# Feeling the need for more.



## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Its taken me a while to getting round to post, as I've been convincing my self I've been ever so lucky to have the 2 children I have and after the birth of H I really thought that I was done and didn't want more, but now I see people falling pregnant its hitting me that I've been kidding myself.  Circumstances mean there is really no way no.3 is possible we live in a small 2 bed house, the girls already share a room and can't afford to move in the near future.  I tell myself all this but its not stopping the pangs. I know DH doesn't want any more.
May be its due to it being 2yrs ago on New Yrs day I got my BFP with H but all of a sudden it has got worse.  I long to be pregnant again, have a home birth and BF for longer than I have with my girls.

How do I move on?


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## lou29 (Dec 5, 2006)

I don't know   I have the same problem   the trouble is i'm not sure one more would be enough   I think its ingrained in me to want to be pregnant and have babies now. I hope you find the answer   
Lou.


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

lou29 said:


> I don't know  I have the same problem  the trouble is i'm not sure one more would be enough  I think its ingrained in me to want to be pregnant and have babies now. I hope you find the answer
> Lou.


I feel the same now, I thought 2 was enough but now would 3 be and so on. I've had depression to some extent in both pregnancies and had AND with H so its not even been a great time but I miss it so much


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## kooks1 (Aug 24, 2006)

C   i feel the same too (and i too had a rotten (1st) pregnancy - AND, bells palsy, traumatic birth, MS right through til birth. 2nd pregnancy was better except for the ms). its so strange that i just long to be pregnant again (my lo is only 4 months too   ) not sure how i will stop the feelings - DH doesnt want anymore so i guess i will have to accept the 2 is my lot  

at least we know we are not alone in it though


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Kooks   Its only hit me recently.  The other day I caught up with some of the Bounty mums from when I was pregnant with H and half of them are pregnant again and its hit home.


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## millie13 (Nov 7, 2007)

Hugs ladies

I know how you feel, I have 2 little boys age 5 and 7 and I am 42, and I have such an ache for 1 more, and everyone keeps telling me I'm stupid, what with my age and that we have such good little boys, but what do they know??, I had a bad pregnancy with placenta praevia with my youngest, and was so scared I would die and leave my eldest without a mummy, and swore never again, to the point where dh got a vasectomy.

So we're giving donor sperm a try, and giving it until June, then stopping (I think!!)

It is such an aches though


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Millie good luck wit the up and coming TX.   one of us will get a   

People just been commenting on my ** status about maybe I was pregnant oh how I wish


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## JKO73 (Mar 26, 2008)

Its weird isn't it?  I swing between 'no, I couldn't put myself through more treatment/another pregancy/not enough room or money or big enough car etc etc' to 'but how I would love to be pregnant again'.

I had a rotten first pregnancy and DD1 was born at 32 weeks, and then needed IVF to conceive DD2 who was born at 37 after pre-eclampsia started again.  Yet I would love to be pregnant again - to have the excitement of a BFP, see the bump grow, have the thrill of the scans, pick names etc.  Bizarrely I even think about names sometimes and 'if' an accident happened what would we choose.

But I know we won't have any more.  We couldn't afford treatment again and really I can't justify it anyway when I have 2 very lovely children already.  And my DH doesn't want another one.  And our family works really well as a 4.

I sometimes wonder if both embies had stuck whether I'd feel like this as I'd already have 3 children.

And I think part of the problem is that I can't just choose to have another baby - its the lack of control maybe?  Knowing that it would be IVF again.  And I responded so poorly last time so the odds wouldn't be good anyway.

Right, my ramblings over - just wanted to say you're not alone ladies!

x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi all, 
I understand how you all feel although i only have one toddler after lots of treatment. I am now desperate for number 2 although when i was going through all the treatment i promised myself i would just be happy to get one baby! i guess we cant help how we feel. I get stressed because we cant really afford further treatment (cost 10,000 to get our son) and a natural preg is prob out of the question due to DH low count.  I wish i could get back to being the happy go lucky person i was before we decided to try for children.  I keep telling myself that if i could just have one more i will be happy forever.  I honestly think we mainly feel like this because we have struggled to get pregnant.

love to everyone,
Lyns xx


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

i'm sitting here reading and nodding.

we had hoped to have our 3rd with a FET cycle last year. they were our last frosties and, although we have donor sperm stored we can't really afford to keep having treatment. we got a BFP but it was gone at 6/7 weeks. most of the time i feel contented but i still get pangs. especially since my SIL is currently pregnant with her third (and my brother's 4th), especially as i seem to the first they come to for babysitting duties so she can go and have her scans etc...

anyway, i had great pregnancies but 2 c-sections (first due to infection and baby distress, and the second when my scar started to rupture in my 37th week). i try to concentrate on the fact that i don't want to subject my body to a 3rd section and the danger that would entail and the fact that i'm not contributing to an expanding population (although one could argue that i have anyway with the 2 children i have). the car and holiday issue is a major one too of course 

it's true though, just when you think you're ok, just when you think you've moved on, something happens to bring it all back.

ETA: i'm sure i thought i was posting this on the "positive advantages..." thread so i'm sorry if the car and holiday comment seems a bit flippant.

with regard moving on, i don't think there is anything you can do other than concentrate on day to day life with the children you have. this is what i am doing and it was going well. my youngest is just 2 and it has seemed harder lately, maybe it's started to hit home, or maybe it's the SIL issue. i really had thought we were all done with having kids, everyone else seems to have moved on but her pregnancy came out of the blue really. she was getting rid of all her baby stuff when we had our early miscarriage. i felt safe that i wouldn't have to see another baby come into the family. yesterday she asked me if i could be on babysitting duty for when she goes into labour. and i really don't want to. am i just being bitter?

anyway, what i think is that it was getting better, this new niece/nephew thing is a temporary set back, but that i will feel better about it soon. i will continue getting on with day to day life and one day i'll probably be sitting down with a cup of tea and realise that i haven't thought about having another child for a while and feel genuinely contented with what i've got. my family already feels complete and right more often than it did.

i wonder if things will always happen that will bring it all back. like when you give up smoking, there are always moments (much fewer and further between now) when you absentmindedly think about having a cigarette...


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I'm feeling the need for another so much at the moment. My oldest is 3 and starting preschool after Easter so been looking at uniform, that made me want to cry she is a big girl now.  My youngest is 18 months old tomorrow and that really seems to be a toddler now not a baby plus when DD1 was 18 months old I was 8 months pregnant with DD2, now wishing I had some sort of bump (that isn't just fat!) again


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

my youngest is the same age as my eldest was when he was born. he seemed so much older at the time. if my 3rd pregnancy had stuck i'd have a 4 month old baby too right now.

what i find scary is that in 2 year's time (which will fly by of course), my youngest will be fully imbedded in full time school and i always think of my life right now as being more settled and permanent than that (i stay home with them). i have been making some plans to go back to work and when i think about not having another child i think about the things that i will be able to do instead. so i feel simultaneously excited and sad. it's really hard to articulate in a post how i feel. i'm sure a lot of you feel the same. it would be so much easier if everybody stopped having babies in front of me of course.


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## evertonfc (Sep 1, 2005)

c big    i know just how you are feeling,up until our little girl turned 2 the thought of another baby scared me to death but now it is all i can think about.DP says its cause i want some thing i cant have(we wont get funding and cant afford to pay )as a little girl i never dreamed of gettin married i dreamed of the babies i would have .each month i pray we have made a miracle only to be disappointed its like being right back at the beginning of our journey.wish there was a magic pill to make the longing go away,and i feel so bad wanting a 3rd when so many are still wanting their 1st.

love Jane xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Can i join this thread   have just posted on another similar, and i agree with everything you have all said. Really struggling at the mo.  i'm not ungrateful, i love my babies and iknow how lucky i am.  my mumand dh think i am ungrateful, but the drive is so strong, even though another pregnancy would almost certainly confine me to a wheelchair (was on crutches from 17 weeks with last pg, and still having problems now).

thank you ladies for echoing my feelings.


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Sally- know how you feel I'm so grateful for the 2 children I have, but I still have a drive for more.  I didn't have physical problems in pregnancy but had AND so my DH would be reluctant on that count, if we could afford/ have room for more.
I did talk about becoming a surrogate as I just loved being pregnant even with the AND (think 2nd time it was very much work related on top of pregnancy) but DH doesn't agree


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## donn1 (Jan 17, 2006)

HI ALL

i know what you all mean so much so that i am due to go in for ec on good friday, at times i think i must be mad as have 6 yr old and five month old but i feel this desire so much that i am lucky too be able too go again, looks like only a few good sized follies though my levels are high so they think some are hiding i am 41 yrs old though feel lijke the same i did when i was 21 though not when had a sleepless night lol  

all the very best to u all and may all our dreams come true    

donn1


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## snoopydoop (Jan 29, 2010)

I am so feeling the need for another!    DD is 2 years 4 months and growing so fast!  I had a failed FET in Feb and have no more embies now.   Just have this strong feeling that I want to be pregnant.  I know there's no easy answer, I just wanted to post and be amongst people who understand how I feel and don't get preg without even thinking about it. XX


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Snoopydoop I know exactly how you feel I still have the strong feeling of wanting to be pregnant again. I am slowly coming round to it won't happen but it is not easy.


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## snoopydoop (Jan 29, 2010)

Thank you.  It's the usual story when ttc.  Am apparently surrounded by people who can get pregnant easily.  I just so wanted dd to have a sibling.  Finding it really hard right now and it's good to post here and know that I'm not alone.


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I thought one more would be enough but still doesn't fill my need


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

that's what is really worrying me.....we have a beautiful little two year old boy and we are now starting this hard journey again as i am desperate for another baby, even though i had promoised myself i would be eternally greatful to just have one baby.  I feel as bad this time as i did when we were trying to get our first.  Do you think its just because it doesnt come easy to us? i am sure if my DH didnt have low count etc i would be more than happy to wait a few more years but now i feel absoluteley desperate and its once again taken over my life.  I am so upset because it is really ruining my enjoyment with my son.  i wish more than anything in the world that i could just be happy again as my son is so adorable and i have a fantastic husband, i just honestly cant see me being happy again until i have another, so terrified though that if i do have a second i will want another, god what ever happened to the old me!
I have spent three days crying now just because two of my friends are expecting again, i love them to bits and should be so happy for them but i just feel so resentful xxx


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## snoopydoop (Jan 29, 2010)

Lyns76
I could have written your post!  My daughter is just a few months older than your son and I always thought I'd be happy with one as well.  I am happy but now that everyone around me seems to have another baby I so want her to have a sibling and us to have another baby.  My SIL is now pregnant and must have conceived the same time as I had my (failed) FET so I'm dreading coping seeing her get bigger, have the baby etc.  I know hoe ou feel about the crying...  Good luck to you with your treatment and please know you're not alone.  I bet your little boy is gorgeous and he is lucky to have such supportive parents.  XX


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi snoopydoop, 
God this is SO hard isn't, just been to Asda to fetch a peppa pig birthday cake for Harry and i am sure it was 'pregnant woman' night out! i am either finally going insane or someone up there is def trying to make me feel worse than i do, pregnant woman seem to want to follow me everywhere! feel really down again today, seem to be having a long stretch of being upset about it all again at the mo, thank god for this site and lovely people like you.  I wouldn't wish this upon anyone but i wish i had someone close to me that has been or is going through the same thing, i dont personally know anyone who has had trouble conceiving and it kind of makes me feel like a failure.  This sounds really harsh but its my Dh that has the problems yet this infertility/sub fertility hasn't got him down at all, he just seems really happy with just having our little man Harry in our lives so it is really hard for him to relate to how i feel.  God enough about me mate, try not to stress too much about your SIL being pregenant, you will be suprised how you will cope with it, my SIL had two little boys within the three years of me and hubby trying and even though it is hard you somehow cope.  My little boy loves his older cousins to bits and i adore them too so i am sure your lovely little girl will have lots of fun with her new cousin.  i am not sure what your fertility issues are so cant comment on any further treatment for you etc but i wish you well and hope your dream does come true xxxxx


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## harrysGal (Jun 27, 2007)

Hi all

Can I join ...... not that its a board I wanted to .. no offence   ... I have just had BFN today on our last go at tx ..... I would go again but finances are stopping the process.  My DH is very upset as he thought it had worked ... even though I have been telling him the last few days I dont think it had  ........ I think he was lookinng forward to another even though he has three (2 from a previous) ... he feels for me and he feels guilty as the IF was his 'fault' (although I dont see it that way ... I knew from the beginning he had a vasectomy ... I choose to stay ...we fell in love blah blah blah ) ... he knows I would have liked another  

I of course will always feel blessed that we have little Jnr but it doesnt take away the pain of knowing there will be no more  ..... I am not sure it has hit me fully as yet .... I have yet to venture outside ... I have a niece who is PG witha girl and a friend who is pg with a girl ... something I will have to deal with when they arrive I guess.  

DH is trying to think of ways of finding money to have another go ... he was on about selling as much as we can ... but like I said to him however much I would love to try again it would not be fair on Jnr to sell everything we had  .... and what would it do to us as a couple putting ourselves through that kind of pressure  .

Sorry to waffle .... but I not sure how I am going to cope with this and it scares me .....

At the moment I am focusing on getting away for a 3 day break over Jnrs birthday in August ... and then I need to sort out some kind of work placement in order to do my studies .... I am hoping that as I slowly start to sort my career out and as jnr becomes more and more independant and I slowly get to do more of my hobbies again that I might just feel its maybe the right thing that has happened ....................... well I can kid myself cant I  ... It may be the only way to deal with it


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## chloe99 (Aug 27, 2008)

harrysgal - so sorry, i have got my practical hat on right now and so I can't help writin you a practical response..... but in your place at just 35 I would make a plan to save over say the next 18 m,onths INCLUDING everything you can mange to part with.  Downsize everything you can and go for it.  You might save enough for a fresh and a couple of frozen cycles.

We saved almost every day of our lives for 9 years!!! We went without so much, I didn't even buy squash or yoghurts in the supermarket!! Happily we had 2 more children as a result, so I would weight up how much you want another, and go for it if you really want to.

xx


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## harrysGal (Jun 27, 2007)

Hey Chloe

Well after much consideration and discussion DH and I have decided that we are going to start saving like mad and then in 18 months / 2 years time we are going to sit down and review where we are ... whether another child is still what we want or if our lives have moved forward and we feel too knackered to start all over again    and possibly happy and settled with just Jnr ..... If we feel we want to try again then hopefully we will have (if not be far from having) the money to go again and if we decide actually no we are in fact happy with our lot then we will use  the money to take jnr to disneyland (or somewhere equally exciting when your little    )

This decision not to give up completly on having another but giving us space and time to relax for a while has actually been a weight off my shoulders ... I feel a little more at peace.

My next step is to sort myself with a work placement that will allow me to start my training in pre school studies and hopefully allow me to earn a little bit of money... another focus for the next 18 months ... as well as looking after Jnr


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## SandKsmom (Jul 16, 2010)

I feel like I've found somewhere where everyone understands exactly as I do.I'm sooo lucky to have my 2 beautiful health boys(one who's pulling the pooter as we speak)but I too can't get the desire for another baby out of my head.I can't really talk to DH cos he'd blame himself as our infertility is MF.Can't really talk to family(they'd say but you've got 2 you never thought you'd have)and not many friends know we had a/c.People keep asking us if we're going to have another one,maybe it will be a girl.I just feel like  screaming at them and usually say "no we're happy with the 2 boys and anyway theres no guarantee that the next one will be a girl,can you imagine 3 boys under 5".
I think cos I was pg when S was 18mths the same age as K is now.I also know our only hope of another baby is via ICSI which is not an option as we moved to a country where the cutoff age is 40(I'm 40 now don't feel it though )
Every month if we've had bms I wait and get disappointed when af arrives.Its got to the point when I'm kind-of glad if we don't have bms at the right time then I know there is no chance for a baby.  or what.thought my days of knowing the right times would be gone after baby No 2


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Oh god yes it's the what-ifs that kill me.  I am about to try to go back on the pill, so the what-ifs will go away


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