# Sticky  Second time adopters- part 1



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies and Gents

This is a new thread for those who have adopted once and then gone on to adopt againor who are thinking of adopting again- either a birth sibling or starting from scratch again with the process.

We thought this would be a useful thread for being able to talk directly to others who have "been there, done that"

We hope this thread and topic is useful to you all

Thanks

MEz and Saphy
Your adoption Mods
xx


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## everhopeful

Thank you MJ and Saphy, what a great idea!!

Count me in  

xx


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## Suzie

Good idea for a thread 

Never say never hey 

x


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## Old Timer

Will be interesting to read I'm sure!  We are planning on starting again during the 2nd half of next year.

OT x


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## ♥ M J ♥

well this is something that we have thought would be good as we are now getting lots of posts from those going for number 2 (or more!)

Suzie- i keep asking SWers when can we go again! and i have 2 already!!!!

xxx


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## Suzie

Our LA dont usually allow us to until K is 6 but exceptions for foster carers


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## saphy75

i have to confess this was all MJ's idea      great idea hun 

pam xx


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## keemjay

do i count even tho i've already done it  

kj x


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## Suzie

Most certainly KJ   we will be coming to you for advice!


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## ♥ M J ♥

keemjay said:


> do i count even tho i've already done it
> 
> kj x


you do count as your DD came home for months before your DS did- this thread is about support for things like intros for the 2nd time not only for you however for your current child and the new child

xxx



saphy75 said:


> i have to confess this was all MJ's idea     great idea hun
> 
> pam xx


oh we can share this one hun

xxx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi ladies,

great idea this.

we're set to go to panel for approval for no. 2 on the 27th...all the paperowrks in, so will let you know the outcome!

xruthie


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## jilldill

Great idea,
We are just waiting and waiting to start again we applied a year last September! Hey ho without my little Sunshine this wait would be really hard going as it is I am just so thankful for my little girl a second child would be icing on the delicious cake we already have!!!!!
Love JD x


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## superal

Do I count as well..........I'd love to adopt a third But I am more than happy with my lovely 2, YES even the stroppy teenager and the little madam who thinks she is older than what she is.

Love
Andrea
x


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## ♥ M J ♥

superal said:


> Do I count as well..........I'd love to adopt a third But I am more than happy with my lovely 2, YES even the stroppy teenager and the little madam who thinks she is older than what she is.
> 
> Love
> Andrea
> x


YES you count- you are our lady with very wise words.

oh a 3rd- are you going to? ekkkkk!

xxx


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## Suzie

Oh fab fab  we have lots of great member advice on this thread then  

loads of luck to ruthie and jd for panel and assesment! 

xx


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## jilldill

Thanks Suzie, I hope the New Year will bring some sort of move forward
JD x


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## cindyp

Ruth, I didn't realise your panel date had come around so fast, let's hope they find you a quick match.

JD, fingers crossed the New Year brings some news for you as well.

I can't believe it is over 2 years since our second panel, 3 more months and DD would have been with us for two years.  I could ask where the time has gone but I know it is school/playgroup/work/housework/playing.  There definitely seems to be less time available with two instead of one.  That said, if I knew it wouldn't affect DS with his attachment issues (and unfortunately it most likely would) I would probably put in for another one but then I've always had a touch of the crazy   

Cindy

PS MJ, I don't mean by that statement to call you crazy by considering a 3rd, then again


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## ♥ M J ♥

cindyp said:


> Ruth, I didn't realise your panel date had come around so fast, let's hope they find you a quick match.
> 
> JD, fingers crossed the New Year brings some news for you as well.
> 
> I can't believe it is over 2 years since our second panel, 3 more months and DD would have been with us for two years. I could ask where the time has gone but I know it is school/playgroup/work/housework/playing. There definitely seems to be less time available with two instead of one. That said, if I knew it wouldn't affect DS with his attachment issues (and unfortunately it most likely would) I would probably put in for another one but then I've always had a touch of the crazy
> 
> Cindy
> 
> PS MJ, I don't mean by that statement to call you crazy by considering a 3rd, then again


 Cindy i am crazy- you ask the NE FFers and they will all confirm this- i just love the idea of lots of children and if we didnt have IF issues and been able to have babies as /when we wanted as long as i could have i would have been on number 4 by now! think for me its cos i have 2 siblings however 5yrs old and 10yrs younger so this makes me more determined that our children (pre-match) wuld be siblings close in age!

xxxx


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## shivster

I may/ or may not be on here in the not too distant future.

My DS birth mum has just had another baby.

We hope and pray that this time she will be found fit to care for her child. Her situation deeply saddens us, and we have great sympathy for her. 

However if the plan for this baby is to be adoption baby may come our way. 

I don't have any hopes to get up... if that makes sense!   In that we will go on to adopt again at a later stage anyway. Plus in my heart of hearts I would be pleased for BM if she was able to care for this one. However if the plan ends up being adoption we would wish to be considered, and SS are aware of this. 

I am not even revealing the baby's gender as it is far too early on. We will just get on with our lives and see what happens  

Shivster x


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## jilldill

Well the New Year didn't bring much good news re second time around! We have been told Sunshine will have to be 4 rising 5 (she is 3 and a bit now!). We have no hope of a birth sibling hence the long wait. We also have an issue of living in a two bedroom flat. It is etremely large with a massive living room, a garden and we are surrounded by parks and fields. We will have to see what will be accepted for a second same sex child. Any ideas on this or stories you have heard would be a great help of course the rules are again different if the 2nd child is a birth Sibling I know of several situations where same sex birth siblings are allowed to share a room. We have room to create a third sleeping area for us or a sofa bed in the vast living room! They said the "expectation would be separate rooms" but how black and white this is we just don't know.
Feeling pretty down about it all at the moment
JD x


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## magenta

oh dear Jilldill,

So sorry to hear that your plans have been 'temporarily scuppered' by ss. Hopefully they will let you be assessed pending the 'age gap' problem.  

As for room share it really seems to vary.  Up here in Scotland the 'guidance' given to us was no room sharing of different sexes and no same sex sharing once the combined age is 6 (unless birth siblings who have previously shared a bedroom and it is in the children's best interests to continue (and even then they seem to want a 'spare room' so that one child can move room if needed)).  So to have two children you must have 3 bed house. 

I hope you get clarification on the bedroom thing and can be processed as quickly as possible as the year will fly past and at least if you are approved and waiting it hopefully won't be so bad. 

Magenta 
ps - I can't beleive sunshine is 3 already. it seems only a few motnhs ago that we had our 'babies' placed!


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## jilldill

Thanks Magenta i'm going to pm you.
Love JD x


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## Camly

hi all

hope u dont mind me butting in. we are not yet at the 2nd time adopters - not even at first time adopters yet!    just looking for abit of advice - we have always been keen on sibling group and have been approved for 6 months now. our sw'er has come back to us to say that we are going to be put forward for single children.  we are at the stage of talking just now about whether we would go thru the adoption process again - tbh at this stage we are both 'no's'....... 


for those that have gone thru adopting for second time, was it the same as the first time?  was it any quicker than the first time? we felt the whole process was quite tough but i know that it could be different if we have a littlie and would then want to go thru it again?

sorry if this doesnt make sense..... and thanks in advance for any wisdom u can share with me.  


lots of love camly x x x x x x


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## Old Timer

Hi Camly

We haven't done the 2nd time yet but are counting down the months till we can apply again, our LA say 1 yr after AO so we have 5 months left!

When we started out we were aiming at sibling groups, get it over and done with, never go down that route again so to speak but we didn't find the process tough, in fact we enjoyed it.  So when it came to finally writing the matching criteria on our form f we asked to be considered for single children as well with the view of us adopting again.  For us considering singles meant we got a match fairly quickly, 5 weeks but had to turn that one down, and it was only another couple of months until we found out about DS.  Our LA didn't have any sibling groups within our age range, we were willing to discuss many issues, for nearly a year and friends of ours ended up going out of county as they didn't want to go through it again.

The process next time, as far as our LA goes, is a lot quicker.  No prep course and the homestudy consisits of updating the areas that have changed due to having a child, checks and refs being done.

I'm sure we would have coped with a sibling group but I am glad now we were able to give all our attention to DS.  He was 2 when he came home and longed for a Mummy and Daddy, especially a Mummy, and he settled and attached so well, so quickly because he had our undivided attention.

Next time round we are being more specific, ie wanting a girl and under 18months, so we know we could be in for a longer wait but having DS already will keep us busy and it won't be the same as longing for a family after years of tx and then the process.  

Obviously when you have one child SWs have to look at matching with that child as well so depending on the first childs needs you could find you are limited more to the issues you could be matched with which may mean a longer wait.

Good luck with findng your family.
OT x


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## Camly

hiya ot

thanks very much. ur post makes perfect sense. i think its just that when u have ur heart set on something and then it doesnt work out (so to speak - we do realise how lucky we would be to end up with one littlie).

suppose we will just need to wait and see how things work out.

thanks again though, really appreciate ur advice.

x x x x


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## saphy75

as you will probably noticed i have stepped down as a mod as i just couldn't keep up with everything anymore   and i have had a break from ff 

but i'm back now and feeling refreshed  

we are going in for a sibling for our ds and will be doing the prep groups (yes we have to redo part of them) early next year, sounds like a lot has changed since we were approved for our little one   so i'll probably be asking loads of questions on here   

OT must be almost time for you to go again !! 

pam xx


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## Old Timer

Hi Pam

Good luck with #2!  We are phoning on the 1st Dec to start again and they did say we would be able to start the same month!  We don't have to do prep course again, just checks, refs and some of the HS that has changed due to DS.

Good to see you back.
OT x


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## fiona1

Oooooooooooo Just seen this thread and it's stirring those feelings I'm desperately trying to squash, I would LOVE a third child.

Fiona X


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## Viva

Fiona...I'm the wrong one to talk to we have 3 and now I want 4 am I   DH may need a little more convincing though...can't get over the fact that our family doesn't yet feel complete and I always said 2 or 4. Having 3 has it's moments but it's doable!  
Viva
X


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## Old Timer

Ummmm, I'd have 3, DH would be happy stopping at the 1!  I am hoping that with #2 we may get a birth sibling come along as I think that will be the only way to convince DH for a 3rd.......well for now anyway, I normally get what I want eventually 

xx


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## superal

WELL ladies I always said 3.............but the older they get and the older I get I will stick with 2!

Good luck to everyone going for additional siblings.

Love Andrea
x


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## saphy75

awww don't blame you though Andrea we have said 2 will be our limit   thanks for the good luck wishes i have a feeling i might need them this time   

pam xx


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## Old Timer

Typically just as we are approaching the time we can start again DH has to go away with work for 2 weeks so even though i will make the phone call it looks as though it will be the New Year before we start HS again.

OT x


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## hewson

Hi

Does anyone know if there are any government/statutory requirements about how long you have to go back to work for before you take a second period of adoption leave?

Am going to try to search for info but thought you ladies often have the knowledge!

Thanks
Hewson


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## wynnster

Hiya

I'm unsure exactly on this one BUT I did ask our sw 6 months or so ago and was told they can run straight after each other so you dont necessarily have to return to work to take another year off..... or so I was told...


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## Old Timer

Well, today is the 1st December and true to my word I phone our old SW about starting again for #2.  SHe said she wasn't surprised to hear from me 

Even though DH is away for the next 2 weeks we are still able to get our initial visit done before Christmas, 22nd in fact!

So its official, we are going through the process again and I am soooooo excited.

OT x


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## Suzie

Woo hoo great news OT  and of course we want to hear all about your new journey 
xx


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## Old Timer

We had our meeting today and all is well, they will be sending out our forms and acceptance letter tomorrow and HS starts in January, we will also have a panel date penciled in as they are fully booked for 3 months in advance.

Excited and nervous to be starting again 

OT x


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## wynnster

Well done OT    Must feel a whole mixture of emotions going again  

May be posting here myself in 5 months


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## Old Timer

Thanks Wynn.  Yes, all a bit strange but we have seen our SW loads since the AO so it doesn't really feel that she has been 'gone' from our lives.

Good luck for 5 months times (why 5months?)!

OT x


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## ritzi

erm - can i join you? 

Boys sw just phoned - BM baby is being put up for adoption - and can we meet to discuss it in January? aaarrrghhhh

we've been waiting for this news since the birth in the summer - bit complicated as BM moved so now baby has another SW to our boys - but SW's have been in touch with each other  

Am i mad to even be considering this?  

ritz


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## Old Timer

Good luck Ritzi, I don't think you are mad considering a 3rd child, I know a birth sibling would be the only way DH would let me have a 3rd, but I guess you have a lot to take into account whatwith the boys eye problems, lack of respite and help you have been getting etc.  If you feel you can cope it may be the way of getting the right support in place for your whole family.

Keep us posted, 2010 will be another year of emotional rollercoasters for a number of us 

OT x


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## Boggy

Ritzi if you are mad, then I must be too!  

SW are already talking to us about no3 and BM's not even due till Easter!

Let's go mad together.

OT & Wynnster - Sounds like 2010 could be an interesting year for you both!

Bx


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## mollyk

Hello,

My DH and I adopted our DD just over two years ago. We are now ready for a sibling. We found out last week that we have been accepted to adopt again with the same LA. I would really appreciate any information regarding the second time around.
How long does it take? In general are you waiting longer to be matched? Is the process the same?
At the moment we have just been sent the CRB forms and medical forms......

Any information would be gratefully received. 

Many thanks.


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## saphy75

we are just going for no. 2 now   we have to do 2 days of the prep groups again as it's over 4 years since we were approved first time round and loads has changed since then  

pam x


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## Old Timer

Hiya

We are also going for #2  and have been told our LA give 4 months for 2nd assessments and hope to get us to panel in the first half of this year, we are getting a date booked now as they are booked 3 months in advance but they have lots of children going through as well at the moment.

Last week we did our crbs etc and went through the new form f with our SW.  She can use a lot of info from our old form but some of it has changed and we will need to do those bits in full or add to info already recorded.  It is heavily based on competences and we have to prove that we are able to do all the things they require, mainly through our referees I think as they will be asked whether we are able to provide a safe environment, advocate for a child etc etc.....The fact DS is alive, well, growing and forward in his speech etc (behind when he came to us) doesn't seem enough to show we can look after a child!

I'm currently in the middle of doing a pen picture of DS, we are doing as much as we can on our own and emailing it to SW to save time, hers and ours!  I should add we have the our old SW and she knows us really well so is happy to let us do this.

We spoke about how she would 'talk' to DS and our obvious worries that something may trigger in him bringing back memories that he has either shut out or just doesn't remember due to his age when in FC and moving.

We haven't had our official letter yet accepting us but we have been told, prior to our application, that we would be accepted and we start our HS proper next week.

We don't have to do any prep course/days again so that one less thing to 'fit' in.

Good luck.
OT x


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## mollyk

Hi,

Thank you OT and pam....

We are really looking forward to starting again but not looking forward to the paper work!!!

OT, I guess there will be more questions at panel this time round as we have to Proof how we have taken care of our babies. We have been sent the CRB forms and medical forms today. we have to fill them in and then I guess we will be allocated a SW.
I am guessing things don't take as long second time around? Fingers crossed we should go to panel by the end of the summer DO YOU THINK? Do you mind me asking you what LA you are with? We are with Essex which covers a huge area. Also, how long has it been since you adopted your last baby? It has only been just over 2 years for us...
Thanks for your msg's

Good luck to you both also.


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## Old Timer

Hi Mollyk

We have been told the approval process should be quicker (about 4 months) but the wait will probably be longer due to us saying a girl under 18 months.  However, we all know how unpredictable these things are so we are just going with the flow and if it takes a longer time then so be it, I am determined not to get forced into taking an older child until we have at least given this a go.  Our La is G and we officially adopted ds just over 1 yr ago, he has been home 20 months, and because we knew we'd have a longer wait this time round we wanted to get started as soon as they let us which was a year after AO.

OT x


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## mollyk

Hi OT,

Four months doesn't seem too long, I would be happy going to panel in 4 months....
I don't think we will get started with HS until around April, time checks are done and we are allocated a SW. Fingers crossed we go to panel end of summer time. We are not stipulating the sex of the next child, but like you, want a child under 2. ( our DD was only just 9 months when she came home). How old was your ds when he came home?. We have already been told that we may wait longer than last time (waited 5 months after panel until matched) as they have to take into account the child you already have.
As you have said, its best to just go with the flow as what will be, will be.
Will keep you posted on our journey...Good luck with yours..


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## Old Timer

Hi

DS was 2yrs 2 months when we met him, straight into terrible 2s and a very stubborn child!  At least he attached and settled really quickly, could have been a lot worse 

We were linked 5 months after panel, met him 3 months later due to SWs holidays delaying things.

There is a 2nd time thread on here somewhere, we could keep upto date on there.
Good luck.
OT x


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## wynnster

Merging topics now OT  

Happy Chatting Ladies and Best of Luck (Hopefully Chat Soon   )


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## wynnster

Hi ladies,

I'm only dipping my toe in here but have a question for you....

I've contacted SS about adopting a second and we already knew we'd have to wait until May to start but just had a few questions and have been told to expect to be approved by the end of the year.  Great but I'm then thinking about timings for being matched, DS will start school Sept 2011 and I don't want anything to happen around that time for obvious reasons.  When are your LO's due to start school and how does that fit with your approval for number 2 ? 

xxx


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## Old Timer

Hi Wynnster

We've just had a hs visit and have been talking about panel dates for May, should find out exactly when by next Tuesday.

At our initial visit this time round we talked about timings, it was us that raised them not the SW, and said about DS going to school in September 2010.  We have said a placement by end of July would be great but then we would want to wait until DS was settled into school full time, most the schools here do 4-6 weeks integration so this would take us into October/November before a placement would be Ok.  We have said we want either a good month with DS at home getting to know his sibling if its before starting school or for him to know he is going to school regardless of a sibling arriving, not a sibling arriving one week and DS being sent to school the next.

Though we are aiming at a May panel we are likely to be facing a longer wait after approval as we are specifying a girl under 18months but as we all know in this game you just never know when that call will come or how long things will take.

Good luck, May will be here before you know it!

OT x


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## mollyk

Hi Ladies,

We handed all our paper work in yesterday (crb's medical forms etc) so at least we feel we are ' on the road ' again. SS said the CRBS are taking 3 months to come back now ( don't sound right to me ) Anyway, I guess we just have to wait as we always do with SS.
Its feels good to be on our journey again though. 

Hope everyone is well.


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Everyone,

Do pop on for a quick peep but not much time to post with Pooh bear and Pinky Keeping me busy........... But it looks like we might be heading for number 3 aswell!!!! Found out at xmas that pinkys BM has had a baby, little girl who is now 7 months old. So we have our initial visit on wednesday OMG!!!! My main issue is DH is having reservations for lots of reasons so not going to be an easy ride, may need a shoulder to cry on.

Thanks

PBMxx


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## Old Timer

Good luck PBM for Wednesday and the coming months.

Keep us posted
OT x


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## Old Timer

We have a date pencilled in for panel - 21st May  

We have a couple of visits left to finish HS and SW is coming to see DS to 'play' a couple of times, other than that its just the referees and the checks.  May seems ages away in some respects but we have to have our report by the 16th April which is only just over 2 months away!!

OT x


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## Boggy

Hiya

We at long long last have a date to go to matching panel for Dino - 9 months after he moved in!  I can't believe they also have to have a linking meeting to decide if we are the right couple!  Talk about red tape!  Hopefully we'll get to court this side of the summer, probably about a year after he moved in!  A half-sibling is due in May so can't moan to SW about being slow too much - better keep in their good books!  

Having 2 under 3 has been very hard work, I can't imagine 3 under 4.  Glad I'm not the only mad one considering a third!  

Bx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hey

Well it was not ment to be for us. Met with SW today and there is an issue with little one which means she is not a suitable match for us. At the moment I feel gutted, but i know in my heart this is for the best for her and also for pooh bear and Pinky. But at the moment i have all the old feelings of loss, my heart is broken. But in the end i have to think about the 2 very special and children that i have and thank god evry day for them.

PBMxx


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## mollyk

Hi all,

PBM - sorry to hear things have not worked out for you, as you said things happen for a reason ( I too am a firm believer in that). Hope time mends your broken heart...

OT - great news you have a panel date... May will be here before you know it. Do you mind me asking what LA you are with? Mine certainly does NOT move that fast!!!!  

My friend just called to say she is PG with her second, I am sooooooooooooo happy for her but still get a pain in my heart when I hear close friends getting PG. She had our first when our DD came home so it was lovely as they have grown up together + we were on maternity/adoption leave together...

Anyway, I think god daily we have our precious DD in our world and pray another will not be that far away      

Hope all have a lovely day.

Chat soon.


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## Old Timer

Hi All

PBM - sorry the match wasn't to be (((HUGS)))

Mollyk - any news on  starting HS?  

We have just over 8 weeks until we get our report and 13 weeks til panel, the speed time flies lately it will be here before we know it.  Not sure what to think as to how long it might take after, SW keeps saying things such as 'if it happens before DS starts school will it be a problem?'  obviously we say no.  We have decided though to ignore any comments that could be read as possibly something in mind and just get through to panel and then start waiting.  DS will certainly be keeping us busy in the meantime 

OT x


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## Old Timer

Last HS session today   Now we just wait for the report.

OT x


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## wynnster

Fab news OT  

Gosh thats gone quickly!!


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## Old Timer

Thanks Wynn.  Yes, really quick!

I emailed DS's old SW last night and she replied today, thought no harm in having her looking out for us .  She wants to talk to our SW as she has a number of cases at the moment that may be a possibility though she doesn't want to get our hopes up but says she would like to work with us again.  

We shall see what happens, if we get a quick match all well and good, if not then we will just wait until the right one comes along.

OT x


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## wynnster

no harm in asking ay OT    Ohhhhhhh lets hope so!


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## Old Timer

Bumped into DS's old SW today in the supermarket!  OMG!!!!!  She spoke to our SW within days of coming back from mat leave to make sure we were going back through the process because she has a number of cases that could be possibles...............so our SW, bless her, has known of possibilities for a month or so and her hints have been there but we have chosen to ignore them..............

I know nothing more other than we should be very optimistic of a quick match and DS's SW is going to come and see me soon, she has to bring DS's later in life letter, but she can't tell me more at the moment...................

Talk about carrot and stick!!!!  Already doing my head in knowing nothing more than they are female under 18months old....

OT x


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## wynnster

OMG OT you must be feeling just a little bit   though!    Here's hoping they're right and you will get a quick match to your daughter


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## mollyk

Wow OT that is great news!!!!!! I hope a quick match comes along for you, nothing worse than waiting when you are ready.    

We are still at medical stage. I had mine last week and my DH is tomorrow. I will give SS until the end of March and then contact them to see where we are at

While having my medical it was brought  to my attention that I have slightly raised blood pressure. Doc thinks it isn't anything to worry about as all other test are fine. Do you know if this could affect our next process? What sort of medical issue do affect your application? I did read on the medical form that not very often does a medical problem affect the process.9 unless life threatening) Stressing a little though  

Good luck.
xxx


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## Old Timer

Mollyk - did your doc do more than 1 BP reading?  I don't think it being slightly raised will be an issue, so many things on a day to day basis can affect your BP.  I don't know what medical issues would effect the process, I guess they would have to be really serious ie life threatening or meaning you couldn't care for a child, which obviously slightly raised BP doesn't come into.

If you are worried though I'd give SS a ring and just ask them.  Do you have to go back and have it done again?

Hopefully after your meds things will get moving for you.

OT x


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## Old Timer

How am I supposed to not get excited?!!!!!!!!!

DS's SW has just phoned......she is going to panel early May, court end of June for PO and wants things moving quickly.  She is talking to our SW and wants to talk to us with more into as soon as we have been to panel.  Littlie is under 6 months old now, removed at birth.

She thinks its fate!

9 weeks til our panel...........can I be put to sleep until then?

OT x


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## wynnster

it works out for you, how awful to have to wait ALL that time BUT how absolutely amazing, remember how long you were thinking you'd have to wait!!!


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## superal

OT I am a great believer in fate and by reading your post so are you..........from beginning to end of our second adoption it took just 9 months form doing all the paper work, panel and so on to our DD moving in....I thought ours was quick but yours seems to have flown by!!

Wishing you lots of luck and YEAH get a tad bit excited!!!!!!!  & no we cant put you to hibernate till then but being a second time adopter now you know how hard work the intros and everything are and what you have to do until that specail number 2 person moves into your lives so why not do a to do list and hopefully it may help the time past a little bit more quickly...either that or a last minute holiday if you can afford the break!!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

As expected our SW has sent me an email saying she has spoken to LAC SW and there are children out there but no guarantees of a match for us blah blah blah.......she is very good at bringing you back to earth very quickly!

We haven't and won't mention our chats with LAC SW to our SW as I don't think she'd be very happy - she is a stickler for doing things the right way.  

Andrea, if this one comes off it would also be 9 months from start to finish.    DS will certainly keep us busy over the coming months and we do have decorating etc to get done and a holiday at Whitsun........

Timing wise this could be perfect with summer holidays and DS starting school in September but, if it is right, its going to be a battle getting our SW to prepare for matching panel before the PO is granted.  Ideally I would want to start intros the last week or so of July while DS was till at nursery and then have August at home with him as well before starting him at school in the September.  

Reality....well, we shall just have to wait and see................

OT x


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## superal

well I for one have my fingers crossed for you....our DD also moved in during the summer period....June..exactly one year to the date that our concurrent baby was returned to her BPS...so I am a GREAT believer in fate!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

just thought I'd see if anything was happening?

Our Form F has been sent to panel advisor today and we go to panel in 3 weeks time.

OT x


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## saphy75

hi all, haven't been on here for ages. We have done the preps (again) and started the home visits. Have to say i am finding it all a bit overwhelming this time around and keep having serious wobbles about it al lol

OT, have you been to panel yet ? hope it's all gone well.

pam xx


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## Old Timer

Hi Pam

We go to panel next Friday 21st!!  Feel  totally different this time round, not so excited or nervous, just a case of ticking the boxes.....mind you by mid next week I will probably be feeling totally different again.

Well done on doing your prep course, was it the same as last time?  Have you been given a panel date yet or any idea of number of visits?

I found it a bit 'strange' at first having HS again but tbh it was all over before we got into it this time, was so quick!  

OT x


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## saphy75

good luck for friday, although i'm sure it's just a formality at this stage   

prep groups were just the same, pretty pointless redoing them really    no idea on panel date yet either but have got a few home visits booked. i keep swinging from being excited to wondering if i'm doing the right thing, but i know it's just the process putting me off coz if i think about another little one running round then i know it'll be worth it    hope that makes sense 

pam xx


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## Old Timer

Perfect sense 

There was part of me at the start that wished we'd had siblings first time round rather than do it all again but I am so looking forward to having a littlie in the house again, DS is growing up far too quickly!

It will be worth it.
OT x


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## Old Timer

Just to update....

We were approved at panel on Friday so are now waiting......
We have to arrange a hand over meeting as we are getting a new SW for the next bit as our old SW did the assessment as a favour but isn't actually doing this bit anymore as she is the deputy manager.  That wont be until we are back off holiday after half term.  The potential littlie isn't getting PO until end of June though by the time we get back off holiday and get the spare room cleared out and painted that will soon be here.

OT x


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## Viva

Congratulations on being approved OT and so exciting that there is a potential match in the offing, I'm sure you're right that time will just fly!!IT's different when you already have your hands full with you DS.
Viva
X


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## shivster

I don't know if you remember me I have been away for so long...  

Little Bear is nearly 4 - how time flies! 

Back in 2008 I posted about a birth sibling -wasn't meant to be (child is dual-heritage). Then there was another birth sibling who is also dual-heritage. 

It would have been all too soon for our little family (these things are easier with hindsight) but we feel we are now ready for number 2. Once Little Bear is 4 we are going to ring again (tried last October but told to come back once DS was 4). Little Bear, wants a sibling "a brother called George"   . We have explained how child will come with a name likehe did but to know avail!!!

Simulataneously looking forward to and dreading HS again!

Glad to see there are others going through the process again.

Shivster.


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## Boggy

Welcome back Shivster!


Glad to hear all going well for you   


bx


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## Old Timer

Hi Shivster

Welcome back, good to hear all is going well and you are ready to start again for number 2.

We were approved last week for our 2nd and tbh found the whole process so much easier this time round, though we didn't have a bad time before, and panel was like something I do every day!!

Good luck
OT x


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## shivster

Hello both   

Boggy, was it you whose DH is clergy? We are going into the 2nd year in my DH's first parish.

Thanks OT that is very reassuring.

I will let you know how we get on 2nd time around. Will probably use LA again - better the devil you know and all that!


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## Boggy

Hi Shivster - yes DH is clergy, we're 4 months into our 2nd year in our first parish.  Going great, very happy.  Hope yours is too.


Bx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hiya, 

Not had much to post lately but been watching! We had bit of a bolt from blue last week. When we adopted ds2 he had a younger birth sister that we were lined up for. But bm did major sorting out of her life so that didn't happen. Last week we found out that ds1s bm has had a baby and they have been "moved into an assessment unit". From what I can find out this means last chance saloon for bm. Anyone else know anything about this. Dh won't let me talk about it in case I get carried away but can't stop thinking about what it means

Xxruthie


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## wynnster

Hi Ruthie

How can you not get carried away with these thoughts.... you're only human.  Just try to remain as grounded as you can   
I know of one case where bm was given 'a chance' in an assessment unit and for her she failed after a few weeks and that was her last chance.  Baby was later adopted. 
What have SS said? Have they told you to prepare you for the possibility of this little-one or are they in support of BM? 

xxxxx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi we've heard nothing directly from social service, bm told us in a contact letter. Then we have. Friend of family who sits on adoption panel who told us what it usually means, so nothing specific at all. Doesn't stop you thinking about it though!! The thing is it was always elieved that bm partner was responsible for boo1 injuries, but this is a new partner and things still going wrong?? Although as we don't know the specifics of what's going wrong with this child maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions!

XxruthIe


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## Old Timer

Our update is:-

The final court hearing for the littlie we have been told about is mid August now   why do courts take so long??!!!!

Neither BPs turned up to the hearing this week and haven't had any contact for months.

All being well things will just be delayed by 1 month.

We are decorating this weekend and I have ordered the nursery furniture, which will take about 1 month, as we know what the room will be like and what we need regardless of whether we go forward with this child or not.

OT x


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## Suzie

OT sorry to hear of the delay , so frustrating for you 
what things you going for in the nursery?

Just dipping my toes in here  as assessment for W is starting in couple of weeks 

bm had been approached about it being us and she is more than happy  
x


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## Old Timer

Hi Suze

Yes, annoying but if its meant to be.....We have been put forward for another little girl as well and out of 6 couples waiting 4 of them are where the majority of the children are so Ass Adoption Manager doesn't think we'll be waiting long either way.  If we'd wanted a boy we'd have been matched by now but we are sticking to a girl and waiting......for now!

We are having a cotbed, chest of drawers and wardrobe in antique pine.  We are painting the walls a 'gentel yellow' and having Winnie The Pooh theme.

Good news re BM being happy about you adopting W, am sure the assessment will go smoothly.

OT x


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## wynnster

Hello All

Just wondering how you're all progressing in your quest for number 2?   

We are officially back on the road again now for a daughter aged 0-18 months    Feel a bit    about it all but i'm sure we'll be fine.  Scarey to think of having two children but can't wait either    We have decided to delay HS until November as our old sw is back off leave then so gives us a bit of breathing space and SS think its a fab idea   

xxx


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## Old Timer

Hi Wynnster

Well done on getting started and I don't blame you for waiting til your old SW is back, makes the process so much easier in our experience.

You are going for the same approval as us.

We have just had to turn down 1 littlie and are now waiting for the result from court on the 12th August for the one we hope will be a good match.

OT x


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## Suzie

Great news wynnster , you are back on the road for the quest for your daughter  

OT - I hope 12th brings good news for you 

We are waiting for assessment to start for W . SW left message earlier in week but didn't try our mobiles that they have on paperwork and she is occasional worker for them so can't ring her back!  oh how I have missed working with the adoption unit


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## Old Timer

The PO was granted today so either tonight or tomorrow morning we will have the full cpr.  We have a meeting booked for next Thursday and panel date is penciled in for the 24th Sept......just hope we agree now 

OT x


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## Suzie

ohhh OT  

Hoping this goes well 

xx


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## Old Timer

Thanks Suzie

We have just finished reading the cpr and i am bursting with excitement!!!!!  She really is a perfect fit into our family and other than an update on the report there are no questions we need answers to, no health issues, meeting all milestones etc, been with 1 FC since birth.........

OT x


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## Mummyof2

oooh OT, all sounding wonderful.  I can remember reading ds2's cpr and knowing he was the one for us and he has become part of our family as though he was born to our family.  Hard work and a monkey but loving and special.  What an exciting time for you all   

DS2 was being looked after for a couple of hours at a friend's house last week when he decided it would be fun to climb a trellis on to the neighbour's large shed roof and run about!  Yesterday, in a shop, he pulled apart a large plastic sword whose hilt was full of bubble bath.  The bubbles went everywhere, all over the floor and him.  Mega embarrassing   

Thanks for all the happy birthday wishes on ** for yesterday.  It was my 50th so dh is taking me off to London to a top hotel and to see Les Miserables today.  The inlaws are coming to babysit overnight.


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## wynnster

SOOOOO pleased for you OT - Your daughter sounds perfect


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## superal

oh so exciting reading everyones news about their journeys for their second child.........brings back lots of memories  and for us it was very quick and easier the 2nd time around.............our 2nd child........DD  was only 9 monhts old when placed with us and she is fast approaching being 10!!

OT sounds  really exciting your  news and I look  forward to reading more...as well as everyone else's journey.

Andrea
x


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## Old Timer

Well, after nearly 6 months of being told she is ours if we want her, we had our meeting which went really well and then the LAC Manager decided they had to see 2 other couples due to the location of us in relation to the birth family.

We are still in the running but am totally gutted    and don't believe we now stand a chance.  They have known about the closeness all along and the LAC SW has convinced us it would work, came up with all the ways we can get round it and even the possibility of direct contact with half siblings and grandparents and how that could be managed (though end of day there is no contact order so wouldn't be something that would have to happen).  They have said we are perfect for her and I know they need to look at others for panel to be happy but I think they will comprimise on something else not being right in perference to the location not being right.

I've typed a 4 page document on our thoughts surrounding location, letterbox, direct contact and her realising eventually the closeness, have also stated a lot can change in that time, any of us could move etc so we can only go on the facts as they stand, and worst case senario of the birth family working out who we are (well we have been through much worse with SS giving our surname to DS's birth family, having met them and them knowing the area we live in).  This will at least show them we have seriously thought about these things and how we would handle different situations IF they arose.

I can do no more other than wait, hopefully we will find out the week after next, but I am stepping back emotionally from this child, it has broken my heart to be put in this position after being allowed to build up our hopes and attachment and my trust in SWs has yet again been hit big time.

OT x


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## wynnster

Hello

Just thought i'd bump this up a little   

Our application is now in progress, we've done our crb's and our references have had their letters, just waiting on our medicals and for our sw to come back in a few weeks before we start our hs again.    We did hear from another sw that we should be approved within 3 months      The head of Ds's pre-school congratulated us today as she'd received her letter so it is all very real now and lots of people know   

OT -    Have you heard anymore? 

Suzie - How is your application going for W? 

Shivster - Are you any further along the road for number 2?

Pam - Any news from you? 

Wynnster
xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Suzie

Great to see things moving for you wynnster 

we have panel booked for January ( earliest there was!) so fingers crossed all being well we can put court papers in feb  ( don't have to wait 6 months as he is already with us )

just want it to hurry up now so i can breathe a sign of relief 
x


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## Old Timer

Hi Wynnster

Good to hear your progressing for #2.

Suzie, glad you have a panel date, it won't be long before you're legal!

Well, we have moved on from the littlie we were told about for 5 months.  We have been put forward for a relinquished baby girl but due to SW being off sick the panel for 'plan to be adopted' was cancelled, also the linking meeting (we were put forward at early referral stage), SW was back 2 days and then on 2 weeks annual leave so no idea when the linking meeting or panel for her is let alone whether we will get to see the cpr.  We enquired about a baby boy on BMP but after his SW speaking to ours we didn't go further, his health issues could mean he could just suddenly drop dead and we couldn't risk that.  We have enquired about a little girl (19months old) from our consortium, she is older than we wanted but they want a family able to take new born baby bro if he goes for adoption and her cpr doesn't have anything worrying in it, they need to place out of county.  Again delays there though as she is having a new SW - WHY do they change SW at such important times?
Other than that there are more littlies due to come through our LA in the New Year and we are just going to wait until the right one comes along, if it takes a year then so be it, it has to be right.

Ot x


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## Losing my grip

Hi Guys - Not sure if I am on right thread but hello to you fellow second timers!
A quick update is that out D.S. came home in August 2010 and is now almost 18months old.
We were aware that at the time of matching panel birth mum was expecting which I was quite excited about.
He was born end August so there is only 13month gap. I expect it will be a couple of months before he moves in if all goes ok?
Anyhow me & DH have had an agonising few months of whether we were able to cope with number 2 so soon but have finally decided to bite the bullet and are seeing our SW tomorrow to discuss.
Would like to hear of any of you who have gone through this and any advice/support you can offer.
Thanks x


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## Boggy

Hello

I adopted my 2 exactly a year apart and there is 16 months between them.  Cookie was 16 months old when she came home and Dino was 13 months. 

It's been/is very hard work having 2 little ones, espcially so close together but I have no regrets. It means a great deal to us that they will grow up with their sibling.  

Cookie found it very hard, and started biting Dino the week he came home and hasn't stopped since (now 19 months!), but I'd say they have a normal sibling relationship.    

Feel free to ask anything else you'd like to know  

Bx


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## keemjay

we adopted siblings close together..littlie was 19  months at placement and her babybro was a month old and had gone straight into foster care..we started the process to adopt him 4 months after littlie had come home and he actually arrived 8 months after she was placed..aged 9 months. we might have had him a little sooner but we specifially asked for it not to be rushed... for littlies sake, we wanted her fully settled..we knew where he was (at some lovely foster carers) and were having monthly contact with him..so we were very comfortable with that

having 2 IS hard work..2 in nappies/2 lots of carseat straps/double pushchairs (need a phil and teds double pushchair..just about to sell mine?!)thats the physically draining bit..but it was hard emotionally too..the first couple of months after babybro came home were knackering and felt like everything we just got back on balance after littlies arrival was shaken up and tipped over again..but it settled down. littlie luckily loved her babybro and didnt display too much jealousy..tho she did spend a great deal of time waving toys RIGHT in his face lol
they are now coming up 5 and 3  1/2 and it is easier..they get along really well and only the usual sibling tiffs..its great having birth siblings..they share so much of their life story (not all admittedly) so nice to be able they both came out of X's tummy..its the same people for contact letters aswell..its all quite 'neat' in a way..

i guess the sw will want to check out your support networks again and want to know how you will both cope and support each other..at our 2nd vsist after babybro our sw was a bit worried (she told us later) as she thought we were really niggly with eachother and stressed and she'd never seen us like that as we were such a rock solid couple  

best of luck!

kj x

oh and ps see if you will get an adoption allowance as you are adopting another so soon and will need another set of everything cot/carseats/highchairs/double pushchair


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## Losing my grip

Hi Guys - thanks for your advice, I am sure I will be calling on you for help in the coming months! 

Keemjay - Yes I am scouring the market for a double buggy. Not sure what to go for so please tell me how you have found yours and how much you want for it.
Someone also mentioned the Out and About Nipper 360. Not sure how this compares?
Yes I do also plan to ask them for some financial support, we got £250 with bambino number 1, which is standard but now I am not working then they could maybe help out a bit I hope?!!

Thanks Again, LMG


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## keemjay

i love (d  ) my phil and teds..its a sport model, navy blue..am looking for £225 for it..have checked ebay and seems like roundabout the right price..it has the paniers, single and double raincovers and i think at least 1 spare inner tube..its been well used and seen a lot of dirt but is in pretty good shape i think
pm me if you want more details/pics etc..

kj x


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## Losing my grip

Hi KJ,

Thanks for your reply. I am sure the Phil and Ted's double prams are tandem style and I think I prefer the idea of side by side (unless you know why this not a good idea).

Good luck with the sale.

LMG x


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## Moppit

Dear All


I've posted on the post placement thread so apologies if you read the below for a second time but thought this might also be a good place to post for advice.




Hello All!


I havent posted on here for a while as life has been a whirlwind since Moppit arrived. Everything is going really well and we really cannot imagine life without him. After a few initial shakes from me at the beginning which I posted about I am now besotted with my little boy and cannot imagine why I ever wondered if I would fall in love with him! Being a Mummy is everything I ever dreamed it would be and we are all very happy.


We have known for some time that Poppit's birth mother was pregnant, infact the social workers told us 5 minutes before we went into panel for Poppit - not great timing in terms of shock! We didnt hear anything for a while and were then told in early February that she had given birth to a little boy who was taken straight into care. She has moved away from London to the North of England so it is a different Local Authority. We were originally told that it is Poppit's half brother and that the child was mixed race Asian. Since then we have been told that this was a mistake (!?!) and the child is in fact mixed race afro/carribean although they still seem unclear as the bm won't say who the father is and is claiming it is her current bf's child which it can't be due to race.


No decision has been made on an adoption order but we have been told that it seems likely that the case will move in this direction and soon. 


We have said that we want to be kept informed and would like to be considered for the child if adoption is decided but it is very difficult to get information as its a different LA and we know nothing about the child and are likely to know nothing about the birth father unless bm changes her mind.


I swing from being delighted that this has happened from the perspective of building our family to being scared and confused and wanted to turn to all of you for advice. Obviously we don't know yet whether the child will be put up for adoption but we feel we need to be ready to make a decision if they are which means we need to really think things through now. The things we are worried about are:


1. Is it too soon to place another child? We have only had Poppit for 5 months and everything has gone so well that we would hate to ruin that by bringing another child into our family too soon.


2.Poppit is white and number 2 is mixed race so we are worried about whether this might cause problems for both children in the future  in terms of number 2 feeling very different to both us and Poppit and perhaps causing resentment between them and whether we need to be thinking through whether placing the children together is the right option - has anyone else adopted a mixed race child after adopting a white child? 


3. We are likely to know nothing about number 2's birth father which seems scary bearing in mind one of our original criteria for adoption the first time round was to know as much as possible about both parents even if what we knew was negative. The unknown seems more frightening.


4. If we don't go ahead with adopting number 2 (assuming we are given the opportunity) would it cause resentment in Poppit in the future with him blaming us because we caused him to miss out on the opportunity to grow up with his half sibling especially if we later went on to adopt a non sibling?


Its all so difficult and I am very confused about what we should do if it happens. I know it may be too early to even think about this but our social worker has told us to think it all through now so that if and when the time comes we are ready.


One question I have for everyone is whether or not if we were to decline this child we would be considered for another sibling if bm was to become pregnant again. She has already had several children and is young so there is every chance that there could be more siblings in the future. I wonder if we say no to this child because we decide the timing just isnt right that we would be discounted in the future for futher siblings and even for adoption in general.


In many ways I wish this had not happened now as I would love to just enjoy life for the moment and relish the fact that we have Poppit but we always wanted more than one child so maybe it is fate.


I hope that some of you may have had similar experiences of deciding whether to move forward with a sibling and perhaps of adopting a mixed race child after adopting a white child. I hope I have not offended anyone with what I have written. Our concerns do not derive from any racism but just some very genuine and heart felt concerns about what might be best for both Poppit who has to be our main priority and his half sibling.


Thanks for listening.


Moppit x


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## sassle

Morning all

I just wondered if anyone could tell me how thw process differs for a 2nd sibling?  We have just applied to adopt again and presume the process will involve our little boy alot more and maybe be a bit shorter, that is probably wishful thinking!  Feel excited and scared at the same time, seems more of a leap of faith the 2nd time as don't want to change the progress our 4 year old has made but think now is the best time.  

Any thoughts gratefully received!!!

Sassle x


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## doodles4

Is there a part 2 to this thread, would love to join


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## Arrows

Lets start one Doodles!


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## Ozzycat

Oooo ill be following this post we can apply again for number 2 in November x


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## cokes

We go to panel 24th January for number 2, would be lovely to read more stories.


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## watakerfuffle

Currently going through the process for number 3 and third time we have been through the process! Panel in March


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## kizzi79

I am restarting the process for number 2 at easter (it was halted back in the summer after the nursery my lil boy was attending raised some concerns about his behaviour - not a problem they had told me about or that we had seen at home - grrrr ...). Lil man is now at school and doing well so hoping things will be simpler this time round.
Good luck for panel.
Looking forward to hearing the stories of others back on the bandwagon...
Love Kiz  x


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