# Worried for my sister who found out one of her tubes is blocked & swollen today*



## A_ Martin (Jan 18, 2008)

Hello

sorry to crash your site - my sister is 24 and has been trying for a baby for 18 months without success.  They started having tests a couple of months ago and up until today everything was coming back ok - her husband is fine and a scan seemed to show that she was "structurally sound" she went for an Hysterosalpingogram today and we were all fully expecting everything to come back fine.  But she had an horrendous time they wouldn't let her husband in the room with her because there wasn't "enough space" and then after a painful procedure she was told that her right tube is both blocked and swollen near the ovary.  They wouldn't give her any further information - they just told her she'd have to speak to her consultant at her next appointment - which isn't until the end of March!!  How can they make her wait so long?!! They don't have the internet at home and from what I've read tonight this may not be a bad thing.  

When she first told me I thought maybe it wasn't too bad - it's only one of her tubes, her womb seems to be fine, she's only 24 and her husbands sperm count is excellent.  But for the past couple of hours I've been getting increasingly concerned  - with every new internet article I read the situation seems more serious than I first thought (especially about the swelling).  What is likely to be the next step for them and is it usual to wait so long for a consultant appointment?  I sthere anything try can do to get things moving quicker?

I love my sister so much.  She is the loveliest person in the world and I'm so lucky to have her as a sister.  She has been there so much for me in the past - I look back at all the times I have cried on her shoulder about what seem now the most trivial things and I feel so helpless - I just wish there was something I could do or say to make things easier for her.

When I spoke to her earlier tonight  I felt as if she was putting on a brave face that there was this massive wall between us.  I know that a big part of this is the fact that I'm 6 months pregnant - and I know from what she has said to my mum that she wants my pregnancy to be an enjoyable and exciting experience (and it is) - I know that she is happy for me but I also know that it is making a difficult situation even more difficult - especially as I expectantly fell pregnant within 2 weeks of coming off the pill.  Because my sister had been trying for a while (& close friends of ours had been trying for 2 years) we hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.  My sisters husband's initial reacyion was an understandable "it's not fair" - and I feel so full of guilt - I would never knowingly hurt my sister and yet I know I have.  
When you look at our situations - my sister and her husband were far more prepared to be parents than us whereas I fell pregnant within 2 weeks of being married, lived in a small one bedroomed flat, with massive post wedding debts my sister and her husband have been married 2 years, own there own home, have a secure good income, plus most importantly they would both make fantastic parents and whereas my relationship hasn't been the most stable over the years (hence the crying on my sisters shoulder) theirs has always been completely solid.  

I'm sure I say the wrong thing all the time - I just want to be able to support my sister in the best way possible - and woul dlike to understand more how she is feeling - I'd appreciate any advice - on what I can do and also any advice I can pass onto them. I really would give anything to take her pain away - or to be able to help her through this difficult time.

Please help


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## datsy (Dec 26, 2007)

Hi there,
I can't offer any constructive advice, but I just wanted to say that that was a lovely post. You mustn't feel guilty - I know that I find it easier being happy for people that I know and care about, being pregnant than the random strangers in the street (they're the ones whose eyes I want to poke out ). Your sister is happy for you - and I don't blame her, it's obvious from your words how much you love her - and that really is the most important thing. Just talk to her, tell her what you've said here and she will understand. She's a lucky girl to have you in her life.

In terms of having to wait for an explanation, I would just be persistent - keep phoning and try and get a cancellation or earlier appointment. I'm sure there'll be plenty of people along to talk about tubal things. All the best to you and your sis and fingers crossed for a little cousin for your bump.  

love, datsy xxx


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Hi, I too can't offer any advice (I'm sure there'll be others who can though)  I just wanted to say how lucky your sister is to have such a loving sister who thinks so much of her!!

Good luck with your pregnancy, and I hope your sister gets a BFP herself real soon xx


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## butterflykisses (Oct 28, 2007)

hi a martin
              so sorry to here about your sis,my right tube is blocked i had the same scan that your sis has had it kills no one was allowed in the room with me.the consultant told me i still could get preg naturally but i didn't and i had a small op to see if they could unblock it but no luck.i then went on clomid for a while to produce more eggs but no luck with that,then consultant said our only option was then ivf.just had my first go at ivf in nov 07 but sadly i had a negative,just going to start my second go next week.

best of luck for your sister tell her to try not to worry to much there is a chance yet they might be able to unblock it ui know it's harder said than done      .

get her to join ff her self she might find it helps her along the way on her journey to having a baby .

              luv mariexx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello A_Martin, welcome to Fertiltiy Friends. 

What a fab sister you are.  I don't think my brothers (even my twinnie) would do this for me even if I asked!

Please try not to read Worst Case Scenario into everything you read on the internet. It's hard I know, especially when you want to be prepared but one blocked tube is one blocked tube and there's a reason why nature designed us with two - just for such an eventuality. I also have a blocked tube on just one side, and my main concern was always if I ovulated on that side the egg would not be able to go anywhere but, I was told, the egg can be caught and travel down the opposite tube to the ovary that released it so one tube down doesn't decrease your chances of natural conception as much as you might think (although might mean it takes longer and more planning involved). 
The HSG ican be a very uncomfortable experience and, from what you say, it sounds about right. There's not a great deal you can do about the waiting lists unless you want to pay out and go private but then, I think you are probably better waiting and getting what you can on the NHS because, should she need it, fertility treatment does not come cheap privately. 
I cannot say what the cons will advise next as they all have their own ways and interpret the NICE guidlines in their own ways...  She may well be booked in for a lapsroscopy to investigate the tubal swelling in more detail and actions taken as a result of that. However her cons might just decide to give her natural cycle a boost with some clomid which can and does work - even though of the people replying to you here marie and myself have not had any luck with it (in my case due to lots of other reasons).

In terms of how to handle your sister at the moment, it's probably a good idea to have a look aroudn the site at how some other ladies on here feel about pregnant people all around them. It's very frustrating, especially when it is a family member and it must be so hard for you to know that and to try not to say the wrong thing. However I think you're a fab sister for being this concerned for her and wanting to make things right for her so the best advice I can give is to try not to give loads of unwanted advice (perhaps, if you find anything useful, print it off and give it to her to read, rather than trying to tell her as she can then choose to read it or not). Try and reassure her that, if she is struggling with your pregnancy, it's ok and you will understand. Bear in mind that, in her frustrating situation, she may not think or act rationally all the time and might, sometimes seem to reject you or the baby (when he/she is born) but that's ok because she does not mean that and it's just a way of dealing with feelings that many ladies going thorugh IF have. Just try to be that - understanding, sympathetic and a great sister! 
You might want to check out the Relationships board as there are quite a few ladies who have posted there about how they feel about pg or new mums among friends and relatives so I think it will give you a good insight into what it feels like to struggle to conceive. You probably can't see the Relationships board just yet as you need to have made a few posts before you can, so have a scout around, post about a bit asking questions and the area will open up to you. You could also check out the Moving On area as this gives a good insight into the feelings she might be experiencing (by all means browse but please do not post there though as, understandably the are really isn't a place for people who are pregnant!)

Here's a few links you might want to check out:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know ~ * *CLICK HERE*

*Words, Meanings & Jargon ~ *CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Girl & Boy Community FUN board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Sending lots of luck to your sister. Would be great if she could get on to FF herself at some point as I think she will find it a great place to chat to others in her situation.

C~x


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hiya

How about buying her a special card and writing some of the things in it that you put in your post? 

It is something she can keep and re read when having difficult times, my sister sent me a card in with some lovely stuff in that she would never say to my face and it was so thoughtful and nice, it made my week  

Good luck on your pregnancy and tell your sister to come and have a look at this site if she can, it has been a godsend to me and I have met some of the most wonderful friends on this site.

Take care xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi

Welcome to Fertility Friends!

I just wanted to echo what the other girls have said - you truly are a fabulous sister!  I know how guilty you must feel, my sister has had two children in the time we've been trying (unsuccessfully) for one!  I know she has found it hard to tell me she's pg each time (and I suspect we might get a third announcement this year!) but I honestly have been so thrilled for her and I love her as much as you love your sister.  I dote on my neice and nephew as does my Dh and we just focus our efforts on completely spoiling her kids!   I'm sure your sister is genuinely pleased for you, even if it is a bitter-sweet pill for her to swallow.

I agree with Caz you can frighten yourself to death with what you read on internet hun, so try to keep what you read in perspective!  There are lots of reasons for the symptoms you describe and not all of them are horrendous or unsolvable!

Caz has left you some good links so I hope you find your way around here easily.  Just  remember you've nothing to feel guilty about and you are going to provide her with a gorgeous neice and nephew to completely ruin just as we do! 

Take care

Axxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  A Martin   
There isn't much I can add that has not already been said, I have no Sisters personally, but I know how much Ive struggled in the past with SIL's and best friends, I would strongly suggest watching the Empty Arms video clip at the top of this board, and the Warning this will make you cry on the G&B board. you could prehaps ask your sister to watch them with you when shes next at yours.
I think your sister will find find it hard whilst you are pregnant, so keep little details to the minimum if you can, & just keep her up to date on the big milestones, then when baby arrives your sister will be an amazing Auntie and you will wonder if there really was tension while you were pregnant, I was actually at tyhe birth of my Nephew, and as strange as it sounds It was an amazing experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your sisters *clinic/hospital* aas this may give you more insight as to what to expect next.

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask! 
~Dizzi~


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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