# Frickenn men!



## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Hey ladies

Been through hell the last few days as other half has been to scared to tell me how he is feeling. Yesterday I thought our treatment was all cancelled. Basically I have been so wrapped up in all this excitement about egg share (must admit I have been a little obsessed) that I didn't realise that he has been questioning if to go through with it or not. He has had so much stress at work and studying also. He says I have been 'nagging' him to take his vitamins, drink water, steer clear of fizzy drinks and fast food. I've only ever wanted us to have the best possible chance at this as I will only get one go (35 In Aug)

What he fails to realise is in the last month I have stopped smoking, made a real effort to be drinking 2L of water a day, (which feels like im gonna drown at times as im not used to it) stopped my anti depressants which I was on in conjunction with counselling due to my infertility, totally cut out coffee and tea and all whilst trying desperately to keep my weight down. He is even questioning what will happen if we split up if treatment works... Obviously I cannot help but feel stressed about this now and not even sure if to just cancel it all together 

Why areen so hard to read? If I have something on my mind I am the first to tell him and I don't hold back, but I have to try and work anything he has on his mind out of him. 

Am I being too hard in him? At all men like this? 

I just want us to have the best possible chance and tried to explain that we need to be strong and be each others rock cos it's not an easy path to be going down and if he can break at this point before we have even had the consultation then what chance have we got?

I think he is scared to death that he may turn out to have a problem in the downstairs dept too as we have never ventured into fertility treatment before so this is all new.

Also he is worried about the counselling session we will have to do.. And to be honest I am now too...

Confused and worried and we haven't started yet


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Sorry for spelling mistakes.. iPhone is going out the window soon!


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Oh dear I really am too tough in him aren't I! 

22 reads and not one response! I'm not a witch honestly!


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## Mee Mee (Jun 24, 2010)

Gone fishing - I think it's true that men are from mars & all that! At times I feel like I already have a child as I have had to tell hubby when to take everything, not to do certain things and he still had a sneaky *** every so often! Hope you can get through this together - you are right as you both need to be strong for each other. Hopefully it's just nerves and he will feel better once you have had the consultation x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Gonefishing31
I think what you are going through just now is quite common.  IVF puts such pressure on relationships - we had terrible arguments when we were going it. And men are so bad at saying how they feel which just makes it worse - and all at a time when we females are needing more support from them, not doubts. You are NOT a witch.  Tell him you just need a cuddle now and then, and try to be nice to each other (easier said than done, sometimes).  I hate to say this, but it will probably get worse once you actually start treatment, because you then have the hormones and added stress to cope with, so be prepared.  But you will get through it (we did) so just try to focus on the end goal in the meantime, though I know it's not easy.

Sending you      and lots of     

Ellie


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Thanks ladies
I think he just went into panic mode..after a long chat we are back on track but have warned him we have a long stressfull road ahead of us. I think more than anything he is worried about him having probs too as we have never done any of these tests before..
Fingers crossed - for every one of us xxxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

gonefishing i sympathise with your post i have been rather trying to get DH to take vitamins, eat healthily, etc, had to hold myself back in the supermarket from screaming at him not to buy bacon - 'god,' i thought, 'do i really want to turn into 'the bacon police'? '
had to let him spend money in HMV yesterday just because i felt guilty about things being all 'me,me,me'.
and yet in the back of my mind there is a horrible feeling/thought, that i think 'if you (selfish so-and-so) hadn't spent so much of our lives insisting you wanted to stay up late drinking and eating junk food and playing computer games we wouldn't be in this situation at all!' Then i feel terribly guilty for thinking like that. But it's kinda true, many 'men' these days seem to think it is ok to act like a teenager til they are nearing 40... they think free time and recreation is an entitlement not a luxury, they sulk and get all moody if they haven't had their five hours of online gaming or whatever.. back in the 50's and 60's i reckon men knew how to be men once they were 21, (yeah, i know, i wasn't there, i probably have unrealistic ideas) and would feel able to be a homemaker and responsible and be able to be a parent young but today's men seem to not be able to do that (ok, i know, not all of them, maybe i'm just unlucky!) when i was 25, 30, i didn't have the choice to start a family because it felt like i was living with an overgrown teenager... (even though we're almost the same age). Now i'm having to have IVF at 41... and he's still sulking about the idea of eating healthily! pretty sure if he was the one having to have the intrusive scanning done he'd be more understanding about how i just want to give everything the best chance. 
good luck x


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Yes, I had problems getting my DH to make diet and lifestyle changes too!  Eventually I showed him a copy of one of my books (Marilyn Glenville's "Natural Solutions to Infertility") which spells out some of the reasons for men (and women) to make changes.  I also pointed out that if the changes worked, they would be much cheaper than paying for IVF (we were self-funding).  Unfortunately, we still had to have IVF eventually but the tactic did work.  I think it is sometimes a question of "reading the riot act" on one hand and cajoling gently a bit on the other (but I found that continuous nagging did so not work).  And once your tx works (sending you all lots of     ), don't be surprised if you get the odd male objection to not now being the only one in the house needing mothering.  Took my one at least a year to adjust to that (but he is a great dad now)!!! Men, eh, can't live with them, can't live without them ...  

PS - gonefishing31: if there do turn out to be any problems with your DP, you need to be ready to reassure him that you don't see it as his "fault".  It's all just the luck of the draw in my opinion, and the best way is to deal with it is to see it a problem for you both to deal with as a couple. But I think with IVF the best thing to do is to try to take things one step at a time, and not go crossing bridges before you come to them.   

Good luck

Ellie


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

goldbunny said:


> gonefishing i sympathise with your post i have been rather trying to get DH to take vitamins, eat healthily, etc, had to hold myself back in the supermarket from screaming at him not to buy bacon - 'god,' i thought, 'do i really want to turn into 'the bacon police'? '
> had to let him spend money in HMV yesterday just because i felt guilty about things being all 'me,me,me'.
> and yet in the back of my mind there is a horrible feeling/thought, that i think 'if you (selfish so-and-so) hadn't spent so much of our lives insisting you wanted to stay up late drinking and eating junk food and playing computer games we wouldn't be in this situation at all!' Then i feel terribly guilty for thinking like that. But it's kinda true, many 'men' these days seem to think it is ok to act like a teenager til they are nearing 40... they think free time and recreation is an entitlement not a luxury, they sulk and get all moody if they haven't had their five hours of online gaming or whatever.. back in the 50's and 60's i reckon men knew how to be men once they were 21, (yeah, i know, i wasn't there, i probably have unrealistic ideas) and would feel able to be a homemaker and responsible and be able to be a parent young but today's men seem to not be able to do that (ok, i know, not all of them, maybe i'm just unlucky!) when i was 25, 30, i didn't have the choice to start a family because it felt like i was living with an overgrown teenager... (even though we're almost the same age). Now i'm having to have IVF at 41... and he's still sulking about the idea of eating healthily! pretty sure if he was the one having to have the intrusive scanning done he'd be more understanding about how i just want to give everything the best chance.
> good luck x


haha the bacon police!!! that made me laugh!! I am the 'everything police' at the moment!
And what is it with these men & their computer games?? fricken call of duty drives me insaine!
They do indeed take so much longer to grow up than us... my other half is 4 years ounger but still!
for years we spent on & off as he was too immature to commit... & I think he realises now that if he wants a baby ever its now or never..as Ive only got till im 35 to try. (We will never be able to afford IVF without getting into debt which obvs is not the ideal thing to do when planning for a little one)

Oh and he lived on junk food for years too and has not had the healthiest lifestyle i think thats why he is so worried.. but does that make him just crack on with it? NO! i have to 'NAG!!!' haha

Good luck anyway & thanks for the reply xxxx


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Ellie.st said:


> Yes, I had problems getting my DH to make diet and lifestyle changes too! Eventually I showed him a copy of one of my books (Marilyn Glenville's "Natural Solutions to Infertility") which spells out some of the reasons for men (and women) to make changes. I also pointed out that if the changes worked, they would be much cheaper than paying for IVF (we were self-funding). Unfortunately, we still had to have IVF eventually but the tactic did work. I think it is sometimes a question of "reading the riot act" on one hand and cajoling gently a bit on the other (but I found that continuous nagging did so not work). And once your tx works (sending you all lots of    ), don't be surprised if you get the odd male objection to not now being the only one in the house needing mothering. Took my one at least a year to adjust to that (but he is a great dad now)!!! Men, eh, can't live with them, can't live without them ...
> 
> PS - gonefishing31: if there do turn out to be any problems with your DP, you need to be ready to reassure him that you don't see it as his "fault". It's all just the luck of the draw in my opinion, and the best way is to deal with it is to see it a problem for you both to deal with as a couple. But I think with IVF the best thing to do is to try to take things one step at a time, and not go crossing bridges before you come to them.
> 
> ...


Thanks Ellie also.. Yes I am very prepared that if this works I will most certainly have 2 babies to look after! 
I've actually tried to read some bits to him from all the 100's of pages ive got printed off.. & i am sure it went in one ear & straight back out the other!.. He switches off & I do admit I do go on but why not - this is SO IMPORTANT being our only chance!..

anyway sending lots of luck to everyone here... xxxx


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## farm boy (Mar 2, 2012)

it's not just us men who are not always good at communication, my dw keeps things inside too.
hopefully you'll work it all out.
i dont think you seem like a which just very motivated. have blown you a bubble to prove it.
good luck to you  both.

**..


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## gonefishing31 (Mar 28, 2010)

Ahh sorry **.. In my ignorance I failed to realise that there may actually be men on here too   

Thanks for the post.. everything is A ok now so   there are no further hiccups from now till 30th!

haha I'm going to say that when im accused next of being a 'Nag' -' No darling I'm just motivated!!!!'

All the luck to you & your partner too


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