# Staying over at the hosp when DW gives birth



## star78 (Nov 24, 2011)

Hi, just wanted to post on here and ask if anyone has been able to stay overnight with their partner at the hospital after she has given birth?

DW is 17 weeks pregnant with twins and wants to have a c-section. Something that is important to us both is that I am allowed to stay overnight with her once our babies are born. I want to be there to support her, bond with our babies and to help her look after them. Our midwife agrees that partners should be allowed to stay overnight, even if it's just in a chair next to the bed, but she said our local hospital does not allow partners to stay over! She said that it rarely happened and just depended who's on shift on the maternity ward!!

We're now looking at hospitals further afield in the hope that we'll find somewhere that allows partners to stay over. Just wondered what other people's experiences had been?


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## mutley18 (Feb 25, 2013)

Good luck with the pregnancy and safe delivery of your twins  

Unfortunately the 2 hospitals i worked in was also the same-depends on who was on shift.  I know Doncaster trialled partners staying over but not sure if this is still the case! 

Have you rung hospitals within travelling to ask them their policy?


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## star78 (Nov 24, 2011)

I've contacted PALS at various hospitals...we're going to have a tour of a maternity unit at a hospital 40 mins away on Saturday and the following Saturday we're going to look at one that's just over an hour away.

I can't go with the local one that may let me stay depending on who's on shift. The thought of leaving DW is just not an option! We made these babies together and we want to be there for one another and care for our babies together. I find it ridiculous that hospital staff think it's acceptable to send the partner home. All I want to do is be there to make sure DW is comfortable.


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## Pinktink (Dec 17, 2008)

Where about do you live? I am a midwife and you will find that most units do not allow partners to stay overnight. At my unit (I run an Mlu) we allow partners to stay but all our women are low risk and most go home within a few hours which gives us the room to offer this. 


On the general side there are some amenity rooms which allow partners to stay but are fairly pricey (£175 per night) 


We do try and be flexible for mums that need extra support eg twins or those feeling vulnerable but it is unfortunately not possible on a ward to cater for 35 mums, 35 babies (or more if twins are around) and 35 partners overnight - there simply isn't room! 


Hope you get some answers x


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

When I had DD, She was born at midnight, I then had to go to theatre for sometime (DP and DD came into theatre with me) then I was transferred to the ward at about 4am, DP came down with me but then was told she would have to go home as she was not allowed to stay. But she was only gone 4 hours before she was back again. I can see the practicalities of having so many people on the ward, the noise could be incontrollable at night. I also don't think I would have liked having other people's partners on the ward where I was staying. I did not like staying in a 4 bedded ward with other ladies and babies, I hardly got any rest.
I suppose if you were able to pay for one of the side rooms it would be different.
Could you look at a private hospital? Or is this not possible with a twin pregnancy?


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## star78 (Nov 24, 2011)

We're based in Stoke-on-Trent. I would happily pay to stay over. I just feel it is wrong to leave my partner overnight, she'll have had a c-section so won't be all that mobile I imgine, on top of that she'll be tired and overwhelmed that she's alone with 2 babies. I really hope we can find somewhere suitable...a MLU sadly isn't an option for us with it being  twin pregnancy


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## mutley18 (Feb 25, 2013)

It is a really unfair siuation and in an ideal world everyone would be able to stay over but unfortunately there isnt the room or staff to accommodate this. I do hope they let you stay given she is having twins and a c-section as she will need more support than staff can usually offer due to staff shortages!! 

If you can't stay just think its only a very short time compared to how much time you will have to support and care for your children and partner once they are home, dont let it spoil a wonderful magical time


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## Kezza78 (Jul 1, 2010)

I must be very lucky then because after DW gave birth I was allowed to stay with them till they were discharged!! DW went in to labour at 5pm, gave birth at 9am and wasn't discharged till 28 hours later. I didn't have a bed but the chair was fine. At our hospital your given a room so maybe this is why. I can't imagine not being able to stay!!! x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I'm a senior nurse in a nhs hospital - not maternity- I would say contact the Head of midwifery at your local hospital and ask to meet her, also don't forget your hospitals mslc a maternity parents forum advocating for parents who meet hospital mgt and put things to them to answer. Our mat amenity rooms are less than £100.


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## deemo (Oct 13, 2009)

I completely understand that you want to stay with them, but look at it from another perspective: it is also really important that you get a few hours sleep so that you are alert and can take great care of your new family in the hospital for the 18 hours or whatever it is that you are allowed on the ward. Much better to be useful for 18 hours than useless for 24. 


In our hospital, partners were also not allowed overnight. The midwives looked after us very well though and it was nice to have some kind of calm on the ward at night.


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## star78 (Nov 24, 2011)

Thanks for all the replies. Thankfully we have found a great hospital just over an hour away where I will be allowed to stay with DW after the birth. The midwife said we'd have our own room after the first night and if for any reason I can't stay the first night while she is in a 4 bed unit the hospital has a hotel on the floor above the maternity unit  

I feel much more positive about things now and we are both more relaxed knowing we can stay together


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