# IVF - BFN FEELING SO FED UP AND UPSET



## sonia7 (Feb 9, 2007)

Hi

I had a BFN yesterday, just before I did the test AF arrived so knew that it had not worked. The test was just to confirm it didn't work.

I had my rant and temper tantrum before I went to work yesterday, and all the colleagues were waiting patiently for my news, they knew from my facial expression it had not worked, then their sad faces made me upset again. I decided to be focused on my work so did everything and anything to stop me from thinking about my loss. I work in a day hospital with the elderly and mainly do groupwork activities. My colleagues did not get a look in yesterday as I did the groups etc, they might as well had a day off. I was that focused on my work, I completely forgot to ring up the hospital to let them know of my BFN. So will have to ring them up on Monday now.

I was okay yesterday during the day at work and was okay in the evening, Last night, we (me and DH) got the alcohol out, ate chocolate and even booked a holiday to spain for 2 weeks in July 07.

But today I feel like an emotional wreck. My AF pains are worse today, feel sick (although that could be from the beer and chocolates last night) and very tearful, just feeling extremely fed up.

Although this is our first attempt of IVF, in the past I have had three failed IUI, four IUI in total, one of our IUI was a BFP but my little girl Bethany died when i was 23 weeks pregnant. I miss her so much. I have had 6 months of Clomid when we first started fertility treatment back in 2004 and we are diagnosed with unexplained infertility - I still say there is something wrong with me.

I keep thinking of the lyrics in this song - at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again ! But in my case its trying again again again and again. 

I am a person that never gives up, it took me nine goes to pass my driving test. But I have always had to work hard for things, just for once I would like something to happen without having to work hard for it. But it looks like that won't happen. Sorry that sounds like me me me.

Anyway sorry for the rant.

Thankyou for listening

Sonia x


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## lizziek (Feb 23, 2006)

Oh Sonia, I'm really really sorry about your BFN - I got mine 2 weeks ago and basically tried to go on as though nothing had happened but completely lost it whenever anyone was vaguely nice to me. 
Sometimes life is *°#***# unfair. You'll find your fight again soon but for now let yourself grieve and give your mind, body and spirit time to recover. 

It will get better.

Liz xxx


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## nicola.t (Oct 19, 2006)

sonia,

so sorry about your bfn hun. I know how you are feeling. I got my bfn last month and was totally devastated. Again this was only our first IVF but had also done the clomid and the IUI before hand, with no avail. I was slightly different though and didn't want things to move on as i felt guilty. I was only glad that I found out that it hadn't worked whilst i was on half term from school, as i just would not have been able to face my class without getting upset.

sending you a big   .

Like Liz said, just take time out to grieve and let your body recover.
love
nicola x


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## bodia (Apr 27, 2005)

Hi Sonia,

 So sorry to hear your story. You have been through an incredibly tough time, no wonder you are feeling so low.

I had 6 IUI's, all BFN, and then ist IVF was BFN in Jan. I threw myself into my new job (deputy head at a Pupil Referral Unit for excluded kids.) Work literally kept me going (and my kittens which I got 2 days before EC! )
But I felt down for a long long time. I didn't go out, hardly exercised, hardly saw friends. I was OK at work, but the rest of the time I felt empty and sad.

I think you have to give yourself time to grieve, at the end of the day, we had 2 embies put back and they died, so you have suffered a loss. Along with losing your little girl, that's an incredibly tough process to get through.

But, on the positive, people are amazingly resilitant, and eventually with the help of people on the fab website, you will begin to feel better. I am now d/r for my second IVF, and am going through all the hormonal surges again, but this website literally keeps me sane.

I also recommend a book by Alice Domar called "Coping with Infertility" (I think that's the name) It's not about how to get pg, but about how to cope with life whilst going through IF. I found it on the internet and it's v useful.

Thinking of you and sending love and strength,

xxx


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## Fionab (Aug 30, 2006)

Sonia

I'm really sorry about your BFN.  Its hard to accept and it does take so much time for it to sink in before you can start to get over it. I think the most important thing is not to rush your feelings or emotions, they are all understandable. 

We had our first IVF with EC at end of May but none of the eggs fertilised so it was disappointing.  I know how hard it is to tell people who know about the IVF the bad news, it makes it so hard to have to keep telling people.  I think for our next attempt we will tell less people.

I found this board was a great help to talk to other people in the same situation.

Take your time to grieve properly,
Fiona


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## cleo31 (Sep 24, 2006)

REally sorry hun to hear your BFN hun. Life is so crappy sometimes.  Sending you lots of       

Lots of love Cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisa1 (May 29, 2007)

Hallo

I have just read your notes below.....

My heart goes out to you but please keep your chin up and keep trying. Life is too short and you do what you can why you still have your health. I lost my mom recently and that taught me to live for the future not the past !!!!

I had embryo transfer on Friday and now have that 2 weeks waiting time.....
I had 2 embryos put back both at grade 2. One at 2 Cells and one at 5 Cells so fingers crossed hey !!!

Keep your chin up

Lisa1111 



sonia7 said:


> Hi
> 
> I had a BFN yesterday, just before I did the test AF arrived so knew that it had not worked. The test was just to confirm it didn't work.
> 
> ...


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## Delilah4 (Dec 3, 2006)

Sorry 2 hear of your loss. It hurts like xxxx. Just had 4th icsi. This last one in barcelona. Had bfn and now started period. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am still here alone barcelona as dh couldn't get all time off. Just want 2 be at home. I am fed up of trying 2 pick myself up. It is so sad 2 see so many others feeling this way. Everyone around seems 2 be having fun. I'm am just waiting 4 the hours to go by. Booked appointment monday at clinic to discuss doner eggs. Not ready emotionally 4 it but wanted 2 get practicalities done so wouldn't have 2 fly back.  big hug 2 all out there. Delilah 4


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## bengal (Mar 15, 2006)

We had our   on Friday following DE in Spain. I had been pretty negative about our chances in the beginning but by the second week I felt so grotty stomach pains etc I had convinced both of us we would have a positive result. 
I had a blood test so I had to phone from work to get the result and then spend the next 4 hours trying to hold it together before I got home.It was DH's birthday yesterday which I feel I ruined for him although we did go out for the day and followed by a meal out.

I don't feel so upset now however I feel empty and lack any motivation about anything. I know I will throw myself at my job and no doubt work long hours but it gives me a sense of purpose.

Reading many of the posts here I spotted a common theme cats - we now have 2 the first we got just after our failed IVF last year and our latest addition moved in with us 4 days ago. So as I type this I am refereeing the 2 of them fighting. I know these are not substitute babies especially when they catch frogs and birds but at least we feel a bit like a family.

DH wants us to get on with our next cycle - we are still hopefully on a waiting list for eg share at Oxford but I am not sure - I want to be free of fertility drugs for a while. Alternatively we wait until another donor is found in Spain but since our first one took 9 months e could be in for a long wait. I think I will feel better once we have our next steps planned even if we have to wait for a while.

Meanwhile we have to get on with our lives back to the mundane practicalities of life work,housework etc.

Actually now I have typed this I realise I don't feel so fed up as I thought I did so tI am sure hings will improve with time.

Bengal


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