# Special Guardianship



## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi ladies

Just wanted to share what myself and DH are going through at the moment and also looking for a little bit of advice.

My Niece's child was taken into foster care aged 4 months and now 10 months later he is still there.  His social worker approached me and DH a couple of months ago to see if we would like to care long term for this child.  We immediately said yes.

In the beginning it was just to be his carer then the social worker said they wanted something more long term a couple he could call Mommy & Daddy.  Obviously we agreed.  Then before Xmas we were a little apprehensive and were considering backing out.

Anyway SW visited and kind of said it was 80% we would get him and to cut a long story short we're going to meet him on Friday (last time we saw him he was 5 weeks old).  The final court hearing is end of Feb and hopefully they will rule in our favour to have him under a special guardianship order.

My niece is saying things to my Mom that they are looking for an extension for 3 months to assess my niece for her toprove she can get a job, in stable accommodation etc etc and that we have to have psychological assessments done on myself and DH.  Is this right?  Can this happen?

The baby's w is saying we will get baby very soon and after final court hearing we see baby beginning of March (no other dates set after that) and we reckon we'll bring baby home then.

It's all starting to become real now, we have waited 11 years for this and I'm soooo scared it's going to fall to pieces.  Can ANYONE offer ANY advice however small it may be?

xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

what a difficult position you are in 
as adopters its hard enough just coping with our own side of things/emotions but you are in a very difficult place knowing both sides of the story..hearing what your niece that they are poss going to give her another chance sounds a bit worrying ..can your sw confirm or deny this? it must be doing your head in 
all i can say is nothing is certain yet and if your sw says theres an 80% chance that he will be yours then there is 20% chance it might go wrong so you need to just prepare yourself.the fact that you are meeting him shows that they must be fairly positive though..i would want more reassurance from the sw's about the facts of the situation..
it sounds very hard hun and you have my sympathies 
kj x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi hun, i would deffinately ask your sw about the chances of your niece getting this baby back. as far as i understand it is not uncommon for birth parents to tell everyone they are getting their children back even when this is not possible (i've even known them tell the children they are coming back to live with mummy) i think it is their way of coping and they are in serious denial 

hope this makes sense

pam xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hiya

Sometimes the court can decide that they will allow a birth parent a certain period of time to try and sort themselves out and prove they can do certain things. One thing is though that she wouldnt know this if it hasnt already gone to court ( which you say is happening soon to grant the order)
Saphy is also correct that lots of BP's say things like this and its not true 

I would have a chat to the sw before friday and clarify everything. It is better in the long run to know what is happening. I would also want to clarify that on a special guardianship that they would want the child to call you mummy and daddy etc as if this was the case I would want to know why the child wasn't up for adoption ( obviously without me knowing the full background it is difficult to offer advise  )

hope you get some answers and 

x


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi ladies thanks for your replies.

One of the reasons SW hasn't put child forward for adoption is the fact that we would need to be approved etc and it would take another 6 -8 months.  They want to place little one ASAP and with the SGO little one would call us Mommy & Daddy & also take our surname.

Everything seems OK but as you all say as do we it's not concrete until in our car brining little one home.

Whatever happens it has confirmed that we do want to be parents and sooner rather than later.  I'm 30 in a few months and have bee dreading it.  Now I find I'm wishing my life away to get to the end of Feb to find out.  Why does time always seem soooo much longer when you're waiting for something amazing to happen in your life?

Thanks again, fingers crossed


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

i do hope it all happens for you 

If they are planning on placing him with you and him taking your surname etc then I would still want to know why they arent asking for a freeing order for adoption. If you are saying that the sw says it will take another 6 months ish the child would only be about 20 months which in the scheme of things if he is already placed with you doesnt seem a time issue to me.

Sorry just wanting you to be fully informed  

 and I have my  for you 

xx


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

SW has said that sometimes the adoption panel dont approve when a child is placed and then go for adoption.  She said you have to be careful as panel could see you as pre empting what they will say.

So long as myself and DH have total control over the child and NO ONE can come and take child away then we're happy to wait longer to adopt.

We actually went to see little one on Friday but due to the bad weather roads were clsoed and we couldn't get through, we were very upset so the childs foster parent called me and we spent 1 1/2 hours talking about little one.  She told me EVERYTHING about little one likes, dislikes, character.  I have fallen in love already.  We have arranged to go this weekend provided no snow.

We expressed our concerns again to SW and she said everythign was in our favour and foster parent also said off the record she thinks it's 99.9999999999% going to happen for us.  As with everything nothing can be a definite.

Counting down the days now til the weekend..


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

a happy story - 

my dh could not be adopted and so had special guardianship from age 3.......(sorry we don't know why he wasn't adopted)....

he had annual contact with his birth family but both he and his brother (who was 6) call his 'special guardians' mum and dad - loves them as his parents - remembers going to court for them to become his special guardians, took on their surname etc etc 

they are his mum and dad even though he was never adopted - it can and does work out sometimes....



ritz.


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Ritzi

Thank you sooo much for your post, it's really nice for you to share that with me and has made me feel a lot more optimistic.

Thank you xx


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

PLEASE can anyone advise?

We met little one on Friday and it as amazing it all felt so natural and as if we'd known little one all it's life it was FAB !!!!

Phoned SW today to ask a few questions etc an she said they aren't going for SGO now nd are going for a court order so social services have full parental responsibility.  They will then place little one with us and have us assessed to adopt little one.  

I am stressing about this now as DH has taken tablets o 3 occasions throughout his life.  Once when he was 15 his parents divorced, in 2000 when he found out we couldn't have children nd then 2004 when we were waiting for tx he blamed himself even though its both of us.

We haven't disclosed this info with SW as a medical ha never came up and now I am petrified that this is going to stop us from having this little one.  Please can anyone advise what they think?  We obviously need to disclose this to little ones SW but I'm so scared it will be the end of all this.  I dunno ho I will cope if we don't get little one.

I am trying to stay positive about it all and focused on the end result being good but it's stressing me out.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i'm not sure what you mean by taking tablets..do you mean anti-d's for depression? if so then i wouldnt worry too much..half the people on this board have suffered with depression often to do with their infertility, and lots have taken anti-d's...


kj


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi Kj

I mean as in overdoses.  The one when he was 15 as pretty bad and the 2 after not too bad.  The last one in Jan 2004, he couldn't cope with the way I was down all the time over if and took some anti hystemines of mine.  He only took around 8 but it was still classed as an overdose and had to go to hospital.

Never did like rollercoasters (


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hmm i'd say that might be more of an issue..i'm guessing they are going to want to know quite a bit of detail about that..i've no idea if it would prevent things from going ahead i'm afraid..but its best to be open and honest with the sw's and hopefully you'll be able to work through it all...

kj x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
Iam afraid I have to agree with what KJ has said it may be more of an issue than "just" depression which many on here have suffered from. You really would have to be honest about the episodes and I think they would want to know alot of detail. How it would affect things I really don't know but I wish you lots of luck.
JD x


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## Hal (Feb 13, 2008)

A court is more likely to consider a SGO than adoption when a child is placed with a family member, especially if it is envisaged that there will be some on going contact, however low, between the child and the birth parent(s). I suggest you get yourself a solicitor so that you can be represented at the final hearing. The solicitor should be on the Children's Panel. If you have a reasonable income you will not be eligible for legal aid but try and instruct a solicitor who will do the work at legal aid rates. The Local Authority may even fund you getting some independent legal advice given that they want to place the child with you. Your solicitor will be able to advise what is in your interests.

Alternatively at the final hearing you could argue that the child is placed with you under an interim residence order while assessments for adoption/SGO are undertaken. I think this could be preferable to placement under a care order - but difficult to say without knowing all the circumstances. If the child is placed with you then it is much more difficult for future issues to prejudice a placement. An interim residence order would also entitle you to legal aid.

There are other options and you need independent legal advice - the social worker will not give you this.

H


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