# Second baby at 45? Is this a crazy thought?



## Mac78 (Jul 11, 2017)

Hi all,

I had my precious boy at 42 years old, after 6 years of struggling with infertility. He is my sunshine and I cannot imagine my life without him, so much joy that I struggle to find words to describe. 

I loved being pregnant but it was not an easy one, had nauseous all the way to the end and by 37 weeks I developed gestational diabetes. I was hoping for a natural birth but I have had a c-section, it was a good experience and didn't take me too long to recover. Despite all the negativity that I heard, hard to breastfeed at my age after having a section, I was able to breastfeed him up until 10 months. 

I am already on HRT patches to help mitigate early menopause symptoms and I feel really blessed to have our LB in our lives. Sometimes, I close my eyes and can't believe he is mine and he does fulfill my motherhood desires.

The problem is that my husband worries about him being the only child, he's got one brother and they are really close. He lost his father when he was very young and having a brother helped him to cope with it. 

I am torn and don't know what to do. We do have 4 embryos left and my husband wants to give it a try, although I have been straight saying no way he still talks about it. I tell him I worry because of my age and I don't want to risk jeopardizing what we have now. At one point in our lives, we almost gave up having a family so we should be grateful we have our baby boy. 

I do worry if get pregnant again I could have some complications, however, apart from taking HRT I do feel healthy and with energy, just not sure is enough energy to cope with 2 kids without much support from family.

On the other hand, I am worried I will regret this decision. When I take LO to the playground and see him chasing other babies to play with him, it breaks my heart that he won't have any siblings. I do wonder if I am beings selfish here? 

If we do decide to try I will give birth at 45 years old with a toddler and we do not have much support around us. Financially, we will be alright, with only him working and me staying home with the kids. However, we would definitely have a better quality of life with one child only.

Sometimes, I wish I could ask my baby boy if he could choose between having a better quality of life or a sibling what he would choose? I know is silly, and this is what worries me because I don't think is fair to bring another human being into the world because we don't want our LO to be an only child.

I don't have much time to think about it either, as time is against me. I am not sure what the point of this post is, as I am very aware that this is a decision that only the 2 of us can make together.

I guess it would be helpful to hear from people that went or are going through similar experiences. 

Has anyone had a second baby after 44 with a toddler? How was it? 

Has anyone contemplated having a second one after 44 and given up the idea? 

Happy to hear any insights.

Love & Light to everyone


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## OursBlanc (Apr 15, 2019)

Dear Mac78, 

I recognize your dilemma. I am 46 and and hubby 51 and we we had our first baby when I was 44 after nearly a decade of TTC. At the end of last year we begun thinking should we have sibling for our DD. I was deliberating our reasons for having another baby, and while my husband reasoned that it's best for our child to have a sibling I felt if I do decide to have another baby it has to be for me, because I want it. 

A friend of mine had a baby in her early forties just started high school recently. When her daughter found out that her mum's friend is expecting a baby she was very excited and asked her mum in my presence why she didn't have a sibling?! Her mum replied that if they did she wouldn't have had all the nice thing she has had, and the holidays etc.

I thought a lot about my friends reply to her daughter and reflecting on our situation and the decision we/I was about to make. With any luck my DD will have a sibling because we her parents decided. I decided I want to feel that magic of being pregnant and want to give that gift of a sibling to her, and seeing her journey getting to know this new life. that she can share growing up and cherish the time together with. She will not know any different and won't feel missing out on things. I also felt I would look back in 5 years and regret not giving myself that opportunity.

We have just completed our first FET and waiting on the result. I have an uneasy feeling that the little peanut didn't stick. We have two more little frosties, two more chances to try, and I feel we will.

There is no right or wrong, you have to want it or not, and feel happy with the decision you come to and able to move forward with. I am sure you will make the right decision for you. 

Positive thoughts about the future and whatever that might hold for you all.


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## Mac78 (Jul 11, 2017)

OursBlanc said:


> Dear Mac78,
> 
> I recognize your dilemma. I am 46 and and hubby 51 and we we had our first baby when I was 44 after nearly a decade of TTC. At the end of last year we begun thinking should we have sibling for our DD. I was deliberating our reasons for having another baby, and while my husband reasoned that it's best for our child to have a sibling I felt if I do decide to have another baby it has to be for me, because I want it.
> 
> ...





OursBlanc said:


> Dear Mac78,
> 
> I recognize your dilemma. I am 46 and and hubby 51 and we we had our first baby when I was 44 after nearly a decade of TTC. At the end of last year we begun thinking should we have sibling for our DD. I was deliberating our reasons for having another baby, and while my husband reasoned that it's best for our child to have a sibling I felt if I do decide to have another baby it has to be for me, because I want it.
> 
> ...


 Dear OursBlanc,
Thank you for replying my message and sharing your experience. I do worry about regretting as well in five years time.
I am glad you both were able to make a decision and move forward. I do hope your little peanut will stick, fingers x for you.
Hopefully, my husband and I will able to have some quality time during Easter and perhaps if we will make a decision then.
Positive vibes from this side to you too🙏🏼


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I would go for it in a heartbeat. With 4 embies left u have a great chance.
Don't worry about age 
40s is hardly old x


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## Clara Rose (May 2, 2005)

I would go for it! Don't worry about your age...I had twins at 50! They are nearly seven now and I don't regret it for a minute. They are great company for one another. Your have an excellent chance with four embryos.

Good luck! x


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## Baking Queen (Jul 7, 2014)

Mac78 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I had my precious boy at 42 years old, after 6 years of struggling with infertility. He is my sunshine and I cannot imagine my life without him, so much joy that I struggle to find words to describe.
> 
> ...


I was 43 having my first and had GD and c-section. Had my second at 45 and it was a much easier pregnancy. They’re 5 and 3 now. Go for it! xx


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## moneybunny (Jul 5, 2017)

Go for it. had my beautiful healthy 3 year at 48.
Now 2 weeks away from transferring a frozen.
i feel healthy, i am very fit (weight training 3 times a week) and truth to be told - i have a lot of paid help, so i dont cook or clean and haven't touched laundry in years ;-)

but as far as age - If you feel good and your body is strong then it is a no brainer.


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## IzzyQ (Jul 12, 2016)

Not crazy! Having 2 is great. I’m going for no.3 at 46!


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## MommyKenny (Jul 9, 2019)

Mac78 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I had my precious boy at 42 years old, after 6 years of struggling with infertility. He is my sunshine and I cannot imagine my life without him, so much joy that I struggle to find words to describe.
> 
> ...


Hello dear, thank you for your post. I am sure there are plenty of women after 40 who had had second babies. Although I am still 39, I still have the thought of having more babies. Since you have the full support of your husband and the frozen embryos to rely on, you are lucky. We only worked with one embryo and I feel really lucky to have our boy too.


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## Sami78 (7 mo ago)

Not crazy at all if you really want it!
I’m turning 44 end of the year and still trying for my first! I’d like a second (jumping ahead here!) so by that point I’d definitely be over 45 x


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

I’m also reluctant in this matter. I have been ttc since 2009 continuously till 2019. During that decade I got 2 kids (a boy 2014/a girl 2020). I was 40 when I had the girl. I have several embryos left, one being a hatching blast-a girl. I really wish for my girl to have a sister because sisters are sisters. im happy having 2 kids, but girls tend to be close and helpful to each other. However, several things are on my mind:1. We live in the Middle East and my bf embryos are in the USA. It is a long way (14 hr flight). If I do it, it will be in a year or two and it’s not easy to drag 2 kids to another continent, one being only 5 years old, so far away. I don’t have anyone to leave them with for a few days.
2. I will probably be 45 if the treatment is successful. Is that the right thing to do- by the time I’m 60, I will have a teenager at home. This also holds me back.
3. Being exposed to ivf drugs and immune suppressants for so long, I’m afraid not to get cancer because hormones start changing from the age of 35. Cancer doesn’t happen over the night- it’s a process. Even now I don’t know how much damage was done to my health after all those years.
4. Eternal dilemma if I would regret in case I hadn’t gone for it!
I’m praying daily to be guided toward the right decision because it’s not easy. I think this is the hardest decision I have to make.


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