# Losing hope



## ali* (Nov 29, 2005)

On our 3rd (and last) ICSI 2WW and not due to test until next Weds 22nd, but just feel like   is going to arrive any second.  Had all my usual monthly symptoms and can't convince myself that I am mis-reading things.  On our last cycle AF turned up 4 days before test date so I think it's over for us.
I can't bear the thought of spending the rest of my life feeling like such a failure.  Why are things so unfair?


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## TLZ (Feb 27, 2007)

Hi there Ali 

Just had to reply to your post and say I'm so sorry you're feeling low at the moment.

I don't know much about ICSI or success rates or anything like that but I do know how it feels to be sad and feel helpless about a situation.

You're totally right when you say it's all so unfair, but just take each moment as it comes and remember where theres a will theres a way ! Just because your previous treatments did not work doesn't make _you_ a failure, just the treatments ...

Sorry I can't be much help, but wishing you well 

TLZ x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

sending you lots of    and soooo hoping that you get that BFP you want so much  

pam xx


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## Princess xx (Aug 2, 2007)

Hi Ali!

I too am an ICSI/Egg share patient and had my first cycle last year which resulted in a bfn but as you know the chances go up especially on cycle number 3.  I know after two failed tx u must feel very dissapointed but each cycle is different so please stay     good things really do happen honey just hang on in there!

I think u r negative and putting pressure on your self by saying this is the last cycle.  Could you not even consider trying again?  The best advice I can give you is just take each day as it comes and hope for the best,


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

Sending u a huge hug     stay strong its not over for u as ur not due to test til the 22nd.

Being nagative sends negative vibes to the embies so stay strong for them xx I was convinced my AF was coming i had AF pains throughout my 2ww nearly everyday.  I got a BFP so pls stay strong. xxxxxxxxxxxx

shye


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## bexie (Jul 26, 2007)

You have 2 very good chances of a positive outcome, so hold your nerve and try to get through the killer wait for another 3 days. It's so hard not to try to analyse every twinge and deposit on tissues/loo roll and you sound very subjected to the whole process. I think it's our heads preparing us in advance for the (I'm not even going to say it) that drives us crazy, not to mention all the drugs!

Sending you lots of     and bubbles too

Bx


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## shill (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi Ali, 

So sorry you're having such a horrible 2WW.  It's agonising at the best of times!

Just wanted to send you some support and positive vibes.  I really do hope it works out for you x


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## ali* (Nov 29, 2005)

Hi Ladies
Just wanted to say thank you for your support - it is nice to know that we're not alone.
Sadly despite all our best efforts   finally turned up with a vengeance today.  Although I had tested 3 times this week, (all of which were of course   ), there is always that tiny glimmer of hope until then.
Princess, I appreciate that it may seem unwise to say we are not going to have another course of treatment, but we have already spent nearly £20,000.  Before we started this rollercoaster we discussed the possibility that things wouldn't work out, and took the decision to stop at three tries (for lots of reasons, not just financial) knowing that once we began treatment our hearts would overrule our heads.
We are taking stock at the moment, and who knows in a few months we may feel that we can face another go and scrape together the funds to try again.  But we do have to consider the possibility that a BFP may never happen for us.  I hope against hope that isn't the case, but for us it is important to be realistic, however hard it may be to look ahead and see a life without much wanted children.  At the moment I'm filled with despair, and each time it gets harder to deal with.
Ali*


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Ali i'm so sorry hun    i was hoping things were going to turn out positive for you hun, i think it is wise to know when to say enough is enough on the tx front and as you have said you never know how you may feel in time  

pam xx


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## blondieh (Dec 15, 2005)




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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi,

I had my 4th icsi BFN today - also had 4 iui BFNs too.  Like you, we've spent the best part of £20k on ttc.  I am a poor responder & have blood clotting issues.

I know just how hard it is to be positive but we know our own bodies (I had a pregnancy terminated 15 years ago) & we know when AF is coming!!  

It's also harder as you get older, & without being patronising, it's hard when people still in their 20s tell you to keep trying because it is so much less likely to work once you're past 35 & the emotional drain becomes harder.  I know that sending positive vibes helps to keep people's mood up but sometimes, when the reality sets in, it's really tough and you just can't keep battling.

We've always had a "Plan B" but eventually you do get to the end of the road.  I really hope you can take some time to decide which path to go down & eventually manage to find some "peace" with your decision.  

You've been so brave coming on here and showing how vulnerable you feel, I really hope you're getting lots of support in the outside world.  It always takes me at least 3 months to feel semi-normal again after a BFN.

Good luck with whatever decision you reach  
Take care,
Jess xxx


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