# Coping with pregnancy news from friends



## Hedgepig (Oct 17, 2015)

Hello All,

Just wanted to have an outpouring and to see how you all cope when you have the inevitable news of friends falling pregnant. I have had a difficult week of finding out about three close friends falling pregnant within the space of 4 days.

Of course I am happy for them but I am also angry, jealous and feeling depressed by it all. I am a positive person normally and not usually jealous of anyone so these emotions are hard to deal with. I know it's natural and I can't fight the way I feel but it is making concentrating on work and my upcoming exam for my course difficult to deal with.

We have done one round of IVF (BFN) in March and are going to start on the next in September. I wanted  a break in between for my exam and to enjoy the summer.

Times like these make infertility incredibly hard, I just wish I had a crystal ball and knew that it would happen for us one day and that I just need to be patient. Patience is not one of my virtues!  

I wondered if anyone had tips for coping? I find travel, doing things that people who are pregnant/have children find difficult (due to time/money) helps and generally keeping busy but it is still very difficult.

Big hugs to everyone that has been through similar


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## Carrie88 (Aug 2, 2015)

Awww Hun I know exactly how you feel.

I have one friend whose due this Friday and a friend whose baby is 3 months old and we've had 3 BFN's.

First off it's completely natural and normal to feel how you feel. I think everyone who goes through fertility treatments think this of people who get pregnant and tbh I'm even starting to feel this way about people who have success first time with IVF which is horrible but i think well I am young, no problems why am I not having success? It makes me sound bitter but that's how I feel.

You will go in waves of dealing with things. The announcements are always the worst, I normally spend a day crying and moping. You've just got to protect yourself. I was in a joint ******** with my two friends and it was constant pregnancy talk so after our second failed transfer I left the group. I see them when I feel strong enough to see them, we go out for tea but sometimes they ask to meet up and I have to say no sorry I'm not in a good place. So if it's affecting your exams I would withdraw my contact with them for a bit.

After our failed transfer this week I've disabled my social media accounts like f book etc and whilst I feel lost without it and I feel like my worlds become very small I'm happier now I'm not seeing people's happy families on there.

I'm keeping myself busy too, we've got our wedding in September and then our honeymoon in January. I've also opted to take the counselling this time and looking at further tests to try and get an answer! 

Good luck for September! Be kind to yourself xxx


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## Franny80 (Apr 10, 2016)

Three pregnancy announcements in four days is really tough. No wonder you feel a bit overwhelmed.

I've had three negative IVF cycles too. Four of my best mates all announced their pregnancies during my first cycle and they have all now had their babies, but I'm still not pregnant. It's so sad and frustrating, and Carrie is right, do what you need to do to protect yourself. If that means turning down invitations to meet then so be it. I'm sure your friends will understand. 

I actually found that once they gave birth my relationships improved as I think it was the pregnancy (not the baby) I envied most. I haven't even thought so far as to picture myself with a baby. I just want two little lines on a pregnancy test.

In the meantime I found social media really hard to deal with people were just posting photos of their kids, and the occasional scan photo which is like a punch in the guts. It always made me feel really isolated, as it felt like everyone else had what I didn't.  So I came off ********, which really helped me  stop comparing my life to other people's. I also politely asked my friends to refrain from group ******** chats about pregnancy announcements. Not only do you have to deal with an announcement, but also the congratulatory texts from all your friends too! I used to feel like I was raining on everyone's happiness parade, but now I worry less about that. I think if you are open about why you are doing something people can't hate you for it. It's the misunderstandings that cause the problems.

This time before my next cycle I'm taking more of a break, which I think has been a good thing. It's counter intuitive because you kind of what to get on with it, but I think it has really helped me mentally as physically. 

Best of luck with your cycle in Sept.  I have my fingers and toes crossed for you all

x


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## Hedgepig (Oct 17, 2015)

Hi Carrie and Franny,

Thank you for your kind supportive words. Your right three announcements is a lot (fingers crossed that's it for a while!).

I will be kind to myself, hope you both will as well.

Your right Franny that the actual babies or children is fine, it's the announcements that are the hardest. 

I think I will take a bit of a break from social media, that definitely makes it worse. It will help me focus on my exam as well. Having to squirrel myself away for study is a good excuse at the moment. I can still see people but on my terms. My close friends pregnant or otherwise have been very supportive which is good. I also have friends who has been through IVF who are always good to talk to.

I am totally honest with people as it's the only way for people not to be offended. No one has as yet as far as I know.

For now snuggles with my cat will help (she is a total fur baby for us both!). 

I am sorry to hear your stories, I really do wish you both the best of luck and enjoy your wedding and honeymoon Carrie (we had ours last year - a truly wonderful day and break) you will love it.

A break will help you Franny, I couldn't face cycles too close together. Too much physically and emotionally.

Best wishes xx


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## Franny80 (Apr 10, 2016)

Once you break the habit of checking ******** every day you won't even miss it - I promise!

Doing stuff like your exams and moving forward in your job and getting married (congrats Carrie!) is really important - you're building your future so you have stuff to look forward to outside of and (fingers crossed) after having babies. 

x


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