# Negative cycle and exhaustion



## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Hi everyone

I just wondered if anyone has found that they really can't pick themselves up from a negative cycle and get on with work and all those day to day things that we need to do. 

I had a BFN a month ago, had one week off work, back to work on short days for a week (very understanding employers) and then two weeks back before , having gone to the doctor yesterday, felt I had no choice but to sign myself off with tiredness/stress. The doctor has said that she will give me a sick note if I am not ready to go back next week. 

I have just been absolutely exhausted through the working day, even if I begin to feel more positive about the future (maybe another try, maybe other options, maybe there are other things in life), I feel like I am being pulled back by this overwhelming tiredness. 

I don't know if it is because this was to be my last go, although now we are questioning this. Perhaps that's why I haven't been able to keep going.

Would love to hear from others who have had a similar experience. Did you get some energy back? 

 to everyone

Heather


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## Danuna (Apr 27, 2005)

So very sorry that you're going through a really bad time.  With all the junk that IVF pumps into your system, it's no wonder your body is demanding that you rest.  Tiredness and feelings of depression are a survival mechanism, they force us to focus on our own needs.  I've been depressed before and I've found that for me the only way out of it is to accept what my body is telling me and to look after myself, rather than always putting other people's needs first.

If work does not help you, I would suggest that you take up your doctor's offer and get signed off for at least two weeks.  You need to create some space for yourself where you can do the things that you want to do in the time that you want to do them in.

You've probably heard this before, but it does benefit you if you can get to bed at a reasonable time and get up later than you normally would.  Have a warm bath, rather than a cold shower to ease yourself into the day.  I find that keeping a journal  helped me to acknowledge what I was thinking and feeling, just make sure that no one else ever gets to read it!  If you have a garden, try to spend some time there, if not, try to find somewhere where you can get some sunlight and be closer to nature.  That sounds really New Age, I know, but trust me, it does help.

They say that time is a healer, I disagree, I believe you have to make the time to give yourself a chance to heal.  If you feel that what I've said is a load of   feel free to flame me and tell me so.  Sometimes you have to have a good shout at someone to feel better!

Sending you a  my thoughts are with you

Danuna


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Thanks Danuna

I think what you are saying makes total sense,and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. What you have suggested is what I am trying to do for myself, its the kind of things that if I am at work I have no time to do, so I think you are right about having to make the time. But even if I decided to ignore that and go to work, I have ran out of the energy to get through the day. So I think my body is saying "enough is enough - stop". It's kind of come to a point where there is no choice. 

Don't know where you are with the whole fertility thing but wherever you are best wishes with it.

Heather


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

starry sky i have just had my 2nd bfn - after each treatemnt i have felt wiped out - i agree with the advice to get enough sleep and sunshine, take things easy and focus upon yourself. you may also need a boost - try a multib-vit, magnesium, and zinc - i swear by coQ10 for energy - and i aslo take flaxseed oil, wheatgrass, spirulina and alfalfa.
Maybe you could try reiki or refloxology to help you to relax and recharge - i had acu after my first bfn and it really helped me. Other options are aromatherapy - try rosemary and citrus oils to boost your energy and lavender, ylang ylang, rose, neroli, and chamomile to help you relax. Another good option is bach flower remedies - i think Olive is for exhaustion (not sure tho)
don't go back to work - you'll only end up ill - your body is telling you to rest 
I don't know if these things work but i no they have helped me along the way
hope you feel better soon
CaseyXx


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Thanks Casey

It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one wiped out by a cycle. I have just started to take a pre-pgncy multi-vit in case I do decide to have another shot, don't think it has Q10 so I will have a look for that when I next shop.

Just went for a walk - not far - but enjoyed the sunshine . It amazes me how little distance I can go before feeling tired. 

I did have a nice aromatherapy experience this morning - Neals Yard do plain conditioner that you can add oils to.  

I'll have a look at Bach Flower remedies.

And I think the other answer is rest. I am trying to put work out of my mind but worried that I will have a problem if I have another IVF, that somehow they will make it difficult for me. 

Thanks for your advice. Sorry about your second BFN, will you try again? 

Heather


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Hi heather - just to answer your question - i don't know - my fsh is 10 and i don't respond well. if i do it will be donor egg abroad - but i want to get myself back in good condition first. By the way - have you ahd any blood tests done for iron count or thyroid - might be an idea to ask your gp just in case 
take care - acseyx


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## lollita (Mar 9, 2005)

I had to reply to your message as it rang so many bells with my own experience of the rollercoaster ride that infertility causes.  Work friends, family etc have no idea of how you feel inside, my mother is lovely but can say some silly insensitive things, like a few days after my 1st ivf cycle failed ( May 2005 ) we were sitting having a coffee and i was in a state of sheer despair and anxiety ( my life was over ) she said " you know, you dont know what they have really done with Pauls sperm in they places. The problem was my blocked tubes and i still produce eggs, so again it reminded me that he could have a baby with someone else and it was me who had the problem.

I did not feel close to my partner after my failed try as it was pointless loving him when i could not give him a child and i felt like a BFFailure all over again. at the start of the cycle we were so close and i was sure it was going to work.

The cycle was so emotionally charged that when it all went wrong i could not pick myself up.  I had a terrible time from my employer and superiors for being off and was given the cold shoulder during my 2 week wait, when i confronted my boss she said that she would not support me going through ivf again as they were a small company and could not get a replacement when i was not there, i told her i would be looking for another job and she said "well if thats how you feel." later that week i also started bleeding and a few days later i  went to the doctor as i could not cope with anything and just wanted to be in bed all the time, he signed me off as i burst into tears and put me on anti-depressants and beta blockers as my heart was racing with anxiety. 

i did not go back to my job as i was so hurt with the way i was treated ,about 4 weeks later i started looking for another job and have recently started, i decided i did not want to try again as at 31 yrs i only produced 2 eggs from 5 follicles on 225 iu of gonal f and was told before EC it could be because i have a poor ovarian reserve, i was shocked. 

Now 2 weeks on i am plucking up the courage to tell my partner that i have changed my mind and want to try again, When you are old you may regret leaving some stones unturned.  Time is a great healer, except your emotions as normal and not that you are crazy. ivf teaches us about patience all right. The desire to have a child is an overwhelming feeling and when it doesn't happen straight away its soul destroying to most of us. i read that Robert Winston said that ivf fails for a lot of people because they give up, around 70% of woman will get pregnant after 4 tries. ivf only has a 20% or thereabouts chance of success, it is luck if it works the first time and not all embryos are capable of implanting, so it is a gamble.
Good luck for the future and mean while hide all your fertility things for 1 week out your site or any reminders in your fridge and get drunk and do things to cheer yourself. ( thats what i did )


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Lollita
I don't know the answer to your question re your ovarian reserve but I would suggest that when you are ready, you should ask your clinic for a review appointment and ask them for their views on how your treatment went and what they might do differently the next time.  I am sorry you have had such a hard time at work - that must have made things even worse.  You aren't long past your BFN and I know it took me ages to get over mine (and I'm still not over it totally).  I went through the same thoughts of how could I be worth anything when I couldn't have a baby but things did get better with time.  You are very right about giving yourself some time to get over all the treatment and stress.  Speak to your clinic when you are ready, and then you will be able to decide what your next steps are.  All the best. Ellie.


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Hi everyone

Thanks for your replies  .

Casey - I know that "don't know" feeling about continuing treatment. Whatever you decide best wishes with it. The GP did look at my eyes and mentioned anaemia so I am having a blood test, I think it is worth testing that out because even when my mood lifts up a bit and I start to feel more positive about the future I still feel pulled back by exhaustion. 

Lolita - mums? They certainly can come up with some unsupportive comments. Shortly after my BFN when I was very much in a place where that was to be the only one, my mum, who knew that was the way I was thinking, told me about a woman who had four and had succeeded with the fifth using acupuncture. It is not very helpful info when you are deciding to stop. I know that it was meant well, she has been very good. 

Friends are a mix too. A friend of mine who has recently become pregnant with twins after ttc 2/3 years (did not go as far as treatment) replied to my news with a throw-away "oh well, it would need to have been a miracle to have worked first time" and then pressurised me into giving her a date for a trip we'd planned saying that due to her pregnancy we couldn't wait too much longer. I pulled out of that trip and we haven't spoken since. Again, I am sure she did not mean to put things across that way, I think she is avoiding me now because she knows how difficult it is. 

I am sorry your work were such a nightmare. I think you did the best thing by just leaving and hopefully finding somewhere more supportive (have you seen the film Jerry McGuire? - I love that bit where he leaves his work!). I know I need to give some thought to a change of job, mines have been very good, but it is the stress of the job itself that has not been good for me for a long time. 

I agree with Ellie that you should explore your last treatment with your clinic,and then decide. Changing your mind is okay, I hope your partner will be understanding. 

Love to all

Heather


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Casey

You were right about olive bach flower remedy for exhaustion. 

I just looked it up and it says "olive for exhaustion following mental or physical effort". That sounds about right so will give that a go. 

Thanks

Heather


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## lollita (Mar 9, 2005)

Hi Ellie & Starrysky

Thanks for your advice, its nice to be able to vent.
Starrysky let me know how you get on with the remedy, i might also try it out.
I have thought today about going to a clairvoyant for a reading, that cheered me up a bit a year ago. She said that she did not see me getting pregnant with ivf treatment and that i would fall pregnant naturally, ha ha slim chance of that.
Have any of you tried this for a bit of an insight?

Hope you both are well and in good spirit.

Babydust to you both


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Lollita

I am getting the bach flower remedy and St. John's wort (for depression) today so will let you know how it goes.

Had a nice night last night with friends with no baby discussions and that has picked up my mood a bit.

Have a nice weekend. 

Heather


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## abiy (May 11, 2005)

Hi girls,this is the first time i will be posting at all.I just got my first -ve from icsi yesterday.I've been crying my eyes out all day yesterday and i couldn't even go to work today.My dh has been so supportive but i feel like my life has come to an end.We've been trying for over 4yrs after which my sil got pg and her baby is now 2.My brother's girlfriend is due at the end of the month.My best friend is due first week in july.It seems that i'm the only one that just can't concieve.Life isn't fair and IF sucks.I just hate myself.
Sorry for bothering you all with my problem.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

abiy

sending you big     you are not bothering us, that is what we are here for, remember you are not alone hun, sadly lots of ladies on here understand exactly how you feel including myself. hopefully you will start to feel more positive in a few days hun

take care and feel free to post as much as you need

pam xx


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## abiy (May 11, 2005)

Pam,thank you so much for your mail.Its nice to know that someone understands.I hope i'll feel better 2morrow.

xx
Abiy.


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## starrysky (Dec 6, 2004)

Abiy

Sorry you are feeling so bad, cry as much as you need to and take as much time off as you need. IVF is a wonderful thing if it works but a nightmare if it doesn't so I completely agree with you, IF sucks. It is a living loss and it is invisible to so many people. And it is so unfair when some people get pregnant without trying. 

Take care of yourself.

Love

Heather


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