# Voluntary Adoption agencies



## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Hi,

What is the procedure if someone goes with a voluntary adoption agency instead of through local authority?  Are you assigned a social worker from the your local authority or do the voluntary adoption agencies work in a different way?  I'd like to know if someone has any experience of adoption through a voluntary agency.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We adopted through a voluntary agency. They have their own social workers and you will be assigned on of those, they will do your assessment and family finding. However it's LAs that 'hold' the children if you will, so when it comes to finding a child your SW will work closely with LA SWs. Hope that helps a little 😃


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

-x-Lolly-x- said:


> We adopted through a voluntary agency. They have their own social workers and you will be assigned on of those, they will do your assessment and family finding. However it's LAs that 'hold' the children if you will, so when it comes to finding a child your SW will work closely with LA SWs. Hope that helps a little &#128515;


Appreciate you replying. I'm 49 years old and will be 50 this year and would like to adopt a two or three year old. Do you think I would be too old? I would also consider a slightly older child but I'm undecided about whether to aim for adoption or embryo adoption. I thought a long time about it and spoken to some people about it but feel embarrassed about my age if someone asked me how old I am.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

I wouldn't be too embarrassed about your age. When we started our first adoption journey my husband and I felt like the babies of the group and I turn 40 next year! A lot of people come to adoption after many years of fertility treatment or waiting for the right relationships etc so most of us don't tend to be that young - some LA's might have a rule around age difference but just have a chat about that upfront so you don't waste time.

Once you know which LA's will see age as a problem and which won't you can decide on moving forward.

Good luck


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We were super young in adoption land when we started. Our agency said the average adopter on their books was 40. There are obviously variations either side of that figure. Just ring them and have a chat. Some do have limits, for example some may say you can be no more than 45 years older than a placed child. So in this instance you would be looking at a 5+ year old. But many don't have those criterias. As Tictoc said just have an honest duscussion with some agencies and see what they say


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

The reason I'd prefer to adopt a younger child is because I don't have any other children and not a lot of experience with older children.  I'm in a situation where my partner has grown up children and he isn't as keen as I am about having more children.  I'm stuck really because I don't know whether to go for embryo adoption or adoption.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Tricky one as your partner with be heavily involved in the adoption process and interviewed, medical, police checked etc so will need to be 100% on board. Also if he has grown up children the SW will want to talk with them too. Possibly their mother too. It was never a question for us to consider embryo adoption, to be honest it didn't cross my mind as I didn't have the need to carry a pregnancy and have the tiny baby stage. How ironic... (see my signature!) My views haven't changed though!! But if it's a possibility then explore it fully, talk to clinics and ask their statistics and care packages they offer. Also consider that if you went for embryo adoption and it sadly was to fail an adoption agency would require you to grieve for this and put fertility treatment fully behind you before proceeding. This is usually 6 months minimum and some ask for a year break. Also think in terms of finances, would you have any savings left after treatment? Agencies will look at finances. I of course hope that if you go forward with EA it is a great success, it's just a lot to consider!


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Hiya

I don't think your age will be a bar as such but sws will heavily examine your motives and your partner will need to be totally on board as adoption can be something of a challenge at times!


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

Actually my partner's ex-wife is a SW and I can tell you that before she became a SW, she caused an awful lot of upset in my life.  I couldn't believe it when I heard she'd become a SW.  I'm sure that she would not give me a good reference because we never got on and my partner has never involved himself in his children's upbringing which is also partly due to her being dominant and laying the law.  This was before she became a SW and is therefore not the type of person she became after becoming one.  She really affected my life and would threaten and bully me at times when I'd done nothing to her.  My self-esteem became low and I started getting really anxious which eventually led to unemployment.  I got on quite well with her children and we always had lots of good conversations.  However, they'd go home and her influence was always greater.  The reason I wanted to go through a Voluntary Adoption agency is because I didn't want to have to deal with her.  It's a shame because I've always liked the idea of adopting a child.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

You can go to neighbouring LAs, it doesn't have to be the one you live in necessarily. My ex fiancé was never contacted as we hadn't been married or had children. Your partners ex would probably have to give him a character reference from my understanding and how his relationship had been with the children. It does sound like it could get a bit messy, however SWs are used to exes not being the best of friends and don't expect it to be all sweetness and light...


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

We're not married either.  It's the ex-wife that is problem and I think she would cause some trouble.  My partner hasn't really been involved with his children that much and that isn't going to help.  That is what's putting me off and I'm worried that I would have to do this alone.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm sorry if I sound negative but the fact that your partner has biological children that he hasn't been too involved with will really go against you. As you can imagine they will question why he wants to adopt when he didn't fight for his bio children - I am sure it's not as simple as that but you need to think how it will be portrayed.

Do you live together? If so I don't believe you can adopt on your own whilst living with a partner.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

I thought the same but I wondered if his ex-wife would be the SW involved.  It's difficult to think about leaving and doing this on my own but perhaps I could find my own place to live.  Would it matter if I was still in a relationship?


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I don't think DHs ex would be allowed to be involved in a SW capacity due to conflict of interest or whatever they call it... If you were to proceed I would think that it would be a sticking point that you had a partner in the fact they would need to be assessed as they would obviously be involved in the child's life. If they didn't wish to be involved but still wished to be your partner I would imagine they would see that as quite rejecting towards a child. I think you either have to adopt as a couple or as a single adopter, but single as in without a partner.


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## adviceplease (Feb 7, 2009)

I've spoken to my partner and he says he would be willing to be involved.  However, it's the ex-wife that could have an influence in making things difficult for him.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

There's nothing really you can do about that, other than trying to contact her and have a meaningful discussion about your plans. But seems a bit early for all that anyway. I think you just need to approach some agencies, Kay everything on the table, hear what they have to say and go from there.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

What Lolly said.  

Best of luck!


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