# Documentary with Alex from One Show



## Jengles

Sorry if anyone else has posted this but I have just found out there's a bbc documentary being filmed about fertility struggle not sure when it's out but will be interesting I think.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3542116/I-haven-t-started-trying-earnest-Alex-Jones-admits-s-unsure-ll-problems-conceiving-claims-unaware-age-impact-fertility.html

/links


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## waikiki

I heard Alex Jones interviewed about this on Chris Evans' show this morning - it's on tonight: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07wshm4.

/links


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## Cloudy

I wish the BBC would have let me present this because she got pregnant in about 3 months naturally whilst doing this filming  

Shame they hadn't used someone like Suzi Perry who has been through the journey herself.

Xxx


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## K jade

I agree. its good that she's interested in the matter but I really would prefer someone with experience making a show like this.

I must admit I was really surprised that she did get preg if what she said is true about her mum having early menopause. 
she really is very very lucky. 
I wish that there were more women on these boards who had that kind of luck I have to be honest!


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## loudlikelove

Cloudy said:


> I wish the BBC would have let me present this because she got pregnant in about 3 months naturally whilst doing this filming
> 
> Shame they hadn't used someone like Suzi Perry who has been through the journey herself.
> 
> Xxx


She probably sat on the 'right chair' during breaks!!


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## Cloudy

loudlikelove said:


> She probably sat on the 'right chair' during breaks!!


Well, at least no one can say "it happened when she stopped thinking about it" 

Xxx


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## Furry

Just watching it now, to be honest it's a TV programme for infertility novices, it's not telling me anything I don't know, there's far more information and knowledgeable people on here!


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## magicpillow

I'm not going to watch it as it's too close to home and I'm sure the focus yet again will be on the woman's age.  I get so upset that things like male infertility are never addressed in the media which means the public are really ill informed about the reasons people need ivf.  It's always because the 'woman has left it too late'.  You never see anything about a man with a zero sperm diagnosis going for a TESE operation for example.  They also never mention the younger women who might be having ivf due to male factor, blocked tubes, endo etc.  Really makes me mad!  

Off the soap box!


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## magicpillow

I bet Furry.  That's why I couldn't face watching it.


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## Jengles

Ooh sounds very annoying but I will have to watch it now so I can whinge about it properly


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## Furry

You're right magic, not one mention of PESA, TESA and what genetic conditions affect male fertility and I'd really love to know what clinic in central London only charges £5000? Perhaps I've done too many cycles at ARGC! I do think Alex perhaps got her AMH/fertility tests done on the quiet before the show, I don't buy it for one minute that we sat in on her first consultation getting her results..


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## Jengles

Has any seen Romeo Romeo? it's an American documentary and I think that's a true reflection of what people go through


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## Pognut

Wow. She ended it by playing her pregnancy announcement. Just... Wow. My partner's just said that you wouldn't end a programme on cancer by brightly saying that you had had tests and were fine! 

And as usual it was mainly about people having babies later in life (50 year old using ED). Just plays into all the stereotypes. I didn't really want to watch her being told her AMH was 14 (?) at 39 when mine was undetectable at 34. Had an enjoyable shout at the tv, though.


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## Furry

Yes Pognut, it was very "I'm all right jack".


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## K jade

Her amh was 14!!!!at 39
Er...mine was 11at 28
Right so she wasn't menopausal after all
Oh what a daft cow. Right  move on, next time leave this kind of thing to the experts


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## mandymoo12

Discussed this with my dad and brother yesterday who both thought the show was great.. I was the opposite and said it was actually rather insensitive. They didn't get it. But they wouldn't.. My dad is a 79 year old man whose wife (my mum) just sneezed and got pregnant and my brother who is a 45 year old single male who fancies Alex Jones grrrr......


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## Wishings15

Turned it off 15 minutes in. What a waste of memory on my sky box


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## Hopefulshell

I watched this program as I was curious to see how IVF and IF would be talked about. The show's focus on some of the new advances in ART were interesting but I was annoyed when all the sperm samples were of course wonderfully healthy!! I agree about the 50 year old woman with the donor eggs. It would have had far more resonance if they'd chosen a young woman or couple. As has been said, it just perpetuates the myth that women are to blame for simply leaving it too late! If I'd been watching the program without having gone through tx I'd have looked at Alex Jones at 39 and thought hey, I've got nothing to worry about as I'm the same age it'll happen for me (I've got pcos so had an AMH of 64 when I was first tested at 36!!) 

I thought the bit about Alex's husband potentially having problems because he was a chef years ago was a bit farcical ... Clutching at straws that they might have problems to conceive just because of that?! I had hoped they would interview a few more couples or singles going through tx. Alex glossed over the emotional side of IF completely and seemed to infer that as long as your partner doesn't work in a hot environment you'll be fine!! 

There are lots of famous women who've struggled with IF and had IVF such as Julia Bradbury and Anthea Turner - the latter I recently saw an interview with who had to walk away from tx without a take-home baby. A presenter who 'gets it' I'm sure would have approached the show differently and been more believable. I think it was wrong to end the show with Alex's pregnancy news. Made a bit of a mockery of the supposed argument that women who leave it late will struggle to conceive. 

I found myself talking to the TV and getting angry at the fact that these types of programs always 1) seem to blame the woman for leaving it too late; and 2) never focus on the emotional and psychological affects of undergoing endless tx. I also thought it was a shame that the program was aired so late like its a topic that can only be discussed after the watershed   Alex might just as well have ended the program saying relax and it'll happen (quicker if your husband isn't a chef)!! 

X


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## mandymoo12

Great analysis Hopefulshell.

It should definitely have been shown earlier in the evening. Obviously for most of us we knew most of what they showed because we have all been there and got the t shirt. In all seriousness the premise of the programme was right because there really isn't enough on infertility. I just think the tone of it was all wrong.

x


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## K jade

So basically the whole show was about fertile people then.not infertility at all.


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## Talkingfrog

I watched  it  out of curiosity,  but sceptical as to how they would approach it.  I think it could have  been done worse,  but they missed the opportunity  to  explain properly about the roller coster  of  ivf  and the variety  of reasons  why it is needed.  They didn't  mention,  all the investigations people have or  other  treatments  like iui either. 

There was very little on the male factor side of things.  It also seemed a bit unbalanced for the only interview  with someone  who has  had treatment  to be someone do was over 40 and went straight to donor egg githout having tried her own ( not being  critical  of the last herself) but only reflecting the left  it too late angle. 

At least  they did  give some average  sucess  rates so people  don't  assume  it will always work, but cost  was a bit off for mamy.  

It could  have  been  worse  but could  have been better.


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## dee_30

I've just watched this program as well after hearing everyone talking about it. I agree with u ladies it's very one sided and it did come across that it was the woman's fault for leaving it so long. Clearly Alex didn't learn very much while making the documentary and the research was quite poor. I also thought it was very distasteful that it was added in at the end that she was pregnant and almost appeared smug about it. As someone who has to go down the IVF route and endure endless friends telling me their happy news I felt that this could have been dealt with a little more sympathy.


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## K jade

If people feel very strongly about this then I think it's worth sending an email or letter to points of view [email protected] 
I just think it's so sad that someone had an opportunity to get infertility into the public domain, yet decided their findings and conclusion would be 'relax it'll happen on its own'. Highly distressing to individuals like myself for whom that door is firmly shut. 
Also there's no way it should have been aired with such poor research. Basically Alex underlying message seems to be infertility doesn't exist. She could have explored POF, deliberating endometriosis, Azoo, complex immune issues, turner syndrome. Where was the couple who had to walk away after 10+ rounds of ivf and had adopted, and were now parenting children who live with the effects of their birth mothers heavy drinking and drug taking during pregnancy? Alex probably still thinks adoption is about fuzzy wuzzy babies like it was in the 60s.
Can u imagine the backlash if this was about autism , dementia, HIV. 
I'll definitely be writing in. Infertility is real. Big time and people need to stop burying their heads in the sand 
Rant over  

/links


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## Bluebell82

I've just watched it, and agree with the 'it could have been worse, it could have been better' view. I didn't see any major errors, rather omissions. there was this jump from age impact on fertility to IVF technology. I don't like Zita West with her have more sex and destress angle, but for some busy people over  35 that advice may actually work (just not for me ).

Documentary seems a bit patchy, and I agree the script writing could have been done better or the title picked more carefully, as age related infertility and other issues that are not linked to age at all are mangled together without giving it the correct balance. Music is also a bit cheerful at the start and end, and the journey of real couple is not shown: trying for months up to two years, dealing with the monthly disappointments, investigation including delays, coming to term with a diagnosis or the lack of it, the feelings accompanied by it all and the strain on the relationship and friendships when other people get pregnant, the (helpful and unhelpful) reactions of their surroundings, moving onto medical treatment, how the treatment is like (they only show screens with eggs and embryos), how it feels to fail and pick yourself up and go again (or not, this is more common than one thinks). How it feels to start considering Treatments like surrogacy, egg donation, adoption etc.

But I think it's hard to put this all into just one short documentary, so I mainly feel the title is misleading and the coverage patchy rather than this documentary being a major disaster. I rather have this aired than the topic being taboo. I do like the fact they show couples with multiple failed cycles rather than one that has twins on their first go, they do mention success rates (mostly young women only, which doesn't make a lot of sense in the context of age related infertility) and some pricing, the post code lottery and that even perfect embryos don't make babies, as implantation can be a problem. Also that she says she feels naive at the end that she and her friends thought they 'could just do IVF in old age'. I think there are some myth busters in there.


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## magicpillow

K jade your post could have been me writing - I completely agree with every word you said!  It did nothing to educate people as to the real causes of infertility and that it's not just a case of us not relaxing or being overweight etc etc.  I really think they missed something there to address male infertility which is meant to account for 40% - 50% of cases and actually most women I've met who are going through ivf are actually quite young.  People don't realise that and think it's all older women - something this documentary fed into.  I'd love to have seen them show a man going for a TESE operation or any other medical diagnosis for that matter.  Once again, all about the woman putting it off until it's too late.  I told someone at my uni recently about the male factor accounting for 40% and she was genuinely shocked as this sort of thing is never reported in the media.  The emotional side wasn't explored either - feeling socially isolated from peers, life being on hold, grief, emotional rollercoaster etc. Grrrr.


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## magicpillow

...and I will definitely be writing in too!


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## K jade

magic I completely agree, most conditions causing infertility  are present from birth, and many have no symptoms other than loss of fertility.  
and if you look at these boards the majority of women started trying in their 20s and early 30s. 

I just feel sorry for the people who are going to feel sucked into a false sense of reassurment  by watching that documentary and then find out they have a condition they have never even heard about 
I mean had I heard about non- obstructive-azoo before ? course not 

I have also written in, 
far too many people still believe IF is the curse of the witches in the woods.  
xx


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## nevertoolate

Hi
I agree with the previous comments. The pregnancy announcement felt a bit smug.
Also mentioning the emotional side why are there assumptions that with an older woman, they left it too late deliberately?. That is not a true reflection.


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## magicpillow

Yes that is so true.  The assumption that we left it too late because we just wanted to have fun or focus on our careers.  I didn't meet my partner until I was 35 and we started trying fairly promptly.  As it happens we have azoospermia so nothing to do with my age.  Now I'm 40 I'm sure people think it's not happened for us because of my age and that programme doesn't help matters!


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## nevertoolate

The ladies on here have been a life line for me on my journey. But I have been really struck at just how judgemental in my life of how some of other women have been in regards to age and getting pregnant from both some friends and the medical profession. I think this program could have done a lot of good in educating the public that some ladies are trying to get pregnant in their forties and fifties for a whole host of different reasons and not because the put work first etc.


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## Angel_Delight

I agree with all of you.  I didn't meet my DH until 37, at the time I was being tested for early menapause.  I didn't  leave it too late because of my work , I just didn't meet the right person and was unfortunate.


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## magicpillow

Absolutely Angel.  I'd love to have met my partner in my early 30s but I just didn't have the luck.  Spent years doing internet dating before I finally met him!


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## magicpillow

dreamingofBFP said:


> The ladies on here have been a life line for me on my journey. But I have been really struck at just how judgemental in my life of how some of other women have been in regards to age and getting pregnant from both some friends and the medical profession. I think this program could have done a lot of good in educating the public that some ladies are trying to get pregnant in their forties and fifties for a whole host of different reasons and not because the put work first etc.


Yes I completely agree with you dreamingofBFP. They really did miss an opportunity to educate people on some hard facts. I've connected with quite a few ladies on social media who are going through the long journey of infertility and IVF and I'm the oldest by a mile. I've actually struggled to find anyone near to my age which really shows that it isn't all about age! Most of these ladies are late 20s and early 30s and it's because of male factor, endo, tube issues or just unexplained. Grrr...


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## nevertoolate

hi
I friend of mine who knows about my journey but not about me using a donor said she thought it was not right/ odd that women would start a family over the age of 44 and to her in your fifties was a no go. I was very angry especially since she shared that her doctor said she had uxplained infertility at 39. She went on to have her second child but I think she could have a bit more compassion of all people.


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## Cloudy

If anyone wanted to complain to the BBC about this show you can do so at the BBC website, and your complaint can be logged anonymously:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/complaints/complain-online/

Xxx

/links


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## deblovescats

I totally agree with everyone on this thread. I always hoped I'd meet a special man and have a family with him when I was younger, but it never happened. Delaying having children was definitely not due to putting work first. I decided finally if I wanted a family I'd have to do it on my own and then maybe one day I might meet someone. I had my 1st child through DD at 47, and am currently 36 w + 4 days pregnant with no 2 (from same cycle) and will be 49 when I give birth again. It's so frustrating reading negative views on older mums - we can offer a lot! 
Deb


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## goldbunny

the thing about delaying having children is that the media portray it as

...not thinking about it...years...not thinking about it...years...complacently assuming have total control...years..being 39.5 and panicking.


they never talk about the reality

babydancing..
assume must be pregnant, it has to have worked (this time)
be reassured by partner that it must have worked
two weeks later (during which, raging pmt)
agonising period, spend a week feeling ill
too upset to talk to anyone
then it's time to try again and it has to be going to work this time
babydancing....

repeat for 10, 15 years.. (occasionally missing a month, one person was ill, or drunk, or away, or you'd had a row...or there were other family events in the way)...
so you essentially spend about seven years actually believing you are pregnant, just in two week bursts..
and the longer it doesnt work the more you believe this time it will, or, that it never will and you cant ask for help.. since when do you make the appointment? you wont make one while you believe you are pregnant...and you won't while you're bleeding... and then it's time to try again anyway..

many many older mums/wannabe mums never waited. they never put it off, didnt put careers first or spend their lives partying it up. they just kept trying and failing.


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## nevertoolate

I honestly say now I don't have to deal with society, the more ladies who have babies in their forties and fifties the more mainstream it will become. This casual bias would not be accepted with any other situation. I feel extremely blessed to be pregnant and not a day goes by that I take it for granted and the women on this forum who are still trying are my heros especially for the support and care we show each other. I wish that could be reflected in these programs.


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## IloveWesties

Only just found this thread - so glad I wasn't alone in my thoughts when I watched this programme!

I knew about it in advance and was really looking forward to it as I expected her to do a good job. She's very good friends with Chris Evans and his wife and they've been open about going through IVF for their second child so I kind of expected that she would do a good job. I also had a feeling that she may be experiencing "issues" and perhaps going through IVF - obviously now know that I was wrong.

I was really disappointed, especially with the ending.

Pognut - I liked your DH's analogy about a programme on cancer x

Furry - I agree about the pricing - would love to know where she got those figures from / which clinic she had got costs from! x


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