# don't know how to deal with this......



## sugary (Feb 17, 2006)

Hi 
I really hope you don't mind me posting...I am not a regular poster on this thread but I do read your posts. Like all of us I am trying to accept where I am some days better than others. I stupidly looked in on one of the other threads and hey presto an old cycle buddy of mine is now pregnant I don't want to sound bitter and twisted but I am and sorry but I can't be Mrs generous I am not happy for her I am JEALOUS. V JEALOUS. I have had a horrendous 2 weeks with work which has driven me to drink literally and last night my tactless and stupid sister in law rang me to tell me how my brother is buying her a lovely new car for her birthday and they are buying a new flat for investment and oh yes she thougth she is PREGNANT with her second which she turned out not to be but they are trying and she's sure it won't be long. Do you know what I bet it won't either. I can't begin to tell you of the times where I've been upset that someone may become pregnant (how sad am I - really!!!!) and thought oh maybe they'll be a while trying but they never are....it's always just one or two or three months down the line. Oh were it that easy.
What I cannot cope with is the thought that I am going to have to accommodate this woman and her slowly bloating stomach in my home.....I don't thing I can do it, really. I've just blown up at my mother over it and said that I am not going to play happy families to keep everyone happy. We never told my mother about the text just too much pressure for us and in some ways I am very glad we didn't but I shouldn't really expect her to be a mind reader I know....and as for SIL I can see this causing a real family feud, I was quite surprised when DH felt the same. I don't want him to become as bitter as me as he is so kind and generous but even he is going the same way now. I guess I will have to take the pragmatic route as little contact as possible but it is going to be very very hard as we are a close family. She is just so tactless she knows we want this baby so much, she know we have been having problems but she is just thinking of her feelings. Genuinely I have always tried to think how others may feel before I have opened my mouth on anything as you never ever know what is going on in someones life or just why that are behaving in a certain way...there is often a really good reason.
I guess I am just going to have to brace myself for it there is nothing else I can do.....why the hell is life so bloody complicated. I am sorry for ranting on I know may of you have faced much worse and been through terrible times. Any advice really welcome as to how to deal with this one without alienating my family who I do love despite how I must sound. I am not a horrible person honestly but I am struggling to deal with this one.
Sugary
xxxx

Clomid 6 months
Tamoxifen 3 months
Lap and cysterectomy
sever endo/endometrioma removed -one tube damaged
ist icsi poor response BFN
2nd ICSI poor response BFN
Fed up and out of cash!!


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

it's good you've got a place like this to talk about your feelings. they do you no good being locked away inside.

i'm so sorry you're suffering so much.

my best friend fell pregnant at the exact same time i did with my third ectopic. it was so hard to deal with it - especially as deep down i kind of wished it would fail for her somehow. how terrible is that? and a terrible thing to admit, i know. but i felt that it always goes wrong for me. always me! and i couldn't bear to see it go so well for my best friend at the exact same time i was losing my last tube and my last chance. and she acted as a cruel mirror - like this is what you could have had - for as long as she was healthy and pregnant.

it's hard to know you've wished for something so dark for someone you love but it's even harder to pretend to be happy for them.

i hated HATED the fact that she loathed being pregnant. f*cking hell, i'd think. stop your moaning. i'd give anything to have what you have.

now, as i go through my second treatment i don't even discuss it with her as she wasn't there for me during my first treatment before or after it failed. i think she just doesn't know what to say to me and besides, she's too busy with her three and a half year old daughter.

and i'll be honest, i do still feel like, oh yeh, don't mind me. there's you just getting on with being a mum, _choosing_ not have any more children, and here's me quietly slogging away, pumped full of self-administered hormones, my legs up in stirrups with half of shropshire's medical profession peering up my mfanwy while my husband sweats in an nhs cupboard as he tries in vain to fill a small yellow-lidded pot with the gift of life!

so i hear you, sugary! i hear you!

rosiebadgirl

xx


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## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

Oh Sugary chuck, I'm sorry you are going though the wringer. As Rosie says thank God you can let it all out here. It is hard to admit what you really think and feel at times, especially to people who have never been through it and just don't get it!
I would put money on it that we have all felt these emotions, jealousy and bitterness & guilt at one time or another, and we are all reasonale normal people.You are not horrible hun, you are just human. 
Wish I had good advice for how to handle SIL, but it is a tough one. She sounds very thoughtless especially as she knows what you have been going though.  Could you talk to her about how you honestly feel,? She may or may not understand but either way you may feel better to get it off your chest. 
I know it is hard hun, but maybe you will find that once she is actually PG it may not be so bad. With me it was always the knowing it would happen, and finding out that was the hardest hurdle to get over. 

Sorry but I don't have any answers really, just wanted you to know that like Rosie I also hear you!

Jane x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi, 

I'm a bit late to this discussion but I just wanted to add a little something...

We live in a world that worships, elevates and generally idolises the traditional family unit. Those of us who don't conform are excluded somehow from society's praise. This puts horrible pressure on us to justify our position, and I think drives many of us on to keep on trying when for our sanity's sake it would be better if we stopped. we spend our time trying not to make others feel uncomfortable about our childlessness, but we do so at great cost to ourselves. 

Sugary, you need to feel what you feel, and not judge yourself for it hunny! My own belief is that if we allow the feelings we have an outlet (ranting in the greenhouse, smashing up garden gnomes, screaming from the top of a hill.....) then we more quickly reach a place of contentment and acceptance; acceptance that the world is random and cruel.... and occassionally still beautiful. I don't mean to sound blase, I just know that I've been through every colour and shade of emotion in the last few months, and if there's one thing I've proved to myself it's that everything changes, and that means [email protected] times must get better....

Your in my thoughts...

love, 

mm xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

PS Rosie, you have given me the best laugh of the day and I suddenly see a whole new way to use tickers!!!!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Maggie Mae said:


> PS Rosie, you have given me the best laugh of the day and I suddenly see a whole new way to use tickers!!!!


Oh Rosie! LMAO!


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)




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