# Twiddling thumbs waiting for next IVF/ICIS cycle



## Shellebell

Does what it says on the tin


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## XxMichellexX

Hi


Just been through my 1st ivf which unfort ended in chem pg.
No matter how much i read or talked about tx, it was alot more stressfull that i thought.
Im now preparing for my 2nd tx in september and feel much more mentally prepared for it, but want to get my body in the best health that i can get it.
My plan in the next few months is:- Im going to be doing yogalates (mix of yoga and pilates) and i have a balance ball and a pilates dvd to go with it, so will be give that a go to.
- Eating healthy and keep up water intake
- Going to keep drinking (alcohol) down to a minimum. Have got a wedding in aug so will have a few then.
- Extra vitamins : pregnacare, B6, Q10, zinc and extra folic acid.


Is there anyone else doing the same?


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## ANGELA29A

Hi michelle, so sorry TX didnt work, we are getting ready for round 3 in September, trying to lose a bit of weight 1st, and get mentally prepared for the roller coaster ride all over again.
Ive cut down caffeine(only drink de caff coffee), hardly ever fizzy drinks, no alcohol, folic acid, no extra vit as yet might look into that one..xx


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## flutterbye bye

Hi Michelle

We have jst experienced our first ivf egg share, unfortunately I didn't produce enough eggs (6 produced 13 follicles). I also agree my 1st attempt has been awful. I had severe bloating stomach cramps from Stims and had to stay off work for the final week. We of course were gutted yesterday at egg collection and in between sleeping I cried. Poor DH doesnt know what to say or do. 

I didn't change my diet, I found it so difficult as I craved carbs. I drank plenty however didn't know until stimming that I should ace ideally cut out caffeine. So now alot of extra weigt and guilt that I probably haven't responded well due to diet. 

The clinic have said I get a free go, also they want 'me back Thursday for a Scan to ensure ovaries have gone back to normal size. The doc said i wouldnt need to take pill this time? Also can get started immediately? 
I am really confused still in pain after E/C and need advise on what I should and shouldn't be eating, in between the next cycle. Sorry to harp on and it's all about 'me thread. I read your post michelle and too am very sorry about your first cycle. Wish you all the luck for septembers. 

Stuck in limbo not knowing what to do for the best 

Flutterbye bye x x x


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## lambanana

I'm waiting to start in July/August and going a bit crazy in the process.  My first TX was pretty rubbish.  We'd had it built up so much by the clinic who seemed to think that my young age meant it would work and there'd be no issues.  I had 16 follies at EC but only 9 eggs, only 7 mature and then only 4 fertilised with only one being any good at day 3 and then I bled 4 days before OTD.  It was just awful.  I hated the clinic as well, it was so grim.  I've changed clinics though and am having another chance which after my first failed TX was totally unexpected as we only get one NHS go where we live but here I am...ready to have another go.  

I'm trying to get in the best shape.  I'm trying to eat a healthy, balanced diet but do need to get more water.  I'm taking B6, B12 and folic acid and trying to wait it out but I'm getting really nervous.  I want to think positively but it's quite difficult, I just want the TX over with and to know one way or another!  It's exciting though and I am grateful to be getting another go.


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## lollipops

Hi can I join the club too?!

I'm hoping to start treatment again in Aug/Sept. I know it's not reaaly that far away but it feels like it to me.
I've literally just had my 3rd tx abandoned as my little frozen embryo didn't survive the thaw (I had FET). I am gutted about this  
But, I knew having treatment with only 1 embryo would be a long shot but in my heart I hoped it would be 3rd time lucky for us.
Every cycle I have done I've always cut out all alcohol or caffiene (usually up to 3 months before treatment) I take Mum to Be Vits and my DH takes Dad to Be vits. I eat a healthy balanced diet but allow some treats as a girls gotta have something to look forward to right?! During treatment I eat Brazil nuts and drink pineaplle juice as this supposedly helps follies and lining , I also go to be with a hot water bottle on my tummy as this supposedly helps maintain a thick lining too. The only think I haven't yet tried is accupuncture , but mainly because its so darn expensive! 
My DH thinks the not drinking and cutting out caffiene doesn't make any difference and to be honest I doubt it reaaly does but I feel like I am contributing in some small way as having tx can leave you feeling very out of control.
I look forward getting to know you all whilst we wait for our cycles to start. Let's hope the weeks don't drag by for us! 

  Lolli x


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## April33

Lambanana, I just had to comment on how similar your first cycle was to mine! I also had my first cycle at Seacroft (I agree with you about the clinic by the way but that's another story!). I had 16 follicles at EC but only 9 eggs. I had 5 mature eggs (4 fertilised), with only one being good enough at day 3. I hope you don't mind me asking but do you mean that your next cycle at your new clinic is funded also?


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## ekitten1

Hi ladies,


Lambanana and April - I can't believe the 2 of you seem to have had bad experiences at Seacroft too! That place is horrible. I transferred to Care Sheffield before my first tx and so glad I did. Sadly my tx ended with a BFN but at least we got to give it a go. If I had gone with Seacroft my cycle would have probably been abandoned as the long protocol is not suitable for me....but aside from that, the staff are awful, the place is awful and the consultants.....say no more!!


I am hoping to start my next cycle at the end of this month, again using Short Protocol so just been working out that EC should be around 8-11th July if all goes well.


It's been quite an emotionally challenging time, but am finally now ready to go again.


Good luck to all of you xxx


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## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Can i join in?

Waiting impatiently for our review appt on the 25th July after a failed ivf in March. Deep down i blame myself worrying that i didnt do thinks right.. It has been a hard couple of months but thank god im getting over it.

Lolli how are you?

Jillyhen


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## lambanana

April33 - It's not an NHS funded cycle, we were really lucky to get a free cycle from The Lister Clinic as part of their free cycle draw earlier this year.  I am unbelievably grateful and everything about that clinic completely outshines Seacroft.  Even if I could afford to fund my own IVF cycle I wouldn't give a penny to that clinic.  It was an utterly miserable experience.


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## ANGELA29A

Jillyhen, im like you and blame myself, with top grade eggs, top grade fertilisation, then eggs dont takem has to be ,e!!1 we are awaiting cycle 3, getting very anxious waiting trying to lose a bit weight before hand, we should tx around auguat september.x

Lollipop, I cut out caffeine last tx, drank pineapple juice, tried hot water bottle to thicken lining, all to end with BFN, makes me wonder this 3rs tx to do the lot and say sod it!!! 
We have one egg frozen, so hoping for a FET, after next fresh tx, (Hoping it works, and wont need FET). good luck for cycle 4.

Hello to everyone else, and hope the wait is passing quite quickly.xx


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## Jillyhen

lambanana

I got that offer 2 but had to refuse as my bmi had to be below 30 and i cudnt guarantee that i would get down to that. Im raging that i gave it up as i had just started my ivf with rfc belfast.. Totally kicking myself now, i did tell the girl that i would try etc but that wasnt good enuf   

Angela

How are you? I put on weight during my 1st cycle just cant shift it at all.. Im hoping we get started again round aug/sept.. Suppose all depends  when we get re-activated on the waiting list again for self funded


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## April33

Lambanana - how fantastic to get a free cycle! Hopefully, your luck will continue throughout your next cycle!

Well I have booked my next nurse consultation on the 24th October so I can start the next cycle! I have mixed emotions - I'm excited to have booked another cycle of ICSI but I'm trying not to get too carried away because I can't guarentee I'll have the funds! It's a long story but basically I'm relying on getting some money back from an insurance policy in September but, for a variety of reasons, I'm worried the company is going to come up with some reason why they will not pay out, which would mean an agonising 2 year wait to afford another cycle.

So, whilst I want to do everything I can to get my body 'baby ready' I'm finding it a tough challenge to get fully motivated in case it's all for nothing. I kind of figure the more I do, the more excited I'll become and so if I don't get the funds it will be an even bigger disappointment. But if I don't do anything, I'll feel really guilty and I know I'll beat myself up if it doesn't work. Does that make sense?

I've booked my next cycle at the LCRM even though my first cycle was rather a disappointing experience! I'm interested in given Sheffield Care a try but my DH tends to like to stick with what he knows and I don't think he realises that not all clinics are the same. Plus the LCRM is really convenient for us and my DH reckons he couldn't cope with taking me all the way to Sheffield and back given the state I was in on my last EC day   Still, there's plenty of time for us to switch clincs, I'm guessing the waiting lists at Care will not be anywhere near as long as at LCRM!

Jillyhen & Angela29A - I too blamed myself after my first failed cycle. I'm determined to try to not be so hard on myself next time - not  sure how easy that will be!


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## lambanana

I think we will always blame ourselves for failed cycles (though I do blame the clinic for not upping my stims and banging on about me being at high risk of OHSS when I never showed any signs it was developing but my follies were not growing as they'd expect) and think what could we have done better.  I'm so nervous about cycling again and trying to get myself ready for it and healthy.

Jillyhen - I'm sorry you had to turn down their offer, it's such a shame that the criteria are so strict and I'm s thankful that we met it as the clinic does seem fantastic.


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## lollipops

Hello all,

Nice to see this thread getting busier! Lots of cycles in the pipeline for everyone. sorry I can't do a lot of personals as I'm at work but just wanted to say I'm still here! And will get round to reading all your posts soon! X

Jillyhen - hello you! How are you. I'm ok , plodding on as everyone on here seems to be! X

Quick question - has anyone gone through the process of changing clinics before? I'm planning on doing just that. I have been told I need to get copies of my notes, get re-reffered before a consultation can be booked in. Just wondered if its a smooth process? X


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## Jillyhen

Lolli

I was goin to change to another clinic but decided to stay where i was due to travel etc and also having to get al the tests redone.

Jillyhen


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## ANGELA29A

Jillyhen, im good thanks apart from this waiting...... We are lucky enough to have 3 free cycle on NHS, hence why we are waiting as legally you have to have 6 months between cycles. I put on a good half a stone on 2nd TX struggling to lose it!!!
April 33- Reckon we all blame ourselves one way or another, makes it easier to deal with when it fails.x
Lambanana- im nervous about 3rd tx,  my clinic after 2 attempts have now decided i need a cervical dilation, why havent they found this  out before!!! 2 wasted cycles I feel!!!!
Lllipops- hello, and sorry cant help with question about changing clinics, but hope you get it sorted.xx


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## Jillyhen

hey girls

Its so unfair, some areas are allowed 3 goes for ivf on the nhs and we are only allowed 1 in northern ireland..

I put on the same Angela and cant get it shifted.. Need a kick up the   !!


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## jo1985

hi ladies can i join u please , we in wales r only recently allowed 2 nhs go so i am now awaitin 2nd go phoned clinic today and in being called beginni july so should get letter soon , i had b crap first cycle didnt reprond well they wouldnt up drugs as my amh is high and afraid off ohss so i ended up with 2 eggs at ec and both failed to fertilise as weren best quality lookin forward to gettin going again now hoping for better results as this is nour last go x


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## April33

Welcome jo1985  

Calorie counting started on Monday, got about half a stone I want to get rid of before the next cycle. If only it was as easy to get rid of as it is to put it on


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## Ali7

Hi ladies 

Wondering if its ok to join you all.

I am in Glasgow and we are having a break as i have to get hysteroscopy done and then go on pill for 2 months for next cycle.  Hoping that will be around oct/nov.  Had appoint with consultant about hysteroscopy on fri.  He has previously treated me for lapor and cyst removal and was the one who diagnose severe endo(No idea as dont have any pain!!!) I know he is very good but talks about things like its as minor as having a wart removed.  He was reading over my file and mentioned that when they removed the cyct and biopsed it they discovered tubal tissue so he says part of my left tube was removed.  he then goes on to say my right tube looked like it was full of fluid but when they put dye through it it came out. he then says that he will contact doc at my clinic cause he thibks it woukld be best just to remove this tube at same time as hysteroscopy in case thats whats causing the failed implantations!!!!  I got really upset as although i know there is only a slight chance of me getting preg naturally if he does this then thats gone completely plus no one at fertillity clinic has discussed removing my tubes and just feel until they can give me a def answer as to this is whats causing the negative outcomes then dont really want to do that.  Doc says he will just do hysteroscopy at the m oment cause i was so upset.  Feel really confused about whole situation!!!

While we are waiting for next cycle my accupuncturist recommended a chinese guy who has had really good success with woman who have fertillity problems and a lot of them have managed to conceive naturally after his treatment so thought i would giv ethat a go while i am waiting.  I see him each week and go home with 5 bags of herbs which i have to boil up for 40 mins and then drink the tea!!  The tea tastes foul and it stinks!!!!But at this stage i am willing to try anything.  He reckons my womb is not a welcoming place and these herbs will help restore balance.  I have always had good grade embryos put in but its always been a bfn so hopefully he is onto something!!!!

Hi lollipops.  I changed clinics for my last try.  We are still on nhs waiting list but our hosp offere a private option with them which worked out about 3000. We did our first ivf with them but after our failed FET we decided to move to a private clinic.  The private clinic wanted to do their own ovarian and semen analysis but they did allow us to use our blood test results from the nhs.  i had to phone their legal services dept.  you could then write a letter or go up to collect the forms.  You then fill in what documents you want.  We had to get someone to witness my husbands form because info in your file would relate to him.(GP or employer can do it).  Forms then go back to legal and they request info from consultant.  thats the bit that can take time as consultant can decide when they bother to do this although there is a time limit on it.  They then write to you and tell you how much you owe them for pfotocopying.  I think it was about £12.  It took us about 4 weeks to get copies.  It was worth doing as it saved us a few hundred. Hope that helps

Alix


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## ANGELA29A

any tips to keep motivated between cycles, feel everything is on top of me at mo, and completely lost my mo jo :0(((


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## April33

Hi Ali7  

I'm with Angela29A - any motivation tips more than welcome!


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## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Mind if I join you? We just had our 3rd icsi and it ended in a ectopic pg  so we are now waiting to start our 4th tx and this time will be doing our 1st FET! I'm really nervous about this one because it's so different from the fresh cycles and I don't know what to expect!! 

We will hopefully be starting in November as we will get a NHS free cycle as I will be turning 30!! We have 11   so will be taking 8 out the freezer and hopefully will get a couple of blasts! Our clinic don't go to blasts on fresh ones so this is another change for us! I will be having a double dose of gestone to try and stop the early bleeding that I seem to get!! 

I'm really hoping that after getting a   this time that my body will respond nicely to the next one  !!! 

I'm looking forward to getting to know u all a little better, hope u are all well! 

Jess xx


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## April33

Hi Jess81  

     for your ectopic pregnancy.

We'll hopefully be starting our 2nd tx October/November time so I'm sure I'll be seeing you around FF over the next few months!


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## ANGELA29A

we are still waiting for a date for 3rd tx, just wish i knew when...come on hospital ring amd let me know!!!! arrrggghhh


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## April33

Hi Angela29A - do you have any idea how long it may take for the hospital to get back to you? Not too much waiting I hope!


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## ANGELA29A

not sure how long they will take to get in touch, will keep hassleing them...lol
How do we all deal with knowing it will be your final attempt... knowing this will be 3rd and final is difficult to get my head around.xx


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## LoopyMoo

Hi, Angela I think we've crossed paths before on FF haven't we?  Hope you hear soon from the clinic soon!

As for me well I'm currently waiting very impatiently for a f/up appt after our 2nd ICSI cycle failed in March.  We should hopefully then have our 3rd and final attempt in Sept/Oct.

I've been having acupuncture over the past couple of months and have attempted to start running again, although I've only managed to do it 3 times so far, oops!  I take a multi-vitamin and mineral supplement anyway, as I am vegetarian but have been trying to boost my intake of fruit and veg and fluid.

 to everyone waiting, it is soooooo frustrating!!!

Louise x


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## ANGELA29A

loopy moo, yes think we have, poss on feb/march cycle?? What multi vitamin supplements do you take, ??
finding all too much to cope eith at the mo, excited we will be starting again soon, scared, it will be last go, but we wont need any more it will work!!!!.xx


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## LoopyMoo

Bless ya for staying positive, I've lost all hope which is really terrible   In a way, as I am so pessimistic, I just want to get the last cycle done and then I can try to get my head round the whole thing and not feel like my life is on hold like it has been for the past 7 yrs.  Of course, there is nothing I want more than for it to work but it's so awful when it doesn't it's easier to not believe that it will. 

Louise x


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## Shellebell

Hi girls

We have set up a new board for those going for their last tx and all those questions/wobbles/extras questions you may have. Might help you get your head round it all and give you the best chance   
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=539.0


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## ANGELA29A

thanks Shelley, will take a look.:0))
Loopymoo - looks like our cycle may be earlier than expected, waiting for comfirmation on 26th july- now in a blind panic--- am i ready for this, is fate lending a helping hand, suddendly getting it throwm at us??.x


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## April33

I'm so excited for you Angela29! Here's to third time lucky!


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## ANGELA29A

thank you april, i go from over the moon, to completely down in the dumps, hopefully once we get a definate ok to start august 2nd i'll feel a bit better.xx


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## April33

I feel like I'm going slightly  

I feel totally ready now to start tx again but I won't be starting until at least October/November  

I so wish it was September so I knew for definate whether I'd have the funding for my next planned cycle. I feel like I'm wishing my life away!   

I'm so worried that I won't have the money, it's all I can think about at the moment! I'm trying to come up with as many contingency plans as possible! I've noticed that the LWC at Darlington have an offer on at the moment for egg sharing between July and September where you don't have to pay for blood tests, ICSI etc. and I am so tempted! However, I had a few issues with my last tx (basically my body seemed to overrule the drugs and released eggs before EC) and so I really wanted to try a full cycle with the modifications suggested by my current clinic before considering egg sharing to make sure I could increase the number of eggs available for EC. Plus, I know my DH will not want to change clinics. But if I don't get the money in September I know I will be kicking myself for not pursuing the egg sharing offer. Aaaargh!!!!


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## lollipops

April - hope you time comes soon hun! It's so frustating having to wait & I    you get the funding  

Angela - yes hope you start in August! That month will soon come round!  

Loopy - I can relate to your feelings. Thats how I feel about my next tx. It will probably be our last (unless we get frosties) and I want it done and out of the way so I can get my head round what to do next. I am quite negative about treatment too - I don't have alot of faith in it all and It seems so unrealsitic that I could ever be pregnant  

Jess- you have lots of frosties to play with there I am sure you'll do fine   I hope November comes around soon , but if you actually think about it there's only really 5 months till xmas! Eek thats scary!   So November will soon be here  

Ali - Thanks for the advice on changing clinics    Have took on board your advice! Good luck with the herbs - but remember that most clinics don't like you using them during or too close to tx as apparently it can effect the cycle.


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## April33

Thanks lollipops.

I spoke with my DH last night about the egg share offer at LWC Darlington. He was really open to the idea actually and we've decided to give it a go. We have our initial consultation on the 5th August.

I'm trying to stay level headed as I know there's a long way to go and I may not be accepted as a donor. However, I'm so pleased that I'm actually _doing_ something proactive! Waiting until September to find out if we'd have enough money to fund our own cycle and then having to wait until the end of October to have our nurse consultation was driving me . I know even if I'm accepted as a donor it may still take some time before I can start but it's got to be sooner than the alternative!

And if we get the money in September that will be an added bonus! I'd have money for a third attempt (second if I'm not accepted as a donor) - but hopefully I wouldn't need another attempt if I have this go !

The one thing I need to do now is try to get my notes from my current clinic. This is easier said than done (they are impossible to get hold of) and I am not looking forward to having to explain why I want them!


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## lollipops

April- That sounds an amazing plan! I wanted to Egg Share too but I don't qualify as I don't produce enough eggs  
But I hope you get accepted as its a wonderful thing to do and saves you some £'s at the same time!

As for your notes, you have a right to ask for copies. You don't have to explain why. In most cases they won't ask you anyway. I just called reception and told them I wanted to order copies of my notes and she transfered me to the admin department. When I spoke to the admin lady she told me there is a fee of £35.00 to get the notes & that they would send them out asap.

I knew they would charge as a lady on here told me most clinics do - bit cheeky of them really, and surely doesn't cost £35.00 to copy &post them but I tried to argue to fee but got no-where. I have heard some clinics charge less than mine, hopefully yours is one of them!  

I am pleased you have got a plan of action - life feels better when you have a plan! I hate being in limbo and not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel! My life seems abit like this at the moment! 

Love Lollix


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## April33

Thanks for the advice on how to get our notes from our clinic lollipops.

I gave our clinic a call on Friday (unbelieveably I managed to get through on the second attempt!). I was told I had to write to the Access to Health Records Department based at another hospital in the area to request copies of my records. I was told they would then let me know the procedure, which may involve filling in forms for my request and an admin fee.

I tried googling the department to see if I could get a telephone number to enquire how long it would take them to reply to my request etc. but they do not appear to have one (that I could find anyway).

So, I have written a letter to them (which was delivered to them on Monday). I hope they are efficient and don't take too long to reply!

I think I need to learn to have more patience!


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## ANGELA29A

April, i think with IVf patience goes out of the window !!!


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## lollipops

April-

Well I am not too sure about the way your clinic want you to go about going about getting your notes. Sounds a right old ca-fuff-le!  

Hope they reply to your letter soon hun  

Hello Angela - yes patience and IVF do not go hand in hand! Sept/Oct seems so far away for me!


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## April33

Got a form to fill in yesterday for our clinic notes. For a photocopy of our notes they are going to charge us *£50.00*! Plus it can take them up to 40 days from when they receive our completed form to provide us with the copies!

Here's hoping the time until our next tx goes quickly!


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## lollipops

April- Oh my word! £50 and a 40 day wait!    Jeez they really are milking it! I hope it doesn't take them that long, it shouldn't as they are charging you enough! 

Lolli xxx


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## Ruthie82

Hello All,

Is it OK for me to join?

I have just had a cancelled cycle after EC as egg/sperm didn't want to know each other!!! Dr has now decided ICSI is the way forward for us. Got to wait until 
October time. Its still a fresh wound so tears still a coming but hey thats life

I am doing same thing as most of you re healthy body, want to loose a bit of weight, but not stressing over that, will up exercise and hope it helps. 

£50 is a joke for a bit of admin!!

I am thinking what if this last attempt doesn't work, what next?

Has anyone else thought that far? What options have you come up with for if IVF doesn't work?

Ruth x x


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## Jess81

Hi Ruth, 
I just wanted to let u know that after all 3 of my icsi's have failed I have said I can't do this again but after a few days I'm like right when's the next one!! I think everyone wonders what if but u will work it out. We are doing number 4 in November and I think at some point we will just decide enough is enough. We have discussed adoption but we don't think it is for us. 

I know this prob hasn't helped u too much but I just wanted to let u know ur not alone and u can always talk to us. Ru having funded treatment? 

Welcome to the thread everyone is really lovely here.

Jess xx


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## Ruthie82

Hello Jess,

Yes we are having funded which is why it is our last try at the moment. If they had to cancel it again I don't think I could dpo it again.

I just want to curl up to be honest!!!

Instead I will get on the exercise bike, supposedly good when your feelin yuck, hmmm

Are you waiting to start again? Sorry if you've already said I'm not overly with it.

Ruth x x


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## Jess81

Hi Ruth, 
I totally know how u feel hun. the Tx we just did i was put on other drugs because i bleed on day 6 after ET no one knows why!! so i was put on gestone and your not supposed to bleed.... well i did and went mad! i really laid into one of the nurses that i had to call back the next day and appologise! we had funded this cycle ourselves and 5k is a lot of money!  i had been begging the clinic to do tests on me because they hadn't done any before!! I was like thats it i'm not doing it again, i promise you after you have stopped crying and then been angry you will feel better it never goes away and will you think about it all the time? yes you will. I promise you it does get easier. 

When i got my result and it was + i was in total shock but told not to get my hopes up!! so getting a + then told that we were like    how the blooming heck are we supposed to feel and we had another week to wait! we then had that result and it was better! great or so we thought!! I had a heavy bleed on the tuesday and was told i would have to wait until the friday more waiting!!! The consultant scaned me and i was told i had miscarried but should come back next week to double check..... more waiting!!! I went back because my HCG level was still rising i couldn't get my head round this! so we went back on the thursday and thats when i was told it was actually eptopic   . We had another meeting at the Early Pregnancy Unit (which is so where you don't want to be!!) and was given 3 options, we could leave it where it was as it wasn't growing anymore, I could haven an injection which would reject it or if the worst came to the worst i could have a laparoscopy but i might loose my tube. 

To be honest i'm not sure what i would have preferd have a + and then it's gone or know from the bleeding that it's done. It's been a very difficult journey for us but we are not going to give up yet! 

Trust me when i say you will get what u want it might not be in the next few months or even next year but you guys will work it out and decide what is best for you. 

if your clinic are doing icsi maybe ask if there is anything else they could do to help you like assisted hatching, Gestone instead of the pesseries... they may not do it but it's def worth asking. 

What clinic are you at? i'm in salisbury. Yes we are waiting to start again in November after my 30th we will be doing our first FET so it's all going to be new to me this time!! but less needles   

have you got anything nice to look forward too? 

Jess xx


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## Ruthie82

Jess,

Thank you so much for sharing your story How awful, I hope you are healing since the cycle and supporting one and other 

I am holding on to the fact that once the crying and some of the frustrating  has gone I will feel better.

I will ask my hospital, Guys hospital re assisted hatching and gestone. What is gestone? Sorry to ask.

We are thinking of booking a few weekends away and theatre etc to help pass the time. Do you have any good plans to keep you going?

Thank you again so much for sharing,

Ruth x x


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## Jess81

Hi Ruth, 
Oh your welcome hearing others story's do help!  Gestone is another progesterone support but comes in an injection! 

Yeah we have a holiday booked in September and a few concerts to go too! 

Don't forget we are all here for you to lean on for support! When u planning on trying again? 

Jess xx


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## Ruthie82

Thank you Jess,

I though gestone was injection form, thank you for confirming.

Where are you off to for your holiday? What concerts?

Thank you for your support Should be trying again October time, you?

Ruth x x


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## Jess81

Hi Ruth,
We are off to lanzarote for 10days 5* luxury and we can't wait!! 

We are going to see Lee evans next month and Brian Adams in dec which we are looking forward too! 

Yeah I actually found the gestone not painful at all! When I saw the size of the needles and I won't lie to u they are massive!! But because they have to be done quickly I think the little ones hurt more then them! 

We are hoping to start again in November after my 30th! But might be more like dec!! Depends on when AF rears her ugly head!!! 

Jess xx


----------



## ANGELA29A

so jealous of all your jetting off on lovely hols, we are off to  Costa de Caister-on-sea, our hometown..lol


----------



## lollipops

I'm jealous too - no holiday for me either...maybe a trip to see the inlaws in Southend but that's about it   Hardly a hoilday though! Or perhaps a day trip to Skegness , thats the nearest beach to where I live  

Hello Ruthie (It's  me from Bud's and Blooms)  - Pleased you have found a new home whilst you wait to start again & I think we will be close cycle buddies if you start in October.   

Hello girls!


----------



## Ruthie82

Jess - Wow sounds like a lovely holiday. Thank you for the warning re needles, why did they agree to let you use gestone rather than pessaries?? Might give me 
some hoping chance he he

Lollipops - Yes I recognised your name, funny how you found others again isn't it Yes depending when AF rears her head (it should be second week in October) 
same week as our wedding anniversary! Ha, last year I was in hospital, this year AF and pending treatment ha ha!! Bet hubby's thinking I'm in there...not!! I should
start dr around my birthday, end of October joy!!

We were hoping to get away, but some unexpected bills have come our way Perhaps we will get a couple of long weekends in before treatment. We have a spa 
weekend we just need to decide when. I have said I want to wait until the dreaded bleed comes so I can enjoy the spa to the full

Ruth x x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ruth, 
I'm not sure why they agreed to be honest I just asked and they said yes!! It might have been because I was on my 3rd go but I'm not sure... Well worth a go if u ask me! 

Wow I love a good spa weekend! Got to loose a few pounds before I do one of those again! Lol!! 

Hope everyone has a nice weekend planned

Jess xx


----------



## Emmib

Hi Lolli - not stalking you lady x

Hello all the other ladies x


----------



## Praying4asibling

Hey ladies,

Well I am possibly starting another tx in September. We are still in the deciding stages. We have had 2  failed cycles and at our last consultation we was told our chances of conceiving are less than 10% :-(

I wish we knew our way forward. The thought of no children in our future is heart breaking. 

Xxxx


----------



## lollipops

Hi Emmib! My personal stalker! Lol! Have you got dates for your next cycle?

Ruthie- I'm the same, tx always falls in my birthday, which is October! Rubbish really isn't it! Let's hope October hurries up for us!

Freeze - don't loose hope, a chance is still a chance!  

Hello to the rest of the gang.xxx


----------



## April33

Wow there's been a lot of activity over the weekend! I only get to check FF during the week so I have lots of catching up to do!

I should have started work ten minutes ago so I must rush but just wanted to say a quick hello to Emmib, freeze and Ruthie82


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello ladies, hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Jess - Definitely worth asking I agree

Hello April, hope work goes OK!

Lollipops - what date is your b'day?

Freeze - As lolli said don't loose hope 10% is still a %. Have you thought of alternative therapies? I've started thinking about it, hmmmm.
I know what you mean re the thought of no children, since our follow up, I have contemplated that awful thought, first time I've given in to the thought fully. We 
shouldn't think like that, but hard sometimes isn't it?

 to everyone


----------



## lollipops

Ruthie - 10 th October is my birthday and I just know i'll be having tx by then. Thats just my luck!   Still if it works it will be the best present ever!  

Re- the chat about being childless, I think we have all had that thought cross our mind at some point, it's not nice to think that way but I think its only natural. I must admit I do often wonder what I would do if this just doesn't work?! I have to face facts and come to terms with the fact that this next go is possibly our last as we simply can't afford another go (unless we get any frosties but given my ovarian reserve I am not holding out much hope).
I am quite thankful that both myself and DH are open to adoption but I feel the need to have one last blow out on tx to satisfy my urge. I hope against all hope that come Christmas I am pregnant. I don't know about you ladies but I can't imagine that day, I try to picture myself with a bump and it doesn't seem real somehow, does anyone else feel like this?

Love Lolli


----------



## Praying4asibling

Lollipops - Hon it is so hard to try and imagine yourself pregnant.  I see pregnant people all the time and I just think they are so lucky and why oh why can't that be me.  I am quite a bit older than you and Ruthie infact 10 years older!! infact I am nearly 39!  I didn't get married till I was 36 and stupidly thought I would get married and within a year would be preganant! Oh how life did not work out that way!!  I wish my DH would be more open to adoption as at least then if we do go for this again and we are not lucky enough to fall pregnant I have that as a life line to having a family.  Maybe my DH will change his mind, who knows!?

Ruthie - My first tx I tried acupunture and I managed to get 4 eggs but last tx I didn't do acupunture and only got 2 eggs so if I do go again I will try acuputure and anything possible I feel that may makes thing work - any suggestions?

When do you think you ladies will go for tx

Love and hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## lollipops

Freeze - That's a real shame your DH isn't keen on adoption but perhaps if you get to that hurdle he'll think differently. But lets hope you don't get to that stage either   It isn't stupid to fall in love and presume you'll fall pregnant, as for many thats exactly what happens. It's just a shame that its not the case for everyone.
I use to think I had age on my side but when in actual fact I have been told my ovaries are 12years ahead of me. Therefore I don't get as many eggs as perhaps someone in my age  range would. It was a huge blow for us but people have to deal with much much worse so I try to stay humble and thankful for what I have got. 
It's never easy to get through this journey and like you I find myself looking at pregnant women and feeling upset and if I am honest a tad jealous. I use to beat myself up over feeling like this but now I have come to realise that it's normal, well normal for people like me/us. I feel so sorry for you ladies who have to keep battling against infertility, I wouldn't wish this curse on anyone....this will be my fourth attempt and I don't know if I can carry on after this, I admire those that can,they are stronger than me and I respect them hugely.
Lets hope our times coming , for one and all


----------



## April33

Hi ladies  

Still trying to catch up with all the chat!

Ruthie82 -   it's natural to feel raw after a disappointing cycle. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to try to come to terms with what's happened. It's great that you and Jess81 have nice plans and something to look forward to, which will hopefully help the time until your next tx to pass by quickly.  

Freeze - I cannot imagine a life without children, it scares me so much when I think about that possibility. I'm hoping I've still got a few years left to have my much wanted family but I can't help skipping ahead in my mind and imagining what it will be like if my journey's over without children. It torments me often!

Lollipops - I also can't imagine myself pregnant, especially after all these years of trying. I think the day I see a positive test I'll fall off the toilet and do myself an injury  

Luckily I got a letter from my clinic over the weekend that summarises my last cycle and the recommendations for my next cycle so I'll be able to take this information with me to my initial consultation if I do not get my notes in time.


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello,

I am scared to not imagine having a baby bump. I will only stop believing and seeing that bump when I can't go through this anymore. Everyone is different so I totally understand all sides.

I met hubby at station after work yesterday and there was a big pregnant women there!! I thought you lucky b****, but then I thought, how do I know she is lucky? I don't know her. We always have to remember there is always someone worse off.

I may try reflexology? I am studying it at the moment so can see how it could work. 

Freeze - I am trying in October time. I hope to be pregnant for Xmas, hope and  . I hope and   anyone else trying before then is pregnant too

I haven't got age on my side even though I am younger than some people, I did not produce enough big eggs during last cycle. Hospital think it is to do with the operations I have had.

Ruth x x


----------



## April33

Hi Ruth - I think your positive attitude is great! I wish I had a little bit more   sometimes! Other people go through fertility treatment and get pregnant - there's no reason why I shouldn't be one of those people - but I find it really difficult to keep the faith sometimes. 

I get incredibly jealous of people who are pregnant but you're right - you never know what other people have gone through. They may have had their struggles too, something that is easy to forget. But I think it's natural in our position to feel a little envious when someone has got something that we want so badly.

One thing that does worry me is my age. When I mentioned this at my follow up appointment I was told that I was one of the younger people that they have treated and they were unconcerned but that doesn't stop me worrying, particularly when each tx needs is so expensive!


----------



## Ruthie82

April - Believe me I'm all talk, I certainly don't practise it all the time ha ha!!

I think we all have our insecurities with this whether its our age, past experiences, health issues or new findings along the way.

Big  

Ruth x x


----------



## April33

Age is definetely my major insecurity!

I think the problem is that so much is said about fertility declining over the age of 35. And all the clinic success rates seem to be divided up so that the first range is below 35. I'm going to be turning 35 next year and I know it's really stupid because it's not like I'm going to wake up on my 35th birthday to find my fertility has significantly dropped overnight but sometimes it's difficult to think that rationally isn't it?


----------



## Ruthie82

April,

Yes it is hard to think of anything rationally during all this!! Try to keep strong and positive, easier said than done I know!!  

Ruth x x


----------



## lollipops

April, I agree with Ruthie, don't worry about it, the madness of ivf can make us   at times. Try not to look to much into the 'age bracket' thing. I believe its more to do with personal infertility problems. 
I was told that if I had 3 attempts of ivf they were pretty certain I'd fall pregnant due to mine & DH's age.  Well they were wrong! DH's sperm went from ok to way below average and theyfound out I had a low ovarian reserve. So I've been on FF now for 3yrs & seen ladies (the majority older than me) get their BFP'S. 
So don't worry about it. It works for people from all walks of .lufe, I don't think its right we are all divided into categories.

X


----------



## Praying4asibling

April I worry about my age too, I am 38 but much closer too 39. But like the other girls have said I have also seen ladies my age and older get bfp's. I think it is down to your individual fertility issue. 

Xx


----------



## April33

Thanks ladies.

You're right (as usual)   

All the tests that I have had, to date, have revealed no significant issues and, at this moment in time, I have no real reason to really worry about my fertility. I know I'm very, very lucky and in a much better position than a lot of other ladies but paranoia sneaks up on me sometimes! That's when I rely on you ladies to help me see sense!


----------



## Jess81

Hi April, 
I totally know how you feel, I think we all worry about different things at times. I haven't had any tests as my clinic say there is no need as we have male fertility issues! 

I have bled 6 days past transfer all 3 times we have had ICSI!! they still don't think there is any need for tests! i think otherwise but they won't do them so what can i do! they did change my medication and they did introduce assisted hatching so at least they are looking into different things. 

Hope you are feeling a bit better about it all now, it does get easier i promise! 

Jess xx


----------



## April33

Hi Jess,

How frustrating that your clinic won't do any tests when you would like them! If everything came back fine then I'm sure that would be a weight off you shoulders. If there was an issue at least you'd know about it and hopefully they'd be able to do something about it. It's good that they are looking into trying new things though. 

I'm glad it gets easier! I must admit I feel I have learnt a few things from my first tx and there are things that I did then that I don't intend to do this time around (mostly to do with the 2ww)! No pee sticks, no symptom spotting etc. (although I can't guarentee I'll still be saying the same closer to the time)!


----------



## April33

Hi ladies,

Been rejected as an egg donor  

I always knew there was a chance that I could get rejected but this has hit me hard.

Got to wait now to see if I'll have the money to fund my own cycle later on in the year.

If I don't get the money I really don't know what I'm going to do.

I can't accept that I may never be a mother but this scenario is looking very likely to me right now


----------



## Jess81

Oh April I'm really sorry to hear your news Hun. I really hope you find the funds to be able to try again. I know it's not easy to save that sort of money quickly we had to fund our own earlier this year.

I know this is cleache but you will get your funds when the time is right for you and fingers crossed you will get your babys. 

Jess xx


----------



## Ruthie82

April - So sorry to hear your news, big  . I know you don't want to hear it right now but like Jess said when the time is right it will happen. Thinking of you.

Hello to everyone else, hope your all well

Ruth x x


----------



## lollipops

April - oh no, why did you get refused to be an egg donor? I wanted to do an egg share cycle but I don't produce enough eggs, so I got refused too.
We have been saving for 3 years for 1 shot at IVF privately, its such a huge amount of money to everyday people and it infurates me that they make such high profits out of it all. I do know that if your source your own drugs it can help keep the costs down. Perhaps abroad? I haven't looked into too much but I have heard people mentioning its cheaper but I suppose you do have to factor in the costs of flights and accomodation. 
We were lucky and got our goes on the NHS but we continued to save some moeny incase come the end of the NHS goes we were still without a baby, so it pains me to cough up the 6k its going to cost us but I need to have 1 shot privately before I throw in the towel. 
Is there anyone in your family who could lend you some cash? I know thats not everyones ideal situation but I can imagine how lost your feeling right now.
You will be a mother one day! Of course you will, its just a long hard battle but you will get there!


----------



## Kimbers101

Hi Ladies

Can i join you please?  I had my first ICSI June which ended with a BFN.  We have decided to go again quite quickly, i start DR on the 20th August.  This will be our last funded go. I have been spending my time since the last tx looking for things i could do differently to increase my chances but have become tired with all the conflicting advice!

April - I am sorry to hear your news.

Jess - i was the completed opposite, i had every test under the blinking sun by my local hospital before being referred to one which undertook fertility treatment. My DH was found to have ASA - still they wanted me in for a post-coital. I don't understand why your clinic would want to know everything about for fertility before undergoing treatment.  I would keep on to them - i am a nag though!

xx


----------



## April33

Welcome Kimbers101  

Thanks for your support ladies.

Basically, during my last cycle I responded to the stimulating drugs really quickly. By my day 8 scan (7 Menopur injections) I had 16 large follicles. They considered triggering ovulation that day but decided against it as they were concerned that it was too early and that the eggs may be immature. So ovulation was triggered on day 10. At EC I had only 9 eggs recovered, 4 of which were immature. However, there was evidence of post maturation and that eggs had been present in the other follicles. So for my next cycle I have been recommended a stronger drug for down regulation and triggering of ovulation on day 8, certainly no later than day 9.

I know I didn't get many eggs last time but I was confident that I could get more eggs this time with the recommended changes to the cycle.

However, the consultant I saw on Friday was concerned that the eggs that I produced would be of poor quality given how quickly I responded last time, which is why he wouldn't accept me on the egg sharing scheme. 

Unfortunately, I have no family members who are in a position to lend me the money for another cycle.

My DH has a phobia of hospitals, doctors etc. and it can be a nightmare for him trying to go to the clinic for our appointments - I know there's no way that he would be able to travel abroad for treatment, particularly with the possible language barriers.

Just got to try to keep positive


----------



## Frindabelle

Hi everybody  
I have been away for a while, I feel like nobody _really_ understands what i'm talking about whilst in between treatments despite empathetic nods etc..  
We are hoping to get to Norway for treatment next year so I'm just limboing about hiding from pregnant people lol! Look forward to hopefully getting to know you
Frin 
xxxx


----------



## lollipops

April- It is so true you do have to stay    , its the only way to try and deal with it! You will get through this and find a way  

Frind- Hello! Love that I am not the only one dodging away from pregnant people! That's become a bit of a hobby of mine at the minute. I just can't stand the way my heart breaks after a pregnancy annoucement so I find myself trying to avoid anyone who I think may be trying to get pregnant! Crazy really but its the only way to preserve my sanity! I also brought a puppy, strangley having the pup has taken some of the lime-light off treatment and given me something else to focus on for a bit and he makes me smile!   Which is a result in itself!  
Know your not alone in your hiding from pregnant people! My B/F is 14 weeks pregnant and I struggle to accept it. I love her to bits but all she talks about is the baby and it just hurts so much that she's on her 2nd and I haven't even made one single baby! It's not her fault, she's only behaving like any other excited mum to be but I have created myself some distance from her to help me focus on my own life for a bit. I am quite lucky that she doesn't live near me too. I have found over the years that seeing friends/family pregnant is worse than when the actual baby arrives, don't ask me why but I can cope alot more around a baby than a pregnant women!


----------



## Frindabelle

Hi Lollipops,
You sound just like me! in my pic is our 'puppy'  We got her just before our first IVF to take our minds of it, she is like a spoilt baby now though! lol! I have had to hide ALOT of baby/pregnancy related status updates on ********, I just couldn't help but feel destroyed everytime I saw it    even though they have the right to post what they like, I didn't want to delete anyone but equally soemtimes your need self preservation don't you?

My friend lives down the road from me and I haven't spoken to her for about 3/4 weeks now   
but equally she hasn't spoken to me either lol nightmare!


----------



## lollipops

Frind - wow your ''puppy'' is a big girl! she's beautiful!   I love G.Sheperds!   
I have come off F/B altogether - I did it about a year ago as I couldn't bare logging on and seeing yet another pregnancy announcement. I feel loads better for deleting my profile. I think what this IVF journey has shown me that you just don't know who else is going through this IF nightmare, and if I should ever be lucky enough to fall pregnant I would be very tactful in how I announce it and who I talk to about it.


----------



## April33

Hi Frindabelle  

I too distance myself from pregnant ladies and those with young children. I used to feel really guilty about it and felt like there was something wrong with me, that I should be able to cope. I now know lots of people in my position feel the same way and act the same way I do and it's perfectly normal to behave in this manner.

I suppose my behaviour may seem selfish or rude to others but I've got to the stage where I really don't care - my first priority is protecting myself!


----------



## Frindabelle

My husband spoils her rotten! I think she's his 'baby'  I have a little black cat like yours April! shes 7yrs old and still so teeny! 

I used to really beat myself up about feeling a bit resentful and angry towards other peoples pregnancies, and boy the guilt was overwhelming and feeling like you're abnormal for feeling the way you do, it's nice to be able to chat to people who totally 'get' what I'm saying
xxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello Ladies,

I agree with you all and I too can cope better with seeing a baby than pregnant people. No thats probably not true as when we went through our first go a guy at works wife brought in their new born baby and I couldn't have anything to do with it. Like some of you I use to feel awful for feeling this way however now I no I have to protect myself and put myself first totally. 

What I've learnt with this IVF is you need to do what is right for you, your not hurting anyone just protecting and looking after yourself and if doing these things helps along our journey then we shouldn't feel bad doing them

Ruth x x


----------



## April33

The little black cat in the photo isn't mine, although I do have one that looks identical to that one! I haven't worked out how to upload my own photo yet (I'm not very technically minded!). I have six cats in total, one hamster, two degus and a rabbit  

I was so tempted to get a puppy after my first tx but managed to resist the urge, my house is full!

I so need to get pregnant to 'cure' my urge to adopt little, cute, furry animals


----------



## Frindabelle

lol! i know what you mean, I adore cats, seriously. I will end up the stereotypical cat lady if i don't have kids


----------



## lollipops

I love cats too- I have one! And shes my little baby! DH always jokes that I 'll end up a mad cat women!


----------



## April33

I've just had my next nurse consultation moved from the 24th October to the 2nd November. Apparently, the nurse is on annual leave on the 24th October - how dare she go on holiday?  

Anyway, AF will be due around the 27th October. I need to take my down regulating injection on the first day of my cycle, so it looks like I'll miss the chance to start in October and will have to wait until around the 24th November. Which means, if everything goes according to plan, I'll most likely be on the 2ww over Christmas! No partying for me over the festive period!


----------



## Ruthie82

April - How annoying, can't you ask to see snother nurse? Or would you rather wait?

Ruth x x


----------



## April33

Hi Ruthie82,

Nurse consultation appointments are like gold dust at my clinic!

I could have had an appointment on the 3rd October (I guess they'd had a cancellation) but I can't be sure I'll have the money to pay by then so, unfortunately, I had to turn it down. 

I didn't want to risk taking the earlier appointment and then having to cancel because I couldn't afford it, as I had a four month wait for the original appointment and didn't want to end up back at the beginning of the waiting list again!  

Have a nice weekend ladies!


----------



## Faithope

Hi, may I join?

I have just had my first BFN from ICSI   and it hurts   DH and I want to do FET but DH wants to wait till January   I want to start in November. I can se why he wants to wait, I just want to get going again. I am going to ask if I can have afew months of Clomid (but backwards in the scheme of things) so I feel like we haven't 'stopped'. We have conceived naturaly once which ended in miscarriage   I am hoping a miracle will happen in the meantime.

I feel lost and have 'itchy' feet, this is normal right?

I hope to get to know you all xxx


----------



## Ruthie82

April that is understandable

Welcome Faithope - I remember you from June/July. It is totally normal to feel lost and have 'itchy' feet, I feel totally the same. I'm trying to be strong and positive but every now and then it gets to me. I think about it all daily what ifs, why last one cancelled etc. Big  

Hello to everyone else

Ruth x x


----------



## Faithope

*Ruthie*  I remmeber you too, sorry that we are meeting like this  xx


----------



## April33

Hi Faithope  

Sorry to hear about your BFN  

After my BFN I would have started another cycle as quickly as possible, if circumstances had allowed. However, in hindsight, I think it's probably a good thing that I wasn't able to start again straight away as I needed some time to come to terms with what had happened and recover from the stress and all the emotions.

I definetely know what you mean about not wanting to feel like you have 'stopped'. I'm happier when I feel like I'm doing something, even if things don't work out as least I feel I've tried.

My DH had a semen analysis a few days ago and, whilst the results still indicate we need ICSI, it's the first time a consultant has said that we could still conceive naturally with the results, it just may take longer than normal (being trying ttc for 6 years so I'm not overly optimistic!). However, I have just bought myself a Clearblue ovulation monitor to try to increase our chances - I've probably wasted my money but at least I feel like I'm doing something positive, if that makes sense.


----------



## Ruthie82

Faithope yes true Hopefully it will end on a high though

April - Thats good re hubby's analysis I understand 6yrs is a long time but on the upside there is hope Fingers crossed for a natural conception before cycle

If buying an ovulation monitor helps you then do it. What I've learnt in this process is we need to do what we need to to protect ourselves and keep our stress levels down My hubby's Nan commented on how much more relaxed I've been since all this began, which was nice to hear from someone else as it is something I have changed due to all this 

Ruth x x


----------



## Faithope

*April* Thats great news that you can try naturaly  don't give up (or do give up subconciously as I did and got a BFP  just a bummer it didn't stick around ) I have a CBFM-I haven't used it since last december, I want to start using it again DH doesn't but we are still trying so at least we haven't stopped altogether.

*Ruthie*  Hi xx


----------



## popsy1

Hi. 
After getting through the 2nd BFN in July we are planning to start again in September. I removed some of my previous posts because I was upset by some remarks by others. They probably were not even aimed at me, but it was most probably the drugs and hormones which made me much more sensative and I took it all to heart.
Anyway, I wonder if anyone else is planning to go through it all again. I am 40, had one IVF and one ICSI. Consultant has no reason why it should have failed, but suggested next time to use a blood thinning injection. (last time she suggested Asprin, which didnt work either). It makes me cross that they tell you things to try NEXT time. 
I notice that some ladies seem to find out during their 2ww if their Oestrogen (i think thats right) have dropped, (what the Cyclogest is for), and some ladies have been given Prontogest injections instead. Does anyone know about this? I asked my cons and she said I was on the full dose of Cyclogest and didnt offer any alternative. I didnt have any levels testing during the 2ww either. Have I got the wrong end of the stick? (and I dont mean THAT stick!)
(I am also not sure how to get all my history dets on my profile- can anyone guide me?)


----------



## L_ouise

Hiya Popsy 

I'm hoping to start again in September, just need to run it by my consultant 

I know what you mean about the whole "next time" thing. My clinic didn't make any suggestions for us after our previous failed cycle - just "try again and if it doesn't work then you need donor sperm"... gee thanks  

You see the "Home" tab at the top with orange around it? A couple along it says "Profile" - hover over that and click on "Forum Profile". Scroll down a little until you come to "Signature" and in the box in that section, type your history or whatever


----------



## April33

Hi ladies,

Hope you're all ok!

Please be warned, I'm about to have a little rant!

Our HR lady is fully aware of my situation as she was informed prior to my first tx cycle. Every so often she'll ask how things are going and on the past couple of occasions she's asked me whether I've looked on the internet because she's adament there are charities offering free IVF (I think she's getting confused with egg sharing schemes). I've politely told her this isn't the case but she's convinced otherwise!

Anyway, after being asked this again earlier on today, I told her that the only way I would be having another tx cycle is if I had the money to pay for it and I was keeping my fingers crossed that I'd get the money for another go next month. I then had a bit of a moan about how I'd have another two cycles on the NHS if I lived a few miles away (I don't begrudge anybody having three NHS funded cycles, I just think the system should be fair and we should all get three funded cycles). I told her how frustrating it is that the technology is there that could help us have a baby but, at the end of the day, it all comes down to money. Our chance to have a family depends so heavily on whether we can afford it or not.

She then proceeded to tell me she knew exactly how I felt because she was wanting to have her fence painted! Her husband made a start but found it too difficult and she doesn't have time to do it so they have paid someone to paint the fence. But if she didn't have the money, then what would she have done? So, she's agrees with me that everything comes down to money but, apparently, that's life!

This was a few hours ago and I'm still in shock! I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry! I can honestly say I never thought I'd have my struggle to afford tx cycles so that I can have a much longed for baby compared with the potential struggle to get a garden fence painted! 

I know people generally do not understand what we're going through unless they've been through it themselves but I cannot believe this level of insensitivity!


----------



## Faithope

*April*  I don't think shes insensitive-I think she is plain THICK!! Some people will never understand infertility, the costs involved, the emotional strain, the heartache-I could go on but you understand what I am getting at.  for you hun xxxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

April the HR lady is a simply an imbecile!!! She hasn't got a Danny so the saying goes. You can't compare waiting for DIY to be done to wanting to love and cherish another life! She should get of her backside and paint the fence herself - at least she had the choice to paint the beeping fence alone unfortunately we need support and medical help! Like Faithope said its not about being insensitive, it goes deeper than that. you have every right to feel flabberghasted!!! Once you have run through the feelings don't waste another second on letting her get you upset she's not worth the energy, put that energy into IV positivity BIG hug 

Ruth x x


----------



## Shellebell

popsy1 said:


> Hi.
> After getting through the 2nd BFN in July we are planning to start again in September. I removed some of my previous posts because I was upset by some remarks by others. They probably were not even aimed at me, but it was most probably the drugs and hormones which made me much more sensative and I took it all to heart.
> Anyway, I wonder if anyone else is planning to go through it all again. I am 40, had one IVF and one ICSI. Consultant has no reason why it should have failed, but suggested next time to use a blood thinning injection. (last time she suggested Asprin, which didnt work either). It makes me cross that they tell you things to try NEXT time.
> I notice that some ladies seem to find out during their 2ww if their Oestrogen (i think thats right) have dropped, (what the Cyclogest is for), and some ladies have been given Prontogest injections instead. Does anyone know about this? I asked my cons and she said I was on the full dose of Cyclogest and didnt offer any alternative. I didnt have any levels testing during the 2ww either. Have I got the wrong end of the stick? (and I dont mean THAT stick!)
> (I am also not sure how to get all my history dets on my profile- can anyone guide me?)


Hi

I have moved your post into this thread

BTW here is a thread on how to do the signature etc 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=190482.0


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## Jess81

Hi popsy1, 
I'm sorry to hear about your 2nd BFN! After my 2nd I went mad and pretty much demanded they change things! So they offered us assisted hatching and I pretty much demanded I have gestone injections instead of the pesseries! 
Some clinics will offer steroids but ours wouldn't but it might be worth asking for all of the above! They can only say no after all. 

Hope you manage to get it sorted it's horrible that they make you wait for everything! 

Jess xx


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## April33

It's good to rant sometimes! I think I'm getting it out of my system now and I'm just trying to  at her stupidity!

Hello popsy1  .   on your BFN


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## Ruthie82

April that lady is ignorant thats the polite way of putting it Good way of dealing with it all lauging good on you

Hello to everyone else

Ruth x x


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## popsy1

Hi all. Hope you are all having a better day today. 
Louise it will be great if we are "going through it" at the same time in Sept. I am expecting to start inj about 15th or so and on the short protocol. Thanks for the pointer how to navigate this site. I have updated my dets.
April, i know what you mean. If it was easy as painting a fence we would all go to B & Q. She obviously has no idea about what you have been through. Also, I think she may have got confused with that lottery thing that never got off the ground.
Thanks Shelley for moving me here. much appreciated.
Jess, so sorry about your ectopic. Its so sad you got that far. I hope it all works out for you xxx
I have started taking that Pregnacare. After years of popping folic acid pills a recent blood test showed I had far too much in my system, so I laid off them for a while, and now going to try an all in one tablet. On my July tx I forced myself to eat pineapple (which I really don't like), but that obv didn't help (nor did the acupuncture). 
Is anyone else trying a magic concoction for their next go?


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## Ruthie82

Hello Popsy - Sorry to hear about your two bfn, its ridiculous our postcode determines how many if any funded goes we have, its unfair! 

We are looking to start October time more towards the end, dependent on cycle, second and final funded go, icsi (IVF first time)

I am taking around 15 vitamins a day took a month or so off of them now back on them, I will have brazil nuts and I have fresh pineapple juice every morning anyway even before IVF. I will be rattling by the end of it all!!

Ruth x x


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## popsy1

Thanks Ruthie, thats a great idea, pineapple juice rather than whole pineapple. I will give it a go. (Have to avoid nuts so I probably miss out on loads of benefits from them). xxx


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## Ruthie82

Popsy - Yes you can get 100% fresh pineapple juice from most supermarkets Don't worry re the nuts, some people don't do anything extra and are fortunate enough that it works. I think trying all these things makes us feel like we're doing all we can and give us some control back!! He he

Ruth x x


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## April33

I didn't realise that you could have too much folic acid in your system. I take a folic acid supplement and a vegetarian multivitamin (which also contains folic acid)! Perhaps I should take one or the other. Once I know I'm definetely starting again in November I think I'm going to switch to Pregnacare. I believe there's something similar for blokes - I've currently got my DH on zinc tablets but I'm thinking of switching him over to the male equivalent once we get the go ahead!


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## Ruthie82

I too am the same on folic acid and pregnacare, I will continue with it for the next cycle then decide from there

Ruth x x


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## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
I'm not taking anything at the momment! i was going to wait till i come back from hols then start taking sanatagoen mother to be! ironic isn't it! 
i haven't ever had barizil nuts and pineapple juice and it sort of worked last time for me! i don't really think there is anything for definate that does help.... but it def helps us thinking that we have done everything possible! 

Jess xx


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## popsy1

Hi all, I'm still twiddling my thumbs and will hopefully start mid Sept. Have contacted my acupuncture lady, and she has stopped working in my area, so I have another person to call this week. Bit fed up of trying to drag DH upstairs to try naturally (as if its going to work this time, when it hasn't for the last lord knows how long?!?) i just thought one (or two....) more attempts on our own might work, and save going through all this again. Wishful thinking


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## April33

One of the ladies that I work with on an evening was ttc for seven years - her DH had a low sperm count (this was before the days of ICSI) and she'd all but given up hope when she fell pregnant naturally. We've been ttc for six years and I too feel like it's wishful thinking that I'll ever conceive naturally but stories like this do show that it can happen!   showed up this weekend so I'll be starting using my ovulation monitor towards the end of the week, although my DH keeps telling me that he's not a machine!


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## Ruthie82

Popsy - I am the same, hoping the next natural try works before next go I think if it helps us believe it can't hurt can it?

April - Yes you do hear those stories, someone I heard about tried 8 yrs gave up a year later was pregnant! These stories aren't helping me at the moment, do you every feel like that?

We went away for the weekend and everywhere I turned was a mother with a toddler or baby and she had a big bump too!!! I know its wrong but I couldn't help but think you have two...

Ruth x x


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## popsy1

It can be really difficult when you know you may have missed that most important 2 day window. I know it can happen other times, but it seems to put terrible pressure on us both. And as for Byonce strutting her stuff on the news.......


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## Ruthie82

Oh I missed Beyonce strutting her stuff, thank goodness by the sounds of it! Try to stay relaxed as much as you can and do it when you want, doing it every 2-3days hun, overwise it becomes to rigid and thats no good for either of you

Ruth x x


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## Faithope

*Ruthie*  I know what you mean, but now everytime I see a pregnant lady (not teenagers) i think to myself-she may have struggled to concieve, she may have had to wait years for that baby, it helps me not feel so jealous. My friend has a 13 DS same as me, she struggled with infertility for 8 years (same as me) tried all the different things-clomid, acupuncture, chinese herbs. Then her doctor gave her a drug and it turned out that for 6 months she was on a contraceptive  it was only when she went to the ferility doc again that he told her to come of it, the following month she was pregnant. She now has a 9month old boy. I had DS after coming off the pill  I did think about asking the GP for 3 months supply then come off it but have gone to far down the TTC and TX route for that.

As for Trying Naturaly-I am finding this tough. I just want to give up on it and have FET and then another ICSI. If they don't work then I guess its 'give up' time


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## Ruthie82

Faithope I do think that too, my first thought is why her etc then I think well she might have a hard life, or tried for a long time to concieve. If you don't mind me asking how many tries have you had?

Ruth x x


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## popsy1

Thanks Ruthie. OMG you sound so calm! I think I am just getting my knickers in a twist, and a bit nervy again. 
Faithhope, you are just so right. I had never thought of it like that before.
Thank you you two 

Popsy x


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## Ruthie82

Popsy its all surface he he, we are all the same deep down, its finding our inidivual way of dealing with it I think

Ruth x x


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## Faithope

*Ruthie* I have had one ICSI, 2 baby losses, been trying for a baby for 8 years. Going for my frozen embies in January  so that will be my second TX xxx

*popsy*  I didn't think like that until I read it somewhere and I think it really helped me


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## April33

I suppose if I'm really honest the stories of people falling pregnant naturally after years of struggling to conceive don't really help me too much - I simply can't believe that I'll ever get that lucky! 

When we first started trying, after a few months of nothing happening we started to use ovulation tests but we did find it put us both under a lot of pressure, so we abandoned that idea and decided to try to relax and see what happened. However, as you're aware, we've started to use an ovulation monitor now to try to pinpoint the bext couple of days but I am worried that it'll soon take the fun out of things and we'll soon be feeling the pressure again! My DH does joke that he's not a machine but I wonder how much of what he says in jest is actually how he feels!

I went away for the weekend for my friends 40th birthday - found out whilst away that his wife is 5 months pregnant. Went through the usual feelings of jealousy, sadness, loss etc. whilst keeping a wide grin plastered on my face. They know about my situation and she kept telling me all of the things that I can look forward to once I fall pregnant - the problem is that I just can't believe that I will ever be in that position. 

If only someone could come up with a fool proof way for us to keep  the      flowing!


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## stonefield74

Hi everyone - I wonder if you would mind if I joined you all?  I just got back from the hospital to talk about our second cycle so we'll be going through the rollercoaster again in October (could have been September but we've booked a week away in October which would have interferred with our scans etc so we're waiting an extra month).  A brief history from me - I'm 37 (just last week) been TTC with my lovely DH for 4 years, we have unexplained infertility.  Had our first cycle earlier this year which resulted in a lovely BFP and then a not so lovely ectopic which resulted in the loss of my right tube.  So here we are again eager to get going and praying that it works for us again - will be having sharp words with the embryologist next time making sure he puts them back in the right place!  It would be lovely to get to know you all while we're all waiting for our next cycle.

Stonefield x


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## April33

Hi stonefield74  

     on your ectopic pregnancy.


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## Jess81

Hi Stonefield, 
Really sorry about your eptopic hun    i totally understand as i had one quite recently, i supose luckly i didn't have to have surgery (although at the time that was my prefered option!). I had to have the methotrexate injection which wasn't very plesant i can tell ya! 

we all need to try and keep    up for each other and it will work for you! It was my 3rd TX and lots of people kept saying to me well at least you know you can get pg now!! yes thanks for that!!! 

I did ask how the blooming hell it got back up there in the first place as they by pass it all!!! 

We are due to start again in November but i'm now having 2nd thoughts and thinking i might wait till Jan!! we shall see when AF arrives in NOv to whether or not we make that call!!! 

Hope everyone else is ok

Jess xx


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## popsy1

Hi stonefield, & Jess,
yes people can say the most inapproriate things cant they. often with us its "Well couldn't you adopt?" It seems to be those that already have children that say that.
I would have liked to have gone on a break, but our consultant said not to wait and to try again asap. Now DH says not to wait even one month longer than necessary. (we put off our 2nd tx because we moved house.....and the other thing people have been saying is new house, new baby...no pressure there then!)

Popsy x


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## stonefield74

Thanks for the warm welcome girls!  Oh I know, the things people say are so annoying aren't they.  "Relax and it'll happen" probably my personal favourite.....not!  I haven't been in a permanent state of anxiety for 4 years so I think we can safely discount that ridiculous piece of advice.  And while people can still terminate a pregnancy for no reason at 20 weeks, funnily enough that means there aren't many to go up for adoption with all the people that would love to do that!  Anyway, enough moaning!

The surgery was no bad thing in the end because right before EC they'd found a large hydro on my right tube which they said they would have wanted to clip or remove before our next shot so at least that saved me waiting for an appointment to get that sorted.  Just have to hope we are lucky with our next go too.  Now that I know when it is I can start being healthy again - I pretty much spent the first month after the ectopic in a wine-induced coma so I'm looking forward to packing all that in again to be honest!


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## April33

Hi ladies,

Sorry to moan but I'm having a bad day today  

I work full time but I've also been doing a part-time job on an evening since April. After doing 12 hour days for the past 4 months I'm beginning to get rather tired and fed up but the thought of why I'm doing the extra work (all of my part-time wage goes into my 'ICSI fund') kind of keeps me going.

My DH lost his job back in September. He was hospitalised when a virus caused his brain to swell meaning he couldn't walk etc. so his company kindly sacked him as they couldn't cope with not knowing when he'd return - nice people . Anyway, DH has been temping since April but it's his last day today and we don't know when he'll be working again.

I'm really worried about how we're going to manage financially and I'm scared I'll have to use my part-time wage for things other than the 'ICSI fund'. If my DH doesn't find work straight away then we will definetely have to use this money.

I think I'm also scared because we can claim our insurance money (which I'm hoping to use for a cycle in November) on the 19th September. This should be exciting but I'm so worried they're going to turn us down. I know how upset I'll be if I can't have another cycle before the end of the year. My DH is confident that we'll get the money - I wish I could share his optimisim  

Any       gratefully received!!!!!


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## Jess81

Hi April. 
Sorry your having a bad day, thats really bad of DH's company to do that and i think legally they can't sack him whilst on sick! he would hvae grounds to take them to court if he wanted to. 

I'm sure DH will find work soon. and you have to think positive with getting the money in a couple of weeks. 

It really annoys me that we have to work our    off to pay for treatment when the government are handing out houses to every man and his dog!! thats another story!! 

think positive but just don't spend it yet lol! 

i hope i have helped you and not put you on a downer! 

Jess x


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## April33

Hi Jess,

DH had been working for the company for 51 weeks. To claim unfair dismissal he would have to have been working for the company for 52 weeks. I believe the company was well aware of this and they were worried that he could be off sick for a while, hence why they dismissed him when they did. He could have taken them to court for wrongful dismissal (which I believe only relates to them not following dismissal procedures) but they settled out of court. DH didn't get a huge sum of money but, thankfully, it was enough to help us through the seven months he was unemployed until he got his temping job.

You're right, I need to stay positive! It's just so hard sometimes though isn't it? 

It annoys me too that we have to pay for our treatment, however we manage to do that, when it's for something so important. And then I get angry with myself for getting annoyed because there's nothing we can do to change things! The whole 'infertility isn't life threatening so why should the NHS pay?' arguement makes my blood boil, the impact that our struggles with fertility has on our lives is so underestimated! I was reading an article the other day with a series of 'experts' advising a lady on how to come to terms with the fact that she would never have children following her decision to have no further IVF treatment - a couple of them advised her to take up a hobby so that she had something to occupy herself and take her mind off things. Mmmm....yes I think I'll take up knitting, that will 'cure' me of my desire to have children!

Sorry - ranting again!


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## popsy1

Hi April
Hope you are OK. Its horrid when everything seems to be against you. I very often have times when its either worry, or anger, or its just not fair! 
You can look on the net for sites that show you what you may or may not be able to claim, which might help you. If you are getting all that is applicable then just try to stay calm, and things will eventually sort themselves out.
I agree with both you and Jess, it makes me really cross about the funding lark. Especially when some women talk about when they have had their three "freebies". I have even read a lady put that she was coming back over to this country so she could have her freebies.
Our PCT age limit was 39, and I applied at 39, but they still turned us down. I appealed twice by then I was 40, and it was still rejected. I am surprised that you and Jess could not get funding, but they are all different, and thats just not right either is it!
My DH has surmised that there will either be £6k less to leave a baby when we leave this world, or more to leave to a dogs home/monkey sanctuary.


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## April33

Hi popsy1,

It's comforting to know that you too often have times when you worry, get angry etc. about the whole situation (although I obviously wish you didn't!). It helps to be reminded every now and then that I'm not the only one who feels this way and it's entirely naturally to experience the emotions that I do and I'm not ! It's so difficult to switch off sometimes isn't it?

What excuse did your PCT give for turning you down when you met their age criteria, if you don't mind me asking? I was lucky enough to get my first cycle funded but my PCT only funds one cycle, which is why we're now having to look at self-funding. I don't begrudge any lady her three funded cycles but it's hard to hear stories like my colleague told me about her friend who lives a few miles from me, whose PCT funds three cycles, who had a baby from each cycle and then went onto have a fourth naturally! It's supposed to be a _national_ health service after all, how can it be justified that some get access to free treatment whilst others are denied? It's such a crazy, stupid system.

I'm desperately trying to relax now until I know one way or the other whether I'll have the money for a cycle in November. I keep trying to remind myself that worrying isn't going to change the outcome, this decision is out of my hands - not easy for a control freak like me!


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## popsy1

Hi April,
I went to a new GP because we moved and asked in Feb (aged 39). they referred me to a gyneacologist. I waited for the appointment, which was June if I remember (still aged 39). the gyneacologist said i ought to be referred to the fertility side of things. So we waited for appointment beginning of Sept.(still aged 39). Consultant sent us for all the necessary tests on that day! and sent an immediate request for funding under exceptional circs.(...39yrs!). Got a rejection letter put it down to my age even though their criteria is 39!.
I appealed, but they waited until after my 40th to reply. I appealed again, and then again. Nope. They set the age limit and then didnt even stick to it. It was their fault too that I was referred to the wrong dept too.

I notice that you are also funding privately, and trying so hard to get the full monies together before you have a try. I dont know about your clinic, but some clinics do do payment arrangements, (not that I am suggesting loads of debt), but if you dont have quite enough, that might be an option for you (for the balance if you havent got to your target). 

AFM things feel a bit surreal at the moment, as I most probably will be starting injections for short protocol by end of next week, and I feel in a bit of a dream that its not happening to me...maybe its a coping mechanism seeing as it has not gone well before..

Popsy x


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## April33

Hi popsy1,

That's disgraceful, it's bad enough that PCTs set such strict guidelines but when they don't even follow them..... 

Why am I not surprised that they waited until after your 40th birthday to reply to your appeal? Although in my mind it shouldn't have mattered since you began the whole process when you were 39 and, therefore, met their criteria  

I didn't realise that some clinics did payment arrangements. My clinic has never mentioned this to me but I guess they wouldn't really want to advertise this option. It's certainly something that I would enquire about.

I think your feelings regarding starting tx next week are understandable. I really want to get going again with a new cycle but, at the same time, I am terrified of starting a new cycle as I know the pain involved if it doesn't work. Whilst I'm waiting for a cycle I can hope/dream that it will work but when the time actually comes there's a chance that that hope will go and I'll have to deal with that. Does that make sense? I don't know whether that's kind of how you feel? I guess once you start the injections the reality will set in!


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## popsy1

Hi April,
Yes it makes perfect sense-Thank you. You hit it right on the head about the constant hope, then it can be taken away in an instant.
one more day closer!

have a good day xxx

Popsy x


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## April33

Hi ladies,

My DH has found work up until the end of the year     . He starts in a couple of weeks.

We're used to him getting paid weekly though - this job pays monthly, so we're going to have to be very careful next month! I may have to use some of the money from my ICSI fund but I should be able to replace it the month after, when he gets paid. I get really twitchy when the money's not in my savings account though  

The only problem is it will be his works busiest time of the month when I have my nurse consultation and I'm worried his new boss won't be happy about letting him have time off to attend. We both had to attend the first one because there were lots of forms for both of us to sign - does anybody know whether you need to go through all the forms again for a second cycle (e.g. welfare of child forms)? I'll probably give the clinic a call today and see what they say. If they'd kept to our original appointment of 24th October it wouldn't be a problem - I know the change of appointment couldn't be helped but it's still frustrating! I can't face the thought of cancelling this appointment and having to wait another four months, if we have the money for treatment.

I'm also under pressure to give up my part-time job. DH has been against it from the start as we don't get to spend as much time together as we used to before I got the job. I am really tired and fed up of having to work part-time as well as full-time and the idea of having the evenings to myself again is fantastic! I did say that I'd give up the job once I knew whether we were definetely going to get the insurance money but we don't know that yet (DH is convinced everything will be ok but I tend to worry about things more, in case you hadn't noticed  ). I'm just a bit nervous about giving it up beforehand in case it doesn't work out!


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## stonefield74

Hi April - I know what you mean re the worrying, I am a natural born worrier too, particularly about all things financial!!

I don't know if everywhere is the same but we had to fill out the paperwork from hell all over again for our second cycle which we're starting in 2 weeks - but I just picked the paperwork up in advance and filled it all out at home.  I went to the nurses appt where she checked it all over on my own, as long as everything is signed by your DH he shouldn't need to be there.  My DH is self employed and its not easy for him to take time off - the second cycle should be easier all round really as we won't need the appointment demonstrating how to do the injections - so when I get my next AF I'll just start on the pill and they'll give me the date to start the Buserelin, so I won't see them for a while yet.  I shouldn't think my DH will attend until EC day which will suit him fine (he's not good when there is a lot of hanging around involved!).  So I am hoping for a less stressful cycle next time with a better outcome (last one was BFP but ectopic, boo).

Great news about your DH finding work until the end of the year by the way!

Good luck!


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## popsy1

Hi April & Stonefield,...I thought I was the biggest worrier. Looks like we are all the same.

April, I agree with Stonefield, give the clinic a call & ask for them to send you the forms. My second tx I only had one or two to fill in, and I have just been sent the same for tx3, which i am planning to start any day now. Great news on DH job. 
xxx


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## rachel petch

Hello girls im just hopping on this thread as i ve had about 10 months off tx, just look at signature! Just wondering how long from consultation to starting treatment My 1st app is 13 oct, will i start tx before xmas Im with James Cooke University Hospital Middlesbrough. Im just feeling impatient girls xxxx


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## katreekingsbury

Hey girls.
Havnt been on here for a while.... Been getting myself on the straight and narrow!!

Had my review appt this afternoon and my lovely consultant has said I can have my FET on my 2nd cycle from today. (my 1st cycle us due in 2-3weeks time...fingers crossed). 

So I have to call them on day 1 of the    arriving and then it's all systems go!!! 

How are the rest of u girls getting on?  Xxxx


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## April33

Hi stonefield74 and popsy1 - I phoned our clinic yesterday and they are going to send the forms out in the post for us to complete. However, we both still need to go to the nurse consultation as we have to sign the forms in front of a witness i.e. the nurse! This seems a bit strange, as other clinics obviously don't have this requirement, but those are the rules of our clinic! Things aren't so bad though because my DH got another job offer yesterday, for 10 - 12 weeks work, and he much prefers the sound of this job so has decided to take this one instead! The person he is going to be working for sounds much more laid back, and he's more confident that they'll be flexible about him taking time off to attend the nurse consultation.

You'll be starting your next tx anytime soon won't you popsy1? How are you feeling?

Hi rachel petch - I think it depends on your clinic. I know if I went for a first consultation with my clinic in October there is no way I'd be able to start treatment before xmas. But, when I spoke with another clinic recently, it sounded like starting immediately would not have been an issue at all! I know exactly what you mean by being impatient!  

Hi katreekingsbury - Good news about your FET, are you excited to be starting again soon? 

Well, I have decided to give up my part-time work. My resignation letter went in the post today and my last day will be a week on Friday. I don't know how I feel about it  . I am exhausted from working so many hours a day for the past few months and it will be so nice to spend more quality time with my DH. But the job represented so much (e.g. being able to save for tx) and I'm worried in case I don't have enough for tx in November etc. But I'm hoping to still be able to put away a bit each month whilstever my DH is working. I just can't help thinking 'what if my DH doesn't find work after his temporary assignment?', 'what if we don't get the money we need for November?' etc. Lots of 'what ifs' - there I go worrying again  !


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## popsy1

Hi April, 
AF arrived today & going for 1st scan tomorrow. Was up all night, Apprehensive, but I know the only way to get there is to go for it! 

Popsy x


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## katreekingsbury

Hi April33

U sound like a little worry ****! Lol... U need to take each day as it comes. I know we all need money, but at the end if the day, u will manage the best u can. Remember it will all be worth it! 

I'm not really excited abt FET tbh... I'm more apprehensive. Not very optimistic on the outcome&if it does work,I'm not feeling 100% that it will be a viable or full term pregnancy.
I've now dropped two days at work, so hoping that a 3day week will be less stressful. I'm also nit going to think too much abt the treatment. I'm going to try and stay in as much of normal routine as possible. 
I've done the sitting around and not doing anything, but after I miscarried it screwed me up and I lived in bed for 2weeks! So I'm determined not to let this get on top of me this time!! 

What is it u and DH do for a living? Hope it's not stressful... & remember money isn't everything chick xxx


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - Good luck with your tx     

Hi katreekingsbury - I always feel excited for the other person when I hear that they're about to start tx but I can totally understand why you're feeling apprehensive. When I get the go-ahead to start the next cycle I know I will be incredibly apprehensive too! I think the worries about the outcome of the tx are totally natural, because this means so much to us and also because of our previous experiences     . I too am determined to do things slightly differently this time. I went back to work between EC and ET, which is something I definetely will not be doing this time. I'm also planning on taking the second week of the 2ww off work as well, to give myself some TLC but also because I don't want to be at work if I start to bleed before OTD again and then have to explain why I'm off sick (I had to go on sick leave for a few days last time to get my head sorted). I'm also not going to 'symptom spot' as I believe the symptoms of pregnancy are too similar to those of the drugs or AF and I don't want to get my hopes up like last time! I work as a Quality Control Manager, which is quite stressful, so giving up the part-time cleaning job was probably a good idea for my health and sanity! DH is an accountant.


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## popsy1

Hi April,
yes, 4th inj tonight. back for a scan on Wed. I too spent soooo much time on the net last time, causing so many more concerns. Trouble is that you tell yourself you will only look for 5 minute, then end up for ages!.
I am on another thread too, and many are already on their tww. it seems to fly by when you are not going through it, but each day drags whan you on tww. I am trying to be positive, but i think if successful it will be the best surprise ever!

xx


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

How are you all?

Havent been on this thread since start of our lovely summer! Hope everyone is keeping well.. Sorry i dont know what stage everyone is at will read all when i get home tonite.

Jillyhen


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## April33

Hi ladies,

I've just found out that my insurance policy refund has been approved, so I will be able to have another cycle before the end of the year!

I cannot tell you have giddy and excited I am right now, and what a weight off my shoulders this news has been!


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## Sarah Anne

Hi All,

I'd like to join this thread please  

This wasn't how I had thought I would be seeing out September, as I miscarried on the 11th.  Had clinic yesterday, and they said that I only have to wait one period then I can start next FET the following, if they can fit me in - that takes me up to a BFN on Xmas day!  Yippee....  In the five years I have been trying I never once expected a BFP, so now I am not sure how I will cope with my next cycle, as I was really starting to enjoy being pregnant.  I hope we all get what we deserve on our next cycles.  Sorry to those who have to pay - I still have an ICSI and FETs on NHS left - and credit cards poised for after that.  Katreekingsbury I remember you from the TWW thread in Aug - so sorry to see you miscarried too, I saw earlier that so did JC.  

     to all xxx


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## popsy1

Hi April, brilliant news on your insurance money.
From my profile you can see we have cancelled our treatment for this one on day 5. DH job is of concern. We should know more in a week or so, then if all ok, we will have another go next month.xx

hi Sarah Anne. so sorry abouth MC. No, we have never had any sign of a BFP...ever. not even a scare.I hope your next cycle will be a happier time for you xxx

popsy x


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## Sarah Anne

Popsy I had the common response from a few of "at least you know you can get pregnant now" (which is surprisingly unhelpful!)  But actually as it clearly was not a viable pregnancy I would rather that I did not know I got pregnant and it passed before the test.  You may have had some embryos implant but lost them early.  I hope that your next cycle is the one


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## Lauras0612

Sarah Ann - sorry to hear about ur miscarriage, we had a 9 week scan on 15th August and no heartbeat could be found. I had medicated miscarriage couple of week later.

We have our review on Monday, I'm hoping we can try again before Xmas. Money is tight as we have to pay, but got to go for it nothing is more important at the minute.

Good luck to you all.

Best Wishes

Laura xx


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - I'm so sorry you've had to cancel this cycle  . I hope you get good news regarding your DH job situation. I know it is a stupid question but how are you feeling?

Hi Sarah Anne -   for your miscarriage. It must be particularly difficult for you to feel positive about future cycles right now but your next cycle will hopefully have a better outcome  . If my next cycle works out pretty much as my first cycle my OTD will also be due around xmas. If I get a BFN again I am really scared about how I will cope with the festive period - after my last BFN all I wanted to do was hide away and be anti-social - how could I do this at xmas? I'll be surrounded by family, crying my eyes out and ruining the day for everyone else - as if a cycle isn't stressful enough there's this to worry about too! Hopefully, it will be a good xmas for both of us! 

Hi Lauras0612 -   for your miscarriage also. I have a million and one other things that I could spend my insurance money refund on (paying off debts etc.) but I feel exactly the same as you - there is nothing more important than tx and, hopefully, a positive outcome  !


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## popsy1

Hi April,
yes, we made the right decission. I am a bit of a wreck at the moment just worrying about the job thing, so if the cycle had failed then I would have been blaming it on the stress of worrying. Just waiting to see how much the drugs have cost us, but in the grand scheme of things losing £1k is better than £6k! I just hope its good news when the dust settles.

With regards to your concerns about Christmas, I understand your worries, but you will just take things in your stride. if you dont want to see family you can tell them you are feeling unwell, or goth other invitations. Or just tell them outright, and that usually shuts people up. My DH wants everyone to us this year so I have no idea how we will cope if I am going through tx, so just take each day/decission as it comes (I know, its easier to say than to do...). i wish I would take my own advice!

Sarah anne & laura, I wish you everything you wish for xxxxxx

popsy x


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - My DH has lost two permanant jobs over the past few years (the first through redundancy and the second, as you know, because he was off work sick for a few days  ). And I've obviously had my worries about him finding work after his last temporary role ended. So, whilst our circumstances may be different, I can sympathise with how stressed and worried you must be feeling at the moment. I really hope things work out for you both and you find out sooner rather than later what the situation is regarding your DH's job. I sometimes think the not knowing is the hardest thing - at least when you know what's happening, you can make plans and work out the best cause of action. 

My DH starts his new temporary role today and I am worried about how that's going to work out. My DH has suffered from depression for several years but has managed to come off medication over the past couple of weeks. He's in a much better place now than he has been for years and it's nice to finally feel like I have back the man that I married. But he's such a sensitive individual and he doesn't respond well to stressful situations! He's been fine in his last two temporary roles as the people he's been working with have been really nice. I hope the people at his new job are just as nice and he enjoys the work because we really need the money! Sorry popsy1, this must seem like such a minor worry with everything you're dealing with right now. I have some real anxiety issues    

My DH wants us to postpone tx for a month so that I'm not on the 2ww over the xmas period. I totally see his point of view and it would certainly take away my worries about how I'd cope at that time if the tx failed. But, at the same time, I'm fed up of waiting and just want to start tx as soon as possible! I'm not going to worry about this just now though (at the end of the day if we do delay it will only be by a month!), there's plenty of time to make a final decision about whether to start in November or December.


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## Sarah Anne

April, I think family will understand if you cry through Xmas?  I am also worrying about it, as it was supposed to be the start of my third trimester and I was expecting a brilliant Xmas, properly relaxed and starting to buy all my baby things.  I am thinking I might avoid a lot of Xmas, especially if I get a BFN that week too.  I know that it will make my parents sad for me, but I would rather cry at home than into my Xmas dinner that they have cooked for me!  Lets hope we have good Xmas’    I admire your calmness over when to start your next tx, and not worried by an extra month, I am plotting how to secure a slot straight away after my first period to ensure I don’t have to wait an extra month, because I don’t know when my periods will return so cannot secure a place in advance!  

As for the paying for treatment, I know that I am in more fortunate positions than some of you with NHS funding left, but I too would just pay with what ever I can get my hands on to keep going until I get a baby, coz what else do you do??  The counsellor told me this is not a good plan, but how do ever accept it will not happen for you and be childless?  I know this worries my partner though, who does not share my views on this!
Popsy, I could not imagine doing Xmas during tx – hope your DH is supportive and hands on to help you!  Perhaps if you decide you don’t want everyone round you could threaten to shoot up in the middle of dinner?


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## April33

Hi Sarah Anne - Possibly delaying tx is the only thing I am calm about  

I'm usually quite stoic and tend to keep my emotions to myself (except on this site ). So I think it was a big shock to my family to see how upset I was after my first ICSI failed - it's honestly the only time I can remember when I've really lost control and cried in front of so many people and not been able to control myself in public. So I felt like my family kept trying to make me feel better, like they didn't know how to handle this different part of me that they'd never really seen before. This meant that I felt like I had to rush through my grief of the tx not working and I really felt the relief from my family when they perceived I was back to feeling 'normal'. I guess this time if the tx fails again I want to deal with the grief in my own time and not 'recover' quickly simply for the benefit of others (which I know sounds incredibly selfish). But I know I'll put myself under pressure to act 'normally' even if tx fails because xmas is a huge deal to my DH and his family, which I don't think will be in my interests. By delaying by a month it kind of takes some of that pressure off of me. Does that make sense?

I think my calmness is also due to the fact that whilst I'm not undergoing tx I don't have to worry about the risk of it failing and all the upset that accompanies that. It's like I still have hope but once I start tx there's a chance that that hope will be taken away from me.

I'm surprised that your counsellor said what they did. I totally share your opinion - I will continue striving to pay for tx for as long as it takes! You can't put a price on a much wanted baby! I know of someone who has turned her nose up at the fact that we are using our insurance payout for tx when we have other debts, telling me how expensive children are and how I'd need that money if I was to fall pregnant - but how is that going to happen if I don't pay for the tx in the first place?


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## popsy1

Hi ladies,
I dont know about you, but I have noticed that its people who already have children say, oh, I wouldnt do it again, and put all the bad points across. We don't know how they feel, but they dont know how we feel either! Some people also look at us as though we have "got it good". OOOO I get quite cross with them sometimes!
Yes, its the not knowing whats going to happen. However, its been like this in our lives now for about 7 years. I have worked out we have moved house 5 times in just over 4 years. Just bought a house again and its going belly up again. Do you sometimes feel someone has put a curse on you?


Ooops, sorry, I went off on one then didnt I xxx


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## Sarah Anne

April wanting to recover in your own time is not at all selfish, even if it does affect other’s Xmas – but if you cope better not doing it over Xmas and you can wait then sounds like a good plan.  As my first tx resulted in hospitalisation due to ohss and thus embryos being frozen, I am yet to experience a negative result from tx, so I don’t know how I will feel (as in what level of extreme heart break).  I do worry now though, as by getting pregnant I have been given hope that it will happen for me, and now I worry that I will be even more disappointed with a negative result.  I remember the negative result month after month for years when we were trying naturally, and that was bad enough.
My counsellor (official fertility one at clinic, only seen post miscarriage) also took away my hopes that I had ten years left to try, saying that I don’t know that as although I responded well to the fresh cycle this does not mean that I will continue to do so.  Talk about kick me while I’m down!  May be she favours the tough love approach!  But I’m sure most of us just keep going, no matter what, as it would be far worse to live a life without children for us.  
Popsy it is always the ones that have children that say such stupid things!  I have had a few say sarcastically, when their children are playing up, “look what you have to look forward to” – I want to slap them and say I would love to have children that play up!!  Sorry to hear about your house – I totally sympathise with you feeling someone has put a curse on you.  My career is up the spout it seems too as well as the miscarriage, feeling the whole world is against me lately.  But there is one thing from all we go through, for those of us lucky enough to have a healthy baby from tx, that we more than most will appreciate every second of being a mum, which those that fall pregnant from just looking at their partner will never properly experience – I bet it is absolutely amazing.


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## popsy1

Hi April,
When we moved into our new home, we had said we would do it on the next cycle, which turned out we would have started about a week after moving in. we had already put it on hold for a month longer than we had wanted too due to the move...but I was not ready. So we put it off another month. I can say that I was a lot calmer about that second tx by waiting a month. I just felt more prepared. Only you can decide, but you are still young so an extra month should not make any difference to things. xxx


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## April33

Hi ladies,

Wow popsy1, that's a lot of house moves (and a lot of stress, I bet!). Does your DH have a profession where he has to move in order to secure work then?

I've heard people moaning a lot about the lack of sleep they're experiencing because of young children keeping them up at night - I would gladly sacrifice sleep to be able to experience that! I totally agree with you Sarah Anne though, that we'll truely appreciate being a mum when (not if!) it happens for us       

I'm not sure I like your counsellors attitude Sarah Anne  ! Aren't counsellors supposed to listen to you without being judgemental and opinionated? I appreciate that they need to help you see the 'bigger picture' but saying what she said sounds rather harsh! I have no intention of giving up just yet and, like you, I intend to keep trying for a family for several more years yet!


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## popsy1

Hi April, its just a string of bad luck I think (longest string i have ever known).DH job was lost to redundancy last time, he seems to appply for jobs all over the country, and we go where we can, but it is such an upheaval. The clinic has now advised that they have put their price for iCSI up and it will cost us an extra £1k, unless we try again on the next bleed. (No pressure there then!) and we may not know problem, but I am stressing big style as I hate uncertainty..ie, job or no job, tx or no tx, move again or not move again, more cost or no more cost. My age is also shouting away at me.
I think I am going to flip if I am not careful 
Popsy xx


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - I can totally relate to what you're saying  . I hate uncertainty also and there have been times over the past few years where I've feared I was going a bit  ! An extra £1k for tx sounds like a pretty big hike, I really don't know how clinics can justify their costs sometimes! Are you expecting to hear about your DH job anytime soon?


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## popsy1

The person dealing with it will be away on hols next week, so if its not sorted by Fri then its going to be very close to next AF starting. i am also concerned that the clinic has not told me the full cost of cancelling. The hosp have changed their pricing to charge £5500 for ICSI (its was £5800 all in), but then paying for drugs on top, which for me would be at least an extra £1k (if not more.) I would say I was dreaming pound signs last night, but I am just not sleeping!

popsy


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - It's bad of the clinic not to have told you by now the full cost of cancelling your tx. I sometimes think that clinics don't realise (or care) how difficult it is for the majority of people to pay for each cycle, it's such a lot of money. My clinic is far from perfect, with long waiting lists (even if I'd had the money to start tx earlier I'd still have had to wait until November) and long waiting times for appointments (my follow up appointment was an hour late, for example). But the cost of ICSI is a lot less than a lot of other clinics (£3340, which covers scans etc., plus drugs of around £500) and I like the fact that there are no additional charges that could easily bump up the initial cost. But I'm guessing they must still be making some profit on the cost, so what kind of profit are clinics making that chage a lot more?  

I really hope you get some news today so, even if it's bad news (which I   it's not), at least you know where you stand and can start making plans. 

Try to have a good weekend (easier said than done, I know!).


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## popsy1

Hi April, no news yet on DH job, but I have had an email confirming that they will only charge for the drugs and blood test if we cannot go ahead on next AF, so in a strange way at least I can relax about that (as its in writing now! even though I dont have the figure). I was having sleepless nights thinking they were going to charge thousands just because we had to cancel. I think the drugs should be around £1k. Waiting to see what the next instalment holds. Hope you have a good weekend xxx

BTW what partof the country are you in, just wondered as I could have two ICSI for the same price we are paying).

popsy x


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - Did you get any news on Friday? My clinic is the Leeds Centre for Reproductive Medicine based at Seacroft Hospital, Leeds. I could be totally wrong but I think that clinics based within NHS hospitals are generally cheaper than 'stand-alone' private clinics. It may be because they provide treatment 'at cost' and don't make a profit after all, I don't know. As I said, the waiting times can be horrendous at my clinic and the waiting area is awful but treatment is more affordable and the success rates are ok (39.7 % across the board).

I'm having a bit of a wobble at the moment. We were looking at puppies over the weekend and I told my DH that I thought we should buy one if the tx doesn't work this time! Quite a harmless statement but it got me thinking about what if it doesn't work again? It's natural to think like this sometimes, I know, I guess it's just the first time since we knew we could have a second cycle this year that it's really hit me that we are actually going through this again! It's such a big investment, emotionally and financially, and the outcome is so important!


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## popsy1

Hi April, no news Friday. We had a good weekend though.
I know someone who had 4 attempts at IVF with all BFN. They decided to give up and go and get two kittens. Then she promptly fell pregnant and has two children now (she was about 40 then!). It is natural to be concerned about it not working again, although we were more optimistic the second go. Just the third time it was/is more difficult to stay positive. If you are thinking of a puppy, spring is a better time, so you can train outside!

popsy x


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## April33

Hi ladies,

I really wish I hadn't told my HR Manager about my first treatment cycle! Since then she keeps asking me questions about my plans for the future, which I guess you could say is quite nice (although the cynic in me thinks she's just been nosey!). I find it really difficult to evade such questions but I always regret telling her any further information because I hate her responses!

This afternoon she asked me whether I'd had my nurse consultation yet, as she thought it was at the start of this month. I told her that it was actually at the start of next month but we were probably going to delay starting treatment until December. Perhaps it was my imagination but whilst I was talking with her I couldn't get rid of the feeling that she was pitying me - her facial expressions certainly seemed to indicate that! She then proceeded to tell me about a couple she'd seen on holiday with a two year old boy. They got talking and it turns out that the boy was adopted. The birth mother got pregnant again and they have just been accepted as the adoptive parents of this little boys sibling, who is 9 months old. Her parting comment was something along the lines of how there are always other options and ways round things!

It's a really nice story and I'm happy that another couple out there has got the family that they must have so desperately wanted, and I certainly don't mind hearing 'feel good' stories like this. It's just that I feel like she's written off my chances of having my own child before I've even started this second cycle of treatment! It's difficult enough to stay positive without people effectively thinking your chances are rubbish and why bother?

Hi popsy1 - I like hearing  stories like this, it gives us all hope! I am definetely coming round to the idea that the best thing to do is to relax a little (easier said than done sometimes!). I've been really strict with myself for the past year - no caffeine, no alcohol etc. I decided to let go a little this weekend and went into town with my DH - had a nice latte at the coffee shop and a lager shandy with a pub lunch! Nothing too crazy   but I did feel so much better and relaxed! I feel fun has been in short supply over recent months, everything has become focused on treatment and it did me good to let go a bit! Any news on when you're likely to be starting treatment again?


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## rachel petch

Hi Girls,

April; I have my consultation on Thursday, im excited/apprehensive/frightened every emotion on the planet!!!.
I have also been looking after myself for about the last 4 or so months, limited alcohol lots of water, started a regular exercise routine in place, id put around a stone on since last tx, so i started back on the Slimming World diet a few weeks ago and already lost about 8 pounds, also i just got some co enzyme q10 tablets today, so gonna start taking them, they are supposed to help "older" eggs be more healthy!!!

I hate it when you see the "pity" on peoples faces, you do feel like they ve written you off before you ve started!!


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## popsy1

Hi, feeling bewildered today.
When we spoke to nurse about cancelling due to stresses at DH job, we made the decision based on nurses estimate it would cost us about £800. I reckoned it would be more like £1000 based on the drugs taken, and one blood test at the beginning. I kept asking for clarification, but i reckon the nurse knew she had got it wrong. They then told me that the clinic has now changed the way they price things, and next go would be tx PLUS drugs separately so would cost us at least £1k more for a fresh cycle. I spoke to nurse yesterday and she said actually it will be more like £1500 for the cancelled cycle. I have just spoken to the finance dept as we still have not decided what to do (AF due this week), and they are now quoting it would have cost us £1900. So basically if we put off this month and go for another later cycle we will have to save a further £3k. (£1900 plus the increase for next go). How the heck do they justify this!  

Popsy


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## April33

Hi rachel - Congratulations on your weight loss! I went up a dress size during my first cycle but I have not managed to lose any of that weight! I'm afraid I don't have very much self control when it comes to watching what I eat and excercise! I'm thinking of getting some pre-conception vitamins to try to give my body a bit of a boost before treatment. I can totally relate to your feelings ahead of your consultation. Let us know how you get on.

Hi popsy1 - I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this    . Is it worth making a complaint since your decision to cancel the cycle was made on the cost estimation made by the nurse? Will you get a breakdown of the costs associated with your cancelled cycle, so that you can see exactly where your money will be going? I can't believe they can charge £1900 for a blood test and five days worth of injections  ! Which clinic are you with, if you don't mind me asking? Is changing clinics an option? I honestly do not know how the clinic can justify you having to pay an extra £3000 for a later cycle. It's an impossible situation because we know that the clinics are more than likely charging us way over the odds for treatment but they know that we are going to do everything we can to try to meet their costs because we are so desperate for a child.


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## popsy1

Hi,
Rachel, good luck with your appointment today. Will they be able to tell you when you can start?

April, yes I feel cross at this whole situation. For the hosp to charge extortionate figures, and for DH job to put us in this position in the first place. One of the people who stabbed him in the back, asked the other day "Oh hows the thing going". Well he just said we had had to stop. I would have given them the bill and told them the full consequences of what they have done to us!
We might not carry on this month, dont know yet, and thinking of going away. I said to DH about maybe put off til after Christmas, but he seems happy to continue but next month instead ( I dont think it will end up then, because the crucial time will be Christmas like you said earlier....but we'll see.) (dont know where he's imagining the £££ will come from either...Father Christmas! 


Popsy x


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## rachel petch

Popsi 1; Hello i went for my app this morning, they said i'll be looking at ec Feb 2012, so i would imagine just after New Year ill be d/r....... OOooo, excited, i'm really glad i m not having to cram it all in before xmas, as were going to Dublin for New Year to stay with freinds!!! xxx


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## popsy1

you can have a guiness or two then!  Bet you are glad now you have a target date x

Popsyx


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## April33

Hi rachel - Glad the dates have worked out well for you  

Hi popsy1 - Going away sounds like fun, a good opportunity to relax before any more treatment  

Regarding Christmas, my DH definetely doesn't want to start until December so that my OTD will be after the holidays. Deep down I know this is the most sensible option but I'm getting really impatient and want to get started as soon as possible! I'm just waiting for this month's AF and then I'll be arranging a baseline scan - I'm hoping this will help as it will feel like I'm actually doing something! And then my nurse consultation won't be too far off. Hopefully, the time between my nurse consultation and starting treatment (which probably will be mid-December) will fly by with all the preparations for Christmas!


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## popsy1

Hi April,
We are back from hols, and have not done a continuation. We might try again in the new Year, but it really all depends on many things. I am quite relieved really at the moment, because even up until yesterday morning we could have started again, and the stress levels in the house were huge. No we know we dont have to think of ivf/injections and all of this it has taken pressure off. Three times since Feb was really optimistic, and I think because we had ££ help of relatives we put ourselves under pressure for it all to work, and to do it quickly...which backfired.
ANyway, let us know how you get on, and when you start your tx. You never know, maybe we will be tx buddies in the new year x

Popsy x


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - Glad you're feeling a little bit more relaxed, sounds like leaving it until at least the New Year to start tx is definetely the right decision for you.  

I'm still not certain when we'll be starting tx again but we have our nurse consultation tomorrow so we should have some dates after that. I'm thinking that we should postpone the tx because I've been very stressed over recent weeks (made worse by me being involved in a car accident on Friday, and all the hassle that comes with trying to sort out that). But if we do postpone there's nothing to say everything will be 'perfect' in a couple of months time and I'm not sure whether I'm just looking for an excuse to put off another cycle!


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## popsy1

Hi april,
Hope you were not injured. Yes its a big decission to start the cycle again. i know for us the first two we were in the right frame of mind, but the third one was doomed from the beginning. I have also now found out that the clinic I have gone to is probably shutting at end December, so if we try again it will have to be somewhere new, which might be a good thing for us in the long run I suppose, although I dont really know where to start to look for somewhere else. Good luck with your appointment.

Popsy x


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## April33

Hi popsy1 - Nobody was injured, thankfully. Perhaps a new clinic would give a fresh outlook on future treatment? I'm sure if you go onto the board covering your region there will be plenty of people able to point you in the direction of alternative clinics in your area. I'm surprised that your current clinic may be closing at the end of the year, I thought they were quite lucrative businesses!

Nurse consultation went well yesterday (apart from DH causing a bit of a scene because our invoice was £120 more than originally quoted - what can I say, he's an accountant ). We're hoping to start the next ICSI cycle in December but it depends on when my period in December falls (because of Christmas). Worst case, we'll have to postpone until January.


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## blondieh

Hello to popsy and April I'm blondie. Feeling in need at the moment need to lose weight before going for our 8th fresh icsi cycle. Feeling low worried but have to stay strong. it's me that has put it off to lose weight not the clinic, they have never mentioned my weight ever. I know I M blessed with our little girl but I never thought she would be our only one and I still feel incomplete. 

April lol about bill my dh would of been the same, fingers crossed for December for you x

Popsy sorry to see you had an crash hope your well. We are hoping to starting jan so fingers crossed we willbegiving birth together next year lol x


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## April33

Hi blondieh  

I've just been reading your signature, you've been through so much!  

As you rightly say, we have to stay strong through all of this (sometimes easier said than done!).


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## blondieh

April I could go insane if I let myself. I remember a lady older than me at the clinic we go to saying to me " I know how you feel I want a baby too" I thought you don't as you already have one. I do now realise that she meant that she doesn't feel complete, and like me after it had worked once thought she would go on to have more easy. I wish you lots of luck in your journey xxxx


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## April33

Hi blondieh - My circumstances are slightly different to yours. I'm 34 and I've never been pregnant. My DH sperm has low normal morphology and motility, hence our need for ICSI. I've had the usual tests that indicate my fertility is 'normal' but that does not stop me from worrying that there may be something wrong with me yet to be discovered (e.g. immune issues)!

At the moment I've kind of accepted that I'll never have more than one child. And at the moment I feel that it would be such a miracle to have a child that I'd be happy with just the one. I'm guessing from your last post that's kind of how you felt before your daughter? And I can't deny that I do feel envious of people who have managed to have a child, something that I would give anything to experience. However, you never know how you're going to feel and if I do go on to have a successful pregnancy there's nothing to say that I won't have an overwhelming desire for a sibling.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that all the ladies on this site have different experiences/circumstances and we're all at different stages of this journey but we all know how desperate we are for a much longed for baby, regardless of whether we have no children or several!


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## blondieh

April I think you are right that we all want the same outcome, a baby. 

I wish you lots of baby dust and hopefully we are cycling together. Xxxx


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## popsy1

Hi Blondeih,
OMG, 8 tries!, thats some strong woman. I have just turned 41 last week, and never been pregnant (that I know of).  My history is that a dye investigation nearly 7 years ago went bottoms up and resulted in one side of my repro system removed.Got lots of adhesions, and still have lots of pain. Unfortunately I still have so much anger wrapped up inside, that I cant forgive what they have done to me, because its a daily reminder of pain and no children. I would be soo happy with one. We started a 3rd go in Sept but it put so much stress on us that we had to stop. But now DH is going through a mid life crisis, and wants to throw it all away what he has worked for for years. They say its stressful, and it manifests itself in many ways.
I think I am the problem as there doesnt seem to be probs DH side, although we just seem to have low fert on the first go, so went for ICSI second go, and got a better fert result. 
I'm going through the green eyed monster stage at the moment, and its hard. 
Dont put extra pressure on yourself to lose weight and deal with the emotional side of this next cycle all at the same time. Wishing you well.

Popsy x


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## LexySmoker

7Novermber, I just think it sux so much that testing is not done before you even start the first cycle , I don't understand this "lets just see what happens" carp!!, you don't treat cancer without knowing what cancer you have!! , the same should go for fertility  makes me so angry, I would fight to get the tests done if I were you, you shouldn't have to go through anymore pain.xxx


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## LexySmoker

AW222, no worries at all, I'm happy to help.
Best Best Best of luck with the 2ww I hope Af stays far away.
xxxx


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## blondieh

Popsy, Gosh Hun that's bad, I hope you get what your after and your pain gets better. I'm lucky I know but I need more. Dh and I have also been to hell and back losing babies etc but it makes you stronger. I know you will get there xxxx


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## bright skies

Hi blondei  April and the rest of you lovely strong girls. I am due to start our 3rd icsi  treatment  in a few wks but for some reason am feeling totally unprepared mental and physically . I'm trying to sort myself out and I think a wk off work Will do me some good I think. All of us have been through so much already and it is hard to stay so positive sometimes?! I'm hoping so much this Will be 3rd time lucky for us we are at a new clinic for us too as its a "free " nhs go. As they like to put it. Clinic seems nice and I sure if I take some time out of work I Will be ok. Just wanted to share. Goodluck to everyone else who is waiting to start again! X


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## April33

Hi bright skies  

Totally understand how hard it is to stay positive! 

Time off work sounds like a good idea! Relax, treat yourself, have a week of doing just what you want to do!


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## bright skies

Hello. I've booked a week off and feel better about it already!   Coming on here really helps xx


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## April33

Hi bright skies - so, any ideas of what you're going to do on your week off work?


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## blondieh

Bright skies I think a week off work is a great idea, keep calm and enjoy yourself xxxx


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## Grace72

Hi ladies

Hope I can join this thread. I had my first IVF and it wasn't successful . We are gutted and hoping we can enjoy Christmas and NYE by switching off from it all. 

We at least have an answer to why TTC was not working out. ICSI was suggested as the next move.  How long do you have to wait to allow your body to recover ? Did anyone get advice on what nutrition they needed to speed up the process?  

Also TBH the whole process is getting both of us down, more due to the clinic itself. We are thinking of moving to another clinic. Did anyone have a hard time having their papers transferred ? As timing is important and maybe further tests need to be done with a new clinic I was thinking of doing what i can now before 2012.

Thanks


Grace


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