# Anyone else feel like they were coping with this...but suddenly not?



## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Ladies,

Apologies in advance for the me post, I just feel like I need to get my thoughts down or this going to get the better of me. I'm sat at my desk at work desperately trying not to cry. I actually feel a bit sick from the strain of trying to hold it together.

I don't know where this has come from, it's a month since my bfn and I really thought I was coping ok with it. Then this weekend I just couldn't get it all out of my head. It's really getting me down, I feel like this is never going to work for us and I'll feel like this for the rest of my life. I have to listen to lots of baby talk every day at work and it's so hard, although i would hate for people to feel they couldn't talk about their babies in front of me. i just don't know how to cope with it, I never want to come to work anymore as I know I'll end up feeling like this. I feel like a horrible person for thinking this, but I don't know how to make myself feel differently. Maybe I need counseling? I've never had it though and I'm not even sure i'd know what to say.

Anyone else feel like this or have any tips on how to cope?

I do hope all you lovely ladies on here are feeling better than I am, it's such a lonely place to be...thank god for FF.

Miki
xxx


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## MtnGoat (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi Miki,

 not sure I have any words of wisdom, but what you're feeling is really normal. We went on a camping weekend about a month ago, so about a month after my last BFN. I thought I'd been doing ok, but then ended up feeling really    especially being on a campsite surrounded by families and thinking will it ever happen for us.

Goaty x


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## Guest (Sep 7, 2009)

Sorry you are having a bad time  

We have had 7 BFNs over the last year and some we have coped well with and some have been devastating. Throughout our whole treatment journey so far, I know DP and I have felt strong and also desperate at very different times. Sometimes I feel so positive and other times I just want to lock myself away and have a good cry  . Just because your BFN was a month ago it doesn't mean you should suddenly be over it by now. Maybe now it is really starting to sink in. Could you confide in anyone at work so when you are feeling down, and all the baby talk is happening, you know there is someone else there who will be a bit sensitive to your feelings? 
I have had counselling before for other things and if you do go down that route then it is just great to get everything out in the open with someone who will not judge you. The great thing is that you don't have to watch what you say as they are not emotionally linked to you in anyway. Their role is not to tell you what to do but to help you to deal with your feelings.
I hope your day gets better xx


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Goaty & Moo,

Thanks so much for taking time to reply   I don't feel quite so alone now.

Sorry to hear about your camping trip Goaty, I can imagine how hard that must've been. Thanks for reassuring me that I'm normal, I do feel like i'm on the verge of losing it today!

So sorry to hear of your 7 bfn's Moo, I'm not sure how you've coped with it all, I don't think i could. But then again we kind of have to don't we, to get what we so desperately want. This was only my 2nd bfn and I'm dreading going through another. I may ask about counseling when i have my follow up appt next week. I do have someone i can talk to at work, I feel like i'll break down in tears if I talk to her though!

Thanks again for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It's such a relief to talk to people who understand.

I will try to think happy thoughts for the rest of the day  

Miki
xxx


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Well unfortunately thinking happy thoughts didn't work! I ended up in floods of tears (made it to the toilets first thankfully) and have had to come home.

God this is so hard, I feel like it's taking over...I want my life back!!!

I think I may need a break from all this for a while before I go  

Big   to all reading this.

Miki
xxx


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi Miki

Its hard to be normal after a BFN and even when you hope and think I cxan cope you end up taking three steps back. Every time i hear that advert for pregnancy test " so you think your preganant" i feel like crying and now actually turn TV channel over as i get so upset still.

Your feelings are totally normally hun and one day you will get there , you just need to do it at your own pace.

Talk of babies or thier kids i get all day long and now must seem very rude but i just zone it out and focus on work and dont even ask how kids are as cant cope. My sister is going through a rough patch and keeps saying how hard it is to havce kids and i actually said i would love that hard work anyday!!!

We get so used to hiding our feelings that it just explodes at times, there will be events and days that remind us of IVF that hurts and there is no magic cure to stop them feelings but I personally do feel better after a good cry on my own.

I have no answers but please know you are not alone and you feelings at normal!!!!

Sending you a hug

jenny


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hi Jenny,

Wow I really thought I was ok last time I spoke to you, maybe I was in denial.

Thanks for replying, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who gets upset at tv ads. I feel exactly the same at work and most of the time I manage to block it out too, but today it just wasn't happening.

You're right a good cry does help, I was actually feeling ill before through holding it all in. I couldn't even eat my lunch...which is most unlike me!

Thanks Jenny    your kind words really help.

Hope you're ok and are getting through this too.

Miki
xxx


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Hi

I am thinking of you hun,

babies things are all around us at shops, TV adverts, Radio adverts, people  talking about their kids, internet - it drives me insane!!!!!!!!!!

its hard for us and what does not kill us will make us stronger it just does not feel like that right now.

SENDING YOU A HUG

Jenny


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## CEL (May 18, 2009)

Hi Miki, Came across your post and just wanted to send you a massive  .

I can relate to all that has been said on here if it's any consolation -  and those stupid adverts seem to come on just when you are trying to escape from pregnant work colleagues/friends/justthegeneralpublic!!! there really is no escape from bumps/babies/children/families!!! 

It's completley natural to feel the way you do - and if we constantly deny our feelings or surpress them then we just end up ill - they will find other ways of being expressed! As for counselling - I cant imagine going through all this without my counsellor! All of my friends are mothers or pregnant - and as supportive as they are trying to be - i know that they cant possibly know what i'm really going through. Speaking to someone who is totally outside of my circle of family and friends and is there just for me, really helps - and as moo said; you can express ALL your feelings - no matter how irrational or selfish they may seem - with no worry of come back or judgement. It's proven a sanity saver for me    

Anyway - take good care of yourself for the rest of today - cuddle up on the sofa and watch some trashy TV! and know that you are not alone.


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Thanks for your lovely post CEL, I did indeed curl up on the sofa last night and watch all the soaps!

I'm definitely going to ask about counseling, it can't hurt can it. If I don't get all my feelings out properly I will make myself ill physically and mentally.

Kind and understanding words on here help massively - thankyou all    

Miki
xxx


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## CEL (May 18, 2009)

keep me posted and reach out any time hun


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## Belbs (Aug 3, 2009)

Oh Miki,    

I totally understand how you feel and it so hard when you are trying to be strong. You can't stop thinking about it and all the plans you have made around the possibility of being pregnant make it harder. People really don't understand the pain we are going through. Time is a great healer but it does take time. Especially when those around us talk about babies almost without thinking how we feel. 

I had it this weekend gone whilst on holiday with all my family, including cousins with toddlers and a pregnant sister. All conversation seemed to be about pregnancy, feeding, how wonderful my sis looks pregnant etc; I had to leave the holiday house and have a walk alone. It does make us feel so lonely and sad. I have been having awful thoughts about how much easier it would be if I didn't have to alive anymore. 

I really hope you go ahead with the counselling. I had it many years ago and it does help to talk about things with someone you don't know. Fingers crossed it will work for you and give you the opportunity to discuss all your feelings in a safe environment.

Thinking of you.    

Belbs xxx


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## Miki D (Mar 3, 2009)

Hiya Belbs,

Just replied to your other post, so pleased you got it sorted  

Thanks so much for your lovely reply, I am having an ok day today, it's just not knowing how I'll feel from one day to the next that's getting to me.

Oh last weekend must've been so so hard for you. It's amazing how many people, even those that love and care about us, don't seem to realise just how much pain we are in, I just wish everyone would recognise how horrendous a process this is to go through. Also, it's like a taboo subject I find, for me I feel it gets swept under the carpet by other people. I know it's because they don't know how to act or know what to say. I too have had similar thoughts about it being easier if I wasn't here, but we absolutely cannot think like that. Our time will come. I think, when we have emerged from all of this, we will be better people for having gone through it, we have to be, I WILL not let this ruin my life    

I want this to stop taking over my every thought, I feel I have more to offer than just being obsessed by babies. Yep i'm going to give counseling a go, it can't make things any worse i suppose.

Hope you're having a good day today and really pleased about your news!

Love & hugs,

Miki
xxx


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## Belbs (Aug 3, 2009)

I'm glad today is an ok day and not a bad day.  

I know we have not got to have the bad thoughts but I guess it's because some days/occasions the pain is so bad that it would be easier not to feel it. But you're right, we will be better people after all of this and great mums too. The obsessing is hard but one day we will achieve our dream and then the pain will have been worth it. 

Let me know how the counselling works.  

Belbs xxx


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