# Advice on home insemination and purchasing sperm



## holteender1983 (Nov 27, 2014)

Hi everyone, 

Firstly I'm new to this whole forum thing so apologies if my etiquette is wrong on any level. 

I had been in a same sex relationship for 12 years when me and my fiancee decided to start the ball rolling on fertility treatment. There was no massive rush as were both 29 and so we opted for using an NHS facility, Birmingham Women's Hospital. I was going to be conceiving and after a long hard year of going through the whole process of tests and finding a donor etc we finally got the all clear in September to start trying. All my tests results were fine, the only problem being my progesterone levels were a little low and very slightly irregular periods (a mixture of 26 day and 28 day cycles). We were advised to go for stimulated IUI. 

In October I found out my fiancee was seeing someone else. After having a year to get used to the idea of becoming a Mom I have decided I still want to proceed with the treatment. The reason for us using a registered facility was because we were not due to get married until 2016 and therefore for us both to appear on the birth certificate it was our only option except adoption with we didn't want. As that is no longer and issue for me I am seeking advice on how to bypass a clinic and defer to home insemination. Money is not the be all and end all but looking at my situation and being a single parent I would much rather save the money I would use on trying at a clinic for further down the line if I were lucky enough to fall pregnant. We had great difficulty finding a donor in the first place due to ethnicity. I am mixed race and would rather a mixed race or black caribbean donor. Any advise on the process would be gratefully received, I have done plenty of reading on various websites but I find it far easier to hear from someone who is in the same position or has been. 

Thanks in advance guys


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

First of all very sorry to hear of your break up and welcome to the Singles boards. Just to warn you I am not sure if there will be many single ladies who bypassed the clinic route and tried naturally (or syringe) at home but if they are here hopefully they will say hello. I *think* you will find more advice actually on the LGBT thread where it seems the use of a known donor is more popular either someone you know or found via donor sites. I had a look and there is a discussion at the moment on a similar theme and these two ladies have a blog about it http://weforgotthesperm.wordpress.com/. You could maybe message them on FF?

My guess is it very much depends on if you have a known donor and if you are paying for the sperm. If he is someone you know then you could do this at home each month but you would also need to draw up legal documents defining him as a donor (for example what would you do if it worked and he sought custody?). There are lawyers on FF who can assist with this if you go to the Ask a Lawyer section of FF. My gut feeling is this could be incredibly difficult and I would only consider this with great caution.

If you are buying sperm from a sperm bank then you already have this cost to consider. Yes IUI (stimulated or not) costs money but there again a tracked cycle with a clinic should hopefully have more chance of success than you trying to do this yourself at home? Plus if you are using sperm from a bank this will have to be of excellent quality otherwise the donor would not be accepted onto the programme. If you were already recommended stimulated IUI when you were with your partner (assuming the plan was always for you to carry) why not go for stimulated IUI? You will find plenty of ladies here who have had IUI and advice on this.

Wishing you lots of luck and hope this helps!
x

/links


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

I do know one lady on the board who bypassed clinics and had the gent come to her home and deliver his sample and then when he left she did the deed herself, if thats what you are after I can certainly pm her your details if she can help?


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

You can buy home insemination kits online or just get a 60p syringe from any pharmacy!
It's illegal having sperm shipped to a private address as far as I'm aware but people still do it (I know three ladies who did but none got pg that way), it's not reinforced.
The be all and end all is getting to know YOUR own cycle VERY well. You have limited attempts as a single/gay lady, so they all count. Get the Tony Weschler book and a thermometer and up close and personal with your mucous.
Any donor who does this privately will be the legal father but won't have parental responsibility unless he comes with you to register the birth. 

I had about a year of cycles of various forms of natural inseminations, in and out of relationships, with just one pregnancy (miscarriage) the very first month I tried.
Got pregnant from IVF (free as I egg shared), another miscarriage, and pg again from FET from that cycle, resulting in my precious baby.

I also know another gay lady who had just a single IUI treatment and now has a little girl, success very much depends on your age and LUCK!

All options have their pros and cons.
P.S. Co parenting/known donor websites are full of black and mixed race guys so you won't have a lack of choice


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

How do you check him for stds with this method??   I know you can get a certificate but there must be a window where he wouldn't be covered, do ladies just take a chance and hope the guy is disease free?


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Blondie
Just what disease are you worried about?
The common ones are easily treated and most people are healthy anyway. If you don't trust recent test results clearly you need to get to know the person better in order to trust their integrity.
Saying that, people are betrayed and lied to every day by loved ones they've known all their lives so there's never any guarantee.


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

I guess the usual suspects Broody HIV, syphillis, chlamydia etc obviously some are treatable but you'd rather avoid any of them and the testing window can be quite long ie 3 months for HIV so yeah I guess you would need to be sure the person is upfront or get him a tracking device 

ps I'm not planning to go down this route lol, I have no tubes nowadays anyway


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## Linda567 (Dec 1, 2014)

Hi Holteenden1983, and welcome. I'm a new member myself, in a similar situation to you. 

I've looked into both the known donor route and the sperm bank route. I don't know anyone that I could even consider asking to donate sperm, and searching for donors on the co-parenting websites just freaked me out. It became a "dating site" experience and I found myself checking if I fancied the bloke, instead of checking whether he had the personality traits I would hope would be transferred to the baby! So, this left me with the sperm bank option. 

I thought it would be fairly straight forward to order sperm and then self-inseminate, but as a few people have mentioned on here, most sperm banks will only ship to a registered clinic. I've looked at Danish sperm banks, and they do ship to private individuals in Denmark, which I suppose means that if you have an address in Denmark and a referral from a Danish GP, you can get the sperm and do it yourself. For me though, it means I will have to go through a clinic, which I'm happy to do, even though it costs more than I had originally hoped to have to spend (money is an issue for me and my baby project unfortunately). 

I've not looked for mixed race sperm myself, but have noted that the sperm banks I've looked at all have a couple of mixed race donors at any given time. Perhaps sperm banks from Southern Europe and the US would have a larger selection?

Good luck with everything, and let us know what you find out about self-insemination.


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