# When can I Ps take child home.



## algrlsere (Jan 28, 2008)

Hi 

Just a quick question, if i do surrogacy for my friend and have C section, does anyone know when the IPs would be able to take the baby home.? Does the baby get discharged with me or can they take the baby early if all is well. Does anyone have an idea on the procedure


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

It's an interesting legal question actually.  I was discussing the other week with a leading QC whether handing over the baby technically constitutes making a private foster arrangement (since the intended parents have no legal status until they have their parental order).  If so, handing over the baby would technically require prior authorisation by a local authority, though I know in practice this is not something anyone does.  It would be interesting to hear more experiences from those who've been through it about any problems with hospitals releasing babies to intended parents etc.

As with everything in surrogacy (big sigh!) I don't think anyone has ever really examined the law that closely, and realised how ill-fitting it is.  It seems that to get a parental order you have to have the child living with you, but strictly speaking you can't have the child living with you unless that is authorised, either by way of a parental order or other means.

It's something I need to do a bit more research on for something I'm working on at the moment, so I'll add to this once I have found out more.

I'm sure others will confirm the general experience that when you hand over the baby is something to be decided between surrogate and intended parents.

Natalie
[email protected]


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

One other point to add is that one of the experienced SUK surrogates recently stayed in hospital after the birth for a few days together with her IPs and the new baby. This was the first time she had that time with the IPs and baby, and also for the first time, was upset afterwards about being separated from the baby, because she had that time to bond with her.  

I think it would always be much better for the IPs to look after the baby straight away from birth onwards - it's not the surrogate's child and I would be very surprised if any surrogate wanted to babysit so soon after the birth - it can only make things harder.

Fx


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## algrlsere (Jan 28, 2008)

YES your right there, i think its only fair for the IPs to get involved straight away and take over as my friend will want to do. We will be making every effort to get this to happen especially as i have reactions after birth which mean i cant get out the hospital bed for a couple days, would be nice to know i diodnt have to worry about the baby and could just concentrate on myself.
Leanne.


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,
When we had our daughter our surrogate had a planned C-section, and stayed in hospital for two days.
Because all was well we were able to take our daughter home the same evening, she was born at 10.26am.
We (all three of us) made sure the hospital were aware of it being a surrogacy, from the start and we were given a bed on an empty bay, to wait for our daughters arrival, and then care for her.
Our surrogate made it very clear to staff, that she was not the baby's mother and would not care for her, and the staff were great to us.
Although your IM is not legally the baby's mother at that point, her husband is the baby's father, unless of course you are married, which complicates things.
As the baby's father he can take it home, with your, (the mother's) permission.
If all is well there is no reason why your Ip's can't take their baby home. Just make sure the hospital know and understand the situation.
EJJB
x


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## lisabelle (Nov 14, 2005)

My sister was my surrogate and I just want to let you know our hospital set-up.

We made sure that the hospital knew our circumstances as soon as we had the date for the c-section.  My consultant wrote on my notes that I was to be handed the baby straightaway and all the care for the baby was done by me. As soon as Evie was born she was handed to me for skin-to-skin contact, which may I add was the most amazing experience of my life.  Our midwife told me to wear a vest top under my hospital scrubs ( ) and Evie was put ito it whilst I sat on the labour for about an hour with her. What a moment! 

My sister and I were transferred to the maternity ward the following day and my sister was taken down in a wheelchair holding Evie.  I was unable to carry her down myself as my sister was the birth mother and that was the hospital ruling.  It didn't bother me as my sister was due for a cuddle anyway.
We were put in a double bedded room which was fab.  I was in one bed and sis was in the other and Evie's cot was in the middle of us! 

Both our hubby's could be with us all day, which was great and we also had a good amount of privacy in our room.  When Evie was asleep I would give my sister foot rubs and just sit and chat. 

My sister's blood pressure went up on day 3 so she had to be monitored but they said me and Evie could go home.  But how could I possibly leave my sister??!!  I asked the staff if we could stay until Angela was discharged and they were totally fine about it.  I know that hubby was desperate to have me and Evie home but he was in agreement with me that we should stay with sis. I tiold sis that we came in together and we leave together!

We were discharged on Day 5 and I was in tears leaving the hospital, as I could not believe I was walking out with my baby!

The hospital staff were amazing with us, in fact we were treated like celebrities!!

Our birth and hospital experience was the perfect ending to our truly wonderful surrogacy journey.

I really hope you have the same experience as us.............good luck to you!

Lisa xx


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

I had twins at the end of last year as a host surrogate, and our hospital specifically said that the children could not leave the hospital until I was ready because (and I quote) "they could not seen to be condoning such an arrangement".

The hospital were great when it came to giving the IPs their own room away from everyone else.  They even gave me a private room away from bumps and babies, but when it came to taking the children home, they would not allow the IPs to take their children home until I was ready.  

That was the quickest C-section recovery ever!

Our hospital does not have a specific surropgacy policy.  I think it is time they wrote one.


Amanda


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

So sorry to hear about your experience Michelle. It's awful that they did not allow you to hold your baby.
I lost our son at 24 weeks, and would of killed anyone who had stopped me from holding him. 
Did your surrogate not insist that you could spend time with him?
I would definetly complain, this is an appauling way to treat someone,involved in the loss of a baby, regardless of their relationship to the child.
Perhaps you could contact SANDS Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society and ask whether they could offer training to the hospital.
I really hope you are able to mourn Clover's loss, as well as celebrate the birth of Jaimie.
Love 
EJJB
x


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## lisabelle (Nov 14, 2005)

I too was upset to read what you went through hun.  Where was the compassion in the hospital staff who were undoubtedly women and mothers themselves?? I am so so sorry for your loss hun.  

Surrogacy is getting more and more popular and hospitals need to move with the times.  I was so lucky with the treatment me and sis received but I find it awful hearing such negative experiences.  I know all babies are precious, but when you have to struggle to become a mother and take the surrogacy road, our babies just seem that more special. In fact they are miracles!

Good luck to you all


Lisa xxxx


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