# BF does not want to stop using condoms after 1 year - what do you think?



## Lauranash (Jan 11, 2013)

Hi there,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I recently had a Mirena coil fitted, which is one of the most reliable contraception available for women.

Since I have been with my boyfriend long enough to trust him and that we are both disease free (which was checked), I would like to stop using condoms, and he is not happy about it.

He doesn't want to have children in the next few years and I have to admit that it would be the heart breaking for me to have an abortion if I got pregnant.

However, I consider that my contraception is pretty reliable and that the cumulative effect of having PCOS, Endometriosis and having tried to get pregnant with a previous partner for about two years, makes me well below the 0.2% failure rate of the coil.

Now having said that, I cannot tell him that I would get an abortion if I got pregnant. But at the same time I am really tired of condoms and I think he is being over the top with the pregnancy fear.

I don't know of ANY long term partners around me who still use condoms (unless the women cannot take the pill).

So what are your thoughts on this?


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

He sounds v responsible to me, and as you are trying not to conceive, what is wrong. You admit it would be heartbreaking to have an abortion- as this must be your plan- he's making it extra Sade to avoid this.mirena isn't 100% safe.


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi there, I have to say I tend to agree with JJ1 here. I think he's being extremely sensible and, frankly, remote though the risk is, it would sound like more than just a possible termination as a consequence. You say you'd do it even though it would break your heart but I think you may be underestimating the emotional strain the whole situation will put on your relationship. 

I think it's fairly clear from your previous posts - and the fact you're a member of this site - that you would not at all be averse to having a baby now and it is your DP who is not ready yet. It could well be that he knows this and is unsure whether your motivations to stop using condoms are a possible oopsie baby that he's not ready for - if I am making sense. Problem is, no contraception method is 100% safe, even with fertility issues (unless you are effectively sterilised by them i.e. tubes blocked or something) so whether you have a coil, use condoms or both, there's still a risk. Perhaps you need to sit him down and actually explain to him how unlikely the risk is, and assess how he would feel if you beat the odds, so to speak. he might also have motivations for this (e.g. had a pregnancy scare in the past) that might be making him extra cautious. 
I will imagine in time he will come around so perhaps just be patient with him. 

C~x


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

Hi there, I agree also with JJ1 and Caz - it sound like you have a sensible considerate boyfriend there. I have never met a men who likes using condoms and will stop using them at a drop of a hat.

I agree he may have a motive for this and the best way is to talk to him. Maybe he had an ex that tried to trap him by getting pregnant? Whatever the reason I think you should give him time. Does he know of your previous history of TTC? 

I hope that you find a way to sort this out- he def sounds like a keeper xx


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## sallyloo (Aug 12, 2013)

Of course I would be the one to think negatively.  I agree with previous posters that most men would not want to wear condoms, so the fact that he prefers to says a lot. Maybe there is an issue of trust on his part. It could be that he doesn't trust that you've done the Mirena, or maybe he simply doesn't trust that it will work. If you want to look at it positively though, I would agree that he is just being extra careful. The bigger question is why he feels like he needs to be.


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