# working and stress during treatment



## chocbunny

hiya,

been lurking for months since diagnosis of PCOS but this is my first post. We are going through ICSI and I start injecting the end of February.  

I'm self-employed and work in property so it can be very stressful and there are large sums of our money at stake if I get things wrong.  Up til now I relished the challenge of it and had confidence in my ability to make the right decisions.  But since getting my dates through I have lost all enthusiasm for this work that I used to love.  

Can anyone relate to that?  Did anyone give up work to go through IVF?  I'm trying to figure out whether it's just that I'm so distracted by the IVF, whether I'm already anxious about the levels of stress and how that might affect tx or whether I have plain old january blues and just need to get on with going to work like everyone else this time of year!  

I'm contemplating pulling out of one big project in particular which will mean losing money we've put in  and my gut instinct says it's the right thing to do as I don't want to put myself through it if I'm going to be pregnant and if the treatment doesn't work I won't want to be dealing with the project, but maybe it's my laziness talking!  And anyway, I know I can't just sit on the sofa waiting to get pregnant!  Can see DH loving that!

Why is everything so much harder when going through IVF than with natural conception?  It's like we feel the odds are just so stacked against us we can't do anything just incase


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## vixter_1

hey Chocbunny

Man, do I know what you are going through.  I am the manager of a large team and directly responsible for a team of 100 million euros - if I slip up the company feel it.  I started treatment believing I could do it all but realised I was needing more and more time off for scans and appointments (and since the EC date can never be planned to a tee I was always moving my dates slightly).  Then I started to realise I was feeling more and more distracted and probably coming on this site too much (so I had a 6 monthsself  enforced absence from FF). At the peak of our treatment my company decided to put me forward for a tonne of management courses and development interviews and it really felt like a juggling act.  Sometimes I was really, really grateful for the distraction because I think I would make myself worse alone at home and other times I just wanted to curl up and sleep for a week. 

I thought I was helping myself by always taking my two week wait off and resting but I think that is not for me because, during the last cycle, the one where I worked through the wait (and during the pre Xmas period) I got my first BFP.  What I found helped was confiding a bit in my employer - not about my treatment but that I had some general medical issues and that I would need some time off and a bit less stress.  I promised I would come back to my usual 100mph speed when it was all over.  I think I wasn't stressed about the work stress but stressed about the lying and covering days off . On top of this I travel frequently to Asia and I was trying to plan trips around scans and treatment.  Basically I couldn't do this and had to cancel all trips.  But I do think I was a drastic case because if you see my signature I cycled back to back with a transfer near enough every month since August. 

I never considered giving my job up but did think about reduced hours.  In the end I managed through it only to find that I am the tiredness, sickest pregnant person around and would LOVE to be at home for the next few months - I think treatment took everything I have and I am tired of it all.  Because of this I got a DRs line saying no travel for the rest of the pregnancy and ended up giving it to my boss and explaining the whole situation.  I must say he was so wonderful about it that I wish I had to told him right at the beginning and saved myself all the extra stress but whether to share this kind of thing is a very personal decision (we didnt even tell our families - yet now I am strangely proud of what we did and cant wait to tell everyone about it all once we hit the 12 weeks). 

Its a double edged sword because some days, particularly during the waiting periods (and god are there so many) you will be glad of the distraction.

What gave me a lot of courage was a study that my hospital did that said they have better results with woman who just ''go with IVF''.  As in, realise its going to be a big part of your life, treat like a full time job but have confidence in your DRs - dont let it turn into an obsession, don't think about it constantly and just trust that you are on the right path. I think once I gave up control, realised I couldn't do everything then it worked for me.  But I am reluctant to share this advice as gospel because every situation is different, as is every person - I have a great friend on FF who took a year off for IVF and is still waiting for her baby.  I do appreciate your situation is very different as its your own money and investment but I know I couldn't give it up now. . .I really hope your first cycle is the one for you but for some people (me included) its not and was more the cycle the DRs used to work out how to get the next one perfect - so you can never plan how long this period of absence might be.  As I say though, I hope you're a first time lucky girl - I really do. 

As you go along you will work out what is right for you - and how you feel one day is maybe not how you will feel the next.  One thing is for sure, when this baby comes along I am taking a long, overdue career break.

Good luck with everything - I hope its your time.  

X


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## chocbunny

Wow! Vixter!  thank you so much.  from your first line I felt less alone with this and it was really helpful reading what you went through and how you found it juggling a full-on career with the ups and downs and timetabling of your tx.  thank you for taking the time to tell me about your experiences and congratulations on your BFP.  It's so lovely to hear good news on here - you wouldn't believe the massive smile on my face!    I hope your little beans are coming along nicely!
I totally understand what your clinic meant by just going with IVF.  That had been my intention as I thought it would stress me out more trying to totally change my lifestyle and going all organic with my diet but my big thing I am trying to minimise is stress.  I remember one time on a project where I was in tears of frustration after months of being continually let down by a services provider and on another project, lying awake worrying about how to handle a builder who was becoming increasingly aggressive with me and I just can't imagine having to deal with this kind of thing while my emotions are all over the place from hormones, having trouble sleeping, feeling bruised and bloated and all the other joys I understand are coming my way 
Down the line this big project will really stretch us financially and I've never before minded having to scramble around trying to get financing , I actually considered it a bit of a speciality of mine, but this year I just think it will be one more massive headache I could do without.
I think I've come up with a solution where we can pull out of the big project without losing so much money and I feel so much better since coming up with the idea that it seems to me it must be the right decision.  I'm all for persistence in the face of difficulty, but I just have a nagging feeling this could well become a nightmare project - having to deal with it all during tx and kicking myself for not listening to my instincts and getting out when I could will feel a lot worse and last a lot longer than accepting I walked away when faced with managing it alongside IVF.
Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but I feel so much better being able to write it all down and work it through so thank you!  I think you're right vixter that for me putting everything on hold and sitting at home waiting for it to happen would not be the right option so it'll just be little easy projects for me for a while!
I do wonder how other people have handled this.  I've heard it said that IVF is more stressful and puts more strain on a marriage than just about anything else.  Staying at home would seem to avoid the stress of work but probably doesn't endear us to DHs!
Hugs and babydust to everyone.  Here's hoping 2012 is our year


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## Darlbag

Hi ladies
I have also been wondering about the work situation!
Getting our dates to start icsi in march and not wanting to tell work but as they are not so flexible I dont see what excuses to make for all these upcoming appointments. But I suppose its something I will need to play by ear. 
Good luck to you both xx


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## Jardin

Hello Ladies,
I am a teacher (full time) so luckier than some, what with school hols, but it can still be a tricky situation. I have told my Headmaster (male) and deputy head (male) who have been understanding but dislike having to be evasive with colleagues, who always assume I've been ill and ask if I'm feeling better...Also, there has recently been a promotion come up but I wonder if they are going to overlook me because they know my situation (although I've been here three times before with no success   )  And should I go for it at all? - after all, if some of that baby-dust comes my way, I'll be pregnant by September   But how long can you leave your professional life on hold for Having treatment makes me feel like I've got my life on pause - arrgh! That aside, have never minded working whilst doing treatment. Is a welcome distraction in my opinion!


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## jumpa

I can totally relate to this thread. I blame work stress for our situation as our lifestyle is otherwise good - we're both fit and healthy, don't smoke, don't drink excessively and so on. DP, bless him, is not the most laid back person so I wouldn't be surprised if stress was the main cause of our MF issue. 

Also, although I don't consider myself to be career-mad, my job is important to me and I can see that in the past I have tended to put work first.  Now I can see that waiting for the 'right moment' to start a family wasn't such a good move. I'll be 40 next year so my current plan is to focus on ivf this year, with career/job securely in second place. If we really get no success with our tx then I will go back to putting my energies into my career. I've got decades of working life left ahead of me, but the same can't be said for my ovaries. 

In practice this means that when a great job vacancy came up before Christmas I told myself not to apply for it (although I was tempted). Another plum job has just been advertised but this time I didn't even look at the job description. Also I am taking leave around EC and ET. At the moment it's just a few days but I'm considering extending this because work is so stressful at the moment and I want to give myself the best chance during 2ww. 

The way I see it implantation is the crucial bit that I can't control or predict so I don't want to jeopardise it by running round like a mad thing at work. On the other hand I know I would get cabin fever being stuck at home so I might ask my manager if I can work from home so that I've got something to occupy my mind. I'm lucky that she's very supportive.

Ideally I'd like to find a balance between being busy enough to take my mind off tx but not so busy that I get stressed, because I seriously think that that could screw things up for us.

So that's where I am at the moment...

Good luck to all you lovely ladies. 
xx


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## coweyes

chocbunny,vixter, darlbag and jumpa

I am so glad that i read this thread today as i have been feeling a bit confused about work.

My dh and i have been trying for a baby for 5 years, last year i found out i had a chromazine problem as well as the expected fertility problems we started this journey with, we now need pgd with icsi.  Basically when i started my pressent job i was a senior in a care home for adults with learning dis, i then got made dep manager.  I really struggled with this role, and basically lost a lot of interest in work, i also struggled with the stress of it all on top of having treatment.  I stepped down and became a support worker, which has been great.  But 2011 was a very very difficult year, esp as it was the year i found out about my chromazone problem, and had to admit to myself that we were getting near the end of our journey.  Since then i have struggled even more, i enjoy my job but often feel pre occupied.  My boss knows my situation and has been great, but also knows that it sometimes effects my work.

Basically i go to work cos i have to.  I struggle with the fact that i am not leading the life that i think i should, eg working instead of being a stay at home mum.  I can relate to everything you have all said, i often feel lost and confused about my place in society.  I now only work 30  hours a week and find it a lot better.  xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Meikle

Hi guys,  read your posts with interest as this is the one issues me and my hubby are still trying to figure out. I work for child protection services investigating crimes against children. Its extremely stressful and long unpredictable hours, i generally thrive on the uncertainty of my job but it does have an impact on my eating habits and general taking care of me (can go all day without eating without noticing).

I will be starting ivf journey in march and my hubby is putting some preassure on me to make arrangments to destress. I do worry about how the emtotional impact of treatment will impact on my ability to do my job, given I investigate the terribly things poeple do to children and worry i may loose some of my professional objectivity (raging hormones wanting to kill bad parents etc). Through all of the assesment appointments we have told no-one what we are doing but after lots of conversations with my hubby we agreed i needed to tell my boss at work what our plans are for the coming months. Thankfully i have lots of leave owed so taking time off wont be problem but explaining the short notice would have been difficult.

So with much dread i approached my boss last week...  so glad that i did. They were fab about everything and actually really positive, time off isnt a problem however boss has plans to have another team member as back up short notice and also wants to look at the kind if investigations i am involved in during the process (thinking invesitgations involving babies might be a struggle). Feeling so much better prepared already and also changing some of my habits i.e packed lunches made in the mornings to ensure i am eating healthier. 

I would like to think that I know my body and mind better than anybody else and know what i can and cannot handle, i do know I would go totally   (dowally tap) if I stayed home all the time and this would stress me out further so hoping i can get the balance right... no doubt my hubby will still have over-protective comments to make as we go but think we can compromise..      so looking forward to it all and feeling positive now is our time to be parents.  

good luck to you all as you make your own decisions, you know yourself better than anyone else so you have to trust your own instincts xx


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## Darlbag

I also work in a care setting so can be a demanding job and work over 30 hrs.
Cant quit or cut down hours so I will defo still need to work.
Its just how to attend all appts without actually telling them. Not sure how understanding they would be x


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## vixter_1

Hey ladies

Its such a tough one isn't it.  You can always tell your employers you have an unnamed medical issue.  That is what I did.

I actually find this period now (after a BFP) harder as I am so sick and I am quite glad my employers now know everything, I don't know how so many woman manage to hide 2 months of sickness.  My head is also not fully on work and hasn't been since treatment started but I make sure on good days I over perform as much as I can to counter the bad days.  That's the best advice I can give, when you feel like working (and some days you will just to keep mind busy) do it as hard as you can so you feel less guilty when you take your foot off slightly.

Chocbunny, I am so happy you found a way through it all and can embrace your cycle with all the attention it deserves.

V X


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## coweyes

Darlbag


your employers may have a policy for fertility treatment, if they do then you may be intitled to x amount of days paid leave.  This normally depends on how big the company is.


How about telling them?  everyone where i work knows.  I now have to have treatment in London so glad they know as i would not be able to hide it from them.  The other thing i have done for previous cycles is earnt toil and then taken it over the course of having treatment, that works really well.


I am just about to start my 4 treatment and there are a few things that i wish i know then that i know now!  Such as dont worry about the side effects of the medication, you will cope with it.  I quite like feeling my body change as i know 1)the drugs are doing something 2) that i am finally doing something to help myself possibly have a baby.  The side effects that i have experienced have been minimal and always manageable.  


I have to say that the only thing that i concentrate on and worry about now is 1)that i am responding well to the drugs and 2)most importantly that i get the end result that i want.  Everything else will sort it self out. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Jardin

Hi Meikle,
Like COWEYES I have never really had any negative symptoms/hormonal imbalance during treatments and I've had 3. I've always felt really positive and cheerful. Mind u, I've never had PMS either so perhaps I just don't have any hormones  So hope you have the same luck - you won't necessarily turn into the Hulk. As for stress, I have a list of things I do to try and minimise it, such as going out for a 20 minute walk at lunchtime, acupuncture etc. And I just try to put myself first during treatment - sit down to eat properly etc. Good luck!


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## Darlbag

Coweyes..
They arent all that flexible and there have been cuts and stuff so really not wanting to rock the boat not wanting everyone knowing, but saying that your probably right I should tell my boss at least but will maybe try go through as much treatment as possible until I do really need to explain. Oh the joys of life eh!
All we can do is take it by the days ladies and keep positive although at times its hard.
Hope we all get BFPs  

A good point raised is.. Whether to work the 2ww or rest? Yes people conceiving naturally continue working and going about normal routine but going through treatment is different and I wonder if they advise you to take it easy for 2ww. 
My job can be demanding so I do worry and dont want co workers thinking im at it if I am not comfortable with any particular task. Xx


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## chocbunny

hi Darlbag,
I know our clinic said specifically to try and take it easy during 2ww - work from home for the first week at least, which is my plan.  As you say, it's all very well knowing what some people do having conceived naturally but if we were those people we would be pregnant already not cutting out alcohol and caffeine and replacing with hormone injections and brazil nuts!!
So good to see so many ladies speaking up about their conflicting feelings on this subject.  It seems it is a dilemma for so many of us...


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## vixter_1

Hey ladies

The one time I worked the 2ww I got a BFP - I'm not saying its linked but rest ever seemed to make a difference to me. I'm stressed today for work related reasons, Im 9 weeks pregnant and have constant nausea and am totally exhausted beyond belief. I've had to phone in sick today (my work know about my pregnancy) but I feel incredibly guilty due to the unbelievable amount of sick days I had last year, all revolving round treatment. I really thought after treatment I could return to 100% - I was wrong :-( when you get your BfP (and you all will) I hope you feel better than me, but just incase think now about the fact that you might be sick also in pregnancy - I wish somehow had advised me to work as much as loss though treatment so I could justify more days off now!

Good luck to all XXX


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## FertileRoad

So glad I found this forum. I thought I was only the person juggling it all. Starting the ICSI process while I am on two training course one Feb the other March. Starting  new on line business but this can spread to 3 new businesses. Also have the biggest Scottish exhibition to exhibit at in Feb with approx 8000 visitors to be let down by my co partner who cant make one  of the days be on my own 8 hours standing taking to clients. This all at the same time as working full time and working part time for my partner as book keeper - spreading myself too thin. On top of that full time job has just announced voluntary severance next its compulsory and a new merger. Next if you have 3 days off in a year personnel want to now why? DP PESA procedure in March we estimate I should start process in August so if lucky I'll nearly be 42 - geriatric. Oh yes plus a house thats to be rewired, replumbed, new kitchen and extension built and new office out back. I was thinking of an allotment for my stress free time - ha ha when will that be.


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## cassie5

Hello Ladies,

I am quite new to FF, but just came across this thread. It really made me feel a lot less alone, thank you for that!  

After my third m/c, ( "natural" and clomid / iui) have been told that ivf is the only option for us (immune issues and me just turned 40). My acupuncturist thinks that stress may have contributed to my m/c as i am quite run down. However, being the main breadwinner, i cannot really see an alternative, especially with the costs of ivf  

I still remember being on my way to the hospital with severe bleeding  (sorry, TMI) , but having to wait two hours as i needed to attend a sudden meeting. This was one thing as i knew that there is very little the doctors can do with a threathened m/c in early pregnancy, however, it is quite a different thing to do something which may or may not actually jeopardise the little beanie. My job isn't terribly understanding and we have redundancies coming up, so i don't see any immediate solution either.

Vixter, reading that you got your bfp whilst working in a stressful environment really cheered me up and just reading this thread made me feel less alone.

Thank you so much ladies  

C xx


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## vixter_1

Hi Cassie

Am so happy you feel less alone - cause you're not alone.

I have a friend who coped with the death of her father in law whilst stimming and her own father during the same 2ww.  She was sucessful in getting a BFP.  Now don't get me wrong, I fully believe if you can reduce stress then great and fully believe it to be nothing but beneficial. But if your employer doesn't allow reduced working hours or you are like me and can't afford it (or have used all your sick leave on numerous failed cycles - also like me   then don't forget the body is a remarkable machine and can be quite stress resistant.  I always think the key lies in not feeling more stressed about being stressed. . .if that makes sense?  Probs not


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## cassie5

Hi Vixter,

I think it does make sense  . I have been really worried about starting a cycle and being stressed out at work, but these stories gives me a bit of hope  . It is easy to say that people normally manage to conceive under stress, but as chocbunny said, these people may fall pregnant very easily, so good news that there is hope also for us ivf ladies! 

C xx


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## vixter_1

Yes its true. . .we are not really normal conceiving ladies (oh how I wish we all were).  I had 4 transfers and varied each of them in my stress management protocol: first one total time off from EC right through 2ww.  Second one between 3 days after transfer (it was a frozen one).  Third one I worked it all as transfer was at weekend and my final, and sucessful one, I was off from EC to ET and worked rest of 2ww, during a very busy period.  It never seemed to make a difference to me. . .but I did have to learn to compartmentalise and not feel stressed about not being 100% at work. . .I just made a big effort to be 150% whenever I could, hoping it would help for times I was off par (which was a lot as I pretty much cycled back to back and am not the type to easily shrug off another BFN). 

My good friend tried to set my priorities straight by reminding me how much we have been through to get this far and to not let work stand in the way of it all.  It will be there when we are all done baby-making   Unfortunatley. 

Good luck to all XX


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## chocbunny

Well, I've started the process to pull out of the big project that was most stressing me out.  I'm relieved because it would have lasted for months and has a less certain positive outcome than any other project we've done (other than IVF lol!).  Doing things this way will have its own challenges but I think DH and I are prepared - famous last words!

I've now started on the BC pill which is making everything so much more real.  Up til this point I guess I was still concerned the clinic might turn round and change the plans on me for tx, plus AF is never normally on time so quite proud of my body for co-operating with tx so far    I'm just so distracted though.  Withdrawing from the big project has meant this is a much quieter period than it was due to be and I'm finding myself sat reading post after post here on FF.  I'm one of those people who is perfectionist, all or nothing, need to have all the info, etc etc so trying to pretend its business as normal when I have a more important, emotional, life-changing "project" underway is proving tough.

Not sure if anyone has any answers but just feel like this is going to be a long process if I can't make myself focus on anything else.  Working for myself makes it harder in a way because I don't have anyone to keep appearances up for plus I feel guilty because DH is working so hard right now.  I know guys handle all this IVF differently from us girls but I just hope he doesn't resent me taking this time to get my head round it all.  Like you say vixter the concern is I get more stressed over managing feelings of guilt for not being 100% productive than I do over the work!  

Cassie5, I'm like you: perhaps been getting preoccupied with how to avoid stress during this time so it is really good to read the stories of people who got BFP from IVF despite intense stress, thanks vixter.  I guess for me all this is an effort to avoid the "what if; if only" if we aren't lucky this time round.  I've a bad track record for being ridiculously tough on myself and am scared that if we don't get the result we are hoping for I'm going to hold myself responsible


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## coweyes

I think the other thing to consider is where you are with it all!  I am on my 4th round of treatment and this will be my last fresh go, possibly if we are very lucky we may get a fet from this fresh.  I know this time is different for me, we are coming to the end of treatment and if this fails i will have to except that i will not have my own bio child.  Something that i have not had to consider too much on my previous rounds.  The other thing is that my new clinic is in London, so the stress of travelling is a lot greater this time. x x x


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## Darlbag

Hi Ladies
Hope everyone is well 
This thread is just great, so many of us feeling the same in regards to work situations xx


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## chocbunny

oh coweyes  
Can't imagine how you're feeling but hoping you get a good fresh cycle and some frosties too.  
I have everything crossed for you.


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## MrsMacD

Have been reading through your posts and really admire how many of you are coping with such demanding jobs at the same time as having treatment. I gave up my teaching job a few weeks ago in preparation for starting treatment. I wasn't really enjoying it, it was extremely stressful and my boss was totally unapproachable so I couldn't see how I was going to make both work. I am now in the position where I have far too much time on my hands and spend too much time thinking/worrying about everything. Once I've got over the shock of going from unexplained infertility to finding out what is wrong with me it'll be time to find another job before I go insane lol!


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## coweyes

MrsMacd


Why dont you do some volunteering while your not working.  Its not so mentally demanding but will keep you busy.


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## MrsMacD

Thanks coweyes. Had thought about that awhile ago before I quit my job but didn't do anything about it. Maybe that is the way forward! Good luck with your journey. Sending lots of


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## Danii

Thanks so much for posting this thread! I am a solicitor and work in property. Although I don't think that I struggle particularly with stress as I have always coped well i feel with my job. What I have been stressing about massively however in the last few days is how I'm meant to juggle work commitments with all the appointments and the actual EC. This is our first IVF so I have all these things I'm not sure of - how many appointments will their be, how will the drugs affect me, how am I meant to cope with this all without work finding out? 

Telling work is not an option I work for a pretty conservative firm who will definitely not take well to the time off etc.  The only thing I can think to do is to wait and see how it all pans out, which really isnt my style!  I struggle a lot with having to try and 'fix' everything so just seeing doesn't sit well with me.

I feel better for knowing there are other people out there in the same boat xx


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## chocbunny

Hi Danii,
Welcome! Like you my work isn't usually a problem (also in property buit the other side - dealing with builders!) as I am confident that I can handle the stress but just not sure how to work it all once I start treatment (pick up drugs friday - eek!).  I have a new project starting next week and normally I would be hunting out the best quote I can as it's all about maximising profit on the development, but now I find myself wondering whether it's worth paying out extra £1000s in order to have builders I know will not be calling me with problems.  I just don't want to be faced with the dilemma during my 2ww of needing to go on site to mediate between building inspector and builders when the clinic expressly told me to rest up and work from home.  See, already worrying!  I totally get where you're coming from trying to plan everything out and prepare for different eventualities!
Being self-employed, it's not a problem for me telling a boss about appointments so I don't have any advice, but I honestly don't know how women do this without telling their work.  They must be far more even-keeled than me: I feel I've been totally distracted and lacking focus just since I started the pill let alone when the hormones really kick in!  Most women I've read on here seem to be relieved once they have told their work but you can only do what you think is right.
Hope some of that makes sense and you're coming to decisions you feel comfortable with.  When do you start treatment?


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## KLconfused

Hi all,
This is a really interesting thread and has helped me clarify things a bit. Im a contractor and have a contract until end May but i havent been able to work since mid Jan as i have been ill with crohnes disease. I was on bed rest about 6 weeks and i have now been wellish for about 4 weeks due to a new drug. I finish my loading dose of the new drug the end of march and i told work i could come back early april. They have just asked me if i still think ill be available then. I was due to start ICSI IVF due to MF last August and then i got sick about a week before the appointment and was diagnosed with crohns so the IVF plans went on hold. Ive had a few false starts since then when i thought i could start IVF but the crohns came back. I have to be in remission to start IVF and i think I am now. I had a chat with the clinic today about IVF and they have sugggested i wait another month before starting as I was severely anaemic and they want to make sure i maintain a good iron level after my hospital treatment. Ill have another blood test to check it next week. I have to stay on the crohns drugs  but theres no problm with them and IVF. The risk is i flare up again during IVF as apparntly you need to be in remision for pregnancy and then you stay in remission but if you get pregnant in a flare up you will probably stay in flare up all the way through. 

Anyway so the relevance to this thread is that i think ill be doing my first cycle of IVF early May (wanted april but told no due to anaemia which is good as at least my clinic dont just want the money). I told my DH that i could go back to work in april and then do IVF May and i will have earnt money towards a second IVF but he said what was the point as I think my best chance of successful IVF is limited stress. I used to have a very high powered and stressful job and i used to love it and thrived on stress but now the slightest stress and my crohns flares. Ive had a terrible year this year with dogs and horses being sick, my husbands job at risk although now safe and my mum and gran being ill. So im wandering whether to go back to work in april or not. I left work unexpectantly in January due to crohns so i dont want to mess them about with all the apppointments for crohns doctors and IVF clinics. But im healthy enough to go back and i feel guilty to my husband as he hates his job and would like time off but we cant afford both of us not to work. He also isnt sure about IVF now ive been sick but he will support me and he feels some guilt as the issue is MF. No issues with me - my womb may be the only thing that works as my stomach doesnt!

So shall i fob off work for another 2 months until ive done my first IVF cycle or should i take the time out to focus on IVF whilst i can. We can manage on just my husbands wages and i dont get bored at home with lots of animals to look after and some serious training i do with my dogs. I will be thinking about it all in the 2 ww im sure though but im more nervous of the crohns flaring so i cant start IVF than i am of the IVF (although im terrified of EC but not thinking about it now). 
I think im talking myself into staying off work but then the money would be good for when baby is here and when im pregnant it might be better to stop work a few months sooner than i otherwise could afford to? Couldi finish work 6 months pregnant instead of 8 months if i go to work in April?
decision decision.


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## FertileRoad

KLconfused - I think you have answered it your self - you send a lot of money and you may only have once chance so take care of yourself. I too hope to start in May and I am the most important person along with the baby to be.


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## KLconfused

Thanks, 
I keep thinking of what someone else said earlier - I have another 20 + years to work yet if IVF doesnt work so a few months off now to give IVF the best chance is nothing. Trouble is im now finding im counting down the 6 weeks left until i start IVF -i want it to be now


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## FertileRoad

KLConfused - where are you starting treatment and when is your start date?


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## coweyes

It's a very personal choice. For me I am def having time off, this will probably be our last go and I want to lOok after myself mentally. Also I live in Somerset and have no choice but to use guys hospital as I need pgd, so don't even think I could do it even if I wated to. I will be off sick from the time I have my first scan while strimming till the 2ww.  My work know and fully support me, but if they didn't it's tough. Xxx


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## cassie5

Hello ladies,

I have just started treatment - actually was told this week that I could start immediately, so will need to get time off over the coming two weeks   . It is so difficult for me to ask ( have not had a longer holiday than one week over the past year) and I am really struggling with this. The whole unpredictability of this means that I come across as really poorly organised and I worry that work will be quite upset with me... I also need to wriggle out of two important client meetings next week, not sure how that will go down  .

Any encouraging words would be very much appreciated...

C xx


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## coweyes

You can do it several different ways. Tell the trough say you need time Off and ask for holiday.  Or get a dr note and have the time off as sick! Xx


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## vixter_1

hey Cassie

If you dont want your work to know then make up some other medical situation that needs attention - ie a cyst or something and that your blood work has to be at a certain level before the op.  This will allow for any changes in dates.

I have been your shoes so share your pain.

V X


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## FertileRoad

Well I have been signed off work with stree for minimum 3 weeks, I've had two breakdowns within the last two weeks the last one I just had to go to the doctor. I sat in the doctors in a blubbing mess with tears down my face for 40 minutes using all her hankies. I have got myself stressed with juggling to much working full time, restoring an old house, developing a new company or two helping my DP with his company. worrying about my DP having the SRI procedure and the waiting game to see if there are any swimmers and me starting on flare protocol early May.  I feel like a coiled spring


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## cassie5

FertileRoad,

Hope you are OK   

It sounds like you have been taking on way too much. Hopefully you can rest a bit now, look after yourself and get into the best possible state for tx. 

I took two weeks off in the end, unfortunately I just got a BFP  , but we will continue trying and those two weeks just made such a difference to me! I did feel like a new person and a lot of the things i did ( organising my closet, starting to write notes on personal goals and objectives and just the breathing space) really helped me, both to go through the process without going crazy and now to gather myself for trying again.

How are you feeling about it? Are you OK with being off work? Big   and lots of   for your upcoming treatment.

C XX


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## coweyes

FertileRoad


   I have been there, think most of us have.  Sounds so much like my situation,  Trying to do our house up, trying to care for my animals, work full time, dh started his own business, an ectipic pg, miscarrage, and a car crash!!  All with in 18 months.  Began to feel really nurvious and anxious, that went on for a couple of months.  Went into work one day, asked to take a client into town, just could not cope with it.  Went home, got signed off work for 2 weeks.  realised i had taken on far too much.


Give yourself a break, what we are going through is hard enough, let alown jugging all the other stuff.  You have to hit rock bottom to be able to pick yourself up.  We forget that the on going stress of IF is not normal,  and it does catch up with you.  


I hope your going to spend the time off trying to chill out, i know for me finding another focus in my life was important.


I hope you begin to feel better soon.  Feel free to pm me if you want to chat. xx


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## Darlbag

Fertile Road.. Big hugs, hope you feel better soon   xxxx
hello to the other ladies xxx


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## irishflower

Hello everyone.  Fairly new to FF and this thread has summed up my most immediate fear.  Have my first private clinic appointment coming up after TTC for 4 years and unexplained so far from NHS tests/ultrasounds etc.  So not sure what treatment we'll be having yet....

A job came up in my work this week that I've been waiting on for ages....really struggled with the decision whether or not to apply as my current boss knows my situation, is flexible with me taking time off for appointments etc. I have no idea what the new boss would be like but I've decided to apply anyway.  At the end of the day although a baby is no 1 priority right now, my work is still important and whilst my boss is great, my current job isn't making me happy so decided to go for it.  I mightn't even get the job but if I do I imagine I'll start stressing about taking time off so soon after starting it etc etc.......what to do?!!!  
I'm also studying for a Masters degree part-time and have been worried about it too (I'm always an anxious bunny  ) but spoke to the course coordinator yesterday and she was great, giving me all the options for taking time out if I have to.  Having a week where it's all seeming a bit much and I don't know what to think about first!

Hope everything works out for you all and all the decisions taken are the right ones for you!


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## Darlbag

Hiya IrishFlower  
welcome! This site is brilliant for info and advice aswell as making friends on the same path!
work was my biggest worry aswell but Ive got my worries sorted workwise. For now anyways!
Good Luck in getting this new job  xxx


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## irishflower

Thanks Darlbag!  Have found it great so far have to say!

Glad you got your work worries sorted out - best of luck to you for the next month ahead! x


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## Darlbag

Thanks!! Same to you xxx


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## FertileRoad

Thanks to Cassie5 and Cowseyes, yes you do have to hit rock bottom before you know you cant get any lower. I only have one chance at this as me and my DP are too old now so its me, this week its cleaning the house, next week its working on the businesses and the 3rd week should just be for me - as my doctor said go out do lunch go for massage, walk the dog what ever it takes to relax you. I am surronding myself with positive people, which is a great help. I keep telling myself I can only climb he mountain at the rate for me not everyone else.

I am starting to get exciting about the treatment and counting to day 21 should be 6 May! This may sound daft but I love the wee beanies already and they are not here!


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## Vickytick

It's a tough one. I was working locally after being made redundant from the career that I loved. Naively at the time I thought it wouldn't be too bad as I'd be pg soon (wed been ttc for 6mths then) so the money would help with that. Ummm well that was 2 years ago and we still ttc. Two m/c and one failed ivf later I'm no further along. I got a temp local job but so much pressure was put on me as I showed I was a good keen worker tht I had to leave. Being at home full time was okay but we missed the money and I missed using my brain. I just thought about ttc constantly. Tried for 8 mths to get pt job just got a 3 mth contract for 3 days a week. 

For me it's the perfect scenario as its in my industry and only 3 days a week but it's due to finish soon and ill be back to square one. It's still hard juggling appts as my clinic is over an hour away and the other side of the m25 one day it took us nearly 3hrs due to traffic.

It has to be the right decision for you and finance is often a key issue weve sacrificed alot for ttc. They say don't  put your life on hold but if your employer is not flexible it can be a nightmare.

Wih everyone luck with their journey. Xx


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## FertileRoad

if anyone is trying to decide to work through stress or not, here is my story. I am now signed off work due to stress, it could not have come at a worse time as I am not physically or mentally able to go through with the ICSI treatments as of 30 April. I now have to wait another month. If only I had not let stress at work get to me I would be on a high and starting treatment. I thought I was taking care of my self - folic acid, vits, minerals, extra protein, healthy diet, but I forgot me time to chill out and take care of the inner mind. Everyone take care of themselves I wish I had. But I have extra weeks to do that and I am starting to ease up. x


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## cassie5

FertileRoad,

Is sounds like you slowly are picking yourself up. I am sorry about you having to postpone your treatment, that must be so disappointing for you.    Hopefully you will be all rested and ready to go next month!     in your journey.

C xx


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