# Advice please



## tillie (Apr 9, 2005)

Hi, to cut a long story short I have split up with my partner and we have been under the fertility clinic at my local hospital as I have had trouble conceiving  They done my bloods in April and a L&D in June and found four lots of endo, they managed to blast away 3 lots of the endo and said I have a 6 month window where I am now most fertile.  I am due to have follicle tracking done next month, I have decided to carry on with that and not mention about the split up.  My question is this...as I have limited funds (around (£7000 at most which would leave me with nothing) would you go for self insemination (can that be done and if so how using a donor?) or go straight to DIVF.  I am 40 so I need to get cracking 

Thanks


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## Gaby (Aug 8, 2008)

Dear Tillie,
That's a tricky one, I have no experience, I've only recently decided to start treatment as a single woman, but I'd say that at your stage changing a lot the direction of the path you've taken may have implications that you may not have time to consider carefully... Where you going to use an unknown donor? 
Best wishes and best of luck with whatever you choose,
Gaby


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Tillie,

Lots of good advice and thoughts from Rose there. For sure it's a very tricky and highly personal decision and there are so many factors to consider. 

If you don't have a known donor already in mind for insemination at home, then I would imagine it's going to take quite some time to find someone you feel comfortable with and to have all the necessary conversations to ensure you're both comfortable with the role he will have in the life of the child etc. And for him to get some tests done as well.

So in some ways, the clinic route is more straightforward and potentially quicker - you don't have to go straight to IVF if you don't feel comfortable, you could also have insemination at a clinic (IUI). Although as I think I said in your other thread if I were in your position (with limited funds, getting older) then I would probably move to IVF pretty quickly as success rates with IUI are so low...but that's purely my personal view on things

Most importantly though, do take some time to think through all your options here. Have a read of the Mikki Morrisette or Jane Mattes books if you haven't already - I found them very helpful when working out the right steps for me. I know you feel under this terrible time pressure to get things started and make decisions, as we all do, but this isn't something you can rush given the lifelong consequences  

All the best with the decision making and I hope things start to become clearer soon,
Laura
x


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Tillie,
I am 40 and as you can see by my signature have been ttc for a year now. I would say that trying IUI is of course cheaper and less invasive, self-insemination is even cheaper but of course with lots of possible complications - with such a small window, you could use up valuable time with self insem with a donor who may not even have good enough sperm....in the least I would want to get them checked out at a clinic but this could also use up time. Personally, I would have found it difficult not to do IUI at least once but having had three failed cycles and now knowing that IVF has not worked so far despite perfect results with everything, I would go to IVF straight away...but that's just me. I don't know about endo and IVF, whether IVF improves your chances or not? I guess you will be able to monitor uterus lining etc but then you can do that anyway if you are with a clinic and probably are anyway. I also wonder about not mentioning the break up to the clinic...you'll have to tell them eventually and might be better to find out sooner if they have any issues with this. At least you could change clinic if necessary....e.g. do they have donor sperm...if not you need to find another clinic asap or order it in (which may be possible but pricey - about £1000 from Leicester at the moment for 6 vials, the minimum amount that you can get with a pregnancy slot reserved)?

Just some thoughts from another mature girl! Hope it is helpful...pm me if you want to chat more.

best of luck

Muddylane


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## tillie (Apr 9, 2005)

Thankyou for your replys.

My ex was my partner, we wasnt married.

I dont want the complications of using a friend as a donor and dont know anyone that I would trust enough to do such a huge thing with.  Plus I would want them to have all the tests.  My ex had this all done through the hospital. If I done self insemination I wondered if I could get donor sperm?

The hospital I am with at the moment has said to ring on the 1st day of my next period for the tracking so I just thought if I do that it will at least let me know if I am ok and then obviously on my next appointment I would have to cancel and tell them about the split.  I just thought it best not to say anything yet and carry on just incase me and my ex work things out (that is very doubtful though).  As its under NHS they only treat couples.  I was told 6 months when I had the L&D in June so that gives me till November really.  Would I be best to do that and once I get the results contact Reprofit if I decide to go that route?

My gut tell me to go to Reprofit as and I dont mean to sound blarsay (is that spelt right!) but I will get more chances using them and I know they have a very good name.

Thanks

Tillie

x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Tillie 

Pretty sure you can't get donor sperm via the clinic (ie checked and approved) route and then inseminate at home. For home insemination you would need to have a private arrangement with someone. You can find men willing to donate privately (there are a couple of websites) but that still leaves you with the need to spend time making sure they are the right person and getting all the right agreements in place etc. 

There's no waiting list for IVF with your own eggs at Reprofit so yes, you could probably have a cycle there in November (assuming you've had all the blood tests and screening tests done etc - which I assume you have as you are already under a clinic here)

I personally wouldn't be able to lie about being in a couple, but that's because I'm a terrible liar and would be bound to get found out. But if this is just a monitoring cycle (ie they will just do some scans and bloods during your cycle to make sure all OK) then I guess you could go ahead with that and then tell them you can't go ahead with full tx because you and your ex have separated. 

Good luck,
Laura
x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi Tillie

What a difficult time but positive that you are moving ahead on your own.  Good luck with it all, I can't help much with IVF but there are lots of very supportive and knowledgeable women on here who will be able to give you some good advice.

Good luck.

Lxx


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