# A little place to chat



## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi girls,

I thought I would set up this thread for you all - just so you all have a central point to post about anything and everything.

Im glad the board is being found useful and thank you to each and everyone of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and taking the time to talk to each other.  It is as you know a new board and will be a little quiet to begin with but as you can see - it does have the benefit of bringing you all together to share your worries  

So please use this as a general chat thread - it can be a place for you just to share how your feeling if you dont feel up to creating your own thread - it can be a place just to catch up with each other and see what you have planned for the weekend etc

If anyone does have any ideas on ways we can improve the board then please do get in touch with me because if we can do anything to make it better then I will try my best  


Love

Debs xxx


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

So - just to kick the thread off - what are you all up to the weekend? and more importantly - how you all doing today?

Love

Debs xxx


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## Elderflower (Jul 17, 2010)

Hi Debs

Thanks so much for setting up the board. I think there are a lot of people out there who are in this place right now.

So I had an ok weekend, although feeling a little emotional mostly due to pmt (my AF is due any day now). I don't know who mentioned this on another thread but I thought it was very true when they said that the worst thing about this situation is not having a plan. This is the first time in the last 2 years that I haven't had either a fertility appointment to plan for or an IVF cycle so it's very hard just to be drifting with no focus. 
So I've decided I need things other than TTC to focus on and number 1 on my list has to be my fitness. I've decided I am going to get fitter before my 40th birthday (which is looming), that way if I do find some way of becoming a mum I will hopefully have the energy to look after a little one. I already go walking a lot so I'm not a complete couch potato but I find I am all aches and pains so I got an old yoga dvd out and am going to give that a try over the next few months...
Anyone else got any ideas for things they want to focus on instead of ttc?
In the meantime, on the TTC front, I have ordered myself a book on donor conception which should arrive this week, so I look forward to reading that to give me more insight into what it involves.
Sending everyone lots of hugs and hope you all have a good week xx


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi elderflower,

I know exactly what you mean about not having a plan - that was one of the things that got to me - after so many years of planning this and that - it was just weird having no idea where I was aiming for next  

Reading up on donor information sounds good - its great really that these days we have so much information available to us    Mind you the web is a wonderful thing but sometimes you can really get bogged down with all the information available  

I know infertility impacts hugely on our lives - but its good to have other things to keep you busy such as keeping fit.  I found booking little holidays helped me alot   always finding a bargain because of saving money for tx - and I didnt do too badly  

Weekends over now though so back to work tomorrow  

Keep your chin up hun.

Love

Debs xxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

So grateful for this thread, we are facing 3rd and final tx, so many mixed emotions, really not coping too well at the mo, all the what ifs.xx


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## Beanie3 (Nov 1, 2009)

Hello Debs

Thank you for setting this thread up, still coming to terms with the fact it maybe the end of the road but still not quite given up just yet, but feeling a little alone and not sure where I belong. Still deciding due we call it a day or move on to adoption.

Hugs    

Beanie x


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## Elderflower (Jul 17, 2010)

Hi girls, how is everyone doing? This is such a difficult place to be in it's so hard to know what to say sometimes but just wanted to send everyone some hugs    

Also AF just arrived   It was a day late and I stupidly got my hopes up for a little bit now I'm mad at myself for being so stupid.  >: It was my first month TTC again in ages so had forgotten how bad the emotional side of that all is. Plus it's lovely weather, everyone's in their summer clothes and all I see are bumps everywhere   (It doesn't help that I work next to a maternity hospital!)

Sorry for the moan. Thinking of you all xx


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## shortbutsosweet (Feb 14, 2011)

Hi ladies,
Have had very emotional periods for past few months, even though I know concieving naturally isn't a possibility it reminds me of the infertility.
We are planning on Ivf/icsi but its on hold as were trying to raise the money to pay for it. If we can't raise the cash then that's it.
I'm trying to prepare myself for that just in case. If I have the treatment I'm scared of the hormones. I'm just scared


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

shortbutsweet, can you not get a funded attempt at icsi??.xx


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## Katht (Dec 12, 2009)

Hi Guys I have had a bit of a low day today I suppose I should expect them.  Lost the motivation at work so hard to keep going.  One of my colleagues asked for time off today to attend his Wife's 12 week scan their baby is due a few days before I was due so very difficult.  Why did I have to lose our baby?  Not that I would wish this to happen to anyone but it is so unfair!!  On countdown now to seeing Dr George at Nott for our review next Thurs hoping it will offer some hope then need to find the strenght to decide what to do next! Take care Kath x


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## shortbutsosweet (Feb 14, 2011)

Angela,
I'm 40 and my pct is not funding ivf for anyone even if I fit into the criteria


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## Beanie3 (Nov 1, 2009)

Hello Girls

Elderflower - Please don't appologise for the moan, we all understand how you are feeling, I recall got my hopes up on my last cycle. 
Shortbutsosweet - So bloody unfair this whole not funding, we are here if you just want to chat

Katht - Just wanted to send you a massive hug   , Hope the Dr can give you somthing postive 

Sending everyone a massive Hug        xxx


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

shortbutsweet- yes believ cut off is 40, egg share?? , much cheaper, i would go for this option but i only have mentioned to preduce 5 eggs so far, believe you need 10.x


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## shortbutsosweet (Feb 14, 2011)

Hi
I think I'm too old for egg share as well


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## weeble (Dec 5, 2005)

Hi Ladies & Debs 


Mind if I join you?!


shortbutsweet, I think the cut off age is 35 for egg share. Have you considered tx abroad? Its an awful lot cheaper than the UK.


How you keeping Debby webby?


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Sorry girls - ive been away for a few days and could read on phone but not write 

I know things are pretty hard atm but stay strong everyone - its not easy but we can all help each other along this road 

Im hoping to do some more information posts about various topics eg adoption/egg share etc but times against me a little atm but will get them done at some point/

Hopegfully they will help some of you think about a differnet angle to look at 

Weebs - sorry i not been about much on ** - i deleted myself for a few weeks so no idea what you been up to (_and dread to think_ ) but am back now and
will catch up  However please explain yourself missy:



> Hi Ladies & Debs


I am a lady dont you know!!!  

Stay strong girls.

Sending love n hugs to you all.

Debs xxx


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## mandimoo (Feb 28, 2011)

shortbutsosweet - I totally feel your pain.  I will be 40 in September, but a few short weeks away.  My PCT had promised me 1xIVF and 3xIUI.  I had the IVF, but
that resulted in miscarriage.  Sadly, not only does it look like I wont recover from the miscarriage to have more treatment before the age of 40 (cut off age), but
the consultant told me the clinic ran out of money anyway.  Even if I was fully recovered from the miscarriage they would not have been able to honour what
they promised me.  I feel so sick, angry, sad and frustrated.  Jeez, I didn't know it was possible to feel so many things all at once!


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi, Mandimoo (love the name, by the way!) 
I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That must feel pretty awful.
As far as tx goes, it does seem as if your clinic has treated you badly. What do they mean they've run out of money?! I don't believe that, the amounts they charge I should think they've plenty of money. Can't you complain to your PCT?
Yes, it's possible to feel quite a few grim emotions all at the same time. It's amazing how many you can feel, in fact and none of them are very pleasant. I am currently fuming and miserable because my damn period's trying to start (why, oh why won't the cycle just STOP!) and I've just seen an ad on TV for mobile phones which shows a bloke staring lovingly at his little girls' photos and a video sequence of them running through a sprinkler! Grrrr!   
What happened to images of happy twenty somethings out on the town at the weekends or evenings? I could handle those!
Honestly, it's ridiculous, you can't escape this even in your own living room! I'm aware of most of the baby milk type ads and turn away from those but I didn't expect to have to flinch away from an ad for mobiles!
Nobody understands, not one person, except on here. My dh doesn't understand and has admitted he doesn't know what to say. We are thinking of trying donor egg tx but my wretched body has so many things wrong with it that it will probably reject anything put into it. The only alternative is surrogacy and I don't know about that. 
Let's just say I know how you feel.   

Rowanxxx


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## shortbutsosweet (Feb 14, 2011)

Hi
Mandimoo what a horrendous time your having I'm so sorry.
Webbie thanks for your post I have contacted several czech clinics and am innvestigating. Will keep youi updated.
Finally seem to have found my board on ff!


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Hi all

Thought I would join in, in this inbetween 'not quite sure what I am doing next' chat.

I feel a bit lost at the moment, I actually want to scream, I am sooo frustrated. My 5th IVF failed on Friday... Which was like a punch in the stomach. 
Now I dont know what to do?? I am 27 with a low (ish) AMH, I have been pregnant but MC twice. I have elevated NK cells, which this cycle I took steroids for along with clexane. But it still didnt work with our beautiful 2 grade 1, 8 cell embies. What else can we do.... grrrrrr!!!! 

Anyway I have a follow up at the end of the month at the Lister, I am also going to see another consultant tomorrow about having a lap and dye again for my endo to see if anything is going on in there that shouldnt. 
Our plans are still not set in stone, I have a feeling that we are going to be told to use donor eggs next. DH is happy to do it straight away.  I am not too sure at the moment. 

I am at Uni and go back in September and I cant have time off. So its going to be a while I think..... I do have time off in April next year, so maybe one last ditch attempt with my eggs?? 

But I do think that the donor cycle will have to wait for my to finish Uni, and as its donor egg it wont matter about my eggs or AMH. 

So its good to beable to chat to people in sort of the same boat as me. We will be trying naturally as ever, so we will see what happens there. 

Natalie xxx


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## Maiamaiamaia (Mar 28, 2010)

Hi Ladies,


Sorries all round for everyone stuck in this limbo. Skybreeze - sorry to read about your BFN, Mandimoo, so sad to read about your mc. 


Elderflower - Everytime AF is not a week early I start to get my stupid hopes up even though it is impossible so I completely understand that one. I know what you mean about bumps being everywhere just now too. I work in the city centre and every one seems to be nursing a bump just now.


Skybreeze - how did you find out about elevated NK cells? Is there a test the doc can do? ( Although I think I am out of currency at my docs  )


I had unsuccessful DEIVF in May. I feel like how could it not have worked, 2 perfect 5 day blasts, my lining was fine so how could nothing at all have happened? Perhaps there is something up with me and its just not going to happen for me and I should just give up. I just don't know what to do just now. The money is a big factor and I feel so guilty at the amount I have already spent. DP is disabled and doesn't work so we could do without my blowing every penny on some impossible dream, but I just so desperately want another child to feel complete. Ohh what to do?


Anyway, thoughts with you all,
maia


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi girls,

Very quiet in here - just wondered how you were all doing xxx


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## shortbutsosweet (Feb 14, 2011)

Hey Debs
I'm good just raisinng money for overseas ivf treatment and enjoying doing normal rhings with family, friennds and partner.


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Maiamaiamaia said:


> Hi Ladies,
> 
> Skybreeze - how did you find out about elevated NK cells? Is there a test the doc can do? ( Although I think I am out of currency at my docs  )
> 
> maia


Hey Maia

I had a blood test done at a private hospital. GP's wont do the test as its not proven. Many fertility clinics do them.... They cost about £600 for the full NK cells, I paid alot less as it wasnt the full panel (£125) but I am not sure where else do then at that price. 
I am sorry for your DE cycle hun.... Its so hard, I wish I had a answer for you but I can honestly say I know where your coming from. Money is a huge factor for us as well. 
All we need is a lotto win! 

Shortbutsosweet, Where are you thinking of going hun? I am always reading the serum part of FF and seriously considering it for the future. Hope the saving is going well.

God, Isnt it sad that it comes down to money?? That money is the only thing stopping us from trying for a baby... Annoying. 
I have a follow up on the 30th to discuss this cycle, not that its going to help... They never do! I also have my lap next month, I am just hoping that its over with before I go back to Uni.

Hey Debs  Hope your ok.

N xxxxxx


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## Sharez (Nov 13, 2007)

Hello everyone,

I really dont know what to do next.  My OH and I have been ttc for over 5 years.  We have had 3 IUI, 1 ICSI and 1 FET on the NHS.  It is now time for us to start spending money, which we do not have.  I spoke with my consultant who has gladly referred us to a clinic in Nottingham.  I insisted on this so we could have immune testing done before our next treatment.  As the days go on I am unsure about getting this done or going on with treatment at all.  If we were to continue we would have to ask for money from family as there woudl be no way that we could pay for any of it and I feel really uncomfortable asking people for moeny especially when there may never be an outcome.  I am also very tired of having my hopes raised to have them smashed to floor every single month.  I feel like out lives have been on hold for 5 years and I woudl like to move on, but there is a part of me that still believes that we could have a baby.  Our FET was in May and we have been trying naturally since.  I feel like if I give up then I am giving up on future children.  I also think that my desire for children must not have been that strong if I am willing to give up.  If I had all the money in the world then I would not have these thoughs in my head as I would spend as money as it needed for me to get pregnant.


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## prommer (Jul 22, 2011)

Dearest Sharez,
Sending you enormous hugs    I just wanted to tell you that your post could have been written by me    I have been on a TTC rollercoaster for 7 years.  Desperately wishing every month that a miracle would happen and my DH promising that we'll try harder next month. The last few years placing tx on credit cards so never having holidays to enjoy each other's company.  However, I think that I have at last had enough - and I NEVER thought I would feel this way.  I feel just the same as you, that I'm exhausted by all the scans and tests and maybe I need to finally come to terms that I have a DH that loves me and, so far as I am aware, that I am healthy.  I have been loved by the best parents in the world (god bless you mum), so health and happiness through loved ones and friends will be enough to keep me going.  I hope so..

I am new to FF but I have found tremendous comfort in being able to be honest about my feelings as only 2 friends know what I have been through. I wish you so much love and support take care    
Prommer xxx


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## JayneC (Dec 5, 2009)

Prommer. Sharez


Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel - we too are at a crossroads of trying to decide whether to keep going or not - or to move on and start looking into adoption. We are so fortunate to have our wonderful DH's to support us - but you are right it is so difficult as I have no friends who have gone through this and are at this point. I thought I would keep going and going until it worked - but I just don't feel like that now. I just don't feel like I have the strength to keep putting ourselves through what feels like torture! But stopping means "giving up" on our dream of having our baby. I am lost and thank god for FF!


I've started seeing a counsellor again who is going to try and help us work through everything to come to our decision - would definately recommend it to anyone - it can be exhausting, but is worth it to try and keep my sanity. So much of life is geared around babies - at work, pregnant women, walking to the office - pregnant women and buggies everywhere! Even on a nice sunny day off - supermarket and town are full of people with babies!


I think us all being in this "inbetween" bit is the hardest - to continue or not is so much tougher than deciding to do it!


Sending everyone lots of        and please remember to be kind yourselves and our wonderful DH's!


Take care


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## Illy (Jul 20, 2008)

Hi there,


I feel like I'm in limbo.  After my last failed cycle I just don't know what to do.  I always had that little light of hope, but after my last cycle I just feel now I'm kidding myself.  I thought about DEIVF but I'm not sure if I can survive another blow emotionally. And it is not guaranteed that it will work. I thought about adopting and look into it at the moment, but it won't be really my child and I will get a reminder of that with a letter from the birthmother.  Sorry if I mope about, but it is so hard to know what to do next.  


I'm working in an all woman team and 2 of them had a baby this year and one going to have a baby.  They come in next week with their babies.  I just can't face them and pretend everything is fine.  I'm worried that I burst out crying.  


Why do we have to go through such a tough time.


Lots of       everyone.


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

Hi blume, i feel in limbo too, we have had 3 icsi cycles, and we have 2 eggs frozen, which we are going to use next summer, ive always had the next cycle to get through the heartache , but now nothing, no its never going to work, so why bother any more :0(((
Its so hard and know totally how you feel, I have a work collegue expecting, a close friend and sis in law all due within 4 weeks off each other, im so pleased for them all, but hurts inside, that it will never be me.
hugs to you.xxx


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## overDAbridge (Jun 6, 2011)

HI Guys, 



Its reassuring to see people talking about feeling exhausted and beaten, thats me. 


       


I'm in a slightly unusual position of being in a f/f (same sex) civil partnership - so despite me being possibly at the end of the road, we are able to have another go with my partner. 



Despite being very lucky to have this extra option, I still feel no better having to come to terms with the fact,  I maybe unable to have my own biological children.



It deeply pains me not to have a biological child of my own. I'm aware mainly for illogical reasons and I feel annoyed at myself for needing help and support when we've got 2x more chances than most people. I could understand if other people would resent that and wonder what my problem is.  


Can I be welcomed here?  


So its hard to explain to people where im at right now.  
  

Bridge x


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## ANGELA29A (Jun 7, 2010)

hello overdabridge. 
its very much a postcode lottery as to what your options are hun, but the emotions, and feeling are just the same, and it doesnt get any easier.xx


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## overDAbridge (Jun 6, 2011)

HI Angela, 

I can see its not likely to get any easyier, if any thing harder.  

Post code lottery as it is, crazy situation were all in - who'd of thought you could try so hard for so little? 

Bridge x.


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## livingonaprayer (Feb 3, 2012)

not sure how often i'll be on here , as i'm kind of at the end of a journey, but i've popped up for a little chat as got BFN yesterday and we have decided it's the crossroads/end of the road for us with IVF even though after just one try. ( bicorneat uterus not comfirmed / 1 embryo 2/2/12 neg blood test yesterday, AF arrived uninvited this afternoon,)
spent yesterday devastated when i got the news,was a shock,  but today i am beginning to think that if you feel that enough is enough, there are other options, and being a couple closely, non-clinically, naturally for fun (not watching calendars , just for fun like in the first place) that we can enjoy our lives again, will be a silver lining,  i've really thought alot about my nieces and nephews who will grow up and hopefully come and stay with their auntie and uncle  sorry my post has turned into longer than a little chat lol


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