# Bad News



## kizzie (Jun 2, 2005)

Hi everyone
Sorry Ive started a new thread but didnt want to detract on the other thread from Boomer and everyones lovely news.  

Unfortunately in the last few days Ive started to have debilitating panic attacks.  They are very severe and leave me feeling very ill.

As some of you know I had anxiety based PND after TX (drs think it was all probably a hormonal reax to coming 'down' from the high levels of drugs I was using for tx)

Anyway I then had a very difficult withdrawal from an AD called seroxat.

Everything was completely fine after this and we applied to adopt with the full support for our drs.

This has now happened again out of the blue - again probably a hormonal link.  (For some reason my panic attacks arent linked to actual worry - more like a 'physical' reaction.  I never had them before TX)

We are very close to panel and had been told that there would be no probs to us being approved.  My friends all told me to 'keep quiet' and let everything go through and worry about it then.

But I just didnt feel that I could do that.  There had been a suggestion of a very early possible match (although other families involved) and I didnt feel it was right to 'string them along' if everything wasnt ok with us.  I was really concerned that it might affect the little one being matched.

So in the end I called the SW and the agency manager rang me.  She couldnt have been nicer.  She said Id done absoultey the right thing ringing her. She said our application is very strong and that they dont want to lose us so her instinct is to put us on hold - rather than withdraw the application.  And then review in a little while.  (She needs to confirm with the medical advisor that they are happy to do that but I undertand that).

I feel absolutely devastated today     Just cant stop crying.  I was so looking forward and excited about a new little one in our family.  But I think deep down Ive done the right thing by being honest.  

Sorry this is so long.  I'll let you know what happens.

Kizziex


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Kizzie, i dunno what to say hun, i'm sooooo very sorry   hopefully it will do you the world of good to take a time out. i hope everything works out for you hun

pam xx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Kizzie,

so sorry to read your news......but i think you did the right thing. i had some feelings of panic recently, and even this mornign before panel, but nothign like what your describing....i hope you feel better really soon,

xxxruthie


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Kizzie

Just wanted to send you a hug (((((()))))) there did you get it?  I hope you feel better soon, you have done the right thing & it's not as though your never going to get that long awaited new addition to your family, your just putting things on hold.

It's important to get you right first, there will be the perfect match out there for you & your family, just look at all this wonderful news at the moment BUT you go ahead and have a good old moan & cry, we are here to help if we can.  It makes my complaint about the nusre who did DD hearing test seem so trivial compared to your news.

Get better soon & keep us posted.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Kizzie

So sorry to hear this, but I think that you have done the right thing and gone with your gut feeling.  Like Andrea says it's important to attend to yourself first, so that you can fully appreciate the wonderful family that you will get.

Take care

xxx


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Kizzie - Im sad to hear you are feeling so down today, but you have done something that somepeople wouldnt even have thought about facing...and that in itself is such a great and honest thing to do.
At the end of the day, you want to be at your best to raise your family...

Wishing you all the best and hope you can maybe have some news for us soon.

Natsxx


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## gillywilly (Apr 18, 2004)

Oh Kizzie so sorry this has happened but like the others I feel you have done the right thing. Take time out and take care. 
Love Gill


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## Lou W (Nov 1, 2005)

Kizzie,

So sorry to hear you're feeling so down and anxious. 
You have without doubt done the absolutely right thing, and I'm sure that in doing that you will only have shown that you are strong and honest enough to be a wonderful adoption candidate when you feel ready to move forward with it again. I'm sure that SS will only be impressed with your honesty. 

So far as feeling better, have you considered some alternative therapy as oppose to medication? I know this is not for everyone so it's only a thought, but that could be anything from counselling to hypnotherapy/accupuncture/reflexology... anything at all. 

I have taken ADs before and I have to say they only caused more problems. A lot of my problems were anxiety based, and the best thing I ever did was to work with a man who deals with your paraconscious part of the mind. I am happy to talk to you more about what I know regarding this, IM me if you ever want to. Or you could always look into finding someone similar. 

Most of all though sending you massive ((hugs)) support and love

Lou xxx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

sorry to hear how you are feeling kizzie - for what its worth i agree with the others - you have done the right thing and u need to be feeling 100% to take on a little un'.  Your time will come my darling.  keep in touch xx


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## kizzie (Jun 2, 2005)

Dear all - thankyou so much for alll your messages.

Its been a very difficult day but I know deep down that ive done the right thing.

The one thing that has cheered me up today is reading about all the good news on the board.

For all of you just meeting your new children - I am so so so pleased for you.  make the most of all these precious moments.

Lots of love

Kizziexx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Kizzie,
What a rough few days I am sorry to hear all this. Give your two beautiful boys a big cuddle and have abit of pampering for a while.
PS I really think you have done the right thing
Love JD x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Kizzie, so sorry to hear you're going through a rough time.  You've been so brave and honest about what is happening and it's good that the SWs respect that.

As you say your application is only on hold and one day we'll be reading about your good news.

Take care
Cindy


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I saw you posted on Adoption UK as well (snap!) and just wanted to wish you good luck... obviously it's very stressful!


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

So sorry to hear your news.
Just have some time to with your boys.
I think you have been very strong to be so honest about this, and I am sure your SW will look at this as a positive thing to have done.
Take care
Love Jo
x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Kizzie

I think you should hold your head up high because however much we want our dreams the person who matters most in an adoption is the child and you have shown that you have put them first you have definitely done the right thing for both you and any child you would be matched with.

Your health is really important and you need to get you back to some normality to be able to deal with the next steps.

I work with someone who too had a bad withdrawel from seroxat.  He is now fine and is coping much better with the help of a specialist counselling group of people in the same situation as himself.  I hope that you find the support you need and can find some course of treatment to assist you.

Sending you some hugs
Karen x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Kizzie

So sorry to hear you're feeling down. I was taking Seroxat for a while a long time ago, but didn't suffer panic attacks until a few years later, leading up to tx.

You have been so brave, and honest, and so done the right thing. You will feel upset by the panel being delayed, but you would have felt full of dread and even more pressure and anxiety, if you'd had not said anything.
Concentrate on getting yourself 100% and then go and get 'em girl!

This little bit of time for you now, will be rewarded ten-fold with a lifetime of happiness when you get your pot of gold. It's there waiting for you, when you're ready.

Take care
xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

kizzi, sending you a huge hug.
xxx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Just wanted to send you a big cyber hug as well... I hope you are feeling your old self soon and you can pick up from where you left off.. 

Best of luck to you xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Kizzie, sorry to read about your situation hun, well done for being honest with yourself and and sw's. I hope you start to feel better about it all soon, and hopefully it wont be too long before you are back on track  

kj x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Kizzie,

I admire you for making what must have been a hard decision.  It is important that you concentrate on getting yourself well.

Sending you huge ((((((hugs)))))).

Laine


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Kizzie, I admire you greatly for being so strong. You will come through this. Take care.
Love
WELSHY XXXXXXXXXXXX


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