# we are living again and its lush



## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

After so so many years ttc and lack of holidays etc due to tx we are going on our first family holiday. We haven't been on holiday for 8 years since our honeymoon as fertility tx started 6months later and we ploughed all our time, money and energy into that and thank god it paid off so now, here we are a family of 3 and living and enjoying. 

Yes my daughter won't have a sibling and sometimes I feel bad for not ttc again but the fact is she will understand. I refuse to put our lifes on hold again, so we are now memory making and loving it.

Suppose I wanted to post a postive side to the end of treatment cause I'm always reading the negative


----------



## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Kara,

Have a lovely well deserved holiday.

If this cycle fails then we have provisionally booked Florida for next year.  Our DS will love it.

If he is our only child then I will just make sure that he has lots of hobbies where he meets friends and we will do lots of lovely things together.

One of my best friends was an only child and she says she had a wonderful childhood.  So much so, she chose to have only one child herself!

All the best.

X


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

I hope me posting here isn't inappropriate or offensive to anyone (what with not even having one let alone trying for number two)
BUT I did grow up as an only child and I don't think it did me any harm, if anything it gave me more reason to be creative, my memories of childhood are packed with fun times and adventures on family day outs, not sitting forlorn wishing I had a brother or sister. 
I had plenty of friends and my mum was a childminder so if anything I probably had more kids in the house than most people have siblings (and it was fab when they went home   )

I wish you every sucess  xxxxxx


----------



## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Thanks stace 

Bubble thank you so much for posting and tyler will like u have a wonderful life as an 'only' child. Hearing from single child adults makes me feel so much better about ending our treatment cause we do feel so very lucky


----------



## Tracey78 (Feb 28, 2012)

Thought I would add my 2p worth!

I am an only child too. I grew up with the most amazing family but one of my earliest memories is my mum disappearing off the sofa and then the next day my Aunt collecting me from infant school and my dad taking me to hospital to see mum.  There were a lot of tears for a while from people around me. 

At the time I was confused but years later mum explained that she had 2 miscarriages, me and then 2 further miscarriages. The last one I was old enough to remember.

It was at this point mum was advised to stop trying for her own health and in the end she didn't want it to affect me.

I would never judge anyone for their family choices and after the hereditary problems I have had icsi and thankfully am now 24 weeks pregnant with a little girl of my own I know how difficult it is for us all.

However I think sometimes we think too much about what children "miss" by being an only child. But truly you don't miss what you never had! I never did.  However that memory from the age of 4 still stayes with me and I would not like to think that I am making the child I do have worry, and make them upset over continued trying for another child that I may never be able to have.

Like I say, I don't want to upset anyone and the road we take with infertility is so painful and long that it is 100% up to each one of us how we deal with it.  I have a unique perspective as I have been the child of parents going through fertility treatment and have had to go through it myself and see it from both sides.

Personally we will not be funding any further treatment so long as our little one arrives ok as we pray she will but I will feel a little sorry that I did not get to make the choice on how many children I have. However if I am honest I had such a lovely time as an only child I think I would have stopped here anyway.

I wish you all health and happiness for you and your family and that whatever decision you go with it is the right path for you x x x x x


----------



## eibhlin (Mar 4, 2009)

Thanks Tracey78 and Bubbles85 for your lovely posts, they made me smile and feel reassured that it is okay and that DS won't necessarily feel deprived of siblings. Families come in all shapes and sizes as I keep reminding myself!


----------



## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Lovely post and congratulations on your pregnancy, the weeks will fly by now

We had an amazing holiday and so did our daughter

Its lucky I've come to terms with things as we arrived back to find my amh is now very low, I've been having af issues so they did hormone tests on me


----------



## DBaby2 (Jul 29, 2010)

Hi Ladies, just read these posts and I'm smiling, albeit with tears in my eyes.  To hear from you ladies who have no siblings is amazing to hear and so terribly needed for me right now.  I'm struggling to come to terms with things and seeing a counsellor to try help me through.  I've also found sport again to help me.  At the mo I still cry quite a bit but I do know that my DD (nearly 4) has a great life so far and I hope to be able to continue that for her.  Its funny as I heard a boy and girl siblings arguing in a shop yesterday and I thought "well at least mine won't have to put up with that!".  

The words from you are very helpful and encouraging and I'm grateful to you for posting them.  It will help to go towards the healing process so many thanks.

xx


----------



## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

I stumbled across this post and thank you so much for all you ladies who posted  

I have a DS who is 14 years old, from a previous relationship. DH and I have been through alot to try for a biological child between us and so far have been unsuccessful. I have a major fear of DS being an only child, to not have nieces or nephews, to have no-one to be there when DH and I pass away. But he has family and I hope he has a big family of his own to make up for the 'loss'. The guilt is immense but having read these posts, they have really helped ease it  

Wishing all you ladies the very best


----------



## MrsK2 (Feb 20, 2009)

Hi ladies ...
Was just reading & I want to say what a lovely thread! 
I partically liked "we can't miss what we haven't got" thAts exactly right!
Every family is different & it doesn't mean that the children with married mum & dad or separated parents or only child or one of six r any happier than the other ... Families come in all shapes & sizes!
it's yet another thing we are told by society that we 'should' have! 2.4 and all that rubbish...
On the outside my family when I was growing up was - married mum & dad, myself & younger brother! I can tell u that my parents were in An unhappy marriage & only stayed together for me & my brother, my parents have now separated after 27 years of unhappy marriage & I can say for one I would have had a much happier childhood if they had seperate years ago... What I'm trying to say is as long as there is love & happiness in a household it doesn't matter what a family consists of... Iykwim...

I am very fortunate that we have identical twins from FET, I do have some blasts on ice which I always think about using! But all that matters to me is that my precious children r happy & unaffected by any  treatment I may decide to have... I only think about my girls & my husband! 
I know how he'd tx was without any children! I can't imagine how hard it would be with twins to look after! I'm a very hands on mummy & my girls r my world! I would
Not like any tx issue to effect them, by
1) taking their mummy Attention away from them
2) financially effecting their life (twins r expensive enough) haha also dh hs 2 children from previous!
3) just putting their life's on hold in regards to holidays & precious family time
And that's if tx works - if I went on to have a bfn (which is one of the most awful
Feelings I've ever felt as my first ICsi failed) I don't know how I'd cope, I need to be emotionally & mentally strong for
My girls... 
I don't know if this makes any sense to you ladies but I think as long as we have 100% care, love & thoughts for the children we have already we won't go far wrong!
We all know the hindrance tx has had on  all our life's  & I wouldn't like it to carry on effecting my life with my children! 
All I want to say really to kara& others is that u have put your child's feeling before your own & have protected your child from this awful infertility world that unfortunately we have All found ourselves in...

I hope this makes sense to you all & I just wanted to share my story that maybe more treatment isnt alway the best option... 
What's meant to be will be - & agin as long as the choices I make in life I put my children & my hubby first then that's all that matters to me as a mum & a wife!

Take care
X


----------



## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

What lovely posts, having a mini FF get together a while back I mentioned that I was concerned that my DD will more than likely be an only child, and blow me, I was the only one who had a sibling....all the other ladies there on the day were raised as only children and they all reassured me that they had all had a full and happy childhood. I suppose anything that you're not familiar with is a worry.

I suppose now that I've come to the decision that my little whirlwind *will* be an only child, it feels like a weight has been lifted. We can concentrate fully on making Hannah the happiest, most contented, nurtured and well balanced, kind, considerate and polite young lady we could raise.

We love nothing more than showering her with time, love, patience - we're not the best parents in the world, but we're doing our very best for our girl. We have a lovely new family home, we have days out, little holidays, and generally enjoy our time together making lovely memories to fall back on in the future.

As long as we love each other, everything else should fall into place. Yes we spoil her (thats what they're there for) but we teach her the 'value of life' - we might not be rich financially but we're rich in the time, energy, enthusiasm and utter joy we share as a family.... we might only be a little family - but the tears I shed these days are with laughter and pride rather than the emptiness childlessness brings.

I will always be grateful for my little miracle, and like to think that any unused babydust and luck is shared with others to help them realise their dreams.

Sheila


----------



## MrsK2 (Feb 20, 2009)

Sheila - that's was a lovely post!  
I think a few people in this country should take a leaf out of your book & spend the love, time & money they hAve  giving the child/children that they Already have a loving happy childhood fully of happy memories spent with Mammy & daddy!
There's too many people in this country having children they can't manage & afford! 

I too shed happy tears - gone r the days when I felt I was missing out on something! 
Seeing your miracle enjoying & having fun & generally just happy is what makes life worth living! 

X x


----------



## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hello   

I stumbled across this thread   .  What a lovely positive read it was   . Good to hear from the grown up only children too.  

I do not feel like I need to still 'move on'.  The moment our Son was placed with us (adopted), I had well and truly 'moved on'!  

A few years ago, my Mum bought me a fridge magnet which read 'when I count my blessings, I count you twice!'.  How apt this is now for my 'only child'.  I count him twice   

X


----------



## Twopence (Dec 14, 2008)

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to say HI. I came on here to post and saw this thread. DH and I have just had devestating news that we cant have any more and I am finding it all very tough. Part of this is guilt about DD not having siblings (the other part is me desparate for another) and reading from you ladies who were 'only' children makes me feel a little better for DD.

I hope this pain eases because like many of you, life has been put on hold for sucha long time and I want to move on, for all our sakes.

Love to all xx


----------



## Twopence (Dec 14, 2008)

Thanks Lirac


----------



## rachel1972 (Jan 2, 2007)

what a good reminder Kara we are the lucky ones and now we can start to live a little , i went shopping for the first time in years i didnt think i should be saving this money for bloody tx. hooray its over, onwards and upwards


----------

