# Donor Egg & DH Family



## Guest (Jul 23, 2019)

I was just wondering has any else felt like this, I am considering DE but feel if I did have a DE child it should be closer to my DH’s family and would consider moving more near them then stay near my family in London. Does anyone else thing on these lines or don’t care about the connections? Maybe I am over thinking things but just feel link would be important to any child and want to think about what is best for them if I can make that happen.


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## dreadlockno1 (Jul 22, 2019)

Myself and partner are looking at various options now while awaiting results from an AMH test. After an ultrasound test the Dr basically said its going to have to be ivf and the likelyhood of it working will be based on the AMH test results. She didn't sound very optomistic about what the AMH tests will reveal. 

Anyway..... We have kind of been psychologically preparing for the instance of donor eggs.

I would say and truly feel that the child's family is you and your partner. You should live in the area where you would be able to provide the best life for the child. The child WILL be yours. 

From personal experience, I love them both but I am much closer with my stepfather than my biological farther. If I had to chose to live in an area it would be closer to my stepfathers house. We haven't discussed anything like this but I'm sure my 3 siblings also feel the same way. This is because the level of support he has offered us over the last 25 years is unparelled. My mother and stepfather separated almost 10 years ago and we still feel like this and he is always there.

In fact, we will likely need to borrow the money for either oe ivf or de ivf (dependent on amh) and he will be the first person we approach.


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## Guest (Aug 6, 2019)

Thanks for that. I just find the whole donor egg thing so hard to deal with. I constantly think about the child in the scenario. Going to the Czech Republic and having a child from a country that I have no link to is hard for me and I also think hard for any child. I would love a bigger connection to the heritage of the donor, I am Irish, but this would cost so much as would need to go to states as there they would have people with this connection.
I just don’t know, I know people say a child is a child but I can’t really get my head around the whole telling the child, how the child will feel etc. After reading a study Done on 8 women who went through DE i was even more confused as they all had the same concerns and issues I have and these didn’t go away with the birth, in fact in one case where the child has some emotional issues it got worse. 
So confusing and a lot I think to being into my and dh’s life and a lot for any child to take on aswell.


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I went to Cyprus and was offered British, Belgian and Greek egg donors.  One of my twins has red hair and dark brown eyes with skin which easily burns.  Yet the other develops a lovely tan to go with his brown hair.    Just because you go to Czech Republic doesn't mean only local donors however somewhere like Cyprus is more multicultural and would probably match your Irish heritage.
TCCx


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## dreadlockno1 (Jul 22, 2019)

We have only been looking for a couple of weeks but from what I read communication from an early age is key. Something like; "mummy and daddy had a little help making you, a spanish/czech/Greek lady helped us and you inherited some of her features."

I am always very curious on the effects of nature/nurture and belive nurture likely has a larger influence on a person's life. As most people have a similar nature/instincts anyway. I read this the other day which seemed fitting:

https://eggdonationsouthafrica.co.za/epigenetics-nature-vs-nurture/

I belive a parents biggest fear, even if the child shared 100% of the DNA, would be the child becoming confused/disruptive/unhappy/rebellious and it often happens. I'd put a wager on it happening more often in family environments where there is instability... Not a lack of DNA shared.

This is easy for me to say as I am the Male in our scenario and it will be my partner who will have the greater difficulty in coming to terms with this.


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