# Getting back on the IVF saddle again. Or do something else?



## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

So I've not been on the forum for quite a few months but I've been up since 3am so clearly have something on my mind and thought this would be as good a time as any to come back.

So we've had 2 successful isci treatments but both ended in miscarriage one early one at 3 month scan.

We took the summer off to have some fun and not think about it but then a close family member got cancer and work has been hell. To be honest I don't really feel like I've had too much fun and still thinking about it.

I wanted to start talking about treatment again but we've recently found out we can't get any more funding so we'd have to pay for the next treatment. I'm scared about the cost. I'm guessing it's 10-15k but actually I don't know. I do like the clinic we went to before so I'd want to go back there I think. But starting IVF again in some ways fills me with dread. So many rules, so many injections, and still a chance it might not work.

I thought it would be a good idea to think about doing a healthy lifestyle program first as it's cheaper but also as we are "unexplained" if there's any chance we could fall naturally that would be great. I was recommended someone who I spoke to before doing IVF. She's not cheap and you have meetings every week for 12 weeks but if it gets us any closer, it must be worth a shot. Has anyone heard of her?

http://www.fbab.co.uk/team/rakhee-shah/

I find the whole thing hard to talk to my husband about and it's just proved the point by him waking up seeing I'm awake and telling me you have to just "stop worrying" he believes you are in control of your emotions and can switch them off. He did give me a hug but I find a lot of my anxiety about it all is with what his reactions will be. Trying to do something as simple as booking in an apt can be so hard to do he runs an opticians a 1.5hr commute so can't just leave early or always have every Saturday off which some people find hard to deal with. He gets very frustrated with me booking up his days off but there's no other way is there?


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

Hi Jengles !

Glad to hear from you...not sure that's the right thing to say on a fertility forum though. 
I think your idea of starting to try more on the natural route is great. Being unexplained and falling pregnant twice are actually good signs, that means that there isn't a mechanical reason why you didn't get pregnant such as blocked tubes or a very low amh or a uterine issue, etc and your body knows what to do. 
I researched a lot about couples conceiving naturally after failed ivf's and you'll be surprised to know the percentage is not small at all with best results for the unexplained category. Can't remember clear figures right now but I think around 30% of couples will get pregnant naturally in the first ?2 years from a failed cycle. Look it up. I think 30% is a lot considering most clinics will have a 30-40% success rate per ivf cycle.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, ivf or not.

Hope this will work, is just an article but is talking about the same thing https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/28/one-in-three-women-will-have-children-naturally-after-ivf-failur/amp/


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## aissha (Nov 3, 2009)

Hi Jengles,

I saw this post and thought it might be useful for you
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=381402.0

I have found with my DH, once he has had the discussion once, then he thinks it is done and he doesn't see/feel the need to go through it again, where I really do.  
I think you still have many options open to you. A friend went through several pgs cycles and had multiple miscarriages (plus natural miscarriages) and decided to go down the adoption route (foster to adopt) and are nearly there and hopefully will have their family within the next year  
Maybe trying to discuss adoption would be a way in to your DH to see where he is at.

I would say that his participation can be fairly minimal in the cycles. Our clinic just wanted to see him at the start - to confirm I wasn't just a crazy lady who was telling them lies that we both wanted to continue  and then for his "donation"...

Also you have options abroad, but then that would for sure be more involved than staying local. I know there are often further investigations covered on nhs if you are considered to have "multiple miscarriages" although I don't know what is considered multiple 

have you considered counselling? either for you or both of you? I found it helped (I went on my own) just to sort through things in my head, so when we did talk, I was more clear on my feelings and what I wanted.

Sorry this message is a bit all over the place  
best of luck with deciding what your next steps will be.


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## Franny80 (Apr 10, 2016)

Hi Jengles,

I think my history might offer some of what you are talking about.  After three cycles of IVF (one fresh and two frozen), like you our funding had run out and we were about to embark on likely a really expensive round of private IVF. We started by having a couple of consultations with different clinics, which was confusing as they all suggested different reasons for it not working, but eye opening in the fact everyone had a different answer. One suggested immunes, one suggested egg quality, one suggested bad luck (NICE guidelines say on average it takes three fresh cycles to get pregnant whereas we'd actually only done one fresh). As far as I knew I had PCOS and suspected blocked tubes due to adhesions they found during a laparoscopy (so bad they didn't bother to do the dye test to check the tubes). 

Instead of starting again on another grueling round of IVF, we went with a consultant who wanted to basically start from the beginning again. We didn't rely on the presumption of blocked tubes and actually tested them, and it turned out they were open. We then looked at actually treating my PCOS instead of overriding it with IVF drugs, so I saw a nutritionist and went on Metformin (I am slim but still seem to have an issue with blood sugar). With the help of scans to tell me when I was ovulating it worked - twice - although I unfortunately miscarried the first. I think a more natural, low drug approach suited my body better and gave me better eggs. It was also cheaper, and less demanding on me emotionally and physically. I would say getting a second opinion was invaluable - I wish I had got one when the NHS told me my tubes were blocked. Maybe it is a case of more investigation? The more information you can have the better. I think sometimes the medical profession treat IVF as a fix-all solution but it's not always the short cut it promises to be.


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