# wanting no 2 already but dh not sure



## Guest (May 6, 2013)

Hi everyone 
So happy to find you all!! Basically we have just had a baby via surrogacy in India. We went through surrogacy after struggling with a thin lining in DE IVF. I felt at the time that I had no more emotional energy or self esteem to give to de IVF 18 months ago. However now I'm so overjoyed to have our baby boy, I realise that I am willing to go through more physical and emotional upheaval to try for number 2. I want to try a new treatment and my dr thinks its a good idea and we have frozen embryos from before. On top of this I'd really like to try again as it is so important to me that I've done everything possible to try experience pregnancy.
However....
My dh is not so sure....he would ideally prefer to wait a few years to go through more IVF or go for adoption in a few years ....he is terrified of stepping back on an emotional rollarcoaster so soon....and is worried the impact it will have on me in particular....

I just don't see the need to wait, if we are going to do it why not do it in 6months, why wait?

But, he doesn't understand that I've grown strong through the difficulties of a m/c before and during IVF, through the legal nightmare of international surrogacy, through IF, through the whole thing and I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago,. I said goodbye to the idea of being pregnant and in that way I'm actually feeling more "free".....since before it felt like my identity, mental well being and sense of self esteem depended on my capability to get pregnant....whereas now I don't "need it" anywhere near as much, so I'm mire emotionally separate to the whole thing, so if it didn't work, I wouldn't fall as hard at all.....

I feel like whilst I adore my son who is perfect in every way....he is a reminder of how amazing it is to have a baby.....and is a reminder that we can't have another a simple/natural way.....

Even just corresponding with our dr has given me renewed hope and made me enjoy the "here and now" much better...
I feel so strongly about wanting our son to have a sibling and also I've always wanted 2/3 children. I've played through the idea of just having an only child and I can conceive if it as ok, I'd just really like to see if the new treatment does the trick for me. To put it plainly...."I'm not quite done yet"....

Any helpful advice on how to find a compromise with my dh would be gratefully received!!

Thankyou so much in advance 
AR x


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