# Friend turning against me?



## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

I have a nasty feeling that a friend of mine is turning against me.

She has said a couple of things in the last few weeks that have had an edge to them and I am not sure if I am imagining things.

This friend struggled with miscarriages before the 1st child was born and now she is expecting the second.

She has been, up to now, supportive of my quest to have a baby and has held me when I cry and said all the right things.

Last time I was in contact it was by text and she told me that it was my life to do with as I please, but she thought the divorce was too much hassle. This is after after the previous time we met when she was agreeing that divorcing and pursuing donor IVF alone was my best option. Then she went on to text that if my husband had found another woman then "could I blame him?".

Then tonight I went out with her and another friend who also has a baby. She was making a long and detailed speech at the end of the evening about how she can say hand on heart that having a baby is not the be all and end all; how she would adopt; how biology or having a tiny baby from conception and birth is not important; how they only get interesting when the baby is 18months; how this pregnancy is hard and she would think adoption is a better option; how other friends have had terrible IVF and birth experiences.

Is she trying to protect me, or is there another agenda? To get me to give up, so  I shut up?

How could she? She had a great big gaping hole in her life before she managed to carry a baby to term and I remember sitting with her hour after hour marvelling at every little change. She has a bond with that baby that is irreplaceable.

It was a delightful and exciting time and not one that I would have missed and I long for so deeply in my own life. I have a gaping hole in my life and someone giving me their "wisdom" is not going to miraculously fill it.

She says I only think I need it filled. I thought she of all people understood. I cannot believe that she has forgotten how it feels to be infertile and long for a child. I told her that she was in the lucky position of being able to choose.


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Hi Hazel

Your story sounds really painful, especially if there is a divorce as well as fertility issues.  I feel for you.  Of course she knows how you feel, if she also experienced a longing for pregnancy, and has been there to wipe your tears over the time you have been friends.  It sounds to me like she is trying to support you by downplaying the importance of one of your own.  Maybe she can't stand you still being in pain and wants you to move on to find another option?  There must be some guilt for her too, she's got what you want.  As far as the husband comment goes does she feel you have lost your relationship due to infertility issues and maybe she's cross about that, that it got so big and had such a devestating effect on your marriage?  Give yourself a break too for being upset, you have aright to feel how you feel, and I guess only you know how long you want to pursue your dream of your own child as opposed to adoption.  Maybe your friend wants you set yourself a time boundary so you live life too rather than just waiting.

I will pray for you Hazel.  

Sabah
xxx


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