# New to the board. Introduction and questions. xx



## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Hi Ladies 
I just wanted to introduce myself to you and to let ask if it is ok to join you?
My Dh is 41 and I am 29. We have had 4 failed ICSI tx and are now moving onto adoption.
Our last tx only failed yesterday and we had a very tough and emotional week as we knew earlier on it hasn't worked.
Today we both work up with the most incrediable feeling of calmness and we knew that this was all happening for a reason.
Over the last few months we have been looking at the posts on this board and at CWW and BMP. Seeing the little faces we now feel that this is what we are ment to do. Adoption is something we have always wanted to do together and spoke about before we were married. We did always think we would have our biological child first, but obviously this wasn't ment to be.
I am sure that I will have times where I will feel the tug of my heart at the act that I have missed out on having a biological child, but I feel that I am almost relieved that the tx side of things is over and we cn now move forward.

A few of questions
When should I phone to enquire about adoption?
Living in Glasgow where should I call (was thinking about families for children?)
Do adopted children call you Mum and Dad, Gran and Grandpa etc?
Roughly how long does process take?

Any other information and advice would be so helpful. Thank you. xxxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Chocolate button,
Sorry to hear that your ICSI has not gone as you hoped.

Sounds as if you and your DH have already had some very postive chats around adoption, adoption was always something that we thought we might do too, it's funny how things work out.

I'll do my best to answer your questions.
1. Most Local Authorities (LA's) or voluntary agencies (VA's) want you to have completed treatment at least 6 months ago before they would take you on to assess you for adoption. This is to ensure that you have had the time to grieve the fact that you are likely to never have a birth child. However, this does not mean that you cannot start to contact agencies and do some research, many agencies will invite you for an information evening and also do a preliminary interview before you will be accepted for home study assessment with a view to becoming an adopter and this can take a while. This is also a good time to read around the subject (there is a good book list at the top of the board) and to explore ways that you can get more childcare experience as this is something that the SW's will be very interested in.

2. I'm afraid that I can't help with the Glasgow side of things but I know we have a number of scots on the board and I'm sure that someone will be able to advice here.

3. Adopted children do call you Mum and Dad (and family members by their appropriate titles Gran, Auntie etc). Our DS who was 4 when we first met him called us Mummy and Daddy from day one. We took him to his old nursery as part of our introductions, DH had him on his shoulders and he was calling out to all his friends "this is my Daddy" I don't know who was proudest DS or DH, in fact it's bringing a tear to my eye now as I sit and type this.

4. As for how long the process takes, it does vary quite alot, but 18months to 2 years is probably a reasonable timeframe, we were 18 months from first enquiry to placement of our two.

Hope this helps and all the best.
Viva
X


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi Chocolate Button, welcome!

I'm in Glasgow and will try my best to answer your questions!

1.  Glasgow is one of the very few Local Authorities that don't expect you to wait 6 months after treatment, but they do expect you to have come to terms as far as possible with infertility.  I phone Families for Children a couple of days after getting our test results.  I would however strongly recommend giving yourself a bit of space before starting the adoption journey, I didn't and found it hard grieving at the same time.

2.  Families for Children are the people to call. The Glasgow City Council website is a useful place to look.  Given your ages, you should be able to apply for 0-2 years olds, or the 3+.  They are different agencies so you would need to decide an age group and apply to that agency.  All the contact details and criteria are on the council site.  

3&4.  Viva has answered as much as I could!  We were 2 years exactly from first phonecall to Cookie moving in, which is fairly normal in Glasgow.

I'd be happy to answer any other questions you have. There are a couple of other Glasgow folk around too. 

All the best

Bx


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Thank you both so much for your replys.

VIVA It brought a tear to my eye when I read your story about your DS and DH. xx

BOGGY Unfortunatly as I live in Rutherglen Famlies For Children won't take us on. They say we would need to contact out LA or another VA. Would you know if the other agencies are the same. I have looked at others such as BBAF (think that may be right)   

I really don't even know where to start?


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Chocolate Button - 

Rutherglen is just on the wrong side of the consortium border - how frustrating!

You would need to contact South Lanarkshire Council, I've had a quick look at their website and there's limited info and contact details on there.  The BAAF website will give you details of VAs - BAAF isn't an agency, more of a information organisation.  There are a couple of VAs in Scotland and there are people on here who have used them so I'm sure they would be able to tell you more.  Sorry I don't know anything about South Lanarkshire - but they would probably be the first people for you to contact. 

Hope you get some info

Bx


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Thanks Boggy I know it is so frustrating  
I contacted families for children anyway just to ask advice and the guy I spoke to said they would like us to wait at least 6 months since last tx. Sometimes I think It depends on who you speak to. He did say I would have to contact LA.

South Lanakshire will call me back. We would just like to get some info to mull over the christmas hols. We are going up north for new year. My gran lives in Arisaig and we have rented a wee cottage besode her with a huge window over looking the harbour and a giant log fire. Thought if we get peace one night we could snuggle up and read over some things. 
Would like to wait until after new year to start anything officially. A new year a new start!

I will have a look on the BAAF website and see if I can get any information. Ireally don't have a clue where to start. Might post a thread and see if anyone else from the glasgow area/rutherglen area can help.

I have a friend who said she heard that since the baby P incident there has been a huge increase in the number of children being taken into care and that the LA are crying out for more adoptive parents. In turn the process may be a little quicker now. Who knows if this info is right. You hear so many rumors. I tend not to listen   ONe step at a time.

I am sure I will be back on with many more questions over the next few years. 
Thanks again. xxx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya

just wanted to say 'welcome' and  

I am in glasgow area also and going thru the same agency as Boggy (hi boggy  )

the whole process can be quite frastrating'ly long but im hoping it will be worth it.   

hope South Lanarkshire call you back soon. Only thing I would say is that I think they tend to wind down on the lead up to xmas. our sw'er said that there are actually more babies than baby adopters at the moment. 

sorry for not being much help but just wanted to say hi.

lots of love and luck camly x x x


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Hi Calmy
Thanks for stopping by to say Hi.
What a really nice bunch of people over here.
I do think they are short of adopters and it is surprising that things take so long, however I suppose they have to check you out properly! Anyway he best things come to those who wait!!
I suppose you are right about things taking a back seat over christmas. We are happy to take Christmas for ourselves and to discuss our plans (how many children, different agencies etc). I hope they get back to me with some information though.
I am not really happy if we have to wait 6 months. Think that is a bit excessive, but we will se how it goes.

I am really disappointed that we can't go through families for children. 

I am looking forward to seeing how your journey progresses and hope to be able to offer you some friendship. Good Luck!


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Chocolate Button said:


> I am not really happy if we have to wait 6 months. Think that is a bit excessive, but we will se how it goes.


Hi

I know how hard this is however you will find that 6months goes really quickly as thats 6months from end of last tx, you do honestly need this time out- you may not think so however i think everyone on this board will say that the 6month break is really for your own sanity (may not feel it now) you need to be 100% sure that you have completed your TTC/TX journey as adoption is draining however very rewarding

We started the process 2 yrs ago (dec 1st 2006 was when we moved 100% to adoption) and we are now proud parents to 2 children who have been home now for 7months ! )

good luck

xx


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## Guest (Nov 29, 2008)

First of all welcome

This is the start of a long and sometimes painful journey, but I've tried to answer your questions as best I can below.



> A few of questions
> When should I phone to enquire about adoption?


The first two contact I would make are your LA and also BAAF or Adoption UK who should be able to send you info.


> Living in Glasgow where should I call (was thinking about families for children?)


We're also in the Strathclyde region and inthis area all under two adoptions go throgh the West of Scotland Baby Adoption service. The age range criteria is that the younger partner must be under 40 and the older one under 45. If you're looking at older children, I'd start with your LA. 


> Do adopted children call you Mum and Dad, Gran and Grandpa etc?


That depends on the child - the older they are the less likely. Ours are older and don't normally but do occasionally. Interestingly they have no problems with calling grandparents, aunts and uncles just that, but really struggle with Mum and Dad. 


> Roughly how long does process take?


How long is a piece of string. 2 years from the start of the assessment to placing is not uncommon (even average)- we did ours in 6 months but the circumstances were very exceptional. Most authorities also want you to have fully accepted your own infertility so want a 12 month gap from the end of fertility treatment before they will assess you.

Hope that helps
Bop


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Hi Chocolate Buttons,

I am in the East of Scotland and we went through a voluntary agency (St Andrews) because our LA was only recruiting parents for children over 5.  here in the east i think there are 3 main agencies - barnardos, SAA and St Andrews and we went with the one that 'felt right'.

We were 20months from application to meeting our daughter but it could have been much longer if we hadn't managed to re-arrange our matching panel date.  Even though we didn't undergo treatment we still needed to wait 6 months at the start of the process (mainly waiting for a space on a prep group) but we used the time to get a lot of the 'required reading' done and it gave us space to get our heads round the idea of having a stranger move in.

Our Daughter called us mummy and daddy straight away ( her foster carers were mama and dada so for her it was different).

Wishing you all the best - and please don't worry about the wait - we are here to keep you company.

magenta xx


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Hi MJ Bop and Magenta  for all your help and advice. There are so many questions that keep going around in my head about the process etc and you have all helped more than you can imagine.

I am touched by how friendly and welcoming you have all been and I already feel that you have made me so welcome.

I look forward to sharing my journey with you all. xx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi choc  

glad you are feeling welcome. this website is fab!! i think i would have gone insane if i hadnt found it. everyone is very friendly and helpful.

lots of love camly x x x


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## Arliparli (Feb 9, 2008)

Hi Ladies

Like Choccy , I have had failed attempts at IVF and lo and behold have decided to adopt.

I have called my LA today and got an information pack sent out to me Choccy , their number is 0800 0731 566.  That is the Motherwell office.  Thats all the knowledge I have at the moment as I am waiting on the pack arriving.  I will let you know how I get on when it arrives.

a big hi to you all x x


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