# White couple with mixed race baby due to IVF blunder



## emak (Jan 21, 2008)

Have a look at this ladies ,scary or what ,it really doesnt surprise me with the RFC ,sad thing is us N.I girls only have this clinic for NHS treatment 
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1192717/Why-I-dark-daddy-The-white-couple-mixed-race-children-IVF-blunder.html


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## BABY2 (Nov 28, 2007)

what a sad story, I feel so sorry for these children being brought up in such an ignorant and racist community! how dare the waiter ask whether their son "was with them"??!!! I have never heard of such a thing in my life! we live in a day and age where family dynamics are so varied, what about people who adopt children from a variety of backgrounds and countires? and for them to be called ni****r or pa**, it just makes my blood boil! I can understand how devastating it can be and is for these parents but they have had these children for a long time now and need to get their priorities right...why are they suffering and allowing their children to suffer by living somewhere like that, where there is no tolerance or respect for them or their children!!! 
They are absolutely right in seeking legal advice as the clinic does need to be accountable for their mistakes.

I remember when we were having treatment in Poland, and even thought we were using our own eggs/sperm, we kept thinking what if something like this happened and the wrong embryos were transferred and we got an all white child (DH is African-American)...
funnily enough our daughter has turned out really white ( we had no treatment-only metformin) and even though people always take a double look at this big black guy holding a little white baby    no one has ever said anything, and quite frankly if they did I'd tell them it was none of their business....what this couple need to realize is that they don't owe anyone any explanations!!! 

I pray this couple stay together and continue to love each other and their gorgeous babies, as they truly are a blessing, and start to think about ways to make life better and comfortable for themselves and certainly for their kids.


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## PinkPeacock (Nov 9, 2006)

Hmm, I've got really mixed feelings reading this. Yes, the clinic were negligent. When a donor is being used the clinic should conform with the wishes of the parents regarding the race, colouring and features of the donors. They have made a mistake and it is having a serious affect on people's lives so they should be held to account. 

But, none of us know what our kids will turn out like. If we could it would be called a designer baby. I'll have a blonde girl with blue eyes, high IQ and an althletic build please.      It seems to me that the father has issues over needing to use donor sperm. I can't understand things like paying in cash just in case someone goes through his bank details and reaises. IVF isn't shameful but it seems his main problem is other people knowing his shameful little secret. 

I really think they're making a mistake not telling the children/ the fact the kid is repeatedly asking questions shows that he knows something is up and is thinking about it.  Just tell the boy! 

I do sympathyse with them but still feel that they're making a lot of the problems themselves.


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

Well,

    The clinic were very negligent BUT..... Does it really matter 

    My brother who we adopted when he was 12 months is black..We are white. My parents NEVER got any of those comments that
    these parents say they have got, We lived in privileged areas & only got the same looks where we lived as any black
    people would get being where we lived from NARROW MINDED IGNORANT PEOPLE.
      

    Like he says, he loves his children so why is he so unsure what to tell them. I guess he was never going to tell them that they were 
    not his biological children & because of their or their future grandchildren he is now going to have to tell them but as far as
    I can tell that is the only drawback about this situation.

    They are healthy beautiful children that they are lucky to have.

    Katy.


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## chloe99 (Aug 27, 2008)

Yes, I too think it is donor sperm issues and incredible religious and social tension for that particular family.  My husband is v dark Asian, I am white and my children are pure white.  People don't seem to bat a eyelid when they see big brown bloke carrying around white fair haired children!

It is unfortunate for the children that the family hadnt intended ot tell them about their donor origins, as that would have made it all 100% OK in the little boys eyes.


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

What beats me is their decision to go to the press and complain about it. How would this be received by the children in later years when they look back at press cuttings. Personally I think they should move to England where there is generally more tolerance and just get on with their lives. ( I am from NI, I know too well what its like- also see news on the persecution of Romanian families in the last few days- hence this is why I will never ever return to live there). They have a lovely family and sooner or later the 'public' will get over the 'discrepancy' that largely exists only in their heads.


roze


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Gotta say that I agree with PC. Yes the hospital fouled up and badly but most of the problems now are due to them not wanting to tell the kids that they are the product of donor sperm. What's worse is the daughter "passes" for white but the son doesn't but it doesn't seem as though they're making any effort to let the children nknow that there is NO difference between them, even if one of them looks a little different.

I have to wonder whether they had any counselling at all before going for the donor option. It doesn't sound like it to me... going to all those lengths to hide it. Fancy being so para about it that you pay cash for the tx 

Yes it's a shame that DS is getting so much grief because they apparently live in a community of very narrow minded people, but it seems to me that the couple are quite narrow minded themselves. They are damaging both of these children by not simply explaining to them the truth of where they've come from and why DD and DS are different colours.

I can understand the urge to keep it a secret (although I would never do that if I ended up using DE, I would definitely tell the children, it's nothing to be ashamed of!) but in this instance the cat is well and truly out of the bag and trying to pretend that everything is okey-dokey when clearly it isn't is only going to make the situation worse...

I just hope the parents can get some decent counselling and can bring themselves to be honest with their children before any permanent damage is done.

xxx


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hi Shaz

I have to say that you're right in that you find racists everywhere and I hope that everyone here knows that _those _people are the exception rather than the rule. One of my (Jamaican) Dad's best mates is a white guy from NI (ooh, I'm a poet and I didn't know it ). He invited my parents to his wedding (in Jamaica  ) and my dad is his oldest son's Godfather.

We've been over there to visit several times and I can say with all honesty that everybody we met, without exception, was just as lovely and warm and welcoming as they could be! And funny as hell too!

Big up to the Carrickfergus posse!!!


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

I'm not apologising or withdrawing my comments.  I grew up in NI and lived there for 20 years. I still have family there, in Carrickfergus, oddly enough. Educated people there  can be very nice to people of colour however this usually changes when they become more of a permanent fixture. 
I was responding to the comments from the parents who are finding it hard to find acceptance there. I truly think they would be happier living in a more diverse community that doesn't want to poke its nose into your business all the time and which can be more accepting and tolerant of a rainbow family. You do find racists everywhere, but NI has more than its fair share, as was publicly revealed when Belfast applied to be city of Culture. It was turned down largely for its. what shall we say, lack of enthusiasm for diversity and pro diversity policies. Having had friends from Sikh and Hindu communities and known their experiences as teenagers and young adults, I do seriously think they ought to consider emigration if they want their children to have a happy life.


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

To Roze and Shaz

I'm sorry that you have such a negative view of the place that you grew up Roze, but I'm really pleased to be able to say that my experience of NI was very positive. Furthermore I can quite categorically state that the attitude of my Dad's mate and his family was completely genuine and wouldn't change even if we were to move in permanently next door.

To draw a line under this - which seems to have turned into a debate of which country is the most racist - each of us can only speak from our own experiences! Which is why I do understand what you're saying Roze. Yes there are ignorant, racist people out there; unfortunately, they are EVERYWHERE in every country. But they are the exception and NOT the rule which is why I understand Shaz's response.

Personally, I do think it's slightly over the top to completely condemn an entire nation because of the actions of a few idiots! I believe the attacks against the Romanians were traced to 2 teenage boys? Hardly representative of the population of NI... Also please note, it was in _England _that the BNP gained seats in the recent European election and that was in those parts of the country where there are large numbers of ethnic minorities...

I think you've both put your points across very clearly but I also think we've gotten away from the subject at hand, which I feel is more to do with concerns about the procedures at the clinic and what appears to be a lack of counselling for couples considering donor gametes... There is clearly an element of racism in the way this couple's son is being treated by his neighbours and his peers but that is another matter, probably better discussed elsewhere.

To my mind, the point is that the issue would never have arisen if the clinic had followed procedures and the husband might not have been quite so reluctant to admit to using Donor Sperm if he'd been given the right counselling in the first place.

I hope nobody is offended by my musings and that we can continue to discuss the matter at hand without it turning into a debate based purely on race.

Love to all!
xxx


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