# Sleeping Routine - Help / Advice Required



## Mx4321

I think we are the cause of this problem but unsure how to sort this. Surprise when he first came home 10weeks ago would sleep right through from around 7.30 to 6ish most nights.

About a month 6ish started becoming 5ish when he started shouting for comfort, so rightly or wrongly one of us would take him into the spare bedroom and get him to fall asleep pretty much straight away with him waking around about 6.30ish.

The 5ish became 4 ish and the last three nights its has been 1-2ish, also within this month we have also taken the sides of the cot down to make it a bed to see if that would work, "special bed" to sleep with.

Not sure what to do, if either of us goes into the cot bed he will drop fairly quickly if not he screams the house down after 30 minutes of this neither of us wants to try the let him cry until he stops routine.

We suspect that he is wanting assurance that we are there for him but dont know and now we are both fearing our own bedtime as we do not know what time he will wake and should we be doing anything different, he was placed with FC's at birth and has never shown any real sign of loss that he his no longer there with them. Surprise is 2.

Hope this makes some sense and thanks for reading.


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## wynnster

Hi

 Horrible when they go through phases like this although it is still very early days for you all so maybe it is related to his move  

DS will wake in the night occasionally, it will last a few nights and then he's fine again.  Hard as it is you must really try not to give in.  When ds cries for attention (when I know he's not ill or distressed etc) If i hear him I open his door and say 'mummy is here, it's sleepy time night night' but dont go further into his room.  This usually works but on the odd occasion he cries again I dont go in. He has had the reassurance and mummy needs sleep too    He will whinge for a minute or two (which seems like forever) but goes back off on his own. 

Is DS ill?  Teething maybe? Could he be cold/hot? 

xxx


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## Ruthiebabe

hiya,

its really difficult when you don't get your sleep youself, so for me when boo1 slept badly it was really important to get it sorted as quickly as possible....unfortunately it meant having a few (2 from memory) quite bad nights before we fixed it. essentially it required boo1 leanring to fall asleep by himself at bedtime. so then if he did wake in the night he was able to fall back asleep by himself. what we did was do storytime then leave the room, when he cried we did like what wynster said and talked to him from outside his room....just "its nite nite time" or "slppey time now, go to sleep". If he got really upset we'd go in, but not talk much to him just lie him down and maybe rub his back for a minute, then sit outside again. It might take a couple of hours of sitting on the landing the first night but it does work quite quickly. then when he wakes in the night you just rub his back for a few seconds telling him it nitenite time and he "should' be happy enough to drop off by himself....hope this is helpful.

ruthie


go into the room and rub his back, o


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## Old Timer

Hiya

My DS has always been a good sleeper but he did try it on for a while  not long after first moving in, shouting for Mummy and making me feel horrid for not going to him.  He did soon learn though that Mummy would only come when he really needed me and then I would lie him back down and rub his back but not speak to him.  When he started waking early I just used to call back to him that it was too early, still sleepy time and to go back to sleep.  Sometimes he would talk to his teddy for a while before dropping back off but again it didn't take long for him to understand that I wasn't going to get up and go to him.  

Obviously if I knew he was ill I would go and check on him and if he got really upset but he hasn't 'faked' that at all for attention.

It is hard especially early in placement but if you are firm and consistent they soon learn.

OT x


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## Mx4321

Well last night it started at midnight, but we stood firm, it tooks us three goes between mum and dad to eventually get him back to sleep at around 2.30am. 

We have decided to go in to make sure he is alright, kiss him goodnight and then reassured him from the landing that we were still  there and he should go back to sleep, he did remain in his "special bed" and we feel that we made a step forward last night, although in time terms it was a long night but we have some ground rules now.

I am thinking along the same lines as Old Timer that he is trying it on at present.


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## Old Timer

Well done!!  It will get easier I promise.  

OT x


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## wynnster

Keep it up


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## Mx4321

I am going to use this thread as a sleep diary, it well help concentrate the mind.

Had a right result last night slept through from 7.30 (mummy employed the new going to sleep routine used last night) and he slept through unitl 7am no issues at all, asides from the fact we found that he rolled out of his bed at some point. 


Bed is very low and we have pillows covering the drop honest 

Fingers crossed we can have a second successive undisturbed night to night.


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## Old Timer

Excellent!!  Bet you feel better for having a good nights sleep as well.

Try tucking the duvet in on the side he rolled out off, may help to keep him in!

OT x


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## keemjay

even if they do roll off a low bed they will be fine, i have found little right across the bedroom before where she's rolled off and then kept sleeping!
sounds like you might've cracked it..fingers crossed!
kj x


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## Camly

hiya mx

just wanted to say good luck for tonights sleep. here's hoping its a long one!    we hav just recently bought our 2 little girls home and their fc'er said that they were really good sleepers - slept for about 12 hours, waking up about 5.45......  first night was horrendous!! i sat across from the girls room door and cried - whiolst they shouted my name (why is it always mummy?)    dh said not to speak to them etc and i must admit it worked. after about 3 mins i knew giggler was 'at it' as she was firstly asking for a wee wee, then a poo poo then a juice, then a biscuit!!!     they went to bed straight after that and have done since. even managed to get them to sleep longer as well.  but yes, it is horrible when you hear them crying and shouting for you - we had 2 of them at it! 

best of luck, keep us posted x x x


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## Mx4321

Well this morning it was 5.20am which was not bad.  we used a new duvet tonight instead of sleep sack as we wanted to have the cot bed dressed like a normal bed. Duvet tucked in down the sides no roll out.

At 5.20 we knew we would not get him back to sleep so mummy put him into our bed while I went off to spare bed and grabbed another couple of hours.

Mum and son had bonding time, he did drop back (6.30ish) but this was not intentional.

we will see what tonight brings.


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## Mx4321

We started off last night, daddy put him to bed, tucked up book read and then left the room for surprise to fall off asleep. few words of encouragement and then the sound of silence.

2.00am alarm call, daddy was required, went into bedroom, tucked quilt back in replaced dummy kiss goodnight and then silence, 5 mins max - on monday this was closer to 90minsutes and prior to this would have required transportation to spare bed with either mum or dad.

Woke at 6.15 this morning.

 we have this cracked.


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## wynnster

Fab news    well done


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## Old Timer

Well done!  Sounds as though Surprise has realised what he is supposed to do.

OT x


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## dawny36

Hi,

I have just read this thread and I am quite surprised about some of these responses although a lot of the advice I wouldnt disagree with of course they are going to 'test you' in the early days but i wouldnt say this is attention seeking or 'trying  it on' I would say it is a confused child who needs to rebuild trust again if he has been with foster parents since baby and then placed at 2years then of course he will of suffered some trauma and loss!!! It is early days and although they need consistency and an element of firm parenting they do need some 'babying' as well, my little one also slept fantastic for a couple of months but if you research this you will find this is quite common and can be termed as the 'honeymoon period' then when they realise they are not going back to the foster parents or wherever some behaviours will creep in.

Im sorry if I dont agree with the rest of people on this thread but really felt the need to respond.

Hope things are improving.

Dawny x


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## wynnster

Hi Dawn

Hmm good food for thought, I guess know one will know but our LO's why some of them choose to wake in the wee small hours but MX is providing reassurance and her DS is obviously comfortable enough to fall back to sleep if he wakes  

Don't apologise hun you're not wrong and neither are the other posters, we all do things differently


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## Old Timer

Everyone has their own way of dealing with something and each child is different so we are bound to have differing views on things.  

I was actually told by my SW to only go to DS if he was distressed.  I found it hard but I know now that if I had done things differently we wouldn't have the child we have now who goes to bed and sleeps through.  He is very much a 'give me an inch and I'll take a mile' child and by being firm and setting the boundaries we have provided im with a very safe and secure home.  I know other families who even 5 plus years down the line do not have undisturbed nights and can't even get Granny to babysit while they go out for a meal incase one of their children wakes up.

You have to do what is right for you and the child involved, reassure them as we have all said but we all need our sleep to be able to give them the best of us during the day.

OT x


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## dawny36

Hi,

Just to reclarify I wasnt been critical about any of the techniques used and yes OT you are right everyone has different views, we also dont have undisturbed nights unless our LO is going through a period of change, all I meant was (probably put very badly!) was dont underestimate why a child might be distressed its not necessarily attention seeking or testing out in the early days there is lot of confusion going on and ALL our children will have experienced loss to some degree just not able to convey their feelings, this is fact not fiction and not food for thought, all children obviously are different and like I said this wasnt a critiscm to anyones parenting techniques and I am sorry this is the way it seemed.

I wont be on these boards for a while so I wish you all the best of luck and happiness.

Take care 

Dawny x


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## Mx4321

Spoke to soon, nightmare weekend, all the routines went out of the window. Surprise has a viral infection, this involved a trip to cuedoc to get pencillin prescribed. 

Started Friday night with cough, waking every 90mins or so seeking comfort and juice, ended up in our bed 2am ish with mum trying to comfort him. The same scenario on Saturday night and on Sunday night.

During the day he has become a “devil” child lashing out with arms and head, throwing things, saying no constantly and not eating. Some respite on Sunday afternoon after a couple of doses of medicine had been taken.

Not sure if this behaviour is due to illness or some realisation from him that the person who cared for him previously when unwell is no longer there for him.

No one said this was going to easy and in acouple of months time we will probably think what was all the fuss about. However at the moment wish we had that time machine to get us through this period quickly.

Thanks for all the replies to this thread, in my opinion I dont think there is a right or wrong way you just have to go with gut feel at that moment in time to do what you think is best.

Fingers crossed the medicine works it magic.


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## Old Timer

Hope he is feeling better soon, theres so many bugs about and when they are poorly their behaviour does get effected.  No doubt he is feeling tired and yucky so his behaviour is understandable though it doesn't make it easy to cope with especially when you have disturbed sleep as well.  ((((HUGS))))

OT x


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## wynnster

Hi

  When they are ill everything does go out the window and you just have to do whatever will sooth them, DS was in my bed the other night as he just wouldn't settle without me (DH was kicked out   ) 

Once he is better it may take time to get him back used to his routine but you will get there, slowly  

Try and get some rest whenever you can.

xxxxx


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## Mx4321

Oh dear, had to work late last night came home to find surprise still up and mummy in tears, he had butted her when she was putting pj's on for bed and split her lip while he was throwing a tantrum and had been "troublesome" most of the day.

Once he had calmed down he went to mummy and gave her a love and said sorry. He is only 2.

He went straight off to bed with me when I got home and went off straight away, we had a couple of shouts as he was looking for a drink to ease his throat but stayed in his own bed. 

4.30ish he awoke shouting for mummy could not get him back down (dad was on night time duty last night) so bit the bullet and brought him into our bed, restless 30 mins or so as he tried to poke my eye out and throw his head about, no damage this time. He dropped off and was asleep until 7.20 this morning lieing accross my stomach.

Heres hoping for a better day today.

Note to oneself keep calm and count to 10 no make it 20.


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## wynnster

How have things been the last few nights? 

Its the last thing you need after a long day at work and when you're feeling tired yourself - But it will get easier


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## Mx4321

We a few more ups and down nights, problem is that he is waking around 1.30-2.00 am ish and wanting either mummy or daddy before going back to sleep.

He goes to bed fine, and once settled 9times out of ten will go back off to sleep fairly quickly once he has had his comforting from mummy or daddy, we have tried to do this from outside the door but we have found that we have to go in to give him the necessar reassurances.

Oh well we will just have to see how to night goes.


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