# Help any 40+ IVF own eggs support?



## gomezfernandez1975 (May 30, 2017)

Hi All,

Today I feel very sad and without hope. Following my first IVF my 3 embryos didn't grow more than 3 cells and they all arrested.
I am almost 42 (in Aug) and my doctor told me that potentially all my eggs are poor and therefore shouldn't spend any money and try the donor or adoption route.
I married when I was 39 but wasn't ready to become a mum until last year. We tried naturally but it didn't work. I feel devastated that I could never be a mum with my own eggs.
My husband is 35 and I feel that he doesn't deserve not to become a dad.
Guilt of not doing it earlier is the worst feeling.

I am looking for some positive stories. I am currently at the lister and thinking of switching for a second IVF. I am scared of the outcome as I am not sure if my eggs will make it past the second day this time.

Thank you! smile


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## Syd72 (Sep 15, 2016)

Very sorry to hear about your failed IVF.  If you come over to the "over 40s" board there's a thread called "over 45 with own eggs" or something like that.  It doesn't matter that you're not quite 42, the ladies on there are very welcoming and very knowledgeable.  I'm definitely not an expert but I would certainly think you should still have hope with own eggs at 42.


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## Bozcat7 (May 30, 2017)

Hi Gomez, I feel your disappointment. I'm 41 and have just found out my fifth go at Ivf/ICSI has failed. I had my first go at 39 and I had five embryos that all arrested on day three. Since then I've had embryos transferred on day two. My last go I had 3 embryos transferred and was told they were great quality (but I'm always told this and I pay little attention now). Anyway, sorry, I'm not being very helpful, but I too suspect the main issue is my egg quality and I'm trying to read up about any way to improve this. I've read a bit about DHEA supplements but ARGC, who I had treatment with the last two times, don't agree with it apparently. I've emailed them to clarify. It's such a difficult and confusing journey, but one that I know I'm not ready to walk away from just yet (with my own eggs). As long as I feel like this, I'll keep trying. I believe that it's likely I still have the odd good egg left, however it's retrieving it that's the tricky bit. The odds are against us, but it's worth it to keep trying.  Good luck


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## muriel (May 11, 2017)

Hi, 
I really really know how you feel. I just turned 44 last week  . I have been through 9 IVF cycles with only one early pregnancy. I also started at 39.5 and neither of us had any "medical "issues, it was just age. I had good 5 day blasts each time with PGS normal until beginning of last year and then have had 2 cycles with 2 embies but no blasts my last cycle was in Greece beginning of May. We all hope and wish and try all sorts of supplements etc.We look for women our age that have had successfull IVF etc. Nothing has been medically proven to improve fertility at our age. We have spent the last 5 years living for the the next treatment....time just passes.
I don't have the right answer for you but if I had to go back in time, with today's experience, I would have continued trying naturally for a bit longer. Even though the medical community says chances are really low , they are also really low with IVF at that age. I had great AMH levels when I started and they told me really good chances...whatever !!!I feel like my body and my ovaries are now just premenopausal after all of this.
As you know, after failing IVF we need to have a "next" step to take. 
Today, I have chosen a donor, which is something I always said I wouldn't do. I guess I also feeling guilty for being old. I still have remorseful feelings and to this day am still not sure I can go through with it.
I know this is not what you want to hear, again I really know, but I feel women that have been though all of this need to share their experiences since statistics are often biased ....Good luck in your  journey


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi Ladies 

Tha Over 40's board is here:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0
And specifically the new Over 45 With Own Eggs? - Part 2 here:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=373633.0
Or Part 1 here:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=347735.0

What I would say is that I got pregnant for the first time at 42 but had an early miscarriage, and then another 1 year later. I tested positive for Antiphospholipid Syndrome but also I think my eggs were rubbish too. My AMH was practically undetected, and since going the DE route I couldn't be happier. I know that some ladies will get success with OE when they are older but the journey may be more fraught & emotionally hard. And whilst DE isn't the 'golden egg' some people make it out to be, it can save a lot of heartache. Why not have a look at our DC/DE board too:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=64.0
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=551.0

Good luck !!

Bundles x


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## BB41 (Nov 16, 2016)

Hi there
I am 42 and have done 2 natural cycle rounds. I got blastocyst both times but didn't stick. Ivf was the only option for us as my partner has severe sperm issues. My amh is low and we were given the donor egg talk. Consultant gave us a 1% chance! However we did better than expected and managed really good quality embryos- but the issue is at my age only about 1/10 blastocyst are chromosomally normal. If we had no medical issues we'd be better off trying naturally as it's such a numbers game. If I were you I'd consider trying natural ivf (cheaper and less strain on the body) - you will be able to do more rounds and success at this age usually requires a lot more attempts. You can do a 3 cycle package including meds, sedation, etc. for well under 10k. If there's no medical need for ivf though you may be better off just trying naturally with very good timing (very good book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility - explains in detail how to track ovulation by cervical mucus/cervix position and what you need to look out for to optimise chances). Also read the book It Starts with the Egg - about diet and lifestyle changes to improve egg quality- i was sceptical but thought it was worth a try - i went from 2/3 follicles, 1 egg and a slow growing blastocyst in my first round to 8 follicles, 2 eggs and a top quality blastocyst in my second (after 3 months of following the books advice). 
Donor egg not for me so I was willing to give ivf a go. But the truth is chances are low post 40. If you don't have the means for multiple rounds natural conception may work better as you have more chances. I know people who have had success naturally over 40 and I wouldn't have gone the ivf route if I didn't have to. We agreed we could afford only 3 rounds and I'm ok with moving to adoption. My partner wants to borrow for 3 more rounds. It's so tempting because it feels like we just need to get lucky but I don't want to end up massively in debt, and still with no child. I think you have to weigh up what really matters to you. Adoption was always an option for me. I like the idea of making a difference and for me it gives a sense of meaning to infertility. My partner has a child (also through ivf) already though so I don't have the issue of depriving him of fatherhood. If he didn't I would be inclined to try donor egg. Bear in mind that donor egg can still take a few attempts so if this is an option for you make sure you leave yourself enough funds to pursue it. I know what you mean about wishing you had started earlier- i was 37 when we met but ended up being 41 by the time we started ivf. We waited until we had bought a house etc. I knew we would need treatment and didn't want to do until we were living together (we were long distance due to work/child factors). I didn't know that ivf was so difficult for older women (it's not public knowledge right?) and once I realised did regret not just getting on with it before - but, I don't know if our relationship would have survived it then. You have to be ready, you did what you could at the time and there's no point in regretting stuff. 
Wishing you all the best whatever you decide and remember there's many ways to start a family x


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

It's so odd nowadays. Women in the old days were having the forst child at 25 and the last at 45. And now we are being told that after 35 it is difficult. Not sure what to believe.
BB41 if there are no medical issues continue trying naturally as well as IVF.


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## BB41 (Nov 16, 2016)

Hi, thanks, yes in our case naturally is unlikely to work as partner has severe sperm problems. We have never used contraception so that route is always open but I think extremely unlikely. 
It's true women have always had (and still do) natural pregnancies over 40 but the point is not all women will be able to do this and nowadays many women are not starting a family until this age - not all of them will be successful. Also the post 35 thing is more of a problem when doing IVF rather than trying naturally. As so many embryos will be abnormal in older women you need more attempts to find the right one. IVF works by maximising chances of just one cycle - that's always going to make it less successful for older women.


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## kelster17 (Jun 20, 2017)

Hi Ladies, I'm new to this still. Thank you for sharing your stories. This is all so hard and I wish you the best luck and am hopefully starting my journey with donor as the doctor told me I don't have enough eggs for IVF. 


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