# Returning to Work - Advice/Reassurance needed!!



## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

I'm worrying already and I hope it's ok to share this with you...

When matched with LO I am taking a full year off on adoption leave, I believe this time is extremely important for building our attachment and bonding. I would really love to take more than a year but financially it's impossible.

Without going into much personal detail regarding my profession I can say that I am a Depute Head of Centre and to go part time is almost impossible. I can put in a flexible working request but I can guarantee it will be refused &#128546; I then looked into the possibility about going term time - again this is more than likely to be refused too. I will involve my union if I need too but I know deep down what's going to happen...

My LO is my priority and I'm getting so upset. We still live in a flat and our plans are to move over the next two years. We all know how expensive moving is, especially when going from a flat to a 3/4 bedroom house.

My plans are (if LO copes) is to use day care for 2 days and family members for 2 days, DH is hoping to consolidate his hours and be at home either on a Mon or Fri.

Has anyone else returned to work full time and relied on day care/family?

Thank you in advance!!


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

68 people have read this but no advice or reassurance. Starting to feel even more nervous about returning to work! Lol x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

I M due back in a couple of months and to be honest wish I didn't have to. Luckly financially we should be ok if I go back part time but that's if work can find me something. I am a manager and my company doesn't allow part time managers so have been told if they find something it will only be admin. I really don't care, like you our son comes first. I have arrange him to attend day care for two mornings a week which he will start 8 weeks before I go back to work to make sure he has settled in . but until my firm gets back to me I can't put anything else into place. My mum said she is willing to look after him for the four hours I attend to work so hopefully that will be enough. I went in to see my firm a month ago and still waiting. If I don't hear from them in another month then I will go back in.
My dh has already said that he may be up for promotion when his college retires in 3 years and he would like me to give up work to bring up the children. (We are planning to adopt no 2 when lo is 3 so that's only a 1 1/2 years away)
I wish like you I didn't need to go back, but I am grateful that at least I will only be away from him for a short time each day.
Can you ask about a different role in your company? Maybe then they can find a part time poss for you.


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## Millie Moo (May 20, 2012)

I am due back in 6 months so can't comment on the realities of returning to work full-time.  What you seriously need to consider though is whether it is really going to be feasible for you to return for that many hours.  A lot will depend on what child is placed with you but the fact is a lot of adopted children do not cope very well with being in day care and need the extra support and time to build an attachment and bond with you.  Before adopting my 2 siblings in January, i thought it would be easy enough to return to work, not full time, but maybe reduce to 28 hours.  Now I know that would be madness.  Just keeping up with the washing with 2 kids (4 & 6) who are not dry day or night yet, is a full time job! They are not badly behaved and are doing well at school and nursery but they demand a lot of attention, like to control everyone and are prone to tantrums and self harm when they don't get their own way. The school day is long enough for them without me putting them into before and after school clubs.  In a couple of years, then yes, but now it would not be an option.
Having said that, my husbands company also doesn't allow managers to be part-time.  He successfully argued his case and ended up having every Friday off.  He was available by phone/email for anything urgent.  So always worth asking anyhow.  3 months before I went onto adoption leave I moved onto a different department.  I negotiated the same salary and benefits, all that I lost was my grading which was meant to be reduced to what it was 10 years ago but they seem to have forgotten about that!! It was for a much easier job and on a team of 20 so no problem with getting term time hours. It was a bit drastic as I loved the previous job I was doing but I had to look at the longer term.  
Hope you can find a reasonable solution


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it. I agree that I won't be able to make any concrete decisions until I know our LO and the needs he/she has. I will ensure I look into all options available to me before deciding. As a manager working in a 52 week establishment it's impossible to go part time I've already been pre warned that my request would be declined. If I demoted myself I would immediately drop around £12k which is a lot of money - we need both wages in order to move. I wish I wasn't such a worrier - we're not even matched yet and I'm already thinking about the difficulties of work - they put so much pressure on me!! X


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## MummyPhinie (Oct 27, 2013)

I feel for you. I'm already worrying about how ' flexible' my work will be. But having let someone go part time , another employed on a part time term time only, someone on annualised hours so they have the summer off, they HAVE to look at my work patterns. To make it viable for them I may have to work less hours ie 3 days instead of 4. But I will cross that bridge in about 10 months!


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## Lollipoppet (Aug 20, 2010)

Hi

My last role before taking a career break was a Regional HR Manager. I would say that have a backup plan by all means, but don't worry yet. Fight your ground. It is of course possible to refuse a flexible working request, but it is also quite rare from my experience that companies do the process correctly and thoroughly so my advice is: get your union on side and fight it as much as you have the inclination to do so. Senior roles CAN be job shared. Just saying that it is not possible to do part time DOESN'T make it so. Loads of successful companies have successful job share examples at senior levels. And loads have senior roles that are just plain part time. Jobs can be split (in simple terms they could give half your responsibilities to someone else for example). There are so many ways it can work that the company needs to be quite thorough if they are going to try and prove it can't work. GO for it! If I were advising your managers I would be telling them not to say 'no' without a very thorough review and preferably (at least) trying to recruit someone to job share with you.

Good Luck

LP


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi AD

Please don't worry you'll work something out I'm sure.

Great advice from LP. 
As of June 2014 employers have to have good reason to reject flexible working requests. 
https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working/overview

It's really frowned upon if they don't as can be seen as discrimination against women employees as they are usually the main child carers.

Good luck
Love and hugs
GG xxxxx


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hi adoptondreams i am planning on exact same thing. Im only able to take 8 months off. We also live in a flat and plan to move in a few years . My partner is going to do 5 over 4, 4 long days and have 1 day off. We then will use nursery for 2 days then family. As with you im sure your sw knows your plan to do this. Its financially impossible for ke to be off all the time but in a few years i will do term time as will be more financially stable.


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## AdoptionDreams (Feb 10, 2010)

Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a little better now that I've shared my worries over it. LO will always come first and I'm sure it will all work out well in the end. Hoping that LO will settle into the routine of day care and family without any problems ... If problems arise then that's when things will need to change in some way. I have fight in me for my employers if needed. I just need to stay focused and look forward to my year off with LO first xx


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## kellyrocket75 (Feb 21, 2012)

I have to go back to work too - full time. I'm heartbroken but the reality is we simply can't afford not to. Our LO is settled and happy and we have to take a leap of faith that he'll adjust to nursery. Plenty of adopted children cope well in childcare and others don't. Good luck xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

I return to work 3 weeks on Monday after 14 months off and I'm dreading it, luckily I have been able to drop from 5 days to 3 so little man will go to nursery 3 days a week hopefully he will adjust to nursery just fine he's well attached and very out going and loves other kids so fingers crossed. 

Xxx


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

I return to work in 2 weeks  :-(
I think as others have said so much depends on your little ones needs. During the matching process I was always clear thst although I was open to a child with medical or developmental problems or any disabilities I would need to return to work at least part time (as I am single and have a mortgage to pay). I was matched with lil C very quickly after approval panel despite this. There was a long list of list of health and development concerns but he has done amazingly well. I have changed job with the same employer (through application for job rather than redeployment or flexible working) and have dropped from 50ish hours to 25.5) which will require tight budgeting but is doable. I started C going to nursery a morning a week for the last 8 weeks and last week and the next 2 he will go 1 full day a week so he is used to the people, environment and routines. He has thankfully settled really well and seems to be benefiting from spending more time with other kiddies - enjoying their company and picking up new skills from them.
Wishing you the very best (it is sooo hard trying to balance all the conflicting needs), love Kiz  xx


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## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

I returned to work 4 days a week, DH also does 4 days leaving us 3 days to cover. LO's go to nursery two full days a week and have a day with GP.  Both LO's absolutely love nursery - the eldest goes two half days as well as she enjoys it so much.  I think finding a good nursery that you have confidence in is the key, I can't fault ours and the understanding they have shown to our LO's.  I was dreading it at the time especially as eldest was very shy - I hardly recognise her as the shy little girl she was. She starts school in September and will be the youngest in the class but on her intro day happily walked over to the other kids and joined in all the games, this would have been unimaginable if nursery hadn't given her the extra confidence boost she needed. We had seven months at home before returning to work and were lucky that both of us were home for the full seven months and our LO's are very settled, happy little girls.


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