# Is Age an Issue?



## Guest (Mar 4, 2007)

Hi everyone

I wonder if anyone can help. We've been through the IVF rollercoaster and are starting to consider whether adoption would be an option for us.

My husband is 44, and I'm soon to be 34 and we would really only want to adopt a baby, or very young child. Is your experience do you think my husband's age would be a barrier, or would they not be concerned as I'm only 34? 

He has 3 grown up children from his first marriage, that have never lived with us, but we'd always had a lot of contact and good relationships with them and his ex wife. We been together for 12 years and married for 5 and are very stable.

Thanks a lot

Angie X


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## maisiek (Apr 25, 2005)

Hi Angie,

Welcome to the boards.  Just wanted to say that I don't think that your ages will make a difference.  There are lots of couples adopting who are in their forties or fifties. Although you may find it harder to adopt a baby or very young child just because there aren't so many available.  Having said that, I do know someone who adopted a 7 month old baby and she is in her forties.  

We are in the early stages of the process of adoption and keep being told that babies don't usually become available for adoption until they are about 10 months old, and this is because it takes that long for the court process to go through.  We have been told that we have to CONSIDER a child of up to age 5 years old, but that it doesn't mean that we will get a child of this age, it may be much younger but we just have to be willing to look at older children.  Hope this makes sense - I am finding it hard to say what I mean here!!!

I get the impression that it really depends upon what children are available for adoption when the time comes, most people do want a baby or young child so there will be lots of competition for children of these ages.  It probably would be worth contacting your local authority to see what they have to say; ours were very friendly and informative.

Good luck,

love maisie xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Angie

All I can say is that when we first adopted we were approx 28 and 30 and were definately the youngest couple at our prep course.
One couple on our course were both mid-late 40's and they adopted twins of a year old. 

From what we've seen at our LA, as long as the couple is stable and can offer a child everything they need, nothing else should be an issue. One couple we know adopted around the same time as us. They are both at least 10 years older than us now, one is disabled and so neither work, and they live in a council house. 

So, I can't see that your ages would be a stumbling block at all.

Good luck,
Ever !


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Angie

From experience the age of your dh should not make a difference.  There are people on here who are in their early 40's (I won't name them but they know who they are!!!) who have adopted young babies.

Like Ever I was one of the youngest on my course and had turned 30 the year we did it.

Good luck
Karen x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Angie

It's very nice of Karen to be circumspect with our ages, but I am one of those people   

DH and I have both recently turned 44.  We have a 3 year old son who we adopted two years ago at the age of 14 months and we have just had a 7 month girl placed with us (although this is not the norm as it normally takes at least 10 months for a child to be freed).  As Maisie says it does depend a lot on the children who are available at the time, I was lucky in that although I have a 100% white DH, I am dual heritage and there is a lot less competition for dual heritage babies.  That said, I don't think age is as much an issue as it used to be, what is important is that you are healthy and can provide a safe and welcoming home for the children.  Your DH is not old at 44 and you are 10 years younger so I really don't think it will be a major factor for you.  However the best bet is to have a word with your Local Authority.  In my experience they do often say that there aren't younger children around and you need to consider up to age 5 (as we were told) but I think they often say that to see how strongly motivated you are to adopt and once you are approved it is up to you to decide what children you would be willing to consider.

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.

Cindy


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## missy london (Dec 28, 2004)

Hi.
I am a complete beginner in the adoption stakes but an absolute veteran  in the ivf/ fertility treatment rollercoaster.
We are just about to start adoption investigations with our LA.
Cindy- I was very interested in your comments as my husband is of dual heritage and we will very much be looking to adopt a baby/infant of dual heritage. Has it been  your experience that there are less potential adoptees out there for certain groups?? 

I am just starting to use the adoption threads - any advice on which threads support newbies like me is most welcome.

I wish everyone luck on their journey. 

After so much failure with fertility treatment ( 12 years) - it would be good to think we may finally have an actual chance of being a family. I am 40 and DH is 42 - reckon lots of us are in that age bracket.

Love Missy London  xxx


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## dsmlink (Jul 22, 2005)

Hi
Reassured to some extent by reading these posts but feeling bit confused.
  I am 37 and DH is 52.  I have just phoned BAAF to get some advice on the av age of children that we would be likley to consider us for if we went for adoption,  which we are thinking about.    Their advice was that we wouldnt get a child under 5 and the fact that i was alot younger than DH would not make any difference.  She said there should not be more than a 45 yr age gapbetwen child and parents.    By the time we are assessed and hopefully approved Dh is likely to be 53/54, does that mean we will not be considered for a child below 8/9?
Any help/advice welcomed 
Sarah


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
The age issue is one that comes up alot and by the very nature of how long fertility treatment and the adoption process take the chances are some of us are no longer going to be spring chickens. I am in the merry band of the former we are 42/48 and were matched with a baby girl at just over 12 months old. We too were told scary stories about people "our age" but we are as are several of us on here living proof that you can if you are lucky get a young child.
Good luck with your journey we will all be here with support when needed,
love JD x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi

We were advised that the gap between child and parent should not be more than 45 years. dh and i were both under 40 when we had our assessment course and were told we could adopt a baby but must be prepared to wait as 0-3 is the most popluar age that people want. But there were couples older and younger than us but not sure how most of them fared.

LB


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I would definitely ring round agencies about this 45 year rule as the two we've spoken to (including the one that we started the process with) had never heard of this and basically were much more interested in the younger partner's age (I'm just 40 and Mr Spouse is 51).

There seemed to be no objection, beyond the fact of competition, for us being approved for children under 5.


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