# Karen M's Adoption Story



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

We started trying to conceive shortly after our first wedding anniversary in July 2000.  After many months of trying we went to see our GP.  We were first referred to the hospital consultant by our GP in August 2001 and had our first appointment with him on 30th November 2001.  At that time I had had some blood tests done at my local GP surgery and my husband had done one semen analysis, which we were told showed a low count.  When we met with our consultant, he advised us that he wished to conduct some further tests and would then determine our best options.  

At the time of our appointment, I was in the process of changing jobs, and so we advised our consultant that we did not wish to commence any treatment until April 2002.  A further appointment was arranged for 5th April 2002.

As 5th April 2002 approached, we were contacted and advised that due to the relocation of the Gynaecology Outpatients Department that our appointment was to be cancelled and we were given a new date of 17th May 2002.  

Just prior to our appointment on 17th May 2002, I experienced what I believed at that time was a miscarriage.  I went to my GP and explained my symptoms and she concurred that there was every possibility that this could have happened.  The only thing I hadn’t got was a pregnancy test to prove either way.

We then attended our appointment with our consultant and I explained to him what had happened.  Our consultant became very aggressive towards me and would not listen to what I had to say.  Given the outcome of our situation it is clear why this was.  He advised us that our only option was to have ICSI but to satisfy us, he asked my husband to do another semen analysis and arranged for me to have an internal ultrasound.

After a 2 month wait, I decided to write to him as we had not heard anything and wished to pursue whichever treatment was appropriate.  I asked him to confirm our results and if the situation was still the same, to also refer us to our chosen clinic to undergo private treatment.

After weeks of phone calls and letters we finally received our referral letter for Midland Fertility Services.  We had our first appointment with Midland Fertility Services on 9th September 2002.  We discussed our previous test results and determined how we would proceed.  Midland Fertility Services wished us to repeat our tests, blood tests and ultrasound for me, and semen analysis for my husband.  We completed these tests and then we went back to the clinic on 25th October 2002 to discuss the results.

To say the outcome of this meeting was a shock to us is an understatement.  So far we had determined that there were some minor issues with me and that my husband had a low sperm count, neither of which would prevent us from attempting ICSI treatment.  The results we got from that appointment showed the following:

1)	Blood tests for me revealed that I had a low ovarian reserve for a woman of my age.  Our consultant had never done this test.  However this alone would not preclude us from treatment.

2)	My husband’s semen analysis had come back with a zero count.

We explained to the nurse the previous results we had had and asked for reasons why it may show as a zero count.  We agreed that in order to determine the answers my husband would do another analysis and have some blood tests done to check his inhibin B levels and hormones.  An appointment was then made to go back to the clinic on 18th November 2002, a day I will never forget.

The fateful day arrived.  We knew that if the count came back as zero again that we had some options, if viable my husband could have TESA to surgically remove sperm (if they were present), we could have ICSI but use donor sperm, or we could look to adopt.

We prepared ourselves to hear the worst and decided that we would not opt for the use of donor sperm, I felt that I could not carry a baby (if treatment was successful) that was not my husbands.  We therefore agreed that if treatment were not possible then we would start our journey to adoption.  If anything else came out of the appointment then it would be a bonus.

We met with Sarah our Fertility Nurse and she told us the results.  My husband’s sample had again shown a zero count.  The reason for this was that his hormone level was so low that he could not physically produce any sperm.  There was no way that we could have our own baby.  

Admittedly we were upset, our dreams had been shattered.  However the underlying feeling we had was anger.  Anger that we needn’t have got this far. We had endured so much in the months that had preceded this day.  Given the information we now had, we knew that there was no way previous tests my husband had had done whilst we were under the consultant could have shown anything other than a zero count.

It appears that we had been lied to for all those months because our consultant at the hospital had not been brave enough to tell us the truth and shatter our dreams.  

In February 2003 we started the adoption process.  We had a home visit by a social worker that month and she confirmed that we were to be accepted to progress our application.

In April 2003 we were offered a place on a preparation course but were not able to attend due to my 30th birthday celebrations meaning we were not in the country.  We then had to wait until June 2003 before we did the course.  We both found it really interesting and my husband contributed far more than I had imagined he would.  We were told that we would be allocated a Social Worker fairly soon after but did not hear anything for a while.  We then found out that the Local Authority had had an influx of 5 – 8 uear olds and that as we were not looking to adopt this age of child that we would be put down the list a bit.

In September 2003 we were allocated a Social Worker but within days of making our first appointment, he went on long term sick.  We contacted the local authority and after much wrangling got allocated another Social Worker, but the earliest we could start our home study was November 2003.  

We couldn’t have wished for a better Social Worker.  We hit it off really well and progressed quickly through our home study completing everything in February 2004.  We then went to panel on 22nd April 2004.  It was really daunting walking in to the room on that day and seeing a sea of faces (none of whose name we can remember!).  We were asked about 3 or 4 questions and were then asked to leave the room while the panel decided.  Within 10 minutes we were brought back in and told we had been approved for 2 children aged 0-3, at least one being a boy.

We waited for about three months before we were contacted by our Social Worker and advised of a possible match, however the match was with two girls, (aged 8 months and 20 months) which was not what we had been approved for.  However, our Social Worker explained that there was a real likeness between us and the girls and that the circumstances of their adoption could not be anymore straight forward.  Having got the details, I was fine with the match, but it was my husband who really wanted a boy.  We agreed to think about it over the weekend and then decided to proceed.

It was then arranged for us to meet with the children’s Social Worker.  A meeting was arranged and we asked all of the questions we needed to, we just couldn’t wait to meet them and get to the stage where we could bring them “home”.  Shortly after that it was confirmed that they wanted to proceed.  We received photo’s of what would be our girls and it was agreed to arrange a meeting with the foster parents.  At the time, the girls had not been freed for adoption and so matching panel could not happen until this took place.

We met with the Foster Parents in August 2004 but it wasn’t until the October that matching panel took place.  We were approved at matching panel on  28th October 2004 and I will never forget the day that we met our girls.  Our eldest on our first visit came straight up and called us Mummy and Daddy, her foster brothers had been reading our family album to her and she recognised our photo.  Our youngest seemed so tiny and it was beyond our wildest dreams to have been matched to children so young.  Our first little girl moved in on 8th November 2004 and her sister on 9th December 2004.  

We then legally adopted them on 21st October 2005.  Things haven’t always been plain sailing, but I would not be without my girls and I am grateful for every day that they are with us.  They have really enriched our lives and we have no regrets about choosing the adoption option.


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## Angie07 (May 30, 2007)

Hi Karen

I have just been reading your wondreful story,my husband also has a zero sperm count so we are now considering our options so it has been great to read your story,good luck for the future with your 2 girls,

luv

Angie


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

hi karen

what a long journey, its so frustrating isnt it? Im so pleased youve come to the end of the journey, and youve got your lovley daughters

xx


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## mummy22girls (Jan 17, 2007)

what a wonderful read, i am so pleased for you!! xx


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