# Why can't I give up?



## Sienna77 (Jan 6, 2011)

I'm completely & utterly broken. In the past 3 years, I've had 6 full IVF stim cycles, plus 3 frozen cycles. Chinese herbs, acupuncture, flew to Adelaide for a day for a uterine flush, endo surgery, 4 uterine scratches, countless NKC drugs, given up everything that basically tastes good & lost weight. And that doesn't include the 3+ years doing all the same to have our precious miracle, DD. 

Yet I still don't feel ready to give up. Why can't I just accept I won't have another baby? I feel so much guilt for my DH & DD, feel it's my fault I can't give them what they both want. 
We agreed no more IVF but to do nothing is what I can't handle..


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

I think the desire to have kids is built into us, to make sure the human species continues... I know that maybe sounds odd, but I have experienced the same feelings. I have a DS and have been busy with investigations and fertility treatment for a few years now. This has included a MMC that affected me physically and emotionally so I couldn't be 100% there for DS for a while. I too have found it impossible to let go despite this. So I don't think it's unusual. 

Can you speak to a counsellor or someone about this? I did, which is how I've ended up going through treatment, as realised it was the right next step for us. We both felt like we'd regret it more if we didn't have the treatment.

Good luck   I hope you find the right path for you.


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## Sienna77 (Jan 6, 2011)

Thank you, I saw a counsellor but I didn't feel it helped, as I felt it went round in circles. So hard to know what's right. Good luck with your cycle


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## Hope87 (Jul 26, 2016)

I too dont feel ready to give up even though secondary infertility has took so much of my life for the past 8 years. Something in me is determined to have another child (shame my body doesnt agree!!). Have considered counselling sessions in the past but ive never had the courage to even tell friends and family about my fertility problems x


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

I ended up seeing a psychologist who is trained in CBT - although it's still talking, it works differently to a counsellor. Perhaps there is someone else out there who can help you?

Hope87 - I def found talking helped. It's a big burden to carry alone


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## Hope87 (Jul 26, 2016)

VicksterM - how did you go about finding a psychologist do you think my doctor would give a referral? I know i should really speak to someone these 8 years TTC have taken their toll and i now suffer with anxiety as a result   my best friend just announced her baby news last week and its hit me like a ton of bricks! Im due to start my first IVF cycle at the end of this year but mentally i am so unprepared x


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Hi Hope - I just went on Google in my local area and found someone who was accredited. Hope you find something that helps you


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Sienna77- infertility is a physical and emotional battle, but a good warrior always wins and never gives up. 
Hope87- I wish you all the best with the outcome of your cycle xx


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## Sienna77 (Jan 6, 2011)

Thx ladies. Madly we are thinking of doing 1 more stim cycle. I just can't give up. I feel it's now or never with my age. Then maybe, just maybe I'll have some closure. Altho I'm not sure how when my DD asks questions. I feel I've let her down.


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

You definitely haven't let her down if it doesn't work. There are ways you are able to be with her and time you have to spend that you won't have if it works. My son has been an only child up to age 6 and we both give him so much time, love and attention, as we haven't had a sibling to split our attention. We make sure to invite people over so he has plenty of chance to interact with others of different ages and have been able to travel more than I think we would have with a baby. I'm sure you will make the most of whichever situation you end up in - good luck with it all


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