# Update on possible match.... ALL OVER



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

We've been shortlisted by the child's sw and they will visit us next week.
When this happened with DD's sw, it meant we were the definate chosen ones and could plan ahead. With this new one, it's a different system altogether. Although we've been shortlisted, it means we'll be visited along with 2 other couples. Then and only then will they make their final decision.
So although we have no idea what they are looking for in a family for baby X, we need to stand out from the other couples and impress  

It feels like such a daunting experience anyway getting to this stage for a second time, but I'm so scared that we can still be rejected. We've thoroughly gone through the child's form E and have asked questions. And from the answers to those questions, you can build up a clearer picture and form a bond. They know we want to proceed with this, to us, this feels like potentially an excellent match, and on paper, they've selected us to be "interviewed for the job"  and now we're vieing against 2 other couples who we know nothing about.
Oooh, I feel sick!  

Has anyone else been through this system and how did you cope?
I can already see myself getting in a right stew before next week!


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ever
Ooooohhhhhh, no experience of this I'm afraid - our LA only see you when they think you are the ones so I hope not to be in this position in the future.
Just wanted to say Good Luck, will be keeping everything crossed for you.
Love
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Sorry I have no experience either as like OT we were ever only told about our children when they had made their decision and we were the ones!!!

You know your the right couple you just have to prove it and the only way to do that is to be yourselves, you've got this far so far by doing that.

Listen to what they have to say and ask questions to show you have considered everything.

Good luck and I hope they don't keep you waiting to long.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi Ever

We were shortlisted for our cherub. We were up against 3 other couples. Iam going to be honest with you and say it is very tough. We felt exactly the same as you we had seen a fair amount of information and were very keen. We were first time adopters. It felt completely like an interview. Our social worker basically told us if we were interested in the child then "to sell ourselves" I know this sounds horrible but we took it to be as positive and enthusiastic as we could. We saw a photo of him and were offered to see a dvd of him playing which we were warned about before the sw's arrived as alot of adopters couldn't handle seeing a child in a dvd making an attachment and then not get chosen. We decided to watch it as we felt it was an important part of matching (none of the other couples decided to watch it, we will never know if this had any bearing on the decision). We had to wait 9 excruciating days whilst the other couples were interviewed! We had fallen hook line and sinker for him I had never wanted anything so much in my whole life. We were so so lucky to have been chosen. I have no idea how we would have coped had we not be chosen as we had totally captured him in our heart. The advice we were given was to try and not attach yourself or get emotionally involved, yeh right! This is so hard to do as most adopters I know are emotional, giving people.

When we got the call to say we had been chosen apparently our cherubs social worker had said one of the reasons they had chosen us was that we were so enthusiastic, so maybe that does help. 

I will keep everything crossed that you are the chosen family for littely.     

Please feel free to ask if you would like to know anything else. Keep us posted

xxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks Cherub's Mum!!  

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I know already it;s going to be tough, and it's only day 1.
God only knows when they're seeing the other "candidates".
I've been told that we won't get to see a picture on this visit.

Like you say, it will be down to us, being ourselves and hopefully coming across well. 

Thanks again
I'll keep you posted x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Oh Ever,

That must be soooooooooooooo hard, but i am sure you will all be fine and make a great impression. Good Luckxx

PBMx


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## sunfish (Apr 20, 2002)

Ever

Wishing you lots and lots of 

love

Camilla


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi Ever

Congratulations on being shortlisted.  We were one of three couples shortlisted too.  One couple dropped out before they were seen by the SWs so it was only 2 couples in the end.

We were also told to sell ourselves and think of it like a job interview.  I put together a ring binder file.  I put all the childrens info that we'd been given into it, info on local schools, schools prospectus, ofsted reports, parks, leisure facilicties, local community groups, info off the internet that I'd researched on ds medical condition, etc.  DH and I then went through the CPR with a fine tooth comb and picked out anything we wanted more info on and made a list.  At the visit we just used this list as an aide memoir, most of our questions were answered by the SWs before we had to ask them.  We then made a seperate list up of all the reasons why we thought we would be a good choice to parent our two, a sort of 'what we had to offer' list.  I also wrote a short synopsis of the CPR and condensed the main facts and dates down onto a couple of A4 sheets,  that way we could quickly glance at the pertinent points  and it made it look and sound like we knew more about the children than the SWs did.  All of this turned into quite a chunky file, which I laid on the coffee table on the day of the visit.  I picked it up a couple of times during the visit and flicked through it when I wanted to check something.  The SWs didn't look at the file in any detail, but I found out afterwards that they were blown away by the anount of preparation we had done and felt that showed how committed we were to the children.

Another plus point of doing all that preparation for the meeting was that it kept me very busy while I was waiting for the day of the visit and I had less time to get nervous.  

Don't forget the posh cake or biscuits too.

Good luck

Sanita


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Ever - good luck for next week!

Sanita - I've printed out your message. There are so many good tips in there for when we get to that stage. My FF file is getting bigger and bigger 

Bluebells xx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Ever, 
Haven't been on here for a bit as am still getting back into the swing on normal life following Christmas! We were initally shortlisted from 5 couples and then we were one of two couples interviewed for our two. Like Sanita we did alot of homework and felt that we needed to 'allow' ourselves to fall in love. We thought about Schools for Charlie and had visited them we also got all the details of the mother and toddler groups and all other child orientated happenings in the area, we talked alot about other friends and families with children the same age and talked about where our support would come from (of course alot of this you cover in HS but it will be different SW's making the decision). Obviously you will have alot of info about all the day to day stuff already being a Mum but it would be good to go over it. I guess they will want to know that you have thought about how the new little one will fit in with your DD and I would really spend time thinking about how you sell this as a real positive. If there are any 'negatives' in the form E I would really demonstrate that you've thought about these in detail and talk about what support you would need and what you have already reserched and found out. All the preparation we did really paid off and from the feedback we recieved I think it was a major postive for us, the other factor was that we really sold how much we wanted Charlie and Lola and all the little things like the fact we love their names and Charlie has hair like mine etc was really positive (I was worried that they'd think we were being superficial- and maybe even said that!). Saying all that we later found out that they took one look at our photo on our form F and decided that they wanted us, but  in our LA they always interview 2 couples at least if possible.
All the best, when is your interview?
Love
Viva
XXX


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks guys  

You've given me so many handy hints. I;ll be printing it all off in a mo to show hubbie!
I couldn't think straight when I woke up this morning, I went in the shower while hubbie was seeing to dd. I couldn't even get showered without rehearsing it all in my head! It's crazy! I don't know who these people are who are coming, or what they'll be asking us, but I was going over things that I want to ask and would like to find out.
I jotted everything down as soon as I got dried!

I will be blitzing the house anyway, but just wondered, did the child's social workers have a good nosey around your homes? I expect they'll at least need to see the child's bedroom.

 It's Tuesday morning.... eeek! It'll soon be here!!


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Oh Ever i can feel your emotion in your post of excitement, love, hope and also nerves!

Have everything  for you , DH and DD that this little one is for you

Hugs

Mez
xxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Ever, 
Being previously child free we were planning on making some changes to how we used our rooms, E.G the room that previosly held an 8 seater table now is our 'family' room, with much smaller table and chairs a little sofa and plenty of room for toys and the childrens books, we were keen to talk through our plans and also show the bedrooms and where we had though that each child would sleep and why, I think that they would have wanted to take a look anyway, I can safely say I didn't clean and tidy like mad though, it definitely had a lived in look about it. I did however make my secret weapon Chocolate cake though!!!  
Viva
XXX


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i wish SW's wouldnt do this to couples, making it a competition  makes it so stressful
hope it all goes ok ever, everyones given you great advice... sure you'll knock em dead 

kj x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Ever,
Just wanted to add all my support and hope this works out for you all,
Love JD x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Viva 

Love the chocolate cake idea, although it couldn't possibly work for us, as I have a compulsion to _not_ share - anything chocolate!! 

Had some great advice from all the ladies on here and also my sw. This morning, I had a look through DD's form F. From that I could see the differences in description that the differing counties had made about these 2 children (DD and possible newbie). From DD's form, we could get a feel for her personality and imagine her face, with this current form, it's very vague, so that's prompted lots of questions to go on my list! Nosey as ever, I will of course need to know every detail about this child, there is to know!!

I had gone through our millions of photo albums and produced a select few that display DD from the start of our journey to now. She won't be at the meeting, so they need to see what a fab big sister she'll make! It's taken me nearly all evening though, and that's purely because I couldn't choose! She looks so cute and scrummy in all of them!!

I have also dug out the report that was made by the matching social workers after our meeting for DD, and luckily in there, points out a few things that they took as positives that I must remember to display on Tuesday!

My house will be clean and tidy, but with that lived in, family look. I'll try not to leave out too many clues as to our desperation for this child to become ours! They will be able to see the bedroom however, that is luckily all finished.
And my fave biscuits of all time are sat waiting in the cupboard. Nope! Can't open those ones, they're for a very special meeting!!!

Mmmm, I am, sort of, feeling calm and confident about it now.
Just need to get the weekend here to start the spring-clean of all time!!!

 Thanks again for your kind wishes x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!  

Less than 12 hours to go until the meeting of our lives!

I am cacking my panties!! 

The house is spotless, and the questions and list of positives has been checked and double checked over and over. I had to write everything down so I don't forgot it.
I've been going over and over this bloomin meeting in my head since last week. I'm making myself ill thinking about it!

Me and DH have decided that if this turns out to be a no-go for whatever reason, then we'll be telling our SW that we won't be putting ourselves up for this type of torture again!!

I know we aren't supposed to get ourselves involved and excited over this child, but how can we not? I've been saying their name in my head every day since we got the form. I've been imagining telling people, and sharing our joy.

It's been a real mix of excitement and anxiety, but also something that I obviously didn't feel last time, and that is feeling disloyal to DD. It feels almost like a betrayal that I could hope and dream about another baby.
DD has always been the centre of our world, and suddenly I'm thinking about another one. Ooh, it's a real strange feeling.

Right better get to bed, even though I probably won't sleep!!

Please keep everything crossed for us


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## rebeccas (Oct 26, 2005)

Hi 

Just want to wish you well with your meeting, haven't been on for over a week.  Thinking of you  

Love Rebecca


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## AliR (Nov 13, 2005)

good luck today. hope it all goes well

x x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Good luck for today.

Don't feel guilty about thinking about another baby, you are not being disloyal to your lovely DD & she will still be the apple of your eye, she'll just be sharing it with her new brother! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Ever

Hope today went well for you  

Please update us when you can

xxx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Ever,
I have had everything crossed for you!!!!
Let us know as soon as you can 
Love JD xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi there

I feel in real turmoil right now and can't get my head straight.
We were approved for 0-2 years and with the understanding of our sw that we really wanted as young as possible this time round.
News of this little BamBam came through before Christmas and the age was then just over 1 year. Our aim had always been to get first steps or 1st birthday whichever came first. So this one was obviously already older than our criteria.
But we jumped at the chance because they sounded so lovely, and things just slotted in for us and I could imagine them living with us.
So when we heard we'd been shortlisted we were over the moon (and still are because we realise how lucky and priviledged we are).
The meeting came this morning and after 2 hours it was very difficult to gauge any reaction or feedback. No idea how we've done, although our sw said it went as well as it could've done. We did everything in our power. Now it's down to them.

So what's your problem, I can hear you all asking....!!  

Well, firstly the little piece of talking they did about BamBam really warmed my heart and again I could imagine he/she being here.
The down side that is really making us think it over, is the time scales involved. We appreciate that this child is going to be a few weeks older when placed. But the way these people (I mean this particular authority) do things and string things out, we can see it's going to be a long process (even though, they initially said they wanted this one moving quickly). And BamBam could be another 4 months older, which is closing in on the age DD was on her arrival,.
Don't get me wrong, both me and DH have said we could easily take another at 19/20 mths old. But if this is our last chance of baby-ness, DH thinks I'll regret not holding out for a younger one.

What's making it really tough is that we know that baby-babies are coming through the system for adoption and our sw has repeatedly said that it wouldn't take us long to be matched if this one falls through. Which makes us think that they know there are already potential matches in the pipeline (in young babies).

I'm really stuck. I've done nothing this afternoon but go over it in my head and really upset myself over it.
I know in the midst of this horrible system we might go through, is still a little person, no matter what age, who still needs a family. 
Dilemma #1 - If we pull ourselves out of this equation then I'll always wonder about BamBam and regret failing him/her.
Dilemma #2 - If we hold out for this one, then DH thinks I'll regret not holding out for a younger one.

HELP!   
I really don't know what to do.


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Big hugs.

It must have been one heck of a meeting today and you must be feeling sooo confused.  

I haven't been in your exact position but we did get papers about a littlie who was on the upper age limit for us and it was a factor for me - not a major one - just a niggling feeling of 'but i know there are babies'.  However we both agreed to continue with it as everything else seemed right and my DH is very much a 'grass isn't always greener' kind of thinker whereas I always wonder if i have 'settled'.  His view was that we were never going to get a 'replacement birth child' so why not go for what the sw's thought was a best match.  Anyway...it all turned out not to be after a few questions we asked were answered...so we never had to make the final decision but if you want to PM me to just talk it all out - feel free.

Hope you don't mind but I am going to say a few prayers for you tonight in the hope that you can find the answers you are looking for and that everyone (including bambam) gets what they need most.

magenta xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Me again  

Can anyone un-tangle this mess in my brain and help me see things clearer?

I know that 2 things would help me definately make up my mind but I don't think that either can/will happen.

1) If child's sw could tell us that they see him/her being approved and placed before end of March or earlier. (Not likely from the way they were talking, and would probably cause problems with us asking)
2) If our sw could give us more indication of other possibilities coming up. (Not likely, as she doesnt want to give us any info until we've ridden this one through and know the outcome)

 Still confused?? Me too!!!

PS I think in my heart of hearts I am secretly hoping that we dont get chosen as the "ones" by the child's sw! That way, the decision has been made for us!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh poor you, so many questions which I am afraid only you can answer but we can offer advice to.

I've typed my reply twice now and each time its told me that a new reply has been posted, prompting me to rewrite another message.

I would sleep on it, ring your SW tomorrow tell her you are wondering even if she won't give you details if there are any possible younger matches.

bambam has grown in your heart and its a hard decision to make, you know you are in direct compertition with another couple and the decision may go there way, no one knows the score on that one..........sorry if that seems a bit harsh but I know you understand what I am trying to say.

We adopted an older child first, older than your DD, our DS was nearly 4 & we did miss the babe in arms experience that is one of the reasons we did concurrency, when that went wrong we were still determined to follow our dreams and have a babe in arms, we were so lucky and we got our DD placed with us aged 9 months.

PM if you want to talk away from the boards.

love
Andrea
xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Oh Ever,

Such a dilemma...

You have had great advice. The only thing I would add is that from the sounds of it you have taken to this littely, you have imagined them in your family etc etc. You could wait for a younger child but not have the same feelings as you have for this littely. I totally understand you wanting the baby thing. If in your heart you want to wait and will always wonder what if then you have your answer.

Good luck with what you decide

xxx

p.s We waited 8 weeks to go to matching panel and that was touch and go whether we would make it, sooooo frustrating!!!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

aw ever what a confusing time for you  any ideas on when they'll get back to you?

as someone who waited far too long for our littlie i can say hand on heart that we didnt feel any different about her being older than when we first  thought it was going ahead..she was 13 months when we met her in April, 14 months at panel, would have been 15 months at placement first time around and ultimately was 19 months when finally placed with us. when we pulled out in July we knew there was a slim possibility of her coming back to us at a later date but i said i didnt think I'd be able to take her on then because she would be older and i'd sold my heart to a littlie who wasnt yet walking and i was so gutted that we would have missed her first steps/first shoes (i've got a thing about shoes  ) and end of babyhood. i kept saying 'i didnt sign up to her as a nearly 2 year old, i signed up to her as nearly still a baby   '
of course what mattered in the end was that she was the right match for us and she was obviously meant to be ours and when we finally met her again nothing mattered about missing her first steps and we fell in love with her all over again. the FC had taken plenty of photos of the time we had missed so we have those as mementos. she still had lots of behaviour that was babylike and of course even now she's growing up fast i try to cling onto cradling her and doing baby-type things with her..which is no bad thing as we're making up for lost time anyway 

is this helping 

i think you need a few days to let this unravel and settle down in your head
that way i see is that if you dont get chosen that thats the way it was meant to be, and as you say, the decision will have been taken from you
if they do come back and choose you you still have the right to say no..nobodys going to force you into it if you say that after careful consideration you've decided the match isnt right, that would be awful because that isnt the way to start a life with a child.
If, in a weeks time, after getting your head settled, your heart sinks when they say you've been chosen, OR you are dreading them coming back and saying you've been chosen then perhaps theres your answer 

big  hun

kj x


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Ever, 
It's a toughie isn't it? and so frustrating when you can't help thinking how much better it would be if 'they' just pulled their fingers out! I think the others have already given you some good advice and having been through it before you know how it feels when the match is 'right' I know this sounds a bit daft but is the little developmental on track and also how big are they? Our two were the perfect match for us, but by the time they moved in they were no longer, 3 years and just 1 year as described to us but 4 years and 17 months, however they are both small for their ages and stupidly I like that in some ways as the 'cute' factor is there in a big way. Also my littlest although not delayed isn't advanced either so we're still getting loads of firsts. I don't know if this is making sense let alone helping, but I am definitely thinking of yo with all this. I guess the other unknown is if you hold out for a baby what will their background be and how do you feel about this littlies background.
You will make the right decision I'm sure, sounds like a glass of wine and bath may be in order!
Viva
XXX
P.S KJ I'm so with you on the shoe thing, obviously we missed first shoes but I'm making up for it now, DH and I both live in 'Converse' trainers and bought both DH and DD a pair when they moved in Converse do amazing ones for kids and we will be keeping these as their 'first Mummy and Daddy shoes' DS's are bright red with spacemen on them and DD's purple with cats and flowers, very cool and very cute!


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi again  

Thank you. It's so nice to have your support and advice on this. Sometimes we do forget that we're not in this bubble alone!!

Our first DD was 17mths when we heard about the match and 8 weeks later she was placed with us and was almost 20mths old. That, initially was "too old" for us because ultimately the dream was to have a baby-baby. Of course, when we met her, the age didnt matter and she still had a lot of the baby-ness about her and we feel we were very lucky to still have had that element in her. We know full well that we could love another toddler as much  (well, not quite as much as this stage!) as DD. But can imagine this little person being part of our family.
My biggest dilemmas really are that BamBam will be almost DD's age and we promised ourselves that we'd have more of the baby stages for us as a family before we call it a day. And DH especially doesn't want me to have any regrets later on. At this time I cant honestly say one way or the other.
The second one is that we know that this child wasnt our SW's choice for us, and we get the impression she knows of other potentials.
Then again, we could be shooting ourselves in the foot by saying no.
I would like to know the outcome of this case, ie. which couple they choose.
I agree with you, kj, if and when that phonecall comes, I will be able to determine by then, what my feelings are towards this case.

We'll know one way or another by the end of this month.
I will speak with my SW in the meantime though.
At the moment, my mind is switching constantly from yes to no, and back again. Who knows?!

Thanks again guys!

While I was sobbing on DH's shoulder, there was a programme on C4 in the background about the "diet" chefs 'V' celebrity chefs and they said one dish was more tasty but had double the calories... so I said to DH, it's just like having a cuppa tea on it's own, or a cup of tea with chocolate, I know what I prefer ! And I certainly needed it at that point! DH jumped up, grabbed his shoes and ran down to the local shop and came back armed with a bag of Cadburys Mini Eggs!!!  What a gem!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

aw what a lovely dh you have!

kj x

ps viva love the converse story..just had a look at some online... very cute..i'm heading towards crocs for littlie this summer


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  

I'm getting angry with myself going over and over it! I'm sick to death of thinking about it and giving myself brain-strain!!  

I can't honestly stop wondering and thinking about this little BamBam and think how lucky we are to potentially be matched with a 15mth old baby (as they would be by placement time).  People would fall over themselves to be in our position, I know that. 
DH worries that I will regret in years to come that I forewent the early baby stages. But like I say to him, I will always look back on my life and wish I could've been pregnant, given birth and pushed my newborn baby in a proper big pram, but there's nothing I can do about that, now or in the future.

We've just had a little chat about it and agreed that if we only ever have 2 children, we'd prefer them to have some similarities and parallels that can give them the connection they'll crave as siblings. With getting an over 1 yr child, I personally feel like it's a common ground between them, neither will have had 1st birthdays or Christmases with us. 
Does that make any sense to anyone?!!

Unless anything else changes in the meantime... we've decided to keep on this track and see where it takes us. Let's face it, it might all end if the sw's don't choose us over the other couples (they better bloomin well do though!!).
If and when we get the good news of a positive match, we will then ask for up to date descriptions and a photo. We can also then find out about timescales involved.

So... there you go. I've done all the crying I can   for now anyway!!
I will gain as much inspiration and hope as I can to stay strong!! And speak with my sw tomorrow.

 Thanks for bearing with me on this one!!

x


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Ever, 
Your thinking on your too littlies having parallels in being with you makes so much sense and may help your DD in particular with accepting her new brother or sister. My two are siblings and adore each other but sibling jealousy is a daily event and if I am doing something 'babyish' with Lola, like giving her teething powders for her teeth (still teething at the moment!!!!) Cahrlie says things like 'I had these when I was little didn't I? It's hard knowing that there will be gaps there for him (and also that if I was honest with him, the answer would probably be 'No' to most things!)
Viva
X
KJ. I think Crocs are totally the way forward for Summer, they just need something they can easily slip on...at the moment though Lola would lose hers in 5 minutes...still summer is a long way away unfortunately!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

ever - to me it sounds like you ARE getting there in your heads so well done. i think your point about the 2 children having similarities is a very good one

viva have you seen these converse -type things in next..i saw them today in town and thought of you! (bottom row far left..)
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/children/youngergirls/18/

kj x

/links


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Ever and DH (and DD)

massive  

we havent got to the potential matching stage yet however can totally grasp how hard this must be. (can feel the emotion in your post)

Keep us updated 

xxxx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Ever,

I totally go with you on the thing about them having the same experience's with you. I too felt this was important and so for me i wanted to share pinky's 1st birthday and Christmas, as we had had this with pooh bear so a baby under 1 was important to me, and I know I am blessed that this is what we got.

TTFN

PBMx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

been thinking of you Ever..how are the heads getting along..any news  tho i'm sure you would have told us if there was 

kj x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi kj!

Yes I'm been wanting to add to this thread but with little or no news at the moment I didn't want to bore anyone!!

Our heads are much much clearer now thankyou! It was such a relief to get the decision out of the way, it was like a big weight was lifted.
I soon realised how lucky we are to be in this position and have a one in three chance of being matched with a bambam! How could I possibly have ever thought that 16month old baby would be too old?! I must've been having one of my odd days!  

No, I know they say "no news is good news" but OMG! it's driving me slightly more insane than I was this time last week!!
I can't stop thinking about this little person and want to know so badly.
I know now that I will be devastated if the answer comes back as a no.

At least the 2ww during tx was down to my body alone. I wasn't reliant on anyone to decide if I was good enough!

Please keep everything (possible) crossed for us and I will post any news as soon as I can  

x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

It's got nothing to do with being good enough hun, of course you are good enough or you would never of been approved once let alone twice   my ds sw told me a lot of it comes down to whether your personality matches theirs as if you click of course they will feel you are a good match (obviously you need to be a match on paper too) does that make any sense ? 

anyway i have got everything crossed for you all     

pam xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

ooh dont you worry, i'm crossing everything    

kj x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Ever

Congrats on the possible match.  Hope you get to hear soon

PBM - congrats to you I missed all the new about pinky's placement

Take care girls
Love
Karen x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

We've heard that we will know the "result" by Tuesday pm!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I'm pleased we know when it'll be, but OMG! now I'm getting nervous!!!

I'll post as soon as I know..... let's hope we don't need the tissues out


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

OMG Hun,

Fingers, toes and everything crossed for you.

PBMx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Ever

keeping everything crossed and keeping all my positive thoughts for you on Tuesday!!

good luck hun
can't wait to hear

LB
X


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

awww hun i'll have everything crossed for you   

pam xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Ever- everything crossed for you all

xxxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Ever
Keeping everything crossed for you hun, think I'd need the tissues either way!

I've just read back over the post and am sorry not to have posted sooner and offered my support.  I can understand you wanting that younger baby stage but you sound as though you have 'clicked' with this child.  When we had the cpr for the little boy we didn't 'click', we tried and tried but the niggling feeling wouldn't go away.

Good luck for Tuesday.
Love
OT x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Ever,

I've been following your post. I cannot offer advice like the other lovely ladies have because I haven't been in your position – yet 

But that doesn't mean I can't wish you the best of luck for Tuesday 

I've got everything crossed for you too.

Bluebells
xxxxxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Awww, Thanks girls!  

I feel all emotional!! It's really strange really because when I saw my friend today I said to her "Next time we see each other, I will either be mummy to a 13mth old baby   or .... well back to square one really and just another mum-in-waiting" 

I think you're right OT, I will need the tissues either way! 

This could be our last weekend as waiting-for-the-phone-to-bloomin'-ring-ers
 Here's hoping and willing with every part of me!  

I'll post my news on here, before I tell anyone (well, might let DH know first!!)

xx


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

Hello Ever

I've not been on here much lately and I've obviously missed a crucial time for you.  Sorry you've been in such agonys of indecision over this.  I think when we are all going through the assessment and approval process that we think that once we are approved it will be less stressful.  Well, I certainly remember finding this choosing and waiting to see if we were chosen really hard.  Birth mums get what that are given and are usually delighted with it.  Having to choose your child and reject others is weird, verging on horrid.

Good luck and I hope you hear the decision very soon.

love Sanita


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Tons of luck Ever 

Laine xxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

IT'S ALL OVER. 

I am devastated. Just had the call to say another couple were chosen to be bambam's new parents.

I don't know what to do with myself. Dh is at work and I am due to pick DD up from pre-school in half an hour and I can't stop crying  

It's so unfair. The lucky couple were chosen because mum will give up working and be a full-time stay at home mum. How mad am I that I couldn't tell the sw's I was in a position to do the same? I wish.   They'd read in our form F that we werent in a position to give up work completely so why put us through this?

I came upstairs to shred the papers (form e). I can't even do that. How do I get this little boy out of my head?
I feel like they've dangled this child infront of us for 5 weeks and then snatched him away again.


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## AliR (Nov 13, 2005)

so sorry hun. x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

so sorry to read this  

know no words will make it any easier but allow yourself to cry if you need to, people will understand 
and dont go blaming yourself as you couldnt give up work completely, thats not your fault and shouldnt come into it, there are very few mums who can afford to stay at home now 

xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

oh ever i'm so sorry hun..thats really unfair - if the work situation was so significant they shouldnt have considered you..i would have a word with your SW next time you see her . i wish they would do this thing of putting couples up against eachother 

its not the same situation but you know we have been there and read the back as far as having a child snatched from our grasp so i know that feeling of shock and wanting to cry and cry 

thinking of you and hoping that your new addition is waiting in the wings somewhere 

kj x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Really sorry to read this Ever, I wish it was different news for you  

I am sure it was not as simple as the other mother being able to give up work and you know what, I am sure you would have been upset whatever the reason they gave so try not to dwell on that as hard as it is.  Just try to get yourself 'better', allow yourself time to cry and have plenty of family hugs with your husband and precious daughter  

I am not looking forward to this part of the rollercoaster myself - it seems like you need to be very thick skinned and not get emotionally involved but when you love children how can you be expected to do that?!  My thoughts are with you ...

Chin up and cyber hugs ....
Dame Edna xxxxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Ever - sent you a PM!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Ever

xxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks girls, to everyone who's shown me such great support and advice before, during and now after the result!

It means a lot to know you're all there, and we are all routing for each other.

I'd done it! I've managed to shred all the paperwork regarding bambam  and feel proud and relieved to have done it.
I've told the 3 people who knew about the impending result and got that out of the way.
And no doubt at all, I'll have the chance to get another bundle of tears out of the way tonight with Corrie's double eps of Vera's funeral!!  Oh dear, what a state I'll be in!!

I sort of feel relieved now that the result, terrible as it is, is out of the way. We can now think about moving on. 
I know that if it was meant to be, then it would've happened. This just means that our baby is still out there waiting to be found.
Have to look up and onwards. Our search starts again  How long for, though, I don't know.
Part of my 6 weeks of imagining this littlie with us, was also about seeing when we'd possibly have him home, and starting family life in another form. That ideal scenerio was boosted by the fact I would be able to share a least some of the leave with my best friend who's currently on maternity, and also would mean I'd be at home during the time my DD will be starting school. (And I desperately want to be home during that time, to take her and pick her up every day).
So in a way, it's more than a child that I'm in a way grieving for.

Boy oh boy! Who ever said this process was plain-sailing?  Alright! I hold my hands up... I've always said that our journey was easy, and it was pretty much so, but this has just blown my theory right out of the water!! 

So here we go again, back to the waiting game. Hoping above anything that little bambam finds a truly good life with his parents, and that one day, we will find _our very own _ bambam.

 Thanks again xxx


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

Ever- just read your news and wanted to say I'm really sorry and that I'm thinking of you and am sure that very soon you'll get some good news


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Ever

Well done on shreading the paperwork

Like others have said i think they had to find something for pro's and con's- your second baby is out there.

lots of    

xxx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Oh Ever, I am so sorry to read this. Give yourself plenty of time to let it all sink in. Is there any chance of getting away for a long weekend or anything I found through my journey removing myself geographically can help a little.
Take care love JD x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

Ever

sorry to hear this news  

ritz.


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Ever,

I've been following this thread and rooting for you.

So sad.

Sending hugs      

Shivster xx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Ever Hun,

Your baby is still out there waiting for you to be his/her mummy and to have a wonderful big sister. I know this must have been soooooooooooo hard and can only guess how you are feeling. Big cyber hugs coming your way.

PBMxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Ever
I am so sorry to read your update.  Take some time to grieve and look after yourself.
Your baby will find you.
Love
OT x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

ever i'm so sorry hun    hop0efully you wont be waiting too long for another match  

pam xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Ever,

So sorry to read your news.  

Don't know quite what to say, except stay strong and lots of luck.

love and hugs
Bluebells xxxx


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## askingangels (Nov 15, 2005)

Hi Ever

So sorry to hear your news.   

We are currently being considered for a little boy. We were told about him before xmas. SW said to let her know after xmas if interested which we did on 3rd Jan. She returned to work on 8th then said 2 others are being considered as well and she will let me know when they have decided who to visit. With sickness of their staff and holidays this wont even take place till this week. Why do they drag things out.
These little ones grow in our hearts once we are told about them. Sw told me to relax and enjoy my freedom last week   . I think that was the worst thing she could have said to me I couldnt stop crying. (If I wanted 'freedom' I wouldnt have been trying to be a mother for 11 years).

Sorry to go on about me but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and we are all here for you.

Love and hugs

Sx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

so sorry to hear you news ever......i'm sure it won't be long till the perfect match comes along for you and your family

xxruthie


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi Ever

Just read your post, I have been following your postings and I am so sorry about the outcome  .

Take Care
Lynn x


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hi ever

So sorry to read your news. It sounds like such an awful process to be in competition with other couples like that and we just can't help imagining the WHAT IF's can we?....

I do hope you can get to grips with this and feel good again soon. Boy us adoptive parents go through it don;t we....

Love and hugs
HHH


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Ever

sorry that you are having to go through this hun - wishing you a short wait till you meet your child, you are doing great so generous too  - take care

LB
X


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Ever and family

So sorry to read your news, take time to heal  

Kimmy x


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Ever - sending you big hugs. xxxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Do you know.... today I caught up on a bit of reading of this thread and felt pleased with myself that I'm coming to terms nicely with what's happened and feel very comforted by all your messages of support, so thank you everyone  

And then blow me down ! My MIL just rang and mentions why I've gone ahead and booked days off work when I'd originally said I was keeping a few aside (just incase  ). And I thought "well why not tell her, I've talked about it openly at work this week" - and so I gently went through the story from when we first heard about bambam in December upto this week's result. And now I feel all wound up again and tearful. She was very blase about it and although she sympathised with me, she was more angry towards the system and our sw. The poor sw! She's done nothing wrong, infact she was as surprised to get the original call, as we were. It was the other LA who instigated it.
Infact it's the other LA who's caused our heartache, just our sw who's supported us through our initial wobbles, and then decision to go ahead.


Well I am determined to keep up my positive outlook on things. I know it'll happen when it's meant to.
Now I'm firmly focused on other bits and pieces to keep me busy, until at least Easter time. I can't keep checking the phone and worrying if my email's working. It's crazy, and to be honest this latest episode has bashed it out of me. I can't be bothered with worrying myself. 
I do still have a life to be getting on with thank you very much !!

 So cheers everyone for your kind words and support, and here's to no more nasties turning up who think they can spoil things (tough!!)

 x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ever
Keep up the positive poutlook hun, it will happen and when it does you won't have the heartache and worry because it will be right.

Its so hard waiting, checking for emails and messages, we are waiting for feedback from 2 different linking meetings that took place 3 weeks ago - what is taking them sooooooooo long?  I've decided that we haven't been chosen on them because its easier than waiting for the phone to ring, self perservation and all that!

Keep busy, enjoy your daughter and when you least expect it the phone will ring.
Love
OT x


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## rebeccas (Oct 26, 2005)

Ever

I am sorry to hear things haven't worked out as hoped, and yes you do still have a life enjoy it!

Wishing you much love and comfort for the next few weeks. 

Love Rebecca xx


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