# USA Adoption



## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Hi People, I can't seem to get a straight answer on this from anyone (even the US consulate!). Does anyone know if UK citizens can adopt a baby from the USA? 
Many thanks, Jen


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

The honest answer is I don't know but I do have a "pen friend" in the USA who we put in contact with when a baby we were looking after was returned to her BPS..a long story!

The lady I keep in contact did concurrency as she told me adoption in the USA is very hard to do and was approached about doing concurrency and that is what she did & has 4 beautiful children now via concurrency.

So although I don't know form what my friend has told me, it shard for people in the USA to adopt then its going to be even harder for UK citizens to adopt a baby form the USA.

Is there any reason you want to adopt from the USA??

Hope this message has helped you a little bit!

Andrea
x


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Thanks for your message. I'm only starting out on this whole infertility journey & I'm afraid that I don't know what 'concurrency' means? 
In the US a lot of newborn babies are given up for adoption- mothers do this rather than aborting them like here in the UK due to religious/moral reasons. Prospective parents can meet the birth mother & the baby is given to them 72hrs after birth- not like here where they are pushed from pillar to post for months/years.
I am trying to decide whether to give IVF a go or go straight to adoption. To be honest my hubby & I don't feel that a child with severe behavioural problems, learning difficulties is for us- I know that may sound harsh but people who have their own biological kids don't sit & wish that they will have to deal with those issues, so I don't feel guilty for being up front about it.
It's just that we went on an adoption open night &, although the SW were lovely, they painted a really bleak picture for us that most of the children available would be emotionally/physically damaged & that most adoptions were open nowadays so we may have to deal with birth parents with big issues of their own- it scared the poo out of me & we almost discounted domestic adoption straight away! Reading this forum, it seems like perhaps we were given the worst case scenario. A lot of you guys seem to have adopted lovely kids from the UK. I'm from Northern Ireland- maybe the availability of children varies from region to region? 
It's just that the idea of getting a wee new born baby from a parent who has chosen to give him/her up to give them the chance of a better life sounds totally amazing, so you can see why I'm interested.
Also, are there any guys on this forum who decided to skip IVF entirely & go straight to adoption- am I unusal in considering this?
Thanks again, Jen


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Jen

Concurrency is all to do with stopping babies and young children beng pushed form pillar to post.

Basically you are approved as foster/adoption carers, your approved as both.

the idea of the scheme is to foster the baby whilst SW try to rehabilitate the BPS and help them to care for their child, sorry I can't think of another way to word it.  At the moment there is a lady on these boards who is doing concurrency, she may get in touch with you and explain it better.

The baby we looked after was 3 months old and after 7 months she was returned to her BPS as they were now capable of looking after her.

The lady who is doing concurrency has got a very young baby and people who were doing concurrency at the same time as we were had young babies, 5 days old was the youngest.

Look concurrency up on the website and have a read, it's not for ever one and it takes a strong person to do it, it may not be what you want to consider but it is one way of adopting a young baby.

Don't let your first step into the adoption world make you feel as though you don't want to do it.  Lots of SS paint a blank picture and tell you that there are no babies to adopt and all children have problems.

Yes some children do have problems and thats when you ask yourself if you could deal with it & I think that the fact you have been honest on here and said you couldn't deal with certain things makes you a strong person.

There are babies who need adopting, they might not be days old but a lot of us on here have adopted babies under 1 year of age.

Try ringing a few more SS and go a long to their open nights.

Going back to adoption in the USA, what you are talking about does happen BUT there are so many people who are hoping they will be the chosen ones and you have to pay, its not cheap, I'd try and find out more information about it all first and would honestly say adopt through your local SS rather than going abroad.

i wish you lots of luck with what ever decision you make, its not an easy one to make but its the best one we've ever made & we've never looked back.

Good luck
Love
Andrea
xx


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Many thanks for your reply. Concurrency sounds like it could be really rewarding but also sounds like it could be really sad too if you had to give the baby up after a while- I don't know if I could be that strong but thank goodness there are wonderful people like you who do feel able to pursue this option.
Being able to adopt a baby under 1 year old would be amazing too- I think I need to quiz local social workers about domestic & intercountry adoption again.
It's sooo hard to know what to do. The wierd thing is that before I had my diagnosis (premature menopause at 30- crap!) I was interested in intercountry adoption but now I feel really confused about it all. My hubby is asking if it is important to me to carry a baby & to be truthful I don't know?? IVF & adoption both have pros & cons. However, I think that if right now someone put a wee baby or toddler in my arms I would just love them right away, you know?
I had my diagnosis in Feb 07 & SW here won't really start any processes adoption-wise until 1 yr afterwards. I can see why tho- I'm still a bit all over the place. I'm trying to come off my anti-depressants (which in hindsight I think I was on for menopause mood swings) which is tough but I was worried SW would see them as a bad thing- trying to keep all my options open!
Anyway, thanks again & thanks for listening to my confused ranting!
Jen xo


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
I am in touch with a lady in the US who has been approved to adopt and is now waiting to be chosen.  Overall the assessment was quicker than ours is but it did cost close to £30k, it didn't sound as friendly as our hs was though.  

I don't know how easy it would be to adopt from there as they want you to get to know the birth mum and stay in touch, it is a lot more open than it used to be.

Unfortunately only you can decide whether to go down the ivf route or not.  My brother-in-law and his wife didn't but then they had watched us go through 8 attempts and a missed miscarriage, if we had been lucky with ivf they may have done things differently.  A couple on our prep course didn't do ivf either due to expense.

Social Services do have to give you the worst case senarios and it can be pretty daunting but you won't end up with a child that you can't cope with.  You have a list of 'acceptable' issues to go through on the home study and though its hard saying 'no' to an issue you have to be honest and only go with what you can cope with.

Good luck with your decisions and the future.
Love
OT x


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## she-hulk (Sep 21, 2006)

Hi Weejen

I don't know the answer to your question I'm afraid but I did read only this week in the Evening Standard that David Milliband and his wife had adopted a baby from the States quite recently.  The article implied that his dual citizenship had allowed him to do this.  He's in his early 40s and his wife is 46 - they got a 6 or 7 month old baby if memory serves me well.

Good luck and all the best.

She
xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Jen

Yes it does take a strong person to do concurrency and I didn't think for one moment our baby would go back, a bit naive really.

The normal time scale for people to wait after failed treatment is between 6 - 12 months, this gives you time to come to terms with not being able to have your own biological child.

I think what your DH was asking you is:- whats more important, being pg and having a baby or having a family and being complete, no matter how that may come about.  Is it more important to be pg or a Mummy?

I would ring around a bit more and keep asking questions, your only young and stand a good enough chance as any body else of adopting a young baby - a child under 18 months of age.

I'm not sure if we do have any one form ireland who has adopted on these boards but if they have I'm sure they will reply we are quite a good bunch of people on here who try to help those we can with our knowledge and friendship.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

i'm from Dublin but have lived in england for nealry 9 year! married to and englishman too (6 years and my dad is just getting over the shock!)......only joking! The only drawback for adopting in the UK was that it took slightly longer to get the CRB checks done.

We also went straight from being told we needed iCSI to adoption. It was always something we were going to do, but thought we'd have one biologially first. We umm-ed and aw-ed for a bit then my MIL offered to pay for the ICSI. She wasn't at all against adoption but she just didn't want finances to be the reason we didn't go for it. Anyway it made our decision for us.....we would adopt instead. Here we are a few years down the line with a nearly-4 year old boy who is amazing and makes me laugh everyday, and about to apply for no. 2.

I don't know much about adoption in the US, but given how complicated a process it is here, and to do overseas adoption from here I suspect it could be quite a nitemare. One thing i do remember hearing about adoption in the US is how expensive it is becasue you go through a private agency.

this websie might be helpful: http://www.dfes.gov.uk/intercountryadoption

good luck with what ever you decide,

xxruthie

/links


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Jen

My best friend's brother is a UK citizen who with his french wife lives and works in the US.  They have both been approved as adopters.  From what I can gather from their experiences the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents for her baby.  They have been waiting over a year to be chosen and have been told that they would have a better chance of a baby if they were prepared to foster a sibling group with a view to adoption, ie what we call concurrency in this country.  They are going down that route.  We were going to do concurrency but was lucky enough to find our daughter before we went down that route.  We were told that the chances of a child being returned were roughly 20% so it is a risk that you have to be strong enough to take.

As Andrea says, there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and what you feel you can deal with, however my belief is that intercountry adoption is very expensive way to get to experience those first six months of a baby's life.  

Good luck with your decision.

Cindy


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Hi,

We decided against IVF too. 

On the subject of UK adoption - social workers do paint a bleak picture because for the most part it is true. The children who are 'looked after' in this country are for the most part children who have been removed from their BP care for a variety of reasons. There are also a lot less babies than there are older kids available for adoption. 

However - there are babies. There are also babies whose birth family history you may find you can deal with post course days and home study. I remember our pre home study course two years ago. I remember hoping inside that some woman was going to come out at the end of it and give us a perfect little baby. After the course and certainly during the home study I was more concerned with us being a family rather than the child being a young baby. In fact I just wanted a child who was younger than our five year marriage!!! Next week we meet our beautiful perfect 17month old son for the first time. I feel unbelievably blessed and overwhelmed that he will be ours and we will be his.

All I am trying to say is don't discount UK adoption just yet. Keep researching and reading and keep an open mind. By hook or by crook you will have a family!

PS sent you some bubbles...

S xx


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Hi Wonderful Ladies, I'm sneaking onto the web in work, so apologies for the brevity of this reply. I just want to say thank you SO MUCH for your thought provoking & encouraging replies. I feel a wee bit teary (in a good way- a change for this year!!). Thank you all for taking time out of your day to help me in this scary (but exciting) decision making process. Had a good talk with Hubby at weekend & he says that he doesn't feel a strong urge to have a child who is biologically his (it wouldn't be mine biologically due to early menopause- would need donor egg for IVF), so basically the ball is in my court from his point of view. I swing madly from one option to the other but I am definitely going to call my local social services to discuss domestic & intercountry adoption ASAP. Thank you again- it's SOOO good to talk to people who understand. Must go before the boss comes back- argh!
J xo


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## billy69 (Nov 5, 2007)

Reply to Jen: in principle, countries allow their own children to be adopted from abroad only if there is no  chance for them to be adopted within the country (fair enough, I think). So countries that are not very poor nor with large amounts of abandoned children only allow adoption from abroad for older/particularly ill children. I would expect this to be the case of the USA, although I don't know for sure. On the Foreign Office website there is some information on intercountry adoption, with data from all countries, and I don't remember the USA to be even mentioned.

David Milliband's wife has double nationality, so that is an exceptional case.

One could move to the USA, become resident and then adopt like everybody else there, but it doesn't sound feasible/rational for 99.9% of us.

Good luck, regardless of how/where the child comes from...

B


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## sarah sez (Oct 24, 2007)

Hi Guys,

Have been on FF a little while but this is first post on this board. Am so pleased its here as can see others understand.

I too have not yet decided to go ahead with IVF or not. Do not know if could stand the dissapointment if it failed ( know this may sound negative) but I am no spring chicken! and all those injections / scans etc . I have already been through a lot with fertility treatment.

Jen - Not sure about the USA but I have done lots of research on adoption overseas and attended a consultation day in London. It generally takes longer to adopt from overseas but children may be younger. Although reading the posts on this have encouraged me not to rule out the UK yet. If your interested I have some useful contacts in relation to all different countries. 

Sarah xxxxxxxxxx


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Thanks Billy & Sarah. I'm still really undecided about everything but your support/advice means a lot.
Jen xoxox


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## billy69 (Nov 5, 2007)

Btw, with regard to the large amount of babies relinquished in the USA because of abortion impopularity there - does the following happen only to me?

I have always been pro-choice on abortion, but since the infertility and starting to look at adoption, I confess that the idea of 200,000 abortions per year in this country disturbs me. Maybe it's just a selfish, frustrated reaction - and something I can't hardly confess around since most of our friends are feminists (and so are we, I'd say). Anybody else feels the same? Any way to think about it more rationally?

B

[PS: with this I don't want to open a debate on pro-, against-abortion, it's not the right place. It's just about the feelings of infertile/prospective adopter people]


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## mis_max (Mar 26, 2007)

Hi all,

I live in southern Ireland so a different set of rules but I think the same principle would apply in the UK.

You can apply to be assessed for intercountry adoption, then you choose a country - most adoptions in Ireland are from abroad as there are only around 50 children a year adopted in this country and we can't adopt in the UK/Northern Ireland.

As far as I know it is the country you are adopting from that decide if they allow their children to go outside the country- most don't. Countries you could adopt from include china, vietnam, Thailand etc. I think in the USA it is only the state of Florida that allows foreign adoption.

So it is possible in one state but the down side is the cost and how complicated it is- we were told a USA adoption would cost a minimum of 20,000 sterling.

In relation to the other issues people have raised on this thread, Billy69- I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had moral dilemmas with myself about my views on abortion since we have known we were adopting, it's amazing how personal involvement can change your views isn't it?!

Weejen - We have also bypassed IVF/ICSI and moved straight into the adoption process, if we had treatment the child would only be biologically mine and we have a very small chance of success at that so for us , adoption is the right way to go


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

Billy- I now what you mean about the abortion thing. It may sound very un-PC but I said to my DH the other day that I'm not sure how I would feel if one of my friends told me they had done that. It's the one thing we long for & others are purposefully ending it- I definitely feel different about it having my infertility diagnosis. Don't want to make anyone feel bad but it's just my personal feelings- infertility has definitely focused/altered my feelings on the subject. I wish they could take a baby out of someone's tum who doesn't want it & put it into mine, you know?

Mismax- you are in a similar situation to us in that an IVF baby would only be related to one partner (my hubby in our case). It's interesting to hear about you going straight for adioption too. DH said he is swinging towards that route at the mo & he doesn't want me/us to have any more disappointments, especially when I'm pumped full of hormones too (my premature menopause mood swings are bad enough!). 

Thanks lovely ladies

J xo


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

mis_max said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I live in southern Ireland so a different set of rules but I think the same principle would apply in the UK.
> 
> ...


Hi just letting you know another member is trying to post you a personal message but your message box may be full.

Sorry to but in

Cheese xx


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