# others reactions



## wanttoflyaway (Feb 2, 2012)

Hiya... I just wondered how you have found peoples re actions to your infertility - we seem to have lost touch with so many people that can't see why we 'can't just get over it' or take us putting ourselves first as a complete personal act of bitterness & hate towards them - or if we were real friends we could just put it to one side! that works both ways though - right? I have never said I am not happy for people or not sent cards or congratulations wishes when they have produced. 

Surely attending 'baby showers' & maternity hospitals would just make a mockery of our pain and suffering? I feel I cannot win!!


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hey didn't want to read and run but know exactly how you feel. Once my infertility was diagnnosed everyone seemed ok and sensitive got a week or so then that was it it was like I'd never lost a baby and never got diagnosed with infertility. When I got diagnosed people in the family were becoming pregnant and I was always trying to be nice but it seemed at times some of them took it for granted and started talking pregnancy alot ext like they were rubbing my nose in it. I've lost a few people and thought at the end of the day if they can't understand my problems then that's no friend. Someone told me when you are diagnosed with infertility you sometimes need to be selfish but the people who font deserve to be pushed out just keep them close cause you never know when you need them. Fertility is so hard and even harder when no one understands I sometimes feel I have no one but my counsellor who's amazing. Don't push yourself into baby showers ext if your not ready to you need time away from things like that until you feel ok again. Good luck x


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

Hi,

I havent really told that many friends, I find it really hard because I want people to know and understand how I feel, but I also hate the feeling that people might feel sorry for me or pity me in some way - not sure what this is about. One of my closest friends has a two year old and is due to give birth to her second baby in April, I am finding this really hard, but have still been asking her how she is feeling etc. She hasnt asked me anything about how I am feeling about all this fertility stuff for well over a year, when I first told her we were struggling to conceive, about three years ago she said _"what the hells the matter then" _ and _"how bizarre", _ which really got to me! Now she says nothing, which is better than those comments, but it feels very cold and uncaring. Maybe she just feels awkward because she is about to have a baby, I don't know, but it's as if it isn't happening to us.


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Ladies

It is hard to decide who to tell, when and how isn't it!

I decided to tell my three best friends who were either new mums or pregnant as I didn't want them to think that I was being jealous of them for no real reason! 

I was glad I told them at the time but as time has gone on they seem to have forgotten about me, but really I think they just don't know what to say to me, its like depression, people don't know how to talk about it or what to say so they don't say anything, they really don't realise how much that hurts. When I do see them they avoid talking about it and try to keep their kiddies away from me, that is awkward, my other friends that don't know are always handing me their kids or the dummies or the changing bags to help them out, honestly I'm not sure what is worse!

The only other friend I have told doesn't have kids, I didn't intend to tell her but she has been having a really hard time in the last year and she has been unloading on me as she couldn't talk to the new mummies as she felt her problems weren't that important to them, I was having a really bad day and she called for some sympathy, I tried to play it down and be supportive to her but in the end just started crying and she has been a really great friend, she txts me or calls me to see how I am and asks what is happening and tries to wrap her head around it, so really there is no way to know who will be supportive and who will not we just have to play it by ear and hope for the best!

Pudding
x


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Like with any difficult situation people don't always know what to say or how to act and so they either ignore the issue completely or say something insensitive or rude.

We've grown apart from friends and see less of some people than we did but also friendships change, strengthen and weaken as you go through life anyway.  It stands to reason that you're not going to spend as much time with pregnant friends or those with babies as you no longer have as much in common, never mind the whole IF issue too.

Put yourselves first as no one else will and keep sending the birth cards but don't put yourselves through unnecessary pain or stress.

Big higs  

Dory
xxx


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