# If one more person...



## Lisa H (Feb 2, 2005)

...............................says "Oh, my friend had fertility problems, and fell immediately second time, you'll be fine!"  

I'm fairly open nowadays about the fact we had problems the first time - reckon if anything it helps other people to open up if they want to. But when people ask if we'll have any more and I say we'd love to, but will just be blessed with our little one if it's not possible, people make it seem as if I'm virtually guaranteed to fall again immediately and am being pretty negative. I know they only mean well, but I'm getting a little fed up of hearing how easy it's going to be next time, maybe I'll start replying more vaguely 

And does anyone have any better idea? I know it's _meant_ to be easier the second time - that eg PCOS and endo can get better during/after pregnancy (how long for, though...?). Other people say your body supposedly seems to learn how to be PG, and it's suddenly really easy. But does anyone know anything for sure about how much more likely it is, or the numbers of people who simply can't fall when they try again? I almost feel like I'm getting my hopes up too easily.

Love to all, Lisa x


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## Julz (Sep 20, 2005)

Hi Lisa,

I know exactly how you feel, some people just don't know when to shut up.  I prayed that DH's swimmers would actually get swimming and I would fall pregnant naturally after having DD in April 05 however nothing happened so we had another crack at ICSI and it amazingly worked for us again, twins due in May/June.

You've got to remember though that everyone's bodies are different and who knows you may be lucky enough to fall pregnant naturally, it does happen.  I remember a girl on another chat forum who had twins through ICSI and fell pregnant naturaly pretty quick after giving birth to the twins.  I'm sure there's plenty of more success stories out there too.

Please fell free to join us ladies on the ANOTHER MIRACLE thread, we're a nice bunch and it's always nice to have support from people who know what you are going through.

Julie


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## Chamomile (Jan 5, 2007)

Yes, I've heard this as well, even from my GP! But for me, I'm afraid, it's akin to that other old chestnut, 'if you just stop worrying about getting pregnant, it will just happen'. I mean it's easy said, but when you've been trying for however long, it doesn't really mean much. Although having said that, miracles do happen. I think the whole conception thing is a real mystery and nobody knows why some people who have experienced infertility end up conceiving, or sometimes why they don't when they should. Good luck anyway hun x


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## fragile (Mar 6, 2006)

Hi Lisa

i had heard it was supposed to be easier as your body had learnt through the first pregnancy, unfortunately after 5 times of trying for a sibling i have had to accept it will never be but i know that there are plenty of people who are successful. i currently have 2 friends who are pregnant, one on only her first attempt since her child so she was really lucky.  i too am sick of people saying "oh well it might happen naturally..."  i want to say "only if i run off and have sex with someone else...!"  i am so sick of slapping that false smile on my face and pretending that they are offering words of wisdom...GRRRR!

wishing you lots of luck 

mo x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

I couldn't believe how many midwives said it to me!  
My community midwife was away when M was born so I saw a different one each time for his post birth health checks...... not only was it 
a) a bit early to be thinking about another!!  - I had literally just given birth  
it was
b) totally insensitive - none of them knew WHY i'd done IVF, I might not have had any tubes or it could have been male factor for all they knew.....

so cheeky  

Claire x


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## Cuthbert (Oct 3, 2003)

Well, we fall under the statistic of those who have never managed to fall pregnant naturally. We tried for 5 years before our first cycle and were told that we had possible male factor, although there was no obvious reason to the medical profession as to why I wasn't falling pregnant. So after a successful ICSI cycle, it was almost expected by everyone that we'd get that natural miracle. Interestingly, after almost 4 years of trying for a third baby, we finally had tests that showed that it was almost impossible for DH to father a child without intervention so we felt as though we'd been given false hope previously.

Hoping that you have more luck than us.

Jules


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## Betty M (Dec 6, 2005)

I have never to my knowledge fallen pregnanct naturally.  I was lucky to get pregnant my first IVF cycle and thought it would be easy 2nd time round. One m/c and one failed cycle later I was much less blase about it all.  I got lucky again but it was definitely harder 2nd time round for me. What I was told was that having a succesful IVF or any pregnancy behind you made the IVF stats go very much in your favour as you were proven to have overcome implantation/carrying a pregnancy issues. 

That said I now know 5 people who have had natural BFPs after going through various combinations of failed /miscarried and successful IVF cycles - 3 of these were people who were just going into a new cycle when they fell. So there is a reason for all those urban legends.  A friend who is a fertility doc says it is a well known phenomenon - what it seems to come down to is a combination of being subfertile rather than infertile (something the bl**dy bystanders and helpful assvise givers cant tell from the outside) and your lucky no coming up plus the body knowing what to do. 

I hope you get to be an urban legend.
Betty


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## Lisa H (Feb 2, 2005)

Lots of more reasoned ideas, thank you girlies  At least I know I'm not the only one to be told that all the time, and also that if we do have problems next time, I'm not the only one  There are so many individual factors and - as Claire said - it can be a bit insensitive for people to generalise, they never know the real likelihood of you falling again. I'm still really hopeful it will be easier next time round, but you just never know with any of this, do you.

Good luck to all of you    xx


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

I think it very much depends on the reason you needed tx in the first place. Obviously if you have no tubes or its to do with sperm for example, being pregnant isn't going to miraculously cure this so no, a miracle isn't possible. However, for those that are unexplained or PCOS etc, it can happen and there have been quite a few on here recently who have had a 'miracle' 2nd BFP. As you can see from my profile we were ttc for nearly 7 years before our first BFP yet only on metformin for 3 months before the second.

Having said all that it doesn't change the fact that some comments are well and truly out of order! We had years of people asking us when we were going to have children (we never told anyone we were having problems) and assumed it would all stop after having Jacob therefore I was shocked when the 'when are you having another' questions started before I'd even left the hospital with him.

Best of luck,

Chux xx


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## Martine ჱܓ (Apr 22, 2004)

Oh all I'm getting now a days " Courtney is nearly one should you not be trying for a little bro or sis for her"
All i say back is i have enough to look after with this little one.
After having Courtney my body certainly didn't go back to being normal and the pcos hasn't changed at all I'm now on CD143 and the witch is no where to be seen!! we have been trying naturally for #2 since C was only a few weeks and nothing has happened .

Martine xx


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## ClairM (Jun 6, 2005)

Hi Everyone

Our DD is just over one and everyone asks when are we going to have another one.  Our problem is MF so that chances of us falling naturally again is pretty much non existent.  My DH has decided he never wants to do another IVF or even a FET (we have 9 in the freezer) so for me the chances of another pregnancy is slim to say the least !!  

I wish that I could wear a sign that says that if it was easy for me to fall pregnant I would love to have another baby but when you've got so many factors stacked up against that idea we are very blessed to have one child and we are couldn't be happier with our DD ! 

Clair x


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

I'm forever getting people asking me when we're going to have another, and being very 'helpful' in telling me their friend's uncle's cousin's brother's aunt's wife managed to get pregnant after having IVF for their first child.  I'd love to think that it'll happen to me, but our problem is male factor, so its highly unlikely. 
I usually just smile and say something along the lines of 'Oh, how lovely!' or say its too soon for another baby.  

I bet as soon as you get pregnant with #2 they'll be sking when #3 is coming along!!

Marie xxx


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## blinky1010 (Apr 17, 2007)

Hi girls
My daughter is now 3 1/2yrs old and I had requests for another bundle thrust down my throat as soon as i was in the recovery room after my emergancy c section.
That is mainly from my dh family ( they all get preggers at the drop of a hat ).
After fending them off for all this time with oh not yet, I couldn't cope with another ( heaven forbid they ever knew we were trying ), I have now resorted to telling everyone that dh does not want another. I know that may sound bad to some people but they don't seem to get at him so much. or maybe i'm just paranoid.
Anyway who cares it works, they've stopped asking and he doesn't mind.
sometimes I just want to shout from the roof tops ---"FOR GOD'S SAKE - WE ARE TRYING".
But the back lash of that would probably finish me off.
Wow I have some hidden anger, all I want to do in this reply is rant.
Caz
xxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Oh Ladies, how I hear you on this one!

I repeatedly hear

1) - "You'll fall at the drop of a hat now"

2) - "Your body knows how to get pregnant now"

BOTH complete and utter bullsh*t

I've been bugged from friends and family since DD was a few months old. 

Truth is I'm not ready to go through it all again yet   I was on the ttc rollercoaster for nearly 4 years. It was the worst time of my life. The thought of having to go through all the counting days, pinning DH down when we're both knackered because "it's time" etc etc. Then the dreaded 2ww - ugh! 

I want to enjoy my Princess for a while and just live life, not being a slave to my diary! 

Sorry -rant over!


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## Lisa H (Feb 2, 2005)

Hee hee, love all your replies, make me feel much better. Sorry, not wishing the cause for this type of rant on anyone, but you know what I mean...

Especially love Caz's cunning way of blaming it on DH - of _course_ the guy won't get the same grief/pressure/questions when it comes to ttc***

Cheers everyone  xx

***like, how come fertility debates/programmes etc always put the overriding factor as 'women being too selfish, wanting a career and putting off children too long'... what about the millions of men who boast well into their thirties that they find a 3-week relationship too much of a commitment??


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