# 45 and not sure whether to do final IVF or go for donor eggs



## Miller20 (Sep 8, 2015)

Hi, I'm new here and my 3rd IVF had to be cancelled a few months ago. My DH is 54 and i feel we are both too old to do IVF but cannot give up on OE just yet...

I really just wanted to do three cycles for some closure before I moved onto DE - if I do as have to get head around that - but cancelling confused things because I didn't get to finish the third cycle. I am 45 and not sure if it's worth paying all that money and going through all that grief for IVF own eggs which might not work or do I do it so I have nothing to regret? I tried being ultra healthy the first couple of times but am now getting fed up and am having the odd glass of wine or slice of cake or 2 and with Christmas coming up, it seems hard to cut out one of the only pleasures left at the mo but then if I do do IVF, it was going to be next month (so should I be being puritanical?). 

Any other women my age and still doing IVF or anyone in a similar situation? If I do IVF in Jan, I feel I need to change my thinking - everything's so unsure. Thanks for reading, M xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Miller 
I can understand the reluctance to move on to DE.  I carried on with OE way beyond sensible thinking: only stopped at 44 when last cycle was cancelled because only one follicle and it wasn't worth paying the balance of fees for EC.  I'd said to myself if I'm forming embryos then it made sense to continue but I'd only ever get 1 or 2 each time.  

In the end I had to think to myself what did I want more a baby or heartbreak of a another failed cycle, another chemical pregnancy or another miscarriage.  I wished I long ago gone with DE.  However there is another option for you.  How about a Tandem Cycle abroad?  This is where a donor is stimulated at the same time as you as a sort of backup.  If you fail to produce any embryos at day 5 then you can have the donor embryos instead.  This means you get to have another go with your eggs and will always get to ET because of donor backup.  If you did form lots of embryos you could also have CGH on your own embryos to give you reassurance those put back are the best quality genetically as you are probably aware at your age the miscarriage rate is sadly 50% or more.  

Going abroad is so much cheaper, even taking into account travel with accommodation, and often more successful than the UK. Donors abroad are from all different backgrounds and cultures the lady I chose was  British even though I went to Cyprus.  

Good Luck 
TCCx


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## HMF (Aug 8, 2008)

Hi, I just wanted to share my experience.


I have had years of infertility, lots of IVF as you can see from my signature, but my infertility caused by immune problems and DH fluctuating sperm problems. 
We remortgaged twice to pay in excess of 50k in total for immune treatment and IVF and along the way we're told I had poor egg quality due to my immunes. I went to the Czech Republic ( as much cheaper and good stats) and had an OE cycle and following immune treatment had the best response ever but still bfn! At this point we were losing hope of ever becoming parents and running out of cash. 
I was told at the grand old age of 38 that I had a 15% chance of IVF success with my own eggs. In sheer desperation I did a lot of research as I only had enough money to pay for one more cycle. 
I went to serum in Greece and had a hysteroscopy. They discovered that my womb was white due to scar tissue so no embryo would ever have implanted, so all the cycles of IVF were a complete waste of time! 
I had a lengthy consult with the wonderful penny at serum and she told me that if I had a donor egg cycle my chance of succes was 70. %!!! No brainier for me and DH! I was desperate to be a mum and we couldn't afford to be paying out on more IVF with stats of 15. %! My case obviously complicated by immune issues too. So we went ahead 2 months later and I got my first  ever bfp!!! My little boy will be 4 next month and he is our world!!! The best decision we ever made. 
Luckily enough we have come into a bit of money so have decided to try another cycle next year, I will be 43 but penny has told us our chances are still 70 %, DH has frozen sperm and the donors in Greece ( unlike uk) are young proven healthy fertile donors and it's all completely anonymous unlike the uk. Personally I wouldn't waste my money on a donor egg cycle in this country as the donors are ladies going through fertility treatment them selves and there is no anonymity either. 
Hope this helps
Helen x


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## Miller20 (Sep 8, 2015)

Hi Tincancat - thank you loads for your message. A lot of people do say they wish they'd gone for DE long before - people who then succeeded with DE kids and wonder why they didn't just go for it earlier. 

I've never heard of Tandem Cycles - that sound fascinating, I'll look into it. People are saying to go abroad and I've been reticent because of the anonymity thing (I think I'd like any children to have the chance) but I know this is such a personal area. Also that you found a British lady in Cyprus. Thank you for the information and for sharing your experience.

Helen, thanks too for sharing. That's shocking that your womb had been white for all that time with no one here noticing or even doing the most basic of investigations. Lovely to hear your 4 year old success! 43 is not old for to go for a sibling either. You know it hadn't occurred to me about the women in the UK giving eggs, that they are not necessarily proven or that they may have fertility issues themselves. i will do some more research. Thanks both for your helpful messages and best of luck  

Miller xx


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## cornwall (Apr 9, 2012)

Hi,
Just want to say that I had my first IVF at the age of 49. We went straight for donor eggs as couldn't see any point in wasting money on an OE cycle. It took four attempts but the result was our beautiful daughter, now 16 months old. We haven't told anyone that she is an IVF baby, let alone a donor baby. People say she looks just like me. Even my own family comment on similarities. She is my third child and no different to my two older ones. It never concerns me that she is a donor baby. I don't feel any need to know anything about the donor.

If I have any regrets, it's that we didn't go for IVF earlier. We tried naturally for 7 years but could have had our baby much sooner if we'd gone straight for IVF. When DD was 6 months old, we decided we would try for another baby. Same clinic but different donor as the first was not available. The first cycle worked and baby is due in February.


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## Caroline1759 (Sep 10, 2009)

Hi Miller

I typed a really long response earlier this evening but just as I posted it the site crashed! I wanted to share my experience with you as I totally understand your predicament.

I won't go into why I left it so late to try fertility treatment as that's another story. Anyway, I had a cycle of IVF in April - 1 month before my 45th birthday. I used my OE and donor sperm. I didn't think they'd even get any eggs. They got 4, of which 3 fertilized. 3 good grade embryos transferred back to me on day 3. Now here's the weird thing. From early on I had strong symptoms that led me to believe I was pregnant. I know everyone says it can be the progesterone but I had other symptoms that I don't think could have been explained by that. 2 days before my test date I started bleeding. I did a hpt and got a negative. Thinking I was starting my period and with a negative test I called the clinic who told me to stop all meds as it was obviously my period starting. But I've since had some doubts about this.

This month I had fertility treatment again. This time using frozen eggs (fortunately I froze some of mine at 3. Similar result - got 3 embies. 2 were put back in me but on day 5. I've had almost identical symptoms as the cycle in April. Plus again 2 days before my otd I started bleeding. I did a hpt and it was negative. However, this time the clinic I am under (different to the last clinic), when I rang them to tell them about the bleeding, told me to increase my progesterone meds and test again on my otd. The bleeding stopped and on my otd I got a very faint positive on the hpt. I've subsequently gone on to have my hcg level checked by the clinic who confirmed I am pregnant plus they tested my blood progesterone levels. 

I know people will say the IVF in April most likely failed due to the age of my eggs (a 45 year old vs a 38 year old). But I'm not 100% convinced myself that it wasn't because of my progesterone levels not being high enough and perhaps if I'd been advised differently my the clinic the pregnancy may have been viable. I will never know.

Whilst rare I think there are some women who can get pregnant in their 40s. My friend is literally about to give birth any day now. She is 45 next month. A natural BFP. My Uncle's wife got pregnant at 46 and had a healthy baby. That was 17 years ago. Again natural.

If I was you I would get hormone levels checked asap and make a decision. I think Tincancat's suggestion of tandem is good. Ultimately I decided for me that it was worth another £5-6000  for the chance to try. It's a lot of money but no more than the cost of a luxury holiday or small second hand car. I'd rather have a baby! It's tough going through full IVF at any age but I have to say I found it harder physically doing it at almost 45 than when I did the 2 cycles at 38 and 39 for egg freezing. There's no doubt it took a bigger hit on my body this time. However I don't regret it one bit and would do the same thing again. I would say go for it if you think you can and if you stand a chance. But if it doesn't work you can look at other options such as DE. If my current pregnancy fails I think that will be my next option.

Whatever you decide though I wish you the best of luck
Xxx


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## nevertoolate (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi
I wish you well with your journey. I am going onto de next year after on failed oe attempt. I am upset at the move to de but as I read on another post, the biggest upset of failed treatment is the emotional and stress fallout of all the hope we have wrapped up in this journey. As I am a similar age group to you I am very aware of the time span being against us so you need to decide your own personal limits on your health, financially and emotionally to keep going with oe. I would love to keep going with oe but I personally now just hope to be a mum by having treatment with better odds.  It is very difficult to let go of oe so I understand where you are coming from. Xxxx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Hi dreamingofBFP  cause of yr advanced (sorry) age i would personally go either de or ivf pgd. Personally agree with Tincancat due to long waiting list in uk and more affordable prices ed abroad is not bad option. If you consider ed abroad you can check  international boards of  fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=261.0 or eg  eggdonationfriends com  where you will find lots of info as eg expected time treatment, success rates, prices, comments and reviews, etc.  Good luck in yr search!


/links


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi,

Just wanted to point out that there are many UK clinics with short or no waiting lists now contrary to received opinion.  Many are not egg share and don't forget even egg share patients don't necessarily have fertility issues - they may be lesbian couples, single women, or male factor for example.

I did 3 own egg ivf cycles in the UK and US between age 44 and 44.5 and got pregnant but miscarried on each one.  I moved on to do  3 DD cycles and again miscarried all.

It is important to realise how small the odds of a live birth using OE ivf really are.  If you have the money and strength to have another go for closure then that may be something that feels right to you.

Moving on to DE gives you a much better chance.  However, I would also have some basic miscarriage testing as you are 45 and very often women move to DE without fixing issues which will prevent pregnancy e.g. thyroid issues, sperm, uterine, clotting, infection, autoimmune etc.  I would really advise having some of these tests regardless of OE or DE.

Finally, it may not seem important now, but your child will have the chance to have an ID release donor in the UK (also potentially in the US).  You will also be given counselling in the UK which again, can help with talking through the issues of moving to donor eggs.

I have children via DD in Spain who are 9.  I wish I had more information about their donors for me and for them.  It is really worth considering all of these (possibly with a counsellor) so that you do feel really happy and confident whatever you choose to do and wherever you have treatment.

Wishing you the best of luck,

Daisy xxxx


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## Miller20 (Sep 8, 2015)

Hi Cornwall, Caroline1759, dreamingofBFP and daisyg

First, sorry for the delay in replying - I'm pretty slow on forums and social media generally. I hope you all had a lovely Christmas day yesterday. Thanks for your messages - Cornwall, amazing news you are now expecting a second from DE in February after the first age 49 - that gives me hope and congratulations.

Caroline1759 - thank you so much for responding and sorry you lost your first message! My God, what you said sent a shiver down my spine. Your situation is almost identical to mine. I am also positive I was pregnant the first OE IVF age 44, regardless of the pregnancy mimicking progesterone, there was other stuff that convinced me - also I started bleeding 2 days before test, stopped the progesterone and that was that. Ditto 2nd IVF, started bleeding, had heard something about clinics upping meds at this crucial time but when I called the clinic in tears, the receptionist was rude, unhelpful and horrible and I wasn't able to speak to anyone for advice as I couldn't get my message through to her (this was Create, they've since apparently done some more sensitivity training) because she didn't understand what I was trying to say. Anyway, I think if it happens next time I might up the progesterone myself given what you've said. I know they were younger eggs for you this time but might as well try a different approach? Am so pleased for your positive news too and best of luck with it.

Thank you dreamingofBFP - that's where I'm at, in the process of letting go but not without a fight! I also don't want to be too old for DE so know there is little time...

miamiamo - I agree it's cheaper abroad but as daisyg points out, there's the ID release donor issue to think about. Daisyg - thanks for your sensible advice and yes, it probably is about closure. I've just had a thyroid test that came back at 1.7 and will think about the autoimmune if we DE though it's an added expense and DE is so pricey - I can't go abroad sadly because I've decided it's important for any future children - if I'm lucky enough to have them - to have the choice to trace their origins but I know that's such a personal choice. 

Wishing all of you the best of luck in your various journeys xxxxx


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## CurlyGirl1225 (Jun 26, 2013)

I think it's fascinating to read the stories put on this thread from those in their 40's  The results pretty much all show failure from failed OE then success from DE or DS. 

To me who is in a very similar 'final go at own eggs at 42 or just get on with DE' situation it does make me think 

And there will be little miracles out there from girls in their 40's who've had  an OE successful birth but the odds are very slim 

I think maybe if I had a spare ish £7k i might have one last go. But I'm already thinking I might need a few goes at DE


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## nevertoolate (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi
One thought that is keeping me going are the ladies who have posted to say their emotions felt the same on and oe and de pregnancy. It is not the future I imagined but it can still be wonderful. I sincerely wish us all success whatever route we take to be mums. I know that I will never take anything for granted in my life again and maybe that is a good thing to come out of all of this.


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## coldhandswarmheart (Nov 22, 2014)

Hi Miller20
I just read your post and couldn't believe how many similarities we have - so believe me, I really feel your pain. 
We also were very much under the "3 strikes and we're out" rule as far as IVF was concerned, but like you, were left heart-broken and confused when our 3rd (and meant to be final) cycle was a complete disaster (due to the clinic forcing us into ICSI when when we didn't really need it). As well as being utterly devastated I felt so over-whelmingly cheated that we'd had "nothing to put back" and therefore that we just didn't get a final crack at the whip. 

This happened last September and since then I have been going truly out of my mind with the back-and-forth of trying another OE cycle vs. using donor. I quite literally change my mind every day.  I went back to see our Dr at the clinic and she gave me all the statistics etc but in the end wasn't really pushing me either way.

My thoughts overall (today at least!) run something like this:

- going straight to DE now will probably save us alot of heartache and money (although of course no guarantee there either, just odds are so much better). All the stats re miscarriage, live birth etc all fall massively towards this option. My DH is very much of the opinion this is what we should do as he just feels we have been through enough, which I have to say, I totally understand. I'm sure you've truly been to hell and back like we have, so you know what that's like and who wants to willingly invite that back into their lives? 

- and yet, and yet and yet........ It is SO SO SO hard giving up on that dream of your own eggs. While you're still having periods, while no doctor will tell you there's no hope, while your ears seems to prick up every time you hear of any woman on the planet who managed to get pregnant in her 40's -  if you're anything like me, you cling to each of these and just think - maybe it can be me? 

I promise you I'm not deluded, I'm a realist, but while I feel that tiny thread is still dangling there, it is so incredibly hard to walk away from your OE. 

I've been doing masses of reading about epigenetics (if you haven't, you definitely should) which is really heartening, and I do really feel DE is a fantastic option overall, but I have to be 100% sure that I'm ready to go there now. My biggest fear is looking back in 20 years and wishing I've given it another shot while I possibly could.

But on the other hand, we can all only make the best decisions we can for the circumstances we find ourselves in at the time, and trust that we did the right thing. 

I'm not sure if any of that helps, but just to let you know you're really not alone and these huge decisions are really so tough - you must be kind to yourself whichever way you choose to go.

Sending masses of love and hugs and hoping you'll find a way to make the decision that works for you
xxxx


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Hello everyone. 

I've also been in your shoes. I've thought your every thought and I've debated for years the circumstances, chances and my own sanity. 

After 5 failed cycles and still no one telling me to give up, there is nothing wrong blah blah I went for cycle no 6 after a hydro removal. Well I was blown away when I got a positive.. Saw a heartbeat one week and the next nothing. Heartbroken, devastated I sat down with two different specialists and asked them their honest hand on heart opinion.. They took into account my age, AMH, history and the cost to date (not that cost was a factor but i had spent some £57,000 by this point. Anyhow both specialists.. One being my 2nd private clinic and an independent IVF consultant who also is the top gyne in the midlands and both gave me very true factors. Yes there was a chance it could work again.. I have two Frosties from cycle number 6 but the chances of finding that golden egg could also give me a positive or negative outcome. Could be all happy and flow through to live birth or could be another breaking heart situ. If I wanted to put myself through it again they said DO it but be mindful of what could happen. OR you've the best option (in their opinion) and that was straight to DE.. 

I thought long and hard.. Could I put my old body through this again.. What if the sadness comes back.. Anyhow long story short I jumped to DE.. Well my signature reads the rest. Only my body failed my son and I to which I've now had a TAC placed.. Oooouch! 

I don't know how I've even functioned since Phoenix's birth but somehow after being in labour for 6.5 hours, after meeting my son at just 20 weeks, feeling the massive pang of love, affection and feeling that true totally love for my son like I've never felt before I'm going to try for a sibling for him... I'm having the same donor and I'm praying my little boy who lives in the clouds sends me his sibling.. God bless you Phoenix X 

So what I'm trying to say is follow your hearts, do what is right for you but be mindful of what the outcome could be when we get to a certain age.. There's not guarantees in either cases and if I'm totally honest I'm terrified to try again as I fear I could never be so lucky to be pregnant again. 

My love thoughts and best wishes go to you all xx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

hbk - my heart goes out to you - I think you're so brave to be able to be so open about your beautiful angel Phoenix. I do so pray that he sends you a healthy sibling.
I just want to echo what some of the ladies on here are saying - I know it's hard to let go of OE, and sometimes you feel you have to try again and again. I went straight to DE as advised due to statistics of about 5% as I was 45 when had first tx. I had a fresh and FET with DE at LWC - both resulted in BFNs. I decide on a change of clinic, and moved to CARE Sheffield - can't speak highly enough of them - I had DE at 46 and my first cycle with them resulted in a BFP - now have a gorgeous, and much loved 18 month old son. I loved him from the moment I found out I was pregnant and do not think about the DE - as far as I'm concerned, he's all mine. Do read up about epigenetics. I wanted to try in the UK as my son will have the chance to find out about the donors if he wants. I have 3 frosties and am embarking on a cycle in Jan to try for a sibling. DE gives the best chance of success and to have a healthy baby - but it's not a 100% guarantee. As I'm single, the cost was also an issue. I didn't want to keep throwing money down the drain.
Good luck with your decision.
Deb


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## Altai (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi all

When I started IVF , I'd  thought I'd only do 3 oe cycles.  Ended up doing more than that and every next one was the last one. It's difficult to let go of oe  but I think especially when you are single. 
I think there is a chance of finding that golden egg but it's more likely than not require more than 3 IVFs  esp when you are over 40. I know some women have been lucky ang got pregnant on a 1st or 2nd go. 
It took me 10 cycles and numerous ovulation inductions to get positive. 
When I had my first ever consultation with fertility clinic, a consultant told if you only have money for couple of IVF cycles, then probably oe IVF is not the best way for you to go. I was 42 almost 43 at the time.  that's was very rude awakening call but it probably set me off to the possibility of having more IVFs. 
Only you can decide on your own financial/emotional/etc limits and how long you could go on with oe.

Best of luck with whatever you decide. 
A.


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## Glitter (Jan 3, 2016)

Hi Miller and other lovely ladies.

Such a tough call. By 42 I had had 2 failed OE cycles, had investigated DE using a family member but it turned out her AMH etc wasn't  suitable despite being 6 years younger with 2 healthy children.

I had been investigating Serum and gave Peny's number to a friend who had already undergone 4 OE cycles in the same year. She had a consultation. Was offered DD embryos and a week later flew back to have them implanted. She got her first ever BFP, now a lively 3 year old. Now has a sibling from same batch of frostiies.

I immediately wanted to see Peny and whilst I really thought I wanted one last OE cycle when I went through the odds I decided to go with DE. Like someone else mentioned a scan revealed white tissue in the uterus so I had a hysteroscopy  and a couple of months later had 3 Embies tranferred and 4 frozen. My first ever BFP resulted in twins (now 3).

In 2014 I got a surprise natural BFP but the pregnancy didn't develop and I had to have an ERPC as didn't miscarry. I felt completely different with that pregnancy - terrified as I knew my egg quality would be poor. 

We were just starting to think about frostie transfer and I found out yesterday that I tested positive again (no idea of date of LMP - have not tracked ovulation / timed sex since before the twins) I am terrified again and really really wish I was pregnant with my frostiies as I am convinced I will lose this baby too due to quality/age of my eggs.

I can categorically say that I could not love an OE baby more than my DE miracles. I have never regretted the swap to DE. Everyone is different but hope my perspective helps

Have you had any more thoughts?

Xx


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## pucca (Dec 12, 2008)

I know exactly how you feel . How many eggs did you get on your last cycle, and what quality were they?


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## pucca (Dec 12, 2008)

The problem as always is egg quality, we can't change this ,its our age. Eventually I got tired of failure and now I have a four month old, considering trying again this year for a brother or sister .


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

hello!
I posted exactly the same message around a year ago - I was just about to turn 45 at the time and wasn't sure whether to try with OE or go straight to DE. 

At that time most of the récipients encouraged me to really look in to DE - which I did, we are 5 failed cycles down but I absolutely do not regret it! 

The statistics on going with OE at my age and situation was so poor I just did not think I could put my DE and self through that emotionally, time or financially with such low odds. 

We are in the process of changing clinics and trying again, during the consultation the clinic director said there was no way she would put me through OE

Do I regret not being able to carry my own biological child - I am curious what they would be like, but I dont think my genes are all that, so I am happy to have the opportunity to be the nurture part. 

I echo the other ladies comments on trying clinics abroad, I dont live in UK so have to travel anyway but from my limited experience the service, response and facilities far outshine clinics at home. 
Wish you all the best


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## Glitter (Jan 3, 2016)

Chooshoes - what a tough journey you've had but very excited to see you're heading to Serum. The care there is so tailored and I have seen some amazing results from very tricky cases (my friend had DE triplets aged 50 after years of failure with OE and DE). You will be in the best hands. Peny truly believes that any woman who wants a baby has the right to become a mother and will do her very best for you. Everyone I met out there 4 years ago now has at least one baby xx


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## Miller20 (Sep 8, 2015)

Thanks so much for all your replies. Coldhandswarmheart, I feel your pain and the back-and-forth nature of this. It's so hard to decide, perhaps you just have to go with what you want to do (not what the stats or doctors say) so that you know you are doing your best. How horrendous that none of your eggs survived ICSI, especially when that wasn't your original plan anyway, I am very sorry that happened. I will read up on epigenetics, it's been mentioned a lot - are there any particular books anyone can recommend? The hope swinging one way or another that you mention really resonates with me too. Lots of love back to you and luck... 

HBKMorris, sending you lots of love, that is such a tragedy. I hope you have a better outcome next time. Deblovescats - that's a really encouraging story and I might explore Sheffield and other northern CAREs - interesting what you say about LWC as I was thinking about going there. 

Thanks other lovely ladies for answering, it's such a confusing place to be in though I am leaning towards doing OE one last time.  It is really helpful though to hear Glitter and others saying that once they have their DE baby, it feels exactly as it might have with OE. I wonder if the fact they are DE ever surfaces later though, when different behaviours show themselves and you wonder where it came from or worry about it?

By the way, what is Serum and Penny, as people are speaking so highly of it? Looking online, it seems like it's Serum Sperm Bank in Greece - would that mean that the donors would be anonymous? I would like any potential children to be able to trace their biological mother/siblings so it looks like only UK for me, which is tricky. Age 50 and triplets sounds like a dream... xx


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## Glitter (Jan 3, 2016)

Hi Miller. Yes Serum is s fertility clinic in Athens http://www.ivfserum.com . They have some very active threads on the FF international clinics sections. A lot of their donors are Easten European so they have plenty of blonde hair, blue eyed donors as well as the brown : brown combination of many Greeks (if this is important in your decision making) and many are in their early to mid 20's. It's true that donor anonymity is maintained so it is probably not the path you want to go down right now. Penny is the Medical Director - her mother was told by a GP in front of Penny that she'd "never be s grandmother". Penny has grown up children of her own now and is a one-woman tornado fighting for to give every woman the child she dreams of x

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## two_mommies (Feb 2, 2016)

I'm 40 so I know I'm a bit younger but thought I'd give my 2 cents worth. We have been trying for 5 years. We've done more than 12 iui's. (I lost count!) and then we did 3 ivfs, 2 with my eggs and 1 with my wife's eggs, who is 43. Basically, our egg quality just wasn't up to scratch. We tried EVERYTHING to improve them, from natural to chemical. Our clinic eventually suggested donor eggs. In all of our cycles we've ended up with only 1 or 2 poor quality embryos to transfer. On this, our 4th ivf cycle with donor eggs, we have 5 beautiful, strong embryos, of which we transferred 3!

I'm not saying it's going to work. I only test on Monday and I have all the same doubts and crazy thoughts as I have had each cycle. But this is the first really good shot we've had and we're feeling really positive. We also had two good embryos to freeze so we get to try again.

I was very against donor eggs in the beginning but then I thought, if nothing works, and we end up adopting, how is this different? It has the added advantage of you being able to carry that child and bond with it. How can you lose really?

I'd give it a go. You will love that child no matter what. I'm 100% sure of that.


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## marty123 (Dec 26, 2015)

Hi, Miller20.
Hope you're alright now and feeling much better  
It's so hard to read such stories especially when you're just at the beginning of the ivf journey. I feel great sorrow for the things happening like this. 
In 5 months I'm 40 yo. Having lots of contradicting things stuck in my head. Being diagnosed on luteal phase defect they realized later only there is only 10% verdict for me to conceive with OE. Firstly I couldn't believe it, rejecting every other thought of using DE. Besides you know luteal phase defect is not such a big deal. It needs some progesterone added. But as for my eggs quality it was a real disaster for me.
We had numerous talks with my husband on the point. Each time asking each other: what if it's worth trying with OE? What if the docs are mistaken and we can do it ourselves? - all possible "ifs", "whats" and "whens". It took us a pretty long time really to make our mind 
All in all we decided it to be DE IVF in biotexcom, 5 attempts due to my age. Our 1st app is 10th Feb, feeling nervous and excited about it.
In our case we decided not to pass any procedure with OE having such a miserable chance. I do think it will work out with DE. Just didn't want to get through the failures blaming myself - maybe this is just my weak side but I'm absolutely sure I'll love my DE baby as my own one 
If the thought of three attempts is so stuck in your head probably you should try again with OE. Who knows maybe this time brings you success


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## Miller20 (Sep 8, 2015)

Dear two-mommies - I wish you the absolute best for this attempt and such a positive story to read, I hope I develop your outlook. It's a good point re. if you're going to adopt or it looks like it's going that way, then at least try DE if you can. My mind is a bit all over the place - went to an adoption talk the other night, reading about DE and will probably try a final OE IVF but I think I've got a vague plan. Thanks Glitter for the Serum info - it is the anonymity conundrum. Marty123, I do feel better now thank you as time just moves you on, doesn't it? Even if it's bit by bit that your perspective changes. Good to hear your story. Have you had recommendations to try Biotexcom? Just looking at their website but not clear if it's anonymous donation in Ukraine, probably is.  I wish you much luck!


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Miller, I had tx at Serum too and was cycling alongside a 45 year old lady using her own eggs who got pg with twins so it's not completely impossible, If you have a spare 7k you have nothing to lose in trying!

Hey Glitter did Penny tell you she was the 1st woman in Greece to undergo IVF   (Dr G carried it out I believe) due to cultural issues it was a very taboo thing and that's how she ended up in the business, cool huh


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hey Miller when was that amh and fsh done if recent those are amazing as you have the amh/fsh of a woman mid thirties! Another consideration would be donor sperm with your eggs as you may get a very positive outcome with a much younger male, would you consider that??


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## Glitter (Jan 3, 2016)

Blonde - no Penny didn't tell me that but she told me that her Mum took her to the GP when she was 16 and he said in front of her to her Mum "she's never going to make you a Grandma". She said it is her life mission that any woman wants a child has a right to the best possible help to make one. She has a couple of grown up children I believe x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Yes think both her son & daughter are IVF babies   at least one of them is helping out at serum now too and no doubt will take over her legacy in time x


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