# How to offer myself as a surrogate to some one TTC????



## 1st-pink-baby (Sep 8, 2011)

Hi,

Im new to this board, my name is Jenni. I have 2 children myself, C is a 5 year old boy and J is a 3 year old girl. But before I had my children I was TTC for 2 years, with miscarriages along the way. Once I gave birth to C I vowed that I would try my best to help others in the future by being a surrogate one day.

I have recently found out from a family member that my partners cousin has been told that she will never be able to carry a baby to term and has just been through a very difficult miscarriage missing the legal milestone of 24 weeks by days 

I would like to offer myself as a surrogate to them, but I dont know how to do it sensitively I was told about their problems, not in confidence as such, but it is hardly public knowledge. As I dont know them very well they probably dont even know that I know....so how can I bring this up with them

Thanks in advance for any advice


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hello & Welcome and what a lovely thing to want to offer to do for someone else, do you know anything about surrogacy as yet? IMHO I think you need to research first and find out all that is involved even b4 you think of offering to help them, I say this because if something 'came up' you were unaware of after offering to help it would be devestating for you all for you to then not want to carry on with helping them. I would just like you to find out about it all first, if you already have done then I apologise (I am only trying to help havign been thru it myself) x

As to how to mention to offer help, I think given the sensitive nature I would maybe start the converstation with how are you, sorry about your loss, I can't imagine how you must be feeling, have you thought about adoption or surrogacy? Not in that way or order necessarily but I always feel it's best to mention it in chat to gage how she/they may feel about the subject, given the sad loss and I don't know how recent it is or indeed if you do chat a bit atm, now may not be the right time, but am sure you will know when it is, I think it might be best to see how they feel about it (tho I'm sure they will be blown away by your kindness) x

You intially really need to know that they meet the requirements of a parental order and find a clinc that will 'do host surrogacy if they will be using their own embies and of course the costs involved nif they wished to go down this route with a clinic.

I'm happy to answer Q's for you and help where I can as will others on here, feel free to pm me if you'd rather and I apologise if I have said too much/not enough. x


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## 1st-pink-baby (Sep 8, 2011)

Hi,

Thank you so much for your response. You have raised many things, some I have thought about (like whether they will be using their own embies or whether I will also be an egg donor) and others I haven't. It will be great to be able to speak to some one from the other side of things as things progress 

Off to do some research!!!  

Thanks,

Jenni


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hi Jennie,
glad I could help a bit, good luck with the research, there's lots to find out about expenses, health, what to include in the agreement, etc etc etc happy to help more when you're ready


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,
I think it's absolutley brilliant that you want to offer to help your partners cousin but as someone who lost a baby at just over 24 weeks I would say give them a bit of time before you rush in with your great idea.
Losing our son was devastating for us as a couple and although I already knew and had thought a bit about surrogacy it was two years before we actually did something about it and joined SUK. We were no way ready before then and even when we did join we were still coming to terms with our son's death.
As Sam said obviously you need to check out your' own suitability and work out what you want from the experience before you offer to them. Surrogacy can be an extremely emotional experience and bring up all sorts of issues for both parties. My honest advice to you would be to check out surrogacy websites such as SUK surrogacyuk.org and get information and support from other surrogates before offering to help this couple.
Good Luck.
EJJB
x


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## 1st-pink-baby (Sep 8, 2011)

Hi,

Thank you both for your replies. Its great to hear your experiences, its hard to make a decision with only my point of view behind me! In regards to time I know that everything happened at least 6 months ago, but it will still be raw. Having gone through something similiar myself I can remember how I felt every time pregnancy and babies were mentioned after.

I would want to to wait until the end of next year to start trying to conceive from my point of view, as I have my own business and I need it to be more established so I can take more time off plus we have our own plans with expanding our family to think about too.

But i would not want to wait until then to mention it to them, as I dont know whether they are upset about not knowing which way to go or whether they are considering looking at different options because using an un-known surrogate is not for them.

The next difficulty i have is that because i dont know exactly what their "problem" is, it is hard to know how i could be a part of their solution...whether I will end up being an egg donor, a surrogate with my eggs (either at a clinic or at home) or a surrogate with their embies?!?!? So i am trying to research 4 different routes and get my head around how I will feel with each different scenario.

Thanks again for your advice


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