# Feeling like no one understands



## greenfairy (May 6, 2012)

Hi We've had 3 failed icsi treatments due to my egg quality being bad. I'm 26, and the clinic doesn't no why. My boyfriend has damaged tubes so the only way we can ever have a baby is to go through icsi. Every time we've had a failed cycle it's felt like my hearts been roped out. 

This time I've been told not to drink alcohol ( not even a mouthful) don't be round any smokers, don't use purfume and not to use cleaning products etc, as this maybe effecting egg quality. Well it's been 8months since I've not drank alcohol and all my friends are always on my back about not drinking. Not all my friends know what we are going through so I just say I'm not drinking coz I'm trying to get pregnant.
Now even my family and friends keep saying o just relax and drink etc and how they got pregnant when drinking alcohol etc. I just want to shout at them and say yes but you didn't have problems like me .
Even one of my closest friends said I was obsessing over it all, but I'm actually only following doctors orders!  And it's ok for her to say it coz she is pregnant with her second and never had any problems getting pregnant.

I just feel like I'm on my own. No one understands how I feel and I've got no one to talk to who understands.


----------



## Tiffanymi (Jan 18, 2013)

Hi green fairy. I know exactly how you feel. I have had 4 failedivf  I Fs. My last one Friday. I feel so raw and so alone. It's so hard to go through some,Ning like this while the rest of the world carries on their own bubble and family life. It gets lonely and it's harder to see people. You are not alone, this is very normal when there have been so many dissapoinments. If you need to talk, xxx


----------



## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi greenfairy,

Although you feel alone among your fertile friends, you are not on your own here and I hope you will find some comfort in the support & understanding of others in the same position .

It's especially tough this time of year, also it's hard being young & unable to conceive as people look at you & don't assume you have any problems whereas they would probably be more tactful around an older woman/couple without children. 

Your friends don't mean to be hurtful encouraging you to have a drink & let your hair down, but whilst I personally don't think having anything in moderation when you are in between IVF cycles makes a difference, it is about what you feel comfortable with, & doing anything that would end up in you blaming yourself (however irrationally) in the event of another BFN or a miscarriage, just isn't worth it.

Do look after yourself, I hope your journey will be successful in the end.

B xxx


----------



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi greenfairy,

I haven't been through isci so can't comment on that but I can comment on the nobody understanding! we've been TTC almost 3 years and we've lost quite a few friends due to it. A couple we were closest to, have two children and they began to get funny with us when we said we couldn't go round to see them etc, we told them EVERYTHING so they knew what was going on with us and they didn't seem to care. The only advice the guy had was "have sex everyday" yeah helpful. Anyway in the end, I sent her a message on ******** explaining everything and never got a reply! but I do have a few friends who have been brilliant through it, another girl I met through my partner has two kids but she is so lovely and has even offered to be our surrogate if it comes to that! 

What i'm trying to say is that, you need to forget about the people that don't understand and don't get you because there will be people that do understand you and you need to find those people. Losing friends is hard but being friends with someone who doesn't understand you is harder! and what would you rather? A friend or a baby? easy decision for me. I have the support of my DF and my mum (eventually!) and that's all I need. 

Good luck with your treatments  I found keeping a diary helped me control my feelings too xx


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

People really are bizarre about alcohol.  I stopped drinking years ago for many reasons and have only had the odd small glass of wine since and then it makes me feel really giddy.  Since I've been TTC I've barely touched a drop as I just don't feel the need.

The pressure to drink is immense from people though.  It's like you're being odd & a party pooper and seriously peer pressure.  Even the people that you would never expect.

Sadly, I lost my best friend due to our infertility.  I loved her to pieces but it wasn't a healthy respectful relationship any more.  People do find it very tough to sympathise and relate to and their advice can be gut wrenchingly priceless.  My best friend is an uber-mother and didn't behave well at all, despite knowing my DH had a vasectomy she constantly went on about relaxing at it only taking 1.  Well, it may well do but there has to be 1 there in the first place surely  .  After pouring my heart out to her at every set back and bit of bad news, she also proceeded to tell me how lucky I should think myself for not having children and that I should stick with just my dog.

Some friendships, no matter how much you love them, need to be put on hold for a little while.  If they truly love you then they'll still be there one day in the future and if not then your sanity and heart are far more important xxxx


----------



## greenfairy (May 6, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your support and advise. Its nice to know that you have all been through the same! I'm hoping that my next cycle in February will b successful!!


----------

