# On Radio 5 Live Now



## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

Hi all,

They're talking about Surrogacy on Radio 5 live now.

Just thought I'd let you know

Love

Vicki x


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Oh I missed it.

We havehad a meeting with our financial adviisor today or I would have listened 

What were they saying ??

T xx


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## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

Not a lot really...Just the fors and against type thing...As with IVF there was a lot of negative feedback...it's not right blah blah blah...They were being more nosey about how much surros get paid I just switched off in the end as I thought it was a load of twaddle and another excuse to get at people who need help with having a family.

Wish I could've reported something good to you.

Love

Vicki x


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

No its ok hun.

Being a surrogate you get used to peoples negative thoughts very quickly !!

The same as IVF - the only people who actually understand and don't think its wrong are people who have experienced infertililty close to home.  

As soon as someone says to me "what a wonderful thing you are doing" you know their son/daughter/niece/sister/brother/etc have been affected by infertility.

On the other hand as soon as someone says "why would you do that your disgusting" you tend to find their son/daughter/niece/sister/brother/etc has produced 20/30 kids no problems and gets pregnant just by looking at someone 

Now if anyone takes the "your disgusting" approach I know to just feel sorry for them.  

Shame it couldn't have been more positive 

T xx


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## Lorna (Apr 8, 2004)

When I was in the USA, I talked to total strangers, about my surro babies.  And *everybody* congratulated me.  I didn't have one negative comment.

But having said that, I have only told me my family, and close friends in the UK, and even some of those, think what we did was weird.

What is wrong with the UK?

Lorna


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Sorry I'm invading here, I was just reading this thread with interest.

I don't by any means think surrogacy is "disgusting" but I don't think I could have gone through it myself - I think watching another woman be pregnant with my OH's baby would have been too painful for me.  Even if she was doing it "for us" - watching him stroke her tummy and knowing that she was carrying the child Inever could and watchin him and her at the birth, knowing it was "their" child and not mine - it would have been unbearable.  I'd be worried he might develop feelings for her as she was carrying his baby and I wasn't . . . especially if she was young and attractive!

We did talk about all our options (before this unexpected miracle occured and I got pg myself) and my OH was very much against surrogacy as well as he couldn't face getting someone else involved and getting another woman pregnant who was not me.  People always suggested it automatically when we said we couldn't seem to get pg and I think that for those who don't share my concerns its wonderful, but it isn't for everyone and I don't think it should be suggested as a "matter of course" if a couple can't conceive themselves.  Also it should not just be resorted to as an "easy fix" for fertility as many, usually very fertile, people assume it is.

I also remember reading about stories where surrogates have decided to keep the baby after its born and my God that must have been painful for the IPs!  I saw a documentary about Mary Beth Whitehead in America and I felt so ANGRY with her - she already had kids and this poor couple had none and yet she was trying to deny them the husband's child!  Awful.  She shouldn't have become a surrogate if she felt she couldn't give the baby up - she'd been through pregnancy before so she knew the emotional risks involved.

I think its a great thing to do if you are really comfortable with it but I think it is not really an automatic "option" for those who can't get pregnant themselves because of the emotions involved.  What they don't seem to address in these programmes is that it really wouldn't suit everyone.

I was even accused once of being "silly and selfish" when I said I couldn't face watching another woman have my OH's child!  This was by a mega-fertile person who had no idea what it was to be infertile.


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

No Lady Moonlight surrogacy isn't for everyone, and obviously if you don't think you could trust your husband it wouldn't be for you.  Yes some surrogacys do go wrong, but that is usually when all the parties involved have not thought and talked things through properly, and rushed into things without getting to know each other well.
You have to be able to trust your husband and your surrogate 100%, and remember they are not having a relationship, and the baby is yours ( you and your husbands), not the surrogates.
You of course are entitled to your opinion, but you should remember that you are very lucky not to find yourself in the position where surrogacy is your only option.
Surrogacy is our only option and our friend and surrogate is now 21 weeks pregnant with our baby.
Good Luck with your pregnancy.
EJJB


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## Danuna (Apr 27, 2005)

Firstly congratulations on having such great news!  It's true what EJJB said, surrogacy is not for everyone.  No one that experiences fertility issues should have surrogacy "dangled in front of them" like some magical cure to their problem - I believe it should always be an option, but not one that someone is called "silly and selfish" for rejecting.

Good for you for being honest with yourself and with those around you. I wish you well.


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## MrsRedcap (Jan 6, 2006)

lgft hunny,

The radio 5 live interview was back in May and it was a phone in on the show.

I haven't heard your interview before. What a sad situation for you and I so hope your embies are ok

Love

Vicki x


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