# Contact letters - stuck for what to write



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

I am completely stuck this time round. 3rd one I've done, and usually I can sit and write and write. Never had a problem writing a letter.

Can anyone let me know the types of things they put in their letters? PM me if safer.

Thanks
x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Ever, I have sent you a pm 
Love JD x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Ever

Just keep it simple...........tell them little snippets of information that does not give to much away about where you live etc!.

For example you could say what your DD favourite colour is and how you have to buy clothes that colour.

How much she has grown & what a chatter box she has become, if she is anything like my DD she never shut up at that age, in the nicest possible way!!  

You could tell them what she likes to do, play outside, watch tellytubbies (?) drawing etc.

If you worrying about telling them about your new addition, YOU don't have to mention your new DD as she has not been placed with you yet & that discion is up to you............you might want to just mention that in your next letter that your DD is now a big sister or you could put it in this letter that your DD is to become a big sister.

I hope this helps just a little bit.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Hi Ever

I agree with Andrea, keep it short and simple.  I bought a box of mixed notelets and therefore there is the opportunity to write just enough and not too much on the cards.  Our reminder for our contact letter arrived in the post today so I will be doing ours this weekend.

Tracey x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Tracey,
I didn't know some people got a reminder to do their contact letters we don't does anyone else out of interest?
JD x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

No, I don't get a reminder. Although we chose a particular date to send our letters, as the same date we moved into our home so many years earlier, so that's how I tend to remember!

My hubbie gets a text reminder about his dental appointments! I think that's a great idea, as most hubbies would forget (accidently on purpose!!)  , my practice don't bother, but then they know that being female, I can do the most difficult of things like writing on the calendar!!!


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

i've to write our next contactletter in next few weeks and so have been keeping on eye on this. One thing i have been thinking of is about changing how i write the letter. Up till now i've written it as though it's come from Boo, but as he's growing into a little person it feels wrong. I also think as he gets older and learns of his past he may not thank me for writing on his behalf. So this time i'm going to write it from me......what do you guys do? Any thoughts/suggestions?

xruthie


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Ruth

Our first letters were signed from us (our names) and just because I felt like it was a bit too familiar (like writing to a friend), I stopped that and changed to writing them from (my) Boo. She is obviously too young to write her own letters yet, but I think by next year I can ask her what types of things she wants me to write in the letter, and she can gradually become more involved in making the letters her own. She will also be able to sign her own name by then too!

I think it's entirely your choice. It's very much a personal thing, the letterbox, and it has to be what feels comfortable with you.
I am sure that (my) Boo may not agree with some of the aspects of our letterbox when she's old enough to have opinions on it, but in the meantime, I am doing what feels comfortable for me. Letterbox can be difficult to do at the best of times, so make it bearable for yourself, by going with your gut instincts.

x


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Hiya

We don't get reminders either Jill. 

I write from Bea... only because I don't want them knowing our real names and it's just easier to write from DD.  I've only done 2 so far.

We have received a Christmas card and birthday card, which aren't meant to be allowed? Has anyone else received these and let it go.  I don't want to appear too jobsworth and it actually doesn't bother me.  I know it can be confusing as they grow up but I plan to put them away until she's old enough to understand and then give them to her.. 

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi all

Well out of the blue the other day we received a letter from our DD adopted brothers Mum, DD has 2 brotheres who have been adopted by another couple elsewhere.

We have met this couple once and it wasn't a very good meeting to say the least.  The other Mum kept going on & on about how she wanted to adopt our DD and SS wouldn't let her......good reasons why but can't post on here!! 

This couple have since split up and moved not to far from us, about an hours drive........they used to live 4 hours drive away and the family couldn't drive so it was agreed we would do a one of visit & keep in touch by post.  Like I say the meeting didn't go to well & unlike our DS adopted brother family who we get on really well with this was an eye opener!! 

I religiously sent birthday cards and letters every year for the 2 boys and never received anything back in return.  DH was getting annoyed and so was I to be honest that it seemed to be all one sided.

I spoke to DD SW & told him I intended to stop doing these letters as I have never had anything in return and he agreed with me to stop them, this was 3 years ago & last Tuesay we received a letter and photo from the other Mum asking for contact.

I am really stuck as the letter she has wrote is asking for the boys to write directly to DD...............to be honest DD has never lived with them & does not know about them......it's not something we have kept from her but something that has never really come up in conversation, we tried once to talk to her about it and she just said our DS is her big brother & that was that......which is true!!

I don't think writing to DD is a good idea & I also feel the way the letter was wrote it's not really the boys asking to hear how our DD is but the other mum....................don't know what to do!!

Well I guess I do know what to do but would like some opinions please......................I'm thinking of doing a one of letter to the boys and a photo and explaining to the other mum that when DD is old enough and if she wants contact then we will help and support her in that decision, to tell the other mum to keep us updated with any change of addresses and we will do the same but other wise no contact & I know that sounds really harsh but I have to protect our DD & I don't think introduceding 2 new strangers into her life will help at the momnet.

It has always been our intention to tell DD about her 2 older brothers but the timing has never been right, part of me says now is the ideal opportunity to tell her but the other part tells me that i know my DD best and it will not help!!  

Love Andrea
xx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Andrea,
Couldn't agree with you more! I think your plan is spot on that is exactly what I would do. It's a tricky one do take care.
Love JD x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

thanks Jill - its always good to have a second opinion or two from your own & the fact that you agree with me makes me feel better!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Here, here !

Hi Andrea, yes I think you are spot on. Let's face it, you kept to your side of the bargain for 3 years, and she/they decided "not to bother". Why should she be allowed any rights to contact, just because she's now decided to?!  
Oh, pants to that!! I mean, what's to say she doesn't stop the letters again next year. No, she's messed you and DD around enough already.
Your plan seems just right. You are sending her a photo, and letter in response to hers. Which is fair. And in that giving her the choice to accept contact, if and when DD is ready to. 
At the end of the day, DD is your priority, and it has to be what feels right as her mum.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

a question to ask on this matter - do you hand write your letters or type them on the PC? Its much easier to do it on the PC as i've found myself writing/deleting/re-writing but wondered if it rather impersonal
what does everyone else do?

thanks

kj x


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## Lady Lucy (Sep 28, 2005)

Hi KJ
I haven't had to do one yet but was planning to hand write it, with a rough copy or 3 done first!
Cath
x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

I guess it's a personal choice. But I type mine up. It's quicker and easier (with spell-check!) and it can saved on my pc for future use.
I also prefer to keep my handwriting a secret, not that it's bad in anyway, but I worry about it being recognised, especially when I do quite a bit of handwritten stuff at work. Identity worry and all that!

I tend to keep a copy on file so that I can look it up when I'm doing the next's year's letter and check I;m not repeating myself. And also keep a "hard" copy in DD's letterbox box. So that when she's old enough to read through, she'll have the letter that we sent, along with any reply we get.


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

I type ours too. But Boo BF reply handwritten. I now also write it from us (me and DH) rather than from Boo, so it makes more sense to me as that's how i'd write any letter.....also i have terrible handwriting.

xruth


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

thanks guys..i have typed on PC to keep to refer to and have handwritten it out. good idea to have a hard copy in the files too...

the only thing i'm having trouble with now is how to finish it off! cant think of an appropriate way to wind it all up, really dont want to write 'look forward to hearing from you' to this particular person (its not BPs, you can prob guess who i'm having to write it to if you know our story ) i just need one line to finish 
oh it doing my head in..help!
kj x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

How about just ending the letter by saying something along the lines of..............thank you for reading this letter from ..... or we hope you've enjoyed reading all about......... from.........


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

fab superal.. i did just that..'hope you enjoyed all our news and seeing the photographs'
thanks x


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

We're still a little way off contact letter but this thread has been really helpful, I think that's it's likely we will ahve to write 4 letters (still awaiting the formal letter box agreement) so I will be word processing them. Superal your suggestions for how to conclude are great and I'm sure that I will be using them when the time comes.
Viva
X


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