# Adoption Buddies starting 2014/2015 - Part 4



## Laws1612

Wow.....we talk alot!!  

love you girls and the support!!! 

xxx


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## liveinhope

Bookmarking, don't want to miss anything


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## Ozzycat

Ooo a new home x
Just wanted to second laws and say thanku, becs, lorella and loki... I felt so much better after reading your posts x
It was great having little lady at home today and after we spent loads buying clothes for her... I actually burst into tears in boots while choosing the cutest baby grows as I never believed this would be me 😍


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## becs40

Ah Ozzycat! I've loved wee man since very early on, I didn't realise until I had to hand him over to the driver to take him to his final contact a couple of weeks after he moved in. It really hit me! But I still felt like I was a fraud, not a mummy and was just looking after him until this last month. For me I really think it's been the adoption order being granted that suddenly switched it all around but I certainly never realised it was having such an effect. I think also it's been flipping lovely just getting on with things without worrying about next review or sw visit! 
Dh despairs of me buying clothes for little man! I've become addicted to Frugi (disney's fault!), they have some amazing things and although expensive sell on for good money! I also point out to him I missed out on 6 months I need to make up for too!


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## teamug

Hi All, I have just been having a read through some of the posts I have missed ! wow so much has happened

FMN - brilliant news finally you have got your dream, congratulations

Everyone else great reading all of your matching, intros and continuing stories of your new families

We were supposed to meet our daughter last Thursday but it's been changed to be tomorrow now - feeling nervous now, she is apparently very excited about meeting us we even got a video on whatsap yesterday from the FC of her saying how much she is looking forward to meeting us !!  wow that made the tears roll !!

Those still waiting - it will happen hang on in there


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## alig1972

Hi 

Just to bookmark but also give an update.
We received the letter on Friday to say they have upheld one of our complaints and partially upheld 2 others, but are still not going to put us through to Stage 2. Next option is to attend a complaints review panel! So letter is written and going recorded delivery on Monday. The whole assessment was carried out incorrectly and we were intimidated by the SW, so at the very least we want the chance to start again with a new SW. They have admitted that she did things wrong and so did the agency but are still upholding everything the SW said about us! 

At least we should get a chance to have our voices heard and we can have a support person with us at the review panel. 

One more fight! We are not giving up (yet!) 

Ali x


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## Lorella

Oooh! New home xxx


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## becs40

Ooh teamug hie exciting! Good luck for tomorrow.

Ali sorry they're still battling with you but you're absolutely right you deserve to have your voices heard by another if mistakes have been made. Good luck.


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## Primmer

Teamug - good luck for today, so exciting I am sure! X

Ali  - glad you gave not given up and are still fighting, you deserve to be heard and really hope you get a chance to start again with a new sw. Do let us know how you get on at review panel xx


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## Ozzycat

Good luck teamug x very special times x


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## Loki Girl

Have the most amazing time meeting your daughter today Teamug. It's a very special time!!!

Our turn tomorrow when we meet our little man for first time (tho may not be so little since FC told me he was in 18mth clothes!!!!! Hope not he's only 8mths   I can't believe he is in same size as little princess lol!!!) 

Alig - keep fighting and hope you get some answers soon


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## Tw1nk82

Good luck teamug xx


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## Jacks girl

Good luck to all you ladies meeting your littlies for the first time 

xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Thinking of you teamug, ozzy and Loki with intros and initial meetings x and anyone else.... Been short of reading time x

Sorry for the dive in and info finding post.  Bubs has been placed with us for 18 days.... Can't believe he has only been here 18 days!!  He's generally easy going and has cut his first tooth.... Well we can feel it.  He has been really fractious.  Piercing screams at various points throughout the day, so wondering if teeth, or he's unsettled, whether we have done too much with him. Or he's regressing?!  Not sure. 

He's had a great week in terms of development, waving, rolling, better sitting and a tooth....

He settles, but can't think what I am doing wrong.  I can settle him, even if takes 10 mins, when having his bright red faced tantrum.... Though I think pain or distress?  We are obviously giving him what he needs to help with teething... Is it just not cutting it or something else?

Prob waffle, am tired lol!!  Still loving my baby boy xx


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## becs40

Have an amazing day tomorrow Loki! Hope you've been building up your arm muscles as the mummy of another giant here! 

FMN have you tried anbesol for teeth? We tried literally everything and this is the only thing that helped. We found until the tooth was actually through he was suffering with it and it can take weeks for them to actually come through sometimes. I would imagine it's his tooth causing the problem but do you feel you may have been doing too much with him? Only you can know as they're all different and what works for one doesn't for another. I think we pretty much stayed at home with the odd shopping trip or short trip to grandparents for the first 6 weeks or so.


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## Forgetmenot

Because: We've tried calpol, bonjeal, teetha, Ashton's and parsons and another one, but not that!

I will go out tomorrow.  We haven't done anything major, he was so active with FC that I walk him each day with the dog and been swimming as he loves it and went twice a week with FC.  He's seems happy out and about.  I think it's just the teeth....  Going to see hv tomorrow.... Have a few q's re food and weening etc.  I feel like a fish out of water and just want to do my best for him xx


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## becs40

Ah bless you it is horrible. I  swear by anbesol but it is much trickier to get on but extremely effective. You need the liquid form. After one truly horrific night we went to boots and I bought EVERYTHING teething related so we've tried them all lol! I'm sure it's his tooth bless him, it's  such a lot of pain for them when they're so little.
I still feel a bit like a fish out of water when it comes to food with lo mainly because the eats so much and my mum likes to constantly pass comment on this fact!


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## Forgetmenot

Mines a chunk too Becs and trying not to over feed etc!

Just horrid with random piercing screams at random times and sometimes when in high chair and mid feeding....
He gets so red and distraught.... I can settle him
Generally, takes time, just hard to witness and don't know why!!

These kiddies year us!! Know every new parent faces it but feel more pressure due to all they are going through.

Have sw today as well and worried he will kick off, know normal, but always harder with an audience xxx


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## Loki Girl

Are u sure your little man and my little lady are not related FMN   It's exactly what she started doing having massive tantrums only can't blame teeth with her   It took a good couple of weeks to get over them but she has started them again and the screaming. I think hers is lack of sleep. No matter how much we wear her out and no matter how little or long a nap she has she won't sleep past 5am at the moment. She just wakes up screaming and there is nothing you can do except bring her into your bed then she just spends the time trying to climb all over you etc.  She then gets up in a horrible mood, having a tantrum about everything and even yesterday after wearing her out at family BBQ she only had a 45min nap and was vile the rest of the day till she finally went to bed and was still up at 5am and is equally not being nice today!! It's exhausting. She has decided she is not walking again and wants our fingers and just wants to walk up and down house holding your finger. I am trying to stop it and try to engage her in other things but she just throws a tantrum. I will just not be able to walk up and down with her when little man comes so at mo it's bit of tough love and saying no. I wouldn't mind if she was regressing as little man was here lol. I have waited years to hear being called Mummy but yesterday I could cheerfully have not heard that word again   Don't mind it said nicely but she was screaming Mummy all day no matter what I was doing lol. 

Guess we will all get there. Hang in there. I can only sympathise cus can understand what u are going through. Hopefully he is just having a hard time with his teeth. Guess got all that to come as well as a tantruming toddler    Funny cus we were having some lovely days now we have gone backwards. Guess we can't be perfect all the time bless her. Just please sleep lol


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## Forgetmenot

Ah Loki. Massive hugs!! It's hard going isn't it.  Lovely but hard.
Do you think your little girl is feeling anxious/threatened by the impeding arrival?  I guess we can't know how they are internalising it all.  I said to Dh this morning, he's probably feeling unsettled, not recognising things/noticing it's all different.  I guess it's a scary place in their minds.
Hard that they don't sleep, my Lo doesn't do long naps often, I think you need to grow!! Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!!
We will all get through it... Tough early days and onward days am sure, yet once he woke from his screaming ab dabs.... I got the biggest smile... So, he wins mummy over again!!  He's been happily playing now, but screaming after food, so wondering if he has tummy issues.  Going to hv drop in, if no answer, will be a neurotic mummy and go to the doctors lol!!


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## ultrafirebug

Damn it! As our dbs's are not back yet our sw is not coming over tonight to complete stage one. I hate it when it's outside our control. Deep cleaning the house, ironing and packing for two week holiday and completing all the stage one paperwork over the past week we are disappointed x


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## Forgetmenot

What a day! Just don't know what's up with my boy.

He's smilie one minute and screaming the next!  Literally hysterical!!  I can calm and settle him, but can't work out why he is so fractious.  Maybe the placement? His teeth? He just gets inconsolable.  Don't know what I am doing wrong.

Basically my day ended with a freshly washed baby, with an exploding nappy over his sleep suit and because I changed him he vommed all over me!! I did laugh bless him!!

Sw health visitor, didn't find very helpful.  They weren't very discrete, wanted his name and red book, had to explain in front of people why I didn't have one and only a photocopy.  I think I will just go to the nurse or GP next.  Didn't life my first experience.  I think am over sensitive!! Once I made my point one HV was nicer and said we were doing well, the other one was like I know this boy, well of him, and I just didn't like it.

We had baby's sw meeting, she said he was doing great, but then ended up screaming.... I calmed him so ok, just feel like not doing well enough.

Think am just pmt ish.  Arghhhhh sorry for moaning, he's lovely and in reality, he's not been that bad.  Just not my happy boy xx


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## Loki Girl

We had a vile day too FMN except for meeting our boy which was amazing!!! LO was up at 5am and basically would not go back to sleep and was just vile all morning. Took her to town to get her winter coat which I had ordered and she was so awful, I have never known her be like that. She was constantly moaning and screaming and shouting Mummy. It was first time I actually gave up and came home lol. It doesn't bother me like it did in beginning. It's just her. I am not a bad parent she's just testing and I think she has that type of character where she will continue to test and we just have to be consistent and fair. I have noticed its an attention thing as we are back to screaming when I am talking to DH or my parents who babysat today when we went to meet little man. She only slept an hour this morning and we actually put her to bed at 7 which we haven't done before it's usually 7.30. Just couldn't stand it any longer and she actually hit me!!!! She was looking for attention but she didn't get it lol. Just hope she's not awake at 4 now. But think it may be normal for your little guy between maybe teething and settling. We had health visitor come to house to see us. She had been little lady's health visitor so know all about her. We have to give the red book back and they will photocopy the relevant stuff and then give us a new one. I wouldn't worry too much but if you are worried bout him being horrible after eating go see your GP. Keep a close eye on him and try and record when it happens and if it is just after eating. Could be intolerant to something. How is he sleeping at night? Any better?

Our little guy was just gorgeous and I was like wow what a lovely change to a tantruming screaming toddler!!! FC was worried cus he had been very clingy and crying even with people he knows so she wasn't sure how he would react to us but he was great. She was even leaving room and he was fine. He was fine with both DH and I. She has even started putting him into bed for nap and he was sleeping an hour and a half!!! I was like that's fab!! We stayed way longer than we should of lol. Have to say as much as the little lady has been horrible when we got back she was so excited to see us and we got lots of hugs and kisses which was lovely. Didn't last long and she played up all through tea before we finally got her to bed dosed up with Calpol for good measure incase there is anything else going on with her lol. So tomorrow have to go 7.30-10.30 then I go back on my own at 5pm to observe tea and bed. 

Teamug, Ozzy how are things going?

Ultrafire - hang in there it may all catch up. We waited ages to start stage one cus we had just missed the 1st prep course and had to wait 2mths for the next one. We also waited over 4mths for our DBS but they did accept us into stage 2 before they were back. You will soon be cruising along.


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## ultrafirebug

Thanks Loki. I rang dbs and they are going to put our dbs's through as a priority now. I have one outstanding for helping out at my sons school but that one is not as important as this one lol. Ah little ones. I was at a BBQ yesterday and my friends 2 year old was screaming to watch Pepper (Pig) the whole time. Bless them x


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## Anjelissa

Bookmarking 
x


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## becs40

Ah FMN I sympathise with the hv and gp experience thet can be so insensitive. I have to say I saw a GP that hadn't seen before a little while ago and he was so lovely which surprised me as my mum had said she didn't get on with him as he was very matter of fact. Hv I've yet to meet a nice helpful one! However the nurse we saw for his jabs last week was really lovely and had remembered him coming in when the bee he was trying to eat stung him! I would definitely go see GP if you think it's happening more around food just to get it checked out.
Loki   Can only imagine how draining it is! Can sympathise on the earlies as we've been 5.15-5.30 every day for about a week or so now and having real battles for sleep. Have to say we had a lovely day today though, it was our celebration hearing and that was 10am right when he should be napping! We went to the seaside afterwards which is 1 1/2hours so we kept him awake until after hearing and he slept all the way to the coast then he slep for an hour coming back and woke up at 5 so thought no chance for bedtime. However he was out like a light at 7.30 after one of the most calm,pleasurable lovely bedtimes ever!


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## Forgetmenot

Loki seems as calpol is our new best friend!!!

We were up at 430 again to screaming and it's only just stopped.
I have checked everything so just don't know... Makes you feel awful.

So happy to read about your little boy, super cute x

Little lady will get there just going to be a challenge, but I msure she is doing great.  I think when I  being tough on myself I think he's only been home 20 days!!

Becs that's for advise, I might just take him today... Just don't know what's the matter with him!!

Gonna be a long day xx


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## becs40

Hope you get some answers FMN. Maybe he's also picking up on your anxiety which is just a vicious circle then! It's so hard when they're that age to help them.   do you get out with him much in the buggy? My lo used to love it and would settle for ages in it although FC used to nap him in a pram on one of those automatic rockers as he had bad colic.


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks becs.  We go out all the time... Lots of walking in the pram.... We've covered a lot of miles this week already lol!!
Am very calm with him when screaming as don't want him fretting.  Just can't understand why he's being such a devil!!
I am sure he is just unsettled with teeth and the move and we just have to work through it.....just feel helpless x


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## becs40

Ah I'm sure you're very good with him but you're obviously worried about him and they sense these things. I'm sure you're right about the teeth and move though it's such a lot for them. It's only looking back now 
I can see how our little man was with the move and yet at the time we and everyone had said how well he'd settled and bonded with us, sadly it is only time that helps that and lots of mummy cuddles. I hope he settles a bit for you today.


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## Forgetmenot

In sure you are right x he's had so much change and meeting new people x
He takes it all in his stride but guess you never know what goes on inside their minds.
We have an apt at docs this morning so gonna go and be a nutter to be told it's his teeth get on with it!!!
Still least we know it's nothing else!!
Only two screaming fits, a nap and a cuddle so far lol xx


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## DRocks

Can I join you here?


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## moobags

Hi Disney how are this ?

FGMN I don't think your being nutty you just need some reassurance from the doc which is understandable you have entered a wonderful exciting new world that is probably scary too your doing a fab job you and LO are still getting to know one another.  He maybe testing the water to make sure that when he cries his needs are going to be met which they are you both need reassurance while you get used to the new life that you have all started.

I know this isn't the same but just wanted to share with you.  When me and DH get together his youngest daughter was 7 she refused to acknowledge me even when I was in the room it was like I didn't exist (she's a real Daddy's girl) anyway Christmas of that year MIL and FIL came round MIL gave me a huge hug etc at that point SD saw that I had been given the approval of someone else she trusted so she handed me the WII control and we played tennis lol from that point on she hasn't left my side she is my best buddy.  I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes it takes a while for things to click before trust in whatever guise is given its hard going because you think they hate you and how can you ever have a life together if acceptance and a relationship is not there but it comes out of nowhere then the bond is unbreakable and the pain you have gone through is worth it.

Hope all of you lovely peeps and mini peeps are well nothing for me to report we have medical advisor meeting coming up but still no panel date which is making me extremely nervous and vulnerable can't help feeling that something is not right and it's all going to go horribly wrong.

Moo x


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## Forgetmenot

Disney! Yay how are you? X

Thanks so much moo for sharing, these kiddies are their to test us, they have all been through it x he's so lovely and smilie, but you just don't know what goes on like you say.  He's been a little happier today, so mugging me off as when I go to the docs he will be sweetness and light and 'work' the surgery with his cuteness lol.  He's so beautiful... I know he should be handsome, but he's beautiful!!

I am sure panel date will follow.  Having the meetings is key though... They are investing in you guys and you are destined to be their mummy x exciting times ahead xx


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## becs40

Hi Disney,
How's things? Any news from you? Nice to see you here with us.

Busy organising our celebration party for Saturday. I was always such an organised person until little nan arrived and now it's chaos! I guess the important things are dealt with anyway food ordered and soft play hired lol!


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## Lorella

Hi all

FMN and Loki - sorry to hear your LOs are atruggling with their teeth etc. Definately difficult times with the pesky teeth! We've just had a week of calpol at bedtime as 2 incisors coming through. Seems to do the trick for our little lady. She also comes out in little spots bless her and has a hacking cough and mega runny nose to accompany it all. She battles on though , she's a tough cookie and rarely moans. Think we are lucky. 

Exciting about Saturday Becs. Have a fabulous day! I'm the same..... Mega organised before but defo let a few more things slip these days! Don't mind though as nice to have the excuse of being a mum!

Teamug - how did you get on?

Xx


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## DRocks

Nope nothing here, I'm chilled about it thought. I'm literally beyond caring about the whole thing.
Nice to read all your goings on.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi All, 

After a long long LONG long long long LONG long wait we finally atart stage one mid Sept, I'm really keen to natter with others at a similar point 

Bubble xxx


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## becs40

Well they say the best things come to those who wait so I'm sure when your life finds you she will be completely amazing! I really hope it happens soon for you Disney!


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## Neniel

Hello,

My husband and I are currently attending Info evenings from several LAs...so I guess we're not quite where you are yet, but not too far away either.

Regards, 
S


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## Forgetmenot

Saw the gp... Said little man doing great and is ok!!
So just the toothy pegs bless him!
Was the picture of smiles and health in the surgery!!
He's eaten well today on three major incidents of screaming 
Hoping for a quite night x

How was your girlie Loki.... Any better? Xx


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## Ozzycat

I can't believe my little girl, my daughter moves in for good tomorrow!!! These last 10 days have flown by... they've been incredible and completely overwhelming but we've finally reached the end of a 5yrs journey and tomorrow we move forward with a new one... I feel so blessed and so unbelievably excited x
Weve just been out for dinner... Our last evening as a couple... DH is beside himself with excitement and he's still got another 2 weeks off work with us x
TOMORROW IM FINALLY GOING TO BE A MUMMY 😍😍😍


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## becs40

Oh brought tears to my eyes reading that Ozzycat bringing back those feelings. Have an amazing day tomorrow.

I'm just loving everyday more and more at the moment. I feel a complete wreck as every muscle in my body aches with no hope of recovery yet (nearly 8 months in!) from my 2 stone non walking bubba but I wouldn't change it. This past week I've really seen a huge difference in how he is with me. He's started coming over to me for a cuddle and I get the most amazing beaming smiles and giggles from him. It really is suddenly like that connection has been made now and it's amazing. He's always been a happy baby but these smiles are a whole different league altogether. Would still rather be seeing him at 6am though as opposed to 5 but hey I'll take it 😊


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## Forgetmenot

Ozzy enjoy your special day, the first bit is hard but once your driving home you will be on your way.

Can believe we brought out little man home 3 weeks ago.... Crazy x love him!

Happy days mummy  x


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## Tw1nk82

Its lovely to read everyones updates about their babies. I cant believe that in less than four weeks i get to meet mine. Im so excited about it all. Panel on the 18th then im finishing work on the 21st xx


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## Primmer

Ozzycat - have an amazing day today, you are a mummy and your daughter is coming home, how magical and wonderful xx


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## Sinead79

We're not far behind, recently attended an open evening and getting forms back to the LA this week


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## Barbados Girl

Best feeling. The bond does grow with time and I think also when you get shot of sws and can be yourself. Pixie hugs us so much and he presses his little face against my arm or leg or face for comfort when he is tired. It is amazing, amazing.


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## becs40

It sure is BG. I thought it was wonderful anyway up until now but since AO granted something has changed and it's just incredible. Really feeling like a proper mummy now.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi ladies, 

Thanks for the replies, it's such a complicated process that I hoped to be able to share the milestones with some new FF pals! We are located in the Midlands. 
Sinead - It doesn't sound like you'll be far behind at all!

Neniel - It's equally difficult and exciting trying to chose the right LA/VA for you isn't it? 

Look forwards to chatting more  

We have spoken with our SW and she is going to come out for a refresher on the 24th August, we last saw her in Jan before some 'nightmare insurance work' began on a leak lol


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## Ozzycat

Wow my baby girl is asleep upstairs!!!
What an emotional day.. The poor foster family where so upset... all 6 of them (mum dad and 4 kids) were all there... We couldn't have asked for a more incredibly family... they will always be apart of ours and our daughters life x
Normal day of play food and naps but this time she had dinner here then a bath, story, bottle and bed x
Hubby cried reading her a story and then cried again when I gave her a bottle bless xxxx
And she's gone straight to sleep x
Hubby and me are doing good tho for 2 incredibly organised and tidy people this process has come as a shock!
The house looks like we've turned it upside down and shaken all the contents loose and we keep loosing everything!! We've only just bought the baby monitor and already we've lost the charger!!!
Welcome to our new life... We couldn't be happier 😍


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## Forgetmenot

Sounds perfect ozzy!  Congratulations!  Keep peeping through that door! xx


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## becs40

Ah Ozzycat perfect! If it's a video monitor don't watch it all night! 😀

You think it's chaos now, you wait it's nothing to what you'll have in store in a few months! A 1 year old could make a tornado look peaceful 😂!


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## Kylie47

Massive congratulations Ozzycat aka Mummy! Sounds like the most amazing day. I hope your daughter sleeps well tonight in her new home xxx


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## Tw1nk82

Amazing ozzy xxx


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## Lorella

Ah so lovely Ozzycat xx


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## Neniel

Hi,

It is exciting, but also difficult. We're in the midlands, too


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## AoC

Congrats, Ozzy!  Be prepared for when you realise your normally reliable brain has stopped working... ggg


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## pringle

Hi ladies hope you are all well 

Congratulations Ozzycat.

I know what you mean tw1nk, about exciting feelings . We go to matching panel on the 17th August, so looks like we will be starting intro about the same time.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend

Pringles x


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## Loki Girl

Ozzy loving your updates Mummy!!!!!

We are 3 days into intros with little man and finding it hard going. He's doing really well and getting lots of cuddles and cutie smiles. The prob is his gorgeous 19mth old sister. She is soooooooo jealous!!! She only met him for first time today and he spent the day in our house. She was really excited to see him but wanted all his toys which is fair enough in a toddlers eyes they are all new to her so we tried to encourage her to make sure little man had at least one lol. The main prob is me. She gets really upset if I am holding him, doesn't want DH wants me. I had to feed little man with her on my lap which I didn't mind if that's what she needs to do right now and she was no bother so I managed. Poor DH is feeling a bit lost cus he has had little lady while I have been doing intros if my parents haven't had her and they have all been getting on fine but think he feels a bit neglected she wants me all the time and little man isn't a 100% with him yet. I know it's very very early days but if any of you have any tips that can help little lady with dealing with me and little brother I'll be all ears lol. We all went to the park and little man fell asleep so DH took him off walking and I spent some quality with little lady in the swings. 

He went for nap no prob at our house but woke up after only half an hour tho it was a later nap due to when foster carer went and our link worker came. Unfortunately he was inconsolable which woke up little lady and she had been up since 5.30 so she def needed more sleep but wouldn't go back to sleep!!! So everyone was bit fraught but we managed to calm down then all was good. Little lady didn't fare so well tonight cus we took little man back and had dinner with FC and then put him down for bed at 7.00. He went fine but unfortunately little lady was getting past it so food went all over floor and she started playing up. Finally got her home at 7.30 and she fell asleep straight away bless her. Think the whole family is exhausted lol. 

Will be good to get little man home on Tues and we can start to get used to things. Can't blame little lady being out of sorts when everyone has been coming and going. I feel like bed but going to sort through all the clothes FC sent. There is sooooo much I despair where to put it. Does an 8mth old baby really need 20 sleepsuit a and that doesn't include the ones he obviously has still at her house for the next couple of days!!!!

Hope everyone is doing ok tho xx


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## pyjamas

Adoption Order paperwork now completed and posted. SW said that BM says she will contest but they think she probably wont actually do it. She said the same with her 1st child that was adopted but didn't so we will wait and see. We are meeting LOs half brother (different fathers) and his adopted parents, next week end which we are looking forward to. Cant wait for AO to be granted as its a real drag having to wait in for SW visits, and until the AO you feel like something may go wrong! x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

We looked at and spoke to a few, for various reasons it came down to two for us in the end. 
Hoping we've made the right choice our SW seems lovely which is MASSIVE for us xxx


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## Lorella

Just wanted to quickly say to Lokis Girl - sounds like you are doing amazingly even though you might not think it at the mo. Yes it's gonna be hard for your little lady but you are doing all the right things and once you get settled into your own routine you will forget all this upheaval and unstructuredness xx

Oh also we hardly got any clothes from FC so yes that amount of sleep suits does sound a lot! I would still keep it all though but maybe box some up x


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## becs40

Ah Loki sounds tough but I guess you knew it was always going to be harder with a newly placed lo in the equation as well so are at least emotionally prepared as much as you can be. Roll on bringing him home so you can get into your own routines, that's bound to help enormously in itself. Mean whilst stay strong and don't be hard on yourself, you're doing an amazing job in an incredibly difficult situation.

Pyjamas fab news! Hope you get a quick hearing date. We were told bm would contest and wrote to say she would be doing so but didn't turn up (suspect she was just late but judge used it as an opportunity to grant AO without fuss!). You're absolutely right about the sw visits etc though I never appreciated quite how much of an effect all that has until now that we don't have any!

We had our celebration party today and it was a fabulous day. It was amazing to see his foster carers again (not seen them since he was placed) and lovely that he had no recognition of them at all which sounds awful but I was worried it could trigger some unsettledness from him. I was already very emotional about the whole day and significance and seeing fc's again when the postman turned up with his new birth certificate! How incredible it should arrive on this very day, an omen! So that was it, completely dissolved me to see it their in all its glory! Truly unique, amazing, fabulous day.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ozzy and Loki, hope you are doing ok with your bambinos, thinking of you all the time, early days are exhilarating but exhausting!!

Becs, glad you had a lovely day... So glad your lo had his full attentions on his mummy and daddy on his special day xx

Hope everyone else is all ok.  Take care xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Congrats on the celebration day Becs. Bet u couldn't believe you actually got there lol. Must be an amazing feeling to of made it so far. 

We have finally almost completed our intros with little man. Today is the review at 10 and then the stupid plan says we are to spend a few hours with him with little lady until 2pm then he has his afternoon with his FC. There is no way that is happening. Little lady continues to be an absolute nightmare and is almost getting worse. She was up at 5.30 so there is no way we will be there till 2. It's a stupid plan considering he sleeps 10.30-12.30 and little lady will need a nap by 10.30/11. We want to do something really special for her just the 3 of us and plan to take her to the Sealife Centre and then maybe get her present from baby brother cus she is really struggling with everything. 

I am not prepared to put her through anymore. She is absolutely horrible to care for at moment and it is taking every inch of patience and sanity I have to deal with her. I believe it is a combination of the complete and utter change to the family routine again. DH is around all the time, sometimes I am here, sometimes I am not, grandparents who do everything and anything she wants cus obviously they don't know her that well and don't want to upset her. We had her sorted going to bed and now we are back to her being distraught if we leave her to the point she won't even go into her bed she wants to lie on us then she is calm. This I don't mind so much at the mo cus it just points to her being unsure as to whether we are going to be around or not. But during the day I am trying to juggle everything and even when we are having a lovely time she will suddenly turn and start screaming or trying to hit me. She is great with little man (apart from wanting everything he has!!!) and he at least is oblivious to the screaming which is good cus there is a lot of that!!! We are trying to do naps differently so they nap at different times which gives me time with each of them but then equals a very tired mummy. It's so difficult when trying to bond with him as well. I took little lady out yesterday while he slept and that was good. She was better but still some screaming for no reason or any logical reason I can see anyways lol. 

Once little man is placed tomorrow I think our plan is to just stop seeing everybody and concentrate on us as our family and getting into a routine. The prob will be again when DH goes back to work as think that will upset her again. I just hope and pray that little man doesn't get upset by it all and that she doesn't wake him up with her screaming. He sleeps from 7-7.30/8 so to have little lady screaming the minute she opens her eyes is going to be hard for him. At the mo FC has been great and if you go in there and say night nights give him his dummy back if he has lost it he goes back to sleep. Little ladies foster carers never did that so as soon as she wakes from nap or in the morning it's just immediate full on screaming. And to think years a go I hated being woken up by a quiet radio and needed 3 snoozes to convince myself to get up. Now get jolted awake by piercing screaming, quickly get her before it escalates into something ridiculous then one of us has to get milk while the other one listens to the screaming then finally we have some peace while she drinks her milk!!!

But anyways I think the hardest part is not knowing the best way to handle it. SW's don't care and don't have any advice and don't want to say too much incase they say little man can't come and I just feel we can't draw this out any longer cus little lady is getting worse. We only have to leave her one more time tomorrow while we go get him but then hopefully we can grit teeth and hibernate tho I may need to wear ear muffs to block out her constant screaming hahaha. 

Wish us luck!!!


----------



## becs40

Oh Loki well done you! I'm sure it's hard enough adopting a second but a million times worse when number 1 is still so little and newly placed herself. As you say get through today and then when he's home you can build/repair relationships. Hopefully she'll settle back quickly when you get back home to your normal routine even with little man there.
Just a heads up on sleep though, our little man slept through at fc's from 7.30pm-8.00am but the move unsettled him and it's taken a few months to get it settled again and still not perfect. Just didn't want you to think it was down to you if his sleeping pattern goes out the window. Little man used to always just be put in the cot and left to go to sleep but now has to be rocked to sleep most of the time. So be prepared but remember it's the move and not you that has changed things if he is unsettled.
Good luck and I hope you get yourselves settled at home quickly.


----------



## Tw1nk82

You are doing fantastic Loki xxxxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks Becs. I am fully prepared that he may not sleep as well after reading your past posts and FMN's. I am fully expecting that he will be great for a week like little lady then change lol. The prob we will have is he hates to be cuddled or rocked and if he gets hysterical the only thing the FC can do is sit him in his bouncy chair with his blanket and let him calm down then he falls back asleep. This is the part I find the hardest that as a Mummy you just want to cuddle and soothe them. When little lady is really distraught she is same she really pushes you away and we have to resort to Peppa Pig to do our job!!! I am much more confident as a Mummy now so think I will be ok understanding it's just the change and not my fault lol. It was such a shock when it happened with little lady I was in tears as you know I felt awful and useless as a mother. This time round I know it may take a while but not going to blame myself. 

FC took a beautiful photo of the 4 of us. Our first official family photo of the 4 of us. It is gorgeous and everyone is smiling and I look at it and can't believe these 2 beautiful smiling children are ours. I will continue to look at that when the going gets rough lol 

Thanks Tw1nk xx


----------



## Woodland_Maiden

IM not far behind...attending info event 6th Oct and then start assessment straight away


----------



## suze3004

Hi there, we are currently filling the forms to be accepted into stage one so hopefully not too far behind at all! X


----------



## Macgyver

We are hopefully not to far behind, just waiting on info evening dates. Should get them in a few days x


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi Loki, I hope uve had a better day today and ur little lady has enjoyed her day out with you xxx
Becs congratulations on your adoption order I bet you're celebration party was lovely x

AFM... Well our gourgous girl has been home 5 days already and I still can't believe we got this lucky... she is a dream baby!!! Giggles all the time and is so unbelievably patient with us x
She reaches out for cuddles and her whole face lights up when we come in the room 😍 and as soon as she starts to grissel we put the TV charts on and she starts bouncing away to the music... I'm in awe just watching her... her little habits are adorable... xx
She wakes a lot throughout the night so we're exhausted but we knew this was coming... there's nothing more magical when she comes into bed with us in the morning xx
I've been incredibly lucky, hubby's off for another 10 days so been working thro this together... couldn't have done this by myself... 
Being hounded by family and friends as everyone wants to meet her, even those who went on the training and were told no visitors for awhile... but it's lovely to know they care x
Hope everyone else is having a lovely week.. Now for that glass of wine 😊


----------



## Ozzycat

Can anyone remember how to request being part of the closed adoption forum? Thanku xxxx


----------



## moobags

FFAF on ******** is what you need x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow Loki! Hang in there! You have full on intros and little girl whose trying to adjust to her new life and mummy and daddy and now a brother!  She must be going through.  Your little boy sounds adorable.  I hope you get lucky with the sleeping.  Our little boy has started to settle again.... Until the next time lol!!

Ozzy, your little girl sounds precious.  I still, almost four weeks in can't believe this not so little bundle on blue loveliness is mine.... It's just magical.  Enjoy every single second.

AFM we had our review today.  Need to write settling in letter.... Remember reading something about this and someone said they had done an amazing one? Can't find now

They were really happy... Second review in 6 weeks.... Then paperwork, OMG!! Time is flying.

How's everyone else doing? Xx


----------



## Laws1612

ozzycat ill put your name forward give it a day or so and it will appear x


----------



## becs40

Ozzycat send a message to "Mel" and she can add you to the group. It sounds like your lo has settled well. The nights are a killer but it's amazing how quickly it becomes normal!  

Loki sounds like you've got it covered! I'm sure little man will soon adapt and he may well be different in regards to being settled with you at home anyway hopefully. Good luck tomorrow.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Could I also laws? Thanks xx


----------



## Cbelle1

Hi everyone 

I'm loving reading this forum at the mo. There is so many great things happening for you all.

We are off to panel on the 18th and the nerves are kicking in now. If anyone has any advice, I would be most grateful. I keep thinking what if they ask us a question and my mind goes blank!!

Chelle 
Xx


----------



## Katkins1

Well, I have been an avid reader for a couple of years and can't thank you ladies/ gents enough for your contributions to this board. There must be so many people like me who just read it and gain so much information and advice because you take the time to post. I feel my route along this rocky road has been made easier by reading your posts. Thank you  

Matching panel in a few weeks so I'm loving all your posts about introductions too. Thanks lots and lots


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck Katy! It just gets better!
These ladies and their kiddies are Amazeballs xx


----------



## pyjamas

Becs so glad your celebration day was all you hoped for. We had to meet with FC after about two months and were worried that it would be upsetting for LO but she too did not seem to recognise FC which were pleased about! xxxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Well our review is done and little man has been home for four weeks!

I cannot believe where the time has gone, and how our lives have changed.  He is a little ray of sunshine in the world.  I love his smell, his noise and most of all his heart melting smile.  How did we get so lucky?!  All the waiting and heartache is SO worth it! 

He is a pure joy, most days!  We have seen so many changes in these few weeks, that I feel sad his birth parents couldn't get it together.  He is a beautiful little boy and our lives are going to be all the richer for having the privilege in bringing him up.

So incredibly blessed and thankful xx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

Have been reading the thread but now I can properly join !! After a very long wait we have been matched with a 15 month old girl ! Very excited  

Beckyboo x


----------



## becs40

Ah congrats Beckyboo! Let the madness begin! 😀


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Just a quick post from me, I haven't been able to catch up on the thread yet but I wanted to let you know our intros start tomorrow! First with our DS and then his little sisters next week. The plan is hectic so it's going to be a mental few weeks until they are all home.

Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations beckyboo xxx

Paula thats fantastic news hope everything goes well for you xxxx

Two days until our matching panel. Im feeling quite anxious again thinking they will say no xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Oooo good luck twink and Paula... Can't wait to hear ur news x
Congratulations Betty boo and welcome x
AfM little lady settling in great and were loving family life... Bit nervous about hubby going back to work on Wednesday  but im sure it will be fine eeeeekkkkkkkkk! 
Hope everyone else is having a lovely weekend x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow, think all us repro ladies are with child, matching or intro'in get  so great we have all made it to this point.... Days just keep getting better xx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Twink - they are not going to say No!!!! Everything will be fine and matching panel is nicer than approval, it's more relaxed and it's about the LO rather than you. They will be supportive and excited and we found it to be a lovely time. We passed our photo book around the panel which they loved.

Xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks Paula i just keeping thinking that something is going to go wrong. I will feel so much better once Tuesday is over with xxx


----------



## becs40

Good luck Paula! Really is going to be a busy few weeks for you.  

Twink you'll be fine, hope you have some celebrations planned for Wednesday night!


----------



## pringle

Hi ladies  , hope you've all had a lovely weekend.

Lovely to hear your update ozzycat.

Good luck Tw1nk.

Good luck Paula.

Congratulations Beckyboo.

Glad your review went well forgetmenot.

Congratulation Bec on your celebration day.

Sorry if I've missed anyone.

Afm: matching panel tomorrow, I'm so nervous.   They say yes to us.

Xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Good luck tomorrow pringle xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Good luck pringle... Can't wait to see that  list that was originally started all reading "mummies" now  😍


----------



## becs40

Ah Pringles good luck! Then the countdown is on!


----------



## Primmer

Pringle - good luck for panel, sure you will be fine


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Good luck Pringle!

Well what can I say...our son is perfect. He made us feel so at ease and we spent a lovely few hours together playing with Lego. He was really talkative, funny, engaging, cute, inquisitive and so much more.

We really felt a great connection, the cuddles were amazing and he called us mum & dad!

DH & I cried on the way home, we can't wait to see him again tomorrow.

On cloud nine!!!! X


----------



## pringle

Thank you ladies. 

We got a yes today & ppm booked for the end of the week.  

Glad to here all went well Paula today.

Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

So happy to read your post Paula x best feeling in the world!! Enjoy every special moment xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Congrats Pringles!!! Yay xx


----------



## becs40

Congrats Pringle! Exciting times ahead.  

Paula sounds amazing, enjoy every second it flies by!


----------



## Cbelle1

Approval panel tomorrow, starting to get nervous!! X


----------



## Tw1nk82

Paula sounds amazing xxxx

Pringles congratulations xxx

Chellebelle good luck for tomorrow xxx

Nerves are kicking in now. I hope we get a yes tomorrow xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Wow loads happening x
Good luck tomorrow chellebelle and twink x
Massive congrats primer. . How old is ur LO?
Paula keep ur lovely updates coming xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Twink - will be thinking of you tomorrow my lovely.

Chellebelle - good luck too.

It's great to read such great updates.

X


----------



## poppy05

Hi all


We are attending an info evening on 7th oct, i assume we will be given the stage one application forms then? 
Feeling excited to be starting our new journey, also very nervous of what lies in store, have no idea what to expect? 
It will be so good to have you all to chat too as we all begin this together.


Have (did) you all have a big list of questions to take along to the info eve? 
I'm thinking we should perhaps start that now? as there will probably be so much we want to ask, but on the night forget everything!!


We have chosen to go with a VA (at the moment) has anyone else? or are you all with LA? 
That i found a bit confusing, i had no idea really who to contact, the reason we decided to try the VA was because after my last failed ivf i had some counselling, and my counsellor was an adoption counsellor for the VA, so i kind of felt drawn towards contacting them, how do you know if you have chosen the right agency? 
I feel really stupid as i know nothing, its bringing back memories of when i began my ivf journey 12 years ago, sitting in the clinic knowing absolutely nothing, im reading through posts within this board trying to get bits of information, its all a bit mind boggling.


Good luck to you all, and i look forward to getting to know you over the coming months.


Poppy xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi ladies sorry to butt in but I was just browsing and saw some of ur posts and thought I might be able to help x
I was in ur position exactly a year ago and now my amazing beautiful baby daughter is asleep upstairs, she's 8 months and been home with us only 11 days!

LA is ur local authority who remove the children and if being put forward for adoption will try and place "in house" first.
If they can't place in house they will often turn to VA voluntary agencies or adoption link/be my parent Web sites.
Which can mean the  VA have the "harder to place" children. 
Some VA act as a consolutim for a number of the smaller LA so that's worth asking.

We planned to go with a VA but on the information evening for our LA we really liked all the in house therapies and support that was offered to adoptive parents... infact I have my first adoptive toddler and baby group next week... so find out what support ur VA offers should u need it.

I would advise going to a couple of info evenings to see which agency u get a good feel for.
Once uve chosen u complete the registration of interest form and ur on ur way...
Stage 1 takes Aprox 8 weeks 
U complete all ur checks, have medicals,  provide references,  we did 2 days of training and write a MASSIVE report about ur selves,  ur lives, ur relationship, ur support network etc.
Once ur agency is happy with everything u get accepted onto stage 2 which takes Aprox 4-6 months
U get assisnged sw who will come to ur house every week for Aprox 3hrs for about 6 weeks they will then write up ur PAR for panel. U may also be offered more training.
Panel is scary but when u get that yes its the best feeling... but then the waiting game starts... Some people wait months for a match, we were linked within 4 weeks!! And once that happens u jump on board a very fast moving train and go along for the ride... In the space of 6 weeks of being matched I had gone on maternity leave, decorated a nursery and started intros with our little lady xx

It's an amazing and emotional ride but the end results are worth the stresses xxx

Feel free to pm me with any questions, I hope I've helped x
Good luck xxx


----------



## poppy05

Thankyou ozzycat, firstly congratulations, cant begin to imagine how happy you must be feeling   
Your post was very helpful, when i rang the VA i did ask the difference between va and la and she just said that va is nationwide? 
Can i ask what they expect from your financial situation? this is the only area we are concerned about, we have no debt really, we only have a loan (used for building work on our home) we have no credit cards or store cards, and i have a few months left to pay on my car, finishes in march, we have never missed a mortgage payment, all bills etc have always been paid on time, our bills all come out of dw account and she does have an over draught, (as most people do) we dont have any savings as it all got used for our ivf last year, it worries us that we will be refused because we have no savings, dw earns enough money to support us if i wasnt working, i would take a years adoption leave, and also im a hairdresser so will always be able to earn a few quid working from home, do you have any advice regarding this? 


poppy xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi Poppy... VA are nationwide but they don't have any of their "own" children, childrens profiles are put forward to them if LA can't match in house or are part of a LA consortium ... u maybe matched with a child who lives miles away from u. . Just something to keep in mind, our foster carers lived 40 minutes away and driving back and forth sometimes 4 times a day was hard enough!!
Saying that I'm sure many ladies on here can share very positive experiences with their VA

Ur financial situation sounds like most people's so I wouldn't worry x
I would start a savings account for when ur off work just so they can see uve got some money put aside x


----------



## poppy05

Thankyou, and yes thats our plan, we have a joint savings account which will will be saving into, we will need to go shopping in a few months hopefully   


Im probably going to change my mind on this one, but at the moment dw and i would prefer to adopt a child from miles away, i dont like the thought of adopting a child who's bf live nearby, but like i say, we could well think differently once we start the process.


Thankyou for your help, you have put my mind at ease regarding the finances.


poppy xx


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Pringles!

Good lucks and well dones to others....sorry can't keep up at the mo! X


----------



## Cbelle1

We're approved!!! It was scary but they were a friendly bunch, here comes the wait!!


----------



## Tw1nk82

We got an unanimous yes. Cant wait to meet our little man in two weeks. So so happy xxx


----------



## becs40

Congrats ladies!   

Twink how old is little man?


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks Becs he is 14 months old. We are over the moon xx


----------



## becs40

Ah my little man is 14 months today! It's a fab but completely exhausting age but so so gorgeous! I liken trying to keep the house tidy whilst he's awake to trying to catch a postage stamp in a tornado! 
Ah when I wrote that post about moving on to adoption it seems like so long ago and now here we are both with boys the same age!


----------



## Ozzycat

Congrats twink and chellebelle 😙


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Brillant news Chellebelle & Twink, I knew it would be good news.

We've had another great day with our boy, we got some more hugs and kisses. Doing morning routine tomorrow, it will be great to see him wake up...he said he's a happy boy in the mornings!

X


----------



## pringle

Congratulations Tw1nk       It's an amazing feeling isn't it. 

Congratulation Chellebell      .

Loving the updates Paula.

Hope everyone else is well & ok. 

Pringle x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Chellebelle and twink...... Just amazing! Congrats ladies... Wonderful news x

Paula, sounds like another top day xx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi ladies, loving the posts I must check back in more  

Poppy we are going with a VA to, we did look at the LA but decided against them as felt a stronger rapport and like the way the VA we have selected work. 

Ozzycat - Congratulations       I find it really positive and affirming to speak with people who've recently succeeded, make its feel more 'possible' particularly after disappointments and delays, a lady I met on FF and went through tx alongside now has a beautiful little boy via adoption, I hope one day our lo will get the opportunity to play together.. it will feel like a beautiful ending to our shared story so far. 
How does it feel to have your LO home? is it a bit surreal after so long waiting planning and hoping ? I don't think I'll be able to take my eyes off our future family for weeks after we bring them home incase I'm dreaming  

Poppy - Our finances are like yours, in fact we have already talked with our SW about the loan because it sort of came alongside a giant leak that cause us to delay starting stage1 in March and June. She said as long as there was evidence we could afford repayments and it wouldn't impact our ability to provide for a child/children we would be ok   Hope this helps .... 

MacGyver, Suze and Maiden hello ladies  Looking forward to nattering more with you three as well ... I love LOVE  a good ramble lol but I'll try and stay on topic(ish)


Our SW is coming Monday to see us, before we start the 3 day course mid Sept.... Because we've not seen her for 8 months it feels a little like starting again, even though I know logically it's not, I still feel as nervous as the IV


----------



## Macgyver

Hi MMB

Good luck for Monday  I am sure you will be fine. Exciting  not long now 

Poppy- as its already been suggested go to a few info evenings, one a la and one a va. get a feel for both before making your decision. Regarding adopting close to home. All authorities won't place a child with you if bf love close by. I'm from Kent and we looked at a few children in the early stages but we're told we couldn't go further with them as bf either lived close or near to one of our family so there was a risk of us bumping into them.

They will ask to look at your bank statements and saving accs. Don't worry about the fact you may not have a joint acc. My dp and I have been together 23 years and still don't have a joint acc. 

Suze3004 Have you done all your forms? Any dates for prep course yet .?

 Woodland maiden - I bet you are counting down the days for you info evening not long now.

Afu - got dates but the first one we can make is the first week of Nov as the one in September and October clashes with holidays or family events.
Still waiting on our La to see if they are going to open their books to more adopters soon or wether we go with this La.(would like to go through our LA as that was who we used when adopting our ds)
Ds has told us he wants a sister, when we asked why he replied so he doesn't need to share his toys. Not sure being a sister will stop that lol.

Take care and look forward to seeing everyone's good news


----------



## Kylie47

Congrats Chellebelle and Twink!

We've just been approved to adopt at approval panel - over the moon!   xx


----------



## becs40

Congratulations Kylie! Hope you're not waiting too long for a match.


----------



## pringle

Congratulations Kylie


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations Kylie xx


----------



## Lorella

Great news today!


----------



## rosex86

Hi ladies,

So we finally got our official yes today wahoo we are finally gonna be a mummy and daddy soon I hope although still being told the will be a wait xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow! Congrats rose, I know you guys have been through the ringer x you will get there x 17 months in total, but so worth every tear cried xx

Congrats Kylie x


----------



## Kylie47

Thanks all!

Congrats Rose! xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Congratulations Rose xx


----------



## becs40

Congrats Rose! Hope you're not waiting too long.x


----------



## Lorella

Great news Rose x


----------



## pringle

Congratulations Rose


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Congratulations Kylie & Rose, fab news.

Another great day today, spent the day with our son without FC. He was much more natural today and more childlike. We did school shoes and a trip to toys r us. Tomorrow he comes home for a few hours and then we spend all weekend with him (not sleeping) and then Monday he comes home for good!

We then start intros with girls next Thursday.

When we left tonight he said 'your the best mummy & daddy in the world'.  We cried again on the way home with joy!!!

X


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Nerves kicking in now lol, also using the opportunity to see if we are writing our homework up correctly (she's letting us start it before the home visits so we have more actual time during them)


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sounds amazing Paula xx

Well thats my last day at work finished with. Next week is my birthday then the following week we get to meet our son. Eekk so exciting xxx


----------



## poppy05

Good luck for Monday Mr & Mrs Bubble


----------



## Paulapumpkin

This weekend we have our son home all day, he has to go back for bedtime to FC house. Yesterday he met my nephew and they got on so well, I think they are going to be best friends forever. Monday is the big, we can't wait to have him home forever!

Next Thu we meet our girls for the first time.

X


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Thanks Poppy


----------



## suze3004

Good luck Mrs Bubble! 

AFM, we have now filled in the majority of the forms, just need to decide on references x


----------



## Gertie5050

good luck for tomorrow my lovely, you deserve this more than anyone I know, remember dreams do come true xxx


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

So the 24th is here and less than one hour to go  
The house has been cleaned top to bottom lawn mowed and tidied, the house has been febreezed to within an inch of legal safety limits, the dogs walked and tired out ............ Let's hope our ability to use febreezed successfully earmarks us as clearly a potentially amazing adoptive parental unit lol  

I have been telling myself I cannot CANNOT cannot stay this nervous before ever visit or home visits will be a nightmare lol! Think it's just the fact we've not seen anyone since January due to the delays with the leak at home, so hopefully this will be an icebreaker back into the process! 

So lucky to have a SW we genuinely like that seems to like us! 

Well wish us luck, I pray this really is the start of us finally becoming a family. We want to be a mummy and daddy so badly, we keep getting up despite being knocked down, we haven't given up little baby bubbles we are coming for you I promise xxxx


----------



## Macgyver

Thinking of you for today Mr & Mrs bubble xxxx


----------



## poppy05

How did you get on mr & mrs bubble?
been thinking of you today, hope everything went well for you xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing ok. Well today is my last ever birthday that i wont be a mummy. I have wished to be a mummy every single birthday before and i cant believe that next week my dreams come true xx


----------



## Norma12

Happy Birthday Twink  

The best birthday present for you then, enjoy next week xxx


----------



## becs40

Happy Birthday Twink! Did hubby even attempt to compete with the best birthday pressie ever?

Hope all went well today Mr & Mrs Bubbles.x


----------



## poppy05

Happy birthday twink! mummy card next year!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Best pressie ever! High expectations for do next year lol!!

Hope bubbles got on ok x


----------



## pyjamas

Husband surprised me with a card from LO on my birthday. It said on the front 'to my mummy from your little girl'. An unbelievable feeling! x


----------



## Treaco

That's lovely Pyjamas. I keep all our mum, dad and son birthday cards.xx


----------



## Treaco

Well after a 14 month wait we've been linked to our little girl, can't believe it. Just need to find out timescales now for panels and intros, hope it won't be to long.xx


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, sorry I've been quiet busy school holidays. Chased our dbs's again today as now over 60 days! Can't progress to stage 2 without them. Starting to get fed up x


----------



## pringle

Happy belated birthday Tw1nk 

Great news Treaco

Hope all is going well Paula 

Afm: intro start next week eek.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. We went out for a lovely meal. 

Pringle when do your intros start? Mine is next week too xx


----------



## liveinhope

Our intros start on the 7th!!!


----------



## RocketJ

Wow, Pringles, Twink and Liveinhope - best of luck for next week! Do you feel like you have things ready?

My intros start tomorrow! I can't believe it has actually come around, it feels like I've been clawing my way through the last few weeks and days longing for this day to come. Can't wait to meet my little boy


----------



## ultrafirebug

Good luck with all your intros ladies x


----------



## Ozzycat

Wow can't wait to read all ur updates ladies such exciting times ahead for you all 😘
AFM things are going great... We had our first review meeting yesterday which went great and are very encouraging for us to get our adoption paperwork in place in time for the 10 week application date yeahy
And we went to our first class yesterday, a baby and toddler group run by our LA for adoptive mums... that was lovely and little lady did fab, being the baby of the group she was an instant hit 😍
She's doing amazingly and were introducing more friends and family and getting out more.
Even still, 3 weeks down of little lady moving in I still can't believe I have a daughter... and an amazing one at that x


----------



## Forgetmenot

6 weeks in and STILL can't believe it!!

People always asking me about my son out and about and I have to do a double take and think, omg that's me!!

Good luck with intros everyone, remember them well, precious first days.... And they keep getting better xx

We went to our first adoption part at the weekend.  Low as amazing and everyone loved him. Amazing xx

Another issue I am having, don't know if should complain again, my sw apparently has, but at drop in clinics for weighing bubs, the hv again, whispered to her colleague he's in the process of being adopted.  Now I know I am over sensitive and waiting to pick up fault, but seriously it isn't even necessary for wieghing!  I looked at her and she knew I had heard then over compensatory niceness followed.  Fed up of it.  Already feel like a duck out of water at these things and don't want to take him anymore.  She also wrote his birth name down despite saying it was now xx and letter from GP.  She did cross it out and write ours, but still.

Not really sure if should make a big deal, but he's my baby xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Just want to pop on and say congrats to everyone having their intros etc this week. It's an amazing time - enjoy!!!

Haven't been on much as been having hell with our toddler and now have baby to deal with as well. I am utterly exhausted and drained since DH went back to work. Our little lady is back to being so clingy to the point of she hugs me so hard and tries to stand on my legs as if she can't get close enough and all this going on and trying to deal with little man who wants attention as well. She is still waking at about 5am and won't sleep more than half an hour in day so I don't get a break at all. Yesterday DH had to go to Warrington with work so I had kids from 5.15 when little lady got up all way up to bedtime. I got to hand it to single moms - you guys are awesome!!!! At one point I had tag team screaming as little lady had woken up from nap screaming which is nothing new and takes her soooo long to actually be sociable again (I'm talking up to an hour!!) little man was tired but he was crying so couldn't put him to bed while he was crying as he would never settle and little lady was all over me screaming. Had my mom here but little man not comfy with her yet and little lady only wanted me. In the end had to just let princess scream while I calmed little man then popped him into bed then took me another half an hour to sort little lady out before he was up again!!!!! 

Anyways the joys of motherhood lol. The house is a mess cus little lady is hanging off my trousers all day so can't do anything - I can barely go for a wee without her!!! Just hoping with DH now back at work little lady will get used to things quicker than she did last time and we can settle down!!! Before you all think I am moaning too much my little lady is absolutely adorable and she breaks my heart that she is so clingy at the mo cus this has all been such a big change for her so am trying so hard to be patient but she can also be a very determined controlling defiant little girl who knows exactly which buttons to push to get your attention!!  Anyways will get on here while I can but good luck everyone!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki. Don't EVER apologise! You are doing great x it's easy to pass comment looking in when you are not living it.  Glad your mum is about to help x

We all moan....  We all work so hard for this and it's is fantastic, but it sure isn't perfect and it's hard work (it's hard work for any new mummy and essentially you are a new mummy to two little strangers who've had a raw deal)  Wouldn't change it for all the tea in China though  xx


----------



## becs40

Ah Loki, still early days so I'm sure things will find a better balance once everyone gets used to the new routine etc. it is tough no matter how wonderful it also is so it's perfectly ok to complain!  

FMN every correspondence we had for little man we were told HAD to be in his birth name until AO was granted, GP would (occasionally get it right) call out my name instead for appointments. But yes it is things like that I struggled with and really feel looking back had a big effect on bonding completely.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Hi becs, they have changed his name on all his records, despite adoption order, medical correspondence is in his new name with his nhs number, so would now assume that's the name I give.
I don't have a problem with his birth name, just it can't be called out for safety which they initially did.
It's just the whispering and pointing.  I know being over sensitive, but they said about coming to groups etc, but I don't want to if we are the 'adopted family' I know we are lol but don't want to feel judged I guess is what I am feeling x


----------



## RocketJ

Wow, Loki, it sounds like you are doing brilliantly in a a very challenging situation - the compassion that you have for what your LOs have been through is really evident, I hope they begin to settle into routines soon.

Could those of you with children already placed tell me what you had to do re registering with doctors etc? Do you have to do that as soon as they come home? What age children get visits from the HV? My LO will be 13 months when he is placed next week, and I guess I just want to know what to expect/what I need to be organised to do!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Rocket after a few days of lo being home we walked up to the GP and registered him.  You get give all you need in pre meet to do so.  Better to have it done, and you can book and apt with hv.  Ours came out and visited, but not been back lol!  I thought they would keep a closer eye, but aid he was fine and would be in touch for next check.  When you register it generates apt with hv, but we wanted one sooner so requested!  Good luc, happy times ahead xx


----------



## RocketJ

Thanks FMN - I thought that would probably be the case, luckily my surgery is literally round the corner from my house, so that can easily be one of our first trips out! I want to try and 'funnel' as much as possible initially, but I live and teach in a fairly small community, so I know that as soon as I step out of my door to go anywhere I'm likely to bump into people who will want to meet him. I'm steeling myself to be firm and stick to my resolve to just smile, wave, and keep walking!


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks everyone. Just got to keep plugging away and just hope we can get back to way she was before introductions.

FMN - you are right. It is so hard and tbh I found myself thinking a few times why couldn't we of just had one baby lol but then little lady comes up and we read stories and she astounds me with her vocabulary at 20mths and she hugs me and I think I couldn't be without her lol. Just got to hang onto those moment when they are both screaming hahaha. At least so far both sleeping through night still!!!

Rocket agree with everyone we haven't registered little man yet but little lady was at the same doctors as us amazingly anyways so keeping her there. We have same issue in that they flash up the name on screen and we know birth mums parents use that surgery so if we need to take them need to make sure they don't flash up their full name. We have had health visitor out we had letter from authority telling us she was coming. She is lovely and said once little man is settled she will come and see him. She has also offered to do little ones 2yr check up at the house if I don't want to take her to health centre to do it so that's nice. I think it will be better in her own environment.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Loki you are doing amazing lovely xx

Good luck to everyone with intros comming up. It sounds like there is a few of us. Rocket im glad you asked the question about doctors as i was wondering about that xxx


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## Forgetmenot

We have similar issue Loki.... After complaining to the manager and sw doing so, we have been issued a letter of registery in his new name for security.  He is still on system am sure under his birth name, but for all correspondence, calling in etc, we use his new family name.

It's crazy isn't it.... They want them to be safe, yet don't safe guard us!


----------



## pringle

Great hearing your updates ladies  

Good luck ladies who's intros start soon.

We get to meet our lo next Tuesday for the 1st time eek 

Xx


----------



## bulmer

Hi Loki, hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion (feel free to ignore it) have you tried putting both down with you for a nap. I know some people don't approve but worked for me.  I have 2 LO and when wouldn't nap I laid with them they settled much better and you get to tune out a little yourself.  It's not a permanent solution but worked on the really bad days. It does get easier with 2 as they settle and get older x


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Loki just wanted to quickly post to say you are doing an amazing job! 

It's been manic here so haven't got time to do personals but trying to grab a few mins.

Meeting our girls tomorrow!!!

Our son has settled in great, one week to go and all 3 will be home.

X


----------



## moobags

Hi all

Loki you poor thing moan away hun it's better out than in I always think it gets it off your chest hope little lady settles down soon poor mite.

FGMN I would be pretty pee'd off too there is not need for it what benefit is it to them none it's just salacious gossip for some people it really gets my goat.

So many intros coming up its so exciting can't believe the doom and gloom we were feeling at the start of the year and now look lots of happy stories.

Hi to Paula becs bummer Pringle rocket twink ozzy and all you other lovely people I have missed.

AFM we have finally been given our panel date its to be in two weeks time talk about not knowing if I am on my head or my   got so much to do its freaking me out.  Having major panics of what if we don't like them what if they don't like us what if I can't cope what if what if I am driving myself crazy.

think I need to go lie down in a darken room lol

Moo x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Moobags good news on the panel date. Dont wory i have gone through every emotion and im sure everyone else has too xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Wow. Just spent a couple of hours with my amazing little boy! He was really happy to play with me, let me feed him etc. If anything I was holding back as I don't want to overwhelm him, but he and the FC were very relaxed about it and happy for me to get stuck right in. Just trying to pace myself both physically and emotionally for the week ahead!

Moobags - I know those thoughts and feelings well. But I also know that they are just my fears and anxieties speaking, and so I try not to dwell on those thoughts. Don't think I'll have time to from now on!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Fantastic Rocket i cant believe we will be doing the same thing next week xx


----------



## poppy05

Wow its so lovely to read your stories on here, i cant even begin to imagine the day we may meet our little person, if we are lucky enough to be approved, it must be such an overwhelming moment walking into that room and seeing your child for the first time,  not sure i could hold back the tears!
I cant wait for our info evening now, i just want to get started, and get on our new path to finally (fingers crossed) becoming a family


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## Forgetmenot

I didn't poppy! Cried as soon as little man put in my arms.  All our dreams realised in that moment.  Just lovely.
You and your wife will get there, we all had the disbelief and challenges..... But that little person is out their ready to steal your hearts xx


----------



## poppy05

Oh forgetmenot thats so lovely, i really feel like this has been my destiny all along, its just taken me 19 years to realise it!
I feel like there is such a long road ahead of us, but i know it will be worth it when we reach the end


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## Paulapumpkin

Rocket that is fantastic news, it's an amazing feeling isn't it!!!

Twink not long now hun.

Yesterday we met our two little ladies and they are gorgeous. We spent a few hours playing and they were both really relaxed. The FC was great too and left us alone. Today we are with them for a longer period and tomorrow they see their brother. Not long now until all 3 are reunited for good and living together again.

Have a great weekend everyone.  Xxx


----------



## Sweetnats

Hi ladies. Have loved reading through your posts. I did post a few months back when we were starting out on this bumpy old ride. But have sat in the back ground waiting patiently. 
We were approved last Wednesday at panel and went to decision maker early due to having to put out panel back a week. So whilst we are over the moon. The lack of support from our sw is putting a bit of a dampener on things. We didn't hear from her at all on the build up to panel. And she was meant to call us last Friday to tell us what the decision maker had said....I text her on the Friday and she never replied. Then when I called her on Monday  she said "sorry she had been busy" as if it was nothing. We had spent the weekend worrying.  We haven't heard from her since. Nothing about what happens next etc. we know we now have a long wait but we have no idea of the process. Other people we met on prep who have been approved have had meetings with their sw to discuss what happens. Some have even been shown profiles...... Feel so dispondent. 
So my question is really.... What happens next?? We know it's a wait. But do we out ourselves on the register or does she? Any advice would be much appreciated. X


----------



## Barbados Girl

Sweetnats if you are with an LA I think you have to wait three months while they try to find an in-house match. After that three months you should be put on the national register. You can join adoption link starightaway. and subscribe to children who wait. You might also want to find out if there are any upcoming activity days or exchange events you can attend. I would be minded to push for a meeting with sw too. If there are no children coming through in your LA you should be pushing to go on the register ASAP. You should also ask your sw to put together a family finding profile for you.


----------



## RocketJ

Hi Sweetnats, definitely definitely sign up for adoptionlink - there is a fee if your LA isn't fully registered, but 5 months after paying up I am halfway through intros with my amazing little boy. I found AL really helped me to feel in control a bit more, and like I knew what was going on. Even if you don't end up linked that way, it is really helpful to start looking at profiles and get used to interpreting them! Hope you hear from you SW soon xx

Paula - hope the intros with your girls are continuing to go well. I know I'm really desperate to just get home now and start our life together. What is your placement date?


----------



## Skippy123

Hello to everyone I have my first social worker visit this week and I am so nervous of what to expect can anyon help me on what to expect and what happens at this first meeting x


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## becs40

Congratulations sweetnats. I've no advice re looking I'm afraid as we were linked before approval however I fully sympathise re sw communication or rather lack of! I'm afraid it's something many of us if not most have to endure. My only advice would be don't expect that to improve. When you do make contact maybe asking if you could request a regular update say once a month to just keep you in contact and know what has been going on. Apparently there's always "a lot" going on that we don't get told about but I'm still highly sceptical on that point! You could request via email if you think she'd find that easier and more likely yo do. It may help you to relax and wait for the specific update at each time each month rather than constantly hoping/expecting she makes contact.
Skippy, the first visit is very informal. They'll just come and have a chat with you all be it a long one! They'll try and get a brief overview of the areas they'll be assessing you on so relationships, finances, health, significant life events etc. it sounds a lot but they will just be touching on these to see if there would be any areas of concern that would cause immediate issues to you going forward. it sounds intimidating and scary but it really isn't. They're very good at getting the info subtly so it just feels like a cup of coffee with an old friend. Good luck. Just keep focussed on the end result! 😊


----------



## Sweetnats

Thank you so much ladies. She has been pretty useless throughout. So shouldn't have expected that much from her.
I am going to email her this evening and tell her how I feel. It is just so shocking how they demand honesty from us and then blatantly lie about things. 
I am also going to join adopts link as suggested as think it will be good to get used to profiles as mentioned 

Feel a lot better now. Thank you ladies


----------



## Tw1nk82

Sweetnats our sw was quite useless too. The thing i found with adoption link is that you are in control. You can look at profiles and if you want to be linked with any you do it yourself. It made me feel in control that way. You might find that you are linked quite fast like some people or you might be in for a bit of a wait, but everyone on here will tell you that it is all worth it in the end. By the way i emailed my sw a lot even to this day as she doesnt seem to get in touch if i dont so do whats best for you xx

Skippy i loved my first meeting. It felt great to be starting on this journey. It was quite laud back but be prepared for a lot of questions about everything. They do this so that they can tell you that it is ok to start stage 1. Good luck on your journey x

Rocket how are intros going? Xx

Paula how are your girls? Xx

Hope everyone else is doing ok. I cant believe we only have two more sleeps until we meet our little boy xxxx


----------



## moobags

Congratulation Sweetnats sounds like you may have my social worker everything you have described about he lack of communication etc was exactly the same as us.  The only advice I can offer is market yourself and do it well get on adoption link and children who wait, also if you are able to try and volunteer at pre schools or nurseries or anywhere yet has children in the age range you are looking for.  There are also free courses online that maybe beneficial one through NOfAs UK and some through future learn re vulnerable children etc, you need to try and set yourself apart from other adopters as there are so many out there.  Myself and my DH don't do well sat around waiting for a call Dr had to feel like we were doing something and given our social worker and the way she works we would still be waiting now to see our first profile and we have been approved 10 months luckily our pro activity is paying off and we are due to go to matching in September for two beautiful boys.

Good luck be kind to yourself the wait is tough and there will be times when you feel like giving up but hang in there and make yourself a pest with your social worker.

Hope all you new Mummies are enjoying intros 

Think not long to wait now bet you can't sleep with excitement and anticipation.

Big hello to all you lovely people and little people.

Moo x


----------



## pyjamas

Had arranged a meeting with birth parents for Wednesday, but neither turned up! this is the second time so we have said no more. they were aware that this was their last chance and were reminded day before by SW but no show! Have now got Life Story Book which is lovely. Legal proceedings are in progress. xx


----------



## Kylie47

Hi all

Pyjamas that sounds really frustrating about the birth parents. Hope the AO doesn't take too long to come through.

We were approved at panel a couple of weeks ago and have already been linked with a sibling pair! Amazed that it's happened this quickly. Obviously it's still early days and may not work out ... but still a very good start! Xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Strange feeling today..... Back to school and what feels like my first day of adoption leave!!

So glad to not be going back to work and be home with my boy xx

Just another social visit to get through this morning xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Haha bet u are not sad in the slightest are u FMN? Have to say I do miss work a bit but then I am still having some quite difficult days lol. Took kids there yesterday and it was sooooo nice to see everyone and the kids were great not phased a bit. Mind u poor little lady I was like we are going to see lots of animals and play in soft play then we spent prob the first 40mins being accosted by my friends wanting to meet them lol. Still tho it was raining we did get to the animals and they loved it. Little lady held a gineau pig and a bearded dragon and loved seeing the baby pigs and goats etc. it was good to go see everyone. 

Anyways good luck in your visit. I find them a slight waste of time now even tho I voice my concerns they just say oh they are just adapting they are doing great!!! I think yup you listen to your toddler scream and cry over what seems like everything for 12hrs a day and try and give the baby some attention and maybe try and make myself a cup of tea (always a difficult one with a toddler screaming and hanging off your shirt because you are suddenly not paying her attention!!!) but anyways for us not much longer cus we have little lady's 2nd review on Fri and little man's first so think then they will be back to every 2 weeks. 

Can't wait to read the next batch of intro updates!!!


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies
Such great news at the mo on here it's hard to keep up!

FMN - I go back to school tomorrow after having my year off. Feels strange but I'm looking forward to it. I'm just doing 2 days Senco which will be much less stressful than going back as CT. Nice to hear you are getting on ok. 

Good luck with your link Kylie. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok x


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, hope all your links, intro's and placements are going well.  Our DBS's finally arrived today so SW visit booked for 10th Sept to progress to stage 2 and f2a training course on 24th Sept.  DS goes back to school Thurs so will miss having him around x


----------



## RocketJ

FMN - I echo those feelings exactly! Today I've done a 2.5 hour drive to FCs house to have the intros review meeting, which lasted all of 30 minutes, to then get back in my car and drive home followed shortly by the FCs with my little boy for his first visit to my house! All the while knowing that my friends and colleagues were having INSET just 10 mins walk away. Feels very strange not to be there - I love the first day back catching up with everyone. I have to take my matching certificate in tomorrow, so am hoping I can see a few people briefly then.

Most importantly though, my boy seemed really happy exploring his new home. He is coming for the whole day tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to having some time alone with him. He is just incredible, I can't believe how blessed I am to be his mummy. I am so looking forward to the rest of my life with him!

Twink - only one more sleep now!!


----------



## Skippy123

Thank you for the replies girls much appreciated. I have gutted my house from top to bottom and still nervous hopefully it will be ok I need to rembwr and go get tea and coffee lol I keep forgetting will keep u informed what happens on Thursday x


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone how are the intros going for those who are meeting their little ones?? Such exciting times x
Need some advice, little lady has been brilliant, no issues with attachment and is a happy confident baby... shes met loads of friends and family  (no holding her yet, probably till next year) and she laps up the attention x
We met the foster carers for the first time on Saturday and yes I know we should of stayed 30mins but we ended up staying over 2hrs and within 5mins of arriving they were asking to pick little lady up... We didn't want to upset them so said yes, they then proceeded to hold, play, kiss and cuddle her for the whole time, me and hubby didn't get a look in... Now I know they shouldn't of and I was so upset when we left, but it didn't seem to both our daughter and she was absolutely fine and slept thro the night etc...
Problem is we are due to see them again in 2 weeks and this time there bringing their 4 older children who absolutely adore our daughter and are going to want cuddles etc... do we just grin and bear it and hope little lady isn't affected or do we say no and make up some excuse... Are these my own insecurities?? She just loves being around them... not sure what to do xxx


----------



## RocketJ

Hi Ozzycat, I'm having similar problems, though only at the intros stage so far. FC continues to pick him up, cuddle, smother with kisses and every meal and nappy change I have to be quite forceful about saying I will do it. I don't want to upset them because I want to be able to maintain the relationship for his sake, but I am dreading the meeting we have booked for 3 weeks time. I think I am going to be very clear with my SW and LO's SW and ask them to make sure it is out across very strongly that this is not okay before we meet. Could you try that?

I know that some of my reaction is because of how upsetting I find it, but I think that is a valid reason to object as it is in the children's interests that we are feeling okay about things! We have been fed all of this information about the importance of funnelling and being the only ones to provide care and comfort - I know the FCs think a lot of that is nonsense, but it's not their place to decide. They have a responsibility to respect what the SWs and adopters are saying. Good luck finding a way through it; don't be afraid to step on some people's toes if you need to xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Thanks rocket J, I'm sorry ur struggling with the foster carers, especially at this crucial stage but stick to your guns x
Our foster carers were great so I feel like maybe I should just give them this time, it's only me and hubby who have an issue with it, little lady seems to be fine and after next weekend we won't see them for a good while??!!??
Will keep you posted, enjoy intros 😙


----------



## Forgetmenot

It's so hard with FC ladies.  We have not seen ours since lo was placed.  I don't think it's something our authority do.  We plan to meet up next year after his first birthday.  They did an amazing job with our little boy, that I think it's important for him in years to come to have snippets from his childhood should he want them.  I do find it overwhelming initially with texts and need for pictures of FC initially but these have slowed, I have been quite strict, not because of them, but you just don't know who sees what.  I think it's something we can iron out when we meet and I feel bad, but needs must.  He has a forever family and needs to settle.  I will never take away what his foster family did for him as they have made him into the happy, social able beautiful boy he is today.... But you also need to find your feet as a family.
So glad things are going well for you.  When I read your posts last night, I had an overwhelming sense of love for my boy, that I had to check on him a number of times and just watch him sleep, he's just so perfect, how did we get so lucky to have him, I just don't know.  Everyone says he's lucky, but me and dh are the lucky ones.... And will be forever grateful xxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Today was amazing. I cant believe we have finally met our son and we are smitten. I cant wait until tomorrow now to see his little face again xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Thanku so much pink lady for the lovely post,  I really appreciate being able to see it from the other side and so will go to our next meet up without any worries or insecurities knowing that it's their opportunity to say goodbye.
Thanku again for taking the time to write this and I hope everything works out for you x 😗


----------



## Thepinklady

Thank you ozzycat. I removed my post shortly after posting as when I re-read it there were a few things I felt uncomfortable posting and had thought I had copied it first before removing so that I could alter and re-post but did not copy it. So was too tired to re-do it last night. I am glad you got to read it before I removed it though. For those of you who did not read it the crux of it was this. I was pointing out the loss of our LO's from the FC point of view. My DH and I are approaching the end of a concurrent placement having had the LO since shortly after birth. We were FC first and foremost.  Unfortunately for us but not for LO this does not look like it is ending in adoption. we are in the heartbreaking situation of helping to reunite LO to her BF. We are coping well with this and much better than we ever thought we would have if we found ourselves in this situation. The thing that is making it so much easier for us is that the plan when she returns home is that we will still have regular ongoing contact with the LO in the form of respite for BF for the short term future. When I asked our SW who is excellent and very up to date in current research and practice if this would not be confusing to LO she said no. LO can have more than one significant people in their lives and they need to see that loving adults don't just disappear from their lives so she can learn to trust others. We are pleased with this as we need reassurance and to see for ourselves that LO will be happy and cared for. I don't think after devoting almost a year of our love and life to this gorgeous LO I could have simply accepted from a SW or a letter that she was doing well. Also the BF have been told that they have to acknowledge for now that we as the FC are the ones who know LO the best and they have to be willing to accept support from us until such times as they become the ones who know her the best. If this is the case for BF surely this is true for the new adoptive parents. You have your forever family now and no one is taking that away from you, please please just acknowledge the awesome job these FC have done in the lives of your LO's and give them their time to grieve, say goodbye, create memories and get reassurance their LO's are happy and content. Hope this is helpful to come of you.


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## Ozzycat

Ha ha pinklady.. I thought I was going mad when ur post suddenly vanished!!!
Ah Twink so glad it's going well,  can't wait to read your next update... These are precious times 😍


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lovely post pinklady. A very valuable perspective. I admit I wasn't sure of maintaining contact with foster carers initially. I think we did as I felt guilty. But wow I'm so glad we did. I now know that I was unsure as I felt threatened by them and their relationship with little pink. I didn't feel worthy as her mum when they clearly knew her best. But that was my issue, not theirs and certainly not my daughters. We now regularly text or email and have met up every few months. We will be meeting again in a couple of weeks and I can't wait! Little pink doesn't really understand yet but in time I hope she sees them as part of her extended family. All the children they have moved on have kept in touch. They are loved. Little pink was their first placement and they found it hard. It was tough but other than a one off incident which was said without thinking they've never overstepped the line and have always followed our lead regarding contact. Their grief has subsided now and we truly feel like her parents so don't feel threatened. I'm glad we have them.


----------



## ultrafirebug

Wahoo just got our email saying we have been accepted for stage 2


----------



## RocketJ

Aargh! Just wrote a really long post, then lost it somehow

I think it said something like this (only worded better)...

Congrats ultrafirebug!

Thanks Pinklady - completely agree, and now I am home and the stress of the last few days is over, I can see the FC's behaviour in a different light. We've already booked a date to see them in 3 weeks and I hope they will continue to be important people in my little boy's life. They held it together really well when I collected him this morning, despite how unbearably hard it must have been.

So, we're home! Buzz (thought I should give him a space themed nickname!) slept all the way home, and has enjoyed his lunch and a play and is now sleeping again!


----------



## RocketJ

How's it going Twink?


----------



## ultrafirebug

Thanks Rocket. Glad you are home and I hope Buzz is settling in well x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Rocket yey to getting baba home xxx

We had another amazing day. Twinklet has been to the doctors this morning and he has tonsilitis the poor little mite. He has still been good today though playing away and i even picked him up twice to comfort him and he settled really well. Im hoping that he feels a lot better tomorrow xxx


----------



## Kylie47

Pleased it's going well Twink, hope he gets well soon poor little thing.

Pink lady thanks so much for sharing your story and views on FCs - it really made me think about it from a different perspective and I'll definitely be thinking of your comments when the time comes for us. We've been selected for two siblings and will be meeting the FCs soon. I'm really sorry it hasn't worked our for you with your LO. You've been very brave and selfless from the sounds of things, putting LO's needs first. It must be incredibly tough for you all the same,  take care xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

I cant believe how comfortable little Twinklet is with us already. We had him out for most of the day today with no problems whatsoever. I didnt realise how quickly you can fall in love xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Morning everyone

Just grabbing a few mins to post.

Wow what an amazing three weeks we have had. I'm pleased to say the intros have gone amazingly well and all three little ones are now at home with us.  They have settled really well and are in fantastic routines.

They are calling us mummy & daddy and we are getting lots of kisses and cuddles.

The two eldest start school on Monday so just have our little dot at home with me.

The hardest part of the intros was the driving to and from FC houses, some times in the car 4 hours per day.

Note to anyone doing intros at the mo - your little ones will come with a lot of stuff!!!!

We've got toys everywhere, I've managed to sort the clothes but put the toys in the play room until I have time to sort them out.

Have a great weekend everyone, we are off out for the day!

Xxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies,

I'm new to this thread. Wev just finished tx after 2 ivf cycles and 2 m/c''s and decided we'd like to adopt our family.

We are both excited although daunted. 

Any advice?

Xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

We are starting Stage 1 again with a new SW and our first meeting is booked for this Weds at 6pm. She sounded lovely on the phone so have a good feeling and at least we know what to expect this time and they have drawn up a plan of things to be discussed and done so they shouldn't be anything unexpected come up! 

Can't wait to get the ball rolling again ! 

Anyone else just starting out? 

Ali x


----------



## saltypopcorn

Hello everyone - mind if I join you?

I've lurked around here for a couple of years whilst we finished our IVF attempts and started to think about adopting. We sent off our ROI forms last week and had a call from a SW yesterday to arrange our first home visit so we're just at the very beginning of our journey. HV is booked for 8th Oct and we need to complete our workbooks before then - bit daunting as there are some tricky questions!

I've learned an awful lot from these boards and wanted to say thank you to you all for posting about your journeys - it's really helpful to those, like myself, who have spent a while considering whether adoption may be the way forward. Such lovely, positive news on here recently, it's really encouraging to read.

I look forward to sharing my exciting new journey with you all!


----------



## ultrafirebug

Welcome Salty and good luck with your journey.  I look forward to hearing about how you get on x


----------



## becs40

Welcome to the newbies! Good luck on the best journey of your lives!

Loving the updates of all the new littlies now home with their forever mummy and daddies, it's amazing to relive those days again through you all.

I've been reading but too busy to post much as little man is now a very lively 14 months now and very full on. We're in the process of trying to transition to one nap a day at the mo which will be good. He's been fighting his afternoon nap for a while and is still not great at night but has been sleeping through again but just getting up at anything between 4.30-5.30am! So hoping dropping his afternoon nap will make him sleep a little longer at night. He missed the nap yesterday as very sadly our beloved doggy was taken ill suddenly and ended with us dashing to the vets in the afternoon and dropping little man of at granny's on the way to see her as she had deteriorated and we ought to go quickly if we wanted to see her. When we got there it was obvious that her body was just giving up so we took the very painful decision to end her suffering. The house seems so empty without her and I shall miss my cuddles with her. Little man came down this am and looked to where her bed is normally and then checked the sofa in the conservatory where she normally is and was confused to not see her there. Thankfully he's too young to really understand. We can only guess at how old she was as she was a rescue dog that was a stray in Ireland. We think she must have been 12-13 at least but at least she didn't have weeks or months of deteriorating. She was perfectly fine and her normal self on Thursday and I took her swimming Thursday night as normal. The vet said it was her heart then they ran blood tests and said her kidneys were failing as well. By the afternoon she had started fitting and the vet feared it was probably neurological so we couldn't keep trying to make her better whilst her body had clearly had enough. We thought 2 years ago we were going to lose her because her arthritis had got so bad she couldn't even stand up and get out of her bed but the swimming gave her another 2 good years of life and rejuvenated her.


----------



## ultrafirebug

Sorry for your loss Becs x


----------



## Tw1nk82

So sorry for your loss becs. We too had to say goodbye to one of our dogs two months ago and it is so hard xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

So sorry becs x our lo (of the four legged variety, was on a week to live at Xmas) still here... So sad.  Lo loves her now, going to find it tough me thinks.

She's my first baby.  Love her x 

Take care x

So exciting to read lots of updates


----------



## Hopefull 37

So sorry becs.

You grow to love your furry babies so much so losing them is heartbreaking. 

Xxxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Becs just wanted to say so sorry for the loss of your little dog. Sounds like she had a lovely long life tho!! We lost our cat 2 weeks ago just after our little man came home. He was 11 and been poorly for some time with irritable bowel syndrome. We tried everything but in the end he passed away at home which was lovely (if u know what I mean although it wasn't lovely) and we didn't have to make the difficult decision to let him go. Heart breaking it all is tho!!

Just wantend to say thank u as well for your advice on the other thread. Things have been pretty good the last couple of days so hopefully whispering that things maybe hopefully starting to settle!! Still majorly clingy but it is getting better. Oh and I bought a sweeper!!!! Lol  

Hope all intros etc are still going well and all our little ones who are new are settling in. Hi to new ladies and those ladies starting out or starting different stages. Good luck to you all and you will get there!!!


----------



## Kylie47

So sorry you hear about your pup Becs and moggy Loki.   


Pleased things have been a bit better the past couple of days Loki - hopefully this is the start of an easier phase!

This week we're meeting with the SW of the LOs we've been linked with and next week meeting with the foster carers. Can't quite believe it, it's all happened so soon after being approved! Keep worrying it might all fall through so trying to not let myself get too emotionally involved yet ... however I did get a lump in my throat when our SW emailed me some recent photos of the kids. They are beautiful!! My hubby is currently painting one of the spare bedrooms. We have so much to do! That's if it doesn't all fall through of course   xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Kylie, you and very fortunate.  Fingers crossed with the link.  You have to commit to getting things ready sometimes, especially if more than one lol!! Now very exciting!

Loki, glad things are going better with the big and little monkey.  How's bubba sleeping.

Afm little man had his 8 month check and it was like he passed his first test lol!!  Proud mummy . He's continuing to grow and chunk up.  It is amazing his development over the last few weeks and boy has he got so loud!!

We are just so lucky.  How did this little boy find his way to us?! Xx


----------



## moobags

Hi ladies

Welcome to all you newbies fingers crossed for a smooth road for you all.

Be sure so sorry to hear about your fur baby it's so sad as they are family members too our dog is 11 he has dementia arthritis and cataracts other than that he is like a puppy to look at will be heartbroken the day we have to say goodbye.

Sorry for being awol and lack of personals two weeks till panel and we got so much to do first stage of how transformation is complete now on to stage two before I can even start boys room plus family book and DVD to do

Feeling a bit disconnected from it all whether or not it's nerves I don't know or because I have that much to do I haven't taken the time to stop and think.

Will try and catch up more later in between coats of paint drying.

Moo x


----------



## Kelbert

Hi all, 

We are just starting out, in the process of filling out the forms, to see if we will be accepted into stage one. We didn't expect to have choose our references this early, and finding it quite difficult to find 4 non family members that know us both! 
Could anybody tell me what the medical involves?
Feeling quite nervous already!

Thank you


----------



## Loki Girl

Kelbert - welcome!!! I understand it seems daunting now but it will soon be flying along. We had same issues with references and in the end went with a friend of mine who doesn't really know my husband that well and a friend of DH who doesn't know me as well as he knew him. It doesn't really matter it's hard to find people who know you both very well. Our medical was easy just things like weight, height, blood pressure and tbh don't think they did much else cus he already had all the info he needed from my records in terms of history etc. good luck just think of it as getting nearer to your goal!!


----------



## RocketJ

Hi Kelbert, anyone else new! The medical was mostly my GP going through a list of questions about my medical history which he filled out by asking me and checking some things on my medical notes, then a bit of basic prodding and poking - the old hammer on the knee and taking blood pressure etc. I hate going to the doctors but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting! I can't really help with references as I'm a single adopter so I didn't have to worry about people knowing us both well. Do you have friends that know one of you really well, but have spent some time with you both?

I can't believe my baby boy has been home nearly a week! I'm loving getting to know him, but also loving that he takes really long naps! Just enjoying a cup of tea and some maltesers


----------



## ultrafirebug

Kelbert - welcome. Ours references were 2 family and 2 friends. Funny how each area is different. Medical checks go through your medical history and takes blood pressure, check reflexes and urine sample. 

Rocket - my DS used to nap 3 times a day when he was little. Enjoy!

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## Kelbert

Thanks everyone! My DH suffered with depression around 8 years ago, I hope this doesn't get us rejected.
I guess time will tell


----------



## Primmer

Kelbert - I suffered with depression in the past and me and my husband were approved to adopt last November. The positives were that I sought treatment for it and was ok now but that I would recognise the signs in the future and seek help if it happened again same as I did before. Main thing is to be upfront and honest about these things when they come up, try not to worry.


----------



## Kelbert

Thank you for that Primmer, that puts my mind at rest a bit! We plan on being completely honest throughout the whole thing. I suppose after all previous heartache it difficult to feel positive that this route will end successful ... I am sure most of you felt the same. 
I keep telling myself to go with the flow and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be x


----------



## Hopefull 37

Iv also had depression but have sought treatment when necessary.

It worries me that we might be refused due to that especially wen I live a full life. 

Xxxx


----------



## becs40

Welcome to the newbies. Kelbert you're absolutely right about feeling negatively after everything that's gone before. I took the opportunity to stop and consciously think about adoption positively. The vast majority of adopters came from the same route as us With infertility etc, so if it didn't work out again there were be a tiny number of adopted children out there and that's clearly not the case. I made real steps to become less superstitious and think positively. We did even decorate the nursery and start buying bits before we were approved! It does work out but you need to talk yourself into becoming more positive about it and embrace it.

Rocket enjoy those naps! We've given up today trying to transition to 1 nap a day on account of lo waking earlier and earlier for the past few days culminating in 4.05am today apparently being time to get up!!!! He finally drifted off to sleep at 6.05am for 35 minutes so that was it back to 2 naps today! 

Loki hope you're enjoying the sweeper! My new vacuum is now decidedly underworked without tons of collie hair around the place    I think also little man has become a lot more clingy in the past few days because she's gone and he doesn't understand bless him. On a more positive note he is starting to walk a bit more, today especially has been tottering around up to 14 steps at a time which is so lovely to see.


----------



## Cbelle1

Hi ladies

We have our sw coming out to discuss a profile- our first sight of one, so we are very very excited. However one thing that has made me a little concerned is that this little one has just turned 2 and isn't walking yet. There is an element of delay, which doesn't concern us and tbh is expected but the walking thing is a worry. Am I right to worry? Anyone have any experience they can share with me or questions I should be asking at this stage?

Chelle
Xx


----------



## ultrafirebug

Chelle - i would ask if there is a medical reason why lo is not walking yet or if it could be checked out if they don't know. It could just be development delay but at least you know either way before you progress. Good luck x


----------



## dimplesforever

Hi Chelle

My little one came home aged 18 months and was unable to walk (or crawl or bum shuffle).  He has come on a lot during the last 9 months taking his first steps aged 21 months and started walking properly aged 2 years 1 month.

In my LO's case the cause of the delay might be a number or combination of different factors.  I would suggest asking if they are delayed in other areas and what support/therapy they are receiving (my LO is reviewed by developmental pediatrician every 4 months, portage 1:1 and group and until lately weekly physio).

At times I have been very anxious for my little gorgeous and there is still a lot of uncertainty over his future.  That said helping him learn and watching his development has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Good luck with the meeting


----------



## Tw1nk82

Cant believe our little boy comes home tomorrow xxx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Had our first visit with a new SW for Stage 1 and she was lovely, we talked lots and she had a nosy round the house. She thinks we will only need 3 sessions. Have such a good feeling this time...!

Next session is booked for next Weds evening...

Ali x


----------



## RocketJ

Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow Twink - sounds like intros must have gone well and everything is on track. Enjoy your day together - the first of many!


----------



## becs40

Good luck tomorrow Twink! Savour every moment.  

Ali that sounds a lot more positive, hope it all goes well this time for you.


----------



## moobags

Chelsea our oldest was delayed in walking but having spoken with the medical advisor they believe this was due to not having the opportunity BM kept him in high chair or pram as it was easier for her as she also had a new baby.  If you haven't met medical advisor yet they will be able to answer any concerns you may have and even at that point you can still walk away if the link doesn't feel right.

Good luck twink have a fab day.

Ali fingers crossed for a speedy and trouble free stage one and two.

Nothing for me to report two weeks till panel and still sooooo much to do judt hoping and praying all goes well I wasn't feeling too bad but now I feel sick with nerves that something is going to go wrong.

Moo x


----------



## Primmer

Twink - enjoy your little boy coming home today x

Ali - so glad that things are sounding a lot more positive with your new sw.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks everyone. I really dont think i have slept. Keep running things over in my head. Not long to wait now he is coming between 11-11.30 and it looks like it is going to be a glourious day too xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Tw1nk just wanted to wish you the best of luck bringing your little man home today. It's a very emotional time for all involved but enjoy the start of your new family finally complete  

Becs I was about to sympathise with your little man waking at 4am thinking I struggle with our little lady and the 5am wake ups when today it was 4.40am!!! We went in for a bit but it makes her worse so we left her to it and she cried on and off till we got up at 5.45. Of course her crying woke up little man but he is so easy, we just go in there, lie him on his back, put his dummy back in and tell him night night and he just goes back to sleep. He is soooooo good. He goes to bed at 7pm and sleeps through till bout 7.30 then plays in his cot till I get him about 8am. He then goes back to sleep bout 10/10.30 had been for 2hrs but have changed it to half an hour so he sleeps longer in afternoon. He then goes back to bed at 1/1.30 and sleeps till bout 3.30 then back in bed for 7pm. I can't believe he difference in their sleeping pattern and the fact he can just go back to sleep yet she won't. I just think if little lady would only sleep more everyone would be much happier. We are supposed to go to our local group today at 9.30 and thinking since little lady was awake at 4.40 she'll be ready to go to sleep at that time so will prob be miserable and not enjoy it as much!! Anyways there was a time when I said I wouldn't moan about the lack of sleep - that's a bit different now I'm going through it and having to deal with a cranky, whingy toddler all day as well as a baby lol!!! Then DH said to me as we were wide awake at 4.45, remember dear I am going to give blood after work today!!!!! I was like saving a life is more important than your wife's sanity is it     He did promise me he would order us pizza for tea tho as he knows I don't stand a prayer of cooking with the 2 of them at 5pm lol. Bless him. Love my little family tho. We WILL get there!!!!

Good luck everyone else with matches and panel dates etc. Exciting times!!!


----------



## becs40

Ah Loki it's cr*p isn't it! I used to think ok 6.00am that's only half an hour earlier than I used to be up for work before but now it's 5.00am everyday! My mum said to me today "well I don't sleep very well so I don't think I get anymore sleep than you do!". I did point out how exhausted she is after 1 hour of looking after him with me there yet that's me everyday from 5.00am-7.00pm it's exhausting! I've just had 45 minutes of full on tantrumming and full restraint of little man because he was so overtired and didn't want to sleep! I won in the end but jeez it takes it out of you. He really is a full on toddler into absolutely everything and non stop which I do love but it is flipping hard work.
Dh left at 7am today and will be popping in briefly for an hour at bedtime before disappearing to school governors meeting at the school so I took the opportunity of leaving my mum to look after little man for a whole hour and a half whilst I popped to tk maxx to get a new grobag as he's out grown it. Also popped into m & s to enjoy a sandwich in the car on the way home without someone trying to steal it or just be begging for attention through every mouthful and bought myself a ready meal too for tonight! I know how to live lol! Then up to the yard to see my poor time neglected Shetland who was pleased to see me until he spied the worming paste poor old boy. So 90 minutes of freedom lol. Just taken the washing out the machine when I got back too and hoping that his Roo comforter and Geoffrey the giraffe are dry by bedtime! Both hung up by their ears currently on the washing line.


----------



## Hopefull 37

Good luck Chell! 

So lovely to read your stories and the love you had for your little ones! 

We're looking to see which agencies to register with.it seems that quire a few especially authorities are not registering many potential adopters at present plus we've just finished treatment so we may have to wait a bit.

Has anyone else had similar issues/worries?

xxxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

What a fantastic day having our baby home but im so so tired. Wouldnt change it for the world though xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Yeahy Twink welcome to the mummy club... best club ever 😍


----------



## Tw1nk82

How do i join the private board for the mummies? Xxx


----------



## becs40

Ah how fab Twink! Why are you not in bed, come to think of it why am I not in bed!  

Send "Mel" a pm and she'll add you to the board.


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Fantastic Twink, it's an amazing feeling having your LO at home! Enjoy xxx


----------



## Paulapumpkin

Well our little ladies have been home a week and out boy two weeks.

It's been fantastic, tiring, emotional, surreal, fun, frustrating but most of all it's been like they've been here with us for ever!

They are in a great routine, sleeping well and two eldest started school.  Having issues with food and they are pushing the boundaries. Middle LO is seeking attention, acting out etc. They are getting used to living together again as they were living with separate FCs.

Overall we are very happy and it's been great so far.

Hope everyone is well. 

Xxxx


----------



## Hopefull 37

Congrats Twink and Pumpkin!xxxxxx


----------



## Cbelle1

Hi ladies

Been approved just under a month and the ball has started rolling! Have sw coming over tomorrow evening to discuss 2 pinks with us and have been linked with a little blue in AL, blimey wasn't expecting to hear anything until after Xmas! Hopefully this means things are moving again

Chelle
X


----------



## Kylie47

That's fab Chelle!! How old are the pinks and the blue? Hope your meeting tomorrow night goes well.

We're in a v similar situation, we were approved around the same time as you and already linked to two siblings (a pink and a blue). I feel incredibly lucky. We've met the children's SW and meeting with foster carer and medical advisor this week. Hoping to go to matching panel next month. Chuffin unbelievable   xx


----------



## pringle

Good to read all the good news recently ladies. Congratulations to all 

We joined the new mummy club today      

Can't believe after waiting so many years, I am finally a mummy to a beautiful pink.

Xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay Pringle - congratulations. Enjoy the club. It's exhausting but so rewarding!!!!

We have had a teething boy so he's been awake for like an hour and a half every night and been really miserable during the day and not sleeping well. He likes lots of sleep so he hasn't been happy. The more crying he does the more little lady cries, then he cries louder cus she is crying and then she cries louder cus he is crying!!! I'm not sure how I survived yesterday lol!! That coupled with a toddler who has an inbuilt alarm clock set for 5.20am every single morning and doesn't nap much in day equals very tired mummy and daddy lol. Keeping little man dosed up with everything imaginable and he did sleep through last night so hopefully they are starting to ease now. 

Once little man back to sleeping through we are going to try the Gro Clock with little lady. Prob is always the worry she will wake little man. She wakes up screaming and crying every morning so it's getting her calm to even look at a clock lol. Going to try on weekend when there are 2 of us to deal with them should she wake little man up as I'm sure there will be lots of screaming at first when we don't get her up. 

Anyways hi to everyone else and hope matches and links are all going well


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki full on.
Our little man has been suffering with his teeth and still only has one for all his pain!!
We had an awful night on Sunday awake from 230 screaming.  Worst night ever with him.  He would only sleep on me.  It was difficult as he has had a week of no night feeds and going from 630-530 which is fab.... Alas Sunday, awful.  Just couldn't work it out.  We felt that after a weekend of outlaws and being passed from pillar to post, he just wanted mummy.  Really made me aware of his needs and brings you back to focus, because he's so good we forget he's not been home long.  He also went to the docs as ear infection.... Poor baby x just feel for them, when they can say what's up.
Little man has no said ma ma.  Oh my, what a beautiful sound I never thought I would be blessed to hear x he prefers to shout dada from his cot in the morning which is a blessing and super cute, cos I can say to daddy he wants you lol!!
They just bring so much joy..... Despite the exhaustion and the winging it..... He's doing ok and wouldn't change our journey now for the world, he's my boy! Xx


----------



## becs40

Congrats Pringle! Welcome to life as you never knew it could/would be! 😊

Loki I can't imagine how you're getting through that! Little man is a 5.20 bubba too-no need for alarm clocks! We do at least have the luxury that he happily plays with his teddies in his cot for 1/2 hour or so but we are obviously awake by that time anyway as he's woken us! It's bad enough just with him to deal with on the lack of sleep let alone a bubba too. Re teething the only thing that made even the slightest difference for us was anbesol liquid. Amazing stuff!
Pretty sure we're going through it again with molars now as his hand us constantly in his mouth being chewed but can't see or feel anything yet. He's also had an eczema flare up that started about 5 weeks ago and was a bad little patch on his chest about the size of a 50p and about a 5th of his back. The chest one he kept scratching so it got infected so we had an antibiotic cream to help it get better but it's now flared up all over his back, around the sides, more on the chest and his legs so more cream now but just feel like we're on a losing battle with it at the moment.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Meant to say congrats Pringles x exciting times  xx

Hope bubs gets better soon becs x


----------



## becs40

FMN cross posted with you! Our little man was the same when he came home he was so happy and smiley and settled you easily forget what they've been through. He would happily go to anyone and that was what concerned me so we were really strict on the handling front. I think it was about 3 months before my mum held him and it's only been in the last week or so that I've let her pick him up if he's upset and that's 10 months in. I have to say in the last couple of months it's really shown to be so worthwhile. He definitely is securely attached to dh and I now which is lovely to see. He'll always look to either of us first for comfort and reassurance but then quite happy to go off exploring.
Yesterday we had our music for little people group and it was so lovely to see him crawling and tottering around the room around the other babies with the ocassional look to check I was still where he thought I was, made me quite emotional!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Bless him!  We have been fairly strict on that no one comforts, feeds and changes him.  Do parents over so have limited time, and then we had aunt and uncle here and little cousins, so was full on.  Normally we rescue him, but it was just stressful.... say no more!  I said to dh not again.  I think it was more that than being poorly.  Just wanted to make sure we were here.  He just kept looking at me, smiling and nodding off.
What I don't get is how they seem so soundly asleep and you out them down and wham, screaming! They are defiantly funny little creatures!!
Glad he's loving the little group.  Ours loves being with other kids, and I love listening to them having their "conversations".... We have been to baby sensory and that was great, the others less so and we've tried a few now.  Think I am going to set up a monthly meet something or other.... I was initially, bubs doesn't need to be associated with other adopted kids, in terms of I thought it was giving him a label, but actually it was more me worrying about it, and actually, mummy needs it, as you don't need to have a pretence and be overly cautious. So we will se how it goes.  He's just napping and I should be cleaning, but alas.......!!


----------



## becs40

No you're definitely right. When little man has had "full on" days with visitors he's definitely more clingy and unsettled. As for when you think they're asleep they just know that mummy isn't holding them which is Rather lovely when you manage to get over the annoyance of it being the 17th time you've tried to our them down lol! 
It's our favourite time of the day in an hour, we go upstairs and he snuggles into me and just falls asleep, he never fights the morning one and just loves snuggling to me which is recent! Sat there yesterday just nuzzling his head thinking it was just the best part if the day for me and I love it so much.
I think you're right about the groups too. I enjoy the music one a lot but I definitely feel most comfortable at our stay and play adoption group. Looking forward to that next week. Next months one is a Halloween party with fancy dress so looking for cute Halloween costumes for him! 😊


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww FMN I can so sympathise. Those crying in the middle of night is horrible isn't it? Our little man is such a good sleeper so it was really rough for him. He's a don't handle me baby so we just have to give him his blanket in his bouncy chair and he generally calms down fairly quickly. We then wait for him to fall asleep and pop him back into bed.  Not sure what happens when he is too big for bouncy chair!!! We also had an incident when we first had little lady with doing too much. You see they are fine with you and then you forget and u do a bigger social thing and they can't handle it. Little man had to see more people to begin with because of grandparents etc looking after little lady but although he cried a couple of times he's now ok with everyone. Little lady is the one with most of the issues. Little man just seems so chilled and relaxed. 

In a week our little man had started crawling everywhere and now pulls himself up to his knees on the furniture. I find him amazing that that all comes so quickly. Just hoping he's an early walker unlike his sister cus he's a heavyweight lol. Little lady is walking just fine but still has issues and won't walk on her own outside. It's like she is frightened. She has to hold on my hand or if I have to deal with little man have to make sure she can hold onto the car or buggy or even a fence sometimes. We were coming back from playgroup and thought if we walk over grass to car she will walk and I can manage carrying mr not so light better but no she stood on grass, refused to take a step and screamed!!!! I have no idea why and didn't push it because I don't know what it is that she doesn't feel safe enough to walk without holding onto something. If we are walking tho she won't hold onto buggy has to be my hand. Makes for very aching shoulders trying to steer buggy round with one hand if I can't be bothered to put up the double buggy lol. I know prob in a few weeks I will be shouting at her to hold my hand lol. She is fine in a shop and the other day we were in the pet shop and we were just walking out so we made light of it as she was behind us saying come on then let's go. Me and DH walked out and she got the door realised she was going outside and wasn't holding one of our hands and refused to move anymore and screamed   Just wish I knew what half her issues were about so could help her more. Guess that's the hard part. 

Becs sounds like your little guy is doing really good despite the tantrums lol. How old is he now? 

Anyways I'm supposed to be doing stuff too. It's the only window I have all day to do anything is little lady sitting in her high chair watching Peppa and eating breakfast and little man having his bottle in his bouncy chair. Have to admit sometimes I leave her in there prob too long watching Peppa cus I know the rest of my day will be so full on lol. We had to make the decision to stop teaching our Taekwon do schools which is a shame cus I have run one of them since 2002. I was trying to do all the paperwork for the grading that is coming up yesterday and the 2 of them just wouldn't let me do it. They were both crying for attention that in the end I gave up. I was a little annoyed that after all the time we do spend with them they won't allow me half an hour to just do something on the laptop. Just the commitment to our clubs now is too much and it means one of us out teaching and the other putting to bed twice a week or getting babysitters which I don't want to do. After a rough day with kids full on yesterday I then left to teach my Tues club at 6.15pm and got home at 8.40pm. After being up at 5.20 everyday even as a black belt I can't handle it lol. I told our Grandmaster who knows all about what we have done that our family must now come first. Thankfully he understood lol. Well he didn't have much choice   

Anyways let's hope we have a teething free day


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## becs40

Blimey Loki superwoman even attempting to keep up with that on top of the bubbas! 

I wonder if little an will be a bit like your little madam in the walking outside. I guess it's too early to really say as only been properly walking about a week but he's only walking inside and point blank refuses to even srand up outside. I think it's more because its so new to him at the moment, we took him to have jus feet measured for his first pair of shoes and he refused to stand up in the shop so she could check the shoe fitting. He did eventually stand up when we let him go off on his own and he pulled himself up against a chair. No shoes though as I really want to go for a barefoot brand at the moment and they didn't do any so we're off to another shop in a couple of weeks when they get the winter range in. 

The transformation in him in the past few months has been amazing. He's such a monkey! He knows exactly when he's doing something naughty as he looks at you to make sure you're watching before he does it. We're finding ignoring and distraction the best tactics at the moment. He's 15 months this week Loki, can't believe it from the (not so) little bubba we brought home at Christmas! He's now 2 stone 1lb so my arms are just dying! They don't get a chance to recover lol. He can now go upstairs so I don't have yo carry him up at least most of the time.


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## mammawish

Hi everyone! I was here in the early stages of our adoption process but it has been very, very slow for us and not until now have we started our assessment! 
The first meeting with the SW was a bit weird, she kept going on about how damaged the children are, how "some of them" will be able to live independent lives, how most of them will turn to drugs/smash cars/promiscuity when they reach their teenage years. Even with loving homes.
She told us about how difficult it will be when they start school, how they will steal, not realise they steal, and how nobody will want to be their friend because of this and how life will be boring and only fun for ten minutes in the park, etc etc. 

We obviously know about attachment and trauma, and issues coming from birth parents lifestyle, such as alcohol and so on. But she really went to town on this, and we started to think she was trying to put us off! There were no positives at all!

Next meeting is going to focus on the children that have to be adopted, so if this was just a small intro, who knows how next week is going to be like!

Looking at the messages here brings some hope   of course its not all great and lovely all the time, but I think all of us will appreciate any time spent with our adopted children, as they have been so longed for, and we wont take them for granted.

Thanks for letting me let blow off some steam    X


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## becs40

Ah mammawish that's awful! I know they have to show you that side of things but we got that on the prep course. I left that feeling what on earth are we doing! But I thought it can't  all be that bad or no one would do it and plenty go on to adopt again. 
I read the book "no matter what" and that sealed the deal for me. Yes they had it really tough and yet the love shone through all of it, they were still a family and like any other they had their struggles just they were bigger struggles.
I have to say life is normal for us at the moment. Our little man is a normal 15 month old currently bashing the heck out of his cot because he's just woken up and wants to come down and cause mayhem! So that's my cue to go and get him!


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## Ozzycat

Oh mammawish what a negative SW..  Some children maybe so damaged that they are beyond help but I'd say the majority go on to live a happy "normal" life... My little munchkin is an incredible little girl and although still very young her happy, funny incredible personality shines through... she smiles at everyone and even strangers stop us in the park to comment... go into this open minded but the outcome like many on here can confirm is so worth the journey... 😍😍
Good luck x


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## saltypopcorn

Hello everyone

We have our first SW visit in a couple of weeks and are currently plodding through our workbooks in preparation. I'm after some advice please - it mentions in the workbook that we have to do a family tree but gives no clue as to how far back, who to include etc. Can anyone enlighten me please? 

Thanks


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## becs40

Hi Salty, 
Welcome. I'm pretty sure we just did back to our grandparents and immediate siblings so not aunts and uncles etc.


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## Loki Girl

Hi Salty. Good luck on your journey. We had to do grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings so you don't need to go that far back. My mom is one of 8 and I don't even know half my cousins names. My auntie has 8 kids and they all have kids and them kids have kids and think some of them have kids. There is no way I know all of that lol. SW didn't mind just do what u can.


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## mammawish

Thanks for your supporting comments! Will try to keep strong and positive!

Salty, we were asked for a family tree yesterday, it was to go back to our grandparents and to involve aunts and uncles. There are templates available online to make it more easy to put it all together. I found this a good one: www.familyecho.com (if you register your email you can save the tree and then print it off etc.) 

/links


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## saltypopcorn

Thanks for family tree help - will have a look at that website Mamma. Can I just ask another question - did you include dates of birth, full names etc?

Thanks x


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## mammawish

Salty, so far I have only first names and I'm going to add birth dates. The good thing is that it is easy to add or remove things depending on if the SW wants other details included. X


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## Forgetmenot

As we have a relatively small family, we just did names, dates of births and pictures.  Ours really liked this as helped when talking about people.

Good luck x


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## ultrafirebug

Ours were grandparents, parents, us and DS.

We are now at the stage of weekly meetings and the rest of the courses. Panel approval date has been booked for early Dec. 

Hope everyone is well x


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## alig1972

Hi 

Meeting number 2, went really great, new SW is so lovely and gave us back positive feedback as well as tips to sell ourselves more. She is going to come back and see us one last time to go over anything she may have missed, this will be in a couple of weeks time. She said she thinks we have done everything that was asked at complaints panel...

Feeling positive

Ali


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## ultrafirebug

Great news Ali. Very pleased for you.


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## Primmer

Ali - so pleased that new sw is helpful and lovely, sounds like it's going well.


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## PixieMcG

Hi All

I used this site when my husband and i were going through fertility treatment.  I took a break while we were going through the adoption process and I'm pleased that as of this month we have finally been approved.  As you can see from my profile our journey through adoption has been long.

I wanted to let you ladies know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the hardwork is worth the yes on panel day.

Anyone in the Glasgow Area at the same stage?  Was also wondering how long if anyone has been matched how long in between approval and matching or placement?

good luck


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## mammawish

Pixie McG, I'm in Glasgow, only just started assessment as the process has been very slow. Had our prep groups in November. X


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## PixieMcG

mammawish thats great i have a glasgow buddy.

Our assessment period started in Jan and was finished in August. We had a few set backs with medicals going missing.  Finally glad to have the panel approval.

What age category are you apply for?


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## mammawish

Pixie McG, I'm not surprised to hear about your missing medicals. We are going for 0-3, but we are going to discuss that with the SW next week, and I think we might extend it to up to 4 or 5. What about yourselves?
We have been told it may take 8 months to be matched, but as per my previous post, everything was very negative during our first assessment meeting with the SW.


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## PixieMcG

mammawish

That's awful you had such a negative experience, it does get better.  We felt very underwhelmed the first few meetings but as we got to know each other our social worker opened up a little more.  We are in the 0-4 bracket with the hope that we are matched with under 2 but i know that is very hopeful and not likely.

My social worker hasn't mentioned how long it will take to be matched she is on vacation so unable to contact her.  8 months from approval seems a long time to wait.


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## mammawish

Pixie, 
Good to hear the assessment meetings will (most likely) get better. I really hope that the 8 months is a worst case scenario.


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## Treaco

Pixie sent you a Pm as we're Glasgow.x


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## PixieMcG

Thanks traeco responded today.

Mama wish I don't know if I was being unrealistic but I was hoping come jam we would have a match.


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## becs40

Ali that's fabulous it's going well. Sounds like a completely different experience from the first time thankfully!

Pixie and Manawish I wish you luck with your journeys and family finding. Please please though try and prepare yourself for a long wait. It's the hardest thing in the world to do because you just don't know when it's going to happen and it's very very tough. There are a few ladies on here who have been waiting in excess of 18 months for a match now and even more that have been waiting a year. It can happen really quickly but 
I would say currently that is the less usual scenario.


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## mammawish

Has anyone considered looking for children from the rest of the UK, via adoption link / be my parent? 

Traeco, nice to see another one from Glasgow here.


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## RocketJ

I was linked with my son after I enquired about him on adoptionlink - I think the reality in many areas at the moment is that you can be waiting 12 months plus if you wait for an in house match, so it is definitely a good idea to be proactive looking for links yourself. I was 8 months from approval to placement date, and I think that is pretty quick for how things are at the moment! Certainly from my prep group I think about 50% have children placed now, so I suppose that makes me about average.


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## PixieMcG

Wow I guess I didn't reise the wait for a match would be so long and no one has really said much about it since the beginning during prep groups we were told average was 6-9 months


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## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, hope you are all well. So I'm in a bit of a quandary. I was under the impression with dh that we would adopt one child and maybe another in the future but yesterday he told me hes not going to go through the process again (not that it's been bad it's just very time consuming with all the courses/meetings so he has to take a lot of time off work). He has said that if we adopt newborn twins that would be OK (we are doing foster for adopt so could happen ) or very young siblings so my question to you ladies is how old do you think kids are before they attach a bond? As we have a DS we don't want him to feel left out. Thanks x


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## becs40

Sorry ultra no experience of this as only have 1 ac. Would say though the likelihood of adopting newborn twins even through fta would I would imagine be exceptionally rare! Firstly twins are less common anyway, secondly you're narrowing it further by reducing to naturally conceived twins, then further by naturally conceived twins being removed at birth, then further still by ss approving them as fta, then further still as there would be other couples/families that may be equally it better suited. I would say more chance of winning the lottery personally!
Again even with young siblings you'd probably be very unlikely to see that through the fta route as for a baby to be considered for fta from birth it's usually because it's normally decided based on an older sibling already being in care so that child would already be in foster care or placed for adoption.


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## ultrafirebug

Thanks Becs. Reason I have said newborns is because with our LA most f2a placements have been newborns and they asked us about how we felt about newborn multiples they were looking for f2a family for them at the time. We can f2a/adopt child/children up to the age of 6 so will see what the demand is after we are approved. We just have to be mindful of the attachments that siblings may have when it come to our DS x


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## becs40

Another bad news post from me today. We collected our beautiful doggy's ashes from the vet yesterday and then last night had to call the emergency vet out to my little Shetland pony. At first it looked like a bad asthma attack but then after a steroid injection things didn't really improve he thought it was looking more like severe liver failure. He took some blood samples and rushed it back to their hospital to be tested and an hour later got the call confirming it was indeed liver failure. The vet came straight back and I had to say another sad goodbye to my gorgeous little chap. I've had him since he was a baby and he was 25 years old so he's been with me over half my life. It's not a great age for a Shetland but the vet staid it had obviously been an underlying condition for a number of years and you just don't see it until it's too late. I'm just so glad we have our little man now as he's definitely made it so much easier. We get the balance of the sheer joy he brings against the sadness of losing two beloved pets in such a short time even if he was up poorly with a cold from 2-4 am this morning and then up at 6.15.


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## ultrafirebug

Becs our posts overlapped. So sorry to read about your two recent losses.


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## Forgetmenot

Ah becs so sorry to read your posts.  Our little woofer had a short diagnosis at Xmas and despite the odds is still with us, though have been expecting it any day, though she's still happy and still going.  Just so glad she got to meet little man.  Much love.  It's so hard losing our fur babies of any kind, they filled a massive void and perhaps, more loved because of their significance.

Little man has had a rough week too.  We have been to the doctors twice.  Ear infections, sore throat apparently, new tooth and now a cold.  Little man now has two teeth.  Can't believe how quickly he is growing, it's amazing but sad too.  Just love him and his little chunkiness!!

Hope all newly placed mummies doing well.... and embracing the transition xx


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## Lorella

Sorry to hear that Becs x

FMN - congrats on the first two teeth! They grow up so quickly don't they. Little lady is running now and putting two words together to say things like 'daddy car.....tissoo mummy....bye bye dandad'. It's sooo cute. She's doing amazingly. 

Hi to all the newbies on here and good luck with your meetings etc

Xx


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## Primmer

So sorry Becs - sending hugs your way x


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## Kylie47

So sorry Becs, you've experienced a lot of loss in such a short space of time xxx


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## Ozzycat

Sending hugs Becs x


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## Tw1nk82

Sorry to hear your news becs. So sad   Xxx

Hope everyone else is ok xx

I cant believe that we have had our baby home for 10 days. He is amazing. He is cutting teeth so he had a rough day the other day with a fever, but he seems ok now. We had proud parents moment today too. He walked three steps by himself xxx


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## Hopefull 37

So sorry Becs!xxx

Had our 1st information session yesterday which was very good and informative. We are unable to register until March 2016 becuase we finished treatment recently.

Does anyone have any advice about the start of the journey?

it is very daunting, hoping we get through each stage ok. even though we are ready it is still so scary!

 to all!xxx


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## PixieMcG

I'm so sorry becs. We lost two dogs last year and it's a heart wrenching experience the first time never mind two so close together. Sending hugs your way.

Omg lorella and tw1nk I rembwr you guys from the Ivf buddies boards. So good to see you both are doing great and have little ones.


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## mammawish

Becs, very sad news

Hopefull37, you could start by reading books on adoption and attachment etc, it will help prepare you, and keep you busy while waiting!


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## moobags

Becs so sorry to hear about your pony big hugs coming your way.

Ultra we toyed with the idea of FTA but didn't want to risk it with DH's daughters as there have been a couple of cases recently where little ones have gone back to birth family, we felt if it was just us two we could put ourselves in the position of risk but didn't want to put our current family through gaining a sibling to possibly having them removed.  There are young sib groups are out there it just depends how young you want.  We are going to matching for a 2.5 year old and a 20 month old previous to these two we were given the profile of two brothers age 18 month and 5 months but there were lots of health issues so we decided to decline.  I think I have seen one set of young twins which were featured on AL but they are the only ones I have come across who were under 1 year so it is very rare.  It maybe worth seeing what profiles come your way as you can be surprised your vision and idea of you would like May change we were looking for one child as young as possible no older than 18 months but when we saw our potential boys in CWW we just knew that we had to pursue them.  Also bear in mind that for most birth parents they will go on to possibly have more children which could  be removed in which case you would be given the option to adopt sibling.

FMN hope your boy is on the mend soon poor mite.

Twink are you into the mummy swing of things now hope all is going well.

AFM panel this week it doesn't yet seem real sure it will when we get to the day

Moo x


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## becs40

Morning ladies. Thank you for all your kind words and wishes. I'm doing ok and that's down to our little man, he brings such joy even if he is utterly exhausting! He's now walking, opening doors and removing nappies - from both him and the clothes airer! I don't know if it's because I've been using the baby carrier with him more lately but I've really felt the bond deepen so much more between us. He's become much more cuddly and less wriggly if he does have a cuddle. Will come and sit in my lap for a cuddle now and sit and read a few books where as before he would never go to anyone for a cuddle but would sit for a short while if you picked him up. He was just happy doing his thing as long as we were near.
I've just ordered a new carrier as we have an ergo and because he's so big it feels a bit small on him and is starting to hurt my shoulders so we've order a Tula to try instead as we both enjoy using it more. He actually started to cry when I went to take him out of it the other day, proper tears! We've got quite a big buggy so the carrier is handy for the short trips rather than lugging the buggy about.
I also prefer to use it in situations that are new and potentially a bit unnerving for him as he's comforted by being with me and also being higher up.


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## Thepinklady

I agree completely about carrier Becs. I would be interested in how you find the Tula. I use a didytai ( a mai tai - similar to a woven wrap but with structure to it so easier to put on) with my LO. She hates the buggy for more than 10/15 mins but will do hours in the carrier - laughs and giggles and chats to everyone. We had a very busy weekend with lots of exciting big events in our hometown and the place was packed. Lots of people were struggling with buggies and even pushing empty buggies and carrying lo's over their arm. I know our LO would have totally freaked out in the crowds if she had not been safe and snuggled next to me. As it was she smiled, laughed and slept her way through everything. It definitely helps with the bond. At almost a year and 23 lbs I can honestly say with the carrier I really don't feel her. Our LO is sadly on her way back to her mum as it is a concurrent placement and mum has already said she does not seem to like the pram. I tried to convince her to try a carrier and said I would borrow a couple of different easy to use ones from our local sling library but she is at the moment too self conscious. We will still be involved with LO and her mum mum for a while so I will continue to push this with her as I do feel it will help the bond. As for me I am a big convert to baby wearing and will be trying other ones with future placements. If people have not tried it I really recommend getting 
along to your local sling library and trying some. 

Lol did not mean to go on a big baby wearing push!


----------



## becs40

Oh pinklady that's so unbelievably hard for you. Amazing for lo though that you're going to be helping bm with her. I really worry for the lo's in situations like that. As adopters and foster carers we do so much research about the effects that the moves have on lo's but I fear bp's don't have the insight or often the desire to learn about it and yet it's as real for them as it is for us.
You're so right on the carrier though. My lo is 30lbs so a real chunk but with the right carrier you're both supported properly so you don't feel the weight. I really love it now!


----------



## Lorella

Hi Pixie! I was a Christmas cracker and a clucky chicken! These adoption boards are great. Good luck with your adoption journey x

Thepinklady - sending you plenty of hugs. You've done a brilliant thing but doesn't make it any easier for you x


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## Thepinklady

Thanks Becs and lorella for your thoughts. We are doing much better than we thought we would be doing if we ended up in this situation. My opinions and values on concurrency have not changed despite our outcome. I will still continue to advocate for it and I know my DH and I will do it all again once we know our current LO is settled and happy with her dear BM. I agree with you becs re. BF knowledge of trauma and effects of moves.  As adopters we are well prepared for dealing with the effects of a move. I asked out social worker how much had been done with mum on this issue and to be honest not a lot. This is why I am glad I get to stay involved for a while anyway to help with the transition and perhaps slowly pass some of this knowledge on. The social workers are doing a fantastic job and to be honest as things stand BM is open to support. We are proud of how well she has done for LO. Don't get me wrong I know I have moments and probably days of grief ahead of me but I also know I have a lot of memories and pleasure to draw on from this last year. 

I follow these boards regularly and it has been a great encouragement to me but I have not posted much due to our small knit location and the complexities of the case I felt a little wary posting publically. I feel like I am slightly intruding on the boards but feel that this is now the right time to contribute when I can. Hope people don't mind me jumping on now! Lol


----------



## RocketJ

Pinklady don't ever worry about intruding - the thing I love about these boards is that they serve different purposes at different times in our journeys, and I've been really grateful that people don't seem to mind or judge if I have a quiet period where I just read and don't post much. I have so much admiration for what you and your husband have done and are doing for this LO xx

I am also really keen on the idea of baby wearing, particularly from a bonding point of view as my LO is reluctant to be held or cuddled much (Becs - your description of how your son used to be is spot on for how Buzz is right now). I have a mothercare carrier I was given, but I'm finding that all the weight is taken through my shoulders and I have always struggled with carrying weight in backpacks etc (D of E was a nightmare!) so am finding I can only use it for 20 min or so and my shoulders and neck usually ache a bit for the rest of the day. Can anyone recommend one that takes more of the weight through your hips? My sister is making me a ring sling, so I am hoping that might be a bit better, but would appreciate tips from those of you who have tried different ones!


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## PixieMcG

I never actually thought about a baby carrier for the bonding but now that i had read this board i will definitely consider this option.

lorella, i too was christmas cracker.


----------



## Thepinklady

Thanks for your lovely comment rocketj. I use a Mai tai which is made from woven material like a wrap or a ring sling but easier and quicker to put on. It spreads the weight evenly across your body. I did try a few buckle carriers at my local sling library but as i am quite petite I found it difficult to get tight enough for my frame. I also felt at the time they were a little bulkie, however as my lo is getting towards toddler stage I think if she were staying I might have  looked at aa toddler Tula which is buckles but less bulkie feel. The high street carriers like the mother care ones are not really ergonomic and are much more difficult to wear comfortably for long periods of time. A good carrier is pricey (£70-120 or much more) but well worth the expense of you use it regularly. They do seem to hold their value well for re-sale. I would recommend looking to see if your local area has a sling library. They have specially trained consultants who will let you try various kinds and recommend ones that suit your specific needs. They also hire them out for a small fee to allow you to try them before committing a lot of money. Good luck finding the right one for you. If you find it I think you will fall in love with it!


----------



## becs40

I love the ergobaby original and have got on with it really well but just need something a little bigger as little man is far from little now. I can still wear him comfortably but just know something bigger will suit us better now. I have a slipped disc so was also worried about the strain on my back but haven't had any issues despite him being over 2 stone! I've gone for the Tula because the design and workings of it are identical to the ergo. I've also just mastered how to put him on my back by myself after watching a great video on YouTube. Certainly front carrying is better for bonding and it has been a doddle to put him in and put it on alone. Lo us still reluctant with cuddles with other family members to so my mum had him in the ergo on Saturday for a little while. She has dreadful neck and shoulder problems and can't hold him for more than a few minutes but she wore him comfortably with no repercussions for about 40 minutes. She also felt it was helping them bond as he was comfortable with being so close to her in the carrier.
Pinklady I second Rocket in that's the beauty of these boards that they're all inclusive no matter how much or how little you contribute.


----------



## becs40

Oh and lately the carrier has been invaluable as lo is constantly wanting to be picked up when I'm trying to do things in the kitchen. So I just stick the carrier on and put him in and I can do things and he's happy to just be up. We're off to a food festival in a couple if weeks and I know it's going to be easier to have him in the carrier and he'll prefer being up high to see everything rather than looking at my and everyone else's knees (parent facing buggy for bonding too!).
Tula I'm learning about but it appears in the majority of cases you actually get back at least what you paid for it when you sell on if not more! Some of the second hand ones go for crazy money which I don't get but not going to complain!


----------



## Thepinklady

Definitely in big crowds and events the carrier comes into its own. Just to warn you becs re. the food festival, if give LO is anything like ours if he is up and close to you he won't let you taste or eat anything without having share!

I am on a couple of baby wearing support and selling ******** pages the pre loved carriers go for a good price because apparently people will pay more for them because they are broken in and soft. I don't think I will ever be like some who have a carrier or wrap for every different outfit or day of the week lol! One at a time for me but it is good to know when ou need or fancy a change there is always the option to trade in.


----------



## becs40

Haha, are you on the Tula b/s/t ******** group? I was looking at the hundreds of pounds price tags of quite a lot of them on there and yet can't find any that actually sell at those prices! 
Uh yes did bank on the sharing of tasters as have to share everything even when at a rooms distance so in a carrier no chance of avoidance!
And yes I also couldn't justify more than one carrier (although am hanging on to the ergo for now in case a sibling comes along and I'll need a carrier for a bubba again!) at a time.


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## Thepinklady

No becs not on Tula just a couple of local baby wearing pages. Good luck with the Tula, hope it is good for your fast growing LO. I will keep my mai tai for our next Placement when it is a bit bigger and probably get a stretchy wrap if it is a new born which with concurrency it is likely to be. Look forward to hearing how your and all the other LO are growing.


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## Norma12

Hi,

Loving reading the updates xx

We were approved at panel today, now the big wait😁


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## becs40

Congrats Norma! Hope your wait isn't too long.

Pinklady I really wanted to try a stretchy but lo was already 21lbs when he arrived so I needed the support. If we do have a sibling though I would be keen to try one. Good luck on your journey, you have done and are doing an amazing thing not just for lo but for bm too.


----------



## Primmer

Congrats norma - hope you don't have too long a wait.


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## Forgetmenot

Gosh Becs.  Lo is a 20lb'der now and a beast!
My wrists are killing me!!

Congrats Norma x


----------



## becs40

FMN he's 30lbs now and my arms are in a permanrpent state of pain as they never get a chance to recover. He was gigantic, 21lbs at 6 months was ridiculous!


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## PixieMcG

Congrats Norma


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## Forgetmenot

Wow because what a big boy!!

Help! Advise!  Been up again for the third night running... My little sleeper has turned into a devil from about 3am onwards!!

Now sat downstairs in a chair while he sleeps on me. We have done an hour and a half of back in cot and screaming... But will only sleep on me.

Don't know what he wants so is it simply his mummy?  I guess it's good as he is happy when on me for security, but is it a case of he's feeling insecure? Or being a general pain?

Think his teeth are still bad, so there's that.... Just hate not knowing, don't want to do anything detrimental to his settling in. 

How do we get him back to his own bed and not waking am shattered 

All that aside little man has been home ten weeks..... Wow how time has flown and couldn't be without the little monster xx


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## Kaytie

HI, my experience was very similar to yours in our placement around the 10 week mark where he went from dream sleeper to little devil.
Make sure it's not dirty nappy, try and just smell him, don't lift or touch. I know it is so so hard but don't let him fall asleep on you continuously or he will very quickly after just a few nights get used to it and then demand it and soon will need your contact to settle.and fall.asleep. Just sit or stand next to cot, maybe put a hand on his back but don't pat just let him know you are there without talking. Give it a try for a few night but it is hard. We really had to man up lol. 
Both of ours settled again after 3 and 4 nights respectively and sleep through most nights. Rarely ever wake now and I know how lucky we are. Intimidating at first but worked for both of ours we could only try.

We had little experience and it was all brand new, exciting and worrying with our first one. His foster carer was very experienced and qualified in childcare so.we asked for her help. What we did wrong was to pick him up, give him a nightfeed again when he no longer got them.(he was 7'months old by then). She said it might be teething if signs are there give calpol or so. Offer water in case he is thirsty but no formula milk as he gets enough during day, let him know you are there by being close to him but don't pick him up. She said be tough on yourself this is not going to be easy. You can only try for a few nights and it might take up to 2 weeks.  
She also advised that it only takes 2 to 3 nights for a baby or toddler to change their sleeping habbits but then takes them 2 to 3 weeks to get rid of that behaviour again. 

I know not everyone agrees to.letting their baby cry and many need the comfort especially early on in placement. Our son was getting lots of love and cuddles and happiness. We tried it with doubts and a bit heartache for our little man, but after 3 nights he was back to self settling and sleeping like a dream.

Our daughter who was placed in July came to us without having ever been taught to go asleep on her own in her bed. Instead it was to let her fall asleep in your arms after a bottle. We went along with things a few weeks to keep the routine and then slowly make the change using the above method gradually. After just 4 days she no longer cried going to bed or if she now wakes during night, she self settles rather than needing to be held.

As I said it worked for us. Both of them were in FC from birth and don't have medical issues. I know that this may not be suitable for everyone but maybe it will help you. Hope you will all get more sleep again soon, it's a killer.


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## Forgetmenot

Thank you!

He's great at going off to sleep on his one at bed time..... He was on night feed but got rid, and he was going through until 5-5"30 which was great.  But he's been ill with ear infection and teething and now, wakes up screaming and that's it... Inconsolable until held.  We have left him.... But mindful of dh and work too.

Going to buy a chair today so we don't need to go downstairs and can doze on it whilst persevering with sleeping and offer water... Not going back down night feed route!  We do all the usual checks... Doesn't seem to be a reason for it... But you just don't know!! Xx


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## RocketJ

Hi, Buzz has only been home 3 weeks and is a bit older I think (13 months) but for what it is worth here's my sleeping tale...

He was sleeping through the night at the FCs, from between 7-8pm until 5.30. He is now sleeping from 6.30 - 6.30 most nights and settles himself quite easily at bedtime, but just in the last few nights has started waking at some point in the night. The first time was when he was ill, then once he had filled his nappy, the last 2 nights I don't think there was any particular reason, except that he has learnt from the first 2 experiences that crying in the night = getting into mummy's bed. I just put him in next to me and he goes back to sleep really quickly. The question is, am I making a rod for my own back?! On the one hand I have successfully taught him some BAD sleeping habits, but on the other hand from an attachment perspective the co sleeping gives us a chance to be close which he is obviously enjoying!

FMN - have you tried putting him in the bed with you?


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## Forgetmenot

Hi rocket, we have out of desperation.... But he doesn't settles, becomes play time. 

Want to stick with his room and his cot.  I guess they change like a flick of a switch.  He's not been well, so guessing aftermath of that, but he's still tiny boy!!

Like you I think the holding aids attachment rather than lots of screaming, don't get me wrong I let him cry.... Just don't want him going backwards and is it adoption attachments or just being a sod lol!!


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## becs40

FMN your lo sounds so like little man! He was sleeping through at FC then started waking during the night about 3am and could generally be up for 2 hours before settling again. There was also not a chance of him ever sleeping in our bed as he just thought he was up for the day and would just start playing and climbing over us.
I have to say it never entered my head to do anything other than be there if that's what he wanted, for me the attachment was always number one with sleeping habits taking a backseat. We just rode it out and it took a couple of months to stop the long wakings and then probably another couple to stop any wakings during the night.
Generally now he sleeps from 6.30pm to 5.30ish, if he does wake in the night now we just pick him up and sit down for a quick cuddle and pop him back-literally 2 minutes. He is definitely more clingy and less settled when he's poorly or overtired.
I think you have to trust your own instinct and do what feels right for your family, I just wanted to let you know if you do decide to ride it out it doesn't necessarily mean bad habits. Little man quite happily goes down awake at night and goes off by himself without us doing any training or teaching, he just feels safe, secure and settled now so can do so.


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations norma xxx

Fmn hope little man sleeps better soon. At the monent our little one is still sleeping ok. We have managed to get him down from two naps now to one. We are doing a little test today as im sure chocolate turns him into a little devil. So no choc today and we will see how he does xxx


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## crazyspaniel

I would say don't worry about creating bad habits, treat it as attachment seeking rather than attention seeking  
If you prefer them to stay in their own rooms make a bed for you in there, sleeping next to them might be enough to settle.
Good luck with your lovely little people everyone!


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks ladies x going to get a bedroom chair for tonight and see how it goes.  I do think he wants his mummy.  He is now distinguishing between calling out mamma and dada.

We are having a day mainly at home today.  I think maybe doing too much and becoming unsettled, but I don't know. Just don't want anything to jepodise what we have achieved, he's such a loving little boy.

We have our review this week to, so anxious about that.  These little monkies don't come with a manual hey!!


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## RocketJ

It's all such a balancing act isn't it between the things they need as much as any other child (routines, stimulation from groups etc) versus the things we know they need to form a healthy attachment (LOTS of 1-1 time with us). I mentioned something about letting him co sleep, and going to him when he cries out to a friend who immediately responded that she hadn't done those things with her children so maybe they would not be attached securely (she meant it well meaningly as a light hearted comment, but still...) and I found myself struggling to keep my voice measured as I pointed out that her children had 9 months forming a healthy attachment to her in her womb and had never had any reason to doubt that their needs would be met!

I hope the chair in his room helps tonight FMN - I am sleeping in the room with Buzz at the minute, so I think he gets that my bed is for sleeping in, but I did have to sort of clamp him to the bed with my arm the first couple of nights to stop him wriggling too much! At nap time there is no chance of getting him to settle if I am in there, he just wants to play, so I am having to go against my SWs advice and leave him to cry for a bit.


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## Forgetmenot

Well we made it to 4am!! So slight progress.
Had a quiet day yesterday and have ss today so will be quiet one too... Shattered!!!
Made up th air bed for his room as can't pick up chair til weekend!
Needless to say must have a puncture lol flat as a pancake!!
Done all the checks and he won't go back of, so playing now on his own in room!!!
Happy days... Still cute x


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## becs40

Ah   FMN it's a killer! For what it's worth I used to feel much worse going back to sleep at 5 to get up an hour later! It will pass but it definitely makes you feel better when you say to yourself if this is where he's happiest and most secure to sleep then it's a privilege and fantastic that he sees you as that safe place. We have an IKEA poang in his room but because it's a small room it's too crowded with the footstool so we used a small beanbag as a footrest and I could doze off comfortably. I did put some cushions on the arm though as too low to hold lo comfortably. You do get so tired though you could sleep anywhere! 
I still find it very hard to go to bed early, mainly because the evening is my time but just getting so tired as he's up between 5-5.30 everyday. He tends to have an hours sleep in the afternoon so I've started this week doing that too and feel so much better for it.


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## Forgetmenot

That's good becs. He tends not to nap in the afternoon.  He has a snooze now for about and hour to two, but is inconsistent and often just doze off and he wakes... So staying up is better!  Used to do marking in the morning around 530 so not too bad.... Though loving now just watching TV lol!!  We are lucky lo is asleep at 630 so can have a short evening and sleep!!

Don't know what difference my pjs made.... But he was snuggled to them for ages last night!!  They are so cute when asleep   I love watching him.  I was talking to mum about him only sleeping on me.... And I think you are right..... It hopefully means he's attaching to his mummy and we will ride it out.

Going out for a meal with a friend tonight, so hoping not too tired.  I have said to dh tonight's his night if he wakes.... Have done it al, this week and early starts (he normally gets up and has an hour while I slept, but works been manic for him this week).... Trying to spread the load!! Xx


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## becs40

Yes definitely right to share. I used to be the one that got up through the night and dh would get up with him in the morning giving me an hour in the morning. 
Little man has a morning nap about 9 for 1 1/2hours then again at 2.30 for appx 1 hour. The morning nap means I can get things done and sit and enjoy breakfast rather than not getting any or bolting it whilst trying to do other things. Afternoon nap is then for me. Lo goes down at 6.30-7 and sometimes is asleep for 6.30 sometimes 7.30 depending on how long/late he slept in the afternoon. 
It's frustrating though as just as you find a routine that works for you all they change and you have to sus it out all again! We have our stay and play adoption group tomorrow which really looking forward to, we missed last months. Now he's walking he's going to have even more fun! Next month is a fancy dress Halloween party so looking forward to getting him something to wear for that!


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## Loki Girl

Well after thinking no one has posted for a few days I realised it was me not getting notified so now big catch up lol. Funny reading your posts bout sleeping. Our little man went through 5 days of hell with teething. He generally sleeps through from 7pm till 7.30/8am but with his teeth he was up for hour and a half or 2hrs. Doesn't help that little lady is still waking 5-5.30!!! So sometimes after spending 2hrs getting little man to sleep as soon as I got into bed was up with little lady. Only surviving on 4-5hrs sleep was taking its toll!!! A tip that you could consider trying FMN. Our little man refuses to be held or rocked or anything when really upset. The FC would sit him in his bouncy chair, turn him away from her with a blanket that he only gets when upset, turn all lights off and ignore him. Sounds cruel but he knows and it works. All we need now is to do this and get him calm and then even if he's not asleep he's calm enough to go back to bed. It didn't always work when his teeth were really bad and one night we ended up giving him a bottle as we thought cus he's crawling about all over the place now maybe he's hungry. We checked back with FC and she said he only does that when teething. Happy to say he is now back to sleeping 7pm through to 8am. We have introduced little lady to gro clock and whereas it's not ideal at the moment I think the concept is getting there. She is back to napping over an hour in day whereas it was only 30mins before and she would wake so miserable and be horrible for about an hour. Now she only takes 10mins to come round. And today she slept till 5.45 just before the gro clock changed to sunshine. We are doing it very slowly and started at 5.30am. Sometimes she even wakes up and calls to us rather than her usual immediate screaming so feel we are making slow progress.  I am certainly feeling more human during day finally!!!

Happy also to report those of you who know of our struggles with little lady I can say things are sooooooo much better!!! She still has moments but in terms of clingyness and attention seeking behaviour she has massively improved. I feel now I can deal with her rationally as its only occasionally now that things go wrong but I can read the signs and I'm not worn out by constantly coping with her challenging behaviour. She is still a little jealous of little man but at the end of the day she is a toddler lol. We have started some new toddler groups which they both love and now little man is on the move he just crawls off so sometimes I get to sit have a coffee and chat!!! Our little lady weighs 28lb and little man 22lbs at 9mths. What is with these chunky monkeys lol?!!!! I have constant pain in my elbow from repetitive lifting of him and having to hold little lady's hand. Think I may look into these slings. Do u have problems with them grabbing you tho? Our little man is terrible at pulling your hair or grabbing our glasses when we are holding him. I'd worry I would be constantly trying to hold little lady's hand and pick up my glasses lol. He's fine in buggy tho and we have a double one for both of them. 

Congrats to those who have been approved and hope you will be lucky and not have to wait too long for matches.


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## becs40

Little man is a bit of a grabber usually but oddly enough doesn't do it in the carrier, not sure why as it would be a lot easier for him! I had him in it yesterday and popped into the supermarket just for a couple of bits and he started touching my mouth and cheek and giggling. It was so lovely to have that interaction with him and I think it's definitely making him more cuddly. He actually sat on my mums lap today and snuggled up and watched CBeebies for 20 minutes which is unheard of and she was absolutely thrilled and said it was the first time she's had proper cuddles from him. I'm sure it is down to the carrier as now he's on the move properly he's become a typical toddler in not sitting still for a second usually.


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## Thepinklady

My LO is constantly trying to grab my glasses if sitting on my knee but like becs she does not seem to do it in the carrier. I think she is too busy looking around and seeing what's going on. Lol


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## Loki Girl

Well we had a perhaps not so surprising shock today. Our social workers visited and informed us birth mom is pregnant again and due in January!!! Bearing in mind our 2 have their 1st and 2nd birthdays 5 days apart in beginning of Dec!!!! We knew with her being so young there would be possibility of her getting pregnant in the future but 3 under 3!!!!! She has stated that she wants to keep it but if she can't she wants it to go with its siblings. They don't know if it's the same father as our little lady or a 3rd one as our 2 don't have the same dad. It's also more difficult cus she has moved area tho just in the next council over to us so she would need to be assessed again. If we looked at foster to adopt think we would have to get reassessed for that otherwise the baby would go into foster care and we might not get it till they were 6/7mths old. Not sure yet what would be best plan. I think if we knew it was one of their full siblings we would go for foster to adopt. Obviously all the family has been screened and none were deemed suitable to take our little lady but with a 3rd different father there might be family members and I couldn't go through having to give up a baby especially with our 2 so young. 

It's a lot to think about especially when we are just feeling things are getting better with our little lady lol. I guess she would be much older and prob doing pre school by then especially if we didn't get the baby till next summer. It's def quite a lot to digest but have to say an exciting thought knowing we could have another baby out there!!! I must be mad!!!!


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## becs40

We were in similar situ Loki. Bm was pregnant again and also due in Jan. They had just started reassessing her but she lost the baby. LA told us I think to give us the heads up that it's likely to happen again and sooner rather than later.
We knew we would say yes to sibling but we're also undecided as to whether to fta from birth or like our little man from placement order. It's so difficult as there's pros and cons to either situation.


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## Loki Girl

Aww sorry to hear that Becs. Like u say tho chances of it happening again are prob quite high. It's a bit of a minefield with what to do but I guess for us we have to concentrate on these 2 and see how things go. I think they do have to give you the heads up which is what our SW said today but said obviously to keep with the plan and apply for our 2 adoption orders at end Oct and try to carry on as normal. Think we might need to move house!!!


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## moobags

Hi ladies

Sorry it's a quick one and sorry for being AWOL just wanted to let you know we had a unanimous recommendation at panel just waiting on the ADM intros are to start 5 October can't come soon enough.

So so happy just hope it all goes according to plan,

Moo x


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## RocketJ

Woohoo! Brilliant news Moobags, I hope you've been celebrating!


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## Ozzycat

Congratulations moo bags. . Roll on intros x


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations moobags fantastic news xx


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## becs40

Congrats Moo!

Loki, there was a part of me that was relieved, the thought of a 19 month old and newborn was scary with how exhausting little man is on his own. The other part was the daydreamer bit that was thinking how lovely it would be to be able to experience it all, and a Jan birthday when dh and I are both Jan too! Oh well what's meant to be will be!

In other exciting news my new carrier arrived today and I love it and little man appeared to also as got very excited when he saw it and then me putting it on! Looking forward to using it this weekend!


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## Thepinklady

Love the crocodiles becs. Hope you enjoy using it. Will definitely be trying a Tula in the future. Have fun wearing, you will get lots of compliments with that!


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## pringle

Congratulations Moo


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## becs40

I love it pinklady! I assume it's supposed to be alligators as its called "later gator" , loved loads of the girlie ones but needed something dh would use too!


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## Helend75

Hi ladies
Confession - I'm a regular reader & have a diary but am today posting for entirely selfish reasons.
We were approved last month & had a tentative link on AL, tentative as the family finder liked the look of us but concern was that this was a sibling group of 3 when we're approved for 2. Our sw brought us the children's CPRs Thursday of last week but spoke with the family finder the same day & the message we got was that they had really liked the sound of us but we're investigating 2 other couples with more sibling experience. Fair enough. 
At 1.10 yesterday I got an email to say family finder kept coming back to us, were we still interested having read the CPRs as other links had fallen through.
Took my lunch 10mins later & made 2 'big' calls. First to OH asking if he'd seen the email & also how had his am doctors appointment been? Second to our sw.
OH has been to see the gp at the beginning of the month with a swelling. After a weeks worth of antibiotics he went back & had an ultrasound arranged for Thursday. The ultra sound shows a lump (testicular) with its own blood supply - indicative of a tumour. The gp had already made a hospital referral & the guideline is that he should be seen inside a fortnight - but he spent the afternoon chasing up his private health scheme & hopes to receive a call Monday giving him a consultation asap.
Then called the sw, not having had things sink in & said all the right stuff. She informed me that she was on leave most of next week so I'd hear nothing until the end of the week. She later emailed to say that the family finder had been pleased to learn we were still interested but to balance this against the fact she had an additional 2 PARs to read.

Obviously OH's health is the big issue here, but when I got home, his concern like mine was that if this does prove worst case scenario then this will be a major setback to ever getting our family. We know it would be wrong to get in deep & are hoping that by the end of next week we would know if we do need to disclose anything to our sw. 
I daren't even read through the CPRs again as I know that potentially we have to withdraw. Talk about messing with your head...!!!

After approval has anyone suffered a major health scare that could advise?


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## Ozzycat

Hey Helen, I just wanted to send u a big hug and hope u get good news with both xxxx
My dad had cancer through being approved and they did try to stop us progressing but like my dad we both fought it and now he's in remission and we've got a gorgeous little girl x
I just wanted to wish you all the best and let u know this forum is the best place for support and advice xxx


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## Lorella

Congrats Moo! 

Helen - just wanted to send big hugs. Why do things always happen at the wrong time. I don't really have any experience, except like Ozzycat, my mother in law was fighting cancer when we were adopting and they were fine about it. We just had to show we could cope etc. I'm keeping fingers crossed you get good news xx


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## Helend75

Both sets of sw already have concerns that we weren't assessed for 3, I think if we do get a bad (but not unexpected) diagnosis this week then we won't need anyone else to take us that we'd be taking too much on.
Is just like to be cut a bit of slack, after 3yrs ttc, treatment & miscarriages, everything was finally coming together for us this year.
I will post again once we've seen a specialist and have a bit more to go on. 
Thanks for your kind wishes x


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## Hopefull 37

Congrats moo,  so exciting!

Helend75, that's not an easy situation but try and be positive, it cud be benign.  I do know the feeling of jus wanting a break from the 'battles' tho just to be happy, but wen u do get your family it'll b better still.

Hope all u ladies are OK. 
Xxxxx


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## becs40

Ah Helen  , it's a really crappy position to be in but stay positive! There's a few of us who got so close then had major things come up that we thought would either put things on hold or stop us altogether but they did work out. If you speak to pretty much anyone that's adopted there's always been something that creates up and downs but when you look back they will say everything happens for a reason. Without the trials and traumas we go through we wouldn't end up with the children we do. It's fates hand I believe, if these siblings are meant for you it will be ok, if there's other children out there that are for you then things will take a different course but keep believing it's all for a reason. Stay strong!


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## Forgetmenot

Becs, I used to get so upset when people used to say your children our out there it's fate etc.... And our long wait and the children that fell through for want of a better word, that I think about often.  But our little boy is so right for us, he is the one I was meant to have and be his mummy, for that I know now.  So very hard at the time when going through it.  We had so many ups and downs. 

But we can now apply for our adoption order.... I still feel someone is going to come and take him of us.  I know that's so silly, but need reassurance, that this is actually going to happen and we get to keep him forever, well until he decides to move out.  Moving onto size 4 nappies this week was trauma enough.... My bubba is growing!

Helen, I really hope you get some good news, it's hard when life throws you a curve ball but stay strong xx


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## Primmer

Feeling so down about it all this weekend, we have started for look again for our child after our second link falling through. Just so soul destroying to be sent profiles express an interest and then find out that they are already linked or are looking in house. Just feel like it's never going to happen for us. Think it's worse this weekend as dh away and I am poorly which isn't helping.


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## becs40

You're so right FMN it all sounds so cliche when you're going through hell and you think it's all going to end or the children you've seen and convinced are right for you are slipping away. But I've yet to meet any adopter that looks back and thinks it should have been different. Our lo is just so right for us and the sheer complete joy he brings just washes all the hurt away. I can't imagine me be anyone else's mummy or him having a different mummy it's just right. 
Also with you on how fast they grow up too, we're thinking about Christmas this year and how we're going to make it special and what family traditions we're going to create and yet it only seems like last Christmas was yesterday. He was this little (ok I don't believe he was ever little!) bubba who was starting to learn to sit up and now he's this little tornado on legs literally running around leaving a trail of devastation in his wake, babbling away and his personality is now like a beacon it's so strong and bright! We had 4 months of waiting for him, hearing all about him and falling for him with the plans constantly changing and then it all almost falling through and being told by our sw to look at other profiles but it's all a blur now. He was meant to be here and we just had to stay strong and keep believing he would be ours if it was meant to be.


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## becs40

Ah primmer   Cross posted! 
It is such a test this part of the process but you will get there and as I said above it really does sound cliche but you won't think about what went on before you found your lo as it won't matter then. All that will matter is everything that happened before led you to being in the right place at the right time for your lo. Stay strong and focus on that time because it will happen.


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## Forgetmenot

Primmer, big hugs.... You know what a nutter I was waiting, and waiting.

It will be ok x hope you feel better soon lovely x


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## Forgetmenot

Becs... I have been thinking xmas traditions.... What to start etc Pinterest is my new obsession!!

Anyone got any lovely ones they have started with their lo they want to share? Xx


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## liveinhope

Big hugs Primmer - lots of us have all been at the waiting stage and it sucks ;(

Helen, hope all works out.  Each authority views things differently so be prepared for that.

I know its easy for me to say but I do believe that the right children will find you...hopefully that wont be too long


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## ultrafirebug

Forget - I do naughty elf on the shelf and Xmas eve I give DS a box with new pjs, DVD, sweets etc for use that night x


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## becs40

Yes me too FMN, amazes me where 2 hours go when I just pop on to Pinterest!  

Ultra we were going to do the whole new Xmas jamas/sleepsuit thing on Xmas eve. Lo is still a bit young as will only be 18 months but want to start doing our traditions even if he doesn't do them this year. 

We're going to do the hand/footprint Xmas plate this year that we'll use every year for santas mince pie etc.

We're going to be staying at my mum and dads this Xmas eve even though they're only up the road so things that we will do in the future probably won't happen this year. I do envisage the Christmas movie thing on Xmas eve though going forward. I also want to get lo to choose 4/5 toys that Santa will take each year to give to other children who need them and he'll leave him new ones instead! Hoping that will make it easier to cut down on toys in years to come. Again too young this year but maybe next year.


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## Lorella

Big hugs Primmer x

Love Xmas!! Last yr LO had only been here a short while and looking back I feel like we didn't really know her at all. To top it off we were all ill for all of Xmas week so we are hoping for a better one this year. We also do nice Xmas sleep suit and nice red Xmas dress to wear Xmas day, although this yr it's a cute Christmas outfit! We put the carrot and mince pie out for the big man and his reindeer. Got a cute picture of little pickle holding the plate! Stockings with mummy, daddy and LO name on - loved ordering those. Christmas is gonna be amazing this yr! ( no vomit bug please!!) x


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## becs40

Ah I've just pinned some stockings on Pinterest to make for us all this year. Need to get ordering supplies!

Little man had been with us less than a week last Xmas and had nasty cough and was on antibiotics which led to projectile dhiarhoea on Xmas day! So didn't feel like Xmas at all. We didn't even get him a Xmas present because everything was so rushed and chaotic! Was hard enough trying to get the essentials let alone pressies too. 
There's a local photographer doing a mini Xmas shoot, 1/2 hour session with 3 photos. So we're going to get him a nice Xmas romper (and special Xmas nappy of course!) and get some pics done and choose a nice one for our Xmas cards this year.
No idea on how our Xmas tree will survive though, thinking a projected image may be the way to go  !


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## Troodles

Hey ladies

Remember me??  So so sorry I disappeared! 2 little pickles keep me busy and shattered!!! Lol
Have not been able to read and catch up yet but just want tons at hi and send lots of love. Will try and catch up this weeks X X x


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## becs40

Of course we remember you Troodles!  
How's it going? It's an enormous shock to the system isn't it no matter how well prepared you think you are for it.
We had a really lovely family day yesterday, popped into a Macmillan coffee morning at our new neighbours whilst little man had his morning nap and granny sat with him. Then we took him to the zoo where he did lots of walking, mainly trying to chase the little train rather than being interested in any actual animals lol! 
We then went to my mum and dads for a late afternoon Sunday roast. Tried to put little ban down for his afternoon nap as he was so so tired but wasn't having any of it! So we made it through to an early bedtime and no bath and he was asleep by 6.30pm. Woke up this am to him sounding so bright and chirpy and full of beans chatting away not only to his normal "Roo" comforter but also the "monkey" one he'd borrowed from granny as well last night. Rolled over to look at the time and it was 4.30am! Left him yo it as he was still lying down and he dropped back off by 5 and then woke up at 7.00am! 7.00am is a real luxury, felt like such a treat to get a lie in on a Monday morning! Now just got to battle something near a normal routine to get back on track with naps!


----------



## Forgetmenot

I love the idea of leaving toys... Does Santa take them?

Helen, really hope you get some good news this week lovely x


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## becs40

Yes FMN Santa swaps his old toys for some nice new ones and gives his old toys to other children who will love them. Doesn't have to be Santa though, I know a few parents who just get the children to choose which toys to give to the charity shop for other children. Think Santa may cause less arguments though but I do like the concept of it all. Not least because it's teaching them to let go of "things" that don't have special meaning etc and also gives the responsibility to them to choose which toys are important to them and which are not.


----------



## PixieMcG

hi everyone, its so nice to read all of your stories.

I'm sorry to those of you who have had matches or links fall through that must be heart wrenching to say the least.

We were approved three weeks ago but our SW has been on holiday and only returns tomorrow, so I'm hoping she will get right into looking for a match for us.  I confess we haven't really talked through what happens next as we were so focused on one step at a time and now that were here I'm like what happens now.

Were not expecting to be linked this year at all or matched, not sure of the terminology, and I'm also aware that its different in every region or LA.  I would be over the moon if we got linked in preparation for the beginning of next year to start a new family but i know that is very hopeful.


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone I just wanted to ask if anyone else has experienced feeling quite lonley being an adoptive mummy??
I absolutely adore my little girl and feel so blessed to have her, we go to baby groups and I've a few friends on maternity leave but some days I find myself barely talking to anyone. .. it's just abit hard going from such a busy life with work and socialising to suddenly finding ur self with just ur gorgeous munchkin to chat to x
I wouldn't change it for the world tho x


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## Forgetmenot

See my previous posts!  It's quite isolating x
We keep ourselves busy, though lovely, it could be so much more fun! 
Here's hoping our social circles increase in the forthcoming months xx


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## Lorella

Ozzycat - hugs. As much as I love my gorgeous girl and am lucky enough to have a good circle of friends and family with kids a similar age, I too felt like this and still do sometimes. Its a major change to our lives so totally understandable I think. I find carpet play particularly boring and try to limit this as much as I can by getting out as much as i can. I never thought I would. I always thought I would be overjoyed to spend every single second with my LO but that's just not the real world. It's ok to feel like this and you are not alone 😘 xx


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## becs40

No definitely not ozzy. I feel exactly the same. My social life pre bubba was only work colleagues anyway as never made any close friends locally due to being out at work mainly! My work colleagues were also the opposite direction from work from me so they're all 30 miles plus so I haven't met up other than 1 work meal out since December.
I find it really difficult getting out with little man what with nap times, meal times and now the fact he's mobile so doesn't want to be stuck in the buggy so we're at home 90% of the time. We go to music on a Tuesday and we go to my mums for lunch 2-3 times a week for an hour or so. I have to say it has been getting me down a bit lately as it's quite suffocating sometimes. I do find I'm my own worst enemy though in that at weekends dh says he'll take little man for the morning or whatever on Saturday but then I don't get the time with dh so I decline so we can all be together. 
I do think I need to try and get some time out for just me, the highlight of my week is often when mum has little man for an hour for me to nip to the supermarket!


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## RocketJ

Phew - a relief to find I'm not a failure as an adoptive mummy because I get bored stiff 'playing' for hours on end at home! In my case it's not because I don't have people I could see as I have a number of friends locally who are at home with their kids, but because I've been trying to stick with the 'funnelling' principal for as long as possible. He's been home nearly 4 weeks, so just this last week I've been beginning to introduce him to people, but always on neutral territory (my SW recommended not taking him to other people's houses as well as not having too many people round at mine).

I do try and get out of the house as much as we can, and I have gently persuaded Buzz to switch to one midday nap which means we have better chunks of time for going places, and more of a chance to go to baby groups, which we are starting this week. We go to the shops and the park loads, but my favourite place has been the library - we have a great children's area, and I was really honest with the librarian that we are not really there to look at books, it's just a different space for us to play in for a while so I don't get so bored! She was fine with that, and I do check out some books usually too  We also used it as a place to meet people when it was wet outside. I've not tried yet, but apparently if you call at Costa on the way you can take coffee in with you too 

Anyway, sympathies extended to all those bored mummies out there! Ozzycat, I really could have written your post xx


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## Loki Girl

Haha this seems very common. We are out and about as much as possible otherwise I just end up trying to balance the 2 of them or telling the toddler multiple times a day she is too heavy to do boingy boingy on baby's tummy like she does Daddy lol. She has no idea of her strength and whereas he is no lightweight and am sure will have his revenge and be bigger than her she still hurts him. I have them napping together in afternoon so will be out at toddler groups or soft play or just shopping during the mornings. Haven't considered library yet as I don't have the quietest children lol. They do love books tho so do keep meaning to sign them up. I also hate sitting on the floor due to a bad back so it's hard to get down and play with them all the time. 

Don't know if anyone has had this but yesterday we had our 6 week post placement contact with little man's foster carer. With little lady we went out to dinner and all was good. Our little man's foster carer wanted to come to the house and not go out to dinner so we invited her to stay dinner with us. They came at 4pm and only left when I said look I am putting them to bed. But whereas little man was shy to begin with he soon started lapping up the attention they were giving him. It's a single lady and her 16yr old son. Our little lady really played up and was really clingy and was really attention seeking through dinner as I guess she didn't understand why they were there or maybe she was worried? But little man then wouldn't be put down at all and ok we obliged cus of foster carer being there. However today he has been awful!!! Everytime I have tried to put him down he has cried. His sleeping during day was very broken and normally he has a good nap and he hasn't been very good going down to bed tonight where normally he goes in his cot and we don't hear a peep. Do you think the foster carer's visit unsettled him? Has anyone else encountered this? Hopefully he will be back to normal tomorrow and thankfully it's only 1 visit after 6 weeks so won't be booking anymore up!! She was very attached to him and it still showed and even tho we had sent her the odd photo and a video of when he started crawling she bought her camera and was taking loads of photos of him. I felt sorry for our little lady and no wonder she was playing up!!! She has been golden today bless her while trying to deal with little man. The foster carer was dead against us adopting baby no 3 as she was worried bout her 'boy' but I just let it ride cus it's not her boy it's our boy and our decision to make at the end of the day!!

Anyways hopefully he'll be better tomorrow. Really feel our little girl is settling, she is being so good and gives us the most amazing hugs and kisses. I will admit to not liking caring for her for some weeks there but think we are really coming out of the tunnel now. It is also so amazing to be thinking of their birthdays and Christmas. I can't wait!!! We are going pumpkin picking at my work at Halloween and they also have Santa's grotto which is so cool so can't wait to finally be able to take them to that. They also do Santa nights where Santa arrives with his reindeer it's so cool. Rather than working it now this year can enjoy it with my family. 

Anyways sorry no personals hard to keep up these days but glad you checked in Troodles and Pixie  hope you don't have to wait around too long for a match. 

Waving hello to everyone else  xx


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## RocketJ

Loki, that sounds really hard having the FC round at your house! We are meeting the FCs tomorrow (the placing LA insist on a meet at 4 weeks, and at 12 weeks) and I'm really not looking forward to it. We've chosen a neutral place, and it will only be for an hour, but I have no idea how he will react. They were very attached to him,but he has shown no sign of grieving for them at all and doesn't take much interest in looking at their photo. It's frustrating to have to meet with them now though as I feel like we are just getting into a rhythm the last few days, and now this might completely rock the boat. So glad to hear that things are improving with your little girl xx


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## Ozzycat

Thanku so much lovely ladies for making me feel normal,  what would I do without u all xxx
Meeting the FC was really hard as they loved little lady so much and on both visits they hugged and held her but she was ok it was only me who got upset.. good luck tomorrow Rocket J and Loki I hope things settle down x
Big hugs to us fabulous adoptive mummies... were kicking butt 😍😛😗


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## Forgetmenot

After several really good nights sleep, back to a screaming baby!
He's been fed, changed and watered!
Wish I knew what was wrong.... Though think he just wants to play and mummy wants sleep xx


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## Loki Girl

Is he teething again FMN? Our little boy had had hard time with teeth recently. You would think he would cry but he would be up and playing and being awake for 1 1/2 - 2hrs for about 5 nights on the trot. He then slept well for a couple of nights then had a really bad night but seems to of settled again. He is really chewing his fingers on one side of his mouth and the other morning his cheek was quite red. Can't feel anything new coming in tho so whatever it is is taking a while to come through. We moved up to neurofen rather than Calpol and although he doesn't like it as much it seems to help him better than Calpol. 

I was worried about how he would be last night as he was quite unsettled going to bed, however he slept through but woke at 5am. We went in a couple of times to try and put his dummy back but he kept refusing so we left him and prayed he didn't wake little lady up. Thankfully he wasn't too loud and went back off about 5.45am. I really don't like dummies but he came with one so can't do anything about it. I'm like well if you don't want it when u are really upset then what's the point of having it? I was lucky through 24yrs of nannying I never had babies with dummies only bottles to wean off. He likes it to go to sleep with tho but I try not to give it him at any other time. Would like to wean him off somehow but think it might be a bit soon yet. I always worry bout teeth cus he he doesn't even have one of the proper best for teeth ones. Tried getting him one of the half ones that are supposed to be better for mouth but he was having none of that!! 

Little lady did so well with the gro clock today she woke up talking at 5.50am rather than her normal immediate screaming and talked to herself when she started to start crying at 6am. The sun would of just come into her clock so we were dead impressed thinking that maybe she had watched the clock and only started to cry when she saw the sun and knew it was time to get up. Maybe it was fluke hahaha. She is back to sleeping over an hour in the day and she is sooooo much happier!!!! Maybe she's finally getting message at 21mths sleep is good lol. 

Rocket hope it all goes well today. I'm sure it will. Like I said we had no probs with little lady so wasn't expecting him to be so unsettled. Ozzy glad yours went ok. 

FMN - sleep when he sleeps today lol. That always made me laugh when our social worker said that I was like um they don't sleep at same time although we have fixed that now and little lady only sleeps for half an hour and I get my lunch in that time so not sure when u think I should sleep hahaha.


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## Ozzycat

FMN snap.... Our munchkin is teething could that be the same for ur little man? X


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## Forgetmenot

He's been teething for ages... Though very little progress!!
He has two teeth now for all his pain 

Loki your little lady sounds like she's doing great! What an amazing job you guys are doing x. We have got little man on calpol and nurofen combo lol. Hate giving him mess, but at times is the only way.  What did people do before this  x

Ozzie hope little one has a good day today... Never seems as bad in the day as can distract x

Bless them xx


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## Loki Girl

Aww FMN sounds like your poor little chap is having hard time with teeth. Our little man came with his 4 bottom and 4 top and got 2 more through at top since we have had him. Not sure where these ones that are causing him jip are coming in tho. We were about to resort to neurofen/Calpol combo but then he seemed to settle. Also got Dentinox which is bit like ambesol from chemist. He doesn't like the taste as much as Calgel lol but it's supposed to work a bit like an anasthetic lol. We do what we do to get us through the nights. 

Am actually feeling quite chuffed with our little lady. To see the improvement in her is amazing especially when I was nearly at rock bottom trying to deal with her day in and day out. It was so hard to be positive with her but think it is eventually paying off. She is just lovely at the moment. I know she will have more tantrums in the future as she comes through the 2's but our teaching her to be patient and calm is working. She now says to me 'never mind, calm now' hahaha. We have found she needs quite a lot of explanation about things even at only 21mths old. She understands so much and her speech is more like a 3yr old lol. Just talking through stuff with her even if she doesn't understand everything def helps her calm down. It's all such a learning curve when u take on these little ones. It would be one of the advantages if we were allowed to take on the new born if it was taken as then we would def get to know the baby rather than learning what they are all about at 6mths. I'm not sure how the contact would work tho. Our little man was absolutely raging through every contact. His BM just hadn't connected with him at all and he knew it. They had to have his FC go on contacts cus he was in such a mess. Due to safety we can't meet birth parents so don't fancy our little one being taken every week by a social worker to contact or even if they would do that. Guess it's all in the future and will have to wait and see. 

Anyways should stop rambling as this is the only time I get to do anything with little lady eating toast in her high chair and little man in bouncy chair having his bottle lol.


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## Lorella

I just wanted to say to those worried about FC visits we had FC to our house after 4 wks ( 2 adults and 4 children!) and I was really worried about it. They all held her and played with her etc but that night she was ok and in fact I felt a kind of calmness come over her after that. So I believe it worked as it should of and let her know they were all ok and hadn't suddenly disappeared. I was very strict after that though of when and where we met. We have the most attached, confident and charmingly gorgeous daughter, who just this morning actually gave me a 'proper' hug ( rather than just leaning in with her head!),  and I'm sure some of that is down to doing everything possible to get that early bond with mummy and daddy. Stick to your guns and do what you think is right for your family. Everyone is different xx

Also re. Dummies. I'm trying to wean LO off hers. We started with it all the time, then reduced to cot and car, then we had a little toy in her cot whose job it was to look after the dummies. After every sleep we gave the 2 dummies ( one extra so she could get another one if one fell down the side of the cot) to the toy to 'look after' so now the dummies never leave the cot. I've just started putting her in now and not putting her dummy in, but she knows where to get one from if she needs it. Next stage will be complete removal!

Teeth are a nightmare. I find that calpol and baby neurofen 2 hrs a part before bed, a but of snufflerub and spoonful of cough medicine does the trick! My LO always him gets hacking cough when teething.  

Loki - so pleased to hear your little lady is settling down x


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## alig1972

Hi 

We have our 3rd and final meeting with the new SW next monday and then a decision will be made if we can finally progress to Stage 2.! Fingers crosssed. 
Just hope we have been able to express ourselves fully this time...

Ali x


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## Tictoc

Just wanted to reply to the post about FC meeting. We were encouraged to meet ours only 2 weeks after placement - I really didn't want to and the next day LO screamed most of the day and was unsettled going to bed. However it literally lasted 24 hours and then he did seem to start to really settled with us.

We are actually due next meeting with FC soon and am unsure as to whether I should invite her to our house or just meet somewhere neutral again. Any thoughts?

Also - the loneliness - i'm lucky that I built a network of mum friends last time I was off but it really is hard. Those with bio children are off on leave at the same time as their NCT group so have a ready made social circle. I actually found that I made friends through my oldest child starting pre school and then school. There's a lot of standing around in the playground and you just start to chat. Other than that it's actually really hard I'm afraid. Are there any on these boards that are local to eachother?


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## RocketJ

Well, after lots of reservations about it, the FC meeting went pretty well. I actually really like them, and they seem very happy with the match, I just find their style of interacting with Buzz a bit tricky sometimes. It was originally going to be the full family coming to the meeting, but my SW pushed (on my behalf) for it to be adults only, so it was more low key and it worked well. They did do lots of cuddling etc and after a bit he started squirming for me, but it doesn't seem to have unsettled him. What was really lovely was his initial reaction to seeing them - he frowned a bit, and stared at them, checked back with me, and then you could almost see the cogs whirring as he processed what was going on - then he just beamed at them and was really excited! A great reaction from my point of view as he was clearly looking for my reassurance that this was okay, but also lovely for them.


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## Lorella

Rocket - pleased it went well 

Tictoc - after the first meeting at our house all the rest have been on neutral ground but if you feel ok having FC to your house then I'm sure it will be fine. 

Ali - good luck xx


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## AoC

Loki, we had a week of terrible unsettled behaviour after our (then 2yo) Bug heard his SWers voice over the hands-free phone in the car.... So yes, this can happen!

Rocket, Bug hardly ever talked about FC or had much interest in her pics etc.  Then over a year after he came home, he suddenly said our cat had to go back to his FC because she'd been naughty... so just because he's not talking about it, doesn't mean he's not thinking about it, and making up sadder stories than real life.  :-/


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## PixieMcG

We finally got our approval letter, so it's official. No one can take it back 😂

We're now in the waiting game what I'm sure most of you have already experienced of are currently waiting like us.

All of the stories are lovely to read as now when were matched maybe I won't feel so bad if things aren't perfect.


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## becs40

Congrats pixie, hope the wait isn't too long!

I'm not sure anyone has had perfect but I know I wouldn't swap it for the world. My lo just gets cuter, more adorable and cheekier everyday. From all those years of heartache and forced smiles fronting the tears inside, he never fails to make me laugh and smile and my heart burst with love for him every day. Amidst the strops, tantrums and general trials and tribulations of course!


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## Helend75

Just a quick update from me - apologies for not reading through everyone's updates. OH had an appointment with a consultant this evening who confirmed testicular cancer. The conversation about whether we'd planned on any more children was a joy to sit through...
They're moving quickly, he'll have it removed Friday morning followed by CT scan next week & tests to see if it's spread. If it's been caught early enough then Friday's op will be the extent of any treatment, though he will be regularly monitored for years.
If it's spread then there's radiotherapy or chemo to look forward to.

I'll speak to our sw on her return to work on Friday.


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## Ozzycat

Sending big hugs Helen    
Keep us updated x


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## Forgetmenot

Oh Helen I am so sorry for you both x bet this feels like a step too much right now x

Fingers crossed for Friday. Hope the operation is a success and it's all your dh needs.  Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, I am sure your dh is beating himself up for what he is or isn't affecting if that makes sense.  You guys will have both had a massive shock and a scare that will make you both more determined to be parents and the best ones you can be as it shows you the fragility of life and actually what's important in life.

Wishing you both all the very best xxx


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## Loki Girl

Helen just wanted to send u huge hugs and hope everything goes well for your DH and his op on Fri.  It's not the same I know but my father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 6-9mths last Oct just as we started stage 2. Our social worker at the time was real old school and was so doom and gloom about it telling us well we would prob get approved but no social worker would want to place children with us. It was all she focused on every time she visited something me and DH didn't appreciate or want to be reminded of every week. However not only did we get approved but we have now 2 lovely children with us and my father in law is still doing really well a year later. The guilt is horrible and your DH will be feeling it so try to concentrate on him at he mo and hopefully things will get better after his op. 

Pixie - congratulations. I was disappointed when we got our approval letter. I was so excited and expected bells and whistles and flags lol. It was just a standard letter hahaha. You never know what they have in the pipeline for you which is the frustrating part. I said to my social worker I don't care if you don't have any children but just send me an email every week so I don't go stir crazy and think you have forgotten us lol. Luckily our new social worker was lovely and was laughing and said she would. She came in Jan 2 weeks after we were approved and said they had no in house children but when she came 2 weeks later she had found our daughter and son so things are moving all the time. They had another couple lined up for our daughter but that fell through so you never know. 

I think it's good you are aware their may be things to deal with depending on their age. As Becs said our children are lovely and wonderful and wouldn't swop them for the world and although our toddler has thrown up a multitude of challenges and still does lol when I see all the hard work we are doing paying off it makes it all worth it. I don't think I do the right thing all the time and yes I do shout because with a toddler and a baby who's very clingy at the moment since his FC contact I can get at my wits end trying to deal with the tantrums and crying. But for all of that as Becs said the laughs, the giggles, the smiles, the beautiful hugs the Mummy word (tho sometimes by time DH comes home I am so glad to hear Daddy not Mummy hahaha) it makes it all so worth it. When I'm finding being patient hard I take myself off even if it means they cry and just remind myself of the thousands of tears I cried after every failed IVF and every month when my period arrived. It is hard to take on children who have been in foster care and you don't really get prepared in the courses but it is all so worth it. Fingers crossed your wait is not too long. 

AoC thanks for that and glad to know it can happen. Our little man still being difficult during day. I just can't do anything without him and now our little lady who has been fab has now decided this is how to get attention and has gone back to screaming, pulling my clothes and a few hitting periods which she hasn't done for a good while. It has been a very long couple of days!! It's like they both can't be good at same time so we can have a lovely day lol. I don't hold much hope for today either, little man was up in night for over an hour tho he was only playing. We had to turn monitor off cus his squealing (in play) was so high pitched. We assume he finally went back to sleep but we have heard him on and off since 5.30. Not good for a boy who doesn't normally get up till after 7.30!!! If he's tired it makes him worse. Joy lol. Still we have our local group today so hoping he is not too tired!!! Our little girl did fab again and woke at 5.55 woo hoo. We are creeping towards the 6 hahaha. 

Have a good day everyone xx


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## becs40

Oh Helen, huge hugs to you. Concentrate on dh for the moment but you will get there, some are just meant to face tougher challenges along the way. It just means that when you do finally have your child everything is just so much sweeter because of it. It's so true that to appreciate the sun we must experience the rain. Stay strong and best wishes for tomorrow, hoping for the best possible outcome for you both.


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## Lorella

Big hugs Helen xxx


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## Troodles

Hey all


Thanks for your reply Becs. Glad you're all doing well. I can't believe almost a year has gone by. I remember you getting your LO like it was yesterday!!


I can't begin to catch up so will start again. Hi to all who remember me and all the new friends who've joined since I've been off the radar!!


So it's been 6 months since our little pickles came home. So much has happened and our world, like some of yours, has been flipped all over the place and my house is now full of plastic crap! Also full of joy and laughter a d chatter and screams and tantrums (and the boys are quite noisy too  ). We love it. It has been a shock to the system, it has been challenging and rewarding and stressful, and tiring and emotional and amazing and wonderful. And yes it I have felt lonely and desperate at times, especially the first 6 weeks when we were in 'quarantine'. 


We have 2 Adorable little boys who we love so much it actually hurts!! I can't remember life without them.  People ask how I cope with 2 this age but I don't know what it's like to have 1 so it's normal for me and I just get on with it. 


We met birth mum a couple of months ago which was really hard but I'm glad we did it, we applied for adoption order, BM contested but then didn't bother to attend court, so they're officially ours and we can't give them back lol. Adoption celebration in November. 


We've had a family holiday which was fab, despite the British weather!


We've only been out once on our own since we had them so having a night out this Saturday. 


Have both pickles and DHs birthdays before Xmas so going into panic mode now. 


Officially feel like the worlds worst mummy as started big pickle at nursery and he screamed and sobbed and wanted me. Some might say that's showing a good secure attachment but I felt awful. Another hour settling in visit tomorrow and I'm dreading it


I will endeavour to read back and see what's been happening but congrats to all new mummies and good luck to all mummies to be. It's a long hard process but so bloody worth it!!


Lots of love and hugs to you all and good luck for your DH op Helen. 


X x x x


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## moobags

Hi all just a quick update from me intros have been postponed were due to start Monday but birth mother has said she is appealing the PO so has been given a week to lodge the documents with court.  Devestated doesn't cover how we are feeling we have no way of knowing what is going to happen now so are complete in the dark.  LA are trying to obtain a special order from the court to say that the boys can be placed but not sure if that's possible or how long something like that would take.

Not sure how we recover from this on thing is for sure that if all falls through with these children we will be calling time on adoption.

Moo


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## Helend75

Moo, that sounds horrible, being messed around so close to intros. 
I hope everyone else is well - I finally seem to have 5mins to think as I'm waiting for OH to come out of theatre.

SW contacted us yesterday with dates to meet the sw of the siblings we were tentatively linked with. I had to pass on the diagnosis from the night before & she has so far been wonderfully supportive. Obviously the children's sw is going to look at other links as our situation is currently unclear. She just advised - as everyone else - that we take one step at a time & as soon as OH's health issue is clear then we should meet & discuss. Before surgery the surgeon informed us that the chest X Ray from Wednesday night had appeared clear & of the 3 bloods tested for tumour markers one is a bit high, one isn't yet back & the other was clear. It will now be 2-3 weeks before we meet an oncologist who that point will have all the bits of the jigsaw & will put forward a treatment plan. Im feeling slightly more reassured re: OH & there's no point worrying about adoption just yet.


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## Lorella

Good to hear from you Troodles. 

Oh Moo so aorry this has happened. I don't know what this means as not experienced it but surely she can't change anything at this late stage. Keeping everything crossed got you x

Helen - so hard got you all but glad you are feing reassured x


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## Primmer

Moo - sending hugs your way, when we were linked with little pink her bm kept saying she was going to appeal placement order but nothing happened and then couple weeks before matching panel we were told that she had now appealed and pinks sw wanted us to go to matching panel and then introductions would be delayed until court made decision. We were told delay between bm originally saying she going to appeal and then actually appealing was due to her applying for and waiting to be granted legal aid. For us the link fell through just before matching panel for other reasons and so room decorated but no lo. Really hope you can find out exactly what is happening and that it resolved quickly and you can get start intros.


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## Norma12

Helend75- hope OH is recovering after op. You have been in my thoughts xx


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## Helend75

Thank you. I think the last week has caught up with me & although delighted to have him home (he has a lot more colour & has found the 'removal' easier than I feared - though I appreciate things could change at any given time), I've let everything get on top of me. 
He's the sort who faints at the prospect of a blood test & everything is a song and dance! Getting him to have the few blood tests he needed for IVF was the end of the world for him. I saw in recovery that his blood pressure twice dipped a lot and he ended up staying overnight. Maybe I've done too much reading & have upset myself (typical behaviour I'm afraid...), but I'm worrying about how he'll manage chemo/radiotherapy & more to the point how I'll manage him! I'm no natural Florence Nightingale... There's also the fertility side of it - if adoption does get ruled out, it's not like we could give IVF another go with half the ingredients missing (the dominant testicle has been removed, and the other is v small & now a urologist has seen this I kick myself for not having seen one 3years ago when we first learned of he low sperm count. Urologist even performed a biopsy on the second testicle as he suspects that any abnormality could indicate pre cancerous cells - see previous kicking of self for not having seen a urologist while TTC)
I've suggested we make a call to Macmillan as we've now been passed from Urology to oncology & just feel completely in limbo with no idea of when the next appointment may be. I think actually speaking with someone knowledgeable in this field may help.
I'm down & I'm miserable & I feel selfish for some of my thoughts but I've got to be strong & supportive for OH & yet we've only crossed the first hurdle! I'm also awake at 4.50am and am tired after a stressful & emotional week.

Apologies for offloading, I'm not sure where I belong? I'm an approved adopter who can't adopt (currently) whose IF history just took a further nosedive!!!

A big positive: We've had lots of messages from people offering to go get milk, do I need anything, can we help - I'm hoping this will all be supplementary evidence of our support network in action!

Sorry, it's late/early & all sense of proportion goes out the window when there's been lack of sleep.


----------



## dimplesforever

Helen, it sounds like you are coping amazingly well.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you both. This is definitely one of those occasions when it's ok to feel sorry for yourself.  You don't have anything to feel guilty about. This is a delay to you becoming parents not a bar. Take care


----------



## becs40

Ah Helen all perfectly normal feelings and reactions. We're all entitled to feel angry and selfish about any delays to our dreams no matter how insensitive it may be because of the situation. 
Focus on the short term for now, your family is just delayed a wee bit longer but it will happen when you and oh are through the other side. I know it does just feel like another kick in the teeth and yet again stopping your dream become a reality. It's very hard to not be negative given the situation and the years of background etc. Keep in mind lots of us had setbacks on our journeys through adoption that at the time we felt certain would end them but we kept going and those dreams do become reality.


----------



## ciacox

Hi All -

I'm a regular reader and have a diary and have posted on other threads but I think this is my first post in this conversation.  Myself and my partner are coming to the end of stage 2 so I thought it would be nice to join you all, particularly as I'll need support when it comes to the dreaded wait. Also, I wanted to join the group hug for Helen (and wtop writing all over her diary pages). Glad yr other half is feeling ok. He sounds like mine in terms of how he copes as a patient. Come on here and offload as much as you need to offload. It's so hard when you're struggling with your own feelings of fear and disappointment but have to be strong for someone else xxxxxxxxx

Hugs for moo too. What a nightmare. Hoping that this is just a blip.

My god IF and adoption is hard isn't it? Was out last week with a friend who told me she's going to wait a couple of years before vtrying for kids (by which time she'll be 3 and if it doesn't work it'll be fine bcse she'll just do what we've done.. I told her (in acnice way) that if she was that casual about it (no practical reasons not to go ahead now - just wants another couple of years childfree) then it migh be that she doesn't want children enough to get on the ivf to adoption rollercoaster... If resilience was a muscle you'd be champion body builders helen and moo. Cheering you both on as you lift these Olympic size weights!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Me post... sorry!  Oh what a night.  Every hour since 1.30, waking!!

Seemed easier to settle, but still waking with a scream and a cry.

Any ideas, or just a phase?!  A tired mummy (of a cutie naughty baby xx)


----------



## Ozzycat

Teething FMN....
We had shots,  screams and tears from 5 and watching on the monitor her hands were in her mouth xx
Havery u tried giving him nurofen /calpol at night x


----------



## RocketJ

FMN - I've had the same for the last 4 nights, worst was 2 nights ago when Buzz was waking every 40-60 minutes, right from when he first went down. I'm pretty sure it's his molars coming through, though not visible yet. Made worse by a streaming cold the last 2 days so is off his food also. I found calpol wasn't touching it, so tried ibuprofen and it seemed to help a bit - still waking but could settle himself and no screaming! Unfortunately he hates the ibu so lots of screaming as I pin him down to administer it! Looking forward to this phase being over and getting a decent night's sleep again!


----------



## Lorella

Just thought I would mention, for those of you waiting, they advertised on out local radio for adopters this morning! They said they had the lowest wait times in this part of the country x


----------



## AoC

And where are you, Lorella?  ;-)


----------



## Forgetmenot

I think there is a little teething.  I have been giving him both meds in the night, helps a little, but still waking every hour! Monkey! Xx

We should have a chat room mid night time las lots of us up lol xx


----------



## ritzi

Hi all,
just thought i'd say hi and join in here. 
i'm a second time around adopter - i had my boys in January 2009, lovely lads aged 1 and 3 then...now big boys who keep me busy    my birth daughter was born almost 3 years ago. We are now being assessed to bring home number 4, the boys birth sibling   . Second time around we seem to know what we're doing but it hasn't reduced our frustration in the system, in how slow things are, and in how cock ups occur.....


so i look forward to getting to know you all, and read your journeys, 
ritz


----------



## poppy05

Hi everyone


I've not really posted much here as our journey hasn't even started yet, but its been lovely reading everyones posts.


We have our first open evening on wed, im really excited, dw is very nervous, neither of us really know what to expect, i had planned on making a list of questions, everytime i go to do it my mind shuts down on me! and i know on wed night on our way home i'll be able to think of 101 things i could of asked!   


Any advice/tips will be greatly appreciated.


poppy xx


----------



## PixieMcG

sorry ladies i have been so busy and not had time to post before now.

Welcome to the new ladies.

Moo I'm really sorry to hear your news, you sound as though you are coping tremendously well considering.

Lorella not sure what part of the country you are in but i know there has been a huge billboard erected here in Glasgow but to be honest our process was still 21 months from application to approval.  

Were being presented at a meeting today for the first time, i really don't know what that will bring but this will be the first meeting where our social worker can really talk about us as approved adopters.  Lets keep our fingers crossed that we are received well by other SWs.


----------



## Primmer

Poppy - good luck at the open evening. Our va open evening was fairly informal, they spoke about the process and timescales and we also heard from a couple who had adopted. There was a time for questions after but we found they covered most basic information and then when we decided to proceed we had an initial meeting where we could ask any more questions


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Ok so had the rearranged meeting this morning with SW, the last one for Stage 1 and it was all positive and good. She said she didn't get much out of the relationship counsellors report so was asking questions about our relationship again. She said the visit to the foster/adopted boys parents was all positive and they had said some really good and nice things about us that helped her to make her mind up about us. Well the overall outcome is she said she is going to recommend us for Stage 2, but with one condition and that is we need to have our medicals done again! Just to cover that we have lost weight like we say we have. She is writing her report next Tuesday and then is at the agencies office next Weds to discuss us with them. We should then hear in writing from them about the next steps, including preparation training, so more waiting.....! But can see light at the end of the tunnel at last 

Ali x


----------



## becs40

Ah that's fab news Ali! Well done! Hope stage 2 goes smoothly and swiftly for you!


----------



## Loki Girl

Ali so lovely to read your update. Keep going u will get there  

Moobags any news? Can't believe they are allowed to do that but hope and pray it all goes your way in the end. 

Helen - how are things with your DH? Please don't ever think you are in the wrong place we are all here to help and support you at this very difficult time. Really hope your DH is on the mend and hopefully it won't be long before you are back on track. 

FMN - how's your nights been? Any better? Really hope your little man has settled down and allowed you some extra sleep. 

Hi to those who are new whatever stage you are at. 

Well still having trouble with our little man during the day. He is great at night but does seem really tired at the mo. He is sleeping at night from 7pm till bout 8am but he is sooooooo miserable during the day since his foster carer contact. As long as he is up he is just crying. He won't play no matter how much I set up for him or try and change his toys he just wants me to hold him but then he pulls my hair or my glasses and after awhile I end up putting him down and then the crying starts all over again. I am wondering now if it is teeth but they have always affected him at night never in day and he's doing well at night. We have dosed him up on Calpol today see if that helps. I just don't know what's up with him he just seems so clingy since that visit.  

On the other hand our little lady is like a different child. She has been absolutely golden even through little man wanting so much attention. She has a few blips but she can't be perfect lol. She is now sleeping for an hour and a half at nap time and goes to bed at 7 and has been sleeping in till bout 6-15 - today was 6.35!!!!! Sooooo much better for everyone not having the wake up screaming and crying at 5am everyday. She's waking up happy and calls for mummy and daddy which is lovely. She is waking from her nap the same way whereas before she was just horrible for almost an hour after. 

So all I am asking for is one day just one itty bitty day where both my children could be good at the same time so everyone enjoys a lovely day hahahaha. At the moment I am stressed over little man and the crying everytime I try to do anything it's soooo draining lol. Wish I knew what has caused it all. Whether it was the visit from foster carer, whether it is a phase or teeth. Either way hope it passes before little lady changes again hahaha. 

Anyways hope u all have a good weekend xx


----------



## becs40

Ah Loki, sounds like it's likely a combination of everything with little man. Anbesol liquid is the stuff for teething - we've tried everything lol! 
Did you think anymore about a carrier for him? I've just got my new one and loving it so much despite lo being about 31lbs now! Popped into town with my mum earlier and took the buggy and she said " it's ages since I've seen him in that!" , I hadn't really thought about it but I've just been using the carrier so much more. It works miracles when he's a grump and clingy. I just stick it on and him in it and we just enjoy the cuddles. Really wish I'd used our other one a lot more in the early days as the difference in him regarding close contact is phenomenal since I've been using the new one. Even my mum said how different he is, I really love it.


----------



## AoC

Becs, do you mind my asking how old LO is, and what carrier you recommend?


----------



## becs40

He's almost 16 months but more importantly he's 32lbs! We used to have the ergobaby original which was great when he was younger but he just felt too big in it. I've just bought a Tula in toddler size because he's also very tall (we could have got away with the standard for a quite a bit longer but decided if I was buying it now we'd go for one that will last him a very long time). He's only just big enough for the toddler and I think the standard would have been better for now but he us big enough for it so it's fine. 
I love it, it's so comfy. He now loves me snuggling into his neck and kissing him etc in it and loves the closeness whereas before he would pull away and still does quite a bit if not in the carrier. He's also at that age where things are beginning to worry him like loud noise etc and he definitely is much more settled and happy in the carrier. We did a food festival last week and I was conscious he might have been worried by being down in the crowds all be it parent facing in the buggy so I had him in the carrier and he loved it. 
The Tula is expensive but well worth it. There's quite a few deals around this week as its international babywearing week. I didn't know much about it until I started looking for something bigger than the ergo and it is virtually identical. They hold their value incredibly and will often sell for more secondhand than you pay new (reason being each design is time limited so if someone wants a design no longer available they pay more but also because they "soften" with use so more desireable). There's a few ******** groups for them with lots of advice and tips etc and will link to any deals and competitions etc.


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## Thepinklady

Aoc and anyone interested in baby wearing or carriers I would really reccomend you google to see if you have a local sling library, there are many around the country. They will let you try and rent various types of slings and carriers before you buy. They have trained consultants who will recommend different types based on your individual needs and build etc. I was convinced I wanted something with buckles like an ergo but actually ended up buying a mai tai which is frabric and you self tie. The consultant recommended it for me because I am very petite and found it hard to get buckles tight enough on me. I love it! I can't baby wear at the moment as our LO has gone home to her mummy as we were doing concurrency and I miss it so much. LO also misses it with mummy. I am continuing to work with mummy with respite and I am trying to convince her to give it ago as I think it would help with the attachment forming. I think she isn't confident enough yet to give it ago but know it would help and also allow her to get a bit more done as LO is very clingy at the moment. Loki I agree with becs that it could be useful for you.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki, little man has been terrible for a few weeks (sleep wise), however, last few nights better and Thursday night slept through, waking three times, but self settling.  However, last night, back to normal.  He can do it, but I guess he's still looking for reassurance.  He has the sniffles too, I have no voice, so suffering a little!!

Thanks for the idea pink lady, going to look at that web for a sling.  The one we have is so unsupportive and I can't carry his chunky butt around!!

You also sound like you are doing an amazing and difficult job, massive hugs xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ps where do all you ladies find these great tips.... Am I missing something, lol!!!


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## Helend75

Hi
OH is slowly getting better from the surgery, physically, but touring himself mentally! 
The letter has arrived today from the oncology unit to come in on Wednesday for CT scan, tests, presumably to speak to someone & we've been given the name and contact details of our keyworker. 

Also this morning was a humorous card from our sw saying she'd opted to raise a smile over a get well card & it was signed from her & the adoption team. It was a nice gesture & OH will email to thank. 

Still very much up in the air and I'm stressed to the eyeballs (& back!), but last night I achieved more than 6 hours sleep and it was uninterrupted so finally feeling a bit more human myself too!

Thanks for the kind wishes - I was debating putting myself on relationship support thread. 

I do read all the posts & hope everyone is well x


----------



## ciacox

Hi Helen - good to hear from you. I've been thinking of you. I can't imagine how stressful the wait for news must be. I hope you both have good support around you. Are you working throughout all this? Nice that you got a card from your SW. How are things with the link you had? 

We got our PAR last night and spent some time this morning going through it. Mostly we are happy with it. The main issue really was the poor spelling and grammar. I know it sounds a bit pedantic, but it really bothered us. Although I know it won't be a direct reflection of us, I can't help worrying that people reading it will find it irritating and so be put off. We spent the morning going through and correcting it. Would rather have to face up to being embarrassingly pedantic with our SW than feel uncomfortable about something going out that's not right. I've also asked that a coupe of things about my childhood be toned down a bit. It sounded much more dramatic than it really was and I wasn't too comfortable with that. Social worker coming back tomorrow night (Sunday!) to talk through. All being well we'll go to panel in a month.


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## RocketJ

Ciacox, I had exactly the same thing with my PAR, and both my SW and I played along with the idea that she had sent it through prior to proof reading, so I had just saved her a job. But I know that wasn't the case as there were a couple of bits added after and the spelling and sentence structure were shocking in those bits! I didn't mind doing it, but was a bit shocked that it would have been considered acceptable in its original state - I really liked my SW too, and it surprised me a bit that she would be happy with it like that.

I hope this evening's conversation with your SW has gone well, and that you are all set for panel.


----------



## AoC

Thanks Becs!  Bug came home at 2yo, so I didn't use a carrier then, although I could have done with hindsight.  If our LO this time round is younger and small enough, I'd really like to, as I think it could be excellent for bonding/settling.

Last time I checked there wasn't a sling library in our area, but happily there's one a 40 minute drive away, now.

Good to hear you got some sleep, Helen, and OH is recovering from surgery.  All good wishes to you both.

Our SW was clever enough to accept that no matter how hard she tried, there would always be something grammar/spelling I'd pick up on....I can't help it, I'm a writer and a natural editor!  We agreed she'd send us the draft, and we'd work with is as just that - a draft.  Everyone stayed sane. ;-)


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## becs40

Yes definitely a great idea AOC I'm just annoyed that I didn't use it more in the early days but am making up for it now. 
I haven't been to a sling library (wasn't brave enough to go on my own!) but did loads of research and read reviews etc to narrow it down. I did also discover "it's a sling thing"  they have a really good variety of slings to rent by post so you get to try them out first which I think is a good idea if you can't get to a sling library.

Helen good to hear you're at least getting some sleep now which must help. Hopefully things will become a lot clearer for you soon. 

FMN hope you and little man are feeling better. Not sure it'll help at all but our little man is now sleeping much better and through until 6ish most mornings (did wake at 4 yesterday but was happy playing with his teddies in the cot so we left him and he went back off at 5). I think it's just been a time thing, I know I've felt our relationship deepen and really strengthen in the past couple of months and that seems to be when he started sleeping through at least all be it with 5 am starts. He's now sleeping a little later because we've dropped the afternoon nap. Kind of looking forward to the clocks change as I would like to try and get him down a little later in the morning. At the moment he goes down at 9ish and has about 2 hours. I'd like him to be a bit later in the morning so it's not such a stretch to bedtime. I've tried putting him down later and he doesn't sleep as long so have been sticking with earlier.


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## PixieMcG

good afternoon ladies, its been a few days since i was able to log on, just caught up on the latest updates.

Helen i really hope your hubby is on the mend and I'm thinking of you both.

We were approved 5 weeks ago now and it seems such a long time ago, when i know it really isn't.  Our SW is coming out to speak to us on Monday about what happens now, we were finally presented last week as approved adopters.  I'm not sure what really happens now but our SW mentioned in the email that she would talk us through current children that are on referral that they are family finding for.


----------



## Gemma94

Hi all,

I'm new to the adoption journey, just wanted to say hi. I feel a bit intimated to start my own thread but I do have a million questions to ask. I've just been to an adoption information evening and will be posting out my form shortly...  The big question for me is if my age would be a negative (I'm only 21 but my husband is 40) and if I should wait to buy a house first which could take another 6-12 months. I really don't want to wait, though!

Gemma


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## becs40

Hi Gemma,
There are young adopters out there although not sure how young to be honest. They will focus heavily on your relationship etc to see how stable that is and if you've had to support each other through difficult times etc as they want to see that your relationship has been tested so to speak. Regards the house it doesn't matter if you own or rent but if you are thinking of changing during the process they would probably advise you to wait.
After you've submitted your form a sw will come out and chat with you very briefly covering all the areas of assessment. They'll be able to tell you then if there is anything they're not happy with and would want you to wait. Certainly from my experience with the adopters I've met and been through training with you would be considerably younger than all of them. I'd say the youngest I've come across so far would be early 30's most were typically mid to late 30's and older. As I say though young people to adopt it's just you'd be in the minority if you see what I'm saying.
Good luck.


----------



## ritzi

hi gemma,
we were the youngest people to adopt in our agency - i was 29, hubby 24. we were v unusual in that but by then we had been married 5 years, and together 7 years. we had gone through ivf and supported each other through good times and bad. at our prep we were younger than the others by 10-20 years. it was intimidating, but we didnt want to wait for our family and our sw supported us in that decision. 


people are making the decision now to adopt younger, and so you may find other younger folk in your prep group too. 


i would say with your age gap relationship you have a good reason to go ahead, and so hopefully your sw will see that and support your application. 


good luck.


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## PixieMcG

Hey ladies what's up?


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## Tw1nk82

Hi everyone sorry for lack of personals been really busy loving being mummy and going playgroup and things. I have never had such a busy life and loving it. We have been told that LOs birth mummy has had another baby and her SW wants to come and visit us early jan and if all being well panel late jan. I cant believe it. Im feeling a bit overwhelmed as this is so perfect but really dont know how im feeling about it all xx


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## ♥Saila♥

We are hoping to finish Stage 1 and start stage 2 shortly! 


Feeling very excited and nervous but looking forward to feeling complete.


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Saila, we are in the same position as you as our SW phoned last night to confirm the agency want her to continue with our assessment and Stage 2. We just have to repeat our medicals, so they are sending out the forms asap and then she said we could arrange some dates for her visits. We also have to go on the prep training course. Having had so many knock backs we won't believe it till we get it in writing! But glad we are getting to keep our current SW as we have such a good relationship with her...

Dare to believe that this is really happening   

Ali x


----------



## ♥Saila♥

We have got training next week! We have already done one day. Got some paperwork to drop off tomorrow so she can start contacting the references ! Xx


----------



## Ozzycat

Our amazing gourgous baby girl moved in 10 weeks today and we've put our adoption paperwork in whooooo #feelingblessed 💕 👪 
So anyone just starting out or mid process... it really can happen xxxx


----------



## ♥Saila♥

Awww congratulations! 7 months old <3 how cute


----------



## Tictoc

Hi Ozzycat - did you bring the papers to court yourself or hand over to SW. 

Congrats - hope you get a date soon


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## Ozzycat

We took them ourselves x


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## Forgetmenot

That's great ozzy! Take it things still going well, with little lady?

We filled in our court papers but lo sw off now for a month and a half.... So sat on a desk.... We weren't allowed to submit ourselves  xx


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## Loki Girl

We'll be soon too. We can submit on 20th Oct - woo hoo!! Obviously could of done it much earlier as have had little lady since June but we wanted to do them both together and have 1 celebration day for them so waited till we could apply for little man. Can't believe he has been home almost 10 weeks!!!

Things are actually going well - yay lol. Little man has settled down and is back to being his normal cheeky happy little self unless his teeth are playing up but amazingly at mo they seem to be unsettling him a bit during day and he still sleeps 7pm through to 8am so can't grumble lol. Took him almost a week and half to feel settled after the foster carer visit. Weird!!  He's a big lad and only in a cot so getting him a cot bed this weekend. We were hoping to hold out till little lady was in a proper bed then he could have her cot bed but think he is starting to get wedged as he turns over and thinks this is what wakes him sometimes. Not saying a bigger bed would fix that but he looks so big compared to the cot lol. Sometimes he plays in little lady's cot after bath and he loves it and there seems like loads of room for him so as little lady not ready yet for a big bed decided to bite bullet and get him one this weekend. We can always use cot if no.3 comes next year. 

Well we have social worker and health visitor this morn which will be fun lol. Be interesting to get not so little man weighed and see what he is lol. He is 10mths and I am up to buying him 18mth clothes now cus anything smaller doesn't fit his little belly hahaha. Weird tho he is all top half he is still in 9-12mth trousers!!! Saw a lovely outfit in Sainsburys of shirt, tank top and trousers but he would need the 18mth-2yrs one but then the trousers would be way too long so wouldn't pay price if he can't wear half of it lol. Oh well. 

Anyways Postman Pat almost finished so time to sort breakfast lol. Have a lovely day all you lovely ladies xx


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## becs40

Hi everyone, fab news ozzy on applying it's a great feeling!

Loki our sw commented about our cot being big enough for little man (she never actually saw him in it!) given he still likes to lay across it with his legs either through or up the bars he obviously likes it more snug. In no rush to change as no idea how we would ever keep him in a bed! 
We need to weigh him again as I swear he's a stone heavier the way my arms feel! Last time he was 32lbs but that was a while ago. He's so tall though and can really notice how he's walking. I got him out the car as the neighbours were walking back from school so he trotted off down the road with them as proud as punch! 2 X 3 year olds and 2 X 5 year olds, there was barely a difference between him and 1 of the 3 year olds. It was so sweet to see him with them. 3 of them are girls and they just think he's a cute doll and want to mother him and run round after him.
Sleeping is a lot better (rapidly touches wood!) since he's walking. He now is asleep appx 6.30pm until 6.00am. Down to 1 nap also but little devil still insists on it being at 9.00am. So all my plans about doing more groups when he went to 1 nap as he wouldn't be asleep are out the window. He generally is asleep by 9.15/9.30 and sleeps 2-2.5hrs so I do get a good morning to myself to catch up on things although the house does have to be super quiet or he won't go through the sleep cycle change because he's too nosey!


----------



## mammawish

Hi, still reading the comments here, good to see the progress. We are still going through the assessment, was told by senior managers that we should be at panel around December but social worker says that's unrealistic, so we are hoping no later than March. Have not had a meeting for a while but got two next week... Hanging in there... X


----------



## Norma12

Hi, hope everyone is having a nice weekend  

I'm after some advise please.....
We've  onlybeen approved a month & are just registered on adoption link, early days. We have had one enquiry but we couldn't meet the childs medical needs. We've had a couple from our agency, all over the age range we had stated(0-4). We're happy to look at the profiles as even though they are over the age range  they might be a good match. But they haven't been and also are above the age range.
I feel really bad though saying no just because of age, will this go against us. It should be all about the children and their needs, not just about the age, but we don't want to look back and regret a wrong choice and it is early days. Feeling a bit confused  

Not sure if I am making sense.......


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## Loki Girl

Norma I would say hold out. There are younger children out there and if you have been approved for 0-4 then that's what they should be finding you. If you have looked at the older childrens profiles and feel they are not right for you then don't feel bad. Only you will know what is right for your family so go with your gut instinct!!!

Ok having a small panic about putting in our adoption order. Is it seriously that much money?!!!!!!!! Why didn't anyone tell us until 5 days before we are to apply? And do we have to pay that for both our children? Our SW just sent us a booklet on fees and we are suddenly like um hello where are we finding that from. It's going to be a huge struggle if we have to pay it for each of them right before both their birthdays and Xmas


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## Forgetmenot

Loki.... Our la pay for this.  Don't  know if that's not standard X good luck X

Norma.... Your child is for life and has to be right for your family.... As hard as it is turning children down, you have to do what's right for you.... Normally you know! Xx


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## becs40

Our LA paid too although we had to submit a cheque to the court and the LA automatically reimbursed us.


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## Loki Girl

Thanks ladies. I thought it was strange but why didn't our SW say anything? Have to admit I am a bit intimidated about this form. Our LA have been fab upto this point but for this they just said Google the form, fill it in and take it to the court!!! There is stuff in there that I feel we shouldn't be filling in. They want 2 statements saying what is the case about and why can't the birth parents have these children and then these will be sent to the birth parents!!! I really don't feel I want to list all the issues knowing that these statements will go to the birth parents. Why isn't this done by the SW's? Is this the same form that very one fills in? Did u guys just get it online and fill it in? We are going to have a lot of questions for our SW!!


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## Forgetmenot

Loki go on the gov site and you can do it on line or print.  You do your bit which is simple... There is a little about birth family you can get from CPR and send in. They then get sw to complete their bit.  Or in our case, we did the first bit, handed it back and they will complete the annexe parts of form xx


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## Ozzycat

Loki we have to pay for ours... £170!!
Our SW gave us a "mock" copy which showed us what to write, we didn't have to say anything about the birth parents.
Annoyingly we've had all our forms sent back, our marriage certificate is in Italian and they want it translating but havent said whether they did it done legally or whether I can just Google the words form them... such a faff!!
Good luck x


----------



## Tictoc

Loki - we have to pay for our court fees ourselves also - varies LA to LA. 

The parts about birth family should be submitted by the LA and not yourself - we were told if we submit the for, ourselves the SW's info will follow - they are given 6 weeks to submit after you submit. Obviously if it goes through the SW it all goes together. Hope that makes sense.


----------



## Loki Girl

Well thanks that makes sense. Thought it was weird but why don't they actually say you don't have to do this bit. It doesn't make sense.  Think our SW has been a bit vague over it all. She is our new one and the 1st time we have had to deal with paperwork with her lol. We are thinking of sending her the draft copy we have filled in then ask her about all the bits we are not sure about. She has told us we actually have to take it in ourselves to the court which is a faff in itself as will have to travel into the city which I am not doing with 2 little ones so DH mite have to try and get in after work. I don't know where we are getting £340 from if we have to pay for both children as will have to submit a form for each child. I think it's appalling we weren't told there is this huge amount of money to pay to process the forms. If we had known we could of budgeted before now!!! 

So those of you putting in applications - BE AWARE!!!!


----------



## becs40

I think the most annoying thing is there's no standard practice! We didn't complete the forms at all! Our sw completed it, brought it out for us to sign. We did then have to take it to the court ourself with the cheque. Not sure if you can post the application because all I did with ours was hand post it in the letterbox at the court. Pretty sure this was because I wanted to guarantee its arrival and speed it up. Fortunately for us it was quite nice because it's a 15 minute walk along the river from Fil's house that we were in the process if doing up. So had to go and check on the house anyway so parked there and had a nice stroll along the river and back.


----------



## Loki Girl

Yeah that is the most annoying part. I am surprised cus up to now our LA have reimbursed us everything!! Oh well it's not like we are going to refuse to pay it we will find it from somewhere. 

Becs was going to ask you if you didn't mind if at some point I messaged you about fostering to adopt? We have found out BM has moved back to our LA so it is all in their hands again and think they are quite keen for us to go down the f2a route with new baby if it ends up not being able to stay with BM. Have a load of questions and wondered if I could ask u few things at some point? There would be no rush to answer as know you are busy with your little man lol. Thanks


----------



## Loki Girl

We have Norma. There are learning difficulties on all sides but if you are worried our little girl is 22mths, talks like a 3yr old, knows her colours, shapes and can count past 10. With a lot of nurturing I honestly believe you can really help and we always said if she did have difficulties or if little man presents anything we will do everything to help them so we didn't have any concerns taking on children who's birth parents have difficulties. They are not even sure our birth parents will be able to write the contact letters!!


----------



## ChocolateCake

Hi Loki

We were approved for f2a if you want to ask me any questions you can PM me. We didn't eventually go down that route but were explained what is entailed etc by sw manager. we are filing our adoption order but form not that easy and sw's don't fill out any of it. hoping to get it off today tomorrow.

havnt been following everyones journey lately as busy with a new little lady  who came home in the summer. 

will catch up with reading threads when I get this form off   Wish we had an example copy, would really help know what goes where etc, you would think it would be straight forward


----------



## Gemma94

Hi again all.

Have loved reading through everyones posts, especially seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Good news, we have posted off our first initial request for a home visit form yesterday. It's been exactly 2 weeks since we first went to the adoption evening. Is that a long time? Probably not but it does feel that way, when I know down the line there will be so much waiting that is out of our control.

There was no pre-paid envelope in the information pack, so I am paranoid that the address I was given to use is incorrect and my letter will never arrive! Crazy I know.

We've decided to go ahead without waiting to buy a house; we will use our savings deposit for our little one(s) instead. I'm currently working 12 hours shifts at work to build up our nest egg...

Does anyone know how long between sending off the form and getting a visit will take?


----------



## becs40

Hi Loki,
Of course happy to answer any questions. I've pm'd you. Although ours was not quite the norm it did work in the same way as in the payments, reviews, contact and parental responsibility etc.


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## mammawish

Gemma, depends on where you are living I think. We are in Scotland and everything has been painfully slow. England seems much quicker. It probably took us two months between each step, and we waited 15 months for our assessment to begin. 

Now we have had five meetings with SW and have been told we are still in the early stages. They seem reluctant to set even a loose time scale for when we might go to panel. And now SW is saying that even very nice and competent people sometimes won't be allowed to go to panel. They may be wonderful parents, but not to an adopted child, as they are so very different. 
So, pace yourself for stress 😄 but I am sure your process will be more smooth than ours!


----------



## Norma12

Thanks loki, thats very reassuring. Did they provide you with full details on the parents difficulties so you could make the decision?


----------



## Loki Girl

Yes we did Norma. I was surprised at the amount of info we got on each parent!! U will get full history or as much as they know of birth parents and other siblings etc. Ours go right back to type of schooling, problems at home when they were younger, upbringing etc. U will get all the info u need to be able to make the right decision for you. 

Becs and Chocolate Cake - thank u so much that would be fab. Will message when I get some time lol xx


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, still reading posts just not much going on with me at the mo. I say not much weekly social worker visits and still have 6 more courses to go on. Approval panel still on track for 8th Dec. Starting to become more real now. Hope everyone is well and having a nice weekend x


----------



## Helend75

Hi all. Just to say that we are meeting with our sw on Friday & the CT scan has shown OH's cancer had not spread. As such they're hoping to treat him with surveillance only which would mean that in another month they'll know if his bloods are back to normal or there's any cancer cells lurking (in which case we'll be looking at a 9 week round of chemo). 
For those interested in the finer details I have updated my diary: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=332315.msg6194647;topicseen#new

For those of you it applies to, I wish you a great half term


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## becs40

Oh Helen that is very positive! Fingers crossed for you it continues along this way!


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## Forgetmenot

Great news Helen xx


----------



## ciacox

Helen - that is fab news! I'm glad you are doing something nice and you and DH get some quality time together. Hope all goes well with consultant and sw. What a lot to juggle. Xxx

Seems like there has been a lot of good news on here recently. Congratulations to all of you meeting your little ones or with good links/matches. Sending positive vibes to all of you waiting x

We have approval panel next weds and although I'm sure I'll be nervous when the time comes right now I feel fairly chilled about it. Much more anxious about waiting for a match. I've just had to book in loads of appointments at work stretching right into next summer and obviously I'm hoping it'll be my replacement in there instead of me. Sw came out for a pre panel meeting last week and mentioned that she has been asking about possible matches for us (and that currently there are none). It was nice to think that we are already been considered. But in the next moment we're discussing how to manage the practically inevitable long wait. So difficult to get myself in the space to both be ready for something now and to be ready for waiting.


----------



## Helend75

Another update!
OH's tumour markers were down again yesterday & should have returned to normal in 4 weeks. 
This morning we had our sw round to the house, who said everything she realistically could to reassure us. The oncology unit have already said they'll prepare a risk certificate, so I guess for various reasons, patients must request a statement in respect of their outlook/prognosis. 
Once sw have liaised with the oncologist & their medical adviser has looked through the info then our PAR will be updated. The risk is that children's sw are put off by the cancer - but we expected that & so at least she was honest with us. She also offered us an opportunity to meet with the medical adviser to be able to give the human side rather than just the b&w!
Lastly, and somewhat unexpectedly, our sw has remained in contact with the sw of a sibling group who we were poised to meet with prior to the diagnosis. When she last heard, there was still no link. She planned to get in touch today & update on OH's health & will enquire as to whether a family has been found or whether potentially we could yet be in with a chance.

We're actually feeing very reassured - we had feared a blanket '12 months post treatment' approach!


----------



## Ozzycat

Helen I just wanted to send u big hugs and look forward to reading the post about the day that u meet ur family x
Good luck xxx


----------



## becs40

Oh fabulous Helen! Great that your agency is treating you as individuals too and not just a case study! 
It certainly shows how things can seem so hopeless one minute then the next a complete turnaround. It certainly is proof that life really is a roller coaster. I know it's cliche to say when you've had the rough it makes you appreciate the smooth but it really is so. The amount of people i know who have had children the second they decide to have them and there just isn't the depth of appreciation. Of course they love them etc but it's different when you've had to fight so hard for something it makes you really sit up and take notice of how amazing it is when you finally get it.
That's not to say we don't have normal parenting moments where you'd cheerfully wear earplugs to block out the whinging   but at the end of the day when you sit and look at them it's almost overwhelming to feel just how incredibly lucky you are.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

That's wonderful news Helen really pleased for you.

I've got a silly question re Doctors and Dentists ! Our LO is now home and got SW coming out for first Review next Monday and she mentioned registering her. We have the forms but do we put her birth surname as of course she hasn't got our surname yet !! Also do we contact Health Visitor or will the Doctor inform them ? 

Sorry for my ignorance and thanks in advance for your help !!

Beckyboo x


----------



## Tictoc

Hi beckyboo - you need to register them with birth name until the AO comes through. I assume you have the rest book?

It's not always that smooth though - I attempted to do this 2 months ago and only today was told that the GP decided not to register him as he wasn't permanent!!! I put them right but now we are back to for, filling as they disposed of everything.

The health visitor should be referred from the GP so no need for you to do anything there.


----------



## becs40

I rang our health visitor but it was an answer machine, I left a message but they didn't ring back. Registered with the GP and then chased hv again and they eventually got him registered. 
Same lack of organisation with GP and hv since we've changed his name. GP registered change but didn't get notes transferred across, hv thought he was a new child moved into the area so booked to come and tell us all about their services! Cancelled that one fairly speedily. It will be interesting when they do his next review as his red book is obviously in birth name with original NHS number so won't match the "new" child they'll have come to see.


----------



## ciacox

Helen I'm really pleased to hear this. So glad DH's recovery is going well and pleased for you both that your LA are not going to be unhelpfully rigid. Still keeping my fingers crossed that the sibling group might be the ones for you.

I'm feeling a bit drained by a conversation with my partner earlier which was basically us just throwing our fears at each other. My fears that he will be too cautious and never say yes to a match and we will miss out, his fears that we will make the wrong decision out of impatience. His fears that a sibling group will be too much, my fears that we would not be able to adopt a second and so have an only child. My fear of waiting, waiting, waiting. His fear of a sudden and massive upheaval in our lives. Both of our fears that our different ways of making decisions will make us feel distant from each other. And then sadness too that this is so hard and grief for the birth child that never came along. It was a hard conversation but we both felt we needed to have it. I think the months of assessment have meant that we haven't really talked about this much without our SW in the room. And, however honest we tried to be with her, we needed to talk about some of the raw stuff without her. 

All this before we headed out to work!


----------



## Lorella

Depending on how old your LO is I would wait until you register with dentist. Then you only have to do it the once and saves awkward questions x


----------



## Kelbert

Hi all, sorry to just butt in! 
Is anybody doing or have recently completed the stage one paperwork? 
If so could you please message me if you are willing to help, I am finding module 3 difficult, In particular a day in the life after adoption. How are you supposed to complete this when you have no idea of the age or personality, likes and dislikes of the child?
Thanks in advance xx


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## AoC

Ciacox, hugs for your difficult conversation.  For what it's worth, that sounds like a really necessary and positive conversation to have now - rather than later!    I suspect in real life you'll find a way to meet in the middle and that now you've expressed your fears things will seem better.  Kudos to you both for talking it through.


----------



## Tictoc

Ciacox - your husband sounds a little like mine - first time round it felt a bit like I was dragging him through it because he just couldn't decide if it was the right thing or just another one of my impulsive decisions. A year down the line and he told me he was so grateful to me because without me pushing for decisions we would never have got to the end and found our daughter.

In reality his cautiousness put me into check and made sure I didn't go headlong into anything that wasn't right for all of us - I have been known to just bulldoze through on occasion 😊

It was really hard for me to be patient with him but it's both of you that will be raising this child so it needs to be right for both. Also on going for another - my husband was adamant we were not doing that assessment again but here we are with our second adopted child placed (completely new LA) and looks like we will be going for number 3 also!


----------



## ciacox

Thanks TicToc and AoC - you're both right, I think in the end we'll  balance each other out. Overall I think the fact that I'm too heavy on the accelerator and he's too heavy on the brakes is no bad thing. God knows where I'd be now if he wasn't around to help me stop and think! On the big things, that we want to be parents, that we're committed to adoption, we're on the same page so I'm sure everything else will iron itself out. 

Happy Friday everyone!


----------



## moobags

Hi all just a real quick one while I have a spare minute.

Our boys are finally home it all happened quite quickly intros were confirmed three days before they were taking place so haven't had a minute plus two little terrors are keeping me on my toes.

I am tired stressed had many moments of doubt but today has been a little better.

Will try and catch up more once or if I ever get the chance.

Moo X


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## becs40

Ah moobags congratulations! Intros are so tough anyway let alone short notice so I'm sure you're doing brilliantly. We all have ups and downs especially in the early days. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying many of the feelings I had early days I would not have shared until more recently when I feel more settled and can look back.


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## ciacox

Congratulations  Moobags! Wow - I imagine you're a little in shock with how fast things have happened after ages of uncertainty. Best wishes to your wee family! Xxx


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## mammawish

Hi everyone, next week we are due to do our supervised session where we spend an hour with children and our SW monitors. What did you do? Anything specific they are looking for? Thanks!!


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## Ozzycat

Congratulations moo bags great news xx


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## Tictoc

Hi mamma wish - just wanted to say I had seen your post but not sure what a supervised visit is - is this for childcare experience?


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## m222soo

Mama wish when we did ours we had our nieces and nephew who were 7,4 &3 , we did playtime (sticking and glueing) dinners time and calmer time after dinner, they just observe your interaction and how you adjust to the individual personalities/ needs, was quite normal for us as they are with us a lot anyway and actually forgot that the sw were there, not sure if it is just a scottish thing that they do supervised visits


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## RocketJ

It's not just a Scottish things, not sure if all agencies do it though. I went to my God daughter's home and my SW observed us interact. Her mum was there the whole time, along with her baby brother, but my SW was mostly just checking that I had some idea of how to interact appropriately with a child. She did her interview with the mum, who did one of my references, at the same time while I kept the kids busy.

Moobags - just wanted to say how pleased I was to read that post from you. Congratulations on having your boys home! I'm sure things have been (and will continue to be!) difficult with the two of them (I can't even begin to imagine it, thinking back to the first few weeks with just one!) but you've had the strength to get this far, so you will get through it. A friend asked me the best thing about being a mum the other day, and I struggled to pin point one particular thing, until an hour later when Buzz woke screaming, yet when I picked him up he just snuggled straight into me, and dropped back into a deep sleep. It's all worth it for those moments when they come xx


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## ciacox

Can't wait for a moment like that RocketJ. Approval panel tmrw... We decided not to tell anyone the date to take the pressure off a bit but now I'm wishing I had. Ah well, hopefully I'll finally have the chance to share some good news tomorrow. X


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## becs40

Good luck ciacox you'll be fine! Hope you have some celebrations planned?


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## Norma12

Good luck ciacox xx


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## Ozzycat

Good luck 😙


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## pyjamas

We are hopeful that Adoption Order will be granted at hearing on 9th November. Birth parents did not attend or have any rep at first hearing. Fingers crossed and then our little girl will really be ours forever xx


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## Tictoc

Good luck tomorrow Ciacox


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## Forgetmenot

Amazing PJ!

We are still waiting for our report to be written 

Won't be happening for Xmas this year, but at least we have little man xx


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## Loki Girl

Haha at least it's out of your hands FMN we are now 3 weeks after we could of put forms in but because we had to go back and forth with our dippy SW bout filling it in then realised after we had found little ladies placement order that they had only photocopied one side of little man's so we got that and DH still hasn't had the chance to take it in. It's such a faff as the court is only open mon to fri till 4pm so means DH has to finish early in order to get there as I won't take the kids into a busy city on my own lol. I told him they still won't be officially adopted by the time the new baby will be ready lol. Congrats tho Pjamas

Having a bit of hard time keeping up as my 2 keep me busy but do read and good luck to those with panels coming up. You will be fine!!! 

Becs haven't had chance to message back but thanks for the info def helped with a few things I hadn't thought bout. Separate nappy bag fab idea - thanks!!!

Had bit of annoyance with DH this morn. Little man teething again so was awake at 3.15 but managed to settle him back in bed by 3.40 with Calpol and a bit of milk. However he decided to chat to himself and make noises and didn't go back to sleep till 4.30. I was awake this time as listening to him (think it's a mothers thing lol) and didn't really go back to sleep as I generally can't when been woken like that. Anyways I was bit tired this morn and DH was really supportive by saying well you should learn to go back to sleep!!!! I was like easy for you who can fall asleep at a drop of a hat!! As soon as I had got little man up DH was back asleep. Men


----------



## becs40

Ha yes Loki I get the same response here! How can men a) not hear them in the first place and b) go back to sleep the second their head hits the pillow if they do get woken up by you kicking them telling them the baby is awake!   read a definition of the term "mum sleep" the other day - your eyes are closed but your ears are open! 

Glad you liked the separate change bag idea although I can't take credit for it as was FC already doing it but I liked it. Made things easier for one but also kept "our" stuff private and special if that makes sense.
We're in a wonder weeks leap currently which is basically little man asserting himself! The latest now being refusing to Kay down to change nappy in the morning. So we just have to listen to full on screaming now- the joy! Screaming or screeching is also a new one as it seems he's discovering his voice. Other than that though he's a delight and really good fun now. He's generally sleeping 6.30-6.30 now although does wake about 5ish, has a chat to teddies and goes back off.
I keep saying "clever boy" when he's done something new etc so he's taken to applauding himself when I say it which is funny. We had a lovely crash into the corner of the coffee table head first of course which resulted in a 3" cut shaped graze to it just before the adoption Halloween party. Nothing like going into a room full of social workers with an injury like that! Was hoping he'd keep his dragon costume hood on to hide it but he didn't.


----------



## ciacox

We are approved! Panel was very friendly and straightforward and didn't ask any especially difficult questions. So good to reach this milestone. Lots of uncertainty still to come but trying to celebrate the moment. Went out for a glass of bubbles in a posh hotel and now on the sofa in my pjs thinking about takeaway options. Talking of sofas, straight after panel we walked out of the building to a shopping arcade, walked past a shop selling sofas, walked in and bought one. How's that for a couple that can make decisions together?! (Or perhaps two people in a slightly giddy fit of impulsiveness - will decide that when it's delivered.).

Loki and Becs - sounds like I need to make the most of sleep while I can. xx


----------



## Kelbert

Congratulations ciacox. Xxx


----------



## becs40

Congrats ciacox told you it would be fine! Hope your wait is short and yes treasure your sleep now lol!
Not sure a new sofa was a great idea though, sticky fingers, leaking nappies, vomit etc just hope its scotch guarded lol!


----------



## ciacox

Good point! Was second hand and not expensive so it'll cope!


----------



## Sweetnats

Hi ladies. Been on the thread for some time reading all your invaluable information and experiences / emotions.

We were approved in August and next week are due to see our first profile.  Can you think of any questions we should be thinking of? I know it will depended on the information we are given. But any that you thought of after as I usually do
Thanks all 
Nats


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies, end is in site for us as going to approval panel early next month. Had a bit of a cry in front of sw this morning as its becoming so real now and we have been told we won't be waiting long on the f2a scheme here. Whole range of emotions going through me over the past 2 weeks.

Nat - I would ask about child's history, medical history birth family and child, what the child is like and is there any concerns with the child and if so are there any plans to help address them. Good luck x


----------



## AoC

Oh Nats, I'm a detail demon, so I'll try and keep these to a minimum.... ggg

When did the SW last see the child?
How often do they see the child?
When was the information in the profile/CPR written? When is it due to be updated?
Birth weight? Labour details? Medical care at birth needed?
How long was baby in hospital before going home/into care? Was that because of medical needs or waiting for a foster placement?
Have sibling assessments been carried out? [if siblings are in the picture and they're talking about placing together] Is there any suggestion that one child might be a trauma trigger for the other?
What's their routine like? Are they settled? How many other children at that foster carer's? Are they showing signs of healthy attachments?
Is a Placement Order in place? If not, do they have a court date for one?
Have detailed assessments been done of birth friends and family? Why were they not able to meet the child's needs?
How many moves has the child experienced? Has there been any respite foster care? Why?

I think these should probably be called the 'Alan Sugar' questions  and obviously you don't fire them all off like that, but that is information you certainly need when looking at the detailed CPR. They are questions I would ask my SW, but not necessarily the child's social worker. At least, not phrased that directly. Then there's a whole raft of 'getting to know you' questions about the child, their temperament, what they like, what scares them, how the carer soothes, how the carer defines boundaries etc

I find looking at profiles is an exercise in reading between the lines.  They vary so widely - I read one recently that basically just said, "Hi, I'm xxx, will you be my parent?" which, frankly, I thought was the most shockingly unprofessional approach. That one didn't even have a birth date. Another listed a frighteningly low birth weight, which would be an indicator of something seriously wrong in a full-term child. On investigation, we found out they had been very prem, which hadn't even been mentioned.

I often find that profiles only talk about the child, not why they are in care. Whereas the detailed CPRs seem to be 90% about the family and the reasons care is needed, with very little about the child as an individual.

Hope that helps.  Good luck!


----------



## Sweetnats

Wow thanks ladies that is amazing!!!! I be printed them off and am going to type them as a lost of questions for when she comes. She will be so impressed thinking I have come up with these myself haha... Just so new to us looking at profiles


----------



## Forgetmenot

Oh Loki! Hope dh gets them in.  Those things are such a hassle.  One thing I love about being off is I can get to places like the bank I could never do until half term!!

Well yesterday was our panel date a year ago, oh has our life changed beyond measure.  Never did I think I would feel so contented with my lot in life as I do now.  I know things aren't perfect (what is!), but my goodness I would not be without this little boy, he is the light of my life.  He was so lovely and carasmatic yesterday, I just look at him in wonder, and no little boy would be right now!!

The cliches are all true waiters.... and boy this thread knows my pain in waiting and near misses.  But dreams really do come true, even to people like me xx

Just wanted to share from an over emotional mummy!!

Congrats cioax hope it's a speedy wait X

Sweetnats hope this profile is the one X


----------



## becs40

Haha FMN must be something to do with the moon or something because I've been the same the last few days. I find myself just gazing at him totally adoringly and soaking in his joy. He often spots me and gives me a look right back into my eyes with an expression of "what?" . He's just so adorable I could just squish him 24/7! Only a few weeks until he's been home a year and it's flown by and so much gas changed. I think back to my feelings in those early weeks and it was overwhelming. The expectation that you should instantly love this little stranger just because he was little and I didn't. I questioned if there was something wrong with me because my mum and extended family "loved" him and my mum was shocked when I said I didn't. 
I think it's the culmination of the stresses and emotions building up to him coming, the speed at which things finally moved (told mon lunchtime and he was living with us Friday am!), the chaos of Christmas, trying to be the perfect mummy, all of us being ill and just being generally exhausted. None of those things help. 
After a couple of months when we were really into our routine my feelings grew so much deeper and then once AO was granted it was like the "permission" to accept this is real, it's forever and it's finally happening to me and nothing can change that now. From that point on I felt differently, I no longer had the constant reminder of sw visits, letters etc coming addressed to birth name he was ours. We were a family now left to get on with it.
The love for him now is incredible, I just feel like I could burst its so much.


----------



## Ozzycat

Ah Becs, FMN I read ur posts and could have written them myself... My little lady has developed such a confident cheeky personality in the last few weeks and I find myself just staring at her in awe...
She copies things I do and last week she picked up a biscuit and tried to dunk it in grandma's tea when she watched me do it... I find her fascinating and everyday I thank my lucky stars that this beautiful amazing little girl is my daughter.
After 5yrs of heartache I'm now at piece with our loses and understand it all lead us to our daughter... 
It's not always easy and there are days I won't to run away and hide but then she smiles at me and my heart melts and im reminded again how lucky I am 😍😍😍
And for the first time in a long time I can't wait for Xmas
😆🎄🎁❄⛄


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ah  becs I know how you feel X I am waiting for that ao.... I just know it will give me the permission I need to shout him from the roof tops!! We still haven't told all our friends yet!  Crazy I know but just keep thinking the more people we tell the more we will jinx it in my head!!

I know he's going no where deep don't but still that element off doubt!!  Dh and I always say after he's down for his nap, how beautiful is he, how lucky are we, he's such a lovely boy!! Too funny really. We are still totally blown away.

He's been a grizzle grump today... Hard work.  More teeth but walking to the shops this afternoon in the rain in my wellie, aged dog tripping in front of his wheelie i know I am where I am meant to be!!

Ozzy so lovely to hear your stories, they are so so precious and funny how quick they take on our mannerisms X. I love what you have said about Xmas.... Us too beyond all excitement!!!

Still feeling an emotional blub!!

Phone our health visitor today too... Have a few know it all people who made me doubt what I am doing all over milk lol but am right!!

Anyway last gush of excitement.  Baby boy got invited to his first party today.... I couldn't have been more prod, so silly!!! Phoned his nannas to tell them  xxx


----------



## becs40

We've had a fab day today. Little man had a 3 hour nap this am. (I was treated to 3 hours cleaning paid for by dh yesterday so the house was spotless) so all I could do was sit and relax once the washing was on. He woke up for lunch and then we made gingerbread - or rather I made gingerbread and attempted to get him to help cut them out but he just wanted to eat the dough. He was very chuffed with his gingerbread car though and tucked into it happily once it was baked! 
Then dh got back from work and they went up to do bath time while I tidied toys away and got his bottle ready and I could hear little man running up and down the landing shrieking with delight. After his bath he was running round with his hooded towel on like a cape. They're just so scrummy at this age, it's impossible to feel miserable around him.


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## Loki Girl

Awww love these stories. I can echo that I am truely now enjoying being an exhausted Mummy hahaha. 2 weeks ago we had proper photos taken of them just in a pixie place in Mothercare. We went to pick them up yesterday and OMG I could of stood there and cried that these beautiful children looking back at me from these photos are actually (nearly) officially ours. They had done us proud, little man just laughed through the whole thing, little lady took a little persuading to begin with but the photographer was lovely with her and they are beautiful. We spent a fortune and bought them all even tho next year we will have to get them done again with no.3 if all that goes to plan lol. We then took them into the city and took their adoption application papers in which I am still really peeved bout but will explain in minute. But then took them to the Sealife Centre. We had taken little lady as a treat the day before little man came home but she was so upset about the introductions that had happened with him and was clearly not managing that it wasn't an enjoyable experience. What a difference it was yesterday. She was engaged, she loved looking at the fish, she was interested in what we were telling her, she played with little man it was just a magical afternoon. Of course we paid the price afterwards when she hadn't slept, we went out to dinner and she fell asleep in the car then screamed the restaurant down cus she's not very good at being woken up lol. Once food arrived she was fine lol. DH and I were exhausted once they were in bed but it was such a lovely day it's all worth it. Little lady has been with us nearly 5mths and I would say 3 of those have been difficult and challenging and there have been such low points when I really felt I was failing her but now all I see is a happy, bright, loving little girl with a mix of totally normal 2yr old tantrums thrown in. This I can manage calmly as they don't happen very often now and we cans talk her through them. Sometimes they were happening every minute of everyday and just felt she just cried and screamed the whole day over everything!!! The difference in her is just unbelievable. 

So still really annoyed at our SW bout these forms. DH took a half day from work as on website it said courts close at 4pm. We got there at 3pm to be told Family court closes at 2pm!!!! Didn't say that on website!!! We were able to phone them and explained and they said we could drop it in the box and send them payment. Then they said we needed original marriage certificate which it didn't ask for on form and the kids original birth certificates!!!! We had put copies in because I am sure we only have copies. So now another email back to stupid SW who has been no help on this whatsoever and I feel like really complaining!!! Our LA upto now has been fab. Everything has gone smoothly and we have been supported every step of the way but with this they have been useless. Can't help but blame our new SW who is lovely but the first time we have had to do paperwork and important stuff she has been useless. We have actually been getting more help from the kids SW who doesn't do this stuff than ours. Oh well am just waiting now for something to come back that is wrong with the form. We did the stupid statement and just said refer to placement order, this is why they are in care. I am not writing a statement outlining why they are in care especially as this will go to birth parents!!!!! It's stupid. Anyways at least most of it is in and just need to sort out the other stuff. 

We finally have our little guys 2nd review on Nov 12th. Of course would love to say then we will hardly be getting SW visits but will then start getting assessed to take on no.3. Just pray our SW is better at this part!!! I feel a little guilty that I am getting excited about knowing the birth mother is pregnant and we will potentially get a new born baby. It's like counting down being pregnant myself which I feel awful about it. We asked if she would find out the sex and they said yes because we would need to know so we can plan with our 2. She should of known already but apparently she hasn't been to her last 2 appointments but she has been told she has to go to the one which I think was beginning Nov. I thought considering she wants to keep the baby and she has changed yet she is missing important hospital appointments, she's not helping herself really. But then I got all excited thinking bout what the sex will be. We may find out at the review. The kids life story books are going wrong too. Little lady was supposed to have hers completed by her 2nd review but the woman had gone off sick and it had got passed to someone else to do, then it was supposed to be ready for little mans first review but something else had happened think the woman had come back off sick but then it had hardly been done. Now been told they will get in trouble from the review officer as both of them won't be ready by little mans 2nd review. Oh well guess they will get there eventually lol. 

Wow ok epic post you can tell little lady is having breakfast and little man still asleep at 8.45am hahaha. Sorry for rabbiting on and hope you all enjoy your weekend!!!

Oh Nats just wanted to say exciting times. We never got told a profile was coming they just turned up with one. The children's profile is very basic and if nothing is flagged there then if you express an interest you will be able to read the whole CPR. Be ready for that because we found all the information a little overwhelming. Knowing everything about these parents and why the child is going into care can be hard. All those questions are fab so try and keep a clear head and enjoy seeing your potential child/children!!!!


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## Loki Girl

Grrrr so after getting in touch with our SW again apparently we do need the original birth certificates which she doesn't think we have so is now chasing the kids SW to get them for us. She apologised as said she didn't realise we needed the originals. Well considering we had been told by our previous SW or on the training courses that original birth certificates had to be handed in in order to get new ones how come she doesn't know this? And she's going to look at how we get reimbursed the fee cus she doesn't know that either   I'm beginning to wonder if she actually knows anything!!!

So more waiting around. All I can say is it's a good job we are at the end of the process not the beginning or we wouldn't have a lot of faith


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## Loki Girl

So had our little boys 2nd review today and the review officer nearly had a heart attack when we said we were hopefully taking on no.3. She was like oh wow have you thought this through, do u know what it means, it's going to be really difficult cus you have 2 that haven't even been adopted yet. She honestly made us feel like we hadn't discussed it and yet we have discussed everything through and feel we can manage just 1 more. She said we need to be careful not to ruin what we have?!!!!!! I thought that was a bit out of order that's upto us to decide what we feel is best and whether social workers and panel agree with it. My DH spelt it out how much we had considered the impact especially on our 2 little ones but felt we could do it. Luckily our SW is totally on our side and gave a few points as to why it would be best for baby!!! Didn't really appreciate her comments tho!! She said your lives will change drastically and we said um it was more drastic to go from being childless to parenting 2 under 2 in space of 2mths. Surely that is more of a shock than adding 1 more!! I know it will be hard but feel we can reap the benefits later if we get it right. 

We did have a bit of a shock when turns out they think baby is due 1st Jan not mid Jan as we had thought!! Because birth mom refuses to go to any scans or appointments that involve saying how far along she is they actually think she could be further than she is letting on and she is covering up. When our SW asked why she is not going to the scans she said what's the point you are going to take the baby anyways. They are not sure she won't contest the adoption application we have just lodged for our 2 now as well but they think it's more to do with her being under the influence of our little girls birth father!!! Birth mom thinks it's this 3rd guys not our daughters birth father but then he thought he was our little man's father whereas with dates it wasn't possible cus he was still at the residential unit with our little girl while mom left. They don't know where this 3rd guy is and any numbers SW have they just hang up. How can they assess if any family members could take baby if he refuses to contact them? That's our only worry that they will find a family member to take baby.  

I am now thinking with baby possibly due in next few weeks and our next appointment with social worker at end of Nov surely we will not be assessed to foster to adopt on time to bring baby from hospital? So we are still none the wiser to how things will go. 

Guess just wait and see but in mean time panic over getting everything ready for 1st and 2nd birthdays and then start to plan Christmas lol. Busy times ahead!!


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## ritzi

loki - a word of caution - i can hear you are excited. i understand. 
if there is misunderstanding about who the father is - baby may be born and birth mother could say x is the father - he has the legal right to be tested and he or any member of his family assessed to keep the baby. if it is a different father to the other children you have it may not be the done deal you expect it to be. 
i tell you this because we expected our boys sibling a few years back - once born tests showed a different father who exercised his legal right to be assessed - with support the baby was placed with him. we were heartbroken mostly because we were led to assume the baby would just be ours....we didn't even consider that another birth father could possibly parent a child. but 6 years on the sibling is doing well and with his birth father where he belongs. 
didn't stop us being sad at that time. 


once baby is born if BM contacts him to say baby is born he may rally his female relatives.....yes he's not contactable now - our BF wasn't interested, i dont think he believed it was his. once the baby came and the tests showed he was the father he immediately said i'll co-operate, assess me etc. 


i'm telling you this only so you can protect yourself against the pain of what we went through. check and double check the legalities - if baby comes to you on foster to adopt you could be in the awful situation of handing baby over to birth father or a relative once identified and assessed as legally required. 
ritz


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## Loki Girl

Ritzi thanks and yes you are right. It is our main worry especially not for us but with our 2 present little ones. With what little info we have at mo he would have to do something drastic in order to change his life to have this baby. He doesn't have a fixed abode and has a lot of unsavoury convictions which would not allow him to parent. But like u say it's the possible family members that cause us the most concern. I think it is not looking possible that we will have it from new born as really can't see us being fully assessed in prob 1 or possibly 2 meetings before Xmas then the baby could be here. I think it will go into foster care and then maybe we will have more info in order to make a def decision. 

I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that and it is our biggest fear. It must of been awful for you tho a relief to know the little boy is doing well with his dad xx


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## Forgetmenot

Wow Loki...... Your bus sure is coming along!!

I know you will make an informed decisions that's rot for your little family xx


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## Sweetnats

Hi ladies

Meeting with social worker went well she bought the child's cprand some videos of her. She is a real sweetie and nothing in the cpr fazed us. The only thing was I guess I would have liked a little younger.. Not being a mum before I would have liked to have chose a Pram etc and had those years (lo is 18 mths) but when I look at the positives. That's the only one negative. And I'm not sure it's enough.  So we have a meeting with the lo sw next week to see how she feels  
Such a massive decision to make ....


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## Sweetnats

It's like I have waited all my life for this...... And then you go through the adoption process and it's all you think about... Then the sw doesn't speak to you for nearly3 months and you get on with things., then your talking about bringing a real little girl home.... Then it hits you how big this is..... Exciting yet scary times ahead


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## Tictoc

Ah congrats sweet nats. It is a big thing to get past not having that early time with your child but I honestly think you have that whether they are 6 months or 18 months. There will be days that it hits you they had a life before you and it does hurt but it also doesn't stop you loving them. I think the older they are the longer it takes for you to really love them like they are yours but that might just be me.


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## Loki Girl

Aww sweetnats how exciting. I am biased cus our little girl was 18mths when we bought her home too. Trust me they are still very young and there will be lots of things she will need. I loved actually decorating a little girls room rather than a baby's and although I was same even tho knew her little brother was possibly coming too tho he didn't have his placement order at the time I still felt twinge of envy when I saw people with newborns. But once our little girl was home it was a different story. Yes it takes awhile to bond and even more difficult for us because our little girl started having a lot of tantrums and showing challenging behaviour and I couldn't discern what was normal for her age and what was her settling but although it took longer for her to settle because of little brother coming home the difference in her now is lovely to se how far she has come. She didn't walk till a couple of months ago so when we had her she was still baby like as had to do a lot of carrying lol, she is very advanced with speech and is very tall so seems a lot older than she is. I would say it was a huge shock having a toddler rather then a baby but think that mite of been suddenly having this little person with you and not a baby. Our little man just fitted right in. It took awhile for me to feel I loved this child which I think is normal I was just so busy dealing with tantrums all day at one point I honestly felt all she did was cry that there really wasn't a lot of time to think about bonding. I was a nanny for 24yrs and I honestly felt that's what I was rather rather than a mummy. However now 5mths in is a different story. I actually really felt it yesterday. Little man had had a day with temperature and unwell and we thought it was teeth related but then little lady came down with it yesterday. I have to say I nearly was crying because I felt so sorry for her and I couldn't make it all go away. She just sat with me all day and cuddled whereas normally she's a busy little bee. We had just got her ready early for bed and she threw up everywhere it was horrible. I just laid with her thinking how much I loved her and now she was my little girl and I would do anything to make her feel better. You may not have any of these issues but if she had been in foster care for a while then she should have some consistency. It is actually a really nice age and you will still see a lot of firsts!!!


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## ritzi

sweetnats - our little one was 18 months and we had lots of firsts - we got to choose a buggy and a cot    we had first words, first haircut. he was very babylike, still in nappies, napping, very much needed me and lots of cuddles. 18 months is an adorable age - and the plus side of sleeping through the night usually! 


we also had a 3.5 year old. when we look back now we forget we didn't have 2 tinies - it does just fly, they are now my big boys. having 2 toddlers was amazing and i'm so glad we did it - no regrets at all!


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## Sweetnats

Awww thanks ladies. As always som great insights. She is a sweetie and doesn't have any issues at all. Just such a big thing if that makes sense. We all are aiming for this point and all I have ever wanted to be is a mum, now it's nearly here guess it's just so scary.  We have a meeting with the lo social worker this week so hopefully that will go well and we can move forward


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## Ozzycat

My beautiful baby girl is 1 today 😍😍😍
I have never felt so blessed in all my life!
She is such an incredible, inquisitive,  happy little lady who brings so much joy to everyone around her x
Had the best morning at the farm with 3 of my best friends with bubbas the same age and just feel so lucky x


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## Loki Girl

Aww Happy Birthday Miss Ozzycat. Only 2 weeks till my little man is 1 and 5 days after that little lady 2. Planning just joint family birthday cus we don't know anyone with little ones lol. It's a shame but there will be plenty of time to organise parties with friends later on and drive myself crazy lol. Glad she is having a lovely day xx


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## Tw1nk82

Aw thats brilliant ozzycat. Whishing her a very happy birthday xx

Loki who would have thought this time last year that you would be celebrating two birthdays xx


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## becs40

Aw happy birthday mini ozzy! 

Little man is really going through it at the mo, has yucky cold, 4 molars coming through and now nappy rash bless his heart. This afternoon has been nappy free chaos! He picked the precise moment I went for a wee to have one himself so as I was rushing back to make sure he didn't stand in it - he stood in it, slipped over and ended up lying in the whole thing most upset! So then mummy got covered too rescuing him! Next one he decided to pee in a container this time, sadly it was a basket of books! And now emptied one of the kitchen drawers and just peed all over the sieve, colander and juicer! Thank god bedtime is 6.30!


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## Loki Girl

Haha Becs. Sounds like u've had a right afternoon!!! My 2 were great and slept for 2hrs this afternoon - bliss. Of course they have been winding each other up since they got up lol. 

Thanks Tw1nk. It's so surreal. To think all those years it was just another Xmas on our own, another Xmas on our own, when will we ever have children to share and enjoy it with and now finally in 2015 we will. So here I am trying to think of everything for birthdays then can concentrate on Xmas lol. Got our local adoption Xmas party a week on Sat so that will be fun. The summer party was good so sure this one will be too.


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## pyjamas

We have received an invite to our LA Christmas do. We are going to go but if its anything like the summer picnic we wont be staying long! Its not promising. For  a start its in November. Secondly they have said that unfortunately Father Christmas wont be able to be there. Honestly surely someone could have stood in! Had second court hearing for AO when we thought it would be granted. Apparently judge wanted to do it as no appeal has come from BP but an administrative error meant that he had received a form with a wrong box ticked so he couldnt. Nothing ever seems to go by without a problem!


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## becs40

Oh pyjamas that's rubbish. Hopefully all will go well 3rd time, nearly there! 
Terrible about Xmas party too! Ours is beginning of Dec, FC will be appearing and giving out a present that you buy and give to him. Also a bring and share buffet so imagine there will probably be hundreds of sausage rolls and not a lot else lol!


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## Loki Girl

Pyjamas so sorry to hear that. You will get there!!! Yeah our party is end Nov but think FC will be there can't remember. I know there is a Christmas jumper option for the kids and a prize for the best one. They provide food which is nice but like you say Becs if it's like what was provided at our summer wey hay day as they call it it will be a lot of cake!!!! It's from 3-5pm so they can have good lunch and tea lol.


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## alig1972

Hi 

Looks like we are 'finally' moving on to Stage 2!! Next meeting with SW booked for 30th Nov to discuss what happens during the next stage...

Feeling positive at last, 

Ali


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## becs40

So pleased for you Ali that's fantastic news!


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## ultrafirebug

Fab news Ali. Hi to everyone else x


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## ciacox

That's great Ali. We had a long gap between stage 1 and 2 and I found it excruciating.

Hope everyone's doing ok. I dreamt last night about the little one sw told us about. M and I both feel that one way or another he won't be coming our way but he's still on my mind a bit. Just makes things that bit more real when you start to hear about children who are waiting. Overall though I'm enjoying the break from assessment and since we are only two weeks post approval I am not impatient yet which makes a nice change!


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## pyjamas

Starting to feel excited about LOs first Christmas with us, although she will be too young for it to really mean anything, for us it will make up for all the other Christmases that we were alone. Try to keep up with news as much as possible on here but time really is precious! I hope all waiting do not have to wait as long as we did, 19 months post approval, for their special Christmases  xxxx


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## Sweetnats

Hi all. It's so lovely to be reading all your posts about your planned Christmases.  

We had our meeting with our soon to be lo's fc today and she is sooooo lovely. She bought photos and videos of her and she is absolutely adorable. She is such a lovely happy little girl. Never cries and always smiling. We have medical team next week just for a chat, although she has no problems we just want to make sure we have all the information (not that we don't trust LA). Then following week we have planning meeting. Panel is the 6th Jan and then intros are first week in Feb (perfect timing for my birthday on 21st!!) 

Our fc has sent us loads of pics on what's ap and we can't stop looking at them.... It is so so strange. We kind of feel in a daze!!!


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## Loki Girl

Aww Swetnats. That's lovely. It is such a surreal thing isn't it - trying to imagine that little person in the photos will be your daughter!! We was the same. We only had one old pic of her for ages so it was lovely when we finally had the planning meeting and the foster carer bought new photos of her. This was only a week before intros tho so it's nice you have them so far in advance. By the time you get Christmas out of the way your panel day will be here and then it will be countdown till you meet your daughter. Such exciting times. Enjoy getting everything ready!!!


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## ciacox

Found out tonight that we are one of two couples shortlisted for a little boy. His SW will visit on Weds if we want to go ahead. Emotional night looking at his pics and reading CPR. I'm feeling confused. He ticks so many boxes so my head says go for it. He's fantastic but my heart is not drawn. Any views on how important this is? I guess I always thought that when we find our LO I will feel excited or connected. I can't help wondering if I would feel more drawn if he were a girl. Which seems so silly and superficial. Very hard to think straight at the moment. I think my partner would allow himself to be excited if I was but right now I'm not feeling it. Perhaps it's just shock that something has happened so quickly.


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## becs40

I think it's different for everyone ciacox. We first "heard" about our lo by a very short paragraph in a book at an activity day. All it said was a 6 week old boy, no health concerns would consider foster to adopt" , it was another couple of months before we saw CPR but had seen a few pics before this. There was no definite yes he's our son more, there's nothing here to say no to, he's perfect on paper. He moved in when he was 6 months old and even then he was a cute baby but no real moment. It's been a gradual process for me, I'm sure a lot going on subconsciously about bad luck and things not lasting etc. I'm certain the real moment things shifted was when the adoption order was granted, suddenly he had our name, we were a family, we had no more sw visits, we were normal. He's now 17 months and is pure joy even though the little rascal is back to keeping me up sitting with him from 3-5am every night! I love him so much it makes me cry when I stop and think. He is absolutely our son and we couldn't have wished for anything more.


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## Loki Girl

Ciacox just wondering if you are feeling a bit reserved because it is between 2 couples? There must be that element of what if they pick the other couple. If you had your heart set on this little boy then I can imagine it would be very upsetting and I know it has happened to people on this board. Maybe if you express an interest and they choose you you will start to think maybe he is the one for you? How old is he? Trust me it does take a while to make that bond and it is only now 5mths in that I am really starting to feel connected to our little girl tho that might be because we had her as a toddler rather then a baby. We were lucky in that our LA only ever chose one couple for a particular child so we knew when we saw the profiles for our children we were the only couple being considered so it does make it easier thinking you are not in competition. 

Just a thought but if you have any doubts then don't proceed as obviously it will be hard to pull out later. Have you got his whole CPR? Did you really really want a girl? We said we had preference for boys but when we saw pic of our little girl I didn't care lol and we now have little brother anyways. 

I have known people who have turned down profiles for whatever reason so if there is any doubt don't feel bad this is your life and it has to be right for you


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## Ozzycat

Hi Ciscox I was the same... I didn't fall in lov with our little lady or have sparks fly even when we met the FC and saw a book of photos and videos, in fact I wondered would I be able to lov this little girl?  Yes she's cute but I didn't feel blown away.
For hubby it was lov at first sight for me I fell in lov and OMG when it hits u that u lov this little person more than life itself wow!
She's our daughter regardless of how are family came together.
I've made peace with my past as it brought us to our little lady 😍
My SW said it was very normal not to have this sudden rush of lov... Weve all been through so much to get to this point and were terrified we'll get hurt again or it isn't real.
The trick is if u decide to progress just go with it and the feelings of lov and Joy do come just for some it takes a little longer. .. and that's ok x
Good luck 😙


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## ciacox

Thanks guys - it's so good to have this forum. I don't feel I can get much advice from friends and family as no one has any experience of this. It makes a difference to hear all your experiences and know that I'm not alone! I've had a predictably sleepless night! I know that if we do decide to put ourselves forward and are selected I will have to leave doubt behind and commit to this little boy so I just want to make sure I know and understand my doubts now so that I can feel confident I'd be able to do that. He's 15 months, meeting his milestones, healthy and happy. And super cute. I've been trying to figure out my reservations. I guess this is making me realise how much I really wanted a girl. I'd said to myself it was a preference but not a priority but for some reason I have always imagined a girl, since we first decided to try for children. It's hard to shift gears. Rationally I know that it's not a big deal, and I have lots of little boys in my life who I love dearly. Also, I know 15 months is young in adoption terms but I suppose there had been a little part of me hoping that we'd be one of the couples that is matched with a child under 1. Also, this little one has the same name as my best friend's son. That feels strange but obviously (obviously, obviously) not at all important. Reading back, I can see I still have some thinking to do. These reservations don't quite add up to how I'm feeling. Perhaps there is also an element of not allowing myself to get excited. Have taken unscheduled annual leave today. Just wanted a bit of time to process everything and couldn't face navigating work stuff.


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## Sweetnats

Cia 

I was similar. I had always imagined a little girl. And also had in my mind that the ideal scenario would be a little girl about 8 months. After going through the process all we heard about from our LA was the problems that the children can have. Medically and emotionally. We also said we would not jump and the first child they showed us. And we would think about it properly. I always imagined they would show me a little girl with lots of problems and I would see her little face and just melt and forget her problems. However they showed us. Little girl who was older than I imagined but with absolutely no issues at all. She is just perfect. Just older than I had picture. I then had to think about what I really wanted. And I realised that I want to be a mum and this little girl is lovely. Yes the age was older. But she is perfect and has so much character. So was a very easy decision for me. But it has to be a decision you are happy with as its for life.... That's what's so scary. When you buy a house you go back a few times to make that decision. But something this big is decided over a story and a photo..... Crazy really


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## Sweetnats

Oh a couple of questions ladies......

1) which talking album did you get? Our lo is 18 months and we have been asked to a book and dvd. Just not keen on the Lamaze one. 
2) we awe starting intros in Feb..... Do we buy her a present for Christmas?
3) we want to get her fc a gift when we do bring her home.... Any ideas?

Thanks all.  X


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## ciacox

After some initial dithering I am now super excited about this little boy. We had a really good chat with our social worker today and by the end of it I felt so ready to make the leap. Now I'm terrified that we won't be the chosen couple. It'll be us and one other couple they'll be visiting on weds morning... Should find out by the end of the day on Weds. Will be reading back here over advice and experiences on handling this visit in a competitive situation. At the moment all my energy seems to be focused on how the house looks. Because we've only been in a few months and have had loads to do, it doesn't look as homely as I'd like. Books still in boxes because no shelves up etc. I asked SW what she thought and she said it was fine but we should maybe get a lampshade in the sitting room. Feel like taking a day off work tomorrow to choose the perfect 'loving family home' lampshade!

Sweetnats - thanks for your thoughts. All in all, what I've learnt over the last few days is that this is a real child, born in the world not our imaginations. It's taken a bit to angst to let go of what I'd been imagining but now that I have I feel excited and positive. If we're successful, we'll also have intros in Feb and I will have all the same questions as you.


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## alig1972

Hi

Ok, meeting with SW went well, talked lots about mum and how I am feeling, but we jointly decided not to start the home study sessions for stage2 and for the PAR report until after Christmas. To allow me time to grief for mum but also to get my head back in adoption mode! But she has said she will do it quickly as she already knows lots about us as Stage 1 was more intense than normal and she will do weekly, long sessions and said we need about 6 including an individual one. So she is still aiming for an April panel at the latest. She is going to phone to book in some dates for the sessions and confirm a panel date! Also we need to attend the prep course too. 
Feeling so positive!!

Ali x


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## Loki Girl

Fab news Alli. Jan will be hear before you know it. 

Ciacox - glad you have managed to clear your thoughts and are feeling better. Will keep everything crossed for tomorrow that they like you best!!!!

Sweetnats - we had to do same. We managed to find a tomy talking book on eBay which one page didn't work but did the job for our daughter. We didn't want to use same for son as he was younger so we got the butterfly which was fine. I would say personally it would be nice if you got little one a present. If it was other way round the foster carer's would prob buy her a present. As for present for foster carer's we didn't do anything but sure other ladies will have some ideas. 

Well can't believe that today we celebrated our little man's first birthday. I know he didn't know what was going on and much preferred to eat the wrapping paper lol but Mummy was super excited and big sister liked playing with his new toys lol. Just us for today and we had lunch with Grandma and Grandad. Supposed to go out for family meal tonight but DH wasn't feeling well so we didn't bother. Little ladies birthday on Sun so having a joint family party then for them then can start concentrating on Christmas lol!!!

SW came yesterday and told us birth mom being a bit more cooperative and accepting of things. She is adamant it's a 3rd father but they can't find him. We have decided to take the risk and do foster to adopt and pray that he doesn't have any family members that could come forward. They said if they can't find him then the courts may issue something to see if they can get an address for him. Due date is now around 3rd week Jan so slightly better than 1st Jan!!! 

I was a bit annoyed about something and our SW is totally on our side but just want a rant cus it's bothering me. Little lady had been a bit out of sorts for couple of weeks well mainly since fireworks and she got poorly but is doing much better now. She is absolutely fine with either her SW or our SW visiting but she gets a bit funny if there is anymore. When we had little mans 2nd review little lady was really clingy and sat on my lap the whole time but the reviewing officer is quite stern and I didn't like the fact she was almost accusing me and DH of not thinking through having a 3rd child. But Anyways apparently when they left the reviewing officer said there was something wrong with my daughter and what was going on cus she shouldn't of been acting like that!!!!! I was pretty angry tbh. How dare she say that when my daughter who is not even 2 yet and happens to be a bit clingy as she gets overwhelmed with all the bloody social workers and decide there must be something wrong!!! Isn't it good if she is feeling insecure that she wants to be with me?!!!!! Our SW said when her and the kids SW got outside they commented how unchild friendly the woman was and how cold it had come across and I'm pretty sure that's what my daughter was picking up on. We also got a bit prickly at her accusations so that prob didn't help. Our SW reassured her that this wasn't what our daughter was normally like and she is a very happy and engaging little girl. I mean did this reviewing officer take the time to ask if maybe our daughter was poorly or anything else like that? She doesn't understand what's going on and it upsets her she's a toddler after all. So rant over I know what she says means nothing but it still managed to bring out protective mamma bear of her cubs  

Hope you are all having good week and more importantly - sleeping!!!!


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## Forgetmenot

Wow Loki, another little monkey!!  I cannot believe your IRO, sounds very harsh and unnecessary.

Little mans social worker still off, so no court papers done.  We are not allowed to submit our parts, as LA have to put it all in together.  I know this probably isn't the case everywhere but feel we can't go against the grain!!

I am anxious as a couple of others have had really bad experience with court, with judges taking time to consider children going back to birth families.  Scary stuff.

Little man is full recovered from all his illnesses as are mummy and daddy.  He was sleeping great, but this morning he has mainly been screaming from 3 am... Mammamamamamamma!! Annoying but sweet! Don't know what's going on with him.

Yesterday, the first day of advent, a day I have been dreaming about for many many years, well 9.  I dressed little man in his reindeer jumper and we had such a lovely day. Swimming and a trip to Santa.  Oh my goodness, I am so bless.  He was very non fussed, but mummy was in her element!!  How did I get so lucky to have a cherished babe for Christmas.  December is going to be just magical.  This year last year, we were getting ready to go on holiday, still waiting, still with little hope, so ladies and gentlemen, hang in there.  I'm trying not to be insensitive to those still waiting for their families and I used to get upset when people said it would happen when it's right, cos now was always right, but I am so glad we had the wait we did to end up with the monkey whose going to destroy my tree.... Though very excited to have multicoloured lights and tinsel!!

Hope everyone else is hanging in there, try and see some good in the holiday season, though hard xxx


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## Primmer

Some good news for us at last, over a year since being approved and we are now linked to a 5 year old blue. We are trying not to get too excited as we have been linked twice before and both times it fell through, but this feels right and more positive. Matching panel should be in January and then intros mid to end of Feb. Can't wait and just praying all goes smoothly between now and then


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## Ozzycat

Please gd primer this is ur little boy... u deserve it x


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## Loki Girl

Aww Primmer wonderful news right before Xmas. U are going to have the most amazing New Year planning stuff for your little boy. This time it will all work out I'm sure xx


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## ciacox

Great news Primmer. Really hoping things go smoothly from here.

Loki - I'd have been annoyed with that social worker too. She obviously doesn't understand much about anxiety and attachment in children, which is worrying given her job!

We just had our meeting with family finder and LO's SW. As I type they are meeting the other shortlisted couple. Feel sick!


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## Ozzycat

Good luck ciacox got everything crossed for you x


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## Loki Girl

Thanks Ciacox glad it's not me. OMG think we are all on tender hooks for you. Can't believe how you must be feeling!!!! Will be praying and praying you update with good news soon. Will you hear today? I would be so not wanting and wanting to answer that phone call!!!!


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## Tw1nk82

Primmer fantastic news hun. This is your time xxx

Loki i cant believe that woman. You have done really well not to have blown. Its lovely to hear that ur little boy had a lovely birthday and hope ur little girl has a lovely one too xxx

Ciacox i hope it all went well and that you hear really soon that you have been chosen xx

Fmn glad bubba and you all are feeling better xxx

Hello to everyone else xxx

We have had 5 nights without dummy. I cant believe he has given it up so easily i thought i was in for a fight. He is full of cold again. Think i need shares in calpol haha xxx


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## rosex86

We've been matched ladies!!!!!

SW and child's SW coming today to discuss! he is 7 months old!

Im in shock still and dont know what to do or how to feel! xx


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## Loki Girl

Woo hoo Rose. What a fantastic early Xmas present and a fantastic age. Enjoy this magical time of peace before the sleepless nights are upon you hahaha!!!


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## Ozzycat

Whooooo rose best Xmas present xxx


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## liveinhope

Great news Primmer, will wait to hear to the next part of your journey goes smoothly


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## ciacox

It seems he is the one for us!!! Feel overwhelmed, over the moon and very very blessed.


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## Tictoc

Congratulations Ciacox - hope the next stages move fast for you.


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## Primmer

Rose & Ciacox - great news for you both, so pleased.


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## Norma12

Fab news ciacox, & primmer, so chuffed for you & some great positivenews xxxxxx


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## becs40

Ah fabulous news ciacox!

Brilliant Rose too! A fab age, our lo came to us at 6 months and we're now looking forward to Christmas with a rampaging toddler that has just smacked me in the face with a rather large tractor!


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## Forgetmenot

Great news ladies xx


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## ciacox

Wide awake! I genuinely can't believe this is happening. It was so wonderful to be able to call family and some close friends last night and share such incredible news. Can't stop looking at his pics! May not have pulled my heartstrings initially but they certainly do now. I just think I was holding back to protect myself. Still have some fear that this is too good to be true and that we will hit an obstacle along the road. But I'm not going to hold back from celebrating this feeling. It's been such a long time coming (although I know we've been remarkably lucky that this stage has been so quick).


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## becs40

Ah ciacox all perfectly normal feelings. The majority of us have had a rocky road to this point and more than our share of bad luck so it is hard to believe in the good again sometimes! Enjoy every single second of preparing for his arrival.
We missed out on that hit as only got the go ahead with our lo 4 days before he moved in and the day before we started intros. So we had less than 24 hours to process it all and prepare for him (a week before Xmas too so even trickier to go and get things sorted as well!).


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## Loki Girl

Haha Ciacox. Noticed the time of your post - U'd better get used to being wide awake at that time    It's an amazing feeling isn't it? We loved telling people it was almost like being pregnant lol. 

Tw1nk tried to take a leaf out of your book with the dummy lol. I have wanted to get it off little man for a while as I really don't like them but wanted to wait till he was truely settled. He only has it for nap time and bedtime now anyways so not too bad. I put him down for his nap without it and he was fine (he falls asleep when we are out without it anyways). He maybe woke up bit earlier then he normally would but he had almost 2hrs so didn't mind. We tried at bedtime. He went to sleep fine but was awake 2hrs later really upset. We tried to console him in the normal way but he was having none of it and I could see he was looking for it. Gave it him and within 5mins he was back asleep and we haven't heard from him all night. Do u think we just keep try putting him down without them and give it him at night like last night or would it be better to just get him used to it without it at nap time first them work on bedtime? I was quite impressed he managed at nap time - mite be different today tho lol. He doesn't have his afternoon bottle anymore which is great as means he won't end up like little lady who refuses to give hers up before naptime (something foster carer's did). We are thinking of trying to wean her off onto a cup and then maybe try little man on her type of bottle. She doesn't have a bottle teat it's just those different Avent ones that are bit flatter. I suppose it's not too bad she has it 3 times a day but would still rather she had a cup lol. She drinks water all day with a straw beaker but would like little man off his bottles soon but still want him to have his milk. All fun and games and juggling lol. 

Have a good day ladies x


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## Tw1nk82

Loki we pretty much went cold turkey but just keep with not giving him it at nap times for a week then try taking it off him at bed time. It is a really big thing for them just like having an addiction. Hope it goes well for you xxxx

Rose congratulations xx

Ciacox fantastic news. Now the fun begins xxx


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## Sweetnats

So much good news on here  
We have our panel planning meeting on Monday and will be setting our dates for intros. Our fc is lovely and keeps sending us lots of photos and videos of our little girls which is lovely.


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## ciacox

Have had friend staying for last couple of days with her two littlies, one of whom is same age as our boy. Very cuddly and babyish still which reassured me that when our cub cones home at 16 months I will still have some baby energy in the house. We are off to ikea... Feel like I've already shared the good news with so many people and creating his nursery will make this so solid. So terrified of things going wrong but we can't wait til matching panel as need pics of his room by then and wd have less than two weeks after so we have to take the risk


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## Loki Girl

Aww Ciacox sounds fab. We had to get the rooms ready before our matching panel too as we had to give the book and dvd to the social worker in the day. Pretty confident they must of been lol. It's exciting tho planning and getting everything ready. Be warned tho at that age he will prob come with a lot of stuff. We weren't prepared for the amount of clothes that came with our 2!!! Trikes and all sorts. Our little lad came with 24 sleep suits tho think he did use them in day whereas I'm a proper clothes mummy - sleep suits are for night lol. 

We are in the throws of getting ready for the party. Little lady is 2 today. She was so excited with all her presents even tho we didn't go overboard. We bought her the Peppa pig treehouse and some Peppa pig figures as this is her favourite and she has walked round the whole day with candy cat in her hands telling us it's Candy Cat. She is such a little angel these days she has really come full circle from those horrible dark challenging days where she would scream all day. She is polite, she is funny, she is beginning to learn how to share with baby brother through that one is still difficult most of the time lol but she will now ask him for something rather than rip it out of his hands lol and will go and find him something else if she wants what he has. She is pure joy.  He is full of cold and is not that well. He screamed from 2pm yesterday cus he only had 45min nap. Wouldn't take his evening bottle so he got put straight to bed. I sat with him in his room to calm him down and within 2mins he was fast asleep and we then didn't hear him till 8.30 this morn. He got up and was a compete pain so he went back to bed at 10 and got up at 12.30!!! Kind of scuppered our plans as normally he sleeps in afternoon so he would of had good sleep bfore party but didn't want to wake him this morn after the foul mood he has been in. Thankfully since being up and having lunch he has been ok. 

Hope u are all having a good weekend xx


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## ciacox

Good advice Loki - foster carer told us he'll come with lots of toys and a 'full wardrobe'. In fact she said she's buying him a wardrobe of the next size up to be ready to come home with. On top of that, I think we're about to be hit with an avalanche of hand me downs from friends and family. I would rather choose and buy clothes for him myself but I guess we have plenty to do already! I think we'll probably buy a few things for him and then pick out our favourites from what we get from others and quietly put everything else to the back of a drawer/loft! So excited today. Only 54 more sleeps!


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## becs40

Aw happy birthday little Loki!  Sounds like it's all coming together Loki! Any news on number 3?

Ciacox so excited for you! Our FC was brilliant as she knew we were waiting in the wings so to speak until placement order had been made so she held off buying little man any more clothes so when he arrived he was in need of quite a few. She said she knew we'd want to buy for him ourselves. 

We've had a few nice days despite a really rubbish start to the weekend on Friday afternoon! I'd left my phone at my mum and dads so was on my way to pick it up from them after taking little man into see daddy at work when the car broke down! I was only 1 1/4 miles from my parents the bottom of the second steepest hill in the county! So luckily I had a maclaren buggy in the boot as its always kept in there so we walked to their house. Still waiting for news from the garage but have a feeling it's going to be very expensive!  
After that though we've had a lovely couple of days. I'm using the baby carrier so much now that the buggy is hardly used at all, I love it! We went to a lovely Xmas market yesterday afternoon so I got lots of sneaky kisses and cuddles whilst we walked round whilst he was all snug end cosy in the gales! Today we went to see so,e reindeer at a local garden centre and then after tea went for a walk around the village to look at the Christmas lights on the houses. It feels so liberating going out without a buggy! I can go into any shop without worrying about steps, narrow doorways and minute amount of floor space not to mention little arms leaning out and grabbing everything. I'm still in awe of the mum's I see on the babywearing groups saying they're off on city breaks for a weekend and not taking a buggy! Not sure I'd be that brave but it certainly is liberating as well as gorgeous enjoying those sneaky kisses and cuddles.


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## pyjamas

At last. Adoption Order granted on 3rd December. We are now legally Mummy and Daddy x


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## Thepinklady

Becs the only advantage I can see to a city break with a pram is to push all the paraphernalia that comes with travelling with a LO! I think I would be wearing LO and pushing the pram ladened with all the stuff I would need! Lol

When I am out with husband we always baby wear and the other one carries a rucksack but when I am on my own if I know I am going to be more than an hour and need the nappy bag I begin to think should I take pram? I am still working on the best way to carry some sort of bag and babywear. I am hoping I come to a solution before we get our next placement as we intend to pretty much babywear from the word go!


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## Tictoc

Congratulations pyjamas - it must feel great knowing there is no going back now. Can't wait for that!


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## becs40

Oh wow massive congrats pyjamas! An amazing feeling isn't it? Well done for hanging in there, now you can sit back and enjoy your family.


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## becs40

Pinklady I'm learning to scale the change bag down and I have a Pacapod bag so fairly often now I just take the change pod. I too haven't braved a trip on my own without a buggy if I'm going out for a while though but to be honest it's not tha often tha happens anyway! It's definitely easier as they get older as don't need bottles and purées etc as you can just buy a sandwich or something out if you need to.

How are you doing? You always sound so together and positive but I can only imagine the emotional turmoil and pain you're going through.


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## Loki Girl

Congratulations Pyjamas!!! I can imagine it's a wonderful magical feeling and one we hope to enjoy next year!!! 

Well we are exhausted lol. After all the party happenings yesterday, little man being ill so he was very clingy and had lots of attention from everyone. They didn't go to bed too much after their bedtime and little man slept through and is still in bed but little lady doing a beautiful rendition of Let it Go at 5.15am at full volume this morn wasn't well appreciated    DH has to go upto Warrington for work today and then I am kindly letting him go out with his mate for curry   So long day anticipating lots of clingyness from both of them as only me here. You would think all their new toys would help but knowing my two nothing is better than both vying for mummy's attention lol. Still it was an amazing day and little lady loved her presents and cake and now we can concentrate on Xmas and hope they don't get too many more presents cus we seriously have no more room for anything


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## becs40

Ah glad all went well and you all had fun Loki! 

I know what you mean about presents! I sorted through the other day and have filled a big storage box of baby toys and put them in the loft (just in case!) and am already thinking about what we have to house! He has a toot toot car super playground thing at the moment that he likes putting the cars down the ramp but that's about it so we're going to pack that away after Xmas for a few months and replace with the toot toot train my brother is buying him. Figured in a few months bringing the other one back out they can then link up and he'll be that bit older and hopefully doing more imagining play. My mum and dad have bought him a balance bike do that's ok no need for that inside. His other grandad will probably buy naff all so nothing to worry about there! We've got him smaller things so hopefully not too bad. When he's old enough to understand though we will get a present sack and ask him to choose some toys to put in it for Santa to redistribute in exchange for new toys on Xmas eve!


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## ultrafirebug

Hi,  hope you are all well.  Just popping by to say that we got  unanimous yes at approval panel today for f2a and adoption. Now waiting for a match...


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## Loki Girl

Woo hoo congrats Ultrafire what a fab early Xmas pres. Hope your wait won't be too long and u have a fab start to new year. Can't believe this time last year everything for us had been done and we were just waiting for panel in Jan. I am now sitting here with my little angel who actually slept in till gone 7am!!!! We didn't get up till 7.30 absolutely unheard of so enjoying chilling and watching Hey Duggee lol. 

Little man is still in bed but he has his MMR today. He hasn't been well with terrible hacking cough and nose like a tap so the nurse said they would asses him when I take him but unless he has a temp they don't like to delay the immunisation. Just hope it doesn't make him anymore poorly as we have a family outing on the Santa express on the Severn valley railway on Sun. 

Becs know what u mean. We bought little man the Toot Toot garage for his birthday and my mom bought him the airport. Put them all together and it fills the whole lounge lol so we just have the garage out. He just puts cars down ramp too but little lady likes it so it gets its worth for now till he gets bit older lol. They had so much for their birthdays we have been quietly hinting if people ask for Mothercare or toys r us vouchers that way we can save them and maybe get them some stuff in the summer. Feeling a bit panicky that realised if we bring new baby home form hospital it will literally come with very little. Better get on the Internet and start to figure out just what a new born needs just in case!!!!!


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## becs40

Oh yes Loki wish lists are great for that, especially on sites that you can then just add to basket! Thankfully that was something we'd done so when my head was in a total spin I didn't gave to try and figure out what we'd need.
Santa needs to bring us a new piggy bank now as I thought it was out of little mans reach but apparently not! So spent 40 minutes with him locked in the playpen whilst I sorted out the hundreds of coins from all the splinters of ceramic then hoovering thoroughly so he didn't cut himself!  
This day last year we were expecting his court case to be decided and our intros to start tomorrow. It was adjourned until a week later and we were also told by our sw it could go either way as they were less than certain of their case then in light of some odd court decisions! Now I'm sat here with little man playing with the inside of a loo roll rather than the hundreds of toys he has!


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## Ozzycat

Congrats ultrafirebug hope ur not waiting too long for ur munchkin/s to arrive  
We've got little ladies 1yr jabs today aswell loki, dreading it 😢😢
Still can't believe this time last year we were still in stage 1, never believed for a minute we would be lucky enough to have our daughter home.. I'm so excited for Xmas x
🎄⛄🎁❄💕😍


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## becs40

Congrats ultra! Fab Xmas pressie! Next Xmas hopefully you'll be sat here planning Xmas pressies and enjoying very early mornings!


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## Loki Girl

Quick question for you ladies who have had adoption orders completed. We have had letter giving us date in Feb for our hearing but it says we don't have to go and def no kids to attend. I thought there was a hearing that the kids go to that they can dress up with the judge etc. They made a big fuss about it on our courses that it's a special day. Obviously this is not the hearing we have had letter about so is there another one after the official hearing? Or is this hearing for birth parents to contest etc cus know they will be invited. Or is this not the actual final adoption order? Bit confused lol


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## bulmer

The first hearing is for birth family if you intended to go then you would need to notify the Court to make sure that you don't bump into BF.  It would be very unusual to attend.  If BF don't oppose or turn up then most Judges will make the adoption order as long as all the paper work is in order.  To be honest it takes longer to check the paper work than deal with the hearing ! The Court then have a Celebration Hearing for you to attend with the kids and any members of your family you want to invite.  BF don't get any notice of this hearing. If LO isn't from your area you can ask the Court to arrange the Celebration Hearing at a Court close to where you live to make it easier to attend. Hope this helps x


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## Loki Girl

Bulmer thank u. Now makes perfect sense. That's exactly what it sounds like. Not confused anymore lol x


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## Forgetmenot

Yay Loki... You getting there, ours still not written X his worker still off 

We have had a rough 4/5 days.... Poonami's with every nappy change and clothes poor little mite.  He's just shattered.  Off to gp tomorrow if no better as obviously fighting a bug.  Thought teeth, but two more are already through X

Hope everyone ok.  Am exhausted, 3 am starts to your day are not the best!!


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## becs40

It's very confusing isn't it Loki! Nearly there though! 

FMN poor wee man and poor you! We've just had this as well. I thought teeth originally too but was a tummy bug. Lasted about 4-5 days. I was kind of thankful but cursing our cloth nappy decision then! I was rinsing a nappy out every hour but then thankful I wasn't having to do a clothes change every hour too as they do contain it better! We also had the crappy nights night back too here little man was up from 3-5 solidly then slept until 5.30. The last 2 nights he's actually done 6-6 which is completely unheard of so I'm praying that continues!


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## Ozzycat

We also have a tummy bug with horrendous nappy explosions... were both loosing the plot with cabin fever!
Fingers crossed everyone's better for Xmas ⛄🎄🎁💟❄


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## Forgetmenot

I am up at 3 most days....
Same today, then 4, with a crappy bed too 
Poor mite.
This is day 5, don't know whether to take to GP.  Know they can't really do much, but worried about being dehydrated.  He's drinking water and his bottles, so guess ok.  But didn't know if should have electrolyte stuff or similar for babies.
What did you guys do? 
Also, we are still on shared ownership thanks to complete lack of his paperwork!!!
A very tired mummy whose loosing the will to say 'no' and bubba, 'go ahead and trash the tree' lol!!!!! Xxx


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## Loki Girl

Aww these poor wee mites. We haven't got the tummy bug but constant streaming nose since little mans birthday and the worse hacking cough which they can't do anything for. Think he's passed it round everyone!!! Luckily little lady didn't get the cough too bad. Had a couple of nights up with him but generally he's been pretty good. Bless them and all us tired mummies and daddies!!! We put our tree up finally last night. Just put the lights on it so little lady can help decorate today. Her little face when she got up this morn I wish I could of preserved it forever she kept whispering Christmas tree, Christmas tree bless her. Mite not be such a magical experience when little man gets up    

I am absolutely loving it. We went with the family on the Santa special on the Severn valley railway. Family go every year with my niece and nephew but I was never strong enough to go as felt it would be too much emotionally for me. Finally this year we got to do it. Little man was indifferent lol but little lady had a ball. I thought she would be frightened of the big man as she didn't like the one at he adoption party but to be fair he was thin and naff lol.  She was smiling and acting all cute it was lovely and she got a lovely polar bear for a present. We may get Santa'd out as going into my work today. We do a huge grotto with Father Christmas who gives you a golden key and you then get to go to the toy shop and choose your own present so going to sneak in between the school groups and miss all the public rush lol. 

Social worker is due tomorrow with a lady from fostering so we can ask lots of questions and know exactly how it will all work when we hopefully foster no.3 next year.  Exciting and busy stressful times ahead lol.


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## Forgetmenot

Wow Loki!! Full on but amazing. Three kiddies, more than you cover ever imagine and more.  Lovely to have our happy endings xx

My mum came up this weekend and we too went and saw Santa, though I would burst with pride.... Me a mummy, taking my boy!! Silly I know, but waited our lives for these little moments!  It was so lovely taking my mum too, as she's not had this opportunity before and loved it.

xxx


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## becs40

FMN our gp has an advice line in the morning so I just rang them and the GP said if he was still eating and drinking plenty just to let it run its course. If no better after a week to call back and they would send a sample off but they don't give and medication or electrolytes to littlies.
Loki that sounds magical. Our little man was very impressed by the tree and kept trying to steal baubles. Thankfully he seems to have gone off that now! Dh is supposed to be doing the conservatory icicle lights and decorations so I can't wait for that to see his face in the morning.
We have a Santa express here too but we haven't done it this year as still think he's a bit young but definitely next year! 
We're having a Xmas drinks do in Sunday for the neighbours and a couple of friends. There 4 children coming (3 girls the youngest of whom adores him!) so that will be sweet to see them all together and them mothering him!


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## Forgetmenot

I phoned this morning becs and they said to take up a sample I case of rotavirus, though should have been vaccinated.

Bland diet, no milk 

And see how he is tomorrow.  Today is day 5!  Three explosions already!!


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## ciacox

You're making me so excited about motherhood! Can't wait for the nappy explosions  

Visit from SW today to go over paperwork for matching panel.

I feel so excited and so blessed that things have happened for us so soon after approval. And I can't wait to meet LO and finally be a mummy. That said, I'm also feeling totally overwhelmed and panicky about everything we have to do in the next six weeks. My work (I'm a psychologist) is not the kind of job that's easy to drop so suddenly (probably no-one's is), and I'm feeling stressed about finishing with my clients and the amount I have to sort out before I go, especially since it looks like there will be no-one to handover to. And we have a week of travels to family over xmas, and then visitors over new year. And we're trying to get some work finished in the house which would be nearly impossible to do with a toddler running around. And we have to buy so much, and make his room lovely, and make his butterfly book and a little film. And I want to read loads about how to manage toddlers, what to feed him, how to handle the transition. And I really want to enjoy some quality time with my partner. Right now, all of these things feel like equal priorities but I just don't think it's possible to do it all! And it's emotionally a very strange time too. So incredible to be at the end of the journey to start a family and the beginning of the journey of being a family. So ready to give my love to LO but he's not here yet so it's kind of hanging in space if that makes sense.

It's hard because everyone is so happy for us and I keep being told how happy I must be, which I absolutely am but I also totally overwhelmed and kind of in shock.


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## becs40

Ah FMN fingers crossed he's better tomorrow!

Ciacox completely understandable. I know I felt like that too although we didn't have time to do anything. It was a year ago today that we got the phone call to say little man had his placement order granted and we were starting intros the following day! I can remember doing Xmas shopping online in bed at like 2.00am! We went late night shopping a year ago today to buy essentials for him - sheets, towels etc lol! (Thank god it was Xmas as everywhere was open late!) then we had3 full days of intros and he moved in the morning of the 4th day. Whirlwind indeed with Christmas 6 days later!


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## Loki Girl

Totally agree with Becs. All these feelings are very normal and the overwhelming prospect of what you are taking on Suddenly becomes real. There is this actual real life little person who you have been dreaming about for years is suddenly real and coming to your home. I felt it still for a couple of weeks after our little lady came home. I just couldn't get my head round this little girl in my house was mine. She was so challenging that I don't think I had the chance to stop and reflect how wonderful it was as it was a minefield of tantrums lol. Thankfully now that all is good and mostly settled I do take the time to watch her play, make her brother laugh which I find the best thing ever and enjoy her gorgeous hugs and kisses and I am very thankful it was these 2 little ones that came into our lives. 

Becs can't believe it had been a year already!! I remember so well reading your posts about you finally being able to bring your little boy home. 

We've had 3 very busy days and are paying the price a little bit lol. So today we have SW and fostering lady coming then it is a quiet day decorating the tree with early naps and hopefully we can calm everyone down lol. Bedtime was a nightmare last night and think everyone is just a bit overtired so quiet it is if that is possible since I seem to have the noisiest toddler I have ever met  

FMN really hope your little man is getting better and the nappies have calmed down!!!


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## becs40

Hhmm Loki I think little man could give her a run for her money at the moment. He's heading for a nap shortly then after lunch we'll don the waterproofs and walk to the park where he can have a proper run around as he seems to have far too much energy to burn off! This time a year ago I was having our very first cuddle! 
He was so lovely yesterday afternoon, I was sat on the sofa after his tea waiting for dh to get home and he went over to his books and brought one over so I lifted him onto my knee and we read it. As soon as we'd finished it he jumped off and ran and got another one. This happened until we'd read 12 books! Too sweet!


----------



## ultrafirebug

Hi everyone,  hope you are all well.  Just wanted to let those who remember me know we were recently approved and lo was placed with us under f2a scheme within 2 weeks!  Best... Christmas... Present... Ever! x


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## becs40

Fabulous news ultra! What a brilliant pressie eh. How old is lo? Our lo was 6 months when he was placed under fta 6 days before Xmas last year!


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## ultrafirebug

4 months.  She's an absolute delight. Very happy and smiley baby.  Just can't believe that it happened so quickly and she will be spending her first Christmas with us x


----------



## Ozzycat

Amazing Ultrafirebug... Best Xmas present 🎄🎁💕


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## ciacox

Congratulations!!!


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## becs40

Brilliant Ultra! I was adamant with our sw that we had to do fta with our lo before Xmas last year not so much about Xmas itself as they're too young to know any different. But from a point of them looking back when they're older that they've been with their forever family for so many key points in their lives. First Xmas, first bday, first sitting up, first crawling, steps, words etc it makes it so much less isolating for them when they've had those important moments with their family just as any birth child would do if that makes sense.


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## Ozzycat

Best Xmas present today... a letter from court with the date for the adoption hearing... 28th Jan and birth parents arnt going to contest it or turn up so she will legally be our little girl 😍 I feel so emotional I haven't stopped crying xx
Lots of love to everyone else xxxx
And HAPPY CHRISTMAS ⛄❄🎄🎁💕


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## ultrafirebug

That's great news Ozzy.  Have a great Christmas everyone x


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## Loki Girl

Ultrafire - fab news bet your feet haven't hit the ground!!! Hope she's settling in ok

Ozzy fab news - ours is mid Feb but don't know if there will be any contesting. 

Hope everyone with their little ones are enjoying Xmas eve and looking forward to tomorrow. We have been having a really rough time with little man. He's had back to back virus's with a hacking cough that won't go away and teething so basically he has been horrible for over 3 weeks. He's awake for over 2hrs every night and miserable and cries all day so pretty much we are 2 very haressed and stressed parent at the moment lol. Little lady has had conjunctivitis as well just to add to the mix. I don't really care bout Xmas eve I just want more than 4hrs sleep lol. 

Anyways hopefully tomorrow will be better and can pray he will sleep better tonight tho not holding my breath lol.  

Have a magical Xmas everyone xx


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## becs40

Ah Loki I think I wrote that post last year! Seriously recommend a cool midst humidifier for the cough, we bought the Vicks one that you can get menthol pads for and it really makes a difference. Little man had his cough for over 10 weeks with antibiotics etc during that time and nothing shifted it. Within a couple of days of using the humidifier it eased considerably and had gone completely within a week.
As for us Dh has a stinking cold, we've gone to my parents today for Xmas, they're only 1.5 miles away and never again! It's ridiculous the amount we've had to take. The car was totally full! As he's also coming down with the cold we've brought the humidifier. Got to go home for milk in the morning as my dad didn't buy any! We'd already brought him cereal, ready meals and desserts and snacks! Thanks for inviting us! He's struggled to settle in the travel cot and certain he won't self settle during the night so it's going to be a long one.
But it's still going to be a great Xmas!


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## Loki Girl

Ooh thanks Becs - will go searching willing to try anything at this point lol!!!

Know what u mean bout Xmas. We are at my inlaws and the deal was we stay at home, give kids their nap then come over for latish dinner. But my brother in law's parents decided they can't drive home in dark so want to eat at 1pm. I'm like that won't work for our 2 with being a 40min drive away and they won't go to sleep here although not prepared to even try on account for someone's parents who won't drive in the dark!!! At the mo need to make sure little man gets all the sleep he can. We would like to stay bit later in the evening as well which won't happen if we had to be there at 1pm. Can't make everyone happy but going to make sure we don't sacrifice the kids cus it's me they want when they are whinging and crying and tired and upset and I'm tired enough as it is at the mo!! My mil is constantly at me to put the kids to bed at hers but I know they wouldn't settle so not prepared to try it. Our little lady is all about routine and God help if she doesn't get it lol. 

Hope we both survive lol x


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## becs40

Lol they just have no idea do they. It's their routine, new environments not to mention the mammoth amount of stuff you take. My brain is frazzled from trying to remember everything then my mum rings just before we leave to say can you pop to the shop to see if you can get one of those foil turkey trays! 
It's at ours next year for certain! It's child proof for starters so we can relax without wondering where the next injury will occur. We have everything we need at home without having to pack a pickfords truck to take it somewhere else.
Happy Christmas anyway, I am looking forward to it and all the chaos. There are so many presents its ridiculous, making up for feeling guilty about not doing anything last year.


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## pyjamas

Our first Christmas with our LO was so special for us. She did not understand what it was all about this year but next year will be really excited! Celebration Hearing is on 5th January so we have something else to look forward to. Have had quite a few Christmases pass while we waited for a match but it does happen in the end, somehow you just have to find a way to hang on in there! x


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## PixieMcG

Evening.

Sorry I haven't been on much and haven't yet read back in everyone's Xmas. Hope you are all well.

We have been linked with a baby blue with matching panel on the 11th Jan.

We've met his social worker and she seems happy too. Let's hope panel agrees. 

Anyone had experience of matching and if they ever say no.


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## ciacox

Hope everyone had a good Christmas. We've been enjoying spending time with friends and family and looking forward to meeting our LO. I'm thinking of him all the time and he already feels like part of the family. Just want him here now! 5 more weeks... 

Pixie - congrats in your link! I'm also scared that things might go wrong as I've read on here that it can happen. But I'm really trying not to think about it and just enjoy this special time. If things do go wrong I will be heartbroken but it would be a shame to miss out on the excitement and sharing with others and enjoying the shopping so I'm just going with it.


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## PixieMcG

Thank you. Ciacox. I'm pleased for you also and your right no matter what happens we will be really upset. We haven't told family yet so have not really bought anything my hubs is too scared right now.

My work know only because I need to give them notice. I'm not sure what to expect for matching panel.


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## Loki Girl

Pixie - congrats - fab news!!! I understand your feelings but would say it would be a very slim percentage of it being a no. Your social workers have done everything to ensure that this is the best match and I would say the panel are 99.9% certain to agree. The only time I have ever heard of them saying no is when the paperwork wasn't right but the lady went on a couple of weeks later to be matched successfully. To be honest I found matching panel a little worse than approval. At approval they only seemed to ask 2 questions and our social worker was right on with the exact 2 questions they would ask. We were asked a few more at matching but it wasn't anything horrible just what made us decide on these children, how do we think they will change our lives etc. Would we promote their birth history the usual stuff u know the answers too. I am more worried about being matched for the 3rd and them deciding we couldn't cope lol. We did tell everyone because we were just so excited and we were mainly confident as we had had total faith in our LA up to then. Making all those phone calls after you have been matched and knowing your LO will def be coming home is the best feeling - if you can manage it without crying - I had to text a lot of people lol. 

Ciacox - it won't be long - 5 weeks will be here and gone before you know it especially with all your buying and preparation. It certainly is exciting times - enjoy!!!

Well we survived Xmas - failed miserably on starting a family tradition with photos of kids in new Xmas pyjamas and a family photo in front of tree. Maybe next year when they may sit still together     But the difference on waking up and seeing our little girls face was amazing. We knew she would be up early cus she always is and little man sleeps for hours so we had one of her presents upstairs so when she woke we bought her into our bed for her milk which we normally do but then showed her the present. If only could of captured the moment, she smiled a shy smile and whispered father kissmas. It was so cute. She def knows how to open presents lol. Had to wait till almost 10 for little man to be up and ready but then finally open end pressies. Then off to in laws in afternoon which was ok. It was just so lovely to be celebrating with our family finally and I am praying a lot more on this board have the joy next year too. 

Becs - hope you survived your overnight!!!!!

Hope everyone else had a lovely Xmas


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## becs40

Aw Loki sounds fab! Looking forward to that next year when little man is a bit older and understands it all. We were also trying for new family traditions but failed miserably! I had wanted to take him to do his footprints on a plate to use as FC's mince pie and carrot plate but time escaped us. I then thought we'd have a go at home by buying some porcelain paints and markers that you use then bake the plate in your own oven. That was a complete disaster as I was downstairs mixing up the colours to do before he got in the bath but when I got upstairs he was already in the bath with dh who yet again hadn't listened to instructions lol! So gave it a go whilst in the bath but useless!
We stayed 3 nights at my parents and survived all be it restless nights! The last morning we were there my dad said "he did well didn't he" because he woke up at 6.20 instead of 4.30 or 5.00! I had to point out this was because he'd been up solidly from 3.00-5.00am! He now has full blown cold and our first night back was horrendous because he had a sore tummy, teething, a cold and earache from either teething or his cold! Poor little man was really suffering so it was a long night!
He finished opening his presents yesterday as he had so many! Biggest hits were a dinosaur cosy coupe car from his aunt and uncle in America and one of those wire bead mazes that we bought him surprisingly, he's fascinated by it and played with it for most the day yesterday.
We went to the zoo yesterday for a run around and some fresh air which was lovely. Made all the better by one of the Tigers being very obliging with a really close look! He was no more than 6" away from us it was beautiful.
Lots of exciting times ahead for lots of you and those still waiting I hope the wait isn't too much longer.
Pixie enjoy the preparation, it's  the one thing we really missed as we had no notice so to speak. We had been linked with lo but there were lots of times it nearly fell through so we had to prepare generally for a child 0-3 then when we were told it was all going ahead we started intros the next day so no time for specific shopping for him or to tell f & f. So enjoy it and relish every minute because I'm sure you've waited a long time for it! I try to think of it like any new mum expecting a baby, there's always a tiny chance that things could go wrong but it doesn't stop them preparing for that baby. Look upon marching panel as the start of your labour, you're so nearly there so go and prepare and get nesting!


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## PixieMcG

Awe thank you so much Loki and becs. I didn't think about it like that at all. We ordered some blue bedding and built his bedroom furniture. We had ordered it with a view that we would need it even if the cot wasn't needed then we would at least need the Cot bed part. Hubs was off today and I'm over the moon. It's finally starting to feel real. My immediate family now know like mum dad sisters and brother. My dad almost cried and he's a tough man. Mum just kept saying I'm so proud then cried a whole lot. Wow it's so hard keeping it together. 

We need to go look for a pushchair this weekend but that's as far as hubs will allow until after the 11th Jan.  My SW hasn't mentioned about us attending panel, were in Scotland are all LAs the same? Will we definitely need to attend?

I'm so happy to hear about your Christmas stories and although it didn't go to plan I just can't help think about how ours might be next year.


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## Nicola30

Don't normally read om this thread but just happened to have a spare hour and had a glance through. Girls you've made me cry with happiness at knowing what you have ahead.
Enjoy every moment of this preparation time it's so exciting! It's easy to be apprehensive but once you've got this far in to a link it would be something major to stop it happening now, and would not be the norm!

Adoption really can be the greatest gift in life, my little munchkin is simply the greatest thing that has ever happened to us or probably ever will. 

We have had the most fantastic Christmas, but I will be slightly glad when everyone has gone back to work (mainly the in laws who keep dropping round EVERY day 😫) and it's back to just me and her doing our own thing.

Good luck to everyone making their forever family in 2016!

Pixie, I think all LAs are different with matching panels, we didn't attend ours - just got a call to see it was done! 
X


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## PixieMcG

Nicola that's lovely I'm so glad I'm not going completely crazy. Thank you.

I keep thinking how will I fill all my time when I'm off.


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## Nicola30

I remember that thought! And now wonder how the hell I am meant to get everything done in a day...
Even though I'm still on adoption leave I've had to employ a cleaner, ironing lady and the husbands had to learn to cook! 
I'm far to busy building towers and making memories to hoover now 😂


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## Loki Girl

Awww Becs your post made me laugh. Hubby's ay gotta love them    My DH is slowly learning how a toddlers mind works and still has a long way to go. He has taken real educating on you just cannot grab a toddler from what they are doing with no warning and expect there to be no meltdown lol. On kids birthdays my main pic I wanted was with the birthday cake. So everyone was doing great and little lady was playing happily with her cousin. I set up the dining room and DH said are we going to do cake. I said yes and stupidly gave no further instructions. So with no explanation or anything DH strides into the lounge says cake, picks up little lady and brings her into dining room. Little lady is now in floods of tears and screaming about being plucked away from what she was doing with no warning!!!! Hence now we cried all the way through Happy Birthday   I think a lot of toddlers do but our daughter in particular needs some sort of countdown so she knows what's happening next. She loves the bath and considering we couldn't get her in it and sitting properly when she first came now we can't get her flaming out lol. We have to do a countdown and tell her that once little man is ready it's time to come out. She is now fine with this apart from the odd toddler defiance of nope but she generally knows once we bring little man back in his pyjamas it's time for her to get out. 

I too have no time to do anything. I was a nanny for 24yrs and managed to look after the kids, shop, clean, iron and now I can't do anything because if I try and do anything I have a little lady into everything and a little man hanging onto the back of my legs so I can't physically walk!!! We too splashed out on cleaners before Xmas and it was sooo nice. Trying to just vacuum with my 2 is impossible as they both hang onto the wire and I cannot move. It's a nightmare. Ironing I can only get too when they are in bed and then I am too tired otherwise they are climbing up the frame or pulling on the wire or little man is reaching up. DH did take them both shopping yesterday so instead of enjoying some quiet mummy time I tackled the huge pile of ironing!!

Well today we are off to a butterfly farm which hope they will enjoy. It is sometimes a bit hit and miss at discovering what little lady will like. She could love it or be petrified!!!!! We just have to keep trying things lol. 

Anybody staying up for New Year's Eve     Def not me this year lol. Little man still having us up in night. He has turned from the golden sleeper into a little tinker. Screaming to go to bed, waking up in night for bottle then screaming to go back to bed. This morn he woke at 4.20 so bought him down gave him bottle, changed nappy then straight back to bed with no engagement and he went back lovely and quiet for 20mins when the screaming started!!! I went in and told him a couple of times and he stopped and started on and off till bout 6am when he finally fell asleep and luckily didn't wake little lady which is our main concern at that time cus she will never go back to sleep. Of course now at 9am he is still snoozing away little monkey. Little lady has had a few days now at 7am which is lovely and can't believe now she is doing that little man is being a pain. I swear they know lol. Think he has just been so poorly over the last month that it's become a habit. Hopefully won't last too long especially with baby possibly coming soon!!!

Happy New Year everyone and hope that 2016 sees a lot more mummies on this board!!!


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## Nicola30

Exactly the same with my lady Loki. Everything is counted down or up before it happens with us - "Oopsy Daisy is going to bed now so let's say goodbye, 1,2,3 goodbye Daisy" crisis averted!
My hubby doesn't seem to get that we can't just pop out places as and when it fits other people, he's promised to go to his grans with her today at 12 - bang on nap time! Men! 😂


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## becs40

Yep pre warnings here too lol! My DH is generally pretty good but is sometimes a bit slow to learn from his mistakes! Yesterday being a prime example he hadn't shut the larder door - again, so cue repeat performance of the first time he didn't do it. Little man enjoying the 2.5kg box of flour all over the floor! We're enjoying very lazy mornings here at the mo although little ban is still getting up at 5.30 one of us gets up the other gets to lie in. Then little man goes down for a nap at 9.00 so the other one comes back to bed so not been getting up until 10.30ish! 
Had a big row with my mum yesterday after they'd come for dinner the day after we had come back from 4 days at theirs. Apparently the house wasn't up to her standards and was a "slum!". The slum I would like to point out consisted of a laundry basket on the spare bed of ironing to be done, 1/2 a dozen clean baby grows to be put away and various empty packaging and boxes that was waiting to go out with the recycling yesterday.
The fact her downstairs loo is currently piled high with a stack of bed linen waiting to be ironed, their downstairs utility contains a treadmill piled high in cardboard boxes, the bed in little bans room was completely covered in stuff from their camper so we had to remove stuff onto the floor just to get somewhere to change him and get him ready for bed etc when we stayed seems to escape her perfect standards! 
I actually thought she was going to apologise when she realised how out of order she was when she started to say "I'm sorry" but then went on to say " if you can't take constructive criticism!"
Felt better for letting off steam with my brother last night who knows only too well what's she's like but is lucky enough to have 350 miles between them!


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## PixieMcG

Oh becs I feel for you. Why does it matter if you have a few things not done it's the holidays and you want to spend time as a family. A little piece of ironing or washing isn't something to be complained about. 

I would struggle with holding my tongue.


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## Loki Girl

How frustrating Becs. Tbh my mother would be exactly the same. My mom made some comments I chose to ignore when I told her we were having cleaners in and how she managed when me and my brother were little. I'm like um well there is 3yrs between my brother and me so when I was little he was in nursery so think it was bit easier than having a 2yr old and 1yr old!!!! I have long given up trying to be supermom and making sure everything is how it should be cus it can't be. I do best I can but to be honest if that's being out everyday cus my 2 get sooo bored at home and play each other up then the house and ironing waits. I just try to catch up when DH is home on weekend.


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## Barbados Girl

Crumbs, Becs, she would die if she saw our slum! Pixie and then we were both ill over the hols and we have lost the will to tidy.


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## pyjamas

I have my parents and the in laws coming Tuesday morning after celebration hearing so will have to try and fit in some housework before then! LO hates me vacuuming and always seems to get up to mischief if I'm not giving her 100%! Happy New Year and best wishes to those waiting. I know I'm so lucky to have my LO at last this new year x


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## PixieMcG

My parents came over yesterday and the only comment I got was your house is lovely. But to be fair I have no kids so next year I reckon the comments might be a little different.

I really would rather a messy house with our little one than a clean house without him x


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## becs40

We got off to a cracking start for new year with it all blowing up out if all proportion! My mum seemed to be set on a complete self destruct mission in pushing everyone away. Suffice to say the slum comment was the tip of the iceberg and plenty more followed! I went round there yesterday morning to try and sort it out. Was round there for an hour and a half with plenty of tears but she just kept pushing away. My dad stepped in and tried to find some middle ground and she kind of came around. They were invited to us for dinner yesterday and she said she thought we shouldn't see each other for a while but that wasn't the answer because that wasn't the problem. Anyway they came round and it wasn't too bad, a little strained. Spoken to her today and seems almost back to normal and we're going round there tomorrow now for dinner so we'll see. Family eh!
Apart from that we've just been having a lovely time as a family enjoying daddy being at home so gutted there's only one more day of that! It's gone far too quickly.


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## AoC

So sorry, Becs!

And to those with cleaners or messy houses or both.... whether or not you should or shouldn't do it, or have time or don't to do it, or are supermum in terms of being clean and tidy or not.... that's not the point.

The point is you choose to spend time with your LO rather than on chores.  No child is going to grow up saying, "I wish you'd cleaned more and played with me less when I was younger...."

Laugh in their faces.  They're wrong and you're right.

So there.  ;-)


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## becs40

Thanks AOC. I think we're back on track thankfully but what a start to the new year. Actually sat here in an immaculate house tonight as took all the decs down last night so had a good Hoover up this morning with little man trying to either eat the plug or ride on the Hoover all good fun! 
Had a lovely day with little man today despite having been having battles with food lately as in meltdown every mealtime and him not eating.  Today he was on good form and ate a bowl of mini blueberry filled shredded wheat for breakfast, a cheese sandwich and banana at lunch time and tea wasn't as great but not bad potato wedges, a couple of bits of carrot (thrilled as has been point blank refusing these lately despite him loving them previously) and 1/2 chicken goujon - again hasn't been touching these at all. Small steps but hopefully in a forward direction.
Even managed to have dinner made before dh got home at 5 with the kitchen immaculate so a nice relaxing evening now.


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## Loki Girl

I'm totally with you on the eating habits of toddlers Becs lol. I don't know how little miss eats enough to survive. She used to be so good and would always try something new but oh no not now. Sometimes she refuses to put a single bite in her mouth. Veg is non existent even tho she used to eat beans, peas, sweet corn and broccoli now won't touch anything or fruit. The only way get her to have some is fruit purée pots and Ella's kitchen smoothies lol. She always has a good breakfast her favourite being croissants but then u mite get half a sandwich and a bit of cheese if you are lucky or half a can of spaghetti for lunch and then tea is hit and miss unless it's her 3 favourites of cheesy pasta, pizza or Chinese!!!! Just hope little man doesn't go same way as he eats absolutely everything lol. We just keep persevering not making a fuss and making sure we all eat together so she gets a good example. If a toddler won't eat there's not much you can do lol. 

We took our tree and decs down tonight so finally have half a lounge back again which is now full of toys lol. Not sure how little lady will react when she comes down tomorrow and there is no tree. Little man seems finally on the mend. After countless nights of being awake for 2hrs he has slept through for the last 2. His cough is almost gone and his nose has almost stopped. It has just been constant since end Nov so thank God. Now all we need is Mummy and Daddy to get rid of the cough as well lol. 

Can't believe we are 2 1/2 weeks away from sibling no.3 being due although we don't know exact date. It just seems so surreal at mo to think we could get a call anytime really. We have nothing prepared cus it just doesn't seem real and tbh I think do I actually know what a newborn needs lol. Think I need to at least start composing a list lol. Our SW is due to visit next Mon after the Xmas break so hoping she has some more news for us!!! I took the kids to soft play today and there was a lady with a newborn and couldn't keep my eyes off her thinking could I seriously have one of those in less than 3 weeks!!!! Scary!!!

FMN - u have been quiet - how are things with your little man? Did u have a lovely Xmas? Been thinking of you xx


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## becs40

Uuggh yes, he used to eat everything! Now it's decidedly beige! Nearly screamed the house down when I dared to offer a satsuma! I think a big part of it is he wants to feed himself but he's not great with a spoon yet so unless it's finger food it's a no go! We have breakfast and lunch together and I sit down with him at tea time but he has tea at 4.30 so too early for us unless it's the weekend. Just hope he'll go through this phase quickly and not end up like my nephew who is so restricted in his diet it's awful! We went to centre parcs with them and my sister in law hadn't managed to get the normal chocolate biscuits he likes so she had to bet him £50 he'd like the ones she bought just so he'd try it - a chocolate biscuit for gods sake! He's 10 now so unlikely to improve much.
How terrifying and exciting in equal measures Loki! You must really be on tenterhooks at the moment! I guess all they really need is formula, nappies, clothes and somewhere to sleep initially! Fingers crossed for news from your sw.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Sorry for radio silence, have been looking in.  The build up to Xmas was full on, I was so looking forward to it, but it was so full on!!  Only just finished presents yesterday due to I laws behaviour.... Long story!!  Despite this, I still had my little boy on Xmas day, but we both said, next year, we are going solo!!

Our court papers were submitted bang on close of play for Xmas holidays, so hopefully hear something soon.  Need it all to move forward, as need to know he is staying put.

Our little ones birthday is coming up.  Any ideas for a day out?  He is having a tea party the day after, but wanted something special for mummy and daddy, so not sure......  I can't believe it has come around so quick. He still amazes me every day.

We had to have another health assessment due to length of time waiting... Madness.

(Loki, family of 5..... How crazy, BUT lovely, so pleased for you X)
However everyone else? Xx


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## Loki Girl

Nightmare isn't it Becs? We have friends with an 11yr old who is awful and will only eat very limited things and ketchup!!!!! He has to have ketchup with everything!!! He sits here tearing the inside of the bread out of a baguette and still won't eat skin on sausages. If it's a different brand of sausage he won't touch it. He sits at table for hours and hours while his mother goes on and on at him giving him all the attention he shouldn't be having. Drives me crazy!!! Bet u tho 10mins after dinner he is hungry then he gets a packet of crisps!!!! I hate having them for dinner. Plus his parents have supposedly every sort of intolerance under the sun between them and spend so much time analysing what is in packets no wonder their son is useless and paranoid bout food. They got a dog 2yrs ago and I joked how long will it be before the dog is intolerant and lo and behold about a week after having him he was intolerant to wheat etc and on a special diet!!!  I am also paranoid we will end up like that but think as long as we just keep offering and as long as she is having one good meal with some fairly decent snacks in day we will get there. My niece is coming up 3 and it's nice cus my sister in law will be like oh a year ago she wouldn't touch fruit yet there she was tucking into a big plate of grapes and strawberries so there is hope for them lol. 

FMN lovely to hear you survived lol. I certainly had way too high expectations which didn't go to plan and think all my plans are best suited when they are a bit older lol. Think we have just waited for this for so long that we panic about doing everything right. I just need to relax more and enjoy them and not worry so much lol. Hopefully won't be long before you get a court date. We put ours in think bout beginning Dec and got a date for mid Feb. Birth parents have till tomorrow if they want to contest so hopefully our SW will know next week if they are. Fingers crossed it is all straight forward and they won't but you never k ow with her being pregnant and all she might be full of hormones!!!

What does your little boy enjoy? At that age it is difficult. We had a joint outing to a zoo which was mainly for our little lady but he enjoyed it. Maybe a farm? On little mans actual birthday we went out for lunch with my parents then we were supposed to go out as family for tea but DH was poorly so never made it. I'm sure whatever you do will be magical and enjoy being part of that milestone you never thought you would see!!!


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## PixieMcG

It's great to hear everyone's stories.  I can't wait until our little one is with us so that we too will have stories to share.


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## Loki Girl

Lol won't be long Pixie!!!!!

Having a few weird feelings after conversation with kids social worker last night. She rang to ask for a photo of each child for the adoption report and a family photo (I thought u'll be lucky we failed miserable at Xmas for that one    ) But anyways I asked her for any updates and she said she thought our daughters dad would be going to court. She said mom wouldn't and neither would our little boys dad but even tho her dad has been told he really doesn't need to he is adamant he wants to go. SW said its his lack of understanding about what's happening more than anything but it suddenly bought lots of horror thoughts into my head thinking they couldn't possibly decide that our little girl should go back would they? Both him and BM want to raise baby which council are still determined won't happen but now I'm starting to think negative thoughts like had he changed? He was always the difficult one with social services and not accepting of what was happening. Our daughter was removed at 4mths and they haven't seen her for over a year since the adoption order was made but still doesn't stop me thinking. Our daughter can be quite complex in her emotions and we are only just figuring out what makes her tic and what kind of things set her off. I just couldn't imagine her being secure with anyone else but us!!!! She def needs a lot of love, routine and security. Anyways prob me just being silly with so much going on with thinking of baby and adoption hearing coming up. Does it ever stop getting stressful?!!!!! Just want to relax and enjoy my family knowing they are mine and staying. Gues we are going to be a few months away from that with baby but think it will be better once the adoption hearing takes place for current two. 

They still can't find who they think is baby's dad so still a worry there and no news on sex. Apparently BM said she had finally had another scan but they said she was too far gone for them to tell. SW said she wasn't sure how true that was but guess sex of this baby going to be a surprise lol. Neutral baby suits it is then!!!


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## AoC

"If a toddler won't eat there's not much you can do lol"

I wish someone had said this to me, repeatedly, and loudly, a few years back, instead of the mummy-friend response of , "oh, what you do is..." and offering lots of 'solutions' none of which worked and some of which made it worse.

Bug's diet is horrific.  From the range of snack foods he'll eat, I know it's a control/brain thing rather than a taste/texture, physical act of eating thing.  We're going to have another crack at all eating the same meals soon (when I can sit down and do some menu planning) and thankfully he's got a bit of reserve on his bones now.  

I still have to remind myself that we've come a long way from the days of two-hour dinner time tantrums and refusing an entire plate of food because there was a microscopic amount of something from his 'no' list on the plate.  I'm proud of the fact that he'll now say "no, thank you," and leave the thing he doesn't want.

Now for phase 2.

(*wailing*  But I don't wannaaaaaaa!!! *sob*)


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## Loki Girl

Haha sounds like us AoC. She just looks at her plate pushes it across the table and says yuch!!!! Can't even get a spoon past her mouth when that's happening lol. And u are right. Can't even combine her favourite like cheesy pasta with something new or something else on plate as she won't eat it lol. Totally bizarre tho as she loves Chinese!!! Her favourite being the starter yuk sung!!!!! Loves noodles with all sorts of sauces on but won't touch a lovely roast with gravy   Not sure how old your Bug is while writing this but do rewards work? I.E sticker chart for taking so many bites etc? Mine is bit young at mo to understand but thought when she is older and understands a bit more and is maybe still fussy it might work? After watching the battles of my friend for up to an hour over dinner I refuse to go down same path. I always said there would be a reasonable time limit in place if we got to this point. Everyone just gets too stressed. The more they know they can control you over the food the more they will. I watched a program once on the actual amounts a child needs. U would be amazed at how small a portion is needed for an 8yr old!!! I'm sure I read somewhere that a toddler only needs a tablespoon or something ridiculous so I don't worry too much. She loves cheese and yoghurt so gets her calcium and still has 3 toddler bottles of milk a day. Little man prob eats twice as much as he should and never stops hahaha. Hoping he will burn it off when he's walking lol.


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## becs40

Spookily enough ladies a friend posted this article on her social media timeline last night!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-mid/6-words-that-will-end-picky-eating_b_7139710.html
I have to say it's pretty much what we've been doing for the last few days and the difference has been incredible. I'm much happier and more relaxed and he's eaten something for all 3 meals so can't say fairer than that.
Loki there's nothing anyone can say to stop you stressing AO, we've all been there but it will be fine. BM wrote to say she would be contesting but didn't turn up (probably did but as it was the first case of the day at 10.00am the judge saw the opportunity of her lateness to just grant the order quickly!) our sw rung us at 10.10 to say it had gone through much to our astonishment. It's amazing the difference it made to me though, I really felt afterwards I'd been subconsciously holding back until that point but hadn't been aware of it.

/links


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## Loki Girl

Really good article Becs. Thanks for sharing. We do same. Well this is what we are having its upto you whether you eat or not but we are having a family dinner. We are lucky that DH is home by 4.30 so we can all eat at 5. Once a week tho DH and I eat by ourselves after the kids have gone to bed. It just gives us chance to enjoy a 'hot' dinner and a 'peaceful' one. Our mealtimes are noisy with 2 toddlers and trying to feed the younger one and eat ours and try and cajole the 2yr old and I was beginning to not enjoy mine so we sit with them 6 days a week and one day we feed them their favourites and we eat later. Works out really well and almost kind of feels like a date night for us without going out hahaha. 

Thanks for advice on ao too. Ours is early hearing too 9.30 I think so fingers crossed it will be quick. Guess you can't help but think negatively but it's in back of my mind they will kick up a fuss especially if they have just had to give up a 3rd baby!!!! Can't believe they can nearly have our surname lol. Fingers crossed, not long to panic for lol


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## Tictoc

Loki - completely understand the AO worries. We have date for ours in a few weeks and I am worried that she will appeal as she is obviously trying to keep this next baby. SW have assured us that the placement order is not going to be overturned but I can't help but worry until the order is granted.

So they have to be there in person to appeal? If so hopefully that will put an end to it - am sure they can say they can't make it though in which case they could cAuse a delay anyway. Am guessing you are going to be similar in that she will just have given birth so could be unpredictable with hormones all over the place.

No help on the eating issues from me I'm afraid although I have a feeling my youngest is going to give me this problem - only just turned 1 and I can see he is fussy already whereas the other 2 would eat anything I gave them


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## Forgetmenot

Becs, I am like you holding back... Deep down know all will be ok but all the thoughts of what if...

I am sure it will be ok Loki X hopefully you will get both  calls soon, yikes!!!

Well our application has finally been submitted.... So just waiting for it to be processed, need this to happen quickly!!

My focus is on little mans birthday.... In process of baking the cake for the weekend, have a creation to make!!

Just ordered a big number one balloon and picked him up the places you will go....  I got an array of candles, duh will go mad.

Almost mummy to a one year old.... We will have loved him for 185 special days!!!
Also nearly at the point we have had him longer!! Think will feel better, stupid really X

Hope everyone else is ok x


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## Forgetmenot

Oh, anyone still got sleep issues?!


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## becs40

Aw the first birthday is magical FMN. We just went to a local small zoo the 3 of us then came back and had a birthday tea with my parents.
I think all that we've been through before adoption and through the process leaves us expecting the worst all the time so that's part of why we all feel so apprehensive even though we really know deep down it will be fine. I hadn't realised at the time that I was holding back just that although everything was great there was still this feeling that he wasn't mine and that I was looking after him. Almost the moment the AO was granted I could feel the change so strongly.
Our sleep issues are getting better slightly but we still are up from 5am! We still have some wakings but they tend to be short thankfully now.


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## PixieMcG

I'm amazed at everyone's stories and worries. It's great reading in advance as I'm sure we will come across these issues too.

I'm wishing my life away we were linked in November and still waiting for matching panel which is scheduled for Monday.  The delay was due to the holidays. 

LA now reopened after the Christmas break so I hope things go smoothly but quickly.


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## becs40

Ah Pixie I'm sure it will! What a shame the holidays slow everything down so much. Our la were very good and allowed us to fta to avoid the delay as would have been waiting to Feb for matching panel with intros possibly not until March. Doing fta allowed us to bring our lo the week before Xmas 2014!

Good luck for Monday, exciting times!

FMN make that a 4.05 wake up this am! I'm keeping quiet next time about complaining about 5.00am!


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## Loki Girl

Life is cruel. Our little lady now sleeping in regularly from 7pm till gone 7am. Today was 7.40!!!!!!!!!! And most of you know what she was like when she came to us!! Unfortunately the little good sleeper who turned 1 in Dec has decided he doesn't need to sleep through the night!!!  Why do they do it to us? We haven't changed anything. He would always go down happily whenever u put him. Sleep a solid 13-14hrs and wake up happy. Since he turned 1 and was so poorly for over a month he cries to go down for nap although he does nap regularly with his sister from 1-3pm, cries to get up, cries to go to bed. Has been waking prob every other night for upto 2hrs. Then won't get out of bed in morning!!!! We had been giving him his bottle to calm him as think we were worried with him being ill he wasn't eating as well but we have now stopped now as we know he doesn't need it. It isn't hunger that wakes him. Last night he had a massive roast pork dinner with mash, pork, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower which he devoured, a Yorkshire pudding, a yoghurt and a kiddilicious wafer and then had 8oz milk bfore bed so def not hungry!! If you are thinking wow don't worry the older toddler ate 6 pieces of cheesy pasta and 2 Yorkshire puddings!!! Anyways he was awake from 2.30 till 4.00!!!! I didn't go back to sleep till 4.45 and DH's alarm goes at 6am. We have put in place bit more of bedtime routine for him and got him a CD player with classical kids music as this is what sister has but don't know if that's working yet. I got him out of bed and changed him but other than that we don't get him out of bed. If he continues to cry I just go in couple of times and tell him night night and let him get himself back to sleep. Now we know he won't wake up little lady it's a lot easier. BUT why when finally we get little lady sleeping well and boy that has been a battle and she has come so far from those 4.30/5am get ups now he decides to play up!!! We are hoping desperately he settles down and it is all habit from being ill especially before baby arrives!!

So get one thing sorted and another thing starts. Now waiting for him to stop eating


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## Loki Girl

Good Luck for today Tictoc. I'm sure everything will be fine. Can't wait to read your update later


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## Forgetmenot

Ah Loki! What a nightmare.  Our soon to be 1 monkey, is still playing about with his sleep!  Mine is in a routine of sort, but need to break that middle of the night one.  He goes down at 630 and wakes around 3.30.  Sometimes he goes straight back of no bother, other times he screams and takes ages to settle.  He then wakes between 5-6, stays up for an hour, then has a bottle and sleeps for 2 hours.  He refuses day time naps, and desperately needs them!!

Can't believe how much yours has eaten!!

We have just put him on cows milk and he's loving it.

It's a shock to the system becs, when going well!

They like to keep us on our toes xx

Pixi, waiting is hard, but it will come round soon enough xx

Good luck tictoc xx


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## Loki Girl

Have u tried reducing the morning nap so he will sleep in afternoon FMN? With one it's whatever works best for you but for me I wanted them sleeping at same time lol. He still wanted a morning nap even with not getting up till gone 8 so I would let him have half an hour but no more sometime between 10/11 or bit later if we were at playgroup. He would then be ready to go down with his sister after lunch. Maybe if you tried this you could push his bedtime back to 7pm and he may then sleep longer? Of course he mite not as I am finding at mo lol. 

Haha it will be a huge major shock if he gets picky because he literally will eat whatever you put in front of him. The downside to that is you just don't know if he is full or just eating cus we give it to him. Have to be careful because he's no lightweight and I do worry he is on the large side. Hoping when he starts walking he will burn it off. He's taken a couple of steps, can walk now holding just one of our hands and cruises round the furniture at lightning speed. We do have a walker for him but a certain little lady won't let him use it cus when we get it out she wants it and so he's going to have to figure it on own cus the fighting is unbelievable then he doesn't want to use it lol. All fun and games. Hope the birthday prep going well. What cake are u doing? An ex boss of mine made an amazing Peppa Pig one for little lady and an In The Night Garden for little man. Absolutely brilliant and free


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## becs40

Ah don't sweat it Loki, he'll settle and sleep right through the night and then the day the new baby arrives then you'll be up all night with them instead! It's called the law of the sod lol! 
I can cope with at the mo as dh doesn't leave for work until about 9 so days like today I get up with him at 4 until about 5.30-6 then dh takes over and I can go back to bed for a couple of hours. He's starting a new job in April so he'll be leaving at about 7 so I'll be screwed then lol! 
Dh says he's got a gut feeling that bm will be pregnant again soon so not sure how I'd really feel about that if it does happen anytime soon with dh going to be working much longer hours. Although having said that he is supposed to be working from home 2-3 days a week if he sticks to that.


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## AoC

Oh Loki, you poor love, that's not fair!  Hope it's just a developmental thing and soon passes.

I remember with deep shudders the time we tried a reward chart approach to eating.  I'd made a fresh fruit platter for pudding - grapes, strawberries, melon, pineapple, mango.  We didn't push it, but showed him a reward chart our childminder had recommended to us, and told him he could have a sticker if he tried a piece of fruit - didn't have to eat it, just try it.  He ended up in hysterics, proper, hyperventiliating, whooping, screaming, unable to calm-down hysterics simply because he really, really wanted the sticker and the approval, but could not make himself taste a piece of fruit.  After 30 mins we ended tea, and tried to comfort him, but he just went up and up, raging and devastated.  He would have been about 4 then.  I still feel we got that one badly wrong and feel ashamed, frankly.  I think I ended up taking him outside, or into the shower with me, as water and/or fresh air helps him regulate.  Poor love.

But I do know Bug's just one child, and actually would still recommend rewards and stickers for others, if that's what works for them.


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## Loki Girl

Thanks AoC. Gosh what a drama. U honestly don't realise sometimes what can trigger things in them. U do something that you think will work and it will be great and rewarding and all you get in return is a complete meltdown like your little Bug had. Bet anyone mentioning reward and stickers brings back horrible memories for you lol. Like you say they are all individuals and you have to get to know them and what sets them off. We are still learning with our little lady 7mths in and there is no ryhme or reason sometimes. She is very particular in how you do things and if you show her something it always has to be done that way, even if there are 3 different ways it could b done she won't have it and will have a meltdown if you don't do it the way you first showed her. We had an absolute meltdown in the car the other day because DH got in the car with his coat on. He then decided 5mins into journey he was too hot so took it off. Little lady decided that wasn't how it was supposed to be done and was screaming daddy coat on!!!! If we are all going out together DH and I cannot get in the car until we are both ready to get into the car otherwise she screams for the one that's missing even if I tell her Daddy is just locking up etc. If one goes out we have to really explain to her if she is going and I am staying or vice versa otherwise it's tantrums all the way. Learning to take the time to talk to her about what's going to happen has really helped us and her. Little man seems completely opposite and pretty chilled tho he is finding his voice and screams when little lady is screaming!!!! They need separate instruction manuals these kids lol. Bless them tho wouldn't be without them.


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## AoC

LOL!  I can relate!  Bug used to get quite disturbed if I wasn't wearing my glasses in the car (which is the only time I wear them, and I don't technically need to do so).

Funny thing is we've had success with stickers and rewards in other circumstances... potty training, defusing some bits of the daily routine where he'd got into a habit of resistance, improving bed times.  But I've never seen anyone so locked up between wanting something desperately, and their brain refusing to let them do what they wanted to.... 

You're right.  A manual would come in handy!


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## alig1972

Hi all 
Well things are really starting to move on the adoption front. We are finally starting Stage 2 with the first meeting on 22nd Jan, this will be an all day session! We then have a couple more joint all day sessions and one individual one each. We are booked on the prep training for 3 days at the end of Feb and drum roll......PANEL is booked for 20th April...eek!! Suddenly all starting to feel real again...! 

After 3 years! Could this be our year..?! 

Ali x


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## becs40

Ah Ali I really hope so! Brilliant news! Good things come to those who wait has never been a more true statement when talking about adoption.


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## PixieMcG

Anyone able to help with the intros? What actually happens. My understanding is we go to the foster parents but is it awkward? Do you need to just jump in or will they go through the little ones routine etc?


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## becs40

Hi Pixie,
It will vary from FC to FC. They'll all have their own way of doing things. Our intros were super short 3 full days and lo moved in on 4th morning. Our sw had kindly told FC we had no childcare experience so she would need to show us how to do everything! Fortunately FC queried this with us as I'd plenty of experience with my nephews from birth to their current ages of 10 and 13! So she just said she thought it was best if she told us what was happening or going to happen as we went through the first day but we woukd do it all and she would be there to help if necessary. So we arrived and he was due a bottle so she said "right he has a bottle now so come with me and you can make it up etc" and she showed me where everything was.
They're very good usually at putting you at ease. I'm the kind of person who isn't very comfortable in other people's homes though especially eating etc so we did say we would have dinner at home even though it was late. We weren't getting in until 9 generally but we are used to eating late anyway so that wasn't a major issue. I just made sure we had some snacks with us even if it was just for the journey home to tide us over.


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## PixieMcG

Awe thanks becs.  My SW said roughly 5 days as he's only 6 months. So does that mean he will come home with us on day 5 if all goes well.  I know they will tell us more next week but I'm so curious.

We have met his SW and have been given pictures of him which is amazing but also means we just look at them all the time and he's already ours even before matching on Monday. 

I'm the same we have no children but we have 10 nieces and nephews between us with the youngest two being 2 and 5 months. I'm happy changing and feeding them so don't think that will be an issue once we get him home. Just a bit nerve wracking as I don't know how involved we're supposed to be during those 5 days.


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## becs40

I would think he'd be home on day 5. Our lo was also 6 months so intros tend to be shorter anyway. It's more normal I think for FC to show you on day 1 and you to observe but our FC thought it was easier to get stuck in straight away. That was certainly better for me as I always learn better by doing than watching! Either way they'll tell you when you arrive what they are going to do. It'll be great!


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## Loki Girl

Ali wonderful news and perfect start for 2016. This WILL be your year!!! You deserve it. Don't envy those all day sessions tho blimey!! I found my individual ones really draining and had to have 2 and they were only couple hours long lol. Time will sail by and u wil soon be at panel. 

Pixie I wasn't looking forward to intros either but as Becs said depends on your FC's. Our little ladies was long 9 days but she was older. That was draining as they had her in silly routine getting up at 5am and not going to bed till 9!! Our early mornings started at 7 and sometimes lasted all day tho we did say we would go when she went for a nap as we had Loki our dog to deal with as well. Also awkward cus they kept her in small lounge with stairs gate across and she didn't have many toys so we were stuck in tiny room with same toys. They were older and very quiet but very nice. They did everything for first day but then because little lady was so good with us they just said do you want to change her nappy etc. Then by 3rd day we were making her breakfast etc. With little man his FC was a young real loud lady so she was just oh get stuck in there do this do that etc. It was good and we felt much more comfortable. Our son's was more oh he is so clingy I don't know if he will be ready in 6 days and this was difficult cus we were having issues with our little lady at home so I just wanted him home so we could settle everyone down so felt pressured a bit to prove he was attaching and ready to come home. Luckily he did great and all went to plan. We had day one at home with them, day 2 went out for a walk with FC, day 3 took him for walk on our own, day 4 took him out on our own for most of day, day 5 he came to our house with FC and she left after a bit, day 6 we fetched him and took him back with us all day and day 7 he came home. We had mix of early mornings and later nights and also taking our toddler over there. Think this is generally how they work. They like you to stick to the plan tho. We were chatting so much we didn't go out for the walk with FC and they really didn't like it lol but little guy was fine. Our daughters FC's was much more stick to plan exactly but our sons was oh we'll just see how it goes. During all this time you are bringing all his things back as well so be prepared and hopefully he won't come with the 22 sleepsuits our son came with!!!! I like proper outfits so he def didn't need sleepsuits during day and certainly didn't need 22 for nights lol. Our little lady had plenty of clothes too. It was hard with her to remember what was from BP's as we had to put that away but she had more because when they were having contact with my son they were still bringing her presents so had to keep all those for her. It is a lovely time but totally exhausting and scary when you first bring him home. I remember even the next day when our toddler woke up I didn't even know what to dress her in lol. I had bought her some new clothes and it didn't feel right putting her in them and even tho the FC's style was quite a bit older fashioned found myself dressing her in those clothes for first few days lol. Our son was easy he just slotted in cus our daughter was being quite difficult at the time bless him. Anyways you will be fine. Good Luck and enjoy!!!


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## AoC

Good luck Pixie!  One note of caution - you might want to resist jumping straight in and doing everything on day one, as that means you don't know what's 'normal' for your LO.  Bug latched onto us straight away and we did everything from the first moment, whenever we were at FCs, but that meant we never witnessed a lot of his basic care, so had no clue what he was used to!  

Great news, Ali.


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## PixieMcG

Wow thank you so much for he info becs and Loki.

Loki I don't know how you managed meetings around both of them no wonder you were exhausted.  We too have a little dog and they have mentioned they would like her out of the house for a few days when we bring him home which I'm unsure about as she might feel she's being punished because of him.  Hope that makes sense. 

That's a good point AoC I will be hoping that day one they show us his routine and then we can work from there. 

Monday can't come quick enough and I'm finding that I am not sleeping right now.


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## Loki Girl

Pixie we were adamant our dog needed to be there due to the fact well they have to get used to it and Loki is a big Labrador lol. It was always the plan she would be here but on the day that our little lady was due to come to ours with FC's they messaged and said they had concerns about her and meeting Loki. We agreed to meet at the back of our house where there is a field we walk Loki in that way Loki who is ball obsessed would be playing and wouldn't worry too mouth about anyone else (she does get very excited when people come to be house and barks a lot!!) so we agreed tho I was a little upset at time they had left it till the morning to say anything so no SW could intervene ir anything but it did work out really well. Little lady loved watching Loki play ball, by end of it she was even throwing the ball for her and Loki is really gentle so everyone was reassured and little lady wasn't phased a bit. Our little man just came straight here and there were no concerns. He loves Loki and quite often he can be found lying on her!!! He also tries to give her kisses all the time which is so cute but equally pretty gross when she licks him to death lol. Was it your SW's who recommended your dog be out of the way? I would def say she needs to be there or why not try suggesting you all go for a walk to begin with so he sees you with the dog? I would imagine it would be worse if he is used to the house then you bring home the dog who is going to of missed you all and the house. I would not have been happy if they had suggested this to us as Loki is our baby lol. Bought after our first miscarriage so she's def my 1st baby lol.


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## Tw1nk82

Hi lovely ladies sorry for being absent for a while hope you all had a lovely christmas and new year.

Today we had a visit from the SW of our LOs little sister. She brought us lots of photos of her and she is such a cutie just like her big bro. We are visiting foster carer next week then panel in Feb.  Intros starting beginning of March.  Im so excited but very anxious at the same time. I will need lots of tips off you Loki as I will have two children under the age of two and I know you have coped fantastic xxx


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## PixieMcG

Loki we were the same we got pixie as we felt our house was just too quiet and we have always loved dogs. We got a small dog that is good natured, hypoallergenic so less likely to cause allergies and she loves kids. 

My niece and nephews have no issues with her at all, she loves to cuddle on the sofa and she too likes to like people's hand and ears ewe I know. 

If my niece and nephew are bothering her and she doesn't want to play she just goes into her bed, it's a little cocoon thing for her. 

I was a bit upset but yes it was my SW that mentioned it.


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## becs40

Pixie I'd say as lo us only 6 months it's totally unnecessary. When we did the 3rd intro day at our house my parents had our dog but that was more because she was nervous around a lot of people and FC and her son were also going to be there for part of the time so we felt it was better for her. She was however at home when we brought lo him on the 4th morning.
Twink I must have missed the sibling news or did I not and I've just forgotten? Lol! Anyway very exciting if a little terrifying! 
I think I said the other day dh had a feeling we may get a call about a sibling soon and it's been on my mind. BM was due to do a contact letter in December and she goes into the office for them to write it for her. We've had one letter back and I was speaking to the letterbox co originator (she runs the adoption stay and play group each month) and said I was surprised we'd had a reply. She said she wasn't surprised and she felt certain she would keep it up. I'm just now wondering if she is pg again and that's why she hasn't gone into the office to do the letter!


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## Loki Girl

Haha not sure bout that statement Tw1nk    I feel sometimes I could do so much better but when you are tired it's not easy. We have had some really rough times with trying to just settle everyone and they are both insanely jealous tho mainly my older one. She really doesn't like little man touching anything and perceives everything to be hers. I prob spend most of my day talking about taking turns, sharing, making her give things back she has taken off him etc BUT then I watch her start crawling around calling his name to encourage him to chase her and they are both killing themselves laughing and I just stand and watch and love the fact there is light at the end of the tunnel, they do get on, little lady has accepted him and this is my family. My main concern is he is starting to copy her and not always good things hahaha. But I love being busy, I love dealing with 2 different sets of needs and sometimes I think how lovely it would be if we had stopped at one   but then I would prob be bored and be wanting another lol. My main advice would be get them napping together and give yourself a break during the day lol. 

We were back at normal activities this week and whereas something like DH going back to work would of upset little lady big time in the past she hasn't been phased at all and think she has relished the 'normalcy' after Xmas. We were at playgroup today and they had such a good time, they both went off and played and I actually sat and had a coffee (usually totally unheard of!!!) they interacted with all the songs and were laughing and clapping. I was nearly crying because I was just enjoying being a Mummy and enjoying the most simplistic activity with my children. I remember thinking back to 6mths ago when I had left the same playgroup and sitting in the car crying but for totally different reasons, my little girl had hated it, she cried the whole time, she was throwing tantrums constantly, all she seemed to do was cry all day, she was hitting me, screaming in my face and I felt the worlds worst mummy. Wow what a difference a few months of hard work makes!!!

Have u spoken to your son about her yet? This was our major downfall and we listened to the SW who said no don't say anything till introductions and think our little lady found it too much as she didn't know what was going on and having Mummy leave her created all sorts of issues which took forever to iron out and deal with a baby as well. This time we don't care what happens we have been talking bout the new baby and when my mom comes back off holiday we will get the Moses basket off her as she is keeping it for us and will put it in our room so we can show them where the baby will be sleeping etc. Hopefully this will help this time!!


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## Tictoc

Loki - I can't believe you were told not to tell her anything! We've been telling the kids all through the assessment process what we are planning to do - only info we haven't given them is that it's LO's sibling - we'll add thAt part when we need to or things look more definite.

Becs - what will you do if you do get that call?

Good luck pixie - it will be hArd for a while but hopefully worth it.


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## becs40

Tictoc we have already decided we would like a sibling. We wouldn't go through it again for just another child and would be happy if it were just little man but if a sibling does happen then we would want to have them also. We always said we wanted two initially but now we would only want to do it for a bio sibling.
Little man has 2 older siblings placed together elsewhere so that is part of the reasoning, I don't want him growing up feeling he's missed out because he has 2 siblings together elsewhere and he's on his own.
BM was pregnant again last year but she lost the baby so I'm not sure whether that will have had any effect on her future choices or not. She is very young but extremely unlikely to change her situation sadly.


----------



## PixieMcG

We would love another sibling but with our BM it's unlikely that will happen. We did discuss a sibling group but because we were younger the SW said she wouldn't recommend it and we could apply again. 

We were told we have to wait until little one is 4 before we can apply again.  Not sure if we will or not yet were just happy to be getting a little blue under 1 year.


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## Tw1nk82

Becs we knew about little mans sibling when we went to panel for him but because birth family moved and it was through another council didnt know if it would happen or not. So happy it is though xxx

Loki my mum bought a little doll and we have been calling her by LO name and he has been feeding it with a bottle and giving her hugs. I have shown him the photos and im going to get them laminated and stick them up so he knows who she is. I dont know what will happen with intros yet as its long distance again but i told them that we would not be leaving our little blue with anyone so he would be coming with us xxx


----------



## Tictoc

Becs - totally understand your decision - we wouldn't be going for another if it wasn't a sibling either. I do love the idea of the 2 being together as my youngest also has 2 older birth siblings who live together. Does mean our little girl is the only one without any birth link but honestly being the only girl she gets so much attention and we just have to make sure that's enough for her as there is no chance of any news on birth siblings there.

Pixie - 4 seems quite old to have to wait for but everything changes so often in the world of adoption so who knows. Anyway I imagine you'll want some time for your little boy to settle first. We initially tried to be approved for siblings (twins) but in the end if took us quite a while to settle our daughter in so we weren't ready to go again as quickly as we would have thought.


----------



## Loki Girl

Well had some good and positive news today regarding no.3. Turns out now mom wants to relinquish it and doesn't want to do contact etc because she doesn't want to go through all that again!!! Brill news for us but do feel sorry for BM and hoping this will be her wake up call and to think about contraception!!! They will ask her again after 6 weeks just because they have to after hormones have settled down etc which I suppose is understandable. So we have everything cleared by panel for us to f2a they just did the panel themselves we didn't have to attend it just needs final signature which will be done the end of this week. I feel better about starting to prepare now I just wasn't sure before. Still don't know sex so just going to buy a few unisex things then can go out shopping once we know. 11 days till due date!!!!! So pleased that we won't have to deal with baby coming and going to contact and trying to explain to ours where baby keeps going and just hoping they don't find anyone who wants baby. Still can't track down father tho SW said all the texts BM has shown her regarding her texting him points to he knows everything and what's happening and still won't get in touch with social services so he's not going to be an issue. The number BM has given them is always switched off so they can't do anymore. Just have to wait and see what court says bout that one. 

The downside news is little lady's dad is contesting the adoption order. Mom isn't contesting either child and neither is little mans dad. I can understand the need to do everything and make it seem like he tried everything but that protective part of me just thinks let her go. You haven't changed so why not let her get on with her life. So we may end up in the position where little man gets his granted but not little lady which I really hope is not the case. SW's said there wont be any question it will hold any bearing but may delay the order been granted for a week or two. Nothing we can do its just upset me a bit that although BM understands BD doesn't. Fingers crossed it doesn't get delayed cus wanted them both to have their celebration hearing together although SW said this could still be the case. 

So feeling very excited bout baby shopping now and need to start preparing little lady. She loves Tellytubbies and there is an episode on there where the little boy is trying to make his baby sister laugh. I approached little lady by asking if she would like a baby come to the house and she said baby and our little boys name. I was like yes he's a baby but what about another baby, a tiny baby and she just kept saying his name lol. SW is going to have a look see if they have any books they can lend us cus haven't found one yet that doesn't talk about a mummy giving birth or breastfeeding lol. Would like to find one on just being a big sister. 

Will keep you all upto date. We will be told when BM goes into labour and when baby is born and then as soon as baby ready to be discharged from hospital it will come home to us


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## Loki Girl

Oh meant to add they talked about funding and what they can do to help and told me I could apply as we will have 3 such little ones to have a cleaner and ironer once a week!!!!!! I was like oh yes please   so they are going to get onto that for me. Have to say can't fault our LA.


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## Tw1nk82

Loki thats a weight lifted off your shoulders on the contact stuff but not so good on little ladies dad. Im sure it will all work out in the end just that things might drag on a bit. It is wonderfull that you can have all three of them together. I dont know what i would do when we have both our two if they say she is pregnant again xxx


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## Tictoc

Really happy to hear your news Loki - sounds like it is all going to be quite straightforward. Cleaner and ironing done makes me quite jealous! Mine are a bit older than yours so not going to have that excuse so looks like I will continue as our cleaner - in fact my daughter announced to me the other day that I was the cleaner for our family!! Charming.

If BD is contesting I can't see any way other than that it will be delayed but even so it shouldn't be a long delay. You never can tell though as there have been plenty of examples of birth parents saying they are going to contest and when it comes to it they don't actually do it.

We've been told our Lo's BM is not planning on contesting in which case he could be legally ours next Thursday - let's see though.


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## PixieMcG

Loki that's great news about no3, I really hope all goes well with the other two being granted. I'm sure it's just something he feels he should do but they would be crazy not to see that they are in the best place and it's better for them to be together.

We had our matching panel and got a unanimous yes so we finally told all of our family and friends.


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## pyjamas

New Birth Certificate arrived today. She really is ours! x


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## becs40

Wow such exciting news day here today! Fabulous news Loki on no.3 and wow to cleaner and ironing! Lovely! Shame about BD contesting but you never know he might not turn up on the actual day! 

Pixie all systems go now! Enjoy this time, I really missed that "sink in and prepare" time.

Fingers crossed for you Tic Toc next week!

Pyjamas that choked me up reading that remembering that feeling when little mans arrived - aptly on the day of his celebration party! Huge huge congratulations.

Exciting day here in non adoption terms as had a box of stock turn up to view of one of the manufacturers I'm going to be stocking, their Autumn/winter collection for this year! Going to be selling organic cotton baby clothing online. 0-3 years. Have 4 manufacturers lined up and my first stock should be here this month for Spring this year. Terrified the website us going to look a bit rubbish as have been quite conservative with stock initially. The manufacturer that I viewed Autumn/Winter collection of today I think will become my main range and I'll be ordering a lot of that. Going down to London for a trade show to see the other manufacturers collections in 31st. Drawback to that is dh has wriggled out of coming so that my Mum can come instead! Marvellous!


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## Ozzycat

Hey lovely ladies loving all this good news.
Congrats Pixie have fun shopping 
Pyjamas that must be so amazing to see the birth certificate, I can't wait x
Loki. .. Wow 3... there are days I want to run away and hide with just 1!
Good luck Becs with ur new venture x

Just thought I'd add to the run of good news... Weve got our adoption hearing on the 28th Jan and just been told BP arnt going to contest the adoption... I still can't believe how lucky we are to have such an amazing little girl 😍 
And on  Monday we go on our first family holiday. . Centre parcs whoop whoop soooo excited x
Keep the good news coming 💕💕


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## becs40

Ooh fab news Ozzy! Enjoy centre parcs! We're braving it again in March with my mum and dad! Hoping it will be better this time now little man is older and just 1 nap a day and walking etc!


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## Tictoc

which centreparcs ozzy? my kids love them and when you have no passport for LO its a great UK break.

just a tip but when you get to school ages and the prices of centreparcs in the UK are ridiculous have a look at europe - we have booked a 3 bed cabin in centreparcs holland for the May half terms for the full 7 nights for just over £400. Its almost £2000 for the same here.


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## PixieMcG

Wow so much good news. 

We went straight to the shop and ordered a pushchair and car seat.


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## ciacox

Congrats everyone! Been a good day on planet adoption today by the looks of it. Delighted that you are shopping and sharing the news Pixie! How was the panel? Ours is on Weds and I'm looking forward to having it behind me. In the midst of editing a little video for LO of his forever home!


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## becs40

So what did you get then Pixie

TicToc we're off to Woburn in March and we did Whinfell last June. We're going to go out one day whilst we're there to Woburn safari park as well which should be great.

Ciacox good luck for weds! So pleased we didn't have to do a video. I hate the sound of my voice so it was bad enough just recording a couple of words on the butterfly album!


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## Ozzycat

Good luck ciacox x
We're off to woburn... 40 mins up the road.. it will be the first time munchkin has slept outside her room so fingers crossed, well just have to wear her out!
Just so excited for proper family time x


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## becs40

Ooh Ozzy we're 40 mins from Woburn too! We're doing mon-fri this time hence us affording some time out for the safari park! How old is lo now? Little man was a couple of weeks before his first birthday when we went last year. He'll be 21.5 months this time when we go. Is she going to be in with you or gave her own room? Little man was in with us last time and none of us slept! This time he's got his own room, still dreading it though! I guess worst case scenario we can drive home each night lol!


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## Forgetmenot

Wow some lovely and exciting news on here! Brilliant xx

For those sleeping away from home, the first night lo ever slept through he was in a travel cot and away from home.  I sat bolt right up in bed about 6ish and went to my hubby 'beep, what's happened to the baby!' Natural,y I thought he had died, and woke him, he was fine!! So don't panic lol xx

We have had a very special weekend, with little man turning one, loved every minute of it, so much more chilled and enjoyable than the pressures of Xmas!!  Mummy to a one year old, where did those six months go?!


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## Ozzycat

Ah happy birthday mini FMN... it's so amazing to celebrate their 1st birthday x
Munchkin is 14 months and yes definitely got her her own room... me and hubby need to catch up on grown up time 😉


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## Loki Girl

Ooh we have been thinking centre parks maybe this year too. Is it mainly swimming for the toddlers or do they have other stuff going on? Anyone take a dog with them? We liked idea of Woburn and going to safari park too so would be interested in hearing your views when u get back. Becs is it an adjoining room you will be having for your little man? What kind of set up do they have in terms of beds and sleeping etc. 

FMN - glad your little one had a fantastic birthday which he would with a fantastic mummy planning it. I know I can't believe our little lady has been home 7mths already!!!

Our little man still up in night tho last night I gave in and gave him a bottle and put him back and he played for about 10mins then went to sleep!!! He drained the bottle but he eats so much during the day and drinks 6-8oz before bed surely he doesn't need another 6oz at 1am!!!! Or maybe he does cus he drained it and then woke up at 8.15 and has had another 8oz and will now have his breakfast   Can you over feed? Does he really need it?  The night before we hadn't given him it but after an hour of screaming I gave in and gave it him and then he went to sleep!!!! Just worry he is having too much or can he have too much at this age? Was lovely to have him not moan constantly for 2hrs tho even tho I couldn't get back to sleep lol. I am with you Beca no way could we bring little man in with us he knows we are trying to get to sleep and will have none of it lol. 

Ciocox good luck for Wed which you won't need you will sail through then the hint will be on for your little ones - woo hoo xx


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## becs40

Haha FMN that was NOT our experience  . We had 3 nights of zero sleep, it wasn't good! Happy Birthday mini FMN! It really does go so fast! It was a year ago last Saturday that we were at matching panel with little man and it really seems no time at all since we were panicking about him being good and quiet during our panel! 

Loki our experience with little man last year was disappointing because there were a few more activities for lo's but only during the week! So as we went fri- mon there wasn't really anything. Added to the fact he wasn't walking and having 2 naps a day we were finding the pool only opened just as he was going for his first nap. So there was nothing we could do before his nap, then it was nearly lunchtime and then we had a couple of hours before afternoon nap. So you get the picture! This time if he's still in this routine he will sleep most the morning but then we'll have the rest of the day free. He'll be able to enjoy the walks around there too this time, he also got a balance bike for Christmas so hoping by March he'll be using that and we can take it with us. There's also playgrounds too and a little "beach" so whilst not endless amounts for lo's certainly more than we'd have at home. Really recommend the photo shoot though! We have some incredible pictures and I hate having my picture taken but we loved them! You get one free picture included then you can buy additional at any point in the future and they don't pressurise you. Not cheap for additional ones. I think we spent something like £250 on additional digital images (about 10 pics I think!) but we'd waited so long for our family it was so worthwhile to finally be able to have some awesome family photos up in the house! Have a look on the website as it shows you floor plans of the villas. We didn't take our dog last year but mum and dad are bringing theirs this time - deep joy! He's a lovely little dog but has been made totally neurotic and can't be trusted around little man so that's going to be fun!
Loki maybe little man is having a growth spurt? Little man had a big growth spurt around 10 months and we gave him a bottle during the night then. Just for a couple of weeks and gradually reduce it and increased his bedtime one. He now has 9oz at bedtime.
Ozzy   there'll be none of that with us as we're going with my parents!b


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## Tw1nk82

Good luck tomorrow ciocox xx

Happy birthday little fmn xx

Center parcs is so the place to go. We went with little man in november for the winter wonderland and have decided it will be our tradition now. 

Well we are off to visit our little pinks foster carer tomorrow. Cannot wait for her to be brought to life. That was my favourite part last time as they just seem so real after that xx


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## Tictoc

We've just had a weekend away with ours and brought our travel cot with all his normal sleeping stuff for familiarity but despite this is refused to go down for any naps and screamed like he was being tortured. By bedtime he was so exhausted though and slept through waking only an hour earlier than normal so good luck for nights away everyone.

Good luck for panel tomorrow


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## Cbelle1

Hi all!

It might be happening!! We've had an email about a blue and pink sibling group, they haven't had po yet but it should be granted shortly. For those that knew about little ones before po, how long after did you start intros? 

Belle
X


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## Tictoc

Hi - congratulations.

Our SW had us in mind for an internal child so whilst we didn't know about him before PO she did. After PO is granted there is a legal timeframe during which child is not allowed to move - I think it's 21 days but someone can probably confirm. Our LO moved in shortly after that 21 days but only because we agree to foster to adopt until we could get to matching panel a couple of weeks later. If you follow the normal process I guess it could be as quick as 6 weeks but depends on your LA really.

Good luck with everything


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## Ozzycat

Great news cBelle... ours happened very quickly after PO was granted probably about 5-6 weeks before intros... u can ask the children's SW when u meet her she'll be able to give a time frame.. good luck and keep us posted 😚


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## becs40

Hi chelle,
We knew about our lo Aug 2014 and po was issued Dec 2014, we were allowed to do foster to adopt with him because of Christmas causing additional delays for matching panel. So our intros started the day after po! Sw asked yo start them same day but we did need at least an afternoon to sort things out!


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## Tictoc

Becs that's interesting - our SW seemed to think you couldn't move immediately after PO but obviously there is a way!

Cbelle - hope it goes quickly for you - so much good news lately


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## becs40

It's because it's classed as a fostering move so there's nothing to stop that as they can be done at any time. I believe the 21 days is the time allowed for bp's to appeal as once placement is made they can no longer do that. So I guess if that 21 day ruling weren't in place then sw's would move fast to get lo's placed ASAP to stop appeals going ahead.
It's not something they would automatically do and I think our la went with it because we'd already been talking about doing fta with little man before po but they kept delaying. The other factor was the po was issued less than 2 weeks before Xmas, their January matching panel was already full so it would have meant panel late Feb with intros prob not until early March. We were all agreed that it was in his best interests to move at 6 months and not delay until 9 months for the sake of paperwork. Nice to have them onside for that one but I do think it was because we were pushing very hard for it and they'd already messed us around quite a lot so there was an element of them trying to keep us on side.


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## PixieMcG

Sorry guys was awol today.  We bought an off-road pushchair because we do a lot of walking with our dog. My husband chose it, Jane Crosswalk it's called in cloud colour. 

Our panel in the end we were asked not to attend as we had gone through a few meetings with both social workers before hand. I'm guessing we were different from others.

We got a call last night to say our little blue has chicken pox and he's only 6 months which is such a shame. 

We have a caravan, lodge type holiday home so we're planning on taking out little one away a few weekends while I'm off on leave and get him used to it early on but I guess that may change depending on how he settles.


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## becs40

I have the Jane trider! Love it! Don't understand why they're not more popular as they're brilliant.
Great idea about your holiday home too. Much easier when they're younger, we were a bit daft in not staying over at my parents more when he was very young. It might have made the difference.
Poor little guy with chicken pox! Hope it's not too bad for him. I didn't get it until I was 19 and only ever got 4 spots I think! 
Pixie have you thought about using a carrier also? I have to say since buying our new one when little man was 15 months old I can count on one had the number of times we've used the buggy! It was also a godsend for a 3 hour trip to a & e when he just wanted to be held so pushchair wouldn't have been any good and he's way to heavy to carry for more than about 15 minutes if he's not in the carrier.


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## Mumanddad

Great news Belle fingers crossed this is the match you've been waiting for, how old are Los?


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## Loki Girl

Fingers crossed these are your little ones Belle. Exciting times!!

Thanks for info on centre parks def going to look into it. We have never slept away from home. I won't even put little lady upto bed at my mother in laws even tho she seems to be on a mission to mention it every single time we go!!! I'm not sure what the obsession is just cus her other grandchildren do but slightly different circumstances. We only live 45mins away so no need to stay over. I did put little man up in the travel cot there once cus he was so tired he fell asleep in my arms. Didn't last long tho lol. Think we have had enough trouble sorting out out little ladies sleeping habits that I am not about to ruin it on account of pleasing my mother in law. She keeps saying well you will never be able to go away on holiday if you don't do it. I am like um well difference is if we are on holiday and in same room and she wakes up we are there. If she wakes up at your house and we are not there could quite easily set her back. I know what changes in routine does to her and just not worth risking in sake of pleasing mother in law!!! New baby will be different we are planning to leave it with family etc and maybe put it to bed at parents house so we don't have these issues. Also had the delight of my own mother telling me I had ruined my children by being with them all the time   They have just come off month holiday and I was giving her update on baby and saying they are looking to see if they can find me a cleaner because I can't do much with these 2 they do demand my attention even if I try and sit with a paper which is slightly annoying but have always felt you can't spoil a child with your time. Sooner or later they will be glued in front of tv or video games so didn't really appreciate her comments. Told her well we had to be here for them to reassure them etc when they first came and think our daughter needs a lot of reassurance which my
Mom doesn't quite understand. But hey ho lol

On a really good note we slept through all night!!!!! Woo hoo. All the way from 7pm till 7.40am for little man and till 7.30 for little lady. And they woke up really happy   The only difference I made was giving little man a bottle in the afternoon (thinking of what you said and growth spurt Becs) so he had 6oz when got up from his nap and his usual before bed and he never woke in night. Prob a one off lol but going to try same today. Have a lovely day ladies xx


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## Cbelle1

Mumanddad- blue is 2.5 years and pink is 14mths and for once our sw is being quite on the ball, but I think the manager is pushing her a bit!

Any updates from your end?

X


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## Mumanddad

What a lovely age, glad to hear sw is finally on the ball maybe a nudge from above is what was needed. I met our new sw yesterday seems very nice, we are visiting lo twice a week for 2 hours. The judge was back from a month long break on Monday so we are just waiting for the transcript to be signed off by her and sent on yo the high court judge. X x x


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## becs40

Loki I think you're absolutely right. Even I don't want to leave little man with my parents overnight yet even though he sees them most days. He's slept over there but with us staying as well just to try and get him used to sleeping elsewhere. Hoping we'll be able to leave him for a night next April (2017) with my brother though. He'll be older then and loves my brother and his cousins! We do need to go and stay with them a couple of times before that though. The hotel we stayed at on our honeymoon is 1/2 hour from them and it'll be our 10th anniversary so want to go back for a night - fabulous place with truly amazing food! 
Great news on sleeping! We also did 12 hours last night! 6.15-6.15!  
I was thinking more about centre parcs and thinking he's going to be so active whilst we're there as we'll be swimming every day maybe a couple of times a day, loads of running around the woods and the playground etc and hopefully using his bike so hoping with all of that going on he'll sleep like a log lol!


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## ciacox

Hey Folks! Green light from matching panel today so it's official! Intros start Jan 29th, with moving day planed for Feb 8th/9th. Panel was lovely in the end. Very warm and positive and no tricky questions. Got to say, it's lovely to be able to tag team with your partner when you're on the spot. Wish I could bring him to job interviews! FC came afterwards and we gave her LOs bear, butterfly book, and DVD. She texted us with pics of him playing with his book which was so sweet to see. Very, very real now. 16 sleeps!

Congrats on your link Cbelle. How exciting and such lovely ages. You'll have your hands full! Hoping things continue to run smoothly.

Loving reading about all the holiday plans. Depending on how LO is we're thinking of going away to a chalet near the seaside in the summer. It'll be in the same town as in laws but without the stress of us all cramming into their flat and with the option of having space just as a family at times. Loki, I can just hear my mum making that comment to me in a few months time. I think people really don't get the special need for routine and security of adopted kids, and sometimes they just don't want to get it. Congrats on the sleeping! I actually had a read back on your posts recently because I remembered your little girl was about the same age as our boy will be at placement. I remembered that there were some challenging times at the start and it was good to read your posts and the replies you got to prepare me for the possibility that we will have a similar experience. It was lovely to read through the posts and see how things have improved over time, no doubt with you  understanding just what your little girl needed. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job to me.


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## Loki Girl

Aaah Ciocox - congratulations!!!! It's such an amazing feeling isn't it? I can remember vividly handing over little lady's DVD and pictures. Can't believe that was 7mths ago!!!! I really hope your little guy settles in well. Yes we had some problems and unfortunately it escalated again when little man came home so prob felt like it went on for a lot longer than it would of if it had only been her. But I was only saying to DH tonight as we just read her story came down stairs and there wasn't a a peep out of her just how far we have all come. I don't think we get it right all the time and I do shout I will guiltily admit tho really been trying not too lately but sometimes when she is lying on top of little man and he's crying and she's laughing and not listening to me to get off him it's hard lol. We have a lot of conversations about how if someone is crying it means they are sad and you should stop not just carry on laughing   But she is the absolute light of my life and she can be so adorable and so frustratingly loud I wish she had a volume button hahaha. It's hard especially as they are at that age when they are coming upto the terrible twos and you are wondering what is normal and what is settling in and think I struggled with that the most but you do what you do and eventually it all comes together. Such exciting times ahead. Not long till your intros. It is just the most amazing surreal thing when you arrive and the foster carer's start talking about mummy and daddy. When she said that to me I was half looking round looking for Mummy   

Just praying no.3 doesn't upset things too much. We have been talking about the baby and I have found an Usbourne sticker book about a new baby coming. We have the full set of Apple Tree farm books which little lady enjoys as bedtime stories and she absolutely loves stickers and is the only thing besides reading books that she will sit down for ages for and be quiet lol so thought that would be a good buy. Also found a big sister book on Amazon so hope that is suitable for her.


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## Singing lass

Evening ladies!  Hope you don't mind me dropping in with news - I read regularly but rarely post and have felt a lot of support through these boards  

We had our Adoption hearing today - 3 mins in court and all done - hurrah!  LO is currently sleeping in his new big boy bed - only ten minutes of confusion over the new situation before he conked out.

Ciabelle - think your LO will be similar age ours was when he comes home (just turned 16 months?) - you're in for a fab time!  Time will fly to intros!

Xx


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## becs40

Ciacox fab news! Enjoy your preparation!

Singing lass huge congrats! It's such an amazing day! I think ours was only topped by the arrival of his new birth certificate on the morning of his celebration party!


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## Mumanddad

Great news ciacox intros will start in no time, make the most of your last few full sleeps lol


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## Primmer

Ciacox - great news, not long now till you meet your lo


Well it's all starting to feel real for us now, we were linked to 5yr old boy in December and we have now found out we are going to matching panel on 4 Feb and introductions will start on 15 Feb lasting 10/14 days. We are meeting foster carer and school teacher on 26 Jan and medical adviser on 2 Feb so it's all happening quickly after such a long wait to get here!


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## liveinhope

Primmer that's fantastic news, so pleased for you


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## becs40

Ah Primmer brilliant news! January really is a good news month on here! Let's hope it continues for a long time!


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## AoC

Congrats Ciacox!!!  Wonderful times ahead.  

That's great news, Singing Lass!

We've heard that a SW for a potential link wants to come and see us and is keen.... Yay!    But she's leaving and now we have to wait for a new SW.  Boo.  

Ups and downs...


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## Mumanddad

Great news aoc exciting times


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## AoC

Oh I DO hope so.    We could do with a bit of something to keep us going.

Hope you're getting lots of somethings to keep YOU going.


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## Primmer

AOC - hope you hear more soon, does sound positive though


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## Kaytie

Lovely news AoC got my fingers crossed for your little bit of something hun. Hang in there xx


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## Forgetmenot

Fingers crossed ladies X hope there is so good news soon xx


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## PixieMcG

Exciting times so much good news.

We picked up our pushchair and finished the baby room. 

Just need to have our planning meeting so that we know his routine etc


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## Primmer

Pixie - how exciting, when's your planning meeting? 

We are off to IKEA today to look for a bed and bedroom furniture. We are due to go to panel on 4 Feb but thought we would try to get room ready in advance so that we have photos/video to give to his SW to pass to foster carer after panel. 

As our boy will be 5 we thought about doing a photo scrapbook of us and the house and may be a short video of us. Does anyone have any tips?


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## ciacox

Hi Primmer - we made a video just using the movie maker software on my laptop.  Was actually quite easy and fun to make. Finished product is highly embarrassing (we look like cbeebies presenters on speed) but I have heard people say that little ones really engaging with seeing their new family and home through a movie. The teddy we gave him at matching panel stars in all the scenes (sitting in his high chair,  tucked up in bed, etc). We did a voice over using his name so he might get the sense that this is a movie for him specifically, eg. "Look X, it's mummy running your bath". Enjoy! 

We're in Dublin enjoying a last wknd away as a twosome. Has been so lovely and relaxing. When I'm at home at the moment all I can do is think about things we need to do/buy before intros start.


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## PixieMcG

Primer not sure our blue is really young so they haven't asked us for anything like a video or scrap book.

Our planning meeting isn't until the 28th of this month.


----------



## Loki Girl

Primmer - fab news. We did a video for our little lady. Just set our camera up on a tripod and filmed us in different rooms. Find out what your little boy really likes. We were told to include food she likes and mummy preparing it then when the foster carer's had the video they said oh she doesn't like grapes anymore   Luckily at 18mths don't think she was none the wiser lol. The photos worked well as when we met her for first time you could see her little face looking at photos then looking at us as if to say you are real lol. We didn't have to do a scrapbook just a video and laminated photos. But if you find out what he likes you could maybe get stickers or cut out of his favourite characters and stick them in his book. We saw one on our prep course and it was just things like you, your family, the house, his bedroom, any pets etc or places you like to go - maybe the local park where he can play etc. Exciting times. 

Ciacox your video sounds lovely. Enjoy your last few days as a couple. Soon it will be thinking of what your little one needs and working round naps and schedules etc and taking out a suitcase everytime you want to go anywhere     Fun times ahead lol. 

AoC hope you aren't get kept too long waiting to hear bout your potential new little one xx

Pixie - won't be long and you will have your little one home and enjoying his room!!!

Well we are possibly into our last few days as a family of 4 lol. Baby due Fri!!! Allowed myself to do some shopping yesterday so feel a bit better we are bit more prepared lol. Still need to get blankets and a new mattress for a Moses basket we have been given. LA is reimbursing us for the essentials as an adoption settling in grant but if there is some reason we don't keep baby then we will have to give them those things. Clothes etc come out of our fostering allowance so just things like the bottles and steriliser and bedding etc. It's hard cus if you were pregnant you would have an estimate size the baby will be but we know nothing so have just had to go on what our 2 little ones weights were which were both 7lb and have bought the newborn size. Not many as know they won't be in them long. Didn't want to buy too much neutral stuff lol so went with some white Winnie the Pooh stuff from Asda. Also bought a new baby book week by week   I realised all the stuff the midwife prob explains or you learn at antenatal we haven't had. Didn't even know what happens with the cord stump or how much baby will eat etc. Book to the rescue and now feel a bit more ready and prepared lol. Have been talking lots to little lady about baby coming tho worryingly she keeps talking about a little sister lol. Have tried to explain to her it might be a brother but then she just says our little boys name so think in her little mind she's like well I have a brother so don't need another one    I have panicked moments when I think how am I going to cope. How will I get them all out the door as we are out a lot due to the clingyness of my 2 lol but then I think I will suss it all out while DH home then will find a way and just get on with it.

So now with only 5 days to go just waiting on a phone call lol. 

Hope you all had a fab weekend. It certainly sounds like things are moving for a lot of you at the mo which is a great start to the new year


----------



## Tictoc

Loki - I think you're right and once he / she is here you will just find a way to make it work. So exciting and strange waiting for the birth. My sister just gave birth a few days ago and as she lives just around the corner I've been there quite a bit - is weird not knowing whether our Lo's sibling who is only a few weeks older is being well looked after or if he will be with us soon. Funny you mentioned the belly button - I just changed my nieces nappy and had completely forgotten about that - it's pretty gross!

I'm sure you can switch over to another board for new born baby advice if you need it but I'm sure you'll be fine.


----------



## Forgetmenot

How long was it from submitting court papers until had a letter advising of first hearing?

Wondered if should call but they will probably let the social know I am being a pain in the butt!!


----------



## Ozzycat

Hi FMN think it was about 7 weeks for us x


----------



## Loki Girl

FMN - When did u submit them? I can't remember exact date but ours went about 3rd week of Nov I would say and we had letter on 8th Dec asking us to confirm and when hearing was. So prob only couple of weeks. It told us when social workers has to have their paperwork done by which was bout now and what date of birth parents wanted to contest. Are u due any meetings with your SW? Worth an ask cus think yours went in awhile ago didn't it? We just had another letter stating if birth parents want to contest they have till 6th Feb so not sure why we had that sent again. 

We had health.visitor yesterday for little lady 2yr check up. She is lovely and its nice I am able to ask her about my concerns etc. Little lady is way above for speech and communication etc but bit down on gross motor skills but considering she didn't walk till 22mths HV had no concerns about the fact she can't jump lol. I mentioned my concerns about her little obsessions and how if you show her one way of doing something it always has to be that way or that we have tantrums about something not being 'right' like DH taking his coat off in car because he got in the car with it on!!! Obviously worry of autism etc cus of background but HV said there is nothing that for now would put her on the autism spectrum. She said it is worth monitoring and could be down to her background and changes etc. She is quite insecure so although this would be the last check up she has booked her for a 3yr old one as well just so we can see how things are going. She said if it continues she may benefit from some play therapy but for now she said keep doing what we are doing which is a lot of reassuring and explaining about what's going to happen as this def helps her.  She said she would apply to take on baby as well so at least I can always check with her if still concerned. I talked to her bout little man and his eating and she said he def should not be waking for a bottle in night. Either he is catching up from being ill or it is a habit that we have to break. She weighed him and he was 26lbs and now on 98th percentile!!! No wonder I cant carry him lol. She has advised to cut his milk down so we have taken out the afternoon bottle and reduced his night one. Last night he woke at 1am and I gave him 4oz just to settle him and he went back good as gold after 10mins. HV said try water as he will soon not wake up when he realises there is no milk but I would like to go down reducing first for peace especially with baby imminent lol. We know he can scream for 2hrs with no bottle so if it means just giving him a couple of Oz and reducing his morning bottle accordingly I'd be ok with that for now.


----------



## liveinhope

We submitted our application on 2nd December, court sent out dates for filing etc on 15th December.  Birth mum to notify court by 25th Jan if she is going to contest and 1st hearing is 8th February.  we are so close now.  Just want next Monday out the way so we know what birth mum intends to do.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks guys ours went in week before Xmas, so hoping I should have heard. Was thinking of calling but don't want to be impatient!!

Loki little man is 25lb weighed him on the vets scales yesterday lol

We are down to two bottles now.  We miss our afternoon one   They grow up too soon xx


----------



## becs40

FMN and Loki you'll be pleased to know the weight increase slows down dramatically now! Little man was 22lb at 6 months and is now 31lb at 19 months!
Loki we did exactly that with the bottles, gave a small one during the night then reduced in the morning. Pretty sure it stopped within a couple of weeks.
FMN I guess ours took about 3 weeks to hear about the court date. May be a delay and back log from the courts closing over Xmas, I think they normally close for 2 weeks! 
Little man is doing so well with his walking now, we go out everyday for a walk around the village and yesterday morning we went over to my parents to go out for a walk with granddad and their dog. He did really well and walked just over a mile.
His next pair of shoes arrived today! Can't believe he's a size 6!


----------



## Forgetmenot

That's good Becs!
Pleased he doesn't have to go to baby fat fighters now as didn't cross another centiles!!
Phew X
He's so much more active but not first steps yet, only with the walker!!
Is it appropriate for me to phone and chase?
Just want to know how much longer the next wait will be, just want my boy to be officially mine forever and a day xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Is he tall Becs?


----------



## ciacox

Hi lovelies - good to ready how you're all doing. Just popping on for a quick one as was reading Loki's post re autism worries. I work in that field and in my view a lot of children/adults with trauma histories are misdiagnosed with ASD. Not to say she definitely isn't, but I think there's a lot of overdiagnosis out there. Not sure if you've ever seen this, but it's a helpful breakdown of how to tell the difference between ASD and attachment difficulties in children. Written for clinicians but fairly parent friendly too: http://www.aettraininghubs.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/5.4-Moran-paper-attachment.pdf 
The table's at the end.


----------



## Loki Girl

Ciocox - thank you very much for the link. Very interesting reading. I don't think she has autism at all but with her history I think I will prob be looking for signs in these early years. She is def extremely engaging and very loveable and very free with her hugs and kisses. She plays really well with her 3 and 8yr old cousins and loves seeing them so socially I think she's fine. Her language is unbelievable for her age and she repeats everything you say and you can have whole conversations with her which is really good for a 2yr old. My concerns is she is really loud all the time lol, she can lose it over simple things like her brother touching her water bottle etc (tho this could be quite normal for a 2yr old lol), she is a lot better with change to routine than she was so we can go out and stay out later and skip bits of the bedtime routine and she's fine with that but it's other things like if you play a game and there could be different ways of playing it she only wants to do it the way you showed her 1st. For example she was playing with pegs the other day. I jokingly pegged a blue one on Daddy, a pink one on me, a white one on little brother and a green one on her. She took them all off and put them in her box then wanted me to do it again. After a few times I put a different colour peg on Daddy and this caused an outrage because Daddy was supposed to have the blue one. If someone comes she can sit with her head buried in me for the 1st 15mins before she starts to come round then she's absolutely fine. This is where I started to realise that talking to her before people came (especially social workers) really made a difference and she almost seemed more comfortable then. I was a nanny for 25yrs so have a lot of experience with toddlers and think this is where I am picking up that I have never come across some of these things that she does before. But at least if there are issues we have things in place that will be able to help her. I am trying to stay more calm with her and remind her to use quieter indoor voices rather then shouting and sometimes it's really hard cus she is very strong willed and def knows how to push buttons lol. Throwing is a major issue and it doesn't seem to matter how many times she gets told we still throw things we don't want!! Unfortunately now little man is picking up on the shouting and throwing!!!! Great lol. But anyways fascinating reading and really helped thank you


----------



## Tictoc

FMN - our application went into court end Nov, I chased up but was told they could not update me, anyway we got a letter from court first week in January and fist hearing is this Thursday. It now seems BM is thinking about contesting so I am stressing out big time. She is currently in a mother and baby unit with her latest and I am going through all the scenarios such as what if she is doing well with this baby then why wouldn't judge consider that her parenting skills have improved so she should be allowed to appeal. It's ridiculous as the PO was only granted in August but anything is possible.

Anyway I was going to advice of timescales for us (central London courts) not try to scare everyone without AO yet.


----------



## becs40

FMN he's tall as well. He's 87.2cm when he was measured at 18 months.

Loki - urgh the throwing! I have o say I did a bit of reading on this and they said it's perfectly normal and you can't teach them not to do it so teach them what they can and can't throw instead! I went straight out and bought a soft leather ball and now as soon as he throws something I take it from him and say we don't throw this but if you want to throw something you can throw the ball and offer him that. It's made a huge difference. Still have a few occasions but generally doesn't escalate beyond the first "incorrect" item now! I've also just ordered some mini beanbags off amazon to do the same with and make up some throwing games.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Gosh tictoc, fingers crossed, she doesn't.

We have no idea if ours will appeal or not, so want the paperwork underway so we have an idea.  I know like you, I will freak.  The thought of loosing these babies now (irrational head on) is too much.  In reality, more waiting, more grief (sensible head) and we'lol get there in time.  Just want it done!!

Then to start thinking about number two lol, well the dreaded process!!

He is tall becs!

Loki, how you feeling? Can't believe due date Friday..... Crazy, exciting days!!


----------



## AoC

Ciacox, I love you.  That paper is brilliant.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Does stuff from the court come as signed for? Or normal post x


----------



## Loki Girl

Normal post for us FMN


----------



## Forgetmenot

Ahhh darn it!! Had something and missed post, not expecting anything signed for so thought, this could be it!!!


----------



## Loki Girl

Well u never know they may of sent yours signed for xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Have to wait till tomorrow now! Annoying.


----------



## Wendy Dee

Ours were signed for!


----------



## PixieMcG

Wow I missed a lot sorry for not adding too many personals.

FMN hope it is your papers. We finally spoke to an adoption lawyer in preparation for introductions next week.  We're still waiting on minutes being signed off. SW was hoping that would be today but no news so far.

Loki sounds like your doing amazing coping with such a huge expansion of your family. 

We had a meeting yesterday with our SW to discuss the meeting scheduled for next week with the BM. Post this meeting they will ask the BM to sign some legal papers to transfer responsibility. 

FC are coming out on Monday to see our house and have a chat with us. Hopefully that goes well and we can start intros on Friday. SW mentioned that the team leaders were pushing for Monday to Friday intros but she doesn't want to delay over the weekend. I hope she gets her way I mean we are already later than planned and I finish work this Friday.


----------



## ciacox

Hey Pixie - looks like we are on exact same timescales now. I finish on Friday and our intros are planned to start Fri next week. Why are you seeing an adoption lawyer? Is it around particular circumstances or have you just been advised to do this? Sorry if I missed something x


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## PixieMcG

Ours is different yes we don't get covered by the SW dept. Ours is a relinquished baby where you need to manage court proceedings and pay for them.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Finally a court date..... Arghhhhh!!


----------



## liveinhope

great news FMN


----------



## Loki Girl

Yay FMN it will soon be all done and he will be all yours xxx


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## becs40

Ah FMN fab news! All down to pesky Christmas getting in the way! May the time pass speedily for you!


----------



## Tw1nk82

Yey finally fmn xx


----------



## Primmer

Great news FMN


----------



## Forgetmenot

Here's hoping no appeals!!

Starting to think this all might be over soon, until the next one!! Xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Got our first Stage 2 meeting tomorrow, looking forward to it now we have a SW we get on with. 
Downside is hubby has lost his voice so looks like I am going to do all the talking...!

Ali x


----------



## Loki Girl

Good luck Ali. Stage 2 is when all the fun starts hahaha. You should get DH to scribble down some thoughts lol so you don't have to do all the talking


----------



## rosex86

Hi Ladies,

We finally got our ADM Yes today!! woohoo. 

We are meeting our little man tomorrow and then 7 days of intros with a view to him coming home next Friday if all feel he is doing ok!!!! xx


----------



## Tictoc

Good luck alig - if it makes you feel any better I did all the talking in all our meetings anyway. 😆

We also had to fight really hard for approval first time around. We were told if we went to panel we wouldn't get approved, we went anyway without SW got approved, they withdrew approval, then we got approved again. Flipping nightmare but we got there in the end.


----------



## PixieMcG

Fantastic FMN bet you can't wait now. Count down begins.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Definitely!!!mixed feelings in case of appeals and stuff but know just worrying for worrying sake.... I hope!!

Congrats rose, amazing news xx

Good luck ali... Moving forward is a great feeling xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Rose fantastic news. It's all a bit of a whirlwind of emotions but he will soon be home where he belongs. Enjoy X

FMN - not sure the worrying will ever stop lol but will def b easier once you know he is officially yours. We have a few more months of worry with baby arriving first, then the hearing which we are told BF will contest then worry of whether baby is staying. Going to test my sanity to its edges I think lol. Just looking forward to the day when all the children are ours and no more social workers lol

Due date today but no news - come on baby lol


----------



## Forgetmenot

You will be going through the wringer!!

My nerves would be shot, hair grey, but I know, like you, I would do the same, again!!  You can't not!!

I can't believe you will have a teeny tiny weeny baby.... Madness!  But what ever happens they will end up with the best start they could hope for.  I can't believe how Tony they will be, bubs was a baby at 6 months, not so much now.  Time flies xx


----------



## Primmer

Ali - good luck with stage 2 meetings 

Rose - great news, not long till your lo will be home with you.

Loki - hope you hear soon


----------



## AoC

Rose, that's fantastic!  Congrats - exciting times!  

We've heard that there's another couple being considered for the LO we're interested in.  At least it's just one other couple....  I hate the fact that this process has got me to the place where if we're not the only couple, I automatically assume they'll choose the other party....  *smh*


----------



## PixieMcG

AOC we were the same we had a few couples but we were chosen and it's an amazing feeling when you get that call. Fingers crossed for you.


----------



## AoC

Thank you, Pixie.


----------



## ciacox

Everything crossed for you AoC. Are they coming out to see you and the other couple or are they going to choose one of you based on profiles?


----------



## PixieMcG

We have our foster carer meeting today 😀


----------



## Primmer

Pixie - hope your meeting goes well.

We are meeting blues, foster carers and school teacher tomorrow.


----------



## AoC

Thanks Ciacox.    We have no idea!  The LO's SW is leaving, so the case has been handed back to the manager for re-assignment.  :-/  we won't hear anything till the LO has a SW again.  

Exciting Pixie!

Equally exciting Primmer!!!

  Chin up and keep going, ladies.


----------



## Loki Girl

Well completely gutted as we had what could be potentially bad news for us. SW rang to say they had spoken to what could be child no.3's dad and turns out he has a 6yr old son who is cared for by his brother. Obviously now if that man says he will take baby it's game over for us and prob is. They are trying to speak to him today. Can't believe they have just found this out right when baby is due, we are all prepared, have bought stuff and started talking to kids. 

I know you will prob all say I should be greatful for the 2 I have and trust me I absolutely am but that feeling of possibly having a newborn which I know we prob all desperately want was amazing in the short time I thought it could possibly happen. It doesn't take much for the old feelings to resurface of you might have a baby but then there is the negative pregnancy test.  There are still a lot of ifs - if he is the dad (tho mom adamant he is) and if the brother will take the baby but it now puts the risks much higher for us. If baby hasn't made an appearance they are inducing her Thurs so I don't feel there is any time to find out anything. It's horrible that father doesn't want it and mother wants to relinquish it but it can go to the guys brother. Doesn't matter bout the half siblings we have obviously it's proper family. Well nothing we can do we know the courts will give it to him if he wants it so prob need to start looking at taking stuff back   Bet social services won't reimburse us the stuff it told us to buy and they would reimburse us now as it said it would either.


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki don't feel guilty for how you are feeling right now you had prepared for this little one to come to you so your loss is still a loss. Doesn't matter how it happened huni.


----------



## becs40

Ah Loki don't know what to say really. Still too many unknowns at the moment though I think by the sounds of things. Would they continue with fta with you if you were willing as baby will obviously still need to go into care whilst everything is established and assessed etc? 
I guess the first thing to establish is would the brother be willing to take on another child? If the answer is yes then next is to establish that BF is who she says he is.
What advice has sw given so far if any since this news?


----------



## PixieMcG

Thanks ladies the foster meeting went great. They gave us a lot of info about little man. He's huge thought weighing 20lbs at 6 months.


----------



## ciacox

Ouch Loki - so sorry to hear this us happening. Like you said, we probably all have a desire for a newborn which we try and let go of when we take the adoption path. I can just imagine how scary it is to have that desire opened up again only to then look like it could be taken away from you. Keep breathing, hoping this will be resolved soon. Sending loads of love xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Loki I just wanted to send u a big hug x I hope it all works out for u xxxx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Loki hope everything goes ok for you and your family xxx


----------



## dimplesforever

Loki, I think your feelings are perfectly natural.  Take care of yourself and your little family.  I hope that the picture becomes clearer soon


----------



## becs40

Ah Pixie glad it went well. Our little man (not so little!) came home at 6 months and was 22lbs! A real little Bhuda! I've just climbed into bed and still wincing from my arms hurting even lifting the duvet at the end of every day. He's 19 months now and appx 31lbs.
It's lovely but you do suffer for it!


----------



## PixieMcG

Becs I was hoping the weight gain would slow down lol. I think he's tall for his age but I'm not that experienced. He's in 9-12 month clothes already at 6 months so probably won't get much wear out of the clothes people have bought us as they are all 9-12 or 12 months. I think people thought that was a safe bet 😜


----------



## becs40

Yes ours was the same in fact even in some 12-18 at about 7 months! He is very tall as well though and the weight definitely slows right off now. Well the fact he's gained about 10lbs in 13 months shows that. He's comfortably in 2-3 clothing now though although difficult to gauge as we don't buy a lot of high street stuff due to eczema and a big cloth nappy we tend to buy organic cotton clothing that is cut for cloth nappies so is generally bigger than high street brands anyway.


----------



## PixieMcG

Wow that must have been tough to keep on top of clothes. I may have to take some of it back as people have given us gift receipts so I guess could get a bigger size. 

Not looking forward to the achy arms lol actually no I'm just glad he will be in our arms next week x


----------



## Mumanddad

So sorry to hear your news Loki wish I could give you a big hug but I'll send you this instead 
It's not over yet hang on in there, I'll be thinking of you and your family and I hope you hear some news soon x x x x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

We all do have some chunky monkies!!!

Loki, lots of love.  No matter how much we go into these things with our eyes open and risk aware,  we open our hearts and dare to dream, anyone would.  Hang in there and see what happens over the next few days.  All here to listen and share xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Aoc what is your potential link... I missed something along the line x


----------



## Primmer

Loki - completely understandable feelings, sending hugs to you and your family.

Pixie - glad your meeting went well yesterday, when are you due to meet your lo?

We are off to meet foster carers and then his school teacher today and then Tuesday we meet the medical adviser and next Thursday is matching panel day!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Third time lucky primmer! We had lots of false starts and it's hard to get excited, but lots booked in, all positive!
Enjoy the meetings learning about your little one, amazing day ahead X good luck!!


----------



## liveinhope

Have a great day Primmer, very excited for you....xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks for your wishes ladies. It's the reason I love this board as can sound off and at least some of you will understand. I know it's all uncertainty and that's the killer. If there was uncertainty 2mths ago it wouldn't of been so bad but 2 days before baby due doesn't give us anytime to get head round things and decide what to do. If they had known before at least they may of had time to track this guy down and talk to him. Do the courts have the power to find out his address as obviously potential dad doesn't know where he is but we know last heard of in totally different part of country. Obviously they need to find this uncle as dad hasn't seen him in 6yrs or his son then they need to decide who is the father. Does anyone know when they can do a paternity test? As soon as baby born? It's just unfair that they have been trying to track this guy for months and he wouldn't talk to them then he finally decides to tell them this. So they are saying it's all hearsay for now and all social worker said was she would keep us informed so at the moment have no idea if baby will be with us for weekend, whether they will let baby come or whether we want baby to come!!

Will keep u updated and try and be more optimistic which is really hard at mo!!


----------



## PixieMcG

Primer good luck. Can't wait to hear how things went. 

Our matching had been done think we're a little back to front. We're due to meet him on Thursday post our planning meeting and birth family meeting tomorrow.


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki I really feel for you huni.


----------



## ciacox

Now I'm wondering about the size of our LO! He looks average in photos and at his last medical (that we have details of) he was 75th percentile weight and 25th on height. But that was in august. Planning meeting today so will just check. 

3 more sleeps! I am anxious and busy but also feeling overwhelmingly happy to be where I am today. Was reading old journals in a sort out yesterday. Just want to go back to ciacox 2011-2014 and tell her she will be a mummy one day.


----------



## becs40

Ah Ciacox so true!
My ******** time hop app came up with this quote I put on a year ago
"There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because there is so much more to the hook than the page you were stuck on"
Totally summed up how I was feeling a year ago after little man had been with us for just over a month!

Loki you must be in utter turmoil. I would imagine they would be able to do a paternity test immediately as it has such significance. It all sounds very odd that uncle would have the baby yet no one knows where he is!
Hang on in there, if it's meant to be then it will be. Hard I know especially if things don't go to plan now but you never know what the future holds. There may be another lo who is destined to be with you when the time is right if it isn't this one.


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks Becs you always have such sound advice and it always helps me!!! You are right and DH said if this doesn't pan out maybe in a couple of years we can do foster to adopt again or who knows maybe mom will get pregnant again and we will be able to have baby. Our 2 would be a bit older and maybe things would be easier. Starting to feel better and it def makes you realise just how precious our 2 are. Have to admit they are getting very spoilt with hugs and kisses today!! DH has sent an email to our SW and kids SW not sure what he said but one of things he really wanted to do was make sure if they track down the uncle to tell him there is a family with baby's 2 half siblings who want to offer it a home that way he doesn't feel pressured into thinking he has to offer family a home if he doesn't want to. I am feeling more optimistic tho don't want to get hopes up again. Hopefully they can do paternity straight away cus if it turns out to be little ladies dad then we are home and dry. Fingers crossed!!!!


----------



## becs40

Fingers crossed for you Loki. Think dh is right to ensure that sw advises "potential" uncle of the full situation if they track him down.


----------



## Primmer

Meeting with foster carer went well, she gave us tips on things to look out for with blue and behaviours that he might regress to.
We also went to his current school and met his head teacher and school teacher, they were lovely and showed us some of the work he had done and sung his praises which was lovely. They are going to make him a goodbye card to take with him.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Primmer im glad meeting with foster carer and school went well xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Sounds great primmer X nice to have things moving forward X

Any update Loki? 

Little man has his jabs today.... Must say I am a bit apprehensive.

I am also shattered, he still won't sleep through and fights naps.  When he does have a good afternoon nap, he will sleep through til 5 without waking, so he's over tired.  Not sure how to break the cycle!!

A moaning, non moaning mummy, because it's OK, but..... Xxx


----------



## becs40

Have you tried putting him down for naps earlier than normal? Can't remember how old your lo is again but little man went through a big growth spurt around 10-11 months and naps went completely haywire as in he just needed sleep, sleep and more sleep! He was going down for a nap after being up for about 2 hours sometimes less it was ridiculous. 
Sleep is still a battle for us even at 19 months although more often than not he sleeps through but we do still get ridiculously early wake ups! Trying to shift his day a bit so he has a later nap but if he wakes at 5 or earlier he can't go much beyond 9.30am so it's a vicious circle! We've found for sleeping through and later though it invariably happens after a very early bedtime. Sunday he went to bed and was asleep by 6pm but incredibly slept through until 7.30am which us completely unheard of. Then Monday went to bed at 7 but didn't sleep until 7.30 and woke at 4.45am!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Becs, he's up crying now  broken hearted.  He's just so tired but won't give in.  If we go for a drive or walk he will sleep.  He's in bed at 630 at night and goes straight to sleep, waking normally at 3, quick shh shh and he goes back down, then 4 and 5.  We then get up and play and he has his morning milk about 630 and sleeps then for 1-2 hours.  This is it really except in afternoons when out and about.  If he's in the mood and can get him off, 2 hour naps happen after lunch, but he fights these.  When he does this he sleeps through, leading me to think over tired.  Just wish I know best way to tackle xx


----------



## becs40

You're right he's definitely overtired. So from your post he naps at 6.30am for 1-2 hours then nothing until afternoon nap which he's resisting? If so then I would try putting him down for a nap after 2 hours of awake time so he could be having 3 naps a day dependent on their length although wouldn't put down after 3 but would make sure bedtime is nice and early.
It should take him 20 minutes to go from awake to asleep, any more than this then he isn't ready so try 15 minutes later next time, any shorter then he's already too tired so try 15 minutes earlier next time. If he's falling asleep in less than 20 minutes he'll be going straight into a deep sleep which means it will be shorter and when he is going into the next sleep cycle he'll be disorientated and wake up instead of self settling.
He may be coming down with something or having a growth spurt so needing lots more sleep.
It's trial and error really but when overtired I would say try to increase nap frequency until it settles down again.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thanks Becs x just at a loss!! 
He naps in the car or if out in the pram, but nothing regular! And when I can get him to sleep for at least an hour in the afternoon our nights are better.
But he fights it and just cries x sometimes will go off, but can keep the tears going x


----------



## Thepinklady

Fmn, I read an interesting article when I was struggling with our lo's sleep that naps in the car and the pram were not restorative sleeps. After reading around I decided that LO would have two proper sleeps in the cot a day. She had one about 9.30 which was about 45 mins and then around 1pm for abut 1.5 hrs. It did take a while for the routine to establish but was determined. I did have to nurse her over on the rocker in her dark quiet room but I put her in her sleeping bag and made sure she was toasty warm. This certainly helped with her night time sleep. She never did right through but got to the point we had only one to two wakes with her just needing a quick reassurance and then back over. On days that this routine could not be stuck to we noticed s big difference at night. Be persistent!


----------



## PixieMcG

FMN hope you find a routine that works for him soon. 

Primer glad your meeting went well.

Loki hope your feeling better today huni. 

Cioax hope your progressing well too.

Our meeting today with BM went well and she's happy for us to proceed. We have a planning meeting tomorrow and hopefully meet our little blue tomorrow afternoon.  I'm exhausted this week.


----------



## becs40

Yep little man was very similar around 10-11 months everything entire haywire! Couldn't understand why at that age he needed soooo much sleep! It didn't last long though. The trick is to try and get them down before they give you any obvious signs. My little man is pretty good about his nap now and he will sometimes go and find his teddy and go and stand at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me to take him up lol!


----------



## ciacox

Good luck today Pixie. Really glad your meeting with BM went well. I guess in some ways that would be easier in a relinquishment scenario but still very emotional for everyone I'm sure. Looking forward to hearing your updates soon.

Reading all this sleep advice as no doubt we'll need it soon! To be honest, I need it for myself nevermind LO!


----------



## ciacox

Thinking of you too today Loki. Hope that the LO arrives safe and well and that you have some clarity on what's happening xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Pixie hope your planning meeting goes well today and you will be all set to go. 

Ciacox thanks. Really not excited about baby coming now. My protective barriers are well and truely back up and I am at the point where I don't even want to know. Looks like more and more we will not be bringing baby home. They have said hospital may keep baby in to have the paternity test done as that is the crux of it. If it turns out to be our little lady's dad great no probs baby wil come home but if it turns out to be this other guy as hard as it is and how upset I am I have had to go with my head and say no. There is too much risk and by the time they have tracked this uncle down we could of had baby for couple of months and lose it. The way I am feeling before baby even here I know I would be a mess letting it go. So it's bye bye to my ever so short dream of having a baby and it will go to foster care and I will have the embarrassment of taking all the clothes back and packing up the other newborn stuff we had to buy.  If the uncle doesn't want it then we will take it from the placement order but I still would of lost my one and only chance to have a new baby and to have all the bonding done right from the beginning. BM is adamant it's this other guys and even tho DH is saying well she really doesn't have a clue why is she so adamant and I know deep down inside it won't go our way. If it turns out baby goes to foster care and uncle doesn't want it I will be gutted we didn't take the risk but as it stands we can't do it to us or our children. Feel like it's a no win situation all around. It's horrible telling people as well. We hadn't told many and had always said it wasn't a done deal but then it was looking like every bring was going well and had to tell people it prob wasn't happening now. My mum was really upset so that didn't help and we were both shedding a few tears. It's like an IVF grieving prices all over again!!! 

Anyways thanks for all your kind wishes I won't go on as I know it's prob horrible to those still going through the process and I am very conscious of the fact you all think I am just going on about not having a newborn when I have 2 precious little ones anyways. So will let you all know the outcome either way and will then concentrate on trying to get through the contested hearing for our two. 

Hope everyone else doing ok tho x


----------



## ciacox

Hugs. I definitely don't think you are selfish to be upset. Of course you wanted this time. And I think all of us understand that old griefs can so quickly and painfully be uncovered. If you do have to return all the stuff can you ask someone to do it for you? Keep us updated - we're here for you x


----------



## Primmer

Pixie  - hope planning meeting goes ok and you get to meet lo later today. Do let us know how it goes.

Loki - sending hugs to you all x


----------



## AoC

Loki, everything you're feeling is entirely natural.  I'm so sorry this is happening, although there's a way to go yet until you're sure what's going to happen.  I think your current plan is sensible.  Many, many hugs here.  Someone just brought their baby in at work and it made me ache - we'd hoped for a littley this time round, but I don't think that's going to happen in the current adoption climate, and I'm grieving a little for that.  But your position is so much more invested and raw.  

FMN we're being considered (with another family) for a gorgeous 2yo blue, but his SW has left and he's in 'awaiting assignment' limbo.  Which makes me fume for him, let alone for us.  

Wonderful, Primmer!


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki  .
Would you take baby if the uncle says no? I know that may be a month or so down the line but still possible?


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks guys. Yes we would Becs. Not sure if they would take baby out of foster care early and place it with us before the placement order or if we would have to wait till placement order. I tell myself that would be OK as think they would move pretty quick. Our little man got his placement order at 5mths so would still be littley enough to bond and see a lot of firsts!!! My emotions are truely shattered. Gone from being so excited about the birth and wondering what it will be and what she will call it and now I am dreading knowing anything about it!!! Social workers visiting on Mon so that's good. Can get clearer answers face to face I always feel. Our social workers have been brilliant and I know they are doing everything they can. Our kids social worker was apparently at a point where she was going to drive to the different county to camp outside social services till they told her where this uncle is bless her. 

We're hanging in there!!!!


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone Loki I'm so sorry for what ur going through it really sucks. .. I hope it's all sorted quickly x

Just wanted to let you all know our amazing news... I am now a fully fledged mummy to an amazing little girl 😍
The adoption order was granted this morning and our celebration hearing is on the 10th March x
So happy, dreams really do come true x


----------



## Primmer

Ozzy - that's great news, thanks for sharing.


----------



## AoC

That's fantastic, Ozzy!  Congratulations!!!

Loki, hang on in there.  Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself, you're under enormous strain.  ((((hugs))))


----------



## Mumanddad

Congratulations ozzy x x x


----------



## Mumanddad

Loki hang on in there think positive


----------



## liveinhope

great news ozzy


----------



## Loki Girl

Ozzy so fab. Have a great time celebrating. Hopefully that's us soon!!!

Mixed feelings as baby was born today. A little boy. Because mom will have nothing to do with him he is going or went straight into foster care today. Can't believe that could of been my little boy coming home. So now wait is on for the dna tests and to hopefully find this brother soon. I'm not sure why I'm getting so het up bout this but she has called him a really horrible name that I detest. So stands out against our other 2 who have quite plain boring English names. Not sure what I will do if we do end up with him cus def don't want to call him that!!! Would never get anything with his name on or anything. But let's just see if we get him first then I'll worry about the name!!!


----------



## AoC

Oh Loki, I'm so sorry, you must be a mess of emotion right now.  I'm glad the LO is okay.  The name thing probably feels huge now because so much is out of control, but that's something you can deal with later.  ((((((((((massive hugs))))))))))


----------



## becs40

Congrats Ozzy! A wonderful day. It still chokes me reading about AO news as brings it all back to how emotional it was for us. 

Aw Loki, poor wee man. Makes me so angry that not only do they have the crap to deal with of crap parents but it's just made even worse by game playing by them. I really hope they can do the DNA test immediately and also hope it rules this "suspected" father as the father so things can move quickly for him and for you all.
I can only imagine how hard this is for you. 
We're clearing out our spare room at the mo to make it into a home office for dh who is changing jobs and will be home working 3 days a week. We've got all little mans real baby stuff he had toys, clothes, sleeping bags etc in there that we've kept "just in case", also the carrycot that came with his buggy but we never used with him as he was too big. It's all there just waiting!


----------



## Thepinklady

Loki,

I am so sorry for all that you have gone through. I understand the your dissappointment of not having him as new born. As you know I am an true advocate of concurrent care because of the long term good for the LO if placed at birth or close to birth. Your disappointment is not about having this LO as a new born but it is about not being able to get the early permanency which rarely comes along for these children. You were right to want it for your family and this LO. You are right to grieve and be disappointed. I think your decision not to take the LO until things are much clearer is totally right for your two. Stand by your guns. I would say there does seem to be a lot of ifs and buts with his brother and even if he is the uncle and expresses an interest from our own case we have learnt that it may not be deemed in best interest for the child. A kinship care is usually so that the child still has links to their birth parents, in this case it would seem that those links would be rather tenuous so they may decide that it is not the most appropriate placement. Keep strong and try to reach a point of accepting you can do nothing to change the situation and believe that the best for the LO will happen.

Hugs and thoughts.


----------



## PixieMcG

Ozzy congrats amazing news.

Our meeting with the birth mum yesterday had us totally wiped out. It was emotional and a very frantic worry all day on the run up to the meeting and post waiting on the decision. 

Finally we got the okay to proceed and met our little one for a few hours. So happy and hated leaving him behind.


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki sorry your having such a tough time. I'm sure you could call him something else if you really don't like it. Hope they sort out the father issues soon.


----------



## becs40

Aw how wonderful Pixie. How old is lo? When does he come home?


----------



## Cbelle1

Loki- I'm so sorry to read this, all I can say is focus on your 2, give them lots of kisses and cuddles and we will keep all our fingers and toes crossed for you  

We have our potential little 2's sw visiting us for the first time on the 11th - bricking it is not the word for it lol!!

Xx


----------



## ciacox

So today we met our little cub. What a gorgeous, sparkling person he is. An amazing, life changing couple of hours. I had prepared myself to be okay if I felt very little so it was a lovely surprise to feel so drawn to him so immediately. He was looking at us really intently at times. And we couldn't stop looking at him. Had to force myself to look away a bit so as not to freak him out! He's not quite ready for cuddles yet but we had some special moments, like when he started playing with my fingers. The morning was incredibly intense and emotional but also felt very natural and normal. Can't wait for tomorrow. We're going to watch a film this afternoon and chill out in preparation for some long days ahead!

Ozzy - congrats on your news. Such a milestone!

Thinking of you Loki. What a stressy limbo.   On that note, my thoughts are with too mumanddad - haven't heard an update for a while so guessing things are still stuck.


----------



## Tictoc

Ciacox that sounds great - really happy for you.


----------



## Primmer

Pixie - glad your meeting with BM went ok and you got to see your little one.

ciacox - sounds amazing

We made our photo book of us, our home and park today ready to hand over on Thursday after panel with a cuddly dinosaur and a dinosaur book.


----------



## PixieMcG

Becs hes 7 months old. Such a big boy.

We had an amazing weekend, we spend most of it with our little one, just so hard taking him back and leaving him.  Not long to go now we pick him up tomorrow and he will stay with us if all goes well with our social workers tomorrow afternoon.

Cbelle good luck. I'm sure you will be just fine.

Loki how are you Huni? Hope your holding up.

ciacox how old is your little one? It's amazing isn't it. 

Primmer I have  everything crossed for you with panel coming up.


----------



## becs40

Aw Pixie such a lovely age! Hope all goes well today.  

Loki, hope you're feeling a bit less in turmoil today and that your meeting with sw's is a productive one today.

Ciacox hope intros are still going well. They are exhausting so be kind to yourselves and hope your lo is home soon.


----------



## Loki Girl

Pixie - such a special time. It is exhausting and emotional but try to hang in there your little boy will soon be home. Magical age. So many firsts to encounter!!! I just love now seeing our little boy taking his 1st steps when he wasn't even sitting properly when we had him. 

Primmer - bet your little boy will be so excited with his dinosaur. Won't be long xx

Well I don't even know where to begin in the roller coaster that we are now on and honestly feel this is now turning into a script for Eastenders!!!! I am having difficulty getting my head round things and what to do for the best now. So baby is still in hospital. He's fine but mom came in with all 3 blokes!!!!!! She now won't sign the form that says she relinquishes but won't let baby be discharged because she wants to care for it!!!! She hasn't seen him since he was born on Thurs!! They have an emergency court hearing tomorrow to allow him to be discharged hopefully. Then BM is saying she wants him to go be with his siblings so she is just confusing things and being awkward. Hospital can't discharge him till this is resolved so this poor little baby has been in hospital since Thurs. Mom had also given a name of a school friend she hasn't seen in 20yrs to look after baby!! SW spoke to her and said come on who would you rather have. Someone you haven't seen in 20yrs or the family that are caring for his siblings. They said won't be an issue. So with sons dad also appearing to be back in the scene there is now a 3 way paternity being done!!!

Anyways apart from all that they have had feedback on trying to track down this brother. The council have record of the boy being adopted but no record of this brothers name anywhere. It's like he doesn't exist and they don't think he adopted this guys son at all. SW went back to potential dad no.3 and told him this and he said he didn't know what was going on!!! So we don't know what to make if all this at all. They can't open boys files cus they were closed 6yrs ago when he was adopted. But there should be some record of this brother but there isn't. On Fri when we were told this I was beginning to feel a little bit more optimistic and we agreed that we would hold off any decision making till they had gone to court in a couple of weeks and then we would know whether they would be like you need to find this guy or no one has any details on him don't bother. As our SW said if they say you have to find him then they will have to tell her how cus she is now at dead end. If he didn't adopt his nephew and this dad hasn't seen him for 6yrs and doesn't know where he is what's the point of tracking him down if they can? So on the good side because now they have an emergency court hearing tomorrow our SW can now ask about all of this. If the court agrees they don't have to peruse this guy then DH and I may take on the risk of bringing baby home and he may come straight from the hospital now!!! I think DH is still very apprehensive and if we get no concrete answers tomorrow then we may have to let him go into foster care for awhile till we know whether they have to track down this guy or not. And in the meantime in the middle of all this mess is a tiny defenceless helpless little boy who is stuck in a hospital. 

Good news is they have said we would have grounds to change his name so that's good. Turns out he has a not bad middle name so we may just swap them round. Haven't spoke to DH bout it yet so don't know if he likes it or not. Little lady is always not at her best when the SW's are here so I try to pay attention and have to placate a very demanding attention seeking 2yr old while they were here as well. Made the mistake of allowing them to come at 12pm which I should of known better as kids were hungry and getting tired. We live and learn lol. 

So thank you ladies for asking and I will keep you updated with our saga lol. A special mention to Tictoc - your messages keep me just about sane thank you so much!!!


----------



## Loki Girl

Oh and dad of little lady who is the only one contesting their hearing soon hasn't put in any paperwork he is just going to turn up at court. Do you think they will listen to him and give him a chance or dismiss it because he didn't put paperwork in? If they give him a chance it will be a joke and just delay everything. It shouldn't be allowed to happen!!!


----------



## PixieMcG

Omg Loki it is such a drama. That is a lot to take on right now with no answers but hopefully tomorrow you will get something from them. Keep us posted and your doing fab.

We had our little one today and social worker visits and he's officially moved in. Just got to wait the next few months and hopefully get the permanence order granted.


----------



## becs40

Oh Pixie, wonderful news! Enjoy that first night together now (unless you've had sleepovers during intros?).

Loki oh my! Certainly is a roller coaster isn't it! You're right though at the heart if all of this is a little boy who desperately needs something sorted so he can have the start in life he deserves. Well done for hanging on in there!

I had to go to the dentist today emergency appt as managed to break a big chunk of tooth yesterday, so my parents looked after little man. They've not had him for more than an hour or so but was 3 hours today as my dentist is just over an hour away (too chicken to change!). Anyway got in the door just as my mum was changing her first nappy! Luckily for her only a wet one! She's a bit bemused by the cloth nappies so I'm not sure what to expect when I change him next  ! Feel like I've not seen much of him the last couple of days as spent the afternoon on Saturday clearing spare room and building flat pack for new office/spare room whilst dh entertained him downstairs. Then I went down to London yesterday for a trade show to look at the Autumn and winter collections for this year. The website is launching on the 9th and still feel there's a fair bit to do!


----------



## Tictoc

Thanks Loki - it's amazing isn't it how there can be so many potential fathers. I know this sounds a bit flippant but its obviously a bit like buses, there's none and then they all come along at once.

Hopefully the paternity test and court hearing will start getting some answers. 

Does anyone know how long the courts normally take to name another date after BM says she want to appeal AO? Our first AO hearing was a week and a half ago and still not heard anything about what date next hearing is set for - so hard to be patient.


----------



## PixieMcG

Sorry tictoc I'm not sure. 

Becs first sleep over he's gone down for the night now I hope. He stirred earlier but went back down once he had a cuddle. My heart breaks when he wakes up and looks confused. Hopefully he gets used to his new room soon.


----------



## Tictoc

Pixie - hope he sleeps well but as I'm sure you know it might take him a while to settle. Enjoy the cuddles


----------



## PixieMcG

Oh he's full of smiles he's been down twice and woke up. Think it will be a long night.


----------



## dimplesforever

Hi

Loki - best wishes for today. I hope you get some positive answers and good luck to you and DH with decision making.

Tictoc - in my case I think that there was about a month between first and second hearings - unfortunately there were several more after that and they all tended to be about 4-6 weeks apart (I think so that other party had time to review evidence before the hearing. It can be v stressful but after 10 months of court dates (apparently the longest time ever to get an AO in my LA) we're now getting ready for the Celebration Hearing. 

Pixie - I hope you got some sleep. When he is napping today make sure you sleep/rest too and don't do any housework! I found the first few days of placement joyful and exhausting in equal measure


----------



## becs40

Aw Pixie hope it wasn't too bad a night!

The other downside we discovered to parents babysitting yesterday whilst I was at the dentist was that they let him "nap" for nearly 3 hours until nearly 3pm so last night was a nightmare! He was wide awake at 3.30 and it took me until 5.10 to get him off again! Just got him down for his afternoon nap at 1 today then a friend I don't see very often dropped by unannounced literally as he'd just gone off! Thankfully she was only passing so only stayed 5 minutes but it was 5 minutes I was gritting my teeth thinking please don't wake up as she is so loud! Then said she was off so showed her out and she lit up a cigarette so felt compelled to srand talking to her and the wind then blew little mans door open at the top of the stairs! I never knew I was so obsessed about sleep and noise until lo arrived!


----------



## Loki Girl

Quick update and sorry no personals. Court deemed everything very low risk, happy for baby to come on f2a which they wouldn't do if adoption plan not likely. Potential dad in court and not putting anyone forward. Not to say he won't find a name in 3mths but that was always a risk we faced. 

So deep breath our littlest baby boy will be here in about 2hrs!!!!!!!! Talk about shock. Steriliser and bottles still in packaging, clothes still in packets, Moses basket in loft - arrgghhhhhhh. In slight panic mode and trying to rush around setting up sterliser, washing bottles and getting clothes washed and see what I am doing through the tears!!! Thankfully 2 angels asleep and DH on his way. Wow what a difference a few days make. Wil update when I get chance of I ever get chance hahahaha


----------



## Ozzycat

Whoooooooooo amazing news loki... good luck 😗


----------



## Tictoc

Loki that's so exciting. Can't wait to hear how it all goes - after all the drama you have been through to get here I am sure 3 under 3 will be a breeze for you 😆.

Becs - completely with you on parents babysitting - my mum was so delighted that our LO was so settled with her when we had meeting with BM - little did she know he woke screaming every hour during the night after.


----------



## Cbelle1

Fantastic news Loki!!!! Just goes to show that even in the current climate, there are some courts out there with sense!!

Xx


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki so so pleased for you all! Feel like I'm on this ride with you! Crazy times indeed, going to be busy, busy busy.


----------



## crazyspaniel

Sorry to jump into your thread ladies but had to say that's fab news Loki, made me shed a tear....!! 
Lucky little man to be heading for his forever family so early xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Loki, congratulations   I hope all your dreams come true xxx


----------



## Primmer

Loki - great news!

Pixie - do hope you managed to get some sleep.

We met the medical adviser this morning and she said he was a lovely boy. This afternoon we made our dvd introducing ourselves and doing a tour of the house. Cringing to watch it back but hopefully it will help with introductions!


----------



## ciacox

Just a quick one to say:

1 - woo hoo Loki!!!!! 

2 - Just back from 12 hour stint of day 5 of intros. We were there to ho to him when he woke up this morning and to put him sleeping in his cot tonight. He enjoyed exploring his new home this afternoon and the final 5 days of intros are at ours so will be easier (for us). Midway meeting and FCS said they believed we were all meant to be together. I think he's amazing and cannot believe we got so lucky.


----------



## Primmer

Ciacox - sounds like introductions are going well, how exciting! X


----------



## dimplesforever

What wonderful news Loki!

Great to hear your intros are going well Ciacox


----------



## Tw1nk82

Fantastic news Loki xxx


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki amazing news. Exciting times.

Little man has had a bad night and today he's been really grumpy. He was at the doctors today for a check up after the health visitor came round and we mentioned that some of his chicken pox were flaring up turns our he has a little infection. He's going from happy smiley baby to screaming the house down. I hate it when he's so upset like that and nothing works x


----------



## Truelove2008

Hi ladies 
I'm new to this site, just wondering if anyone is doing a second time   adoption??
Also as I have done this once already I am happy to offer advice to anyone too.
Thank you xxx


----------



## becs40

Aw Pixie huge   To you! It's so hard! No matter how adorable and how much you take to them immediately, those early days still feel like babysitting so when they're upset it's so much harder. Be strong and don't doubt yourself. It takes time for everyone to fall in love.  Be kind to yourself and just focus on being with him and forget about everything else, ignore the housework, order takeaways or ready meals to give yourself a break. This time is so precious and even harder when lo is poorly, you only get one shot at it so forget everything else for now.
If you've got a baby carrier I thoroughly recommend putting him in and going for a walk in the fresh air. You'll both feel better for it and you gently force that close contact that he really needs and you'll enjoy those little snuggles. 
Even now, yesterday I had our 19.5 month old in it to pop to the shops and it was so lovely just having him so close and being able to cuddle him and kiss him.


----------



## PixieMcG

Thanks becs he had a much better night. Slept from 8pm until 1am and back down at 2am until 7am. He was a happy baby when he woke up with his little smiles as soon as he saw me with his hands out.

We're on track with his routine this morning he's currently napping and I'm hoping to get a shower.


----------



## becs40

Aw brill news Pixie. The early days whilst exciting are so draining physically and emotionally. Hopefully he's on the mend.


----------



## Cbelle1

Becs- do you have any recommendations for a carrier for an 18 mth+?

X


----------



## ciacox

I second that question Chelle. I've an ergo a friend lent me and I have a few friends using those with toddlers but wd be interested to hear about other options if that doesn't suit our LO. Wd also be interested to hear ideas for getting a LO familiar with a carrier if they've not used one before. Sitting here watching my little cub and his papa bear fast asleep on the sofa together. Wish I cd send you a pic x


----------



## becs40

We have a toddler Tula. If your 18+ month is of a good size that should be ok but the standard Tula is pretty big. We have the toddler because our lo is not so little! He's 87.2cm tall (possibly taller now as was measured before Xmas) and weighs 14.1kg. I find it really comfy and still front carry him mostly for the cuddles but dh likes it too to back carry. Now he's walking quite a lot we rarely take the buggy as easier to take that and carry him if needs be. So much easier.
Have a Google and see if there's a sling library near you as you can book a slot with them to try different ones out then borrow them to try and see how you get on. The Tula is very popular but like everything doesn't suit everyone. Don't be too put off by the price tag either as they're not cheap but the do hold their resale value like nothing I've ever seen! Most go for very close to new price if not more secondhand! This is because they change the designs frequently so lots of people if they're after a specific one will pay for it, but also the more they're used the softer they become.
Ciacox we started with an ergo and the Tula is very similar but bigger (even the standard Tula is quite a bit bigger). I loved the ergo  but he felt too big for it at about 15 months hence buying the Tula.
I would also say to anyone thinking about a carrier, it's never too late. You don't have to start with them as tiny babies. I used the ergo with our lo from 6 months but didn't use it a huge amount. I'd say since buying the Tula I've used it way more than the ergo was ever used. I use the Tula at least 2-3 times a week minimum even after only buying it when he was 15 months. As I said now he's walking we actually use it even more because we take it instead of lugging a buggy around if he gets tired.
Ciacox that's the big downside to adoption that still makes me sad hat we can't share our photos like normal mums and dads. I'm a member of a few organic clothing groups on ******** and everyone constantly posts their cute lo's in the new clothes and I can't join in without obliterating his face. And as for this flipping annoying "motherhood challenge" that's flooding ******** currently don't get me started!


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## dimplesforever

Welcome Truelove - how long has your child been home?  There is a thread in the Parenting Adopted Children section with people who are going for a 2nd child.  My little boy has been home just over a year and it is something i would consider .. but not yet a while!

Glad to hear your LO is on the mend Pixie.


----------



## PixieMcG

Well the routine was going great but tonight all of a sudden he hates the bath and screamed the place down. He then screamed for a while after. Managed to get him settled but really think his teeth are causing him pain.


----------



## ciacox

Sending you hugs Pixie. Such a rollercoaster isn't it? Sounds like with teething and being poorly it's a tricky start for you all. You'll get there xxxx


----------



## PixieMcG

Thanks ciacox he has the bottom two teeth already but believe the top teeth are a lot worse so hoping it won't take too long for him. It's him I feel sorry for he's had a lot of change this past week and to add his teeth to the mix is awful.


----------



## Truelove2008

Dimplesforever 
Thank you for your message, my lo has been home 2 years this month, we are now in the process of adopting his sibling which is great for us and for them. I will look for the thread you gave me thank you. It's been so perfect having one child so I'm sure two will be a dream. Xx


----------



## becs40

Aw poor wee man. Anbesol liquid we've found to be the best for teething! Also if you have some small flannels wet them and put them in the freezer, they really love those to help their gums! 
We also used the munchkin inflatable duck bath with our lo when he first came as we didn't feel uber confident with him in the big bath and he was too big for a baby bath, anyway he loved the duck!


----------



## PixieMcG

Thanks becs took him in the bath with me today and he was a bit grumpy at first but as soon as I started splashing about with his toys he was fine. Will try that for a few days until he gets used to our bath tub. Our little one is too big for a baby bath too.


----------



## Hopefull 37

Hi ladies we've just registered for adoption so hoping things get going soon.

So nervous!xx


----------



## Primmer

So upset   we were supposed to go to matching panel today but we were contacted last night to say it couldn't go ahead. There is an incident with lo which they need to look ok at and then decide how to proceed. A meeting has been fixed for Monday afternoon to find out more. Just so upset to have this happen, I really thought that this time all would be ok.


----------



## Tictoc

Primer - so sorry to hear this. I hope everything gets sorted and you can move forward. I can only imagine how upsetting this is for you.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Primmer.  So so sorry this has happened.  Have they said it will happen, but just need to sort out this current issue, or have they in true style said nothing so you have all weekend to freak out.
Hope it can be resolved quickly that you and they are happy and can move forward if that's what you want.  
It's so hard, so near and then to have the rug pulled under your feet, one would hope it's in the interest of lo, to resolve and of a serious nature.  Hope things work in your favour and you get your happy ever after xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Had a letter from the court today say bp appealing (after being told they wouldn't).
Now likely to be given time to present changes, just so fed up of waiting (I know we have him home and others don't, but I need this sorted).  Dh said they aren't taking him off us!! Being dramatic, but surly its not in anyone's interests to prolong this, he can't live with them, fact.

So from being on cloud 9, quietly optimistic, boom, crashing back down xx

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## ciacox

Oh Primmer - so sorry to hear this. Must be excruciating. Sending you loads of thoughts and hugs and hope this gets resolved soon. Xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Primmer so sorry to hear your news. Really hope you get answers soon surely the process has gone too far now for it to fall through? Hang in there Hun xx

FMN we are in same boat as you know. I asked social workers if dad still planning to contest and she said yes. She said it will go one of 2 ways either judge will grant more time as he hasn't submitted any paperwork he is just turning up or they wil just dismiss it. If they give him more time it's likely they won't grant little mans either. So bloody annoying. Like you there has to be unbelievable changes and he hasn't changed one bit so he knows he doesn't stand a chance. I think it's just birth parents one last ditch effort but although it may mean a delay I know we will get the orders eventually. I'm pretty sure if we hadn't got our paperwork in we wouldn't of been given any second chances!!!

Our littlest baby boy went for his 1st contact today as mom has decided she is not relinquishing. Just so weird to send a little baby into a car with a total stranger and then you don't see him for 2hrs!!! Have no idea how it went as no one has told us and there is no message in his contact book which didn't expect there to be cus they never wrote in our little man's. 

So we are busy and tired. First night he was pretty good and had a 4hr stint of being asleep but last night he was awake every 2hrs on the dot lol. He was just taking 1-2oz every 2hrs. We have tried to wake him up a bit today and feed him up lol. We had social workers and midwife yesterday, he had contact today, we have health visitor and midwife again Mon, in afternoon I have to take him for his DNA test then we have social workers again Tues and somehow they have to sort out contact as well. I had to buy a busy moms diary lol. 

Loving it tho. Took some gorgeous photos of the 3 together today. Little lady is cute and gentle with him. She actually cried when he was getting a bit fussy so I said we had to put him back in his chair bless her. Little man just hit him over the head lol. 

Pixie hope your lo feeling better soon. Teeth are a killer. Our little lady had all her big teeth just coming in and she has been fab hasn't woke in night at all but little man had some terrible nights. Touch wood he has slept through 3 nights on the trot now!! We also had a lot of changes from our little lady after about 2 weeks things that were so easy suddenly became a real challenge. Hang in there he will get used to everything tho may take a while x


----------



## dimplesforever

Wow, Loki that sounds crazy busy!  Does the person supervising contact not write anything?  My LO's contact book contains quite a lot of comments from trainee SW who supervised.

Primmer, I am so sorry to hear your news.  Hope Monday brings better news.

Truelove are you going down FTA or adoption route for sibling?


----------



## Cloudy

*Hello everyone 

Just to let the newbies know that the thread for those ladies starting the adoption process this year (2016) is here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=342280.0

There is also a thread on the Parenting Adopted Children section for those who are starting the process for a second time here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=318530.0

Good luck everyone   

Xxx*


----------



## becs40

Primmer, hope things get sorted for you quickly. It's just too cruel at this point! 

Loki-wow! You sound very together, I think I'd be petrified with a newborn! The contact thing is horrible, we only had to do it 4 times I think before final contact but it's not nice just handing them over. We had lots of comments in the contact book but only from the supervisor and nothing of any interest really anyway. It was always just stuff like "dad says can you take him to the dr for his cough" when I'd already written in the book "seeing dr tomorrow as cough not improved"   it was always just little comments meant to try to undermine us so I think I'd rather have had nothing! 
Laughed out loud at middle man hitting little man over the head!   can see that happening with our lo as well, not very gentle either! Although he was trying to make friends with my parents dog today by feeding him bits of my cinnamon Danish (breakfast on the run at 10.30am despite having been up since 4.10am!). I was watching closely to make sure dog didn't eat his fingers as well as I don't trust him with children at all - he has form! He's a lovely dog with adults but he's nearly 15, a rescue dog with an unknown but probably abusive past, and has become very nervous and neurotic as he's got older. Think most of it has stemmed from my parents not doing any form of training with him and also the fact he had a very rigid routine to the point of being insane! 9.15am goes for a walk, always up the disused road near them to the trees then turn round and go back, 12 lunch of 2 shapes biscuits and a piece of salami, 14.00 walk again but in the other direction to the farm at the end of the road and back, 15.00 1/2 a ginger snap etc etc etc sure you can see how nuts this is! I'm sure it's made him so neurotic because now if something isn't the same as the day before he just stresses. Oddly he was always much better at ours when he got walked when we were ready to go, got fed usually about 6 when one of us said "flip we forgot to feed the dog!". With us he'd just take himself off onto one of our beds and curl up and go to sleep. Anyway little man managed not to lose any fingers in the process and the dog escaped having his eyes poked out when little man proudly points to them to tell you what they are so all in all a success I think.
Been busy getting the business sorted ready to launch the website in the next few days. Annoyingly one of my orders has got caught in a backlog at the port because of the storms so now won't arrive until end of Feb. Have launched the ******** page and my launch competition post reached over 2500 people do really thrilled with that! When we went to the trade show in Sunday it was at 500 people which I mentioned to one of the suppliers and they thought that was very good for a start up so 2500 is really good news. My brother is checking over the website tomorrow then should be good to go! Exciting but busy times. Been trying all evening to find some way of incorporating a loyalty points program onto the site but not found a way yet.
On that note best head for bed. Dh is off tomorrow so hopefully we'll go to a local farm  that also has soft play in the morning then maybe the zoo in the afternoon to try and wear him out so he actually sleeps through one flipping night!


----------



## PixieMcG

Hopeful good luck huni. It's a long process but well worth it.

Primer so sorry to hear your panel didn't go ahead. Any ideas what the issues is?

FMN totally understandable that you want this all signed and sealed. I can't see them allowing your little one to go back not now. 

Loki that sounds crazy I thought we were bad lol with social workers on Monday and health visitor and doctors on Tuesday and the same all over again next week. Thanks for the reassurance Loki he really has kicked off the same time every night between 7-7.30pm. Proper screams not murmurs or crying he's almost hysterical. Takes such a long time to soothe and calm him. He's in so much agony with his teeth, I started questioning what I was doing wrong. But he's great all day long no issues very droolly and a chews things so I know it's definitely his teeth.


----------



## Mumanddad

Primmer - I'm so sorry to hear your news  it's hard when the plan changes last minute but be strong and hang on in there, I hope things get sorted quickly for you x x big hugs x x x

Loki - that is the most amazing news, hope it's every thing you dreamed it would be   x x x x


----------



## liveinhope

Really sad to hear about all the setbacks people are experiencing at the moment

Primmer hope Monday's meeting brings positive developments


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks pixie!  How long does it take?  
We're waiting for the registration process to start now.


----------



## Loki Girl

Welcome Hopeful. It seems ages ago we started the process but once you get cracking it really does get going. Good luck on your journey. We are all here to help you along. We made our 1st enquiry in April 2014. We got approved in Jan 15, linked in Feb, matched in May and our children came home in June and Aug.  

Thanks Becs. It's ok with DH here dreading when his paternity leave ends lol. Managed to get all 3 out the door and to playgroup on time today - amazing!!!

Had a really annoying call from social worker today. We had discussed the name thing and everyone said it was ok to use baby's middle name. So we introduced him to family and little lady as that name. Now turns out BM has changed her mind and whereas she is keeping the first name I hate has given him a completely different middle name and I hate that as well - arrrgggghhhhhhh. Not sure what we are doing now. We have basically said well we are doing nothing till she actually finds out who the father is and actually registers his birth cus she could change her mind again. She could use 2 middle names considering she gave our other little boy 3 I don't know. Now I don't know if we will be able to continue calling him this name which I now really like and it suits him. I know all his official stuff is in the 1st name I don't like but thought we would be fine changing it to this middle name. Apparently she did the same with our other boy. She had FC calling him this name right up to last minute then went and registered birth and called him something completely different and added all these middle names. It upset me a bit but have decided this is the name we are calling him. We will explain to him later on and I don't think social workers can stop you writing on the adoption forms what you want to call them can they? Just worried about our IRO. She is a right battle axe and questioned us like mad on the middle names we had chosen for our two and we didn't even change their first names!!! Just worried they will try to make me use a name I hate!!!!

Contact had been set for every Mon and Wed from 10.30-12. Annoying but nothing I can do. Typically had to turn down going to my nieces birthday as the family were going to safari park but as its on the Mon we can't go cus of contact. 

Anyways not much sleep last night as little boy decided he didn't want to go back in his basket after feeds lol so off for an early night.


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki what a pain! I think you have good grounds to stick with the name you're using. Definitely not right to do anything until birth is registered anyway. We changed our lo's first name, originally our sw told us the day she told us his birth name that we could change it because it was so awful. Ironically she was the one that did a complete u turn and disagreed with it! So sw's are just as likely to change opinions too! Luckily for us at matching panel she made herself look stupid by going against it because it was blatantly in his best interests to change it for a number of reasons.
We got another contact letter from bm this week and it feels so strange reading the letter addressed to us and lo's birth name, it completely threw me for a while as I just don't see him as that name at all now.
Are you now onto a 3rd lot of adoption leave by the way?


----------



## PixieMcG

Hopeful really depends on your area we enquirer Jan 14, info evening mar 14, two day course in July 14, assigned SW Jan 15, approved sept 15 and matched Jan 16. 

We had a better night with little man no tantrums at bath and bedtime but we did get the fighting sleep and went down two hours later than normal but he slept through the night until 7.45am.  So one hurdle seems to be resolved only to have him loaded with the cold again and he threw up all of his milk. 

Loki you should do what's right for little man and your family, SW always have opinions. We were told of a name was really bad we could change it but luckily we grew used to our little ones name. First time I told my mum she was like why would you call your child such a different name but now she loves it. Funny people.


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks Loki & Pixie!

I've heard it range from 1-3 years depending on checks and matching. 

What's the scariest part?

I'm so scared we'll be turned down.


----------



## becs40

Aw hopefull we all felt like that initially, it is scary and we all felt like that because we'd got so used to things not working out up until adoption. I think the scary bit will be different for everyone. For us it was because we'd been linked with our little boy when he was just 8 weeks old and went through all the ups and downs of will it proceed or not with all the court hearings until he came home at 6 months. Those 4 months were very tough for us.
Others it will be the wait after being approved because it's so hard waiting for something you want so badly but have no idea when it will happen.
Also one of the social workers in our prep day picked up that we were all fearful of not being approved and said "remember we're not looking for perfect parents, we're looking for good enough!".


----------



## ciacox

Hopefull - I think the scary bits are different for different people. In my experience, none of it so far has been nearly as scary as fertility treatment! I guess the scariest was walking up the foster carer's path last week to meet our LO for the first time. But it was a good kind of scary!

Loki - arg, so annoying re the name. I agree with others - stick to the name you're going with. It's not as though you've just randomly picked one. It was one of the names given to him (at least for a while!) by BM so it makes sense. Feel for you being at the whim of BM and SWs and all that. Hope you're doing ok. You're my absolute hero to be looking after alll your littles after the most stressful week imaginable last week.

Primmer - thinking of you and hoping next week brings happy news.

Becs - share the link for your business? I'm guessing it's baby clothes but not sure.

All going good but I can't wait for intros to be over. Sick of the travelling and switching in and out of my new mummy identity. And LO is tired and struggling with it all. I want my boy home now. *stamps foot* 48 hours and he'll be sleeping upstairs in his cot/not asleep but here anyway!


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks becs,  I have been worried because we're not perfect, we've been through so much as I'm sure many on here have but we're still standing and moving forward so I hope that's seen as positive. 

I'm so grateful for all support and advice!


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks ciacox, I bet it was but so exciting. Think I'll breathe if/when we're approved.  It seemed to move fast for you-a year!xx


----------



## ciacox

Yes we were very lucky but if you read around there are quite a few of us who have moved through the process at about tat rate. Depends on so many factors out of our control and lots of fantastic adopters do end up waiting a long time too so I guess you have to be ready for any eventuality! x


----------



## becs40

Aw hopefull that's exactly what is seen as a positive! The fact your relationship has undergone considerable stress and survived is the perfect preparation for adoption. The fact you have suffered loss through infertility helps you to identify with your child the loss that they will have experienced. Infertility actually stands you in very good stead for adoption. Timescales for us were incredible. It was exactly 40 weeks from submitting our application to our baby boy moving in, the irony of that being the normal term of a pregnancy may have been lost on our social worker but it just enforced the belief that this was what was always meant for us.
Ciacox it's such a lovely time but such a crap one too! He'll soon be home with you.  And if anything like ours then sleep doesn't play too much a part of his plans little rascal.
Yes it is baby clothes 0-3 years. The website is live but looking a bit sad at the mo as half my stock is stuck at the port because of the storms so delayed until 22nd Feb. I have a few more bits coming this week from Sweden, thankfully they use air so that will be here on wednesday. I do also have to change some images but need to commandeer hubby's laptop so I can see what is wrong as they look ok on the iPad. 
Its www.becsbabyboutique.co.uk feel free to offer any criticisms as its a steep learning curve but you only learn by listening to others opinions of it. My brother is supposed to be looking at it for me too as he's a marketing consultant but he hasn't had a chance yet.


----------



## PixieMcG

Anyone any tips on a good routine for my little man at 7 and a half months. Currently weaning and following the schedule he was on with foster care but it doesn't really work for us and I'm worried I will upset him.


----------



## becs40

Think you need to just try and find out what suits you best. Trying to remember what ours was at that age. Think it was vaguely wake at 6ish, he'd have a bottle at 7 and some breakfast about 8. Nap at 9 where he would probably have about 1.5-2 hours. He'd have a bottle at 11, lunch at 12, another nap about 1.30 for 1.5-2 hours, can't remember if he was still having a mid afternoon bottle at that age but possibly was, tea at 4.30, bath time 5.45 with bed time appx 6.30pm. 
Try to make any changes gradually.mwhat is his routine now and what are you struggling with?
FC wasn't putting our lo into the cot until 10pm but he was asleep mainly in a carrycot in the living room from 7pm so we changed that straight away.


----------



## PixieMcG

Hi becs the routine he's on now that the foster carers gave us is as follows.

7-7.30 am - wakes - 7oz formula and baby cereal

9-10 am - nap

12 noon - baby food and baby fruit pot 

1.30- 2.30pm - nap

4pm - baby food and 7oz bottle

30 mins nap

7pm - bath time 

7.30-8pm - 7oz bottle

Our little man likes to eat and really loves his food but we never get to 4pm and he's screaming the place down.

It obviously worked with them and for us when we were taking him for introductions but since he's come to us after the first day or two it doesn't seem to work at all. 

I want to push the meals out slightly in the evening but if I can't get this routine to work I don't want to change it again.


----------



## becs40

Yes he's obviously struggling with going 4 hours without a top up. I'd be inclined to give the 4pm bottle when he wakes from his gap at 2.30 then put tea back to 4.30 so he can cope until bedtime bottle at 7.30. Their stomachs are so little they say little and often is best. 
I've a,ways done bottles separate to meal times so 1 on waking and at 7 months he used to have a mid afternoon one and a bedtime one. As they get older you can then swap the bottle for snacks so they are generally having their 3 meals plus a couple if snacks between meals.
Other than that seems a good routine re naps etc?


----------



## Loki Girl

Well 2nd contact going well. He is supposed to be in contact from 10.30-12 so we had got him all ready by 10.15 and it is now 10.50 and no one has come for him!!! Just phoned to complain and they are looking into it. It's ridiculous and next time I won't b getting him ready till they actually knock on the door!! 

So they have just phoned to say BM hasn't turned up so we were like well what does that mean. Has contact been cancelled and no one told us? In the meantime I have 2 toddlers driving me crazy cus we never stay home and we were planning to take them out for coffee or something. They are now trying to contact BM by I am like tough he's staying here now!!!


----------



## becs40

Uuggh Loki I feel for you! That's exactly why we were told we had to be at home because it's not uncommon for them to collect lo and turn up with no bp there and have to bring them back. You're absolutely right to say no today though if she hasn't turned up then it's tough. Sw shouldn't even be asking, they should be saying to bm this is not acceptable and it's not fair on baby or siblings.
Hope you get out of the house and things settle down.


----------



## Thepinklady

Oh Loki that can be the frustrating bit of contact. I sometimes felt like SW's only ever considered their own agenda and never ever thought about the effect on the foster family who had other lives to work round. We were always the last (and sometimes never) to be contacted re. changes in contact. 

Hopefully the routine and structure of contact will settle over the next week or so and it will flow more smoothly and allow you to get out with LO. We certainly found a week or so in it was much smoother. Maybe BM might just slip away especially as she was originally relinquishing but if not then be straight with SW and demand regular routine. At the beginning I was very submissive and did not complain or demand too much because I felt a little bit like I was in their debt as I wanted this LO so much but the more I was reminded that I was just a foster carer until such times as placement order came through or LO went home the more I decided I was going to act like the foster carer. In other words we were the ones doing the favours. We were the ones giving up so much of our lives to look after the LO and therefore they would dance a little to our tune. i stood up to them and asked for more consistency and respect as foster carers and it helped. They did take an awful lot more onboard. The routine is important not just for you and the rest of the family but also for LO. Remember part of a foster carers role is to be an advocate for the LO so speak up and demand what is right for them.

Good luck with it all and I hope things smooth out over the coming week or so.


----------



## Loki Girl

Ok sorry ladies have another question for those of you that have done contact. So turns out it was mistake in social workers part and they didn't even tell BM there was contact today even tho they set it as every Mon and Wed. They picked him up within 15mins which we said was fine. Was getting worried cus he has his DNA test this afternoon as well so poor little guy is not getting much time at home lol. 

Anyways my question is this. BM managed to write in contact book and asked me to send his dummy for his comfort (her words). LO doesn't have a dummy because I don't like them and never wanted him to have one. I did buy him an orthodontic one before he came just incase because obviously if I felt he did need one I would have one in just incase but never had to use it. He is fine in day and is not unduly upset so don't know why she is asking for one. Of course I don't want to send one on principal but as DH points out that it's only twice a week for an hour send it as he prob won't have it anyways and if we don't send at least the orthodontic one then BM will prob bring her own. What do you think? Was going to ask SW's tomorrow when they came but do I have to give in to what BM wants? I'm just a bit stubborn when I am caring for him and think I know what he needs?


----------



## liveinhope

Our adoption order has been granted


----------



## Thepinklady

Congrats live in hope.

Loki I understand your frustration but at this stage BM has PR shared with LA so in a way it is her decision. A SW can over-rule a birth parent decision if they feel it is in child's best interest. On this case I would tend to agree with your DH. BP's requests tend to be about them asserting their authority and trying to take what little control they have. I would choose your battles, remembering you want to keep the relationship as positive as possible. If LO is only at contact for a short time twice a week I don't think they will get into a habit with a dummy if you remove it the rest of the time. To be honest when they are so little the dummy tends to fall out so quickly I don't think he will end up using it much in contact sessions. I would go with this one if I were you.

Good luck


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks pink lady. I know that's the best thing to do and you are prob right she is just showing her authority. I will still have a word with social workers but will prob have to just grin and bear it and like you say if he's not used to it he won't get addicted to it. I just wasn't expecting any demands like that from someone who can't care for her child and abandoned him in the hospital but need to just put up till placement order comes through. Hopefully quickly!!!


----------



## Hopefull 37

Thanks ciacox & becs, your words of advice have helped feel a little better about adopting. As most of us, the last few years have been tough but I'm hoping the fact we have come through it will stand us in good stead. We're happy to wait just want that approval and we might great he lol.

Reading some of your stories, it doesn't sound easy but worth it. Xxx


----------



## becs40

Congrats live in hope, an amazing day! Hope you're having a little celebration tonight.  

Loki. I think pinklady has pretty much summed it up. Ultimately our opinions as foster Carers/future parent counts for nothing until placement order. I think at this age and hopefully up until po I don't think it will make a difference to lo. If anything he'll learn that it's something that only happens there as he never gets it at home.
We had the same with our lo in bm asserting herself that she wanted to give him a bottle. It was not possible to get him into a good routine and for her to give him the bottle at the times of contact so FC and us kept to his normal times with feeds but sent a bottle with him which he just refused 95% of the time. You will find all sorts of ways she'll try to undermine you and assert herself and it is difficult to not let it get to you but it does get easier to close the book and forget about it.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Conats living in hope.... Hoping we get that good news at the end of the week!  Not likely, but you never know.

Hang in there Loki... Be difficult finding a balance, but you will get there.

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Hey ladies hope everyone is doing ok. We have matching panel tomorrow for LOs sibling. Why am i feeling so nervous? We should be use to panels now. Just want to get it out of the way then try and relax for 3 weeks xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

How exciting twink..... Good luck!
You know it will be fine.... And will complete your little family xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

Thanks FMN we should be use to the nervous by now it never ends xxx


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## PixieMcG

Good luck twink


----------



## Primmer

LiveInHope - huge congrats, great news!

Loki - hope you have a better day today, after the hassle of yesterday.

Twink - good luck, sure it will all be fine x


----------



## Norma12

Hows things for you Primmer? X


----------



## Tictoc

Good luck twink - we seem to be at a panel either approval or matching every few months at the moment and you never stop getting nervous. They obviously want the sibling with you though so bear that in mind.

We have a court date for the 2nd AO hearing now on 2 March. BM says after meeting us she is not going to appeal but who knows. We also should be finding out on 24th if the next sibling is coming to us - already approved for him so assuming he is and that it will be soon!

Loki - how are things? I agree with the dummy advice from becs and pink lady - you need to just go along with it for now - at least you will know he is getting a well sterilised one!


----------



## Ozzycat

Congrats living in hope it's such a great feeling 😍
Good luck twink x
Loki... Ur supermum in my eyes xxx
Hope everyone else is good x


----------



## Primmer

We had our meeting with lo's SW yesterday about last weeks panel being cancelled whilst they looked into an incident. All went well at the meeting and we are now booked into panel on 18 Feb. Was so devastated when it got cancelled and have cried lots since last weds but now focusing on new panel date and trying to be positive.


----------



## Hopefull 37

So many stories of good news!

I'miss surprised by how many little ones have been adopted, we were told babies are rare. 

Give me so much hope.xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Amazing news primer,  got everything crossed for you x


----------



## Tictoc

Primer - so glad to hear everything is back on track again. I'm sure time will fly until 18th


----------



## Tw1nk82

Im so happy that everything is sorted primmer and that you have a new date set xx

Thanks ladies for the good lucks as if im going to sleep tonight xx


----------



## becs40

Fab news Primmer! May the time fly by for you. 

Twink good luck for tomorrow not that you need it. 

Loki I hope today has been a better day. How much longer do you have dh at home for?

As for me well the website went live today eek! If anyone fancies a look and giving any criticism to help improve it then it would be most welcome. 
www.becsbabyboutique.co.uk


/links


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## Tw1nk82

Becs congratulations on the website it looks fab xx


----------



## becs40

Thanks Twink.


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## Norma12

Glad you've got another panel date Primmer xx


----------



## AoC

Good luck, Twink!

Hope contact smooths out, Loki.  ((((hugs))))

Hang on in there, Primmer, I'm glad you've got another date.  And it's not long away!

Congrats on your new business, Becs, what a fab idea!  Beautiful stock, too.  I love the pics, but they appear stretched on my laptop screen - is there a way to get them to auto-resize to the aspect-ratio of whatever screen they're being viewed on?  

I've been poorly, nasty cold that was a bit too much like flu for my liking.  But the temperature broke on Mon night, so since then I've been feeling a lot better, just coughing up a lung.... situation normal... nothing to see here.... ;-)

But good news for us.... yesterday, we heard that we're being taken to a linking meeting for a LO on Friday morning.  Eeep!  We'd known the meeting was on the cards, thought it wouldn't be for ages, and had been told we were one of two couples being considered.  Now the manager has said it's just us.

*faints*

It'll be the anniversary of our approval on Friday week.  

We're a bit in shock, as we'd said we were really keen on this littley, but had asked a load of questions and all we'd really heard back was that his SW was leaving and that there were two couples on the table.  We feel a bit like, "but we haven't said a definite yes, please, yet!" but our SW said it's fine and we'll still get thinking time.  We're just being over-cautious, though.  We both know we want this one.  Trying to be sensible and not get too excited before we hear on Friday.

Oh I WISH my Mum were still alive to share this with.  :-/


----------



## becs40

Aw AOC fab news! Fingers crossed for you. It must be horrible to have such amazing news and not have your mum to share it with, I'm sure she would have been thrilled for you. Hope all goes well on Friday. 

I think it's probably the banner pics on the main page you're talking about isn't it? I can't see anyway to sort them so my brother is currently on the case as that's what he does for a living! Think it's one of the issues of a generic build your own website template, they have limitations! If we can't sort it I may think about doing something different on the main page.


----------



## Tictoc

Great news AOC - I saw your other post. We adopted another who wasn't a sibling but he was 9 months when adopted so not sure that answers your question.


----------



## ciacox

Great news AoC. Hope you get all your questions answered and things go smoothly. It's so hard when you're trying to keep your head and your heart at the same pace!

Becs - I just love the clothes on the site! It looks great. Will bookmark x

Primmer - so glad to hear things are moving forward.

All good here - exhausted and the house is trashed! Just said to my partner, we can do this, just about, just as long as neither of us ever goes back to work and we never try to do anything other than short trips to parks!


----------



## Loki Girl

Primmer and AoC such fantastic news can't read to read your updates!!!

Been having a rough couple of days with been messed around and little lady not being well. After the faff of contact on Mon took littlest man for his DNA test only to be told they didn't have the kit for him!!!! They had mom's and one of the potential dad's but not baby's. So a complete wasted journey of trekking somewhere half an hour away and just felt the whole day was a complete waste of time especially when trying to deal with the 2 eldest. As much as we worried about our little lady it's older little man who is being quite difficult. He is throwing tantrums, wanting attention all the time and little lady as good as she is with baby is quite mean with him and keeps pushing him over and lying on him with her arms round his neck!!!! I will admit to being at my wits end about how to stop her. It's not baby coming it was happening before he came along. She won't let him have anything, snatches everything away from him and no matter how much we try and be nice and explain how when he is crying he is sad or she is hurting him (which she prob isn't cus he is so huge lol), even resorting to time outs nothing is working. Now coupled with baby demanding feeds and crying in his chair it's been a bit of an adjustment. 

I also am tired obviously with lack of sleep and little lady being poorly sick (we went through 5 pairs of pyjamas the other night!!!) and obviously everytime I was up with littlest man I Was up checking her as well. I couldn't keep up with the washing, had 3 big baskets and had to enlist my mum to help me out with ironing just so I can hopefully now keep on top of things. Also I am tired of all the visits and this is not helping the other 2 either. Baby only been home a week and we have had 2 midwife visits, a health visitor visit, social workers came yesterday in afternoon which we asked them too while our toddlers were sleeping because otherwise our little lady demands so much attention I can't concentrate on what they are saying but means DH and I didn't get any break and then baby was really unsettled between 5pm and 11pm so we were exhausted especially after dealing with the sickness the night before. Then we had planned to take kids to zoo tomorrow before half term and DH going back to work but then we had call from kids guardian and she wants to see them so she could only do tomorrow at lunch which is the worse time again but what can you do. Got to reschedule baby's DNA test and still deal with him off to contact twice a week (mom cancelled today tho so we didn't have to get him ready). We have to have a health assessment done on baby and a LAC review meeting with the awful IRO officer who accused us last time of not thinking properly about taking in a 3rd and asking what was wrong with our daughter who wouldn't go anywhere near her and clung to me cus the woman was sitting here barking out questions at us and little lady picked up on it so really stressed about what she will say. Just want time to settle as a family and try and give the eldest 2 the attention they deserve. Just don't feel we have had time to adapt yet on our own. Have to do stupid diaries everyday so struggling to keep track of everything and I will admit to last couple of days making them up because I can't remember when baby is demand feeding how many oz's he had and to write it down. What are they going to do with the sheets? They are not going to read his feeding schedule bet it will just get filed away!!!! Have to write n/a on about 10 questions cus it's just one form and it doesn't apply to a 2 week baby it's pretty ridiculous and time consuming. 

Anyways sorry that went on a bit. Was going to have a rest while 2 eldest in bed but now baby awake. He seems to sleep when the other 2 are up so this sleep when baby sleeps would be lovely but not happening lol!!

Kids hearing tomorrow so bit stressed about that with little lady's birth dad contesting and now saying little man should of had a health assessment and he hasn't had one since we had him so the likelihood of us getting the order through tomorrow will highly unlikely. Will it ever be over!!!

We will get there!!!!!


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki... Our hearing tomorrow too.  What times yours?
Ours isn't likely to go through either 
Hang in their sounds like you have a lot on your plate, you will get there.  Just gonna take time to settle. 
Hope you get some good news xx

Love the site becs.  Good luck on your venture xx

Aoc fab news lovely.  Hope this littlie is the one to complete you.  I feel so sad (my eyes well ever time) my lo never met his grandad.  He would have just adored him.  I hope somewhere out there he knows.  Breaks my heart, but we have to move forward, there will always be a little piece of him in my little ones upbringing.  She would be super proud of you though, know that xx

Ciaox trashed houses are good!! Lo's aren't going to remember polished skirting boards! You guys will be doing a great job! Xx

Twink hope all went well xx

Another day closer primmer xx

My lo is currently avoiding sleep, just babbling mamma in his cot! Wish he would go to sleep.... But super beautiful..... Xx


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## Loki Girl

Can't believe we are same day FMN lol. At least we are early 9.30 but like said really not hopeful of getting it but maybe we will be surprised!!! Fingers crossed for all our little ones xx


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki  ,
Huge admiration from me! It must be hard enough having a newborn for the first time let alone with a just 1 & 2 year old as well. Add to that all the crap of the endless as involvement in not surprised you're struggling. It will get easier as baby goes longer between feeds and gets into a routine but also the visits will decrease as well and things become a little bit more normal! 
Can you split the children between you for a bit of a break so maybe you just have baby for a bit whilst dh takes the other 2 for a while?
I will also say as much hassle as contact is it was actually quite nice to have that time! Make the most of that if and when it does actually happen!
Meanwhile-ironing? Seriously! Don't do it! No one is going to suffer from creased clothes for a little while unless maybe see if it's something a friend or family will take on for you?


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## Tictoc

I'm with becs on the ironing Loki - you need to let standards slip if you're going to maintain any sanity. I gave up on ironing a long time ago and now it's only essentials like shirts that get ironed.

Also - didn't your LA say they were going to pay for a cleaner? You really need that - I don't know how you are coping at all let alone trying to do days out etc. The kids are bound to be a bit difficult with all this change but hope it settles down a bit for you soon.

Loki and FMN - good luck with hearings tomorrow!

Becs - I saw your site - some very cute stuff!


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## Hopefull 37

Goodluck to all the ladies going for court dates!

Your lives sound hectic but wonderful, I cannot wait for all the chaos!

We are trying to find a local authority to register with because ours has decided it's not taking anymore prospective adopters so we're looking around for another local authority.

Your stories give me hope!

 to all


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## becs40

Loki just remembered about an app I used with little man to help with the diaries. If you've got iPhone or iPad then "sprout baby" app is brill. Can log all feeds, nappy changes, sleep etc as you go. Really easy to use and can just fill in the bits you want but I found it really helpful trying to see sleep problem patterns!


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## Tw1nk82

We got a big fat yes. Cant believe we get to meet our little girl in 3 weeks xx


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## Thepinklady

Loki hang in there the amount of visits from social workers, health visitors etc does lessen as the weeks go era crossed you will get to the point that on most weeks the only interruption will be contact but in the early weeks it is hectic. You also have the added appointments from health visitor that comes with any new born. 

I am sure you are exhausted. Make good use of your support network. Have people bring you meals, take washing away and even come in and clean while you are all out. 

Thoughts and hugs are with you.


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## pyjamas

Planning to return to work in March. Would love more time off with LO but we need the money! will only be part time but will still miss her ! x


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## Tictoc

Going back to work is hard Pyjamas - I remember having no patience for people waffling in meeting and silently screaming to myself 'shut up talking, you might have nothing better to do but I do!'.

Although on adoption leave currently I am a part timer too - need to work for finances to balance. Part time does work pretty well for me - I love that I still have more days with the kids than I do at work. I do think nursery / childcare is good for them though - obviously there are exceptions but both my older kids have benefitted from being in childcare in terms of their confidence socially.


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## becs40

Fab news Twink! Now the nesting begins I expect? Relish every night of uninterrupted sleep you get, I can't remember what that feels like!   Oh and enjoy the "just popping" here there and everywhere, they said my highlight would be escaping to the local shop in the evening on my own and they weren't wrong!


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## AoC

Congratulations, Twink!!!!  Brilliant!


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## Tw1nk82

Thanks everyone we are over the moon xxx


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## Loki Girl

Woo hoo Tw1nk. So thrilled for you. Def enjoy you and DH time before little lady arrives and enjoy those 10hr sleep throughout hahaha. 

We were up at 11pm, 12.30, 3, 5 and 6.30 with baby and once with bigger man at 6am. They all went back to sleep and currently walking dog at 8am and they were all still in bed. Unheard of hahaha


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## Forgetmenot

Huge congrats twink x


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## Forgetmenot

Thank heavens for Loki girl..... You time!!
Mine is always attached to the pram.... Can't get out the door without the little monkey!! Xx


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## Loki Girl

Haha FMN it's only cus DH has hurt his leg so I have been dog walking twice a day which is a pain cus the field is so muddy but also quite nice and escapy lol. 

Can't believe court is going on now!!!!!! Please please please let everything be in order and the judge sees sense and I can breathe about the 2 eldest being officially mine. Not convinced since health worker called this morning to book health assessments for both boys which surely if our eldest boy gets his order today he wouldn't need it?

Never mind just heard we didn't get the order   Turns out it wasn't even our little lady's dad as we were worried about but our son's dad has crawled out of the woodwork and they are given him another week to get a statement in. Absolute joke and bloody ridiculous. Surely they can see there is no point. Fuming and upset!!!!


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## Primmer

Twink - huge congrats! So exciting, bet you can't wait to meet your little one.

Loki - huge hugs, the system is so annoying at times!


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## becs40

Aw Loki   Not what you need right now! Hang on in there, you know it will happen you just have to get through all the rubbish first.
Hop things are a bit less chaotic today for you and you can start to really get used to being a family of 5 now!


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## Tw1nk82

Loki im so sorry thats rubbish xx


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## Hopefull 37

Congratulations twink 

Loki, hope things work out for and this is jus a formality.


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## Forgetmenot

So sorry Loki X thankfully they have only given him a week, most have three to get things in order.  Another delay.  I would be gutted. You guys will get there.  That's what I told myself..... as realistically if it wasn't it would be a test case and on national news.  What we do to protect ourselves.  Hope you have had a better night xx


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## Forgetmenot

Was good news for us, which we weren't expecting.  No appeals made in the end and our little boy became forever ours.  Just fell apart on the phone to our sw and sobbed when we phoned daddy.  Never expected it to be as emotional as this, but I guess it was everything just all coming out.  Was trying to be all calm and matter of fact, but I couldnt contain my emotion.  We had to leave our play group as everytime I thought about it my eyes welled up... was crying all day just thinking about it.

It's going to be a busy day on the phone today letting people know and party planning.  We wanted a day of just us knowing our special news without interruption and it was just lovely.  We met daddy at work, went for a play on the beach and had tea out.  

So, after all these years we are officially a family, I feel happier and more content than I ever thought possible, and really do have the most amazing and beautiful little boy.  Life yesterday and today just can't get any better.  I for one will be forever grateful xxx


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## Loki Girl

Aww FMN your post made me well up. You have been through so much and you totally deserve it. I have been through every up and down with you and am just so thrilled it is finally all over for you. Sounds like you had a magical day and your little boy is very lucky to have such a wonderful mummy. Enjoy your lovely family. He is completely yours now no more worrying xxx


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## becs40

Aw FMN made me cry too as just relived that moment for us. Could have written that post myself, I was so shocked it just threw me completely. When I rang my mum in tears she thought it fad gone the other way! It really is truly amazing the difference it makes I think. Enjoy spreading your happy news today!
Loki you'll be there soon enough too, hang on in there you're one step closer. There really is light at the end of the tunnel now. Just think how far you've already come from the start of your journey to becoming a family and see how little you have to go.


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## Loki Girl

Thanks Becs. Still feeling gutted but it's more at the system as I know damn well there is no way the outcome could be any different other than us adopting these children. It is just so frustrating when they are given chance after chance and this guy hasn't even been on the scene in months. I know we are lucky compared to some and only have to wait another week but just seems we have waited so long because we waited longer to put our little ladies application in cus we wanted the 2 of them to be together. They wouldn't issue little lady's yesterday either but think that's just cus it was put in jointly. What's another week in the grand scheme of all the waiting we have done upto now anyways lol. 

Would of been lovely to of been celebrating on same day as you FMN but never mind xx


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## liveinhope

Great news FMN. enjoy the celebrations,  He is yours forever


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## Tw1nk82

FMN thats fantastic news i bet you are over the moon. Your little boy is finally yours forever. That is amazing xxxx


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## Cbelle1

Fantastic news fmn!!! What a lovely post- I can't wait to be there!

Loki- hang on in there, I know things are hard at the mo but it will come good xx

We met our 2 lo's sw yesterday and it went really well! She was lovely (think I liked her better than our sw!) and she didn't have any questions for us as the par was so well written! She said she is happy with everything but can't officially confirm everything until she speaks to her manager next week  

And of course then there's the small matter of the placement order, but bf are not contesting it so it should be straight forward- famous last words!!!

Xx


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## becs40

Cbelle fab news, fingers crossed for you! We too liked our sons sw much better than our own!


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## ciacox

Congrats FMN!!! Delighted for your news. Hope you won't be far behind Loki. And good to hear your news to CBelle. xxx


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## Hopefull 37

Hi Ladies, 

Heard from another local authority that they aren't registering for any prospective adopters for the child/children we#re looking for. I am feeling very frustrated and wondering what to do now. It's more waiting and wondering.

Congrats to all the ladies who have had good news today!


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## Cloudy

Hopefull - maybe have a chat with the girls on the 2016 thread as they are all just starting the process too so will be able to share their experience of what's happening at the moment for people applying for Stage One. 

Good luck xxx


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## Tictoc

Congrats FMN - it's always good to hear about the AO's going through whilst waiting. 

Great news  cbelle - ours sons social worker was our social worker so she had to do a quick handover of him to another SW 😆


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## Hopefull 37

Thanks Cloudy, do you have a link?


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## AoC

We're linked.  

A little blue, 2.5 yrs, a few month's development delay, but improving all the time.  He's described as playful, funny, cheeky.... in fact, a perfect match for us.

They seem to do it a bit topsy turvy where he's from, so there was a lengthy (2hrs, our SW said!) linking meeting today, then they're coming to visit on the 26th, then matching panel, if all goes well, on 15th March.

We're ecstatic!  After the long wait in general, and then knowing about this one since Nov, but not really expecting anything to happen for a long while, until we heard last week things were moving.... the weight coming off my shoulders is incredible.


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## Tictoc

Great news AOC - congratulations


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## Loki Girl

Absolutely thrilled for you AoC. Hope it won't be long before your little boy is home xx


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks so much everyone, still not sunk in that he's really forever ours.  All your words were really kind.  It's been what I have needed, I cannot tell you how much (well I bet I can!).  He's currently stood here making a racket, but wouldn't have it any other way.

Just trying to decide on a celebration party/idea/format, so any ideas grateful xx

So sad we didn't get to share this Loki, but will be jumping up and down, next week, when 2/3 won't be too bad!!

Chell there's nothing quite like it, ever, congrats!!

Aoc - so pleased to read your news.  Hope this next bit goes quick and he gets home soon.  I think long waits bring perfect lo's!!!

Still in awe of this little monkey  xx


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## Tw1nk82

AoC thats brilliant news congratulations. Hope the next few weeks fly by for you xxx


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## becs40

AOC fabulous news! The waiting from initial hearing about them is unbelievably tough so I'm sure you're thrilled to finally be moving forward!

FMN we hired our village hall for about £20 and some soft play and did a BBQ in the car park of the hall and invited friends and family. We had about 40 people including children which was really nice. It was also the first time we met up with foster family since he had been placed so 8 months in which was great and very very emotional to see them again.


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## Tw1nk82

Foster carer sent us videos of little lady today. I cried watching them. Cant wait until she is here with her big brother xx


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## PixieMcG

Wow so much good news so emotional reading the updates this morning.

Loki your doing extremely well hang in there huni.

We're two weeks tomorrow since little man was placed with us, it was great first few days then a temper tantrum few days at everything we did and now we're fingers crossed back to a better routine and he seems to have settled back down. At that age they really don't know what's happening so felt for him a little. My back hurts though because he's so heavy lifting him up and down all the time but I'm sure it will improve. 

We have a lawyer appointment in two weeks to get everything in place for the official permanence order. 13 weeks seems a long time and the financial costs to hire a lawyer are more than we expected. It will all be worth it in the end though.


----------



## Loki Girl

Contact still not going well. Birth mom missed last Wed and today they came to pick up littlest man half an hour early so wasn't ready but anyways got him in car and then the worker locked her keys in there with the baby!!!!! She lives a hour away so couldn't get spare keys, AA for an emergency with 3 week baby in car was going to be 50mins so we called fire brigade out who arrived in 5mins but then took half an hour to get him out so he had been in there for almost an hour. He had been asleep the whole time but was really hot so had to get him out of his suit pronto. Apparently then BM kicked off saying she wasn't happy but then I thought well you shouldn't of cancelled last week should you?!!! But now we are having to do double contact on Wed. Going to be fun as that will be DH's first day back at work and I will have to get baby up and ready for 9am. 

Things have been bit up and down as baby now seems to be going through a hold me phase especially during evening so makes the night time routine with the other 2 quite fraught. They know when there's only 1 parent trying to do bath and boy do they play on it. We will get there just going to take awhile. Not sure how things will go when DH back at work really not looking forward to it. Problem is I am not getting a break cus in afternoon when I get my break baby is playing up and by the time get him settled the other 2 are up!!! He manages to sleep all morning through their noise but then he won't settle in afternoon or sometimes evening and night. We don't get any rest till he is in bed at 11 then last night he was up every 2hrs!!!!

But they are amazing and when they are all behaving lol I feel very blessed. Just hope in a couple more weeks baby will be bit more settled and things will get easier.


----------



## Thepinklady

I can't believe that about car situation. I know it was an accident but really!! Loki have you tried a sling yet so you can wear lo around the house and free up your hands. I would advise stretchy wrap for a new born and can pick a relatively cheap one up on eBay that would start you off until you can get a better one that meets your particular needs. A local sling library would help with that. If you get lo used to being wrapped you will find he will sleep quite happily in it throughout the day freeing your hands. You will see s big difference in s couple of weeks with the length of time he will go sleeping and in bouncer etc.

Keep going knowing it will be all worthwhile in the long run! How is your support network working out?


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks pink lady. Yup def going to get a sling. An old friend is getting me one that her daughter used so just waiting. I think it will def help so have 2 hands to help the other 2. I think I have seen a sling library in our area too so will see what my friend has then may pop along to find something that may be suitable. We are also investing in a swing rocker chair thing as he seems to be liked to be rocked so will have that tomorrow. It's hard when all 3 want attention and always at same time lol. Hopefully in years to come they will all play happily - hahahaha!!!


----------



## becs40

Loki that's awful about little man being locked in the car! I know an accident but woeful service from the aa in a situation like that! I'm sure the sling will make a huge difference in you'll have both hands free to get on with things without worrying. 
Our FC also bought an automatic pram rocker that she had set up in the lounge and just used to put the pram on there and put our lo down for naps in it and switch it on. She said it was the best thing she's ever bought!


----------



## Tictoc

If that was you that had accidentally locked him in the car it would have been a different story! Poor little thing - am glad he slept through it.

I was just going to recommend some kind of carrier but becs beat me to it. I know mine was much older when he came home but when he wanted carrying all the time I wouldn't have been able to do anything if I hadn't had a carrier - I have ever intention of having the next one in it as much as possible.

Things must be so hard right now but I know you can get through it and things will settle down at some point.


----------



## PixieMcG

Loki that's just awful.


----------



## Primmer

Feeling sad - our little cat had to be put to sleep last night due to kidney failure. She was 18.5 years old and a real character but she detiorated quickly and was very poorly. We have matching panel this Thursday and our photo book has a pic of our cat which we now need to take out. Our SW can't make matching panel as she is on leave and so the team manager who we have never met was coming with us instead but now she is off sick and so an assistant manager who again we have never met is coming with us - given all the things that have gone wrong this just feels like another pending disaster but appreciate my mood at the moment has taken a plunge.


----------



## AoC

Ah, Primmer, I'm so sorry.   A stressful time anyway, and then a loss like that... I've found in the long run that children are the best therapy for pet loss grief. I'm sure MPANEL will be fine, and because they don't know you they'll make sure they prep properly and will be on their mettle!

Loki that's awful! Hang on in there....

Pixie, do you mind my asking why you're paying legal costs, not placing authority? 

I'm getting quite anxious about not having a ball park date for intros. I know it's early days, but there are so many things to plan around it.... I get quite wobbly with scheduling uncertainty.


----------



## Tw1nk82

Im so sorry primmer. We lost one of our dogs just before matching panel. They are such a big loss. Im sure matching panel will be fine. Everything they need to know about you is in your PAR and they will also ask you some questions too. I dont think our sw really did anything so dont worry too much xxx

Aoc i hope you get your intro date sorted soon. We are waiting for our plan of intros so we can plan our days around them. This time we also have to think about what our little man might want to do too xx

Loki that is awful what happened to your LO xx


----------



## PixieMcG

AOC ours is a relinquish therefore placing authority don't pay those costs as its not a child that they have removed. Also means that they have very little they can do in terms of placement it was all mostly driven by the BM hospital social worker. Our profile was submitted to her and she chose us at our little ones parents we also had to meet her prior to meeting him, she wanted to be comfortable she made the right choice. 

Our planning therefore was really different and it took two and a half months from us being linked to being placed.


----------



## PixieMcG

Primer so sorry for your loss.


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww Primmer. So sorry on the loss of your cat. They are such members of the family and such a huge loss when they leave us. We lost our younger cat 2 days after little man came home.  Sending huge hugs and hoping that meeting your little boy will ease the pain. Your matching panel will be fine - hang in there it's nearly time to bring your little boy home xx


----------



## AoC

Ah, I understand Pixie.  Sorry I hadn't realised that, thank you for explaining.  

Thanks guys.


----------



## ciacox

I'm so sorry Primmer. And sorry that your LO won't get to meet yr cat. I'm sure MP panel will go fine. Not long now!

Hope you get dates soon AoC. Very excited about your new addition. Does Bug know yet?

1 week since our LO came home and our first wobbly day yesterday. Nothing awful, just all of us losing our stride a bit. Cub fell off roundabout thing in park in the morning resulting in big bump to the head and tears. DP felt awful and the resulting trip in park was not really fun for any of us. I spoke to FC in the afternoon for a bit of an update. I asked her if she went to him when he wakes up in the night fussing. Not crying out,  just whimpering a bit. We hadn't been as he sounds half asleep and he goes back over within a few mins. We thought going in would wake him too much.  She said that she hadn't really heard him do that but she would recommend going in to reassure him. So I felt awful. Firstly bcse he's whimpering in the night in a way he didn't before which means he's sad (I know, no surprise there..) and secondly because we've been leaving him on his own when he's sad. Oh god,  worst mummy ever. Anyway, that precipitated a confidence crisis. A couple of hours of thinking that I'm a total amateur at looking after a child at all, let alone one that needs extra sensitivity and care.

Later a neighbour brought over a train set for Cub. It was an old one, had been hers and then her son's. I was a bit surprised that she'd give it to us but didn't feel I could refuse the gesture so made a big fuss about how generous and lovely she was. She seemed a bit awkward and then when she'd gone I read the accompanying note which was to Cub inviting him to borrow the set while they were away for half term... Cue massive cringing! 

And Cub seemed very stressed and sad yesterday. So today we've declared a staying at home day. Not going to leave at all and just going to stay in and be cosy. We've also decided to have the TV on for a couple of hours this afternoon. This has been a tricky one as TV was always on at FCs but we never watch it (in fact we don't have one, so by TV in our house I mean catch up on laptop). Since he's been here we've watched in the night garden every night after bath but nothing else. Ideally we'll phase that out in favour of stories (which he hasn't had before). But I think I need to remind myself how many changes he's already had and if there are simple things we can do to make our home a little less unfamiliar for now we should just prioritise those.

Sorry - massive essay! Didn't realise I had so much to say!


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## becs40

Primmer, so sad. We lost our doggy in September and it's still hurts so I can imagine how hard it is at such a tricky time too. MP will be great but it still won't stop you fretting, just focus on the after for now and it will soon be out of the way and you'll be so close to your family then. 

Ciacox it's so hard in the early days and I'm sure there'll be many more wobbles. You're not a bad mummy at all just a new one who's finding her way in the same way most other mum's do with newborns, difference is they're a lot easier than an older child with real emotions, experiencing loss for at least the second time so don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes because every child is as unique as every parent and every situation. The books can give you the general gist of care etc but the rest we have to do our best and learn as we go. There's always something we wish we could go back and re do differently but the key is to accept we can't change it but recognise that in doing it that way first it's helped us to see something we wanted or needed to change to become a better parent.


----------



## dimplesforever

Primmer - sorry about your cat.  In the end I was at MP without my SW or LO's SW and it didn't make any difference.  If anything they were a little gentler with me!

Ciacox - you can only do what feels right at the time and to be honest I would probably have done as you have if these are v short not proper wake ups.  The other thing I was thinking is that maybe he did stir a bit at FCs but they may not have heard.  In the first few months with my LO I slept v lightly and heard every cough, murmur, whimper etc.  now I sleep more deeply again and if he cries I wake up straight away but I am not as conscious of every noise he makes.


----------



## hellokitty

Primmer, so sorry about your cat. We lost our dog a few years ago and I still miss him everyday.

As for social worker not being at matching panel, don't worry ours wasn't either, we had another lady from agency come. All the information they need would be on your PAR, the panel just asked the social worker more about post adoption support etc rather than anything about us.

Good luck, try not to worry. From what I read on this forum and experience matching panel is another formality, I believe that the process wouldn't have got you this far if they weren't positive about you.


----------



## Loki Girl

Livid doesn't come close to how I am feeling today after little one came back from contact. He was gone from 10.05 to 2.30 cus he had double contact supposedly from 10.30-1.30 but the contact worker took him to the wrong place!! Don't even get me started on that but the contact book came back and BM had wrote that she wasn't happy with his clothes and they smelt of sick and wee!!!!! How dare she. He had had a bath and clean clothes this morning. The contact worker said she had smelt them and couldn't smell anything but BM changed him anyways. Why is she doing this? I can't go through contact twice a week if she continues writing things like this. I know I shouldn't take it personally but unfortunately I do cus I am upset someone like her accuses me of sending my baby out in what sounds like sicky wet clothes!!! He is never sick anyways. I have complained to social worker cus don't know what else to do. I know it's her being her but guess I am frightened of repercussions if she kicks up a right fuss and maybe they won't allow him to stay which I know is prob ridiculous but you know the thoughts we have go round our heads. 

I won't say anything to her and will just write next week as if nothing has happened which I guess is the only thing I can do. But not looking forward to this twice a week for the next few months. Hopefully I will learn not to take it personally. Makes me laugh tho that she is sending clothes for him that stink of smoke!!!

Anyone else done contact with these problems?


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki  , sadly it is a pretty typical contact in my experience. You have to try not to think about what she is saying but her reasons. It isn't because he smells of wee or sick but it's because it gives her the opportunity to feel like a mum and to change him and do the things that mums do. Of course she can't be his mum but during the contact sessions is the only opportunity she has to be his mum for the short while. It's just her way of asserting herself and getting the opportunity to do a teeny bit of parenting. Of course she can feed him and change him but being a parent is so much more than that and that's why she isn't going be allowed to parent him. It really isn't personal and she knows as does everyone else that those sorts of comments are totally unfounded. Don't let it worry you. As for sw's they see this all the time and the session supervisor is also there to say if anything was amiss.
I'm certain she'll continue in this way but will hopefully settle. I would just say next time " he's not a sickly baby and maybe he'd got a very wet nappy due to the delay in getting there so you've made sure there are some spare clothes in the bag in case of any further problems. If she sees you're not upset by the comments she might ease off.


----------



## Thepinklady

Oh Loki, sorry to hear this. We were fortunate that in our case we never had issues with BM complaining about things but we had been warned that this was a real possibility. It is usually just BM's way of asserting her authority. They have so little control over things that often this is the only way they feel like they can. Also in our case we met mum directly each contact as we did the handover although a SW was present. I think this helped as they are less likely to say things face to face. It is easier to write things in a book when it is going to a faceless person. One thing we did was to try and build a relationship with mum through little things that said we acknowledge that she was mum! We were giving her her place in the hope that if she was likely to want to say negative things she would find it harder as we were being nice to her. I would regularly pass her pictures of LO, put little gifts in the car seat along with LO, supposedly from LO with a note: saw this and thought of you mummy, love x etc. (chocolate heart on Valentine's, framed photo and footprint of LO on Mother's Day, personalised cupcakes for Easter, special single flower picked by LO especially, a shell from a trip to the beach).

I know this is the last thing you might want to do but if it gets her onside it might help. I don't know her story and background so don't know how hard it is for you to try and get over these to show her respect but for your own sanity over the next number of months you might need to try and find a way of seeing her in a positive light so that you don't get yourself down. 

Hope things improve in time. With regards the SW they will have seen all this before and will take all the BM says with a pinch of salt. Yes if she makes an allegation they will be required to investigate but if you have followed all procedures correctly you will know you have nothing to worry about and the SW will reassure you of this. I hope you have your own SW who you can talk to and off load to. I am sure she will reassure you.


----------



## Primmer

so pleased we were approved at matching panel today! We are going to be a mummy and daddy!! Introductions due to start on 29 Feb x


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## AoC

Congratulations, Primmer, that's fantastic!!!  And a nice short wait till intros, too.


----------



## Cbelle1

Congrats primmer, such fantastic news!!

Xx


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## liveinhope

Fantastic news Primmer, so delighted for you


----------



## Ozzycat

Whooooo primer so excited for you xxx


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## Loki Girl

Primmer so thrilled to read your news. Enjoy celebrating and getting everything ready!! Won't be long and your little man will be home


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## Norma12

Congrats Primmer cxxx


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## PixieMcG

Well done primmer 

Oh Loki I don't know what to say huni, just hang in there you're doing fab.

Our little one is more settled and each day gets better with him, he's been great mostly just evenings were rough. He's brilliant with visitors and family. Only been two and a half weeks x


----------



## Tw1nk82

Primmer fantastic news. We will be doing intros pretty much the same time. Ours starts on the 2nd of march xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Primmer congrats on your little man.... Your match will be perfect X enjoy this time getting ready xx


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## Forgetmenot

And you twink..... Not much longer!!! 

Exciting times X

Loki, can't believe all the stories, shocking.  Hope you guys are hanging in there xx


----------



## Primmer

Thanks for all the lovely messages - still hasn't sunk in! Off to work today to tell managers that next Friday will be my last day at work! Going to take two weeks leave for introductions and then adoption leave from when placement starts.

Twink - how exciting, not long to go for you either till you meet your little one!


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## becs40

Yay congrats Primmer! Busy time ahead getting ready. Enjoy!


----------



## Loki Girl

Finally I can write the post I have longed for. Our 2 eldest toddlers are officially ours!!!! Adoption orders were granted today and I am just beside myself to know finally that is it for these 2. Just baby to sort out lol. No issues from little man's dad putting his statement in this week as apparantly he is in prison!!! And they decided last week he should be given another chance to put a statement in. Honestly!! But all behind us now and we can look forward to our hearing in March. So now planning what to do to celebrate.

Paternity also came back for littlest man and it is the 3rd different dad. They think assessment will be fairly quick as it pretty much sounds like a lost cause and has to be done for 18th March so hoping placement order will be granted quite quickly and hopefully nothing comes to light that would mess things up.


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## Tw1nk82

Thats brilliant news loki congratulations xxx


----------



## Primmer

Congrats Loki, fantastic news!


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## PixieMcG

Great news Loki


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## Cbelle1

Amazing news Loki -congrats!!!!
Xx


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## Forgetmenot

Yeah Loki! What a feeling it is... Not describe or anything tangible, but different.
I feel the weight of the world was lifted. In honestly cried for two days.... Think the emotion of everything finally being released.
It's such a great feeling and so so happy you are finally there with the big two (big, still babies!!).
Congrats you deserve this lovely lady..... We finally made it hey! Mummies xx

I am so upset with our families. After years of dropping everything, going to kid events after IVF failure after mc and chemicals, we family have our party.... And well some people aren't coming (and I am so beeped off I cannot tell you!).

What is the point of having a family party where they all can't come.... One comment was there will be other parties! What does this say to our son.  I feel like cancelling it.  Hey ho... Me moaning!

Have a great weekend xx


----------



## Loki Girl

Thanks FMN. It's weird although have felt they were mine you are right yesterday was such a different feeling can't really describe it. But they had lots of hugs and kisses lol. 

We are not sure what to do. Our house isn't huge but added up with both families and support network and we would like to invite their foster carer's would be about 30 people with bout 8 kids. We don't have any little friends yet as all our friends kids have grown up lol. So not sure whether to just try and find a little room and have a buffet and try and think of something that would entertain the kids. It's a difficult one. 

I know what you mean about family members. Our little ladies birthday is the day after my sister in laws. My brother has a strange situation in that they remain married but live in different houses. Don't ask it's a weird story we don't understand but prob has a lot to do with my brothers young spoilt stepson but anyways they wouldn't come to the kids birthdays because it was my sister in laws birthday. I thought maybe since she had had 42yrs worth of birthdays maybe they would like to help celebrate their niece and nephews first birthdays with us but no so doubt they will come any year now. I was upset but if they don't want to know them tough. They just don't see it like us that this such a big deal and important for the kids when they grow up to see us celebrating they are ours and how happy we are. I know you don't need a big party to show that but would be nice if you are inviting family members for them to make a wee bit of an effort.


----------



## Ozzycat

Amazing news Loki... 2 down 1 to go x
FMN sending hugs, don't take it personally... my best friend, who's got 2 kids and I've spent years buying presents for didn't send my munchkin a birthday card and when I confronted her she replied "well I don't give my own children cards"!!
Once I explained that actually I would cry while walking around the shops looking for the perfect present for her 2 I think she understood a little as to why a card might of been important to me.
Your gorgeous baby boy to them is just another member of the family, they forget all the heartache we went through to get there... little milestones are massive to us but not to other people x
Weve got family saying they can't take time off work for munchkins celebration hearing and were upset but we've just gotta go with it x
Happy weekend everyone 😗


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki, absolutely brilliant news! So thrilled for you! I bet that's taken a weight off now, no more sw visits or reviews for those 2 now! Hopefully things will settle quickly for littlest man now and things move quickly to placement order where at least contact will stop then.

FMN   It's so hard, Ozzy is right unless people have been through everything we have they don't understand the significance and the emotions tied up with the AO being granted. I think I'd got most of my disappointment of friends and family out of the way when little man was placed and I left work etc to nothing. I know it was quite sudden in the end but that doesn't stop people at least sending cards. I was deeply hurt by the lack of acknowledgement that this had finally happened for us. Even my own mother didn't get a card!
So by the time we got to AO my expectations were low!
Those that truly matter will be there to celebrate with you, and those that aren't well it's their loss to not want to share in such a joyous event.


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## Loki Girl

Bit more good news from us if it stands lol. Had our LAC review yesterday. We made sure little lady went down for a later nap so she wasn't here with the horrible IRO lady I don't like lol. Actually she wasn't too bad. Said we were doing an amazing job and even agreed to name change for littlest man - phew cus we we're keeping what we are calling him lol. They agreed on safety issues it was too way out there combined with the plain names of the other 2 and would be too traceable. It did turn into a bit of a spy saga when she asked the social workers how they were safeguarding the baby and contact worker to and from contact to make sure they weren't followed!!! The social workers didn't have an answer for that lol. 

But anyways turns out from yesterday the dad doesn't want to be assessed ad he went to his solicitor yesterday to have the papers drawn up to confirm. If that's the case then we are home and dry for assessments and placement order will be heard on 13th May (tho that is Fri 13th  ) If we get the placement order then then we will be able to apply for his adoption order straight away!!!!! Can't believe all 3 could be officially ours by Sumer then completely bye bye social workers and meetings etc lol. 

Went to see a pre school with little lady yesterday. It was lovely. I think she will do great with it and think it's what she needs now to be with other children her age. Not sure Mummy will be ready to leave her lol but they said they will do what's best for her not me lol. I can stay for as long as she needs me too so may have to enlist grandparents to help out with boys while I take her. They all have little uniform tshirts and sweatshirts it is so cute lol.  We are just waiting on the confirmation email she can get funding then she could start next week. We are thinking just 2 mornings a week for now see how she gets on. Also going to do it on contact days because for now that gives me a bit of one on one with big man and I think he needs it at the mo as he has been a bit out of sorts. He's always the one who is last for attention bless him. Although getting all 3 out of the door and to school for 9am is going to be a major challenge. We would have to be there for like 8.30 to get parking as the pre school is in a building on a junior school site. I have warned them she may not always be on time lol. She still sleeps in afternoon for now so will have to be mornings. 

But for now everyone doing well. I am settling into having the 3 on my own but am having a lot of help from grandparents. Think it will really take the strain off with little lady at pre school. Lack of sleep still a major issue but littlest man is upping his feeds to about 5oz sometimes so that is belong him sleep a bit longer. He is up at 12 then 4 but then sometimes he is restless and awake on and off from then whinging and restless so find that difficult. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok.


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## Tictoc

Great news Loki - I hope you get that PO as soon as possible. Also good news on the name - I don't know if you have caught up on other threads but we got a refusal for name change which I am not thrilled about. On the plus side seems like he will be here next week - arghhh! We can whinge together about our lack of sleep as have been told he is in no routine and is sleeping during the day and awake at night! I don't even like red bull so not sure what is going to pull me through this 😀

Glad to hear you have got pre school almost sorted - I hope she enjoys it


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## becs40

Ah Loki that's brilliant news all round! Fingers crossed for a swift move to placement order!
Great idea and timing for pre school for little lady too, that should take a hit of pressure off - other than the actual getting there of course  !
How's contact going, have things settled a bit or still just as crap?
Tictoc to quote someone on our prep course "well once they're yours you can do what you like as its nothing to do with ss anymore!"  Rather worryingly they were actually referring to contact rather than name change. I wonder if they ever did get approved?  
Well we've had a busy few days. Had loads more stock arrive so had to get that all on the website and been busy ******** advertising for it! Starting to pay off a bit but my hopes of paying a few bills each month may be optimistic unless of course I'm referring to my mobile bill possibly   it's early days and I know I've never bought t-shirts and shorts in flipping February so I'm not overly worried yet!
Little man has been sleeping until 6 of late and having a lunchtime nap so thought we'd finally cracked it then we were up at 4.30 today. Took him to see the flying Scotsman to keep him awake until 10 when he fell asleep literally walking in the front door and slept for 3 hours so that got us to normal bedtime again. So hoping we have a better night tonight and can get back in track. Judging by the current banging of legs in his cot I'm thinking it somewhat unlikely on either count! (This is his way of getting to sleep, laying on his front banging his legs down onto the mattress like a fish  Nice and calming obviously!)


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## Forgetmenot

Loki great news!  You are sound so much happier now there is light at the end of the tunnel!! Crazy mum of three, love it!!

Tictoc, wow, great news he's coming home.  Nick names all the way for now! How exciting.  You won't believe how tired you can be but all worth while X

Thanks ozzy how's little lady? X

Becs hope little man slept better.  We seem to be there.  We go from 630 at night to around 5-5.30 where he generally has a little cuddle and can sleep for another 30 mins to an hour and a half!  He also now has a nap in the afternoon.  Really is true, sleep breeds sleep.  He's happier for it.

We are having a week of sickness and very sloppy nappies.  Every day getting through a number of outfit changes.  He seems ok then by afternoon back to chaos.  hV said if eating and drinking then ok.  But going to phone docs today.  I did think bug, but possibly teeth.  Whose knows, but he's defiantly not 100%.

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## AoC

We've just had LO's SW visit.  All is well, and it's Matching Panel on 14th MArch, with possible intro start on 29th March.


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## liveinhope

That's great news AoC


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## Forgetmenot

Wow! Only a month to go! Huge congrats.  So pleased for you xx


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## Tictoc

Congratulations AOC - almost time for a shopping spree 😆


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## Tw1nk82

Loki fantastic news xxx

Aoc congratulations xxx


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## Primmer

AOC - such great news x


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## Loki Girl

That's brilliant AoC. This month will fly by congratulations!!!!

Had the worst day yesterday. God knows what was up with littlest man. He cried and cried the whole day and wouldn't sleep longer than 10mins. Because he was so time consuming the other two took full advantage. It was such a shame after we had had such a brilliant day the day before. I guess that's kids for you lol. After finally getting him into bed at 10pm baby had a pretty good decent night so that's was good as we were shattered and wasn't sure I could cope with him being like that all night too. Thankfully this morn he seems more settled. Either that or he is exhausted from yesterday lol. Someone told me about the wonder weeks and apparently 5 weeks is a key point. He will be 5 weeks on Wed so maybe that had something to do with it. At least it's the weekend and DH around. Off to pick up our new 2nd hand Zafira this morn which will stop Mummy being wedged in the back feeling car sick everytime we go it as a family of 5 lol. 

Little (big) lady is all set for pre school on Mon. Can't believe it. She looks so cute and grown up in her little school polo shirt and sweatshirt tho worryingly she is calling them her pyjamas?!!!!!! Don't aske me why lol. Have agreed with social services that my mom can be here to send littlest man to contact as big lady going Mon and Wed which gives me big man for some one on one for a couple of hours. I can stay as long as she needs me too but hoping there will be so much for her to do she will love it and I won't have to stay too long. Will see how she gets on on Mon. Poor Mummy needs the break but boy am I going to miss her!!! And worrying that 1st time parent of leaving her lol. Just hoping this is the best for her and me as I think never being apart for the last 8mths is not good for her or me and think she needs something more than her 2 younger brothers!!!!

Have a good weekend everyone x


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## Forgetmenot

Loki, down load wonder weeks app.  Seemed pretty inline with my lo highs and challenges lol!!

American... But hey, if you think it's only for a short period.... If it works go with the flow.  Someone told me about it!


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## becs40

AOC fab news! Time will fly.

Loki do download wonder weeks, it's actually based on due date rather than actual age. Although it doesn't actually do anything to help its kind of reassuring to see it making sense for the unsettledness. It's spookily accurate! 
Good luck for Monday.


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## Primmer

Intro planning meeting this morning and then meeting our little boy this afternoon - excited and terrified!!


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## liveinhope

Aww Primmer how exciting


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## Forgetmenot

Enjoy every minute X you deserve your time..... Be prepared to be totally overwhelmed!! Xxx


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## AoC

That's so cool, Primmer!  *wiggle* Best of good luck.  Remember, be kind to yourself.


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## Ozzycat

Yeahy primer. .. Can't wait to read ur updates x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Very happy for you Primmer, you've had such a journey to get here so I'm pleased to read it's finally all happening for you both xxxxx


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## PixieMcG

Good luck primmer that's amazing


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## Loki Girl

Aww fantastic. It's such an emotional amazing time. Enjoy your little man he is yours now xx


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## becs40

Aw good luck Primmer! It's a surreal moment! Enjoy.


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## Tw1nk82

I hope today has been amazing primmer. Im sure it has been. Cant wait for us two more sleeps xxx


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## Primmer

Was so amazing to meet him, we spent two hours with him, playing games and then a short tv programme to wind down a bit. A real chatterbox and so cute too. Hearing him call us mummy and daddy was surreal but amazing! 

Twink - not long now!


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## Norma12

Wow, glad you enjoyed it Primmer xx


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## ciacox

Congrats Primmer!!!


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## Cbelle1

So lovely to hear primmer!! You deserve this xx

We are off to the medical advisor tomorrow to talk about our 2 lo's, any advice on things to ask about?

Xx


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## Loki Girl

C Belle is there any specific worries for your Lo's? We met the medical advisor cus our little lady had had couple of seizures and we wanted some more info but we found the medical advisor was really good and did most of the talking and answered most of the questions we had anyways. Our little boys issues like heart murmur and lazy eye and all cleared up by the time we saw her so she just ran through his history. She also talked about their history and problems birth parents had and how this may come out in LO's so if you have any concerns there you could ask some questions relating to that. It's all a step in the right direction to getting them home. Keep going!!!

Hate to admit but feel I can do so on here that not coping very well at mo. It's very hard to admit that when we were the ones who took on these little ones all under 2. I think it's all at a head at the mo cus whenever baby is awake he seems to be crying and won't settle. The other 2 take advantage and there is a lot of shouting and screaming at the mo. Our little boy has learnt tantrums and seems to do nothing but cry as well and little lady just shouts and demands her own way. Yesterday was awful as I spent the whole 3hrs with little lady at pre school, as soon as I got home big man was crying, little man's contact had been cancelled by birth mother not showing again so my mum had had them. Both big man and little lady were tired as we had a slightly more busier Sun than normal. Big man then decided he wasn't napping well which woke up little lady. In the time they were asleep little man was just crying and crying. He had just fell asleep when the other 2 were awake and down and then the noise and shouting starts. I was just so exhausted from the constant shouting and crying and noise and starting days at 4/4.30 as little man doesn't settle very well after this. Big man had woke up crying at 1.30 so had had some milk but then he woke at 5.45 shouting and crying. We were determined he wasn't having any more milk as we are concerned about his weight but unfortunately he woke up little lady earlier than normal. Big man never gets up before 8.30 and then struggles to get to his nap at 1am so I knew I was in for rough day. My AF is due as well so know this is making things a 100% worse to the point I burst into tears at the prospect of another stressful day and bless him my DH is taking a half day to come home so I can get some sleep this afternoon. I just find it so stressful when little man doesn't want anything and is just crying, doesn't want milk, doesn't want dummy, don't want to be put down but wil cry in your arms. 

BUT I am very greatful and blessed and I couldn't be without them which is why I hate to complain but just needed to get it out lol. Of course with DH being home you watch them all be perfect and he will be like what are you moaning about lol. I read that babies crying peaks at 6 weeks. Someone please tell me that is true as only another week to go hahaha


----------



## Forgetmenot

Loki DONT FEEL GULLTY in moaning! It's allowed.  Anyone would be struggling with lack of sleep and three kiddies under three, so don't beat yourself up! Bad days will happen often and then one day it will just click and there will be fewer, goodness knows having a few bad ones with one lol.

You will get through it.  Think lack of sleep is a killer.

Stay strong and take any offer of help going  xxx


----------



## Ozzycat

Loki I think ur superwoman. .. there are days I won't to run away and hide and I have an easy 15months old!! So ur amazing x
Moan away non of us would ever judge xx


----------



## Tictoc

Loki - you're expecting too much of yourself if you think you should actually be coping fine. The two orders ones life's have been turned upside down again so they are bound to take some time to adjust again, the youngest is also going to take some time to get into a routine and having two others so young is really hard! It will all be worth it in the end though.

Can you use your mum for an hour or two here and there to get a bit of sleep yourself - it might be a tough hour or two for her but she can go home to quiet afterwards. Stop trying to be superwoman and take every bit of help you can. Also moan as much as you want - I know when you adopt you are supposed to be so grateful you don't complain but we all know where you are coming from so moan to us!


----------



## AoC

Loki, excuse the post-and-run,  but is there any chance LO has reflux or lactose intolerance?


----------



## Thepinklady

Loki, I can not even begin to imagine how you cope so don't be hard on yourself? I can't remember whether you have said if you have tried baby wearing with LO. If you haven't I pull try to get a good stretchy wrap and try to wear hi. As much as possible. You might find he settles and sleeps a lot more as you go about your business with the other two. Sorry if you have already tried this!

You have my full admiration. I also second trying to get various friends and family round for an hour or so each day! It is time to use and abuse your support network!


----------



## alig1972

Loki, we just finished our prep training this weekend and we had a previous adopter give a talk. She said she was so tired in the first few weeks, that she said ignore all the information on attachment etc and use your support network where you can as that is what they are for. You need to look after yourself, as if you don't then you can't look after the children...

And don't be so hard on yourself, as from what I have read you are doing an amazing job!


----------



## Primmer

Loki - you can say what you like on here, that's the great thing About this forum. Anyway, I think it's perfectly normal to feel like your struggling with all that is going on, be kind to yourself and try to get some me time.

Day 2 of intros today - been with him from 10am to 3pm playing games and using sticker books. Very tired but very happy, he is such a lovely little boy.


----------



## becs40

Aw Loki we all feel guilty when we're struggling and not enjoying it because it's what we wanted but that doesn't mean to say life isn't just a little bit **** at times! We all know it's about the bigger picture and this period is almost certainly going to be your most challenging but you will get through it and better days will come. You're way too hard on yourself. Most mum's with a 5 week old baby will be struggling at times without a 1 and 2 year old thrown into the equation let alone blooming sw's too!
Definitely do the wrap thing with littlie, don't worry about all the nonsense you hear about them then wanting to be held and carried all the time it's rollocks! It actually makes them more independent and less clingy! Ironically by also giving you more independence, you can stick him in the wrap and quite literally forget about him whilst you get on with what you need to. He'll be comfy and settled and it will also help with anything like reflux too.
Things will settle but unfortunately with 3 so young they'll all have their development phases and grumpy bits and it's likely to all be at different times so you'll get through this but with littlest and the next one will start but it's early days and you just need to find your feet and your coping mechanisms. Don't add guilt to your list of challenges because you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about, you are doing an amazingly difficult job and you are coping. It might not feel like it but you are. If all 3 are clean, washed, dressed and fed then everything else is a bonus at the moment. You need to find your family routine that gives you and dh a little time out which is easier said than done. That will come though as littlest gets into a routine, it may even be if he has a decent hour or so nap at a regular time that dh takes the other 2 out and you enjoy a nap or a bath but not housework! If you do the sling thing then you could go for a nice walk with the dog. You'll work it out it just takes time to find your stride.
And just think 3 X the Mother's Day love on Sunday!


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## PixieMcG

Awe Loki I honestly admire your strength and please don't worry to admit your struggling with three babies that's perfectly normal. You are all adjusting to a new baby, your older babies are used to just the four of you. It will all hopefully settle soon. 

I am honestly finding it difficult adjusting to just having the one never mind three. Your doing fab.


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## Loki Girl

Ladies u are all brill thank you. Had a lovely 2hr nap yesterday and felt much better but now it's prob ruined as couldn't get little man to sleep till 11pm, feeding at 1.30am and 4.30am then he just wouldn't go back to sleep. I finally bought him downstairs at 5.30am but my mistake as should of done it sooner as he woke little lady and she wil never go back to sleep once she has woken early so now the poor thing has to endure her first 3hrs of pre school on her own and is going to be literally exhausted from being woken up at 5.30!!!! We have worked long and tirelessly to get her sleeping to gone 7am and don't want it now to become a nasty habit she is back to waking before 6am cus of her brother!!!!! It's now 6.30 and little blinker still won't settle!!!

I know what u all mean about the sling and would love to. I had been given one off my friends daughter but it was too bulky in house and was a faff to put on. Also little lady played up so much because she hated me wearing it or felt she needed to be carried around instead not sure what that I gave up. I'm thinking one would be easier to get into pre school tho. They only have a little foyer and you have to faff about hanging her coat up, finding her photo for her to put on board, signing her in all along with 15 other parents. There would be no room for me and my massive double buggy!!! Will have to make sure I am last all the time lol. 

Anyways you are all right. It won't last forever and hopefully littlest man will settle into a routine that involves not going back to sleep at 4.30 every morning!!!

Also wasn't good that in my sleep deprived emotions of yesterday met my parents for coffee as we normally do and they inform me they have booked to go to Tenerife for 6mths in October!!!!!!! They lived there for 10yrs and came back 3yrs ago as it was too hot and they wanted to be back near family. They spent a month there over Xmas so didn't see their grandkids for their first Xmas and now this!!! They will miss all their birthdays including littlest man's first and Christmas again. They are my main support as they live the closest and I know I shouldn't be selfish they have their own lives to lead but feel really peed off. DH's parents are ok but they live 45mins away so not exactly close in an emergency. Just things like what if one of the boys was ill or started being sick and had to get little lady to pre school etc couldn't just call on them to come over. Will have to get DH's parents to do it and with his dad being terminally ill who knows what will be happening in Oct. They won't even come to the kids celebration hearing cus they can't get into the city for 9.30!!! Why not you just get up and get on a train like we are going to do with 3 kids in tow!!! They don't live any further from the city than we do!!! Anyways guess better try to find some back up babysitters or move house close to our friends. No more coffee dates every week with my parents which we all enjoy. I just don't understand when they have gone on and on for years about grandkids then can just decide to disappear out of their lives for 6mths!!! Also they rent my house so God knows how much our landlord insurance wil go up by but they don't think of that. Will just have to manage with DH's help. His work is pretty good so he will prob end up working from home a lot more. Guess better get practising to coping on my own.  Hopefully by Oct things should be better with a 9mth old, nearly 2 and nearly 3yr old lol. 

Oh well baby finally asleep but with noisy shouty little lady up I doubt for long. He should be at contact today if it doesn't get cancelled so he should be tired this afternoon but then no rest for me cus bloody social worker due during kids naps. Roll on weekend lol. 

Have a good one ladies and promise no more moany posts from me lol xx


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## becs40

Oh blimey Loki! I'd be really upset and pee'd off as well! Mind you I thought my mum would be pretty much our support network as she was so good with my nephews. They had them loads when they were babies, often overnight even the odd weekend when my bro went away but she can't manage little man for more than a couple of hours so I never ask now unless it's us going out when he's asleep. So no break since little man arrived nearly 15 months ago. 
No reason for why she can't do it just she finds it tiring and hard! Really Hadn't noticed!  
I get asked if I'd mind "popping" to the chemist to pick up prescriptions rather than my dad driving past it on his way home. "Popping" with a toddler is a completely unachievable notion! It's a few miles to the chemist then to my parents so it's probably a 45 minute job without the added toddler factor! I don't trust him to not clear the shelves in there so I either have to take the buggy or sling and put him in that. Latest drama was dh picked up the last one and lost the repeat prescription bit as they didn't ask him for it at the time! Now they've asked about it a few times in the past couple of weeks and he's said he'd look for it again. Then last night histrionics because she needs to collect it before we go away on Monday and they shut at the weekend, problem was easily solved by ringing GP and asking for repeat to be sent directly to the chemist! Easy! Even easier is she could sign up to the online way and tick a flipping box when she needs it and the chemist will deliver it like I do! 
We've also got to look after their dog for a week so they can go on a canal holiday in the uk so he could go with them but because he's a pain they want to leave him with me and a 2 year old. Not a problem in itself except little man wants to play with the dog and stroke him etc and dog wants to bite his face off! So that'll be a fun filled exhausting week making sure they don't have access to each other for even a second. But hey as long as they're enjoying a nice relaxing week from retirement why should I worry.
Hhmm me on the moaning now! Probably because little man has taken to getting up at 4-4.30 every day again. Discovered the boiler is cycling on during the night at that time and waking him then he won't go off again.


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## Loki Girl

Haha Becs. Your post made me smile. Pity we don't live close we could just have a 4.30am party!!!!! Your parents sound like mine. Then they go oh you won't ask for us to help but I am like um you are having the boys while I settle little lady in pre school, helping me on Thurs cus both boys having health assessments for 45mins each God help me with the active into everything toddler and the screaming baby but at least for now grandad can have little lady. And now I think what's the point if you are leaving. Then she will expect me to Skype like 3 times a week. We were trying to do Xmas presents on Xmas morning and there she was skyping and I am trying to enjoy my first Xmas, keep track of who bought what and stop big man from eating the paper and there she is on the iPad lol.  My DH is like that too. We had to register littlest man at doctor and I wanted DH to take forms in after work but then he was like oh it's just down the road you pop in. Um yeah so popping in means setting up the double buggy cus big man not so confident with walking outside yet even tho he tears around the house like a lunatic, get all 3 out of car and into buggy, walk into doctors watching toddler in busy car park, wait to hand in form with little lady prob screaming to be picked up and big man screaming cus buggy has stopped. Then walk back out get them all back in car and home. But you could get out of car, run in and run back to car. A no brainer as they say. Right must get back and prepare littlest man who should be off to contact leaving just me and grandparents and big man. 

Got to go and put deposit down in our hall for our celebration party which is exciting. Just having hall, buffet, and soft play for kids. Exciting lol

Just sitting outside pre school feeling a little bit upset. I should be proud my little lady went in on her own with no fussing but now I'm thinking did she get into the room and turn around and find me not there and is looking for me or is she happily getting on and playing!!!! I'm sure it's the latter. We did a lot of talking about saying bye bye Mummy while at pre school and she seemed OK with that just hope she understood this morn. Will phone half way through session to see how she is getting on. My baby    God help me when she starts school lol.


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## Tictoc

A bit of moaning on these boards is a good thing - it makes you remember that even though people's life's look all perfect and under control on the outside in reality everyone has their struggles. 

On the topic of parents my in laws asked DH the other night if I was going to be a bit more relaxed this time and would his mum actually be allowed to feed the baby (not yet placed but 10 week old baby!). She does my head in - why can't she understand i'm not being over the top amd actually trying to help our kids bond with us before throwing all the relatives into the mix. 

Waiting for the call from our SW to say how AO hearing went - scheduled for 10am so why haven't I heard!!


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## ciacox

Oh god, can I join on the topic of in laws? Mine are visiting on Sat to meet LO for the first time. We spent ages constructing a sensitive email about what how to interact with LO and attachment etc. Of course no one likes being told what they can and can't do with their own relatives. But we tried to make the email really warm and gentle. Anyway, my partner talked to his mum last night and apparently she was really sarcastic about it and acted like we are being totally over the top. Why can't people get over themselves? 

Loki - as I've said before you're my hero! If you're getting food into all those kids and rubbing off the worst of the weetabix cement you deserve a medal xxx


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## Tictoc

Ciacox - I think my husbands family now all just think of me as completely over protective and a bit annoying to be honest. His mum said would we like her to take the kids so we can have a night away together. Current youngest has been with us 6 months and baby about to be placed (hopefully) which obviously will turn everything upside down for a while so funnily enough a night away is not really what I am thinking they need right now. She's nuts and she thinks I am nuts! 

Anyway AO granted for our little boy today so woohoo! To be honest I am not interested in celebration hearing - he is 15 months and when we did our little girls she was more interested in going to a big toy shop and celebrating with us than going to court - opinions?

Is anyone with the London courts in Holborn? If so how long did it take to get the adoption certificate through so you can apply for the long one? I'm wondering how soon we can have a passport.


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## liveinhope

We are going to have a celebration hearing for DD but shes a year next week so will be oblivious to it all.  Our son was nearly 3 and after court we had a family meal and then a drop in at our house for more friends and family but wont do that for her.  Just back to our house for tea and cakes for those whod like to join us.  Her christening is 10 days after the celebration hearing anyway so seems silly to have things too close together!


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## Tictoc

We will be having baptism shortly after too and I think that's part of it - I don't need two parties to organise. Just with siblings and their kids we have over 60 people so nothing is a small affair


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## Tw1nk82

Today was amazing. Both kids were giving each other kisses and hugs. It made me cry xxx


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## AoC

So fabulous, Twink!


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## Primmer

How lovely Twink


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## becs40

Congrats tictoc that's fab news! We did a celebration hearing with our son, he was only 14 months so totally oblivious to it all. It is a bit of a non event but still glad we did it so we have the photos etc in his life story book. It's a very significant part of his and our lives and without the celebration hearing there's no point of reference to it so to speak. Now we have photos to reflect the significance but that's probably me being overly sentimental.

Twink how lovely, I'm sure it was very emotional!


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## Loki Girl

Enjoy it now Tw1nk before your little boy realises she is here to stay hahaha. Just joking lol. My 2 struggle to get along but think it's because especially with our little lady was on her own with foster carer's who sheltered her and doted on her so think she has always struggled a bit with big man. Littlest man she's great with. 

SW came yesterday and said they have approved us for a cleaner just need to decide if money is coming out of fostering or adoption lol. That's going to be a huge help to have a clean house in the midst of all the chaos lol. I can't stand a dirty house and it annoys me I can't keep up with it even knowing my little ones come first lol. But clean house is on its way woo hoo lol. 

I can't wait for our little celebration party too. I agree you don't have to do a party as anything you choose to do will be special and can be put in the life story books (our 2 are officially adopted and thank goodness we have littlest man cus their life story books are not done so they are getting away with it before our files are closed lol) but for us it was a nice way to get all our support network together and the foster carer's who we are still in touch with and help celebrate their final outcome. 

So first time at pre school on own was ok. Little lady went in on her own but I was worried she hadn't quite grasped the concept I wouldn't be behind her. They said to phone st 10.30 to see how she was and they said there had been a few tears when she realised I wasn't there and also some angry tears but that turned out to because she wouldn't sit on the mat for registration, she wanted to play with all the lovely new toys. Can't blame her for that one lol. She's only 2!!!  But they suggested I go back at 11 and spend the last hour with her which I did. It was lovely. When she saw me she shouted Mummy and flew into my arms - best feeling ever lol. Hopefully next week she will manage cus it really helped my day even just for that hour just to have one. 

Littlest man was much better last night and went back to sleep after 4 abd 5.30am bottles so that helped and little lady slept until 6.45 so much better than the 5.30 wake up call yesterday. Big man was a pain. Woke at 3.30 but because I only gave him 4oz milk decided to scream for an hour!!!! I don't want him to keep waking up for 8oz milk even tho if he gets it in night he doesn't get it in morning. I am paranoid about his weight so wondering if I should just slash milk. He has his health assessment today tho don't know if they will do it once they realised he is now officially adopted but if they don't the health visitor said she would weigh him next week. Little man has his assessment today as well.


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## PixieMcG

Wow great reading everyone's stories.

Loki you are amazing and im so glad they are finally getting you a cleaner to help out.  That will make such a difference.

I find my days never stop, we have had little fella with us for just over four weeks. He seems to have bonded really well with my Hubs who is still off work for another two week. I don't really feel like he had bonded as well with me but once hubs goes back to work then it will be just me and baby. 

Part of me thinks it's great my hubs is off to help out but part of me is getting frustrated as I feel like I can't get into a proper routine my way until he goes back as I appreciate he wants special time with little fella too and will miss a lot when he goes back to work.  I'm trying to be patient with him disrupting the routine, he is also the soft one and walks in to take baby if he cries while I'm doing something with him. 

We're going through a stage right now he's 8 months where he's finding that if he screams he gets attention. I'm trying to ignore the little murmurs but he will full blown scream arms straight if we try to do something he doesn't want like for example change him. 

He used to sleep through the night and is now crying in his sleep but not always waking and we're finding he's fighting nap time and bed time. 

Anyone else experience this and can tell me it's not just us. Starting to feel like we're doing something wrong.


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## becs40

Aw Loki great news on the cleaner front! And fab little lady being such a big girl at pre school!
I meant to say the other day when you said about her being jealous of you carrying little man, if she is into dolls you can get little doll carriers so she could be just like mummy! May or may not help but just a thought! 
Pixie our little man was the same during the night when he came at 6 months. It's a continual battle even now. He had been sleeping through until 6 but now it's flipping 4.30 every sodding day! Gggrr! This article made sense to me and was exactly as it was for us. Nap times have generally not been too bad but I have found often when they fight it it's because they're overtired so try bringing it forward 15 minutes early. Don't wait until they seem tired! Even dh struggles with this one after 15 months! He put little man down last night at 6.50 and he was hyper! He came downstairs and said " I left him alone to calm down a bit and I'll go back and try again in a bit, everyone thinks we put him to bed too early!" Hhmm cue interesting discussion with me proving the point and little man sparko asleep by 7! 
http://theadoptionsocial.com/blogless-blogging/problems-with-sleep-in-adoption/

/links


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## AoC

I have a leaving date for work.

And a signed photo of Mr Tumble, made out in Monkey's name.

Life is rocking here.... ggg


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## Tictoc

Pixie - I completely get what you mean about DH - lovely to have them around but they seriously mess up the routine. Mine also thinks I try to put the kids to bed too early and if he comes home early he makes me let them stay up later which always without fail results in an earlier morning and whining kids the next day.

Have decided celebration hearing will be a low key day and then we will invite FC, SW's etc to the baptism and party instead. 

Loki - very envious of you and your cleaner - the novelty of cleaning has really worn off after 6 months off work and doing it myself. Apparently we get some fostering allowance with LO so if that materialises I am going to be using a chunk of it for a cleaner - after all that means I have more time for LO so it will benefit him. Not sure how I can manage 4 kids, dropping to contact sessions 3 times a week and cleaning up after the lot of them!


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## PixieMcG

Thanks becs and tictoc. I will take a read at the article.


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## becs40

Tictoc that's how our celebration hearing was too. It was just us and my parents and the 2 sw's. We had a party a few weeks later just hired the village hall with soft play and did a BBQ in the car park for friends.


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## ciacox

Pixie - I'm also in the situation of LO being more affectionate with my partner than me. And I'm also ready for him to go back to work! Sometimes I don't mind at all and love seeing them snuggling and playing together. But sometimes it gets to me and I feel like a third wheel watching a love affair blossom... Trying to remember we're playing the long game and trying really hard not to react by distancing myself. From what I've read on here and heard from others this is not an unusual situation. Our LOs have usually had at least two women in their lives as their primary carers and both those women have disappeared. It might just take them longer to trust us. (Counselling myself here!).

Feeling blue today. LO is lovely, healthy, sleeping well and in terms of attachment and anxiety probably about where you'd expect. I think I just feel exhausted with thinking about everything and trying to get it right. And in laws are visiting at the wknd and I'm already annoyed with them so not a great start!


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## Tictoc

Ciacox - I think it's completely normal to be feeling blue - you've worked so hard to get to this point that when it actually comes it's a real emotional drain. And let's face it much as we might love our kids it can't be perfect all the time!

I think you're spot on about female carers and trusting mothers


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## PixieMcG

Ciacox I am so glad I read your post today. Hubs took the dog a walk and as soon as he left the little fella cried took me ages to settle him.  He just kept watching the door. 

I also understand the blues and the tiredness, over thinking worried if your doing everything right.

It will get better x


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## PixieMcG

On another note our little mans first birthday is the same week as my sisters wedding, my parents think having a first birthday is too much. 

Maybe we will just wait and have a celebration party when little man officially becomes ours. Anyone else have naming ceremony or christening etc.

Our little one BM is religious however didn't want little man going to a strict religious family, which we are not at all but would be nice to have some sort of celebration to bring him into the family.


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## ritzi

pixie - we had an adoption party and christening together following the adoption of our boys. we had it combined because we wanted to say welcome to the family and the wider church family - to celebrate them becoming ours, and of course you cannot have a Christening before the AO so it was the first opportunity and we are regular church goers so were keen to get them Christened. 


it was a really lovely day for us - and the bonus was it meant family/friends didn't have to travel twice! 


our little one had been with us a few weeks before the first birthday, and we felt it would be too much to do a first birthday party.....so we did a cake at home just us, took photos to mark the day for her memory box. Of course she won't remember but the piccies will be important later on. Could you and dh go out for a nice meal with LO, or just do something small at home maybe with grandparents to mark the special day?


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## becs40

Aw Ciacox it really does get better I promise. As Tictoc says this point is usually the culmination of years of dreams and hopes finally coming together after enduring much pain. As wonderful as it all is reality rarely lives up to our envisaged dreams lol at least not 24/7! It stirs up so many emotions and you really know tiredness like never before and yes the weight of responsibility hits that we need to get it right. Well to quote one of our sw's "there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you just need to be good enough!" 
Pixie our lo was 6 months when he came to us but we just had a special day out the 3 of us and then granny and granddad round for tea and cake. We then did a big party after the adoption order for friends and family.


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## ciacox

Thanks guys. Feeling better today. It's hard to be blue around this guy for long. He's just too funny!


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## Forgetmenot

We are having a nightmare with our arrangements!!

Making me really sad.  Brother in a really messy divorce, kids being used and now shadowing our event, typically!!

We have yet to have a court date, but decided that me hubby and baby will go plus sw. Will go out after for coffee or meal depending if they would come with us.  We have his party next weekend.

Hired a hall and bouncy castle soft play so hopefully will be exciting!! 

We are trying to sort out a baptism too, but don't know when they can fit us in. We could have done together but wanted to enjoy these moments!  But does create hassle for others (which is fine when it was us but not the other way around!!).  However, have decided to enjoy our choices... As long as our little boy has us there and having fun, we will be happy!

Sorry for the rant!! 

Hope everyone's party plans are coming along well xx


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## Primmer

First week of introductions done, we having a rest day today and then start intros again from tomorrow. Feels odd not seeing him today but we are due to speak to him on the phone today. We have not heard one thing from our social worker since intros began and only once from little ones social worker - is this normal?


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## liveinhope

I would have expected the social workers to be in touch with you more Primmer tbh.  If there's anything youre worried about, call them.  Enjoy your rest day


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## PixieMcG

Primmer we had contact with our SW daily some visitors some phonecall over the weekend period but we only had 5 day intros.


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## Tictoc

LO arrived last night - it is so weird having a baby that you don't know. Even though it wasn't that long ago when our older boy came home I had forgotten. I really feel like I am looking after someone else's child - I wonder how long that will last. Didn't get an awful lot of sleep last night either but the poor little thing was so unsettled - probably terrified wondering who the hell we are.

We went out for a walk earlier on and I put him in the baby carrier - I think Might be talking rubbish but I am sure I could feel the tension from him coming through to me - could feel it in my stomach. 

Kids are so accepting it's funny. I got the call yesterday at 3:30 on the way back from school and it's like by this morning he's already a member of the family.


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## Loki Girl

Primmer. I think we only heard from our SW once a week as they wanted us to concentrate on bonding with LO but they always said to phone them if there was a problem. Glad it's all going well. How long before he is home?

Tictoc - fabulous news he's home finally. I can imagine he would be terrified not knowing what is going on. Give him a couple of days to settle in and then hopefully your nights will be better.


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## Primmer

We have another week of introductions and then he is due to move in 13 Feb. This week we have been at foster carers house every day with trips out. Next week he is at our house every day which is a lot of travelling for him as its about an hour & half each way!


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## PixieMcG

Awe primmer one week left to go and then is it move in day?


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## Thepinklady

Tictoc, exciting. Am I right in thinking LO is about 10 weeks. Did you not have any introductions? Our LO who we fostered came to us at 11 weeks. We did have a couple of days of intros but it really did take her a week or two to settle and be the normal happy LO we came to love. She did sleep fine but for the first two weeks we experienced 10-15 mins of solid crying and she would be looking all around her until she cried herself to sleep. She would then wake and be fine until she got tired again and then it all began. The good news is she did settle after no more than a couple of weeks and became very relaxed. We did lots of contact and holding. Baby carrier was excellent for this to develop that close bond. Definitely stick to only you and DH doing any care for the first few weeks at least. I think it was you the other day that was saying about the mother in law asking if she would be able to feed LO this time. We were very tempted after a few weeks to let our parents do the odd feed because she was so settled and young but then we realised that with ongoing contact where she was being fed and cared for by two different people there we really wanted to build the attachment and let her learn that we were her primary carers. We were fortunate that she was on thickened feed for her reflux and it was a nightmare to give her so we used that as an excuse as to why we had to give it. Actually I am quite sure if we had handed her over for a feed they would have handed her back quite quickly in disgust as feed time was very frustrating. The blooming teet kept blocking. Sorry I digressed! I just wanted to say hang in tictoc a LO is young enough that this anxious stage will pass quite quickly. Enjoy your increasing family.


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## Tictoc

Hi pink lady - no introductions which I don't miss but it makes it all very surreal. Suddenly a baby is delivered to your doorstep ( well front room).

He's doing really well and it's so cute to see how much his big brother (birth brother) is interested in him.

On the caring for him - don't worry I will not be letting anyone hold him let alone feed him for quite some time. I hadn't thought about the contact issue though so that's another reason to give the in laws to get them to back off 😏


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## becs40

Aw a Tictoc very surreal I'm sure! I still remember those feelings of caring for someone else's child when little man came home. I think with me there was a definite subconscious element holding me back until the adoption order and it literally hit me like a truck then! 
Pinklady I'm getting very into the baby wearing bit and am really gutted that I didn't get into it when he first came, I feel like I really missed out now but can't turn the clock back.
We've only got the Tula which is great for longer durations but there's lots of times I want something quick for short trips so I'm hiring a ring sling to try. It's mainly things like our almost daily trips to the post office where he'd be a nightmare to be let loose expecting to wait in the queue whilst I faff about with parcels. At the mo I do put him in the Tula but it's a pain so think a ring sling looks easier for this sort of thing. We've also got a christening to go to next weekend and think it'd be handy to keep him under control in the church and look nicer than the Tula! Making him sound like a right nightmare but he's just a typical toddler that wants to explore the world!


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## Thepinklady

Becs it will be interesting hear your thoughts on ring sling. I have only tried a ring sling once at a sling library meet and that was when LO was quite little and I did not like it. I could not have done any length in it although I had tried it with a view of using it for a wedding that we were potentially taking LO to and I realised I could wear it and still show a good bit of my dress off. We did not end up taking LO so was not an issue. I generally use a didytai which is as close to a wrap as you can get and also very quick to put on. I think when we get our next placement I will borrow a full wrap and give wrapping ago I think it is more me. I don't like buckles and straps as I find they are too bulky. I like that a wrap or mai tai just looks like another item of clothing. My DH and I are off to America at Easter to visit friends and I have been researching good deals out there and trying to make decisions of what would potentially be good for non existent babies at the moment lol! We will definitely be buying a stretchy wrap suitable for a new born as our mai tai really does not work for anything under about 3 months. I am buying under the pretence that my young cousin who is due to have a baby soon would benifit from early introduction to baby wearing so I will lend it to her until such times as I need it myself. Lol! 

I also laughed at your need to control your LO in the church. Our LO loved to explore church with us. She was used to church with us and she just wants to go and play the piano. Thankfully it is an electric piano so one of us goes and switches it off. She gets confused then when she presses the keys and can't hear anything. Our church is very understanding of lo's and excepts that children are children and don't mind the lo's taking a wee wander around to explore. Hope the church you are going to is just as welcoming. There is so much to explore in a church!


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## becs40

Haha that's what worries me pinklady, he's into everything do I dread to think of where he could end up! Not quite the done thing to upstage the baby being Christened I'm sure!
From what I've read on the ring slings they're not great for long periods but that's fine as only want it for the 10-15 minutes in the post office etc. I can't imagine using it with a littlie though but my lo is such a chunk, he's appx 14.5kg now so I think it would work well as a hip carry. I like the Tula for the support but is definitely bulky and we have the later gator print so it's a bit "obvious" too for more discerning ocassions. Hoping the ring sling will be the answer as just trying to make life a bit easier (and more peaceful as we'd be free of tantrums in the post office) as its such a regular thing. Dh took him in there the other day walking and said he was just grabbing at everything as its a whole new world! He's only 20 months so is starting to learn but can't expect too much at that age.
I bet America would be great for bargains! My brother in law lives out there and wish he were a bit more reliable as there's loads of things I could buy and ask him to ship over, but he's not so I don't!  
We're off to centre parcs on Monday again for 5 days, not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not really as just remember the last time of 3 nights of zero sleep! Hoping now he's mobile we'll just make sure he does lots of walking in the fresh air to knock him out for the night!


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## becs40

Happy Mothers Day to all the new mummies, I hope your day is magical. And for all of you either going through the process or waiting to meet your little person I hope next year will be your first as a mummy too.


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## Loki Girl

I 2nd that Becs. Had a lovely 1st Mummy day sleep in with big man crying between 5.15-7am because we are doing tough love on the no more milk during night approach which woke little lady too early lol. Littlest man has been fussy all morning and DH was out all day and all night yesterday so dealt with all 3 on my own from 5.30am through to 8.30pm when finally got littlest man settled for bed so think still need to try and catch up on some sleep today lol. Still got a lovely card from all 3 tho I think I should of had 3 separate ones     but it was so lovely cus DH had obviously told her what it said and she kept saying hugs and kisses Mummy. Also got some chocs and a little Boofle teddy which little lady obviously claimed as her own lol. We are all braving going out to dinner later so God help the restaurant with us and 3 under 3  

Have a lovely day new Mummies xx


----------



## Tictoc

Yes happy Mother's Day all - and for those of you not there yet just hang on in there - it will happen and you'll have years of it ahead.

Loki - I don't think I had quite realised you have had 3 placed in 1 year. You crazy woman.

Had our first trip to church as a family of 6 today - we totally confused people because I think a lot of them thought the youngest who was in sling was second youngest until they realised that my husband was the one at the back of the church with the screaming child.


----------



## Primmer

Happy Mother's Day all - we met up with our little one half way between our houses and we went bowling and had lunch and played on the arcade games. My little lad bought me a card, some flowers and a vase (so lovely of foster carer to get it) - my very first Mother's Day card and present - so special. He has now gone back to foster carers and we are on way to visit DH's mum.


----------



## PixieMcG

Happy Mother's Day ladies.


----------



## becs40

It's been a nice day but little man has been out of sorts for a few days, not sure if it's the last molars (can't see any evidence) or if he's just so tired from being back into his getting up at 4.30 everyday. So he's been a bit grumpy today - started well when dh went to bring him into our room this am and he starred crying -gee thanks!  
Not been too bad and he was very entertaining at dinner time when he tried proper custard for the first time and decided that was very yummy, he then started to sing row row the boat to make us sing it so he could scream at the crocodile bit (given he can only really say "row" out of the whole song it was quite cute).
Anyway it was a nice day and he was sound asleep by 6.15 bless him. 
I can't help feeling a bit sad today though thinking of how hard it will have been for his birth mum and that will always take the edge off I think, that my happiness is at the expense of someone else's pain. I know it's the right thing for him because he wasn't safe but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him and that she's not hurting at losing him.
Anyway lots of washing to do as we're off to centre parcs tomorrow so better get organised!


----------



## RocketJ

Primmer that sounds awesome - hope the rest of intros go well, it won't be long until he is home!

My sister came over for Mothering Sunday with my niece as my BiL and parents are all out of the country. They had picked some daffodils from their garden and made my favourite dessert, but the bag tipped over in their car and the banoffee pie landed upside down on the flowers! Oh well 

Becs - I've only ever had a ring sling and I LOVE it. I've only used the pushchair once since Christmas, and then only because we were with family and it was nice for my niece to push him for a bit. I often carry him for an hour or more as we go around town, and once or twice have been for longer walks. The thing I find trickier is carrying other bags - I use a nappy bag with the strap really long now and sling it over as I can't get a rucksack on easily with the sling. I love that he can sit on my hip in it, partly as that takes lots of his weight, but also because he is face to face with me, but can still see where we are going.


----------



## ciacox

I felt the same today about our LO's birth mother, Becs. Also felt for all those women out there waiting for their LOs or grieving that they will never be parents. Had a lovely day but kept it low key.


----------



## Thepinklady

Becs I think it is very important that we remember as you say that whilst the lo"s we love were  not safe at home and it is absolutely right that they have been adopted it does not take away the love their families have for them. Our experience really opened our eyes to the other side. Believe me these lo's are never forgotten by their bf and in many ways time stops for them when they loose them. For many of them it is a series of hopeless experiences that has got them to the places they are at in their lives. Without a doubt they love their lo but just can not get on top of life. Sad! I am thankful everyday for the life that I was lucky enough to be born into bacause in another time and place it could so easily be anyone of us. Having empathy and understanding for the family  only help our lo in the long run.

Have a lovely holiday becs. I hope it ore successful this time.


----------



## becs40

I think that sums it up perfectly pinklady. There's a real part of me that is sad we can't have direct contact as I want that for her more than anything. I'm pleased that in her last letter she has said she has a job for the first time and is really enjoying it and I really hope that continues and will help her to make something of her life. Even if that helps her make better choices in the future and prevents her from enduring further loss.

Rocket that's great to hear you get on with the ring sling. I have 2 herniated discs in my lower back and lo is fairly hefty at appx 14.5kg so I'm pretty sure I won't be able to use it for extended periods of time but I have the Tula for that. I want this for quick convenience and short carries so I think it seems the right thing. Should be here when we get back from our holiday so looking forward to trying it!

Ciacox I remember the pain of days like today when we were trying and still waiting for our little man so I can only imagine the pain of women like his bm who have actually had their lo's and then lost them. Adoption can be so very complex in the feelings it creates.


----------



## AoC

Very much agree with the bittersweet feelings around mother's day.  Have to say mine was one of the nicest, because I didn't set any expectations.    Card, gift and cuddles from Bug, then flowers and more loveliness at church.  

Had to spend the afternoon chasing round the county to get photos printed, though, for Monkey's intro book etc.  I'm about ready to be committed.... let me give you a run down of our experiences prepping the materials for handing over at matching panel....

1) The video-ing for the DVD was actually quite fun, although neither Husband nor I enjoy being in front of the camera, and inspiring Bug's co-operation was sometimes challenging....

2) None of our 3 PCs will a) talk to each other b) edit mp4s  c) convert to WMVs for editing without losing quality  d) talk to dropbox consistently  e) convert from MP4s without randomly cutting out bits of video f) allow us to set audio volumes so voices can be heard and music doesn't blow your head off.  Every time we think we find a way, we find some problem it's created. It takes us... wait for it.... ten hours to get from raw footage to finding a way forward to do the editing with the software we have or can download.  (I have no doubt there must have been a simpler way, but we just don't know it!)

3)  After all that, I'm keen to get the pics printed, so we can put them in the talking photo album, record our bits, and relax, knowing it's mostly done.  This means a 40 min drive to the nearest photo printing place open on a Sunday.  I go there, choose the one hour service for quality of reproduction and go and have a much-needed coffee and window shop.

4)  The booth hasn't downloaded our pics to the one hour service.  I am now in awe of my own calm.  The shop closes in 20 minutes.  Nice assistant lets me print off at the booth instead at the same price as the one hour service.  Quality is good enough.  

5)  Drive home 40 mins, put pics in photo album, Bug flatly refuses to co-operate, until he hears his voice played back... then we can't shut him up!  ;-)  Recording goes brilliantly, book goes in the bag I have made for Monkey.  

6)  The editing process has randomly cut out bits of our video.  Review the DVD and decide that nothing that's missing is essential.  Test the DVD in the TV's DVD player, it all works.  Bagged.  Phew.  Two items down.

7) Now we just need to laminate the four enlargments for Monkey's room.  I go in early to work, armed with my own laminator pouches, as the office one is the only one we have access to.  Laminator ruins all our enlargements, at a variety of settings.  *sob*  I run out to photo shop, get more prints, more laminator pouches, double check the settings and try again.  Success!  First one through is almost perfect.  Next two are buggered.  Give up.  

  Call our agency's local office, and ask if I can send spare prints through for them to laminate.  Lovely - LOVELY - awesome woman there says email them and I'll print, mount and laminate.  Email awesome woman.  Decide I want to adopt children with her in future (sorry Husband).

9)  Return to actual day job work.  Want to spit the dummy.  ;-)

I am NEARLY at the place where I can laugh about all this.  But not quite....  ;-)

Chin up and keep truckin', folks.


----------



## becs40

Oh AOC hope you're laughing now because I am! Sorry! It never ceases to amaze me that technology that is supposed to make life easier invariably results in a dozen tasks before the initial one! I know this only too well from doing my website! 
Sounds like you're there now though and a breathe a huge sigh of relief and wait for intros now. Exciting times.


----------



## AoC

It was epic, Becs. Epic. 

And we're actually quite tech-savvy people!!! But like you say, all sorted now. Onwards to panel! Had to laugh, got our letter inviting us to panel today. At a completely different venue (and town!) to the one we were expecting. And it's about the coldest and most impersonal letter I've ever read....

"I would like to advise that you have been invited to attend the above Panel on [date/time/venue]."

That's it. One sentence. Don't they understand how momentous these milestones are to us? What a lovely letter to have in your keepsake box. Not.

Pah. I have the grumps.


----------



## Cbelle1

Aoc- that was an amazing journey! But just think of the story you will have to tell!!

We are officially linked with 2 lo's, the po was granted yesterday and matching panel is 19th April, can't quite believe it yet! 

Xx


----------



## Primmer

Cbelle - that's great news, how exciting!


----------



## AoC

Wonderful Cbelle!!!  Congrats!


----------



## Tictoc

Congrats cbelle - that's great news


----------



## Tw1nk82

Today is the day our little girl comes home forever and our beautiful family is complete. Bring on 10 weeks time when we will put in the paper work for AO for both of them then i can relax xx


----------



## Primmer

Twink - enjoy today, how lovely to have little pink home with you.

We are towards the end of the second week of introductions and all seems to be going well. Blue slept over on Wednesday night without a problem so we are hoping he will come home with us on Monday as planned.


----------



## PixieMcG

Great news tw1nk and primmer.


----------



## Ozzycat

Hey everyone. .. I've missed out on a few days of chatter so happy belated mothers day xx and I'm loving hearing all the lovely updates on matches and intros X
Well our big news is that it was our celebration hearing yesterday and it was the most amazing day X
The judge said the most lovliest words which promptly had me bursting into tears X then our family and friends came to a cafe on the lake which we had booked for morning tea. It was so lovely.
It's weird today I felt even more connected to munchkin... We had a pyjama morning and we played, sang, laughed and she kept giving me the most amazing cuddles... It was all going so well until she gave me a big naked cuddle and without warning peed onto my lap!!!! 😲😲😲😍 but I still love her X
Have a lovely weekend ladies... I'm off to the spa tomorrow for my birthday treat x


----------



## pyjamas

Going back to work tomorrow night. Guess it could be worse. I am only doing one night shift a week at the weekend so hubby can look after LO for few hours while I get a kip and will hopefully not be missed too much! x


----------



## AoC

Congrats Ozzycat!  Sounds like a really lovely day (apart from the pee!  LOL!)


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## becs40

Wow a few days away and miss so much news! Congrats cbelle, Twink and Ozzy! 
Primmer sounds like it's going well, fingers crossed for Monday! 
We had a nice time at centre parcs but glad to be home. It seems such hard work for a few days with all the stuff to take (which of course is always way more than needed!). Little man seemed to enjoy it though but has been the whingiest toddler going since getting back, I think he's just overtired. We've got a Christening to go to tomorrow so just hope he perks up by then.


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## PixieMcG

Ozzycat that is amazing I'm so pleased x


----------



## Primmer

Ozzycat - congrats! Must be amazing.

Becs - glad you had a good holiday.


----------



## Norma12

Best wishes for panel AOC  

We're tomorrow, yikes!!!


----------



## Primmer

Good luck Norma - sure all will be good x


----------



## Forgetmenot

So much exciting news on here at the mo that I have missed, congratulations xx

We finally got our court paperwork at the end of last week just in time for his celebration party.  Despite lax family members and various issues and comments like 'they'll be other parties' etc cue my upset and defence such as, not our fault we have had to adopt at child (and of course I don't mean it like that, but I have had to have an extra social event!)

We had our celebration party for our little boy, and it was amazing.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it way exceeded my expectation.  I hardly saw my son.  He was off playing with all his little friends and at 14 mths he got so much out of it.  I cannot express the beaming pride and overwhelming love I felt for him.  The order maked such a difference.  He's my forever baby, and never ever going anywhere, even when I am sure he will hate me when he's being Kevin the teenager or worse lol.

I did not expect to feel such emotion on the day when speaking with people! Lots of happy tears shed.  My hubby made a really cute little speech about our precious little family and its was just such a special day.

Oh a different note, work have been awful, but my little man has taken his first steps.  Proud mummy moment.  My baby boy is growing up!!

Hoping everyone is ok X take care, FMN xx


----------



## becs40

Aw FMN I love reading your posts as it's literally like stepping back in time and remembering it all again. Our celebration party was made even more emotional by his new birth certificate turning up on the morning of the party! Many many tears, super emotional when we saw foster family again (that was the first time we'd met since placement even though we'd emailed). 
Congrats again and now life really begins. 
Norma hope panel went well!


----------



## Tictoc

FMN - that was a lovely post - so glad your party was so amazing.


----------



## Forgetmenot

Thank you both so much!  Every day I am still in awe.  Love being a stay at home mummy and hopefully able to stay off work a little longer 

Still no birth certificate, but we have a court date, so almost there!! Xxx


----------



## Loki Girl

Aww FMN glad it all went well. We have our celebration hearing on Thurs and then our party on Sun. Only a small affair with family, our support network and foster carer's. Looking forward to it. Not expecting much out of Thurs as think little lady will be pinned to my neck lol. 

Weird as just back from our first pre school parents evening. Little lady has only been there 2 weeks lol. She is slowly adjusting. Not quite there yet and tends to be the managers little shadow as she calls her but she is starting to branch out and play independently as well. She has a hard time saying bye to me but that's expected after not leaving my side for the last 8mths!!! We work so hard to bond and attach then expect them to go off without us lol. She loves putting her uniform on and talks about her key worker and how she will say goodbye mummy but then starts crying the minute we start taking her coat off. All for mummy's benefit as when I phone later she talks to me on the phone and says see you later mummy. Bless her. She is such hard work but absolutely love her to bits. 

Other good news from us after going through some more complaints from birth mother about crap she has decided contact is too painful so doesn't want to do it anymore. I am so pleased cus littlest man was just getting more and more unsettled the more he went prob due to getting older and realising who his main carer's are. Can't believe he is 6 weeks already!!! They are just organising his last goodbye contact. They also have a formal written statement through birth dad's solicitor saying he doesn't want to be assessed and has no one to put forward so although not counting chickens before they hatch looks like we might be home and dry after all the worry. No contact means I won't get the one on one I was hoping for with big man but little Spike (as we call him as his hair sticks up lol) is not too bad and big man tends to putter about and get into everything. He's a right little monkey. Found his book down the toilet today. Currently trying to dry it out lol. 

Things are really settling down and feel much better about handling the 3 of them. I am even managing to get all 3 out the door and getting little lady to pre school at 9am. Feel quite chuffed with myself lol. It's not always easy but Spike is sleeping better at night and sometimes only wakes once for a feed so not feeling so tired. When he was up every 2hrs I was just exhausted and he tended not to sleep when the others did so I was having no break at all which was taking its toll. It's not easy still sometimes but it's a lot better than it was and I absolutely love all these little guys. 

Becs glad you had a good holiday even if it was a bit tiring. Must of been nice to get away. Can't wait to take these guys to the beach in the summer. 

Norma - hope it all went well today. I'm sure it was. 

AoC - hope things have come together without anymore trauma!!

Tw1nk - how are things going? Hope you are all adjusting to having your little girl home x

Ozzy - glad you enjoyed your day. Can't believe ours is only 2 days away lol

Primmer - not long before your little fella is home with you. Must be she's being that distance away. He must be tired with all the travelling poor soul 

Sorry if forgotten anyone but hope everyone plans are all taking shape xx


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## PixieMcG

Loki that's good news and your coping fantastically well


----------



## AoC

Thanks guys.  

FMN that sounds wonderful!  So glad it was a good day for you.

Good luck, Norma!

I'm glad things are settling for you, Loki.

Matching Panel said yes.  It was very different from how we were expecting, we were in there for a full hour, lots of discussion about Monkey's progress - more like a LAC review than a panel.    His FC is lovely, and very experienced and easy to chat to.  Had a great, exciting day.  

The planning meeting was another kettle of fish.  They changed the venue the morning of the meeting to another town 20 mins in the other direction from our accommodation and managed to only tell us 15 mins before the meeting, when we were already travelling to the original venue.  And the chair was the most ineffective chair I have ever met.  We ended up running out of time, with 4 out of 10 of the intro days very loosely planned, with them saying, "I'm sure we'll figure it out as we go along..."

And they're not sure when the matching certificate (without which I can't leave work) will turn up....  *facepalm*

They were talking so much about how Monkey either likes someone or doesn't, and there's nothing you can do about it, and talking about how "we'll know by then whether it's working or not..." that I actually stopped proceedings and asked whether they would call off the match mid-intros.  Which shocked them, because that's not what they meant, but they hadn't thought how it sounded....  *eyeroll*

But it's all good, and we'll be meeting Monkey on 29th, and the rough schedule ended up exactly as we wanted, so...  

But Monkey is gorgeous,


----------



## becs40

Aw AOC you're having a time of it for sure! One step closer though well done!

Loki sounds like you're all settling into a routine well now. Long may that continue for you! Good and bad news on the contact, obviously good if it was distressing little man but bad as it means you don't get that time now. I'm certain you'll figure it out though, you're doing an amazing job! Don't forget to stop and remind yourself of that from time to time.

We did have a nice holiday but little man has been out of sorts a bit since coming back. Monday night he woke up really screaming and it took us nearly an hour to calm him down (thanks iPad and steam train videos!) then another hour to get him back to sleep. By morning it was apparent he'd obviously been restless in the cot and done one of his usual forceful flips but hit his face. There was no evidence of it the night before although we were all a bit bleary eyed and stressed from the screaming but by morning he had a cracking great bruise down his cheek bless him. He really doesn't usually bruise that easily so he must have hit it with a fair force so no wonder he was screaming. I wonder if he'd stood up after waking and fell onto the edge because we do have the quilted airwrap bumpers for this reason! A mystery anyway but certainly fits with him being so upset. The following night he woke again and wanted to be held but managed to get him into the cot and gave him Ewan the dream sheep and he was content to lay there listening to that. This am we were back to normal 5.30 wake ups again, so frustrating as trying to get his bedtime a bit later to try and help with this but can't do it when he's so tired. I managed to get him until 11.25 today but he was out within 2 minutes of me putting him down the was so tired.
More unsettlememt tomorrow as we're going to stay at my parents tomorrow and Saturday nights as repainting our room before we put our new bed in there. It will be too fumey as little mans  room is right opposite.

Oh well looking forward to another long weekend with dh. Only another 2 weeks until he starts a new job where he'll  be working from home 2-3 days a week.


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Well we started the journey with you or even before you and I love reading all your stories, but feel we have been left behind. 
But now can finally say we have had our last Stage 2 meeting and our SW is now writing our PAR report which we should get soon to read and check. 
We finally have a SW who understands us and where we are coming from and I am feeling really positive   about Panel next month. 
I know this is only the start of the journey and we may have a wait for a match but just to get to approval has been a very long road, so waiting a bit longer won't hurt.

Countdown to panel begins...   

Ali


----------



## Loki Girl

Fab news Ali. Bet you can't believe you finally have a panel date booked!! You never know your wait might not be too long. We were told the same and yet only 4 weeks after panel we heard about our little ones. Fingers crossed it won't be too long.

Well we are back after the most amazing day at the celebration hearing. I was expecting little lady to be clinging round my neck but she wasn't and even said good morning when the judge said good morning. Think she has picked that up from pre school lol. The judge said some lovely words and even chatted about things he had read in our par that we like to do tho I suspect he was told lol. There were a few tears when he read out their full names lol. When they went up to sit in his chair he even gave them a teddy each!!! We then went to the Build a Bear shop and they both 'adopted' a rabbit and a dragon for their special day then lunch with both sets of grandparents. Needless to say they are both shattered. Little man had a quick doze in the buggy on way back to car and is now refusing to have a nap but he is in his bed where at least he is not running around so whether he chooses to sleep or not is up to him and little lady was out like a light lol. 

Now just party on Sun then we can look forward to doing it all again in a few months with littlest man lol.


----------



## Treaco

Hi Girls glad to see your all doing well.  

After a long time waiting it looks like our time is nearly here.  Wehave or linking meeting on 8th April and then Adoption panel on 21st April so fingers crossed all being well our little girl will be home in May.xx


----------



## Cbelle1

Hi all!

We met our children today! They are beautiful wonderful little people and we are so excited! And the foster carers are so lovely too!

Next stop placement meeting on 5th April and panel on the 19th April!

Xx


----------



## AoC

That's great news, Treaco!

Congrats, CBelle, that's great to hear.


----------



## PixieMcG

AoC I stopped even though I didn't have matching certificate as this didn't arrive until two weeks post placement.

Congrats to the newly matched and panel ladies


----------



## ciacox

Hey there - just stopping by to say hi as our little thread has gone very quiet. How is everyone? 

I'm doing fine. The little guy is settling well I think. I'm conscious of what a special time this is - six weeks in and I'm just feeling the love grow everyday. I'm also feeling my muscles grow - six weeks of hauling round an 18 month old and I have proper guns!


----------



## Tictoc

Haha - do you not have backache along with those arm muscles? I remember when our little one came home at only 9 months and not too heavy but the constant lifting in and out of cot gave me serious backache


----------



## Loki Girl

Gosh tell me about it. Health visitor weighed all 3 the other day. Little lady 30lbs at 2yrs 3mths, big man 27lbs at 15mths  and littlie 13lbs at 8 weeks. The way he guzzles milk he's going to outdo his brother tho lol!!! Glad u are enjoying him tho xx


----------



## Tw1nk82

I know what you mean. Little lady isnt all that little at 22lb at 10 months. Little man is only a pound heavier at 22 months. I have two very different kids. I thought two kids was going to be so much hard work but you just learn to adapt and its not difficult at all xx


----------



## becs40

Haha our little man was 22lbs when he came at 6 months! He's now 32lb at 21 months.
Hope everyone has some nice plans for Easter? We're off to see the Easter bunny on a local steam train shortly. He looked a little concerned by a full size rabbit in the photos so hoping the steam train will prove enough of a distraction! 
I've been really busy with the business in its first month but managing to fit it in nicely around little man bar the trips to the post office so not too bad. Had a few orders today already with our Easter promotion so that's a good start. Less of a good start was little man deciding to nose dive off our bed so is sporting a nice Easter egg of his own at the moment on his "ed".
Happy Easter everyone.


----------



## PixieMcG

Awe I hear you with the backache, my shoulder hurts too with carrying him in and out the house in the car seat. Our little man was 21lbs when he came to us at 7 months. He hasn't been weighed since so no idea what he is now. 

Can't believe almost two months has gone by come Tuesday of next week. Time flies. We're going through some really tough teething at the moment. Nothing seems to soothe him, feel so sorry for him his gums are purple.


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, can I join you here please?
I have been watching from afar for a while as haven't wanted to dare myself to post incase things went wrong (again.....a long story!)
But, we have matching panel for a 12 month old little pink on Wednesday. I'm so, so nervous.

It would just be so cruel if things went wrong at this stage...but I know they can.
Any tips for panel anyone?

AJ xx


----------



## PixieMcG

A J I know how you feel kind of I Guess. It's hard being linked and waiting for that final yes. I can't really offer any advice other than be yourself. You've got this far for a reason.


----------



## Loki Girl

AJ best of luck. I'm sure they wouldn't be taking you to panel unless they were certain but can understand the worry until you get that final yes. Sounds like you have had a tough journey but you are finally here and you will get a yes and your little girl will almost finally be home where she belongs. Almost done  

Littlest man seems to be going backwards we were getting a nice lovely 5hr stretch at night but now we are back to every 3hrs. Tried a few nights with a dream feed but still makes no difference he is still up between 2 and 3 then again at 5!!! Had anyone had any experience with little ones who's moms took drugs through pregnancy? BM managed to stop with the 2 oldest but did with baby. He was sent to a special baby unit for withdrawal but didn't have to have any intervention in the end. But he cries quite a lot. Some days it seems everytime he opens his eyes he just starts crying. He never stays anywhere for long without crying. I know he is quite young still but with the other 2 I am having some quite exhausting days. It's also hard to know with his feeding cus I keep offering him bottles thinking what if he's hungry. Health visitor also had some concerns he is behind. I voiced concern when she came that he's 8 weeks old and only smiled at me once. He doesn't really look at you but does look like he watches his siblings. If you shake a toy in front of him he pays no attention whatsoever and doesn't follow it with his eyes. He does seem to watch the things on his activity gum tho for short amounts of time.  HV said it just could be he's developmentally behind a little bit or could mean nothing as all babies are different. He doesn't really make any cooing sounds either he just seems to cry which makes it really hard to try and smile at him and talk to him cus he just cries and won't look at you!!! HV said she would of liked him to be doing much more at this age. 

I also didn't know I was supposed to book a 6 week check!! No one tells you anything how am I supposed to know? HV asked if they had sent for him and his immunisations and I said no so she said for me to chase them and so would she. I phoned them and they said we wouldn't call for you you have to book it and he won't get called for his immunisations till he's had his 6 week check!!! So now he has appointment on 6th April at 9 weeks for his 6 week check - whatever and then he can have his immunisations. I will talk to the doctor then about my concerns and see what they say. 

Anyways apart from that we have an Easter egg hunt at Grandma's tomorrow so that will be nice. She again rang and told us dinner was at lunchtime to which we again told her the kids would be napping cus they know they nap every afternoon and we go through this every single time so then the usual well what time can you get across (it's a 45min drive!!) so everytime it's like well not till 3.30 but 3 at the earliest and then everytime we got brought why can't they sleep here like our other granddaughter does and our grandson used to and everytime we have to go through why little lady won't go to sleep there cus she won't and it will just traumatise her so it's not worth it then we have the usual comments about how we will never be able to go on holiday. For smart people they are pretty dumb. My MIL is like a blooming dog with a bone she just can't let it go. So frustrating and tiresome. She had better not make any comments tomorrow cus it's time of month and I'm pretty tired at mo lol. Not a good combination hahaha. 

Anyway hope you all had a good time with your little ones and hopefully some of you will be able to know for sure that will be me next year


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## becs40

Aw Loki   Sounds like a pretty crap time at the mo. Personally I wouldn't get too hung up on the hole what should they shouldn't they be doing as he's still so young. There's absolutely nothing they would do at this age anyway so I'd just keep an eye on it but not sweat it. They can vary so much by what they are and aren't doing at any given age. Did you download the wonder weeks app? Wouldn't surprise me if the unsettledness is because he's coming up to a leap which is when you will start to see him doing things more. Could also  be a growth spurt too.
That's one of the things I struggled with most with adoption is the feeling that you're on your own when it comes to knowing about the immunisations and checks etc. Obviously not having a birth child I can't compare but I'm pretty certain that birth mums would be told these things or how would anyone know! 
I'm so with you on the in law front although actually my parents in our case! My dad is constantly like "well he could stay up a bit later" all the time, my mum is obsessed with him napping there when he never really does that well. I relented and tried again the other day as my brother was there visiting from Scotland. So I took him up to put him down for a nap after her saying it only to find the flipping travel cot still packed up in the bag from centre parcs! Very useful! So by the time I'd unpacked it and set it up he wasn't remotely interested in a nap so we went home!
We also have endless conversations about our choice of rear facing car seat. They want to get a seat for their car and new motor home which is great. The car I don't get the point as they wont ever take him anywhere on their own for some reason but that's a whole other story, as it would be for the motor home too that's fine. We'll use it then as can do day trips all together without having to take 2 cars, great for trips to the seaside etc and we may even borrow it to go away in with him. Anyway he keeps saying to me what's wrong with the car seat in the shed! Firstly it's not rear facing end we've decided to keep him rear facing until at least 4, secondly it's 13 years old! 
It saddens me that they don't have the same relationship with him as m pay nephews. Nothing to do with him being adopted because I know they adore him and love him the same. I think my mum is cautious after damaging her relationship with my brother for being over involved and they're both 12 years older although fit and healthy my mum makes more of an issue of it. My nephews used to stay over at theirs for the night/weekends, they used to take them away on holiday, days out etc but with little man they are reluctant to even babysit when he's awake because it's too hard! Really? Can't say I'd noticed! So we're looking forward to our first night without him next April (2017) four our 10th anniversary when we're going to stay with my brother and they're looking after him for a night. Somewhat extreme having to go to Scotland to have a night off but needs must!


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## ciacox

Good to hear from everyone. Welcome AJ. Good luck for panel! My advice would be to treat it more like a job interview than an extension of your assessment. For example, we went over some questions with our SW beforehand and got all reflective about how we'd originally imagined a girl and it took us a while to realise our little boy was the one for us. She told us they'd pretty much want to hear we felt instant connection and not to go into too much detail.  Also told us not to say anything that makes it sound like we know they're going to say yes (even though they will!).  You might have someone who likes to feel powerful!


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## A J

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement... just a few more days until we know for sure. Ciacox- some sound advice for panel. Apparently, most are the same people who were on our approval panel so shouldn't be too bad as they were really nice.

Have been sent loads of pics from FC and updates regularly. Both our and her SW's knew we exchanged numbers but told us not to mention it at panel. Hope we don't slip up xxx


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## becs40

Just a quickie from me. 

Good luck AJ I'm sure it will be fine. No words of advice I'm afraid as we did foster to adopt so our lo was already with us at matching panel -literally!

For those of you with under 3's I have a competition running on my ******** page to win a £20 voucher so if you fancy having a go take a look at Becs baby boutique on ********. You've just got to find 6 Easter eggs on the website so not too taxing and a bit of fun!


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## bambinolove

Hi Aj,

Just want to say, we were in your position when we went to panel for our little pickle, he is now tucked up asleep in bed and has been with us for two and a half years. It sounds like you have shown perseverance and determination and we found our panel liked that in us. Anyway, good luck, I'm sure you will be fine.


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## PixieMcG

We've had a couple of rough days with little man he is teething so bad he rash spread and his bum was red raw. Tried everything but he just screamed every time he peed and pooped, well it's seems to be clearing up now so hope we can get back on track.


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## Loki Girl

Becs - thought of you when on Sun at the mother in laws she made DH go into the loft to fetch down a bouncy chair she had had for DH's older brother (over 40yrs ago!!!!) and probably used for my niece 3yrs ago and told me to put littlest man in it!!!! The mouldy smell was unbelievable. Wish I was strong enough to say that smells so mouldy I am not putting him anywhere near it. I just made lame excuses about how he was too tired and wouldn't sleep in it as it was a more sitting up one than he was used to and I was worried about him toppling over the side anyways!!! I'm sure she thinks I'm a right prude but really just fetch a chair out of loft after 3yrs and put an 8 week baby in it!!! I think not   She also told us off for buying a new activity gym when she told us she had one (again from DH's brother 43yrs ago!!!) Seriously I want new stuff or next to new stuff for my baby. He's the only baby I'm going to have!!!


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## Thepinklady

Loki that made me laugh. That is exactly how my mil is! Why buy when you can use 30 year old things or charity shop ones that are probably as old. Thankfully my dh is very good and telling her it as it is and refuses on my behalf! I would not stand for it from my own mum but I don't feel I can be rude to mil!!


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## becs40

Haha thank god I don't have a mil! I honestly don't know why people struggle to see these things, not least as you say he's your only baby. Anyone expecting their first gets to enjoy having what they want etc and choosing it for themselves.
I'm sat here currently debating getting rid of so much stuff now. Things like the carrycot, his old high chair, baby toys, the playpen room divider etc. I just can't bear the thought of him not being a baby anymore but can't keep hanging on to so much stuff. It seems bm is getting herself together now thankfully so the chances of us needing it again are disappearing. I just feel we didn't get enough of the baby stage so still clinging on to everything with the slim hope that we do get that call!


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## PixieMcG

Oh Loki I feel for you huni I really do.


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## Loki Girl

Haha thanks ladies. She's not so bad just gets real hung up on things and doesn't really know she is doing it. It's a trait of DH's side of the family lol. She is also obsessed that just because I don't wear dresses yet like little lady in dresses some of the time she seems to think she has a new dress every time we see her. We don't it's just she doesn't see her very frequently so don't know why she needs to comment is that another new dress everytime she sees her in a dress!!! She asked me on Sun because my mom wanted to buy the kids an outfit instead of an Easter egg so little lady did have a new dress on what I was planning to do with all these dresses. I was like what a stupid thing to ask. She doesn't have loads of dresses and I get a lot of things on eBay cus I do like a good bargain. I was like well I have a friend who's having a little girl so am passing things to her not that's it any of your business!!!!

I know what u mean Becs. Even giving my little ladies 18-24mth stuff away is hard. Now we know there are no more and no more girls it's hard to give away her cute little clothes lol. Obviously big man's are all packed away for littlest man. You never know just as you get sorted and happy being a family of 3 she may get pregnant again. If she doesn't would you consider going through process again for a sibling or would you leave it with just you and your little guy?


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## becs40

No we've said we'll be happy as 3 now if that's what's meant to be. We'd said we would say yes to a sibling because he has 2 older siblings together and I worry he may feel left out, so there's a part of me that does hope she has another one for him. If it weren't for that I wouldn't worry at all.
Haha Loki you haven't got a patch on us re comments about new clothes! Admittedly little man does have a very impressive wardrobe but obviously that's a necessity with me selling clothes! Would be a poor representation of the business if he didn't look fab! Plus I sell on all his clothes and because I've bought in sales etc I've got back virtually what I paid for them. I bought a hoodie in the sale last year which was reduced to £18 from £30 and he wore it for almost a year and I sold it for £18!
It's the same with his nappies. Nearly all been brought on deals etc and had 20 of one brand that we weren't using any more so sold them on for pretty much what I'd bought them for. (Cloth nappies obviously!)


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## Tictoc

When our youngest was coming home I think people thought that because we had 4 kids we couldn't afford anything and everyone's junk came our way! Nice of people to think of us but I want my kids dressed nicely - it might only last 5 minutes after they get dresses but for that 5 minutes a day I will buy my own clothes. Like many of you I like a bargain though! So much more fun buying clothes for the kids than for myself - they always look good on the kids, no fat bums or wobbly tummies 😆


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## Tw1nk82

Im sorry for the me post. Im finding it really hard at the moment. Our little girl has been with us for three weeks and im finding it really hard. Before she came home foster carer said she never cries only when she is tired. Well she cries at everything now. She is teething at the minute so i know that has a lot to answer for. Im just absolutely exhausted and im finding it really hard to bond with her. I now know how easy our little man is to care for. When will it get easier i feel awful thinking i wish it was just the three of us again 😢😢😢


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## dimplesforever

Tw1nk82 so sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. It's such early days - I'm sure that things will be easier in time. Is she coming up to 1? Isn't that when separation anxiety peaks? I bet with lots of bonding activities and time she will become happier and your relationship will improve.  How is your son adjusting?


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## becs40

Aw Twink   It's awful. It's hard enough when they cry incessantly and you have bonded let alone in the early stages. It's going to take time which I'm sure you know. I guess it's a case of finding your feet with her and finding out how best to connect with her to allow you in. Have you tried swimming? I know a lot say it's great for bonding plus it'll tire her out! Also try using a carrier instead of the buggy a bit as that kind of enforces the contact. I found that made a huge difference to our little mans attachment to us.


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## ciacox

Sending hugs Twink. Have you tried any of the theraplay activities on the post I put up a few weeks ago? When were feeling disconnected I try and bring those in to try and at least find a moment of connection. Sometimes works. In the meantime, don't put pressure on yourself to feel any differently from how you do. Xxx

Tricky couple of days here. Things seem to be going backwards a bit. LO has been literally pushing me away which is so hard. Didn't want me to get him out of cot this morning. Pushing my face away if I come in for cuddles. Turns into a wriggly eel if I try and pick him up but once he's up he acts like both his legs are broken if I attempt to put him down. And he's refusing to go in high chair suddenly. Things were a bit wobbly anyway and I made the mistake of meeting with FCs yesterday which I think has really unsettled him. Trying hard to remain loving and steady and patient. Planning on cancelling health visitor and SW visits next week. Trying to baby him where he'll let me. Any advice gratefully received!


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## Loki Girl

Aww ladies. Can totally sympathise. Some of you may remember what a rough time when our little lady came home and then when her brother joined us. Our little lady was the loveliest sweetest little thing through introductions and the first 2 weeks she was home. She then turned into the toddler from hell. I couldn't do anything with her, she cried at everything, she hated doing anything and like you tw1nk I was exhausted, hated myself because thought it was me and generally didn't enjoy being a mum at all. I remember just sitting in the car after trying to take her to one playgroup where she had screamed the whole time and just crying and crying cus just thought she hated me. I can't remember when it got better but think after about a month we really started to bond and it took a lot of hard work to just keep plugging away and giving her lots of attention and hugs where she would let me. Unfortunately just as things got better little brother came along and although we didn't go back to square one it wasn't far off!!! Now like you I had 2. Luckily our little man at the time was so good so could concentrate on her. If your little man is ok and still pretty easy, focus on your little lady. If she has been the only child in a foster placement she could be struggling to just adjust to the new family dynamics. We met our little man's foster carer's after 6 weeks and he was awful for a week after!!!! He was 9mths. It may be exhausting and not seem like it but things will get better. She just needs time and it's hard when you are stretching yourself between children. Trust me I know!!!! Our little lady has some pretty interesting concepts which makes dealing with everyday situations sometimes quite difficult and never know whether it's a bit of being 2 or a bit of her personality. She is def hard work most of the time and now big man is a toddler it's very hard. He is into everything. Can't leave anything alone, copies all his sisters bad habits like shouting and squealing and shaking his drink upside down!!! Littlest man finds it quite hard to sleep sometimes as he'll just be dozing and big man will dare to take omething of little lady's (although everything belongs to her!!!) and then she will just let out this most ear piercing squeal because he has touched something she wants even tho she wasn't even interested in it and then littlest man is awake and crying again!!!! She is very demanding of our attention still and now we are getting comments it's cus we have spoilt her!! It is frustrating we can't hold a conversation without her playing up and I can't dare to do anything even sitting and reading a magazine because she will be all over me and generally be such a pain so I can't do it. I find this the most frustrating and don't know whether we have caused it or whether it's just her being demanding and she still seems to need lots of reassurance. She has surprised us by being absolutely brilliant with littlest man cus I was really worried!!

Last night was lovely we went out for a meal just the hubby and me, a lovely hot, quiet meal without wolfing our food, trying to get 2 toddlers to eat, picking everything up off the floor and then making a dash for it before they start to lose it lol. It was lovely and then went to see Batman v Superman which didn't finish till 11.30 lol. Littlest man was pretty good tho. My mom had fed him before we got back but he still insists on needing to eat every 3hrs so was up at 3.15 but only took him like 15mins and he was back asleep then back awake at 7 so not too bad. 

Anyways hang in there ladies. Still early days and there will be good and bad days and sometimes it will be really hard. I still have to remind myself sometimes after a particular bad day of 2 toddlers screaming all day and littlest man who does cry a lot how often I had sat on my bed and cried after another AF had arrived or another failed IVF. Adoption isn't easy even after the children are home. But we do what we can, we are not perfect, we get tired and just keep doing the best you can


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## Tw1nk82

Thank you for all the advice ladies i really appreciate it. Its nice to know it isnt just me. I know you ladies have talked about carriers before but which is the best one to get xxx


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## becs40

It's difficult to say as what suits some might not suit you. We have a tula which we love and I will say I didn't try before I went and bought it but then the resale on them is literally cost new and sometimes even a bit more so I knew I could always sell it on.
There are sling libraries which you can go to for advice and hire to try and some are even online "it's a sling thing" is online and have loads of different ones and are very helpful.

Loki how lovely! I've had a tough couple of days feeling a bit low and isolated because we don't get out much and I made another attempt to ingratiate ourselves with the local toddler group when they met at the park. We were completely ignored whilst they stood in their huddle chatting so that kind of knocked me. They'd put a ******** post on inviting people to join them there as the group wasn't actually meeting got Easter. I did put a reply on there when I got back saying how disappointed I was that we were ignored and felt pretty crappy! Cue the responses if we didn't deliberately ignore you etc, we're really friendly etc! Anyway it turns out another lady in the village with a 3 year old and 26 month old had seen the post. She doesn't go to the group but suggested we meet up at the park so that's nice. I'm mainly struggling that dh and I don't get anytime for us, we do go out for a meal now and again (4 times since little man came) but we're always only a couple of hours. It would ve nice for us to have some daytime time together but can't see that happening. My dad commented yesterday had we used our free coffee vouchers for John Lewis (everyday is coffee out for them!) and when I said no, he was mist upset that we don't use them and waste them! I've tried explaining countless times we don't do it because we get no pleasure from it with a stressful toddler in tow who has shopping as his list if wants featuring nowhere on his list! It makes it a stressful experience so we don't bother. Cue my mum stepping in with her latest offensive comment "oh so you'd rather not have him then!" Uh yeah that's right I'd really rather have a coffee out once a month than have my little man! Seriously I don't know where she gets them from! Should have turned round and said "no I'd actually rather have grandparents that wanted to take their grandson out and do things with him so dh and I can do these things sometimes!" But I bit my tongue.
On another note - munchkin miracle 360 cups! They can shake them upside down until their heart is content!


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## Tw1nk82

Ive ordered a tula becs as they have really good reviews xxx


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## Tictoc

Hi twink - when our daughter came home she was just about to turn 1 - her situation was slightly different in that she had been in an orphanage rather than foster care but she screamed non stop for so long I just could not bond with her. It honestly felt like she hated me. The thing that made it hardest was when other people were around the screaming would stop and they just thought it was me with the problem. When I look back I am pretty sure I had post adoption depression but I had never heard of that at the time. My husband was great at giving me breaks for some time alone  and I can't remember when it got better but it did so hang in there.

I wish someone had advised me on wearing a sling back then - I'm positive it would have really helped her but at the time it was the last thing on my mind. 

Now having 3 boys and 1 girl I can definetly say I found girls much harder work emotionally. I really hope things settle down for you soon but in the meantime try and get some time for yourself and maintain your sanity.


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## becs40

Great words tictoc!

Twink hope you like it and get on well with it. Which one did you go for? That was the hardest bit for me to decide lol!


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## Tw1nk82

It was a really big decision becs but in the end went for betty with the cherries on xx

Tictoc thank you. My Mum always said she had two boys first and they were no problem then i came along. She agrees girls are hard work xx

Had a better day today as DH is off work today xx


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## Loki Girl

Tw1nk glad to hear throngs were a bit better today. I agree boys I think are easier. I was a nanny for a number of years and always preferred boys especially to older girls. I can see our little lady continuing to be hard work. She talks non stop now and she's only just over 2 lol. I think our problems stem from having them so close together. They just bounce off one another. Little man now think this screaming is a wonderful game and even tho little lady won't be doing it she will start when he starts so the 2 of them will be screaming and squealing. It's so draining!! I would love to ignore but they just go on and on and wil ultimately wake up littlest man which makes me cross if I have just spent half an hour getting him to sleep!! But we had a lovely time at the Sealife Centre today. We bought an annual pass back in Aug so making full use. They both love it so it was a nice family outing. 

Becs. Are there any other groups you can try? When I was nannying I found some groups to be really clicky. We were going to a lovely playgroup but now it's closed so need to try and find something else as think it really helps little lady not to be so clingy round me and to go off and play. We met my mom for coffee last week as we always do and there were these 2 little girls running round. I was trying to get little lady to go play but she wouldn't but then they started chasing each other round the table and little lady started joining in too. Everytime she ran past our table she would say Mummy I chase the girls. It was really cute and felt quite proud of her. I have to remember she's only just 2 nbecause she's quite a big girl and talks so well think I forget and maybe expect too much of her sometimes. She def knows how to push buttons tho lol but then she just comes up when she knows I have been cross with her and says mummy in this lovely little voice and gives me the best hug ever. It's such a shame your parents are not making an effort with your little man. Have to say mine are really good and the kids love seeing them. Not so much DH's parents but they don't see them as often and they don't get spoilt with stuff from DH's parents lol. My mom always has a secret stash of choc buttons or little stickers for them etc. Pure bribery lol. 

Anyways sorry just twittering on but it wasn't very nice of them but glad u get to meet up with someone else!!


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## ciacox

On the groups Becs - I haven't braved any mainstream ones yet. I'm lucky in that my LA has a group for adoptive parents. I love it. Everyone is in the same boat and we have great conversations.  Is there anything like that near you? To be honest going there has put me off going to other groups as so many people said they found them hard. I go to the activity ones (singing, gymetc) but not the hang around and chat while yr kids run riot ones. I think one thing that might help is latching onto someone outside the group and going together. This is my plan - I'm working on building a bit of a friendship with a neighbour who I know goes along.

Things are a bit better today (except for the bit where I fell over in the mud with LO in the sling...). Thanks for support!


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## Tictoc

Becs - I missed your post earlier. A lot of groups are quite cliquey but not all - I know it's not the easiest but try some more. I know a lot of people find church groups the most relaxed but I guess it will depend which one.

Our SW asked me what groups I was attending with Lo - he is 3 months! Do you go to groups for 3 month olds? Also I have to do contact 3 times a week and various other appointments for him so there isn't really much time left!


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## becs40

Ooh nice choice Twink! We went for later gator! 









Ciacox we do have an adoption group as well but it's only once a month and they've changed the time so it clashes with nap time now. We missed the last one because of that. I know our sw's opinion was we should just skip the gap for things like that but he is a child you really don't want to mess with his sleep patterns. Yesterday some friends called round with their 3 year old and the buys were having great fun but they didn't go until 7.15 so he had no bath went straight to bed so no wind down time and he didn't get to sleep until nearly 8, woke 4 times during the night for about 29-30 mins each time and was then up at 5.20! So have a very grumpy toddler today.
We did also used to do music for a few terms but he was beginning to lose interest in that and just run round like a loony so we're going to try some more active groups!


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## Tw1nk82

Love it becs. There are lots of lovely designs isnt there. I cant wait to try it out. Im dredding tomorrow with DH back at work and ive nothing planned so i will be stuck in by myself 😢 Xx


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## ciacox

Hey there - ours is in nap time too. Usually I just arrive late, letting him have a shorter than normal sleep in the car. I think it's worth the disruption as I really want him to know other adopted children. But I totally understand why you wouldn't - grumpy toddlers are hard! If you can't go, it might be worth leaving a note there with yr email address asking if anyone wants to meet up?

Now I want a tula! Can't really justify it as I have a perfectly serviceable (but boring black) borrowed ergo...


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## becs40

Ciacox we had an ergo but he got too big for it at about 15 months so we swapped to the Tula toddler. He's so flipping big it's ridiculous!
Our group is 12.30-2.30 and it's about 15 mins away, his nap is now 12.30-2.30 typically now the group time has changed. He could just about get away with an hour but by the time he was up and changed and got there we'd have about 1/2 hr there. I'll see this month if he'd maybe go down for 12 then have an hr and a 1/4 or something. There was talk it might be changing again as the last few times there's only been 3 or 4 of us there because of the time. One of the other mums there though has just moved into the same village so that will be good hopefully.
We popped into kiddicare today to look at buggy's as little man is almost at max weight for his and it's starting to feel a bit unbalanced. Anyway still want something sturdy and off roadable as think we will be using it for a minimum of another year. We have a mclaren which I hate as it has no support in it do he just slumps and slides in the seat. I had thought the mountain buggy swift looked perfect but he sat in it today and was already as tall as the seat so that's out!


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## dimplesforever

Hi 

Becs, I am a big fan of munchkin miracle 360 cups too - my LO wouldn't drink from anything other than a bottle til I found them and now he's doing really well with open cups.  I think you were v brave and right to comment on ** that they weren't v welcoming.  I have found some groups v closed.  The best ones I went to were baby sign language and swimming - I think those sort of activities are good ice breakers.  We went to an 'Arty Party' for a friend's daughter today and that seemed like another good way to get chatting - even if it was just comparing whose child had the most paint in their hair!

I still feel a bit of a social failure in terms of making new friends since placement so I'm not really in a good position to advise.  I have met up with other adopters through Adoption Link as that has a Playdate finder section it could help you link up with other local people


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## Paulapumpkin

Hello everyone 

I'm back!!!

It's been the most emotional journey my DH and I have been on but glad to say we've got three settled children who we've totally fallen in love with.  They've been home since September and we can't imagine life without them.  We've had really good days and bad and we've cried an awful lot.  Each child having very different issues as they are all different ages 3,6 & 9.  

In November we faced the devastation of my mil passing away very suddenly. Gosh I really don't know how we coped as we were grief stricken. We got through Christmas and it was great to see the kids opening their presents but to be honest my DH were like zombies and felt so lost with out mum.

The New Year I was hit with flu and have been poorly ever since with a horrendous cough, the kids have all been poorly and of course DH got man flu! Via auto pilot I've basically survived, I don't know how but the kids seem really happy and give us so much joy. Through my tears, tiredness, boredom, isolation and wanting to just be me again I have no regrets.

Today we've been thrown another curve ball....birth parents have concealed another pregnancy and we've been asked if we would consider adopting a pink who is a few weeks old.  Our initial reaction was joy and then panic is setting in when we think about sleepless nights, nappies, crying, teething etc.  The pros are outweighing all the cons and I think we've decided to say yes.  Would love to hear from anyone with a similar experience.

Hope everyone is well and it's great reading the forum again now I'm back in the land of the living!

Lots of love 

X


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## Tictoc

Hi Paula - we are currently doing fta on our AS's little brother. We have 4 now but closer age gap than you. They are 6, 3, 16 months and 3 months.

I can't pretend it's easy having a baby and the broken sleep was a real shock to the system but the chance to have a baby from so young was too much to say no to. I don't know what your situation is but if you have to do contact that can be tough! Don't under estimate it.

It sounds a bit weird but there is something lovely about being sleep deprived and awake in the middle of the night with a sleepy baby drinking their milk. I struggle to sleep with any noise those and my saviour has been earplugs - I can hear when he cries but I don't hear every breath so can actually sleep.

Good luck


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## Tw1nk82

Hey Paula lovely to hear from you. Glad everything is going so well xxx

Becs im loving the tula. We had a walk to post a letter while i pushed little man in his trike. She loved it. Never cried once so it must be a goer xxx


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## becs40

Fab news Twink! I find it really comfy and my monster is now 33lbs and I can still front carry him for a good couple of hours no bother. I really need to master a back carry though, I'm not far off getting right but will be a lot better for him I think although I'll miss the cuddles! Have you seen the Tula love uk ******** page? They're full of good advice on positioning and tips on how to make it more comfy and easier to get on and off etc.
Paula lovely to hear from you, sorry you've had such a hideous time! Sorry for your loss that must have been devastating.


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## PixieMcG

Our little man just turned nine months and started crawling. 🙈


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## Treaco

Hi girls glad to see all ur little ones are coming along nicely with some challenges along the way but where would we be without the challenges.

I'm pleased to say we got officially linked to our wee one yesterday and matching panel is on the 26th May as she's due another medical soon and they want to get that done before she moves.  Just hoping that as they linked us with no problems that matching panel will be the same.

M xx


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## becs40

Congrats treaco, exciting times now! Hope the wait flies by and you enjoy getting ready. 

Pixie it's a who,e new ball game now but you wait until walking then the fun really begins! I've now lost count of the amount of times a day I have to remove my little man from either the middle of the dining table or the windowsill in the conservatory! 

We're going through rubbish sleep again although to be fair I'm not entirely sure we ever got through it at any point, it's all such a blur! Suffice to say 16 months in with pretty badly broken sleep for I would say at least 90% of that coupled with pretty frequent 4.30am starts we're feeling exhausted. We get no time together as a couple at all now with the exception of I think 4 meals out in that time when we've been home by 9.30pm on each occasion. I'm so pee'd off with my parents at the moment that they don't want to have him on their own and give us any time as a couple. I'm so sick of hearing how they've been for a nice leisurely potter about in town with a coffee etc 3-4 times a week and say "you should do that", because that really happens with a 22 month old in tow doesn't it! My ******** feed is full of other people saying what their parents have been doing with their kids taking them for days out etc but mine won't even have him for more than an hour if he's not asleep. They used to have my nephews overnight, sometimes the entire weekend, take them away in their motor home but they can't even manage a morning out with little man. We really need some daytime time as a couple but doesn't look like we're going to get any. My mum knows I'm fed up with things but is choosing to ignore it thinking the issue lies with dh instead.


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## PixieMcG

Sorry becs that sounds awful, if you don't mind me asking but is there a reason they can't take him? We're going through the opposite where everyone wants to see him which results in me usually having something on every day or someone visiting. Sometimes I just want a day of doing what I want too. Feet stamp. 

Crawling is manageable but really not looking forward to walking. He likes to be up on his feet and walking while holding your hand but won't quite let go yet.


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## PixieMcG

Sorry congrats traeco


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## becs40

No Pixie they say it's just because they're older now so aren't up to it. My mum is 66 and dad is 72 but both fit and active. My dad still works, my mum spends hours digging in the garden and doing general gardening stuff. My mum has become very selfish in the past few years and everything has to be about her. When he was first placed they talked about him staying over etc but when it became apparent that he wakes generally at least twice a night usually more and is frequently up at 4.30am but 6 at the absolute latest she said she wouldn't have him. She said she would find it too hard on her own to have him but dad only works 3 days so he's there for 4 of them but seems to make no difference. They only live a mile and a half away but it's always down to us to go to them. They once in a blue moon come to us unless specifically invited despite us having to lug so much about to go to them and it obviously bring much better for little man to be in his own safe environment. At theirs he has to be in the living room only as too many hazards everywhere else.


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## becs40

She also constantly moans that he doesn't go and cuddle her the way he does dh and I, which isn't really surprising!


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## PixieMcG

No becs it's not surprising at all. You would think they would try it for a few hours and see how they go and build up to an overnight just to give you a break.


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## becs40

She's just turned up here to do the gardening "to help" because  that really helps when you're just about to try and put him down for a nap because he got up - yes got up, not woke up at 3.00am today!


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## Loki Girl

Oh dear Becs. U poor thing must be sooo frustrating. It's a shame they just don't want to have him when like you say they are fit and active. It must be so hard for him to wake up so early. I know cus as you know we had hell with our little lady to begin with. When I give littlest man his feed now at 5am I sit there and think how did we ever get up at this time everyday!!! She will generally sleep through from 7-7 now and big man will sleep straight through from 7-8/8.30am and well littlest man still insists on waking every 3hrs to be fed and that's a bit of a killer. I sit there and think surely the older u get the more milk you take and the longer you go between feeds but nope he doesn't seem to be going that way. We were longing for 12 weeks thinking he'll be sleeping through but he's 11 weeks next week and still won't take more than 5oz food every 3hrs. Such a faff lol. 

But today we took little lady to see Peppa Pig live. First time we have taken her to a show and she absolutely loved it. I was nearly crying at her joy which is ridiculous but have waited for this for so long was just so lovely to take my daughter. My parents got to our house at 8am to have the boys. We went with my sister in law and my 3yt old niece so came back to their house to play and the girls having a great time. It's now 2pm and we have an hour drive back so think we had better go as mom will have prob been run ragged tho she took them for a walk to have coffee. Big man should be in bed now so will just be little man whom she can hold for hours!!! Sorry Becs but then they will think nothing of wanting to go to Tenerife for 6mths and not thinking what that will do to the children when they see them that much!!! 

Still not having any luck arranging last goodbye contact for littlest man. BM doesn't seem bothered and little man's placement hearing is now April not May so she hasn't got long if she is going to do it!! So we have PO hearing on 21st April and matching panel on 2nd May so not long to go!!!

Hope you are all having lovely weekend.


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## poppy05

Good afternoon all


I feel the time has come to lock this thread and move you onto the parenting area within the adoption boards, as you know this thread was started for adoption buddies starting out, these posts will not be deleted, but once i lock it you will no longer be able to post here.
I can set you up a new thread in the parenting area to chat? so you can all still keep in touch with eachother, if you would like to name the thread yourselves then please post in here, and i will set it up for you and post the link in here so nobody gets left behind.
I will be locking this thread tomorrow.


If there is anyone posting here who is still going through the adoption process, there is an adoption buddies 2016 thread going which you are very welcome to join.


poppy xx


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## PixieMcG

Oh a new thread.


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## Treaco

The 2016 thread says for people starting this year but there is some of us still on here that started with all the people on here but haven't had their littles ones placed yet so think it's a bit harsh to move us away from them

M x


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## poppy05

The locking of this thread isn't to upset anyone, it is purely because this thread is not being used as a buddy starting out thread anymore.
i can move this thread into the long term chat buddy area if you would prefer that? that area of the forum is a self moderated area therefore you can talk freely about anything and everything.


poppy xx


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## Treaco

Hi Poppy that would be good.

Thanks
M x


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## poppy05

No problem hun, i will move it tomorrow, just to make sure plenty of posters have seen my message xx


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## becs40

Sorry Poppy, do you mean out of the adoption area all together? If so I'm really not in favour of that. I know this isn't a private area here but it's less likely to get all and sundry wading in with opinions unrelated to adoption. I'm not opposed to a new thread but think it needs to remain within the adoption section.


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## DRocks

I'm still here, and not yet matched.
These lot are my friends I don't want to join yet another group of ladies.
Can't it just stay?


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## becs40

Is there not a compromise in that we start another chat thread in the adoption area but leave this one open for its original purpose? It seems a bit unfair to not have this thread still here for those that started with us and before us in some cases but still waiting. We've all shared the journey together and it would be lovely for them to still be able to post their news on here when they get it.


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## Loki Girl

That would be a good idea Becs. I would be sad not to see some of the ladies on here finish their journeys. Still want to chat to ladies though as sometimes these messages are the only understanding support we can get. We can still offer advice on here then to the ladies that started in 2015.


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## poppy05

Sorry ladies, but like all buddy threads, eventually they have to be moved on, the long term buddy area wont attract new people to your thread, it will be just as it is now, it just wont be in here. 
I have offered to move you over to the parenting threads but i think the long term buddy area will be the best place as like i said before, it isnt a moderated area, so you are free to talk about whatever you like there.

poppy xx


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## poppy05

Hi ladies

I have started a 'placement and beyond' chat thread within the parenting area on the adoption boards here is the link for anyone wishing to join .

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=344538.new#new

Then this buddy thread will move to the long term chat area later on.

poppy xx


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## becs40

Poppy where is the long term chat area? If it is outside of the adoption boards I am vehemently against this thread being moved there! There are a lot of us on here who have shared a lot of information about our lo's and whilst I understand the adoption boards aren't private like the post placement groups 99% of people on the threads are either involved or wishing to become involved with adoption. 
If this thread is in a general chat area it will undoubtedly attract a huge amount more "non adopters" to view it and I certainly have not put my posts on this thread with it being viewed by anyone other than adopters of potential adopters.


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## poppy05

The long term buddy area does not attract anyone other than the people who have posted on your group, as you said, the adoption area is public so anyone can read your posts in here too.
Long term area is all the groups who have formed friendships and their groups no longer have a place on the main forum, 2014/15 starting out buddys is no longer a starting out thread, you would of been moved a while ago but the adoption area didn't have a full time moderator to look after you.
We take the moderation of the forum very seriously and have to think of new members, parenting chat must be moved into the correct area, and groups who wish to stay together will be moved into the long term area.


poppy xx


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## becs40

I don't understand why this can't just go into the parenting adopted children section? General chat areas do attract others because they see the other threads and are often curious an will read. The previous thread of this wasn't moved to a general chat area but closed down and left in this section. I'm not sure why this thread has to be moved outside of the adoption section?


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## Thepinklady

I would agree with becs and suggest it gets moved to the parenting adopted children under a similar name. I think it is better if it is kept in the adoption boards.


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## poppy05

I can move this to the parenting area which i suggested yesterday,however  not everyone posting has their placement yet so im trying to keep everyone happy, people still waiting for placements don't necessarily want to move on to the parenting area, i have to think of everyone, there is a new parenting chat thread which i posted the link for, which you are welcome to join.


poppy xx


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## alig1972

Hi 

As one of those still waiting! I agree with Becs and think it should remain within the Adoption Boards. As long as everyone who posts on here can still view and post. 

I joined the 2016 board, but feel a bit of an outsider as much further along than the majority on there. 

Hopefully we can come to some arrangement that we can all keep posting and chatting...

Ali


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## becs40

But Poppy you are missing the point entirely in that as an adopter that has probably shared more than I should of, I absolutely do not want this thread moving to a "free for all" area. Our privacy as adopters has to be paramount in the decision.


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## poppy05

I will move you to the parenting area, but please be aware that there is no privacy on these boards it is a public forum.
I shall move you over now.

poppy xx


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## DRocks

I'm sorry Poppy but this feels very discriminatory..
It's still active, still has people waiting to be matched.
I don't think your being at all understanding about this.


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## becs40

I'm at a complete loss as to why it needs to be moved as well Disney! If it were being locked down to start a continuation then I could see the point but moving it from one area to another doesn't seem to achieve anything other than aggrieving people!


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## Thepinklady

So is the thread still here but simply moved section. Not sure what the point was but i am glad it is still here as a very useful thread with people I feel I have got to know.


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## ritzi

Not sure what moving the thread achieved exactly?


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## becs40

Perhaps Poppy would like to explain as I don't understand. It doesn't bother me it's here but I do think it's insensitive at best and offensive at  worst to those still waiting to be either approved/ matched. 
If everyone on the thread were now parents then fair enough but there are quite a few who aren't and we've shared their journey with them over the last 1-2 years and it must feel like yet another kick in the teeth to them to have "their thread" now moved to the parenting section.


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## Handstitchedmum

Hello 

I understand there is some confusion about why this thread was moved. I hope I can answer your questions.

It is common for buddy threads to turn to talk of pregnancy or parenting, as more members become successful over time at having or adopting children. These topics, however, can be difficult to read for members who are experiencing challenges in growing their family. Fertility Friends has a range of guidelines to help maintain the supportive, welcoming environment that first attracted you here.  One of those guidelines is restricting discussions of pregnancy or parenting to specific threads, boards or areas.

Moderators use their discretion when deciding when to move posts or threads to the parenting boards, like Poppy has done here. As you have noticed, your thread history is preserved. Members who have not yet had a placement can still read and participate on the thread. Best of all, the general adoption and fostering board remains a welcoming, safe place for all members, including those who may be experiencing challenges in growing their family.

I have updated the Introduction sticky on the Adopting and Fostering board to clarify the board guidelines for you.

I recommend that any further questions about board guidelines or the moving of this thread are asked in PM or in another thread, so you minimise any disruption to your support and chat. Please keep in mind that you are not being targeted and this is not discrimination. Moderators all across Fertility Friends have to make the same hard decisions about when to "graduate" long-standing buddy threads to parenting forums.

In fact, this is why the Board Buddies board exists, to provide members like yourselves with a safe and flexible place to develop your friendships further. There are no restrictions on pregnancy or parenting discussions there.

Please continue to show respect to each other and your moderators, who are all volunteers. Xx


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## ciacox

Thanks guys. I think it makes sense for this thread to be here now, although I'll certainly be keeping an eye on the other one and offering support to others on the way to their forever families. This forum has been a lifesaver for me and given I'm not in a position to volunteer to moderate I'm happy to go with moderators' decisions. Hugs to all. Let's keep chatting!


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## becs40

Thank you for the explanation handstitchedmum. That makes it clear and gives a valid reason for the move. I hope the existing members who are still waiting will continue to post here too because I know I'd love to continue to be part of their journey and share their good news when they get it.


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## poppy05

New home this way ladies

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=344553.new#new


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