# frustrated newbie



## jih (Sep 26, 2004)

Hi there,
Have finally worked out how to communicate with you guys! It's very tricky (or am I just brain dead?) trying to work out how to post your first message, I almost gave up (the help facility is/was not working). I'm also an oldish newbie (just 3 Partner (is that DH?? no idea of the abbreviations you use!) is 40 & has primary testicular failure due to a prob with undescended testes. Big shock for him to find that out at this stage in life. I have low ovarian reserve. Been attending the local NHS clinic since March this year & just completed our first failed IVF cycle with donor sperm (negative result on Friday) Had 5 eggs, 2 fertilized & were put back, but didn't take for some reason. I'm appalled at the lack of support & aftercare (zero 'we'll with an appt in a few wks') is this usual? I feel I just want to know why it didn't work (even if they don't know) & whether we can try again. 3 questions for you: Are other over 35s getting any funding for IVF? Is care any better in the private sector? & if so can anyone recommend  a clinic in Yorkshire? 

Yours hopefully,
JIH


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## badcat (Sep 7, 2004)

Hiya jih

I can confirm that you're braindead as it took me ages to figure out haw to use the site, but I can assure you that it's worth the effort.  I still have problems with some of the abbreviations and didnt have a clue what DH was either, still tyring to figure out where all the lovely picture are that some member use, but will get there.  I am sorry to hear your news about Friday, I am sure that you will get plenty of support from the members of this site.


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi there Jih,
Welcome to FF.  Don't worry it takes a while to get used to all the facilities and the abbreviations.  (DH is dear husband, DP Dear Partner by the way).

I'm really sorry to hear about your negative result.  I know how it feels.   

I'm about the same age as you - 37, going on 38.  I also did a failed IVF.  To be honest I didn't get alot of feedback straight away, but I called them to say that I wanted to do treatment again and they said to have another 'normal' period after the first one and come back for a review meeting.

When I did go for my review/start again appointment I didn't get much more info than I had before I went on the two week wait.  I think that once they get to embryo transfer it really is down to natural processes and these have their own chances of success (1 in 4 I believe) and there's not much explanation to be done if you get to this point.  However they do say that they are learning about you with each treatment cycle.  

Try to feel positive about the fact that you got as far as you did, at that point it really is down to mother nature unless you have repeated failures in which case they should start to ask questions.  Your clinic should ideally offer you counselling though, and give you an appointment to review your treatment, though I would counsel you to wait a few weeks to get over the disappointment of your recent bad news before you go and ask for this.

In answer to your funding question, I am self funding as I am over 35 but being treated through the NHS - so I think that my private treatment is costing a bit less than a fully private patient at the same clinic (the extras such as blood tests, scans and counselling are all done at my NHS hospital). this is an issue for me as I am tied to the hospital and private clinic for now as I think it is costing me less than if I 'go it alone' and choose a different private clinic.  
Up to the age of 40 my NHS trust funds the drugs only. (for 3 goes).  Another reason I'm sticking with my NHS hospital/private clinic combo.
However I do think they're all lovely and I wouldn't move until I've had a few treatments and feel I need a new approach entirely.

Sorry can't recommend a clinic in Yorks as I'm daaaahn saaaaaooouth!  

Good luck. If you have a look on the chitterchatters inbetweenies board you'll find lots of people in similar situations..

love, 
Claire xxx


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## Just Jess (Sep 23, 2004)

JIH, you're not braindead at all, well, not until you've down-regulated when you'll have seive-brain syndrome .

I'm sorry to hear of your plight. Funding is a postcode lottery, as is finding the right clinic, though there is a Clinic Listing off the Home Page.

On the Home page, if you scroll down, you'll find a "Meetings in Your Area" section with 3 sub-pages of;

Fertility Friends Events
Meeting Places
Support Groups.

In fact, under Meeting Places, there's a thread (conversation) of 8 pages (click link below) about Anyone in Yorkshire and I'm sure if you carry on scrolling through the list, you'll probably find one or two more.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,6056.0.html

You can also click on the Search button at the top and type Yorkshire (or the general area you come from or your clinic) and it will search all the threads to find a post with that name in it. The chances are the author is also from your area. This is a great way to find people who are not only going through it, but are potentially just a stone's throw away (as I discovered today), and are pobably as bananas as you and me. 

As for all the jargon, there's a page for that called Infertility Jargon - off the home page, though they forgot EC = Egg Collection. You then select either Medical or Web Infertiltiy. I've put a link in for the Web Infertility. You'll be surprised how quickly you pick it up.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/index.php?option=displaypage&Itemid=78&op=page&SubMenu=

Wishing you all the best

Jess


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## chick66 (Nov 18, 2003)

Hi JIH
Welcome to the site.
I am sorry to hear about your recent neg and the lack of aftercare, I must say that after my 2 IUI cycles were abandonned, the nursing staff were quite quick to brush me of but the consultant hasd perservered with me over the last year.
You will find this site a wonderful help to you I am sure.
C


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hiya

warm welcome to fertility friends

I am sorry to hear about ur BFN (Big fat negative)

I hope that u will have success with future cycles, and cant wait until u r able to post that bfp (big fat positive)

You certainly are not braindead, i sat and looked at abbreviations when i first joined imagining what they meant and u wouldnt believe how wrong i was with some of them  

There is a section on the home page i think its third one down titled "infertility Jargon" which will give most abbreviations u will need to help u out.

When i saw BMS i was baffled couldnt work it out.... it was Baby making sex   

See i have been here for almost a year and still learning lol

Lots of love and luck

ps i am not from yorkshire well i am but dont live there now lol, my parents do though, i understand theres good units at sheffield and leeds.  

Hope to see u around the site

Until u are starting treatment again (tx = treatment) why not hop over and join us over at the In between treatment thread, there is a section called chitter chatters, where the ladies gather who are awaiting to start treatment.

best wishes
Emilyxx


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## jih (Sep 26, 2004)

Thanks for all the replies and welcomes, I am slowly navigating my way around the site & the tips on abbreviations, and where to go are very helpful. I can't believe there are so many of us out there, & so many messages. keep up the good work

Jayne


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