# I need your advice



## Support10 (Sep 13, 2010)

Two years ago I went to see my GP as me and my husband had been trying for a baby for 3 years. When I went to see a specialist but I had highest grade precancerous cells on my cervix so my treatment could not start. After a full year of treatment, I finally started on Clomid. I know my health is more important than fertility treatment but I just felt so disheartened. However after 12 months of failed attempts on Clomid, I am about to start IUI and then progress on IVF. 

I know I am not the only person going through this treatment but I feel so down about it all. All my friends and family are pregnant or are having kids so no one knows what I am going through. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I cannot do something so natural than have a baby. I also don't want people to feel uncomfortable talking to me about their new families. 

I am also in a job that I really don't enjoy and stresses me out so much but I know I cannot look for a new job because they are a really good company and will give me time off for treatment. If I start a new job I know that I will not have the flexibility when I need to receive treatment and will have the added pressure of making excuses to take time off. 

I have never felt so trapped in my own life. I have seen the councillor that is provided along with the treatment but I did not find it helpful at all. My husband keeps telling me that it will all be worth it and I know he is right but on the other hand I am scared if it does not work. 

As I said, I know I am not going through this alone and I hope that these feelings are normal so can anyone tell me how they have handled this whole situation? I try speaking to my husband and he is supportive but I know that we are in this situation because of me. Any suggestions would be a great help, thanks for your support.


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## Daizymay (May 13, 2010)

OMG Support10! I know exactly what you are saying - totally normal feelings!!! I've been TTC 6yrs, in the fertility system for 3yrs, just failed 2 cycles of IUI - the only reason for our unexplained infertility I can establish is cos I'm knocking on and have a low AMH level so few eggs, probably of poor quality. At times I feel desperately alone, useless, angry, frustrated and terribly sad. Nothing anyone can do or say can help. But then something is said or I read a postive story on FF and I begin to come out of it. I feel trapped too...I refer to it more as being in limbo - waiting for that final outcome! Tx is restrictive with it's dates/timings - but you can still find time to relax with DH and get away from it all on weekends. Very few people know we're going through tx - no family know. It's hard to support/be supported by DH as he's going through it too. I've had one session with a councellor, who helped alot. She suggested that to enable people to support us, we should consider sharing with 'significant others'. Just talking through with DH who we'd consider telling has helped and although we haven't shared yet - just knowing that we've both agreed that we're happy to share has relieved some pressure. Give your councellor another go - or if you really feel she's no good - find another one! Rest assured, no one on FF will feel uncomfortable talking with you. I've found my work really impossible at times when I'm stressed with tx or low cos of tx failing. Luckily I have a great manager who supports me. In my previous job (before tx started) I was stressed to high heaven and i knew it wasn't good for my health /  helping me with conception...so I just quit! DH didn't speak to me for a week or so, but in time he realised what a negative impact it was having on me and we survived....best thing I ever did. Is it the job or is it the really the tx that is causing the stress? Other coping strats I've found that help: write a diary to yourself; keep a record of all your contacts (visits and calls)with clinic/discussions & outcomes; spend time together doing creative things; keep to the 20:80 rule ie don't spend more than 20% of your time thinking about fertility issues; keep posting on FF; be proactive in your management - read up and question question question; allocate time to relax for yourself - i do accupuncture and am thinking of doing a bit of reflexology too.
On a final note - my mate had tx for precancerous cells and was told she only had a 50% chance of concieving. At the time she was devastated, but that was short lived as a month on she concieved. 9mth after DS was born, she conceived her DD!
All the best for now Support10
Daizymay


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## Pixanne (Aug 13, 2009)

Hi Support 10

What you're feeling is totally normal. I have finally just started our first cycle of IVF and it seems like it's still a taboo that people don't talk about. If I talk to friends about TTC they usually reply by telling me how easily they fell pregnant! Not ecxactly helpful! Or by telling me to 'relax'. If I cut their arm off and told them to forget about it and it'll just grow back they might see how impossible that is.

But your DH is right; it will be worth it but it is a rollercoaster ride and you need to be strong enough and positive enough to undertake it. Most importantly, you have to do what is right for you and if you hate your job then that is just going to bring you down. Is there any way you can take six months out and not work or do finances stop that being an option? Could you transfer to a different role that you might enjoy more? 

We have told our families and close friends what we're doing and to be honest, they've been fabulous. My work don't know, but I have booked time off after embryo transfer (fingers crossed we get that far) to just go and chill out to help the little one hopefully get comfy in there. I'd suggest you pick a few  close people to tell - you'll need their support and it takes pressure off of your DH. 

Really wish you all the best and remember, every journey must have a beginning. It might be rocky to start with, but the horizon will be worth it.


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## Support10 (Sep 13, 2010)

Thank you all for your nice words and advice. 

Good luck to you all


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