# Can't sleep - feel really low



## Vanilla (Sep 6, 2005)

HI

Thank you to those of you to respond to my last post, your info was very helpful.

The man from the LA came round yesterday a.m, I am now at a complete loss at what to do and feeling extremely low. He made it quite clear that we could not continue with fertility treatment while progressing with adoption - fair enough. He said he could get us on a course in Jan '06 if we did proceed and a match, after panel, could be Jan 07 for our requested siblings. This i quite liked. What I didn't like was that I would be required to go on the pill. I haven't been on any contraceptives since I was 18. I reacted badly to them, mood swings, depression and weight gain. Is this really normal procedure? The thought of taking m ore chemicals daily for over a year terrifies me! So much so that I thought, ok, lets do the egg donation then, but my DH says we can't afford it until  next July. This would then mean if it was unsuccessful, we would have to wait until Dec '06 to start the adoption process. Then we're looking at roughly middle of 2008 for a match. I can't wait that long and I'm beginning to really hate myself and my body as I'm the cause of my infertility. The weather doesn't help! Can anyone shake me out of this?

Vanilla x


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Vanilla

Sorry that you feeling so low.  Re the contraception can you use another method ie the coil or cap etc?  From what I can gather they like you to use contraception so that you don't fall pregnant (ironic as the case maybe).  I think that they see it as a way to not waste anybodies time as it is a long drawn out journey!!

I noticed that you and hubby are around the same age, I was really worried about being too old, but we were told that me and my husband were the youngest couple that our SW had dealt with - I am 33 and my DH is 42!!!

For us adoption is now the only route that we want to pursue.  At least we know that at the end of it all we will have our dream (God willing we are approved etc etc!!).  whereas with fertility tx there is always the question of it possibly not working.  After 10 years of waiting we decided it was enough!  We feel as though a door has opened up for us and that a weight has lifted from our shoulders!

Don't go down the route of hating your body, I know how this feels as I have been there done that and got the T-Shirt!!  I have tried to turn it round to thinking that my body is doing this so that I can provide some child/children the loving family that they otherwise wouldn't ever get, kind of a special gift!  Plus at least with adoption there are no stretch marks   

I get really excited at the thought of being able to take our child/children home one day, even though this may be at least 1 year away!!

Have you got any family members that you can talk to, it may help to share your feelings....

Here if you need me..

T x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Dear Vanilla,

sorry youre feeling so low... 

but don't worry about the SWs and contraceptives.....their agenda is two fold (1)not waste their time and (2) not to disrupt a placement as this is very bad for the adopted children. I don't think you need to concern yourself with the first agenda....that's not your problem, but for the second one: the only critical time for you not getting pregnant is when you've been matched. So until then tell them what they want to hear! Sorry if this sounds a bit anti-SWs, I'm not at all, but at the end of the day while we all want the same goals we have different agendas till we get there.

as for the fertility treatment.....that's a decision only you can make, but I think they have good reasons for making you wait till you're sure your finished with it before proceeding with the adoption process.

good luck with whatever you decide,
XXRuth.


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

I agree with Ruth.  The way I see it, I am unexplained have never fallen pg... not in over 8 years.  So I just don't think it is going to happen.  But I am not going to be bullied into putting chemicals into my body.  Much like you, Vanilla, I have reacted badly to the pill in the past and have only ever been on it for about 4 months in all... on 2 seperate occasions.  Also, it could take a long time for us to be matched.  I am going to use the Persona (which I used before ttc) and will make sure that I don't get pg around being matched with a child (I couldn't bear it if I let a child down that way on purpose)!!  I will tell my SW that we are using the Persona for contraception... she doesn't need any further details!!


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

I totally agree what the SW doesn't know won't hurt them!!

and also it is more relevant to when you are being matched.

Hope the sun is shining brighter for you soon Vanilla  

T x


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

HI Vanilla

Sorry to hear about you feeling so down, I understand how you feel.

You will find however that once you cut all ties to TTC your own child you will feel a whole lot better and more focused on life/adoption in general. Granted that none of us will always long for a child of our own, that feeling I dont think will ever go away, I think you just develop a slight acceptance to the situation we are left in.

There is no way they can force you to go on the pill, ok if they do just dont take them, lol!!  

Take care and hope you feel better soon

Love Lou xxxxx


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## Vanilla (Sep 6, 2005)

Hi Ladeez

Thank you for support. All advice taken on board, Gotcha on the pill bit - stay schtum! Am still a little lost and confused, just need to think it over and over.

Have a lovely w/end and thanx for being there. Expect to hear from me soon.

Vanilla x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Sorry Just wanted to say I think you've been given some good advice.

SW can't make you do something you don't want to.  There are other forms of contraception & I think what Lou said has given some great advice about your emotions about ttc.

It's a very difficult situation you find yourself in but don't let it get you down.......come onto this wonderful site and vent your anger with your friends!! 
TFN
Andrea


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Vanilla

I can only echo what the others have said.  Hope you are feeling better.

Karen x


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## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Vanilla, 

hope you are not so low now and just wanted to say i understand completely about the contraception thing. I don't think that there are any of us here that will ever stop occasionally thinking about what might have been if we had had our biological child. I know I still get a little low when the anniversary of my m/c or EDD roll around again.

Deciding to go down the adoption route is a huge step because of the double whammy of stopping trying for your own biological child. Only you know what is right for you and I know you will make the right decision whatever it might be.

I can't really give any advice cause everyone's story is different but I just wanted to say that the months stretched out in front of me when we started the adoption path and then suddenly it was like time had fast forwarded and I couldn't believe we were nearing the end.

Stay positive and we are all here for you

Morgana x


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi, hope you don't mind me butting in!

My mum is 65 this year & she's had me for 38 years (I am adopted) - we are very open about adoption/ivf, etc - she told me that although she'd never want to change me (phew!) she still very occasionally wonders what her offspring with my dad might have looked like/been like.

I guess it's just a perfectly normal reaction - don't beat yourself up about it.

Good luck, especially to Vanilla, ... it's bound to take a little while to get your head around giving up ttc - it's what you've focused on for so long.

Lots of love & best wishes,
Jess xxxx


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