# Very early questions



## miss sd (Apr 24, 2015)

Hi everyone.  I'm at early stage of considering adoption as I've literally just had a failed IVF attempt.  Adoption is always something we have said we would love to consider and although my head is not in the right space at this minute , I just wanted to ask a few questions to see if people would think we would be eligible. 

I have a history of anxiety and have been on medication for this for a few years along with a few sessions of counselling - would thus stop us getting approved ?

I am overweight is BMI JUST OVER 35 - is this taken into account ? 

We both work full time although I would take a year adoption leave and would drop to four days - would this be an issue ?

Do family criminal records come into it ? A close family member has spent time in prison about twenty years ago for something minor - do they delve this deep or is it just whether we have criminal records ? We both don't of course !

On the plus side we have been in a relationship for 16 years, we both have good jobs with accountancy firms with good incomes , we have a three bedroom semi that we own and we have a strong network of grandparents around us.  

Do you think based on the above we would have any issues ?

Also if we wanted a child under two what would the waiting list be like ? How long does it take to get approved ?

Sorry lots of questions.  Any help much appreciated xx


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## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi

I didn't want to read and run but I am at a very similar stage to you, after 5 years ttc, 11 treatments including 2 IUI's and 3 IVF's we are also considering adoption and also our last IVf cycles failed yesterday.  

Though please do not take anything as fact, I did undertake one of my student social work placements in an adoption team and can assure you a criminal record of a relative many years ago for something minor would not be relevant.  It also sounds like you have a lot of very promising qualities as a couple and I wouldn't see any reason at this stage to have concerns that you wouldn't proceed to the assessment stage from the information you've given.  

Keep me updated on how you're getting on and so sorry to hear about your failed cycle, it's a very difficult time xxx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi ladies,

I'm so sorry your cycles didn't work :-( the first thing an adoption agency or council will do is ask you to give yourself some time to grieve. That said, we had IVF in the May, an early loss in July but was allowed to start the process in August as long as they 100% felt we was committed to adoption. 

First thing to do would be to see what open evenings are available and decide which agency or local council seems the best for you. Going to an informal open evening gives you a chance to show your commitment and ask questions informally with no pressure to continue.

The process itself is relatively short in my opinion, we went to an open evening in August, started the process September, approved February with our son moving in May at 11 month which is an example of a very fast process. There are others here who have been waiting a lot lot longer for their forever family. 

You should be fine with close family member as long as not a child offence, key is being open an honest. Tell them this and don't hide as if they find it out themselves it's much worse than coming from you.

Working full time is also fine, I believe they now have in place new rules to say you're allowed time off for adoption appointments for one adopter and as long as they can see you can work reduced hours after adoption leave wouldn't be a problem.

I haven't got a medical background myself so I couldn't comment on your previous medical history but my assumption would be as long as they can see its something you learnt to deal with and wouldn't be an issue with parenting I don't see why would be a problem?! 

It's not that scary at all, they welcome people from all backgrounds and if one agency says no it might be because they haven't any children they could place with you so see what other agencies are around.

Good luck with everything  xx


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Miss SD,
Firstly, so sorry to hear about your recent failed IVF. 
Something my social worker said to me at my initial visit, which stuck with me, is "we just want normal people" and than means those who work, those who have blemishes, everyone who has a history that may not be perfect.

I have been treat for anxiety in the past, and still do struggle some days but I don't take medication. I was completely honest about it from day 1, it was never brought up as an issue as it was taken that it was something I have under control by using my own coping mechanisms. 

My BMI is higher than yours. Although this wasn't ignored, it wasn't an actual problem for us in the process but I did worry about it stopping our approval and did manage to shift some before we got yo approval panel which was looked on favourably.

Depending on the nature of the criminal record I would doubt it would cause a problem from so long ago. We discovered during the adoption process that a very very close family member had a criminal record which was okay picked up as he had yo have a DBS for us before we could be approved. It caused all manner of problems for us in house but the social workers weren't too bothered as it was historic and unblemished since (and was actually a crime that no longer exists) 

Me and hubby are both full time workers, provided you can demonstrate that you can give a child the time needed to settle and ensure you have a happy balance.

Sounds like you have a really good strong relationship and that will be the most important factor above all of the others, they will look at what you can offer a child in terms of love, stability and happiness.

We applied to adopt Sept 2013, and were approved July 2014 (quite a long time in terms of new timescales) and we got our princess (15 months at the time) in March 2015. 

We found entering the process a relief to finally be doing something whereby the outcome is much more likely we would become parents. If our social worker doesn't think you will be approved its her job to know in advance and not get that far down the road.

As with everything adoption there is no set way of doing things, so everything I have written is quite specific to me and my story. The best thing you could do is contact a couple of agencies and attend some information sessions and find out what they are looking for as what one agency acceptable another might not.

Adoption has changed our world no end, and I am so grateful for this little person who was destined to be mine. I'm pleased all other avenues closed for us because if I had the chance I wouldn't swap my little monkey for anything, I love her more than I thought possible.

Wishing you lots of luck, feel free to PM if you have any other questions X


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## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Nicola and LittlePoppy

Thank you so much for your replies, it has filled me with hope during these trying times.  I have a more challenging medical history which I sure will be examined but hopefully seem as okay, especially as my consultants are willing to write a reference  I'm pleased to hear that you had positive experiences of adoption and that also the process wasn't as gruelling as I fear!! 

xxx


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

If I was completely honest, I would go as far as saying I enjoyed the process. I found it quite cathartic in places, and learning to come to terms with the situation I found myself in, I learnt a lot about myself and I really managed to feel positive about the outcome and felt I could start planning for a future that didn't seem so bleak 😕

I'm sure it isn't like this for everyone, but personally we went with a brilliant agency and our social worker was just a delight!


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