm it for me hopefully. 

Thanks again  x


----------



## Arrows

DDCT, I originally aimed to be off for 9mths (11 really because of summer hols) and went back after 6mths.
Partly because I really needed 'me time' and I was so used to doing lots of things in one go and staying home was harder than I'd expected. Also, I hated my job and by returning earlier it meant I'd completed my 3 months return (so as not to have to repay adoption pay). I went back 2 days a week and it was really really hard. As much as it's good to be 'you' again, it was incredibly hard to leave DS and I frequently cried at work because I missed him and was worried about him. Having said this, for the first 5 wks he was at a nursery that weren't meeting his needs and he was always upset so that really didn't help. It was a lot better once he went to my friend's instead as she would send me lots of pictures and messages throughout the day to reassure me.


----------



## skyblu

Thanks everyone for your replies, it seems I am not the only one waiting for SW's to finalise things for court. I have to say our SW is fantastic and even she said that she doesn't want to come and see us anymore as we need to get on being a family without SW's in out all the time and also lo needs closer on it all. Lo's SW is a very new SW and has made a few mistakes which has delayed things and now BF probation officer is now taking her sweet time 
On a good note we have been told that BM is not going to contest the adoption and well, BF has no hope in hell even if he tried 

DDCT, If you feel you need to go back to work early, you go girl. If it will make you happier then that is your answer. Happy mummy happy babies.
I work from home and even though lo goes to nursery for 2.5 hrs 3 days a week it is not enough to have piece and quite to do my work, but I have to say she is good most of the time and lets me work and my mum does help out when she can.

Thanks ladies
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi, sorry to barge in!  I didn't know where to post & didn't think it worth starting a new thread but I've got a quick question:

We want to give our 6yr old godson a book to explain where our baby has come from (still a way to go yet but I like to plan!)  Obviously it will need to be child appropriate, I like the look of the teazles book but is this too young?

Hope you're all well


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,


I don't get as much time as i would like to pop on this forum, however i just want to let you know we had a possible match with a 12 month old little boy however sadly he wasn't the right LO for us. Its his 1st birthday tomorrow and i cant stop thinking about him even though the decision is best for the three of us we feel so bad.

We contacted our la and asked if there were any more profiles, we were told no, this concerns us as we know there are a lot of LO's waiting to find their forever familys in our la so why is there no profiles to match us? Confusing!

Anyway i am aware that if we are not matched 3 months after approval we will go onto the national adoption register, can anyone tell me about this?

xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

The local and national registers are basically big electronic databases that holds all potential adopters and children.  Sw can search for adopters that are a potential match for a child.  Your preferences are put in  if that makes sense so only children in the right age bracket etc would flag you up. From that if they want to look into you further they can contact your sw. Good luck UL x x


----------



## Arrows

We went on the national register after 3mths and within 24 hours our profile was matched with 2 separate babies each only 6mths-1yr old. The very first profile was our son's.


----------



## Wyxie

Social Services are incredibly slow with AO paperwork quite frequently.  We were told Bladelet's AO would come through much quicker than Wyxing's, but actually it's probably going to be about the same amount of time, maybe even a little more as the Court it's heard in is normally busier than the one Wyxling's was.

Haven't posted on this thread for some time, we've just been too busy.  I haven't read all the posts because there are just too many, but everything just seems to be moving so quickly compared to how things were a couple of years ago and so very many people bringing home babies.  I hope everyone is well and it's so wonderful to see so many new families and wishing everyone much happiness.  

It's been almost four months since we brought Bladelet home and things have been incredibly tough at times.  We knew they would be, I knew it would be really hard balancing two very needy children this close in age, but honestly I really didn't appreciate the enormity of having two traumatised babies, which is what they both are really, for all Wyxling's bigger and older, and being unable to do even close to enough for either of them.  I didn't really appreciate how hard it would be watching Wyxling go backwards so far after making so much progress, not to where we'd been a year before, but really, a long, long way back, and how hard that would make it not to resent Bladelet.  I also didn't fully appreciate how hard it would be for both of them, not just Wyxling, but Bladelet too, to deal with having a sibling so close in age and the associated jealousy and absolute fury at having to share Mummy, Mummy's time, Mummy's lap, Mummy's cuddles, kisses, affection.  I have seriously questioned whether we made the right decision having Bladelet placed so soon after Wyxling, and I think for some time we really believed we'd made the wrong decision, but that having made that wrong decision, it was best for both the children that we made it work as well as we could.  We are really just the last month or so starting to see that actually, these two children are starting to accept each other as siblings, and really benefit from their relationship with each other.

The other thing that has really hit me, is it does feel like it's been down to me to make it work.  My husband works full time, he sees the kids at the weekend, and for an hour or so each day in the week.  He does what he can, and he's tried to give me a break where he can, but he's busy, work is hard at the moment, and he's been getting pretty depressed, although he wouldn't call it that.  It really has felt like it's been down to me and there have been days where I have just wanted to cry and scream and do not a lot else, or just walk out and have even a few minutes break.  Our support network really has been none existent since Bladelet was placed.  Family are not happy with us about what we've asked them to do to help with Wyxling's attachment problems, and as a result we've hardly seen them and I've hardly spoken to them since Bladelet was placed.  I'm now on a fist full of anti-depressants, although I think that will be short lived as in general, that's not like me.  I enjoy life on the whole, but situations depress me, and the situation for a couple of months was really, absolutely awful.  I just couldn't hold it together and keep how upset I was from showing to the children in the early stages of placement and I really felt like I needed something to help.  I think this is something that's really not spoken about at all.  The doctor annoyed me, and patronised me, about how "oh yes, having two children is actually really difficult" when I tried to explain why I was struggling to manage a baby who screamed and sobbed every time I put him down and a toddler with attachment and behaviour problems.  Oh well, two and a half years of Social Services in our lives so I should be used to being patronised by now.

Copied the remainder from diary.  Apologies for the double post.

Anyway, four months in, and I think we are finally heading towards normality, or something approaching it.  I've almost posted this a few times in the last week or so, but feel like I may be tempting fate.

We have had a lot of progress with Wyxling over the last 6-8 weeks since we started theraplay again.  Attachment is definitely building, she's accepting me more, in fact she often wants to be my little baby, and can suddenly regress in a way that really shocked me the first couple of times.  In fact I thought she was trying to wind me up a couple of times but humoured it, until I realised that she really was just being a little baby and wanted to be fed, dressed, cuddled, rocked, sung to.  Of course half an hour later she's absolutely determined to go to the toilet entirely on her own, will throw a huge tantrum if I try and help, and then leave the place looking like it's been invaded by several litters of andrex puppies, but I guess that's kind of normal for some kids at that age.

We've done two weeks of nursery now, and this last week I took her all five mornings.  I hadn't planned to, but I had a change of heart and I think it was a good decision.

Wyxling is really struggling with being left, and very upset about Mummy not staying at nursery.  I had been expecting her to withdraw, push me away, disassociate, get incredibly agitated, and generally be a right state when I picked her up, and in general.  I had also expected her to punish me horrendously for leaving her, in the Wyxling way.  I was really shocked when on the second day I took her she hung on to me and screamed and cried at me not to go.  It's such a completely normal thing to do, but it's not Wyxling.  She was a bit more forceful perhaps than some kids, it took two of the nursery workers to physically remove her from me and try as much as I did not to cry and stay upbeat I was in floods of tears when I walked out the door with Bladelet, and honestly it took everything I have not to just walk out with her and take her home.  It took them nearly an hour to calm her down, and honestly if I'd known that at the time I'd have gone back.  I called them to check she was OK after I'd got Bladelet home and made myself wait for a bit, and by that time she was sitting having a story.  Leaving her is getting gradually easier, which is good.  She still has to be pulled off me by someone, but she's OK within a few minutes and involved with doing something.  She's pretty peed at me for leaving her, but she runs for a cuddle when I go to pick her up, and gives me the biggest hug in the whole world, and she's always got stuff she's done that she wants to show me, and seems really happy.  She's even had a proper wobbly about putting her wellies on one day, in front of her teacher, which is really good for Wyxling.  She wouldn't do that unless she was starting to feel secure there, and part of that is knowing I will come back for her.  Knowing Wyxling as I do, if she refuses to do something, there's nothing I can say that will persuade her, so I just took her outside in without the wellies on.  By the time we'd got to Bladelet's buggy she'd had a change of heart on the subject, and we took her sodden socks off, but some clean ones on, and put on the wellies without a fuss.  She then ran home chasing our neighbour's son, and sploshed in all the puddles quite happily.  She also gave him a hysterical telling off for running into the road without waiting for his Mum, I nearly wet myself.

She is being incredibly toddler like, sulky, inconvenient tantrums, won't share a thing with her brother, all the kind of normal stuff, turned up a bit, but almost no rages.  People don't get this, Wyxling has never really had tantrums much at all, only started really in the last month/six weeks.  There is a million miles between a child having a tantrum and a child raging.  It's impossible to explain to people who've not seen it, absolutely impossible, and also incredibly frustrating to have people dismiss most of Wyxling's behaviours over the last year and a half as tantrums.  I can cope with a toddler having a tantrum, two if need be, that's completely different.  She almost never hits, kicks, bites, scratches, me or herself or Bladelet.

I'm getting really good one to one time with both of them, they're both responding incredibly well and both of them are really rewarding to do things with one on one, because they're both such wonderful little people. 

They are both awful, and I mean truly awful beyond what you would expect from toddlers, at doing anything at all when I try and do some housework, other than being a complete and total pain in the .  This is the real sticking point at the moment, getting either of them to amuse themselves, not with no attention, but with reduced attention from Mummy.  I'm working on this.

Anyway, we had a really boring weekend for the babies, lots of sulking, some really nice play time, some really tired babies, a massively longer than expected car journey yesterday to MIL's (took 4 hours in the end, and they both slept for about 30-40 minutes of that), huge routine break, new place for Bladelet, a shopping trip (whoops, but we really did need some clothes, I didn't have any jeans left that didn't have holes in the knees, and only one pair that weren't going on the bum too) for stuff for us, not them, and then a meal out with terrible service, it really did take ages for food to come, although when it did it involved pizza and ice cream and they were both delighted), then being bathed at MIL's and put to sleep in the car on the way home, about an hour and a half later than normal.  They both went down really well when we got them home, I had lovely snuggles with Bladelet, and he was so happy to be home when I put him in his cot, then sneaked in to Wyxling for a little snuggle before crashing.  They didn't really sleep enough this morning, and then were incredibly tired, sulky, and badly behaved while we dragged them round to do the weekly shopping and various other dull bits we had to do, in a kind of normal way.  Had the inevitable tantrums, fed them cake, a nice play this afternoon, and put them both to bed.  I had Wyxling for bedtime tonight, and she was just lovely.

Wyxling tells me she loves me, she never used to, this, like hugs, kisses and letting me touch her gently were things she could control and deny, so she did.  I put her to bed tonight, actually thinking she was asleep.  I was telling her about the day we met, which I often do now, just as she's falling asleep on my lap, and I thought she wasn't really listening to me.  Put her into bed and she said "Mummy stole Wyxling heart too, I love Mummy lots and lots and lots".  Tucked in with teddies and almost asleep when I left.

Bladelet is being a complete little monkey at the moment, and is often confined to the rascal cage, but he does it with such a cheeky smile it's hard to stay cross with him.  I am loving my time at home with him on our own; I feel like I am finally being able to get to know him properly.

Wyxling and Bladelet are getting on somewhat better for seeing less of each other.  In retrospect, suddenly having another person 24/7 was just too much for both of them. 

We went to the park one afternoon this week, and had the most lovely afternoon.  I wish I could put the photos I took on my phone here, they're beautiful, and happy, and together.  We had the most lovely afternoon.

I don't mean to make it sound like things are perfect, I think they both still have issues, Wyxling in particular, and they can be incredibly irritating toddlers, but things just feel so much more normal.  I don't think I had an unrealistic view of family life before we adopted, or young children, and I'm OK with that.  I just want them to be happy and healthy in the long run, and it feels like we might be getting there.  I love my children so much I cannot begin to explain it.  It's worried me a lot that I feel very differently about Bladelet to how I do about Wyxling.  Wyxling burst into my life and my heart in a way that I just cannot explain, Bladelet snuggled his way in when I wasn't looking.  I love them both very differently, they are such very different children, despite being so alike, but I love them both as much as I think it's possible to love another person.

I just hope we're not going to have another big slide backwards or upset again soon.  I want to enjoy them while they're babies, and it feels like we're just starting to be able to do that.

************************************

I had a truly lovely day with my babies today.  Too late and I'm too tired for details, but it was a great morning with Bladelet, who was playful and snuggly, and happy, and toddled around me while I did some housework.  This afternoon I had some great time with Wyxling, and after I gave her a very impatient telling off for her instant switch to being extremely difficult because I picked up a cleaning cloth, she suddenly went off and played while I did some housework.  It's incredibly how much I love watching her and listening to her when she does actually play on her own.  She will almost never do it, and I think part of the reason it frustrates me so much, is because she has a beautiful imagination and wonderful sense of humour.  There is little that gives me more joy than listening to her conversations with her toys, and watching her very serious face when she's organising them, and/or taking care of completely imaginary things she's just thought up, like a very small but very hairy spider she decided she had in her hands on the car trip to MIL's this weekend.  

Mostly, it occurred to me today that on days like today, I am happier, or at least more content, than I can ever remember being.  

Well, a very me post I'm afraid tonight, but that's were we are at the moment.  Life is very "me" at the moment, mostly keeping "me" sane!

Wishing everyone well,

Wyxie xx


----------



## Flash123

Wyxie, what a fab post. Both heart-breaking and inspirational in equal measure. Well done you xxx
Fran - fanbloodytastic . Keep doing what works, change what doesn't but keep being the people you and dh are - that's what you lo's need and that's why that list is so amazing in such a short space of time. 

Wyxie & fran - take care and be kind to yourselves xx


----------



## Flash123

Sorry fran, just realise I posted your reply on the wrong thread !! X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wyxie I love love loved that post. You are inspirational, well done you, it sounds like you have quite literally dedicated every inch of you to your family from the moment you met wyxling and now your starting to really see your completed family coming together and settling down. It sounds like wyxling is doing amazing and I'm sure she'll come on leaps and bounds now she's started nursery. I think the routine seperation for a couple hours but having Mammy ALWAYS return will really help with her attachment. Plus what they learn at nursery is incredible, the development just speeds along and I'm sure that the independant imaginary play you love to watch will start happening more and more as she learns some independence through nursery. It's lovely to read such a heart warming post. I'm so pleased things are improving, give yourself a big pat on the back because you are wonderful and deserve it   Xx


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: sorry about your link. They probably don't have any babies at the moment, its a case of waiting for placement orders to come through. My sw was very good at keeping me up to date on this. Two of the ladies I met through training were in the same situation last year. They were approved in September but there were no very young lo's available. They were both matched with 9 month olds in January. Hope you don't have to wait too long.

Everything is good with me. Lo had a thrush infection in his mouth last week and it was a nightmare. He couldn't eat and was constantly crying. One day he had a mega violent tantrum, hitting me and throwing everything in sight. A week of pretty bad behavior to be honest. I felt like we had gone back 9 months. He is better now and things are getting back to normal. He had his flu vaccine today and the nurse said how lovely he was. She wouldn't have said that if she had seen him in the surgery last week, could barely get him to stay in the room.
s


----------



## bluebabe

Wyxie what a post xx glad it seems to be settling down now. I've had issues with my two, jealousy, anger, ganging up on me I couldn't believe it when I heard my eldest saying to his brother, "go an kick mummy". Oh he got sent to his room haha


----------



## snapdragon

Just had some good news and feel a wee bit guilty. The local primary has rung to say they only have 3 places left for nursery in January. Lo is not due to start until after Easter but because he is adopted she wanted to know whether to reserve one for him. Of course I said yes.


----------



## Arrows

Snapdragon -I'll be doing the same!


----------



## wanabmum

Hi ladies, i'm looking for some advice its looking like adoption is going to be the only option for us but the thing i'm most worried about is my husband has a gambling addition, he goes to GA and hasn't gambled since this all came out and he sought help. My question is will this stop us from adopting ?


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## Arrows

wanabmum, the only way to find out is to ring a few agencies and see what they say. Different agencies will have different opinions. 
The one thing I'd pick up on is that you said 'only option' so to me it doesn't sound like you have recovered yet from your treatment. Adoption required you to give it your all, not just as a last resort. All children available for adoption will have gone through some trauma and they need adopters really focused on their needs, with the attitude that they are their children regardless of how they got there. I'm not saying you won't make good adoptive parents but going on your signature you only recently experienced another loss so give yourselves both time to grieve your losses and the additional loss of not having your own biological children. Thankfully this is something many adopters need to deal with so all agencies will ask you to wait 6-12mths after any fertility treatment before starting the process.


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## Flash123

Good news snapdragon, bet you jumped at that! Result 

Well talk about bursting my bubble. So fed up with feeling like a frumpy mother today I decided to go for a make over. Went for a radical chop! Skipped back into the house feeling all excited with my 'new do', the baby just laughed and started biting my head (which he did all night!) and dh said "what have you done?" So much for a 'new me!'


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## gettina

Haha flash. Men and children are well known hairdo resisters - I bet you look ace!!

Wyxie - I so value your honesty about how tough adoption can be and am thrilled you are having a more rewarding patch. 

Good luck with your initial enquiries wannabmum and I'm sorry your recent treatment didn't work. Give yourself time to grieve.  Fwiw I'd go an open eve or two and, in due course, seek an initial visit to have them meet you before raising it. I don't know what the reactions will be but I'd imagine they'll want to know he began addressing it some considerable time ago (so he's not coping with ga as a newish challenge at the same time as the challenge of bonding with an adopted child). 

Yay snapdragon - good news on all fronts.

Hey arrows, blue babe, diva, UL, poppets mammy, ddct, skyblu, Summertilly, new mum, Fran  Katie c, Caroline, lolly, baby, McGyver, jes75, jesp, Paul, Angelissa and everyone else. I know there's lots more of us all but I've run out of steam. 
Gettina x


----------



## oliver222

Wanabmum sorry to hear that icsi still hasn't been successful for you. Maybe after a break phone up and speak to some agencies and explain your situation. I am through Glasgow and phone them really nice and approachable when started process.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, 

So much has happened on here that I think it wi take me done time to catch up!!!! Feeling very frazzled today. LO has a cold and is teething we think and she has been like another child. She is so clingy and if i have to even leave her side she throws herself backwards onto the floor, hitting her head on the ground and screams constantly. Ordinarily when she has had little tantrums I have stayed beside her and told her everything is ok and she stops, looks up and then smiles and goes back to what she was doing. Not these last few days. She just continued to scream and when I pick her up it continues until I manage to distract her. I am feeling exhausted and a bit down today as after a few days of this, it grinds you down. I love her to bits but its been hard today. Really hoping it is just her feeling under the weather. She's a bit young for the terrible twos as they say 

Hope everyone else is doing ok and apologies for the me post, needed to otherwise I thinks quiet meltdown was on the cards x


----------



## bluebabe

Greenie it will be the teething Hun xx I used the powders on my youngest xx


----------



## Anjelissa

bluebabe said:


> Greenie it will be the teething Hun xx I used the powders on my youngest xx


I was just about to post the same bluebabe.

We used child/baby liquid ibuprofen alternated with Calpol when it was really bad (as advised by our health visitor). Her advice to us was, if you remember how painful it was cutting your wisdom teeth, then it's even worse than that for lo's as they often have a few at once  , it's just lucky none of us remember the pain when we get older.
We agreed with her advice and just carefully monitored the dose and frequency etc. I know everyone has different views on this but it worked for our lo.
It's awful to see them in so much pain  .

I hope it eases for her soon (and for you too, as I remember how hard that stage is  )

Anj x


----------



## SummerTilly

Bluebabe - a friend of mine also swears by the anklets for teething - says they worked wonders for her little ones.  

If you search 'amber teething anklets' on ebay lots of results come up. 

Good luck darl - I'm sure that, like everything, this too shall pass


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Greenie   I could have written that yesterday, a screaming child is hard work. Little pink refused any food but then screamed more as she was hungry. Wouldn't let me do anything really and we stayed in all day as I didn't really know what to do with her. Low and behold today we have another top tooth peeking through and I have a different child. Well, on the whole!! I hope things get better soon lovely. Go get yourself a treat, hot chocolate and cream, a bag of popcorn or some sweets. Failing that wine always helps   Take care xxx


----------



## bluebabe

I did the same anj, advice from our hv too xx ah my little one had it for a while, was still getting them thru age two but now all here xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks ladies. Have given her some calpol as she was so distressed before bed and we couldn't do anything to soothe her. She is now fast asleep and looks so peaceful. I'm hoping that she gets a good night's sleep although the cat is charging around the house making a racket and meowing outside her room!!! Bribing the cat with treats and I have chocolate x


----------



## Arrows

Our LO went on calpol/nurofen for pretty much 6wks straight because of teething!! Teetha powder works wonders and is just powdered camomile.
He got all 4 first molars at once, followed by all 4 canines which caused 2mths pain working their way through, then all smiles!
He's now getting the back final 4 molars through so hopefully in another couple months the teething hell will end!


----------



## Flash123

Greenie and lolly I feel your pain. Little man has just cut all 4 of his first molars and he morphed into the bubba from hell. We renamed him 'limpit child' as like you we simply couldnt move for him. also His teething explosions were so bad that one night he slept with his bum in the air because it was so sore. Poor little things what they go through. We did the carpol/nurofen at alternative times, abusol (excuse spelling) numbing ointment which is disgusting but fantastic and the powders. Littleman now brings us the powder and holds his mouth open in readiness!  I also would wet a flannel with cold water and pop it in he freezer for a few mins (so its cold but not frozen) little man would then suck on it and that seemed to help. Other than that its just cwtches and cuddles all the way (for you and bubba!!!!)


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## Anjelissa

Just on my way out, but wanted to add (as I forgot), we also used to put bonjela on his dummy at night when he was teething (or you could rub straight on of course if she doesn't have a dummy, we often did both infact). 

We have it all to come again in a few months  

Anj x


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Just thought I would give a quick update on us, we are nearing the end of the of Home Study and our SW is starting to contact references for interviews, because of this our next Home Study is not until 13th Nov so a bit of a break. 
DH medical assessment hopefully will be end Nov, if he has his blood sugar is under control (type 1 diabetic), so panel (fingers crossed) will be early 2014. 
They still have a issue with me not expressing emotions and so hopefully talking to references will help as they know me better, I find it hard talking to strangers. 

My mind is constantly thinking adoption and wishing the days away...

Roll on next year! 

Ali x


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## DRocks

I posted on the other thread but so excited i just want to say again that our panel date has been set for 16th Dec


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## liveinhope

Anj, did I miss your post about your new little lady?! Congratulations xx


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## Frangipanii

hello!
Feel awful not writing personals but I am trying to tough out the crying toddler at the moment waiting for him to go back to sleep so I can. 
Just wanted to update those who have supported me amazingly over the last 5 weeks. We are surviving! Our daughter has been (and seen) through alot and we are unsure that we are truly getting the real her. She is in survival mode although she is it seems quite attached to my hubby(obsessed in fact). We did go through a stage of nasty comments directed at me if you remember but they have teetered off the last three days. I am struggling to fully rest easy with this as she is very bright and I think capable of pretending to want to be here. But we do have a lot of fun and she is very easy to live with. And she is very very funny! 
As for him I have not been bitten in a week although I have been kicked. He banged his head three times yesterday and bust his lip so he really is a little tornado! He shouts daddy a lot because she does and he copies everything she does but is very clingy with me in fact he met his uncle yesterday and I wasn't allowed to put him down. I find it upsetting sometimes that I am not loved as much as hubby but I am glad they are making attachments.  
I have to admitt I feel a lot stronger about him than her but recognise that I have to appear balanced. She has said horrible things to me for weeks and my emotions have certainly taken a battering so I think my instincts are detached from her which I am fully working on. 
Oh and we had a major fall out with their LA which some of you know about and we have a few more sessions of tellings off to go but it was totally worth it and sometimes it is better to get what you want and stick to your instinct and take a telling off. We won anyhow. 
So life is quite good and I love them and my family love them. Hubby has no family so introduced them to his best friend and he loves them. 
If I could give tips. Two is definitely the hardest thing ever and dont underestimate it. Be consistent from the very first day. Be really strict even though you dont want to. And dont ever ever introduce a game that you dont want to play for a long time. Do cook meals and put them in freezer before anyone moves in and do get someone to do your washing! 
Right I am hearing nothing from the tornado so I am going to try and get another hour! 
Much love and adoption bubbles to you all! Xxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds like you're making steps forward every day great job fran x x


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## Flash123

Disney - dec 16th will be here before you know it. I remember like yesterday the day we had our date for panel. Daft I know but it felt like it was the equivalent of a 1st  scan. With IF you miss out on so many 'events' and 'occasions' that went they come along in adoption you need to grab 'em. Enjoy xx

Fran - every post you write you can feel your confidence and positivity growing. You and dh are so obviously a very intelligent and perceptive couple who have thought hard about the complexities and impact that early trauma and abuse can have upon lo's and more importantly how this can effect their relationships with you. You are doing amazing. Well done you and mr frangipani xxx


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## GoofyGirl

Thanks so much for sharing Fran,
Sounds like you're doing an amazing job. 

Very best wishes xx


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## Mummy Noodles!

Well done Frang and DH! Admiring your resilience .... keep on going. Every day you are a step fwd although some days you maybe cannot see it    We are now 4 months in and it gets easier with time - less hard work. However with 2 = WELL DONE!!   


 Mummy Noodles xx


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## Frangipanii

ell four and a half weeks since they moved in and five weeks nearly since we met them. My assessment of everything and my honest assessment is......I must apologise in advance as it is very frank!......it is not even remotely what I thought it would or in fact what I wanted. There are glimmers of what I wanted but not close. Is that too say it will never be what I wanted who knows. I went through the process with my beliefs and inner value system in tact thinking that all my years of dreaming of being a mummy, being a person who has worked with children and with adults in need I would only need to adapt about 40% of myself. Well I was soooo wrong. The case is my whole life has been turned upside down and I have to change 90%. And I believe anyone taking on two over one will most likely have to change the same!!I am at a loss as to how to build it up again!Yes there moments where I am confident but not often.now you may think that I am feeling lost and you are right and over the last couple of days I have thought that my other option of moving to a beach and scuba diving for life might have been preferable! However I cant give up and wont!There is the hope that one day it might come close to everything I wanted. However if I change my goals and dreams I will be happy sooner.So I am trying to get in to the theoretical side of adoption although I will never be a complete bookworm of course! I will pick and choose bits that work for me!now I know everything is based on the childrens attachment but I think sometimes working out your own attachments can make sense. I am fairly attached to my son and that is growing!!! However my attachment towards my daughter is very little! So there is a lot to be done. They both hurt me daily so it makes me wonder what they must be feeling to do that. They have been through a lot and I need to be there for them completely regardless of my feelings. I need to separate my feelings from the actual care I give them. I need to get on with it and 'woman' up!So what else well I have decided that two years plus off to bring up my children is completely unrealistic! So I am going back to my career next year. I have ti update my practise because of all my time off but it means I can do it slowly and hopefully get a job around next September! .Yes life is not what I wanted at the moment but I think in a few months I will have re-evaluated what I want and what I can do!!!! And I will have learnt to parent in a way suitable to these children and me!Life feels lost sometimes but I am seeing the light and the hope and I can definitely see that my love can grow! The children are incredible despite their truma and their not so nice ways!Sorry for my honesty and lack of personals for ages. I.will get back to you all at somepoint!Love to.all x xRead more: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=302357.250#ixzz2jBeBOsxH


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## newmum

Frangi x x


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## Flash123

(((((((())))))))) fran. I guess this is the 'a' part of the PACE parenting everyone talks about. Not only accepting what your lo's ave gone through but also your expectations of them and parenting as a whole. It can take parents years to gain that, I think it's the hardest part, and you have so clearly 'got' it already. Hugs to you and dh. Take care xxxx


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## Wyxie

Fran, I am so sorry to hear that things are so tough for you right now.  It sounds like you're doing as well as anyone could in such difficult circumstances.  It must be incredibly difficult to realise that your family is not what you'd hoped for and dreamed of for so long.

But, it is very, very early days.  I think you're absolutely right that you need to look at the reasons behind your children's difficult behaviour and what they are likely to be feeling when they are at their most difficult.  Alternate ways of parenting are probably going to help you from what you've said.  I think when suddenly faced with children with very difficult behaviours it can be very tempting to keep getting stricter and stricter with the feeling that surely, at some point they must get the message that what they're doing's not OK.  It just doesn't work like this with very damaged children.  People say they "don't tolerate" physical aggression, and use time out (call it time in if you want, but making a child sit on a chair at the other side of the room until they apologise and/or calm down, is time out) and don't understand that for severely traumatised children this simply isn't going to work.  You can keep sitting them back in the corner/on the chair all day and all you do is reinforce their own belief that they're bad.  The more they believe they're bad, the more they will be bad.  They don't care about consequences, they care about control, as much as they can care about anything.  The same goes for a lot of consequences.  There can be boundaries, without consequences.  We can move children away from things, hold them, move them on to other activities.  Improving the mood and relationship will do more in the long term to improve attachment and therefore behaviour than all the discipline in the world.  We were far too strict with Wyxling to start with, although we weren't really that strict, but like you I really struggled with the fact that my child wouldn't stop hitting me, kicking me, trying to hurt me.  I felt like I had to stamp on this and honestly, it didn't work in the slightest, it probably made things worse.  It might work for some people, but for more damaged children, it just doesn't work at all.  It just turns the whole thing into a massive fight.

Children can misbehave for all sorts of reasons, but at this age it's certainly not malicious or with the intention of hurting you, although god knows it feels like it at times.  They have no empathy, development is still at the egocentric stage, they are not capable of putting themselves in your shoes.  Most likely in this situation they're terrified and hurt.  They have no idea what is going on in their lives and only time and realising that their parents are the constant that will always be there, unchanging, consistent, will start to remove the fear.  Children often also have very low self-esteem and a belief that they're bad, which is why people keep abandoning them.  The feeling that if they're bad enough they'll be sent to someone else can lead them to test out how bad they need to be before you send them away.  

With Wyxling we simply love her, move her, correct her, no, we don't hit/kick/scratch/bite etc and because she often escalates things, we then keep her with us.  We were told in the first instance to hold her at arms length and give her a firm "no, we don't do x" and then immediately bring her to us for comfort.  Often at that stage and sometimes for a long time after she would continue trying to hurt us.  We don't get into a conversation, we just hold her, rock her, no matter how much she's fighting, like a little baby.  Sometimes I tell her I can see she's upset and making bad choices, so Mummy needs to keep her close and safe, and make her choices for her until she's feeling better.  Often now a firm "no" and a cuddle is enough, or just "no" and moving away from her.

The other thing we've been told many, many times and which I think my husband is finally starting to see, is that after kids have been told that what they're doing is wrong, especially if we've got cross about it, which we all do at times no matter how hard we try not to, is that the relationship is repaired afterwards.  Children need to be close and to be told that they're loved, Mummy isn't angry with them, or Mummy was angry but isn't now, and that they're wonderful, but Mummy/Daddy need to teach them that we don't hurt people.  

Any praise that you can give them for things that are kind or gentle (with animals, you, each other, their toys, anything really) is really helpful.  It makes it much easier to tell them that you know they are kind and gentle, but that you need to teach them that even when they're angry/upset we don't hurt each other.

Most of all, you need to find a way to enjoy your children, and more important right now for them to enjoy being with you, without discipline and behaviour becoming the be all and end all.  Anything, anything at all, that you can do together to have fun, connect, be close, share something enjoyable, will do far more in the long run than all the behaviour management in the world.  It's so hard to try and do this in the middle of what feels like a battle over everything, but so important too.

I always feel like replying to things like this with specific suggestions is like trying to scribble psychology on the back of a beer mat, but hopefully some suggestions some people give are useful, and help you find the right way for your kids.

Wyxling is still incredibly difficult, but 13 or 14 months ago she was in an almost constant attack mode.  She did something dangerous, I stopped her, she attacked me, she raged while I held her, she calmed down eventually, within 5 minutes we were there again.  This is almost gone now.  Not entirely, but she's also a toddler and everything that goes with it.  I wouldn't make any firm plans for returning to work, there's plenty of time to decide what you want to do, and it could be that in six months time you feel that this is what will be best for your family, you included, for some time.

If you ever want to chat about anything like this please do message me.  It was hard enough dealing with one child with horrendous behaviour and attachment problems, I don't know how you're managing with two.

All the best, sending massive hugs your way,

Wyxie xx


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## Sq9

Sending you massive hugs fran and fabulous, informative post wyxie as always


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## Arrows

Being a real life parent is definitely not like the image most of us will have had in our heads before actually becoming parents!
As aunties/uncles (same as fiend of the family) we only get to see one side of things. We get to see the way we wish to parent through clearer eyes in a lot of ways because we get sleep and don't have to keep it up constantly. When you're doing it 24/7, you have to pick your battles and the reality is that you will have to change plans and ways of doing things to adapt to your children's needs.
My son when someone he doesn't know well tells him of or the dreaded 'No.' reacts by giving them the dirtiest look imaginable then coming over to me arm held up ready and hitting me. I hate it but the reality is that he has attached really well to me because I'm 'safe' and he knows even if he hits me, I will always love him. My first response is to tell him off for hitting but I've had to adapt.

I say in as calm a voice as I can 'I can see you're cross but we don't hit'  then distract him. It's taken some perseverance but now as he nears 2 and his understanding has improved it's starting to sink in and this week when I said 'I can see you're cross' he then visibly relaxed and put his hand down. This has not happened overnight!
Another part is accepting that your child is their own little person. What we say and do will have an impact and even for children who didn't have negative parenting experiences, the trauma of losing a foster parent has a huge effect. They test every boundary because the want and need them to first of all be there and second of all to stay there. We all 'know' children thrive with limitations but to see what a positive effect boundaries have on them if really rewarding. Although we feel like we're always telling them off we're doing the best thing for them -particularly if we remember to keep neutral tones and add ina distraction/ praise with it!

I'm currently at my grandma's visiting and when my LO refused to eat his dinner and I'd told him he couldn't have dessert until he did, they seem surprised that I refused to let him have dessert! However my cousin and her family who were also present just keep saying 'See! Take note.' to their 10 and 12yr olds.

My brother and his wife have an almost 3yr old daughter. They both worked long hours and originally in different parts of the country so they took her in the car a lot and she was dumped with people (grandparents mainly) inconsistently. They are very laid back in their parenting most of the time but then really strict other times. My niece hasn't formed good attachments and would go to any adult she thought would meet whatever she wanted but no real attachment to anybody. She is one of the naughtiest children I know and very rude, demanding and with inconsistent boundaries and no way of knowing what to expect next or even a regular bedtime.
My son can be as naughty as any other toddler but he has manners and knows what to expect -in fact he says exactly where people are and what they are doing, along with when we are going to do thing repeatedly throughout the day!
Daddy work. Mummy work. LXXXX (childminders name). Raa Raa? (mummy: when do we watch raa raa?) Raa Raa dinner. Raa Raa dinner, na-nights. Home. Kitcat home. Daddy kitcat home. (we have a cat. Daddy comes home from work and feeds the cat).

After a year I can honestly say my life is hard but pretty good but the first 4mths we a zombie sleep deprived hell.
IT GETS BETTER!


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## SummerTilly

Big hugs to Fran, Wyxie & Arrows for sharing, coping and getting on with it.

Your posts are insightful and inspiring - sharing the ups and downs gives us all glimmers of hope that "this too shall pass"

Any and all advice is so welcome and it really helps that we are treading this path together from dreams to reality and back to dreams again xx

I meet my very attached to her foster carers LO today so my journey starts now!

Xx


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## crazyspaniel

Best of luck Summer Tilly! 
Treasure every moment


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## newmum

Good luck summer Tilly x


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## SummerTilly

Thanks guys! Now to operation "cover cold sore and hide dark circles" commences.  xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Bet you are now looking every inch the yummy mummy Tilly   Have an amazing day


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## bluebabe

Fran, I was in your position, I hav worked with children for many years, behaviour probs etc and I thought, oh yeh ths will be a piece of cake, and everyone around told me that I was perfect. Omg then reality hit. My eldest was horrendous, and at one point I did think about returning him. Please don't judge my honesty. It took a lot of hard wrk, being a punch bag, crying, the best and worst part of my life mixed together. Then once we were in a set routine they both responded positively and it did get better. Don't think you are on your own, we are here to support you. Omg I can't even remember much of the first four months either, think we were all traumatised in one way or another. An when you think it's getting better, it's like two steps forward an one step back, but you learn to cope, pick your battles, they will eat when they are hungry etc xx


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## GERTIE179

Good luck today ST - enjoy every minute x


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## Wyxie

I hope you had a wonderful day ST.  

We're toddling along OK I think.  Bladelet is just being a complete monster for my stuff right now, all in his most adorable rascally way, but my word it's hard work, the tantrums when it doesn't all work out for him and he gets put in the rascal cage are spectacular, and of course then he's upset and wants to come back to me, but then instantly wants to go straight down and go back to throwing all my stuff all over the floor/wacking electrical stuff and yanking things off the sides using their wires.  I've cleared everything away that I reasonably can, but we've just got a single large downstairs room so it's not easy.  I think he and we are just in for a bad few weeks until he gets the message and I'll just have to hope that he's got some brain cells left by then after all after the times he's throwing himself backwards on the floor, regardless of what's behind him or how hard it is!  He's behaving like quite a normal toddler, but that combined with my toddler ++ in the form of Wyxling is quite hard work!  Roll on next week when Wyxling's back in nursery.

Had quite a nice couple of days with Wyxling though.  Sometimes when Bladelet is being a pain she gets much worse in a fight for attention and/or demonstration that she is going to do everything he does but of course it's much worse when it's a nearly 3 year old instead of a 14 month old.  Sometimes she goes to the other extreme and basically copies me, following him round and very patiently explaining that he can't have that, and he shouldn't wack the piano with his toy hammer, and trying to move him away.  It's not very effective but it's adorably cute.  When Wyxling isn't being incredibly awkward she's such a very gorgeous little person.  So, I've just taken them out quite a bit, walked Bladelet's little legs off him, none of this sitting in buggies till they're 3 or 4 for my kids, I need them worn out not me, and we've had a pretty good couple of days.  

We went to the dentist on Monday and Wyxling was in one and refused to open her mouth *sigh*.  Nothing to do with her being scared I might add, just a "you can't make me" way.  She refused to talk the whole time we were there and just sat sullenly on my lap with her mouth firmly closed.  Bladelet was more than happy to show off his teeth, which were fine, but I needed a filling.  Hubby was off Monday and Tuesday so I arranged to have the filling done on the Tuesday, the next day.  This meant a real break from routine in a big way on Tuesday morning because I had to take Bladelet for blood tests, then straight to the dentist for me to have a filling.  Hubby took Bladelet and Wyxing to the butchers while I went to have my filling.  Not a pleasant experience I now realise, but perhaps thought of the bloody great needle in my gum will give me pause next time I find myself in the sweet aisle in Tescos hiding Strawberry Pencils in the trolley while the kids aren't looking.  Anyway, Wyxling was having a big fuss about everything that was happening, because it was different, and that sends her stress levels through the roof.  I explained that it was just a little injection in my gum, and then the dentist would fill in the hole in my tooth.  She was really upset that I wouldn't let her come with me.  Clearly, there was a misunderstanding somewhere.  We realised later that Wyxling doesn't actually know what gums are, and she anyway misheard and she thought I was having an injection in my bum, which I guess may go some way towards explaining how she reached the conclusion the dentist was going to remove one of my legs!  I had to fight so hard not to laugh when she met me afterwards and ran up crying and then hugging me saying "Mummy, one leg, two leg, OK, fine, yes?" and she managed to explain what had thought was going on.  Love her so much.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hallo everyone, hope everyone is well. This weekend has not been as bad weather wise as expected. Quite bright today in the Midlands. Hope everyone is enjoying some dry, bright weather today after the deluge of rain we have had recently. 

Loving reading how everyone is getting on with LOs and with their assessments if not yet matched. I post needing advice of the 'old hands' at the assessment process. DH and I have had our medical forms through to have our medicals. I was working out a fair bit and eating healthily but when I got a cold the other week it fell by the wayside so determined to get back on it. I have estimated my BMI is between 34-35 despite exercising regularly and desperately trying to eat healthily. I am going to keep a log of my lifestyle using foodfocus.co.uk and get one of my fitness instructors to write me a testimonial if needs be. What were your experiences reference BMI at medicals and questions over an active lifestyle. My doctor knows I struggle with my weight and she says, "I look fine to her" even though the figures suggest otherwise.

I guess I am worried about getting turned down due to my weight   xxx


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## bluebabe

Jacks girl, my BMi is higher than yours, it wasn't an issue, as long as you show that you are doing something about it, don't need proof, just the sw will need to put in her report that you have discussed it. That's my experience anyway. And within a month of my two coming home I had lost two stone haha stress isn't the word xx


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## Jacks girl

Lol thanks bluebabe   . I have commented on it in the health part of my homework and how I am taking steps to address a healthy lifestyle and prepare for parenting, as well as including that on my medical form. Thank you


----------



## CANDyT2

Hi Ladies,
              Hubby and I are about to start adoption journey after 2 years of ivf hell and just wanted some advice.
I'm a mixed race lady with a white male partner and we're trying to find out how the matching process works. Is it the social workers who try to match you to a child, and vice versa, or can we try and do this ourselves (via Children Who Wait website and so on), or is it a mixture of both?


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Mixture / both. There are regional and national registers that have both children waiting for placements and adopters waiting for children on. Social workers from both sides can search these. However you can take things into your own hands via cww and bmp. Welcome to the world of adoption hope you find these boards as fantastic as I do.


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## Wyxie

Hi Candy, I'm sorry to read about your failed IVF.

It can be both.  Given you're of mixed race you will probably have a lot of options open to you because, as I am sure you're aware, there is a big shortfall of mixed race adopters. Your SW will look for a match for you, particularly if you're assessed by a LA they will ideally want to match you with one of their children or children in a local consortium of LAs.  But you can ask to go on the National Adoption Register three months after you're approved and you can also look via any other means you want to (Children Who Wait, Be My Parent, Adoption Activity Days if you feel that's for you), and ask for your details to be put forward for any child. 

Have you made any calls to agencies yet?  They should talk to you about what sort of child(ren) you're hoping for when they first visit.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


----------



## CANDyT2

Hi DIY Diva,
              Thanks for the info-yes, I think the boards are great and they really give you an insight into the whole process. It all seems a bit daunting at the moment as I research what the process will involve and also reading a few books on adoption. 

Hi Wyxie,
            Thanks for your support-I agree that being mixed race couple is an advantage in the current adoption climate. We would love to adopt a toddler -but hubby and are are 'getting on',(I'm 54years and he's 62years) so that would probably determine the ages of the children that we would be considered for? Then again, another lady on one of these forums explained to me that there might be more flexibility regarding the ages of mixed race children we might be considered for, as there are so few mixed race prospective adopters available. We have requested some information packs from a few LAs and 1 voluntary agency and will be making our choice soon, with a view to arranging initial visit with SW before xmas.


----------



## Wyxie

Candy, I'm not sure how that would pan out, I think all you can do is discuss with SWs at the various agencies you're thinking about.  SWs/panel wouldn't want to place a child who has already lost so much in a position where they were likely to lose their parents as an adolescent/young adult.

Jacksgirl, good luck with the medical.

As for us, well, I am tired.

The kids have a new favourite song, which I sung for them about a million times yesterday.  It goes like this:

See the little bunnies sleeping 'til it's nearly noon,
Shall we try and wake them, with a merry tune?
Oh so still...
Are they ill?
Wake up soon...

Hop little bunnies, hop, hop, hop, 
Hop little bunnies, hop, hop, hop,
Hop little bunnies, hop, hop, hop,
Hop, hop, hop.

The kids did not get the message at all.  Bladelet woke me up at 2:00am, 3:30am and 5:00am, and then Wyxling at 6:00am, and no chance in hell of getting Wyxling back to sleep.  I had this bizarre fantasy going on last night that we'd all wake up and it would be, well, not noon, but say 9 o'clock, or something like that, and it was going to be amazing.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Love that song Wyxie, and it can be adapted for so many different animals, we like 'roar little lions, roar roar roar!' I hope you managed a better sleep


----------



## katie c

I heard that song at play group. Isn't it a bit of a lively one to try and invoke sleep? 

Unless it's just our play groups interpretation of it of course


----------



## Wyxie

I was just hoping they might get some sort of subliminal message about sleeping until noon.  They definitely missed that one.  

I do actually find that a really good one for Wyxling though, to help her regulate, because of the variation in pace and her following my directions, albeit without knowing it!  She's quite competitive so we compete to see who can be stillest while the bunnies are sleeping, which helps.  They woke me up at 5 and 6 again respectively this morning.  Bladelet has been an absolute monster all morning, and I have just put him down for a quick sleep before the HV gets here!


----------



## AoC

Jacks girl, they just want to know you're not going to feed your child junk, are active enough to run after them, and aren't likely to develop a serious medical condition.  You're fine.    I think mine was around that anyway, and there were no questions.  Good luck!  

I think I put weight on after he came home - I was more active, but I was so tired, and never had any time to cook or shop for my gluten free stuff, I kept disappearing into the utility room to eat junk food!  

Hi Candy, welcome, and wave goodbye to the IVF hell.    I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but that's behind you now.  ((((hugs)))) Matching depends what route you go down.  Most LAs will try and do the matching for you, and most VAs will bring a selection of profiles for you to look at.... but there are exceptions to each.  If you want to be actively involved in selection, then talk about that through your assessment process and ask how they will make that happen for you.    I'd raise your concerns about age in your initial contacts and see what the agencies say.  My gut feeling is that a VA might work better for you than an LA, but we've had such a good experience with our VA I tend to say that to everyone!  

Hugs for the sleep fighting, Wyxie!  

It's our Celebration Day tomorrow.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I FINALLY have some good news to share.  We have been allocated our SW and HS starts next Thursday. I'm so excited that we are finally moving forward.  What a day. Today would have been our due date if I hadn't miscarried, I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. Then I realised that this morning kicked of Adoption Week and THEN our phone call arrived this afternoon. God certainly had a plan for us! ❤❤❤ XxX Sorry about the me post!! X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news adoption dreams x x


----------



## Primmer

That's good news Adoption Dreams


----------



## AoC

Congrats AdoptionDreams!  And good luck.  

We had our Celebration Day yesterday.  It was awesome.    Bug's SW couldn't make it, which we weren't unhappy about, but our SW was there, which was fab.  I'll always remember when a Grandparent was saying how amazing it was how quickly Bug settled with us, that our SW firmly pointed out that that was because we worked so hard with him and did so much to help him settle.    Judge was lovely (we'd had the CDay transfered away from Bug's home town) and gave him a present and me some flowers. Almost all our family were there (just my brother couldn't make it, no fault of his) including my SIL and her son, who'd told their school that they had to have the day to attend court on a family matter!  LOL!  Love that she bent over backwards to be there.  Grandparents cut short their holiday in France and drove through the night to be there, too.    Everyone and dressed up smart and looked fabulous - we're quite a casual family usually.

Bug behaved beautifully and charmed everyone in sight.  They took us through a back way, through a large open plan office, to meet the judge, and you could tell that all the office staff were coming up with reasons to hang around and catch a glimpse of the happy family.  Everyone had such a huge grin on their face!

We then went to a large garden centre which had a nice restaurant and play area for coffee and cake, and I ran through to the food hall to buy a couple of bottles of bubbly so we could toast our Bug in his new name.  

Then home for a buffet lunch and lots of silly games with Bug.  I will always remember it as a real red letter day.  We'd split up in different cars to direct family, and I was in the car with Bug alone.  I waited till he dropped off, then I sobbed like a baby all the way home!

Crying again!

It's probably worth remembering that I genuinely thought we were at risk of the placement disrupting partway through, when I couldn't get Bug to stop hitting me, and thought I was "ruining" him and was the wrong mummy for him, even though I loved him so, so much.  We've come a very long way.  

Oh, and today's Bug classic:-  "Where iss my blankie?"  "You left it in your bed - why don't you go and get it?"  "No.  'oo get it Mummy."  "No, you can get it."  "I CAN'T get it!"  "Why not darling?"  *pause*  "Because I have a bogie."

LOL!


----------



## Flash123

Aoc that is proper goosebump time. Simply beautiful. Can't wait till it is ours xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you for sharing AOC   Happy tears reading your post, how wonderful your family's special sounds. Bug sounds like he charmed everyone, and what a character, love the bogie drama


----------



## Primmer

AOC - thanks for sharing what was a magical and special day for you, your family and Bug x


----------



## Ourturn

Huge Congratulations AOC, your post made me well up! I am so happy for the 3 of you xxx


----------



## skyblu

CONGRATULATIONS AoC , BEATIFULL POST.XXXXXXXXXXXXX        XXXXXX

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations AoC


----------



## AoC

Thanks everyone.    It's lovely to share the good stuff.


----------



## newmum

Aw AOC how lovely x x


----------



## GERTIE179

AoC that is sooooo lovely to read x


----------



## Anjelissa

I've not been here much lately so I've completely lost track!   

I just want to say HUGE Congratulations to AoC   , what a wonderful and memorable day!
I'm so happy for you all   

I'm still laughing at the bogie quote  , that's the sort of thing our little man would say  

Anj x


----------



## popsi

AofC... another wonderful post by you...your an inspiration darling... and I can confirm that you all looked absolutely stunning and sooo happy and beautiful xxxx


love to everyone hope all your dreams really do come true xx


----------



## AoC

Ah pish, Popsi.  You're MY inspiration!  

Thanks everyone.  He's sitting on my lap right now saying, "AFTER this, we go Peppa site, ess?"


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, haven't been on for ages....LO is keeping me very busy. Lovely posts AoC. Hope everyone is doing well at the various stages. Things here are good although teething has meant lots of sleepless nights love LO to bits but she has been testing her boundaries in the last few weeks. Taking her some different groups which has been good for her and me. We are still waiting on a date for AO, thought paperwork had been handed in 3 weeks ago but after chasing things up and checking in with SW I discovered that it wasn't handed in until 3 days ago because someone kept hold of it by mistake gutted as we were really hoping to get AO granted before Christmas. Feel like we have to keep prodding SW just to make sure things get done. Second LAC review next week so hopefully all will go well and we'll get date through soon. Take care x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi all. Popping on to say....I am alive and well. Six weeks in and I am not tempting fate but we are ok. My skin is certainly getting thicker by the day but there is a lot of love in my life too. Not perfect but life never is! 
Greenie....we have boundary testing issues too and AO. Sounds like we are having a similar time. Its great when they go to bed lol!! 
Anyway love to all!


----------



## DRocks

Had our last visit before Panel in just over four weeks, so glad home visits are done for now phew.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good to hear from you Fran.  Often wonder how you are getting on.  Glad you're slowly winning you are doing an amazing job x x x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Well 2.5 hours later and our 1st home study session is over. It went very well - our Social Worker is so lovely. Just mention it taking approx 10-14 visits. She said they advise it to be around 6 months from now until panel - so she really gets to know us well. She also said we're very organised so it could be quicker. I think she's just preparing us incase it takes a little longer. We have another 2 dates in the diary before Christmas - yay!! I'm feeling very excited xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo adoption dreams. You are on the way 

Well things here are good. LO continues to amaze me and our family. Today she has learnt the words yes and no... 'Munchkin, come here please.....NO', 'Munchkin, no please don't do that.....YES'. Made me chuckle the first few times but she now seems to think its hilarious to do it all the time!!!! Been told we won't get AO before Xmas as our paperwork was left in someone's in tray for a few weeks trying to be patient about it all. 

Hope everyone is well, take care x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi,

A quick me post.

We are still waiting to be matched after being approved in september, i have received an email from our agency saying they have made a referal to the consortium to find us a match, Can anyone give me any info on what a consortium is please?

Many thanks xxx


----------



## Arrows

A consortium is a group of agencies that get together regularly to exchange information about children they have available for placement and adopters they have available. Just widens the pool a bit!


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love Nice to hear from you. The consortium is all the la's and VA's in the area( ie Yorkshire). Nearly all approved adopters in our la get a match with the consortium if they can't find a local one. Very rare to have to go on the national register, only really if looking for a particular ethnic match.


----------



## crazyroychick

Don't post on here that often as can't keep up but big fat YES for us at approval panel today, so excited xx 

Hope everyone else is good xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant new Crazy Chick x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Great news crazy 

Well DH is 'wetting LOs head'!!!!! Think this is going to be messy, as long as he doesn't wake LO otherwise he will be entertaining her nice and early in the morning he was so excited about tonight as its something he never thought he'd get to do, let's just hope he doesn't get too carried away!!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo, we have the date for AO and celebration hearing!!!!


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Greeniebop that is fab news, hope it's not to long to wait. We put our application in next Friday so hopefully won't be to long. There hoping to have it all completed by end of January as my little mans social worker is leaving and she wants to see it all completed before she leaves.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

AO jan, celebration feb. feels like forever but with Christmas it will fly by. Good luck x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news Greeniebop glad it's so soon x x


----------



## AoC

Congrats, Greeniebop!!!


----------



## Zargus

Hi everyone. Not been on here in a long long while.  DH and I have our panel meeting on Wednesday.  Have to confess to feeling very nervous about it.  Any tips on keeping on top of my nerves in the meeting? I am sure I am going to be a quivering wreck!! 

My SW keeps telling me to stop worrying which on the one hand is probably her reassuring me, but I can't allow myself to get too excited because she scared us earlier in the process about our finances and I am concerned we are going to get turned down.  

Only 48 more hours until we know.  I think these are going to be the longest 2 days of my life.  Aaaarrrggghhh


----------



## gettina

Hey vetty
No tips i'm afraid but good luck, you will survive it just fine and will be blissfully behind you v v soon. 
Gettina x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck Vetty. Have faith in your SW for taking you to panel and in yourselves, you'll do great.
How is everyone doing?
Awake far too late listening to munchkin chattering on monitor! She woke up, got her back to sleep and now she is convinced it's time to get up and play!!!!!! Gentle rub of the back and fingers crossed that she stays asleep for at least another 6 hours!!!!!!! As pooped as I am it does make me chuckle when I tell her its time for sleep and she just laughs at me!!! Night night all x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi All,


Snapdragon and Arrows thank you for your previous replys.


Some amazing news from me, we have been linked to a child at 5 months. We will be getting a visit from the child's foster carer in the next few days, i know there wil be lots of questions to ask however my mind is kind of blank as all i can seem to think about is this baby's face and adorable smile   

Are there any major things i need to ask as i don't want to miss anything?

xxx


----------



## Flash123

Fantastic news unconditional, congratulations. Our little man was 5 months when we were linked to him and we were just like you. I couldn't think straight to ask sensible questions I was jut bewitched by his beautiful eyes. Our sw was fantastic. She was rational but tbh we didn't ask much as the FC told us most things. I put together a list of questions, some useless some useful, ill see if I can find it and pm you if I can. Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news ul so happy for you x x


----------



## snapdragon

Fantastic news, congratulations.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Great news UL that's simply fantastic  

Don't really have much experience with babies of that age but I'm sure the few who have had little babies placed recently will help you out. But we found when we met with LO's SW and FF then FC the conversation just flowed and I didn't really need the list of questions I had brought to both meetings as the questions were answered as the conversation progressed and then questions popped into my head that I hadn't previous thought of. Plus I'm sure your SW will help with things along those lines, ours tended to meet us just before any meetings started to make sure we were ok and knew what to expect etc. xx


----------



## Sq9

Fantastic news UL - so very exciting


----------



## gettina

Whoop whoop UL! 
Thrilling.
We're matched to a 7 month old that we have just started shopping and doing a nursery for - v exciting, but daunting. So, we're in tandem again- but better!!
Hope all proceeds smoothly starting with a nice meeting with the FC.
Gettina x


----------



## Arrows

Very exciting news for both of you!!
Congratulations!!


----------



## AoC

Wonderful, congratulations!


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Hi everyone,

I've been reading and learning bits from your posts, some lovely stories out there. I am now at the stage where I am considering adopting. My partner of 2 years has grown up children, his 17yr old lives with us. I am now 38 and realised I need to make a decision soon. He is 10yrs older than me and we have a great life, but there is still this void and deep pain thinking I will never be a mum.
I do some work with social services and I have been involved in removing children
I am under no íllusons asto the issues. But I have this awful dread that the child might reject me when they are older. I know it sounds silly but did anyone else feel that?
Xx


----------



## AoC

Welcome Scooby, and good luck with your choices.    Yes, I think most of us feel that at some point, but personally I don't think there's much more risk of that happening than in biological families.  Some might argue that the support and training we get, plus the real work we put into parenting positively, means that it's LESS likely with adoptive families.  I think we go into this with our eyes open more than many parents do.

So, yes, perfectly normal to worry about that.  But I think you'll find as you proceed that this fades as a worry.  (((((hugs))))


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Thanks for your honest reply. I'm hopi ng to get to know you all better- my phone is rubbish so sorry for the me post!!
X


----------



## scooby-doo_123

The other thing that I was going to ask is if sw have to contact my ex husband? He was an absolute pig and very aggressive. He does not know where I live etc and I do not want him to know anything about me.


----------



## AoC

Yes, they will probably want to contact him, but they're adept at dealing with aggressive exes, and will be sensitive to your need for privacy and security.  Talk about your concerns with them.  Don't let him put you off!


----------



## AoC

A year ago yesterday, we stepped into someone else's house and caught the eye of Bug's SWer, who called to our Bug and said, "look who's here...."  He turned round, gave a little wriggle of excitement, ran down the long living room to grab our pictures, then ran back to us shouting, "Mummy!  Daddy!"

I wish I could remember exactly what he looked like.  I can remember what he was wearing, what he smelled like, how warm and soft he felt, how light he was when I picked him up, how limp, warm and slightly moist he felt when he fell asleep on my shoulder.  I definitely remember going back to our hotel room and tweeting, "My shoulders are covered in snot and I smell like babies!  Result!"  I remember him saying, "Mummy!  Daddy!  Upstairs!" when he wanted to get us into his room and get us all to himself.  But I don't remember exactly what he looked like, becuase what he looks like today has over-laid that image.

My thinking, feeling, running, jumping, shouting, smartypants-cheekymonkey has filled our life in every way we hoped for, and many more.  A little part of me is scared, every day, that somehow we'll lose him.  When we announced that we were going to be parents a friend contacted me and said, "welcome to The Fear," and now I know exactly what she meant.  But The Joy and The Laughter completely trump The Fear.  And The Poo and The Vomit are officially now downgraded to non-capitals, because I don't give a flying fox about them.

Although I could do with significantly less boy-pee in my life.  Just sayin'.

I'm a writer.  There's a gut-wrenching moment in one of my (as yet unfinished) manuscripts, written long before Bug, where the troubled heroine looks at her son and sees him as a baby, toddler, child, adult he will be, all at once, as if the images were all laid over one another, and loves him utterly and completely, in all his phases.  I wrote it out of imagination, and out of knowing that character in the book.  But now I know I was writing something that can be real, too.

My Bug.  My heart.  All ours.

(And, BTW, my DH has been a complete revelation, becoming A Father (definitley with capitals! ) so completely and with such love and commitment he's blown me away.  So much so that family friends have remarked on the fact they never knew he had such hidden depths and are seriously impressed with him - and these are lovely, loving folk who have fostered, run courses for excluded kids and are just frankly the best people I know.   )


----------



## Flash123

Aoc what a fantastic post. Goosebump time xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Absolutely beautiful   congratulations, what a year it's been


----------



## Arrows

That was beautiful AoC


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous aoc so lovely you have come so far and so lovely to hear dh is loving fatherhood x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Simple beautiful AoC. What an amazing and life changing year x


----------



## Wyxie

Lovely to see so many people with good news.

AoC, that's wonderful to read.

It's incredible how much our lives can change in such a short space of time.  Sometimes I can't believe that three years ago we'd only just given up on fertility treatment, two years ago we'd not even been approved yet, and now we have a 3 year old and a baby.

Boy pee is not something I am looking forward to.  Both of our toilets are right next to walls, even hubby has the odd wee on wall moment, I'm dreading what it's going to be like with Bladelet when we get to potty training.


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww AoC that's such a moving post x


----------



## Sq9

Beautiful post AoC


----------



## AoC

Awwww thank guys.  *blushing*  It's lovely to be able to share it with folks who 'get it'.


----------



## skyblu

AoC   BEAUTIFUL 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi everyone! 

Not been on forever! 

Aoc...wonderful to read...cant wait to be on otherside! 

Well as for us...remember we fell with LA and its still on going and  its awful! I have kept away from ff cos I am so upset. They have said if the children werent settled they would remove them...but nobody can argue that the children arent settled.  Even the manager of our agency has got involved and he says there is too much bad feeling surrounding an obviously settled and successful placement! We are being bullied and stressed out. Its awful makes us feel like we have abused the children by the way they are treating us. I am so upset it is not true!  Sorry but its awful. Well bar the children of course! Lol they are wonderful! (Most of the time....why did we take two?lol, hard work!!!) 
Sorry for a negative post but its taking its toll! 
Love to all x x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

AoC what a wonderful post  

Fran - don't though what you've done to upset the LA but sounds a bit like they are loosing sight of the bigger picture which is that the children are happy and settled. The red tape is out of control and perhaps the professionals need to stop letting their pride get in the way of praising you on doing such a good job with your LO's and celebrating a successful placement. Crazy   Sending lots of hugs and support to you and DH   Hopefully they'll all be out of your hair soon enough  

Poppet had a nasty fall at nursery today and bumped her head, went straight to pick her up when the nursery rang and took her along to A&E for a check up, she's got a right egg/bruise on her forehead   It must of really hurt, bless her she's so clumsy. Thankfully she's totally fine, no serious damage. Got a sticker off the Dr so she was happy with that, haha.

Hello to all


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Fran - that sounds horrendous. Not sure of the history re fall out but PMs right. The kids are settled and thriving and you guys are coping they should be pleased at the success of this. And what an IRO eh (I never did find them impartial). Good luck& hopefully they wise up soon and let you get on with being a family.

Aww poor poppet but kids will be kids (I need to remind myself of this as my previous boy is determined to turn me white by practising his jumping off the sofa). 

Hugs to everyone x


----------



## Losing my grip

Hi Guys,


Have not been on FF for some time, co-incidently since I became a forever mummy to my chuckle brothers!!   
Phew hardest job in the world but love them sooooo much xxxx
We have recently moved house into the Preston area and would like to chat to some other local adopters as feeling a bit lonely at the mo as not many people know about our boys background.
Its so much better to chat to other adopters who understand of the added concerns and issues of being an adoptive parent, in addition to the basic stresses of being a mum!
xxx


----------



## Zargus

AoC - insprirational post, brought a tear to my eye.

Fran - so sorry to hear you're having a tough time.  I am surprised to hear an LA would suggest removing the children just because they fell out with you.  I am behind you in the process though so perhaps I am a little naiive.  If the LOs are settled that is the most important thing.  Chin up.  As Poppets Mammy says, hopefully they'll be out of your hair soon.

AFM, DH and I had our panel meeting yesterday.  We were approved!!!      Was the longest day of my life!  You'd think I'd be used to all the waiting by now!!  We have been told there are lots of children out there and in fact my SW said she has already been thinking of us when talking to other SWs so I am sure it won't be long and we'll be welcoming a LO into our lives.

I'm so excited.  It seems that I might be getting the family I have always wanted very soon


----------



## AoC

Welcome back, Losing My Grip.    How did the move go?  Did your little one get excited?  

CONGRATULATIONS Vetty!  Wonderful moment, best feeling ever.    I remember walking out feeling that I wasn't a woman who had something missing anymore.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congrats Vetty. 

Fran hunny have sent you a message here if there is anything I can do to help.

Hugs to all. Just waiting here still x x x


----------



## Losing my grip

Thanks AOC.
We were really worried about my eldest moving house as it had been on and off for about 2years and he is a little worrier but he's done amazingly well since we moved, enjoying the new garden, making new friends and starting school!
The little one doesnt really care as long as he has regular meals!!   
Just updated my signature as the family has grown since I was last on here!!
xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

We've just had our first parents evening 😁 nothing but praise, I'm so proud I could burst. As much as we've been through to become parents I wouldn't change a thing. I honestly feel like the whole time I was dreaming of being a mam I was dreaming and imagining Poppet. She is everything we hoped for and more. I think our lives just mapped out exactly as they were intended to, she was destined to be with us all along. Love her to bits 😍
Xx


----------



## Sq9

Lots of lovely news on here at the minute  

Afu, still waiting and been 4 weeks since we have heard from sw so have emailed her to see if she can tell us anything.  Slowly going round the bend but at least have christmas preparations to keep me busy  

Take care


----------



## Frangipanii

Thanks ladies! Spent days crying now just got to 'woman up', play the game and put on a fake smile. They have totally lost sight. Funny really considering the review officer seemed to be on the LA's side but actually sent the review and it said how wonderful we are doing. What a complete turncoat! There is a lot of them out there..
well again thanks and sorry for the drama...but I do feel better for sharing. Xxxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Frangipani -   I am sorry that you're having a tough time with the LA, they won't be around forever, one day you will be left to get on with family life and I promise you it will all get better. After our 2nd LAC review we went onto 6 weekly visits, it was then I started to feel normal and think of our future. Sadly for now, you'll just have to 'play the game'. I hope it all gets better soon and I hope you start feeling better soon. How are the children? Do you look back at the positives each day, that was the best advice I had (thanks Gertie x)! 

I have found a comfortable operating level now, and feel like a real mummy, the children are very settled and I can confidently look back and see how much they have come on. I had some really dark days in the beginning, I felt so fed up....and hated having to sit and put a brave face on in front of social workers, I felt so out of my depth and thought that I was damaging the children, I genuinely didn't think I could do it some days but I couldn't say anything to sw's because I just wanted them to leave us alone to get on with it. My blues weren't anything to do with the children, more to do with this perfect picture I had spent years and years dreaming of. It felt like to get everything I had ever wanted, I had lost everything I ever was, life wasn't like I pictured (Gertie (again) helped me realise that was ok). I am pleased to say that everything is now wonderful, the children are perfect and are my world, I have days where I think of how far we have come and I feel so proud. Life does get better and it does get easier.

UL and Vetty - congratulations x

PM - your little poppet sounds amazing, and you are doing an amazing job x


----------



## snapdragon

Lovely day. Went to the Christmas party run by our la. Lo loved it until it came to meeting Santa. He cried his eyes out and couldn't run away fast enough. I still have the unopened present. If only he knew there was chocolate inside.. We saw the lo we had a failed link with. I spotted him straight away and was pleased to see him look so happy with his mum and dad. 

Wanted to say to Fran I'm sorry you have had such a hard time and hope one day once the sw's are out of your hair you will feel differently. Hold on to how wonderful your children are and what you have done for them.


----------



## thespouses

Hi everyone, I have not been on for ages and I'm kind of burying this in here because it's a bit complicated and hard to make public, but we have a meeting this afternoon with a SW who we are very very worried will say we can't apply to adopt again - it would be best for us if this SW/VA said yes - it isn't a final NO to any type of 2nd adoption at all but without going into details I am really nervous about this!


----------



## GERTIE179

Good luck thespouses - hope you get the right result x


----------



## thespouses

Thanks, I am incredibly nervous, have to get through most of the working day first, I didn't sleep very well last night and hubby is getting a bit annoyed with me I know!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Wishing you lots of luck thespouses  
Xx


----------



## AoC

Lots and lots of luck TheSpouses!  (((((hugs))))


----------



## thespouses

Well it wasn't too bad - she is enthusiastic about the idea - she wants us to have an early medical - I won't say why - but hubby is a bit less sure about the whole thing than me, so we may not be going for it now anyway. Anyway we'll see. Just hoping we can book the medicals ASAP.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

We had to wait for the paperwork to come through before we booked in for the medicals, so perhaps see about chasing them for that and try and get in before Christmas?

If you have a favourite GP, it's wise to book in with them too - maybe give them a heads-up beforehand.

Paul x


----------



## thespouses

They are posting us the forms tomorrow - the GP wouldn't let us book in without the forms though.


----------



## Flash123

Sorry for me post but am mega excited -  we have our date for hearing dates in court. Bm not opposing, just waiting to hear about bf. I am soooooooo excited xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news flash what a good early Christmas present x x


----------



## skyblu

Snap Flash, we have had our date today too.
Is yours the first one or the final one?
Ours is the first one where I think the BP can appose, I know BM has said she isn't but BD has said in the past "over my dead body"  Hoping they both stay away 

Exciting times Flash.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Ooooooo sky, my courthouse friend  i didnt think i was that bothered about the ao but the letter came and ive been like a nutter. dh keeps talking about 'our day in court' like we are giving evidence in the mafia trial of the century.     It sounds so funny.

We  have the date of the 1st hearing for the bf and for the second but no date yet for the final or the celebration hearing.we know bm isn't attending or opposing but we never know with bf...have to see if he wants to 'fight for his only son'!!!! Apparently our judge sometimes combines the second and final hearing, fingers crossed. 

Hope they all stay away for us both, he he excited much xxxxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Flash and Skyblu - congrats on getting the dates through.

We only received two dates. The first hearing being for BF to attend if they plan to and the adoption order is usual granted on that day (depending on the circumstances).

The second date is the celebration hearing. I thought that was the same for everyone?!? Perhaps I'm wrong 

Well poppet had had every ailment going these past two weeks so I've got a poorly little girl who refuses to admit she's poorly which makes it twice as hard to look after her   then to top it all off me and DH managed to stupidly upset her last night by not handling a situation very well which lead to a very unsettled and upsetting night. So busy having a girly cuddly morning to make up for it. Feel so annoyed with myself but have to remember no-one is perfect and all parents get it wrong all the time  

Xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Flash and skyblu can I join your club  

We have our final court date  so excited 

Big hugs to everyone 
Sorry for the me post I really need to catch up in this thread. 

Xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news Emma so great to hear from all the forever Mummies still moving forward with their journeys. Having the final steps in sight must be a wonderful feeling xx x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

It's an amazing feeling we can't wait, 

We've got everything crossed we get no delays. 

Big big hugs xxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Our hearing is 2 Jan! Could make for a great New Year!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo ours is just before Christmas 

So excited fabulous Christmas's and New Years for us 

Hugs xxx


----------



## skyblu

Hi court buddies, exciting times eh 

Poppets mummy, I am sure what ever happened last night will soon be forgotten about and poppet will forgive you and dh. We all get it wrong sometimes.
My dh gets it wrong most nights, he has a way of winding lo up, she is all laugh's to begin with then he takes too far and she ends up crying, men 

Our lo has been really poorly over the last 3 weeks, She started off with croup, then a chest affection, to top that off my dad was carrying her down the garden path when he tripped over and they both went flying. Luckily my dad managed to twist his body and somehow protected her head. We ended up in A&E just to check she was o.k, she was but my dad had Brocken his collar bone  She went back to nursery on Monday and now she has a bleeding cold again,  where does it end. And yes when they are under the weather they can be very sensitive 

Take care and don't be to hard on your self you are doing a great job 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks Skyblu  

Hope your Dads ok, I bet you all got a shock that day!

It's awful when they get a run of poorlyness. Poppet started off with a tummy bug then had a nasty fall at nursery and banged her head - trip to A&E, general coughs,colds, sore throats, excma flare up and conjunctivitis   all in the space of two weeks. She's so stubborn and strong she just will not admit she's poorly when she's clearly under the whether. Plus there's the whole rabbit being poorly and dying incident from when she first moved in which has obviously stuck with her and something she often talks about and has had a huge impact on her. Plus we sadly lost our cat recently in similar circumstances. It just makes it hard to care for her as it's like she's scared to tell us she feels poorly  
We've had a fun Christmas orientated day with pony rides and reindeers and Xmas crafts and god bless her she was just not up to it and she was flagging by lunch time but powered through. Since we got home she's had me cuddling her like a baby and been having some lovely snuggly bonding time which has done wonders for her mood. I've explained to her that sometimes Mammies and Daddies get it wrong as well and given her some reassurance and she seems happy with that. Last night was just awful she had such an unsettled night due to all the drama. Just need to forget it and move on now. She's had an early night tonight so fingers crossed it does her the world of good  

Oh and being Santa is hard work isn't it? Blooming marvellous but stressful as well, I think I'm putting much more thought into it all then a 3yr old does but can't help it, just want everything to be perfect for her 🎅

Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

poppets mummy no one can make the right decision all the time how ever hard we try. You are an amazing mum and do a fantastic job with poppet x x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Echo Diva - don't give yourself a hard time. Cuddles & move on. Your doing a fab job and it is hard when they won't let you help them. Sorry to hear about your cat and not long after your rabbit too. Poor poppet being worried hugs x x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi quick me post!  We are alive and happy and settled. Amazing how different things are although that doesnt mean its all going to be plain sailing!!! But its better and love is blossoming!!!! 
We are having to wait for second review to file adoption order but who cares! 
Love to all and thanks for all the support over the last year. We never thought this time last year when doing our prep group that we would be 11 weeks into a placement with two beautiful, intelligent and healthy children! 
And there are negative adjectives of course. Lol. 
Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fran great to hear from you sounds like you're doing so well and have climbed a long way up that mountain x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Great to hear from you Fran x x


----------



## thespouses

So I had my medical on Friday, I had to take little boy with me, I think he was a bit confused! The GP didn't really seem to know what he was doing either.  Hubby will have his on Thursday and then of course they'll get lost in the Christmas post. Sigh.


----------



## gettina

Sounds like progress thespouses!! 
Good luck with it all.
Xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Just heard today that we are going to approval panel on the 7th April 😄😄 xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Skyblue - Its awful when LO isnt well   Our LO had a very bad chesty cold for a week now   He hasnt been himself...not really eating...waking in the night....the runs(!) constantly. Then DH had a sickness bug and he was throwing up!!! I'm desperately trying not to catch anything!!! Im exhausted running around looking after them ... and getting ready for Xmas! Cant wait this year I am super excited!!!!!!  


For all the other Girls out there on the Adoption journey - wherever you are - stick in as its really worth it. Ive been looking back today on last year and it was so, so, so, so hard waiting. I remember throwing a wobbly at our SW as I felt nothing was happening. In the Jan she came back our Big Match!!!!!! Anyway just want to say (badly) well done for staying strong for so long, try not to get down about the Wait as it WILL and DOES happen. 


I was showing Dh some of the subjects/replies/advice on this website the other day. He said he thinks its absolutely amazing that all these women/men out there go on here and really HELP each other. he thought the responses to some questions were very thorough and well thought out. 


Know you are all an inspiration!!! 


Love & Merry Xmas!! Oooops gotta go I have my darling boy wanting on my knee = so happy!


Noodles xxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So lovely to hear from you Noodles have an amazing family Xmas x x x
Great news Adoption Dreams hope it flies by x


----------



## skyblu

Well we have had our first court hearing and thank god both parents didn't turn up and contest. BM sent a heart felt letter saying all she wanted for her little girl was to be safe and happy and after receiving a letter from her adoptive parents(us) saying how well she was doing and how happy she is, she now knows she has done the right thing for her girl as she could never give her what her new family have given her.  bless her.

The judge had said that he has not seen such a well matched family for a long time and if he could give the court order that day he would  Unfortunately everything has to be done by the book, so there is another hearing in the beginning of Jan and then hopefully the naming day will be at the end of Jan or begging of Feb.

Lo is not liking Santa at all. Even though she has seen him three times in the last week or two, she still thinks he is huge, scary and has big whiskers.
She makes me laugh when she says that she is going to be fast asleep when he comes to give her presents 

Merry Christmas everyone.
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Miny Moo

Skyblu - why on earth do they have to have another hearing, thank god we had a sensible judge who said that what ever happened she was granting our AO at the 1st hearing, and that is what she did, we had our celebration hearing date sent with with the 1st hearing date even though we were having it in a different court at the other end of the country. Hope your not waiting to long.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh isn't having two hearings the norm? We have just submitted our paperwork and have been told  first hearing, second hearing, celebration hearing. Why can't they just standardise things  

Anyway, congratulations skyblu!!   and you too noodles   such lovely heartfelt posts  

It's nearly Christmas...


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fab news Skyblu have an amazing Xmas.  Maybe keep the stockings for santa to fill downstairs by the fire away from lo he he x x


----------



## Primmer

It's fab to hear from all you mummy's and daddy's and gives us that are still in the process something to aim and hope for. 

Even though we are not on our prep course till March our va is keen to proceed with some of the other paperwork which has been good as it still feels like, we are doing something. We have completed and sent the sw our DBS forms and our application of interest form and they are being processed. Then yesterday we were contacted by sw and we have been provided with our chronology forms to complete which we will sit down and do over Christmas period.


----------



## Flash123

We are also having three and it could have been four.  We've had the 1st where bf decided he would oppose. We were then given date for 2nd and told that dates for final hearing and celebration would follow. Then........we  received the best Christmas present ever. A letter saying theyve onsidered the evidence, ao is going to be awarded, judge doesnt feel need for additional hearing so 2nd hearing would now be the final hearing. By end of January our little man will officially be ours. Thrilled beyond words. 

Adoption dreams I remember how excited I was when we got our date.  From that point on it seemed to feel even more realistic that we would be a mummy and daddy. And now look, 10 months on and he's already been home for 6 months. Good luck x 

Hello to everyone else xxxx


----------



## Ourturn

Hi Ladies. 13 months ago we went to our information evening, this week we got a unanimous yes at approval panel. Can't quite believe it


----------



## Wyxie

Sorry no personals here, have just had a read but simply don't have time tonight to do more than copy and paste and wish everyone, whatever stage you're at, a very Merry Christmas.

I keep meaning to write something, and not quite managing it.  It's been such a busy few weeks, both practically and emotionally, and I'm completely done in, but things are, I think OK.  In usual me style there are big ups and downs, my mood swings are still quite extreme at times, and hubby is struggling a lot at the moment, I'm only just realising quite how stressed he is, largely because he hasn't really been talking to me much for quite a while, and I'm trying to put a lot of time in that direction, as well as the kids.

But I think things are going OK.  Hectic, really tough some days, but in the right direction.  Wyxling is making big steps forward, and has dealt really well with the incredible amount of stress she's clearly feeling at all the disruptions to her routine, and nursery, and home life, and the extra visits and family scrutiny, that Christmas is bringing.  She's really looking forward to Santa coming, and is happy excited as well as anxious excited.  She did incredibly well learning all the words for her school concert and I was so proud of her for being so brave, and learning all the songs and dancing so well, and she was so genuinely pleased to see us there, I just couldn't stop crying.  Bladelet seems to be doing really well.  He is so incredibly adorable and loveable and yet rascally to the point of me screaming and tearing my hair out.  He is also very naughty!  I know we're not meant to tell our kids they're naughty, and I don't, but my word he is!  Also so completely gorgeous while he's doing it.  His development, over which there are some concerns, appears to be progressing well, although he's still not talking which I have to admit is worrying me.  It wouldn't worry me if it wasn't for his history, because he's only 16 months, but it is doing, and I really wish he'd start talking a bit.

I think things would be great if only I could just get enough sleep to catch me up a bit!  The children don't sleep too badly, Bladelet isn't always great and he's been teething again, but we get a lot more sleep than a lot of parents, at least we should do, but I don't.  I'm just having real problems sleeping at the moment.

Last year Christmas was a wash out.  It was just awful for most of the Christmas holidays.  Wyxling was in such a complete state she fought none stop and we had very little good time together, and a lot of bad.  Christmas dinner was a write off; Wyxling kicked off so badly while I was getting it ready that it ended up sat on the side going cold for 45 minutes before we got her calm enough to sit down and eat it, sullenly.  The whole break was incredibly stressful, hubby clearly didn't want to be home with us, and I couldn't really blame him.

This year I'm actually really excited about Christmas and hopeful for a good day.  I'm sure there'll be upsets given the excitement, but I'm really, really looking forward to Christmas with hubby our babies.  

Also looking forward to seeing how my MIL copes with Bladelet's current habits, given how much she's had to say about how I'm clearly doing things wrong.  It'll be her stuff he's going after for the next three days, so I think I'm just going to sit back and watch how she handles it, just to see where I'm going wrong of course.  

Best wishes to all for a good Christmas, 

Wyxie xx


----------



## Miny Moo

Wyxie, here's to a good Christmas this year, touch wood our 3 previous with our boy have been ok, this year he is extremely excited, as not only does he gave Christmas to look forward to but also meeting his new sister in the  new year.

As for Christmas dinner it has been the one thing we have always said we would not stress about, if he sits with us all well and good if he doesn't want to, not going to stress, he will eat when he's ready, in fact he even had a pot noodle one year for dinner as that's what he wanted. This way it's at least one dinner a year we get to enjoy with taking on his stress.


----------



## snapdragon

Merry Christmas to all. Looking forward to our first Christmas as a family.

Wyxie. Hope this Christmas is better than last. I'm also not sleeping well at the moment and am exhausted. So much to do. We have my parents and mil coming. Can't wait for more of Mil's helpful parenting tips and to be told to take him to the hairdressers as he looks like a girl. My lo was not talking when we were matched to him at 19 months and had about 10 words when we met him at 22 months. He is 3 in February and his speech is still a bit delayed but he is putting 3 words together.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, I just wanted to wish everyone a very merry christmas xxx


----------



## Sq9

Merry christmas everyone and wishing us all an amazing new year   Xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Merry Christmas Everyone. 
This time last year we tried to enjoy our last Xmas as a couple as we were awaiting matching panel and intros starting. This year we really have our wish - he's sleeping upstairs :-D
The Adoption journey is not very fast nor easy but it certainly made all our wishes come true and is very very worth the wait.

This year my wish is for time to go as fast as need be for Everyone on this path to find their little gems that they are meant to love and cherish.

Love to all x x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thank you Gertie.  

To all those forever families having their first of many Christmases have a wonderful day.  Cherish each moment wishing all the lovely ladies on here a fabulous day hope santa has been generous x c x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Merry Christmas to you all, new families, waiting families and everyone on their journey.  We've had a lovely morning and BB has loved it, he's so thrilled with everything he's had so far!  Having a lovely day and hope you all are too.

Much love to your all and thank you for your support over the past year or so.  Love MummyAuntieKatie, Daddy and Bluebird, the cat and the dogs xxxxxx


----------



## gettina

Merry Christmas all. 
I just wanted to say to those not with their little ones to be yet, that next year is likely to be sooo immensely better due to being on this adoption journey.
Last year I had been waiting a year to get going with one LA and had just restarted with another. I was sad (again) and frustrated, hopeful, but wondering if life would indeed be much changed by this Christmas.
Well, only just but my word - so wonderfully. Our littley came home just a week ago so this has been a v quiet Christmas Day, just him, dh and I as he can't meet other people yet (though I popped out to see local family). And yet, best ever. We got him a jumperoo and seeing his smile as he realised he could bounce was magical. 
Hang in there and I so hope your next Christmas is as different as mine has been compared to last year. 

And for those who have had a challenging day with their little ones - Sending you love and strength and I hope they sleep well and you can have a well deserved glass of wine and chocolate fix. 

Much love to all,
Gettina


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations Gettina!!!! Wonderful to read!!! What a wonderful Christmas present!

Merry christmas everyone!!! 

To say it was heavenly(yet stressful) is an understatement! We are a family growing with love and its amazing. I am utterly besotted and so are my family! Hubby especially! 

To all those waiting....its worth every second of it! Truly!! 

Much much love to you all! 

And a very merry Christmas x x x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww so happy to hear from you Fran and totally share your sentiments. 

Must admit Gettina I'm glad our LO had almost 11.5 months with us for his first Xmas as he's now comfortable. Even a few months back, this much attention and family wiukve been too much and hence we would have been just us 3. It was only the last two months we felt he's leaped forward in confidence & feeling part of the family. Good on you sticking to what's best for your family.
X


----------



## skyblu

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful day yesterday, those with their new lo's hope it was all you hoped Christmas would be and the one's waiting, make the most of a quite one as next year you will be knocked off your feet.

This time last year we had known about lo for about a month and we spent last Christmas on a beach with a few mince pie's and a flask of coffee with my parents. We spent the morning thinking about our first Christmas and what was it going to be like.

Well a year on and after 9 months since lo has been with us it was every thing and more what we expected. She woke up at 7.15 and came into our bed for a cuddle and we waited and waited for her to say something. After 10 min I couldn't stand it any more, I got my tablet out and started to record and said to lo " who do you think came last night" and she looked at me as if I had horns growing out of my head. She looked at dh and he repeated the question, next minute she jumped out of our bed ran into her room put her sleepers on and said "mummy,daddy panta, panta panta" She walked into the lounge and went woweeee lots of pesents...............all for me with a big smile on her face. Best moment ever or so I thought. 

We stopped after about 8 or so presents and we started breakfast. lo always helps for breakfast she gets her fruit loops out and pours her milk and then carries her bowl to the table, when she stopped in her tracks and went "uhhhhhhhhh pansta eaten mince pie aaaand drank his beer and Rudolph eaten his carrot tis all gone" she then turned round and went "mummy mummy daddy daddy look another pesant" I said " wow what do you think it is, ar'nt you a lucky girl"  " tis a bike mummy , a pink one" " how do you know it's all wrapped up"  " I told pansta  I wanted a bike and I want a pink one". She then got on her chair and started eating her breakfast, " are you not going to unwrap your present then"  " No mummy, wait, breakfast first then bike". The mind boggles, our girl sure like her fruit loops 
After breakfast she unwrapped the bike, sat on it tried to peddle it but failed and gave up.
after a while and opening a few more presents we noticed she wasn't taking any notice of the bike, so I offered to take out for a bit after the rain stopped, when she turned round and said " no, no like it"  "what, why it's everything you wanted, it's got three wheels, it's pink and it's got peppa pig on it"  " No mummy it's pink and blue, I wanted allllll pink, take back to pansta" . To say I was not amused is an understatement  

I think all in all she had so much from Santa, us and relatives and friends she got overwhelmed with it all. But I truly think she had a lovely day and when she went to bed she said tank you mummy I liked all my pesents and the bike. After a little story from one of her new books she snuggled into me tightly and just before she fell asleep she said " love you mummy" and then she was gone. 

This morning she had to write a card to Santa to say thank you for all her presents and we had a lovely walk on her bike 
But I did find today she was a bit quite and not sure what to do with her self. So tomorrow we are going out to the sales and have lunch out and then she has a party on Saturday and then hopefully things will slow down and back to normal.

To say this year was different to last year............. well most of you know what I mean.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Flash123

It's so wonderful reading all of your stories and precious Christmas memories and experiences. Last Christmas we hadn't even been approved. We had a small hope that this Christmas we may perhaps know of a little one but we didn't dream that he would be sat here, dressed as a snowman playing with his 'yabadaeedoo' car. To those of you who are yet to meet or hear of your treasures, hang on in there because you never know what is round the corner. I can honestly say all the money in the world couldn't buy what dh and I have just shared. Our little man was simply amazing. We visited close family on Christmas Eve. My dearest uncle hasn't long passed away so we visited his wife, daughter and grandchildren. To see the love they felt for little man and the smiles and happiness he brought into a very sad family was so lovely. We then had a quiet Christmas Day with my mum which again was magical. Little man 'ooooooed and arrrrred at his presides, but he had so much (lucky monkey) that we've put some away, yet to be opened. 
One of the high lights for me was Christmas dinner with the 4 of us. Little man loves his food and makes lovely little noises of pleasure when eating. When he had polished off his dinner he put his face in his bowl to drink the gravey and emerged face covered in gravey. It was a classic photo moment! 

Merry Christmas all xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Reading all your stories about your LO's on Christmas Day has put a big cheesy grin on my face thinking 'wow that could be me next year'. Was lovely to read.

Xx


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi,

just needing some advice pleeeaaassseee!!


We have been matched with a lo and now waiting to go to matching panel 31st January, we were told that shortly after introductions will begin and lo will be home maybe within 2 weeks of panel. I have read on the government websites and so on about notice for work and when to give it, it says 28 days notice is needed for my employer and that I can not begin my leave until matching date which i am thinking will be 31st January.  So if this is correct will my notice be given 3rd January ?? 
I am just thinking what if I give my notice before panel and what if panel does not go to plan?.
Also I can not give notice on panel day as 28 days will be after lo is expected to be placed with us plus we need to allow time too for introductions. Very confusing..

sorry if I have confused people :/

Thanks in advance for any advice given.

xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ul you have to give 28:days or as much notice as possible.  You do unfortunately have to tell them before panel however they are expected to be rational and sensitive as they would have to be with a pregnant woman and the fact she could miscarry.  Talk to the correct person one on one and confidentialy would be my advice. Good luck I am sure there will be no hiccups this time but totally understand your reservation x x


----------



## Flash123

Hi unconditional, congratulations on little one. It's such an exciting time.  it's such an awkward position to be in isn't it? I'm a deputy head and although i would have been lot happier to wait, i couldnt wait till after matching panel. My job had to be advertised. It was all done on the condition and understanding that things could change and go wrong at any time butwe 'bent' the 28 rule and I did t hand in my notice till after mp.

Introductions actually started during half term and were planned for only 5 days so my leave started the day little man came home. As for my written notice, things can even change after mp so I stated when I wished my leave to begin but again included a caveat that it was all changeable at any time.

Is there no way you can discuss all this with your boss/ human resources and work out which would be the best and least stressful for everyone.  

Hope u get things sorted Xx


----------



## Arrows

Unconditional, has it changed? When we did it last year you only had to give 14days notice, not 28.
Once matching panel has taken place you normally have to allow 7-10days for the decision to be ratified by the decision maker (just like you approval before) so you normally don't start introductions until then. 
I then went straight back to work and didn't finish till the day before we met our LO! In hindsight I wish I'd taken a few days off before but I think for me personally having 10days off waiting for the decision to be done would drive me crazy and I probably would have gone out and bought a million crazy and unnecessary things! Also remember it's like time off before you have a baby -you only get limited adoption leave so why waste it on time without your LO? Depends of course on when they set intros and what you've got left to do!  
You don't get the matching certificate till the the decision is ratified and the certificate is what work requires as evidence to start your leave officially but they are generally very helpful at work and accept the date you set. Then you can post them your certificate if you don't have time to pop it into work in person.

Christmas has been spent at my folks with my brothers, their wives, children and dogs -10adults, 3 children and 4 dogs altogether! Manic!!
We had a wonderful day with 2hrs present opening in the morning, followed by a further 30mins present opening later as we didn't finish the first time! Mental! LO was spoilt rotten with gifts and has loved playing with his cousin who, at just turned 3, delights in bossing him about (he's just turned 2) and telling him what to do.

After Christmas we are moving house, so it's all hands on deck!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Little pinks placing authority gave us a provisional matching certificate with our names and expected placement date at our pre-panel meeting (the month before panel) because of the 28 day notice period. This meant I could formally give notice of leave in time for intros to start. Much like Flash it was all conditional on it being a yes on the day and ratified the week after. I would explain to HR and/or your SW and see what they say  

Glad to hear of all the lovely Christmas stories. Our house is like a toy store as I'm sure so many of you can identify with   its how it was always meant to be   to those still waiting just you wait for the chaos next year! It will be worth the wait I promise  

Good luck with the move arrows


----------



## snapdragon

UL: You can't do anything until you get the matching certificate. As already said you have to give as much notice as possible but its out of your hands really. My dh who took the leave just told them when he expected intros to start but they didn't get the matching certificate to quite late, less than 2 weeks before.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi UCL, I teach and so went to my head once we had our matching panel date confirmed and explained the situation. They needed to get a teacher in place for sept and ratification wouldn't come through until summer hols. Head advertised my job using the wording 'anticipated maternity cover' and made it clear to candidates that it was subject to things all going through. In an ideal world I didn't want to say anything until after MP but that wasn't an option and in a school as soon as a post is advertised everyone starts to gossip etc but I was touched by how sensitive and genuinely kind people were. Not sure if any of this has helped but I would speak to your boss ASAP and explain things to him/her. Congratulations on your match and wishing you every happiness, very exciting times ahead xxx


----------



## 2708belle

Ahh, what lovely inspirational stories   Can't wait for it to be us next year! Thank you for all the positive encouragement too! xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL     

Thank you ladies for all your responses regarding my work notic, it was all a great help.

I spoke to my boss and he is fine about me giving my notice when I need to on the understanding that things may change, my la also gave me the advice on a date to work towards for introductions but explained the certiicate can not be given till after panel. I read on the Internet on several sites that the notice period is 28 days,  I think 2 sites said 14 days but the .gov one did say 28. I will give 28 days notice to be safe, I also have holidays which will give me a week before introductions to get a few last minute things sorted in the house etc. 

We have life apreciation day on monday which we are looking forward to. I have been trying to get together a list of questions for the foster carers,  does anyone have any advice for me about life apreciation day ?

I hope all you parents that have just celebrated your first xmas have had a amazing time which from the storys on here you have, and to all of us who yet have it to come it is soooooo exiting isn't it. 

Xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been MIA I've been so busy lately and time is rushing away. Things going great here - we have our next meeting on the 13th. I'm honestly counting down the months to approval in April.

DH and I spotted our nursery furniture in the sales - down to half price which is only £800 so we're talking the bull by the horns and going to buy it tomorrow. We can't pass up on such a good opportunity. Am I insane Lol. The store said they will hold onto it for us and deliver after panel xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Go for it adoption dreams x x x


----------



## newmum

Sorry I've been AWOL   just passing by to wish you all happy new year x x


----------



## Sun Flower

*Adoption Dreams *- I am in the same position - hoping for panel in Feb and the pushchair we like has nearly £200 off in the sale, so so so so tempted to rush out and buy it now!!!
I keep looking at it online and I don't know what to do!!

did you buy the furniture?

x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I sure did 😄😄 to good to pass it up. £800 for a set. I've to go tomorrow and organise delivery etc. We were meant to go today but the weather is to wild here 😢😢 xx


----------



## thespouses

So we were hoping to have a pre-application decision on our medicals but it's looking more complicated than that. So we are going ahead with our checks etc. and we may have dates booked in for the HS (because we are 2nd time adopters there's no prep and they are thinking they can cram the HS into 2 full days. Tiring but worth it we hope!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

So excited!!!! Adoption order was granted yesterday and we are now officially a family


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Greeniebop


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Hoorah!!  Well done!


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news greenie - fantastic start to 2014.


----------



## newmum

Aw congratulations greenie and family    fantastic news x x


----------



## Flash123

Woooohoooooo mrs greenie, mr greenie and baby greenie. Fantastic news xxx


----------



## thespouses

Awww lovely news greenie!

I have to say that it kind of passed me by when we got our finalisation, it just didn't seem to change anything, I was surprised, I thought I'd be more excited.  But that's just me...

We've been forging ahead with DBS and references but we're still waiting for something from the medical advisor which is the real sticking point. In theory it should be fine but there was a reason we had early medicals and the agency seemed desperate to get hold of the medical reports but now nothing!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Yipeee  Gteenie . fabulous news - well done      Enjoy!


Mummy Noodles


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous news Greenie so pleased for your wonderful family x x x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fab news greenie congratulations xxx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Greenie, I know how you feel we also had our AO through Yesterday. We are both now for ever families. Well done. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Woo hoo skyblu, congratulations x


----------



## AoC

Well done Greenie and Skyblu!  Congratulations!

I'm terrible, I've done nothing since the AO.  I need to find out what I need to do re long cert and passport etc.  *smh*


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congrats Grennie & Skyblu  

AoC   I was just thinking the same thing! I must get that long birth certificate ordered, haha. We aren't going abroad anytime soon so don't need a passport so there's no need for it but would like it done and filed. 

Today Poppet is dressed as sleeping beauty and is galloping around on a pink hobby horse being extremely adorable 😍 Just thought I'd share xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

CUTE!!!! Poppets Mammy. Sadly munchkin is full of a cold and is currently napping but all I can hear is her coughing away:-( Poorly little girl who is trying hard to fight it and still full of smiles but very clingy and wanting lots of cuddles which suits me just fine x


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

BB is full of cold too and just had a small meltdown in the car on way home from a play date as he obviously flagged, was late for his nap and his calpol had worn off, I know how he feels, I hate it when all you want to do it crawl into bed with some drugs!    Taking him out to see a pal at soft play this afternoon though, come hell or high water, he needs to be kept entertained when he's poorly or he'll drive me mad!


----------



## Zargus

Congrats Greenie and Skyblu x


----------



## crazyspaniel

Lovely news skyblu and Greenie, congratulations!


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Hi ladies

I have been a lurker, I was hoping to be starting the adoption journey soon, but need to wait another year as we have been told we need tobe living together for 2 years 
Anyway i'm so sorry in advance for the me post but we discovered my partners daughter is pregnant.
I am inconsolable. I hate myself for the uncontrolable feelings, its like someone has ripped my heart out. I have no-one who understands or who I can tell. Noone gets the pain of infertility.
Sorry for the selfish post, I jusy needed to tell someone who understands. Its just not fair.


----------



## newmum

((())) scooby   

Stay strong   it's a long long journey but you will get there


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Scooby I'm so sorry these things are so hard to deal with.  Wishing you all the luck in the world for your adoption application.  I would read as much as you can and make sure when you can apply your application is as strong as possible. 

Also be kind to yourself and have time  out from things when you need it.  I think the most important thing this had taught me is you don't owe those round you more than you owe yourself so put yourself first sometimes.  Well till you get through the process and bring a little one home then they always come first x x x


----------



## Sq9

scooby. Take care of yourselves


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Thanks for your replies. Its an inspiration to see your stories, I know it can happen.
It doesn't seem too much to ask- have a baby to love and cherish. Its just floored me. I've been crying for ten days now and I hate the fact its taken over my life again. 
Me and dp have known each other 10 years, been together 3 but lived together just over 1 yr. It just seems ridiculous to have a 2 yr rule. We were all set to have started the adoption journey.
Ironically I work for social services at weekends, I have removed little ones and placed them into care, and i've coped knowing I was protecting them and keeping them safe. But his daughter being pregnant has just torn me.
Thanks for reading, its seeing the happy endings you have that gives me some hope xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Scooby  

Big hugs, I know how it feels, I should imagine that the majority of us do.

One year will fly by, DIY diva is right, you should spend that time getting yourself into the way position you can. We had. To wait 6 months for a prep course and I managed to get the home study pack from the agency which I spent 6 months looking at, thinking about an typing our answers ready for home study....our homestudy took about 8 weeks and was easy because of all of  the prep we had done.bcoyld to something like that to keep you busy? C

I found it incredibly tough hearing anyone's baby news, particularly close family and friends and cried so many tears over the years...BUT as soon as our adoption journey got truly underway it got better, all the way through home study I would say to people that it was like 'my pregnancy' as odd as that sounded, home study was my 1st trimester, approval was 2nd, waiting to meet our link/match was the 3rd...I know I sound dippy but it helped me. I even ate for 2....still doing it now lol.

My babies are now home, and I can honestly say that they could not feel any more like mine, they are perfect and adoption is the best thing ever. I would not change anything, if I did not spend 7 years crying those tears then I wouldn't have my children...who are right for us in every single way.

I promise you that it does get easier and in time the pain will go away and will be replaced with happiness.

X

Typos because of silly phone!!!!


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Dreams do come true- what a great way to look at it! Thanks for your kind words. I knew you lovely ladies would all understand. I've not been able to tell anyone.
Having a better day, and picked myself up again. Drunk some gin last night!! Hubby is fab and so patient. He has had a vasectomy as his kids are older,  the green eyed monster in me is jealous of his 1st grandchild,  just so sad and jealous of it all.
Anyway,  thanks again, so wonderful to see those on the journey and those that have the happily ever after with their child. Xxx


----------



## Wyxie

It's really hard, I can understand why you would find that so difficult.  Other people's pregnancies can be so tough.  It just feels like everyone else gets there so easily and has no appreciation of how hard it is to long for a family that never happens.

Absolutely agree that you should use the time out to make sure that everything else about your application is in order and there won't be any more delays.  Also look into different agencies and decide which you want to use, and find out when courses are etc.  If you use the year to do stuff, the agency will look very positively on that when you come to apply.  Plus, it helps to keep busy.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


----------



## scooby-doo_123

Thanks- I will start looking into things in more detail. I've been reading bits and bobs, mainly on here but its quite hard to peice it together.  Are there any websites you can recommend/questions I should be asking?
I was literally going to way to ring in december,.so its great to think I can do things now. 
The only thing I am worried about is references from ex partners. I went through ivf 4 times because of his infertility, I had started the 5th cycle when I found out he had been drinking excrssively, gambling and had a criminal record. His behaviour became threatening and I was unsafe, I had to divorce him. I have no idea where he is and I do not want him to know I am doing this. He will nbe drinking himself silly in the gutter somewhere
Let sleeping dogs lie!
Have a good day ladies x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

With Ex partner they will simply want to know you have done all you can to try and enable them to contact them but obviously you can't magically produce something you don't know. They are fine about IVF as long as you are honest with them about how you have come to move on from it.


----------



## newmum

Hi all

How are you all? Hope everything is running smoothly on your adoption journeys, well as smoothly as it can  

Today we had our final review and handed in our application for adoption order     so happy    

LO is doing so well she's really blossoming and is such a little treasure. She has a good routine, we've started play groups, she's teething nicely, eating well, has her little strops, blabbing away it's all great. 

Those who are at the start of their journeys hold in there, enjoy your time because before you know it you will have a LO clinging onto you and no time or space for yourself   use this time to research, look at prams, pushchairs etc, believe me it's a minefield     look  at adoption books, I bought the adoption handbook, look at nursery ideas, schools, play groups, parks, support, enjoy a massage, haircut, finance, eyebrow wax etc etc 

Nm x x x


----------



## AoC

Spot on, NM.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi,

How is everyone doing? It's been a bit quiet on here. Certainly not enjoying the nasty weather down here took an age to settle LO last night as the wind was howling. Tried tiring her out today so that it should be easier we have our celebration day on Monday. Super excited as feel its a big milestone and to be honest it will be nice to say goodbye to SWs....don't get me wrong they have been fantastic but it's another step forward and we are finally a forever family

Hope everyone is well and taking care x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi Greenie,

We have ours on Monday too, I can't wait...the kids have gorgeous new outfits and they are going to look so cute!!! DS has a bow tie, I can't wait to see him in it, I think he will look like problem child lol. We get to say bye to sw's...oh it's going to be heaven 

The weather is awful, thankfully not affecting sleep but I do worry that the kids will blow away when we are out playing, it's not happned yet though 

Have you got anything planned for your celebration day?

X


----------



## AoC

*waving to everyone*

Congrats on your upcoming Celebration Days, Greenie and Draems!  We loved ours, just so lovely to be all together and enjoying Bug.

Our weather's not been so bad, so we've been enjoying ourselves.  He's been using his balance bike a lot, and his stamina and range impresses me!  Although we did have a classic damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't tantrum one time - he was too tired to ride, really, but refused to get off.  In the end he was screaming and sobbing because the bike wouldn't go fast enough.  When asked why it wouldn't go fast enough, he sobbed that the wheels were turning too fast.....  Poor Bug!    

He came out of foster care with bad teeth, unfortunately, and we had our first real experience of pain we can't take away at the weekend.  I just wanted to suck it into my bones - I've had plenty of experience of pain and would happily take any amount of his.  :-/  But on the plus side he was a SUPERSTAR at the dentist.  Went up to the room when called, crawled into the chair when asked, lay down and did everything he was asked promptly and with a relaxed, cool dude style that had everyone alternately gaping and laughing.  He even said thank you!  He's only three, for goodness sake, but he coped with his tooth being filled (no drilling, thankfully) like a pro.  Really recommend the approach our dentist suggested - she said he should visit every three months from age two, just to get him used to it.  All she'd do is have a good look and tell him how brilliant he was, how clean his teeth were, and then give him a sticker!  So he loves the dentist now.  Which will serve us well as we see out his decayed baby teeth.

when we picked him up from childminder's yesterday his day book page was covered with "played nicely" stickers.    He's had a few issues lately with behaviour, and I'm really impressed with his childminder.  She stepped back from it, looked for triggers (turned out it happened when other adults came to the house - raised anxiety from intros echoes?) adn took our advice about making his blankie more available for reassurance.  Feels like we've got a great team looking out for him.  

And of course my time with him is filled with little defiances, rebellions, struggles for independence.... and cuddles, "I wuv you, mummy," silly games, songs, stories and incredibly fun times.

How lucky are we?


----------



## Arrows

Couldn't agree more AoC -we are so lucky to have these amazing children in our lives. They definitely have clear ups and downs but they fill your lives so much!
Normally I work Mon-Thurs and DS is in full time nursery 8.30-5.30 on those days so I barely see him. I love my job but only the fact that he absolutely loves Nursery stops me from quitting as I really miss him and have been feeling more like an Auntie than a Mummy.
However, I've been off work for the past two weeks with a badly sprained ankle and signed off for yet another week. Meanwhile DS has fever on Sun and Monday night and his eardrum burst on Tues so he's been off Tues, Wed whilst the antibiotics kicked in. As grumpy as he was and as difficult when I can't walk very far, I've loved spending more time with him and he has too.

I'm so grateful for 2yr old funding!!! Next academic year I'll only be working 2 days a week and thanks to the early funding I'll still bring home the same amount as I do now because of the drastically reduced childcare fees!


----------



## Loki Girl

Hi ladies. I don't know if this is the right place but someone pointed me in this direction!!

I'm not quite ready for the adoption road yet but I know this is the route we will take when I am ready. We are still reeling from our 5th IVF failure and have basically decided for whatever reason it is not working we can't afford to investigate anymore either financially or emotionally!!

Feel like I have been in limbo for the last 4 years but feel we were right to do the IVF. Before this last attempt we went to our local council adoption evening and it was really good and positive and I came away feeling excited that if this last IVF attempt didnt work I would def be ok with adoption. I now find myself kicking myself that I put myself through this last attempt as now I am back to the all the old feelings of failure and despair and jealous of other people with babies knowing finally now I will not have my own. 

I guess what I am after right now is for some experiences from you ladies that moved on from the IVF to adoption. I know its different for everyone but do you have any advice on how you moved on and how long it took? We were honest with our council about having this last attempt and they don't seem to bothered about the wait of 6mths after infertility treatment as they said we had prob deep down resigned ourselves to it not working after so many attempts so would prob come to terms with it quicker. 

I don't want to rush into it as I would think that they prob go through your infertility with a fine tooth comb and I know I need to be ready and feel ok in myself with it before then. At the moment I feel such a failure so we won't be ready for prob a couple of months. 

I have read some of your stories and they do give me hope that some of you are on the older side and have got little ones and that is encouraging. Obviously we'd want as young as possible but doesn't everyone lol?!!! I'm trying to concentrate on positive points we have like I was adopted myself and I had been a nanny for over 24yrs (gave it up with the stress of IVF) but now work on a children's farm. Hopefully that will put us in good steed. I find it ironic in the grand scheme of things that I have cared for so many children and loved a few too much as their parents couldn't be bothered with them and yet am now facing upto I will never give birth. I have no doubt I could love an adopted child because like I said I have loved all the children I have looked after and sometimes it had been torturous to leave them. 

Anyways sorry that's prob a lot of waffling. I don't really know what I am asking for I think I just need to hear some positive stories of ladies who have made the leap from IVF to adoption and never looked back. 

Thank you in advance and hopefully I will be starting the journey in the next few months.


----------



## GERTIE179

Welcome Loki,

I think it's such a personal journey and you'll know when the time is right. For us we deciding against using our NHS go after our last ICSI failed. It had became a long road of 7yrs of treatment with losses. The adoption process can be long and frustrating at times but I have no regret when I look at my lil man and how much he's blossomed.

The below link has some others experiences that may help you.
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=313449.msg5615083#msg5615083

Ps you do sound as though you've given things a lot of thought and being able to love another child irrespective of how they've come to you is a huge part of this.
X


----------



## EverHopefulmum

Hello Loki Girl & welcome,

I know where your coming from....my situation was a little bit different as we had a dramatic full stop to our dream of having a birth child. We had 5 rounds of IVF and after the 5th I got an infection in my ovary from the procedure that went undiagnosed until the point that i collapsed and needed two 8 hour operations to clear the damage. I lost my ovaries and that ended my chances of a natural child. The situation was so bad that for the first 6 months my world was completely dominated by survival and recovery rather than what i had lost, but as my physical condition got better my mental situation got worse I couldn't say out loud that i couldn't have my children without a major breakdown. It dominated my every thought. I thought i would never come to terms with or accept the situation. 

My husband was so concerned about me that he involved a specialist counsellor (privately funded as GP said he didn't know anybody who specialised in the area of fertility), i really didn't want to go, i thought it was pointless, i felt life was pointless. But trust me it was the most amazing thing....although it didn't seem to be initially. I dreaded going, i would cry throughout the session and then come home and cry for the rest of the day, it felt like i was just making things worse. But then overtime (9 months approx) something just clicked, I can't even explain it, my counsellor was a miracle worker, she made me feel so safe to express my deepest thoughts and fears and somehow saying it out loud cleansed me (sorry if that sounds airy fairy, trust me it's not my usual style). Now i can talk for England about our experience without it upsetting me, and i'd shout from the rooftops about the benefits of counselling (which amuses my husband greatly). Throughout our adoption assessment we have been seeing a specialist adoption counsellor (again privately funded), which has also been amazingly helpful as other unexpected emotions come to the surface at different time & previously held believes can be challenged through the process.

Obviously the ability to talk about everything and how i felt & how we worked things through was really handy for the assessment process, but i was surprised how little this was covered by our SW. Maybe because she knew we had sought expert help and come to terms with things or maybe because we waited a good amount of time between IVF and embarking on adoption, I don't know. But what i do know, is for me and us as a couple we never would have got through the process (rightly so) if we hadn't invested in the healing......having said that it might not be right for everyone, this is purely my experience.

Me and my DH were only saying the other day, that despite everything we have been though, all the heartache, we wouldn't change a thing now. We are proud of how we have coped together and wouldn't have it any other way........now thats something i never thought i'd say.

Take care of yourself. x


----------



## AoC

Welcome Loki - you're already doing great, just by thinking through it and asking questions.  Those skills will stand you well!  

We had about a year between our last tx and starting adoption formally.  It felt like the right amount of time for us, and for me it was LOVELY knowing there was no more tx to plan my life around.  I felt a little adrift initially, not having those long-term down reg/stimming/EC dates in my diary, and a couple of friends planned visits so that I had something in the diary to look forward to.  That was so kind and understanding of them!  I tried to move on too quickly without really grieving for birth children.  In my head I was brushing off my hands going, "right.  That's it.  Let's move on," when actually I needed to let myself rant that it wasn't fair and admit to my own sadness.  I could not actually utter the words "it's nor fair," and felt that if I expressed my grief I would break and never be the same again.  I had some counselling which helped loads, then later on I had a little bit more just to get some techniques and tricks under my belt to deal with my tendency towards anxiety and over-thinking.  I did CBT, collected some good approaches and have never looked back.  Both those bits of therapy were looked at very positively by the LA and the VA we had contact with, although the LA wanted us to wait until I'd finished, whereas the VA was happy to work concurrently with the CBT.  (Mostly the LA just wanted us to defer as they were too busy, but aren't allowed to say this.)

People talk about adoption being hard (and yes, the intros and the early months may be the hardest, gruelling work I've ever done) but, man, I enjoyed it way, way more than IVF.  I enjoyed home study and all the chats.  I liked the research and getting closer to DH as we worked things out together.  Remembering those weeks of waiting to have our match confirmed still makes me tingle, even though it was anxious at the time.

I don't know exactly when the grief went away.  Sometime in home study, I think, when I began to realise this really was going to happen, that my becoming a mummy was actually pretty much a certainty.  I know I walked out of approval panel and from that moment on never felt like a woman with something missing again.  In fact, I felt like a woman who had something extra.  

I know when we saw Bug's profile and knew, gut-deep, that we wanted him and would fight for him, I never even had room in my head for thoughts about not having given birth to him.

When we met him, I had to get my head round the fact that if things had gone 'right' for us, and we'd had a birth child, I would never have met him, we would never have been there for him exactly as we are (modified by IF!) exactly as he needed us.  That thought hurts more than IF.

I sometimes get tinges of sadness when people talk about labour and breast feeding, which are two things I really wanted to experience.  But they are just tinges.  And then I go home and play, and wipe faces, and argue about using the toilet, and soothe tears and run races and, boy, it's just not important anymore.

Good luck with your own journey.  It will come right.


----------



## DRocks

Loki you sound like my double lol.
I'm adopted also, was a nanny for 17 years and been a childminder for 5.
Welcome to the adoption board x x


----------



## newmum

Welcome looki girl 

Didn't want to read and run after reading all your lovely personal stories  

Some great advice on here


----------



## Loki Girl

Ladies thank you so much for saying hello and sharing your stories. It just helps me to touch base on here and listen to ladies who have worked through IVF and come through the other side. It certainly feels strange at the moment as the IVF forums have been such a huge part of the last 3yrs!!!

I would like to think I can cope without counselling. My DH and I have worked through so much on our own with support from friends and family. As you can see from my signature we did all our IVF abroad as it was a lot faster and cheaper as we needed donor eggs. I needed a bit of time to get my head round that as whereas I am very comfortable with being adopted, had a great childhood the only thing that niggled me was do I look like my birth mom. I wanted our children to look like us so that was a bit of a blow but we came to terms with it as you do. Then after our 3rd failed IVF we had a fragmentation test on DH's sperm and it was very high so then we had to come to terms with using donor sperm as well. This didnt bother us too much as by now we were just desperate for it to work!!! Despite all of this I am so lucky to have the support of an amazing DH. He is very involved and as much as he is hurting and he cries it has bought us so much closer as a couple. I just wish it didnt have to dominate our lives so much!!!

As much as I am hurting right now I can feel in the darkness a bit of relief that I won't have to go through this again. I think there will always be a sadness not to be able to give birth or see scans without just seeing heartache or being told everything is perfect with my lining etc. but as you ladies seem to proove that diminishes with getting home to your little ones.  

I am mindful of your advice about not rushing as DH said to me as I was reading some of the posts please don't rush. I promised him I won't. When we went to the adoption meeting we had all kinds of worries like our ages and ending up with only having older children but they reassured us we'd probably be in the 0-4 age group so that made us relax a bit and think we can take a bit of time. 

Before my transfer we watched a program called Finding Mom and Dad. It was so sad as these little boys were getting overlooked as apparantly boys are harder to place. I was thinking I could have them in a heartbeat lol!!!

Anyways thank you so much. I will keep an eye on this board and I know it will be a sometimes difficult and emotional journey so it will be nice to come back on and get some advice. At the adoption talk we went through there was a lady there who had adopted her boys about 10yrs ago and like me and gone through many failed IVF attempts before moving to adoption. She told me if you can cope with IVF then adoption will be a breeze!! Not sure it will be a breeze but it made me think more positively we CAN do this and our forever family is waiting out there for us. 

DH and I have said we are going to take some time and book a nice holiday for the summer. We haven't had a decent one recently as it's all been taken up with saving for treatment or can't book anything cus I might be pregnant!!! So for the first time today I have felt like doing something instead of moping around I am off to get some travel brochures!!!

Thank you all so much again xx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi and welcome Loki girl,

We did two cycles of Ivf, but sadly both ended with little angels. We decided after the first Ivf that we would only do two as it was not financially possible and emotionally I knew I couldn't go through it all again. We waited a year before proceeding with our adoption enquiry as we had bp been advised before hand that there needed to be a year since our last cycle. I am glad to say here we are 5 years from our first Ivf and our son was home. So miracles do happen.


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies,
I don't post on here often as still in early stages but just read your stories for Loki Girl and they are so lovely to hear. Just wanted to say thanks for posting them. 
Gives us all hope and good advice xxx


----------



## becs40

Hi Loki,
We're a teeny bit ahead of you here in that we're waiting for an appointment for our initial visit so we can get started. We had 3 failed ivf's the last one being November. We always knew our chances were virtually nothing so although each attempt was hard at the time I did quickly move myself forward again. It wasn't until we seriously started looking at adoption I realised quite how much it drags you down, the ttc bit I mean. Reflecting now I feel like the last 7 years have been one battle after another for treatment etc all the time you're only ever focussing on 1 cycle at a time never daring to dream about life as a family. 
I can honestly say hand on heart I'm in the very best place I've been in years at the moment. I know it's going to be a struggle and I know these children come with their own set if issues but we will be a family and we will relish the challenge (most of the time lol!). But I now look to our future again and the dreams have come alive again. I'm ok chatting to pg girls at work, loving chatting with colleague about her new baby grandson all without the pain and tears.
I'm 41 by the way so very similar in age.
Good luck and hope to see more of you.


----------



## Flash123

Morning Loki and lorella and welcome to these fab boards. They really are an invaluable source of help, comfort and celebration. When we decided no more treatment the relief was amazing. I had nothing left to give ivf. When our last fet failed I really didn't feel sadness but that wasn't because I wasn't devastated but because I believe you cannot break a heart that is already broken. I was numb due to heartbreak. Straight away I contacted la but was told to wait. I thought this was utterly rediculous and was convinced I was ready. I know now if we had of persued adoption then it would have been another failure.

In the months that followed I hit rock bottom and depths of depression I had never touched before. The grief I felt for a birth child was physical pain and it was an effort to get out of bed some mornings. It was all consuming but something i needed to go through. With the help of acounsellor I had been seeing throughout my treatment, Bit by bit the fog lifted and one day in aug, 3 months later, I woke up knowing I was ready. That day I contacted sime la's  to get some info, never thinking any would visit but that they did. At one long, extensive initial visit we talked at depth about our treatment and amazingly they thought we were ready too. And so it began. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in the sept so home study was delayed until post surgery and didn't start till October. We had our par in jan, went to panel in feb and found out about our little man the next day. mp was in may and we met him end of may.

IVF broke me and nearly broke my marraige but moving onto adoption was the best thing I have EVER done in my life. Our little man was so meant for us, I just needed someone else to give birth to him. I too really enjoyed it, we had a fab sw who has made our dream come true.

Even during hs it took a long time for me to accept and believe that we would have a family, all the years of failure had taken away my hope but adoption gave it back.
I can't pretend that I don't still get sad and that adoption is a magic wand that takes everything away. For some it is, for me it isn't . I miss the fact I cannot breast feed my baby, have him placed on my belly just born, see and feel him kick but that just wasn't meant to be. If that would have happened we wouldn't have our little man.

Good luck flash xxx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi ladies,


Our sw came yesterday and we signed the paperwork for the adoption order    Does anyone know what sort of time scale we are looking at ? 


Thank you x


----------



## Flash123

Oooooo.  exciting times macgyver. To be honest it all depends how on the ball your sw is. O We filled in ours for our second review which was sept but it didn't get submitted till nov. first hearing was dec then final hearing should have been end of jan. it should have been 3 months ish but issues have resulted in a delay. 

HTH


----------



## AoC

Well done, Becs.    And well said, Flash.

The thing is, without IF and tx, I wouldn't have such an insight into pain and loss, feelings of helplessness, blame and fear, guilt, grief and anger.  I wouldn't understand as much as I do about how different families can be, that fall in love/get married/decide to have children/have babies/bring up happy children isn't such a given. I wouldn't have learned so much about how to get through all of that, and how to love myself throughout it, how to spot opportunities and how to grow.  All of which, every damn sobbing, desolate, degrading and disempowering moment, made me stronger, and gave me skills to help Bug.  And I'm grateful.


----------



## Flash123

I so get you aoc, well said.  Dh and I were talking about it and he says he struggles now to remember the sadness, I don't because it was those times that have brought me here to this point and made me what I am. And to be honest I'm proud of myself for getting through it because if you would have told me 14 years ago when we started ttc, that i would be sat here today, smiling, I would never have believed you. 

Every tear, every moment led us to our little men - we are so lucky xxx


----------



## newmum

Macgyver snap    we signed ours last week and have been told that it will be around 4 weeks till we get order, but have been told that BM will contest but nothing to worry about! Yeah nothing to worry about ummmm?


----------



## becs40

It's so lovely reading these truly heartwarming and inspiring posts. If anyone had asked me a year ago that I could "Accept" not being a birth mother I would have thought them crazy. Of course there is sadness and there always will be to a degree and probably highlighted when you do find your lo, I would imagine then it's even harder to think of your child who you love not having had the start in life you would want them to have had. 
For me I started to focus and really look at  why we had been ttc? I think you often start out on that road without really thinking about what it is you're wanting if that makes sense. And for me I started to think about those "moments" the day to day stuff with the little things that children say or do that just suddenly lifts you. It could be running and playing with them, cuddling and giggling, just hearing them tell you they love you and being the most important person in that child's life. All of those things and more we can have through adoption so I haven't lost that. I have lost some of the most important and magical moments of a mothers life as you say Flash, the moment I'm sure we all imagine the moment you become a mother and meet your baby for the first time, and the closeness of bonding with that baby through breastfeeding. These are moments I can't have and I have to accept that but life is full of compromise and if we were to break it down simply and someone says to you it's a choice between losing those moments in exchange for a lifetime of other ones the decision is made in a heartbeat. 
I hope it doesn't come across as flippant because there have been floods of tears over the years and there will be more I'm sure but what doesn't break you makes you stronger. I think we're also incredibly privileged in a strange way in that going through all of this means we don't take children and family for granted, we know only too well what a miracle it is and how precious those little ones are.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Mac, we submitted our application end of December. First hearing scheduled for mid march and hopefully second for the month after, everything crossed. Good luck for a speedy turnaround  

Lovely heartwarming posts ladies


----------



## Macgyver

Thanks for the replies everyone 

New mum

I can't believe it when they say don't worry that the bm will contest it ahhh, what are we meant to do? Be happy about it.  I haven't been told bm will contest, the last I heard was they are happy he was being adopted as they knew they couldn't look after him. But we still worry they will change their mind in the mean time.  

Fingers crossed for a quick turnaround as would lipove to take him away on his first hols soon xx


----------



## Macgyver

Good luck with your AO lolly and new mum and anyone else going through it at the moment


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

And you Mac   All the autumn matching panel and intros thread are getting there, hooray!!


----------



## newmum

Thank you macgyver  

Ditto from me to lolly and everyone else


----------



## Loki Girl

Just wanted to say thank you again for sharing your stories. I have felt a little bit lost without the support of the IVF board I was on. Everyone is moving on, the lady who had transfer same day as me got her positive and the next lady who went out got hers as well. There is no point me dwelling on that stuff that's in the past so came off the board. Just having contact with ladies who have been through what I am facing is so helpful and I thank you all for sharing what was prob the most difficult part of your lives too. 

I was feeling better till AF showed up yesterday, only 2 days after OTD and my 1st day back of work after taking all my holiday to do the IVF so yesterday was a down day but doing better today. 

Like you all say its going to take some time and I need to take time to grieve. 

Good luck to all of you starting the journey or nearing the end and hopefully will see some friendly faces when we are ready to start. 

Really appreciate it all


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone. We had our celebration hearing today and it was such an amazing experience. We had everyone there who had played a part in helping and supporting us during this process and the judge was fantastic. Lots of laughs,  hugs and happy tears. Feeling very blessed x


----------



## newmum

Aw lovely greeniebop gives me goose pimples   congratulations x


----------



## gettina

Fabulous greenie - so much to celebrate huh! 
So chuffed it was a great day for you all with lots of love in the air
Gettina


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant news Greenie glad it was a wonderful day x x


----------



## Flash123

Wow greenie, congratulations to you, mr greenie and baby greenie. So pleased it was a wonderful day for you all xx


----------



## Macgyver

Congratulations greenie family xxx


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations greenie


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Greenie Family 

We have ours next Tuesday, did you take SW's out for a meal or buy any presents?
Would be interested to know what others have done.

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks everyone.

Skyblu. We booked a table at a local hotel for cream teas. We took everyone who came to court - friends, family, SW and FC. It was a lovely way to say thank you to them all all for all of their support in helping us to become a family. LO was the centre of attention and loved running around with 2 of her little friends. We just wanted to make an occasion out of it for her and for everyone who had taken time off work etc to be there. I think that we are going to have a party necktie month for LO and invite all her little friends etc. my advice would be to give someone your camera. I hardly took any pics but luckiy a friend got some lovely ones. Have a fantastic day on tues skyblu and enjoy it. It's a lovely milestone x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Greenie - congratulations, sounds like a fab day  

We kept celebration day intimate, we had our SW's at court, got them a small token gift and made a Thank you picture with poppet for both of them. We (DH and I only) then had a day out with poppet where she got to pick what we did which was McDonalds for lunch, shopping spree in Disney shop, movie, home for ice-cream and chocolate goodies and sofa snuggles. Not exactly how I would of planned the day, but we all had a nice time and it's typically how a 3yr old would plan their own special day  

A little tip for those of you with an iPad. There's an App called Cartoon World which apparently is normally £15.99 however every now and again has a glitch and is free - which is how I found out about it and downloaded it. It has LOADS of kid programmes and films, old school ones and new ones, tons of Disney classics and recent films - it's brill. It's going to save us a fortune in Disney film costs, it even has Frozen on  

Xx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hi everyone, 


So sorry for not being around, been so busy. I have had viruses after viruses, it's been a nightmare.


Well we have our hearing on the 5th march, so praying the birth parents don't turn up. Everyone thinks they won't. So the 5th could b the date our order is granted and little man becomes ours officially   


He has grown up so much, he's 1 in 2wks. I never thought I'd ever get to celebrate the 1st birthday of my own child, so it's gonna b emotional for me.


Had some issues with 'friends' lately as a few of them have been arguing about who's bring part of my sons life the most and seeing him more etc etc....they all said oh when u have ur baby we can do this and do that but now I'm a mummy they don't wanna no me. I get left out of everything, they now treat me differently because my child is adopted. I feel so alone and down    




Hope ur all well


Lou xx


----------



## newmum

I'm a mummy to a baby boy firstly   And congratulations for your hearing date, how wonderful  

Are you sure thats why your friends don't want to know you, this is horrible. If they've been fighting over who see your son the most doesn't this mean they care about you and your son. I'm so sorry to hear this and you are better off without them if this is the case. Do you have any family, colleagues or any one else you can get support from play group Mums?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congraulations IAAMTABB. Sorry your friends are upsetting you. Have you looked into adoption groups in your area it might give you the company you want and give you a break from others if they are stressing you. 

DH and I are linked to two Pinks 3 years and 12 months. Couldn't be happier   . Hoping MP will be the start of April and intros at the end.


----------



## newmum

DIY diva congratulations x


----------



## Arrows

Being a parent changes your focus, availability, energy levels and priorities. I think a lot of us have found that our circle of friends has changed a lot since little people came into our lives.
I deliberately moved away from some as I disagreed with their parenting and some wouldn't stop trying to interfere with my parenting of LO. I don't see a lot of my single/ friends without kids because to be honest I'm so knackard at the end of a day I want to go to bed at 8pm and definitely don't have the energy to meet them to go to the cinema for a 9pm show! I've made some amazing friends through meeting parents of children the same age as LO too.

The fact your friends are arguing about time spent with your LO is annoying but does indicate the want to spend time with you. If you hate them doing then I'd be tempted to tell them your LO is not a toy to be fought over so quit acting like kids!


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Thank u all for ur replies,


My 'friends' have stopped contacting me since I became a mum. They don't bother talking at all. It's mad cos I was left out of doing childrens stuff before I was a mum and now they seem to bother less with me. I have looked for adoption support groups in my area but there doesn't seem to b any, which is a shame.
I did talk to my one friend who keeps moaning about others seeing my son more, I said u can b part of his life but so do others want to and since them she has cut all contact. Some ppl are so hard work  


Anyway I'm not gonna let them get to me no. Ore, it's their loss not seeing my son. He doesn't need ppl in his life that are gonna act childish like that. I don't want ppl to come in his life then leave again as he will think everyone leaves him. We have our family around us so that's not to bad. 


Plus I have the wonderful world of fertility friends, u all understand wot it's like to go through wot we all have and no one judges each other. B lost without u all   


Hope u are all well & this terrible weather isn't to bad in ur areas. Last nite it was horrible, it kept me awake most of the nite.


Love to u all
Lou xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Lou I would try calling your agency and asking them what is available in your area.  My team send me an invite to an event at least once a month which once the girls are here I will be going to.  If you go to stuff like that then hopefully there will be new friendships forged.  Also just say you feel meeting and mixing with other adopted families would really benefit you and your son is there anyone they could put you in contact with.  I know our agency would always help in any way they can and I'm sure yours will too x x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

DIY DIVA I've just caught up on your signature - you are linked? WOW wonderful news. How old are the girls? X


----------



## GERTIE179

Iaamtabb - I asked our SW and he hooked me up with an adopter local to me who was pre AO too. Doesn't need to be an actual event. Our agency also do post support groups a few times a year where I've made arrangements at times with others.

X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks adoption dreams they're 3 years and 12 months and the most beautiful children in the world x x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

THank u for advice I think I will ask them to see if there is any groups etc....


Lou xx


----------



## Macgyver

Hi, iamtabb

Do you still have contact with people you met at your prep group etc. our prep group are still in contact and most of us have children placed now. We get together once a month and chat online all the time. Maybe they can also give you support and company. Xx


----------



## Sun Flower

We have not been to panel yet but our SW has put us in touch with a local couple who have adopted 3 times, we have been to visit and they now keep in touch via text and email. They are a great support and I'm sure they will continue to be after placement as we have talked about meeting up for children's parties, days out and BBQs in the summer. 
Could your SW put you in touch with local adopters? X


----------



## Mrs ABA

Hello all
I am mummy to a wonderful little boy who is now 1.5 years old and who fills our hearts with joy every day!
Iamtabb - I found the first few months a bit lonely but made new friends via mumsnet meet ups, a local parents group, our prep group and asking mums i got on with in the local park for their phone numbers- felt like dating!  


Anyway, I have quite a specific question for you ladies. Work has asked me to consider a temporary post abroad in Brussels for 2 years. Dh is keen and the childcare and money Is better than here.  The thing is that we would like to adopt again. We don't mind waiting 2 years for that, but are concerned that LAs might  not like the fact that we have been abroad and might make us wait even longer. I know some are really sniffy about moving house.  Does anyone have experience of this?


Thanks v much!!


A xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Mrs ABA, sorry I can't help...as never been in that situation. i just wanted to say I love the phrase 'some are rather sniffy at...' It realy does sum up some SWs   


Hope you find the answer you're looking for and good luck.



Noodles x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone,

Today was our little mans celebration hearing and we truly have had a wonderful day. 
We're all shattered now but so worth it. 

He's all ours now wahoo 

Hugs xxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Congratulations Emma - really glad you've had a lovely day x


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations Emma and family


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoooooooooooo Emma and family congratulations x x


----------



## Flash123

Wooohoooo Emma. Congratulations to you' daddy Emma and baby blue Emma. I'm so glad it was a wonderful day for you all.xxxx

DIVA OMG I've just seen your linked. Wow, that's amazing news. I hope so much that the next few weeks/months go as smoothly as they can and you are joined by your princesses very soon . Fanblinkintastic xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thank you Flash we can't wait x x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations Emma and fingers crossed for you DIY.  Hope it all goes through quickly xxx


----------



## gettina

Whoop whoop Emma - glad you had a fab day.

Mrs ABA - I haven't any experience of adopting after being abroad but fwiw I would say so long as you are convinced your ds seems able to cope with a move, you should crack on and live life and enjoy the experience you are being offered. you are less likely to take such an opportunity later with two children perhaps.  We have all lived for the future in this game- enjoy the here and now for a while and let the future work out later. 
Hope you get more informed advice though! 

Quick Hey everyone while I'm on   Our little boy has been home nearly ten weeks and it's flown. Love him more every day.   I do like nap time every bit as much as awake time mind and really wish I was more capable at getting the buggy up and down! Don't know when that skill will kick in - reckon it's a faulty model but dh says I'm just [email protected]! 

Good luck to everyone with their next steps.

Gettina x


----------



## GERTIE179

lol Gettina - well my LO has been home 13.5 months and my DH still cant work the buggy hehe Alas I have the same problem with my telescopic hoover - im sure its a dud too ;-D


----------



## Flash123

My cooker is the same, the temperature keeps changing and burning things. Strange!!!!!


----------



## Mrs ABA

Thanks Gettina and congrats to Emma!


I still find the buggies darn difficult after 6 months, and when people ask me what the toughest thing about adoption is, I say getting used to carrying a weighty toddler! DS was 9 kilos when he came and he nearly did my back in!  All worth it though.  I think pre-adoption courses should include weight training.  Other mums are broken in gently!!!


A x


----------



## Arrows

LOL Mrs ABA, so true!!! Ours was 10.2kg and killed my back!


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,


Bringing good news!!!


I have had a brake from here for a while as i wanted to bring good news the next time i came on, so here goes......

We finally have a forever family   We was matched with a little boy and begun our introductions last tuesday which was very emotional and amazing meeting our son for the first time just melted our hearts completely. We brought him home forever on monday and we are all settling very well as a family. Words cant describe how we feel.

We hope everyone on here has had their dream come true or will have in the near future. Its been a rocky road but one we would go down again.

Two very happy and proud parents to a precious baby boy. I never thought i would fall in love again but i have   

Love to you all.

xxx


----------



## becs40

I'm new here unconditional love so don't know you but loved your post. Congratulations, I hope the coming days will be easy on you and you get to enjoy your baby boy. It must be so exciting and terrifying at the same time! Enjoy being a Mummy!


----------



## Flash123

Wooooohooooooo unconditional . Lovely to hear from and especially with such fantastic news, you've made my day. Enjoy every moment with your forever family. Take care xxxx


----------



## newmum

Fantastic news unconditional love,,congratulations x x


----------



## Sq9

Congratulations unconditional. Fabulous news   .  Enjoy every second


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased ul enjoy your happy ever after x x


----------



## Wyxie

Wonderful news UL!  

I've been recommending weight training to prospective adopters for ages and people always think I'm joking!  Wyxling was 19 months at placement and weighed over 15.5 kg!


----------



## Primmer

Unconditional - thank you for such a lovely update - it's great to hear such amazing news


----------



## Poppets Mammy

YES!!! Congratulations UL - amazing news! So pleased for you and DH  

Wyxie   Crickey poppet was 15kg's as she turned 3yrs old! Lol x


----------



## gettina

Unconditional you busy little minx! 
Congratulations - so so thrilled at your happy ending/beginning.
  
Keep in touch!
Gettina


----------



## DRocks

Congrats UL x x x


----------



## liveinhope

We are all signed up for starting approval process again for no2!  Gulp!  The lady on the phone said panel in 4-5 months as we only have to do stage2!!  Here we go.....!


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats UL - well worth the wait x
LIV - congrats on getting started for no 2. I think arrows and Thespouses are at similar stages for extending their families x


----------



## Arrows

yay LIH!  We were together in the process with Thespouses the first time too so nice to be together this time as well. 

Our's told us 4mths but I reckon more like 5. Back to debating whether to access wedding invites for Oct but we'll accept and if we have  to pull out than I guess that's that.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Sorry I've not been around much, I'm so tired after work which means I've not been on much.

We were told on Monday that our panel is been pushed back a month 😢 it's hard not to feel disappointed but I'm just telling myself that it WILL happen in May. If it gets pushed back again then I will be hysterical. I'm literally counting down the days, I'm just so desperate to hear the big fat YES word. X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Adoption dreams - our approval panel was knocked back a month just a few weeks before hand due to I complete paperwork. As upset and frustrated as I was I clung onto the faith that there was a bigger reason. With our approval panel being when it was it meant we found our Poppet at the perfect time. Our matching panel and intro's were then moved back 2weeks (can't remeber why?!?) and that was devestating but we got there in the end and it is truely wonderful. Cling on to that dream, it will be reality soon enough  

Poppets started hugging DH and I and saying 'you both are my family' with a big huge grin on her face   god bless her she's just scrumptious  
She'll of been home 1year in a couple weeks, where has that time gone


----------



## newmum

Wow poppets mummy a year!! I remember following your updates, time flies eh! X


----------



## gettina

Oh that's hard adoption dreams. It's horrible having the uncertainty hanging over you longer. But it probably just means less time waiting 'at the other side' for a match.

Gettina


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry AD it's really frustrating and upsetting when stuff is messed around like that.  

Gosh poppets mummy that's really flown.  Bless her she's such a character x x


----------



## Zargus

Congrats Unconditional Love.  We have a provisional date for matching panel and all being well, introductions early May.  Reading your post was so lovely, and I can't wait until I am writing a similar post myself 

Good luck to Liveinhope for number 2.  I hope it is easier the second time round.  It sure is a tough process and I’m not sure how I’d cope doing it all again.  

Hang in there AdoptionDreams.  As frustrating as it is, you will get there.  I am a firm believer in fate and there is a good reason you have to wait a little bit longer.  It will be worth it in the end


----------



## Cbelle1

Hi all

We have decided to move on from IVF and start looking into adoption as the way to start our family. If anyone has any experiences of the Norfolk system, i would be most grateful to hear them!

From (a little bit scared) Chelle
xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi All. Popping into say hi! Hope everyone's journeys are going well..sorry to hear about your hold uo Adoption Dreams. 
Poppets Mammy ....wow a year has it really! Takes me back. CongratulationS
Chelle.....its a scary journey to start with but the worst bit is deciding and actually doing it and you have done that bit. The rest of it is like a scary excitement bit like being pregnant. You will be fine. I have had a rollercoaster of a journey but its worth it. Just been to check on my sleeping urchins and it still melts my heart!.hang in their and congratulations on starting this journey!.
Unconditional love.....I am so so happy for you both. Wonderful news! Happy mummy times!
And hi to everyone else!
Afu....life is good. Children are four and two now and been with us five months. Its a roller coaster but it is coming good. we all love each other and care for each other and although had a rocky time with girl urchin we have finally hit a smooth patch! Looking at my son is like watching drops of sunlight fill the room he is just amazing! My daughter and I talk about how she wasnt born of my tummy but she was born of my heart. She likes that and she has accepted me now which is a joy when she comes to me and says love you mummy! We arent quite there but the potential is amazing. 
Have to say we are trying to sort out child care for when we return to work and omg nightmare! Sooooo expensive, I mean one of us could stay at home but we dont want to. Thinking of getting a home child carer. But who knows. 
Love and luck to everyone! X x x


----------



## Flash123

Simply a Wonderful post fran, straight from the heart. I'm thrilled for you and your family of urchins xxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Love it fran gorgeous update.  X


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me joining you, I am not new to ff but new to this section of it. I am 39( almost 40!) DH is 40 and I have had 3 negative cycles, icsi, 1st one 1 egg zero fert, 2nd, 3 eggs, 1 fert but didn't survive it transfer, 3rd, 3 eggs, 1 transferred but bled before test day, I have severe endo and can't put myself through any more tax, physically and mentally.  I never wanted to consider adoption until I had to, which now really I do! DH didn't even want to consider or talk about until recently, when he agreed to read a pack which he did,  I work for a LA and walk passed adoption office every day which is hard! Last week I was in the loo and one of the SW I know so plucked up the courage to ask a few things! , I am still not 100% but she said that is perfectly natural! I have a lot of fears/uncertainty about having to have contact with BF, having LO then being contested, would I love it as I should ( which I know I would but everything running through mind!!) , does this seem normal But on the other hand I know we would make such good parents we have nice home, financially stable and lots of love. Well the sw I spoke to is com g to speak to us next Tuesday after work to talk to us about everything, which is a start! 
Thank you xxxx


----------



## AoC

Perfectly normal, Freedo!    Take it step by step and remember that although adoption is about finding families for children, not finding a child for a family, your needs as parents are relevant and real, too.    Focus on the lots of love bit, 'cos your nice home will get trashed and children (from whatever source!) are financially de-stabilising....  

I can remember being worried about the contact with birth family bit as well, but in most cases it comes down to writing a letter once or twice a year, and sometimes meeting them once so that you can tell the child about them more easily.  That bit's hard, but very, very worthwhile and most people come out of it feeling better about everything.

Good luck!


----------



## Sq9

Fab inspiring post fran.  Welcome and good luck with your journey freedo    Hope everyone else is ok   
6 months ago today we were at approval panel but no sign of a match anytime soon.  Hurry up lo and find us


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs SQ9 you're in my thoughts and praying you get your lo and happy ending very soon.  You have shown the patience of a Saint x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hey everyone. Hope you're all well. Yesterday was our final SW visit for the assessment. In total it took 5 months, 12 visits, around 45 hours of talking, LOTS of homework, reading, soul searching, loss of sleep and many mixed emotions. Our final meeting was rather draining with SW and her TL - in fact I would say I was grilled but I think it's due to my career rather than anything else. We now sit tight for a few weeks and await a copy of our report - I imagine that will be an interesting read. Panel date is still a little unclear but we're aiming for May. Then the real wait will begin... 

Our disclosures also arrived today and I felt myself getting emotional. There it was in black and white - ADOPTIVE PARENT! Wow xx


----------



## becs40

Well done adoption dreams, I bet that must feel strange now! Hope the time between now and panel flies by for you.
We've just done our first day prep training and it was really good and I found myself getting quite choked when the sw kept saying "your children" . Those are words we've been waiting a long time to hear. We're still so far away from it so I just hope the time flies by.


----------



## oliver222

Congrats AdoptionDreams, hopefully wont be too long till your panel date.


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## pyjamas

Chellebelle, We are also in Norfolk. Mostly good experiences for us. Our SW was really nice and supportive during Home Study. I was unwell part of the time, had an ovarian cancer scare and then needed a hysterectomy in December but she kept in contact with us throughout. Now we feel a bit neglected! Have seen a few profiles but felt none were right for us. Liked three profiles seen at Families for Children evening but were told later that they were not suitable because birth parents live in Norwich like us.x


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## Mrs ABA

Freedo my dear - your thoughts are totally normal.  As you see from my signature, we have a lot in common!  I became a mum last summer and am a totally different woman than that poor soul doing IVF.  I spent yesterday afternoon making a cake with DS, spilling flour all over the place, dancing with DS to the radio on full blast and almost bursting with happiness.  I wish I could have seen that picture when I was going through umpteen tx.  Motherhood rocks whether adoption or not and I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful LO.


Congrats adoptiondreams!



I have a question for those of you who are adopting for the second time.  Is there some kind of policy to make you wait a certain period of time?  we wouldn't mind starting in the autumn which is about 15 months since DS came home.


A xx


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## Flash123

Mrs aba, I dont know if it differs According to your authority but we were asked to have little mans sister when he had been home about 5 months. Our sw has also said that as soon as the ao is granted that we could 'apply ' for number 2. 😊


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## liveinhope

We were told we had to wait for DS to be home 2 years before we could apply for a non-related child.  Obviously if its a birth sibling that's different.  I would check out with your LA what their policy is....


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## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

We heard today that we will be seeing our PAR on Monday. We will meet with our SW in Tuesday to discuss it all. Panel will now be on the 19th May!! X


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## Flash123

Fab day for panel...my birthday


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## oliver222

AdoptionDreams said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> We heard today that we will be seeing our PAR on Monday. We will meet with our SW in Tuesday to discuss it all. Panel will now be on the 19th May!! X


Yay fantastic news, not long to wait.


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## Frangipanii

Hi ladies. Wow this is quiet! I am just being really soppy now! But I just wanted to tell you all that I am totally and utterly in love with my children! My daughter has some behavioural issues but is absolutely wonderful when not acting up(more time and attaching needed) and my son is the most special child I have ever met. I never ever thought I could feel this strongly but my love is so strong it makes me cry and my heart pound! And they really love us too. 
So anyway I am writing this in bed with hubby and ds as he has a cough! And I wanted to share the joy! 
Love to all!!!


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## GoofyGirl

Thanks for sharing Fran, am so happy to hear how much you love each other and how happy you seem. 
Great to hear it is going so well I remember it was really tough at first so it's useful for prospective parents like me  

I'm getting tired of waiting. Our SW kept telling us how straightforward we are, he envisages no problems, so why are we waiting so long. We were told 6 months if all went to plan, we have gone to plan and it will be 10 months, assuming they don't delay panel!  We finished HS in March but the provisional panel date isn't til June 16th. Sorry for rant. I was doing so well now all of a sudden I feel impatient. 
I understand there will be loads more waiting during finding, matching etc but this panel wait just seems totally unnecessary. Especially given the 15000 children who are also waiting!!

On a more positive note I guess it's only 6 weeks away now. 
Then the real waiting can begin. 

Hope everyone else is ok xx


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## pyjamas

All housework done as SW coming round this afternoon with a new profile.   this may be the one for us! x


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## GoofyGirl

How exciting pyjamas
Hope so


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## AoC

LOVE that post, Frangi! 

Oh good luck pyjamas!  I still remember how the paper of the profile who became Bug felt under my fingers.  It was such an emotional moment for us.

We're doing great.    Like Frangi, we really had some tough times early in placement and I look back now and am utterly amazed how far we've come.  

This morning I walked my son to school (pre-shcool, he's 3.5 and has started at the village school which will be his till he's 10, god willing) hand in hand.  He held my hand happily, talked about things all the way, made my hold tightly and run down the steep hill with him, said good morning to Mama sheep and her two lambs, good morning to the lady we met last week on our walk, good morning to the ducks.  He stopped to look at the wild strawberry plants I pointed out to him last week, was careful not to tread in the mud in his new shoes (although he's usually a mud-magnet!) and pointed out the bluebells in the hedgerow.  We sang "five currant buns....." very loudly as we walked over the bridge and in to school.  He hang his coat on his peg, said hello to people, had a 30 second phase of clinging like a monkey, then spotted the books.  In the middle of pulling out Room on the Broom and Monkey Puzzle, I reminded him I was off to work, and that childminder would pick him up after his lunch.  I got a smacking kiss and left him happily finding books.

This is my life.  I am so, so very lucky.


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## Lorella

Really lovely posts to read Frangipani and AoC xx


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## Sq9

Fab posts fran and AoC  . Makes us remember why we are doing this.

Afu - coming up to 8 months since approval and still waiting for a profile.  Fingers crossed things are moving in the right direction but nothing more than that at the moment.  Hurry up lo - we can't wait to meet you  

Hope everyone else is ok xx


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## AoC

*g*  I spoke too soon.... Bug went Old Skool on us last night.  Man!  He made story time impossible, then when I had to cut short second story book he went ballistic, throwing books and toys around his bedroom and refusing to accept cuddles, remonstrance, reassurance, consequences or telling off.  Finally, at 9.30pm he agreed to help tidy up his room, have a snuggle and go to sleep.  He didn't want me to go, so I agreed to get a book.  Then I got:

"MUMMY!"  *dramatic sigh*  "You're turning the pages too loud!  I'm TRYING to SLEEP!"

Little monkey.  

I will say this, though:  in some ways I prefer the major meltdowns (which haven't happened for months, mind) to the creative non-compliance stuff.  And I'm not nearly so bothered by them as I was in early days of placement.

He's fine this morning.


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## Wyxie

Two years ago today we met Wyxling for the first time.  She absolutely blew me away from the minute I saw her peeking out from behind a chair, all big brown eyes, clearly weighing up whether or not she should risk coming out in order to get the balloon we had brought for her.  She was enchanting, and completely stole my heart, and in that instant I was Mummy and the focus of my world had changed forever.  Wyxling led to Bladelet, and now we have a son and a daughter, and life has changed beyond all recognition.  Life certainly has had its ups and downs and I'm sure it will continue to do so, but I can say with absolute certainty that my children have brought more joy and fulfilment to my life than anything else I've done. 

We had a quiet celebration with Wyxling today.  I made her two photo albums, as a follow on from her life story work which she often wants to see at the moment, but which she clearly feels very negatively about.  I made one for each year she'd been with us with a handful of photo "firsts", some special occasions, and the second one shows us doing a lot of the same things again that we did the first year.  She absolutely loved them and while Bladelet was asleep we spent a long time looking at them and talking about everything we've done, and what we will do in the future together as a family.  My Mum also recently brought down some photos of me when I was younger, a few family albums I didn't even know existed, as Wyxling has often asked to see photos of me and my family when we were younger.  We spent a lovely hour or so looking at photos, and then made lots of stuff from blocks, and splashed in some puddles when we went out later.  We had a nice family meal and the kids clearly loved the idea of take out, especially dim sum, and I let them eat far far too much.  Wyxling has been very snuggly and affectionate tonight, and both babies are now tucked up in bed fast asleep.

I hope everyone is well,

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## watakerfuffle

Lovely post Wyxie and sounds like you have had a wonderful day. We will have had our son 2 years in October. Time is certainly flying by but like you I have taken masses of pics along the way to capture some of our precious time together


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## Jacks girl

Posted this as a seperate thread but had no joy and wanted the advice of adopters who have adopted if that makes sense.....We have a routine post panel adoption meeting. So far we have had no mention of links since approval in April (know that isn't a long wait for profiles by any stretch of the imagination, I am a realist!) Has anyone been in same position and knows what happens at these meetings. Our authority like to match within county in first three months but mid next month it will be three. Should we ask about joining adoption link and referring ourselves to the national register soon if it is unlikely they will pursue links in the next few weeks? Thanks in advance.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

We found our girls through the national register.  Our sw has the attitude that the match is key and practicality can be worked out.  However I think a lot prefer local matches because of convenience long term.  It is definately hard work for them all now doing visits etc. What I'm trying to say is if your sw has a negative view on the national register they are likely to ignore / not hunt properly for matches on it in my opinion.  Our sw did about 5 or 6 nights away from home during the lead up to placement to support us with meetings etc. Which as she has a young family is a big sacrifice.  Not all will do it I don't think.  Good luck I'd raise it but their reaction will tell you if it's worth pursuing in my opinion x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Wyxie two years amazing you've all come so far xxx


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## Zargus

Jacks Girl, we got our LO outside of the agency we were approved by.  We were shown maybe 2 or 3 profiles that were suitable after approval panel but none of them felt right for us.  Most LAs will want you to take a child from their area, after all they have invested time and money in preparing you for becoming an adoptive parent, but often they will be part of a Consortium of other Authorities in your vicinity.  We found our LO on Be My Parent but it just so happened he was in an LA which was part of the Consortium for the agency we had been approved by so our SW was happy for us.  

You should take into consideration travelling time for meetings prior to matching panel, and then for intros.  We had a 3 hour round trip to where our LO was and we had several meetings before MP as our LO is 4 with a fair bit of history so we met with nursery worker, paediatrician, and there was lots of reports on file to read which we could only do at the agency.  Then our intros were spread over 3 weeks and it was incredibly draining with the emotion of it all.  We did have to spend a few days in a hotel when we had 7am-7pm days during intros which meant our pets had to be looked after.  And one thing you must also consider is post adoption support.  It is the responsibility of the Authority the LO comes from to offer post adoption support and if you go out of your local area that will last for 3 years (or that is the plan in our case).  We had an added issue thrown into the mix since we actually were approved by an agency not in our local area.  They said that whilst they will always be at the end of the phone, as we don't have a child from their area they have no formal responsibility to offer us post adoption support, we would be referred to our local facilities.  But at our matching panel, it was stipulated that we must continue to receive support and invitations to our agency's workshops etc, as well as for the agency where LO came from and at an appropriate time down the line we will be referred to our local agency.  It was something we hadn't thought about but even if we had we wouldn't have changed our minds.  Our SW was great though, she didn't have any 'attitude' about us going through another agency, she was nothing but lovely through the entire process, and continues to be post adoption.  At the end of the day all SWs want is for children to find their forever homes.

Good luck.


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## Jacks girl

Excellent advice - thank you Vetty and Mummy DIY Diva - they are part of a wider consortium so I will ask about extending the search into the consortium as a first port of call and go from there - given the considerations you outlined Vetty. I think you are spot on about considering all these factors when looking at a potential link 

Thanks ladies


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## pyjamas

We were approved July 2013 and are still waiting for our dreams to come true. No profiles were coming through from SW, We went to Activity Day in March and left feeling very positive but no success in the end. we saw two CPR after the AD but felt neither were right for us. The others that we had expressed an interest in went to other adopters. Next weekend we are going to consortium profile event so fingers crossed. We had to ask our SW repeatedly about gong on National Register and are still waiting for a reply this time!


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## Sq9

We're nearly the same as you pyjamas - approved in sept.  The way our la works is that we don't see any profiles til she finds what she thinks is our match. We've been on the national register since jan, looked at bmp and adoption link but nothing.  Finding it very hard at the moment as never imagined we would have to wait this long, but our little ones are out there, just showing us whose boss already and will come and find us when they are good and ready  .  Wish they would get a wriggle in though  .  Hope you find your match very soon


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## pyjamas

Thanks Sq9. It helps to know others have the same problems and know how hard the waiting is!


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## mummy2blossom

Thought I'd post here rather than start new thread for just a quick question!

We have recently completed our court paper work (slight delay due to left not knowing what right is doing!). Part of the form asks about siblings & any court proceedings towards them. Obviously we don't know the details it's asking for but sw seem unconcerned that it's not filled out. We know there have been some so feel anxious it'll be un-true for court if it's missing this detail. 

How important is this section?


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## AoC

Hmmm.  I'm afraid I don't know, but I'd make sure I'd asked both my and LO's SWer, and if you're not satisfied with their answer, you could phone the court and ask to speak to the adoption clerk?

Good luck!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

The paper work has recently changed so there is likely to be different views etc at the minute till sws get confident with it. I've been told to list all birth siblings and court case reference numbers in that section x


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## Macgyver

We left those sections blank and our sw filled them in for us as we didn't have the details.
If you are unsure of any if the questions call your sw and just ask they should be happy to help you complete it. X


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## mummy2blossom

Thank you everyone, we have blossoms sw this week so will speak to her. All our queries have been through email and they both keep saying the other will do it/advise!  To top it all off our sw leaves this week so who knows when the forms will be done. We've had a really smooth journey until now & just feels stressful with no one knowing what should be done (our sw hadn't even realised she hadn't given us the forms until I asked! Lol)

Any way thanks for your replies & hopefully we'll get answers this week


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone. It has been such a long time since I have made it onto here. I have been back to work part time so time has been limited. Things have moved on a lot I'm guessing. Our munchkin is now 2 and has been home for a year....where did that year go?! Anyway, looking forward to getting to know you again and trying harder to get on here regularly to share in all of your journeys. x


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## Flash123

Hey greenie, I was only thinking of you the other day. Glad you and your family are doing just fine and dandy. Xx


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## liveinhope

Passed Health and safety assessment today  - next step panel....


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Flash, how are things with you? Yesterday we had a meeting with our SW and we have started the ball rolling for no 2!!! She wants to get us to panel this year if possible and then its a waiting game. We are really happy as a family of 3 but if the right match is out there we would love munchkin to have a sibling. I'm not sure what work will say as I only went back last month but knowing the world of adoption we could have a long wait!!!! x


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## Flash123

I know it's easier said than done but its your life, no-one else is going to live it for you so b****r what work think! I'm thrilled for you greenie, such exciting times. I think your attitude towards it all is fab. If its meant to be you will find another precious little one, if not you have your dream come true.  I have to admit I am a wee bit jealous. After everything we went through with the court dh really can't face doing it again. His mum also passed away in the middle of it all which definitely made things much tougher. I'm hoping that time will heal but he generally doesn't make snap decisions about things as big as this but you never know, perhaps he will fall for my womanly ways    lol!!!!!
at the moment things are challenging enough with our wee man, he is well and truly hitting the terrible twos with a vengeance! Tantrums and meltdowns like you wouldn't believe and defiance... My word! I have locked myself in the airing cupboard before now to protect us both  

Liveonhope - fab news. Happy days! Xxx


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## newmum

Yeah good on you greeniebop, I would love a sibling for treasure (though I think after having her home off nearly a year cheeky monkey is more realistic lol) but at the grand old age of 43 not sure if it's feasible! 

Like you flash our LO is hitting the terrible twos and has discovered the word no! Went to Tescos today and she was crying and screaming so I chucked two bottles of wine in my trolley and gave LO a packet of magic stars! Tut tut naught Mum 

Hi everyone sorry I'm not on here much, life kinda if changes when you're a Mum more than I expected! 

Yeah we have celebration hearing on Thursday, nearly a year since our daughter has been home.

Follow your heart everyone x x


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## AoC

Hey Greenie, nice to see you.


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## liveinhope

So its panel for us tomorrow.....


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## Sq9

Good luck for tomorrow liveinhope


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fab lih let the hunt begin xx


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## Primmer

Good luck tomorrow liveinhope


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