# new, confused and...bit sad



## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hello there

I'm new to this, well the writing bit, but I've read loads of your messages which I've found so helpful over the last months. 

Anyway, DH and I have been told - after natural miscarriage (12 weeks), three failed ivf attempts (all good embryos though, which was confusing) -  that at my grand old age, 43 last month, we should think of DE. 

I think it's an amazing opportunity and can't say how wonderful the donors are and am coming round to the idea. Problem is, do we spend dosh on last try (not sure I have it in me to be honest but can probably have one more go) at ARGC, which frankly, sounds terrifying but their results seem better than most clinics at my age, or go for DE? DH wants to try again and isn't sure about DE, although am sure he'll be fine in time. 

Any thoughts, similar experiences, advice? 

PS thank you all for keeping me sane recently!


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## butterflywings (Jul 9, 2007)

hiya
        i would consider another try with your own eggs... maybe try some vitamins for a few months, i know some women take DHEA... some studies say it makes your body behave like a woman in her 20`s... however i wouldnt recommend taking it without first consulting with your clinic, but certainly invest in some good vitamins.. i have a list available if you would like.

im so sorry for your miscarriage  
have you considered treatment abroad?
much cheaper..and often better than most uk clinics..plus you get a lovely holiday too..
good luck
Helen
xxxxxxx


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I am not sure what I would do in your situation, but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you xxx


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi Helen

Thank you so much for your reply - it helps to talk to people who understand and who are so sympathetic. 

We've got two appts next week at new clinics in London (Guy's and ARGC) who are likely to say that the chances are so slim at 43 there's poss no point continuing, as did a clinic in Norway. But there's another one in Chania, Greece with a good response for older women which I've emailed to ask their advice, so fingers crossed. 

The vits are a good idea - I've been on quite a few and some strange swamp water from a chap called Dr Ali, as well as acupuncture, so that all might help I'm sure. Never heard of DHEA which sounds really interesting thank you - will ask them next week about that. 

Can't help thinking sometimes, "Life eh"?! Mind you, a trip abroad, a new clinic and a little holiday could be just what the doctor ordered!

Many thanks for your kind response

Pxxxx


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi Butterfly wings

Thanks for top vit tips - will deffo try more especially vit C as can't do any harm, although possibly turn me orange...

x

ps not sure if I've posted messages in the right place, but thanks for replying!


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## butterflywings (Jul 9, 2007)

penpot...
              i had treatment in chania.. it was a lovely clinic and Monica is great..
you will find a link to my diary in my signature..it gives more info on the clinic..
i also know of some good villas with pool ..
xxxxxxxx


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Yes, thanks, I'm hoping to hear from them soon (emailed yesterday).

By the way - hope you don't my asking...how did you get on there (just read your diary), good news I hope. And (don't answer if this if you'd rather not), why would DE not be an option..?

x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Penpot, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

Sorry to hear of your loss 

I really can't tell you what to do for the best as I think that's a decision you need to come to but, if you feel strongly about using your own eggs then it's always worth looking at that option. If you have a good FSH, AMH level, produce a decent amount of eggs and good quality embryos then I can't see any particular reaosn - other than age - for you to go down the donor route. It's entirely possible the multiple failures and m/c were resultant in something other than egg quality and perhaps that's somethign you need to determine before you look towards donors - after all, you would hardly want to do another cycle with donor eggs only to get the same outcome (or worse) because you have something else going on.
I might sugegst the ARGC will probably be happy to take you on if your FSH level is 10 or below, but mighr suggest immune testing (not a bad suggetsion given your circumstances). If you wanted a London clinic that has more delaings with older ladies with higher FSH and also could do immune testing then the Lister would be a better option.

Of course, if you decide on the donor route too there is plenty of support on FF for you in makign that decision too! generally speaking though, you would be advised to look abroad for DE tretament as the waiting lists in the UK are fairly long for most clinics (2+ years in some cases!)

Here are some links you might find helpful at the moment. Please do have a look around and explore and start posting around the boards and making friends. FF is a wonderfully supportive community and you can only get the best out of it if you start posting and joining in so, please do so.

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*What can improve egg quality and quantity ~ * CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

*TTC over 40 ~ *CLICK HERE

*Pregnancy loss ~ *CLICK HERE

You can have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck! 

C~x


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Hi C

That's great thanks - have an appt at ARGC next week and see what they say regarding immunity tests, although for some reason, the Lister didn't seem to think I needed them...not entirely sure why. 

Could happily stay on this website all day finding out advice, getting tips etc....the most useful means of communication on the subject I've found. Thank you!

px


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hmm, that surprises me given your history. I was offered immune tetsing by the LIster after just one IVF failure and one m/c. I think it does deoend on which consultant you see there though. I can say with almost certainty the ARGC will recommend them but they don't come cheap (about £800 I think). All in all, an ARGC cycle will cost you in the region of £10k where a DE cycle elsewhere might be considerably less....but,a s I say, if there's other issues...  
All the same, worth waiting to see what they say and decide the best course for you.



C~x


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

A work colleague has had two goes at IVF - after the first ET she told me she went into her attic and moved a couple of boxes around, nothing too heavy and no lifting, just pushing. When she got a BFN she blamed herself. After the 2nd ET she tested a day early got a BFN and stopped her meds, AF came a couple of days later but she now blames herself again that she should have waited. It's a tricky one as I don't want to say the wrong thing and make her feel bad, but does anyone out there feel she might well have damaged things?

Thanks for any views - she realizes she was stupid and is now v upset and a bit fragile.

x


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## Jassie (Jan 27, 2006)

Penpot - for what it's worth, if I had my time again I'd completely bypass all the hynotherapy, vitamins, vegetable juice, organic veg, acupuncture, Chinese herbs, crystal healing, strange teas and faith healing I wasted time and money on, and go straight to ARGC.


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Jassie

Wise words indeed - frankly if my mother-in-law sends me one more cutting about lotions, potions and what I should, should not be eating, drinking, wearing, thinking in order to get pregnant...I might have to send the boys round.


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## butterflywings (Jul 9, 2007)

Penpot said:


> Yes, thanks, I'm hoping to hear from them soon (emailed yesterday).
> 
> By the way - hope you don't my asking...how did you get on there (just read your diary), good news I hope. And (don't answer if this if you'd rather not), why would DE not be an option..?
> 
> x


Sadly i got a BFN... 
DE would not be an option for me as my partner wants my biological baby as i do his... and we both decided a long time ago that it would be our eggs our sperm..or nothing at all... im lucky i have 3 children aged between 11 and 16 yrs... i think if i had no children then i would of considered using a donor.
i wish you every luck in the world
xxxxxxxxx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

butterflywings 

Penpot, regarding your friend. Oh no I am absolutely sure nothing she did caused the negative. Face it, normal women go around every day carrying on as normal and they get pg. If doing somethign a bit strenous caused inmplantaiton failure then none of us would ever conceive. For what it's worth I polished a floor on my first 2ww - BFN and blamed myself. Second one I drove the Carlisle and back, went to a wedding, drunk champagne, had a bop on the dancefloor, had a late night... BFP (ok, didn't last but none of that was why I m/c). Stopping meds? Again, no. Implantation takes place sometime betwe day 5 and about day 9 so stopping meds and testing one whole day early would have made no difference. Easy to second guess and to want to have something to blame, I know but also incredibly easy to lose sight of the fact that, statistically, IVF still fails more often than it works and sometimes it just comes down to dumb bad luck.    for your friend. 

C~x


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## Penpot (Sep 17, 2008)

Butterflywings

I'm so so sorry to hear your news,   - it's so rubbish...if expletives were allowed on this I would say much more, but in the meantime, just know that I'm thinking of you. 

xxxxx

ps thank you for being so honest about ED and best of luck in the future


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