# Everyone's an expert!



## Parky77 (Jan 15, 2014)

Hello,

I've just had my 13th disappointment. So I'm getting good at coping with it now. What I'm finding harder and harder to cope with is everyone else's opinions and do gooder comments. I know that they are uncomfortable, they are trying to be supportive, they don't know what else to say and its human nature to say something positive, it's the nearest anyone can feel to helping you. But stop it!  I don't want to hear how it all ended up happily ever after for someone you read about in a magazine, or a distant relative!  I don't want to hear, just relax!  Or it'll come when you stop trying, do you know what it won't!  It's medically impossible!  Or have you thought about adopting, of course I have, but it's not appropriate to ask those questions, it's very personal, if I want to talk to you about adoption I will!

It's hard enough being my age, seeing all my friends popping them out, without listening to all that drivel and not getting upset with those people cause I don't want to be rude, or upset them!  

Anyway, rant over, I just needed to get that off my chest!


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## njr_26 (Aug 27, 2011)

Hi Parky, so sorry to hear things haven't worked out. I had the same problem with other people telling me to stop wasting my money and go and adopt. It took me 2 m/c with DE to realise that I may have some immune issues after thing I read about on FF.  

Have you considered that you may have some sort of immune issue that is stopping treatment from working and causing m/c? Could you get your gp to do these tests given that you have had 2 m/c and so many failed treatments? If your TSH is over 2 it can cause IF and m/c.

13.2  Level 1 tests
These are basically tests that provide some fertility immune information but are available through any doctor (e.g., your GP if they will agree to do them) .  They include:
•  Thyroid panel (TSH, free-T3, free T4 and antithyroid antibodies) – to test for under/over active thyroid and to test for the presence of antithyroid antibodies (untreated antithyroid antibodies or untreated under/over active thyroid have been shown to significantly reduce the chance of pregnancy/IVF success).
•  Insulin resistance (ideally the glucose tolerance test (GTT) - untreated insulin resistance raises the risk of untreated diabetes in pregnancy which can be harmful for baby and increases the risk of PCOS which hinders fertility)
•  Thrombophilia panel (ideally including Factor V Leiden, MTHFR, PAI-1 and Prothrobin factor II  - although these are rarely available on the NHS) and Antiphospholipid panel (including anticardioplipin IgG and IgA) – to test for ‘sticky blood’ signs  (untreated 'sticky blood' reduces the chance of pregnancy success)
•  FBC and liver function tests (basic check on your overall health)
•  Lupus and Rheumatoid arthritis panel (including anti nuclear antibodies and anti-mitochondrial antibodies – may signal undiagnosed auto immune conditions)

You may also want to ask for
•  Vitamin D level (deficiency is likely to lead to immune regulation problems)
•  Immunoglobulin panel (IgG, IgM and IgA) (- may signal some rare immune issues - and is also a necessary screening test before you can have ivig treatment if applicable)
•      Karyotyping for both partners (in rare cases, genetic problems are apparent from the karyotyping test which might mean that the chances for one of the partners having a healthy baby are very much reduced - see above) - but this is an expensive test, so your GP may not agree to do it.

Note that the level 1 tests may indicate that you have problems e.g., with your thyroid, with insulin resistance, with ‘sticky blood’ or that you are at higher risk of having autoimmune issues, but they don’t really give you much indication of what you might find on your level 2 (Chicago tests).

You should ask for a copy of all the results in case you need them.


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## Parky77 (Jan 15, 2014)

Hi njr, 

Thanks for your reply, my dr has tested me for loads, I am pretty sure I've had all of those done, I have very mild sticky blood, so I take baby aspirin and clexane for that. 

I think it's just one of those things with me!

I'm quite matter of fact about it all, I just get frustrated with the insensitive comments!

Have a good day x


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## danceintherain (Apr 16, 2013)

Hi Parky

Sorry to hear about your recent negative result. I can completely relate about the dumb but well-meaning comments. I understand people are just trying to be nice, but it doesn't make it any less infuriating. A lot of the comments are just completely ignorant such as pseudo medical advice that insults my intelligence or 'why don't you just adopt' as if it's some easy magical solution for all infertile couples.  I also don't know why people think I'll be consoled by stories of 'friends of friends' who bear no relation to myself or my medical situation. 

Emotional intelligence is something that is gained through life experience. I like to think that this whole experience has made me more sensitive to other people's issues, and able more fully to understand that you need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you pass comment or judgment. 

Basically I love my friends but if I want to talk about ivf then I prefer to post on here!


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