# The importance of peer support/cyber support in fertility treatment.



## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

This might be a general point rather than a specific abroadies issue, but I have come into contact with many other women in daily life who have trouble conceiving or have suffered loss and who are effectively alone with their experiences. There are of course other organisations and websites that can provide support for various things but personally, none quite hit the spot and allow you to explore issues that may otherwise not be discussed in openly , say a one to one counselling session. I have therefore been recommending to others FF as an excellent source of support and information on a range of fertility and pregnancy issues, as for me and I think many others, it hits the spot completely, and allows a range of advice, information and interactive discussion of some difficult and challenging issues.

Thinking about it further, and my own history specifically, I doubt that I would never have persevered with the treatment for so long, and in effectively adverse circumstances ( ie no sign of anything ever working) if it were not for this website, and the invaluable support of all the wonderful women contributors and posters. Essentially what I am saying is that this site is largely responsible in supporting me to ride out the many rough times and eventually enabling me to fulfil my dream of a having a child. I could not have achieved this on my own as I would , frankly, have given up years ago, and would probably not have seriously contemplated going abroad as it is , lets face it, still quite a daunting step to take. I did a few years ago try and persuade a former school friend in similar circumstances of the benefits of seeking a donor abroad, however her husband was completely resistant to the concept as it seemed ' weird' to him, and prevented her from investigating further. Now I am due to have a child and she is full of regret for not having tried. I doubt whether she ever got around to looking at FF.

Once I became pregnant and this pregnancy looked increasingly viable, I was very grateful for the continued support and information from women who had been down a similar road. I have since been to NCT classes and met other pregnant women, however the specific issues around fertility , TTC for a very long time, seeking donors at home and abroad, make us a little different, not better nor worse, just adding a different dimension to the situation with specific support needs. Most women's experiences start when they have a positive pg test, for us it may start years before. It is not easy for those who have not travelled this road to perhaps understand the added level of anxiety, lack of confidence, and perhaps fear that may permuate the experience of being pregnant.

**Soppy moment warning ahead* *

I therefore want to say a big thank you to the founders and moderators of this site,and to the users who keep it going and who provide so much information and support to those in need. I hope one day, when I have had my baby and nights are once again reserved for blissful sleep, to be able to support women like us who are considering going down the same route, and of course to continue to give and receive support from fellow donor abroadies as we raise our children.

roze xxxx


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## coconutkym (Dec 9, 2006)

i dont have many friends and none with infertility.

i have found out such alot from FF about my problems and possible treatment. without FF i might not have had the courage to go to spain for tx, and i would have been in the dark about my immune issues.

yo go FF 

coconut kym


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

well put roze ... i couldnt agree with you more .... i doubt i would have a baby today if i hadnt stumbled across ff late one night ....


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## earthe kitt (May 7, 2005)

Neither would I ................

Jo


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## Penelope Positive (Sep 12, 2005)

Roze,

How wonderful for you to take the time to post this and put down your feelings so eloquently.

Although we are yet to achieve our dream I too would not have even considered donor eggs after finding I had none left myself if it had not been for this amazing site and the wonderful people that support us here.

As you say many people are lucky enough, and often take it completely for granted, to achieve pregnancy and go on to have healthy babies without having to suffer the journey we all go through with infertility. No matter what people's personal circumstances there are answers, support, information and most importantly tons of love in this forum and I couldnt agree more with your post.

FF and the magnificently brave people here have without a doubt given me and my DH the courage to continue to work for our dream. Yes its hard, yes there are times when we want to give up but there is always an inspirational story, a hug, a post that hits the spot dead centre and a shoulder to cry on when things dont go our way and I truly beleive that one day - thanks completely to FF - we will have our much longed for baby.

God bless you FF and everyone who supports it and the members.

We love you guys
Pen
xxxx


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## Jinty (May 6, 2006)

Roze, what a lovely post and like I'm sure most of the people on here I feel exactly the same. I was lucky that I discovered FF quite early on my journey and I don't know how I'd have coped with the ups and downs we've had so far without it.
One thing that's really important for me is that I think it's really helped preserve my relationship with my DH. While going through TX it does consume my life in a way that try as he might it doesn't for him (first time maybe but by the third time..) and my worries and fears which are often quite over the top will never be judged on here. Consequently me and DH can keep a releatively normal conversation going as all my mad ramblings have had an outlet.
It's not that he doesn't want to help or understand but I don't think you can have the same level of paranoia when it's not your body, every twinge, change of medication, phonecall from the clinic sets off a train of thought. 
Therefore this site is a way of letting it all out without turning into a total nutter in real life.
Thanks to everyone involved and particularly all those who give up their precious time to make this work. It really is a sanity saver
Jxx


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## SashaM (Oct 9, 2006)

What lovely posts.    I just don’t know where I would be without FF.  When having IVF I told family and a few friends, but now I am on the DE route have not told anyone.  Goodness only knows how I would have copied if FF was around – not only for the fantastic source of information, but also for the support available from the lovely ladies on this site.    I find myself thinking at the weekends of the friends that I have met through this site (albeit virtually!), worrying about their scans, pregnancy tests, morning sickness, etc, etc.    I try to not log on to FF until lunch time, but sometimes just can’t wait to log on to see how everyone is!!

As Roze said, we do have different issues to other women and it’s quite easy to feel alone and overwhelmed.  I have some great friends and I know when I feel the time is right to tell them about my DE journey, they will be very supportive – but the only people who can truly understand what I’ve been through are the ladies here on this site.    You all make this so much more bearable!  Thank you!!

S
xx


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## Ms Minerva (Mar 7, 2005)

What lovely posts!

I don't have many close friends, being a bit of an introvert, and I always feel "awkward" discussing our fertility problems with what I call "fertiles"! 

It is only those who have experienced fertility problems that can ever truly understand what it is like.

I really do count the wonderful women on here as my close friends who have seen me through some really rough times, including the recent death of my Dad.

So I would like to say "thank you" to everyone that makes FF so fab.









Jules
xxx


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