# Anyone been involved with concurrent caring/planning?



## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi guys, 

Am in the process of looking at adoption and have also been sent details about becoming a concurrent carer.  Has anyone done this?  I will speak to SW about it but am wondering if anyone knows what the chances are roughly of adopting through this?  Ie is it quite high or really slim?  

If anyone has done this did they get to try again until they were able to adopt a child?  Also was it really really hard giving the child up if they returned to birth parents?

So many questions I know, but any info would be really greatfully received.


Thanks guys,

love maisie xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Maisie & welcome to these boards.

I have done concurrent planning and a member of these boards is going through the process of concurrent planning at the moment, I am sure she will reply to your message and hopefully give you some help as I'm afraid my story is a sad one. 

We were the first couple in England to experience a baby being returned to their BPS and YES it is a very hard thing to do and one I do not EVER want to go through again.

Contacts are also hard, the BPS will be-cross at you as well as SW,  To them you have their child, which is true and some will do anything to get their child back.  Some will follow what SW ask them to do and others will throw accusations a t you in the hope that SW will have a go at you!  

If you want to send me a message asking more questions then I will happily try to help.

I can answer some of your questions you have asked:-

The chances of a baby staying with you are higher than a baby being returned BUT you have to be prepared that it may be your baby that goes back.  Even though we knew a baby could go back it does not help you knowing that when you are dealing with the pain.

YES you can go onto to do concurrent planning again if you feel you can handle it all again.

My advice is to get as much advice as you can, talk to as many people you can and ask yourself if you are a strong enough person to deal with this.  People have called concurrency adoption through the back door BUT I have to totally disagree with that comment and say concurrency is a wonderful thing for the children involved, it's hard on the carers and the birth parents BUT at the end of the day, the child has to come first.

Good luck

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Maisie
I had a look at this and talked to DH about it in the summer but he said he couldn't do it, he couldn't take the risk of a child going back.  Good luck with your decision.  I also think it is good for the child/ren as it limits the number of moves etc but I know we would become too attached to soon.
Love
OT x


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Maise,

It is me Superal is talking about I am doing the home study at the moment. We feel that the benefits to the baby are massive in not being moved from one home to another. I know i have no idea how hard it would be if a child was returned, but that is a risk we are willing to take. 80% of babies go on to be adopted, if you are in the 20% you need to remember what a fantastic start you have given that baby.
PM me if you want more info.

Fiona


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your reply,  sorry to hear about your situation it sounds as though you both must have been through the mill with it all.  Must have been really hard when your child returned to BP, and it is something that concerns me.  I didn't think about the BPs having a go at us, or making it hard for us so as they can get their child back.  But guess that must be expected, must have been really hard for you to deal with, not sure if we are able to deal with that.  Will discuss further with SW though.  Thanks for your thoughts - it really helps to hear from others who have experienced this.

Hi Oldtimer

Thanks for your comments, yes it must be really hard going through all of that and then giving up the child.  Guess we have lots of thinking to do. I do agree that it would be best for the child: less moves etc.

Thanks everyone, and if anyone else has any experiences I would really appreciate a reply.

love maisie x


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi Fiona, just seen your message will pm you: lots of questions!!!

love maisie x.


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## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi Maisie

We have been approved to be concurrent carers, we were passed on October. We are waiting for a match at the minute, we have thought ling and hard about this and we feel that it is something that we could cope with, we don't know how things will turn out but I think it is worth the risk. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

LOVE K


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi Naoise

Thanks for your message.  Congratulations on being approved, bet you can't wait to get started?  Assuming that you work at present, have you had to give your job up at this point or when you are matched?  Just wondering re: finances etc how it works.  Also how long was your prep course?  

Thanks,

love maisie x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

We were interested in this and to be honest I would still prefer to do this as I feel it is better for the children and the adopters, and about the same proportion of ordinary adoptions also break down, most foster-adoption in the US is done like this and I think they may go over to this throughout the UK at some point.  But the nearest team to us was too far away and though I think they weren't quite understanding the situation e.g. realistic travel time for us, I can see the principle of their reasoning and so we are going for regular adoption.


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi Katie

Good luck with your adoption process: a shame your LA wouldn't let you go ahead with concurrent due to travelling time etc.  I didn't realise the US mainly use this approach.  It does seem like a really good idea, although am very concerned about the possibility of the baby/child being returned to BP.  That would be so devastating.  But like Fiona says it would be lovely knowing that you had given that child a fantastic start in life.  Well I am still trying to find out as much as possible and will no doubt grill the SW when I see her about it some more!!!  

Love maisie xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Maisie.............just a thought have you looked on Manchester Adoption Services website, they have a section on concurrency, look under the Goodman section and that will tell you a bit more.


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## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Maisie

I am still working at the minute at the start they said that I would have to quit work and then they changed their minds, I'm not sure if I will take leave and then just not go back or just leave completely but either way I will not be going back. Our sw told us that we would be means tested to see if we get adoption allowance. Our prep courses was over three days which was once a week for three weeks and we really enjoyed it. I think you know in your heart if the concurrent planning is for you I think that for us it was the way to go. All the best with everything.

LO K


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Naoise - thanks for your message.  Must be good (from a financial view point) being able to work until you are matched.  Your prep course sounds good, someone how I expected to be longer than three days.  It must have been great to have met some like minded people who presumably mostly have experienced IF. I guess you are right about knowing whether this is right for you, at the moment I really do feel it is the right thing also, but am waiting for the information session and know that will help us to assess things abit more.
Good luck with your match: hope it happens soon!

Superal - thanks for your advice about the website.  Off to check it out now.

love maisie xx


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