# LO wanting my OH



## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Hey guys,

I think this is the first time I've posted in this side. We brought home our 10 month old LO in December who is just a dream come true, we planned and prepared and wanted and dreamed... And then came reality... It's so hard, harder than I could have ever imagined. Things are getting better day by day, and there's more good times now then bad times. 

My problem at the moment is that I spend Mon-Fri 7-5 alone with LO and all he wants is me, but as soon as my OH comes home he changes his mind and doesn't even want to look at me... Is this normal?! I don't know what I should be feeling/doing. 

Xx


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

Hi Marley

In essence, yes. I think some little ones can only really attach to or focus on one carer at a time. Especially if he doesn't get to see them all day....it's like a new toy, something new to focus on. The fact that he does actually want your OH is great. I would hang around so you're still in the picture. We had months of rejection towards my DH and that was very hard. We are over a year in and he still will not talk to or even look at my DH in the morning and often struggles with the transition of care from one to another. If I hear my husband come home from work, I quietly disappear upstairs and our little one will happily go to him. If I'm there, he will cling to me and cry. Sorry probably not much help but just a different perspective on it.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Marley, I could have written your post myself.  Hugs because I now how hard it is. Our wee man was 8 months when we brought him home. In FC, he was VERY close to the male FC who did the lion's share of looking after him. When he came home, I became the primary carer including night time awakenings etc. during the day he was fantastic - really close and dependent on me. he wanted me to do the caring and seemed toshow all the right developing behaviours BUT as asoon as dh returned i might not have been here and I found it really tough. I was the one doing all the **ap dh would appear and it was 'dada' all the way. When i became upset my frineds simply said 'make he most of it and let daddy do things' but it really hurt me and i found it very hard to accept. We are 21 months on now (my lord I can't believe where the time has gone!) and things are a million times better - not perfect but significantly better. Sometimes he wants me, sometimes he wants daddy - all of which feels pretty normal to me.

When we could we did everything together - bath time, bedtime, food even nappy changes we did together.  I hung around whenever daddy did something. daddy made a VERY big fuss about anything I did, he gave me kisses first when came home from work, repeatedly said 'mummy loves you lots and lots', ' mummy is so kind look she wants to....' 'I love mummy because...'
Whether this helped or whether he has just bonded more over time - I suppose we will never know but it certainly didn't hurt.

Good luck Marley xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Totally normal 

We had quite a long phase of 'nooooo.....Daddy do it!!!' screeched at the top of his lungs, kicking and flailing arms !
It was upsetting at first, but then just became frustrating (for both myself and DH, plus caused angst for little man ) especially when we were in a hurry and he point blank refused to let me get him out of car seat/get him dressed etc, so we decided to address it. It was of course lovely that he wanted DH, but on the whole it ended up being when most impractical and therefore stress-inducing for all of us, including little man.

At first we gave in to him (as much as we could, when practical) but over time (and when it became quite disruptive) I very gently and calmly stood my ground (with DH also reinforcing the same) and 'persuaded' him that Daddy can't do it this time (even if he was around), sometimes it's Mummy and sometimes it's Daddy, we both do things differently and can't always both be available etc.
It soon calmed down and now, a few years down the line he's still a Daddy's boy, but as with all children he likes Mummy to do certain things and Daddy to do others (totally normal, as Flash says) but he now accepts that we all have to work together as a family and be flexible.

We're on to other battles now though! 

Anj x


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## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Just walked to the local coffee shop with LO and read your replies and they really made me smile, it's just so reassuring reading those comments. Thank you so much. 


Usually my OH takes LO up for his bath alone, so I might start popping my head in and helping out on a few things that my OH does in the evenings. 

Xx


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