# why does life always hurt



## babybiggles (May 1, 2006)

hello i hope i dont offend anyone on this board but i just wanted to ask why if god exists and i have two theories on this has he made my life a living hell for 4 years , i have a terrible view of god had bad experiences with religion and church years and years ago not from a religeous family but got involved with the church wen i went to university but i didnt agree with a religion that threatened you into believing for fear of judgement, so now i am not sure what i believe i almost feel like i am at the point  where i feel i am a true athiest now but i just wanna know if he does exist why did he allow my baby too die and then to heap it on take away any fertility i ever had so its a double wammy of suffering is it cause i refused to believe in him and this is my punishment


sorry i dont mean to sound horrible or disrespectful but I just need to know


lisaxx


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## Em26 (Jan 6, 2007)

Oh Lisa :-(  

Just wanted to send lots of hugs your way and say a BIG thank you for being so honest. I probably could try to answer some of your questions, but to be honest, am in a pretty bad way myself right now, and just feel very conscious that it's way to easy to give glib answers that I probably don't really believe anyway! Having said that, I DO believe in God, and personally, right now, I'd rather go through this with him than without him. I also believe that he can and does take and listen to all my ranting and telling him that, frankly, this is crap, and if he is who he says he is, then why the heck doesn't he do something?! Doesn't mean I have many answers, but I do have a true strong faith in a God that I still believe cares deeply. Probably all sounds very contradictory and confusing huh?! 

Anyway, guess you caught me on a funny night anyway, just come home from a prayer night at church where I sobbed on the floor for an hour, then on my Vicar, then came home to go on ******** and find out yet another friend's pregant  

But the main thing I wanted to say was...well, just,   and I'm so so so so so sorry that life sucks. And thanks for being honest. Don't think you're in anyway horrible or disrespectful at all. Just hurting :-(

P.S. I don't believe in religion that makes you believe cos otherwise you'll burn in hell, either, also 100% absoloutly don't believe that any of what's happened to you is punishment. Actually have written some of my thoughts about this stuff in the thread 'what if it's not God's will' (tho that was more in answer to someone who has faith so some of it might not be where you're at right now). Maybe will have more of a conversation on this and stuff when I'm less of a wreck.

Emily


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## Em26 (Jan 6, 2007)

p.s I'm in Cambs too! PM me if you feel like it.


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## Dibley (Mar 26, 2006)

Hi Lisa, 

So sorry you are hurting so much - big hugs 

I'm so sorry that you have had bad experiences of 'Church & Religion' - that just makes me want to   because that's not the way the God, I love & serve intended it to be. However, the church/religion is made up of people - each with their own interpretations of how things should/should not be - and quite simply being human they get things wrong. 
However, one thing I hold onto is that God is bigger & better than any religion or church - He is God and thankfully doesn't have our human frailties. 
Why he allows certain things to happen is a mystery...indeed, the Bible is full of people who cry out to God in anguish & anger. How/why/when he answers prayers is up to Him - it's all in his timing, not ours. But I do believe his timing is perfect - though being an impatient person this does frustrate me too 

I'm so sorry your baby died hun - that must have been so devastating 
Your signature says that your little one had heart problems - he must have been a little fighter to have survived as long as he did  In a perfect world, there would be no illness - but unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world - life with all it's imperfections is part & parcel of being human. And none of us know how many days/hours are alloted to us - I don't know why my babies died in the womb, why your little one lived for two precious hours or why some people live to be over 100yrs. It's just life I guess  
Yes, it's unfair but through my own particular hardships I've always found that God has led me to people who can understand & help me through the sadness. And in turn I can in my vulnerability, help others too - I truly believe God led me to Fertility Friends, where i realised I wasn't alone on this crazy journey and that has helped me tremendously  I think what I'm trying to say is, even with a strong or little faith, it doesn't mean that life will be hunky dory and that no suffering or hardship will come our way - but in having my faith, in knowing that God loves me and promises to walk through the hardships with me, means I have the assurance that I am never alone. And I know that whatever happens, it will all turn out OK in the end.
Of course, in the end I   I will have a child - but whether that will happen or not is up to Him. And as hard as it is, I have to trust him 

Please don't think God has punished you - the God I worship is a God of love - someone who loved me & you so much, He was willing to die on the cross, and that was no picnic! Belief in God is not about him waving a magic wand - it's about faith - and trust in Him even when things don't go our way - and when they do, remembering to give him thanks & praise. Or in other words, sticking with Him through thick or thin - even when I'm having my sulks and screaming 'WHY?'  

Em -   so sorry you  -   that God holds you close at this time 

Take care, love Dibs x


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## Wicklow (May 13, 2006)

Lisa, Firstly I am so sorry to hear your post and hear about your beautiful son.
Dibleys words are so true. I think all of us weather we have a faith or not will question God at one time or another especially with regards infertility. I have people that have been christians that have had issues with churches and other chriatian families but we are not all like that. I have spoken to a friend who has had infertility problems and has found the whole going to church so hard due to other christians being insensitive as well as feeling so very angry with God. To be honest I just dont feel people understand infertility unless they are having to deal with it themselves and people can sympathise but just DONT KNOW HOW IT REALLY FEELS. 

To be honest I get angry with God sometimes and i have been blessed with 2 beautiful boys but it doesnt take our infertility away - and never will it is part of me now and i plan to use it to help others (which i am doing at the moment). If through what ive been through can help just 1 person then maybe its all worth it.

If you ever want to meet up and sound it out, im no expert but i am a good listener. Idont live too far from cambridge so maybe we could meet in Bury - midway!? Pm me if you like hun.

Take care and remember to shout and scream because it is healthy for you! in my opinion anyway!
Ruth


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## babybiggles (May 1, 2006)

thank you lovely ladies for all your honest answers and replies to my mail, I truely wish i could have some faith in a god or something  it would be better then feeling this nothing , i suppose years ago when i was so desperately trying to believe in god all i ever tuned into was i was gonna go to hell if i wasnt saved i used to go to a evangelical church, etc it made me resent the whole christianinty thing actually it made me quite ill to the point where for the sake of my health i had to let it go i think i so desperately wanted to believe it all but i couldnt  it was in my head but not in my heart as it were.now days my view of god is a terrible one its not a nice image and i questioned all the teachings i was taught and i think i hate anything to do with it now . some of my friends are religeous but i struggle with their faith now cause i am just so angry with life , i just wish my baby was here, i know how lucky i was to have had my connall but it now feels 4 years later like it never even happened. i just wish i wasnt surrounded by babies and pregnant women all day in my job, i wish i could jettison all the rage and hate i feel sometimes to all the happy people who in my bitter eyes have never had to go through all this( its totally unreasonable i know) i  also just wish one person in my and my hubbys family would even achknowledge we were parents and care enough to ask us how we feel about it all, i just wish my job after everything i have been through would give me a break  going through ivf, there isnt any suppoert or care or anything its a case of make your appointments on your day off  or maybe we cant accomadate you cheers r i just wish i could get rid of al these demons all the anger and hurt and rage at how painful life can be most of the time. and yet i know out there in this world there are people dying from povety and hunger which pales my problems into insignificance. sorry for the moan thanks lovelies for being so nice and understanding


love lisa


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