# Christian - anger towards God!



## skye11

Hi,

Are there any other Christians out there battling with their feelings towards God?

I'm facing a long wait for Ivf and keep hearing about and seeing others get pregnant easily. I have moments when I feel angry at God? Isn't he able to create life, so why such a struggle for me? Then I feel guilty! 

Our friends, just last week had their first baby without having to try for long? Instead of feeling happy for them, I feel jealous, followed by guilt and I ask what kind of Christian does that make me? Surely trying for a baby should be some of the happiest years of your life? It's certainly not like that for me! 

I have good days and blue days, today being a blue day! Just feel very alone and forgotten by God! Hoping I'm not alone! 

Skye x


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## Maisyz

Yes, I've given up on him completely. Every single time I prayed for my baby and every time got let down. The deciding one was when, after doing the church cleaning one day, after praying for my baby I started bleeding in the churchyard, talk about having a right laugh.

No you're not alone, perhaps you'll find your way back to god, I know I won't though.


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## nikki76

Hey lovely

Maybe He's testing us sometimes who knows? Me and dh went through the same feelings as u the first time i had a m/c. We did snap out of it though and although I even had a m/c the day of the resurrection of Jesus (day before Easter) while praying at the church , we didn't give up hope and kept on praying even harder. Exactly the same day a year after, I gave birth to my baby - no coincidence IMO 

If u can find it in u, keep on believing, don't give up hope

x


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## skye11

Thanks Ladies,

In some ways I think you're right Nikki, but I feel I'm failing miserably! It's reassuring to hear you did finally get your baby! 

I don't want to lose my faith in God but waiting so long is killing me. I know babies are a miracle from God and that's why I question why not me? 

Hopefully one day soon, I'll look back on this journey and be thankful for it. 

X


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## skybluesarah

It is so hard. I would often feel angry, especially at the unfairness of it all. I think the breakthrough for me came when I relinquished control and stopped looking for fairness. I too would pray so hard... But it was a begging prayer really, just another thing I was doing to try and up my chances. About two years in I gave it all to God. It took four years in total and five miscarriages before I had my daughter, and another miscarriage before I had my son. I guess the key thing I learned is that faith can be easy when times are good, and almost impossible when things are bad. But if it were easy all the time, it wouldn't really be faith. Does that make sense?


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## nikki76

As skybue said faith is not easy lovey!
It seems that u still have it otherwise you wouldn't start this thread!

Try to remember though that faith is not only about u but also for the people around u! Stay away from situations ( e.g babies) that upset u but don't have bad feelings and thoughts for people who have what u want - it might feel good at the time but it won't get u anywhere
Just concentrate on what you want, pray a hard as u can and maybe even do a promise of something u ll do for Him once he gives u what u want (I did that)

All the best my love xxx


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## Wraakgodin

Hi Skye!

Yes, I can totally relate to how you are feeling.

I did have a battle with the unjustness of it all and whether we were being punished for something we have done in the past (my forum name means goddess of retribution, which I chose as it seemed apt at the time), I had no idea what! Or perhaps we weren't conceiving because God thought we would be rubbish parents. Then there are stories that you read in the paper of people abusing, neglecting or even killing their children and I was trying to make sense why he "blessed" them with children and not me. So I did lose my faith, and although I still believe, I still haven't got my relationship with Him back on track. Now I have my daughter I wonder if this was the plan for me all along, whether I had to go through all this so I could meet all the wonderful friends and members I have met on FF.

I totally agree with this



skybluesarah said:


> faith can be easy when times are good, and almost impossible when things are bad. But if it were easy all the time, it wouldn't really be faith.


Now I have my daughter I feel that I cant go back because it would be going back now that things are good, and I probably wouldn't feel like that if I didn't have Isabella.

Sue


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## goldbunny

"I ask what kind of Christian does that make me?" skye i think doubts and fears are normal. i think without asking these questions faith loses its meaning. 


"I think the breakthrough for me came when I relinquished control and stopped looking for fairness" - skyblue sarah, that's perfect. "But if it were easy all the time, it wouldn't really be faith." makes absolute sense to me! 

i think you either have to believe that god is in control or isn't. i don't think he takes days off. i don't think he picks and chooses who to help or not, like someone standing in a sandwich shop. sarah's right with the 'relinquish control' thing, i think if you're going to believe god has some absolute power then you also have to believe he has a purpose. even when it seems to make no sense at the time, faith is how we accept 'not knowing' - if we knew things for certain it would be science, not faith.


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## goldbunny

sue "Now I have my daughter I feel that I cant go back". yeah you can. x


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## Flow13

I get angry towards God all the time, and am constantly questioning things.  Why us? What have I done wrong?
It is so hard to be positive, and believe God has a plan for us all, when nothing how we want. xxx


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## skye11

Thanks everyone.

I feel a bit better today although found myself getting upset when I was talking to friends at work this morning about it all! 

I do agree with skyblue sarah about relinquishing control over to God. I also know it's easier said than done though. I have done it with different things in my life before so I guess trying to stay strong and at some point, hopefully will find myself able to do so again! Accepting things is always the toughest thing to do! 

Nikki, reading your comment brought tears to my eyes when you said that by posting this, it shows I do still have faith! I know you're right. I guess I just get really upset when I feel angry towards God. I don't want to feel that way about God but I guess I'm just taking it all out on him. There's nobody to blame. 

One thing I do know is that God can forgive! He can forgive me for being angry and Sue he'll take you back with open arms. 

Perhaps you're right Sue that part of God's plan was for us to meet up on FF. It certainly has helped me! Thanks again everyone! It is very reassuring that I am not the only Christian who has felt this way about God at times! 

Xx

Xxx


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## skybluesarah

You can always go back! Whether it is with a thankful heart for blessings received, or a terribly sad heart in grief.


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## raphael

I would like to introduce Our Lady of Guadalupe. Protectress of the Unborn. xx


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## Fidub

Hi girls
What an interesting thread! I have been all over the place with my beliefs. I never openly admitted I was angry with god and i'm still not sure but after both of my ectopic pregnancies my churchgoing waned a bit, thats for sure. But I cant put my finger on what that was about as I dont blame God for my dodgy tubes. I have a friend with severe colitis and another who is deaf so to me it was just another misfortune that some people have.
The challenge for me, particularly as a catholic was embarking on IVF as its against my religion. But so are other things i have done in my life - having a coil for instance. I want to believe that God created someone clever enough to bless us with the miracle of fertility treatment and i see it as a 'lifeline' that god offered me to be able to have children. Maybe i tell myself this to feel better but either way i'm now comfortable with it. Sorry i'm rambling now!
I believe that You can get angry when you need to and go through these phases of faith coming and going because you will always be welcomed back with open arms and we are all human after all. My church had never seen so much of me in the run up to my last round of ivf, I went in for 9 consecutive days to say a novena to st gerard, and i thank god and St Gerard that it worked, i feel very very blessed.
Fidub
xxx


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## Wraakgodin

Hi Fidub! 

It is interesting that you say you are Catholic, I agree with you, God put these wonderful doctors on this planet, and gave the scientists the intelligence and skill to discover new treatments and methods, not only for fertility treatment, but cancer and other illnesses too.  To be honest, I don't look at treatment as different from any of these other treatments.  Would they say not to treat a cancer patient because it is against God's will?  

The more suitable school round here is a Catholic school, but I am having second thoughts, not because I am CofE, but because of their views on IVF and suchlike.  I want to be open with her eventually about her conception, and I don't want her to be taught any negative stuff about treatment at school.  I know they probably wont go into such things with children under 11, but it worries me that I am letting her be educated by people who have those views. What I do find strange is the Muslim children next door and over the road go to the Catholic school!!   

As far as going back is concerned, there is no CofE here, so I would have to choose a different religion, I assume Protestant would be the natural choice, but I don't like the idea of changing, if you see what I mean.  I did go to stepdaughters church when she was baptised, but they were a bit too modern for me!!  

Sue


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