# I'm Having Second Thoughts . . .



## donjee (Aug 4, 2011)

Hi everyone,

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend - even those of you who are in their 2ww. 

I have been reading up on here, listening to what you've been saying and now I really not sure that I am happy with the idea of transferring 2 embryos. This is a major shift, last week I didn't really give it a second thought -. would do anything to be pg again. I've actually started to think about the logistics and am worried that this could be both risky and silly. The sensible me has realised that I couldn't go back to work and pay  child care for two - wouldn't be worth going to work for what id be left with! Also I have really started to think about the potential health risks for me and babies . I know that this situation may  not arise. I know that two embryos does not mean two babies necessarily, but there Is that possibility.

Suddenly, sensible me thinks that with 13 in the freezer, I can afford to opt for one at a time even though they have to be thawed in pairs.

Your thoughts? I know that only I can make the decision but would like to hear your thoughts to help me to form my opinions. My husband is tending to agree with me but is open to hearing all viewpoints.

Thank you all so much in advance.
Donjee xxx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Donjee,

It really is a difficult one, so I can understand how you feel. 

Me and my DH always wanted 2 children, so although there are risks, I really wanted twins first time around.  I had 2 embryo's put back and had a singleton pregnancy which is my DS.

With my FET the embryo's were a grade B and C, so I was a lot happier to have 2 put back, because the chances of them both implanting was so slim.  I got pregnant with a singleton but sadly miscarried.

I think what I am trying to say, is that if your embryo's are a lower grade then the chances of twins are quite low, however if you are certain that financially you absolutely could not cope with 2 then I would say to go with one.

I know I have rambled a bit here, it's the 2nd G & T that has done it!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Stacey
X


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## Lisajane73 (Jul 4, 2009)

I agree with Stacey that it really depends on the quality/stage of the embies.  If they are day 2/3 etc then opting for 2 might not be a bad option, but if they are blasts then that's a whole other ball-game.  At my clinic the FET stats are just as high (higher in some age groups) than with fresh.


What about if you defrosted more than 2 and the clinic try to take them to blast and then just transfer the one? Is that an option?


One of the embryologists said to me on our first cycle (i had 4 blasts) that we weren't necessarily increasing our chances of pregnancy that significantly by putting 2 back, but that we were just increasing our chances of a multiple pregnancy.  His words to me were 'you will get pg with one of these, it might just not happen first time'.  We followed his advice and got pg first time with the one.  Since then I have had an unsuccessful and a successful FET (found out today) and I have only ever transferred one as we really didn't want twins.  Of course you do have to consider the costs for multiple FETs too and balance that against how much extra 2 babies would cost.


Sorry for the ramble.  Hope that helps in some way.


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## dollytot (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Donjee,

I'm having the same dilemma, as the clinic have said they would recommend putting three back.  Mine are all blasts - so I think this would be very risky.

I agree with Lisa that if you can take them to blast, this would then be worth putting back 1.  However, at my clinic on a FRESH cycle, they always put 2 embryos back which they say equals the same chance as ONE blast.  They also only have a 20% FET success, so I guess thats why I personally would go for 2.  However, if I could afford to pay for more cycles, then I would probably only transfer the one.  I wish it was free to try to have a family so it didn't make these difficult decisions harder :-(

I am doubtful I'd cope with 3 babies, and would worry about our health, so think am opting for 2 blasts to be put back.  We don't have any other children so it would not be as hard to have twins (I hope...) In your case, if you already have one child, I totally see why you would only want the one.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

Dolly x


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## beachbaby (Jan 31, 2008)

hi, i know it is difficilt and only you can decide, however there are a lot of reasons for putting 2 in. age can be dependant on how greater your chances are. also how good the clinic is at FET, how your body reacts to FET versus fresh.
Regarding childcare and work, it is very difficult due to costs, i went back part time initially, and grandparents have the kids 1 day a week to keep costs down, both myself and DH do 4 day weeks, so the kids only do 2 days nursery. This works well and keps the costs reasonable.
Personally for me i failed at my frst cycle, i did however get pregnant on every FET i did, i did 3, 2 resulted in miscarraiges. i got pregnant with twins at 38 using 2 day old embryo's, i only transferred 2, my problem was making them stick, once that was sorted i had no problems.
regarding Blasts, there is not a lot of evidence that they work better, some clinics mine included believe the embryo's are better put back sooner, also I have heard of lots of people still not get pregnant with blasts, what works for one may not work for another.
good luck with your decision.


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## donjee (Aug 4, 2011)

Hi Dollydot and Beachbaby,

Thankyou both for your thoughts. My first child is now 5 (6 in September) and I am 32, DH 41. Our frosties are day 3, I don't know what their 'grade' is but when I went to see consultant the other day he did comment when looking through my notes that one was 7 cells. Not really sure what that means so haven't really given it much thought. Like you, we are self-funding and actually using a 0% CC to help and paying off a lump each month (still quite a bit left outstanding from the disastrous fresh cycle though!). With regard to looking after any future twins, my parents still both work and my mother-in-law died a few months back. We really would have to pay and I'm not sure my current Headteacher would want a part time teacher, even though that would be ideal. 

My little boy was naturally (and easily) conceived and I had a normal pregnancy and labour - all completely hitch free. It was quite a shock to find myself in this position in the first place but at least my consultant is happy that I should be able to 'carry' a child and that the problem seems to be the bit that comes before. I just cant help thinking that its so likely that 2 day 3 embryos really could result in twins and whilst all my young adult years, I would have loved the idea of twins, now the reality bit has sunk in - I still don't think it is the right thing for me. Also, Beachbaby, your story about the hysterectomy really struck a cord with me. I know what I went through with my fresh cycle wasn't the same but I do think there has been some emotional scarring to go with it all and I can't shake it off. I can't help but worry that something might go wrong!

Incidentally though, my best friend with the triplets gave me her advice last night. She said just to relax and not even worry about it yet. She knows that she has it pretty tough but that if she had her time again, she would still have two embryos put back.  I am 99.9% certain that I will ask my consultant to just use one. On the day though, depending on the advice he gives, I may well change my mind. 

I will of course keep you posted.  I am definitely ovulating today - so hopefully, this month won't be such a long cycle and I can get going with this sooner than I thought.

Donjee x


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## beachbaby (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi donjee,

i did not realise you already had a Ds, that does change decisions i am sure and as you have said you did it all naturally last time. on that note i will sat all the ladies at my twins club who have a singleton then twins found twins extremly hard work, also most of them gave up work due to childcare costs.
I think you are being very sensible and i wish you all the very best both in your decision and the treatment.
Good luck and i hope you get your dream.
regarding my outcome, it is very rare and i had a perfect pregnancy , just my body could not cope afterward.
your friend is so right, relax and enjoy what will be will be.


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## donjee (Aug 4, 2011)

Thanks Beachbaby.

In between working my difficult and incredibly hectic job, I have been thinking a lot about my decision. I still don't know what I will do. I have read a lot about risks and complications, plus all the other things I mentioned before. I think I will tell my consultant to go with just the one unless on the day, they are rubbish quality or something and he strongly advises us to go with two.  I will be disappointed (absolutely no doubt) if I do end up going with one and the FET turns out to be unsuccessful. I know I will dwell on the fact that I chose to go with one and that if I had chosen two it may have worked. Many may think I am silly but after such a long wait and then the awful fresh cycle experience, I know I will struggle with the disappointment - if that is what happens. Thank goodness it is in the summer holidays so I will not be stressing about work too. 

Oh, it is so easy to underestimate what stress/worry all this puts puts us thorough isn't it. People who haven't been through it, really have no idea - I know I never did. I am not a nervous wreck or anything - still doing well at work nd enjoying my current family life. But it is such a pressure. These are real life changing decisions and whatever way it turns out - it will be huge.

Sorry for rambling. I don't do it often. 

Donjee x


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