# New to adoption



## CazMc82 (Aug 3, 2013)

Hello,

My name is Carol, I am 36 and have a nearly 4 year old from a very lucky first round of IVF. We have had two failed cycles since then to give her a sister and have decided to stop treatment. 

I am really keen on adopting and have contacted our LA and will be attending an info morning in Nov. My other half is willing to go to the info morning but isn’t particularly keen on adoption at the moment. I think it is down to a lack of understanding on the subject and I know he feels bad that our infertility struggle is down to bad/lack of sperm. He also feels adoption is for people who don’t already have a child.

Anyone else in a similar boat? 

Thanks,
Caz


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

We had one birth child, husband has low sperm count and the ones that do swim go in circles so felt much as you describe yours. He reluctantly came along to adoption meetings, he wanted more kids but found it hard to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant. Personally it didn’t bother me hugely as adoption had always been something I had considered. 

I kind of dragged him through the process always saying that if it was the wrong thing we could drop out when that time came. 6 years down the line and we have adopted 3 - all separately. When he has an emotional moment he says how lucky he is that he had me to be so determined and know what I wanted. It was a hard journey and adopted children do need more emotional support than a birth child but we have been blessed. 

Message me if you need to talk or have questions.


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## CazMc82 (Aug 3, 2013)

Aww wow what a story ❤ I will definitely drop you a little line. At the moment our info evening is booked for January and I am already excited but I am scared to be too keen in case he feels I am putting pressure on him. How did you find the process? 

Caz x


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## Helend75 (Dec 9, 2012)

My husband says I was the driving force behind getting us on the adoption trail. Didn’t tell me at the time, just went along with it all! That said he was happy to let nature take its course and didn’t want to be TTC to a calendar... As it was we did IVF with ICSI 3 times & I suspected it might be that way when I’d had gynae issues in my early 20s - hubby then diagnosed with low count & awful morphology so we were evenly split in terms of who was ‘responsible’. I remember discussing adoption v early on & his attitude was v negative (didn’t want to be bringing up someone else’s child if I recall correctly). As our options became fewer we looked again at adoption & essentially we wanted to be parents (although I’d have liked a birth child i wasn’t desperate to ‘be pregnant’).
Sometimes it just takes one person to get the ball rolling! I think OH thinks he’s Peter Pan whereas age was always on my mind. So long as you’re confident he’d not just ‘go along’ with it to keep you happy. 
I might add that we’re now mid way through approval for second time adoption and it was my OH who got the ball rolling this time...


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## Helend75 (Dec 9, 2012)

Also with regards apprehension, I’ve got to say the process was far less onerous & intrusive than we feared - could that be a concern? The biggest pain was the paper trail of stage one when you provide all addresses & workplaces. The stage two meetings all felt very relaxed (important to find a sw who you are happy with!),


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