# How do I support my daughter?



## nana (Mar 9, 2008)

Hi Everyone

I don't know whether I should be on this site!  I have a daughter who is desperately trying to get pregnant, and I am trying desperately to support her.  She sadly had a stillborn son 2 years ago at 36 weeks - a beautiful boy following IVF treatment.  She and her partner are due to start IVF again in May - she has damaged tubes. So many people we know have got young babies or are pregnant, and it is so hard for her.  We are very close as mother and daughter, but I feel that whenever she is sad about her fertility, it seems that I am the only one that hears her sadness.  I am trying to be brave and give her positive support, but I have started to get upset when I am on my own and am crying alot.  Sorry if I sound so sad - I'm quite a jolly person on the whole, but how do I help my girl?


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Welcome Nana to FF  

You just being there is probably more important to your daughter than anything else, i can imagine my mum feels exactly the same as you and when i was/am hurting she was/is too, so i understand your need to want to do more for your daughter, its a mothers instinct  

I dont know if your daughter has a support network or if she belongs to a support group/forum but do you think she would benefit from talking to people like us on here to help support her.

You are more than welcome to share your thoughts and feelings on here also and we will support you where we can.

Sending you huge hugs  

Mel
x


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## *Scooby* (Sep 16, 2006)

Nana

Welcome to FF    I hope that you find this site of such great support to both you and your daughter.

Am sorry to hear what your daughter has been through, that must have been really tough  

I am sure just being there for your daughter will be such a great support to her.

x x x x x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Welcome to ff  

As the others have said what a lovely mum you are  I am sure your daughter is so grateful to have your support 

I'm sure you will find lots of support and understanding here 

love
suzie x


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## Tandi (Mar 11, 2008)

Hello, 
I'm sure you're already doing practical things. But sometimes the old classics help - flowers, a present, a card. Treats basically. And I know I find it nice to be invited to things where I know there won't be pregnant women or young kids - it's literally a break from woes - so arranging afternoons out in baby-free environments can help. 
I've found some of the most helpful friends are people who've admited that they don't understand but promised to be there for me no matter what (sounds like you're already doing a lot of this too).
And don't feel bad about crying. Sometimes the only way you can help is to take on some of her pain, so if you're suffering too, it is because you are helping her in this way and not because you are failing in any way.
Hang in there. 
Tandi x


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.  I think you are a brilliant mum for wanting to help and support your daughter.

Emma
x x x x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Nanna  

Others have already given you some great advice, Sadly I know your not the first mum
here seeking support for her daughter I really wish her next treatment and pregnancy brings a child to the family 

Please mooch around the boards and see if your daughter will join us too 

Some links that may be of help to you both
Pregnancy loss CLICK HERE

Forget me not ~ A place for our members to remember their loved but lost babies. 
CLICK HERE
A rough guide to IVF

CLICK HERE

Check out the *Locations boards* for where your daughter lives & a site search for her *clinic* 

Wishing you both Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

_Hi Nana

Your post bought a tear to my eye, you are a very special Mum to post here with your daughter very much in mind.

Just being there for your daughter is the most precious thing she could ask for, as previous mentioned child free events are a very good 'reliever' of all things IF.

I'm so sorry for your daughters loss and of course yours (it must have been a very difficult time for you too) 

Maybe you could direct your daughter to this site and perhaps she could gain some much needed support from this 'community'...

Bev xx_


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## Nix76 (Aug 2, 2006)

What a lovely mum you must be  

I'm so sorry for what your daughter has already been through and hope that things get easier for her.........I;m sure your support already means the world to her!

Nix.


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## sanjo (Sep 8, 2006)

Hi Nana

Welome to Fertility Friends  

I Just felt I had to reply to your post and tell you what an amazing lady you are 

Hopefully you will be able to show your daughter this site and we can welcome her on here also.  There are lots of lovely people here that you can both talk to and get lots of advice and support.  

Love Sanjo xx


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## blikkie (Feb 24, 2008)

HI Nana
Gosh you are an amazing support to your daughter already!

Just a friendly warning, beware of course that there are those of us reading your message and thinking...
'I would just love to adopt you as my virtual mum whilst on this IVF journey!'    

Thank you for sharing the mum's perspective with us, sadly my mum does not live nearby and I really miss the kind of input I would like her to give me at this time. The fact that you are physically present to your daughter, can blog (how very cool) and you are the one baby free person around her - will give her the space necessary to talk when she needs to. 

xG


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Hello Nana

Just couldn't bear to read and run, after your touching post, which brought a tear to my eye.

You made me think how much the IF journey touches everyone around you - parents, siblings and friends.  We tend to feel so alone in our IF sometimes, and I try to mask so much of the pain to reduce the sympathy we are given.

I am in awe of you   for your support for your daughter (hey, my Mum can't even switch on a computer!) and with that level of support she will get through this so much easier than if she were alone.

It must have been a terrible journey for you all so far, and I   that you will get the strength you need for yourself and your daughter to continue the journey.  I am sure that everyone at FF will be only to happy to support you and your daughter however, and whenever you need it.

I wish you and your daughter the very, very best of luck for a positive and happy outcome.    XXXX


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

hello nana

gosh your daughter is so lucky to have a mum like you   

i think all you can do is be there for her as you're already doing and listen when she needs to talk, hug when she doesnt feel up to it but most of all you need somewhere/someone to talk to about this too. i know you want to be strong for your daughter but by the sounds of it, its really effecting you emtionally too. I hope we can provide some support for you and this is a fab site to just come and chat about your worries etc   

 good luck

love jo x


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

Nana

I also wanted to say that just knowing you are there for your daughter is the best support you can give. My parents have been brilliant, and it wasn't until very recently I realised just how good.

The loss of our son greatly upset and effected my parents and they found great help from talking to other grandparents who had lost. I don't know if you have also been incontact with SANDS and the Childrens Brievement society - both of whom offer support.

As for the next IVF and pregnancy  there is little you can do other than be there for your daughter, offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to rant to, and just carry on offering her your love.

Any pregnancy after a loss is tough, but with a little luck and sensibility a healthy child will come her way.

Sending you and your daugher lots of  and 

Deb


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## nana (Mar 9, 2008)

Hi Everyone

Gosh I feel like I have gained a whole new family!  You are all so kind to respond so soon.  Tandi, I took your advice and sent my daughter some flowers.  Needless to say she wondered why, so I just told her - "just because"! - she was so thrilled with them.  She and her partner are to see their consultant just after Easter, then I guess they just have to wait for her period to start.  Dad and I have treated them to an overnight stay at a nice hotel, when they go - but they don't know yet! - Tee hee!  I think I shall definitely have a chat with Daughter about this site and encourage her to join you all.  Meanwhile lots of love from me and loads of "fairy dust" to those of you still trying to conceive your dream.

ps How do I do the little smilies?

Nana xxx


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## ♥Meerkat♥ (Nov 14, 2005)

Nana 
I've only just seen your post but wanted to say what a wonderful mum you are!    No doubt you'll be a super gran too!

As for the smilies - when you've hit the reply button, you will see a line of smilies appear above the empty box where you type your message.  Just click on the one you want to use.

Best of luck and hope everything goes well with your daughter's forthcoming treatment.

       

Meerkat x


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## talie (Mar 13, 2008)

hi nana,
you sound so much like my mum, who also find it all very hard to del with as me and my husband have been trying for 3-4 years and are also going for ivf, in this time my sister has had a baby and my mum finds that all so hard and also like your self cry a lot. As the dauther having you around mean so much. 
you sound so lovely
all the best to you and your family
talie


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi nana and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support.

You have been left some great links to try out.

Im sorry to hear all that your daughter has been through and its great that u are wanting to be involved in helping her. Just giving her support is the only thing i can say.

Kate xx​


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