# So much anxiety



## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Hi,

I don't know where to start! I'm really struggling, I'm in my 2ww following 2 blastocyst transfer.  I had them transfered on Tuesday last week which I think makes me 5dpt.  

My struggle has been going on for 6 years now, secondary unexplained infertility.  This is our 3rd and final ivf attempt.  We had treatment at ARGC and they have been brilliant all the way through. It has been the most difficult journey for me this time, so much pressure to succeed, but I have done everything I could have done.  I haven't been to work for 4 weeks backwards and forwards to London everyday for tests etc.  We live 3 hours away from the clinic.

Everyday during this 2ww I have felt different.  Saturday I was sure it had failed, Sunday I was sure it had worked and today I'm devastated again that it hasn't worked, poor DH doesn't know what to do with me.

I am a mess, I so want to be positive but I have no signs at all, no sore boobs or anything.  I am suffering with hot flushes and a little bloated.  Yesterday I really felt fluttering in my tummy and protective of it today is just nothing, tears and tears. An almost empty feeling, waves of the af dull ache  

I need to pick myself up, but don't know how?

In my normal cycle my period would start on Wednesday, is the same in my ivf cycle? My test date is Friday, we have to go to london for a blood test to then get a call with result, that worries me too, all that way to cry!  I'm soo negative and don't want to be,

help x


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Hi Tobernottotobe

Oh Darling didn't want to read and run.  Just wanted to say I am feeling exactly same as you.  I am one week in and have so symptoms, not even hot flushes, sore boobs, nothing, nada !!!!  I too am finding it so hard.  Spent most of yesterday     .  Just wanted to let you know that even though I cannot offer you any words of comfort that I feel your pain and anxiety too.


Good luck


Ginger


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## Helen85 (Feb 12, 2011)

Hi ,

Just wanted to say a huge good luck for testing  please try not to worry about not having symptoms , I an 10 weeks pregnant and didnt have any to start with and still don't now . I did Ohss but that could be a sign or it could have happened anyway so can't really count it .
I tested 8dp 5dt and got a strong positive , I think if u test on the day u have your blood test or the day before it will give u ur answer if u don't want to wait for the phone call from ur clinic .
Loads of luck and hugs 

Helen xxx


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Thank you so much for both replying, it is so hard to do this without the support of another someone who understands.  My DH tries so hard to understand but he doesn't realise the feelings and niggles we get.
Ginger Baby - when are you testing? I keep crying today but I am trying so hard to keep busy but I just want to go to be and sleep until Friday!
Helen - congratulations I do so hope to be in your position soon


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Hi


Helen Thanks for the advice.


Tobeornotobe  My OTD is on Monday 3 Oct.  I go for a blood test at clinic which is 2.5 hours drive away.  So I think I will do a HPT on Sunday and get it over and done with.  Like even if ifs a negative on Sunday I will still go for the blood test so that its all official on my file.


Take Care


Ginger


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

I'm really tempted to test on Thursday morning but I so don't want to see a negative result on that stick that I might not. Those sticks kill me, so in your face, lol its like a kick in the teeth or someone teasing you, you're not pregnant!
I know the clinic will tell me gently but its so hard to hear isn't it.
Look at us so negative, we have no reason to be negative do we, no period is no period.
My husband keeps telling me the medication I'm on is responsible for the no signs, hmm, I'm taking aspirin, ritodrine, predinisolone, clexane and progesterone injections so I'm black and blue and sore all over. I'm also weeing all night because of the 2 litres of water and not sleeping because of the progesterone injections.  I have to have 2 alarms in the night to take medicine so its no wonder I'm crying all the time!
I need to do something nice for myself but I don't know what. 
Are you taking any extra meds? Which clinic are you at?


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## Marianna-Petros (Jul 18, 2011)

@ tobeornottobe, you can try meditation, it works for me... I put on some sea wave sounds, or some relaxing music and focus on my breath. Then I try to picture a safe and calm place where everything is already perfect, so I stay there for as long as I need to refill myself with something positive. It may sound silly, but I do what I can to remain sane in this crazy world... 

Best of luck to u


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## Scabigail (Sep 26, 2011)

Hi tobeornottobe,

im in my 2ww aswell. This is my first cycle of IVF. I think this wait has been the worst bit of the whole tx! I dont think you can base you feelings on having symptoms or not. A friend of mine is now pregnant with twins after her second cycle of IVF and she didnt have a single symptom after her ET. I have been having all of the pregnancy symptoms (bloating, sore boobs, morning nausea) but that has been since BEFORE the ET and its all down to the progesterone. When people fall pregnant naturally some people have loads of symptoms and others have none so you cant rely on it as an indication. You said that you have secondary infertility - you also cant expect that the way you felt during your first pregnancy will be repeated this time - every pregnancy is different.

I would advise against testing early - you could get a false positive or false negative - its not worth risking it. I totally understand you wanting to do it - i had 4 pregnancy tests in the bathroom cupboard - i dont know where they are now - DH has hidden them because he knows me too well.

I test on 6th October. All my fingers are crossed for you - good luck 

xxx


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Hiya


Tobeornottobe  I at Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Gateshead. I am not on any other meds apart from progestrone support.  I did ask if they would give me steroids after 2 miscarriages but they would not give me them.  This is my last NHS funded go so pressure is really on.


Marianna Petros I will try relaxation CD.  I have Zita West one for IVF but doing that one made me      last night.  I have another CD called sound of calm not IVF related so might do that one instead.


Scabigail  Hello I have a first response test in the cupboard but I will not test now til at least Sunday, to bloody scarred now.


Hi to everyone else and good luck


Ginger


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## Scabigail (Sep 26, 2011)

Hi Ginger,

I too am at QEH, gateshead. Isnt it a lovely unit and the staff have all been fantastic. I hope your experience there has been as good as mine so far. Now we just have to hope the results are as positive as the experience  

Fingers crossed for you and big


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Posting from phone.

Scabigail yeah they are all lovely at QE.  Even the receptionist is lovely.  Nurses were so good with me when found out about miscarriage at 8 weeks


Hugs

Ginger


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my thread.

I have been listening to zita west too, it is really good but I tend to fall asleep at about no. 3 in the relaxation then wake up at the end, lol!

I've been having counselling and hypnotherapy for 3 months every week which has really helped. She has given me so many useful tools to relax and self hypnotise but still I am panicking!

I am seeing her tomorrow so hopefully tomorrow night I will be feeling better.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for us all xx


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## Jen xx (Mar 14, 2011)

Good luck girlies 

Jenna xx


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

I'm so scared today.

Today would normally be day 1 in my natural cycle.  I keep feeling the fluttering wet feeling down below which is what I get before my period starts.  I just can't feel any good symptoms.  

This can't go wrong. We've already decided that thus is our last go we can't keep doing this to ourselves. I want this so bad, I feel sick to my stomach. I want to get to Friday, I want to get a Positive this time, it's my time


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Morning Tobeornottobe.


I     that it isn't AF coming.  This is our last funded IVF go so I know how you feel.  I feel so cheated.  Its the first time I have ever got to embryo transfer stage and it looks like it still doesn't work.  I have had 1 abandoned cycle, 1 where the egg did not fertilise, 2 natural pregnancies that have ended in miscarriage.  So I am at the end of the line too.  We are thinking of paying for a cycle but that scares me too  cos don't have the money but also don't know if I can go through all the building myself up into a positive state just to have my heart ripped out when it fails.  


Sorry to be so negative,  I     it all works out for you.  It works for some people, why not us.


Take Care


Ginger


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Thanks for replying hun, life is so cruel sometimes isn't it.
I keep having to go to the loo to check! my whole body feels like its shaking and not really mine, my back is hurting and I'm feeling lost.
It's so hard to feel positive at the mo.  I really want to test tomorrow but I know my DH won't want to.  Do you think it would show if I did?


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Tobeornotobe.  I think if you use a first response it will probably show the correct result but I know some people have tested a day early and got a BFN and tested the next day and got a BFP so its hard to tell.


I have been up at my mams as my little niece was there this morning,  she is 9 weeks old just a little bit younger than what my baby would have been if I had not miscarried in November.  I love my niece so much but its so hard being around her when I feel I might never be a mammy.  I love holding and feeding her but now I am at home I feel so sad and empty.


I think I will deffo test on Sunday unless AF arrives before hand which is what I think is going to happen.


You take care.  Sending you loads of     


Ginger


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## Jen xx (Mar 14, 2011)

i tested 2 days before otd and was bfn however i tested the next nite and was bfp so really can change over night..when is ur otd tobeornotobe??

Jenna xx


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Just as I thought, it's Friday morning. I had my eggs collected on a Thursday so I thought I'd test on a Thursday? 

I can't decide what to do.  My gut says wait till Friday as I'm not sure I'll believe the test tomorrow anyway?


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## Jen xx (Mar 14, 2011)

It was 13 days after ET that I got a positive test although didn't believe it till the next day,was 16 days after EC!!

Jenna xx


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Well I've managed to get to today only one more sleep till blood test.

Feeling very scared again today, my backaches today and I was off my food this morning sure that is nerves.
I feel like it's all the drugs that are stopping my period starting so hard to convince myself this might actually happen this time.

My whole body feels shakey thanks to the ritrodine drug so that adds to the nervous feeling.

Arrggghhh just want to know now!


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Hi tobeornotobe


I know what you mean.  My pains in my back are getting worst, a sure sign that AF is on her way. I am off work this week and next, go back to work on 10Oct.  Plus its my birthday on 6Oct, whoop be do I will be 37 and still childless, don't think I will be celebrating.


I am almost wishing that if this has not worked that AF does turns up before my OTD of 03/10, sick of being tortured by the 1% hope I have that it has worked.


Well done in getting this far.  I      it all works out for you.


Ginger


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Come on we need to be more positive, it is possible that it could be our turn?
We both want this so desperately and it has to happen sooner or later so why not now? I haven't got a clue what my body is doing its doing my head but I know that it aint over till the fat lady sings!! lol
Come on lets try and be positive together!!

xx


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Okay we can try.  Just got to keep going, put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best.


All the best of luck for tomorrow.


Ginger


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Thank you, glad I'm finally finding out one way or the other.

Very scared


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## Helen85 (Feb 12, 2011)

Just wanted to say loads of luck for testing and ur right it's not over till its over . Got to stay positive  fingers and toes crossed for u .p.s u have so much more willpower than me not to test early  xxx


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be this is the end of the road for us.

We will just enjoy our gorgeous ds and be a family of 3 thanks for all your support xx


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## Ginger Baby (Mar 23, 2010)

Tobeornotobe.  I am sorry darling.  Wish I could make it all better.  All I can do is send you loads and loads of     


Ginger


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