# Grief that pops out and bites when you least expect



## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

I was only saying to my DH last night that I thought I was doing ok and maybe I'd be ok after all without a baby ever, and this might not be such a difficult path to be on.

Today a friend has announced a second miscarriage in the space of a few months (they have no older children) and I'm in bits for them, for the injustice of it all, in empathy with them, and for our own dashed hopes (no pregnancies in nigh on 6 years). And there is a part of me that wishes it were a bit easier to explain the grief of infertility when there is no specific baby to grieve for. And to have the confidence to do it.


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## sarajay (Nov 2, 2016)

Hi I am sorry for your friends loss and completely understand why you feel the way you do.  How do you explain the grief you feel for something you have never had or never lost it is almost impossible I just wanted you to know you are not alone in this feeling, having found ff only a few days ago it has been of great help to me to know that here I can put how I'm feeling without having to try and explain as we are all going through the same or very similar situations.  I'm sending hugs to you and your friend stay strong and never feel you have to explain a feeling to someone if it's how you feel you don't need to explain yourself X


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## Bluebell82 (Jan 24, 2015)

Hi bobo,
I said to people sometimes that I was grieving for our unborn children. i think people were ok with that. Our unborn child/children has/have a presence. Even if they never were, they represent a life style and a type of person that is missing, even if 'imagined'.


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Thank you sarajay and bluebell82. It's difficult when candle lighting etc is all about remembering and memories. I guess you can remember dreams. 

Congratulations, bluebell82!

Xx


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