# adopting when you already have a child?



## sandytoes (Apr 23, 2016)

Hi

Just wondering if anyone has experience of adopting when you already have a child? My daughter is 7 and we have been TTC since she was 3. We've recently been told that my tubes are blocked, and as we can't really afford IVF and don't feel we want any more intervention we are looking at adoption. DD is very much an only child and while she's very sociable she can also be a bit territorial when her friends are in her space. I'm wondering how others' children have coped, both with the adoption process and with a new child coming into their lives?

We're considering fostering to adopt or possibly concurrent planning as I wonder if it might be easier for her to adapt to a baby, rather than to someone nearer her age who wants to take her toys - even if there was the uncertainty of whether the arrangement would be permanent.

Thanks in advance for any answers!

Mary


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## Theretofour (Feb 19, 2013)

We have a donor birth child my hubby can't have children of his own.  We wanted another child because we felt are big boy would be a great big brother.  We asked how he would feel about having a little brother or sister which didn't come from mummy tummy but from a family which could not look after them. He said we could have three.  Sw will be looking for birth child to be happy about it all and will be looking at how you parent her to.

Hugs ask question if you like happy to help x


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## sandytoes (Apr 23, 2016)

We haven't spoken to her about it yet as it's very early days. At what point in the process did you talk to him about it?


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## Loopylou41 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi Sandytoes

We have just adopted a baby who was 7 months when she came to live with us. Our birth daughter is (nearly) 11. 

The application process took 3 years and was very intrusive but worth it. We spoke to our BD when we applied but to be honest you may be better waiting as children have no concept of time and we were constantly asked by her when she would get her sister..☺.

It has gone well due to the age gap and our BD adores our AD. As we do.

Like you we were worried as she has had our complete attention for 10 years but with lots of talking as a family prior to move in date and over the first few months, things went relatively smoothly.. We  were all honest about feelings and worries which I think helped.

Good luck.
X


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

We have a 6 year old birth child and adopted 3 younger - we drip fed the info to our oldest and then next time round to the older two. The process is so slow I found it best not to raise expectation but obviously SW will want to meet birth child so they need to be aware of what is going on.


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## ultrafirebug (Oct 22, 2010)

Our daughter moved in on f2a scheme 10 days after we were approved for f2a and adoption up to the age of 6. She was 4 months when she came to live with us and our son was 8 then.  Her adoption order was granted this week so the whole f2a took 7 months for us.  Any questions please pm me and good luck x


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## sandytoes (Apr 23, 2016)

Thank you all for the encouraging replies.

Ultrafirebug I have pmed you!


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## Theretofour (Feb 19, 2013)

From the word go when we sent the email in to LA. From frist vist from SS It take 5 months for our LB coming home. Very quickly I understand this is not always the case. X


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## ladybird83 (May 18, 2015)

Slightly off topic here but just wondering what sort of questions social workers asked your other children?


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## Theretofour (Feb 19, 2013)

Just general, you know who I am ? What you making (birth son playing with Lego ) nothing like how would you feel etc.  we had said oh BS had said he didn't mind if it was a brother or sister. In home vists.  We were with him he was 4.  He didn't talk a lot but I did say would you like to do SW around the garden and his toys he would be happy to share with new Lo bless him.  I hope that help but they do all do it different x


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## K8O (Dec 21, 2009)

Hi

I have a slightly different perspective because I was the birth child and my parents went through the adoption process for a younger sibling.  I was about 8 when they went through the process so I'm sure things have changed.  But I still remember what it felts like to be the youngest and then another child came in.  She was only 2 years younger than me and I don't think the gap was big enough.  As an adult I can now see she had a very traumatic start to life and I think placing her in a family was the wrong thing for her and us.  Anyway, I digress.  I just wanted to say that it needs to be handled carefully but actually I was ok with the process.  I remember being asked what adoption was, what it meant, how things might change, what would it mean for me and how I was feeling etc. but it was all done at an age appropriate level.  Our placement didn't work out for a number of reasons but my parents then went into foster for a number of years.

If you want to PM me please do.

Kxx


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