# comparing children



## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Just wondered if I am a bit 'mad'.  I seem to be constantly comparing Bubbles to other children of her age/stage to see if she is better/worse/the same as them developmentally.  It isn't 'obsessive' but i find myself doing it more and  more as i get to know other mums and kids at toddler groups. To make it worse we seem to know a lot of 'uber' advanced' toddlers who are bilingual and swimming, can count to ten and able to sing etc at aged2 when bubbles can only just put two words together and spash about in the toddler pool!

Maybe it is because i know she is delayed and want to somehow feel it is better than it is (or is getting better) or maybe it is just something all mums and dads do?

Does anyone else do this?  how do you stop yourself?

magenta xx 
(who is a very proud mummy irrespective of the abilities of her daughter)


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Magenta,
I know exactly what you mean, I constantly ask are they doing this and that about other children. I think it is a parent thing as opposed to an adoptive parent thing although maybe we are more sensitive about the whole developmental thing as our children haven't had the start to life that many other children we meet do and for some it's catch up time.
I had a comment from a friend yesterday that Sunshine lights up the room when she is in it! I think our children are rather special to be honest they are little fighters and I know how proud you are of Bubbles. I think we will all continue to worry because we are Mummies and that's our job!!! 
Love to you and Bubbles
JD x


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## honeyprincess (Jun 6, 2006)

Hi
I hope u dont mind me intruding!

I have been reading the adoption board recently to find out 'reallife' information on the adoption process, as it is something my dp feels strongly about and to be honest, the more i think about it the more i feel i would love to adopt.

Anyway in answer to your post....i also agree with Jilldill....its a parent thing, and every parent i know does it, camparing your child's developement is a 'normal' thing (i hope cuz i do it!), even My dp's mother does it with her grandchildren!!

Take care
Hope to talk you soon
Love Laura xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi

The thing to remember is that every child is an individual and will progress at their own rate.

In order to progress from their development level they are at to the next level they must all go through the same process of learning new skills etc. some progress quicker than others.  Some children are quick learners and others need a little bit of help on their way.

The thing is to try not to compare, bubbles may be a little bit delayed but from everything you have previously said she has come on in leaps and bounds since she has been with you & that is down to the love and care that you have given her.

PARENTS are the best educators of their children & with out you knowing it you will be teaching her new skills all the time.  For example she will see you being polite to people and she will pick up on this kind of behaviour, she may see you picking up the phone to dial a friend and she may copy your actions on a pretend phone she may have.

Sorry I could go on and on................my first assignment was all about child development and I got an A for it................I don't know it all by far but the one thing I have learned is that all children are individuals and will progress at their own level.

Just carry on being the good parent that you are! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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